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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/5736-8.txt b/5736-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..303a56b --- /dev/null +++ b/5736-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4491 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Professional Aunt, by Mary C.E. Wemyss + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Professional Aunt + +Author: Mary C.E. Wemyss + +Release Date: May, 2004 [EBook #5736] +Posting Date: April 23, 2009 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PROFESSIONAL AUNT *** + + + + +Produced by Sean Pobuda + + + + + + + + +THE PROFESSIONAL AUNT + +By Mary C. E. Wemyss + + + + +Chapter I + + +A boy's profession is not infrequently chosen for him by his +parents, which perhaps accounts for the curious fact that the shrewd, +business-like member of a family often becomes a painter, while the +artistic, unpractical one becomes a member of the Stock Exchange, in +course of time, naturally. + +My profession was forced upon me, to begin with, by my sisters-in-law, +and in the subsequent and natural order of things by their children--my +nephews and nieces. + +Zerlina says it is the duty of one woman in every family to be an aunt. +By that she means of course a professional aunt. She says she does not +understand the longing on the part of unattached females--the expression +is hers, not mine--for a larger sphere of usefulness than that which +aunt hood offers. She considers that it affords full scope for the +energies of any reasonably constituted woman; and no doubt, if the +professional aunt was all that Zerlina says she should be, she would +have her time fully occupied in the discharging of her duties. + +Zerlina cannot see that it is not exactly a position of a woman's own +choosing, although under strong pressure she has been known to admit +that there have been cases in which women have been made aunts whether +they would or no; and she thinks it is perhaps by way of protest against +such usage that they so shamefully neglect their duties in that walk +of life to which their bothers and sister-in-law have seen fit to call +them. + +Of course, when an aunt marries, she loses at once all the perfecting +of the properly constituted aunt; and that is a thing to be seriously +considered. Is she wise in leaving a profession for which all her +sisters-in-law think she is admirably fitted, for one which the most +experienced pronounce a lottery? + +This is all of course written from Zerlina's point of view. She requires +of a professional aunt many things. She must, to begin with, remember +the birthdays of all her nephews and nieces, of Zerlina's children +in particular. If she remembers their birthdays, it stand to reason, +Zerlina's reason, that the sequence of thought is--presents. + +The really successful aunt knows the particular taste of each nephew and +niece. She knows, moreover, the exact moment at which the taste changes +from a love for woolly rabbits to a passion for steam engines. Instinct +tells her at what age a child maybe promoted, with safety, from wool to +paint, and she knows the critical moment in a boy's life when a Bible +should be bestowed. It usually, or perhaps I should say my experience is +that it usually, follows the first knife, an ordinary two-bladed knife, +and comes the birthday before a knife--"with things in it." The real +boy must have a knife with things in it: a corkscrew,--I wonder why a +corkscrew?--a buttonhook, a thing to take stones out of horses' hoofs, +a thing to mend traces with--I know I am ignorant of the technical +terms--but the hardest-hearted shop-assistant will never fail to help a +professional aunt in the choice of a knife, unless by chance he should +be unhappy enough never to have been a boy, and such cases are rare. + +I used often to wonder why boys wanted all these things. Now I know, +because I asked Dick and he said, "You see, Aunt Woggles, I use them for +other things." I am not sure that most of us don't do the same thing +with many of our most cherished possessions in life. + +As regards steam-engines Zerlina lays down a distinct law. They must +never burst--that is an injury no sister-in-law would ever forgive--and +paint must never come off. If Zerlina had known and loved the taste of +crimson lake in the days of her youth, she would never draw so hard and +fast a line. + +From the earliest moment in a baby's career, the professional aunt takes +upon herself serious responsibilities. She may not, for instance, like +any ordinary aunt, pass the baby in his perambulator, out walking. Any +other aunt may, with perfect propriety, say, "Hullo, duckie, where's +auntie?" and pass on. She knows the danger of stopping, and seeks to +avoid it. Not so the professional aunt. She realizes the danger and +faces it. She knows she will have to wait, for the sake of the child's +character, until he shall choose to say, "Ta-ta." + +He will probably, if he is a healthy child, say everything he knows +but that. He will go through his limited vocabulary in a pathetically +obliging manner, making the most beautiful "moo-moos" and +"quack-quacks," but he will not say, "Ta-ta." Why should he? On +persuasion, and more especially if the interview should take place at +a street-corner on a windy March day, he will repeat the "moo-moos" and +"quack-quacks" even more successfully than before, and he will wonder +in what way they fall short of perfection, since he earns no praise. He +likes to be rewarded with, "Kevver boy." We all do, just as a matter of +form, if nothing else. Surely ordinary politeness demands it. + +He will not say, "Ta-ta," though. Who knows but what it is innate +politeness on his part and his way of saying, "Oh, don't go! What a +flying visit!" + +However, the professional aunt cannot be sure of this, although she can +guess; so she must wait patiently, for the sake of Baby's morals and +nurse's feelings, until he does say, "Ta-ta." We may suppose that he +at last loses his temper and says it, meaning, no doubt, "For goodness +sake, go!" if not something stronger. The nurse is satisfied, the aunt +is released, and the conscientious objector is wheeled away. + +Besides ministering to the soul of a baby the aunt must tend to its +bodily needs, and for this reason she must be a good needlewoman. + +Before the arrival of the first nephew or niece, when she is very +unprofessional, she will hastily put her work under the sofa or behind +the cushion when any one comes into the room. As she grows older and +more professional, and the nephews and nieces become more numerous, she +will give up hiding her work. People who are intimately connected with +the family will show no surprise, and to inquisitive strangers, unless +she is very religious, she can murmur something about a crèche, so long, +of course, as Zerlina is not there. + +The really successful aunt, one who is at the top of her profession, +can perfectly well be trusted to take all the children to the Zoo alone; +that is to say, without a nurse, and of course without the mother. The +mother knows how pleased and gratified an aunt feels on being given the +entire charge of the children. The nurse is gratified too; in fact +every one is pleased, with perhaps the exception of the aunt. But it is +against professional etiquette for her to say so. She only wonders why +mothers think a privilege they hold so lightly--taking the children +to the Zoo--should be so esteemed by other women. But as the old +story goes, "Hush, darling, hush, the doctor knows best," so must we +say,--"Mothers know best." + +Another qualification in a professional aunt, desirable if not +indispensable, is tact. If she should be possessed of ever so little, it +will save her a considerable amount of bother. She won't, in a moment of +mental aberration, praise dark-eyed children to Zerlina, whose children +have blue eyes. Should she do so, by some unlucky chance, it would take +several expeditions to the Zoo, and probably one to Kew, before things +were as they were. If Zerlina, however, should, by the expedition of +the aunt and children to Kew, be enabled to do something she very much +wanted to do, and couldn't, because the nurse's father was ill, and the +nursery-maid anemic, the little misunderstanding will have disappeared +by the time the aunt returns from Kew, and Zerlina will say, after +carefully counting the children,--it is this mathematical tendency +in mothers that hurts an aunt,--"I do trust you implicitly with the +children, dear. You know that; it isn't every one I could trust; you are +so capable! I wish I were, but one can't be everything. Of course you +don't understand a mother's feelings." + +I sometimes wonder why Zerlina always says this to me. I have never +pretended to be anything but an aunt. + +But to return to my profession. As the children grow older the duties of +the aunt become more arduous. For the benefit of schoolboy nephews with +exeats, she must have an intimate acquaintance with the Hippodrome, any +exhibition going, every place of instruction, of a kind, or amusement. +She must be thoroughly up in matinees, and know what plays are +frightfully exciting, and she must have a nice taste in sweets. She need +not necessarily eat them; it is perhaps better if she does not. But she +must know where the very best are to be procured. She must never get +tired. She must love driving in hansoms and going on the top of 'buses. +She must know where the white ones go, and where the red ones don't, +although a mistake on her part is readily forgiven, if it prolongs the +drive without curtailing a performance of any kind. This requires great +experience. She must set aside, moreover, a goodly sum every year for +professional expenses. + +The foregoing are a few of the qualifications which Zerlina thinks +essential in aunts. There are others, and the greatest of them is love. +Zerlina forgot to mention that. + + + + +Chapter II + + +But Diana! That is another story. Open the windows wide, let in the +fresh air, the whispering of trees, the song of the birds, and all that +is good and beautiful in nature. The very thought of Diana is sunshine. +She is as God meant us to be, happy and good, believing in the goodness +of others, slow to find evil in them, quick to forgive it, infinitely +pitiful of the sorrows of the suffering. This is Diana, and she has +three children, Betty, Hugh, and Sara. Allah be praised! + +You do not imagine that I dislike Zerlina, do you? I should be sorry to +give that impression. But a professional aunt must be above all things +absolutely straightforward and truthful. + +I had been engaged for weeks to go to Hames for the first shoot, and an +urgent telegram from Zerlina, followed by a feverish letter, failed to +move me from my purpose. The telegram, by the way, ran as follows: "Can +you Tuesday for fortnight. Do. Urgent. ZERLINA." I wondered why Zerlina +elected to leave out "come." If I had been strictly economizing, I +should have saved on the "do." The letter followed in due course of +time:-- + +Dear Betty, I have just sent a wire in frantic haste asking you to come +[that was exactly what she had not done] on Tuesday for a fortnight. +I should so much like you to see something of the children, and Baby +really is very fascinating. She is such a fat child, much fatter than +Muriel's baby, who is six months older. The fact is, Jim is rather run +down; nothing much, of course, but I think a change would do him good, +and the Staveleys have asked us to go to them, and I don't like to +refuse, and we thought it would be such a good opportunity to have my +bedroom re-papered and painted. I don't believe you would smell the +paint, and in any case I believe there is some new kind of paint which +smells delicious, like stephanotis, I am told, so I will order that. I +would not ask you to come just as we are going away, because I should +like to be at home to see you, but I could go away so happily if you +were with the children; I often think for a woman without children, +you are so wonderfully understanding, about children, I mean. You could +manage nurse, too, I am sure. She is in one of her moods just now, and I +feel I must get away from all worries for a little. + +Yours, + +ZERLINA + +P. S.--Jim is so well, and would send his love if he were here. + +I telegraphed back, of course, directly I got Zerlina's telegram, +saying I could not come, and answered the letter at leisure. It is as +a sister-in-law in relation to the aunt that Diana particularly shines. +This aunt she looks upon as something more than useful, and asks her +to stay at other times than when the children have measles, and +whooping-cough, or the bedroom is to be re-papered. Zerlina perhaps is +unfortunate. She says, "Have you ever noticed how the children always +have something when you come to stay?" Zerlina is quite pretty when she +puts her head on one side. I answer, "Yes, Zerlina, I have noticed it +curiously enough," but I do not say that I suspect that at the very +first sound of a cough, at the very first appearance of a rash, this +aunt is urged to come and stay. + +Diana accepts such services; the mother of such creatures as Betty, +Hugh, and Sara is forced to do so by very reason of their existence. But +those services she accepts with generous appreciation; not that an aunt +wants thanks, but being human, pitifully so, even the most professional +of them, she is conscious where they are not expressed, in some form or +other. A smile is enough. + +So to Hames I went, in spite of Zerlina's appeal, with treasures deep +down in my box for Betty, Hugh, and Sara. Sara is of all babes in the +world the most fascinating, say sisters-in-law other than Diana what +they will. As a tribute to this fascination, the largest white rabbit, +woolly to a degree undreamed of--at least I hoped so--in Sara's world, +was carefully packed in my box, wrapped cunningly in tissue-paper, and +guarded on all sides by clothing of a soft description. I have known a +chiffon skirt put to strange uses in the interests of Sara. + +I found the carriage waiting for me, and was touched to see that Croft, +the old coachman, had come to meet me himself. It is an honor he does +the family with perhaps two or three exceptions. When he comes to meet +me, there is a regular program to be gone through. It varies only in a +very slight degree and begins like this:-- + +I say, "Well, Croft, it is very nice to see you," and he says, "The same +to you, miss, and many of them." He then begins to "riminize"; the word +is his own. He begins with the auspicious day on which I was born, and +describes how he himself went to fetch the doctor in the dead of the +night. He describes minutely his costume and the part the elements +played on the occasion; they were evidently very much upset. He then +goes on to say how he held me on my first pony, and taught me to ride +and drive. Having finally certificated me as competent to drive a pair +of horses under any circumstances, I ask how the children are, Sara in +particular. Here Croft looks heavenward, and says she looks a picture, +and adds that she looks very like me. The footman knows that here the +program is at an end, Croft having no greater praise to bestow on mortal +woman, and he opens the carriage door and I get in. + +Diana knows what it is to travel t he distance of three miles in the +suffocating embraces of Hugh and Betty; otherwise she would probably +have sent the children to meet me. + +The smell of the brougham brought my childhood vividly back to me. I +shut my eyes and instinctively put out my hand; and that hand that was +always held out to us as children took mine in its loving clasp, and I +was a child again, home from a visit, so glad to feel that hand again +and to see that mother from whom it was agony to be parted, for even a +short space of time. + + + + +Chapter III + + +When I arrived at Hames, Diana, tall, fair, and beautiful as a Diana +should be, was on the doorstep to meet me. Diana, by the way, had been +christened "Diana Elizabeth," in case she should have turned out short +and dumpy and, by some miraculous chance, dark. I looked for Sara in the +tail of Diana's gown,--I am afraid this is a literary license, as Diana +does not wear tails to her gowns in the country as a rule,--but Sara was +not there. + +"She is not there," said Diana. "The children are in the wildest state +of excitement, and will you faithfully promise to go up and see them +directly you have had tea?" + +I would willingly have gone then and there, and murmured something about +my box, and Diana said she hoped I had not brought them anything. + +"Oh! nothing," I said; "only the smallest things possible"; knowing all +the time that the woolly rabbit was, of its kind, unrivaled. But these +are professional expenses, and what I spend does not afterwards give +me a moment's worry. I have seen David, on the other hand, speechlessly +miserable after buying a mezzotint, for the time being only, of course; +the joy cometh in the morning, when Diana proves to him that it was the +only thing to do, and that it was really quite wonderful, the way in +which he was led to buy it. He had had no idea of doing so. Not the +slightest! And yet something within him urged him to buy it. Absolutely +urged him! + +Then, Diana said, it was clearly meant. If a man deliberately set out +on a fine morning, bent on spending more than he could afford, then--! +Diana's "then" is always so comforting. + +I am so afraid you will spoil the children, she said; "they expect +presents, which is so dreadful. Hugh bet sixpence at lunch that you +would bring him something, and he said to poor Mr. Hardy, You didn't." + +"But he will next time, Diana," I said. + +"Of course he will; that is the dreadful part of it." + +It is right that Diana should feel like that. A mother's point of view +and another's, an aunt's, for instance, are totally different things, +and I told Diana that, while fully appreciating her anxieties regarding +the characters of her children, considered that to destroy a child's +faith in an aunt was little short of criminal. But I promised that the +next time I came I would, perhaps, not bring them anything. "But I shall +give them fair warning." + +Diana admitted the justice of this, and she said, with a sigh of relief, +"I can't bear the children to be disappointed; a disappointed Sara is--" + +"Diana," I interrupted, "is it wise to begin Saraing at this time of +day?" + +In reality the woolly rabbit was tugging at my heartstrings and +clamoring to be unpacked. After a hurried tea, which I was obliged to +have for the sake of Bindon's feelings, I went upstairs, resolved to +disinter at all costs, without delay, the rabbit. I felt great anxiety +lest in transit the machinery which made the rabbit squeak in a way that +surely no rabbit, mechanical or otherwise,--particularly the otherwise, +I hoped,--had ever squeaked before, might be impaired; happily it was +not. + +Having carefully shut the door and silenced the attendant housemaid, I +took the precaution of burying the rabbit partially under the eider-down +quilt before testing the squeak, so that no noise should reach the +children. I am afraid I "mothered" the squeak of that rabbit if I +imagined it could reach anywhere so far; it was in reality such a very +small one. But such as it was, it was perfect, in spite of the deadening +effect of the quilt, and I pictured Sara's dimples dimpling. How she +would love it! The treasure was carefully wrapped up again, and I tried +hard to make it look like anything rather than a rabbit, in case Sara +should try, by feeling it, to discover its nature. + +Jane, the housemaid, said that no one could tell, no matter how much +they tried; if they tried all day, they wouldn't, that she knew for +sure; which was very consoling. + +I then examined Hugh's train and Betty's cooking-stove, and found them +intact, with, the exception of a saucepan lid. This, after a search, +we found under the wardrobe. Why do things always go under things? Jane +didn't know--she only knew they did. Then I opened the door and called. + +Suddenly I heard a noise unearthly in its shrillness: it was Hugh +calling his Aunt Woggles. He threw himself into my arms, keeping one +eye, I could not help noticing, on the parcels. During the hug, which +gave him plenty of time to make up his mind, he evidently decided +which was for him; for he relaxed his hold and went to the table by the +window, on which the parcels lay, whistling in as careless a manner as a +boy bursting with excitement could do. First of all he stood on one leg, +then on the other, and looked knowingly at me out of the corner of his +eye. He was too honest to pretend that he thought the parcel was for +some other boy, since there was no other. When the excitement became +more than he could bear, he sang in a sing-song voice, "I see it, I see +it!" + +"Open it, then," I said, which he proceeded to do with great energy, if +with little success. + +"I b'lieve it's a knife with things in it," he said. + +My heart sank. "Oh, it's much too big for a knife, Hugh," I replied. + +"I 'spect it is, all the same," he said with a nod; "you've made it big +on purpose; I positively know you have." + +At last it was opened, and I said, aunt-like, "Do you like it, Hugh?" + +"Awfully, thanks." Then he added a little wistfully, "Tommy's got a +knife with things in it, a button'ook." + +Perhaps he saw I looked disappointed, for he added magnanimously, "I +like trains next best, Aunt Woggles; only you see I didn't exactly pray +for a train, that's why. What's Betty's?" + +"Betty must open it herself." + +"Don't you suppose," he said, "that she would like me to open it for +her, because it is a hard thing opening parcels--and Betty says I may +always open all her parcels when she is out." + +"Hugh!" I exclaimed. + +He rushed to the door. "Come on, Betty," he shouted. "Aunt Woggles wants +you." + +If Betty's entrance was less tempestuous than Hugh's, her embrace was +not less ecstatic. She put her arms round my neck and took her legs off +the ground,--a quite simple process, and known to most aunts, I expect. +The ultimate result would, no doubt, be strangulation. No one knows, of +course, but among aunts it is a very general belief. Unlike Hugh, Betty +kept her eyes religiously away from parcels, and she got very pink when +I drew her attention to the very nobly one which was hers. Hugh stood +by, urging her to open it, and offering to help her; but this Betty +would not allow, and she opened it, her lips trembling with excitement. + +"Is it for my very own?" she whispered. + +"Absolutely for your very own, Betty," I answered. + +"Oh!" said Betty. "Hugh, it's all for my very, very own; Aunt Woggles +says so; but you may play with it when you are very good." + +This in Hugh's eyes seemed so remote a contingency as to be scarcely +worth consideration. + +When the cooking-stove stood revealed in all its glory, Betty was silent +for a moment; then she said in a voice choked with emotion, "I shall +cook dinners for you, all for your very own self--nobody else." + +My heart sank. "You will eat the things, won't you?" she asked, "if I +make proper things, just like real things?" + +"Of course," I said. "Where's Sara?" + +"She wouldn't have her face washed," said Betty, "so she's waiting till +she's good." + +Poor Sara! A strict disciplinarian is Betty! + +The regeneration of Sara was evidently a matter of moments only, for +the words were hardly out of Betty's mouth when Sara, in all her clean, +delicious dumpiness, appeared in the doorway. If there is one thing more +delicious than a grubby Sara, it is a clean Sara. Sara after gardening +is delicious, but Sara clean is assuredly the cleanest thing on God's +earth. I have never seen a child look so new, and so straight out of +tissue-paper, as Sara can look. She stared solemnly at her Aunt Woggles, +and then proceeded to walk away in the opposite direction, which was an +invitation on her part to me to follow and snatch her up in my arms. She +bore the hug stoically for a reasonable time, and then said, "Oo 'urt." + +I realized, with the agony of remorse, that a very large aunt can by +means of a brooch inflict exquisite torture on a very small niece. + +She wriggled herself free and began to rearrange her ruffled garments. +"Yaya's got noo soos," she announced; "ved vuns." + +"No, blue, darling," I said. + +"Ved," said Sara. + +"No, sweetest, blue," I repeated in a somewhat professional but wholly +affectionate manner. + +"Ved," said Sara with great decision; so I gave it up. + +"Sara always thinks blue is red," said Betty; "don't you, darling?" + +"No, boo," replied Sara; so the matter dropped. + +"Oo's tummin' to see Yaya's toys," said Sara. + +"Am I, darling? When?" + +"Now." + +"But Aunt Woggles has got something for you," I said in a triumphant +voice. + +Sara showed no interest and pulled me by the hand toward the door. + +"Hand me that, Betty," I said, pointing to the parcel on the table. + +Betty handed it to me. + +"Here, Sara," I said, "I have got a darling white rabbit for you! Sara! A +bunny!" + +"Yaya's got a blush upstairs, a lubbly blush," she said, disdaining even +to look at the parcel. I held it toward her, undid it, I squeaked the +squeak, I called the rabbit endearing names; but to no purpose. Sara +looked the other way. A look I at last persuaded her to bestow upon the +rabbit; but she gazed at its charms, unmoved. + +"Yaya doesn't yike nasty bunnies, only nice blushes," she said. + +"It's a hearth-brush dressed up," whispered Betty, "and it's dressed up +in my dolly's cape, at least in one of my dolly's capes; she loves it. +Aunt Woggles, do you think it is a good thing to make hearth-brushes say +their prayers? Sara does." + +I followed Sara disconsolately to the nursery and was shown the beauties +of the "lubbly blush." + +Nannie bemoaned her darling's taste, and the nursery-maid blushed for +very shame. + +"Not but what it's quite clean, miss," Nannie said; "it's been +thoroughly washed in carbolic." + +Meanwhile Sara was rocking herself backward and forward in a manner +truly maternal and singing her version of "Jesus Tender" to her "lubbly +blush." + +"I thought she would love the rabbit," I said, and Nannie, by way of +consolation, assured me that there was really nothing Sara loved so +much as a rabbit. I suppose Nannie knew, and that it was only another +instance of the folly of judging from appearances. + +"You will love your bunny, won't you, darling?" said Nannie; "nice +bunny!" + +"Nasty bunny," said Sara with great decision. + +"That's naughty, baby," said Nannie; "nice bunny!" + +"Naughty bunny," said Sara, "vake Yaya's yubbly vitty blush." And she +resumed her singing with religious fervor. + +Nannie was really quite upset, and apologized for her charge. I accepted +the apology and resolved then and there to send the despised rabbit +to the Children's Hospital by the next post. Have you ever given a +toy-balloon to a child, and had the child say, "Balloons don't amuse?" I +have. + +Nannie then, by way of consolation, suggested that Sara should say her +prayers at my knee. It was the greatest compliment she could pay +any one. Sara consented after much pressure, and she knelt down and +proceeded to pack up her face. No other word to my mind describes the +process. First of all she shut her eyes tight. To keep them tight seemed +to require a great physical effort; this was done by tightly screwing +up her nose. Next she proceeded to gather her eyebrows into the smallest +possible compass, and then she drew a deep breath, folded her small +hands, and started off at a terrific pace, "Gaw bess parver yan muvver +yan nannie yan hughyan betty yan dicky an aunt woggles yan ellen yan +emma yan croft--yan blusby yan all ve vitty children yan make dem velly +good boys yan make my nastyole bunnyagoodgirl. May Yaya get up?" + +"Not yet, baby, think," said Nannie. + +Sara thought, and then with a fresh access of solemnity repeated +an entirely new version of the Lord's Prayer. Nannie understood it +evidently, for at a point quite unintelligible to me, Nannie said, "Good +girl!" and Sara jumped up. + +Nannie told me that nothing would induce Sara to pray that she might +be made good. She was always very ready to make such petitions on the +behalf of Betty and Hugh, but for herself, no. She is not like Betty, +who at her age prayed, "Dear God, please make me a good little girl, but +if you can't manage it, don't bother about it; Nannie will soon do it." + +Difficult and tedious as the task may have appeared to Betty, I think +it was assuredly within the power of God to make her good without the +intervention of Nannie. Dear Betty! + +Sara was then put to bed, and while Nannie brushed her hair, Sara +brushed the hearth-brush's hair. Sara was very anxious to have it in her +bath with her, but here Nannie was firm. + +Later the hearth-brush was dressed in a nightgown and laid beside Sara +in her little bed. The last thing she did before going to sleep +was to gaze at her darling "blush" with rapture and say, +"Nasty--'ollid--bunny!" + +Her eyelashes fluttered and then gently fell on her cheek, as a +butterfly hovers and then settles on the petal of a rose. + +"Leave it here, miss," said Nannie; "she'll see it when she wakes." + +I left the despised bunny and went to dress for dinner. Betty was +waiting for me outside. "Is the cooking-stove for my very own self, Aunt +Woggles?" + +"Absolutely, Betty. Why?" + +"Only because Hugh wondered if it wasn't or him, too. He only wondered, +and I said I didn't suppose one present could be for two people, because +then it wouldn't be such a very real present, would it?" + +I said, "Of course not"; and I told her the story of the two men who +owned one elephant, and one man said to the other: "I don't know what +you are going to do with your half; I am going to shoot mine!" + +"And did he, Aunt Woggles?" asked Betty, her eyes wide with horror. + +"I wonder," I said. "I'll race you to the end of the passage." + +"I won," cried Betty. "No, we both of us did," she added, slipping her +hand into mine. + +That evening Diana told me that a few days before, she had heard the +following conversation between Hugh and Betty: + +"I am going to shoot my cock." + +"Hugh!" said Betty, "don't, it's a darlin' cock." + +"But it doesn't lay eggs," said Hugh. + +"I don't think cocks are supposed to lay eggs," said Betty thoughtfully. + +"Well, I don't see why they shouldn't," said Hugh; "widowers have +children." + + + + +Chapter IV + + +Suppose all aunts, that is to say, all professional aunt, know what it +is to be visited at seven o'clock in the morning by nephews and nieces, +fresh, vigorous, and rosy after a night's rest. Fresh, and oh! so +vigorous and deliciously rosy were Hugh and Betty when they appeared at +my bedside at seven o'clock the next morning. + +"Hullo!" said Hugh, "we've come. May we get into your bed? I'll get up +steam and take a long run and jump in. Shall I?" + +I braced myself up for the shock. There is no need to go through the +morning's program; I suppose every aunt knows it. Bears, camel-rides, +robbers, and various other things, all of a distinctly energetic nature. +At half past seven-you see it doesn't take long, any aunt can bear half +an hour--Nannie appeared, carrying a deliciously rosy Sara with her hair +done on the top, which makes her more than ever fascinating; and in +her arms she carried her bunny--Sara's arms, I mean, of course. "Nice +bunny," she said. + +"Who gave you your bunny?" I asked. + +"Jesus!" said Sara, triumphantly nodding her head and opening her eyes +very wide. "Jesus makes all ve bunnies, and all ve vitty dickey birds, +and all ve vitty fowers, and all ve big fowers and all ve ponge cakes, +and Yaya." + +"And what is Sara going to do with her bunny?" I asked. + +"Vuv it," she said with ecstasy. + +"Shall I leave her?" asked Nannie. + +"What a foolish question, Nannie!" I said. "Could any one send away a +blue dressing-be-gowned Sara?" + +"And shall I take the others, miss?" + +"Do," I replied. + +They went and left me in sole possession of Sara. + +"Shall I tell Sara a story?" I said. She nodded her head. + +"A storlie all about bunnies." + +So I began, "Once upon a time there was a big bunny." + +"A vitty bunny," said Sara. + +"A little bunny," I said. "Once upon a time there was a little bunny." + +"A velly, velly vitty bunny," said Sara. + +"Once upon a time there was a very, very little bunny," I repeated, +emphasizing the "very, very little," as Sara had done. She cuddled into +the bedclothes, evidently quite satisfied with the beginning as it now +stood. "And the very, very little bunny lived in a nice hole--" + +"A nice bed," said Sara, "a velly nice bed and not in a vitty bed, but +in a velly big bed, a velly, velly big bed with Aunt Woggles." + +"In a nice big bed with Aunt Woggles," I said, "and he was a very good +little bunny." + +At this Sara rose in the bed and looked at me very severely. + +"Did he say his palayers eberly day?" she asked. + +"No, not prayers, darling. Bunnies don't say prayers; children say +prayers." + +"Naughty bunnies!" said Sara with great severity. + +Dreading a religious discussion, which Sara loves, I proposed changing +the story to "The Three Bears." She acquiesced with jumps of joy up and +down, just where one would not choose to be jumped upon, and said, "Ve +felee belairs." + +Here I fared no better: my version of the story was so hopelessly wrong, +and I received such crushing correction at the hands of Sara, that I +was glad to relinquish my office of story-teller and suggested that she +should tell a story instead. + +This was evidently what she had wanted to do all along, for she began at +once. She tells a story very much as she says her prayers, at the same +terrific pace certainly. First of all she swallowed and took a deep +breath, then she began, "Vunce there was a vitty blush--and not a bad +nasty blush--it said its palayers ebery morning an nannie said good +girly an then the blush vent to sleep in a vitty bed with Yaya." + +"Go slower, darling," I said. "Aunt Woggles can't quite understand." + +"Yan--ven--Yaya--voke up ve vitty--belush said, 'Good-morning,' yan Yaya +said, 'Good-morning,' yan it was a nice bunny yan not a nasty bunny any +more." + +Here Sara's thoughts were distracted, and the story ended abruptly for +want of breath, or possibly of story. She refused to go on, and when +pressed said with great decision, "Dey's all dead." + +She then had her share of camel-rides and bears, and by the time Nannie +came I began to feel that I had earned my breakfast. I was one of the +first down, and Bindon was evidently waiting for me, because as I went +into the dining-room he took up his position behind a certain chair, +which action on his part plainly indicated that I was to sit there. +I wondered why. Could it be that I had arrived at the age when it is +advisable for a woman to sit back to the light at breakfast? Was this +only another instance of Bindon's devotion to us all? That the credit of +the family is paramount in his mind, I know! All this flashed through +my mind, but I saw a moment later that it was not of my complexion that +Bindon thought, for on a plate before the chair behind which he stood, +lay a small dark gray wad about the size of a five-shilling piece. I +hesitated, and Bindon said in an undertone, "Miss Betty made it." Not a +muscle of his face moved. + +I sat down and gazed at the awful result of my present to Betty. +The--what shall I call it?--was gray, as I said before; it had a +crisscross pattern on it, deeply indented, and snugly sunk in the middle +of it was a currant. I sighed. My duty as a professional aunt was clear: +had I not in a moment of weakness said I would eat anything Betty made, +provided it was a proper thing? Had I here a loophole of escape? No, it +was certainly, according to Betty's lights, a most proper thing. But why +does dough, in the hands of the cleanest child, become dark gray? + +Bindon, having done his duty by Betty, and not being able on this +occasion to do it by both of us, made no further explanation. Like the +first step, it is no doubt the first bite that costs most dearly; and +while I was pondering whether to take two bites or swallow it whole, Mr. +Dudley came in and sat down opposite me. He is a young man who thinks +that no woman he doesn't know can be worth knowing. When by force of +circumstances he comes to know a fresh one, he always tells her he feels +as if he had known her all her life, and talks of a previous existence, +and so gets over a difficulty. I felt that it was a tribute to Diana +that he treated me so kindly, and I earned his gratitude and commanded +his respect by refusing food at his hands. I said I liked helping myself +at breakfast. He insisted, however, on passing me the toast. This I felt +was apart from Diana altogether. + +After a few moments the little gray wad attracted his attention, and his +eyebrows expressed a wish to know what it was. + +"Betty made it," I said. + +"And what is it?" + +"I wonder!" I said. "I think it must come under the head of black +bread." + +"What are you going to do with it?" he asked. + +I answered, "Why, eat it, of course; only I can't make up my mind how. +What should you say, two bites or a swallow?" + +His interest was now thoroughly aroused; he had evidently never before +met an aunt professionally. He looked at me solemnly and said, "You are +going to eat that?" + +"I am an aunt, you see," said; "a professional aunt." + +"A what?" he asked. + +"A professional aunt," I answered. "You are an uncle, I suppose." + +"I am constantly getting wires to that effect, but I am hanged if I have +ever eaten mud-pies." + +"No, that is part of the profession," I said; "you see, I promised +Betty." + +Mr. Dudley relapsed into silence. I had given him food for reflection. + +Here Betty appeared, "not to eat anything," she carefully explained. +Hugh came next, followed a moment later by Sara, who was beside herself +with excitement, which was centered in the blue ribbon in her hair, to +which she had that morning been promoted. A red curl had become more +rebellious than its fellows, and it was tied up with a blue ribbon, in +the fashion beloved of young mothers. Diana dislikes any reference made +to poodles. + +"Yaya's got a ved vimvirn in her har," she announced. + +We all expressed the keenest interest and unbounded surprise. One very +well-meaning person put down his knife and fork and said he was too +surprised to eat any more breakfast; whereupon Hugh said, "You needn't +be so very funny, because Sara doesn't understand those sort of jokes." + +Whether Sara understood it or not, it seemed to encourage her to further +revelations, and she announced with bated breath, "Yaya's got ved +vimvims in her--" She opened her eyes very wide and nodded very +mysteriously, and was about to suit her actions to her words and +disclose the ribbons in question, when Diana, with a promptitude quite +splendid, administered a banana. Sara ate some with relish, paused, and +said in a loud voice, subdued by banana, "jormalies." She was not going +to be put off with a banana. + +Betty was very much shocked, and with a face of virtuous indignation +whispered in my ear, "Sara means-" I hastily stopped Betty because her +whispers are louder than Sara's loudest conversation and very much +more distinct. And after all there is everything in the way a word is +pronounced. Without any context I think "jormalies" might pass anywhere +as a perfectly right and proper word, to be used on any occasion. + +Hugh, too, had something to say on the absorbing topic of ribbons, +and on such a subject I thought he might safely be trusted. On what an +unsafe foundation is built the faith of an aunt! + +"Aunt Woggles," he said, "has got pink ribbons in her nightie; it's +lovely, and she doesn't do her hair in funny little things like--" + +Here David distracted Hugh's attention by telling him an absolute +untruth concerning a fox to be seen out of the window. The first of +April is the only day in the whole year on which the word "fox" won't +take him flying to the window. + +Betty, perhaps by way of changing the conversation, said, "You did eat +my cake, didn't you, Aunt Woggles?" + +"Of course I did, Betty." + +"Don't you believe it," said Mr. Dudley. + +"I always believe my Aunt Woggles," said Betty with infinite scorn. "Was +it nice, Aunt Woggles?" Mercifully she didn't wait for an answer, but +continued: "I lost the currant three times, but I found it all right. +I thought I had trodden on it, but I hadn't, because I looked on the +bottom of my shoe and it wasn't there. I did have lots of currants, only +when I dropped them Mungo ate them all up, except this one. He didn't +eat this one because I stopped him. I said, 'Drop it, Mungo!' and he +did. It was a good thing he didn't eat it, wasn't it? I made lines +across, did you see? All across the cake! I made those with a hairpin. +It was a good plan, wasn't it?" + +Somehow or other my breakfast had fallen short of my expectations. But +what I had lost in appetite I had perhaps gained in other ways, for I +had until then undoubtedly existed in the mind of Mr. Dudley only under +the shadow of Diana's charming personality. I now took my stand alone, +as the Aunt Woggles who ate mud-pies, I am afraid; but still it is +something to have a separate existence. Is it? + + + + +Chapter V + + +Diana's children are of a distinctly religious turn of mind. I think +most children are, and what wonderful, curious thing their religion +is! Looking back to my own childhood, I remember thinking, or rather +knowing, that the Holy Ghost was a Shetland shawl. We called our shawls +"comforters"; we wore them when we went to parties in the winter. "I will +not leave you comfortless," could mean nothing else. To complete the +illusion, we had in the nursery a picture of the Pentecost, the Holy +Ghost descending in the form of a cloudy substance, not unlike a +Shetland shawl. I was so sure that I was right, that I never thought of +asking any one. When I grew older and told my mother, she said, "But why +didn't you ask me, darling?" forgetting that when a child knows a thing +it never asks; when in doubt it will ask, but not when it knows. It is +a difficult and dangerous thing to shake a child's belief, and a +pity, too. For if we could all believe as simply as a child does, how +different it would make life! If Diana has a fault, it is that she +takes her children too seriously. She thinks it is wrong to tell them, +"Children should be seen and not heard," simply because they have asked +a question she can't answer. Aunts have been known to do it as a last +resource, on occasions of great danger. + +Hugh wants to know if God put in the quack before he made the duck. It +is difficult, isn't it, to answer that sort of question? + +On another occasion he asked Betty if God was alive. Betty, eager to +instruct, said, "My dear Hugh, God is a Spirit." + +"Then we can boil our milk on him." That was a poser for Betty. + +Diana was at a loss, too, when Hugh announced his intention of going to +Heaven. She asked him what he would do when he got there. I thought the +question a little unwise at the time. "Oh!" said Hugh, "stroll round +with Jesus, I suppose, and have a shot at the rabbits." + +Diana's position was a difficult one. It was this: if she told Hugh +there were no rabbits in Heaven, he wouldn't pray to go there; and if +she said there was no shooting in Heaven, Hugh would know for certain +that his father wouldn't want to go there, and it wouldn't do for Hugh +to think his father didn't want to go to Heaven. It was a difficulty, +but Hugh's Heaven was or is a very real and very happy place to him. It +is strangely like Hames; and isn't the home of every happy child very +near to Heaven? Surely it lies at its very gates, which we could see +if it was not for the mountains which intervene, those beautiful snow +mountains, which foolish grown-ups call clouds. + +Diana has come triumphantly out of situations more difficult, and she +will no doubt surmount those connected with the spiritual upbringing of +Hugh, Betty, and Sara. + +It is the custom of Diana to read the Bible every morning with her +children, and they resent any deviation from custom. + +After breakfast on the particular Sunday over which this shooting-party +extended, Hugh marched through the hall (where most of us were +assembled) with his Bible under his arm, followed by Betty, carrying +a smaller Bible. Hugh's seemed particularly cumbersome. He cast a +reproachful glance at his mother and her guests, and said to Betty, +"I will teach you, darling." + +Betty said, "Can you, Hugh?" and he said, "Rather!" + +Into the drawing-room he stumped, followed by the impressed Betty. + +"You may come, Aunt Woggles," he said, "if you don't talk." + +I promised not to talk, and sat down to write letters. + +Hugh sat down on the sofa and Betty plumped down beside him. She +carefully arranged her muslin skirts over her long black-stockinged +legs, and then told Hugh to begin. + +"What's it going to be about?" she asked. + +"All sorts of things," said Hugh grandly. "Perhaps about Adam and +Eve, and Jonah and the whale, and Samson and Elijah. Do you know the +diff'rence between Enoch and Elijah? That's the first thing." + +"No, I don't," said Betty reluctantly. + +"Well, darling, you must remember the diff'rence is that Enoch only +walked with God, but the carriage was sent for Elijah!" + +"Was it a carriage and pair, Hugh?" + +"More, I expect." + +"What next, Hugh?" + +"We'll just look until we find something." And Hugh opened the Bible. + +"It's upside down," whispered Betty. + +Hugh assumed the expression my spaniel puts on when he meets a dog +bigger than himself--an expression of extreme earnestness of purpose +combined with a desire to look neither to the right nor to the left, but +to get along as fast as he can. + +Hugh assumed an immense dignity and looked straight in front of him, +just to show Betty he was thinking and had not heard what she said, +while he turned the Bible round. + +"Go on, Hugh," said Betty humbly, feeling it was she who had made the +mistake. How often do men make women feel this! + +"Now, Betty," he said, "you must listen properly and not talk, because +it's a proper lesson, just like mother gives us when visitors aren't +here." A pause, then Hugh said in a very solemn voice, "You know, +darling, Jesus would have been born in the manger, but the dog in the +manger wouldn't let him!" + +I stole out of the room. + +"You don't disturb us, Aunt Woggles," called out Hugh; "you truthfully +don't." + +Hugh had evidently told all he knew, for in a few minutes he came out of +the drawing-room and joined us in the hall. "We've done!" he exclaimed; +"we've had our lesson all the same." + +"I am sorry, Hugh," said Diana. + +He slipped his hand in hers as a sign of forgiveness, and by way of +making matters quite right, I said, "You know, Hugh, mothers must look +after their guests. Their children are always with them, but friends +only occasionally." + +Why do aunts interfere? Retribution speedily follows. + +"Visitors are mostly always here," said Hugh plaintively. "When you have +children of your own, Aunt Woggles, then--" + +"A fox, a fox, Hugh!" cried some one. + +He rushed to the window. + +"That's two foxes today that weren't there when I looked," said Hugh; "I +shan't look next time." + +This was a desperate state of affairs; an attack might come at any time, +and we should have exhausted our ammunition. + +"The best thing," said Diana, "is for those who are going to church to +get ready." + +Betty and Hugh were of course going; Sara wanted to, but those in +authority deemed it wiser that she should wait till she was older. +This offended her very much, as did any reference to her age. But the +decision was a wise one: she prayed too fervently, she sang too lustily, +and she talked too audibly, to admit of reverent worship on the part of +the younger members of the congregation, and of the older ones, too, I +am afraid. + +One memorable Sunday she did go to church, as a great treat; and +when the hymn--"Peace, perfect peace" was given out, a beatific smile +illumined her face, and with her hymn-book upside-down she was preparing +to sing, when Diana said,--whispered rather--You don't know this, +darling." + +"Yes, I do, mummy, peace in the valley of Bong." + +Betty walked to church with me. "Aunt Woggles," she said, "you know the +gentleman in the Bible who lived inside the whale?" + +"Yes, darling," I said, "I do remember." My heart sank at the +difficulties presented by Jonah as gentleman. + +"Well," she said, "what dye suppose he did without candles in the dark +passages of the whale?" + +Betty evidently pictured the dark passages of the whale to be what +Haines used to be before electric light was installed. The whale, like +a house, must be modernized to meet the requirements of the day. When +Betty starts asking questions, she mercifully quickly follows one with +another, and does not wait for answers. The interior economy of the +whale suggested various trains of thought, and she went skipping along +beside me, or rather in front of me, propounding the most astounding +theories. I was quite glad when Mr. Dudley and Hugh caught us up. + +"You did come along fast, old man," said Mr. Dudley. + +"It wasn't me, it was you," panted Hugh. "It truthfully was, Aunt +Woggles, and he wasn't going to church at all till I told him you were +going. I'm awfully out of breath because he wanted to catch you up, so +it wasn't me all the time." + +I was sorry Hugh and Mr. Dudley had caught us up. + +Mr. Dudley murmured something about "Young ruffian," and I felt it my +duty as well as my pleasure to tell Hugh not to talk so much. + +"I 'sect you want to sit next my Aunt Woggles, don't you?" said Hugh +to Mr. Dudley; "but you can't, because I said, 'bags I sit next Aunt +Woggles in church' before she came to stay, ever so long before, +before two Christmases ago, I should think it was, or nearly before two +Christmases ago!" + +Betty's grasp on my hand tightened, and I returned it with a reassuring +pressure, as much as to say, "There are two sides to every aunt in +church, dear Betty; it is a comfort to know that." + +"I may sit next you, mayn't I?" + +"Yes, Betty," I said. + +"You are very rosy, Aunt Woggles," said Hugh. "Do you love my Aunt +Woggles?" he continued, dancing backward in front of Mr. Dudley. + +"Of course he does," I said boldly, taking the bull by the horns. +"Mr. Dudley loves even his enemies, especially on Sundays." + +Hugh looked puzzled, and pondered. Before he had come to any definite +conclusion as to how this affected Mr. Dudley's feelings towards me, we +reached the lichgate, where we found the rest of the party awaiting us. +We all separated: Diana took Betty, who gazed at me mournfully, but +was too loyal to her mother to say anything; Hugh gave a series of +triumphant jumps, which added pain to Betty's already disappointed +expression. + +In church I found myself allotted to what we call the overflow pew, +which is at right angles to the family pews and in full view of them. +It is the children's favorite pew only, I imagine, because they don't +always sit there. Hugh sat very close to me, and kept on giving little +wriggles and gazing up at me, then at Mr. Dudley, and snuggling closer +to me as if to emphasize the superiority of his position over that of +Mr. Dudley. + +"Hugh," I whispered, "you must behave." + +"He didn't sit next you, after all," he whispered. + +I say whispered, but must explain that Hugh's whisper is a very +far-reaching thing. He loves a victory. I hope that when he grows up he +will be a generous victor. He says he is going to be a dangerous man; I +can believe it. + +Betty, the vanquished one, stared solemnly in front of her, not deigning +to notice Hugh's triumph. What pleasure is there to children in sitting +next to some particular person in church? I remember, as a child, it was +a matter of earnest prayer during the week that on Sunday I might sit +next, some particular person in church. "And, O Lord, if it be for my +good, let me sit next the door." A child's religion is a very real thing +to him, and not only a Saturday-to-Monday thing. + +I looked at Betty's serious little face and wished that I could for one +moment read her thoughts. Her eyes, such lovely eyes, were fixed on +the preacher's face. What did his sermon convey to her? It was a +particularly uninteresting one, I remember, an appeal on behalf of the +curates' fund. Her eyes never left his face--such solemn, searching, +truthful eyes. I think a child like Betty should not be allowed to go +to church on such occasions, for what is the use of preaching against +matrimony on the one hand, and that, I suppose, is what the moral of +such a sermon should be,--and on the other hand holding up an incentive +to matrimony in the very alluring shape of Betty? For, personally, I +think Betty would be a very wonderful possession for any curate to have. + +Hugh was growing restless and I was bearing the brunt of it. Nannie, +feeling for me, leaned over from the back pew and said, "Don't rest your +head on your Aunt Woggles." + +"I came to church on purpose to rest my head on my Aunt Woggles's +chest," said Hugh, again in what he calls a whisper. A moment later, he +asked, "Is it done?" + +It was, and he jumped up. + +"May I sit next you next Sunday, Aunt Woggles?" he said, so soon as we +got outside the church door. + +"No, Hugh," I said. + +"I bet I do, all the same," he said. + +"Aunt Woggles," said Betty, as we walked home, "I collect for the +prevention of children; do you suppose Mr. Dudley would give me a +penny?" + +"I am sure he would, darling, but it is the prevention of cruelty to +children--the prevention of cruelty." + +"That's such a long thing to say, Aunt Woggles, don't you suppose he +would understand if I did say it a little wrong?" + +"Perhaps, darling, but it is always best to say things right." + +"Yes, I will, but I was only supposing, supposing I didn't." + +At luncheon Diana cautioned Betty against swallowing a fish-bone. "You +might die, darling, if you did." + +"Then I shall swallow every single bone I can," announced Betty. + +"But, darling," said Diana, "why do you say that? You don't want to die. +You are quite happy, aren't you?" + +"Yes, I'm very happy, but I want to die, all the same." + +"Oh, darling, don't say that," said Diana; "there is a great deal for +you to do in this world before you die." + +"Yes, but you see, darling," said Betty, "if I don't die soon, I shall +be too old to sit on Jesus' knee." + +Diana is very particular about the children's manners, and Hugh came +face to face with a great difficulty a moment later, over his ginger +beer. "If I don't say I thank you, mother doesn't like it, and if I do +say I thank you, Bindon stops pouring." + + + + +Chapter VI + + +In answer to a really desperate telegram from Zerlina, I left Hames +hurriedly, and arrived at Zerlina's, to find her out and all the +children apparently well. I was shown upstairs into the drawing-room. In +Diana's house I am never "shown" anywhere; however, in Zerlina's I am, +so it is no use discussing that question. The drawing-room into which I +was shown was empty of furniture except for the sofas and chairs which +were arranged round the room against the wall. As Zerlina's room does +not err as a rule on the side of emptiness, I realized that there was +going to be a party. I felt like the child who said, "There's been a +wedding, I smell rice!" One knows these things by instinct. + +The butler solemnly informed me that there was going to be a party, and +that Miss Hyacinth would be down in a moment. + +I thought it odd that Zerlina should have said nothing about a party; +but then she never says anything about measles, or whooping-cough, or +re-painting rooms, until I am within the doors and unable to escape. I +remembered she had urged me on this occasion to come early. I sat down +on a sofa and sadly fixed my gaze on the parquet floor. How different +had been my arrival at Hames! My conscience smote me. I had no train, no +cooking stove, no woolly rabbit in my box. But then neither was there +a Hugh, Betty, and Sara. At Hames should I have sat in the drawing-room? +Never! Of course I know what some people will say: that it is my fault; +if I had treated the children as I treated Betty, Hugh, and Sara, it +would have made all the difference; but it wouldn't, really. It is, the +mother of the children who makes the difference; it is her attitude to +the aunt which is adopted by the children. If Diana had been out, +the house would have resounded with shrieks for Aunt Woggles. But in +Zerlina's house children never shriek, people never rush to the nursery. +The children are always tidied before they are brought down to see me. + +Of course some people will again say, "Quite right"; and it is quite +right that for such people they should be tidied; but do those people +realize what a wall tidiness builds between child and grown-up? Have +they ever thought what a boy feels when his mother comes down to see him +at school and the first thing she does when he comes into the room is +to say that his collar is dirty, or that his hands want washing? At +that moment, perhaps, she lays the first brick in the wall which builds +between mother and son. He is a happy boy and she a blessed mother who +stand always with no wall between them. All a boy demands of his mother +when she comes to see him at school is that she shall behave just +like other people, and that she shall dress properly. If she can be +beautiful, so much the better: it will redound enormously to his credit. +Boys are very sensitive about their belongings, but when praise can +be bestowed they bestow it, as in the case of Tommy, who wrote to his +father, who had been down to the school to play in a match, Fathers +against Sons, "Dear father, you did look odd, but you made the second +biggest score." + +While I was pondering over these things, the door opened and my niece +Hyacinth came in. + +"Hullo!" she said; "mum's out." + +"So I hear," I said; "won't you kiss me?" + +"Oh! I forgot," she said, twirling round on one leg and holding out a +cheek to be kissed. "There's going to be a party to it." + +"So I see," I said; "what sort of a party?" + +"Oh! it's the end-up of the dancing class, four to seven; that's why mum +asked you to come early." + +"She isn't in yet?" I asked innocently. + +"Oh! she's not coming," said Hyacinth, raising her eyebrows and +laughing; "she always has something to do on dancing days. The Frauleins +get on her nerves. They sit all round the room." + +And Hyacinth indicated the position of the Frauleins with a sweep of her +arm. + +"What time is it now?" I asked. + +"Half past three," she said; "I'm ready." + +"I'm not," I said savagely. + +I went upstairs, vowing vengeance on Zerlina. I could have shaken +Hyacinth, poor child, and why? Because her legs were too long, or her +skirts too short, or the bow in her hair too large? What a disagreeable, +cross-grained professional aunt I was! Or did I miss the hug Hyacinth +might have given me? + +I was only just ready when the children began to arrive. I flew +downstairs and found not only children in every shape and form, but +mothers in big hats and trailing skirts, and Frauleins in small hats and +skirts curtailed, mademoiselles and nannies. The nannies I handed over +to the nursery department, and the mothers and the Frauleins and the +mademoiselles I arranged in a dado round the room, making inappropriate +remarks to each in turn. No surprise was expressed at the absence of +Zerlina. + +The children began to dance. There was a particularly painstaking little +boy in a white silk shirt and black velvet knickerbockers, very tight in +places, who danced assiduously, looking neither to the right nor to the +left. "Right leg, To-mus, left leg, To-mus!" came in stentorian tones +from a Fraulein in the corner, who suited her actions to her words by +the uplifting of the leg corresponding to that recommended to Tomus's +consideration, and bringing it down with emphasis on the parquet floor. + +By the sudden quickening of leg-action on the part of my painstaking +friend, I knew him to be Tomus, and by that only, so many of the boys +looked as if they might be Tomus. The real Tomus asserted himself +manfully, however, by using the exactly opposite leg to that ordered by +Fraulein. I liked this spirit of independence, and determined to make +friends with him so soon as that dance should be over. I took the +liberty of introducing myself; he made no remark but took me by the hand +and led me out on to the landing, and there he found two chairs in the +orthodox position. Into one of these he wriggled himself by a backward +and upward movement, and I sat in the other. How absurdly easy it is for +a grown-up to sit down! I waited for Thomas to make a remark; I might be +waiting still, if I had not made a beginning. He looked at me under his +eyelashes, and tried not to smile. It was an effort, I could see, and I +could tell just where the dimples would come. When the effort became too +great and the dimples asserted themselves beyond recall, he looked +away and put out a minute portion of his tongue. Having done that, he +subsided into grave self-possession. + +I began to feel embarrassed, and asked him how old he was. He smiled. +"Do you like dancing, Thomas?" I said. + +He looked away, and every time I addressed him he seemed to retreat +farther into his chair, until I had fears that he would disappear +altogether from my sight. His waist-line seemed to be the +vanishing-point. I made no further effort, and relapsed into silence. +Thomas continued to gaze at me and smile. At last he extended a fat +little hand, uncurled one by one four soft little fingers, and revealed, +lying in his palm, a short screw. It was evidently his greatest +treasure, for the moment. + +"Is that for me, Thomas?" I asked. "Nope," he said, shaking his head. + +"Is it your very own?" + +"Yeth," said Thomas, drawing in his breath. He shut his little hand, put +out his tongue just the smallest bit, and became serious and silent. + +"Is it a present?" I asked. Having got so far, it seemed a pity not +to go on. He had done me the greatest honor that a small boy can do a +woman, which, by the way, was what our Nannie said when she told us that +a strange man had proposed to her on a penny steamboat. + +Thomas shook his head and said, "Nope." + +"Did you find it?" I asked. + +He nodded. "I always find fings," he said. + +Beyond that I could get nothing out of him. I have not often sat out +with a more embarrassing partner. To be continually stared at and +never spoken to would, I think, make the boldest woman shy. There was +a stolidity about Thomas that promised well for England's future. There +was a steady resistance from attack that was really admirable; but I was +not altogether sorry when Fraulein pounced upon him. As she led him off +I heard him say, "Parties do last a long time, don't they, Leilein?" + +Having lost Thomas, I sought a new partner. A tall, fair girl with +wide, gray eyes, a pink-and-white complexion, a beautiful mouth, and a +delicately refined nose, interested me, as I imagine she has continued +to do every one who has met her. She reminded me of spring, with birds +singing and flowers flowering and trees bursting, just as Diana does. +As it was quite the correct thing for girls to dance with one another, I +made so bold as to ask her for a dance. With the timidity of a boy just +out of Etons, or perhaps I should say, of a shy boy just out of Etons, I +approached her. "Right-o," she said, "let's see." + +She puckered her penciled eyebrows and studied her program. "The third +after the two next?" + +She bowed gravely, and I said, "Thank you." I felt very young and +inexperienced as I returned the bow. + +"That's all right," she said. "Where shall I find you? It doesn't +matter, I shall know you again"; and she had the audacity to write on +her program, for I saw her do it, "white dress, red hair." + +She was borne off by a triumphant boy, who looked at me as much as to +say, "You're jolly well sold if you think you are going to nab this +dance." + +I asked a hungry-looking boy with many freckles who she was. "Oh! that's +Dolly," he said; "she is a flyer, isn't she?" + +"Dolly who?" I asked. + +"Oh! just Dolly; that does." He looked away, looked back, hesitated, +and swallowed. I, feeling that he perhaps needed the assistance a man +sometimes requires of a woman, encouragement, smiled at him. + +"You wouldn't dance this, I suppose?" he said. + +"Certainly," I answered. + +We danced. He was a nice boy, very much in earnest, very much afraid of +tiring me, very much afraid of letting me go, too shy to stop, until I +suggested it, for which act of consideration he seemed grateful. + +He told me he had five brothers, all older than himself; that he never +had new trousers, always the other boys' cut down; that he liked school; +wanted a bicycle more than anything in the world--of his very own, of +course; wanted a pony of his very own; wanted a dog of his very own. He +hadn't anything of his very own. + +I said I supposed he thought his eldest brother very lucky. + +"Because of the trousers?" he asked. + +I said, "Well, yes, I suppose he has the new ones." + +"Well," he said, "you see he doesn't. That's the chowse of the whole +thing. He is the eldest, but you see Dick's the biggest, so he gets the +new trousers. It is hard, isn't it?" + +I said it was indeed. + +"The best of it is," he said, "I am catching jackup. He is in an awful +wax. I shouldn't be surprised if I were bigger than him next holidays. +Do you like dancing? I simply loathe it--not with you, I don't mean I." + +He told me many other confidences, and I was really sorry when he +remembered, with an evident pang, that he had to dance with that "rum +little kid over there." + +I was quite certain that he would never break a promise. I could picture +him going through life always keeping promises, rashly made, no doubt. +I wondered what he would talk to girls about at dances years +hence--trousers? Hardly. By that time he would have trousers of his very +own, and they would cease, in consequence, to be things of interest. + +He would be a soldier--of that I could have no doubt. He was the kind of +boy England wants and can still get, thank God! say pessimists what they +will. + +While I was awaiting my Dolly dance, I came upon a small, disconsolate +boy. + +"I'm looking for an empty partner," he said. + +I captured a passing girl, very small, and they danced away together. +The boy I could see was very energetic, the girl was very small and fat. +As they passed me I heard her say, "I--can't--go--so--fast!" + +"Very sorry," said the small boy, "but I must keep up with the music." + +Dolly found me. "I think I had better dance gentleman," she said; "I +think I am as tall as you." With a tremendous effort she drew her slim +figure to its full height, and, gazing up into my face she had the +audacity to say, "Yes, I do just look down upon you; anyhow, men +aren't always taller than girls. My cousin says so, and she goes to +dances--heaps--and she is six foot." + +We started off, I felt at once, on a perilous course. "You see," she +said, "I had better--steer--because" (bump we went into somebody), +"because--I dance once a week--always" (crash), "sometimes oftener--so +I get--plenty of practice" (bang) "in steering, and that helps. I love +dancing--don't you? Oh, that's all right--it's--only--the stupid--old +mantelpiece--I always go into that--it sticks out so--doesn't it? It is +hard--rather!" + +Dolly was a flyer and no mistake. I was brought to a standstill at last +by colliding with Thomas's Fraulein. + +"It's all right," said Dolly generously, "you didn't hurt us!" + +Fraulein was hurled on to a sofa and made no remark. She gave up +temporarily the management of Thomas's left leg. + +"Shall we sit out?" said Dolly. "It is hot, isn't it?" + +She fanned herself with a very small program and tossed her hair back +from her face. It was such lovely hair. + +"Hair is beastly stuff, isn't it?" she said. "Wouldn't you love to be +a boy? Oh, I promised mother not to say I 'beastly'; that's one of the +things I would like to be a boy for, because boys may do such an awful +lot of things." + +I soon found out that Dolly liked boys better than girls. + +She loved horses and dogs. + +She hated and detested bearing-reins. + +She didn't want to come out. + +She thought grown-ups silly, except some-- + +She loved the country and strawberry ice. + +She hated dull lessons, and I very soon discovered that there were none +other than dull. + +She collected stamps. + +She longed to have a pet monkey or a brother, she didn't much mind +which. + +At the mention of brothers I looked down at Dolly's slim legs, clothed +in fine black silk stockings, at the valenciennes lace on her muslin +frock, and I imagined that if she had any brothers, the younger ones +would be quite likely to have started life in trousers of their own. +Yes, Dolly looked like it. I learned a great deal from her in the time +it had taken me to get "yeth" and "nope" out of Thomas. + +The energetic boy who had been obliged to keep up with the music at all +costs, the little fat girl's in particular, came up to me, and said in +an aggrieved voice, "Miss Daly has spoilt my program; she can't write, +and she has written big D's all over it. Will you write me out a fresh +one?" + +Which I, of course, did. Really it was very careless of Miss Daly. + +The children danced hard, with intervals for tea and refreshment; and +as seven o'clock struck, there was a transformation scene. With +conscientious punctuality the party-dressed children turned, into little +or big woolen bundles, as the case might be. The last bundle I saw was a +pink woolen one, weeping bitterly. My heart was wrung. The noisy crying +of a child is bad enough, but when it is the soft weeping of a broken +heart, it is unbearable. Of course it was my friend Thomas. I stood on +the staircase unable to do anything, for he was quickly borne from the +arms of Fraulein by a big footman, and no doubt deposited in a brougham +in the outer darkness. Poor Thomas! + +I hoped that the right sort of mother would be at home to unroll that +pink bundle, a mother who would pretend that it could not be her darling +who was crying, but a strange little boy with a face quite unknown to +her. Where could he have come from? And so on, until Thomas would be +ashamed to be seen with a strange face, and would smile, and then his +mother would say, "What is it, my darling?" because, of course, it was +her own darling who was crying, and she would never rest till she knew +why. + +I went back to the drawing-room quite happy that Thomas should be +unrolled by the right sort of mother, and as I walked across the room, +my foot slipped on something. I looked to see what it was I had trodden +on. It was a short screw, Thomas's precious possession. "That was why +the poor pink bundle was crying!" + +"Hyacinth," I said, "who was Thomas?" + +"Which one? There was little Thomas and the Thomas who lives a long way +off, and then just plain Thomas." + +"I mean the fat little Thomas who danced so hard." + +"Oh! that's the little Thomas," said Hyacinth. + +"Where does he live?" I asked. + +"Oh, quite close; when we go to tea there we walk. He hasn't got a +mother, so there's no drawing-room. She died," added Hyacinth, as if it +was an every-day occurrence that Thomas should be left without a mother, +instead of its being a heart-breaking tragedy. A child with no mother, +no mother to unwrap the pink bundle, no mother to grieve for the screw, +no mother to understand things. Perhaps his mother had been a Diana sort +of mother. + +"Oh, Thomas," I thought, "I must send you back your screw." I didn't +care what any one said--he should have it. + +If he had had a mother, it wouldn't have mattered, because she would +have known it was a screw he had lost, and she would have known just +what comfort he would have needed; whereas a Fraulein would know nothing +about a screw, beyond the German for it, and the gender, of course. And +of what use is that to a child? It may sound very unconventional, and I +suppose it was so, to go to a strange house and ask for Thomas, and my +only excuse a small screw. But still I went! + +I pictured a lonely child in a large house with a Fraulein and a nurse, +perhaps two; those I could face. A tall, sad father I had never thought +of! I am afraid I am not suited for the profession, I am too impulsive. + +I rang the bell. The door was opened by a solemn man-servant, who did +not show the surprise he must have felt when I asked for Master Thomas. +Another, still more solemn, showed me into a downstairs room. I refused +to give my name, and a very large, serious Thomas rose from a chair as I +was ushered in, "A lady to see Master Thomas." So my errand was in part +explained, but the part left to tell was by far the most difficult. If +only Thomas had lost anything but a screw! No father could be expected +to know how it had been treasured. Supposing Thomas had been crying +because he had a pain, which sometimes comes to children after tea? +Supposing he hadn't been crying for his screw at all? Supposing he +repudiated all knowledge of it? + +But here I was, screw in hand, and my story to tell. I told it. I was +grateful to the tall, sad Thomas for being so solemn, and not even +smiling, when I mentioned the screw. He said he was very grateful for my +kindness, and he went so far as to say he was sure Thomas had valued the +screw. + +While some one was coming, for whom he had rung, he told me that when he +had taken Thomas to the Zoo, the only thing which he was really excited +about was the mouse in the elephant's house! Somehow or other that +little story put me at my ease, for it showed that the big Thomas at +least understood in part the mind of a child. + +A nurse, not sad-looking I was glad to see, came in answer to the bell, +and the big Thomas asked if the little Thomas had lost a screw? In that +I was disappointed, the best nurse in the world might not know of a +screw. But the big Thomas did not wait to hear; he was sure the little +Thomas had, and he said we were coming upstairs to restore it to him. Of +course I had said by this time that I was Zerlina's sister-in-law. + +We went upstairs, I following the tall Thomas, past the drawing-room, +past that bedroom whose door I knew was closed. A mother's bedroom is +nearly always in the same place in a London house, a child blindfolded +could find it, and the handle of a mother's door is always within the +reach of the smallest child; and so easily does it turn, that the door +opens at the slightest pressure of the smallest fingers. + +Up we went to Thomas's own bedroom. There in his bed he sat, no longer +crying, but still sad and solemn, with evidences in his face of a sorrow +that rankled. He smiled when he saw me, too much of a gentleman to show +any surprise at seeing me in his bedroom. + +"Thomas," I said, "I have brought you back your screw which you lost." I +put it in his outstretched hand, and a smile rippled all over his face. + +Suddenly from out the darkness came a stentorian voice, "Right hand, +Tomus!" It was Fraulein! Thomas put out his right hand, and I, putting +aside all convention, gave him a real "Sara hug" for the sake of that +mother whose door was closed. It then began to dawn upon me how very +unconventional it was of me to be hugging a comparatively strange child, +in a perfectly strange house, and I hastily said good-night to the +small Thomas and the big Thomas, nurses and Fraulein, and literally ran +downstairs, followed of course by the big Thomas. At the foot of the +stairs I ran into the arms of Mr. Dudley. + +His exclamation of "Aunt Woggles" was involuntary, I felt sure, and he +had every right to visit a sad, tall Mr. Thomas. But I thought Diana +ought to have told me that I was likely to meet him at--Well, a +stranger's house; so how could she? The only thing that consoled me was +that in all probability Mr. Dudley would explain my profession in +life, and that I had a screw loose. Yes, that would exactly explain the +position. Otherwise I didn't exactly know how he could describe me. + +Well, Zerlina of course said I was mad. She didn't agree with me that +the screw could not possibly have been sent back in an envelope with a +few words of explanation. She said she would have bought a nice toy for +the child. What's the good of a toy to a child when he has lost a screw +which he found his very own self, any more than a squeaking rabbit is +to a child who has a "lubbly blush"? That was a lesson I had lately +learned. + +I didn't say all that to Zerlina, because, you see, she is a mother, and +I couldn't understand these things. She was very much surprised at being +late for the party, so surprised. She was full of apologies. + +It was so good of me to help her! Had the darling children enjoyed +themselves? + +I said, yes, they had, and the adorable mothers, and the delicious +Frauleins, and the heavenly mademoiselles. At this Zerlina looked a +little pained, and I was sorry I was cross, but I felt her want of +sympathy for Thomas. But then she had never passed that closed door. + + + + +Chapter VII + + +As a professional aunt must live somewhere, if only to simplify the +delivery of telegrams, it is as well perhaps to explain where I live and +why. The answer to the where, is London, and to the why, because it +is the best place for all professionals to live in. Many were the +suggestions that I should live in the country. Careful relatives and +good housewives saw a chance of cheap and fresh eggs, cheap and large +chickens, and cheap and freshly gathered vegetables, which showed, in +the words of Dr. Johnson, a triumph of hope over experience, for I have +always found that there are no eggs so dear as those laid by the hens of +friends, no chickens so thin as those kept by relatives, no vegetables +so expensive as those grown by acquaintances. But a professional aunt +would of course be expected to make special terms, although her hens, +like those of other people, would eat corn, and railways would charge +just the same for carrying her goods, whether they were consigned to +sisters-in-law or not, and the expense of the carriage is the reason +invariably given why things are so dear when bought from friends. +Friends, too, have a way of sending chickens with their feathers on, +whereas the chickens one knows by sight, laid in rows in poulterers' +shops, have no association with feathers. Don't you dislike the country +friend who asks you to spend a night, and then tells you at breakfast +that the pillow you slept on was filled with the feathers of departed +hens known and loved by her? + +Then there was Nannie, and my living in London added a great importance +to her position. She became at once chaperon, housekeeper, counselor, +and friend. It was a great joy to her to think that she shielded me +from the dangers of London; and she would willingly have fetched me +from dinners and parties generally, and saw nothing incongruous in the +announcement, "Miss Lisle's nurse is at the door." + +"Not that I should be at the door," said Nannie; "I never go anywhere +but what I am asked inside and treated as such." Nannie still thinks of +us as children, and will continue to do so, no doubt until she who has +rocked so many babies to sleep shall herself be enfolded in the arms of +Mother Earth--and tenderly bidden to sleep. + +Personally I had a leaning toward a flat, so many of my friends told me +of the joys of shutting it up when one goes away, which, by the way, I +find they never, or very rarely, do. But Nannie didn't hold with flats. +It is curious what things people don't hold with. After reading of a +terrible murder in a railway carriage, I cautioned my little housemaid, +who was going home one Sunday, to be careful not to be thrown out of +a window. She replied, "I don't hold with girls who are thrown out of +windows." + +Well, Nannie didn't hold with flats. To please me and to show her +open-mindedness, she went with me to look at flats, but there was a +tactless integrity about her criticism. I discovered that she judged of +everything from a nursery point of view; and when I ventured to suggest +that, as there were no children, a nursery was not of very great +importance, she said, "You never can tell." In this instance I felt I +could most distinctly tell, and wondered whether I might too tell Nannie +of something I didn't hold with. But I didn't. I remember once long ago +one of us asking Nannie if any one could have children without being +married, and Nannie answered in a very matter of fact voice, "They can, +dear, but it's better not." Anyhow, she didn't hold with flats. "There's +the porters for one thing," she said. That, of course, settled it, and +we looked at small houses. + +"I suppose you will get married one of these days," she said, as we +stood on a doorstep waiting to be let in. + +"Perhaps no one will have me," I said. + +"Well, they might; people marry you least expect to. Look at Maria +Dewberry; you would never have--" + +The door opened, or we will presume so, as my knowledge of Maria's +movements after her surprising marriage is nil. + +Looking over houses is not without excitement, and certainly not without +surprises; but I was spared the experience some unknown person had who +came one day to see our house when we all lived in London, but happened +to be away. Having a house in the country, we very often did let the +London house, which accounts for the agent's mistake. + +One day, just as Archie was going out, he found on the doorstep a +charming lady with a very pretty daughter. + +"May we see over the house?" she asked. + +"Certainly," said Archie. + +He showed them all over the house, from cellar to garret. He says he +initiated them into the mysteries of the dark cupboard, and he says he +showed them everything of historic interest in the family. The daughter, +he vows, was tremendously interested. When they had seen everything and +Archie had brought them back to the hall, the charming mother said, "And +when is the house to let?" + +"Oh! it's not to let," said Archie. + +He says he assured them it was no trouble at all, etc.! + +In every small house we went, Nannie trudged laboriously up to the +top, and I heard her murmuring, "Night, day," as she went backward and +forward, from one room to the other. At last we found a small house in +Chelsea of which she thoroughly approved. She couldn't exonerate the +agent from all blame in saying that there were views of the river from +the window. "Not but what there might be if we, leaned out far enough, +but we can't because of the bars." It was the very bars that had +attracted her in the first instance, from the outside. Bars meant a +nursery. Iron bars may not make a cage, but they undoubtedly make a +nursery. + +She stood at the top window and looked out on the green trees, and a +blackbird was obliging enough, at that very moment, to sing a love-song. +Perhaps it was about nurseries, and Nannie understood it; at all events +she decided there and then to take the house. "Of course," she said, "I +know there's no nursery wanted, but I don't hold with houses that can't +have nurseries in them, if they want to." That gave me an idea! It came +like a flash. Nannie should have her nursery! + +Of course this all happened some years ago, when the home at Hames was +broken up. With the help of Diana I managed it beautifully. It was kept +a dead secret. Diana collected, or rather allowed me to collect, all the +things Nannie had specially loved in the home nursery, which I am sure +cost Diana a pang, as she was very anxious her children should abide by +tradition and grow up among the things their father had loved as a boy; +but she sent them all, even the rocking-horse, to me for my nursery. + +The walls I had papered just as our nursery had been papered. Even the +old kettle was rescued from oblivion, and stood on the hob. It was +so old that any jumble sale would have been pleased to have it. The +kettle-holder hung on the wall, with its cat on a green ground, which +had been lovely in the day of its youth. One of us had worked it; Nannie +of course knew which. The tea-set was there with its green, speckled +ground. + +But while all this was being arranged, Nannie had a very bad time. It +was not for long, certainly, but she said it was pretty bad while it +lasted. To insure the complete secrecy of our nursery plan, we arranged +that she should go to Hames while we were doing it all, never thinking +of what she would feel on going into the Hames nursery and finding all +her treasures gone, and finding another woman reigning in her place; for +all through our grown-up years the nursery had been left for Nannie as +it had been when we were children. The nurse in her place hurt most. + +"'Mrs.' here and 'Mrs.' there, certificated and teaching. It's all very +well, but I'm not sure they don't go too far in this teaching business. +No amount of teaching will--Well, it's there, so what's the use? I +expect Eve knew how to handle Cain right enough." + +"He wasn't very well brought up, though, Nannie," I said. + +"Poor child!" said Nannie. "How do we know it wasn't Abel's fault? He +may have been an aggravating child; some are born so, and I've seen a +child, many a time, go on at another till he's almost worried him +into a frenzy just saying, 'I see you,' over and over again, does +it sometimes. Children will do it, of course; besides, there were no +commandments then, and you can't expect children to do right without +rules and regulations. That's all discipline is, rules and regulations, +which is commandments, so to speak." + +"You think, then, Nannie," I said, "that Eve forgot to tell Cain not to +kill Abel?" + +"Well," said Nannie, "Eve had a lot to do; we can't blame her. She must +have had a lot to do. Think what a worry Adam must have been: he had no +experience, no nothing; he couldn't be a help to a woman, brought up as +he was, always thinking of himself as first, as of course he was! Now, +there's Parker--he is a good husband: he rolls the beef on Sunday to +save Mrs. Parker trouble, and prepares the vegetables; he is a good +husband, no trouble in the house whatsoever. He never brings in dirt, +Mrs. Parker says, wipes his feet ever so before he comes, on the finest +day just the same." + +I thought the comparison a little hard on Adam, but still I didn't say +so, and Nannie reverted to the modern nurse, after informing me that men +and horses were sacred beasts! + +"Well, about nurses, 'Mrs.' before a nurse's name doesn't soothe a +fretful child, nor make her more patient or loving. It might make her +less patient, if she took to wishing the 'Mrs.' was real instead of +sham; some women are like that, all for marrying. I dare say," said +Nannie, when going over her experiences, "my face did look blank when I +missed all my treasures, but f said nothing, although it was a blow when +I thought of all the lovely times you had had with that rocking-horse. +You remember the hole in it? Well, that was cut out solid because of all +the things that were inside that rocking-horse; almost all the things +that had been lost for years we found in that horse. My gold chain, for +one thing, to say nothing of other things. The tail came out, and that +is how the things got lost. The boys, always up to mischief, just popped +anything they came across down that hole and put in the tail again, so +no one knew anything about it. Well, then, your father lost something +very special, I forget what, and there was a to-do! And Jane said she +believed there was a power of things down that rocking-horse, so we got +Jane's sister's young man, who was a carpenter, or by way of being, +to come and cut out a square block out of the underneath--well, the +stomach--of that horse--and then we found things! Things we had lost +for years. Then we put the block back, and no one would have noticed +particularly, not unless they had looked. Well, that's what I missed, +the rocking-horse, but still I said nothing. Then we had tea out of new +cups, and still I said nothing, because tea-cups will get broken, and +you can't expect young girls to take care of cups like we did. The +kettle-holder was gone! Then Mrs. David came in. Oh! she is lovely and +like your mother in some ways,--the ways of going round and speaking +to every one,--and she laid her hand on Betty's head, just as I've seen +your mother do a hundred times on yours, and that was hard to bear. +Anyhow, it's a good thing it wasn't some one else who got Hames. There +'s that to be thankful for. It begins with 'Z,' you know." + +"Nannie!" I said. + +"Z for Zebra," said Nannie. + +When the new nursery was all ready, Nannie was sent for. A dozen times +that day I ran up that narrow staircase, and in the morning I laid the +tea to see how it would look, and it looked so pretty that I left it. +At four o'clock the fire was lighted and the kettle was put on to boil. +Nannie drove up in a four wheeler. I was in the hall to meet her. +She lingered to look at everything. She went round and round the +dining-room, up to the drawing-room, even into the spare room, but no +word of nursery. "Which is my room?" she said. + +"It's upstairs," I said. "Won't you come and look at it?" + +"There's no hurry, is there, miss?" + +I could see it was the nursery floor she dreaded. + +"Well, there is rather a hurry, Nannie," I said. "I am so anxious to see +if you like all the house." + +At last I got her upstairs. I threw open the nursery door. It was too +sudden, no doubt. At the sight of the kettle, the rocking-horse, the +tea-set, she burst into tears. + +"Dear, dear Nannie," I said, "it is your own nursery; it's all from +Hames." + +She paused in her sobs. "The robin mug's wrong," she said, and she +moved it to the opposite side of the table; "he always sat there." "He" +applied to a little brother who had died, not to the mug. + +"It's a very small nursery, Nannie," I said apologetically. + +"Well, there are no children to make it untidy," she answered. + +So Nannie and I settled down in our nursery, and through the darkening +of that first evening she talked to me of my mother. It seems to me very +wonderful how one woman can so devotedly love the children of another, +but was it not greatly for the love of that other woman that Nannie +loved us so much? It is her figure, I know, that Nannie sees when she +shuts her eyes and re-peoples the nursery in her dreams,--that lovely +mother, the center of that nursery and home; that mother so quick to +praise, so loath to blame, so ready to find good in everything, so +tender to suffering, so pitiful to sin! + +"Tell me about her when she was quite young, Nannie," I said. + +And Nannie talked on, telling me the stories I knew by heart and loved +so dearly; and then, I remember, she started up. + +"What is it, Nannie?" I asked. + +"I thought she was calling," she replied; "I often seem to hear her +voice." + +Dear Nannie! I believe she is ready to answer that call at any moment, +for all the love of her new nursery. + +That is how I came to live in London. + + + + + +Chapter VIII + + +Most people, I imagine, who live in London are asked by their relatives +and friends who live in the country to shop for them. My post is often + nothing more upsetting than on a very hot summer's morning, or a wet +winter's one, to find an envelope on my plate, or beside it, addressed +in Cousin Anastasia's large handwriting. "Dearest," the letter inside +it begins, "if" (heavily underlined) "you should be passing Paternoster +Row, will you choose me a nice little prayer-book, without a cross +on it, please; people tell me they are cheaper there than elsewhere, +prayer-books, I mean, for Jane, who is going to be confirmed. She +is such a nice clean girl. I do hope she will be as clean after her +confirmation, but one never can tell. In any case I feel I ought to give +her something, and a prayer-book, under the circumstances, seems the +most suitable thing." + +Jane, I remember, is a kitchen-maid. Of course I never pass Paternoster +Row, but that to a country cousin of Anastasia's mental caliber is not +worth consideration. She has no knowledge of geography, London's or +otherwise, and is doubtless one of those people who think New Zealand is +another name for Australia. + +On another occasion she writes to say that Martha, the head housemaid, +"such an excellent servant," (all heavily under lined), who has been +with them seventeen years, is going to marry a nice, clean widower with +six children. She must give her a nice present; "nice" is underlined +several times. She has heard that in the Edgeware Road there are to be +had, complete in case, for three-and-sixpence, excellent clocks. She +doesn't know the name of the shop, but she believes it begins with "P," +and if I could look in as I pass, she would be most grateful. As will be +guessed, Anastasia is a wealthy woman with no sense of humor. She knows +she has none, and she says she doesn't know what rich people want it +for. Of course for poor people it is an excellent thing, because it +enables them to look at the bright side of things; but as Anastasia's +things, life in particular, are bright on all sides, she doesn't need +that particular sense. + +Then there is another country cousin she is so sweet and diffident about +asking me to do anything, that I feel I ought willingly to look into +every shop window in the Edgeware Road beginning with "P" or any other +letter, however wet or hot the day! And I am not sure that I wouldn't! +Her writing is as meek as Anastasia's is aggressive, and she never +descends to the transparency of an underlined "if." She says, would I +mind sending her a book, called so-and-so, by such and such an author, +price so much? It is all plain sailing with Cousin Penelope. She knows +just what she wants and where to get it; so much so that I sometimes +wonder why she doesn't send straight to the shop. But country cousins +never do that; for wherein would lie the use of London cousins, if they +didn't shop for their country cousins? How would they occupy their time? +She would like me please to get it at Bumpus's, because they are so +very civil and they knew her dear father. I might mention his name if I +thought fit! Now, I know quite well that it is impossible that any +one at Bumpus's, be he ever so venerable, can ever have known Cousin +Penelope's father. The name, being Smith, may no doubt be familiar. Of +course Cousin Penelope would repay any expense I incurred. In fact she +must insist on so doing. + +"Insist" seems too strong a word to apply to any power that Cousin +Penelope could enforce. It would be something so gentle; persistent, +perhaps, but insistent? Never! "I beg, I implore, I entreat," would all +be suitable, but "I insist" does not suggest Cousin Penelope. + +Dear Cousin Penelope, we are told, had a love-story in her youth, the +sadness of which ruined her life. It must have been a very beautiful +thing, that sorrow, to have made her what she is. One feels that it +must be a very wonderful love that is laid away in the wrappings of +submission and tied with the ribbons of resignation. There is assuredly +no bitterness about it, and I sometimes wonder if one's own sorrow +which tears and tugs at one's heart will some day leave such a record +of holiness and patience on one's face! I am afraid not. I look in the +glass, but I see nothing in the reflection which in the least resembles +Cousin Penelope, nor can I believe that time will do it, nor am I brave +enough to wish it. I cannot yet pray for a peace like hers. People say +time can do everything, but + + "Time is + Too slow for those who wait, + Too swift for those who fear, + Too long for those who grieve, + Too short for those who rejoice, + But for those who love Time is + Eternity." + +So it is written on a sun-dial I know, and when I have a sun-dial of my +own, those words shall be written thereon. + +I think time lies heavily sometimes on Hugh's hands. He said one day, +"The days pass by, Betty, and we don't grow up!" + +To return to booksellers. There is "Truslove and Hanson" in my more or +less immediate neighborhood, who are civil to a degree, but they did +not know Cousin Penelope's father, therefore they are not specially +qualified to sell a book to his daughter! So to Bumpus I must go, and +I love it. A bookshop is a joy to me; the feel of books, the smell of +books, the look of books, I love! I even enjoy cutting the pages of a +book, which I believe every one does not enjoy. + +Then there is another country cousin, Pauline. When her letter comes, +I open it with mixed feelings, in which the feeling of fondness +predominates. One can't help loving her. She never asks one to shop for +her, but with her, which is perhaps an even greater test of friendship. +On a particularly hot day, I remember, a letter came from Pauline which +announced her immediate arrival. I was, waiting in the hall for her, +ready to start, which is a stipulation she always makes, as she says +it is such a pity to waste time. She greeted me in the same rather +tempestuous manner that I am accustomed to at the hands of Betty and +Hugh, and then she ran down the steps again to tell the cabman that he +had a very nice horse, which she patted, and said, "Whoa, mare!" +She always does that. She then asked the cabman how long he had been +driving, whether it was difficult to drive at night, and whether it was +true he could only see his horse's ears; and I think she asked if he had +any children, but of that I am not quite sure. If she didn't, it was a +lapse of memory on her part. Even the cab-runner interested her. Hadn't +I noticed what a sad face he had? + +I said I hadn't noticed anything except that he was rather dirty. +Pauline said, "Of course he is dirty; what would you be, if you ran +after cabs all day?" I wondered. + +Talking of cab-runners, I told her of the children's party I went to +with Cousin Penelope, who, very much afraid that she was late, said in +her sweetest manner to a man who opened the cab-door for us, "Are we +late?" And the man answered, "I really cannot say, madam; I have only +just this moment arrived myself." + +He was in rags, which I did not tell her; the sponge cake would have +stuck in her throat at tea if I had. But I gave him something for his +ready wit, and wished for weeks afterwards that I had plunged into the +darkness after him. "What a charming man!" said Cousin Penelope. But to +return to Pauline. + +"What a glorious day we are going to have!" she said. "It is good of you +to say I may stay the night, and if I go to a ball, you won't mind? I +have brought a small box,--as you see." + +I did see, and to my mind its size bordered on indecency. I like a box +to look sufficiently large to take all I think a woman ought to need +for a night's stay. Pauline often assures me it does hold everything, +squashed tight, of course. I say it must be squashed very tight, and +she says it is. "That's the beauty of the present-day fashion of fluffy +things: everything is so easily squashed, and yet you can't squash them; +an accordion-pleated thing, for instance." + +To a man whose admiration for a woman is gauged by the amount of luggage +she can travel without, Pauline would prove irresistible. I know one who +prides himself on his packing, and who has a horror of much luggage. He +was all packed ready to go to Scotland, when his wife asked him if he +could lend her a collar-stud for her flannel shirts, and he said, "Yes, +but you must carry it yourself, I'm full up!" + +To that man Pauline, I am sure, would be very attractive. + +When Pauline and I started off on our shopping expedition, she demurred +at taking a hansom, although she loves driving in them; but she said +'buses were so much more amusing. "People in 'buses say such funny +things," she said, and so they do. The old lady in particular who, when +the horse got his leg over the trace without hurting himself or any one +else, got up and announced to the 'bus in general: "There, I always did +say I hated horses and dogs," and sat down again. I loved her for that +and for other things too, among them her apple-cheeks and poke bonnet. + +Another reason why I insisted upon a hansom is that Pauline is not to be +trusted in a 'bus; her interest in her fellow-creatures is embarrassing. +I have, moreover, sat opposite babies in 'buses with Pauline, and where +a baby is concerned, she has no self-control. So I was firm, and we +started off in a hansom. I was continually besought to look at some +delicious baby, first this side, then that. + +Pauline calmly avers that she would go mad if she lived in London. She +couldn't stand seeing so many beautiful children, or babies, beautiful +or otherwise. It is curious how babies in perambulators hold out their +hands to Pauline as she passes, and laugh and gurgle at her. + +Once in Piccadilly, beautiful babies became less plentiful, and Pauline +turned her thoughts and sympathies to horses and bearing-reins. She was +instantly plunged into the depths of despair. Couldn't I do something, +she asked, to remedy such a crying evil? She said it was the duty of +every woman in London--Something in the catalogue she was carrying +arrested her attention, and what it was the duty of every woman to do I +am not sure. I did not ask, but was grateful for the peace which ensued. + +Pauline was glad the sales were on. She loved them, and yet she didn't +like them, because she didn't think they brought out the best side of a +woman's character. "I think," she said, "a woman's behavior at sales is +a test, don't you?" + +I said I thought her behavior as regarded swing-doors was a surer one. +She said she hadn't thought of that. + +"But I know what you mean; I do dislike the flouncing, pushing woman. I +think every one should be taught to be courteous and gentle, don't you?" +She added, "I hate being pushed." + +I told her of a woman next me in a 'bus one day, who said, "You're +a-sittin' on me!" How I rose and politely begged her pardon, whereupon +she said, "Now you're a-standin' on me!" And we agreed that there is no +pleasing some people. + +Pauline returned to the perusal of the catalogue, in which she had put +a large cross against the picture of a coat and skirt. She said she was +stock-size. She didn't suppose any really smart women were. "Or would +own to it," I suggested, but she didn't answer; she never does if she +detects any savor of malice in a remark. She was very anxious I should +admire the illustration. I did, but I felt it my duty as a London cousin +to a country cousin to tell her that the illustration might lead her +to expect too much. She warmly agreed that of course as regarded the +figure, etc., the illustration was misleading, because she, of course, +could never look so beautifully willowy as that. She was inclined to +come out where the illustration went in, and she could never be so +slanty, never; but apart from that, of course the coat and skirt would +be exactly as it was pictured. Her figure would be to blame, of course. +Her figure happens to be a very pretty one, but she didn't give me +time to say so. I repeated that I should not put implicit faith in the +illustration. She was a little hurt. She did not think it right to cast +aspersions on the character of so respectable a firm as that whose name +headed the catalogue. I said I didn't see it quite in the same light. +Pauline looked at me reproachfully, and said drawing a lie was as bad as +telling one. + +The argument was beyond me; besides, I like Pauline to look +reproachfully at me, she is so pretty. Being as pretty as she +undoubtedly is, I often wonder why she is not more effective. + +The right kind of country beauty is very convincing to the jaded +Londoner; but to convince, one must be convinced, and that is exactly +what Pauline is not. She never thinks whether she is beautiful or not, +and I am sure it often lies with the woman herself, how beautiful people +think her, except in the rare cases of real beauty, when there can +be but one opinion. But in the case of ordinary beauty, the woman is +appraised at her own value. Then there is the art of putting on clothes, +of which Pauline is absolutely ignorant. There is even a studied +untidiness which passes under the name of picturesque. All of this is +a closed book to Pauline, and, after all, she is a delightful creature; +but the trouble to me was that, at the time she came up to shop with me, +she didn't wear good boots, and to do that I hold is part, or should be +part, of a woman's creed. She gets her boots from the village shoemaker +because his wife died. Her eyes filled with tears at the mere thought of +the man, and she told me she thought it right to encourage local talent. +In the boots I saw evidences of locality,--bumps, for instance,--but not +of talent. Pauline was very indignant and said she had no bumps on her +feet. "But you see my position?" I did, but I persuaded her to have some +good boots made in London. This she consented to do, rather unwillingly +and on the distinct understanding that in the country she should +continue to encourage local talent. "On wet days," I ventured. + +And at flower-shows, she added. + +I have seen Pauline in the country, against a background of golden beech +trees and brown bracken, look even beautiful; but in London she lacks +something, possibly the right background. She has glorious hair, but her +maid can't do it. Pauline admits it, but she says she can't send a nice +woman away on that account; besides, she suffers from rheumatism, and +Pauline's particular part of the country suits her better than any +other. + +"Couldn't she learn?" I suggested. + +"No, she can't," said Pauline. "She had lessons once, and she came back +and did my hair like treacle, all over my head,--no idea, absolutely. I +should never look like you, whatever I did." + +"My dear Pauline," I said, "what nonsense!" + +"It's not nonsense. Father was saying only the other day that you are a +beautiful creature, only no one seems to see it." + +"Dear Uncle Jim," I said; "how delightful, and how like him!" + +"But it's true you are beautiful; only the part about the people +not seeing it isn't true: that's father's way of putting it. You are +beautiful!" + +"My dear child!" + +"Why do you say 'dear child' to me? People would think you were years +and years older than I am. Why do you always talk as if life were over? +Have you a secret sorrow?" + +If Pauline, warm-hearted, loving Pauline had really thought I had, she +would have been the last person to ask such a question. + +"Do I look it?" I asked. + +"No-o. Only when people seem to spend the whole of their life in doing +things for other people, it makes one suspect that they are saying +to themselves, 'As we can't be happy ourselves, we can see that other +people are.'" + +"What a philosopher you are, Pauline! If you go on that supposition, you +must have a terrible sorrow somewhere hidden behind that happy face of +yours." + +Pauline is not meant to live in London. She thanks people in a crowd for +letting her pass. If she is pushed off the pavement, she is only sorry +that the person can be so rude as to do it. She never gets into a 'bus +or takes any vehicular advantage over a widow, and she feels choky if +she sees any one very old. "Do you know why?" she asked. "Because they +are, so near Heaven, and sometimes I think you see the reflection of it +in their faces." + +"Like Cousin Penelope," I said. + +We arrived at the shop where the coat and skirt were to be had, and +Pauline, having admired the horse and thanked the cabman, and the +commissionaire, who held his arm over a perfectly dry wheel, followed me +into the shop. She admired everything as she went through the different +departments, and apologized to the shop walkers for not being able to +buy everything; but she lived in the country, and although the things +were lovely, they would be no use to her--dogs on her lap most of the +day, and so on. + +Everyone looked at Pauline; and old ladies, to whom she always appeals +very much, put their heads on one side, as old ladies do when they +admire anything very much, anything which reminds them of their own +youth, and smiled. Old ladies have this privilege, that when they arrive +at a certain age, they are allowed to think they were beautiful in their +youth, and to tell you so. It is a recognized thing, and one of the +recompenses of old age. We all know that every one had a beautiful +grandmother--one at least; and if a portrait of one grandmother belies +the fact, then there is the other one to fall back upon, of whom, +unfortunately, no portrait exists, and she was abs--so--lute--lee +lovely! + +The coat and skirt were found and eagerly compared with the +illustration, and Pauline turned to me and said with a triumphant +ringing her voice: "It wasn't an exaggeration. I knew it wouldn't be. +Mother has dealt here for years." + +Then we went upstairs to try it on. In a few minutes Pauline had +discovered that the fitter was supporting her deceased sister's husband +and six children, the eldest of whom wasn't quite right and the youngest +had rickets. She was so distressed that she didn't want the back of her +coat altered, the woman already had so much to bear. But I prevailed +upon her to have the alteration made regardless of the woman's domestic +anxieties. I felt sure it would make no difference. But I cannot help +feeling that Pauline's visit to that shop did make a difference to that +poor woman, if only for a few moments in her life. And I think those +children's lives were made happier too; but it is difficult to get +Pauline to talk of these things. + +Then we went to the shoemaker, and Pauline told him all about the +widower bootmaker, and of her scruples about having boots made by any +one else. The bootmaker evidently thought that a foot like Pauline's was +worthy of a good boot and Pauline said there were occasions on which one +had to sink one's own feelings. She was scandalized at London prices, +and told the man so. "But of course it means higher pay for the men, so +it's all right." + +On our way home I said to Pauline that I couldn't understand why she was +so economical--ready-made coats and skirts, and afraid of paying a fair +price for good boots! Was her allowance smaller than it used to be? She +got pink and didn't answer. I determined she should, and at last she +did. + +"Well, you see, I pay a woman to come and wash the shoemaker's children +on Saturday evenings." + +I smiled. "That can't cost much, unless she provides the soap." + +Pauline got pinker still. "Well, I pay for the village nurse, and a few +other little things. Then there's a little baby," she dropped her voice, +"who has no mother--she died--and who never had a father, and every one +doesn't care for those sort of babies.--You do like my coat and skirt, +don't you?" + + + + +Chapter IX + + +I think, by the way, that it was on that very day that Mr. Dudley met +Pauline. She, of course, would know the exact date and hour, but I am +almost sure of it, for although it may mean a day of less ecstatic +joy to me than it does to her, it brought much peace and subsequent +happiness into my life, and therefore is writ in red letters in my book +of days. For the visits of Dick Dudley had latterly become more frequent +than I cared for, and much as I liked him, I began to wish that I +had remained in his estimation under the shadow of Diana's charming +personality, for so he had tolerated me until the fateful day on which I +had partaken of Betty's gray wad. That act of professional valor ignited +a spark of feeling for me in his breast, which, fostered by Hugh's +constant suggestion, sprang into something warmer than I could have +wished, and was fanned into flame on the day on which he found me paying +a visit of consolation to the small fat Thomas. Now, strangely enough, +that small fat person was nephew to Dick Dudley. How small the world is! +And the mother turned out to have been exactly the sort of mother I had +thought she must be. One of the nicest things about Dick Dudley was the +way he spoke of that sister, and we had long talks about her, until I +awoke to the fact that that sister and I must have been twins, so alike +were we; then I began to be afraid. For I couldn't tell him that there +was some one far away, for whom I was waiting from day to day. One +can hardly barricade one's self behind such an announcement. The +classification of women is incomplete. There are those who are engaged +and who care; there are those who are engaged and who don't care; there +are those who don't care and, who are not engaged; then there are those +who care and who are not engaged, so cannot say. It is not their +fault if, sometimes, they wound a passing lover. Mercifully there are +Pauline's in this world to relieve one of unsought affections, and I +liked Dick Dudley well enough, and not too much to be glad when I saw +him give ever such a small start when he walked into my drawing-room and +saw Pauline sitting there, clothed in cool green linen and looking her +very best. I had done her glorious hair on the top--that, I think is +the expression--and she sat in the window so that her hair shone like +burnished gold, and she was saying in a voice fraught with emotion, +"If I had my way, there should be no sorrow or suffering," which of all +sentiments was the most likely to appeal to Dick Dudley, for he is one +of those who look upon sorrow and suffering as bad management on the +part of some one, since the world is really such an awfully jolly place, +if only people didn't make a muddle of their lives. He says it is all +very well to talk of high ideals, you can't live up to them, the best +you can do is to live up to the highest practical ideal. But then his +standard of ideal is very much higher since he saw Pauline for the first +time. Pauline blushed when a strange man walked into the room, which was +all for the best, and made the day a happier one for me. Not that Dick +Dudley was not very loyal to me. He tried, I could see it was an effort +not to talk too much to Pauline, although the topic of bearing-reins, +under certain circumstances, was a very engrossing one, and spaniels a +never-ending one. Pauline expressed her surprise that Mr. Dudley should +ask her if she lived in London. + +"I thought every one could see I lived in the country," she said. "Did +you mean it for a compliment?" she asked kindly. + +Dick Dudley was a little overcome by this, and he said he would hardly +have dared to pay her a compliment, since every one knew that girls who +lived in the country away from bearing-reins and other hardening and +worldly influences, and in close proximity to spaniels, black, liver and +white, cocker, clumber, and otherwise, were so vastly superior to their +London sisters. Here Dick got a little deep and Pauline kindly rescued +him. + +"A compliment to my clothes, I meant," she said; "because all my friends +in London tell me my clothes are so countrified." + +Dick listened very, very seriously to the reasons why Pauline was +obliged to have most of her clothes made in the country, and I could see +that every moment he thought less of the importance of clothes and +their makers, and more and more of the qualities essential in woman, +simplicity, goodness, frankness, and an absence of artificiality. I saw +it all on his face, dawning slowly and surely. By the time we had had +tea, I could see it was a matter of mutual satisfaction to both Dick and +Pauline to find that they were going to the same dance that night. The +responsibility of chaperoning Pauline was not mine. + +My anxiety as to the ball dress emerging from the small box was relieved +by Pauline telling me that it was to come from the dressmaker just +in time for her to dress for the ball; which it did. She came to be +inspected by Nannie and me before she started, and she really looked +delicious. Her assets as a country girl counted heavily that night, she +looked so fresh, so natural, and so full of the joy of living. Her hair +counted, every hair of it. Nannie was so touched that she wept aloud and +said it was what I ought to be doing. But I told her professional +aunts went only to children's parties, where they could be of some use. +Pauline wished I was going. "Betty," she said and paused, "I am sure Mr. +---- is his name Dudley? feels very much your not going." I laughed, +and marked it down against her that she should have said, "Is his name +Dudley?" It was the first evidence of feminine guile I had detected in +her. Men are answerable for a very great deal. + +I woke to greet Pauline when she came into my sunlit room at five +o'clock in the morning, looking still fresh, untired, and more than ever +full of the joy of living. "Oh, it was lovely," she said, sitting down +on my bed. + +"Who saw you home?" I asked professionally. + +"Oh, Aunt Adela to the very door; she even waited till I shut it." + +"Who did you dance with?" I asked. + +"Heaps and heaps of people. I was lucky; all Thorpshire seemed to be +there; and then Mr. Dudley. Betty, I understand now." + +"What?" I said, alarmed by the note of tragic kindness in her voice. + +"About Mr. Dudley, he talked about you so beautifully. He agrees with +me absolutely about your character, and he told me about his sister." +Pauline's voice became hushed. + +"Did he say she was just a little like you, Pauline?" + +"Yes, he did. You knew her, then? He said I reminded him of her so +strangely. I think he would make a woman very happy. I do really." + +"So do I, dear Pauline, really." + +"Then won't you?" + +"No, darling goose." + +"Why?" + +"Because I am not the woman. Go to bed, Pauline." + +She went--to sleep? I cannot say. I forget whether a girl goes to sleep +the first night after she has fallen in love. Night? I suppose I should +say morning. But it depends on the hour when she takes the first step +into that bewildering fairyland of first love. For a fairyland it +assuredly is, if she is lucky enough to find the right guide. He must, +to begin with, believe in the fairyland. He must know that the path may +be rough at times, stony and overgrown with weeds, but he will know that +all the difficulties will be worth while when he brings her out into the +open, and they look away to the limitless horizon of happiness. + +A few hours later, Pauline said to me at breakfast, "Betty, I think I +shall tell that bootmaker to make me two pairs of boots and two pairs +of shoes. It is better to have enough while one is about it, don't you +think so?" + +So began the regeneration of Pauline, regeneration in the matter of +footgear, I mean, and to wear good boots did her character no harm, nor +the pocket of the country shoemaker either, I am sure. Good boots could +not turn her feet from the pathway of truth and goodness which from her +earliest childhood she had set out to tread, never pausing except to +pick up some one who lagged behind, or to help some one who had strayed +from the path. + +Dick Dudley, whose pathway through life had zigzagged considerably, was +astonished to find how easy the pathway was to keep, guided by Pauline, +and how alluring the goal of goodness. He gave himself up gladly to her +guidance, and was touched to find how much there was of latent goodness +in him. He had never before realized, that was all, how much he loved +his fellow-creatures, how he longed to help them all, how the conditions +of the laboring-classes made his blood boil with indignation, how he +idolized babies, loved old women, reverenced old men. + +It was all a revelation to him. It was, moreover, delightful to be told +by Pauline how wonderful she found all these things in him, and how +unexpected. This, she explained, was nothing personal. "But I often +wondered if I should ever meet a man like you." + +"Darling," he answered humbly, "I don't think I am that sort of man; +really, I'm awfully and frightfully ordinary." + +Then Pauline, to prove the contrary, would ask him if he didn't feel +this or that or the other? And of course he could truthfully say he did, +because he felt all and everything Pauline wished him to feel, with her +beautiful eyes fixed upon him and the flush of enthusiasm on her +cheeks. Here was something to inspire a man, this splendidly generous, +magnanimous creature. Of course he had always felt all these things; he +had been groping after goodness. It was the goodness in Diana, and he +was kind enough to say in the professional aunt, which had appealed to +him. He had been feeling after, it for years, but it was only Pauline +who had revealed it to him, in himself. Well, he was very much in love. +Most men engaged to charming girls feel their own unworthiness, and +the girl is sweetly content that they should do so. Not so Pauline. She +revealed to her astonished lover a depth of goodness in his character +that he had least suspected, and he gradually began to feel how little +he had been understood. + +Now this is an excellent basis on which to start an engagement. I forget +exactly how and when they became engaged, but it was certainly before +Dick said humbly, "Darling, I don't think I am that sort of man; really, +I'm awfully and frightfully ordinary," because, with all Pauline's +kindness to sinners, there was none hardened enough to address her as +"darling" without being first engaged to her; so by that I know they +were engaged that evening at the opera, because it was in a Wagnerian +pause that Dick said those words, in a loud voice from the back of the +box. How else should a professional aunt know these things? + +Between meeting Dick and becoming engaged to him, Pauline went home and +came back with a larger box and stayed quite a long time, as time goes, +although, as a time in which to become engaged, it was very short, and +Nannie, feeling this, asked Pauline if she knew much about Mr. Dudley, +and was she wise? In spite of this anxiety on Nannie's part, she enjoyed +it all immensely, and wept to her heart's content when the engagement +was announced. Now Dick Dudley was a rich young man, and I wondered +whether other people wept too from motives less pure and simple than +Nannie's. + +Pauline wanted me to join a society called "The Deaf Dog Society." The +obligation enforced on members was that they should kneel down, put +their arms round the neck of any deaf dog they should chance to meet, +and say, "Darling, I love you." + +"You see," she said, "a deaf dog doesn't know he is deaf, he only +wonders why no one ever speaks to him, why no one ever calls him. So you +see what a splendid society it is, and there is no subscription." + +Dick made a stipulation that the benefits of the society should be +conferred on dogs only. He made a point of that. + + + + +Chapter X + + +As there was nothing to wait for, happy people, it was agreed by all +parties that the wedding should take place in August, which kept me +rather late in town; it was hardly worth going away, to come back again, +as back again I had to come, as Betty and Hugh were coming to stay +with me for a night on their way to Thorpshire. It is not astonishing, +perhaps, that two children, modern children in particular, and a +nursery-maid can fill to overflowing a small London house, but it is +astonishing how demoralizing a thing it is. A visiting child to people +who have children of their own means nothing, beyond the changing from +one room to another of some particular child, or the putting up of +an extra bed, or perhaps the joy supreme to some child of sleeping in +something that is not a real bed. We all remember that joy. Except for +that one child, it is an every-day thing and fraught with no particular +excitement. The servants, for instance, in a house where children are +an every-day thing, remain quite calm, if good tempered, when a visiting +child is expected, and the kitchen-maid, no doubt, cleans the doorstep +as usual, and, no doubt, takes in the milk. But this I know, that if I +had happened to possess such a thing when Betty and Hugh were coming +to stay, my doorstep would never have been cleaned. For once I was +glad that I depended on the services of a very small boy, who thinks +he cleans it. Staid and level-headed as were my maids, they answered no +bells that morning, which was perhaps natural, as I believe none ring +up to the nursery. Of course they had to be interested in Nannie's +arrangements. + +It was a hot August day, I remember, and I sat at the window writing, or +pretending to write. As a matter of fact, I was listening. Among other +things to the "Austrian Anthem," played over and over again, first right +hand, then left, then both, but not together, by, I guessed, a child +about ten years old, next door. + +Poor, hot child, how I pitied her. + +"Never mind," I thought, "take courage, seaside time is coming. Within +a few days, no doubt, an omnibus will come to the door empty, to go away +full, filled with luggage, crowned by a perambulator and a baby's bath!" +It is only a woman who can travel with a perambulator and a bath; they +are the epitome of motherhood. A father is always too busy to go by that +particular train. + +I heard the twitter of sparrows, the jingle of bells, the hooting of a +siren, or was it my neighbor singing "A rose I gave to you"? of course +it was,--the rumble of a post-office van, and the cry of children's +voices, rather peevish voices, poor mites! Never mind, seaside time is +coming. + +Listening more intently, I beard in the far distance, yet distinct, the +cries of the children who ought to go to the seaside, children who have +never been to the seaside, never paddled, never built castles, never +caught crabs, never seen sea-anemones or starfish, children whose faces +are wan and whose mothers are too tired to be kind to them. It is often +that, I am sure, too tired to be kind! + +Listening again, I heard faintly--it is not with the ears that one hears +these things--the unuttered complaints of those tired mothers, worn-out +women, despairing men, and the singing, in dark alleys and in hot areas, +of caged birds. There are thousands of caged creatures, other than +birds, in London in August, men, women, and children. Hats off, then, +to the little feathered Christians who sing for their fellow-prisoners +a paean of praise. It is perhaps easier to sing to the patch of blue sky +when you do not know that it will be hidden behind clouds tomorrow. + +"They've come," cried Nannie. + +"O Aunt Woggles!" said Hugh, "I've brought you a lovely caterpillar +wrapped up in grass." + +"And I've brought you one of my very own bantam eggs," said Betty. "I've +kept it ever so long for you." + +Then it will be bad, said Hugh. + +"Oh, not so long as to be bad," said Betty. "You will eat it, won't you, +Aunt Woggles?" + +Nannie was radiantly happy at tea that day, but I think her happiness +was supreme when she fetched me later to look at the children asleep. +We stole into Betty's room together, and Nannie shaded the candle as +she held it, for me to look at what is assuredly the loveliest thing on +God's earth--a sleeping child. + +Nannie, in an eloquent silence, pointed to the chair on which lay +Betty's clean clothes, folded ready for the morning, and to her hairy +horse which she had brought for company. Her blue slippers were beside +the bed. Then we went into Hugh's room. He, too, lay peaceful and +beautiful, his clothes folded ready for the morning, and his pistol +beside him in case he was "attacked." His slippers were red, and Nannie, +at the sight of them, cried quietly. To some happy mothers a child's +slippers mean nothing more than size two or three, and serve only to +remind her how quickly children grow out of things! + +But to Nannie they brought back memories of years of happiness, through +which little feet, in just the same sort of slippers, had pattered, +stumbling here, falling there, picked up, and guided by her. But she +thought most of the little feet in just that sort of slippers, that had +stopped still forever early on their life's journey. It is the voices +that are hushed that call most distinctly, the footsteps that stop that +are most carefully traced. It is the children who have gone that stand +and beckon! + + + + +Chapter XI + + +Pauline's wedding-day dawned gloriously bright and beautiful. The whole +village was up and doing, very early, putting the finishing touches to +the decorations. + +The widower shoemaker and his children, and the woman who washed +them--the children, I mean--on Saturdays, had all combined to erect a +triumphal arch of, great splendor, and the woman showed such sensibility +in the choice of mottoes, and such a nice appreciation of the joys of +matrimony, together with a decided leaning towards the bridegroom's +side of the arch, that the shoemaker suggested that she should suit her +actions to her words--that was how he expressed it--and marry him, which +she agreed to do. But she afterwards explained, in breaking the news to +her friends, that they could have knocked her down with a leaf! Whether +this was due to the weakened state of her heart, or to her precarious +position on the ladder, I do not know. + +Everybody and everything was in a bustle, with the exception of Aunt +Cecilia, who sat through it all as calm and as beautiful as ever. Not +that she did not feel parting with Pauline, but her love for everybody +and everything was of a nature so purely unselfish that it never +occurred to her to count the cost to herself. + +I have never met any one who so completely combines in her character +gentleness and strength as does Aunt Cecilia: so gentle in spirit and +judgment, and so strong in her fight for principles and beliefs. If she +has a weakness, and I could never wish any one I love to be without one, +it lies in her love for Patience. She does not think it right to play in +the morning, but sometimes, being unable to withstand the temptation of +so doing, she plays it in an empty drawer of her writing-table, and if +she hears any one coming, she can close the drawer! + +Her greatest interest in life, next to her husband and children, is her +garden and other people's gardens. In fact, she looks at life generally +from a gardening point of view, and is apt to regard men as gardeners, +possible gardeners, or gardeners wasted. As gardeners they have their +very distinct use, and as such deserve every consideration, but if a +man will not till the soil, he is a cumberer thereof. She, at least, +inclines that way in thought. Life, she says, is a garden, children the +flowers, parents the gardeners. "If we treated children as we do roses, +they would be far happier. We don't call roses naughty when they grow +badly and refuse to flower as they ought to; we blame the gardeners or +the soil." + +"But, Aunt Cecilia," I say, "one can recommend an unsatisfactory +gardener to a friend, but one can't so dispose of unsatisfactory +parents." + +"You must educate them, dear." + +Now all this sounds very convincing when said by Aunt Cecilia, because, +for one thing, she says it very charmingly, and for another, she is +still a very beautiful woman. She is too fond, perhaps, of extinguishing +her beauty under a large mushroom hat, and is given to bending too much +over herbaceous borders, and so hiding her beautiful face. But I dare +say the flowers love to look at it, and to see mirrored in it their own +loveliness. + +Aunt Cecilia wears a bonnet sometimes, and thereby hangs a tale. So few +aunts wear a bonnet nowadays that the fact of one doing so is almost +worth chronicling. She doesn't wear it very often, only at the +christenings of the head gardener's babies. From a christening point of +view that is very often, but from a bonnet point of view I suppose it +might be called seldom--once a year? I know that bonnet well, because it +has been sent to me often for renovation. On one particular occasion +it arrived in a cardboard box. On the top of the bonnet was a bunch of +flowers, beautiful enough to make any bonnet accompanying it welcome, in +whatever state of dilapidation. Aunt Cecilia has a knack of sending +just the right sort of flowers, and they always bring a message, which +everybody's flowers don't do. + +The bonnet I renovated to the best of my ability and sent it back. In +the course of a few days I received a slightly agitated note from Aunt +Cecilia. "It doesn't suit me, dearest, and after all the trouble you +have taken!" + +Knowing Aunt Cecilia, I wrote back, "Did you try it on in bed with your +hair down?" + +She answered by return, "Dearest, I did! It really suits me very well +now that I have tried it on in my right mind. I am going to wear it +at the last little Shrub's christening, this afternoon. It is just in +time." + +When David and Diana were singled out by night for the particular +attention of a burglar, Aunt Cecilia wrote to sympathize and said, "I am +so thankful, dearest, David did not meet the poor, misguided man!" + +May we all be judged as tenderly! + +This is a digression, but it perhaps explains Pauline and Pauline's +wedding, and the joy with which all the people in the village entered +into it. + +The strangest people kept on arriving the morning of the wedding. It was +verily a gathering of the halt, the lame, and the blind--all friends of +Pauline's. Whenever Uncle Jim was particularly overcome, it was sure to +mean that some old soldier, officer or otherwise, had turned up, who had +served with him in some part of the world, long before Pauline was born. +Aunt Cecilia welcomed them all in her inimitable manner, which made each +one feel that he was the one and most particularly honored guest. For +all her apparent absent-mindedness, she knew exactly who belonged to +Mrs. Bunce's department and who not. + +Mrs. Bunce, the old housekeeper, was very busy, every button doing its +duty! A wedding didn't come her way every day. The sisters-in-law, of +course, came with their belongings. + +Zerlina was distressed at the nature of many of the presents; and +wondered if Pauline would have enough spare rooms to put them in; which +showed how little she knew her. If Pauline had told her that she valued +the alabaster greyhound under a glass case, subscribed for by the +old men and women in the village, over seventy, Zerlina wouldn't have +believed her any more than did old Mrs. Barker when Diana told her Sara +was named after a dear old housemaid and not after the Duchess. + +Betty and Hugh were among the bridesmaids and pages, and Hugh shocked +Betty very much by saying, in the middle of the service "When may I play +with my girl?" + +Some one described Uncle Jim as looking like one of the Apostles, and +Aunt Cecilia certainly looked like a saint. Ought I, by the way, to +bracket an apostle and a saint? But nothing was so wonderful or so +beautiful as the expression on Pauline's face. I am sure that, as she +walked up the aisle, she was oblivious to everything and every one +except God and Dick. + +It is assuredly a great responsibility for a man to accept such a love +as hers. + +A wedding is nearly always a choky thing, and Pauline's was particularly +so. As she left the church, she stopped in the churchyard to speak to +her friends, and for one old woman she waited to let her feel her dress. + +"Is it my jewels you want to feel, Anne?" she said, as the old hands +tremblingly passed over her bodice. "I have on no jewels." + +The old hands went up to Pauline's face and gently and reverently +touched it. "God bless her happy face," said the old woman. "I had to +know for sure." Pauline kissed the old fingers gently. We all knew for +sure, but then we had eyes to see. + +Pauline went away in the afternoon, and the villagers danced far into +the evening, and there was revelry in the park by night. + +After Pauline and Dick had gone away, I walked across the park to +the post office to send a telegram to Julia, who was kept at home by +illness, to her very great disappointment. There is nothing she adores +like a wedding. I was glad to escape for a few minutes. I wrote out the +telegram and handed it to the postmaster, who, reading it, said, I'm +glad it went off so well. "There's nobody what wouldn't wish her well." +Then he counted the words. "Julia Westby?" he said. "Um-um-um-um. +Eleven, miss. You might as well give her the title." I laughed and +added, or rather he added, the "Lady." + +Julia is not a sister-in-law really, but she likes to call herself so, +since she might have been one, having been for one ecstatic week in +Archie's life engaged to him. She is wont now to lay her hand on his +head, in public, for choice, and say, "He was almost mine." She says +she still loves him as a friend. "But, you see, dearest Betty, there is +everything that is delightful in the relationship of a poor friend, but +a poor husband! That is another thing. To begin with, it is not fair +to a man that he should have to deny his wife things. It is bad for his +character and, of course, for hers. He becomes a saint at her expense, +whereas the expense should always be borne by the husband. William is so +delightfully rich, but he is not an Archie, of course! But then husbands +are not supposed to be." + +Hugh, going to bed, wondered if the angels would bring Pauline a baby +that night, a darling little baby! + +And Betty said, in her great wisdom, "Oh, darling, I think it would be +too exciting for Pauline to be married and have a baby all on one day." + +Then Hugh suggested the glorious possibility of the angels bringing +it to Fullfield, whereupon Hyacinth said that was not at all likely, +because she knew that when a baby was born, it was usual for one or +other parent to be present! + +We stayed for a few days at Fullfield, and Hugh and Betty enjoyed +themselves immensely. Hyacinth said it was just like staying for a week +at the pantomime, and Betty said, with a deep sigh, that it was much +nicer, a billion times nicer. + +Pauline's brother Jack most nearly resembled any one in a pantomime, and +the children loved him. One day at lunch he went to the side-table to +fetch a potato in its jacket, and coming back he laid it on Uncle Jim's +slightly bald head and said, "Am I feverish, father?" + +"It Good Heavens, my boy!" exclaimed Uncle Jim; "you must be in an awful +state!" + +After that, the eyes of the children never left Jack during any meal +at which they happened to be present, and whenever he got up to fetch +anything, Hugh began dancing with joy and saying in a loud whisper, +"He's going to do something funny"; and if Jack remained silent, Hugh +was sure he was thinking of something to do. It is difficult to live up +to those expectations. + +One morning at breakfast Hugh said suddenly, "Aunt Woggles, have you got +a mole?" + +I said I believed I had. + +"It's frightfully lucky. I have," he said, pulling up his sleeve and +disclosing a mole on his very white little arm. "It is lucky." + +"I've got one too," said Betty, diving under the table. + +"All right, darling," I said, "you needn't show us." + +"I couldn't, Aunt Woggles, at least not now. If you come to see me in my +bath, you can; but it's truthfully there." + +I said I was sure it was. + +"I 'spect she's sitting on it," said Hugh in aloud whisper; "that's +why." + +"We asked Mr. Hardy once if he had a mole, and he got redder and +redder;" we asked him at lunch, said Betty. + +"He got redder and redder," said Hugh, by way of corroboration. "Mother +said moles weren't good things to ask people about, so we asked him if +he had any little children, and he hadn't; then we didn't know what to +ask." + +"We only asked about moles because we wanted him to be lucky," said +kindhearted Betty. + +"Last time I went to the Zoo," said Hugh, "I gave all my bread to one +animal. He was a lucky animal, wasn't he?" + +"It was the hippopotamus, I think; he was lucky." + +"Perhaps he has a mole, Hugh," I said. + +We'll look, said Hugh. "I 'spect he has." + +The proverbial difficulty of finding a needle in a haystack seemed +child's play compared to that of finding a mole on a hippopotamus. + + + + +Chapter XII + + +Another aunt, Anna by name, suggested that as I was at Fullfield, I +might take the opportunity of paying her a visit at Manwell, why because +I was at Fullfield I don't know, as they are miles apart, counties apart +I should say. However, I went because it is difficult to refuse Aunt +Anna anything; she accepts no excuses. It is as well for any one who +wishes to see Aunt Anna at her best to see her in her own home. She, +according to Aunt Cecilia, does best in her own soil. Moreover, she is +nothing without her family, it so thoroughly justifies her existence. + +Aunt Anna is one of those jewels who owe a certain amount to their +setting. + +Her husband calls her a jewel, and as such she is known by the family +in general which recalls to my mind an interesting biennial custom which +was said to hold good in the Manwell family. Every time a lesser jewel +made its appearance, the mother-jewel was presented with a diamond and +ruby ornament of varying magnificence, with the words "The price of a +good woman is far above rubies" conveniently inscribed thereon. + +Aunt Anna took it all very seriously, from the tiara downward, and if +diamond and ruby shoe-buckles had not involved twins, I think she would +have hankered after those, but even as it was, she came in time to +possess a very remarkable collection of rubies and diamonds. + +Aunt Anna is very prosperous, very happy, very rich, and very contented. + +She prides herself on none of these things, but only on the unprejudiced +state of her maternal mind. + +"Of course," she says, "I cannot help seeing that my children are more +beautiful than other people's. It would be ludicrously affected and +hypocritical of me if I pretended otherwise. If they were plain, I +should be the first to see it, and--" + +I think she was going to add "say it," but she stopped short; she +invariably does at a deliberate lie, because she is a very truthful +woman, and thinks a lie is a wicked thing unless socially a necessity. + +I arrived at tea-time which is a thing Aunt Anna expects of her guests. +I noticed that she looked a little less contented than usual, and that +she even gave way to a gesture of impatience when Mrs. Blankley asked +for a fifth cup of tea. Mrs. Blankley is a great advocate of temperance. +In connection with which, Aunt Anna once said that she thought there +should be temperance in all things beginning with "t." Which vague +saying, as illustrative of her wit, was treasured up by her indulgent +husband and quoted "As Anna so funnily said." + +Now as Aunt Anna, we know, never says witty things unless under strong +provocation, she rarely says them, for she is of an amazingly even +temperament. She often says she considers cleverness a very dangerous +gift. It is not one I seek for either myself or my children. It is so +easy to say clever, unkind things. Every one can do it if they choose; +the difficulty is not to say them. + +It is evident that Aunt Anna chooses the harder part. + +Mrs. Blankley, having disposed of the fifth cup of tea, expressed a +desire to see the pigs. Aunt Anna never goes to see pigs, nor demands +that sacrifice of Londoners, for which act of consideration I honor her; +not but what I am fond of pigs, black ones and small. Aunt Anna knows +that there are such things because of the continual presence of bacon +in her midst. She also knows that pigs are things that get prizes. +She still clings to her childish belief that streaky bacon comes from +feeding the pigs one day and not the next. + +Every one, like Mrs. Blankley, had a thirst to see something, and I +was left alone with Aunt Anna, to discuss Pauline's wedding. As a +rule, there is nothing Aunt Anna would sooner discuss, but I saw that +something was worrying her, and I guessed that the unburdening of a +rarely perturbed mind was imminent. It was. + +"Is anything wrong?--" I asked. "Any of the children worrying you?" She +nodded and pointed to a diamond and ruby brooch and said plaintively. +"This one, Claud, just a little worrying." + +I tried to hide a smile. "Oh, that's Claud, is it? I get a little +mixed." + +"I dare say, dear," she said; "but it's quite simple, really. Jack was +the tiara, and so on." + +"What has Claud been doing?" I asked. "Oh, nothing he can help, I feel +sure. He has a temperament, I believe. What it is I don't quite know; +people grow out of it, I am told. It's not so much doing things as +saying them; and his friends are odd, decidedly odd. They wear curious +ties, have disheveled hair, and are distinctly décolleté. I don't know +if I should apply the word to men, but they are." + +I suggested that these little indiscretions on the part of extreme youth +need not worry her. But she said they did, in a way, because her +other children were so very plain sailing. They never took any one by +surprise. She then told me of poor Lady Adelaide, a near neighbor, at +least as near as it was possible for any neighbor to be, considering +the extent of the Manwell property, one of whose boys had written a book +without her knowledge, and the other had married under exactly similar +conditions. + +I said I thought the writing of a book a minor offense compared to +the matrimonial venture. She agreed, but said they were both upsetting +because unexpected. As an instance, did I remember when Lady Victoria +was butted by her pet lamb, when she was showing the Prince her white +farm? It wasn't the upsetting she minded, so much as the unexpectedness +of it, because the lamb had a blue ribbon round its neck! + +"A black sheep in a white farm, Aunt Anna!" I said. + +"No, dear, it was white, and it was a lamb." + +But to return to Lady Adelaide. Now that Aunt Anna came to think of it, +the marriage was the better of the two shocks, because financially it +was a success, and the book wasn't. "Books aren't," She added. + +"Is that all Claud does, or, rather, his friends do?" I asked. + +"No, it's not," she said. "Ever since he went to Oxford he has changed +completely. He has got into his head that we are a self-centered family, +and that I am a prejudiced mother, when it is the only thing I am not. +I may be everything else for all I know, I may be daily breaking all +the commandments without knowing it! But a prejudiced mother I am not! +Before he went to Oxford he came into my bedroom one morning, and he +said that he thought Maud and Edith were quite the most beautiful girls +he had ever seen, and he had sat behind some famous beauty in a theatre +a few nights before. I didn't ask him! I was suffering from neuralgia at +the time, I remember, and he might, under the circumstances, have agreed +just to soothe me, but he said it of his own accord, and he wondered if +they would go up to London and walk down Bond Street with him. I said +it should be arranged. They walked with him three times up and down Bond +Street; he only asked for once. I am only telling you this because you +will then realize what this change in him means to me. He came back +from Oxford after one term and he said nothing about the girls' beauty, +although I thought them improved. I didn't say so; I made some little +joke about Bond Street, which he pretended not to understand. So I just +said I thought the girls improved, or rather were looking very pretty, +and he said, 'My dear mother, we must learn to look at these things from +the point of view of the outsider. Place yourself in the position of a +man of the world seeing them for the first time.'" + +To begin with, Aunt Anna proceeded to explain, she could never place +herself in a position to which she was not born; she did not think it +right. She said that Claud then urged her to look at it from stranger's +point of view, since that of man of the world was impracticable, which +Aunt Anna said was a thing no mother could do, nor would she wish to do +it. She left such things to actresses. Talking of actresses reminded her +that Claud had even found fault with Maud as an actress, when every +one knew how very excellent she was. Several newspapers, the Southshire +Herald in particular, had alluded to her as one of our most talented +actresses. + +"We had a professional down to coach her, and he said there was really +nothing he could teach her. He was a very nice man, and had all his +meals with us. I went," continued Aunt Anna, "to see the great French +actress who was in London in the spring, you remember? And if ever a +mother went with an unprejudiced mind, I was that mother. I was prepared +to think she was better than Maud, and if she had been, I should have +been the first to say it. But she was not, at least not to my mind! Maud +is always a lady, even on the stage, and that woman was not." + +I ventured to suggest that she was perhaps not supposed to be a lady in +the part. Aunt Anna said, "Perhaps not, but that does not matter; +Maud would be a lady under any circumstances, whatever character she +impersonated, laundress or lady. Claud says she will never act till +she learns to forget herself I trust one of my daughters will never do +that!" + +I strove to pacify Aunt Anna, but her tender heart was wounded and she +was hard to comfort. + +"Claud must admire Edith's violin playing," I ventured. + +Aunt Anna shook her head. "He begged me to eliminate from my mind all +preconceived notions and to judge her from the unprejudiced point of +view. I told Edith to put away her violin. Claud says I must call it a +fiddle. I could not bear to see it. I never thought there could be such +dissension in our united family." + +By way of distraction, I asked if the young man at tea with the +disheveled hair and startlingly unorthodox tie was a friend of Claud's, +and she said, "His greatest!" + +At that moment Claud came into the room, wearing a less earnest +expression than usual and Aunt Anna held out a hand of forgiveness. He +warmly clasped it. "Mother," he said, "Windlehurst has just told me, in +strict confidence, that he considers Maud's the most beautiful face he +has ever seen, except, of course, in the best period of ancient Greek +art. I knew you wanted to hear the unprejudiced opinion of an unbiased +outsider." + +I wondered how Windlehurst would like the description! Claud went on: "I +think Edith every bit as good looking, more so in some ways. Now that +I have heard an unprejudiced opinion I can express mine, which you have +known all along. You see, mother, people say we are a self-centered and +egotistical family. I have proved that we are not." + +"Dear, dearest Claud, your tie is disarranged," murmured his mother, +struggling to reduce it to the dimensions of the orthodox sailor knot. +"Do wait and listen to all dear Betty is telling me of dearest Pauline's +wedding. So interesting. Go on, dear Betty; where had we got to?" + + + + +Chapter XIII + + +My correspondence regarding my summer plans was varied, and the +suggestions contained therein numerous. Here are some of the letters. + +Diana's: + +Darling Betty,--What do you say to the Cornish coast, coves, cream, and +children! As much of the coast and cream, and as little of the children +as you like! David has a bachelor shoot in view, and I think sea air +would do the children good. I do not propose leaving any nurses at home, +or sending them away; they shall all come and run after Sara should she +get into the sea, when she ought not to, but you and I will have the joy +of watching her. She really is delicious paddling. Think of the +rocks, and the coves, and the sands, and not of the wind or of other +disadvantages that may strike you. As much as you like you shall read, +and whatever you like, so long as you will, at intervals, look up and +smile at me. I shall love to feel you are there, so do come, not as a +professional aunt, as you sometimes describe yourself, but as your own +dear self. + + Your loving + DIANA + +Zerlina's: + +Dearest Betty,--I know how difficult you are to find disengaged, but do +try and come to Cornwall with us. The children would love to have you, +and I know you enjoy tearing about after them on the sands! Nurse must +go home for her holiday, and the nursery-maid is so useless. But you +shall do exactly as you like. I know you wouldn't mind if I left you +for a day or two. Jim is so keen that I should go to the Cross-Patches, +being in the neighborhood, more or less. Do write and say you will come. +I do get such headaches at the seaside, and I look so awful when I get +sun burnt, but it suits you. + + Yours, + ZERLINA + +Julia's: + +Betty dear,--You have simply got to come. Diana tells me she is asking +you to Cornwall, and that, I know, you will not refuse, because for +some extraordinary reason you can't refuse her anything. Oh! for Diana's +charm for one day a week! What wouldn't I do! That woman wastes her +life; I've always said so. But go to Cornwall, blazes, or anywhere you +like, but come here on your way back--everywhere is on the way back from +Cornwall. Because the house is to be full of William's friends and he +is never perfectly at ease unless there is a bishop among them, and a +bishop drives me to desperate deeds of wickedness. They always like me! +Betty, in your capacity of professional something, think of me. I want +helping more than any one. I don't ask you to give up Cornwall, but +afterwards, don't disappoint your + + JULIA. + +A girl's: + +Dear Miss Lisle,--I wonder if you will remember me. I am almost afraid +to hope so. But I met you last summer at the Anstells' garden-party, +and you passed me an ice, vanilla and strawberry mixed! I have never +forgotten it. It was not so much passing the ice, lots of people did +that, as the way you did it. I was very unhappy at the time, and there +was something in your expression as you did it that made me feel you +were unlike any one else I had ever met. I wore green muslin! + +I am wondering whether you would come to Cornwall, to stay with us. +The coast is lovely, and in its wildness one can forget one's self, +and that, I think, is what one most wants to do! I know what a help you +would be to me, if you could come, and I will tell you all my troubles +when we have been together some days. One gets to know people by the sea +very quickly, I think, don't you? Although I feel as if I had known you +all my life. My hat was brown, mushroom. + + Your sincere friend and admirer, + VERONICA VOKINS + +P. S.--I forgot to say that my father and mother will be delighted to +see you. I have ten brothers and sisters, but there is miles of coast, +and I and my five sisters have a sitting-room all to ourselves. Father +says "he" must pass his examinations first. I tell you this because you +will then understand. "He" won the obstacle race at the Anstells', but +he was in a sack, so I expect you did not notice him! + +The big, sad Thomas: + +Dear Miss Lisle,--For months, in fact since the day you restored the +screw to my small son, I have been trying to write to you on a subject +that may or may not be distasteful to you. That it will come as a +surprise I feel sure. My love for my boy must be my excuse; nothing else +could justify my writing to any woman as I am about to write to you. +Will you be a mother to my Thomas? It would not be honest on my part +to pretend that I can offer you in myself anything but a very sad and +lonely man, the best of me having gone. No one could ever,--or shall +ever, take the place of my beloved wife in my heart, the remains of +which I offer unreservedly to you. For the sake of my boy I am prepared +to sacrifice myself, and I can at least promise you that you shall never +regret by any action of mine whatever sacrifice it may entail on your +part. I shall not insult you by the mention of money matters or any such +things, for I feel sure that the fact of my being a rich man will make +no difference in your decision as to whether or no you will be a mother +to my Thomas. + + Yours very sincerely, + THOMAS GLYNNE + +Lady Glenburnie's: + +Dear Betty,--If you should be in the North,--and why not make a +certainty of it?--don't forget us! A line to say when and where to meet +you is all we want, and you will find the warmest of welcomes awaiting +you, and your own favorite room in the turret. Don't mention nephews or +nieces in answering this. + + Your affectionate + MARY GLENBURNIE + +Brother Archie's: + +Angel Betty,--Help a brother in distress. I'm desperately in love. First +of all,--how long do you suppose it will last? Forever, I think. But I +can't live at this pitch for long, and my summer plans depend on it. She +is lovely. Makes me long to sing hymns on Sunday evenings; you know +the kind of thing--feeling, I should say! She's like Pauline, only more +beautiful, I think. I will tell you all about it when we meet. There are +complications. My first trouble is this: I have taken a small place in +Skye with Coningsby. Now it is perfectly impossible to live with Con +when one is in love; of all the unsympathetic, dried-up old crabs, he +is the worst. Now the question is, can I buy him out? Have you to stay +instead, ask my beloved too, save her from drowning, which in Skye +should be easy, and then live happily ever afterwards. I am consumed +with a desire to save her from something. It is a symptom, I know, but, +Betty dear, it is serious this time. Her eyes look as if they saw into +another world, which makes me feel hopeless! I don't mind you hinting +something about it to Julia, if you should see her. You needn't enter +into details! + + Yours ever, + ARCHIE + +Of all the letters, Diana's was the most tempting. + +Zerlina's had no power to lure. Dear Archie's little--he had so often +written the same--sort of letters. Veronica Vokins' less, and the sad, +big Thomas! What a curious letter! I hardly knew whether to laugh or to +cry. How careful he was to point out the sacrifice on his part entailed +in his offer. It was hardly flattering to me, except that he refrained +from mentioning his worldly goods, or the advantages to me accruing from +the bestowal thereof. I had at least looked unworldly when I had visited +the small Thomas in bed; of that I was glad. And, after all, why should +I mind? It is something, perhaps, to be asked to be a mother to a small +fat Thomas. I wrote, refusing as kindly as I could. I dare say there are +women who would accept the position. Let us hope, if one be found to do +so, that she will not forget the mother part! + +Dear Lady Glenburnie's letter had something of temptation lurking in +it somewhere. The turret room, commanding its views of purple hills and +sunsets, and the warmest of welcomes! But, again, the most aching of +memories. I could not go there again under circumstances so different. +If ever it could be again as it had been, how I should love it! So that +invitation I declined, saying I should be in Cornwall with Diana. Lady +Glenburnie would forgive the mention of Diana, I knew, and of Betty, +Hugh, and Sara I said nothing, as she had stipulated. + +Then I wrote to Julia saying I would go to her after I had been to +Cornwall. She might need consoling by then, should Archie have proved +himself recovered of the wounds inflicted by her. This I did not tell +her. If I waited a little, there might be nothing to tell. + + + + +Chapter XIV + + +So to Cornwall I went, and found the sands and the coves and the rocks +and the sea, just as Diana had said, nor was I disappointed in the back +view of Sara with her petticoats tucked into her bathing-drawers. It was +divine. She was delicious, too, paddling, and there were enough nurses +to prevent her doing more, if necessary, and Diana and I could, if we +liked, lie on the sands and watch the children. But it so happens that I +love building castles and making puddings, and, curiously enough, Diana +does too, and we were children once more with perhaps less hinge in our +backs than formerly, but still we enjoyed ourselves immensely. + +Betty, the first day, full of faith, tried to walk on the sea, and was +pulled out very wet and disappointed, and her faith a little shaken, +perhaps, for the moment. Hugh told her she didn't have faith hard +enough. "You must go like this," and he held his breath, threatening to +become purple in the face. + +"Could you now?" said Betty wistfully, when Hugh was at his reddest. + +"No!" he said, "because I burst. Aunt Woggles looked at me when I was +just believing very hard." + +Betty forgot that trouble in her infinite delight at discovering where +Heaven really was. She knew if she could just row out to the silver +pathway across the sea, it would lead straight to Heaven. "I know it +would," she said. + +Hugh objected because Heaven was in the sky, that he knew! Betty said +how did he know? + +"Well, look," said Hugh; "you can see it's all bright and blue and +shining, and angels fly, and you can't fly on the sea, so that shows." + +Betty wasn't sure of that because of flying-fish; she'd seen them in +a book where "F" was for flying-fish, so she knew. But Hugh knew that +angels weren't fish, because fish is good to eat and angels aren't. +I was glad the culinary knowledge of Hugh and Betty didn't extend to +"angels on horseback," or where should we have been in the abysses of +argument? + +We made expeditions which, as expeditions, were not a success. Sara +objected to leaving the object of her passing affections, a starfish +perhaps, and Hugh and Betty also always found treasures of their very +own, which they must just watch for just a little time, in case they +did something exciting. These things hinder! But still we did sometimes +reach another cove, and one day, in a very secluded one, I caught sight +of a pair of lovers. One can tell the most discreet of them at a glance, +and more than a glance I should never have given this pair had not the +girl, so much of her as I could see under a brown mushroom hat, been +very pretty. Her dress too was green muslin, which was in itself +compelling, and the boy with her, I felt sure, had passed no +examinations. And yet they were deliriously happy, that I could tell. +So the father wasn't so cruel, after all, and I doubted whether I should +have been the comfort to Veronica that she had anticipated. In fact, +I could easily imagine how greatly in the way I should have been. Poor +professional friend! That I had at least been spared from becoming. + +Veronica, no less than Betty, had discovered where Heaven really was, +and the boy had a clearer definition of angels than Hugh. Hugh was right +so far--they were in no way related to, or bore any resemblance to, +fish. They were angels pure and simple, and the most beautiful of them, +the most enchanting of them, wore a green muslin and a brown mushroom +hat. + +If I had been that young man, I should have objected to the dimensions +of that hat, but he didn't, I suppose. Not having passed his +examinations may have made a difference. He would later on, no doubt. It +is a pity, perhaps, that men have to pass examinations; it robs them of +much of their simplicity. + + + + +Chapter XV + + +Zerlina discovered, to her immense surprise, that she was near enough +to bring all her party to play with ours, and it was arranged that she +should do so on the first fine day. + +It so happened that all the days were fine, so every day Diana and I +watched for the small cloud in the distance that should herald their +approach, and one day it appeared, no bigger than a man's hand. When +it came nearer it was considerably bigger, and it finally assumed +the dimensions of Zerlina, Hyacinth, the twins, Teddy, and a small +nursery-maid. Betty was immensely delighted with the twins, her one +ambition in life being to have twins of her own. Failing that, and every +birthday only brought fresh disappointment in its wake, the care of +somebody else's was the next best thing. + +They really were delicious people, so round and so solemn. Hugh, for +the moment, was engrossed in Teddy; Teddy having, among other things, +a knife with "things in it," most of which he was mercifully unable to +open. It was the certainty of being able to do so on the part of Hugh, +which made him so deliriously busy. Sara was out of it, having no one +as yet to play with, and she was proud and disdainful in consequence. I +knew that Betty would shortly have one twin to spare, perhaps two, but +this Sara could not guess, knowing nothing of twins. + +"Now, Sara," I said, "we will build a castle all for our very own +selves." + +"Our velly, velly own selves," said Sara, hugging her spade with +ecstasy. "A velly, velly big castle." + +"Very, very big," I replied. + +"A bemormous castle?" + +"An enormous castle," I said, starting to dig the foundations. + +"Dat's a velly, velly vitty hole," said Sara. + +"It's going to be a castle, darling." + +"For Yaya to live in?" + +"Perhaps." + +"And Nannie and Aunt Woggles and Hugh and Betty and muvver?" + +Sara danced with joy at the prospect, and Sara dancing in +bathing-drawers was distracting. I dug industriously, however, and it +was very hot. Sara looked on, occasionally watering the castle and me +too. + +"Not too much water, darling," I said, "because it makes Aunt Woggles so +wet." + +Sara subsided for the moment. "Is it a velly big castle?" she asked +every now and then with evident anxiety. + +"It's going to be, darling," I said. + +"It's a velly, velly small castle now," she said sadly. + +I dug harder and harder, and it seemed to me that the castle was +becoming quite a respectable size, but Sara's interest had flagged. + +"Aunt Woggles," she said. + +"Yes, darling," I answered. + +"Sall we dig a velly, velly deep hole, velly, velly deep, for all ve +cwabs, and all ve vitty fish, and Nannie and Aunt Woggles?" + +"A very big hole," I said; "but look at the lovely castle!" + +"Yaya doesn't yike 'ollid ole castles," she said. + +I began to dig a hole. One does these things, I find, for the Saras of +this world, and Sara was for the moment enchanted, but it didn't last +long. + +"Yaya's so sirsty," she said. "Yaya wants a 'ponge cake." + +"I think you would rather have some milk, darling," I said. + +"Yaya's so sirsty," she said in a very sad voice. "Yaya would yike a +'ponge cake!" + +"Very well, darling; but don't you want to dig any more?" + +"No," she said. "Yaya doesn't yike digging." + +Now was that fair?--digging, indeed, when it was the poor aunt who had +been digging all the time. When I told Diana of this she shook her head +and said,-- "Betty, it frightens me. Do you think Sara will grow up that +sort of woman?" + +"What sort of woman?" + +"Like Polly in Charles Dudley Warner's 'My Summer in a Garden.' You +remember when the husband says, 'Polly, do you know who planted that +squash, or those squashes?'" + +"'James, I suppose.' + +"'Well, yes, perhaps James did plant them, to a certain extent. But who +hoed them?' + +"'We did.'" + +"Well, it seems to me," I said, "that she was rather a delightful +person." + +"In a book, absolutely delightful. I am only thinking of Sara's husband, +poor man! You see Polly's husband was an American, and that makes all +the difference. You remember I told you of a man I met who in decorating +his house wanted to have red walls as a background to his beautiful +pictures, and his wife wanted to have green. I asked him what he did, +and he said he made a compromise. I said how clever of him, how did he +do it? and he said, 'We had green!' You see, Betty, what an American +husband means!" + +"Well, to return to Sara's, you need not worry. I think he will, in +all probability, be in such raptures over the possession of anything +so delicious as Sara promises to be, that he will overlook these little +pluralities on her part." + +"Yes, Betty, of course; but does that sort of thing last?" + +"You ought to know, to a certain extent." + +"Ah! but then David is such a dear." + +"I think it is quite likely that Sara will find a dear too." + +"I hope so, oh! how I hope so!" said Diana. "I often wonder what it must +be to find you have given your daughter to some one who is unkind to +her. I can hardly imagine so great a sorrow! I dare not even think of +David the day Betty marries. He says he thinks it must be worse for a +father than a mother." + +"I wonder," I said. "I think a mother perhaps has a greater belief in +the goodness of men; a woman, a happy woman certainly, has so little +knowledge of men, other than her own." + +"Yes," said Diana, "a good father and a good husband give one a very +deep rooted faith and belief in the goodness of mankind generally. How +we are prosing, Betty!" + +Zerlina meanwhile sat on a rock, of the hardness of which she +complained. She found fault with our cove, the sun was too hot and the +wind was too strong. But then she had driven ten miles in a wagonette +under Teddy and the twins, so it was no wonder she grumbled a little. + +"I can't think," she said plaintively, "why my hair doesn't look nice +when it blows about in the wind, and I hate myself sun burnt. I can't +bear seeing my nose wherever I look. You and Betty are the stuff martyrs +are made of. It would be comparatively easy to walk to the stake if you +had the right amount of hair hanging down behind; without it, no amount +of religious conviction would avail. Oh dear, I used to have such lots, +before I had measles! I hardly knew what to do with it!" + +"That's rather what we find with Betty's," said Diana; "we plait it up +as tight as we can, don't we, darling?" she said, re-tying the ribbon +which secured Betty's very thick pigtail. + +"I had twice as much as Betty, at her age, I'm sure," said Zerlina, +forgetting a photograph which stands on Jim's dressing-table, of a small +fat girl with very little hair and that rather scraggy. But what does it +matter? These are the sort of traditions women cling to. + +Someone suggested building a steamship in the sand, grown-ups, children, +and all, and Hugh was told to go and make a second-class berth. He +retired to a short distance, and no sound coming from his direction, we +looked round and saw him in ecstatic raptures, rocking himself backward +and forward. + +"What are you doing, Hugh?" we said. + +"Well," said Hugh, "I was told to make a second-class berth. I suppose +that means twins, and I 'm nursing them." + +Zerlina took it quite well, and was easily persuaded that there was no +insult intended to her twins in particular. + +A few minutes later Sara appeared, triumphant, having apparently found a +small child to play with. + +"Who is your little friend, Sara?" I asked. + +She shook her head. She didn't know, but he was delicious to play with +for all that, and she bore him off in triumph. + +He was not long unsought, for a young girl came anxiously towards us and +said, "Have you seen a little boy?" + +It reminded me a little of the story, the other way round, of a lost boy +who asked a man, "Please, sir, have you seen a man without a little boy, +because if you have, I'm the little boy." + +She looked as anxious and as distraught as that little boy must have +looked, I am sure. + +"I think," said Diana, "you will find him behind that rock.--Sara," +called Diana, "bring the little boy here." + +A small portion of Sara's person appeared round the rock:--"We're velly +busy," she said. + +So rapidly do women make friendships! + +"He's quite safe," said Diana; "your little brother, I suppose?" + +The girl blushed. "No, I'm his mother," she said. + +She looked so young and so pretty, and her hair must have moved Zerlina +to tears, it was so beautiful, and grew so prettily on her forehead. But +she looked too young to be searching for lost babies all by herself. + +"How old is he?" asked Diana. + +"He's three," she said; then added, "his father never saw him; he went +to the war soon after we were married, and he was killed. Baby is just +like him," and she unfastened a miniature she wore on a chain round her +neck and handed it to Diana. + +I am sure Diana saw nothing but a blur, but she managed to say, "You +must be glad! Come and see my little girl, she is very much the same +age." + +"What an extraordinarily communicative person!" said Zerlina as they +walked off. "Just imagine telling strangers the whole of your history +like that. I wonder if her husband left her well off." + +"Can't you see he did?" I said. + +"No; I don't think she is very well dressed, but you never can tell with +that picturesque style of dressing. It may or may not be expensive; even +that old embroidery only means probably that she had a grandmother. +It is a terrible thing for a girl of that age to be left with a boy to +bring up. I know, Betty, just what you are thinking--cold, heartless, +mercenary Zerlina! But I'm practical." + +When Diana came back, I could see in her face that she knew all about +the poor little widow. It is wonderful what a comfort it seems to be +even to strangers to confide in Diana. For one thing I feel sure they +know that she won't tell, and that makes all the difference. It is a +relief sometimes to tell some one, although some things can be better +borne when nobody knows. But I imagine there was little bitterness in +the sorrow of this girl widow. She too had learned something from Diana, +for she turned to me and said, "Are you a relation of Captain Lisle?" + +"If his name is Archie," I said, "I am his sister." + +"I've met him," and she blushed. + +This, then, was the girl Archie longed to save from drowning, and who +inspired him with a desire to sing hymns on Sunday evenings. Dear old +Archie! I could imagine his tender, susceptible heart going out to the +little widow. But I said to myself, "It's no good, Archie dear, not yet +at all events, not while she looks as she does over the sea," for I was +sure it was far away in a grave on the lonely veldt that her heart was +buried. + +"He is so devoted to children, isn't he?" she said. "He was so good to +my baby. I find that men are so extraordinarily fond of children. I am +afraid they will spoil him." + +Whereupon the baby burst into a long dissertation on a present he had +lately received. It sounded something like this:-- + +"Mormousman give boy a yockerile an a epelan, anye yockerile yanan yan +all over de jurnmer yunder de hoha an eberelyyare." + +He then proceeded to turn bead over heels, or try to, and was sharply +rebuked by Sara, who rearranged his garments with stern severity, +and then was about to show him the right method, when she in turn was +stopped by Nannie. + +One of the twins arrived at this moment to say that Hugh had called him +bad names. Betty the peacemaker explained that Hugh had called him +a wicket keeper, and the twin had thought he had called him a wicked +keeper. So that was all right. We suggested that, in any case, the twin +wasn't the best person to be wicket keeper. But he went in twice running +to make up, and Hugh gave him several puddings as well. "Puddings," the +nursery-maid explained, were first balls, and didn't count. + +"Betty," I said, "you've got a hole in your stocking!" + +"I hope it 's not a Jacob's ladder," said Betty. + +"Hush, darling, hush," said Hugh; "you know we mustn't be irreverent!" + +It was during an interval when we rested and drank milk and ate cake, +those of us who would or could, that we discovered that the little widow +was staying with a very old friend of my father's and mother's. + +"And where does Lady Mary live?" asked Diana. + +"Just over there. Do come and see her; she will be so delighted to see +you and to show you the garden, which is quite famous." + + + + +Chapter XVI + + +The following day Diana got a delightful letter from Lady Mary asking us +to go to luncheon, or to tea, or to both, or whatever we liked best, so +long as it was at once, and that we stayed a long time, and brought all +the children. She offered to send for us, but going in a donkey-cart was +a stipulation on the part of the children, otherwise they could not or +would not tear themselves away from the sand and all its fascinations. +Sara was particularly offended at having to get out to tea, and more so +at not being allowed to go in her bathing-drawers. But a mushroom hat +trimmed with daisies appeased her, and even at that early age she saw +the incongruity of that hat and those nether garments. They were packed, +Hugh, Betty, Sara, and the nursery-maid, into the donkey-cart. Betty was +supposed to drive, but Hugh and Sara had so large a share in the stage +direction of that donkey, that I wonder we ever arrived. We did. +Our approach was not dignified. The donkey would eat the lawn at the +critical moment, and neither the stern rebukes of Sara, nor the gentle +persuasion of Betty, had any effect; neither, to tell the truth, had the +chastisements of Hugh. Of Diana's efforts and mine it is unnecessary +to speak; they only made us very hot. As to Nannie, she said she would +rather have ten children to deal with. + +There were horribly tidy and beautifully dressed people walking about on +the lawn, people who had never, I felt sure, been called upon to speak +unkindly to a donkey. It was a little tactless of them, I thought, in +view of our flushed cheeks, to appear so calm and cool, but they were +quite kind, and I noticed that Diana as usual held a little court of her +own, not entirely as the mother of Sara, either. Hugh and Betty too made +friends, and hearing shouts of laughter coming from Hugh's audience, I +went, aunt-like, to see what was happening, and I heard Hugh saying:-- + +"I've got another! What did the skeleton--" + +"Hugh," I said, "I want you!" + +"I'm asking riddles, Aunt Woggles." + +"Yes, but have you seen the tortoise?" + +The situation was saved. + +I look back to the rest of that afternoon, and it is all blur and +confusion. I remember the loveliness of the gardens, the peeps of +distant moorland through arches of pink ramblers. I remember how the sun +shone and how beautiful everything was, and above all and through all +those confused memories I hear the quiet, gentle voice of Lady Mary as +she talked to me of things of which I had thought no one knew anything. +She asked me, I remember, if I would like to see the garden, and I loved +her for her graciousness, her affection, and for her love for my mother. +I could see even in the way she looked at me that it was of my mother he +was thinking, and I remember, in answer to her question whether I liked +the garden, saying I thought it was quite beautiful and so peaceful! + +She said, "That is what I feel, the peace of it all. But you, dear +Betty, are too young to feel that. It is as we grow older that the +promise of peace holds out so much. But to the young, life is before +them!" + +All that, I remember quite clearly, and a little more. I can still see +Lady Mary, so beautiful, so calm, so confident in the peace which the +future held for her. Then all of a sudden came these words, "Betty, I +liked your hero so much; what happened?" + +It was a too sudden opening of prison doors. I was blinded by the light. +I could say nothing. My secret, I felt, was wrested from me. I had +ceased almost to try to hide it, it seemed so safe. What--could I say? + +Lady Mary went on: "It is not from curiosity that I ask, but from a very +real and deep interest. Your dear mother used so often to talk of your +future. Her love for you was very wonderful, Betty." + +I looked away to the purple hills and longed to escape, but she laid her +hand on mine with a gentle pressure. "I liked him so much. His gentle +chivalry appealed to me; it is a thing one does not meet every day. Some +one, I remember, described him as being as hard as nails and full of +sentiment, which was a charming description of a delightful character +and a rare combination. All women, I think, would have their heroes +strong, and the sentiment makes all the difference in life. If it is +money, Betty dear, as I imagine it is, that must come right. It was +money?" + +"His father got into difficulties, no fault of his own, that--and +friends made mischief." + +"And he is helping his father," continued Lady Mary. "And while he is +doing that, he thinks he has no right to bind a woman." + +How could I say when I didn't know? "Men make that mistake; they forget +how much easier it is for a woman to wait bound than to be free, not +knowing. They don't distinguish between the woman who wants to get +married and the woman who loves. Remember, Betty, how hard it must be +for him. I am not sure that his is not the harder part." + +"If he cares," I said. + +"I am sure he cares," said Lady Mary softly. "There are secrets that are +not mine, Betty, but there is one that is--the money shall come right. I +had been looking out for a hero for some time when I met yours. This +is strictly between ourselves, and you must remember that all my young +people are so ludicrously well off, that an old woman doing as she likes +with her own will do no one any harm. If I had had children, that, of +course, would have made a difference. To me, who have lived the quiet +life I have lately lived, the soldier, the man of action, appeals very +strongly. Much as I love this place, it seems to me that I should love +it still more if it came as quiet after a storm, a haven of rest after +the battle of life." + +Then she spoke of Diana. "Hers is a wonderful character, and I often +think how beautiful it is that she should follow your dear mother at +Hames." + +"You feel that?" I said. + +"Very, very strongly, dear. How happy it must have made her to feel that +her grandchildren should have such a mother. I may be wrong, and you +will smile at an old woman's prejudice and think that she is looking +back with prejudiced eyes into that wonderful past which is always so +much better than any present. I am not, but still it seems to me that +Diana has something that all young people have not got nowadays, a +reverence for the old, an admiration for the good, and a pity for the +poor and distressed. These things take you far through life, dear, and, +combined with her wonderful vitality and beauty, make her a power. + +"Talking of your beautiful mother, it was said years ago that she was +the only woman of whom I had ever been jealous. I am old enough to +tell you these things. It is the privilege of the old to enlist the +sympathies of the young! But it was not true. I had every reason to be +jealous, as had most women I ever saw, but jealousy in connection with +anything so perfect as your mother, I think, was not possible. Her +beauty was of the kind which disarms jealousy. It was beyond comparison +or criticism. It seemed to belong to another world, and yet she was so +tender to the sinners, so understanding, so full of loving kindness. +Hers was a beauty of the soul as well as the body, and that beauty is as +remote from the everyday prettiness as the earth is from the stars. Her +expression had something of the divine in it, as if she had seen God +face to face. I see the same look coming in Diana's face. Old Sir George +used to say it would be worth committing a sin to be forgiven by your +mother. He said her look was a benediction." + +As I said good-by to Lady Mary, she held my hand and said, "Betty dear, +you will some day forgive an interfering old woman, and in days to come, +when you look to these distant hills, you will remember this day with a +kind thought for your beautiful mother's old friend." + +"Isn't Lady Mary a darling?" said Diana, as we walked home through the +scented lanes on that most wonderful of summer evenings. "You look as if +you had been seeing visions, Betty, quite dazed like, as Nannie used to +say." + +"I often see visions," I said. + +"Have you been crying, Aunt Woggles?" said Hugh. "Were all the peaches +gone when you got back?" + +Betty slipped her little hand into mine. "You promised to let me walk +with you for a little. Shall we pick honeysuckle, supposing we see any?" + +"Yes, we will, darling." + +"Supposing you can't reach it," she said. + +"There is always some within reach." + +"I suppose grown-ups can always reach things," said Betty. + +Later, in the quiet darkness of the night, I could picture the garden, +the roses, the distant moor, Lady Mary's beautiful face, but I could not +bring myself to believe that I had really heard those words, "I am sure +that he cares." + +Surely I had dreamed them, or Lady Mary had, because if they were true, +why had he said nothing? How should he have told her what he could not +tell me? + + + + +Chapter XVII + + +Then came that wonderful morning on which I read that Captain Paul +Buchanan was coming home, was expected to arrive that very day. I opened +the paper at breakfast, as usual and my eyes caught the word that at +any time had the power to set my heart thumping and to send the blood +rushing to my head, a word common enough, and which to most people, +beyond relating to a country always interesting, means little--Africa. +It is curious that a day that is to change the whole of one's life +should begin exactly like any other day. Of the most important things we +have no premonition, most of us. + +That what I longed and prayed for every hour of my life should come to +pass was not wonderful, but that a day on which I was to be called to +make the greatest sacrifice of my life should steal stealthily upon me +seems strange. + +That morning when I came downstairs, my little house in Chelsea looked +exactly like it always had done. The sun shone as the sun does shine +in the early winter in London, and no more, until after I had read that +paragraph; then, behold a new world was born. Why had my eyes been +blind to the gloriousness of the morning? Why had I thought the day an +ordinarily dull one with just the amount of pale sunshine which is meted +out to those happy people who are wise enough to live within easy reach +of the river? Yes, I know, some people do say that Chelsea is foggy. + +It depends so much on their lives. No place could be foggy to me that +day. My fear was that Nannie should read the news in my face. I looked +away when she said, "Anything in the paper?" as she had said a hundred +times before. She always came to see me eat my breakfast, so she said, +but I knew it was really to hear the news. I handed her the paper, +although I hated to let the words out of my sight, and she glanced at +it. She paused and walked to the window. Kind Nannie, she was giving me +time. She blew her nose, she was crying, she knew. A double knock at the +door brought my heart to a standstill. Lady Mary was right, he did care. +It seemed hours before the telegram was brought to me. I hardly dared +to open it. There is some happiness too great to bear. I opened it and +read:-- + + +Sara very ill. Come at once. + + DIANA + +"Nannie," I said, "I am going to Hames." + +"To-day?" she said. She knew it was my day of days. + +"I must, Nannie. Will you come?" + +"No; I'll stay here. Poor Mrs. David, whatever will she do?" + +I could hardly imagine, and I am glad to remember that my sorrow seemed +a small thing compared to hers. + +It would be impossible for me to describe that journey. The train crept +along. It seemed to stop hours at the station. No one seemed to remember +that Sara was ill. I felt the grip of a cold hand on my heart. Should +I ever arrive? I did at last, and found a groom waiting for me at the +station, with a dogcart. His mouth twitched, and he could hardly control +his voice to tell me that there was no fresh news. The carriages were +wanted for the doctors; did I mind the dogcart? Mind? I could have urged +the horse to a gallop, and yet I dreaded to arrive. + +It was strange to pass through the quiet, deserted hall, up the stairs, +and to hear no sound. A nurse opened a door and spoke in a whisper. I +went into the room, and not until I saw Diana, so lovely in her grief, +did I realize the agony of her suffering. She put out her hand and +silently pressed mine. I turned away so that she should not see my face. + +A man, a stranger to me, sat by the bedside, his eyes fixed on the child +lying there. He was the great London doctor, in whom I could see all +hope was centered. There were other doctors and nurses, I believe, but +it all seemed confusion to me now; but poor, broken hearted Nannie I +remember. She stood at a distance. Not a sound was uttered, and I took +up my watch with the others, to watch that precious life ebbing away. +The soft flitting backward and forward of nurses, a word now and then +from the great man who held not only the life of Sara in his hands, but, +it seemed to me, the life of my beautiful Diana, only broke the intense +silence. The night came on and we still watched. + +The doctor's face became sterner and graver and the little life weaker, +or so it seemed to me. Diana knelt at the side of the bed. She never +moved. + +As the dawn broke, Sara opened her eyes and said, "Nannie." + +Diana rose and beckoned to Nannie. Nannie hesitated, and Diana, taking +her hand, whispered, "Dear Nannie, I am so glad," and gave up her place. +It is not given to all of us to reach great heights, but Diana at that +moment, I think, reached the divine in human nature. Then came the +moment, too wonderful to think of, when the doctor told Diana that the +great danger was over. + +Later he said to David, "My boy, you have given your children the +greatest of all blessings in their mother. Thank God for her every +moment of your life. I've seen many mothers and many sick children, +but--thank God, and don't forget it." + +Dear David, I think most of us thank God oftener than we know and in +many and divers ways, and I am not sure that David does not do it every +time he looks at Diana. + + + + +Chapter XVIII + + +Sara, having got over the crisis and being on the fair road to +recovery,--children recover quickly,--my heart turned towards home--and +a longing to get back obsessed me. I could think of nothing but home, +now that Diana's immediate need of me was over. She begged me to stay +with her. To fail her at such a moment was a great grief to me, but I +could make no further sacrifice. I must go home. + +"I must go, David," I urged. + +"Of course, if you must, you must, Betty, but I should have thought +after all Diana has gone through, you would have stayed with her. You +have always been so much to each other." + +How he hurt me, as if I wouldn't do anything in the world for Diana; but +I must go home. + +"David," I said in desperation, "I must go. If I promise to come back +directly, you won't misunderstand my going?" + +"I'll try to understand, Betty, that you have some very strong reason +for going back." + +"Thank you, David," I said. + +"But," he continued, "you must tell Diana yourself." + +I went to her room, where she was lying down. "Diana, darling," I said, +"I want very much to go home, if only for a day." + +"Of course, Betty, you must go. But don't look so distressed. I must +have been selfish if I gave you the impression that I would not let you +go. It is only that I love so having you, you are such a rock, and +oh! it seems like some awful and terrible dream we have been through, +doesn't it? Sara asked for her darling bunny today. Think what that +means! Darling Betty, I pray that some great happiness may come to you +some day. I begin to believe that the greatest joys come through the +greatest sorrows." + +"Don't, Diana," I whispered. "I can't bear you to be too kind. I suppose +it's all we've been through, but I feel." + +"I know, Betty," she whispered. "I lie here too tired to do anything but +thank God. I ache with thankfulness, for you among other blessings. Come +back soon." + +"What did Diana say?" asked David, who was waiting outside the door. +"Did she understand?" + +"Understand? Did you ever know a time when Diana didn't understand?" + +I went. Oh, the joy of setting out towards home! That ridiculously small +house in Chelsea in which were centered all my hopes. Some word might +be there waiting for me. Nannie might have thought nothing of sufficient +importance to forward at such a moment. How I hoped that was it, and +that it might be there, else all my hopes were shattered. + +I opened the door with my latchkey. I looked. No telegram lay on the +table; that I saw at a glance. Then Nannie appeared. She was crying. + +"Nannie," I said, "don't cry, she is much better, and is going to get +quite well; only I had to come home." + +How explain to Nannie that I had left Sara and Diana at such a moment! + +"Your bat's crooked," said Nannie. + +"You ridiculous old person," I said, "what does that matter?" Nannie +sniffed. I put my hat straight. "Is that better?" + +"Yes, it's better, it'll do," she answered, not quite satisfied, +evidently. I wondered why she asked no questions. Why had I come home to +this? No wonder David had been surprised at my leaving Diana! What was +the use? + +Then Nannie said with a startling suddenness, "Some one is waiting for +you upstairs." + +"Someone for me, Nannie. What do you mean?" + +"He's waiting," she said, between laughter and sobs. "He's waiting." + +I often wonder how I had the strength to go upstairs and open the +door. But I did, and there surely enough he stood, only a few feet of +green-painted boards separating us. How I crossed them I never knew. He +came halfway, no doubt. + +I should never have done the journey alone, and I wondered too how it +was we met as lovers! That was the most wonderful part of all. How, when +I did not even know that he cared, could it have happened? It was all +too wonderful, and I was too dazed with happiness to question anything +at the moment. I only knew that the world had become a paradise, and +that the past years of doubt and perplexity had fallen away like a +disused garment. + +Then we began to talk, and the mystery deepened. He spoke of a telegram. +I had never received one! And my telegram? I had never sent one! He +laughed, and when I said I didn't understand, he said what was the use +of understanding when knowing was sufficient? + +It was all very puzzling, but I was content. There was so much to talk +of, so many explanations to make and to hear! But in time we came back +to the telegram. There had been no such thing! + +He laughed. "I have it here," he said, putting his hand on his +coat-pocket. + +"Show it to me," I pleaded. + +Never; it was his, and his alone. + +"But nothing is yours now that is not mine," I urged, "at least, if you +have asked me to marry you." + +"Betty," he said, "I quite forgot. I came home for the express purpose +of doing so. I have thought and dreamed of nothing else, all through the +long marches in Africa; all the way home I have thought of that and of +your answer. Betty, will you marry me?" + +"I shall be delighted, Captain Buchanan. But where is my telegram to +you, your telegram to me?" + +"It. I think Nannie must have one." + +"And did she answer it? Oh, what did she say?" + +"Never mind; she said exactly the right thing. Don't let's discuss +Nannie's telegram when we have to make up for the silence of years! +O Betty! shall I wake up?" + +A little later he said, "Tell me, did you care that night at the +Frasers'?" + +I said I never remembered a time when I didn't care. + +"O Betty! if only you hadn't been so proud!" + +"Or you so horribly ununderstandable!" + + + + +Chapter XIX + + +"You wonderful Nannie," I said later, as I sat at her feet, "how did you +do it?" + +"Quite easily," said Nannie. "When I saw that you must go to Hames, as +of course you had to, I thought to myself, I'll wait! Years ago my lady +said to me, I Nannie, don't let my child throw away her own chance of +happiness. I feel that a day may come when she will be called upon to +make a sacrifice, and she will make it, regardless of her own feelings. +You were always giving up your toys and things to the boys; that's what +made your mother think of it. The day she spoke of came the morning the +telegram came from Hames. I had been waiting and waiting so as to be +sure to do what your mother told me, and the day came. You see, I saw +the paper, and I knew!" + +"How, Nannie? No one knew, I thought." + +"Ah, nannies know things; much use they'd be in this world if they +didn't? I know lots of things I'm not supposed to! Well, I waited, and +no telegram came from him that day. There were all sorts of things about +him in the evening paper, being a hero and a lion and all those sort of +things. Then the next day the telegram came. The ship had been late; you +never can tell with ships. Leave ships to sailors, I say. Well, I opened +the telegram. It said, 'Will you see me if I come straight to you?' or +some such words, and I answered it." + +"What did you say, Nannie?" + +"I don't see that that matters. There's nothing in words, and I'm no +scholar." + +"Nannie dear, it does matter. It meant everything in the world to me. If +only you knew how happy I am, how ridiculously happy." + +"It's all right, then. I've done what she said." A rapturous smile +illuminated her old face. + +"All right, Nannie?" + +Only a hug can express some things. Nannie straightened her cap. "Well, +then," she said, drawing herself up, "I couldn't do it for sixpence, +it cost ninepence halfpenny. I said, 'Come. Been waiting for you for +years.'" + +"Nannie!" I exclaimed. + + +THE END + + + + + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Professional Aunt, by Mary C.E. 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Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + http://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. diff --git a/5736-8.zip b/5736-8.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..39442e2 --- /dev/null +++ b/5736-8.zip diff --git a/5736-h.zip b/5736-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d3f8419 --- /dev/null +++ b/5736-h.zip diff --git a/5736-h/5736-h.htm b/5736-h/5736-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e8c4b4a --- /dev/null +++ b/5736-h/5736-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,5440 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="iso-8859-1"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + The Professional Aunt, by Mary C. E. Wemyss + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Professional Aunt, by Mary C.E. Wemyss + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Professional Aunt + +Author: Mary C.E. Wemyss + +Release Date: April 23, 2009 [EBook #5736] +Last Updated: February 7, 2013 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PROFESSIONAL AUNT *** + + + + +Produced by Sean Pobuda, and David Widger + + + + + + +</pre> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + THE PROFESSIONAL AUNT + </h1> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h2> + By Mary C. E. Wemyss + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <blockquote> + <p class="toc"> + <big><b>CONTENTS</b></big> + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0001"> Chapter I </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0002"> Chapter II </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0003"> Chapter III </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0004"> Chapter IV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0005"> Chapter V </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0006"> Chapter VI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0007"> Chapter VII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0008"> Chapter VIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0009"> Chapter IX </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0010"> Chapter X </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0011"> Chapter XI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0012"> Chapter XII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0013"> Chapter XIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0014"> Chapter XIV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0015"> Chapter XV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0016"> Chapter XVI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0017"> Chapter XVII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0018"> Chapter XVIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0019"> Chapter XIX </a> + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2HCH0001" id="link2HCH0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <h2> + Chapter I + </h2> + <p> + A boy's profession is not infrequently chosen for him by his parents, + which perhaps accounts for the curious fact that the shrewd, business-like + member of a family often becomes a painter, while the artistic, + unpractical one becomes a member of the Stock Exchange, in course of time, + naturally. + </p> + <p> + My profession was forced upon me, to begin with, by my sisters-in-law, and + in the subsequent and natural order of things by their children—my + nephews and nieces. + </p> + <p> + Zerlina says it is the duty of one woman in every family to be an aunt. By + that she means of course a professional aunt. She says she does not + understand the longing on the part of unattached females—the + expression is hers, not mine—for a larger sphere of usefulness than + that which aunt hood offers. She considers that it affords full scope for + the energies of any reasonably constituted woman; and no doubt, if the + professional aunt was all that Zerlina says she should be, she would have + her time fully occupied in the discharging of her duties. + </p> + <p> + Zerlina cannot see that it is not exactly a position of a woman's own + choosing, although under strong pressure she has been known to admit that + there have been cases in which women have been made aunts whether they + would or no; and she thinks it is perhaps by way of protest against such + usage that they so shamefully neglect their duties in that walk of life to + which their bothers and sister-in-law have seen fit to call them. + </p> + <p> + Of course, when an aunt marries, she loses at once all the perfecting of + the properly constituted aunt; and that is a thing to be seriously + considered. Is she wise in leaving a profession for which all her + sisters-in-law think she is admirably fitted, for one which the most + experienced pronounce a lottery? + </p> + <p> + This is all of course written from Zerlina's point of view. She requires + of a professional aunt many things. She must, to begin with, remember the + birthdays of all her nephews and nieces, of Zerlina's children in + particular. If she remembers their birthdays, it stand to reason, + Zerlina's reason, that the sequence of thought is—presents. + </p> + <p> + The really successful aunt knows the particular taste of each nephew and + niece. She knows, moreover, the exact moment at which the taste changes + from a love for woolly rabbits to a passion for steam engines. Instinct + tells her at what age a child maybe promoted, with safety, from wool to + paint, and she knows the critical moment in a boy's life when a Bible + should be bestowed. It usually, or perhaps I should say my experience is + that it usually, follows the first knife, an ordinary two-bladed knife, + and comes the birthday before a knife—"with things in it." The real + boy must have a knife with things in it: a corkscrew,—I wonder why a + corkscrew?—a buttonhook, a thing to take stones out of horses' + hoofs, a thing to mend traces with—I know I am ignorant of the + technical terms—but the hardest-hearted shop-assistant will never + fail to help a professional aunt in the choice of a knife, unless by + chance he should be unhappy enough never to have been a boy, and such + cases are rare. + </p> + <p> + I used often to wonder why boys wanted all these things. Now I know, + because I asked Dick and he said, "You see, Aunt Woggles, I use them for + other things." I am not sure that most of us don't do the same thing with + many of our most cherished possessions in life. + </p> + <p> + As regards steam-engines Zerlina lays down a distinct law. They must never + burst—that is an injury no sister-in-law would ever forgive—and + paint must never come off. If Zerlina had known and loved the taste of + crimson lake in the days of her youth, she would never draw so hard and + fast a line. + </p> + <p> + From the earliest moment in a baby's career, the professional aunt takes + upon herself serious responsibilities. She may not, for instance, like any + ordinary aunt, pass the baby in his perambulator, out walking. Any other + aunt may, with perfect propriety, say, "Hullo, duckie, where's auntie?" + and pass on. She knows the danger of stopping, and seeks to avoid it. Not + so the professional aunt. She realizes the danger and faces it. She knows + she will have to wait, for the sake of the child's character, until he + shall choose to say, "Ta-ta." + </p> + <p> + He will probably, if he is a healthy child, say everything he knows but + that. He will go through his limited vocabulary in a pathetically obliging + manner, making the most beautiful "moo-moos" and "quack-quacks," but he + will not say, "Ta-ta." Why should he? On persuasion, and more especially + if the interview should take place at a street-corner on a windy March + day, he will repeat the "moo-moos" and "quack-quacks" even more + successfully than before, and he will wonder in what way they fall short + of perfection, since he earns no praise. He likes to be rewarded with, + "Kevver boy." We all do, just as a matter of form, if nothing else. Surely + ordinary politeness demands it. + </p> + <p> + He will not say, "Ta-ta," though. Who knows but what it is innate + politeness on his part and his way of saying, "Oh, don't go! What a flying + visit!" + </p> + <p> + However, the professional aunt cannot be sure of this, although she can + guess; so she must wait patiently, for the sake of Baby's morals and + nurse's feelings, until he does say, "Ta-ta." We may suppose that he at + last loses his temper and says it, meaning, no doubt, "For goodness sake, + go!" if not something stronger. The nurse is satisfied, the aunt is + released, and the conscientious objector is wheeled away. + </p> + <p> + Besides ministering to the soul of a baby the aunt must tend to its bodily + needs, and for this reason she must be a good needlewoman. + </p> + <p> + Before the arrival of the first nephew or niece, when she is very + unprofessional, she will hastily put her work under the sofa or behind the + cushion when any one comes into the room. As she grows older and more + professional, and the nephews and nieces become more numerous, she will + give up hiding her work. People who are intimately connected with the + family will show no surprise, and to inquisitive strangers, unless she is + very religious, she can murmur something about a crèche, so long, of + course, as Zerlina is not there. + </p> + <p> + The really successful aunt, one who is at the top of her profession, can + perfectly well be trusted to take all the children to the Zoo alone; that + is to say, without a nurse, and of course without the mother. The mother + knows how pleased and gratified an aunt feels on being given the entire + charge of the children. The nurse is gratified too; in fact every one is + pleased, with perhaps the exception of the aunt. But it is against + professional etiquette for her to say so. She only wonders why mothers + think a privilege they hold so lightly—taking the children to the + Zoo—should be so esteemed by other women. But as the old story goes, + "Hush, darling, hush, the doctor knows best," so must we say,—"Mothers + know best." + </p> + <p> + Another qualification in a professional aunt, desirable if not + indispensable, is tact. If she should be possessed of ever so little, it + will save her a considerable amount of bother. She won't, in a moment of + mental aberration, praise dark-eyed children to Zerlina, whose children + have blue eyes. Should she do so, by some unlucky chance, it would take + several expeditions to the Zoo, and probably one to Kew, before things + were as they were. If Zerlina, however, should, by the expedition of the + aunt and children to Kew, be enabled to do something she very much wanted + to do, and couldn't, because the nurse's father was ill, and the + nursery-maid anemic, the little misunderstanding will have disappeared by + the time the aunt returns from Kew, and Zerlina will say, after carefully + counting the children,—it is this mathematical tendency in mothers + that hurts an aunt,—"I do trust you implicitly with the children, + dear. You know that; it isn't every one I could trust; you are so capable! + I wish I were, but one can't be everything. Of course you don't understand + a mother's feelings." + </p> + <p> + I sometimes wonder why Zerlina always says this to me. I have never + pretended to be anything but an aunt. + </p> + <p> + But to return to my profession. As the children grow older the duties of + the aunt become more arduous. For the benefit of schoolboy nephews with + exeats, she must have an intimate acquaintance with the Hippodrome, any + exhibition going, every place of instruction, of a kind, or amusement. She + must be thoroughly up in matinees, and know what plays are frightfully + exciting, and she must have a nice taste in sweets. She need not + necessarily eat them; it is perhaps better if she does not. But she must + know where the very best are to be procured. She must never get tired. She + must love driving in hansoms and going on the top of 'buses. She must know + where the white ones go, and where the red ones don't, although a mistake + on her part is readily forgiven, if it prolongs the drive without + curtailing a performance of any kind. This requires great experience. She + must set aside, moreover, a goodly sum every year for professional + expenses. + </p> + <p> + The foregoing are a few of the qualifications which Zerlina thinks + essential in aunts. There are others, and the greatest of them is love. + Zerlina forgot to mention that. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0002" id="link2HCH0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter II + </h2> + <p> + But Diana! That is another story. Open the windows wide, let in the fresh + air, the whispering of trees, the song of the birds, and all that is good + and beautiful in nature. The very thought of Diana is sunshine. She is as + God meant us to be, happy and good, believing in the goodness of others, + slow to find evil in them, quick to forgive it, infinitely pitiful of the + sorrows of the suffering. This is Diana, and she has three children, + Betty, Hugh, and Sara. Allah be praised! + </p> + <p> + You do not imagine that I dislike Zerlina, do you? I should be sorry to + give that impression. But a professional aunt must be above all things + absolutely straightforward and truthful. + </p> + <p> + I had been engaged for weeks to go to Hames for the first shoot, and an + urgent telegram from Zerlina, followed by a feverish letter, failed to + move me from my purpose. The telegram, by the way, ran as follows: "Can + you Tuesday for fortnight. Do. Urgent. ZERLINA." I wondered why Zerlina + elected to leave out "come." If I had been strictly economizing, I should + have saved on the "do." The letter followed in due course of time:— + </p> + <p> + Dear Betty, I have just sent a wire in frantic haste asking you to come + [that was exactly what she had not done] on Tuesday for a fortnight. I + should so much like you to see something of the children, and Baby really + is very fascinating. She is such a fat child, much fatter than Muriel's + baby, who is six months older. The fact is, Jim is rather run down; + nothing much, of course, but I think a change would do him good, and the + Staveleys have asked us to go to them, and I don't like to refuse, and we + thought it would be such a good opportunity to have my bedroom re-papered + and painted. I don't believe you would smell the paint, and in any case I + believe there is some new kind of paint which smells delicious, like + stephanotis, I am told, so I will order that. I would not ask you to come + just as we are going away, because I should like to be at home to see you, + but I could go away so happily if you were with the children; I often + think for a woman without children, you are so wonderfully understanding, + about children, I mean. You could manage nurse, too, I am sure. She is in + one of her moods just now, and I feel I must get away from all worries for + a little. + </p> + <p> + Yours, + </p> + <p> + ZERLINA + </p> + <p> + P. S.—Jim is so well, and would send his love if he were here. + </p> + <p> + I telegraphed back, of course, directly I got Zerlina's telegram, saying I + could not come, and answered the letter at leisure. It is as a + sister-in-law in relation to the aunt that Diana particularly shines. This + aunt she looks upon as something more than useful, and asks her to stay at + other times than when the children have measles, and whooping-cough, or + the bedroom is to be re-papered. Zerlina perhaps is unfortunate. She says, + "Have you ever noticed how the children always have something when you + come to stay?" Zerlina is quite pretty when she puts her head on one side. + I answer, "Yes, Zerlina, I have noticed it curiously enough," but I do not + say that I suspect that at the very first sound of a cough, at the very + first appearance of a rash, this aunt is urged to come and stay. + </p> + <p> + Diana accepts such services; the mother of such creatures as Betty, Hugh, + and Sara is forced to do so by very reason of their existence. But those + services she accepts with generous appreciation; not that an aunt wants + thanks, but being human, pitifully so, even the most professional of them, + she is conscious where they are not expressed, in some form or other. A + smile is enough. + </p> + <p> + So to Hames I went, in spite of Zerlina's appeal, with treasures deep down + in my box for Betty, Hugh, and Sara. Sara is of all babes in the world the + most fascinating, say sisters-in-law other than Diana what they will. As a + tribute to this fascination, the largest white rabbit, woolly to a degree + undreamed of—at least I hoped so—in Sara's world, was + carefully packed in my box, wrapped cunningly in tissue-paper, and guarded + on all sides by clothing of a soft description. I have known a chiffon + skirt put to strange uses in the interests of Sara. + </p> + <p> + I found the carriage waiting for me, and was touched to see that Croft, + the old coachman, had come to meet me himself. It is an honor he does the + family with perhaps two or three exceptions. When he comes to meet me, + there is a regular program to be gone through. It varies only in a very + slight degree and begins like this:— + </p> + <p> + I say, "Well, Croft, it is very nice to see you," and he says, "The same + to you, miss, and many of them." He then begins to "riminize"; the word is + his own. He begins with the auspicious day on which I was born, and + describes how he himself went to fetch the doctor in the dead of the + night. He describes minutely his costume and the part the elements played + on the occasion; they were evidently very much upset. He then goes on to + say how he held me on my first pony, and taught me to ride and drive. + Having finally certificated me as competent to drive a pair of horses + under any circumstances, I ask how the children are, Sara in particular. + Here Croft looks heavenward, and says she looks a picture, and adds that + she looks very like me. The footman knows that here the program is at an + end, Croft having no greater praise to bestow on mortal woman, and he + opens the carriage door and I get in. + </p> + <p> + Diana knows what it is to travel t he distance of three miles in the + suffocating embraces of Hugh and Betty; otherwise she would probably have + sent the children to meet me. + </p> + <p> + The smell of the brougham brought my childhood vividly back to me. I shut + my eyes and instinctively put out my hand; and that hand that was always + held out to us as children took mine in its loving clasp, and I was a + child again, home from a visit, so glad to feel that hand again and to see + that mother from whom it was agony to be parted, for even a short space of + time. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0003" id="link2HCH0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter III + </h2> + <p> + When I arrived at Hames, Diana, tall, fair, and beautiful as a Diana + should be, was on the doorstep to meet me. Diana, by the way, had been + christened "Diana Elizabeth," in case she should have turned out short and + dumpy and, by some miraculous chance, dark. I looked for Sara in the tail + of Diana's gown,—I am afraid this is a literary license, as Diana + does not wear tails to her gowns in the country as a rule,—but Sara + was not there. + </p> + <p> + "She is not there," said Diana. "The children are in the wildest state of + excitement, and will you faithfully promise to go up and see them directly + you have had tea?" + </p> + <p> + I would willingly have gone then and there, and murmured something about + my box, and Diana said she hoped I had not brought them anything. + </p> + <p> + "Oh! nothing," I said; "only the smallest things possible"; knowing all + the time that the woolly rabbit was, of its kind, unrivaled. But these are + professional expenses, and what I spend does not afterwards give me a + moment's worry. I have seen David, on the other hand, speechlessly + miserable after buying a mezzotint, for the time being only, of course; + the joy cometh in the morning, when Diana proves to him that it was the + only thing to do, and that it was really quite wonderful, the way in which + he was led to buy it. He had had no idea of doing so. Not the slightest! + And yet something within him urged him to buy it. Absolutely urged him! + </p> + <p> + Then, Diana said, it was clearly meant. If a man deliberately set out on a + fine morning, bent on spending more than he could afford, then—! + Diana's "then" is always so comforting. + </p> + <p> + I am so afraid you will spoil the children, she said; "they expect + presents, which is so dreadful. Hugh bet sixpence at lunch that you would + bring him something, and he said to poor Mr. Hardy, You didn't." + </p> + <p> + "But he will next time, Diana," I said. + </p> + <p> + "Of course he will; that is the dreadful part of it." + </p> + <p> + It is right that Diana should feel like that. A mother's point of view and + another's, an aunt's, for instance, are totally different things, and I + told Diana that, while fully appreciating her anxieties regarding the + characters of her children, considered that to destroy a child's faith in + an aunt was little short of criminal. But I promised that the next time I + came I would, perhaps, not bring them anything. "But I shall give them + fair warning." + </p> + <p> + Diana admitted the justice of this, and she said, with a sigh of relief, + "I can't bear the children to be disappointed; a disappointed Sara is—" + </p> + <p> + "Diana," I interrupted, "is it wise to begin Saraing at this time of day?" + </p> + <p> + In reality the woolly rabbit was tugging at my heartstrings and clamoring + to be unpacked. After a hurried tea, which I was obliged to have for the + sake of Bindon's feelings, I went upstairs, resolved to disinter at all + costs, without delay, the rabbit. I felt great anxiety lest in transit the + machinery which made the rabbit squeak in a way that surely no rabbit, + mechanical or otherwise,—particularly the otherwise, I hoped,—had + ever squeaked before, might be impaired; happily it was not. + </p> + <p> + Having carefully shut the door and silenced the attendant housemaid, I + took the precaution of burying the rabbit partially under the eider-down + quilt before testing the squeak, so that no noise should reach the + children. I am afraid I "mothered" the squeak of that rabbit if I imagined + it could reach anywhere so far; it was in reality such a very small one. + But such as it was, it was perfect, in spite of the deadening effect of + the quilt, and I pictured Sara's dimples dimpling. How she would love it! + The treasure was carefully wrapped up again, and I tried hard to make it + look like anything rather than a rabbit, in case Sara should try, by + feeling it, to discover its nature. + </p> + <p> + Jane, the housemaid, said that no one could tell, no matter how much they + tried; if they tried all day, they wouldn't, that she knew for sure; which + was very consoling. + </p> + <p> + I then examined Hugh's train and Betty's cooking-stove, and found them + intact, with, the exception of a saucepan lid. This, after a search, we + found under the wardrobe. Why do things always go under things? Jane + didn't know—she only knew they did. Then I opened the door and + called. + </p> + <p> + Suddenly I heard a noise unearthly in its shrillness: it was Hugh calling + his Aunt Woggles. He threw himself into my arms, keeping one eye, I could + not help noticing, on the parcels. During the hug, which gave him plenty + of time to make up his mind, he evidently decided which was for him; for + he relaxed his hold and went to the table by the window, on which the + parcels lay, whistling in as careless a manner as a boy bursting with + excitement could do. First of all he stood on one leg, then on the other, + and looked knowingly at me out of the corner of his eye. He was too honest + to pretend that he thought the parcel was for some other boy, since there + was no other. When the excitement became more than he could bear, he sang + in a sing-song voice, "I see it, I see it!" + </p> + <p> + "Open it, then," I said, which he proceeded to do with great energy, if + with little success. + </p> + <p> + "I b'lieve it's a knife with things in it," he said. + </p> + <p> + My heart sank. "Oh, it's much too big for a knife, Hugh," I replied. + </p> + <p> + "I 'spect it is, all the same," he said with a nod; "you've made it big on + purpose; I positively know you have." + </p> + <p> + At last it was opened, and I said, aunt-like, "Do you like it, Hugh?" + </p> + <p> + "Awfully, thanks." Then he added a little wistfully, "Tommy's got a knife + with things in it, a button'ook." + </p> + <p> + Perhaps he saw I looked disappointed, for he added magnanimously, "I like + trains next best, Aunt Woggles; only you see I didn't exactly pray for a + train, that's why. What's Betty's?" + </p> + <p> + "Betty must open it herself." + </p> + <p> + "Don't you suppose," he said, "that she would like me to open it for her, + because it is a hard thing opening parcels—and Betty says I may + always open all her parcels when she is out." + </p> + <p> + "Hugh!" I exclaimed. + </p> + <p> + He rushed to the door. "Come on, Betty," he shouted. "Aunt Woggles wants + you." + </p> + <p> + If Betty's entrance was less tempestuous than Hugh's, her embrace was not + less ecstatic. She put her arms round my neck and took her legs off the + ground,—a quite simple process, and known to most aunts, I expect. + The ultimate result would, no doubt, be strangulation. No one knows, of + course, but among aunts it is a very general belief. Unlike Hugh, Betty + kept her eyes religiously away from parcels, and she got very pink when I + drew her attention to the very nobly one which was hers. Hugh stood by, + urging her to open it, and offering to help her; but this Betty would not + allow, and she opened it, her lips trembling with excitement. + </p> + <p> + "Is it for my very own?" she whispered. + </p> + <p> + "Absolutely for your very own, Betty," I answered. + </p> + <p> + "Oh!" said Betty. "Hugh, it's all for my very, very own; Aunt Woggles says + so; but you may play with it when you are very good." + </p> + <p> + This in Hugh's eyes seemed so remote a contingency as to be scarcely worth + consideration. + </p> + <p> + When the cooking-stove stood revealed in all its glory, Betty was silent + for a moment; then she said in a voice choked with emotion, "I shall cook + dinners for you, all for your very own self—nobody else." + </p> + <p> + My heart sank. "You will eat the things, won't you?" she asked, "if I make + proper things, just like real things?" + </p> + <p> + "Of course," I said. "Where's Sara?" + </p> + <p> + "She wouldn't have her face washed," said Betty, "so she's waiting till + she's good." + </p> + <p> + Poor Sara! A strict disciplinarian is Betty! + </p> + <p> + The regeneration of Sara was evidently a matter of moments only, for the + words were hardly out of Betty's mouth when Sara, in all her clean, + delicious dumpiness, appeared in the doorway. If there is one thing more + delicious than a grubby Sara, it is a clean Sara. Sara after gardening is + delicious, but Sara clean is assuredly the cleanest thing on God's earth. + I have never seen a child look so new, and so straight out of + tissue-paper, as Sara can look. She stared solemnly at her Aunt Woggles, + and then proceeded to walk away in the opposite direction, which was an + invitation on her part to me to follow and snatch her up in my arms. She + bore the hug stoically for a reasonable time, and then said, "Oo 'urt." + </p> + <p> + I realized, with the agony of remorse, that a very large aunt can by means + of a brooch inflict exquisite torture on a very small niece. + </p> + <p> + She wriggled herself free and began to rearrange her ruffled garments. + "Yaya's got noo soos," she announced; "ved vuns." + </p> + <p> + "No, blue, darling," I said. + </p> + <p> + "Ved," said Sara. + </p> + <p> + "No, sweetest, blue," I repeated in a somewhat professional but wholly + affectionate manner. + </p> + <p> + "Ved," said Sara with great decision; so I gave it up. + </p> + <p> + "Sara always thinks blue is red," said Betty; "don't you, darling?" + </p> + <p> + "No, boo," replied Sara; so the matter dropped. + </p> + <p> + "Oo's tummin' to see Yaya's toys," said Sara. + </p> + <p> + "Am I, darling? When?" + </p> + <p> + "Now." + </p> + <p> + "But Aunt Woggles has got something for you," I said in a triumphant + voice. + </p> + <p> + Sara showed no interest and pulled me by the hand toward the door. + </p> + <p> + "Hand me that, Betty," I said, pointing to the parcel on the table. + </p> + <p> + Betty handed it to me. + </p> + <p> + "Here, Sara," I said, "I have got a darling white rabbit for you! Sara! A + bunny!" + </p> + <p> + "Yaya's got a blush upstairs, a lubbly blush," she said, disdaining even + to look at the parcel. I held it toward her, undid it, I squeaked the + squeak, I called the rabbit endearing names; but to no purpose. Sara + looked the other way. A look I at last persuaded her to bestow upon the + rabbit; but she gazed at its charms, unmoved. + </p> + <p> + "Yaya doesn't yike nasty bunnies, only nice blushes," she said. + </p> + <p> + "It's a hearth-brush dressed up," whispered Betty, "and it's dressed up in + my dolly's cape, at least in one of my dolly's capes; she loves it. Aunt + Woggles, do you think it is a good thing to make hearth-brushes say their + prayers? Sara does." + </p> + <p> + I followed Sara disconsolately to the nursery and was shown the beauties + of the "lubbly blush." + </p> + <p> + Nannie bemoaned her darling's taste, and the nursery-maid blushed for very + shame. + </p> + <p> + "Not but what it's quite clean, miss," Nannie said; "it's been thoroughly + washed in carbolic." + </p> + <p> + Meanwhile Sara was rocking herself backward and forward in a manner truly + maternal and singing her version of "Jesus Tender" to her "lubbly blush." + </p> + <p> + "I thought she would love the rabbit," I said, and Nannie, by way of + consolation, assured me that there was really nothing Sara loved so much + as a rabbit. I suppose Nannie knew, and that it was only another instance + of the folly of judging from appearances. + </p> + <p> + "You will love your bunny, won't you, darling?" said Nannie; "nice bunny!" + </p> + <p> + "Nasty bunny," said Sara with great decision. + </p> + <p> + "That's naughty, baby," said Nannie; "nice bunny!" + </p> + <p> + "Naughty bunny," said Sara, "vake Yaya's yubbly vitty blush." And she + resumed her singing with religious fervor. + </p> + <p> + Nannie was really quite upset, and apologized for her charge. I accepted + the apology and resolved then and there to send the despised rabbit to the + Children's Hospital by the next post. Have you ever given a toy-balloon to + a child, and had the child say, "Balloons don't amuse?" I have. + </p> + <p> + Nannie then, by way of consolation, suggested that Sara should say her + prayers at my knee. It was the greatest compliment she could pay any one. + Sara consented after much pressure, and she knelt down and proceeded to + pack up her face. No other word to my mind describes the process. First of + all she shut her eyes tight. To keep them tight seemed to require a great + physical effort; this was done by tightly screwing up her nose. Next she + proceeded to gather her eyebrows into the smallest possible compass, and + then she drew a deep breath, folded her small hands, and started off at a + terrific pace, "Gaw bess parver yan muvver yan nannie yan hughyan betty + yan dicky an aunt woggles yan ellen yan emma yan croft—yan blusby + yan all ve vitty children yan make dem velly good boys yan make my + nastyole bunnyagoodgirl. May Yaya get up?" + </p> + <p> + "Not yet, baby, think," said Nannie. + </p> + <p> + Sara thought, and then with a fresh access of solemnity repeated an + entirely new version of the Lord's Prayer. Nannie understood it evidently, + for at a point quite unintelligible to me, Nannie said, "Good girl!" and + Sara jumped up. + </p> + <p> + Nannie told me that nothing would induce Sara to pray that she might be + made good. She was always very ready to make such petitions on the behalf + of Betty and Hugh, but for herself, no. She is not like Betty, who at her + age prayed, "Dear God, please make me a good little girl, but if you can't + manage it, don't bother about it; Nannie will soon do it." + </p> + <p> + Difficult and tedious as the task may have appeared to Betty, I think it + was assuredly within the power of God to make her good without the + intervention of Nannie. Dear Betty! + </p> + <p> + Sara was then put to bed, and while Nannie brushed her hair, Sara brushed + the hearth-brush's hair. Sara was very anxious to have it in her bath with + her, but here Nannie was firm. + </p> + <p> + Later the hearth-brush was dressed in a nightgown and laid beside Sara in + her little bed. The last thing she did before going to sleep was to gaze + at her darling "blush" with rapture and say, "Nasty—'ollid—bunny!" + </p> + <p> + Her eyelashes fluttered and then gently fell on her cheek, as a butterfly + hovers and then settles on the petal of a rose. + </p> + <p> + "Leave it here, miss," said Nannie; "she'll see it when she wakes." + </p> + <p> + I left the despised bunny and went to dress for dinner. Betty was waiting + for me outside. "Is the cooking-stove for my very own self, Aunt Woggles?" + </p> + <p> + "Absolutely, Betty. Why?" + </p> + <p> + "Only because Hugh wondered if it wasn't or him, too. He only wondered, + and I said I didn't suppose one present could be for two people, because + then it wouldn't be such a very real present, would it?" + </p> + <p> + I said, "Of course not"; and I told her the story of the two men who owned + one elephant, and one man said to the other: "I don't know what you are + going to do with your half; I am going to shoot mine!" + </p> + <p> + "And did he, Aunt Woggles?" asked Betty, her eyes wide with horror. + </p> + <p> + "I wonder," I said. "I'll race you to the end of the passage." + </p> + <p> + "I won," cried Betty. "No, we both of us did," she added, slipping her + hand into mine. + </p> + <p> + That evening Diana told me that a few days before, she had heard the + following conversation between Hugh and Betty: + </p> + <p> + "I am going to shoot my cock." + </p> + <p> + "Hugh!" said Betty, "don't, it's a darlin' cock." + </p> + <p> + "But it doesn't lay eggs," said Hugh. + </p> + <p> + "I don't think cocks are supposed to lay eggs," said Betty thoughtfully. + </p> + <p> + "Well, I don't see why they shouldn't," said Hugh; "widowers have + children." + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0004" id="link2HCH0004"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter IV + </h2> + <p> + Suppose all aunts, that is to say, all professional aunt, know what it is + to be visited at seven o'clock in the morning by nephews and nieces, + fresh, vigorous, and rosy after a night's rest. Fresh, and oh! so vigorous + and deliciously rosy were Hugh and Betty when they appeared at my bedside + at seven o'clock the next morning. + </p> + <p> + "Hullo!" said Hugh, "we've come. May we get into your bed? I'll get up + steam and take a long run and jump in. Shall I?" + </p> + <p> + I braced myself up for the shock. There is no need to go through the + morning's program; I suppose every aunt knows it. Bears, camel-rides, + robbers, and various other things, all of a distinctly energetic nature. + At half past seven-you see it doesn't take long, any aunt can bear half an + hour—Nannie appeared, carrying a deliciously rosy Sara with her hair + done on the top, which makes her more than ever fascinating; and in her + arms she carried her bunny—Sara's arms, I mean, of course. "Nice + bunny," she said. + </p> + <p> + "Who gave you your bunny?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + "Jesus!" said Sara, triumphantly nodding her head and opening her eyes + very wide. "Jesus makes all ve bunnies, and all ve vitty dickey birds, and + all ve vitty fowers, and all ve big fowers and all ve ponge cakes, and + Yaya." + </p> + <p> + "And what is Sara going to do with her bunny?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + "Vuv it," she said with ecstasy. + </p> + <p> + "Shall I leave her?" asked Nannie. + </p> + <p> + "What a foolish question, Nannie!" I said. "Could any one send away a blue + dressing-be-gowned Sara?" + </p> + <p> + "And shall I take the others, miss?" + </p> + <p> + "Do," I replied. + </p> + <p> + They went and left me in sole possession of Sara. + </p> + <p> + "Shall I tell Sara a story?" I said. She nodded her head. + </p> + <p> + "A storlie all about bunnies." + </p> + <p> + So I began, "Once upon a time there was a big bunny." + </p> + <p> + "A vitty bunny," said Sara. + </p> + <p> + "A little bunny," I said. "Once upon a time there was a little bunny." + </p> + <p> + "A velly, velly vitty bunny," said Sara. + </p> + <p> + "Once upon a time there was a very, very little bunny," I repeated, + emphasizing the "very, very little," as Sara had done. She cuddled into + the bedclothes, evidently quite satisfied with the beginning as it now + stood. "And the very, very little bunny lived in a nice hole—" + </p> + <p> + "A nice bed," said Sara, "a velly nice bed and not in a vitty bed, but in + a velly big bed, a velly, velly big bed with Aunt Woggles." + </p> + <p> + "In a nice big bed with Aunt Woggles," I said, "and he was a very good + little bunny." + </p> + <p> + At this Sara rose in the bed and looked at me very severely. + </p> + <p> + "Did he say his palayers eberly day?" she asked. + </p> + <p> + "No, not prayers, darling. Bunnies don't say prayers; children say + prayers." + </p> + <p> + "Naughty bunnies!" said Sara with great severity. + </p> + <p> + Dreading a religious discussion, which Sara loves, I proposed changing the + story to "The Three Bears." She acquiesced with jumps of joy up and down, + just where one would not choose to be jumped upon, and said, "Ve felee + belairs." + </p> + <p> + Here I fared no better: my version of the story was so hopelessly wrong, + and I received such crushing correction at the hands of Sara, that I was + glad to relinquish my office of story-teller and suggested that she should + tell a story instead. + </p> + <p> + This was evidently what she had wanted to do all along, for she began at + once. She tells a story very much as she says her prayers, at the same + terrific pace certainly. First of all she swallowed and took a deep + breath, then she began, "Vunce there was a vitty blush—and not a bad + nasty blush—it said its palayers ebery morning an nannie said good + girly an then the blush vent to sleep in a vitty bed with Yaya." + </p> + <p> + "Go slower, darling," I said. "Aunt Woggles can't quite understand." + </p> + <p> + "Yan—ven—Yaya—voke up ve vitty—belush said, + 'Good-morning,' yan Yaya said, 'Good-morning,' yan it was a nice bunny yan + not a nasty bunny any more." + </p> + <p> + Here Sara's thoughts were distracted, and the story ended abruptly for + want of breath, or possibly of story. She refused to go on, and when + pressed said with great decision, "Dey's all dead." + </p> + <p> + She then had her share of camel-rides and bears, and by the time Nannie + came I began to feel that I had earned my breakfast. I was one of the + first down, and Bindon was evidently waiting for me, because as I went + into the dining-room he took up his position behind a certain chair, which + action on his part plainly indicated that I was to sit there. I wondered + why. Could it be that I had arrived at the age when it is advisable for a + woman to sit back to the light at breakfast? Was this only another + instance of Bindon's devotion to us all? That the credit of the family is + paramount in his mind, I know! All this flashed through my mind, but I saw + a moment later that it was not of my complexion that Bindon thought, for + on a plate before the chair behind which he stood, lay a small dark gray + wad about the size of a five-shilling piece. I hesitated, and Bindon said + in an undertone, "Miss Betty made it." Not a muscle of his face moved. + </p> + <p> + I sat down and gazed at the awful result of my present to Betty. The—what + shall I call it?—was gray, as I said before; it had a crisscross + pattern on it, deeply indented, and snugly sunk in the middle of it was a + currant. I sighed. My duty as a professional aunt was clear: had I not in + a moment of weakness said I would eat anything Betty made, provided it was + a proper thing? Had I here a loophole of escape? No, it was certainly, + according to Betty's lights, a most proper thing. But why does dough, in + the hands of the cleanest child, become dark gray? + </p> + <p> + Bindon, having done his duty by Betty, and not being able on this occasion + to do it by both of us, made no further explanation. Like the first step, + it is no doubt the first bite that costs most dearly; and while I was + pondering whether to take two bites or swallow it whole, Mr. Dudley came + in and sat down opposite me. He is a young man who thinks that no woman he + doesn't know can be worth knowing. When by force of circumstances he comes + to know a fresh one, he always tells her he feels as if he had known her + all her life, and talks of a previous existence, and so gets over a + difficulty. I felt that it was a tribute to Diana that he treated me so + kindly, and I earned his gratitude and commanded his respect by refusing + food at his hands. I said I liked helping myself at breakfast. He + insisted, however, on passing me the toast. This I felt was apart from + Diana altogether. + </p> + <p> + After a few moments the little gray wad attracted his attention, and his + eyebrows expressed a wish to know what it was. + </p> + <p> + "Betty made it," I said. + </p> + <p> + "And what is it?" + </p> + <p> + "I wonder!" I said. "I think it must come under the head of black bread." + </p> + <p> + "What are you going to do with it?" he asked. + </p> + <p> + I answered, "Why, eat it, of course; only I can't make up my mind how. + What should you say, two bites or a swallow?" + </p> + <p> + His interest was now thoroughly aroused; he had evidently never before met + an aunt professionally. He looked at me solemnly and said, "You are going + to eat that?" + </p> + <p> + "I am an aunt, you see," said; "a professional aunt." + </p> + <p> + "A what?" he asked. + </p> + <p> + "A professional aunt," I answered. "You are an uncle, I suppose." + </p> + <p> + "I am constantly getting wires to that effect, but I am hanged if I have + ever eaten mud-pies." + </p> + <p> + "No, that is part of the profession," I said; "you see, I promised Betty." + </p> + <p> + Mr. Dudley relapsed into silence. I had given him food for reflection. + </p> + <p> + Here Betty appeared, "not to eat anything," she carefully explained. Hugh + came next, followed a moment later by Sara, who was beside herself with + excitement, which was centered in the blue ribbon in her hair, to which + she had that morning been promoted. A red curl had become more rebellious + than its fellows, and it was tied up with a blue ribbon, in the fashion + beloved of young mothers. Diana dislikes any reference made to poodles. + </p> + <p> + "Yaya's got a ved vimvirn in her har," she announced. + </p> + <p> + We all expressed the keenest interest and unbounded surprise. One very + well-meaning person put down his knife and fork and said he was too + surprised to eat any more breakfast; whereupon Hugh said, "You needn't be + so very funny, because Sara doesn't understand those sort of jokes." + </p> + <p> + Whether Sara understood it or not, it seemed to encourage her to further + revelations, and she announced with bated breath, "Yaya's got ved vimvims + in her—" She opened her eyes very wide and nodded very mysteriously, + and was about to suit her actions to her words and disclose the ribbons in + question, when Diana, with a promptitude quite splendid, administered a + banana. Sara ate some with relish, paused, and said in a loud voice, + subdued by banana, "jormalies." She was not going to be put off with a + banana. + </p> + <p> + Betty was very much shocked, and with a face of virtuous indignation + whispered in my ear, "Sara means-" I hastily stopped Betty because her + whispers are louder than Sara's loudest conversation and very much more + distinct. And after all there is everything in the way a word is + pronounced. Without any context I think "jormalies" might pass anywhere as + a perfectly right and proper word, to be used on any occasion. + </p> + <p> + Hugh, too, had something to say on the absorbing topic of ribbons, and on + such a subject I thought he might safely be trusted. On what an unsafe + foundation is built the faith of an aunt! + </p> + <p> + "Aunt Woggles," he said, "has got pink ribbons in her nightie; it's + lovely, and she doesn't do her hair in funny little things like—" + </p> + <p> + Here David distracted Hugh's attention by telling him an absolute untruth + concerning a fox to be seen out of the window. The first of April is the + only day in the whole year on which the word "fox" won't take him flying + to the window. + </p> + <p> + Betty, perhaps by way of changing the conversation, said, "You did eat my + cake, didn't you, Aunt Woggles?" + </p> + <p> + "Of course I did, Betty." + </p> + <p> + "Don't you believe it," said Mr. Dudley. + </p> + <p> + "I always believe my Aunt Woggles," said Betty with infinite scorn. "Was + it nice, Aunt Woggles?" Mercifully she didn't wait for an answer, but + continued: "I lost the currant three times, but I found it all right. I + thought I had trodden on it, but I hadn't, because I looked on the bottom + of my shoe and it wasn't there. I did have lots of currants, only when I + dropped them Mungo ate them all up, except this one. He didn't eat this + one because I stopped him. I said, 'Drop it, Mungo!' and he did. It was a + good thing he didn't eat it, wasn't it? I made lines across, did you see? + All across the cake! I made those with a hairpin. It was a good plan, + wasn't it?" + </p> + <p> + Somehow or other my breakfast had fallen short of my expectations. But + what I had lost in appetite I had perhaps gained in other ways, for I had + until then undoubtedly existed in the mind of Mr. Dudley only under the + shadow of Diana's charming personality. I now took my stand alone, as the + Aunt Woggles who ate mud-pies, I am afraid; but still it is something to + have a separate existence. Is it? + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0005" id="link2HCH0005"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter V + </h2> + <p> + Diana's children are of a distinctly religious turn of mind. I think most + children are, and what wonderful, curious thing their religion is! Looking + back to my own childhood, I remember thinking, or rather knowing, that the + Holy Ghost was a Shetland shawl. We called our shawls "comforters"; we + wore them when we went to parties in the winter. "I will not leave you + comfortless," could mean nothing else. To complete the illusion, we had in + the nursery a picture of the Pentecost, the Holy Ghost descending in the + form of a cloudy substance, not unlike a Shetland shawl. I was so sure + that I was right, that I never thought of asking any one. When I grew + older and told my mother, she said, "But why didn't you ask me, darling?" + forgetting that when a child knows a thing it never asks; when in doubt it + will ask, but not when it knows. It is a difficult and dangerous thing to + shake a child's belief, and a pity, too. For if we could all believe as + simply as a child does, how different it would make life! If Diana has a + fault, it is that she takes her children too seriously. She thinks it is + wrong to tell them, "Children should be seen and not heard," simply + because they have asked a question she can't answer. Aunts have been known + to do it as a last resource, on occasions of great danger. + </p> + <p> + Hugh wants to know if God put in the quack before he made the duck. It is + difficult, isn't it, to answer that sort of question? + </p> + <p> + On another occasion he asked Betty if God was alive. Betty, eager to + instruct, said, "My dear Hugh, God is a Spirit." + </p> + <p> + "Then we can boil our milk on him." That was a poser for Betty. + </p> + <p> + Diana was at a loss, too, when Hugh announced his intention of going to + Heaven. She asked him what he would do when he got there. I thought the + question a little unwise at the time. "Oh!" said Hugh, "stroll round with + Jesus, I suppose, and have a shot at the rabbits." + </p> + <p> + Diana's position was a difficult one. It was this: if she told Hugh there + were no rabbits in Heaven, he wouldn't pray to go there; and if she said + there was no shooting in Heaven, Hugh would know for certain that his + father wouldn't want to go there, and it wouldn't do for Hugh to think his + father didn't want to go to Heaven. It was a difficulty, but Hugh's Heaven + was or is a very real and very happy place to him. It is strangely like + Hames; and isn't the home of every happy child very near to Heaven? Surely + it lies at its very gates, which we could see if it was not for the + mountains which intervene, those beautiful snow mountains, which foolish + grown-ups call clouds. + </p> + <p> + Diana has come triumphantly out of situations more difficult, and she will + no doubt surmount those connected with the spiritual upbringing of Hugh, + Betty, and Sara. + </p> + <p> + It is the custom of Diana to read the Bible every morning with her + children, and they resent any deviation from custom. + </p> + <p> + After breakfast on the particular Sunday over which this shooting-party + extended, Hugh marched through the hall (where most of us were assembled) + with his Bible under his arm, followed by Betty, carrying a smaller Bible. + Hugh's seemed particularly cumbersome. He cast a reproachful glance at his + mother and her guests, and said to Betty, "I will teach you, darling." + </p> + <p> + Betty said, "Can you, Hugh?" and he said, "Rather!" + </p> + <p> + Into the drawing-room he stumped, followed by the impressed Betty. + </p> + <p> + "You may come, Aunt Woggles," he said, "if you don't talk." + </p> + <p> + I promised not to talk, and sat down to write letters. + </p> + <p> + Hugh sat down on the sofa and Betty plumped down beside him. She carefully + arranged her muslin skirts over her long black-stockinged legs, and then + told Hugh to begin. + </p> + <p> + "What's it going to be about?" she asked. + </p> + <p> + "All sorts of things," said Hugh grandly. "Perhaps about Adam and Eve, and + Jonah and the whale, and Samson and Elijah. Do you know the diff'rence + between Enoch and Elijah? That's the first thing." + </p> + <p> + "No, I don't," said Betty reluctantly. + </p> + <p> + "Well, darling, you must remember the diff'rence is that Enoch only walked + with God, but the carriage was sent for Elijah!" + </p> + <p> + "Was it a carriage and pair, Hugh?" + </p> + <p> + "More, I expect." + </p> + <p> + "What next, Hugh?" + </p> + <p> + "We'll just look until we find something." And Hugh opened the Bible. + </p> + <p> + "It's upside down," whispered Betty. + </p> + <p> + Hugh assumed the expression my spaniel puts on when he meets a dog bigger + than himself—an expression of extreme earnestness of purpose + combined with a desire to look neither to the right nor to the left, but + to get along as fast as he can. + </p> + <p> + Hugh assumed an immense dignity and looked straight in front of him, just + to show Betty he was thinking and had not heard what she said, while he + turned the Bible round. + </p> + <p> + "Go on, Hugh," said Betty humbly, feeling it was she who had made the + mistake. How often do men make women feel this! + </p> + <p> + "Now, Betty," he said, "you must listen properly and not talk, because + it's a proper lesson, just like mother gives us when visitors aren't + here." A pause, then Hugh said in a very solemn voice, "You know, darling, + Jesus would have been born in the manger, but the dog in the manger + wouldn't let him!" + </p> + <p> + I stole out of the room. + </p> + <p> + "You don't disturb us, Aunt Woggles," called out Hugh; "you truthfully + don't." + </p> + <p> + Hugh had evidently told all he knew, for in a few minutes he came out of + the drawing-room and joined us in the hall. "We've done!" he exclaimed; + "we've had our lesson all the same." + </p> + <p> + "I am sorry, Hugh," said Diana. + </p> + <p> + He slipped his hand in hers as a sign of forgiveness, and by way of making + matters quite right, I said, "You know, Hugh, mothers must look after + their guests. Their children are always with them, but friends only + occasionally." + </p> + <p> + Why do aunts interfere? Retribution speedily follows. + </p> + <p> + "Visitors are mostly always here," said Hugh plaintively. "When you have + children of your own, Aunt Woggles, then—" + </p> + <p> + "A fox, a fox, Hugh!" cried some one. + </p> + <p> + He rushed to the window. + </p> + <p> + "That's two foxes today that weren't there when I looked," said Hugh; "I + shan't look next time." + </p> + <p> + This was a desperate state of affairs; an attack might come at any time, + and we should have exhausted our ammunition. + </p> + <p> + "The best thing," said Diana, "is for those who are going to church to get + ready." + </p> + <p> + Betty and Hugh were of course going; Sara wanted to, but those in + authority deemed it wiser that she should wait till she was older. This + offended her very much, as did any reference to her age. But the decision + was a wise one: she prayed too fervently, she sang too lustily, and she + talked too audibly, to admit of reverent worship on the part of the + younger members of the congregation, and of the older ones, too, I am + afraid. + </p> + <p> + One memorable Sunday she did go to church, as a great treat; and when the + hymn—"Peace, perfect peace" was given out, a beatific smile + illumined her face, and with her hymn-book upside-down she was preparing + to sing, when Diana said,—whispered rather—You don't know + this, darling." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, I do, mummy, peace in the valley of Bong." + </p> + <p> + Betty walked to church with me. "Aunt Woggles," she said, "you know the + gentleman in the Bible who lived inside the whale?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, darling," I said, "I do remember." My heart sank at the difficulties + presented by Jonah as gentleman. + </p> + <p> + "Well," she said, "what dye suppose he did without candles in the dark + passages of the whale?" + </p> + <p> + Betty evidently pictured the dark passages of the whale to be what Haines + used to be before electric light was installed. The whale, like a house, + must be modernized to meet the requirements of the day. When Betty starts + asking questions, she mercifully quickly follows one with another, and + does not wait for answers. The interior economy of the whale suggested + various trains of thought, and she went skipping along beside me, or + rather in front of me, propounding the most astounding theories. I was + quite glad when Mr. Dudley and Hugh caught us up. + </p> + <p> + "You did come along fast, old man," said Mr. Dudley. + </p> + <p> + "It wasn't me, it was you," panted Hugh. "It truthfully was, Aunt Woggles, + and he wasn't going to church at all till I told him you were going. I'm + awfully out of breath because he wanted to catch you up, so it wasn't me + all the time." + </p> + <p> + I was sorry Hugh and Mr. Dudley had caught us up. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Dudley murmured something about "Young ruffian," and I felt it my duty + as well as my pleasure to tell Hugh not to talk so much. + </p> + <p> + "I 'sect you want to sit next my Aunt Woggles, don't you?" said Hugh to + Mr. Dudley; "but you can't, because I said, 'bags I sit next Aunt Woggles + in church' before she came to stay, ever so long before, before two + Christmases ago, I should think it was, or nearly before two Christmases + ago!" + </p> + <p> + Betty's grasp on my hand tightened, and I returned it with a reassuring + pressure, as much as to say, "There are two sides to every aunt in church, + dear Betty; it is a comfort to know that." + </p> + <p> + "I may sit next you, mayn't I?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Betty," I said. + </p> + <p> + "You are very rosy, Aunt Woggles," said Hugh. "Do you love my Aunt + Woggles?" he continued, dancing backward in front of Mr. Dudley. + </p> + <p> + "Of course he does," I said boldly, taking the bull by the horns. "Mr. + Dudley loves even his enemies, especially on Sundays." + </p> + <p> + Hugh looked puzzled, and pondered. Before he had come to any definite + conclusion as to how this affected Mr. Dudley's feelings towards me, we + reached the lichgate, where we found the rest of the party awaiting us. We + all separated: Diana took Betty, who gazed at me mournfully, but was too + loyal to her mother to say anything; Hugh gave a series of triumphant + jumps, which added pain to Betty's already disappointed expression. + </p> + <p> + In church I found myself allotted to what we call the overflow pew, which + is at right angles to the family pews and in full view of them. It is the + children's favorite pew only, I imagine, because they don't always sit + there. Hugh sat very close to me, and kept on giving little wriggles and + gazing up at me, then at Mr. Dudley, and snuggling closer to me as if to + emphasize the superiority of his position over that of Mr. Dudley. + </p> + <p> + "Hugh," I whispered, "you must behave." + </p> + <p> + "He didn't sit next you, after all," he whispered. + </p> + <p> + I say whispered, but must explain that Hugh's whisper is a very + far-reaching thing. He loves a victory. I hope that when he grows up he + will be a generous victor. He says he is going to be a dangerous man; I + can believe it. + </p> + <p> + Betty, the vanquished one, stared solemnly in front of her, not deigning + to notice Hugh's triumph. What pleasure is there to children in sitting + next to some particular person in church? I remember, as a child, it was a + matter of earnest prayer during the week that on Sunday I might sit next, + some particular person in church. "And, O Lord, if it be for my good, let + me sit next the door." A child's religion is a very real thing to him, and + not only a Saturday-to-Monday thing. + </p> + <p> + I looked at Betty's serious little face and wished that I could for one + moment read her thoughts. Her eyes, such lovely eyes, were fixed on the + preacher's face. What did his sermon convey to her? It was a particularly + uninteresting one, I remember, an appeal on behalf of the curates' fund. + Her eyes never left his face—such solemn, searching, truthful eyes. + I think a child like Betty should not be allowed to go to church on such + occasions, for what is the use of preaching against matrimony on the one + hand, and that, I suppose, is what the moral of such a sermon should be,—and + on the other hand holding up an incentive to matrimony in the very + alluring shape of Betty? For, personally, I think Betty would be a very + wonderful possession for any curate to have. + </p> + <p> + Hugh was growing restless and I was bearing the brunt of it. Nannie, + feeling for me, leaned over from the back pew and said, "Don't rest your + head on your Aunt Woggles." + </p> + <p> + "I came to church on purpose to rest my head on my Aunt Woggles's chest," + said Hugh, again in what he calls a whisper. A moment later, he asked, "Is + it done?" + </p> + <p> + It was, and he jumped up. + </p> + <p> + "May I sit next you next Sunday, Aunt Woggles?" he said, so soon as we got + outside the church door. + </p> + <p> + "No, Hugh," I said. + </p> + <p> + "I bet I do, all the same," he said. + </p> + <p> + "Aunt Woggles," said Betty, as we walked home, "I collect for the + prevention of children; do you suppose Mr. Dudley would give me a penny?" + </p> + <p> + "I am sure he would, darling, but it is the prevention of cruelty to + children—the prevention of cruelty." + </p> + <p> + "That's such a long thing to say, Aunt Woggles, don't you suppose he would + understand if I did say it a little wrong?" + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps, darling, but it is always best to say things right." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, I will, but I was only supposing, supposing I didn't." + </p> + <p> + At luncheon Diana cautioned Betty against swallowing a fish-bone. "You + might die, darling, if you did." + </p> + <p> + "Then I shall swallow every single bone I can," announced Betty. + </p> + <p> + "But, darling," said Diana, "why do you say that? You don't want to die. + You are quite happy, aren't you?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, I'm very happy, but I want to die, all the same." + </p> + <p> + "Oh, darling, don't say that," said Diana; "there is a great deal for you + to do in this world before you die." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, but you see, darling," said Betty, "if I don't die soon, I shall be + too old to sit on Jesus' knee." + </p> + <p> + Diana is very particular about the children's manners, and Hugh came face + to face with a great difficulty a moment later, over his ginger beer. "If + I don't say I thank you, mother doesn't like it, and if I do say I thank + you, Bindon stops pouring." + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0006" id="link2HCH0006"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter VI + </h2> + <p> + In answer to a really desperate telegram from Zerlina, I left Hames + hurriedly, and arrived at Zerlina's, to find her out and all the children + apparently well. I was shown upstairs into the drawing-room. In Diana's + house I am never "shown" anywhere; however, in Zerlina's I am, so it is no + use discussing that question. The drawing-room into which I was shown was + empty of furniture except for the sofas and chairs which were arranged + round the room against the wall. As Zerlina's room does not err as a rule + on the side of emptiness, I realized that there was going to be a party. I + felt like the child who said, "There's been a wedding, I smell rice!" One + knows these things by instinct. + </p> + <p> + The butler solemnly informed me that there was going to be a party, and + that Miss Hyacinth would be down in a moment. + </p> + <p> + I thought it odd that Zerlina should have said nothing about a party; but + then she never says anything about measles, or whooping-cough, or + re-painting rooms, until I am within the doors and unable to escape. I + remembered she had urged me on this occasion to come early. I sat down on + a sofa and sadly fixed my gaze on the parquet floor. How different had + been my arrival at Hames! My conscience smote me. I had no train, no + cooking stove, no woolly rabbit in my box. But then neither was there a + Hugh, Betty, and Sara. At Hames should I have sat in the drawing-room? + Never! Of course I know what some people will say: that it is my fault; if + I had treated the children as I treated Betty, Hugh, and Sara, it would + have made all the difference; but it wouldn't, really. It is, the mother + of the children who makes the difference; it is her attitude to the aunt + which is adopted by the children. If Diana had been out, the house would + have resounded with shrieks for Aunt Woggles. But in Zerlina's house + children never shriek, people never rush to the nursery. The children are + always tidied before they are brought down to see me. + </p> + <p> + Of course some people will again say, "Quite right"; and it is quite right + that for such people they should be tidied; but do those people realize + what a wall tidiness builds between child and grown-up? Have they ever + thought what a boy feels when his mother comes down to see him at school + and the first thing she does when he comes into the room is to say that + his collar is dirty, or that his hands want washing? At that moment, + perhaps, she lays the first brick in the wall which builds between mother + and son. He is a happy boy and she a blessed mother who stand always with + no wall between them. All a boy demands of his mother when she comes to + see him at school is that she shall behave just like other people, and + that she shall dress properly. If she can be beautiful, so much the + better: it will redound enormously to his credit. Boys are very sensitive + about their belongings, but when praise can be bestowed they bestow it, as + in the case of Tommy, who wrote to his father, who had been down to the + school to play in a match, Fathers against Sons, "Dear father, you did + look odd, but you made the second biggest score." + </p> + <p> + While I was pondering over these things, the door opened and my niece + Hyacinth came in. + </p> + <p> + "Hullo!" she said; "mum's out." + </p> + <p> + "So I hear," I said; "won't you kiss me?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh! I forgot," she said, twirling round on one leg and holding out a + cheek to be kissed. "There's going to be a party to it." + </p> + <p> + "So I see," I said; "what sort of a party?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh! it's the end-up of the dancing class, four to seven; that's why mum + asked you to come early." + </p> + <p> + "She isn't in yet?" I asked innocently. + </p> + <p> + "Oh! she's not coming," said Hyacinth, raising her eyebrows and laughing; + "she always has something to do on dancing days. The Frauleins get on her + nerves. They sit all round the room." + </p> + <p> + And Hyacinth indicated the position of the Frauleins with a sweep of her + arm. + </p> + <p> + "What time is it now?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + "Half past three," she said; "I'm ready." + </p> + <p> + "I'm not," I said savagely. + </p> + <p> + I went upstairs, vowing vengeance on Zerlina. I could have shaken + Hyacinth, poor child, and why? Because her legs were too long, or her + skirts too short, or the bow in her hair too large? What a disagreeable, + cross-grained professional aunt I was! Or did I miss the hug Hyacinth + might have given me? + </p> + <p> + I was only just ready when the children began to arrive. I flew downstairs + and found not only children in every shape and form, but mothers in big + hats and trailing skirts, and Frauleins in small hats and skirts + curtailed, mademoiselles and nannies. The nannies I handed over to the + nursery department, and the mothers and the Frauleins and the + mademoiselles I arranged in a dado round the room, making inappropriate + remarks to each in turn. No surprise was expressed at the absence of + Zerlina. + </p> + <p> + The children began to dance. There was a particularly painstaking little + boy in a white silk shirt and black velvet knickerbockers, very tight in + places, who danced assiduously, looking neither to the right nor to the + left. "Right leg, To-mus, left leg, To-mus!" came in stentorian tones from + a Fraulein in the corner, who suited her actions to her words by the + uplifting of the leg corresponding to that recommended to Tomus's + consideration, and bringing it down with emphasis on the parquet floor. + </p> + <p> + By the sudden quickening of leg-action on the part of my painstaking + friend, I knew him to be Tomus, and by that only, so many of the boys + looked as if they might be Tomus. The real Tomus asserted himself + manfully, however, by using the exactly opposite leg to that ordered by + Fraulein. I liked this spirit of independence, and determined to make + friends with him so soon as that dance should be over. I took the liberty + of introducing myself; he made no remark but took me by the hand and led + me out on to the landing, and there he found two chairs in the orthodox + position. Into one of these he wriggled himself by a backward and upward + movement, and I sat in the other. How absurdly easy it is for a grown-up + to sit down! I waited for Thomas to make a remark; I might be waiting + still, if I had not made a beginning. He looked at me under his eyelashes, + and tried not to smile. It was an effort, I could see, and I could tell + just where the dimples would come. When the effort became too great and + the dimples asserted themselves beyond recall, he looked away and put out + a minute portion of his tongue. Having done that, he subsided into grave + self-possession. + </p> + <p> + I began to feel embarrassed, and asked him how old he was. He smiled. "Do + you like dancing, Thomas?" I said. + </p> + <p> + He looked away, and every time I addressed him he seemed to retreat + farther into his chair, until I had fears that he would disappear + altogether from my sight. His waist-line seemed to be the vanishing-point. + I made no further effort, and relapsed into silence. Thomas continued to + gaze at me and smile. At last he extended a fat little hand, uncurled one + by one four soft little fingers, and revealed, lying in his palm, a short + screw. It was evidently his greatest treasure, for the moment. + </p> + <p> + "Is that for me, Thomas?" I asked. "Nope," he said, shaking his head. + </p> + <p> + "Is it your very own?" + </p> + <p> + "Yeth," said Thomas, drawing in his breath. He shut his little hand, put + out his tongue just the smallest bit, and became serious and silent. + </p> + <p> + "Is it a present?" I asked. Having got so far, it seemed a pity not to go + on. He had done me the greatest honor that a small boy can do a woman, + which, by the way, was what our Nannie said when she told us that a + strange man had proposed to her on a penny steamboat. + </p> + <p> + Thomas shook his head and said, "Nope." + </p> + <p> + "Did you find it?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + He nodded. "I always find fings," he said. + </p> + <p> + Beyond that I could get nothing out of him. I have not often sat out with + a more embarrassing partner. To be continually stared at and never spoken + to would, I think, make the boldest woman shy. There was a stolidity about + Thomas that promised well for England's future. There was a steady + resistance from attack that was really admirable; but I was not altogether + sorry when Fraulein pounced upon him. As she led him off I heard him say, + "Parties do last a long time, don't they, Leilein?" + </p> + <p> + Having lost Thomas, I sought a new partner. A tall, fair girl with wide, + gray eyes, a pink-and-white complexion, a beautiful mouth, and a + delicately refined nose, interested me, as I imagine she has continued to + do every one who has met her. She reminded me of spring, with birds + singing and flowers flowering and trees bursting, just as Diana does. As + it was quite the correct thing for girls to dance with one another, I made + so bold as to ask her for a dance. With the timidity of a boy just out of + Etons, or perhaps I should say, of a shy boy just out of Etons, I + approached her. "Right-o," she said, "let's see." + </p> + <p> + She puckered her penciled eyebrows and studied her program. "The third + after the two next?" + </p> + <p> + She bowed gravely, and I said, "Thank you." I felt very young and + inexperienced as I returned the bow. + </p> + <p> + "That's all right," she said. "Where shall I find you? It doesn't matter, + I shall know you again"; and she had the audacity to write on her program, + for I saw her do it, "white dress, red hair." + </p> + <p> + She was borne off by a triumphant boy, who looked at me as much as to say, + "You're jolly well sold if you think you are going to nab this dance." + </p> + <p> + I asked a hungry-looking boy with many freckles who she was. "Oh! that's + Dolly," he said; "she is a flyer, isn't she?" + </p> + <p> + "Dolly who?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + "Oh! just Dolly; that does." He looked away, looked back, hesitated, and + swallowed. I, feeling that he perhaps needed the assistance a man + sometimes requires of a woman, encouragement, smiled at him. + </p> + <p> + "You wouldn't dance this, I suppose?" he said. + </p> + <p> + "Certainly," I answered. + </p> + <p> + We danced. He was a nice boy, very much in earnest, very much afraid of + tiring me, very much afraid of letting me go, too shy to stop, until I + suggested it, for which act of consideration he seemed grateful. + </p> + <p> + He told me he had five brothers, all older than himself; that he never had + new trousers, always the other boys' cut down; that he liked school; + wanted a bicycle more than anything in the world—of his very own, of + course; wanted a pony of his very own; wanted a dog of his very own. He + hadn't anything of his very own. + </p> + <p> + I said I supposed he thought his eldest brother very lucky. + </p> + <p> + "Because of the trousers?" he asked. + </p> + <p> + I said, "Well, yes, I suppose he has the new ones." + </p> + <p> + "Well," he said, "you see he doesn't. That's the chowse of the whole + thing. He is the eldest, but you see Dick's the biggest, so he gets the + new trousers. It is hard, isn't it?" + </p> + <p> + I said it was indeed. + </p> + <p> + "The best of it is," he said, "I am catching jackup. He is in an awful + wax. I shouldn't be surprised if I were bigger than him next holidays. Do + you like dancing? I simply loathe it—not with you, I don't mean I." + </p> + <p> + He told me many other confidences, and I was really sorry when he + remembered, with an evident pang, that he had to dance with that "rum + little kid over there." + </p> + <p> + I was quite certain that he would never break a promise. I could picture + him going through life always keeping promises, rashly made, no doubt. I + wondered what he would talk to girls about at dances years hence—trousers? + Hardly. By that time he would have trousers of his very own, and they + would cease, in consequence, to be things of interest. + </p> + <p> + He would be a soldier—of that I could have no doubt. He was the kind + of boy England wants and can still get, thank God! say pessimists what + they will. + </p> + <p> + While I was awaiting my Dolly dance, I came upon a small, disconsolate + boy. + </p> + <p> + "I'm looking for an empty partner," he said. + </p> + <p> + I captured a passing girl, very small, and they danced away together. The + boy I could see was very energetic, the girl was very small and fat. As + they passed me I heard her say, "I—can't—go—so—fast!" + </p> + <p> + "Very sorry," said the small boy, "but I must keep up with the music." + </p> + <p> + Dolly found me. "I think I had better dance gentleman," she said; "I think + I am as tall as you." With a tremendous effort she drew her slim figure to + its full height, and, gazing up into my face she had the audacity to say, + "Yes, I do just look down upon you; anyhow, men aren't always taller than + girls. My cousin says so, and she goes to dances—heaps—and she + is six foot." + </p> + <p> + We started off, I felt at once, on a perilous course. "You see," she said, + "I had better—steer—because" (bump we went into somebody), + "because—I dance once a week—always" (crash), "sometimes + oftener—so I get—plenty of practice" (bang) "in steering, and + that helps. I love dancing—don't you? Oh, that's all right—it's—only—the + stupid—old mantelpiece—I always go into that—it sticks + out so—doesn't it? It is hard—rather!" + </p> + <p> + Dolly was a flyer and no mistake. I was brought to a standstill at last by + colliding with Thomas's Fraulein. + </p> + <p> + "It's all right," said Dolly generously, "you didn't hurt us!" + </p> + <p> + Fraulein was hurled on to a sofa and made no remark. She gave up + temporarily the management of Thomas's left leg. + </p> + <p> + "Shall we sit out?" said Dolly. "It is hot, isn't it?" + </p> + <p> + She fanned herself with a very small program and tossed her hair back from + her face. It was such lovely hair. + </p> + <p> + "Hair is beastly stuff, isn't it?" she said. "Wouldn't you love to be a + boy? Oh, I promised mother not to say I 'beastly'; that's one of the + things I would like to be a boy for, because boys may do such an awful lot + of things." + </p> + <p> + I soon found out that Dolly liked boys better than girls. + </p> + <p> + She loved horses and dogs. + </p> + <p> + She hated and detested bearing-reins. + </p> + <p> + She didn't want to come out. + </p> + <p> + She thought grown-ups silly, except some— + </p> + <p> + She loved the country and strawberry ice. + </p> + <p> + She hated dull lessons, and I very soon discovered that there were none + other than dull. + </p> + <p> + She collected stamps. + </p> + <p> + She longed to have a pet monkey or a brother, she didn't much mind which. + </p> + <p> + At the mention of brothers I looked down at Dolly's slim legs, clothed in + fine black silk stockings, at the valenciennes lace on her muslin frock, + and I imagined that if she had any brothers, the younger ones would be + quite likely to have started life in trousers of their own. Yes, Dolly + looked like it. I learned a great deal from her in the time it had taken + me to get "yeth" and "nope" out of Thomas. + </p> + <p> + The energetic boy who had been obliged to keep up with the music at all + costs, the little fat girl's in particular, came up to me, and said in an + aggrieved voice, "Miss Daly has spoilt my program; she can't write, and + she has written big D's all over it. Will you write me out a fresh one?" + </p> + <p> + Which I, of course, did. Really it was very careless of Miss Daly. + </p> + <p> + The children danced hard, with intervals for tea and refreshment; and as + seven o'clock struck, there was a transformation scene. With conscientious + punctuality the party-dressed children turned, into little or big woolen + bundles, as the case might be. The last bundle I saw was a pink woolen + one, weeping bitterly. My heart was wrung. The noisy crying of a child is + bad enough, but when it is the soft weeping of a broken heart, it is + unbearable. Of course it was my friend Thomas. I stood on the staircase + unable to do anything, for he was quickly borne from the arms of Fraulein + by a big footman, and no doubt deposited in a brougham in the outer + darkness. Poor Thomas! + </p> + <p> + I hoped that the right sort of mother would be at home to unroll that pink + bundle, a mother who would pretend that it could not be her darling who + was crying, but a strange little boy with a face quite unknown to her. + Where could he have come from? And so on, until Thomas would be ashamed to + be seen with a strange face, and would smile, and then his mother would + say, "What is it, my darling?" because, of course, it was her own darling + who was crying, and she would never rest till she knew why. + </p> + <p> + I went back to the drawing-room quite happy that Thomas should be unrolled + by the right sort of mother, and as I walked across the room, my foot + slipped on something. I looked to see what it was I had trodden on. It was + a short screw, Thomas's precious possession. "That was why the poor pink + bundle was crying!" + </p> + <p> + "Hyacinth," I said, "who was Thomas?" + </p> + <p> + "Which one? There was little Thomas and the Thomas who lives a long way + off, and then just plain Thomas." + </p> + <p> + "I mean the fat little Thomas who danced so hard." + </p> + <p> + "Oh! that's the little Thomas," said Hyacinth. + </p> + <p> + "Where does he live?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, quite close; when we go to tea there we walk. He hasn't got a mother, + so there's no drawing-room. She died," added Hyacinth, as if it was an + every-day occurrence that Thomas should be left without a mother, instead + of its being a heart-breaking tragedy. A child with no mother, no mother + to unwrap the pink bundle, no mother to grieve for the screw, no mother to + understand things. Perhaps his mother had been a Diana sort of mother. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Thomas," I thought, "I must send you back your screw." I didn't care + what any one said—he should have it. + </p> + <p> + If he had had a mother, it wouldn't have mattered, because she would have + known it was a screw he had lost, and she would have known just what + comfort he would have needed; whereas a Fraulein would know nothing about + a screw, beyond the German for it, and the gender, of course. And of what + use is that to a child? It may sound very unconventional, and I suppose it + was so, to go to a strange house and ask for Thomas, and my only excuse a + small screw. But still I went! + </p> + <p> + I pictured a lonely child in a large house with a Fraulein and a nurse, + perhaps two; those I could face. A tall, sad father I had never thought + of! I am afraid I am not suited for the profession, I am too impulsive. + </p> + <p> + I rang the bell. The door was opened by a solemn man-servant, who did not + show the surprise he must have felt when I asked for Master Thomas. + Another, still more solemn, showed me into a downstairs room. I refused to + give my name, and a very large, serious Thomas rose from a chair as I was + ushered in, "A lady to see Master Thomas." So my errand was in part + explained, but the part left to tell was by far the most difficult. If + only Thomas had lost anything but a screw! No father could be expected to + know how it had been treasured. Supposing Thomas had been crying because + he had a pain, which sometimes comes to children after tea? Supposing he + hadn't been crying for his screw at all? Supposing he repudiated all + knowledge of it? + </p> + <p> + But here I was, screw in hand, and my story to tell. I told it. I was + grateful to the tall, sad Thomas for being so solemn, and not even + smiling, when I mentioned the screw. He said he was very grateful for my + kindness, and he went so far as to say he was sure Thomas had valued the + screw. + </p> + <p> + While some one was coming, for whom he had rung, he told me that when he + had taken Thomas to the Zoo, the only thing which he was really excited + about was the mouse in the elephant's house! Somehow or other that little + story put me at my ease, for it showed that the big Thomas at least + understood in part the mind of a child. + </p> + <p> + A nurse, not sad-looking I was glad to see, came in answer to the bell, + and the big Thomas asked if the little Thomas had lost a screw? In that I + was disappointed, the best nurse in the world might not know of a screw. + But the big Thomas did not wait to hear; he was sure the little Thomas + had, and he said we were coming upstairs to restore it to him. Of course I + had said by this time that I was Zerlina's sister-in-law. + </p> + <p> + We went upstairs, I following the tall Thomas, past the drawing-room, past + that bedroom whose door I knew was closed. A mother's bedroom is nearly + always in the same place in a London house, a child blindfolded could find + it, and the handle of a mother's door is always within the reach of the + smallest child; and so easily does it turn, that the door opens at the + slightest pressure of the smallest fingers. + </p> + <p> + Up we went to Thomas's own bedroom. There in his bed he sat, no longer + crying, but still sad and solemn, with evidences in his face of a sorrow + that rankled. He smiled when he saw me, too much of a gentleman to show + any surprise at seeing me in his bedroom. + </p> + <p> + "Thomas," I said, "I have brought you back your screw which you lost." I + put it in his outstretched hand, and a smile rippled all over his face. + </p> + <p> + Suddenly from out the darkness came a stentorian voice, "Right hand, + Tomus!" It was Fraulein! Thomas put out his right hand, and I, putting + aside all convention, gave him a real "Sara hug" for the sake of that + mother whose door was closed. It then began to dawn upon me how very + unconventional it was of me to be hugging a comparatively strange child, + in a perfectly strange house, and I hastily said good-night to the small + Thomas and the big Thomas, nurses and Fraulein, and literally ran + downstairs, followed of course by the big Thomas. At the foot of the + stairs I ran into the arms of Mr. Dudley. + </p> + <p> + His exclamation of "Aunt Woggles" was involuntary, I felt sure, and he had + every right to visit a sad, tall Mr. Thomas. But I thought Diana ought to + have told me that I was likely to meet him at—Well, a stranger's + house; so how could she? The only thing that consoled me was that in all + probability Mr. Dudley would explain my profession in life, and that I had + a screw loose. Yes, that would exactly explain the position. Otherwise I + didn't exactly know how he could describe me. + </p> + <p> + Well, Zerlina of course said I was mad. She didn't agree with me that the + screw could not possibly have been sent back in an envelope with a few + words of explanation. She said she would have bought a nice toy for the + child. What's the good of a toy to a child when he has lost a screw which + he found his very own self, any more than a squeaking rabbit is to a child + who has a "lubbly blush"? That was a lesson I had lately learned. + </p> + <p> + I didn't say all that to Zerlina, because, you see, she is a mother, and I + couldn't understand these things. She was very much surprised at being + late for the party, so surprised. She was full of apologies. + </p> + <p> + It was so good of me to help her! Had the darling children enjoyed + themselves? + </p> + <p> + I said, yes, they had, and the adorable mothers, and the delicious + Frauleins, and the heavenly mademoiselles. At this Zerlina looked a little + pained, and I was sorry I was cross, but I felt her want of sympathy for + Thomas. But then she had never passed that closed door. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0007" id="link2HCH0007"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter VII + </h2> + <p> + As a professional aunt must live somewhere, if only to simplify the + delivery of telegrams, it is as well perhaps to explain where I live and + why. The answer to the where, is London, and to the why, because it is the + best place for all professionals to live in. Many were the suggestions + that I should live in the country. Careful relatives and good housewives + saw a chance of cheap and fresh eggs, cheap and large chickens, and cheap + and freshly gathered vegetables, which showed, in the words of Dr. + Johnson, a triumph of hope over experience, for I have always found that + there are no eggs so dear as those laid by the hens of friends, no + chickens so thin as those kept by relatives, no vegetables so expensive as + those grown by acquaintances. But a professional aunt would of course be + expected to make special terms, although her hens, like those of other + people, would eat corn, and railways would charge just the same for + carrying her goods, whether they were consigned to sisters-in-law or not, + and the expense of the carriage is the reason invariably given why things + are so dear when bought from friends. Friends, too, have a way of sending + chickens with their feathers on, whereas the chickens one knows by sight, + laid in rows in poulterers' shops, have no association with feathers. + Don't you dislike the country friend who asks you to spend a night, and + then tells you at breakfast that the pillow you slept on was filled with + the feathers of departed hens known and loved by her? + </p> + <p> + Then there was Nannie, and my living in London added a great importance to + her position. She became at once chaperon, housekeeper, counselor, and + friend. It was a great joy to her to think that she shielded me from the + dangers of London; and she would willingly have fetched me from dinners + and parties generally, and saw nothing incongruous in the announcement, + "Miss Lisle's nurse is at the door." + </p> + <p> + "Not that I should be at the door," said Nannie; "I never go anywhere but + what I am asked inside and treated as such." Nannie still thinks of us as + children, and will continue to do so, no doubt until she who has rocked so + many babies to sleep shall herself be enfolded in the arms of Mother Earth—and + tenderly bidden to sleep. + </p> + <p> + Personally I had a leaning toward a flat, so many of my friends told me of + the joys of shutting it up when one goes away, which, by the way, I find + they never, or very rarely, do. But Nannie didn't hold with flats. It is + curious what things people don't hold with. After reading of a terrible + murder in a railway carriage, I cautioned my little housemaid, who was + going home one Sunday, to be careful not to be thrown out of a window. She + replied, "I don't hold with girls who are thrown out of windows." + </p> + <p> + Well, Nannie didn't hold with flats. To please me and to show her + open-mindedness, she went with me to look at flats, but there was a + tactless integrity about her criticism. I discovered that she judged of + everything from a nursery point of view; and when I ventured to suggest + that, as there were no children, a nursery was not of very great + importance, she said, "You never can tell." In this instance I felt I + could most distinctly tell, and wondered whether I might too tell Nannie + of something I didn't hold with. But I didn't. I remember once long ago + one of us asking Nannie if any one could have children without being + married, and Nannie answered in a very matter of fact voice, "They can, + dear, but it's better not." Anyhow, she didn't hold with flats. "There's + the porters for one thing," she said. That, of course, settled it, and we + looked at small houses. + </p> + <p> + "I suppose you will get married one of these days," she said, as we stood + on a doorstep waiting to be let in. + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps no one will have me," I said. + </p> + <p> + "Well, they might; people marry you least expect to. Look at Maria + Dewberry; you would never have—" + </p> + <p> + The door opened, or we will presume so, as my knowledge of Maria's + movements after her surprising marriage is nil. + </p> + <p> + Looking over houses is not without excitement, and certainly not without + surprises; but I was spared the experience some unknown person had who + came one day to see our house when we all lived in London, but happened to + be away. Having a house in the country, we very often did let the London + house, which accounts for the agent's mistake. + </p> + <p> + One day, just as Archie was going out, he found on the doorstep a charming + lady with a very pretty daughter. + </p> + <p> + "May we see over the house?" she asked. + </p> + <p> + "Certainly," said Archie. + </p> + <p> + He showed them all over the house, from cellar to garret. He says he + initiated them into the mysteries of the dark cupboard, and he says he + showed them everything of historic interest in the family. The daughter, + he vows, was tremendously interested. When they had seen everything and + Archie had brought them back to the hall, the charming mother said, "And + when is the house to let?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh! it's not to let," said Archie. + </p> + <p> + He says he assured them it was no trouble at all, etc.! + </p> + <p> + In every small house we went, Nannie trudged laboriously up to the top, + and I heard her murmuring, "Night, day," as she went backward and forward, + from one room to the other. At last we found a small house in Chelsea of + which she thoroughly approved. She couldn't exonerate the agent from all + blame in saying that there were views of the river from the window. "Not + but what there might be if we, leaned out far enough, but we can't because + of the bars." It was the very bars that had attracted her in the first + instance, from the outside. Bars meant a nursery. Iron bars may not make a + cage, but they undoubtedly make a nursery. + </p> + <p> + She stood at the top window and looked out on the green trees, and a + blackbird was obliging enough, at that very moment, to sing a love-song. + Perhaps it was about nurseries, and Nannie understood it; at all events + she decided there and then to take the house. "Of course," she said, "I + know there's no nursery wanted, but I don't hold with houses that can't + have nurseries in them, if they want to." That gave me an idea! It came + like a flash. Nannie should have her nursery! + </p> + <p> + Of course this all happened some years ago, when the home at Hames was + broken up. With the help of Diana I managed it beautifully. It was kept a + dead secret. Diana collected, or rather allowed me to collect, all the + things Nannie had specially loved in the home nursery, which I am sure + cost Diana a pang, as she was very anxious her children should abide by + tradition and grow up among the things their father had loved as a boy; + but she sent them all, even the rocking-horse, to me for my nursery. + </p> + <p> + The walls I had papered just as our nursery had been papered. Even the old + kettle was rescued from oblivion, and stood on the hob. It was so old that + any jumble sale would have been pleased to have it. The kettle-holder hung + on the wall, with its cat on a green ground, which had been lovely in the + day of its youth. One of us had worked it; Nannie of course knew which. + The tea-set was there with its green, speckled ground. + </p> + <p> + But while all this was being arranged, Nannie had a very bad time. It was + not for long, certainly, but she said it was pretty bad while it lasted. + To insure the complete secrecy of our nursery plan, we arranged that she + should go to Hames while we were doing it all, never thinking of what she + would feel on going into the Hames nursery and finding all her treasures + gone, and finding another woman reigning in her place; for all through our + grown-up years the nursery had been left for Nannie as it had been when we + were children. The nurse in her place hurt most. + </p> + <p> + "'Mrs.' here and 'Mrs.' there, certificated and teaching. It's all very + well, but I'm not sure they don't go too far in this teaching business. No + amount of teaching will—Well, it's there, so what's the use? I + expect Eve knew how to handle Cain right enough." + </p> + <p> + "He wasn't very well brought up, though, Nannie," I said. + </p> + <p> + "Poor child!" said Nannie. "How do we know it wasn't Abel's fault? He may + have been an aggravating child; some are born so, and I've seen a child, + many a time, go on at another till he's almost worried him into a frenzy + just saying, 'I see you,' over and over again, does it sometimes. Children + will do it, of course; besides, there were no commandments then, and you + can't expect children to do right without rules and regulations. That's + all discipline is, rules and regulations, which is commandments, so to + speak." + </p> + <p> + "You think, then, Nannie," I said, "that Eve forgot to tell Cain not to + kill Abel?" + </p> + <p> + "Well," said Nannie, "Eve had a lot to do; we can't blame her. She must + have had a lot to do. Think what a worry Adam must have been: he had no + experience, no nothing; he couldn't be a help to a woman, brought up as he + was, always thinking of himself as first, as of course he was! Now, + there's Parker—he is a good husband: he rolls the beef on Sunday to + save Mrs. Parker trouble, and prepares the vegetables; he is a good + husband, no trouble in the house whatsoever. He never brings in dirt, Mrs. + Parker says, wipes his feet ever so before he comes, on the finest day + just the same." + </p> + <p> + I thought the comparison a little hard on Adam, but still I didn't say so, + and Nannie reverted to the modern nurse, after informing me that men and + horses were sacred beasts! + </p> + <p> + "Well, about nurses, 'Mrs.' before a nurse's name doesn't soothe a fretful + child, nor make her more patient or loving. It might make her less + patient, if she took to wishing the 'Mrs.' was real instead of sham; some + women are like that, all for marrying. I dare say," said Nannie, when + going over her experiences, "my face did look blank when I missed all my + treasures, but f said nothing, although it was a blow when I thought of + all the lovely times you had had with that rocking-horse. You remember the + hole in it? Well, that was cut out solid because of all the things that + were inside that rocking-horse; almost all the things that had been lost + for years we found in that horse. My gold chain, for one thing, to say + nothing of other things. The tail came out, and that is how the things got + lost. The boys, always up to mischief, just popped anything they came + across down that hole and put in the tail again, so no one knew anything + about it. Well, then, your father lost something very special, I forget + what, and there was a to-do! And Jane said she believed there was a power + of things down that rocking-horse, so we got Jane's sister's young man, + who was a carpenter, or by way of being, to come and cut out a square + block out of the underneath—well, the stomach—of that horse—and + then we found things! Things we had lost for years. Then we put the block + back, and no one would have noticed particularly, not unless they had + looked. Well, that's what I missed, the rocking-horse, but still I said + nothing. Then we had tea out of new cups, and still I said nothing, + because tea-cups will get broken, and you can't expect young girls to take + care of cups like we did. The kettle-holder was gone! Then Mrs. David came + in. Oh! she is lovely and like your mother in some ways,—the ways of + going round and speaking to every one,—and she laid her hand on + Betty's head, just as I've seen your mother do a hundred times on yours, + and that was hard to bear. Anyhow, it's a good thing it wasn't some one + else who got Hames. There 's that to be thankful for. It begins with 'Z,' + you know." + </p> + <p> + "Nannie!" I said. + </p> + <p> + "Z for Zebra," said Nannie. + </p> + <p> + When the new nursery was all ready, Nannie was sent for. A dozen times + that day I ran up that narrow staircase, and in the morning I laid the tea + to see how it would look, and it looked so pretty that I left it. At four + o'clock the fire was lighted and the kettle was put on to boil. Nannie + drove up in a four wheeler. I was in the hall to meet her. She lingered to + look at everything. She went round and round the dining-room, up to the + drawing-room, even into the spare room, but no word of nursery. "Which is + my room?" she said. + </p> + <p> + "It's upstairs," I said. "Won't you come and look at it?" + </p> + <p> + "There's no hurry, is there, miss?" + </p> + <p> + I could see it was the nursery floor she dreaded. + </p> + <p> + "Well, there is rather a hurry, Nannie," I said. "I am so anxious to see + if you like all the house." + </p> + <p> + At last I got her upstairs. I threw open the nursery door. It was too + sudden, no doubt. At the sight of the kettle, the rocking-horse, the + tea-set, she burst into tears. + </p> + <p> + "Dear, dear Nannie," I said, "it is your own nursery; it's all from + Hames." + </p> + <p> + She paused in her sobs. "The robin mug's wrong," she said, and she moved + it to the opposite side of the table; "he always sat there." "He" applied + to a little brother who had died, not to the mug. + </p> + <p> + "It's a very small nursery, Nannie," I said apologetically. + </p> + <p> + "Well, there are no children to make it untidy," she answered. + </p> + <p> + So Nannie and I settled down in our nursery, and through the darkening of + that first evening she talked to me of my mother. It seems to me very + wonderful how one woman can so devotedly love the children of another, but + was it not greatly for the love of that other woman that Nannie loved us + so much? It is her figure, I know, that Nannie sees when she shuts her + eyes and re-peoples the nursery in her dreams,—that lovely mother, + the center of that nursery and home; that mother so quick to praise, so + loath to blame, so ready to find good in everything, so tender to + suffering, so pitiful to sin! + </p> + <p> + "Tell me about her when she was quite young, Nannie," I said. + </p> + <p> + And Nannie talked on, telling me the stories I knew by heart and loved so + dearly; and then, I remember, she started up. + </p> + <p> + "What is it, Nannie?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + "I thought she was calling," she replied; "I often seem to hear her + voice." + </p> + <p> + Dear Nannie! I believe she is ready to answer that call at any moment, for + all the love of her new nursery. + </p> + <p> + That is how I came to live in London. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0008" id="link2HCH0008"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter VIII + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> +Most people, I imagine, who live in London are asked by their relatives +and friends who live in the country to shop for them. My post is often + nothing more upsetting than on a very hot summer's morning, or a wet +winter's one, to find an envelope on my plate, or beside it, addressed +in Cousin Anastasia's large handwriting. "Dearest," the letter inside +it begins, "if" (heavily underlined) "you should be passing Paternoster +Row, will you choose me a nice little prayer-book, without a cross +on it, please; people tell me they are cheaper there than elsewhere, +prayer-books, I mean, for Jane, who is going to be confirmed. She +is such a nice clean girl. I do hope she will be as clean after her +confirmation, but one never can tell. In any case I feel I ought to give +her something, and a prayer-book, under the circumstances, seems the +most suitable thing." +</pre> + <p> + Jane, I remember, is a kitchen-maid. Of course I never pass Paternoster + Row, but that to a country cousin of Anastasia's mental caliber is not + worth consideration. She has no knowledge of geography, London's or + otherwise, and is doubtless one of those people who think New Zealand is + another name for Australia. + </p> + <p> + On another occasion she writes to say that Martha, the head housemaid, + "such an excellent servant," (all heavily under lined), who has been with + them seventeen years, is going to marry a nice, clean widower with six + children. She must give her a nice present; "nice" is underlined several + times. She has heard that in the Edgeware Road there are to be had, + complete in case, for three-and-sixpence, excellent clocks. She doesn't + know the name of the shop, but she believes it begins with "P," and if I + could look in as I pass, she would be most grateful. As will be guessed, + Anastasia is a wealthy woman with no sense of humor. She knows she has + none, and she says she doesn't know what rich people want it for. Of + course for poor people it is an excellent thing, because it enables them + to look at the bright side of things; but as Anastasia's things, life in + particular, are bright on all sides, she doesn't need that particular + sense. + </p> + <p> + Then there is another country cousin she is so sweet and diffident about + asking me to do anything, that I feel I ought willingly to look into every + shop window in the Edgeware Road beginning with "P" or any other letter, + however wet or hot the day! And I am not sure that I wouldn't! Her writing + is as meek as Anastasia's is aggressive, and she never descends to the + transparency of an underlined "if." She says, would I mind sending her a + book, called so-and-so, by such and such an author, price so much? It is + all plain sailing with Cousin Penelope. She knows just what she wants and + where to get it; so much so that I sometimes wonder why she doesn't send + straight to the shop. But country cousins never do that; for wherein would + lie the use of London cousins, if they didn't shop for their country + cousins? How would they occupy their time? She would like me please to get + it at Bumpus's, because they are so very civil and they knew her dear + father. I might mention his name if I thought fit! Now, I know quite well + that it is impossible that any one at Bumpus's, be he ever so venerable, + can ever have known Cousin Penelope's father. The name, being Smith, may + no doubt be familiar. Of course Cousin Penelope would repay any expense I + incurred. In fact she must insist on so doing. + </p> + <p> + "Insist" seems too strong a word to apply to any power that Cousin + Penelope could enforce. It would be something so gentle; persistent, + perhaps, but insistent? Never! "I beg, I implore, I entreat," would all be + suitable, but "I insist" does not suggest Cousin Penelope. + </p> + <p> + Dear Cousin Penelope, we are told, had a love-story in her youth, the + sadness of which ruined her life. It must have been a very beautiful + thing, that sorrow, to have made her what she is. One feels that it must + be a very wonderful love that is laid away in the wrappings of submission + and tied with the ribbons of resignation. There is assuredly no bitterness + about it, and I sometimes wonder if one's own sorrow which tears and tugs + at one's heart will some day leave such a record of holiness and patience + on one's face! I am afraid not. I look in the glass, but I see nothing in + the reflection which in the least resembles Cousin Penelope, nor can I + believe that time will do it, nor am I brave enough to wish it. I cannot + yet pray for a peace like hers. People say time can do everything, but + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + "Time is + Too slow for those who wait, + Too swift for those who fear, + Too long for those who grieve, + Too short for those who rejoice, + But for those who love Time is + Eternity." +</pre> + <p> + So it is written on a sun-dial I know, and when I have a sun-dial of my + own, those words shall be written thereon. + </p> + <p> + I think time lies heavily sometimes on Hugh's hands. He said one day, "The + days pass by, Betty, and we don't grow up!" + </p> + <p> + To return to booksellers. There is "Truslove and Hanson" in my more or + less immediate neighborhood, who are civil to a degree, but they did not + know Cousin Penelope's father, therefore they are not specially qualified + to sell a book to his daughter! So to Bumpus I must go, and I love it. A + bookshop is a joy to me; the feel of books, the smell of books, the look + of books, I love! I even enjoy cutting the pages of a book, which I + believe every one does not enjoy. + </p> + <p> + Then there is another country cousin, Pauline. When her letter comes, I + open it with mixed feelings, in which the feeling of fondness + predominates. One can't help loving her. She never asks one to shop for + her, but with her, which is perhaps an even greater test of friendship. On + a particularly hot day, I remember, a letter came from Pauline which + announced her immediate arrival. I was, waiting in the hall for her, ready + to start, which is a stipulation she always makes, as she says it is such + a pity to waste time. She greeted me in the same rather tempestuous manner + that I am accustomed to at the hands of Betty and Hugh, and then she ran + down the steps again to tell the cabman that he had a very nice horse, + which she patted, and said, "Whoa, mare!" She always does that. She then + asked the cabman how long he had been driving, whether it was difficult to + drive at night, and whether it was true he could only see his horse's + ears; and I think she asked if he had any children, but of that I am not + quite sure. If she didn't, it was a lapse of memory on her part. Even the + cab-runner interested her. Hadn't I noticed what a sad face he had? + </p> + <p> + I said I hadn't noticed anything except that he was rather dirty. Pauline + said, "Of course he is dirty; what would you be, if you ran after cabs all + day?" I wondered. + </p> + <p> + Talking of cab-runners, I told her of the children's party I went to with + Cousin Penelope, who, very much afraid that she was late, said in her + sweetest manner to a man who opened the cab-door for us, "Are we late?" + And the man answered, "I really cannot say, madam; I have only just this + moment arrived myself." + </p> + <p> + He was in rags, which I did not tell her; the sponge cake would have stuck + in her throat at tea if I had. But I gave him something for his ready wit, + and wished for weeks afterwards that I had plunged into the darkness after + him. "What a charming man!" said Cousin Penelope. But to return to + Pauline. + </p> + <p> + "What a glorious day we are going to have!" she said. "It is good of you + to say I may stay the night, and if I go to a ball, you won't mind? I have + brought a small box,—as you see." + </p> + <p> + I did see, and to my mind its size bordered on indecency. I like a box to + look sufficiently large to take all I think a woman ought to need for a + night's stay. Pauline often assures me it does hold everything, squashed + tight, of course. I say it must be squashed very tight, and she says it + is. "That's the beauty of the present-day fashion of fluffy things: + everything is so easily squashed, and yet you can't squash them; an + accordion-pleated thing, for instance." + </p> + <p> + To a man whose admiration for a woman is gauged by the amount of luggage + she can travel without, Pauline would prove irresistible. I know one who + prides himself on his packing, and who has a horror of much luggage. He + was all packed ready to go to Scotland, when his wife asked him if he + could lend her a collar-stud for her flannel shirts, and he said, "Yes, + but you must carry it yourself, I'm full up!" + </p> + <p> + To that man Pauline, I am sure, would be very attractive. + </p> + <p> + When Pauline and I started off on our shopping expedition, she demurred at + taking a hansom, although she loves driving in them; but she said 'buses + were so much more amusing. "People in 'buses say such funny things," she + said, and so they do. The old lady in particular who, when the horse got + his leg over the trace without hurting himself or any one else, got up and + announced to the 'bus in general: "There, I always did say I hated horses + and dogs," and sat down again. I loved her for that and for other things + too, among them her apple-cheeks and poke bonnet. + </p> + <p> + Another reason why I insisted upon a hansom is that Pauline is not to be + trusted in a 'bus; her interest in her fellow-creatures is embarrassing. I + have, moreover, sat opposite babies in 'buses with Pauline, and where a + baby is concerned, she has no self-control. So I was firm, and we started + off in a hansom. I was continually besought to look at some delicious + baby, first this side, then that. + </p> + <p> + Pauline calmly avers that she would go mad if she lived in London. She + couldn't stand seeing so many beautiful children, or babies, beautiful or + otherwise. It is curious how babies in perambulators hold out their hands + to Pauline as she passes, and laugh and gurgle at her. + </p> + <p> + Once in Piccadilly, beautiful babies became less plentiful, and Pauline + turned her thoughts and sympathies to horses and bearing-reins. She was + instantly plunged into the depths of despair. Couldn't I do something, she + asked, to remedy such a crying evil? She said it was the duty of every + woman in London—Something in the catalogue she was carrying arrested + her attention, and what it was the duty of every woman to do I am not + sure. I did not ask, but was grateful for the peace which ensued. + </p> + <p> + Pauline was glad the sales were on. She loved them, and yet she didn't + like them, because she didn't think they brought out the best side of a + woman's character. "I think," she said, "a woman's behavior at sales is a + test, don't you?" + </p> + <p> + I said I thought her behavior as regarded swing-doors was a surer one. She + said she hadn't thought of that. + </p> + <p> + "But I know what you mean; I do dislike the flouncing, pushing woman. I + think every one should be taught to be courteous and gentle, don't you?" + She added, "I hate being pushed." + </p> + <p> + I told her of a woman next me in a 'bus one day, who said, "You're + a-sittin' on me!" How I rose and politely begged her pardon, whereupon she + said, "Now you're a-standin' on me!" And we agreed that there is no + pleasing some people. + </p> + <p> + Pauline returned to the perusal of the catalogue, in which she had put a + large cross against the picture of a coat and skirt. She said she was + stock-size. She didn't suppose any really smart women were. "Or would own + to it," I suggested, but she didn't answer; she never does if she detects + any savor of malice in a remark. She was very anxious I should admire the + illustration. I did, but I felt it my duty as a London cousin to a country + cousin to tell her that the illustration might lead her to expect too + much. She warmly agreed that of course as regarded the figure, etc., the + illustration was misleading, because she, of course, could never look so + beautifully willowy as that. She was inclined to come out where the + illustration went in, and she could never be so slanty, never; but apart + from that, of course the coat and skirt would be exactly as it was + pictured. Her figure would be to blame, of course. Her figure happens to + be a very pretty one, but she didn't give me time to say so. I repeated + that I should not put implicit faith in the illustration. She was a little + hurt. She did not think it right to cast aspersions on the character of so + respectable a firm as that whose name headed the catalogue. I said I + didn't see it quite in the same light. Pauline looked at me reproachfully, + and said drawing a lie was as bad as telling one. + </p> + <p> + The argument was beyond me; besides, I like Pauline to look reproachfully + at me, she is so pretty. Being as pretty as she undoubtedly is, I often + wonder why she is not more effective. + </p> + <p> + The right kind of country beauty is very convincing to the jaded Londoner; + but to convince, one must be convinced, and that is exactly what Pauline + is not. She never thinks whether she is beautiful or not, and I am sure it + often lies with the woman herself, how beautiful people think her, except + in the rare cases of real beauty, when there can be but one opinion. But + in the case of ordinary beauty, the woman is appraised at her own value. + Then there is the art of putting on clothes, of which Pauline is + absolutely ignorant. There is even a studied untidiness which passes under + the name of picturesque. All of this is a closed book to Pauline, and, + after all, she is a delightful creature; but the trouble to me was that, + at the time she came up to shop with me, she didn't wear good boots, and + to do that I hold is part, or should be part, of a woman's creed. She gets + her boots from the village shoemaker because his wife died. Her eyes + filled with tears at the mere thought of the man, and she told me she + thought it right to encourage local talent. In the boots I saw evidences + of locality,—bumps, for instance,—but not of talent. Pauline + was very indignant and said she had no bumps on her feet. "But you see my + position?" I did, but I persuaded her to have some good boots made in + London. This she consented to do, rather unwillingly and on the distinct + understanding that in the country she should continue to encourage local + talent. "On wet days," I ventured. + </p> + <p> + And at flower-shows, she added. + </p> + <p> + I have seen Pauline in the country, against a background of golden beech + trees and brown bracken, look even beautiful; but in London she lacks + something, possibly the right background. She has glorious hair, but her + maid can't do it. Pauline admits it, but she says she can't send a nice + woman away on that account; besides, she suffers from rheumatism, and + Pauline's particular part of the country suits her better than any other. + </p> + <p> + "Couldn't she learn?" I suggested. + </p> + <p> + "No, she can't," said Pauline. "She had lessons once, and she came back + and did my hair like treacle, all over my head,—no idea, absolutely. + I should never look like you, whatever I did." + </p> + <p> + "My dear Pauline," I said, "what nonsense!" + </p> + <p> + "It's not nonsense. Father was saying only the other day that you are a + beautiful creature, only no one seems to see it." + </p> + <p> + "Dear Uncle Jim," I said; "how delightful, and how like him!" + </p> + <p> + "But it's true you are beautiful; only the part about the people not + seeing it isn't true: that's father's way of putting it. You are + beautiful!" + </p> + <p> + "My dear child!" + </p> + <p> + "Why do you say 'dear child' to me? People would think you were years and + years older than I am. Why do you always talk as if life were over? Have + you a secret sorrow?" + </p> + <p> + If Pauline, warm-hearted, loving Pauline had really thought I had, she + would have been the last person to ask such a question. + </p> + <p> + "Do I look it?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + "No-o. Only when people seem to spend the whole of their life in doing + things for other people, it makes one suspect that they are saying to + themselves, 'As we can't be happy ourselves, we can see that other people + are.'" + </p> + <p> + "What a philosopher you are, Pauline! If you go on that supposition, you + must have a terrible sorrow somewhere hidden behind that happy face of + yours." + </p> + <p> + Pauline is not meant to live in London. She thanks people in a crowd for + letting her pass. If she is pushed off the pavement, she is only sorry + that the person can be so rude as to do it. She never gets into a 'bus or + takes any vehicular advantage over a widow, and she feels choky if she + sees any one very old. "Do you know why?" she asked. "Because they are, so + near Heaven, and sometimes I think you see the reflection of it in their + faces." + </p> + <p> + "Like Cousin Penelope," I said. + </p> + <p> + We arrived at the shop where the coat and skirt were to be had, and + Pauline, having admired the horse and thanked the cabman, and the + commissionaire, who held his arm over a perfectly dry wheel, followed me + into the shop. She admired everything as she went through the different + departments, and apologized to the shop walkers for not being able to buy + everything; but she lived in the country, and although the things were + lovely, they would be no use to her—dogs on her lap most of the day, + and so on. + </p> + <p> + Everyone looked at Pauline; and old ladies, to whom she always appeals + very much, put their heads on one side, as old ladies do when they admire + anything very much, anything which reminds them of their own youth, and + smiled. Old ladies have this privilege, that when they arrive at a certain + age, they are allowed to think they were beautiful in their youth, and to + tell you so. It is a recognized thing, and one of the recompenses of old + age. We all know that every one had a beautiful grandmother—one at + least; and if a portrait of one grandmother belies the fact, then there is + the other one to fall back upon, of whom, unfortunately, no portrait + exists, and she was abs—so—lute—lee lovely! + </p> + <p> + The coat and skirt were found and eagerly compared with the illustration, + and Pauline turned to me and said with a triumphant ringing her voice: "It + wasn't an exaggeration. I knew it wouldn't be. Mother has dealt here for + years." + </p> + <p> + Then we went upstairs to try it on. In a few minutes Pauline had + discovered that the fitter was supporting her deceased sister's husband + and six children, the eldest of whom wasn't quite right and the youngest + had rickets. She was so distressed that she didn't want the back of her + coat altered, the woman already had so much to bear. But I prevailed upon + her to have the alteration made regardless of the woman's domestic + anxieties. I felt sure it would make no difference. But I cannot help + feeling that Pauline's visit to that shop did make a difference to that + poor woman, if only for a few moments in her life. And I think those + children's lives were made happier too; but it is difficult to get Pauline + to talk of these things. + </p> + <p> + Then we went to the shoemaker, and Pauline told him all about the widower + bootmaker, and of her scruples about having boots made by any one else. + The bootmaker evidently thought that a foot like Pauline's was worthy of a + good boot and Pauline said there were occasions on which one had to sink + one's own feelings. She was scandalized at London prices, and told the man + so. "But of course it means higher pay for the men, so it's all right." + </p> + <p> + On our way home I said to Pauline that I couldn't understand why she was + so economical—ready-made coats and skirts, and afraid of paying a + fair price for good boots! Was her allowance smaller than it used to be? + She got pink and didn't answer. I determined she should, and at last she + did. + </p> + <p> + "Well, you see, I pay a woman to come and wash the shoemaker's children on + Saturday evenings." + </p> + <p> + I smiled. "That can't cost much, unless she provides the soap." + </p> + <p> + Pauline got pinker still. "Well, I pay for the village nurse, and a few + other little things. Then there's a little baby," she dropped her voice, + "who has no mother—she died—and who never had a father, and + every one doesn't care for those sort of babies.—You do like my coat + and skirt, don't you?" + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0009" id="link2HCH0009"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter IX + </h2> + <p> + I think, by the way, that it was on that very day that Mr. Dudley met + Pauline. She, of course, would know the exact date and hour, but I am + almost sure of it, for although it may mean a day of less ecstatic joy to + me than it does to her, it brought much peace and subsequent happiness + into my life, and therefore is writ in red letters in my book of days. For + the visits of Dick Dudley had latterly become more frequent than I cared + for, and much as I liked him, I began to wish that I had remained in his + estimation under the shadow of Diana's charming personality, for so he had + tolerated me until the fateful day on which I had partaken of Betty's gray + wad. That act of professional valor ignited a spark of feeling for me in + his breast, which, fostered by Hugh's constant suggestion, sprang into + something warmer than I could have wished, and was fanned into flame on + the day on which he found me paying a visit of consolation to the small + fat Thomas. Now, strangely enough, that small fat person was nephew to + Dick Dudley. How small the world is! And the mother turned out to have + been exactly the sort of mother I had thought she must be. One of the + nicest things about Dick Dudley was the way he spoke of that sister, and + we had long talks about her, until I awoke to the fact that that sister + and I must have been twins, so alike were we; then I began to be afraid. + For I couldn't tell him that there was some one far away, for whom I was + waiting from day to day. One can hardly barricade one's self behind such + an announcement. The classification of women is incomplete. There are + those who are engaged and who care; there are those who are engaged and + who don't care; there are those who don't care and, who are not engaged; + then there are those who care and who are not engaged, so cannot say. It + is not their fault if, sometimes, they wound a passing lover. Mercifully + there are Pauline's in this world to relieve one of unsought affections, + and I liked Dick Dudley well enough, and not too much to be glad when I + saw him give ever such a small start when he walked into my drawing-room + and saw Pauline sitting there, clothed in cool green linen and looking her + very best. I had done her glorious hair on the top—that, I think is + the expression—and she sat in the window so that her hair shone like + burnished gold, and she was saying in a voice fraught with emotion, "If I + had my way, there should be no sorrow or suffering," which of all + sentiments was the most likely to appeal to Dick Dudley, for he is one of + those who look upon sorrow and suffering as bad management on the part of + some one, since the world is really such an awfully jolly place, if only + people didn't make a muddle of their lives. He says it is all very well to + talk of high ideals, you can't live up to them, the best you can do is to + live up to the highest practical ideal. But then his standard of ideal is + very much higher since he saw Pauline for the first time. Pauline blushed + when a strange man walked into the room, which was all for the best, and + made the day a happier one for me. Not that Dick Dudley was not very loyal + to me. He tried, I could see it was an effort not to talk too much to + Pauline, although the topic of bearing-reins, under certain circumstances, + was a very engrossing one, and spaniels a never-ending one. Pauline + expressed her surprise that Mr. Dudley should ask her if she lived in + London. + </p> + <p> + "I thought every one could see I lived in the country," she said. "Did you + mean it for a compliment?" she asked kindly. + </p> + <p> + Dick Dudley was a little overcome by this, and he said he would hardly + have dared to pay her a compliment, since every one knew that girls who + lived in the country away from bearing-reins and other hardening and + worldly influences, and in close proximity to spaniels, black, liver and + white, cocker, clumber, and otherwise, were so vastly superior to their + London sisters. Here Dick got a little deep and Pauline kindly rescued + him. + </p> + <p> + "A compliment to my clothes, I meant," she said; "because all my friends + in London tell me my clothes are so countrified." + </p> + <p> + Dick listened very, very seriously to the reasons why Pauline was obliged + to have most of her clothes made in the country, and I could see that + every moment he thought less of the importance of clothes and their + makers, and more and more of the qualities essential in woman, simplicity, + goodness, frankness, and an absence of artificiality. I saw it all on his + face, dawning slowly and surely. By the time we had had tea, I could see + it was a matter of mutual satisfaction to both Dick and Pauline to find + that they were going to the same dance that night. The responsibility of + chaperoning Pauline was not mine. + </p> + <p> + My anxiety as to the ball dress emerging from the small box was relieved + by Pauline telling me that it was to come from the dressmaker just in time + for her to dress for the ball; which it did. She came to be inspected by + Nannie and me before she started, and she really looked delicious. Her + assets as a country girl counted heavily that night, she looked so fresh, + so natural, and so full of the joy of living. Her hair counted, every hair + of it. Nannie was so touched that she wept aloud and said it was what I + ought to be doing. But I told her professional aunts went only to + children's parties, where they could be of some use. Pauline wished I was + going. "Betty," she said and paused, "I am sure Mr. —— is his + name Dudley? feels very much your not going." I laughed, and marked it + down against her that she should have said, "Is his name Dudley?" It was + the first evidence of feminine guile I had detected in her. Men are + answerable for a very great deal. + </p> + <p> + I woke to greet Pauline when she came into my sunlit room at five o'clock + in the morning, looking still fresh, untired, and more than ever full of + the joy of living. "Oh, it was lovely," she said, sitting down on my bed. + </p> + <p> + "Who saw you home?" I asked professionally. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Aunt Adela to the very door; she even waited till I shut it." + </p> + <p> + "Who did you dance with?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + "Heaps and heaps of people. I was lucky; all Thorpshire seemed to be + there; and then Mr. Dudley. Betty, I understand now." + </p> + <p> + "What?" I said, alarmed by the note of tragic kindness in her voice. + </p> + <p> + "About Mr. Dudley, he talked about you so beautifully. He agrees with me + absolutely about your character, and he told me about his sister." + Pauline's voice became hushed. + </p> + <p> + "Did he say she was just a little like you, Pauline?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, he did. You knew her, then? He said I reminded him of her so + strangely. I think he would make a woman very happy. I do really." + </p> + <p> + "So do I, dear Pauline, really." + </p> + <p> + "Then won't you?" + </p> + <p> + "No, darling goose." + </p> + <p> + "Why?" + </p> + <p> + "Because I am not the woman. Go to bed, Pauline." + </p> + <p> + She went—to sleep? I cannot say. I forget whether a girl goes to + sleep the first night after she has fallen in love. Night? I suppose I + should say morning. But it depends on the hour when she takes the first + step into that bewildering fairyland of first love. For a fairyland it + assuredly is, if she is lucky enough to find the right guide. He must, to + begin with, believe in the fairyland. He must know that the path may be + rough at times, stony and overgrown with weeds, but he will know that all + the difficulties will be worth while when he brings her out into the open, + and they look away to the limitless horizon of happiness. + </p> + <p> + A few hours later, Pauline said to me at breakfast, "Betty, I think I + shall tell that bootmaker to make me two pairs of boots and two pairs of + shoes. It is better to have enough while one is about it, don't you think + so?" + </p> + <p> + So began the regeneration of Pauline, regeneration in the matter of + footgear, I mean, and to wear good boots did her character no harm, nor + the pocket of the country shoemaker either, I am sure. Good boots could + not turn her feet from the pathway of truth and goodness which from her + earliest childhood she had set out to tread, never pausing except to pick + up some one who lagged behind, or to help some one who had strayed from + the path. + </p> + <p> + Dick Dudley, whose pathway through life had zigzagged considerably, was + astonished to find how easy the pathway was to keep, guided by Pauline, + and how alluring the goal of goodness. He gave himself up gladly to her + guidance, and was touched to find how much there was of latent goodness in + him. He had never before realized, that was all, how much he loved his + fellow-creatures, how he longed to help them all, how the conditions of + the laboring-classes made his blood boil with indignation, how he idolized + babies, loved old women, reverenced old men. + </p> + <p> + It was all a revelation to him. It was, moreover, delightful to be told by + Pauline how wonderful she found all these things in him, and how + unexpected. This, she explained, was nothing personal. "But I often + wondered if I should ever meet a man like you." + </p> + <p> + "Darling," he answered humbly, "I don't think I am that sort of man; + really, I'm awfully and frightfully ordinary." + </p> + <p> + Then Pauline, to prove the contrary, would ask him if he didn't feel this + or that or the other? And of course he could truthfully say he did, + because he felt all and everything Pauline wished him to feel, with her + beautiful eyes fixed upon him and the flush of enthusiasm on her cheeks. + Here was something to inspire a man, this splendidly generous, magnanimous + creature. Of course he had always felt all these things; he had been + groping after goodness. It was the goodness in Diana, and he was kind + enough to say in the professional aunt, which had appealed to him. He had + been feeling after, it for years, but it was only Pauline who had revealed + it to him, in himself. Well, he was very much in love. Most men engaged to + charming girls feel their own unworthiness, and the girl is sweetly + content that they should do so. Not so Pauline. She revealed to her + astonished lover a depth of goodness in his character that he had least + suspected, and he gradually began to feel how little he had been + understood. + </p> + <p> + Now this is an excellent basis on which to start an engagement. I forget + exactly how and when they became engaged, but it was certainly before Dick + said humbly, "Darling, I don't think I am that sort of man; really, I'm + awfully and frightfully ordinary," because, with all Pauline's kindness to + sinners, there was none hardened enough to address her as "darling" + without being first engaged to her; so by that I know they were engaged + that evening at the opera, because it was in a Wagnerian pause that Dick + said those words, in a loud voice from the back of the box. How else + should a professional aunt know these things? + </p> + <p> + Between meeting Dick and becoming engaged to him, Pauline went home and + came back with a larger box and stayed quite a long time, as time goes, + although, as a time in which to become engaged, it was very short, and + Nannie, feeling this, asked Pauline if she knew much about Mr. Dudley, and + was she wise? In spite of this anxiety on Nannie's part, she enjoyed it + all immensely, and wept to her heart's content when the engagement was + announced. Now Dick Dudley was a rich young man, and I wondered whether + other people wept too from motives less pure and simple than Nannie's. + </p> + <p> + Pauline wanted me to join a society called "The Deaf Dog Society." The + obligation enforced on members was that they should kneel down, put their + arms round the neck of any deaf dog they should chance to meet, and say, + "Darling, I love you." + </p> + <p> + "You see," she said, "a deaf dog doesn't know he is deaf, he only wonders + why no one ever speaks to him, why no one ever calls him. So you see what + a splendid society it is, and there is no subscription." + </p> + <p> + Dick made a stipulation that the benefits of the society should be + conferred on dogs only. He made a point of that. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0010" id="link2HCH0010"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter X + </h2> + <p> + As there was nothing to wait for, happy people, it was agreed by all + parties that the wedding should take place in August, which kept me rather + late in town; it was hardly worth going away, to come back again, as back + again I had to come, as Betty and Hugh were coming to stay with me for a + night on their way to Thorpshire. It is not astonishing, perhaps, that two + children, modern children in particular, and a nursery-maid can fill to + overflowing a small London house, but it is astonishing how demoralizing a + thing it is. A visiting child to people who have children of their own + means nothing, beyond the changing from one room to another of some + particular child, or the putting up of an extra bed, or perhaps the joy + supreme to some child of sleeping in something that is not a real bed. We + all remember that joy. Except for that one child, it is an every-day thing + and fraught with no particular excitement. The servants, for instance, in + a house where children are an every-day thing, remain quite calm, if good + tempered, when a visiting child is expected, and the kitchen-maid, no + doubt, cleans the doorstep as usual, and, no doubt, takes in the milk. But + this I know, that if I had happened to possess such a thing when Betty and + Hugh were coming to stay, my doorstep would never have been cleaned. For + once I was glad that I depended on the services of a very small boy, who + thinks he cleans it. Staid and level-headed as were my maids, they + answered no bells that morning, which was perhaps natural, as I believe + none ring up to the nursery. Of course they had to be interested in + Nannie's arrangements. + </p> + <p> + It was a hot August day, I remember, and I sat at the window writing, or + pretending to write. As a matter of fact, I was listening. Among other + things to the "Austrian Anthem," played over and over again, first right + hand, then left, then both, but not together, by, I guessed, a child about + ten years old, next door. + </p> + <p> + Poor, hot child, how I pitied her. + </p> + <p> + "Never mind," I thought, "take courage, seaside time is coming. Within a + few days, no doubt, an omnibus will come to the door empty, to go away + full, filled with luggage, crowned by a perambulator and a baby's bath!" + It is only a woman who can travel with a perambulator and a bath; they are + the epitome of motherhood. A father is always too busy to go by that + particular train. + </p> + <p> + I heard the twitter of sparrows, the jingle of bells, the hooting of a + siren, or was it my neighbor singing "A rose I gave to you"? of course it + was,—the rumble of a post-office van, and the cry of children's + voices, rather peevish voices, poor mites! Never mind, seaside time is + coming. + </p> + <p> + Listening more intently, I beard in the far distance, yet distinct, the + cries of the children who ought to go to the seaside, children who have + never been to the seaside, never paddled, never built castles, never + caught crabs, never seen sea-anemones or starfish, children whose faces + are wan and whose mothers are too tired to be kind to them. It is often + that, I am sure, too tired to be kind! + </p> + <p> + Listening again, I heard faintly—it is not with the ears that one + hears these things—the unuttered complaints of those tired mothers, + worn-out women, despairing men, and the singing, in dark alleys and in hot + areas, of caged birds. There are thousands of caged creatures, other than + birds, in London in August, men, women, and children. Hats off, then, to + the little feathered Christians who sing for their fellow-prisoners a + paean of praise. It is perhaps easier to sing to the patch of blue sky + when you do not know that it will be hidden behind clouds tomorrow. + </p> + <p> + "They've come," cried Nannie. + </p> + <p> + "O Aunt Woggles!" said Hugh, "I've brought you a lovely caterpillar + wrapped up in grass." + </p> + <p> + "And I've brought you one of my very own bantam eggs," said Betty. "I've + kept it ever so long for you." + </p> + <p> + Then it will be bad, said Hugh. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, not so long as to be bad," said Betty. "You will eat it, won't you, + Aunt Woggles?" + </p> + <p> + Nannie was radiantly happy at tea that day, but I think her happiness was + supreme when she fetched me later to look at the children asleep. We stole + into Betty's room together, and Nannie shaded the candle as she held it, + for me to look at what is assuredly the loveliest thing on God's earth—a + sleeping child. + </p> + <p> + Nannie, in an eloquent silence, pointed to the chair on which lay Betty's + clean clothes, folded ready for the morning, and to her hairy horse which + she had brought for company. Her blue slippers were beside the bed. Then + we went into Hugh's room. He, too, lay peaceful and beautiful, his clothes + folded ready for the morning, and his pistol beside him in case he was + "attacked." His slippers were red, and Nannie, at the sight of them, cried + quietly. To some happy mothers a child's slippers mean nothing more than + size two or three, and serve only to remind her how quickly children grow + out of things! + </p> + <p> + But to Nannie they brought back memories of years of happiness, through + which little feet, in just the same sort of slippers, had pattered, + stumbling here, falling there, picked up, and guided by her. But she + thought most of the little feet in just that sort of slippers, that had + stopped still forever early on their life's journey. It is the voices that + are hushed that call most distinctly, the footsteps that stop that are + most carefully traced. It is the children who have gone that stand and + beckon! + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0011" id="link2HCH0011"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XI + </h2> + <p> + Pauline's wedding-day dawned gloriously bright and beautiful. The whole + village was up and doing, very early, putting the finishing touches to the + decorations. + </p> + <p> + The widower shoemaker and his children, and the woman who washed them—the + children, I mean—on Saturdays, had all combined to erect a triumphal + arch of, great splendor, and the woman showed such sensibility in the + choice of mottoes, and such a nice appreciation of the joys of matrimony, + together with a decided leaning towards the bridegroom's side of the arch, + that the shoemaker suggested that she should suit her actions to her words—that + was how he expressed it—and marry him, which she agreed to do. But + she afterwards explained, in breaking the news to her friends, that they + could have knocked her down with a leaf! Whether this was due to the + weakened state of her heart, or to her precarious position on the ladder, + I do not know. + </p> + <p> + Everybody and everything was in a bustle, with the exception of Aunt + Cecilia, who sat through it all as calm and as beautiful as ever. Not that + she did not feel parting with Pauline, but her love for everybody and + everything was of a nature so purely unselfish that it never occurred to + her to count the cost to herself. + </p> + <p> + I have never met any one who so completely combines in her character + gentleness and strength as does Aunt Cecilia: so gentle in spirit and + judgment, and so strong in her fight for principles and beliefs. If she + has a weakness, and I could never wish any one I love to be without one, + it lies in her love for Patience. She does not think it right to play in + the morning, but sometimes, being unable to withstand the temptation of so + doing, she plays it in an empty drawer of her writing-table, and if she + hears any one coming, she can close the drawer! + </p> + <p> + Her greatest interest in life, next to her husband and children, is her + garden and other people's gardens. In fact, she looks at life generally + from a gardening point of view, and is apt to regard men as gardeners, + possible gardeners, or gardeners wasted. As gardeners they have their very + distinct use, and as such deserve every consideration, but if a man will + not till the soil, he is a cumberer thereof. She, at least, inclines that + way in thought. Life, she says, is a garden, children the flowers, parents + the gardeners. "If we treated children as we do roses, they would be far + happier. We don't call roses naughty when they grow badly and refuse to + flower as they ought to; we blame the gardeners or the soil." + </p> + <p> + "But, Aunt Cecilia," I say, "one can recommend an unsatisfactory gardener + to a friend, but one can't so dispose of unsatisfactory parents." + </p> + <p> + "You must educate them, dear." + </p> + <p> + Now all this sounds very convincing when said by Aunt Cecilia, because, + for one thing, she says it very charmingly, and for another, she is still + a very beautiful woman. She is too fond, perhaps, of extinguishing her + beauty under a large mushroom hat, and is given to bending too much over + herbaceous borders, and so hiding her beautiful face. But I dare say the + flowers love to look at it, and to see mirrored in it their own + loveliness. + </p> + <p> + Aunt Cecilia wears a bonnet sometimes, and thereby hangs a tale. So few + aunts wear a bonnet nowadays that the fact of one doing so is almost worth + chronicling. She doesn't wear it very often, only at the christenings of + the head gardener's babies. From a christening point of view that is very + often, but from a bonnet point of view I suppose it might be called seldom—once + a year? I know that bonnet well, because it has been sent to me often for + renovation. On one particular occasion it arrived in a cardboard box. On + the top of the bonnet was a bunch of flowers, beautiful enough to make any + bonnet accompanying it welcome, in whatever state of dilapidation. Aunt + Cecilia has a knack of sending just the right sort of flowers, and they + always bring a message, which everybody's flowers don't do. + </p> + <p> + The bonnet I renovated to the best of my ability and sent it back. In the + course of a few days I received a slightly agitated note from Aunt + Cecilia. "It doesn't suit me, dearest, and after all the trouble you have + taken!" + </p> + <p> + Knowing Aunt Cecilia, I wrote back, "Did you try it on in bed with your + hair down?" + </p> + <p> + She answered by return, "Dearest, I did! It really suits me very well now + that I have tried it on in my right mind. I am going to wear it at the + last little Shrub's christening, this afternoon. It is just in time." + </p> + <p> + When David and Diana were singled out by night for the particular + attention of a burglar, Aunt Cecilia wrote to sympathize and said, "I am + so thankful, dearest, David did not meet the poor, misguided man!" + </p> + <p> + May we all be judged as tenderly! + </p> + <p> + This is a digression, but it perhaps explains Pauline and Pauline's + wedding, and the joy with which all the people in the village entered into + it. + </p> + <p> + The strangest people kept on arriving the morning of the wedding. It was + verily a gathering of the halt, the lame, and the blind—all friends + of Pauline's. Whenever Uncle Jim was particularly overcome, it was sure to + mean that some old soldier, officer or otherwise, had turned up, who had + served with him in some part of the world, long before Pauline was born. + Aunt Cecilia welcomed them all in her inimitable manner, which made each + one feel that he was the one and most particularly honored guest. For all + her apparent absent-mindedness, she knew exactly who belonged to Mrs. + Bunce's department and who not. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Bunce, the old housekeeper, was very busy, every button doing its + duty! A wedding didn't come her way every day. The sisters-in-law, of + course, came with their belongings. + </p> + <p> + Zerlina was distressed at the nature of many of the presents; and wondered + if Pauline would have enough spare rooms to put them in; which showed how + little she knew her. If Pauline had told her that she valued the alabaster + greyhound under a glass case, subscribed for by the old men and women in + the village, over seventy, Zerlina wouldn't have believed her any more + than did old Mrs. Barker when Diana told her Sara was named after a dear + old housemaid and not after the Duchess. + </p> + <p> + Betty and Hugh were among the bridesmaids and pages, and Hugh shocked + Betty very much by saying, in the middle of the service "When may I play + with my girl?" + </p> + <p> + Some one described Uncle Jim as looking like one of the Apostles, and Aunt + Cecilia certainly looked like a saint. Ought I, by the way, to bracket an + apostle and a saint? But nothing was so wonderful or so beautiful as the + expression on Pauline's face. I am sure that, as she walked up the aisle, + she was oblivious to everything and every one except God and Dick. + </p> + <p> + It is assuredly a great responsibility for a man to accept such a love as + hers. + </p> + <p> + A wedding is nearly always a choky thing, and Pauline's was particularly + so. As she left the church, she stopped in the churchyard to speak to her + friends, and for one old woman she waited to let her feel her dress. + </p> + <p> + "Is it my jewels you want to feel, Anne?" she said, as the old hands + tremblingly passed over her bodice. "I have on no jewels." + </p> + <p> + The old hands went up to Pauline's face and gently and reverently touched + it. "God bless her happy face," said the old woman. "I had to know for + sure." Pauline kissed the old fingers gently. We all knew for sure, but + then we had eyes to see. + </p> + <p> + Pauline went away in the afternoon, and the villagers danced far into the + evening, and there was revelry in the park by night. + </p> + <p> + After Pauline and Dick had gone away, I walked across the park to the post + office to send a telegram to Julia, who was kept at home by illness, to + her very great disappointment. There is nothing she adores like a wedding. + I was glad to escape for a few minutes. I wrote out the telegram and + handed it to the postmaster, who, reading it, said, I'm glad it went off + so well. "There's nobody what wouldn't wish her well." Then he counted the + words. "Julia Westby?" he said. "Um-um-um-um. Eleven, miss. You might as + well give her the title." I laughed and added, or rather he added, the + "Lady." + </p> + <p> + Julia is not a sister-in-law really, but she likes to call herself so, + since she might have been one, having been for one ecstatic week in + Archie's life engaged to him. She is wont now to lay her hand on his head, + in public, for choice, and say, "He was almost mine." She says she still + loves him as a friend. "But, you see, dearest Betty, there is everything + that is delightful in the relationship of a poor friend, but a poor + husband! That is another thing. To begin with, it is not fair to a man + that he should have to deny his wife things. It is bad for his character + and, of course, for hers. He becomes a saint at her expense, whereas the + expense should always be borne by the husband. William is so delightfully + rich, but he is not an Archie, of course! But then husbands are not + supposed to be." + </p> + <p> + Hugh, going to bed, wondered if the angels would bring Pauline a baby that + night, a darling little baby! + </p> + <p> + And Betty said, in her great wisdom, "Oh, darling, I think it would be too + exciting for Pauline to be married and have a baby all on one day." + </p> + <p> + Then Hugh suggested the glorious possibility of the angels bringing it to + Fullfield, whereupon Hyacinth said that was not at all likely, because she + knew that when a baby was born, it was usual for one or other parent to be + present! + </p> + <p> + We stayed for a few days at Fullfield, and Hugh and Betty enjoyed + themselves immensely. Hyacinth said it was just like staying for a week at + the pantomime, and Betty said, with a deep sigh, that it was much nicer, a + billion times nicer. + </p> + <p> + Pauline's brother Jack most nearly resembled any one in a pantomime, and + the children loved him. One day at lunch he went to the side-table to + fetch a potato in its jacket, and coming back he laid it on Uncle Jim's + slightly bald head and said, "Am I feverish, father?" + </p> + <p> + "It Good Heavens, my boy!" exclaimed Uncle Jim; "you must be in an awful + state!" + </p> + <p> + After that, the eyes of the children never left Jack during any meal at + which they happened to be present, and whenever he got up to fetch + anything, Hugh began dancing with joy and saying in a loud whisper, "He's + going to do something funny"; and if Jack remained silent, Hugh was sure + he was thinking of something to do. It is difficult to live up to those + expectations. + </p> + <p> + One morning at breakfast Hugh said suddenly, "Aunt Woggles, have you got a + mole?" + </p> + <p> + I said I believed I had. + </p> + <p> + "It's frightfully lucky. I have," he said, pulling up his sleeve and + disclosing a mole on his very white little arm. "It is lucky." + </p> + <p> + "I've got one too," said Betty, diving under the table. + </p> + <p> + "All right, darling," I said, "you needn't show us." + </p> + <p> + "I couldn't, Aunt Woggles, at least not now. If you come to see me in my + bath, you can; but it's truthfully there." + </p> + <p> + I said I was sure it was. + </p> + <p> + "I 'spect she's sitting on it," said Hugh in aloud whisper; "that's why." + </p> + <p> + "We asked Mr. Hardy once if he had a mole, and he got redder and redder;" + we asked him at lunch, said Betty. + </p> + <p> + "He got redder and redder," said Hugh, by way of corroboration. "Mother + said moles weren't good things to ask people about, so we asked him if he + had any little children, and he hadn't; then we didn't know what to ask." + </p> + <p> + "We only asked about moles because we wanted him to be lucky," said + kindhearted Betty. + </p> + <p> + "Last time I went to the Zoo," said Hugh, "I gave all my bread to one + animal. He was a lucky animal, wasn't he?" + </p> + <p> + "It was the hippopotamus, I think; he was lucky." + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps he has a mole, Hugh," I said. + </p> + <p> + We'll look, said Hugh. "I 'spect he has." + </p> + <p> + The proverbial difficulty of finding a needle in a haystack seemed child's + play compared to that of finding a mole on a hippopotamus. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0012" id="link2HCH0012"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XII + </h2> + <p> + Another aunt, Anna by name, suggested that as I was at Fullfield, I might + take the opportunity of paying her a visit at Manwell, why because I was + at Fullfield I don't know, as they are miles apart, counties apart I + should say. However, I went because it is difficult to refuse Aunt Anna + anything; she accepts no excuses. It is as well for any one who wishes to + see Aunt Anna at her best to see her in her own home. She, according to + Aunt Cecilia, does best in her own soil. Moreover, she is nothing without + her family, it so thoroughly justifies her existence. + </p> + <p> + Aunt Anna is one of those jewels who owe a certain amount to their + setting. + </p> + <p> + Her husband calls her a jewel, and as such she is known by the family in + general which recalls to my mind an interesting biennial custom which was + said to hold good in the Manwell family. Every time a lesser jewel made + its appearance, the mother-jewel was presented with a diamond and ruby + ornament of varying magnificence, with the words "The price of a good + woman is far above rubies" conveniently inscribed thereon. + </p> + <p> + Aunt Anna took it all very seriously, from the tiara downward, and if + diamond and ruby shoe-buckles had not involved twins, I think she would + have hankered after those, but even as it was, she came in time to possess + a very remarkable collection of rubies and diamonds. + </p> + <p> + Aunt Anna is very prosperous, very happy, very rich, and very contented. + </p> + <p> + She prides herself on none of these things, but only on the unprejudiced + state of her maternal mind. + </p> + <p> + "Of course," she says, "I cannot help seeing that my children are more + beautiful than other people's. It would be ludicrously affected and + hypocritical of me if I pretended otherwise. If they were plain, I should + be the first to see it, and—" + </p> + <p> + I think she was going to add "say it," but she stopped short; she + invariably does at a deliberate lie, because she is a very truthful woman, + and thinks a lie is a wicked thing unless socially a necessity. + </p> + <p> + I arrived at tea-time which is a thing Aunt Anna expects of her guests. I + noticed that she looked a little less contented than usual, and that she + even gave way to a gesture of impatience when Mrs. Blankley asked for a + fifth cup of tea. Mrs. Blankley is a great advocate of temperance. In + connection with which, Aunt Anna once said that she thought there should + be temperance in all things beginning with "t." Which vague saying, as + illustrative of her wit, was treasured up by her indulgent husband and + quoted "As Anna so funnily said." + </p> + <p> + Now as Aunt Anna, we know, never says witty things unless under strong + provocation, she rarely says them, for she is of an amazingly even + temperament. She often says she considers cleverness a very dangerous + gift. It is not one I seek for either myself or my children. It is so easy + to say clever, unkind things. Every one can do it if they choose; the + difficulty is not to say them. + </p> + <p> + It is evident that Aunt Anna chooses the harder part. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Blankley, having disposed of the fifth cup of tea, expressed a desire + to see the pigs. Aunt Anna never goes to see pigs, nor demands that + sacrifice of Londoners, for which act of consideration I honor her; not + but what I am fond of pigs, black ones and small. Aunt Anna knows that + there are such things because of the continual presence of bacon in her + midst. She also knows that pigs are things that get prizes. She still + clings to her childish belief that streaky bacon comes from feeding the + pigs one day and not the next. + </p> + <p> + Every one, like Mrs. Blankley, had a thirst to see something, and I was + left alone with Aunt Anna, to discuss Pauline's wedding. As a rule, there + is nothing Aunt Anna would sooner discuss, but I saw that something was + worrying her, and I guessed that the unburdening of a rarely perturbed + mind was imminent. It was. + </p> + <p> + "Is anything wrong?—" I asked. "Any of the children worrying you?" + She nodded and pointed to a diamond and ruby brooch and said plaintively. + "This one, Claud, just a little worrying." + </p> + <p> + I tried to hide a smile. "Oh, that's Claud, is it? I get a little mixed." + </p> + <p> + "I dare say, dear," she said; "but it's quite simple, really. Jack was the + tiara, and so on." + </p> + <p> + "What has Claud been doing?" I asked. "Oh, nothing he can help, I feel + sure. He has a temperament, I believe. What it is I don't quite know; + people grow out of it, I am told. It's not so much doing things as saying + them; and his friends are odd, decidedly odd. They wear curious ties, have + disheveled hair, and are distinctly décolleté. I don't know if I should + apply the word to men, but they are." + </p> + <p> + I suggested that these little indiscretions on the part of extreme youth + need not worry her. But she said they did, in a way, because her other + children were so very plain sailing. They never took any one by surprise. + She then told me of poor Lady Adelaide, a near neighbor, at least as near + as it was possible for any neighbor to be, considering the extent of the + Manwell property, one of whose boys had written a book without her + knowledge, and the other had married under exactly similar conditions. + </p> + <p> + I said I thought the writing of a book a minor offense compared to the + matrimonial venture. She agreed, but said they were both upsetting because + unexpected. As an instance, did I remember when Lady Victoria was butted + by her pet lamb, when she was showing the Prince her white farm? It wasn't + the upsetting she minded, so much as the unexpectedness of it, because the + lamb had a blue ribbon round its neck! + </p> + <p> + "A black sheep in a white farm, Aunt Anna!" I said. + </p> + <p> + "No, dear, it was white, and it was a lamb." + </p> + <p> + But to return to Lady Adelaide. Now that Aunt Anna came to think of it, + the marriage was the better of the two shocks, because financially it was + a success, and the book wasn't. "Books aren't," She added. + </p> + <p> + "Is that all Claud does, or, rather, his friends do?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + "No, it's not," she said. "Ever since he went to Oxford he has changed + completely. He has got into his head that we are a self-centered family, + and that I am a prejudiced mother, when it is the only thing I am not. I + may be everything else for all I know, I may be daily breaking all the + commandments without knowing it! But a prejudiced mother I am not! Before + he went to Oxford he came into my bedroom one morning, and he said that he + thought Maud and Edith were quite the most beautiful girls he had ever + seen, and he had sat behind some famous beauty in a theatre a few nights + before. I didn't ask him! I was suffering from neuralgia at the time, I + remember, and he might, under the circumstances, have agreed just to + soothe me, but he said it of his own accord, and he wondered if they would + go up to London and walk down Bond Street with him. I said it should be + arranged. They walked with him three times up and down Bond Street; he + only asked for once. I am only telling you this because you will then + realize what this change in him means to me. He came back from Oxford + after one term and he said nothing about the girls' beauty, although I + thought them improved. I didn't say so; I made some little joke about Bond + Street, which he pretended not to understand. So I just said I thought the + girls improved, or rather were looking very pretty, and he said, 'My dear + mother, we must learn to look at these things from the point of view of + the outsider. Place yourself in the position of a man of the world seeing + them for the first time.'" + </p> + <p> + To begin with, Aunt Anna proceeded to explain, she could never place + herself in a position to which she was not born; she did not think it + right. She said that Claud then urged her to look at it from stranger's + point of view, since that of man of the world was impracticable, which + Aunt Anna said was a thing no mother could do, nor would she wish to do + it. She left such things to actresses. Talking of actresses reminded her + that Claud had even found fault with Maud as an actress, when every one + knew how very excellent she was. Several newspapers, the Southshire Herald + in particular, had alluded to her as one of our most talented actresses. + </p> + <p> + "We had a professional down to coach her, and he said there was really + nothing he could teach her. He was a very nice man, and had all his meals + with us. I went," continued Aunt Anna, "to see the great French actress + who was in London in the spring, you remember? And if ever a mother went + with an unprejudiced mind, I was that mother. I was prepared to think she + was better than Maud, and if she had been, I should have been the first to + say it. But she was not, at least not to my mind! Maud is always a lady, + even on the stage, and that woman was not." + </p> + <p> + I ventured to suggest that she was perhaps not supposed to be a lady in + the part. Aunt Anna said, "Perhaps not, but that does not matter; Maud + would be a lady under any circumstances, whatever character she + impersonated, laundress or lady. Claud says she will never act till she + learns to forget herself I trust one of my daughters will never do that!" + </p> + <p> + I strove to pacify Aunt Anna, but her tender heart was wounded and she was + hard to comfort. + </p> + <p> + "Claud must admire Edith's violin playing," I ventured. + </p> + <p> + Aunt Anna shook her head. "He begged me to eliminate from my mind all + preconceived notions and to judge her from the unprejudiced point of view. + I told Edith to put away her violin. Claud says I must call it a fiddle. I + could not bear to see it. I never thought there could be such dissension + in our united family." + </p> + <p> + By way of distraction, I asked if the young man at tea with the disheveled + hair and startlingly unorthodox tie was a friend of Claud's, and she said, + "His greatest!" + </p> + <p> + At that moment Claud came into the room, wearing a less earnest expression + than usual and Aunt Anna held out a hand of forgiveness. He warmly clasped + it. "Mother," he said, "Windlehurst has just told me, in strict + confidence, that he considers Maud's the most beautiful face he has ever + seen, except, of course, in the best period of ancient Greek art. I knew + you wanted to hear the unprejudiced opinion of an unbiased outsider." + </p> + <p> + I wondered how Windlehurst would like the description! Claud went on: "I + think Edith every bit as good looking, more so in some ways. Now that I + have heard an unprejudiced opinion I can express mine, which you have + known all along. You see, mother, people say we are a self-centered and + egotistical family. I have proved that we are not." + </p> + <p> + "Dear, dearest Claud, your tie is disarranged," murmured his mother, + struggling to reduce it to the dimensions of the orthodox sailor knot. "Do + wait and listen to all dear Betty is telling me of dearest Pauline's + wedding. So interesting. Go on, dear Betty; where had we got to?" + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0013" id="link2HCH0013"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XIII + </h2> + <p> + My correspondence regarding my summer plans was varied, and the + suggestions contained therein numerous. Here are some of the letters. + </p> + <p> + Diana's: + </p> + <p> + Darling Betty,—What do you say to the Cornish coast, coves, cream, + and children! As much of the coast and cream, and as little of the + children as you like! David has a bachelor shoot in view, and I think sea + air would do the children good. I do not propose leaving any nurses at + home, or sending them away; they shall all come and run after Sara should + she get into the sea, when she ought not to, but you and I will have the + joy of watching her. She really is delicious paddling. Think of the rocks, + and the coves, and the sands, and not of the wind or of other + disadvantages that may strike you. As much as you like you shall read, and + whatever you like, so long as you will, at intervals, look up and smile at + me. I shall love to feel you are there, so do come, not as a professional + aunt, as you sometimes describe yourself, but as your own dear self. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Your loving + DIANA +</pre> + <p> + Zerlina's: + </p> + <p> + Dearest Betty,—I know how difficult you are to find disengaged, but + do try and come to Cornwall with us. The children would love to have you, + and I know you enjoy tearing about after them on the sands! Nurse must go + home for her holiday, and the nursery-maid is so useless. But you shall do + exactly as you like. I know you wouldn't mind if I left you for a day or + two. Jim is so keen that I should go to the Cross-Patches, being in the + neighborhood, more or less. Do write and say you will come. I do get such + headaches at the seaside, and I look so awful when I get sun burnt, but it + suits you. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Yours, + ZERLINA +</pre> + <p> + Julia's: + </p> + <p> + Betty dear,—You have simply got to come. Diana tells me she is + asking you to Cornwall, and that, I know, you will not refuse, because for + some extraordinary reason you can't refuse her anything. Oh! for Diana's + charm for one day a week! What wouldn't I do! That woman wastes her life; + I've always said so. But go to Cornwall, blazes, or anywhere you like, but + come here on your way back—everywhere is on the way back from + Cornwall. Because the house is to be full of William's friends and he is + never perfectly at ease unless there is a bishop among them, and a bishop + drives me to desperate deeds of wickedness. They always like me! Betty, in + your capacity of professional something, think of me. I want helping more + than any one. I don't ask you to give up Cornwall, but afterwards, don't + disappoint your + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + JULIA. +</pre> + <p> + A girl's: + </p> + <p> + Dear Miss Lisle,—I wonder if you will remember me. I am almost + afraid to hope so. But I met you last summer at the Anstells' + garden-party, and you passed me an ice, vanilla and strawberry mixed! I + have never forgotten it. It was not so much passing the ice, lots of + people did that, as the way you did it. I was very unhappy at the time, + and there was something in your expression as you did it that made me feel + you were unlike any one else I had ever met. I wore green muslin! + </p> + <p> + I am wondering whether you would come to Cornwall, to stay with us. The + coast is lovely, and in its wildness one can forget one's self, and that, + I think, is what one most wants to do! I know what a help you would be to + me, if you could come, and I will tell you all my troubles when we have + been together some days. One gets to know people by the sea very quickly, + I think, don't you? Although I feel as if I had known you all my life. My + hat was brown, mushroom. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Your sincere friend and admirer, + VERONICA VOKINS +</pre> + <p> + P. S.—I forgot to say that my father and mother will be delighted to + see you. I have ten brothers and sisters, but there is miles of coast, and + I and my five sisters have a sitting-room all to ourselves. Father says + "he" must pass his examinations first. I tell you this because you will + then understand. "He" won the obstacle race at the Anstells', but he was + in a sack, so I expect you did not notice him! + </p> + <p> + The big, sad Thomas: + </p> + <p> + Dear Miss Lisle,—For months, in fact since the day you restored the + screw to my small son, I have been trying to write to you on a subject + that may or may not be distasteful to you. That it will come as a surprise + I feel sure. My love for my boy must be my excuse; nothing else could + justify my writing to any woman as I am about to write to you. Will you be + a mother to my Thomas? It would not be honest on my part to pretend that I + can offer you in myself anything but a very sad and lonely man, the best + of me having gone. No one could ever,—or shall ever, take the place + of my beloved wife in my heart, the remains of which I offer unreservedly + to you. For the sake of my boy I am prepared to sacrifice myself, and I + can at least promise you that you shall never regret by any action of mine + whatever sacrifice it may entail on your part. I shall not insult you by + the mention of money matters or any such things, for I feel sure that the + fact of my being a rich man will make no difference in your decision as to + whether or no you will be a mother to my Thomas. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Yours very sincerely, + THOMAS GLYNNE +</pre> + <p> + Lady Glenburnie's: + </p> + <p> + Dear Betty,—If you should be in the North,—and why not make a + certainty of it?—don't forget us! A line to say when and where to + meet you is all we want, and you will find the warmest of welcomes + awaiting you, and your own favorite room in the turret. Don't mention + nephews or nieces in answering this. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Your affectionate + MARY GLENBURNIE +</pre> + <p> + Brother Archie's: + </p> + <p> + Angel Betty,—Help a brother in distress. I'm desperately in love. + First of all,—how long do you suppose it will last? Forever, I + think. But I can't live at this pitch for long, and my summer plans depend + on it. She is lovely. Makes me long to sing hymns on Sunday evenings; you + know the kind of thing—feeling, I should say! She's like Pauline, + only more beautiful, I think. I will tell you all about it when we meet. + There are complications. My first trouble is this: I have taken a small + place in Skye with Coningsby. Now it is perfectly impossible to live with + Con when one is in love; of all the unsympathetic, dried-up old crabs, he + is the worst. Now the question is, can I buy him out? Have you to stay + instead, ask my beloved too, save her from drowning, which in Skye should + be easy, and then live happily ever afterwards. I am consumed with a + desire to save her from something. It is a symptom, I know, but, Betty + dear, it is serious this time. Her eyes look as if they saw into another + world, which makes me feel hopeless! I don't mind you hinting something + about it to Julia, if you should see her. You needn't enter into details! + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Yours ever, + ARCHIE +</pre> + <p> + Of all the letters, Diana's was the most tempting. + </p> + <p> + Zerlina's had no power to lure. Dear Archie's little—he had so often + written the same—sort of letters. Veronica Vokins' less, and the + sad, big Thomas! What a curious letter! I hardly knew whether to laugh or + to cry. How careful he was to point out the sacrifice on his part entailed + in his offer. It was hardly flattering to me, except that he refrained + from mentioning his worldly goods, or the advantages to me accruing from + the bestowal thereof. I had at least looked unworldly when I had visited + the small Thomas in bed; of that I was glad. And, after all, why should I + mind? It is something, perhaps, to be asked to be a mother to a small fat + Thomas. I wrote, refusing as kindly as I could. I dare say there are women + who would accept the position. Let us hope, if one be found to do so, that + she will not forget the mother part! + </p> + <p> + Dear Lady Glenburnie's letter had something of temptation lurking in it + somewhere. The turret room, commanding its views of purple hills and + sunsets, and the warmest of welcomes! But, again, the most aching of + memories. I could not go there again under circumstances so different. If + ever it could be again as it had been, how I should love it! So that + invitation I declined, saying I should be in Cornwall with Diana. Lady + Glenburnie would forgive the mention of Diana, I knew, and of Betty, Hugh, + and Sara I said nothing, as she had stipulated. + </p> + <p> + Then I wrote to Julia saying I would go to her after I had been to + Cornwall. She might need consoling by then, should Archie have proved + himself recovered of the wounds inflicted by her. This I did not tell her. + If I waited a little, there might be nothing to tell. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0014" id="link2HCH0014"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XIV + </h2> + <p> + So to Cornwall I went, and found the sands and the coves and the rocks and + the sea, just as Diana had said, nor was I disappointed in the back view + of Sara with her petticoats tucked into her bathing-drawers. It was + divine. She was delicious, too, paddling, and there were enough nurses to + prevent her doing more, if necessary, and Diana and I could, if we liked, + lie on the sands and watch the children. But it so happens that I love + building castles and making puddings, and, curiously enough, Diana does + too, and we were children once more with perhaps less hinge in our backs + than formerly, but still we enjoyed ourselves immensely. + </p> + <p> + Betty, the first day, full of faith, tried to walk on the sea, and was + pulled out very wet and disappointed, and her faith a little shaken, + perhaps, for the moment. Hugh told her she didn't have faith hard enough. + "You must go like this," and he held his breath, threatening to become + purple in the face. + </p> + <p> + "Could you now?" said Betty wistfully, when Hugh was at his reddest. + </p> + <p> + "No!" he said, "because I burst. Aunt Woggles looked at me when I was just + believing very hard." + </p> + <p> + Betty forgot that trouble in her infinite delight at discovering where + Heaven really was. She knew if she could just row out to the silver + pathway across the sea, it would lead straight to Heaven. "I know it + would," she said. + </p> + <p> + Hugh objected because Heaven was in the sky, that he knew! Betty said how + did he know? + </p> + <p> + "Well, look," said Hugh; "you can see it's all bright and blue and + shining, and angels fly, and you can't fly on the sea, so that shows." + </p> + <p> + Betty wasn't sure of that because of flying-fish; she'd seen them in a + book where "F" was for flying-fish, so she knew. But Hugh knew that angels + weren't fish, because fish is good to eat and angels aren't. I was glad + the culinary knowledge of Hugh and Betty didn't extend to "angels on + horseback," or where should we have been in the abysses of argument? + </p> + <p> + We made expeditions which, as expeditions, were not a success. Sara + objected to leaving the object of her passing affections, a starfish + perhaps, and Hugh and Betty also always found treasures of their very own, + which they must just watch for just a little time, in case they did + something exciting. These things hinder! But still we did sometimes reach + another cove, and one day, in a very secluded one, I caught sight of a + pair of lovers. One can tell the most discreet of them at a glance, and + more than a glance I should never have given this pair had not the girl, + so much of her as I could see under a brown mushroom hat, been very + pretty. Her dress too was green muslin, which was in itself compelling, + and the boy with her, I felt sure, had passed no examinations. And yet + they were deliriously happy, that I could tell. So the father wasn't so + cruel, after all, and I doubted whether I should have been the comfort to + Veronica that she had anticipated. In fact, I could easily imagine how + greatly in the way I should have been. Poor professional friend! That I + had at least been spared from becoming. + </p> + <p> + Veronica, no less than Betty, had discovered where Heaven really was, and + the boy had a clearer definition of angels than Hugh. Hugh was right so + far—they were in no way related to, or bore any resemblance to, + fish. They were angels pure and simple, and the most beautiful of them, + the most enchanting of them, wore a green muslin and a brown mushroom hat. + </p> + <p> + If I had been that young man, I should have objected to the dimensions of + that hat, but he didn't, I suppose. Not having passed his examinations may + have made a difference. He would later on, no doubt. It is a pity, + perhaps, that men have to pass examinations; it robs them of much of their + simplicity. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0015" id="link2HCH0015"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XV + </h2> + <p> + Zerlina discovered, to her immense surprise, that she was near enough to + bring all her party to play with ours, and it was arranged that she should + do so on the first fine day. + </p> + <p> + It so happened that all the days were fine, so every day Diana and I + watched for the small cloud in the distance that should herald their + approach, and one day it appeared, no bigger than a man's hand. When it + came nearer it was considerably bigger, and it finally assumed the + dimensions of Zerlina, Hyacinth, the twins, Teddy, and a small + nursery-maid. Betty was immensely delighted with the twins, her one + ambition in life being to have twins of her own. Failing that, and every + birthday only brought fresh disappointment in its wake, the care of + somebody else's was the next best thing. + </p> + <p> + They really were delicious people, so round and so solemn. Hugh, for the + moment, was engrossed in Teddy; Teddy having, among other things, a knife + with "things in it," most of which he was mercifully unable to open. It + was the certainty of being able to do so on the part of Hugh, which made + him so deliriously busy. Sara was out of it, having no one as yet to play + with, and she was proud and disdainful in consequence. I knew that Betty + would shortly have one twin to spare, perhaps two, but this Sara could not + guess, knowing nothing of twins. + </p> + <p> + "Now, Sara," I said, "we will build a castle all for our very own selves." + </p> + <p> + "Our velly, velly own selves," said Sara, hugging her spade with ecstasy. + "A velly, velly big castle." + </p> + <p> + "Very, very big," I replied. + </p> + <p> + "A bemormous castle?" + </p> + <p> + "An enormous castle," I said, starting to dig the foundations. + </p> + <p> + "Dat's a velly, velly vitty hole," said Sara. + </p> + <p> + "It's going to be a castle, darling." + </p> + <p> + "For Yaya to live in?" + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps." + </p> + <p> + "And Nannie and Aunt Woggles and Hugh and Betty and muvver?" + </p> + <p> + Sara danced with joy at the prospect, and Sara dancing in bathing-drawers + was distracting. I dug industriously, however, and it was very hot. Sara + looked on, occasionally watering the castle and me too. + </p> + <p> + "Not too much water, darling," I said, "because it makes Aunt Woggles so + wet." + </p> + <p> + Sara subsided for the moment. "Is it a velly big castle?" she asked every + now and then with evident anxiety. + </p> + <p> + "It's going to be, darling," I said. + </p> + <p> + "It's a velly, velly small castle now," she said sadly. + </p> + <p> + I dug harder and harder, and it seemed to me that the castle was becoming + quite a respectable size, but Sara's interest had flagged. + </p> + <p> + "Aunt Woggles," she said. + </p> + <p> + "Yes, darling," I answered. + </p> + <p> + "Sall we dig a velly, velly deep hole, velly, velly deep, for all ve + cwabs, and all ve vitty fish, and Nannie and Aunt Woggles?" + </p> + <p> + "A very big hole," I said; "but look at the lovely castle!" + </p> + <p> + "Yaya doesn't yike 'ollid ole castles," she said. + </p> + <p> + I began to dig a hole. One does these things, I find, for the Saras of + this world, and Sara was for the moment enchanted, but it didn't last + long. + </p> + <p> + "Yaya's so sirsty," she said. "Yaya wants a 'ponge cake." + </p> + <p> + "I think you would rather have some milk, darling," I said. + </p> + <p> + "Yaya's so sirsty," she said in a very sad voice. "Yaya would yike a + 'ponge cake!" + </p> + <p> + "Very well, darling; but don't you want to dig any more?" + </p> + <p> + "No," she said. "Yaya doesn't yike digging." + </p> + <p> + Now was that fair?—digging, indeed, when it was the poor aunt who + had been digging all the time. When I told Diana of this she shook her + head and said,— "Betty, it frightens me. Do you think Sara will grow + up that sort of woman?" + </p> + <p> + "What sort of woman?" + </p> + <p> + "Like Polly in Charles Dudley Warner's 'My Summer in a Garden.' You + remember when the husband says, 'Polly, do you know who planted that + squash, or those squashes?'" + </p> + <p> + "'James, I suppose.' + </p> + <p> + "'Well, yes, perhaps James did plant them, to a certain extent. But who + hoed them?' + </p> + <p> + "'We did.'" + </p> + <p> + "Well, it seems to me," I said, "that she was rather a delightful person." + </p> + <p> + "In a book, absolutely delightful. I am only thinking of Sara's husband, + poor man! You see Polly's husband was an American, and that makes all the + difference. You remember I told you of a man I met who in decorating his + house wanted to have red walls as a background to his beautiful pictures, + and his wife wanted to have green. I asked him what he did, and he said he + made a compromise. I said how clever of him, how did he do it? and he + said, 'We had green!' You see, Betty, what an American husband means!" + </p> + <p> + "Well, to return to Sara's, you need not worry. I think he will, in all + probability, be in such raptures over the possession of anything so + delicious as Sara promises to be, that he will overlook these little + pluralities on her part." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, Betty, of course; but does that sort of thing last?" + </p> + <p> + "You ought to know, to a certain extent." + </p> + <p> + "Ah! but then David is such a dear." + </p> + <p> + "I think it is quite likely that Sara will find a dear too." + </p> + <p> + "I hope so, oh! how I hope so!" said Diana. "I often wonder what it must + be to find you have given your daughter to some one who is unkind to her. + I can hardly imagine so great a sorrow! I dare not even think of David the + day Betty marries. He says he thinks it must be worse for a father than a + mother." + </p> + <p> + "I wonder," I said. "I think a mother perhaps has a greater belief in the + goodness of men; a woman, a happy woman certainly, has so little knowledge + of men, other than her own." + </p> + <p> + "Yes," said Diana, "a good father and a good husband give one a very deep + rooted faith and belief in the goodness of mankind generally. How we are + prosing, Betty!" + </p> + <p> + Zerlina meanwhile sat on a rock, of the hardness of which she complained. + She found fault with our cove, the sun was too hot and the wind was too + strong. But then she had driven ten miles in a wagonette under Teddy and + the twins, so it was no wonder she grumbled a little. + </p> + <p> + "I can't think," she said plaintively, "why my hair doesn't look nice when + it blows about in the wind, and I hate myself sun burnt. I can't bear + seeing my nose wherever I look. You and Betty are the stuff martyrs are + made of. It would be comparatively easy to walk to the stake if you had + the right amount of hair hanging down behind; without it, no amount of + religious conviction would avail. Oh dear, I used to have such lots, + before I had measles! I hardly knew what to do with it!" + </p> + <p> + "That's rather what we find with Betty's," said Diana; "we plait it up as + tight as we can, don't we, darling?" she said, re-tying the ribbon which + secured Betty's very thick pigtail. + </p> + <p> + "I had twice as much as Betty, at her age, I'm sure," said Zerlina, + forgetting a photograph which stands on Jim's dressing-table, of a small + fat girl with very little hair and that rather scraggy. But what does it + matter? These are the sort of traditions women cling to. + </p> + <p> + Someone suggested building a steamship in the sand, grown-ups, children, + and all, and Hugh was told to go and make a second-class berth. He retired + to a short distance, and no sound coming from his direction, we looked + round and saw him in ecstatic raptures, rocking himself backward and + forward. + </p> + <p> + "What are you doing, Hugh?" we said. + </p> + <p> + "Well," said Hugh, "I was told to make a second-class berth. I suppose + that means twins, and I 'm nursing them." + </p> + <p> + Zerlina took it quite well, and was easily persuaded that there was no + insult intended to her twins in particular. + </p> + <p> + A few minutes later Sara appeared, triumphant, having apparently found a + small child to play with. + </p> + <p> + "Who is your little friend, Sara?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + She shook her head. She didn't know, but he was delicious to play with for + all that, and she bore him off in triumph. + </p> + <p> + He was not long unsought, for a young girl came anxiously towards us and + said, "Have you seen a little boy?" + </p> + <p> + It reminded me a little of the story, the other way round, of a lost boy + who asked a man, "Please, sir, have you seen a man without a little boy, + because if you have, I'm the little boy." + </p> + <p> + She looked as anxious and as distraught as that little boy must have + looked, I am sure. + </p> + <p> + "I think," said Diana, "you will find him behind that rock.—Sara," + called Diana, "bring the little boy here." + </p> + <p> + A small portion of Sara's person appeared round the rock:—"We're + velly busy," she said. + </p> + <p> + So rapidly do women make friendships! + </p> + <p> + "He's quite safe," said Diana; "your little brother, I suppose?" + </p> + <p> + The girl blushed. "No, I'm his mother," she said. + </p> + <p> + She looked so young and so pretty, and her hair must have moved Zerlina to + tears, it was so beautiful, and grew so prettily on her forehead. But she + looked too young to be searching for lost babies all by herself. + </p> + <p> + "How old is he?" asked Diana. + </p> + <p> + "He's three," she said; then added, "his father never saw him; he went to + the war soon after we were married, and he was killed. Baby is just like + him," and she unfastened a miniature she wore on a chain round her neck + and handed it to Diana. + </p> + <p> + I am sure Diana saw nothing but a blur, but she managed to say, "You must + be glad! Come and see my little girl, she is very much the same age." + </p> + <p> + "What an extraordinarily communicative person!" said Zerlina as they + walked off. "Just imagine telling strangers the whole of your history like + that. I wonder if her husband left her well off." + </p> + <p> + "Can't you see he did?" I said. + </p> + <p> + "No; I don't think she is very well dressed, but you never can tell with + that picturesque style of dressing. It may or may not be expensive; even + that old embroidery only means probably that she had a grandmother. It is + a terrible thing for a girl of that age to be left with a boy to bring up. + I know, Betty, just what you are thinking—cold, heartless, mercenary + Zerlina! But I'm practical." + </p> + <p> + When Diana came back, I could see in her face that she knew all about the + poor little widow. It is wonderful what a comfort it seems to be even to + strangers to confide in Diana. For one thing I feel sure they know that + she won't tell, and that makes all the difference. It is a relief + sometimes to tell some one, although some things can be better borne when + nobody knows. But I imagine there was little bitterness in the sorrow of + this girl widow. She too had learned something from Diana, for she turned + to me and said, "Are you a relation of Captain Lisle?" + </p> + <p> + "If his name is Archie," I said, "I am his sister." + </p> + <p> + "I've met him," and she blushed. + </p> + <p> + This, then, was the girl Archie longed to save from drowning, and who + inspired him with a desire to sing hymns on Sunday evenings. Dear old + Archie! I could imagine his tender, susceptible heart going out to the + little widow. But I said to myself, "It's no good, Archie dear, not yet at + all events, not while she looks as she does over the sea," for I was sure + it was far away in a grave on the lonely veldt that her heart was buried. + </p> + <p> + "He is so devoted to children, isn't he?" she said. "He was so good to my + baby. I find that men are so extraordinarily fond of children. I am afraid + they will spoil him." + </p> + <p> + Whereupon the baby burst into a long dissertation on a present he had + lately received. It sounded something like this:— + </p> + <p> + "Mormousman give boy a yockerile an a epelan, anye yockerile yanan yan all + over de jurnmer yunder de hoha an eberelyyare." + </p> + <p> + He then proceeded to turn bead over heels, or try to, and was sharply + rebuked by Sara, who rearranged his garments with stern severity, and then + was about to show him the right method, when she in turn was stopped by + Nannie. + </p> + <p> + One of the twins arrived at this moment to say that Hugh had called him + bad names. Betty the peacemaker explained that Hugh had called him a + wicket keeper, and the twin had thought he had called him a wicked keeper. + So that was all right. We suggested that, in any case, the twin wasn't the + best person to be wicket keeper. But he went in twice running to make up, + and Hugh gave him several puddings as well. "Puddings," the nursery-maid + explained, were first balls, and didn't count. + </p> + <p> + "Betty," I said, "you've got a hole in your stocking!" + </p> + <p> + "I hope it 's not a Jacob's ladder," said Betty. + </p> + <p> + "Hush, darling, hush," said Hugh; "you know we mustn't be irreverent!" + </p> + <p> + It was during an interval when we rested and drank milk and ate cake, + those of us who would or could, that we discovered that the little widow + was staying with a very old friend of my father's and mother's. + </p> + <p> + "And where does Lady Mary live?" asked Diana. + </p> + <p> + "Just over there. Do come and see her; she will be so delighted to see you + and to show you the garden, which is quite famous." + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0016" id="link2HCH0016"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XVI + </h2> + <p> + The following day Diana got a delightful letter from Lady Mary asking us + to go to luncheon, or to tea, or to both, or whatever we liked best, so + long as it was at once, and that we stayed a long time, and brought all + the children. She offered to send for us, but going in a donkey-cart was a + stipulation on the part of the children, otherwise they could not or would + not tear themselves away from the sand and all its fascinations. Sara was + particularly offended at having to get out to tea, and more so at not + being allowed to go in her bathing-drawers. But a mushroom hat trimmed + with daisies appeased her, and even at that early age she saw the + incongruity of that hat and those nether garments. They were packed, Hugh, + Betty, Sara, and the nursery-maid, into the donkey-cart. Betty was + supposed to drive, but Hugh and Sara had so large a share in the stage + direction of that donkey, that I wonder we ever arrived. We did. Our + approach was not dignified. The donkey would eat the lawn at the critical + moment, and neither the stern rebukes of Sara, nor the gentle persuasion + of Betty, had any effect; neither, to tell the truth, had the + chastisements of Hugh. Of Diana's efforts and mine it is unnecessary to + speak; they only made us very hot. As to Nannie, she said she would rather + have ten children to deal with. + </p> + <p> + There were horribly tidy and beautifully dressed people walking about on + the lawn, people who had never, I felt sure, been called upon to speak + unkindly to a donkey. It was a little tactless of them, I thought, in view + of our flushed cheeks, to appear so calm and cool, but they were quite + kind, and I noticed that Diana as usual held a little court of her own, + not entirely as the mother of Sara, either. Hugh and Betty too made + friends, and hearing shouts of laughter coming from Hugh's audience, I + went, aunt-like, to see what was happening, and I heard Hugh saying:— + </p> + <p> + "I've got another! What did the skeleton—" + </p> + <p> + "Hugh," I said, "I want you!" + </p> + <p> + "I'm asking riddles, Aunt Woggles." + </p> + <p> + "Yes, but have you seen the tortoise?" + </p> + <p> + The situation was saved. + </p> + <p> + I look back to the rest of that afternoon, and it is all blur and + confusion. I remember the loveliness of the gardens, the peeps of distant + moorland through arches of pink ramblers. I remember how the sun shone and + how beautiful everything was, and above all and through all those confused + memories I hear the quiet, gentle voice of Lady Mary as she talked to me + of things of which I had thought no one knew anything. She asked me, I + remember, if I would like to see the garden, and I loved her for her + graciousness, her affection, and for her love for my mother. I could see + even in the way she looked at me that it was of my mother he was thinking, + and I remember, in answer to her question whether I liked the garden, + saying I thought it was quite beautiful and so peaceful! + </p> + <p> + She said, "That is what I feel, the peace of it all. But you, dear Betty, + are too young to feel that. It is as we grow older that the promise of + peace holds out so much. But to the young, life is before them!" + </p> + <p> + All that, I remember quite clearly, and a little more. I can still see + Lady Mary, so beautiful, so calm, so confident in the peace which the + future held for her. Then all of a sudden came these words, "Betty, I + liked your hero so much; what happened?" + </p> + <p> + It was a too sudden opening of prison doors. I was blinded by the light. I + could say nothing. My secret, I felt, was wrested from me. I had ceased + almost to try to hide it, it seemed so safe. What—could I say? + </p> + <p> + Lady Mary went on: "It is not from curiosity that I ask, but from a very + real and deep interest. Your dear mother used so often to talk of your + future. Her love for you was very wonderful, Betty." + </p> + <p> + I looked away to the purple hills and longed to escape, but she laid her + hand on mine with a gentle pressure. "I liked him so much. His gentle + chivalry appealed to me; it is a thing one does not meet every day. Some + one, I remember, described him as being as hard as nails and full of + sentiment, which was a charming description of a delightful character and + a rare combination. All women, I think, would have their heroes strong, + and the sentiment makes all the difference in life. If it is money, Betty + dear, as I imagine it is, that must come right. It was money?" + </p> + <p> + "His father got into difficulties, no fault of his own, that—and + friends made mischief." + </p> + <p> + "And he is helping his father," continued Lady Mary. "And while he is + doing that, he thinks he has no right to bind a woman." + </p> + <p> + How could I say when I didn't know? "Men make that mistake; they forget + how much easier it is for a woman to wait bound than to be free, not + knowing. They don't distinguish between the woman who wants to get married + and the woman who loves. Remember, Betty, how hard it must be for him. I + am not sure that his is not the harder part." + </p> + <p> + "If he cares," I said. + </p> + <p> + "I am sure he cares," said Lady Mary softly. "There are secrets that are + not mine, Betty, but there is one that is—the money shall come + right. I had been looking out for a hero for some time when I met yours. + This is strictly between ourselves, and you must remember that all my + young people are so ludicrously well off, that an old woman doing as she + likes with her own will do no one any harm. If I had had children, that, + of course, would have made a difference. To me, who have lived the quiet + life I have lately lived, the soldier, the man of action, appeals very + strongly. Much as I love this place, it seems to me that I should love it + still more if it came as quiet after a storm, a haven of rest after the + battle of life." + </p> + <p> + Then she spoke of Diana. "Hers is a wonderful character, and I often think + how beautiful it is that she should follow your dear mother at Hames." + </p> + <p> + "You feel that?" I said. + </p> + <p> + "Very, very strongly, dear. How happy it must have made her to feel that + her grandchildren should have such a mother. I may be wrong, and you will + smile at an old woman's prejudice and think that she is looking back with + prejudiced eyes into that wonderful past which is always so much better + than any present. I am not, but still it seems to me that Diana has + something that all young people have not got nowadays, a reverence for the + old, an admiration for the good, and a pity for the poor and distressed. + These things take you far through life, dear, and, combined with her + wonderful vitality and beauty, make her a power. + </p> + <p> + "Talking of your beautiful mother, it was said years ago that she was the + only woman of whom I had ever been jealous. I am old enough to tell you + these things. It is the privilege of the old to enlist the sympathies of + the young! But it was not true. I had every reason to be jealous, as had + most women I ever saw, but jealousy in connection with anything so perfect + as your mother, I think, was not possible. Her beauty was of the kind + which disarms jealousy. It was beyond comparison or criticism. It seemed + to belong to another world, and yet she was so tender to the sinners, so + understanding, so full of loving kindness. Hers was a beauty of the soul + as well as the body, and that beauty is as remote from the everyday + prettiness as the earth is from the stars. Her expression had something of + the divine in it, as if she had seen God face to face. I see the same look + coming in Diana's face. Old Sir George used to say it would be worth + committing a sin to be forgiven by your mother. He said her look was a + benediction." + </p> + <p> + As I said good-by to Lady Mary, she held my hand and said, "Betty dear, + you will some day forgive an interfering old woman, and in days to come, + when you look to these distant hills, you will remember this day with a + kind thought for your beautiful mother's old friend." + </p> + <p> + "Isn't Lady Mary a darling?" said Diana, as we walked home through the + scented lanes on that most wonderful of summer evenings. "You look as if + you had been seeing visions, Betty, quite dazed like, as Nannie used to + say." + </p> + <p> + "I often see visions," I said. + </p> + <p> + "Have you been crying, Aunt Woggles?" said Hugh. "Were all the peaches + gone when you got back?" + </p> + <p> + Betty slipped her little hand into mine. "You promised to let me walk with + you for a little. Shall we pick honeysuckle, supposing we see any?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, we will, darling." + </p> + <p> + "Supposing you can't reach it," she said. + </p> + <p> + "There is always some within reach." + </p> + <p> + "I suppose grown-ups can always reach things," said Betty. + </p> + <p> + Later, in the quiet darkness of the night, I could picture the garden, the + roses, the distant moor, Lady Mary's beautiful face, but I could not bring + myself to believe that I had really heard those words, "I am sure that he + cares." + </p> + <p> + Surely I had dreamed them, or Lady Mary had, because if they were true, + why had he said nothing? How should he have told her what he could not + tell me? + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0017" id="link2HCH0017"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XVII + </h2> + <p> + Then came that wonderful morning on which I read that Captain Paul + Buchanan was coming home, was expected to arrive that very day. I opened + the paper at breakfast, as usual and my eyes caught the word that at any + time had the power to set my heart thumping and to send the blood rushing + to my head, a word common enough, and which to most people, beyond + relating to a country always interesting, means little—Africa. It is + curious that a day that is to change the whole of one's life should begin + exactly like any other day. Of the most important things we have no + premonition, most of us. + </p> + <p> + That what I longed and prayed for every hour of my life should come to + pass was not wonderful, but that a day on which I was to be called to make + the greatest sacrifice of my life should steal stealthily upon me seems + strange. + </p> + <p> + That morning when I came downstairs, my little house in Chelsea looked + exactly like it always had done. The sun shone as the sun does shine in + the early winter in London, and no more, until after I had read that + paragraph; then, behold a new world was born. Why had my eyes been blind + to the gloriousness of the morning? Why had I thought the day an + ordinarily dull one with just the amount of pale sunshine which is meted + out to those happy people who are wise enough to live within easy reach of + the river? Yes, I know, some people do say that Chelsea is foggy. + </p> + <p> + It depends so much on their lives. No place could be foggy to me that day. + My fear was that Nannie should read the news in my face. I looked away + when she said, "Anything in the paper?" as she had said a hundred times + before. She always came to see me eat my breakfast, so she said, but I + knew it was really to hear the news. I handed her the paper, although I + hated to let the words out of my sight, and she glanced at it. She paused + and walked to the window. Kind Nannie, she was giving me time. She blew + her nose, she was crying, she knew. A double knock at the door brought my + heart to a standstill. Lady Mary was right, he did care. It seemed hours + before the telegram was brought to me. I hardly dared to open it. There is + some happiness too great to bear. I opened it and read:— + </p> + <p> + Sara very ill. Come at once. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + DIANA +</pre> + <p> + "Nannie," I said, "I am going to Hames." + </p> + <p> + "To-day?" she said. She knew it was my day of days. + </p> + <p> + "I must, Nannie. Will you come?" + </p> + <p> + "No; I'll stay here. Poor Mrs. David, whatever will she do?" + </p> + <p> + I could hardly imagine, and I am glad to remember that my sorrow seemed a + small thing compared to hers. + </p> + <p> + It would be impossible for me to describe that journey. The train crept + along. It seemed to stop hours at the station. No one seemed to remember + that Sara was ill. I felt the grip of a cold hand on my heart. Should I + ever arrive? I did at last, and found a groom waiting for me at the + station, with a dogcart. His mouth twitched, and he could hardly control + his voice to tell me that there was no fresh news. The carriages were + wanted for the doctors; did I mind the dogcart? Mind? I could have urged + the horse to a gallop, and yet I dreaded to arrive. + </p> + <p> + It was strange to pass through the quiet, deserted hall, up the stairs, + and to hear no sound. A nurse opened a door and spoke in a whisper. I went + into the room, and not until I saw Diana, so lovely in her grief, did I + realize the agony of her suffering. She put out her hand and silently + pressed mine. I turned away so that she should not see my face. + </p> + <p> + A man, a stranger to me, sat by the bedside, his eyes fixed on the child + lying there. He was the great London doctor, in whom I could see all hope + was centered. There were other doctors and nurses, I believe, but it all + seemed confusion to me now; but poor, broken hearted Nannie I remember. + She stood at a distance. Not a sound was uttered, and I took up my watch + with the others, to watch that precious life ebbing away. The soft + flitting backward and forward of nurses, a word now and then from the + great man who held not only the life of Sara in his hands, but, it seemed + to me, the life of my beautiful Diana, only broke the intense silence. The + night came on and we still watched. + </p> + <p> + The doctor's face became sterner and graver and the little life weaker, or + so it seemed to me. Diana knelt at the side of the bed. She never moved. + </p> + <p> + As the dawn broke, Sara opened her eyes and said, "Nannie." + </p> + <p> + Diana rose and beckoned to Nannie. Nannie hesitated, and Diana, taking her + hand, whispered, "Dear Nannie, I am so glad," and gave up her place. It is + not given to all of us to reach great heights, but Diana at that moment, I + think, reached the divine in human nature. Then came the moment, too + wonderful to think of, when the doctor told Diana that the great danger + was over. + </p> + <p> + Later he said to David, "My boy, you have given your children the greatest + of all blessings in their mother. Thank God for her every moment of your + life. I've seen many mothers and many sick children, but—thank God, + and don't forget it." + </p> + <p> + Dear David, I think most of us thank God oftener than we know and in many + and divers ways, and I am not sure that David does not do it every time he + looks at Diana. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0018" id="link2HCH0018"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XVIII + </h2> + <p> + Sara, having got over the crisis and being on the fair road to recovery,—children + recover quickly,—my heart turned towards home—and a longing to + get back obsessed me. I could think of nothing but home, now that Diana's + immediate need of me was over. She begged me to stay with her. To fail her + at such a moment was a great grief to me, but I could make no further + sacrifice. I must go home. + </p> + <p> + "I must go, David," I urged. + </p> + <p> + "Of course, if you must, you must, Betty, but I should have thought after + all Diana has gone through, you would have stayed with her. You have + always been so much to each other." + </p> + <p> + How he hurt me, as if I wouldn't do anything in the world for Diana; but I + must go home. + </p> + <p> + "David," I said in desperation, "I must go. If I promise to come back + directly, you won't misunderstand my going?" + </p> + <p> + "I'll try to understand, Betty, that you have some very strong reason for + going back." + </p> + <p> + "Thank you, David," I said. + </p> + <p> + "But," he continued, "you must tell Diana yourself." + </p> + <p> + I went to her room, where she was lying down. "Diana, darling," I said, "I + want very much to go home, if only for a day." + </p> + <p> + "Of course, Betty, you must go. But don't look so distressed. I must have + been selfish if I gave you the impression that I would not let you go. It + is only that I love so having you, you are such a rock, and oh! it seems + like some awful and terrible dream we have been through, doesn't it? Sara + asked for her darling bunny today. Think what that means! Darling Betty, I + pray that some great happiness may come to you some day. I begin to + believe that the greatest joys come through the greatest sorrows." + </p> + <p> + "Don't, Diana," I whispered. "I can't bear you to be too kind. I suppose + it's all we've been through, but I feel." + </p> + <p> + "I know, Betty," she whispered. "I lie here too tired to do anything but + thank God. I ache with thankfulness, for you among other blessings. Come + back soon." + </p> + <p> + "What did Diana say?" asked David, who was waiting outside the door. "Did + she understand?" + </p> + <p> + "Understand? Did you ever know a time when Diana didn't understand?" + </p> + <p> + I went. Oh, the joy of setting out towards home! That ridiculously small + house in Chelsea in which were centered all my hopes. Some word might be + there waiting for me. Nannie might have thought nothing of sufficient + importance to forward at such a moment. How I hoped that was it, and that + it might be there, else all my hopes were shattered. + </p> + <p> + I opened the door with my latchkey. I looked. No telegram lay on the + table; that I saw at a glance. Then Nannie appeared. She was crying. + </p> + <p> + "Nannie," I said, "don't cry, she is much better, and is going to get + quite well; only I had to come home." + </p> + <p> + How explain to Nannie that I had left Sara and Diana at such a moment! + </p> + <p> + "Your bat's crooked," said Nannie. + </p> + <p> + "You ridiculous old person," I said, "what does that matter?" Nannie + sniffed. I put my hat straight. "Is that better?" + </p> + <p> + "Yes, it's better, it'll do," she answered, not quite satisfied, + evidently. I wondered why she asked no questions. Why had I come home to + this? No wonder David had been surprised at my leaving Diana! What was the + use? + </p> + <p> + Then Nannie said with a startling suddenness, "Some one is waiting for you + upstairs." + </p> + <p> + "Someone for me, Nannie. What do you mean?" + </p> + <p> + "He's waiting," she said, between laughter and sobs. "He's waiting." + </p> + <p> + I often wonder how I had the strength to go upstairs and open the door. + But I did, and there surely enough he stood, only a few feet of + green-painted boards separating us. How I crossed them I never knew. He + came halfway, no doubt. + </p> + <p> + I should never have done the journey alone, and I wondered too how it was + we met as lovers! That was the most wonderful part of all. How, when I did + not even know that he cared, could it have happened? It was all too + wonderful, and I was too dazed with happiness to question anything at the + moment. I only knew that the world had become a paradise, and that the + past years of doubt and perplexity had fallen away like a disused garment. + </p> + <p> + Then we began to talk, and the mystery deepened. He spoke of a telegram. I + had never received one! And my telegram? I had never sent one! He laughed, + and when I said I didn't understand, he said what was the use of + understanding when knowing was sufficient? + </p> + <p> + It was all very puzzling, but I was content. There was so much to talk of, + so many explanations to make and to hear! But in time we came back to the + telegram. There had been no such thing! + </p> + <p> + He laughed. "I have it here," he said, putting his hand on his + coat-pocket. + </p> + <p> + "Show it to me," I pleaded. + </p> + <p> + Never; it was his, and his alone. + </p> + <p> + "But nothing is yours now that is not mine," I urged, "at least, if you + have asked me to marry you." + </p> + <p> + "Betty," he said, "I quite forgot. I came home for the express purpose of + doing so. I have thought and dreamed of nothing else, all through the long + marches in Africa; all the way home I have thought of that and of your + answer. Betty, will you marry me?" + </p> + <p> + "I shall be delighted, Captain Buchanan. But where is my telegram to you, + your telegram to me?" + </p> + <p> + "It. I think Nannie must have one." + </p> + <p> + "And did she answer it? Oh, what did she say?" + </p> + <p> + "Never mind; she said exactly the right thing. Don't let's discuss + Nannie's telegram when we have to make up for the silence of years! O + Betty! shall I wake up?" + </p> + <p> + A little later he said, "Tell me, did you care that night at the + Frasers'?" + </p> + <p> + I said I never remembered a time when I didn't care. + </p> + <p> + "O Betty! if only you hadn't been so proud!" + </p> + <p> + "Or you so horribly ununderstandable!" + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0019" id="link2HCH0019"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter XIX + </h2> + <p> + "You wonderful Nannie," I said later, as I sat at her feet, "how did you + do it?" + </p> + <p> + "Quite easily," said Nannie. "When I saw that you must go to Hames, as of + course you had to, I thought to myself, I'll wait! Years ago my lady said + to me, I Nannie, don't let my child throw away her own chance of + happiness. I feel that a day may come when she will be called upon to make + a sacrifice, and she will make it, regardless of her own feelings. You + were always giving up your toys and things to the boys; that's what made + your mother think of it. The day she spoke of came the morning the + telegram came from Hames. I had been waiting and waiting so as to be sure + to do what your mother told me, and the day came. You see, I saw the + paper, and I knew!" + </p> + <p> + "How, Nannie? No one knew, I thought." + </p> + <p> + "Ah, nannies know things; much use they'd be in this world if they didn't? + I know lots of things I'm not supposed to! Well, I waited, and no telegram + came from him that day. There were all sorts of things about him in the + evening paper, being a hero and a lion and all those sort of things. Then + the next day the telegram came. The ship had been late; you never can tell + with ships. Leave ships to sailors, I say. Well, I opened the telegram. It + said, 'Will you see me if I come straight to you?' or some such words, and + I answered it." + </p> + <p> + "What did you say, Nannie?" + </p> + <p> + "I don't see that that matters. There's nothing in words, and I'm no + scholar." + </p> + <p> + "Nannie dear, it does matter. It meant everything in the world to me. If + only you knew how happy I am, how ridiculously happy." + </p> + <p> + "It's all right, then. I've done what she said." A rapturous smile + illuminated her old face. + </p> + <p> + "All right, Nannie?" + </p> + <p> + Only a hug can express some things. Nannie straightened her cap. "Well, + then," she said, drawing herself up, "I couldn't do it for sixpence, it + cost ninepence halfpenny. I said, 'Come. Been waiting for you for years.'" + </p> + <p> + "Nannie!" I exclaimed. + </p> + <p> + THE END <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Professional Aunt, by Mary C.E. 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Wemyss + +Release Date: May, 2004 [EBook #5736] +Posting Date: April 23, 2009 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PROFESSIONAL AUNT *** + + + + +Produced by Sean Pobuda + + + + + + + + +THE PROFESSIONAL AUNT + +By Mary C. E. Wemyss + + + + +Chapter I + + +A boy's profession is not infrequently chosen for him by his +parents, which perhaps accounts for the curious fact that the shrewd, +business-like member of a family often becomes a painter, while the +artistic, unpractical one becomes a member of the Stock Exchange, in +course of time, naturally. + +My profession was forced upon me, to begin with, by my sisters-in-law, +and in the subsequent and natural order of things by their children--my +nephews and nieces. + +Zerlina says it is the duty of one woman in every family to be an aunt. +By that she means of course a professional aunt. She says she does not +understand the longing on the part of unattached females--the expression +is hers, not mine--for a larger sphere of usefulness than that which +aunt hood offers. She considers that it affords full scope for the +energies of any reasonably constituted woman; and no doubt, if the +professional aunt was all that Zerlina says she should be, she would +have her time fully occupied in the discharging of her duties. + +Zerlina cannot see that it is not exactly a position of a woman's own +choosing, although under strong pressure she has been known to admit +that there have been cases in which women have been made aunts whether +they would or no; and she thinks it is perhaps by way of protest against +such usage that they so shamefully neglect their duties in that walk +of life to which their bothers and sister-in-law have seen fit to call +them. + +Of course, when an aunt marries, she loses at once all the perfecting +of the properly constituted aunt; and that is a thing to be seriously +considered. Is she wise in leaving a profession for which all her +sisters-in-law think she is admirably fitted, for one which the most +experienced pronounce a lottery? + +This is all of course written from Zerlina's point of view. She requires +of a professional aunt many things. She must, to begin with, remember +the birthdays of all her nephews and nieces, of Zerlina's children +in particular. If she remembers their birthdays, it stand to reason, +Zerlina's reason, that the sequence of thought is--presents. + +The really successful aunt knows the particular taste of each nephew and +niece. She knows, moreover, the exact moment at which the taste changes +from a love for woolly rabbits to a passion for steam engines. Instinct +tells her at what age a child maybe promoted, with safety, from wool to +paint, and she knows the critical moment in a boy's life when a Bible +should be bestowed. It usually, or perhaps I should say my experience is +that it usually, follows the first knife, an ordinary two-bladed knife, +and comes the birthday before a knife--"with things in it." The real +boy must have a knife with things in it: a corkscrew,--I wonder why a +corkscrew?--a buttonhook, a thing to take stones out of horses' hoofs, +a thing to mend traces with--I know I am ignorant of the technical +terms--but the hardest-hearted shop-assistant will never fail to help a +professional aunt in the choice of a knife, unless by chance he should +be unhappy enough never to have been a boy, and such cases are rare. + +I used often to wonder why boys wanted all these things. Now I know, +because I asked Dick and he said, "You see, Aunt Woggles, I use them for +other things." I am not sure that most of us don't do the same thing +with many of our most cherished possessions in life. + +As regards steam-engines Zerlina lays down a distinct law. They must +never burst--that is an injury no sister-in-law would ever forgive--and +paint must never come off. If Zerlina had known and loved the taste of +crimson lake in the days of her youth, she would never draw so hard and +fast a line. + +From the earliest moment in a baby's career, the professional aunt takes +upon herself serious responsibilities. She may not, for instance, like +any ordinary aunt, pass the baby in his perambulator, out walking. Any +other aunt may, with perfect propriety, say, "Hullo, duckie, where's +auntie?" and pass on. She knows the danger of stopping, and seeks to +avoid it. Not so the professional aunt. She realizes the danger and +faces it. She knows she will have to wait, for the sake of the child's +character, until he shall choose to say, "Ta-ta." + +He will probably, if he is a healthy child, say everything he knows +but that. He will go through his limited vocabulary in a pathetically +obliging manner, making the most beautiful "moo-moos" and +"quack-quacks," but he will not say, "Ta-ta." Why should he? On +persuasion, and more especially if the interview should take place at +a street-corner on a windy March day, he will repeat the "moo-moos" and +"quack-quacks" even more successfully than before, and he will wonder +in what way they fall short of perfection, since he earns no praise. He +likes to be rewarded with, "Kevver boy." We all do, just as a matter of +form, if nothing else. Surely ordinary politeness demands it. + +He will not say, "Ta-ta," though. Who knows but what it is innate +politeness on his part and his way of saying, "Oh, don't go! What a +flying visit!" + +However, the professional aunt cannot be sure of this, although she can +guess; so she must wait patiently, for the sake of Baby's morals and +nurse's feelings, until he does say, "Ta-ta." We may suppose that he +at last loses his temper and says it, meaning, no doubt, "For goodness +sake, go!" if not something stronger. The nurse is satisfied, the aunt +is released, and the conscientious objector is wheeled away. + +Besides ministering to the soul of a baby the aunt must tend to its +bodily needs, and for this reason she must be a good needlewoman. + +Before the arrival of the first nephew or niece, when she is very +unprofessional, she will hastily put her work under the sofa or behind +the cushion when any one comes into the room. As she grows older and +more professional, and the nephews and nieces become more numerous, she +will give up hiding her work. People who are intimately connected with +the family will show no surprise, and to inquisitive strangers, unless +she is very religious, she can murmur something about a creche, so long, +of course, as Zerlina is not there. + +The really successful aunt, one who is at the top of her profession, +can perfectly well be trusted to take all the children to the Zoo alone; +that is to say, without a nurse, and of course without the mother. The +mother knows how pleased and gratified an aunt feels on being given the +entire charge of the children. The nurse is gratified too; in fact +every one is pleased, with perhaps the exception of the aunt. But it is +against professional etiquette for her to say so. She only wonders why +mothers think a privilege they hold so lightly--taking the children +to the Zoo--should be so esteemed by other women. But as the old +story goes, "Hush, darling, hush, the doctor knows best," so must we +say,--"Mothers know best." + +Another qualification in a professional aunt, desirable if not +indispensable, is tact. If she should be possessed of ever so little, it +will save her a considerable amount of bother. She won't, in a moment of +mental aberration, praise dark-eyed children to Zerlina, whose children +have blue eyes. Should she do so, by some unlucky chance, it would take +several expeditions to the Zoo, and probably one to Kew, before things +were as they were. If Zerlina, however, should, by the expedition of +the aunt and children to Kew, be enabled to do something she very much +wanted to do, and couldn't, because the nurse's father was ill, and the +nursery-maid anemic, the little misunderstanding will have disappeared +by the time the aunt returns from Kew, and Zerlina will say, after +carefully counting the children,--it is this mathematical tendency +in mothers that hurts an aunt,--"I do trust you implicitly with the +children, dear. You know that; it isn't every one I could trust; you are +so capable! I wish I were, but one can't be everything. Of course you +don't understand a mother's feelings." + +I sometimes wonder why Zerlina always says this to me. I have never +pretended to be anything but an aunt. + +But to return to my profession. As the children grow older the duties of +the aunt become more arduous. For the benefit of schoolboy nephews with +exeats, she must have an intimate acquaintance with the Hippodrome, any +exhibition going, every place of instruction, of a kind, or amusement. +She must be thoroughly up in matinees, and know what plays are +frightfully exciting, and she must have a nice taste in sweets. She need +not necessarily eat them; it is perhaps better if she does not. But she +must know where the very best are to be procured. She must never get +tired. She must love driving in hansoms and going on the top of 'buses. +She must know where the white ones go, and where the red ones don't, +although a mistake on her part is readily forgiven, if it prolongs the +drive without curtailing a performance of any kind. This requires great +experience. She must set aside, moreover, a goodly sum every year for +professional expenses. + +The foregoing are a few of the qualifications which Zerlina thinks +essential in aunts. There are others, and the greatest of them is love. +Zerlina forgot to mention that. + + + + +Chapter II + + +But Diana! That is another story. Open the windows wide, let in the +fresh air, the whispering of trees, the song of the birds, and all that +is good and beautiful in nature. The very thought of Diana is sunshine. +She is as God meant us to be, happy and good, believing in the goodness +of others, slow to find evil in them, quick to forgive it, infinitely +pitiful of the sorrows of the suffering. This is Diana, and she has +three children, Betty, Hugh, and Sara. Allah be praised! + +You do not imagine that I dislike Zerlina, do you? I should be sorry to +give that impression. But a professional aunt must be above all things +absolutely straightforward and truthful. + +I had been engaged for weeks to go to Hames for the first shoot, and an +urgent telegram from Zerlina, followed by a feverish letter, failed to +move me from my purpose. The telegram, by the way, ran as follows: "Can +you Tuesday for fortnight. Do. Urgent. ZERLINA." I wondered why Zerlina +elected to leave out "come." If I had been strictly economizing, I +should have saved on the "do." The letter followed in due course of +time:-- + +Dear Betty, I have just sent a wire in frantic haste asking you to come +[that was exactly what she had not done] on Tuesday for a fortnight. +I should so much like you to see something of the children, and Baby +really is very fascinating. She is such a fat child, much fatter than +Muriel's baby, who is six months older. The fact is, Jim is rather run +down; nothing much, of course, but I think a change would do him good, +and the Staveleys have asked us to go to them, and I don't like to +refuse, and we thought it would be such a good opportunity to have my +bedroom re-papered and painted. I don't believe you would smell the +paint, and in any case I believe there is some new kind of paint which +smells delicious, like stephanotis, I am told, so I will order that. I +would not ask you to come just as we are going away, because I should +like to be at home to see you, but I could go away so happily if you +were with the children; I often think for a woman without children, +you are so wonderfully understanding, about children, I mean. You could +manage nurse, too, I am sure. She is in one of her moods just now, and I +feel I must get away from all worries for a little. + +Yours, + +ZERLINA + +P. S.--Jim is so well, and would send his love if he were here. + +I telegraphed back, of course, directly I got Zerlina's telegram, +saying I could not come, and answered the letter at leisure. It is as +a sister-in-law in relation to the aunt that Diana particularly shines. +This aunt she looks upon as something more than useful, and asks her +to stay at other times than when the children have measles, and +whooping-cough, or the bedroom is to be re-papered. Zerlina perhaps is +unfortunate. She says, "Have you ever noticed how the children always +have something when you come to stay?" Zerlina is quite pretty when she +puts her head on one side. I answer, "Yes, Zerlina, I have noticed it +curiously enough," but I do not say that I suspect that at the very +first sound of a cough, at the very first appearance of a rash, this +aunt is urged to come and stay. + +Diana accepts such services; the mother of such creatures as Betty, +Hugh, and Sara is forced to do so by very reason of their existence. But +those services she accepts with generous appreciation; not that an aunt +wants thanks, but being human, pitifully so, even the most professional +of them, she is conscious where they are not expressed, in some form or +other. A smile is enough. + +So to Hames I went, in spite of Zerlina's appeal, with treasures deep +down in my box for Betty, Hugh, and Sara. Sara is of all babes in the +world the most fascinating, say sisters-in-law other than Diana what +they will. As a tribute to this fascination, the largest white rabbit, +woolly to a degree undreamed of--at least I hoped so--in Sara's world, +was carefully packed in my box, wrapped cunningly in tissue-paper, and +guarded on all sides by clothing of a soft description. I have known a +chiffon skirt put to strange uses in the interests of Sara. + +I found the carriage waiting for me, and was touched to see that Croft, +the old coachman, had come to meet me himself. It is an honor he does +the family with perhaps two or three exceptions. When he comes to meet +me, there is a regular program to be gone through. It varies only in a +very slight degree and begins like this:-- + +I say, "Well, Croft, it is very nice to see you," and he says, "The same +to you, miss, and many of them." He then begins to "riminize"; the word +is his own. He begins with the auspicious day on which I was born, and +describes how he himself went to fetch the doctor in the dead of the +night. He describes minutely his costume and the part the elements +played on the occasion; they were evidently very much upset. He then +goes on to say how he held me on my first pony, and taught me to ride +and drive. Having finally certificated me as competent to drive a pair +of horses under any circumstances, I ask how the children are, Sara in +particular. Here Croft looks heavenward, and says she looks a picture, +and adds that she looks very like me. The footman knows that here the +program is at an end, Croft having no greater praise to bestow on mortal +woman, and he opens the carriage door and I get in. + +Diana knows what it is to travel t he distance of three miles in the +suffocating embraces of Hugh and Betty; otherwise she would probably +have sent the children to meet me. + +The smell of the brougham brought my childhood vividly back to me. I +shut my eyes and instinctively put out my hand; and that hand that was +always held out to us as children took mine in its loving clasp, and I +was a child again, home from a visit, so glad to feel that hand again +and to see that mother from whom it was agony to be parted, for even a +short space of time. + + + + +Chapter III + + +When I arrived at Hames, Diana, tall, fair, and beautiful as a Diana +should be, was on the doorstep to meet me. Diana, by the way, had been +christened "Diana Elizabeth," in case she should have turned out short +and dumpy and, by some miraculous chance, dark. I looked for Sara in the +tail of Diana's gown,--I am afraid this is a literary license, as Diana +does not wear tails to her gowns in the country as a rule,--but Sara was +not there. + +"She is not there," said Diana. "The children are in the wildest state +of excitement, and will you faithfully promise to go up and see them +directly you have had tea?" + +I would willingly have gone then and there, and murmured something about +my box, and Diana said she hoped I had not brought them anything. + +"Oh! nothing," I said; "only the smallest things possible"; knowing all +the time that the woolly rabbit was, of its kind, unrivaled. But these +are professional expenses, and what I spend does not afterwards give +me a moment's worry. I have seen David, on the other hand, speechlessly +miserable after buying a mezzotint, for the time being only, of course; +the joy cometh in the morning, when Diana proves to him that it was the +only thing to do, and that it was really quite wonderful, the way in +which he was led to buy it. He had had no idea of doing so. Not the +slightest! And yet something within him urged him to buy it. Absolutely +urged him! + +Then, Diana said, it was clearly meant. If a man deliberately set out +on a fine morning, bent on spending more than he could afford, then--! +Diana's "then" is always so comforting. + +I am so afraid you will spoil the children, she said; "they expect +presents, which is so dreadful. Hugh bet sixpence at lunch that you +would bring him something, and he said to poor Mr. Hardy, You didn't." + +"But he will next time, Diana," I said. + +"Of course he will; that is the dreadful part of it." + +It is right that Diana should feel like that. A mother's point of view +and another's, an aunt's, for instance, are totally different things, +and I told Diana that, while fully appreciating her anxieties regarding +the characters of her children, considered that to destroy a child's +faith in an aunt was little short of criminal. But I promised that the +next time I came I would, perhaps, not bring them anything. "But I shall +give them fair warning." + +Diana admitted the justice of this, and she said, with a sigh of relief, +"I can't bear the children to be disappointed; a disappointed Sara is--" + +"Diana," I interrupted, "is it wise to begin Saraing at this time of +day?" + +In reality the woolly rabbit was tugging at my heartstrings and +clamoring to be unpacked. After a hurried tea, which I was obliged to +have for the sake of Bindon's feelings, I went upstairs, resolved to +disinter at all costs, without delay, the rabbit. I felt great anxiety +lest in transit the machinery which made the rabbit squeak in a way that +surely no rabbit, mechanical or otherwise,--particularly the otherwise, +I hoped,--had ever squeaked before, might be impaired; happily it was +not. + +Having carefully shut the door and silenced the attendant housemaid, I +took the precaution of burying the rabbit partially under the eider-down +quilt before testing the squeak, so that no noise should reach the +children. I am afraid I "mothered" the squeak of that rabbit if I +imagined it could reach anywhere so far; it was in reality such a very +small one. But such as it was, it was perfect, in spite of the deadening +effect of the quilt, and I pictured Sara's dimples dimpling. How she +would love it! The treasure was carefully wrapped up again, and I tried +hard to make it look like anything rather than a rabbit, in case Sara +should try, by feeling it, to discover its nature. + +Jane, the housemaid, said that no one could tell, no matter how much +they tried; if they tried all day, they wouldn't, that she knew for +sure; which was very consoling. + +I then examined Hugh's train and Betty's cooking-stove, and found them +intact, with, the exception of a saucepan lid. This, after a search, +we found under the wardrobe. Why do things always go under things? Jane +didn't know--she only knew they did. Then I opened the door and called. + +Suddenly I heard a noise unearthly in its shrillness: it was Hugh +calling his Aunt Woggles. He threw himself into my arms, keeping one +eye, I could not help noticing, on the parcels. During the hug, which +gave him plenty of time to make up his mind, he evidently decided +which was for him; for he relaxed his hold and went to the table by the +window, on which the parcels lay, whistling in as careless a manner as a +boy bursting with excitement could do. First of all he stood on one leg, +then on the other, and looked knowingly at me out of the corner of his +eye. He was too honest to pretend that he thought the parcel was for +some other boy, since there was no other. When the excitement became +more than he could bear, he sang in a sing-song voice, "I see it, I see +it!" + +"Open it, then," I said, which he proceeded to do with great energy, if +with little success. + +"I b'lieve it's a knife with things in it," he said. + +My heart sank. "Oh, it's much too big for a knife, Hugh," I replied. + +"I 'spect it is, all the same," he said with a nod; "you've made it big +on purpose; I positively know you have." + +At last it was opened, and I said, aunt-like, "Do you like it, Hugh?" + +"Awfully, thanks." Then he added a little wistfully, "Tommy's got a +knife with things in it, a button'ook." + +Perhaps he saw I looked disappointed, for he added magnanimously, "I +like trains next best, Aunt Woggles; only you see I didn't exactly pray +for a train, that's why. What's Betty's?" + +"Betty must open it herself." + +"Don't you suppose," he said, "that she would like me to open it for +her, because it is a hard thing opening parcels--and Betty says I may +always open all her parcels when she is out." + +"Hugh!" I exclaimed. + +He rushed to the door. "Come on, Betty," he shouted. "Aunt Woggles wants +you." + +If Betty's entrance was less tempestuous than Hugh's, her embrace was +not less ecstatic. She put her arms round my neck and took her legs off +the ground,--a quite simple process, and known to most aunts, I expect. +The ultimate result would, no doubt, be strangulation. No one knows, of +course, but among aunts it is a very general belief. Unlike Hugh, Betty +kept her eyes religiously away from parcels, and she got very pink when +I drew her attention to the very nobly one which was hers. Hugh stood +by, urging her to open it, and offering to help her; but this Betty +would not allow, and she opened it, her lips trembling with excitement. + +"Is it for my very own?" she whispered. + +"Absolutely for your very own, Betty," I answered. + +"Oh!" said Betty. "Hugh, it's all for my very, very own; Aunt Woggles +says so; but you may play with it when you are very good." + +This in Hugh's eyes seemed so remote a contingency as to be scarcely +worth consideration. + +When the cooking-stove stood revealed in all its glory, Betty was silent +for a moment; then she said in a voice choked with emotion, "I shall +cook dinners for you, all for your very own self--nobody else." + +My heart sank. "You will eat the things, won't you?" she asked, "if I +make proper things, just like real things?" + +"Of course," I said. "Where's Sara?" + +"She wouldn't have her face washed," said Betty, "so she's waiting till +she's good." + +Poor Sara! A strict disciplinarian is Betty! + +The regeneration of Sara was evidently a matter of moments only, for +the words were hardly out of Betty's mouth when Sara, in all her clean, +delicious dumpiness, appeared in the doorway. If there is one thing more +delicious than a grubby Sara, it is a clean Sara. Sara after gardening +is delicious, but Sara clean is assuredly the cleanest thing on God's +earth. I have never seen a child look so new, and so straight out of +tissue-paper, as Sara can look. She stared solemnly at her Aunt Woggles, +and then proceeded to walk away in the opposite direction, which was an +invitation on her part to me to follow and snatch her up in my arms. She +bore the hug stoically for a reasonable time, and then said, "Oo 'urt." + +I realized, with the agony of remorse, that a very large aunt can by +means of a brooch inflict exquisite torture on a very small niece. + +She wriggled herself free and began to rearrange her ruffled garments. +"Yaya's got noo soos," she announced; "ved vuns." + +"No, blue, darling," I said. + +"Ved," said Sara. + +"No, sweetest, blue," I repeated in a somewhat professional but wholly +affectionate manner. + +"Ved," said Sara with great decision; so I gave it up. + +"Sara always thinks blue is red," said Betty; "don't you, darling?" + +"No, boo," replied Sara; so the matter dropped. + +"Oo's tummin' to see Yaya's toys," said Sara. + +"Am I, darling? When?" + +"Now." + +"But Aunt Woggles has got something for you," I said in a triumphant +voice. + +Sara showed no interest and pulled me by the hand toward the door. + +"Hand me that, Betty," I said, pointing to the parcel on the table. + +Betty handed it to me. + +"Here, Sara," I said, "I have got a darling white rabbit for you! Sara! A +bunny!" + +"Yaya's got a blush upstairs, a lubbly blush," she said, disdaining even +to look at the parcel. I held it toward her, undid it, I squeaked the +squeak, I called the rabbit endearing names; but to no purpose. Sara +looked the other way. A look I at last persuaded her to bestow upon the +rabbit; but she gazed at its charms, unmoved. + +"Yaya doesn't yike nasty bunnies, only nice blushes," she said. + +"It's a hearth-brush dressed up," whispered Betty, "and it's dressed up +in my dolly's cape, at least in one of my dolly's capes; she loves it. +Aunt Woggles, do you think it is a good thing to make hearth-brushes say +their prayers? Sara does." + +I followed Sara disconsolately to the nursery and was shown the beauties +of the "lubbly blush." + +Nannie bemoaned her darling's taste, and the nursery-maid blushed for +very shame. + +"Not but what it's quite clean, miss," Nannie said; "it's been +thoroughly washed in carbolic." + +Meanwhile Sara was rocking herself backward and forward in a manner +truly maternal and singing her version of "Jesus Tender" to her "lubbly +blush." + +"I thought she would love the rabbit," I said, and Nannie, by way of +consolation, assured me that there was really nothing Sara loved so +much as a rabbit. I suppose Nannie knew, and that it was only another +instance of the folly of judging from appearances. + +"You will love your bunny, won't you, darling?" said Nannie; "nice +bunny!" + +"Nasty bunny," said Sara with great decision. + +"That's naughty, baby," said Nannie; "nice bunny!" + +"Naughty bunny," said Sara, "vake Yaya's yubbly vitty blush." And she +resumed her singing with religious fervor. + +Nannie was really quite upset, and apologized for her charge. I accepted +the apology and resolved then and there to send the despised rabbit +to the Children's Hospital by the next post. Have you ever given a +toy-balloon to a child, and had the child say, "Balloons don't amuse?" I +have. + +Nannie then, by way of consolation, suggested that Sara should say her +prayers at my knee. It was the greatest compliment she could pay +any one. Sara consented after much pressure, and she knelt down and +proceeded to pack up her face. No other word to my mind describes the +process. First of all she shut her eyes tight. To keep them tight seemed +to require a great physical effort; this was done by tightly screwing +up her nose. Next she proceeded to gather her eyebrows into the smallest +possible compass, and then she drew a deep breath, folded her small +hands, and started off at a terrific pace, "Gaw bess parver yan muvver +yan nannie yan hughyan betty yan dicky an aunt woggles yan ellen yan +emma yan croft--yan blusby yan all ve vitty children yan make dem velly +good boys yan make my nastyole bunnyagoodgirl. May Yaya get up?" + +"Not yet, baby, think," said Nannie. + +Sara thought, and then with a fresh access of solemnity repeated +an entirely new version of the Lord's Prayer. Nannie understood it +evidently, for at a point quite unintelligible to me, Nannie said, "Good +girl!" and Sara jumped up. + +Nannie told me that nothing would induce Sara to pray that she might +be made good. She was always very ready to make such petitions on the +behalf of Betty and Hugh, but for herself, no. She is not like Betty, +who at her age prayed, "Dear God, please make me a good little girl, but +if you can't manage it, don't bother about it; Nannie will soon do it." + +Difficult and tedious as the task may have appeared to Betty, I think +it was assuredly within the power of God to make her good without the +intervention of Nannie. Dear Betty! + +Sara was then put to bed, and while Nannie brushed her hair, Sara +brushed the hearth-brush's hair. Sara was very anxious to have it in her +bath with her, but here Nannie was firm. + +Later the hearth-brush was dressed in a nightgown and laid beside Sara +in her little bed. The last thing she did before going to sleep +was to gaze at her darling "blush" with rapture and say, +"Nasty--'ollid--bunny!" + +Her eyelashes fluttered and then gently fell on her cheek, as a +butterfly hovers and then settles on the petal of a rose. + +"Leave it here, miss," said Nannie; "she'll see it when she wakes." + +I left the despised bunny and went to dress for dinner. Betty was +waiting for me outside. "Is the cooking-stove for my very own self, Aunt +Woggles?" + +"Absolutely, Betty. Why?" + +"Only because Hugh wondered if it wasn't or him, too. He only wondered, +and I said I didn't suppose one present could be for two people, because +then it wouldn't be such a very real present, would it?" + +I said, "Of course not"; and I told her the story of the two men who +owned one elephant, and one man said to the other: "I don't know what +you are going to do with your half; I am going to shoot mine!" + +"And did he, Aunt Woggles?" asked Betty, her eyes wide with horror. + +"I wonder," I said. "I'll race you to the end of the passage." + +"I won," cried Betty. "No, we both of us did," she added, slipping her +hand into mine. + +That evening Diana told me that a few days before, she had heard the +following conversation between Hugh and Betty: + +"I am going to shoot my cock." + +"Hugh!" said Betty, "don't, it's a darlin' cock." + +"But it doesn't lay eggs," said Hugh. + +"I don't think cocks are supposed to lay eggs," said Betty thoughtfully. + +"Well, I don't see why they shouldn't," said Hugh; "widowers have +children." + + + + +Chapter IV + + +Suppose all aunts, that is to say, all professional aunt, know what it +is to be visited at seven o'clock in the morning by nephews and nieces, +fresh, vigorous, and rosy after a night's rest. Fresh, and oh! so +vigorous and deliciously rosy were Hugh and Betty when they appeared at +my bedside at seven o'clock the next morning. + +"Hullo!" said Hugh, "we've come. May we get into your bed? I'll get up +steam and take a long run and jump in. Shall I?" + +I braced myself up for the shock. There is no need to go through the +morning's program; I suppose every aunt knows it. Bears, camel-rides, +robbers, and various other things, all of a distinctly energetic nature. +At half past seven-you see it doesn't take long, any aunt can bear half +an hour--Nannie appeared, carrying a deliciously rosy Sara with her hair +done on the top, which makes her more than ever fascinating; and in +her arms she carried her bunny--Sara's arms, I mean, of course. "Nice +bunny," she said. + +"Who gave you your bunny?" I asked. + +"Jesus!" said Sara, triumphantly nodding her head and opening her eyes +very wide. "Jesus makes all ve bunnies, and all ve vitty dickey birds, +and all ve vitty fowers, and all ve big fowers and all ve ponge cakes, +and Yaya." + +"And what is Sara going to do with her bunny?" I asked. + +"Vuv it," she said with ecstasy. + +"Shall I leave her?" asked Nannie. + +"What a foolish question, Nannie!" I said. "Could any one send away a +blue dressing-be-gowned Sara?" + +"And shall I take the others, miss?" + +"Do," I replied. + +They went and left me in sole possession of Sara. + +"Shall I tell Sara a story?" I said. She nodded her head. + +"A storlie all about bunnies." + +So I began, "Once upon a time there was a big bunny." + +"A vitty bunny," said Sara. + +"A little bunny," I said. "Once upon a time there was a little bunny." + +"A velly, velly vitty bunny," said Sara. + +"Once upon a time there was a very, very little bunny," I repeated, +emphasizing the "very, very little," as Sara had done. She cuddled into +the bedclothes, evidently quite satisfied with the beginning as it now +stood. "And the very, very little bunny lived in a nice hole--" + +"A nice bed," said Sara, "a velly nice bed and not in a vitty bed, but +in a velly big bed, a velly, velly big bed with Aunt Woggles." + +"In a nice big bed with Aunt Woggles," I said, "and he was a very good +little bunny." + +At this Sara rose in the bed and looked at me very severely. + +"Did he say his palayers eberly day?" she asked. + +"No, not prayers, darling. Bunnies don't say prayers; children say +prayers." + +"Naughty bunnies!" said Sara with great severity. + +Dreading a religious discussion, which Sara loves, I proposed changing +the story to "The Three Bears." She acquiesced with jumps of joy up and +down, just where one would not choose to be jumped upon, and said, "Ve +felee belairs." + +Here I fared no better: my version of the story was so hopelessly wrong, +and I received such crushing correction at the hands of Sara, that I +was glad to relinquish my office of story-teller and suggested that she +should tell a story instead. + +This was evidently what she had wanted to do all along, for she began at +once. She tells a story very much as she says her prayers, at the same +terrific pace certainly. First of all she swallowed and took a deep +breath, then she began, "Vunce there was a vitty blush--and not a bad +nasty blush--it said its palayers ebery morning an nannie said good +girly an then the blush vent to sleep in a vitty bed with Yaya." + +"Go slower, darling," I said. "Aunt Woggles can't quite understand." + +"Yan--ven--Yaya--voke up ve vitty--belush said, 'Good-morning,' yan Yaya +said, 'Good-morning,' yan it was a nice bunny yan not a nasty bunny any +more." + +Here Sara's thoughts were distracted, and the story ended abruptly for +want of breath, or possibly of story. She refused to go on, and when +pressed said with great decision, "Dey's all dead." + +She then had her share of camel-rides and bears, and by the time Nannie +came I began to feel that I had earned my breakfast. I was one of the +first down, and Bindon was evidently waiting for me, because as I went +into the dining-room he took up his position behind a certain chair, +which action on his part plainly indicated that I was to sit there. +I wondered why. Could it be that I had arrived at the age when it is +advisable for a woman to sit back to the light at breakfast? Was this +only another instance of Bindon's devotion to us all? That the credit of +the family is paramount in his mind, I know! All this flashed through +my mind, but I saw a moment later that it was not of my complexion that +Bindon thought, for on a plate before the chair behind which he stood, +lay a small dark gray wad about the size of a five-shilling piece. I +hesitated, and Bindon said in an undertone, "Miss Betty made it." Not a +muscle of his face moved. + +I sat down and gazed at the awful result of my present to Betty. +The--what shall I call it?--was gray, as I said before; it had a +crisscross pattern on it, deeply indented, and snugly sunk in the middle +of it was a currant. I sighed. My duty as a professional aunt was clear: +had I not in a moment of weakness said I would eat anything Betty made, +provided it was a proper thing? Had I here a loophole of escape? No, it +was certainly, according to Betty's lights, a most proper thing. But why +does dough, in the hands of the cleanest child, become dark gray? + +Bindon, having done his duty by Betty, and not being able on this +occasion to do it by both of us, made no further explanation. Like the +first step, it is no doubt the first bite that costs most dearly; and +while I was pondering whether to take two bites or swallow it whole, Mr. +Dudley came in and sat down opposite me. He is a young man who thinks +that no woman he doesn't know can be worth knowing. When by force of +circumstances he comes to know a fresh one, he always tells her he feels +as if he had known her all her life, and talks of a previous existence, +and so gets over a difficulty. I felt that it was a tribute to Diana +that he treated me so kindly, and I earned his gratitude and commanded +his respect by refusing food at his hands. I said I liked helping myself +at breakfast. He insisted, however, on passing me the toast. This I felt +was apart from Diana altogether. + +After a few moments the little gray wad attracted his attention, and his +eyebrows expressed a wish to know what it was. + +"Betty made it," I said. + +"And what is it?" + +"I wonder!" I said. "I think it must come under the head of black +bread." + +"What are you going to do with it?" he asked. + +I answered, "Why, eat it, of course; only I can't make up my mind how. +What should you say, two bites or a swallow?" + +His interest was now thoroughly aroused; he had evidently never before +met an aunt professionally. He looked at me solemnly and said, "You are +going to eat that?" + +"I am an aunt, you see," said; "a professional aunt." + +"A what?" he asked. + +"A professional aunt," I answered. "You are an uncle, I suppose." + +"I am constantly getting wires to that effect, but I am hanged if I have +ever eaten mud-pies." + +"No, that is part of the profession," I said; "you see, I promised +Betty." + +Mr. Dudley relapsed into silence. I had given him food for reflection. + +Here Betty appeared, "not to eat anything," she carefully explained. +Hugh came next, followed a moment later by Sara, who was beside herself +with excitement, which was centered in the blue ribbon in her hair, to +which she had that morning been promoted. A red curl had become more +rebellious than its fellows, and it was tied up with a blue ribbon, in +the fashion beloved of young mothers. Diana dislikes any reference made +to poodles. + +"Yaya's got a ved vimvirn in her har," she announced. + +We all expressed the keenest interest and unbounded surprise. One very +well-meaning person put down his knife and fork and said he was too +surprised to eat any more breakfast; whereupon Hugh said, "You needn't +be so very funny, because Sara doesn't understand those sort of jokes." + +Whether Sara understood it or not, it seemed to encourage her to further +revelations, and she announced with bated breath, "Yaya's got ved +vimvims in her--" She opened her eyes very wide and nodded very +mysteriously, and was about to suit her actions to her words and +disclose the ribbons in question, when Diana, with a promptitude quite +splendid, administered a banana. Sara ate some with relish, paused, and +said in a loud voice, subdued by banana, "jormalies." She was not going +to be put off with a banana. + +Betty was very much shocked, and with a face of virtuous indignation +whispered in my ear, "Sara means-" I hastily stopped Betty because her +whispers are louder than Sara's loudest conversation and very much +more distinct. And after all there is everything in the way a word is +pronounced. Without any context I think "jormalies" might pass anywhere +as a perfectly right and proper word, to be used on any occasion. + +Hugh, too, had something to say on the absorbing topic of ribbons, +and on such a subject I thought he might safely be trusted. On what an +unsafe foundation is built the faith of an aunt! + +"Aunt Woggles," he said, "has got pink ribbons in her nightie; it's +lovely, and she doesn't do her hair in funny little things like--" + +Here David distracted Hugh's attention by telling him an absolute +untruth concerning a fox to be seen out of the window. The first of +April is the only day in the whole year on which the word "fox" won't +take him flying to the window. + +Betty, perhaps by way of changing the conversation, said, "You did eat +my cake, didn't you, Aunt Woggles?" + +"Of course I did, Betty." + +"Don't you believe it," said Mr. Dudley. + +"I always believe my Aunt Woggles," said Betty with infinite scorn. "Was +it nice, Aunt Woggles?" Mercifully she didn't wait for an answer, but +continued: "I lost the currant three times, but I found it all right. +I thought I had trodden on it, but I hadn't, because I looked on the +bottom of my shoe and it wasn't there. I did have lots of currants, only +when I dropped them Mungo ate them all up, except this one. He didn't +eat this one because I stopped him. I said, 'Drop it, Mungo!' and he +did. It was a good thing he didn't eat it, wasn't it? I made lines +across, did you see? All across the cake! I made those with a hairpin. +It was a good plan, wasn't it?" + +Somehow or other my breakfast had fallen short of my expectations. But +what I had lost in appetite I had perhaps gained in other ways, for I +had until then undoubtedly existed in the mind of Mr. Dudley only under +the shadow of Diana's charming personality. I now took my stand alone, +as the Aunt Woggles who ate mud-pies, I am afraid; but still it is +something to have a separate existence. Is it? + + + + +Chapter V + + +Diana's children are of a distinctly religious turn of mind. I think +most children are, and what wonderful, curious thing their religion +is! Looking back to my own childhood, I remember thinking, or rather +knowing, that the Holy Ghost was a Shetland shawl. We called our shawls +"comforters"; we wore them when we went to parties in the winter. "I will +not leave you comfortless," could mean nothing else. To complete the +illusion, we had in the nursery a picture of the Pentecost, the Holy +Ghost descending in the form of a cloudy substance, not unlike a +Shetland shawl. I was so sure that I was right, that I never thought of +asking any one. When I grew older and told my mother, she said, "But why +didn't you ask me, darling?" forgetting that when a child knows a thing +it never asks; when in doubt it will ask, but not when it knows. It is +a difficult and dangerous thing to shake a child's belief, and a +pity, too. For if we could all believe as simply as a child does, how +different it would make life! If Diana has a fault, it is that she +takes her children too seriously. She thinks it is wrong to tell them, +"Children should be seen and not heard," simply because they have asked +a question she can't answer. Aunts have been known to do it as a last +resource, on occasions of great danger. + +Hugh wants to know if God put in the quack before he made the duck. It +is difficult, isn't it, to answer that sort of question? + +On another occasion he asked Betty if God was alive. Betty, eager to +instruct, said, "My dear Hugh, God is a Spirit." + +"Then we can boil our milk on him." That was a poser for Betty. + +Diana was at a loss, too, when Hugh announced his intention of going to +Heaven. She asked him what he would do when he got there. I thought the +question a little unwise at the time. "Oh!" said Hugh, "stroll round +with Jesus, I suppose, and have a shot at the rabbits." + +Diana's position was a difficult one. It was this: if she told Hugh +there were no rabbits in Heaven, he wouldn't pray to go there; and if +she said there was no shooting in Heaven, Hugh would know for certain +that his father wouldn't want to go there, and it wouldn't do for Hugh +to think his father didn't want to go to Heaven. It was a difficulty, +but Hugh's Heaven was or is a very real and very happy place to him. It +is strangely like Hames; and isn't the home of every happy child very +near to Heaven? Surely it lies at its very gates, which we could see +if it was not for the mountains which intervene, those beautiful snow +mountains, which foolish grown-ups call clouds. + +Diana has come triumphantly out of situations more difficult, and she +will no doubt surmount those connected with the spiritual upbringing of +Hugh, Betty, and Sara. + +It is the custom of Diana to read the Bible every morning with her +children, and they resent any deviation from custom. + +After breakfast on the particular Sunday over which this shooting-party +extended, Hugh marched through the hall (where most of us were +assembled) with his Bible under his arm, followed by Betty, carrying +a smaller Bible. Hugh's seemed particularly cumbersome. He cast a +reproachful glance at his mother and her guests, and said to Betty, +"I will teach you, darling." + +Betty said, "Can you, Hugh?" and he said, "Rather!" + +Into the drawing-room he stumped, followed by the impressed Betty. + +"You may come, Aunt Woggles," he said, "if you don't talk." + +I promised not to talk, and sat down to write letters. + +Hugh sat down on the sofa and Betty plumped down beside him. She +carefully arranged her muslin skirts over her long black-stockinged +legs, and then told Hugh to begin. + +"What's it going to be about?" she asked. + +"All sorts of things," said Hugh grandly. "Perhaps about Adam and +Eve, and Jonah and the whale, and Samson and Elijah. Do you know the +diff'rence between Enoch and Elijah? That's the first thing." + +"No, I don't," said Betty reluctantly. + +"Well, darling, you must remember the diff'rence is that Enoch only +walked with God, but the carriage was sent for Elijah!" + +"Was it a carriage and pair, Hugh?" + +"More, I expect." + +"What next, Hugh?" + +"We'll just look until we find something." And Hugh opened the Bible. + +"It's upside down," whispered Betty. + +Hugh assumed the expression my spaniel puts on when he meets a dog +bigger than himself--an expression of extreme earnestness of purpose +combined with a desire to look neither to the right nor to the left, but +to get along as fast as he can. + +Hugh assumed an immense dignity and looked straight in front of him, +just to show Betty he was thinking and had not heard what she said, +while he turned the Bible round. + +"Go on, Hugh," said Betty humbly, feeling it was she who had made the +mistake. How often do men make women feel this! + +"Now, Betty," he said, "you must listen properly and not talk, because +it's a proper lesson, just like mother gives us when visitors aren't +here." A pause, then Hugh said in a very solemn voice, "You know, +darling, Jesus would have been born in the manger, but the dog in the +manger wouldn't let him!" + +I stole out of the room. + +"You don't disturb us, Aunt Woggles," called out Hugh; "you truthfully +don't." + +Hugh had evidently told all he knew, for in a few minutes he came out of +the drawing-room and joined us in the hall. "We've done!" he exclaimed; +"we've had our lesson all the same." + +"I am sorry, Hugh," said Diana. + +He slipped his hand in hers as a sign of forgiveness, and by way of +making matters quite right, I said, "You know, Hugh, mothers must look +after their guests. Their children are always with them, but friends +only occasionally." + +Why do aunts interfere? Retribution speedily follows. + +"Visitors are mostly always here," said Hugh plaintively. "When you have +children of your own, Aunt Woggles, then--" + +"A fox, a fox, Hugh!" cried some one. + +He rushed to the window. + +"That's two foxes today that weren't there when I looked," said Hugh; "I +shan't look next time." + +This was a desperate state of affairs; an attack might come at any time, +and we should have exhausted our ammunition. + +"The best thing," said Diana, "is for those who are going to church to +get ready." + +Betty and Hugh were of course going; Sara wanted to, but those in +authority deemed it wiser that she should wait till she was older. +This offended her very much, as did any reference to her age. But the +decision was a wise one: she prayed too fervently, she sang too lustily, +and she talked too audibly, to admit of reverent worship on the part of +the younger members of the congregation, and of the older ones, too, I +am afraid. + +One memorable Sunday she did go to church, as a great treat; and +when the hymn--"Peace, perfect peace" was given out, a beatific smile +illumined her face, and with her hymn-book upside-down she was preparing +to sing, when Diana said,--whispered rather--You don't know this, +darling." + +"Yes, I do, mummy, peace in the valley of Bong." + +Betty walked to church with me. "Aunt Woggles," she said, "you know the +gentleman in the Bible who lived inside the whale?" + +"Yes, darling," I said, "I do remember." My heart sank at the +difficulties presented by Jonah as gentleman. + +"Well," she said, "what dye suppose he did without candles in the dark +passages of the whale?" + +Betty evidently pictured the dark passages of the whale to be what +Haines used to be before electric light was installed. The whale, like +a house, must be modernized to meet the requirements of the day. When +Betty starts asking questions, she mercifully quickly follows one with +another, and does not wait for answers. The interior economy of the +whale suggested various trains of thought, and she went skipping along +beside me, or rather in front of me, propounding the most astounding +theories. I was quite glad when Mr. Dudley and Hugh caught us up. + +"You did come along fast, old man," said Mr. Dudley. + +"It wasn't me, it was you," panted Hugh. "It truthfully was, Aunt +Woggles, and he wasn't going to church at all till I told him you were +going. I'm awfully out of breath because he wanted to catch you up, so +it wasn't me all the time." + +I was sorry Hugh and Mr. Dudley had caught us up. + +Mr. Dudley murmured something about "Young ruffian," and I felt it my +duty as well as my pleasure to tell Hugh not to talk so much. + +"I 'sect you want to sit next my Aunt Woggles, don't you?" said Hugh +to Mr. Dudley; "but you can't, because I said, 'bags I sit next Aunt +Woggles in church' before she came to stay, ever so long before, +before two Christmases ago, I should think it was, or nearly before two +Christmases ago!" + +Betty's grasp on my hand tightened, and I returned it with a reassuring +pressure, as much as to say, "There are two sides to every aunt in +church, dear Betty; it is a comfort to know that." + +"I may sit next you, mayn't I?" + +"Yes, Betty," I said. + +"You are very rosy, Aunt Woggles," said Hugh. "Do you love my Aunt +Woggles?" he continued, dancing backward in front of Mr. Dudley. + +"Of course he does," I said boldly, taking the bull by the horns. +"Mr. Dudley loves even his enemies, especially on Sundays." + +Hugh looked puzzled, and pondered. Before he had come to any definite +conclusion as to how this affected Mr. Dudley's feelings towards me, we +reached the lichgate, where we found the rest of the party awaiting us. +We all separated: Diana took Betty, who gazed at me mournfully, but +was too loyal to her mother to say anything; Hugh gave a series of +triumphant jumps, which added pain to Betty's already disappointed +expression. + +In church I found myself allotted to what we call the overflow pew, +which is at right angles to the family pews and in full view of them. +It is the children's favorite pew only, I imagine, because they don't +always sit there. Hugh sat very close to me, and kept on giving little +wriggles and gazing up at me, then at Mr. Dudley, and snuggling closer +to me as if to emphasize the superiority of his position over that of +Mr. Dudley. + +"Hugh," I whispered, "you must behave." + +"He didn't sit next you, after all," he whispered. + +I say whispered, but must explain that Hugh's whisper is a very +far-reaching thing. He loves a victory. I hope that when he grows up he +will be a generous victor. He says he is going to be a dangerous man; I +can believe it. + +Betty, the vanquished one, stared solemnly in front of her, not deigning +to notice Hugh's triumph. What pleasure is there to children in sitting +next to some particular person in church? I remember, as a child, it was +a matter of earnest prayer during the week that on Sunday I might sit +next, some particular person in church. "And, O Lord, if it be for my +good, let me sit next the door." A child's religion is a very real thing +to him, and not only a Saturday-to-Monday thing. + +I looked at Betty's serious little face and wished that I could for one +moment read her thoughts. Her eyes, such lovely eyes, were fixed on +the preacher's face. What did his sermon convey to her? It was a +particularly uninteresting one, I remember, an appeal on behalf of the +curates' fund. Her eyes never left his face--such solemn, searching, +truthful eyes. I think a child like Betty should not be allowed to go +to church on such occasions, for what is the use of preaching against +matrimony on the one hand, and that, I suppose, is what the moral of +such a sermon should be,--and on the other hand holding up an incentive +to matrimony in the very alluring shape of Betty? For, personally, I +think Betty would be a very wonderful possession for any curate to have. + +Hugh was growing restless and I was bearing the brunt of it. Nannie, +feeling for me, leaned over from the back pew and said, "Don't rest your +head on your Aunt Woggles." + +"I came to church on purpose to rest my head on my Aunt Woggles's +chest," said Hugh, again in what he calls a whisper. A moment later, he +asked, "Is it done?" + +It was, and he jumped up. + +"May I sit next you next Sunday, Aunt Woggles?" he said, so soon as we +got outside the church door. + +"No, Hugh," I said. + +"I bet I do, all the same," he said. + +"Aunt Woggles," said Betty, as we walked home, "I collect for the +prevention of children; do you suppose Mr. Dudley would give me a +penny?" + +"I am sure he would, darling, but it is the prevention of cruelty to +children--the prevention of cruelty." + +"That's such a long thing to say, Aunt Woggles, don't you suppose he +would understand if I did say it a little wrong?" + +"Perhaps, darling, but it is always best to say things right." + +"Yes, I will, but I was only supposing, supposing I didn't." + +At luncheon Diana cautioned Betty against swallowing a fish-bone. "You +might die, darling, if you did." + +"Then I shall swallow every single bone I can," announced Betty. + +"But, darling," said Diana, "why do you say that? You don't want to die. +You are quite happy, aren't you?" + +"Yes, I'm very happy, but I want to die, all the same." + +"Oh, darling, don't say that," said Diana; "there is a great deal for +you to do in this world before you die." + +"Yes, but you see, darling," said Betty, "if I don't die soon, I shall +be too old to sit on Jesus' knee." + +Diana is very particular about the children's manners, and Hugh came +face to face with a great difficulty a moment later, over his ginger +beer. "If I don't say I thank you, mother doesn't like it, and if I do +say I thank you, Bindon stops pouring." + + + + +Chapter VI + + +In answer to a really desperate telegram from Zerlina, I left Hames +hurriedly, and arrived at Zerlina's, to find her out and all the +children apparently well. I was shown upstairs into the drawing-room. In +Diana's house I am never "shown" anywhere; however, in Zerlina's I am, +so it is no use discussing that question. The drawing-room into which I +was shown was empty of furniture except for the sofas and chairs which +were arranged round the room against the wall. As Zerlina's room does +not err as a rule on the side of emptiness, I realized that there was +going to be a party. I felt like the child who said, "There's been a +wedding, I smell rice!" One knows these things by instinct. + +The butler solemnly informed me that there was going to be a party, and +that Miss Hyacinth would be down in a moment. + +I thought it odd that Zerlina should have said nothing about a party; +but then she never says anything about measles, or whooping-cough, or +re-painting rooms, until I am within the doors and unable to escape. I +remembered she had urged me on this occasion to come early. I sat down +on a sofa and sadly fixed my gaze on the parquet floor. How different +had been my arrival at Hames! My conscience smote me. I had no train, no +cooking stove, no woolly rabbit in my box. But then neither was there +a Hugh, Betty, and Sara. At Hames should I have sat in the drawing-room? +Never! Of course I know what some people will say: that it is my fault; +if I had treated the children as I treated Betty, Hugh, and Sara, it +would have made all the difference; but it wouldn't, really. It is, the +mother of the children who makes the difference; it is her attitude to +the aunt which is adopted by the children. If Diana had been out, +the house would have resounded with shrieks for Aunt Woggles. But in +Zerlina's house children never shriek, people never rush to the nursery. +The children are always tidied before they are brought down to see me. + +Of course some people will again say, "Quite right"; and it is quite +right that for such people they should be tidied; but do those people +realize what a wall tidiness builds between child and grown-up? Have +they ever thought what a boy feels when his mother comes down to see him +at school and the first thing she does when he comes into the room is +to say that his collar is dirty, or that his hands want washing? At +that moment, perhaps, she lays the first brick in the wall which builds +between mother and son. He is a happy boy and she a blessed mother who +stand always with no wall between them. All a boy demands of his mother +when she comes to see him at school is that she shall behave just +like other people, and that she shall dress properly. If she can be +beautiful, so much the better: it will redound enormously to his credit. +Boys are very sensitive about their belongings, but when praise can +be bestowed they bestow it, as in the case of Tommy, who wrote to his +father, who had been down to the school to play in a match, Fathers +against Sons, "Dear father, you did look odd, but you made the second +biggest score." + +While I was pondering over these things, the door opened and my niece +Hyacinth came in. + +"Hullo!" she said; "mum's out." + +"So I hear," I said; "won't you kiss me?" + +"Oh! I forgot," she said, twirling round on one leg and holding out a +cheek to be kissed. "There's going to be a party to it." + +"So I see," I said; "what sort of a party?" + +"Oh! it's the end-up of the dancing class, four to seven; that's why mum +asked you to come early." + +"She isn't in yet?" I asked innocently. + +"Oh! she's not coming," said Hyacinth, raising her eyebrows and +laughing; "she always has something to do on dancing days. The Frauleins +get on her nerves. They sit all round the room." + +And Hyacinth indicated the position of the Frauleins with a sweep of her +arm. + +"What time is it now?" I asked. + +"Half past three," she said; "I'm ready." + +"I'm not," I said savagely. + +I went upstairs, vowing vengeance on Zerlina. I could have shaken +Hyacinth, poor child, and why? Because her legs were too long, or her +skirts too short, or the bow in her hair too large? What a disagreeable, +cross-grained professional aunt I was! Or did I miss the hug Hyacinth +might have given me? + +I was only just ready when the children began to arrive. I flew +downstairs and found not only children in every shape and form, but +mothers in big hats and trailing skirts, and Frauleins in small hats and +skirts curtailed, mademoiselles and nannies. The nannies I handed over +to the nursery department, and the mothers and the Frauleins and the +mademoiselles I arranged in a dado round the room, making inappropriate +remarks to each in turn. No surprise was expressed at the absence of +Zerlina. + +The children began to dance. There was a particularly painstaking little +boy in a white silk shirt and black velvet knickerbockers, very tight in +places, who danced assiduously, looking neither to the right nor to the +left. "Right leg, To-mus, left leg, To-mus!" came in stentorian tones +from a Fraulein in the corner, who suited her actions to her words by +the uplifting of the leg corresponding to that recommended to Tomus's +consideration, and bringing it down with emphasis on the parquet floor. + +By the sudden quickening of leg-action on the part of my painstaking +friend, I knew him to be Tomus, and by that only, so many of the boys +looked as if they might be Tomus. The real Tomus asserted himself +manfully, however, by using the exactly opposite leg to that ordered by +Fraulein. I liked this spirit of independence, and determined to make +friends with him so soon as that dance should be over. I took the +liberty of introducing myself; he made no remark but took me by the hand +and led me out on to the landing, and there he found two chairs in the +orthodox position. Into one of these he wriggled himself by a backward +and upward movement, and I sat in the other. How absurdly easy it is for +a grown-up to sit down! I waited for Thomas to make a remark; I might be +waiting still, if I had not made a beginning. He looked at me under his +eyelashes, and tried not to smile. It was an effort, I could see, and I +could tell just where the dimples would come. When the effort became too +great and the dimples asserted themselves beyond recall, he looked +away and put out a minute portion of his tongue. Having done that, he +subsided into grave self-possession. + +I began to feel embarrassed, and asked him how old he was. He smiled. +"Do you like dancing, Thomas?" I said. + +He looked away, and every time I addressed him he seemed to retreat +farther into his chair, until I had fears that he would disappear +altogether from my sight. His waist-line seemed to be the +vanishing-point. I made no further effort, and relapsed into silence. +Thomas continued to gaze at me and smile. At last he extended a fat +little hand, uncurled one by one four soft little fingers, and revealed, +lying in his palm, a short screw. It was evidently his greatest +treasure, for the moment. + +"Is that for me, Thomas?" I asked. "Nope," he said, shaking his head. + +"Is it your very own?" + +"Yeth," said Thomas, drawing in his breath. He shut his little hand, put +out his tongue just the smallest bit, and became serious and silent. + +"Is it a present?" I asked. Having got so far, it seemed a pity not +to go on. He had done me the greatest honor that a small boy can do a +woman, which, by the way, was what our Nannie said when she told us that +a strange man had proposed to her on a penny steamboat. + +Thomas shook his head and said, "Nope." + +"Did you find it?" I asked. + +He nodded. "I always find fings," he said. + +Beyond that I could get nothing out of him. I have not often sat out +with a more embarrassing partner. To be continually stared at and +never spoken to would, I think, make the boldest woman shy. There was +a stolidity about Thomas that promised well for England's future. There +was a steady resistance from attack that was really admirable; but I was +not altogether sorry when Fraulein pounced upon him. As she led him off +I heard him say, "Parties do last a long time, don't they, Leilein?" + +Having lost Thomas, I sought a new partner. A tall, fair girl with +wide, gray eyes, a pink-and-white complexion, a beautiful mouth, and a +delicately refined nose, interested me, as I imagine she has continued +to do every one who has met her. She reminded me of spring, with birds +singing and flowers flowering and trees bursting, just as Diana does. +As it was quite the correct thing for girls to dance with one another, I +made so bold as to ask her for a dance. With the timidity of a boy just +out of Etons, or perhaps I should say, of a shy boy just out of Etons, I +approached her. "Right-o," she said, "let's see." + +She puckered her penciled eyebrows and studied her program. "The third +after the two next?" + +She bowed gravely, and I said, "Thank you." I felt very young and +inexperienced as I returned the bow. + +"That's all right," she said. "Where shall I find you? It doesn't +matter, I shall know you again"; and she had the audacity to write on +her program, for I saw her do it, "white dress, red hair." + +She was borne off by a triumphant boy, who looked at me as much as to +say, "You're jolly well sold if you think you are going to nab this +dance." + +I asked a hungry-looking boy with many freckles who she was. "Oh! that's +Dolly," he said; "she is a flyer, isn't she?" + +"Dolly who?" I asked. + +"Oh! just Dolly; that does." He looked away, looked back, hesitated, +and swallowed. I, feeling that he perhaps needed the assistance a man +sometimes requires of a woman, encouragement, smiled at him. + +"You wouldn't dance this, I suppose?" he said. + +"Certainly," I answered. + +We danced. He was a nice boy, very much in earnest, very much afraid of +tiring me, very much afraid of letting me go, too shy to stop, until I +suggested it, for which act of consideration he seemed grateful. + +He told me he had five brothers, all older than himself; that he never +had new trousers, always the other boys' cut down; that he liked school; +wanted a bicycle more than anything in the world--of his very own, of +course; wanted a pony of his very own; wanted a dog of his very own. He +hadn't anything of his very own. + +I said I supposed he thought his eldest brother very lucky. + +"Because of the trousers?" he asked. + +I said, "Well, yes, I suppose he has the new ones." + +"Well," he said, "you see he doesn't. That's the chowse of the whole +thing. He is the eldest, but you see Dick's the biggest, so he gets the +new trousers. It is hard, isn't it?" + +I said it was indeed. + +"The best of it is," he said, "I am catching jackup. He is in an awful +wax. I shouldn't be surprised if I were bigger than him next holidays. +Do you like dancing? I simply loathe it--not with you, I don't mean I." + +He told me many other confidences, and I was really sorry when he +remembered, with an evident pang, that he had to dance with that "rum +little kid over there." + +I was quite certain that he would never break a promise. I could picture +him going through life always keeping promises, rashly made, no doubt. +I wondered what he would talk to girls about at dances years +hence--trousers? Hardly. By that time he would have trousers of his very +own, and they would cease, in consequence, to be things of interest. + +He would be a soldier--of that I could have no doubt. He was the kind of +boy England wants and can still get, thank God! say pessimists what they +will. + +While I was awaiting my Dolly dance, I came upon a small, disconsolate +boy. + +"I'm looking for an empty partner," he said. + +I captured a passing girl, very small, and they danced away together. +The boy I could see was very energetic, the girl was very small and fat. +As they passed me I heard her say, "I--can't--go--so--fast!" + +"Very sorry," said the small boy, "but I must keep up with the music." + +Dolly found me. "I think I had better dance gentleman," she said; "I +think I am as tall as you." With a tremendous effort she drew her slim +figure to its full height, and, gazing up into my face she had the +audacity to say, "Yes, I do just look down upon you; anyhow, men +aren't always taller than girls. My cousin says so, and she goes to +dances--heaps--and she is six foot." + +We started off, I felt at once, on a perilous course. "You see," she +said, "I had better--steer--because" (bump we went into somebody), +"because--I dance once a week--always" (crash), "sometimes oftener--so +I get--plenty of practice" (bang) "in steering, and that helps. I love +dancing--don't you? Oh, that's all right--it's--only--the stupid--old +mantelpiece--I always go into that--it sticks out so--doesn't it? It is +hard--rather!" + +Dolly was a flyer and no mistake. I was brought to a standstill at last +by colliding with Thomas's Fraulein. + +"It's all right," said Dolly generously, "you didn't hurt us!" + +Fraulein was hurled on to a sofa and made no remark. She gave up +temporarily the management of Thomas's left leg. + +"Shall we sit out?" said Dolly. "It is hot, isn't it?" + +She fanned herself with a very small program and tossed her hair back +from her face. It was such lovely hair. + +"Hair is beastly stuff, isn't it?" she said. "Wouldn't you love to be +a boy? Oh, I promised mother not to say I 'beastly'; that's one of the +things I would like to be a boy for, because boys may do such an awful +lot of things." + +I soon found out that Dolly liked boys better than girls. + +She loved horses and dogs. + +She hated and detested bearing-reins. + +She didn't want to come out. + +She thought grown-ups silly, except some-- + +She loved the country and strawberry ice. + +She hated dull lessons, and I very soon discovered that there were none +other than dull. + +She collected stamps. + +She longed to have a pet monkey or a brother, she didn't much mind +which. + +At the mention of brothers I looked down at Dolly's slim legs, clothed +in fine black silk stockings, at the valenciennes lace on her muslin +frock, and I imagined that if she had any brothers, the younger ones +would be quite likely to have started life in trousers of their own. +Yes, Dolly looked like it. I learned a great deal from her in the time +it had taken me to get "yeth" and "nope" out of Thomas. + +The energetic boy who had been obliged to keep up with the music at all +costs, the little fat girl's in particular, came up to me, and said in +an aggrieved voice, "Miss Daly has spoilt my program; she can't write, +and she has written big D's all over it. Will you write me out a fresh +one?" + +Which I, of course, did. Really it was very careless of Miss Daly. + +The children danced hard, with intervals for tea and refreshment; and +as seven o'clock struck, there was a transformation scene. With +conscientious punctuality the party-dressed children turned, into little +or big woolen bundles, as the case might be. The last bundle I saw was a +pink woolen one, weeping bitterly. My heart was wrung. The noisy crying +of a child is bad enough, but when it is the soft weeping of a broken +heart, it is unbearable. Of course it was my friend Thomas. I stood on +the staircase unable to do anything, for he was quickly borne from the +arms of Fraulein by a big footman, and no doubt deposited in a brougham +in the outer darkness. Poor Thomas! + +I hoped that the right sort of mother would be at home to unroll that +pink bundle, a mother who would pretend that it could not be her darling +who was crying, but a strange little boy with a face quite unknown to +her. Where could he have come from? And so on, until Thomas would be +ashamed to be seen with a strange face, and would smile, and then his +mother would say, "What is it, my darling?" because, of course, it was +her own darling who was crying, and she would never rest till she knew +why. + +I went back to the drawing-room quite happy that Thomas should be +unrolled by the right sort of mother, and as I walked across the room, +my foot slipped on something. I looked to see what it was I had trodden +on. It was a short screw, Thomas's precious possession. "That was why +the poor pink bundle was crying!" + +"Hyacinth," I said, "who was Thomas?" + +"Which one? There was little Thomas and the Thomas who lives a long way +off, and then just plain Thomas." + +"I mean the fat little Thomas who danced so hard." + +"Oh! that's the little Thomas," said Hyacinth. + +"Where does he live?" I asked. + +"Oh, quite close; when we go to tea there we walk. He hasn't got a +mother, so there's no drawing-room. She died," added Hyacinth, as if it +was an every-day occurrence that Thomas should be left without a mother, +instead of its being a heart-breaking tragedy. A child with no mother, +no mother to unwrap the pink bundle, no mother to grieve for the screw, +no mother to understand things. Perhaps his mother had been a Diana sort +of mother. + +"Oh, Thomas," I thought, "I must send you back your screw." I didn't +care what any one said--he should have it. + +If he had had a mother, it wouldn't have mattered, because she would +have known it was a screw he had lost, and she would have known just +what comfort he would have needed; whereas a Fraulein would know nothing +about a screw, beyond the German for it, and the gender, of course. And +of what use is that to a child? It may sound very unconventional, and I +suppose it was so, to go to a strange house and ask for Thomas, and my +only excuse a small screw. But still I went! + +I pictured a lonely child in a large house with a Fraulein and a nurse, +perhaps two; those I could face. A tall, sad father I had never thought +of! I am afraid I am not suited for the profession, I am too impulsive. + +I rang the bell. The door was opened by a solemn man-servant, who did +not show the surprise he must have felt when I asked for Master Thomas. +Another, still more solemn, showed me into a downstairs room. I refused +to give my name, and a very large, serious Thomas rose from a chair as I +was ushered in, "A lady to see Master Thomas." So my errand was in part +explained, but the part left to tell was by far the most difficult. If +only Thomas had lost anything but a screw! No father could be expected +to know how it had been treasured. Supposing Thomas had been crying +because he had a pain, which sometimes comes to children after tea? +Supposing he hadn't been crying for his screw at all? Supposing he +repudiated all knowledge of it? + +But here I was, screw in hand, and my story to tell. I told it. I was +grateful to the tall, sad Thomas for being so solemn, and not even +smiling, when I mentioned the screw. He said he was very grateful for my +kindness, and he went so far as to say he was sure Thomas had valued the +screw. + +While some one was coming, for whom he had rung, he told me that when he +had taken Thomas to the Zoo, the only thing which he was really excited +about was the mouse in the elephant's house! Somehow or other that +little story put me at my ease, for it showed that the big Thomas at +least understood in part the mind of a child. + +A nurse, not sad-looking I was glad to see, came in answer to the bell, +and the big Thomas asked if the little Thomas had lost a screw? In that +I was disappointed, the best nurse in the world might not know of a +screw. But the big Thomas did not wait to hear; he was sure the little +Thomas had, and he said we were coming upstairs to restore it to him. Of +course I had said by this time that I was Zerlina's sister-in-law. + +We went upstairs, I following the tall Thomas, past the drawing-room, +past that bedroom whose door I knew was closed. A mother's bedroom is +nearly always in the same place in a London house, a child blindfolded +could find it, and the handle of a mother's door is always within the +reach of the smallest child; and so easily does it turn, that the door +opens at the slightest pressure of the smallest fingers. + +Up we went to Thomas's own bedroom. There in his bed he sat, no longer +crying, but still sad and solemn, with evidences in his face of a sorrow +that rankled. He smiled when he saw me, too much of a gentleman to show +any surprise at seeing me in his bedroom. + +"Thomas," I said, "I have brought you back your screw which you lost." I +put it in his outstretched hand, and a smile rippled all over his face. + +Suddenly from out the darkness came a stentorian voice, "Right hand, +Tomus!" It was Fraulein! Thomas put out his right hand, and I, putting +aside all convention, gave him a real "Sara hug" for the sake of that +mother whose door was closed. It then began to dawn upon me how very +unconventional it was of me to be hugging a comparatively strange child, +in a perfectly strange house, and I hastily said good-night to the +small Thomas and the big Thomas, nurses and Fraulein, and literally ran +downstairs, followed of course by the big Thomas. At the foot of the +stairs I ran into the arms of Mr. Dudley. + +His exclamation of "Aunt Woggles" was involuntary, I felt sure, and he +had every right to visit a sad, tall Mr. Thomas. But I thought Diana +ought to have told me that I was likely to meet him at--Well, a +stranger's house; so how could she? The only thing that consoled me was +that in all probability Mr. Dudley would explain my profession in +life, and that I had a screw loose. Yes, that would exactly explain the +position. Otherwise I didn't exactly know how he could describe me. + +Well, Zerlina of course said I was mad. She didn't agree with me that +the screw could not possibly have been sent back in an envelope with a +few words of explanation. She said she would have bought a nice toy for +the child. What's the good of a toy to a child when he has lost a screw +which he found his very own self, any more than a squeaking rabbit is +to a child who has a "lubbly blush"? That was a lesson I had lately +learned. + +I didn't say all that to Zerlina, because, you see, she is a mother, and +I couldn't understand these things. She was very much surprised at being +late for the party, so surprised. She was full of apologies. + +It was so good of me to help her! Had the darling children enjoyed +themselves? + +I said, yes, they had, and the adorable mothers, and the delicious +Frauleins, and the heavenly mademoiselles. At this Zerlina looked a +little pained, and I was sorry I was cross, but I felt her want of +sympathy for Thomas. But then she had never passed that closed door. + + + + +Chapter VII + + +As a professional aunt must live somewhere, if only to simplify the +delivery of telegrams, it is as well perhaps to explain where I live and +why. The answer to the where, is London, and to the why, because it +is the best place for all professionals to live in. Many were the +suggestions that I should live in the country. Careful relatives and +good housewives saw a chance of cheap and fresh eggs, cheap and large +chickens, and cheap and freshly gathered vegetables, which showed, in +the words of Dr. Johnson, a triumph of hope over experience, for I have +always found that there are no eggs so dear as those laid by the hens of +friends, no chickens so thin as those kept by relatives, no vegetables +so expensive as those grown by acquaintances. But a professional aunt +would of course be expected to make special terms, although her hens, +like those of other people, would eat corn, and railways would charge +just the same for carrying her goods, whether they were consigned to +sisters-in-law or not, and the expense of the carriage is the reason +invariably given why things are so dear when bought from friends. +Friends, too, have a way of sending chickens with their feathers on, +whereas the chickens one knows by sight, laid in rows in poulterers' +shops, have no association with feathers. Don't you dislike the country +friend who asks you to spend a night, and then tells you at breakfast +that the pillow you slept on was filled with the feathers of departed +hens known and loved by her? + +Then there was Nannie, and my living in London added a great importance +to her position. She became at once chaperon, housekeeper, counselor, +and friend. It was a great joy to her to think that she shielded me +from the dangers of London; and she would willingly have fetched me +from dinners and parties generally, and saw nothing incongruous in the +announcement, "Miss Lisle's nurse is at the door." + +"Not that I should be at the door," said Nannie; "I never go anywhere +but what I am asked inside and treated as such." Nannie still thinks of +us as children, and will continue to do so, no doubt until she who has +rocked so many babies to sleep shall herself be enfolded in the arms of +Mother Earth--and tenderly bidden to sleep. + +Personally I had a leaning toward a flat, so many of my friends told me +of the joys of shutting it up when one goes away, which, by the way, I +find they never, or very rarely, do. But Nannie didn't hold with flats. +It is curious what things people don't hold with. After reading of a +terrible murder in a railway carriage, I cautioned my little housemaid, +who was going home one Sunday, to be careful not to be thrown out of +a window. She replied, "I don't hold with girls who are thrown out of +windows." + +Well, Nannie didn't hold with flats. To please me and to show her +open-mindedness, she went with me to look at flats, but there was a +tactless integrity about her criticism. I discovered that she judged of +everything from a nursery point of view; and when I ventured to suggest +that, as there were no children, a nursery was not of very great +importance, she said, "You never can tell." In this instance I felt I +could most distinctly tell, and wondered whether I might too tell Nannie +of something I didn't hold with. But I didn't. I remember once long ago +one of us asking Nannie if any one could have children without being +married, and Nannie answered in a very matter of fact voice, "They can, +dear, but it's better not." Anyhow, she didn't hold with flats. "There's +the porters for one thing," she said. That, of course, settled it, and +we looked at small houses. + +"I suppose you will get married one of these days," she said, as we +stood on a doorstep waiting to be let in. + +"Perhaps no one will have me," I said. + +"Well, they might; people marry you least expect to. Look at Maria +Dewberry; you would never have--" + +The door opened, or we will presume so, as my knowledge of Maria's +movements after her surprising marriage is nil. + +Looking over houses is not without excitement, and certainly not without +surprises; but I was spared the experience some unknown person had who +came one day to see our house when we all lived in London, but happened +to be away. Having a house in the country, we very often did let the +London house, which accounts for the agent's mistake. + +One day, just as Archie was going out, he found on the doorstep a +charming lady with a very pretty daughter. + +"May we see over the house?" she asked. + +"Certainly," said Archie. + +He showed them all over the house, from cellar to garret. He says he +initiated them into the mysteries of the dark cupboard, and he says he +showed them everything of historic interest in the family. The daughter, +he vows, was tremendously interested. When they had seen everything and +Archie had brought them back to the hall, the charming mother said, "And +when is the house to let?" + +"Oh! it's not to let," said Archie. + +He says he assured them it was no trouble at all, etc.! + +In every small house we went, Nannie trudged laboriously up to the +top, and I heard her murmuring, "Night, day," as she went backward and +forward, from one room to the other. At last we found a small house in +Chelsea of which she thoroughly approved. She couldn't exonerate the +agent from all blame in saying that there were views of the river from +the window. "Not but what there might be if we, leaned out far enough, +but we can't because of the bars." It was the very bars that had +attracted her in the first instance, from the outside. Bars meant a +nursery. Iron bars may not make a cage, but they undoubtedly make a +nursery. + +She stood at the top window and looked out on the green trees, and a +blackbird was obliging enough, at that very moment, to sing a love-song. +Perhaps it was about nurseries, and Nannie understood it; at all events +she decided there and then to take the house. "Of course," she said, "I +know there's no nursery wanted, but I don't hold with houses that can't +have nurseries in them, if they want to." That gave me an idea! It came +like a flash. Nannie should have her nursery! + +Of course this all happened some years ago, when the home at Hames was +broken up. With the help of Diana I managed it beautifully. It was kept +a dead secret. Diana collected, or rather allowed me to collect, all the +things Nannie had specially loved in the home nursery, which I am sure +cost Diana a pang, as she was very anxious her children should abide by +tradition and grow up among the things their father had loved as a boy; +but she sent them all, even the rocking-horse, to me for my nursery. + +The walls I had papered just as our nursery had been papered. Even the +old kettle was rescued from oblivion, and stood on the hob. It was +so old that any jumble sale would have been pleased to have it. The +kettle-holder hung on the wall, with its cat on a green ground, which +had been lovely in the day of its youth. One of us had worked it; Nannie +of course knew which. The tea-set was there with its green, speckled +ground. + +But while all this was being arranged, Nannie had a very bad time. It +was not for long, certainly, but she said it was pretty bad while it +lasted. To insure the complete secrecy of our nursery plan, we arranged +that she should go to Hames while we were doing it all, never thinking +of what she would feel on going into the Hames nursery and finding all +her treasures gone, and finding another woman reigning in her place; for +all through our grown-up years the nursery had been left for Nannie as +it had been when we were children. The nurse in her place hurt most. + +"'Mrs.' here and 'Mrs.' there, certificated and teaching. It's all very +well, but I'm not sure they don't go too far in this teaching business. +No amount of teaching will--Well, it's there, so what's the use? I +expect Eve knew how to handle Cain right enough." + +"He wasn't very well brought up, though, Nannie," I said. + +"Poor child!" said Nannie. "How do we know it wasn't Abel's fault? He +may have been an aggravating child; some are born so, and I've seen a +child, many a time, go on at another till he's almost worried him +into a frenzy just saying, 'I see you,' over and over again, does +it sometimes. Children will do it, of course; besides, there were no +commandments then, and you can't expect children to do right without +rules and regulations. That's all discipline is, rules and regulations, +which is commandments, so to speak." + +"You think, then, Nannie," I said, "that Eve forgot to tell Cain not to +kill Abel?" + +"Well," said Nannie, "Eve had a lot to do; we can't blame her. She must +have had a lot to do. Think what a worry Adam must have been: he had no +experience, no nothing; he couldn't be a help to a woman, brought up as +he was, always thinking of himself as first, as of course he was! Now, +there's Parker--he is a good husband: he rolls the beef on Sunday to +save Mrs. Parker trouble, and prepares the vegetables; he is a good +husband, no trouble in the house whatsoever. He never brings in dirt, +Mrs. Parker says, wipes his feet ever so before he comes, on the finest +day just the same." + +I thought the comparison a little hard on Adam, but still I didn't say +so, and Nannie reverted to the modern nurse, after informing me that men +and horses were sacred beasts! + +"Well, about nurses, 'Mrs.' before a nurse's name doesn't soothe a +fretful child, nor make her more patient or loving. It might make her +less patient, if she took to wishing the 'Mrs.' was real instead of +sham; some women are like that, all for marrying. I dare say," said +Nannie, when going over her experiences, "my face did look blank when I +missed all my treasures, but f said nothing, although it was a blow when +I thought of all the lovely times you had had with that rocking-horse. +You remember the hole in it? Well, that was cut out solid because of all +the things that were inside that rocking-horse; almost all the things +that had been lost for years we found in that horse. My gold chain, for +one thing, to say nothing of other things. The tail came out, and that +is how the things got lost. The boys, always up to mischief, just popped +anything they came across down that hole and put in the tail again, so +no one knew anything about it. Well, then, your father lost something +very special, I forget what, and there was a to-do! And Jane said she +believed there was a power of things down that rocking-horse, so we got +Jane's sister's young man, who was a carpenter, or by way of being, +to come and cut out a square block out of the underneath--well, the +stomach--of that horse--and then we found things! Things we had lost +for years. Then we put the block back, and no one would have noticed +particularly, not unless they had looked. Well, that's what I missed, +the rocking-horse, but still I said nothing. Then we had tea out of new +cups, and still I said nothing, because tea-cups will get broken, and +you can't expect young girls to take care of cups like we did. The +kettle-holder was gone! Then Mrs. David came in. Oh! she is lovely and +like your mother in some ways,--the ways of going round and speaking +to every one,--and she laid her hand on Betty's head, just as I've seen +your mother do a hundred times on yours, and that was hard to bear. +Anyhow, it's a good thing it wasn't some one else who got Hames. There +'s that to be thankful for. It begins with 'Z,' you know." + +"Nannie!" I said. + +"Z for Zebra," said Nannie. + +When the new nursery was all ready, Nannie was sent for. A dozen times +that day I ran up that narrow staircase, and in the morning I laid the +tea to see how it would look, and it looked so pretty that I left it. +At four o'clock the fire was lighted and the kettle was put on to boil. +Nannie drove up in a four wheeler. I was in the hall to meet her. +She lingered to look at everything. She went round and round the +dining-room, up to the drawing-room, even into the spare room, but no +word of nursery. "Which is my room?" she said. + +"It's upstairs," I said. "Won't you come and look at it?" + +"There's no hurry, is there, miss?" + +I could see it was the nursery floor she dreaded. + +"Well, there is rather a hurry, Nannie," I said. "I am so anxious to see +if you like all the house." + +At last I got her upstairs. I threw open the nursery door. It was too +sudden, no doubt. At the sight of the kettle, the rocking-horse, the +tea-set, she burst into tears. + +"Dear, dear Nannie," I said, "it is your own nursery; it's all from +Hames." + +She paused in her sobs. "The robin mug's wrong," she said, and she +moved it to the opposite side of the table; "he always sat there." "He" +applied to a little brother who had died, not to the mug. + +"It's a very small nursery, Nannie," I said apologetically. + +"Well, there are no children to make it untidy," she answered. + +So Nannie and I settled down in our nursery, and through the darkening +of that first evening she talked to me of my mother. It seems to me very +wonderful how one woman can so devotedly love the children of another, +but was it not greatly for the love of that other woman that Nannie +loved us so much? It is her figure, I know, that Nannie sees when she +shuts her eyes and re-peoples the nursery in her dreams,--that lovely +mother, the center of that nursery and home; that mother so quick to +praise, so loath to blame, so ready to find good in everything, so +tender to suffering, so pitiful to sin! + +"Tell me about her when she was quite young, Nannie," I said. + +And Nannie talked on, telling me the stories I knew by heart and loved +so dearly; and then, I remember, she started up. + +"What is it, Nannie?" I asked. + +"I thought she was calling," she replied; "I often seem to hear her +voice." + +Dear Nannie! I believe she is ready to answer that call at any moment, +for all the love of her new nursery. + +That is how I came to live in London. + + + + + +Chapter VIII + + +Most people, I imagine, who live in London are asked by their relatives +and friends who live in the country to shop for them. My post is often + nothing more upsetting than on a very hot summer's morning, or a wet +winter's one, to find an envelope on my plate, or beside it, addressed +in Cousin Anastasia's large handwriting. "Dearest," the letter inside +it begins, "if" (heavily underlined) "you should be passing Paternoster +Row, will you choose me a nice little prayer-book, without a cross +on it, please; people tell me they are cheaper there than elsewhere, +prayer-books, I mean, for Jane, who is going to be confirmed. She +is such a nice clean girl. I do hope she will be as clean after her +confirmation, but one never can tell. In any case I feel I ought to give +her something, and a prayer-book, under the circumstances, seems the +most suitable thing." + +Jane, I remember, is a kitchen-maid. Of course I never pass Paternoster +Row, but that to a country cousin of Anastasia's mental caliber is not +worth consideration. She has no knowledge of geography, London's or +otherwise, and is doubtless one of those people who think New Zealand is +another name for Australia. + +On another occasion she writes to say that Martha, the head housemaid, +"such an excellent servant," (all heavily under lined), who has been +with them seventeen years, is going to marry a nice, clean widower with +six children. She must give her a nice present; "nice" is underlined +several times. She has heard that in the Edgeware Road there are to be +had, complete in case, for three-and-sixpence, excellent clocks. She +doesn't know the name of the shop, but she believes it begins with "P," +and if I could look in as I pass, she would be most grateful. As will be +guessed, Anastasia is a wealthy woman with no sense of humor. She knows +she has none, and she says she doesn't know what rich people want it +for. Of course for poor people it is an excellent thing, because it +enables them to look at the bright side of things; but as Anastasia's +things, life in particular, are bright on all sides, she doesn't need +that particular sense. + +Then there is another country cousin she is so sweet and diffident about +asking me to do anything, that I feel I ought willingly to look into +every shop window in the Edgeware Road beginning with "P" or any other +letter, however wet or hot the day! And I am not sure that I wouldn't! +Her writing is as meek as Anastasia's is aggressive, and she never +descends to the transparency of an underlined "if." She says, would I +mind sending her a book, called so-and-so, by such and such an author, +price so much? It is all plain sailing with Cousin Penelope. She knows +just what she wants and where to get it; so much so that I sometimes +wonder why she doesn't send straight to the shop. But country cousins +never do that; for wherein would lie the use of London cousins, if they +didn't shop for their country cousins? How would they occupy their time? +She would like me please to get it at Bumpus's, because they are so +very civil and they knew her dear father. I might mention his name if I +thought fit! Now, I know quite well that it is impossible that any +one at Bumpus's, be he ever so venerable, can ever have known Cousin +Penelope's father. The name, being Smith, may no doubt be familiar. Of +course Cousin Penelope would repay any expense I incurred. In fact she +must insist on so doing. + +"Insist" seems too strong a word to apply to any power that Cousin +Penelope could enforce. It would be something so gentle; persistent, +perhaps, but insistent? Never! "I beg, I implore, I entreat," would all +be suitable, but "I insist" does not suggest Cousin Penelope. + +Dear Cousin Penelope, we are told, had a love-story in her youth, the +sadness of which ruined her life. It must have been a very beautiful +thing, that sorrow, to have made her what she is. One feels that it +must be a very wonderful love that is laid away in the wrappings of +submission and tied with the ribbons of resignation. There is assuredly +no bitterness about it, and I sometimes wonder if one's own sorrow +which tears and tugs at one's heart will some day leave such a record +of holiness and patience on one's face! I am afraid not. I look in the +glass, but I see nothing in the reflection which in the least resembles +Cousin Penelope, nor can I believe that time will do it, nor am I brave +enough to wish it. I cannot yet pray for a peace like hers. People say +time can do everything, but + + "Time is + Too slow for those who wait, + Too swift for those who fear, + Too long for those who grieve, + Too short for those who rejoice, + But for those who love Time is + Eternity." + +So it is written on a sun-dial I know, and when I have a sun-dial of my +own, those words shall be written thereon. + +I think time lies heavily sometimes on Hugh's hands. He said one day, +"The days pass by, Betty, and we don't grow up!" + +To return to booksellers. There is "Truslove and Hanson" in my more or +less immediate neighborhood, who are civil to a degree, but they did +not know Cousin Penelope's father, therefore they are not specially +qualified to sell a book to his daughter! So to Bumpus I must go, and +I love it. A bookshop is a joy to me; the feel of books, the smell of +books, the look of books, I love! I even enjoy cutting the pages of a +book, which I believe every one does not enjoy. + +Then there is another country cousin, Pauline. When her letter comes, +I open it with mixed feelings, in which the feeling of fondness +predominates. One can't help loving her. She never asks one to shop for +her, but with her, which is perhaps an even greater test of friendship. +On a particularly hot day, I remember, a letter came from Pauline which +announced her immediate arrival. I was, waiting in the hall for her, +ready to start, which is a stipulation she always makes, as she says +it is such a pity to waste time. She greeted me in the same rather +tempestuous manner that I am accustomed to at the hands of Betty and +Hugh, and then she ran down the steps again to tell the cabman that he +had a very nice horse, which she patted, and said, "Whoa, mare!" +She always does that. She then asked the cabman how long he had been +driving, whether it was difficult to drive at night, and whether it was +true he could only see his horse's ears; and I think she asked if he had +any children, but of that I am not quite sure. If she didn't, it was a +lapse of memory on her part. Even the cab-runner interested her. Hadn't +I noticed what a sad face he had? + +I said I hadn't noticed anything except that he was rather dirty. +Pauline said, "Of course he is dirty; what would you be, if you ran +after cabs all day?" I wondered. + +Talking of cab-runners, I told her of the children's party I went to +with Cousin Penelope, who, very much afraid that she was late, said in +her sweetest manner to a man who opened the cab-door for us, "Are we +late?" And the man answered, "I really cannot say, madam; I have only +just this moment arrived myself." + +He was in rags, which I did not tell her; the sponge cake would have +stuck in her throat at tea if I had. But I gave him something for his +ready wit, and wished for weeks afterwards that I had plunged into the +darkness after him. "What a charming man!" said Cousin Penelope. But to +return to Pauline. + +"What a glorious day we are going to have!" she said. "It is good of you +to say I may stay the night, and if I go to a ball, you won't mind? I +have brought a small box,--as you see." + +I did see, and to my mind its size bordered on indecency. I like a box +to look sufficiently large to take all I think a woman ought to need +for a night's stay. Pauline often assures me it does hold everything, +squashed tight, of course. I say it must be squashed very tight, and +she says it is. "That's the beauty of the present-day fashion of fluffy +things: everything is so easily squashed, and yet you can't squash them; +an accordion-pleated thing, for instance." + +To a man whose admiration for a woman is gauged by the amount of luggage +she can travel without, Pauline would prove irresistible. I know one who +prides himself on his packing, and who has a horror of much luggage. He +was all packed ready to go to Scotland, when his wife asked him if he +could lend her a collar-stud for her flannel shirts, and he said, "Yes, +but you must carry it yourself, I'm full up!" + +To that man Pauline, I am sure, would be very attractive. + +When Pauline and I started off on our shopping expedition, she demurred +at taking a hansom, although she loves driving in them; but she said +'buses were so much more amusing. "People in 'buses say such funny +things," she said, and so they do. The old lady in particular who, when +the horse got his leg over the trace without hurting himself or any one +else, got up and announced to the 'bus in general: "There, I always did +say I hated horses and dogs," and sat down again. I loved her for that +and for other things too, among them her apple-cheeks and poke bonnet. + +Another reason why I insisted upon a hansom is that Pauline is not to be +trusted in a 'bus; her interest in her fellow-creatures is embarrassing. +I have, moreover, sat opposite babies in 'buses with Pauline, and where +a baby is concerned, she has no self-control. So I was firm, and we +started off in a hansom. I was continually besought to look at some +delicious baby, first this side, then that. + +Pauline calmly avers that she would go mad if she lived in London. She +couldn't stand seeing so many beautiful children, or babies, beautiful +or otherwise. It is curious how babies in perambulators hold out their +hands to Pauline as she passes, and laugh and gurgle at her. + +Once in Piccadilly, beautiful babies became less plentiful, and Pauline +turned her thoughts and sympathies to horses and bearing-reins. She was +instantly plunged into the depths of despair. Couldn't I do something, +she asked, to remedy such a crying evil? She said it was the duty of +every woman in London--Something in the catalogue she was carrying +arrested her attention, and what it was the duty of every woman to do I +am not sure. I did not ask, but was grateful for the peace which ensued. + +Pauline was glad the sales were on. She loved them, and yet she didn't +like them, because she didn't think they brought out the best side of a +woman's character. "I think," she said, "a woman's behavior at sales is +a test, don't you?" + +I said I thought her behavior as regarded swing-doors was a surer one. +She said she hadn't thought of that. + +"But I know what you mean; I do dislike the flouncing, pushing woman. I +think every one should be taught to be courteous and gentle, don't you?" +She added, "I hate being pushed." + +I told her of a woman next me in a 'bus one day, who said, "You're +a-sittin' on me!" How I rose and politely begged her pardon, whereupon +she said, "Now you're a-standin' on me!" And we agreed that there is no +pleasing some people. + +Pauline returned to the perusal of the catalogue, in which she had put +a large cross against the picture of a coat and skirt. She said she was +stock-size. She didn't suppose any really smart women were. "Or would +own to it," I suggested, but she didn't answer; she never does if she +detects any savor of malice in a remark. She was very anxious I should +admire the illustration. I did, but I felt it my duty as a London cousin +to a country cousin to tell her that the illustration might lead her +to expect too much. She warmly agreed that of course as regarded the +figure, etc., the illustration was misleading, because she, of course, +could never look so beautifully willowy as that. She was inclined to +come out where the illustration went in, and she could never be so +slanty, never; but apart from that, of course the coat and skirt would +be exactly as it was pictured. Her figure would be to blame, of course. +Her figure happens to be a very pretty one, but she didn't give me +time to say so. I repeated that I should not put implicit faith in the +illustration. She was a little hurt. She did not think it right to cast +aspersions on the character of so respectable a firm as that whose name +headed the catalogue. I said I didn't see it quite in the same light. +Pauline looked at me reproachfully, and said drawing a lie was as bad as +telling one. + +The argument was beyond me; besides, I like Pauline to look +reproachfully at me, she is so pretty. Being as pretty as she +undoubtedly is, I often wonder why she is not more effective. + +The right kind of country beauty is very convincing to the jaded +Londoner; but to convince, one must be convinced, and that is exactly +what Pauline is not. She never thinks whether she is beautiful or not, +and I am sure it often lies with the woman herself, how beautiful people +think her, except in the rare cases of real beauty, when there can +be but one opinion. But in the case of ordinary beauty, the woman is +appraised at her own value. Then there is the art of putting on clothes, +of which Pauline is absolutely ignorant. There is even a studied +untidiness which passes under the name of picturesque. All of this is +a closed book to Pauline, and, after all, she is a delightful creature; +but the trouble to me was that, at the time she came up to shop with me, +she didn't wear good boots, and to do that I hold is part, or should be +part, of a woman's creed. She gets her boots from the village shoemaker +because his wife died. Her eyes filled with tears at the mere thought of +the man, and she told me she thought it right to encourage local talent. +In the boots I saw evidences of locality,--bumps, for instance,--but not +of talent. Pauline was very indignant and said she had no bumps on her +feet. "But you see my position?" I did, but I persuaded her to have some +good boots made in London. This she consented to do, rather unwillingly +and on the distinct understanding that in the country she should +continue to encourage local talent. "On wet days," I ventured. + +And at flower-shows, she added. + +I have seen Pauline in the country, against a background of golden beech +trees and brown bracken, look even beautiful; but in London she lacks +something, possibly the right background. She has glorious hair, but her +maid can't do it. Pauline admits it, but she says she can't send a nice +woman away on that account; besides, she suffers from rheumatism, and +Pauline's particular part of the country suits her better than any +other. + +"Couldn't she learn?" I suggested. + +"No, she can't," said Pauline. "She had lessons once, and she came back +and did my hair like treacle, all over my head,--no idea, absolutely. I +should never look like you, whatever I did." + +"My dear Pauline," I said, "what nonsense!" + +"It's not nonsense. Father was saying only the other day that you are a +beautiful creature, only no one seems to see it." + +"Dear Uncle Jim," I said; "how delightful, and how like him!" + +"But it's true you are beautiful; only the part about the people +not seeing it isn't true: that's father's way of putting it. You are +beautiful!" + +"My dear child!" + +"Why do you say 'dear child' to me? People would think you were years +and years older than I am. Why do you always talk as if life were over? +Have you a secret sorrow?" + +If Pauline, warm-hearted, loving Pauline had really thought I had, she +would have been the last person to ask such a question. + +"Do I look it?" I asked. + +"No-o. Only when people seem to spend the whole of their life in doing +things for other people, it makes one suspect that they are saying +to themselves, 'As we can't be happy ourselves, we can see that other +people are.'" + +"What a philosopher you are, Pauline! If you go on that supposition, you +must have a terrible sorrow somewhere hidden behind that happy face of +yours." + +Pauline is not meant to live in London. She thanks people in a crowd for +letting her pass. If she is pushed off the pavement, she is only sorry +that the person can be so rude as to do it. She never gets into a 'bus +or takes any vehicular advantage over a widow, and she feels choky if +she sees any one very old. "Do you know why?" she asked. "Because they +are, so near Heaven, and sometimes I think you see the reflection of it +in their faces." + +"Like Cousin Penelope," I said. + +We arrived at the shop where the coat and skirt were to be had, and +Pauline, having admired the horse and thanked the cabman, and the +commissionaire, who held his arm over a perfectly dry wheel, followed me +into the shop. She admired everything as she went through the different +departments, and apologized to the shop walkers for not being able to +buy everything; but she lived in the country, and although the things +were lovely, they would be no use to her--dogs on her lap most of the +day, and so on. + +Everyone looked at Pauline; and old ladies, to whom she always appeals +very much, put their heads on one side, as old ladies do when they +admire anything very much, anything which reminds them of their own +youth, and smiled. Old ladies have this privilege, that when they arrive +at a certain age, they are allowed to think they were beautiful in their +youth, and to tell you so. It is a recognized thing, and one of the +recompenses of old age. We all know that every one had a beautiful +grandmother--one at least; and if a portrait of one grandmother belies +the fact, then there is the other one to fall back upon, of whom, +unfortunately, no portrait exists, and she was abs--so--lute--lee +lovely! + +The coat and skirt were found and eagerly compared with the +illustration, and Pauline turned to me and said with a triumphant +ringing her voice: "It wasn't an exaggeration. I knew it wouldn't be. +Mother has dealt here for years." + +Then we went upstairs to try it on. In a few minutes Pauline had +discovered that the fitter was supporting her deceased sister's husband +and six children, the eldest of whom wasn't quite right and the youngest +had rickets. She was so distressed that she didn't want the back of her +coat altered, the woman already had so much to bear. But I prevailed +upon her to have the alteration made regardless of the woman's domestic +anxieties. I felt sure it would make no difference. But I cannot help +feeling that Pauline's visit to that shop did make a difference to that +poor woman, if only for a few moments in her life. And I think those +children's lives were made happier too; but it is difficult to get +Pauline to talk of these things. + +Then we went to the shoemaker, and Pauline told him all about the +widower bootmaker, and of her scruples about having boots made by any +one else. The bootmaker evidently thought that a foot like Pauline's was +worthy of a good boot and Pauline said there were occasions on which one +had to sink one's own feelings. She was scandalized at London prices, +and told the man so. "But of course it means higher pay for the men, so +it's all right." + +On our way home I said to Pauline that I couldn't understand why she was +so economical--ready-made coats and skirts, and afraid of paying a fair +price for good boots! Was her allowance smaller than it used to be? She +got pink and didn't answer. I determined she should, and at last she +did. + +"Well, you see, I pay a woman to come and wash the shoemaker's children +on Saturday evenings." + +I smiled. "That can't cost much, unless she provides the soap." + +Pauline got pinker still. "Well, I pay for the village nurse, and a few +other little things. Then there's a little baby," she dropped her voice, +"who has no mother--she died--and who never had a father, and every one +doesn't care for those sort of babies.--You do like my coat and skirt, +don't you?" + + + + +Chapter IX + + +I think, by the way, that it was on that very day that Mr. Dudley met +Pauline. She, of course, would know the exact date and hour, but I am +almost sure of it, for although it may mean a day of less ecstatic +joy to me than it does to her, it brought much peace and subsequent +happiness into my life, and therefore is writ in red letters in my book +of days. For the visits of Dick Dudley had latterly become more frequent +than I cared for, and much as I liked him, I began to wish that I +had remained in his estimation under the shadow of Diana's charming +personality, for so he had tolerated me until the fateful day on which I +had partaken of Betty's gray wad. That act of professional valor ignited +a spark of feeling for me in his breast, which, fostered by Hugh's +constant suggestion, sprang into something warmer than I could have +wished, and was fanned into flame on the day on which he found me paying +a visit of consolation to the small fat Thomas. Now, strangely enough, +that small fat person was nephew to Dick Dudley. How small the world is! +And the mother turned out to have been exactly the sort of mother I had +thought she must be. One of the nicest things about Dick Dudley was the +way he spoke of that sister, and we had long talks about her, until I +awoke to the fact that that sister and I must have been twins, so alike +were we; then I began to be afraid. For I couldn't tell him that there +was some one far away, for whom I was waiting from day to day. One +can hardly barricade one's self behind such an announcement. The +classification of women is incomplete. There are those who are engaged +and who care; there are those who are engaged and who don't care; there +are those who don't care and, who are not engaged; then there are those +who care and who are not engaged, so cannot say. It is not their +fault if, sometimes, they wound a passing lover. Mercifully there are +Pauline's in this world to relieve one of unsought affections, and I +liked Dick Dudley well enough, and not too much to be glad when I saw +him give ever such a small start when he walked into my drawing-room and +saw Pauline sitting there, clothed in cool green linen and looking her +very best. I had done her glorious hair on the top--that, I think is +the expression--and she sat in the window so that her hair shone like +burnished gold, and she was saying in a voice fraught with emotion, +"If I had my way, there should be no sorrow or suffering," which of all +sentiments was the most likely to appeal to Dick Dudley, for he is one +of those who look upon sorrow and suffering as bad management on the +part of some one, since the world is really such an awfully jolly place, +if only people didn't make a muddle of their lives. He says it is all +very well to talk of high ideals, you can't live up to them, the best +you can do is to live up to the highest practical ideal. But then his +standard of ideal is very much higher since he saw Pauline for the first +time. Pauline blushed when a strange man walked into the room, which was +all for the best, and made the day a happier one for me. Not that Dick +Dudley was not very loyal to me. He tried, I could see it was an effort +not to talk too much to Pauline, although the topic of bearing-reins, +under certain circumstances, was a very engrossing one, and spaniels a +never-ending one. Pauline expressed her surprise that Mr. Dudley should +ask her if she lived in London. + +"I thought every one could see I lived in the country," she said. "Did +you mean it for a compliment?" she asked kindly. + +Dick Dudley was a little overcome by this, and he said he would hardly +have dared to pay her a compliment, since every one knew that girls who +lived in the country away from bearing-reins and other hardening and +worldly influences, and in close proximity to spaniels, black, liver and +white, cocker, clumber, and otherwise, were so vastly superior to their +London sisters. Here Dick got a little deep and Pauline kindly rescued +him. + +"A compliment to my clothes, I meant," she said; "because all my friends +in London tell me my clothes are so countrified." + +Dick listened very, very seriously to the reasons why Pauline was +obliged to have most of her clothes made in the country, and I could see +that every moment he thought less of the importance of clothes and +their makers, and more and more of the qualities essential in woman, +simplicity, goodness, frankness, and an absence of artificiality. I saw +it all on his face, dawning slowly and surely. By the time we had had +tea, I could see it was a matter of mutual satisfaction to both Dick and +Pauline to find that they were going to the same dance that night. The +responsibility of chaperoning Pauline was not mine. + +My anxiety as to the ball dress emerging from the small box was relieved +by Pauline telling me that it was to come from the dressmaker just +in time for her to dress for the ball; which it did. She came to be +inspected by Nannie and me before she started, and she really looked +delicious. Her assets as a country girl counted heavily that night, she +looked so fresh, so natural, and so full of the joy of living. Her hair +counted, every hair of it. Nannie was so touched that she wept aloud and +said it was what I ought to be doing. But I told her professional +aunts went only to children's parties, where they could be of some use. +Pauline wished I was going. "Betty," she said and paused, "I am sure Mr. +---- is his name Dudley? feels very much your not going." I laughed, +and marked it down against her that she should have said, "Is his name +Dudley?" It was the first evidence of feminine guile I had detected in +her. Men are answerable for a very great deal. + +I woke to greet Pauline when she came into my sunlit room at five +o'clock in the morning, looking still fresh, untired, and more than ever +full of the joy of living. "Oh, it was lovely," she said, sitting down +on my bed. + +"Who saw you home?" I asked professionally. + +"Oh, Aunt Adela to the very door; she even waited till I shut it." + +"Who did you dance with?" I asked. + +"Heaps and heaps of people. I was lucky; all Thorpshire seemed to be +there; and then Mr. Dudley. Betty, I understand now." + +"What?" I said, alarmed by the note of tragic kindness in her voice. + +"About Mr. Dudley, he talked about you so beautifully. He agrees with +me absolutely about your character, and he told me about his sister." +Pauline's voice became hushed. + +"Did he say she was just a little like you, Pauline?" + +"Yes, he did. You knew her, then? He said I reminded him of her so +strangely. I think he would make a woman very happy. I do really." + +"So do I, dear Pauline, really." + +"Then won't you?" + +"No, darling goose." + +"Why?" + +"Because I am not the woman. Go to bed, Pauline." + +She went--to sleep? I cannot say. I forget whether a girl goes to sleep +the first night after she has fallen in love. Night? I suppose I should +say morning. But it depends on the hour when she takes the first step +into that bewildering fairyland of first love. For a fairyland it +assuredly is, if she is lucky enough to find the right guide. He must, +to begin with, believe in the fairyland. He must know that the path may +be rough at times, stony and overgrown with weeds, but he will know that +all the difficulties will be worth while when he brings her out into the +open, and they look away to the limitless horizon of happiness. + +A few hours later, Pauline said to me at breakfast, "Betty, I think I +shall tell that bootmaker to make me two pairs of boots and two pairs +of shoes. It is better to have enough while one is about it, don't you +think so?" + +So began the regeneration of Pauline, regeneration in the matter of +footgear, I mean, and to wear good boots did her character no harm, nor +the pocket of the country shoemaker either, I am sure. Good boots could +not turn her feet from the pathway of truth and goodness which from her +earliest childhood she had set out to tread, never pausing except to +pick up some one who lagged behind, or to help some one who had strayed +from the path. + +Dick Dudley, whose pathway through life had zigzagged considerably, was +astonished to find how easy the pathway was to keep, guided by Pauline, +and how alluring the goal of goodness. He gave himself up gladly to her +guidance, and was touched to find how much there was of latent goodness +in him. He had never before realized, that was all, how much he loved +his fellow-creatures, how he longed to help them all, how the conditions +of the laboring-classes made his blood boil with indignation, how he +idolized babies, loved old women, reverenced old men. + +It was all a revelation to him. It was, moreover, delightful to be told +by Pauline how wonderful she found all these things in him, and how +unexpected. This, she explained, was nothing personal. "But I often +wondered if I should ever meet a man like you." + +"Darling," he answered humbly, "I don't think I am that sort of man; +really, I'm awfully and frightfully ordinary." + +Then Pauline, to prove the contrary, would ask him if he didn't feel +this or that or the other? And of course he could truthfully say he did, +because he felt all and everything Pauline wished him to feel, with her +beautiful eyes fixed upon him and the flush of enthusiasm on her +cheeks. Here was something to inspire a man, this splendidly generous, +magnanimous creature. Of course he had always felt all these things; he +had been groping after goodness. It was the goodness in Diana, and he +was kind enough to say in the professional aunt, which had appealed to +him. He had been feeling after, it for years, but it was only Pauline +who had revealed it to him, in himself. Well, he was very much in love. +Most men engaged to charming girls feel their own unworthiness, and +the girl is sweetly content that they should do so. Not so Pauline. She +revealed to her astonished lover a depth of goodness in his character +that he had least suspected, and he gradually began to feel how little +he had been understood. + +Now this is an excellent basis on which to start an engagement. I forget +exactly how and when they became engaged, but it was certainly before +Dick said humbly, "Darling, I don't think I am that sort of man; really, +I'm awfully and frightfully ordinary," because, with all Pauline's +kindness to sinners, there was none hardened enough to address her as +"darling" without being first engaged to her; so by that I know they +were engaged that evening at the opera, because it was in a Wagnerian +pause that Dick said those words, in a loud voice from the back of the +box. How else should a professional aunt know these things? + +Between meeting Dick and becoming engaged to him, Pauline went home and +came back with a larger box and stayed quite a long time, as time goes, +although, as a time in which to become engaged, it was very short, and +Nannie, feeling this, asked Pauline if she knew much about Mr. Dudley, +and was she wise? In spite of this anxiety on Nannie's part, she enjoyed +it all immensely, and wept to her heart's content when the engagement +was announced. Now Dick Dudley was a rich young man, and I wondered +whether other people wept too from motives less pure and simple than +Nannie's. + +Pauline wanted me to join a society called "The Deaf Dog Society." The +obligation enforced on members was that they should kneel down, put +their arms round the neck of any deaf dog they should chance to meet, +and say, "Darling, I love you." + +"You see," she said, "a deaf dog doesn't know he is deaf, he only +wonders why no one ever speaks to him, why no one ever calls him. So you +see what a splendid society it is, and there is no subscription." + +Dick made a stipulation that the benefits of the society should be +conferred on dogs only. He made a point of that. + + + + +Chapter X + + +As there was nothing to wait for, happy people, it was agreed by all +parties that the wedding should take place in August, which kept me +rather late in town; it was hardly worth going away, to come back again, +as back again I had to come, as Betty and Hugh were coming to stay +with me for a night on their way to Thorpshire. It is not astonishing, +perhaps, that two children, modern children in particular, and a +nursery-maid can fill to overflowing a small London house, but it is +astonishing how demoralizing a thing it is. A visiting child to people +who have children of their own means nothing, beyond the changing from +one room to another of some particular child, or the putting up of +an extra bed, or perhaps the joy supreme to some child of sleeping in +something that is not a real bed. We all remember that joy. Except for +that one child, it is an every-day thing and fraught with no particular +excitement. The servants, for instance, in a house where children are +an every-day thing, remain quite calm, if good tempered, when a visiting +child is expected, and the kitchen-maid, no doubt, cleans the doorstep +as usual, and, no doubt, takes in the milk. But this I know, that if I +had happened to possess such a thing when Betty and Hugh were coming +to stay, my doorstep would never have been cleaned. For once I was +glad that I depended on the services of a very small boy, who thinks +he cleans it. Staid and level-headed as were my maids, they answered no +bells that morning, which was perhaps natural, as I believe none ring +up to the nursery. Of course they had to be interested in Nannie's +arrangements. + +It was a hot August day, I remember, and I sat at the window writing, or +pretending to write. As a matter of fact, I was listening. Among other +things to the "Austrian Anthem," played over and over again, first right +hand, then left, then both, but not together, by, I guessed, a child +about ten years old, next door. + +Poor, hot child, how I pitied her. + +"Never mind," I thought, "take courage, seaside time is coming. Within +a few days, no doubt, an omnibus will come to the door empty, to go away +full, filled with luggage, crowned by a perambulator and a baby's bath!" +It is only a woman who can travel with a perambulator and a bath; they +are the epitome of motherhood. A father is always too busy to go by that +particular train. + +I heard the twitter of sparrows, the jingle of bells, the hooting of a +siren, or was it my neighbor singing "A rose I gave to you"? of course +it was,--the rumble of a post-office van, and the cry of children's +voices, rather peevish voices, poor mites! Never mind, seaside time is +coming. + +Listening more intently, I beard in the far distance, yet distinct, the +cries of the children who ought to go to the seaside, children who have +never been to the seaside, never paddled, never built castles, never +caught crabs, never seen sea-anemones or starfish, children whose faces +are wan and whose mothers are too tired to be kind to them. It is often +that, I am sure, too tired to be kind! + +Listening again, I heard faintly--it is not with the ears that one hears +these things--the unuttered complaints of those tired mothers, worn-out +women, despairing men, and the singing, in dark alleys and in hot areas, +of caged birds. There are thousands of caged creatures, other than +birds, in London in August, men, women, and children. Hats off, then, +to the little feathered Christians who sing for their fellow-prisoners +a paean of praise. It is perhaps easier to sing to the patch of blue sky +when you do not know that it will be hidden behind clouds tomorrow. + +"They've come," cried Nannie. + +"O Aunt Woggles!" said Hugh, "I've brought you a lovely caterpillar +wrapped up in grass." + +"And I've brought you one of my very own bantam eggs," said Betty. "I've +kept it ever so long for you." + +Then it will be bad, said Hugh. + +"Oh, not so long as to be bad," said Betty. "You will eat it, won't you, +Aunt Woggles?" + +Nannie was radiantly happy at tea that day, but I think her happiness +was supreme when she fetched me later to look at the children asleep. +We stole into Betty's room together, and Nannie shaded the candle as +she held it, for me to look at what is assuredly the loveliest thing on +God's earth--a sleeping child. + +Nannie, in an eloquent silence, pointed to the chair on which lay +Betty's clean clothes, folded ready for the morning, and to her hairy +horse which she had brought for company. Her blue slippers were beside +the bed. Then we went into Hugh's room. He, too, lay peaceful and +beautiful, his clothes folded ready for the morning, and his pistol +beside him in case he was "attacked." His slippers were red, and Nannie, +at the sight of them, cried quietly. To some happy mothers a child's +slippers mean nothing more than size two or three, and serve only to +remind her how quickly children grow out of things! + +But to Nannie they brought back memories of years of happiness, through +which little feet, in just the same sort of slippers, had pattered, +stumbling here, falling there, picked up, and guided by her. But she +thought most of the little feet in just that sort of slippers, that had +stopped still forever early on their life's journey. It is the voices +that are hushed that call most distinctly, the footsteps that stop that +are most carefully traced. It is the children who have gone that stand +and beckon! + + + + +Chapter XI + + +Pauline's wedding-day dawned gloriously bright and beautiful. The whole +village was up and doing, very early, putting the finishing touches to +the decorations. + +The widower shoemaker and his children, and the woman who washed +them--the children, I mean--on Saturdays, had all combined to erect a +triumphal arch of, great splendor, and the woman showed such sensibility +in the choice of mottoes, and such a nice appreciation of the joys of +matrimony, together with a decided leaning towards the bridegroom's +side of the arch, that the shoemaker suggested that she should suit her +actions to her words--that was how he expressed it--and marry him, which +she agreed to do. But she afterwards explained, in breaking the news to +her friends, that they could have knocked her down with a leaf! Whether +this was due to the weakened state of her heart, or to her precarious +position on the ladder, I do not know. + +Everybody and everything was in a bustle, with the exception of Aunt +Cecilia, who sat through it all as calm and as beautiful as ever. Not +that she did not feel parting with Pauline, but her love for everybody +and everything was of a nature so purely unselfish that it never +occurred to her to count the cost to herself. + +I have never met any one who so completely combines in her character +gentleness and strength as does Aunt Cecilia: so gentle in spirit and +judgment, and so strong in her fight for principles and beliefs. If she +has a weakness, and I could never wish any one I love to be without one, +it lies in her love for Patience. She does not think it right to play in +the morning, but sometimes, being unable to withstand the temptation of +so doing, she plays it in an empty drawer of her writing-table, and if +she hears any one coming, she can close the drawer! + +Her greatest interest in life, next to her husband and children, is her +garden and other people's gardens. In fact, she looks at life generally +from a gardening point of view, and is apt to regard men as gardeners, +possible gardeners, or gardeners wasted. As gardeners they have their +very distinct use, and as such deserve every consideration, but if a +man will not till the soil, he is a cumberer thereof. She, at least, +inclines that way in thought. Life, she says, is a garden, children the +flowers, parents the gardeners. "If we treated children as we do roses, +they would be far happier. We don't call roses naughty when they grow +badly and refuse to flower as they ought to; we blame the gardeners or +the soil." + +"But, Aunt Cecilia," I say, "one can recommend an unsatisfactory +gardener to a friend, but one can't so dispose of unsatisfactory +parents." + +"You must educate them, dear." + +Now all this sounds very convincing when said by Aunt Cecilia, because, +for one thing, she says it very charmingly, and for another, she is +still a very beautiful woman. She is too fond, perhaps, of extinguishing +her beauty under a large mushroom hat, and is given to bending too much +over herbaceous borders, and so hiding her beautiful face. But I dare +say the flowers love to look at it, and to see mirrored in it their own +loveliness. + +Aunt Cecilia wears a bonnet sometimes, and thereby hangs a tale. So few +aunts wear a bonnet nowadays that the fact of one doing so is almost +worth chronicling. She doesn't wear it very often, only at the +christenings of the head gardener's babies. From a christening point of +view that is very often, but from a bonnet point of view I suppose it +might be called seldom--once a year? I know that bonnet well, because it +has been sent to me often for renovation. On one particular occasion +it arrived in a cardboard box. On the top of the bonnet was a bunch of +flowers, beautiful enough to make any bonnet accompanying it welcome, in +whatever state of dilapidation. Aunt Cecilia has a knack of sending +just the right sort of flowers, and they always bring a message, which +everybody's flowers don't do. + +The bonnet I renovated to the best of my ability and sent it back. In +the course of a few days I received a slightly agitated note from Aunt +Cecilia. "It doesn't suit me, dearest, and after all the trouble you +have taken!" + +Knowing Aunt Cecilia, I wrote back, "Did you try it on in bed with your +hair down?" + +She answered by return, "Dearest, I did! It really suits me very well +now that I have tried it on in my right mind. I am going to wear it +at the last little Shrub's christening, this afternoon. It is just in +time." + +When David and Diana were singled out by night for the particular +attention of a burglar, Aunt Cecilia wrote to sympathize and said, "I am +so thankful, dearest, David did not meet the poor, misguided man!" + +May we all be judged as tenderly! + +This is a digression, but it perhaps explains Pauline and Pauline's +wedding, and the joy with which all the people in the village entered +into it. + +The strangest people kept on arriving the morning of the wedding. It was +verily a gathering of the halt, the lame, and the blind--all friends of +Pauline's. Whenever Uncle Jim was particularly overcome, it was sure to +mean that some old soldier, officer or otherwise, had turned up, who had +served with him in some part of the world, long before Pauline was born. +Aunt Cecilia welcomed them all in her inimitable manner, which made each +one feel that he was the one and most particularly honored guest. For +all her apparent absent-mindedness, she knew exactly who belonged to +Mrs. Bunce's department and who not. + +Mrs. Bunce, the old housekeeper, was very busy, every button doing its +duty! A wedding didn't come her way every day. The sisters-in-law, of +course, came with their belongings. + +Zerlina was distressed at the nature of many of the presents; and +wondered if Pauline would have enough spare rooms to put them in; which +showed how little she knew her. If Pauline had told her that she valued +the alabaster greyhound under a glass case, subscribed for by the +old men and women in the village, over seventy, Zerlina wouldn't have +believed her any more than did old Mrs. Barker when Diana told her Sara +was named after a dear old housemaid and not after the Duchess. + +Betty and Hugh were among the bridesmaids and pages, and Hugh shocked +Betty very much by saying, in the middle of the service "When may I play +with my girl?" + +Some one described Uncle Jim as looking like one of the Apostles, and +Aunt Cecilia certainly looked like a saint. Ought I, by the way, to +bracket an apostle and a saint? But nothing was so wonderful or so +beautiful as the expression on Pauline's face. I am sure that, as she +walked up the aisle, she was oblivious to everything and every one +except God and Dick. + +It is assuredly a great responsibility for a man to accept such a love +as hers. + +A wedding is nearly always a choky thing, and Pauline's was particularly +so. As she left the church, she stopped in the churchyard to speak to +her friends, and for one old woman she waited to let her feel her dress. + +"Is it my jewels you want to feel, Anne?" she said, as the old hands +tremblingly passed over her bodice. "I have on no jewels." + +The old hands went up to Pauline's face and gently and reverently +touched it. "God bless her happy face," said the old woman. "I had to +know for sure." Pauline kissed the old fingers gently. We all knew for +sure, but then we had eyes to see. + +Pauline went away in the afternoon, and the villagers danced far into +the evening, and there was revelry in the park by night. + +After Pauline and Dick had gone away, I walked across the park to +the post office to send a telegram to Julia, who was kept at home by +illness, to her very great disappointment. There is nothing she adores +like a wedding. I was glad to escape for a few minutes. I wrote out the +telegram and handed it to the postmaster, who, reading it, said, I'm +glad it went off so well. "There's nobody what wouldn't wish her well." +Then he counted the words. "Julia Westby?" he said. "Um-um-um-um. +Eleven, miss. You might as well give her the title." I laughed and +added, or rather he added, the "Lady." + +Julia is not a sister-in-law really, but she likes to call herself so, +since she might have been one, having been for one ecstatic week in +Archie's life engaged to him. She is wont now to lay her hand on his +head, in public, for choice, and say, "He was almost mine." She says +she still loves him as a friend. "But, you see, dearest Betty, there is +everything that is delightful in the relationship of a poor friend, but +a poor husband! That is another thing. To begin with, it is not fair +to a man that he should have to deny his wife things. It is bad for his +character and, of course, for hers. He becomes a saint at her expense, +whereas the expense should always be borne by the husband. William is so +delightfully rich, but he is not an Archie, of course! But then husbands +are not supposed to be." + +Hugh, going to bed, wondered if the angels would bring Pauline a baby +that night, a darling little baby! + +And Betty said, in her great wisdom, "Oh, darling, I think it would be +too exciting for Pauline to be married and have a baby all on one day." + +Then Hugh suggested the glorious possibility of the angels bringing +it to Fullfield, whereupon Hyacinth said that was not at all likely, +because she knew that when a baby was born, it was usual for one or +other parent to be present! + +We stayed for a few days at Fullfield, and Hugh and Betty enjoyed +themselves immensely. Hyacinth said it was just like staying for a week +at the pantomime, and Betty said, with a deep sigh, that it was much +nicer, a billion times nicer. + +Pauline's brother Jack most nearly resembled any one in a pantomime, and +the children loved him. One day at lunch he went to the side-table to +fetch a potato in its jacket, and coming back he laid it on Uncle Jim's +slightly bald head and said, "Am I feverish, father?" + +"It Good Heavens, my boy!" exclaimed Uncle Jim; "you must be in an awful +state!" + +After that, the eyes of the children never left Jack during any meal +at which they happened to be present, and whenever he got up to fetch +anything, Hugh began dancing with joy and saying in a loud whisper, +"He's going to do something funny"; and if Jack remained silent, Hugh +was sure he was thinking of something to do. It is difficult to live up +to those expectations. + +One morning at breakfast Hugh said suddenly, "Aunt Woggles, have you got +a mole?" + +I said I believed I had. + +"It's frightfully lucky. I have," he said, pulling up his sleeve and +disclosing a mole on his very white little arm. "It is lucky." + +"I've got one too," said Betty, diving under the table. + +"All right, darling," I said, "you needn't show us." + +"I couldn't, Aunt Woggles, at least not now. If you come to see me in my +bath, you can; but it's truthfully there." + +I said I was sure it was. + +"I 'spect she's sitting on it," said Hugh in aloud whisper; "that's +why." + +"We asked Mr. Hardy once if he had a mole, and he got redder and +redder;" we asked him at lunch, said Betty. + +"He got redder and redder," said Hugh, by way of corroboration. "Mother +said moles weren't good things to ask people about, so we asked him if +he had any little children, and he hadn't; then we didn't know what to +ask." + +"We only asked about moles because we wanted him to be lucky," said +kindhearted Betty. + +"Last time I went to the Zoo," said Hugh, "I gave all my bread to one +animal. He was a lucky animal, wasn't he?" + +"It was the hippopotamus, I think; he was lucky." + +"Perhaps he has a mole, Hugh," I said. + +We'll look, said Hugh. "I 'spect he has." + +The proverbial difficulty of finding a needle in a haystack seemed +child's play compared to that of finding a mole on a hippopotamus. + + + + +Chapter XII + + +Another aunt, Anna by name, suggested that as I was at Fullfield, I +might take the opportunity of paying her a visit at Manwell, why because +I was at Fullfield I don't know, as they are miles apart, counties apart +I should say. However, I went because it is difficult to refuse Aunt +Anna anything; she accepts no excuses. It is as well for any one who +wishes to see Aunt Anna at her best to see her in her own home. She, +according to Aunt Cecilia, does best in her own soil. Moreover, she is +nothing without her family, it so thoroughly justifies her existence. + +Aunt Anna is one of those jewels who owe a certain amount to their +setting. + +Her husband calls her a jewel, and as such she is known by the family +in general which recalls to my mind an interesting biennial custom which +was said to hold good in the Manwell family. Every time a lesser jewel +made its appearance, the mother-jewel was presented with a diamond and +ruby ornament of varying magnificence, with the words "The price of a +good woman is far above rubies" conveniently inscribed thereon. + +Aunt Anna took it all very seriously, from the tiara downward, and if +diamond and ruby shoe-buckles had not involved twins, I think she would +have hankered after those, but even as it was, she came in time to +possess a very remarkable collection of rubies and diamonds. + +Aunt Anna is very prosperous, very happy, very rich, and very contented. + +She prides herself on none of these things, but only on the unprejudiced +state of her maternal mind. + +"Of course," she says, "I cannot help seeing that my children are more +beautiful than other people's. It would be ludicrously affected and +hypocritical of me if I pretended otherwise. If they were plain, I +should be the first to see it, and--" + +I think she was going to add "say it," but she stopped short; she +invariably does at a deliberate lie, because she is a very truthful +woman, and thinks a lie is a wicked thing unless socially a necessity. + +I arrived at tea-time which is a thing Aunt Anna expects of her guests. +I noticed that she looked a little less contented than usual, and that +she even gave way to a gesture of impatience when Mrs. Blankley asked +for a fifth cup of tea. Mrs. Blankley is a great advocate of temperance. +In connection with which, Aunt Anna once said that she thought there +should be temperance in all things beginning with "t." Which vague +saying, as illustrative of her wit, was treasured up by her indulgent +husband and quoted "As Anna so funnily said." + +Now as Aunt Anna, we know, never says witty things unless under strong +provocation, she rarely says them, for she is of an amazingly even +temperament. She often says she considers cleverness a very dangerous +gift. It is not one I seek for either myself or my children. It is so +easy to say clever, unkind things. Every one can do it if they choose; +the difficulty is not to say them. + +It is evident that Aunt Anna chooses the harder part. + +Mrs. Blankley, having disposed of the fifth cup of tea, expressed a +desire to see the pigs. Aunt Anna never goes to see pigs, nor demands +that sacrifice of Londoners, for which act of consideration I honor her; +not but what I am fond of pigs, black ones and small. Aunt Anna knows +that there are such things because of the continual presence of bacon +in her midst. She also knows that pigs are things that get prizes. +She still clings to her childish belief that streaky bacon comes from +feeding the pigs one day and not the next. + +Every one, like Mrs. Blankley, had a thirst to see something, and I +was left alone with Aunt Anna, to discuss Pauline's wedding. As a +rule, there is nothing Aunt Anna would sooner discuss, but I saw that +something was worrying her, and I guessed that the unburdening of a +rarely perturbed mind was imminent. It was. + +"Is anything wrong?--" I asked. "Any of the children worrying you?" She +nodded and pointed to a diamond and ruby brooch and said plaintively. +"This one, Claud, just a little worrying." + +I tried to hide a smile. "Oh, that's Claud, is it? I get a little +mixed." + +"I dare say, dear," she said; "but it's quite simple, really. Jack was +the tiara, and so on." + +"What has Claud been doing?" I asked. "Oh, nothing he can help, I feel +sure. He has a temperament, I believe. What it is I don't quite know; +people grow out of it, I am told. It's not so much doing things as +saying them; and his friends are odd, decidedly odd. They wear curious +ties, have disheveled hair, and are distinctly decollete. I don't know +if I should apply the word to men, but they are." + +I suggested that these little indiscretions on the part of extreme youth +need not worry her. But she said they did, in a way, because her +other children were so very plain sailing. They never took any one by +surprise. She then told me of poor Lady Adelaide, a near neighbor, at +least as near as it was possible for any neighbor to be, considering +the extent of the Manwell property, one of whose boys had written a book +without her knowledge, and the other had married under exactly similar +conditions. + +I said I thought the writing of a book a minor offense compared to +the matrimonial venture. She agreed, but said they were both upsetting +because unexpected. As an instance, did I remember when Lady Victoria +was butted by her pet lamb, when she was showing the Prince her white +farm? It wasn't the upsetting she minded, so much as the unexpectedness +of it, because the lamb had a blue ribbon round its neck! + +"A black sheep in a white farm, Aunt Anna!" I said. + +"No, dear, it was white, and it was a lamb." + +But to return to Lady Adelaide. Now that Aunt Anna came to think of it, +the marriage was the better of the two shocks, because financially it +was a success, and the book wasn't. "Books aren't," She added. + +"Is that all Claud does, or, rather, his friends do?" I asked. + +"No, it's not," she said. "Ever since he went to Oxford he has changed +completely. He has got into his head that we are a self-centered family, +and that I am a prejudiced mother, when it is the only thing I am not. +I may be everything else for all I know, I may be daily breaking all +the commandments without knowing it! But a prejudiced mother I am not! +Before he went to Oxford he came into my bedroom one morning, and he +said that he thought Maud and Edith were quite the most beautiful girls +he had ever seen, and he had sat behind some famous beauty in a theatre +a few nights before. I didn't ask him! I was suffering from neuralgia at +the time, I remember, and he might, under the circumstances, have agreed +just to soothe me, but he said it of his own accord, and he wondered if +they would go up to London and walk down Bond Street with him. I said +it should be arranged. They walked with him three times up and down Bond +Street; he only asked for once. I am only telling you this because you +will then realize what this change in him means to me. He came back +from Oxford after one term and he said nothing about the girls' beauty, +although I thought them improved. I didn't say so; I made some little +joke about Bond Street, which he pretended not to understand. So I just +said I thought the girls improved, or rather were looking very pretty, +and he said, 'My dear mother, we must learn to look at these things from +the point of view of the outsider. Place yourself in the position of a +man of the world seeing them for the first time.'" + +To begin with, Aunt Anna proceeded to explain, she could never place +herself in a position to which she was not born; she did not think it +right. She said that Claud then urged her to look at it from stranger's +point of view, since that of man of the world was impracticable, which +Aunt Anna said was a thing no mother could do, nor would she wish to do +it. She left such things to actresses. Talking of actresses reminded her +that Claud had even found fault with Maud as an actress, when every +one knew how very excellent she was. Several newspapers, the Southshire +Herald in particular, had alluded to her as one of our most talented +actresses. + +"We had a professional down to coach her, and he said there was really +nothing he could teach her. He was a very nice man, and had all his +meals with us. I went," continued Aunt Anna, "to see the great French +actress who was in London in the spring, you remember? And if ever a +mother went with an unprejudiced mind, I was that mother. I was prepared +to think she was better than Maud, and if she had been, I should have +been the first to say it. But she was not, at least not to my mind! Maud +is always a lady, even on the stage, and that woman was not." + +I ventured to suggest that she was perhaps not supposed to be a lady in +the part. Aunt Anna said, "Perhaps not, but that does not matter; +Maud would be a lady under any circumstances, whatever character she +impersonated, laundress or lady. Claud says she will never act till +she learns to forget herself I trust one of my daughters will never do +that!" + +I strove to pacify Aunt Anna, but her tender heart was wounded and she +was hard to comfort. + +"Claud must admire Edith's violin playing," I ventured. + +Aunt Anna shook her head. "He begged me to eliminate from my mind all +preconceived notions and to judge her from the unprejudiced point of +view. I told Edith to put away her violin. Claud says I must call it a +fiddle. I could not bear to see it. I never thought there could be such +dissension in our united family." + +By way of distraction, I asked if the young man at tea with the +disheveled hair and startlingly unorthodox tie was a friend of Claud's, +and she said, "His greatest!" + +At that moment Claud came into the room, wearing a less earnest +expression than usual and Aunt Anna held out a hand of forgiveness. He +warmly clasped it. "Mother," he said, "Windlehurst has just told me, in +strict confidence, that he considers Maud's the most beautiful face he +has ever seen, except, of course, in the best period of ancient Greek +art. I knew you wanted to hear the unprejudiced opinion of an unbiased +outsider." + +I wondered how Windlehurst would like the description! Claud went on: "I +think Edith every bit as good looking, more so in some ways. Now that +I have heard an unprejudiced opinion I can express mine, which you have +known all along. You see, mother, people say we are a self-centered and +egotistical family. I have proved that we are not." + +"Dear, dearest Claud, your tie is disarranged," murmured his mother, +struggling to reduce it to the dimensions of the orthodox sailor knot. +"Do wait and listen to all dear Betty is telling me of dearest Pauline's +wedding. So interesting. Go on, dear Betty; where had we got to?" + + + + +Chapter XIII + + +My correspondence regarding my summer plans was varied, and the +suggestions contained therein numerous. Here are some of the letters. + +Diana's: + +Darling Betty,--What do you say to the Cornish coast, coves, cream, and +children! As much of the coast and cream, and as little of the children +as you like! David has a bachelor shoot in view, and I think sea air +would do the children good. I do not propose leaving any nurses at home, +or sending them away; they shall all come and run after Sara should she +get into the sea, when she ought not to, but you and I will have the joy +of watching her. She really is delicious paddling. Think of the +rocks, and the coves, and the sands, and not of the wind or of other +disadvantages that may strike you. As much as you like you shall read, +and whatever you like, so long as you will, at intervals, look up and +smile at me. I shall love to feel you are there, so do come, not as a +professional aunt, as you sometimes describe yourself, but as your own +dear self. + + Your loving + DIANA + +Zerlina's: + +Dearest Betty,--I know how difficult you are to find disengaged, but do +try and come to Cornwall with us. The children would love to have you, +and I know you enjoy tearing about after them on the sands! Nurse must +go home for her holiday, and the nursery-maid is so useless. But you +shall do exactly as you like. I know you wouldn't mind if I left you +for a day or two. Jim is so keen that I should go to the Cross-Patches, +being in the neighborhood, more or less. Do write and say you will come. +I do get such headaches at the seaside, and I look so awful when I get +sun burnt, but it suits you. + + Yours, + ZERLINA + +Julia's: + +Betty dear,--You have simply got to come. Diana tells me she is asking +you to Cornwall, and that, I know, you will not refuse, because for +some extraordinary reason you can't refuse her anything. Oh! for Diana's +charm for one day a week! What wouldn't I do! That woman wastes her +life; I've always said so. But go to Cornwall, blazes, or anywhere you +like, but come here on your way back--everywhere is on the way back from +Cornwall. Because the house is to be full of William's friends and he +is never perfectly at ease unless there is a bishop among them, and a +bishop drives me to desperate deeds of wickedness. They always like me! +Betty, in your capacity of professional something, think of me. I want +helping more than any one. I don't ask you to give up Cornwall, but +afterwards, don't disappoint your + + JULIA. + +A girl's: + +Dear Miss Lisle,--I wonder if you will remember me. I am almost afraid +to hope so. But I met you last summer at the Anstells' garden-party, +and you passed me an ice, vanilla and strawberry mixed! I have never +forgotten it. It was not so much passing the ice, lots of people did +that, as the way you did it. I was very unhappy at the time, and there +was something in your expression as you did it that made me feel you +were unlike any one else I had ever met. I wore green muslin! + +I am wondering whether you would come to Cornwall, to stay with us. +The coast is lovely, and in its wildness one can forget one's self, +and that, I think, is what one most wants to do! I know what a help you +would be to me, if you could come, and I will tell you all my troubles +when we have been together some days. One gets to know people by the sea +very quickly, I think, don't you? Although I feel as if I had known you +all my life. My hat was brown, mushroom. + + Your sincere friend and admirer, + VERONICA VOKINS + +P. S.--I forgot to say that my father and mother will be delighted to +see you. I have ten brothers and sisters, but there is miles of coast, +and I and my five sisters have a sitting-room all to ourselves. Father +says "he" must pass his examinations first. I tell you this because you +will then understand. "He" won the obstacle race at the Anstells', but +he was in a sack, so I expect you did not notice him! + +The big, sad Thomas: + +Dear Miss Lisle,--For months, in fact since the day you restored the +screw to my small son, I have been trying to write to you on a subject +that may or may not be distasteful to you. That it will come as a +surprise I feel sure. My love for my boy must be my excuse; nothing else +could justify my writing to any woman as I am about to write to you. +Will you be a mother to my Thomas? It would not be honest on my part +to pretend that I can offer you in myself anything but a very sad and +lonely man, the best of me having gone. No one could ever,--or shall +ever, take the place of my beloved wife in my heart, the remains of +which I offer unreservedly to you. For the sake of my boy I am prepared +to sacrifice myself, and I can at least promise you that you shall never +regret by any action of mine whatever sacrifice it may entail on your +part. I shall not insult you by the mention of money matters or any such +things, for I feel sure that the fact of my being a rich man will make +no difference in your decision as to whether or no you will be a mother +to my Thomas. + + Yours very sincerely, + THOMAS GLYNNE + +Lady Glenburnie's: + +Dear Betty,--If you should be in the North,--and why not make a +certainty of it?--don't forget us! A line to say when and where to meet +you is all we want, and you will find the warmest of welcomes awaiting +you, and your own favorite room in the turret. Don't mention nephews or +nieces in answering this. + + Your affectionate + MARY GLENBURNIE + +Brother Archie's: + +Angel Betty,--Help a brother in distress. I'm desperately in love. First +of all,--how long do you suppose it will last? Forever, I think. But I +can't live at this pitch for long, and my summer plans depend on it. She +is lovely. Makes me long to sing hymns on Sunday evenings; you know +the kind of thing--feeling, I should say! She's like Pauline, only more +beautiful, I think. I will tell you all about it when we meet. There are +complications. My first trouble is this: I have taken a small place in +Skye with Coningsby. Now it is perfectly impossible to live with Con +when one is in love; of all the unsympathetic, dried-up old crabs, he +is the worst. Now the question is, can I buy him out? Have you to stay +instead, ask my beloved too, save her from drowning, which in Skye +should be easy, and then live happily ever afterwards. I am consumed +with a desire to save her from something. It is a symptom, I know, but, +Betty dear, it is serious this time. Her eyes look as if they saw into +another world, which makes me feel hopeless! I don't mind you hinting +something about it to Julia, if you should see her. You needn't enter +into details! + + Yours ever, + ARCHIE + +Of all the letters, Diana's was the most tempting. + +Zerlina's had no power to lure. Dear Archie's little--he had so often +written the same--sort of letters. Veronica Vokins' less, and the sad, +big Thomas! What a curious letter! I hardly knew whether to laugh or to +cry. How careful he was to point out the sacrifice on his part entailed +in his offer. It was hardly flattering to me, except that he refrained +from mentioning his worldly goods, or the advantages to me accruing from +the bestowal thereof. I had at least looked unworldly when I had visited +the small Thomas in bed; of that I was glad. And, after all, why should +I mind? It is something, perhaps, to be asked to be a mother to a small +fat Thomas. I wrote, refusing as kindly as I could. I dare say there are +women who would accept the position. Let us hope, if one be found to do +so, that she will not forget the mother part! + +Dear Lady Glenburnie's letter had something of temptation lurking in +it somewhere. The turret room, commanding its views of purple hills and +sunsets, and the warmest of welcomes! But, again, the most aching of +memories. I could not go there again under circumstances so different. +If ever it could be again as it had been, how I should love it! So that +invitation I declined, saying I should be in Cornwall with Diana. Lady +Glenburnie would forgive the mention of Diana, I knew, and of Betty, +Hugh, and Sara I said nothing, as she had stipulated. + +Then I wrote to Julia saying I would go to her after I had been to +Cornwall. She might need consoling by then, should Archie have proved +himself recovered of the wounds inflicted by her. This I did not tell +her. If I waited a little, there might be nothing to tell. + + + + +Chapter XIV + + +So to Cornwall I went, and found the sands and the coves and the rocks +and the sea, just as Diana had said, nor was I disappointed in the back +view of Sara with her petticoats tucked into her bathing-drawers. It was +divine. She was delicious, too, paddling, and there were enough nurses +to prevent her doing more, if necessary, and Diana and I could, if we +liked, lie on the sands and watch the children. But it so happens that I +love building castles and making puddings, and, curiously enough, Diana +does too, and we were children once more with perhaps less hinge in our +backs than formerly, but still we enjoyed ourselves immensely. + +Betty, the first day, full of faith, tried to walk on the sea, and was +pulled out very wet and disappointed, and her faith a little shaken, +perhaps, for the moment. Hugh told her she didn't have faith hard +enough. "You must go like this," and he held his breath, threatening to +become purple in the face. + +"Could you now?" said Betty wistfully, when Hugh was at his reddest. + +"No!" he said, "because I burst. Aunt Woggles looked at me when I was +just believing very hard." + +Betty forgot that trouble in her infinite delight at discovering where +Heaven really was. She knew if she could just row out to the silver +pathway across the sea, it would lead straight to Heaven. "I know it +would," she said. + +Hugh objected because Heaven was in the sky, that he knew! Betty said +how did he know? + +"Well, look," said Hugh; "you can see it's all bright and blue and +shining, and angels fly, and you can't fly on the sea, so that shows." + +Betty wasn't sure of that because of flying-fish; she'd seen them in +a book where "F" was for flying-fish, so she knew. But Hugh knew that +angels weren't fish, because fish is good to eat and angels aren't. +I was glad the culinary knowledge of Hugh and Betty didn't extend to +"angels on horseback," or where should we have been in the abysses of +argument? + +We made expeditions which, as expeditions, were not a success. Sara +objected to leaving the object of her passing affections, a starfish +perhaps, and Hugh and Betty also always found treasures of their very +own, which they must just watch for just a little time, in case they +did something exciting. These things hinder! But still we did sometimes +reach another cove, and one day, in a very secluded one, I caught sight +of a pair of lovers. One can tell the most discreet of them at a glance, +and more than a glance I should never have given this pair had not the +girl, so much of her as I could see under a brown mushroom hat, been +very pretty. Her dress too was green muslin, which was in itself +compelling, and the boy with her, I felt sure, had passed no +examinations. And yet they were deliriously happy, that I could tell. +So the father wasn't so cruel, after all, and I doubted whether I should +have been the comfort to Veronica that she had anticipated. In fact, +I could easily imagine how greatly in the way I should have been. Poor +professional friend! That I had at least been spared from becoming. + +Veronica, no less than Betty, had discovered where Heaven really was, +and the boy had a clearer definition of angels than Hugh. Hugh was right +so far--they were in no way related to, or bore any resemblance to, +fish. They were angels pure and simple, and the most beautiful of them, +the most enchanting of them, wore a green muslin and a brown mushroom +hat. + +If I had been that young man, I should have objected to the dimensions +of that hat, but he didn't, I suppose. Not having passed his +examinations may have made a difference. He would later on, no doubt. It +is a pity, perhaps, that men have to pass examinations; it robs them of +much of their simplicity. + + + + +Chapter XV + + +Zerlina discovered, to her immense surprise, that she was near enough +to bring all her party to play with ours, and it was arranged that she +should do so on the first fine day. + +It so happened that all the days were fine, so every day Diana and I +watched for the small cloud in the distance that should herald their +approach, and one day it appeared, no bigger than a man's hand. When +it came nearer it was considerably bigger, and it finally assumed +the dimensions of Zerlina, Hyacinth, the twins, Teddy, and a small +nursery-maid. Betty was immensely delighted with the twins, her one +ambition in life being to have twins of her own. Failing that, and every +birthday only brought fresh disappointment in its wake, the care of +somebody else's was the next best thing. + +They really were delicious people, so round and so solemn. Hugh, for +the moment, was engrossed in Teddy; Teddy having, among other things, +a knife with "things in it," most of which he was mercifully unable to +open. It was the certainty of being able to do so on the part of Hugh, +which made him so deliriously busy. Sara was out of it, having no one +as yet to play with, and she was proud and disdainful in consequence. I +knew that Betty would shortly have one twin to spare, perhaps two, but +this Sara could not guess, knowing nothing of twins. + +"Now, Sara," I said, "we will build a castle all for our very own +selves." + +"Our velly, velly own selves," said Sara, hugging her spade with +ecstasy. "A velly, velly big castle." + +"Very, very big," I replied. + +"A bemormous castle?" + +"An enormous castle," I said, starting to dig the foundations. + +"Dat's a velly, velly vitty hole," said Sara. + +"It's going to be a castle, darling." + +"For Yaya to live in?" + +"Perhaps." + +"And Nannie and Aunt Woggles and Hugh and Betty and muvver?" + +Sara danced with joy at the prospect, and Sara dancing in +bathing-drawers was distracting. I dug industriously, however, and it +was very hot. Sara looked on, occasionally watering the castle and me +too. + +"Not too much water, darling," I said, "because it makes Aunt Woggles so +wet." + +Sara subsided for the moment. "Is it a velly big castle?" she asked +every now and then with evident anxiety. + +"It's going to be, darling," I said. + +"It's a velly, velly small castle now," she said sadly. + +I dug harder and harder, and it seemed to me that the castle was +becoming quite a respectable size, but Sara's interest had flagged. + +"Aunt Woggles," she said. + +"Yes, darling," I answered. + +"Sall we dig a velly, velly deep hole, velly, velly deep, for all ve +cwabs, and all ve vitty fish, and Nannie and Aunt Woggles?" + +"A very big hole," I said; "but look at the lovely castle!" + +"Yaya doesn't yike 'ollid ole castles," she said. + +I began to dig a hole. One does these things, I find, for the Saras of +this world, and Sara was for the moment enchanted, but it didn't last +long. + +"Yaya's so sirsty," she said. "Yaya wants a 'ponge cake." + +"I think you would rather have some milk, darling," I said. + +"Yaya's so sirsty," she said in a very sad voice. "Yaya would yike a +'ponge cake!" + +"Very well, darling; but don't you want to dig any more?" + +"No," she said. "Yaya doesn't yike digging." + +Now was that fair?--digging, indeed, when it was the poor aunt who had +been digging all the time. When I told Diana of this she shook her head +and said,-- "Betty, it frightens me. Do you think Sara will grow up that +sort of woman?" + +"What sort of woman?" + +"Like Polly in Charles Dudley Warner's 'My Summer in a Garden.' You +remember when the husband says, 'Polly, do you know who planted that +squash, or those squashes?'" + +"'James, I suppose.' + +"'Well, yes, perhaps James did plant them, to a certain extent. But who +hoed them?' + +"'We did.'" + +"Well, it seems to me," I said, "that she was rather a delightful +person." + +"In a book, absolutely delightful. I am only thinking of Sara's husband, +poor man! You see Polly's husband was an American, and that makes all +the difference. You remember I told you of a man I met who in decorating +his house wanted to have red walls as a background to his beautiful +pictures, and his wife wanted to have green. I asked him what he did, +and he said he made a compromise. I said how clever of him, how did he +do it? and he said, 'We had green!' You see, Betty, what an American +husband means!" + +"Well, to return to Sara's, you need not worry. I think he will, in +all probability, be in such raptures over the possession of anything +so delicious as Sara promises to be, that he will overlook these little +pluralities on her part." + +"Yes, Betty, of course; but does that sort of thing last?" + +"You ought to know, to a certain extent." + +"Ah! but then David is such a dear." + +"I think it is quite likely that Sara will find a dear too." + +"I hope so, oh! how I hope so!" said Diana. "I often wonder what it must +be to find you have given your daughter to some one who is unkind to +her. I can hardly imagine so great a sorrow! I dare not even think of +David the day Betty marries. He says he thinks it must be worse for a +father than a mother." + +"I wonder," I said. "I think a mother perhaps has a greater belief in +the goodness of men; a woman, a happy woman certainly, has so little +knowledge of men, other than her own." + +"Yes," said Diana, "a good father and a good husband give one a very +deep rooted faith and belief in the goodness of mankind generally. How +we are prosing, Betty!" + +Zerlina meanwhile sat on a rock, of the hardness of which she +complained. She found fault with our cove, the sun was too hot and the +wind was too strong. But then she had driven ten miles in a wagonette +under Teddy and the twins, so it was no wonder she grumbled a little. + +"I can't think," she said plaintively, "why my hair doesn't look nice +when it blows about in the wind, and I hate myself sun burnt. I can't +bear seeing my nose wherever I look. You and Betty are the stuff martyrs +are made of. It would be comparatively easy to walk to the stake if you +had the right amount of hair hanging down behind; without it, no amount +of religious conviction would avail. Oh dear, I used to have such lots, +before I had measles! I hardly knew what to do with it!" + +"That's rather what we find with Betty's," said Diana; "we plait it up +as tight as we can, don't we, darling?" she said, re-tying the ribbon +which secured Betty's very thick pigtail. + +"I had twice as much as Betty, at her age, I'm sure," said Zerlina, +forgetting a photograph which stands on Jim's dressing-table, of a small +fat girl with very little hair and that rather scraggy. But what does it +matter? These are the sort of traditions women cling to. + +Someone suggested building a steamship in the sand, grown-ups, children, +and all, and Hugh was told to go and make a second-class berth. He +retired to a short distance, and no sound coming from his direction, we +looked round and saw him in ecstatic raptures, rocking himself backward +and forward. + +"What are you doing, Hugh?" we said. + +"Well," said Hugh, "I was told to make a second-class berth. I suppose +that means twins, and I 'm nursing them." + +Zerlina took it quite well, and was easily persuaded that there was no +insult intended to her twins in particular. + +A few minutes later Sara appeared, triumphant, having apparently found a +small child to play with. + +"Who is your little friend, Sara?" I asked. + +She shook her head. She didn't know, but he was delicious to play with +for all that, and she bore him off in triumph. + +He was not long unsought, for a young girl came anxiously towards us and +said, "Have you seen a little boy?" + +It reminded me a little of the story, the other way round, of a lost boy +who asked a man, "Please, sir, have you seen a man without a little boy, +because if you have, I'm the little boy." + +She looked as anxious and as distraught as that little boy must have +looked, I am sure. + +"I think," said Diana, "you will find him behind that rock.--Sara," +called Diana, "bring the little boy here." + +A small portion of Sara's person appeared round the rock:--"We're velly +busy," she said. + +So rapidly do women make friendships! + +"He's quite safe," said Diana; "your little brother, I suppose?" + +The girl blushed. "No, I'm his mother," she said. + +She looked so young and so pretty, and her hair must have moved Zerlina +to tears, it was so beautiful, and grew so prettily on her forehead. But +she looked too young to be searching for lost babies all by herself. + +"How old is he?" asked Diana. + +"He's three," she said; then added, "his father never saw him; he went +to the war soon after we were married, and he was killed. Baby is just +like him," and she unfastened a miniature she wore on a chain round her +neck and handed it to Diana. + +I am sure Diana saw nothing but a blur, but she managed to say, "You +must be glad! Come and see my little girl, she is very much the same +age." + +"What an extraordinarily communicative person!" said Zerlina as they +walked off. "Just imagine telling strangers the whole of your history +like that. I wonder if her husband left her well off." + +"Can't you see he did?" I said. + +"No; I don't think she is very well dressed, but you never can tell with +that picturesque style of dressing. It may or may not be expensive; even +that old embroidery only means probably that she had a grandmother. +It is a terrible thing for a girl of that age to be left with a boy to +bring up. I know, Betty, just what you are thinking--cold, heartless, +mercenary Zerlina! But I'm practical." + +When Diana came back, I could see in her face that she knew all about +the poor little widow. It is wonderful what a comfort it seems to be +even to strangers to confide in Diana. For one thing I feel sure they +know that she won't tell, and that makes all the difference. It is a +relief sometimes to tell some one, although some things can be better +borne when nobody knows. But I imagine there was little bitterness in +the sorrow of this girl widow. She too had learned something from Diana, +for she turned to me and said, "Are you a relation of Captain Lisle?" + +"If his name is Archie," I said, "I am his sister." + +"I've met him," and she blushed. + +This, then, was the girl Archie longed to save from drowning, and who +inspired him with a desire to sing hymns on Sunday evenings. Dear old +Archie! I could imagine his tender, susceptible heart going out to the +little widow. But I said to myself, "It's no good, Archie dear, not yet +at all events, not while she looks as she does over the sea," for I was +sure it was far away in a grave on the lonely veldt that her heart was +buried. + +"He is so devoted to children, isn't he?" she said. "He was so good to +my baby. I find that men are so extraordinarily fond of children. I am +afraid they will spoil him." + +Whereupon the baby burst into a long dissertation on a present he had +lately received. It sounded something like this:-- + +"Mormousman give boy a yockerile an a epelan, anye yockerile yanan yan +all over de jurnmer yunder de hoha an eberelyyare." + +He then proceeded to turn bead over heels, or try to, and was sharply +rebuked by Sara, who rearranged his garments with stern severity, +and then was about to show him the right method, when she in turn was +stopped by Nannie. + +One of the twins arrived at this moment to say that Hugh had called him +bad names. Betty the peacemaker explained that Hugh had called him +a wicket keeper, and the twin had thought he had called him a wicked +keeper. So that was all right. We suggested that, in any case, the twin +wasn't the best person to be wicket keeper. But he went in twice running +to make up, and Hugh gave him several puddings as well. "Puddings," the +nursery-maid explained, were first balls, and didn't count. + +"Betty," I said, "you've got a hole in your stocking!" + +"I hope it 's not a Jacob's ladder," said Betty. + +"Hush, darling, hush," said Hugh; "you know we mustn't be irreverent!" + +It was during an interval when we rested and drank milk and ate cake, +those of us who would or could, that we discovered that the little widow +was staying with a very old friend of my father's and mother's. + +"And where does Lady Mary live?" asked Diana. + +"Just over there. Do come and see her; she will be so delighted to see +you and to show you the garden, which is quite famous." + + + + +Chapter XVI + + +The following day Diana got a delightful letter from Lady Mary asking us +to go to luncheon, or to tea, or to both, or whatever we liked best, so +long as it was at once, and that we stayed a long time, and brought all +the children. She offered to send for us, but going in a donkey-cart was +a stipulation on the part of the children, otherwise they could not or +would not tear themselves away from the sand and all its fascinations. +Sara was particularly offended at having to get out to tea, and more so +at not being allowed to go in her bathing-drawers. But a mushroom hat +trimmed with daisies appeased her, and even at that early age she saw +the incongruity of that hat and those nether garments. They were packed, +Hugh, Betty, Sara, and the nursery-maid, into the donkey-cart. Betty was +supposed to drive, but Hugh and Sara had so large a share in the stage +direction of that donkey, that I wonder we ever arrived. We did. +Our approach was not dignified. The donkey would eat the lawn at the +critical moment, and neither the stern rebukes of Sara, nor the gentle +persuasion of Betty, had any effect; neither, to tell the truth, had the +chastisements of Hugh. Of Diana's efforts and mine it is unnecessary +to speak; they only made us very hot. As to Nannie, she said she would +rather have ten children to deal with. + +There were horribly tidy and beautifully dressed people walking about on +the lawn, people who had never, I felt sure, been called upon to speak +unkindly to a donkey. It was a little tactless of them, I thought, in +view of our flushed cheeks, to appear so calm and cool, but they were +quite kind, and I noticed that Diana as usual held a little court of her +own, not entirely as the mother of Sara, either. Hugh and Betty too made +friends, and hearing shouts of laughter coming from Hugh's audience, I +went, aunt-like, to see what was happening, and I heard Hugh saying:-- + +"I've got another! What did the skeleton--" + +"Hugh," I said, "I want you!" + +"I'm asking riddles, Aunt Woggles." + +"Yes, but have you seen the tortoise?" + +The situation was saved. + +I look back to the rest of that afternoon, and it is all blur and +confusion. I remember the loveliness of the gardens, the peeps of +distant moorland through arches of pink ramblers. I remember how the sun +shone and how beautiful everything was, and above all and through all +those confused memories I hear the quiet, gentle voice of Lady Mary as +she talked to me of things of which I had thought no one knew anything. +She asked me, I remember, if I would like to see the garden, and I loved +her for her graciousness, her affection, and for her love for my mother. +I could see even in the way she looked at me that it was of my mother he +was thinking, and I remember, in answer to her question whether I liked +the garden, saying I thought it was quite beautiful and so peaceful! + +She said, "That is what I feel, the peace of it all. But you, dear +Betty, are too young to feel that. It is as we grow older that the +promise of peace holds out so much. But to the young, life is before +them!" + +All that, I remember quite clearly, and a little more. I can still see +Lady Mary, so beautiful, so calm, so confident in the peace which the +future held for her. Then all of a sudden came these words, "Betty, I +liked your hero so much; what happened?" + +It was a too sudden opening of prison doors. I was blinded by the light. +I could say nothing. My secret, I felt, was wrested from me. I had +ceased almost to try to hide it, it seemed so safe. What--could I say? + +Lady Mary went on: "It is not from curiosity that I ask, but from a very +real and deep interest. Your dear mother used so often to talk of your +future. Her love for you was very wonderful, Betty." + +I looked away to the purple hills and longed to escape, but she laid her +hand on mine with a gentle pressure. "I liked him so much. His gentle +chivalry appealed to me; it is a thing one does not meet every day. Some +one, I remember, described him as being as hard as nails and full of +sentiment, which was a charming description of a delightful character +and a rare combination. All women, I think, would have their heroes +strong, and the sentiment makes all the difference in life. If it is +money, Betty dear, as I imagine it is, that must come right. It was +money?" + +"His father got into difficulties, no fault of his own, that--and +friends made mischief." + +"And he is helping his father," continued Lady Mary. "And while he is +doing that, he thinks he has no right to bind a woman." + +How could I say when I didn't know? "Men make that mistake; they forget +how much easier it is for a woman to wait bound than to be free, not +knowing. They don't distinguish between the woman who wants to get +married and the woman who loves. Remember, Betty, how hard it must be +for him. I am not sure that his is not the harder part." + +"If he cares," I said. + +"I am sure he cares," said Lady Mary softly. "There are secrets that are +not mine, Betty, but there is one that is--the money shall come right. I +had been looking out for a hero for some time when I met yours. This +is strictly between ourselves, and you must remember that all my young +people are so ludicrously well off, that an old woman doing as she likes +with her own will do no one any harm. If I had had children, that, of +course, would have made a difference. To me, who have lived the quiet +life I have lately lived, the soldier, the man of action, appeals very +strongly. Much as I love this place, it seems to me that I should love +it still more if it came as quiet after a storm, a haven of rest after +the battle of life." + +Then she spoke of Diana. "Hers is a wonderful character, and I often +think how beautiful it is that she should follow your dear mother at +Hames." + +"You feel that?" I said. + +"Very, very strongly, dear. How happy it must have made her to feel that +her grandchildren should have such a mother. I may be wrong, and you +will smile at an old woman's prejudice and think that she is looking +back with prejudiced eyes into that wonderful past which is always so +much better than any present. I am not, but still it seems to me that +Diana has something that all young people have not got nowadays, a +reverence for the old, an admiration for the good, and a pity for the +poor and distressed. These things take you far through life, dear, and, +combined with her wonderful vitality and beauty, make her a power. + +"Talking of your beautiful mother, it was said years ago that she was +the only woman of whom I had ever been jealous. I am old enough to +tell you these things. It is the privilege of the old to enlist the +sympathies of the young! But it was not true. I had every reason to be +jealous, as had most women I ever saw, but jealousy in connection with +anything so perfect as your mother, I think, was not possible. Her +beauty was of the kind which disarms jealousy. It was beyond comparison +or criticism. It seemed to belong to another world, and yet she was so +tender to the sinners, so understanding, so full of loving kindness. +Hers was a beauty of the soul as well as the body, and that beauty is as +remote from the everyday prettiness as the earth is from the stars. Her +expression had something of the divine in it, as if she had seen God +face to face. I see the same look coming in Diana's face. Old Sir George +used to say it would be worth committing a sin to be forgiven by your +mother. He said her look was a benediction." + +As I said good-by to Lady Mary, she held my hand and said, "Betty dear, +you will some day forgive an interfering old woman, and in days to come, +when you look to these distant hills, you will remember this day with a +kind thought for your beautiful mother's old friend." + +"Isn't Lady Mary a darling?" said Diana, as we walked home through the +scented lanes on that most wonderful of summer evenings. "You look as if +you had been seeing visions, Betty, quite dazed like, as Nannie used to +say." + +"I often see visions," I said. + +"Have you been crying, Aunt Woggles?" said Hugh. "Were all the peaches +gone when you got back?" + +Betty slipped her little hand into mine. "You promised to let me walk +with you for a little. Shall we pick honeysuckle, supposing we see any?" + +"Yes, we will, darling." + +"Supposing you can't reach it," she said. + +"There is always some within reach." + +"I suppose grown-ups can always reach things," said Betty. + +Later, in the quiet darkness of the night, I could picture the garden, +the roses, the distant moor, Lady Mary's beautiful face, but I could not +bring myself to believe that I had really heard those words, "I am sure +that he cares." + +Surely I had dreamed them, or Lady Mary had, because if they were true, +why had he said nothing? How should he have told her what he could not +tell me? + + + + +Chapter XVII + + +Then came that wonderful morning on which I read that Captain Paul +Buchanan was coming home, was expected to arrive that very day. I opened +the paper at breakfast, as usual and my eyes caught the word that at +any time had the power to set my heart thumping and to send the blood +rushing to my head, a word common enough, and which to most people, +beyond relating to a country always interesting, means little--Africa. +It is curious that a day that is to change the whole of one's life +should begin exactly like any other day. Of the most important things we +have no premonition, most of us. + +That what I longed and prayed for every hour of my life should come to +pass was not wonderful, but that a day on which I was to be called to +make the greatest sacrifice of my life should steal stealthily upon me +seems strange. + +That morning when I came downstairs, my little house in Chelsea looked +exactly like it always had done. The sun shone as the sun does shine +in the early winter in London, and no more, until after I had read that +paragraph; then, behold a new world was born. Why had my eyes been +blind to the gloriousness of the morning? Why had I thought the day an +ordinarily dull one with just the amount of pale sunshine which is meted +out to those happy people who are wise enough to live within easy reach +of the river? Yes, I know, some people do say that Chelsea is foggy. + +It depends so much on their lives. No place could be foggy to me that +day. My fear was that Nannie should read the news in my face. I looked +away when she said, "Anything in the paper?" as she had said a hundred +times before. She always came to see me eat my breakfast, so she said, +but I knew it was really to hear the news. I handed her the paper, +although I hated to let the words out of my sight, and she glanced at +it. She paused and walked to the window. Kind Nannie, she was giving me +time. She blew her nose, she was crying, she knew. A double knock at the +door brought my heart to a standstill. Lady Mary was right, he did care. +It seemed hours before the telegram was brought to me. I hardly dared +to open it. There is some happiness too great to bear. I opened it and +read:-- + + +Sara very ill. Come at once. + + DIANA + +"Nannie," I said, "I am going to Hames." + +"To-day?" she said. She knew it was my day of days. + +"I must, Nannie. Will you come?" + +"No; I'll stay here. Poor Mrs. David, whatever will she do?" + +I could hardly imagine, and I am glad to remember that my sorrow seemed +a small thing compared to hers. + +It would be impossible for me to describe that journey. The train crept +along. It seemed to stop hours at the station. No one seemed to remember +that Sara was ill. I felt the grip of a cold hand on my heart. Should +I ever arrive? I did at last, and found a groom waiting for me at the +station, with a dogcart. His mouth twitched, and he could hardly control +his voice to tell me that there was no fresh news. The carriages were +wanted for the doctors; did I mind the dogcart? Mind? I could have urged +the horse to a gallop, and yet I dreaded to arrive. + +It was strange to pass through the quiet, deserted hall, up the stairs, +and to hear no sound. A nurse opened a door and spoke in a whisper. I +went into the room, and not until I saw Diana, so lovely in her grief, +did I realize the agony of her suffering. She put out her hand and +silently pressed mine. I turned away so that she should not see my face. + +A man, a stranger to me, sat by the bedside, his eyes fixed on the child +lying there. He was the great London doctor, in whom I could see all +hope was centered. There were other doctors and nurses, I believe, but +it all seemed confusion to me now; but poor, broken hearted Nannie I +remember. She stood at a distance. Not a sound was uttered, and I took +up my watch with the others, to watch that precious life ebbing away. +The soft flitting backward and forward of nurses, a word now and then +from the great man who held not only the life of Sara in his hands, but, +it seemed to me, the life of my beautiful Diana, only broke the intense +silence. The night came on and we still watched. + +The doctor's face became sterner and graver and the little life weaker, +or so it seemed to me. Diana knelt at the side of the bed. She never +moved. + +As the dawn broke, Sara opened her eyes and said, "Nannie." + +Diana rose and beckoned to Nannie. Nannie hesitated, and Diana, taking +her hand, whispered, "Dear Nannie, I am so glad," and gave up her place. +It is not given to all of us to reach great heights, but Diana at that +moment, I think, reached the divine in human nature. Then came the +moment, too wonderful to think of, when the doctor told Diana that the +great danger was over. + +Later he said to David, "My boy, you have given your children the +greatest of all blessings in their mother. Thank God for her every +moment of your life. I've seen many mothers and many sick children, +but--thank God, and don't forget it." + +Dear David, I think most of us thank God oftener than we know and in +many and divers ways, and I am not sure that David does not do it every +time he looks at Diana. + + + + +Chapter XVIII + + +Sara, having got over the crisis and being on the fair road to +recovery,--children recover quickly,--my heart turned towards home--and +a longing to get back obsessed me. I could think of nothing but home, +now that Diana's immediate need of me was over. She begged me to stay +with her. To fail her at such a moment was a great grief to me, but I +could make no further sacrifice. I must go home. + +"I must go, David," I urged. + +"Of course, if you must, you must, Betty, but I should have thought +after all Diana has gone through, you would have stayed with her. You +have always been so much to each other." + +How he hurt me, as if I wouldn't do anything in the world for Diana; but +I must go home. + +"David," I said in desperation, "I must go. If I promise to come back +directly, you won't misunderstand my going?" + +"I'll try to understand, Betty, that you have some very strong reason +for going back." + +"Thank you, David," I said. + +"But," he continued, "you must tell Diana yourself." + +I went to her room, where she was lying down. "Diana, darling," I said, +"I want very much to go home, if only for a day." + +"Of course, Betty, you must go. But don't look so distressed. I must +have been selfish if I gave you the impression that I would not let you +go. It is only that I love so having you, you are such a rock, and +oh! it seems like some awful and terrible dream we have been through, +doesn't it? Sara asked for her darling bunny today. Think what that +means! Darling Betty, I pray that some great happiness may come to you +some day. I begin to believe that the greatest joys come through the +greatest sorrows." + +"Don't, Diana," I whispered. "I can't bear you to be too kind. I suppose +it's all we've been through, but I feel." + +"I know, Betty," she whispered. "I lie here too tired to do anything but +thank God. I ache with thankfulness, for you among other blessings. Come +back soon." + +"What did Diana say?" asked David, who was waiting outside the door. +"Did she understand?" + +"Understand? Did you ever know a time when Diana didn't understand?" + +I went. Oh, the joy of setting out towards home! That ridiculously small +house in Chelsea in which were centered all my hopes. Some word might +be there waiting for me. Nannie might have thought nothing of sufficient +importance to forward at such a moment. How I hoped that was it, and +that it might be there, else all my hopes were shattered. + +I opened the door with my latchkey. I looked. No telegram lay on the +table; that I saw at a glance. Then Nannie appeared. She was crying. + +"Nannie," I said, "don't cry, she is much better, and is going to get +quite well; only I had to come home." + +How explain to Nannie that I had left Sara and Diana at such a moment! + +"Your bat's crooked," said Nannie. + +"You ridiculous old person," I said, "what does that matter?" Nannie +sniffed. I put my hat straight. "Is that better?" + +"Yes, it's better, it'll do," she answered, not quite satisfied, +evidently. I wondered why she asked no questions. Why had I come home to +this? No wonder David had been surprised at my leaving Diana! What was +the use? + +Then Nannie said with a startling suddenness, "Some one is waiting for +you upstairs." + +"Someone for me, Nannie. What do you mean?" + +"He's waiting," she said, between laughter and sobs. "He's waiting." + +I often wonder how I had the strength to go upstairs and open the +door. But I did, and there surely enough he stood, only a few feet of +green-painted boards separating us. How I crossed them I never knew. He +came halfway, no doubt. + +I should never have done the journey alone, and I wondered too how it +was we met as lovers! That was the most wonderful part of all. How, when +I did not even know that he cared, could it have happened? It was all +too wonderful, and I was too dazed with happiness to question anything +at the moment. I only knew that the world had become a paradise, and +that the past years of doubt and perplexity had fallen away like a +disused garment. + +Then we began to talk, and the mystery deepened. He spoke of a telegram. +I had never received one! And my telegram? I had never sent one! He +laughed, and when I said I didn't understand, he said what was the use +of understanding when knowing was sufficient? + +It was all very puzzling, but I was content. There was so much to talk +of, so many explanations to make and to hear! But in time we came back +to the telegram. There had been no such thing! + +He laughed. "I have it here," he said, putting his hand on his +coat-pocket. + +"Show it to me," I pleaded. + +Never; it was his, and his alone. + +"But nothing is yours now that is not mine," I urged, "at least, if you +have asked me to marry you." + +"Betty," he said, "I quite forgot. I came home for the express purpose +of doing so. I have thought and dreamed of nothing else, all through the +long marches in Africa; all the way home I have thought of that and of +your answer. Betty, will you marry me?" + +"I shall be delighted, Captain Buchanan. But where is my telegram to +you, your telegram to me?" + +"It. I think Nannie must have one." + +"And did she answer it? Oh, what did she say?" + +"Never mind; she said exactly the right thing. Don't let's discuss +Nannie's telegram when we have to make up for the silence of years! +O Betty! shall I wake up?" + +A little later he said, "Tell me, did you care that night at the +Frasers'?" + +I said I never remembered a time when I didn't care. + +"O Betty! if only you hadn't been so proud!" + +"Or you so horribly ununderstandable!" + + + + +Chapter XIX + + +"You wonderful Nannie," I said later, as I sat at her feet, "how did you +do it?" + +"Quite easily," said Nannie. "When I saw that you must go to Hames, as +of course you had to, I thought to myself, I'll wait! Years ago my lady +said to me, I Nannie, don't let my child throw away her own chance of +happiness. I feel that a day may come when she will be called upon to +make a sacrifice, and she will make it, regardless of her own feelings. +You were always giving up your toys and things to the boys; that's what +made your mother think of it. The day she spoke of came the morning the +telegram came from Hames. I had been waiting and waiting so as to be +sure to do what your mother told me, and the day came. You see, I saw +the paper, and I knew!" + +"How, Nannie? No one knew, I thought." + +"Ah, nannies know things; much use they'd be in this world if they +didn't? I know lots of things I'm not supposed to! Well, I waited, and +no telegram came from him that day. There were all sorts of things about +him in the evening paper, being a hero and a lion and all those sort of +things. Then the next day the telegram came. The ship had been late; you +never can tell with ships. Leave ships to sailors, I say. Well, I opened +the telegram. It said, 'Will you see me if I come straight to you?' or +some such words, and I answered it." + +"What did you say, Nannie?" + +"I don't see that that matters. There's nothing in words, and I'm no +scholar." + +"Nannie dear, it does matter. It meant everything in the world to me. If +only you knew how happy I am, how ridiculously happy." + +"It's all right, then. I've done what she said." A rapturous smile +illuminated her old face. + +"All right, Nannie?" + +Only a hug can express some things. Nannie straightened her cap. "Well, +then," she said, drawing herself up, "I couldn't do it for sixpence, +it cost ninepence halfpenny. I said, 'Come. Been waiting for you for +years.'" + +"Nannie!" I exclaimed. + + +THE END + + + + + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Professional Aunt, by Mary C.E. 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Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: The Professional Aunt + +Author: Mary C.E. Wemyss + +Release Date: May, 2004 [EBook #5736] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on August 19, 2002] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, THE PROFESSIONAL AUNT *** + + + + + +This etext was produced by Sean Pobuda. + + + + +THE PROFESSIONAL AUNT + +By Mary C. E. Wemyss + + + + +Chapter I + + +A boy's profession is not infrequently chosen for him by his +parents, which perhaps accounts for the curious fact that the +shrewd, business-like member of a family often becomes a painter, +while the artistic, unpractical one becomes a member of the Stock +Exchange, in course of time, naturally. + +My profession was forced upon me, to begin with, by my sisters-in- +law, and in the subsequent and natural order of things by their +children -- my nephews and nieces. + +Zerlina says it is the duty of one woman in every family to be an +aunt. By that she means of course a professional aunt. She says +she does not understand the longing on the part of unattached +females -- the expression is hers, not mine - for a larger sphere +of usefulness than that which aunt hood offers. She considers that +it affords full scope for the energies of any reasonably +constituted woman; and no doubt, if the professional aunt was all +that Zerlina says she should be, she would have her time fully +occupied in the discharging of her duties. + +Zerlina cannot see that it is not exactly a position of a woman's +own choosing, although under strong pressure she has been known to +admit that there have been cases in which women have been made +aunts whether they would or no; and she thinks it is perhaps by +way of protest against such usage that they so shamefully neglect +their duties in that walk of life to which their bothers and +sister-in-law have seen fit to call them. + +Of course, when an aunt marries, she loses at once all the +perfecting of the properly constituted aunt; and that is a thing +to be seriously considered. Is she wise in leaving a profession +for which all her sisters-in-law think she is admirably fitted, +for one which the most experienced pronounce a lottery? + +This is all of course written from Zerlina's point of view. She +requires of a professional aunt many things. She must, to begin +with, remember the birthdays of all her nephews and nieces, of +Zerlina's children in particular. If she remembers their +birthdays, it stand to reason, Zerlina's reason, that the sequence +of thought is - presents. + +The really successful aunt knows the particular taste of each +nephew and niece. She knows, moreover, the exact moment at which +the taste changes from a love for woolly rabbits to a passion for +steam engines. Instinct tells her at what age a child maybe +promoted, with safety, from wool to paint, and she knows the +critical moment in a boy's life when a Bible should be bestowed. +It usually, or perhaps I should say my experience is that it +usually, follows the first knife, an ordinary two-bladed knife, +and comes the birthday before a knife -- with things in it." The +real boy must have a knife with things in it: a corkscrew,-- I +wonder why a corkscrew? -- a buttonhook, a thing to take stones +out of horses' hoofs, a thing to mend traces with -- I know I am +ignorant of the technical terms -- but the hardest-hearted shop- +assistant will never fail to help a professional aunt in the +choice of a knife, unless by chance he should be unhappy enough +never to have been a boy, and such cases are rare. + +I used often to wonder why boys wanted all these things. Now I +know, bemuse I asked Dick and he said, You see, Aunt Woggles, I +use them for other things." I am not sure that most of us don't +do the same thing with many of our most cherished possessions in +life. + +As regards steam-engines Zerlina lays down a distinct law. They +must never burst-that is an injury no sister-in-law would ever +forgive - and paint must never come off. If Zerlina had known and +loved the taste of crimson lake in the days of her youth, she +would never draw so hard and fast a line. + +From the earliest moment in a baby's career, the professional aunt +takes upon herself serious responsibilities. She may not, for +instance, like any ordinary aunt, pass the baby in his +perambulator, out walking. Any other aunt may, with perfect +propriety, say, "Hullo, duckie, where's auntie?" and pass on. She +knows the danger of stopping, and seeks to avoid it. Not so the +professional aunt. She realizes the danger and faces it. She +knows she will have to wait, for the sake of the child's +character, until he shall choose to say, "Ta-ta." + +He will probably, if he is a healthy child, say everything he +knows but that. He will go through his limited vocabulary in a +pathetically obliging manner, making the most beautiful "moo-moos +" and "quack-quacks," but he will not say, "Ta-ta." Why should +he? On persuasion, and more especially if the interview should +take place at a street-corner on a windy March day, he will repeat +the "moo-moos" and "quack-quacks" even more successfully than +before, and he will wonder in what way they fall short of +perfection, since he earns no praise. He likes to be rewarded +with, "Kevver boy." We all do, just as a matter of form, if +nothing else. Surely ordinary politeness demands it. + +He will not say, "Ta-ta," though. Who knows but what it is innate +politeness on his part and his way of saying, "Oh, don't go! What +a flying visit!" + +However, the professional aunt cannot be sure of this, although +she can guess; so she must wait patiently, for the sake of +Baby's morals and nurse's feelings, until he does say, "Ta-ta." +We may suppose that he at last loses his temper and says it, +meaning, no doubt, "For goodness sake, go!" if not something +stronger. The nurse is satisfied, the aunt is released, and the +conscientious objector is wheeled away. + +Besides ministering to the soul of a baby the aunt must tend to +its bodily needs, and for this reason she must be a good +needlewoman. + +Before the arrival of the first nephew or niece, when she is very +unprofessional, she will hastily put her work under the sofa or +behind the cushion when any one comes into the room. As she grows +older and more professional, and the nephews and nieces become +more numerous, she will give up hiding her work. People who are +intimately connected with the family will show no surprise, and to +inquisitive strangers, unless she is very religious, she can +murmur something about a crèche, so long, of course, as Zerlina is +not there. + +The really successful aunt, one who is at the top of her +profession, can perfectly well be trusted to take all the children +to the Zoo alone; that is to say, without a nurse, and of course +without the mother. The mother knows how pleased and gratified an +aunt feels on being given the entire charge of the children. The +nurse is gratified too; in fact every one is pleased, with perhaps +the exception of the aunt. But it is against professional +etiquette for her to say so. She only wonders why mothers think a +privilege they hold so lightly -- taking the children to the Zoo - +- should be so esteemed by other women. But as the old story goes, +"Hush, darling, hush, the doctor knows best," so must we say, -- +Mothers know best." + +Another qualification in a professional aunt, desirable if not +indispensable, is tact. If she should be possessed of ever so +little, it will save her a considerable amount of bother. She +won't, in a moment of mental aberration, praise dark-eyed children +to Zerlina, whose children have blue eyes. Should she do so, by +some unlucky chance, it would take several expeditions to the Zoo, +and probably one to Kew, before things were as they were. If +Zerlina, however, should, by the expedition of the aunt and +children to Kew, be enabled to do something she very much wanted +to do, and couldn't, because the nurse's father was ill, and the +nursery-maid anemic, the little misunderstanding will have +disappeared by the time the aunt returns from Kew, and Zerlina +will say, after carefully counting the children, -- it is this +mathematical tendency in mothers that hurts an aunt, -- "I do +trust you implicitly with the children, dear. You know that; it +isn't every one I could trust; you are so capable! I wish I were, +but one can't be everything. Of course you don't understand a +mother's feelings." + +I sometimes wonder why Zerlina always says this to me. I have +never pretended to be anything but an aunt. + +But to return to my profession. As the children grow older the +duties of the aunt become more arduous. For the benefit of +schoolboy nephews with exeats, she must have an intimate +acquaintance with the Hippodrome, any exhibition going, every +place of instruction, of a kind, or amusement. She must be +thoroughly up in matinees,, and know what plays are frightfully +exciting, and she must have a nice taste in sweets. She need not +necessarily eat them; it is perhaps better if she does not. But +she must know where the very best are to be procured. She must +never get tired. She must love driving in hansoms and going on +the top of 'buses. She must know where the white ones go, and +where the red ones don't, although a mistake on her part is +readily forgiven, if it prolongs the drive without curtailing a +performance of any kind. This requires great experience. She +must set aside, moreover, a goodly sum every year for professional +expenses. + +The foregoing are a few of the qualifications which Zerlina thinks +essential in aunts. There are others, and the greatest of them is +love. Zerlina forgot to mention that. + + + + +Chapter II + + +But Diana! That is another story. Open the windows wide, let in +the fresh air, the whispering of trees, the song of the birds, and +all that is good and beautiful in nature. The very thought of +Diana is sunshine. She is as God meant us to be, happy and good, +believing in the goodness of others, slow to find evil in them, +quick to forgive it, infinitely pitiful of the sorrows of the +suffering. This is Diana, and she has three children, Betty, +Hugh, and Sara. Allah be praised! + +You do not imagine that I dislike Zerlina, do you? I should be +sorry to give that impression. But a professional aunt must be +above all things absolutely straightforward and truthful. + +I had been engaged for weeks to go to Hames for the first shoot, +and an urgent telegram from Zerlina, followed by a feverish +letter, failed to move me from my purpose. The telegram, by the +way, ran as follows: "Can you Tuesday for fortnight. Do. Urgent. +ZERLINA." I wondered why Zerlina elected to leave out "come." If +I had been strictly economizing, I should have saved on the "do." +The letter followed in due course of time: - + +Dear Betty, I have just sent a wire in frantic haste asking you to +come [that was exactly what she had not done] on Tuesday for a +fortnight. I should so much like you to see something of the +children, and Baby really is very fascinating. She is such a fat +child, much fatter than Muriel's baby, who is six months older. +The fact is, Jim is rather run down; nothing much, of course, but +I think a change would do him good, and the Staveleys have asked +us to go to them, and I don't like to refuse, and we thought it +would be such a good opportunity to have my bedroom re-papered and +painted. I don't believe you would smell the paint, and in any +case I believe there is some new kind of paint which smells +delicious, like stephanotis, I am told, so I will order that. I +would not ask you to come just as we are going away, because I +should like to be at home to see you, but I could go away so +happily if you were with the children; I often think for a woman +without children, you are so wonderfully understanding, about +children, I mean. You could manage nurse, too, I am sure. She is +in one of her moods just now, and I feel I must get away from all +worries for a little. + +Yours, + +ZERLINA + +P. S. -- Jim is so well, and would send his love if he were here. + +I telegraphed back, of course, directly I got Zerlina's telegram, +saying I could not come, and answered the letter at leisure. It is +as a sister-in-law in relation to the aunt that Diana particularly +shines. This aunt she looks upon as something more than useful, and +asks her to stay at other times than when the children have measles, +and whooping-cough, or the bedroom is to be re-papered. Zerlina +perhaps is unfortunate. She says, "Have you ever noticed how the +children always have something when you come to stay?" Zerlina is +quite pretty when she puts her head on one side. I answer, "Yes, +Zerlina, I have noticed it curiously enough," but I do not say that +I suspect that at the very first sound of a cough, at the very first +appearance of a rash, this aunt is urged to come and stay. + +Diana accepts such services; the mother of such creatures as +Betty, Hugh, and Sara is forced to do so by very reason of their +existence. But those services she accepts with generous +appreciation; not that an aunt wants thanks, but being human, +pitifully so, even the most professional of them, she is conscious +where they are not expressed, in some form or other. A smile is +enough. + +So to Hames I went, in spite of Zerlina's appeal, with treasures +deep down in my box for Betty, Hugh, and Sara. Sara is of all +babes in the world the most fascinating, say sisters-in-law other +than Diana what they will. As a tribute to this fascination, the +largest white rabbit, woolly to a degree undreamed of -- at least +I hoped so -- in Sara's world, was carefully packed in my box, +wrapped cunningly in tissue-paper, and guarded on all sides by +clothing of a soft description. I have known a chiffon skirt put +to strange uses in the interests of Sara. + +I found the carriage waiting for me, and was touched to see that +Croft, the old coachman, had come to meet me himself. It is an +honor he does the family with perhaps two or three exceptions. +When he comes to meet me,, there is a regular program to be gone +through. It varies only in a very slight degree and begins like +this: -- + +I say, "Well, Croft, it is very nice to see you," and he says, +"The same to you, miss, and many of them." He then begins to +"riminize"; the word is his own. He begins with the auspicious +day on which I was born, and describes how he himself went to +fetch the doctor in the dead of the night. He describes minutely +his costume and the part the elements played on the occasion; they +were evidently very much upset. He then goes on to say how he +held me on my first pony, and taught me to ride and drive. Having +finally certificated me as competent to drive a pair of horses +under any circumstances, I ask how the children are, Sara in +particular. Here Croft looks heavenward, and says she looks a +picture, and adds that she looks very like me. The footman knows +that here the program is at an end, Croft having no greater +praise to bestow on mortal woman, and he opens the carriage door +and I get in. + +Diana knows what it is to travel t he distance of three miles in +the suffocating embraces of Hugh and Betty; otherwise she would +probably have sent the children to meet me. + +The smell of the brougham brought my childhood vividly back to me. +I shut my eyes and instinctively put out my hand; and that hand +that was always held out to us as children took mine in its loving +clasp, and I was a child again, home from a visit, so glad to feel +that hand again and to see that mother from whom it was agony to +be parted, for even a short space of time. + + + + +Chapter III + + +When I arrived at Hames, Diana, tall, fair, and beautiful as a +Diana should be, was on the doorstep to meet me. Diana, by the +way, had been christened "Diana Elizabeth," in case she should +have turned out short and dumpy and, by some miraculous chance, +dark. I looked for Sara in the tail of Diana's gown, -- I am +afraid this is a literary license, as Diana does not wear tails to +her gowns in the country as a rule, -- but Sara was not there. + +"She is not there, said Diana. "The children are in the wildest +state of excitement, and will you faithfully promise to go up and +see them directly you have had tea?" + +I would willingly have gone then and there, and murmured something +about my box, and Diana said she hoped I had not brought them +anything. + +"Oh! nothing," I said; "only the smallest things possible"; +knowing all the time that the woolly rabbit was, of its kind, +unrivaled. But these are professional expenses, and what I spend +does not afterwards give me a moment's worry. I have seen David, +on the other hand, speechlessly miserable after buying a +mezzotint, for the time being only, of course; the joy cometh in +the morning, when Diana proves to him that it was the only thing +to do, and that it was really quite wonderful, the way in which he +was led to buy it. He had had no idea of doing so. Not the +slightest! And yet something within him urged him to buy it. +Absolutely urged him! + +Then, Diana said, it was clearly meant. If a man deliberately set +out on a fine morning, bent on spending more than he could afford, +then --! Diana's "then" is always so comforting. + +I am so afraid you will spoil the children, she said; "they expect +presents, which is so dreadful. Hugh bet sixpence at lunch that +you would bring him something, and he said to poor Mr. Hardy, You +didn't." + +"But he will next time, Diana," I said. + +"Of course he will; that is the dreadful part of it." + +It is right that Diana should feel like that. A mother's point of +view and another's, an aunt's, for instance, are totally different +things, and I told Diana that, while fully appreciating her +anxieties regarding the characters of her children, considered +that to destroy a child's faith in an aunt was little short of +criminal. But I promised that the next time I came I would, +perhaps, not bring them anything. "But I shall give them fair +warning." + +Diana admitted the justice of this, and she said, with a sigh of +relief, "I can't bear the children to be disappointed; a +disappointed Sara is --" + +"Diana," I interrupted, "is it wise to begin Saraing at this time +of day?" + +In reality the woolly rabbit was tugging at my heartstrings and +clamoring to be unpacked. After a hurried tea, which I was +obliged to have for the sake of Bindon's feelings, I went +upstairs, resolved to disinter at all costs, without delay, the +rabbit. I felt great anxiety lest in transit the machinery which +made the rabbit squeak in a way that surely no rabbit, mechanical +or otherwise, - particularly the otherwise, I hoped, - had ever +squeaked before, might be impaired; happily it was not. + +Having carefully shut the door and silenced the attendant +housemaid, I took the precaution of burying the rabbit partially +under the eider-down quilt before testing the squeak, so that no +noise should reach the children. I am afraid I "mothered" the +squeak of that rabbit if I imagined it could reach anywhere so +far; it was in reality such a very small one. But such as it was, +it was perfect, in spite of the deadening effect of the quilt, and +I pictured Sara's dimples dimpling. How she would love it! The +treasure was carefully wrapped up again, and I tried hard to make +it look like anything rather than a rabbit, in case Sara should +try, by feeling it, to discover its nature. + +Jane, the housemaid, said that no one could tell, no matter how +much they tried; if they tried all day, they wouldn't, that she +knew for sure; which was very consoling. + +I then examined Hugh's train and Betty's cooking-stove, and found +them intact, with, the exception of a saucepan lid. This, after a +search, we found under the wardrobe. Why do things always go +under things? Jane didn't know - she only knew they did. Then I +opened the door and called. + +Suddenly I heard a noise unearthly in its shrillness: it was Hugh +calling his Aunt Woggles. He threw himself into my arms, keeping +one eye, I could not help noticing, on the parcels. During the +hug, which gave him plenty of time to make up his mind, he +evidently decided which was for him; for he relaxed his hold and +went to the table by the window, on which the parcels lay, +whistling in as careless a manner as a boy bursting with +excitement could do. First of all he stood on one leg, then on +the other, and looked knowingly at me out of the corner of his +eye. He was too honest to pretend that he thought the parcel was +for some other boy, since there was no other. When the excitement +became more than he could bear, he sang in a sing-song voice, "I +see it, I see it!" + +"Open it, then," I said, which he proceeded to do with great +energy, if with little success. + +"I b'lieve it's a knife with things in it," he said. + +My heart sank. "Oh, it's much too big for a knife, Hugh," I +replied. + +"I 'spect it is, all the same," he said with a nod; "you've made +it big on purpose; I positively know you have." + +At last it was opened, and I said, aunt-like, "Do you like it, +Hugh?" + +"Awfully, thanks." Then he added a little wistfully, "Tommy's got +a knife with things in it, a button'ook." + +Perhaps he saw I looked disappointed, for he added magnanimously, +"I like trains next best, Aunt Woggles; only you see I didn't +exactly pray for a train, that's why. What's Betty's?" + +"Betty must open it herself." + +"Don't you suppose," he said, "that she would like me to open it +for her, because it is a hard thing opening parcels -- and Betty +says I may always open all her parcels when she is out." + +"Hugh!" I exclaimed. + +He rushed to the door. "Come on, Betty," he shouted. "Aunt +Woggles wants you." + +If Betty's entrance was less tempestuous than Hugh's, her embrace +was not less ecstatic. She put her arms round my neck and took +her legs off the ground, -- a quite simple process, and known to +most aunts, I expect. The ultimate result would, no doubt, be +strangulation. No one knows, of course, but among aunts it is a +very general belief. Unlike Hugh, Betty kept her eyes religiously +away from parcels, and she got very pink when I drew her attention +to the very nobly one which was hers. Hugh stood by, urging her +to open it, and offering to help her; but this Betty would not +allow, and she opened it, her lips trembling with excitement. + +"Is it for my very own?" she whispered. + +"Absolutely for your very own, Betty," I answered. + +"Oh!" said Betty. "Hugh, it's all for my very, very own; Aunt +Woggles says so; but you may play with it when you are very good." + +This in Hugh's eyes seemed so remote a contingency as to be +scarcely worth consideration. + +When the cooking-stove stood revealed in all its glory, Betty was +silent for a moment; then she said in a voice choked with emotion, +"I shall cook dinners for you, all for your very own self -- +nobody else." + +My heart sank. "You will eat the things, won't you?" she asked, +"if I make proper things, just like real things?" + +"Of course," I said. "Where's Sara?" + +"She wouldn't have her face washed," said Betty, "so she's waiting +till she's good." + +Poor Sara! A strict disciplinarian is Betty! + +The regeneration of Sara was evidently a matter of moments only, +for the words were hardly out of Betty's mouth when Sara, in all +her clean, delicious dumpiness, appeared in the doorway. If there +is one thing more delicious than a grubby Sara, it is a clean +Sara. Sara after gardening is delicious, but Sara clean is +assuredly the cleanest thing on God's earth. I have never seen a +child look so new, and so straight out of tissue-paper, as Sara +can look. She stared solemnly at her Aunt Woggles, and then +proceeded to walk away in the opposite direction, which was an +invitation on her part to me to follow and snatch her up in my +arms. She bore the hug stoically for a reasonable time, and then +said, "Oo 'urt." + +I realized, with the agony of remorse, that a very large aunt can +by means of a brooch inflict exquisite torture on a very small +niece. + +She wriggled herself free and began to rearrange her ruffled +garments. "Yaya's got noo soos," she announced; "ved vuns." + +"No, blue, darling," I said. + +"Ved," said Sara. + +"No, sweetest, blue," I repeated in a somewhat professional but +wholly affectionate manner. + +"Ved," said Sara with great decision; so I gave it up. + +"Sara always thinks blue is red," said Betty; "don't you, +darling?" + +"No, boo," replied Sara; so the matter dropped. + +"Oo's tummin' to see Yaya's toys," said Sara. + +"Am I, darling? When?" + +"Now." + +"But Aunt Woggles has got something for you," I said in a +triumphant voice. + +Sara showed no interest and pulled me by the hand toward the door. + +"Hand me that, Betty," I said, pointing to the parcel on the +table. + +Betty handed it to me. + +"Here, Sara, I said, "I have got a darling white rabbit for you! +Sara! A bunny!" + +"Yaya's got a blush upstairs, a lubbly blush," she said, +disdaining even to look at the parcel. I held it toward her, +undid it, I squeaked the squeak, I called the rabbit endearing +names; but to no purpose. Sara looked the other way. A look I +at last persuaded her to bestow upon the rabbit; but she gazed +at its charms, unmoved. + +"Yaya doesn't yike nasty bunnies, only nice blushes," she said. + +"It's a hearth-brush dressed up," whispered Betty, "and it's +dressed up in my dolly's cape, at least in one of my dolly's +capes; she loves it. Aunt Woggles, do you think it is a good +thing to make hearth-brushes say their prayers? Sara does." + +I followed Sara disconsolately to the nursery and was shown the +beauties of the "lubbly blush." + +Nannie bemoaned her darling's taste, and the nursery-maid blushed +for very shame. + +"Not but what it's quite clean, miss," Nannie said; "it's been +thoroughly washed in carbolic." + +Meanwhile Sara was rocking herself backward and forward in a +manner truly maternal and singing her version of "Jesus Tender" to +her "lubbly blush." + +"I thought she would love the rabbit," I said, and Nannie, by way +of consolation, assured me that there was really nothing Sara +loved so much as a rabbit. I suppose Nannie knew, and that it was +only another instance of the folly of judging from appearances. + +"You will love your bunny, won't you, darling?" said Nannie; "nice +bunny! " + +"Nasty bunny," said Sara with great decision. + +"That's naughty, baby," said Nannie; "nice bunny!" + +"Naughty bunny," said Sara, "vake Yaya's yubbly vitty blush." And +she resumed her singing with religious fervor. + +Nannie was really quite upset, and apologized for her charge. I +accepted the apology and resolved then and there to send the +despised rabbit to the Children's Hospital by the next post. Have +you ever given a toy-balloon to a child, and had the child say, +"Balloons don't amuse?" I have. + +Nannie then, by way of consolation, suggested that Sara should say +her prayers at my knee. It was the greatest compliment she could +pay any one. Sara consented after much pressure, and she knelt +down and proceeded to pack up her face. No other word to my mind +describes the process. First of all she shut her eyes tight. To +keep them tight seemed to require a great physical effort; this +was done by tightly screwing up her nose. Next she proceeded to +gather her eyebrows into the smallest possible compass, and then +she drew a deep breath, folded her small hands, and started off at +a terrific pace, "Gaw bess parver yan muvver yan nannie yan +hughyan betty yan dicky an aunt woggles yan ellen yan emma yan +croft - yan blusby yan all ve vitty children yan make dem velly +good boys yan make my nastyole bunnyagoodgirl. May Yaya get up?" + +"Not yet, baby, think," said Nannie. + +Sara thought, and then with a fresh access of solemnity repeated +an entirely new version of the Lord's Prayer. Nannie understood +it evidently, for at a point quite unintelligible to me, Nannie +said, "Good girl!" and Sara jumped up. + +Nannie told me that nothing would induce Sara to pray that she +might be made good. She was always very ready to make such +petitions on the behalf of Betty and Hugh, but for herself, no. +She is not like Betty, who at her age prayed, "Dear God, please +make me a good little girl, but if you can't manage it, don't +bother about it; Nannie will soon do it." + +Difficult and tedious as the task may have appeared to Betty, I +think it was assuredly within the power of God to make her good +without the intervention of Nannie. Dear Betty! + +Sara was then put to bed, and while Nannie brushed her hair, Sara +brushed the hearth-brush's hair. Sara was very anxious to have it +in her bath with her, but here Nannie was firm. + +Later the hearth-brush was dressed in a nightgown and laid beside +Sara in her little bed. The last thing she did before going to +sleep was to gaze at her darling "blush" with rapture and say, +"Nasty -- 'ollid -- bunny!" + +Her eyelashes fluttered and then gently fell on her cheek, as a +butterfly hovers and then settles on the petal of a rose. + +"Leave it here, miss," said Nannie; "she'll see it when she +wakes." + +I left the despised bunny and went to dress for dinner. Betty was +waiting for me outside. "Is the cooking-stove for my very own +self, Aunt Woggles?" + +"Absolutely, Betty. Why?" + +"Only because Hugh wondered if it wasn't or him, too. He only +wondered, and I said I didn't suppose one present could be for two +people, because then it wouldn't be such a very real present, +would it?" + +I said, "Of course not"; and I told her the story of the two men +who owned one elephant, and one man said to the other: "I don't +know what you are going to do with your half; I am going to shoot +mine!" + +"And did he, Aunt Woggles? " asked Betty, her eyes wide with +horror. + +"I wonder," I said. "I'll race you to the end of the passage." + +"I won," cried Betty. "No, we both of us did," she added, +slipping her hand into mine. + +That evening Diana told me that a few days before, she had heard +the following conversation between Hugh and Betty: + +"I am going to shoot my cock." + +"Hugh!" said Betty, "don't, it's a darlin' cock." + +"But it doesn't lay eggs," said Hugh. + +"I don't think cocks are supposed to lay eggs," said Betty +thoughtfully. + +"Well, I don't see why they shouldn't," said Hugh; "widowers have +children." + + + + +Chapter IV + + +Suppose all aunts, that is to say, all professional aunt, know +what it is to be visited at seven o'clock in the morning by +nephews and nieces, fresh, vigorous, and rosy after a night's +rest. Fresh, and oh! so vigorous and deliciously rosy were Hugh +and Betty when they appeared at my bedside at seven o'clock the +next morning. + +"Hullo!" said Hugh, "we've come. May we get into your bed? I'll +get up steam and take a long run and jump in. Shall I?" + +I braced myself up for the shock. There is no need to go through +the morning's program; I suppose every aunt knows it. Bears, +camel-rides, robbers, and various other things, all of a +distinctly energetic nature. At half past seven-you see it +doesn't take long, any aunt can bear half an hour -- Nannie +appeared, carrying a deliciously rosy Sara with her hair done on +the top, which makes her more than ever fascinating; and in her +arms she carried her bunny - Sara's arms, I mean, of course. +"Nice bunny," she said. + +"Who gave you your bunny?" I asked. + +"Jesus!" said Sara, triumphantly nodding her head and opening her +eyes very wide. "Jesus makes all ve bunnies, and all ve vitty +dickey birds, and all ve vitty fowers, and all ve big fowers and +all ve ponge cakes, and Yaya." + +"And what is Sara going to do with her bunny?" I asked. + +"Vuv it," she said with ecstasy. + +"Shall I leave her?" asked Nannie. + +"What a foolish question, Nannie!" I said. "Could any one send +away a blue dressing-be-gowned Sara?" + +"And shall I take the others, miss?" + +"Do," I replied. + +They went and left me in sole possession of Sara. + +"Shall I tell Sara a story?" I said. She nodded her head. + +"A storlie all about bunnies." + +So I began, "Once upon a time there was a big bunny." + +"A vitty bunny," said Sara. + +"A little bunny," I said. "Once upon a time there was a little +bunny." + +"A velly, velly vitty bunny," said Sara. + +"Once upon a time there was a very, very little bunny, "I repeated, +emphasizing the very, very little," as Sara had done. She cuddled +into the bedclothes, evidently quite satisfied with the beginning +as it now stood. "And the very, very little bunny lived in a nice +hole --" + +"A nice bed," said Sara, "a velly nice bed and not in a vitty bed, +but in a velly big bed, a velly, velly big bed with Aunt Woggles." + +"In a nice big bed with Aunt Woggles," I said, "and he was a very +good little bunny." + +At this Sara rose in the bed and looked at me very severely. + +" Did he say his palayers eberly day?" she asked. + +"No, not prayers, darling. Bunnies don't say prayers; children +say prayers." + +"Naughty bunnies!" said Sara with great severity. + +Dreading a religious discussion, which Sara loves, I proposed +changing the story to "The Three Bears." She acquiesced with +jumps of joy up and down, just where one would not choose to be +jumped upon, and said, "Ve felee belairs." + +Here I fared no better: my version of the story was so hopelessly +wrong, and I received such crushing correction at the hands of +Sara, that I was glad to relinquish my office of story-teller and +suggested that she should tell a story instead. + +This was evidently what she had wanted to do all along, for she +began at once. She tells a story very much as she says her +prayers, at the same terrific pace certainly. First of all she +swallowed and took a deep breath, then she began, "Vunce there was +a vitty blush -- and not a bad nasty blush -- it said its palayers +ebery morning an nannie said good girly an then the blush +vent to sleep in a vitty bed with Yaya." + +"Go slower, darling," I said. "Aunt Woggles can't quite +understand." + +"Yan -- ven -- Yaya -- voke up ve vitty -- belush said, 'Good- +morning,' yan Yaya said, 'Good-morning,' yan it was a nice bunny +yan not a nasty bunny any more." + +Here Sara's thoughts were distracted, and the story ended abruptly +for want of breath, or possibly of story. She refused to go on, +and when pressed said with great decision, "Dey's all dead." + +She then had her share of camel-rides and bears, and by the time +Nannie came I began to feel that I had earned my breakfast. I was +one of the first down, and Bindon was evidently waiting for me, +because as I went into the dining-room he took up his position +behind a certain chair, which action on his part plainly indicated +that I was to sit there. I wondered why. Could it be that I had +arrived at the age when it is advisable for a woman to sit back to +the light at breakfast? Was this only another instance of +Bindon's devotion to us all? That the credit of the family is +paramount in his mind, I know! All this flashed through my mind, +but I saw a moment later that it was not of my complexion that +Bindon thought, for on a plate before the chair behind which he +stood, lay a small dark gray wad about the size of a five-shilling +piece. I hesitated., and Bindon said in an undertone, "Miss Betty +made it." Not a muscle of his face moved. + +I sat down and gazed at the awful result of my present to Betty. +The -- what shall I call it? -- was gray, as I said before; it had +a crisscross pattern on it, deeply indented, and snugly sunk in +the middle of it was a currant. I sighed. My duty as a +professional aunt was clear: had I not in a moment of weakness +said I would eat anything Betty made, provided it was a proper +thing? Had I here a loophole of escape? No, it was certainly, +according to Betty's lights, a most proper thing. But why does +dough, in the hands of the cleanest child, become dark gray? + +Bindon, having done his duty by Betty, and not being able on this +occasion to do it by both of us, made no further explanation. +Like the first step, it is no doubt the first bite that costs most +dearly; and while I was pondering whether to take two bites or +swallow it whole, Mr. Dudley came in and sat down opposite me. He +is a young man who thinks that no woman he doesn't know can be +worth knowing. When by force of circumstances he comes to know a +fresh one, he always tells her he feels as if he had known her all +her life, and talks of a previous existence, and so gets over a +difficulty. I felt that it was a tribute to Diana that he treated +me so kindly, and I earned his gratitude and commanded his respect +by refusing food at his hands. I said I liked helping myself at +breakfast. He insisted, however, on passing me the toast. This I +felt was apart from Diana altogether. + +After a few moments the little gray wad attracted his attention, +and his eyebrows expressed a wish to know what it was. + +"Betty made it," I said. + +"And what is it? " + +"I wonder!" I said. "I think it must come under the head of black +bread." + +" What are you going to do with it?" he asked. + +I answered, "Why, eat it, of course; only I can't make up my mind +how. What should you say, two bites or a swallow?" + +His interest was now thoroughly aroused; he had evidently never +before met an aunt professionally. He looked at me solemnly and +said, "You are going to eat that?" + +"I am an aunt, you see," said; "a professional aunt." + +"A what?" he asked. + +"A professional aunt," I answered. "You are an uncle, I suppose." + +"I am constantly getting wires to that effect, but I am hanged if +I have ever eaten mud-pies." + +" No, that is part of the profession," I said; "you see, I +promised Betty." + +Mr. Dudley relapsed into silence. I had given him food for +reflection. + +Here Betty appeared, "not to eat anything," she carefully +explained. Hugh came next, followed a moment later by Sara, who +was beside herself with excitement, which was centered in the blue +ribbon in her hair, to which she had that morning been promoted. +A red curl had become more rebellious than its fellows, and it was +tied up with a blue ribbon, in the fashion beloved of young +mothers. Diana dislikes any reference made to poodles. + +"Yaya's got a ved vimvirn in her har," she announced. + +We all expressed the keenest interest and unbounded surprise. One +very well-meaning person put down his knife and fork and said he +was too surprised to eat any more breakfast; whereupon Hugh said, +"You needn't be so very funny, because Sara doesn't understand +those sort of jokes." + +Whether Sara understood it or not, it seemed to encourage her to +further revelations, and she announced with bated breath, "Yaya's +got ved vimvims in her -- "She opened her eyes very wide and +nodded very mysteriously, and was about to suit her actions to her +words and disclose the ribbons in question, when Diana, with a +promptitude quite splendid, administered a banana. Sara ate some +with relish, paused, and said in a loud voice, subdued by banana, +"jormalies." She was not going to be put off with a banana. + +Betty was very much shocked, and with a face of virtuous +indignation whispered in my ear, "Sara means-" I hastily stopped +Betty because her whispers are louder than Sara's loudest +conversation and very much more distinct. And after all there is +everything in the way a word is pronounced. Without any context I +think "jormalies" might pass anywhere as a perfectly right and +proper word, to be used on any occasion. + +Hugh, too, had something to say on the absorbing topic of ribbons, +and on such a subject I thought he might safely be trusted. On +what an unsafe foundation is built the faith of an aunt! + +"Aunt Woggles," he said, "has got pink ribbons in her nightie; +it's lovely, and she doesn't do her hair in funny little things +like --" + +Here David distracted Hugh's attention by telling him an absolute +untruth concerning a fox to be seen out of the window. The first +of April is the only day in the whole year on which the word "fox" +won't take him flying to the window. + +Betty, perhaps by way of changing the conversation, said, "You did +eat my cake, didn't you, Aunt Woggles?" + +"Of course I did, Betty." + +"Don't you believe it," said Mr. Dudley. + +"I always believe my Aunt Woggles," said Betty with infinite +scorn. "Was it nice, Aunt Woggles?" Mercifully she didn't wait +for an answer, but continued: " I lost the currant three times, +but I found it all right. I thought I had trodden on it, but I +hadn't, because I looked on the bottom of my shoe and it wasn't +there. I did have lots of currants, only when I dropped them +Mungo ate them all up, except this one. He didn't eat this one +because I stopped him. I said, 'Drop it, Mungo!' and he did. It +was a good thing he didn't eat it, wasn't it? I made lines +across, did you see ? All across the cake! I made those with a +hairpin. It was a good plan, wasn't it? " + +Somehow or other my breakfast had fallen short of my expectations. +But what I had lost in appetite I had perhaps gained in other +ways, for I had until then undoubtedly existed in the mind of Mr. +Dudley only under the shadow of Diana's charming personality. I +now took my stand alone, as the Aunt Woggles who ate mud-pies, I +am afraid; but still it is something to have a separate existence. +Is it? + + + + +Chapter V + + +Diana's children are of a distinctly religious turn of mind. I +think most children are, and what wonderful, curious thing their +religion is! Looking back to my own childhood, I remember +thinking, or rather knowing, that the Holy Ghost was a Shetland +shawl. We called our shawls "comforters"; we wore them when we +went to parties in the winter. I will not leave you comfortless," +could mean nothing else. To complete the illusion, we had in the +nursery a picture of the Pentecost, the Holy Ghost descending in +the form of a cloudy substance, not unlike a Shetland shawl. I +was so sure that I was right, that I never thought of asking any +one. When I grew older and told my mother, she said, "But why +didn't you ask me, darling?" forgetting that when a child knows a +thing it never asks; when in doubt it will ask, but not when it +knows. It is a difficult and dangerous thing to shake a child's +belief, and a pity, too. For if we could all believe as simply as +a child does, how different it would make life! If Diana has a +fault, it is that she takes her children too seriously. She +thinks it is wrong to tell them, "Children should be seen and not +heard," simply because they have asked a question she can't +answer. Aunts have been known to do it as a last resource, on +occasions of great danger. + +Hugh wants to know if God put in the quack before he made the +duck. It is difficult, isn't it, to answer that sort of question? + +On another occasion he asked Betty if God was alive. Betty, eager +to instruct, said, "My dear Hugh, God is a Spirit." + +"Then we can boil our milk on him." That was a poser for Betty. + +Diana was at a loss, too, when Hugh announced his intention of +going to Heaven. She asked him what he would do when he got +there. I thought the question a little unwise at the time. "Oh! +" said Hugh, "stroll round with Jesus, I suppose, and have a shot +at the rabbits." + +Diana's position was a difficult one. It was this: if she told +Hugh there were no rabbits in Heaven, he wouldn't pray to go +there; and if she said there was no shooting in Heaven, Hugh would +know for certain that his father wouldn't want to go there, and it +wouldn't do for Hugh to think his father didn't want to go to +Heaven. It was a difficulty, but Hugh's Heaven was or is a very +real and very happy place to him. It is strangely like Hames; and +isn't the home of every happy child very near to Heaven? Surely +it lies at its very gates, which we could see if it was not for +the mountains which intervene, those beautiful snow mountains, +which foolish grown-ups call clouds. + +Diana has come triumphantly out of situations more difficult, and +she will no doubt surmount those connected with the spiritual +upbringing of Hugh, Betty, and Sara. + +It is the custom of Diana to read the Bible every morning with her +children, and they resent any deviation from custom. + +After breakfast on the particular Sunday over which this shooting- +party extended, Hugh marched through the hall, .where most of us +were assembled) with his Bible under his arm, followed by Betty, +carrying a smaller Bible. Hugh's seemed particularly cumbersome. +He cast a reproachful glance at his mother and her guests, and +said to Betty, "I will teach you, darling." + +Betty said, "Can you, Hugh?" and he said, "Rather!" + +Into the drawing-room he stumped, followed by the impressed Betty. + +"You may come, Aunt Woggles," he said, "if you don't talk." + +I promised not to talk, and sat down to write letters. + +Hugh sat down on the sofa and Betty plumped down beside him. She +carefully arranged her muslin skirts over her long black- +stockinged legs, and then told Hugh to begin. + +"What's it going to be about?" she asked. + +"All sorts of things," said Hugh grandly. "Perhaps about Adam and +Eve, and Jonah and the whale, and Samson and Elijah. Do you know +the diff'rence between Enoch and Elijah? That's the first thing." + +"No, I don't," said Betty reluctantly. + +"Well, darling, you must remember the diff'rence is that Enoch +only walked with God, but the carriage was sent for Elijah!" + +"Was it a carriage and pair, Hugh?" + +"More, I expect." + +"What next, Hugh?" + +"We'll just look until we find something." And Hugh opened the +Bible. + +"It's upside down," whispered Betty. + +Hugh assumed the expression my spaniel puts on when he meets a dog +bigger than himself -- an expression of extreme earnestness of +purpose combined with a desire to look neither to the right nor to +the left, but to get along as fast as he can. + +Hugh assumed an immense dignity and looked straight in front of +him, just to show Betty he was thinking and had not heard what she +said, while he turned the Bible round. + +"Go on, Hugh," said Betty humbly, feeling it was she who had made +the mistake. How often do men make women feel this! + +"Now, Betty," he said, "you must listen properly and not talk, +because it's a proper lesson, just like mother gives us when +visitors aren't here." A pause, then Hugh said in a very solemn +voice, "You know, darling, Jesus would have been born in the +manger, but the dog in the manger wouldn't let him!" + +I stole out of the room. + +"You don't disturb us, Aunt Woggles," called out Hugh; "you +truthfully don't." + +Hugh had evidently told all he knew, for in a few minutes he came +out of the drawing-room and joined us in the hall. "We've done!" +he exclaimed; "we've had our lesson all the same." + +"I am sorry, Hugh," said Diana. + +He slipped his hand in hers as a sign of forgiveness, and by way +of making matters quite right, I said, "You know, Hugh, mothers +must look after their guests. Their children are always with +them, but friends only occasionally." + +Why do aunts interfere? Retribution speedily follows. + +"Visitors are mostly always here," said Hugh plaintively. "When +you have children of your own, Aunt Woggles, then --" + +"A fox, a fox, Hugh!" cried some one. + +He rushed to the window. + +"That's two foxes today that weren't there when I looked," said +Hugh; "I shan't look next time." + +This was a desperate state of affairs; an attack might come at any +time, and we should have exhausted our ammunition. + +"The best thing," said Diana, "is for those who are going to +church to get ready." + +Betty and Hugh were of course going; Sara wanted to, but those in +authority deemed it wiser that she should wait till she was older. +This offended her very much, as did any reference to her age. But +the decision was a wise one: she prayed too fervently, she sang +too lustily, and she talked too audibly, to admit of reverent +worship on the part of the younger members of the congregation, +and of the older ones, too, I am afraid. + +One memorable Sunday she did go to church, as a great treat; and +when the hymn - "Peace, perfect peace" was given out, a beatific +smile illumined her face, and with her hymn-book upside-down she +was preparing to sing, when Diana said, -- whispered rather -- You +don't know this, darling." + +"Yes, I do, mummy, peace in the valley of Bong." + +Betty walked to church with me. "Aunt Woggles," she said, "you +know the gentleman in the Bible who lived inside the whale?" + +"Yes, darling," I said, "I do remember." My heart sank at the +difficulties presented by Jonah as gentleman. + +"Well," she said, "what dye suppose he did without candles in +the dark passages of the whale?" + +Betty evidently pictured the dark passages of the whale to be what +Haines used to be before electric light was installed. The whale, +like a house, must be modernized to meet the requirements of the +day. When Betty starts asking questions, she mercifully quickly +follows one with another, and does not wait for answers. The +interior economy of the whale suggested various trains of thought, +and she went skipping along beside me, or rather in front of me, +propounding the most astounding theories. I was quite glad when +Mr. Dudley and Hugh caught us up. + +"You did come along fast, old man," said Mr. Dudley. + +"It wasn't me, it was you," panted Hugh. "It truthfully was, Aunt +Woggles, and he wasn't going to church at all till I told him you +were going. I'm awfully out of breath because he wanted to catch +you up, so it wasn't me all the time." + +I was sorry Hugh and Mr. Dudley had caught us up. + +Mr. Dudley murmured something about "Young ruffian," and I felt it +my duty as well as my pleasure to tell Hugh not to talk so much. + +"I 'sect you want to sit next my Aunt Woggles, don't you?" said +Hugh to Mr. Dudley; "but you can't, because I said, 'bags I sit +next Aunt Woggles in church' before she came to stay, ever so long +before, before two Christmases ago, I should think it was, or +nearly before two Christmases ago!" + +Betty's grasp on my hand tightened, and I returned it with a +reassuring pressure, as much as to say, "There are two sides to +every aunt in church, dear Betty; it is a comfort to know that." + +"I may sit next you, mayn't I?" + +"Yes, Betty," I said. + +"You are very rosy, Aunt Woggles," said Hugh. "Do you love my +Aunt Woggles?" he continued, dancing backward in front of Mr. +Dudley. + +"Of course he does," I said boldly, taking the bull by the horns. +"Mr.Dudley loves even his enemies, especially on Sundays." + +Hugh looked puzzled, and pondered. Before he had come to any +definite conclusion as to how this affected Mr. Dudley's feelings +towards me, we reached the lichgate, where we found the rest of +the party awaiting us. We all separated: Diana took Betty, who +gazed at me mournfully, but was too loyal to her mother to say +anything; Hugh gave a series of triumphant jumps, which added pain +to Betty's already disappointed expression. + +In church I found myself allotted to what we call the overflow +pew, which is at right angles to the family pews and in full view +of them. It is the children's favorite pew only, I imagine, +because they don't always sit there. Hugh sat very close to me, +and kept on giving little wriggles and gazing up at me, then at +Mr. Dudley, and snuggling closer to me as if to emphasize the +superiority of his position over that of Mr. Dudley. + +"Hugh," I whispered, "you must behave." + +"He didn't sit next you, after all," he whispered. + +I say whispered, but must explain that Hugh's whisper is a very +far-reaching thing. He loves a victory. I hope that when he +grows up he will be a generous victor. He says he is going to be +a dangerous man; I can believe it. + +Betty, the vanquished one, stared solemnly in front of her, not +deigning to notice Hugh's triumph. What pleasure is there to +children in sitting next to some particular person in church? I +remember, as a child, it was a matter of earnest prayer during the +week that on Sunday I might sit next, some particular person in +church. "And, O Lord, if it be for my good, let me sit next the +door." A child's religion is a very real thing to him, and not +only a Saturday-to-Monday thing. + +I looked at Betty's serious little face and wished that I could +for one moment read her thoughts. Her eyes, such lovely eyes, +were fixed on the preacher's face. What did his sermon convey to +her? It was a particularly uninteresting one, I remember, an +appeal on behalf of the curates' fund. Her eyes never left his +face -- such solemn, searching, truthful eyes. I think a child +like Betty should not be allowed to go to church on such +occasions, for what is the use of preaching against matrimony on +the one hand, and that, I suppose, is what the moral of such a +sermon should be, -- and on the other hand holding up an incentive +to matrimony in the very alluring shape of Betty? For, +personally, I think Betty would be a very wonderful possession for +any curate to have. + +Hugh was growing restless and I was bearing the brunt of it. +Nannie, feeling for me, leaned over from the back pew and said, +"Don't rest your head on your Aunt Woggles." + +"I came to church on purpose to rest my head on my Aunt Woggles's +chest," said Hugh, again in what he calls a whisper. A moment +later, he asked, "Is it done?" + +It was, and he jumped up. + +"May I sit next you next Sunday, Aunt Woggles?" he said, so soon +as we got outside the church door. + +"No, Hugh," I said. + +"I bet I do, all the same," he said. + +"Aunt Woggles," said Betty, as we walked home, "I collect for the +prevention of children; do you suppose Mr. Dudley would give me a +penny?" + +"I am sure he would, darling, but it is the prevention of cruelty +to children -- the prevention of cruelty." + +"That's such a long thing to say, Aunt Woggles, don't you suppose +he would understand if I did say it a little wrong?" + +"Perhaps, darling, but it is always best to say things right." + +"Yes, I will, but I was only supposing, supposing I didn't." + +At luncheon Diana cautioned Betty against swallowing a fish-bone. +"You might die, darling, if you did." + +"Then I shall swallow every single bone I can," announced Betty. + +"But, darling," said Diana, "why do you say that? You don't want +to die. You are quite happy, aren't you?" + +"Yes, I'm very happy, but I want to die, all the same." + +"Oh, darling, don't say that," said Diana; "there is a great deal +for you to do in this world before you die." + +"Yes, but you see, darling," said Betty, "if I don't die soon, I +shall be too old to sit on Jesus' knee." + +Diana is very particular about the children's manners, and Hugh +came face to face with a great difficulty a moment later, over his +ginger beer. "If I don't say I thank you, mother doesn't like it, +and if I do say I thank you, Bindon stops pouring." + + + + +Chapter VI + + +In answer to a really desperate telegram from Zerlina, I left +Hames hurriedly, and arrived at Zerlina's, to find her out and all +the children apparently well. I was shown upstairs into the +drawing-room. In Diana's house I am never "shown" anywhere; +however, in Zerlina's I am, so it is no use discussing that +question. The drawing-room into which I was shown was empty of +furniture except for the sofas and chairs which were arranged +round the room against the wall. As Zerlina's room does not err +as a rule on the side of emptiness, I realized that there was +going to be a party. I felt like the child who said, "There's +been a wedding, I smell rice!" One knows these things by +instinct. + +The butler solemnly informed me that there was going to be a +party, and that Miss Hyacinth would be down in a moment. + +I thought it odd that Zerlina should have said nothing about a +party; but then she never says anything about measles, or +whooping-cough, or re-painting rooms, until I am within the doors +and unable to escape. I remembered she had urged me on this +occasion to come early. I sat down on a sofa and sadly fixed my +gaze on the parquet floor. How different had been my arrival at +Hames! My conscience smote me. I had no train, no cooking stove,, +no woolly rabbit in my box. But then neither was there a Hugh, +Betty, and Sara. At Hames should I have sat in the drawing-room? +Never! Of course I know what some people will say: that it is my +fault; if I had treated the children as I treated Betty, Hugh, and +Sara, it would have made all the difference; but it wouldn't, +really. It is, the mother of the children who makes the +difference; it is her attitude to the aunt which is adopted by the +children. If Diana had been out, the house would have resounded +with shrieks for Aunt Woggles. But in Zerlina's house children +never shriek, people never rush to the nursery. The children are +always tidied before they are brought down to see me. + +Of course some people will again say, "Quite right"; and it is +quite right that for such people they should be tidied; but do +those people realize what a wall tidiness builds between child and +grown-up? Have they ever thought what a boy feels when his mother +comes down to see him at school and the first thing she does when +he comes into the room is to say that his collar is dirty, or that +his hands want washing? At that moment, perhaps, she lays the +first brick in the wall which builds between mother and son. He is +a happy boy and she a blessed mother who stand always with no wall +between them. All a boy demands of his mother when she comes to +see him at school is that she shall behave just like other people, +and that she shall dress properly. If she can be beautiful, so +much the better: it will redound enormously to his credit. Boys +are very sensitive about their belongings, but when praise can be +bestowed they bestow it, as in the case of Tommy, who wrote to his +father, who had been down to the school to play in a match, +"Fathers against Sons, "Dear father, you did look odd, but you +made the second biggest score." + +While I was pondering over these things, the door opened and my +niece Hyacinth came in. + +"Hullo!" she said; "mum's out." + +"So I hear," I said; "won't you kiss me?" + +"Oh! I forgot," she said, twirling round on one leg and holding +out a cheek to be kissed. "There's going to be a party to it." + +"So I see, I said; "what sort of a party?" + +"Oh! it's the end-up of the dancing class, four to seven; that's +why mum asked you to come early." + +"She isn't in yet?" I asked innocently. + +"Oh! she's not coming," said Hyacinth, raising her eyebrows and +laughing; "she always has something to do on dancing days. The +Frauleins get on her nerves. They sit all round the room." + +And Hyacinth indicated the position of the Frauleins with a sweep +of her arm. + +"What time is it now?" I asked. + +"Half past three," she said; "I'm ready." + +"I'm not," I said savagely. + +I went upstairs, vowing vengeance on Zerlina. I could have shaken +Hyacinth, poor child, and why? Because her legs were too long, or +her skirts too short, or the bow in her hair too large? What a +disagreeable, cross-grained professional aunt I was! Or did I +miss the hug Hyacinth might have given me? + +I was only just ready when the children began to arrive. I flew +downstairs and found not only children in every shape and form, +but mothers in big hats and trailing skirts, and Frauleins in +small hats and skirts curtailed, mademoiselles and nannies. The +nannies I handed over to the nursery department, and the mothers +and the Frauleins and the mademoiselles I arranged in a dado round +the room., making inappropriate remarks to each in turn. No +surprise was expressed at the absence of Zerlina. + +The children began to dance. There was a particularly painstaking +little boy in a white silk shirt and black velvet knickerbockers, +very tight in places, who danced assiduously, looking neither to +the right nor to the left. "Right leg, To-mus, left leg, To-mus!" +came in stentorian tones from a Fraulein in the corner, who suited +her actions to her words by the uplifting of the leg corresponding +to that recommended to Tomus's consideration, and bringing it down +with emphasis on the parquet floor. + +By the sudden quickening of leg-action on the part of my +painstaking friend, I knew him to be Tomus, and by that only, so +many of the boys looked as if they might be Tomus. The real Tomus +asserted himself manfully, however, by using the exactly opposite +leg to that ordered by Fraulein. I liked this spirit of +independence, and determined to make friends with him so soon as +that dance should be over. I took the liberty of introducing +myself; he made no remark but took me by the hand and led me out +on to the landing, and there he found two chairs in the orthodox +position. Into one of these he wriggled himself by a backward and +upward movement, and I sat in the other. How absurdly easy it is +for a grown-up to sit down! I waited for Thomas to make a remark; +I might be waiting still, if I had not made a beginning. He +looked at me under his eyelashes, and tried not to smile. It was +an effort, I could see, and I could tell just where the dimples +would come. When the effort became too great and the dimples +asserted themselves beyond recall, he looked away and put out a +minute portion of his tongue. Having done that, he subsided into +grave self-possession. + +I began to feel embarrassed, and asked him how old he was. He +smiled. "Do you like dancing, Thomas?" I said. + +He looked away, and every time I addressed him he seemed to +retreat farther into his chair, until I had fears that he would +disappear altogether from my sight. His waist-line seemed to be +the vanishing-point. I made no further effort, and relapsed into +silence. Thomas continued to gaze at me and smile. At last he +extended a fat little hand, uncurled one by one four soft little +fingers, and revealed, lying in his palm, a short screw. It was +evidently his greatest treasure, for the moment. + +"Is that for me, Thomas?" I asked. "Nope," he said, shaking his +head. + +"Is it your very own?" + +"Yeth," said Thomas, drawing in his breath. He shut his little +hand, put out his tongue just the smallest bit, and became serious +and silent. + +"Is it a present?" I asked. Having got so far, it seemed a pity +not to go on. He had done me the greatest honor that a small boy +can do a woman, which, by the way, was what our Nannie said when +she told us that a strange man had proposed to her on a penny +steamboat. + +Thomas shook his head and said, "Nope." + +"Did you find it?" I asked. + +He nodded. "I always find fings," he said. + +Beyond that I could get nothing out of him. I have not often sat +out with a more embarrassing partner. To be continually stared at +and never spoken to would, I think, make the boldest woman shy. +There was a stolidity about Thomas that promised well for +England's future. There was a steady resistance from attack that +was really admirable; but I was not altogether sorry when Fraulein +pounced upon him. As she led him off I heard him say, "Parties do +last a long time, don't they, Leilein?" + +Having lost Thomas, I sought a new partner. A tall, fair girl +with wide, gray eyes, a pink-and-white complexion, a beautiful +mouth, and a delicately refined nose, interested me, as I imagine +she has continued to do every one who has met her. She reminded +me of spring, with birds singing and flowers flowering and trees +bursting, just as Diana does. As it was quite the correct thing +for girls to dance with one another, I made so bold as to ask her +for a dance. With the timidity of a boy just out of Etons, or +perhaps I should say, of a shy boy just out of Etons, I approached +her. "Right-o," she said, "let's see." + +She puckered her penciled eyebrows and studied her program. "The +third after the two next?" + +She bowed gravely, and I said, "Thank you." I felt very young and +inexperienced as I returned the bow. + +"That's all right," she said. "Where shall I find you? It +doesn't matter, I shall know you again"; and she had the audacity +to write on her program, for I saw her do it, "white dress, red +hair." + +She was borne off by a triumphant boy, who looked at me as much as +to say, "You're jolly well sold if you think you are going to nab +this dance." + +I asked a hungry-looking boy with many freckles who she was. "Oh! +that's Dolly," he said; "she is a flyer, isn't she?" + +"Dolly who?" I asked. + +"Oh! just Dolly; that does." He looked away, looked back, +hesitated, and swallowed. I, feeling that he perhaps needed the +assistance a man sometimes requires of a woman, encouragement, +smiled at him. + +"You wouldn't dance this, I suppose?" he said. + +"Certainly," I answered. + +We danced. He was a nice boy, very much in earnest, very much +afraid of tiring me, very much afraid of letting me go, too shy to +stop, until I suggested it, for which act of consideration he +seemed grateful. + +He told me he had five brothers, all older than himself; that he +never had new trousers, always the other boys' cut down; that he +liked school; wanted a bicycle more than anything in the world -- +of his very own, of course; wanted a pony of his very own; wanted +a dog of his very own. He hadn't anything of his very own. + +I said I supposed he thought his eldest brother very lucky. + +"Because of the trousers?" he asked. + +I said, "Well, yes, I suppose he has the new ones." + +"Well," he said, "you see he doesn't. That's the chowse of the +whole thing. He is the eldest, but you see Dick's the biggest, so +he gets the new trousers. It is hard, isn't it?" + +I said it was indeed. + +"The best of it is," he said, "I am catching jackup. He is in an +awful wax. I shouldn't be surprised if I were bigger than him +next holidays. Do you like dancing? I simply loathe it -- not +with you, I don't mean I." + +He told me many other confidences, and I was really sorry when he +remembered, with an evident pang, that he had to dance with that +"rum little kid over there." + +I was quite certain that he would never break a promise. I could +picture him going through life always keeping promises, rashly +made, no doubt. I wondered what he would talk to girls about at +dances years hence -- trousers? Hardly. By that time he would +have trousers of his very own, and they would cease, in +consequence, to be things of interest. + +He would be a soldier -- of that I could have no doubt. He was +the kind of boy England wants and can still get, thank God! say +pessimists what they will. + +While I was awaiting my Dolly dance, I came upon a small, +disconsolate boy. + +"I'm looking for an empty partner," he said. + +I captured a passing girl, very small, and they danced away +together. The boy I could see was very energetic, the girl was +very small and fat. As they passed me I heard her say, "I -- +can't -- go -- so -- fast!" + +"Very sorry," said the small boy, "but I must keep up with the +music." + +Dolly found me. "I think I had better dance gentleman," she said; +"I think I am as tall as you." With a tremendous effort she drew +her slim figure to its full height, and, gazing up into my face +she had the audacity to say, "Yes, I do just look down upon you; +anyhow, men aren't always taller than girls. My cousin says so, +and she goes to dances - heaps -- and she is six foot." + +We started off, I felt at once, on a perilous course. "You see," +she said, "I had better -- steer -- because" (bump we went into +somebody), "because -- I dance once a week -- always" (crash), +"sometimes oftener -- so I get -- plenty of practice" (bang) "in +steering, and that helps. I love dancing -- don't you? Oh, +that's all right -- it's -- only -- the stupid -- old mantelpiece +-- I always go into that -- it sticks out so -- doesn't it? It is +hard -- rather!" + +Dolly was a flyer and no mistake. I was brought to a standstill +at last by colliding with Thomas's Fraulein. + +"It's all right," said Dolly generously, "you didn't hurt us!" + +Fraulein was hurled on to a sofa and made no remark. She gave up +temporarily the management of Thomas's left leg. + +"Shall we sit out?" said Dolly. "It is hot, isn't it?" + +She fanned herself with a very small program and tossed her hair +back from her face. It was such lovely hair. + +"Hair is beastly stuff, isn't it?" she said. "Wouldn't you love +to be a boy? Oh, I promised mother not to say I 'beastly'; that's +one of the things I would like to be a boy for, because boys may +do such an awful lot of things." + +I soon found out that Dolly liked boys better than girls. + +She loved horses and dogs. + +She hated and detested bearing-reins. + +She didn't want to come out. + +She thought grown-ups silly, except some - + +She loved the country and strawberry ice. + +She hated dull lessons, and I very soon discovered that there were +none other than dull. + +She collected stamps. + +She longed to have a pet monkey or a brother, she didn't much mind +which. + +At the mention of brothers I looked down at Dolly's slim legs, +clothed in fine black silk stockings, at the valenciennes lace on +her muslin frock, and I imagined that if she had any brothers, the +younger ones would be quite likely to have started life in +trousers of their own. Yes, Dolly looked like it. I learned a +great deal from her in the time it had taken me to get "yeth" and +"nope" out of Thomas. + +The energetic boy who had been obliged to keep up with the music +at all costs, the little fat girl's in particular, came up to me, +and said in an aggrieved voice, "Miss Daly has spoilt my program; +she can't write, and she has written big D's all over it. Will +you write me out a fresh one?" + +Which I, of course, did. Really it was very careless of Miss +Daly. + +The children danced hard, with intervals for tea and refreshment; +and as seven o'clock struck, there was a transformation scene. +With conscientious punctuality the party-dressed children +turned, into little or big woolen bundles, as the case might be. +The last bundle I saw was a pink woolen one, weeping bitterly. My +heart was wrung. The noisy crying of a child is bad enough, but +when it is the soft weeping of a broken heart, it is unbearable. +Of course it was my friend Thomas. I stood on the staircase +unable to do anything, for he was quickly borne from the arms of +Fraulein by a big footman, and no doubt deposited in a brougham in +the outer darkness. Poor Thomas! + +I hoped that the right sort of mother would be at home to unroll +that pink bundle, a mother who would pretend that it could not be +her darling who was crying, but a strange little boy with a face +quite unknown to her. Where could he have come from? And so on, +until Thomas would be ashamed to be seen with a strange face, and +would smile, and then his mother would say, "What is it, my +darling?" because, of course, it was her own darling who was +crying, and she would never rest till she knew why. + +I went back to the drawing-room quite happy that Thomas should be +unrolled by the right sort of mother, and as I walked across the +room, my foot slipped on something. I looked to see what it was I +had trodden on. It was a short screw, Thomas's precious +possession. "That was why the poor pink bundle was crying!" + +"Hyacinth," I said, "who was Thomas?" + +"Which one? There was little Thomas and the Thomas who lives a +long way off, and then just plain Thomas." + +"I mean the fat little Thomas who danced so hard." + +"Oh! that's the little Thomas," said Hyacinth. + +"Where does he live?" I asked. + +"Oh, quite close; when we go to tea there we walk. He hasn't got +a mother, so there's no drawing-room. She died," added Hyacinth, +as if it was an every-day occurrence that Thomas should be left +without a mother, instead of its being a heart-breaking tragedy. +A child with no mother, no mother to unwrap the pink bundle, no +mother to grieve for the screw, no mother to understand things. +Perhaps his mother had been a Diana sort of mother. + +"Oh, Thomas," I thought, "I must send you back your screw." I +didn't care what any one said -- he should have it. + +If he had had a mother, it wouldn't have mattered, because she +would have known it was a screw he had lost, and she would have +known just what comfort he would have needed; whereas a Fraulein +would know nothing about a screw, beyond the German for it, and +the gender, of course. And of what use is that to a child? It +may sound very unconventional, and I suppose it was so, to go to a +strange house and ask for Thomas, and my only excuse a small +screw. But still I went! + +I pictured a lonely child in a large house with a Fraulein and a +nurse, perhaps two; those I could face. A tall, sad father I had +never thought of! I am afraid I am not suited for the profession, +I am too impulsive. + +I rang the bell. The door was opened by a solemn man-servant, who +did not show the surprise he must have felt when I asked for +Master Thomas. Another, still more solemn, showed me into a +downstairs room. I refused to give my name, and a very large, +serious Thomas rose from a chair as I was ushered in, "A lady to +see Master Thomas." So my errand was in part explained, but the +part left to tell was by far the most difficult. If only Thomas +had lost anything but a screw! No father could be expected to +know how it had been treasured. Supposing Thomas had been crying +because he had a pain, which sometimes comes to children after +tea? Supposing he hadn't been crying for his screw at all? +Supposing he repudiated all knowledge of it? + +But here I was, screw in hand, and my story to tell. I told if. I +was grateful to the tall, sad Thomas for being so solemn, and not +even smiling, when I mentioned the screw. He said he was very +grateful for my kindness, and he went so far as to say he was sure +Thomas had valued the screw. + +While some one was coming, for whom he had rung, he told me that +when he had taken Thomas to the Zoo, the only thing which he was +really excited about was the mouse in the elephant's house! +Somehow or other that little story put me at my ease, for it +showed that the big Thomas at least understood in part the mind of +a child. + +A nurse, not sad-looking I was glad to see, came in answer to the +bell, and the big Thomas asked if the little Thomas had lost a +screw? In that I was disappointed, the best nurse in the world +might not know of a screw. But the big Thomas did not wait to +hear; be was sure the little Thomas had, and he said we were +coming upstairs to restore it to him. Of course I had said by +this time that I was Zerlina's sister-in-law. + +We went upstairs, I following the tall Thomas, past the drawing- +room, past that bedroom whose door I knew was closed. A mother's +bedroom is nearly always in the same place in a London house, a +child blindfolded could find it, and the handle of a mother's door +is always within the reach of the smallest child; and so easily +does it turn, that the door opens at the slightest pressure of the +smallest fingers. + +Up we went to Thomas's own bedroom. There in his bed he sat, no +longer crying, but still sad and solemn, with evidences in his +face of a sorrow that rankled. He smiled when he saw me, too much +of a gentleman to show any surprise at seeing me in his bedroom. + +"Thomas," I said, "I have brought you back your screw which you +lost." I put it in his outstretched hand, and a smile rippled all +over his face. + +Suddenly from out the darkness came a stentorian voice, "Right +hand, Tomus!" It was Fraulein! Thomas put out his right hand, +and I, putting aside all convention, gave him a real "Sara hug" +for the sake of that mother whose door was closed. It then began +to dawn upon me how very unconventional it was of me to be hugging +a comparatively strange child, in a perfectly strange house, and I +hastily said good-night to the small Thomas and the big Thomas, +nurses and Fraulein, and literally ran downstairs, followed of +course by the big Thomas. At the foot of the stairs I ran into +the arms of Mr. Dudley. + +His exclamation of "Aunt Woggles" was involuntary, I felt sure, +and he had every right to visit a sad, tall Mr. Thomas. But I +thought Diana ought to have told me that I was likely to meet him +at -- Well, a stranger's house; so how could she? The only thing +that consoled me was that in all probability Mr. Dudley would +explain my profession in life, and that I had a screw loose. Yes, +that would exactly explain the position. Otherwise I didn't +exactly know how he could describe me. + +Well, Zerlina of course said I was mad. She didn't agree with me +that the screw could not possibly have been sent back in an +envelope with a few words of explanation. She said she would have +bought a nice toy for the child. What's the good of a toy to a +child when he has lost a screw which he found his very own self, +any more than a squeaking rabbit is to a child who has a "lubbly +blush"? That was a lesson I had lately learned. + +I didn't say all that to Zerlina, because, you see, she is a +mother, and I couldn't understand these things. She was very much +surprised at being late for the party, so surprised. She was full +of apologies. + +It was so good of me to help her! Had the darling children +enjoyed themselves? + +I said, yes, they had, and the adorable mothers, and the delicious +Frauleins, and the heavenly mademoiselles. At this Zerlina looked +a little pained, and I was sorry I was cross, but I felt her want +of sympathy for Thomas. But then she had never passed that closed +door. + + + + +Chapter VII + + +As a professional aunt must live somewhere, if only to simplify +the delivery of telegrams, it is as well perhaps to explain where +I live and why. The answer to the where, is London, and to the +why, because it is the best place for all professionals to live +in. Many were the suggestions that I should live in the country. +Careful relatives and good housewives saw a chance of cheap and +fresh eggs, cheap and large chickens, and cheap and freshly +gathered vegetables, which showed, in the words of Dr. Johnson, a +triumph of hope over experience, for I have always found that +there are no eggs so dear as those laid by the hens of friends, no +chickens so thin as those kept by relatives, no vegetables so +expensive as those grown by acquaintances. But a professional +aunt would of course be expected to make special terms, although +her hens, like those of other people, would eat corn, and railways +would charge just the same for carrying her goods, whether they +were consigned to sisters-in-law or not, and the expense of the +carriage is the reason invariably given why things are so dear +when bought from friends. Friends, too, have a way of sending +chickens with their feathers on, whereas the chickens one knows by +sight, laid in rows in poulterers' shops, have no association with +feathers. Don't you dislike the country friend who asks you to +spend a night, and then tells you at breakfast that the pillow you +slept on was filled with the feathers of departed hens known and +loved by her? + +Then there was Nannie, and my, living in London added a great +importance to her position. She became at once chaperon, +housekeeper, counselor, and friend. It was a great joy to her to +think that she shielded me from the dangers of London; and she +would willingly have fetched me from dinners and parties +generally, and saw nothing incongruous in the announcement, " Miss +Lisle's nurse is at the door." + +"Not that I should be at the door," said Nannie; "I never go +anywhere but what I am asked inside and treated as such." Nannie +still thinks of us as children, and will continue to do so, no +doubt until she who has rocked so many babies to sleep shall +herself be enfolded in the arms of Mother Earth -- and tenderly +bidden to sleep. + +Personally I had a leaning toward a flat, so many of my friends +told me of the joys of shutting it up when one goes away, which, +by the way, I find they never, or very rarely, do. But Nannie +didn't hold with flats. It is curious what things people don't +hold with. After reading of a terrible murder in a railway +carriage, I cautioned my little housemaid, who was going home one +Sunday, to be careful not to be thrown out of a window. She +replied, "I don't hold with girls who are thrown out of windows." + +Well, Nannie didn't hold with flats. To please me and to show her +open-mindedness, she went with me to look at flats, but there was a +tactless integrity about her criticism. I discovered that she +judged of everything from a nursery point of view; and when I +ventured to suggest that, as there were no children, a nursery was +not of very great importance, she said, "You never can tell." In +this instance I felt I could most distinctly tell, and wondered +whether I might too tell Nannie of something I didn't hold with. +But I didn't. I remember once long ago one of us asking Nannie if +any one could have children without being married, and Nannie +answered in a very matter of fact voice, "They can, dear, but it's +better not." Anyhow, she didn't hold with flats. "There's the +porters for one thing," she said. That, of course, settled it, +and we looked at small houses. + +"I suppose you will get married one of these days," she said, as +we stood on a doorstep waiting to be let in. + +"Perhaps no one will have me," I said. + +"Well, they might; people marry you least expect to. Look at +Maria Dewberry; you would never have --" + +The door opened, or we will presume so, as my knowledge of Maria's +movements after her surprising marriage is nil. + +Looking over houses is not without excitement, and certainly not +without surprises; but I was spared the experience some unknown +person had who came one day to see our house when we all lived in +London, but happened to be away. Having a house in the country, +we very often did let the London house, which accounts for the +agent's mistake. + +One day, just as Archie was going out, he found on the doorstep a +charming lady with a very pretty daughter. + +"May we see over the house?" she asked. + +"Certainly," said Archie. + +He showed them all over the house, from cellar to garret. He says +he initiated them into the mysteries of the dark cupboard, and he +says he showed them everything of historic interest in the family. +The daughter, he vows, was tremendously interested. When they had +seen everything and Archie had brought them back to the hall, the +charming mother said, "And when is the house to let?" + +"Oh! it's not to let," said Archie. + +He says he assured them it was no trouble at all, etc.! + +In every small house we went, Nannie trudged laboriously up to the +top, and I heard her murmuring, "Night, day," as she went backward +and forward, from one room to the other. At last we found a small +house in Chelsea of which she thoroughly approved. She couldn't +exonerate the agent from all blame in saying that there were views +of the river from the window. "Not but what there might be if we, +leaned out far enough, but we can't because of the bars." It was +the very bars that had attracted her in the first instance, from +the outside. Bars meant a nursery. Iron bars may not make a +cage, but they undoubtedly make a nursery. + +She stood at the top window and looked out on the green trees, and +a blackbird was obliging enough, at that very moment, to sing a +love-song. Perhaps it was about nurseries, and Nannie understood +it; at all events she decided there and then to take the house. " +Of course, she said, "I know there's no nursery wanted, but I +don't hold with houses that can't have nurseries in them, if they +want to." That gave me an idea! It came like a flash. Nannie +should have her nursery! + +Of course this all happened some years ago, when the home at Hames +was broken up. With the help of Diana I managed it beautifully. +It was kept a dead secret. Diana collected, or rather allowed me +to collect, all the things Nannie had specially loved in the home +nursery, which I am sure cost Diana a pang, as she was very +anxious her children should abide by tradition and grow up among +the things their father had loved as a boy; but she sent them all, +even the rocking-horse, to me for my nursery. + +The walls I had papered just as our nursery had been papered. +Even the old kettle was rescued from oblivion,, and stood on the +hob. It was so old that any jumble sale would have been pleased +to have it. The kettle-holder hung on the wall, with its +cat on a green ground, which had been lovely in the day of its +youth. One of us had worked it; Nannie of course knew which. The +tea-set was there with its green, speckled ground. + +But while all this was being arranged, Nannie had a very bad time. +It was not for long, certainly, but she said it was pretty bad +while it lasted. To insure the complete secrecy of our nursery +plan, we arranged that she should go to Hames while we were doing +it all, never thinking of what she would feel on going into the +Hames nursery and finding all her treasures gone, and finding +another woman reigning in her place; for all through our grown-up +years the nursery had been left for Nannie as it had been when we +were children. The nurse in her place hurt most. + +"'Mrs.' here and 'Mrs.' there, certificated and teaching. It's +all very well, but I'm not sure they don't go too far in this +teaching business. No amount of teaching will -- Well, it's +there, so what's the use? I expect Eve knew how to handle Cain +right enough." + +"He wasn't very well brought up, though, Nannie," I said. + +"Poor child! " said Nannie. " How do we know it wasn't Abel's +fault? He may have been an aggravating child; some are born so, +and I've seen a child, m any a time, go on at another till he's +almost worried him into a frenzy just saying, ' I see you,' over +and over again, does it sometimes. Children will do it, of +course; besides, there were no commandments then, and you can't +expect children to do right without rules and regulations. That's +all discipline is, rules and regulations, which is commandments, +so to speak." + +"You think, then, Nannie," I said, "that Eve forgot to tell Cain +not to kill Abel?" + +"Well," said Nannie, "Eve had a lot to do; we can't blame her. +She must have had a lot to do. Think what a worry Adam must have +been: he had no experience, no nothing; he couldn't be a help to a +woman., brought up as he was, always thinking of himself as first, +as of course he was! Now, there's Parker -- he is a good husband: +he rolls the beef on Sunday to save Mrs. Parker trouble, and +prepares the vegetables; he is a good husband, no trouble in the +house whatsoever. He never brings in dirt, Mrs. Parker says, +wipes his feet ever so before he comes, on the finest day just the +same." + +I thought the comparison a little hard on Adam, but still I didn't +say so, and Nannie reverted to the modern nurse, after informing +me that men and horses were sacred beasts! + +"Well, about nurses, ' Mrs.' before a nurse's name doesn't soothe +a fretful child, nor make her more patient or loving. It might +make her less patient, if she took to wishing the ' Mrs.' was real +instead of sham; some women are like that, all for marrying. I +dare say," said Nannie, when going over her experiences, "my face +did look blank when I missed all my treasures, but f said nothing, +although it was a blow when I thought of all the lovely times you +had had with that rocking-horse. You remember the hole in it? +Well, that was cut out solid because of all the things that were +inside that rocking-horse; almost all the things that had been +lost for years we found in that horse. My gold chain, for one +thing, to say nothing of other things. The tail came out, and +that is how the things got lost. The boys, always up to mischief, +just popped anything they came across down that hole and put in +the tail again, so no one knew anything about it. Well, then, +your father lost something very special, I forget what, and there +was a to-do! And Jane said she believed there was a power of +things down that rocking-horse, so we got Jane's sister's young +man, who was a carpenter, or by way of being, to come and cut out +a square block out of the underneath -- well, the stomach -- of +that horse -- and then we found things! Things we had lost for +years. Then we put the block back, and no one would have noticed +particularly, not unless they had looked. Well, that's what I +missed, the rocking-horse, but still I said nothing. Then we had +tea out of new cups, and still I said nothing, because tea-cups +will get broken, and you can't expect young girls to take care of +cups like we did. The kettle-holder was gone! Then Mrs. David +came in. Oh! she is lovely and like your mother in some ways, -- +the ways of going round and speaking to every one, -- and she +laid her hand on Betty's head, just as I've seen your mother do a +hundred times on yours, and that was hard to bear. Anyhow, it's a +good thing it wasn't some one else who got Hames. There 's that +to be thankful for. It begins with ' Z,' you know." + +"Nannie!" I said. + +"Z for Zebra," said Nannie. + +When the new nursery was all ready, Nannie was sent for. A dozen +times that day I ran up that narrow staircase, and in the morning +I laid the tea to see how it would look, and it looked so pretty +that I left it. At four o'clock the fire was lighted and the +kettle was put on to boil. Nannie drove up in a four wheeler. I +was in the hall to meet her. She lingered to look at everything. +She went round and round the dining-room, up to the drawing-room, +even into the spare room, but no word of nursery. "Which is my +room?" she said. + +"It's upstairs," I said. "Won't you come and look at it?" + +"There's no hurry, is there, miss?" + +I could see it was the nursery floor she dreaded. + +"Well, there is rather a hurry, Nannie," I said. "I am so anxious +to see if you like all the house." + +At last I got her upstairs. I threw open the nursery door. It +was too sudden, no doubt. At the sight of the kettle, the +rocking-horse, the tea-set, she burst into tears. + +"Dear, dear Nannie," I said. "it is your own nursery; it's all +from Hames." + +She paused in her sobs. "The robin mug's wrong," she said, and +she moved it to the opposite side of the table; "he always sat +there." "He" applied to a little brother who had died, not to the +mug. + +"It's a very small nursery, Nannie," I said apologetically. + +"Well, there are no children to make it untidy," she answered. + +So Nannie and I settled down in our nursery, and through the +darkening of that first evening she talked to me of my mother. It +seems to me very wonderful how one woman can so devotedly love the +children of another, but was it not greatly for the love of that +other woman that Nannie loved us so much? It is her figure, I +know, that Nannie sees when she shuts her eyes and re-peoples the +nursery in her dreams, -- that lovely mother, the center of that +nursery and home; that mother so quick to praise, so loath to +blame, so ready to find good in everything, so tender to +suffering, so pitiful to sin! + +"Tell me about her when she was quite young, Nannie," I said. + +And Nannie talked on, telling me the stories I knew by heart and +loved so dearly; and then, I remember, she started up. + +"What is it, Nannie? " I asked. + +"I thought she was calling," she replied; "I often seem to hear +her voice." + +Dear Nannie! I believe she is ready to answer that call at any +moment, for all the love of her new nursery. + +That is how I came to live in London. + + + + + +Chapter VIII + + +Most people, I imagine, who live in London are asked by their +relatives and friends who live in the country to shop for them. + My post is often a matter of great anxiety to me, and I know +nothing more upsetting than on a very hot summer's morning, or a +wet winter's one, to find an envelope on my plate, or beside it, +addressed in Cousin Anastasia's large handwriting. "Dearest," the +letter inside it begins, "if" (heavily underlined) "you should be +passing Paternoster Row, will you choose me a nice little prayer- +book, without a cross on it, please; people tell me they are +cheaper there than elsewhere, prayer-books, I mean, for Jane, who +is going to be confirmed. She is such a nice clean girl. I do +hope she will be as clean after her confirmation, but one never +can tell. In any case I feel I ought to give her something, and a +prayer-book, under the circumstances, seems the most suitable +thing." + +Jane, I remember, is a kitchen-maid. Of course I never pass +Paternoster Row, but that to a country cousin of Anastasia's +mental caliber is not worth consideration. She has no knowledge +of geography, London's or otherwise, and is doubtless one of those +people who think New Zealand is another name for Australia. + +On another occasion she writes to say that Martha, the head +housemaid, "such an excellent servant," (all heavily under +lined), who has been with them seventeen years, is going to marry +a nice, clean widower with six children. She must give her a nice +present; "nice" is underlined several times. She has heard that +in the Edgeware Road there are to be had, complete in case, for +three-and-sixpence, excellent clocks. She doesn't know the name +of the shop, but she believes it begins with "P," and if I could +look in as I pass, she would be most grateful. As will be +guessed, Anastasia is a wealthy woman with no sense of humor. She +knows she has none, and she says she doesn't know what rich people +want it for. Of course for poor people it is an excellent thing, +because it enables them to look at the bright side of things; but +as Anastasia's things, life in particular, are bright on all +sides, she doesn't need that particular sense. + +Then there is another country cousin she is so sweet and diffident +about asking me to do anything, that I feel I ought willingly to +look into every shop window in the Edgeware Road beginning with +"P" or any other letter, however wet or hot the day! And I am not +sure that I wouldn't! Her writing is as meek as Anastasia's is +aggressive, and she never descends to the transparency of an +underlined "if." She says, would I mind sending her a book, +called so-and-so, by such and such an author, price so much? It +is all plain sailing with Cousin Penelope. She knows just what +she wants and where to get it; so much so that I sometimes wonder +why she doesn't send straight to the shop. But country cousins +never do that; for wherein would lie the use of London cousins, if +they didn't shop for their country cousins? How would they occupy +their time? She would like me please to get it at Bumpus's, +because they are so very civil and they knew her dear father. I +might mention his name if I thought fit! Now, I know quite well +that it is impossible that any one at Bumpus's, be he ever so +venerable, can ever have known Cousin Penelope's father. The +name, being Smith, may no doubt be familiar. Of course Cousin +Penelope would repay any expense I incurred. In fact she must +insist on so doing. + +"Insist" seems too strong a word to apply to any power that Cousin +Penelope could enforce. It would be something so gentle; +persistent, perhaps, but insistent? Never! "I beg, I implore, I +entreat," would all be suitable, but "I insist " does not suggest +Cousin Penelope. + +Dear Cousin Penelope, we are told, had a love-story in her youth, +the sadness of which ruined her life. It must have been a very +beautiful thing, that sorrow., to have made her what she is. One +feels that it must be a very wonderful love that is laid away in +the wrappings of submission and tied with the ribbons of +resignation. There is assuredly no bitterness about it, and I +sometimes wonder if one's own sorrow which tears and tugs at one's +heart will some day leave such a record of holiness and patience +on one's face! I am afraid not. I look in the glass, but I see +nothing in the reflection which in the least resembles Cousin +Penelope, nor can I believe that time will do it, nor am I brave +enough to wish it. I cannot yet pray for a peace like hers. +People say time can do everything, but + + "Time is + Too slow for those who wait, + Too swift for those who fear, + Too long for those who grieve, + Too short for those who rejoice, + But for those who love Time is + Eternity." + +So it is written on a sun-dial I know, and when I have a sun-dial +of my own, those words shall be written thereon. + +"I think time lies heavily sometimes on Hugh's hands. He said one +day, "The days pass by, Betty, and we don't grow up!" + +To return to booksellers. There is "Truslove and Hanson" in my +more or less immediate neighborhood, who are civil to a degree, +but they did not know Cousin Penelope's father, therefore they are +not specially qualified to sell a book to his daughter! So to +Bumpus I must go, and I love it. A bookshop is a joy to me; the +feel of books, the smell of books, the look of books, I love! I +even enjoy cutting the pages of a book, which I believe every one +does not enjoy. + +Then there is another country cousin, Pauline. When her letter +comes, I open it with mixed feelings, in which the feeling of +fondness predominates. One can't help loving her. She never asks +one to shop for her, but with her, which is perhaps an even +greater test of friendship. On a particularly hot day, I +remember, a letter came from Pauline which announced her immediate +arrival. I was, waiting in the hall for her, ready to start, +which is a stipulation she always makes, as she says it is such a +pity to waste time. She greeted me in the same rather tempestuous +manner that I am accustomed to at the hands of Betty and Hugh, and +then she ran down the steps again to tell the cabman that he had a +very nice horse, which she patted, and said, "Whoa, mare!" She +always does that. She then asked the cabman how long he had been +driving, whether it was difficult to drive at night, and whether +it was true he could only see his horse's ears; and I think she +asked if he had any children, but of that I am not quite sure. If +she didn't, it was a lapse of memory on her part. Even the cab- +runner interested her. Hadn't I noticed what a sad face he had? + +I said I hadn't noticed anything except that he was rather dirty. +Pauline said, "Of course he is dirty; what would you be, if you +ran after cabs all day?" I wondered. + +Talking of cab-runners, I told her of the children's party I went +to with Cousin Penelope, who, very much afraid that she was late, +said in her sweetest manner to a man who opened the cab-door for +us, "Are we late?" And the man answered, "I really cannot say, +madam; I have only just this moment arrived myself." + +He was in rags, which I did not tell her; the sponge cake would +have stuck in her throat at tea if I had. But I gave him +something for his ready wit, and wished for weeks afterwards that +I had plunged into the darkness after him. "What a charming man!" +said Cousin Penelope. But to return to Pauline. + +"What a glorious day we are going to have!" she said. "It is good +of you to say I may stay the night, and if I go to a ball, you +won't mind? I have brought a small box, -- as you see." + +I did see, and to my mind its size bordered on indecency. I like +a box to look sufficiently large to take all I think a woman ought +to need for a night's stay. Pauline often assures me it does hold +everything, squashed tight, of course. I say it must be squashed +very tight, and she says it is. "That's the beauty of the +present-day fashion of fluffy things: everything is so easily +squashed, and yet you can't squash them; an accordion-pleated +thing, for instance." + +To a man whose admiration for a woman is gauged by the amount of +luggage she can travel without, Pauline would prove irresistible. +I know one who prides himself on his packing, and who has a horror +of much luggage. He was all packed ready to go to Scotland, when +his wife asked him if he could lend her a collar-stud for her +flannel shirts, and he said, "Yes, but you must carry it yourself, +I'm full up!" + +To that man Pauline, I am sure, would be very attractive. + +When Pauline and I started off on our shopping expedition, she +demurred at taking a hansom, although she loves driving in them; +but she said 'buses were so much more amusing. People in 'buses +say such funny things," she said, and so they do. The old lady in +particular who, when the horse got his leg over the trace without +hurting himself or any one else, got up and announced to the 'bus +in general: "There, I always did say I hated horses and dogs," and +sat down again. I loved her for that and for other things too, +among them her apple-cheeks and poke bonnet. + +Another reason why I insisted upon a hansom is that Pauline is not +to be trusted in a 'bus; her interest in her fellow-creatures is +embarrassing. I have, moreover, sat opposite babies in 'buses +with Pauline, and where a baby is concerned, she has no self- +control. So I was firm, and we started off in a hansom. I was +continually besought to look at some delicious baby, first this +side, then that. + +Pauline calmly avers that she would go mad if she lived in London. +She couldn't stand seeing so many beautiful children, or babies, +beautiful or otherwise. It is curious how babies in perambulators +hold out their hands to Pauline as she passes, and laugh and +gurgle at her. + +Once in Piccadilly, beautiful babies became less plentiful, and +Pauline turned her thoughts and sympathies to horses and bearing- +reins. She was instantly plunged into the depths of despair. +Couldn't I do something, she asked, to remedy such a crying evil? +She said it was the duty of every woman in London -- Something in +the catalogue she was carrying arrested her attention, and what it +was the duty of every woman to do I am not sure. I did not ask, +but was grateful for the peace which ensued. + +Pauline was glad the sales were on. She loved them, and yet she +didn't like them, because she didn't think they brought out the +best side of a woman's character. "I think," she said, "a woman's +behavior at sales is a test, don't you?" + +I said I thought her behavior as regarded swing-doors was a surer +one. She said she hadn't thought of that. + +"But I know what you mean; I do dislike the flouncing, pushing +woman. I think every one should be taught to be courteous and +gentle, don't you?" She added, "I hate being pushed." + +I told her of a woman next me in a 'bus one day, who said, "You're +a-sittin' on me!" How I rose and politely begged her pardon, +whereupon she said, "Now you're a-standin' on me!" And we agreed +that there is no pleasing some people. + +Pauline returned to the perusal of the catalogue, in which she had +put a large cross against the picture of a coat and skirt. She +said she was stock-size. She didn't suppose any really smart +women were. "Or would own to it," I suggested, but she didn't +answer; she never does if she detects any savor of malice in a +remark. She was very anxious I should admire the illustration. I +did, but I felt it my duty as a London cousin to a country cousin +to tell her that the illustration might lead her to expect too +much. She warmly agreed that of course as regarded the figure, +etc., the illustration was misleading, because she, of course, +could never look so beautifully willowy as that. She was inclined +to come out where the illustration went in, and she could never be +so slanty, never; but apart from that, of course the coat and +skirt would be exactly as it was pictured. Her figure would be to +blame, of course. Her figure happens to be a very pretty one, but +she didn't give me time to say so. I repeated that I should not +put implicit faith in the illustration. She was a little hurt. +She did not think it right to cast aspersions on the character of +so respectable a firm as that whose name headed the catalogue. I +said I didn't see it quite in the same light. Pauline looked at +me +reproachfully, and said drawing a lie was as bad as telling one. + +The argument was beyond me; besides, I like Pauline to look +reproachfully at me, she is so pretty. Being as pretty as she +undoubtedly is, I often wonder why she is not more effective. + +The right kind of country beauty is very convincing to the jaded +Londoner; but to convince, one must be convinced, and that is +exactly what Pauline is not. She never thinks whether she is +beautiful or not, and I am sure it often lies with the woman +herself, how beautiful people think her, except in the rare cases +of real beauty, when there can be but one opinion. But in the +case of ordinary beauty, the woman is appraised at her own value. +Then there is the art of putting on clothes, of which Pauline is +absolutely ignorant. There is even a studied untidiness which +passes under the name of picturesque. All of this is a closed +book to Pauline, and, after all, she is a delightful creature; but +the trouble to me was that, at the time she came up to shop with +me, she didn't wear good boots, and to do that I hold is part, or +should be part, of a woman's creed. She gets her. boots from the +village shoemaker because his wife died. Her eyes filled with +tears at the mere thought of the man, and she told me she thought +it right to encourage local talent. In the boots I saw evidences +of locality, -- bumps, for instance, -- but not of talent. +Pauline was very indignant and said she had no bumps on her feet. +"But you see my position?" I did, but I persuaded her to have +some good boots made in London. This she consented to do, rather +unwillingly and on the distinct understanding that in the country +she should continue to encourage local talent. On wet days," I +ventured. + +And at flower-shows, she added. + +I have seen Pauline in the country, against a background of golden +beech trees and brown bracken, look even beautiful; but in London +she lacks something, possibly the right background. She has +glorious hair, but her maid can't do it. Pauline admits it, but +she says she can't send a nice woman away on that account; +besides, she suffers from rheumatism, and Pauline's particular +part of the country suits her better than any other. + +"Couldn't she learn?" I suggested. + +"No, she can't," said Pauline. "She had lessons once, and she +came back and did my hair like treacle, all over my head, -- no +idea, absolutely. I should never look like you, whatever I did." + +"My dear Pauline," I said, "what nonsense!" + +"It's not nonsense. Father was saying only the other day that you +are a beautiful creature, only no one seems to see it." + +"Dear Uncle Jim," I said; "how delightful, and how like him!" + +"But it's true you are beautiful; only the part about the people +not seeing it isn't true: that's father's way of putting it. You +are beautiful!" + +"My dear child!" + +"Why do you say 'dear child' to me? People would think you were +years and years older than I am. Why do you always talk as if +life were over? Have you a secret sorrow?" + +If Pauline, warm-hearted, loving Pauline had really thought I had, +she would have been the last person to ask such a question. + +"Do I look it?" I asked. + +"No-o. Only when people seem to spend the whole of their life in +doing things for other people, it makes one suspect that they are +saying to themselves, 'As we can't be happy ourselves, we can see +that other people are.'" + +"What a philosopher you are, Pauline! If you go on that +supposition, you must have a terrible sorrow somewhere hidden +behind that happy face of yours." + +Pauline is not meant to live in London. She thanks people in a +crowd for letting her pass. If she is pushed off the pavement, +she is only sorry that the person can be so rude as to do it . She +never gets into a 'bus or takes any vehicular advantage over a +widow, and she feels choky if she sees any one very old. "Do you +know why?" she asked. "Because they are, so near Heaven, and +sometimes I think you see the reflection of it in their faces." + +"Like Cousin Penelope," I said. + +We arrived at the shop where the coat and skirt were to be had, +and Pauline, having admired the horse and thanked the cabman, and +the commissionaire, who held his arm over a perfectly dry wheel, +followed me into the shop. She admired everything as she went +through the different departments, and apologized to the +shop walkers for not being able to buy everything; but she lived +in +the country, and although the things were lovely, they would be no +use to her -- dogs on her lap most of the day, and so on. + +Everyone looked at Pauline; and old ladies, to whom she always +appeals very much, put their heads on one side, as old ladies do +when they admire anything very much, anything which reminds them +of their own youth, and smiled. Old ladies have this privilege, +that when they arrive at a certain age, they are allowed to think +they were beautiful in their youth, and to tell you so. It is a +recognized thing, and one of the recompenses of old age. We all +know that every one had a beautiful grandmother -- one at least; +and if a portrait of one grandmother belies the fact, then there +is the other one to fall back upon, of whom, unfortunately, no +portrait exists, and she was abs -- so -- lute -- lee lovely! + +The coat and skirt were found and eagerly compared with the +illustration, and Pauline turned to me and said with a triumphant +ringing her voice: "It wasn't an exaggeration. I knew it wouldn't +be. Mother has dealt here for years." + +Then we went upstairs to try it on. In a few minutes Pauline had +discovered that the fitter was supporting her deceased sister's +husband and six children, the eldest of whom wasn't quite right +and the youngest had rickets. She was so distressed that she +didn't want the back of her coat altered, the woman already had so +much to bear. But I prevailed upon her to have the alteration +made regardless of the woman's domestic anxieties. I felt sure it +would make no difference. But I cannot help feeling that +Pauline's visit to that shop did make a difference to that poor +woman, if only for a few moments in her life. And I think those +children's lives were made happier too; but it is difficult to get +Pauline to talk of these things. + +Then we went to the shoemaker, and Pauline told him all about the +widower bootmaker, and of her scruples about having boots made +by any one else. The bootmaker evidently thought that a foot like +Pauline's was worthy of a good boot and Pauline said there were +occasions on which one had to sink one's own feelings. She was +scandalized at London prices, and told the man so. "But of course +it means higher pay for the men, so it's all right." + +On our way home I said to Pauline that I couldn't understand why +she was so economical -- ready-made coats and skirts, and afraid +of paying a fair price for good boots! Was her allowance smaller +than it used to be? She got pink and didn't answer. I determined +she should, and at last she did. + +"Well, you see, I pay a woman to come and wash the shoemaker's +children on Saturday evenings." + +I smiled. "That can't cost much, unless she provides the soap." + +Pauline got pinker still. "Well, I pay for the village nurse, and +a few other little things. Then there's a little baby," she +dropped her voice, "who has no mother -- she died -- and who never +had a father, and every one doesn't care for those sort of babies. +-- You do like my coat and skirt, don't you?" + + + + +Chapter IX + + +I think, by the way, that it was on that very day that Mr. Dudley +met Pauline. She, of course, would know the exact date and hour, +but I am almost sure of it, for although it may mean a day of less +ecstatic joy to me than it does to her, it brought much peace and +subsequent happiness into my life, and therefore is writ in red +letters in my book of days. For the visits of Dick Dudley had +latterly become more frequent than I cared for, and much as I +liked him, I began to wish that I had remained in his estimation +under the shadow of Diana's charming personality, for so he had +tolerated me until the fateful day on which I had partaken of +Betty's gray wad. That act of professional valor ignited a spark +of feeling for me in his breast, which, fostered by Hugh's +constant suggestion, sprang into something warmer than I could +have wished, and was fanned into flame on the day on which he +found me paying a visit of consolation to the small fat Thomas. +Now, strangely enough, that small fat person was nephew to Dick +Dudley. How small the world is! And the mother turned out to +have been exactly the sort of mother I had thought she must be. +One of the nicest things about Dick Dudley was the way he spoke of +that sister) and we had long talks about her, until I awoke to the +fact that that sister and I must have been twins, so alike were +we; then I began to be afraid. For I couldn't tell him that there +was some one far away, for whom I was waiting from day to day. +One can hardly barricade one's self behind such an announcement. +The classification of women is incomplete. There are those who +are engaged and who care; there are those who are engaged and who +don't care; there are those who don't care and, who are not +engaged; then there are those who care and who are not engaged, so +cannot say. It is not their fault if, sometimes, they wound a +passing lover. Mercifully there are Pauline's in this world to +relieve one of unsought affections, and I liked Dick Dudley well +enough, and not too much to be glad when I saw him give ever such +a small start when he walked into my drawing-room and saw Pauline +sitting there, clothed in cool green linen and looking her very +best. I had done her glorious hair on the top -- that, I think is +the expression -- and she sat in the window so that her hair shone +like burnished gold, and she was saying in a voice fraught with +emotion, "If I had my way, there should be no sorrow or +suffering," which of all sentiments was the most likely to appeal +to Dick Dudley, for he is one of those who look upon sorrow and +suffering as bad management on the part of some one, since the +world is really such an awfully jolly place, if only people didn't +make a muddle of their lives. He says it is all very well to talk +of high ideals, you can't live up to them, the best you can do is +to live up to the highest practical ideal. But then his standard +of ideal is very much higher since he saw Pauline for the first +time. Pauline blushed when a strange man walked into the room, +which was all for the best, and made the day a happier one for me. +Not that Dick Dudley was not very loyal to me. He tried, I could +see it was an effort) not to talk too much to Pauline, although +the topic of bearing-reins, under certain circumstances, was a +very engrossing one, and spaniels a never-ending one. Pauline +expressed her surprise that Mr. Dudley should ask her if she lived +in London. + +"I thought every one could see I lived in the country," she said. +"Did you mean it for a compliment?" she asked kindly. + +Dick Dudley was a little overcome by this, and he said he would +hardly have dared to pay her a compliment, since every one knew +that girls who lived in the country away from bearing-reins and +other hardening and worldly influences, and in close proximity to +spaniels, black, liver and white, cocker, clumber, and otherwise, +were so vastly superior to their London sisters. Here Dick got a +little deep and Pauline kindly rescued him. + +"A compliment to my clothes, I meant," she said; "because all my +friends in London tell me my clothes are so countrified." + +Dick listened very, very seriously to the reasons why Pauline was +obliged to have most of her clothes made in the country, and I +could see that every moment he thought less of the importance of +clothes and their makers, and more and more of the qualities +essential in woman, simplicity, goodness, frankness, and an +absence of artificiality. I saw it all on his face, dawning +slowly and surely. By the time we had had tea, I could see it was +a matter of mutual satisfaction to both Dick and Pauline to find +that they were going to the same dance that night. The +responsibility of chaperoning Pauline was not mine. + +My anxiety as to the ball dress emerging from the small box was +relieved by Pauline telling me that it was to come from the +dressmaker just in time for her to dress for the ball; which it +did. She came to be inspected by Nannie and me before she +started, and she really looked delicious. Her assets as a country +girl counted heavily that night, she looked so fresh, so natural, +and so full of the joy of living. Her hair counted, every hair of +it. Nannie was so touched that she wept aloud and said it was +what I ought to be doing. But I told her professional aunts went +only to children's parties, where they could be of some use. +Pauline wished I was going. "Betty," she said and paused, I am +sure Mr. -- is his name Dudley? feels very much your not going." +I laughed, and marked it down against her that she should have +said, "Is his name Dudley?" It was the first evidence of feminine +guile I had detected in her. Men are answerable for a very great +deal. + +I woke to greet Pauline when she came into my sunlit room at five +o'clock in the morning, looking still fresh, untired, and more +than ever full of the joy of living. "Oh, it was lovely," she +said, sitting down on my bed. + +"Who saw you home?" I asked professionally. + +"Oh, Aunt Adela to the very door; she even waited till I shut it." + +"Who did you dance with? " I asked. + +"Heaps and heaps of people. I was lucky; all Thorpshire seemed to +be there; and then Mr. Dudley. Betty, I understand now." + +"What?" I said, alarmed by the note of tragic kindness in her +voice. + +"About Mr. Dudley, he talked about you so beautifully. He agrees +with me absolutely about your character, and he told me about his +sister." Pauline's voice became hushed. + +"Did he say she was just a little like you, Pauline?" + +"Yes, he did. You knew her, then? He said I reminded him of her +so strangely. I think he would make a woman very happy. I do +really." + +"So do I, dear Pauline, really." + +"Then won't you?" + +"No, darling goose." + +"Why?" + +"Because I am not the woman. Go to bed, Pauline." + +She went -- to sleep? I cannot say. I forget whether a girl goes +to sleep the first night after she has fallen in love. Night? I +suppose I should say morning. But it depends on the hour when she +takes the first step into that bewildering fairyland of first +love. For a fairyland it assuredly is, if she is lucky enough to +find the right guide. He must, to begin with, believe in the +fairyland. He must know that the path may be rough at times, +stony and overgrown with weeds, but he will know that all the +difficulties will be worth while when he brings her out into the +open, and they look away to the limitless horizon of happiness. + +A few hours later, Pauline said to me at breakfast, "Betty, I +think I shall tell that bootmaker to make me two pairs of boots +and two pairs of shoes. It is better to have enough while one is +about it, don't you think so?" + +So began the regeneration of Pauline, regeneration in the matter +of footgear, I mean, and to wear good boots did her character no +harm, nor the pocket of the country shoemaker either, I am sure. +Good boots could not turn her feet from the pathway of truth and +goodness which from her earliest childhood she had set out to +tread, never pausing except to pick up some one who lagged behind, +or to help some one who had strayed from the path. + +Dick Dudley, whose pathway through life had zigzagged +considerably, was astonished to find how easy the pathway was to +keep, guided by Pauline, and how alluring the goal of goodness. +He gave himself up gladly to her guidance, and was touched to find +how much there was of latent goodness in him. He had never before +realized, that was all, how much he loved his fellow-creatures, +how he longed to help them all, how the conditions of the +laboring-classes made his blood boil with indignation, how he +idolized babies, loved old women, reverenced old men. + +It was all a revelation to him. It was, moreover, delightful to +be told by Pauline how wonderful she found all these things in +him, and how unexpected. This, she explained, was nothing +personal. "But I often wondered if I should ever meet a man like +you." + +"Darling," he answered humbly, "I don't think I am that sort of +man; really, I'm awfully and frightfully ordinary." + +Then Pauline, to prove the contrary, would ask him if he didn't +feel this or that or the other? And of course he could truthfully +say he did, because he felt all and everything Pauline wished him +to feel, with her beautiful eyes fixed upon him and the flush of +enthusiasm on her cheeks. Here was something to inspire a man, +this splendidly generous, magnanimous creature. Of course he had +always felt all these things; he had been groping after goodness. +It was the goodness in Diana, and he was kind enough to say in the +professional aunt, which had appealed to him. He had been feeling +after, it for years, but it was only Pauline who had revealed it +to him, in himself. Well, he was very much in love. Most men +engaged to charming girls feel their own unworthiness, and the +girl is sweetly content that they should do so. Not so Pauline. +She revealed to her astonished lover a depth of goodness in his +character that he had least suspected, and he gradually began to +feel how little he had been understood. + +Now this is an excellent basis on which to start an engagement. I +forget exactly how and when they became engaged, but it was +certainly before Dick said humbly, "Darling, I don't think I am +that sort of man; really, I'm awfully and frightfully ordinary," +because, with all Pauline's kindness to sinners, there was none +hardened enough to address her as "darling" without being first +engaged to her; so by that I know they were engaged that evening +at the opera, because it was in a Wagnerian pause that Dick said +those words, in a loud voice from the back of the box. How else +should a professional aunt know these things? + +Between meeting Dick and becoming engaged to him, Pauline went +home and came back with a larger box and stayed quite a long time, +as time goes, although, as a time in which to become engaged, it +was very short, and Nannie, feeling this, asked Pauline if she +knew much about Mr. Dudley, and was she wise? In spite of this +anxiety on Nannie's part, she enjoyed it all immensely, and wept +to her heart's content when the engagement was announced. Now +Dick Dudley was a rich young man, and I wondered whether other +people wept too from motives less pure and simple than Nannie's. + +Pauline wanted me to join a society called "The Deaf Dog Society." +The obligation enforced on members was that they should kneel +down, put their arms round the neck of any deaf dog they should +chance to meet, and say, "Darling, I love you." + +"You see," she said, "a deaf dog doesn't know he is deaf, he only +wonders why no one ever speaks to him, why no one ever calls him. +So you see what a splendid society it is, and there is no +subscription." + +Dick made a stipulation that the benefits of the society should be +conferred on dogs only. He made a point of that. + + + + +Chapter X + + +As there was nothing to wait for, happy people, it was agreed by +all parties that the wedding should take place in August, which +kept me rather late in town; it was hardly worth going away, to +come back again, as back again I had to come, as Betty and Hugh +were coming to stay with me for a night on their way to +Thorpshire. It is not astonishing, perhaps, that two children, +modern children in particular, and a nursery-maid can fill to +overflowing a small London house, but it is astonishing how +demoralizing a thing it is. A visiting child to people who have +children of their own means nothing, beyond the changing from one +room to another of some particular child, or the putting up of an +extra bed, or perhaps the joy supreme to some child of sleeping in +something that is not a real bed. We all remember that joy. +Except for that one child, it is an every-day thing and fraught +with no particular excitement. The servants, for instance, in a +house where children are an every-day thing, remain quite calm, if +good tempered, when a visiting child is expected, and the kitchen- +maid, no doubt, cleans the doorstep as usual, and, no doubt, takes +in the milk. But this I know, that if I had happened to possess +such a thing when Betty and Hugh were coming to stay, my doorstep +would never have been cleaned. For once I was glad that I +depended on the services of a very small boy, who thinks he cleans +it. Staid and level-headed as were my maids, they answered no +bells that morning, which was perhaps natural, as I believe none +ring up to the nursery. Of course they had to be interested in +Nannie's arrangements. + +It was a hot August day, I remember, and I sat at the window +writing, or pretending to write. As a matter of fact, I was +listening. Among other things to the "Austrian Anthem," played +over and over again, first right hand, then left, then both, but +not together, by, I guessed, a child about ten years old, next +door. + +Poor, hot child, how I pitied her. + +"Never mind," I thought, "take courage, seaside time is coming. +Within a few days, no doubt, an omnibus will come to the door +empty, to go away full, filled with luggage, crowned by a +perambulator and a baby's bath!" It is only a woman who can +travel with a perambulator and a bath; they are the epitome of +motherhood. A father is always too busy to go by that particular +train. + +I heard the twitter of sparrows, the jingle of bells, the hooting +of a siren, or was it my neighbor singing "A rose I gave to you"? +of course it was, -- the rumble of a post-office van, and the cry +of children's voices, rather peevish voices, poor mites! Never +mind, seaside time is coming. + +Listening more intently, I beard in the far distance, yet +distinct, the cries of the children who ought to go to the +seaside, children who have never been to the seaside, never +paddled, never built castles, never caught crabs, never seen sea- +anemones or starfish, children whose faces are wan and whose +mothers are too tired to be kind to them. It is often that, I am +sure, too tired to be kind! + +Listening again, I heard faintly - it is not with the ears that +one hears these things -- the unuttered complaints of those tired +mothers, worn-out women, despairing men, and the singing, in dark +alleys and in hot areas, of caged birds. There are thousands of +caged creatures, other than birds, in London in August, men, +women, and children. Hats off, then, to the little feathered +Christians who sing for their fellow-prisoners a paean of praise. +It is perhaps easier to sing to the patch of blue sky when you do +not know that it will be hidden behind clouds tomorrow. + +"They've come," cried Nannie. + +"O Aunt Woggles!" said Hugh, "I've brought you a lovely +caterpillar wrapped up in grass." + +"And I've brought you one of my very own bantam eggs," said Betty. +"I've kept it ever so long for you." + +Then it will be bad, said Hugh. + +"Oh, not so long as to be bad," said Betty. "You will eat it, +won't you, Aunt Woggles?" + +Nannie was radiantly happy at tea that day, but I think her +happiness was supreme when she fetched me later to look at the +children asleep. We stole into Betty's room together, and Nannie +shaded the candle as she held it, for me to look at what is +assuredly the loveliest thing on God's earth -- a sleeping child. + +Nannie, in an eloquent silence, pointed to the chair on which lay +Betty's clean clothes, folded ready for the morning, and to her +hairy horse which she had brought for company. Her blue slippers +were beside the bed. Then we went into Hugh's room. He, too, lay +peaceful and beautiful, his clothes folded ready for the morning, +and his pistol beside him in case he was "attacked." His slippers +were red, and Nannie, at the sight of them, cried quietly. To +some happy mothers a child's slippers mean nothing more than size +two or three, and serve only to remind her how quickly children +grow out of things! + +But to Nannie they brought back memories of years of happiness, +through which little feet, in just the same sort of slippers, had +pattered, stumbling here, falling there, picked up, and guided by +her. But she thought most of the little feet in just that sort of +slippers, that had stopped still forever early on their life's +journey. It is the voices that are hushed that call most +distinctly, the footsteps that stop that are most carefully +traced. It is the children who have gone that stand and beckon! + + + + +Chapter XI + + +Pauline's wedding-day dawned gloriously bright and beautiful. The +whole village was up and doing, very early, putting the finishing +touches to the decorations. + +The widower shoemaker and his children, and the woman who washed +them -- the children, I mean -- on Saturdays, had all combined to +erect a triumphal arch of, great splendor, and the woman showed +such sensibility in the choice of mottoes, and such a nice +appreciation of the joys of matrimony, together with a decided +leaning towards the bridegroom's side of the arch, that the +shoemaker suggested that she should suit her actions to her words +-- that was how he expressed it -- and marry him, which she agreed +to do. But she afterwards explained, in breaking the news to her +friends, that they could have knocked her down with a leaf! +Whether this was due to the weakened state of her heart, or to her +precarious position on the ladder, I do not know. + +Everybody and everything was in a bustle, with the exception of +Aunt Cecilia, who sat through it all as calm and as beautiful as +ever. Not that she did not feel parting with Pauline, but her +love for everybody and everything was of a nature so purely +unselfish that it never occurred to her to count the cost to +herself. + +I have never met any one who so completely combines in her +character gentleness and strength as does Aunt Cecilia: so gentle +in spirit and judgment, and so strong in her fight for principles +and beliefs. If she has a weakness, and I could never wish any +one I love to be without one, it lies in her love for Patience. +She does not think it right to play in the morning, but sometimes, +being unable to withstand the temptation of so doing, she plays it +in an empty drawer of her writing-table, and if she hears any one +coming, she can close the drawer! + +Her greatest interest in life, next to her husband and children, +is her garden and other people's gardens. In fact, she looks at +life generally from a gardening point of view, and is apt to +regard men as gardeners, possible gardeners, or gardeners wasted. +As gardeners they have their very distinct use, and as such +deserve every consideration, but if a man will not till the soil, +he is a cumberer thereof. She, at least, inclines that way in +thought. Life, she says, is a garden, children the flowers, +parents the gardeners. "If we treated children as we do roses, +they would be far happier. We don't call roses naughty when they +grow badly and refuse to flower as they ought to; we blame the +gardeners or the soil." + +"But, Aunt Cecilia," I say, "one can recommend an unsatisfactory +gardener to a friend, but one can't so dispose of unsatisfactory +parents." + +"You must educate them, dear." + +Now all this sounds very convincing when said by Aunt Cecilia, +because, for one thing, she says it very charmingly, and for +another, she is still a very beautiful woman. She is too fond, +perhaps, of extinguishing her beauty under a large mushroom hat, +and is given to bending too much over herbaceous borders, and so +hiding her beautiful face. But I dare say the flowers love to +look at it, and to see mirrored in it their own loveliness. + +Aunt Cecilia wears a bonnet sometimes, and thereby hangs a tale. +So few aunts wear a bonnet nowadays that the fact of one doing so +is almost worth chronicling. She doesn't wear it very often, only +at the christenings of the head gardener's babies. From a +christening point of view that is very often, but from a bonnet +point of view I suppose it might be called seldom -- once a year? +I know that bonnet well, because it has been sent to me often for +renovation. On one particular occasion it arrived in a cardboard +box. On the top of the bonnet was a bunch of flowers, beautiful +enough to make any bonnet accompanying it welcome, in whatever +state of dilapidation. Aunt Cecilia has a knack of sending just +the right sort of flowers, and they always bring a message, which +everybody's flowers don't do. + +The bonnet I renovated to the best of my ability and sent it back. +In the course of a few days I received a slightly agitated note +from Aunt Cecilia. "It doesn't suit me, dearest, and after all +the trouble you have taken!" + +Knowing Aunt Cecilia, I wrote back, "Did you try it on in bed with +your hair down?" + +She answered by return, "Dearest, I did! It really suits me very +well now that I have tried it on in my right mind. I am going to +wear it at the last little Shrub's christening, this afternoon. +It is just in time." + +When David and Diana were singled out by night for the particular +attention of a burglar, Aunt Cecilia wrote to sympathize and said, +"I am so thankful, dearest, David did not meet the poor, misguided +man!" + +May we all be judged as tenderly! + +This is a digression, but it perhaps explains Pauline and +Pauline's wedding, and the joy with which all the people in the +village entered into it. + +The strangest people kept on arriving the morning of the wedding. +It was verily a gathering of the halt, the lame, and the blind -- +all friends of Pauline's. Whenever Uncle Jim was particularly +overcome, it was sure to mean that some old soldier, officer or +otherwise, had turned up, who had served with him in some part of +the world, long before Pauline was born. Aunt Cecilia welcomed +them all in her inimitable manner, which made each one feel that +he was the one and most particularly honored guest. For all her +apparent absent-mindedness, she knew exactly who belonged to Mrs. +Bunce's department and who not. + +Mrs. Bunce, the old housekeeper, was very busy, every button doing +its duty! A wedding didn't come her way every day. The sisters- +in-law, of course, came with their belongings. + +Zerlina was distressed at the nature of many of the presents; and +wondered if Pauline would have enough spare rooms to put them in; +which showed how little she knew her. If Pauline had told her +that she valued the alabaster greyhound under a glass case, +subscribed for by the old men and women in the village, over +seventy, Zerlina wouldn't have believed her any more than did old +Mrs. Barker when Diana told her Sara was named after a dear old +housemaid and not after the Duchess. + +Betty and Hugh were among the bridesmaids and pages, and Hugh +shocked Betty very much by saying, in the middle of the service +"When may I play with my girl?" + +Some one described Uncle Jim as looking like one of the Apostles, +and Aunt Cecilia certainly looked like a saint. Ought I, by the +way, to bracket an apostle and a saint? But nothing was so +wonderful or so beautiful as the expression on Pauline's face. I +am sure that, as she walked up the aisle, she was oblivious to +everything and every one except God and Dick. + +It is assuredly a great responsibility for a man to accept such a +love as hers. + +A wedding is nearly always a choky thing, and Pauline's was +particularly so. As she left the church, she stopped in the +churchyard to speak to her friends, and for one old woman she +waited to let her feel her dress. + +"Is it my jewels you want to feel, Anne?" she said, as the old +hands tremblingly passed over her bodice. "I have on no jewels." + +The old hands went up to Pauline's face and gently and reverently +touched it. "God bless her happy face," said the old woman. "I +had to know for sure." Pauline kissed the old fingers gently. We +all knew for sure, but then we had eyes to see. + +Pauline went away in the afternoon, and the villagers danced far +into the evening, and there was revelry in the park by night. + +After Pauline and Dick had gone away, I walked across the park to +the post office to send a telegram to Julia, who was kept at home +by illness, to her very great disappointment. There is nothing +she adores like a wedding. I was glad to escape for a few +minutes. I wrote out the telegram and handed it to the +postmaster, who, reading it, said, I'm glad it went off so well. +"There's nobody what wouldn't wish her well." Then he counted the +words. "Julia Westby?" he said. "Um-um-um-um. Eleven, miss. +You might as well give her the title." I laughed and added, or +rather he added, the "Lady." + +Julia is not a sister-in-law really, but she likes to call herself +so, since she might have been one, having been for one ecstatic +week in Archie's life engaged to him. She is wont now to lay her +hand on his head, in public, for choice, and say, "He was almost +mine." She says she still loves him as a friend. "But, you see, +dearest Betty, there is everything that is delightful in the +relationship of a poor friend, but a poor husband! That is +another thing. To begin with, it is not fair to a man that he +should have to deny his wife things. It is bad for his character +and, of course, for hers. He becomes a saint at her expense, +whereas the expense should always be borne by the husband. +William is so delightfully rich, but he is not an Archie, of +course! But then husbands are not supposed to be." + +Hugh, going to bed, wondered if the angels would bring Pauline a +baby that night, a darling little baby! + +And Betty said, in her great wisdom, "Oh, darling, I think it +would be too exciting for Pauline to be married and have a baby +all on one day." + +Then Hugh suggested the glorious possibility of the angels +bringing it to Fullfield, whereupon Hyacinth said that was not at +all likely, because she knew that when a baby was born, it was +usual for one or other parent to be present! + +We stayed for a few days at Fullfield, and Hugh and Betty enjoyed +themselves immensely. Hyacinth said it was just like staying for +a week at the pantomime, and Betty said, with a deep sigh, that it +was much nicer, a billion times nicer. + +Pauline's brother Jack most nearly resembled any one in a +pantomime, and the children loved him. One day at lunch he went +to the side-table to fetch a potato in its jacket, and coming back +he laid it on Uncle Jim's slightly bald head and said, "Am I +feverish, father?" + +"It Good Heavens, my boy!" exclaimed Uncle Jim; "you must be in an +awful state!" + +After that, the eyes of the children never left Jack during any +meal at which they happened to be present, and whenever he got up +to fetch anything, Hugh began dancing with joy and saying in a +loud whisper, "He's going to do something funny"; and if Jack +remained silent, Hugh was sure he was thinking of something to do. +It is difficult to live up to those expectations. + +One morning at breakfast Hugh said suddenly, "Aunt Woggles, have +you got a mole?" + +I said I believed I had. + +"It's frightfully lucky. I have," he said, pulling up his sleeve +and disclosing a mole on his very white little arm. "It is +lucky." + +"I've got one too," said Betty, diving under the table. + +"All right, darling," I said, "you needn't show us." + +"I couldn't, Aunt Woggles, at least not now. If you come to see +me in my bath, you can; but it's truthfully there." + +I said I was sure it was. + +"I 'spect she's sitting on it," said Hugh in aloud whisper; +"that's why." + +"We asked Mr. Hardy once if he had a mole, and he got redder and +redder;" we asked him at lunch, said Betty. + +"He got redder and redder," said Hugh, by way of corroboration. +"Mother said moles weren't good things to ask people about, so we +asked him if he had any little children, and he hadn't; then we +didn't know what to ask." + +"We only asked about moles because we wanted him to be lucky," +said kindhearted Betty. + +"Last time I went to the Zoo," said Hugh, "I gave all my bread to +one animal. He was a lucky animal, wasn't he?" + +It was the hippopotamus, I think; he was lucky." + +"Perhaps he has a mole, Hugh," I said. + +We'll look, said Hugh. "I 'spect he has." + +The proverbial difficulty of finding a needle in a haystack seemed +child's play compared to that of finding a mole on a hippopotamus. + + + + +Chapter XII + + +Another aunt, Anna by name, suggested that as I was at Fullfield, +I might take the opportunity of paying her a visit at Manwell, why +because I was at Fullfield I don't know, as they are miles apart, +counties apart I should say. However, I went because it is +difficult to refuse Aunt Anna anything; she accepts no excuses. +It is as well for any one who wishes to see Aunt Anna at her best +to see her in her own home. She, according to Aunt Cecilia, does +best in her own soil. Moreover, she is nothing without her +family, it so thoroughly justifies her existence. + +Aunt Anna is one of those jewels who owe a certain amount to their +setting. + +Her husband calls her a jewel, and as such she is known by the +family in general which recalls to my mind an interesting biennial +custom which was said to hold good in the Manwell family. Every +time a lesser jewel made its appearance, the mother-jewel was +presented with a diamond and ruby ornament of varying +magnificence, with the words "The price of a good woman is far +above rubies" conveniently inscribed thereon. + +Aunt Anna took it all very seriously, from the tiara downward, and +if diamond and ruby shoe-buckles had not involved twins, I think +she would have hankered after those, but even as it was, she came +in time to possess a very remarkable collection of rubies and +diamonds. + +Aunt Anna is very prosperous, very happy, very rich, and very +contented. + +She prides herself on none of these things, but only on the +unprejudiced state of her maternal mind. + +"Of course," she says, "I cannot help seeing that my children are +more beautiful than other people's. It would be ludicrously +affected and hypocritical of me if I pretended otherwise. If they +were plain, I should be the first to see it, and --" + +I think she was going to add "say it," but she stopped short; she +invariably does at a deliberate lie, because she is a very +truthful woman, and thinks a lie is a wicked thing unless socially +a necessity. + +I arrived at tea-time which is a thing Aunt Anna expects of her +guests. I noticed that she looked a little less contented than +usual, and that she even gave way to a gesture of impatience when +Mrs. Blankley asked for a fifth cup of tea. Mrs. Blankley is a +great advocate of temperance. In connection with which, Aunt Anna +once said that she thought there should be temperance in all +things beginning with "t." Which vague saying, as illustrative of +her wit, was treasured up by her indulgent husband and quoted "As +Anna so funnily said." + +Now as Aunt Anna, we know, never says witty things unless under +strong provocation, she rarely says them, for she is of an +amazingly even temperament. She often says she considers +cleverness a very dangerous gift. It is not one I seek for either +myself or my children. It is so easy to say clever, unkind +things. Every one can do it if they choose; the difficulty is not +to say them. + +It is evident that Aunt Anna chooses the harder part. + +Mrs. Blankley, having disposed of the fifth cup of tea, expressed +a desire to see the pigs. Aunt Anna never goes to see pigs, nor +demands that sacrifice of Londoners, for which act of +consideration I honor her; not but what I am fond of pigs, black +ones and small. Aunt Anna knows that there are such things +because of the continual presence of bacon in her midst. She also +knows that pigs are things that get prizes. She still clings to +her childish belief that streaky bacon comes from feeding the pigs +one day and not the next. + +Every one, like Mrs. Blankley, had a thirst to see something, and +I was left alone with Aunt Anna, to discuss Pauline's wedding. As +a rule, there is nothing Aunt Anna would sooner discuss, but I saw +that something was worrying her, and I guessed that the +unburdening of a rarely perturbed mind was imminent. It was. + +"Is anything wrong? -- I asked. "Any of the children worrying +you? She nodded and pointed to a diamond and ruby brooch and said +plaintively. "This one, Claud, just a little worrying." + +I tried to hide a smile. "Oh, that's Claud, is it? I get a little +mixed." + +"I dare say, dear," she said; "but it's quite simple, really. +Jack was the tiara, and so on." + +"What has Claud been doing?" I asked. "Oh, nothing he can help, I +feel sure. He has a temperament, I believe. What it is I don't +quite know; people grow out of it, I am told. It's not so much +doing things as saying them; and his friends are odd, decidedly +odd. They wear curious ties, have disheveled hair, and are +distinctly décolleté. I don't know if I should apply the word to +men, but they are." + +I suggested that these little indiscretions on the part of extreme +youth need not worry her. But she said they did, in a way, +because her other children were so very plain sailing. They never +took any one by surprise. She then told me of poor Lady Adelaide, +a near neighbor, at least as near as it was possible for any +neighbor to be, considering the extent of the Manwell property, +one of whose boys had written a book without her knowledge, and +the other had married under exactly similar conditions. + +I said I thought the writing of a book a minor offense compared to +the matrimonial venture. She agreed, but said they were both +upsetting because unexpected. As an instance, did I remember when +Lady Victoria was butted by her pet lamb, when she was showing the +Prince her white farm? It wasn't the upsetting she minded, so +much as the unexpectedness of it, because the lamb had a blue +ribbon round its neck! + +"A black sheep in a white farm, Aunt Anna!" I said. + +"No, dear, it was white, and it was a lamb." + +But to return to Lady Adelaide. Now that Aunt Anna came to think +of it, the marriage was the better of the two shocks, because +financially it was a success, and the book wasn't. "Books +aren't," She added. + +"Is that all Claud does, or, rather, his friends do?" I asked. + +"No, it's not," she said. "Ever since he went to Oxford he has +changed completely. He has got into his head that we are a self- +centered family, and that I am a prejudiced mother, when it is the +only thing I am not. I may be everything else for all I know, I +may be daily breaking all the commandments without knowing it! +But a prejudiced mother I am not! Before he went to Oxford he +came into my bedroom one morning, and he said that he thought +Maud and Edith were quite the most beautiful girls he had ever +seen, and he had sat behind some famous beauty in a theatre a few +nights before. I didn't ask him! I was suffering from neuralgia +at the time, I remember, and he might, under the circumstances, +have agreed just to soothe me, but he said it of his own accord, +and he wondered if they would go up to London and walk down Bond +Street with him. I said it should be arranged. They walked with +him three times up and down Bond Street; he only asked for once. +I am only telling you this because you will then realize what this +change in him means to me. He came back from Oxford after one +term and he said nothing about the girls' beauty, although I +thought them improved. I didn't say so; I made some little joke +about Bond Street, which he pretended not to understand. So I +just said I thought the girls improved, or rather were looking +very pretty, and he said, "My dear mother, we must learn to look +at these things from the point of view of the outsider. Place +yourself in the position of a man of the world seeing them for the +first time." + +To begin with, Aunt Anna proceeded to explain, she could never +place herself in a position to which she was not born; she did not +think it right. She said that Claud then urged her to look at it +from stranger's point of view, since that of man of the world was +impracticable, which Aunt Anna said was a thing no mother could +do, nor would she wish to do it. She left such things to +actresses. Talking of actresses reminded her that Claud had even +found fault with Maud as an actress, when every one knew how very +excellent she was. Several newspapers, the Southshire Herald in +particular, had alluded to her as one of our most talented +actresses. + +"We had a professional down to coach her, and he said there was +really nothing he could teach her. He was a very nice man, and +had all his meals with us. I went," continued Aunt Anna, "to see +the great French actress who was in London in the spring, you +remember? And if ever a mother went with an unprejudiced mind, I +was that mother. I was prepared to think she was better than +Maud, and if she had been, I should have been the first to say it. +But she was not, at least not to my mind! Maud is always a lady, +even on the stage, and that woman was not." + +I ventured to suggest that she was perhaps not supposed to be a +lady in the part. Aunt Anna said, "Perhaps not, but that does not +matter; Maud would be a lady under any circumstances, whatever +character she impersonated, laundress or lady. Claud says she +will never act till she learns to forget herself I trust one of my +daughters will never do that!" + +I strove to pacify Aunt Anna, but her tender heart was wounded and +she was hard to comfort. + +"Claud must admire Edith's violin playing," I ventured. + +Aunt Anna shook her head. "He begged me to eliminate from my mind +all preconceived notions and to judge her from the unprejudiced +point of view. I told Edith to put away her violin. Claud says I +must call it a fiddle. I could not bear to see it. I never +thought there could be such dissension in our united family." + +By way of distraction, I asked if the young man at tea with the +disheveled hair and startlingly unorthodox tie was a friend of +Claud's, and she said, "His greatest!" + +At that moment Claud came into the room, wearing a less earnest +expression than usual and Aunt Anna held out a hand of +forgiveness. He warmly clasped it. "Mother," he said, +"Windlehurst has just told me, in strict confidence, that he +considers Maud's the most beautiful face he has ever seen, except, +of course, in the best period of ancient Greek art. I knew you +wanted to hear the unprejudiced opinion of an unbiased outsider." + +I wondered how Windlehurst would like the description! Claud went +on: "I think Edith every bit as good looking, more so in some +ways. Now that I have heard an unprejudiced opinion I can express +mine, which you have known all along. You see, mother, people say +we are a self-centered and egotistical family. I have proved that +we are not." + +"Dear, dearest Claud, your tie is disarranged," murmured his +mother, struggling to reduce it to the dimensions of the orthodox +sailor knot. "Do wait and listen to all dear Betty is telling me +of dearest Pauline's wedding. So interesting. Go on, dear Betty; +where had we got to?" + + + + +Chapter XIII + + +My correspondence regarding my summer plans was varied, and the +suggestions contained therein numerous. Here are some of the +letters. + +Diana's: + +Darling Betty, -- What do you say to the Cornish coast, coves, +cream, and children! As much of the coast and cream, and as +little of the children as you like! David has a bachelor shoot in +view, and I think sea air would do the children good. I do not +propose leaving any nurses at home, or sending them away; they +shall all come and run after Sara should she get into the sea, +when she ought not to, but you and I will have the joy of watching +her. She really is delicious paddling. Think of the rocks, and +the coves, and the sands, and not of the wind or of other +disadvantages that may strike you. As much as you like you shall +read, and whatever you like, so long as you will, at intervals, +look up and smile at me. I shall love to feel you are there, so +do come, not as a professional aunt, as you sometimes describe +yourself, but as your own dear self. + + Your loving + DIANA + +Zerlina's: + +Dearest Betty, -- I know how difficult you are to find disengaged, +but do try and come to Cornwall with us. The children would love +to have you, and I know you enjoy tearing about after them on the +sands! Nurse must go home for her holiday, and the nursery-maid +is so useless. But you shall do exactly as you like. I know you +wouldn't mind if I left you for a day or two. Jim is so keen that +I should go to the Cross-Patches, being in the neighborhood, more +or less. Do write and say you will come. I do get such headaches +at the seaside, and I look so awful when I get sun burnt, but it +suits you. + + Yours, + ZERLINA + +Julia's: + +Betty dear, -- You have simply got to come. Diana tells me she is +asking you to Cornwall, and that, I know, you will not refuse, +because for some extraordinary reason you can't refuse her +anything. Oh! for Diana's charm for one day a week! What +wouldn't I do! That woman wastes her life; I've always said so. +But go to Cornwall, blazes, or anywhere you like, but come here on +your way back -- everywhere is on the way back from Cornwall. +Because the house is to be full of William's friends and he is +never perfectly at ease unless there is a bishop among them, and a +bishop drives me to desperate deeds of wickedness. They always +like me! Betty, in your capacity of professional something, think +of me. I want helping more than any one. I don't ask you to give +up Cornwall, but afterwards, don't disappoint your + + JULIA. + +A girl's: + +Dear Miss Lisle, -- I wonder if you will remember me. I am almost +afraid to hope so. But I met you last summer at the Anstells' +garden-party, and you passed me an ice, vanilla and strawberry +mixed! I have never forgotten it. It was not so much passing the +ice, lots of people did that, as the way you did it. I was very +unhappy at the time, and there was something in your expression as +you did it that made me feel you were unlike any one else I had +ever met. I wore green muslin! + +I am wondering whether you would come to Cornwall, to stay with +us. The coast is lovely, and in its wildness one can forget one's +self, and that, I think, is what one most wants to do! I know +what a help you would be to me, if you could come, and I will tell +you all my troubles when we have been together some days. One +gets to know people by the sea very quickly, I think, don't you? +Although I feel as if I had known you all my life. My hat was +brown, mushroom. + + Your sincere friend and admirer, + VERONICA VOKINS + +P. S. -- I forgot to say that my father and mother will be +delighted to see you. I have ten brothers and sisters, but there +is miles of coast, and I and my five sisters have a sitting-room +all to ourselves. Father says "he" must pass his examinations +first. I tell you this because you will then understand. "He" +won the obstacle race at the Anstells', but he was in a sack, so I +expect you did not notice him! + +The big, sad Thomas: + +Dear Miss Lisle, -- For months, in fact since the day you restored +the screw to my small son, I have been trying to write to you on a +subject that may or may not be distasteful to you. That it will +come as a surprise I feel sure. My love for my boy must be my +excuse; nothing else could justify my writing to any woman as I am +about to write to you. Will you be a mother to my Thomas? It +would not be honest on my part to pretend that I can offer you in +myself anything but a very sad and lonely man, the best of me +having gone. No one could ever, -- or shall ever, take the place +of my beloved wife in my heart, the remains of which I offer +unreservedly to you. For the sake of my boy I am prepared to +sacrifice myself, and I can at least promise you that you shall +never regret by any action of mine whatever sacrifice it may +entail on your part. I shall not insult you by the mention of +money matters or any such things, for I feel sure that the fact of +my being a rich man will make no difference in your decision as to +whether or no you will be a mother to my Thomas. + + Yours very sincerely, + THOMAS GLYNNE + +Lady Glenburnie's: + +Dear Betty, -- If you should be in the North, -- and why not make +a certainty of it? -- don't forget us! A line to say when and +where to meet you is all we want, and you will find the warmest of +welcomes awaiting you, and your own favorite room in the turret. +Don't mention nephews or nieces in answering this. + + Your affectionate + MARY GLENBURNIE + +Brother Archie's: + +Angel Betty, -- Help a brother in distress. I'm desperately in +love. First of all, -- how long do you suppose it will last? +Forever, I think. But I can't live at this pitch for long, and my +summer plans depend on it. She is lovely. Makes me long to sing +hymns on Sunday evenings; you know the kind of thing --feeling, I +should say! She's like Pauline, only more beautiful, I think. I +will tell you all about it when we meet. There are complications. +My first trouble is this: I have taken a small place in Skye with +Coningsby. Now it is perfectly impossible to live with Con when +one is in love; of all the unsympathetic, dried-up old crabs, he +is the worst. Now the question is, can I buy him out? Have you +to stay instead, ask my beloved too, save her from drowning, which +in Skye should be easy, and then live happily ever afterwards. I +am consumed with a desire to save her from something. It is a +symptom, I know, but, Betty dear, it is serious this time. Her +eyes look as if they saw into another world, which makes me feel +hopeless! I don't mind you hinting something about it to Julia, +if you should see her. You needn't enter into details! + + Yours ever, + ARCHIE + +Of all the letters, Diana's was the most tempting. + +Zerlina's had no power to lure. Dear Archie's little -- he had so +often written the same -- sort of letters. Veronica Vokins' less, +and the sad, big Thomas! What a curious letter! I hardly knew +whether to laugh or to cry. How careful he was to point out the +sacrifice on his part entailed in his offer. It was hardly +flattering to me, except that he refrained from mentioning his +worldly goods, or the advantages to me accruing from the bestowal +thereof. I had at least looked unworldly when I had visited the +small Thomas in bed; of that I was glad. And, after all, why +should I mind? It is something, perhaps, to be asked to be a +mother to a small fat Thomas. I wrote, refusing as kindly as I +could. I dare say there are women who would accept the position. +Let us hope, if one be found to do so, that she will not forget +the mother part! + +Dear Lady Glenburnie's letter had something of temptation lurking +in it somewhere. The turret room, commanding its views of purple +hills and sunsets, and the warmest of welcomes! But, again, the +most aching of memories. I could not go there again under +circumstances so different. If ever it could be again as it had +been, how I should love it! So that invitation I declined, saying +I should be in Cornwall with Diana. Lady Glenburnie would forgive +the mention of Diana, I knew, and of Betty, Hugh, and Sara I said +nothing, as she had stipulated. + +Then I wrote to Julia saying I would go to her after I had been to +Cornwall. She might need consoling by then, should Archie have +proved himself recovered of the wounds inflicted by her. This I +did not tell her. If I waited a little, there might be nothing to +tell. + + + + +Chapter XIV + + +So to Cornwall I went, and found the sands and the coves and the +rocks and the sea, just as Diana had said, nor was I disappointed +in the back view of Sara with her petticoats tucked into her +bathing-drawers. It was divine. She was delicious, too, +paddling, and there were enough nurses to prevent her doing more, +if necessary, and Diana and I could, if we liked, lie on the sands +and watch the children. But it so happens that I love building +castles and making puddings, and, curiously enough, Diana does +too, and we were children once more with perhaps less hinge in our +backs than formerly, but still we enjoyed ourselves immensely. + +Betty, the first day, full of faith, tried to walk on the sea, and +was pulled out very wet and disappointed, and her faith a little +shaken, perhaps, for the moment. Hugh told her she didn't have +faith hard enough. "You must go like this," and he held his +breath, threatening to become purple in the face. + +"Could you now?" said Betty wistfully, when Hugh was at his +reddest. + +"No!" he said, "because I burst. Aunt Woggles looked at me when I +was just believing very hard." + +Betty forgot that trouble in her infinite delight at discovering +where Heaven really was. She knew if she could just row out to +the silver pathway across the sea, it would lead straight to +Heaven. "I know it would," she said. + +Hugh objected because Heaven was in the sky, that he knew! Betty +said how did he know? + +"Well, look," said Hugh; "you can see it's all bright and blue and +shining, and angels fly, and you can't fly on the sea, so that +shows." + +Betty wasn't sure of that because of flying-fish; she'd seen them +in a book where "F" was for flying-fish, so she knew. But Hugh +knew that angels weren't fish, because fish is good to eat and +angels aren't. I was glad the culinary knowledge of Hugh and +Betty didn't extend to "angels on horseback," or where should we +have been in the abysses of argument? + +We made expeditions which, as expeditions, were not a success. +Sara objected to leaving the object of her passing affections, a +starfish perhaps, and Hugh and Betty also always found treasures +of their very own, which they must just watch for just a little +time, in case they did something exciting. These things hinder! +But still we did sometimes reach another cove, and one day, in a +very secluded one, I caught sight of a pair of lovers. One can +tell the most discreet of them at a glance, and more than a glance +I should never have given this pair had not the girl, so much of +her as I could see under a brown mushroom hat, been very pretty. +Her dress too was green muslin, which was in itself compelling, +and the boy with her, I felt sure, had passed no examinations. +And yet they were deliriously happy, that I could tell. So the +father wasn't so cruel, after all, and I doubted whether I should +have been the comfort to Veronica that she had anticipated. In +fact, I could easily imagine how greatly in the way I should have +been. Poor professional friend! That I had at least been spared +from becoming. + +Veronica, no less than Betty, had discovered where Heaven really +was, and the boy had a clearer definition of angels than Hugh. +Hugh was right so far -- they were in no way related to, or bore +any resemblance to, fish. They were angels pure and simple, and +the most beautiful of them, the most enchanting of them, wore a +green muslin and a brown mushroom hat. + +If I had been that young man, I should have objected to the +dimensions of that hat, but he didn't, I suppose. Not having +passed his examinations may have made a difference. He would +later on, no doubt. It is a pity, perhaps, that men have to pass +examinations; it robs them of much of their simplicity. + + + + +Chapter XV + + +Zerlina discovered, to her immense surprise, that she was near +enough to bring all her party to play with ours, and it was +arranged that she should do so on the first fine day. + +It so happened that all the days were fine, so every day Diana and +I watched for the small cloud in the distance that should herald +their approach, and one day it appeared, no bigger than a man's +hand. When it came nearer it was considerably bigger, and it +finally assumed the dimensions of Zerlina, Hyacinth, the twins, +Teddy, and a small nursery-maid. Betty was immensely delighted +with the twins, her one ambition in life being to have twins of +her own. Failing that, and every birthday only brought fresh +disappointment in its wake, the care of somebody else's was the +next best thing. + +They really were delicious people, so round and so solemn. Hugh, +for the moment, was engrossed in Teddy; Teddy having, among other +things, a knife with "things in it," most of which he was +mercifully unable to open. It was the certainty of being able to +do so on the part of Hugh, which made him so deliriously busy. +Sara was out of it, having no one as yet to play with, and she was +proud and disdainful in consequence. I knew that Betty would +shortly have one twin to spare, perhaps two, but this Sara could +not guess, knowing nothing of twins. + +"Now, Sara," I said, "we will build a castle all for our very own +selves." + +"Our velly, velly own selves," said Sara, hugging her spade with +ecstasy. "A velly, velly big castle." + +"Very, very big," I replied. + +"A bemormous castle?" + +"An enormous castle," I said, starting to dig the foundations. + +"Dat's a velly, velly vitty hole," said Sara. + +"It's going to be a castle, darling." + +"For Yaya to live in?" + +"Perhaps." + +And Nannie and Aunt Woggles and Hugh and Betty and muvver?" + +Sara danced with joy at the prospect, and Sara dancing in bathing- +drawers was distracting. I dug industriously, however, and it was +very hot. Sara looked on, occasionally watering the castle and me +too. + +"Not too much water, darling," I said, "because it makes Aunt +Woggles so wet." + +Sara subsided for the moment. "Is it a velly big castle?" she +asked every now and then with evident anxiety. + +"It's going to be, darling," I said. + +"It's a velly, velly small castle now," she said sadly. + +I dug harder and harder, and it seemed to me that the castle was +becoming quite a respectable size, but Sara's interest had +flagged. + +"Aunt Woggles," she said. + +"Yes, darling," I answered. + +"Sall we dig a velly, velly deep hole, velly, velly deep, for all +ve cwabs, and all ve vitty fish, and Nannie and Aunt Woggles?" + +"A very big hole," I said; "but look at the lovely castle!" + +"Yaya doesn't yike 'ollid ole castles," she said. + +I began to dig a hole. One does these things, I find, for the +Saras of this world, and Sara was for the moment enchanted, but it +didn't last long. + +"Yaya's so sirsty," she said. "Yaya wants a 'ponge cake." + +"I think you would rather have some milk, darling," I said. + +"Yaya's so sirsty," she said in a very sad voice. "Yaya would +yike a 'ponge cake!" + +"Very well, darling; but don't you want to dig any more?" + +"No," she said. "Yaya doesn't yike digging." + +Now was that fair? -- digging, indeed, when it was the poor aunt +who had been digging all the time. When I told Diana of this she +shook her head and said, -- Betty, it frightens me. Do you think +Sara will grow up that sort of woman?" + +"What sort of woman?" + +"Like Polly in Charles Dudley Warner's 'My Summer in a Garden.' +You remember when the husband says, 'Polly, do you know who +planted that squash, or those squashes?'" + +"'James, I suppose.' + +"Well, yes, perhaps James did plant them, to a certain extent. +But who hoed them?' + +"We did.'" + +"Well, it seems to me," I said, "that she was rather a delightful +person." + +"In a book, absolutely delightful. I am only thinking of Sara's +husband, poor man! You see Polly's husband was an American, and +that makes all the difference. You remember I told you of a man I +met who in decorating his house wanted to have red walls as a +background to his beautiful pictures, and his wife wanted to have +green. I asked him what he did, and he said he made a compromise. +I said how clever of him, how did he do it? and he said, 'We had +green!' You see, Betty, what an American husband means!" + +"Well, to return to Sara's, you need not worry. I think he will, +in all probability, be in such raptures over the possession of +anything so delicious as Sara promises to be, that he will +overlook these little pluralities on her part." + +"Yes, Betty, of course; but does that sort of thing last?" + +"You ought to know, to a certain extent." + +"Ah! but then David is such a dear." + +"I think it is quite likely that Sara will find a dear too." + +"I hope so, oh! how I hope so!" said Diana. "I often wonder what +it must be to find you have given your daughter to some one who is +unkind to her. I can hardly imagine so great a sorrow! I dare +not even think of David the day Betty marries. He says he thinks +it must be worse for a father than a mother." + +"I wonder," I said. "I think a mother perhaps has a greater +belief in the goodness of men; a woman, a happy woman certainly, +has so little knowledge of men, other than her own." + +"Yes," said Diana, "a good father and a good husband give one a +very deep rooted faith and belief in the goodness of mankind +generally. How we are prosing, Betty!" + +Zerlina meanwhile sat on a rock, of the hardness of which she +complained. She found fault with our cove, the sun was too hot +and the wind was too strong. But then she had driven ten miles in +a wagonette under Teddy and the twins, so it was no wonder she +grumbled a little. + +"I can't think," she said plaintively, "why my hair doesn't look +nice when it blows about in the wind, and I hate myself sun burnt. +I can't bear seeing my nose wherever I look. You and Betty are +the stuff martyrs are made of. It would be comparatively easy to +walk to the stake if you had the right amount of hair hanging down +behind; without it, no amount of religious conviction would avail. +Oh dear, I used to have such lots, before I had measles! I hardly +knew what to do with it!" + +"That's rather what we find with Betty's," said Diana; "we plait +it up as tight as we can, don't we, darling?" she said, re-tying +the ribbon which secured Betty's very thick pigtail. + +"I had twice as much as Betty, at her age, I'm sure," said +Zerlina, forgetting a photograph which stands on Jim's dressing- +table, of a small fat girl with very little hair and that rather +scraggy. But what does it matter? These are the sort of +traditions women cling to. + +Someone suggested building a steamship in the sand, grown-ups, +children, and all, and Hugh was told to go and make a second-class +berth. He retired to a short distance, and no sound coming from +his direction, we looked round and saw him in ecstatic raptures, +rocking himself backward and forward. + +"What are you doing, Hugh? " we said. + +"Well," said Hugh, "I was told to make a second-class berth. I +suppose that means twins, and I 'm nursing them." + +Zerlina took it quite well, and was easily persuaded that there +was no insult intended to her twins in particular. + +A few minutes later Sara appeared, triumphant, having apparently +found a small child to play with. + +"Who is your little friend, Sara?" I asked. + +She shook her head. She didn't know, but he was delicious to play +with for all that, and she bore him off in triumph. + +He was not long unsought, for a young girl came anxiously towards +us and said, "Have you seen a little boy?" + +It reminded me a little of the story, the other way round, of a +lost boy who asked a man, "Please, sir, have you seen a man +without a little boy, because if you have, I'm the little boy." + +She looked as anxious and as distraught as that little boy must +have looked, I am sure. + +"I think," said Diana, "you will find him behind that rock. -- +Sara," called Diana, "bring the little boy here." + +A small portion of Sara's person appeared round the rock: -- +"We're velly busy," she said. + +So rapidly do women make friendships! + +"He's quite safe," said Diana; "your little brother, I suppose?" + +The girl blushed. "No, I'm his mother," she said. + +She looked so young and so pretty, and her hair must have moved +Zerlina to tears, it was so beautiful, and grew so prettily on her +forehead. But she looked too young to be searching for lost +babies all by herself. + +"How old is he?" asked Diana. + +"He's three," she said; then added, "his father never saw him; he +went to the war soon after we were married, and he was killed. +Baby is just like him," and she unfastened a miniature she wore on +a chain round her neck and handed it to Diana. + +I am sure Diana saw nothing but a blur, but she managed to say, +"You must be glad! Come and see my little girl, she is very much +the same age." + +"What an extraordinarily communicative person!" said Zerlina as +they walked off. "Just imagine telling strangers the whole of +your history like that. I wonder if her husband left her well +off." + +"Can't you see he did?" I said. + +"No; I don't think she is very well dressed, but you never can +tell with that picturesque style of dressing. It may or may not +be expensive; even that old embroidery only means probably that +she had a grandmother. It is a terrible thing for a girl of that +age to be left with a boy to bring up. I know, Betty, just what +you are thinking -- cold, heartless, mercenary Zerlina! But I'm +practical." + +When Diana came back, I could see in her face that she knew all +about the poor little widow. It is wonderful what a comfort it +seems to be even to strangers to confide in Diana. For one thing +I feel sure they know that she won't tell, and that makes all the +difference. It is a relief sometimes to tell some one, although +some things can be better borne when nobody knows. But I imagine +there was little bitterness in the sorrow of this girl widow. She +too had learned something from Diana, for she turned to me and +said, "Are you a relation of Captain Lisle?" + +"If his name is Archie," I said, "I am his sister." + +"I've met him," and she blushed. + +This, then, was the girl Archie longed to save from drowning, and +who inspired him with a desire to sing hymns on Sunday evenings. +Dear old Archie! I could imagine his tender, susceptible heart +going out to the little widow. But I said to myself, "It's no +good, Archie dear, not yet at all events, not while she looks as +she does over the sea," for I was sure it was far away in a grave +on the lonely veldt that her heart was buried. + +"He is so devoted to children, isn't he?" she said. "He was so +good to my baby. I find that men are so extraordinarily fond of +children. I am afraid they will spoil him." + +Whereupon the baby burst into a long dissertation on a present he +had lately received. It sounded something like this: -- + +"Mormousman give boy a yockerile an a epelan, anye yockerile yanan +yan all over de jurnmer yunder de hoha an eberelyyare." + +He then proceeded to turn bead over heels, or try to, and was +sharply rebuked by Sara, who rearranged his garments with stern +severity, and then was about to show him the right method, when +she in turn was stopped by Nannie. + +One of the twins arrived at this moment to say that Hugh had +called him bad names. Betty the peacemaker explained that Hugh +had called him a wicket keeper, and the twin had thought he bad +called him a wicked keeper. So that was all right. We suggested +that, in any case, the twin wasn't the best person to be wicket +keeper. But he went in twice running to make up, and Hugh gave +him several puddings as well. "Puddings," the nursery-maid +explained, were first balls, and didn't count. + +"Betty," I said, "you've got a hole in your stocking!" + +"I hope it 's not a Jacob's ladder," said Betty. + +"Hush, darling, hush," said Hugh; "you know we mustn't be +irreverent!" + +It was during an interval when we rested and drank milk and ate +cake, those of us who would or could, that we discovered that the +little widow was staying with a very old friend of my father's and +mother's. + +"And where does Lady Mary live?" asked Diana. + +"Just over there. Do come and see her; she will be so delighted +to see you and to show you the garden, which is quite famous." + + + + +Chapter XVI + + +The following day Diana got a delightful letter from Lady Mary +asking us to go to luncheon, or to tea, or to both, or whatever we +liked best, so long as it was at once, and that we stayed a long +time, and brought all the children. She offered to send for us, +but going in a donkey-cart was a stipulation on the part of the +children, otherwise they could not or would not tear themselves +away from the sand and all its fascinations. Sara was +particularly offended at having to get out to tea, and more so at +not being allowed to go in her bathing-drawers. But a mushroom hat +trimmed with daisies appeased her, and even at that early age she +saw the incongruity of that hat and those nether garments. They +were packed, Hugh, Betty, Sara, and the nursery-maid, into the +donkey-cart. Betty was supposed to drive, but Hugh and Sara had +so large a share in the stage direction of that donkey, that I +wonder we ever arrived. We did. Our approach was not dignified. +The donkey would eat the lawn at the critical moment, and neither +the stern rebukes of Sara, nor the gentle persuasion of Betty, had +any effect; neither, to tell the truth, had the chastisements of +Hugh. Of Diana's efforts and mine it is unnecessary to speak; +they only made us very hot. As to Nannie, she said she would +rather have ten children to deal with. + +There were horribly tidy and beautifully dressed people walking +about on the lawn, people who had never, I felt sure, been called +upon to speak unkindly to a donkey. It was a little tactless of +them, I thought, in view of our flushed cheeks, to appear so calm +and cool, but they were quite kind, and I noticed that Diana as +usual held a little court of her own, not entirely as the mother +of Sara, either. Hugh and Betty too made friends, and hearing +shouts of laughter coming from Hugh's audience, I went, aunt-like, +to see what was happening, and I heard Hugh saying: -- + +"I've got another! What did the skeleton --" + +"Hugh," I said, "I want you!" + +"I'm asking riddles, Aunt Woggles." + +"Yes, but have you seen the tortoise?" + +The situation was saved. + +I look back to the rest of that afternoon, and it is all blur and +confusion. I remember the loveliness of the gardens, the peeps of +distant moorland through arches of pink ramblers. I remember how +the sun shone and how beautiful everything was, and above all and +through all those confused memories I hear the quiet, gentle voice +of Lady Mary as she talked to me of things of which I had thought +no one knew anything. She asked me, I remember, if I would like +to see the garden, and I loved her for her graciousness, her +affection, and for her love for my mother. I could see even in +the way she looked at me that it was of my mother he was thinking, +and I remember, in answer to her question whether I liked the +garden, saying I thought it was quite beautiful and so peaceful! + +She said, "That is what I feel, the peace of it all. But you, +dear Betty, are too young to feel that. It is as we grow older +that the promise of peace holds out so much. But to the young, +life is before them!" + +All that, I remember quite clearly, and a little more. I can +still see Lady Mary, so beautiful, so calm, so confident in the +peace which the future held for her. Then all of a sudden came +these words, "Betty, I liked your hero so much; what happened?" + +It was a too sudden opening of prison doors. I was blinded by the +light. I could say nothing. My secret, I felt, was wrested from +me. I had ceased almost to try to hide it, it seemed so safe. +What -- could I say? + +Lady Mary went on: "It is not from curiosity that I ask, but from +a very real and deep interest. Your dear mother used so often to +talk of your future. Her love for you was very wonderful, Betty." + +I looked away to the purple hills and longed to escape, but she +laid her hand on mine with a gentle pressure. "I liked him so +much. His gentle chivalry appealed to me; it is a thing one does +not meet every day. Some one, I remember, described him as being +as hard as nails and full of sentiment, which was a charming +description of a delightful character and a rare combination. All +women, I think, would have their heroes strong, and the sentiment +makes all the difference in life. If it is money, Betty dear, as +I imagine it is, that must come right. It was money?" + +"His father got into difficulties, no fault of his own, that - and +friends made mischief." + +"And he is helping his father," continued Lady Mary. "And while +he is doing that, he thinks he has no right to bind a woman." + +How could I say when I didn't know? "Men make that mistake; they +forget how much easier it is for a woman to wait bound than to be +free, not knowing. They don't distinguish between the woman who +wants to get married and the woman who loves. Remember, Betty, +how hard it must be for him. I am not sure that his is not the +harder part." + +"If he cares," I said. + +"I am sure he cares," said Lady Mary softly. "There are secrets +that are not mine, Betty, but there is one that is -- the money +shall come right. I had been looking out for a hero for some time +when I met yours. This is strictly between ourselves, and you +must remember that all my young people are so ludicrously well +off, that an old woman doing as she likes with her own will do no +one any harm. If I had had children, that, of course, would have +made a difference. To me, who have lived the quiet life I have +lately lived, the soldier, the man of action, appeals very +strongly. Much as I love this place, it seems to me that I should +love it still more if it came as quiet after a storm, a haven of +rest after the battle of life." + +Then she spoke of Diana. "Hers is a wonderful character, and I +often think how beautiful it is that she should follow your dear +mother at Hames." + +"You feel that?" I said. + +"Very, very strongly, dear. How happy it must have made her to +feel that her grandchildren should have such a mother. I may be +wrong, and you will smile at an old woman's prejudice and think +that she is looking back with prejudiced eyes into that wonderful +past which is always so much better than any present. I am not, +but still it seems to me that Diana has something that all young +people have not got nowadays, a reverence for the old, an +admiration for the good, and a pity for the poor and distressed. +These things take you far through life, dear, and, combined with +her wonderful vitality and beauty, make her a power. + +"Talking of your beautiful mother, it was said years ago that she +was the only woman of whom I had ever been jealous. I am old +enough to tell you these things. It is the privilege of the old +to enlist the sympathies of the young! But it was not true. I +had every reason to be jealous, as had most women I ever saw, but +jealousy in connection with anything so perfect as your mother, I +think, was not possible. Her beauty was of the kind which disarms +jealousy. It was beyond comparison or criticism. It seemed to +belong to another world, and yet she was so tender to the sinners, +so understanding, so full of loving kindness. Hers was a beauty +of the soul as well as the body, and that beauty is as remote from +the everyday prettiness as the earth is from the stars. Her +expression had something of the divine in it, as if she had seen +God face to face. I see the same look coming in Diana's face. +Old Sir George used to say it would be worth committing a sin to +be forgiven by your mother. He said her look was a benediction." + +As I said good-by to Lady Mary, she held my hand and said, "Betty +dear, you will some day forgive an interfering old woman, and in +days to come, when you look to these distant hills, you will +remember this day with a kind thought for your beautiful mother's +old friend." + +"Isn't Lady Mary a darling?" said Diana, as we walked home through +the scented lanes on that most wonderful of summer evenings. "You +look as if you had been seeing visions, Betty, quite dazed like, +as Nannie used to say." + +"I often see visions," I said. + +"Have you been crying, Aunt Woggles?" said Hugh. "Were all the +peaches gone when you got back?" + +Betty slipped her little hand into mine. "You promised to let me +walk with you for a little. Shall we pick honeysuckle, supposing +we see any?" + +"Yes, we will, darling." + +"Supposing you can't reach it," she said. + +"There is always some within reach." + +"I suppose grown-ups can always reach things," said Betty. + +Later, in the quiet darkness of the night, I could picture the +garden, the roses, the distant moor, Lady Mary's beautiful face, +but I could not bring myself to believe that I had really heard +those words, "I am sure that he cares." + +Surely I had dreamed them, or Lady Mary had, because if they were +true, why had he said nothing? How should he have told her what +he could not tell me? + + + + +Chapter XVII + + +Then came that wonderful morning on which I read that Captain Paul +Buchanan was coming home, was expected to arrive that very day. I +opened the paper at breakfast, as usual and my eyes caught the +word that at any time had the power to set my heart thumping and +to send the blood rushing to my head, a word common enough, and +which to most people, beyond relating to a country always +interesting, means little -- Africa. It is curious that a day +that is to change the whole of one's life should begin exactly +like any other day. Of the most important things we have no +premonition, most of us. + +That what I longed and prayed for every hour of my life should +come to pass was not wonderful, but that a day on which I was to +be called to make the greatest sacrifice of my life should steal +stealthily upon me seems strange. + +That morning when I came downstairs, my little house in Chelsea +looked exactly like it always had done. The sun shone as the sun +does shine in the early winter in London, and no more, until after +I had read that paragraph; then, behold a new world was born. Why +had my eyes been blind to the gloriousness of the morning? Why +had I thought the day an ordinarily dull one with just the amount +of pale sunshine which is meted out to those happy people who are +wise enough to live within easy reach of the river? Yes, I know, +some people do say that Chelsea is foggy. + +It depends so much on their lives. No place could be foggy to me +that day. My fear was that Nannie should read the news in my +face. +I looked away when she said, "Anything in the paper?" as she had +said a hundred times before. She always came to see me eat my +breakfast, so she said, but I knew it was really to hear the news. +I handed her the paper, although I hated to let the words out of +my sight, and she glanced at it. She paused and walked to the +window. Kind Nannie, she was giving me time. She blew her nose, +she was crying, she knew. A double knock at the door brought my +heart to a standstill. Lady Mary was right, he did care. It +seemed hours before the telegram was brought to me. I hardly +dared to open it. There is some happiness too great to bear. I +opened it and read: -- + + +Sara very ill. Come at once. + + DIANA + +"Nannie," I said, "I am going to Hames." + +"To-day?" she said. She knew it was my day of days. + +"I must, Nannie. Will you come?" + +"No; I'll stay here. Poor Mrs. David, whatever will she do?" + +I could hardly imagine, and I am glad to remember that my sorrow +seemed a small thing compared to hers. + +It would be impossible for me to describe that journey. The train +crept along. It seemed to stop hours at the station. No one +seemed to remember that Sara was ill. I felt the grip of a cold +hand on my heart. Should I ever arrive? I did at last, and found +a groom waiting for me at the station, with a dogcart. His +mouth twitched, and he could hardly control his voice to tell me +that there was no fresh news. The carriages were wanted for the +doctors; did I mind the dogcart? Mind? I could have urged the +horse to a gallop, and yet I dreaded to arrive. + +It was strange to pass through the quiet, deserted hall, up the +stairs, and to hear no sound. A nurse opened a door and spoke in +a whisper. I went into the room, and not until I saw Diana, so +lovely in her grief, did I realize the agony of her suffering. +She put out her hand and silently pressed mine. I turned away so +that she should not see my face. + +A man, a stranger to me, sat by the bedside, his eyes fixed on the +child lying there. He was the great London doctor, in whom I +could see all hope was centered. There were other doctors and +nurses, I believe, but it all seemed confusion to me now; but +poor, broken hearted Nannie I remember. She stood at a distance. +Not a sound was uttered, and I took up my watch with the others, +to watch that precious life ebbing away. The soft flitting +backward and forward of nurses, a word now and then from the great +man who held not only the life of Sara in his hands, but, it +seemed to me, the life of my beautiful Diana, only broke the +intense silence. The night came on and we still watched. + +The doctor's face became sterner and graver and the little life +weaker, or so it seemed to me. Diana knelt at the side of the +bed. She never moved. + +As the dawn broke, Sara opened her eyes and said, "Nannie." + +Diana rose and beckoned to Nannie. Nannie hesitated, and Diana, +taking her hand, whispered, "Dear Nannie, I am so glad," and gave +up her place. It is not given to all of us to reach great +heights, but Diana at that moment, I think, reached the divine in +human nature. Then came the moment, too wonderful to think of, +when the doctor told Diana that the great danger was over. + +Later he said to David, "My boy, you have given your children the +greatest of all blessings in their mother. Thank God for her +every moment of your life. I've seen many mothers and many sick +children, but -- thank God, and don't forget it." + +Dear David, I think most of us thank God oftener than we know and +in many and divers ways, and I am not sure that David does not do +it every time he looks at Diana. + + + + +Chapter XVIII + + +Sara, having got over the crisis and being on the fair road to +recovery, --children recover quickly, -- my heart turned towards +home -- and a longing to get back obsessed me. I could think of +nothing but home, now that Diana's immediate need of me was over. +She begged me to stay with her. To fail her at such a moment was +a great grief to me, but I could make no further sacrifice. I +must go home. + +"I must go, David," I urged. + +"Of course, if you must, you must, Betty, but I should have +thought after all Diana has gone through, you would have stayed +with her. You have always been so much to each other." + +How he hurt me, as if I wouldn't do anything in the world for +Diana; but I must go home. + +"David," I said in desperation, "I must go. If I promise to come +back directly, you won't misunderstand my going?" + +"I'll try to understand, Betty, that you have some very strong +reason for going back." + +"Thank you, David," I said. + +"But," he continued, "you must tell Diana yourself." + +I went to her room, where she was lying down. "Diana, darling," I +said, "I want very much to go home, if only for a day." + +"Of course, Betty, you must go. But don't look so distressed. I +must have been selfish if I gave you the impression that I would +not let you go. It is only that I love so having you, you are +such a rock, and oh! it seems like some awful and terrible dream +we have been through, doesn't it? Sara asked for her darling +bunny today. Think what that means! Darling Betty, I pray that +some great happiness may come to you some day. I begin to believe +that the greatest joys come through the greatest sorrows." + +"Don't, Diana," I whispered. "I can't bear you to be too kind. I +suppose it's all we've been through, but I feel." + +"I know, Betty," she whispered. "I lie here too tired to do +anything but thank God. I ache with thankfulness, for you among +other blessings. Come back soon." + +"What did Diana say?" asked David, who was waiting outside the +door. "Did she understand?" + +"Understand? Did you ever know a time when Diana didn't +understand?" + +I went. Oh, the joy of setting out towards home! That +ridiculously small house in Chelsea in which were centered all my +hopes. Some word might be there waiting for me. Nannie might +have thought nothing of sufficient importance to forward at such a +moment. How I hoped that was it, and that it might be there, else +all my hopes were shattered. + +I opened the door with my latchkey. I looked. No telegram lay on +the table; that I saw at a glance. Then Nannie appeared. She was +crying. + +"Nannie," I said, "don't cry, she is much better, and is going to +get quite well; only I had to come home." + +How explain to Nannie that I had left Sara and Diana at such a +moment! + +"Your bat's crooked," said Nannie. + +"You ridiculous old person," I said, "what does that matter?" +Nannie sniffed. I put my hat straight. "Is that better?" + +"Yes, it's better, it'll do," she answered, not quite satisfied, +evidently. I wondered why she asked no questions. Why had I come +home to this? No wonder David had been surprised at my leaving +Diana! What was the use? + +Then Nannie said with a startling suddenness, "Some one is waiting +for you upstairs." + +"Someone for me, Nannie. What do you mean?" + +"He's waiting," she said, between laughter and sobs. "He's +waiting." + +I often wonder how I had the strength to go upstairs and open the +door. But I did, and there surely enough he stood, only a few +feet of green-painted boards separating us. How I crossed them I +never knew. He came halfway, no doubt. + +I should never have done the journey alone, and I wondered too how +it was we met as lovers! That was the most wonderful part of all. +How, when I did not even know that he cared, could it have +happened? It was all too wonderful, and I was too dazed with +happiness to question anything at the moment. I only knew that +the world had become a paradise, and that the past years of doubt +and perplexity had fallen away like a disused garment. + +Then we began to talk, and the mystery deepened. He spoke of a +telegram. I had never received one! And my telegram? I had +never sent one! He laughed, and when I said I didn't understand, +he said what was the use of understanding when knowing was +sufficient? + +It was all very puzzling, but I was content. There was so much to +talk of, so many explanations to make and to hear! But in time we +came back to the telegram. There had been no such thing! + +He laughed. "I have it here," he said, putting his hand on his +coat-pocket. + +"Show it to me," I pleaded. + +Never; it was his, and his alone. + +"But nothing is yours now that is not mine," I urged, "at least, +if you have asked me to marry you." + +"Betty," he said, "I quite forgot. I came home for the express +purpose of doing so. I have thought and dreamed of nothing else, +all through the long marches in Africa; all the way home I have +thought of that and of your answer. Betty, will you marry me?" + +"I shall be delighted, Captain Buchanan. But where is my telegram +to you, your telegram to me?" + +It I think Nannie must have one." + +"And did she answer it? Oh, what did she say?" + +"Never mind; she said exactly the right thing. Don't let's +discuss Nannie's telegram when we have to make up for the silence +of years! 0 Betty! shall I wake up?" + +A little later he said, "Tell me, did you care that night at the +Frasers'?" + +"I said I never remembered a time when I didn't care. + +"0 Betty! if only you hadn't been so proud!" + +"Or you so horribly ununderstandable!" + + + + +Chapter XIX + + +You wonderful Nannie," I said later, as I sat at her feet, "how +did you do it?" + +"Quite easily," said Nannie. "When I saw that you must go to +Hames, as of course you had to, I thought to myself, I'll wait! +Years ago my lady said to me, I Nannie, don't let my child throw +away her own chance of happiness. I feel that a day may come when +she will be called upon to make a sacrifice, and she will make it, +regardless of her own feelings. You were always giving up your +toys and things to the boys; that's what made your mother think of +it. The day she spoke of came the morning the telegram came from +Hames. I had been waiting and waiting so as to be sure to do what +your mother told me, and the day came. You see, I saw the paper, +and I knew!" + +"How, Nannie? No one knew, I thought." + +"Ah, nannies know things; much use they'd be in this world if they +didn't? I know lots of things I'm not supposed to! Well, I +waited, and no telegram came from him that day. There were all +sorts of things about him in the evening paper, being a hero and a +lion and all those sort of things. Then the next day the telegram +came. The ship had been late; you never can tell with ships. +Leave ships to sailors, I say. Well, I opened the telegram. It +said, 'Will you see me if I come straight to you ?' or some such +words, and I answered it." + +"What did you say, Nannie?" + +"I don't see that that matters. There's nothing in words, and I'm +no scholar." + +"Nannie dear, it does matter. It meant everything in the world to +me. If only you knew how happy I am, how ridiculously happy." + +"It's all right, then. I've done what she said." A rapturous +smile illuminated her old face. + +"All right, Nannie?" + +Only a hug can express some things. Nannie straightened her cap. +"Well, then," she said, drawing herself up, "I couldn't do it for +sixpence, it cost ninepence halfpenny. I said, 'Come. Been +waiting for you for years.'" + +"Nannie!" I exclaimed. + + +THE END + + + + + + + + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, THE PROFESSIONAL AUNT *** + +This file should be named paunt10.txt or paunt10.zip +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, paunt11.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, paunt10a.txt + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. 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