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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Tramp Abroad, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: A Tramp Abroad
+       Part 5
+
+Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+Release Date: March 1994 [EBook #5786]
+Posting Date: June 3, 2009
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Anonymous Volunteers, John Greenman and David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+
+A TRAMP ABROAD, Part 5.
+
+By Mark Twain
+
+(Samuel L. Clemens)
+
+First published in 1880
+
+Illustrations taken from an 1880 First Edition
+
+ * * * * * *
+
+
+
+ILLUSTRATIONS:
+
+
+     1.    PORTRAIT OF THE AUTHOR
+     2.    TITIAN'S MOSES
+     3.    THE AUTHOR'S MEMORIES
+     178.  EXCEEDINGLY COMFORTABLE
+     179.  THE SUNRISE
+     180.  THE RIGI-KULM
+     181.  AN OPTICAL ILLUSION
+     182.  TAIL PIECE
+     183.  RAILWAY DOWN THE MOUNTAIN
+     184.  SOURCE OF THE RHONE
+     185.  A GLACIER TABLE
+     186.  GLACIER OF GRINDELWALD
+     187.  DAWN ON THE MOUNTAINS
+     188.  TAIL PIECE
+     189.  NEW AND OLD STYLE
+     190.  ST NICHOLAS, AS A HERMIT
+     191.  A LANDSLIDE
+     192.  GOLDAU VALLEY BEFORE AND AFTER THE LANDSLIDE
+     193.  THE WAY THEY DO IT
+     194.  OUR GALLANT DRIVER
+     195.  A MOUNTAIN PASS
+     196.  "I'M OFUL DRY"
+     197.  IT'S THE FASHION
+     198.  WHAT WE EXPECTED
+     199.  WE MISSED THE SCENERY
+     200.  THE TOURISTS
+     201.  THE YOUNG BRIDE
+     202.  "IT WAS A FAMOUS VICTORY
+     203.  PROMENADE IN INTERLAKEN
+     204.  THE JUNGFRAU BY M.T.
+     205.  STREET IN INTERLAKEN
+     206.  WITHOUT A COURIER
+     207.  TRAVELING WITH A COURIER
+     208.  TAIL PIECE
+     209.  GRAPE AND WHEY PATIENTS
+     210.  SOCIABLE DRIVERS
+     211.  A MOUNTAIN CASCADE
+     212.  THE GASTERNTHAL
+     213.  EXHILARATING SPORT
+     214.  FALLS
+     215.  WHAT MIGHT BE
+     216.  AN ALPINE BOUQUET
+     217.  THE END OF THE WORLD
+     218.  THE FORGET-ME-NOT
+     219.  A NEEDLE OF ICE
+     220.  CLIMBING THE MOUNTAIN
+     221.  SNOW CREVASSES
+     222.  CUTTING STEPS
+     223.  THE GUIDE
+     224.  VIEW FROM THE CLIFF
+     225.  GEMMI PASS AND LAKE DAUBENSEE
+     226.  ALMOST A TRAGEDY
+     227.  THE ALPINE LITTER
+     228.  SOCIAL BATHERS
+     229.  DEATH OF COUNTESS HERLINCOURT
+     230.  THEY'VE GOT IT ALL
+     231.  MODEL FOR AN EMPRESS
+     232.  BATH HOUSES AT LEUKE
+     233.  THE BATHERS AT LEUKE
+     234.  RATTIER MIXED UP
+     235.  TAIL PIECE
+
+
+
+CONTENTS:
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIX Everything Convenient--Looking for a Western
+Sunrise--Mutual Recrimination--View from the Summit--Down the
+Mountain--Railroading--Confidence Wanted and Acquired
+
+CHAPTER XXX A Trip by Proxy--A Visit to the Furka Regions--Deadman's
+Lake--Source of the Rhone--Glacier Tables--Storm in the Mountains--At
+Grindelwald--Dawn on the Mountains--An Explanation Required--Dead
+Language--Criticism of Harris's Report
+
+CHAPTER XXXI Preparations for a Tramp--From Lucerne to Interlaken--The
+Brunig Pass--Modern and Ancient Chalets--Death of Pontius Pilate--Hermit
+Home of St Nicholas--Landslides--Children Selling Refreshments--How they
+Harness a Horse--A Great Man--Honors to a Hero--A Thirsty Bride--For
+Better or Worse--German Fashions--Anticipations--Solid Comfort--An
+Unsatisfactory Awakening--What we had Lost--Our Surroundings
+
+CHAPTER XXXII The Jungfrau Hotel--A Whiskered Waitress--An Arkansas
+Bride--Perfection in Discord--A Famous Victory--A Look from a
+Window--About the Jungfrau
+
+CHAPTER XXXIII The Giesbach Falls--The Spirit of the Alps--Why People
+Visit Them--Whey and Grapes as Medicines--The Kursaal--A Formidable
+Undertaking--From Interlaken to Zermatt on Foot--We Concluded to take
+a Buggy--A Pair of Jolly Drivers--We meet with Companions--A Cheerful
+Ride--Kandersteg Valley--An Alpine Parlor--Exercise and Amusement--A
+Race with a Log
+
+CHAPTER XXXIV An Old Guide--Possible Accidents--Dangerous
+Habitation--Mountain Flowers--Embryo Lions--Mountain Pigs--The End
+of The World--Ghastly Desolation--Proposed Adventure--Reading-up
+Adventures--Ascent of Monte Rosa--Precipices and Crevasses--Among
+the Snows--Exciting Experiences--lee Ridges--The Summit--Adventures
+Postponed
+
+CHAPTER XXXV A New Interest--Magnificent Views--A Mule's
+Prefereoces--Turning Mountain Corners--Terror of a Horse--Lady
+Tourists--Death of a young Countess--A Search for a Hat--What We Did
+Find--Harris's Opinion of Chamois--A Disappointed Man--A Giantess--Model
+for an Empress--Baths at Leuk--Sport in the Water--The Gemmi
+Precipices--A Palace for an Emperor--The Famous Ladders--Considerably
+Mixed Up--Sad Plight of a Minister
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIX
+
+[Looking West for Sunrise]
+
+
+He kept his word. We heard his horn and instantly got up. It was dark
+and cold and wretched. As I fumbled around for the matches, knocking
+things down with my quaking hands, I wished the sun would rise in the
+middle of the day, when it was warm and bright and cheerful, and one
+wasn't sleepy. We proceeded to dress by the gloom of a couple sickly
+candles, but we could hardly button anything, our hands shook so.
+I thought of how many happy people there were in Europe, Asia, and
+America, and everywhere, who were sleeping peacefully in their beds,
+and did not have to get up and see the Rigi sunrise--people who did
+not appreciate their advantage, as like as not, but would get up in the
+morning wanting more boons of Providence. While thinking these thoughts
+I yawned, in a rather ample way, and my upper teeth got hitched on a
+nail over the door, and while I was mounting a chair to free myself,
+Harris drew the window-curtain, and said:
+
+"Oh, this is luck! We shan't have to go out at all--yonder are the
+mountains, in full view."
+
+
+
+That was glad news, indeed. It made us cheerful right away. One could
+see the grand Alpine masses dimly outlined against the black firmament,
+and one or two faint stars blinking through rifts in the night. Fully
+clothed, and wrapped in blankets, and huddled ourselves up, by the
+window, with lighted pipes, and fell into chat, while we waited in
+exceeding comfort to see how an Alpine sunrise was going to look by
+candlelight. By and by a delicate, spiritual sort of effulgence spread
+itself by imperceptible degrees over the loftiest altitudes of the snowy
+wastes--but there the effort seemed to stop. I said, presently:
+
+"There is a hitch about this sunrise somewhere. It doesn't seem to go.
+What do you reckon is the matter with it?"
+
+"I don't know. It appears to hang fire somewhere. I never saw a sunrise
+act like that before. Can it be that the hotel is playing anything on
+us?"
+
+"Of course not. The hotel merely has a property interest in the sun, it
+has nothing to do with the management of it. It is a precarious kind of
+property, too; a succession of total eclipses would probably ruin this
+tavern. Now what can be the matter with this sunrise?"
+
+Harris jumped up and said:
+
+"I've got it! I know what's the matter with it! We've been looking at
+the place where the sun SET last night!"
+
+"It is perfectly true! Why couldn't you have thought of that sooner? Now
+we've lost another one! And all through your blundering. It was exactly
+like you to light a pipe and sit down to wait for the sun to rise in the
+west."
+
+"It was exactly like me to find out the mistake, too. You never would
+have found it out. I find out all the mistakes."
+
+"You make them all, too, else your most valuable faculty would be wasted
+on you. But don't stop to quarrel, now--maybe we are not too late yet."
+
+But we were. The sun was well up when we got to the exhibition-ground.
+
+
+
+On our way up we met the crowd returning--men and women dressed in
+all sorts of queer costumes, and exhibiting all degrees of cold and
+wretchedness in their gaits and countenances. A dozen still remained on
+the ground when we reached there, huddled together about the scaffold
+with their backs to the bitter wind. They had their red guide-books open
+at the diagram of the view, and were painfully picking out the several
+mountains and trying to impress their names and positions on their
+memories. It was one of the saddest sights I ever saw.
+
+Two sides of this place were guarded by railings, to keep people from
+being blown over the precipices. The view, looking sheer down into
+the broad valley, eastward, from this great elevation--almost a
+perpendicular mile--was very quaint and curious. Counties, towns, hilly
+ribs and ridges, wide stretches of green meadow, great forest tracts,
+winding streams, a dozen blue lakes, a block of busy steamboats--we saw
+all this little world in unique circumstantiality of detail--saw it just
+as the birds see it--and all reduced to the smallest of scales and as
+sharply worked out and finished as a steel engraving. The numerous toy
+villages, with tiny spires projecting out of them, were just as the
+children might have left them when done with play the day before; the
+forest tracts were diminished to cushions of moss; one or two big lakes
+were dwarfed to ponds, the smaller ones to puddles--though they did not
+look like puddles, but like blue teardrops which had fallen and lodged
+in slight depressions, conformable to their shapes, among the moss-beds
+and the smooth levels of dainty green farm-land; the microscopic
+steamboats glided along, as in a city reservoir, taking a mighty time to
+cover the distance between ports which seemed only a yard apart; and the
+isthmus which separated two lakes looked as if one might stretch out on
+it and lie with both elbows in the water, yet we knew invisible wagons
+were toiling across it and finding the distance a tedious one. This
+beautiful miniature world had exactly the appearance of those "relief
+maps" which reproduce nature precisely, with the heights and depressions
+and other details graduated to a reduced scale, and with the rocks,
+trees, lakes, etc., colored after nature.
+
+
+
+I believed we could walk down to Waeggis or Vitznau in a day, but I knew
+we could go down by rail in about an hour, so I chose the latter method.
+I wanted to see what it was like, anyway. The train came along about the
+middle of the afternoon, and an odd thing it was. The locomotive-boiler
+stood on end, and it and the whole locomotive were tilted sharply
+backward. There were two passenger-cars, roofed, but wide open all
+around. These cars were not tilted back, but the seats were; this
+enables the passenger to sit level while going down a steep incline.
+
+There are three railway-tracks; the central one is cogged; the "lantern
+wheel" of the engine grips its way along these cogs, and pulls the
+train up the hill or retards its motion on the down trip. About the same
+speed--three miles an hour--is maintained both ways. Whether going up or
+down, the locomotive is always at the lower end of the train. It pushes
+in the one case, braces back in the other. The passenger rides backward
+going up, and faces forward going down.
+
+We got front seats, and while the train moved along about fifty yards
+on level ground, I was not the least frightened; but now it started
+abruptly downstairs, and I caught my breath. And I, like my neighbors,
+unconsciously held back all I could, and threw my weight to the rear,
+but, of course, that did no particular good. I had slidden down the
+balusters when I was a boy, and thought nothing of it, but to slide down
+the balusters in a railway-train is a thing to make one's flesh creep.
+Sometimes we had as much as ten yards of almost level ground, and this
+gave us a few full breaths in comfort; but straightway we would turn a
+corner and see a long steep line of rails stretching down below us, and
+the comfort was at an end. One expected to see the locomotive pause,
+or slack up a little, and approach this plunge cautiously, but it
+did nothing of the kind; it went calmly on, and went it reached the
+jumping-off place it made a sudden bow, and went gliding smoothly
+downstairs, untroubled by the circumstances.
+
+It was wildly exhilarating to slide along the edge of the precipices,
+after this grisly fashion, and look straight down upon that far-off
+valley which I was describing a while ago.
+
+There was no level ground at the Kaltbad station; the railbed was as
+steep as a roof; I was curious to see how the stop was going to be
+managed. But it was very simple; the train came sliding down, and when
+it reached the right spot it just stopped--that was all there was "to
+it"--stopped on the steep incline, and when the exchange of passengers
+and baggage had been made, it moved off and went sliding down again. The
+train can be stopped anywhere, at a moment's notice.
+
+There was one curious effect, which I need not take the trouble to
+describe--because I can scissor a description of it out of the railway
+company's advertising pamphlet, and save my ink:
+
+
+
+"On the whole tour, particularly at the Descent, we undergo an optical
+illusion which often seems to be incredible. All the shrubs, fir trees,
+stables, houses, etc., seem to be bent in a slanting direction, as by an
+immense pressure of air. They are all standing awry, so much awry that
+the chalets and cottages of the peasants seem to be tumbling down. It
+is the consequence of the steep inclination of the line. Those who
+are seated in the carriage do not observe that they are going down a
+declivity of twenty to twenty-five degrees (their seats being adapted
+to this course of proceeding and being bent down at their backs). They
+mistake their carriage and its horizontal lines for a proper measure of
+the normal plain, and therefore all the objects outside which really
+are in a horizontal position must show a disproportion of twenty to
+twenty-five degrees declivity, in regard to the mountain."
+
+By the time one reaches Kaltbad, he has acquired confidence in the
+railway, and he now ceases to try to ease the locomotive by holding
+back. Thenceforth he smokes his pipe in serenity, and gazes out upon the
+magnificent picture below and about him with unfettered enjoyment. There
+is nothing to interrupt the view or the breeze; it is like inspecting
+the world on the wing. However--to be exact--there is one place where
+the serenity lapses for a while; this is while one is crossing the
+Schnurrtobel Bridge, a frail structure which swings its gossamer frame
+down through the dizzy air, over a gorge, like a vagrant spider-strand.
+
+One has no difficulty in remembering his sins while the train is
+creeping down this bridge; and he repents of them, too; though he sees,
+when he gets to Vitznau, that he need not have done it, the bridge was
+perfectly safe.
+
+So ends the eventual trip which we made to the Rigi-Kulm to see an
+Alpine sunrise.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXX
+
+[Harris Climbs Mountains for Me]
+
+
+An hour's sail brought us to Lucerne again. I judged it best to go to
+bed and rest several days, for I knew that the man who undertakes to
+make the tour of Europe on foot must take care of himself.
+
+Thinking over my plans, as mapped out, I perceived that they did not
+take in the Furka Pass, the Rhone Glacier, the Finsteraarhorn, the
+Wetterhorn, etc. I immediately examined the guide-book to see if these
+were important, and found they were; in fact, a pedestrian tour of
+Europe could not be complete without them. Of course that decided me at
+once to see them, for I never allow myself to do things by halves, or in
+a slurring, slipshod way.
+
+I called in my agent and instructed him to go without delay and make a
+careful examination of these noted places, on foot, and bring me back a
+written report of the result, for insertion in my book. I instructed
+him to go to Hospenthal as quickly as possible, and make his grand start
+from there; to extend his foot expedition as far as the Giesbach fall,
+and return to me from thence by diligence or mule. I told him to take
+the courier with him.
+
+He objected to the courier, and with some show of reason, since he was
+about to venture upon new and untried ground; but I thought he might
+as well learn how to take care of the courier now as later, therefore I
+enforced my point. I said that the trouble, delay, and inconvenience
+of traveling with a courier were balanced by the deep respect which a
+courier's presence commands, and I must insist that as much style be
+thrown into my journeys as possible.
+
+So the two assumed complete mountaineering costumes and departed. A week
+later they returned, pretty well used up, and my agent handed me the
+following: Official Report
+
+OF A VISIT TO THE FURKA REGION.
+
+BY H. HARRIS, AGENT About seven o'clock in the morning, with perfectly
+fine weather, we started from Hospenthal, and arrived at the MAISON on
+the Furka in a little under QUATRE hours. The want of variety in the
+scenery from Hospenthal made the KAHKAHPONEEKA wearisome; but let none
+be discouraged; no one can fail to be completely R'ECOMPENS'EE for his
+fatigue, when he sees, for the first time, the monarch of the Oberland,
+the tremendous Finsteraarhorn. A moment before all was dullness, but
+a PAS further has placed us on the summit of the Furka; and exactly in
+front of us, at a HOPOW of only fifteen miles, this magnificent mountain
+lifts its snow-wreathed precipices into the deep blue sky. The inferior
+mountains on each side of the pass form a sort of frame for the picture
+of their dread lord, and close in the view so completely that no other
+prominent feature in the Oberland is visible from this BONG-A-BONG;
+nothing withdraws the attention from the solitary grandeur of the
+Finsteraarhorn and the dependent spurs which form the abutments of the
+central peak.
+
+
+
+With the addition of some others, who were also bound for the Grimsel,
+we formed a large XHVLOJ as we descended the STEG which winds round the
+shoulder of a mountain toward the Rhone Glacier. We soon left the path
+and took to the ice; and after wandering amongst the crevices UN PEU, to
+admire the wonders of these deep blue caverns, and hear the rushing of
+waters through their subglacial channels, we struck out a course toward
+L'AUTRE CÔTE and crossed the glacier successfully, a little above the
+cave from which the infant Rhone takes its first bound from under the
+grand precipice of ice. Half a mile below this we began to climb the
+flowery side of the Meienwand. One of our party started before the rest,
+but the HITZE was so great, that we found IHM quite exhausted, and lying
+at full length in the shade of a large GESTEIN. We sat down with him
+for a time, for all felt the heat exceedingly in the climb up this very
+steep BOLWOGGOLY, and then we set out again together, and arrived at
+last near the Dead Man's Lake, at the foot of the Sidelhorn. This lonely
+spot, once used for an extempore burying-place, after a sanguinary
+BATTUE between the French and Austrians, is the perfection of
+desolation; there is nothing in sight to mark the hand of man, except
+the line of weather-beaten whitened posts, set up to indicate the
+direction of the pass in the OWDAWAKK of winter. Near this point the
+footpath joins the wider track, which connects the Grimsel with the head
+of the Rhone SCHNAWP; this has been carefully constructed, and leads
+with a tortuous course among and over LES PIERRES, down to the bank of
+the gloomy little SWOSH-SWOSH, which almost washes against the walls of
+the Grimsel Hospice. We arrived a little before four o'clock at the end
+of our day's journey, hot enough to justify the step, taking by most of
+the PARTIE, of plunging into the crystal water of the snow-fed lake.
+
+
+
+The next afternoon we started for a walk up the Unteraar glacier, with
+the intention of, at all events, getting as far as the Hütte which is
+used as a sleeping-place by most of those who cross the Strahleck Pass
+to Grindelwald. We got over the tedious collection of stones and DÉBRIS
+which covers the PIED of the GLETCHER, and had walked nearly three hours
+from the Grimsel, when, just as we were thinking of crossing over to the
+right, to climb the cliffs at the foot of the hut, the clouds, which had
+for some time assumed a threatening appearance, suddenly dropped, and
+a huge mass of them, driving toward us from the Finsteraarhorn, poured
+down a deluge of HABOOLONG and hail. Fortunately, we were not far from
+a very large glacier-table; it was a huge rock balanced on a pedestal
+of ice high enough to admit of our all creeping under it for GOWKARAK.
+A stream of PUCKITTYPUKK had furrowed a course for itself in the ice
+at its base, and we were obliged to stand with one FUSS on each side of
+this, and endeavor to keep ourselves CHAUD by cutting steps in the steep
+bank of the pedestal, so as to get a higher place for standing on,
+as the WASSER rose rapidly in its trench. A very cold BZZZZZZZZEEE
+accompanied the storm, and made our position far from pleasant; and
+presently came a flash of BLITZEN, apparently in the middle of our
+little party, with an instantaneous clap of YOKKY, sounding like a large
+gun fired close to our ears; the effect was startling; but in a few
+seconds our attention was fixed by the roaring echoes of the thunder
+against the tremendous mountains which completely surrounded us. This
+was followed by many more bursts, none of WELCHE, however, was so
+dangerously near; and after waiting a long DEMI-hour in our icy prison,
+we sallied out to talk through a HABOOLONG which, though not so heavy
+as before, was quite enough to give us a thorough soaking before our
+arrival at the Hospice.
+
+The Grimsel is CERTAINEMENT a wonderful place; situated at the bottom
+of a sort of huge crater, the sides of which are utterly savage GEBIRGE,
+composed of barren rocks which cannot even support a single pine ARBRE,
+and afford only scanty food for a herd of GMWKWLLOLP, it looks as if
+it must be completely BEGRABEN in the winter snows. Enormous avalanches
+fall against it every spring, sometimes covering everything to the depth
+of thirty or forty feet; and, in spite of walls four feet thick, and
+furnished with outside shutters, the two men who stay here when the
+VOYAGEURS are snugly quartered in their distant homes can tell you that
+the snow sometimes shakes the house to its foundations.
+
+Next morning the HOGGLEBUMGULLUP still continued bad, but we made up our
+minds to go on, and make the best of it. Half an hour after we started,
+the REGEN thickened unpleasantly, and we attempted to get shelter under
+a projecting rock, but being far to NASS already to make standing at
+all AGRÉABLE, we pushed on for the Handeck, consoling ourselves with the
+reflection that from the furious rushing of the river Aar at our
+side, we should at all events see the celebrated WASSERFALL in GRANDE
+PERFECTION. Nor were we NAPPERSOCKET in our expectation; the water
+was roaring down its leap of two hundred and fifty feet in a most
+magnificent frenzy, while the trees which cling to its rocky sides
+swayed to and fro in the violence of the hurricane which it brought down
+with it; even the stream, which falls into the main cascade at right
+angles, and TOUTEFOIS forms a beautiful feature in the scene, was now
+swollen into a raging torrent; and the violence of this "meeting of the
+waters," about fifty feet below the frail bridge where we stood, was
+fearfully grand. While we were looking at it, GLÜECKLICHEWEISE a gleam
+of sunshine came out, and instantly a beautiful rainbow was formed by
+the spray, and hung in mid-air suspended over the awful gorge.
+
+On going into the CHALET above the fall, we were informed that a BRUECKE
+had broken down near Guttanen, and that it would be impossible to
+proceed for some time; accordingly we were kept in our drenched
+condition for EIN STUNDE, when some VOYAGEURS arrived from Meiringen,
+and told us that there had been a trifling accident, ABER that we could
+now cross. On arriving at the spot, I was much inclined to suspect that
+the whole story was a ruse to make us SLOWWK and drink the more at the
+Handeck Inn, for only a few planks had been carried away, and though
+there might perhaps have been some difficulty with mules, the gap was
+certainly not larger than a MMBGLX might cross with a very slight leap.
+Near Guttanen the HABOOLONG happily ceased, and we had time to walk
+ourselves tolerably dry before arriving at Reichenback, WO we enjoyed a
+good DINÉ at the Hotel des Alps.
+
+
+
+Next morning we walked to Rosenlaui, the BEAU IDÉAL of Swiss scenery,
+where we spent the middle of the day in an excursion to the glacier.
+This was more beautiful than words can describe, for in the constant
+progress of the ice it has changed the form of its extremity and formed
+a vast cavern, as blue as the sky above, and rippled like a frozen
+ocean. A few steps cut in the WHOOPJAMBOREEHOO enabled us to walk
+completely under this, and feast our eyes upon one of the loveliest
+objects in creation. The glacier was all around divided by numberless
+fissures of the same exquisite color, and the finest wood-ERDBEEREN were
+growing in abundance but a few yards from the ice. The inn stands in a
+CHARMANT spot close to the CÔTÉ DE LA RIVIÈRE, which, lower down, forms
+the Reichenbach fall, and embosomed in the richest of pine woods,
+while the fine form of the Wellhorn looking down upon it completes the
+enchanting BOPPLE. In the afternoon we walked over the Great Scheideck
+to Grindelwald, stopping to pay a visit to the Upper glacier by the way;
+but we were again overtaken by bad HOGGLEBUMGULLUP and arrived at the
+hotel in a SOLCHE a state that the landlord's wardrobe was in great
+request.
+
+The clouds by this time seemed to have done their worst, for a lovely
+day succeeded, which we determined to devote to an ascent of the
+Faulhorn. We left Grindelwald just as a thunder-storm was dying away,
+and we hoped to find GUTEN WETTER up above; but the rain, which had
+nearly ceased, began again, and we were struck by the rapidly increasing
+FROID as we ascended. Two-thirds of the way up were completed when
+the rain was exchanged for GNILLIC, with which the BODEN was thickly
+covered, and before we arrived at the top the GNILLIC and mist became
+so thick that we could not see one another at more than twenty POOPOO
+distance, and it became difficult to pick our way over the rough and
+thickly covered ground. Shivering with cold, we turned into bed with a
+double allowance of clothes, and slept comfortably while the wind
+howled AUTOUR DE LA MAISON; when I awoke, the wall and the window looked
+equally dark, but in another hour I found I could just see the form
+of the latter; so I jumped out of bed, and forced it open, though with
+great difficulty from the frost and the quantities of GNILLIC heaped up
+against it.
+
+A row of huge icicles hung down from the edge of the roof, and anything
+more wintry than the whole ANBLICK could not well be imagined; but the
+sudden appearance of the great mountains in front was so startling
+that I felt no inclination to move toward bed again. The snow which
+had collected upon LA FÊNTRE had increased the FINSTERNISS ODER DER
+DUNKELHEIT, so that when I looked out I was surprised to find that the
+daylight was considerable, and that the BALRAGOOMAH would evidently rise
+before long. Only the brightest of LES E'TOILES were still shining; the
+sky was cloudless overhead, though small curling mists lay thousands of
+feet below us in the valleys, wreathed around the feet of the mountains,
+and adding to the splendor of their lofty summits. We were soon dressed
+and out of the house, watching the gradual approach of dawn, thoroughly
+absorbed in the first near view of the Oberland giants, which broke
+upon us unexpectedly after the intense obscurity of the evening before.
+"KABAUGWAKKO SONGWASHEE KUM WETTERHORN SNAWPO!" cried some one, as that
+grand summit gleamed with the first rose of dawn; and in a few moments
+the double crest of the Schreckhorn followed its example; peak after
+peak seemed warmed with life, the Jungfrau blushed even more beautifully
+than her neighbors, and soon, from the Wetterhorn in the east to the
+Wildstrubel in the west, a long row of fires glowed upon mighty altars,
+truly worthy of the gods.
+
+
+
+The WLGW was very severe; our sleeping-place could hardly be DISTINGUEÉ
+from the snow around it, which had fallen to a depth of a FLIRK during
+the past evening, and we heartily enjoyed a rough scramble EN BAS to
+the Giesbach falls, where we soon found a warm climate. At noon the day
+before Grindelwald the thermometer could not have stood at less than 100
+degrees Fahr. in the sun; and in the evening, judging from the icicles
+formed, and the state of the windows, there must have been at least
+twelve DINGBLATTER of frost, thus giving a change of 80 degrees during a
+few hours.
+
+I said:
+
+"You have done well, Harris; this report is concise, compact, well
+expressed; the language is crisp, the descriptions are vivid and not
+needlessly elaborated; your report goes straight to the point, attends
+strictly to business, and doesn't fool around. It is in many ways an
+excellent document. But it has a fault--it is too learned, it is much
+too learned. What is 'DINGBLATTER'?
+
+"'DINGBLATTER' is a Fiji word meaning 'degrees.'"
+
+"You knew the English of it, then?"
+
+"Oh, yes."
+
+"What is 'GNILLIC'?
+
+"That is the Eskimo term for 'snow.'"
+
+"So you knew the English for that, too?"
+
+"Why, certainly."
+
+"What does 'MMBGLX' stand for?"
+
+"That is Zulu for 'pedestrian.'"
+
+"'While the form of the Wellhorn looking down upon it completes the
+enchanting BOPPLE.' What is 'BOPPLE'?"
+
+"'Picture.' It's Choctaw."
+
+"What is 'SCHNAWP'?"
+
+"'Valley.' That is Choctaw, also."
+
+"What is 'BOLWOGGOLY'?"
+
+"That is Chinese for 'hill.'"
+
+"'KAHKAHPONEEKA'?"
+
+"'Ascent.' Choctaw."
+
+"'But we were again overtaken by bad HOGGLEBUMGULLUP.' What does
+'HOGGLEBUMGULLUP' mean?"
+
+"That is Chinese for 'weather.'"
+
+"Is 'HOGGLEBUMGULLUP' better than the English word? Is it any more
+descriptive?"
+
+"No, it means just the same."
+
+"And 'DINGBLATTER' and 'GNILLIC,' and 'BOPPLE,' and 'SCHNAWP'--are they
+better than the English words?"
+
+"No, they mean just what the English ones do."
+
+"Then why do you use them? Why have you used all this Chinese and
+Choctaw and Zulu rubbish?"
+
+"Because I didn't know any French but two or three words, and I didn't
+know any Latin or Greek at all."
+
+"That is nothing. Why should you want to use foreign words, anyhow?"
+
+"They adorn my page. They all do it."
+
+"Who is 'all'?"
+
+"Everybody. Everybody that writes elegantly. Anybody has a right to that
+wants to."
+
+"I think you are mistaken." I then proceeded in the following scathing
+manner. "When really learned men write books for other learned men
+to read, they are justified in using as many learned words as they
+please--their audience will understand them; but a man who writes a book
+for the general public to read is not justified in disfiguring his pages
+with untranslated foreign expressions. It is an insolence toward the
+majority of the purchasers, for it is a very frank and impudent way of
+saying, 'Get the translations made yourself if you want them, this
+book is not written for the ignorant classes.' There are men who know
+a foreign language so well and have used it so long in their daily
+life that they seem to discharge whole volleys of it into their English
+writings unconsciously, and so they omit to translate, as much as
+half the time. That is a great cruelty to nine out of ten of the man's
+readers. What is the excuse for this? The writer would say he only uses
+the foreign language where the delicacy of his point cannot be conveyed
+in English. Very well, then he writes his best things for the tenth man,
+and he ought to warn the nine other not to buy his book. However, the
+excuse he offers is at least an excuse; but there is another set of
+men who are like YOU; they know a WORD here and there, of a foreign
+language, or a few beggarly little three-word phrases, filched from the
+back of the Dictionary, and these are continually peppering into their
+literature, with a pretense of knowing that language--what excuse can
+they offer? The foreign words and phrases which they use have their
+exact equivalents in a nobler language--English; yet they think they
+'adorn their page' when they say STRASSE for street, and BAHNHOF for
+railway-station, and so on--flaunting these fluttering rags of poverty
+in the reader's face and imagining he will be ass enough to take
+them for the sign of untold riches held in reserve. I will let your
+'learning' remain in your report; you have as much right, I suppose, to
+'adorn your page' with Zulu and Chinese and Choctaw rubbish as others of
+your sort have to adorn theirs with insolent odds and ends smouched from
+half a dozen learned tongues whose A-B ABS they don't even know."
+
+When the musing spider steps upon the red-hot shovel, he first exhibits
+a wild surprise, then he shrivels up. Similar was the effect of these
+blistering words upon the tranquil and unsuspecting Agent. I can be
+dreadfully rough on a person when the mood takes me.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXI
+
+[Alp-scaling by Carriage]
+
+
+We now prepared for a considerable walk--from Lucerne to Interlaken,
+over the Bruenig Pass. But at the last moment the weather was so good
+that I changed my mind and hired a four-horse carriage. It was a huge
+vehicle, roomy, as easy in its motion as a palanquin, and exceedingly
+comfortable.
+
+We got away pretty early in the morning, after a hot breakfast, and
+went bowling over a hard, smooth road, through the summer loveliness of
+Switzerland, with near and distant lakes and mountains before and about
+us for the entertainment of the eye, and the music of multitudinous
+birds to charm the ear. Sometimes there was only the width of the road
+between the imposing precipices on the right and the clear cool water on
+the left with its shoals of uncatchable fish skimming about through the
+bars of sun and shadow; and sometimes, in place of the precipices, the
+grassy land stretched away, in an apparently endless upward slant,
+and was dotted everywhere with snug little chalets, the peculiarly
+captivating cottage of Switzerland.
+
+The ordinary chalet turns a broad, honest gable end to the road, and
+its ample roof hovers over the home in a protecting, caressing way,
+projecting its sheltering eaves far outward. The quaint windows are
+filled with little panes, and garnished with white muslin curtains,
+and brightened with boxes of blooming flowers. Across the front of the
+house, and up the spreading eaves and along the fanciful railings of
+the shallow porch, are elaborate carvings--wreaths, fruits, arabesques,
+verses from Scripture, names, dates, etc. The building is wholly of
+wood, reddish brown in tint, a very pleasing color. It generally has
+vines climbing over it. Set such a house against the fresh green of the
+hillside, and it looks ever so cozy and inviting and picturesque, and is
+a decidedly graceful addition to the landscape.
+
+One does not find out what a hold the chalet has taken upon him, until
+he presently comes upon a new house--a house which is aping the town
+fashions of Germany and France, a prim, hideous, straight-up-and-down
+thing, plastered all over on the outside to look like stone, and
+altogether so stiff, and formal, and ugly, and forbidding, and so out of
+tune with the gracious landscape, and so deaf and dumb and dead to the
+poetry of its surroundings, that it suggests an undertaker at a picnic,
+a corpse at a wedding, a puritan in Paradise.
+
+
+
+In the course of the morning we passed the spot where Pontius Pilate is
+said to have thrown himself into the lake. The legend goes that after
+the Crucifixion his conscience troubled him, and he fled from Jerusalem
+and wandered about the earth, weary of life and a prey to tortures
+of the mind. Eventually, he hid himself away, on the heights of Mount
+Pilatus, and dwelt alone among the clouds and crags for years; but rest
+and peace were still denied him, so he finally put an end to his misery
+by drowning himself.
+
+Presently we passed the place where a man of better odor was born. This
+was the children's friend, Santa Claus, or St. Nicholas. There are some
+unaccountable reputations in the world. This saint's is an instance. He
+has ranked for ages as the peculiar friend of children, yet it appears
+he was not much of a friend to his own. He had ten of them, and when
+fifty years old he left them, and sought out as dismal a refuge from the
+world as possible, and became a hermit in order that he might reflect
+upon pious themes without being disturbed by the joyous and other noises
+from the nursery, doubtless.
+
+
+
+Judging by Pilate and St. Nicholas, there exists no rule for the
+construction of hermits; they seem made out of all kinds of material.
+But Pilate attended to the matter of expiating his sin while he was
+alive, whereas St. Nicholas will probably have to go on climbing down
+sooty chimneys, Christmas eve, forever, and conferring kindness on other
+people's children, to make up for deserting his own. His bones are kept
+in a church in a village (Sachseln) which we visited, and are naturally
+held in great reverence. His portrait is common in the farmhouses of
+the region, but is believed by many to be but an indifferent likeness.
+During his hermit life, according to legend, he partook of the bread
+and wine of the communion once a month, but all the rest of the month he
+fasted.
+
+
+
+A constant marvel with us, as we sped along the bases of the steep
+mountains on this journey, was, not that avalanches occur, but that they
+are not occurring all the time. One does not understand why rocks
+and landslides do not plunge down these declivities daily. A landslip
+occurred three quarters of a century ago, on the route from Arth to
+Brunnen, which was a formidable thing. A mass of conglomerate two miles
+long, a thousand feet broad, and a hundred feet thick, broke away from a
+cliff three thousand feet high and hurled itself into the valley below,
+burying four villages and five hundred people, as in a grave.
+
+
+
+We had such a beautiful day, and such endless pictures of limpid lakes,
+and green hills and valleys, and majestic mountains, and milky cataracts
+dancing down the steeps and gleaming in the sun, that we could not help
+feeling sweet toward all the world; so we tried to drink all the
+milk, and eat all the grapes and apricots and berries, and buy all the
+bouquets of wild flowers which the little peasant boys and girls offered
+for sale; but we had to retire from this contract, for it was too heavy.
+
+At short distances--and they were entirely too short--all along the
+road, were groups of neat and comely children, with their wares nicely
+and temptingly set forth in the grass under the shade trees, and as soon
+as we approached they swarmed into the road, holding out their baskets
+and milk bottles, and ran beside the carriage, barefoot and bareheaded,
+and importuned us to buy. They seldom desisted early, but continued to
+run and insist--beside the wagon while they could, and behind it until
+they lost breath. Then they turned and chased a returning carriage back
+to their trading-post again. After several hours of this, without any
+intermission, it becomes almost annoying. I do not know what we should
+have done without the returning carriages to draw off the pursuit.
+However, there were plenty of these, loaded with dusty tourists and
+piled high with luggage. Indeed, from Lucerne to Interlaken we had
+the spectacle, among other scenery, of an unbroken procession of
+fruit-peddlers and tourists carriages.
+
+Our talk was mostly anticipatory of what we should see on the down-grade
+of the Bruenig, by and by, after we should pass the summit. All our
+friends in Lucerne had said that to look down upon Meiringen, and the
+rushing blue-gray river Aar, and the broad level green valley; and
+across at the mighty Alpine precipices that rise straight up to the
+clouds out of that valley; and up at the microscopic chalets perched
+upon the dizzy eaves of those precipices and winking dimly and fitfully
+through the drifting veil of vapor; and still up and up, at the superb
+Oltschiback and the other beautiful cascades that leap from those rugged
+heights, robed in powdery spray, ruffled with foam, and girdled with
+rainbows--to look upon these things, they say, was to look upon the last
+possibility of the sublime and the enchanting. Therefore, as I say,
+we talked mainly of these coming wonders; if we were conscious of any
+impatience, it was to get there in favorable season; if we felt any
+anxiety, it was that the day might remain perfect, and enable us to see
+those marvels at their best.
+
+As we approached the Kaiserstuhl, a part of the harness gave way.
+
+We were in distress for a moment, but only a moment. It was the
+fore-and-aft gear that was broken--the thing that leads aft from the
+forward part of the horse and is made fast to the thing that pulls the
+wagon. In America this would have been a heavy leathern strap; but, all
+over the continent it is nothing but a piece of rope the size of
+your little finger--clothes-line is what it is. Cabs use it, private
+carriages, freight-carts and wagons, all sorts of vehicles have it. In
+Munich I afterward saw it used on a long wagon laden with fifty-four
+half-barrels of beer; I had before noticed that the cabs in Heidelberg
+used it--not new rope, but rope that had been in use since Abraham's
+time --and I had felt nervous, sometimes, behind it when the cab was
+tearing down a hill. But I had long been accustomed to it now, and had
+even become afraid of the leather strap which belonged in its place. Our
+driver got a fresh piece of clothes-line out of his locker and repaired
+the break in two minutes.
+
+So much for one European fashion. Every country has its own ways. It may
+interest the reader to know how they "put horses to" on the continent.
+The man stands up the horses on each side of the thing that projects
+from the front end of the wagon, and then throws the tangled mess of
+gear forward through a ring, and hauls it aft, and passes the other
+thing through the other ring and hauls it aft on the other side of the
+other horse, opposite to the first one, after crossing them and bringing
+the loose end back, and then buckles the other thing underneath the
+horse, and takes another thing and wraps it around the thing I spoke
+of before, and puts another thing over each horse's head, with broad
+flappers to it to keep the dust out of his eyes, and puts the iron thing
+in his mouth for him to grit his teeth on, uphill, and brings the ends
+of these things aft over his back, after buckling another one around
+under his neck to hold his head up, and hitching another thing on
+a thing that goes over his shoulders to keep his head up when he is
+climbing a hill, and then takes the slack of the thing which I mentioned
+a while ago, and fetches it aft and makes it fast to the thing that
+pulls the wagon, and hands the other things up to the driver to steer
+with. I never have buckled up a horse myself, but I do not think we do
+it that way.
+
+
+
+We had four very handsome horses, and the driver was very proud of his
+turnout. He would bowl along on a reasonable trot, on the highway, but
+when he entered a village he did it on a furious run, and accompanied it
+with a frenzy of ceaseless whip-crackings that sounded like volleys of
+musketry. He tore through the narrow streets and around the sharp curves
+like a moving earthquake, showering his volleys as he went, and before
+him swept a continuous tidal wave of scampering children, ducks, cats,
+and mothers clasping babies which they had snatched out of the way of
+the coming destruction; and as this living wave washed aside, along the
+walls, its elements, being safe, forgot their fears and turned their
+admiring gaze upon that gallant driver till he thundered around the next
+curve and was lost to sight.
+
+He was a great man to those villagers, with his gaudy clothes and his
+terrific ways. Whenever he stopped to have his cattle watered and fed
+with loaves of bread, the villagers stood around admiring him while
+he swaggered about, the little boys gazed up at his face with humble
+homage, and the landlord brought out foaming mugs of beer and conversed
+proudly with him while he drank. Then he mounted his lofty box, swung
+his explosive whip, and away he went again, like a storm. I had not
+seen anything like this before since I was a boy, and the stage used to
+flourish the village with the dust flying and the horn tooting.
+
+
+
+When we reached the base of the Kaiserstuhl, we took two more horses; we
+had to toil along with difficulty for an hour and a half or two hours,
+for the ascent was not very gradual, but when we passed the backbone and
+approached the station, the driver surpassed all his previous efforts in
+the way of rush and clatter. He could not have six horses all the time,
+so he made the most of his chance while he had it.
+
+Up to this point we had been in the heart of the William Tell region.
+The hero is not forgotten, by any means, or held in doubtful veneration.
+His wooden image, with his bow drawn, above the doors of taverns, was a
+frequent feature of the scenery.
+
+About noon we arrived at the foot of the Bruenig Pass, and made a
+two-hour stop at the village hotel, another of those clean, pretty, and
+thoroughly well-kept inns which are such an astonishment to people
+who are accustomed to hotels of a dismally different pattern in remote
+country-towns. There was a lake here, in the lap of the great mountains,
+the green slopes that rose toward the lower crags were graced with
+scattered Swiss cottages nestling among miniature farms and gardens,
+and from out a leafy ambuscade in the upper heights tumbled a brawling
+cataract.
+
+
+
+Carriage after carriage, laden with tourists and trunks, arrived, and
+the quiet hotel was soon populous. We were early at the table d'hôte and
+saw the people all come in. There were twenty-five, perhaps. They were
+of various nationalities, but we were the only Americans. Next to me sat
+an English bride, and next to her sat her new husband, whom she called
+"Neddy," though he was big enough and stalwart enough to be entitled to
+his full name. They had a pretty little lovers' quarrel over what wine
+they should have. Neddy was for obeying the guide-book and taking the
+wine of the country; but the bride said:
+
+"What, that nahsty stuff!"
+
+"It isn't nahsty, pet, it's quite good."
+
+"It IS nahsty."
+
+"No, it ISN'T nahsty."
+
+"It's Oful nahsty, Neddy, and I shahn't drink it."
+
+Then the question was, what she must have. She said he knew very well
+that she never drank anything but champagne.
+
+She added:
+
+"You know very well papa always has champagne on his table, and I've
+always been used to it."
+
+Neddy made a playful pretense of being distressed about the expense,
+and this amused her so much that she nearly exhausted herself with
+laughter--and this pleased HIM so much that he repeated his jest a
+couple of times, and added new and killing varieties to it. When the
+bride finally recovered, she gave Neddy a love-box on the arm with her
+fan, and said with arch severity:
+
+"Well, you would HAVE me--nothing else would do--so you'll have to make
+the best of a bad bargain. DO order the champagne, I'm Oful dry."
+
+
+
+So with a mock groan which made her laugh again, Neddy ordered the
+champagne.
+
+The fact that this young woman had never moistened the selvedge edge of
+her soul with a less plebeian tipple than champagne, had a marked and
+subduing effect on Harris. He believed she belonged to the royal family.
+But I had my doubts.
+
+We heard two or three different languages spoken by people at the
+table and guessed out the nationalities of most of the guests to our
+satisfaction, but we failed with an elderly gentleman and his wife and
+a young girl who sat opposite us, and with a gentleman of about
+thirty-five who sat three seats beyond Harris. We did not hear any of
+these speak. But finally the last-named gentleman left while we were not
+noticing, but we looked up as he reached the far end of the table. He
+stopped there a moment, and made his toilet with a pocket comb. So he
+was a German; or else he had lived in German hotels long enough to catch
+the fashion. When the elderly couple and the young girl rose to leave,
+they bowed respectfully to us. So they were Germans, too. This national
+custom is worth six of the other one, for export.
+
+
+
+After dinner we talked with several Englishmen, and they inflamed our
+desire to a hotter degree than ever, to see the sights of Meiringen from
+the heights of the Bruenig Pass. They said the view was marvelous, and
+that one who had seen it once could never forget it. They also spoke of
+the romantic nature of the road over the pass, and how in one place it
+had been cut through a flank of the solid rock, in such a way that the
+mountain overhung the tourist as he passed by; and they furthermore said
+that the sharp turns in the road and the abruptness of the descent would
+afford us a thrilling experience, for we should go down in a flying
+gallop and seem to be spinning around the rings of a whirlwind, like a
+drop of whiskey descending the spirals of a corkscrew.
+
+
+
+I got all the information out of these gentlemen that we could need; and
+then, to make everything complete, I asked them if a body could get hold
+of a little fruit and milk here and there, in case of necessity. They
+threw up their hands in speechless intimation that the road was simply
+paved with refreshment-peddlers. We were impatient to get away, now, and
+the rest of our two-hour stop rather dragged. But finally the set time
+arrived and we began the ascent. Indeed it was a wonderful road. It was
+smooth, and compact, and clean, and the side next the precipices was
+guarded all along by dressed stone posts about three feet high, placed
+at short distances apart. The road could not have been better built if
+Napoleon the First had built it. He seems to have been the introducer of
+the sort of roads which Europe now uses. All literature which describes
+life as it existed in England, France, and Germany up to the close
+of the last century, is filled with pictures of coaches and carriages
+wallowing through these three countries in mud and slush half-wheel
+deep; but after Napoleon had floundered through a conquered kingdom he
+generally arranged things so that the rest of the world could follow
+dry-shod.
+
+We went on climbing, higher and higher, and curving hither and thither,
+in the shade of noble woods, and with a rich variety and profusion of
+wild flowers all about us; and glimpses of rounded grassy backbones
+below us occupied by trim chalets and nibbling sheep, and other glimpses
+of far lower altitudes, where distance diminished the chalets to toys
+and obliterated the sheep altogether; and every now and then some
+ermined monarch of the Alps swung magnificently into view for a moment,
+then drifted past an intervening spur and disappeared again.
+
+It was an intoxicating trip altogether; the exceeding sense of
+satisfaction that follows a good dinner added largely to the enjoyment;
+the having something especial to look forward to and muse about, like
+the approaching grandeurs of Meiringen, sharpened the zest. Smoking
+was never so good before, solid comfort was never solider; we lay back
+against the thick cushions silent, meditative, steeped in felicity. *
+* * * * * * * I rubbed my eyes, opened them, and started. I had been
+dreaming I was at sea, and it was a thrilling surprise to wake up and
+find land all around me. It took me a couple seconds to "come to," as
+you may say; then I took in the situation. The horses were drinking at
+a trough in the edge of a town, the driver was taking beer, Harris was
+snoring at my side, the courier, with folded arms and bowed head, was
+sleeping on the box, two dozen barefooted and bareheaded children were
+gathered about the carriage, with their hands crossed behind, gazing up
+with serious and innocent admiration at the dozing tourists baking there
+in the sun. Several small girls held night-capped babies nearly as big
+as themselves in their arms, and even these fat babies seemed to take a
+sort of sluggish interest in us.
+
+
+
+We had slept an hour and a half and missed all the scenery! I did not
+need anybody to tell me that. If I had been a girl, I could have cursed
+for vexation. As it was, I woke up the agent and gave him a piece of
+my mind. Instead of being humiliated, he only upbraided me for being
+so wanting in vigilance. He said he had expected to improve his mind by
+coming to Europe, but a man might travel to the ends of the earth with
+me and never see anything, for I was manifestly endowed with the very
+genius of ill luck. He even tried to get up some emotion about that
+poor courier, who never got a chance to see anything, on account of my
+heedlessness. But when I thought I had borne about enough of this kind
+of talk, I threatened to make Harris tramp back to the summit and make a
+report on that scenery, and this suggestion spiked his battery.
+
+We drove sullenly through Brienz, dead to the seductions of its
+bewildering array of Swiss carvings and the clamorous HOO-hooing of
+its cuckoo clocks, and had not entirely recovered our spirits when we
+rattled across a bridge over the rushing blue river and entered the
+pretty town of Interlaken. It was just about sunset, and we had made the
+trip from Lucerne in ten hours.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXII
+
+[The Jungfrau, the Bride, and the Piano]
+
+
+We located ourselves at the Jungfrau Hotel, one of those huge
+establishments which the needs of modern travel have created in every
+attractive spot on the continent. There was a great gathering at dinner,
+and, as usual, one heard all sorts of languages.
+
+The table d'hôte was served by waitresses dressed in the quaint and
+comely costume of the Swiss peasants. This consists of a simple gros de
+laine, trimmed with ashes of roses, with overskirt of scare bleu ventre
+saint gris, cut bias on the off-side, with facings of petit polonaise
+and narrow insertions of pâte de foie gras backstitched to the mise
+en sce`ne in the form of a jeu d'esprit. It gives to the wearer a
+singularly piquant and alluring aspect.
+
+One of these waitresses, a woman of forty, had side-whiskers reaching
+half-way down her jaws. They were two fingers broad, dark in color,
+pretty thick, and the hairs were an inch long. One sees many women on
+the continent with quite conspicuous mustaches, but this was the only
+woman I saw who had reached the dignity of whiskers.
+
+After dinner the guests of both sexes distributed themselves about the
+front porches and the ornamental grounds belonging to the hotel, to
+enjoy the cool air; but, as the twilight deepened toward darkness, they
+gathered themselves together in that saddest and solemnest and most
+constrained of all places, the great blank drawing-room which is the
+chief feature of all continental summer hotels. There they grouped
+themselves about, in couples and threes, and mumbled in bated voices,
+and looked timid and homeless and forlorn.
+
+There was a small piano in this room, a clattery, wheezy, asthmatic
+thing, certainly the very worst miscarriage in the way of a piano that
+the world has seen. In turn, five or six dejected and homesick ladies
+approached it doubtingly, gave it a single inquiring thump, and
+retired with the lockjaw. But the boss of that instrument was to come,
+nevertheless; and from my own country--from Arkansaw.
+
+She was a brand-new bride, innocent, girlish, happy in herself and her
+grave and worshiping stripling of a husband; she was about eighteen,
+just out of school, free from affectations, unconscious of that
+passionless multitude around her; and the very first time she smote
+that old wreck one recognized that it had met its destiny. Her stripling
+brought an armful of aged sheet-music from their room--for this bride
+went "heeled," as you might say--and bent himself lovingly over and got
+ready to turn the pages.
+
+
+
+The bride fetched a swoop with her fingers from one end of the keyboard
+to the other, just to get her bearings, as it were, and you could see
+the congregation set their teeth with the agony of it. Then, without
+any more preliminaries, she turned on all the horrors of the "Battle of
+Prague," that venerable shivaree, and waded chin-deep in the blood of
+the slain. She made a fair and honorable average of two false notes in
+every five, but her soul was in arms and she never stopped to correct.
+The audience stood it with pretty fair grit for a while, but when the
+cannonade waxed hotter and fiercer, and the discord average rose to
+four in five, the procession began to move. A few stragglers held their
+ground ten minutes longer, but when the girl began to wring the true
+inwardness out of the "cries of the wounded," they struck their colors
+and retired in a kind of panic.
+
+
+
+There never was a completer victory; I was the only non-combatant left
+on the field. I would not have deserted my countrywoman anyhow, but
+indeed I had no desires in that direction. None of us like mediocrity,
+but we all reverence perfection. This girl's music was perfection in its
+way; it was the worst music that had ever been achieved on our planet by
+a mere human being.
+
+I moved up close, and never lost a strain. When she got through, I
+asked her to play it again. She did it with a pleased alacrity and a
+heightened enthusiasm. She made it ALL discords, this time. She got an
+amount of anguish into the cries of the wounded that shed a new light on
+human suffering. She was on the war-path all the evening. All the time,
+crowds of people gathered on the porches and pressed their noses against
+the windows to look and marvel, but the bravest never ventured in.
+The bride went off satisfied and happy with her young fellow, when her
+appetite was finally gorged, and the tourists swarmed in again.
+
+
+
+What a change has come over Switzerland, and in fact all Europe, during
+this century! Seventy or eighty years ago Napoleon was the only man in
+Europe who could really be called a traveler; he was the only man who
+had devoted his attention to it and taken a powerful interest in it; he
+was the only man who had traveled extensively; but now everybody goes
+everywhere; and Switzerland, and many other regions which were unvisited
+and unknown remotenesses a hundred years ago, are in our days a buzzing
+hive of restless strangers every summer. But I digress.
+
+In the morning, when we looked out of our windows, we saw a wonderful
+sight. Across the valley, and apparently quite neighborly and close at
+hand, the giant form of the Jungfrau rose cold and white into the clear
+sky, beyond a gateway in the nearer highlands. It reminded me, somehow,
+of one of those colossal billows which swells suddenly up beside one's
+ship, at sea, sometimes, with its crest and shoulders snowy white, and
+the rest of its noble proportions streaked downward with creamy foam.
+
+I took out my sketch-book and made a little picture of the Jungfrau,
+merely to get the shape.
+
+I do not regard this as one of my finished works, in fact I do not rank
+it among my Works at all; it is only a study; it is hardly more than
+what one might call a sketch. Other artists have done me the grace to
+admire it; but I am severe in my judgments of my own pictures, and this
+one does not move me.
+
+
+
+It was hard to believe that that lofty wooded rampart on the left which
+so overtops the Jungfrau was not actually the higher of the two, but it
+was not, of course. It is only two or three thousand feet high, and of
+course has no snow upon it in summer, whereas the Jungfrau is not much
+shorter of fourteen thousand feet high and therefore that lowest verge
+of snow on her side, which seems nearly down to the valley level, is
+really about seven thousand feet higher up in the air than the summit
+of that wooded rampart. It is the distance that makes the deception.
+The wooded height is but four or five miles removed from us, but the
+Jungfrau is four or five times that distance away.
+
+
+
+Walking down the street of shops, in the fore-noon, I was attracted by
+a large picture, carved, frame and all, from a single block of
+chocolate-colored wood. There are people who know everything. Some of
+these had told us that continental shopkeepers always raise their prices
+on English and Americans. Many people had told us it was expensive to
+buy things through a courier, whereas I had supposed it was just the
+reverse. When I saw this picture, I conjectured that it was worth more
+than the friend I proposed to buy it for would like to pay, but still it
+was worth while to inquire; so I told the courier to step in and ask
+the price, as if he wanted it for himself; I told him not to speak in
+English, and above all not to reveal the fact that he was a courier.
+Then I moved on a few yards, and waited.
+
+The courier came presently and reported the price. I said to myself, "It
+is a hundred francs too much," and so dismissed the matter from my
+mind. But in the afternoon I was passing that place with Harris, and the
+picture attracted me again. We stepped in, to see how much higher
+broken German would raise the price. The shopwoman named a figure just
+a hundred francs lower than the courier had named. This was a pleasant
+surprise. I said I would take it. After I had given directions as to
+where it was to be shipped, the shopwoman said, appealingly:
+
+"If you please, do not let your courier know you bought it."
+
+This was an unexpected remark. I said:
+
+"What makes you think I have a courier?"
+
+"Ah, that is very simple; he told me himself."
+
+"He was very thoughtful. But tell me--why did you charge him more than
+you are charging me?"
+
+"That is very simple, also: I do not have to pay you a percentage."
+
+"Oh, I begin to see. You would have had to pay the courier a
+percentage."
+
+"Undoubtedly. The courier always has his percentage. In this case it
+would have been a hundred francs."
+
+"Then the tradesman does not pay a part of it--the purchaser pays all of
+it?"
+
+"There are occasions when the tradesman and the courier agree upon a
+price which is twice or thrice the value of the article, then the two
+divide, and both get a percentage."
+
+"I see. But it seems to me that the purchaser does all the paying, even
+then."
+
+"Oh, to be sure! It goes without saying."
+
+"But I have bought this picture myself; therefore why shouldn't the
+courier know it?"
+
+The woman exclaimed, in distress:
+
+"Ah, indeed it would take all my little profit! He would come and demand
+his hundred francs, and I should have to pay."
+
+"He has not done the buying. You could refuse."
+
+"I could not dare to refuse. He would never bring travelers here again.
+More than that, he would denounce me to the other couriers, they would
+divert custom from me, and my business would be injured."
+
+I went away in a thoughtful frame of mind. I began to see why a courier
+could afford to work for fifty-five dollars a month and his fares. A
+month or two later I was able to understand why a courier did not have
+to pay any board and lodging, and why my hotel bills were always larger
+when I had him with me than when I left him behind, somewhere, for a few
+days.
+
+Another thing was also explained, now, apparently. In one town I had
+taken the courier to the bank to do the translating when I drew some
+money. I had sat in the reading-room till the transaction was finished.
+Then a clerk had brought the money to me in person, and had been
+exceedingly polite, even going so far as to precede me to the door and
+holding it open for me and bow me out as if I had been a distinguished
+personage. It was a new experience. Exchange had been in my favor ever
+since I had been in Europe, but just that one time. I got simply the
+face of my draft, and no extra francs, whereas I had expected to get
+quite a number of them. This was the first time I had ever used the
+courier at the bank. I had suspected something then, and as long as he
+remained with me afterward I managed bank matters by myself.
+
+Still, if I felt that I could afford the tax, I would never travel
+without a courier, for a good courier is a convenience whose value
+cannot be estimated in dollars and cents. Without him, travel is a
+bitter harassment, a purgatory of little exasperating annoyances, a
+ceaseless and pitiless punishment--I mean to an irascible man who has no
+business capacity and is confused by details.
+
+
+
+Without a courier, travel hasn't a ray of pleasure in it, anywhere; but
+with him it is a continuous and unruffled delight. He is always at hand,
+never has to be sent for; if your bell is not answered promptly--and it
+seldom is--you have only to open the door and speak, the courier will
+hear, and he will have the order attended to or raise an insurrection.
+You tell him what day you will start, and whither you are going--leave
+all the rest to him. You need not inquire about trains, or fares, or car
+changes, or hotels, or anything else. At the proper time he will put you
+in a cab or an omnibus, and drive you to the train or the boat; he has
+packed your luggage and transferred it, he has paid all the bills. Other
+people have preceded you half an hour to scramble for impossible places
+and lose their tempers, but you can take your time; the courier has
+secured your seats for you, and you can occupy them at your leisure.
+
+At the station, the crowd mash one another to pulp in the effort to get
+the weigher's attention to their trunks; they dispute hotly with these
+tyrants, who are cool and indifferent; they get their baggage billets,
+at last, and then have another squeeze and another rage over the
+disheartening business of trying to get them recorded and paid for, and
+still another over the equally disheartening business of trying to get
+near enough to the ticket office to buy a ticket; and now, with their
+tempers gone to the dogs, they must stand penned up and packed together,
+laden with wraps and satchels and shawl-straps, with the weary wife and
+babies, in the waiting-room, till the doors are thrown open--and then
+all hands make a grand final rush to the train, find it full, and have
+to stand on the platform and fret until some more cars are put on. They
+are in a condition to kill somebody by this time. Meantime, you have
+been sitting in your car, smoking, and observing all this misery in the
+extremest comfort.
+
+
+
+On the journey the guard is polite and watchful--won't allow anybody to
+get into your compartment--tells them you are just recovering from the
+small-pox and do not like to be disturbed. For the courier has made
+everything right with the guard. At way-stations the courier comes to
+your compartment to see if you want a glass of water, or a newspaper,
+or anything; at eating-stations he sends luncheon out to you, while the
+other people scramble and worry in the dining-rooms. If anything breaks
+about the car you are in, and a station-master proposes to pack you and
+your agent into a compartment with strangers, the courier reveals to him
+confidentially that you are a French duke born deaf and dumb, and the
+official comes and makes affable signs that he has ordered a choice car
+to be added to the train for you.
+
+At custom-houses the multitude file tediously through, hot and
+irritated, and look on while the officers burrow into the trunks and
+make a mess of everything; but you hand your keys to the courier and sit
+still. Perhaps you arrive at your destination in a rain-storm at ten
+at night--you generally do. The multitude spend half an hour verifying
+their baggage and getting it transferred to the omnibuses; but the
+courier puts you into a vehicle without a moment's loss of time, and
+when you reach your hotel you find your rooms have been secured two or
+three days in advance, everything is ready, you can go at once to bed.
+Some of those other people will have to drift around to two or three
+hotels, in the rain, before they find accommodations.
+
+I have not set down half of the virtues that are vested in a good
+courier, but I think I have set down a sufficiency of them to show that
+an irritable man who can afford one and does not employ him is not a
+wise economist. My courier was the worst one in Europe, yet he was a
+good deal better than none at all. It could not pay him to be a better
+one than he was, because I could not afford to buy things through him.
+He was a good enough courier for the small amount he got out of his
+service. Yes, to travel with a courier is bliss, to travel without one
+is the reverse.
+
+I have had dealings with some very bad couriers; but I have also had
+dealings with one who might fairly be called perfection. He was a young
+Polander, named Joseph N. Verey. He spoke eight languages, and seemed
+to be equally at home in all of them; he was shrewd, prompt, posted,
+and punctual; he was fertile in resources, and singularly gifted in the
+matter of overcoming difficulties; he not only knew how to do everything
+in his line, but he knew the best ways and the quickest; he was handy
+with children and invalids; all his employer needed to do was to take
+life easy and leave everything to the courier. His address is, care of
+Messrs. Gay & Son, Strand, London; he was formerly a conductor of Gay's
+tourist parties. Excellent couriers are somewhat rare; if the reader is
+about to travel, he will find it to his advantage to make a note of this
+one.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXIII
+
+[We Climb Far--by Buggy]
+
+
+The beautiful Giesbach Fall is near Interlaken, on the other side of
+the lake of Brienz, and is illuminated every night with those gorgeous
+theatrical fires whose name I cannot call just at this moment. This was
+said to be a spectacle which the tourist ought by no means to miss. I
+was strongly tempted, but I could not go there with propriety, because
+one goes in a boat. The task which I had set myself was to walk over
+Europe on foot, not skim over it in a boat. I had made a tacit contract
+with myself; it was my duty to abide by it. I was willing to make boat
+trips for pleasure, but I could not conscientiously make them in the way
+of business.
+
+It cost me something of a pang to lose that fine sight, but I lived down
+the desire, and gained in my self-respect through the triumph. I had
+a finer and a grander sight, however, where I was. This was the mighty
+dome of the Jungfrau softly outlined against the sky and faintly
+silvered by the starlight. There was something subduing in the influence
+of that silent and solemn and awful presence; one seemed to meet the
+immutable, the indestructible, the eternal, face to face, and to feel
+the trivial and fleeting nature of his own existence the more sharply
+by the contrast. One had the sense of being under the brooding
+contemplation of a spirit, not an inert mass of rocks and ice--a spirit
+which had looked down, through the slow drift of the ages, upon a
+million vanished races of men, and judged them; and would judge a
+million more--and still be there, watching, unchanged and unchangeable,
+after all life should be gone and the earth have become a vacant
+desolation.
+
+While I was feeling these things, I was groping, without knowing it,
+toward an understanding of what the spell is which people find in the
+Alps, and in no other mountains--that strange, deep, nameless influence,
+which, once felt, cannot be forgotten--once felt, leaves always
+behind it a restless longing to feel it again--a longing which is like
+homesickness; a grieving, haunting yearning which will plead, implore,
+and persecute till it has its will. I met dozens of people, imaginative
+and unimaginative, cultivated and uncultivated, who had come from far
+countries and roamed through the Swiss Alps year after year--they could
+not explain why. They had come first, they said, out of idle curiosity,
+because everybody talked about it; they had come since because they
+could not help it, and they should keep on coming, while they lived, for
+the same reason; they had tried to break their chains and stay away, but
+it was futile; now, they had no desire to break them. Others came nearer
+formulating what they felt; they said they could find perfect rest and
+peace nowhere else when they were troubled: all frets and worries and
+chafings sank to sleep in the presence of the benignant serenity of the
+Alps; the Great Spirit of the Mountain breathed his own peace upon their
+hurt minds and sore hearts, and healed them; they could not think base
+thoughts or do mean and sordid things here, before the visible throne of
+God.
+
+Down the road a piece was a Kursaal--whatever that may be--and we joined
+the human tide to see what sort of enjoyment it might afford. It was the
+usual open-air concert, in an ornamental garden, with wines, beer, milk,
+whey, grapes, etc.--the whey and the grapes being necessaries of life to
+certain invalids whom physicians cannot repair, and who only continue to
+exist by the grace of whey or grapes. One of these departed spirits told
+me, in a sad and lifeless way, that there is no way for him to live but
+by whey, and dearly, dearly loved whey, he didn't know whey he did, but
+he did. After making this pun he died--that is the whey it served him.
+
+
+
+Some other remains, preserved from decomposition by the grape system,
+told me that the grapes were of a peculiar breed, highly medicinal in
+their nature, and that they were counted out and administered by the
+grape-doctors as methodically as if they were pills. The new patient,
+if very feeble, began with one grape before breakfast, took three
+during breakfast, a couple between meals, five at luncheon, three in the
+afternoon, seven at dinner, four for supper, and part of a grape just
+before going to bed, by way of a general regulator. The quantity was
+gradually and regularly increased, according to the needs and capacities
+of the patient, until by and by you would find him disposing of his one
+grape per second all the day long, and his regular barrel per day.
+
+He said that men cured in this way, and enabled to discard the grape
+system, never afterward got over the habit of talking as if they were
+dictating to a slow amanuensis, because they always made a pause between
+each two words while they sucked the substance out of an imaginary
+grape. He said these were tedious people to talk with. He said that men
+who had been cured by the other process were easily distinguished from
+the rest of mankind because they always tilted their heads back, between
+every two words, and swallowed a swig of imaginary whey. He said it was
+an impressive thing to observe two men, who had been cured by the two
+processes, engaged in conversation--said their pauses and accompanying
+movements were so continuous and regular that a stranger would think
+himself in the presence of a couple of automatic machines. One finds
+out a great many wonderful things, by traveling, if he stumbles upon the
+right person.
+
+I did not remain long at the Kursaal; the music was good enough, but it
+seemed rather tame after the cyclone of that Arkansaw expert. Besides,
+my adventurous spirit had conceived a formidable enterprise--nothing
+less than a trip from Interlaken, by the Gemmi and Visp, clear to
+Zermatt, on foot! So it was necessary to plan the details, and get ready
+for an early start. The courier (this was not the one I have just been
+speaking of) thought that the portier of the hotel would be able to tell
+us how to find our way. And so it turned out. He showed us the whole
+thing, on a relief-map, and we could see our route, with all its
+elevations and depressions, its villages and its rivers, as clearly as
+if we were sailing over it in a balloon. A relief-map is a great thing.
+The portier also wrote down each day's journey and the nightly hotel on
+a piece of paper, and made our course so plain that we should never be
+able to get lost without high-priced outside help.
+
+I put the courier in the care of a gentleman who was going to Lausanne,
+and then we went to bed, after laying out the walking-costumes and
+putting them into condition for instant occupation in the morning.
+
+However, when we came down to breakfast at 8 A.M., it looked so much
+like rain that I hired a two-horse top-buggy for the first third of the
+journey. For two or three hours we jogged along the level road which
+skirts the beautiful lake of Thun, with a dim and dreamlike picture of
+watery expanses and spectral Alpine forms always before us, veiled in
+a mellowing mist. Then a steady downpour set in, and hid everything but
+the nearest objects. We kept the rain out of our faces with umbrellas,
+and away from our bodies with the leather apron of the buggy; but the
+driver sat unsheltered and placidly soaked the weather in and seemed
+to like it. We had the road to ourselves, and I never had a pleasanter
+excursion.
+
+The weather began to clear while we were driving up a valley called the
+Kienthal, and presently a vast black cloud-bank in front of us dissolved
+away and uncurtained the grand proportions and the soaring loftiness of
+the Blumis Alp. It was a sort of breath-taking surprise; for we had not
+supposed there was anything behind that low-hung blanket of sable cloud
+but level valley. What we had been mistaking for fleeting glimpses of
+sky away aloft there, were really patches of the Blumis's snowy crest
+caught through shredded rents in the drifting pall of vapor.
+
+We dined in the inn at Frutigen, and our driver ought to have dined
+there, too, but he would not have had time to dine and get drunk
+both, so he gave his mind to making a masterpiece of the latter, and
+succeeded. A German gentleman and his two young-lady daughters had been
+taking their nooning at the inn, and when they left, just ahead of us,
+it was plain that their driver was as drunk as ours, and as happy
+and good-natured, too, which was saying a good deal. These rascals
+overflowed with attentions and information for their guests, and with
+brotherly love for each other. They tied their reins, and took off
+their coats and hats, so that they might be able to give unencumbered
+attention to conversation and to the gestures necessary for its
+illustration.
+
+
+
+The road was smooth; it led up and over and down a continual succession
+of hills; but it was narrow, the horses were used to it, and could
+not well get out of it anyhow; so why shouldn't the drivers entertain
+themselves and us? The noses of our horses projected sociably into the
+rear of the forward carriage, and as we toiled up the long hills our
+driver stood up and talked to his friend, and his friend stood up and
+talked back to him, with his rear to the scenery. When the top was
+reached and we went flying down the other side, there was no change
+in the program. I carry in my memory yet the picture of that forward
+driver, on his knees on his high seat, resting his elbows on its back,
+and beaming down on his passengers, with happy eye, and flying hair, and
+jolly red face, and offering his card to the old German gentleman while
+he praised his hack and horses, and both teams were whizzing down a
+long hill with nobody in a position to tell whether we were bound to
+destruction or an undeserved safety.
+
+Toward sunset we entered a beautiful green valley dotted with chalets, a
+cozy little domain hidden away from the busy world in a cloistered nook
+among giant precipices topped with snowy peaks that seemed to float like
+islands above the curling surf of the sea of vapor that severed them
+from the lower world. Down from vague and vaporous heights, little
+ruffled zigzag milky currents came crawling, and found their way to the
+verge of one of those tremendous overhanging walls, whence they plunged,
+a shaft of silver, shivered to atoms in mid-descent and turned to an air
+puff of luminous dust. Here and there, in grooved depressions among the
+snowy desolations of the upper altitudes, one glimpsed the extremity of
+a glacier, with its sea-green and honeycombed battlements of ice.
+
+
+
+Up the valley, under a dizzy precipice, nestled the village of
+Kandersteg, our halting-place for the night. We were soon there, and
+housed in the hotel. But the waning day had such an inviting influence
+that we did not remain housed many moments, but struck out and followed
+a roaring torrent of ice-water up to its far source in a sort of little
+grass-carpeted parlor, walled in all around by vast precipices and
+overlooked by clustering summits of ice. This was the snuggest little
+croquet-ground imaginable; it was perfectly level, and not more than a
+mile long by half a mile wide. The walls around it were so gigantic, and
+everything about it was on so mighty a scale that it was belittled, by
+contrast, to what I have likened it to--a cozy and carpeted parlor. It
+was so high above the Kandersteg valley that there was nothing between
+it and the snowy-peaks. I had never been in such intimate relations with
+the high altitudes before; the snow-peaks had always been remote and
+unapproachable grandeurs, hitherto, but now we were hob-a-nob--if one
+may use such a seemingly irreverent expression about creations so august
+as these.
+
+We could see the streams which fed the torrent we had followed issuing
+from under the greenish ramparts of glaciers; but two or three of these,
+instead of flowing over the precipices, sank down into the rock and
+sprang in big jets out of holes in the mid-face of the walls.
+
+
+
+The green nook which I have been describing is called the Gasternthal.
+The glacier streams gather and flow through it in a broad and rushing
+brook to a narrow cleft between lofty precipices; here the rushing
+brook becomes a mad torrent and goes booming and thundering down
+toward Kandersteg, lashing and thrashing its way over and among monster
+boulders, and hurling chance roots and logs about like straws. There
+was no lack of cascades along this route. The path by the side of
+the torrent was so narrow that one had to look sharp, when he heard a
+cow-bell, and hunt for a place that was wide enough to accommodate a cow
+and a Christian side by side, and such places were not always to be had
+at an instant's notice. The cows wear church-bells, and that is a
+good idea in the cows, for where that torrent is, you couldn't hear
+an ordinary cow-bell any further than you could hear the ticking of a
+watch.
+
+I needed exercise, so I employed my agent in setting stranded logs and
+dead trees adrift, and I sat on a boulder and watched them go whirling
+and leaping head over heels down the boiling torrent. It was a
+wonderfully exhilarating spectacle. When I had had enough exercise, I
+made the agent take some, by running a race with one of those logs. I
+made a trifle by betting on the log.
+
+
+
+After dinner we had a walk up and down the Kandersteg valley, in the
+soft gloaming, with the spectacle of the dying lights of day playing
+about the crests and pinnacles of the still and solemn upper realm
+for contrast, and text for talk. There were no sounds but the dulled
+complaining of the torrent and the occasional tinkling of a distant
+bell. The spirit of the place was a sense of deep, pervading peace; one
+might dream his life tranquilly away there, and not miss it or mind it
+when it was gone.
+
+The summer departed with the sun, and winter came with the stars. It
+grew to be a bitter night in that little hotel, backed up against a
+precipice that had no visible top to it, but we kept warm, and woke in
+time in the morning to find that everybody else had left for Gemmi
+three hours before--so our little plan of helping that German family
+(principally the old man) over the pass, was a blocked generosity.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXIV
+
+[The World's Highest Pig Farm]
+
+
+We hired the only guide left, to lead us on our way. He was over
+seventy, but he could have given me nine-tenths of his strength and
+still had all his age entitled him to. He shouldered our satchels,
+overcoats, and alpenstocks, and we set out up the steep path. It was hot
+work. The old man soon begged us to hand over our coats and waistcoats
+to him to carry, too, and we did it; one could not refuse so little a
+thing to a poor old man like that; he should have had them if he had
+been a hundred and fifty.
+
+When we began that ascent, we could see a microscopic chalet perched
+away up against heaven on what seemed to be the highest mountain near
+us. It was on our right, across the narrow head of the valley. But when
+we got up abreast it on its own level, mountains were towering high
+above on every hand, and we saw that its altitude was just about that of
+the little Gasternthal which we had visited the evening before. Still it
+seemed a long way up in the air, in that waste and lonely wilderness of
+rocks. It had an unfenced grass-plot in front of it which seemed about
+as big as a billiard-table, and this grass-plot slanted so sharply
+downward, and was so brief, and ended so exceedingly soon at the verge
+of the absolute precipice, that it was a shuddery thing to think of a
+person's venturing to trust his foot on an incline so situated at all.
+Suppose a man stepped on an orange peel in that yard; there would be
+nothing for him to seize; nothing could keep him from rolling; five
+revolutions would bring him to the edge, and over he would go.
+
+
+
+What a frightful distance he would fall!--for there are very few birds
+that fly as high as his starting-point. He would strike and bounce, two
+or three times, on his way down, but this would be no advantage to him.
+I would as soon take an airing on the slant of a rainbow as in such
+a front yard. I would rather, in fact, for the distance down would be
+about the same, and it is pleasanter to slide than to bounce. I could
+not see how the peasants got up to that chalet--the region seemed too
+steep for anything but a balloon.
+
+As we strolled on, climbing up higher and higher, we were continually
+bringing neighboring peaks into view and lofty prominence which had been
+hidden behind lower peaks before; so by and by, while standing before a
+group of these giants, we looked around for the chalet again; there it
+was, away down below us, apparently on an inconspicuous ridge in the
+valley! It was as far below us, now, as it had been above us when we
+were beginning the ascent.
+
+After a while the path led us along a railed precipice, and we looked
+over--far beneath us was the snug parlor again, the little Gasternthal,
+with its water jets spouting from the face of its rock walls. We could
+have dropped a stone into it. We had been finding the top of the world
+all along--and always finding a still higher top stealing into view in
+a disappointing way just ahead; when we looked down into the Gasternthal
+we felt pretty sure that we had reached the genuine top at last, but it
+was not so; there were much higher altitudes to be scaled yet. We were
+still in the pleasant shade of forest trees, we were still in a region
+which was cushioned with beautiful mosses and aglow with the many-tinted
+luster of innumerable wild flowers.
+
+We found, indeed, more interest in the wild flowers than in anything
+else. We gathered a specimen or two of every kind which we were
+unacquainted with; so we had sumptuous bouquets. But one of the chief
+interests lay in chasing the seasons of the year up the mountain, and
+determining them by the presence of flowers and berries which we were
+acquainted with. For instance, it was the end of August at the level
+of the sea; in the Kandersteg valley at the base of the pass, we found
+flowers which would not be due at the sea-level for two or three weeks;
+higher up, we entered October, and gathered fringed gentians. I made
+no notes, and have forgotten the details, but the construction of the
+floral calendar was very entertaining while it lasted.
+
+
+
+In the high regions we found rich store of the splendid red flower
+called the Alpine rose, but we did not find any examples of the ugly
+Swiss favorite called Edelweiss. Its name seems to indicate that it is a
+noble flower and that it is white. It may be noble enough, but it is not
+attractive, and it is not white. The fuzzy blossom is the color of bad
+cigar ashes, and appears to be made of a cheap quality of gray plush. It
+has a noble and distant way of confining itself to the high altitudes,
+but that is probably on account of its looks; it apparently has no
+monopoly of those upper altitudes, however, for they are sometimes
+intruded upon by some of the loveliest of the valley families of wild
+flowers. Everybody in the Alps wears a sprig of Edelweiss in his hat. It
+is the native's pet, and also the tourist's.
+
+All the morning, as we loafed along, having a good time, other
+pedestrians went staving by us with vigorous strides, and with the
+intent and determined look of men who were walking for a wager. These
+wore loose knee-breeches, long yarn stockings, and hobnailed high-laced
+walking-shoes. They were gentlemen who would go home to England or
+Germany and tell how many miles they had beaten the guide-book every
+day. But I doubted if they ever had much real fun, outside of the mere
+magnificent exhilaration of the tramp through the green valleys and the
+breezy heights; for they were almost always alone, and even the finest
+scenery loses incalculably when there is no one to enjoy it with.
+
+All the morning an endless double procession of mule-mounted tourists
+filed past us along the narrow path--the one procession going, the
+other coming. We had taken a good deal of trouble to teach ourselves the
+kindly German custom of saluting all strangers with doffed hat, and we
+resolutely clung to it, that morning, although it kept us bareheaded
+most of the time and was not always responded to. Still we found an
+interest in the thing, because we naturally liked to know who were
+English and Americans among the passers-by. All continental natives
+responded of course; so did some of the English and Americans, but, as
+a general thing, these two races gave no sign. Whenever a man or a woman
+showed us cold neglect, we spoke up confidently in our own tongue and
+asked for such information as we happened to need, and we always got a
+reply in the same language. The English and American folk are not less
+kindly than other races, they are only more reserved, and that comes of
+habit and education. In one dreary, rocky waste, away above the line of
+vegetation, we met a procession of twenty-five mounted young men, all
+from America. We got answering bows enough from these, of course, for
+they were of an age to learn to do in Rome as Rome does, without much
+effort.
+
+At one extremity of this patch of desolation, overhung by bare and
+forbidding crags which husbanded drifts of everlasting snow in their
+shaded cavities, was a small stretch of thin and discouraged grass, and
+a man and a family of pigs were actually living here in some shanties.
+Consequently this place could be really reckoned as "property"; it had
+a money value, and was doubtless taxed. I think it must have marked
+the limit of real estate in this world. It would be hard to set a money
+value upon any piece of earth that lies between that spot and the empty
+realm of space. That man may claim the distinction of owning the end
+of the world, for if there is any definite end to the world he has
+certainly found it.
+
+
+
+From here forward we moved through a storm-swept and smileless
+desolation. All about us rose gigantic masses, crags, and ramparts of
+bare and dreary rock, with not a vestige or semblance of plant or tree
+or flower anywhere, or glimpse of any creature that had life. The frost
+and the tempests of unnumbered ages had battered and hacked at these
+cliffs, with a deathless energy, destroying them piecemeal; so all the
+region about their bases was a tumbled chaos of great fragments which
+had been split off and hurled to the ground. Soiled and aged banks of
+snow lay close about our path. The ghastly desolation of the place was
+as tremendously complete as if Doré had furnished the working-plans
+for it. But every now and then, through the stern gateways around us
+we caught a view of some neighboring majestic dome, sheathed with
+glittering ice, and displaying its white purity at an elevation compared
+to which ours was groveling and plebeian, and this spectacle always
+chained one's interest and admiration at once, and made him forget there
+was anything ugly in the world.
+
+I have just said that there was nothing but death and desolation in
+these hideous places, but I forgot. In the most forlorn and arid and
+dismal one of all, where the racked and splintered debris was thickest,
+where the ancient patches of snow lay against the very path, where
+the winds blew bitterest and the general aspect was mournfulest and
+dreariest, and furthest from any suggestion of cheer or hope, I found
+a solitary wee forget-me-not flourishing away, not a droop about it
+anywhere, but holding its bright blue star up with the prettiest and
+gallantest air in the world, the only happy spirit, the only smiling
+thing, in all that grisly desert. She seemed to say, "Cheer up!--as long
+as we are here, let us make the best of it." I judged she had earned a
+right to a more hospitable place; so I plucked her up and sent her to
+America to a friend who would respect her for the fight she had made,
+all by her small self, to make a whole vast despondent Alpine desolation
+stop breaking its heart over the unalterable, and hold up its head and
+look at the bright side of things for once.
+
+
+
+We stopped for a nooning at a strongly built little inn called the
+Schwarenbach. It sits in a lonely spot among the peaks, where it is
+swept by the trailing fringes of the cloud-rack, and is rained on, and
+snowed on, and pelted and persecuted by the storms, nearly every day of
+its life. It was the only habitation in the whole Gemmi Pass.
+
+Close at hand, now, was a chance for a blood-curdling Alpine adventure.
+Close at hand was the snowy mass of the Great Altels cooling its topknot
+in the sky and daring us to an ascent. I was fired with the idea, and
+immediately made up my mind to procure the necessary guides, ropes,
+etc., and undertake it. I instructed Harris to go to the landlord of the
+inn and set him about our preparations. Meantime, I went diligently to
+work to read up and find out what this much-talked-of mountain-climbing
+was like, and how one should go about it--for in these matters I
+was ignorant. I opened Mr. Hinchliff's SUMMER MONTHS AMONG THE ALPS
+(published 1857), and selected his account of his ascent of Monte Rosa.
+
+It began:
+
+"It is very difficult to free the mind from excitement on the evening
+before a grand expedition--"
+
+I saw that I was too calm; so I walked the room a while and worked
+myself into a high excitement; but the book's next remark --that the
+adventurer must get up at two in the morning--came as near as anything
+to flatting it all out again. However, I reinforced it, and read on,
+about how Mr. Hinchliff dressed by candle-light and was "soon down among
+the guides, who were bustling about in the passage, packing provisions,
+and making every preparation for the start"; and how he glanced out into
+the cold clear night and saw that--
+
+
+
+"The whole sky was blazing with stars, larger and brighter than they
+appear through the dense atmosphere breathed by inhabitants of the lower
+parts of the earth. They seemed actually suspended from the dark vault
+of heaven, and their gentle light shed a fairylike gleam over the
+snow-fields around the foot of the Matterhorn, which raised its
+stupendous pinnacle on high, penetrating to the heart of the Great Bear,
+and crowning itself with a diadem of his magnificent stars. Not a sound
+disturbed the deep tranquillity of the night, except the distant roar
+of streams which rush from the high plateau of the St. Theodule glacier,
+and fall headlong over precipitous rocks till they lose themselves in
+the mazes of the Gorner glacier."
+
+He took his hot toast and coffee, and then about half past three his
+caravan of ten men filed away from the Riffel Hotel, and began the steep
+climb. At half past five he happened to turn around, and "beheld the
+glorious spectacle of the Matterhorn, just touched by the rosy-fingered
+morning, and looking like a huge pyramid of fire rising out of the
+barren ocean of ice and rock around it." Then the Breithorn and the Dent
+Blanche caught the radiant glow; but "the intervening mass of Monte Rosa
+made it necessary for us to climb many long hours before we could hope
+to see the sun himself, yet the whole air soon grew warmer after the
+splendid birth of the day."
+
+He gazed at the lofty crown of Monte Rosa and the wastes of snow that
+guarded its steep approaches, and the chief guide delivered the opinion
+that no man could conquer their awful heights and put his foot upon that
+summit. But the adventurers moved steadily on, nevertheless.
+
+They toiled up, and up, and still up; they passed the Grand Plateau;
+then toiled up a steep shoulder of the mountain, clinging like flies to
+its rugged face; and now they were confronted by a tremendous wall
+from which great blocks of ice and snow were evidently in the habit of
+falling. They turned aside to skirt this wall, and gradually ascended
+until their way was barred by a "maze of gigantic snow crevices,"--so
+they turned aside again, and "began a long climb of sufficient steepness
+to make a zigzag course necessary."
+
+
+
+Fatigue compelled them to halt frequently, for a moment or two. At one
+of these halts somebody called out, "Look at Mont Blanc!" and "we were
+at once made aware of the very great height we had attained by actually
+seeing the monarch of the Alps and his attendant satellites right over
+the top of the Breithorn, itself at least 14,000 feet high!"
+
+These people moved in single file, and were all tied to a strong rope,
+at regular distances apart, so that if one of them slipped on those
+giddy heights, the others could brace themselves on their alpenstocks
+and save him from darting into the valley, thousands of feet below. By
+and by they came to an ice-coated ridge which was tilted up at a sharp
+angle, and had a precipice on one side of it. They had to climb this, so
+the guide in the lead cut steps in the ice with his hatchet, and as fast
+as he took his toes out of one of these slight holes, the toes of the
+man behind him occupied it.
+
+
+
+"Slowly and steadily we kept on our way over this dangerous part of the
+ascent, and I dare say it was fortunate for some of us that attention
+was distracted from the head by the paramount necessity of looking after
+the feet; FOR, WHILE ON THE LEFT THE INCLINE OF ICE WAS SO STEEP THAT
+IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ANY MAN TO SAVE HIMSELF IN CASE OF A SLIP,
+UNLESS THE OTHERS COULD HOLD HIM UP, ON THE RIGHT WE MIGHT DROP A PEBBLE
+FROM THE HAND OVER PRECIPICES OF UNKNOWN EXTENT DOWN UPON THE TREMENDOUS
+GLACIER BELOW.
+
+"Great caution, therefore, was absolutely necessary, and in this exposed
+situation we were attacked by all the fury of that grand enemy of
+aspirants to Monte Rosa--a severe and bitterly cold wind from the north.
+The fine powdery snow was driven past us in the clouds, penetrating the
+interstices of our clothes, and the pieces of ice which flew from the
+blows of Peter's ax were whisked into the air, and then dashed over the
+precipice. We had quite enough to do to prevent ourselves from being
+served in the same ruthless fashion, and now and then, in the more
+violent gusts of wind, were glad to stick our alpenstocks into the ice
+and hold on hard."
+
+Having surmounted this perilous steep, they sat down and took a brief
+rest with their backs against a sheltering rock and their heels dangling
+over a bottomless abyss; then they climbed to the base of another
+ridge--a more difficult and dangerous one still:
+
+"The whole of the ridge was exceedingly narrow, and the fall on each
+side desperately steep, but the ice in some of these intervals between
+the masses of rock assumed the form of a mere sharp edge, almost like a
+knife; these places, though not more than three or four short paces
+in length, looked uncommonly awkward; but, like the sword leading true
+believers to the gates of Paradise, they must needs be passed before
+we could attain to the summit of our ambition. These were in one or two
+places so narrow, that in stepping over them with toes well turned
+out for greater security, ONE END OF THE FOOT PROJECTED OVER THE AWFUL
+PRECIPICE ON THE RIGHT, WHILE THE OTHER WAS ON THE BEGINNING OF THE
+ICE SLOPE ON THE LEFT, WHICH WAS SCARCELY LESS STEEP THAN THE ROCKS. On
+these occasions Peter would take my hand, and each of us stretching as
+far as we could, he was thus enabled to get a firm footing two paces
+or rather more from me, whence a spring would probably bring him to the
+rock on the other side; then, turning around, he called to me to come,
+and, taking a couple of steps carefully, I was met at the third by his
+outstretched hand ready to clasp mine, and in a moment stood by his
+side. The others followed in much the same fashion. Once my right foot
+slipped on the side toward the precipice, but I threw out my left arm in
+a moment so that it caught the icy edge under my armpit as I fell, and
+supported me considerably; at the same instant I cast my eyes down the
+side on which I had slipped, and contrived to plant my right foot on
+a piece of rock as large as a cricket-ball, which chanced to protrude
+through the ice, on the very edge of the precipice. Being thus anchored
+fore and aft, as it were, I believe I could easily have recovered
+myself, even if I had been alone, though it must be confessed the
+situation would have been an awful one; as it was, however, a jerk from
+Peter settled the matter very soon, and I was on my legs all right in an
+instant. The rope is an immense help in places of this kind."
+
+
+
+Now they arrived at the base of a great knob or dome veneered with ice
+and powdered with snow--the utmost, summit, the last bit of solidity
+between them and the hollow vault of heaven. They set to work with their
+hatchets, and were soon creeping, insectlike, up its surface, with their
+heels projecting over the thinnest kind of nothingness, thickened up a
+little with a few wandering shreds and films of cloud moving in a lazy
+procession far below. Presently, one man's toe-hold broke and he fell!
+There he dangled in mid-air at the end of the rope, like a spider, till
+his friends above hauled him into place again.
+
+A little bit later, the party stood upon the wee pedestal of the very
+summit, in a driving wind, and looked out upon the vast green expanses
+of Italy and a shoreless ocean of billowy Alps.
+
+When I had read thus far, Harris broke into the room in a noble
+excitement and said the ropes and the guides were secured, and asked if
+I was ready. I said I believed I wouldn't ascend the Altels this time. I
+said Alp-climbing was a different thing from what I had supposed it was,
+and so I judged we had better study its points a little more before we
+went definitely into it. But I told him to retain the guides and order
+them to follow us to Zermatt, because I meant to use them there. I said
+I could feel the spirit of adventure beginning to stir in me, and was
+sure that the fell fascination of Alp-climbing would soon be upon me. I
+said he could make up his mind to it that we would do a deed before
+we were a week older which would make the hair of the timid curl with
+fright.
+
+This made Harris happy, and filled him with ambitious anticipations. He
+went at once to tell the guides to follow us to Zermatt and bring all
+their paraphernalia with them.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXV
+
+[Swindling the Coroner]
+
+
+A great and priceless thing is a new interest! How it takes possession
+of a man! how it clings to him, how it rides him! I strode onward from
+the Schwarenbach hostelry a changed man, a reorganized personality. I
+walked into a new world, I saw with new eyes. I had been looking
+aloft at the giant show-peaks only as things to be worshiped for their
+grandeur and magnitude, and their unspeakable grace of form; I looked
+up at them now, as also things to be conquered and climbed. My sense of
+their grandeur and their noble beauty was neither lost nor impaired; I
+had gained a new interest in the mountains without losing the old ones.
+I followed the steep lines up, inch by inch, with my eye, and noted the
+possibility or impossibility of following them with my feet. When I saw
+a shining helmet of ice projecting above the clouds, I tried to imagine
+I saw files of black specks toiling up it roped together with a gossamer
+thread.
+
+We skirted the lonely little lake called the Daubensee, and presently
+passed close by a glacier on the right--a thing like a great river
+frozen solid in its flow and broken square off like a wall at its mouth.
+I had never been so near a glacier before.
+
+Here we came upon a new board shanty, and found some men engaged in
+building a stone house; so the Schwarenbach was soon to have a rival. We
+bought a bottle or so of beer here; at any rate they called it beer, but
+I knew by the price that it was dissolved jewelry, and I perceived by
+the taste that dissolved jewelry is not good stuff to drink.
+
+
+
+We were surrounded by a hideous desolation. We stepped forward to a sort
+of jumping-off place, and were confronted by a startling contrast: we
+seemed to look down into fairyland. Two or three thousand feet below us
+was a bright green level, with a pretty town in its midst, and a silvery
+stream winding among the meadows; the charming spot was walled in on all
+sides by gigantic precipices clothed with pines; and over the pines, out
+of the softened distances, rose the snowy domes and peaks of the Monte
+Rosa region. How exquisitely green and beautiful that little valley down
+there was! The distance was not great enough to obliterate details, it
+only made them little, and mellow, and dainty, like landscapes and towns
+seen through the wrong end of a spy-glass.
+
+Right under us a narrow ledge rose up out of the valley, with a green,
+slanting, bench-shaped top, and grouped about upon this green-baize
+bench were a lot of black and white sheep which looked merely like
+oversized worms. The bench seemed lifted well up into our neighborhood,
+but that was a deception--it was a long way down to it.
+
+
+
+We began our descent, now, by the most remarkable road I have ever seen.
+It wound its corkscrew curves down the face of the colossal precipice--a
+narrow way, with always the solid rock wall at one elbow, and
+perpendicular nothingness at the other. We met an everlasting procession
+of guides, porters, mules, litters, and tourists climbing up this steep
+and muddy path, and there was no room to spare when you had to pass a
+tolerably fat mule. I always took the inside, when I heard or saw the
+mule coming, and flattened myself against the wall. I preferred the
+inside, of course, but I should have had to take it anyhow, because
+the mule prefers the outside. A mule's preference--on a precipice--is a
+thing to be respected. Well, his choice is always the outside. His life
+is mostly devoted to carrying bulky panniers and packages which rest
+against his body--therefore he is habituated to taking the outside edge
+of mountain paths, to keep his bundles from rubbing against rocks or
+banks on the other. When he goes into the passenger business he absurdly
+clings to his old habit, and keeps one leg of his passenger always
+dangling over the great deeps of the lower world while that passenger's
+heart is in the highlands, so to speak. More than once I saw a mule's
+hind foot cave over the outer edge and send earth and rubbish into the
+bottom abyss; and I noticed that upon these occasions the rider, whether
+male or female, looked tolerably unwell.
+
+There was one place where an eighteen-inch breadth of light masonry had
+been added to the verge of the path, and as there was a very sharp
+turn here, a panel of fencing had been set up there at some time, as
+a protection. This panel was old and gray and feeble, and the light
+masonry had been loosened by recent rains. A young American girl came
+along on a mule, and in making the turn the mule's hind foot caved all
+the loose masonry and one of the fence-posts overboard; the mule gave a
+violent lurch inboard to save himself, and succeeded in the effort, but
+that girl turned as white as the snows of Mont Blanc for a moment.
+
+
+
+The path was simply a groove cut into the face of the precipice; there
+was a four-foot breadth of solid rock under the traveler, and four-foot
+breadth of solid rock just above his head, like the roof of a narrow
+porch; he could look out from this gallery and see a sheer summitless
+and bottomless wall of rock before him, across a gorge or crack a
+biscuit's toss in width--but he could not see the bottom of his own
+precipice unless he lay down and projected his nose over the edge. I did
+not do this, because I did not wish to soil my clothes.
+
+Every few hundred yards, at particularly bad places, one came across
+a panel or so of plank fencing; but they were always old and weak,
+and they generally leaned out over the chasm and did not make any rash
+promises to hold up people who might need support. There was one of
+these panels which had only its upper board left; a pedestrianizing
+English youth came tearing down the path, was seized with an impulse to
+look over the precipice, and without an instant's thought he threw his
+weight upon that crazy board. It bent outward a foot! I never made a
+gasp before that came so near suffocating me. The English youth's face
+simply showed a lively surprise, but nothing more. He went swinging
+along valleyward again, as if he did not know he had just swindled a
+coroner by the closest kind of a shave.
+
+The Alpine litter is sometimes like a cushioned box made fast between
+the middles of two long poles, and sometimes it is a chair with a back
+to it and a support for the feet. It is carried by relays of strong
+porters. The motion is easier than that of any other conveyance. We met
+a few men and a great many ladies in litters; it seemed to me that most
+of the ladies looked pale and nauseated; their general aspect gave me
+the idea that they were patiently enduring a horrible suffering. As a
+rule, they looked at their laps, and left the scenery to take care of
+itself.
+
+
+
+But the most frightened creature I saw, was a led horse that overtook
+us. Poor fellow, he had been born and reared in the grassy levels of the
+Kandersteg valley and had never seen anything like this hideous place
+before. Every few steps he would stop short, glance wildly out from
+the dizzy height, and then spread his red nostrils wide and pant as
+violently as if he had been running a race; and all the while he quaked
+from head to heel as with a palsy. He was a handsome fellow, and he
+made a fine statuesque picture of terror, but it was pitiful to see him
+suffer so.
+
+
+
+This dreadful path has had its tragedy. Baedeker, with his customary
+over terseness, begins and ends the tale thus:
+
+"The descent on horseback should be avoided. In 1861 a Comtesse
+d'Herlincourt fell from her saddle over the precipice and was killed on
+the spot."
+
+We looked over the precipice there, and saw the monument which
+commemorates the event. It stands in the bottom of the gorge, in a place
+which has been hollowed out of the rock to protect it from the torrent
+and the storms. Our old guide never spoke but when spoken to, and then
+limited himself to a syllable or two, but when we asked him about this
+tragedy he showed a strong interest in the matter. He said the Countess
+was very pretty, and very young--hardly out of her girlhood, in fact.
+She was newly married, and was on her bridal tour. The young husband was
+riding a little in advance; one guide was leading the husband's horse,
+another was leading the bride's.
+
+The old man continued:
+
+"The guide that was leading the husband's horse happened to glance back,
+and there was that poor young thing sitting up staring out over the
+precipice; and her face began to bend downward a little, and she put
+up her two hands slowly and met it--so,--and put them flat against her
+eyes--so--and then she sank out of the saddle, with a sharp shriek, and
+one caught only the flash of a dress, and it was all over."
+
+
+
+Then after a pause:
+
+"Ah, yes, that guide saw these things--yes, he saw them all. He saw them
+all, just as I have told you."
+
+After another pause:
+
+"Ah, yes, he saw them all. My God, that was ME. I was that guide!"
+
+This had been the one event of the old man's life; so one may be sure he
+had forgotten no detail connected with it. We listened to all he had to
+say about what was done and what happened and what was said after the
+sorrowful occurrence, and a painful story it was.
+
+When we had wound down toward the valley until we were about on the last
+spiral of the corkscrew, Harris's hat blew over the last remaining
+bit of precipice--a small cliff a hundred or hundred and fifty feet
+high--and sailed down toward a steep slant composed of rough chips and
+fragments which the weather had flaked away from the precipices. We went
+leisurely down there, expecting to find it without any trouble, but we
+had made a mistake, as to that. We hunted during a couple of hours--not
+because the old straw hat was valuable, but out of curiosity to find
+out how such a thing could manage to conceal itself in open ground where
+there was nothing left for it to hide behind. When one is reading in
+bed, and lays his paper-knife down, he cannot find it again if it is
+smaller than a saber; that hat was as stubborn as any paper-knife could
+have been, and we finally had to give it up; but we found a fragment
+that had once belonged to an opera-glass, and by digging around and
+turning over the rocks we gradually collected all the lenses and the
+cylinders and the various odds and ends that go to making up a complete
+opera-glass. We afterward had the thing reconstructed, and the owner can
+have his adventurous lost-property by submitting proofs and paying costs
+of rehabilitation. We had hopes of finding the owner there, distributed
+around amongst the rocks, for it would have made an elegant paragraph;
+but we were disappointed. Still, we were far from being disheartened,
+for there was a considerable area which we had not thoroughly searched;
+we were satisfied he was there, somewhere, so we resolved to wait over a
+day at Leuk and come back and get him.
+
+Then we sat down to polish off the perspiration and arrange about what
+we would do with him when we got him. Harris was for contributing him to
+the British Museum; but I was for mailing him to his widow. That is the
+difference between Harris and me: Harris is all for display, I am all
+for the simple right, even though I lose money by it. Harris argued in
+favor of his proposition against mine, I argued in favor of mine and
+against his. The discussion warmed into a dispute; the dispute warmed
+into a quarrel. I finally said, very decidedly:
+
+"My mind is made up. He goes to the widow."
+
+Harris answered sharply:
+
+"And MY mind is made up. He goes to the Museum."
+
+I said, calmly:
+
+"The museum may whistle when it gets him."
+
+Harris retorted:
+
+"The widow may save herself the trouble of whistling, for I will see
+that she never gets him."
+
+After some angry bandying of epithets, I said:
+
+"It seems to me that you are taking on a good many airs about these
+remains. I don't quite see what YOU'VE got to say about them?"
+
+"I? I've got ALL to say about them. They'd never have been thought of if
+I hadn't found their opera-glass. The corpse belongs to me, and I'll do
+as I please with him."
+
+I was leader of the Expedition, and all discoveries achieved by it
+naturally belonged to me. I was entitled to these remains, and could
+have enforced my right; but rather than have bad blood about the matter,
+I said we would toss up for them. I threw heads and won, but it was a
+barren victory, for although we spent all the next day searching, we
+never found a bone. I cannot imagine what could ever have become of that
+fellow.
+
+The town in the valley is called Leuk or Leukerbad. We pointed our
+course toward it, down a verdant slope which was adorned with fringed
+gentians and other flowers, and presently entered the narrow alleys of
+the outskirts and waded toward the middle of the town through liquid
+"fertilizer." They ought to either pave that village or organize a
+ferry.
+
+Harris's body was simply a chamois-pasture; his person was populous with
+the little hungry pests; his skin, when he stripped, was splotched like
+a scarlet-fever patient's; so, when we were about to enter one of the
+Leukerbad inns, and he noticed its sign, "Chamois Hotel," he refused to
+stop there. He said the chamois was plentiful enough, without hunting
+up hotels where they made a specialty of it. I was indifferent, for the
+chamois is a creature that will neither bite me nor abide with me; but
+to calm Harris, we went to the Hôtel des Alpes.
+
+At the table d'hôte, we had this, for an incident. A very grave man--in
+fact his gravity amounted to solemnity, and almost to austerity--sat
+opposite us and he was "tight," but doing his best to appear sober. He
+took up a CORKED bottle of wine, tilted it over his glass awhile, then
+set it out of the way, with a contented look, and went on with his
+dinner.
+
+Presently he put his glass to his mouth, and of course found it empty.
+He looked puzzled, and glanced furtively and suspiciously out of the
+corner of his eye at a benignant and unconscious old lady who sat at his
+right. Shook his head, as much as to say, "No, she couldn't have
+done it." He tilted the corked bottle over his glass again, meantime
+searching around with his watery eye to see if anybody was watching him.
+He ate a few mouthfuls, raised his glass to his lips, and of course it
+was still empty. He bent an injured and accusing side-glance upon that
+unconscious old lady, which was a study to see. She went on eating and
+gave no sign. He took up his glass and his bottle, with a wise private
+nod of his head, and set them gravely on the left-hand side of his
+plate--poured himself another imaginary drink--went to work with
+his knife and fork once more--presently lifted his glass with good
+confidence, and found it empty, as usual.
+
+This was almost a petrifying surprise. He straightened himself up in his
+chair and deliberately and sorrowfully inspected the busy old ladies at
+his elbows, first one and then the other. At last he softly pushed his
+plate away, set his glass directly in front of him, held on to it
+with his left hand, and proceeded to pour with his right. This time
+he observed that nothing came. He turned the bottle clear upside down;
+still nothing issued from it; a plaintive look came into his face, and
+he said, as if to himself,
+
+"'IC! THEY'VE GOT IT ALL!" Then he set the bottle down, resignedly, and
+took the rest of his dinner dry.
+
+
+
+It was at that table d'hôte, too, that I had under inspection the
+largest lady I have ever seen in private life. She was over seven feet
+high, and magnificently proportioned. What had first called my attention
+to her, was my stepping on an outlying flange of her foot, and hearing,
+from up toward the ceiling, a deep "Pardon, m'sieu, but you encroach!"
+
+That was when we were coming through the hall, and the place was dim,
+and I could see her only vaguely. The thing which called my attention
+to her the second time was, that at a table beyond ours were two very
+pretty girls, and this great lady came in and sat down between them and
+me and blotted out my view. She had a handsome face, and she was very
+finely formed--perfectly formed, I should say. But she made everybody
+around her look trivial and commonplace. Ladies near her looked like
+children, and the men about her looked mean. They looked like failures;
+and they looked as if they felt so, too. She sat with her back to us. I
+never saw such a back in my life. I would have so liked to see the
+moon rise over it. The whole congregation waited, under one pretext or
+another, till she finished her dinner and went out; they wanted to see
+her at full altitude, and they found it worth tarrying for. She filled
+one's idea of what an empress ought to be, when she rose up in her
+unapproachable grandeur and moved superbly out of that place.
+
+
+
+We were not at Leuk in time to see her at her heaviest weight. She had
+suffered from corpulence and had come there to get rid of her extra
+flesh in the baths. Five weeks of soaking--five uninterrupted hours of
+it every day--had accomplished her purpose and reduced her to the right
+proportions.
+
+
+
+Those baths remove fat, and also skin-diseases. The patients remain in
+the great tanks for hours at a time. A dozen gentlemen and ladies occupy
+a tank together, and amuse themselves with rompings and various games.
+They have floating desks and tables, and they read or lunch or play
+chess in water that is breast-deep. The tourist can step in and view
+this novel spectacle if he chooses. There's a poor-box, and he will have
+to contribute. There are several of these big bathing-houses, and you
+can always tell when you are near one of them by the romping noises and
+shouts of laughter that proceed from it. The water is running water, and
+changes all the time, else a patient with a ringworm might take the bath
+with only a partial success, since, while he was ridding himself of the
+ringworm, he might catch the itch.
+
+
+
+The next morning we wandered back up the green valley, leisurely, with
+the curving walls of those bare and stupendous precipices rising
+into the clouds before us. I had never seen a clean, bare precipice
+stretching up five thousand feet above me before, and I never shall
+expect to see another one. They exist, perhaps, but not in places where
+one can easily get close to them. This pile of stone is peculiar. From
+its base to the soaring tops of its mighty towers, all its lines and all
+its details vaguely suggest human architecture. There are rudimentary
+bow-windows, cornices, chimneys, demarcations of stories, etc. One could
+sit and stare up there and study the features and exquisite graces of
+this grand structure, bit by bit, and day after day, and never weary his
+interest. The termination, toward the town, observed in profile, is the
+perfection of shape. It comes down out of the clouds in a succession of
+rounded, colossal, terracelike projections--a stairway for the gods; at
+its head spring several lofty storm-scarred towers, one after another,
+with faint films of vapor curling always about them like spectral
+banners. If there were a king whose realms included the whole world,
+here would be the place meet and proper for such a monarch. He would
+only need to hollow it out and put in the electric light. He could give
+audience to a nation at a time under its roof.
+
+Our search for those remains having failed, we inspected with a glass
+the dim and distant track of an old-time avalanche that once swept down
+from some pine-grown summits behind the town and swept away the houses
+and buried the people; then we struck down the road that leads toward
+the Rhone, to see the famous Ladders. These perilous things are built
+against the perpendicular face of a cliff two or three hundred feet
+high. The peasants, of both sexes, were climbing up and down them, with
+heavy loads on their backs. I ordered Harris to make the ascent, so I
+could put the thrill and horror of it in my book, and he accomplished
+the feat successfully, through a subagent, for three francs, which I
+paid. It makes me shudder yet when I think of what I felt when I was
+clinging there between heaven and earth in the person of that proxy. At
+times the world swam around me, and I could hardly keep from letting go,
+so dizzying was the appalling danger. Many a person would have given up
+and descended, but I stuck to my task, and would not yield until I had
+accomplished it. I felt a just pride in my exploit, but I would not have
+repeated it for the wealth of the world. I shall break my neck yet with
+some such foolhardy performance, for warnings never seem to have any
+lasting effect on me. When the people of the hotel found that I had
+been climbing those crazy Ladders, it made me an object of considerable
+attention.
+
+Next morning, early, we drove to the Rhone valley and took the train for
+Visp. There we shouldered our knapsacks and things, and set out on foot,
+in a tremendous rain, up the winding gorge, toward Zermatt. Hour after
+hour we slopped along, by the roaring torrent, and under noble Lesser
+Alps which were clothed in rich velvety green all the way up and
+had little atomy Swiss homes perched upon grassy benches along their
+mist-dimmed heights.
+
+The rain continued to pour and the torrent to boom, and we continued
+to enjoy both. At the one spot where this torrent tossed its white mane
+highest, and thundered loudest, and lashed the big boulders fiercest,
+the canton had done itself the honor to build the flimsiest wooden
+bridge that exists in the world. While we were walking over it, along
+with a party of horsemen, I noticed that even the larger raindrops made
+it shake. I called Harris's attention to it, and he noticed it, too.
+It seemed to me that if I owned an elephant that was a keepsake, and I
+thought a good deal of him, I would think twice before I would ride him
+over that bridge.
+
+We climbed up to the village of St. Nicholas, about half past four
+in the afternoon, waded ankle-deep through the fertilizer-juice, and
+stopped at a new and nice hotel close by the little church. We stripped
+and went to bed, and sent our clothes down to be baked. And the horde
+of soaked tourists did the same. That chaos of clothing got mixed in the
+kitchen, and there were consequences.
+
+
+
+I did not get back the same drawers I sent down, when our things came up
+at six-fifteen; I got a pair on a new plan. They were merely a pair
+of white ruffle-cuffed absurdities, hitched together at the top with
+a narrow band, and they did not come quite down to my knees. They were
+pretty enough, but they made me feel like two people, and disconnected
+at that. The man must have been an idiot that got himself up like
+that, to rough it in the Swiss mountains. The shirt they brought me
+was shorter than the drawers, and hadn't any sleeves to it--at least
+it hadn't anything more than what Mr. Darwin would call "rudimentary"
+sleeves; these had "edging" around them, but the bosom was ridiculously
+plain. The knit silk undershirt they brought me was on a new plan, and
+was really a sensible thing; it opened behind, and had pockets in it to
+put your shoulder-blades in; but they did not seem to fit mine, and so
+I found it a sort of uncomfortable garment. They gave my bobtail coat
+to somebody else, and sent me an ulster suitable for a giraffe. I had
+to tie my collar on, because there was no button behind on that foolish
+little shirt which I described a while ago.
+
+When I was dressed for dinner at six-thirty, I was too loose in some
+places and too tight in others, and altogether I felt slovenly and
+ill-conditioned. However, the people at the table d'hôte were no better
+off than I was; they had everybody's clothes but their own on. A
+long stranger recognized his ulster as soon as he saw the tail of it
+following me in, but nobody claimed my shirt or my drawers, though I
+described them as well as I was able. I gave them to the chambermaid
+that night when I went to bed, and she probably found the owner, for my
+own things were on a chair outside my door in the morning.
+
+There was a lovable English clergyman who did not get to the table
+d'hôte at all. His breeches had turned up missing, and without any
+equivalent. He said he was not more particular than other people, but he
+had noticed that a clergyman at dinner without any breeches was almost
+sure to excite remark.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's A Tramp Abroad, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
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+<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN">
+<html>
+<head>
+<title>A TRAMP ABROAD, BY MARK TWAIN, Part 5</title>
+<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1">
+
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+<style type="text/css">
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+    P { text-indent:   1em;
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+
+
+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Tramp Abroad, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: A Tramp Abroad
+       Part 5
+
+Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+Release Date: June 2004 [EBook #5786]
+Posting Date: June 2, 2009
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Anonymous Volunteers, John Greenman and David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+<h2>A TRAMP ABROAD, Part 5</h2>
+
+
+<center>
+<table summary="" cellPadding=4 border=3>
+<tr><td>
+
+
+&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/5785/5785-h/5785-h.htm">Previous Part</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
+</td><td>
+&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/5787/5787-h/5787-h.htm">Next Part</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
+
+
+
+
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+</center>
+
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><a name="cover"></a><img alt="cover.jpg (229K)" src="images/cover.jpg" height="745" width="652">
+</center>
+
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="Portrait"></a><img alt="Portrait.jpg (45K)" src="images/Portrait.jpg" height="1051" width="605">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+
+
+<center><a name="Moses"></a><img alt="Moses.jpg (86K)" src="images/Moses.jpg" height="949" width="565">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+
+
+<center><a name="Titlepage"></a><img alt="Titlepage.jpg (41K)" src="images/Titlepage.jpg" height="1029" width="645">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+
+
+<br><br>
+<center>
+<a name="p016"></a>
+<img alt="p016 (82K)" src="images/p016.jpg" height="817" width="535" />
+</center>
+<br><br>
+
+                   <center> <h1>A TRAMP ABROAD, Part 5.</h1>
+
+                     <h2>By Mark Twain</h2>
+                  <h3>(Samuel L. Clemens)</h3>
+
+                <h3>First published in 1880</h3>
+
+								<h3>Illustrations taken from an 1880 First Edition</h3>
+
+                      * * * * * *
+</center>
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<h2>ILLUSTRATIONS:</h2>
+
+<center>
+<table summary="">
+<tr><td>
+
+
+<br>
+1.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#Portrait">PORTRAIT OF THE AUTHOR</a><br>
+2.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#Moses">TITIAN'S MOSES</a><br>
+3.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p016">THE AUTHOR'S MEMORIES</a><br>
+178.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p302">EXCEEDINGLY COMFORTABLE</a> <br>
+179.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p303">THE SUNRISE</a> <br>
+180.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p305">THE RIGI-KULM</a> <br>
+181.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p307">AN OPTICAL ILLUSION</a> <br>
+182.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p308">TAIL PIECE</a> <br>
+183.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p309">RAILWAY DOWN THE MOUNTAIN</a> <br>
+184.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p313">SOURCE OF THE RHONE</a> <br>
+185.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p314">A GLACIER TABLE</a> <br>
+186.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p317">GLACIER OF GRINDELWALD</a> <br>
+187.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p319">DAWN ON THE MOUNTAINS</a> <br>
+188.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p322">TAIL PIECE</a> <br>
+189.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p324">NEW AND OLD STYLE</a> <br>
+190.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p325">ST NICHOLAS, AS A HERMIT</a> <br>
+191.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p326">A LANDSLIDE</a> <br>
+192.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p327">GOLDAU VALLEY BEFORE AND AFTER THE LANDSLIDE</a> <br>
+193.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p330">THE WAY THEY DO IT</a> <br>
+194.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p331">OUR GALLANT DRIVER</a> <br>
+195.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p333">A MOUNTAIN PASS</a><br>
+196.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p333b">"I'M OFUL DRY"</a> <br>
+197.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p334">IT'S THE FASHION</a> <br>
+198.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p335">WHAT WE EXPECTED</a> <br>
+199.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p338">WE MISSED THE SCENERY</a><br>
+200.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p339">THE TOURISTS</a> <br>
+201.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p341">THE YOUNG BRIDE</a><br>
+202.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p342">"IT WAS A FAMOUS VICTORY</a>  <br>
+203.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p344">PROMENADE IN INTERLAKEN</a><br>
+204.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p346">THE JUNGFRAU BY M.T.</a><br>
+205.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p349">STREET IN INTERLAKEN</a> <br>
+206.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p351">WITHOUT A COURIER</a><br>
+207.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p352">TRAVELING WITH A COURIER</a> <br>
+208.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p354">TAIL PIECE</a> <br>
+209.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p357">GRAPE AND WHEY PATIENTS</a><br>
+210.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p360">SOCIABLE DRIVERS</a> <br>
+211.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p361">A MOUNTAIN CASCADE</a> <br>
+212.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p362">THE GASTERNTHAL</a> <br>
+213.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p363">EXHILARATING SPORT</a> <br>
+214.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p364">FALLS</a> <br>
+215.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p366">WHAT MIGHT BE</a> <br>
+216.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p367">AN ALPINE BOUQUET</a> <br>
+217.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p369">THE END OF THE WORLD</a> <br>
+218.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p371">THE FORGET-ME-NOT</a> <br>
+219.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p373">A NEEDLE OF ICE</a> <br>
+220.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p375">CLIMBING THE MOUNTAIN</a> <br>
+221.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p376">SNOW CREVASSES</a> <br>
+222.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p379">CUTTING STEPS</a> <br>
+223.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p380">THE GUIDE</a> <br>
+224.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p382">VIEW FROM THE CLIFF</a> <br>
+225.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p383">GEMMI PASS AND LAKE DAUBENSEE</a><br>
+226.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p386">ALMOST A TRAGEDY</a> <br>
+227.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p387">THE ALPINE LITTER</a> <br>
+228.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p388">SOCIAL BATHERS</a><br>
+229.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p389">DEATH OF COUNTESS HERLINCOURT</a><br>
+230.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p392">THEY'VE GOT IT ALL</a> <br>
+231.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p393">MODEL FOR AN EMPRESS</a> <br>
+232.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p394">BATH HOUSES AT LEUKE</a><br>
+233.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p395">THE BATHERS AT LEUKE</a> <br>
+234.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p399">RATTIER MIXED UP</a> <br>
+235.&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="#p400">TAIL PIECE</a> <br>
+
+
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+</center>
+
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<h2>CONTENTS:</h2>
+
+
+
+<blockquote><blockquote><blockquote><blockquote>
+<a href="#ch29">CHAPTER XXIX</a>
+<br>
+Everything Convenient&mdash;Looking for a Western Sunrise&mdash;Mutual
+Recrimination&mdash;View from the Summit&mdash;Down the
+Mountain&mdash;Railroading&mdash;Confidence Wanted and Acquired
+<br><br>
+<a href="#ch30">CHAPTER XXX</a>
+<br>
+A Trip by Proxy&mdash;A Visit to the Furka Regions&mdash;Deadman's
+Lake&mdash;Source of the Rhone&mdash;Glacier Tables&mdash;Storm in the
+Mountains&mdash;At Grindelwald&mdash;Dawn on the Mountains&mdash;An Explanation
+Required&mdash;Dead Language&mdash;Criticism of Harris's Report
+<br><br>
+<a href="#ch31">CHAPTER XXXI</a>
+<br>
+Preparations for a Tramp&mdash;From Lucerne to Interlaken&mdash;The Brunig
+Pass&mdash;Modern and Ancient Chalets&mdash;Death of Pontius
+Pilate&mdash;Hermit Home of St Nicholas&mdash;Landslides&mdash;Children Selling
+Refreshments&mdash;How they Harness a Horse&mdash;A Great Man&mdash;Honors
+to a Hero&mdash;A Thirsty Bride&mdash;For Better or Worse&mdash;German
+Fashions&mdash;Anticipations&mdash;Solid Comfort&mdash;An Unsatisfactory \
+Awakening&mdash;What we had Lost&mdash;Our Surroundings
+<br><br>
+<a href="#ch32">CHAPTER XXXII</a>
+<br>
+The Jungfrau Hotel&mdash;A Whiskered Waitress&mdash;An Arkansas
+Bride&mdash;Perfection in Discord&mdash;A Famous Victory&mdash;A Look from a
+Window&mdash;About the Jungfrau
+<br><br>
+<a href="#ch33">CHAPTER XXXIII</a>
+<br>
+The Giesbach Falls&mdash;The Spirit of the Alps&mdash;Why People Visit
+Them&mdash;Whey and Grapes as Medicines&mdash;The Kursaal&mdash;A Formidable
+Undertaking&mdash;From Interlaken to Zermatt on Foot&mdash;We Concluded
+to take a Buggy&mdash;A Pair of Jolly Drivers&mdash;We meet with
+Companions&mdash;A Cheerful Ride&mdash;Kandersteg Valley&mdash;An Alpine
+Parlor&mdash;Exercise and Amusement&mdash;A Race with a Log
+<br><br>
+<a href="#ch34">CHAPTER XXXIV</a>
+<br>
+An Old Guide&mdash;Possible Accidents&mdash;Dangerous Habitation&mdash;Mountain
+Flowers&mdash;Embryo Lions&mdash;Mountain Pigs&mdash;The End of The
+World&mdash;Ghastly Desolation&mdash;Proposed Adventure&mdash;Reading-up
+Adventures&mdash;Ascent of Monte Rosa&mdash;Precipices and Crevasses&mdash;Among the
+Snows&mdash;Exciting Experiences&mdash;lee Ridges&mdash;The Summit&mdash;Adventures Postponed
+<br><br>
+<a href="#ch35">CHAPTER XXXV</a>
+<br>
+A New Interest&mdash;Magnificent Views&mdash;A Mule's Prefereoces&mdash;Turning
+Mountain Corners&mdash;Terror of a Horse&mdash;Lady Tourists&mdash;Death of
+a young Countess&mdash;A Search for a Hat&mdash;What We Did Find&mdash;Harris's
+Opinion of Chamois&mdash;A Disappointed Man&mdash;A Giantess&mdash;Model for an
+Empress&mdash;Baths at Leuk&mdash;Sport in the Water&mdash;The Gemmi
+Precipices&mdash;A Palace for an Emperor&mdash;The Famous Ladders&mdash;Considerably
+Mixed Up&mdash;Sad Plight of a Minister
+
+</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote>
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+<a name="ch29"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XXIX</h2>
+<h3>[Looking West for Sunrise]</h3></center>
+<br><br>
+
+<p>He kept his word.  We heard his horn and instantly got up.
+It was dark and cold and wretched.  As I fumbled around
+for the matches, knocking things down with my quaking hands,
+I wished the sun would rise in the middle of the day,
+when it was warm and bright and cheerful, and one
+wasn't sleepy.  We proceeded to dress by the gloom of a
+couple sickly candles, but we could hardly button anything,
+our hands shook so.  I thought of how many happy people
+there were in Europe, Asia, and America, and everywhere,
+who were sleeping peacefully in their beds, and did not
+have to get up and see the Rigi sunrise&mdash;people who did
+not appreciate their advantage, as like as not, but would
+get up in the morning wanting more boons of Providence.
+While thinking these thoughts I yawned, in a rather ample way,
+and my upper teeth got hitched on a nail over the door,
+and while I was mounting a chair to free myself, Harris drew
+the window-curtain, and said:
+
+<p>"Oh, this is luck! We shan't have to go out at
+all&mdash;yonder are the mountains, in full view."
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p302"></a><img alt="p302.jpg (43K)" src="images/p302.jpg" height="627" width="313">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>That was glad news, indeed.  It made us cheerful right away.
+One could see the grand Alpine masses dimly outlined
+against the black firmament, and one or two faint stars
+blinking through rifts in the night.  Fully clothed,
+and wrapped in blankets, and huddled ourselves up,
+by the window, with lighted pipes, and fell into chat,
+while we waited in exceeding comfort to see how an Alpine
+sunrise was going to look by candlelight.  By and by
+a delicate, spiritual sort of effulgence spread itself
+by imperceptible degrees over the loftiest altitudes of
+the snowy wastes&mdash;but there the effort seemed to stop.
+I said, presently:
+
+<p>"There is a hitch about this sunrise somewhere.
+It doesn't seem to go.  What do you reckon is the matter
+with it?"
+
+<p>"I don't know.  It appears to hang fire somewhere.
+I never saw a sunrise act like that before.  Can it be
+that the hotel is playing anything on us?"
+
+<p>"Of course not.  The hotel merely has a property interest
+in the sun, it has nothing to do with the management of it.
+It is a precarious kind of property, too; a succession
+of total eclipses would probably ruin this tavern.
+Now what can be the matter with this sunrise?"
+
+<p>Harris jumped up and said:
+
+<p>"I've got it! I know what's the matter with it! We've
+been looking at the place where the sun SET last night!"
+
+<p>"It is perfectly true! Why couldn't you have thought of
+that sooner? Now we've lost another one! And all through
+your blundering.  It was exactly like you to light a pipe
+and sit down to wait for the sun to rise in the west."
+
+<p>"It was exactly like me to find out the mistake, too.
+You never would have found it out.  I find out all the mistakes."
+
+<p>"You make them all, too, else your most valuable faculty
+would be wasted on you.  But don't stop to quarrel,
+now&mdash;maybe we are not too late yet."
+
+<p>But we were.  The sun was well up when we got to the
+exhibition-ground.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p303"></a><img alt="p303.jpg (57K)" src="images/p303.jpg" height="681" width="525">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>On our way up we met the crowd returning&mdash;men and women
+dressed in all sorts of queer costumes, and exhibiting
+all degrees of cold and wretchedness in their gaits
+and countenances.  A dozen still remained on the ground
+when we reached there, huddled together about the scaffold
+with their backs to the bitter wind.  They had their red
+guide-books open at the diagram of the view, and were
+painfully picking out the several mountains and trying
+to impress their names and positions on their memories.
+It was one of the saddest sights I ever saw.
+
+<p>Two sides of this place were guarded by railings,
+to keep people from being blown over the precipices.
+The view, looking sheer down into the broad valley,
+eastward, from this great elevation&mdash;almost a perpendicular
+mile&mdash;was very quaint and curious.  Counties, towns,
+hilly ribs and ridges, wide stretches of green meadow,
+great forest tracts, winding streams, a dozen blue lakes,
+a block of busy steamboats&mdash;we saw all this little
+world in unique circumstantiality of detail&mdash;saw it
+just as the birds see it&mdash;and all reduced to the smallest
+of scales and as sharply worked out and finished as a
+steel engraving.  The numerous toy villages, with tiny
+spires projecting out of them, were just as the children
+might have left them when done with play the day before;
+the forest tracts were diminished to cushions of moss;
+one or two big lakes were dwarfed to ponds, the smaller
+ones to puddles&mdash;though they did not look like puddles,
+but like blue teardrops which had fallen and lodged
+in slight depressions, conformable to their shapes,
+among the moss-beds and the smooth levels of dainty
+green farm-land; the microscopic steamboats glided along,
+as in a city reservoir, taking a mighty time to cover
+the distance between ports which seemed only a yard apart;
+and the isthmus which separated two lakes looked as if
+one might stretch out on it and lie with both elbows
+in the water, yet we knew invisible wagons were toiling
+across it and finding the distance a tedious one.
+This beautiful miniature world had exactly the appearance
+of those "relief maps" which reproduce nature precisely,
+with the heights and depressions and other details graduated
+to a reduced scale, and with the rocks, trees, lakes,
+etc., colored after nature.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p305"></a><img alt="p305.jpg (62K)" src="images/p305.jpg" height="865" width="429">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>I believed we could walk down to Waeggis or Vitznau
+in a day, but I knew we could go down by rail in about
+an hour, so I chose the latter method.  I wanted to see
+what it was like, anyway.  The train came along about
+the middle of the afternoon, and an odd thing it was.
+The locomotive-boiler stood on end, and it and the whole
+locomotive were tilted sharply backward.  There were
+two passenger-cars, roofed, but wide open all around.
+These cars were not tilted back, but the seats were;
+this enables the passenger to sit level while going down a
+steep incline.
+
+<p>There are three railway-tracks; the central one is cogged;
+the "lantern wheel" of the engine grips its way along
+these cogs, and pulls the train up the hill or retards its
+motion on the down trip.  About the same speed&mdash;three miles
+an hour&mdash;is maintained both ways.  Whether going up or down,
+the locomotive is always at the lower end of the train.
+It pushes in the one case, braces back in the other.
+The passenger rides backward going up, and faces forward
+going down.
+
+<p>We got front seats, and while the train moved along
+about fifty yards on level ground, I was not the
+least frightened; but now it started abruptly downstairs,
+and I caught my breath.  And I, like my neighbors,
+unconsciously held back all I could, and threw my weight
+to the rear, but, of course, that did no particular good.
+I had slidden down the balusters when I was a boy,
+and thought nothing of it, but to slide down the balusters
+in a railway-train is a thing to make one's flesh creep.
+Sometimes we had as much as ten yards of almost level
+ground, and this gave us a few full breaths in comfort;
+but straightway we would turn a corner and see a long steep
+line of rails stretching down below us, and the comfort
+was at an end.  One expected to see the locomotive pause,
+or slack up a little, and approach this plunge cautiously,
+but it did nothing of the kind; it went calmly on, and went
+it reached the jumping-off place it made a sudden bow,
+and went gliding smoothly downstairs, untroubled by
+the circumstances.
+
+<p>It was wildly exhilarating to slide along the edge of
+the precipices, after this grisly fashion, and look straight
+down upon that far-off valley which I was describing a while ago.
+
+<p>
+There was no level ground at the Kaltbad station;
+the railbed was as steep as a roof; I was curious
+to see how the stop was going to be managed.
+But it was very simple; the train came sliding down,
+and when it reached the right spot it just stopped&mdash;that
+was all there was "to it"&mdash;stopped on the steep incline,
+and when the exchange of passengers and baggage had
+been made, it moved off and went sliding down again.
+The train can be stopped anywhere, at a moment's notice.
+
+<p>There was one curious effect, which I need not take the
+trouble to describe&mdash;because I can scissor a description
+of it out of the railway company's advertising pamphlet,
+and save my ink:
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p307"></a><img alt="p307.jpg (37K)" src="images/p307.jpg" height="367" width="493">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>"On the whole tour, particularly at the Descent, we undergo
+an optical illusion which often seems to be incredible.
+All the shrubs, fir trees, stables, houses, etc., seem to be bent
+in a slanting direction, as by an immense pressure of air.
+They are all standing awry, so much awry that the chalets
+and cottages of the peasants seem to be tumbling down.
+It is the consequence of the steep inclination of the line.
+Those who are seated in the carriage do not observe that they
+are going down a declivity of twenty to twenty-five degrees
+(their seats being adapted to this course of proceeding
+and being bent down at their backs). They mistake their
+carriage and its horizontal lines for a proper measure
+of the normal plain, and therefore all the objects outside
+which really are in a horizontal position must show a
+disproportion of twenty to twenty-five degrees declivity,
+in regard to the mountain."
+
+<p>By the time one reaches Kaltbad, he has acquired confidence
+in the railway, and he now ceases to try to ease the
+locomotive by holding back.  Thenceforth he smokes his
+pipe in serenity, and gazes out upon the magnificent
+picture below and about him with unfettered enjoyment.
+There is nothing to interrupt the view or the breeze;
+it is like inspecting the world on the wing.  However&mdash;to be
+exact&mdash;there is one place where the serenity lapses for a while;
+this is while one is crossing the Schnurrtobel Bridge,
+a frail structure which swings its gossamer frame down
+through the dizzy air, over a gorge, like a vagrant
+spider-strand.
+
+<p>One has no difficulty in remembering his sins while
+the train is creeping down this bridge; and he repents
+of them, too; though he sees, when he gets to Vitznau,
+that he need not have done it, the bridge was perfectly safe.
+
+<p>So ends the eventual trip which we made to the Rigi-Kulm
+to see an Alpine sunrise.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p308"></a><img alt="p308.jpg (21K)" src="images/p308.jpg" height="363" width="449">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+
+<center><a name="p309"></a><img alt="p309.jpg (78K)" src="images/p309.jpg" height="410" width="651">
+</center>
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+<a name="ch30"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XXX</h2>
+<h3>[Harris Climbs Mountains for Me]</h3></center>
+<br><br>
+
+<p>An hour's sail brought us to Lucerne again.  I judged
+it best to go to bed and rest several days, for I knew
+that the man who undertakes to make the tour of Europe
+on foot must take care of himself.
+
+<p>Thinking over my plans, as mapped out, I perceived that
+they did not take in the Furka Pass, the Rhone Glacier,
+the Finsteraarhorn, the Wetterhorn, etc.  I immediately
+examined the guide-book to see if these were important,
+and found they were; in fact, a pedestrian tour of Europe
+could not be complete without them.  Of course that decided
+me at once to see them, for I never allow myself to do
+things by halves, or in a slurring, slipshod way.
+
+<p>I called in my agent and instructed him to go without delay
+and make a careful examination of these noted places,
+on foot, and bring me back a written report of the result,
+for insertion in my book.  I instructed him to go to Hospenthal
+as quickly as possible, and make his grand start from there;
+to extend his foot expedition as far as the Giesbach fall,
+and return to me from thence by diligence or mule.
+I told him to take the courier with him.
+
+<p>He objected to the courier, and with some show of reason,
+since he was about to venture upon new and untried ground;
+but I thought he might as well learn how to take care of
+the courier now as later, therefore I enforced my point.
+I said that the trouble, delay, and inconvenience
+of traveling with a courier were balanced by the deep
+respect which a courier's presence commands, and I must
+insist that as much style be thrown into my journeys
+as possible.
+
+<p>So the two assumed complete mountaineering costumes
+and departed.  A week later they returned, pretty well
+used up, and my agent handed me the following:
+
+<center><p>Official Report
+
+<p>OF A VISIT TO THE FURKA REGION.
+<p>BY H. HARRIS, AGENT</center>
+
+<p>About seven o'clock in the morning, with perfectly
+fine weather, we started from Hospenthal, and arrived at
+the MAISON on the Furka in a little under QUATRE hours.
+The want of variety in the scenery from Hospenthal made
+the KAHKAHPONEEKA wearisome; but let none be discouraged;
+no one can fail to be completely R'ECOMPENS'EE for
+his fatigue, when he sees, for the first time, the monarch
+of the Oberland, the tremendous Finsteraarhorn.  A moment
+before all was dullness, but a PAS further has placed us
+on the summit of the Furka; and exactly in front of us,
+at a HOPOW of only fifteen miles, this magnificent mountain
+lifts its snow-wreathed precipices into the deep blue sky.
+The inferior mountains on each side of the pass form
+a sort of frame for the picture of their dread lord,
+and close in the view so completely that no other prominent
+feature in the Oberland is visible from this BONG-A-BONG;
+nothing withdraws the attention from the solitary grandeur
+of the Finsteraarhorn and the dependent spurs which form
+the abutments of the central peak.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p313"></a><img alt="p313.jpg (51K)" src="images/p313.jpg" height="479" width="547">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>With the addition of some others, who were also bound
+for the Grimsel, we formed a large XHVLOJ as we descended
+the STEG which winds round the shoulder of a mountain
+toward the Rhone Glacier.  We soon left the path and took
+to the ice; and after wandering amongst the crevices UN PEU,
+to admire the wonders of these deep blue caverns, and hear
+the rushing of waters through their subglacial channels,
+we struck out a course toward L'AUTRE CÔTE and crossed
+the glacier successfully, a little above the cave from
+which the infant Rhone takes its first bound from under
+the grand precipice of ice.  Half a mile below this
+we began to climb the flowery side of the Meienwand.
+One of our party started before the rest, but the HITZE
+was so great, that we found IHM quite exhausted,
+and lying at full length in the shade of a large GESTEIN.
+We sat down with him for a time, for all felt the heat
+exceedingly in the climb up this very steep BOLWOGGOLY,
+and then we set out again together, and arrived at last
+near the Dead Man's Lake, at the foot of the Sidelhorn.
+This lonely spot, once used for an extempore burying-place,
+after a sanguinary BATTUE between the French and Austrians,
+is the perfection of desolation; there is nothing in sight
+to mark the hand of man, except the line of weather-beaten
+whitened posts, set up to indicate the direction of the pass
+in the OWDAWAKK of winter.  Near this point the footpath joins
+the wider track, which connects the Grimsel with the head
+of the Rhone SCHNAWP; this has been carefully constructed,
+and leads with a tortuous course among and over LES PIERRES,
+down to the bank of the gloomy little SWOSH-SWOSH, which
+almost washes against the walls of the Grimsel Hospice.
+We arrived a little before four o'clock at the end
+of our day's journey, hot enough to justify the step,
+taking by most of the PARTIE, of plunging into the crystal
+water of the snow-fed lake.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p314"></a><img alt="p314.jpg (32K)" src="images/p314.jpg" height="357" width="549">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>The next afternoon we started for a walk up the Unteraar glacier,
+with the intention of, at all events, getting as far
+as the Hütte which is used as a sleeping-place by most
+of those who cross the Strahleck Pass to Grindelwald.
+We got over the tedious collection of stones and DÉBRIS
+which covers the PIED of the GLETCHER, and had walked
+nearly three hours from the Grimsel, when, just as
+we were thinking of crossing over to the right,
+to climb the cliffs at the foot of the hut, the clouds,
+which had for some time assumed a threatening appearance,
+suddenly dropped, and a huge mass of them, driving toward
+us from the Finsteraarhorn, poured down a deluge of
+HABOOLONG and hail.  Fortunately, we were not far from
+a very large glacier-table; it was a huge rock balanced
+on a pedestal of ice high enough to admit of our all
+creeping under it for GOWKARAK.  A stream of PUCKITTYPUKK
+had furrowed a course for itself in the ice at its base,
+and we were obliged to stand with one FUSS on each side
+of this, and endeavor to keep ourselves CHAUD by cutting
+steps in the steep bank of the pedestal, so as to get
+a higher place for standing on, as the WASSER rose rapidly
+in its trench.  A very cold BZZZZZZZZEEE accompanied
+the storm, and made our position far from pleasant;
+and presently came a flash of BLITZEN, apparently in the
+middle of our little party, with an instantaneous clap
+of YOKKY, sounding like a large gun fired close to our ears;
+the effect was startling; but in a few seconds our attention
+was fixed by the roaring echoes of the thunder against
+the tremendous mountains which completely surrounded us.
+This was followed by many more bursts, none of WELCHE,
+however, was so dangerously near; and after waiting a long
+DEMI-hour in our icy prison, we sallied out to talk through
+a HABOOLONG which, though not so heavy as before, was quite
+enough to give us a thorough soaking before our arrival at the
+Hospice.
+
+<p>The Grimsel is CERTAINEMENT a wonderful place; situated at
+the bottom of a sort of huge crater, the sides of which
+are utterly savage GEBIRGE, composed of barren rocks
+which cannot even support a single pine ARBRE, and afford
+only scanty food for a herd of GMWKWLLOLP, it looks as
+if it must be completely BEGRABEN in the winter snows.
+Enormous avalanches fall against it every spring,
+sometimes covering everything to the depth of thirty
+or forty feet; and, in spite of walls four feet thick,
+and furnished with outside shutters, the two men who stay here
+when the VOYAGEURS are snugly quartered in their distant homes
+can tell you that the snow sometimes shakes the house to its
+foundations.
+
+<p>Next morning the HOGGLEBUMGULLUP still continued bad,
+but we made up our minds to go on, and make the best of it.
+Half an hour after we started, the REGEN thickened unpleasantly,
+and we attempted to get shelter under a projecting rock,
+but being far to NASS already to make standing at all
+AGRÉABLE, we pushed on for the Handeck, consoling ourselves
+with the reflection that from the furious rushing
+of the river Aar at our side, we should at all events
+see the celebrated WASSERFALL in GRANDE PERFECTION.
+Nor were we NAPPERSOCKET in our expectation; the water
+was roaring down its leap of two hundred and fifty feet
+in a most magnificent frenzy, while the trees which cling
+to its rocky sides swayed to and fro in the violence of the
+hurricane which it brought down with it; even the stream,
+which falls into the main cascade at right angles,
+and TOUTEFOIS forms a beautiful feature in the scene,
+was now swollen into a raging torrent; and the violence
+of this "meeting of the waters," about fifty feet below
+the frail bridge where we stood, was fearfully grand.
+While we were looking at it, GLÜECKLICHEWEISE a gleam
+of sunshine came out, and instantly a beautiful rainbow
+was formed by the spray, and hung in mid-air suspended over
+the awful gorge.
+
+<p>On going into the CHALET above the fall, we were
+informed that a BRUECKE had broken down near Guttanen,
+and that it would be impossible to proceed for some time;
+accordingly we were kept in our drenched condition for
+EIN STUNDE, when some VOYAGEURS arrived from Meiringen,
+and told us that there had been a trifling accident,
+ABER that we could now cross.  On arriving at the spot,
+I was much inclined to suspect that the whole story was a ruse
+to make us SLOWWK and drink the more at the Handeck Inn,
+for only a few planks had been carried away, and though
+there might perhaps have been some difficulty with mules,
+the gap was certainly not larger than a MMBGLX might cross
+with a very slight leap.  Near Guttanen the HABOOLONG
+happily ceased, and we had time to walk ourselves tolerably
+dry before arriving at Reichenback, WO we enjoyed a good DINÉ
+at the Hotel des Alps.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p317"></a><img alt="p317.jpg (66K)" src="images/p317.jpg" height="859" width="363">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>Next morning we walked to Rosenlaui, the BEAU IDÉAL
+of Swiss scenery, where we spent the middle of the day
+in an excursion to the glacier.  This was more beautiful
+than words can describe, for in the constant progress
+of the ice it has changed the form of its extremity
+and formed a vast cavern, as blue as the sky above,
+and rippled like a frozen ocean.  A few steps cut
+in the WHOOPJAMBOREEHOO enabled us to walk completely
+under this, and feast our eyes upon one of the loveliest
+objects in creation.  The glacier was all around divided
+by numberless fissures of the same exquisite color,
+and the finest wood-ERDBEEREN were growing in abundance
+but a few yards from the ice.  The inn stands in a CHARMANT
+spot close to the CÔTÉ DE LA RIVIÈRE, which, lower down,
+forms the Reichenbach fall, and embosomed in the richest
+of pine woods, while the fine form of the Wellhorn
+looking down upon it completes the enchanting BOPPLE.
+In the afternoon we walked over the Great Scheideck
+to Grindelwald, stopping to pay a visit to the Upper
+glacier by the way; but we were again overtaken by bad
+HOGGLEBUMGULLUP and arrived at the hotel in a SOLCHE
+a state that the landlord's wardrobe was in great request.
+
+<p>The clouds by this time seemed to have done their worst,
+for a lovely day succeeded, which we determined to devote
+to an ascent of the Faulhorn.  We left Grindelwald just as
+a thunder-storm was dying away, and we hoped to find GUTEN
+WETTER up above; but the rain, which had nearly ceased,
+began again, and we were struck by the rapidly increasing
+FROID as we ascended.  Two-thirds of the way up were
+completed when the rain was exchanged for GNILLIC,
+with which the BODEN was thickly covered, and before we
+arrived at the top the GNILLIC and mist became so thick
+that we could not see one another at more than twenty
+POOPOO distance, and it became difficult to pick our way over
+the rough and thickly covered ground.  Shivering with cold,
+we turned into bed with a double allowance of clothes,
+and slept comfortably while the wind howled AUTOUR DE
+LA MAISON; when I awoke, the wall and the window looked
+equally dark, but in another hour I found I could just
+see the form of the latter; so I jumped out of bed,
+and forced it open, though with great difficulty from
+the frost and the quantities of GNILLIC heaped up against it.
+
+<p>A row of huge icicles hung down from the edge of the roof,
+and anything more wintry than the whole ANBLICK could
+not well be imagined; but the sudden appearance of the
+great mountains in front was so startling that I felt no
+inclination to move toward bed again.  The snow which had
+collected upon LA FÊNTRE had increased the FINSTERNISS
+ODER DER DUNKELHEIT, so that when I looked out I was
+surprised to find that the daylight was considerable,
+and that the BALRAGOOMAH would evidently rise before long.
+Only the brightest of LES E'TOILES were still shining;
+the sky was cloudless overhead, though small curling
+mists lay thousands of feet below us in the valleys,
+wreathed around the feet of the mountains, and adding
+to the splendor of their lofty summits.  We were soon
+dressed and out of the house, watching the gradual approach
+of dawn, thoroughly absorbed in the first near view
+of the Oberland giants, which broke upon us unexpectedly
+after the intense obscurity of the evening before.
+"KABAUGWAKKO SONGWASHEE KUM WETTERHORN SNAWPO!" cried some one,
+as that grand summit gleamed with the first rose of dawn;
+and in a few moments the double crest of the Schreckhorn
+followed its example; peak after peak seemed warmed
+with life, the Jungfrau blushed even more beautifully
+than her neighbors, and soon, from the Wetterhorn in the
+east to the Wildstrubel in the west, a long row of fires
+glowed upon mighty altars, truly worthy of the gods.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p319"></a><img alt="p319.jpg (36K)" src="images/p319.jpg" height="389" width="541">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>The WLGW was very severe; our sleeping-place could
+hardly be DISTINGUEÉ from the snow around it, which had
+fallen to a depth of a FLIRK during the past evening,
+and we heartily enjoyed a rough scramble EN BAS to the
+Giesbach falls, where we soon found a warm climate.
+At noon the day before Grindelwald the thermometer could
+not have stood at less than 100 degrees Fahr.  in the sun;
+and in the evening, judging from the icicles formed,
+and the state of the windows, there must have been at least
+twelve DINGBLATTER of frost, thus giving a change of 80
+degrees during a few hours.
+
+<p>I said:
+
+<p>"You have done well, Harris; this report is concise,
+compact, well expressed; the language is crisp,
+the descriptions are vivid and not needlessly elaborated;
+your report goes straight to the point, attends strictly
+to business, and doesn't fool around.  It is in many
+ways an excellent document.  But it has a fault&mdash;it
+is too learned, it is much too learned.  What is 'DINGBLATTER'?
+
+<p>"'DINGBLATTER' is a Fiji word meaning 'degrees.'"
+
+<p>"You knew the English of it, then?"
+
+<p>"Oh, yes."
+
+<p>"What is 'GNILLIC'?
+
+<p>"That is the Eskimo term for 'snow.'"
+
+<p>"So you knew the English for that, too?"
+
+<p>"Why, certainly."
+
+<p>"What does 'MMBGLX' stand for?"
+
+<p>"That is Zulu for 'pedestrian.'"
+
+<p>"'While the form of the Wellhorn looking down upon it
+completes the enchanting BOPPLE.' What is 'BOPPLE'?"
+
+<p>"'Picture.' It's Choctaw."
+
+<p>"What is 'SCHNAWP'?"
+
+<p>"'Valley.' That is Choctaw, also."
+
+<p>"What is 'BOLWOGGOLY'?"
+
+<p>"That is Chinese for 'hill.'"
+
+<p>"'KAHKAHPONEEKA'?"
+
+<p>"'Ascent.' Choctaw."
+
+<p>"'But we were again overtaken by bad HOGGLEBUMGULLUP.'
+What does 'HOGGLEBUMGULLUP' mean?"
+
+<p>"That is Chinese for 'weather.'"
+
+<p>"Is 'HOGGLEBUMGULLUP' better than the English word? Is
+it any more descriptive?"
+
+<p>"No, it means just the same."
+
+<p>"And 'DINGBLATTER' and 'GNILLIC,' and 'BOPPLE,'
+and 'SCHNAWP'&mdash;are they better than the English words?"
+
+<p>"No, they mean just what the English ones do."
+
+<p>"Then why do you use them? Why have you used all this
+Chinese and Choctaw and Zulu rubbish?"
+
+<p>"Because I didn't know any French but two or three words,
+and I didn't know any Latin or Greek at all."
+
+<p>"That is nothing.  Why should you want to use foreign words,
+anyhow?"
+
+<p>"They adorn my page.  They all do it."
+
+<p>"Who is 'all'?"
+
+<p>"Everybody. Everybody that writes elegantly.  Anybody has
+a right to that wants to."
+
+<p>"I think you are mistaken." I then proceeded in the following
+scathing manner.  "When really learned men write books
+for other learned men to read, they are justified in using
+as many learned words as they please&mdash;their audience
+will understand them; but a man who writes a book for the
+general public to read is not justified in disfiguring
+his pages with untranslated foreign expressions.
+It is an insolence toward the majority of the purchasers,
+for it is a very frank and impudent way of saying,
+'Get the translations made yourself if you want them,
+this book is not written for the ignorant classes.' There are
+men who know a foreign language so well and have used it
+so long in their daily life that they seem to discharge whole
+volleys of it into their English writings unconsciously,
+and so they omit to translate, as much as half the time.
+That is a great cruelty to nine out of ten of the
+man's readers.  What is the excuse for this? The writer
+would say he only uses the foreign language where the
+delicacy of his point cannot be conveyed in English.
+Very well, then he writes his best things for the tenth man,
+and he ought to warn the nine other not to buy his book.
+However, the excuse he offers is at least an excuse;
+but there is another set of men who are like YOU;
+they know a WORD here and there, of a foreign language,
+or a few beggarly little three-word phrases, filched from
+the back of the Dictionary, and these are continually
+peppering into their literature, with a pretense of
+knowing that language&mdash;what excuse can they offer? The
+foreign words and phrases which they use have their exact
+equivalents in a nobler language&mdash;English; yet they think
+they 'adorn their page' when they say STRASSE for street,
+and BAHNHOF for railway-station, and so on&mdash;flaunting
+these fluttering rags of poverty in the reader's face
+and imagining he will be ass enough to take them for the
+sign of untold riches held in reserve.  I will let your
+'learning' remain in your report; you have as much right,
+I suppose, to 'adorn your page' with Zulu and Chinese
+and Choctaw rubbish as others of your sort have to adorn
+theirs with insolent odds and ends smouched from half
+a dozen learned tongues whose A-B ABS they don't even know."
+
+<p>When the musing spider steps upon the red-hot shovel,
+he first exhibits a wild surprise, then he shrivels up.
+Similar was the effect of these blistering words upon the
+tranquil and unsuspecting Agent.  I can be dreadfully rough
+on a person when the mood takes me.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p322"></a><img alt="p322.jpg (18K)" src="images/p322.jpg" height="323" width="385">
+</center>
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+<a name="ch31"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XXXI</h2>
+<h3>[Alp-scaling by Carriage]</h3></center>
+<br><br>
+
+
+<p>We now prepared for a considerable walk&mdash;from Lucerne
+to Interlaken, over the Bruenig Pass.  But at the last moment
+the weather was so good that I changed my mind and hired
+a four-horse carriage.  It was a huge vehicle, roomy, as easy
+in its motion as a palanquin, and exceedingly comfortable.
+
+<p>We got away pretty early in the morning, after a hot breakfast,
+and went bowling over a hard, smooth road, through the summer
+loveliness of Switzerland, with near and distant lakes
+and mountains before and about us for the entertainment
+of the eye, and the music of multitudinous birds to charm
+the ear.  Sometimes there was only the width of the road
+between the imposing precipices on the right and the clear
+cool water on the left with its shoals of uncatchable
+fish skimming about through the bars of sun and shadow;
+and sometimes, in place of the precipices, the grassy land
+stretched away, in an apparently endless upward slant,
+and was dotted everywhere with snug little chalets,
+the peculiarly captivating cottage of Switzerland.
+
+<p>The ordinary chalet turns a broad, honest gable end
+to the road, and its ample roof hovers over the home
+in a protecting, caressing way, projecting its sheltering
+eaves far outward.  The quaint windows are filled with
+little panes, and garnished with white muslin curtains,
+and brightened with boxes of blooming flowers.
+Across the front of the house, and up the spreading eaves
+and along the fanciful railings of the shallow porch,
+are elaborate carvings&mdash;wreaths, fruits, arabesques,
+verses from Scripture, names, dates, etc.  The building
+is wholly of wood, reddish brown in tint, a very
+pleasing color.  It generally has vines climbing over it.
+Set such a house against the fresh green of the hillside,
+and it looks ever so cozy and inviting and picturesque,
+and is a decidedly graceful addition to the landscape.
+
+<p>One does not find out what a hold the chalet has taken
+upon him, until he presently comes upon a new
+house&mdash;a house which is aping the town fashions of Germany
+and France, a prim, hideous, straight-up-and-down thing,
+plastered all over on the outside to look like stone,
+and altogether so stiff, and formal, and ugly, and forbidding,
+and so out of tune with the gracious landscape, and so deaf
+and dumb and dead to the poetry of its surroundings,
+that it suggests an undertaker at a picnic, a corpse at
+a wedding, a puritan in Paradise.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p324"></a><img alt="p324.jpg (25K)" src="images/p324.jpg" height="285" width="479">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>In the course of the morning we passed the spot where Pontius
+Pilate is said to have thrown himself into the lake.
+The legend goes that after the Crucifixion his conscience
+troubled him, and he fled from Jerusalem and wandered
+about the earth, weary of life and a prey to tortures of
+the mind.  Eventually, he hid himself away, on the heights
+of Mount Pilatus, and dwelt alone among the clouds and
+crags for years; but rest and peace were still denied him,
+so he finally put an end to his misery by drowning himself.
+
+<p>Presently we passed the place where a man of better odor
+was born.  This was the children's friend, Santa Claus,
+or St. Nicholas.  There are some unaccountable reputations
+in the world.  This saint's is an instance.  He has
+ranked for ages as the peculiar friend of children,
+yet it appears he was not much of a friend to his own.
+He had ten of them, and when fifty years old he left them,
+and sought out as dismal a refuge from the world as possible,
+and became a hermit in order that he might reflect upon
+pious themes without being disturbed by the joyous and other
+noises from the nursery, doubtless.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p325"></a><img alt="p325.jpg (61K)" src="images/p325.jpg" height="725" width="399">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>Judging by Pilate and St. Nicholas, there exists no rule
+for the construction of hermits; they seem made out of all
+kinds of material.  But Pilate attended to the matter of
+expiating his sin while he was alive, whereas St. Nicholas
+will probably have to go on climbing down sooty chimneys,
+Christmas eve, forever, and conferring kindness on other
+people's children, to make up for deserting his own.
+His bones are kept in a church in a village (Sachseln)
+which we visited, and are naturally held in great reverence.
+His portrait is common in the farmhouses of the region,
+but is believed by many to be but an indifferent likeness.
+During his hermit life, according to legend, he partook
+of the bread and wine of the communion once a month,
+but all the rest of the month he fasted.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p326"></a><img alt="p326.jpg (49K)" src="images/p326.jpg" height="777" width="353">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>A constant marvel with us, as we sped along the bases
+of the steep mountains on this journey, was, not that
+avalanches occur, but that they are not occurring all
+the time.  One does not understand why rocks and landslides
+do not plunge down these declivities daily.  A landslip
+occurred three quarters of a century ago, on the route
+from Arth to Brunnen, which was a formidable thing.
+A mass of conglomerate two miles long, a thousand feet broad,
+and a hundred feet thick, broke away from a cliff three
+thousand feet high and hurled itself into the valley below,
+burying four villages and five hundred people, as in a grave.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p327"></a><img alt="p327.jpg (73K)" src="images/p327.jpg" height="767" width="547">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>We had such a beautiful day, and such endless pictures
+of limpid lakes, and green hills and valleys,
+and majestic mountains, and milky cataracts dancing
+down the steeps and gleaming in the sun, that we could
+not help feeling sweet toward all the world; so we tried
+to drink all the milk, and eat all the grapes and apricots
+and berries, and buy all the bouquets of wild flowers
+which the little peasant boys and girls offered for sale;
+but we had to retire from this contract, for it was too heavy.
+
+<p>At short distances&mdash;and they were entirely too short&mdash;all
+along the road, were groups of neat and comely children,
+with their wares nicely and temptingly set forth
+in the grass under the shade trees, and as soon as we
+approached they swarmed into the road, holding out their
+baskets and milk bottles, and ran beside the carriage,
+barefoot and bareheaded, and importuned us to buy.
+They seldom desisted early, but continued to run and
+insist&mdash;beside the wagon while they could, and behind
+it until they lost breath.  Then they turned and chased
+a returning carriage back to their trading-post again.
+After several hours of this, without any intermission,
+it becomes almost annoying.  I do not know what we
+should have done without the returning carriages to draw
+off the pursuit.  However, there were plenty of these,
+loaded with dusty tourists and piled high with luggage.
+Indeed, from Lucerne to Interlaken we had the spectacle,
+among other scenery, of an unbroken procession of
+fruit-peddlers and tourists carriages.
+
+<p>Our talk was mostly anticipatory of what we should see
+on the down-grade of the Bruenig, by and by, after we
+should pass the summit.  All our friends in Lucerne had
+said that to look down upon Meiringen, and the rushing
+blue-gray river Aar, and the broad level green valley;
+and across at the mighty Alpine precipices that rise
+straight up to the clouds out of that valley; and up
+at the microscopic chalets perched upon the dizzy eaves
+of those precipices and winking dimly and fitfully
+through the drifting veil of vapor; and still up and up,
+at the superb Oltschiback and the other beautiful cascades
+that leap from those rugged heights, robed in powdery spray,
+ruffled with foam, and girdled with rainbows&mdash;to look upon
+these things, they say, was to look upon the last possibility
+of the sublime and the enchanting.  Therefore, as I say,
+we talked mainly of these coming wonders; if we were conscious
+of any impatience, it was to get there in favorable season;
+if we felt any anxiety, it was that the day might
+remain perfect, and enable us to see those marvels at their best.
+
+<p>
+As we approached the Kaiserstuhl, a part of the harness gave way.
+
+<p>We were in distress for a moment, but only a moment.
+It was the fore-and-aft gear that was broken&mdash;the thing
+that leads aft from the forward part of the horse and is
+made fast to the thing that pulls the wagon.  In America
+this would have been a heavy leathern strap; but, all over
+the continent it is nothing but a piece of rope the size
+of your little finger&mdash;clothes-line is what it is.
+Cabs use it, private carriages, freight-carts and wagons,
+all sorts of vehicles have it.  In Munich I afterward saw
+it used on a long wagon laden with fifty-four half-barrels
+of beer; I had before noticed that the cabs in Heidelberg
+used it&mdash;not new rope, but rope that had been in use
+since Abraham's time &mdash;and I had felt nervous, sometimes,
+behind it when the cab was tearing down a hill.  But I
+had long been accustomed to it now, and had even become
+afraid of the leather strap which belonged in its place.
+Our driver got a fresh piece of clothes-line out of his
+locker and repaired the break in two minutes.
+
+<p>So much for one European fashion.  Every country has its
+own ways.  It may interest the reader to know how they "put
+horses to" on the continent.  The man stands up the horses
+on each side of the thing that projects from the front end
+of the wagon, and then throws the tangled mess of gear
+forward through a ring, and hauls it aft, and passes the
+other thing through the other ring and hauls it aft on the
+other side of the other horse, opposite to the first one,
+after crossing them and bringing the loose end back,
+and then buckles the other thing underneath the horse,
+and takes another thing and wraps it around the thing I spoke
+of before, and puts another thing over each horse's head,
+with broad flappers to it to keep the dust out of his eyes,
+and puts the iron thing in his mouth for him to grit his
+teeth on, uphill, and brings the ends of these things aft
+over his back, after buckling another one around under
+his neck to hold his head up, and hitching another thing
+on a thing that goes over his shoulders to keep his head
+up when he is climbing a hill, and then takes the slack
+of the thing which I mentioned a while ago, and fetches it
+aft and makes it fast to the thing that pulls the wagon,
+and hands the other things up to the driver to steer with.
+I never have buckled up a horse myself, but I do not think
+we do it that way.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p330"></a><img alt="p330.jpg (48K)" src="images/p330.jpg" height="477" width="557">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>We had four very handsome horses, and the driver was very proud
+of his turnout.  He would bowl along on a reasonable trot,
+on the highway, but when he entered a village he did it on
+a furious run, and accompanied it with a frenzy of ceaseless
+whip-crackings that sounded like volleys of musketry.
+He tore through the narrow streets and around the sharp
+curves like a moving earthquake, showering his volleys
+as he went, and before him swept a continuous tidal wave
+of scampering children, ducks, cats, and mothers clasping
+babies which they had snatched out of the way of the
+coming destruction; and as this living wave washed aside,
+along the walls, its elements, being safe, forgot their fears
+and turned their admiring gaze upon that gallant driver
+till he thundered around the next curve and was lost to sight.
+
+<p>He was a great man to those villagers, with his gaudy
+clothes and his terrific ways.  Whenever he stopped
+to have his cattle watered and fed with loaves of bread,
+the villagers stood around admiring him while he
+swaggered about, the little boys gazed up at his face with
+humble homage, and the landlord brought out foaming mugs
+of beer and conversed proudly with him while he drank.
+Then he mounted his lofty box, swung his explosive whip,
+and away he went again, like a storm.  I had not seen
+anything like this before since I was a boy, and the
+stage used to flourish the village with the dust flying
+and the horn tooting.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p331"></a><img alt="p331.jpg (38K)" src="images/p331.jpg" height="527" width="331">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>When we reached the base of the Kaiserstuhl, we took
+two more horses; we had to toil along with difficulty
+for an hour and a half or two hours, for the ascent
+was not very gradual, but when we passed the backbone
+and approached the station, the driver surpassed all
+his previous efforts in the way of rush and clatter.
+He could not have six horses all the time, so he made
+the most of his chance while he had it.
+
+<p>Up to this point we had been in the heart of the William
+Tell region.  The hero is not forgotten, by any means,
+or held in doubtful veneration.  His wooden image,
+with his bow drawn, above the doors of taverns, was a
+frequent feature of the scenery.
+
+<p>About noon we arrived at the foot of the Bruenig Pass,
+and made a two-hour stop at the village hotel, another of
+those clean, pretty, and thoroughly well-kept inns which are
+such an astonishment to people who are accustomed to hotels
+of a dismally different pattern in remote country-towns.
+There was a lake here, in the lap of the great mountains,
+the green slopes that rose toward the lower crags
+were graced with scattered Swiss cottages nestling
+among miniature farms and gardens, and from out a leafy
+ambuscade in the upper heights tumbled a brawling cataract.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p333"></a><img alt="p333.jpg (79K)" src="images/p333.jpg" height="747" width="557">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>Carriage after carriage, laden with tourists and trunks,
+arrived, and the quiet hotel was soon populous.
+We were early at the table d'hôte and saw the people
+all come in.  There were twenty-five, perhaps.  They were
+of various nationalities, but we were the only Americans.
+Next to me sat an English bride, and next to her sat her
+new husband, whom she called "Neddy," though he was big
+enough and stalwart enough to be entitled to his full name.
+They had a pretty little lovers' quarrel over what wine
+they should have.  Neddy was for obeying the guide-book
+and taking the wine of the country; but the bride said:
+
+<p>"What, that nahsty stuff!"
+
+<p>"It isn't nahsty, pet, it's quite good."
+
+<p>"It IS nahsty."
+
+<p>"No, it ISN'T nahsty."
+
+<p>"It's Oful nahsty, Neddy, and I shahn't drink it."
+
+<p>Then the question was, what she must have.  She said he
+knew very well that she never drank anything but champagne.
+
+<p>She added:
+
+<p>"You know very well papa always has champagne on his table,
+and I've always been used to it."
+
+<p>Neddy made a playful pretense of being distressed about
+the expense, and this amused her so much that she nearly
+exhausted herself with laughter&mdash;and this pleased HIM
+so much that he repeated his jest a couple of times,
+and added new and killing varieties to it.  When the bride
+finally recovered, she gave Neddy a love-box on the arm
+with her fan, and said with arch severity:
+
+<p>"Well, you would HAVE me&mdash;nothing else would
+do&mdash;so you'll have to make the best of a bad bargain.
+DO order the champagne, I'm Oful dry."
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p333b"></a><img alt="p333b.jpg (25K)" src="images/p333b.jpg" height="441" width="319">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>So with a mock groan which made her laugh again,
+Neddy ordered the champagne.
+
+<p>The fact that this young woman had never moistened
+the selvedge edge of her soul with a less plebeian
+tipple than champagne, had a marked and subduing effect
+on Harris.  He believed she belonged to the royal family.
+But I had my doubts.
+
+<p>We heard two or three different languages spoken by
+people at the table and guessed out the nationalities
+of most of the guests to our satisfaction, but we
+failed with an elderly gentleman and his wife and a
+young girl who sat opposite us, and with a gentleman
+of about thirty-five who sat three seats beyond Harris.
+We did not hear any of these speak.  But finally the
+last-named gentleman left while we were not noticing,
+but we looked up as he reached the far end of the table.
+He stopped there a moment, and made his toilet with a
+pocket comb.  So he was a German; or else he had lived
+in German hotels long enough to catch the fashion.
+When the elderly couple and the young girl rose to leave,
+they bowed respectfully to us.  So they were Germans, too.
+This national custom is worth six of the other one,
+for export.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p334"></a><img alt="p334.jpg (27K)" src="images/p334.jpg" height="479" width="281">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>After dinner we talked with several Englishmen, and they
+inflamed our desire to a hotter degree than ever,
+to see the sights of Meiringen from the heights of
+the Bruenig Pass.  They said the view was marvelous,
+and that one who had seen it once could never forget it.
+They also spoke of the romantic nature of the road over
+the pass, and how in one place it had been cut through
+a flank of the solid rock, in such a way that the mountain
+overhung the tourist as he passed by; and they furthermore
+said that the sharp turns in the road and the abruptness
+of the descent would afford us a thrilling experience,
+for we should go down in a flying gallop and seem to be
+spinning around the rings of a whirlwind, like a drop
+of whiskey descending the spirals of a corkscrew.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p335"></a><img alt="p335.jpg (74K)" src="images/p335.jpg" height="739" width="407">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>I got all the information out of these gentlemen that we
+could need; and then, to make everything complete, I asked
+them if a body could get hold of a little fruit and milk
+here and there, in case of necessity.  They threw up their
+hands in speechless intimation that the road was simply paved
+with refreshment-peddlers. We were impatient to get away,
+now, and the rest of our two-hour stop rather dragged.
+But finally the set time arrived and we began the ascent.
+Indeed it was a wonderful road.  It was smooth, and compact,
+and clean, and the side next the precipices was guarded
+all along by dressed stone posts about three feet high,
+placed at short distances apart.  The road could not have
+been better built if Napoleon the First had built it.
+He seems to have been the introducer of the sort of roads
+which Europe now uses.  All literature which describes
+life as it existed in England, France, and Germany up
+to the close of the last century, is filled with pictures
+of coaches and carriages wallowing through these three
+countries in mud and slush half-wheel deep; but after
+Napoleon had floundered through a conquered kingdom he
+generally arranged things so that the rest of the world
+could follow dry-shod.
+
+<p>We went on climbing, higher and higher, and curving hither
+and thither, in the shade of noble woods, and with a rich
+variety and profusion of wild flowers all about us;
+and glimpses of rounded grassy backbones below us occupied
+by trim chalets and nibbling sheep, and other glimpses
+of far lower altitudes, where distance diminished the
+chalets to toys and obliterated the sheep altogether;
+and every now and then some ermined monarch of the Alps
+swung magnificently into view for a moment, then drifted
+past an intervening spur and disappeared again.
+
+<p>It was an intoxicating trip altogether; the exceeding
+sense of satisfaction that follows a good dinner added
+largely to the enjoyment; the having something especial
+to look forward to and muse about, like the approaching
+grandeurs of Meiringen, sharpened the zest.  Smoking was
+never so good before, solid comfort was never solider;
+we lay back against the thick cushions silent, meditative,
+steeped in felicity.
+
+   <center><p>* * * * * * * * </center>
+
+<p>I rubbed my eyes, opened them, and started.  I had been
+dreaming I was at sea, and it was a thrilling surprise to wake
+up and find land all around me.  It took me a couple seconds
+to "come to," as you may say; then I took in the situation.
+The horses were drinking at a trough in the edge of a town,
+the driver was taking beer, Harris was snoring at my side,
+the courier, with folded arms and bowed head, was sleeping
+on the box, two dozen barefooted and bareheaded children
+were gathered about the carriage, with their hands
+crossed behind, gazing up with serious and innocent
+admiration at the dozing tourists baking there in the sun.
+Several small girls held night-capped babies nearly
+as big as themselves in their arms, and even these fat
+babies seemed to take a sort of sluggish interest in us.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p338"></a><img alt="p338.jpg (91K)" src="images/p338.jpg" height="426" width="651">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>We had slept an hour and a half and missed all the scenery!
+I did not need anybody to tell me that.  If I had been
+a girl, I could have cursed for vexation.  As it was,
+I woke up the agent and gave him a piece of my mind.
+Instead of being humiliated, he only upbraided me for being
+so wanting in vigilance.  He said he had expected to improve
+his mind by coming to Europe, but a man might travel to the
+ends of the earth with me and never see anything, for I
+was manifestly endowed with the very genius of ill luck.
+He even tried to get up some emotion about that poor courier,
+who never got a chance to see anything, on account of
+my heedlessness.  But when I thought I had borne about
+enough of this kind of talk, I threatened to make Harris
+tramp back to the summit and make a report on that scenery,
+and this suggestion spiked his battery.
+
+<p>We drove sullenly through Brienz, dead to the seductions
+of its bewildering array of Swiss carvings and the
+clamorous HOO-hooing of its cuckoo clocks, and had not
+entirely recovered our spirits when we rattled across
+a bridge over the rushing blue river and entered the
+pretty town of Interlaken.  It was just about sunset,
+and we had made the trip from Lucerne in ten hours.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p339"></a><img alt="p339.jpg (23K)" src="images/p339.jpg" height="281" width="573">
+</center>
+
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+<a name="ch32"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XXXII</h2>
+<h3>[The Jungfrau, the Bride, and the Piano]</h3></center>
+<br><br>
+
+
+<p>We located ourselves at the Jungfrau Hotel, one of those
+huge establishments which the needs of modern travel
+have created in every attractive spot on the continent.
+There was a great gathering at dinner, and, as usual,
+one heard all sorts of languages.
+
+<p>The table d'hôte was served by waitresses dressed
+in the quaint and comely costume of the Swiss peasants.
+This consists of a simple gros de laine, trimmed with ashes
+of roses, with overskirt of scare bleu ventre saint gris,
+cut bias on the off-side, with facings of petit polonaise
+and narrow insertions of pâte de foie gras backstitched
+to the mise en sce`ne in the form of a jeu d'esprit. It gives
+to the wearer a singularly piquant and alluring aspect.
+
+<p>One of these waitresses, a woman of forty,
+had side-whiskers reaching half-way down her jaws.
+They were two fingers broad, dark in color, pretty thick,
+and the hairs were an inch long.  One sees many women on
+the continent with quite conspicuous mustaches, but this
+was the only woman I saw who had reached the dignity of whiskers.
+
+<p>
+After dinner the guests of both sexes distributed themselves
+about the front porches and the ornamental grounds belonging
+to the hotel, to enjoy the cool air; but, as the twilight
+deepened toward darkness, they gathered themselves together
+in that saddest and solemnest and most constrained of
+all places, the great blank drawing-room which is the chief
+feature of all continental summer hotels.  There they
+grouped themselves about, in couples and threes, and mumbled
+in bated voices, and looked timid and homeless and forlorn.
+
+<p>There was a small piano in this room, a clattery, wheezy,
+asthmatic thing, certainly the very worst miscarriage
+in the way of a piano that the world has seen.  In turn,
+five or six dejected and homesick ladies approached
+it doubtingly, gave it a single inquiring thump, and retired
+with the lockjaw.  But the boss of that instrument was
+to come, nevertheless; and from my own country&mdash;from Arkansaw.
+
+<p>She was a brand-new bride, innocent, girlish, happy in herself
+and her grave and worshiping stripling of a husband; she was
+about eighteen, just out of school, free from affectations,
+unconscious of that passionless multitude around her;
+and the very first time she smote that old wreck one
+recognized that it had met its destiny.  Her stripling
+brought an armful of aged sheet-music from their
+room&mdash;for this bride went "heeled," as you might say&mdash;and bent
+himself lovingly over and got ready to turn the pages.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p341"></a><img alt="p341.jpg (20K)" src="images/p341.jpg" height="415" width="343">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>The bride fetched a swoop with her fingers from one end
+of the keyboard to the other, just to get her bearings,
+as it were, and you could see the congregation set their teeth
+with the agony of it.  Then, without any more preliminaries,
+she turned on all the horrors of the "Battle of Prague,"
+that venerable shivaree, and waded chin-deep in the blood
+of the slain.  She made a fair and honorable average
+of two false notes in every five, but her soul was in arms
+and she never stopped to correct.  The audience stood it
+with pretty fair grit for a while, but when the cannonade
+waxed hotter and fiercer, and the discord average
+rose to four in five, the procession began to move.
+A few stragglers held their ground ten minutes longer,
+but when the girl began to wring the true inwardness out
+of the "cries of the wounded," they struck their colors
+and retired in a kind of panic.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p342"></a><img alt="p342.jpg (60K)" src="images/p342.jpg" height="473" width="559">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>There never was a completer victory; I was the only
+non-combatant left on the field.  I would not have
+deserted my countrywoman anyhow, but indeed I had no
+desires in that direction.  None of us like mediocrity,
+but we all reverence perfection.  This girl's music
+was perfection in its way; it was the worst music that
+had ever been achieved on our planet by a mere human being.
+
+<p>I moved up close, and never lost a strain.  When she
+got through, I asked her to play it again.  She did it
+with a pleased alacrity and a heightened enthusiasm.
+She made it ALL discords, this time.  She got an amount
+of anguish into the cries of the wounded that shed a new
+light on human suffering.  She was on the war-path all
+the evening.  All the time, crowds of people gathered on
+the porches and pressed their noses against the windows
+to look and marvel, but the bravest never ventured in.
+The bride went off satisfied and happy with her young fellow,
+when her appetite was finally gorged, and the tourists
+swarmed in again.
+
+
+
+
+<br><br>
+<a name="p344"></a>
+<center>
+<img alt="p344.jpg (109K)" src="images/p344.jpg" height="398" width="651">
+</center>
+<br><br>
+
+
+
+
+
+<p>What a change has come over Switzerland, and in fact
+all Europe, during this century! Seventy or eighty years
+ago Napoleon was the only man in Europe who could really
+be called a traveler; he was the only man who had devoted
+his attention to it and taken a powerful interest in it;
+he was the only man who had traveled extensively;
+but now everybody goes everywhere; and Switzerland,
+and many other regions which were unvisited and unknown
+remotenesses a hundred years ago, are in our days
+a buzzing hive of restless strangers every summer.
+But I digress.
+
+<p>In the morning, when we looked out of our windows,
+we saw a wonderful sight.  Across the valley,
+and apparently quite neighborly and close at hand,
+the giant form of the Jungfrau rose cold and white into
+the clear sky, beyond a gateway in the nearer highlands.
+It reminded me, somehow, of one of those colossal billows
+which swells suddenly up beside one's ship, at sea,
+sometimes, with its crest and shoulders snowy white, and the
+rest of its noble proportions streaked downward with creamy foam.
+
+<p>
+I took out my sketch-book and made a little picture
+of the Jungfrau, merely to get the shape.
+
+<p>I do not regard this as one of my finished works, in fact I
+do not rank it among my Works at all; it is only a study;
+it is hardly more than what one might call a sketch.
+Other artists have done me the grace to admire it; but I
+am severe in my judgments of my own pictures, and this
+one does not move me.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p346"></a><img alt="p346.jpg (25K)" src="images/p346.jpg" height="345" width="569">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>It was hard to believe that that lofty wooded rampart on
+the left which so overtops the Jungfrau was not actually
+the higher of the two, but it was not, of course.
+It is only two or three thousand feet high, and of course
+has no snow upon it in summer, whereas the Jungfrau is not
+much shorter of fourteen thousand feet high and therefore
+that lowest verge of snow on her side, which seems nearly
+down to the valley level, is really about seven thousand feet
+higher up in the air than the summit of that wooded rampart.
+It is the distance that makes the deception.  The wooded
+height is but four or five miles removed from us,
+but the Jungfrau is four or five times that distance away.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p349"></a><img alt="p349.jpg (84K)" src="images/p349.jpg" height="411" width="650">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+
+<p>Walking down the street of shops, in the fore-noon, I
+was attracted by a large picture, carved, frame and all,
+from a single block of chocolate-colored wood.
+There are people who know everything.  Some of these had
+told us that continental shopkeepers always raise their
+prices on English and Americans.  Many people had told
+us it was expensive to buy things through a courier,
+whereas I had supposed it was just the reverse.
+When I saw this picture, I conjectured that it was worth
+more than the friend I proposed to buy it for would
+like to pay, but still it was worth while to inquire;
+so I told the courier to step in and ask the price, as if he
+wanted it for himself; I told him not to speak in English,
+and above all not to reveal the fact that he was a courier.
+Then I moved on a few yards, and waited.
+
+<p>The courier came presently and reported the price.
+I said to myself, "It is a hundred francs too much,"
+and so dismissed the matter from my mind.  But in
+the afternoon I was passing that place with Harris,
+and the picture attracted me again.  We stepped in,
+to see how much higher broken German would raise the price.
+The shopwoman named a figure just a hundred francs lower
+than the courier had named.  This was a pleasant surprise.
+I said I would take it.  After I had given directions as to
+where it was to be shipped, the shopwoman said, appealingly:
+
+<p>"If you please, do not let your courier know you bought it."
+
+<p>This was an unexpected remark.  I said:
+
+<p>"What makes you think I have a courier?"
+
+<p>"Ah, that is very simple; he told me himself."
+
+<p>"He was very thoughtful.  But tell me&mdash;why did you charge
+him more than you are charging me?"
+
+<p>"That is very simple, also: I do not have to pay you
+a percentage."
+
+<p>"Oh, I begin to see.  You would have had to pay the courier
+a percentage."
+
+<p>"Undoubtedly. The courier always has his percentage.
+In this case it would have been a hundred francs."
+
+<p>"Then the tradesman does not pay a part of
+it&mdash;the purchaser pays all of it?"
+
+<p>"There are occasions when the tradesman and the courier
+agree upon a price which is twice or thrice the value of
+the article, then the two divide, and both get a percentage."
+
+<p>"I see.  But it seems to me that the purchaser does
+all the paying, even then."
+
+<p>"Oh, to be sure! It goes without saying."
+
+<p>"But I have bought this picture myself; therefore why
+shouldn't the courier know it?"
+
+<p>The woman exclaimed, in distress:
+
+<p>"Ah, indeed it would take all my little profit! He would
+come and demand his hundred francs, and I should have
+to pay."
+
+<p>"He has not done the buying.  You could refuse."
+
+<p>"I could not dare to refuse.  He would never bring
+travelers here again.  More than that, he would denounce me
+to the other couriers, they would divert custom from me,
+and my business would be injured."
+
+<p>I went away in a thoughtful frame of mind.  I began to see why
+a courier could afford to work for fifty-five dollars a month
+and his fares.  A month or two later I was able to understand
+why a courier did not have to pay any board and lodging,
+and why my hotel bills were always larger when I had him
+with me than when I left him behind, somewhere, for a few days.
+
+<p>Another thing was also explained, now, apparently.
+In one town I had taken the courier to the bank to do
+the translating when I drew some money.  I had sat
+in the reading-room till the transaction was finished.
+Then a clerk had brought the money to me in person,
+and had been exceedingly polite, even going so far as to
+precede me to the door and holding it open for me and bow
+me out as if I had been a distinguished personage.
+It was a new experience.  Exchange had been in my favor
+ever since I had been in Europe, but just that one time.
+I got simply the face of my draft, and no extra francs,
+whereas I had expected to get quite a number of them.
+This was the first time I had ever used the courier at
+the bank.  I had suspected something then, and as long
+as he remained with me afterward I managed bank matters
+by myself.
+
+<p>Still, if I felt that I could afford the tax, I would
+never travel without a courier, for a good courier is
+a convenience whose value cannot be estimated in dollars
+and cents.  Without him, travel is a bitter harassment,
+a purgatory of little exasperating annoyances, a ceaseless
+and pitiless punishment&mdash;I mean to an irascible man
+who has no business capacity and is confused by details.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p351"></a><img alt="p351.jpg (40K)" src="images/p351.jpg" height="401" width="545">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>Without a courier, travel hasn't a ray of pleasure
+in it, anywhere; but with him it is a continuous and
+unruffled delight.  He is always at hand, never has to be
+sent for; if your bell is not answered promptly&mdash;and it
+seldom is&mdash;you have only to open the door and speak,
+the courier will hear, and he will have the order attended
+to or raise an insurrection.  You tell him what day
+you will start, and whither you are going&mdash;leave all
+the rest to him.  You need not inquire about trains,
+or fares, or car changes, or hotels, or anything else.
+At the proper time he will put you in a cab or an omnibus,
+and drive you to the train or the boat; he has packed your
+luggage and transferred it, he has paid all the bills.
+Other people have preceded you half an hour to scramble
+for impossible places and lose their tempers, but you can
+take your time; the courier has secured your seats for you,
+and you can occupy them at your leisure.
+
+<p>At the station, the crowd mash one another to pulp in the
+effort to get the weigher's attention to their trunks;
+they dispute hotly with these tyrants, who are cool
+and indifferent; they get their baggage billets, at last,
+and then have another squeeze and another rage over the
+disheartening business of trying to get them recorded and
+paid for, and still another over the equally disheartening
+business of trying to get near enough to the ticket
+office to buy a ticket; and now, with their tempers gone
+to the dogs, they must stand penned up and packed together,
+laden with wraps and satchels and shawl-straps, with the
+weary wife and babies, in the waiting-room, till the doors
+are thrown open&mdash;and then all hands make a grand final
+rush to the train, find it full, and have to stand on
+the platform and fret until some more cars are put on.
+They are in a condition to kill somebody by this time.
+Meantime, you have been sitting in your car, smoking,
+and observing all this misery in the extremest comfort.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p352"></a><img alt="p352.jpg (64K)" src="images/p352.jpg" height="485" width="561">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>On the journey the guard is polite and watchful&mdash;won't
+allow anybody to get into your compartment&mdash;tells them
+you are just recovering from the small-pox and do not
+like to be disturbed.  For the courier has made everything
+right with the guard.  At way-stations the courier comes
+to your compartment to see if you want a glass of water,
+or a newspaper, or anything; at eating-stations he sends
+luncheon out to you, while the other people scramble
+and worry in the dining-rooms. If anything breaks about
+the car you are in, and a station-master proposes to pack
+you and your agent into a compartment with strangers,
+the courier reveals to him confidentially that you are
+a French duke born deaf and dumb, and the official comes
+and makes affable signs that he has ordered a choice car
+to be added to the train for you.
+
+<p>At custom-houses the multitude file tediously through,
+hot and irritated, and look on while the officers
+burrow into the trunks and make a mess of everything;
+but you hand your keys to the courier and sit still.
+Perhaps you arrive at your destination in a rain-storm
+at ten at night&mdash;you generally do.  The multitude
+spend half an hour verifying their baggage and getting
+it transferred to the omnibuses; but the courier puts
+you into a vehicle without a moment's loss of time,
+and when you reach your hotel you find your rooms have been
+secured two or three days in advance, everything is ready,
+you can go at once to bed.  Some of those other people will
+have to drift around to two or three hotels, in the rain,
+before they find accommodations.
+
+<p>I have not set down half of the virtues that are
+vested in a good courier, but I think I have set down
+a sufficiency of them to show that an irritable man
+who can afford one and does not employ him is not a
+wise economist.  My courier was the worst one in Europe,
+yet he was a good deal better than none at all.
+It could not pay him to be a better one than he was,
+because I could not afford to buy things through him.
+He was a good enough courier for the small amount he
+got out of his service.  Yes, to travel with a courier
+is bliss, to travel without one is the reverse.
+
+<p>I have had dealings with some very bad couriers; but I have also
+had dealings with one who might fairly be called perfection.
+He was a young Polander, named Joseph N. Verey.  He spoke
+eight languages, and seemed to be equally at home in all
+of them; he was shrewd, prompt, posted, and punctual;
+he was fertile in resources, and singularly gifted in
+the matter of overcoming difficulties; he not only knew
+how to do everything in his line, but he knew the best ways
+and the quickest; he was handy with children and invalids;
+all his employer needed to do was to take life easy
+and leave everything to the courier.  His address is,
+care of Messrs.  Gay &amp; Son, Strand, London; he was formerly
+a conductor of Gay's tourist parties.  Excellent couriers
+are somewhat rare; if the reader is about to travel,
+he will find it to his advantage to make a note of this one.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p354"></a><img alt="p354.jpg (22K)" src="images/p354.jpg" height="275" width="361">
+</center>
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+<a name="ch33"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XXXIII</h2>
+<h3>[We Climb Far&mdash;by Buggy]</h3></center>
+<br><br>
+
+
+<p>The beautiful Giesbach Fall is near Interlaken, on the
+other side of the lake of Brienz, and is illuminated
+every night with those gorgeous theatrical fires whose
+name I cannot call just at this moment.  This was said
+to be a spectacle which the tourist ought by no means
+to miss.  I was strongly tempted, but I could not go
+there with propriety, because one goes in a boat.
+The task which I had set myself was to walk over Europe
+on foot, not skim over it in a boat.  I had made a tacit
+contract with myself; it was my duty to abide by it.
+I was willing to make boat trips for pleasure, but I could
+not conscientiously make them in the way of business.
+
+<p>It cost me something of a pang to lose that fine sight,
+but I lived down the desire, and gained in my self-respect
+through the triumph.  I had a finer and a grander sight,
+however, where I was.  This was the mighty dome of the Jungfrau
+softly outlined against the sky and faintly silvered by
+the starlight.  There was something subduing in the influence
+of that silent and solemn and awful presence; one seemed
+to meet the immutable, the indestructible, the eternal,
+face to face, and to feel the trivial and fleeting nature
+of his own existence the more sharply by the contrast.
+One had the sense of being under the brooding contemplation
+of a spirit, not an inert mass of rocks and ice&mdash;a spirit
+which had looked down, through the slow drift of the ages,
+upon a million vanished races of men, and judged them;
+and would judge a million more&mdash;and still be there,
+watching, unchanged and unchangeable, after all life
+should be gone and the earth have become a vacant desolation.
+
+<p>While I was feeling these things, I was groping,
+without knowing it, toward an understanding of what the
+spell is which people find in the Alps, and in no other
+mountains&mdash;that strange, deep, nameless influence, which,
+once felt, cannot be forgotten&mdash;once felt, leaves always
+behind it a restless longing to feel it again&mdash;a longing
+which is like homesickness; a grieving, haunting yearning
+which will plead, implore, and persecute till it has its will.
+I met dozens of people, imaginative and unimaginative,
+cultivated and uncultivated, who had come from far countries
+and roamed through the Swiss Alps year after year&mdash;they
+could not explain why.  They had come first, they said,
+out of idle curiosity, because everybody talked about it;
+they had come since because they could not help it, and they
+should keep on coming, while they lived, for the same reason;
+they had tried to break their chains and stay away,
+but it was futile; now, they had no desire to break them.
+Others came nearer formulating what they felt; they said they
+could find perfect rest and peace nowhere else when they
+were troubled: all frets and worries and chafings sank to
+sleep in the presence of the benignant serenity of the Alps;
+the Great Spirit of the Mountain breathed his own peace
+upon their hurt minds and sore hearts, and healed them;
+they could not think base thoughts or do mean and sordid
+things here, before the visible throne of God.
+
+<p>Down the road a piece was a Kursaal&mdash;whatever that may
+be&mdash;and we joined the human tide to see what sort of enjoyment
+it might afford.  It was the usual open-air concert,
+in an ornamental garden, with wines, beer, milk, whey,
+grapes, etc.&mdash;the whey and the grapes being necessaries
+of life to certain invalids whom physicians cannot repair,
+and who only continue to exist by the grace of whey
+or grapes.  One of these departed spirits told me,
+in a sad and lifeless way, that there is no way for him
+to live but by whey, and dearly, dearly loved whey,
+he didn't know whey he did, but he did.  After making
+this pun he died&mdash;that is the whey it served him.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p357"></a><img alt="p357.jpg (25K)" src="images/p357.jpg" height="335" width="539">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>Some other remains, preserved from decomposition
+by the grape system, told me that the grapes were of
+a peculiar breed, highly medicinal in their nature,
+and that they were counted out and administered by the
+grape-doctors as methodically as if they were pills.
+The new patient, if very feeble, began with one grape
+before breakfast, took three during breakfast, a couple
+between meals, five at luncheon, three in the afternoon,
+seven at dinner, four for supper, and part of a grape
+just before going to bed, by way of a general regulator.
+The quantity was gradually and regularly increased,
+according to the needs and capacities of the patient,
+until by and by you would find him disposing of his one
+grape per second all the day long, and his regular barrel
+per day.
+
+<p>He said that men cured in this way, and enabled to discard
+the grape system, never afterward got over the habit
+of talking as if they were dictating to a slow amanuensis,
+because they always made a pause between each two words
+while they sucked the substance out of an imaginary grape.
+He said these were tedious people to talk with.
+He said that men who had been cured by the other process
+were easily distinguished from the rest of mankind
+because they always tilted their heads back, between every
+two words, and swallowed a swig of imaginary whey.
+He said it was an impressive thing to observe two men,
+who had been cured by the two processes, engaged in
+conversation&mdash;said their pauses and accompanying movements
+were so continuous and regular that a stranger would think
+himself in the presence of a couple of automatic machines.
+One finds out a great many wonderful things, by traveling,
+if he stumbles upon the right person.
+
+<p>I did not remain long at the Kursaal; the music was
+good enough, but it seemed rather tame after the cyclone
+of that Arkansaw expert.  Besides, my adventurous spirit
+had conceived a formidable enterprise&mdash;nothing less
+than a trip from Interlaken, by the Gemmi and Visp,
+clear to Zermatt, on foot! So it was necessary to plan
+the details, and get ready for an early start.  The courier
+(this was not the one I have just been speaking of)
+thought that the portier of the hotel would be able
+to tell us how to find our way.  And so it turned out.
+He showed us the whole thing, on a relief-map, and we could
+see our route, with all its elevations and depressions,
+its villages and its rivers, as clearly as if we were sailing
+over it in a balloon.  A relief-map is a great thing.
+The portier also wrote down each day's journey and the
+nightly hotel on a piece of paper, and made our course
+so plain that we should never be able to get lost without
+high-priced outside help.
+
+<p>I put the courier in the care of a gentleman who was
+going to Lausanne, and then we went to bed, after laying
+out the walking-costumes and putting them into condition
+for instant occupation in the morning.
+
+<p>However, when we came down to breakfast at 8 A.M., it
+looked so much like rain that I hired a two-horse top-buggy
+for the first third of the journey.  For two or three hours
+we jogged along the level road which skirts the beautiful
+lake of Thun, with a dim and dreamlike picture of watery
+expanses and spectral Alpine forms always before us,
+veiled in a mellowing mist.  Then a steady downpour
+set in, and hid everything but the nearest objects.
+We kept the rain out of our faces with umbrellas, and away
+from our bodies with the leather apron of the buggy;
+but the driver sat unsheltered and placidly soaked the weather
+in and seemed to like it.  We had the road to ourselves,
+and I never had a pleasanter excursion.
+
+<p>The weather began to clear while we were driving up
+a valley called the Kienthal, and presently a vast black
+cloud-bank in front of us dissolved away and uncurtained
+the grand proportions and the soaring loftiness of the
+Blumis Alp.  It was a sort of breath-taking surprise;
+for we had not supposed there was anything behind
+that low-hung blanket of sable cloud but level valley.
+What we had been mistaking for fleeting glimpses of sky
+away aloft there, were really patches of the Blumis's
+snowy crest caught through shredded rents in the drifting
+pall of vapor.
+
+<p>We dined in the inn at Frutigen, and our driver ought
+to have dined there, too, but he would not have had
+time to dine and get drunk both, so he gave his mind
+to making a masterpiece of the latter, and succeeded.
+A German gentleman and his two young-lady daughters had
+been taking their nooning at the inn, and when they left,
+just ahead of us, it was plain that their driver was
+as drunk as ours, and as happy and good-natured, too,
+which was saying a good deal.  These rascals overflowed
+with attentions and information for their guests, and with
+brotherly love for each other.  They tied their reins,
+and took off their coats and hats, so that they might
+be able to give unencumbered attention to conversation
+and to the gestures necessary for its illustration.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p360"></a><img alt="p360.jpg (42K)" src="images/p360.jpg" height="479" width="559">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>The road was smooth; it led up and over and down a continual
+succession of hills; but it was narrow, the horses were
+used to it, and could not well get out of it anyhow;
+so why shouldn't the drivers entertain themselves and us?
+The noses of our horses projected sociably into the rear
+of the forward carriage, and as we toiled up the long
+hills our driver stood up and talked to his friend,
+and his friend stood up and talked back to him, with his
+rear to the scenery.  When the top was reached and we
+went flying down the other side, there was no change in
+the program.  I carry in my memory yet the picture of that
+forward driver, on his knees on his high seat, resting his
+elbows on its back, and beaming down on his passengers,
+with happy eye, and flying hair, and jolly red face,
+and offering his card to the old German gentleman while he
+praised his hack and horses, and both teams were whizzing
+down a long hill with nobody in a position to tell whether
+we were bound to destruction or an undeserved safety.
+
+<p>Toward sunset we entered a beautiful green valley dotted
+with chalets, a cozy little domain hidden away from the busy
+world in a cloistered nook among giant precipices topped
+with snowy peaks that seemed to float like islands above
+the curling surf of the sea of vapor that severed them from
+the lower world.  Down from vague and vaporous heights,
+little ruffled zigzag milky currents came crawling,
+and found their way to the verge of one of those tremendous
+overhanging walls, whence they plunged, a shaft of silver,
+shivered to atoms in mid-descent and turned to an air puff
+of luminous dust.  Here and there, in grooved depressions
+among the snowy desolations of the upper altitudes,
+one glimpsed the extremity of a glacier, with its sea-green
+and honeycombed battlements of ice.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p361"></a><img alt="p361.jpg (42K)" src="images/p361.jpg" height="827" width="309">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>Up the valley, under a dizzy precipice, nestled the
+village of Kandersteg, our halting-place for the night.
+We were soon there, and housed in the hotel.  But the waning
+day had such an inviting influence that we did not remain
+housed many moments, but struck out and followed a roaring
+torrent of ice-water up to its far source in a sort of
+little grass-carpeted parlor, walled in all around by vast
+precipices and overlooked by clustering summits of ice.
+This was the snuggest little croquet-ground imaginable;
+it was perfectly level, and not more than a mile long
+by half a mile wide.  The walls around it were so gigantic,
+and everything about it was on so mighty a scale that it
+was belittled, by contrast, to what I have likened it
+to&mdash;a cozy and carpeted parlor.  It was so high above
+the Kandersteg valley that there was nothing between it
+and the snowy-peaks. I had never been in such intimate
+relations with the high altitudes before; the snow-peaks
+had always been remote and unapproachable grandeurs,
+hitherto, but now we were hob-a-nob&mdash;if one may use
+such a seemingly irreverent expression about creations
+so august as these.
+
+<p>We could see the streams which fed the torrent we
+had followed issuing from under the greenish ramparts
+of glaciers; but two or three of these, instead of flowing
+over the precipices, sank down into the rock and sprang
+in big jets out of holes in the mid-face of the walls.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p362"></a><img alt="p362.jpg (65K)" src="images/p362.jpg" height="733" width="583">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>The green nook which I have been describing is called
+the Gasternthal.  The glacier streams gather and flow through
+it in a broad and rushing brook to a narrow cleft between
+lofty precipices; here the rushing brook becomes a mad torrent
+and goes booming and thundering down toward Kandersteg,
+lashing and thrashing its way over and among monster boulders,
+and hurling chance roots and logs about like straws.
+There was no lack of cascades along this route.
+The path by the side of the torrent was so narrow
+that one had to look sharp, when he heard a cow-bell,
+and hunt for a place that was wide enough to accommodate
+a cow and a Christian side by side, and such places were
+not always to be had at an instant's notice.  The cows
+wear church-bells, and that is a good idea in the cows,
+for where that torrent is, you couldn't hear an ordinary
+cow-bell any further than you could hear the ticking of a watch.
+
+<p>I needed exercise, so I employed my agent in setting
+stranded logs and dead trees adrift, and I sat on a
+boulder and watched them go whirling and leaping head
+over heels down the boiling torrent.  It was a wonderfully
+exhilarating spectacle.  When I had had enough exercise,
+I made the agent take some, by running a race with one
+of those logs.  I made a trifle by betting on the log.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p363"></a><img alt="p363.jpg (53K)" src="images/p363.jpg" height="791" width="417">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>After dinner we had a walk up and down the Kandersteg valley,
+in the soft gloaming, with the spectacle of the dying lights
+of day playing about the crests and pinnacles of the still
+and solemn upper realm for contrast, and text for talk.
+There were no sounds but the dulled complaining of the
+torrent and the occasional tinkling of a distant bell.
+The spirit of the place was a sense of deep, pervading peace;
+one might dream his life tranquilly away there, and not miss
+it or mind it when it was gone.
+
+<p>The summer departed with the sun, and winter came with
+the stars.  It grew to be a bitter night in that little hotel,
+backed up against a precipice that had no visible top to it,
+but we kept warm, and woke in time in the morning to find
+that everybody else had left for Gemmi three hours
+before&mdash;so our little plan of helping that German family (principally
+the old man) over the pass, was a blocked generosity.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p364"></a><img alt="p364.jpg (22K)" src="images/p364.jpg" height="317" width="351">
+</center>
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+<a name="ch34"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XXXIV</h2>
+<h3>[The World's Highest Pig Farm]</h3></center>
+<br><br>
+
+
+<p>We hired the only guide left, to lead us on our way.
+He was over seventy, but he could have given me nine-tenths
+of his strength and still had all his age entitled him to.
+He shouldered our satchels, overcoats, and alpenstocks,
+and we set out up the steep path.  It was hot work.
+The old man soon begged us to hand over our coats
+and waistcoats to him to carry, too, and we did it;
+one could not refuse so little a thing to a poor old man
+like that; he should have had them if he had been a hundred
+and fifty.
+
+<p>When we began that ascent, we could see a microscopic
+chalet perched away up against heaven on what seemed
+to be the highest mountain near us.  It was on our right,
+across the narrow head of the valley.  But when we got
+up abreast it on its own level, mountains were towering
+high above on every hand, and we saw that its altitude
+was just about that of the little Gasternthal which we had
+visited the evening before.  Still it seemed a long way up
+in the air, in that waste and lonely wilderness of rocks.
+It had an unfenced grass-plot in front of it which seemed
+about as big as a billiard-table, and this grass-plot
+slanted so sharply downward, and was so brief, and ended
+so exceedingly soon at the verge of the absolute precipice,
+that it was a shuddery thing to think of a person's venturing
+to trust his foot on an incline so situated at all.
+Suppose a man stepped on an orange peel in that yard;
+there would be nothing for him to seize; nothing could
+keep him from rolling; five revolutions would bring him
+to the edge, and over he would go.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p366"></a><img alt="p366.jpg (40K)" src="images/p366.jpg" height="481" width="395">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>What a frightful distance
+he would fall!&mdash;for there are very few birds that fly
+as high as his starting-point. He would strike and bounce,
+two or three times, on his way down, but this would be
+no advantage to him.  I would as soon take an airing
+on the slant of a rainbow as in such a front yard.
+I would rather, in fact, for the distance down would be about
+the same, and it is pleasanter to slide than to bounce.
+I could not see how the peasants got up to that
+chalet&mdash;the region seemed too steep for anything but a balloon.
+
+<p>As we strolled on, climbing up higher and higher, we were
+continually bringing neighboring peaks into view and lofty
+prominence which had been hidden behind lower peaks before;
+so by and by, while standing before a group of these giants,
+we looked around for the chalet again; there it was,
+away down below us, apparently on an inconspicuous ridge
+in the valley! It was as far below us, now, as it had been
+above us when we were beginning the ascent.
+
+<p>After a while the path led us along a railed precipice,
+and we looked over&mdash;far beneath us was the snug parlor again,
+the little Gasternthal, with its water jets spouting
+from the face of its rock walls.  We could have dropped
+a stone into it.  We had been finding the top of the world
+all along&mdash;and always finding a still higher top stealing
+into view in a disappointing way just ahead; when we looked
+down into the Gasternthal we felt pretty sure that we
+had reached the genuine top at last, but it was not so;
+there were much higher altitudes to be scaled yet.
+We were still in the pleasant shade of forest trees,
+we were still in a region which was cushioned with beautiful
+mosses and aglow with the many-tinted luster of innumerable
+wild flowers.
+
+<p>We found, indeed, more interest in the wild flowers
+than in anything else.  We gathered a specimen or two
+of every kind which we were unacquainted with; so we
+had sumptuous bouquets.  But one of the chief interests
+lay in chasing the seasons of the year up the mountain,
+and determining them by the presence of flowers and
+berries which we were acquainted with.  For instance,
+it was the end of August at the level of the sea;
+in the Kandersteg valley at the base of the pass,
+we found flowers which would not be due at the sea-level
+for two or three weeks; higher up, we entered October,
+and gathered fringed gentians.  I made no notes, and have
+forgotten the details, but the construction of the floral
+calendar was very entertaining while it lasted.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p367"></a><img alt="p367.jpg (38K)" src="images/p367.jpg" height="577" width="385">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>In the high regions we found rich store of the splendid
+red flower called the Alpine rose, but we did not find
+any examples of the ugly Swiss favorite called Edelweiss.
+Its name seems to indicate that it is a noble flower
+and that it is white.  It may be noble enough,
+but it is not attractive, and it is not white.
+The fuzzy blossom is the color of bad cigar ashes,
+and appears to be made of a cheap quality of gray plush.
+It has a noble and distant way of confining itself to the
+high altitudes, but that is probably on account of its looks;
+it apparently has no monopoly of those upper altitudes,
+however, for they are sometimes intruded upon by some
+of the loveliest of the valley families of wild flowers.
+Everybody in the Alps wears a sprig of Edelweiss in his hat.
+It is the native's pet, and also the tourist's.
+
+<p>All the morning, as we loafed along, having a good time,
+other pedestrians went staving by us with vigorous strides,
+and with the intent and determined look of men who were
+walking for a wager.  These wore loose knee-breeches, long
+yarn stockings, and hobnailed high-laced walking-shoes.
+They were gentlemen who would go home to England or Germany
+and tell how many miles they had beaten the guide-book
+every day.  But I doubted if they ever had much real fun,
+outside of the mere magnificent exhilaration of the
+tramp through the green valleys and the breezy heights;
+for they were almost always alone, and even the finest
+scenery loses incalculably when there is no one to enjoy
+it with.
+
+<p>All the morning an endless double procession of mule-mounted
+tourists filed past us along the narrow path&mdash;the one
+procession going, the other coming.  We had taken
+a good deal of trouble to teach ourselves the kindly
+German custom of saluting all strangers with doffed hat,
+and we resolutely clung to it, that morning, although it
+kept us bareheaded most of the time and was not always
+responded to.  Still we found an interest in the thing,
+because we naturally liked to know who were English
+and Americans among the passers-by. All continental
+natives responded of course; so did some of the English
+and Americans, but, as a general thing, these two races
+gave no sign.  Whenever a man or a woman showed us
+cold neglect, we spoke up confidently in our own tongue
+and asked for such information as we happened to need,
+and we always got a reply in the same language.
+The English and American folk are not less kindly than
+other races, they are only more reserved, and that comes
+of habit and education.  In one dreary, rocky waste,
+away above the line of vegetation, we met a procession
+of twenty-five mounted young men, all from America.
+We got answering bows enough from these, of course,
+for they were of an age to learn to do in Rome as Rome does,
+without much effort.
+
+<p>At one extremity of this patch of desolation, overhung by bare
+and forbidding crags which husbanded drifts of everlasting
+snow in their shaded cavities, was a small stretch
+of thin and discouraged grass, and a man and a family
+of pigs were actually living here in some shanties.
+Consequently this place could be really reckoned as
+"property"; it had a money value, and was doubtless taxed.
+I think it must have marked the limit of real estate
+in this world.  It would be hard to set a money value
+upon any piece of earth that lies between that spot
+and the empty realm of space.  That man may claim the
+distinction of owning the end of the world, for if there
+is any definite end to the world he has certainly found it.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p369"></a><img alt="p369.jpg (32K)" src="images/p369.jpg" height="447" width="427">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>From here forward we moved through a storm-swept
+and smileless desolation.  All about us rose gigantic
+masses, crags, and ramparts of bare and dreary rock,
+with not a vestige or semblance of plant or tree or
+flower anywhere, or glimpse of any creature that had life.
+The frost and the tempests of unnumbered ages had battered
+and hacked at these cliffs, with a deathless energy,
+destroying them piecemeal; so all the region about
+their bases was a tumbled chaos of great fragments
+which had been split off and hurled to the ground.
+Soiled and aged banks of snow lay close about our path.
+The ghastly desolation of the place was as tremendously
+complete as if Doré had furnished the working-plans
+for it.  But every now and then, through the stern
+gateways around us we caught a view of some neighboring
+majestic dome, sheathed with glittering ice, and displaying
+its white purity at an elevation compared to which
+ours was groveling and plebeian, and this spectacle
+always chained one's interest and admiration at once,
+and made him forget there was anything ugly in the world.
+
+<p>I have just said that there was nothing but death
+and desolation in these hideous places, but I forgot.
+In the most forlorn and arid and dismal one of all,
+where the racked and splintered debris was thickest,
+where the ancient patches of snow lay against the very path,
+where the winds blew bitterest and the general aspect was
+mournfulest and dreariest, and furthest from any suggestion
+of cheer or hope, I found a solitary wee forget-me-not
+flourishing away, not a droop about it anywhere,
+but holding its bright blue star up with the prettiest
+and gallantest air in the world, the only happy spirit,
+the only smiling thing, in all that grisly desert.
+She seemed to say, "Cheer up!&mdash;as long as we are here,
+let us make the best of it." I judged she had earned
+a right to a more hospitable place; so I plucked her up
+and sent her to America to a friend who would respect
+her for the fight she had made, all by her small self,
+to make a whole vast despondent Alpine desolation stop
+breaking its heart over the unalterable, and hold up its
+head and look at the bright side of things for once.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p371"></a><img alt="p371.jpg (10K)" src="images/p371.jpg" height="263" width="257">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>We stopped for a nooning at a strongly built little inn
+called the Schwarenbach.  It sits in a lonely spot among
+the peaks, where it is swept by the trailing fringes
+of the cloud-rack, and is rained on, and snowed on,
+and pelted and persecuted by the storms, nearly every day
+of its life.  It was the only habitation in the whole
+Gemmi Pass.
+
+<p>Close at hand, now, was a chance for a blood-curdling
+Alpine adventure.  Close at hand was the snowy mass
+of the Great Altels cooling its topknot in the sky
+and daring us to an ascent.  I was fired with the idea,
+and immediately made up my mind to procure the necessary
+guides, ropes, etc., and undertake it.  I instructed
+Harris to go to the landlord of the inn and set him
+about our preparations.  Meantime, I went diligently
+to work to read up and find out what this much-talked-of
+mountain-climbing was like, and how one should go about
+it&mdash;for in these matters I was ignorant.  I opened
+Mr. Hinchliff's SUMMER MONTHS AMONG THE ALPS (published
+1857), and selected his account of his ascent of Monte Rosa.
+
+<p>It began:
+
+<p>  "It is very difficult to free the mind from excitement
+    on the evening before a grand expedition&mdash;"
+
+<p>I saw that I was too calm; so I walked the room a while
+and worked myself into a high excitement; but the book's
+next remark &mdash;that the adventurer must get up at two
+in the morning&mdash;came as near as anything to flatting it
+all out again.  However, I reinforced it, and read on,
+about how Mr. Hinchliff dressed by candle-light and was "soon
+down among the guides, who were bustling about in the passage,
+packing provisions, and making every preparation for the start";
+and how he glanced out into the cold clear night and saw
+that&mdash;
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p373"></a><img alt="p373.jpg (46K)" src="images/p373.jpg" height="747" width="357">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>"The whole sky was blazing with stars, larger and brighter
+than they appear through the dense atmosphere breathed
+by inhabitants of the lower parts of the earth.
+They seemed actually suspended from the dark vault
+of heaven, and their gentle light shed a fairylike gleam
+over the snow-fields around the foot of the Matterhorn,
+which raised its stupendous pinnacle on high, penetrating to
+the heart of the Great Bear, and crowning itself with a
+diadem of his magnificent stars.  Not a sound disturbed
+the deep tranquillity of the night, except the distant
+roar of streams which rush from the high plateau of the
+St. Theodule glacier, and fall headlong over precipitous
+rocks till they lose themselves in the mazes of
+the Gorner glacier."
+
+<p>He took his hot toast and coffee, and then about
+half past three his caravan of ten men filed away
+from the Riffel Hotel, and began the steep climb.
+At half past five he happened to turn around, and "beheld
+the glorious spectacle of the Matterhorn, just touched
+by the rosy-fingered morning, and looking like a huge
+pyramid of fire rising out of the barren ocean of ice
+and rock around it." Then the Breithorn and the Dent
+Blanche caught the radiant glow; but "the intervening
+mass of Monte Rosa made it necessary for us to climb many
+long hours before we could hope to see the sun himself,
+yet the whole air soon grew warmer after the splendid
+birth of the day."
+
+<p>He gazed at the lofty crown of Monte Rosa and the wastes
+of snow that guarded its steep approaches, and the chief
+guide delivered the opinion that no man could conquer
+their awful heights and put his foot upon that summit.
+But the adventurers moved steadily on, nevertheless.
+
+<p>They toiled up, and up, and still up; they passed
+the Grand Plateau; then toiled up a steep shoulder
+of the mountain, clinging like flies to its rugged face;
+and now they were confronted by a tremendous wall from
+which great blocks of ice and snow were evidently in the
+habit of falling.  They turned aside to skirt this wall,
+and gradually ascended until their way was barred by a "maze
+of gigantic snow crevices,"&mdash;so they turned aside again,
+and "began a long climb of sufficient steepness to make
+a zigzag course necessary."
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p375"></a><img alt="p375.jpg (53K)" src="images/p375.jpg" height="843" width="351">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>Fatigue compelled them to halt frequently, for a moment
+or two.  At one of these halts somebody called out,
+"Look at Mont Blanc!" and "we were at once made aware
+of the very great height we had attained by actually seeing
+the monarch of the Alps and his attendant satellites
+right over the top of the Breithorn, itself at least
+14,000 feet high!"
+
+<p>These people moved in single file, and were all tied
+to a strong rope, at regular distances apart, so that if
+one of them slipped on those giddy heights, the others
+could brace themselves on their alpenstocks and save him
+from darting into the valley, thousands of feet below.
+By and by they came to an ice-coated ridge which was tilted
+up at a sharp angle, and had a precipice on one side of it.
+They had to climb this, so the guide in the lead cut
+steps in the ice with his hatchet, and as fast as he
+took his toes out of one of these slight holes, the toes
+of the man behind him occupied it.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p376"></a><img alt="p376.jpg (76K)" src="images/p376.jpg" height="775" width="547">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>"Slowly and steadily we kept on our way over this dangerous
+part of the ascent, and I dare say it was fortunate for
+some of us that attention was distracted from the head
+by the paramount necessity of looking after the feet;
+FOR, WHILE ON THE LEFT THE INCLINE OF ICE WAS SO STEEP
+THAT IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ANY MAN TO SAVE HIMSELF
+IN CASE OF A SLIP, UNLESS THE OTHERS COULD HOLD HIM UP,
+ON THE RIGHT WE MIGHT DROP A PEBBLE FROM THE HAND OVER
+PRECIPICES OF UNKNOWN EXTENT DOWN UPON THE TREMENDOUS
+GLACIER BELOW.
+
+<p>"Great caution, therefore, was absolutely necessary,
+and in this exposed situation we were attacked by all
+the fury of that grand enemy of aspirants to Monte
+Rosa&mdash;a severe and bitterly cold wind from the north.
+The fine powdery snow was driven past us in the clouds,
+penetrating the interstices of our clothes, and the pieces
+of ice which flew from the blows of Peter's ax were
+whisked into the air, and then dashed over the precipice.
+We had quite enough to do to prevent ourselves from being
+served in the same ruthless fashion, and now and then,
+in the more violent gusts of wind, were glad to stick our
+alpenstocks into the ice and hold on hard."
+
+<p>Having surmounted this perilous steep, they sat down and
+took a brief rest with their backs against a sheltering
+rock and their heels dangling over a bottomless abyss;
+then they climbed to the base of another ridge&mdash;a more
+difficult and dangerous one still:
+
+<p>"The whole of the ridge was exceedingly narrow, and the
+fall on each side desperately steep, but the ice in some
+of these intervals between the masses of rock assumed
+the form of a mere sharp edge, almost like a knife;
+these places, though not more than three or four short
+paces in length, looked uncommonly awkward; but, like the
+sword leading true believers to the gates of Paradise,
+they must needs be passed before we could attain to
+the summit of our ambition.  These were in one or two
+places so narrow, that in stepping over them with toes
+well turned out for greater security, ONE END OF THE
+FOOT PROJECTED OVER THE AWFUL PRECIPICE ON THE RIGHT,
+WHILE THE OTHER WAS ON THE BEGINNING OF THE ICE SLOPE ON
+THE LEFT, WHICH WAS SCARCELY LESS STEEP THAN THE ROCKS.
+On these occasions Peter would take my hand, and each
+of us stretching as far as we could, he was thus enabled
+to get a firm footing two paces or rather more from me,
+whence a spring would probably bring him to the rock
+on the other side; then, turning around, he called
+to me to come, and, taking a couple of steps carefully,
+I was met at the third by his outstretched hand ready
+to clasp mine, and in a moment stood by his side.
+The others followed in much the same fashion.  Once my
+right foot slipped on the side toward the precipice,
+but I threw out my left arm in a moment so that it caught
+the icy edge under my armpit as I fell, and supported
+me considerably; at the same instant I cast my eyes
+down the side on which I had slipped, and contrived
+to plant my right foot on a piece of rock as large as a
+cricket-ball, which chanced to protrude through the ice,
+on the very edge of the precipice.  Being thus anchored
+fore and aft, as it were, I believe I could easily have
+recovered myself, even if I had been alone, though it must
+be confessed the situation would have been an awful one;
+as it was, however, a jerk from Peter settled the matter
+very soon, and I was on my legs all right in an instant.
+The rope is an immense help in places of this kind."
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p379"></a><img alt="p379.jpg (19K)" src="images/p379.jpg" height="443" width="239">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>Now they arrived at the base of a great knob or dome
+veneered with ice and powdered with snow&mdash;the utmost,
+summit, the last bit of solidity between them and the hollow
+vault of heaven.  They set to work with their hatchets,
+and were soon creeping, insectlike, up its surface, with their
+heels projecting over the thinnest kind of nothingness,
+thickened up a little with a few wandering shreds and
+films of cloud moving in a lazy procession far below.
+Presently, one man's toe-hold broke and he fell! There he
+dangled in mid-air at the end of the rope, like a spider,
+till his friends above hauled him into place again.
+
+<p>A little bit later, the party stood upon the wee pedestal
+of the very summit, in a driving wind, and looked out
+upon the vast green expanses of Italy and a shoreless
+ocean of billowy Alps.
+
+<p>When I had read thus far, Harris broke into the room
+in a noble excitement and said the ropes and the guides
+were secured, and asked if I was ready.  I said I
+believed I wouldn't ascend the Altels this time.
+I said Alp-climbing was a different thing from what I had
+supposed it was, and so I judged we had better study its
+points a little more before we went definitely into it.
+But I told him to retain the guides and order them to
+follow us to Zermatt, because I meant to use them there.
+I said I could feel the spirit of adventure beginning
+to stir in me, and was sure that the fell fascination
+of Alp-climbing would soon be upon me.  I said he could
+make up his mind to it that we would do a deed before we
+were a week older which would make the hair of the timid
+curl with fright.
+
+<p>This made Harris happy, and filled him with ambitious
+anticipations.  He went at once to tell the guides to
+follow us to Zermatt and bring all their paraphernalia
+with them.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p380"></a><img alt="p380.jpg (23K)" src="images/p380.jpg" height="517" width="409">
+</center>
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+<a name="ch35"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XXXV</h2>
+<h3>[Swindling the Coroner]</h3></center>
+<br><br>
+
+
+<p>A great and priceless thing is a new interest! How
+it takes possession of a man! how it clings to him,
+how it rides him! I strode onward from the Schwarenbach
+hostelry a changed man, a reorganized personality.
+I walked into a new world, I saw with new eyes.
+I had been looking aloft at the giant show-peaks only as
+things to be worshiped for their grandeur and magnitude,
+and their unspeakable grace of form; I looked up at
+them now, as also things to be conquered and climbed.
+My sense of their grandeur and their noble beauty
+was neither lost nor impaired; I had gained a new
+interest in the mountains without losing the old ones.
+I followed the steep lines up, inch by inch, with my eye,
+and noted the possibility or impossibility of following
+them with my feet.  When I saw a shining helmet of ice
+projecting above the clouds, I tried to imagine I saw
+files of black specks toiling up it roped together with a
+gossamer thread.
+
+<p>We skirted the lonely little lake called the Daubensee,
+and presently passed close by a glacier on the
+right&mdash;a thing like a great river frozen solid in its flow
+and broken square off like a wall at its mouth.
+I had never been so near a glacier before.
+
+<p>Here we came upon a new board shanty, and found some men
+engaged in building a stone house; so the Schwarenbach was
+soon to have a rival.  We bought a bottle or so of beer here;
+at any rate they called it beer, but I knew by the price
+that it was dissolved jewelry, and I perceived by the
+taste that dissolved jewelry is not good stuff to drink.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p382"></a><img alt="p382.jpg (45K)" src="images/p382.jpg" height="461" width="555">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>We were surrounded by a hideous desolation.  We stepped
+forward to a sort of jumping-off place, and were confronted
+by a startling contrast: we seemed to look down into fairyland.
+Two or three thousand feet below us was a bright green level,
+with a pretty town in its midst, and a silvery stream
+winding among the meadows; the charming spot was walled
+in on all sides by gigantic precipices clothed with pines;
+and over the pines, out of the softened distances,
+rose the snowy domes and peaks of the Monte Rosa region.
+How exquisitely green and beautiful that little valley
+down there was! The distance was not great enough to
+obliterate details, it only made them little, and mellow,
+and dainty, like landscapes and towns seen through the
+wrong end of a spy-glass.
+
+<p>Right under us a narrow ledge rose up out of the valley,
+with a green, slanting, bench-shaped top, and grouped
+about upon this green-baize bench were a lot of black
+and white sheep which looked merely like oversized worms.
+The bench seemed lifted well up into our neighborhood,
+but that was a deception&mdash;it was a long way down to it.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p383"></a><img alt="p383.jpg (98K)" src="images/p383.jpg" height="408" width="650">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>We began our descent, now, by the most remarkable road I
+have ever seen.  It wound its corkscrew curves down the face
+of the colossal precipice&mdash;a narrow way, with always
+the solid rock wall at one elbow, and perpendicular
+nothingness at the other.  We met an everlasting procession
+of guides, porters, mules, litters, and tourists climbing
+up this steep and muddy path, and there was no room
+to spare when you had to pass a tolerably fat mule.
+I always took the inside, when I heard or saw the
+mule coming, and flattened myself against the wall.
+I preferred the inside, of course, but I should have had
+to take it anyhow, because the mule prefers the outside.
+A mule's preference&mdash;on a precipice&mdash;is a thing to
+be respected.  Well, his choice is always the outside.
+His life is mostly devoted to carrying bulky panniers
+and packages which rest against his body&mdash;therefore he
+is habituated to taking the outside edge of mountain paths,
+to keep his bundles from rubbing against rocks or banks
+on the other.  When he goes into the passenger business he
+absurdly clings to his old habit, and keeps one leg of his
+passenger always dangling over the great deeps of the lower
+world while that passenger's heart is in the highlands,
+so to speak.  More than once I saw a mule's hind foot
+cave over the outer edge and send earth and rubbish into
+the bottom abyss; and I noticed that upon these occasions
+the rider, whether male or female, looked tolerably unwell.
+
+<p>There was one place where an eighteen-inch breadth of
+light masonry had been added to the verge of the path,
+and as there was a very sharp turn here, a panel of fencing
+had been set up there at some time, as a protection.
+This panel was old and gray and feeble, and the light
+masonry had been loosened by recent rains.  A young
+American girl came along on a mule, and in making the turn
+the mule's hind foot caved all the loose masonry and one
+of the fence-posts overboard; the mule gave a violent lurch
+inboard to save himself, and succeeded in the effort,
+but that girl turned as white as the snows of Mont Blanc
+for a moment.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p386"></a><img alt="p386.jpg (51K)" src="images/p386.jpg" height="549" width="465">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>The path was simply a groove cut into the face of
+the precipice; there was a four-foot breadth of solid rock
+under the traveler, and four-foot breadth of solid rock
+just above his head, like the roof of a narrow porch;
+he could look out from this gallery and see a sheer
+summitless and bottomless wall of rock before him,
+across a gorge or crack a biscuit's toss in
+width&mdash;but he could not see the bottom of his own precipice
+unless he lay down and projected his nose over the edge.
+I did not do this, because I did not wish to soil my clothes.
+
+<p>Every few hundred yards, at particularly bad places,
+one came across a panel or so of plank fencing; but they
+were always old and weak, and they generally leaned
+out over the chasm and did not make any rash promises
+to hold up people who might need support.  There was one
+of these panels which had only its upper board left;
+a pedestrianizing English youth came tearing down the path,
+was seized with an impulse to look over the precipice,
+and without an instant's thought he threw his weight
+upon that crazy board.  It bent outward a foot! I never
+made a gasp before that came so near suffocating me.
+The English youth's face simply showed a lively surprise,
+but nothing more.  He went swinging along valleyward again,
+as if he did not know he had just swindled a coroner by the
+closest kind of a shave.
+
+<p>The Alpine litter is sometimes like a cushioned box
+made fast between the middles of two long poles,
+and sometimes it is a chair with a back to it and a support
+for the feet.  It is carried by relays of strong porters.
+The motion is easier than that of any other conveyance.
+We met a few men and a great many ladies in litters;
+it seemed to me that most of the ladies looked pale
+and nauseated; their general aspect gave me the idea
+that they were patiently enduring a horrible suffering.
+As a rule, they looked at their laps, and left the scenery
+to take care of itself.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p387"></a><img alt="p387.jpg (19K)" src="images/p387.jpg" height="317" width="461">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>But the most frightened creature I saw, was a led horse
+that overtook us.  Poor fellow, he had been born and reared
+in the grassy levels of the Kandersteg valley and had
+never seen anything like this hideous place before.
+Every few steps he would stop short, glance wildly out from
+the dizzy height, and then spread his red nostrils wide
+and pant as violently as if he had been running a race;
+and all the while he quaked from head to heel as with
+a palsy.  He was a handsome fellow, and he made a fine
+statuesque picture of terror, but it was pitiful to see
+him suffer so.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p388"></a><img alt="p388.jpg (32K)" src="images/p388.jpg" height="607" width="335">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>This dreadful path has had its tragedy.  Baedeker, with his
+customary over terseness, begins and ends the tale thus:
+
+<p>"The descent on horseback should be avoided.
+In 1861 a Comtesse d'Herlincourt fell from her saddle
+over the precipice and was killed on the spot."
+
+<p>We looked over the precipice there, and saw the monument
+which commemorates the event.  It stands in the bottom
+of the gorge, in a place which has been hollowed out of
+the rock to protect it from the torrent and the storms.
+Our old guide never spoke but when spoken to, and then
+limited himself to a syllable or two, but when we asked
+him about this tragedy he showed a strong interest
+in the matter.  He said the Countess was very pretty,
+and very young&mdash;hardly out of her girlhood, in fact.
+She was newly married, and was on her bridal tour.
+The young husband was riding a little in advance; one guide
+was leading the husband's horse, another was leading the
+bride's.
+
+<p>The old man continued:
+
+<p>"The guide that was leading the husband's horse happened
+to glance back, and there was that poor young thing sitting
+up staring out over the precipice; and her face began
+to bend downward a little, and she put up her two hands
+slowly and met it&mdash;so,&mdash;and put them flat against her
+eyes&mdash;so&mdash;and then she sank out of the saddle, with a
+sharp shriek, and one caught only the flash of a dress,
+and it was all over."
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p389"></a><img alt="p389.jpg (92K)" src="images/p389.jpg" height="961" width="599">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>Then after a pause:
+
+<p>"Ah, yes, that guide saw these things&mdash;yes, he saw them all.
+He saw them all, just as I have told you."
+
+<p>After another pause:
+
+<p>"Ah, yes, he saw them all.  My God, that was ME.
+I was that guide!"
+
+<p>This had been the one event of the old man's life; so one
+may be sure he had forgotten no detail connected with it.
+We listened to all he had to say about what was done and what
+happened and what was said after the sorrowful occurrence,
+and a painful story it was.
+
+<p>When we had wound down toward the valley until we were about
+on the last spiral of the corkscrew, Harris's hat blew
+over the last remaining bit of precipice&mdash;a small cliff
+a hundred or hundred and fifty feet high&mdash;and sailed down
+toward a steep slant composed of rough chips and fragments
+which the weather had flaked away from the precipices.
+We went leisurely down there, expecting to find it without
+any trouble, but we had made a mistake, as to that.
+We hunted during a couple of hours&mdash;not because the old
+straw hat was valuable, but out of curiosity to find out
+how such a thing could manage to conceal itself in open
+ground where there was nothing left for it to hide behind.
+When one is reading in bed, and lays his paper-knife down,
+he cannot find it again if it is smaller than a saber;
+that hat was as stubborn as any paper-knife could have been,
+and we finally had to give it up; but we found a fragment
+that had once belonged to an opera-glass, and by digging
+around and turning over the rocks we gradually collected
+all the lenses and the cylinders and the various odds
+and ends that go to making up a complete opera-glass.
+We afterward had the thing reconstructed, and the owner
+can have his adventurous lost-property by submitting
+proofs and paying costs of rehabilitation.  We had hopes
+of finding the owner there, distributed around amongst
+the rocks, for it would have made an elegant paragraph;
+but we were disappointed.  Still, we were far from
+being disheartened, for there was a considerable area
+which we had not thoroughly searched; we were satisfied he
+was there, somewhere, so we resolved to wait over a day at
+Leuk and come back and get him.
+
+<p>Then we sat down to polish off the perspiration and
+arrange about what we would do with him when we got him.
+Harris was for contributing him to the British Museum;
+but I was for mailing him to his widow.  That is the difference
+between Harris and me: Harris is all for display, I am
+all for the simple right, even though I lose money by it.
+Harris argued in favor of his proposition against mine,
+I argued in favor of mine and against his.  The discussion
+warmed into a dispute; the dispute warmed into a quarrel.
+I finally said, very decidedly:
+
+<p>"My mind is made up.  He goes to the widow."
+
+<p>Harris answered sharply:
+
+<p>"And MY mind is made up.  He goes to the Museum."
+
+<p>I said, calmly:
+
+<p>"The museum may whistle when it gets him."
+
+<p>Harris retorted:
+
+<p>"The widow may save herself the trouble of whistling,
+for I will see that she never gets him."
+
+<p>After some angry bandying of epithets, I said:
+
+<p>"It seems to me that you are taking on a good many airs
+about these remains.  I don't quite see what YOU'VE got
+to say about them?"
+
+<p>"I? I've got ALL to say about them.  They'd never have
+been thought of if I hadn't found their opera-glass. The
+corpse belongs to me, and I'll do as I please with him."
+
+<p>I was leader of the Expedition, and all discoveries
+achieved by it naturally belonged to me.  I was entitled
+to these remains, and could have enforced my right;
+but rather than have bad blood about the matter,
+I said we would toss up for them.  I threw heads and won,
+but it was a barren victory, for although we spent all
+the next day searching, we never found a bone.  I cannot
+imagine what could ever have become of that fellow.
+
+<p>The town in the valley is called Leuk or Leukerbad.
+We pointed our course toward it, down a verdant slope
+which was adorned with fringed gentians and other flowers,
+and presently entered the narrow alleys of the outskirts
+and waded toward the middle of the town through liquid
+"fertilizer." They ought to either pave that village or
+organize a ferry.
+
+<p>Harris's body was simply a chamois-pasture; his person
+was populous with the little hungry pests; his skin,
+when he stripped, was splotched like a scarlet-fever patient's;
+so, when we were about to enter one of the Leukerbad inns,
+and he noticed its sign, "Chamois Hotel," he refused
+to stop there.  He said the chamois was plentiful enough,
+without hunting up hotels where they made a specialty of it.
+I was indifferent, for the chamois is a creature that will
+neither bite me nor abide with me; but to calm Harris,
+we went to the Hôtel des Alpes.
+
+<p>At the table d'hôte, we had this, for an incident.
+A very grave man&mdash;in fact his gravity amounted to solemnity,
+and almost to austerity&mdash;sat opposite us and he was
+"tight," but doing his best to appear sober.  He took up
+a CORKED bottle of wine, tilted it over his glass awhile,
+then set it out of the way, with a contented look, and went
+on with his dinner.
+
+<p>Presently he put his glass to his mouth, and of course
+found it empty.  He looked puzzled, and glanced furtively
+and suspiciously out of the corner of his eye at a
+benignant and unconscious old lady who sat at his right.
+Shook his head, as much as to say, "No, she couldn't have
+done it." He tilted the corked bottle over his glass again,
+meantime searching around with his watery eye to see
+if anybody was watching him.  He ate a few mouthfuls,
+raised his glass to his lips, and of course it was
+still empty.  He bent an injured and accusing side-glance
+upon that unconscious old lady, which was a study to see.
+She went on eating and gave no sign.  He took up his glass
+and his bottle, with a wise private nod of his head,
+and set them gravely on the left-hand side of his
+plate&mdash;poured himself another imaginary drink&mdash;went to work
+with his knife and fork once more&mdash;presently lifted
+his glass with good confidence, and found it empty,
+as usual.
+
+<p>This was almost a petrifying surprise.  He straightened
+himself up in his chair and deliberately and sorrowfully
+inspected the busy old ladies at his elbows, first one and
+then the other.  At last he softly pushed his plate away,
+set his glass directly in front of him, held on to it
+with his left hand, and proceeded to pour with his right.
+This time he observed that nothing came.  He turned the
+bottle clear upside down; still nothing issued from it;
+a plaintive look came into his face, and he said, as if
+to himself,
+
+<p>"'IC! THEY'VE GOT IT ALL!" Then he set the bottle down,
+resignedly, and took the rest of his dinner dry.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p392"></a><img alt="p392.jpg (22K)" src="images/p392.jpg" height="425" width="249">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>It was at that table d'hôte, too, that I had under inspection
+the largest lady I have ever seen in private life.
+She was over seven feet high, and magnificently proportioned.
+What had first called my attention to her, was my stepping
+on an outlying flange of her foot, and hearing, from up
+toward the ceiling, a deep "Pardon, m'sieu, but you encroach!"
+
+<p>That was when we were coming through the hall, and the place
+was dim, and I could see her only vaguely.  The thing
+which called my attention to her the second time was,
+that at a table beyond ours were two very pretty girls,
+and this great lady came in and sat down between them
+and me and blotted out my view.  She had a handsome face,
+and she was very finely formed&mdash;perfectly formed,
+I should say.  But she made everybody around her look trivial
+and commonplace.  Ladies near her looked like children,
+and the men about her looked mean.  They looked like failures;
+and they looked as if they felt so, too.  She sat with
+her back to us.  I never saw such a back in my life.
+I would have so liked to see the moon rise over it.
+The whole congregation waited, under one pretext or another,
+till she finished her dinner and went out; they wanted to see
+her at full altitude, and they found it worth tarrying for.
+She filled one's idea of what an empress ought to be,
+when she rose up in her unapproachable grandeur and moved
+superbly out of that place.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p393"></a><img alt="p393.jpg (24K)" src="images/p393.jpg" height="491" width="293">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>We were not at Leuk in time to see her at her heaviest weight.
+She had suffered from corpulence and had come there to get
+rid of her extra flesh in the baths.  Five weeks of
+soaking&mdash;five uninterrupted hours of it every day&mdash;had accomplished
+her purpose and reduced her to the right proportions.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p394"></a><img alt="p394.jpg (38K)" src="images/p394.jpg" height="477" width="569">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>Those baths remove fat, and also skin-diseases. The
+patients remain in the great tanks for hours at a time.
+A dozen gentlemen and ladies occupy a tank together,
+and amuse themselves with rompings and various games.
+They have floating desks and tables, and they read or lunch
+or play chess in water that is breast-deep. The tourist
+can step in and view this novel spectacle if he chooses.
+There's a poor-box, and he will have to contribute.
+There are several of these big bathing-houses, and you can
+always tell when you are near one of them by the romping
+noises and shouts of laughter that proceed from it.
+The water is running water, and changes all the time,
+else a patient with a ringworm might take the bath with only
+a partial success, since, while he was ridding himself of
+the ringworm, he might catch the itch.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p395"></a><img alt="p395.jpg (88K)" src="images/p395.jpg" height="548" width="652">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>The next morning we wandered back up the green valley,
+leisurely, with the curving walls of those bare and
+stupendous precipices rising into the clouds before us.
+I had never seen a clean, bare precipice stretching up
+five thousand feet above me before, and I never shall
+expect to see another one.  They exist, perhaps, but not
+in places where one can easily get close to them.
+This pile of stone is peculiar.  From its base to the
+soaring tops of its mighty towers, all its lines and
+all its details vaguely suggest human architecture.
+There are rudimentary bow-windows, cornices, chimneys,
+demarcations of stories, etc.  One could sit and stare up
+there and study the features and exquisite graces of this
+grand structure, bit by bit, and day after day, and never
+weary his interest.  The termination, toward the town,
+observed in profile, is the perfection of shape.
+It comes down out of the clouds in a succession of rounded,
+colossal, terracelike projections&mdash;a stairway for the gods;
+at its head spring several lofty storm-scarred towers,
+one after another, with faint films of vapor curling
+always about them like spectral banners.  If there were
+a king whose realms included the whole world, here would
+be the place meet and proper for such a monarch.  He would
+only need to hollow it out and put in the electric light.
+He could give audience to a nation at a time under its roof.
+
+<p>Our search for those remains having failed, we inspected with
+a glass the dim and distant track of an old-time avalanche
+that once swept down from some pine-grown summits behind
+the town and swept away the houses and buried the people;
+then we struck down the road that leads toward the Rhone,
+to see the famous Ladders.  These perilous things are
+built against the perpendicular face of a cliff two or
+three hundred feet high.  The peasants, of both sexes,
+were climbing up and down them, with heavy loads on
+their backs.  I ordered Harris to make the ascent, so I
+could put the thrill and horror of it in my book, and he
+accomplished the feat successfully, through a subagent,
+for three francs, which I paid.  It makes me shudder yet
+when I think of what I felt when I was clinging there
+between heaven and earth in the person of that proxy.
+At times the world swam around me, and I could hardly keep
+from letting go, so dizzying was the appalling danger.
+Many a person would have given up and descended, but I stuck
+to my task, and would not yield until I had accomplished it.
+I felt a just pride in my exploit, but I would not
+have repeated it for the wealth of the world.  I shall
+break my neck yet with some such foolhardy performance,
+for warnings never seem to have any lasting effect on me.
+When the people of the hotel found that I had been
+climbing those crazy Ladders, it made me an object of
+considerable attention.
+
+<p>Next morning, early, we drove to the Rhone valley and took
+the train for Visp.  There we shouldered our knapsacks
+and things, and set out on foot, in a tremendous rain,
+up the winding gorge, toward Zermatt.  Hour after hour we
+slopped along, by the roaring torrent, and under noble
+Lesser Alps which were clothed in rich velvety green
+all the way up and had little atomy Swiss homes perched
+upon grassy benches along their mist-dimmed heights.
+
+<p>The rain continued to pour and the torrent to boom, and we
+continued to enjoy both.  At the one spot where this torrent
+tossed its white mane highest, and thundered loudest,
+and lashed the big boulders fiercest, the canton had done
+itself the honor to build the flimsiest wooden bridge
+that exists in the world.  While we were walking over it,
+along with a party of horsemen, I noticed that even
+the larger raindrops made it shake.  I called Harris's
+attention to it, and he noticed it, too.  It seemed
+to me that if I owned an elephant that was a keepsake,
+and I thought a good deal of him, I would think twice
+before I would ride him over that bridge.
+
+<p>We climbed up to the village of St. Nicholas, about half
+past four in the afternoon, waded ankle-deep through
+the fertilizer-juice, and stopped at a new and nice hotel
+close by the little church.  We stripped and went to bed,
+and sent our clothes down to be baked.  And the horde
+of soaked tourists did the same.  That chaos of clothing
+got mixed in the kitchen, and there were consequences.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p399"></a><img alt="p399.jpg (43K)" src="images/p399.jpg" height="439" width="559">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>I did not get back the same drawers I sent down, when our
+things came up at six-fifteen; I got a pair on a new plan.
+They were merely a pair of white ruffle-cuffed absurdities,
+hitched together at the top with a narrow band, and they did
+not come quite down to my knees.  They were pretty enough,
+but they made me feel like two people, and disconnected
+at that.  The man must have been an idiot that got himself
+up like that, to rough it in the Swiss mountains.
+The shirt they brought me was shorter than the drawers,
+and hadn't any sleeves to it&mdash;at least it hadn't anything
+more than what Mr. Darwin would call "rudimentary" sleeves;
+these had "edging" around them, but the bosom was
+ridiculously plain.  The knit silk undershirt they brought
+me was on a new plan, and was really a sensible thing;
+it opened behind, and had pockets in it to put your
+shoulder-blades in; but they did not seem to fit mine,
+and so I found it a sort of uncomfortable garment.
+They gave my bobtail coat to somebody else, and sent me
+an ulster suitable for a giraffe.  I had to tie my collar on,
+because there was no button behind on that foolish little shirt
+which I described a while ago.
+
+<p>When I was dressed for dinner at six-thirty, I was too loose
+in some places and too tight in others, and altogether I
+felt slovenly and ill-conditioned. However, the people
+at the table d'hôte were no better off than I was;
+they had everybody's clothes but their own on.  A long
+stranger recognized his ulster as soon as he saw the tail
+of it following me in, but nobody claimed my shirt or
+my drawers, though I described them as well as I was able.
+I gave them to the chambermaid that night when I went
+to bed, and she probably found the owner, for my own
+things were on a chair outside my door in the morning.
+
+<p>There was a lovable English clergyman who did
+not get to the table d'hôte at all.  His breeches
+had turned up missing, and without any equivalent.
+He said he was not more particular than other people,
+but he had noticed that a clergyman at dinner without
+any breeches was almost sure to excite remark.
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><a name="p400"></a><img alt="p400.jpg (8K)" src="images/p400.jpg" height="261" width="267">
+</center>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<br>
+<br>
+
+
+<center>
+<table summary="" cellPadding=4 border=3>
+<tr><td>
+
+
+&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/5785/5785-h/5785-h.htm">Previous Part</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
+</td><td>
+&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/5787/5787-h/5787-h.htm">Next Part</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
+
+
+
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+</center>
+
+
+
+
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+
+
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+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's A Tramp Abroad, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD ***
+
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Tramp Abroad, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: A Tramp Abroad
+       Part 5
+
+Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+Release Date: March 1994 [EBook #5786]
+Posting Date: June 3, 2009
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Anonymous Volunteers, John Greenman and David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+
+A TRAMP ABROAD, Part 5.
+
+By Mark Twain
+
+(Samuel L. Clemens)
+
+First published in 1880
+
+Illustrations taken from an 1880 First Edition
+
+ * * * * * *
+
+
+
+ILLUSTRATIONS:
+
+
+     1.    PORTRAIT OF THE AUTHOR
+     2.    TITIAN'S MOSES
+     3.    THE AUTHOR'S MEMORIES
+     178.  EXCEEDINGLY COMFORTABLE
+     179.  THE SUNRISE
+     180.  THE RIGI-KULM
+     181.  AN OPTICAL ILLUSION
+     182.  TAIL PIECE
+     183.  RAILWAY DOWN THE MOUNTAIN
+     184.  SOURCE OF THE RHONE
+     185.  A GLACIER TABLE
+     186.  GLACIER OF GRINDELWALD
+     187.  DAWN ON THE MOUNTAINS
+     188.  TAIL PIECE
+     189.  NEW AND OLD STYLE
+     190.  ST NICHOLAS, AS A HERMIT
+     191.  A LANDSLIDE
+     192.  GOLDAU VALLEY BEFORE AND AFTER THE LANDSLIDE
+     193.  THE WAY THEY DO IT
+     194.  OUR GALLANT DRIVER
+     195.  A MOUNTAIN PASS
+     196.  "I'M OFUL DRY"
+     197.  IT'S THE FASHION
+     198.  WHAT WE EXPECTED
+     199.  WE MISSED THE SCENERY
+     200.  THE TOURISTS
+     201.  THE YOUNG BRIDE
+     202.  "IT WAS A FAMOUS VICTORY
+     203.  PROMENADE IN INTERLAKEN
+     204.  THE JUNGFRAU BY M.T.
+     205.  STREET IN INTERLAKEN
+     206.  WITHOUT A COURIER
+     207.  TRAVELING WITH A COURIER
+     208.  TAIL PIECE
+     209.  GRAPE AND WHEY PATIENTS
+     210.  SOCIABLE DRIVERS
+     211.  A MOUNTAIN CASCADE
+     212.  THE GASTERNTHAL
+     213.  EXHILARATING SPORT
+     214.  FALLS
+     215.  WHAT MIGHT BE
+     216.  AN ALPINE BOUQUET
+     217.  THE END OF THE WORLD
+     218.  THE FORGET-ME-NOT
+     219.  A NEEDLE OF ICE
+     220.  CLIMBING THE MOUNTAIN
+     221.  SNOW CREVASSES
+     222.  CUTTING STEPS
+     223.  THE GUIDE
+     224.  VIEW FROM THE CLIFF
+     225.  GEMMI PASS AND LAKE DAUBENSEE
+     226.  ALMOST A TRAGEDY
+     227.  THE ALPINE LITTER
+     228.  SOCIAL BATHERS
+     229.  DEATH OF COUNTESS HERLINCOURT
+     230.  THEY'VE GOT IT ALL
+     231.  MODEL FOR AN EMPRESS
+     232.  BATH HOUSES AT LEUKE
+     233.  THE BATHERS AT LEUKE
+     234.  RATTIER MIXED UP
+     235.  TAIL PIECE
+
+
+
+CONTENTS:
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIX Everything Convenient--Looking for a Western
+Sunrise--Mutual Recrimination--View from the Summit--Down the
+Mountain--Railroading--Confidence Wanted and Acquired
+
+CHAPTER XXX A Trip by Proxy--A Visit to the Furka Regions--Deadman's
+Lake--Source of the Rhone--Glacier Tables--Storm in the Mountains--At
+Grindelwald--Dawn on the Mountains--An Explanation Required--Dead
+Language--Criticism of Harris's Report
+
+CHAPTER XXXI Preparations for a Tramp--From Lucerne to Interlaken--The
+Brunig Pass--Modern and Ancient Chalets--Death of Pontius Pilate--Hermit
+Home of St Nicholas--Landslides--Children Selling Refreshments--How they
+Harness a Horse--A Great Man--Honors to a Hero--A Thirsty Bride--For
+Better or Worse--German Fashions--Anticipations--Solid Comfort--An
+Unsatisfactory Awakening--What we had Lost--Our Surroundings
+
+CHAPTER XXXII The Jungfrau Hotel--A Whiskered Waitress--An Arkansas
+Bride--Perfection in Discord--A Famous Victory--A Look from a
+Window--About the Jungfrau
+
+CHAPTER XXXIII The Giesbach Falls--The Spirit of the Alps--Why People
+Visit Them--Whey and Grapes as Medicines--The Kursaal--A Formidable
+Undertaking--From Interlaken to Zermatt on Foot--We Concluded to take
+a Buggy--A Pair of Jolly Drivers--We meet with Companions--A Cheerful
+Ride--Kandersteg Valley--An Alpine Parlor--Exercise and Amusement--A
+Race with a Log
+
+CHAPTER XXXIV An Old Guide--Possible Accidents--Dangerous
+Habitation--Mountain Flowers--Embryo Lions--Mountain Pigs--The End
+of The World--Ghastly Desolation--Proposed Adventure--Reading-up
+Adventures--Ascent of Monte Rosa--Precipices and Crevasses--Among
+the Snows--Exciting Experiences--lee Ridges--The Summit--Adventures
+Postponed
+
+CHAPTER XXXV A New Interest--Magnificent Views--A Mule's
+Prefereoces--Turning Mountain Corners--Terror of a Horse--Lady
+Tourists--Death of a young Countess--A Search for a Hat--What We Did
+Find--Harris's Opinion of Chamois--A Disappointed Man--A Giantess--Model
+for an Empress--Baths at Leuk--Sport in the Water--The Gemmi
+Precipices--A Palace for an Emperor--The Famous Ladders--Considerably
+Mixed Up--Sad Plight of a Minister
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIX
+
+[Looking West for Sunrise]
+
+
+He kept his word. We heard his horn and instantly got up. It was dark
+and cold and wretched. As I fumbled around for the matches, knocking
+things down with my quaking hands, I wished the sun would rise in the
+middle of the day, when it was warm and bright and cheerful, and one
+wasn't sleepy. We proceeded to dress by the gloom of a couple sickly
+candles, but we could hardly button anything, our hands shook so.
+I thought of how many happy people there were in Europe, Asia, and
+America, and everywhere, who were sleeping peacefully in their beds,
+and did not have to get up and see the Rigi sunrise--people who did
+not appreciate their advantage, as like as not, but would get up in the
+morning wanting more boons of Providence. While thinking these thoughts
+I yawned, in a rather ample way, and my upper teeth got hitched on a
+nail over the door, and while I was mounting a chair to free myself,
+Harris drew the window-curtain, and said:
+
+"Oh, this is luck! We shan't have to go out at all--yonder are the
+mountains, in full view."
+
+
+
+That was glad news, indeed. It made us cheerful right away. One could
+see the grand Alpine masses dimly outlined against the black firmament,
+and one or two faint stars blinking through rifts in the night. Fully
+clothed, and wrapped in blankets, and huddled ourselves up, by the
+window, with lighted pipes, and fell into chat, while we waited in
+exceeding comfort to see how an Alpine sunrise was going to look by
+candlelight. By and by a delicate, spiritual sort of effulgence spread
+itself by imperceptible degrees over the loftiest altitudes of the snowy
+wastes--but there the effort seemed to stop. I said, presently:
+
+"There is a hitch about this sunrise somewhere. It doesn't seem to go.
+What do you reckon is the matter with it?"
+
+"I don't know. It appears to hang fire somewhere. I never saw a sunrise
+act like that before. Can it be that the hotel is playing anything on
+us?"
+
+"Of course not. The hotel merely has a property interest in the sun, it
+has nothing to do with the management of it. It is a precarious kind of
+property, too; a succession of total eclipses would probably ruin this
+tavern. Now what can be the matter with this sunrise?"
+
+Harris jumped up and said:
+
+"I've got it! I know what's the matter with it! We've been looking at
+the place where the sun SET last night!"
+
+"It is perfectly true! Why couldn't you have thought of that sooner? Now
+we've lost another one! And all through your blundering. It was exactly
+like you to light a pipe and sit down to wait for the sun to rise in the
+west."
+
+"It was exactly like me to find out the mistake, too. You never would
+have found it out. I find out all the mistakes."
+
+"You make them all, too, else your most valuable faculty would be wasted
+on you. But don't stop to quarrel, now--maybe we are not too late yet."
+
+But we were. The sun was well up when we got to the exhibition-ground.
+
+
+
+On our way up we met the crowd returning--men and women dressed in
+all sorts of queer costumes, and exhibiting all degrees of cold and
+wretchedness in their gaits and countenances. A dozen still remained on
+the ground when we reached there, huddled together about the scaffold
+with their backs to the bitter wind. They had their red guide-books open
+at the diagram of the view, and were painfully picking out the several
+mountains and trying to impress their names and positions on their
+memories. It was one of the saddest sights I ever saw.
+
+Two sides of this place were guarded by railings, to keep people from
+being blown over the precipices. The view, looking sheer down into
+the broad valley, eastward, from this great elevation--almost a
+perpendicular mile--was very quaint and curious. Counties, towns, hilly
+ribs and ridges, wide stretches of green meadow, great forest tracts,
+winding streams, a dozen blue lakes, a block of busy steamboats--we saw
+all this little world in unique circumstantiality of detail--saw it just
+as the birds see it--and all reduced to the smallest of scales and as
+sharply worked out and finished as a steel engraving. The numerous toy
+villages, with tiny spires projecting out of them, were just as the
+children might have left them when done with play the day before; the
+forest tracts were diminished to cushions of moss; one or two big lakes
+were dwarfed to ponds, the smaller ones to puddles--though they did not
+look like puddles, but like blue teardrops which had fallen and lodged
+in slight depressions, conformable to their shapes, among the moss-beds
+and the smooth levels of dainty green farm-land; the microscopic
+steamboats glided along, as in a city reservoir, taking a mighty time to
+cover the distance between ports which seemed only a yard apart; and the
+isthmus which separated two lakes looked as if one might stretch out on
+it and lie with both elbows in the water, yet we knew invisible wagons
+were toiling across it and finding the distance a tedious one. This
+beautiful miniature world had exactly the appearance of those "relief
+maps" which reproduce nature precisely, with the heights and depressions
+and other details graduated to a reduced scale, and with the rocks,
+trees, lakes, etc., colored after nature.
+
+
+
+I believed we could walk down to Waeggis or Vitznau in a day, but I knew
+we could go down by rail in about an hour, so I chose the latter method.
+I wanted to see what it was like, anyway. The train came along about the
+middle of the afternoon, and an odd thing it was. The locomotive-boiler
+stood on end, and it and the whole locomotive were tilted sharply
+backward. There were two passenger-cars, roofed, but wide open all
+around. These cars were not tilted back, but the seats were; this
+enables the passenger to sit level while going down a steep incline.
+
+There are three railway-tracks; the central one is cogged; the "lantern
+wheel" of the engine grips its way along these cogs, and pulls the
+train up the hill or retards its motion on the down trip. About the same
+speed--three miles an hour--is maintained both ways. Whether going up or
+down, the locomotive is always at the lower end of the train. It pushes
+in the one case, braces back in the other. The passenger rides backward
+going up, and faces forward going down.
+
+We got front seats, and while the train moved along about fifty yards
+on level ground, I was not the least frightened; but now it started
+abruptly downstairs, and I caught my breath. And I, like my neighbors,
+unconsciously held back all I could, and threw my weight to the rear,
+but, of course, that did no particular good. I had slidden down the
+balusters when I was a boy, and thought nothing of it, but to slide down
+the balusters in a railway-train is a thing to make one's flesh creep.
+Sometimes we had as much as ten yards of almost level ground, and this
+gave us a few full breaths in comfort; but straightway we would turn a
+corner and see a long steep line of rails stretching down below us, and
+the comfort was at an end. One expected to see the locomotive pause,
+or slack up a little, and approach this plunge cautiously, but it
+did nothing of the kind; it went calmly on, and went it reached the
+jumping-off place it made a sudden bow, and went gliding smoothly
+downstairs, untroubled by the circumstances.
+
+It was wildly exhilarating to slide along the edge of the precipices,
+after this grisly fashion, and look straight down upon that far-off
+valley which I was describing a while ago.
+
+There was no level ground at the Kaltbad station; the railbed was as
+steep as a roof; I was curious to see how the stop was going to be
+managed. But it was very simple; the train came sliding down, and when
+it reached the right spot it just stopped--that was all there was "to
+it"--stopped on the steep incline, and when the exchange of passengers
+and baggage had been made, it moved off and went sliding down again. The
+train can be stopped anywhere, at a moment's notice.
+
+There was one curious effect, which I need not take the trouble to
+describe--because I can scissor a description of it out of the railway
+company's advertising pamphlet, and save my ink:
+
+
+
+"On the whole tour, particularly at the Descent, we undergo an optical
+illusion which often seems to be incredible. All the shrubs, fir trees,
+stables, houses, etc., seem to be bent in a slanting direction, as by an
+immense pressure of air. They are all standing awry, so much awry that
+the chalets and cottages of the peasants seem to be tumbling down. It
+is the consequence of the steep inclination of the line. Those who
+are seated in the carriage do not observe that they are going down a
+declivity of twenty to twenty-five degrees (their seats being adapted
+to this course of proceeding and being bent down at their backs). They
+mistake their carriage and its horizontal lines for a proper measure of
+the normal plain, and therefore all the objects outside which really
+are in a horizontal position must show a disproportion of twenty to
+twenty-five degrees declivity, in regard to the mountain."
+
+By the time one reaches Kaltbad, he has acquired confidence in the
+railway, and he now ceases to try to ease the locomotive by holding
+back. Thenceforth he smokes his pipe in serenity, and gazes out upon the
+magnificent picture below and about him with unfettered enjoyment. There
+is nothing to interrupt the view or the breeze; it is like inspecting
+the world on the wing. However--to be exact--there is one place where
+the serenity lapses for a while; this is while one is crossing the
+Schnurrtobel Bridge, a frail structure which swings its gossamer frame
+down through the dizzy air, over a gorge, like a vagrant spider-strand.
+
+One has no difficulty in remembering his sins while the train is
+creeping down this bridge; and he repents of them, too; though he sees,
+when he gets to Vitznau, that he need not have done it, the bridge was
+perfectly safe.
+
+So ends the eventual trip which we made to the Rigi-Kulm to see an
+Alpine sunrise.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXX
+
+[Harris Climbs Mountains for Me]
+
+
+An hour's sail brought us to Lucerne again. I judged it best to go to
+bed and rest several days, for I knew that the man who undertakes to
+make the tour of Europe on foot must take care of himself.
+
+Thinking over my plans, as mapped out, I perceived that they did not
+take in the Furka Pass, the Rhone Glacier, the Finsteraarhorn, the
+Wetterhorn, etc. I immediately examined the guide-book to see if these
+were important, and found they were; in fact, a pedestrian tour of
+Europe could not be complete without them. Of course that decided me at
+once to see them, for I never allow myself to do things by halves, or in
+a slurring, slipshod way.
+
+I called in my agent and instructed him to go without delay and make a
+careful examination of these noted places, on foot, and bring me back a
+written report of the result, for insertion in my book. I instructed
+him to go to Hospenthal as quickly as possible, and make his grand start
+from there; to extend his foot expedition as far as the Giesbach fall,
+and return to me from thence by diligence or mule. I told him to take
+the courier with him.
+
+He objected to the courier, and with some show of reason, since he was
+about to venture upon new and untried ground; but I thought he might
+as well learn how to take care of the courier now as later, therefore I
+enforced my point. I said that the trouble, delay, and inconvenience
+of traveling with a courier were balanced by the deep respect which a
+courier's presence commands, and I must insist that as much style be
+thrown into my journeys as possible.
+
+So the two assumed complete mountaineering costumes and departed. A week
+later they returned, pretty well used up, and my agent handed me the
+following: Official Report
+
+OF A VISIT TO THE FURKA REGION.
+
+BY H. HARRIS, AGENT About seven o'clock in the morning, with perfectly
+fine weather, we started from Hospenthal, and arrived at the MAISON on
+the Furka in a little under QUATRE hours. The want of variety in the
+scenery from Hospenthal made the KAHKAHPONEEKA wearisome; but let none
+be discouraged; no one can fail to be completely R'ECOMPENS'EE for his
+fatigue, when he sees, for the first time, the monarch of the Oberland,
+the tremendous Finsteraarhorn. A moment before all was dullness, but
+a PAS further has placed us on the summit of the Furka; and exactly in
+front of us, at a HOPOW of only fifteen miles, this magnificent mountain
+lifts its snow-wreathed precipices into the deep blue sky. The inferior
+mountains on each side of the pass form a sort of frame for the picture
+of their dread lord, and close in the view so completely that no other
+prominent feature in the Oberland is visible from this BONG-A-BONG;
+nothing withdraws the attention from the solitary grandeur of the
+Finsteraarhorn and the dependent spurs which form the abutments of the
+central peak.
+
+
+
+With the addition of some others, who were also bound for the Grimsel,
+we formed a large XHVLOJ as we descended the STEG which winds round the
+shoulder of a mountain toward the Rhone Glacier. We soon left the path
+and took to the ice; and after wandering amongst the crevices UN PEU, to
+admire the wonders of these deep blue caverns, and hear the rushing of
+waters through their subglacial channels, we struck out a course toward
+L'AUTRE COTE and crossed the glacier successfully, a little above the
+cave from which the infant Rhone takes its first bound from under the
+grand precipice of ice. Half a mile below this we began to climb the
+flowery side of the Meienwand. One of our party started before the rest,
+but the HITZE was so great, that we found IHM quite exhausted, and lying
+at full length in the shade of a large GESTEIN. We sat down with him
+for a time, for all felt the heat exceedingly in the climb up this very
+steep BOLWOGGOLY, and then we set out again together, and arrived at
+last near the Dead Man's Lake, at the foot of the Sidelhorn. This lonely
+spot, once used for an extempore burying-place, after a sanguinary
+BATTUE between the French and Austrians, is the perfection of
+desolation; there is nothing in sight to mark the hand of man, except
+the line of weather-beaten whitened posts, set up to indicate the
+direction of the pass in the OWDAWAKK of winter. Near this point the
+footpath joins the wider track, which connects the Grimsel with the head
+of the Rhone SCHNAWP; this has been carefully constructed, and leads
+with a tortuous course among and over LES PIERRES, down to the bank of
+the gloomy little SWOSH-SWOSH, which almost washes against the walls of
+the Grimsel Hospice. We arrived a little before four o'clock at the end
+of our day's journey, hot enough to justify the step, taking by most of
+the PARTIE, of plunging into the crystal water of the snow-fed lake.
+
+
+
+The next afternoon we started for a walk up the Unteraar glacier, with
+the intention of, at all events, getting as far as the Huette which is
+used as a sleeping-place by most of those who cross the Strahleck Pass
+to Grindelwald. We got over the tedious collection of stones and DEBRIS
+which covers the PIED of the GLETCHER, and had walked nearly three hours
+from the Grimsel, when, just as we were thinking of crossing over to the
+right, to climb the cliffs at the foot of the hut, the clouds, which had
+for some time assumed a threatening appearance, suddenly dropped, and
+a huge mass of them, driving toward us from the Finsteraarhorn, poured
+down a deluge of HABOOLONG and hail. Fortunately, we were not far from
+a very large glacier-table; it was a huge rock balanced on a pedestal
+of ice high enough to admit of our all creeping under it for GOWKARAK.
+A stream of PUCKITTYPUKK had furrowed a course for itself in the ice
+at its base, and we were obliged to stand with one FUSS on each side of
+this, and endeavor to keep ourselves CHAUD by cutting steps in the steep
+bank of the pedestal, so as to get a higher place for standing on,
+as the WASSER rose rapidly in its trench. A very cold BZZZZZZZZEEE
+accompanied the storm, and made our position far from pleasant; and
+presently came a flash of BLITZEN, apparently in the middle of our
+little party, with an instantaneous clap of YOKKY, sounding like a large
+gun fired close to our ears; the effect was startling; but in a few
+seconds our attention was fixed by the roaring echoes of the thunder
+against the tremendous mountains which completely surrounded us. This
+was followed by many more bursts, none of WELCHE, however, was so
+dangerously near; and after waiting a long DEMI-hour in our icy prison,
+we sallied out to talk through a HABOOLONG which, though not so heavy
+as before, was quite enough to give us a thorough soaking before our
+arrival at the Hospice.
+
+The Grimsel is CERTAINEMENT a wonderful place; situated at the bottom
+of a sort of huge crater, the sides of which are utterly savage GEBIRGE,
+composed of barren rocks which cannot even support a single pine ARBRE,
+and afford only scanty food for a herd of GMWKWLLOLP, it looks as if
+it must be completely BEGRABEN in the winter snows. Enormous avalanches
+fall against it every spring, sometimes covering everything to the depth
+of thirty or forty feet; and, in spite of walls four feet thick, and
+furnished with outside shutters, the two men who stay here when the
+VOYAGEURS are snugly quartered in their distant homes can tell you that
+the snow sometimes shakes the house to its foundations.
+
+Next morning the HOGGLEBUMGULLUP still continued bad, but we made up our
+minds to go on, and make the best of it. Half an hour after we started,
+the REGEN thickened unpleasantly, and we attempted to get shelter under
+a projecting rock, but being far to NASS already to make standing at
+all AGREABLE, we pushed on for the Handeck, consoling ourselves with the
+reflection that from the furious rushing of the river Aar at our
+side, we should at all events see the celebrated WASSERFALL in GRANDE
+PERFECTION. Nor were we NAPPERSOCKET in our expectation; the water
+was roaring down its leap of two hundred and fifty feet in a most
+magnificent frenzy, while the trees which cling to its rocky sides
+swayed to and fro in the violence of the hurricane which it brought down
+with it; even the stream, which falls into the main cascade at right
+angles, and TOUTEFOIS forms a beautiful feature in the scene, was now
+swollen into a raging torrent; and the violence of this "meeting of the
+waters," about fifty feet below the frail bridge where we stood, was
+fearfully grand. While we were looking at it, GLUeECKLICHEWEISE a gleam
+of sunshine came out, and instantly a beautiful rainbow was formed by
+the spray, and hung in mid-air suspended over the awful gorge.
+
+On going into the CHALET above the fall, we were informed that a BRUECKE
+had broken down near Guttanen, and that it would be impossible to
+proceed for some time; accordingly we were kept in our drenched
+condition for EIN STUNDE, when some VOYAGEURS arrived from Meiringen,
+and told us that there had been a trifling accident, ABER that we could
+now cross. On arriving at the spot, I was much inclined to suspect that
+the whole story was a ruse to make us SLOWWK and drink the more at the
+Handeck Inn, for only a few planks had been carried away, and though
+there might perhaps have been some difficulty with mules, the gap was
+certainly not larger than a MMBGLX might cross with a very slight leap.
+Near Guttanen the HABOOLONG happily ceased, and we had time to walk
+ourselves tolerably dry before arriving at Reichenback, WO we enjoyed a
+good DINE at the Hotel des Alps.
+
+
+
+Next morning we walked to Rosenlaui, the BEAU IDEAL of Swiss scenery,
+where we spent the middle of the day in an excursion to the glacier.
+This was more beautiful than words can describe, for in the constant
+progress of the ice it has changed the form of its extremity and formed
+a vast cavern, as blue as the sky above, and rippled like a frozen
+ocean. A few steps cut in the WHOOPJAMBOREEHOO enabled us to walk
+completely under this, and feast our eyes upon one of the loveliest
+objects in creation. The glacier was all around divided by numberless
+fissures of the same exquisite color, and the finest wood-ERDBEEREN were
+growing in abundance but a few yards from the ice. The inn stands in a
+CHARMANT spot close to the COTE DE LA RIVIERE, which, lower down, forms
+the Reichenbach fall, and embosomed in the richest of pine woods,
+while the fine form of the Wellhorn looking down upon it completes the
+enchanting BOPPLE. In the afternoon we walked over the Great Scheideck
+to Grindelwald, stopping to pay a visit to the Upper glacier by the way;
+but we were again overtaken by bad HOGGLEBUMGULLUP and arrived at the
+hotel in a SOLCHE a state that the landlord's wardrobe was in great
+request.
+
+The clouds by this time seemed to have done their worst, for a lovely
+day succeeded, which we determined to devote to an ascent of the
+Faulhorn. We left Grindelwald just as a thunder-storm was dying away,
+and we hoped to find GUTEN WETTER up above; but the rain, which had
+nearly ceased, began again, and we were struck by the rapidly increasing
+FROID as we ascended. Two-thirds of the way up were completed when
+the rain was exchanged for GNILLIC, with which the BODEN was thickly
+covered, and before we arrived at the top the GNILLIC and mist became
+so thick that we could not see one another at more than twenty POOPOO
+distance, and it became difficult to pick our way over the rough and
+thickly covered ground. Shivering with cold, we turned into bed with a
+double allowance of clothes, and slept comfortably while the wind
+howled AUTOUR DE LA MAISON; when I awoke, the wall and the window looked
+equally dark, but in another hour I found I could just see the form
+of the latter; so I jumped out of bed, and forced it open, though with
+great difficulty from the frost and the quantities of GNILLIC heaped up
+against it.
+
+A row of huge icicles hung down from the edge of the roof, and anything
+more wintry than the whole ANBLICK could not well be imagined; but the
+sudden appearance of the great mountains in front was so startling
+that I felt no inclination to move toward bed again. The snow which
+had collected upon LA FENTRE had increased the FINSTERNISS ODER DER
+DUNKELHEIT, so that when I looked out I was surprised to find that the
+daylight was considerable, and that the BALRAGOOMAH would evidently rise
+before long. Only the brightest of LES E'TOILES were still shining; the
+sky was cloudless overhead, though small curling mists lay thousands of
+feet below us in the valleys, wreathed around the feet of the mountains,
+and adding to the splendor of their lofty summits. We were soon dressed
+and out of the house, watching the gradual approach of dawn, thoroughly
+absorbed in the first near view of the Oberland giants, which broke
+upon us unexpectedly after the intense obscurity of the evening before.
+"KABAUGWAKKO SONGWASHEE KUM WETTERHORN SNAWPO!" cried some one, as that
+grand summit gleamed with the first rose of dawn; and in a few moments
+the double crest of the Schreckhorn followed its example; peak after
+peak seemed warmed with life, the Jungfrau blushed even more beautifully
+than her neighbors, and soon, from the Wetterhorn in the east to the
+Wildstrubel in the west, a long row of fires glowed upon mighty altars,
+truly worthy of the gods.
+
+
+
+The WLGW was very severe; our sleeping-place could hardly be DISTINGUEE
+from the snow around it, which had fallen to a depth of a FLIRK during
+the past evening, and we heartily enjoyed a rough scramble EN BAS to
+the Giesbach falls, where we soon found a warm climate. At noon the day
+before Grindelwald the thermometer could not have stood at less than 100
+degrees Fahr. in the sun; and in the evening, judging from the icicles
+formed, and the state of the windows, there must have been at least
+twelve DINGBLATTER of frost, thus giving a change of 80 degrees during a
+few hours.
+
+I said:
+
+"You have done well, Harris; this report is concise, compact, well
+expressed; the language is crisp, the descriptions are vivid and not
+needlessly elaborated; your report goes straight to the point, attends
+strictly to business, and doesn't fool around. It is in many ways an
+excellent document. But it has a fault--it is too learned, it is much
+too learned. What is 'DINGBLATTER'?
+
+"'DINGBLATTER' is a Fiji word meaning 'degrees.'"
+
+"You knew the English of it, then?"
+
+"Oh, yes."
+
+"What is 'GNILLIC'?
+
+"That is the Eskimo term for 'snow.'"
+
+"So you knew the English for that, too?"
+
+"Why, certainly."
+
+"What does 'MMBGLX' stand for?"
+
+"That is Zulu for 'pedestrian.'"
+
+"'While the form of the Wellhorn looking down upon it completes the
+enchanting BOPPLE.' What is 'BOPPLE'?"
+
+"'Picture.' It's Choctaw."
+
+"What is 'SCHNAWP'?"
+
+"'Valley.' That is Choctaw, also."
+
+"What is 'BOLWOGGOLY'?"
+
+"That is Chinese for 'hill.'"
+
+"'KAHKAHPONEEKA'?"
+
+"'Ascent.' Choctaw."
+
+"'But we were again overtaken by bad HOGGLEBUMGULLUP.' What does
+'HOGGLEBUMGULLUP' mean?"
+
+"That is Chinese for 'weather.'"
+
+"Is 'HOGGLEBUMGULLUP' better than the English word? Is it any more
+descriptive?"
+
+"No, it means just the same."
+
+"And 'DINGBLATTER' and 'GNILLIC,' and 'BOPPLE,' and 'SCHNAWP'--are they
+better than the English words?"
+
+"No, they mean just what the English ones do."
+
+"Then why do you use them? Why have you used all this Chinese and
+Choctaw and Zulu rubbish?"
+
+"Because I didn't know any French but two or three words, and I didn't
+know any Latin or Greek at all."
+
+"That is nothing. Why should you want to use foreign words, anyhow?"
+
+"They adorn my page. They all do it."
+
+"Who is 'all'?"
+
+"Everybody. Everybody that writes elegantly. Anybody has a right to that
+wants to."
+
+"I think you are mistaken." I then proceeded in the following scathing
+manner. "When really learned men write books for other learned men
+to read, they are justified in using as many learned words as they
+please--their audience will understand them; but a man who writes a book
+for the general public to read is not justified in disfiguring his pages
+with untranslated foreign expressions. It is an insolence toward the
+majority of the purchasers, for it is a very frank and impudent way of
+saying, 'Get the translations made yourself if you want them, this
+book is not written for the ignorant classes.' There are men who know
+a foreign language so well and have used it so long in their daily
+life that they seem to discharge whole volleys of it into their English
+writings unconsciously, and so they omit to translate, as much as
+half the time. That is a great cruelty to nine out of ten of the man's
+readers. What is the excuse for this? The writer would say he only uses
+the foreign language where the delicacy of his point cannot be conveyed
+in English. Very well, then he writes his best things for the tenth man,
+and he ought to warn the nine other not to buy his book. However, the
+excuse he offers is at least an excuse; but there is another set of
+men who are like YOU; they know a WORD here and there, of a foreign
+language, or a few beggarly little three-word phrases, filched from the
+back of the Dictionary, and these are continually peppering into their
+literature, with a pretense of knowing that language--what excuse can
+they offer? The foreign words and phrases which they use have their
+exact equivalents in a nobler language--English; yet they think they
+'adorn their page' when they say STRASSE for street, and BAHNHOF for
+railway-station, and so on--flaunting these fluttering rags of poverty
+in the reader's face and imagining he will be ass enough to take
+them for the sign of untold riches held in reserve. I will let your
+'learning' remain in your report; you have as much right, I suppose, to
+'adorn your page' with Zulu and Chinese and Choctaw rubbish as others of
+your sort have to adorn theirs with insolent odds and ends smouched from
+half a dozen learned tongues whose A-B ABS they don't even know."
+
+When the musing spider steps upon the red-hot shovel, he first exhibits
+a wild surprise, then he shrivels up. Similar was the effect of these
+blistering words upon the tranquil and unsuspecting Agent. I can be
+dreadfully rough on a person when the mood takes me.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXI
+
+[Alp-scaling by Carriage]
+
+
+We now prepared for a considerable walk--from Lucerne to Interlaken,
+over the Bruenig Pass. But at the last moment the weather was so good
+that I changed my mind and hired a four-horse carriage. It was a huge
+vehicle, roomy, as easy in its motion as a palanquin, and exceedingly
+comfortable.
+
+We got away pretty early in the morning, after a hot breakfast, and
+went bowling over a hard, smooth road, through the summer loveliness of
+Switzerland, with near and distant lakes and mountains before and about
+us for the entertainment of the eye, and the music of multitudinous
+birds to charm the ear. Sometimes there was only the width of the road
+between the imposing precipices on the right and the clear cool water on
+the left with its shoals of uncatchable fish skimming about through the
+bars of sun and shadow; and sometimes, in place of the precipices, the
+grassy land stretched away, in an apparently endless upward slant,
+and was dotted everywhere with snug little chalets, the peculiarly
+captivating cottage of Switzerland.
+
+The ordinary chalet turns a broad, honest gable end to the road, and
+its ample roof hovers over the home in a protecting, caressing way,
+projecting its sheltering eaves far outward. The quaint windows are
+filled with little panes, and garnished with white muslin curtains,
+and brightened with boxes of blooming flowers. Across the front of the
+house, and up the spreading eaves and along the fanciful railings of
+the shallow porch, are elaborate carvings--wreaths, fruits, arabesques,
+verses from Scripture, names, dates, etc. The building is wholly of
+wood, reddish brown in tint, a very pleasing color. It generally has
+vines climbing over it. Set such a house against the fresh green of the
+hillside, and it looks ever so cozy and inviting and picturesque, and is
+a decidedly graceful addition to the landscape.
+
+One does not find out what a hold the chalet has taken upon him, until
+he presently comes upon a new house--a house which is aping the town
+fashions of Germany and France, a prim, hideous, straight-up-and-down
+thing, plastered all over on the outside to look like stone, and
+altogether so stiff, and formal, and ugly, and forbidding, and so out of
+tune with the gracious landscape, and so deaf and dumb and dead to the
+poetry of its surroundings, that it suggests an undertaker at a picnic,
+a corpse at a wedding, a puritan in Paradise.
+
+
+
+In the course of the morning we passed the spot where Pontius Pilate is
+said to have thrown himself into the lake. The legend goes that after
+the Crucifixion his conscience troubled him, and he fled from Jerusalem
+and wandered about the earth, weary of life and a prey to tortures
+of the mind. Eventually, he hid himself away, on the heights of Mount
+Pilatus, and dwelt alone among the clouds and crags for years; but rest
+and peace were still denied him, so he finally put an end to his misery
+by drowning himself.
+
+Presently we passed the place where a man of better odor was born. This
+was the children's friend, Santa Claus, or St. Nicholas. There are some
+unaccountable reputations in the world. This saint's is an instance. He
+has ranked for ages as the peculiar friend of children, yet it appears
+he was not much of a friend to his own. He had ten of them, and when
+fifty years old he left them, and sought out as dismal a refuge from the
+world as possible, and became a hermit in order that he might reflect
+upon pious themes without being disturbed by the joyous and other noises
+from the nursery, doubtless.
+
+
+
+Judging by Pilate and St. Nicholas, there exists no rule for the
+construction of hermits; they seem made out of all kinds of material.
+But Pilate attended to the matter of expiating his sin while he was
+alive, whereas St. Nicholas will probably have to go on climbing down
+sooty chimneys, Christmas eve, forever, and conferring kindness on other
+people's children, to make up for deserting his own. His bones are kept
+in a church in a village (Sachseln) which we visited, and are naturally
+held in great reverence. His portrait is common in the farmhouses of
+the region, but is believed by many to be but an indifferent likeness.
+During his hermit life, according to legend, he partook of the bread
+and wine of the communion once a month, but all the rest of the month he
+fasted.
+
+
+
+A constant marvel with us, as we sped along the bases of the steep
+mountains on this journey, was, not that avalanches occur, but that they
+are not occurring all the time. One does not understand why rocks
+and landslides do not plunge down these declivities daily. A landslip
+occurred three quarters of a century ago, on the route from Arth to
+Brunnen, which was a formidable thing. A mass of conglomerate two miles
+long, a thousand feet broad, and a hundred feet thick, broke away from a
+cliff three thousand feet high and hurled itself into the valley below,
+burying four villages and five hundred people, as in a grave.
+
+
+
+We had such a beautiful day, and such endless pictures of limpid lakes,
+and green hills and valleys, and majestic mountains, and milky cataracts
+dancing down the steeps and gleaming in the sun, that we could not help
+feeling sweet toward all the world; so we tried to drink all the
+milk, and eat all the grapes and apricots and berries, and buy all the
+bouquets of wild flowers which the little peasant boys and girls offered
+for sale; but we had to retire from this contract, for it was too heavy.
+
+At short distances--and they were entirely too short--all along the
+road, were groups of neat and comely children, with their wares nicely
+and temptingly set forth in the grass under the shade trees, and as soon
+as we approached they swarmed into the road, holding out their baskets
+and milk bottles, and ran beside the carriage, barefoot and bareheaded,
+and importuned us to buy. They seldom desisted early, but continued to
+run and insist--beside the wagon while they could, and behind it until
+they lost breath. Then they turned and chased a returning carriage back
+to their trading-post again. After several hours of this, without any
+intermission, it becomes almost annoying. I do not know what we should
+have done without the returning carriages to draw off the pursuit.
+However, there were plenty of these, loaded with dusty tourists and
+piled high with luggage. Indeed, from Lucerne to Interlaken we had
+the spectacle, among other scenery, of an unbroken procession of
+fruit-peddlers and tourists carriages.
+
+Our talk was mostly anticipatory of what we should see on the down-grade
+of the Bruenig, by and by, after we should pass the summit. All our
+friends in Lucerne had said that to look down upon Meiringen, and the
+rushing blue-gray river Aar, and the broad level green valley; and
+across at the mighty Alpine precipices that rise straight up to the
+clouds out of that valley; and up at the microscopic chalets perched
+upon the dizzy eaves of those precipices and winking dimly and fitfully
+through the drifting veil of vapor; and still up and up, at the superb
+Oltschiback and the other beautiful cascades that leap from those rugged
+heights, robed in powdery spray, ruffled with foam, and girdled with
+rainbows--to look upon these things, they say, was to look upon the last
+possibility of the sublime and the enchanting. Therefore, as I say,
+we talked mainly of these coming wonders; if we were conscious of any
+impatience, it was to get there in favorable season; if we felt any
+anxiety, it was that the day might remain perfect, and enable us to see
+those marvels at their best.
+
+As we approached the Kaiserstuhl, a part of the harness gave way.
+
+We were in distress for a moment, but only a moment. It was the
+fore-and-aft gear that was broken--the thing that leads aft from the
+forward part of the horse and is made fast to the thing that pulls the
+wagon. In America this would have been a heavy leathern strap; but, all
+over the continent it is nothing but a piece of rope the size of
+your little finger--clothes-line is what it is. Cabs use it, private
+carriages, freight-carts and wagons, all sorts of vehicles have it. In
+Munich I afterward saw it used on a long wagon laden with fifty-four
+half-barrels of beer; I had before noticed that the cabs in Heidelberg
+used it--not new rope, but rope that had been in use since Abraham's
+time --and I had felt nervous, sometimes, behind it when the cab was
+tearing down a hill. But I had long been accustomed to it now, and had
+even become afraid of the leather strap which belonged in its place. Our
+driver got a fresh piece of clothes-line out of his locker and repaired
+the break in two minutes.
+
+So much for one European fashion. Every country has its own ways. It may
+interest the reader to know how they "put horses to" on the continent.
+The man stands up the horses on each side of the thing that projects
+from the front end of the wagon, and then throws the tangled mess of
+gear forward through a ring, and hauls it aft, and passes the other
+thing through the other ring and hauls it aft on the other side of the
+other horse, opposite to the first one, after crossing them and bringing
+the loose end back, and then buckles the other thing underneath the
+horse, and takes another thing and wraps it around the thing I spoke
+of before, and puts another thing over each horse's head, with broad
+flappers to it to keep the dust out of his eyes, and puts the iron thing
+in his mouth for him to grit his teeth on, uphill, and brings the ends
+of these things aft over his back, after buckling another one around
+under his neck to hold his head up, and hitching another thing on
+a thing that goes over his shoulders to keep his head up when he is
+climbing a hill, and then takes the slack of the thing which I mentioned
+a while ago, and fetches it aft and makes it fast to the thing that
+pulls the wagon, and hands the other things up to the driver to steer
+with. I never have buckled up a horse myself, but I do not think we do
+it that way.
+
+
+
+We had four very handsome horses, and the driver was very proud of his
+turnout. He would bowl along on a reasonable trot, on the highway, but
+when he entered a village he did it on a furious run, and accompanied it
+with a frenzy of ceaseless whip-crackings that sounded like volleys of
+musketry. He tore through the narrow streets and around the sharp curves
+like a moving earthquake, showering his volleys as he went, and before
+him swept a continuous tidal wave of scampering children, ducks, cats,
+and mothers clasping babies which they had snatched out of the way of
+the coming destruction; and as this living wave washed aside, along the
+walls, its elements, being safe, forgot their fears and turned their
+admiring gaze upon that gallant driver till he thundered around the next
+curve and was lost to sight.
+
+He was a great man to those villagers, with his gaudy clothes and his
+terrific ways. Whenever he stopped to have his cattle watered and fed
+with loaves of bread, the villagers stood around admiring him while
+he swaggered about, the little boys gazed up at his face with humble
+homage, and the landlord brought out foaming mugs of beer and conversed
+proudly with him while he drank. Then he mounted his lofty box, swung
+his explosive whip, and away he went again, like a storm. I had not
+seen anything like this before since I was a boy, and the stage used to
+flourish the village with the dust flying and the horn tooting.
+
+
+
+When we reached the base of the Kaiserstuhl, we took two more horses; we
+had to toil along with difficulty for an hour and a half or two hours,
+for the ascent was not very gradual, but when we passed the backbone and
+approached the station, the driver surpassed all his previous efforts in
+the way of rush and clatter. He could not have six horses all the time,
+so he made the most of his chance while he had it.
+
+Up to this point we had been in the heart of the William Tell region.
+The hero is not forgotten, by any means, or held in doubtful veneration.
+His wooden image, with his bow drawn, above the doors of taverns, was a
+frequent feature of the scenery.
+
+About noon we arrived at the foot of the Bruenig Pass, and made a
+two-hour stop at the village hotel, another of those clean, pretty, and
+thoroughly well-kept inns which are such an astonishment to people
+who are accustomed to hotels of a dismally different pattern in remote
+country-towns. There was a lake here, in the lap of the great mountains,
+the green slopes that rose toward the lower crags were graced with
+scattered Swiss cottages nestling among miniature farms and gardens,
+and from out a leafy ambuscade in the upper heights tumbled a brawling
+cataract.
+
+
+
+Carriage after carriage, laden with tourists and trunks, arrived, and
+the quiet hotel was soon populous. We were early at the table d'hote and
+saw the people all come in. There were twenty-five, perhaps. They were
+of various nationalities, but we were the only Americans. Next to me sat
+an English bride, and next to her sat her new husband, whom she called
+"Neddy," though he was big enough and stalwart enough to be entitled to
+his full name. They had a pretty little lovers' quarrel over what wine
+they should have. Neddy was for obeying the guide-book and taking the
+wine of the country; but the bride said:
+
+"What, that nahsty stuff!"
+
+"It isn't nahsty, pet, it's quite good."
+
+"It IS nahsty."
+
+"No, it ISN'T nahsty."
+
+"It's Oful nahsty, Neddy, and I shahn't drink it."
+
+Then the question was, what she must have. She said he knew very well
+that she never drank anything but champagne.
+
+She added:
+
+"You know very well papa always has champagne on his table, and I've
+always been used to it."
+
+Neddy made a playful pretense of being distressed about the expense,
+and this amused her so much that she nearly exhausted herself with
+laughter--and this pleased HIM so much that he repeated his jest a
+couple of times, and added new and killing varieties to it. When the
+bride finally recovered, she gave Neddy a love-box on the arm with her
+fan, and said with arch severity:
+
+"Well, you would HAVE me--nothing else would do--so you'll have to make
+the best of a bad bargain. DO order the champagne, I'm Oful dry."
+
+
+
+So with a mock groan which made her laugh again, Neddy ordered the
+champagne.
+
+The fact that this young woman had never moistened the selvedge edge of
+her soul with a less plebeian tipple than champagne, had a marked and
+subduing effect on Harris. He believed she belonged to the royal family.
+But I had my doubts.
+
+We heard two or three different languages spoken by people at the
+table and guessed out the nationalities of most of the guests to our
+satisfaction, but we failed with an elderly gentleman and his wife and
+a young girl who sat opposite us, and with a gentleman of about
+thirty-five who sat three seats beyond Harris. We did not hear any of
+these speak. But finally the last-named gentleman left while we were not
+noticing, but we looked up as he reached the far end of the table. He
+stopped there a moment, and made his toilet with a pocket comb. So he
+was a German; or else he had lived in German hotels long enough to catch
+the fashion. When the elderly couple and the young girl rose to leave,
+they bowed respectfully to us. So they were Germans, too. This national
+custom is worth six of the other one, for export.
+
+
+
+After dinner we talked with several Englishmen, and they inflamed our
+desire to a hotter degree than ever, to see the sights of Meiringen from
+the heights of the Bruenig Pass. They said the view was marvelous, and
+that one who had seen it once could never forget it. They also spoke of
+the romantic nature of the road over the pass, and how in one place it
+had been cut through a flank of the solid rock, in such a way that the
+mountain overhung the tourist as he passed by; and they furthermore said
+that the sharp turns in the road and the abruptness of the descent would
+afford us a thrilling experience, for we should go down in a flying
+gallop and seem to be spinning around the rings of a whirlwind, like a
+drop of whiskey descending the spirals of a corkscrew.
+
+
+
+I got all the information out of these gentlemen that we could need; and
+then, to make everything complete, I asked them if a body could get hold
+of a little fruit and milk here and there, in case of necessity. They
+threw up their hands in speechless intimation that the road was simply
+paved with refreshment-peddlers. We were impatient to get away, now, and
+the rest of our two-hour stop rather dragged. But finally the set time
+arrived and we began the ascent. Indeed it was a wonderful road. It was
+smooth, and compact, and clean, and the side next the precipices was
+guarded all along by dressed stone posts about three feet high, placed
+at short distances apart. The road could not have been better built if
+Napoleon the First had built it. He seems to have been the introducer of
+the sort of roads which Europe now uses. All literature which describes
+life as it existed in England, France, and Germany up to the close
+of the last century, is filled with pictures of coaches and carriages
+wallowing through these three countries in mud and slush half-wheel
+deep; but after Napoleon had floundered through a conquered kingdom he
+generally arranged things so that the rest of the world could follow
+dry-shod.
+
+We went on climbing, higher and higher, and curving hither and thither,
+in the shade of noble woods, and with a rich variety and profusion of
+wild flowers all about us; and glimpses of rounded grassy backbones
+below us occupied by trim chalets and nibbling sheep, and other glimpses
+of far lower altitudes, where distance diminished the chalets to toys
+and obliterated the sheep altogether; and every now and then some
+ermined monarch of the Alps swung magnificently into view for a moment,
+then drifted past an intervening spur and disappeared again.
+
+It was an intoxicating trip altogether; the exceeding sense of
+satisfaction that follows a good dinner added largely to the enjoyment;
+the having something especial to look forward to and muse about, like
+the approaching grandeurs of Meiringen, sharpened the zest. Smoking
+was never so good before, solid comfort was never solider; we lay back
+against the thick cushions silent, meditative, steeped in felicity. *
+* * * * * * * I rubbed my eyes, opened them, and started. I had been
+dreaming I was at sea, and it was a thrilling surprise to wake up and
+find land all around me. It took me a couple seconds to "come to," as
+you may say; then I took in the situation. The horses were drinking at
+a trough in the edge of a town, the driver was taking beer, Harris was
+snoring at my side, the courier, with folded arms and bowed head, was
+sleeping on the box, two dozen barefooted and bareheaded children were
+gathered about the carriage, with their hands crossed behind, gazing up
+with serious and innocent admiration at the dozing tourists baking there
+in the sun. Several small girls held night-capped babies nearly as big
+as themselves in their arms, and even these fat babies seemed to take a
+sort of sluggish interest in us.
+
+
+
+We had slept an hour and a half and missed all the scenery! I did not
+need anybody to tell me that. If I had been a girl, I could have cursed
+for vexation. As it was, I woke up the agent and gave him a piece of
+my mind. Instead of being humiliated, he only upbraided me for being
+so wanting in vigilance. He said he had expected to improve his mind by
+coming to Europe, but a man might travel to the ends of the earth with
+me and never see anything, for I was manifestly endowed with the very
+genius of ill luck. He even tried to get up some emotion about that
+poor courier, who never got a chance to see anything, on account of my
+heedlessness. But when I thought I had borne about enough of this kind
+of talk, I threatened to make Harris tramp back to the summit and make a
+report on that scenery, and this suggestion spiked his battery.
+
+We drove sullenly through Brienz, dead to the seductions of its
+bewildering array of Swiss carvings and the clamorous HOO-hooing of
+its cuckoo clocks, and had not entirely recovered our spirits when we
+rattled across a bridge over the rushing blue river and entered the
+pretty town of Interlaken. It was just about sunset, and we had made the
+trip from Lucerne in ten hours.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXII
+
+[The Jungfrau, the Bride, and the Piano]
+
+
+We located ourselves at the Jungfrau Hotel, one of those huge
+establishments which the needs of modern travel have created in every
+attractive spot on the continent. There was a great gathering at dinner,
+and, as usual, one heard all sorts of languages.
+
+The table d'hote was served by waitresses dressed in the quaint and
+comely costume of the Swiss peasants. This consists of a simple gros de
+laine, trimmed with ashes of roses, with overskirt of scare bleu ventre
+saint gris, cut bias on the off-side, with facings of petit polonaise
+and narrow insertions of pate de foie gras backstitched to the mise
+en sce`ne in the form of a jeu d'esprit. It gives to the wearer a
+singularly piquant and alluring aspect.
+
+One of these waitresses, a woman of forty, had side-whiskers reaching
+half-way down her jaws. They were two fingers broad, dark in color,
+pretty thick, and the hairs were an inch long. One sees many women on
+the continent with quite conspicuous mustaches, but this was the only
+woman I saw who had reached the dignity of whiskers.
+
+After dinner the guests of both sexes distributed themselves about the
+front porches and the ornamental grounds belonging to the hotel, to
+enjoy the cool air; but, as the twilight deepened toward darkness, they
+gathered themselves together in that saddest and solemnest and most
+constrained of all places, the great blank drawing-room which is the
+chief feature of all continental summer hotels. There they grouped
+themselves about, in couples and threes, and mumbled in bated voices,
+and looked timid and homeless and forlorn.
+
+There was a small piano in this room, a clattery, wheezy, asthmatic
+thing, certainly the very worst miscarriage in the way of a piano that
+the world has seen. In turn, five or six dejected and homesick ladies
+approached it doubtingly, gave it a single inquiring thump, and
+retired with the lockjaw. But the boss of that instrument was to come,
+nevertheless; and from my own country--from Arkansaw.
+
+She was a brand-new bride, innocent, girlish, happy in herself and her
+grave and worshiping stripling of a husband; she was about eighteen,
+just out of school, free from affectations, unconscious of that
+passionless multitude around her; and the very first time she smote
+that old wreck one recognized that it had met its destiny. Her stripling
+brought an armful of aged sheet-music from their room--for this bride
+went "heeled," as you might say--and bent himself lovingly over and got
+ready to turn the pages.
+
+
+
+The bride fetched a swoop with her fingers from one end of the keyboard
+to the other, just to get her bearings, as it were, and you could see
+the congregation set their teeth with the agony of it. Then, without
+any more preliminaries, she turned on all the horrors of the "Battle of
+Prague," that venerable shivaree, and waded chin-deep in the blood of
+the slain. She made a fair and honorable average of two false notes in
+every five, but her soul was in arms and she never stopped to correct.
+The audience stood it with pretty fair grit for a while, but when the
+cannonade waxed hotter and fiercer, and the discord average rose to
+four in five, the procession began to move. A few stragglers held their
+ground ten minutes longer, but when the girl began to wring the true
+inwardness out of the "cries of the wounded," they struck their colors
+and retired in a kind of panic.
+
+
+
+There never was a completer victory; I was the only non-combatant left
+on the field. I would not have deserted my countrywoman anyhow, but
+indeed I had no desires in that direction. None of us like mediocrity,
+but we all reverence perfection. This girl's music was perfection in its
+way; it was the worst music that had ever been achieved on our planet by
+a mere human being.
+
+I moved up close, and never lost a strain. When she got through, I
+asked her to play it again. She did it with a pleased alacrity and a
+heightened enthusiasm. She made it ALL discords, this time. She got an
+amount of anguish into the cries of the wounded that shed a new light on
+human suffering. She was on the war-path all the evening. All the time,
+crowds of people gathered on the porches and pressed their noses against
+the windows to look and marvel, but the bravest never ventured in.
+The bride went off satisfied and happy with her young fellow, when her
+appetite was finally gorged, and the tourists swarmed in again.
+
+
+
+What a change has come over Switzerland, and in fact all Europe, during
+this century! Seventy or eighty years ago Napoleon was the only man in
+Europe who could really be called a traveler; he was the only man who
+had devoted his attention to it and taken a powerful interest in it; he
+was the only man who had traveled extensively; but now everybody goes
+everywhere; and Switzerland, and many other regions which were unvisited
+and unknown remotenesses a hundred years ago, are in our days a buzzing
+hive of restless strangers every summer. But I digress.
+
+In the morning, when we looked out of our windows, we saw a wonderful
+sight. Across the valley, and apparently quite neighborly and close at
+hand, the giant form of the Jungfrau rose cold and white into the clear
+sky, beyond a gateway in the nearer highlands. It reminded me, somehow,
+of one of those colossal billows which swells suddenly up beside one's
+ship, at sea, sometimes, with its crest and shoulders snowy white, and
+the rest of its noble proportions streaked downward with creamy foam.
+
+I took out my sketch-book and made a little picture of the Jungfrau,
+merely to get the shape.
+
+I do not regard this as one of my finished works, in fact I do not rank
+it among my Works at all; it is only a study; it is hardly more than
+what one might call a sketch. Other artists have done me the grace to
+admire it; but I am severe in my judgments of my own pictures, and this
+one does not move me.
+
+
+
+It was hard to believe that that lofty wooded rampart on the left which
+so overtops the Jungfrau was not actually the higher of the two, but it
+was not, of course. It is only two or three thousand feet high, and of
+course has no snow upon it in summer, whereas the Jungfrau is not much
+shorter of fourteen thousand feet high and therefore that lowest verge
+of snow on her side, which seems nearly down to the valley level, is
+really about seven thousand feet higher up in the air than the summit
+of that wooded rampart. It is the distance that makes the deception.
+The wooded height is but four or five miles removed from us, but the
+Jungfrau is four or five times that distance away.
+
+
+
+Walking down the street of shops, in the fore-noon, I was attracted by
+a large picture, carved, frame and all, from a single block of
+chocolate-colored wood. There are people who know everything. Some of
+these had told us that continental shopkeepers always raise their prices
+on English and Americans. Many people had told us it was expensive to
+buy things through a courier, whereas I had supposed it was just the
+reverse. When I saw this picture, I conjectured that it was worth more
+than the friend I proposed to buy it for would like to pay, but still it
+was worth while to inquire; so I told the courier to step in and ask
+the price, as if he wanted it for himself; I told him not to speak in
+English, and above all not to reveal the fact that he was a courier.
+Then I moved on a few yards, and waited.
+
+The courier came presently and reported the price. I said to myself, "It
+is a hundred francs too much," and so dismissed the matter from my
+mind. But in the afternoon I was passing that place with Harris, and the
+picture attracted me again. We stepped in, to see how much higher
+broken German would raise the price. The shopwoman named a figure just
+a hundred francs lower than the courier had named. This was a pleasant
+surprise. I said I would take it. After I had given directions as to
+where it was to be shipped, the shopwoman said, appealingly:
+
+"If you please, do not let your courier know you bought it."
+
+This was an unexpected remark. I said:
+
+"What makes you think I have a courier?"
+
+"Ah, that is very simple; he told me himself."
+
+"He was very thoughtful. But tell me--why did you charge him more than
+you are charging me?"
+
+"That is very simple, also: I do not have to pay you a percentage."
+
+"Oh, I begin to see. You would have had to pay the courier a
+percentage."
+
+"Undoubtedly. The courier always has his percentage. In this case it
+would have been a hundred francs."
+
+"Then the tradesman does not pay a part of it--the purchaser pays all of
+it?"
+
+"There are occasions when the tradesman and the courier agree upon a
+price which is twice or thrice the value of the article, then the two
+divide, and both get a percentage."
+
+"I see. But it seems to me that the purchaser does all the paying, even
+then."
+
+"Oh, to be sure! It goes without saying."
+
+"But I have bought this picture myself; therefore why shouldn't the
+courier know it?"
+
+The woman exclaimed, in distress:
+
+"Ah, indeed it would take all my little profit! He would come and demand
+his hundred francs, and I should have to pay."
+
+"He has not done the buying. You could refuse."
+
+"I could not dare to refuse. He would never bring travelers here again.
+More than that, he would denounce me to the other couriers, they would
+divert custom from me, and my business would be injured."
+
+I went away in a thoughtful frame of mind. I began to see why a courier
+could afford to work for fifty-five dollars a month and his fares. A
+month or two later I was able to understand why a courier did not have
+to pay any board and lodging, and why my hotel bills were always larger
+when I had him with me than when I left him behind, somewhere, for a few
+days.
+
+Another thing was also explained, now, apparently. In one town I had
+taken the courier to the bank to do the translating when I drew some
+money. I had sat in the reading-room till the transaction was finished.
+Then a clerk had brought the money to me in person, and had been
+exceedingly polite, even going so far as to precede me to the door and
+holding it open for me and bow me out as if I had been a distinguished
+personage. It was a new experience. Exchange had been in my favor ever
+since I had been in Europe, but just that one time. I got simply the
+face of my draft, and no extra francs, whereas I had expected to get
+quite a number of them. This was the first time I had ever used the
+courier at the bank. I had suspected something then, and as long as he
+remained with me afterward I managed bank matters by myself.
+
+Still, if I felt that I could afford the tax, I would never travel
+without a courier, for a good courier is a convenience whose value
+cannot be estimated in dollars and cents. Without him, travel is a
+bitter harassment, a purgatory of little exasperating annoyances, a
+ceaseless and pitiless punishment--I mean to an irascible man who has no
+business capacity and is confused by details.
+
+
+
+Without a courier, travel hasn't a ray of pleasure in it, anywhere; but
+with him it is a continuous and unruffled delight. He is always at hand,
+never has to be sent for; if your bell is not answered promptly--and it
+seldom is--you have only to open the door and speak, the courier will
+hear, and he will have the order attended to or raise an insurrection.
+You tell him what day you will start, and whither you are going--leave
+all the rest to him. You need not inquire about trains, or fares, or car
+changes, or hotels, or anything else. At the proper time he will put you
+in a cab or an omnibus, and drive you to the train or the boat; he has
+packed your luggage and transferred it, he has paid all the bills. Other
+people have preceded you half an hour to scramble for impossible places
+and lose their tempers, but you can take your time; the courier has
+secured your seats for you, and you can occupy them at your leisure.
+
+At the station, the crowd mash one another to pulp in the effort to get
+the weigher's attention to their trunks; they dispute hotly with these
+tyrants, who are cool and indifferent; they get their baggage billets,
+at last, and then have another squeeze and another rage over the
+disheartening business of trying to get them recorded and paid for, and
+still another over the equally disheartening business of trying to get
+near enough to the ticket office to buy a ticket; and now, with their
+tempers gone to the dogs, they must stand penned up and packed together,
+laden with wraps and satchels and shawl-straps, with the weary wife and
+babies, in the waiting-room, till the doors are thrown open--and then
+all hands make a grand final rush to the train, find it full, and have
+to stand on the platform and fret until some more cars are put on. They
+are in a condition to kill somebody by this time. Meantime, you have
+been sitting in your car, smoking, and observing all this misery in the
+extremest comfort.
+
+
+
+On the journey the guard is polite and watchful--won't allow anybody to
+get into your compartment--tells them you are just recovering from the
+small-pox and do not like to be disturbed. For the courier has made
+everything right with the guard. At way-stations the courier comes to
+your compartment to see if you want a glass of water, or a newspaper,
+or anything; at eating-stations he sends luncheon out to you, while the
+other people scramble and worry in the dining-rooms. If anything breaks
+about the car you are in, and a station-master proposes to pack you and
+your agent into a compartment with strangers, the courier reveals to him
+confidentially that you are a French duke born deaf and dumb, and the
+official comes and makes affable signs that he has ordered a choice car
+to be added to the train for you.
+
+At custom-houses the multitude file tediously through, hot and
+irritated, and look on while the officers burrow into the trunks and
+make a mess of everything; but you hand your keys to the courier and sit
+still. Perhaps you arrive at your destination in a rain-storm at ten
+at night--you generally do. The multitude spend half an hour verifying
+their baggage and getting it transferred to the omnibuses; but the
+courier puts you into a vehicle without a moment's loss of time, and
+when you reach your hotel you find your rooms have been secured two or
+three days in advance, everything is ready, you can go at once to bed.
+Some of those other people will have to drift around to two or three
+hotels, in the rain, before they find accommodations.
+
+I have not set down half of the virtues that are vested in a good
+courier, but I think I have set down a sufficiency of them to show that
+an irritable man who can afford one and does not employ him is not a
+wise economist. My courier was the worst one in Europe, yet he was a
+good deal better than none at all. It could not pay him to be a better
+one than he was, because I could not afford to buy things through him.
+He was a good enough courier for the small amount he got out of his
+service. Yes, to travel with a courier is bliss, to travel without one
+is the reverse.
+
+I have had dealings with some very bad couriers; but I have also had
+dealings with one who might fairly be called perfection. He was a young
+Polander, named Joseph N. Verey. He spoke eight languages, and seemed
+to be equally at home in all of them; he was shrewd, prompt, posted,
+and punctual; he was fertile in resources, and singularly gifted in the
+matter of overcoming difficulties; he not only knew how to do everything
+in his line, but he knew the best ways and the quickest; he was handy
+with children and invalids; all his employer needed to do was to take
+life easy and leave everything to the courier. His address is, care of
+Messrs. Gay & Son, Strand, London; he was formerly a conductor of Gay's
+tourist parties. Excellent couriers are somewhat rare; if the reader is
+about to travel, he will find it to his advantage to make a note of this
+one.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXIII
+
+[We Climb Far--by Buggy]
+
+
+The beautiful Giesbach Fall is near Interlaken, on the other side of
+the lake of Brienz, and is illuminated every night with those gorgeous
+theatrical fires whose name I cannot call just at this moment. This was
+said to be a spectacle which the tourist ought by no means to miss. I
+was strongly tempted, but I could not go there with propriety, because
+one goes in a boat. The task which I had set myself was to walk over
+Europe on foot, not skim over it in a boat. I had made a tacit contract
+with myself; it was my duty to abide by it. I was willing to make boat
+trips for pleasure, but I could not conscientiously make them in the way
+of business.
+
+It cost me something of a pang to lose that fine sight, but I lived down
+the desire, and gained in my self-respect through the triumph. I had
+a finer and a grander sight, however, where I was. This was the mighty
+dome of the Jungfrau softly outlined against the sky and faintly
+silvered by the starlight. There was something subduing in the influence
+of that silent and solemn and awful presence; one seemed to meet the
+immutable, the indestructible, the eternal, face to face, and to feel
+the trivial and fleeting nature of his own existence the more sharply
+by the contrast. One had the sense of being under the brooding
+contemplation of a spirit, not an inert mass of rocks and ice--a spirit
+which had looked down, through the slow drift of the ages, upon a
+million vanished races of men, and judged them; and would judge a
+million more--and still be there, watching, unchanged and unchangeable,
+after all life should be gone and the earth have become a vacant
+desolation.
+
+While I was feeling these things, I was groping, without knowing it,
+toward an understanding of what the spell is which people find in the
+Alps, and in no other mountains--that strange, deep, nameless influence,
+which, once felt, cannot be forgotten--once felt, leaves always
+behind it a restless longing to feel it again--a longing which is like
+homesickness; a grieving, haunting yearning which will plead, implore,
+and persecute till it has its will. I met dozens of people, imaginative
+and unimaginative, cultivated and uncultivated, who had come from far
+countries and roamed through the Swiss Alps year after year--they could
+not explain why. They had come first, they said, out of idle curiosity,
+because everybody talked about it; they had come since because they
+could not help it, and they should keep on coming, while they lived, for
+the same reason; they had tried to break their chains and stay away, but
+it was futile; now, they had no desire to break them. Others came nearer
+formulating what they felt; they said they could find perfect rest and
+peace nowhere else when they were troubled: all frets and worries and
+chafings sank to sleep in the presence of the benignant serenity of the
+Alps; the Great Spirit of the Mountain breathed his own peace upon their
+hurt minds and sore hearts, and healed them; they could not think base
+thoughts or do mean and sordid things here, before the visible throne of
+God.
+
+Down the road a piece was a Kursaal--whatever that may be--and we joined
+the human tide to see what sort of enjoyment it might afford. It was the
+usual open-air concert, in an ornamental garden, with wines, beer, milk,
+whey, grapes, etc.--the whey and the grapes being necessaries of life to
+certain invalids whom physicians cannot repair, and who only continue to
+exist by the grace of whey or grapes. One of these departed spirits told
+me, in a sad and lifeless way, that there is no way for him to live but
+by whey, and dearly, dearly loved whey, he didn't know whey he did, but
+he did. After making this pun he died--that is the whey it served him.
+
+
+
+Some other remains, preserved from decomposition by the grape system,
+told me that the grapes were of a peculiar breed, highly medicinal in
+their nature, and that they were counted out and administered by the
+grape-doctors as methodically as if they were pills. The new patient,
+if very feeble, began with one grape before breakfast, took three
+during breakfast, a couple between meals, five at luncheon, three in the
+afternoon, seven at dinner, four for supper, and part of a grape just
+before going to bed, by way of a general regulator. The quantity was
+gradually and regularly increased, according to the needs and capacities
+of the patient, until by and by you would find him disposing of his one
+grape per second all the day long, and his regular barrel per day.
+
+He said that men cured in this way, and enabled to discard the grape
+system, never afterward got over the habit of talking as if they were
+dictating to a slow amanuensis, because they always made a pause between
+each two words while they sucked the substance out of an imaginary
+grape. He said these were tedious people to talk with. He said that men
+who had been cured by the other process were easily distinguished from
+the rest of mankind because they always tilted their heads back, between
+every two words, and swallowed a swig of imaginary whey. He said it was
+an impressive thing to observe two men, who had been cured by the two
+processes, engaged in conversation--said their pauses and accompanying
+movements were so continuous and regular that a stranger would think
+himself in the presence of a couple of automatic machines. One finds
+out a great many wonderful things, by traveling, if he stumbles upon the
+right person.
+
+I did not remain long at the Kursaal; the music was good enough, but it
+seemed rather tame after the cyclone of that Arkansaw expert. Besides,
+my adventurous spirit had conceived a formidable enterprise--nothing
+less than a trip from Interlaken, by the Gemmi and Visp, clear to
+Zermatt, on foot! So it was necessary to plan the details, and get ready
+for an early start. The courier (this was not the one I have just been
+speaking of) thought that the portier of the hotel would be able to tell
+us how to find our way. And so it turned out. He showed us the whole
+thing, on a relief-map, and we could see our route, with all its
+elevations and depressions, its villages and its rivers, as clearly as
+if we were sailing over it in a balloon. A relief-map is a great thing.
+The portier also wrote down each day's journey and the nightly hotel on
+a piece of paper, and made our course so plain that we should never be
+able to get lost without high-priced outside help.
+
+I put the courier in the care of a gentleman who was going to Lausanne,
+and then we went to bed, after laying out the walking-costumes and
+putting them into condition for instant occupation in the morning.
+
+However, when we came down to breakfast at 8 A.M., it looked so much
+like rain that I hired a two-horse top-buggy for the first third of the
+journey. For two or three hours we jogged along the level road which
+skirts the beautiful lake of Thun, with a dim and dreamlike picture of
+watery expanses and spectral Alpine forms always before us, veiled in
+a mellowing mist. Then a steady downpour set in, and hid everything but
+the nearest objects. We kept the rain out of our faces with umbrellas,
+and away from our bodies with the leather apron of the buggy; but the
+driver sat unsheltered and placidly soaked the weather in and seemed
+to like it. We had the road to ourselves, and I never had a pleasanter
+excursion.
+
+The weather began to clear while we were driving up a valley called the
+Kienthal, and presently a vast black cloud-bank in front of us dissolved
+away and uncurtained the grand proportions and the soaring loftiness of
+the Blumis Alp. It was a sort of breath-taking surprise; for we had not
+supposed there was anything behind that low-hung blanket of sable cloud
+but level valley. What we had been mistaking for fleeting glimpses of
+sky away aloft there, were really patches of the Blumis's snowy crest
+caught through shredded rents in the drifting pall of vapor.
+
+We dined in the inn at Frutigen, and our driver ought to have dined
+there, too, but he would not have had time to dine and get drunk
+both, so he gave his mind to making a masterpiece of the latter, and
+succeeded. A German gentleman and his two young-lady daughters had been
+taking their nooning at the inn, and when they left, just ahead of us,
+it was plain that their driver was as drunk as ours, and as happy
+and good-natured, too, which was saying a good deal. These rascals
+overflowed with attentions and information for their guests, and with
+brotherly love for each other. They tied their reins, and took off
+their coats and hats, so that they might be able to give unencumbered
+attention to conversation and to the gestures necessary for its
+illustration.
+
+
+
+The road was smooth; it led up and over and down a continual succession
+of hills; but it was narrow, the horses were used to it, and could
+not well get out of it anyhow; so why shouldn't the drivers entertain
+themselves and us? The noses of our horses projected sociably into the
+rear of the forward carriage, and as we toiled up the long hills our
+driver stood up and talked to his friend, and his friend stood up and
+talked back to him, with his rear to the scenery. When the top was
+reached and we went flying down the other side, there was no change
+in the program. I carry in my memory yet the picture of that forward
+driver, on his knees on his high seat, resting his elbows on its back,
+and beaming down on his passengers, with happy eye, and flying hair, and
+jolly red face, and offering his card to the old German gentleman while
+he praised his hack and horses, and both teams were whizzing down a
+long hill with nobody in a position to tell whether we were bound to
+destruction or an undeserved safety.
+
+Toward sunset we entered a beautiful green valley dotted with chalets, a
+cozy little domain hidden away from the busy world in a cloistered nook
+among giant precipices topped with snowy peaks that seemed to float like
+islands above the curling surf of the sea of vapor that severed them
+from the lower world. Down from vague and vaporous heights, little
+ruffled zigzag milky currents came crawling, and found their way to the
+verge of one of those tremendous overhanging walls, whence they plunged,
+a shaft of silver, shivered to atoms in mid-descent and turned to an air
+puff of luminous dust. Here and there, in grooved depressions among the
+snowy desolations of the upper altitudes, one glimpsed the extremity of
+a glacier, with its sea-green and honeycombed battlements of ice.
+
+
+
+Up the valley, under a dizzy precipice, nestled the village of
+Kandersteg, our halting-place for the night. We were soon there, and
+housed in the hotel. But the waning day had such an inviting influence
+that we did not remain housed many moments, but struck out and followed
+a roaring torrent of ice-water up to its far source in a sort of little
+grass-carpeted parlor, walled in all around by vast precipices and
+overlooked by clustering summits of ice. This was the snuggest little
+croquet-ground imaginable; it was perfectly level, and not more than a
+mile long by half a mile wide. The walls around it were so gigantic, and
+everything about it was on so mighty a scale that it was belittled, by
+contrast, to what I have likened it to--a cozy and carpeted parlor. It
+was so high above the Kandersteg valley that there was nothing between
+it and the snowy-peaks. I had never been in such intimate relations with
+the high altitudes before; the snow-peaks had always been remote and
+unapproachable grandeurs, hitherto, but now we were hob-a-nob--if one
+may use such a seemingly irreverent expression about creations so august
+as these.
+
+We could see the streams which fed the torrent we had followed issuing
+from under the greenish ramparts of glaciers; but two or three of these,
+instead of flowing over the precipices, sank down into the rock and
+sprang in big jets out of holes in the mid-face of the walls.
+
+
+
+The green nook which I have been describing is called the Gasternthal.
+The glacier streams gather and flow through it in a broad and rushing
+brook to a narrow cleft between lofty precipices; here the rushing
+brook becomes a mad torrent and goes booming and thundering down
+toward Kandersteg, lashing and thrashing its way over and among monster
+boulders, and hurling chance roots and logs about like straws. There
+was no lack of cascades along this route. The path by the side of
+the torrent was so narrow that one had to look sharp, when he heard a
+cow-bell, and hunt for a place that was wide enough to accommodate a cow
+and a Christian side by side, and such places were not always to be had
+at an instant's notice. The cows wear church-bells, and that is a
+good idea in the cows, for where that torrent is, you couldn't hear
+an ordinary cow-bell any further than you could hear the ticking of a
+watch.
+
+I needed exercise, so I employed my agent in setting stranded logs and
+dead trees adrift, and I sat on a boulder and watched them go whirling
+and leaping head over heels down the boiling torrent. It was a
+wonderfully exhilarating spectacle. When I had had enough exercise, I
+made the agent take some, by running a race with one of those logs. I
+made a trifle by betting on the log.
+
+
+
+After dinner we had a walk up and down the Kandersteg valley, in the
+soft gloaming, with the spectacle of the dying lights of day playing
+about the crests and pinnacles of the still and solemn upper realm
+for contrast, and text for talk. There were no sounds but the dulled
+complaining of the torrent and the occasional tinkling of a distant
+bell. The spirit of the place was a sense of deep, pervading peace; one
+might dream his life tranquilly away there, and not miss it or mind it
+when it was gone.
+
+The summer departed with the sun, and winter came with the stars. It
+grew to be a bitter night in that little hotel, backed up against a
+precipice that had no visible top to it, but we kept warm, and woke in
+time in the morning to find that everybody else had left for Gemmi
+three hours before--so our little plan of helping that German family
+(principally the old man) over the pass, was a blocked generosity.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXIV
+
+[The World's Highest Pig Farm]
+
+
+We hired the only guide left, to lead us on our way. He was over
+seventy, but he could have given me nine-tenths of his strength and
+still had all his age entitled him to. He shouldered our satchels,
+overcoats, and alpenstocks, and we set out up the steep path. It was hot
+work. The old man soon begged us to hand over our coats and waistcoats
+to him to carry, too, and we did it; one could not refuse so little a
+thing to a poor old man like that; he should have had them if he had
+been a hundred and fifty.
+
+When we began that ascent, we could see a microscopic chalet perched
+away up against heaven on what seemed to be the highest mountain near
+us. It was on our right, across the narrow head of the valley. But when
+we got up abreast it on its own level, mountains were towering high
+above on every hand, and we saw that its altitude was just about that of
+the little Gasternthal which we had visited the evening before. Still it
+seemed a long way up in the air, in that waste and lonely wilderness of
+rocks. It had an unfenced grass-plot in front of it which seemed about
+as big as a billiard-table, and this grass-plot slanted so sharply
+downward, and was so brief, and ended so exceedingly soon at the verge
+of the absolute precipice, that it was a shuddery thing to think of a
+person's venturing to trust his foot on an incline so situated at all.
+Suppose a man stepped on an orange peel in that yard; there would be
+nothing for him to seize; nothing could keep him from rolling; five
+revolutions would bring him to the edge, and over he would go.
+
+
+
+What a frightful distance he would fall!--for there are very few birds
+that fly as high as his starting-point. He would strike and bounce, two
+or three times, on his way down, but this would be no advantage to him.
+I would as soon take an airing on the slant of a rainbow as in such
+a front yard. I would rather, in fact, for the distance down would be
+about the same, and it is pleasanter to slide than to bounce. I could
+not see how the peasants got up to that chalet--the region seemed too
+steep for anything but a balloon.
+
+As we strolled on, climbing up higher and higher, we were continually
+bringing neighboring peaks into view and lofty prominence which had been
+hidden behind lower peaks before; so by and by, while standing before a
+group of these giants, we looked around for the chalet again; there it
+was, away down below us, apparently on an inconspicuous ridge in the
+valley! It was as far below us, now, as it had been above us when we
+were beginning the ascent.
+
+After a while the path led us along a railed precipice, and we looked
+over--far beneath us was the snug parlor again, the little Gasternthal,
+with its water jets spouting from the face of its rock walls. We could
+have dropped a stone into it. We had been finding the top of the world
+all along--and always finding a still higher top stealing into view in
+a disappointing way just ahead; when we looked down into the Gasternthal
+we felt pretty sure that we had reached the genuine top at last, but it
+was not so; there were much higher altitudes to be scaled yet. We were
+still in the pleasant shade of forest trees, we were still in a region
+which was cushioned with beautiful mosses and aglow with the many-tinted
+luster of innumerable wild flowers.
+
+We found, indeed, more interest in the wild flowers than in anything
+else. We gathered a specimen or two of every kind which we were
+unacquainted with; so we had sumptuous bouquets. But one of the chief
+interests lay in chasing the seasons of the year up the mountain, and
+determining them by the presence of flowers and berries which we were
+acquainted with. For instance, it was the end of August at the level
+of the sea; in the Kandersteg valley at the base of the pass, we found
+flowers which would not be due at the sea-level for two or three weeks;
+higher up, we entered October, and gathered fringed gentians. I made
+no notes, and have forgotten the details, but the construction of the
+floral calendar was very entertaining while it lasted.
+
+
+
+In the high regions we found rich store of the splendid red flower
+called the Alpine rose, but we did not find any examples of the ugly
+Swiss favorite called Edelweiss. Its name seems to indicate that it is a
+noble flower and that it is white. It may be noble enough, but it is not
+attractive, and it is not white. The fuzzy blossom is the color of bad
+cigar ashes, and appears to be made of a cheap quality of gray plush. It
+has a noble and distant way of confining itself to the high altitudes,
+but that is probably on account of its looks; it apparently has no
+monopoly of those upper altitudes, however, for they are sometimes
+intruded upon by some of the loveliest of the valley families of wild
+flowers. Everybody in the Alps wears a sprig of Edelweiss in his hat. It
+is the native's pet, and also the tourist's.
+
+All the morning, as we loafed along, having a good time, other
+pedestrians went staving by us with vigorous strides, and with the
+intent and determined look of men who were walking for a wager. These
+wore loose knee-breeches, long yarn stockings, and hobnailed high-laced
+walking-shoes. They were gentlemen who would go home to England or
+Germany and tell how many miles they had beaten the guide-book every
+day. But I doubted if they ever had much real fun, outside of the mere
+magnificent exhilaration of the tramp through the green valleys and the
+breezy heights; for they were almost always alone, and even the finest
+scenery loses incalculably when there is no one to enjoy it with.
+
+All the morning an endless double procession of mule-mounted tourists
+filed past us along the narrow path--the one procession going, the
+other coming. We had taken a good deal of trouble to teach ourselves the
+kindly German custom of saluting all strangers with doffed hat, and we
+resolutely clung to it, that morning, although it kept us bareheaded
+most of the time and was not always responded to. Still we found an
+interest in the thing, because we naturally liked to know who were
+English and Americans among the passers-by. All continental natives
+responded of course; so did some of the English and Americans, but, as
+a general thing, these two races gave no sign. Whenever a man or a woman
+showed us cold neglect, we spoke up confidently in our own tongue and
+asked for such information as we happened to need, and we always got a
+reply in the same language. The English and American folk are not less
+kindly than other races, they are only more reserved, and that comes of
+habit and education. In one dreary, rocky waste, away above the line of
+vegetation, we met a procession of twenty-five mounted young men, all
+from America. We got answering bows enough from these, of course, for
+they were of an age to learn to do in Rome as Rome does, without much
+effort.
+
+At one extremity of this patch of desolation, overhung by bare and
+forbidding crags which husbanded drifts of everlasting snow in their
+shaded cavities, was a small stretch of thin and discouraged grass, and
+a man and a family of pigs were actually living here in some shanties.
+Consequently this place could be really reckoned as "property"; it had
+a money value, and was doubtless taxed. I think it must have marked
+the limit of real estate in this world. It would be hard to set a money
+value upon any piece of earth that lies between that spot and the empty
+realm of space. That man may claim the distinction of owning the end
+of the world, for if there is any definite end to the world he has
+certainly found it.
+
+
+
+From here forward we moved through a storm-swept and smileless
+desolation. All about us rose gigantic masses, crags, and ramparts of
+bare and dreary rock, with not a vestige or semblance of plant or tree
+or flower anywhere, or glimpse of any creature that had life. The frost
+and the tempests of unnumbered ages had battered and hacked at these
+cliffs, with a deathless energy, destroying them piecemeal; so all the
+region about their bases was a tumbled chaos of great fragments which
+had been split off and hurled to the ground. Soiled and aged banks of
+snow lay close about our path. The ghastly desolation of the place was
+as tremendously complete as if Dore had furnished the working-plans
+for it. But every now and then, through the stern gateways around us
+we caught a view of some neighboring majestic dome, sheathed with
+glittering ice, and displaying its white purity at an elevation compared
+to which ours was groveling and plebeian, and this spectacle always
+chained one's interest and admiration at once, and made him forget there
+was anything ugly in the world.
+
+I have just said that there was nothing but death and desolation in
+these hideous places, but I forgot. In the most forlorn and arid and
+dismal one of all, where the racked and splintered debris was thickest,
+where the ancient patches of snow lay against the very path, where
+the winds blew bitterest and the general aspect was mournfulest and
+dreariest, and furthest from any suggestion of cheer or hope, I found
+a solitary wee forget-me-not flourishing away, not a droop about it
+anywhere, but holding its bright blue star up with the prettiest and
+gallantest air in the world, the only happy spirit, the only smiling
+thing, in all that grisly desert. She seemed to say, "Cheer up!--as long
+as we are here, let us make the best of it." I judged she had earned a
+right to a more hospitable place; so I plucked her up and sent her to
+America to a friend who would respect her for the fight she had made,
+all by her small self, to make a whole vast despondent Alpine desolation
+stop breaking its heart over the unalterable, and hold up its head and
+look at the bright side of things for once.
+
+
+
+We stopped for a nooning at a strongly built little inn called the
+Schwarenbach. It sits in a lonely spot among the peaks, where it is
+swept by the trailing fringes of the cloud-rack, and is rained on, and
+snowed on, and pelted and persecuted by the storms, nearly every day of
+its life. It was the only habitation in the whole Gemmi Pass.
+
+Close at hand, now, was a chance for a blood-curdling Alpine adventure.
+Close at hand was the snowy mass of the Great Altels cooling its topknot
+in the sky and daring us to an ascent. I was fired with the idea, and
+immediately made up my mind to procure the necessary guides, ropes,
+etc., and undertake it. I instructed Harris to go to the landlord of the
+inn and set him about our preparations. Meantime, I went diligently to
+work to read up and find out what this much-talked-of mountain-climbing
+was like, and how one should go about it--for in these matters I
+was ignorant. I opened Mr. Hinchliff's SUMMER MONTHS AMONG THE ALPS
+(published 1857), and selected his account of his ascent of Monte Rosa.
+
+It began:
+
+"It is very difficult to free the mind from excitement on the evening
+before a grand expedition--"
+
+I saw that I was too calm; so I walked the room a while and worked
+myself into a high excitement; but the book's next remark --that the
+adventurer must get up at two in the morning--came as near as anything
+to flatting it all out again. However, I reinforced it, and read on,
+about how Mr. Hinchliff dressed by candle-light and was "soon down among
+the guides, who were bustling about in the passage, packing provisions,
+and making every preparation for the start"; and how he glanced out into
+the cold clear night and saw that--
+
+
+
+"The whole sky was blazing with stars, larger and brighter than they
+appear through the dense atmosphere breathed by inhabitants of the lower
+parts of the earth. They seemed actually suspended from the dark vault
+of heaven, and their gentle light shed a fairylike gleam over the
+snow-fields around the foot of the Matterhorn, which raised its
+stupendous pinnacle on high, penetrating to the heart of the Great Bear,
+and crowning itself with a diadem of his magnificent stars. Not a sound
+disturbed the deep tranquillity of the night, except the distant roar
+of streams which rush from the high plateau of the St. Theodule glacier,
+and fall headlong over precipitous rocks till they lose themselves in
+the mazes of the Gorner glacier."
+
+He took his hot toast and coffee, and then about half past three his
+caravan of ten men filed away from the Riffel Hotel, and began the steep
+climb. At half past five he happened to turn around, and "beheld the
+glorious spectacle of the Matterhorn, just touched by the rosy-fingered
+morning, and looking like a huge pyramid of fire rising out of the
+barren ocean of ice and rock around it." Then the Breithorn and the Dent
+Blanche caught the radiant glow; but "the intervening mass of Monte Rosa
+made it necessary for us to climb many long hours before we could hope
+to see the sun himself, yet the whole air soon grew warmer after the
+splendid birth of the day."
+
+He gazed at the lofty crown of Monte Rosa and the wastes of snow that
+guarded its steep approaches, and the chief guide delivered the opinion
+that no man could conquer their awful heights and put his foot upon that
+summit. But the adventurers moved steadily on, nevertheless.
+
+They toiled up, and up, and still up; they passed the Grand Plateau;
+then toiled up a steep shoulder of the mountain, clinging like flies to
+its rugged face; and now they were confronted by a tremendous wall
+from which great blocks of ice and snow were evidently in the habit of
+falling. They turned aside to skirt this wall, and gradually ascended
+until their way was barred by a "maze of gigantic snow crevices,"--so
+they turned aside again, and "began a long climb of sufficient steepness
+to make a zigzag course necessary."
+
+
+
+Fatigue compelled them to halt frequently, for a moment or two. At one
+of these halts somebody called out, "Look at Mont Blanc!" and "we were
+at once made aware of the very great height we had attained by actually
+seeing the monarch of the Alps and his attendant satellites right over
+the top of the Breithorn, itself at least 14,000 feet high!"
+
+These people moved in single file, and were all tied to a strong rope,
+at regular distances apart, so that if one of them slipped on those
+giddy heights, the others could brace themselves on their alpenstocks
+and save him from darting into the valley, thousands of feet below. By
+and by they came to an ice-coated ridge which was tilted up at a sharp
+angle, and had a precipice on one side of it. They had to climb this, so
+the guide in the lead cut steps in the ice with his hatchet, and as fast
+as he took his toes out of one of these slight holes, the toes of the
+man behind him occupied it.
+
+
+
+"Slowly and steadily we kept on our way over this dangerous part of the
+ascent, and I dare say it was fortunate for some of us that attention
+was distracted from the head by the paramount necessity of looking after
+the feet; FOR, WHILE ON THE LEFT THE INCLINE OF ICE WAS SO STEEP THAT
+IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ANY MAN TO SAVE HIMSELF IN CASE OF A SLIP,
+UNLESS THE OTHERS COULD HOLD HIM UP, ON THE RIGHT WE MIGHT DROP A PEBBLE
+FROM THE HAND OVER PRECIPICES OF UNKNOWN EXTENT DOWN UPON THE TREMENDOUS
+GLACIER BELOW.
+
+"Great caution, therefore, was absolutely necessary, and in this exposed
+situation we were attacked by all the fury of that grand enemy of
+aspirants to Monte Rosa--a severe and bitterly cold wind from the north.
+The fine powdery snow was driven past us in the clouds, penetrating the
+interstices of our clothes, and the pieces of ice which flew from the
+blows of Peter's ax were whisked into the air, and then dashed over the
+precipice. We had quite enough to do to prevent ourselves from being
+served in the same ruthless fashion, and now and then, in the more
+violent gusts of wind, were glad to stick our alpenstocks into the ice
+and hold on hard."
+
+Having surmounted this perilous steep, they sat down and took a brief
+rest with their backs against a sheltering rock and their heels dangling
+over a bottomless abyss; then they climbed to the base of another
+ridge--a more difficult and dangerous one still:
+
+"The whole of the ridge was exceedingly narrow, and the fall on each
+side desperately steep, but the ice in some of these intervals between
+the masses of rock assumed the form of a mere sharp edge, almost like a
+knife; these places, though not more than three or four short paces
+in length, looked uncommonly awkward; but, like the sword leading true
+believers to the gates of Paradise, they must needs be passed before
+we could attain to the summit of our ambition. These were in one or two
+places so narrow, that in stepping over them with toes well turned
+out for greater security, ONE END OF THE FOOT PROJECTED OVER THE AWFUL
+PRECIPICE ON THE RIGHT, WHILE THE OTHER WAS ON THE BEGINNING OF THE
+ICE SLOPE ON THE LEFT, WHICH WAS SCARCELY LESS STEEP THAN THE ROCKS. On
+these occasions Peter would take my hand, and each of us stretching as
+far as we could, he was thus enabled to get a firm footing two paces
+or rather more from me, whence a spring would probably bring him to the
+rock on the other side; then, turning around, he called to me to come,
+and, taking a couple of steps carefully, I was met at the third by his
+outstretched hand ready to clasp mine, and in a moment stood by his
+side. The others followed in much the same fashion. Once my right foot
+slipped on the side toward the precipice, but I threw out my left arm in
+a moment so that it caught the icy edge under my armpit as I fell, and
+supported me considerably; at the same instant I cast my eyes down the
+side on which I had slipped, and contrived to plant my right foot on
+a piece of rock as large as a cricket-ball, which chanced to protrude
+through the ice, on the very edge of the precipice. Being thus anchored
+fore and aft, as it were, I believe I could easily have recovered
+myself, even if I had been alone, though it must be confessed the
+situation would have been an awful one; as it was, however, a jerk from
+Peter settled the matter very soon, and I was on my legs all right in an
+instant. The rope is an immense help in places of this kind."
+
+
+
+Now they arrived at the base of a great knob or dome veneered with ice
+and powdered with snow--the utmost, summit, the last bit of solidity
+between them and the hollow vault of heaven. They set to work with their
+hatchets, and were soon creeping, insectlike, up its surface, with their
+heels projecting over the thinnest kind of nothingness, thickened up a
+little with a few wandering shreds and films of cloud moving in a lazy
+procession far below. Presently, one man's toe-hold broke and he fell!
+There he dangled in mid-air at the end of the rope, like a spider, till
+his friends above hauled him into place again.
+
+A little bit later, the party stood upon the wee pedestal of the very
+summit, in a driving wind, and looked out upon the vast green expanses
+of Italy and a shoreless ocean of billowy Alps.
+
+When I had read thus far, Harris broke into the room in a noble
+excitement and said the ropes and the guides were secured, and asked if
+I was ready. I said I believed I wouldn't ascend the Altels this time. I
+said Alp-climbing was a different thing from what I had supposed it was,
+and so I judged we had better study its points a little more before we
+went definitely into it. But I told him to retain the guides and order
+them to follow us to Zermatt, because I meant to use them there. I said
+I could feel the spirit of adventure beginning to stir in me, and was
+sure that the fell fascination of Alp-climbing would soon be upon me. I
+said he could make up his mind to it that we would do a deed before
+we were a week older which would make the hair of the timid curl with
+fright.
+
+This made Harris happy, and filled him with ambitious anticipations. He
+went at once to tell the guides to follow us to Zermatt and bring all
+their paraphernalia with them.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXV
+
+[Swindling the Coroner]
+
+
+A great and priceless thing is a new interest! How it takes possession
+of a man! how it clings to him, how it rides him! I strode onward from
+the Schwarenbach hostelry a changed man, a reorganized personality. I
+walked into a new world, I saw with new eyes. I had been looking
+aloft at the giant show-peaks only as things to be worshiped for their
+grandeur and magnitude, and their unspeakable grace of form; I looked
+up at them now, as also things to be conquered and climbed. My sense of
+their grandeur and their noble beauty was neither lost nor impaired; I
+had gained a new interest in the mountains without losing the old ones.
+I followed the steep lines up, inch by inch, with my eye, and noted the
+possibility or impossibility of following them with my feet. When I saw
+a shining helmet of ice projecting above the clouds, I tried to imagine
+I saw files of black specks toiling up it roped together with a gossamer
+thread.
+
+We skirted the lonely little lake called the Daubensee, and presently
+passed close by a glacier on the right--a thing like a great river
+frozen solid in its flow and broken square off like a wall at its mouth.
+I had never been so near a glacier before.
+
+Here we came upon a new board shanty, and found some men engaged in
+building a stone house; so the Schwarenbach was soon to have a rival. We
+bought a bottle or so of beer here; at any rate they called it beer, but
+I knew by the price that it was dissolved jewelry, and I perceived by
+the taste that dissolved jewelry is not good stuff to drink.
+
+
+
+We were surrounded by a hideous desolation. We stepped forward to a sort
+of jumping-off place, and were confronted by a startling contrast: we
+seemed to look down into fairyland. Two or three thousand feet below us
+was a bright green level, with a pretty town in its midst, and a silvery
+stream winding among the meadows; the charming spot was walled in on all
+sides by gigantic precipices clothed with pines; and over the pines, out
+of the softened distances, rose the snowy domes and peaks of the Monte
+Rosa region. How exquisitely green and beautiful that little valley down
+there was! The distance was not great enough to obliterate details, it
+only made them little, and mellow, and dainty, like landscapes and towns
+seen through the wrong end of a spy-glass.
+
+Right under us a narrow ledge rose up out of the valley, with a green,
+slanting, bench-shaped top, and grouped about upon this green-baize
+bench were a lot of black and white sheep which looked merely like
+oversized worms. The bench seemed lifted well up into our neighborhood,
+but that was a deception--it was a long way down to it.
+
+
+
+We began our descent, now, by the most remarkable road I have ever seen.
+It wound its corkscrew curves down the face of the colossal precipice--a
+narrow way, with always the solid rock wall at one elbow, and
+perpendicular nothingness at the other. We met an everlasting procession
+of guides, porters, mules, litters, and tourists climbing up this steep
+and muddy path, and there was no room to spare when you had to pass a
+tolerably fat mule. I always took the inside, when I heard or saw the
+mule coming, and flattened myself against the wall. I preferred the
+inside, of course, but I should have had to take it anyhow, because
+the mule prefers the outside. A mule's preference--on a precipice--is a
+thing to be respected. Well, his choice is always the outside. His life
+is mostly devoted to carrying bulky panniers and packages which rest
+against his body--therefore he is habituated to taking the outside edge
+of mountain paths, to keep his bundles from rubbing against rocks or
+banks on the other. When he goes into the passenger business he absurdly
+clings to his old habit, and keeps one leg of his passenger always
+dangling over the great deeps of the lower world while that passenger's
+heart is in the highlands, so to speak. More than once I saw a mule's
+hind foot cave over the outer edge and send earth and rubbish into the
+bottom abyss; and I noticed that upon these occasions the rider, whether
+male or female, looked tolerably unwell.
+
+There was one place where an eighteen-inch breadth of light masonry had
+been added to the verge of the path, and as there was a very sharp
+turn here, a panel of fencing had been set up there at some time, as
+a protection. This panel was old and gray and feeble, and the light
+masonry had been loosened by recent rains. A young American girl came
+along on a mule, and in making the turn the mule's hind foot caved all
+the loose masonry and one of the fence-posts overboard; the mule gave a
+violent lurch inboard to save himself, and succeeded in the effort, but
+that girl turned as white as the snows of Mont Blanc for a moment.
+
+
+
+The path was simply a groove cut into the face of the precipice; there
+was a four-foot breadth of solid rock under the traveler, and four-foot
+breadth of solid rock just above his head, like the roof of a narrow
+porch; he could look out from this gallery and see a sheer summitless
+and bottomless wall of rock before him, across a gorge or crack a
+biscuit's toss in width--but he could not see the bottom of his own
+precipice unless he lay down and projected his nose over the edge. I did
+not do this, because I did not wish to soil my clothes.
+
+Every few hundred yards, at particularly bad places, one came across
+a panel or so of plank fencing; but they were always old and weak,
+and they generally leaned out over the chasm and did not make any rash
+promises to hold up people who might need support. There was one of
+these panels which had only its upper board left; a pedestrianizing
+English youth came tearing down the path, was seized with an impulse to
+look over the precipice, and without an instant's thought he threw his
+weight upon that crazy board. It bent outward a foot! I never made a
+gasp before that came so near suffocating me. The English youth's face
+simply showed a lively surprise, but nothing more. He went swinging
+along valleyward again, as if he did not know he had just swindled a
+coroner by the closest kind of a shave.
+
+The Alpine litter is sometimes like a cushioned box made fast between
+the middles of two long poles, and sometimes it is a chair with a back
+to it and a support for the feet. It is carried by relays of strong
+porters. The motion is easier than that of any other conveyance. We met
+a few men and a great many ladies in litters; it seemed to me that most
+of the ladies looked pale and nauseated; their general aspect gave me
+the idea that they were patiently enduring a horrible suffering. As a
+rule, they looked at their laps, and left the scenery to take care of
+itself.
+
+
+
+But the most frightened creature I saw, was a led horse that overtook
+us. Poor fellow, he had been born and reared in the grassy levels of the
+Kandersteg valley and had never seen anything like this hideous place
+before. Every few steps he would stop short, glance wildly out from
+the dizzy height, and then spread his red nostrils wide and pant as
+violently as if he had been running a race; and all the while he quaked
+from head to heel as with a palsy. He was a handsome fellow, and he
+made a fine statuesque picture of terror, but it was pitiful to see him
+suffer so.
+
+
+
+This dreadful path has had its tragedy. Baedeker, with his customary
+over terseness, begins and ends the tale thus:
+
+"The descent on horseback should be avoided. In 1861 a Comtesse
+d'Herlincourt fell from her saddle over the precipice and was killed on
+the spot."
+
+We looked over the precipice there, and saw the monument which
+commemorates the event. It stands in the bottom of the gorge, in a place
+which has been hollowed out of the rock to protect it from the torrent
+and the storms. Our old guide never spoke but when spoken to, and then
+limited himself to a syllable or two, but when we asked him about this
+tragedy he showed a strong interest in the matter. He said the Countess
+was very pretty, and very young--hardly out of her girlhood, in fact.
+She was newly married, and was on her bridal tour. The young husband was
+riding a little in advance; one guide was leading the husband's horse,
+another was leading the bride's.
+
+The old man continued:
+
+"The guide that was leading the husband's horse happened to glance back,
+and there was that poor young thing sitting up staring out over the
+precipice; and her face began to bend downward a little, and she put
+up her two hands slowly and met it--so,--and put them flat against her
+eyes--so--and then she sank out of the saddle, with a sharp shriek, and
+one caught only the flash of a dress, and it was all over."
+
+
+
+Then after a pause:
+
+"Ah, yes, that guide saw these things--yes, he saw them all. He saw them
+all, just as I have told you."
+
+After another pause:
+
+"Ah, yes, he saw them all. My God, that was ME. I was that guide!"
+
+This had been the one event of the old man's life; so one may be sure he
+had forgotten no detail connected with it. We listened to all he had to
+say about what was done and what happened and what was said after the
+sorrowful occurrence, and a painful story it was.
+
+When we had wound down toward the valley until we were about on the last
+spiral of the corkscrew, Harris's hat blew over the last remaining
+bit of precipice--a small cliff a hundred or hundred and fifty feet
+high--and sailed down toward a steep slant composed of rough chips and
+fragments which the weather had flaked away from the precipices. We went
+leisurely down there, expecting to find it without any trouble, but we
+had made a mistake, as to that. We hunted during a couple of hours--not
+because the old straw hat was valuable, but out of curiosity to find
+out how such a thing could manage to conceal itself in open ground where
+there was nothing left for it to hide behind. When one is reading in
+bed, and lays his paper-knife down, he cannot find it again if it is
+smaller than a saber; that hat was as stubborn as any paper-knife could
+have been, and we finally had to give it up; but we found a fragment
+that had once belonged to an opera-glass, and by digging around and
+turning over the rocks we gradually collected all the lenses and the
+cylinders and the various odds and ends that go to making up a complete
+opera-glass. We afterward had the thing reconstructed, and the owner can
+have his adventurous lost-property by submitting proofs and paying costs
+of rehabilitation. We had hopes of finding the owner there, distributed
+around amongst the rocks, for it would have made an elegant paragraph;
+but we were disappointed. Still, we were far from being disheartened,
+for there was a considerable area which we had not thoroughly searched;
+we were satisfied he was there, somewhere, so we resolved to wait over a
+day at Leuk and come back and get him.
+
+Then we sat down to polish off the perspiration and arrange about what
+we would do with him when we got him. Harris was for contributing him to
+the British Museum; but I was for mailing him to his widow. That is the
+difference between Harris and me: Harris is all for display, I am all
+for the simple right, even though I lose money by it. Harris argued in
+favor of his proposition against mine, I argued in favor of mine and
+against his. The discussion warmed into a dispute; the dispute warmed
+into a quarrel. I finally said, very decidedly:
+
+"My mind is made up. He goes to the widow."
+
+Harris answered sharply:
+
+"And MY mind is made up. He goes to the Museum."
+
+I said, calmly:
+
+"The museum may whistle when it gets him."
+
+Harris retorted:
+
+"The widow may save herself the trouble of whistling, for I will see
+that she never gets him."
+
+After some angry bandying of epithets, I said:
+
+"It seems to me that you are taking on a good many airs about these
+remains. I don't quite see what YOU'VE got to say about them?"
+
+"I? I've got ALL to say about them. They'd never have been thought of if
+I hadn't found their opera-glass. The corpse belongs to me, and I'll do
+as I please with him."
+
+I was leader of the Expedition, and all discoveries achieved by it
+naturally belonged to me. I was entitled to these remains, and could
+have enforced my right; but rather than have bad blood about the matter,
+I said we would toss up for them. I threw heads and won, but it was a
+barren victory, for although we spent all the next day searching, we
+never found a bone. I cannot imagine what could ever have become of that
+fellow.
+
+The town in the valley is called Leuk or Leukerbad. We pointed our
+course toward it, down a verdant slope which was adorned with fringed
+gentians and other flowers, and presently entered the narrow alleys of
+the outskirts and waded toward the middle of the town through liquid
+"fertilizer." They ought to either pave that village or organize a
+ferry.
+
+Harris's body was simply a chamois-pasture; his person was populous with
+the little hungry pests; his skin, when he stripped, was splotched like
+a scarlet-fever patient's; so, when we were about to enter one of the
+Leukerbad inns, and he noticed its sign, "Chamois Hotel," he refused to
+stop there. He said the chamois was plentiful enough, without hunting
+up hotels where they made a specialty of it. I was indifferent, for the
+chamois is a creature that will neither bite me nor abide with me; but
+to calm Harris, we went to the Hotel des Alpes.
+
+At the table d'hote, we had this, for an incident. A very grave man--in
+fact his gravity amounted to solemnity, and almost to austerity--sat
+opposite us and he was "tight," but doing his best to appear sober. He
+took up a CORKED bottle of wine, tilted it over his glass awhile, then
+set it out of the way, with a contented look, and went on with his
+dinner.
+
+Presently he put his glass to his mouth, and of course found it empty.
+He looked puzzled, and glanced furtively and suspiciously out of the
+corner of his eye at a benignant and unconscious old lady who sat at his
+right. Shook his head, as much as to say, "No, she couldn't have
+done it." He tilted the corked bottle over his glass again, meantime
+searching around with his watery eye to see if anybody was watching him.
+He ate a few mouthfuls, raised his glass to his lips, and of course it
+was still empty. He bent an injured and accusing side-glance upon that
+unconscious old lady, which was a study to see. She went on eating and
+gave no sign. He took up his glass and his bottle, with a wise private
+nod of his head, and set them gravely on the left-hand side of his
+plate--poured himself another imaginary drink--went to work with
+his knife and fork once more--presently lifted his glass with good
+confidence, and found it empty, as usual.
+
+This was almost a petrifying surprise. He straightened himself up in his
+chair and deliberately and sorrowfully inspected the busy old ladies at
+his elbows, first one and then the other. At last he softly pushed his
+plate away, set his glass directly in front of him, held on to it
+with his left hand, and proceeded to pour with his right. This time
+he observed that nothing came. He turned the bottle clear upside down;
+still nothing issued from it; a plaintive look came into his face, and
+he said, as if to himself,
+
+"'IC! THEY'VE GOT IT ALL!" Then he set the bottle down, resignedly, and
+took the rest of his dinner dry.
+
+
+
+It was at that table d'hote, too, that I had under inspection the
+largest lady I have ever seen in private life. She was over seven feet
+high, and magnificently proportioned. What had first called my attention
+to her, was my stepping on an outlying flange of her foot, and hearing,
+from up toward the ceiling, a deep "Pardon, m'sieu, but you encroach!"
+
+That was when we were coming through the hall, and the place was dim,
+and I could see her only vaguely. The thing which called my attention
+to her the second time was, that at a table beyond ours were two very
+pretty girls, and this great lady came in and sat down between them and
+me and blotted out my view. She had a handsome face, and she was very
+finely formed--perfectly formed, I should say. But she made everybody
+around her look trivial and commonplace. Ladies near her looked like
+children, and the men about her looked mean. They looked like failures;
+and they looked as if they felt so, too. She sat with her back to us. I
+never saw such a back in my life. I would have so liked to see the
+moon rise over it. The whole congregation waited, under one pretext or
+another, till she finished her dinner and went out; they wanted to see
+her at full altitude, and they found it worth tarrying for. She filled
+one's idea of what an empress ought to be, when she rose up in her
+unapproachable grandeur and moved superbly out of that place.
+
+
+
+We were not at Leuk in time to see her at her heaviest weight. She had
+suffered from corpulence and had come there to get rid of her extra
+flesh in the baths. Five weeks of soaking--five uninterrupted hours of
+it every day--had accomplished her purpose and reduced her to the right
+proportions.
+
+
+
+Those baths remove fat, and also skin-diseases. The patients remain in
+the great tanks for hours at a time. A dozen gentlemen and ladies occupy
+a tank together, and amuse themselves with rompings and various games.
+They have floating desks and tables, and they read or lunch or play
+chess in water that is breast-deep. The tourist can step in and view
+this novel spectacle if he chooses. There's a poor-box, and he will have
+to contribute. There are several of these big bathing-houses, and you
+can always tell when you are near one of them by the romping noises and
+shouts of laughter that proceed from it. The water is running water, and
+changes all the time, else a patient with a ringworm might take the bath
+with only a partial success, since, while he was ridding himself of the
+ringworm, he might catch the itch.
+
+
+
+The next morning we wandered back up the green valley, leisurely, with
+the curving walls of those bare and stupendous precipices rising
+into the clouds before us. I had never seen a clean, bare precipice
+stretching up five thousand feet above me before, and I never shall
+expect to see another one. They exist, perhaps, but not in places where
+one can easily get close to them. This pile of stone is peculiar. From
+its base to the soaring tops of its mighty towers, all its lines and all
+its details vaguely suggest human architecture. There are rudimentary
+bow-windows, cornices, chimneys, demarcations of stories, etc. One could
+sit and stare up there and study the features and exquisite graces of
+this grand structure, bit by bit, and day after day, and never weary his
+interest. The termination, toward the town, observed in profile, is the
+perfection of shape. It comes down out of the clouds in a succession of
+rounded, colossal, terracelike projections--a stairway for the gods; at
+its head spring several lofty storm-scarred towers, one after another,
+with faint films of vapor curling always about them like spectral
+banners. If there were a king whose realms included the whole world,
+here would be the place meet and proper for such a monarch. He would
+only need to hollow it out and put in the electric light. He could give
+audience to a nation at a time under its roof.
+
+Our search for those remains having failed, we inspected with a glass
+the dim and distant track of an old-time avalanche that once swept down
+from some pine-grown summits behind the town and swept away the houses
+and buried the people; then we struck down the road that leads toward
+the Rhone, to see the famous Ladders. These perilous things are built
+against the perpendicular face of a cliff two or three hundred feet
+high. The peasants, of both sexes, were climbing up and down them, with
+heavy loads on their backs. I ordered Harris to make the ascent, so I
+could put the thrill and horror of it in my book, and he accomplished
+the feat successfully, through a subagent, for three francs, which I
+paid. It makes me shudder yet when I think of what I felt when I was
+clinging there between heaven and earth in the person of that proxy. At
+times the world swam around me, and I could hardly keep from letting go,
+so dizzying was the appalling danger. Many a person would have given up
+and descended, but I stuck to my task, and would not yield until I had
+accomplished it. I felt a just pride in my exploit, but I would not have
+repeated it for the wealth of the world. I shall break my neck yet with
+some such foolhardy performance, for warnings never seem to have any
+lasting effect on me. When the people of the hotel found that I had
+been climbing those crazy Ladders, it made me an object of considerable
+attention.
+
+Next morning, early, we drove to the Rhone valley and took the train for
+Visp. There we shouldered our knapsacks and things, and set out on foot,
+in a tremendous rain, up the winding gorge, toward Zermatt. Hour after
+hour we slopped along, by the roaring torrent, and under noble Lesser
+Alps which were clothed in rich velvety green all the way up and
+had little atomy Swiss homes perched upon grassy benches along their
+mist-dimmed heights.
+
+The rain continued to pour and the torrent to boom, and we continued
+to enjoy both. At the one spot where this torrent tossed its white mane
+highest, and thundered loudest, and lashed the big boulders fiercest,
+the canton had done itself the honor to build the flimsiest wooden
+bridge that exists in the world. While we were walking over it, along
+with a party of horsemen, I noticed that even the larger raindrops made
+it shake. I called Harris's attention to it, and he noticed it, too.
+It seemed to me that if I owned an elephant that was a keepsake, and I
+thought a good deal of him, I would think twice before I would ride him
+over that bridge.
+
+We climbed up to the village of St. Nicholas, about half past four
+in the afternoon, waded ankle-deep through the fertilizer-juice, and
+stopped at a new and nice hotel close by the little church. We stripped
+and went to bed, and sent our clothes down to be baked. And the horde
+of soaked tourists did the same. That chaos of clothing got mixed in the
+kitchen, and there were consequences.
+
+
+
+I did not get back the same drawers I sent down, when our things came up
+at six-fifteen; I got a pair on a new plan. They were merely a pair
+of white ruffle-cuffed absurdities, hitched together at the top with
+a narrow band, and they did not come quite down to my knees. They were
+pretty enough, but they made me feel like two people, and disconnected
+at that. The man must have been an idiot that got himself up like
+that, to rough it in the Swiss mountains. The shirt they brought me
+was shorter than the drawers, and hadn't any sleeves to it--at least
+it hadn't anything more than what Mr. Darwin would call "rudimentary"
+sleeves; these had "edging" around them, but the bosom was ridiculously
+plain. The knit silk undershirt they brought me was on a new plan, and
+was really a sensible thing; it opened behind, and had pockets in it to
+put your shoulder-blades in; but they did not seem to fit mine, and so
+I found it a sort of uncomfortable garment. They gave my bobtail coat
+to somebody else, and sent me an ulster suitable for a giraffe. I had
+to tie my collar on, because there was no button behind on that foolish
+little shirt which I described a while ago.
+
+When I was dressed for dinner at six-thirty, I was too loose in some
+places and too tight in others, and altogether I felt slovenly and
+ill-conditioned. However, the people at the table d'hote were no better
+off than I was; they had everybody's clothes but their own on. A
+long stranger recognized his ulster as soon as he saw the tail of it
+following me in, but nobody claimed my shirt or my drawers, though I
+described them as well as I was able. I gave them to the chambermaid
+that night when I went to bed, and she probably found the owner, for my
+own things were on a chair outside my door in the morning.
+
+There was a lovable English clergyman who did not get to the table
+d'hote at all. His breeches had turned up missing, and without any
+equivalent. He said he was not more particular than other people, but he
+had noticed that a clergyman at dinner without any breeches was almost
+sure to excite remark.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's A Tramp Abroad, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
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