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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/5783-8.txt b/5783-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..346a567 --- /dev/null +++ b/5783-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2120 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Tramp Abroad, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Tramp Abroad + Part 2 + +Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +Release Date: March 1994 [EBook #5783] +Posting Date: June 3, 2009 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD *** + + + + +Produced by Anonymous Volunteers, John Greenman and David Widger + + + + + + +A TRAMP ABROAD, Part 2 + +By Mark Twain + +(Samuel L. Clemens) + +First published in 1880 + +Illustrations taken from an 1880 First Edition + + * * * * * * + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS: + + + 1. PORTRAIT OF THE AUTHOR + 2. TITIAN'S MOSES + 3. THE AUTHOR'S MEMORIES + 32. FRENCH CALM + 33. THE CHALLENGE ACCEPTED + 34. A SEARCH + 35. HE SWOONED PONDEROUSLY + 36. I ROLLED HIM OVER + 37. THE ONE I HIRED + 36. THE MARCH TO THE FIELD + 39. THE POST OF DANGER + 40. THE RECONCILIATION + 41. AN OBJECT OF ADMIRATION + 42. WAGNER + 43. RAGING + 44. ROARING + 45. SHRIEKING + 46. A CUSTOMARY THING + 47. ONE OF THE "REST" + 48. A CONTRIBUTION BOX + 49. CONSPICUOUS + 50. TAIL PIECE + 51. ONLY A SHRIEK + 52. "HE ONLY CRY" + 53. LATE COMERS CARED FOR + 54. EVIDENTLY DREAMING + 55. "TURN ON MORE RAIN" + 56. HARRIS ATTENDING THE OPERA + 57. PAINTING MY GREAT PICTURE + 58. OUR START + 59. AN UNKNOWN COSTUME + 60. THE TOWER + 61. SLOW BUT SURE + 62. THE ROBBER CHIEF + 63. AN HONEST MAN + 64. THE TOWN BY NIGHT + 65. GENERATIONS OF BAREFEET + 66. OUR BEDROOM + 67. PRACTICING + 68. PAWING AROUND + 69. A NIGHT'S WORK + 70. LEAVING HEILBRONN + 71. THE CAPTAIN + 72. WAITING FOR THE TRAIN + + + +CONTENTS: + +CHAPTER VIII The Great French Duel--Mistaken Notions--Outbreak in the +French Assembly--Calmness of M Gambetta--I Volunteer as Second--Drawing +up a Will--The Challenge and its Acceptance--Difficulty in Selection +of Weapons--Deciding on Distance--M. Gambetta's Firmness--Arranging +Details--Hiring Hearses--How it was Kept from the Press--March to the +Field--The Post of Danger--The Duel--The Result--General Rejoicings--The +only One Hurt--A Firm Resolution + +CHAPTER IX At the Theatre--German Ideal--At the Opera--The +Orchestra--Howlings and Wailings--A Curious Play--One Season of +Rest--The Wedding Chorus--Germans fond of the Opera--Funerals Needed +--A Private Party--What I Overheard--A Gentle Girl--A +Contribution--box--Unpleasantly Conspicuous + +CHAPTER X Four Hours with Wagner--A Wonderful Singer, Once--" Only a +Shriek"--An Ancient Vocalist--"He Only Cry"--Emotional Germans--A +Wise Custom--Late Comers Rebuked--Heard to the Last--No Interruptions +Allowed--A Royal Audience--An Eccentric King--Real Rain and More of +It--Immense Success--"Encore! Encore!"--Magnanimity of the King + +CHAPTER XI Lessons in Art--My Great Picture of Heidelberg Castle--Its +Effect in the Exhibition--Mistaken for a Turner--A Studio--Waiting +for Orders--A Tramp Decided On--The Start for Heilbronn--Our Walking +Dress--"Pleasant march to you"--We Take the Rail--German People on +Board--Not Understood--Speak only German and English--Wimpfen--A Funny +Tower--Dinner in the Garden--Vigorous Tramping--Ride in a Peasant's +Cart--A Famous Room + +CHAPTER XII The Rathhaus--An Old Robber Knight, Gotz Von +Berlichingen--His Famous Deeds--The Square Tower--A Curious old +Church--A Gay Turn--out--A Legend--The Wives' Treasures--A Model +Waiter--A Miracle Performed--An Old Town--The Worn Stones + +CHAPTER XIII Early to Bed--Lonesome--Nervous Excitement--The Room We +Occupied--Disturbed by a Mouse--Grow Desperate--The Old Remedy--A Shoe +Thrown--Result--Hopelessly Awake--An Attempt to Dress--A Cruise in the +Dark--Crawling on the Floor--A General Smash-up--Forty-seven Miles' +Travel + +CHAPTER XIV A Famous Turn--out--Raftsmen on the Neckar--The Log +Rafts--The Neckar--A Sudden Idea--To Heidelberg on a Raft--Chartering +a Raft--Gloomy Feelings and Conversation--Delicious Journeying--View of +the Banks--Compared with Railroading + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +The Great French Duel + +[I Second Gambetta in a Terrific Duel] + + +Much as the modern French duel is ridiculed by certain smart people, it +is in reality one of the most dangerous institutions of our day. Since +it is always fought in the open air, the combatants are nearly sure +to catch cold. M. Paul de Cassagnac, the most inveterate of the French +duelists, had suffered so often in this way that he is at last a +confirmed invalid; and the best physician in Paris has expressed +the opinion that if he goes on dueling for fifteen or twenty years +more--unless he forms the habit of fighting in a comfortable room where +damps and draughts cannot intrude--he will eventually endanger his life. +This ought to moderate the talk of those people who are so stubborn +in maintaining that the French duel is the most health-giving of +recreations because of the open-air exercise it affords. And it +ought also to moderate that foolish talk about French duelists and +socialist-hated monarchs being the only people who are immoral. + +But it is time to get at my subject. As soon as I heard of the late +fiery outbreak between M. Gambetta and M. Fourtou in the French +Assembly, I knew that trouble must follow. I knew it because a long +personal friendship with M. Gambetta revealed to me the desperate and +implacable nature of the man. Vast as are his physical proportions, +I knew that the thirst for revenge would penetrate to the remotest +frontiers of his person. + +I did not wait for him to call on me, but went at once to him. As I had +expected, I found the brave fellow steeped in a profound French calm. +I say French calm, because French calmness and English calmness have +points of difference. + + + +He was moving swiftly back and forth among the debris of his furniture, +now and then staving chance fragments of it across the room with his +foot; grinding a constant grist of curses through his set teeth; and +halting every little while to deposit another handful of his hair on the +pile which he had been building of it on the table. + +He threw his arms around my neck, bent me over his stomach to his +breast, kissed me on both cheeks, hugged me four or five times, and +then placed me in his own arm-chair. As soon as I had got well again, we +began business at once. + +I said I supposed he would wish me to act as his second, and he said, +"Of course." I said I must be allowed to act under a French name, so +that I might be shielded from obloquy in my country, in case of fatal +results. He winced here, probably at the suggestion that dueling was not +regarded with respect in America. However, he agreed to my requirement. +This accounts for the fact that in all the newspaper reports M. +Gambetta's second was apparently a Frenchman. + + + +First, we drew up my principal's will. I insisted upon this, and stuck +to my point. I said I had never heard of a man in his right mind going +out to fight a duel without first making his will. He said he had never +heard of a man in his right mind doing anything of the kind. When he had +finished the will, he wished to proceed to a choice of his "last words." +He wanted to know how the following words, as a dying exclamation, +struck me: + +"I die for my God, for my country, for freedom of speech, for progress, +and the universal brotherhood of man!" + +I objected that this would require too lingering a death; it was a good +speech for a consumptive, but not suited to the exigencies of the field +of honor. We wrangled over a good many ante-mortem outbursts, but I +finally got him to cut his obituary down to this, which he copied into +his memorandum-book, purposing to get it by heart: + +"I DIE THAT FRANCE MIGHT LIVE." + +I said that this remark seemed to lack relevancy; but he said relevancy +was a matter of no consequence in last words, what you wanted was +thrill. + +The next thing in order was the choice of weapons. My principal said he +was not feeling well, and would leave that and the other details of the +proposed meeting to me. Therefore I wrote the following note and carried +it to M. Fourtou's friend: + +Sir: M. Gambetta accepts M. Fourtou's challenge, and authorizes me to +propose Plessis-Piquet as the place of meeting; tomorrow morning at +daybreak as the time; and axes as the weapons. + +I am, sir, with great respect, + +Mark Twain. + +M. Fourtou's friend read this note, and shuddered. Then he turned to me, +and said, with a suggestion of severity in his tone: + +"Have you considered, sir, what would be the inevitable result of such a +meeting as this?" + +"Well, for instance, what WOULD it be?" + +"Bloodshed!" + +"That's about the size of it," I said. "Now, if it is a fair question, +what was your side proposing to shed?" + +I had him there. He saw he had made a blunder, so he hastened to explain +it away. He said he had spoken jestingly. Then he added that he and his +principal would enjoy axes, and indeed prefer them, but such weapons +were barred by the French code, and so I must change my proposal. + +I walked the floor, turning the thing over in my mind, and finally it +occurred to me that Gatling-guns at fifteen paces would be a likely way +to get a verdict on the field of honor. So I framed this idea into a +proposition. + +But it was not accepted. The code was in the way again. I proposed +rifles; then double-barreled shotguns; then Colt's navy revolvers. These +being all rejected, I reflected awhile, and sarcastically suggested +brickbats at three-quarters of a mile. I always hate to fool away a +humorous thing on a person who has no perception of humor; and it filled +me with bitterness when this man went soberly away to submit the last +proposition to his principal. + +He came back presently and said his principal was charmed with the idea +of brickbats at three-quarters of a mile, but must decline on account of +the danger to disinterested parties passing between them. Then I said: + +"Well, I am at the end of my string, now. Perhaps YOU would be good +enough to suggest a weapon? Perhaps you have even had one in your mind +all the time?" + +His countenance brightened, and he said with alacrity: + +"Oh, without doubt, monsieur!" + + + +So he fell to hunting in his pockets--pocket after pocket, and he had +plenty of them--muttering all the while, "Now, what could I have done +with them?" + +At last he was successful. He fished out of his vest pocket a couple +of little things which I carried to the light and ascertained to be +pistols. They were single-barreled and silver-mounted, and very dainty +and pretty. I was not able to speak for emotion. I silently hung one of +them on my watch-chain, and returned the other. My companion in crime +now unrolled a postage-stamp containing several cartridges, and gave me +one of them. I asked if he meant to signify by this that our men were +to be allowed but one shot apiece. He replied that the French code +permitted no more. I then begged him to go and suggest a distance, for +my mind was growing weak and confused under the strain which had been +put upon it. He named sixty-five yards. I nearly lost my patience. I +said: + +"Sixty-five yards, with these instruments? Squirt-guns would be deadlier +at fifty. Consider, my friend, you and I are banded together to destroy +life, not make it eternal." + +But with all my persuasions, all my arguments, I was only able to +get him to reduce the distance to thirty-five yards; and even this +concession he made with reluctance, and said with a sigh, "I wash my +hands of this slaughter; on your head be it." + +There was nothing for me but to go home to my old lion-heart and tell my +humiliating story. When I entered, M. Gambetta was laying his last lock +of hair upon the altar. He sprang toward me, exclaiming: + +"You have made the fatal arrangements--I see it in your eye!" + +"I have." + +His face paled a trifle, and he leaned upon the table for support. He +breathed thick and heavily for a moment or two, so tumultuous were his +feelings; then he hoarsely whispered: + +"The weapon, the weapon! Quick! what is the weapon?" + +"This!" and I displayed that silver-mounted thing. He cast but one +glance at it, then swooned ponderously to the floor. + + + +When he came to, he said mournfully: + +"The unnatural calm to which I have subjected myself has told upon my +nerves. But away with weakness! I will confront my fate like a man and a +Frenchman." + +He rose to his feet, and assumed an attitude which for sublimity has +never been approached by man, and has seldom been surpassed by statues. +Then he said, in his deep bass tones: + +"Behold, I am calm, I am ready; reveal to me the distance." + +"Thirty-five yards." ... + + + +I could not lift him up, of course; but I rolled him over, and poured +water down his back. He presently came to, and said: + +"Thirty-five yards--without a rest? But why ask? Since murder was that +man's intention, why should he palter with small details? But mark you +one thing: in my fall the world shall see how the chivalry of France +meets death." + +After a long silence he asked: + +"Was nothing said about that man's family standing up with him, as +an offset to my bulk? But no matter; I would not stoop to make such +a suggestion; if he is not noble enough to suggest it himself, he is +welcome to this advantage, which no honorable man would take." + +He now sank into a sort of stupor of reflection, which lasted some +minutes; after which he broke silence with: + +"The hour--what is the hour fixed for the collision?" + +"Dawn, tomorrow." + +He seemed greatly surprised, and immediately said: + +"Insanity! I never heard of such a thing. Nobody is abroad at such an +hour." + +"That is the reason I named it. Do you mean to say you want an +audience?" + +"It is no time to bandy words. I am astonished that M. Fourtou should +ever have agreed to so strange an innovation. Go at once and require a +later hour." + +I ran downstairs, threw open the front door, and almost plunged into the +arms of M. Fourtou's second. He said: + +"I have the honor to say that my principal strenuously objects to the +hour chosen, and begs you will consent to change it to half past nine." + +"Any courtesy, sir, which it is in our power to extend is at the service +of your excellent principal. We agree to the proposed change of time." + +"I beg you to accept the thanks of my client." Then he turned to a +person behind him, and said, "You hear, M. Noir, the hour is altered to +half past nine." Whereupon M. Noir bowed, expressed his thanks, and went +away. My accomplice continued: + +"If agreeable to you, your chief surgeons and ours shall proceed to the +field in the same carriage as is customary." + +"It is entirely agreeable to me, and I am obliged to you for mentioning +the surgeons, for I am afraid I should not have thought of them. How +many shall I want? I supposed two or three will be enough?" + +"Two is the customary number for each party. I refer to 'chief' +surgeons; but considering the exalted positions occupied by our clients, +it will be well and decorous that each of us appoint several consulting +surgeons, from among the highest in the profession. These will come in +their own private carriages. Have you engaged a hearse?" + + + +"Bless my stupidity, I never thought of it! I will attend to it right +away. I must seem very ignorant to you; but you must try to overlook +that, because I have never had any experience of such a swell duel as +this before. I have had a good deal to do with duels on the Pacific +coast, but I see now that they were crude affairs. A hearse--sho! we +used to leave the elected lying around loose, and let anybody cord +them up and cart them off that wanted to. Have you anything further to +suggest?" + +"Nothing, except that the head undertakers shall ride together, as is +usual. The subordinates and mutes will go on foot, as is also usual. I +will see you at eight o'clock in the morning, and we will then arrange +the order of the procession. I have the honor to bid you a good day." + +I returned to my client, who said, "Very well; at what hour is the +engagement to begin?" + +"Half past nine." + +"Very good indeed. Have you sent the fact to the newspapers?" + +"SIR! If after our long and intimate friendship you can for a moment +deem me capable of so base a treachery--" + +"Tut, tut! What words are these, my dear friend? Have I wounded you? Ah, +forgive me; I am overloading you with labor. Therefore go on with the +other details, and drop this one from your list. The bloody-minded +Fourtou will be sure to attend to it. Or I myself--yes, to make certain, +I will drop a note to my journalistic friend, M. Noir--" + +"Oh, come to think of it, you may save yourself the trouble; that other +second has informed M. Noir." + +"H'm! I might have known it. It is just like that Fourtou, who always +wants to make a display." + + + +At half past nine in the morning the procession approached the field of +Plessis-Piquet in the following order: first came our carriage--nobody +in it but M. Gambetta and myself; then a carriage containing M. Fourtou +and his second; then a carriage containing two poet-orators who did not +believe in God, and these had MS. funeral orations projecting from their +breast pockets; then a carriage containing the head surgeons and their +cases of instruments; then eight private carriages containing consulting +surgeons; then a hack containing a coroner; then the two hearses; then a +carriage containing the head undertakers; then a train of assistants +and mutes on foot; and after these came plodding through the fog a long +procession of camp followers, police, and citizens generally. It was a +noble turnout, and would have made a fine display if we had had thinner +weather. + +There was no conversation. I spoke several times to my principal, but +I judge he was not aware of it, for he always referred to his note-book +and muttered absently, "I die that France might live." + +Arrived on the field, my fellow-second and I paced off the thirty-five +yards, and then drew lots for choice of position. This latter was but +an ornamental ceremony, for all the choices were alike in such weather. +These preliminaries being ended, I went to my principal and asked him +if he was ready. He spread himself out to his full width, and said in a +stern voice, "Ready! Let the batteries be charged." + +The loading process was done in the presence of duly constituted +witnesses. We considered it best to perform this delicate service with +the assistance of a lantern, on account of the state of the weather. We +now placed our men. + +At this point the police noticed that the public had massed themselves +together on the right and left of the field; they therefore begged a +delay, while they should put these poor people in a place of safety. + +The request was granted. + +The police having ordered the two multitudes to take positions behind +the duelists, we were once more ready. The weather growing still more +opaque, it was agreed between myself and the other second that before +giving the fatal signal we should each deliver a loud whoop to enable +the combatants to ascertain each other's whereabouts. + +I now returned to my principal, and was distressed to observe that he +had lost a good deal of his spirit. I tried my best to hearten him. I +said, "Indeed, sir, things are not as bad as they seem. Considering +the character of the weapons, the limited number of shots allowed, the +generous distance, the impenetrable solidity of the fog, and the added +fact that one of the combatants is one-eyed and the other cross-eyed and +near-sighted, it seems to me that this conflict need not necessarily be +fatal. There are chances that both of you may survive. Therefore, cheer +up; do not be downhearted." + +This speech had so good an effect that my principal immediately +stretched forth his hand and said, "I am myself again; give me the +weapon." + +I laid it, all lonely and forlorn, in the center of the vast solitude +of his palm. He gazed at it and shuddered. And still mournfully +contemplating it, he murmured in a broken voice: + +"Alas, it is not death I dread, but mutilation." + +I heartened him once more, and with such success that he presently +said, "Let the tragedy begin. Stand at my back; do not desert me in this +solemn hour, my friend." + +I gave him my promise. I now assisted him to point his pistol toward the +spot where I judged his adversary to be standing, and cautioned him to +listen well and further guide himself by my fellow-second's whoop. +Then I propped myself against M. Gambetta's back, and raised a rousing +"Whoop-ee!" This was answered from out the far distances of the fog, and +I immediately shouted: + +"One--two--three--FIRE!" + +Two little sounds like SPIT! SPIT! broke upon my ear, and in the same +instant I was crushed to the earth under a mountain of flesh. Bruised +as I was, I was still able to catch a faint accent from above, to this +effect: + + + +"I die for... for ... perdition take it, what IS it I die for? ... oh, +yes--FRANCE! I die that France may live!" + +The surgeons swarmed around with their probes in their hands, and +applied their microscopes to the whole area of M. Gambetta's person, +with the happy result of finding nothing in the nature of a wound. Then +a scene ensued which was in every way gratifying and inspiriting. + +The two gladiators fell upon each other's neck, with floods of proud and +happy tears; that other second embraced me; the surgeons, the +orators, the undertakers, the police, everybody embraced, everybody +congratulated, everybody cried, and the whole atmosphere was filled with +praise and with joy unspeakable. + +It seems to me then that I would rather be a hero of a French duel than +a crowned and sceptered monarch. + + + +When the commotion had somewhat subsided, the body of surgeons held a +consultation, and after a good deal of debate decided that with proper +care and nursing there was reason to believe that I would survive my +injuries. My internal hurts were deemed the most serious, since it was +apparent that a broken rib had penetrated my left lung, and that many of +my organs had been pressed out so far to one side or the other of where +they belonged, that it was doubtful if they would ever learn to perform +their functions in such remote and unaccustomed localities. They then +set my left arm in two places, pulled my right hip into its socket +again, and re-elevated my nose. I was an object of great interest, +and even admiration; and many sincere and warm-hearted persons had +themselves introduced to me, and said they were proud to know the only +man who had been hurt in a French duel in forty years. + +I was placed in an ambulance at the very head of the procession; +and thus with gratifying 'ECLAT I was marched into Paris, the most +conspicuous figure in that great spectacle, and deposited at the +hospital. + + + +The cross of the Legion of Honor has been conferred upon me. However, +few escape that distinction. + +Such is the true version of the most memorable private conflict of the +age. + +I have no complaints to make against any one. I acted for myself, and I +can stand the consequences. + +Without boasting, I think I may say I am not afraid to stand before a +modern French duelist, but as long as I keep in my right mind I will +never consent to stand behind one again. + + + +CHAPTER IX + +[What the Beautiful Maiden Said] + + +One day we took the train and went down to Mannheim to see "King Lear" +played in German. It was a mistake. We sat in our seats three whole +hours and never understood anything but the thunder and lightning; and +even that was reversed to suit German ideas, for the thunder came first +and the lightning followed after. + +The behavior of the audience was perfect. There were no rustlings, or +whisperings, or other little disturbances; each act was listened to in +silence, and the applauding was done after the curtain was down. The +doors opened at half past four, the play began promptly at half past +five, and within two minutes afterward all who were coming were in their +seats, and quiet reigned. A German gentleman in the train had said that +a Shakespearian play was an appreciated treat in Germany and that +we should find the house filled. It was true; all the six tiers were +filled, and remained so to the end--which suggested that it is not only +balcony people who like Shakespeare in Germany, but those of the pit and +gallery, too. + +Another time, we went to Mannheim and attended a shivaree--otherwise an +opera--the one called "Lohengrin." The banging and slamming and booming +and crashing were something beyond belief. The racking and pitiless pain +of it remains stored up in my memory alongside the memory of the time +that I had my teeth fixed. + + + +There were circumstances which made it necessary for me to stay through +the four hours to the end, and I stayed; but the recollection of that +long, dragging, relentless season of suffering is indestructible. To +have to endure it in silence, and sitting still, made it all the harder. +I was in a railed compartment with eight or ten strangers, of the two +sexes, and this compelled repression; yet at times the pain was so +exquisite that I could hardly keep the tears back. + + + +At those times, as the howlings and wailings and shrieking of the +singers, and the ragings and roarings and explosions of the vast +orchestra rose higher and higher, and wilder and wilder, and fiercer and +fiercer, I could have cried if I had been alone. Those strangers would +not have been surprised to see a man do such a thing who was being +gradually skinned, but they would have marveled at it here, and made +remarks about it no doubt, whereas there was nothing in the present case +which was an advantage over being skinned. + + + +There was a wait of half an hour at the end of the first act, and I +could have gone out and rested during that time, but I could not trust +myself to do it, for I felt that I should desert to stay out. There was +another wait of half an hour toward nine o'clock, but I had gone through +so much by that time that I had no spirit left, and so had no desire but +to be let alone. + + + +I do not wish to suggest that the rest of the people there were like +me, for, indeed, they were not. Whether it was that they naturally +liked that noise, or whether it was that they had learned to like it +by getting used to it, I did not at the time know; but they did like +it--this was plain enough. While it was going on they sat and looked as +rapt and grateful as cats do when one strokes their backs; and whenever +the curtain fell they rose to their feet, in one solid mighty multitude, +and the air was snowed thick with waving handkerchiefs, and hurricanes +of applause swept the place. This was not comprehensible to me. Of +course, there were many people there who were not under compulsion to +stay; yet the tiers were as full at the close as they had been at the +beginning. This showed that the people liked it. + +It was a curious sort of a play. In the manner of costumes and scenery +it was fine and showy enough; but there was not much action. That is +to say, there was not much really done, it was only talked about; and +always violently. It was what one might call a narrative play. Everybody +had a narrative and a grievance, and none were reasonable about it, but +all in an offensive and ungovernable state. There was little of that +sort of customary thing where the tenor and the soprano stand down by +the footlights, warbling, with blended voices, and keep holding out +their arms toward each other and drawing them back and spreading both +hands over first one breast and then the other with a shake and a +pressure--no, it was every rioter for himself and no blending. Each sang +his indictive narrative in turn, accompanied by the whole orchestra of +sixty instruments, and when this had continued for some time, and one +was hoping they might come to an understanding and modify the noise, a +great chorus composed entirely of maniacs would suddenly break forth, +and then during two minutes, and sometimes three, I lived over again all +that I suffered the time the orphan asylum burned down. + + + +We only had one brief little season of heaven and heaven's sweet ecstasy +and peace during all this long and diligent and acrimonious reproduction +of the other place. This was while a gorgeous procession of people +marched around and around, in the third act, and sang the Wedding +Chorus. To my untutored ear that was music--almost divine music. While +my seared soul was steeped in the healing balm of those gracious sounds, +it seemed to me that I could almost resuffer the torments which had +gone before, in order to be so healed again. There is where the deep +ingenuity of the operatic idea is betrayed. It deals so largely in pain +that its scattered delights are prodigiously augmented by the contrasts. +A pretty air in an opera is prettier there than it could be anywhere +else, I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he +would elsewhere. + +I have since found out that there is nothing the Germans like so much as +an opera. They like it, not in a mild and moderate way, but with their +whole hearts. This is a legitimate result of habit and education. Our +nation will like the opera, too, by and by, no doubt. One in fifty of +those who attend our operas likes it already, perhaps, but I think a +good many of the other forty-nine go in order to learn to like it, and +the rest in order to be able to talk knowingly about it. The latter +usually hum the airs while they are being sung, so that their neighbors +may perceive that they have been to operas before. The funerals of these +do not occur often enough. + + + +A gentle, old-maidish person and a sweet young girl of seventeen sat +right in front of us that night at the Mannheim opera. These people +talked, between the acts, and I understood them, though I understood +nothing that was uttered on the distant stage. At first they were +guarded in their talk, but after they had heard my agent and me +conversing in English they dropped their reserve and I picked up many +of their little confidences; no, I mean many of HER little +confidences--meaning the elder party--for the young girl only listened, +and gave assenting nods, but never said a word. How pretty she was, +and how sweet she was! I wished she would speak. But evidently she was +absorbed in her own thoughts, her own young-girl dreams, and found a +dearer pleasure in silence. But she was not dreaming sleepy dreams--no, +she was awake, alive, alert, she could not sit still a moment. She was +an enchanting study. Her gown was of a soft white silky stuff that clung +to her round young figure like a fish's skin, and it was rippled over +with the gracefulest little fringy films of lace; she had deep, tender +eyes, with long, curved lashes; and she had peachy cheeks, and a +dimpled chin, and such a dear little rosebud of a mouth; and she was so +dovelike, so pure, and so gracious, so sweet and so bewitching. For long +hours I did mightily wish she would speak. And at last she did; the red +lips parted, and out leaps her thought--and with such a guileless and +pretty enthusiasm, too: "Auntie, I just KNOW I've got five hundred fleas +on me!" + +That was probably over the average. Yes, it must have been very much +over the average. The average at that time in the Grand Duchy of Baden +was forty-five to a young person (when alone), according to the official +estimate of the home secretary for that year; the average for older +people was shifty and indeterminable, for whenever a wholesome young +girl came into the presence of her elders she immediately lowered their +average and raised her own. She became a sort of contribution-box. + + + +This dear young thing in the theater had been sitting there +unconsciously taking up a collection. Many a skinny old being in our +neighborhood was the happier and the restfuler for her coming. + +In that large audience, that night, there were eight very conspicuous +people. These were ladies who had their hats or bonnets on. What a +blessed thing it would be if a lady could make herself conspicuous in +our theaters by wearing her hat. + + + +It is not usual in Europe to allow ladies and gentlemen to take bonnets, +hats, overcoats, canes, or umbrellas into the auditorium, but in +Mannheim this rule was not enforced because the audiences were largely +made up of people from a distance, and among these were always a few +timid ladies who were afraid that if they had to go into an anteroom to +get their things when the play was over, they would miss their train. +But the great mass of those who came from a distance always ran the risk +and took the chances, preferring the loss of a train to a breach of good +manners and the discomfort of being unpleasantly conspicuous during a +stretch of three or four hours. + + + +CHAPTER X + +[How Wagner Operas Bang Along] + + +Three or four hours. That is a long time to sit in one place, whether +one be conspicuous or not, yet some of Wagner's operas bang along for +six whole hours on a stretch! But the people sit there and enjoy it all, +and wish it would last longer. A German lady in Munich told me that a +person could not like Wagner's music at first, but must go through the +deliberate process of learning to like it--then he would have his sure +reward; for when he had learned to like it he would hunger for it and +never be able to get enough of it. She said that six hours of Wagner was +by no means too much. She said that this composer had made a complete +revolution in music and was burying the old masters one by one. And +she said that Wagner's operas differed from all others in one notable +respect, and that was that they were not merely spotted with music here +and there, but were ALL music, from the first strain to the last. This +surprised me. I said I had attended one of his insurrections, and found +hardly ANY music in it except the Wedding Chorus. She said "Lohengrin" +was noisier than Wagner's other operas, but that if I would keep on +going to see it I would find by and by that it was all music, and +therefore would then enjoy it. I COULD have said, "But would you advise +a person to deliberately practice having a toothache in the pit of his +stomach for a couple of years in order that he might then come to enjoy +it?" But I reserved that remark. + +This lady was full of the praises of the head-tenor who had performed in +a Wagner opera the night before, and went on to enlarge upon his old and +prodigious fame, and how many honors had been lavished upon him by the +princely houses of Germany. Here was another surprise. I had attended +that very opera, in the person of my agent, and had made close and +accurate observations. So I said: + +"Why, madam, MY experience warrants me in stating that that tenor's +voice is not a voice at all, but only a shriek--the shriek of a hyena." + + + +"That is very true," she said; "he cannot sing now; it is already many +years that he has lost his voice, but in other times he sang, yes, +divinely! So whenever he comes now, you shall see, yes, that the theater +will not hold the people. JAWOHL BEI GOTT! his voice is WUNDERSCHOEN in +that past time." + +I said she was discovering to me a kindly trait in the Germans which +was worth emulating. I said that over the water we were not quite so +generous; that with us, when a singer had lost his voice and a jumper +had lost his legs, these parties ceased to draw. I said I had been to +the opera in Hanover, once, and in Mannheim once, and in Munich +(through my authorized agent) once, and this large experience had nearly +persuaded me that the Germans PREFERRED singers who couldn't sing. This +was not such a very extravagant speech, either, for that burly Mannheim +tenor's praises had been the talk of all Heidelberg for a week before +his performance took place--yet his voice was like the distressing noise +which a nail makes when you screech it across a window-pane. I said so +to Heidelberg friends the next day, and they said, in the calmest and +simplest way, that that was very true, but that in earlier times his +voice HAD been wonderfully fine. And the tenor in Hanover was just +another example of this sort. The English-speaking German gentleman who +went with me to the opera there was brimming with enthusiasm over that +tenor. He said: + +"ACH GOTT! a great man! You shall see him. He is so celebrate in all +Germany--and he has a pension, yes, from the government. He not obliged +to sing now, only twice every year; but if he not sing twice each year +they take him his pension away." + +Very well, we went. When the renowned old tenor appeared, I got a nudge +and an excited whisper: + +"Now you see him!" + +But the "celebrate" was an astonishing disappointment to me. If he +had been behind a screen I should have supposed they were performing a +surgical operation on him. I looked at my friend--to my great surprise +he seemed intoxicated with pleasure, his eyes were dancing with eager +delight. When the curtain at last fell, he burst into the stormiest +applause, and kept it up--as did the whole house--until the afflictive +tenor had come three times before the curtain to make his bow. While the +glowing enthusiast was swabbing the perspiration from his face, I said: + +"I don't mean the least harm, but really, now, do you think he can +sing?" + +"Him? NO! GOTT IM HIMMEL, ABER, how he has been able to sing twenty-five +years ago?" [Then pensively.] "ACH, no, NOW he not sing any more, he +only cry. When he think he sing, now, he not sing at all, no, he only +make like a cat which is unwell." + + + +Where and how did we get the idea that the Germans are a stolid, +phlegmatic race? In truth, they are widely removed from that. They are +warm-hearted, emotional, impulsive, enthusiastic, their tears come at +the mildest touch, and it is not hard to move them to laughter. They are +the very children of impulse. We are cold and self-contained, compared +to the Germans. They hug and kiss and cry and shout and dance and sing; +and where we use one loving, petting expression, they pour out a score. +Their language is full of endearing diminutives; nothing that they love +escapes the application of a petting diminutive--neither the house, nor +the dog, nor the horse, nor the grandmother, nor any other creature, +animate or inanimate. + +In the theaters at Hanover, Hamburg, and Mannheim, they had a wise +custom. The moment the curtain went up, the light in the body of the +house went down. The audience sat in the cool gloom of a deep twilight, +which greatly enhanced the glowing splendors of the stage. It saved gas, +too, and people were not sweated to death. + +When I saw "King Lear" played, nobody was allowed to see a scene +shifted; if there was nothing to be done but slide a forest out of the +way and expose a temple beyond, one did not see that forest split itself +in the middle and go shrieking away, with the accompanying disenchanting +spectacle of the hands and heels of the impelling impulse--no, the +curtain was always dropped for an instant--one heard not the least +movement behind it--but when it went up, the next instant, the forest +was gone. Even when the stage was being entirely reset, one heard no +noise. During the whole time that "King Lear" was playing the curtain +was never down two minutes at any one time. The orchestra played until +the curtain was ready to go up for the first time, then they departed +for the evening. Where the stage waits never reach two minutes there is +no occasion for music. I had never seen this two-minute business between +acts but once before, and that was when the "Shaughraun" was played at +Wallack's. + +I was at a concert in Munich one night, the people were streaming in, +the clock-hand pointed to seven, the music struck up, and instantly +all movement in the body of the house ceased--nobody was standing, or +walking up the aisles, or fumbling with a seat, the stream of incomers +had suddenly dried up at its source. I listened undisturbed to a piece +of music that was fifteen minutes long--always expecting some tardy +ticket-holders to come crowding past my knees, and being continuously +and pleasantly disappointed--but when the last note was struck, here +came the stream again. You see, they had made those late comers wait in +the comfortable waiting-parlor from the time the music had begun until +it was ended. + + + +It was the first time I had ever seen this sort of criminals denied the +privilege of destroying the comfort of a house full of their betters. +Some of these were pretty fine birds, but no matter, they had to tarry +outside in the long parlor under the inspection of a double rank of +liveried footmen and waiting-maids who supported the two walls with +their backs and held the wraps and traps of their masters and mistresses +on their arms. + +We had no footmen to hold our things, and it was not permissible to take +them into the concert-room; but there were some men and women to take +charge of them for us. They gave us checks for them and charged a fixed +price, payable in advance--five cents. + +In Germany they always hear one thing at an opera which has never yet +been heard in America, perhaps--I mean the closing strain of a fine solo +or duet. We always smash into it with an earthquake of applause. The +result is that we rob ourselves of the sweetest part of the treat; we +get the whiskey, but we don't get the sugar in the bottom of the glass. + +Our way of scattering applause along through an act seems to me to be +better than the Mannheim way of saving it all up till the act is ended. +I do not see how an actor can forget himself and portray hot passion +before a cold still audience. I should think he would feel foolish. It +is a pain to me to this day, to remember how that old German Lear raged +and wept and howled around the stage, with never a response from that +hushed house, never a single outburst till the act was ended. To +me there was something unspeakably uncomfortable in the solemn dead +silences that always followed this old person's tremendous outpourings +of his feelings. I could not help putting myself in his place--I thought +I knew how sick and flat he felt during those silences, because I +remembered a case which came under my observation once, and which--but I +will tell the incident: + +One evening on board a Mississippi steamboat, a boy of ten years lay +asleep in a berth--a long, slim-legged boy, he was, encased in quite +a short shirt; it was the first time he had ever made a trip on a +steamboat, and so he was troubled, and scared, and had gone to bed +with his head filled with impending snaggings, and explosions, and +conflagrations, and sudden death. About ten o'clock some twenty ladies +were sitting around about the ladies' saloon, quietly reading, sewing, +embroidering, and so on, and among them sat a sweet, benignant old dame +with round spectacles on her nose and her busy knitting-needles in her +hands. Now all of a sudden, into the midst of this peaceful scene burst +that slim-shanked boy in the brief shirt, wild-eyed, erect-haired, and +shouting, "Fire, fire! JUMP AND RUN, THE BOAT'S AFIRE AND THERE AIN'T A +MINUTE TO LOSE!" All those ladies looked sweetly up and smiled, nobody +stirred, the old lady pulled her spectacles down, looked over them, and +said, gently: + +"But you mustn't catch cold, child. Run and put on your breastpin, and +then come and tell us all about it." + +It was a cruel chill to give to a poor little devil's gushing vehemence. +He was expecting to be a sort of hero--the creator of a wild panic--and +here everybody sat and smiled a mocking smile, and an old woman made fun +of his bugbear. I turned and crept away--for I was that boy--and never +even cared to discover whether I had dreamed the fire or actually seen +it. + + + +I am told that in a German concert or opera, they hardly ever encore +a song; that though they may be dying to hear it again, their good +breeding usually preserves them against requiring the repetition. + +Kings may encore; that is quite another matter; it delights everybody to +see that the King is pleased; and as to the actor encored, his pride and +gratification are simply boundless. Still, there are circumstances in +which even a royal encore-- + +But it is better to illustrate. The King of Bavaria is a poet, and has a +poet's eccentricities--with the advantage over all other poets of being +able to gratify them, no matter what form they may take. He is fond +of opera, but not fond of sitting in the presence of an audience; +therefore, it has sometimes occurred, in Munich, that when an opera has +been concluded and the players were getting off their paint and finery, +a command has come to them to get their paint and finery on again. +Presently the King would arrive, solitary and alone, and the players +would begin at the beginning and do the entire opera over again with +only that one individual in the vast solemn theater for audience. Once +he took an odd freak into his head. High up and out of sight, over +the prodigious stage of the court theater is a maze of interlacing +water-pipes, so pierced that in case of fire, innumerable little +thread-like streams of water can be caused to descend; and in case +of need, this discharge can be augmented to a pouring flood. American +managers might want to make a note of that. The King was sole audience. +The opera proceeded, it was a piece with a storm in it; the mimic +thunder began to mutter, the mimic wind began to wail and sough, and +the mimic rain to patter. The King's interest rose higher and higher; it +developed into enthusiasm. He cried out: + +"It is very, very good, indeed! But I will have real rain! Turn on the +water!" + +The manager pleaded for a reversal of the command; said it would ruin +the costly scenery and the splendid costumes, but the King cried: + +"No matter, no matter, I will have real rain! Turn on the water!" + +So the real rain was turned on and began to descend in gossamer lances +to the mimic flower-beds and gravel walks of the stage. The richly +dressed actresses and actors tripped about singing bravely and +pretending not to mind it. The King was delighted--his enthusiasm grew +higher. He cried out: + +"Bravo, bravo! More thunder! more lightning! turn on more rain!" + + + +The thunder boomed, the lightning glared, the storm-winds raged, the +deluge poured down. The mimic royalty on the stage, with their soaked +satins clinging to their bodies, slopped about ankle-deep in water, +warbling their sweetest and best, the fiddlers under the eaves of the +stage sawed away for dear life, with the cold overflow spouting down the +backs of their necks, and the dry and happy King sat in his lofty box +and wore his gloves to ribbons applauding. + +"More yet!" cried the King; "more yet--let loose all the thunder, turn +on all the water! I will hang the man that raises an umbrella!" + +When this most tremendous and effective storm that had ever been +produced in any theater was at last over, the King's approbation was +measureless. He cried: + +"Magnificent, magnificent! ENCORE! Do it again!" + +But the manager succeeded in persuading him to recall the encore, and +said the company would feel sufficiently rewarded and complimented +in the mere fact that the encore was desired by his Majesty, without +fatiguing him with a repetition to gratify their own vanity. + +During the remainder of the act the lucky performers were those whose +parts required changes of dress; the others were a soaked, bedraggled, +and uncomfortable lot, but in the last degree picturesque. The stage +scenery was ruined, trap-doors were so swollen that they wouldn't work +for a week afterward, the fine costumes were spoiled, and no end of +minor damages were done by that remarkable storm. + +It was a royal idea--that storm--and royally carried out. But observe +the moderation of the King; he did not insist upon his encore. If he had +been a gladsome, unreflecting American opera-audience, he probably would +have had his storm repeated and repeated until he drowned all those +people. + + + +CHAPTER XI + +[I Paint a "Turner"] + + +The summer days passed pleasantly in Heidelberg. We had a skilled +trainer, and under his instructions we were getting our legs in the +right condition for the contemplated pedestrian tours; we were well +satisfied with the progress which we had made in the German language, +[1. See Appendix D for information concerning this fearful tongue.] and +more than satisfied with what we had accomplished in art. We had had the +best instructors in drawing and painting in Germany--Haemmerling, Vogel, +Mueller, Dietz, and Schumann. Haemmerling taught us landscape-painting. +Vogel taught us figure-drawing, Mueller taught us to do still-life, +and Dietz and Schumann gave us a finishing course in two +specialties--battle-pieces and shipwrecks. Whatever I am in Art I owe to +these men. I have something of the manner of each and all of them; +but they all said that I had also a manner of my own, and that it +was conspicuous. They said there was a marked individuality about my +style--insomuch that if I ever painted the commonest type of a dog, I +should be sure to throw a something into the aspect of that dog which +would keep him from being mistaken for the creation of any other artist. +Secretly I wanted to believe all these kind sayings, but I could not; I +was afraid that my masters' partiality for me, and pride in me, biased +their judgment. So I resolved to make a test. Privately, and unknown to +any one, I painted my great picture, "Heidelberg Castle Illuminated"--my +first really important work in oils--and had it hung up in the midst +of a wilderness of oil-pictures in the Art Exhibition, with no name +attached to it. To my great gratification it was instantly recognized +as mine. All the town flocked to see it, and people even came from +neighboring localities to visit it. It made more stir than any other +work in the Exhibition. But the most gratifying thing of all was, that +chance strangers, passing through, who had not heard of my picture, were +not only drawn to it, as by a lodestone, the moment they entered the +gallery, but always took it for a "Turner." + + + +Apparently nobody had ever done that. There were ruined castles on the +overhanging cliffs and crags all the way; these were said to have their +legends, like those on the Rhine, and what was better still, they had +never been in print. There was nothing in the books about that lovely +region; it had been neglected by the tourist, it was virgin soil for the +literary pioneer. + +Meantime the knapsacks, the rough walking-suits and the stout +walking-shoes which we had ordered, were finished and brought to us. +A Mr. X and a young Mr. Z had agreed to go with us. We went around one +evening and bade good-by to our friends, and afterward had a little +farewell banquet at the hotel. We got to bed early, for we wanted to +make an early start, so as to take advantage of the cool of the morning. + +We were out of bed at break of day, feeling fresh and vigorous, and took +a hearty breakfast, then plunged down through the leafy arcades of the +Castle grounds, toward the town. What a glorious summer morning it was, +and how the flowers did pour out their fragrance, and how the birds did +sing! It was just the time for a tramp through the woods and mountains. + + + +We were all dressed alike: broad slouch hats, to keep the sun off; gray +knapsacks; blue army shirts; blue overalls; leathern gaiters buttoned +tight from knee down to ankle; high-quarter coarse shoes snugly laced. +Each man had an opera-glass, a canteen, and a guide-book case slung over +his shoulder, and carried an alpenstock in one hand and a sun-umbrella +in the other. Around our hats were wound many folds of soft white +muslin, with the ends hanging and flapping down our backs--an idea +brought from the Orient and used by tourists all over Europe. Harris +carried the little watch-like machine called a "pedometer," whose +office is to keep count of a man's steps and tell how far he has walked. +Everybody stopped to admire our costumes and give us a hearty "Pleasant +march to you!" + + + +When we got downtown I found that we could go by rail to within five +miles of Heilbronn. The train was just starting, so we jumped aboard and +went tearing away in splendid spirits. It was agreed all around that we +had done wisely, because it would be just as enjoyable to walk DOWN the +Neckar as up it, and it could not be needful to walk both ways. There +were some nice German people in our compartment. I got to talking some +pretty private matters presently, and Harris became nervous; so he +nudged me and said: + +"Speak in German--these Germans may understand English." + +I did so, it was well I did; for it turned out that there was not a +German in that party who did not understand English perfectly. It is +curious how widespread our language is in Germany. After a while some of +those folks got out and a German gentleman and his two young daughters +got in. I spoke in German of one of the latter several times, but +without result. Finally she said: + +"ICH VERSTEHE NUR DEUTCH UND ENGLISHE,"--or words to that effect. That +is, "I don't understand any language but German and English." + +And sure enough, not only she but her father and sister spoke English. +So after that we had all the talk we wanted; and we wanted a good deal, +for they were agreeable people. They were greatly interested in our +customs; especially the alpenstocks, for they had not seen any before. +They said that the Neckar road was perfectly level, so we must be going +to Switzerland or some other rugged country; and asked us if we did not +find the walking pretty fatiguing in such warm weather. But we said no. + +We reached Wimpfen--I think it was Wimpfen--in about three hours, and +got out, not the least tired; found a good hotel and ordered beer and +dinner--then took a stroll through the venerable old village. It was +very picturesque and tumble-down, and dirty and interesting. It had +queer houses five hundred years old in it, and a military tower 115 feet +high, which had stood there more than ten centuries. I made a little +sketch of it. I kept a copy, but gave the original to the Burgomaster. + + + +I think the original was better than the copy, because it had more +windows in it and the grass stood up better and had a brisker look. +There was none around the tower, though; I composed the grass myself, +from studies I made in a field by Heidelberg in Haemmerling's time. The +man on top, looking at the view, is apparently too large, but I found +he could not be made smaller, conveniently. I wanted him there, and I +wanted him visible, so I thought out a way to manage it; I composed the +picture from two points of view; the spectator is to observe the man +from bout where that flag is, and he must observe the tower itself from +the ground. This harmonizes the seeming discrepancy. [Figure 2] + +Near an old cathedral, under a shed, were three crosses of stone--moldy +and damaged things, bearing life-size stone figures. The two thieves +were dressed in the fanciful court costumes of the middle of the +sixteenth century, while the Saviour was nude, with the exception of a +cloth around the loins. + +We had dinner under the green trees in a garden belonging to the hotel +and overlooking the Neckar; then, after a smoke, we went to bed. We had +a refreshing nap, then got up about three in the afternoon and put +on our panoply. As we tramped gaily out at the gate of the town, we +overtook a peasant's cart, partly laden with odds and ends of cabbages +and similar vegetable rubbish, and drawn by a small cow and a smaller +donkey yoked together. It was a pretty slow concern, but it got us into +Heilbronn before dark--five miles, or possibly it was seven. + + + +We stopped at the very same inn which the famous old robber-knight +and rough fighter Goetz von Berlichingen, abode in after he got out of +captivity in the Square Tower of Heilbronn between three hundred and +fifty and four hundred years ago. Harris and I occupied the same room +which he had occupied and the same paper had not quite peeled off the +walls yet. The furniture was quaint old carved stuff, full four hundred +years old, and some of the smells were over a thousand. There was a hook +in the wall, which the landlord said the terrific old Goetz used to hang +his iron hand on when he took it off to go to bed. This room was very +large--it might be called immense--and it was on the first floor; which +means it was in the second story, for in Europe the houses are so +high that they do not count the first story, else they would get tired +climbing before they got to the top. The wallpaper was a fiery red, with +huge gold figures in it, well smirched by time, and it covered all the +doors. These doors fitted so snugly and continued the figures of the +paper so unbrokenly, that when they were closed one had to go feeling +and searching along the wall to find them. There was a stove in the +corner--one of those tall, square, stately white porcelain things that +looks like a monument and keeps you thinking of death when you ought to +be enjoying your travels. The windows looked out on a little alley, and +over that into a stable and some poultry and pig yards in the rear of +some tenement-houses. There were the customary two beds in the room, +one in one end, the other in the other, about an old-fashioned +brass-mounted, single-barreled pistol-shot apart. They were fully +as narrow as the usual German bed, too, and had the German bed's +ineradicable habit of spilling the blankets on the floor every time you +forgot yourself and went to sleep. + +A round table as large as King Arthur's stood in the center of the room; +while the waiters were getting ready to serve our dinner on it we +all went out to see the renowned clock on the front of the municipal +buildings. + + + +CHAPTER XII + +[What the Wives Saved] + + +The RATHHAUS, or municipal building, is of the quaintest and most +picturesque Middle-Age architecture. It has a massive portico and steps, +before it, heavily balustraded, and adorned with life-sized rusty iron +knights in complete armor. The clock-face on the front of the building +is very large and of curious pattern. Ordinarily, a gilded angel +strikes the hour on a big bell with a hammer; as the striking ceases, a +life-sized figure of Time raises its hour-glass and turns it; two golden +rams advance and butt each other; a gilded cock lifts its wings; but the +main features are two great angels, who stand on each side of the dial +with long horns at their lips; it was said that they blew melodious +blasts on these horns every hour--but they did not do it for us. We were +told, later, that they blew only at night, when the town was still. + +Within the RATHHAUS were a number of huge wild boars' heads, preserved, +and mounted on brackets along the wall; they bore inscriptions telling +who killed them and how many hundred years ago it was done. One room in +the building was devoted to the preservation of ancient archives. There +they showed us no end of aged documents; some were signed by Popes, +some by Tilly and other great generals, and one was a letter written and +subscribed by Goetz von Berlichingen in Heilbronn in 1519 just after his +release from the Square Tower. + + + +This fine old robber-knight was a devoutly and sincerely religious +man, hospitable, charitable to the poor, fearless in fight, active, +enterprising, and possessed of a large and generous nature. He had in +him a quality of being able to overlook moderate injuries, and being +able to forgive and forget mortal ones as soon as he had soundly +trounced the authors of them. He was prompt to take up any poor devil's +quarrel and risk his neck to right him. The common folk held him dear, +and his memory is still green in ballad and tradition. He used to go on +the highway and rob rich wayfarers; and other times he would swoop down +from his high castle on the hills of the Neckar and capture passing +cargoes of merchandise. In his memoirs he piously thanks the Giver of +all Good for remembering him in his needs and delivering sundry such +cargoes into his hands at times when only special providences could have +relieved him. He was a doughty warrior and found a deep joy in battle. +In an assault upon a stronghold in Bavaria when he was only twenty-three +years old, his right hand was shot away, but he was so interested in the +fight that he did not observe it for a while. He said that the iron hand +which was made for him afterward, and which he wore for more than half a +century, was nearly as clever a member as the fleshy one had been. I was +glad to get a facsimile of the letter written by this fine old German +Robin Hood, though I was not able to read it. He was a better artist +with his sword than with his pen. + +We went down by the river and saw the Square Tower. It was a very +venerable structure, very strong, and very ornamental. There was no +opening near the ground. They had to use a ladder to get into it, no +doubt. + +We visited the principal church, also--a curious old structure, with a +towerlike spire adorned with all sorts of grotesque images. The inner +walls of the church were placarded with large mural tablets of copper, +bearing engraved inscriptions celebrating the merits of old Heilbronn +worthies of two or three centuries ago, and also bearing rudely painted +effigies of themselves and their families tricked out in the queer +costumes of those days. The head of the family sat in the foreground, +and beyond him extended a sharply receding and diminishing row of +sons; facing him sat his wife, and beyond her extended a low row of +diminishing daughters. The family was usually large, but the perspective +bad. + +Then we hired the hack and the horse which Goetz von Berlichingen used +to use, and drove several miles into the country to visit the place +called WEIBERTREU--Wife's Fidelity I suppose it means. It was a feudal +castle of the Middle Ages. When we reached its neighborhood we found +it was beautifully situated, but on top of a mound, or hill, round and +tolerably steep, and about two hundred feet high. Therefore, as the sun +was blazing hot, we did not climb up there, but took the place on trust, +and observed it from a distance while the horse leaned up against a +fence and rested. The place has no interest except that which is lent it +by its legend, which is a very pretty one--to this effect: + +THE LEGEND + +In the Middle Ages, a couple of young dukes, brothers, took opposite +sides in one of the wars, the one fighting for the Emperor, the other +against him. One of them owned the castle and village on top of the +mound which I have been speaking of, and in his absence his brother +came with his knights and soldiers and began a siege. It was a long and +tedious business, for the people made a stubborn and faithful defense. +But at last their supplies ran out and starvation began its work; +more fell by hunger than by the missiles of the enemy. They by and +by surrendered, and begged for charitable terms. But the beleaguering +prince was so incensed against them for their long resistance that he +said he would spare none but the women and children--all men should be +put to the sword without exception, and all their goods destroyed. Then +the women came and fell on their knees and begged for the lives of their +husbands. + +"No," said the prince, "not a man of them shall escape alive; you +yourselves shall go with your children into houseless and friendless +banishment; but that you may not starve I grant you this one grace, +that each woman may bear with her from this place as much of her most +valuable property as she is able to carry." + +Very well, presently the gates swung open and out filed those women +carrying their HUSBANDS on their shoulders. The besiegers, furious at +the trick, rushed forward to slaughter the men, but the Duke stepped +between and said: + +"No, put up your swords--a prince's word is inviolable." + +When we got back to the hotel, King Arthur's Round Table was ready for +us in its white drapery, and the head waiter and his first assistant, in +swallow-tails and white cravats, brought in the soup and the hot plates +at once. + +Mr. X had ordered the dinner, and when the wine came on, he picked up +a bottle, glanced at the label, and then turned to the grave, the +melancholy, the sepulchral head waiter and said it was not the sort of +wine he had asked for. The head waiter picked up the bottle, cast his +undertaker-eye on it and said: + +"It is true; I beg pardon." Then he turned on his subordinate and calmly +said, "Bring another label." + + + +At the same time he slid the present label off with his hand and laid it +aside; it had been newly put on, its paste was still wet. When the new +label came, he put it on; our French wine being now turned into German +wine, according to desire, the head waiter went blandly about his other +duties, as if the working of this sort of miracle was a common and easy +thing to him. + +Mr. X said he had not known, before, that there were people honest +enough to do this miracle in public, but he was aware that thousands +upon thousands of labels were imported into America from Europe every +year, to enable dealers to furnish to their customers in a quiet and +inexpensive way all the different kinds of foreign wines they might +require. + +We took a turn around the town, after dinner, and found it fully as +interesting in the moonlight as it had been in the daytime. The streets +were narrow and roughly paved, and there was not a sidewalk or a +street-lamp anywhere. The dwellings were centuries old, and vast enough +for hotels. They widened all the way up; the stories projected further +and further forward and aside as they ascended, and the long rows +of lighted windows, filled with little bits of panes, curtained with +figured white muslin and adorned outside with boxes of flowers, made a +pretty effect. + + + +The moon was bright, and the light and shadow very strong; and nothing +could be more picturesque than those curving streets, with their rows +of huge high gables leaning far over toward each other in a friendly +gossiping way, and the crowds below drifting through the alternating +blots of gloom and mellow bars of moonlight. Nearly everybody was +abroad, chatting, singing, romping, or massed in lazy comfortable +attitudes in the doorways. + +In one place there was a public building which was fenced about with a +thick, rusty chain, which sagged from post to post in a succession of +low swings. The pavement, here, was made of heavy blocks of stone. In +the glare of the moon a party of barefooted children were swinging on +those chains and having a noisy good time. They were not the first ones +who have done that; even their great-great-grandfathers had not been the +first to do it when they were children. The strokes of the bare feet +had worn grooves inches deep in the stone flags; it had taken many +generations of swinging children to accomplish that. + + + +Everywhere in the town were the mold and decay that go with antiquity, +and evidence of it; but I do not know that anything else gave us so +vivid a sense of the old age of Heilbronn as those footworn grooves in +the paving-stones. + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +[My Long Crawl in the Dark] + + +When we got back to the hotel I wound and set the pedometer and put +it in my pocket, for I was to carry it next day and keep record of the +miles we made. The work which we had given the instrument to do during +the day which had just closed had not fatigued it perceptibly. + +We were in bed by ten, for we wanted to be up and away on our tramp +homeward with the dawn. I hung fire, but Harris went to sleep at once. +I hate a man who goes to sleep at once; there is a sort of indefinable +something about it which is not exactly an insult, and yet is an +insolence; and one which is hard to bear, too. I lay there fretting +over this injury, and trying to go to sleep; but the harder I tried, the +wider awake I grew. I got to feeling very lonely in the dark, with no +company but an undigested dinner. My mind got a start by and by, and +began to consider the beginning of every subject which has ever been +thought of; but it never went further than the beginning; it was touch +and go; it fled from topic to topic with a frantic speed. At the end of +an hour my head was in a perfect whirl and I was dead tired, fagged out. + +The fatigue was so great that it presently began to make some head +against the nervous excitement; while imagining myself wide awake, I +would really doze into momentary unconsciousness, and come suddenly out +of it with a physical jerk which nearly wrenched my joints apart--the +delusion of the instant being that I was tumbling backward over a +precipice. After I had fallen over eight or nine precipices and thus +found out that one half of my brain had been asleep eight or nine times +without the wide-awake, hard-working other half suspecting it, the +periodical unconsciousnesses began to extend their spell gradually over +more of my brain-territory, and at last I sank into a drowse which grew +deeper and deeper and was doubtless just on the very point of being a +solid, blessed dreamless stupor, when--what was that? + +My dulled faculties dragged themselves partly back to life and took a +receptive attitude. Now out of an immense, a limitless distance, came +a something which grew and grew, and approached, and presently was +recognizable as a sound--it had rather seemed to be a feeling, before. +This sound was a mile away, now--perhaps it was the murmur of a storm; +and now it was nearer--not a quarter of a mile away; was it the muffled +rasping and grinding of distant machinery? No, it came still nearer; was +it the measured tramp of a marching troop? But it came nearer still, +and still nearer--and at last it was right in the room: it was merely +a mouse gnawing the woodwork. So I had held my breath all that time for +such a trifle. + + + +Well, what was done could not be helped; I would go to sleep at once and +make up the lost time. That was a thoughtless thought. Without intending +it--hardly knowing it--I fell to listening intently to that sound, and +even unconsciously counting the strokes of the mouse's nutmeg-grater. +Presently I was deriving exquisite suffering from this employment, yet +maybe I could have endured it if the mouse had attended steadily to +his work; but he did not do that; he stopped every now and then, and I +suffered more while waiting and listening for him to begin again than +I did while he was gnawing. Along at first I was mentally offering a +reward of five--six--seven--ten--dollars for that mouse; but toward +the last I was offering rewards which were entirely beyond my means. I +close-reefed my ears--that is to say, I bent the flaps of them down +and furled them into five or six folds, and pressed them against the +hearing-orifice--but it did no good: the faculty was so sharpened +by nervous excitement that it was become a microphone and could hear +through the overlays without trouble. + +My anger grew to a frenzy. I finally did what all persons before me have +done, clear back to Adam,--resolved to throw something. I reached down +and got my walking-shoes, then sat up in bed and listened, in order to +exactly locate the noise. But I couldn't do it; it was as unlocatable as +a cricket's noise; and where one thinks that that is, is always the very +place where it isn't. So I presently hurled a shoe at random, and with +a vicious vigor. It struck the wall over Harris's head and fell down on +him; I had not imagined I could throw so far. It woke Harris, and I was +glad of it until I found he was not angry; then I was sorry. He soon +went to sleep again, which pleased me; but straightway the mouse began +again, which roused my temper once more. I did not want to wake Harris +a second time, but the gnawing continued until I was compelled to throw +the other shoe. + + + +This time I broke a mirror--there were two in the room--I got the +largest one, of course. Harris woke again, but did not complain, and +I was sorrier than ever. I resolved that I would suffer all possible +torture before I would disturb him a third time. + +The mouse eventually retired, and by and by I was sinking to sleep, when +a clock began to strike; I counted till it was done, and was about to +drowse again when another clock began; I counted; then the two great +RATHHAUS clock angels began to send forth soft, rich, melodious blasts +from their long trumpets. I had never heard anything that was so lovely, +or weird, or mysterious--but when they got to blowing the quarter-hours, +they seemed to me to be overdoing the thing. Every time I dropped +off for the moment, a new noise woke me. Each time I woke I missed my +coverlet, and had to reach down to the floor and get it again. + +At last all sleepiness forsook me. I recognized the fact that I was +hopelessly and permanently wide awake. Wide awake, and feverish and +thirsty. When I had lain tossing there as long as I could endure it, it +occurred to me that it would be a good idea to dress and go out in the +great square and take a refreshing wash in the fountain, and smoke and +reflect there until the remnant of the night was gone. + +I believed I could dress in the dark without waking Harris. I had +banished my shoes after the mouse, but my slippers would do for a summer +night. So I rose softly, and gradually got on everything--down to one +sock. I couldn't seem to get on the track of that sock, any way I could +fix it. But I had to have it; so I went down on my hands and knees, with +one slipper on and the other in my hand, and began to paw gently around +and rake the floor, but with no success. I enlarged my circle, and went +on pawing and raking. With every pressure of my knee, how the floor +creaked! and every time I chanced to rake against any article, it seemed +to give out thirty-five or thirty-six times more noise than it would +have done in the daytime. In those cases I always stopped and held +my breath till I was sure Harris had not awakened--then I crept along +again. I moved on and on, but I could not find the sock; I could not +seem to find anything but furniture. I could not remember that there was +much furniture in the room when I went to bed, but the place was alive +with it now --especially chairs--chairs everywhere--had a couple of +families moved in, in the mean time? And I never could seem to GLANCE on +one of those chairs, but always struck it full and square with my head. +My temper rose, by steady and sure degrees, and as I pawed on and on, I +fell to making vicious comments under my breath. + + + +Finally, with a venomous access of irritation, I said I would leave +without the sock; so I rose up and made straight for the door--as I +supposed--and suddenly confronted my dim spectral image in the unbroken +mirror. It startled the breath out of me, for an instant; it also showed +me that I was lost, and had no sort of idea where I was. When I realized +this, I was so angry that I had to sit down on the floor and take hold +of something to keep from lifting the roof off with an explosion of +opinion. If there had been only one mirror, it might possibly have +helped to locate me; but there were two, and two were as bad as a +thousand; besides, these were on opposite sides of the room. I could see +the dim blur of the windows, but in my turned-around condition they were +exactly where they ought not to be, and so they only confused me instead +of helping me. + +I started to get up, and knocked down an umbrella; it made a noise +like a pistol-shot when it struck that hard, slick, carpetless floor; +I grated my teeth and held my breath--Harris did not stir. I set the +umbrella slowly and carefully on end against the wall, but as soon as +I took my hand away, its heel slipped from under it, and down it came +again with another bang. I shrunk together and listened a moment in +silent fury--no harm done, everything quiet. With the most painstaking +care and nicety, I stood the umbrella up once more, took my hand away, +and down it came again. + +I have been strictly reared, but if it had not been so dark and solemn +and awful there in that lonely, vast room, I do believe I should have +said something then which could not be put into a Sunday-school book +without injuring the sale of it. If my reasoning powers had not been +already sapped dry by my harassments, I would have known better than to +try to set an umbrella on end on one of those glassy German floors in +the dark; it can't be done in the daytime without four failures to one +success. I had one comfort, though--Harris was yet still and silent--he +had not stirred. + +The umbrella could not locate me--there were four standing around the +room, and all alike. I thought I would feel along the wall and find the +door in that way. I rose up and began this operation, but raked down +a picture. It was not a large one, but it made noise enough for a +panorama. Harris gave out no sound, but I felt that if I experimented +any further with the pictures I should be sure to wake him. Better give +up trying to get out. Yes, I would find King Arthur's Round Table once +more--I had already found it several times--and use it for a base of +departure on an exploring tour for my bed; if I could find my bed I +could then find my water pitcher; I would quench my raging thirst and +turn in. So I started on my hands and knees, because I could go faster +that way, and with more confidence, too, and not knock down things. By +and by I found the table--with my head--rubbed the bruise a little, then +rose up and started, with hands abroad and fingers spread, to balance +myself. I found a chair; then a wall; then another chair; then a sofa; +then an alpenstock, then another sofa; this confounded me, for I had +thought there was only one sofa. I hunted up the table again and took a +fresh start; found some more chairs. + +It occurred to me, now, as it ought to have done before, that as the +table was round, it was therefore of no value as a base to aim from; so +I moved off once more, and at random among the wilderness of chairs and +sofas--wandering off into unfamiliar regions, and presently knocked a +candlestick and knocked off a lamp, grabbed at the lamp and knocked +off a water pitcher with a rattling crash, and thought to myself, +"I've found you at last--I judged I was close upon you." Harris shouted +"murder," and "thieves," and finished with "I'm absolutely drowned." + +The crash had roused the house. Mr. X pranced in, in his long +night-garment, with a candle, young Z after him with another candle; a +procession swept in at another door, with candles and lanterns--landlord +and two German guests in their nightgowns and a chambermaid in hers. + +I looked around; I was at Harris's bed, a Sabbath-day's journey from my +own. There was only one sofa; it was against the wall; there was only +one chair where a body could get at it--I had been revolving around it +like a planet, and colliding with it like a comet half the night. + + + +I explained how I had been employing myself, and why. Then the +landlord's party left, and the rest of us set about our preparations for +breakfast, for the dawn was ready to break. I glanced furtively at my +pedometer, and found I had made 47 miles. But I did not care, for I had +come out for a pedestrian tour anyway. + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +[Rafting Down the Neckar] + + +When the landlord learned that I and my agents were artists, our party +rose perceptibly in his esteem; we rose still higher when he learned +that we were making a pedestrian tour of Europe. + +He told us all about the Heidelberg road, and which were the best places +to avoid and which the best ones to tarry at; he charged me less than +cost for the things I broke in the night; he put up a fine luncheon +for us and added to it a quantity of great light-green plums, the +pleasantest fruit in Germany; he was so anxious to do us honor that he +would not allow us to walk out of Heilbronn, but called up Goetz von +Berlichingen's horse and cab and made us ride. + +I made a sketch of the turnout. It is not a Work, it is only what +artists call a "study"--a thing to make a finished picture from. This +sketch has several blemishes in it; for instance, the wagon is not +traveling as fast as the horse is. This is wrong. Again, the person +trying to get out of the way is too small; he is out of perspective, +as we say. The two upper lines are not the horse's back, they are the +reigns; there seems to be a wheel missing--this would be corrected in a +finished Work, of course. This thing flying out behind is not a flag, +it is a curtain. That other thing up there is the sun, but I didn't get +enough distance on it. I do not remember, now, what that thing is that +is in front of the man who is running, but I think it is a haystack or a +woman. This study was exhibited in the Paris Salon of 1879, but did not +take any medal; they do not give medals for studies. + + + +We discharged the carriage at the bridge. The river was full of +logs--long, slender, barkless pine logs--and we leaned on the rails +of the bridge, and watched the men put them together into rafts. These +rafts were of a shape and construction to suit the crookedness and +extreme narrowness of the Neckar. They were from fifty to one hundred +yards long, and they gradually tapered from a nine-log breadth at their +sterns, to a three-log breadth at their bow-ends. The main part of the +steering is done at the bow, with a pole; the three-log breadth there +furnishes room for only the steersman, for these little logs are not +larger around than an average young lady's waist. The connections of the +several sections of the raft are slack and pliant, so that the raft +may be readily bent into any sort of curve required by the shape of the +river. + +The Neckar is in many places so narrow that a person can throw a dog +across it, if he has one; when it is also sharply curved in such places, +the raftsman has to do some pretty nice snug piloting to make the turns. +The river is not always allowed to spread over its whole bed--which is +as much as thirty, and sometimes forty yards wide--but is split into +three equal bodies of water, by stone dikes which throw the main +volume, depth, and current into the central one. In low water these neat +narrow-edged dikes project four or five inches above the surface, like +the comb of a submerged roof, but in high water they are overflowed. A +hatful of rain makes high water in the Neckar, and a basketful produces +an overflow. + +There are dikes abreast the Schloss Hotel, and the current is violently +swift at that point. I used to sit for hours in my glass cage, watching +the long, narrow rafts slip along through the central channel, grazing +the right-bank dike and aiming carefully for the middle arch of the +stone bridge below; I watched them in this way, and lost all this time +hoping to see one of them hit the bridge-pier and wreck itself sometime +or other, but was always disappointed. One was smashed there one +morning, but I had just stepped into my room a moment to light a pipe, +so I lost it. + +While I was looking down upon the rafts that morning in Heilbronn, the +daredevil spirit of adventure came suddenly upon me, and I said to my +comrades: + +"I am going to Heidelberg on a raft. Will you venture with me?" + +Their faces paled a little, but they assented with as good a grace as +they could. Harris wanted to cable his mother--thought it his duty to +do that, as he was all she had in this world--so, while he attended to +this, I went down to the longest and finest raft and hailed the captain +with a hearty "Ahoy, shipmate!" which put us upon pleasant terms at +once, and we entered upon business. I said we were on a pedestrian tour +to Heidelberg, and would like to take passage with him. I said this +partly through young Z, who spoke German very well, and partly through +Mr. X, who spoke it peculiarly. I can UNDERSTAND German as well as the +maniac that invented it, but I TALK it best through an interpreter. + +The captain hitched up his trousers, then shifted his quid thoughtfully. +Presently he said just what I was expecting he would say--that he had no +license to carry passengers, and therefore was afraid the law would be +after him in case the matter got noised about or any accident happened. +So I CHARTERED the raft and the crew and took all the responsibilities +on myself. + + + +With a rattling song the starboard watch bent to their work and hove +the cable short, then got the anchor home, and our bark moved off with a +stately stride, and soon was bowling along at about two knots an hour. + +Our party were grouped amidships. At first the talk was a little gloomy, +and ran mainly upon the shortness of life, the uncertainty of it, the +perils which beset it, and the need and wisdom of being always prepared +for the worst; this shaded off into low-voiced references to the dangers +of the deep, and kindred matters; but as the gray east began to redden +and the mysterious solemnity and silence of the dawn to give place +to the joy-songs of the birds, the talk took a cheerier tone, and our +spirits began to rise steadily. + +Germany, in the summer, is the perfection of the beautiful, but nobody +has understood, and realized, and enjoyed the utmost possibilities of +this soft and peaceful beauty unless he has voyaged down the Neckar on +a raft. The motion of a raft is the needful motion; it is gentle, +and gliding, and smooth, and noiseless; it calms down all feverish +activities, it soothes to sleep all nervous hurry and impatience; under +its restful influence all the troubles and vexations and sorrows that +harass the mind vanish away, and existence becomes a dream, a charm, +a deep and tranquil ecstasy. How it contrasts with hot and perspiring +pedestrianism, and dusty and deafening railroad rush, and tedious +jolting behind tired horses over blinding white roads! + +We went slipping silently along, between the green and fragrant banks, +with a sense of pleasure and contentment that grew, and grew, all the +time. Sometimes the banks were overhung with thick masses of willows +that wholly hid the ground behind; sometimes we had noble hills on one +hand, clothed densely with foliage to their tops, and on the other hand +open levels blazing with poppies, or clothed in the rich blue of +the corn-flower; sometimes we drifted in the shadow of forests, and +sometimes along the margin of long stretches of velvety grass, fresh and +green and bright, a tireless charm to the eye. And the birds!--they were +everywhere; they swept back and forth across the river constantly, and +their jubilant music was never stilled. + +It was a deep and satisfying pleasure to see the sun create the new +morning, and gradually, patiently, lovingly, clothe it on with splendor +after splendor, and glory after glory, till the miracle was complete. +How different is this marvel observed from a raft, from what it is when +one observes it through the dingy windows of a railway-station in some +wretched village while he munches a petrified sandwich and waits for the +train. + + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's A Tramp Abroad, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD *** + +***** This file should be named 5783-8.txt or 5783-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/5/7/8/5783/ + +Produced by Anonymous Volunteers, John Greenman and David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Tramp Abroad + Part 2 + +Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +Release Date: June 2004 [EBook #5783] +Posting: June 2, 2009 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD *** + + + + +Produced by Anonymous Volunteers, John Greenman and David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + + +<h2>A TRAMP ABROAD, Part 2</h2> + +<center> +<table summary="" cellPadding=4 border=3> +<tr><td> + + <a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/5782/5782-h/5782-h.htm">Previous Part</a> +</td><td> + <a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/5784/5784-h/5784-h.htm">Next Part</a> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + + +<br><br><br><br> + + +<center><a name="cover"></a><img alt="cover.jpg (229K)" src="images/cover.jpg" height="745" width="652"> +</center> + + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="Portrait"></a><img alt="Portrait.jpg (45K)" src="images/Portrait.jpg" height="1051" width="605"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + + + +<center><a name="Moses"></a><img alt="Moses.jpg (86K)" src="images/Moses.jpg" height="949" width="565"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + + + +<center><a name="Titlepage"></a><img alt="Titlepage.jpg (41K)" src="images/Titlepage.jpg" height="1029" width="645"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + + <center> <h1>A TRAMP ABROAD, Part 2</h1> + + <h2>By Mark Twain</h2> + <h3>(Samuel L. Clemens)</h3> + + <h3>First published in 1880</h3> + + <h3>Illustrations taken from an 1880 First Edition</h3> + + * * * * * * +</center> + +<br><br><br><br> +<h2>ILLUSTRATIONS:</h2> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + + +<br> +1. <a href="#Portrait">PORTRAIT OF THE AUTHOR</a><br> +2. <a href="#Moses">TITIAN'S MOSES</a><br> +3. <a href="#p016">THE AUTHOR'S MEMORIES</a><br> +32. <a href="#p070">FRENCH CALM</a> <br> +33. <a href="#p071">THE CHALLENGE ACCEPTED</a> <br> +34. <a href="#p072">A SEARCH</a><br> +35. <a href="#p073">HE SWOONED PONDEROUSLY</a> <br> +36. <a href="#p074">I ROLLED HIM OVER</a> <br> +37. <a href="#p075">THE ONE I HIRED</a> <br> +36. <a href="#p077">THE MARCH TO THE FIELD</a> <br> +39. <a href="#p080">THE POST OF DANGER</a> <br> +40. <a href="#p081">THE RECONCILIATION</a> <br> +41. <a href="#p082">AN OBJECT OF ADMIRATION</a> <br> +42. <a href="#p084a">WAGNER</a> <br> +43. <a href="#p084b">RAGING</a> <br> +44. <a href="#p085a">ROARING</a> <br> +45. <a href="#p085b">SHRIEKING</a> <br> +46. <a href="#p086">A CUSTOMARY THING</a> <br> +47. <a href="#p087">ONE OF THE "REST"</a> <br> +48. <a href="#p088">A CONTRIBUTION BOX</a> <br> +49. <a href="#p089">CONSPICUOUS</a> <br> +50. <a href="#p089b">TAIL PIECE</a><br> +51. <a href="#p091">ONLY A SHRIEK</a> <br> +52. <a href="#p092">"HE ONLY CRY"</a> <br> +53. <a href="#p094">LATE COMERS CARED FOR</a> <br> +54. <a href="#p096">EVIDENTLY DREAMING</a> <br> +55. <a href="#p098">"TURN ON MORE RAIN"</a> <br> +56. <a href="#p099">HARRIS ATTENDING THE OPERA</a> <br> +57. <a href="#p101">PAINTING MY GREAT PICTURE</a><br> +58. <a href="#p103">OUR START</a> <br> +59. <a href="#p104">AN UNKNOWN COSTUME</a> <br> +60. <a href="#p105a">THE TOWER</a> <br> +61. <a href="#p105b">SLOW BUT SURE</a> <br> +62. <a href="#p109">THE ROBBER CHIEF</a> <br> +63. <a href="#p111">AN HONEST MAN</a> <br> +64. <a href="#p112">THE TOWN BY NIGHT</a> <br> +65. <a href="#p113">GENERATIONS OF BAREFEET</a> <br> +66. <a href="#p115">OUR BEDROOM</a> <br> +67. <a href="#p117">PRACTICING</a> <br> +68. <a href="#p118">PAWING AROUND</a><br> +69. <a href="#p121">A NIGHT'S WORK</a> <br> +70. <a href="#p123">LEAVING HEILBRONN</a> <br> +71. <a href="#p125">THE CAPTAIN</a> <br> +72. <a href="#p127">WAITING FOR THE TRAIN</a> <br> +<br> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + + +<br><br> +<br><br> + +<h2>CONTENTS:</h2> + +<blockquote><blockquote><blockquote><blockquote> +<a href="#ch8">CHAPTER VIII</a> +<br> +The Great French Duel—Mistaken Notions—Outbreak in the French +Assembly—Calmness of M Gambetta—I Volunteer as +Second—Drawing up a Will—The Challenge and its Acceptance—Difficulty +in Selection of Weapons—Deciding on Distance—M. Gambetta's +Firmness—Arranging Details—Hiring Hearses—How it was Kept +from the Press—March to the Field—The Post of Danger—The +Duel—The Result—General Rejoicings—The only One +Hurt—A Firm Resolution +<br><br> +<a href="#ch9">CHAPTER IX</a> +<br> +At the Theatre—German Ideal—At the Opera—The +Orchestra—Howlings and Wailings—A Curious Play—One Season of Rest—The +Wedding Chorus—Germans fond of the Opera—Funerals +Needed —A Private Party—What I Overheard—A Gentle +Girl—A Contribution—box—Unpleasantly Conspicuous +<br><br> +<a href="#ch10">CHAPTER X</a> +<br> +Four Hours with Wagner—A Wonderful Singer, Once—" Only a +Shriek"—An Ancient Vocalist—"He Only Cry"—Emotional +Germans—A Wise Custom—Late Comers Rebuked—Heard to the +Last—No Interruptions Allowed—A Royal Audience—An Eccentric +King—Real Rain and More of It—Immense Success—"Encore! +Encore!"—Magnanimity of the King +<br><br> +<a href="#ch11">CHAPTER XI</a> +<br> +Lessons in Art—My Great Picture of Heidelberg Castle—Its Effect in the +Exhibition—Mistaken for a Turner—A Studio—Waiting for +Orders—A Tramp Decided On—The Start for Heilbronn—Our Walking +Dress—"Pleasant march to you"—We Take the Rail—German +People on Board—Not Understood—Speak only German and +English—Wimpfen—A Funny Tower—Dinner in the Garden—Vigorous +Tramping—Ride in a Peasant's Cart—A Famous Room +<br><br> +<a href="#ch12">CHAPTER XII</a> +<br> +The Rathhaus—An Old Robber Knight, Gotz Von Berlichingen—His +Famous Deeds—The Square Tower—A Curious old +Church—A Gay Turn—out—A Legend—The Wives' Treasures—A Model +Waiter—A Miracle Performed—An Old Town—The Worn Stones +<br><br> +<a href="#ch13">CHAPTER XIII</a> +<br> +Early to Bed—Lonesome—Nervous Excitement—The Room We +Occupied—Disturbed by a Mouse—Grow Desperate—The +Old Remedy—A Shoe Thrown—Result—Hopelessly Awake—An Attempt to +Dress—A Cruise in the Dark—Crawling on the Floor—A General +Smash-up—Forty-seven Miles' Travel +<br><br> +<a href="#ch14">CHAPTER XIV</a> +<br> +A Famous Turn—out—Raftsmen on the Neckar—The Log Rafts—The +Neckar—A Sudden Idea—To Heidelberg on a Raft—Chartering a +Raft—Gloomy Feelings and Conversation—Delicious +Journeying—View of the Banks—Compared with Railroading +</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote> + +<br><br> +<br><br> + + + +<center><a name="p016"></a><img alt="p016.jpg (82K)" src="images/p016.jpg" height="817" width="535"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + + + + +<a name="ch8"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER VIII</h2> +<h3>The Great French Duel</h3> +<h3>[I Second Gambetta in a Terrific Duel]</h3></center> +<br><br> + +<p>Much as the modern French duel is ridiculed by certain +smart people, it is in reality one of the most dangerous +institutions of our day. Since it is always fought in the +open air, the combatants are nearly sure to catch cold. +M. Paul de Cassagnac, the most inveterate of the French +duelists, had suffered so often in this way that he is at +last a confirmed invalid; and the best physician in Paris +has expressed the opinion that if he goes on dueling for +fifteen or twenty years more—unless he forms the habit +of fighting in a comfortable room where damps and draughts +cannot intrude—he will eventually endanger his life. +This ought to moderate the talk of those people who are +so stubborn in maintaining that the French duel is the +most health-giving of recreations because of the open-air +exercise it affords. And it ought also to moderate that +foolish talk about French duelists and socialist-hated +monarchs being the only people who are immoral. + +<p>But it is time to get at my subject. As soon as I heard +of the late fiery outbreak between M. Gambetta and M. Fourtou +in the French Assembly, I knew that trouble must follow. +I knew it because a long personal friendship with +M. Gambetta revealed to me the desperate and implacable +nature of the man. Vast as are his physical proportions, +I knew that the thirst for revenge would penetrate +to the remotest frontiers of his person. + +<p>I did not wait for him to call on me, but went at once +to him. As I had expected, I found the brave fellow +steeped in a profound French calm. I say French calm, +because French calmness and English calmness have points +of difference. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p070"></a><img alt="p070.jpg (13K)" src="images/p070.jpg" height="385" width="303"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>He was moving swiftly back and forth +among the debris of his furniture, now and then staving +chance fragments of it across the room with his foot; +grinding a constant grist of curses through his set teeth; +and halting every little while to deposit another handful +of his hair on the pile which he had been building of it on +the table. + +<p>He threw his arms around my neck, bent me over his stomach +to his breast, kissed me on both cheeks, hugged me four +or five times, and then placed me in his own arm-chair. +As soon as I had got well again, we began business at once. + +<p>I said I supposed he would wish me to act as his second, +and he said, "Of course." I said I must be allowed +to act under a French name, so that I might be shielded +from obloquy in my country, in case of fatal results. +He winced here, probably at the suggestion that dueling was +not regarded with respect in America. However, he agreed +to my requirement. This accounts for the fact that in all +the newspaper reports M. Gambetta's second was apparently +a Frenchman. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p071"></a><img alt="p071.jpg (9K)" src="images/p071.jpg" height="287" width="253"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>First, we drew up my principal's will. I insisted upon this, +and stuck to my point. I said I had never heard of a man +in his right mind going out to fight a duel without +first making his will. He said he had never heard +of a man in his right mind doing anything of the kind. +When he had finished the will, he wished to proceed +to a choice of his "last words." He wanted to know +how the following words, as a dying exclamation, struck me: + +<p>"I die for my God, for my country, for freedom of speech, +for progress, and the universal brotherhood of man!" + +<p>I objected that this would require too lingering a death; +it was a good speech for a consumptive, but not suited +to the exigencies of the field of honor. We wrangled +over a good many ante-mortem outbursts, but I finally got +him to cut his obituary down to this, which he copied +into his memorandum-book, purposing to get it by heart: + +<p>"I DIE THAT FRANCE MIGHT LIVE." + +<p>I said that this remark seemed to lack relevancy; but he +said relevancy was a matter of no consequence in last words, +what you wanted was thrill. + +<p>The next thing in order was the choice of weapons. +My principal said he was not feeling well, and would leave +that and the other details of the proposed meeting to me. +Therefore I wrote the following note and carried it to +M. Fourtou's friend: + +<p>Sir: M. Gambetta accepts M. Fourtou's challenge, +and authorizes me to propose Plessis-Piquet as the place +of meeting; tomorrow morning at daybreak as the time; +and axes as the weapons. + +<p>I am, sir, with great respect, + +<p>Mark Twain. + +<p>M. Fourtou's friend read this note, and shuddered. +Then he turned to me, and said, with a suggestion of +severity in his tone: + +<p>"Have you considered, sir, what would be the inevitable +result of such a meeting as this?" + +<p>"Well, for instance, what WOULD it be?" + +<p>"Bloodshed!" + +<p>"That's about the size of it," I said. "Now, if it is +a fair question, what was your side proposing to shed?" + +<p>I had him there. He saw he had made a blunder, so he hastened +to explain it away. He said he had spoken jestingly. +Then he added that he and his principal would enjoy axes, +and indeed prefer them, but such weapons were barred +by the French code, and so I must change my proposal. + +<p>I walked the floor, turning the thing over in my mind, +and finally it occurred to me that Gatling-guns at fifteen +paces would be a likely way to get a verdict on the field +of honor. So I framed this idea into a proposition. + +<p>But it was not accepted. The code was in the way again. +I proposed rifles; then double-barreled shotguns; +then Colt's navy revolvers. These being all rejected, +I reflected awhile, and sarcastically suggested brickbats +at three-quarters of a mile. I always hate to fool away +a humorous thing on a person who has no perception of humor; +and it filled me with bitterness when this man went soberly +away to submit the last proposition to his principal. + +<p>He came back presently and said his principal was charmed +with the idea of brickbats at three-quarters of a mile, +but must decline on account of the danger to disinterested +parties passing between them. Then I said: + +<p>"Well, I am at the end of my string, now. Perhaps YOU +would be good enough to suggest a weapon? Perhaps you +have even had one in your mind all the time?" + +<p>His countenance brightened, and he said with alacrity: + +<p>"Oh, without doubt, monsieur!" + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p072"></a><img alt="p072.jpg (7K)" src="images/p072.jpg" height="329" width="123"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>So he fell to hunting in his pockets—pocket after pocket, +and he had plenty of them—muttering all the while, +"Now, what could I have done with them?" + +<p>At last he was successful. He fished out of his vest pocket +a couple of little things which I carried to the light +and ascertained to be pistols. They were single-barreled +and silver-mounted, and very dainty and pretty. +I was not able to speak for emotion. I silently hung +one of them on my watch-chain, and returned the other. +My companion in crime now unrolled a postage-stamp +containing several cartridges, and gave me one of them. +I asked if he meant to signify by this that our men were +to be allowed but one shot apiece. He replied that the +French code permitted no more. I then begged him to go +and suggest a distance, for my mind was growing weak +and confused under the strain which had been put upon it. +He named sixty-five yards. I nearly lost my patience. +I said: + +<p>"Sixty-five yards, with these instruments? Squirt-guns +would be deadlier at fifty. Consider, my friend, +you and I are banded together to destroy life, not make +it eternal." + +<p>But with all my persuasions, all my arguments, I was only +able to get him to reduce the distance to thirty-five yards; +and even this concession he made with reluctance, +and said with a sigh, "I wash my hands of this slaughter; +on your head be it." + +<p>There was nothing for me but to go home to my old +lion-heart and tell my humiliating story. When I entered, +M. Gambetta was laying his last lock of hair upon the altar. +He sprang toward me, exclaiming: + +<p>"You have made the fatal arrangements—I see it in your eye!" + +<p>"I have." + +<p>His face paled a trifle, and he leaned upon the table +for support. He breathed thick and heavily for a moment +or two, so tumultuous were his feelings; then he hoarsely +whispered: + +<p>"The weapon, the weapon! Quick! what is the weapon?" + +<p>"This!" and I displayed that silver-mounted thing. +He cast but one glance at it, then swooned ponderously +to the floor. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p073"></a><img alt="p073.jpg (12K)" src="images/p073.jpg" height="227" width="359"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>When he came to, he said mournfully: + +<p>"The unnatural calm to which I have subjected myself +has told upon my nerves. But away with weakness! +I will confront my fate like a man and a Frenchman." + +<p>He rose to his feet, and assumed an attitude which +for sublimity has never been approached by man, +and has seldom been surpassed by statues. Then he said, +in his deep bass tones: + +<p>"Behold, I am calm, I am ready; reveal to me the distance." + +<p>"Thirty-five yards." ... + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p074"></a><img alt="p074.jpg (6K)" src="images/p074.jpg" height="183" width="329"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>I could not lift him up, of course; but I rolled him over, +and poured water down his back. He presently came to, +and said: + +<p>"Thirty-five yards—without a rest? But why ask? Since +murder was that man's intention, why should he palter +with small details? But mark you one thing: in my fall +the world shall see how the chivalry of France meets death." + +<p>After a long silence he asked: + +<p>"Was nothing said about that man's family standing +up with him, as an offset to my bulk? But no matter; +I would not stoop to make such a suggestion; if he is +not noble enough to suggest it himself, he is welcome +to this advantage, which no honorable man would take." + +<p>He now sank into a sort of stupor of reflection, +which lasted some minutes; after which he broke silence with: + +<p>"The hour—what is the hour fixed for the collision?" + +<p>"Dawn, tomorrow." + +<p>He seemed greatly surprised, and immediately said: + +<p>"Insanity! I never heard of such a thing. Nobody is +abroad at such an hour." + +<p>"That is the reason I named it. Do you mean to say you +want an audience?" + +<p>"It is no time to bandy words. I am astonished that M. Fourtou +should ever have agreed to so strange an innovation. +Go at once and require a later hour." + +<p>I ran downstairs, threw open the front door, and almost +plunged into the arms of M. Fourtou's second. He said: + +<p>"I have the honor to say that my principal strenuously +objects to the hour chosen, and begs you will consent +to change it to half past nine." + +<p>"Any courtesy, sir, which it is in our power to extend +is at the service of your excellent principal. We agree +to the proposed change of time." + +<p>"I beg you to accept the thanks of my client." Then he +turned to a person behind him, and said, "You hear, M. Noir, +the hour is altered to half past nine." Whereupon +M. Noir bowed, expressed his thanks, and went away. +My accomplice continued: + +<p>"If agreeable to you, your chief surgeons and ours shall +proceed to the field in the same carriage as is customary." + +<p>"It is entirely agreeable to me, and I am obliged +to you for mentioning the surgeons, for I am afraid +I should not have thought of them. How many shall +I want? I supposed two or three will be enough?" + +<p>"Two is the customary number for each party. I refer +to 'chief' surgeons; but considering the exalted positions +occupied by our clients, it will be well and decorous +that each of us appoint several consulting surgeons, +from among the highest in the profession. These will +come in their own private carriages. Have you engaged +a hearse?" + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p075"></a><img alt="p075.jpg (11K)" src="images/p075.jpg" height="191" width="419"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>"Bless my stupidity, I never thought of it! I will attend +to it right away. I must seem very ignorant to you; +but you must try to overlook that, because I have never +had any experience of such a swell duel as this before. +I have had a good deal to do with duels on the Pacific coast, +but I see now that they were crude affairs. A hearse—sho! +we used to leave the elected lying around loose, and let +anybody cord them up and cart them off that wanted to. +Have you anything further to suggest?" + +<p>"Nothing, except that the head undertakers shall ride together, +as is usual. The subordinates and mutes will go on foot, +as is also usual. I will see you at eight o'clock +in the morning, and we will then arrange the order +of the procession. I have the honor to bid you a good day." + +<p>I returned to my client, who said, "Very well; +at what hour is the engagement to begin?" + +<p>"Half past nine." + +<p>"Very good indeed. Have you sent the fact to the newspapers?" + +<p>"SIR! If after our long and intimate friendship you can +for a moment deem me capable of so base a treachery—" + +<p>"Tut, tut! What words are these, my dear friend? Have I +wounded you? Ah, forgive me; I am overloading you with labor. +Therefore go on with the other details, and drop this +one from your list. The bloody-minded Fourtou will be +sure to attend to it. Or I myself—yes, to make certain, +I will drop a note to my journalistic friend, M. Noir—" + +<p>"Oh, come to think of it, you may save yourself the trouble; +that other second has informed M. Noir." + +<p>"H'm! I might have known it. It is just like that Fourtou, +who always wants to make a display." + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p077"></a><img alt="p077.jpg (116K)" src="images/p077.jpg" height="891" width="585"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>At half past nine in the morning the procession approached +the field of Plessis-Piquet in the following order: first +came our carriage—nobody in it but M. Gambetta and myself; +then a carriage containing M. Fourtou and his second; +then a carriage containing two poet-orators who did +not believe in God, and these had MS. funeral orations +projecting from their breast pockets; then a carriage +containing the head surgeons and their cases of instruments; +then eight private carriages containing consulting surgeons; +then a hack containing a coroner; then the two hearses; +then a carriage containing the head undertakers; +then a train of assistants and mutes on foot; and after +these came plodding through the fog a long procession +of camp followers, police, and citizens generally. +It was a noble turnout, and would have made a fine display +if we had had thinner weather. + +<p>There was no conversation. I spoke several times to +my principal, but I judge he was not aware of it, for he +always referred to his note-book and muttered absently, +"I die that France might live." + +<p>Arrived on the field, my fellow-second and I paced off +the thirty-five yards, and then drew lots for choice +of position. This latter was but an ornamental ceremony, +for all the choices were alike in such weather. +These preliminaries being ended, I went to my principal +and asked him if he was ready. He spread himself out +to his full width, and said in a stern voice, "Ready! Let +the batteries be charged." + +<p>The loading process was done in the presence of duly +constituted witnesses. We considered it best to perform +this delicate service with the assistance of a lantern, +on account of the state of the weather. We now placed +our men. + +<p>At this point the police noticed that the public had massed +themselves together on the right and left of the field; +they therefore begged a delay, while they should put +these poor people in a place of safety. + +<p>The request was granted. + +<p>The police having ordered the two multitudes to take +positions behind the duelists, we were once more ready. +The weather growing still more opaque, it was agreed between +myself and the other second that before giving the fatal +signal we should each deliver a loud whoop to enable +the combatants to ascertain each other's whereabouts. + +<p>I now returned to my principal, and was distressed +to observe that he had lost a good deal of his spirit. +I tried my best to hearten him. I said, "Indeed, sir, +things are not as bad as they seem. Considering the character +of the weapons, the limited number of shots allowed, +the generous distance, the impenetrable solidity of the fog, +and the added fact that one of the combatants is one-eyed +and the other cross-eyed and near-sighted, it seems to me +that this conflict need not necessarily be fatal. There are +chances that both of you may survive. Therefore, cheer up; +do not be downhearted." + +<p>This speech had so good an effect that my principal +immediately stretched forth his hand and said, "I am +myself again; give me the weapon." + +<p>I laid it, all lonely and forlorn, in the center of the vast +solitude of his palm. He gazed at it and shuddered. +And still mournfully contemplating it, he murmured in a +broken voice: + +<p>"Alas, it is not death I dread, but mutilation." + +<p>I heartened him once more, and with such success that he +presently said, "Let the tragedy begin. Stand at my back; +do not desert me in this solemn hour, my friend." + +<p>I gave him my promise. I now assisted him to point +his pistol toward the spot where I judged his adversary +to be standing, and cautioned him to listen well and +further guide himself by my fellow-second's whoop. +Then I propped myself against M. Gambetta's back, +and raised a rousing "Whoop-ee!" This was answered from +out the far distances of the fog, and I immediately shouted: + +<p>"One—two—three—FIRE!" + +<p>Two little sounds like SPIT! SPIT! broke upon my ear, +and in the same instant I was crushed to the earth under +a mountain of flesh. Bruised as I was, I was still able +to catch a faint accent from above, to this effect: + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p080"></a><img alt="p080.jpg (10K)" src="images/p080.jpg" height="281" width="295"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>"I die for... for ... perdition take it, +what IS it I die for? ... oh, yes—FRANCE! I die +that France may live!" + +<p>The surgeons swarmed around with their probes in +their hands, and applied their microscopes to the whole +area of M. Gambetta's person, with the happy result of +finding nothing in the nature of a wound. Then a scene +ensued which was in every way gratifying and inspiriting. + +<p>The two gladiators fell upon each other's neck, with floods +of proud and happy tears; that other second embraced me; +the surgeons, the orators, the undertakers, the police, +everybody embraced, everybody congratulated, everybody cried, +and the whole atmosphere was filled with praise and with +joy unspeakable. + +<p>It seems to me then that I would rather be a hero +of a French duel than a crowned and sceptered monarch. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p081"></a><img alt="p081.jpg (34K)" src="images/p081.jpg" height="365" width="551"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>When the commotion had somewhat subsided, the body +of surgeons held a consultation, and after a good deal +of debate decided that with proper care and nursing there +was reason to believe that I would survive my injuries. +My internal hurts were deemed the most serious, since it +was apparent that a broken rib had penetrated my left lung, +and that many of my organs had been pressed out so far +to one side or the other of where they belonged, that it +was doubtful if they would ever learn to perform their +functions in such remote and unaccustomed localities. +They then set my left arm in two places, pulled my right +hip into its socket again, and re-elevated my nose. +I was an object of great interest, and even admiration; +and many sincere and warm-hearted persons had themselves +introduced to me, and said they were proud to know +the only man who had been hurt in a French duel in +forty years. + +<p>I was placed in an ambulance at the very head of the procession; +and thus with gratifying 'ECLAT I was marched into Paris, +the most conspicuous figure in that great spectacle, +and deposited at the hospital. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p082"></a><img alt="p082.jpg (17K)" src="images/p082.jpg" height="305" width="337"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>The cross of the Legion of Honor has been conferred +upon me. However, few escape that distinction. + +<p>Such is the true version of the most memorable private +conflict of the age. + +<p>I have no complaints to make against any one. I acted +for myself, and I can stand the consequences. + +<p>Without boasting, I think I may say I am not afraid +to stand before a modern French duelist, but as long +as I keep in my right mind I will never consent to stand +behind one again. +<br><br><br><br><br><br> + + +<a name="ch9"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER IX</h2> +<h3>[What the Beautiful Maiden Said]</h3></center> +<br><br> + +<p>One day we took the train and went down to Mannheim +to see "King Lear" played in German. It was a mistake. +We sat in our seats three whole hours and never understood +anything but the thunder and lightning; and even that +was reversed to suit German ideas, for the thunder came +first and the lightning followed after. + +<p>The behavior of the audience was perfect. There were +no rustlings, or whisperings, or other little disturbances; +each act was listened to in silence, and the applauding +was done after the curtain was down. The doors opened at +half past four, the play began promptly at half past five, +and within two minutes afterward all who were coming were +in their seats, and quiet reigned. A German gentleman +in the train had said that a Shakespearian play was an +appreciated treat in Germany and that we should find the +house filled. It was true; all the six tiers were filled, +and remained so to the end—which suggested that it is +not only balcony people who like Shakespeare in Germany, +but those of the pit and gallery, too. + +<p>Another time, we went to Mannheim and attended a +shivaree—otherwise an opera—the one called "Lohengrin." The +banging and slamming and booming and crashing were +something beyond belief. The racking and pitiless +pain of it remains stored up in my memory alongside +the memory of the time that I had my teeth fixed. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p084a"></a><img alt="p084a.jpg (14K)" src="images/p084a.jpg" height="339" width="319"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>There were circumstances which made it necessary for me +to stay through the four hours to the end, and I stayed; +but the recollection of that long, dragging, relentless season +of suffering is indestructible. To have to endure it +in silence, and sitting still, made it all the harder. +I was in a railed compartment with eight or ten strangers, +of the two sexes, and this compelled repression; +yet at times the pain was so exquisite that I could hardly +keep the tears back. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p084b"></a><img alt="p084b.jpg (8K)" src="images/p084b.jpg" height="281" width="215"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>At those times, as the howlings +and wailings and shrieking of the singers, and the ragings +and roarings and explosions of the vast orchestra rose +higher and higher, and wilder and wilder, and fiercer +and fiercer, I could have cried if I had been alone. +Those strangers would not have been surprised to see +a man do such a thing who was being gradually skinned, +but they would have marveled at it here, and made remarks +about it no doubt, whereas there was nothing in the +present case which was an advantage over being skinned. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p085a"></a><img alt="p085a.jpg (15K)" src="images/p085a.jpg" height="359" width="303"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +There was a wait of half an hour at the end of the first act, +and I could have gone out and rested during that time, +but I could not trust myself to do it, for I felt that I +should desert to stay out. There was another wait +of half an hour toward nine o'clock, but I had gone +through so much by that time that I had no spirit left, +and so had no desire but to be let alone. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p085b"></a><img alt="p085b.jpg (10K)" src="images/p085b.jpg" height="313" width="207"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>I do not wish to suggest that the rest of the people there +were like me, for, indeed, they were not. Whether it +was that they naturally liked that noise, or whether it +was that they had learned to like it by getting used to it, +I did not at the time know; but they did like it—this was +plain enough. While it was going on they sat and looked +as rapt and grateful as cats do when one strokes their backs; +and whenever the curtain fell they rose to their feet, +in one solid mighty multitude, and the air was snowed thick +with waving handkerchiefs, and hurricanes of applause +swept the place. This was not comprehensible to me. +Of course, there were many people there who were not +under compulsion to stay; yet the tiers were as full at +the close as they had been at the beginning. This showed +that the people liked it. + +<p>It was a curious sort of a play. In the manner +of costumes and scenery it was fine and showy enough; +but there was not much action. That is to say, +there was not much really done, it was only talked about; +and always violently. It was what one might call a +narrative play. Everybody had a narrative and a grievance, +and none were reasonable about it, but all in an offensive +and ungovernable state. There was little of that sort +of customary thing where the tenor and the soprano stand +down by the footlights, warbling, with blended voices, +and keep holding out their arms toward each other and drawing +them back and spreading both hands over first one breast +and then the other with a shake and a pressure—no, +it was every rioter for himself and no blending. +Each sang his indictive narrative in turn, accompanied by +the whole orchestra of sixty instruments, and when this had +continued for some time, and one was hoping they might come +to an understanding and modify the noise, a great chorus +composed entirely of maniacs would suddenly break forth, +and then during two minutes, and sometimes three, I lived +over again all that I suffered the time the orphan asylum burned +down. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p086"></a><img alt="p086.jpg (25K)" src="images/p086.jpg" height="511" width="379"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>We only had one brief little season of heaven and heaven's +sweet ecstasy and peace during all this long and diligent +and acrimonious reproduction of the other place. +This was while a gorgeous procession of people marched around +and around, in the third act, and sang the Wedding Chorus. +To my untutored ear that was music—almost divine music. +While my seared soul was steeped in the healing balm +of those gracious sounds, it seemed to me that I could +almost resuffer the torments which had gone before, +in order to be so healed again. There is where the deep +ingenuity of the operatic idea is betrayed. It deals so +largely in pain that its scattered delights are prodigiously +augmented by the contrasts. A pretty air in an opera is +prettier there than it could be anywhere else, I suppose, +just as an honest man in politics shines more than he +would elsewhere. + +<p>I have since found out that there is nothing the Germans +like so much as an opera. They like it, not in a mild +and moderate way, but with their whole hearts. +This is a legitimate result of habit and education. +Our nation will like the opera, too, by and by, no doubt. +One in fifty of those who attend our operas likes +it already, perhaps, but I think a good many of the other +forty-nine go in order to learn to like it, and the +rest in order to be able to talk knowingly about it. +The latter usually hum the airs while they are being sung, +so that their neighbors may perceive that they have been +to operas before. The funerals of these do not occur +often enough. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p087"></a><img alt="p087.jpg (14K)" src="images/p087.jpg" height="331" width="287"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>A gentle, old-maidish person and a sweet young girl +of seventeen sat right in front of us that night at the +Mannheim opera. These people talked, between the acts, +and I understood them, though I understood nothing +that was uttered on the distant stage. At first they +were guarded in their talk, but after they had heard +my agent and me conversing in English they dropped their +reserve and I picked up many of their little confidences; +no, I mean many of HER little confidences—meaning +the elder party—for the young girl only listened, +and gave assenting nods, but never said a word. How pretty +she was, and how sweet she was! I wished she would speak. +But evidently she was absorbed in her own thoughts, +her own young-girl dreams, and found a dearer pleasure +in silence. But she was not dreaming sleepy dreams—no, +she was awake, alive, alert, she could not sit still +a moment. She was an enchanting study. Her gown was +of a soft white silky stuff that clung to her round +young figure like a fish's skin, and it was rippled +over with the gracefulest little fringy films of lace; +she had deep, tender eyes, with long, curved lashes; +and she had peachy cheeks, and a dimpled chin, and such +a dear little rosebud of a mouth; and she was so dovelike, +so pure, and so gracious, so sweet and so bewitching. +For long hours I did mightily wish she would speak. +And at last she did; the red lips parted, and out leaps her +thought—and with such a guileless and pretty enthusiasm, +too: "Auntie, I just KNOW I've got five hundred fleas +on me!" + +<p>That was probably over the average. Yes, it must have been +very much over the average. The average at that time +in the Grand Duchy of Baden was forty-five to a young +person (when alone), according to the official estimate +of the home secretary for that year; the average for older +people was shifty and indeterminable, for whenever a +wholesome young girl came into the presence of her elders +she immediately lowered their average and raised her own. +She became a sort of contribution-box. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p088"></a><img alt="p088.jpg (29K)" src="images/p088.jpg" height="481" width="327"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>This dear young +thing in the theater had been sitting there unconsciously +taking up a collection. Many a skinny old being in our +neighborhood was the happier and the restfuler for her coming. + +<p>In that large audience, that night, there were eight very +conspicuous people. These were ladies who had their hats +or bonnets on. What a blessed thing it would be if a lady +could make herself conspicuous in our theaters by wearing +her hat. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p089"></a><img alt="p089.jpg (17K)" src="images/p089a.jpg" height="407" width="245"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>It is not usual in Europe to allow ladies +and gentlemen to take bonnets, hats, overcoats, canes, +or umbrellas into the auditorium, but in Mannheim this +rule was not enforced because the audiences were largely +made up of people from a distance, and among these were +always a few timid ladies who were afraid that if they had +to go into an anteroom to get their things when the play +was over, they would miss their train. But the great mass +of those who came from a distance always ran the risk +and took the chances, preferring the loss of a train +to a breach of good manners and the discomfort of being +unpleasantly conspicuous during a stretch of three or four hours. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p089b"></a><img alt="p089b.jpg (17K)" src="images/p089b.jpg" height="227" width="561"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br><br><br> + + + + +<a name="ch10"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER X</h2> +<h3>[How Wagner Operas Bang Along]</h3></center> +<br><br> + +<p>Three or four hours. That is a long time to sit in one place, +whether one be conspicuous or not, yet some of Wagner's +operas bang along for six whole hours on a stretch! +But the people sit there and enjoy it all, and wish it +would last longer. A German lady in Munich told me +that a person could not like Wagner's music at first, +but must go through the deliberate process of learning +to like it—then he would have his sure reward; +for when he had learned to like it he would hunger +for it and never be able to get enough of it. She said +that six hours of Wagner was by no means too much. +She said that this composer had made a complete revolution +in music and was burying the old masters one by one. +And she said that Wagner's operas differed from all others +in one notable respect, and that was that they were not +merely spotted with music here and there, but were ALL music, +from the first strain to the last. This surprised me. +I said I had attended one of his insurrections, and found +hardly ANY music in it except the Wedding Chorus. +She said "Lohengrin" was noisier than Wagner's other operas, +but that if I would keep on going to see it I would find +by and by that it was all music, and therefore would +then enjoy it. I COULD have said, "But would you advise +a person to deliberately practice having a toothache +in the pit of his stomach for a couple of years in order +that he might then come to enjoy it?" But I reserved +that remark. + +<p>This lady was full of the praises of the head-tenor +who had performed in a Wagner opera the night before, +and went on to enlarge upon his old and prodigious fame, +and how many honors had been lavished upon him by the +princely houses of Germany. Here was another surprise. +I had attended that very opera, in the person of my agent, +and had made close and accurate observations. So I +said: + +<p>"Why, madam, MY experience warrants me in stating +that that tenor's voice is not a voice at all, +but only a shriek—the shriek of a hyena." + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p091"></a><img alt="p091.jpg (7K)" src="images/p091.jpg" height="301" width="179"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>"That is very true," she said; "he cannot sing now; +it is already many years that he has lost his voice, +but in other times he sang, yes, divinely! So whenever +he comes now, you shall see, yes, that the theater +will not hold the people. JAWOHL BEI GOTT! his voice +is WUNDERSCHOEN in that past time." + +<p>I said she was discovering to me a kindly trait in the +Germans which was worth emulating. I said that over +the water we were not quite so generous; that with us, +when a singer had lost his voice and a jumper had lost +his legs, these parties ceased to draw. I said I had been +to the opera in Hanover, once, and in Mannheim once, +and in Munich (through my authorized agent) once, and this +large experience had nearly persuaded me that the Germans +PREFERRED singers who couldn't sing. This was not such +a very extravagant speech, either, for that burly Mannheim +tenor's praises had been the talk of all Heidelberg for +a week before his performance took place—yet his voice +was like the distressing noise which a nail makes when you +screech it across a window-pane. I said so to Heidelberg +friends the next day, and they said, in the calmest and +simplest way, that that was very true, but that in earlier +times his voice HAD been wonderfully fine. And the tenor +in Hanover was just another example of this sort. +The English-speaking German gentleman who went with me +to the opera there was brimming with enthusiasm over that tenor. +He said: + +<p>"ACH GOTT! a great man! You shall see him. He is so celebrate +in all Germany—and he has a pension, yes, from the government. +He not obliged to sing now, only twice every year; +but if he not sing twice each year they take him his pension +away." + +<p>Very well, we went. When the renowned old tenor appeared, +I got a nudge and an excited whisper: + +<p>"Now you see him!" + +<p>But the "celebrate" was an astonishing disappointment to me. +If he had been behind a screen I should have supposed +they were performing a surgical operation on him. +I looked at my friend—to my great surprise he seemed +intoxicated with pleasure, his eyes were dancing +with eager delight. When the curtain at last fell, +he burst into the stormiest applause, and kept it up—as +did the whole house—until the afflictive tenor had +come three times before the curtain to make his bow. +While the glowing enthusiast was swabbing the perspiration +from his face, I said: + +<p>"I don't mean the least harm, but really, now, do you +think he can sing?" + +<p>"Him? NO! GOTT IM HIMMEL, ABER, how he has been able to +sing twenty-five years ago?" [Then pensively.] "ACH, no, +NOW he not sing any more, he only cry. When he think +he sing, now, he not sing at all, no, he only make +like a cat which is unwell." + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p092"></a><img alt="p092.jpg (8K)" src="images/p092.jpg" height="297" width="205"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>Where and how did we get the idea that the Germans +are a stolid, phlegmatic race? In truth, they are +widely removed from that. They are warm-hearted, +emotional, impulsive, enthusiastic, their tears come +at the mildest touch, and it is not hard to move them +to laughter. They are the very children of impulse. +We are cold and self-contained, compared to the Germans. +They hug and kiss and cry and shout and dance and sing; +and where we use one loving, petting expression, they pour +out a score. Their language is full of endearing diminutives; +nothing that they love escapes the application of a petting +diminutive—neither the house, nor the dog, nor the horse, +nor the grandmother, nor any other creature, animate or +inanimate. + +<p>In the theaters at Hanover, Hamburg, and Mannheim, +they had a wise custom. The moment the curtain went up, +the light in the body of the house went down. +The audience sat in the cool gloom of a deep twilight, +which greatly enhanced the glowing splendors of the stage. +It saved gas, too, and people were not sweated to death. + +<p>When I saw "King Lear" played, nobody was allowed to see +a scene shifted; if there was nothing to be done but slide +a forest out of the way and expose a temple beyond, one did +not see that forest split itself in the middle and go +shrieking away, with the accompanying disenchanting spectacle +of the hands and heels of the impelling impulse—no, +the curtain was always dropped for an instant—one heard +not the least movement behind it—but when it went up, +the next instant, the forest was gone. Even when the +stage was being entirely reset, one heard no noise. +During the whole time that "King Lear" was playing +the curtain was never down two minutes at any one time. +The orchestra played until the curtain was ready to go up +for the first time, then they departed for the evening. +Where the stage waits never reach two minutes there is no +occasion for music. I had never seen this two-minute +business between acts but once before, and that was when +the "Shaughraun" was played at Wallack's. + +<p>I was at a concert in Munich one night, the people +were streaming in, the clock-hand pointed to seven, +the music struck up, and instantly all movement in +the body of the house ceased—nobody was standing, +or walking up the aisles, or fumbling with a seat, +the stream of incomers had suddenly dried up at its source. +I listened undisturbed to a piece of music that was fifteen +minutes long—always expecting some tardy ticket-holders +to come crowding past my knees, and being continuously and +pleasantly disappointed—but when the last note was struck, +here came the stream again. You see, they had made +those late comers wait in the comfortable waiting-parlor +from the time the music had begun until it was ended. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p094"></a><img alt="p094.jpg (29K)" src="images/p094.jpg" height="383" width="435"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>It was the first time I had ever seen this sort of +criminals denied the privilege of destroying the comfort +of a house full of their betters. Some of these were +pretty fine birds, but no matter, they had to tarry +outside in the long parlor under the inspection of +a double rank of liveried footmen and waiting-maids +who supported the two walls with their backs and held +the wraps and traps of their masters and mistresses on their +arms. + +<p>We had no footmen to hold our things, and it was not +permissible to take them into the concert-room; but there +were some men and women to take charge of them for us. +They gave us checks for them and charged a fixed price, +payable in advance—five cents. + +<p>In Germany they always hear one thing at an opera +which has never yet been heard in America, perhaps—I +mean the closing strain of a fine solo or duet. +We always smash into it with an earthquake of applause. +The result is that we rob ourselves of the sweetest +part of the treat; we get the whiskey, but we don't get +the sugar in the bottom of the glass. + +<p>Our way of scattering applause along through an act seems +to me to be better than the Mannheim way of saving it +all up till the act is ended. I do not see how an actor +can forget himself and portray hot passion before a cold +still audience. I should think he would feel foolish. +It is a pain to me to this day, to remember how that old +German Lear raged and wept and howled around the stage, +with never a response from that hushed house, never a +single outburst till the act was ended. To me there was +something unspeakably uncomfortable in the solemn dead +silences that always followed this old person's tremendous +outpourings of his feelings. I could not help putting +myself in his place—I thought I knew how sick and flat +he felt during those silences, because I remembered a case +which came under my observation once, and which—but I +will tell the incident: + +<p>One evening on board a Mississippi steamboat, a boy of ten +years lay asleep in a berth—a long, slim-legged boy, +he was, encased in quite a short shirt; it was the first +time he had ever made a trip on a steamboat, and so he +was troubled, and scared, and had gone to bed with his +head filled with impending snaggings, and explosions, +and conflagrations, and sudden death. About ten o'clock +some twenty ladies were sitting around about the ladies' +saloon, quietly reading, sewing, embroidering, and so on, +and among them sat a sweet, benignant old dame with round +spectacles on her nose and her busy knitting-needles +in her hands. Now all of a sudden, into the midst of this +peaceful scene burst that slim-shanked boy in the brief shirt, +wild-eyed, erect-haired, and shouting, "Fire, fire! +JUMP AND RUN, THE BOAT'S AFIRE AND THERE AIN'T A MINUTE +TO LOSE!" All those ladies looked sweetly up and smiled, +nobody stirred, the old lady pulled her spectacles down, +looked over them, and said, gently: + +<p>"But you mustn't catch cold, child. Run and put on +your breastpin, and then come and tell us all about it." + +<p>It was a cruel chill to give to a poor little devil's +gushing vehemence. He was expecting to be a sort of +hero—the creator of a wild panic—and here everybody +sat and smiled a mocking smile, and an old woman made +fun of his bugbear. I turned and crept away—for I +was that boy—and never even cared to discover whether +I had dreamed the fire or actually seen it. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p096"></a><img alt="p096.jpg (29K)" src="images/p096.jpg" height="343" width="483"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>I am told that in a German concert or opera, they hardly +ever encore a song; that though they may be dying to hear +it again, their good breeding usually preserves them +against requiring the repetition. + +<p>Kings may encore; that is quite another matter; +it delights everybody to see that the King is pleased; +and as to the actor encored, his pride and gratification +are simply boundless. Still, there are circumstances +in which even a royal encore— + +<p>But it is better to illustrate. The King of Bavaria is +a poet, and has a poet's eccentricities—with the advantage +over all other poets of being able to gratify them, +no matter what form they may take. He is fond of opera, +but not fond of sitting in the presence of an audience; +therefore, it has sometimes occurred, in Munich, +that when an opera has been concluded and the players +were getting off their paint and finery, a command has +come to them to get their paint and finery on again. +Presently the King would arrive, solitary and alone, +and the players would begin at the beginning and do the +entire opera over again with only that one individual +in the vast solemn theater for audience. Once he took +an odd freak into his head. High up and out of sight, +over the prodigious stage of the court theater is a maze +of interlacing water-pipes, so pierced that in case +of fire, innumerable little thread-like streams of +water can be caused to descend; and in case of need, +this discharge can be augmented to a pouring flood. +American managers might want to make a note of that. +The King was sole audience. The opera proceeded, +it was a piece with a storm in it; the mimic thunder +began to mutter, the mimic wind began to wail and sough, +and the mimic rain to patter. The King's interest rose +higher and higher; it developed into enthusiasm. He cried +out: + +<p>"It is very, very good, indeed! But I will have real +rain! Turn on the water!" + +<p>The manager pleaded for a reversal of the command; said it +would ruin the costly scenery and the splendid costumes, +but the King cried: + +<p>"No matter, no matter, I will have real rain! Turn +on the water!" + +<p>So the real rain was turned on and began to descend in +gossamer lances to the mimic flower-beds and gravel walks +of the stage. The richly dressed actresses and actors +tripped about singing bravely and pretending not to mind it. +The King was delighted—his enthusiasm grew higher. +He cried out: + +<p>"Bravo, bravo! More thunder! more lightning! turn +on more rain!" + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p098"></a><img alt="p098.jpg (37K)" src="images/p098.jpg" height="387" width="481"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>The thunder boomed, the lightning glared, the storm-winds raged, +the deluge poured down. The mimic royalty on the stage, +with their soaked satins clinging to their bodies, +slopped about ankle-deep in water, warbling their sweetest +and best, the fiddlers under the eaves of the stage sawed +away for dear life, with the cold overflow spouting down +the backs of their necks, and the dry and happy King sat +in his lofty box and wore his gloves to ribbons applauding. + +<p>"More yet!" cried the King; "more yet—let loose all +the thunder, turn on all the water! I will hang the man +that raises an umbrella!" + +<p>When this most tremendous and effective storm that had +ever been produced in any theater was at last over, +the King's approbation was measureless. He cried: + +<p>"Magnificent, magnificent! ENCORE! Do it again!" + +<p>But the manager succeeded in persuading him to recall +the encore, and said the company would feel sufficiently +rewarded and complimented in the mere fact that the +encore was desired by his Majesty, without fatiguing +him with a repetition to gratify their own vanity. + +<p>During the remainder of the act the lucky performers +were those whose parts required changes of dress; +the others were a soaked, bedraggled, and uncomfortable lot, +but in the last degree picturesque. The stage scenery +was ruined, trap-doors were so swollen that they wouldn't +work for a week afterward, the fine costumes were spoiled, +and no end of minor damages were done by that remarkable storm. + +<p>It was a royal idea—that storm—and royally carried out. +But observe the moderation of the King; he did not +insist upon his encore. If he had been a gladsome, +unreflecting American opera-audience, he probably would +have had his storm repeated and repeated until he drowned +all those people. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p099"></a><img alt="p099.jpg (29K)" src="images/p099.jpg" height="459" width="317"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br><br><br> + + + +<a name="ch11"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XI</h2> +<h3>[I Paint a "Turner"]</h3></center> +<br><br> + +<p>The summer days passed pleasantly in Heidelberg. +We had a skilled trainer, and under his instructions we +were getting our legs in the right condition for the +contemplated pedestrian tours; we were well satisfied +with the progress which we had made in the German language, +[1. See Appendix D for information concerning this +fearful tongue.] and more than satisfied with what we had +accomplished in art. We had had the best instructors in +drawing and painting in Germany—Haemmerling, Vogel, Mueller, +Dietz, and Schumann. Haemmerling taught us landscape-painting. +Vogel taught us figure-drawing, Mueller taught us to do +still-life, and Dietz and Schumann gave us a finishing +course in two specialties—battle-pieces and shipwrecks. +Whatever I am in Art I owe to these men. I have something +of the manner of each and all of them; but they all said that I +had also a manner of my own, and that it was conspicuous. +They said there was a marked individuality about my +style—insomuch that if I ever painted the commonest +type of a dog, I should be sure to throw a something +into the aspect of that dog which would keep him from +being mistaken for the creation of any other artist. +Secretly I wanted to believe all these kind sayings, +but I could not; I was afraid that my masters' +partiality for me, and pride in me, biased their judgment. +So I resolved to make a test. Privately, and unknown +to any one, I painted my great picture, "Heidelberg Castle +Illuminated"—my first really important work in oils—and +had it hung up in the midst of a wilderness of oil-pictures +in the Art Exhibition, with no name attached to it. To my +great gratification it was instantly recognized as mine. +All the town flocked to see it, and people even came from +neighboring localities to visit it. It made more stir than +any other work in the Exhibition. But the most gratifying +thing of all was, that chance strangers, passing through, +who had not heard of my picture, were not only drawn to it, +as by a lodestone, the moment they entered the gallery, +but always took it for a "Turner." + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p101"></a><img alt="p101.jpg (45K)" src="images/p101.jpg" height="587" width="453"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>Apparently nobody had ever done that. There were ruined +castles on the overhanging cliffs and crags all the way; +these were said to have their legends, like those on the Rhine, +and what was better still, they had never been in print. +There was nothing in the books about that lovely region; +it had been neglected by the tourist, it was virgin soil for +the literary pioneer. + +<p>Meantime the knapsacks, the rough walking-suits and the stout +walking-shoes which we had ordered, were finished and brought +to us. A Mr. X and a young Mr. Z had agreed to go with us. +We went around one evening and bade good-by to our friends, +and afterward had a little farewell banquet at the hotel. +We got to bed early, for we wanted to make an early start, +so as to take advantage of the cool of the morning. + +<p>We were out of bed at break of day, feeling fresh +and vigorous, and took a hearty breakfast, then plunged +down through the leafy arcades of the Castle grounds, +toward the town. What a glorious summer morning it was, +and how the flowers did pour out their fragrance, +and how the birds did sing! It was just the time for a +tramp through the woods and mountains. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p103"></a><img alt="p103.jpg (24K)" src="images/p103.jpg" height="467" width="341"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>We were all dressed alike: broad slouch hats, to keep the +sun off; gray knapsacks; blue army shirts; blue overalls; +leathern gaiters buttoned tight from knee down to ankle; +high-quarter coarse shoes snugly laced. Each man had +an opera-glass, a canteen, and a guide-book case slung +over his shoulder, and carried an alpenstock in one hand +and a sun-umbrella in the other. Around our hats were +wound many folds of soft white muslin, with the ends +hanging and flapping down our backs—an idea brought +from the Orient and used by tourists all over Europe. +Harris carried the little watch-like machine called +a "pedometer," whose office is to keep count of a man's +steps and tell how far he has walked. Everybody stopped +to admire our costumes and give us a hearty "Pleasant march +to you!" + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p104"></a><img alt="p104.jpg (32K)" src="images/p104.jpg" height="477" width="337"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>When we got downtown I found that we could go by rail to +within five miles of Heilbronn. The train was just starting, +so we jumped aboard and went tearing away in splendid spirits. +It was agreed all around that we had done wisely, +because it would be just as enjoyable to walk DOWN the Neckar +as up it, and it could not be needful to walk both ways. +There were some nice German people in our compartment. +I got to talking some pretty private matters presently, +and Harris became nervous; so he nudged me and said: + +<p>"Speak in German—these Germans may understand English." + +<p>I did so, it was well I did; for it turned out that there +was not a German in that party who did not understand +English perfectly. It is curious how widespread our language +is in Germany. After a while some of those folks got out +and a German gentleman and his two young daughters got in. +I spoke in German of one of the latter several times, +but without result. Finally she said: + +<p>"ICH VERSTEHE NUR DEUTCH UND ENGLISHE,"—or words to +that effect. That is, "I don't understand any language +but German and English." + +<p>And sure enough, not only she but her father and sister +spoke English. So after that we had all the talk we wanted; +and we wanted a good deal, for they were agreeable people. +They were greatly interested in our customs; especially +the alpenstocks, for they had not seen any before. +They said that the Neckar road was perfectly level, so we +must be going to Switzerland or some other rugged country; +and asked us if we did not find the walking pretty fatiguing +in such warm weather. But we said no. + +<p>We reached Wimpfen—I think it was Wimpfen—in about +three hours, and got out, not the least tired; found a +good hotel and ordered beer and dinner—then took +a stroll through the venerable old village. It was very +picturesque and tumble-down, and dirty and interesting. +It had queer houses five hundred years old in it, +and a military tower 115 feet high, which had stood there +more than ten centuries. I made a little sketch of it. +I kept a copy, but gave the original to the Burgomaster. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p105a"></a><img alt="p105a.jpg (20K)" src="images/p105a.jpg" height="403" width="293"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>I think the original was better than the copy, because it +had more windows in it and the grass stood up better and had +a brisker look. There was none around the tower, though; +I composed the grass myself, from studies I made in a field +by Heidelberg in Haemmerling's time. The man on top, +looking at the view, is apparently too large, but I found +he could not be made smaller, conveniently. I wanted +him there, and I wanted him visible, so I thought out a +way to manage it; I composed the picture from two points +of view; the spectator is to observe the man from bout +where that flag is, and he must observe the tower itself +from the ground. This harmonizes the seeming discrepancy. +[Figure 2] + +<p>Near an old cathedral, under a shed, were three crosses +of stone—moldy and damaged things, bearing life-size +stone figures. The two thieves were dressed in the fanciful +court costumes of the middle of the sixteenth century, +while the Saviour was nude, with the exception of a cloth +around the loins. + +<p>We had dinner under the green trees in a garden belonging +to the hotel and overlooking the Neckar; then, after a smoke, +we went to bed. We had a refreshing nap, then got up +about three in the afternoon and put on our panoply. +As we tramped gaily out at the gate of the town, +we overtook a peasant's cart, partly laden with odds and +ends of cabbages and similar vegetable rubbish, and drawn +by a small cow and a smaller donkey yoked together. +It was a pretty slow concern, but it got us into Heilbronn +before dark—five miles, or possibly it was seven. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p105b"></a><img alt="p105b.jpg (37K)" src="images/p105b.jpg" height="299" width="555"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>We stopped at the very same inn which the famous old +robber-knight and rough fighter Goetz von Berlichingen, +abode in after he got out of captivity in the Square Tower +of Heilbronn between three hundred and fifty and four hundred +years ago. Harris and I occupied the same room which he +had occupied and the same paper had not quite peeled off +the walls yet. The furniture was quaint old carved stuff, +full four hundred years old, and some of the smells +were over a thousand. There was a hook in the wall, +which the landlord said the terrific old Goetz used to +hang his iron hand on when he took it off to go to bed. +This room was very large—it might be called +immense—and it was on the first floor; which means it was in +the second story, for in Europe the houses are so high +that they do not count the first story, else they +would get tired climbing before they got to the top. +The wallpaper was a fiery red, with huge gold figures in it, +well smirched by time, and it covered all the doors. +These doors fitted so snugly and continued the figures +of the paper so unbrokenly, that when they were closed +one had to go feeling and searching along the wall +to find them. There was a stove in the corner—one +of those tall, square, stately white porcelain things +that looks like a monument and keeps you thinking +of death when you ought to be enjoying your travels. +The windows looked out on a little alley, and over that +into a stable and some poultry and pig yards in the rear +of some tenement-houses. There were the customary two beds +in the room, one in one end, the other in the other, +about an old-fashioned brass-mounted, single-barreled +pistol-shot apart. They were fully as narrow as the usual +German bed, too, and had the German bed's ineradicable +habit of spilling the blankets on the floor every time +you forgot yourself and went to sleep. + +<p>A round table as large as King Arthur's stood in the +center of the room; while the waiters were getting +ready to serve our dinner on it we all went out to see +the renowned clock on the front of the municipal buildings. + + +<br><br><br><br><br><br> +<a name="ch12"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XII</h2> +<h3>[What the Wives Saved]</h3></center> +<br><br> + + +<p>The RATHHAUS, or municipal building, is of the quaintest +and most picturesque Middle-Age architecture. It has a +massive portico and steps, before it, heavily balustraded, +and adorned with life-sized rusty iron knights in +complete armor. The clock-face on the front of the building +is very large and of curious pattern. Ordinarily, a gilded +angel strikes the hour on a big bell with a hammer; +as the striking ceases, a life-sized figure of Time raises +its hour-glass and turns it; two golden rams advance +and butt each other; a gilded cock lifts its wings; +but the main features are two great angels, who stand +on each side of the dial with long horns at their lips; +it was said that they blew melodious blasts on these +horns every hour—but they did not do it for us. +We were told, later, that they blew only at night, +when the town was still. + +<p>Within the RATHHAUS were a number of huge wild boars' +heads, preserved, and mounted on brackets along the wall; +they bore inscriptions telling who killed them and how many +hundred years ago it was done. One room in the building +was devoted to the preservation of ancient archives. +There they showed us no end of aged documents; some were +signed by Popes, some by Tilly and other great generals, +and one was a letter written and subscribed by Goetz von +Berlichingen in Heilbronn in 1519 just after his release +from the Square Tower. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p109"></a><img alt="p109.jpg (85K)" src="images/p109.jpg" height="895" width="601"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>This fine old robber-knight was a devoutly and sincerely +religious man, hospitable, charitable to the poor, +fearless in fight, active, enterprising, and possessed +of a large and generous nature. He had in him a +quality of being able to overlook moderate injuries, +and being able to forgive and forget mortal ones as +soon as he had soundly trounced the authors of them. +He was prompt to take up any poor devil's quarrel and risk +his neck to right him. The common folk held him dear, +and his memory is still green in ballad and tradition. +He used to go on the highway and rob rich wayfarers; +and other times he would swoop down from his high castle +on the hills of the Neckar and capture passing cargoes +of merchandise. In his memoirs he piously thanks the +Giver of all Good for remembering him in his needs and +delivering sundry such cargoes into his hands at times +when only special providences could have relieved him. +He was a doughty warrior and found a deep joy in battle. +In an assault upon a stronghold in Bavaria when he was +only twenty-three years old, his right hand was shot away, +but he was so interested in the fight that he did not +observe it for a while. He said that the iron hand +which was made for him afterward, and which he wore for +more than half a century, was nearly as clever a member +as the fleshy one had been. I was glad to get a facsimile +of the letter written by this fine old German Robin Hood, +though I was not able to read it. He was a better artist +with his sword than with his pen. + +<p>We went down by the river and saw the Square Tower. +It was a very venerable structure, very strong, +and very ornamental. There was no opening near the ground. +They had to use a ladder to get into it, no doubt. + +<p>We visited the principal church, also—a curious +old structure, with a towerlike spire adorned with all +sorts of grotesque images. The inner walls of the church +were placarded with large mural tablets of copper, +bearing engraved inscriptions celebrating the merits +of old Heilbronn worthies of two or three centuries ago, +and also bearing rudely painted effigies of themselves +and their families tricked out in the queer costumes of +those days. The head of the family sat in the foreground, +and beyond him extended a sharply receding and diminishing +row of sons; facing him sat his wife, and beyond +her extended a low row of diminishing daughters. +The family was usually large, but the perspective bad. + +<p>Then we hired the hack and the horse which Goetz von +Berlichingen used to use, and drove several miles into +the country to visit the place called WEIBERTREU—Wife's +Fidelity I suppose it means. It was a feudal castle +of the Middle Ages. When we reached its neighborhood we +found it was beautifully situated, but on top of a mound, +or hill, round and tolerably steep, and about two hundred +feet high. Therefore, as the sun was blazing hot, +we did not climb up there, but took the place on trust, +and observed it from a distance while the horse leaned up +against a fence and rested. The place has no interest +except that which is lent it by its legend, which is +a very pretty one—to this effect: + +<p>THE LEGEND + +<p>In the Middle Ages, a couple of young dukes, brothers, +took opposite sides in one of the wars, the one fighting +for the Emperor, the other against him. One of them +owned the castle and village on top of the mound which I +have been speaking of, and in his absence his brother +came with his knights and soldiers and began a siege. +It was a long and tedious business, for the people +made a stubborn and faithful defense. But at last +their supplies ran out and starvation began its work; +more fell by hunger than by the missiles of the enemy. +They by and by surrendered, and begged for charitable terms. +But the beleaguering prince was so incensed against them +for their long resistance that he said he would spare none +but the women and children—all men should be put to the +sword without exception, and all their goods destroyed. +Then the women came and fell on their knees and begged for +the lives of their husbands. + +<p>"No," said the prince, "not a man of them shall escape alive; +you yourselves shall go with your children into houseless +and friendless banishment; but that you may not starve +I grant you this one grace, that each woman may bear +with her from this place as much of her most valuable +property as she is able to carry." + +<p>Very well, presently the gates swung open and out filed +those women carrying their HUSBANDS on their shoulders. +The besiegers, furious at the trick, rushed forward +to slaughter the men, but the Duke stepped between and +said: + +<p>"No, put up your swords—a prince's word is inviolable." + +<p>When we got back to the hotel, King Arthur's Round Table +was ready for us in its white drapery, and the head waiter +and his first assistant, in swallow-tails and white cravats, +brought in the soup and the hot plates at once. + +<p>Mr. X had ordered the dinner, and when the wine came on, +he picked up a bottle, glanced at the label, and then turned +to the grave, the melancholy, the sepulchral head waiter +and said it was not the sort of wine he had asked for. +The head waiter picked up the bottle, cast his undertaker-eye +on it and said: + +<p>"It is true; I beg pardon." Then he turned on his +subordinate and calmly said, "Bring another label." + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p111"></a><img alt="p111.jpg (22K)" src="images/p111.jpg" height="627" width="261"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>At the same time he slid the present label off with his hand +and laid it aside; it had been newly put on, its paste +was still wet. When the new label came, he put it on; +our French wine being now turned into German wine, +according to desire, the head waiter went blandly about his +other duties, as if the working of this sort of miracle +was a common and easy thing to him. + +<p>Mr. X said he had not known, before, that there were +people honest enough to do this miracle in public, +but he was aware that thousands upon thousands of labels +were imported into America from Europe every year, +to enable dealers to furnish to their customers in a quiet +and inexpensive way all the different kinds of foreign +wines they might require. + +<p>We took a turn around the town, after dinner, and found +it fully as interesting in the moonlight as it had been +in the daytime. The streets were narrow and roughly paved, +and there was not a sidewalk or a street-lamp anywhere. +The dwellings were centuries old, and vast enough for hotels. +They widened all the way up; the stories projected +further and further forward and aside as they ascended, +and the long rows of lighted windows, filled with little bits +of panes, curtained with figured white muslin and adorned +outside with boxes of flowers, made a pretty effect. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p112"></a><img alt="p112.jpg (34K)" src="images/p112.jpg" height="559" width="317"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>The moon was bright, and the light and shadow very strong; +and nothing could be more picturesque than those curving +streets, with their rows of huge high gables leaning +far over toward each other in a friendly gossiping way, +and the crowds below drifting through the alternating blots +of gloom and mellow bars of moonlight. Nearly everybody +was abroad, chatting, singing, romping, or massed in lazy +comfortable attitudes in the doorways. + +<p>In one place there was a public building which was +fenced about with a thick, rusty chain, which sagged +from post to post in a succession of low swings. +The pavement, here, was made of heavy blocks of stone. +In the glare of the moon a party of barefooted children +were swinging on those chains and having a noisy good time. +They were not the first ones who have done that; +even their great-great-grandfathers had not been the first +to do it when they were children. The strokes of the bare +feet had worn grooves inches deep in the stone flags; +it had taken many generations of swinging children to +accomplish that. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p113"></a><img alt="p113.jpg (39K)" src="images/p113.jpg" height="453" width="575"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>Everywhere in the town were the mold +and decay that go with antiquity, and evidence of it; +but I do not know that anything else gave us so vivid +a sense of the old age of Heilbronn as those footworn +grooves in the paving-stones. + + + + +<br><br><br><br><br><br> +<a name="ch13"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XIII</h2> +<h3>[My Long Crawl in the Dark]</h3></center> +<br><br> + + + +<p>When we got back to the hotel I wound and set the +pedometer and put it in my pocket, for I was to carry +it next day and keep record of the miles we made. +The work which we had given the instrument to do during +the day which had just closed had not fatigued it perceptibly. + +<p>We were in bed by ten, for we wanted to be up and away on +our tramp homeward with the dawn. I hung fire, but Harris +went to sleep at once. I hate a man who goes to sleep +at once; there is a sort of indefinable something about it +which is not exactly an insult, and yet is an insolence; +and one which is hard to bear, too. I lay there fretting +over this injury, and trying to go to sleep; but the harder +I tried, the wider awake I grew. I got to feeling very lonely +in the dark, with no company but an undigested dinner. +My mind got a start by and by, and began to consider the +beginning of every subject which has ever been thought of; +but it never went further than the beginning; it was touch +and go; it fled from topic to topic with a frantic speed. +At the end of an hour my head was in a perfect whirl and I +was dead tired, fagged out. + +<p>The fatigue was so great that it presently began to make some +head against the nervous excitement; while imagining myself +wide awake, I would really doze into momentary unconsciousness, +and come suddenly out of it with a physical jerk which nearly +wrenched my joints apart—the delusion of the instant +being that I was tumbling backward over a precipice. +After I had fallen over eight or nine precipices and thus +found out that one half of my brain had been asleep eight +or nine times without the wide-awake, hard-working other +half suspecting it, the periodical unconsciousnesses +began to extend their spell gradually over more of my +brain-territory, and at last I sank into a drowse which +grew deeper and deeper and was doubtless just on the very +point of being a solid, blessed dreamless stupor, when—what was +that? + +<p>My dulled faculties dragged themselves partly back to life +and took a receptive attitude. Now out of an immense, +a limitless distance, came a something which grew and grew, +and approached, and presently was recognizable as a +sound—it had rather seemed to be a feeling, before. This sound +was a mile away, now—perhaps it was the murmur of a storm; +and now it was nearer—not a quarter of a mile away; +was it the muffled rasping and grinding of distant +machinery? No, it came still nearer; was it the measured +tramp of a marching troop? But it came nearer still, +and still nearer—and at last it was right in the room: it +was merely a mouse gnawing the woodwork. So I had held my +breath all that time for such a trifle. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p115"></a><img alt="p115.jpg (72K)" src="images/p115.jpg" height="825" width="287"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>Well, what was done could not be helped; I would go +to sleep at once and make up the lost time. That was +a thoughtless thought. Without intending it—hardly +knowing it—I fell to listening intently to that sound, +and even unconsciously counting the strokes of the mouse's +nutmeg-grater. Presently I was deriving exquisite suffering +from this employment, yet maybe I could have endured +it if the mouse had attended steadily to his work; +but he did not do that; he stopped every now and then, +and I suffered more while waiting and listening for +him to begin again than I did while he was gnawing. +Along at first I was mentally offering a reward +of five—six—seven—ten—dollars for that mouse; +but toward the last I was offering rewards which were +entirely beyond my means. I close-reefed my +ears—that is to say, I bent the flaps of them down and furled +them into five or six folds, and pressed them against +the hearing-orifice—but it did no good: the faculty +was so sharpened by nervous excitement that it was become +a microphone and could hear through the overlays without trouble. + +<p> +My anger grew to a frenzy. I finally did what all persons +before me have done, clear back to Adam,—resolved to +throw something. I reached down and got my walking-shoes, +then sat up in bed and listened, in order to exactly locate +the noise. But I couldn't do it; it was as unlocatable +as a cricket's noise; and where one thinks that that is, +is always the very place where it isn't. So I presently +hurled a shoe at random, and with a vicious vigor. +It struck the wall over Harris's head and fell down on him; +I had not imagined I could throw so far. It woke Harris, +and I was glad of it until I found he was not angry; +then I was sorry. He soon went to sleep again, +which pleased me; but straightway the mouse began again, +which roused my temper once more. I did not want to wake +Harris a second time, but the gnawing continued until I +was compelled to throw the other shoe. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p117"></a><img alt="p117.jpg (29K)" src="images/p117.jpg" height="404" width="370"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>This time I broke +a mirror—there were two in the room—I got the largest one, +of course. Harris woke again, but did not complain, +and I was sorrier than ever. I resolved that I would +suffer all possible torture before I would disturb him a +third time. + +<p>The mouse eventually retired, and by and by I was sinking +to sleep, when a clock began to strike; I counted till +it was done, and was about to drowse again when another +clock began; I counted; then the two great RATHHAUS clock +angels began to send forth soft, rich, melodious blasts +from their long trumpets. I had never heard anything +that was so lovely, or weird, or mysterious—but when they +got to blowing the quarter-hours, they seemed to me to be +overdoing the thing. Every time I dropped off for the moment, +a new noise woke me. Each time I woke I missed my coverlet, +and had to reach down to the floor and get it again. + +<p>At last all sleepiness forsook me. I recognized the fact +that I was hopelessly and permanently wide awake. +Wide awake, and feverish and thirsty. When I had lain +tossing there as long as I could endure it, it occurred +to me that it would be a good idea to dress and go out in +the great square and take a refreshing wash in the fountain, +and smoke and reflect there until the remnant of the night +was gone. + +<p>I believed I could dress in the dark without waking Harris. +I had banished my shoes after the mouse, but my slippers +would do for a summer night. So I rose softly, and gradually +got on everything—down to one sock. I couldn't seem +to get on the track of that sock, any way I could fix it. +But I had to have it; so I went down on my hands and knees, +with one slipper on and the other in my hand, and began to +paw gently around and rake the floor, but with no success. +I enlarged my circle, and went on pawing and raking. +With every pressure of my knee, how the floor creaked! +and every time I chanced to rake against any article, +it seemed to give out thirty-five or thirty-six times +more noise than it would have done in the daytime. +In those cases I always stopped and held my breath till I +was sure Harris had not awakened—then I crept along again. +I moved on and on, but I could not find the sock; +I could not seem to find anything but furniture. +I could not remember that there was much furniture +in the room when I went to bed, but the place was alive +with it now —especially chairs—chairs +everywhere—had a couple of families moved in, in the mean time? And +I never could seem to GLANCE on one of those chairs, +but always struck it full and square with my head. +My temper rose, by steady and sure degrees, and as I +pawed on and on, I fell to making vicious comments under +my breath. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p118"></a><img alt="p118.jpg (36K)" src="images/p118.jpg" height="423" width="551"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>Finally, with a venomous access of irritation, I said I +would leave without the sock; so I rose up and made straight +for the door—as I supposed—and suddenly confronted my +dim spectral image in the unbroken mirror. It startled +the breath out of me, for an instant; it also showed me +that I was lost, and had no sort of idea where I was. +When I realized this, I was so angry that I had to sit +down on the floor and take hold of something to keep +from lifting the roof off with an explosion of opinion. +If there had been only one mirror, it might possibly have +helped to locate me; but there were two, and two were as +bad as a thousand; besides, these were on opposite sides +of the room. I could see the dim blur of the windows, +but in my turned-around condition they were exactly +where they ought not to be, and so they only confused me +instead of helping me. + +<p>I started to get up, and knocked down an umbrella; +it made a noise like a pistol-shot when it struck +that hard, slick, carpetless floor; I grated my teeth +and held my breath—Harris did not stir. I set the +umbrella slowly and carefully on end against the wall, +but as soon as I took my hand away, its heel slipped +from under it, and down it came again with another bang. +I shrunk together and listened a moment in silent +fury—no harm done, everything quiet. With the most painstaking +care and nicety, I stood the umbrella up once more, +took my hand away, and down it came again. + +<p>I have been strictly reared, but if it had not been +so dark and solemn and awful there in that lonely, +vast room, I do believe I should have said something +then which could not be put into a Sunday-school book +without injuring the sale of it. If my reasoning powers +had not been already sapped dry by my harassments, +I would have known better than to try to set an umbrella +on end on one of those glassy German floors in the dark; +it can't be done in the daytime without four failures +to one success. I had one comfort, though—Harris was +yet still and silent—he had not stirred. + +<p>The umbrella could not locate me—there were four +standing around the room, and all alike. I thought I +would feel along the wall and find the door in that way. +I rose up and began this operation, but raked down +a picture. It was not a large one, but it made noise +enough for a panorama. Harris gave out no sound, but I +felt that if I experimented any further with the pictures +I should be sure to wake him. Better give up trying to +get out. Yes, I would find King Arthur's Round Table once +more—I had already found it several times—and use it +for a base of departure on an exploring tour for my bed; +if I could find my bed I could then find my water pitcher; +I would quench my raging thirst and turn in. So I started +on my hands and knees, because I could go faster that way, +and with more confidence, too, and not knock down things. +By and by I found the table—with my head—rubbed the +bruise a little, then rose up and started, with hands +abroad and fingers spread, to balance myself. I found +a chair; then a wall; then another chair; then a sofa; +then an alpenstock, then another sofa; this confounded me, +for I had thought there was only one sofa. I hunted +up the table again and took a fresh start; found some +more chairs. + +<p>It occurred to me, now, as it ought to have done before, +that as the table was round, it was therefore of no +value as a base to aim from; so I moved off once more, +and at random among the wilderness of chairs and +sofas—wandering off into unfamiliar regions, and presently knocked +a candlestick and knocked off a lamp, grabbed at the lamp +and knocked off a water pitcher with a rattling crash, +and thought to myself, "I've found you at last—I +judged I was close upon you." Harris shouted "murder," +and "thieves," and finished with "I'm absolutely drowned." + +<p>The crash had roused the house. Mr. X pranced in, +in his long night-garment, with a candle, young Z after him +with another candle; a procession swept in at another door, +with candles and lanterns—landlord and two German guests +in their nightgowns and a chambermaid in hers. + +<p>I looked around; I was at Harris's bed, a Sabbath-day's +journey from my own. There was only one sofa; it was against +the wall; there was only one chair where a body could get +at it—I had been revolving around it like a planet, +and colliding with it like a comet half the night. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p121"></a><img alt="p121.jpg (52K)" src="images/p121.jpg" height="601" width="369"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>I explained how I had been employing myself, and why. +Then the landlord's party left, and the rest of us set +about our preparations for breakfast, for the dawn was +ready to break. I glanced furtively at my pedometer, +and found I had made 47 miles. But I did not care, for I +had come out for a pedestrian tour anyway. + + + +<br><br><br><br><br><br> +<a name="ch14"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XIV</h2> +<h3>[Rafting Down the Neckar]</h3></center> +<br><br> + + + +<p>When the landlord learned that I and my agents were artists, +our party rose perceptibly in his esteem; we rose still +higher when he learned that we were making a pedestrian +tour of Europe. + +<p>He told us all about the Heidelberg road, and which +were the best places to avoid and which the best ones +to tarry at; he charged me less than cost for the things +I broke in the night; he put up a fine luncheon for us +and added to it a quantity of great light-green plums, +the pleasantest fruit in Germany; he was so anxious to do us +honor that he would not allow us to walk out of Heilbronn, +but called up Goetz von Berlichingen's horse and cab +and made us ride. + +<p>I made a sketch of the turnout. It is not a Work, it is only +what artists call a "study"—a thing to make a finished +picture from. This sketch has several blemishes in it; +for instance, the wagon is not traveling as fast as the +horse is. This is wrong. Again, the person trying to get +out of the way is too small; he is out of perspective, +as we say. The two upper lines are not the horse's back, +they are the reigns; there seems to be a wheel +missing—this would be corrected in a finished Work, of course. +This thing flying out behind is not a flag, it is a curtain. +That other thing up there is the sun, but I didn't get +enough distance on it. I do not remember, now, what that +thing is that is in front of the man who is running, +but I think it is a haystack or a woman. This study +was exhibited in the Paris Salon of 1879, but did not +take any medal; they do not give medals for studies. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p123"></a><img alt="p123.jpg (29K)" src="images/p123.jpg" height="885" width="287"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>We discharged the carriage at the bridge. The river was +full of logs—long, slender, barkless pine logs—and we +leaned on the rails of the bridge, and watched the men put +them together into rafts. These rafts were of a shape +and construction to suit the crookedness and extreme +narrowness of the Neckar. They were from fifty to one +hundred yards long, and they gradually tapered from a +nine-log breadth at their sterns, to a three-log breadth +at their bow-ends. The main part of the steering is done +at the bow, with a pole; the three-log breadth there +furnishes room for only the steersman, for these little logs +are not larger around than an average young lady's waist. +The connections of the several sections of the raft are +slack and pliant, so that the raft may be readily bent +into any sort of curve required by the shape of the river. + +<p>The Neckar is in many places so narrow that a person +can throw a dog across it, if he has one; when it is +also sharply curved in such places, the raftsman has +to do some pretty nice snug piloting to make the turns. +The river is not always allowed to spread over its whole +bed—which is as much as thirty, and sometimes forty yards +wide—but is split into three equal bodies of water, +by stone dikes which throw the main volume, depth, and current +into the central one. In low water these neat narrow-edged +dikes project four or five inches above the surface, +like the comb of a submerged roof, but in high water +they are overflowed. A hatful of rain makes high water +in the Neckar, and a basketful produces an overflow. + +<p>There are dikes abreast the Schloss Hotel, and the current +is violently swift at that point. I used to sit for hours +in my glass cage, watching the long, narrow rafts slip +along through the central channel, grazing the right-bank +dike and aiming carefully for the middle arch of the stone +bridge below; I watched them in this way, and lost all this +time hoping to see one of them hit the bridge-pier and wreck +itself sometime or other, but was always disappointed. +One was smashed there one morning, but I had just stepped +into my room a moment to light a pipe, so I lost it. + +<p>While I was looking down upon the rafts that morning +in Heilbronn, the daredevil spirit of adventure came +suddenly upon me, and I said to my comrades: + +<p>"I am going to Heidelberg on a raft. Will you venture +with me?" + +<p>Their faces paled a little, but they assented with as +good a grace as they could. Harris wanted to cable his +mother—thought it his duty to do that, as he was all +she had in this world—so, while he attended to this, +I went down to the longest and finest raft and hailed +the captain with a hearty "Ahoy, shipmate!" which put us +upon pleasant terms at once, and we entered upon business. +I said we were on a pedestrian tour to Heidelberg, +and would like to take passage with him. I said this +partly through young Z, who spoke German very well, +and partly through Mr. X, who spoke it peculiarly. I can +UNDERSTAND German as well as the maniac that invented it, +but I TALK it best through an interpreter. + +<p>The captain hitched up his trousers, then shifted +his quid thoughtfully. Presently he said just what I +was expecting he would say—that he had no license +to carry passengers, and therefore was afraid the law +would be after him in case the matter got noised about +or any accident happened. So I CHARTERED the raft +and the crew and took all the responsibilities on myself. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p125"></a><img alt="p125.jpg (58K)" src="images/p125.jpg" height="713" width="477"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>With a rattling song the starboard watch bent to their +work and hove the cable short, then got the anchor home, +and our bark moved off with a stately stride, and soon +was bowling along at about two knots an hour. + +<p>Our party were grouped amidships. At first the talk was +a little gloomy, and ran mainly upon the shortness of life, +the uncertainty of it, the perils which beset it, and the +need and wisdom of being always prepared for the worst; +this shaded off into low-voiced references to the dangers +of the deep, and kindred matters; but as the gray east +began to redden and the mysterious solemnity and silence +of the dawn to give place to the joy-songs of the birds, +the talk took a cheerier tone, and our spirits began to +rise steadily. + +<p>Germany, in the summer, is the perfection of the beautiful, +but nobody has understood, and realized, and enjoyed +the utmost possibilities of this soft and peaceful +beauty unless he has voyaged down the Neckar on a raft. +The motion of a raft is the needful motion; it is gentle, +and gliding, and smooth, and noiseless; it calms down +all feverish activities, it soothes to sleep all nervous +hurry and impatience; under its restful influence all the +troubles and vexations and sorrows that harass the mind +vanish away, and existence becomes a dream, a charm, +a deep and tranquil ecstasy. How it contrasts with hot +and perspiring pedestrianism, and dusty and deafening +railroad rush, and tedious jolting behind tired horses +over blinding white roads! + +<p>We went slipping silently along, between the green and +fragrant banks, with a sense of pleasure and contentment +that grew, and grew, all the time. Sometimes the banks +were overhung with thick masses of willows that wholly +hid the ground behind; sometimes we had noble hills on +one hand, clothed densely with foliage to their tops, +and on the other hand open levels blazing with poppies, +or clothed in the rich blue of the corn-flower; +sometimes we drifted in the shadow of forests, and sometimes +along the margin of long stretches of velvety grass, +fresh and green and bright, a tireless charm to the eye. +And the birds!—they were everywhere; they swept back +and forth across the river constantly, and their jubilant +music was never stilled. + +<p>It was a deep and satisfying pleasure to see the sun +create the new morning, and gradually, patiently, +lovingly, clothe it on with splendor after splendor, +and glory after glory, till the miracle was complete. +How different is this marvel observed from a raft, +from what it is when one observes it through the dingy +windows of a railway-station in some wretched village +while he munches a petrified sandwich and waits for the train. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p127"></a><img alt="p127.jpg (23K)" src="images/p127.jpg" height="513" width="417"> +</center> +<br><br> +<br><br> + + +<p>[Transcriber's Note for edition 12: on the advice of two +German-speaking volunteers, the German letters a, o, and u with +umlauts have been rendered as ae, oe, and ue instead of as, +variously, :a, a", :o, o" and :u, u" as in previous editions.] + + + + +<br> +<br> + + +<center> +<table summary="" cellPadding=4 border=3> +<tr><td> + + + <a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/5782/5782-h/5782-h.htm">Previous Part</a> +</td><td> + <a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/5784/5784-h/5784-h.htm">Next Part</a> + + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + +<br><br> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's A Tramp Abroad, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD *** + +***** This file should be named 5783-h.htm or 5783-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/5/7/8/5783/ + +Produced by Anonymous Volunteers, John Greenman and David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Tramp Abroad + Part 2 + +Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +Release Date: March 1994 [EBook #5783] +Posting Date: June 3, 2009 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD *** + + + + +Produced by Anonymous Volunteers, John Greenman and David Widger + + + + + + +A TRAMP ABROAD, Part 2 + +By Mark Twain + +(Samuel L. Clemens) + +First published in 1880 + +Illustrations taken from an 1880 First Edition + + * * * * * * + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS: + + + 1. PORTRAIT OF THE AUTHOR + 2. TITIAN'S MOSES + 3. THE AUTHOR'S MEMORIES + 32. FRENCH CALM + 33. THE CHALLENGE ACCEPTED + 34. A SEARCH + 35. HE SWOONED PONDEROUSLY + 36. I ROLLED HIM OVER + 37. THE ONE I HIRED + 36. THE MARCH TO THE FIELD + 39. THE POST OF DANGER + 40. THE RECONCILIATION + 41. AN OBJECT OF ADMIRATION + 42. WAGNER + 43. RAGING + 44. ROARING + 45. SHRIEKING + 46. A CUSTOMARY THING + 47. ONE OF THE "REST" + 48. A CONTRIBUTION BOX + 49. CONSPICUOUS + 50. TAIL PIECE + 51. ONLY A SHRIEK + 52. "HE ONLY CRY" + 53. LATE COMERS CARED FOR + 54. EVIDENTLY DREAMING + 55. "TURN ON MORE RAIN" + 56. HARRIS ATTENDING THE OPERA + 57. PAINTING MY GREAT PICTURE + 58. OUR START + 59. AN UNKNOWN COSTUME + 60. THE TOWER + 61. SLOW BUT SURE + 62. THE ROBBER CHIEF + 63. AN HONEST MAN + 64. THE TOWN BY NIGHT + 65. GENERATIONS OF BAREFEET + 66. OUR BEDROOM + 67. PRACTICING + 68. PAWING AROUND + 69. A NIGHT'S WORK + 70. LEAVING HEILBRONN + 71. THE CAPTAIN + 72. WAITING FOR THE TRAIN + + + +CONTENTS: + +CHAPTER VIII The Great French Duel--Mistaken Notions--Outbreak in the +French Assembly--Calmness of M Gambetta--I Volunteer as Second--Drawing +up a Will--The Challenge and its Acceptance--Difficulty in Selection +of Weapons--Deciding on Distance--M. Gambetta's Firmness--Arranging +Details--Hiring Hearses--How it was Kept from the Press--March to the +Field--The Post of Danger--The Duel--The Result--General Rejoicings--The +only One Hurt--A Firm Resolution + +CHAPTER IX At the Theatre--German Ideal--At the Opera--The +Orchestra--Howlings and Wailings--A Curious Play--One Season of +Rest--The Wedding Chorus--Germans fond of the Opera--Funerals Needed +--A Private Party--What I Overheard--A Gentle Girl--A +Contribution--box--Unpleasantly Conspicuous + +CHAPTER X Four Hours with Wagner--A Wonderful Singer, Once--" Only a +Shriek"--An Ancient Vocalist--"He Only Cry"--Emotional Germans--A +Wise Custom--Late Comers Rebuked--Heard to the Last--No Interruptions +Allowed--A Royal Audience--An Eccentric King--Real Rain and More of +It--Immense Success--"Encore! Encore!"--Magnanimity of the King + +CHAPTER XI Lessons in Art--My Great Picture of Heidelberg Castle--Its +Effect in the Exhibition--Mistaken for a Turner--A Studio--Waiting +for Orders--A Tramp Decided On--The Start for Heilbronn--Our Walking +Dress--"Pleasant march to you"--We Take the Rail--German People on +Board--Not Understood--Speak only German and English--Wimpfen--A Funny +Tower--Dinner in the Garden--Vigorous Tramping--Ride in a Peasant's +Cart--A Famous Room + +CHAPTER XII The Rathhaus--An Old Robber Knight, Gotz Von +Berlichingen--His Famous Deeds--The Square Tower--A Curious old +Church--A Gay Turn--out--A Legend--The Wives' Treasures--A Model +Waiter--A Miracle Performed--An Old Town--The Worn Stones + +CHAPTER XIII Early to Bed--Lonesome--Nervous Excitement--The Room We +Occupied--Disturbed by a Mouse--Grow Desperate--The Old Remedy--A Shoe +Thrown--Result--Hopelessly Awake--An Attempt to Dress--A Cruise in the +Dark--Crawling on the Floor--A General Smash-up--Forty-seven Miles' +Travel + +CHAPTER XIV A Famous Turn--out--Raftsmen on the Neckar--The Log +Rafts--The Neckar--A Sudden Idea--To Heidelberg on a Raft--Chartering +a Raft--Gloomy Feelings and Conversation--Delicious Journeying--View of +the Banks--Compared with Railroading + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +The Great French Duel + +[I Second Gambetta in a Terrific Duel] + + +Much as the modern French duel is ridiculed by certain smart people, it +is in reality one of the most dangerous institutions of our day. Since +it is always fought in the open air, the combatants are nearly sure +to catch cold. M. Paul de Cassagnac, the most inveterate of the French +duelists, had suffered so often in this way that he is at last a +confirmed invalid; and the best physician in Paris has expressed +the opinion that if he goes on dueling for fifteen or twenty years +more--unless he forms the habit of fighting in a comfortable room where +damps and draughts cannot intrude--he will eventually endanger his life. +This ought to moderate the talk of those people who are so stubborn +in maintaining that the French duel is the most health-giving of +recreations because of the open-air exercise it affords. And it +ought also to moderate that foolish talk about French duelists and +socialist-hated monarchs being the only people who are immoral. + +But it is time to get at my subject. As soon as I heard of the late +fiery outbreak between M. Gambetta and M. Fourtou in the French +Assembly, I knew that trouble must follow. I knew it because a long +personal friendship with M. Gambetta revealed to me the desperate and +implacable nature of the man. Vast as are his physical proportions, +I knew that the thirst for revenge would penetrate to the remotest +frontiers of his person. + +I did not wait for him to call on me, but went at once to him. As I had +expected, I found the brave fellow steeped in a profound French calm. +I say French calm, because French calmness and English calmness have +points of difference. + + + +He was moving swiftly back and forth among the debris of his furniture, +now and then staving chance fragments of it across the room with his +foot; grinding a constant grist of curses through his set teeth; and +halting every little while to deposit another handful of his hair on the +pile which he had been building of it on the table. + +He threw his arms around my neck, bent me over his stomach to his +breast, kissed me on both cheeks, hugged me four or five times, and +then placed me in his own arm-chair. As soon as I had got well again, we +began business at once. + +I said I supposed he would wish me to act as his second, and he said, +"Of course." I said I must be allowed to act under a French name, so +that I might be shielded from obloquy in my country, in case of fatal +results. He winced here, probably at the suggestion that dueling was not +regarded with respect in America. However, he agreed to my requirement. +This accounts for the fact that in all the newspaper reports M. +Gambetta's second was apparently a Frenchman. + + + +First, we drew up my principal's will. I insisted upon this, and stuck +to my point. I said I had never heard of a man in his right mind going +out to fight a duel without first making his will. He said he had never +heard of a man in his right mind doing anything of the kind. When he had +finished the will, he wished to proceed to a choice of his "last words." +He wanted to know how the following words, as a dying exclamation, +struck me: + +"I die for my God, for my country, for freedom of speech, for progress, +and the universal brotherhood of man!" + +I objected that this would require too lingering a death; it was a good +speech for a consumptive, but not suited to the exigencies of the field +of honor. We wrangled over a good many ante-mortem outbursts, but I +finally got him to cut his obituary down to this, which he copied into +his memorandum-book, purposing to get it by heart: + +"I DIE THAT FRANCE MIGHT LIVE." + +I said that this remark seemed to lack relevancy; but he said relevancy +was a matter of no consequence in last words, what you wanted was +thrill. + +The next thing in order was the choice of weapons. My principal said he +was not feeling well, and would leave that and the other details of the +proposed meeting to me. Therefore I wrote the following note and carried +it to M. Fourtou's friend: + +Sir: M. Gambetta accepts M. Fourtou's challenge, and authorizes me to +propose Plessis-Piquet as the place of meeting; tomorrow morning at +daybreak as the time; and axes as the weapons. + +I am, sir, with great respect, + +Mark Twain. + +M. Fourtou's friend read this note, and shuddered. Then he turned to me, +and said, with a suggestion of severity in his tone: + +"Have you considered, sir, what would be the inevitable result of such a +meeting as this?" + +"Well, for instance, what WOULD it be?" + +"Bloodshed!" + +"That's about the size of it," I said. "Now, if it is a fair question, +what was your side proposing to shed?" + +I had him there. He saw he had made a blunder, so he hastened to explain +it away. He said he had spoken jestingly. Then he added that he and his +principal would enjoy axes, and indeed prefer them, but such weapons +were barred by the French code, and so I must change my proposal. + +I walked the floor, turning the thing over in my mind, and finally it +occurred to me that Gatling-guns at fifteen paces would be a likely way +to get a verdict on the field of honor. So I framed this idea into a +proposition. + +But it was not accepted. The code was in the way again. I proposed +rifles; then double-barreled shotguns; then Colt's navy revolvers. These +being all rejected, I reflected awhile, and sarcastically suggested +brickbats at three-quarters of a mile. I always hate to fool away a +humorous thing on a person who has no perception of humor; and it filled +me with bitterness when this man went soberly away to submit the last +proposition to his principal. + +He came back presently and said his principal was charmed with the idea +of brickbats at three-quarters of a mile, but must decline on account of +the danger to disinterested parties passing between them. Then I said: + +"Well, I am at the end of my string, now. Perhaps YOU would be good +enough to suggest a weapon? Perhaps you have even had one in your mind +all the time?" + +His countenance brightened, and he said with alacrity: + +"Oh, without doubt, monsieur!" + + + +So he fell to hunting in his pockets--pocket after pocket, and he had +plenty of them--muttering all the while, "Now, what could I have done +with them?" + +At last he was successful. He fished out of his vest pocket a couple +of little things which I carried to the light and ascertained to be +pistols. They were single-barreled and silver-mounted, and very dainty +and pretty. I was not able to speak for emotion. I silently hung one of +them on my watch-chain, and returned the other. My companion in crime +now unrolled a postage-stamp containing several cartridges, and gave me +one of them. I asked if he meant to signify by this that our men were +to be allowed but one shot apiece. He replied that the French code +permitted no more. I then begged him to go and suggest a distance, for +my mind was growing weak and confused under the strain which had been +put upon it. He named sixty-five yards. I nearly lost my patience. I +said: + +"Sixty-five yards, with these instruments? Squirt-guns would be deadlier +at fifty. Consider, my friend, you and I are banded together to destroy +life, not make it eternal." + +But with all my persuasions, all my arguments, I was only able to +get him to reduce the distance to thirty-five yards; and even this +concession he made with reluctance, and said with a sigh, "I wash my +hands of this slaughter; on your head be it." + +There was nothing for me but to go home to my old lion-heart and tell my +humiliating story. When I entered, M. Gambetta was laying his last lock +of hair upon the altar. He sprang toward me, exclaiming: + +"You have made the fatal arrangements--I see it in your eye!" + +"I have." + +His face paled a trifle, and he leaned upon the table for support. He +breathed thick and heavily for a moment or two, so tumultuous were his +feelings; then he hoarsely whispered: + +"The weapon, the weapon! Quick! what is the weapon?" + +"This!" and I displayed that silver-mounted thing. He cast but one +glance at it, then swooned ponderously to the floor. + + + +When he came to, he said mournfully: + +"The unnatural calm to which I have subjected myself has told upon my +nerves. But away with weakness! I will confront my fate like a man and a +Frenchman." + +He rose to his feet, and assumed an attitude which for sublimity has +never been approached by man, and has seldom been surpassed by statues. +Then he said, in his deep bass tones: + +"Behold, I am calm, I am ready; reveal to me the distance." + +"Thirty-five yards." ... + + + +I could not lift him up, of course; but I rolled him over, and poured +water down his back. He presently came to, and said: + +"Thirty-five yards--without a rest? But why ask? Since murder was that +man's intention, why should he palter with small details? But mark you +one thing: in my fall the world shall see how the chivalry of France +meets death." + +After a long silence he asked: + +"Was nothing said about that man's family standing up with him, as +an offset to my bulk? But no matter; I would not stoop to make such +a suggestion; if he is not noble enough to suggest it himself, he is +welcome to this advantage, which no honorable man would take." + +He now sank into a sort of stupor of reflection, which lasted some +minutes; after which he broke silence with: + +"The hour--what is the hour fixed for the collision?" + +"Dawn, tomorrow." + +He seemed greatly surprised, and immediately said: + +"Insanity! I never heard of such a thing. Nobody is abroad at such an +hour." + +"That is the reason I named it. Do you mean to say you want an +audience?" + +"It is no time to bandy words. I am astonished that M. Fourtou should +ever have agreed to so strange an innovation. Go at once and require a +later hour." + +I ran downstairs, threw open the front door, and almost plunged into the +arms of M. Fourtou's second. He said: + +"I have the honor to say that my principal strenuously objects to the +hour chosen, and begs you will consent to change it to half past nine." + +"Any courtesy, sir, which it is in our power to extend is at the service +of your excellent principal. We agree to the proposed change of time." + +"I beg you to accept the thanks of my client." Then he turned to a +person behind him, and said, "You hear, M. Noir, the hour is altered to +half past nine." Whereupon M. Noir bowed, expressed his thanks, and went +away. My accomplice continued: + +"If agreeable to you, your chief surgeons and ours shall proceed to the +field in the same carriage as is customary." + +"It is entirely agreeable to me, and I am obliged to you for mentioning +the surgeons, for I am afraid I should not have thought of them. How +many shall I want? I supposed two or three will be enough?" + +"Two is the customary number for each party. I refer to 'chief' +surgeons; but considering the exalted positions occupied by our clients, +it will be well and decorous that each of us appoint several consulting +surgeons, from among the highest in the profession. These will come in +their own private carriages. Have you engaged a hearse?" + + + +"Bless my stupidity, I never thought of it! I will attend to it right +away. I must seem very ignorant to you; but you must try to overlook +that, because I have never had any experience of such a swell duel as +this before. I have had a good deal to do with duels on the Pacific +coast, but I see now that they were crude affairs. A hearse--sho! we +used to leave the elected lying around loose, and let anybody cord +them up and cart them off that wanted to. Have you anything further to +suggest?" + +"Nothing, except that the head undertakers shall ride together, as is +usual. The subordinates and mutes will go on foot, as is also usual. I +will see you at eight o'clock in the morning, and we will then arrange +the order of the procession. I have the honor to bid you a good day." + +I returned to my client, who said, "Very well; at what hour is the +engagement to begin?" + +"Half past nine." + +"Very good indeed. Have you sent the fact to the newspapers?" + +"SIR! If after our long and intimate friendship you can for a moment +deem me capable of so base a treachery--" + +"Tut, tut! What words are these, my dear friend? Have I wounded you? Ah, +forgive me; I am overloading you with labor. Therefore go on with the +other details, and drop this one from your list. The bloody-minded +Fourtou will be sure to attend to it. Or I myself--yes, to make certain, +I will drop a note to my journalistic friend, M. Noir--" + +"Oh, come to think of it, you may save yourself the trouble; that other +second has informed M. Noir." + +"H'm! I might have known it. It is just like that Fourtou, who always +wants to make a display." + + + +At half past nine in the morning the procession approached the field of +Plessis-Piquet in the following order: first came our carriage--nobody +in it but M. Gambetta and myself; then a carriage containing M. Fourtou +and his second; then a carriage containing two poet-orators who did not +believe in God, and these had MS. funeral orations projecting from their +breast pockets; then a carriage containing the head surgeons and their +cases of instruments; then eight private carriages containing consulting +surgeons; then a hack containing a coroner; then the two hearses; then a +carriage containing the head undertakers; then a train of assistants +and mutes on foot; and after these came plodding through the fog a long +procession of camp followers, police, and citizens generally. It was a +noble turnout, and would have made a fine display if we had had thinner +weather. + +There was no conversation. I spoke several times to my principal, but +I judge he was not aware of it, for he always referred to his note-book +and muttered absently, "I die that France might live." + +Arrived on the field, my fellow-second and I paced off the thirty-five +yards, and then drew lots for choice of position. This latter was but +an ornamental ceremony, for all the choices were alike in such weather. +These preliminaries being ended, I went to my principal and asked him +if he was ready. He spread himself out to his full width, and said in a +stern voice, "Ready! Let the batteries be charged." + +The loading process was done in the presence of duly constituted +witnesses. We considered it best to perform this delicate service with +the assistance of a lantern, on account of the state of the weather. We +now placed our men. + +At this point the police noticed that the public had massed themselves +together on the right and left of the field; they therefore begged a +delay, while they should put these poor people in a place of safety. + +The request was granted. + +The police having ordered the two multitudes to take positions behind +the duelists, we were once more ready. The weather growing still more +opaque, it was agreed between myself and the other second that before +giving the fatal signal we should each deliver a loud whoop to enable +the combatants to ascertain each other's whereabouts. + +I now returned to my principal, and was distressed to observe that he +had lost a good deal of his spirit. I tried my best to hearten him. I +said, "Indeed, sir, things are not as bad as they seem. Considering +the character of the weapons, the limited number of shots allowed, the +generous distance, the impenetrable solidity of the fog, and the added +fact that one of the combatants is one-eyed and the other cross-eyed and +near-sighted, it seems to me that this conflict need not necessarily be +fatal. There are chances that both of you may survive. Therefore, cheer +up; do not be downhearted." + +This speech had so good an effect that my principal immediately +stretched forth his hand and said, "I am myself again; give me the +weapon." + +I laid it, all lonely and forlorn, in the center of the vast solitude +of his palm. He gazed at it and shuddered. And still mournfully +contemplating it, he murmured in a broken voice: + +"Alas, it is not death I dread, but mutilation." + +I heartened him once more, and with such success that he presently +said, "Let the tragedy begin. Stand at my back; do not desert me in this +solemn hour, my friend." + +I gave him my promise. I now assisted him to point his pistol toward the +spot where I judged his adversary to be standing, and cautioned him to +listen well and further guide himself by my fellow-second's whoop. +Then I propped myself against M. Gambetta's back, and raised a rousing +"Whoop-ee!" This was answered from out the far distances of the fog, and +I immediately shouted: + +"One--two--three--FIRE!" + +Two little sounds like SPIT! SPIT! broke upon my ear, and in the same +instant I was crushed to the earth under a mountain of flesh. Bruised +as I was, I was still able to catch a faint accent from above, to this +effect: + + + +"I die for... for ... perdition take it, what IS it I die for? ... oh, +yes--FRANCE! I die that France may live!" + +The surgeons swarmed around with their probes in their hands, and +applied their microscopes to the whole area of M. Gambetta's person, +with the happy result of finding nothing in the nature of a wound. Then +a scene ensued which was in every way gratifying and inspiriting. + +The two gladiators fell upon each other's neck, with floods of proud and +happy tears; that other second embraced me; the surgeons, the +orators, the undertakers, the police, everybody embraced, everybody +congratulated, everybody cried, and the whole atmosphere was filled with +praise and with joy unspeakable. + +It seems to me then that I would rather be a hero of a French duel than +a crowned and sceptered monarch. + + + +When the commotion had somewhat subsided, the body of surgeons held a +consultation, and after a good deal of debate decided that with proper +care and nursing there was reason to believe that I would survive my +injuries. My internal hurts were deemed the most serious, since it was +apparent that a broken rib had penetrated my left lung, and that many of +my organs had been pressed out so far to one side or the other of where +they belonged, that it was doubtful if they would ever learn to perform +their functions in such remote and unaccustomed localities. They then +set my left arm in two places, pulled my right hip into its socket +again, and re-elevated my nose. I was an object of great interest, +and even admiration; and many sincere and warm-hearted persons had +themselves introduced to me, and said they were proud to know the only +man who had been hurt in a French duel in forty years. + +I was placed in an ambulance at the very head of the procession; +and thus with gratifying 'ECLAT I was marched into Paris, the most +conspicuous figure in that great spectacle, and deposited at the +hospital. + + + +The cross of the Legion of Honor has been conferred upon me. However, +few escape that distinction. + +Such is the true version of the most memorable private conflict of the +age. + +I have no complaints to make against any one. I acted for myself, and I +can stand the consequences. + +Without boasting, I think I may say I am not afraid to stand before a +modern French duelist, but as long as I keep in my right mind I will +never consent to stand behind one again. + + + +CHAPTER IX + +[What the Beautiful Maiden Said] + + +One day we took the train and went down to Mannheim to see "King Lear" +played in German. It was a mistake. We sat in our seats three whole +hours and never understood anything but the thunder and lightning; and +even that was reversed to suit German ideas, for the thunder came first +and the lightning followed after. + +The behavior of the audience was perfect. There were no rustlings, or +whisperings, or other little disturbances; each act was listened to in +silence, and the applauding was done after the curtain was down. The +doors opened at half past four, the play began promptly at half past +five, and within two minutes afterward all who were coming were in their +seats, and quiet reigned. A German gentleman in the train had said that +a Shakespearian play was an appreciated treat in Germany and that +we should find the house filled. It was true; all the six tiers were +filled, and remained so to the end--which suggested that it is not only +balcony people who like Shakespeare in Germany, but those of the pit and +gallery, too. + +Another time, we went to Mannheim and attended a shivaree--otherwise an +opera--the one called "Lohengrin." The banging and slamming and booming +and crashing were something beyond belief. The racking and pitiless pain +of it remains stored up in my memory alongside the memory of the time +that I had my teeth fixed. + + + +There were circumstances which made it necessary for me to stay through +the four hours to the end, and I stayed; but the recollection of that +long, dragging, relentless season of suffering is indestructible. To +have to endure it in silence, and sitting still, made it all the harder. +I was in a railed compartment with eight or ten strangers, of the two +sexes, and this compelled repression; yet at times the pain was so +exquisite that I could hardly keep the tears back. + + + +At those times, as the howlings and wailings and shrieking of the +singers, and the ragings and roarings and explosions of the vast +orchestra rose higher and higher, and wilder and wilder, and fiercer and +fiercer, I could have cried if I had been alone. Those strangers would +not have been surprised to see a man do such a thing who was being +gradually skinned, but they would have marveled at it here, and made +remarks about it no doubt, whereas there was nothing in the present case +which was an advantage over being skinned. + + + +There was a wait of half an hour at the end of the first act, and I +could have gone out and rested during that time, but I could not trust +myself to do it, for I felt that I should desert to stay out. There was +another wait of half an hour toward nine o'clock, but I had gone through +so much by that time that I had no spirit left, and so had no desire but +to be let alone. + + + +I do not wish to suggest that the rest of the people there were like +me, for, indeed, they were not. Whether it was that they naturally +liked that noise, or whether it was that they had learned to like it +by getting used to it, I did not at the time know; but they did like +it--this was plain enough. While it was going on they sat and looked as +rapt and grateful as cats do when one strokes their backs; and whenever +the curtain fell they rose to their feet, in one solid mighty multitude, +and the air was snowed thick with waving handkerchiefs, and hurricanes +of applause swept the place. This was not comprehensible to me. Of +course, there were many people there who were not under compulsion to +stay; yet the tiers were as full at the close as they had been at the +beginning. This showed that the people liked it. + +It was a curious sort of a play. In the manner of costumes and scenery +it was fine and showy enough; but there was not much action. That is +to say, there was not much really done, it was only talked about; and +always violently. It was what one might call a narrative play. Everybody +had a narrative and a grievance, and none were reasonable about it, but +all in an offensive and ungovernable state. There was little of that +sort of customary thing where the tenor and the soprano stand down by +the footlights, warbling, with blended voices, and keep holding out +their arms toward each other and drawing them back and spreading both +hands over first one breast and then the other with a shake and a +pressure--no, it was every rioter for himself and no blending. Each sang +his indictive narrative in turn, accompanied by the whole orchestra of +sixty instruments, and when this had continued for some time, and one +was hoping they might come to an understanding and modify the noise, a +great chorus composed entirely of maniacs would suddenly break forth, +and then during two minutes, and sometimes three, I lived over again all +that I suffered the time the orphan asylum burned down. + + + +We only had one brief little season of heaven and heaven's sweet ecstasy +and peace during all this long and diligent and acrimonious reproduction +of the other place. This was while a gorgeous procession of people +marched around and around, in the third act, and sang the Wedding +Chorus. To my untutored ear that was music--almost divine music. While +my seared soul was steeped in the healing balm of those gracious sounds, +it seemed to me that I could almost resuffer the torments which had +gone before, in order to be so healed again. There is where the deep +ingenuity of the operatic idea is betrayed. It deals so largely in pain +that its scattered delights are prodigiously augmented by the contrasts. +A pretty air in an opera is prettier there than it could be anywhere +else, I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he +would elsewhere. + +I have since found out that there is nothing the Germans like so much as +an opera. They like it, not in a mild and moderate way, but with their +whole hearts. This is a legitimate result of habit and education. Our +nation will like the opera, too, by and by, no doubt. One in fifty of +those who attend our operas likes it already, perhaps, but I think a +good many of the other forty-nine go in order to learn to like it, and +the rest in order to be able to talk knowingly about it. The latter +usually hum the airs while they are being sung, so that their neighbors +may perceive that they have been to operas before. The funerals of these +do not occur often enough. + + + +A gentle, old-maidish person and a sweet young girl of seventeen sat +right in front of us that night at the Mannheim opera. These people +talked, between the acts, and I understood them, though I understood +nothing that was uttered on the distant stage. At first they were +guarded in their talk, but after they had heard my agent and me +conversing in English they dropped their reserve and I picked up many +of their little confidences; no, I mean many of HER little +confidences--meaning the elder party--for the young girl only listened, +and gave assenting nods, but never said a word. How pretty she was, +and how sweet she was! I wished she would speak. But evidently she was +absorbed in her own thoughts, her own young-girl dreams, and found a +dearer pleasure in silence. But she was not dreaming sleepy dreams--no, +she was awake, alive, alert, she could not sit still a moment. She was +an enchanting study. Her gown was of a soft white silky stuff that clung +to her round young figure like a fish's skin, and it was rippled over +with the gracefulest little fringy films of lace; she had deep, tender +eyes, with long, curved lashes; and she had peachy cheeks, and a +dimpled chin, and such a dear little rosebud of a mouth; and she was so +dovelike, so pure, and so gracious, so sweet and so bewitching. For long +hours I did mightily wish she would speak. And at last she did; the red +lips parted, and out leaps her thought--and with such a guileless and +pretty enthusiasm, too: "Auntie, I just KNOW I've got five hundred fleas +on me!" + +That was probably over the average. Yes, it must have been very much +over the average. The average at that time in the Grand Duchy of Baden +was forty-five to a young person (when alone), according to the official +estimate of the home secretary for that year; the average for older +people was shifty and indeterminable, for whenever a wholesome young +girl came into the presence of her elders she immediately lowered their +average and raised her own. She became a sort of contribution-box. + + + +This dear young thing in the theater had been sitting there +unconsciously taking up a collection. Many a skinny old being in our +neighborhood was the happier and the restfuler for her coming. + +In that large audience, that night, there were eight very conspicuous +people. These were ladies who had their hats or bonnets on. What a +blessed thing it would be if a lady could make herself conspicuous in +our theaters by wearing her hat. + + + +It is not usual in Europe to allow ladies and gentlemen to take bonnets, +hats, overcoats, canes, or umbrellas into the auditorium, but in +Mannheim this rule was not enforced because the audiences were largely +made up of people from a distance, and among these were always a few +timid ladies who were afraid that if they had to go into an anteroom to +get their things when the play was over, they would miss their train. +But the great mass of those who came from a distance always ran the risk +and took the chances, preferring the loss of a train to a breach of good +manners and the discomfort of being unpleasantly conspicuous during a +stretch of three or four hours. + + + +CHAPTER X + +[How Wagner Operas Bang Along] + + +Three or four hours. That is a long time to sit in one place, whether +one be conspicuous or not, yet some of Wagner's operas bang along for +six whole hours on a stretch! But the people sit there and enjoy it all, +and wish it would last longer. A German lady in Munich told me that a +person could not like Wagner's music at first, but must go through the +deliberate process of learning to like it--then he would have his sure +reward; for when he had learned to like it he would hunger for it and +never be able to get enough of it. She said that six hours of Wagner was +by no means too much. She said that this composer had made a complete +revolution in music and was burying the old masters one by one. And +she said that Wagner's operas differed from all others in one notable +respect, and that was that they were not merely spotted with music here +and there, but were ALL music, from the first strain to the last. This +surprised me. I said I had attended one of his insurrections, and found +hardly ANY music in it except the Wedding Chorus. She said "Lohengrin" +was noisier than Wagner's other operas, but that if I would keep on +going to see it I would find by and by that it was all music, and +therefore would then enjoy it. I COULD have said, "But would you advise +a person to deliberately practice having a toothache in the pit of his +stomach for a couple of years in order that he might then come to enjoy +it?" But I reserved that remark. + +This lady was full of the praises of the head-tenor who had performed in +a Wagner opera the night before, and went on to enlarge upon his old and +prodigious fame, and how many honors had been lavished upon him by the +princely houses of Germany. Here was another surprise. I had attended +that very opera, in the person of my agent, and had made close and +accurate observations. So I said: + +"Why, madam, MY experience warrants me in stating that that tenor's +voice is not a voice at all, but only a shriek--the shriek of a hyena." + + + +"That is very true," she said; "he cannot sing now; it is already many +years that he has lost his voice, but in other times he sang, yes, +divinely! So whenever he comes now, you shall see, yes, that the theater +will not hold the people. JAWOHL BEI GOTT! his voice is WUNDERSCHOEN in +that past time." + +I said she was discovering to me a kindly trait in the Germans which +was worth emulating. I said that over the water we were not quite so +generous; that with us, when a singer had lost his voice and a jumper +had lost his legs, these parties ceased to draw. I said I had been to +the opera in Hanover, once, and in Mannheim once, and in Munich +(through my authorized agent) once, and this large experience had nearly +persuaded me that the Germans PREFERRED singers who couldn't sing. This +was not such a very extravagant speech, either, for that burly Mannheim +tenor's praises had been the talk of all Heidelberg for a week before +his performance took place--yet his voice was like the distressing noise +which a nail makes when you screech it across a window-pane. I said so +to Heidelberg friends the next day, and they said, in the calmest and +simplest way, that that was very true, but that in earlier times his +voice HAD been wonderfully fine. And the tenor in Hanover was just +another example of this sort. The English-speaking German gentleman who +went with me to the opera there was brimming with enthusiasm over that +tenor. He said: + +"ACH GOTT! a great man! You shall see him. He is so celebrate in all +Germany--and he has a pension, yes, from the government. He not obliged +to sing now, only twice every year; but if he not sing twice each year +they take him his pension away." + +Very well, we went. When the renowned old tenor appeared, I got a nudge +and an excited whisper: + +"Now you see him!" + +But the "celebrate" was an astonishing disappointment to me. If he +had been behind a screen I should have supposed they were performing a +surgical operation on him. I looked at my friend--to my great surprise +he seemed intoxicated with pleasure, his eyes were dancing with eager +delight. When the curtain at last fell, he burst into the stormiest +applause, and kept it up--as did the whole house--until the afflictive +tenor had come three times before the curtain to make his bow. While the +glowing enthusiast was swabbing the perspiration from his face, I said: + +"I don't mean the least harm, but really, now, do you think he can +sing?" + +"Him? NO! GOTT IM HIMMEL, ABER, how he has been able to sing twenty-five +years ago?" [Then pensively.] "ACH, no, NOW he not sing any more, he +only cry. When he think he sing, now, he not sing at all, no, he only +make like a cat which is unwell." + + + +Where and how did we get the idea that the Germans are a stolid, +phlegmatic race? In truth, they are widely removed from that. They are +warm-hearted, emotional, impulsive, enthusiastic, their tears come at +the mildest touch, and it is not hard to move them to laughter. They are +the very children of impulse. We are cold and self-contained, compared +to the Germans. They hug and kiss and cry and shout and dance and sing; +and where we use one loving, petting expression, they pour out a score. +Their language is full of endearing diminutives; nothing that they love +escapes the application of a petting diminutive--neither the house, nor +the dog, nor the horse, nor the grandmother, nor any other creature, +animate or inanimate. + +In the theaters at Hanover, Hamburg, and Mannheim, they had a wise +custom. The moment the curtain went up, the light in the body of the +house went down. The audience sat in the cool gloom of a deep twilight, +which greatly enhanced the glowing splendors of the stage. It saved gas, +too, and people were not sweated to death. + +When I saw "King Lear" played, nobody was allowed to see a scene +shifted; if there was nothing to be done but slide a forest out of the +way and expose a temple beyond, one did not see that forest split itself +in the middle and go shrieking away, with the accompanying disenchanting +spectacle of the hands and heels of the impelling impulse--no, the +curtain was always dropped for an instant--one heard not the least +movement behind it--but when it went up, the next instant, the forest +was gone. Even when the stage was being entirely reset, one heard no +noise. During the whole time that "King Lear" was playing the curtain +was never down two minutes at any one time. The orchestra played until +the curtain was ready to go up for the first time, then they departed +for the evening. Where the stage waits never reach two minutes there is +no occasion for music. I had never seen this two-minute business between +acts but once before, and that was when the "Shaughraun" was played at +Wallack's. + +I was at a concert in Munich one night, the people were streaming in, +the clock-hand pointed to seven, the music struck up, and instantly +all movement in the body of the house ceased--nobody was standing, or +walking up the aisles, or fumbling with a seat, the stream of incomers +had suddenly dried up at its source. I listened undisturbed to a piece +of music that was fifteen minutes long--always expecting some tardy +ticket-holders to come crowding past my knees, and being continuously +and pleasantly disappointed--but when the last note was struck, here +came the stream again. You see, they had made those late comers wait in +the comfortable waiting-parlor from the time the music had begun until +it was ended. + + + +It was the first time I had ever seen this sort of criminals denied the +privilege of destroying the comfort of a house full of their betters. +Some of these were pretty fine birds, but no matter, they had to tarry +outside in the long parlor under the inspection of a double rank of +liveried footmen and waiting-maids who supported the two walls with +their backs and held the wraps and traps of their masters and mistresses +on their arms. + +We had no footmen to hold our things, and it was not permissible to take +them into the concert-room; but there were some men and women to take +charge of them for us. They gave us checks for them and charged a fixed +price, payable in advance--five cents. + +In Germany they always hear one thing at an opera which has never yet +been heard in America, perhaps--I mean the closing strain of a fine solo +or duet. We always smash into it with an earthquake of applause. The +result is that we rob ourselves of the sweetest part of the treat; we +get the whiskey, but we don't get the sugar in the bottom of the glass. + +Our way of scattering applause along through an act seems to me to be +better than the Mannheim way of saving it all up till the act is ended. +I do not see how an actor can forget himself and portray hot passion +before a cold still audience. I should think he would feel foolish. It +is a pain to me to this day, to remember how that old German Lear raged +and wept and howled around the stage, with never a response from that +hushed house, never a single outburst till the act was ended. To +me there was something unspeakably uncomfortable in the solemn dead +silences that always followed this old person's tremendous outpourings +of his feelings. I could not help putting myself in his place--I thought +I knew how sick and flat he felt during those silences, because I +remembered a case which came under my observation once, and which--but I +will tell the incident: + +One evening on board a Mississippi steamboat, a boy of ten years lay +asleep in a berth--a long, slim-legged boy, he was, encased in quite +a short shirt; it was the first time he had ever made a trip on a +steamboat, and so he was troubled, and scared, and had gone to bed +with his head filled with impending snaggings, and explosions, and +conflagrations, and sudden death. About ten o'clock some twenty ladies +were sitting around about the ladies' saloon, quietly reading, sewing, +embroidering, and so on, and among them sat a sweet, benignant old dame +with round spectacles on her nose and her busy knitting-needles in her +hands. Now all of a sudden, into the midst of this peaceful scene burst +that slim-shanked boy in the brief shirt, wild-eyed, erect-haired, and +shouting, "Fire, fire! JUMP AND RUN, THE BOAT'S AFIRE AND THERE AIN'T A +MINUTE TO LOSE!" All those ladies looked sweetly up and smiled, nobody +stirred, the old lady pulled her spectacles down, looked over them, and +said, gently: + +"But you mustn't catch cold, child. Run and put on your breastpin, and +then come and tell us all about it." + +It was a cruel chill to give to a poor little devil's gushing vehemence. +He was expecting to be a sort of hero--the creator of a wild panic--and +here everybody sat and smiled a mocking smile, and an old woman made fun +of his bugbear. I turned and crept away--for I was that boy--and never +even cared to discover whether I had dreamed the fire or actually seen +it. + + + +I am told that in a German concert or opera, they hardly ever encore +a song; that though they may be dying to hear it again, their good +breeding usually preserves them against requiring the repetition. + +Kings may encore; that is quite another matter; it delights everybody to +see that the King is pleased; and as to the actor encored, his pride and +gratification are simply boundless. Still, there are circumstances in +which even a royal encore-- + +But it is better to illustrate. The King of Bavaria is a poet, and has a +poet's eccentricities--with the advantage over all other poets of being +able to gratify them, no matter what form they may take. He is fond +of opera, but not fond of sitting in the presence of an audience; +therefore, it has sometimes occurred, in Munich, that when an opera has +been concluded and the players were getting off their paint and finery, +a command has come to them to get their paint and finery on again. +Presently the King would arrive, solitary and alone, and the players +would begin at the beginning and do the entire opera over again with +only that one individual in the vast solemn theater for audience. Once +he took an odd freak into his head. High up and out of sight, over +the prodigious stage of the court theater is a maze of interlacing +water-pipes, so pierced that in case of fire, innumerable little +thread-like streams of water can be caused to descend; and in case +of need, this discharge can be augmented to a pouring flood. American +managers might want to make a note of that. The King was sole audience. +The opera proceeded, it was a piece with a storm in it; the mimic +thunder began to mutter, the mimic wind began to wail and sough, and +the mimic rain to patter. The King's interest rose higher and higher; it +developed into enthusiasm. He cried out: + +"It is very, very good, indeed! But I will have real rain! Turn on the +water!" + +The manager pleaded for a reversal of the command; said it would ruin +the costly scenery and the splendid costumes, but the King cried: + +"No matter, no matter, I will have real rain! Turn on the water!" + +So the real rain was turned on and began to descend in gossamer lances +to the mimic flower-beds and gravel walks of the stage. The richly +dressed actresses and actors tripped about singing bravely and +pretending not to mind it. The King was delighted--his enthusiasm grew +higher. He cried out: + +"Bravo, bravo! More thunder! more lightning! turn on more rain!" + + + +The thunder boomed, the lightning glared, the storm-winds raged, the +deluge poured down. The mimic royalty on the stage, with their soaked +satins clinging to their bodies, slopped about ankle-deep in water, +warbling their sweetest and best, the fiddlers under the eaves of the +stage sawed away for dear life, with the cold overflow spouting down the +backs of their necks, and the dry and happy King sat in his lofty box +and wore his gloves to ribbons applauding. + +"More yet!" cried the King; "more yet--let loose all the thunder, turn +on all the water! I will hang the man that raises an umbrella!" + +When this most tremendous and effective storm that had ever been +produced in any theater was at last over, the King's approbation was +measureless. He cried: + +"Magnificent, magnificent! ENCORE! Do it again!" + +But the manager succeeded in persuading him to recall the encore, and +said the company would feel sufficiently rewarded and complimented +in the mere fact that the encore was desired by his Majesty, without +fatiguing him with a repetition to gratify their own vanity. + +During the remainder of the act the lucky performers were those whose +parts required changes of dress; the others were a soaked, bedraggled, +and uncomfortable lot, but in the last degree picturesque. The stage +scenery was ruined, trap-doors were so swollen that they wouldn't work +for a week afterward, the fine costumes were spoiled, and no end of +minor damages were done by that remarkable storm. + +It was a royal idea--that storm--and royally carried out. But observe +the moderation of the King; he did not insist upon his encore. If he had +been a gladsome, unreflecting American opera-audience, he probably would +have had his storm repeated and repeated until he drowned all those +people. + + + +CHAPTER XI + +[I Paint a "Turner"] + + +The summer days passed pleasantly in Heidelberg. We had a skilled +trainer, and under his instructions we were getting our legs in the +right condition for the contemplated pedestrian tours; we were well +satisfied with the progress which we had made in the German language, +[1. See Appendix D for information concerning this fearful tongue.] and +more than satisfied with what we had accomplished in art. We had had the +best instructors in drawing and painting in Germany--Haemmerling, Vogel, +Mueller, Dietz, and Schumann. Haemmerling taught us landscape-painting. +Vogel taught us figure-drawing, Mueller taught us to do still-life, +and Dietz and Schumann gave us a finishing course in two +specialties--battle-pieces and shipwrecks. Whatever I am in Art I owe to +these men. I have something of the manner of each and all of them; +but they all said that I had also a manner of my own, and that it +was conspicuous. They said there was a marked individuality about my +style--insomuch that if I ever painted the commonest type of a dog, I +should be sure to throw a something into the aspect of that dog which +would keep him from being mistaken for the creation of any other artist. +Secretly I wanted to believe all these kind sayings, but I could not; I +was afraid that my masters' partiality for me, and pride in me, biased +their judgment. So I resolved to make a test. Privately, and unknown to +any one, I painted my great picture, "Heidelberg Castle Illuminated"--my +first really important work in oils--and had it hung up in the midst +of a wilderness of oil-pictures in the Art Exhibition, with no name +attached to it. To my great gratification it was instantly recognized +as mine. All the town flocked to see it, and people even came from +neighboring localities to visit it. It made more stir than any other +work in the Exhibition. But the most gratifying thing of all was, that +chance strangers, passing through, who had not heard of my picture, were +not only drawn to it, as by a lodestone, the moment they entered the +gallery, but always took it for a "Turner." + + + +Apparently nobody had ever done that. There were ruined castles on the +overhanging cliffs and crags all the way; these were said to have their +legends, like those on the Rhine, and what was better still, they had +never been in print. There was nothing in the books about that lovely +region; it had been neglected by the tourist, it was virgin soil for the +literary pioneer. + +Meantime the knapsacks, the rough walking-suits and the stout +walking-shoes which we had ordered, were finished and brought to us. +A Mr. X and a young Mr. Z had agreed to go with us. We went around one +evening and bade good-by to our friends, and afterward had a little +farewell banquet at the hotel. We got to bed early, for we wanted to +make an early start, so as to take advantage of the cool of the morning. + +We were out of bed at break of day, feeling fresh and vigorous, and took +a hearty breakfast, then plunged down through the leafy arcades of the +Castle grounds, toward the town. What a glorious summer morning it was, +and how the flowers did pour out their fragrance, and how the birds did +sing! It was just the time for a tramp through the woods and mountains. + + + +We were all dressed alike: broad slouch hats, to keep the sun off; gray +knapsacks; blue army shirts; blue overalls; leathern gaiters buttoned +tight from knee down to ankle; high-quarter coarse shoes snugly laced. +Each man had an opera-glass, a canteen, and a guide-book case slung over +his shoulder, and carried an alpenstock in one hand and a sun-umbrella +in the other. Around our hats were wound many folds of soft white +muslin, with the ends hanging and flapping down our backs--an idea +brought from the Orient and used by tourists all over Europe. Harris +carried the little watch-like machine called a "pedometer," whose +office is to keep count of a man's steps and tell how far he has walked. +Everybody stopped to admire our costumes and give us a hearty "Pleasant +march to you!" + + + +When we got downtown I found that we could go by rail to within five +miles of Heilbronn. The train was just starting, so we jumped aboard and +went tearing away in splendid spirits. It was agreed all around that we +had done wisely, because it would be just as enjoyable to walk DOWN the +Neckar as up it, and it could not be needful to walk both ways. There +were some nice German people in our compartment. I got to talking some +pretty private matters presently, and Harris became nervous; so he +nudged me and said: + +"Speak in German--these Germans may understand English." + +I did so, it was well I did; for it turned out that there was not a +German in that party who did not understand English perfectly. It is +curious how widespread our language is in Germany. After a while some of +those folks got out and a German gentleman and his two young daughters +got in. I spoke in German of one of the latter several times, but +without result. Finally she said: + +"ICH VERSTEHE NUR DEUTCH UND ENGLISHE,"--or words to that effect. That +is, "I don't understand any language but German and English." + +And sure enough, not only she but her father and sister spoke English. +So after that we had all the talk we wanted; and we wanted a good deal, +for they were agreeable people. They were greatly interested in our +customs; especially the alpenstocks, for they had not seen any before. +They said that the Neckar road was perfectly level, so we must be going +to Switzerland or some other rugged country; and asked us if we did not +find the walking pretty fatiguing in such warm weather. But we said no. + +We reached Wimpfen--I think it was Wimpfen--in about three hours, and +got out, not the least tired; found a good hotel and ordered beer and +dinner--then took a stroll through the venerable old village. It was +very picturesque and tumble-down, and dirty and interesting. It had +queer houses five hundred years old in it, and a military tower 115 feet +high, which had stood there more than ten centuries. I made a little +sketch of it. I kept a copy, but gave the original to the Burgomaster. + + + +I think the original was better than the copy, because it had more +windows in it and the grass stood up better and had a brisker look. +There was none around the tower, though; I composed the grass myself, +from studies I made in a field by Heidelberg in Haemmerling's time. The +man on top, looking at the view, is apparently too large, but I found +he could not be made smaller, conveniently. I wanted him there, and I +wanted him visible, so I thought out a way to manage it; I composed the +picture from two points of view; the spectator is to observe the man +from bout where that flag is, and he must observe the tower itself from +the ground. This harmonizes the seeming discrepancy. [Figure 2] + +Near an old cathedral, under a shed, were three crosses of stone--moldy +and damaged things, bearing life-size stone figures. The two thieves +were dressed in the fanciful court costumes of the middle of the +sixteenth century, while the Saviour was nude, with the exception of a +cloth around the loins. + +We had dinner under the green trees in a garden belonging to the hotel +and overlooking the Neckar; then, after a smoke, we went to bed. We had +a refreshing nap, then got up about three in the afternoon and put +on our panoply. As we tramped gaily out at the gate of the town, we +overtook a peasant's cart, partly laden with odds and ends of cabbages +and similar vegetable rubbish, and drawn by a small cow and a smaller +donkey yoked together. It was a pretty slow concern, but it got us into +Heilbronn before dark--five miles, or possibly it was seven. + + + +We stopped at the very same inn which the famous old robber-knight +and rough fighter Goetz von Berlichingen, abode in after he got out of +captivity in the Square Tower of Heilbronn between three hundred and +fifty and four hundred years ago. Harris and I occupied the same room +which he had occupied and the same paper had not quite peeled off the +walls yet. The furniture was quaint old carved stuff, full four hundred +years old, and some of the smells were over a thousand. There was a hook +in the wall, which the landlord said the terrific old Goetz used to hang +his iron hand on when he took it off to go to bed. This room was very +large--it might be called immense--and it was on the first floor; which +means it was in the second story, for in Europe the houses are so +high that they do not count the first story, else they would get tired +climbing before they got to the top. The wallpaper was a fiery red, with +huge gold figures in it, well smirched by time, and it covered all the +doors. These doors fitted so snugly and continued the figures of the +paper so unbrokenly, that when they were closed one had to go feeling +and searching along the wall to find them. There was a stove in the +corner--one of those tall, square, stately white porcelain things that +looks like a monument and keeps you thinking of death when you ought to +be enjoying your travels. The windows looked out on a little alley, and +over that into a stable and some poultry and pig yards in the rear of +some tenement-houses. There were the customary two beds in the room, +one in one end, the other in the other, about an old-fashioned +brass-mounted, single-barreled pistol-shot apart. They were fully +as narrow as the usual German bed, too, and had the German bed's +ineradicable habit of spilling the blankets on the floor every time you +forgot yourself and went to sleep. + +A round table as large as King Arthur's stood in the center of the room; +while the waiters were getting ready to serve our dinner on it we +all went out to see the renowned clock on the front of the municipal +buildings. + + + +CHAPTER XII + +[What the Wives Saved] + + +The RATHHAUS, or municipal building, is of the quaintest and most +picturesque Middle-Age architecture. It has a massive portico and steps, +before it, heavily balustraded, and adorned with life-sized rusty iron +knights in complete armor. The clock-face on the front of the building +is very large and of curious pattern. Ordinarily, a gilded angel +strikes the hour on a big bell with a hammer; as the striking ceases, a +life-sized figure of Time raises its hour-glass and turns it; two golden +rams advance and butt each other; a gilded cock lifts its wings; but the +main features are two great angels, who stand on each side of the dial +with long horns at their lips; it was said that they blew melodious +blasts on these horns every hour--but they did not do it for us. We were +told, later, that they blew only at night, when the town was still. + +Within the RATHHAUS were a number of huge wild boars' heads, preserved, +and mounted on brackets along the wall; they bore inscriptions telling +who killed them and how many hundred years ago it was done. One room in +the building was devoted to the preservation of ancient archives. There +they showed us no end of aged documents; some were signed by Popes, +some by Tilly and other great generals, and one was a letter written and +subscribed by Goetz von Berlichingen in Heilbronn in 1519 just after his +release from the Square Tower. + + + +This fine old robber-knight was a devoutly and sincerely religious +man, hospitable, charitable to the poor, fearless in fight, active, +enterprising, and possessed of a large and generous nature. He had in +him a quality of being able to overlook moderate injuries, and being +able to forgive and forget mortal ones as soon as he had soundly +trounced the authors of them. He was prompt to take up any poor devil's +quarrel and risk his neck to right him. The common folk held him dear, +and his memory is still green in ballad and tradition. He used to go on +the highway and rob rich wayfarers; and other times he would swoop down +from his high castle on the hills of the Neckar and capture passing +cargoes of merchandise. In his memoirs he piously thanks the Giver of +all Good for remembering him in his needs and delivering sundry such +cargoes into his hands at times when only special providences could have +relieved him. He was a doughty warrior and found a deep joy in battle. +In an assault upon a stronghold in Bavaria when he was only twenty-three +years old, his right hand was shot away, but he was so interested in the +fight that he did not observe it for a while. He said that the iron hand +which was made for him afterward, and which he wore for more than half a +century, was nearly as clever a member as the fleshy one had been. I was +glad to get a facsimile of the letter written by this fine old German +Robin Hood, though I was not able to read it. He was a better artist +with his sword than with his pen. + +We went down by the river and saw the Square Tower. It was a very +venerable structure, very strong, and very ornamental. There was no +opening near the ground. They had to use a ladder to get into it, no +doubt. + +We visited the principal church, also--a curious old structure, with a +towerlike spire adorned with all sorts of grotesque images. The inner +walls of the church were placarded with large mural tablets of copper, +bearing engraved inscriptions celebrating the merits of old Heilbronn +worthies of two or three centuries ago, and also bearing rudely painted +effigies of themselves and their families tricked out in the queer +costumes of those days. The head of the family sat in the foreground, +and beyond him extended a sharply receding and diminishing row of +sons; facing him sat his wife, and beyond her extended a low row of +diminishing daughters. The family was usually large, but the perspective +bad. + +Then we hired the hack and the horse which Goetz von Berlichingen used +to use, and drove several miles into the country to visit the place +called WEIBERTREU--Wife's Fidelity I suppose it means. It was a feudal +castle of the Middle Ages. When we reached its neighborhood we found +it was beautifully situated, but on top of a mound, or hill, round and +tolerably steep, and about two hundred feet high. Therefore, as the sun +was blazing hot, we did not climb up there, but took the place on trust, +and observed it from a distance while the horse leaned up against a +fence and rested. The place has no interest except that which is lent it +by its legend, which is a very pretty one--to this effect: + +THE LEGEND + +In the Middle Ages, a couple of young dukes, brothers, took opposite +sides in one of the wars, the one fighting for the Emperor, the other +against him. One of them owned the castle and village on top of the +mound which I have been speaking of, and in his absence his brother +came with his knights and soldiers and began a siege. It was a long and +tedious business, for the people made a stubborn and faithful defense. +But at last their supplies ran out and starvation began its work; +more fell by hunger than by the missiles of the enemy. They by and +by surrendered, and begged for charitable terms. But the beleaguering +prince was so incensed against them for their long resistance that he +said he would spare none but the women and children--all men should be +put to the sword without exception, and all their goods destroyed. Then +the women came and fell on their knees and begged for the lives of their +husbands. + +"No," said the prince, "not a man of them shall escape alive; you +yourselves shall go with your children into houseless and friendless +banishment; but that you may not starve I grant you this one grace, +that each woman may bear with her from this place as much of her most +valuable property as she is able to carry." + +Very well, presently the gates swung open and out filed those women +carrying their HUSBANDS on their shoulders. The besiegers, furious at +the trick, rushed forward to slaughter the men, but the Duke stepped +between and said: + +"No, put up your swords--a prince's word is inviolable." + +When we got back to the hotel, King Arthur's Round Table was ready for +us in its white drapery, and the head waiter and his first assistant, in +swallow-tails and white cravats, brought in the soup and the hot plates +at once. + +Mr. X had ordered the dinner, and when the wine came on, he picked up +a bottle, glanced at the label, and then turned to the grave, the +melancholy, the sepulchral head waiter and said it was not the sort of +wine he had asked for. The head waiter picked up the bottle, cast his +undertaker-eye on it and said: + +"It is true; I beg pardon." Then he turned on his subordinate and calmly +said, "Bring another label." + + + +At the same time he slid the present label off with his hand and laid it +aside; it had been newly put on, its paste was still wet. When the new +label came, he put it on; our French wine being now turned into German +wine, according to desire, the head waiter went blandly about his other +duties, as if the working of this sort of miracle was a common and easy +thing to him. + +Mr. X said he had not known, before, that there were people honest +enough to do this miracle in public, but he was aware that thousands +upon thousands of labels were imported into America from Europe every +year, to enable dealers to furnish to their customers in a quiet and +inexpensive way all the different kinds of foreign wines they might +require. + +We took a turn around the town, after dinner, and found it fully as +interesting in the moonlight as it had been in the daytime. The streets +were narrow and roughly paved, and there was not a sidewalk or a +street-lamp anywhere. The dwellings were centuries old, and vast enough +for hotels. They widened all the way up; the stories projected further +and further forward and aside as they ascended, and the long rows +of lighted windows, filled with little bits of panes, curtained with +figured white muslin and adorned outside with boxes of flowers, made a +pretty effect. + + + +The moon was bright, and the light and shadow very strong; and nothing +could be more picturesque than those curving streets, with their rows +of huge high gables leaning far over toward each other in a friendly +gossiping way, and the crowds below drifting through the alternating +blots of gloom and mellow bars of moonlight. Nearly everybody was +abroad, chatting, singing, romping, or massed in lazy comfortable +attitudes in the doorways. + +In one place there was a public building which was fenced about with a +thick, rusty chain, which sagged from post to post in a succession of +low swings. The pavement, here, was made of heavy blocks of stone. In +the glare of the moon a party of barefooted children were swinging on +those chains and having a noisy good time. They were not the first ones +who have done that; even their great-great-grandfathers had not been the +first to do it when they were children. The strokes of the bare feet +had worn grooves inches deep in the stone flags; it had taken many +generations of swinging children to accomplish that. + + + +Everywhere in the town were the mold and decay that go with antiquity, +and evidence of it; but I do not know that anything else gave us so +vivid a sense of the old age of Heilbronn as those footworn grooves in +the paving-stones. + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +[My Long Crawl in the Dark] + + +When we got back to the hotel I wound and set the pedometer and put +it in my pocket, for I was to carry it next day and keep record of the +miles we made. The work which we had given the instrument to do during +the day which had just closed had not fatigued it perceptibly. + +We were in bed by ten, for we wanted to be up and away on our tramp +homeward with the dawn. I hung fire, but Harris went to sleep at once. +I hate a man who goes to sleep at once; there is a sort of indefinable +something about it which is not exactly an insult, and yet is an +insolence; and one which is hard to bear, too. I lay there fretting +over this injury, and trying to go to sleep; but the harder I tried, the +wider awake I grew. I got to feeling very lonely in the dark, with no +company but an undigested dinner. My mind got a start by and by, and +began to consider the beginning of every subject which has ever been +thought of; but it never went further than the beginning; it was touch +and go; it fled from topic to topic with a frantic speed. At the end of +an hour my head was in a perfect whirl and I was dead tired, fagged out. + +The fatigue was so great that it presently began to make some head +against the nervous excitement; while imagining myself wide awake, I +would really doze into momentary unconsciousness, and come suddenly out +of it with a physical jerk which nearly wrenched my joints apart--the +delusion of the instant being that I was tumbling backward over a +precipice. After I had fallen over eight or nine precipices and thus +found out that one half of my brain had been asleep eight or nine times +without the wide-awake, hard-working other half suspecting it, the +periodical unconsciousnesses began to extend their spell gradually over +more of my brain-territory, and at last I sank into a drowse which grew +deeper and deeper and was doubtless just on the very point of being a +solid, blessed dreamless stupor, when--what was that? + +My dulled faculties dragged themselves partly back to life and took a +receptive attitude. Now out of an immense, a limitless distance, came +a something which grew and grew, and approached, and presently was +recognizable as a sound--it had rather seemed to be a feeling, before. +This sound was a mile away, now--perhaps it was the murmur of a storm; +and now it was nearer--not a quarter of a mile away; was it the muffled +rasping and grinding of distant machinery? No, it came still nearer; was +it the measured tramp of a marching troop? But it came nearer still, +and still nearer--and at last it was right in the room: it was merely +a mouse gnawing the woodwork. So I had held my breath all that time for +such a trifle. + + + +Well, what was done could not be helped; I would go to sleep at once and +make up the lost time. That was a thoughtless thought. Without intending +it--hardly knowing it--I fell to listening intently to that sound, and +even unconsciously counting the strokes of the mouse's nutmeg-grater. +Presently I was deriving exquisite suffering from this employment, yet +maybe I could have endured it if the mouse had attended steadily to +his work; but he did not do that; he stopped every now and then, and I +suffered more while waiting and listening for him to begin again than +I did while he was gnawing. Along at first I was mentally offering a +reward of five--six--seven--ten--dollars for that mouse; but toward +the last I was offering rewards which were entirely beyond my means. I +close-reefed my ears--that is to say, I bent the flaps of them down +and furled them into five or six folds, and pressed them against the +hearing-orifice--but it did no good: the faculty was so sharpened +by nervous excitement that it was become a microphone and could hear +through the overlays without trouble. + +My anger grew to a frenzy. I finally did what all persons before me have +done, clear back to Adam,--resolved to throw something. I reached down +and got my walking-shoes, then sat up in bed and listened, in order to +exactly locate the noise. But I couldn't do it; it was as unlocatable as +a cricket's noise; and where one thinks that that is, is always the very +place where it isn't. So I presently hurled a shoe at random, and with +a vicious vigor. It struck the wall over Harris's head and fell down on +him; I had not imagined I could throw so far. It woke Harris, and I was +glad of it until I found he was not angry; then I was sorry. He soon +went to sleep again, which pleased me; but straightway the mouse began +again, which roused my temper once more. I did not want to wake Harris +a second time, but the gnawing continued until I was compelled to throw +the other shoe. + + + +This time I broke a mirror--there were two in the room--I got the +largest one, of course. Harris woke again, but did not complain, and +I was sorrier than ever. I resolved that I would suffer all possible +torture before I would disturb him a third time. + +The mouse eventually retired, and by and by I was sinking to sleep, when +a clock began to strike; I counted till it was done, and was about to +drowse again when another clock began; I counted; then the two great +RATHHAUS clock angels began to send forth soft, rich, melodious blasts +from their long trumpets. I had never heard anything that was so lovely, +or weird, or mysterious--but when they got to blowing the quarter-hours, +they seemed to me to be overdoing the thing. Every time I dropped +off for the moment, a new noise woke me. Each time I woke I missed my +coverlet, and had to reach down to the floor and get it again. + +At last all sleepiness forsook me. I recognized the fact that I was +hopelessly and permanently wide awake. Wide awake, and feverish and +thirsty. When I had lain tossing there as long as I could endure it, it +occurred to me that it would be a good idea to dress and go out in the +great square and take a refreshing wash in the fountain, and smoke and +reflect there until the remnant of the night was gone. + +I believed I could dress in the dark without waking Harris. I had +banished my shoes after the mouse, but my slippers would do for a summer +night. So I rose softly, and gradually got on everything--down to one +sock. I couldn't seem to get on the track of that sock, any way I could +fix it. But I had to have it; so I went down on my hands and knees, with +one slipper on and the other in my hand, and began to paw gently around +and rake the floor, but with no success. I enlarged my circle, and went +on pawing and raking. With every pressure of my knee, how the floor +creaked! and every time I chanced to rake against any article, it seemed +to give out thirty-five or thirty-six times more noise than it would +have done in the daytime. In those cases I always stopped and held +my breath till I was sure Harris had not awakened--then I crept along +again. I moved on and on, but I could not find the sock; I could not +seem to find anything but furniture. I could not remember that there was +much furniture in the room when I went to bed, but the place was alive +with it now --especially chairs--chairs everywhere--had a couple of +families moved in, in the mean time? And I never could seem to GLANCE on +one of those chairs, but always struck it full and square with my head. +My temper rose, by steady and sure degrees, and as I pawed on and on, I +fell to making vicious comments under my breath. + + + +Finally, with a venomous access of irritation, I said I would leave +without the sock; so I rose up and made straight for the door--as I +supposed--and suddenly confronted my dim spectral image in the unbroken +mirror. It startled the breath out of me, for an instant; it also showed +me that I was lost, and had no sort of idea where I was. When I realized +this, I was so angry that I had to sit down on the floor and take hold +of something to keep from lifting the roof off with an explosion of +opinion. If there had been only one mirror, it might possibly have +helped to locate me; but there were two, and two were as bad as a +thousand; besides, these were on opposite sides of the room. I could see +the dim blur of the windows, but in my turned-around condition they were +exactly where they ought not to be, and so they only confused me instead +of helping me. + +I started to get up, and knocked down an umbrella; it made a noise +like a pistol-shot when it struck that hard, slick, carpetless floor; +I grated my teeth and held my breath--Harris did not stir. I set the +umbrella slowly and carefully on end against the wall, but as soon as +I took my hand away, its heel slipped from under it, and down it came +again with another bang. I shrunk together and listened a moment in +silent fury--no harm done, everything quiet. With the most painstaking +care and nicety, I stood the umbrella up once more, took my hand away, +and down it came again. + +I have been strictly reared, but if it had not been so dark and solemn +and awful there in that lonely, vast room, I do believe I should have +said something then which could not be put into a Sunday-school book +without injuring the sale of it. If my reasoning powers had not been +already sapped dry by my harassments, I would have known better than to +try to set an umbrella on end on one of those glassy German floors in +the dark; it can't be done in the daytime without four failures to one +success. I had one comfort, though--Harris was yet still and silent--he +had not stirred. + +The umbrella could not locate me--there were four standing around the +room, and all alike. I thought I would feel along the wall and find the +door in that way. I rose up and began this operation, but raked down +a picture. It was not a large one, but it made noise enough for a +panorama. Harris gave out no sound, but I felt that if I experimented +any further with the pictures I should be sure to wake him. Better give +up trying to get out. Yes, I would find King Arthur's Round Table once +more--I had already found it several times--and use it for a base of +departure on an exploring tour for my bed; if I could find my bed I +could then find my water pitcher; I would quench my raging thirst and +turn in. So I started on my hands and knees, because I could go faster +that way, and with more confidence, too, and not knock down things. By +and by I found the table--with my head--rubbed the bruise a little, then +rose up and started, with hands abroad and fingers spread, to balance +myself. I found a chair; then a wall; then another chair; then a sofa; +then an alpenstock, then another sofa; this confounded me, for I had +thought there was only one sofa. I hunted up the table again and took a +fresh start; found some more chairs. + +It occurred to me, now, as it ought to have done before, that as the +table was round, it was therefore of no value as a base to aim from; so +I moved off once more, and at random among the wilderness of chairs and +sofas--wandering off into unfamiliar regions, and presently knocked a +candlestick and knocked off a lamp, grabbed at the lamp and knocked +off a water pitcher with a rattling crash, and thought to myself, +"I've found you at last--I judged I was close upon you." Harris shouted +"murder," and "thieves," and finished with "I'm absolutely drowned." + +The crash had roused the house. Mr. X pranced in, in his long +night-garment, with a candle, young Z after him with another candle; a +procession swept in at another door, with candles and lanterns--landlord +and two German guests in their nightgowns and a chambermaid in hers. + +I looked around; I was at Harris's bed, a Sabbath-day's journey from my +own. There was only one sofa; it was against the wall; there was only +one chair where a body could get at it--I had been revolving around it +like a planet, and colliding with it like a comet half the night. + + + +I explained how I had been employing myself, and why. Then the +landlord's party left, and the rest of us set about our preparations for +breakfast, for the dawn was ready to break. I glanced furtively at my +pedometer, and found I had made 47 miles. But I did not care, for I had +come out for a pedestrian tour anyway. + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +[Rafting Down the Neckar] + + +When the landlord learned that I and my agents were artists, our party +rose perceptibly in his esteem; we rose still higher when he learned +that we were making a pedestrian tour of Europe. + +He told us all about the Heidelberg road, and which were the best places +to avoid and which the best ones to tarry at; he charged me less than +cost for the things I broke in the night; he put up a fine luncheon +for us and added to it a quantity of great light-green plums, the +pleasantest fruit in Germany; he was so anxious to do us honor that he +would not allow us to walk out of Heilbronn, but called up Goetz von +Berlichingen's horse and cab and made us ride. + +I made a sketch of the turnout. It is not a Work, it is only what +artists call a "study"--a thing to make a finished picture from. This +sketch has several blemishes in it; for instance, the wagon is not +traveling as fast as the horse is. This is wrong. Again, the person +trying to get out of the way is too small; he is out of perspective, +as we say. The two upper lines are not the horse's back, they are the +reigns; there seems to be a wheel missing--this would be corrected in a +finished Work, of course. This thing flying out behind is not a flag, +it is a curtain. That other thing up there is the sun, but I didn't get +enough distance on it. I do not remember, now, what that thing is that +is in front of the man who is running, but I think it is a haystack or a +woman. This study was exhibited in the Paris Salon of 1879, but did not +take any medal; they do not give medals for studies. + + + +We discharged the carriage at the bridge. The river was full of +logs--long, slender, barkless pine logs--and we leaned on the rails +of the bridge, and watched the men put them together into rafts. These +rafts were of a shape and construction to suit the crookedness and +extreme narrowness of the Neckar. They were from fifty to one hundred +yards long, and they gradually tapered from a nine-log breadth at their +sterns, to a three-log breadth at their bow-ends. The main part of the +steering is done at the bow, with a pole; the three-log breadth there +furnishes room for only the steersman, for these little logs are not +larger around than an average young lady's waist. The connections of the +several sections of the raft are slack and pliant, so that the raft +may be readily bent into any sort of curve required by the shape of the +river. + +The Neckar is in many places so narrow that a person can throw a dog +across it, if he has one; when it is also sharply curved in such places, +the raftsman has to do some pretty nice snug piloting to make the turns. +The river is not always allowed to spread over its whole bed--which is +as much as thirty, and sometimes forty yards wide--but is split into +three equal bodies of water, by stone dikes which throw the main +volume, depth, and current into the central one. In low water these neat +narrow-edged dikes project four or five inches above the surface, like +the comb of a submerged roof, but in high water they are overflowed. A +hatful of rain makes high water in the Neckar, and a basketful produces +an overflow. + +There are dikes abreast the Schloss Hotel, and the current is violently +swift at that point. I used to sit for hours in my glass cage, watching +the long, narrow rafts slip along through the central channel, grazing +the right-bank dike and aiming carefully for the middle arch of the +stone bridge below; I watched them in this way, and lost all this time +hoping to see one of them hit the bridge-pier and wreck itself sometime +or other, but was always disappointed. One was smashed there one +morning, but I had just stepped into my room a moment to light a pipe, +so I lost it. + +While I was looking down upon the rafts that morning in Heilbronn, the +daredevil spirit of adventure came suddenly upon me, and I said to my +comrades: + +"I am going to Heidelberg on a raft. Will you venture with me?" + +Their faces paled a little, but they assented with as good a grace as +they could. Harris wanted to cable his mother--thought it his duty to +do that, as he was all she had in this world--so, while he attended to +this, I went down to the longest and finest raft and hailed the captain +with a hearty "Ahoy, shipmate!" which put us upon pleasant terms at +once, and we entered upon business. I said we were on a pedestrian tour +to Heidelberg, and would like to take passage with him. I said this +partly through young Z, who spoke German very well, and partly through +Mr. X, who spoke it peculiarly. I can UNDERSTAND German as well as the +maniac that invented it, but I TALK it best through an interpreter. + +The captain hitched up his trousers, then shifted his quid thoughtfully. +Presently he said just what I was expecting he would say--that he had no +license to carry passengers, and therefore was afraid the law would be +after him in case the matter got noised about or any accident happened. +So I CHARTERED the raft and the crew and took all the responsibilities +on myself. + + + +With a rattling song the starboard watch bent to their work and hove +the cable short, then got the anchor home, and our bark moved off with a +stately stride, and soon was bowling along at about two knots an hour. + +Our party were grouped amidships. At first the talk was a little gloomy, +and ran mainly upon the shortness of life, the uncertainty of it, the +perils which beset it, and the need and wisdom of being always prepared +for the worst; this shaded off into low-voiced references to the dangers +of the deep, and kindred matters; but as the gray east began to redden +and the mysterious solemnity and silence of the dawn to give place +to the joy-songs of the birds, the talk took a cheerier tone, and our +spirits began to rise steadily. + +Germany, in the summer, is the perfection of the beautiful, but nobody +has understood, and realized, and enjoyed the utmost possibilities of +this soft and peaceful beauty unless he has voyaged down the Neckar on +a raft. The motion of a raft is the needful motion; it is gentle, +and gliding, and smooth, and noiseless; it calms down all feverish +activities, it soothes to sleep all nervous hurry and impatience; under +its restful influence all the troubles and vexations and sorrows that +harass the mind vanish away, and existence becomes a dream, a charm, +a deep and tranquil ecstasy. How it contrasts with hot and perspiring +pedestrianism, and dusty and deafening railroad rush, and tedious +jolting behind tired horses over blinding white roads! + +We went slipping silently along, between the green and fragrant banks, +with a sense of pleasure and contentment that grew, and grew, all the +time. Sometimes the banks were overhung with thick masses of willows +that wholly hid the ground behind; sometimes we had noble hills on one +hand, clothed densely with foliage to their tops, and on the other hand +open levels blazing with poppies, or clothed in the rich blue of +the corn-flower; sometimes we drifted in the shadow of forests, and +sometimes along the margin of long stretches of velvety grass, fresh and +green and bright, a tireless charm to the eye. And the birds!--they were +everywhere; they swept back and forth across the river constantly, and +their jubilant music was never stilled. + +It was a deep and satisfying pleasure to see the sun create the new +morning, and gradually, patiently, lovingly, clothe it on with splendor +after splendor, and glory after glory, till the miracle was complete. +How different is this marvel observed from a raft, from what it is when +one observes it through the dingy windows of a railway-station in some +wretched village while he munches a petrified sandwich and waits for the +train. + + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's A Tramp Abroad, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD *** + +***** This file should be named 5783.txt or 5783.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/5/7/8/5783/ + +Produced by Anonymous Volunteers, John Greenman and David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fceed23 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #5783 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/5783) diff --git a/old/200406.5783-h.htm b/old/200406.5783-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1cf2dbb --- /dev/null +++ b/old/200406.5783-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2661 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> +<title>A TRAMP ABROAD, BY MARK TWAIN, Part 2</title> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"> + +<style type="text/css"> + <!-- + body {background:#faebd7; margin:10%; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; + margin-top: .75em; + margin-bottom: .75em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; } + HR { width: 33%; text-align: center; } + blockquote {font-size: 97% } + .figleft {float: left;} + .figright {float: right;} + .toc { margin-left: 15%; margin-bottom: 0em;} + CENTER { padding: 10px;} + // --> +</style> + +</head> +<body> + +<h2>A TRAMP ABROAD, Part 2</h2> +<pre> + +Project Gutenberg's A Tramp Abroad, Part 2, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net + + +Title: A Tramp Abroad, Part 2 + +Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +Release Date: June 18, 2004 [EBook #5783] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD, PART 2 *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger (Illustrated HTML version) + + + + + +</pre> + + + + + +<br><hr> +<br><br><br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="cover"></a><img alt="cover.jpg (229K)" src="images/cover.jpg" height="745" width="652"> +</center> + + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="Portrait"></a><img alt="Portrait.jpg (45K)" src="images/Portrait.jpg" height="1051" width="605"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + + + +<center><a name="Moses"></a><img alt="Moses.jpg (86K)" src="images/Moses.jpg" height="949" width="565"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + + + +<center><a name="Titlepage"></a><img alt="Titlepage.jpg (41K)" src="images/Titlepage.jpg" height="1029" width="645"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + + <center> <h1>A TRAMP ABROAD, Part 2</h1> + + <h2>By Mark Twain</h2> + <h3>(Samuel L. Clemens)</h3> + + <h3>First published in 1880</h3> + + <h3>Illustrations taken from an 1880 First Edition</h3> + + * * * * * * +</center> + +<br><br><br><br> +<h2>ILLUSTRATIONS:</h2> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + + +<br> +1. <a href="#Portrait">PORTRAIT OF THE AUTHOR</a><br> +2. <a href="#Moses">TITIAN'S MOSES</a><br> +3. <a href="#p016">THE AUTHOR'S MEMORIES</a><br> +32. <a href="#p070">FRENCH CALM</a> <br> +33. <a href="#p071">THE CHALLENGE ACCEPTED</a> <br> +34. <a href="#p072">A SEARCH</a><br> +35. <a href="#p073">HE SWOONED PONDEROUSLY</a> <br> +36. <a href="#p074">I ROLLED HIM OVER</a> <br> +37. <a href="#p075">THE ONE I HIRED</a> <br> +36. <a href="#p077">THE MARCH TO THE FIELD</a> <br> +39. <a href="#p080">THE POST OF DANGER</a> <br> +40. <a href="#p081">THE RECONCILIATION</a> <br> +41. <a href="#p082">AN OBJECT OF ADMIRATION</a> <br> +42. <a href="#p084a">WAGNER</a> <br> +43. <a href="#p084b">RAGING</a> <br> +44. <a href="#p085a">ROARING</a> <br> +45. <a href="#p085b">SHRIEKING</a> <br> +46. <a href="#p086">A CUSTOMARY THING</a> <br> +47. <a href="#p087">ONE OF THE "REST"</a> <br> +48. <a href="#p088">A CONTRIBUTION BOX</a> <br> +49. <a href="#p089a">CONSPICUOUS</a> <br> +50. <a href="#p089b">TAIL PIECE</a><br> +51. <a href="#p091">ONLY A SHRIEK</a> <br> +52. <a href="#p092">"HE ONLY CRY"</a> <br> +53. <a href="#p094">LATE COMERS CARED FOR</a> <br> +54. <a href="#p096">EVIDENTLY DREAMING</a> <br> +55. <a href="#p098">"TURN ON MORE RAIN"</a> <br> +56. <a href="#p099">HARRIS ATTENDING THE OPERA</a> <br> +57. <a href="#p101">PAINTING MY GREAT PICTURE</a><br> +58. <a href="#p103">OUR START</a> <br> +59. <a href="#p104">AN UNKNOWN COSTUME</a> <br> +60. <a href="#p105a">THE TOWER</a> <br> +61. <a href="#p105b">SLOW BUT SURE</a> <br> +62. <a href="#p109">THE ROBBER CHIEF</a> <br> +63. <a href="#p111">AN HONEST MAN</a> <br> +64. <a href="#p112">THE TOWN BY NIGHT</a> <br> +65. <a href="#p113">GENERATIONS OF BAREFEET</a> <br> +66. <a href="#p115">OUR BEDROOM</a> <br> +67. <a href="#p117">PRACTICING</a> <br> +68. <a href="#p118">PAWING AROUND</a><br> +69. <a href="#p121">A NIGHT'S WORK</a> <br> +70. <a href="#p123">LEAVING HEILBRONN</a> <br> +71. <a href="#p125">THE CAPTAIN</a> <br> +72. <a href="#p127">WAITING FOR THE TRAIN</a> <br> +<br> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + + +<br><br> +<br><br> + +<h2>CONTENTS:</h2> + +<blockquote><blockquote><blockquote><blockquote> +<a href="#ch8">CHAPTER VIII</a> +<br> +The Great French Duel—Mistaken Notions—Outbreak in the French +Assembly—Calmness of M Gambetta—I Volunteer as +Second—Drawing up a Will—The Challenge and its Acceptance—Difficulty +in Selection of Weapons—Deciding on Distance—M. Gambetta's +Firmness—Arranging Details—Hiring Hearses—How it was Kept +from the Press—March to the Field—The Post of Danger—The +Duel—The Result—General Rejoicings—The only One +Hurt—A Firm Resolution +<br><br> +<a href="#ch9">CHAPTER IX</a> +<br> +At the Theatre—German Ideal—At the Opera—The +Orchestra—Howlings and Wailings—A Curious Play—One Season of Rest—The +Wedding Chorus—Germans fond of the Opera—Funerals +Needed —A Private Party—What I Overheard—A Gentle +Girl—A Contribution—box—Unpleasantly Conspicuous +<br><br> +<a href="#ch10">CHAPTER X</a> +<br> +Four Hours with Wagner—A Wonderful Singer, Once—" Only a +Shriek"—An Ancient Vocalist—"He Only Cry"—Emotional +Germans—A Wise Custom—Late Comers Rebuked—Heard to the +Last—No Interruptions Allowed—A Royal Audience—An Eccentric +King—Real Rain and More of It—Immense Success—"Encore! +Encore!"—Magnanimity of the King +<br><br> +<a href="#ch11">CHAPTER XI</a> +<br> +Lessons in Art—My Great Picture of Heidelberg Castle—Its Effect in the +Exhibition—Mistaken for a Turner—A Studio—Waiting for +Orders—A Tramp Decided On—The Start for Heilbronn—Our Walking +Dress—"Pleasant march to you"—We Take the Rail—German +People on Board—Not Understood—Speak only German and +English—Wimpfen—A Funny Tower—Dinner in the Garden—Vigorous +Tramping—Ride in a Peasant's Cart—A Famous Room +<br><br> +<a href="#ch12">CHAPTER XII</a> +<br> +The Rathhaus—An Old Robber Knight, Gotz Von Berlichingen—His +Famous Deeds—The Square Tower—A Curious old +Church—A Gay Turn—out—A Legend—The Wives' Treasures—A Model +Waiter—A Miracle Performed—An Old Town—The Worn Stones +<br><br> +<a href="#ch13">CHAPTER XIII</a> +<br> +Early to Bed—Lonesome—Nervous Excitement—The Room We +Occupied—Disturbed by a Mouse—Grow Desperate—The +Old Remedy—A Shoe Thrown—Result—Hopelessly Awake—An Attempt to +Dress—A Cruise in the Dark—Crawling on the Floor—A General +Smash-up—Forty-seven Miles' Travel +<br><br> +<a href="#ch14">CHAPTER XIV</a> +<br> +A Famous Turn—out—Raftsmen on the Neckar—The Log Rafts—The +Neckar—A Sudden Idea—To Heidelberg on a Raft—Chartering a +Raft—Gloomy Feelings and Conversation—Delicious +Journeying—View of the Banks—Compared with Railroading +</blockquote></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote> + +<br><br> +<br><br> + + + +<center><a name="p016"></a><img alt="p016.jpg (82K)" src="images/p016.jpg" height="817" width="535"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + + + + +<a name="ch8"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER VIII</h2> +<h3>The Great French Duel</h3> +<h3>[I Second Gambetta in a Terrific Duel]</h3></center> +<br><br> + +<p>Much as the modern French duel is ridiculed by certain +smart people, it is in reality one of the most dangerous +institutions of our day. Since it is always fought in the +open air, the combatants are nearly sure to catch cold. +M. Paul de Cassagnac, the most inveterate of the French +duelists, had suffered so often in this way that he is at +last a confirmed invalid; and the best physician in Paris +has expressed the opinion that if he goes on dueling for +fifteen or twenty years more—unless he forms the habit +of fighting in a comfortable room where damps and draughts +cannot intrude—he will eventually endanger his life. +This ought to moderate the talk of those people who are +so stubborn in maintaining that the French duel is the +most health-giving of recreations because of the open-air +exercise it affords. And it ought also to moderate that +foolish talk about French duelists and socialist-hated +monarchs being the only people who are immoral. + +<p>But it is time to get at my subject. As soon as I heard +of the late fiery outbreak between M. Gambetta and M. Fourtou +in the French Assembly, I knew that trouble must follow. +I knew it because a long personal friendship with +M. Gambetta revealed to me the desperate and implacable +nature of the man. Vast as are his physical proportions, +I knew that the thirst for revenge would penetrate +to the remotest frontiers of his person. + +<p>I did not wait for him to call on me, but went at once +to him. As I had expected, I found the brave fellow +steeped in a profound French calm. I say French calm, +because French calmness and English calmness have points +of difference. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p070"></a><img alt="p070.jpg (13K)" src="images/p070.jpg" height="385" width="303"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>He was moving swiftly back and forth +among the debris of his furniture, now and then staving +chance fragments of it across the room with his foot; +grinding a constant grist of curses through his set teeth; +and halting every little while to deposit another handful +of his hair on the pile which he had been building of it on +the table. + +<p>He threw his arms around my neck, bent me over his stomach +to his breast, kissed me on both cheeks, hugged me four +or five times, and then placed me in his own arm-chair. +As soon as I had got well again, we began business at once. + +<p>I said I supposed he would wish me to act as his second, +and he said, "Of course." I said I must be allowed +to act under a French name, so that I might be shielded +from obloquy in my country, in case of fatal results. +He winced here, probably at the suggestion that dueling was +not regarded with respect in America. However, he agreed +to my requirement. This accounts for the fact that in all +the newspaper reports M. Gambetta's second was apparently +a Frenchman. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p071"></a><img alt="p071.jpg (9K)" src="images/p071.jpg" height="287" width="253"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>First, we drew up my principal's will. I insisted upon this, +and stuck to my point. I said I had never heard of a man +in his right mind going out to fight a duel without +first making his will. He said he had never heard +of a man in his right mind doing anything of the kind. +When he had finished the will, he wished to proceed +to a choice of his "last words." He wanted to know +how the following words, as a dying exclamation, struck me: + +<p>"I die for my God, for my country, for freedom of speech, +for progress, and the universal brotherhood of man!" + +<p>I objected that this would require too lingering a death; +it was a good speech for a consumptive, but not suited +to the exigencies of the field of honor. We wrangled +over a good many ante-mortem outbursts, but I finally got +him to cut his obituary down to this, which he copied +into his memorandum-book, purposing to get it by heart: + +<p>"I DIE THAT FRANCE MIGHT LIVE." + +<p>I said that this remark seemed to lack relevancy; but he +said relevancy was a matter of no consequence in last words, +what you wanted was thrill. + +<p>The next thing in order was the choice of weapons. +My principal said he was not feeling well, and would leave +that and the other details of the proposed meeting to me. +Therefore I wrote the following note and carried it to +M. Fourtou's friend: + +<p>Sir: M. Gambetta accepts M. Fourtou's challenge, +and authorizes me to propose Plessis-Piquet as the place +of meeting; tomorrow morning at daybreak as the time; +and axes as the weapons. + +<p>I am, sir, with great respect, + +<p>Mark Twain. + +<p>M. Fourtou's friend read this note, and shuddered. +Then he turned to me, and said, with a suggestion of +severity in his tone: + +<p>"Have you considered, sir, what would be the inevitable +result of such a meeting as this?" + +<p>"Well, for instance, what WOULD it be?" + +<p>"Bloodshed!" + +<p>"That's about the size of it," I said. "Now, if it is +a fair question, what was your side proposing to shed?" + +<p>I had him there. He saw he had made a blunder, so he hastened +to explain it away. He said he had spoken jestingly. +Then he added that he and his principal would enjoy axes, +and indeed prefer them, but such weapons were barred +by the French code, and so I must change my proposal. + +<p>I walked the floor, turning the thing over in my mind, +and finally it occurred to me that Gatling-guns at fifteen +paces would be a likely way to get a verdict on the field +of honor. So I framed this idea into a proposition. + +<p>But it was not accepted. The code was in the way again. +I proposed rifles; then double-barreled shotguns; +then Colt's navy revolvers. These being all rejected, +I reflected awhile, and sarcastically suggested brickbats +at three-quarters of a mile. I always hate to fool away +a humorous thing on a person who has no perception of humor; +and it filled me with bitterness when this man went soberly +away to submit the last proposition to his principal. + +<p>He came back presently and said his principal was charmed +with the idea of brickbats at three-quarters of a mile, +but must decline on account of the danger to disinterested +parties passing between them. Then I said: + +<p>"Well, I am at the end of my string, now. Perhaps YOU +would be good enough to suggest a weapon? Perhaps you +have even had one in your mind all the time?" + +<p>His countenance brightened, and he said with alacrity: + +<p>"Oh, without doubt, monsieur!" + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p072"></a><img alt="p072.jpg (7K)" src="images/p072.jpg" height="329" width="123"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>So he fell to hunting in his pockets—pocket after pocket, +and he had plenty of them—muttering all the while, +"Now, what could I have done with them?" + +<p>At last he was successful. He fished out of his vest pocket +a couple of little things which I carried to the light +and ascertained to be pistols. They were single-barreled +and silver-mounted, and very dainty and pretty. +I was not able to speak for emotion. I silently hung +one of them on my watch-chain, and returned the other. +My companion in crime now unrolled a postage-stamp +containing several cartridges, and gave me one of them. +I asked if he meant to signify by this that our men were +to be allowed but one shot apiece. He replied that the +French code permitted no more. I then begged him to go +and suggest a distance, for my mind was growing weak +and confused under the strain which had been put upon it. +He named sixty-five yards. I nearly lost my patience. +I said: + +<p>"Sixty-five yards, with these instruments? Squirt-guns +would be deadlier at fifty. Consider, my friend, +you and I are banded together to destroy life, not make +it eternal." + +<p>But with all my persuasions, all my arguments, I was only +able to get him to reduce the distance to thirty-five yards; +and even this concession he made with reluctance, +and said with a sigh, "I wash my hands of this slaughter; +on your head be it." + +<p>There was nothing for me but to go home to my old +lion-heart and tell my humiliating story. When I entered, +M. Gambetta was laying his last lock of hair upon the altar. +He sprang toward me, exclaiming: + +<p>"You have made the fatal arrangements—I see it in your eye!" + +<p>"I have." + +<p>His face paled a trifle, and he leaned upon the table +for support. He breathed thick and heavily for a moment +or two, so tumultuous were his feelings; then he hoarsely +whispered: + +<p>"The weapon, the weapon! Quick! what is the weapon?" + +<p>"This!" and I displayed that silver-mounted thing. +He cast but one glance at it, then swooned ponderously +to the floor. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p073"></a><img alt="p073.jpg (12K)" src="images/p073.jpg" height="227" width="359"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>When he came to, he said mournfully: + +<p>"The unnatural calm to which I have subjected myself +has told upon my nerves. But away with weakness! +I will confront my fate like a man and a Frenchman." + +<p>He rose to his feet, and assumed an attitude which +for sublimity has never been approached by man, +and has seldom been surpassed by statues. Then he said, +in his deep bass tones: + +<p>"Behold, I am calm, I am ready; reveal to me the distance." + +<p>"Thirty-five yards." ... + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p074"></a><img alt="p074.jpg (6K)" src="images/p074.jpg" height="183" width="329"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>I could not lift him up, of course; but I rolled him over, +and poured water down his back. He presently came to, +and said: + +<p>"Thirty-five yards—without a rest? But why ask? Since +murder was that man's intention, why should he palter +with small details? But mark you one thing: in my fall +the world shall see how the chivalry of France meets death." + +<p>After a long silence he asked: + +<p>"Was nothing said about that man's family standing +up with him, as an offset to my bulk? But no matter; +I would not stoop to make such a suggestion; if he is +not noble enough to suggest it himself, he is welcome +to this advantage, which no honorable man would take." + +<p>He now sank into a sort of stupor of reflection, +which lasted some minutes; after which he broke silence with: + +<p>"The hour—what is the hour fixed for the collision?" + +<p>"Dawn, tomorrow." + +<p>He seemed greatly surprised, and immediately said: + +<p>"Insanity! I never heard of such a thing. Nobody is +abroad at such an hour." + +<p>"That is the reason I named it. Do you mean to say you +want an audience?" + +<p>"It is no time to bandy words. I am astonished that M. Fourtou +should ever have agreed to so strange an innovation. +Go at once and require a later hour." + +<p>I ran downstairs, threw open the front door, and almost +plunged into the arms of M. Fourtou's second. He said: + +<p>"I have the honor to say that my principal strenuously +objects to the hour chosen, and begs you will consent +to change it to half past nine." + +<p>"Any courtesy, sir, which it is in our power to extend +is at the service of your excellent principal. We agree +to the proposed change of time." + +<p>"I beg you to accept the thanks of my client." Then he +turned to a person behind him, and said, "You hear, M. Noir, +the hour is altered to half past nine." Whereupon +M. Noir bowed, expressed his thanks, and went away. +My accomplice continued: + +<p>"If agreeable to you, your chief surgeons and ours shall +proceed to the field in the same carriage as is customary." + +<p>"It is entirely agreeable to me, and I am obliged +to you for mentioning the surgeons, for I am afraid +I should not have thought of them. How many shall +I want? I supposed two or three will be enough?" + +<p>"Two is the customary number for each party. I refer +to 'chief' surgeons; but considering the exalted positions +occupied by our clients, it will be well and decorous +that each of us appoint several consulting surgeons, +from among the highest in the profession. These will +come in their own private carriages. Have you engaged +a hearse?" + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p075"></a><img alt="p075.jpg (11K)" src="images/p075.jpg" height="191" width="419"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>"Bless my stupidity, I never thought of it! I will attend +to it right away. I must seem very ignorant to you; +but you must try to overlook that, because I have never +had any experience of such a swell duel as this before. +I have had a good deal to do with duels on the Pacific coast, +but I see now that they were crude affairs. A hearse—sho! +we used to leave the elected lying around loose, and let +anybody cord them up and cart them off that wanted to. +Have you anything further to suggest?" + +<p>"Nothing, except that the head undertakers shall ride together, +as is usual. The subordinates and mutes will go on foot, +as is also usual. I will see you at eight o'clock +in the morning, and we will then arrange the order +of the procession. I have the honor to bid you a good day." + +<p>I returned to my client, who said, "Very well; +at what hour is the engagement to begin?" + +<p>"Half past nine." + +<p>"Very good indeed.; Have you sent the fact to the newspapers?" + +<p>"SIR! If after our long and intimate friendship you can +for a moment deem me capable of so base a treachery—" + +<p>"Tut, tut! What words are these, my dear friend? Have I +wounded you? Ah, forgive me; I am overloading you with labor. +Therefore go on with the other details, and drop this +one from your list. The bloody-minded Fourtou will be +sure to attend to it. Or I myself—yes, to make certain, +I will drop a note to my journalistic friend, M. Noir—" + +<p>"Oh, come to think of it, you may save yourself the trouble; +that other second has informed M. Noir." + +<p>"H'm! I might have known it. It is just like that Fourtou, +who always wants to make a display." + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p077"></a><img alt="p077.jpg (116K)" src="images/p077.jpg" height="891" width="585"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>At half past nine in the morning the procession approached +the field of Plessis-Piquet in the following order: first +came our carriage—nobody in it but M. Gambetta and myself; +then a carriage containing M. Fourtou and his second; +then a carriage containing two poet-orators who did +not believe in God, and these had MS. funeral orations +projecting from their breast pockets; then a carriage +containing the head surgeons and their cases of instruments; +then eight private carriages containing consulting surgeons; +then a hack containing a coroner; then the two hearses; +then a carriage containing the head undertakers; +then a train of assistants and mutes on foot; and after +these came plodding through the fog a long procession +of camp followers, police, and citizens generally. +It was a noble turnout, and would have made a fine display +if we had had thinner weather. + +<p>There was no conversation. I spoke several times to +my principal, but I judge he was not aware of it, for he +always referred to his note-book and muttered absently, +"I die that France might live." + +<p>Arrived on the field, my fellow-second and I paced off +the thirty-five yards, and then drew lots for choice +of position. This latter was but an ornamental ceremony, +for all the choices were alike in such weather. +These preliminaries being ended, I went to my principal +and asked him if he was ready. He spread himself out +to his full width, and said in a stern voice, "Ready! Let +the batteries be charged." + +<p>The loading process was done in the presence of duly +constituted witnesses. We considered it best to perform +this delicate service with the assistance of a lantern, +on account of the state of the weather. We now placed +our men. + +<p>At this point the police noticed that the public had massed +themselves together on the right and left of the field; +they therefore begged a delay, while they should put +these poor people in a place of safety. + +<p>The request was granted. + +<p>The police having ordered the two multitudes to take +positions behind the duelists, we were once more ready. +The weather growing still more opaque, it was agreed between +myself and the other second that before giving the fatal +signal we should each deliver a loud whoop to enable +the combatants to ascertain each other's whereabouts. + +<p>I now returned to my principal, and was distressed +to observe that he had lost a good deal of his spirit. +I tried my best to hearten him. I said, "Indeed, sir, +things are not as bad as they seem. Considering the character +of the weapons, the limited number of shots allowed, +the generous distance, the impenetrable solidity of the fog, +and the added fact that one of the combatants is one-eyed +and the other cross-eyed and near-sighted, it seems to me +that this conflict need not necessarily be fatal. There are +chances that both of you may survive. Therefore, cheer up; +do not be downhearted." + +<p>This speech had so good an effect that my principal +immediately stretched forth his hand and said, "I am +myself again; give me the weapon." + +<p>I laid it, all lonely and forlorn, in the center of the vast +solitude of his palm. He gazed at it and shuddered. +And still mournfully contemplating it, he murmured in a +broken voice: + +<p>"Alas, it is not death I dread, but mutilation." + +<p>I heartened him once more, and with such success that he +presently said, "Let the tragedy begin. Stand at my back; +do not desert me in this solemn hour, my friend." + +<p>I gave him my promise. I now assisted him to point +his pistol toward the spot where I judged his adversary +to be standing, and cautioned him to listen well and +further guide himself by my fellow-second's whoop. +Then I propped myself against M. Gambetta's back, +and raised a rousing "Whoop-ee!" This was answered from +out the far distances of the fog, and I immediately shouted: + +<p>"One—two—three—FIRE!" + +<p>Two little sounds like SPIT! SPIT! broke upon my ear, +and in the same instant I was crushed to the earth under +a mountain of flesh. Bruised as I was, I was still able +to catch a faint accent from above, to this effect: + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p080"></a><img alt="p080.jpg (10K)" src="images/p080.jpg" height="281" width="295"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>"I die for... for ... perdition take it, +what IS it I die for? ... oh, yes—FRANCE! I die +that France may live!" + +<p>The surgeons swarmed around with their probes in +their hands, and applied their microscopes to the whole +area of M. Gambetta's person, with the happy result of +finding nothing in the nature of a wound. Then a scene +ensued which was in every way gratifying and inspiriting. + +<p>The two gladiators fell upon each other's neck, with floods +of proud and happy tears; that other second embraced me; +the surgeons, the orators, the undertakers, the police, +everybody embraced, everybody congratulated, everybody cried, +and the whole atmosphere was filled with praise and with +joy unspeakable. + +<p>It seems to me then that I would rather be a hero +of a French duel than a crowned and sceptered monarch. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p081"></a><img alt="p081.jpg (34K)" src="images/p081.jpg" height="365" width="551"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>When the commotion had somewhat subsided, the body +of surgeons held a consultation, and after a good deal +of debate decided that with proper care and nursing there +was reason to believe that I would survive my injuries. +My internal hurts were deemed the most serious, since it +was apparent that a broken rib had penetrated my left lung, +and that many of my organs had been pressed out so far +to one side or the other of where they belonged, that it +was doubtful if they would ever learn to perform their +functions in such remote and unaccustomed localities. +They then set my left arm in two places, pulled my right +hip into its socket again, and re-elevated my nose. +I was an object of great interest, and even admiration; +and many sincere and warm-hearted persons had themselves +introduced to me, and said they were proud to know +the only man who had been hurt in a French duel in +forty years. + +<p>I was placed in an ambulance at the very head of the procession; +and thus with gratifying 'ECLAT I was marched into Paris, +the most conspicuous figure in that great spectacle, +and deposited at the hospital. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p082"></a><img alt="p082.jpg (17K)" src="images/p082.jpg" height="305" width="337"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>The cross of the Legion of Honor has been conferred +upon me. However, few escape that distinction. + +<p>Such is the true version of the most memorable private +conflict of the age. + +<p>I have no complaints to make against any one. I acted +for myself, and I can stand the consequences. + +<p>Without boasting, I think I may say I am not afraid +to stand before a modern French duelist, but as long +as I keep in my right mind I will never consent to stand +behind one again. +<br><br><br><br><br><br> + + +<a name="ch9"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER IX</h2> +<h3>[What the Beautiful Maiden Said]</h3></center> +<br><br> + +<p>One day we took the train and went down to Mannheim +to see "King Lear" played in German. It was a mistake. +We sat in our seats three whole hours and never understood +anything but the thunder and lightning; and even that +was reversed to suit German ideas, for the thunder came +first and the lightning followed after. + +<p>The behavior of the audience was perfect. There were +no rustlings, or whisperings, or other little disturbances; +each act was listened to in silence, and the applauding +was done after the curtain was down. The doors opened at +half past four, the play began promptly at half past five, +and within two minutes afterward all who were coming were +in their seats, and quiet reigned. A German gentleman +in the train had said that a Shakespearian play was an +appreciated treat in Germany and that we should find the +house filled. It was true; all the six tiers were filled, +and remained so to the end—which suggested that it is +not only balcony people who like Shakespeare in Germany, +but those of the pit and gallery, too. + +<p>Another time, we went to Mannheim and attended a +shivaree—otherwise an opera—the one called "Lohengrin." The +banging and slamming and booming and crashing were +something beyond belief. The racking and pitiless +pain of it remains stored up in my memory alongside +the memory of the time that I had my teeth fixed. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p084a"></a><img alt="p084a.jpg (14K)" src="images/p084a.jpg" height="339" width="319"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>There were circumstances which made it necessary for me +to stay through the hour hours to the end, and I stayed; +but the recollection of that long, dragging, relentless season +of suffering is indestructible. To have to endure it +in silence, and sitting still, made it all the harder. +I was in a railed compartment with eight or ten strangers, +of the two sexes, and this compelled repression; +yet at times the pain was so exquisite that I could hardly +keep the tears back. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p084b"></a><img alt="p084b.jpg (8K)" src="images/p084b.jpg" height="281" width="215"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>At those times, as the howlings +and wailings and shrieking of the singers, and the ragings +and roarings and explosions of the vast orchestra rose +higher and higher, and wilder and wilder, and fiercer +and fiercer, I could have cried if I had been alone. +Those strangers would not have been surprised to see +a man do such a thing who was being gradually skinned, +but they would have marveled at it here, and made remarks +about it no doubt, whereas there was nothing in the +present case which was an advantage over being skinned. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p085a"></a><img alt="p085a.jpg (15K)" src="images/p085a.jpg" height="359" width="303"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +There was a wait of half an hour at the end of the first act, +and I could not trust myself to do it, for I felt that I +should desert to stay out. There was another wait +of half an hour toward nine o'clock, but I had gone +through so much by that time that I had no spirit left, +and so had no desire but to be let alone. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p085b"></a><img alt="p085b.jpg (10K)" src="images/p085b.jpg" height="313" width="207"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>I do not wish to suggest that the rest of the people there +were like me, for, indeed, they were not. Whether it +was that they naturally liked that noise, or whether it +was that they had learned to like it by getting used to it, +I did not at the time know; but they did like—this was +plain enough. While it was going on they sat and looked +as rapt and grateful as cats do when one strokes their backs; +and whenever the curtain fell they rose to their feet, +in one solid mighty multitude, and the air was snowed thick +with waving handkerchiefs, and hurricanes of applause +swept the place. This was not comprehensible to me. +Of course, there were many people there who were not +under compulsion to stay; yet the tiers were as full at +the close as they had been at the beginning. This showed +that the people liked it. + +<p>It was a curious sort of a play. In the manner +of costumes and scenery it was fine and showy enough; +but there was not much action. That is to say, +there was not much really done, it was only talked about; +and always violently. It was what one might call a +narrative play. Everybody had a narrative and a grievance, +and none were reasonable about it, but all in an offensive +and ungovernable state. There was little of that sort +of customary thing where the tenor and the soprano stand +down by the footlights, warbling, with blended voices, +and keep holding out their arms toward each other and drawing +them back and spreading both hands over first one breast +and then the other with a shake and a pressure—no, +it was every rioter for himself and no blending. +Each sang his indictive narrative in turn, accompanied by +the whole orchestra of sixty instruments, and when this had +continued for some time, and one was hoping they might come +to an understanding and modify the noise, a great chorus +composed entirely of maniacs would suddenly break forth, +and then during two minutes, and sometimes three, I lived +over again all that I suffered the time the orphan asylum burned +down. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p086"></a><img alt="p086.jpg (25K)" src="images/p086.jpg" height="511" width="379"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>We only had one brief little season of heaven and heaven's +sweet ecstasy and peace during all this long and diligent +and acrimonious reproduction of the other place. +This was while a gorgeous procession of people marched around +and around, in the third act, and sang the Wedding Chorus. +To my untutored ear that was music—almost divine music. +While my seared soul was steeped in the healing balm +of those gracious sounds, it seemed to me that I could +almost resuffer the torments which had gone before, +in order to be so healed again. There is where the deep +ingenuity of the operatic idea is betrayed. It deals so +largely in pain that its scattered delights are prodigiously +augmented by the contrasts. A pretty air in an opera is +prettier there than it could be anywhere else, I suppose, +just as an honest man in politics shines more than he +would elsewhere. + +<p>I have since found out that there is nothing the Germans +like so much as an opera. They like it, not in a mild +and moderate way, but with their whole hearts. +This is a legitimate result of habit and education. +Our nation will like the opera, too, by and by, no doubt. +One in fifty of those who attend our operas likes +it already, perhaps, but I think a good many of the other +forty-nine go in order to learn to like it, and the +rest in order to be able to talk knowingly about it. +The latter usually hum the airs while they are being sung, +so that their neighbors may perceive that they have been +to operas before. The funerals of these do not occur +often enough. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p087"></a><img alt="p087.jpg (14K)" src="images/p087.jpg" height="331" width="287"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>A gentle, old-maidish person and a sweet young girl +of seventeen sat right in front of us that night at the +Mannheim opera. These people talked, between the acts, +and I understood them, though I understood nothing +that was uttered on the distant stage. At first they +were guarded in their talk, but after they had heard +my agent and me conversing in English they dropped their +reserve and I picked up many of their little confidences; +no, I mean many of HER little confidences—meaning +the elder party—for the young girl only listened, +and gave assenting nods, but never said a word. How pretty +she was, and how sweet she was! I wished she would speak. +But evidently she was absorbed in her own thoughts, +her own young-girl dreams, and found a dearer pleasure +in silence. But she was not dreaming sleepy dreams—no, +she was awake, alive, alert, she could not sit still +a moment. She was an enchanting study. Her gown was +of a soft white silky stuff that clung to her round +young figure like a fish's skin, and it was rippled +over with the gracefulest little fringy films of lace; +she had deep, tender eyes, with long, curved lashes; +and she had peachy cheeks, and a dimpled chin, and such +a dear little rosebud of a mouth; and she was so dovelike, +so pure, and so gracious, so sweet and so bewitching. +For long hours I did mightily wish she would speak. +And at last she did; the red lips parted, and out leaps her +thought—and with such a guileless and pretty enthusiasm, +too: "Auntie, I just KNOW I've got five hundred fleas +on me!" + +<p>That was probably over the average. Yes, it must have been +very much over the average. The average at that time +in the Grand Duchy of Baden was forty-five to a young +person (when alone), according to the official estimate +of the home secretary for that year; the average for older +people was shifty and indeterminable, for whenever a +wholesome young girl came into the presence of her elders +she immediately lowered their average and raised her own. +She became a sort of contribution-box. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p088"></a><img alt="p088.jpg (29K)" src="images/p088.jpg" height="481" width="327"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>This dear young +thing in the theater had been sitting there unconsciously +taking up a collection. Many a skinny old being in our +neighborhood was the happier and the restfuler for her coming. + +<p>In that large audience, that night, there were eight very +conspicuous people. These were ladies who had their hats +or bonnets on. What a blessed thing it would be if a lady +could make herself conspicuous in our theaters by wearing +her hat. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p089a"></a><img alt="p089a.jpg (17K)" src="images/p089a.jpg" height="407" width="245"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>It is not usual in Europe to allow ladies +and gentlemen to take bonnets, hats, overcoats, canes, +or umbrellas into the auditorium, but in Mannheim this +rule was not enforced because the audiences were largely +made up of people from a distance, and among these were +always a few timid ladies who were afraid that if they had +to go into an anteroom to get their things when the play +was over, they would miss their train. But the great mass +of those who came from a distance always ran the risk +and took the chances, preferring the loss of a train +to a breach of good manners and the discomfort of being +unpleasantly conspicuous during a stretch of three or four hours. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p089b"></a><img alt="p089b.jpg (17K)" src="images/p089b.jpg" height="227" width="561"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br><br><br> + + + + +<a name="ch10"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER X</h2> +<h3>[How Wagner Operas Bang Along]</h3></center> +<br><br> + +<p>Three or four hours. That is a long time to sit in one place, +whether one be conspicuous or not, yet some of Wagner's +operas bang along for six whole hours on a stretch! +But the people sit there and enjoy it all, and wish it +would last longer. A German lady in Munich told me +that a person could not like Wagner's music at first, +but must go through the deliberate process of learning +to like it—then he would have his sure reward; +for when he had learned to like it he would hunger +for it and never be able to get enough of it. She said +that six hours of Wagner was by no means too much. +She said that this composer had made a complete revolution +in music and was burying the old masters one by one. +And she said that Wagner's operas differed from all others +in one notable respect, and that was that they were not +merely spotted with music here and there, but were ALL music, +from the first strain to the last. This surprised me. +I said I had attended one of his insurrections, and found +hardly ANY music in it except the Wedding Chorus. +She said "Lohengrin" was noisier than Wagner's other operas, +but that if I would keep on going to see it I would find +by and by that it was all music, and therefore would +then enjoy it. I COULD have said, "But would you advise +a person to deliberately practice having a toothache +in the pit of his stomach for a couple of years in order +that he might then come to enjoy it?" But I reserved +that remark. + +<p>This lady was full of the praises of the head-tenor +who had performed in a Wagner opera the night before, +and went on to enlarge upon his old and prodigious fame, +and how many honors had been lavished upon him by the +princely houses of Germany. Here was another surprise. +I had attended that very opera, in the person of my agent, +and had made close and accurate observations. So I +said: + +<p>"Why, madam, MY experience warrants me in stating +that that tenor's voice is not a voice at all, +but only a shriek—the shriek of a hyena." + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p091"></a><img alt="p091.jpg (7K)" src="images/p091.jpg" height="301" width="179"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>"That is very true," she said; "he cannot sing now; +it is already many years that he has lost his voice, +but in other times he sang, yes, divinely! So whenever +he comes now, you shall see, yes, that the theater +will not hold the people. JAWOHL BEI GOTT! his voice +is WUNDERSCHOEN in that past time." + +<p>I said she was discovering to me a kindly trait in the +Germans which was worth emulating. I said that over +the water we were not quite so generous; that with us, +when a singer had lost his voice and a jumper had lost +his legs, these parties ceased to draw. I said I had been +to the opera in Hanover, once, and in Mannheim once, +and in Munich (through my authorized agent) once, and this +large experience had nearly persuaded me that the Germans +PREFERRED singers who couldn't sing. This was not such +a very extravagant speech, either, for that burly Mannheim +tenor's praises had been the talk of all Heidelberg for +a week before his performance took place—yet his voice +was like the distressing noise which a nail makes when you +screech it across a window-pane. I said so to Heidelberg +friends the next day, and they said, in the calmest and +simplest way, that that was very true, but that in earlier +times his voice HAD been wonderfully fine. And the tenor +in Hanover was just another example of this sort. +The English-speaking German gentleman who went with me +to the opera there was brimming with enthusiasm over that tenor. +He said: + +<p>"ACH GOTT! a great man! You shall see him. He is so celebrate +in all Germany—and he has a pension, yes, from the government. +He not obliged to sing now, only twice every year; +but if he not sing twice each year they take him his pension +away." + +<p>Very well, we went. When the renowned old tenor appeared, +I got a nudge and an excited whisper: + +<p>"Now you see him!" + +<p>But the "celebrate" was an astonishing disappointment to me. +If he had been behind a screen I should have supposed +they were performing a surgical operation on him. +I looked at my friend—to my great surprise he seemed +intoxicated with pleasure, his eyes were dancing +with eager delight. When the curtain at last fell, +he burst into the stormiest applause, and kept it up—as +did the whole house—until the afflictive tenor had +come three times before the curtain to make his bow. +While the glowing enthusiast was swabbing the perspiration +from his face, I said: + +<p>"I don't mean the least harm, but really, now, do you +think he can sing?" + +<p>"Him? NO! GOTT IM HIMMEL, ABER, how he has been able to +sing twenty-five years ago?" [Then pensively.] "ACH, no, +NOW he not sing any more, he only cry. When he think +he sing, now, he not sing at all, no, he only make +like a cat which is unwell." + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p092"></a><img alt="p092.jpg (8K)" src="images/p092.jpg" height="297" width="205"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>Where and how did we get the idea that the Germans +are a stolid, phlegmatic race? In truth, they are +widely removed from that. They are warm-hearted, +emotional, impulsive, enthusiastic, their tears come +at the mildest touch, and it is not hard to move them +to laughter. They are the very children of impulse. +We are cold and self-contained, compared to the Germans. +They hug and kiss and cry and shout and dance and sing; +and where we use one loving, petting expressions they pour +out a score. Their language is full of endearing diminutives; +nothing that they love escapes the application of a petting +diminutive—neither the house, nor the dog, nor the horse, +nor the grandmother, nor any other creature, animate or +inanimate. + +<p>In the theaters at Hanover, Hamburg, and Mannheim, +they had a wise custom. The moment the curtain went up, +the light in the body of the house went down. +The audience sat in the cool gloom of a deep twilight, +which greatly enhanced the glowing splendors of the stage. +It saved gas, too, and people were not sweated to death. + +<p>When I saw "King Lear" played, nobody was allowed to see +a scene shifted; if there was nothing to be done but slide +a forest out of the way and expose a temple beyond, one did +not see that forest split itself in the middle and go +shrieking away, with the accompanying disenchanting spectacle +of the hands and heels of the impelling impulse—no, +the curtain was always dropped for an instant—one heard +not the least movement behind it—but when it went up, +the next instant, the forest was gone. Even when the +stage was being entirely reset, one heard no noise. +During the whole time that "King Lear" was playing +the curtain was never down two minutes at any one time. +The orchestra played until the curtain was ready to go up +for the first time, then they departed for the evening. +Where the stage waits never each two minutes there is no +occasion for music. I had never seen this two-minute +business between acts but once before, and that was when +the "Shaughraun" was played at Wallack's. + +<p>I was at a concert in Munich one night, the people +were streaming in, the clock-hand pointed to seven, +the music struck up, and instantly all movement in +the body of the house ceased—nobody was standing, +or walking up the aisles, or fumbling with a seat, +the stream of incomers had suddenly dried up at its source. +I listened undisturbed to a piece of music that was fifteen +minutes long—always expecting some tardy ticket-holders +to come crowding past my knees, and being continuously and +pleasantly disappointed—but when the last note was struck, +here came the stream again. You see, they had made +those late comers wait in the comfortable waiting-parlor +from the time the music had begin until it was ended. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p094"></a><img alt="p094.jpg (29K)" src="images/p094.jpg" height="383" width="435"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>It was the first time I had ever seen this sort of +criminals denied the privilege of destroying the comfort +of a house full of their betters. Some of these were +pretty fine birds, but no matter, they had to tarry +outside in the long parlor under the inspection of +a double rank of liveried footmen and waiting-maids +who supported the two walls with their backs and held +the wraps and traps of their masters and mistresses on their +arms. + +<p>We had no footmen to hold our things, and it was not +permissible to take them into the concert-room; but there +were some men and women to take charge of them for us. +They gave us checks for them and charged a fixed price, +payable in advance—five cents. + +<p>In Germany they always hear one thing at an opera +which has never yet been heard in America, perhaps—I +mean the closing strain of a fine solo or duet. +We always smash into it with an earthquake of applause. +The result is that we rob ourselves of the sweetest +part of the treat; we get the whiskey, but we don't get +the sugar in the bottom of the glass. + +<p>Our way of scattering applause along through an act seems +to me to be better than the Mannheim way of saving it +all up till the act is ended. I do not see how an actor +can forget himself and portray hot passion before a cold +still audience. I should think he would feel foolish. +It is a pain to me to this day, to remember how that old +German Lear raged and wept and howled around the stage, +with never a response from that hushed house, never a +single outburst till the act was ended. To me there was +something unspeakably uncomfortable in the solemn dead +silences that always followed this old person's tremendous +outpourings of his feelings. I could not help putting +myself in his place—I thought I knew how sick and flat +he felt during those silences, because I remembered a case +which came under my observation once, and which—but I +will tell the incident: + +<p>One evening on board a Mississippi steamboat, a boy of ten +years lay asleep in a berth—a long, slim-legged boy, +he was, encased in quite a short shirt; it was the first +time he had ever made a trip on a steamboat, and so he +was troubled, and scared, and had gone to bed with his +head filled with impending snaggings, and explosions, +and conflagrations, and sudden death. About ten o'clock +some twenty ladies were sitting around about the ladies' +saloon, quietly reading, sewing, embroidering, and so on, +and among them sat a sweet, benignant old dame with round +spectacles on her nose and her busy knitting-needles +in her hands. Now all of a sudden, into the midst of this +peaceful scene burst that slim-shanked boy in the brief shirt, +wild-eyed, erect-haired, and shouting, "Fire, fire! +JUMP AND RUN, THE BOAT'S AFIRE AND THERE AIN'T A MINUTE +TO LOSE!" All those ladies looked sweetly up and smiled, +nobody stirred, the old lady pulled her spectacles down, +looked over them, and said, gently: + +<p>"But you mustn't catch cold, child. Run and put on +your breastpin, and then come and tell us all about it." + +<p>It was a cruel chill to give to a poor little devil's +gushing vehemence. He was expecting to be a sort of +hero—the creator of a wild panic—and here everybody +sat and smiled a mocking smile, and an old woman made +fun of his bugbear. I turned and crept away—for I +was that boy—and never even cared to discover whether +I had dreamed the fire or actually seen it. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p096"></a><img alt="p096.jpg (29K)" src="images/p096.jpg" height="343" width="483"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>I am told that in a German concert or opera, they hardly +ever encore a song; that though they may be dying to hear +it again, their good breeding usually preserves them +against requiring the repetition. + +<p>Kings may encore; that is quite another matter; +it delights everybody to see that the King is pleased; +and as to the actor encored, his pride and gratification +are simply boundless. Still, there are circumstances +in which even a royal encore— + +<p>But it is better to illustrate. The King of Bavaria is +a poet, and has a poet's eccentricities—with the advantage +over all other poets of being able to gratify them, +no matter what form they may take. He is fond of opera, +but not fond of sitting in the presence of an audience; +therefore, it has sometimes occurred, in Munich, +that when an opera has been concluded and the players +were getting off their paint and finery, a command has +come to them to get their paint and finery on again. +Presently the King would arrive, solitary and alone, +and the players would begin at the beginning and do the +entire opera over again with only that one individual +in the vast solemn theater for audience. Once he took +an odd freak into his head. High up and out of sight, +over the prodigious stage of the court theater is a maze +of interlacing water-pipes, so pierced that in case +of fire, innumerable little thread-like streams of +water can be caused to descend; and in case of need, +this discharge can be augmented to a pouring flood. +American managers might want to make a note of that. +The King was sole audience. The opera proceeded, +it was a piece with a storm in it; the mimic thunder +began to mutter, the mimic wind began to wail and sough, +and the mimic rain to patter. The King's interest rose +higher and higher; it developed into enthusiasm. He cried +out: + +<p>"It is very, very good, indeed! But I will have real +rain! Turn on the water!" + +<p>The manager pleaded for a reversal of the command; said it +would ruin the costly scenery and the splendid costumes, +but the King cried: + +<p>"No matter, no matter, I will have real rain! Turn +on the water!" + +<p>So the real rain was turned on and began to descend in +gossamer lances to the mimic flower-beds and gravel walks +of the stage. The richly dressed actresses and actors +tripped about singing bravely and pretending not to mind it. +The King was delighted—his enthusiasm grew higher. +He cried out: + +<p>"Bravo, bravo! More thunder! more lightning! turn +on more rain!" + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p098"></a><img alt="p098.jpg (37K)" src="images/p098.jpg" height="387" width="481"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>The thunder boomed, the lightning glared, the storm-winds raged, +the deluge poured down. The mimic royalty on the stage, +with their soaked satins clinging to their bodies, +slopped about ankle-deep in water, warbling their sweetest +and best, the fiddlers under the eaves of the state sawed +away for dear life, with the cold overflow spouting down +the backs of their necks, and the dry and happy King sat +in his lofty box and wore his gloves to ribbons applauding. + +<p>"More yet!" cried the King; "more yet—let loose all +the thunder, turn on all the water! I will hang the man +that raises an umbrella!" + +<p>When this most tremendous and effective storm that had +ever been produced in any theater was at last over, +the King's approbation was measureless. He cried: + +<p>"Magnificent, magnificent! ENCORE! Do it again!" + +<p>But the manager succeeded in persuading him to recall +the encore, and said the company would feel sufficiently +rewarded and complimented in the mere fact that the +encore was desired by his Majesty, without fatiguing +him with a repetition to gratify their own vanity. + +<p>During the remainder of the act the lucky performers +were those whose parts required changes of dress; +the others were a soaked, bedraggled, and uncomfortable lot, +but in the last degree picturesque. The stage scenery +was ruined, trap-doors were so swollen that they wouldn't +work for a week afterward, the fine costumes were spoiled, +and no end of minor damages were done by that remarkable storm. + +<p>It was royal idea—that storm—and royally carried out. +But observe the moderation of the King; he did not +insist upon his encore. If he had been a gladsome, +unreflecting American opera-audience, he probably would +have had his storm repeated and repeated until he drowned +all those people. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p099"></a><img alt="p099.jpg (29K)" src="images/p099.jpg" height="459" width="317"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br><br><br> + + + +<a name="ch11"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XI</h2> +<h3>[I Paint a "Turner"]</h3></center> +<br><br> + +<p>The summer days passed pleasantly in Heidelberg. +We had a skilled trainer, and under his instructions we +were getting our legs in the right condition for the +contemplated pedestrian tours; we were well satisfied +with the progress which we had made in the German language, +[1. See Appendix D for information concerning this +fearful tongue.] and more than satisfied with what we had +accomplished in art. We had had the best instructors in +drawing and painting in Germany—Haemmerling, Vogel, Mueller, +Dietz, and Schumann. Haemmerling taught us landscape-painting. +Vogel taught us figure-drawing, Mueller taught us to do +still-life, and Dietz and Schumann gave us a finishing +course in two specialties—battle-pieces and shipwrecks. +Whatever I am in Art I owe to these men. I have something +of the manner of each and all of them; but they all said that I +had also a manner of my own, and that it was conspicuous. +They said there was a marked individuality about my +style—insomuch that if I ever painted the commonest +type of a dog, I should be sure to throw a something +into the aspect of that dog which would keep him from +being mistaken for the creation of any other artist. +Secretly I wanted to believe all these kind sayings, +but I could not; I was afraid that my masters' +partiality for me, and pride in me, biased their judgment. +So I resolved to make a test. Privately, and unknown +to any one, I painted my great picture, "Heidelberg Castle +Illuminated"—my first really important work in oils—and +had it hung up in the midst of a wilderness of oil-pictures +in the Art Exhibition, with no name attached to it. To my +great gratification it was instantly recognized as mine. +All the town flocked to see it, and people even came from +neighboring localities to visit it. It made more stir than +any other work in the Exhibition. But the most gratifying +thing of all was, that chance strangers, passing through, +who had not heard of my picture, were not only drawn to it, +as by a lodestone, the moment they entered the gallery, +but always took it for a "Turner." + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p101"></a><img alt="p101.jpg (45K)" src="images/p101.jpg" height="587" width="453"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>Apparently nobody had ever done that. There were ruined +castles on the overhanging cliffs and crags all the way; +these were said to have their legends, like those on the Rhine, +and what was better still, they had never been in print. +There was nothing in the books about that lovely region; +it had been neglected by the tourist, it was virgin soil for +the literary pioneer. + +<p>Meantime the knapsacks, the rough walking-suits and the stout +walking-shoes which we had ordered, were finished and brought +to us. A Mr. X and a young Mr. Z had agreed to go with us. +We went around one evening and bade good-by to our friends, +and afterward had a little farewell banquet at the hotel. +We got to bed early, for we wanted to make an early start, +so as to take advantage of the cool of the morning. + +<p>We were out of bed at break of day, feeling fresh +and vigorous, and took a hearty breakfast, then plunged +down through the leafy arcades of the Castle grounds, +toward the town. What a glorious summer morning it was, +and how the flowers did pour out their fragrance, +and how the birds did sing! It was just the time for a +tramp through the woods and mountains. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p103"></a><img alt="p103.jpg (24K)" src="images/p103.jpg" height="467" width="341"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>We were all dressed alike: broad slouch hats, to keep the +sun off; gray knapsacks; blue army shirts; blue overalls; +leathern gaiters buttoned tight from knee down to ankle; +high-quarter coarse shoes snugly laced. Each man had +an opera-glass, a canteen, and a guide-book case slung +over his shoulder, and carried an alpenstock in one hand +and a sun-umbrella in the other. Around our hats were +wound many folds of soft white muslin, with the ends +hanging and flapping down our backs—an idea brought +from the Orient and used by tourists all over Europe. +Harris carried the little watch-like machine called +a "pedometer," whose office is to keep count of a man's +steps and tell how far he has walked. Everybody stopped +to admire our costumes and give us a hearty "Pleasant march +to you!" + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p104"></a><img alt="p104.jpg (32K)" src="images/p104.jpg" height="477" width="337"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>When we got downtown I found that we could go by rail to +within five miles of Heilbronn. The train was just starting, +so we jumped aboard and went tearing away in splendid spirits. +It was agreed all around that we had done wisely, +because it would be just as enjoyable to walk DOWN the Neckar +as up it, and it could not be needful to walk both ways. +There were some nice German people in our compartment. +I got to talking some pretty private matters presently, +and Harris became nervous; so he nudged me and said: + +<p>"Speak in German—these Germans may understand English." + +<p>I did so, it was well I did; for it turned out that there +was not a German in that party who did not understand +English perfectly. It is curious how widespread our language +is in Germany. After a while some of those folks got out +and a German gentleman and his two young daughters got in. +I spoke in German of one of the latter several times, +but without result. Finally she said: + +<p>"ICH VERSTEHE NUR DEUTCH UND ENGLISHE,"—or words to +that effect. That is, "I don't understand any language +but German and English." + +<p>And sure enough, not only she but her father and sister +spoke English. So after that we had all the talk we wanted; +and we wanted a good deal, for they were agreeable people. +They were greatly interested in our customs; especially +the alpenstocks, for they had not seen any before. +They said that the Neckar road was perfectly level, so we +must be going to Switzerland or some other rugged country; +and asked us if we did not find the walking pretty fatiguing +in such warm weather. But we said no. + +<p>We reached Wimpfen—I think it was Wimpfen—in about +three hours, and got out, not the least tired; found a +good hotel and ordered beer and dinner—then took +a stroll through the venerable old village. It was very +picturesque and tumble-down, and dirty and interesting. +It had queer houses five hundred years old in it, +and a military tower 115 feet high, which had stood there +more than ten centuries. I made a little sketch of it. +I kept a copy, but gave the original to the Burgomaster. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p105a"></a><img alt="p105a.jpg (20K)" src="images/p105a.jpg" height="403" width="293"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>I think the original was better than the copy, because it +had more windows in it and the grass stood up better and had +a brisker look. There was none around the tower, though; +I composed the grass myself, from studies I made in a field +by Heidelberg in Haemmerling's time. The man on top, +looking at the view, is apparently too large, but I found +he could not be made smaller, conveniently. I wanted +him there, and I wanted him visible, so I thought out a +way to manage it; I composed the picture from two points +of view; the spectator is to observe the man from bout +where that flag is, and he must observe the tower itself +from the ground. This harmonizes the seeming discrepancy. +[Figure 2] + +<p>Near an old cathedral, under a shed, were three crosses +of stone—moldy and damaged things, bearing life-size +stone figures. The two thieves were dressed in the fanciful +court costumes of the middle of the sixteenth century, +while the Saviour was nude, with the exception of a cloth +around the loins. + +<p>We had dinner under the green trees in a garden belonging +to the hotel and overlooking the Neckar; then, after a smoke, +we went to bed. We had a refreshing nap, then got up +about three in the afternoon and put on our panoply. +As we tramped gaily out at the gate of the town, +we overtook a peasant's cart, partly laden with odds and +ends of cabbages and similar vegetable rubbish, and drawn +by a small cow and a smaller donkey yoked together. +It was a pretty slow concern, but it got us into Heilbronn +before dark—five miles, or possibly it was seven. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p105b"></a><img alt="p105b.jpg (37K)" src="images/p105b.jpg" height="299" width="555"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>We stopped at the very same inn which the famous old +robber-knight and rough fighter Goetz von Berlichingen, +abode in after he got out of captivity in the Square Tower +of Heilbronn between three hundred and fifty and four hundred +years ago. Harris and I occupied the same room which he +had occupied and the same paper had not quite peeled off +the walls yet. The furniture was quaint old carved stuff, +full four hundred years old, and some of the smells +were over a thousand. There was a hook in the wall, +which the landlord said the terrific old Goetz used to +hang his iron hand on when he took it off to go to bed. +This room was very large—it might be called +immense—and it was on the first floor; which means it was in +the second story, for in Europe the houses are so high +that they do not count the first story, else they +would get tired climbing before they got to the top. +The wallpaper was a fiery red, with huge gold figures in it, +well smirched by time, and it covered all the doors. +These doors fitted so snugly and continued the figures +of the paper so unbrokenly, that when they were closed +one had to go feeling and searching along the wall +to find them. There was a stove in the corner—one +of those tall, square, stately white porcelain things +that looks like a monument and keeps you thinking +of death when you ought to be enjoying your travels. +The windows looked out on a little alley, and over that +into a stable and some poultry and pig yards in the rear +of some tenement-houses. There were the customary two beds +in the room, one in one end, the other in the other, +about an old-fashioned brass-mounted, single-barreled +pistol-shot apart. They were fully as narrow as the usual +German bed, too, and had the German bed's ineradicable +habit of spilling the blankets on the floor every time +you forgot yourself and went to sleep. + +<p>A round table as large as King Arthur's stood in the +center of the room; while the waiters were getting +ready to serve our dinner on it we all went out to see +the renowned clock on the front of the municipal buildings. + + +<br><br><br><br><br><br> +<a name="ch12"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XII</h2> +<h3>[What the Wives Saved]</h3></center> +<br><br> + + +<p>The RATHHAUS, or municipal building, is of the quaintest +and most picturesque Middle-Age architecture. It has a +massive portico and steps, before it, heavily balustraded, +and adorned with life-sized rusty iron knights in +complete armor. The clock-face on the front of the building +is very large and of curious pattern. Ordinarily, a gilded +angel strikes the hour on a big bell with a hammer; +as the striking ceases, a life-sized figure of Time raises +its hour-glass and turns it; two golden rams advance +and butt each other; a gilded cock lifts its wings; +but the main features are two great angels, who stand +on each side of the dial with long horns at their lips; +it was said that they blew melodious blasts on these +horns every hour—but they did not do it for us. +We were told, later, than they blew only at night, +when the town was still. + +<p>Within the RATHHAUS were a number of huge wild boars' +heads, preserved, and mounted on brackets along the wall; +they bore inscriptions telling who killed them and how many +hundred years ago it was done. One room in the building +was devoted to the preservation of ancient archives. +There they showed us no end of aged documents; some were +signed by Popes, some by Tilly and other great generals, +and one was a letter written and subscribed by Goetz von +Berlichingen in Heilbronn in 1519 just after his release +from the Square Tower. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p109"></a><img alt="p109.jpg (85K)" src="images/p109.jpg" height="895" width="601"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>This fine old robber-knight was a devoutly and sincerely +religious man, hospitable, charitable to the poor, +fearless in fight, active, enterprising, and possessed +of a large and generous nature. He had in him a +quality of being able to overlook moderate injuries, +and being able to forgive and forget mortal ones as +soon as he had soundly trounced the authors of them. +He was prompt to take up any poor devil's quarrel and risk +his neck to right him. The common folk held him dear, +and his memory is still green in ballad and tradition. +He used to go on the highway and rob rich wayfarers; +and other times he would swoop down from his high castle +on the hills of the Neckar and capture passing cargoes +of merchandise. In his memoirs he piously thanks the +Giver of all Good for remembering him in his needs and +delivering sundry such cargoes into his hands at times +when only special providences could have relieved him. +He was a doughty warrior and found a deep joy in battle. +In an assault upon a stronghold in Bavaria when he was +only twenty-three years old, his right hand was shot away, +but he was so interested in the fight that he did not +observe it for a while. He said that the iron hand +which was made for him afterward, and which he wore for +more than half a century, was nearly as clever a member +as the fleshy one had been. I was glad to get a facsimile +of the letter written by this fine old German Robin Hood, +though I was not able to read it. He was a better artist +with his sword than with his pen. + +<p>We went down by the river and saw the Square Tower. +It was a very venerable structure, very strong, +and very ornamental. There was no opening near the ground. +They had to use a ladder to get into it, no doubt. + +<p>We visited the principal church, also—a curious +old structure, with a towerlike spire adorned with all +sorts of grotesque images. The inner walls of the church +were placarded with large mural tablets of copper, +bearing engraved inscriptions celebrating the merits +of old Heilbronn worthies of two or three centuries ago, +and also bearing rudely painted effigies of themselves +and their families tricked out in the queer costumes of +those days. The head of the family sat in the foreground, +and beyond him extended a sharply receding and diminishing +row of sons; facing him sat his wife, and beyond +her extended a low row of diminishing daughters. +The family was usually large, but the perspective bad. + +<p>Then we hired the hack and the horse which Goetz von +Berlichingen used to use, and drove several miles into +the country to visit the place called WEIBERTREU—Wife's +Fidelity I suppose it means. It was a feudal castle +of the Middle Ages. When we reached its neighborhood we +found it was beautifully situated, but on top of a mound, +or hill, round and tolerably steep, and about two hundred +feet high. Therefore, as the sun was blazing hot, +we did not climb up there, but took the place on trust, +and observed it from a distance while the horse leaned up +against a fence and rested. The place has no interest +except that which is lent it by its legend, which is +a very pretty one—to this effect: + +<p>THE LEGEND + +<p>In the Middle Ages, a couple of young dukes, brothers, +took opposite sides in one of the wars, the one fighting +for the Emperor, the other against him. One of them +owned the castle and village on top of the mound which I +have been speaking of, and in his absence his brother +came with his knights and soldiers and began a siege. +It was a long and tedious business, for the people +made a stubborn and faithful defense. But at last +their supplies ran out and starvation began its work; +more fell by hunger than by the missiles of the enemy. +They by and by surrendered, and begged for charitable terms. +But the beleaguering prince was so incensed against them +for their long resistance that he said he would spare none +but the women and children—all men should be put to the +sword without exception, and all their goods destroyed. +Then the women came and fell on their knees and begged for +the lives of their husbands. + +<p>"No," said the prince, "not a man of them shall escape alive; +you yourselves shall go with your children into houseless +and friendless banishment; but that you may not starve +I grant you this one grace, that each woman may bear +with her from this place as much of her most valuable +property as she is able to carry." + +<p>Very well, presently the gates swung open and out filed +those women carrying their HUSBANDS on their shoulders. +The besiegers, furious at the trick, rushed forward +to slaughter the men, but the Duke stepped between and +said: + +<p>"No, put up your swords—a prince's word is inviolable." + +<p>When we got back to the hotel, King Arthur's Round Table +was ready for us in its white drapery, and the head waiter +and his first assistant, in swallow-tails and white cravats, +brought in the soup and the hot plates at once. + +<p>Mr. X had ordered the dinner, and when the wine came on, +he picked up a bottle, glanced at the label, and then turned +to the grave, the melancholy, the sepulchral head waiter +and said it was not the sort of wine he had asked for. +The head waiter picked up the bottle, cast his undertaker-eye +on it and said: + +<p>"It is true; I beg pardon." Then he turned on his +subordinate and calmly said, "Bring another label." + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p111"></a><img alt="p111.jpg (22K)" src="images/p111.jpg" height="627" width="261"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>At the same time he slid the present label off with his hand +and laid it aside; it had been newly put on, its paste +was still wet. When the new label came, he put it on; +our French wine being now turned into German wine, +according to desire, the head waiter went blandly about his +other duties, as if the working of this sort of miracle +was a common and easy thing to him. + +<p>Mr. X said he had not known, before, that there were +people honest enough to do this miracle in public, +but he was aware that thousands upon thousands of labels +were imported into America from Europe every year, +to enable dealers to furnish to their customers in a quiet +and inexpensive way all the different kinds of foreign +wines they might require. + +<p>We took a turn around the town, after dinner, and found +it fully as interesting in the moonlight as it had been +in the daytime. The streets were narrow and roughly paved, +and there was not a sidewalk or a street-lamp anywhere. +The dwellings were centuries old, and vast enough for hotels. +They widened all the way up; the stories projected +further and further forward and aside as they ascended, +and the long rows of lighted windows, filled with little bits +of panes, curtained with figured white muslin and adorned +outside with boxes of flowers, made a pretty effect. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p112"></a><img alt="p112.jpg (34K)" src="images/p112.jpg" height="559" width="317"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>The moon was bright, and the light and shadow very strong; +and nothing could be more picturesque than those curving +streets, with their rows of huge high gables leaning +far over toward each other in a friendly gossiping way, +and the crowds below drifting through the alternating blots +of gloom and mellow bars of moonlight. Nearly everybody +was abroad, chatting, singing, romping, or massed in lazy +comfortable attitudes in the doorways. + +<p>In one place there was a public building which was +fenced about with a thick, rusty chain, which sagged +from post to post in a succession of low swings. +The pavement, here, was made of heavy blocks of stone. +In the glare of the moon a party of barefooted children +were swinging on those chains and having a noisy good time. +They were not the first ones who have done that; +even their great-great-grandfathers had not been the first +to do it when they were children. The strokes of the bare +feet had worn grooves inches deep in the stone flags; +it had taken many generations of swinging children to +accomplish that. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p113"></a><img alt="p113.jpg (39K)" src="images/p113.jpg" height="453" width="575"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>Everywhere in the town were the mold +and decay that go with antiquity, and evidence of it; +but I do not know that anything else gave us so vivid +a sense of the old age of Heilbronn as those footworn +grooves in the paving-stones. + + + + +<br><br><br><br><br><br> +<a name="ch13"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XIII</h2> +<h3>[My Long Crawl in the Dark]</h3></center> +<br><br> + + + +<p>When we got back to the hotel I wound and set the +pedometer and put it in my pocket, for I was to carry +it next day and keep record of the miles we made. +The work which we had given the instrument to do during +the day which had just closed had not fatigued it perceptibly. + +<p>We were in bed by ten, for we wanted to be up and away on +our tramp homeward with the dawn. I hung fire, but Harris +went to sleep at once. I hate a man who goes to sleep +at once; there is a sort of indefinable something about it +which is not exactly an insult, and yet is an insolence; +and one which is hard to bear, too. I lay there fretting +over this injury, and trying to go to sleep; but the harder +I tried, the wider awake I grew. I got to feeling very lonely +in the dark, with no company but an undigested dinner. +My mind got a start by and by, and began to consider the +beginning of every subject which has ever been thought of; +but it never went further than the beginning; it was touch +and go; it fled from topic to topic with a frantic speed. +At the end of an hour my head was in a perfect whirl and I +was dead tired, fagged out. + +<p>The fatigue was so great that it presently began to make some +head against the nervous excitement; while imagining myself +wide awake, I would really doze into momentary unconsciousness, +and come suddenly out of it with a physical jerk which nearly +wrenched my joints apart—the delusion of the instant +being that I was tumbling backward over a precipice. +After I had fallen over eight or nine precipices and thus +found out that one half of my brain had been asleep eight +or nine times without the wide-awake, hard-working other +half suspecting it, the periodical unconsciousnesses +began to extend their spell gradually over more of my +brain-territory, and at last I sank into a drowse which +grew deeper and deeper and was doubtless just on the very +point of being a solid, blessed dreamless stupor, when—what was +that? + +<p>My dulled faculties dragged themselves partly back to life +and took a receptive attitude. Now out of an immense, +a limitless distance, came a something which grew and grew, +and approached, and presently was recognizable as a +sound—it had rather seemed to be a feeling, before. This sound +was a mile away, now—perhaps it was the murmur of a storm; +and now it was nearer—not a quarter of a mile away; +was it the muffled rasping and grinding of distant +machinery? No, it came still nearer; was it the measured +tramp of a marching troop? But it came nearer still, +and still nearer—and at last it was right in the room: it +was merely a mouse gnawing the woodwork. So I had held my +breath all that time for such a trifle. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p115"></a><img alt="p115.jpg (72K)" src="images/p115.jpg" height="825" width="287"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>Well, what was done could not be helped; I would go +to sleep at once and make up the lost time. That was +a thoughtless thought. Without intending it—hardly +knowing it—I fell to listening intently to that sound, +and even unconsciously counting the strokes of the mouse's +nutmeg-grater. Presently I was deriving exquisite suffering +from this employment, yet maybe I could have endured +it if the mouse had attended steadily to his work; +but he did not do that; he stopped every now and then, +and I suffered more while waiting and listening for +him to begin again than I did while he was gnawing. +Along at first I was mentally offering a reward +of five—six—seven—ten—dollars for that mouse; +but toward the last I was offering rewards which were +entirely beyond my means. I close-reefed my +ears—that is to say, I bent the flaps of them down and furled +them into five or six folds, and pressed them against +the hearing-orifice—but it did no good: the faculty +was so sharpened by nervous excitement that it was become +a microphone and could hear through the overlays without trouble. + +<p> +My anger grew to a frenzy. I finally did what all persons +before me have done, clear back to Adam,—resolved to +throw something. I reached down and got my walking-shoes, +then sat up in bed and listened, in order to exactly locate +the noise. But I couldn't do it; it was as unlocatable +as a cricket's noise; and where one thinks that that is, +is always the very place where it isn't. So I presently +hurled a shoe at random, and with a vicious vigor. +It struck the wall over Harris's head and fell down on him; +I had not imagined I could throw so far. It woke Harris, +and I was glad of it until I found he was not angry; +then I was sorry. He soon went to sleep again, +which pleased me; but straightway the mouse began again, +which roused my temper once more. I did not want to wake +Harris a second time, but the gnawing continued until I +was compelled to throw the other shoe. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p117"></a><img alt="p117.jpg (29K)" src="images/p117.jpg" height="404" width="370"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>This time I broke +a mirror—there were two in the room—I got the largest one, +of course. Harris woke again, but did not complain, +and I was sorrier than ever. I resolved that I would +suffer all possible torture before I would disturb him a +third time. + +<p>The mouse eventually retired, and by and by I was sinking +to sleep, when a clock began to strike; I counted till +it was done, and was about to drowse again when another +clock began; I counted; then the two great RATHHAUS clock +angels began to send forth soft, rich, melodious blasts +from their long trumpets. I had never heard anything +that was so lovely, or weird, or mysterious—but when they +got to blowing the quarter-hours, they seemed to me to be +overdoing the thing. Every time I dropped off for the moment, +a new noise woke me. Each time I woke I missed my coverlet, +and had to reach down to the floor and get it again. + +<p>At last all sleepiness forsook me. I recognized the fact +that I was hopelessly and permanently wide awake. +Wide awake, and feverish and thirsty. When I had lain +tossing there as long as I could endure it, it occurred +to me that it would be a good idea to dress and go out in +the great square and take a refreshing wash in the fountain, +and smoke and reflect there until the remnant of the night +was gone. + +<p>I believed I could dress in the dark without waking Harris. +I had banished my shoes after the mouse, but my slippers +would do for a summer night. So I rose softly, and gradually +got on everything—down to one sock. I couldn't seem +to get on the track of that sock, any way I could fix it. +But I had to have it; so I went down on my hands and knees, +with one slipper on and the other in my hand, and began to +paw gently around and rake the floor, but with no success. +I enlarged my circle, and went on pawing and raking. +With every pressure of my knee, how the floor creaked! +and every time I chanced to rake against any article, +it seemed to give out thirty-five or thirty-six times +more noise than it would have done in the daytime. +In those cases I always stopped and held my breath till I +was sure Harris had not awakened—then I crept along again. +I moved on and on, but I could not find the sock; +I could not seem to find anything but furniture. +I could not remember that there was much furniture +in the room when I went to bed, but the place was alive +with it now —especially chairs—chairs +everywhere—had a couple of families moved in, in the mean time? And +I never could seem to GLANCE on one of those chairs, +but always struck it full and square with my head. +My temper rose, by steady and sure degrees, and as I +pawed on and on, I fell to making vicious comments under +my breath. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p118"></a><img alt="p118.jpg (36K)" src="images/p118.jpg" height="423" width="551"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>Finally, with a venomous access of irritation, I said I +would leave without the sock; so I rose up and made straight +for the door—as I supposed—and suddenly confronted my +dim spectral image in the unbroken mirror. It startled +the breath out of me, for an instant; it also showed me +that I was lost, and had no sort of idea where I was. +When I realized this, I was so angry that I had to sit +down on the floor and take hold of something to keep +from lifting the roof off with an explosion of opinion. +If there had been only one mirror, it might possibly have +helped to locate me; but there were two, and two were as +bad as a thousand; besides, these were on opposite sides +of the room. I could see the dim blur of the windows, +but in my turned-around condition they were exactly +where they ought not to be, and so they only confused me +instead of helping me. + +<p>I started to get up, and knocked down an umbrella; +it made a noise like a pistol-shot when it struck +that hard, slick, carpetless floor; I grated my teeth +and held my breath—Harris did not stir. I set the +umbrella slowly and carefully on end against the wall, +but as soon as I took my hand away, its heel slipped +from under it, and down it came again with another bang. +I shrunk together and listened a moment in silent +fury—no harm done, everything quiet. With the most painstaking +care and nicety, I stood the umbrella up once more, +took my hand away, and down it came again. + +<p>I have been strictly reared, but if it had not been +so dark and solemn and awful there in that lonely, +vast room, I do believe I should have said something +then which could not be put into a Sunday-school book +without injuring the sale of it. If my reasoning powers +had not been already sapped dry by my harassments, +I would have known better than to try to set an umbrella +on end on one of those glassy German floors in the dark; +it can't be done in the daytime without four failures +to one success. I had one comfort, though—Harris was +yet still and silent—he had not stirred. + +<p>The umbrella could not locate me—there were four +standing around the room, and all alike. I thought I +would feel along the wall and find the door in that way. +I rose up and began this operation, but raked down +a picture. It was not a large one, but it made noise +enough for a panorama. Harris gave out no sound, but I +felt that if I experimented any further with the pictures +I should be sure to wake him. Better give up trying to +get out. Yes, I would find King Arthur's Round Table once +more—I had already found it several times—and use it +for a base of departure on an exploring tour for my bed; +if I could find my bed I could then find my water pitcher; +I would quench my raging thirst and turn in. So I started +on my hands and knees, because I could go faster that way, +and with more confidence, too, and not knock down things. +By and by I found the table—with my head—rubbed the +bruise a little, then rose up and started, with hands +abroad and fingers spread, to balance myself. I found +a chair; then a wall; then another chair; then a sofa; +then an alpenstock, then another sofa; this confounded me, +for I had thought there was only one sofa. I hunted +up the table again and took a fresh start; found some +more chairs. + +<p>It occurred to me, now, as it ought to have done before, +that as the table was round, it was therefore of no +value as a base to aim from; so I moved off once more, +and at random among the wilderness of chairs and +sofas—wandering off into unfamiliar regions, and presently knocked +a candlestick and knocked off a lamp, grabbed at the lamp +and knocked off a water pitcher with a rattling crash, +and thought to myself, "I've found you at last—I +judged I was close upon you." Harris shouted "murder," +and "thieves," and finished with "I'm absolutely drowned." + +<p>The crash had roused the house. Mr. X pranced in, +in his long night-garment, with a candle, young Z after him +with another candle; a procession swept in at another door, +with candles and lanterns—landlord and two German guests +in their nightgowns and a chambermaid in hers. + +<p>I looked around; I was at Harris's bed, a Sabbath-day's +journey from my own. There was only one sofa; it was against +the wall; there was only one chair where a body could get +at it—I had been revolving around it like a planet, +and colliding with it like a comet half the night. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p121"></a><img alt="p121.jpg (52K)" src="images/p121.jpg" height="601" width="369"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>I explained how I had been employing myself, and why. +Then the landlord's party left, and the rest of us set +about our preparations for breakfast, for the dawn was +ready to break. I glanced furtively at my pedometer, +and found I had made 47 miles. But I did not care, for I +had come out for a pedestrian tour anyway. + + + +<br><br><br><br><br><br> +<a name="ch14"></a><center><h2>CHAPTER XIV</h2> +<h3>[Rafting Down the Neckar]</h3></center> +<br><br> + + + +<p>When the landlord learned that I and my agents were artists, +our party rose perceptibly in his esteem; we rose still +higher when he learned that we were making a pedestrian +tour of Europe. + +<p>He told us all about the Heidelberg road, and which +were the best places to avoid and which the best ones +to tarry at; he charged me less than cost for the things +I broke in the night; he put up a fine luncheon for us +and added to it a quantity of great light-green plums, +the pleasantest fruit in Germany; he was so anxious to do us +honor that he would not allow us to walk out of Heilbronn, +but called up Goetz von Berlichingen's horse and cab +and made us ride. + +<p>I made a sketch of the turnout. It is not a Work, it is only +what artists call a "study"—a thing to make a finished +picture from. This sketch has several blemishes in it; +for instance, the wagon is not traveling as fast as the +horse is. This is wrong. Again, the person trying to get +out of the way is too small; he is out of perspective, +as we say. The two upper lines are not the horse's back, +they are the reigns; there seems to be a wheel +missing—this would be corrected in a finished Work, of course. +This thing flying out behind is not a flag, it is a curtain. +That other thing up there is the sun, but I didn't get +enough distance on it. I do not remember, now, what that +thing is that is in front of the man who is running, +but I think it is a haystack or a woman. This study +was exhibited in the Paris Salon of 1879, but did not +take any medal; they do not give medals for studies. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p123"></a><img alt="p123.jpg (29K)" src="images/p123.jpg" height="885" width="287"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>We discharged the carriage at the bridge. The river was +full of logs—long, slender, barkless pine logs—and we +leaned on the rails of the bridge, and watched the men put +them together into rafts. These rafts were of a shape +and construction to suit the crookedness and extreme +narrowness of the Neckar. They were from fifty to one +hundred yards long, and they gradually tapered from a +nine-log breadth at their sterns, to a three-log breadth +at their bow-ends. The main part of the steering is done +at the bow, with a pole; the three-log breadth there +furnishes room for only the steersman, for these little logs +are not larger around than an average young lady's waist. +The connections of the several sections of the raft are +slack and pliant, so that the raft may be readily bent +into any sort of curve required by the shape of the river. + +<p>The Neckar is in many places so narrow that a person +can throw a dog across it, if he has one; when it is +also sharply curved in such places, the raftsman has +to do some pretty nice snug piloting to make the turns. +The river is not always allowed to spread over its whole +bed—which is as much as thirty, and sometimes forty yards +wide—but is split into three equal bodies of water, +by stone dikes which throw the main volume, depth, and current +into the central one. In low water these neat narrow-edged +dikes project four or five inches above the surface, +like the comb of a submerged roof, but in high water +they are overflowed. A hatful of rain makes high water +in the Neckar, and a basketful produces an overflow. + +<p>There are dikes abreast the Schloss Hotel, and the current +is violently swift at that point. I used to sit for hours +in my glass cage, watching the long, narrow rafts slip +along through the central channel, grazing the right-bank +dike and aiming carefully for the middle arch of the stone +bridge below; I watched them in this way, and lost all this +time hoping to see one of them hit the bridge-pier and wreck +itself sometime or other, but was always disappointed. +One was smashed there one morning, but I had just stepped +into my room a moment to light a pipe, so I lost it. + +<p>While I was looking down upon the rafts that morning +in Heilbronn, the daredevil spirit of adventure came +suddenly upon me, and I said to my comrades: + +<p>"I am going to Heidelberg on a raft. Will you venture +with me?" + +<p>Their faces paled a little, but they assented with as +good a grace as they could. Harris wanted to cable his +mother—thought it his duty to do that, as he was all +she had in this world—so, while he attended to this, +I went down to the longest and finest raft and hailed +the captain with a hearty "Ahoy, shipmate!" which put us +upon pleasant terms at once, and we entered upon business. +I said we were on a pedestrian tour to Heidelberg, +and would like to take passage with him. I said this +partly through young Z, who spoke German very well, +and partly through Mr. X, who spoke it peculiarly. I can +UNDERSTAND German as well as the maniac that invented it, +but I TALK it best through an interpreter. + +<p>The captain hitched up his trousers, then shifted +his quid thoughtfully. Presently he said just what I +was expecting he would say—that he had no license +to carry passengers, and therefore was afraid the law +would be after him in case the matter got noised about +or any accident happened. So I CHARTERED the raft +and the crew and took all the responsibilities on myself. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p125"></a><img alt="p125.jpg (58K)" src="images/p125.jpg" height="713" width="477"> +</center> +<br><br><br><br> + +<p>With a rattling song the starboard watch bent to their +work and hove the cable short, then got the anchor home, +and our bark moved off with a stately stride, and soon +was bowling along at about two knots an hour. + +<p>Our party were grouped amidships. At first the talk was +a little gloomy, and ran mainly upon the shortness of life, +the uncertainty of it, the perils which beset it, and the +need and wisdom of being always prepared for the worst; +this shaded off into low-voiced references to the dangers +of the deep, and kindred matters; but as the gray east +began to redden and the mysterious solemnity and silence +of the dawn to give place to the joy-songs of the birds, +the talk took a cheerier tone, and our spirits began to +rise steadily. + +<p>Germany, in the summer, is the perfection of the beautiful, +but nobody has understood, and realized, and enjoyed +the utmost possibilities of this soft and peaceful +beauty unless he has voyaged down the Neckar on a raft. +The motion of a raft is the needful motion; it is gentle, +and gliding, and smooth, and noiseless; it calms down +all feverish activities, it soothes to sleep all nervous +hurry and impatience; under its restful influence all the +troubles and vexations and sorrows that harass the mind +vanish away, and existence becomes a dream, a charm, +a deep and tranquil ecstasy. How it contrasts with hot +and perspiring pedestrianism, and dusty and deafening +railroad rush, and tedious jolting behind tired horses +over blinding white roads! + +<p>We went slipping silently along, between the green and +fragrant banks, with a sense of pleasure and contentment +that grew, and grew, all the time. Sometimes the banks +were overhung with thick masses of willows that wholly +hid the ground behind; sometimes we had noble hills on +one hand, clothed densely with foliage to their tops, +and on the other hand open levels blazing with poppies, +or clothed in the rich blue of the corn-flower; +sometimes we drifted in the shadow of forests, and sometimes +along the margin of long stretches of velvety grass, +fresh and green and bright, a tireless charm to the eye. +And the birds!—they were everywhere; they swept back +and forth across the river constantly, and their jubilant +music was never stilled. + +<p>It was a deep and satisfying pleasure to see the sun +create the new morning, and gradually, patiently, +lovingly, clothe it on with splendor after splendor, +and glory after glory, till the miracle was complete. +How different is this marvel observed from a raft, +from what it is when one observes it through the dingy +windows of a railway-station in some wretched village +while he munches a petrified sandwich and waits for the train. + +<br><br><br><br> +<center><a name="p127"></a><img alt="p127.jpg (23K)" src="images/p127.jpg" height="513" width="417"> +</center> +<br><br> +<br><br> + + +<p>[Transcriber's Note for edition 12: on the advice of two +German-speaking volunteers, the German letters a, o, and u with +umlauts have been rendered as ae, oe, and ue instead of as, +variously, :a, a", :o, o" and :u, u" as in previous editions.] + + + +<br> +<br> +<hr> +<br><br> + + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Tramp Abroad, Part 2 +by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD, PART 2 *** + +***** This file should be named 5783-h.htm or 5783-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.net/5/7/8/5783/ + +Produced by David Widger (Illustrated HTML version) + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + http://www.gutenberg.net + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. + + +</pre> + +</body> +</html> + + diff --git a/old/200406.5783.txt b/old/200406.5783.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0ed4421 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/200406.5783.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2198 @@ +Project Gutenberg's A Tramp Abroad, Part 2, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net + + +Title: A Tramp Abroad, Part 2 + +Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +Release Date: June 18, 2004 [EBook #5783] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD, PART 2 *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger (Illustrated HTML version) + + + + + + A TRAMP ABROAD + + By Mark Twain + (Samuel L. Clemens) + + First published in 1880 + + + Part 2. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII +The Great French Duel +[I Second Gambetta in a Terrific Duel] + +Much as the modern French duel is ridiculed by certain +smart people, it is in reality one of the most dangerous +institutions of our day. Since it is always fought in the +open air, the combatants are nearly sure to catch cold. +M. Paul de Cassagnac, the most inveterate of the French +duelists, had suffered so often in this way that he is at +last a confirmed invalid; and the best physician in Paris +has expressed the opinion that if he goes on dueling for +fifteen or twenty years more--unless he forms the habit +of fighting in a comfortable room where damps and draughts +cannot intrude--he will eventually endanger his life. +This ought to moderate the talk of those people who are +so stubborn in maintaining that the French duel is the +most health-giving of recreations because of the open-air +exercise it affords. And it ought also to moderate that +foolish talk about French duelists and socialist-hated +monarchs being the only people who are immoral. + +But it is time to get at my subject. As soon as I heard +of the late fiery outbreak between M. Gambetta and M. Fourtou +in the French Assembly, I knew that trouble must follow. +I knew it because a long personal friendship with +M. Gambetta revealed to me the desperate and implacable +nature of the man. Vast as are his physical proportions, +I knew that the thirst for revenge would penetrate +to the remotest frontiers of his person. + +I did not wait for him to call on me, but went at once +to him. As I had expected, I found the brave fellow +steeped in a profound French calm. I say French calm, +because French calmness and English calmness have points +of difference. He was moving swiftly back and forth +among the debris of his furniture, now and then staving +chance fragments of it across the room with his foot; +grinding a constant grist of curses through his set teeth; +and halting every little while to deposit another handful +of his hair on the pile which he had been building of it on +the table. + +He threw his arms around my neck, bent me over his stomach +to his breast, kissed me on both cheeks, hugged me four +or five times, and then placed me in his own arm-chair. +As soon as I had got well again, we began business at once. + +I said I supposed he would wish me to act as his second, +and he said, "Of course." I said I must be allowed +to act under a French name, so that I might be shielded +from obloquy in my country, in case of fatal results. +He winced here, probably at the suggestion that dueling was +not regarded with respect in America. However, he agreed +to my requirement. This accounts for the fact that in all +the newspaper reports M. Gambetta's second was apparently +a Frenchman. + +First, we drew up my principal's will. I insisted upon this, +and stuck to my point. I said I had never heard of a man +in his right mind going out to fight a duel without +first making his will. He said he had never heard +of a man in his right mind doing anything of the kind. +When he had finished the will, he wished to proceed +to a choice of his "last words." He wanted to know +how the following words, as a dying exclamation, struck me: + +"I die for my God, for my country, for freedom of speech, +for progress, and the universal brotherhood of man!" + +I objected that this would require too lingering a death; +it was a good speech for a consumptive, but not suited +to the exigencies of the field of honor. We wrangled +over a good many ante-mortem outbursts, but I finally got +him to cut his obituary down to this, which he copied +into his memorandum-book, purposing to get it by heart: + +"I DIE THAT FRANCE MIGHT LIVE." + +I said that this remark seemed to lack relevancy; but he +said relevancy was a matter of no consequence in last words, +what you wanted was thrill. + +The next thing in order was the choice of weapons. +My principal said he was not feeling well, and would leave +that and the other details of the proposed meeting to me. +Therefore I wrote the following note and carried it to +M. Fourtou's friend: + +Sir: M. Gambetta accepts M. Fourtou's challenge, +and authorizes me to propose Plessis-Piquet as the place +of meeting; tomorrow morning at daybreak as the time; +and axes as the weapons. + +I am, sir, with great respect, + +Mark Twain. + +M. Fourtou's friend read this note, and shuddered. +Then he turned to me, and said, with a suggestion of +severity in his tone: + +"Have you considered, sir, what would be the inevitable +result of such a meeting as this?" + +"Well, for instance, what WOULD it be?" + +"Bloodshed!" + +"That's about the size of it," I said. "Now, if it is +a fair question, what was your side proposing to shed?" + +I had him there. He saw he had made a blunder, so he hastened +to explain it away. He said he had spoken jestingly. +Then he added that he and his principal would enjoy axes, +and indeed prefer them, but such weapons were barred +by the French code, and so I must change my proposal. + +I walked the floor, turning the thing over in my mind, +and finally it occurred to me that Gatling-guns at fifteen +paces would be a likely way to get a verdict on the field +of honor. So I framed this idea into a proposition. + +But it was not accepted. The code was in the way again. +I proposed rifles; then double-barreled shotguns; +then Colt's navy revolvers. These being all rejected, +I reflected awhile, and sarcastically suggested brickbats +at three-quarters of a mile. I always hate to fool away +a humorous thing on a person who has no perception of humor; +and it filled me with bitterness when this man went soberly +away to submit the last proposition to his principal. + +He came back presently and said his principal was charmed +with the idea of brickbats at three-quarters of a mile, +but must decline on account of the danger to disinterested +parties passing between them. Then I said: + +"Well, I am at the end of my string, now. Perhaps YOU +would be good enough to suggest a weapon? Perhaps you +have even had one in your mind all the time?" + +His countenance brightened, and he said with alacrity: + +"Oh, without doubt, monsieur!" + +So he fell to hunting in his pockets--pocket after pocket, +and he had plenty of them--muttering all the while, +"Now, what could I have done with them?" + +At last he was successful. He fished out of his vest pocket +a couple of little things which I carried to the light +and ascertained to be pistols. They were single-barreled +and silver-mounted, and very dainty and pretty. +I was not able to speak for emotion. I silently hung +one of them on my watch-chain, and returned the other. +My companion in crime now unrolled a postage-stamp +containing several cartridges, and gave me one of them. +I asked if he meant to signify by this that our men were +to be allowed but one shot apiece. He replied that the +French code permitted no more. I then begged him to go +and suggest a distance, for my mind was growing weak +and confused under the strain which had been put upon it. +He named sixty-five yards. I nearly lost my patience. +I said: + +"Sixty-five yards, with these instruments? Squirt-guns +would be deadlier at fifty. Consider, my friend, +you and I are banded together to destroy life, not make +it eternal." + +But with all my persuasions, all my arguments, I was only +able to get him to reduce the distance to thirty-five yards; +and even this concession he made with reluctance, +and said with a sigh, "I wash my hands of this slaughter; +on your head be it." + +There was nothing for me but to go home to my old +lion-heart and tell my humiliating story. When I entered, +M. Gambetta was laying his last lock of hair upon the altar. +He sprang toward me, exclaiming: + +"You have made the fatal arrangements--I see it in your eye!" + +"I have." + +His face paled a trifle, and he leaned upon the table +for support. He breathed thick and heavily for a moment +or two, so tumultuous were his feelings; then he hoarsely +whispered: + +"The weapon, the weapon! Quick! what is the weapon?" + +"This!" and I displayed that silver-mounted thing. +He cast but one glance at it, then swooned ponderously +to the floor. + +When he came to, he said mournfully: + +"The unnatural calm to which I have subjected myself +has told upon my nerves. But away with weakness! +I will confront my fate like a man and a Frenchman." + +He rose to his feet, and assumed an attitude which +for sublimity has never been approached by man, +and has seldom been surpassed by statues. Then he said, +in his deep bass tones: + +"Behold, I am calm, I am ready; reveal to me the distance." + +"Thirty-five yards." ... + +I could not lift him up, of course; but I rolled him over, +and poured water down his back. He presently came to, +and said: + +"Thirty-five yards--without a rest? But why ask? Since +murder was that man's intention, why should he palter +with small details? But mark you one thing: in my fall +the world shall see how the chivalry of France meets death." + +After a long silence he asked: + +"Was nothing said about that man's family standing +up with him, as an offset to my bulk? But no matter; +I would not stoop to make such a suggestion; if he is +not noble enough to suggest it himself, he is welcome +to this advantage, which no honorable man would take." + +He now sank into a sort of stupor of reflection, +which lasted some minutes; after which he broke silence with: + +"The hour--what is the hour fixed for the collision?" + +"Dawn, tomorrow." + +He seemed greatly surprised, and immediately said: + +"Insanity! I never heard of such a thing. Nobody is +abroad at such an hour." + +"That is the reason I named it. Do you mean to say you +want an audience?" + +"It is no time to bandy words. I am astonished that M. Fourtou +should ever have agreed to so strange an innovation. +Go at once and require a later hour." + +I ran downstairs, threw open the front door, and almost +plunged into the arms of M. Fourtou's second. He said: + +"I have the honor to say that my principal strenuously +objects to the hour chosen, and begs you will consent +to change it to half past nine." + +"Any courtesy, sir, which it is in our power to extend +is at the service of your excellent principal. We agree +to the proposed change of time." + +"I beg you to accept the thanks of my client." Then he +turned to a person behind him, and said, "You hear, M. Noir, +the hour is altered to half past nine." Whereupon +M. Noir bowed, expressed his thanks, and went away. +My accomplice continued: + +"If agreeable to you, your chief surgeons and ours shall +proceed to the field in the same carriage as is customary." + +"It is entirely agreeable to me, and I am obliged +to you for mentioning the surgeons, for I am afraid +I should not have thought of them. How many shall +I want? I supposed two or three will be enough?" + +"Two is the customary number for each party. I refer +to 'chief' surgeons; but considering the exalted positions +occupied by our clients, it will be well and decorous +that each of us appoint several consulting surgeons, +from among the highest in the profession. These will +come in their own private carriages. Have you engaged +a hearse?" + +"Bless my stupidity, I never thought of it! I will attend +to it right away. I must seem very ignorant to you; +but you must try to overlook that, because I have never +had any experience of such a swell duel as this before. +I have had a good deal to do with duels on the Pacific coast, +but I see now that they were crude affairs. A hearse--sho! +we used to leave the elected lying around loose, and let +anybody cord them up and cart them off that wanted to. +Have you anything further to suggest?" + +"Nothing, except that the head undertakers shall ride together, +as is usual. The subordinates and mutes will go on foot, +as is also usual. I will see you at eight o'clock +in the morning, and we will then arrange the order +of the procession. I have the honor to bid you a good day." + +I returned to my client, who said, "Very well; +at what hour is the engagement to begin?" + +"Half past nine." + +"Very good indeed.; Have you sent the fact to the newspapers?" + +"SIR! If after our long and intimate friendship you can +for a moment deem me capable of so base a treachery--" + +"Tut, tut! What words are these, my dear friend? Have I +wounded you? Ah, forgive me; I am overloading you with labor. +Therefore go on with the other details, and drop this +one from your list. The bloody-minded Fourtou will be +sure to attend to it. Or I myself--yes, to make certain, +I will drop a note to my journalistic friend, M. Noir--" + +"Oh, come to think of it, you may save yourself the trouble; +that other second has informed M. Noir." + +"H'm! I might have known it. It is just like that Fourtou, +who always wants to make a display." + +At half past nine in the morning the procession approached +the field of Plessis-Piquet in the following order: first +came our carriage--nobody in it but M. Gambetta and myself; +then a carriage containing M. Fourtou and his second; +then a carriage containing two poet-orators who did +not believe in God, and these had MS. funeral orations +projecting from their breast pockets; then a carriage +containing the head surgeons and their cases of instruments; +then eight private carriages containing consulting surgeons; +then a hack containing a coroner; then the two hearses; +then a carriage containing the head undertakers; +then a train of assistants and mutes on foot; and after +these came plodding through the fog a long procession +of camp followers, police, and citizens generally. +It was a noble turnout, and would have made a fine display +if we had had thinner weather. + +There was no conversation. I spoke several times to +my principal, but I judge he was not aware of it, for he +always referred to his note-book and muttered absently, +"I die that France might live." + +Arrived on the field, my fellow-second and I paced off +the thirty-five yards, and then drew lots for choice +of position. This latter was but an ornamental ceremony, +for all the choices were alike in such weather. +These preliminaries being ended, I went to my principal +and asked him if he was ready. He spread himself out +to his full width, and said in a stern voice, "Ready! Let +the batteries be charged." + +The loading process was done in the presence of duly +constituted witnesses. We considered it best to perform +this delicate service with the assistance of a lantern, +on account of the state of the weather. We now placed +our men. + +At this point the police noticed that the public had massed +themselves together on the right and left of the field; +they therefore begged a delay, while they should put +these poor people in a place of safety. + +The request was granted. + +The police having ordered the two multitudes to take +positions behind the duelists, we were once more ready. +The weather growing still more opaque, it was agreed between +myself and the other second that before giving the fatal +signal we should each deliver a loud whoop to enable +the combatants to ascertain each other's whereabouts. + +I now returned to my principal, and was distressed +to observe that he had lost a good deal of his spirit. +I tried my best to hearten him. I said, "Indeed, sir, +things are not as bad as they seem. Considering the character +of the weapons, the limited number of shots allowed, +the generous distance, the impenetrable solidity of the fog, +and the added fact that one of the combatants is one-eyed +and the other cross-eyed and near-sighted, it seems to me +that this conflict need not necessarily be fatal. There are +chances that both of you may survive. Therefore, cheer up; +do not be downhearted." + +This speech had so good an effect that my principal +immediately stretched forth his hand and said, "I am +myself again; give me the weapon." + +I laid it, all lonely and forlorn, in the center of the vast +solitude of his palm. He gazed at it and shuddered. +And still mournfully contemplating it, he murmured in a +broken voice: + +"Alas, it is not death I dread, but mutilation." + +I heartened him once more, and with such success that he +presently said, "Let the tragedy begin. Stand at my back; +do not desert me in this solemn hour, my friend." + +I gave him my promise. I now assisted him to point +his pistol toward the spot where I judged his adversary +to be standing, and cautioned him to listen well and +further guide himself by my fellow-second's whoop. +Then I propped myself against M. Gambetta's back, +and raised a rousing "Whoop-ee!" This was answered from +out the far distances of the fog, and I immediately shouted: + +"One--two--three--FIRE!" + +Two little sounds like SPIT! SPIT! broke upon my ear, +and in the same instant I was crushed to the earth under +a mountain of flesh. Bruised as I was, I was still able +to catch a faint accent from above, to this effect: + +"I die for... for ... perdition take it, +what IS it I die for? ... oh, yes--FRANCE! I die +that France may live!" + +The surgeons swarmed around with their probes in +their hands, and applied their microscopes to the whole +area of M. Gambetta's person, with the happy result of +finding nothing in the nature of a wound. Then a scene +ensued which was in every way gratifying and inspiriting. + +The two gladiators fell upon each other's neck, with floods +of proud and happy tears; that other second embraced me; +the surgeons, the orators, the undertakers, the police, +everybody embraced, everybody congratulated, everybody cried, +and the whole atmosphere was filled with praise and with +joy unspeakable. + +It seems to me then that I would rather be a hero +of a French duel than a crowned and sceptered monarch. + +When the commotion had somewhat subsided, the body +of surgeons held a consultation, and after a good deal +of debate decided that with proper care and nursing there +was reason to believe that I would survive my injuries. +My internal hurts were deemed the most serious, since it +was apparent that a broken rib had penetrated my left lung, +and that many of my organs had been pressed out so far +to one side or the other of where they belonged, that it +was doubtful if they would ever learn to perform their +functions in such remote and unaccustomed localities. +They then set my left arm in two places, pulled my right +hip into its socket again, and re-elevated my nose. +I was an object of great interest, and even admiration; +and many sincere and warm-hearted persons had themselves +introduced to me, and said they were proud to know +the only man who had been hurt in a French duel in +forty years. + +I was placed in an ambulance at the very head of the procession; +and thus with gratifying 'ECLAT I was marched into Paris, +the most conspicuous figure in that great spectacle, +and deposited at the hospital. + +The cross of the Legion of Honor has been conferred +upon me. However, few escape that distinction. + +Such is the true version of the most memorable private +conflict of the age. + +I have no complaints to make against any one. I acted +for myself, and I can stand the consequences. + +Without boasting, I think I may say I am not afraid +to stand before a modern French duelist, but as long +as I keep in my right mind I will never consent to stand +behind one again. + + + +CHAPTER IX +[What the Beautiful Maiden Said] + +One day we took the train and went down to Mannheim +to see "King Lear" played in German. It was a mistake. +We sat in our seats three whole hours and never understood +anything but the thunder and lightning; and even that +was reversed to suit German ideas, for the thunder came +first and the lightning followed after. + +The behavior of the audience was perfect. There were +no rustlings, or whisperings, or other little disturbances; +each act was listened to in silence, and the applauding +was done after the curtain was down. The doors opened at +half past four, the play began promptly at half past five, +and within two minutes afterward all who were coming were +in their seats, and quiet reigned. A German gentleman +in the train had said that a Shakespearian play was an +appreciated treat in Germany and that we should find the +house filled. It was true; all the six tiers were filled, +and remained so to the end--which suggested that it is +not only balcony people who like Shakespeare in Germany, +but those of the pit and gallery, too. + +Another time, we went to Mannheim and attended a shivaree +--otherwise an opera--the one called "Lohengrin." The +banging and slamming and booming and crashing were +something beyond belief. The racking and pitiless +pain of it remains stored up in my memory alongside +the memory of the time that I had my teeth fixed. +There were circumstances which made it necessary for me +to stay through the hour hours to the end, and I stayed; +but the recollection of that long, dragging, relentless season +of suffering is indestructible. To have to endure it +in silence, and sitting still, made it all the harder. +I was in a railed compartment with eight or ten strangers, +of the two sexes, and this compelled repression; +yet at times the pain was so exquisite that I could hardly +keep the tears back. At those times, as the howlings +and wailings and shrieking of the singers, and the ragings +and roarings and explosions of the vast orchestra rose +higher and higher, and wilder and wilder, and fiercer +and fiercer, I could have cried if I had been alone. +Those strangers would not have been surprised to see +a man do such a thing who was being gradually skinned, +but they would have marveled at it here, and made remarks +about it no doubt, whereas there was nothing in the +present case which was an advantage over being skinned. +There was a wait of half an hour at the end of the first act, +and I could not trust myself to do it, for I felt that I +should desert to stay out. There was another wait +of half an hour toward nine o'clock, but I had gone +through so much by that time that I had no spirit left, +and so had no desire but to be let alone. + +I do not wish to suggest that the rest of the people there +were like me, for, indeed, they were not. Whether it +was that they naturally liked that noise, or whether it +was that they had learned to like it by getting used to it, +I did not at the time know; but they did like--this was +plain enough. While it was going on they sat and looked +as rapt and grateful as cats do when one strokes their backs; +and whenever the curtain fell they rose to their feet, +in one solid mighty multitude, and the air was snowed thick +with waving handkerchiefs, and hurricanes of applause +swept the place. This was not comprehensible to me. +Of course, there were many people there who were not +under compulsion to stay; yet the tiers were as full at +the close as they had been at the beginning. This showed +that the people liked it. + +It was a curious sort of a play. In the manner +of costumes and scenery it was fine and showy enough; +but there was not much action. That is to say, +there was not much really done, it was only talked about; +and always violently. It was what one might call a +narrative play. Everybody had a narrative and a grievance, +and none were reasonable about it, but all in an offensive +and ungovernable state. There was little of that sort +of customary thing where the tenor and the soprano stand +down by the footlights, warbling, with blended voices, +and keep holding out their arms toward each other and drawing +them back and spreading both hands over first one breast +and then the other with a shake and a pressure--no, +it was every rioter for himself and no blending. +Each sang his indictive narrative in turn, accompanied by +the whole orchestra of sixty instruments, and when this had +continued for some time, and one was hoping they might come +to an understanding and modify the noise, a great chorus +composed entirely of maniacs would suddenly break forth, +and then during two minutes, and sometimes three, I lived +over again all that I suffered the time the orphan asylum burned +down. + +We only had one brief little season of heaven and heaven's +sweet ecstasy and peace during all this long and diligent +and acrimonious reproduction of the other place. +This was while a gorgeous procession of people marched around +and around, in the third act, and sang the Wedding Chorus. +To my untutored ear that was music--almost divine music. +While my seared soul was steeped in the healing balm +of those gracious sounds, it seemed to me that I could +almost resuffer the torments which had gone before, +in order to be so healed again. There is where the deep +ingenuity of the operatic idea is betrayed. It deals so +largely in pain that its scattered delights are prodigiously +augmented by the contrasts. A pretty air in an opera is +prettier there than it could be anywhere else, I suppose, +just as an honest man in politics shines more than he +would elsewhere. + +I have since found out that there is nothing the Germans +like so much as an opera. They like it, not in a mild +and moderate way, but with their whole hearts. +This is a legitimate result of habit and education. +Our nation will like the opera, too, by and by, no doubt. +One in fifty of those who attend our operas likes +it already, perhaps, but I think a good many of the other +forty-nine go in order to learn to like it, and the +rest in order to be able to talk knowingly about it. +The latter usually hum the airs while they are being sung, +so that their neighbors may perceive that they have been +to operas before. The funerals of these do not occur +often enough. + +A gentle, old-maidish person and a sweet young girl +of seventeen sat right in front of us that night at the +Mannheim opera. These people talked, between the acts, +and I understood them, though I understood nothing +that was uttered on the distant stage. At first they +were guarded in their talk, but after they had heard +my agent and me conversing in English they dropped their +reserve and I picked up many of their little confidences; +no, I mean many of HER little confidences--meaning +the elder party--for the young girl only listened, +and gave assenting nods, but never said a word. How pretty +she was, and how sweet she was! I wished she would speak. +But evidently she was absorbed in her own thoughts, +her own young-girl dreams, and found a dearer pleasure +in silence. But she was not dreaming sleepy dreams--no, +she was awake, alive, alert, she could not sit still +a moment. She was an enchanting study. Her gown was +of a soft white silky stuff that clung to her round +young figure like a fish's skin, and it was rippled +over with the gracefulest little fringy films of lace; +she had deep, tender eyes, with long, curved lashes; +and she had peachy cheeks, and a dimpled chin, and such +a dear little rosebud of a mouth; and she was so dovelike, +so pure, and so gracious, so sweet and so bewitching. +For long hours I did mightily wish she would speak. +And at last she did; the red lips parted, and out leaps her +thought--and with such a guileless and pretty enthusiasm, +too: "Auntie, I just KNOW I've got five hundred fleas +on me!" + +That was probably over the average. Yes, it must have been +very much over the average. The average at that time +in the Grand Duchy of Baden was forty-five to a young +person (when alone), according to the official estimate +of the home secretary for that year; the average for older +people was shifty and indeterminable, for whenever a +wholesome young girl came into the presence of her elders +she immediately lowered their average and raised her own. +She became a sort of contribution-box. This dear young +thing in the theater had been sitting there unconsciously +taking up a collection. Many a skinny old being in our +neighborhood was the happier and the restfuler for her coming. + +In that large audience, that night, there were eight very +conspicuous people. These were ladies who had their hats +or bonnets on. What a blessed thing it would be if a lady +could make herself conspicuous in our theaters by wearing +her hat. It is not usual in Europe to allow ladies +and gentlemen to take bonnets, hats, overcoats, canes, +or umbrellas into the auditorium, but in Mannheim this +rule was not enforced because the audiences were largely +made up of people from a distance, and among these were +always a few timid ladies who were afraid that if they had +to go into an anteroom to get their things when the play +was over, they would miss their train. But the great mass +of those who came from a distance always ran the risk +and took the chances, preferring the loss of a train +to a breach of good manners and the discomfort of being +unpleasantly conspicuous during a stretch of three or four hours. + + + + +CHAPTER X +[How Wagner Operas Bang Along] + +Three or four hours. That is a long time to sit in one place, +whether one be conspicuous or not, yet some of Wagner's +operas bang along for six whole hours on a stretch! +But the people sit there and enjoy it all, and wish it +would last longer. A German lady in Munich told me +that a person could not like Wagner's music at first, +but must go through the deliberate process of learning +to like it--then he would have his sure reward; +for when he had learned to like it he would hunger +for it and never be able to get enough of it. She said +that six hours of Wagner was by no means too much. +She said that this composer had made a complete revolution +in music and was burying the old masters one by one. +And she said that Wagner's operas differed from all others +in one notable respect, and that was that they were not +merely spotted with music here and there, but were ALL music, +from the first strain to the last. This surprised me. +I said I had attended one of his insurrections, and found +hardly ANY music in it except the Wedding Chorus. +She said "Lohengrin" was noisier than Wagner's other operas, +but that if I would keep on going to see it I would find +by and by that it was all music, and therefore would +then enjoy it. I COULD have said, "But would you advise +a person to deliberately practice having a toothache +in the pit of his stomach for a couple of years in order +that he might then come to enjoy it?" But I reserved +that remark. + +This lady was full of the praises of the head-tenor +who had performed in a Wagner opera the night before, +and went on to enlarge upon his old and prodigious fame, +and how many honors had been lavished upon him by the +princely houses of Germany. Here was another surprise. +I had attended that very opera, in the person of my agent, +and had made close and accurate observations. So I +said: + +"Why, madam, MY experience warrants me in stating +that that tenor's voice is not a voice at all, +but only a shriek--the shriek of a hyena." + +"That is very true," she said; "he cannot sing now; +it is already many years that he has lost his voice, +but in other times he sang, yes, divinely! So whenever +he comes now, you shall see, yes, that the theater +will not hold the people. JAWOHL BEI GOTT! his voice +is WUNDERSCHOEN in that past time." + +I said she was discovering to me a kindly trait in the +Germans which was worth emulating. I said that over +the water we were not quite so generous; that with us, +when a singer had lost his voice and a jumper had lost +his legs, these parties ceased to draw. I said I had been +to the opera in Hanover, once, and in Mannheim once, +and in Munich (through my authorized agent) once, and this +large experience had nearly persuaded me that the Germans +PREFERRED singers who couldn't sing. This was not such +a very extravagant speech, either, for that burly Mannheim +tenor's praises had been the talk of all Heidelberg for +a week before his performance took place--yet his voice +was like the distressing noise which a nail makes when you +screech it across a window-pane. I said so to Heidelberg +friends the next day, and they said, in the calmest and +simplest way, that that was very true, but that in earlier +times his voice HAD been wonderfully fine. And the tenor +in Hanover was just another example of this sort. +The English-speaking German gentleman who went with me +to the opera there was brimming with enthusiasm over that tenor. +He said: + +"ACH GOTT! a great man! You shall see him. He is so celebrate +in all Germany--and he has a pension, yes, from the government. +He not obliged to sing now, only twice every year; +but if he not sing twice each year they take him his pension +away." + +Very well, we went. When the renowned old tenor appeared, +I got a nudge and an excited whisper: + +"Now you see him!" + +But the "celebrate" was an astonishing disappointment to me. +If he had been behind a screen I should have supposed +they were performing a surgical operation on him. +I looked at my friend--to my great surprise he seemed +intoxicated with pleasure, his eyes were dancing +with eager delight. When the curtain at last fell, +he burst into the stormiest applause, and kept it up--as +did the whole house--until the afflictive tenor had +come three times before the curtain to make his bow. +While the glowing enthusiast was swabbing the perspiration +from his face, I said: + +"I don't mean the least harm, but really, now, do you +think he can sing?" + +"Him? NO! GOTT IM HIMMEL, ABER, how he has been able to +sing twenty-five years ago?" [Then pensively.] "ACH, no, +NOW he not sing any more, he only cry. When he think +he sing, now, he not sing at all, no, he only make +like a cat which is unwell." + +Where and how did we get the idea that the Germans +are a stolid, phlegmatic race? In truth, they are +widely removed from that. They are warm-hearted, +emotional, impulsive, enthusiastic, their tears come +at the mildest touch, and it is not hard to move them +to laughter. They are the very children of impulse. +We are cold and self-contained, compared to the Germans. +They hug and kiss and cry and shout and dance and sing; +and where we use one loving, petting expressions they pour +out a score. Their language is full of endearing diminutives; +nothing that they love escapes the application of a petting +diminutive--neither the house, nor the dog, nor the horse, +nor the grandmother, nor any other creature, animate or +inanimate. + +In the theaters at Hanover, Hamburg, and Mannheim, +they had a wise custom. The moment the curtain went up, +the light in the body of the house went down. +The audience sat in the cool gloom of a deep twilight, +which greatly enhanced the glowing splendors of the stage. +It saved gas, too, and people were not sweated to death. + +When I saw "King Lear" played, nobody was allowed to see +a scene shifted; if there was nothing to be done but slide +a forest out of the way and expose a temple beyond, one did +not see that forest split itself in the middle and go +shrieking away, with the accompanying disenchanting spectacle +of the hands and heels of the impelling impulse--no, +the curtain was always dropped for an instant--one heard +not the least movement behind it--but when it went up, +the next instant, the forest was gone. Even when the +stage was being entirely reset, one heard no noise. +During the whole time that "King Lear" was playing +the curtain was never down two minutes at any one time. +The orchestra played until the curtain was ready to go up +for the first time, then they departed for the evening. +Where the stage waits never each two minutes there is no +occasion for music. I had never seen this two-minute +business between acts but once before, and that was when +the "Shaughraun" was played at Wallack's. + +I was at a concert in Munich one night, the people +were streaming in, the clock-hand pointed to seven, +the music struck up, and instantly all movement in +the body of the house ceased--nobody was standing, +or walking up the aisles, or fumbling with a seat, +the stream of incomers had suddenly dried up at its source. +I listened undisturbed to a piece of music that was fifteen +minutes long--always expecting some tardy ticket-holders +to come crowding past my knees, and being continuously and +pleasantly disappointed--but when the last note was struck, +here came the stream again. You see, they had made +those late comers wait in the comfortable waiting-parlor +from the time the music had begin until it was ended. + +It was the first time I had ever seen this sort of +criminals denied the privilege of destroying the comfort +of a house full of their betters. Some of these were +pretty fine birds, but no matter, they had to tarry +outside in the long parlor under the inspection of +a double rank of liveried footmen and waiting-maids +who supported the two walls with their backs and held +the wraps and traps of their masters and mistresses on their +arms. + +We had no footmen to hold our things, and it was not +permissible to take them into the concert-room; but there +were some men and women to take charge of them for us. +They gave us checks for them and charged a fixed price, +payable in advance--five cents. + +In Germany they always hear one thing at an opera +which has never yet been heard in America, perhaps--I +mean the closing strain of a fine solo or duet. +We always smash into it with an earthquake of applause. +The result is that we rob ourselves of the sweetest +part of the treat; we get the whiskey, but we don't get +the sugar in the bottom of the glass. + +Our way of scattering applause along through an act seems +to me to be better than the Mannheim way of saving it +all up till the act is ended. I do not see how an actor +can forget himself and portray hot passion before a cold +still audience. I should think he would feel foolish. +It is a pain to me to this day, to remember how that old +German Lear raged and wept and howled around the stage, +with never a response from that hushed house, never a +single outburst till the act was ended. To me there was +something unspeakably uncomfortable in the solemn dead +silences that always followed this old person's tremendous +outpourings of his feelings. I could not help putting +myself in his place--I thought I knew how sick and flat +he felt during those silences, because I remembered a case +which came under my observation once, and which--but I +will tell the incident: + +One evening on board a Mississippi steamboat, a boy of ten +years lay asleep in a berth--a long, slim-legged boy, +he was, encased in quite a short shirt; it was the first +time he had ever made a trip on a steamboat, and so he +was troubled, and scared, and had gone to bed with his +head filled with impending snaggings, and explosions, +and conflagrations, and sudden death. About ten o'clock +some twenty ladies were sitting around about the ladies' +saloon, quietly reading, sewing, embroidering, and so on, +and among them sat a sweet, benignant old dame with round +spectacles on her nose and her busy knitting-needles +in her hands. Now all of a sudden, into the midst of this +peaceful scene burst that slim-shanked boy in the brief shirt, +wild-eyed, erect-haired, and shouting, "Fire, fire! +JUMP AND RUN, THE BOAT'S AFIRE AND THERE AIN'T A MINUTE +TO LOSE!" All those ladies looked sweetly up and smiled, +nobody stirred, the old lady pulled her spectacles down, +looked over them, and said, gently: + +"But you mustn't catch cold, child. Run and put on +your breastpin, and then come and tell us all about it." + +It was a cruel chill to give to a poor little devil's +gushing vehemence. He was expecting to be a sort of +hero--the creator of a wild panic--and here everybody +sat and smiled a mocking smile, and an old woman made +fun of his bugbear. I turned and crept away--for I +was that boy--and never even cared to discover whether +I had dreamed the fire or actually seen it. + +I am told that in a German concert or opera, they hardly +ever encore a song; that though they may be dying to hear +it again, their good breeding usually preserves them +against requiring the repetition. + +Kings may encore; that is quite another matter; +it delights everybody to see that the King is pleased; +and as to the actor encored, his pride and gratification +are simply boundless. Still, there are circumstances +in which even a royal encore-- + +But it is better to illustrate. The King of Bavaria is +a poet, and has a poet's eccentricities--with the advantage +over all other poets of being able to gratify them, +no matter what form they may take. He is fond of opera, +but not fond of sitting in the presence of an audience; +therefore, it has sometimes occurred, in Munich, +that when an opera has been concluded and the players +were getting off their paint and finery, a command has +come to them to get their paint and finery on again. +Presently the King would arrive, solitary and alone, +and the players would begin at the beginning and do the +entire opera over again with only that one individual +in the vast solemn theater for audience. Once he took +an odd freak into his head. High up and out of sight, +over the prodigious stage of the court theater is a maze +of interlacing water-pipes, so pierced that in case +of fire, innumerable little thread-like streams of +water can be caused to descend; and in case of need, +this discharge can be augmented to a pouring flood. +American managers might want to make a note of that. +The King was sole audience. The opera proceeded, +it was a piece with a storm in it; the mimic thunder +began to mutter, the mimic wind began to wail and sough, +and the mimic rain to patter. The King's interest rose +higher and higher; it developed into enthusiasm. He cried +out: + +"It is very, very good, indeed! But I will have real +rain! Turn on the water!" + +The manager pleaded for a reversal of the command; said it +would ruin the costly scenery and the splendid costumes, +but the King cried: + +"No matter, no matter, I will have real rain! Turn +on the water!" + +So the real rain was turned on and began to descend in +gossamer lances to the mimic flower-beds and gravel walks +of the stage. The richly dressed actresses and actors +tripped about singing bravely and pretending not to mind it. +The King was delighted--his enthusiasm grew higher. +He cried out: + +"Bravo, bravo! More thunder! more lightning! turn +on more rain!" + +The thunder boomed, the lightning glared, the storm-winds raged, +the deluge poured down. The mimic royalty on the stage, +with their soaked satins clinging to their bodies, +slopped about ankle-deep in water, warbling their sweetest +and best, the fiddlers under the eaves of the state sawed +away for dear life, with the cold overflow spouting down +the backs of their necks, and the dry and happy King sat +in his lofty box and wore his gloves to ribbons applauding. + +"More yet!" cried the King; "more yet--let loose all +the thunder, turn on all the water! I will hang the man +that raises an umbrella!" + +When this most tremendous and effective storm that had +ever been produced in any theater was at last over, +the King's approbation was measureless. He cried: + +"Magnificent, magnificent! ENCORE! Do it again!" + +But the manager succeeded in persuading him to recall +the encore, and said the company would feel sufficiently +rewarded and complimented in the mere fact that the +encore was desired by his Majesty, without fatiguing +him with a repetition to gratify their own vanity. + +During the remainder of the act the lucky performers +were those whose parts required changes of dress; +the others were a soaked, bedraggled, and uncomfortable lot, +but in the last degree picturesque. The stage scenery +was ruined, trap-doors were so swollen that they wouldn't +work for a week afterward, the fine costumes were spoiled, +and no end of minor damages were done by that remarkable storm. + +It was royal idea--that storm--and royally carried out. +But observe the moderation of the King; he did not +insist upon his encore. If he had been a gladsome, +unreflecting American opera-audience, he probably would +have had his storm repeated and repeated until he drowned +all those people. + + + +CHAPTER XI +[I Paint a "Turner"] + +The summer days passed pleasantly in Heidelberg. +We had a skilled trainer, and under his instructions we +were getting our legs in the right condition for the +contemplated pedestrian tours; we were well satisfied +with the progress which we had made in the German language, +[1. See Appendix D for information concerning this +fearful tongue.] and more than satisfied with what we had +accomplished in art. We had had the best instructors in +drawing and painting in Germany--Haemmerling, Vogel, Mueller, +Dietz, and Schumann. Haemmerling taught us landscape-painting. +Vogel taught us figure-drawing, Mueller taught us to do +still-life, and Dietz and Schumann gave us a finishing +course in two specialties--battle-pieces and shipwrecks. +Whatever I am in Art I owe to these men. I have something +of the manner of each and all of them; but they all said that I +had also a manner of my own, and that it was conspicuous. +They said there was a marked individuality about my +style--insomuch that if I ever painted the commonest +type of a dog, I should be sure to throw a something +into the aspect of that dog which would keep him from +being mistaken for the creation of any other artist. +Secretly I wanted to believe all these kind sayings, +but I could not; I was afraid that my masters' +partiality for me, and pride in me, biased their judgment. +So I resolved to make a test. Privately, and unknown +to any one, I painted my great picture, "Heidelberg Castle +Illuminated"--my first really important work in oils--and +had it hung up in the midst of a wilderness of oil-pictures +in the Art Exhibition, with no name attached to it. To my +great gratification it was instantly recognized as mine. +All the town flocked to see it, and people even came from +neighboring localities to visit it. It made more stir than +any other work in the Exhibition. But the most gratifying +thing of all was, that chance strangers, passing through, +who had not heard of my picture, were not only drawn to it, +as by a lodestone, the moment they entered the gallery, +but always took it for a "Turner." + +Apparently nobody had ever done that. There were ruined +castles on the overhanging cliffs and crags all the way; +these were said to have their legends, like those on the Rhine, +and what was better still, they had never been in print. +There was nothing in the books about that lovely region; +it had been neglected by the tourist, it was virgin soil for +the literary pioneer. + +Meantime the knapsacks, the rough walking-suits and the stout +walking-shoes which we had ordered, were finished and brought +to us. A Mr. X and a young Mr. Z had agreed to go with us. +We went around one evening and bade good-by to our friends, +and afterward had a little farewell banquet at the hotel. +We got to bed early, for we wanted to make an early start, +so as to take advantage of the cool of the morning. + +We were out of bed at break of day, feeling fresh +and vigorous, and took a hearty breakfast, then plunged +down through the leafy arcades of the Castle grounds, +toward the town. What a glorious summer morning it was, +and how the flowers did pour out their fragrance, +and how the birds did sing! It was just the time for a +tramp through the woods and mountains. + +We were all dressed alike: broad slouch hats, to keep the +sun off; gray knapsacks; blue army shirts; blue overalls; +leathern gaiters buttoned tight from knee down to ankle; +high-quarter coarse shoes snugly laced. Each man had +an opera-glass, a canteen, and a guide-book case slung +over his shoulder, and carried an alpenstock in one hand +and a sun-umbrella in the other. Around our hats were +wound many folds of soft white muslin, with the ends +hanging and flapping down our backs--an idea brought +from the Orient and used by tourists all over Europe. +Harris carried the little watch-like machine called +a "pedometer," whose office is to keep count of a man's +steps and tell how far he has walked. Everybody stopped +to admire our costumes and give us a hearty "Pleasant march +to you!" + +When we got downtown I found that we could go by rail to +within five miles of Heilbronn. The train was just starting, +so we jumped aboard and went tearing away in splendid spirits. +It was agreed all around that we had done wisely, +because it would be just as enjoyable to walk DOWN the Neckar +as up it, and it could not be needful to walk both ways. +There were some nice German people in our compartment. +I got to talking some pretty private matters presently, +and Harris became nervous; so he nudged me and said: + +"Speak in German--these Germans may understand English." + +I did so, it was well I did; for it turned out that there +was not a German in that party who did not understand +English perfectly. It is curious how widespread our language +is in Germany. After a while some of those folks got out +and a German gentleman and his two young daughters got in. +I spoke in German of one of the latter several times, +but without result. Finally she said: + +"ICH VERSTEHE NUR DEUTCH UND ENGLISHE,"--or words to +that effect. That is, "I don't understand any language +but German and English." + +And sure enough, not only she but her father and sister +spoke English. So after that we had all the talk we wanted; +and we wanted a good deal, for they were agreeable people. +They were greatly interested in our customs; especially +the alpenstocks, for they had not seen any before. +They said that the Neckar road was perfectly level, so we +must be going to Switzerland or some other rugged country; +and asked us if we did not find the walking pretty fatiguing +in such warm weather. But we said no. + +We reached Wimpfen--I think it was Wimpfen--in about +three hours, and got out, not the least tired; found a +good hotel and ordered beer and dinner--then took +a stroll through the venerable old village. It was very +picturesque and tumble-down, and dirty and interesting. +It had queer houses five hundred years old in it, +and a military tower 115 feet high, which had stood there +more than ten centuries. I made a little sketch of it. +I kept a copy, but gave the original to the Burgomaster. +I think the original was better than the copy, because it +had more windows in it and the grass stood up better and had +a brisker look. There was none around the tower, though; +I composed the grass myself, from studies I made in a field +by Heidelberg in Haemmerling's time. The man on top, +looking at the view, is apparently too large, but I found +he could not be made smaller, conveniently. I wanted +him there, and I wanted him visible, so I thought out a +way to manage it; I composed the picture from two points +of view; the spectator is to observe the man from bout +where that flag is, and he must observe the tower itself +from the ground. This harmonizes the seeming discrepancy. +[Figure 2] + +Near an old cathedral, under a shed, were three crosses +of stone--moldy and damaged things, bearing life-size +stone figures. The two thieves were dressed in the fanciful +court costumes of the middle of the sixteenth century, +while the Saviour was nude, with the exception of a cloth +around the loins. + +We had dinner under the green trees in a garden belonging +to the hotel and overlooking the Neckar; then, after a smoke, +we went to bed. We had a refreshing nap, then got up +about three in the afternoon and put on our panoply. +As we tramped gaily out at the gate of the town, +we overtook a peasant's cart, partly laden with odds and +ends of cabbages and similar vegetable rubbish, and drawn +by a small cow and a smaller donkey yoked together. +It was a pretty slow concern, but it got us into Heilbronn +before dark--five miles, or possibly it was seven. + +We stopped at the very same inn which the famous old +robber-knight and rough fighter Goetz von Berlichingen, +abode in after he got out of captivity in the Square Tower +of Heilbronn between three hundred and fifty and four hundred +years ago. Harris and I occupied the same room which he +had occupied and the same paper had not quite peeled off +the walls yet. The furniture was quaint old carved stuff, +full four hundred years old, and some of the smells +were over a thousand. There was a hook in the wall, +which the landlord said the terrific old Goetz used to +hang his iron hand on when he took it off to go to bed. +This room was very large--it might be called immense +--and it was on the first floor; which means it was in +the second story, for in Europe the houses are so high +that they do not count the first story, else they +would get tired climbing before they got to the top. +The wallpaper was a fiery red, with huge gold figures in it, +well smirched by time, and it covered all the doors. +These doors fitted so snugly and continued the figures +of the paper so unbrokenly, that when they were closed +one had to go feeling and searching along the wall +to find them. There was a stove in the corner--one +of those tall, square, stately white porcelain things +that looks like a monument and keeps you thinking +of death when you ought to be enjoying your travels. +The windows looked out on a little alley, and over that +into a stable and some poultry and pig yards in the rear +of some tenement-houses. There were the customary two beds +in the room, one in one end, the other in the other, +about an old-fashioned brass-mounted, single-barreled +pistol-shot apart. They were fully as narrow as the usual +German bed, too, and had the German bed's ineradicable +habit of spilling the blankets on the floor every time +you forgot yourself and went to sleep. + +A round table as large as King Arthur's stood in the +center of the room; while the waiters were getting +ready to serve our dinner on it we all went out to see +the renowned clock on the front of the municipal buildings. + + + +CHAPTER XII +[What the Wives Saved] + +The RATHHAUS, or municipal building, is of the quaintest +and most picturesque Middle-Age architecture. It has a +massive portico and steps, before it, heavily balustraded, +and adorned with life-sized rusty iron knights in +complete armor. The clock-face on the front of the building +is very large and of curious pattern. Ordinarily, a gilded +angel strikes the hour on a big bell with a hammer; +as the striking ceases, a life-sized figure of Time raises +its hour-glass and turns it; two golden rams advance +and butt each other; a gilded cock lifts its wings; +but the main features are two great angels, who stand +on each side of the dial with long horns at their lips; +it was said that they blew melodious blasts on these +horns every hour--but they did not do it for us. +We were told, later, than they blew only at night, +when the town was still. + +Within the RATHHAUS were a number of huge wild boars' +heads, preserved, and mounted on brackets along the wall; +they bore inscriptions telling who killed them and how many +hundred years ago it was done. One room in the building +was devoted to the preservation of ancient archives. +There they showed us no end of aged documents; some were +signed by Popes, some by Tilly and other great generals, +and one was a letter written and subscribed by Goetz von +Berlichingen in Heilbronn in 1519 just after his release +from the Square Tower. + +This fine old robber-knight was a devoutly and sincerely +religious man, hospitable, charitable to the poor, +fearless in fight, active, enterprising, and possessed +of a large and generous nature. He had in him a +quality of being able to overlook moderate injuries, +and being able to forgive and forget mortal ones as +soon as he had soundly trounced the authors of them. +He was prompt to take up any poor devil's quarrel and risk +his neck to right him. The common folk held him dear, +and his memory is still green in ballad and tradition. +He used to go on the highway and rob rich wayfarers; +and other times he would swoop down from his high castle +on the hills of the Neckar and capture passing cargoes +of merchandise. In his memoirs he piously thanks the +Giver of all Good for remembering him in his needs and +delivering sundry such cargoes into his hands at times +when only special providences could have relieved him. +He was a doughty warrior and found a deep joy in battle. +In an assault upon a stronghold in Bavaria when he was +only twenty-three years old, his right hand was shot away, +but he was so interested in the fight that he did not +observe it for a while. He said that the iron hand +which was made for him afterward, and which he wore for +more than half a century, was nearly as clever a member +as the fleshy one had been. I was glad to get a facsimile +of the letter written by this fine old German Robin Hood, +though I was not able to read it. He was a better artist +with his sword than with his pen. + +We went down by the river and saw the Square Tower. +It was a very venerable structure, very strong, +and very ornamental. There was no opening near the ground. +They had to use a ladder to get into it, no doubt. + +We visited the principal church, also--a curious +old structure, with a towerlike spire adorned with all +sorts of grotesque images. The inner walls of the church +were placarded with large mural tablets of copper, +bearing engraved inscriptions celebrating the merits +of old Heilbronn worthies of two or three centuries ago, +and also bearing rudely painted effigies of themselves +and their families tricked out in the queer costumes of +those days. The head of the family sat in the foreground, +and beyond him extended a sharply receding and diminishing +row of sons; facing him sat his wife, and beyond +her extended a low row of diminishing daughters. +The family was usually large, but the perspective bad. + +Then we hired the hack and the horse which Goetz von +Berlichingen used to use, and drove several miles into +the country to visit the place called WEIBERTREU--Wife's +Fidelity I suppose it means. It was a feudal castle +of the Middle Ages. When we reached its neighborhood we +found it was beautifully situated, but on top of a mound, +or hill, round and tolerably steep, and about two hundred +feet high. Therefore, as the sun was blazing hot, +we did not climb up there, but took the place on trust, +and observed it from a distance while the horse leaned up +against a fence and rested. The place has no interest +except that which is lent it by its legend, which is +a very pretty one--to this effect: + +THE LEGEND + +In the Middle Ages, a couple of young dukes, brothers, +took opposite sides in one of the wars, the one fighting +for the Emperor, the other against him. One of them +owned the castle and village on top of the mound which I +have been speaking of, and in his absence his brother +came with his knights and soldiers and began a siege. +It was a long and tedious business, for the people +made a stubborn and faithful defense. But at last +their supplies ran out and starvation began its work; +more fell by hunger than by the missiles of the enemy. +They by and by surrendered, and begged for charitable terms. +But the beleaguering prince was so incensed against them +for their long resistance that he said he would spare none +but the women and children--all men should be put to the +sword without exception, and all their goods destroyed. +Then the women came and fell on their knees and begged for +the lives of their husbands. + +"No," said the prince, "not a man of them shall escape alive; +you yourselves shall go with your children into houseless +and friendless banishment; but that you may not starve +I grant you this one grace, that each woman may bear +with her from this place as much of her most valuable +property as she is able to carry." + +Very well, presently the gates swung open and out filed +those women carrying their HUSBANDS on their shoulders. +The besiegers, furious at the trick, rushed forward +to slaughter the men, but the Duke stepped between and +said: + +"No, put up your swords--a prince's word is inviolable." + +When we got back to the hotel, King Arthur's Round Table +was ready for us in its white drapery, and the head waiter +and his first assistant, in swallow-tails and white cravats, +brought in the soup and the hot plates at once. + +Mr. X had ordered the dinner, and when the wine came on, +he picked up a bottle, glanced at the label, and then turned +to the grave, the melancholy, the sepulchral head waiter +and said it was not the sort of wine he had asked for. +The head waiter picked up the bottle, cast his undertaker-eye +on it and said: + +"It is true; I beg pardon." Then he turned on his +subordinate and calmly said, "Bring another label." + +At the same time he slid the present label off with his hand +and laid it aside; it had been newly put on, its paste +was still wet. When the new label came, he put it on; +our French wine being now turned into German wine, +according to desire, the head waiter went blandly about his +other duties, as if the working of this sort of miracle +was a common and easy thing to him. + +Mr. X said he had not known, before, that there were +people honest enough to do this miracle in public, +but he was aware that thousands upon thousands of labels +were imported into America from Europe every year, +to enable dealers to furnish to their customers in a quiet +and inexpensive way all the different kinds of foreign +wines they might require. + +We took a turn around the town, after dinner, and found +it fully as interesting in the moonlight as it had been +in the daytime. The streets were narrow and roughly paved, +and there was not a sidewalk or a street-lamp anywhere. +The dwellings were centuries old, and vast enough for hotels. +They widened all the way up; the stories projected +further and further forward and aside as they ascended, +and the long rows of lighted windows, filled with little bits +of panes, curtained with figured white muslin and adorned +outside with boxes of flowers, made a pretty effect. +The moon was bright, and the light and shadow very strong; +and nothing could be more picturesque than those curving +streets, with their rows of huge high gables leaning +far over toward each other in a friendly gossiping way, +and the crowds below drifting through the alternating blots +of gloom and mellow bars of moonlight. Nearly everybody +was abroad, chatting, singing, romping, or massed in lazy +comfortable attitudes in the doorways. + +In one place there was a public building which was +fenced about with a thick, rusty chain, which sagged +from post to post in a succession of low swings. +The pavement, here, was made of heavy blocks of stone. +In the glare of the moon a party of barefooted children +were swinging on those chains and having a noisy good time. +They were not the first ones who have done that; +even their great-great-grandfathers had not been the first +to do it when they were children. The strokes of the bare +feet had worn grooves inches deep in the stone flags; +it had taken many generations of swinging children to +accomplish that. Everywhere in the town were the mold +and decay that go with antiquity, and evidence of it; +but I do not know that anything else gave us so vivid +a sense of the old age of Heilbronn as those footworn +grooves in the paving-stones. + + + +CHAPTER XIII +[My Long Crawl in the Dark] + +When we got back to the hotel I wound and set the +pedometer and put it in my pocket, for I was to carry +it next day and keep record of the miles we made. +The work which we had given the instrument to do during +the day which had just closed had not fatigued it perceptibly. + +We were in bed by ten, for we wanted to be up and away on +our tramp homeward with the dawn. I hung fire, but Harris +went to sleep at once. I hate a man who goes to sleep +at once; there is a sort of indefinable something about it +which is not exactly an insult, and yet is an insolence; +and one which is hard to bear, too. I lay there fretting +over this injury, and trying to go to sleep; but the harder +I tried, the wider awake I grew. I got to feeling very lonely +in the dark, with no company but an undigested dinner. +My mind got a start by and by, and began to consider the +beginning of every subject which has ever been thought of; +but it never went further than the beginning; it was touch +and go; it fled from topic to topic with a frantic speed. +At the end of an hour my head was in a perfect whirl and I +was dead tired, fagged out. + +The fatigue was so great that it presently began to make some +head against the nervous excitement; while imagining myself +wide awake, I would really doze into momentary unconsciousness, +and come suddenly out of it with a physical jerk which nearly +wrenched my joints apart--the delusion of the instant +being that I was tumbling backward over a precipice. +After I had fallen over eight or nine precipices and thus +found out that one half of my brain had been asleep eight +or nine times without the wide-awake, hard-working other +half suspecting it, the periodical unconsciousnesses +began to extend their spell gradually over more of my +brain-territory, and at last I sank into a drowse which +grew deeper and deeper and was doubtless just on the very +point of being a solid, blessed dreamless stupor, when--what was +that? + +My dulled faculties dragged themselves partly back to life +and took a receptive attitude. Now out of an immense, +a limitless distance, came a something which grew and grew, +and approached, and presently was recognizable as a sound +--it had rather seemed to be a feeling, before. This sound +was a mile away, now--perhaps it was the murmur of a storm; +and now it was nearer--not a quarter of a mile away; +was it the muffled rasping and grinding of distant +machinery? No, it came still nearer; was it the measured +tramp of a marching troop? But it came nearer still, +and still nearer--and at last it was right in the room: it +was merely a mouse gnawing the woodwork. So I had held my +breath all that time for such a trifle. + +Well, what was done could not be helped; I would go +to sleep at once and make up the lost time. That was +a thoughtless thought. Without intending it--hardly +knowing it--I fell to listening intently to that sound, +and even unconsciously counting the strokes of the mouse's +nutmeg-grater. Presently I was deriving exquisite suffering +from this employment, yet maybe I could have endured +it if the mouse had attended steadily to his work; +but he did not do that; he stopped every now and then, +and I suffered more while waiting and listening for +him to begin again than I did while he was gnawing. +Along at first I was mentally offering a reward +of five--six--seven--ten--dollars for that mouse; +but toward the last I was offering rewards which were +entirely beyond my means. I close-reefed my ears +--that is to say, I bent the flaps of them down and furled +them into five or six folds, and pressed them against +the hearing-orifice--but it did no good: the faculty +was so sharpened by nervous excitement that it was become +a microphone and could hear through the overlays without trouble. + + +My anger grew to a frenzy. I finally did what all persons +before me have done, clear back to Adam,--resolved to +throw something. I reached down and got my walking-shoes, +then sat up in bed and listened, in order to exactly locate +the noise. But I couldn't do it; it was as unlocatable +as a cricket's noise; and where one thinks that that is, +is always the very place where it isn't. So I presently +hurled a shoe at random, and with a vicious vigor. +It struck the wall over Harris's head and fell down on him; +I had not imagined I could throw so far. It woke Harris, +and I was glad of it until I found he was not angry; +then I was sorry. He soon went to sleep again, +which pleased me; but straightway the mouse began again, +which roused my temper once more. I did not want to wake +Harris a second time, but the gnawing continued until I +was compelled to throw the other shoe. This time I broke +a mirror--there were two in the room--I got the largest one, +of course. Harris woke again, but did not complain, +and I was sorrier than ever. I resolved that I would +suffer all possible torture before I would disturb him a +third time. + +The mouse eventually retired, and by and by I was sinking +to sleep, when a clock began to strike; I counted till +it was done, and was about to drowse again when another +clock began; I counted; then the two great RATHHAUS clock +angels began to send forth soft, rich, melodious blasts +from their long trumpets. I had never heard anything +that was so lovely, or weird, or mysterious--but when they +got to blowing the quarter-hours, they seemed to me to be +overdoing the thing. Every time I dropped off for the moment, +a new noise woke me. Each time I woke I missed my coverlet, +and had to reach down to the floor and get it again. + +At last all sleepiness forsook me. I recognized the fact +that I was hopelessly and permanently wide awake. +Wide awake, and feverish and thirsty. When I had lain +tossing there as long as I could endure it, it occurred +to me that it would be a good idea to dress and go out in +the great square and take a refreshing wash in the fountain, +and smoke and reflect there until the remnant of the night +was gone. + +I believed I could dress in the dark without waking Harris. +I had banished my shoes after the mouse, but my slippers +would do for a summer night. So I rose softly, and gradually +got on everything--down to one sock. I couldn't seem +to get on the track of that sock, any way I could fix it. +But I had to have it; so I went down on my hands and knees, +with one slipper on and the other in my hand, and began to +paw gently around and rake the floor, but with no success. +I enlarged my circle, and went on pawing and raking. +With every pressure of my knee, how the floor creaked! +and every time I chanced to rake against any article, +it seemed to give out thirty-five or thirty-six times +more noise than it would have done in the daytime. +In those cases I always stopped and held my breath till I +was sure Harris had not awakened--then I crept along again. +I moved on and on, but I could not find the sock; +I could not seem to find anything but furniture. +I could not remember that there was much furniture +in the room when I went to bed, but the place was alive +with it now --especially chairs--chairs everywhere +--had a couple of families moved in, in the mean time? And +I never could seem to GLANCE on one of those chairs, +but always struck it full and square with my head. +My temper rose, by steady and sure degrees, and as I +pawed on and on, I fell to making vicious comments under +my breath. + +Finally, with a venomous access of irritation, I said I +would leave without the sock; so I rose up and made straight +for the door--as I supposed--and suddenly confronted my +dim spectral image in the unbroken mirror. It startled +the breath out of me, for an instant; it also showed me +that I was lost, and had no sort of idea where I was. +When I realized this, I was so angry that I had to sit +down on the floor and take hold of something to keep +from lifting the roof off with an explosion of opinion. +If there had been only one mirror, it might possibly have +helped to locate me; but there were two, and two were as +bad as a thousand; besides, these were on opposite sides +of the room. I could see the dim blur of the windows, +but in my turned-around condition they were exactly +where they ought not to be, and so they only confused me +instead of helping me. + +I started to get up, and knocked down an umbrella; +it made a noise like a pistol-shot when it struck +that hard, slick, carpetless floor; I grated my teeth +and held my breath--Harris did not stir. I set the +umbrella slowly and carefully on end against the wall, +but as soon as I took my hand away, its heel slipped +from under it, and down it came again with another bang. +I shrunk together and listened a moment in silent fury +--no harm done, everything quiet. With the most painstaking +care and nicety, I stood the umbrella up once more, +took my hand away, and down it came again. + +I have been strictly reared, but if it had not been +so dark and solemn and awful there in that lonely, +vast room, I do believe I should have said something +then which could not be put into a Sunday-school book +without injuring the sale of it. If my reasoning powers +had not been already sapped dry by my harassments, +I would have known better than to try to set an umbrella +on end on one of those glassy German floors in the dark; +it can't be done in the daytime without four failures +to one success. I had one comfort, though--Harris was +yet still and silent--he had not stirred. + +The umbrella could not locate me--there were four +standing around the room, and all alike. I thought I +would feel along the wall and find the door in that way. +I rose up and began this operation, but raked down +a picture. It was not a large one, but it made noise +enough for a panorama. Harris gave out no sound, but I +felt that if I experimented any further with the pictures +I should be sure to wake him. Better give up trying to +get out. Yes, I would find King Arthur's Round Table once +more--I had already found it several times--and use it +for a base of departure on an exploring tour for my bed; +if I could find my bed I could then find my water pitcher; +I would quench my raging thirst and turn in. So I started +on my hands and knees, because I could go faster that way, +and with more confidence, too, and not knock down things. +By and by I found the table--with my head--rubbed the +bruise a little, then rose up and started, with hands +abroad and fingers spread, to balance myself. I found +a chair; then a wall; then another chair; then a sofa; +then an alpenstock, then another sofa; this confounded me, +for I had thought there was only one sofa. I hunted +up the table again and took a fresh start; found some +more chairs. + +It occurred to me, now, as it ought to have done before, +that as the table was round, it was therefore of no +value as a base to aim from; so I moved off once more, +and at random among the wilderness of chairs and sofas +--wandering off into unfamiliar regions, and presently knocked +a candlestick and knocked off a lamp, grabbed at the lamp +and knocked off a water pitcher with a rattling crash, +and thought to myself, "I've found you at last--I +judged I was close upon you." Harris shouted "murder," +and "thieves," and finished with "I'm absolutely drowned." + +The crash had roused the house. Mr. X pranced in, +in his long night-garment, with a candle, young Z after him +with another candle; a procession swept in at another door, +with candles and lanterns--landlord and two German guests +in their nightgowns and a chambermaid in hers. + +I looked around; I was at Harris's bed, a Sabbath-day's +journey from my own. There was only one sofa; it was against +the wall; there was only one chair where a body could get +at it--I had been revolving around it like a planet, +and colliding with it like a comet half the night. + +I explained how I had been employing myself, and why. +Then the landlord's party left, and the rest of us set +about our preparations for breakfast, for the dawn was +ready to break. I glanced furtively at my pedometer, +and found I had made 47 miles. But I did not care, for I +had come out for a pedestrian tour anyway. + + + +CHAPTER XIV +[Rafting Down the Neckar] + +When the landlord learned that I and my agents were artists, +our party rose perceptibly in his esteem; we rose still +higher when he learned that we were making a pedestrian +tour of Europe. + +He told us all about the Heidelberg road, and which +were the best places to avoid and which the best ones +to tarry at; he charged me less than cost for the things +I broke in the night; he put up a fine luncheon for us +and added to it a quantity of great light-green plums, +the pleasantest fruit in Germany; he was so anxious to do us +honor that he would not allow us to walk out of Heilbronn, +but called up Goetz von Berlichingen's horse and cab +and made us ride. + +I made a sketch of the turnout. It is not a Work, it is only +what artists call a "study"--a thing to make a finished +picture from. This sketch has several blemishes in it; +for instance, the wagon is not traveling as fast as the +horse is. This is wrong. Again, the person trying to get +out of the way is too small; he is out of perspective, +as we say. The two upper lines are not the horse's back, +they are the reigns; there seems to be a wheel missing +--this would be corrected in a finished Work, of course. +This thing flying out behind is not a flag, it is a curtain. +That other thing up there is the sun, but I didn't get +enough distance on it. I do not remember, now, what that +thing is that is in front of the man who is running, +but I think it is a haystack or a woman. This study +was exhibited in the Paris Salon of 1879, but did not +take any medal; they do not give medals for studies. +[Figure 3] + +We discharged the carriage at the bridge. The river was +full of logs--long, slender, barkless pine logs--and we +leaned on the rails of the bridge, and watched the men put +them together into rafts. These rafts were of a shape +and construction to suit the crookedness and extreme +narrowness of the Neckar. They were from fifty to one +hundred yards long, and they gradually tapered from a +nine-log breadth at their sterns, to a three-log breadth +at their bow-ends. The main part of the steering is done +at the bow, with a pole; the three-log breadth there +furnishes room for only the steersman, for these little logs +are not larger around than an average young lady's waist. +The connections of the several sections of the raft are +slack and pliant, so that the raft may be readily bent +into any sort of curve required by the shape of the river. + +The Neckar is in many places so narrow that a person +can throw a dog across it, if he has one; when it is +also sharply curved in such places, the raftsman has +to do some pretty nice snug piloting to make the turns. +The river is not always allowed to spread over its whole +bed--which is as much as thirty, and sometimes forty yards +wide--but is split into three equal bodies of water, +by stone dikes which throw the main volume, depth, and current +into the central one. In low water these neat narrow-edged +dikes project four or five inches above the surface, +like the comb of a submerged roof, but in high water +they are overflowed. A hatful of rain makes high water +in the Neckar, and a basketful produces an overflow. + +There are dikes abreast the Schloss Hotel, and the current +is violently swift at that point. I used to sit for hours +in my glass cage, watching the long, narrow rafts slip +along through the central channel, grazing the right-bank +dike and aiming carefully for the middle arch of the stone +bridge below; I watched them in this way, and lost all this +time hoping to see one of them hit the bridge-pier and wreck +itself sometime or other, but was always disappointed. +One was smashed there one morning, but I had just stepped +into my room a moment to light a pipe, so I lost it. + +While I was looking down upon the rafts that morning +in Heilbronn, the daredevil spirit of adventure came +suddenly upon me, and I said to my comrades: + +"_I_ am going to Heidelberg on a raft. Will you venture +with me?" + +Their faces paled a little, but they assented with as +good a grace as they could. Harris wanted to cable his +mother--thought it his duty to do that, as he was all +she had in this world--so, while he attended to this, +I went down to the longest and finest raft and hailed +the captain with a hearty "Ahoy, shipmate!" which put us +upon pleasant terms at once, and we entered upon business. +I said we were on a pedestrian tour to Heidelberg, +and would like to take passage with him. I said this +partly through young Z, who spoke German very well, +and partly through Mr. X, who spoke it peculiarly. I can +UNDERSTAND German as well as the maniac that invented it, +but I TALK it best through an interpreter. + +The captain hitched up his trousers, then shifted +his quid thoughtfully. Presently he said just what I +was expecting he would say--that he had no license +to carry passengers, and therefore was afraid the law +would be after him in case the matter got noised about +or any accident happened. So I CHARTERED the raft +and the crew and took all the responsibilities on myself. + +With a rattling song the starboard watch bent to their +work and hove the cable short, then got the anchor home, +and our bark moved off with a stately stride, and soon +was bowling along at about two knots an hour. + +Our party were grouped amidships. At first the talk was +a little gloomy, and ran mainly upon the shortness of life, +the uncertainty of it, the perils which beset it, and the +need and wisdom of being always prepared for the worst; +this shaded off into low-voiced references to the dangers +of the deep, and kindred matters; but as the gray east +began to redden and the mysterious solemnity and silence +of the dawn to give place to the joy-songs of the birds, +the talk took a cheerier tone, and our spirits began to +rise steadily. + +Germany, in the summer, is the perfection of the beautiful, +but nobody has understood, and realized, and enjoyed +the utmost possibilities of this soft and peaceful +beauty unless he has voyaged down the Neckar on a raft. +The motion of a raft is the needful motion; it is gentle, +and gliding, and smooth, and noiseless; it calms down +all feverish activities, it soothes to sleep all nervous +hurry and impatience; under its restful influence all the +troubles and vexations and sorrows that harass the mind +vanish away, and existence becomes a dream, a charm, +a deep and tranquil ecstasy. How it contrasts with hot +and perspiring pedestrianism, and dusty and deafening +railroad rush, and tedious jolting behind tired horses +over blinding white roads! + +We went slipping silently along, between the green and +fragrant banks, with a sense of pleasure and contentment +that grew, and grew, all the time. Sometimes the banks +were overhung with thick masses of willows that wholly +hid the ground behind; sometimes we had noble hills on +one hand, clothed densely with foliage to their tops, +and on the other hand open levels blazing with poppies, +or clothed in the rich blue of the corn-flower; +sometimes we drifted in the shadow of forests, and sometimes +along the margin of long stretches of velvety grass, +fresh and green and bright, a tireless charm to the eye. +And the birds!--they were everywhere; they swept back +and forth across the river constantly, and their jubilant +music was never stilled. + +It was a deep and satisfying pleasure to see the sun +create the new morning, and gradually, patiently, +lovingly, clothe it on with splendor after splendor, +and glory after glory, till the miracle was complete. +How different is this marvel observed from a raft, +from what it is when one observes it through the dingy +windows of a railway-station in some wretched village +while he munches a petrified sandwich and waits for the train. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Tramp Abroad, Part 2 +by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TRAMP ABROAD, PART 2 *** + +***** This file should be named 5783.txt or 5783.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.net/5/7/8/5783/ + +Produced by David Widger (Illustrated HTML version) + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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