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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/57382-8.zip b/57382-8.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 14fb97d..0000000 --- a/57382-8.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/57382-h.zip b/57382-h.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 496cbe5..0000000 --- a/57382-h.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/57382.txt b/57382.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 4295abb..0000000 --- a/57382.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,3145 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of My Chinese Marriage, by -Katherine Anne Porter and Mae M. Franking - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll -have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using -this ebook. - - - -Title: My Chinese Marriage - -Author: Katherine Anne Porter - Mae M. Franking - -Release Date: June 23, 2018 [EBook #57382] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MY CHINESE MARRIAGE *** - - - - -Produced by Mary Glenn Krause, Martin Pettit and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - - - - - - -MY CHINESE MARRIAGE - -By M. T. F. - -JOHN LANE THE BODLEY HEAD LIMITED -LONDON MCMXXII - - -_Printed in Great Britain by_ Butler & Tanner, _Frome and London_ - - -TO MY CHINESE FATHER AND MOTHER -WITH THE GRATITUDE AND AFFECTION -OF THEIR AMERICAN DAUGHTER THIS -VOLUME IS DEDICATED - - - - -CONTENTS - -CHAP. PAGE - I IN AMERICA 3 - - II IN SHANGHAI 49 - -III FIRST DAUGHTER-IN-LAW 97 - - IV THE ETERNAL HILLS 141 - - - - -I - -IN AMERICA - - -I saw Chan-King Liang for the first time on a certain Monday morning in -October. It was the opening day of college, and the preceding week had -been filled with the excitement incidental to the arrival of many -students in a small town given over to family life. Every household -possessed of a spare room was impressed with the fact that good -citizenship demanded that it harbour a student. Therefore, when I saw -trunks and boxes and bags being tumbled upon the front porch of our -next-door neighbour, I said to Mother, "Mrs. James has succumbed!" and -set out for my first class with Celia, an old friend. - -As we crossed the campus, we noticed a group of boys, gathered on the -steps of College Hall and talking among themselves. Celia turned to me. -"Do you see the one with very black hair, his face turned away a -little--the one in the grey suit, Margaret? Well, that is the new -Chinese student, and the boys all say he is a wonder. My cousin knew him -last year in Chicago, where he was a freshman. Going in for -international law and political science--imagine!" - -I turned and glanced with a faint interest at the foreign student, on -whose black hair the sun was shining. My first impression was of a very -young, smiling lad. "Looks well enough," I said rather ungraciously, and -we passed on. - -I was a busy student, eagerly beginning my freshman year's work, and I -thought no more of the young Chinese. But a day or so later I -discovered him to be the owner of those trunks and bags I had seen -assembled on Mrs. James's porch. Chan-King was my next-door neighbour. - -We were never introduced to each other, as it happened, and, though we -shared studies in German and French, we did not exchange a word for some -time. Later I found myself admiring his feat of learning two foreign -languages through the medium of English, a third, and doing it so very -well. At the same time, though I was not then aware of the fact, he was -also admiring me for proficiency in these subjects, in which I was -working hard, because I intended to teach languages. - -The progress of my interest in him was gradual and founded on a sense of -his complete remoteness, an utter failure to regard him as a human being -like the rest of us. He was the first of his race I had ever seen. But -finally we spoke to one another by some chance, and, after that, it -seemed unnecessary to refuse to walk to class with him on a certain -morning when we came out of our houses at the same moment. - -We parted at College Hall door with an exchange of informal little nods. -I was happily impressed, but my impulse to friendship suffered a quick -reaction from all that Chan-King was, when viewed against the background -of his race as I saw it. I had no intention whatever of continuing our -association. - -Naturally, Chan-King knew nothing of this. I think I was probably a -trifle more courteous to him than was necessary. I remember being uneasy -for fear of wounding him by some thoughtless remark that would reveal my -true state of mind about China. I lost sight of the race in the -individual. I even pretended not to notice that he was waiting for me -morning after morning when I emerged, always a trifle late, hurrying to -classes. By the close of the first semester, we were making the trip -together almost daily as a matter of course. - -He was gay and friendly, with a sort of frank joyousness that was his -own special endowment for living. I enjoyed his companionship, his talk, -his splendid spirit. His cheerfulness was a continual stimulant to my -moody, introspective, static temperament. I used to study his face, -which in repose had the true Oriental impassivity--a stillness that -suggested an inner silence or brooding. But this mood was rare in those -days, and I remember best his laughter, his shining eyes that never -missed the merriment to be had from the day's routine events. - -For a while we were merely two very conventional young students walking -sedately together, talking with eagerness on what now seem amusingly -sober and carefully chosen subjects. We were both determined to be -dignified and impersonal. I was nineteen, and Chan-King was two years -older. - -Finally, Chan-King asked to call and he appeared at the door that -evening, laden with an enormous, irregular package, a collection of -treasures that he thought might interest us. We all gathered about the -library table, where he spread a flaming array of embroidered silks, -carved ivory and sandalwood and curious little images in bronze and -blackwood. They gave out a delicious fragrance, spicy and warm and -sweet, with a bitter tang to it, a mingling of oils and lacquers and -dust of incense. - -He was very proud of half a dozen neckties his mother had made him, -patterned carefully after the American one he had sent her as a -souvenir. "She sews a great deal, and everything she does is beautiful," -he said, stroking one of the ties, fashioned of wine-coloured silk and -embroidered in a thin gold thread. - -The simple words, the tangle of the exotic things lying on the table, -in that moment set the whole world between us. I saw him as alien, far -removed and unknowable; I realized how utterly transplanted he must be, -moving as he did in a country whose ideals, manners and customs must -appear, at times, grotesquely fantastic to him. "How queer we must seem -to you!" I exclaimed impulsively, lifting a solid, fat little idol in my -hand. - -"Queer? Not at all--but wonderfully interesting in everything. You see, -to me it is all one world!" Our eyes met for a second. Then he offered -me a small embroidered Chinese flag. I hesitated, looking at the -writhing, fire-breathing dragon done in many-coloured silks. Again the -old prejudice swept over me. I was about to refuse. But I saw in his -eyes an expression of hesitating, half-anxious pleading, which touched -me. I took the flag, puzzled a trifle over that look I had surprised. - -Chan-King became a frequent visitor at our home in the evenings, making -friends with my father and mother, with true Chinese deference. I like -to remember those times, with all of us sitting around the big table, -the shaded lamp casting a clear circle of light on the books and papers, -the rest of the room in pleasant dimness. It was during these evenings -that Chan-King told us about his father, typical Chinese product of his -clan and time, who had early perceived the limitations of a too -nationalistic point of view and had planned Western education for his -sons, of whom Chan-King was the eldest. From his talk I reconstructed a -half-picture of his home in southern China. It was a large household of -brothers and relatives and servants ruled over by his mother during the -prolonged absences of his father, whose business interests lay in a -far-away island port. - -Once he brought a faded photograph of a small boy formally arrayed in -the Chinese velvets and satins of an earlier period. "Myself at the age -of six," he explained. - -I examined the picture closely. "Why, Mr. Liang," I said, in wonder, -"you are wearing a--wearing a--queue!" - -He smiled, delighted at my confusion. "Yes, a very nice queue it was," -he declared, "bound with a scarlet silk cord. I remember how it waved in -the wind when I flew my kite on the hills!" - -"You wore a black queue yourself, Margaret," interposed my mother, her -eyes twinkling, "shorter than this, but often tied with a red silk -ribbon." - -"You see, we had that in common, at least," said Chan-King. And he -flashed a grateful smile at Mother. There was a well-established -friendship between my kindly, understanding mother and Chan-King while -my feeling for him was still uncertain. - -Yet, in spite of all these reasons for close sympathy with Chan-King, I -felt towards him at times something amounting almost to dislike. Against -such states of mind my sense of personal justice, a trait I had directly -from my Scotch inheritance, instantly rebelled. I was careful in no way -to reveal my feelings, though I probably should have done so had I even -remotely realized that friendship was verging upon love. As it was, I -had an ideal of genuine comradeship, of a pleasant interlude destined to -end with our college days. - -Towards the end of the winter, as our acquaintance advanced, there came -to me a series of those revulsions. I assured myself that so ephemeral a -relation as ours must be was hardly worth the time I was giving to it. I -remembered that, fine as Chan-King was, he belonged to the Chinese race. -I decided to put an end to the entire episode at once. The way in which -I carried out this plan was unnecessarily abrupt. I avoided him -unmistakably, going to class and returning home by a roundabout way, and -refusing to see him either in class or on the campus. - -Then, one afternoon at the end of two weeks, he was waiting for me -before the main door of College Hall. I did not speak. He joined me -without a word and walked in silence to the campus edge. I turned -suddenly toward a side street. "Go that way if you like," I said rudely. -"I have an errand this way." - -He came with me. "I wish to talk with you," he said, with an oddly -restrained, patient tone of weariness. Our eyes met, and I saw in his a -gentle and touching determination to understand and be understood, which -would have been more significant to me if I had been less engrossed in -my own emotions. - -"Why do you wish to end our friendship?" he asked quietly, with his -characteristic frankness. - -"I--because I thought it was best," I stammered, completely disarmed. - -"It is never best to give up a friendship," he said. "But it happens -that our friendship may end soon after all. It is possible I shall -return to China. To-day I received a cablegram from my father, saying my -mother is dangerously ill. I shall know within a day or so whether I am -to go or to stay." - -Human sympathy triumphed over race prejudice. "Come home with me," I -said, "and let Mother talk to you. She always knows what to say." - -Another cablegram two days later brought the good news of his mother's -improvement. Chan-King's anxiety during those two days wrung me. He said -nothing, but his face was strained and lined. He walked and we talked a -good deal of other things, and he gave me definite outlines of his -"life-plan," as he called it. He regarded the diplomatic service of his -country as his final goal, but, on the way to it, he wished to take part -in constructive teaching and sociological work in China. He was keenly -enthusiastic about the ancient arts and natural beauties of China and -venerated many of her old customs. "I hope introducing modern education -will not destroy the beauty of the East," he told me, but he was solidly -convinced of the need for new ideas in all the Orient. I began to see -his country through new eyes. - -We were soon going about together a great deal. I remember many happy -parties on the lantern-lighted campus, many field-days and tennis -matches, all the innocent freedom of college life that we enjoyed -together. I was rather remote in my personal friendships, and very -little was said to me regarding my association with the Chinese student. -But now I began to hear small murmurs, a vague hum of discussion, and -to observe an interested watching of us by the students and townspeople. -I could not help seeing that curious glances followed us when we entered -a tea-room or concert hall together. - -Several friends of my mother's spoke disapprovingly to her of the -matter. "What if they should fall in love--marry?" asked one -conventional-minded old lady. But my mother was born without prejudices -and never sees boundary lines or nationalities. She was infinitely -tactful and kind. I know now that she was rather uneasy, for she felt -that marriage is a difficult enough relation when each person knows the -other's heritage and formulas; but she said nothing to make me -self-conscious, not even repeating the remarks of her acquaintances -until long afterwards. - -However, I heard comments from other sources, which irritated me a -trifle and had the perfectly natural effect of stimulating my loyalty -to Chan-King and arousing at times a yearning tenderness to shield him -from injustice. At this time we tentatively expressed our views on -intermarriage. We were sitting in the porch late one afternoon. "I -believe marriage between alien races is a mistake," I said, in the -decisive way I cultivated at that time. "It is better to marry one's own -kind." - -"No doubt there are fewer difficulties," he answered without conviction. -"It is all so much a personal problem. Marriages between Americans do -not seem to be always successful." - -I flared. "We hear only of the unhappy ones," I retorted. - -"But there are many, many unhappy ones, then," he returned gently. "I -wonder if unhappy marriage in all countries is not due to selfishness -and lack of love and to unwillingness to compromise on unimportant -differences." - -We could not possibly quarrel here, and our talk proceeded amiably. - -My thoughts at dinner that night seem very amusing to me as I recall -them now. Chan-King was so like one of us, as we sat at table together, -that I found myself wondering if it was true that a Chinese wife did not -eat at the same table with her husband; if she actually did wait upon -him and obey him without question in everything; if Chan-King would -return to China soon and there become an insufferable, autocratic -Eastern husband. The thought oppressed me unbearably. Since Chan-King -was leaving next day on a summer-vacation trip, this was a farewell -dinner. He insisted on helping me with the dishes afterwards, for ours -was a simple household, and we usually had no maid. We were very merry -over the task. "In China," he confided, as he stacked the saucers, "the -lot of women is much easier. They have servants for everything of this -kind. I know an Englishwoman who married a Chinese, and she afterwards -taught in a college for the sake of something to do." - -"She did quite right," I said. "Idleness is not good for anyone." - -"Chinese wives are not idle," he answered gravely, "they have many -duties for everyone in their household." - -At this he turned his eyes upon me, with an intent, inner look. Because -I was impressed, I chose to be flippant. - -"If I obstruct your view, I will move," I said. - -"It would do no good," he answered. "You are always there--wherever I -want to look." - -Later he was writing his name in Chinese characters on a photograph he -had given my mother. I stood beside him. He dropped the pen, turned to -me and took both my hands in his own. He bent toward me, and I drew -away, shaking my head decisively. I wrenched one hand free, and the -kiss he meant for my lips reached my fingers instead. I was overwhelmed -with a sense of invasion. We quarrelled, but without bitterness or real -anger. I was simply convinced that, since love was not for us, we were -bound by all ethics to keep our relations in the outward seeming of -friendship. For a moment I felt that one of my ideals had been rudely -shattered. - -"Oh, but you have mistaken me!" he declared earnestly, refusing to -release my hand. - -"Kisses are not for friendship," I managed to say. - -"I'm sorry," he confessed, but I saw in his eyes that he regretted my -misunderstanding of him, nothing more. - -During his summer travels he wrote me many letters. I had time to think, -and in my thoughts I admitted that to be a friend of Chan-King was -better than to have the love of anyone else in the world. - -When he returned, we wandered together one evening down to the campus -and sat on a stone bench in the moon-shade of a tall tree. I had -overheard a remark, tinged with race prejudice, that had awakened again -in my heart that brooding maternal tenderness, and when Chan-King's eyes -pleaded wistfully I gave him, as a sacrificial offering, the kiss before -denied. - -That autumn he transferred for a year to a New England university. He -told me long afterwards it was so that absence might teach me to know my -own heart. I loved him now and admitted it to myself with bitter -honesty. But all fulfilment of love seemed so hopeless and remote, the -chasm fixed between our races seemed so impassable, that I gave up in my -heart and put away his letters as they came, smiling with affected -youthful cynicism at the memory of that kiss, which could mean nothing -more to us than a sweet and troubled recollection. - -He came back unexpectedly at the end of the college term. There was an -indescribably hopeful, anxious look in his eyes as he took my hands. My -first sight of his face, grown older and graver in those long months, -brought a shock of poignant happiness, very near to tears. Off guard, we -met as lovers, with all antagonisms momentarily swept away, all -pretences forgotten. I went to his arms as my one sure haven. For this -hour love made everything simple and happy. - -My father and mother were astonished when we told them of our intention -to marry. With gentle wisdom, Mother suggested that we should allow -ourselves a year of engagement, "in order to be sure," as she expressed -it. We were very sure, but we consented. - -Chan-King wrote at once to his people in south China, telling of his -engagement. For me, he had one important explanation, made in his frank, -straightforward way. "In China," he told me, "it is usual for parents to -arrange their children's marriages, often years in advance. When I was -very young, it was generally understood that I would later marry the -daughter of my father's good friend, three years younger than I. There -was no formal betrothal, and, when I left home to study, I asked my -father not to make any definite plans for my marriage until my return. -The subject has never been mentioned since, and I don't know what his -ideas are now. But they can make no difference with us--you understand -that, Margaret, dear?" Again I felt myself in spiritual collision with -unknown forces and wondered at his calmness in opposing the claims of -his heredity. - -His family replied to his letter with a cablegram, forbidding the -marriage. I had never seriously expected any other decision. A letter -followed, conciliatory in tone, in which his father explained that, -since Chan-King's foreign education was nearly completed, arrangements -had been made for his marriage to Miss Li-Ying immediately upon his -return home. He gave a charming description of his bride, whom Chan-King -had not seen for twelve years. She was, he said, young and modest and -kind, she was beautiful and wealthy, and, moreover, had been given a -modern education in order to fit her for the position of wife to an -advanced Chinese. The match was greatly desired by both families. In -conclusion, the letter urgently requested that Chan-King would not make -it impossible for his father to fulfil the contract he had entered into -with a friend, and very gently intimated that by so doing he would -forfeit all right to further consideration. - -There were other letters. An American friend, a missionary, wrote--oh, -very tactfully--of the difficulties he would have in keeping an American -wife happy in the Orient. A Chinese cousin discussed at length the -sorrows a foreign daughter-in-law would bring into his house--the -bitterness of having in the family an alien and stubborn woman, who -would be unwilling to give his parents the honour due to them or to -render them the service they would expect of their son's wife. - -Many letters of this kind came in a group. There was a hopeless tone of -finality, a solid clan consciousness in those letters that frightened me -a little. I was uneasy, uncertain. I had found no irreconcilable -elements in our minds, for I was very conservative West, and he was very -liberal East. But here were represented the people with whom his life -must be spent and the social background against which it must -harmoniously unfold. I felt with terrific force that it was not -Chan-King, but Chan-King's traditions and ancestors, his tremendous -racial past, that I must reckon with. - -Also, I did not wish to stand in the way of his future. I doubt if I -could have found courage to marry Chan-King, if I had then realized the -importance--especially in diplomatic and political circles--of clan and -family influence in China. But he gave it up so freely, with such -assured and unregretful cheerfulness, that I could not but share his -mood. - -In these calm, logical, impersonal family letters, which Chan-King -translated for me, there was a strain of sinister philosophy that -chilled me as I read. The letters dealt entirely with his duty in its -many phases--to his parents, to his ancestors, to his country, to his -own future. Nothing of love! Only one relative--a cousin--mentioned it -at all, and in this wise: "You are young now, and to youth love seems -of great importance. But, as age replaces youth, you will find that love -runs away like water." - -"That is not true, Chan-King," I said, with solemn conviction. "Love is -greater than life or age; it lives beyond death. It is love that makes -eternity!" - -At this time, Chan-King did not quite comprehend my mystical -interpretation of love. But he answered very happily, "To have you for -my wife is worth everything else the world can offer." - -Chan-King continued to write to his family briefly and respectfully, -declining to be influenced in any way. Replies came at lengthening -intervals and then ceased. There was no open breach, no violent tearing -asunder of bonds. Courteously, quite gently, the hands of his people -were removed, and he stood alone. - -"But surely your mother will not give you up!" I exclaimed one day when -it dawned on me that not one message had she sent in all the -correspondence. - -"Not in her dear heart," he said, with unshaken faith, "but of course -she will not write to me if my father disapproves." - -"But a mother, Chan-King!" I protested. "Surely her feelings come first -always!" - -Chan-King's tone was patient after the manner of one who has explained -an obvious fact many times. "In China," he reminded me again, "the -family comes always before the individual. But with you and me, Margaret -beloved, love has first importance." - -His never-failing insistence upon viewing ours as an individual -instance, not to be judged by any ordinary standards, was a source of -great strength to me always. During the short period that followed -before our marriage, we tiffed a few times in the most conventional -manner, with fits of jealousy that had no foundation; small distrusts -that on my part were mere efforts to uphold what I considered my proper -feminine pride, and on his, were often failures to discount this -characteristic temper of mine. Only, somehow, there was never any -rancour in our quarrels. Not once would we deny our love for each other. - -So we planned to be married immediately. There were no reasons why we -should delay further. That is to say, none but practical reasons, and -what have they to do with young people in love? "It is a little late for -us to begin practical thinking," said Chan-King cheerfully, when we -discussed ways and means. "But we might as well make the experiment." - -Chan-King was no longer merely a student with a generous allowance from -a wealthy father. On his own resources, with his education not -completed, he was about to acquire a foreign wife and to face an -untried world. We were strangely light-hearted about all this. Chan-King -had regularly put by more than half of his allowance since coming to -America. I meant to be a teacher of languages, economically independent -if circumstances required such aid for a man beginning a career. Our -plans were soon completed. At the end of another term, which we would -finish together, Chan-King would be graduated, and then, after a year of -practice in his profession, he would return to China, there to begin his -life work. I was to follow later. Nothing could have been more -delightfully simple so far as we could see. A few days later we were -married in my mother's house by an Anglican clergyman. "Of course you -will live here with us until you go to China," my parents had said. "We -want our children with us, if you can be happy here." - -This seemed a very natural arrangement to Chan-King, accustomed as he -was to family life. But I was apprehensive. The popular Western idea -that people cannot be friends if they are related by law was heavy on my -mind. I did not expect any drastic readjustment of temperament between -my Chinese husband and me, but I did look forward somewhat timorously to -a trying period of small complications due to differences in domestic -customs and the routine of daily living. - -I need not have worried a moment; a wonderful spirit of family -co-operation was an important part of Chan-King's Oriental heritage. -From the day of our wedding he took his place with charming ease and -naturalness as a member of the household. The affection that existed -between my husband and my parents simplified that phase of our relation -perfectly, and left us free to adjust ourselves to each other and the -world, though the latter we took very little into account. Until I met -Chan-King, the idea of being conspicuous was unendurable to me. But when -I early perceived that to appear with him anywhere was to invite the -gaze of the curious, I discovered with surprise that it mattered not at -all. (I was very proud of my husband and loved to go about with him.) We -were happy from the beginning. - -Discovering life together proved a splendid adventure, which renewed -itself daily. The deep affection and tenderness between us created -subtle comprehensions too delicate to be put into words. A quick look -interchanged during a pause in talk would often convey a complete -thought. I always felt that Chan-King had acuter perceptions, more -reserve, and more imagination than I. Also he was meticulous--as I was -not--in regard to small amenities. I had always been used to having my -own way without causing discomfort to anyone else, but I found that I -could not speak carelessly or act thoughtlessly without the risk of -violating his sense of the fitness of things. My greatest difficulty in -the first few months of our marriage came from my constant effort to -adjust my mode of thought and action to meet a highly trained and -critical temperament, to whom the second-bests of association, spiritual -or mental or material, were not acceptable. Yet, if he exacted much, he -gave more. In everything, he had a generosity so sincere and spontaneous -that it aroused a like quality in me. - -I am in many ways the elemental type of woman, requiring, I know, a -certain measure of domination in love. It was imperative that I should -respect my husband, and it pleased me to discover, in our several slight -domestic crises, that his was far the stronger will. I had taken my vow -to obey, having specified that the word was not to be omitted from the -marriage ceremony. How I should have kept it under a tyrannical will I -do not know, for Chan-King was not a domestic dictator. He took it for -granted that we were partners and equals in our own departments of life. -He trusted my judgment in the handling of my share of our affairs, and -in later years often came to me for advice in his own. Nevertheless, -morally, the balance of power was in his hands, and I was glad to leave -it there. Often our disagreements would end in laughter because each one -of us would give way gradually from the position first assumed, until we -had almost changed sides in the discussion. This happened again and -again. - -From the very beginning, I saw clearly, by some grace, the point at -which Chan-King's Oriental mind and Occidental education came into the -keenest conflict: my attitude towards other men and their attitude -toward me. He was never meanly jealous or suspicious, but there was in -him that unconquerable Eastern sense of exclusiveness in love, that -cherishing of personal possession, so incomprehensible to the average -Western imagination. - -I had planned to instruct a young man in French during the summer -months, as a part of my vacation work, and I casually announced my -intention to Chan-King. He opposed it at once, I thought unfairly. I was -a great while persuading him to admit his real reasons for objecting. -Finally I said, somewhat at random, "If my pupil were a girl, you would -not care." - -"You have enough work as it is," he persisted, but without firmness, and -his eyes flickered away from mine. I laughed a little. He turned to me a -face so distressed that my smile died suddenly. "Oh, don't laugh!" he -said, painfully in earnest. "You must keep in mind what you are to me. -I--cannot be different. I am sorry." - -I gave up my harmless young pupil and said nothing more. From that -moment I began to form my entire code of conduct where men were -concerned on a rigidly impersonal and formal basis. It was not -difficult, for my first and only affection was centred in my husband, -and the impulse to coquetry was foreign to my nature. - -My husband's determination to leave my individuality untrammelled was -sometimes overborne, in small ways that delighted me, by his innate -sense of fitness. We played tennis and he played excellently. One day, -as we left the courts, he said to me, "Tennis just isn't your game, -Margaret. Your dignity is always getting in the way of your drive. I -don't want you to give up your dignity--it is too much a part of you. -But you might leave tennis alone and try archery. I am sure that is -more suited to your type." The amused obedience with which I took his -suggestion soon became enthusiasm for the new sport. - -To me, marriage had always seemed the most mystic and important of human -relations, involving at times all the rest--and particularly parenthood. -I am a born mother, to whom the idea of marriage without children is -unthinkable. Since I put away my dolls, dream children had taken their -place in the background of my fancy. I saw them vaguely at first, but -with the coming of love I knew quite clearly how they would look. Now -that I had married Chan-King, I should have liked a child at once as a -surer bond between us and a source of comfort for myself while he would -be making his start in China. I knew that he loved children, for on -several occasions I had deliberately put a tiny neighbour in his way -and had taken note of his warm friendliness and gentleness with the wee -thing. But, fearing that he would be unwilling to accept a new -responsibility while our affairs were still unsettled, I put aside my -desire for a child, though my loved books were growing strangely -irksome. I did not know that my husband shared the usual foreign belief -that the American woman is an unwilling mother. - -Then one day he went to call on a friend of his, a Chinese student whose -wife and little son were with him. "I saw the Chinese baby," he told me -with boyish eagerness. "He is going to have a little brother soon. Lucky -baby!" - -"Lucky parents!" I corrected him, and sighed enviously. Chan-King looked -at me, the wonder on his face growing into a delighted smile. "Do you -mean it, Margaret?" he asked incredulously. Then we talked long and -earnestly of our children. To Chan-King's old-world mind, children -should follow marriage as naturally as fruit the blossom, and his -happiness in discovering that my ideals were exactly his own brought us -to another plane of understanding and contentment with each other. -Besides, he explained, a grandchild would do much to reconcile his -parents to our marriage. - -Happily, when the school term was over, I put aside my books for a -needle. I had always been fond of sewing, but never had I found such -fascinating work as the making of those tiny garments of silk and -flannel and lawn. My practical mother protested against so much -embroidering, but my husband only smiled as he rummaged gently through -the basket of small sewing. - -"You are a real Chinese wife, after all," he would say. "A Chinese wife -sews and embroiders a great deal. She even makes shoes for the family." - -"Shoes, Chan-King?" - -"Shoes, no less. To make shoes beautifully is a fine art, and a Chinese -woman takes pride in excelling at it. She is proud of her feet and makes -all her own shoes." - -Then he would tell me stories of his childhood and recall memories of -the closed garden in his old home, where he played at battledore with a -tiny girl, while her mother and his mother sat together, embroidering -and talking in low tones. The two young mothers were friends and were -planning for the marriage of their son and daughter, which would -strengthen the friendship into a family bond. - -I took great interest in this little girl, who flitted through -Chan-King's stories like a brilliant butterfly seen through a mist. Her -name was Li-Ying and she was only three years old when she ran, with her -little feet still unbound, through those sweetly remembered green -gardens of his childhood. Somewhere now she was sitting, her lily feet -meekly crossed, embroidering shoes, waiting until her father should -betroth her to another youth. - -When Chan-King showed me a portrait of himself, taken in a group with -his mother and father when he was eight years old, I examined very -thoughtfully the austerely beautiful face of the woman who had brought -him into life. She sat on one side of the carved blackwood table. Her -narrow, panelled skirt was raised a trifle to show her amazingly tiny -feet. On the other side of the table sat Chan-King's father, an -irreconcilably stern and autocratic-looking man, magnificently garbed in -the old style. Beside him stood a small, solemn boy, wearing a round -cap, his queue still bound, he told me, with a red cord, his hands lost -in the long velvet sleeves that reached almost to his knees. I put my -finger on the head of this boy. "I hope our son will look exactly like -him," I said. - -At last the hoped-for son was born and laid in my arms. He was swaddled -and powdered and new and he wept for obscure reasons. But my husband and -I smiled joyfully at the delicious, incredible resemblance of that tiny -face to his own. Chan-King looked at him a long time, a quizzical, happy -smile in the corners of his mouth. Then he kissed me very gently and -said, "He's a real Liang baby, Margaret. Are you glad?" I answered that -I was glad, as I had been for everything love had brought to me. - -Our plans progressed favourably, and, when our son Wilfred was five -months old, Chan-King returned to China. I bid him good-bye in the way I -knew would please him most--calmly and without tears. But, when it came -to the last moment, I felt unable to let him go. Mutely I clung to him, -the baby on my arm between us. - -"It won't be for long, this," he assured me. "We shall all be together -at home very soon. You are brave and dear and true, Margaret. You shall -never be made sorry. Be patient." - -His first letters told of his new work in one of the older colleges for -which Shanghai is famous. He also began his practice of law in an -official capacity. His first step toward the diplomatic service had been -taken. - -At the end of four months, I received his summons and went about making -ready for the journey to China with my young son. My life-work was to -help my husband in making a home. His life-work was in China. The -conclusion was so obvious that neither I nor my parents had ever -questioned it. But, now that the moment had come, the friends of the -family were very much excited. They asked strange questions. Are you -really going? How can you leave your mother? How can you give up -beautiful America? Aren't you afraid to go to China? I answered as -patiently and reasonably as I could. They wearied me very much. - -Of China itself I had no clear conception, in spite of Chan-King's -letters, for, though my old prejudice had passed away, still I saw all -the country only as a background for my husband's face. - -I followed Chan-King's minute instructions concerning travelling -arrangements, and Wilfred and I had a pleasant voyage. Early one morning -I looked through the port-hole and saw about me the murky waters of the -Yangtze, alive with native craft, while dimly through the mist loomed -the fortifications of Woosung. Already the tender was waiting, and soon -we were aboard, moving rapidly up the mouth of the river. The mist -cleared, green banks arose on each side, and through distant trees -gleamed red brick buildings like any at home, side by side with the -white-plastered walls and tip-tilted roofs of China. In that long ride, -Shanghai grew upon me gradually, a curious mixture of the known and the -unknown, tantalizing me with the feeling that I had seen all this before -and ought to remember it better. In the water about me, steamer, launch -and battle-ship mingled with native junk, river-barge and house-boat. -Suddenly in the waiting group on the customs jetty I saw my husband. In -another moment we had drawn alongside the wharf and he was in the tender -beside me, greeting me in the formally courteous manner he deemed suited -to public occasions. Taking Wilfred in his arms, he drew me up the steps -and to a waiting carriage. - -Here again was the confused mingling of the strange and the familiar: -clanging tram-cars, honking motor-cars, smooth-rolling rickshaws, -creaking wheel-barrows and lumbering, man-drawn trucks; dark -coolie-faces under wide straw hats, gently bred features beneath pith -helmets, black, bearded countenances below huge, gay turbans; a -bewildering jumble of alien and English speech. - -Even in Chan-King I found it. He was wearing American dress, his face -had not changed, the tones of his voice were the same, but he was -speaking Chinese, and his directions to the _mafoo_ were to me a -meaningless succession of sounds. - -But, when he was beside me in the carriage and the horses had started, -he turned suddenly and smiled straight into my eyes. Then, Shanghai, -Borneo or the North Pole--all would have been one to me. I asked no -questions; I was with my husband and child, driving rapidly towards the -home prepared for me. I had come home to China. - - - - -II - -IN SHANGHAI - - -My first impressions of Shanghai are a blur. My husband and I drove -rapidly along the Bund, over Garden Bridge, which might have been any -bridge in America, past the Astor House, which was very like any -American hotel, and then along the Soochow Creek, which could be only in -China. - -On North Szechuan Road we stopped at a _li_, or terrace, of newly built -houses in the style called semi-foreign. This _li_, which was in the -International Settlement, was very bright and clean. It opened upon the -main thoroughfare. The heavy walls of bright red brick were interrupted -at intervals by black doors bearing brass plates. At one of these my -husband stopped and touched a very American-looking push-button. A bell -trilled within, and the door was opened by a smiling "boy" in a long -blue cotton gown. We crossed a small courtyard bright with flowers and -vines, and, coming to the main entrance, stepped directly into a large -square room. It was cool, immaculate and restful. The matting-covered -floors, the skilfully arranged tables, chairs and sofa, the straight -hangings of green and white, threaded with gold, were exactly what I -should have wished to choose for myself. I was pleasantly surprised by -the gas chandelier with its shades of green and gold and white. A dark -green gas radiator along one wall suggested that Shanghai was not always -so warm as then. It was a very modest little home, befitting a man with -his own way to make, Chan-King explained, as he led me through the rooms -for a hasty survey. Then Wilfred was surrendered to his _amah_, a -fresh-cheeked young woman in stiffly starched blue "coat," white -trousers and apron, while we made ready for a tiffin engagement with -Chinese friends of Chan-King's. - -After a short rickshaw ride--novel and delightful to me--we turned from -the main road into another series of terraces and entered a real Chinese -household. The host and hostess, who had both been in America and spoke -excellent English, were very cordial in their welcome. I felt more at -home than I had believed could be possible. Tiffin was served in the -Chinese fashion, the guests seated at a great round table, with the -dishes of meat, fish and vegetables placed in the centre, so that each -one could help himself as he chose. Individual bowls of rice, small -plates, chopsticks and spoons were at each plate. Set at intervals, were -small, shallow dishes containing soy, mustard or catsup and also -roasted melon-seeds and almonds. When my hostess, who had thoughtfully -rounded out her delicious Chinese menu with bread and butter and velvety -ice-cream, as thoughtfully produced a silver knife and fork for me, my -husband explained that I was rather deft in the use of chopsticks. -Though he had taught me, during the early days of our marriage, to use a -slender ivory pair that he possessed, I was now very nervous, but I felt -obliged to prove his delighted assertion. So my social conformity as a -Chinese wife began there, before a friendly and amused audience, who -assured me that I did very well. - -On the way home Chan-King said, "Will this be difficult for you, -Margaret?" - -"Chopsticks?" I asked gaily, well enough knowing that he did not mean -chopsticks. "No, I like them!" - -"I mean everything," he said very gravely, "China--customs, people, -home-sickness, everything." - -"You will see whether you haven't married a true Oriental," I answered -him. "As for home-sickness, why, Chan-King--I am at home." - -The most important thing at first, materially speaking, was that -Chan-King must make his own way without help of any sort. And for the -upper class Chinese this is very difficult. He was teaching advanced -English in one of the largest colleges in Shanghai, maintaining a legal -practice and giving lectures on international law. He was glad to be at -home again, filled with enthusiasm for his work, hopeful as the young -returned students always are at first, and, through sheer inability to -limit his endeavours, working beyond his strength. - -Our happiness at being together again made all things seem possible. -From its fragmentary beginnings in America, we gathered again into our -hands the life we expected to make so full and rich. My part, I -recognized, was to be a genuinely old-fashioned wife--the role I was -best fitted for, and the one most helpful to Chan-King. And I began by -running my Chinese household with minute attention to providing for his -comfort in small ways that he liked and never failed to appreciate. - -Our two-story house consisted of two big rooms downstairs and sleeping -apartments and a tiny roof-garden upstairs. In this roof-garden I spent -most of my time, and there Wilfred and his _amah_ passed many -afternoons. It was a pleasant, sunny place, furnished with painted -steamer chairs, rugs and blooming plants in pottery jars. At the back, -rather removed from the main part of the house, were the kitchen, -servants' quarters and an open-air laundry. We were really very -practical and modern and comfortable. Our kitchen provided for an -admirable compromise between old and new methods. It had an English -gas-range and a Chinese one. But the proper Chinese atmosphere was -preserved by three well-trained servants who called themselves Ah Ching, -Ah Ling and Ah Poh. Most Shanghai servants are called simply "Boy" or -"Amah" or "Coolie," but ours chose those names, as distinctive for -servants there as "James" and "Bridget" are with us. Ah Ching did most -of the house-work and the running of errands; Ah Ling did the marketing -and cooking, giving us a pleasantly varied succession of Chinese and -foreign dishes; Ah Poh, the _amah_, looked after Wilfred and attended to -my personal wants. - -From the first I was fond of Ah Poh, with her finely formed, intelligent -features, her soft voice and gentle, unhurried manner. She had served an -American mistress before coming to me, but showed a surprising -willingness to adopt my particular way of doing things, whether in -making beds, in keeping my clothes in order or in entertaining Wilfred. -On the other hand, Ah Ching, elderly, grave and full of responsibility, -was very partial to his accustomed way of arranging furniture and of -washing windows and floors. If left to himself, he would dust odd nooks -and corners faithfully, but if I made any formal inspection of his -labours he would invariably slight them, to intimate that I should not -be suspicious, as a friend explained--a form of logic that I found -highly amusing. Ah Ling, aside from his culinary ability, was chiefly -interesting because his eyes were really oblique--as Chinese eyes are -supposed to be, and usually are not, and because his hair really -curled--as Chinese hair is supposed never to do, and does occasionally. - -For a young pair bent on thrift, we may have seemed very extravagant -indeed. In similar circumstances in America, I should probably have -thought it extravagant to have even one servant. But this household was -a very small one for China and, on our modest income, we maintained it -with a satisfactory margin. - -Chan-King was helpful and showed great tact and understanding in getting -our establishment under way. I would not confess to my utter -bewilderment in trying to manage servants who did not understand half of -what I said to them. I think he became aware that I was holding on -rather hard at times during those first months, and he never failed me. -In turn, I helped him revise his papers in the evenings and assisted him -with his letters, and he used to call me his secretary. We discovered -during that first year in China that we had formed a true partnership. - -Our social life was very pleasant. We entertained a great deal, in a -simple way. We belonged to a club or two and kept in close touch with -the work of the returned students, who have become an important factor -in the national life. Though wishing to conserve what is best in the -civilization of China, they are bringing Western ideas to bear upon the -solution of political, sociological and economic problems. Many of these -students, as well as other interesting people, both Chinese and foreign, -gathered at our house for dinners and teas. - -There was a veteran of the customs service, a portly gentleman with -bristling white moustache, who had been one of the first group of -Government students sent to America fifty years before. He told -interesting stories of the trials and joys of those early days and -humorously lamented the fact that real apple-pie was not to be obtained -in China. There was a distinguished editor of English publications, a -tall, spare figure, whose very quietness suggested reserves of mental -power. With him often was a short, energetic man in early maturity--a -far-sighted educator and convincing orator. I remember a lively -discussion opened up by these two concerning the need for a Chinese -magazine devoted to the interests of the modern woman of China--an early -dream, which is now being fulfilled. There was a retired member of -Parliament with an unfailing zeal for political discussion, who has -since returned to the service of his Government. Also a smiling young -man, who went about persuading Old China of her need for progress, but -who could on occasion put aside his dignity to indulge a talent for -diverting bits of comedy. There was the Chinese-American son of a former -diplomat, who--born in America and coming to China as a grown -man--seemed definitely to recognize his kinship with the land of his -fathers, a fact that Chan-King and I found interesting for its possible -bearing on the future of our own sons. Naturally, most of our friends -were the younger modern folk, who were loosening the ancient bonds of -formality in their daily lives. But many of the older and more -conservative people also used to come to our evening gatherings, where -my husband and I received side by side. - -As I came to know the Chinese, I was delighted with their social -deftness. They look upon grace of manner and courtesy as the foundations -of all social life. I was pleasantly impressed by the measure of -deference that they showed to wives, daughters, sisters and friends--so -different from the contempt that Western imagination supposes to be -their invariable share. Occasionally I noticed a husband carefully -translating that his wife might fully enjoy the conversation. Many of -the women, however, spoke English excellently. All our receptions and -dinners were delightfully free and full of good talk. The Chinese have -so beautifully the gift of saying profound things lightly; they can -think deeply without being heavy and pedantic. - -I remember the first dinner-party I attended in Shanghai. It was rather -a grand affair, with many guests, all Chinese save me--"And I'm almost -Chinese," I said to my husband. The men and women all sat together -around one great table, in excellent humour with each other, and the -talk was very gay. - -A little Chinese woman whom I knew rather well said to me later, "And -think of it--only last year in this house we should have been at -separate tables!" When I asked her to explain, she said that once men -did not bring their guests to their homes at all. Then they brought -them, but entertained them in the men's side of the house. Later they -admitted women to dine in the same room, but at separate tables, and -now, here we are, chatting and dining together quite in Western fashion. -"I like this much better," the little lady decided. - -I was glad to see that all of them wore Chinese dress, for it is most -impressively beautiful. I wore my first jacket and plaited skirt that -night, a combination of pale green and black satin, and now and then I -would see Chan-King's eyes turned upon me with the look I best loved to -see there--a clear, warm affection shining in them, a certain steady -glow of expression that had love and friendship and understanding in it. -I think the sight of me in the dress of his country confirmed in his -mind my declaration that I loved China--that I wanted to be a real -Chinese wife. - -After this, though for certain occasions the American fashion seemed -more appropriate, I wore Chinese dress a great deal. I remember a day -when Dr. Wu Ting-fang came to dinner, and, as he bowed to me, obviously -took note of my garb. - -He looked at me very keenly for a moment, as if he meant to ask a -serious question. Then he said, in his abrupt manner, "You are happy in -that dress?" - -"Indeed I am," I answered. - -"You like it better than you like American clothes?" he persisted. - -I nodded firmly, smiling and catching my husband's eye. - -"Then wear it always," said the Doctor, with a pontifical lifting of his -fingers. - -Oddly enough, my husband did not care for the native feminine fashion of -trousers and never permitted me to wear them. I considered them very -graceful and comfortable, but gladly adopted the severely plain skirts -with the plaits at the sides. - -I had put on China, to wear it always, in my heart and mind, and thought -only of my husband, his work and his people. In the beginning, I should -have been perfectly content to remain cloistered, to meet no one save a -few woman friends, to go nowhere. Life flowed by me so evenly that I was -happy to drift with it, filled with dreams. The noises of hurrying, -half-modernized Shanghai reached me but vaguely, deep within my cool, -quiet house where the floors were spread with white matting and the -walls were hung with symbolic panels. The click of the ponies' feet on -the pavement, the thud of the rickshaw coolies' heels as they drew their -noiseless, rubber-tyred vehicles, the strident scream of the motor -horns, the strange, long cries of the street venders, all came to me -muffled as through many curtains that sheltered me from the world. But -my husband insisted that I should go about with him everywhere that he -felt we should go, that I should help him entertain, that I should meet -and mingle with many people, both foreign and Chinese. - -He was always ready to advise me on social matters, a more difficult -undertaking than might be supposed. I have already spoken of the many -gradations in the meeting of East and West. These alone are confusing -enough, and there are further complexities due to the fact that in the -two civilizations the fine points of etiquette are often entirely at -variance. A single example will suffice--the custom of serving a guest, -as soon as seated, with some form of refreshment. In the very -conservative Chinese household, if the visitor even touches the cup of -tea, placed beside him on a small table, he is guilty of a gross breach -of good manners. In the ultra-modern household, he must drink the iced -summer beverage or the piping hot winter drink, to avoid giving offence. -Then there are the variously modified establishments, where he attempts -an exact degree of compromise, whether acknowledging the offering -merely by a gracious bow, or going further by raising it to the lips for -a dainty sip, or being still more liberal and consuming one-half the -proffered amount. That such situations are often baffling, even to Young -China, I have heard it laughingly confessed in many lively discussions. -But, though occasional errors are inevitable, sincere good-will is truly -valued and seldom misunderstood. Chan-King's ability to consider all -points of view at once was very helpful to me. - -But he forgot to warn me that in Shanghai social calling is proper at -any hour of the day from nine o'clock in the morning until ten o'clock -at night. I was therefore three days in learning, during a short absence -of his, that early morning and late evening calling was an institution, -and not an accidental occurrence, as I at first supposed. Finally, Ah -Ching gave me a hint. I was in _neglige_, preparing for a morning of -lazy play with Wilfred and hoping there would be no interruptions, when -Ah Ching appeared and announced callers. My face must have expressed -surprise and a shade of annoyance, as it had for three days previously -at these summonses, for Ah Ching hesitated a moment and then vouchsafed -what he plainly considered a valuable piece of information. "In -Shanghai," said Ah Ching, "he all time go to see--all time come to see." -He paused. "_All_ time!" he added firmly and departed. I found this to -be literally true and I therefore formed my habits of dress on the -assumption that callers demanding the utmost formality of behaviour and -appearance might be announced at any moment. - -Needless to say, Ah Ching's "he" was pidgin-English for "she," for my -personal visitors were all women. They were of many -nationalities--Chinese of course, and also American, Canadian, English, -Scotch and French. With the Chinese women, especially, I found myself in -perfect harmony. Nowhere, I believe, do sincerity and good-will meet -with a warmer response. They accepted me with a cordiality that was very -real and rendered invaluable assistance in my initiation into the new -life. They took me calling, shopping and marketing until Shanghai ceased -to be a bewildering maze of crowded thoroughfares; they helped me to -understand the complexities of Chinese currency; they explained the -intricate points of fashion in dress and recommended skilful tailors. - -From the first we were deeply interested in the meeting and blending of -East and West that went on about us everywhere, in every field of -endeavour. We found unique opportunity for fresh impressions in the -Second Far Eastern Olympics held at Shanghai that spring. In the -presence of many thousand spectators, China, the Philippines and Japan -strove for supremacy in athletic prowess. The affair was managed -entirely by Chinese, and during most of the contests my husband was busy -on the grounds in an official capacity. I sat in the grandstand with -Chinese women friends, some of whom were returned students, and the -rousing cheers, the whole-hearted enthusiasm, brought to us vivid -memories of college days in America. The evenings were filled with -receptions and garden parties in honour of the visitors. Of course our -pleasure in the whole affair was immeasurably heightened by China's -well-earned triumph. - -As the months passed, Chan-King's high-hearted enthusiasm, his dauntless -will to carry through great work in the education of Young China, -flagged to some degree, from terrible disillusionment. - -This is the problem all returned students have sooner or later to face -and conquer. They come home brimming with hope and filled with -aspirations towards their country's betterment. And gradually they are -forced to acknowledge one enormous fact--that China has been her -glorious, grim old self for too many centuries, her feet are sunk too -deeply in the earth of her ancient traditions, to be uprooted by one -generation of youth--or two or three or a hundred. - -Chan-King chafed and worried and worked too hard. Strangely enough, he -grew home-sick for America, though I did not. - -"America strides like a young boy, and China creeps like an old woman!" -he said bitterly one day after attending a meeting of the college board, -where his modern ideas of education had suffered a defeat at the hand of -the reactionary body. - -"But China is a wise, wise old woman!" I replied gently. - -And very often during this time I would uphold the traditions of the -East while Chan-King championed the ways of the Western world. - -My husband underwent disappointments, irritations and trials that would -have been unendurable in a less securely poised nature. As it was, he -suffered so in the great things that he had but little patience for the -small ones, and I often found him sudden of temper, with a quick -asperity of tone and finality of judgment that showed me clearly how -great a strain he was under. - -But with us there was always love. And Chan-King was very careful to -make me understand, even in the midst of small disappointments and -vexations, that these things were the universal human annoyances that -had nothing to do with regrets or a sense of alienation. I broke into -tears one day when a sharp little scene occurred over nothing at all. -"Oh, Margaret, my dearest!" he said, taking me in his arms, "these -moods mean nothing between us, when we love each other so! Don't take -them seriously! What could destroy our happiness now?" In spite of the -world-wide difference in our race and upbringing, whatever difficulties -of temperamental adaptation we had to meet were merely such as must be -faced by any husband and wife in any land. - -Yet Chan-King's personal fascination for me, his never-failing appeal to -my imagination, were definitely founded on the Oriental quality in him. -I found throughout the years, in every phase of our relation, a -constant, irresistible, always recurring thrill in the idea that we were -not of the same race or civilization. - -Once when I confessed this fact to him, he said, "Do you love me only -because I am Chinese?" - -"No--I think I should have loved you no matter what race you came of. -But how can I know?" - -"I like to feel that you love the essential _me_." - -"Yes, but the essential _you_ is Chinese." - -He thought a moment. "Chinese, yes, but a most respectable member of the -Dutch Reformed Church of America!" - -"I won't let that injure you in my eyes!" I assured him, laughing. I was -of the Anglican faith, and we often referred to the strange mixture of -nationalities in our creeds. - -My husband, in spite of his firm faith, was not of a deeply religious -mind, and of the two I was much more mystical in my beliefs. Love, -divine and human, had come to mean everything to me, in a literal and -spiritual sense. I believed, obscurely at first, but with increasing -surety and faith as time went on, that human love also was not of time -only, but of eternity as well. And, when I found that Chan-King did not -share this belief, I felt, for the only time in all my marriage, alien -to him, shut out by an impalpable veil from his profoundest inner life, -which I wished passionately to share in everything. The discovery came -hand in hand with our first shadow--only the shadow of a shadow, I might -call it, so vague, at the beginning, that we could not feel more than an -uneasiness. - -Chan-King fell ill, though not seriously, and he recovered quickly. But -on the up-curve of returning health he never quite regained the old -plane of physical well-being. Signs--oh, the very smallest of -signs--warned us of a grave, slow breaking down of his system under -phthisis. We could not quite believe it. - -His physician advised him to ease the strain of work as much as he -could. We talked together in the early hours of many nights, Chan-King -always insisting that his depression was the result of temporary -fatigue, sure to pass away with a few weeks' repose in the open air of -the hills. - -It was during this time that I spoke to him of the everlastingness of -love and my faith in a life farther on. "Where could death take one of -us that the other could not follow?" I asked him, in strange triumph. - -His eyes held mine a long minute. His face was very sad. "I am not sure -of that. I have no idea of what we shall be to one another in another -life. I am only sure that we are all things to each other now." - -An inexpressible sense of fear took hold of me. Chan-King seemed at once -terribly alien and removed; I could not speak, for I had the feeling of -calling in a strange language across a great chasm. I said nothing for -fear of distressing him, but he must have sensed my disquietude, for he -took my hands and held them to his face and let his eyes shine upon me. -"Don't look like that," he said. "We have much time yet to think of -eternity." But from the day of this illness the shadow was never once -removed from me. - -Now we were lured by the residential charms of the French Concession, -with its broad, tree-lined avenues and fresh, windswept spaces. So we -took a new house in a terrace fronting on Avenue Joffre. We liked our -large rooms, each with its tiled fireplace, its polished floors laid -with Tientsin rugs, its electric lights. There was a grassy lawn with -Chinese orchids and a border of palms and magnolias, and just around the -corner from us was a public garden where, to Wilfred's delight, dozens -of children played each day under the care of their respective _amahs_. -Our staff of servants was now increased to five by the addition of a -rickshaw coolie and a second _amah_. - -Chan-King received shortly after this a letter from his father, the -first communication he had had from his family since our marriage. It -contained an invitation to return home for a visit, since his mother -wished very deeply to see him again. - -"I can interpret this in only one way, Margaret," he said in a puzzled -tone. "It is an offer of reconciliation. That means that they do not -know you are with me." - -"Go and see for yourself what it is," I told him. For I would have -consented, for his sake, to a reconciliation on almost any terms. I had -seen enough of Chinese family life to understand the powerful bonds of -affection and interest that bind the clan together, and I felt in my own -heart the cruelty of breaking those between mother and son and brother -and brother. - -"I want to tell them about you," Chan-King answered. "This is my -opportunity." - -Before accepting their invitation, Chan-King wrote and told them that -his wife was with him. And their replies to this proved him right in his -first surmise. His family knew he had returned to China and, having -heard nothing further of his marriage, had supposed that it was all -over. This was not exactly a surprising conclusion for them to reach. -More than one foreign woman has refused to accompany her Chinese husband -home. I myself came in contact with an occasional half-household, in -which a Chinese was held in China by his business affairs while his wife -waited for him on the other side of the world. Sometimes, too, she did -not wait, and the marriage ended in the conventional way--that is, in -the divorce court. Chan-King's people imagined that something of the -sort had occurred to him, and were quite ready to wipe out old scores -and resume the ties of relationship. - -After having written the initial letter of reconciliation, they held to -their attitude in a thoroughbred way, only amending their welcome a -trifle by requesting him to visit them alone. Very tactfully and gently -they put it like this: his father was growing old and any sudden change -disturbed him; the household had lately been added to by marriage and -births, and he would find everything very much more comfortable if he -should come alone. - -He went, firmly resolved to change the mind of his family toward me. And -I, too, was anxious for them to know that a foreign marriage had not -harmed Chan-King. During the six weeks of his absence his letters were -cheerfully non-committal, though he spoke of his happiness in being in -his mother's house again. I thought a great deal about that house, the -intricate lives of the people in it and their many degrees of kinship -and authority. Chan-King had told me enough to give me a fairly clear -picture of them. I had always admired their ability to sustain difficult -relations under the same roof with the utmost good temper and mutual -courtesy. - -Yet I was Western enough to feel that Chan-King and I knew each other -better and had been more free to learn each other thoroughly, alone in -our own household, which was growing into quite a Chinese fashion. I -expected my second child and looked forward, with much hope, to the new -life, for I had always been deeply maternal and wanted several children. -But to Chan-King and me our love for each other was the greatly -important thing in life--the reason for all the rest of our existence. -We accepted the fact of birth as naturally as we did the change of -seasons. Children were an essential to our happiness, but not the -dominant essential. We ordered our home for ourselves, as two lovers who -had elected to pass their life together. - -Chan-King expressed our views thus: "The Chinese idea is that the family -is the end, the children the means of keeping it up. In the West, the -children are the end, and the home merely the means of keeping them up. -You and I have it perfectly adjusted, I think--the home is for all of -us, and all of us have proper places in it." - -Chan-King returned early one morning, and I knew, from my first glimpse -of his face, that his visit had been a fruitful one. I flew to his arms, -and, as he kissed me, I saw that his eyes were serene and contented. - -"How is your august mother, my lord?" I asked him with a bow. - -"My mother is in good health and wishes to meet her daughter-in-law," -he answered, and, in spite of the bantering tone, I knew he was in -earnest. - -I wanted to know how this change of feeling had come about. - -"When I told them of you," said Chan-King, "my mother was visibly -amazed. 'I did not understand!' she kept repeating. 'I did not -understand!' And before I left, she said to me, 'If she is all you tell -me she is, why do you not bring her here?' I didn't mention the fact -that this was our first invitation, Margaret! Should you like to go, my -dearest?" - -I hesitated a moment. "Yes, but not yet," I answered. - -"We will not go for a while," Chan-King assured me. - -We talked a great deal about my husband's visit, and I gained new light -on the actual facts of his estrangement from his family and the enormous -significance that his marriage assumed in the minds of his Chinese -relatives. - -I can hardly exaggerate the importance of the position held by the -eldest son in the higher class Chinese household. After his father, he -is the male head of the family. His wife is the attendant shadow, the -never-failing companion of his mother. Our phrase, "A man marries," is -expressed in Chinese as "He leads in a new woman." Under the old regime -he literally did so, for he invariably brought his bride to his -ancestral home. The phrase for the marriage of a girl is, "She goes -forth from the family." "A new woman" is the term for a bride. The -Western education of many young men of the Chinese upper class has -resulted in some acute readjustment in the ancestral households. Often -these elder sons return, marry according to the old custom and live in -their parental homes. But often, too, they marry advanced Chinese women, -set up establishments and professions of their own, far from their -native cities, and live after semi-foreign ways. - -In this respect, our case was somewhat typical. As I have already -related, Chan-King's mother had been looking forward for years to the -marriage of her eldest son with the little Miss Li-Ying. She had -expected in her middle age the usual release of the Chinese woman from -the bonds of youth. Having been a faithful and obedient wife and -daughter-in-law, she rightfully expected to assume authority over her -family, leaning on the arm of her son's wife. This younger woman would -take her place in the long chain of dutiful daughters; she would help to -welcome guests; she would keep up the family shrines; she would perform -all manner of household duties under the supervision of her -mother-in-law. On the death of her husband's mother, she would become -the woman head of the family, responsible for everything, her -privileges and authority growing with her years, especially if she were -the mother of sons. Her great mission would be to furnish children to -the clan, in order that the ancestral shrines might never be without -worshippers. I explain these matters at this point in order that I may -not be mistaken for a moment when I tell the incident that follows. By -this time, I had lived long enough in China to be almost thoroughly -orientalized, in so far as my sympathies were concerned at least, and -yet, when Chan-King, after talking for a while about the events of his -visit home, came to a full pause and said uncertainly, "There is one -thing I wish to tell you, but I am not sure you will understand," I was -a trifle apprehensive. - -But I answered at once: "Of course I shall understand. China has been -kind to me. What have I to fear?" - -Chan-King then went on deliberately: "Not until I saw my mother again -did I understand that I had done a really cruel thing to her, in -depriving her of a daughter-in-law on whom she could lean in her old -age. Oh, Margaret, woman's lot is not easy, with all the complexities of -parents and brothers and children! And I would have atoned for my share -in all this if I could--but of course there was nothing I could do, -nothing at all." - -And very calmly he told me that shortly after his arrival at home his -mother had conferred with him seriously on her need of a -daughter-in-law. In accordance with ancient customs she wished him to -take a Chinese secondary wife, who would live in the family home, who -would be, in a fashion, proxy for me in the role of daughter-in-law. -Chan-King's mother offered to arrange this marriage for him and assured -him that the secondary wife and her children would be well cared for and -treated kindly during his long absences. - -I listened incredulously, and the question I could not ask was in my -eyes. I knew, of course, that the custom of taking secondary wives was -not unusual among wealthy families in China, even where both wives lived -under the same roof. But I had given it only the most casual thought. -And not once had it occurred to me that the problem would touch my life. -Brought suddenly level with it, I suffered a shock at the very -foundation of my nature. I could not think, of course, in the moment -that followed my husband's recital. I only felt a great roaring tide of -pain rising about me, a sense of complete helplessness, such as I have -never known before or since. I wonder now at my instant subjective -readiness to believe that my husband had conformed to this custom of his -country; that he had shaken off his Western training at his first -renewed contact with the traditional habits of his race. - -"Did--you----?" I asked finally, and stopped. - -He came to me instantly, his arms about me. When he saw the distress in -my face, he frowned, with an odd, remorseful twist of the brows. - -"I wonder that you ask," he said. "How could I come back to you--and to -your loyalty and trust--with the shadow of that deception between us? I -made it very clear to my mother that I would never have any wife but -you. It's you and I together, dear one, and no one else so long as we -both shall live." - -And his words had the solemn sound of a vow renewed. This high honesty -of Chan-King's with me was a rock on which I founded my faith. And his -final repudiation of an accepted form among his people represented a -genuine sacrifice on his part, so far as his material welfare was -concerned. As generously and unhesitatingly as he had made the first -one, at our marriage, he laid the second votive offering on the altar -of our love. He had, you see, according to the view of his father and -mother, hopelessly injured them in his marriage. Above all, he had -denied in himself the great racial instinct of the Chinese to obey his -parents. If he wished to please them, here was his last opportunity. The -taking of a Chinese secondary wife would have been a complete atonement -in their eyes. At the same time it would have meant his instant -restoration to his rightful place among them--first in their affections -and inheritance. The family assistance would have placed him at once in -the position towards which, without it, he would probably have to -struggle for years. - -And later I understood how very easily he might have complied without my -needing ever to know of the fact. Indeed, I could have lived in his -mother's house with a second wife and never have suspected that she was -there in that position, so securely welded and impassive is the clan -sense, the reserve and remoteness of the personal relation when the -family peace and dignity are to be considered. - -Some of these matters I had been aware of since my life in China began, -some of them I learned that day in talking with Chan-King, and others, -as I have said, I discovered gradually afterwards. But from that day, -certainly, our relation subtly shifted and settled and crystallized. We -both became for ever certain that we could not fail each other in any -smallest thing. Into my heart came a warmth of repose, like a steadily -burning lamp. We were assured of our love beyond any possibility of -doubt, ever again. And for a time we experienced a renascence of -youthful happiness, a fine fervour of renewed hopes and ambitions, as -though spring had come again miraculously, when we had expected October. - -The family letters came now regularly to Chan-King, with always a -kindly message for me. Evidently relations were to be resumed on the -plane of a good friendship, nothing more. But that was so much more than -we had dared to hope for that we were perfectly happy to have it so. - -Chan-King must have mentioned his slowly failing health, for his mother -sent a worried letter to him and asked him to come home for a while once -more. Chan-King decided that his affairs would not warrant his absence -and wrote to her to that effect. - -One morning as I sat in the sun-porch, sewing, Ah Ching appeared -suddenly before me. - -"Master's mother, he downstairs," he announced calmly. - -I gazed at him without understanding. - -"What do you say?" - -Ah Ching came nearer. He held up one hand and counted his words off on -his fingers slowly. "Missee-sabe-master-have-got-one mother?" he -inquired patiently. - -"Yes, yes!" - -"Well, he just now have come. He downstairs!" - -I got to my feet. I was more frightened and nervous than I had ever -been. I remembered to be grateful. I was wearing complete Chinese -dress--a black skirt and blue velvet jacket. This fact assumed an -amusing importance in my mind as I stood there, struggling to get myself -in hand. I had planned this meeting a thousand times, and now that it -was fairly upon me I was totally without resource. I progressed -downstairs confusedly, running a few swift steps and then stopping short -and beginning again slowly. If Chan-King had been there, I should have -fled to him and left the entire situation in his hands; but I was alone -and certain of one thing only--I meant to win the love of my Chinese -mother if I could. Subjectively, all the tales I had heard of Chinese -mothers-in-law must have impressed me more than I had admitted, for I -remembered something Chan-King had told me long before: "I cannot -describe to you the importance of the mother in the Chinese household. -She is a complete autocrat, with almost final authority over her sons, -daughters-in-law, servants, relatives, everybody except her husband, who -is usually absent on his business. Her old age is a complete reversal of -the restraint and discipline of her youth." - -I stopped short at the door of the drawing-room. I saw my husband's -mother for the first time. She had become to me a personality of almost -legendary grandeur, and I felt a little wave of surprise go over me that -she looked somehow so real and alive and genuine. She sat in a big, -tall-backed chair, her hands spread flat on her knees. Her face was the -face of the young mother in the photograph Chan-King had shown me, only -grown older and a trifle more severe. She was dressed in black brocade, -its stiff folds and precise creases accentuating her dignity. Under the -edges of her skirt glimmered her tiny grey shoes, embroidered in red and -green. At her side stood the male relative who had accompanied her--a -Chinese gentleman of the old school, in a long gown of dark silk. Behind -her chair stood a maid and two menservants. - -I knew that she spoke no English, and as yet I had no knowledge of her -southern dialect. There was a sharp pause in the dead-silent room while -we regarded each other. - - - - -III - -FIRST DAUGHTER-IN-LAW - - -I clasped my hands in the Chinese way, smiled and bowed. My Chinese -mother rose at once and took a step towards me, balancing on her tiny -feet with the aid of a thick, gold-headed cane. I saw that she was -unusually tall. Then, surprisingly, she extended her hand, American -fashion, and I shook it, the eyes of each of us still searching the -other's face. I saw in hers the look I needed for reassurance--the -mingled kindness and apprehension--a trace of the anxiety that I am sure -was the very counterpart of my own expression. I knew then that her -heart was no more certain than mine was, and that this meeting was as -important to her as it was to me. - -Ah Ching brought forward my chair and we sat down together, smiling at -each other, letting our gestures speak for us. Finally she stretched -forth her right hand, palm down, measuring the height of a small child -from the floor, inclining her head towards me, her eyebrows up in a -question. I made a pillow of my two hands, laid my head upon it, eyes -closed, and then pointed up. We were both delighted at this simple -pantomime. The elderly man--her cousin--looked pleased in sympathy and -even the three solemn servants smiled a little. She asked me in gestures -where my husband was. I waved widely and comprehensively towards the -street, in the general direction of the city. She nodded, settling back -a trifle, drawing a long breath. We had reached the end of our power to -converse without the aid of an interpreter. - -When I heard Chan-King's ring at the gate, I hurried out to meet him -with the news. He was even more excited than I was and hastened ahead -of me to the house. I walked very slowly in order that they might have -their first greeting undisturbed, and, when I arrived, they were beaming -upon each other and talking the South Province dialect over a very -sleepy and cherubic infant, whom Chan-King, with paternal pride, had -ordered down to greet his grandmother at once. - -The retinue settled, Chan-King informed me that our mother would remain -with us for six weeks. During this time, I learned the art of pantomime -beyond anything I had ever hoped for in one of my undemonstrative -nature. My Chinese mother and I conversed with eyebrows, hands, smiles, -noddings and shakings of the head, much turning of the eyes. I had an -instant affection and admiration for her, and she adopted towards me a -gently confidential attitude that pleased me very much. - -She had brought presents for us, in the Chinese way: for me, a -delicately wrought chain of Chinese gold in a box of carved sandalwood; -for Wilfred, a dozen suits of Chinese clothes in the bright patterns -worn by children of the Orient, and so becoming to the proud, wee man -that, arrayed in them, he seemed already to be coming into his heritage. -She also brought great hampers of fresh fruits--pomeloes, lichees and -dragon's-eyes--and countless jars of preserved fish and meats and -vegetables, which had been Chan-King's favourites when he was a boy at -home. - -Madame Liang had the Chinese woman's love for shopping. Accompanied by -her cousin and the servants, we went from silk merchant to porcelain -dealer, and from brass worker to rug weaver, gathering treasures. Though -she carried on most of her negotiations through her cousin, she -bargained with a firmness and a sense of values that I admired very -much. In the silk shops she bought marvellous brocaded satins and -embroidered silks and she made me select the pattern I wanted for -myself. Though she preserved most carefully the distinctive features of -the dress of her own province, she was much interested in Shanghai -styles and examined my wardrobe critically, noting the short sleeves -with tight-fitting undersleeves and the skirts with seven plaits--not -five, as in Canton, for example--at each side. - -Notwithstanding the popular Western fancy that fashions never change in -China, the Chinese woman is painstakingly particular as to the exact -length and fullness--or scantiness--of her coats, skirts and trousers. -She is carefully precise about the width of bias bands or braid or lace -that she uses for trimming, the number and arrangement of fastenings, -the shape and height of her collar. All of these details vary as -tyrannically from season to season--under Shanghai guidance--as certain -style features do with us under the leadership of New York or Paris. -Moreover, as against our four seasons, the fashion devotee of China -takes account of eight, each with its appropriate style and weight of -clothing. - -At home Mother sewed a great deal, using her hands gracefully and very -competently in spite of the long curved fingernails on her left hand. My -American sewing-machine fascinated her. She had an excellent hand-power -machine at home, Chan-King explained, but mine worked with a treadle and -she wished to try it. I took the tiny, brightly shod feet in my hands -and set one forward and one backward on the iron trellis. And she moved -them very well, alternately, and ran several seams with energy. - -Chan-King, his mother and I went to Chinese cafes together and Madame -Liang was pleased and amused to see that I not only used chopsticks with -ease but had a real taste for Chinese food. We used to treat ourselves -to all sorts of epicurean dishes: spiced chicken and duck, sharks' -fins, bird's-nest soup with pigeon eggs (my favourite delicacy), seaweed -and bamboo shoots, candied persimmons, lotus-seeds and millet pudding -with almond tea. - -Once, in a roof-garden cafe, where I was wearing American clothes, my -use of chopsticks aroused considerable interest among neighbouring -groups of diners, and stray comments reached us, for the Chinese are -always pleased to see foreigners familiar with their customs. "No doubt -she is a missionary lady," a young woman remarked in my husband's native -dialect. Hearing and understanding, Mother immediately said, in clear, -gracious tones, "My son, perhaps your wife would like to have some -American food now." Chan-King translated for me both comment and -suggestion, and I felt pleased to learn that, at any rate, my Chinese -mother was not ashamed, in a public place, to acknowledge her American -daughter. - -Mother was fond of the drama and, since Shanghai had some excellent -theatres, we made up several parties during her stay. - -The great semicircular stage on which a famous old historical play that -we saw was acted was hung with gorgeous embroideries, laid with a thick -Peking rug of immense size and brilliantly lighted by electricity--as -was the entire theatre. The actors wore the magnificent official and -military robes of an early dynasty. As on the Elizabethan stage, women's -parts were taken by men, who achieved by cleverly constructed shoes the -effect of bound feet. I found the deafening drums and gongs a little -trying, at moments, and the crude property makeshifts somewhat -incongruous with the wonderfully elaborate hangings and costumes. But, -being familiar with the story, I understood the action and so evidently -enjoyed it that Mother was surprised anew, as Chan-King afterwards told -me. We sat in our balcony box, above the vague tiers of lower seats -packed with a restless audience of men, women and many children in the -arms of their _amahs_. On the wide front rail of our box was the -inevitable pot of tea, with room also for such fruits, sugar-cane, -melon-seeds, or meat-and-rice dishes as we wished to purchase from the -endless variety offered by eager boys in round caps and blue cotton -gowns. Now and then an attendant came with a huge teakettle to refill -our teapot, and once he offered us the usual steaming hot towels for -sticky fingers. Chan-King waved these away energetically. "Awful -custom," he said to me. "Unhygienic. How can they do it?" And he added -something of the kind to his mother in Chinese. She regarded him with -comprehension, a tiny gleam of superior wisdom in her eyes. But she made -no reply. - -She had taken a fancy to Wilfred, who by this time had a fair vocabulary -of Chinese, which he always used in talking to his _amah_. He was a -handsome child, typically Chinese, very charming in his manner, very -fond of his _amah_ and his indulgent grandmother. Madame Liang would -take his chin in her hands and study his features intently, nodding her -head with approval. Then she would stroke his round black poll and give -him melon-seeds or almonds from her pocket. Wilfred used a weird mixture -of dialects--a confusion of Mandarin and the Shanghai vernacular, with a -dash of Cantonese from his _amah_. Madame Liang set out patiently to -teach him her own dialect as well. - -When her visit was ended, our mother said to Chan-King, "This is a -Chinese house, with a Chinese wife in it. Everything is Chinese. I could -never have believed it without seeing, for I thought your wife was a -Western woman. I am happy." And she told him again that we must come and -visit her, for she needed us. - -Chan-King's father, a member of an old, established firm in the import -and export trade in the Philippines, was away, looking after his -business or exchanging visits with friends of his own age and rank. His -home-comings were in the nature of a vacation. The management of the -household depended on Madame Liang. - -As she talked, I realized by her face, by Chan-King's answers, by all -that I knew of Chinese family life, that we were a part of that clan and -should be so always. A hint of the solidarity I now feel with my -husband's family came to me. We were not separate from them; nor should -we be. - -After our mother was gone, Chan-King said something of this sort to me, -quoting what she had said about my not being Western. "But I love you to -be Western in this sense," he told me, "that you and I have -companionship and freedom and equality in our love. That is what makes -me happiest." - -Before Chan-King and I closed the house in Shanghai to depart for the -southern hills, our second son, Alfred, was born. An American woman -asked me, when he was about six weeks old, if I did not feel a sense of -alienation at the sight of the wee, Oriental face at my breast. Quite -simply and truthfully I answered no. My husband was not in any way alien -to me. How, then, could our child be so? - -His coming provided me with a welcome excuse to remain at home quietly -for a short while. I now attempted to learn, at the same time, both -Mandarin and the dialect of Chan-King's province--a method of study that -hampered me constantly at first. But my husband was an encouraging -teacher, and I began uncertainly to use my new knowledge, trying it -mostly on my young son Wilfred, who was the real linguist of the family. -He took my Chinese very seriously. I cannot say so much for Chan-King, -who was greatly amused at my inflection. - -Towards the close of the year, I decided to take a place as teacher of -English and history in a Chinese girls' high school. Chan-King was -surprised when I told him that I wished to teach, but he offered no -objection, and watched with interest my progress through the year. I -loved my teaching. Still more I loved the girls in my classes. -Collectively and individually I found them supremely worth while in -spirit and mind. I cannot say how lovely the young womanhood of China -seemed to me. I began to yearn for a daughter, and when, towards the -close of the second term, I found that I might, perhaps, have my heart's -desire, I realized that my husband shared it. - -In the early autumn, our mother wrote and asked us to come south for the -cold season. She also expressed the hope that the coming grandchild -might be born in her own province. Chan-King had been encouragingly -strong for over a year, but he had always found the northern winters -hard. We decided that the time had come to fulfil our promise of -visiting the ancestral home. Chan-King secured six months' leave of -absence. - -Within ten days we had closed our affairs temporarily, dismissed the -servants, with the exception of the _amah_ and the faithful Ah Ching, -got our boxes together and bidden our friends farewell. The leaves were -falling in the avenue; the plants were shrivelled at the edges in the -sun porch; the winds blew ominously shrill under the eaves. Chan-King -grew pale and began to cough again. Out of the teeth of the terrible -Shanghai winter we fled into the hospitable softness of the South. - -By a large steamship we started out on what was ordinarily a brief -journey. But, by those war-time schedules, changes and delays were the -invariable rule. After three unforeseen changes and as many delays we -reached a port just over the line in my husband's province. There we -stopped, intending to go on three days later by the little, battered, -tramp steamer that puffed noisily at the dock, putting off dried fruits -and dyes, taking on rice and cloth and sandalwood. But we did not go on, -as it happened. Instead, a tiny, smiling, competent woman physician, -wearing the southern costume and possessed of a curious fund of -practical wisdom in medical matters, attended me in her native hospital -at the birth of our daughter Alicia. - -On a vaguely grey, gently stimulating winter morning, ten days later, -our bouncing little ship--for I had cajoled Chan-King into allowing me -to travel--stood to, out from port, and sampans came to meet us. Like -giant fish, bobbing and dipping and swaying upon the waves, these -sampans with their great eyes painted on each side of the prow and their -curious, up-curved sterns, came towards us in a gala-fleet, rowed by -lean, over-muscled men in faded blue cotton garments. I was very gay and -much exhilarated by the soft sunshine that broke through the mist as I -climbed down with Chan-King's help into one of these boats. - -The harbour was busy with small craft--flat-bottomed gigs or -baggage-boats besides the junks, whose square brown sails swung creaking -in the wind. Two Chinese men-of-war rose over us, their vast, bulky -sides painted battle-ship grey. - -Out and beyond, an island not more than a mile long turned its irregular -profile towards us, a long mass of huge grey boulders jutting abruptly -from a sparkling sea. As we were being rowed in to the mainland, we were -near enough to the island to see quite plainly the tile-roofed houses -surrounded by arched verandas, repeated again and again in long, -undulating lines that gave a pleasantly lacy effect. The island was -shaded with trees in winter foliage, not the brilliant green of summer, -but the sage-green and pale tan of November. Through this intermittent -curtain the walls of the houses shone in dull blue and coral pink and -clear grey. Jagged cacti shot up among the bulbous rocks and everywhere -the scarlet poinsettia set the hills aglow with patches of brilliant -colour. I loved this island instantly. I said to Chan-King, "This is our -Island of the Blest, where we shall live when we are old." - -At the jetty, Ah Ching went up to hail sedan-chair bearers, and soon I -was borne rapidly along a few yards ahead of my husband's chair. - -I was filled with a delicious elation at being in Chan-King's province, -so near to the very village that he knew as a little boy. With enormous -curiosity, I peeped through the curtain-flaps, which were transparent -from within. We were passing through the town that lay along the water's -edge--a bright, open little place, where the small houses, with curved -tiled roofs, hugged the ground. We went through the crooked streets, -which were really nothing more than broad paths, at a steady pace. We -left the ragged edges of the town and began to ascend the hills. I -raised my curtains a trifle and ventured to look out freely. Emotion -surged up in me. I wished to cry for joy in this home-coming, for it was -our real home-coming together, and I felt a secret share in all the life -my husband had known here. - -Up the narrow, twisting path we wound, toward the hills, which were -covered with a smoky, amber mist. Scattered closely along the upward -road, apart from the dwellings, were small terraces enclosing plots of -cultivated ground, filled with growing things. Wherever the folk could -find a lush, flat place on the stony hills, robbed by deforestation of -all but grass, they had planted their vegetables. These little patches -of colour, coaxed by thrifty gardeners out of the soil washed into the -hill-pockets, added a festive, humorous note to the winter landscape, -otherwise so brown and sear. I thought frivolously of a solemn giant -wearing his party nosegays. The hills billowed away immensely, until -they were silhouettes against the dull orange and ashy purple of the -morning sun struggling through the clouds. Solid, steeply curved, narrow -bridges of stone made us a path over the frequent streams that rushed -downward to the valley. - -Here we came full upon the ancestral village of my husband's family. It -lay, compact and many-roofed, upon the side of a hill, as intricately -woven and inevitable-looking as a colony of birds' nests, as naturally a -part of the earth as though it had sprung from planted seeds. Rows of -walls ran along the main thoroughfare. There were few people astir yet -and the doors were closed in all the low-eaved plaster and stone houses. - -Our chairs were set down before a tall, hooded gate in a wall of -stone-grey. Ah Ching knocked. The gates were opened, and servants came -hurrying out, accompanied by three leaping black Chow-dogs, which barked -in frantic challenge till Chan-King spoke to them and changed their -menace into joyous welcome. - -We entered a spacious courtyard and crossed an exquisite garden, one of -the most beautiful I saw in China. An artificial lake rippled placidly, -disturbed only by the darting goldfish. Laurel- and magnolia-trees -darkened the paths. A thicket of bamboo wavered and cast its reflection -in the water at the edge of the lake. - -Chan-King helped me from the chair and together we passed into the main -hall through the wide-flung doors. Madame Liang, early apprised of our -arrival, was standing there, and my first sight of her gave me a renewed -sense of home-coming. I was dimly aware of a large hall, at the back of -which stood a high altar, with wreaths of sweet-smelling smoke rising in -straight columns before lettered tablets and brilliant images under -glass cases. The glitter of golden and scarlet embroideries against the -wall splintered the dimness with rays of light like sunshine through a -prism. Heavily carved blackwood chairs with tea-tables and also -marble-topped stools with gay, brocaded cushions were ranged about the -room. - -We passed through this main hall into the apartment of Madame Liang, -where I was given a chair, and I sat down, suddenly remembering that I -was very tired. - -Other members of the family, distant relatives and first cousins, and -guests, all women, came in and I was presented to them. Madame -Springtime, wife of the second son, did first honours for the family. -She was so very youthful--only seventeen--and so wistfully other-worldly -that among those mature housewives, clever and practical managers of -their households and husbands' estates, she seemed like a branch of -peach-bloom. In festal garb of jade-green and lavender, embroidered -shoes on her tiny feet and an embroidered head-dress crowning her -shining black hair and framing the oval of her shy, smiling face, with -its sloe-black eyes, she came bearing a lacquered tray and presenting to -each of us sweet tea, in cups of finest porcelain with standards and -covers of silver and with tiny silver spoons having flower-shaped bowls. - -The pretty little tea ceremony was then repeated by various members of -the family, while the small sons were given hot milk and cakes. An eager -group gathered about the tiny new daughter, still sleeping peacefully. - -A bubbling, busy little lady, about the age of Madame Liang, leaned over -me, with a quizzical smile, and bobbed her gay, pretty head emphatically -at me when my mother introduced her as Madame Chau. Elaborately dressed -in rich colours, in direct contrast to my soberly garbed mother, she was -as merry as Madame Liang was grave and she tripped about on her almost -invisible "golden lily" feet with an energy that yet did not destroy the -grace of her "willow walk." - -But the many-coloured costumes, the great curtained bed on one side, the -voices--all suddenly seemed far away. And, as I wavered, smiling -determinedly, I heard my husband's voice. "Mother thinks you are tired; -so this woman will show you to your room, where you must lie down and -rest." - -Some time later, as I lay resting--with Alicia sleeping on my arm--on -the bed, which had purple curtains and soft white blankets, Chan-King -stepped quietly into the room. - -"Feel as comfortable as you look?" he asked and, when I nodded drowsily, -he touched a box of cakes. - -"These were brought to you by Madame Chau, the busy little lady out -there. You know"--he hesitated a moment--"she would have been my -mother-in-law, if I hadn't insisted on your mother instead!" and he gave -my cheek a gentle pinch. - -I was now wide-awake. "The little bird-lady out there--mother of -Li-Ying?" I asked. "Where is Li-Ying, then?" - -"They didn't tell me anything directly," Chan-King answered. "But I -gather from several pointed conversations carried on in my hearing that -Madame Chau has just returned from her daughter's house in Singapore. -Just imagine: little Li-Ying is married too, and also has three -children--two girls and a boy. I think," said my Chinese husband, with -charming complacence, putting a hand over mine and stooping to kiss -Alicia's pink, sleeping face, "our arrangement is much better. Sons -should be older; then daughters are properly appreciated!" - -At noon, after an hour's quiet sleep, I was again aroused by Chan-King, -who stood beside a maidservant with a tray. - -I sat up. "I expected to be out for luncheon," I said, preparing to -rise. - -Chan-King looked perturbed. "Stay where you are," he warned. "My mother -has just been scolding me for allowing you to travel with a ten-days-old -baby. 'As if I could do anything about it!' I told her, blaming it all -on Eve in the most approved Christian fashion! She admires your spirit, -but thinks that, for your health's sake, you should rest two weeks -longer at least!" - -I lay down meekly. "Very well," I said. "Obedience is my watchword!" - -And for the prescribed time I lay in my pretty room--all my senses -deeply responsive to the life going on in a Chinese household: the clang -of small gongs that summoned the servants; much laughter coming in -faintly or clearly as my doors were opened or shut; the tap of lily feet -along the passage; the glimmer of Madame Springtime's radiant pink or -blue robes as she entered to inquire after my welfare or bring some new -delicacy that had been procured for me; the smoke of incense from the -altar floating into the room at intervals, with a pungent sweetness that -roused vague memories and emotions. Everything in the house--hangings, -clothes, furnishings--was saturated with this aroma. Mingled with a -bitter smell, which is distilled by immense age, and touched with the -irritative quality of dust, this odour now means China to me and it is -more precious than all other perfumes in the world. - -"But, Chan-King, life is nothing but food!" I protested, about the third -day, when my fourth meal had been served to me early in the afternoon. - -"But the quantities are small," he answered. "Much better way, don't you -think, than taking great meals many hours apart?" - -Early in the morning, the young maid assigned to me would bring in a -bowl of hot milk and biscuit. In our apartment, at half-past eight, she -would serve breakfast, consisting of soft-boiled rice--congee--with -various kinds of salty, sweet and sour preparations. At eleven o'clock -there was turtle soup or chicken broth. At noon came tiffin, which -consisted of substantial meat and vegetable dishes, fish and soup, and -dry-boiled rice. Our mid-afternoon refreshment was noodles of wheat or -bean-flour, or perhaps a variety of fancy cakes. Tea, kept hot by a -basket-cosy, was always on hand in every room. At seven the family -dined, and, after the two weeks were up, I joined them, sitting at the -first table with Mother and my husband. Dinner was an elaborate meal, in -courses, with rice at the close. At bedtime came hot milk again, or -sweet congee or perhaps tea, brewed from lotus-seed or almonds. I was -continually nibbling. I thought Chinese food delicious, particularly in -my husband's province, noted for its delicious "crunchy" fried things. - -But Chan-King had yearnings for American dishes. I gave the head cook -minute instructions for preparing fricasseed chicken, fresh salads, -beefsteak with Spanish sauce--even American hot cakes, and he enjoyed -the American canned goods, with butter, cheese, jams and bread, which -were brought in frequently from the port. - -An episode that caused much merriment was Chan-King's initiation of his -family into the mystery--and history--of chop suey. The rich joke of -that "made-in-America" Chinese dish is penetrating to every household -where the returned student is found. In Shanghai we had heard with -amusement how the bewildered _chef_ of the Y.M.C.A. cafe had gone down -to one of the great trans-Pacific liners lying in port, to learn from -the head cook on board just what this "chop suey," which all his -returned student patrons were demanding, might be. Now, with memories of -old college club activities prompting us, and with a skilful cook to -carry out our directions, Chan-King and I introduced into the ancestral -home that most misunderstood dish in all the world. The family agreed -that, though vaguely familiar, it was unlike anything they had ever -tried before, and they decided without dissenting vote that it was -superior to fricasseed chicken, Spanish steak or hot cakes. - -At this time, my husband's brother, Lin-King, came home for a brief -stay. I decided from photographs that he resembled his father, who was -still away. Lin-King and Madame Springtime seemed well-suited to each -other and happy, although the marriage had been arranged by their -families and they had never seen each other before the ceremony. I -decided that the old custom had much merit, after all--for other -people--and said so to my husband, adding, "When our children are -grown, we must have them all marry Chinese." Chan-King looked at me long -in silence and then, sighing humorously, he asked, "What of their -father's example my dear?" - -Since my Chinese was still bookish and unpractised in the all-important -matters of tone and local idiom, I could not converse with the family, -and at the dinner-table and in my mother's apartment I was as silent and -meek and pleasant of manner as Madame Springtime herself. Madame -Springtime served formal tea to our many guests in absolute silence, -with a sweet, fixed smile at the corners of her red mouth. I watched her -with consuming interest, for she was acting as first daughter-in-law in -my stead. - -The machinery of life ran with the smoothness of long habit and complete -discipline. The meals were served, the apartments kept in exquisite -order and the children cared for by a corps of servants trained in -minutiae by an exacting mistress, who knew precisely what she wanted. Our -days were left free for the practice of small courtesies, the exchange -of pretty attentions and the care of the ancestral altar. - -From the ceremonies that took place before this altar at various times, -my husband kept himself, his wife and children sedulously aloof. It was -neither asked nor expected that he would do otherwise, just as our -attendance at the little mission church was accepted without question. -At other times, however, I had ample opportunity to study the altar and -to enjoy the beauty of its massive carvings, its elaborate -incense-burners and candlesticks, its exquisitely wrought embroideries. -A porcelain image of the Buddhistic Goddess of Mercy in her character of -Son-Giver, set within a large glass case, fascinated me by its -remarkable resemblance to certain Catholic images. But the ancestral -tablets interested me more, and the respect that I have always accorded -objects sacred to others was in this instance mingled with profoundly -personal feelings: the inter-blended characteristics of those men and -women so many years dead and gone lived on in the man who was my -husband; their life currents pulsed warmly in the veins of my children; -perhaps some deep insight gained beyond the grave enabled them to know -how truly I acknowledged my debt to them, how earnestly I hoped those -children might not prove unworthy of their heritage. - -With the help of Chan-King's coaching and my personal observations, I -soon learned the gracious routine of the house. At ten o'clock every -morning I presented myself at the door of Madame Liang's apartment and -sat with her for several hours, often over tiffin, even till tea-time, -if she signified a desire for my company. If the weather was fair, we -would walk in the garden, she leaning lightly on my arm, her cane -tapping on the flagstones. At times, also, tea was served here, with the -small children joining us for hot milk and sweet cakes. - -I was several days in getting the members of the household identified in -their proper relations, for there were thirty persons gathered in that -big, low-roofed, rambling compound behind the high, enveloping wall. -They were nearly all women, and two-thirds of them servants. The quiet, -soft-mannered woman relatives spent nearly all of their time in their -own apartments. Madame Liang's powerful personality, silent and -compelling, paled the colours of nearly all the temperaments around her. -Her friend, Madame Chau, was immensely comforting to her, for she could -not be persuaded to take anything very seriously. Madame Liang laughed -with her more than with anyone else. While they busily embroidered, they -gossiped, and I listened to their musical speech with its soft southern -accents and chiming, many-toned cadences. - -I used to think, as I sat in a deep-cushioned chair, nursing the small -Alicia, with a pot of tea at my elbow, that Madame Liang, in her -gorgeous, heavily carved, black-and-orange bed, enclosed on three sides -by panels of painted silk and draped over the front with silk curtains -held back by tasselled brocaded bands, was a link in the Chain of -Everlasting Things. She had come into the house exactly as "new women" -had done century after century, and she had lived out her life -unquestioningly according to their precepts and example. There was a -monumental, timeless dignity about her as she sewed and talked of simple -matters. In her presence, I felt young and facile and terribly -unanchored. - -I talked these things over with Chan-King in the dark of the night, when -all the household was silent. He was interested in my reactions, -knowing they were the outcome of a profound personal love for his family -and sympathy with everybody in it. Spiritually, Chan-King also was in -sympathy with his family. Practically--well, as I have said, there were -moments when he longed for American food, and his first deed in the -house was to order the bed curtains removed from our apartment. - -They were removed, and nothing was said. A wonderful spirit of courtesy -and toleration prevailed in the family life, with a complete absence of -that criss-cross of personal criticism that our Western freedom of -speech permits. Not that there were not undercurrents, intimate -antagonisms here and there, personal sacrifices and sorrows. But they -were not recognized, for in Chinese life individual claims are eternally -relinquished in the interest of clan peace and well-being. There was one -authority, and it was vested in Madame Liang. Such a system makes for -harmony and preserves the institution of the family, on which all China -is founded. - -Making no conscious effort, I myself yet became so imbued with this -spirit that, when the Government summons came for Chan-King to report in -Peking early in the new year, I choked down my anguish and said, "How -splendid for us all, Chan-King! When are you going?" - -We were in the last week of the old year, and at Madame Liang's earnest -entreaty my husband delayed his departure (as the summons permitted), -that, in the midst of his family, he might celebrate the most delightful -of all holidays. Delicious cooking odours now drifted about everywhere, -new clothes for every one were made ready, and faces took on a shining -happiness. - -One evening after a visit to his mother, Chan-King came to me, laughing -heartily. "Mother reminds me," he said, "that for three days it is -customary for the maids, when sweeping the floor, to pile the dust -carefully in a corner instead of throwing it out, lest the family good -fortune should be thrown out with it. But she says of course it is only -an old superstition and if you like you may tell the maid to remove the -sweepings as usual." I laughed too. Then I said, "Tell Mother we shall -do our part towards keeping good fortune in the family." "For three -days, also," continued Chan-King, "no harsh or scolding word is to be -spoken by anyone. And therefore," he went on sonorously, "your -tyrannical Chinese husband will cease to lecture his American wife--who -is certain to need it, though." I looked into his eyes, bright with -irrepressible gaiety, and suddenly I kissed them shut, my own eyes -misty. "Oh, my dearest," I whispered, "you are just a little boy at home -again, in spite of the silver threads." And I smoothed the black locks, -already sprinkled with grey. "Chan, I love the Chinese New Year!" I -said. - -Even now I see it all again. My husband was wearing a long, dignified -gown of dark green satin--unfigured, as is customary for officials--dark -green trousers, short brown jacket, lined with soft fur, black satin cap -and black boots. Wilfred was quite a young gentleman in long gown of -blue-green silk, braid-trimmed jacket of dark green, blue trousers and -red-tufted cap. Chubby Alfred was dressed in lavender jacket, scarlet -trousers, a tiger-face apron of red, white and black, embroidered shoes -and a gay little knitted cap. Alicia, whom the whole family loved best -in her frilled white American dresses, added now a pink silk jacket and -an adorable little pink and black cap, which gave an Oriental grace to -her features. I wore my latest Shanghai creation, in pale -lilac-and-black figured satin. Guests came and went incessantly, and we -made our calls in the village. The air was filled with odours of spice, -molasses, roasted meats, seed-cakes and millet candy and with sounds of -fire-crackers, gongs and happy voices. - -But it was over at last. The time for my husband's departure had come. - -With silent expertness, Ah Ching set about packing. In three days -Chan-King was ready to go. He was coaching me in the household phrases I -should need most in making myself understood without his help. Madame -Liang decided that, during my husband's absence, I should assume my -position as first daughter-in-law. I had no apprehension in regard to -the minute, exacting duties that would devolve upon me as a right-hand -companion to my husband's mother, for I loved her, but I was not sure of -my tact or my deftness, and I felt strung up painfully at the thought of -my immediate future. - -After the hourly companionship of months, parting from Chan-King was -very terrible indeed. He was in and out of our apartment, moving about -the house with restless energy, arranging final details. At last he came -and stood beside me. "Say good-bye now, dearest," he whispered. -"Afterwards--out there--we shall have no opportunity." He drew me close -and we kissed with deep feeling, the tears in my eyes refusing to be -suppressed any longer. - -"Don't cry," he begged, with unaccustomed emotion. "Don't cry, or I -can't leave you!" Then he held my face up and dried my tears with his -handkerchief and said solemnly, "Smile at me!" And I smiled. - -We went across to his mother's apartment, and she came out, the tears on -her cheeks not stanched. Joined by the rest of the family, we -accompanied him to the entrance and then to the gate, which stood open, -almost blocked by the waiting sedan-chair. Chan-King was in Chinese -dress, and as he stood there--profile towards me--among the group of -servants, giving his final directions, he seemed more Oriental, more -absorbed into his country, than I remembered ever to have seen him. - -He made a profound bow to his mother, with formal words of leave-taking, -and gave me a grave little nod. Then, without looking back, he stepped -into the chair, the curtains were drawn, and the coolies trotted off -down the steep path, followed a little way by the bounding black dogs. - -Mother and I stood together, after the others had gone, and watched his -chair jostling down the narrow, paved way. Then we turned and looked at -each other--rueful smiles on our mouths, tears in our eyes. We shook our -heads at each other. I half raised a hand to my heart, then let it fall. -I think both of us found our lack of mutual language a welcome excuse -for silence. - -Madame Liang turned toward the house. The gates closed behind us. I -gave her my arm in support until we reached the doorway; then I stepped -a pace behind her as she entered. Without speaking, I waited until she -had knelt at the altar, and the incense was rising in clouds before the -imperturbable images under their glass cases. Then I attended her to her -own apartment. My life as a real Chinese daughter-in-law had begun. - - - - -IV - -THE ETERNAL HILLS - - -As I followed my Chinese mother into her apartments, I thought of the -benevolent croakings of friends. Their words rattled through my memory -like pebbles shaken in a pail: "She can never be happy with a Chinese -husband!" Later it was, "It is all very well in America, but wait until -she goes to China." When I had happily established myself there, "Heaven -help her," said they, "if she tries to live with her Chinese -mother-in-law!" In Shanghai, foreign friends had predicted, "Oh, yes, -she's lovely in _your_ house, but wait until you try living in _her_ -house!" - -"This is the last ditch, Margaret," I said to myself. "Take it clear! -Either you are about to make one more argument against intermarriage or -you are going to settle the question for ever so far as your case is -concerned." - -Mother and I went in to dinner together, somewhat later than usual. We -attacked our food very bravely, eyes down. I glanced up inadvertently, -and the sight of tears on her cheeks released mine too. I leaned forward -and took her hand and we struggled with a sentence or two. "No tears!" I -said. "Be patient!" she answered. - -Next morning after the _amah_ had dressed young Alicia, while the -cheerful child was following me about the room with her eyes and talking -merry baby talk, I took her up and went, earlier than usual, to see -Mother. I found her sitting up in bed. She was dressed for the day, and -the blankets were rolled back against the side of the wall, making a -comfortable couch for her. Thinking of Chan-King, I looked at the row -of little cabinets extending across the back, half-way up towards the -canopy. I remembered Chan-King's telling me of the year when he was -still small enough to stand under these fascinatingly carved cabinets, -where his mother stored her trinkets and toilet articles, embroidery -silks, perfumes and the endless paraphernalia of her quiet life, and of -the pride he felt when he bumped his head one day and found that he must -stoop to be comfortable. - -Wilfred was just high enough now to stand easily under the cabinets, -but, in some mysterious fashion, the little image of him presented at -this moment to my fancy became that of the small, far-away Chan-King, -whom I was for ever re-creating in my mind as I went about the house -where he had lived his pleasant youth. - -This morning I laid Alicia on the bed near Madame Liang. She bent over -her and made a _moue_ into the rosy face. I was much pleased when -Madame Liang was unusually attentive to Alicia, though my sense of -justice always reminded me that my own Scotch mother would probably have -made more of the boys. But our Alicia was the first daughter in two -generations of my husband's family, and, even though the sons were of -priceless value to the clan, she was loved and cherished tenderly. It -seemed to me at times that the household was more fond of her than of -all the boys together, including Madame Springtime's young Kya-Song, who -filled the left wing of the compound with his shouts of glee as he -played riding-horse on his precarious bamboo stool. I remembered with -amusement the Western idea that daughters are unwelcome, always, in -Chinese families. - -While Madame Liang patted the baby, talking to her coaxingly, I asked -what she wished me to do. - -She indicated on her dressing-table a box of stereoscopic views, which -I brought to her. They formed a complete story, but had become very much -confused. As I could read the foreign titles, would I kindly arrange the -pictures in proper sequence? The ease and speed with which I -accomplished this task won her instant approbation. - -This was merely one of the numberless small things I did for her -thereafter. In my new estate I was in attendance on my mother during -many hours of the day. I walked with her in the garden in fine weather, -I sat with her and sewed, threading needles as for my own mother and -even helping her to make those marvellous small shoes that she fashioned -so carefully to the form of her feet. One day I told her how amazed I -had been when I first learned from Chan-King that Chinese wives made the -family shoes, but how readily I could understand, when I saw the dainty -embroidered foot-wear he referred to, that shoemaking was indeed a -womanly craft. - -She and Madame Chau used to take great pride in making for themselves -the most frivolous of shoes. Madame Chau's were the smaller, being -barely two and a half inches long, whereas those of my mother were twice -that length and different in shape. I discovered the reason for this: -Madame Chau clung tenaciously to the old style; but Mother had gradually -let out her bandages and altered their arrangement, keeping pace with -the change that followed the abolition of the old custom. - -I became deeply interested in the custom of foot-binding. In Shanghai, -all the pupils of my school and (with certain notable exceptions) the -women of my social world had natural feet, and the majority of them wore -American pumps and Oxfords or English boots. Bound feet, though I saw -them frequently in public, seemed very remote. But now, save the girls -of twelve and under, who had profited by the new order of things, the -women among whom I lived all had bound feet. It may be worth noting, -when one remembers how America, with its own great unwashed, jokes at -the expense of the Chinese of whatever rank or station, that, in -accordance with the fastidious cleanliness of upper-class Chinese, the -bound feet were exquisitely cared for, and the narrow, white, specially -woven bandages were changed every two or three days. As I watched the -daintily shod women of my mother's household, I realized that never -before had I appreciated, in reading the literature of my adopted -country, the aptness of comparing the walk of a woman with bound feet to -the grace of bamboo swaying in the breeze. Never had I suspected the -charm attached to twinkling flashes of embroidery beneath a panelled, -many-plaited skirt. My own number-four feet assumed alarming -proportions. I grew positively ashamed of them. One day as Mother and I -sat together in arm-chairs, with a blackwood tea-table between us, I -placed my feet in line with hers and said, sighing, "Ah, they look very -bad, indeed!" She waved a deprecating hand. "Never mind," she said with -courtesy and truth, "they may not look so well, but they certainly walk -better." - -Of course I was glad that the small Alicia belonged to Young China, and -would purchase no golden lilies with a cask of tears, as I had often -read that every woman with bound feet must do. But I now decided that -the cask must have been filled in the years of girlhood. For the women -about me seemed to suffer no pain--only an occasional numbness, relieved -by brisk massage from knee to ankle under the hands of a maid. I was -surprised at the ease and energy with which they got about, merely -balancing with small forward and backward steps when stopping--unless -they had a servant's arm, or a cane, for support. - -I thought our mother infinitely superior in the grace and dignity of her -carriage. Madame Springtime, who had slightly enlarged her feet, at the -command of her husband, moved slowly and with a lack of grace -characteristic of the younger generation. Madame Chang moved ponderously -and with difficulty. Madame Chau hurried with quick, fluttering steps. -On occasion she would even run races with Alfred, our merry second son, -now two and a half years old. She would catch his hand, lean forward and -hurry him the length of the hall, the two of them laughing gaily. Now -and then I would fold my hands, balance on my heels and essay a "willow -walk," to the great amusement of Mother and Madame Chau. - -Life went on very evenly for me in my Chinese mother's house after my -husband's departure. His father had not come home for his semi-annual -visit, and the second son was away again. Even the quiet-mannered third -son, who looked just like his mother, and who used to bring me roses -from the garden every day, had sailed for the island port to take his -place in the family business. We were under a benevolent matriarchate in -the snug compound among the brown hills now brightening to springtime -green. - -Madame Liang was infallibly generous and kind. I never heard her speak -sharply except occasionally to servants who had by their carelessness -caused something to go amiss, impeding the smooth progress of daily -family life. I used to watch her with interest as she directed the -household affairs from the throne of her great bed. She rarely gave her -orders at first hand, but would summon a relative or an upper servant, -who would receive and pass them down to those for whom they were -intended. This imparted to her orders an empress-like finality and -importance. The servants gave her complete allegiance. - -She took great pride in conducting me through the complicated structure -where generations of Liangs had lived and died. Extending back from the -main establishment was a series of smaller ones like it, each with its -own courtyard, its main hall containing the family altar, its private -chambers opening on each side. Similar chains of "homes within a home" -extended east and west, at right angles to this central chain. Mother -showed me the rooms she had occupied as a bride, with the chamber where -Chan-King was born, when the older Madame Liang ruled affairs with a -firm yet kindly hand. I felt deeply moved by all this, more than ever a -part of the family. - -I made many small mistakes, I know, in my effort to practise the -toleration, industry and courtesy exemplified in that family group, but -Mother, unlike many of the over-sensitive, easily offended Chinese women -of her class, was divinely patient. She never asked of me anything that -she deemed unfitting for me and she showed a wise discrimination in all -the small tasks she assigned. I sometimes accompanied her to the temple, -or to the ancestral graves, but only as a spectator. Her religious -toleration required no compromise. She wanted me to see where -grandparents and great-grandparents were laid to rest. She knew I was -interested and filled with respect. To Madame Springtime fell the task -of caring for the family altar and keeping up the daily devotions before -the sacred shrine. - -This young wife was in every way so typical of the old-fashioned Chinese -woman, trained but not educated, disciplined but not broken, that I -found her a continual source of interest. She was naturally shy and -silent, but after a time we talked a little, and one day she showed me -her bridal trunks of white lacquer with red and gold decorations, filled -to the top with her bridal finery, exquisitely folded, and the clothes -for her first child, which had been provided by her parents as a part of -her wedding outfit. - -This latter custom of Chan-King's native province appealed to me. It was -typical of the many simplicities I found among my adopted people. Those -small, brilliant-coloured garments of padded silk and brocade and linen -were symbols of hope, good omens for happiness and a fruitful marriage. -Accustomed as I was to falsely Puritanic ideals concerning the important -realities of life--marriage and birth--their frank attitude toward -fundamentals, their unquestioning acceptance of the facts of existence -came as a pleasant surprise to me. - -I liked also the curious contrast between their simple view of -elemental things and the formality and rigour of their personal -etiquette. It is the manner of an old and ever cultivated race, who have -long since ceased building at the foundation and are now occupied with -the decorations of life. - -Their scheme of daily living is based on the firm belief that the normal -mode of human existence is family life. To this end it must be preserved -at any cost. Life cannot develop in discord. If the amenities are worth -anything at all, they are worth preserving constantly and at whatever -personal sacrifice. - -Life behind the arched gate was so pleasant and so filled with small, -daily occupations that I thought little of going about. The village had -no theatre. On festal days performances were given by travelling -troupes, on temporary stages, in temples or private houses. But we -occasionally attended the theatre in the great city near, and, when we -had guests staying with us for several days, they sometimes accompanied -us. We were rather an impressive sight, I fancy, borne at a brisk trot, -in half a dozen sedan-chairs, down the irregular path at dusk, preceded -and followed by menservants carrying lanterns. - -The children led a sheltered, happy existence, with servants and young -relatives to amuse them indoors or without, as the weather permitted. -They were liberally supplied, by their indulgent grandmother, with -pocket-money in the form of handfuls of coppers instead of the strings -of cash that sufficed an earlier generation. From passing venders they -bought bows and arrows of brightly painted bamboo, whistling birds and -theatrical figures of coloured earthenware, inflated rubber toys and an -endless variety of rice-flour cakes, sesame-seed confections, peanut -taffy and millet candy. On festal days the choice was wider than ever, -with fluffy bunches of sugar wool (fine-spun syrup) and brittle candy -toys blown from molten taffy with all the glass-blower's art, in the -form of lanterns, birds and fish, mounted on slender sticks. At certain -seasons, there were huge fish made of bamboo frames, paper-covered and -realistically painted, which swam in a breeze with lazy grace, or kites -similarly fashioned to represent birds and dragons which winged upward -in fascinating flight. - -There was a limited foreign settlement in this same city and several of -the American and British women came to call on me. Some of them were -frankly curious to know how I had come through the "ordeal by family," -as one of them expressed it, though of course they were very tactful. - -Mother was much interested in these visitors, many of whom--if able to -speak Chinese--I presented to her. When they left, she would often ask -questions as to their nationality, their husbands' occupation, the -number of their children. As for that question, most of them confessed -to one child or, occasionally, two. But I shall never forget the call of -a strikingly handsome, auburn-haired woman and the conversation that -followed her departure. In reply to the usual inquiry, I said, "No -children at all! But she has five _dogs_ and has just bought, in -Shanghai, two more, which are coming down on the next steamer." - -"No children at all, and five--_seven dogs_!" said Mother in tones of -horror. And then we burst out laughing. But quickly she grew sober. -"Foreign women do not care for children," she said. - -"I do," I protested. "I like many children." - -"You," said my mother with a smile, "are a Chinese wife." - -But happily my next caller was a sweet-faced American woman, the proud -mother of six, two of whom she brought with her. So our national -reputation was saved. - -In these days, I thought a great deal about intermarriage as a problem. -When in Shanghai, a returned student who stayed with us for several days -had said to Chan-King afterward, "I almost married an American girl -while I was in college. I wish now I had been brave enough to do so." At -that time I felt very sorry for the unknown girl who had missed all the -happiness that was coming to me, and now I was more sure than ever of -the true quality of my happiness. There was no doubt at all on that -score. But I realized the many, many ways in which everything might have -been spoiled. Had my husband been less considerate, less sincere and -loyal, had his family been less kindly and broad-minded, had I myself -been capricious and wilful or unable to adapt myself to surroundings, I -might every day have plumbed the depths of misery. I decided that no -rules could be made about intermarriage. It was an individual problem, -as indeed all marriage must be. So, when a young girl from home wrote to -me for advice, believing herself in love with a Chinese classmate, and -concluded, "You, Mrs. Liang, must settle the question for me," I -answered, as I should not have done a year earlier: "That is a question -that you two alone are competent to settle. No one can advise you -safely, for a mistake either way may result in lifelong unhappiness. But -I might venture to suggest that love strong enough to stand the test of -intermarriage does not seek advice. It is sure of itself." - -In a household where only my eldest son and I spoke English, my lingual -struggles were unexpectedly mild. Chan-King had left me a list of -everyday phrases, and my ear grew very keen in my constant efforts to -understand the rapid speech going on around me all day long. In a short -while I could understand virtually everything said to me. - -During the long conversations that Mother and I had in the quiet of the -evening, we talked much of Chan-King and she displayed treasured relics -of his boyhood: a small jacket of deep red velvet, a worn cap, a silver -toy and the identical schoolbook in which he began the study of English. -I loved them all, loved her the more for cherishing them and was made -supremely happy by being given a photograph of Chan-King at an earlier -age than any he possessed. She was very much interested in all our -photographs too. She was vastly amused at Chan-King arrayed for college -theatricals and, when I brought out pictures of myself at all ages, of -my parents and grandparents, she traced family resemblances with -unerring perception. Sometimes we looked at magazines that Chan-King -sent us from the capital or talked of various foreign customs. I soon -found it very easy to talk with her and with her help I learned also to -read and write simple Chinese characters, for a very liberal-minded -father had given her educational advantages enjoyed by few girls of her -generation. - -When the hands of her small ebony clock pointed to twelve, she would -touch my hand gently and say, "Time for you to sleep." - -"But first I must write to Chan-King," I would answer. - -She would shake her finger at me with kindly caution. "It is too late," -she would answer. "You must sleep." - -I would hold out firmly on this point. "But, my mother, if I do not -write to Chan-King, I cannot sleep!" - -She would assent then, and next day I would carry the pages to show her, -for my letters to Chan-King and his voluminous responses were a source -of much amusement to her. I translated these letters to her as -faithfully as my limited Chinese would allow, and in my letters always -added messages dictated by her. - -I was learning the romanized method of writing Chinese, which for our -dialect has been remarkably developed and standardized. Mother was much -interested when I showed her how to write familiar words with foreign -letters, and Chan-King always answered these messages in kind, though -his mother and he carried on a regular correspondence in the Chinese -characters. - -"Those children write long letters to each other, fifteen and twenty -pages at a time," she often told her friends with manifest delight. - -Beyond this personal companionship with my mother, which I enjoyed very -much, there was no restraint put upon me in any way. I was free to walk -out alone, to return calls and to shop in the city. - -My own sense of fitness prompted me always to present myself at the door -of my mother's apartment before I left the house, to explain to her the -nature of my errand and to ask for her approval. Accepting the little -formality for the courtesy it was, she never once demurred. She was -accustomed to this respect, and I saw no reason for withholding it. All -the invitations I received from acquaintances, either foreign or -Chinese, I declined or accepted as she advised, because I relied upon -her unfailing knowledge of people and social customs. - -Twice during those months of Chan-King's absence death came near. Once -it was a clever young boy, an only son, in whom high hopes had been -centred; and, then, the young girl who had accompanied Mother to -Shanghai. She was no servant in the ordinary sense, but an orphaned -distant relative of Mother's. Madame Liang was always kind and generous -with her, and when, soon after her return from the trip to Shanghai, -which had been a great event in her quiet life, a promising marriage -offer was made, she was sent forth to her new home with a complete -bridal outfit. Hearing at last of our presence in the family home, she -put on her wedding-dress of pale green and came to see me. Her evident -pleasure in the meeting touched me poignantly. With bright eagerness she -told me of her husband, her kind mother-in-law. With pride she described -her tiny son. After a gay hour with the children she left, promising to -come again. But I never saw her afterwards. Death took her abruptly from -her happiness. - -I began to think of death as something not so remote after all. Several -times a group of us--children and cousins and friends and servants--made -short chair-trips into the hills. The sight of thousands of graves, -their stones whitening the hillsides for miles in some places, impressed -me more and more with the comparative shortness of life. - -Scattered over many of these hills are curious monuments of stone, -called "widow arches," each one standing alone, usually by a roadside, -in commemoration of a faithful wife who, in ancient days, killed herself -at the death of her husband. A widow who wished to make this sacrifice -would, after a short lapse of time, announce her intention of committing -suicide. The members of her family would erect a high stage for her and -invite relatives and friends to attend the ceremony. At the chosen hour, -the lady would hang herself, and a high stone arch would later be -erected as a memorial of her devotion and heroism. - -In the Chinese family, the widow who does not remarry receives honour -and veneration second only to the mother-in-law. With age, she acquires -added authority. She is not forbidden to remarry, but the conditions of -second marriage are made difficult enough to discourage any but the -most intrepid. The children of her first husband remain in the house of -his people, and the family of her second husband do not give her any too -cordial a welcome. - -One naturally prefers free will in these things. Yet I had a -whole-hearted sympathy with the idea of life-widowhood, long before I -dreamed it was to be my portion. Painful as the sight of the "widow -arches" was to me at first, my convictions made the Chinese view of them -seem not unnatural, though I knew the custom had been forbidden by -imperial edict some two centuries earlier. - -Even in the days when Chan-King and I believed that our love would -somehow give us earthly immortality, the idea was strong in me that, to -those who loved truly, death could only extinguish the torch for a -moment to relight it in the clearer flame of eternity. Then, I cherished -this thought in the background of my mind. Now, I live by it. - -For this reason, too, I have always found the Chinese attitude towards -the dead very comforting. They never for a moment relinquish hold on -their loved ones. The anniversary of the day of death is as festal an -occasion as the day of birth. The pageant of life marches without a -break, birth to death and beyond, and birth again, the generations -endlessly touching mystical hands, until the individual feels himself to -be part of an endless procession that passes for a moment into a white -light and out again, feels himself touching those who came before and -those who come after--one of a long line, bound together irrevocably. - -With all their ethics of personal sacrifice and their preoccupation with -the idea of eternity, the Chinese have no ascetic contempt for the -material world and they earnestly desire and seek length of days. Among -the varied symbols and characters used to express good wishes--as -health, honour, riches--those for "long life" hold pre-eminence. They -are wrought in rings, bracelets, hair ornaments, and are sewed into -bridal garments and upon children's little coats and caps. I always felt -this enormous respect for life in all their daily customs--the preparing -of the baby clothes when the bride left her father's house, the -nurturing and strengthening of the clan with many children, the reverent -regard for the graves of the ancestors to whom the living owed their -grace of existence. - -On several occasions I accompanied my mother on her visits to the -ancestral graves. I remember the last time, only a few days before -Chan-King's return, that I walked with her, holding one of her hands, -while with the other she grasped her gold-headed cane. She wore a light -costume--a plaited black skirt and lavender "coat" and lovely black kid -shoes. Servants followed with her baskets of offerings. - -We stood at a respectful distance, in silence, while she performed her -rites. All about were placed papers, weighted with small stones. She -knelt and, clasping her hands, devoutly repeated her prayers under her -breath. Then, assisted by a servant, she burned the paper symbols of -refreshment and replenishment for the dead. Fire-crackers were exploded -to clear the air of evil spirits, and the ceremony was over. - -As we returned to the village, everywhere people called out to her from -their doorways and she invariably replied with friendly courtesy. In the -outskirts we stopped for rest and a visit to the house of a cousin. When -we left, many of the relatives and friends went with us a little way, -crying out repeatedly, "Good-bye!" and "Come again, come again soon!" I -saw the sunlight on Tiger Mountain; I smelled the saltness of the sea. -As we passed around the great boulders that hid them from our sight, the -modulated cadence of their "Come again, come again soon!" floated to -us. It was the last time I should hear it as I was then, and I did not -even dream that it was so. - -For a month I had been expecting the arrival of Chan-King. His letters -were always love-letters, with added paragraphs saying that he was -getting on well with his work and would have much to tell me of it when -he came home. At last a letter told us to expect him by a certain -steamer, on a certain day. But schedules were still in confusion because -of the war. That steamer was delayed, and Chan-King sailed for another -port, meaning to change there. More delays followed. More letters of -explanation. More delays again. Mother and I both became heart-sick with -hope deferred. At last, one morning, worn out with watching, I slept -later than usual, and on that morning Chan-King came home. - -Awakened out of a long drowse, I heard a stir in the quiet house, the -clang of a gong, a rush of padded footfalls in the outer hall. Happy -voices mingled in greeting at the door of my mother's apartment. I threw -on my robe, tucked Alicia under my arm and ran across the room, flinging -the door open even as Chan-King had his hand raised to knock at the -panel. I saw him dimly in the wavering light. He was smiling, and behind -him stood his mother, also smiling. Each of us solemnly spoke the -other's name, trying to erase, with a long look, the memory of all those -months of absence. Then he saw the baby. "Li-Sia, my thousand catties of -gold!" he said, in Chinese. Alicia smiled and held out her arms to him. -"She recognizes him!" said Mother, in pleased surprise. We three stood -together a moment, silently, gathered around the child. I felt myself -more deeply absorbed into the clan--a Chinese woman, dedicated anew, -heart and spirit, to my adopted people. - -Later, Chan-King explained to me the reason for his home-coming. His -legal service for the Government had been completed and his expected -appointment had come at last. We were to return to America, where he -would be in the Chinese consular service. After a period in this work, a -bright future in the diplomatic field seemed assured. It meant leaving -my beloved China, where I had firmly taken root. But we agreed that the -exile would be for only a few years and that we would return surely to -our Promised Land, there to enjoy our span of "long life with honour." - -Now our leisurely existence was broken up to a degree. Almost -immediately we set about preparations for our new life in America. -Chan-King looked forward with absorbing interest to the change, almost -as if he were going home. My instant reaction was one of joy, swiftly -followed by sorrow at giving up things now loved and familiar. I wanted -to appear cheerful, as a duty to those around me. I did not want to -seem too cheerful, lest Mother should think me glad to go. - -In this period, at last, I met my Chinese father. One beautiful day in -early autumn, Chan-King and I went down to the city, returning in -mid-afternoon. As our chairs were set down before the entrance, the -gatekeeper announced to Chan-King his father's arrival. I was filled -with swift apprehension. Again chance had decided my costume: I was -wearing, not the conservative Chinese garb in which I had met my mother, -but a frilly American dress of blue and white summer silk, a white lace -hat with black velvet and pink rosebuds and white kid shoes. Chan-King -had on white flannels and a Panama hat. The latter he handed to a -servant, as also his cane. As we entered the main room together, a -figure rose from beside Mother to receive us. I saw an elderly man of -medium height, with grim, smooth-shaven face and grey hair. He was -wearing a long gown of deep blue silk, with a black outer jacket and the -usual round cap of black satin. My husband first greeted him and then -presented me. While I stood uncertain, there was a courteous inclination -of the grey head, the grimness of expression dissolved in a wonderfully -winning smile, and, surprisingly, as Mother had done, my Chinese father -extended his hand. I felt that he was interpreting me in the light of -all she had told him, that his cordial handclasp and kindly words of -welcome were his ratification of her judgment. Then, with a courtly -gesture, he assigned me to his lately occupied chair beside Mother, -while he and Chan-King took seats together opposite us. Mother smiled -into my eyes with her happiest expression. I felt that Chan-King's -background was complete. Long before, I had conceived of it as harsh and -threatening, but I had now proved it to be wholly kind and protecting. -At my recent fear of this last test I wondered and smiled. - -Father was much gratified at finding his grandsons able to converse -fluently in his native tongue. He would gather them all about him for an -hour at a time, asking questions to test their practical knowledge, or -telling stories to amuse them. Alicia also delighted him. At simple -Chinese commands, she would now clasp her hands or fold them and bow -profoundly. Mother was very proud of her wee granddaughter and would -often say, "She is just as Chan-King was at her age!" And her husband -would invariably assent with an indulgent smile. There existed between -these two--conservative types though they were--an evidence of mutual -affection and respect, of real companionship, that touched me -profoundly. I was glad that Father was to be with Mother when Chan-King -and I took ourselves and our three children from the home where, -according to the old Chinese custom, we all rightfully belonged. - -The question of leaving one or more of our children there for a time was -discussed one afternoon later. - -"Under ordinary circumstances," said Father to Chan-King, "you would go -alone, as your brother does, leaving your entire family with us. At the -very least, you would allow one child to remain in your stead. But of -course your mother and I understand that these are not ordinary -circumstances. Your wife is an American. She has been considerate of our -point of view in many ways--more than we expected--and in this matter we -do not fail to consider hers, which is no doubt your own as well. We -understand that according to the American view the children belong with -their parents, always. We cannot, of course, deny your right to this -manner of living. But we want you to feel that, if you can leave even -one child with us, we shall be very happy. You understand what -protection and care will be given it." - -For a moment there was silence. My heart was very full, and, even had it -been my place to speak, I should have been unable to do so. Mentally I -pictured Mother's loneliness at losing so many of her children. Vainly I -tried to imagine our home in America with even one small face missing. I -watched my husband, noted the tiny traces of conflict in his face, -impassive perhaps to the casual glance. At last he spoke. - -"Father, mother," he began earnestly, "we do indeed appreciate your -great kindness and generosity. You will understand that, just as you -understand most truly our situation. We know that here with you our -children would have many advantages that we, perhaps, cannot give them. -But which one could we leave to enjoy those advantages? Not Wilfred, for -he is our eldest son, on whom we place great dependence. And Alfred--of -us all he seems least fitted for the southern climate. The summer heat -has left him a little pale and listless. He needs the sea voyage. As for -Alicia, she is the baby, and our only daughter. Do not think us -unmindful of all you have done. But I fear we should not know how to -make our home without our children." - -After all, it was evidently not unexpected. They shook their heads a -trifle ruefully at each other and then smiled. - -"Very well," Father assented. "But this you must promise: that at -intervals, whenever your work permits, you will come back--all of -you--and spend a year with us again. Do not let the children forget us -nor their Chinese speech. In four years, at most, all come back -together." - -We promised readily, Mother and I repeating the phrase to each other, -"In four more years, all come back together." Our eyes were full of -tears. - -That night I said to my husband, "We should have left one of them." - -But Chan-King was a clearer thinker, just then, and knew the truth of -this situation better than I did. "Which one?" he asked me -significantly, in a tone that made me see the essential hollowness of my -protest. - -On the Sunday before our ship sailed, Chan-King and I bade farewell to -China. In company with our parents and many other relatives we walked to -the top of a very high hill, where an old temple, which commanded a -magnificent view for miles around, crouched contentedly among the rocks, -in the grey sunshine. It was a temple of the three religions, with huge -stone images of Confucius, Buddha and Lao-tse grouped in its outer -court. Together, Chan-King and I climbed to the crest of the terraced -rock. I looked about me, down upon the proud, bright little village, -alert and colourful on the hill-side, upon the scattered fertile -patches in the midst of the barren mountains where tigers build their -lairs. The eternal hills swept the lowering, clouded skies, rolling away -from us, silent, shadow-filled. A surging love of the very soil under my -feet, a clinging to the earth of China, overwhelmed me. I wished to -kneel down and kiss that beloved dust. "Oh, Chan-King," I said, shaking -with emotion, "This is home! I wish we were not leaving, even for a -day!" - -"We will come again soon," he said, in Chinese, "and we will live here -when we are old." - -That evening we sat together in the quiet garden. From Mother's -apartments came the sound of her young nephew's voice as he chanted his -morrow's lessons. We heard the subdued merriment of two little maids, -teasing each other in the hall beyond. Along the outer path a -sedan-chair passed with rhythmic sway, the bamboo supports creaking a -soft accompaniment to the pad-pad of the bearers' sandalled feet. - -From varying distances came the clang of a brass gong, shuddering on the -stillness, the staccato sound of slender bamboo sticks shaken together -in a cylindrical box, the measured beat of a small drum-rattle, as the -different street venders announced their wares. Over the hills, now -purple in twilight, the round moon swung leisurely into the violet sky. -Strange breaths of incense were wafted about us. The sea-breeze stirred -the branches of a dragon's-eye tree close by, where the ripening -fruit-balls tapped gently against each other like little swaying -lanterns. For long moments we sat in silence, with clasped hands. - -Out of that silence my husband spoke softly, words I had long yearned to -hear: "Absence, Margaret, teaches many things. Once it showed you your -own heart. This time it has taught me to believe with you in the -immortality of love like ours. Physically, we may be separated at -times, but mentally, spiritually, you and I are one for all eternity." - -The moon rose higher, golden, perfect, even as our love. - -A few days later, we sailed for America. The rest may be told in a few -words, for, after all, no words could adequately tell it. A week after -our arrival in America, Chan-King was stricken with influenza. For -several years he had been in the shadow of a slow illness, but with -stout resistance and such buoyant recurring periods of good health that -we had for a time almost forgotten that early and sinister threat. But -those years of struggle were all thrown into the balance against him -when the decisive hour came. After six days, he died. Quietly, with -terrible implacability, death closed over him. We feared a sudden end, -it is true, but were still incredulous of such a calamity. We gave each -other what assurance we could: our ultimate farewells were simple -renewals of faith, a firmer tightening of our hands for our walk in -darkness. "Of all the world, you are my love," he said, many times. -"More than anyone else you have understood, you have been unfailing--you -have been my wife." And, almost as he spoke, my arms held no longer my -living beloved, but only the clay where his spirit had been and would -come no more. - -So, by the visible evidences, my history is finished. But it has begun -anew for me, not as I wished, not as I hoped, but on a level that I can -endure. For I have my children and my memories and my home in China, -which waits with the gentle healing of sight and sound and place ... and -I have learned that in love, and only in love, we can wring spiritual -victory out of this defeat of the body. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of My Chinese Marriage, by -Katherine Anne Porter and Mae M. 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