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diff --git a/5786.txt b/5786.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..328ded0 --- /dev/null +++ b/5786.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2784 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Tramp Abroad, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Tramp Abroad + Part 5 + +Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +Release Date: March 1994 [EBook #5786] +Posting Date: June 3, 2009 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD *** + + + + +Produced by Anonymous Volunteers, John Greenman and David Widger + + + + + + +A TRAMP ABROAD, Part 5. + +By Mark Twain + +(Samuel L. Clemens) + +First published in 1880 + +Illustrations taken from an 1880 First Edition + + * * * * * * + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS: + + + 1. PORTRAIT OF THE AUTHOR + 2. TITIAN'S MOSES + 3. THE AUTHOR'S MEMORIES + 178. EXCEEDINGLY COMFORTABLE + 179. THE SUNRISE + 180. THE RIGI-KULM + 181. AN OPTICAL ILLUSION + 182. TAIL PIECE + 183. RAILWAY DOWN THE MOUNTAIN + 184. SOURCE OF THE RHONE + 185. A GLACIER TABLE + 186. GLACIER OF GRINDELWALD + 187. DAWN ON THE MOUNTAINS + 188. TAIL PIECE + 189. NEW AND OLD STYLE + 190. ST NICHOLAS, AS A HERMIT + 191. A LANDSLIDE + 192. GOLDAU VALLEY BEFORE AND AFTER THE LANDSLIDE + 193. THE WAY THEY DO IT + 194. OUR GALLANT DRIVER + 195. A MOUNTAIN PASS + 196. "I'M OFUL DRY" + 197. IT'S THE FASHION + 198. WHAT WE EXPECTED + 199. WE MISSED THE SCENERY + 200. THE TOURISTS + 201. THE YOUNG BRIDE + 202. "IT WAS A FAMOUS VICTORY + 203. PROMENADE IN INTERLAKEN + 204. THE JUNGFRAU BY M.T. + 205. STREET IN INTERLAKEN + 206. WITHOUT A COURIER + 207. TRAVELING WITH A COURIER + 208. TAIL PIECE + 209. GRAPE AND WHEY PATIENTS + 210. SOCIABLE DRIVERS + 211. A MOUNTAIN CASCADE + 212. THE GASTERNTHAL + 213. EXHILARATING SPORT + 214. FALLS + 215. WHAT MIGHT BE + 216. AN ALPINE BOUQUET + 217. THE END OF THE WORLD + 218. THE FORGET-ME-NOT + 219. A NEEDLE OF ICE + 220. CLIMBING THE MOUNTAIN + 221. SNOW CREVASSES + 222. CUTTING STEPS + 223. THE GUIDE + 224. VIEW FROM THE CLIFF + 225. GEMMI PASS AND LAKE DAUBENSEE + 226. ALMOST A TRAGEDY + 227. THE ALPINE LITTER + 228. SOCIAL BATHERS + 229. DEATH OF COUNTESS HERLINCOURT + 230. THEY'VE GOT IT ALL + 231. MODEL FOR AN EMPRESS + 232. BATH HOUSES AT LEUKE + 233. THE BATHERS AT LEUKE + 234. RATTIER MIXED UP + 235. TAIL PIECE + + + +CONTENTS: + + +CHAPTER XXIX Everything Convenient--Looking for a Western +Sunrise--Mutual Recrimination--View from the Summit--Down the +Mountain--Railroading--Confidence Wanted and Acquired + +CHAPTER XXX A Trip by Proxy--A Visit to the Furka Regions--Deadman's +Lake--Source of the Rhone--Glacier Tables--Storm in the Mountains--At +Grindelwald--Dawn on the Mountains--An Explanation Required--Dead +Language--Criticism of Harris's Report + +CHAPTER XXXI Preparations for a Tramp--From Lucerne to Interlaken--The +Brunig Pass--Modern and Ancient Chalets--Death of Pontius Pilate--Hermit +Home of St Nicholas--Landslides--Children Selling Refreshments--How they +Harness a Horse--A Great Man--Honors to a Hero--A Thirsty Bride--For +Better or Worse--German Fashions--Anticipations--Solid Comfort--An +Unsatisfactory Awakening--What we had Lost--Our Surroundings + +CHAPTER XXXII The Jungfrau Hotel--A Whiskered Waitress--An Arkansas +Bride--Perfection in Discord--A Famous Victory--A Look from a +Window--About the Jungfrau + +CHAPTER XXXIII The Giesbach Falls--The Spirit of the Alps--Why People +Visit Them--Whey and Grapes as Medicines--The Kursaal--A Formidable +Undertaking--From Interlaken to Zermatt on Foot--We Concluded to take +a Buggy--A Pair of Jolly Drivers--We meet with Companions--A Cheerful +Ride--Kandersteg Valley--An Alpine Parlor--Exercise and Amusement--A +Race with a Log + +CHAPTER XXXIV An Old Guide--Possible Accidents--Dangerous +Habitation--Mountain Flowers--Embryo Lions--Mountain Pigs--The End +of The World--Ghastly Desolation--Proposed Adventure--Reading-up +Adventures--Ascent of Monte Rosa--Precipices and Crevasses--Among +the Snows--Exciting Experiences--lee Ridges--The Summit--Adventures +Postponed + +CHAPTER XXXV A New Interest--Magnificent Views--A Mule's +Prefereoces--Turning Mountain Corners--Terror of a Horse--Lady +Tourists--Death of a young Countess--A Search for a Hat--What We Did +Find--Harris's Opinion of Chamois--A Disappointed Man--A Giantess--Model +for an Empress--Baths at Leuk--Sport in the Water--The Gemmi +Precipices--A Palace for an Emperor--The Famous Ladders--Considerably +Mixed Up--Sad Plight of a Minister + + + +CHAPTER XXIX + +[Looking West for Sunrise] + + +He kept his word. We heard his horn and instantly got up. It was dark +and cold and wretched. As I fumbled around for the matches, knocking +things down with my quaking hands, I wished the sun would rise in the +middle of the day, when it was warm and bright and cheerful, and one +wasn't sleepy. We proceeded to dress by the gloom of a couple sickly +candles, but we could hardly button anything, our hands shook so. +I thought of how many happy people there were in Europe, Asia, and +America, and everywhere, who were sleeping peacefully in their beds, +and did not have to get up and see the Rigi sunrise--people who did +not appreciate their advantage, as like as not, but would get up in the +morning wanting more boons of Providence. While thinking these thoughts +I yawned, in a rather ample way, and my upper teeth got hitched on a +nail over the door, and while I was mounting a chair to free myself, +Harris drew the window-curtain, and said: + +"Oh, this is luck! We shan't have to go out at all--yonder are the +mountains, in full view." + + + +That was glad news, indeed. It made us cheerful right away. One could +see the grand Alpine masses dimly outlined against the black firmament, +and one or two faint stars blinking through rifts in the night. Fully +clothed, and wrapped in blankets, and huddled ourselves up, by the +window, with lighted pipes, and fell into chat, while we waited in +exceeding comfort to see how an Alpine sunrise was going to look by +candlelight. By and by a delicate, spiritual sort of effulgence spread +itself by imperceptible degrees over the loftiest altitudes of the snowy +wastes--but there the effort seemed to stop. I said, presently: + +"There is a hitch about this sunrise somewhere. It doesn't seem to go. +What do you reckon is the matter with it?" + +"I don't know. It appears to hang fire somewhere. I never saw a sunrise +act like that before. Can it be that the hotel is playing anything on +us?" + +"Of course not. The hotel merely has a property interest in the sun, it +has nothing to do with the management of it. It is a precarious kind of +property, too; a succession of total eclipses would probably ruin this +tavern. Now what can be the matter with this sunrise?" + +Harris jumped up and said: + +"I've got it! I know what's the matter with it! We've been looking at +the place where the sun SET last night!" + +"It is perfectly true! Why couldn't you have thought of that sooner? Now +we've lost another one! And all through your blundering. It was exactly +like you to light a pipe and sit down to wait for the sun to rise in the +west." + +"It was exactly like me to find out the mistake, too. You never would +have found it out. I find out all the mistakes." + +"You make them all, too, else your most valuable faculty would be wasted +on you. But don't stop to quarrel, now--maybe we are not too late yet." + +But we were. The sun was well up when we got to the exhibition-ground. + + + +On our way up we met the crowd returning--men and women dressed in +all sorts of queer costumes, and exhibiting all degrees of cold and +wretchedness in their gaits and countenances. A dozen still remained on +the ground when we reached there, huddled together about the scaffold +with their backs to the bitter wind. They had their red guide-books open +at the diagram of the view, and were painfully picking out the several +mountains and trying to impress their names and positions on their +memories. It was one of the saddest sights I ever saw. + +Two sides of this place were guarded by railings, to keep people from +being blown over the precipices. The view, looking sheer down into +the broad valley, eastward, from this great elevation--almost a +perpendicular mile--was very quaint and curious. Counties, towns, hilly +ribs and ridges, wide stretches of green meadow, great forest tracts, +winding streams, a dozen blue lakes, a block of busy steamboats--we saw +all this little world in unique circumstantiality of detail--saw it just +as the birds see it--and all reduced to the smallest of scales and as +sharply worked out and finished as a steel engraving. The numerous toy +villages, with tiny spires projecting out of them, were just as the +children might have left them when done with play the day before; the +forest tracts were diminished to cushions of moss; one or two big lakes +were dwarfed to ponds, the smaller ones to puddles--though they did not +look like puddles, but like blue teardrops which had fallen and lodged +in slight depressions, conformable to their shapes, among the moss-beds +and the smooth levels of dainty green farm-land; the microscopic +steamboats glided along, as in a city reservoir, taking a mighty time to +cover the distance between ports which seemed only a yard apart; and the +isthmus which separated two lakes looked as if one might stretch out on +it and lie with both elbows in the water, yet we knew invisible wagons +were toiling across it and finding the distance a tedious one. This +beautiful miniature world had exactly the appearance of those "relief +maps" which reproduce nature precisely, with the heights and depressions +and other details graduated to a reduced scale, and with the rocks, +trees, lakes, etc., colored after nature. + + + +I believed we could walk down to Waeggis or Vitznau in a day, but I knew +we could go down by rail in about an hour, so I chose the latter method. +I wanted to see what it was like, anyway. The train came along about the +middle of the afternoon, and an odd thing it was. The locomotive-boiler +stood on end, and it and the whole locomotive were tilted sharply +backward. There were two passenger-cars, roofed, but wide open all +around. These cars were not tilted back, but the seats were; this +enables the passenger to sit level while going down a steep incline. + +There are three railway-tracks; the central one is cogged; the "lantern +wheel" of the engine grips its way along these cogs, and pulls the +train up the hill or retards its motion on the down trip. About the same +speed--three miles an hour--is maintained both ways. Whether going up or +down, the locomotive is always at the lower end of the train. It pushes +in the one case, braces back in the other. The passenger rides backward +going up, and faces forward going down. + +We got front seats, and while the train moved along about fifty yards +on level ground, I was not the least frightened; but now it started +abruptly downstairs, and I caught my breath. And I, like my neighbors, +unconsciously held back all I could, and threw my weight to the rear, +but, of course, that did no particular good. I had slidden down the +balusters when I was a boy, and thought nothing of it, but to slide down +the balusters in a railway-train is a thing to make one's flesh creep. +Sometimes we had as much as ten yards of almost level ground, and this +gave us a few full breaths in comfort; but straightway we would turn a +corner and see a long steep line of rails stretching down below us, and +the comfort was at an end. One expected to see the locomotive pause, +or slack up a little, and approach this plunge cautiously, but it +did nothing of the kind; it went calmly on, and went it reached the +jumping-off place it made a sudden bow, and went gliding smoothly +downstairs, untroubled by the circumstances. + +It was wildly exhilarating to slide along the edge of the precipices, +after this grisly fashion, and look straight down upon that far-off +valley which I was describing a while ago. + +There was no level ground at the Kaltbad station; the railbed was as +steep as a roof; I was curious to see how the stop was going to be +managed. But it was very simple; the train came sliding down, and when +it reached the right spot it just stopped--that was all there was "to +it"--stopped on the steep incline, and when the exchange of passengers +and baggage had been made, it moved off and went sliding down again. The +train can be stopped anywhere, at a moment's notice. + +There was one curious effect, which I need not take the trouble to +describe--because I can scissor a description of it out of the railway +company's advertising pamphlet, and save my ink: + + + +"On the whole tour, particularly at the Descent, we undergo an optical +illusion which often seems to be incredible. All the shrubs, fir trees, +stables, houses, etc., seem to be bent in a slanting direction, as by an +immense pressure of air. They are all standing awry, so much awry that +the chalets and cottages of the peasants seem to be tumbling down. It +is the consequence of the steep inclination of the line. Those who +are seated in the carriage do not observe that they are going down a +declivity of twenty to twenty-five degrees (their seats being adapted +to this course of proceeding and being bent down at their backs). They +mistake their carriage and its horizontal lines for a proper measure of +the normal plain, and therefore all the objects outside which really +are in a horizontal position must show a disproportion of twenty to +twenty-five degrees declivity, in regard to the mountain." + +By the time one reaches Kaltbad, he has acquired confidence in the +railway, and he now ceases to try to ease the locomotive by holding +back. Thenceforth he smokes his pipe in serenity, and gazes out upon the +magnificent picture below and about him with unfettered enjoyment. There +is nothing to interrupt the view or the breeze; it is like inspecting +the world on the wing. However--to be exact--there is one place where +the serenity lapses for a while; this is while one is crossing the +Schnurrtobel Bridge, a frail structure which swings its gossamer frame +down through the dizzy air, over a gorge, like a vagrant spider-strand. + +One has no difficulty in remembering his sins while the train is +creeping down this bridge; and he repents of them, too; though he sees, +when he gets to Vitznau, that he need not have done it, the bridge was +perfectly safe. + +So ends the eventual trip which we made to the Rigi-Kulm to see an +Alpine sunrise. + + + +CHAPTER XXX + +[Harris Climbs Mountains for Me] + + +An hour's sail brought us to Lucerne again. I judged it best to go to +bed and rest several days, for I knew that the man who undertakes to +make the tour of Europe on foot must take care of himself. + +Thinking over my plans, as mapped out, I perceived that they did not +take in the Furka Pass, the Rhone Glacier, the Finsteraarhorn, the +Wetterhorn, etc. I immediately examined the guide-book to see if these +were important, and found they were; in fact, a pedestrian tour of +Europe could not be complete without them. Of course that decided me at +once to see them, for I never allow myself to do things by halves, or in +a slurring, slipshod way. + +I called in my agent and instructed him to go without delay and make a +careful examination of these noted places, on foot, and bring me back a +written report of the result, for insertion in my book. I instructed +him to go to Hospenthal as quickly as possible, and make his grand start +from there; to extend his foot expedition as far as the Giesbach fall, +and return to me from thence by diligence or mule. I told him to take +the courier with him. + +He objected to the courier, and with some show of reason, since he was +about to venture upon new and untried ground; but I thought he might +as well learn how to take care of the courier now as later, therefore I +enforced my point. I said that the trouble, delay, and inconvenience +of traveling with a courier were balanced by the deep respect which a +courier's presence commands, and I must insist that as much style be +thrown into my journeys as possible. + +So the two assumed complete mountaineering costumes and departed. A week +later they returned, pretty well used up, and my agent handed me the +following: Official Report + +OF A VISIT TO THE FURKA REGION. + +BY H. HARRIS, AGENT About seven o'clock in the morning, with perfectly +fine weather, we started from Hospenthal, and arrived at the MAISON on +the Furka in a little under QUATRE hours. The want of variety in the +scenery from Hospenthal made the KAHKAHPONEEKA wearisome; but let none +be discouraged; no one can fail to be completely R'ECOMPENS'EE for his +fatigue, when he sees, for the first time, the monarch of the Oberland, +the tremendous Finsteraarhorn. A moment before all was dullness, but +a PAS further has placed us on the summit of the Furka; and exactly in +front of us, at a HOPOW of only fifteen miles, this magnificent mountain +lifts its snow-wreathed precipices into the deep blue sky. The inferior +mountains on each side of the pass form a sort of frame for the picture +of their dread lord, and close in the view so completely that no other +prominent feature in the Oberland is visible from this BONG-A-BONG; +nothing withdraws the attention from the solitary grandeur of the +Finsteraarhorn and the dependent spurs which form the abutments of the +central peak. + + + +With the addition of some others, who were also bound for the Grimsel, +we formed a large XHVLOJ as we descended the STEG which winds round the +shoulder of a mountain toward the Rhone Glacier. We soon left the path +and took to the ice; and after wandering amongst the crevices UN PEU, to +admire the wonders of these deep blue caverns, and hear the rushing of +waters through their subglacial channels, we struck out a course toward +L'AUTRE COTE and crossed the glacier successfully, a little above the +cave from which the infant Rhone takes its first bound from under the +grand precipice of ice. Half a mile below this we began to climb the +flowery side of the Meienwand. One of our party started before the rest, +but the HITZE was so great, that we found IHM quite exhausted, and lying +at full length in the shade of a large GESTEIN. We sat down with him +for a time, for all felt the heat exceedingly in the climb up this very +steep BOLWOGGOLY, and then we set out again together, and arrived at +last near the Dead Man's Lake, at the foot of the Sidelhorn. This lonely +spot, once used for an extempore burying-place, after a sanguinary +BATTUE between the French and Austrians, is the perfection of +desolation; there is nothing in sight to mark the hand of man, except +the line of weather-beaten whitened posts, set up to indicate the +direction of the pass in the OWDAWAKK of winter. Near this point the +footpath joins the wider track, which connects the Grimsel with the head +of the Rhone SCHNAWP; this has been carefully constructed, and leads +with a tortuous course among and over LES PIERRES, down to the bank of +the gloomy little SWOSH-SWOSH, which almost washes against the walls of +the Grimsel Hospice. We arrived a little before four o'clock at the end +of our day's journey, hot enough to justify the step, taking by most of +the PARTIE, of plunging into the crystal water of the snow-fed lake. + + + +The next afternoon we started for a walk up the Unteraar glacier, with +the intention of, at all events, getting as far as the Huette which is +used as a sleeping-place by most of those who cross the Strahleck Pass +to Grindelwald. We got over the tedious collection of stones and DEBRIS +which covers the PIED of the GLETCHER, and had walked nearly three hours +from the Grimsel, when, just as we were thinking of crossing over to the +right, to climb the cliffs at the foot of the hut, the clouds, which had +for some time assumed a threatening appearance, suddenly dropped, and +a huge mass of them, driving toward us from the Finsteraarhorn, poured +down a deluge of HABOOLONG and hail. Fortunately, we were not far from +a very large glacier-table; it was a huge rock balanced on a pedestal +of ice high enough to admit of our all creeping under it for GOWKARAK. +A stream of PUCKITTYPUKK had furrowed a course for itself in the ice +at its base, and we were obliged to stand with one FUSS on each side of +this, and endeavor to keep ourselves CHAUD by cutting steps in the steep +bank of the pedestal, so as to get a higher place for standing on, +as the WASSER rose rapidly in its trench. A very cold BZZZZZZZZEEE +accompanied the storm, and made our position far from pleasant; and +presently came a flash of BLITZEN, apparently in the middle of our +little party, with an instantaneous clap of YOKKY, sounding like a large +gun fired close to our ears; the effect was startling; but in a few +seconds our attention was fixed by the roaring echoes of the thunder +against the tremendous mountains which completely surrounded us. This +was followed by many more bursts, none of WELCHE, however, was so +dangerously near; and after waiting a long DEMI-hour in our icy prison, +we sallied out to talk through a HABOOLONG which, though not so heavy +as before, was quite enough to give us a thorough soaking before our +arrival at the Hospice. + +The Grimsel is CERTAINEMENT a wonderful place; situated at the bottom +of a sort of huge crater, the sides of which are utterly savage GEBIRGE, +composed of barren rocks which cannot even support a single pine ARBRE, +and afford only scanty food for a herd of GMWKWLLOLP, it looks as if +it must be completely BEGRABEN in the winter snows. Enormous avalanches +fall against it every spring, sometimes covering everything to the depth +of thirty or forty feet; and, in spite of walls four feet thick, and +furnished with outside shutters, the two men who stay here when the +VOYAGEURS are snugly quartered in their distant homes can tell you that +the snow sometimes shakes the house to its foundations. + +Next morning the HOGGLEBUMGULLUP still continued bad, but we made up our +minds to go on, and make the best of it. Half an hour after we started, +the REGEN thickened unpleasantly, and we attempted to get shelter under +a projecting rock, but being far to NASS already to make standing at +all AGREABLE, we pushed on for the Handeck, consoling ourselves with the +reflection that from the furious rushing of the river Aar at our +side, we should at all events see the celebrated WASSERFALL in GRANDE +PERFECTION. Nor were we NAPPERSOCKET in our expectation; the water +was roaring down its leap of two hundred and fifty feet in a most +magnificent frenzy, while the trees which cling to its rocky sides +swayed to and fro in the violence of the hurricane which it brought down +with it; even the stream, which falls into the main cascade at right +angles, and TOUTEFOIS forms a beautiful feature in the scene, was now +swollen into a raging torrent; and the violence of this "meeting of the +waters," about fifty feet below the frail bridge where we stood, was +fearfully grand. While we were looking at it, GLUeECKLICHEWEISE a gleam +of sunshine came out, and instantly a beautiful rainbow was formed by +the spray, and hung in mid-air suspended over the awful gorge. + +On going into the CHALET above the fall, we were informed that a BRUECKE +had broken down near Guttanen, and that it would be impossible to +proceed for some time; accordingly we were kept in our drenched +condition for EIN STUNDE, when some VOYAGEURS arrived from Meiringen, +and told us that there had been a trifling accident, ABER that we could +now cross. On arriving at the spot, I was much inclined to suspect that +the whole story was a ruse to make us SLOWWK and drink the more at the +Handeck Inn, for only a few planks had been carried away, and though +there might perhaps have been some difficulty with mules, the gap was +certainly not larger than a MMBGLX might cross with a very slight leap. +Near Guttanen the HABOOLONG happily ceased, and we had time to walk +ourselves tolerably dry before arriving at Reichenback, WO we enjoyed a +good DINE at the Hotel des Alps. + + + +Next morning we walked to Rosenlaui, the BEAU IDEAL of Swiss scenery, +where we spent the middle of the day in an excursion to the glacier. +This was more beautiful than words can describe, for in the constant +progress of the ice it has changed the form of its extremity and formed +a vast cavern, as blue as the sky above, and rippled like a frozen +ocean. A few steps cut in the WHOOPJAMBOREEHOO enabled us to walk +completely under this, and feast our eyes upon one of the loveliest +objects in creation. The glacier was all around divided by numberless +fissures of the same exquisite color, and the finest wood-ERDBEEREN were +growing in abundance but a few yards from the ice. The inn stands in a +CHARMANT spot close to the COTE DE LA RIVIERE, which, lower down, forms +the Reichenbach fall, and embosomed in the richest of pine woods, +while the fine form of the Wellhorn looking down upon it completes the +enchanting BOPPLE. In the afternoon we walked over the Great Scheideck +to Grindelwald, stopping to pay a visit to the Upper glacier by the way; +but we were again overtaken by bad HOGGLEBUMGULLUP and arrived at the +hotel in a SOLCHE a state that the landlord's wardrobe was in great +request. + +The clouds by this time seemed to have done their worst, for a lovely +day succeeded, which we determined to devote to an ascent of the +Faulhorn. We left Grindelwald just as a thunder-storm was dying away, +and we hoped to find GUTEN WETTER up above; but the rain, which had +nearly ceased, began again, and we were struck by the rapidly increasing +FROID as we ascended. Two-thirds of the way up were completed when +the rain was exchanged for GNILLIC, with which the BODEN was thickly +covered, and before we arrived at the top the GNILLIC and mist became +so thick that we could not see one another at more than twenty POOPOO +distance, and it became difficult to pick our way over the rough and +thickly covered ground. Shivering with cold, we turned into bed with a +double allowance of clothes, and slept comfortably while the wind +howled AUTOUR DE LA MAISON; when I awoke, the wall and the window looked +equally dark, but in another hour I found I could just see the form +of the latter; so I jumped out of bed, and forced it open, though with +great difficulty from the frost and the quantities of GNILLIC heaped up +against it. + +A row of huge icicles hung down from the edge of the roof, and anything +more wintry than the whole ANBLICK could not well be imagined; but the +sudden appearance of the great mountains in front was so startling +that I felt no inclination to move toward bed again. The snow which +had collected upon LA FENTRE had increased the FINSTERNISS ODER DER +DUNKELHEIT, so that when I looked out I was surprised to find that the +daylight was considerable, and that the BALRAGOOMAH would evidently rise +before long. Only the brightest of LES E'TOILES were still shining; the +sky was cloudless overhead, though small curling mists lay thousands of +feet below us in the valleys, wreathed around the feet of the mountains, +and adding to the splendor of their lofty summits. We were soon dressed +and out of the house, watching the gradual approach of dawn, thoroughly +absorbed in the first near view of the Oberland giants, which broke +upon us unexpectedly after the intense obscurity of the evening before. +"KABAUGWAKKO SONGWASHEE KUM WETTERHORN SNAWPO!" cried some one, as that +grand summit gleamed with the first rose of dawn; and in a few moments +the double crest of the Schreckhorn followed its example; peak after +peak seemed warmed with life, the Jungfrau blushed even more beautifully +than her neighbors, and soon, from the Wetterhorn in the east to the +Wildstrubel in the west, a long row of fires glowed upon mighty altars, +truly worthy of the gods. + + + +The WLGW was very severe; our sleeping-place could hardly be DISTINGUEE +from the snow around it, which had fallen to a depth of a FLIRK during +the past evening, and we heartily enjoyed a rough scramble EN BAS to +the Giesbach falls, where we soon found a warm climate. At noon the day +before Grindelwald the thermometer could not have stood at less than 100 +degrees Fahr. in the sun; and in the evening, judging from the icicles +formed, and the state of the windows, there must have been at least +twelve DINGBLATTER of frost, thus giving a change of 80 degrees during a +few hours. + +I said: + +"You have done well, Harris; this report is concise, compact, well +expressed; the language is crisp, the descriptions are vivid and not +needlessly elaborated; your report goes straight to the point, attends +strictly to business, and doesn't fool around. It is in many ways an +excellent document. But it has a fault--it is too learned, it is much +too learned. What is 'DINGBLATTER'? + +"'DINGBLATTER' is a Fiji word meaning 'degrees.'" + +"You knew the English of it, then?" + +"Oh, yes." + +"What is 'GNILLIC'? + +"That is the Eskimo term for 'snow.'" + +"So you knew the English for that, too?" + +"Why, certainly." + +"What does 'MMBGLX' stand for?" + +"That is Zulu for 'pedestrian.'" + +"'While the form of the Wellhorn looking down upon it completes the +enchanting BOPPLE.' What is 'BOPPLE'?" + +"'Picture.' It's Choctaw." + +"What is 'SCHNAWP'?" + +"'Valley.' That is Choctaw, also." + +"What is 'BOLWOGGOLY'?" + +"That is Chinese for 'hill.'" + +"'KAHKAHPONEEKA'?" + +"'Ascent.' Choctaw." + +"'But we were again overtaken by bad HOGGLEBUMGULLUP.' What does +'HOGGLEBUMGULLUP' mean?" + +"That is Chinese for 'weather.'" + +"Is 'HOGGLEBUMGULLUP' better than the English word? Is it any more +descriptive?" + +"No, it means just the same." + +"And 'DINGBLATTER' and 'GNILLIC,' and 'BOPPLE,' and 'SCHNAWP'--are they +better than the English words?" + +"No, they mean just what the English ones do." + +"Then why do you use them? Why have you used all this Chinese and +Choctaw and Zulu rubbish?" + +"Because I didn't know any French but two or three words, and I didn't +know any Latin or Greek at all." + +"That is nothing. Why should you want to use foreign words, anyhow?" + +"They adorn my page. They all do it." + +"Who is 'all'?" + +"Everybody. Everybody that writes elegantly. Anybody has a right to that +wants to." + +"I think you are mistaken." I then proceeded in the following scathing +manner. "When really learned men write books for other learned men +to read, they are justified in using as many learned words as they +please--their audience will understand them; but a man who writes a book +for the general public to read is not justified in disfiguring his pages +with untranslated foreign expressions. It is an insolence toward the +majority of the purchasers, for it is a very frank and impudent way of +saying, 'Get the translations made yourself if you want them, this +book is not written for the ignorant classes.' There are men who know +a foreign language so well and have used it so long in their daily +life that they seem to discharge whole volleys of it into their English +writings unconsciously, and so they omit to translate, as much as +half the time. That is a great cruelty to nine out of ten of the man's +readers. What is the excuse for this? The writer would say he only uses +the foreign language where the delicacy of his point cannot be conveyed +in English. Very well, then he writes his best things for the tenth man, +and he ought to warn the nine other not to buy his book. However, the +excuse he offers is at least an excuse; but there is another set of +men who are like YOU; they know a WORD here and there, of a foreign +language, or a few beggarly little three-word phrases, filched from the +back of the Dictionary, and these are continually peppering into their +literature, with a pretense of knowing that language--what excuse can +they offer? The foreign words and phrases which they use have their +exact equivalents in a nobler language--English; yet they think they +'adorn their page' when they say STRASSE for street, and BAHNHOF for +railway-station, and so on--flaunting these fluttering rags of poverty +in the reader's face and imagining he will be ass enough to take +them for the sign of untold riches held in reserve. I will let your +'learning' remain in your report; you have as much right, I suppose, to +'adorn your page' with Zulu and Chinese and Choctaw rubbish as others of +your sort have to adorn theirs with insolent odds and ends smouched from +half a dozen learned tongues whose A-B ABS they don't even know." + +When the musing spider steps upon the red-hot shovel, he first exhibits +a wild surprise, then he shrivels up. Similar was the effect of these +blistering words upon the tranquil and unsuspecting Agent. I can be +dreadfully rough on a person when the mood takes me. + + + +CHAPTER XXXI + +[Alp-scaling by Carriage] + + +We now prepared for a considerable walk--from Lucerne to Interlaken, +over the Bruenig Pass. But at the last moment the weather was so good +that I changed my mind and hired a four-horse carriage. It was a huge +vehicle, roomy, as easy in its motion as a palanquin, and exceedingly +comfortable. + +We got away pretty early in the morning, after a hot breakfast, and +went bowling over a hard, smooth road, through the summer loveliness of +Switzerland, with near and distant lakes and mountains before and about +us for the entertainment of the eye, and the music of multitudinous +birds to charm the ear. Sometimes there was only the width of the road +between the imposing precipices on the right and the clear cool water on +the left with its shoals of uncatchable fish skimming about through the +bars of sun and shadow; and sometimes, in place of the precipices, the +grassy land stretched away, in an apparently endless upward slant, +and was dotted everywhere with snug little chalets, the peculiarly +captivating cottage of Switzerland. + +The ordinary chalet turns a broad, honest gable end to the road, and +its ample roof hovers over the home in a protecting, caressing way, +projecting its sheltering eaves far outward. The quaint windows are +filled with little panes, and garnished with white muslin curtains, +and brightened with boxes of blooming flowers. Across the front of the +house, and up the spreading eaves and along the fanciful railings of +the shallow porch, are elaborate carvings--wreaths, fruits, arabesques, +verses from Scripture, names, dates, etc. The building is wholly of +wood, reddish brown in tint, a very pleasing color. It generally has +vines climbing over it. Set such a house against the fresh green of the +hillside, and it looks ever so cozy and inviting and picturesque, and is +a decidedly graceful addition to the landscape. + +One does not find out what a hold the chalet has taken upon him, until +he presently comes upon a new house--a house which is aping the town +fashions of Germany and France, a prim, hideous, straight-up-and-down +thing, plastered all over on the outside to look like stone, and +altogether so stiff, and formal, and ugly, and forbidding, and so out of +tune with the gracious landscape, and so deaf and dumb and dead to the +poetry of its surroundings, that it suggests an undertaker at a picnic, +a corpse at a wedding, a puritan in Paradise. + + + +In the course of the morning we passed the spot where Pontius Pilate is +said to have thrown himself into the lake. The legend goes that after +the Crucifixion his conscience troubled him, and he fled from Jerusalem +and wandered about the earth, weary of life and a prey to tortures +of the mind. Eventually, he hid himself away, on the heights of Mount +Pilatus, and dwelt alone among the clouds and crags for years; but rest +and peace were still denied him, so he finally put an end to his misery +by drowning himself. + +Presently we passed the place where a man of better odor was born. This +was the children's friend, Santa Claus, or St. Nicholas. There are some +unaccountable reputations in the world. This saint's is an instance. He +has ranked for ages as the peculiar friend of children, yet it appears +he was not much of a friend to his own. He had ten of them, and when +fifty years old he left them, and sought out as dismal a refuge from the +world as possible, and became a hermit in order that he might reflect +upon pious themes without being disturbed by the joyous and other noises +from the nursery, doubtless. + + + +Judging by Pilate and St. Nicholas, there exists no rule for the +construction of hermits; they seem made out of all kinds of material. +But Pilate attended to the matter of expiating his sin while he was +alive, whereas St. Nicholas will probably have to go on climbing down +sooty chimneys, Christmas eve, forever, and conferring kindness on other +people's children, to make up for deserting his own. His bones are kept +in a church in a village (Sachseln) which we visited, and are naturally +held in great reverence. His portrait is common in the farmhouses of +the region, but is believed by many to be but an indifferent likeness. +During his hermit life, according to legend, he partook of the bread +and wine of the communion once a month, but all the rest of the month he +fasted. + + + +A constant marvel with us, as we sped along the bases of the steep +mountains on this journey, was, not that avalanches occur, but that they +are not occurring all the time. One does not understand why rocks +and landslides do not plunge down these declivities daily. A landslip +occurred three quarters of a century ago, on the route from Arth to +Brunnen, which was a formidable thing. A mass of conglomerate two miles +long, a thousand feet broad, and a hundred feet thick, broke away from a +cliff three thousand feet high and hurled itself into the valley below, +burying four villages and five hundred people, as in a grave. + + + +We had such a beautiful day, and such endless pictures of limpid lakes, +and green hills and valleys, and majestic mountains, and milky cataracts +dancing down the steeps and gleaming in the sun, that we could not help +feeling sweet toward all the world; so we tried to drink all the +milk, and eat all the grapes and apricots and berries, and buy all the +bouquets of wild flowers which the little peasant boys and girls offered +for sale; but we had to retire from this contract, for it was too heavy. + +At short distances--and they were entirely too short--all along the +road, were groups of neat and comely children, with their wares nicely +and temptingly set forth in the grass under the shade trees, and as soon +as we approached they swarmed into the road, holding out their baskets +and milk bottles, and ran beside the carriage, barefoot and bareheaded, +and importuned us to buy. They seldom desisted early, but continued to +run and insist--beside the wagon while they could, and behind it until +they lost breath. Then they turned and chased a returning carriage back +to their trading-post again. After several hours of this, without any +intermission, it becomes almost annoying. I do not know what we should +have done without the returning carriages to draw off the pursuit. +However, there were plenty of these, loaded with dusty tourists and +piled high with luggage. Indeed, from Lucerne to Interlaken we had +the spectacle, among other scenery, of an unbroken procession of +fruit-peddlers and tourists carriages. + +Our talk was mostly anticipatory of what we should see on the down-grade +of the Bruenig, by and by, after we should pass the summit. All our +friends in Lucerne had said that to look down upon Meiringen, and the +rushing blue-gray river Aar, and the broad level green valley; and +across at the mighty Alpine precipices that rise straight up to the +clouds out of that valley; and up at the microscopic chalets perched +upon the dizzy eaves of those precipices and winking dimly and fitfully +through the drifting veil of vapor; and still up and up, at the superb +Oltschiback and the other beautiful cascades that leap from those rugged +heights, robed in powdery spray, ruffled with foam, and girdled with +rainbows--to look upon these things, they say, was to look upon the last +possibility of the sublime and the enchanting. Therefore, as I say, +we talked mainly of these coming wonders; if we were conscious of any +impatience, it was to get there in favorable season; if we felt any +anxiety, it was that the day might remain perfect, and enable us to see +those marvels at their best. + +As we approached the Kaiserstuhl, a part of the harness gave way. + +We were in distress for a moment, but only a moment. It was the +fore-and-aft gear that was broken--the thing that leads aft from the +forward part of the horse and is made fast to the thing that pulls the +wagon. In America this would have been a heavy leathern strap; but, all +over the continent it is nothing but a piece of rope the size of +your little finger--clothes-line is what it is. Cabs use it, private +carriages, freight-carts and wagons, all sorts of vehicles have it. In +Munich I afterward saw it used on a long wagon laden with fifty-four +half-barrels of beer; I had before noticed that the cabs in Heidelberg +used it--not new rope, but rope that had been in use since Abraham's +time --and I had felt nervous, sometimes, behind it when the cab was +tearing down a hill. But I had long been accustomed to it now, and had +even become afraid of the leather strap which belonged in its place. Our +driver got a fresh piece of clothes-line out of his locker and repaired +the break in two minutes. + +So much for one European fashion. Every country has its own ways. It may +interest the reader to know how they "put horses to" on the continent. +The man stands up the horses on each side of the thing that projects +from the front end of the wagon, and then throws the tangled mess of +gear forward through a ring, and hauls it aft, and passes the other +thing through the other ring and hauls it aft on the other side of the +other horse, opposite to the first one, after crossing them and bringing +the loose end back, and then buckles the other thing underneath the +horse, and takes another thing and wraps it around the thing I spoke +of before, and puts another thing over each horse's head, with broad +flappers to it to keep the dust out of his eyes, and puts the iron thing +in his mouth for him to grit his teeth on, uphill, and brings the ends +of these things aft over his back, after buckling another one around +under his neck to hold his head up, and hitching another thing on +a thing that goes over his shoulders to keep his head up when he is +climbing a hill, and then takes the slack of the thing which I mentioned +a while ago, and fetches it aft and makes it fast to the thing that +pulls the wagon, and hands the other things up to the driver to steer +with. I never have buckled up a horse myself, but I do not think we do +it that way. + + + +We had four very handsome horses, and the driver was very proud of his +turnout. He would bowl along on a reasonable trot, on the highway, but +when he entered a village he did it on a furious run, and accompanied it +with a frenzy of ceaseless whip-crackings that sounded like volleys of +musketry. He tore through the narrow streets and around the sharp curves +like a moving earthquake, showering his volleys as he went, and before +him swept a continuous tidal wave of scampering children, ducks, cats, +and mothers clasping babies which they had snatched out of the way of +the coming destruction; and as this living wave washed aside, along the +walls, its elements, being safe, forgot their fears and turned their +admiring gaze upon that gallant driver till he thundered around the next +curve and was lost to sight. + +He was a great man to those villagers, with his gaudy clothes and his +terrific ways. Whenever he stopped to have his cattle watered and fed +with loaves of bread, the villagers stood around admiring him while +he swaggered about, the little boys gazed up at his face with humble +homage, and the landlord brought out foaming mugs of beer and conversed +proudly with him while he drank. Then he mounted his lofty box, swung +his explosive whip, and away he went again, like a storm. I had not +seen anything like this before since I was a boy, and the stage used to +flourish the village with the dust flying and the horn tooting. + + + +When we reached the base of the Kaiserstuhl, we took two more horses; we +had to toil along with difficulty for an hour and a half or two hours, +for the ascent was not very gradual, but when we passed the backbone and +approached the station, the driver surpassed all his previous efforts in +the way of rush and clatter. He could not have six horses all the time, +so he made the most of his chance while he had it. + +Up to this point we had been in the heart of the William Tell region. +The hero is not forgotten, by any means, or held in doubtful veneration. +His wooden image, with his bow drawn, above the doors of taverns, was a +frequent feature of the scenery. + +About noon we arrived at the foot of the Bruenig Pass, and made a +two-hour stop at the village hotel, another of those clean, pretty, and +thoroughly well-kept inns which are such an astonishment to people +who are accustomed to hotels of a dismally different pattern in remote +country-towns. There was a lake here, in the lap of the great mountains, +the green slopes that rose toward the lower crags were graced with +scattered Swiss cottages nestling among miniature farms and gardens, +and from out a leafy ambuscade in the upper heights tumbled a brawling +cataract. + + + +Carriage after carriage, laden with tourists and trunks, arrived, and +the quiet hotel was soon populous. We were early at the table d'hote and +saw the people all come in. There were twenty-five, perhaps. They were +of various nationalities, but we were the only Americans. Next to me sat +an English bride, and next to her sat her new husband, whom she called +"Neddy," though he was big enough and stalwart enough to be entitled to +his full name. They had a pretty little lovers' quarrel over what wine +they should have. Neddy was for obeying the guide-book and taking the +wine of the country; but the bride said: + +"What, that nahsty stuff!" + +"It isn't nahsty, pet, it's quite good." + +"It IS nahsty." + +"No, it ISN'T nahsty." + +"It's Oful nahsty, Neddy, and I shahn't drink it." + +Then the question was, what she must have. She said he knew very well +that she never drank anything but champagne. + +She added: + +"You know very well papa always has champagne on his table, and I've +always been used to it." + +Neddy made a playful pretense of being distressed about the expense, +and this amused her so much that she nearly exhausted herself with +laughter--and this pleased HIM so much that he repeated his jest a +couple of times, and added new and killing varieties to it. When the +bride finally recovered, she gave Neddy a love-box on the arm with her +fan, and said with arch severity: + +"Well, you would HAVE me--nothing else would do--so you'll have to make +the best of a bad bargain. DO order the champagne, I'm Oful dry." + + + +So with a mock groan which made her laugh again, Neddy ordered the +champagne. + +The fact that this young woman had never moistened the selvedge edge of +her soul with a less plebeian tipple than champagne, had a marked and +subduing effect on Harris. He believed she belonged to the royal family. +But I had my doubts. + +We heard two or three different languages spoken by people at the +table and guessed out the nationalities of most of the guests to our +satisfaction, but we failed with an elderly gentleman and his wife and +a young girl who sat opposite us, and with a gentleman of about +thirty-five who sat three seats beyond Harris. We did not hear any of +these speak. But finally the last-named gentleman left while we were not +noticing, but we looked up as he reached the far end of the table. He +stopped there a moment, and made his toilet with a pocket comb. So he +was a German; or else he had lived in German hotels long enough to catch +the fashion. When the elderly couple and the young girl rose to leave, +they bowed respectfully to us. So they were Germans, too. This national +custom is worth six of the other one, for export. + + + +After dinner we talked with several Englishmen, and they inflamed our +desire to a hotter degree than ever, to see the sights of Meiringen from +the heights of the Bruenig Pass. They said the view was marvelous, and +that one who had seen it once could never forget it. They also spoke of +the romantic nature of the road over the pass, and how in one place it +had been cut through a flank of the solid rock, in such a way that the +mountain overhung the tourist as he passed by; and they furthermore said +that the sharp turns in the road and the abruptness of the descent would +afford us a thrilling experience, for we should go down in a flying +gallop and seem to be spinning around the rings of a whirlwind, like a +drop of whiskey descending the spirals of a corkscrew. + + + +I got all the information out of these gentlemen that we could need; and +then, to make everything complete, I asked them if a body could get hold +of a little fruit and milk here and there, in case of necessity. They +threw up their hands in speechless intimation that the road was simply +paved with refreshment-peddlers. We were impatient to get away, now, and +the rest of our two-hour stop rather dragged. But finally the set time +arrived and we began the ascent. Indeed it was a wonderful road. It was +smooth, and compact, and clean, and the side next the precipices was +guarded all along by dressed stone posts about three feet high, placed +at short distances apart. The road could not have been better built if +Napoleon the First had built it. He seems to have been the introducer of +the sort of roads which Europe now uses. All literature which describes +life as it existed in England, France, and Germany up to the close +of the last century, is filled with pictures of coaches and carriages +wallowing through these three countries in mud and slush half-wheel +deep; but after Napoleon had floundered through a conquered kingdom he +generally arranged things so that the rest of the world could follow +dry-shod. + +We went on climbing, higher and higher, and curving hither and thither, +in the shade of noble woods, and with a rich variety and profusion of +wild flowers all about us; and glimpses of rounded grassy backbones +below us occupied by trim chalets and nibbling sheep, and other glimpses +of far lower altitudes, where distance diminished the chalets to toys +and obliterated the sheep altogether; and every now and then some +ermined monarch of the Alps swung magnificently into view for a moment, +then drifted past an intervening spur and disappeared again. + +It was an intoxicating trip altogether; the exceeding sense of +satisfaction that follows a good dinner added largely to the enjoyment; +the having something especial to look forward to and muse about, like +the approaching grandeurs of Meiringen, sharpened the zest. Smoking +was never so good before, solid comfort was never solider; we lay back +against the thick cushions silent, meditative, steeped in felicity. * +* * * * * * * I rubbed my eyes, opened them, and started. I had been +dreaming I was at sea, and it was a thrilling surprise to wake up and +find land all around me. It took me a couple seconds to "come to," as +you may say; then I took in the situation. The horses were drinking at +a trough in the edge of a town, the driver was taking beer, Harris was +snoring at my side, the courier, with folded arms and bowed head, was +sleeping on the box, two dozen barefooted and bareheaded children were +gathered about the carriage, with their hands crossed behind, gazing up +with serious and innocent admiration at the dozing tourists baking there +in the sun. Several small girls held night-capped babies nearly as big +as themselves in their arms, and even these fat babies seemed to take a +sort of sluggish interest in us. + + + +We had slept an hour and a half and missed all the scenery! I did not +need anybody to tell me that. If I had been a girl, I could have cursed +for vexation. As it was, I woke up the agent and gave him a piece of +my mind. Instead of being humiliated, he only upbraided me for being +so wanting in vigilance. He said he had expected to improve his mind by +coming to Europe, but a man might travel to the ends of the earth with +me and never see anything, for I was manifestly endowed with the very +genius of ill luck. He even tried to get up some emotion about that +poor courier, who never got a chance to see anything, on account of my +heedlessness. But when I thought I had borne about enough of this kind +of talk, I threatened to make Harris tramp back to the summit and make a +report on that scenery, and this suggestion spiked his battery. + +We drove sullenly through Brienz, dead to the seductions of its +bewildering array of Swiss carvings and the clamorous HOO-hooing of +its cuckoo clocks, and had not entirely recovered our spirits when we +rattled across a bridge over the rushing blue river and entered the +pretty town of Interlaken. It was just about sunset, and we had made the +trip from Lucerne in ten hours. + + + +CHAPTER XXXII + +[The Jungfrau, the Bride, and the Piano] + + +We located ourselves at the Jungfrau Hotel, one of those huge +establishments which the needs of modern travel have created in every +attractive spot on the continent. There was a great gathering at dinner, +and, as usual, one heard all sorts of languages. + +The table d'hote was served by waitresses dressed in the quaint and +comely costume of the Swiss peasants. This consists of a simple gros de +laine, trimmed with ashes of roses, with overskirt of scare bleu ventre +saint gris, cut bias on the off-side, with facings of petit polonaise +and narrow insertions of pate de foie gras backstitched to the mise +en sce`ne in the form of a jeu d'esprit. It gives to the wearer a +singularly piquant and alluring aspect. + +One of these waitresses, a woman of forty, had side-whiskers reaching +half-way down her jaws. They were two fingers broad, dark in color, +pretty thick, and the hairs were an inch long. One sees many women on +the continent with quite conspicuous mustaches, but this was the only +woman I saw who had reached the dignity of whiskers. + +After dinner the guests of both sexes distributed themselves about the +front porches and the ornamental grounds belonging to the hotel, to +enjoy the cool air; but, as the twilight deepened toward darkness, they +gathered themselves together in that saddest and solemnest and most +constrained of all places, the great blank drawing-room which is the +chief feature of all continental summer hotels. There they grouped +themselves about, in couples and threes, and mumbled in bated voices, +and looked timid and homeless and forlorn. + +There was a small piano in this room, a clattery, wheezy, asthmatic +thing, certainly the very worst miscarriage in the way of a piano that +the world has seen. In turn, five or six dejected and homesick ladies +approached it doubtingly, gave it a single inquiring thump, and +retired with the lockjaw. But the boss of that instrument was to come, +nevertheless; and from my own country--from Arkansaw. + +She was a brand-new bride, innocent, girlish, happy in herself and her +grave and worshiping stripling of a husband; she was about eighteen, +just out of school, free from affectations, unconscious of that +passionless multitude around her; and the very first time she smote +that old wreck one recognized that it had met its destiny. Her stripling +brought an armful of aged sheet-music from their room--for this bride +went "heeled," as you might say--and bent himself lovingly over and got +ready to turn the pages. + + + +The bride fetched a swoop with her fingers from one end of the keyboard +to the other, just to get her bearings, as it were, and you could see +the congregation set their teeth with the agony of it. Then, without +any more preliminaries, she turned on all the horrors of the "Battle of +Prague," that venerable shivaree, and waded chin-deep in the blood of +the slain. She made a fair and honorable average of two false notes in +every five, but her soul was in arms and she never stopped to correct. +The audience stood it with pretty fair grit for a while, but when the +cannonade waxed hotter and fiercer, and the discord average rose to +four in five, the procession began to move. A few stragglers held their +ground ten minutes longer, but when the girl began to wring the true +inwardness out of the "cries of the wounded," they struck their colors +and retired in a kind of panic. + + + +There never was a completer victory; I was the only non-combatant left +on the field. I would not have deserted my countrywoman anyhow, but +indeed I had no desires in that direction. None of us like mediocrity, +but we all reverence perfection. This girl's music was perfection in its +way; it was the worst music that had ever been achieved on our planet by +a mere human being. + +I moved up close, and never lost a strain. When she got through, I +asked her to play it again. She did it with a pleased alacrity and a +heightened enthusiasm. She made it ALL discords, this time. She got an +amount of anguish into the cries of the wounded that shed a new light on +human suffering. She was on the war-path all the evening. All the time, +crowds of people gathered on the porches and pressed their noses against +the windows to look and marvel, but the bravest never ventured in. +The bride went off satisfied and happy with her young fellow, when her +appetite was finally gorged, and the tourists swarmed in again. + + + +What a change has come over Switzerland, and in fact all Europe, during +this century! Seventy or eighty years ago Napoleon was the only man in +Europe who could really be called a traveler; he was the only man who +had devoted his attention to it and taken a powerful interest in it; he +was the only man who had traveled extensively; but now everybody goes +everywhere; and Switzerland, and many other regions which were unvisited +and unknown remotenesses a hundred years ago, are in our days a buzzing +hive of restless strangers every summer. But I digress. + +In the morning, when we looked out of our windows, we saw a wonderful +sight. Across the valley, and apparently quite neighborly and close at +hand, the giant form of the Jungfrau rose cold and white into the clear +sky, beyond a gateway in the nearer highlands. It reminded me, somehow, +of one of those colossal billows which swells suddenly up beside one's +ship, at sea, sometimes, with its crest and shoulders snowy white, and +the rest of its noble proportions streaked downward with creamy foam. + +I took out my sketch-book and made a little picture of the Jungfrau, +merely to get the shape. + +I do not regard this as one of my finished works, in fact I do not rank +it among my Works at all; it is only a study; it is hardly more than +what one might call a sketch. Other artists have done me the grace to +admire it; but I am severe in my judgments of my own pictures, and this +one does not move me. + + + +It was hard to believe that that lofty wooded rampart on the left which +so overtops the Jungfrau was not actually the higher of the two, but it +was not, of course. It is only two or three thousand feet high, and of +course has no snow upon it in summer, whereas the Jungfrau is not much +shorter of fourteen thousand feet high and therefore that lowest verge +of snow on her side, which seems nearly down to the valley level, is +really about seven thousand feet higher up in the air than the summit +of that wooded rampart. It is the distance that makes the deception. +The wooded height is but four or five miles removed from us, but the +Jungfrau is four or five times that distance away. + + + +Walking down the street of shops, in the fore-noon, I was attracted by +a large picture, carved, frame and all, from a single block of +chocolate-colored wood. There are people who know everything. Some of +these had told us that continental shopkeepers always raise their prices +on English and Americans. Many people had told us it was expensive to +buy things through a courier, whereas I had supposed it was just the +reverse. When I saw this picture, I conjectured that it was worth more +than the friend I proposed to buy it for would like to pay, but still it +was worth while to inquire; so I told the courier to step in and ask +the price, as if he wanted it for himself; I told him not to speak in +English, and above all not to reveal the fact that he was a courier. +Then I moved on a few yards, and waited. + +The courier came presently and reported the price. I said to myself, "It +is a hundred francs too much," and so dismissed the matter from my +mind. But in the afternoon I was passing that place with Harris, and the +picture attracted me again. We stepped in, to see how much higher +broken German would raise the price. The shopwoman named a figure just +a hundred francs lower than the courier had named. This was a pleasant +surprise. I said I would take it. After I had given directions as to +where it was to be shipped, the shopwoman said, appealingly: + +"If you please, do not let your courier know you bought it." + +This was an unexpected remark. I said: + +"What makes you think I have a courier?" + +"Ah, that is very simple; he told me himself." + +"He was very thoughtful. But tell me--why did you charge him more than +you are charging me?" + +"That is very simple, also: I do not have to pay you a percentage." + +"Oh, I begin to see. You would have had to pay the courier a +percentage." + +"Undoubtedly. The courier always has his percentage. In this case it +would have been a hundred francs." + +"Then the tradesman does not pay a part of it--the purchaser pays all of +it?" + +"There are occasions when the tradesman and the courier agree upon a +price which is twice or thrice the value of the article, then the two +divide, and both get a percentage." + +"I see. But it seems to me that the purchaser does all the paying, even +then." + +"Oh, to be sure! It goes without saying." + +"But I have bought this picture myself; therefore why shouldn't the +courier know it?" + +The woman exclaimed, in distress: + +"Ah, indeed it would take all my little profit! He would come and demand +his hundred francs, and I should have to pay." + +"He has not done the buying. You could refuse." + +"I could not dare to refuse. He would never bring travelers here again. +More than that, he would denounce me to the other couriers, they would +divert custom from me, and my business would be injured." + +I went away in a thoughtful frame of mind. I began to see why a courier +could afford to work for fifty-five dollars a month and his fares. A +month or two later I was able to understand why a courier did not have +to pay any board and lodging, and why my hotel bills were always larger +when I had him with me than when I left him behind, somewhere, for a few +days. + +Another thing was also explained, now, apparently. In one town I had +taken the courier to the bank to do the translating when I drew some +money. I had sat in the reading-room till the transaction was finished. +Then a clerk had brought the money to me in person, and had been +exceedingly polite, even going so far as to precede me to the door and +holding it open for me and bow me out as if I had been a distinguished +personage. It was a new experience. Exchange had been in my favor ever +since I had been in Europe, but just that one time. I got simply the +face of my draft, and no extra francs, whereas I had expected to get +quite a number of them. This was the first time I had ever used the +courier at the bank. I had suspected something then, and as long as he +remained with me afterward I managed bank matters by myself. + +Still, if I felt that I could afford the tax, I would never travel +without a courier, for a good courier is a convenience whose value +cannot be estimated in dollars and cents. Without him, travel is a +bitter harassment, a purgatory of little exasperating annoyances, a +ceaseless and pitiless punishment--I mean to an irascible man who has no +business capacity and is confused by details. + + + +Without a courier, travel hasn't a ray of pleasure in it, anywhere; but +with him it is a continuous and unruffled delight. He is always at hand, +never has to be sent for; if your bell is not answered promptly--and it +seldom is--you have only to open the door and speak, the courier will +hear, and he will have the order attended to or raise an insurrection. +You tell him what day you will start, and whither you are going--leave +all the rest to him. You need not inquire about trains, or fares, or car +changes, or hotels, or anything else. At the proper time he will put you +in a cab or an omnibus, and drive you to the train or the boat; he has +packed your luggage and transferred it, he has paid all the bills. Other +people have preceded you half an hour to scramble for impossible places +and lose their tempers, but you can take your time; the courier has +secured your seats for you, and you can occupy them at your leisure. + +At the station, the crowd mash one another to pulp in the effort to get +the weigher's attention to their trunks; they dispute hotly with these +tyrants, who are cool and indifferent; they get their baggage billets, +at last, and then have another squeeze and another rage over the +disheartening business of trying to get them recorded and paid for, and +still another over the equally disheartening business of trying to get +near enough to the ticket office to buy a ticket; and now, with their +tempers gone to the dogs, they must stand penned up and packed together, +laden with wraps and satchels and shawl-straps, with the weary wife and +babies, in the waiting-room, till the doors are thrown open--and then +all hands make a grand final rush to the train, find it full, and have +to stand on the platform and fret until some more cars are put on. They +are in a condition to kill somebody by this time. Meantime, you have +been sitting in your car, smoking, and observing all this misery in the +extremest comfort. + + + +On the journey the guard is polite and watchful--won't allow anybody to +get into your compartment--tells them you are just recovering from the +small-pox and do not like to be disturbed. For the courier has made +everything right with the guard. At way-stations the courier comes to +your compartment to see if you want a glass of water, or a newspaper, +or anything; at eating-stations he sends luncheon out to you, while the +other people scramble and worry in the dining-rooms. If anything breaks +about the car you are in, and a station-master proposes to pack you and +your agent into a compartment with strangers, the courier reveals to him +confidentially that you are a French duke born deaf and dumb, and the +official comes and makes affable signs that he has ordered a choice car +to be added to the train for you. + +At custom-houses the multitude file tediously through, hot and +irritated, and look on while the officers burrow into the trunks and +make a mess of everything; but you hand your keys to the courier and sit +still. Perhaps you arrive at your destination in a rain-storm at ten +at night--you generally do. The multitude spend half an hour verifying +their baggage and getting it transferred to the omnibuses; but the +courier puts you into a vehicle without a moment's loss of time, and +when you reach your hotel you find your rooms have been secured two or +three days in advance, everything is ready, you can go at once to bed. +Some of those other people will have to drift around to two or three +hotels, in the rain, before they find accommodations. + +I have not set down half of the virtues that are vested in a good +courier, but I think I have set down a sufficiency of them to show that +an irritable man who can afford one and does not employ him is not a +wise economist. My courier was the worst one in Europe, yet he was a +good deal better than none at all. It could not pay him to be a better +one than he was, because I could not afford to buy things through him. +He was a good enough courier for the small amount he got out of his +service. Yes, to travel with a courier is bliss, to travel without one +is the reverse. + +I have had dealings with some very bad couriers; but I have also had +dealings with one who might fairly be called perfection. He was a young +Polander, named Joseph N. Verey. He spoke eight languages, and seemed +to be equally at home in all of them; he was shrewd, prompt, posted, +and punctual; he was fertile in resources, and singularly gifted in the +matter of overcoming difficulties; he not only knew how to do everything +in his line, but he knew the best ways and the quickest; he was handy +with children and invalids; all his employer needed to do was to take +life easy and leave everything to the courier. His address is, care of +Messrs. Gay & Son, Strand, London; he was formerly a conductor of Gay's +tourist parties. Excellent couriers are somewhat rare; if the reader is +about to travel, he will find it to his advantage to make a note of this +one. + + + +CHAPTER XXXIII + +[We Climb Far--by Buggy] + + +The beautiful Giesbach Fall is near Interlaken, on the other side of +the lake of Brienz, and is illuminated every night with those gorgeous +theatrical fires whose name I cannot call just at this moment. This was +said to be a spectacle which the tourist ought by no means to miss. I +was strongly tempted, but I could not go there with propriety, because +one goes in a boat. The task which I had set myself was to walk over +Europe on foot, not skim over it in a boat. I had made a tacit contract +with myself; it was my duty to abide by it. I was willing to make boat +trips for pleasure, but I could not conscientiously make them in the way +of business. + +It cost me something of a pang to lose that fine sight, but I lived down +the desire, and gained in my self-respect through the triumph. I had +a finer and a grander sight, however, where I was. This was the mighty +dome of the Jungfrau softly outlined against the sky and faintly +silvered by the starlight. There was something subduing in the influence +of that silent and solemn and awful presence; one seemed to meet the +immutable, the indestructible, the eternal, face to face, and to feel +the trivial and fleeting nature of his own existence the more sharply +by the contrast. One had the sense of being under the brooding +contemplation of a spirit, not an inert mass of rocks and ice--a spirit +which had looked down, through the slow drift of the ages, upon a +million vanished races of men, and judged them; and would judge a +million more--and still be there, watching, unchanged and unchangeable, +after all life should be gone and the earth have become a vacant +desolation. + +While I was feeling these things, I was groping, without knowing it, +toward an understanding of what the spell is which people find in the +Alps, and in no other mountains--that strange, deep, nameless influence, +which, once felt, cannot be forgotten--once felt, leaves always +behind it a restless longing to feel it again--a longing which is like +homesickness; a grieving, haunting yearning which will plead, implore, +and persecute till it has its will. I met dozens of people, imaginative +and unimaginative, cultivated and uncultivated, who had come from far +countries and roamed through the Swiss Alps year after year--they could +not explain why. They had come first, they said, out of idle curiosity, +because everybody talked about it; they had come since because they +could not help it, and they should keep on coming, while they lived, for +the same reason; they had tried to break their chains and stay away, but +it was futile; now, they had no desire to break them. Others came nearer +formulating what they felt; they said they could find perfect rest and +peace nowhere else when they were troubled: all frets and worries and +chafings sank to sleep in the presence of the benignant serenity of the +Alps; the Great Spirit of the Mountain breathed his own peace upon their +hurt minds and sore hearts, and healed them; they could not think base +thoughts or do mean and sordid things here, before the visible throne of +God. + +Down the road a piece was a Kursaal--whatever that may be--and we joined +the human tide to see what sort of enjoyment it might afford. It was the +usual open-air concert, in an ornamental garden, with wines, beer, milk, +whey, grapes, etc.--the whey and the grapes being necessaries of life to +certain invalids whom physicians cannot repair, and who only continue to +exist by the grace of whey or grapes. One of these departed spirits told +me, in a sad and lifeless way, that there is no way for him to live but +by whey, and dearly, dearly loved whey, he didn't know whey he did, but +he did. After making this pun he died--that is the whey it served him. + + + +Some other remains, preserved from decomposition by the grape system, +told me that the grapes were of a peculiar breed, highly medicinal in +their nature, and that they were counted out and administered by the +grape-doctors as methodically as if they were pills. The new patient, +if very feeble, began with one grape before breakfast, took three +during breakfast, a couple between meals, five at luncheon, three in the +afternoon, seven at dinner, four for supper, and part of a grape just +before going to bed, by way of a general regulator. The quantity was +gradually and regularly increased, according to the needs and capacities +of the patient, until by and by you would find him disposing of his one +grape per second all the day long, and his regular barrel per day. + +He said that men cured in this way, and enabled to discard the grape +system, never afterward got over the habit of talking as if they were +dictating to a slow amanuensis, because they always made a pause between +each two words while they sucked the substance out of an imaginary +grape. He said these were tedious people to talk with. He said that men +who had been cured by the other process were easily distinguished from +the rest of mankind because they always tilted their heads back, between +every two words, and swallowed a swig of imaginary whey. He said it was +an impressive thing to observe two men, who had been cured by the two +processes, engaged in conversation--said their pauses and accompanying +movements were so continuous and regular that a stranger would think +himself in the presence of a couple of automatic machines. One finds +out a great many wonderful things, by traveling, if he stumbles upon the +right person. + +I did not remain long at the Kursaal; the music was good enough, but it +seemed rather tame after the cyclone of that Arkansaw expert. Besides, +my adventurous spirit had conceived a formidable enterprise--nothing +less than a trip from Interlaken, by the Gemmi and Visp, clear to +Zermatt, on foot! So it was necessary to plan the details, and get ready +for an early start. The courier (this was not the one I have just been +speaking of) thought that the portier of the hotel would be able to tell +us how to find our way. And so it turned out. He showed us the whole +thing, on a relief-map, and we could see our route, with all its +elevations and depressions, its villages and its rivers, as clearly as +if we were sailing over it in a balloon. A relief-map is a great thing. +The portier also wrote down each day's journey and the nightly hotel on +a piece of paper, and made our course so plain that we should never be +able to get lost without high-priced outside help. + +I put the courier in the care of a gentleman who was going to Lausanne, +and then we went to bed, after laying out the walking-costumes and +putting them into condition for instant occupation in the morning. + +However, when we came down to breakfast at 8 A.M., it looked so much +like rain that I hired a two-horse top-buggy for the first third of the +journey. For two or three hours we jogged along the level road which +skirts the beautiful lake of Thun, with a dim and dreamlike picture of +watery expanses and spectral Alpine forms always before us, veiled in +a mellowing mist. Then a steady downpour set in, and hid everything but +the nearest objects. We kept the rain out of our faces with umbrellas, +and away from our bodies with the leather apron of the buggy; but the +driver sat unsheltered and placidly soaked the weather in and seemed +to like it. We had the road to ourselves, and I never had a pleasanter +excursion. + +The weather began to clear while we were driving up a valley called the +Kienthal, and presently a vast black cloud-bank in front of us dissolved +away and uncurtained the grand proportions and the soaring loftiness of +the Blumis Alp. It was a sort of breath-taking surprise; for we had not +supposed there was anything behind that low-hung blanket of sable cloud +but level valley. What we had been mistaking for fleeting glimpses of +sky away aloft there, were really patches of the Blumis's snowy crest +caught through shredded rents in the drifting pall of vapor. + +We dined in the inn at Frutigen, and our driver ought to have dined +there, too, but he would not have had time to dine and get drunk +both, so he gave his mind to making a masterpiece of the latter, and +succeeded. A German gentleman and his two young-lady daughters had been +taking their nooning at the inn, and when they left, just ahead of us, +it was plain that their driver was as drunk as ours, and as happy +and good-natured, too, which was saying a good deal. These rascals +overflowed with attentions and information for their guests, and with +brotherly love for each other. They tied their reins, and took off +their coats and hats, so that they might be able to give unencumbered +attention to conversation and to the gestures necessary for its +illustration. + + + +The road was smooth; it led up and over and down a continual succession +of hills; but it was narrow, the horses were used to it, and could +not well get out of it anyhow; so why shouldn't the drivers entertain +themselves and us? The noses of our horses projected sociably into the +rear of the forward carriage, and as we toiled up the long hills our +driver stood up and talked to his friend, and his friend stood up and +talked back to him, with his rear to the scenery. When the top was +reached and we went flying down the other side, there was no change +in the program. I carry in my memory yet the picture of that forward +driver, on his knees on his high seat, resting his elbows on its back, +and beaming down on his passengers, with happy eye, and flying hair, and +jolly red face, and offering his card to the old German gentleman while +he praised his hack and horses, and both teams were whizzing down a +long hill with nobody in a position to tell whether we were bound to +destruction or an undeserved safety. + +Toward sunset we entered a beautiful green valley dotted with chalets, a +cozy little domain hidden away from the busy world in a cloistered nook +among giant precipices topped with snowy peaks that seemed to float like +islands above the curling surf of the sea of vapor that severed them +from the lower world. Down from vague and vaporous heights, little +ruffled zigzag milky currents came crawling, and found their way to the +verge of one of those tremendous overhanging walls, whence they plunged, +a shaft of silver, shivered to atoms in mid-descent and turned to an air +puff of luminous dust. Here and there, in grooved depressions among the +snowy desolations of the upper altitudes, one glimpsed the extremity of +a glacier, with its sea-green and honeycombed battlements of ice. + + + +Up the valley, under a dizzy precipice, nestled the village of +Kandersteg, our halting-place for the night. We were soon there, and +housed in the hotel. But the waning day had such an inviting influence +that we did not remain housed many moments, but struck out and followed +a roaring torrent of ice-water up to its far source in a sort of little +grass-carpeted parlor, walled in all around by vast precipices and +overlooked by clustering summits of ice. This was the snuggest little +croquet-ground imaginable; it was perfectly level, and not more than a +mile long by half a mile wide. The walls around it were so gigantic, and +everything about it was on so mighty a scale that it was belittled, by +contrast, to what I have likened it to--a cozy and carpeted parlor. It +was so high above the Kandersteg valley that there was nothing between +it and the snowy-peaks. I had never been in such intimate relations with +the high altitudes before; the snow-peaks had always been remote and +unapproachable grandeurs, hitherto, but now we were hob-a-nob--if one +may use such a seemingly irreverent expression about creations so august +as these. + +We could see the streams which fed the torrent we had followed issuing +from under the greenish ramparts of glaciers; but two or three of these, +instead of flowing over the precipices, sank down into the rock and +sprang in big jets out of holes in the mid-face of the walls. + + + +The green nook which I have been describing is called the Gasternthal. +The glacier streams gather and flow through it in a broad and rushing +brook to a narrow cleft between lofty precipices; here the rushing +brook becomes a mad torrent and goes booming and thundering down +toward Kandersteg, lashing and thrashing its way over and among monster +boulders, and hurling chance roots and logs about like straws. There +was no lack of cascades along this route. The path by the side of +the torrent was so narrow that one had to look sharp, when he heard a +cow-bell, and hunt for a place that was wide enough to accommodate a cow +and a Christian side by side, and such places were not always to be had +at an instant's notice. The cows wear church-bells, and that is a +good idea in the cows, for where that torrent is, you couldn't hear +an ordinary cow-bell any further than you could hear the ticking of a +watch. + +I needed exercise, so I employed my agent in setting stranded logs and +dead trees adrift, and I sat on a boulder and watched them go whirling +and leaping head over heels down the boiling torrent. It was a +wonderfully exhilarating spectacle. When I had had enough exercise, I +made the agent take some, by running a race with one of those logs. I +made a trifle by betting on the log. + + + +After dinner we had a walk up and down the Kandersteg valley, in the +soft gloaming, with the spectacle of the dying lights of day playing +about the crests and pinnacles of the still and solemn upper realm +for contrast, and text for talk. There were no sounds but the dulled +complaining of the torrent and the occasional tinkling of a distant +bell. The spirit of the place was a sense of deep, pervading peace; one +might dream his life tranquilly away there, and not miss it or mind it +when it was gone. + +The summer departed with the sun, and winter came with the stars. It +grew to be a bitter night in that little hotel, backed up against a +precipice that had no visible top to it, but we kept warm, and woke in +time in the morning to find that everybody else had left for Gemmi +three hours before--so our little plan of helping that German family +(principally the old man) over the pass, was a blocked generosity. + + + +CHAPTER XXXIV + +[The World's Highest Pig Farm] + + +We hired the only guide left, to lead us on our way. He was over +seventy, but he could have given me nine-tenths of his strength and +still had all his age entitled him to. He shouldered our satchels, +overcoats, and alpenstocks, and we set out up the steep path. It was hot +work. The old man soon begged us to hand over our coats and waistcoats +to him to carry, too, and we did it; one could not refuse so little a +thing to a poor old man like that; he should have had them if he had +been a hundred and fifty. + +When we began that ascent, we could see a microscopic chalet perched +away up against heaven on what seemed to be the highest mountain near +us. It was on our right, across the narrow head of the valley. But when +we got up abreast it on its own level, mountains were towering high +above on every hand, and we saw that its altitude was just about that of +the little Gasternthal which we had visited the evening before. Still it +seemed a long way up in the air, in that waste and lonely wilderness of +rocks. It had an unfenced grass-plot in front of it which seemed about +as big as a billiard-table, and this grass-plot slanted so sharply +downward, and was so brief, and ended so exceedingly soon at the verge +of the absolute precipice, that it was a shuddery thing to think of a +person's venturing to trust his foot on an incline so situated at all. +Suppose a man stepped on an orange peel in that yard; there would be +nothing for him to seize; nothing could keep him from rolling; five +revolutions would bring him to the edge, and over he would go. + + + +What a frightful distance he would fall!--for there are very few birds +that fly as high as his starting-point. He would strike and bounce, two +or three times, on his way down, but this would be no advantage to him. +I would as soon take an airing on the slant of a rainbow as in such +a front yard. I would rather, in fact, for the distance down would be +about the same, and it is pleasanter to slide than to bounce. I could +not see how the peasants got up to that chalet--the region seemed too +steep for anything but a balloon. + +As we strolled on, climbing up higher and higher, we were continually +bringing neighboring peaks into view and lofty prominence which had been +hidden behind lower peaks before; so by and by, while standing before a +group of these giants, we looked around for the chalet again; there it +was, away down below us, apparently on an inconspicuous ridge in the +valley! It was as far below us, now, as it had been above us when we +were beginning the ascent. + +After a while the path led us along a railed precipice, and we looked +over--far beneath us was the snug parlor again, the little Gasternthal, +with its water jets spouting from the face of its rock walls. We could +have dropped a stone into it. We had been finding the top of the world +all along--and always finding a still higher top stealing into view in +a disappointing way just ahead; when we looked down into the Gasternthal +we felt pretty sure that we had reached the genuine top at last, but it +was not so; there were much higher altitudes to be scaled yet. We were +still in the pleasant shade of forest trees, we were still in a region +which was cushioned with beautiful mosses and aglow with the many-tinted +luster of innumerable wild flowers. + +We found, indeed, more interest in the wild flowers than in anything +else. We gathered a specimen or two of every kind which we were +unacquainted with; so we had sumptuous bouquets. But one of the chief +interests lay in chasing the seasons of the year up the mountain, and +determining them by the presence of flowers and berries which we were +acquainted with. For instance, it was the end of August at the level +of the sea; in the Kandersteg valley at the base of the pass, we found +flowers which would not be due at the sea-level for two or three weeks; +higher up, we entered October, and gathered fringed gentians. I made +no notes, and have forgotten the details, but the construction of the +floral calendar was very entertaining while it lasted. + + + +In the high regions we found rich store of the splendid red flower +called the Alpine rose, but we did not find any examples of the ugly +Swiss favorite called Edelweiss. Its name seems to indicate that it is a +noble flower and that it is white. It may be noble enough, but it is not +attractive, and it is not white. The fuzzy blossom is the color of bad +cigar ashes, and appears to be made of a cheap quality of gray plush. It +has a noble and distant way of confining itself to the high altitudes, +but that is probably on account of its looks; it apparently has no +monopoly of those upper altitudes, however, for they are sometimes +intruded upon by some of the loveliest of the valley families of wild +flowers. Everybody in the Alps wears a sprig of Edelweiss in his hat. It +is the native's pet, and also the tourist's. + +All the morning, as we loafed along, having a good time, other +pedestrians went staving by us with vigorous strides, and with the +intent and determined look of men who were walking for a wager. These +wore loose knee-breeches, long yarn stockings, and hobnailed high-laced +walking-shoes. They were gentlemen who would go home to England or +Germany and tell how many miles they had beaten the guide-book every +day. But I doubted if they ever had much real fun, outside of the mere +magnificent exhilaration of the tramp through the green valleys and the +breezy heights; for they were almost always alone, and even the finest +scenery loses incalculably when there is no one to enjoy it with. + +All the morning an endless double procession of mule-mounted tourists +filed past us along the narrow path--the one procession going, the +other coming. We had taken a good deal of trouble to teach ourselves the +kindly German custom of saluting all strangers with doffed hat, and we +resolutely clung to it, that morning, although it kept us bareheaded +most of the time and was not always responded to. Still we found an +interest in the thing, because we naturally liked to know who were +English and Americans among the passers-by. All continental natives +responded of course; so did some of the English and Americans, but, as +a general thing, these two races gave no sign. Whenever a man or a woman +showed us cold neglect, we spoke up confidently in our own tongue and +asked for such information as we happened to need, and we always got a +reply in the same language. The English and American folk are not less +kindly than other races, they are only more reserved, and that comes of +habit and education. In one dreary, rocky waste, away above the line of +vegetation, we met a procession of twenty-five mounted young men, all +from America. We got answering bows enough from these, of course, for +they were of an age to learn to do in Rome as Rome does, without much +effort. + +At one extremity of this patch of desolation, overhung by bare and +forbidding crags which husbanded drifts of everlasting snow in their +shaded cavities, was a small stretch of thin and discouraged grass, and +a man and a family of pigs were actually living here in some shanties. +Consequently this place could be really reckoned as "property"; it had +a money value, and was doubtless taxed. I think it must have marked +the limit of real estate in this world. It would be hard to set a money +value upon any piece of earth that lies between that spot and the empty +realm of space. That man may claim the distinction of owning the end +of the world, for if there is any definite end to the world he has +certainly found it. + + + +From here forward we moved through a storm-swept and smileless +desolation. All about us rose gigantic masses, crags, and ramparts of +bare and dreary rock, with not a vestige or semblance of plant or tree +or flower anywhere, or glimpse of any creature that had life. The frost +and the tempests of unnumbered ages had battered and hacked at these +cliffs, with a deathless energy, destroying them piecemeal; so all the +region about their bases was a tumbled chaos of great fragments which +had been split off and hurled to the ground. Soiled and aged banks of +snow lay close about our path. The ghastly desolation of the place was +as tremendously complete as if Dore had furnished the working-plans +for it. But every now and then, through the stern gateways around us +we caught a view of some neighboring majestic dome, sheathed with +glittering ice, and displaying its white purity at an elevation compared +to which ours was groveling and plebeian, and this spectacle always +chained one's interest and admiration at once, and made him forget there +was anything ugly in the world. + +I have just said that there was nothing but death and desolation in +these hideous places, but I forgot. In the most forlorn and arid and +dismal one of all, where the racked and splintered debris was thickest, +where the ancient patches of snow lay against the very path, where +the winds blew bitterest and the general aspect was mournfulest and +dreariest, and furthest from any suggestion of cheer or hope, I found +a solitary wee forget-me-not flourishing away, not a droop about it +anywhere, but holding its bright blue star up with the prettiest and +gallantest air in the world, the only happy spirit, the only smiling +thing, in all that grisly desert. She seemed to say, "Cheer up!--as long +as we are here, let us make the best of it." I judged she had earned a +right to a more hospitable place; so I plucked her up and sent her to +America to a friend who would respect her for the fight she had made, +all by her small self, to make a whole vast despondent Alpine desolation +stop breaking its heart over the unalterable, and hold up its head and +look at the bright side of things for once. + + + +We stopped for a nooning at a strongly built little inn called the +Schwarenbach. It sits in a lonely spot among the peaks, where it is +swept by the trailing fringes of the cloud-rack, and is rained on, and +snowed on, and pelted and persecuted by the storms, nearly every day of +its life. It was the only habitation in the whole Gemmi Pass. + +Close at hand, now, was a chance for a blood-curdling Alpine adventure. +Close at hand was the snowy mass of the Great Altels cooling its topknot +in the sky and daring us to an ascent. I was fired with the idea, and +immediately made up my mind to procure the necessary guides, ropes, +etc., and undertake it. I instructed Harris to go to the landlord of the +inn and set him about our preparations. Meantime, I went diligently to +work to read up and find out what this much-talked-of mountain-climbing +was like, and how one should go about it--for in these matters I +was ignorant. I opened Mr. Hinchliff's SUMMER MONTHS AMONG THE ALPS +(published 1857), and selected his account of his ascent of Monte Rosa. + +It began: + +"It is very difficult to free the mind from excitement on the evening +before a grand expedition--" + +I saw that I was too calm; so I walked the room a while and worked +myself into a high excitement; but the book's next remark --that the +adventurer must get up at two in the morning--came as near as anything +to flatting it all out again. However, I reinforced it, and read on, +about how Mr. Hinchliff dressed by candle-light and was "soon down among +the guides, who were bustling about in the passage, packing provisions, +and making every preparation for the start"; and how he glanced out into +the cold clear night and saw that-- + + + +"The whole sky was blazing with stars, larger and brighter than they +appear through the dense atmosphere breathed by inhabitants of the lower +parts of the earth. They seemed actually suspended from the dark vault +of heaven, and their gentle light shed a fairylike gleam over the +snow-fields around the foot of the Matterhorn, which raised its +stupendous pinnacle on high, penetrating to the heart of the Great Bear, +and crowning itself with a diadem of his magnificent stars. Not a sound +disturbed the deep tranquillity of the night, except the distant roar +of streams which rush from the high plateau of the St. Theodule glacier, +and fall headlong over precipitous rocks till they lose themselves in +the mazes of the Gorner glacier." + +He took his hot toast and coffee, and then about half past three his +caravan of ten men filed away from the Riffel Hotel, and began the steep +climb. At half past five he happened to turn around, and "beheld the +glorious spectacle of the Matterhorn, just touched by the rosy-fingered +morning, and looking like a huge pyramid of fire rising out of the +barren ocean of ice and rock around it." Then the Breithorn and the Dent +Blanche caught the radiant glow; but "the intervening mass of Monte Rosa +made it necessary for us to climb many long hours before we could hope +to see the sun himself, yet the whole air soon grew warmer after the +splendid birth of the day." + +He gazed at the lofty crown of Monte Rosa and the wastes of snow that +guarded its steep approaches, and the chief guide delivered the opinion +that no man could conquer their awful heights and put his foot upon that +summit. But the adventurers moved steadily on, nevertheless. + +They toiled up, and up, and still up; they passed the Grand Plateau; +then toiled up a steep shoulder of the mountain, clinging like flies to +its rugged face; and now they were confronted by a tremendous wall +from which great blocks of ice and snow were evidently in the habit of +falling. They turned aside to skirt this wall, and gradually ascended +until their way was barred by a "maze of gigantic snow crevices,"--so +they turned aside again, and "began a long climb of sufficient steepness +to make a zigzag course necessary." + + + +Fatigue compelled them to halt frequently, for a moment or two. At one +of these halts somebody called out, "Look at Mont Blanc!" and "we were +at once made aware of the very great height we had attained by actually +seeing the monarch of the Alps and his attendant satellites right over +the top of the Breithorn, itself at least 14,000 feet high!" + +These people moved in single file, and were all tied to a strong rope, +at regular distances apart, so that if one of them slipped on those +giddy heights, the others could brace themselves on their alpenstocks +and save him from darting into the valley, thousands of feet below. By +and by they came to an ice-coated ridge which was tilted up at a sharp +angle, and had a precipice on one side of it. They had to climb this, so +the guide in the lead cut steps in the ice with his hatchet, and as fast +as he took his toes out of one of these slight holes, the toes of the +man behind him occupied it. + + + +"Slowly and steadily we kept on our way over this dangerous part of the +ascent, and I dare say it was fortunate for some of us that attention +was distracted from the head by the paramount necessity of looking after +the feet; FOR, WHILE ON THE LEFT THE INCLINE OF ICE WAS SO STEEP THAT +IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ANY MAN TO SAVE HIMSELF IN CASE OF A SLIP, +UNLESS THE OTHERS COULD HOLD HIM UP, ON THE RIGHT WE MIGHT DROP A PEBBLE +FROM THE HAND OVER PRECIPICES OF UNKNOWN EXTENT DOWN UPON THE TREMENDOUS +GLACIER BELOW. + +"Great caution, therefore, was absolutely necessary, and in this exposed +situation we were attacked by all the fury of that grand enemy of +aspirants to Monte Rosa--a severe and bitterly cold wind from the north. +The fine powdery snow was driven past us in the clouds, penetrating the +interstices of our clothes, and the pieces of ice which flew from the +blows of Peter's ax were whisked into the air, and then dashed over the +precipice. We had quite enough to do to prevent ourselves from being +served in the same ruthless fashion, and now and then, in the more +violent gusts of wind, were glad to stick our alpenstocks into the ice +and hold on hard." + +Having surmounted this perilous steep, they sat down and took a brief +rest with their backs against a sheltering rock and their heels dangling +over a bottomless abyss; then they climbed to the base of another +ridge--a more difficult and dangerous one still: + +"The whole of the ridge was exceedingly narrow, and the fall on each +side desperately steep, but the ice in some of these intervals between +the masses of rock assumed the form of a mere sharp edge, almost like a +knife; these places, though not more than three or four short paces +in length, looked uncommonly awkward; but, like the sword leading true +believers to the gates of Paradise, they must needs be passed before +we could attain to the summit of our ambition. These were in one or two +places so narrow, that in stepping over them with toes well turned +out for greater security, ONE END OF THE FOOT PROJECTED OVER THE AWFUL +PRECIPICE ON THE RIGHT, WHILE THE OTHER WAS ON THE BEGINNING OF THE +ICE SLOPE ON THE LEFT, WHICH WAS SCARCELY LESS STEEP THAN THE ROCKS. On +these occasions Peter would take my hand, and each of us stretching as +far as we could, he was thus enabled to get a firm footing two paces +or rather more from me, whence a spring would probably bring him to the +rock on the other side; then, turning around, he called to me to come, +and, taking a couple of steps carefully, I was met at the third by his +outstretched hand ready to clasp mine, and in a moment stood by his +side. The others followed in much the same fashion. Once my right foot +slipped on the side toward the precipice, but I threw out my left arm in +a moment so that it caught the icy edge under my armpit as I fell, and +supported me considerably; at the same instant I cast my eyes down the +side on which I had slipped, and contrived to plant my right foot on +a piece of rock as large as a cricket-ball, which chanced to protrude +through the ice, on the very edge of the precipice. Being thus anchored +fore and aft, as it were, I believe I could easily have recovered +myself, even if I had been alone, though it must be confessed the +situation would have been an awful one; as it was, however, a jerk from +Peter settled the matter very soon, and I was on my legs all right in an +instant. The rope is an immense help in places of this kind." + + + +Now they arrived at the base of a great knob or dome veneered with ice +and powdered with snow--the utmost, summit, the last bit of solidity +between them and the hollow vault of heaven. They set to work with their +hatchets, and were soon creeping, insectlike, up its surface, with their +heels projecting over the thinnest kind of nothingness, thickened up a +little with a few wandering shreds and films of cloud moving in a lazy +procession far below. Presently, one man's toe-hold broke and he fell! +There he dangled in mid-air at the end of the rope, like a spider, till +his friends above hauled him into place again. + +A little bit later, the party stood upon the wee pedestal of the very +summit, in a driving wind, and looked out upon the vast green expanses +of Italy and a shoreless ocean of billowy Alps. + +When I had read thus far, Harris broke into the room in a noble +excitement and said the ropes and the guides were secured, and asked if +I was ready. I said I believed I wouldn't ascend the Altels this time. I +said Alp-climbing was a different thing from what I had supposed it was, +and so I judged we had better study its points a little more before we +went definitely into it. But I told him to retain the guides and order +them to follow us to Zermatt, because I meant to use them there. I said +I could feel the spirit of adventure beginning to stir in me, and was +sure that the fell fascination of Alp-climbing would soon be upon me. I +said he could make up his mind to it that we would do a deed before +we were a week older which would make the hair of the timid curl with +fright. + +This made Harris happy, and filled him with ambitious anticipations. He +went at once to tell the guides to follow us to Zermatt and bring all +their paraphernalia with them. + + + +CHAPTER XXXV + +[Swindling the Coroner] + + +A great and priceless thing is a new interest! How it takes possession +of a man! how it clings to him, how it rides him! I strode onward from +the Schwarenbach hostelry a changed man, a reorganized personality. I +walked into a new world, I saw with new eyes. I had been looking +aloft at the giant show-peaks only as things to be worshiped for their +grandeur and magnitude, and their unspeakable grace of form; I looked +up at them now, as also things to be conquered and climbed. My sense of +their grandeur and their noble beauty was neither lost nor impaired; I +had gained a new interest in the mountains without losing the old ones. +I followed the steep lines up, inch by inch, with my eye, and noted the +possibility or impossibility of following them with my feet. When I saw +a shining helmet of ice projecting above the clouds, I tried to imagine +I saw files of black specks toiling up it roped together with a gossamer +thread. + +We skirted the lonely little lake called the Daubensee, and presently +passed close by a glacier on the right--a thing like a great river +frozen solid in its flow and broken square off like a wall at its mouth. +I had never been so near a glacier before. + +Here we came upon a new board shanty, and found some men engaged in +building a stone house; so the Schwarenbach was soon to have a rival. We +bought a bottle or so of beer here; at any rate they called it beer, but +I knew by the price that it was dissolved jewelry, and I perceived by +the taste that dissolved jewelry is not good stuff to drink. + + + +We were surrounded by a hideous desolation. We stepped forward to a sort +of jumping-off place, and were confronted by a startling contrast: we +seemed to look down into fairyland. Two or three thousand feet below us +was a bright green level, with a pretty town in its midst, and a silvery +stream winding among the meadows; the charming spot was walled in on all +sides by gigantic precipices clothed with pines; and over the pines, out +of the softened distances, rose the snowy domes and peaks of the Monte +Rosa region. How exquisitely green and beautiful that little valley down +there was! The distance was not great enough to obliterate details, it +only made them little, and mellow, and dainty, like landscapes and towns +seen through the wrong end of a spy-glass. + +Right under us a narrow ledge rose up out of the valley, with a green, +slanting, bench-shaped top, and grouped about upon this green-baize +bench were a lot of black and white sheep which looked merely like +oversized worms. The bench seemed lifted well up into our neighborhood, +but that was a deception--it was a long way down to it. + + + +We began our descent, now, by the most remarkable road I have ever seen. +It wound its corkscrew curves down the face of the colossal precipice--a +narrow way, with always the solid rock wall at one elbow, and +perpendicular nothingness at the other. We met an everlasting procession +of guides, porters, mules, litters, and tourists climbing up this steep +and muddy path, and there was no room to spare when you had to pass a +tolerably fat mule. I always took the inside, when I heard or saw the +mule coming, and flattened myself against the wall. I preferred the +inside, of course, but I should have had to take it anyhow, because +the mule prefers the outside. A mule's preference--on a precipice--is a +thing to be respected. Well, his choice is always the outside. His life +is mostly devoted to carrying bulky panniers and packages which rest +against his body--therefore he is habituated to taking the outside edge +of mountain paths, to keep his bundles from rubbing against rocks or +banks on the other. When he goes into the passenger business he absurdly +clings to his old habit, and keeps one leg of his passenger always +dangling over the great deeps of the lower world while that passenger's +heart is in the highlands, so to speak. More than once I saw a mule's +hind foot cave over the outer edge and send earth and rubbish into the +bottom abyss; and I noticed that upon these occasions the rider, whether +male or female, looked tolerably unwell. + +There was one place where an eighteen-inch breadth of light masonry had +been added to the verge of the path, and as there was a very sharp +turn here, a panel of fencing had been set up there at some time, as +a protection. This panel was old and gray and feeble, and the light +masonry had been loosened by recent rains. A young American girl came +along on a mule, and in making the turn the mule's hind foot caved all +the loose masonry and one of the fence-posts overboard; the mule gave a +violent lurch inboard to save himself, and succeeded in the effort, but +that girl turned as white as the snows of Mont Blanc for a moment. + + + +The path was simply a groove cut into the face of the precipice; there +was a four-foot breadth of solid rock under the traveler, and four-foot +breadth of solid rock just above his head, like the roof of a narrow +porch; he could look out from this gallery and see a sheer summitless +and bottomless wall of rock before him, across a gorge or crack a +biscuit's toss in width--but he could not see the bottom of his own +precipice unless he lay down and projected his nose over the edge. I did +not do this, because I did not wish to soil my clothes. + +Every few hundred yards, at particularly bad places, one came across +a panel or so of plank fencing; but they were always old and weak, +and they generally leaned out over the chasm and did not make any rash +promises to hold up people who might need support. There was one of +these panels which had only its upper board left; a pedestrianizing +English youth came tearing down the path, was seized with an impulse to +look over the precipice, and without an instant's thought he threw his +weight upon that crazy board. It bent outward a foot! I never made a +gasp before that came so near suffocating me. The English youth's face +simply showed a lively surprise, but nothing more. He went swinging +along valleyward again, as if he did not know he had just swindled a +coroner by the closest kind of a shave. + +The Alpine litter is sometimes like a cushioned box made fast between +the middles of two long poles, and sometimes it is a chair with a back +to it and a support for the feet. It is carried by relays of strong +porters. The motion is easier than that of any other conveyance. We met +a few men and a great many ladies in litters; it seemed to me that most +of the ladies looked pale and nauseated; their general aspect gave me +the idea that they were patiently enduring a horrible suffering. As a +rule, they looked at their laps, and left the scenery to take care of +itself. + + + +But the most frightened creature I saw, was a led horse that overtook +us. Poor fellow, he had been born and reared in the grassy levels of the +Kandersteg valley and had never seen anything like this hideous place +before. Every few steps he would stop short, glance wildly out from +the dizzy height, and then spread his red nostrils wide and pant as +violently as if he had been running a race; and all the while he quaked +from head to heel as with a palsy. He was a handsome fellow, and he +made a fine statuesque picture of terror, but it was pitiful to see him +suffer so. + + + +This dreadful path has had its tragedy. Baedeker, with his customary +over terseness, begins and ends the tale thus: + +"The descent on horseback should be avoided. In 1861 a Comtesse +d'Herlincourt fell from her saddle over the precipice and was killed on +the spot." + +We looked over the precipice there, and saw the monument which +commemorates the event. It stands in the bottom of the gorge, in a place +which has been hollowed out of the rock to protect it from the torrent +and the storms. Our old guide never spoke but when spoken to, and then +limited himself to a syllable or two, but when we asked him about this +tragedy he showed a strong interest in the matter. He said the Countess +was very pretty, and very young--hardly out of her girlhood, in fact. +She was newly married, and was on her bridal tour. The young husband was +riding a little in advance; one guide was leading the husband's horse, +another was leading the bride's. + +The old man continued: + +"The guide that was leading the husband's horse happened to glance back, +and there was that poor young thing sitting up staring out over the +precipice; and her face began to bend downward a little, and she put +up her two hands slowly and met it--so,--and put them flat against her +eyes--so--and then she sank out of the saddle, with a sharp shriek, and +one caught only the flash of a dress, and it was all over." + + + +Then after a pause: + +"Ah, yes, that guide saw these things--yes, he saw them all. He saw them +all, just as I have told you." + +After another pause: + +"Ah, yes, he saw them all. My God, that was ME. I was that guide!" + +This had been the one event of the old man's life; so one may be sure he +had forgotten no detail connected with it. We listened to all he had to +say about what was done and what happened and what was said after the +sorrowful occurrence, and a painful story it was. + +When we had wound down toward the valley until we were about on the last +spiral of the corkscrew, Harris's hat blew over the last remaining +bit of precipice--a small cliff a hundred or hundred and fifty feet +high--and sailed down toward a steep slant composed of rough chips and +fragments which the weather had flaked away from the precipices. We went +leisurely down there, expecting to find it without any trouble, but we +had made a mistake, as to that. We hunted during a couple of hours--not +because the old straw hat was valuable, but out of curiosity to find +out how such a thing could manage to conceal itself in open ground where +there was nothing left for it to hide behind. When one is reading in +bed, and lays his paper-knife down, he cannot find it again if it is +smaller than a saber; that hat was as stubborn as any paper-knife could +have been, and we finally had to give it up; but we found a fragment +that had once belonged to an opera-glass, and by digging around and +turning over the rocks we gradually collected all the lenses and the +cylinders and the various odds and ends that go to making up a complete +opera-glass. We afterward had the thing reconstructed, and the owner can +have his adventurous lost-property by submitting proofs and paying costs +of rehabilitation. We had hopes of finding the owner there, distributed +around amongst the rocks, for it would have made an elegant paragraph; +but we were disappointed. Still, we were far from being disheartened, +for there was a considerable area which we had not thoroughly searched; +we were satisfied he was there, somewhere, so we resolved to wait over a +day at Leuk and come back and get him. + +Then we sat down to polish off the perspiration and arrange about what +we would do with him when we got him. Harris was for contributing him to +the British Museum; but I was for mailing him to his widow. That is the +difference between Harris and me: Harris is all for display, I am all +for the simple right, even though I lose money by it. Harris argued in +favor of his proposition against mine, I argued in favor of mine and +against his. The discussion warmed into a dispute; the dispute warmed +into a quarrel. I finally said, very decidedly: + +"My mind is made up. He goes to the widow." + +Harris answered sharply: + +"And MY mind is made up. He goes to the Museum." + +I said, calmly: + +"The museum may whistle when it gets him." + +Harris retorted: + +"The widow may save herself the trouble of whistling, for I will see +that she never gets him." + +After some angry bandying of epithets, I said: + +"It seems to me that you are taking on a good many airs about these +remains. I don't quite see what YOU'VE got to say about them?" + +"I? I've got ALL to say about them. They'd never have been thought of if +I hadn't found their opera-glass. The corpse belongs to me, and I'll do +as I please with him." + +I was leader of the Expedition, and all discoveries achieved by it +naturally belonged to me. I was entitled to these remains, and could +have enforced my right; but rather than have bad blood about the matter, +I said we would toss up for them. I threw heads and won, but it was a +barren victory, for although we spent all the next day searching, we +never found a bone. I cannot imagine what could ever have become of that +fellow. + +The town in the valley is called Leuk or Leukerbad. We pointed our +course toward it, down a verdant slope which was adorned with fringed +gentians and other flowers, and presently entered the narrow alleys of +the outskirts and waded toward the middle of the town through liquid +"fertilizer." They ought to either pave that village or organize a +ferry. + +Harris's body was simply a chamois-pasture; his person was populous with +the little hungry pests; his skin, when he stripped, was splotched like +a scarlet-fever patient's; so, when we were about to enter one of the +Leukerbad inns, and he noticed its sign, "Chamois Hotel," he refused to +stop there. He said the chamois was plentiful enough, without hunting +up hotels where they made a specialty of it. I was indifferent, for the +chamois is a creature that will neither bite me nor abide with me; but +to calm Harris, we went to the Hotel des Alpes. + +At the table d'hote, we had this, for an incident. A very grave man--in +fact his gravity amounted to solemnity, and almost to austerity--sat +opposite us and he was "tight," but doing his best to appear sober. He +took up a CORKED bottle of wine, tilted it over his glass awhile, then +set it out of the way, with a contented look, and went on with his +dinner. + +Presently he put his glass to his mouth, and of course found it empty. +He looked puzzled, and glanced furtively and suspiciously out of the +corner of his eye at a benignant and unconscious old lady who sat at his +right. Shook his head, as much as to say, "No, she couldn't have +done it." He tilted the corked bottle over his glass again, meantime +searching around with his watery eye to see if anybody was watching him. +He ate a few mouthfuls, raised his glass to his lips, and of course it +was still empty. He bent an injured and accusing side-glance upon that +unconscious old lady, which was a study to see. She went on eating and +gave no sign. He took up his glass and his bottle, with a wise private +nod of his head, and set them gravely on the left-hand side of his +plate--poured himself another imaginary drink--went to work with +his knife and fork once more--presently lifted his glass with good +confidence, and found it empty, as usual. + +This was almost a petrifying surprise. He straightened himself up in his +chair and deliberately and sorrowfully inspected the busy old ladies at +his elbows, first one and then the other. At last he softly pushed his +plate away, set his glass directly in front of him, held on to it +with his left hand, and proceeded to pour with his right. This time +he observed that nothing came. He turned the bottle clear upside down; +still nothing issued from it; a plaintive look came into his face, and +he said, as if to himself, + +"'IC! THEY'VE GOT IT ALL!" Then he set the bottle down, resignedly, and +took the rest of his dinner dry. + + + +It was at that table d'hote, too, that I had under inspection the +largest lady I have ever seen in private life. She was over seven feet +high, and magnificently proportioned. What had first called my attention +to her, was my stepping on an outlying flange of her foot, and hearing, +from up toward the ceiling, a deep "Pardon, m'sieu, but you encroach!" + +That was when we were coming through the hall, and the place was dim, +and I could see her only vaguely. The thing which called my attention +to her the second time was, that at a table beyond ours were two very +pretty girls, and this great lady came in and sat down between them and +me and blotted out my view. She had a handsome face, and she was very +finely formed--perfectly formed, I should say. But she made everybody +around her look trivial and commonplace. Ladies near her looked like +children, and the men about her looked mean. They looked like failures; +and they looked as if they felt so, too. She sat with her back to us. I +never saw such a back in my life. I would have so liked to see the +moon rise over it. The whole congregation waited, under one pretext or +another, till she finished her dinner and went out; they wanted to see +her at full altitude, and they found it worth tarrying for. She filled +one's idea of what an empress ought to be, when she rose up in her +unapproachable grandeur and moved superbly out of that place. + + + +We were not at Leuk in time to see her at her heaviest weight. She had +suffered from corpulence and had come there to get rid of her extra +flesh in the baths. Five weeks of soaking--five uninterrupted hours of +it every day--had accomplished her purpose and reduced her to the right +proportions. + + + +Those baths remove fat, and also skin-diseases. The patients remain in +the great tanks for hours at a time. A dozen gentlemen and ladies occupy +a tank together, and amuse themselves with rompings and various games. +They have floating desks and tables, and they read or lunch or play +chess in water that is breast-deep. The tourist can step in and view +this novel spectacle if he chooses. There's a poor-box, and he will have +to contribute. There are several of these big bathing-houses, and you +can always tell when you are near one of them by the romping noises and +shouts of laughter that proceed from it. The water is running water, and +changes all the time, else a patient with a ringworm might take the bath +with only a partial success, since, while he was ridding himself of the +ringworm, he might catch the itch. + + + +The next morning we wandered back up the green valley, leisurely, with +the curving walls of those bare and stupendous precipices rising +into the clouds before us. I had never seen a clean, bare precipice +stretching up five thousand feet above me before, and I never shall +expect to see another one. They exist, perhaps, but not in places where +one can easily get close to them. This pile of stone is peculiar. From +its base to the soaring tops of its mighty towers, all its lines and all +its details vaguely suggest human architecture. There are rudimentary +bow-windows, cornices, chimneys, demarcations of stories, etc. One could +sit and stare up there and study the features and exquisite graces of +this grand structure, bit by bit, and day after day, and never weary his +interest. The termination, toward the town, observed in profile, is the +perfection of shape. It comes down out of the clouds in a succession of +rounded, colossal, terracelike projections--a stairway for the gods; at +its head spring several lofty storm-scarred towers, one after another, +with faint films of vapor curling always about them like spectral +banners. If there were a king whose realms included the whole world, +here would be the place meet and proper for such a monarch. He would +only need to hollow it out and put in the electric light. He could give +audience to a nation at a time under its roof. + +Our search for those remains having failed, we inspected with a glass +the dim and distant track of an old-time avalanche that once swept down +from some pine-grown summits behind the town and swept away the houses +and buried the people; then we struck down the road that leads toward +the Rhone, to see the famous Ladders. These perilous things are built +against the perpendicular face of a cliff two or three hundred feet +high. The peasants, of both sexes, were climbing up and down them, with +heavy loads on their backs. I ordered Harris to make the ascent, so I +could put the thrill and horror of it in my book, and he accomplished +the feat successfully, through a subagent, for three francs, which I +paid. It makes me shudder yet when I think of what I felt when I was +clinging there between heaven and earth in the person of that proxy. At +times the world swam around me, and I could hardly keep from letting go, +so dizzying was the appalling danger. Many a person would have given up +and descended, but I stuck to my task, and would not yield until I had +accomplished it. I felt a just pride in my exploit, but I would not have +repeated it for the wealth of the world. I shall break my neck yet with +some such foolhardy performance, for warnings never seem to have any +lasting effect on me. When the people of the hotel found that I had +been climbing those crazy Ladders, it made me an object of considerable +attention. + +Next morning, early, we drove to the Rhone valley and took the train for +Visp. There we shouldered our knapsacks and things, and set out on foot, +in a tremendous rain, up the winding gorge, toward Zermatt. Hour after +hour we slopped along, by the roaring torrent, and under noble Lesser +Alps which were clothed in rich velvety green all the way up and +had little atomy Swiss homes perched upon grassy benches along their +mist-dimmed heights. + +The rain continued to pour and the torrent to boom, and we continued +to enjoy both. At the one spot where this torrent tossed its white mane +highest, and thundered loudest, and lashed the big boulders fiercest, +the canton had done itself the honor to build the flimsiest wooden +bridge that exists in the world. While we were walking over it, along +with a party of horsemen, I noticed that even the larger raindrops made +it shake. I called Harris's attention to it, and he noticed it, too. +It seemed to me that if I owned an elephant that was a keepsake, and I +thought a good deal of him, I would think twice before I would ride him +over that bridge. + +We climbed up to the village of St. Nicholas, about half past four +in the afternoon, waded ankle-deep through the fertilizer-juice, and +stopped at a new and nice hotel close by the little church. We stripped +and went to bed, and sent our clothes down to be baked. And the horde +of soaked tourists did the same. That chaos of clothing got mixed in the +kitchen, and there were consequences. + + + +I did not get back the same drawers I sent down, when our things came up +at six-fifteen; I got a pair on a new plan. They were merely a pair +of white ruffle-cuffed absurdities, hitched together at the top with +a narrow band, and they did not come quite down to my knees. They were +pretty enough, but they made me feel like two people, and disconnected +at that. The man must have been an idiot that got himself up like +that, to rough it in the Swiss mountains. The shirt they brought me +was shorter than the drawers, and hadn't any sleeves to it--at least +it hadn't anything more than what Mr. Darwin would call "rudimentary" +sleeves; these had "edging" around them, but the bosom was ridiculously +plain. The knit silk undershirt they brought me was on a new plan, and +was really a sensible thing; it opened behind, and had pockets in it to +put your shoulder-blades in; but they did not seem to fit mine, and so +I found it a sort of uncomfortable garment. They gave my bobtail coat +to somebody else, and sent me an ulster suitable for a giraffe. I had +to tie my collar on, because there was no button behind on that foolish +little shirt which I described a while ago. + +When I was dressed for dinner at six-thirty, I was too loose in some +places and too tight in others, and altogether I felt slovenly and +ill-conditioned. However, the people at the table d'hote were no better +off than I was; they had everybody's clothes but their own on. A +long stranger recognized his ulster as soon as he saw the tail of it +following me in, but nobody claimed my shirt or my drawers, though I +described them as well as I was able. I gave them to the chambermaid +that night when I went to bed, and she probably found the owner, for my +own things were on a chair outside my door in the morning. + +There was a lovable English clergyman who did not get to the table +d'hote at all. His breeches had turned up missing, and without any +equivalent. He said he was not more particular than other people, but he +had noticed that a clergyman at dinner without any breeches was almost +sure to excite remark. + + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's A Tramp Abroad, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD *** + +***** This file should be named 5786.txt or 5786.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/5/7/8/5786/ + +Produced by Anonymous Volunteers, John Greenman and David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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