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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of What Every Woman Knows, by James M. Barrie
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: What Every Woman Knows
+
+Author: James M. Barrie
+
+
+Release Date: May, 2004  [EBook #5654]
+This file was first posted on August 5, 2002
+Last Updated: October 14, 2016
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHAT EVERY WOMAN KNOWS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Moynihan, Charles Franks and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+WHAT EVERY WOMAN KNOWS
+
+By James M. Barrie
+
+
+
+
+ACT I
+
+James Wylie is about to make a move on the dambrod, and in the little
+Scotch room there is an awful silence befitting the occasion. James with
+his hand poised--for if he touches a piece he has to play it, Alick
+will see to that--raises his red head suddenly to read Alick’s face. His
+father, who is Alick, is pretending to be in a panic lest James should
+make this move. James grins heartlessly, and his fingers are about to
+close on the ‘man’ when some instinct of self-preservation makes him
+peep once more. This time Alick is caught: the unholy ecstasy on
+his face tells as plain as porridge that he has been luring James to
+destruction. James glares; and, too late, his opponent is a simple old
+father again. James mops his head, sprawls in the manner most conducive
+to thought in the Wylie family, and, protruding his underlip, settles
+down to a reconsideration of the board. Alick blows out his cheeks, and
+a drop of water settles on the point of his nose.
+
+You will find them thus any Saturday night (after family worship, which
+sends the servant to bed); and sometimes the pauses are so long that in
+the end they forget whose move it is.
+
+It is not the room you would be shown into if you were calling socially
+on Miss Wylie. The drawing-room for you, and Miss Wylie in a coloured
+merino to receive you; very likely she would exclaim, “This is a
+pleasant surprise!” though she has seen you coming up the avenue and has
+just had time to whip the dustcloths off the chairs, and to warn Alick,
+David and James, that they had better not dare come in to see you before
+they have put on a dickey. Nor is this the room in which you would dine
+in solemn grandeur if invited to drop in and take pot-luck, which is how
+the Wylies invite, it being a family weakness to pretend that they sit
+down in the dining-room daily. It is the real living-room of the house,
+where Alick, who will never get used to fashionable ways, can take off
+his collar and sit happily in his stocking soles, and James at times
+would do so also; but catch Maggie letting him.
+
+There is one very fine chair, but, heavens, not for sitting on; just to
+give the room a social standing in an emergency. It sneers at the other
+chairs with an air of insolent superiority, like a haughty bride who
+has married into the house for money. Otherwise the furniture is homely;
+most of it has come from that smaller house where the Wylies began.
+There is the large and shiny chair which can be turned into a bed if you
+look the other way for a moment. James cannot sit on this chair without
+gradually sliding down it till he is lying luxuriously on the small of
+his back, his legs indicating, like the hands of a clock, that it is ten
+past twelve; a position in which Maggie shudders to see him receiving
+company.
+
+The other chairs are horse-hair, than which nothing is more comfortable
+if there be a good slit down the seat. The seats are heavily dented,
+because all the Wylie family sit down with a dump. The draught-board
+is on the edge of a large centre table, which also displays four books
+placed at equal distances from each other, one of them a Bible, and
+another the family album. If these were the only books they would not
+justify Maggie in calling this chamber the library, her dogged name for
+it; while David and James call it the west-room and Alick calls it ‘the
+room,’ which is to him the natural name for any apartment without a bed
+in it. There is a bookcase of pitch pine, which contains six hundred
+books, with glass doors to prevent your getting at them.
+
+No one does try to get at the books, for the Wylies are not a reading
+family. They like you to gasp when you see so much literature gathered
+together in one prison-house, but they gasp themselves at the thought
+that there are persons, chiefly clergymen, who, having finished one
+book, coolly begin another. Nevertheless it was not all vainglory
+that made David buy this library: it was rather a mighty respect for
+education, as something that he has missed. This same feeling makes him
+take in the Contemporary Review and stand up to it like a man. Alick,
+who also has a respect for education, tries to read the Contemporary,
+but becomes dispirited, and may be heard muttering over its pages, ‘No,
+no use, no use, no,’ and sometimes even ‘Oh hell.’ James has no respect
+for education; and Maggie is at present of an open mind.
+
+They are Wylie and Sons of the local granite quarry, in which Alick was
+throughout his working days a mason. It is David who has raised them to
+this position; he climbed up himself step by step (and hewed the steps),
+and drew the others up after him. ‘Wylie Brothers,’ Alick would have had
+the firm called, but David said No, and James said No, and Maggie said
+No; first honour must be to their father; and Alick now likes it on the
+whole, though he often sighs at having to shave every day; and on some
+snell mornings he still creeps from his couch at four and even at two
+(thinking that his mallet and chisel are calling him), and begins to
+pull on his trousers, until the grandeur of them reminds him that he can
+go to bed again. Sometimes he cries a little, because there is no more
+work for him to do for ever and ever; and then Maggie gives him a spade
+(without telling David) or David gives him the logs to saw (without
+telling Maggie).
+
+We have given James a longer time to make his move than our kind
+friends in front will give him, but in the meantime something has been
+happening. David has come in, wearing a black coat and his Sabbath
+boots, for he has been to a public meeting. David is nigh forty years of
+age, whiskered like his father and brother (Alick’s whiskers being worn
+as a sort of cravat round the neck), and he has the too brisk manner of
+one who must arrive anywhere a little before any one else. The painter
+who did the three of them for fifteen pounds (you may observe the
+canvases on the walls) has caught this characteristic, perhaps
+accidentally, for David is almost stepping out of his frame, as if to
+hurry off somewhere; while Alick and James look as if they were pinned
+to the wall for life. All the six of them, men and pictures, however,
+have a family resemblance, like granite blocks from their own quarry.
+They are as Scotch as peat for instance, and they might exchange eyes
+without any neighbour noticing the difference, inquisitive little blue
+eyes that seem to be always totting up the price of things.
+
+The dambrod players pay no attention to David, nor does he regard them.
+Dumping down on the sofa he removes his ‘lastic sides, as his Sabbath
+boots are called, by pushing one foot against the other, gets into a
+pair of hand-sewn slippers, deposits the boots as according to rule in
+the ottoman, and crosses to the fire. There must be something on David’s
+mind to-night, for he pays no attention to the game, neither gives
+advice (than which nothing is more maddening) nor exchanges a wink with
+Alick over the parlous condition of James’s crown. You can hear the
+wag-at-the-wall clock in the lobby ticking. Then David lets himself go;
+it runs out of him like a hymn:--
+
+
+DAVID. Oh, let the solid ground Not fail beneath my feet, Before my life
+has found What some have found so sweet.
+
+[This is not a soliloquy, but is offered as a definite statement. The
+players emerge from their game with difficulty.]
+
+ALICK [with JAMES’s crown in his hand]. What’s that you’re saying,
+David?
+
+DAVID [like a public speaker explaining the situation in a few
+well-chosen words]. The thing I’m speaking about is Love.
+
+JAMES [keeping control of himself]. Do you stand there and say you’re in
+love, David Wylie?
+
+DAVID. Me; what would I do with the thing?
+
+JAMES [who is by no means without pluck]. I see no necessity for calling
+it a thing.
+
+[They are two bachelors who all their lives have been afraid of nothing
+but Woman. DAVID in his sportive days--which continue--has done roguish
+things with his arm when conducting a lady home under an umbrella from
+a soiree, and has both chuckled and been scared on thinking of it
+afterwards. JAMES, a commoner fellow altogether, has discussed the sex
+over a glass, but is too canny to be in the company of less than two
+young women at a time.]
+
+DAVID [derisively]. Oho, has she got you, James?
+
+JAMES [feeling the sting of it]. Nobody has got me.
+
+DAVID. They’ll catch you yet, lad.
+
+JAMES. They’ll never catch me. You’ve been nearer catched yourself.
+
+ALICK. Yes, Kitty Menzies, David.
+
+DAVID [feeling himself under the umbrella]. It was a kind of a shave
+that.
+
+ALICK [who knows all that is to be known about women and can speak of
+them without a tremor]. It’s a curious thing, but a man cannot help
+winking when he hears that one of his friends has been catched.
+
+DAVID. That’s so.
+
+JAMES [clinging to his manhood]. And fear of that wink is what has kept
+the two of us single men. And yet what’s the glory of being single?
+
+DAVID. There’s no particular glory in it, but it’s safe.
+
+JAMES [putting away his aspirations]. Yes, it’s lonely, but it’s safe.
+But who did you mean the poetry for, then?
+
+DAVID. For Maggie, of course.
+
+[You don’t know DAVID and JAMES till you know how they love their sister
+MAGGIE.]
+
+ALICK. I thought that.
+
+DAVID [coming to the second point of his statement about Love]. I saw
+her reading poetry and saying those words over to herself.
+
+JAMES. She has such a poetical mind.
+
+DAVID. Love. There’s no doubt as that’s what Maggie has set her heart
+on. And not merely love, but one of those grand noble loves; for though
+Maggie is undersized she has a passion for romance.
+
+JAMES [wandering miserably about the room]. It’s terrible not to be able
+to give Maggie what her heart is set on.
+
+[The others never pay much attention to JAMES, though he is quite a
+smart figure in less important houses.]
+
+ALICK [violently]. Those idiots of men.
+
+DAVID. Father, did you tell her who had got the minister of Galashiels?
+
+ALICK [wagging his head sadly]. I had to tell her. And then I--I--bought
+her a sealskin muff, and I just slipped it into her hands and came away.
+
+JAMES [illustrating the sense of justice in the Wylie family]. Of
+course, to be fair to the man, he never pretended he wanted her.
+
+DAVID. None of them wants her; that’s what depresses her. I was
+thinking, father, I would buy her that gold watch and chain in Snibby’s
+window. She hankers after it.
+
+JAMES [slapping his pocket]. You’re too late, David; I’ve got them for
+her.
+
+DAVID. It’s ill done of the minister. Many a pound of steak has that man
+had in this house.
+
+ALICK. You mind the slippers she worked for him?
+
+JAMES. I mind them fine; she began them for William Cathro. She’s
+getting on in years, too, though she looks so young.
+
+ALICK. I never can make up my mind, David, whether her curls make her
+look younger or older.
+
+DAVID [determinedly]. Younger. Whist! I hear her winding the clock.
+Mind, not a word about the minister to her, James. Don’t even mention
+religion this day.
+
+JAMES. Would it be like me to do such a thing?
+
+DAVID. It would be very like you. And there’s that other matter: say not
+a syllable about our having a reason for sitting up late to-night. When
+she says it’s bed-time, just all pretend we’re not sleepy.
+
+ALICK. Exactly, and when--
+
+[Here MAGGIE enters, and all three are suddenly engrossed in the
+dambrod. We could describe MAGGIE at great length. But what is the use?
+What you really want to know is whether she was good-looking. No, she
+was not. Enter MAGGIE, who is not good-looking. When this is said, all
+is said. Enter MAGGIE, as it were, with her throat cut from ear to ear.
+She has a soft Scotch voice and a more resolute manner than is perhaps
+fitting to her plainness; and she stops short at sight of JAMES
+sprawling unconsciously in the company chair.]
+
+MAGGIE. James, I wouldn’t sit on the fine chair.
+
+JAMES. I forgot again.
+
+[But he wishes she had spoken more sharply. Even profanation of the
+fine chair has not roused her. She takes up her knitting, and they all
+suspect that she knows what they have been talking about.]
+
+MAGGIE. You’re late, David, it’s nearly bed-time.
+
+DAVID [finding the subject a safe one]. I was kept late at the public
+meeting.
+
+ALICK [glad to get so far away from Galashiels]. Was it a good meeting?
+
+DAVID. Fairish. [with some heat] That young John Shand WOULD make a
+speech.
+
+MAGGIE. John Shand? Is that the student Shand?
+
+DAVID. The same. It’s true he’s a student at Glasgow University in the
+winter months, but in summer he’s just the railway porter here; and I
+think it’s very presumptuous of a young lad like that to make a speech
+when he hasn’t a penny to bless himself with.
+
+ALICK. The Shands were always an impudent family, and jealous. I suppose
+that’s the reason they haven’t been on speaking terms with us this six
+years. Was it a good speech?
+
+DAVID [illustrating the family’s generosity]. It was very fine; but he
+needn’t have made fun of ME.
+
+MAGGIE [losing a stitch]. He dared?
+
+DAVID [depressed]. You see I can not get started on a speech without
+saying things like ‘In rising FOR to make a few remarks.’
+
+JAMES. What’s wrong with it?
+
+DAVID. He mimicked me, and said, ‘Will our worthy chairman come for to
+go for to answer my questions?’ and so on; and they roared.
+
+JAMES [slapping his money pocket]. The sacket.
+
+DAVID. I did feel bitterly, father, the want of education. [Without
+knowing it, he has a beautiful way of pronouncing this noble word.]
+
+MAGGIE [holding out a kind hand to him]. David.
+
+ALICK. I’ve missed it sore, David. Even now I feel the want of it in the
+very marrow of me. I’m ashamed to think I never gave you your chance.
+But when you were young I was so desperate poor, how could I do it,
+Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. It wasn’t possible, father.
+
+ALICK [gazing at the book-shelves]. To be able to understand these
+books! To up with them one at a time and scrape them as clean as though
+they were a bowl of brose. Lads, it’s not to riches, it’s to scholarship
+that I make my humble bow.
+
+JAMES [who is good at bathos]. There’s ten yards of them. And they were
+selected by the minister of Galashiels. He said--
+
+DAVID [quickly]. James.
+
+JAMES. I mean--I mean--
+
+MAGGIE [calmly]. I suppose you mean what you say, James. I hear, David,
+that the minister of Galashiels is to be married on that Miss Turnbull.
+
+DAVID [on guard]. So they were saying.
+
+ALICK. All I can say is she has made a poor bargain.
+
+MAGGIE [the damned]. I wonder at you, father. He’s a very nice
+gentleman. I’m sure I hope he has chosen wisely.
+
+JAMES. Not him.
+
+MAGGIE [getting near her tragedy]. How can you say that when you don’t
+know her? I expect she is full of charm.
+
+ALICK. Charm? It’s the very word he used.
+
+DAVID. Havering idiot.
+
+ALICK. What IS charm, exactly, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. Oh, it’s--it’s a sort of bloom on a woman. If you have it, you
+don’t need to have anything else; and if you don’t have it, it doesn’t
+much matter what else you have. Some women, the few, have charm for all;
+and most have charm for one. But some have charm for none.
+
+[Somehow she has stopped knitting. Her men-folk are very depressed.
+JAMES brings his fist down on the table with a crash.]
+
+JAMES [shouting]. I have a sister that has charm.
+
+MAGGIE. No, James, you haven’t.
+
+JAMES [rushing at her with the watch and chain]. Ha’e, Maggie.
+
+[She lets them lie in her lap.]
+
+DAVID. Maggie, would you like a silk?
+
+MAGGIE. What could I do with a silk? [With a gust of passion] You might
+as well dress up a little brown hen.
+
+[They wriggle miserably.]
+
+JAMES [stamping]. Bring him here to me.
+
+MAGGIE. Bring whom, James?
+
+JAMES. David, I would be obliged if you wouldn’t kick me beneath the
+table.
+
+MAGGIE [rising]. Let’s be practical; let’s go to our beds.
+
+[This reminds them that they have a job on hand in which she is not to
+share.]
+
+DAVID [slily]. I don’t feel very sleepy yet.
+
+ALICK. Nor me either.
+
+JAMES. You’ve just taken the very words out of my mouth.
+
+DAVID [with unusual politeness]. Good-night to you Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE [fixing the three of them]. ALL of you unsleepy, when, as is well
+known, ten o’clock is your regular bed-time?
+
+JAMES. Yes, it’s common knowledge that we go to our beds at ten.
+[Chuckling] That’s what we’re counting on.
+
+MAGGIE. Counting on?
+
+DAVID. You stupid whelp.
+
+JAMES. What have I done?
+
+MAGGIE [folding her arms]. There’s something up. You’ve got to tell me,
+David.
+
+DAVID [who knows when he is beaten]. Go out and watch, James.
+
+MAGGIE. Watch?
+
+[JAMES takes himself off, armed, as MAGGIE notices, with a stick.]
+
+DAVID [in his alert business way]. Maggie, there are burglars about.
+
+MAGGIE. Burglars? [She sits rigid, but she is not the kind to scream.]
+
+DAVID. We hadn’t meant for to tell you till we nabbed them; but they’ve
+been in this room twice of late. We sat up last night waiting for them,
+and we’re to sit up again to-night.
+
+MAGGIE. The silver plate.
+
+DAVID. It’s all safe as yet. That makes us think that they were either
+frightened away these other times, or that they are coming back for to
+make a clean sweep.
+
+MAGGIE. How did you get to know about this?
+
+DAVID. It was on Tuesday that the polissman called at the quarry with a
+very queer story. He had seen a man climbing out at this window at ten
+past two.
+
+MAGGIE. Did he chase him?
+
+DAVID. It was so dark he lost sight of him at once.
+
+ALICK. Tell her about the window.
+
+DAVID. We’ve found out that the catch of the window has been pushed back
+by slipping the blade of a knife between the woodwork.
+
+MAGGIE. David.
+
+ALICK. The polissman said he was carrying a little carpet bag.
+
+MAGGIE. The silver plate IS gone.
+
+DAVID. No, no. We were thinking that very likely he has bunches of keys
+in the bag.
+
+MAGGIE. Or weapons.
+
+DAVID. As for that, we have some pretty stout weapons ourselves in the
+umbrella stand. So, if you’ll go to your bed, Maggie--
+
+MAGGIE. Me? and my brothers in danger.
+
+ALICK. There’s just one of them.
+
+MAGGIE. The polissman just saw one.
+
+DAVID [licking his palms]. I would be very pleased if there were three
+of them.
+
+MAGGIE. I watch with you. I would be very pleased if there were four of
+them.
+
+DAVID. And they say she has no charm!
+
+[JAMES returns on tiptoe as if the burglars were beneath the table. He
+signs to every one to breathe no more, and then whispers his news.]
+
+JAMES. He’s there. I had no sooner gone out than I saw him sliding down
+the garden wall, close to the rhubarbs.
+
+ALICK. What’s he like?
+
+JAMES. He’s an ugly customer. That’s all I could see. There was a little
+carpet bag in his hand.
+
+DAVID. That’s him.
+
+JAMES. He slunk into the rhodydendrons, and he’s there now, watching the
+window.
+
+DAVID. We have him. Out with the light.
+
+[The room is beautified by a chandelier fitted for three gas jets,
+but with the advance of progress one of these has been removed and the
+incandescent light put in its place. This alone is lit. ALICK climbs a
+chair, pulls a little chain, and the room is now but vaguely lit by the
+fire. It plays fitfully on four sparkling faces.]
+
+MAGGIE. Do you think he saw you, James?
+
+JAMES. I couldn’t say, but in any case I was too clever for him. I
+looked up at the stars, and yawned loud at them as if I was tremendous
+sleepy.
+
+[There is a long pause during which they are lurking in the shadows. At
+last they hear some movement, and they steal like ghosts from the room.
+We see DAVID turning out the lobby light; then the door closes and an
+empty room awaits the intruder with a shudder of expectancy. The window
+opens and shuts as softly as if this were a mother peering in to see
+whether her baby is asleep. Then the head of a man shows between the
+curtains. The remainder of him follows. He is carrying a little carpet
+bag. He stands irresolute; what puzzles him evidently is that the Wylies
+should have retired to rest without lifting that piece of coal off
+the fire. He opens the door and peeps into the lobby, listening to the
+wag-at-the-wall clock. All seems serene, and he turns on the light. We
+see him clearly now. He is JOHN SHAND, age twenty-one, boots muddy,
+as an indignant carpet can testify. He wears a shabby topcoat and a
+cockerty bonnet; otherwise he is in the well-worn corduroys of a railway
+porter. His movements, at first stealthy, become almost homely as he
+feels that he is secure. He opens the bag and takes out a bunch of keys,
+a small paper parcel, and a black implement that may be a burglar’s
+jemmy. This cool customer examines the fire and piles on more coals.
+With the keys he opens the door of the bookcase, selects two large
+volumes, and brings them to the table. He takes off his topcoat and
+opens his parcel, which we now see contains sheets of foolscap paper.
+His next action shows that the ‘jemmy’ is really a ruler. He knows where
+the pen and ink are kept. He pulls the fine chair nearer to the table,
+sits on it, and proceeds to write, occasionally dotting the carpet with
+ink as he stabs the air with his pen. He is so occupied that he does
+not see the door opening, and the Wylie family staring at him. They are
+armed with sticks.]
+
+ALICK [at last]. When you’re ready, John Shand.
+
+[JOHN hints back, and then he has the grace to rise, dogged and
+expressionless.]
+
+JAMES [like a railway porter]. Ticket, please.
+
+DAVID. You can’t think of anything clever for to go for to say now,
+John.
+
+MAGGIE. I hope you find that chair comfortable, young man.
+
+JOHN. I have no complaint to make against the chair.
+
+ALICK [who is really distressed]. A native of the town. The disgrace to
+your family! I feel pity for the Shands this night.
+
+JOHN [glowering]. I’ll thank you, Mr. Wylie, not to pity my family.
+
+JAMES. Canny, canny.
+
+MAGGIE [that sense of justice again]. I think you should let the young
+man explain. It mayn’t be so bad as we thought.
+
+DAVID. Explain away, my billie.
+
+JOHN. Only the uneducated would need an explanation. I’m a student,
+[with a little passion] and I’m desperate for want of books. You have
+all I want here; no use to you but for display; well, I came here to
+study. I come twice weekly. [Amazement of his hosts.]
+
+DAVID [who is the first to recover]. By the window.
+
+JOHN. Do you think a Shand would so far lower himself as to enter your
+door? Well, is it a case for the police?
+
+JAMES. It is.
+
+MAGGIE [not so much out of the goodness of her heart as to patronise
+the Shands]. It seems to me it’s a case for us all to go to our beds and
+leave the young man to study; but not on that chair. [And she wheels the
+chair away from him.]
+
+JOHN. Thank you, Miss Maggie, but I couldn’t be beholden to you.
+
+JAMES. My opinion is that he’s nobody, so out with him.
+
+JOHN. Yes, out with me. And you’ll be cheered to hear I’m likely to be a
+nobody for a long time to come.
+
+DAVID [who had been beginning to respect him]. Are you a poor scholar?
+
+JOHN. On the contrary, I’m a brilliant scholar.
+
+DAVID. It’s siller, then?
+
+JOHN [glorified by experiences he has shared with many a gallant soul].
+My first year at college I lived on a barrel of potatoes, and we had
+just a sofa-bed between two of us; when the one lay down the other had
+to get up. Do you think it was hardship? It was sublime. But this year
+I can’t afford it. I’ll have to stay on here, collecting the tickets
+of the illiterate, such as you, when I might be with Romulus and Remus
+among the stars.
+
+JAMES [summing up]. Havers.
+
+DAVID [in whose head some design is vaguely taking shape]. Whist, James.
+I must say, young lad, I like your spirit. Now tell me, what’s your
+professors’ opinion of your future.
+
+JOHN. They think me a young man of extraordinary promise.
+
+DAVID. You have a name here for high moral character.
+
+JOHN. And justly.
+
+DAVID. Are you serious-minded?
+
+JOHN. I never laughed in my life.
+
+DAVID. Who do you sit under in Glasgow?
+
+JOHN. Mr. Flemister of the Sauchiehall High.
+
+DAVID. Are you a Sabbath-school teacher?
+
+JOHN. I am.
+
+DAVID. One more question. Are you promised?
+
+JOHN. To a lady?
+
+DAVID. Yes.
+
+JOHN. I’ve never given one of them a single word of encouragement. I’m
+too much occupied thinking about my career.
+
+DAVID. So. [He reflects, and finally indicates by a jerk of the head
+that he wishes to talk with his father behind the door.]
+
+JAMES [longingly]. Do you want me too?
+
+[But they go out without even answering him.]
+
+MAGGIE. I don’t know what maggot they have in their heads, but sit down,
+young man, till they come back.
+
+JOHN. My name’s Mr. Shand, and till I’m called that I decline to sit
+down again in this house.
+
+MAGGIE. Then I’m thinking, young sir, you’ll have a weary wait.
+
+[While he waits you can see how pinched his face is. He is little more
+than a boy, and he seldom has enough to eat. DAVID and ALICK return
+presently, looking as sly as if they had been discussing some move on
+the dambrod, as indeed they have.]
+
+DAVID [suddenly become genial]. Sit down, Mr. Shand, and pull in your
+chair. You’ll have a thimbleful of something to keep the cold out?
+[Briskly] Glasses, Maggie.
+
+[She wonders, but gets glasses and decanter from the sideboard, which
+JAMES calls the chiffy. DAVID and ALICK, in the most friendly manner,
+also draw up to the table.]
+
+You’re not a totaller, I hope?
+
+JOHN [guardedly]. I’m practically a totaller.
+
+DAVID. So are we. How do you take it? Is there any hot water, Maggie?
+
+JOHN. If I take it at all, and I haven’t made up my mind yet, I’ll take
+it cold.
+
+DAVID. You’ll take it hot, James?
+
+JAMES [also sitting at the table but completely befogged]. No, I--
+
+DAVID [decisively] I think you’ll take it hot, James.
+
+JAMES [sulking]. I’ll take it hot.
+
+DAVID. The kettle, Maggie.
+
+[JAMES has evidently to take it hot so that they can get at the business
+now on hand, while MAGGIE goes kitchenward for the kettle.]
+
+ALICK. Now, David, quick, before she comes back.
+
+DAVID. Mr. Shand, we have an offer to make you.
+
+JOHN [warningly]. No patronage.
+
+ALICK. It’s strictly a business affair.
+
+DAVID. Leave it to me, father. It’s this--[But to his annoyance the
+suspicious MAGGIE has already returned with the kettle.] Maggie, don’t
+you see that you’re not wanted?
+
+MAGGIE [sitting down by the fire and resuming her knitting]. I do,
+David.
+
+DAVID. I have a proposition to put before Mr. Shand, and women are out
+of place in business transactions.
+
+[The needles continue to click.]
+
+ALICK [sighing]. We’ll have to let her bide, David.
+
+DAVID [sternly]. Woman. [But even this does not budge her.] Very well
+then, sit there, but don’t interfere, mind. Mr. Shand, we’re willing,
+the three of us, to lay out L300 on your education if--
+
+JOHN. Take care.
+
+DAVID [slowly, which is not his wont]. On condition that five years from
+now, Maggie Wylie, if still unmarried, can claim to marry you, should
+such be her wish; the thing to be perfectly open on her side, but you to
+be strictly tied down.
+
+JAMES [enlightened]. So, so.
+
+DAVID [resuming his smart manner]. Now, what have you to say? Decide.
+
+JOHN [after a pause]. I regret to say--
+
+MAGGIE. It doesn’t matter what he regrets to say, because I decide
+against it. And I think it was very ill-done of you to make any such
+proposal.
+
+DAVID [without looking at her]. Quiet, Maggie.
+
+JOHN [looking at her]. I must say, Miss Maggie, I don’t see what reasons
+YOU can have for being so set against it.
+
+MAGGIE. If you would grow a beard, Mr. Shand, the reasons wouldn’t be
+quite so obvious.
+
+JOHN. I’ll never grow a beard.
+
+MAGGIE. Then you’re done for at the start.
+
+ALICK. Come, come.
+
+MAGGIE. Seeing I have refused the young man--
+
+JOHN. Refused!
+
+DAVID. That’s no reason why we shouldn’t have his friendly opinion. Your
+objections, Mr. Shand?
+
+JOHN. Simply, it’s a one-sided bargain. I admit I’m no catch at present;
+but what could a man of my abilities not soar to with three hundred
+pounds? Something far above what she could aspire to.
+
+MAGGIE. Oh, indeed!
+
+DAVID. The position is that without the three hundred you can’t soar.
+
+JOHN. You have me there.
+
+MAGGIE. Yes, but--
+
+ALICK. You see YOU’RE safeguarded, Maggie; you don’t need to take him
+unless you like, but he has to take you.
+
+JOHN. That’s an unfair arrangement also.
+
+MAGGIE. I wouldn’t dream of it without that condition.
+
+JOHN. Then you ARE thinking of it?
+
+MAGGIE. Poof!
+
+DAVID. It’s a good arrangement for you, Mr. Shand. The chances are
+you’ll never have to go on with it, for in all probability she’ll marry
+soon.
+
+JAMES. She’s tremendous run after.
+
+JOHN. Even if that’s true, it’s just keeping me in reserve in case she
+misses doing better.
+
+DAVID [relieved]. That’s the situation in a nutshell.
+
+JOHN. Another thing. Supposing I was to get fond of her?
+
+ALICK [wistfully]. It’s very likely.
+
+JOHN. Yes, and then suppose she was to give me the go-by?
+
+DAVID. You have to risk that.
+
+JOHN. Or take it the other way. Supposing as I got to know her I COULD
+NOT endure her?
+
+DAVID [suavely]. You have both to take risks.
+
+JAMES [less suavely]. What you need, John Shand, is a clout on the head.
+
+JOHN. Three hundred pounds is no great sum.
+
+DAVID. You can take it or leave it.
+
+ALICK. No great sum for a student studying for the ministry!
+
+JOHN. Do you think that with that amount of money I would stop short at
+being a minister?
+
+DAVID. That’s how I like to hear you speak. A young Scotsman of your
+ability let loose upon the world with L300, what could he not do? It’s
+almost appalling to think of; especially if he went among the English.
+
+JOHN. What do you think, Miss Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE [who is knitting]. I have no thoughts on the subject either way.
+
+JOHN [after looking her over]. What’s her age? She looks young, but they
+say it’s the curls that does it.
+
+DAVID [rather happily]. She’s one of those women who are eternally
+young.
+
+JOHN. I can’t take that for an answer.
+
+DAVID. She’s twenty-five.
+
+JOHN. I’m just twenty-one.
+
+JAMES. I read in a book that about four years’ difference in the ages is
+the ideal thing. [As usual he is disregarded.]
+
+DAVID. Well, Mr. Shand?
+
+JOHN [where is his mother?]. I’m willing if she’s willing.
+
+DAVID. Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. There can be no ‘if’ about it. It must be an offer.
+
+JOHN. A Shand give a Wylie such a chance to humiliate him? Never.
+
+MAGGIE. Then all is off.
+
+DAVID. Come, come, Mr. Shand, it’s just a form.
+
+JOHN [reluctantly]. Miss Maggie, will you?
+
+MAGGIE [doggedly]. Is it an offer?
+
+JOHN [dourly]. Yes.
+
+MAGGIE [rising]. Before I answer I want first to give you a chance of
+drawing back.
+
+DAVID. Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE [bravely]. When they said that I have been run after they were
+misleading you. I’m without charm; nobody has ever been after me.
+
+JOHN. Oho!
+
+ALICK. They will be yet.
+
+JOHN [the innocent]. It shows at least that you haven’t been after them.
+
+[His hosts exchange a self-conscious glance.]
+
+MAGGIE. One thing more; David said I’m twenty-five, I’m twenty-six.
+
+JOHN. Aha!
+
+MAGGIE. Now be practical. Do you withdraw from the bargain, or do you
+not?
+
+JOHN [on reflection]. It’s a bargain.
+
+MAGGIE. Then so be it.
+
+DAVID [hurriedly]. And that’s settled. Did you say you would take it
+hot, Mr. Shand?
+
+JOHN. I think I’ll take it neat.
+
+[The others decide to take it hot, and there is some careful business
+here with the toddy ladles.]
+
+ALICK. Here’s to you, and your career.
+
+JOHN. Thank you. To you, Miss Maggie. Had we not better draw up a legal
+document? Lawyer Crosbie could do it on the quiet.
+
+DAVID. Should we do that, or should we just trust to one another’s
+honour?
+
+ALICK [gallantly]. Let Maggie decide.
+
+MAGGIE. I think we would better have a legal document.
+
+DAVID. We’ll have it drawn up to-morrow. I was thinking the best way
+would be for to pay the money in five yearly instalments.
+
+JOHN. I was thinking, better bank the whole sum in my name at once.
+
+ALICK. I think David’s plan’s the best.
+
+JOHN. I think not. Of course if it’s not convenient to you--
+
+DAVID [touched to the quick]. It’s perfectly convenient. What do you
+say, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. I agree with John.
+
+DAVID [with an odd feeling that MAGGIE is now on the other side]. Very
+well.
+
+JOHN. Then as that’s settled I think I’ll be stepping. [He is putting
+his papers back in the bag.]
+
+ALICK [politely]. If you would like to sit on at your books--
+
+JOHN. As I can come at any orra time now I think I’ll be stepping.
+[MAGGIE helps him into his topcoat.]
+
+MAGGIE. Have you a muffler, John?
+
+JOHN. I have. [He gets it from his pocket.]
+
+MAGGIE. You had better put it twice round. [She does this for him.]
+
+DAVID. Well, good-night to you, Mr. Shand.
+
+ALICK. And good luck.
+
+JOHN. Thank you. The same to you. And I’ll cry in at your office in the
+morning before the 6:20 is due.
+
+DAVID. I’ll have the document ready for you. [There is the awkward pause
+that sometimes follows great events.] I think, Maggie, you might see Mr.
+Shand to the door.
+
+MAGGIE. Certainly. [JOHN is going by the window.] This way, John.
+
+[She takes him off by the more usual exit.]
+
+DAVID. He’s a fine frank fellow; and you saw how cleverly he got the
+better of me about banking the money. [As the heads of the conspirators
+come gleefully together] I tell you, father, he has a grand business
+head.
+
+ALICK. Lads, he’s canny. He’s cannier than any of us.
+
+JAMES. Except maybe Maggie. He has no idea what a remarkable woman
+Maggie is.
+
+ALICK. Best he shouldn’t know. Men are nervous of remarkable women.
+
+JAMES. She’s a long time in coming back.
+
+DAVID [not quite comfortable]. It’s a good sign. H’sh. What sort of a
+night is it, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. It’s a little blowy.
+
+[She gets a large dustcloth which is lying folded on a shelf,
+and proceeds to spread it over the fine chair. The men exchange
+self-conscious glances.]
+
+DAVID [stretching himself]. Yes--well, well, oh yes. It’s getting late.
+What is it with you, father?
+
+ALICK. I’m ten forty-two.
+
+JAMES. I’m ten-forty.
+
+DAVID. Ten forty-two.
+
+[They wind up their watches.]
+
+MAGGIE. It’s high time we were bedded. [She puts her hands on their
+shoulders lovingly, which is the very thing they have been trying to
+avoid.] You’re very kind to me.
+
+DAVID. Havers.
+
+ALICK. Havers.
+
+JAMES [but this does not matter]. Havers.
+
+MAGGIE [a little dolefully]. I’m a sort of sorry for the young man,
+David.
+
+DAVID. Not at all. You’ll be the making of him. [She lifts the two
+volumes.] Are you taking the books to your bed, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. Yes. I don’t want him to know things I don’t know myself.
+
+[She departs with the books; and ALICK and DAVID, the villains, now want
+to get away from each other.]
+
+ALICK. Yes--yes. Oh yes--ay, man--it is so--umpha. You’ll lift the big
+coals off, David.
+
+[He wanders away to his spring mattress. DAVID removes the coals.]
+
+JAMES [who would like to sit down and have an argy-bargy]. It’s a most
+romantical affair. [But he gets no answer.] I wonder how it’ll turn out?
+[No answer.] She’s queer, Maggie. I wonder how some clever writers has
+never noticed how queer women are. It’s my belief you could write a
+whole book about them. [DAVID remains obdurate.] It was very noble of
+her to tell him she’s twenty-six. [Muttering as he too wanders away.]
+But I thought she was twenty-seven.
+
+[DAVID turns out the light.]
+
+
+
+
+ACT II
+
+[Six years have elapsed and John Shand’s great hour has come. Perhaps
+his great hour really lies ahead of him, perhaps he had it six years
+ago; it often passes us by in the night with such a faint call that
+we don’t even turn in our beds. But according to the trumpets this is
+John’s great hour; it is the hour for which he has long been working
+with his coat off; and now the coat is on again (broadcloth but
+ill-fitting), for there is no more to do but await results. He is
+standing for Parliament, and this is election night.
+
+As the scene discloses itself you get, so to speak, one of John Shand’s
+posters in the face. Vote for Shand. Shand, Shand, Shand. Civil and
+Religious Liberty, Faith, Hope, Freedom. They are all fly-blown names
+for Shand. Have a placard about Shand, have a hundred placards about
+him, it is snowing Shand to-night in Glasgow; take the paste out of your
+eye, and you will see that we are in one of Shand’s committee rooms.
+It has been a hairdresser’s emporium, but Shand, Shand, Shand has swept
+through it like a wind, leaving nothing but the fixtures; why shave,
+why have your head doused in those basins when you can be brushed and
+scraped and washed up for ever by simply voting for Shand?
+
+There are a few hard chairs for yelling Shand from, and then rushing
+away. There is an iron spiral staircase that once led to the ladies’
+hairdressing apartments, but now leads to more Shand, Shand, Shand. A
+glass door at the back opens on to the shop proper, screaming Civil and
+Religious Liberty, Shand, as it opens, and beyond is the street crammed
+with still more Shand pro and con. Men in every sort of garb rush in
+and out, up and down the stair, shouting the magic word. Then there is
+a lull, and down the stair comes Maggie Wylie, decidedly overdressed in
+blue velvet and (let us get this over) less good-looking than ever. She
+raises her hands to heaven, she spins round like a little teetotum. To
+her from the street, suffering from a determination of the word Shand to
+the mouth, rush Alick and David. Alick is thinner (being older), David
+is stouter (being older), and they are both in tweeds and silk hats.]
+
+MAGGIE. David--have they--is he? quick, quick! DAVID. There’s no news
+yet, no news. It’s terrible.
+
+[The teetotum revolves more quickly.]
+
+ALICK. For God’s sake, Maggie, sit down.
+
+MAGGIE. I can’t, I can’t.
+
+DAVID. Hold her down.
+
+[They press her into a chair; JAMES darts in, stouter also. His necktie
+has gone; he will never again be able to attend a funeral in that hat.]
+
+JAMES [wildly]. John Shand’s the man for you. John Shand’s the man for
+you. John Shand’s the man for you.
+
+DAVID [clutching him]. Have you heard anything?
+
+JAMES. Not a word.
+
+ALICK. Look at her.
+
+DAVID. Maggie [he goes on his knees beside her, pressing her to him in
+affectionate anxiety]. It was mad of him to dare.
+
+MAGGIE. It was grand of him.
+
+ALICK [moving about distraught]. Insane ambition.
+
+MAGGIE. Glorious ambition.
+
+DAVID. Maggie, Maggie, my lamb, best be prepared for the worst.
+
+MAGGIE [husky]. I am prepared.
+
+ALICK. Six weary years has she waited for this night.
+
+MAGGIE. Six brave years has John toiled for this night.
+
+JAMES. And you could have had him, Maggie, at the end of five. The
+document says five.
+
+MAGGIE. Do you think I grudge not being married to him yet? Was I to
+hamper him till the fight was won?
+
+DAVID [with wrinkled brows]. But if it’s lost?
+
+[She can’t answer.]
+
+ALICK [starting]. What’s that?
+
+[The three listen at the door, the shouting dies down.]
+
+DAVID. They’re terrible still; what can make them so still?
+
+[JAMES spirits himself away. ALICK and DAVID blanch to hear MAGGIE
+speaking softly as if to JOHN.]
+
+MAGGIE. Did you say you had lost, John? Of course you would lose the
+first time, dear John. Six years. Very well, we’ll begin another six
+to-night. You’ll win yet. [Fiercely] Never give in, John, never give in!
+
+[The roar of the multitude breaks out again and comes rolling nearer.]
+
+DAVID. I think he’s coming.
+
+[JAMES is fired into the room like a squeezed onion.]
+
+JAMES. He’s coming!
+
+[They may go on speaking, but through the clang outside none could hear.
+The populace seems to be trying to take the committee room by assault.
+Out of the scrimmage a man emerges dishevelled and bursts into the room,
+closing the door behind him. It is JOHN SHAND in a five guinea suit,
+including the hat. There are other changes in him also, for he has
+been delving his way through loamy ground all those years. His right
+shoulder, which he used to raise to pound a path through the crowd, now
+remains permanently in that position. His mouth tends to close like a
+box. His eyes are tired, they need some one to pull the lids over them
+and send him to sleep for a week. But they are honest eyes still, and
+faithful, and could even light up his face at times with a smile, if the
+mouth would give a little help.]
+
+JOHN [clinging to a chair that he may not fly straight to heaven]. I’m
+in; I’m elected. Majority two hundred and forty-four; I’m John Shand,
+M.P.
+
+[The crowd have the news by this time and their roar breaks the door
+open. JAMES is off at once to tell them that he is to be SHAND’S
+brother-in-law. A teardrop clings to ALICK’s nose; DAVID hits out
+playfully at JOHN, and JOHN in an ecstasy returns the blow.]
+
+DAVID. Fling yourself at the door, father, and bar them out. Maggie,
+what keeps you so quiet now?
+
+MAGGIE [weak in her limbs]. You’re sure you’re in, John?
+
+JOHN. Majority 244. I’ve beaten the baronet. I’ve done it, Maggie, and
+not a soul to help me; I’ve done it alone. [His voice breaks; you could
+almost pick up the pieces.] I’m as hoarse as a crow, and I have to
+address the Cowcaddens Club yet; David, pump some oxygen into me.
+
+DAVID. Certainly, Mr. Shand. [While he does it, MAGGIE is seeing
+visions.]
+
+ALICK. What are you doing, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. This is the House of Commons, and I’m John, catching the
+Speaker’s eye for the first time. Do you see a queer little old wifie
+sitting away up there in the Ladies’ Gallery? That’s me. ‘Mr. Speaker,
+sir, I rise to make my historic maiden speech. I am no orator, sir’;
+voice from Ladies’ Gallery, ‘Are you not, John? you’ll soon let them see
+that’; cries of ‘Silence, woman,’ and general indignation. ‘Mr. Speaker,
+sir, I stand here diffidently with my eyes on the Treasury Bench’; voice
+from the Ladies’ Gallery, ‘And you’ll soon have your coat-tails on it,
+John’; loud cries of ‘Remove that little old wifie,’ in which she is
+forcibly ejected, and the honourable gentleman resumes his seat in a
+torrent of admiring applause.
+
+[ALICK and DAVID waggle their proud heads.]
+
+JOHN [tolerantly]. Maggie, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. You’re not angry with me, John?
+
+JOHN. No, no.
+
+MAGGIE. But you glowered.
+
+JOHN. I was thinking of Sir Peregrine. Just because I beat him at the
+poll he took a shabby revenge; he congratulated me in French, a language
+I haven’t taken the trouble to master.
+
+MAGGIE [becoming a little taller]. Would it help you, John, if you were
+to marry a woman that could speak French?
+
+DAVID [quickly]. Not at all.
+
+MAGGIE [gloriously]. Mon cher Jean, laissez-moi parler le francais,
+voulez-vous un interprete?
+
+JOHN. Hullo!
+
+MAGGIE. Je suis la soeur francaise de mes deux freres ecossais.
+
+DAVID [worshipping her]. She’s been learning French.
+
+JOHN [lightly]. Well done.
+
+MAGGIE [grandly]. They’re arriving.
+
+ALICK. Who?
+
+MAGGIE. Our guests. This is London, and Mrs. John Shand is giving her
+first reception. [Airily] Have I told you, darling, who are coming
+to-night? There’s that dear Sir Peregrine. [To ALICK] Sir Peregrine,
+this is a pleasure. Avez-vous...So sorry we beat you at the poll.
+
+JOHN. I’m doubting the baronet would sit on you, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. I’ve invited a lord to sit on the baronet. Voila!
+
+DAVID [delighted]. You thing! You’ll find the lords expensive.
+
+MAGGIE. Just a little cheap lord. [JAMES enters importantly.] My dear
+Lord Cheap, this is kind of you.
+
+[JAMES hopes that MAGGIE’s reason is not unbalanced.]
+
+DAVID [who really ought to have had education]. How de doo, Cheap?
+
+JAMES [bewildered]. Maggie---
+
+MAGGIE. Yes, do call me Maggie.
+
+ALICK [grinning]. She’s practising her first party, James. The swells
+are at the door.
+
+JAMES [heavily]. That’s what I came to say. They are at the door.
+
+JOHN. Who?
+
+JAMES. The swells; in their motor. [He gives JOHN three cards.]
+
+JOHN. ‘Mr. Tenterden.’
+
+DAVID. Him that was speaking for you?
+
+JOHN. The same. He’s a whip and an Honourable. ‘Lady Sybil Tenterden.’
+[Frowns.] Her! She’s his sister.
+
+MAGGIE. A married woman?
+
+JOHN. No. ‘The Comtesse de la Briere.’
+
+MAGGIE [the scholar]. She must be French.
+
+JOHN. Yes; I think she’s some relation. She’s a widow.
+
+JAMES. But what am I to say to them? [‘Mr. Shand’s compliments, and
+he will be proud to receive them’ is the very least that the Wylies
+expect.]
+
+JOHN [who was evidently made for great ends]. Say I’m very busy, but if
+they care to wait I hope presently to give them a few minutes.
+
+JAMES [thunderstruck]. Good God, Mr. Shand!
+
+[But it makes him JOHN’S more humble servant than ever, and he departs
+with the message.]
+
+JOHN [not unaware of the sensation he has created]. I’ll go up and let
+the crowd see me from the window.
+
+MAGGIE. But--but--what are we to do with these ladies?
+
+JOHN [as he tramps upwards]. It’s your reception, Maggie; this will
+prove you.
+
+MAGGIE [growing smaller]. Tell me what you know about this Lady Sybil?
+
+JOHN. The only thing I know about her is that she thinks me vulgar.
+
+MAGGIE. You?
+
+JOHN. She has attended some of my meetings, and I’m told she said that.
+
+MAGGIE. What could the woman mean?
+
+JOHN. I wonder. When I come down I’ll ask her.
+
+[With his departure MAGGIE’S nervousness increases.]
+
+ALICK [encouragingly]. In at them, Maggie, with your French.
+
+MAGGIE. It’s all slipping from me, father.
+
+DAVID [gloomily]. I’m sure to say ‘for to come for to go.’
+
+[The newcomers glorify the room, and MAGGIE feels that they have lifted
+her up with the tongs and deposited her in one of the basins. They are
+far from intending to be rude; it is not their fault that thus do swans
+scatter the ducks. They do not know that they are guests of the family,
+they think merely that they are waiting with other strangers in a public
+room; they undulate inquiringly, and if MAGGIE could undulate in return
+she would have no cause for offence. But she suddenly realises that
+this is an art as yet denied her, and that though DAVID might buy her
+evening-gowns as fine as theirs [and is at this moment probably deciding
+to do so], she would look better carrying them in her arms than on her
+person. She also feels that to emerge from wraps as they are doing is
+more difficult than to plank your money on the counter for them. The
+COMTESSE she could forgive, for she is old; but LADY SYBIL is young and
+beautiful and comes lazily to rest like a stately ship of Tarsus.]
+
+COMTESSE [smiling divinely, and speaking with such a pretty accent]. I
+hope one is not in the way. We were told we might wait.
+
+MAGGIE [bravely climbing out of the basin]. Certainly--I am sure if you
+will be so--it is--
+
+[She knows that DAVID and her father are very sorry for her.]
+
+[A high voice is heard orating outside.]
+
+SYBIL [screwing her nose deliciously]. He is at it again, Auntie.
+
+COMTESSE. Mon Dieu! [Like one begging pardon of the universe] It is Mr.
+Tenterden, you understand, making one more of his delightful speeches to
+the crowd. WOULD you be so charming as to shut the door?
+
+[This to DAVID in such appeal that she is evidently making the petition
+of her life. DAVID saves her.]
+
+MAGGIE [determined not to go under]. J’espere que
+vous--trouvez--cette--reunion--interessante?
+
+COMTESSE. Vous parlez francais? Mais c’est charmant! Voyons, causons
+un peu. Racontez-moi tout de ce grand homme, toutes les choses
+merveilleuses qu’il a faites.
+
+MAGGIE. I--I--Je connais--[Alas!]
+
+COMTESSE [naughtily]. Forgive me, Mademoiselle, I thought you spoke
+French.
+
+SYBIL [who knows that DAVID admires her shoulders]. How wicked of you,
+Auntie. [To MAGGIE] I assure you none of us can understand her when she
+gallops at that pace.
+
+MAGGIE [crushed]. It doesn’t matter. I will tell Mr. Shand that you are
+here.
+
+SYBIL [drawling]. Please don’t trouble him. We are really only waiting
+till my brother recovers and can take us back to our hotel.
+
+MAGGIE. I’ll tell him.
+
+[She is glad to disappear up the stair.]
+
+COMTESSE. The lady seems distressed. Is she a relation of Mr. Shand?
+
+DAVID. Not for to say a relation. She’s my sister. Our name is Wylie.
+
+[But granite quarries are nothing to them.]
+
+COMTESSE. How do you do. You are the committee man of Mr. Shand?
+
+DAVID. No, just friends.
+
+COMTESSE [gaily to the basins]. Aha! I know you. Next, please! Sybil, do
+you weigh yourself, or are you asleep?
+
+[LADY SYBIL has sunk indolently into a weighing-chair.]
+
+SYBIL. Not quite, Auntie.
+
+COMTESSE [the mirror of la politesse]. Tell me all about Mr. Shand. Was
+it here that he--picked up the pin?
+
+DAVID. The pin?
+
+COMTESSE. As I have read, a self-made man always begins by picking up a
+pin. After that, as the memoirs say, his rise was rapid.
+
+[DAVID, however, is once more master of himself, and indeed has begun to
+tot up the cost of their garments.]
+
+DAVID. It wasn’t a pin he picked up, my lady; it was L300.
+
+ALICK [who feels that JOHN’s greatness has been outside the conversation
+quite long enough]. And his rise wasn’t so rapid, just at first, David!
+
+DAVID. He had his fight. His original intention was to become a
+minister; he’s university-educated, you know; he’s not a working-man
+member.
+
+ALICK [with reverence]. He’s an M.A. But while he was a student he got a
+place in an iron-cementer’s business.
+
+COMTESSE [now far out of her depths]. Iron-cementer?
+
+DAVID. They scrape boilers.
+
+COMTESSE. I see. The fun men have, Sybil!
+
+DAVID [with some solemnity]. There have been millions made in scraping
+boilers. They say, father, he went into business so as to be able to pay
+off the L300.
+
+ALICK [slily]. So I’ve heard.
+
+COMTESSE. Aha--it was a loan?
+
+[DAVID and ALICK are astride their great subject now.]
+
+DAVID. No, a gift--of a sort--from some well-wishers. But they wouldn’t
+hear of his paying it off, father!
+
+ALICK. Not them!
+
+COMTESSE [restraining an impulse to think of other things]. That was
+kind, charming.
+
+ALICK [with a look at DAVID]. Yes. Well, my lady, he developed a perfect
+genius for the iron-cementing.
+
+DAVID. But his ambition wasn’t satisfied. Soon he had public life in his
+eye. As a heckler he was something fearsome; they had to seat him on the
+platform for to keep him quiet. Next they had to let him into the Chair.
+After that he did all the speaking; he cleared all roads before him like
+a fire-engine; and when this vacancy occurred, you could hardly say it
+did occur, so quickly did he step into it. My lady, there are few more
+impressive sights in the world than a Scotsman on the make.
+
+COMTESSE. I can well believe it. And now he has said farewell to
+boilers?
+
+DAVID [impressively]. Not at all; the firm promised if he was elected
+for to make him their London manager at L800 a year.
+
+COMTESSE. There is a strong man for you, Sybil; but I believe you ARE
+asleep.
+
+SYBIL [stirring herself]. Honestly, I’m not. [Sweetly to the others] But
+would you mind finding out whether my brother is drawing to a close?
+
+[DAVID goes out, leaving poor ALICK marooned. The COMTESSE is kind to
+him.]
+
+COMTESSE. Thank you very much. [Which helps ALICK out.] Don’t you love a
+strong man, sleepy head?
+
+SYBIL [preening herself]. I never met one.
+
+COMTESSE. Neither have I. But if you DID meet one, would he wakes you
+up?
+
+SYBIL. I dare say he would find there were two of us.
+
+COMTESSE [considering her]. Yes, I think he would. Ever been in love,
+you cold thing?
+
+SYBIL [yawning]. I have never shot up in flame, Auntie.
+
+COMTESSE. Think you could manage it?
+
+SYBIL. If Mr. Right came along.
+
+COMTESSE. As a girl of to-day it would be your duty to tame him.
+
+SYBIL. As a girl of to-day I would try to do my duty.
+
+COMTESSE. And if it turned out that HE tamed you instead?
+
+SYBIL. He would have to do that if he were MY Mr. Right.
+
+COMTESSE. And then?
+
+SYBIL. Then, of course, I should adore him. Auntie, I think if I
+ever really love it will be like Mary Queen of Scots, who said of her
+Bothwell that she could follow him round the world in her nighty.
+
+COMTESSE. My petite!
+
+SYBIL. I believe I mean it.
+
+COMTESSE. Oh, it is quite my conception of your character. Do you know,
+I am rather sorry for this Mr. John Shand.
+
+SYBIL [opening her fine eyes]. Why? He is quite a boor, is he not?
+
+COMTESSE. For that very reason. Because his great hour is already nearly
+sped. That wild bull manner that moves the multitude--they will laugh at
+it in your House of Commons.
+
+SYBIL [indifferent]. I suppose so.
+
+COMTESSE. Yet if he had education---
+
+SYBIL. Have we not been hearing how superbly he is educated?
+
+COMTESSE. It is such as you or me that he needs to educate him now. You
+could do it almost too well.
+
+SYBIL [with that pretty stretch of neck]. I am not sufficiently
+interested. I retire in your favour. How would you begin?
+
+COMTESSE. By asking him to drop in, about five, of course. By the way, I
+wonder is there a Mrs. Shand?
+
+SYBIL. I have no idea. But they marry young.
+
+COMTESSE. If there is not, there is probably a lady waiting for him,
+somewhere in a boiler.
+
+SYBIL. I dare say.
+
+[MAGGIE descends.]
+
+MAGGIE. Mr. Shand will be down directly.
+
+COMTESSE. Thank you. Your brother has been giving us such an interesting
+account of his career. I forget, Sybil, whether he said that he was
+married.
+
+MAGGIE. No, he’s not married; but he will be soon.
+
+COMTESSE. Ah! [She is merely making conversation.] A friend of yours?
+
+MAGGIE [now a scorner of herself]. I don’t think much of her.
+
+COMTESSE. In that case, tell me all about her.
+
+MAGGIE. There’s not much to tell. She’s common, and stupid. One of those
+who go in for self-culture; and then when the test comes they break
+down. [With sinister enjoyment] She’ll be the ruin of him.
+
+COMTESSE. But is not that sad! Figure to yourself how many men with
+greatness before them have been shipwrecked by marrying in the rank from
+which they sprang.
+
+MAGGIE. I’ve told her that.
+
+COMTESSE. But she will not give him up?
+
+MAGGIE. No.
+
+SYBIL. Why should she if he cares for her? What is her name?
+
+MAGGIE. It’s--Maggie.
+
+COMTESSE [still uninterested]. Well, I am afraid that Maggie is to do
+for John. [JOHN comes down.] Ah, our hero!
+
+JOHN. Sorry I have kept you waiting. The Comtesse?
+
+COMTESSE. And my niece Lady Sybil Tenterden. [SYBIL’S head inclines on
+its stem.] She is not really all my niece; I mean I am only half of her
+aunt. What a triumph, Mr. Shand!
+
+JOHN. Oh, pretty fair, pretty fair. Your brother has just finished
+addressing the crowd, Lady Sybil.
+
+SYBIL. Then we must not detain Mr. Shand, Auntie.
+
+COMTESSE [who unless her heart is touched thinks insincerity charming].
+Only one word. I heard you speak last night. Sublime! Just the sort of
+impassioned eloquence that your House of Commons loves.
+
+JOHN. It’s very good of you to say so.
+
+COMTESSE. But we must run. Bon soir.
+
+[SYBIL bows as to some one far away.]
+
+JOHN. Good-night, Lady Sybil. I hear you think I’m vulgar. [Eyebrows are
+raised.]
+
+COMTESSE. My dear Mr. Shand, what absurd---
+
+JOHN. I was told she said that after hearing me speak.
+
+COMTESSE. Quite a mistake, I---
+
+JOHN [doggedly]. Is it not true?
+
+SYBIL [‘waking up’]. You seem to know, Mr. Shand; and as you press me so
+unnecessarily--well, yes, that is how you struck me.
+
+COMTESSE. My child!
+
+SYBIL [who is a little agitated]. He would have it.
+
+JOHN [perplexed]. What’s the matter? I just wanted to know, because if
+it’s true I must alter it.
+
+COMTESSE. There, Sybil, see how he values your good opinion.
+
+SYBIL [her svelte figure giving like a fishing-rod]. It is very nice of
+you to put it in that way, Mr. Shand. Forgive me.
+
+JOHN. But I don’t quite understand yet. Of course, it can’t matter to
+me, Lady Sybil, what you think of me; what I mean is, that I mustn’t be
+vulgar if it would be injurious to my career.
+
+[The fishing-rod regains its rigidity.]
+
+SYBIL. I see. No, of course, I could not affect your career, Mr Shand.
+
+JOHN [who quite understands that he is being challenged]. That’s so,
+Lady Sybil, meaning no offence.
+
+SYBIL [who has a naughty little impediment in her voice when she is most
+alluring]. Of course not. And we are friends again?
+
+JOHN. Certainly.
+
+SYBIL. Then I hope you will come to see me in London as I present no
+terrors.
+
+JOHN [he is a man, is JOHN]. I’ll be very pleased.
+
+SYBIL. Any afternoon about five.
+
+JOHN. Much obliged. And you can teach me the things I don’t know yet, if
+you’ll be so kind.
+
+SYBIL [the impediment becoming more assertive]. If you wish it, I shall
+do my best.
+
+JOHN. Thank you, Lady Sybil. And who knows there may be one or two
+things I can teach you.
+
+SYBIL [it has now become an angel’s hiccough]. Yes, we can help one
+another. Good-bye till then.
+
+JOHN. Good-bye. Maggie, the ladies are going.
+
+[During this skirmish MAGGIE has stood apart. At the mention of her name
+they glance at one another. JOHN escorts SYBIL, but the COMTESSE turns
+back.]
+
+COMTESSE. Are you, then, THE Maggie? [MAGGIE nods rather defiantly and
+the COMTESSE is distressed.] But if I had known I would not have said
+those things. Please forgive an old woman.
+
+MAGGIE. It doesn’t matter.
+
+COMTESSE. I--I dare say it will be all right. Mademoiselle, if I were
+you I would not encourage those tete-a-tetes with Lady Sybil. I am the
+rude one, but she is the dangerous one; and I am afraid his impudence
+has attracted her. Bon voyage, Miss Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. Good-bye--but I CAN speak French. Je parle francais. Isn’t that
+right?
+
+COMTESSE. But, yes, it is excellent. [Making things easy for her] C’est
+tres bien.
+
+MAGGIE. Je me suis embrouillee--la derniere fois.
+
+COMTESSE. Good! Shall I speak more slowly?
+
+MAGGIE. No, no. Nonon, non, faster, faster.
+
+COMTESSE. J’admire votre courage!
+
+MAGGIE. Je comprends chaque mot.
+
+COMTESSE. Parfait! Bravo!
+
+MAGGIE. Voila!
+
+COMTESSE. Superbe!
+
+[She goes, applauding; and MAGGIE has a moment of elation, which however
+has passed before JOHN returns for his hat.]
+
+MAGGIE. Have you more speaking to do, John? [He is somehow in high
+good-humour.]
+
+JOHN. I must run across and address the Cowcaddens Club. [He sprays his
+throat with a hand-spray.] I wonder if I AM vulgar, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. You are not, but _I_ am.
+
+JOHN. Not that _I_ can see.
+
+MAGGIE. Look how overdressed I am, John. I knew it was too showy when
+I ordered it, and yet I could not resist the thing. But I will tone it
+down, I will. What did you think of Lady Sybil?
+
+JOHN. That young woman had better be careful. She’s a bit of a besom,
+Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. She’s beautiful, John.
+
+JOHN. She has a neat way of stretching herself. For playing with she
+would do as well as another.
+
+[She looks at him wistfully.]
+
+MAGGIE. You couldn’t stay and have a talk for a few minutes?
+
+JOHN. If you want me, Maggie. The longer you keep them waiting, the more
+they think of you.
+
+MAGGIE. When are you to announce that we’re to be married, John?
+
+JOHN. I won’t be long. You’ve waited a year more than you need have
+done, so I think it’s your due I should hurry things now.
+
+MAGGIE. I think it’s noble of you.
+
+JOHN. Not at all, Maggie; the nobleness has been yours in waiting so
+patiently. And your brothers would insist on it at any rate. They’re
+watching me like cats with a mouse.
+
+MAGGIE. It’s so little I’ve done to help.
+
+JOHN. Three hundred pounds.
+
+MAGGIE. I’m getting a thousand per cent for it.
+
+JOHN. And very pleased I am you should think so, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. Is it terrible hard to you, John?
+
+JOHN. It’s not hard at all. I can say truthfully, Maggie, that all, or
+nearly all, I’ve seen of you in these six years has gone to increase my
+respect for you.
+
+MAGGIE. Respect!
+
+JOHN. And a bargain’s a bargain.
+
+MAGGIE. If it wasn’t that you’re so glorious to me, John, I would let
+you off.
+
+[There is a gleam in his eye, but he puts it out.]
+
+JOHN. In my opinion, Maggie, we’ll be a very happy pair.
+
+[She accepts this eagerly.]
+
+MAGGIE. We know each other so well, John, don’t we?
+
+JOHN. I’m an extraordinary queer character, and I suppose nobody knows
+me well except myself; but I know you, Maggie, to the very roots of you.
+
+[She magnanimously lets this remark alone.]
+
+MAGGIE. And it’s not as if there was any other woman you--fancied more,
+John.
+
+JOHN. There’s none whatever.
+
+MAGGIE. If there ever should be--oh, if there ever should be! Some woman
+with charm.
+
+JOHN. Maggie, you forget yourself. There couldn’t be another woman once
+I was a married man.
+
+MAGGIE. One has heard of such things.
+
+JOHN. Not in Scotsmen, Maggie; not in Scotsmen.
+
+MAGGIE. I’ve sometimes thought, John, that the difference between us and
+the English is that the Scotch are hard in all other respects but soft
+with women, and the English are hard with women but soft in all other
+respects.
+
+JOHN. You’ve forgotten the grandest moral attribute of a Scotsman,
+Maggie, that he’ll do nothing which might damage his career.
+
+MAGGIE. Ah, but John, whatever you do, you do it so tremendously; and if
+you were to love, what a passion it would be.
+
+JOHN. There’s something in that, I suppose.
+
+MAGGIE. And then, what could I do? For the desire of my life now, John,
+is to help you to get everything you want, except just that I want you
+to have me, too.
+
+JOHN. We’ll get on fine, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. You’re just making the best of it. They say that love is
+sympathy, and if that’s so, mine must be a great love for you, for I see
+all you are feeling this night and bravely hiding; I feel for you as if
+I was John Shand myself. [He sighs.]
+
+JOHN. I had best go to the meeting, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. Not yet. Can you look me in the face, John, and deny that there
+is surging within you a mighty desire to be free, to begin the new life
+untrammelled?
+
+JOHN. Leave such maggots alone, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. It’s a shame of me not to give you up.
+
+JOHN. I would consider you a very foolish woman if you did.
+
+MAGGIE. If I were John Shand I would no more want to take Maggie Wylie
+with me through the beautiful door that has opened wide for you than I
+would want to take an old pair of shoon. Why don’t you bang the door in
+my face, John? [A tremor runs through JOHN.]
+
+JOHN. A bargain’s a bargain, Maggie.
+
+[MAGGIE moves about, an eerie figure, breaking into little cries. She
+flutters round him, threateningly.]
+
+MAGGIE. Say one word about wanting to get out of it, and I’ll put the
+lawyers on you.
+
+JOHN. Have I hinted at such a thing?
+
+MAGGIE. The document holds you hard and fast.
+
+JOHN. It does.
+
+[She gloats miserably.]
+
+MAGGIE. The woman never rises with the man. I’ll drag you down, John.
+I’ll drag you down.
+
+JOHN. Have no fear of that, I won’t let you. I’m too strong.
+
+MAGGIE. You’ll miss the prettiest thing in the world, and all owing to
+me.
+
+JOHN. What’s that?
+
+MAGGIE. Romance.
+
+JOHN. Poof.
+
+MAGGIE. All’s cold and grey without it, John. They that have had it have
+slipped in and out of heaven.
+
+JOHN. You’re exaggerating, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. You’ve worked so hard, you’ve had none of the fun that comes to
+most men long before they’re your age.
+
+JOHN. I never was one for fun. I cannot call to mind, Maggie, ever
+having laughed in my life.
+
+MAGGIE. You have no sense of humour.
+
+JOHN. Not a spark.
+
+MAGGIE. I’ve sometimes thought that if you had, it might make you fonder
+of me. I think one needs a sense of humour to be fond of me.
+
+JOHN. I remember reading of some one that said it needed a surgical
+operation to get a joke into a Scotsman’s head.
+
+MAGGIE. Yes, that’s been said.
+
+JOHN. What beats me, Maggie, is how you could insert a joke with an
+operation.
+
+[He considers this and gives it up.]
+
+MAGGIE. That’s not the kind of fun I was thinking of. I mean fun with
+the lasses, John--gay, jolly, harmless fun. They could be impudent
+fashionable beauties now, stretching themselves to attract you, like
+that hiccoughing little devil, and running away from you, and crooking
+their fingers to you to run after them.
+
+[He draws a big breath.]
+
+JOHN. No, I never had that.
+
+MAGGIE. It’s every man’s birthright, and you would have it now but for
+me.
+
+JOHN. I can do without, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. It’s like missing out all the Saturdays.
+
+JOHN. You feel sure, I suppose, that an older man wouldn’t suit you
+better, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. I couldn’t feel surer of anything. You’re just my ideal.
+
+JOHN. Yes, yes. Well, that’s as it should be.
+
+[She threatens him again.]
+
+MAGGIE. David has the document. It’s carefully locked away.
+
+JOHN. He would naturally take good care of it.
+
+[The pride of the Wylies deserts her.]
+
+MAGGIE. John, I make you a solemn promise that, in consideration of the
+circumstances of our marriage, if you should ever fall in love I’ll act
+differently from other wives.
+
+JOHN. There will be no occasion, Maggie.
+
+[Her voice becomes tremulous.]
+
+MAGGIE. John, David doesn’t have the document. He thinks he has, but I
+have it here.
+
+[Somewhat heavily JOHN surveys the fatal paper.]
+
+JOHN. Well do I mind the look of it, Maggie. Yes, yes, that’s it. Umpha.
+
+MAGGIE. You don’t ask why I’ve brought it.
+
+JOHN. Why did you?
+
+MAGGIE. Because I thought I might perhaps have the courage and the
+womanliness to give it back to you. [JOHN has a brief dream.] Will you
+never hold it up against me in the future that I couldn’t do that?
+
+JOHN. I promise you, Maggie, I never will.
+
+MAGGIE. To go back to The Pans and take up my old life there, when
+all these six years my eyes have been centred on this night! I’ve been
+waiting for this night as long as you have been; and now to go back
+there, and wizen and dry up, when I might be married to John Shand!
+
+JOHN. And you will be, Maggie. You have my word.
+
+MAGGIE. Never--never--never. [She tears up the document. He remains
+seated immovable, but the gleam returns to his eye. She rages first at
+herself and then at him.] I’m a fool, a fool, to let you go. I tell you,
+you’ll rue this day, for you need me, you’ll come to grief without me.
+There’s nobody can help you as I could have helped you. I’m essential to
+your career, and you’re blind not to see it.
+
+JOHN. What’s that, Maggie? In no circumstances would I allow any
+meddling with my career.
+
+MAGGIE. You would never have known I was meddling with it. But that’s
+over. Don’t be in too great a hurry to marry, John. Have your fling with
+the beautiful dolls first. Get the whiphand of the haughty ones, John.
+Give them their licks. Every time they hiccough let them have an extra
+slap in memory of me. And be sure to remember this, my man, that the one
+who marries you will find you out.
+
+JOHN. Find me out?
+
+MAGGIE. However careful a man is, his wife always finds out his
+failings.
+
+JOHN. I don’t know, Maggie, to what failings you refer.
+
+[The Cowcaddens Club has burst its walls, and is pouring this way to
+raise the new Member on its crest. The first wave hurls itself against
+the barber’s shop with cries of ‘Shand, Shand, Shand.’ For a moment,
+JOHN stems the torrent by planting his back against the door.]
+
+You are acting under an impulse, Maggie, and I can’t take advantage of
+it. Think the matter over, and we’ll speak about it in the morning.
+
+MAGGIE. No, I can’t go through it again. It ends to-night and now. Good
+luck, John.
+
+[She is immediately submerged in the sea that surges through the door,
+bringing much wreckage with it. In a moment the place is so full that
+another cupful could not find standing room. Some slippery ones are
+squeezed upwards and remain aloft as warnings. JOHN has jumped on to
+the stair, and harangues the flood vainly like another Canute. It is
+something about freedom and noble minds, and, though unheard, goes to
+all heads, including the speaker’s. By the time he is audible sentiment
+has him for her own.]
+
+JOHN. But, gentlemen, one may have too much even of freedom [No, no.]
+Yes, Mr. Adamson. One may want to be tied. [Never, never.] I say yes,
+Willie Cameron; and I have found a young lady who I am proud to say is
+willing to be tied to me. I’m to be married. [Uproar.] Her name’s Miss
+Wylie. [Transport.] Quiet; she’s here now. [Frenzy.] She was here!
+Where are you, Maggie? [A small voice--‘I’m here.’ A hundred great
+voices--‘Where--where--where?’ The small voice--‘I’m so little none of
+you can see me.’]
+
+[Three men, name of Wylie, buffet their way forward.]
+
+DAVID. James, father, have you grip of her?
+
+ALICK. We’ve got her.
+
+DAVID. Then hoist her up.
+
+[The queer little elated figure is raised aloft. With her fingers
+she can just touch the stars. Not unconscious of the nobility of his
+behaviour, the hero of the evening points an impressive finger at her.]
+
+JOHN. Gentlemen, the future Mrs. John Shand! [Cries of ‘Speech,
+speech!’] No, no, being a lady she can’t make a speech, but---
+
+[The heroine of the evening surprises him.]
+
+MAGGIE. I can make a speech, and I will make a speech, and it’s in two
+words, and they’re these [holding out her arms to enfold all the members
+of the Cowcaddens Club]--My Constituents! [Dementia.]
+
+
+
+
+ACT III
+
+[A few minutes ago the Comtesse de la Briere, who has not recently been
+in England, was shown into the London home of the Shands. Though not
+sufficiently interested to express her surprise in words, she raised her
+eyebrows on finding herself in a charming room; she has presumed that
+the Shand scheme of decoration would be as impossible as themselves.
+
+It is the little room behind the dining-room for which English
+architects have long been famous; ‘Make something of this, and you will
+indeed be a clever one,’ they seem to say to you as they unveil it. The
+Comtesse finds that John has undoubtedly made something of it. It is his
+‘study’ (mon Dieu, the words these English use!) and there is nothing
+in it that offends; there is so much not in it too that might so easily
+have been there. It is not in the least ornate; there are no colours
+quarrelling with each other (unseen, unheard by the blissful occupant of
+the revolving chair); the Comtesse has not even the gentle satisfaction
+of noting a ‘suite’ in stained oak. Nature might have taken a share in
+the decorations, so restful are they to the eyes; it is the working
+room of a man of culture, probably lately down from Oxford; at a first
+meeting there is nothing in it that pretends to be what it is not. Our
+visitor is a little disappointed, but being fair-minded blows her absent
+host a kiss for disappointing her.
+
+He has even, she observes with a twinkle, made something of the most
+difficult of his possessions, the little wife. For Maggie, who is here
+receiving her, has been quite creditably toned down. He has put her
+into a little grey frock that not only deals gently with her personal
+defects, but is in harmony with the room. Evidently, however, she has
+not ‘risen’ with him, for she is as ever; the Comtesse, who remembers
+having liked her the better of the two, could shake her for being so
+stupid. For instance, why is she not asserting herself in that other
+apartment?
+
+The other apartment is really a correctly solemn dining-room, of which
+we have a glimpse through partly open folding-doors. At this moment
+it is harbouring Mr. Shand’s ladies’ committee, who sit with pens and
+foolscap round the large table, awaiting the advent of their leader.
+There are nobly wise ones and some foolish ones among them, for we are
+back in the strange days when it was considered ‘unwomanly’ for women to
+have minds. The Comtesse peeps at them with curiosity, as they arrange
+their papers or are ushered into the dining-room through a door which we
+cannot see. To her frivolous ladyship they are a species of wild fowl,
+and she is specially amused to find her niece among them. She demands an
+explanation as soon as the communicating doors close.]
+
+COMTESSE. Tell me since when has my dear Sybil become one of these
+ladies? It is not like her.
+
+[MAGGIE is obviously not clever enough to understand the woman question.
+Her eye rests longingly on a half-finished stocking as she innocently
+but densely replies:]
+
+ MAGGIE. I think it was about the time that my husband took up their
+cause.
+
+[The COMTESSE has been hearing tales of LADY SYBIL and the barbarian;
+and after having the grace to hesitate, she speaks with the directness
+for which she is famed in Mayfair.]
+
+COMTESSE. Mrs. Shand, excuse me for saying that if half of what I
+hear be true, your husband is seeing that lady a great deal too often.
+[MAGGIE is expressionless; she reaches for her stocking, whereat her
+guest loses patience.] Oh, mon Dieu, put that down; you can buy them at
+two francs the pair. Mrs. Shand, why do not you compel yourself to take
+an intelligent interest in your husband’s work?
+
+MAGGIE. I typewrite his speeches.
+
+COMTESSE. But do you know what they are about?
+
+MAGGIE. They are about various subjects.
+
+COMTESSE. Oh!
+
+[Did MAGGIE give her an unseen quizzical glance before demurely
+resuming the knitting? One is not certain, as JOHN has come in, and
+this obliterates her. A ‘Scotsman on the make,’ of whom DAVID has spoken
+reverently, is still to be read--in a somewhat better bound volume--in
+JOHN SHAND’s person; but it is as doggedly honest a face as ever; and he
+champions women, not for personal ends, but because his blessed days
+of poverty gave him a light upon their needs. His self-satisfaction,
+however, has increased, and he has pleasantly forgotten some things.
+For instance, he can now call out ‘Porter’ at railway stations without
+dropping his hands for the barrow. MAGGIE introduces the COMTESSE, and
+he is still undaunted.]
+
+JOHN. I remember you well--at Glasgow.
+
+COMTESSE. It must be quite two years ago, Mr. Shand.
+
+[JOHN has no objection to showing that he has had a classical
+education.]
+
+JOHN. Tempus fugit, Comtesse.
+
+COMTESSE. I have not been much in this country since then, and I return
+to find you a coming man.
+
+[Fortunately his learning is tempered with modesty.]
+
+JOHN. Oh, I don’t know, I don’t know.
+
+COMTESSE. The Ladies’ Champion.
+
+[His modesty is tempered with a respect for truth.]
+
+JOHN. Well, well.
+
+COMTESSE. And you are about, as I understand, to introduce a bill to
+give women an equal right with men to grow beards [which is all she
+knows about it. He takes the remark literally.]
+
+JOHN. There’s nothing about beards in it, Comtesse. [She gives him time
+to cogitate, and is pleased to note that there is no result.] Have you
+typed my speech, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. Yes; twenty-six pages. [She produces it from a drawer.]
+
+[Perhaps JOHN wishes to impress the visitor.]
+
+JOHN. I’m to give the ladies’ committee a general idea of it. Just see,
+Maggie, if I know the peroration. ‘In conclusion, Mr. Speaker, these are
+the reasonable demands of every intelligent Englishwoman’--I had better
+say British woman--‘and I am proud to nail them to my flag’---
+
+[The visitor is properly impressed.]
+
+COMTESSE. Oho! defies his leaders!
+
+JOHN. ‘So long as I can do so without embarrassing the Government.’
+
+COMTESSE. Ah, ah, Mr. Shand!
+
+JOHN. ‘I call upon the Front Bench, sir, loyally but firmly’--
+
+COMTESSE. Firm again!
+
+JOHN. --‘either to accept my Bill, or to promise WITHOUT DELAY to bring
+in one of their own; and if they decline to do so I solemnly warn them
+that though I will not press the matter to a division just now’--
+
+COMTESSE. Ahem!
+
+JOHN. ‘I will bring it forward again in the near future.’ And now
+Comtesse, you know that I’m not going to divide--and not another soul
+knows it.
+
+COMTESSE. I am indeed flattered by your confidence.
+
+JOHN. I’ve only told you because I don’t care who knows now.
+
+COMTESSE. Oh!
+
+[Somehow MAGGIE seems to be dissatisfied.]
+
+MAGGIE. But why is that, John?
+
+JOHN. I daren’t keep the Government in doubt any longer about what I
+mean to do. I’ll show the whips the speech privately to-night.
+
+MAGGIE [who still wants to know]. But not to go to a division is
+hedging, isn’t it? Is that strong?
+
+JOHN. To make the speech at all, Maggie, is stronger than most would
+dare. They would do for me if I went to a division.
+
+MAGGIE. Bark but not bite?
+
+JOHN. Now, now, Maggie, you’re out of your depth.
+
+MAGGIE. I suppose that’s it.
+
+[The COMTESSE remains in the shallows.]
+
+COMTESSE. But what will the ladies say, Mr. Shand?
+
+JOHN. They won’t like it, Comtesse, but they’ve got to lump it.
+
+[Here the maid appears with a card for MAGGIE, who considers it
+quietly.]
+
+JOHN. Any one of importance?
+
+MAGGIE. No.
+
+JOHN. Then I’m ready, Maggie.
+
+[This is evidently an intimation that she is to open the folding-doors,
+and he makes an effective entrance into the dining-room, his thumb
+in his waistcoat. There is a delicious clapping of hands from the
+committee, and the door closes. Not till then does MAGGIE, who has grown
+thoughtful, tell her maid to admit the visitor.]
+
+COMTESSE. Another lady, Mrs. Shand?
+
+MAGGIE. The card says ‘Mr. Charles Venables.’
+
+[The COMTESSE is really interested at last.]
+
+COMTESSE. Charles Venables! Do you know him?
+
+MAGGIE. I think I call to mind meeting one of that name at the Foreign
+Office party.
+
+COMTESSE. One of that name! He who is a Minister of your Cabinet. But as
+you know him so little why should he call on you?
+
+MAGGIE. I wonder.
+
+[MAGGIE’s glance wanders to the drawer in which she has replaced JOHN’s
+speech.]
+
+COMTESSE. Well, well, I shall take care of you, petite.
+
+MAGGIE. Do you know him?
+
+COMTESSE. Do I know him! The last time I saw him he asked me
+to--to--hem!--ma cherie, it was thirty years ago.
+
+MAGGIE. Thirty years!
+
+COMTESSE. I was a pretty woman then. I dare say I shall detest him now;
+but if I find I do not--let us have a little plot--I shall drop this
+book; and then perhaps you will be so charming as--as not to be here for
+a little while?
+
+[MR. VENABLES, who enters, is such a courtly seigneur that he seems to
+bring the eighteenth century with him; you feel that his sedan chair is
+at the door. He stoops over MAGGIE’s plebeian hand.]
+
+VENABLES. I hope you will pardon my calling, Mrs. Shand; we had such a
+pleasant talk the other evening.
+
+[MAGGIE, of course, is at once deceived by his gracious manner.]
+
+MAGGIE. I think it’s kind of you. Do you know each other? The Comtesse
+de la Briere.
+
+[He repeats the name with some emotion, and the COMTESSE, half
+mischievously, half sadly, holds a hand before her face.]
+
+VENABLES. Comtesse.
+
+COMTESSE. Thirty years, Mr. Venables.
+
+[He gallantly removes the hand that screens her face.]
+
+VENABLES. It does not seem so much.
+
+[She gives him a similar scrutiny.]
+
+COMTESSE. Mon Dieu, it seems all that.
+
+[They smile rather ruefully. MAGGIE like a kind hostess relieves the
+tension.]
+
+MAGGIE. The Comtesse has taken a cottage in Surrey for the summer.
+
+VENABLES. I am overjoyed.
+
+COMTESSE. No, Charles, you are not. You no longer care. Fickle one! And
+it is only thirty years.
+
+[He sinks into a chair beside her.]
+
+VENABLES. Those heavenly evenings, Comtesse, on the Bosphorus.
+
+COMTESSE. I refuse to talk of them. I hate you.
+
+[But she drops the book, and MAGGIE fades from the room. It is not a
+very clever departure, and the old diplomatist smiles. Then he sighs a
+beautiful sigh, for he does all things beautifully.]
+
+VENABLES. It is moonlight, Comtesse, on the Golden Horn.
+
+COMTESSE. Who are those two young things in a caique?
+
+VENABLES. Is he the brave Leander, Comtesse, and is she Hero of the
+Lamp?
+
+COMTESSE. No, she is the foolish wife of the French Ambassador, and
+he is a good-for-nothing British attache trying to get her husband’s
+secrets out of her.
+
+VENABLES. Is it possible! They part at a certain garden gate.
+
+COMTESSE. Oh, Charles, Charles!
+
+VENABLES. But you promised to come back; I waited there till dawn.
+Blanche, if you HAD come back--
+
+COMTESSE. How is Mrs. Venables?
+
+VENABLES. She is rather poorly. I think it’s gout.
+
+COMTESSE. And you?
+
+VENABLES. I creak a little in the mornings.
+
+COMTESSE. So do I. There is such a good man at Wiesbaden.
+
+VENABLES. The Homburg fellow is better. The way he patched me up last
+summer--Oh, Lord, Lord!
+
+COMTESSE. Yes, Charles, the game is up; we are two old fogies. [They
+groan in unison; then she raps him sharply on the knuckles.] Tell me,
+sir, what are you doing here?
+
+VENABLES. Merely a friendly call.
+
+COMTESSE. I do not believe it.
+
+VENABLES. The same woman; the old delightful candour.
+
+COMTESSE. The same man; the old fibs. [She sees that the door is asking
+a question.] Yes, come, Mrs. Shand, I have had quite enough of him; I
+warn you he is here for some crafty purpose.
+
+MAGGIE [drawing back timidly]. Surely not?
+
+VENABLES. Really, Comtesse, you make conversation difficult. To show
+that my intentions are innocent, Mrs. Shand, I propose that you choose
+the subject.
+
+MAGGIE [relieved]. There, Comtesse.
+
+VENABLES. I hope your husband is well?
+
+MAGGIE. Yes, thank you. [With a happy thought] I decide that we talk
+about him.
+
+VENABLES. If you wish it.
+
+COMTESSE. Be careful; HE has chosen the subject.
+
+MAGGIE. _I_ chose it, didn’t I?
+
+VENABLES. You know you did.
+
+MAGGIE [appealingly]. You admire John?
+
+VENABLES. Very much. But he puzzles me a little. You Scots, Mrs. Shand,
+are such a mixture of the practical and the emotional that you escape
+out of an Englishman’s hand like a trout.
+
+MAGGIE [open-eyed]. Do we?
+
+VENABLES. Well, not you, but your husband. I have known few men make
+a worse beginning in the House. He had the most atrocious bow-wow
+public-park manner---
+
+COMTESSE. I remember that manner!
+
+MAGGIE. No, he hadn’t.
+
+VENABLES [soothingly]. At first. But by his second session he had shed
+all that, and he is now a pleasure to listen to. By the way, Comtesse,
+have you found any dark intention in that?
+
+COMTESSE. You wanted to know whether he talks over these matter with his
+wife; and she has told you that he does not.
+
+MAGGIE [indignantly]. I haven’t said a word about it, have I?
+
+VENABLES. Not a word. Then, again, I admire him for his impromptu
+speeches.
+
+MAGGIE. What is impromptu?
+
+VENABLES. Unprepared. They have contained some grave blunders not so
+much of judgment as of taste---
+
+MAGGIE [hotly]. _I_ don’t think so.
+
+VENABLES. Pardon me. But he has righted himself subsequently in the
+neatest way. I have always found that the man whose second thoughts are
+good is worth watching. Well, Comtesse, I see you have something to say.
+
+COMTESSE. You are wondering whether she can tell you who gives him his
+second thoughts.
+
+MAGGIE. Gives them to John? I would like to see anybody try to give
+thoughts to John.
+
+VENABLES. Quite so.
+
+COMTESSE. Is there anything more that has roused your admiration
+Charles?
+
+VENABLES [purring]. Let me see. Yes, we are all much edified by his
+humour.
+
+COMTESSE [surprised indeed]. His humour? That man!
+
+MAGGIE [with hauteur]. Why not?
+
+VENABLES. I assure you, Comtesse, some of the neat things in
+his speeches convulse the house. A word has even been coined for
+them--Shandisms.
+
+COMTESSE [slowly recovering from a blow]. Humour!
+
+VENABLES. In conversation, I admit, he strikes one as
+being--ah--somewhat lacking in humour.
+
+COMTESSE [pouncing]. You are wondering who supplies his speeches with
+the humour.
+
+MAGGIE. Supplies John?
+
+VENABLES. Now that you mention it, some of his Shandisms do have a
+curiously feminine quality.
+
+COMTESSE. You have thought it might be a woman.
+
+VENABLES. Really, Comtesse--
+
+COMTESSE. I see it all. Charles, you thought it might be the wife!
+
+VENABLES [flinging up his hands]. I own up.
+
+MAGGIE [bewildered]. Me?
+
+VENABLES. Forgive me, I see I was wrong.
+
+MAGGIE [alarmed]. Have I been doing John any harm?
+
+VENABLES. On the contrary, I am relieved to know that there are no
+hairpins in his speeches. If he is at home, Mrs. Shand, may I see him? I
+am going to be rather charming to him.
+
+MAGGIE [drawn in two directions]. Yes, he is--oh yes--but--
+
+VENABLES. That is to say, Comtesse, if he proves himself the man I
+believe him to be.
+
+[This arrests MAGGIE almost as she has reached the dining-room door.]
+
+MAGGIE [hesitating]. He is very busy just now.
+
+VENABLES [smiling]. I think he will see me.
+
+MAGGIE. Is it something about his speech?
+
+VENABLES [the smile hardening]. Well, yes, it is.
+
+MAGGIE. Then I dare say I could tell you what you want to know without
+troubling him, as I’ve been typing it.
+
+VENABLES [with a sigh]. I don’t acquire information in that way.
+
+COMTESSE. I trust not.
+
+MAGGIE. There’s no secret about it. He is to show it to the whips
+tonight.
+
+VENABLES [sharply]. You are sure of that?
+
+COMTESSE. It is quite true, Charles. I heard him say so; and indeed he
+repeated what he called the ‘peroration’ before me.
+
+MAGGIE. I know it by heart. [She plays a bold game.] ‘These are the
+demands of all intelligent British women, and I am proud to nail them to
+my flag’--
+
+COMTESSE. The very words, Mrs. Shand.
+
+MAGGIE [looking at her imploringly]. ‘And I don’t care how they may
+embarrass the Government.’ [The COMTESSE is bereft of speech, so
+suddenly has she been introduced to the real MAGGIE SHAND]. ‘If the
+right honourable gentleman will give us his pledge to introduce a
+similar Bill this session I will willingly withdraw mine; but otherwise
+I solemnly warn him that I will press the matter now to a division.’
+
+[She turns her face from the great man; she has gone white.]
+
+VENABLES [after a pause]. Capital.
+
+[The blood returns to MAGGIE’s heart.]
+
+COMTESSE [who is beginning to enjoy herself very much]. Then you are
+pleased to know that he means to, as you say, go to a division?
+
+VENABLES. Delighted. The courage of it will be the making of him.
+
+COMTESSE. I see.
+
+VENABLES. Had he been to hedge we should have known that he was a
+pasteboard knight and have disregarded him.
+
+COMTESSE. I see.
+
+[She desires to catch the eye of MAGGIE, but it is carefully turned from
+her.]
+
+VENABLES. Mrs. Shand, let us have him in at once.
+
+COMTESSE. Yes, yes, indeed.
+
+[MAGGIE’s anxiety returns, but she has to call JOHN in.]
+
+JOHN [impressed]. Mr. Venables! This is an honour.
+
+VENABLES. How are you, Shand?
+
+JOHN. Sit down, sit down. [Becoming himself again.] I can guess what you
+have come about.
+
+VENABLES. Ah, you Scotsmen.
+
+JOHN. Of course I know I’m harassing the Government a good deal--
+
+VENABLES [blandly]. Not at all, Shand. The Government are very pleased.
+
+JOHN. You don’t expect me to believe that?
+
+VENABLES. I called here to give you the proof of it. You may know that
+we are to have a big meeting at Leeds on the 24th, when two Ministers
+are to speak. There is room for a third speaker, and I am authorised to
+offer that place to you.
+
+JOHN. To me!
+
+VENABLES. Yes.
+
+JOHN [swelling]. It would be--the Government taking me up.
+
+VENABLES. Don’t make too much of it; it would be an acknowledgment that
+they look upon you as one of their likely young men.
+
+MAGGIE. John!
+
+JOHN [not found wanting in a trying hour]. It’s a bribe. You are
+offering me this on condition that I don’t make my speech. How can you
+think so meanly of me as to believe that I would play the women’s cause
+false for the sake of my own advancement. I refuse your bribe.
+
+VENABLES [liking him for the first time]. Good. But you are wrong.
+There are no conditions, and we want you to make your speech. Now do you
+accept?
+
+JOHN [still suspicious]. If you make me the same offer after you have
+read it. I insist on your reading it first.
+
+VENABLES [sighing]. By all means.
+
+[MAGGIE is in an agony as she sees JOHN hand the speech to his leader.
+On the other hand, the COMTESSE thrills.]
+
+But I assure you we look on the speech as a small matter. The important
+thing is your intention of going to a division; and we agree to that
+also.
+
+JOHN [losing his head]. What’s that?
+
+VENABLES. Yes, we agree.
+
+JOHN. But--but--why, you have been threatening to excommunicate me if I
+dared.
+
+VENABLES. All done to test you, Shand.
+
+JOHN. To test me?
+
+VENABLES. We know that a division on your Bill can have no serious
+significance; we shall see to that. And so the test was to be whether
+you had the pluck to divide the House. Had you been intending to talk
+big in this speech, and then hedge, through fear of the Government, they
+would have had no further use for you.
+
+JOHN [heavily]. I understand. [But there is one thing he cannot
+understand, which is, why VENABLES should be so sure that he is not to
+hedge.]
+
+VENABLES [turning over the pages carelessly]. Any of your good things in
+this, Shand?
+
+JOHN [whose one desire is to get the pages back]. No, I--no--it isn’t
+necessary you should read it now.
+
+VENABLES [from politeness only]. Merely for my own pleasure. I shall
+look through it this evening. [He rolls up the speech to put it in his
+pocket. JOHN turns despairingly to MAGGIE, though well aware that no
+help can come from her.]
+
+MAGGIE. That’s the only copy there is, John. [To VENABLES] Let me make a
+fresh one, and send it to you in an hour or two.
+
+VENABLES [good-naturedly]. I could not put you to that trouble, Mrs.
+Shand. I will take good care of it.
+
+MAGGIE. If anything were to happen to you on the way home, wouldn’t
+whatever is in your pocket be considered to be the property of your
+heirs?
+
+VENABLES [laughing]. Now there is forethought! Shand, I think that
+after that--! [He returns the speech to JOHN, whose hand swallows it
+greedily.] She is Scotch too, Comtesse.
+
+COMTESSE [delighted]. Yes, she is Scotch too.
+
+VENABLES. Though the only persons likely to do for me in the street,
+Shand, are your ladies’ committee. Ever since they took the horse out of
+my brougham, I can scent them a mile away.
+
+COMTESSE. A mile? Charles, peep in there.
+
+[He softly turns the handle of the dining-room door, and realises that
+his scent is not so good as he had thought it. He bids his hostess and
+the COMTESSE good-bye in a burlesque whisper and tiptoes off to safer
+places. JOHN having gone out with him, MAGGIE can no longer avoid the
+COMTESSE’s reproachful eye. That much injured lady advances upon her
+with accusing finger.]
+
+COMTESSE. So, madam!
+
+[MAGGIE is prepared for her.]
+
+MAGGIE. I don’t know what you mean.
+
+COMTESSE. Yes, you do. I mean that there IS some one who ‘helps’ our Mr.
+Shand.
+
+MAGGIE. There’s not.
+
+COMTESSE. And it IS a woman, and it’s you.
+
+MAGGIE. I help in the little things.
+
+COMTESSE. The little things! You are the Pin he picked up and that is
+to make his fortune. And now what I want to know is whether your John is
+aware that you help at all.
+
+[JOHN returns, and at once provides the answer.]
+
+JOHN. Maggie, Comtesse, I’ve done it again!
+
+MAGGIE. I’m so glad, John.
+
+[The COMTESSE is in an ecstasy.]
+
+COMTESSE. And all because you were not to hedge, Mr. Shand.
+
+[His appeal to her with the wistfulness of a schoolboy makes him rather
+attractive.]
+
+JOHN. You won’t tell on me, Comtesse! [He thinks it out.] They had just
+guessed I would be firm because they know I’m a strong man. You little
+saw, Maggie, what a good turn you were doing me when you said you wanted
+to make another copy of the speech.
+
+[She is dense.]
+
+MAGGIE. How, John?
+
+JOHN. Because now I can alter the end.
+
+[She is enlightened.]
+
+MAGGIE. So you can!
+
+JOHN. Here’s another lucky thing, Maggie: I hadn’t told the ladies’
+committee that I was to hedge, and so they need never know. Comtesse, I
+tell you there’s a little cherub who sits up aloft and looks after the
+career of John Shand.
+
+[The COMTESSE looks not aloft but toward the chair at present occupied
+by MAGGIE.]
+
+COMTESSE. Where does she sit, Mr. Shand?
+
+[He knows that women are not well read.]
+
+JOHN. It’s just a figure of speech.
+
+[He returns airily to his committee room; and now again you may hear
+the click of MAGGIE’s needles. They no longer annoy the COMTESSE; she is
+setting them to music.]
+
+COMTESSE. It is not down here she sits, Mrs. Shand, knitting a stocking.
+
+MAGGIE. No, it isn’t.
+
+COMTESSE. And when I came in I gave him credit for everything; even for
+the prettiness of the room!
+
+MAGGIE. He has beautiful taste.
+
+COMTESSE. Good-bye, Scotchy.
+
+MAGGIE. Good-bye, Comtesse, and thank you for coming.
+
+COMTESSE. Good-bye--Miss Pin.
+
+[MAGGIE rings genteelly.]
+
+MAGGIE. Good-bye.
+
+[The COMTESSE is now lost in admiration of her.]
+
+COMTESSE. You divine little wife. He can’t be worthy of it, no man could
+be worthy of it. Why do you do it?
+
+[MAGGIE shivers a little.]
+
+MAGGIE. He loves to think he does it all himself; that’s the way of
+men. I’m six years older than he is. I’m plain, and I have no charm. I
+shouldn’t have let him marry me. I’m trying to make up for it.
+
+[The COMTESSE kisses her and goes away. MAGGIE, somewhat foolishly,
+resumes her knitting.]
+
+[Some days later this same room is listening--with the same
+inattention--to the outpouring of JOHN SHAND’s love for the lady of the
+hiccoughs. We arrive--by arrangement--rather late; and thus we miss some
+of the most delightful of the pangs.
+
+One can see that these two are playing no game, or, if they are, that
+they little know it. The wonders of the world [so strange are the
+instruments chosen by Love] have been revealed to JOHN in hiccoughs; he
+shakes in SYBIL’s presence; never were more swimming eyes; he who has
+been of a wooden face till now, with ways to match, has gone on flame
+like a piece of paper; emotion is in flood in him. We may be almost fond
+of JOHN for being so worshipful of love. Much has come to him that we
+had almost despaired of his acquiring, including nearly all the divine
+attributes except that sense of humour. The beautiful SYBIL has always
+possessed but little of it also, and what she had has been struck from
+her by Cupid’s flail. Naked of the saving grace, they face each other in
+awful rapture.]
+
+JOHN. In a room, Sybil, I go to you as a cold man to a fire. You fill me
+like a peal of bells in an empty house.
+
+[She is being brutally treated by the dear impediment, for which
+hiccough is such an inadequate name that even to spell it is an
+abomination though a sign of ability. How to describe a sound that is
+noiseless? Let us put it thus, that when SYBIL wants to say something
+very much there are little obstacles in her way; she falters, falls
+perhaps once, and then is over, the while her appealing orbs beg you
+not to be angry with her. We may express those sweet pauses in precious
+dots, which some clever person can afterwards string together and make a
+pearl necklace of them.]
+
+SYBIL. I should not ... let you say it, ... but ... you ... say it so
+beautifully.
+
+JOHN. You must have guessed.
+
+SYBIL. I dreamed ... I feared ... but you were ... Scotch, and I didn’t
+know what to think.
+
+JOHN. Do you know what first attracted me to you, Sybil? It was your
+insolence. I thought, ‘I’ll break her insolence for her.’
+
+SYBIL. And I thought... ‘I’ll break his str...ength!’
+
+JOHN. And now your cooing voice plays round me; the softness of you,
+Sybil, in your pretty clothes makes me think of young birds. [The
+impediment is now insurmountable; she has to swim for it, she swims
+toward him.] It is you who inspire my work.
+
+[He thrills to find that she can be touched without breaking.]
+
+SYBIL. I am so glad... so proud...
+
+JOHN. And others know it, Sybil, as well as I. Only yesterday the
+Comtesse said to me, ‘No man could get on so fast unaided. Cherchez la
+femme, Mr. Shand.’
+
+SYBIL. Auntie said that?
+
+JOHN. I said ‘Find her yourself, Comtesse.’
+
+SYBIL. And she?
+
+JOHN. She said ‘I have found her,’ and I said in my blunt way, ‘You mean
+Lady Sybil,’ and she went away laughing.
+
+SYBIL. Laughing?
+
+JOHN. I seem to amuse the woman.
+
+[Sybil grows sad.]
+
+SYBIL. If Mrs. Shand--It is so cruel to her. Whom did you say she had
+gone to the station to meet?
+
+JOHN. Her father and brothers.
+
+SYBIL. It is so cruel to them. We must think no more of this. It is
+mad... ness.
+
+JOHN. It’s fate. Sybil, let us declare our love openly.
+
+SYBIL. You can’t ask that, now in the first moment that you tell me of
+it.
+
+JOHN. The one thing I won’t do even for you is to live a life of
+underhand.
+
+SYBIL. The... blow to her.
+
+JOHN. Yes. But at least she has always known that I never loved her.
+
+SYBIL. It is asking me to give... up everything, every one, for you.
+
+JOHN. It’s too much.
+
+[JOHN is humble at last.]
+
+SYBIL. To a woman who truly loves, even that is not too much. Oh! it is
+not I who matter--it is you.
+
+JOHN. My dear, my dear.
+
+SYBIL. So gladly would I do it to save you; but, oh, if it were to bring
+you down!
+
+JOHN. Nothing can keep me down if I have you to help me.
+
+SYBIL. I am dazed, John, I...
+
+JOHN. My love, my love.
+
+SYBIL. I... oh... here...
+
+JOHN. Be brave, Sybil, be brave.
+
+SYBIL. ..........
+
+[In this bewilderment of pearls she melts into his arms. MAGGIE happens
+to open the door just then; but neither fond heart hears her.]
+
+JOHN. I can’t walk along the streets, Sybil, without looking in all the
+shop windows for what I think would become you best. [As awkwardly as
+though his heart still beat against corduroy, he takes from his pocket
+a pendant and its chain. He is shy, and she drops pearls over the beauty
+of the ruby which is its only stone.] It is a drop of my blood, Sybil.
+
+[Her lovely neck is outstretched, and he puts the chain round it. MAGGIE
+withdraws as silently as she had come; but perhaps the door whispered
+‘d--n’ as it closed, for SYBIL wakes out of Paradise.]
+
+SYBIL. I thought---Did the door shut?
+
+JOHN. It was shut already.
+
+[Perhaps it is only that SYBIL is bewildered to find herself once again
+in a world that has doors.]
+
+SYBIL. It seemed to me---
+
+JOHN. There was nothing. But I think I hear voices; they may have
+arrived.
+
+[Some pretty instinct makes SYBIL go farther from him. MAGGIE kindly
+gives her time for this by speaking before opening the door.]
+
+MAGGIE. That will do perfectly, David. The maid knows where to put them.
+[She comes in.] They’ve come, John; they WOULD help with the luggage.
+[JOHN goes out. MAGGIE is agreeably surprised to find a visitor.] How do
+you do, Lady Sybil? This is nice of you.
+
+SYBIL. I was so sorry not to find you in, Mrs. Shand.
+
+[The impediment has run away. It is only for those who love it.]
+
+MAGGIE. Thank you. You’ll sit down?
+
+SYBIL. I think not; your relatives---
+
+MAGGIE. They will be so proud to see that you are my friend.
+
+[If MAGGIE were less simple her guest would feel more comfortable. She
+tries to make conversation.]
+
+SYBIL. It is their first visit to London?
+
+[Instead of relieving her anxiety on this point, MAGGIE has a long look
+at the gorgeous armful.]
+
+MAGGIE. I’m glad you are so beautiful, Lady Sybil.
+
+[The beautiful one is somehow not flattered. She pursues her
+investigations with growing uneasiness.]
+
+SYBIL. One of them is married now, isn’t he? [Still there is no answer;
+MAGGIE continues looking at her, and shivers slightly.] Have they
+travelled from Scotland to-day? Mrs. Shand, why do you look at me so?
+The door did open! [MAGGIE nods.] What are you to do?
+
+MAGGIE. That would be telling. Sit down, my pretty.
+
+[As SYBIL subsides into what the Wylies with one glance would call the
+best chair, MAGGIE’s men-folk are brought in by JOHN, all carrying silk
+hats and looking very active after their long rest in the train. They
+are gazing about them. They would like this lady, they would like JOHN,
+they would even like MAGGIE to go away for a little and leave them to
+examine the room. Is that linen on the walls, for instance, or just
+paper? Is the carpet as thick as it feels, or is there brown paper
+beneath it? Had MAGGIE got anything off that bookcase on account of the
+worm-hole? DAVID even discovers that we were simpletons when we said
+there was nothing in the room that pretended to be what it was not. He
+taps the marble mantelpiece, and is favourably impressed by the tinny
+sound.]
+
+DAVID. Very fine imitation. It’s a capital house, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. I’m so glad you like it. Do you know one another? This is my
+father and my brothers, Lady Sybil.
+
+[The lovely form inclines towards them. ALICK and DAVID remain firm on
+their legs, but JAMES totters.]
+
+JAMES. A ladyship! Well done, Maggie.
+
+ALICK [sharply]. James! I remember you, my lady.
+
+MAGGIE. Sit down, father. This is the study.
+
+[JAMES wanders round it inquisitively until called to order.]
+
+SYBIL. You must be tired after your long journey.
+
+DAVID [drawing the portraits of himself and partners in one lightning
+sketch]. Tired, your ladyship? We sat on cushioned seats the whole way.
+
+JAMES [looking about him for the chair you sit on]. Every seat in this
+room is cushioned.
+
+MAGGIE. You may say all my life is cushioned now, James, by this dear
+man of mine.
+
+[She gives JOHN’S shoulder a loving pressure, which SYBIL feels is a
+telegraphic communication to herself in a cypher that she cannot read.
+ALICK and the BROTHERS bask in the evidence of MAGGIE’s happiness.]
+
+JOHN [uncomfortably]. And is Elizabeth hearty, James?
+
+JAMES [looking down his nose in the manner proper to young husbands when
+addressed about their wives]. She’s very well, I thank you kindly.
+
+MAGGIE. James is a married man now, Lady Sybil.
+
+[SYBIL murmurs her congratulations.]
+
+JAMES. I thank you kindly. [Courageously] Yes, I’m married. [He looks at
+DAVID and ALICK to see if they are smiling; and they are.] It wasn’t a
+case of being catched; it was entirely of my own free will. [He looks
+again; and the mean fellows are smiling still.] Is your ladyship
+married?
+
+SYBIL. Alas! no.
+
+DAVID. James! [Politely.] You will be yet, my lady.
+
+[SYBIL indicates that he is kind indeed.]
+
+JOHN. Perhaps they would like you to show them their rooms, Maggie?
+
+DAVID. Fine would we like to see all the house as well as the sleeping
+accommodation. But first--[He gives his father the look with which
+chairmen call on the next speaker.]
+
+ALICK. I take you, David. [He produces a paper parcel from a roomy
+pocket.] It wasn’t likely, Mr. Shand, that we should forget the day.
+
+JOHN. The day?
+
+DAVID. The second anniversary of your marriage. We came purposely for
+the day.
+
+JAMES [his fingers itching to take the parcel from his father]. It’s a
+lace shawl, Maggie, from the three of us, a pure Tobermory; you would
+never dare wear it if you knew the cost.
+
+[The shawl in its beauty is revealed, and MAGGIE hails it with little
+cries of joy. She rushes at the donors and kisses each of them just as
+if she were a pretty woman. They are much pleased and give expression to
+their pleasure in a not very dissimilar manner.]
+
+ALICK. Havers.
+
+DAVID. Havers.
+
+JAMES. Havers.
+
+JOHN. It’s a very fine shawl.
+
+[He should not have spoken, for he has set JAMES’S volatile mind
+working.]
+
+JAMES. You may say so. What did you give her, Mr. Shand?
+
+JOHN [suddenly deserted by God and man]. Me?
+
+ALICK. Yes, yes, let’s see it.
+
+JOHN. Oh--I--
+
+[He is not deserted by MAGGIE, but she can think of no way out.]
+
+SYBIL [prompted by the impediment, which is in hiding, quite close]. Did
+he ... forget?
+
+[There is more than a touch of malice in the question. It is a
+challenge, and the Wylies as a family are almost too quick to accept a
+challenge.]
+
+MAGGIE [lifting the gage of battle]. John forget? Never! It’s a pendant,
+father.
+
+[The impediment bolts. JOHN rises.]
+
+ALICK. A pendant? One of those things on a chain?
+
+[He grins, remembering how once, about sixty years ago, he and a lady
+and a pendant--but we have no time for this.]
+
+MAGGIE. Yes.
+
+DAVID [who has felt the note of antagonism and is troubled]. You were
+slow in speaking of it, Mr. Shand.
+
+MAGGIE [This is her fight.] He was shy, because he thought you might
+blame him for extravagance.
+
+DAVID [relieved]. Oh, that’s it.
+
+JAMES [licking his lips]. Let’s see it.
+
+MAGGIE [a daughter of the devil]. Where did you put it, John?
+
+[JOHN’s mouth opens but has nothing to contribute.]
+
+SYBIL [the impediment has stolen back again]. Perhaps it has been ...
+mislaid.
+
+[The BROTHERS echo the word incredulously.]
+
+MAGGIE. Not it. I can’t think where we laid it down, John. It’s not on
+that table, is it, James? [The Wylies turn to look, and MAGGIE’s hand
+goes out to LADY SYBIL: JOHN SHAND, witness. It is a very determined
+hand, and presently a pendant is placed in it.] Here it is! [ALICK and
+the BROTHERS cluster round it, weigh it and appraise it.]
+
+ALICK. Preserve me. Is that stone real, Mr. Shand?
+
+JOHN [who has begun to look his grimmest]. Yes.
+
+MAGGIE [who is now ready, if he wishes it, to take him on too]. John
+says it’s a drop of his blood.
+
+JOHN [wishing it]. And so it is.
+
+DAVID. Well said, Mr. Shand.
+
+MAGGIE [scared]. And now, if you’ll come with me, I think John has
+something he wants to talk over with Lady Sybil. [Recovering and taking
+him on.] Or would you prefer, John, to say it before us all?
+
+SYBIL [gasping]. No!
+
+JOHN [flinging back his head]. Yes, I prefer to say it before you all.
+
+MAGGIE [flinging back hers]. Then sit down again.
+
+[The WYLIES wonderingly obey.]
+
+SYBIL. Mr. Shand, Mr. Shand!--
+
+JOHN. Maggie knows, and it was only for her I was troubled. Do you think
+I’m afraid of them? [With mighty relief] Now we can be open.
+
+DAVID [lowering]. What is it? What’s wrong, John Shand?
+
+JOHN [facing him squarely]. It was to Lady Sybil I gave the pendant,
+and all my love with it. [Perhaps JAMES utters a cry, but the silence of
+ALICK and DAVID is more terrible.]
+
+SYBIL [whose voice is smaller than we had thought]. What are you to do?
+
+[It is to MAGGIE she is speaking.]
+
+DAVID. She’ll leave it for us to do.
+
+JOHN. That’s what I want.
+
+[The lords of creation look at the ladies.]
+
+MAGGIE [interpreting]. You and I are expected to retire, Lady Sybil,
+while the men decide our fate. [SYBIL is ready to obey the law, but
+MAGGIE remains seated.] Man’s the oak, woman’s the ivy. Which of us is
+it that’s to cling to you, John?
+
+[With three stalwarts glaring at him, JOHN rather grandly takes SYBIL’S
+hand. They are two against the world.]
+
+SYBIL [a heroine]. I hesitated, but I am afraid no longer; whatever he
+asks of me I will do.
+
+[Evidently the first thing he asks of her is to await him in the
+dining-room.]
+
+It will mean surrendering everything for him. I am glad it means all
+that. [She passes into the dining-room looking as pretty as a kiss.]
+
+MAGGIE. So that settles it.
+
+ALICK. I’m thinking that doesn’t settle it.
+
+DAVID. No, by God! [But his love for MAGGIE steadies him. There is even
+a note of entreaty in his voice.] Have you nothing to say to her, man?
+
+JOHN. I have things to say to her, but not before you.
+
+DAVID [sternly]. Go away, Maggie. Leave him to us.
+
+JAMES [who thinks it is about time that he said something]. Yes, leave
+him to us.
+
+MAGGIE. No, David, I want to hear what is to become of me; I promise not
+to take any side.
+
+[And sitting by the fire she resumes her knitting. The four regard her
+as on an evening at The Pans a good many years ago.]
+
+DAVID [barking]. How long has this been going on?
+
+JOHN. If you mean how long has that lady been the apple of my eye, I’m
+not sure; but I never told her of it until today.
+
+MAGGIE [thoughtfully and without dropping a stitch]. I think it wasn’t
+till about six months ago, John, that she began to be very dear to you.
+At first you liked to bring in her name when talking to me, so that I
+could tell you of any little things I might have heard she was doing.
+But afterwards, as she became more and more to you, you avoided
+mentioning her name.
+
+JOHN [surprised]. Did you notice that?
+
+MAGGIE [in her old-fashioned way]. Yes.
+
+JOHN. I tried to be done with it for your sake. I’ve often had a sore
+heart for you, Maggie.
+
+JAMES. You’re proving it!
+
+MAGGIE. Yes, James, he had. I’ve often seen him looking at me very
+sorrowfully of late because of what was in his mind; and many a kindly
+little thing he has done for me that he didn’t use to do.
+
+JOHN. You noticed that too!
+
+MAGGIE. Yes.
+
+DAVID [controlling himself]. Well, we won’t go into that; the thing to
+be thankful for is that it’s ended.
+
+ALICK [who is looking very old]. Yes, yes, that’s the great thing.
+
+JOHN. All useless, sir, it’s not ended; it’s to go on.
+
+DAVID. There’s a devil in you, John Shand.
+
+JOHN [who is an unhappy man just now]. I dare say there is. But do you
+think he had a walk over, Mr. David?
+
+JAMES. Man, I could knock you down!
+
+MAGGIE. There’s not one of you could knock John down.
+
+DAVID [exasperated]. Quiet, Maggie. One would think you were taking his
+part.
+
+MAGGIE. Do you expect me to desert him at the very moment that he needs
+me most?
+
+DAVID. It’s him that’s deserting you.
+
+JOHN. Yes, Maggie, that’s what it is.
+
+ALICK. Where’s your marriage vow? And your church attendances?
+
+JAMES [with terrible irony]. And your prize for moral philosophy?
+
+JOHN [recklessly]. All gone whistling down the wind.
+
+DAVID. I suppose you understand that you’ll have to resign your seat.
+
+JOHN [his underlip much in evidence]. There are hundreds of seats, but
+there’s only one John Shand.
+
+MAGGIE [but we don’t hear her]. That’s how I like to hear him speak.
+
+DAVID [the ablest person in the room]. Think, man, I’m old by you, and
+for long I’ve had a pride in you. It will be beginning the world again
+with more against you than there was eight years ago.
+
+JOHN. I have a better head to begin it with than I had eight years ago.
+
+ALICK [hoping this will bite]. She’ll have her own money, David!
+
+JOHN. She’s as poor as a mouse.
+
+JAMES [thinking possibly of his Elizabeth’s mother]. We’ll go to her
+friends, and tell them all. They’ll stop it.
+
+JOHN. She’s of age.
+
+JAMES. They’ll take her far away.
+
+JOHN. I’ll follow, and tear her from them.
+
+ALICK. Your career---
+
+JOHN [to his credit]. To hell with my career. Do you think I don’t
+know I’m on the rocks? What can you, or you, or you, understand of the
+passions of a man! I’ve fought, and I’ve given in. When a ship founders,
+as I suppose I’m foundering, it’s not a thing to yelp at. Peace, all of
+you. [He strides into the dining-room, where we see him at times pacing
+the floor.]
+
+DAVID [to JAMES, who gives signs of a desire to take off his coat]. Let
+him be. We can’t budge him. [With bitter wisdom] It’s true what he says,
+true at any rate about me. What do I know of the passions of a man! I’m
+up against something I don’t understand.
+
+ALICK. It’s something wicked.
+
+DAVID. I dare say it is, but it’s something big.
+
+JAMES. It’s that damned charm.
+
+MAGGIE [still by the fire]. That’s it. What was it that made you fancy
+Elizabeth, James?
+
+JAMES [sheepishly]. I can scarcely say.
+
+MAGGIE. It was her charm.
+
+DAVID. HER charm!
+
+JAMES [pugnaciously]. Yes, HER charm.
+
+MAGGIE. She had charm for James.
+
+[This somehow breaks them up. MAGGIE goes from one to another with an
+odd little smile flickering on her face.]
+
+DAVID. Put on your things, Maggie, and we’ll leave his house.
+
+MAGGIE [patting his kind head]. Not me, David.
+
+[This is a MAGGIE they have known but forgotten; all three brighten.]
+
+DAVID. You haven’t given in!
+
+[The smile flickers and expires.]
+
+MAGGIE. I want you all to go upstairs, and let me have my try now.
+
+JAMES. Your try?
+
+ALICK. Maggie, you put new life into me.
+
+JAMES. And into me.
+
+[DAVID says nothing; the way he grips her shoulder says it for him.]
+
+MAGGIE. I’ll save him, David, if I can.
+
+DAVID. Does he deserve to be saved after the way he has treated you?
+
+MAGGIE. You stupid David. What has that to do with it.
+
+[When they have gone, JOHN comes to the door of the dining-room. There
+is welling up in him a great pity for MAGGIE, but it has to subside a
+little when he sees that the knitting is still in her hand. No man likes
+to be so soon supplanted. SYBIL follows, and the two of them gaze at the
+active needles.]
+
+MAGGIE [perceiving that she has visitors]. Come in, John. Sit down, Lady
+Sybil, and make yourself comfortable. I’m afraid we’ve put you about.
+
+[She is, after all, only a few years older than they and scarcely looks
+her age; yet it must have been in some such way as this that the little
+old woman who lived in a shoe addressed her numerous progeny.]
+
+JOHN. I’m mortal sorry, Maggie.
+
+SYBIL [who would be more courageous if she could hold his hand]. And I
+also.
+
+MAGGIE [soothingly]. I’m sure you are. But as it can’t be helped I see
+no reason why we three shouldn’t talk the matter over in a practical
+way.
+
+[SYBIL looks doubtful, but JOHN hangs on desperately to the word
+practical.]
+
+JOHN. If you could understand, Maggie, what an inspiration she is to me
+and my work.
+
+SYBIL. Indeed, Mrs. Shand, I think of nothing else.
+
+MAGGIE. That’s fine. That’s as it should be.
+
+SYBIL [talking too much]. Mrs. Shand, I think you are very kind to take
+it so reasonably.
+
+MAGGIE. That’s the Scotch way. When were you thinking of leaving me,
+John?
+
+[Perhaps this is the Scotch way also; but SYBIL is English, and from the
+manner in which she starts you would say that something has fallen on
+her toes.]
+
+JOHN [who has heard nothing fall]. I think, now that it has come to
+a breach, the sooner the better. [His tone becomes that of JAMES when
+asked after the health of his wife.] When it is convenient to you,
+Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE [making a rapid calculation]. It couldn’t well be before
+Wednesday. That’s the day the laundry comes home.
+
+[SYBIL has to draw in her toes again.]
+
+JOHN. And it’s the day the House rises. [Stifling a groan] It may be my
+last appearance in the House.
+
+SYBIL [her arms yearning for him]. No, no, please don’t say that.
+
+MAGGIE [surveying him sympathetically]. You love the House, don’t you,
+John, next to her? It’s a pity you can’t wait till after your speech at
+Leeds. Mr. Venables won’t let you speak at Leeds, I fear, if you leave
+me.
+
+JOHN. What a chance it would have been. But let it go.
+
+MAGGIE. The meeting is in less than a month. Could you not make it such
+a speech that they would be very loth to lose you?
+
+JOHN [swelling]. That’s what was in my mind.
+
+SYBIL [with noble confidence]. And he could have done it.
+
+MAGGIE. Then we’ve come to something practical.
+
+JOHN [exercising his imagination with powerful effect]. No, it wouldn’t
+be fair to you if I was to stay on now.
+
+MAGGIE. Do you think I’ll let myself be considered when your career is
+at stake. A month will soon pass for me; I’ll have a lot of packing to
+do.
+
+JOHN. It’s noble of you, but I don’t deserve it, and I can’t take it
+from you.
+
+MAGGIE. Now’s the time, Lady Sybil, for you to have one of your
+inspiring ideas.
+
+SYBIL [ever ready]. Yes, yes--but what?
+
+[It is odd that they should both turn to MAGGIE at this moment.]
+
+MAGGIE [who has already been saying it to herself]. What do you think of
+this: I can stay on here with my father and brothers; and you, John, can
+go away somewhere and devote yourself to your speech?
+
+SYBIL. Yes.
+
+JOHN. That might be. [Considerately] Away from both of you. Where could
+I go?
+
+SYBIL [ever ready]. Where?
+
+MAGGIE. I know.
+
+[She has called up a number on the telephone before they have time to
+check her.]
+
+JOHN [on his dignity]. Don’t be in such a hurry, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. Is this Lamb’s Hotel? Put me on to the Comtesse de la Briere,
+please.
+
+SYBIL [with a sinking]. What do you want with Auntie?
+
+MAGGIE. Her cottage in the country would be the very place. She invited
+John and me.
+
+JOHN. Yes, but--
+
+MAGGIE [arguing]. And Mr. Venables is to be there. Think of the
+impression you could make on HIM, seeing him daily for three weeks.
+
+JOHN. There’s something in that.
+
+MAGGIE. Is it you, Comtesse? I’m Maggie Shand.
+
+SYBIL. You are not to tell her that--?
+
+MAGGIE. No. [To the COMTESSE] Oh, I’m very well, never was better. Yes,
+yes; you see I can’t, because my folk have never been in London before,
+and I must take them about and show them the sights. But John could come
+to you alone; why not?
+
+JOHN [with proper pride]. If she’s not keen to have me, I won’t go.
+
+MAGGIE. She’s very keen. Comtesse, I could come for a day by and by
+to see how you are getting on. Yes--yes--certainly. [To JOHN] She says
+she’ll be delighted.
+
+JOHN [thoughtfully]. You’re not doing this, Maggie, thinking that my
+being absent from Sybil for a few weeks can make any difference? Of
+course it’s natural you should want us to keep apart, but--
+
+MAGGIE [grimly]. I’m founding no hope on keeping you apart, John.
+
+JOHN. It’s what other wives would do.
+
+MAGGIE. I promised to be different.
+
+JOHN [his position as a strong man assured]. Then tell her I accept. [He
+wanders back into the dining-room.]
+
+SYBIL. I think--[she is not sure what she thinks]--I think you are very
+wonderful.
+
+MAGGIE. Was that John calling to you?
+
+SYBIL. Was it? [She is glad to join him in the dining-room.]
+
+MAGGIE. Comtesse, hold the line a minute. [She is alone, and she has
+nearly reached the end of her self-control. She shakes emotionally and
+utters painful little cries; there is something she wants to do, and she
+is loth to do it. But she does it.] Are you there, Comtesse? There’s one
+other thing, dear Comtesse; I want you to invite Lady Sybil also; yes,
+for the whole time that John is there. No, I’m not mad; as a great
+favour to me; yes, I have a very particular reason, but I won’t tell you
+what it is; oh, call me Scotchy as much as you like, but consent; do,
+do, do. Thank you, thank you, good-bye.
+
+[She has control of herself now, and is determined not to let it
+slip from her again. When they reappear the stubborn one is writing a
+letter.]
+
+JOHN. I thought I heard the telephone again.
+
+MAGGIE [looking up from her labours]. It was the Comtesse; she says
+she’s to invite Lady Sybil to the cottage at the same time.
+
+SYBIL. Me!
+
+JOHN. To invite Sybil? Then of course I won’t go, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE [wondering seemingly at these niceties]. What does it matter? Is
+anything to be considered except the speech? [It has been admitted that
+she was a little devil.] And, with Sybil on the spot, John, to help you
+and inspire you, what a speech it will be!
+
+JOHN [carried away]. Maggie, you really are a very generous woman.
+
+SYBIL [convinced at last]. She is indeed.
+
+JOHN. And you’re queer too. How many women in the circumstances would
+sit down to write a letter?
+
+MAGGIE. It’s a letter to you, John.
+
+JOHN. To me?
+
+MAGGIE. I’ll give it to you when it’s finished, but I ask you not to
+open it till your visit to the Comtesse ends.
+
+JOHN. What is it about?
+
+MAGGIE. It’s practical.
+
+SYBIL [rather faintly]. Practical? [She has heard the word so frequently
+to-day that it is beginning to have a Scotch sound. She feels she ought
+to like MAGGIE, but that she would like her better if they were farther
+apart. She indicates that the doctors are troubled about her heart, and
+murmuring her adieux she goes. JOHN, who is accompanying her, pauses at
+the door.]
+
+JOHN [with a queer sort of admiration for his wife]. Maggie, I wish I
+was fond of you.
+
+MAGGIE [heartily]. I wish you were, John.
+
+[He goes, and she resumes her letter. The stocking is lying at hand, and
+she pushes it to the floor. She is done for a time with knitting.]
+
+
+
+
+ACT IV
+
+[Man’s most pleasant invention is the lawn-mower. All the birds know
+this, and that is why, when it is at rest, there is always at least one
+of them sitting on the handle with his head cocked, wondering how the
+delicious whirring sound is made. When they find out, they will change
+their note. As it is, you must sometimes have thought that you heard the
+mower very early in the morning, and perhaps you peeped in neglige from
+your lattice window to see who was up so early. It was really the birds
+trying to get the note.
+
+On this broiling morning, however, we are at noon, and whoever looks
+will see that the whirring is done by Mr. Venables. He is in a linen
+suit with the coat discarded (the bird is sitting on it), and he comes
+and goes across the Comtesse’s lawns, pleasantly mopping his face. We
+see him through a crooked bowed window generously open, roses intruding
+into it as if to prevent its ever being closed at night; there are other
+roses in such armfuls on the tables that one could not easily say where
+the room ends and the garden begins.
+
+In the Comtesse’s pretty comic drawing-room (for she likes the comic
+touch when she is in England) sits John Shand with his hostess, on
+chairs at a great distance from each other. No linen garments for John,
+nor flannels, nor even knickerbockers; he envies the English way of
+dressing for trees and lawns, but is too Scotch to be able to imitate
+it; he wears tweeds, just as he would do in his native country where
+they would be in kilts. Like many another Scot, the first time he ever
+saw a kilt was on a Sassenach; indeed kilts were perhaps invented, like
+golf, to draw the English north. John is doing nothing, which again is
+not a Scotch accomplishment, and he looks rather miserable and dour. The
+Comtesse is already at her Patience cards, and occasionally she smiles
+on him as if not displeased with his long silence. At last she speaks:]
+
+COMTESSE. I feel it rather a shame to detain you here on such a lovely
+day, Mr. Shand, entertaining an old woman.
+
+JOHN. I don’t pretend to think I’m entertaining you, Comtesse.
+
+COMTESSE. But you ARE, you know.
+
+JOHN. I would be pleased to be told how?
+
+[She shrugs her impertinent shoulders, and presently there is another
+heavy sigh from JOHN.]
+
+COMTESSE. Again! Why do not you go out on the river?
+
+JOHN. Yes, I can do that. [He rises.]
+
+COMTESSE. And take Sybil with you. [He sits again.] No?
+
+JOHN. I have been on the river with her twenty times.
+
+COMTESSE. Then take her for a long walk through the Fairloe woods.
+
+JOHN. We were there twice last week.
+
+COMTESSE. There is a romantically damp little arbour at the end of what
+the villagers call the Lovers’ Lane.
+
+JOHN. One can’t go there every day. I see nothing to laugh at.
+
+COMTESSE. Did I laugh? I must have been translating the situation into
+French.
+
+[Perhaps the music of the lawn-mower is not to JOHN’s mood, for he
+betakes himself to another room. MR. VENABLES pauses in his labours to
+greet a lady who has appeared on the lawn, and who is MAGGIE. She is as
+neat as if she were one of the army of typists [who are quite the nicest
+kind of women], and carries a little bag. She comes in through the
+window, and puts her hands over the COMTESSE’s eyes.]
+
+COMTESSE. They are a strong pair of hands, at any rate.
+
+MAGGIE. And not very white, and biggish for my size. Now guess.
+
+[The COMTESSE guesses, and takes both the hands in hers as if she valued
+them. She pulls off MAGGIE’s hat as if to prevent her flying away.]
+
+COMTESSE. Dear abominable one, not to let me know you were coming.
+
+MAGGIE. It is just a surprise visit, Comtesse. I walked up from
+the station. [For a moment MAGGIE seems to have borrowed SYBIL’S
+impediment.] How is--everybody?
+
+COMTESSE. He is quite well. But, my child, he seems to me to be a most
+unhappy man.
+
+[This sad news does not seem to make a most unhappy woman of the child.
+The COMTESSE is puzzled, as she knows nothing of the situation save what
+she has discovered for herself.]
+
+Why should that please you, O heartless one?
+
+MAGGIE. I won’t tell you.
+
+COMTESSE. I could take you and shake you, Maggie. Here have I put my
+house at your disposal for so many days for some sly Scotch purpose, and
+you will not tell me what it is.
+
+MAGGIE. No.
+
+COMTESSE. Very well, then, but I have what you call a nasty one for you.
+[The COMTESSE lures MR. VENABLES into the room by holding up what might
+be a foaming glass of lemon squash.] Alas, Charles, it is but a flower
+vase. I want you to tell Mrs. Shand what you think of her husband’s
+speech.
+
+[MR. VENABLES gives his hostess a reproachful look.]
+
+VENABLES. Eh--ah--Shand will prefer to do that himself. I promised the
+gardener--I must not disappoint him--excuse me--
+
+COMTESSE. You must tell her, Charles.
+
+MAGGIE. Please, Mr. Venables, I should like to know.
+
+[He sits down with a sigh and obeys.]
+
+VENABLES. Your husband has been writing the speech here, and by his own
+wish he read it to me three days ago. The occasion is to be an important
+one; and, well, there are a dozen young men in the party at present, all
+capable of filling a certain small ministerial post. [He looks longingly
+at the mower, but it sends no message to his aid.] And as he is one
+of them I was anxious that he should show in this speech of what he is
+capable.
+
+MAGGIE. And hasn’t he?
+
+[Not for the first time MR. VENABLES wishes that he was not in
+politics.]
+
+VENABLES. I am afraid he has.
+
+COMTESSE. What is wrong with the speech, Charles?
+
+VENABLES. Nothing--and he can still deliver it. It is a powerful,
+well-thought-out piece of work, such as only a very able man could
+produce. But it has no SPECIAL QUALITY of its own--none of the little
+touches that used to make an old stager like myself want to pat Shand
+on the shoulder. [The COMTESSE’s mouth twitches, but MAGGIE declines to
+notice it.] He pounds on manfully enough, but, if I may say so, with a
+wooden leg. It is as good, I dare say, as the rest of them could have
+done; but they start with such inherited advantages, Mrs. Shand, that he
+had to do better.
+
+MAGGIE. Yes, I can understand that.
+
+VENABLES. I am sorry, Mrs. Shand, for he interested me. His career has
+set me wondering whether if _I_ had begun as a railway porter I might
+not still be calling out, ‘By your leave.’
+
+[MAGGIE thinks it probable but not important]
+
+MAGGIE. Mr. Venables, now that I think of it, surely John wrote to
+me that you were dissatisfied with his first speech, and that he was
+writing another.
+
+[The COMTESSE’s eyes open very wide indeed.]
+
+VENABLES. I have heard nothing of that, Mrs. Shand. [He shakes his wise
+head.] And in any case, I am afraid--[He still hears the wooden leg.]
+
+MAGGIE. But you said yourself that his second thoughts were sometimes
+such an improvement on the first.
+
+[The COMTESSE comes to the help of the baggage.]
+
+COMTESSE. I remember you saying that, Charles.
+
+VENABLES. Yes, that has struck me. [Politely] Well, if he has anything
+to show me--In the meantime--
+
+[He regains the lawn, like one glad to escape attendance at JOHN’S
+obsequies. The COMTESSE is brought back to speech by the sound of the
+mower--nothing wooden in it.]
+
+COMTESSE. What are you up to now, Miss Pin? You know as well as I do
+that there is no such speech.
+
+[MAGGIE’s mouth tightens.]
+
+MAGGIE. I do not.
+
+COMTESSE. It is a duel, is it, my friend?
+
+[The COMTESSE rings the bell and MAGGIE’s guilty mind is agitated.]
+
+MAGGIE. What are you ringing for?
+
+COMTESSE. As the challenged one, Miss Pin, I have the choice of weapons.
+I am going to send for your husband to ask him if he has written such a
+speech. After which, I suppose, you will ask me to leave you while you
+and he write it together.
+
+[MAGGIE wrings her hands.]
+
+MAGGIE. You are wrong, Comtesse; but please don’t do that.
+
+COMTESSE. You but make me more curious, and my doctor says that I
+must be told everything. [The COMTESSE assumes the pose of her sex
+in melodrama.] Put your cards on the table, Maggie Shand, or--[She
+indicates that she always pinks her man. MAGGIE dolefully produces a
+roll of paper from her bag.] What precisely is that?
+
+[The reply is little more than a squeak.]
+
+MAGGIE. John’s speech.
+
+COMTESSE. You have written it yourself!
+
+[MAGGIE is naturally indignant.]
+
+MAGGIE. It’s typed.
+
+COMTESSE. You guessed that the speech he wrote unaided would not
+satisfy, and you prepared this to take its place!
+
+MAGGIE. Not at all, Comtesse. It is the draft of his speech that he left
+at home. That’s all.
+
+COMTESSE. With a few trivial alterations by yourself, I swear. Can you
+deny it?
+
+[No wonder that MAGGIE is outraged. She replaces JOHN’s speech in the
+bag with becoming hauteur.]
+
+MAGGIE. Comtesse, these insinuations are unworthy of you. May I ask
+where is my husband?
+
+[The COMTESSE drops her a curtsey.]
+
+COMTESSE. I believe your Haughtiness may find him in the Dutch garden.
+Oh, I see through you. You are not to show him your speech. But you are
+to get him to write another one, and somehow all your additions will be
+in it. Think not, creature, that you can deceive one so old in iniquity
+as the Comtesse de la Briere.
+
+[There can be but one reply from a good wife to such a charge, and at
+once the COMTESSE is left alone with her shame. Anon a footman appears.
+You know how they come and go.]
+
+FOOTMAN. You rang, my lady?
+
+COMTESSE. Did I? Ah, yes, but why? [He is but lately from the
+ploughshare and cannot help her. In this quandary her eyes alight upon
+the bag. She is unfortunately too abandoned to feel her shame; she still
+thinks that she has the choice of weapons. She takes the speech from the
+bag and bestows it on her servitor.] Take this to Mr. Venables, please,
+and say it is from Mr. Shand. [THOMAS--but in the end we shall probably
+call him JOHN--departs with the dangerous papers; and when MAGGIE
+returns she finds that the COMTESSE is once more engaged in her
+interrupted game of Patience.] You did not find him?
+
+[All the bravery has dropped from MAGGIE’s face.]
+
+MAGGIE. I didn’t see him, but I heard him. SHE is with him. I think they
+are coming here.
+
+[The COMTESSE is suddenly kind again.]
+
+COMTESSE. Sybil? Shall I get rid of her?
+
+MAGGIE. No, I want her to be here, too. Now I shall know.
+
+[The COMTESSE twists the little thing round.]
+
+COMTESSE. Know what?
+
+MAGGIE. As soon as I look into his face I shall know.
+
+[A delicious scent ushers in the fair SYBIL, who is as sweet as a
+milking stool. She greets MRS. SHAND with some alarm.]
+
+MAGGIE. How do you do, Lady Sybil? How pretty you look in that frock.
+[SYBIL rustles uncomfortably.] You are a feast to the eye.
+
+SYBIL. Please, I wish you would not.
+
+[Shall we describe SYBIL’S frock, in which she looks like a great
+strawberry that knows it ought to be plucked; or would it be easier to
+watch the coming of JOHN? Let us watch JOHN.]
+
+JOHN. You, Maggie! You never wrote that you were coming.
+
+[No, let us watch MAGGIE. As soon as she looked into his face she was to
+know something of importance.]
+
+MAGGIE [not dissatisfied with what she sees]. No, John, it’s a surprise
+visit. I just ran down to say good-bye.
+
+[At this his face falls, which does not seem to pain her.]
+
+SYBIL [foreseeing another horrible Scotch scene]. To say good-bye?
+
+COMTESSE [thrilling with expectation]. To whom, Maggie?
+
+SYBIL [deserted by the impediment, which is probably playing with rough
+boys in the Lovers’ Lane]. Auntie, do leave us, won’t you?
+
+COMTESSE. Not I. It is becoming far too interesting.
+
+MAGGIE. I suppose there’s no reason the Comtesse shouldn’t be told, as
+she will know so soon at any rate?
+
+JOHN. That’s so. [SYBIL sees with discomfort that he is to be practical
+also.]
+
+MAGGIE. It’s so simple. You see, Comtesse, John and Lady Sybil have
+fallen in love with one another, and they are to go off as soon as the
+meeting at Leeds has taken place.
+
+[The COMTESSE’s breast is too suddenly introduced to Caledonia and its
+varied charms.]
+
+COMTESSE. Mon Dieu!
+
+MAGGIE. I think that’s putting it correctly, John.
+
+JOHN. In a sense. But I’m not to attend the meeting at Leeds. My speech
+doesn’t find favour. [With a strange humility] There’s something wrong
+with it.
+
+COMTESSE. I never expected to hear you say that, Mr. Shand.
+
+JOHN [wondering also]. I never expected it myself. I meant to make it
+the speech of my career. But somehow my hand seems to have lost its
+cunning.
+
+COMTESSE. And you don’t know how?
+
+JOHN. It’s inexplicable. My brain was never clearer.
+
+COMTESSE. You might have helped him, Sybil.
+
+SYBIL [quite sulkily]. I did.
+
+COMTESSE. But I thought she was such an inspiration to you, Mr. Shand.
+
+JOHN [going bravely to SYBIL’S side]. She slaved at it with me.
+
+COMTESSE. Strange. [Wickedly becoming practical also] So now there is
+nothing to detain you. Shall I send for a fly, Sybil?
+
+SYBIL [with a cry of the heart]. Auntie, do leave us.
+
+COMTESSE. I can understand your impatience to be gone, Mr. Shand.
+
+JOHN [heavily]. I promised Maggie to wait till the 24th, and I’m a man
+of my word.
+
+MAGGIE. But I give you back your word, John. You can go now.
+
+[JOHN looks at SYBIL, and SYBIL looks at JOHN, and the impediment
+arrives in time to take a peep at both of them.]
+
+SYBIL [groping for the practical, to which we must all come in the end].
+He must make satisfactory arrangements about you first. I insist on
+that.
+
+MAGGIE [with no more imagination than a hen]. Thank you, Lady Sybil, but
+I have made all my arrangements.
+
+JOHN [stung]. Maggie, that was my part.
+
+MAGGIE. You see, my brothers feel they can’t be away from their business
+any longer; and so, if it would be convenient to you, John, I could
+travel north with them by the night train on Wednesday.
+
+SYBIL. I--I----The way you put things---!
+
+JOHN. This is just the 21st.
+
+MAGGIE. My things are all packed. I think you’ll find the house in good
+order, Lady Sybil. I have had the vacuum cleaners in. I’ll give you the
+keys of the linen and the silver plate; I have them in that bag. The
+carpet on the upper landing is a good deal frayed, but---
+
+SYBIL. Please, I don’t want to hear any more.
+
+MAGGIE. The ceiling of the dining-room would be the better of a new lick
+of paint---
+
+SYBIL [stamping her foot, small fours]. Can’t you stop her?
+
+JOHN [soothingly]. She’s meaning well. Maggie, I know it’s natural to
+you to value those things, because your outlook on life is bounded by
+them; but all this jars on me.
+
+MAGGIE. Does it?
+
+JOHN. Why should you be so ready to go?
+
+MAGGIE. I promised not to stand in your way.
+
+JOHN [stoutly]. You needn’t be in such a hurry. There are three days
+to run yet. [The French are so different from us that we shall probably
+never be able to understand why the COMTESSE laughed aloud here.] It’s
+just a joke to the Comtesse.
+
+COMTESSE. It seems to be no joke to you, Mr. Shand. Sybil, my pet, are
+you to let him off?
+
+SYBIL [flashing]. Let him off? If he wishes it. Do you?
+
+JOHN [manfully]. I want it to go on. [Something seems to have caught in
+his throat: perhaps it is the impediment trying a temporary home.] It’s
+the one wish of my heart. If you come with me, Sybil, I’ll do all in a
+man’s power to make you never regret it.
+
+[Triumph of the Vere de Veres.]
+
+MAGGIE [bringing them back to earth with a dump]. And I can make my
+arrangements for Wednesday?
+
+SYBIL [seeking the COMTESSE’s protection]. No, you can’t. Auntie, I am
+not going on with this. I’m very sorry for you, John, but I see now--I
+couldn’t face it---
+
+[She can’t face anything at this moment except the sofa pillows.]
+
+COMTESSE [noticing JOHN’S big sigh of relief]. So THAT is all right, Mr.
+Shand!
+
+MAGGIE. Don’t you love her any more, John? Be practical.
+
+SYBIL [to the pillows]. At any rate I have tired of him. Oh, best to
+tell the horrid truth. I am ashamed of myself. I have been crying my
+eyes out over it--I thought I was such a different kind of woman. But I
+am weary of him. I think him--oh, so dull.
+
+JOHN [his face lighting up]. Are you sure that is how you have come to
+think of me?
+
+SYBIL. I’m sorry; [with all her soul] but yes--yes--yes.
+
+JOHN. By God, it’s more than I deserve.
+
+COMTESSE. Congratulations to you both.
+
+[SYBIL runs away; and in the fulness of time she married successfully in
+cloth of silver, which was afterwards turned into a bed-spread.]
+
+MAGGIE. You haven’t read my letter yet, John, have you?
+
+JOHN. No.
+
+COMTESSE [imploringly]. May I know to what darling letter you refer?
+
+MAGGIE. It’s a letter I wrote to him before he left London. I gave it to
+him closed, not to be opened until his time here was ended.
+
+JOHN [as his hand strays to his pocket]. Am I to read it now?
+
+MAGGIE. Not before her. Please go away, Comtesse.
+
+COMTESSE. Every word you say makes me more determined to remain.
+
+MAGGIE. It will hurt you, John. [Distressed] Don’t read it; tear it up.
+
+JOHN. You make me very curious, Maggie. And yet I don’t see what can be
+in it.
+
+COMTESSE. But you feel a little nervous? Give ME the dagger.
+
+MAGGIE [quickly]. No. [But the COMTESSE has already got it.]
+
+COMTESSE. May I? [She must have thought they said Yes, for she opens the
+letter. She shares its contents with them.] ‘Dearest John, It is at my
+request that the Comtesse is having Lady Sybil at the cottage at the
+same time as yourself.’
+
+JOHN. What?
+
+COMTESSE. Yes, she begged me to invite you together.
+
+JOHN. But why?
+
+MAGGIE. I promised you not to behave as other wives would do.
+
+JOHN. It’s not understandable.
+
+COMTESSE. ‘You may ask why I do this, John, and my reason is, I think
+that after a few weeks of Lady Sybil, every day, and all day, you will
+become sick to death of her. I am also giving her the chance to help you
+and inspire you with your work, so that you may both learn what her
+help and her inspiration amount to. Of course, if your love is the great
+strong passion you think it, then those weeks will make you love her
+more than ever and I can only say good-bye. But if, as I suspect, you
+don’t even now know what true love is, then by the next time we meet,
+dear John, you will have had enough of her.--Your affectionate wife,
+Maggie.’ Oh, why was not Sybil present at the reading of the will! And
+now, if you two will kindly excuse me, I think I must go and get that
+poor sufferer the eau de Cologne.
+
+JOHN. It’s almost enough to make a man lose faith in himself.
+
+COMTESSE. Oh, don’t say that, Mr. Shand.
+
+MAGGIE [defending him]. You mustn’t hurt him. If you haven’t loved deep
+and true, that’s just because you have never met a woman yet, John,
+capable of inspiring it.
+
+COMTESSE [putting her hand on MAGGIE’s shoulder]. Have you not, Mr.
+Shand?
+
+JOHN. I see what you mean. But Maggie wouldn’t think better of me for
+any false pretences. She knows my feelings for her now are neither more
+nor less than what they have always been.
+
+MAGGIE [who sees that he is looking at her as solemnly as a volume of
+sermons printed by request]. I think no one could be fond of me that
+can’t laugh a little at me.
+
+JOHN. How could that help?
+
+COMTESSE [exasperated]. Mr. Shand, I give you up.
+
+MAGGIE. I admire his honesty.
+
+COMTESSE. Oh, I give you up also. Arcades ambo. Scotchies both.
+
+JOHN [when she has gone]. But this letter, it’s not like you. By Gosh,
+Maggie, you’re no fool.
+
+[She beams at this, as any wife would.]
+
+But how could I have made such a mistake? It’s not like a strong man.
+[Evidently he has an inspiration.]
+
+MAGGIE. What is it?
+
+JOHN [the inspiration]. AM I a strong man?
+
+MAGGIE. You? Of course you are. And self-made. Has anybody ever helped
+you in the smallest way?
+
+JOHN [thinking it out again]. No, nobody.
+
+MAGGIE. Not even Lady Sybil?
+
+JOHN. I’m beginning to doubt it. It’s very curious, though, Maggie, that
+this speech should be disappointing.
+
+MAGGIE. It’s just that Mr. Venables hasn’t the brains to see how good it
+is.
+
+JOHN. That must be it. [But he is too good a man to rest satisfied with
+this.] No, Maggie, it’s not. Somehow I seem to have lost my neat way of
+saying things.
+
+MAGGIE [almost cooing]. It will come back to you.
+
+JOHN [forlorn]. If you knew how I’ve tried.
+
+MAGGIE [cautiously]. Maybe if you were to try again; and I’ll just come
+and sit beside you, and knit. I think the click of the needles sometimes
+put you in the mood.
+
+JOHN. Hardly that; and yet many a Shandism have I knocked off while you
+were sitting beside me knitting. I suppose it was the quietness.
+
+MAGGIE. Very likely.
+
+JOHN [with another inspiration]. Maggie!
+
+MAGGIE [again]. What is it, John?
+
+JOHN. What if it was you that put those queer ideas into my head!
+
+MAGGIE. Me?
+
+JOHN. Without your knowing it, I mean.
+
+MAGGIE. But how?
+
+JOHN. We used to talk bits over; and it may be that you dropped the
+seed, so to speak.
+
+MAGGIE. John, could it be this, that I sometimes had the idea in a rough
+womanish sort of way and then you polished it up till it came out a
+Shandism?
+
+JOHN [slowly slapping his knee]. I believe you’ve hit it, Maggie: to
+think that you may have been helping me all the time--and neither of us
+knew it!
+
+[He has so nearly reached a smile that no one can say what might have
+happened within the next moment if the COMTESSE had not reappeared.]
+
+COMTESSE. Mr. Venables wishes to see you, Mr. Shand.
+
+JOHN [lost, stolen, or strayed a smile in the making]. Hum!
+
+COMTESSE. He is coming now.
+
+JOHN [grumpy]. Indeed!
+
+COMTESSE [sweetly]. It is about your speech.
+
+JOHN. He has said all he need say on that subject, and more.
+
+COMTESSE [quaking a little]. I think it is about the second speech.
+
+JOHN. What second speech?
+
+[MAGGIE runs to her bag and opens it.]
+
+MAGGIE [horrified]. Comtesse, you have given it to him!
+
+COMTESSE [impudently]. Wasn’t I meant to?
+
+JOHN. What is it? What second speech?
+
+MAGGIE. Cruel, cruel. [Willing to go on her knees] You had left
+the first draft of your speech at home, John, and I brought it here
+with--with a few little things I’ve added myself.
+
+JOHN [a seven-footer]. What’s that?
+
+MAGGIE [four foot ten at most]. Just trifles--things I was to suggest to
+you--while I was knitting--and then, if you liked any of them you could
+have polished them--and turned them into something good. John, John--and
+now she has shown it to Mr. Venables.
+
+JOHN [thundering]. As my work, Comtesse?
+
+[But the COMTESSE is not of the women who are afraid of thunder.]
+
+MAGGIE. It is your work--nine-tenths of it.
+
+JOHN [in the black cap]. You presumed, Maggie Shand! Very well, then,
+here he comes, and now we’ll see to what extent you’ve helped me.
+
+VENABLES. My dear fellow. My dear Shand, I congratulate you. Give me
+your hand.
+
+JOHN. The speech?
+
+VENABLES. You have improved it out of knowledge. It is the same speech,
+but those new touches make all the difference. [JOHN sits down heavily.]
+Mrs. Shand, be proud of him.
+
+MAGGIE. I am. I am, John.
+
+COMTESSE. You always said that his second thoughts were best, Charles.
+
+VENABLES [pleased to be reminded of it]. Didn’t I, didn’t I? Those
+delicious little touches! How good that is, Shand, about the flowing
+tide.
+
+COMTESSE. The flowing tide?
+
+VENABLES. In the first speech it was something like this--‘Gentlemen,
+the Opposition are calling to you to vote for them and the flowing tide,
+but I solemnly warn you to beware lest the flowing tide does not engulf
+you.’ The second way is much better.
+
+COMTESSE. What is the second way, Mr. Shand?
+
+[JOHN does not tell her.]
+
+VENABLES. This is how he puts it now. [JOHN cannot help raising his head
+to listen.] ‘Gentlemen, the Opposition are calling to you to vote for
+them and the flowing tide, but I ask you cheerfully to vote for us and
+DAM the flowing tide.’
+
+[VENABLES and his old friend the COMTESSE laugh heartily, but for
+different reasons.]
+
+COMTESSE. It IS better, Mr. Shand.
+
+MAGGIE. _I_ don’t think so.
+
+VENABLES. Yes, yes, it’s so virile. Excuse me, Comtesse, I’m off to
+read the whole thing again. [For the first time he notices that JOHN is
+strangely quiet.] I think this has rather bowled you over, Shand.
+
+[JOHN’s head sinks lower.]
+
+Well, well, good news doesn’t kill.
+
+MAGGIE [counsel for the defence]. Surely the important thing about the
+speech is its strength and knowledge and eloquence, the things that were
+in the first speech as well as in the second.
+
+VENABLES. That of course is largely true. The wit would not be enough
+without them, just as they were not enough without the wit. It is the
+combination that is irresistible. [JOHN’s head rises a little.] Shand,
+you are our man, remember that, it is emphatically the best thing you
+have ever done. How this will go down at Leeds!
+
+[He returns gaily to his hammock; but lower sinks JOHN’S head, and even
+the COMTESSE has the grace to take herself off. MAGGIE’s arms flutter
+near her husband, not daring to alight.]
+
+MAGGIE. You heard what he said, John. It’s the combination. Is it so
+terrible to you to find that my love for you had made me able to help
+you in the little things?
+
+JOHN. The little things! It seems strange to me to hear you call me by
+my name, Maggie. It’s as if I looked on you for the first time.
+
+MAGGIE. Look at me, John, for the first time. What do you see?
+
+JOHN. I see a woman who has brought her husband low.
+
+MAGGIE. Only that?
+
+JOHN. I see the tragedy of a man who has found himself out. Eh, I can’t
+live with you again, Maggie.
+
+[He shivers.]
+
+MAGGIE. Why did you shiver, John?
+
+JOHN. It was at myself for saying that I couldn’t live with you again,
+when I should have been wondering how for so long you have lived with
+me. And I suppose you have forgiven me all the time. [She nods.] And
+forgive me still? [She nods again.] Dear God!
+
+MAGGIE. John, am I to go? or are you to keep me on? [She is now a little
+bundle near his feet.] I’m willing to stay because I’m useful to you, if
+it can’t be for a better reason. [His hand feels for her, and the bundle
+wriggles nearer.] It’s nothing unusual I’ve done, John. Every man who
+is high up loves to think that he has done it all himself; and the wife
+smiles, and lets it go at that. It’s our only joke. Every woman knows
+that. [He stares at her in hopeless perplexity.] Oh, John, if only you
+could laugh at me.
+
+JOHN. I can’t laugh, Maggie.
+
+[But as he continues to stare at her a strange disorder appears in his
+face. MAGGIE feels that it is to be now or never.]
+
+MAGGIE. Laugh, John, laugh. Watch me; see how easy it is.
+
+[A terrible struggle is taking place within him. He creaks. Something
+that may be mirth forces a passage, at first painfully, no more joy in
+it than in the discoloured water from a spring that has long been dry.
+Soon, however, he laughs loud and long. The spring water is becoming
+clear. MAGGIE claps her hands. He is saved.]
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg’s What Every Woman Knows, by James M. Barrie
+
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+
+<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en">
+  <head>
+    <title>
+      What Every Woman Knows, by James M. Barrie
+    </title>
+    <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve">
+
+    body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify}
+    P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; }
+    H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; }
+    hr  { width: 50%; text-align: center;}
+    .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; }
+    blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;}
+    .mynote    {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;}
+    .toc       { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;}
+    .toc2      { margin-left: 20%;}
+    div.fig    { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; }
+    div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; }
+    .figleft   {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;}
+    .figright  {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;}
+    .pagenum   {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal;
+               margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%;
+               text-align: right;}
+    pre        { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;}
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+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of What Every Woman Knows, by James M. Barrie
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: What Every Woman Knows
+
+Author: James M. Barrie
+
+
+Release Date: May, 2004  [EBook #5654]
+This file was first posted on August 5, 2002
+Last Updated: October 14, 2016
+
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+
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+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHAT EVERY WOMAN KNOWS ***
+
+
+
+
+Text produced by David Moynihan, Charles Franks and the Online
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+HTML file produced by David Widger
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+</pre>
+
+    <div style="height: 8em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h1>
+      WHAT EVERY WOMAN KNOWS
+    </h1>
+    <h2>
+      By James M. Barrie
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <b>CONTENTS</b>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> ACT I </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> ACT II </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> ACT III </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> ACT IV </a>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      ACT I
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      James Wylie is about to make a move on the dambrod, and in the little
+      Scotch room there is an awful silence befitting the occasion. James with
+      his hand poised&mdash;for if he touches a piece he has to play it, Alick
+      will see to that&mdash;raises his red head suddenly to read Alick&rsquo;s face.
+      His father, who is Alick, is pretending to be in a panic lest James should
+      make this move. James grins heartlessly, and his fingers are about to
+      close on the &lsquo;man&rsquo; when some instinct of self-preservation makes him peep
+      once more. This time Alick is caught: the unholy ecstasy on his face tells
+      as plain as porridge that he has been luring James to destruction. James
+      glares; and, too late, his opponent is a simple old father again. James
+      mops his head, sprawls in the manner most conducive to thought in the
+      Wylie family, and, protruding his underlip, settles down to a
+      reconsideration of the board. Alick blows out his cheeks, and a drop of
+      water settles on the point of his nose.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      You will find them thus any Saturday night (after family worship, which
+      sends the servant to bed); and sometimes the pauses are so long that in
+      the end they forget whose move it is.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It is not the room you would be shown into if you were calling socially on
+      Miss Wylie. The drawing-room for you, and Miss Wylie in a coloured merino
+      to receive you; very likely she would exclaim, &ldquo;This is a pleasant
+      surprise!&rdquo; though she has seen you coming up the avenue and has just had
+      time to whip the dustcloths off the chairs, and to warn Alick, David and
+      James, that they had better not dare come in to see you before they have
+      put on a dickey. Nor is this the room in which you would dine in solemn
+      grandeur if invited to drop in and take pot-luck, which is how the Wylies
+      invite, it being a family weakness to pretend that they sit down in the
+      dining-room daily. It is the real living-room of the house, where Alick,
+      who will never get used to fashionable ways, can take off his collar and
+      sit happily in his stocking soles, and James at times would do so also;
+      but catch Maggie letting him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      There is one very fine chair, but, heavens, not for sitting on; just to
+      give the room a social standing in an emergency. It sneers at the other
+      chairs with an air of insolent superiority, like a haughty bride who has
+      married into the house for money. Otherwise the furniture is homely; most
+      of it has come from that smaller house where the Wylies began. There is
+      the large and shiny chair which can be turned into a bed if you look the
+      other way for a moment. James cannot sit on this chair without gradually
+      sliding down it till he is lying luxuriously on the small of his back, his
+      legs indicating, like the hands of a clock, that it is ten past twelve; a
+      position in which Maggie shudders to see him receiving company.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The other chairs are horse-hair, than which nothing is more comfortable if
+      there be a good slit down the seat. The seats are heavily dented, because
+      all the Wylie family sit down with a dump. The draught-board is on the
+      edge of a large centre table, which also displays four books placed at
+      equal distances from each other, one of them a Bible, and another the
+      family album. If these were the only books they would not justify Maggie
+      in calling this chamber the library, her dogged name for it; while David
+      and James call it the west-room and Alick calls it &lsquo;the room,&rsquo; which is to
+      him the natural name for any apartment without a bed in it. There is a
+      bookcase of pitch pine, which contains six hundred books, with glass doors
+      to prevent your getting at them.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      No one does try to get at the books, for the Wylies are not a reading
+      family. They like you to gasp when you see so much literature gathered
+      together in one prison-house, but they gasp themselves at the thought that
+      there are persons, chiefly clergymen, who, having finished one book,
+      coolly begin another. Nevertheless it was not all vainglory that made
+      David buy this library: it was rather a mighty respect for education, as
+      something that he has missed. This same feeling makes him take in the
+      Contemporary Review and stand up to it like a man. Alick, who also has a
+      respect for education, tries to read the Contemporary, but becomes
+      dispirited, and may be heard muttering over its pages, &lsquo;No, no use, no
+      use, no,&rsquo; and sometimes even &lsquo;Oh hell.&rsquo; James has no respect for
+      education; and Maggie is at present of an open mind.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      They are Wylie and Sons of the local granite quarry, in which Alick was
+      throughout his working days a mason. It is David who has raised them to
+      this position; he climbed up himself step by step (and hewed the steps),
+      and drew the others up after him. &lsquo;Wylie Brothers,&rsquo; Alick would have had
+      the firm called, but David said No, and James said No, and Maggie said No;
+      first honour must be to their father; and Alick now likes it on the whole,
+      though he often sighs at having to shave every day; and on some snell
+      mornings he still creeps from his couch at four and even at two (thinking
+      that his mallet and chisel are calling him), and begins to pull on his
+      trousers, until the grandeur of them reminds him that he can go to bed
+      again. Sometimes he cries a little, because there is no more work for him
+      to do for ever and ever; and then Maggie gives him a spade (without
+      telling David) or David gives him the logs to saw (without telling
+      Maggie).
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We have given James a longer time to make his move than our kind friends
+      in front will give him, but in the meantime something has been happening.
+      David has come in, wearing a black coat and his Sabbath boots, for he has
+      been to a public meeting. David is nigh forty years of age, whiskered like
+      his father and brother (Alick&rsquo;s whiskers being worn as a sort of cravat
+      round the neck), and he has the too brisk manner of one who must arrive
+      anywhere a little before any one else. The painter who did the three of
+      them for fifteen pounds (you may observe the canvases on the walls) has
+      caught this characteristic, perhaps accidentally, for David is almost
+      stepping out of his frame, as if to hurry off somewhere; while Alick and
+      James look as if they were pinned to the wall for life. All the six of
+      them, men and pictures, however, have a family resemblance, like granite
+      blocks from their own quarry. They are as Scotch as peat for instance, and
+      they might exchange eyes without any neighbour noticing the difference,
+      inquisitive little blue eyes that seem to be always totting up the price
+      of things.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The dambrod players pay no attention to David, nor does he regard them.
+      Dumping down on the sofa he removes his &lsquo;lastic sides, as his Sabbath
+      boots are called, by pushing one foot against the other, gets into a pair
+      of hand-sewn slippers, deposits the boots as according to rule in the
+      ottoman, and crosses to the fire. There must be something on David&rsquo;s mind
+      to-night, for he pays no attention to the game, neither gives advice (than
+      which nothing is more maddening) nor exchanges a wink with Alick over the
+      parlous condition of James&rsquo;s crown. You can hear the wag-at-the-wall clock
+      in the lobby ticking. Then David lets himself go; it runs out of him like
+      a hymn:&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Oh, let the solid ground Not fail beneath my feet, Before my life
+      has found What some have found so sweet.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [This is not a soliloquy, but is offered as a definite statement. The
+      players emerge from their game with difficulty.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [with JAMES&rsquo;s crown in his hand]. What&rsquo;s that you&rsquo;re saying, David?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [like a public speaker explaining the situation in a few well-chosen
+      words]. The thing I&rsquo;m speaking about is Love.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [keeping control of himself]. Do you stand there and say you&rsquo;re in
+      love, David Wylie?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Me; what would I do with the thing?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [who is by no means without pluck]. I see no necessity for calling
+      it a thing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [They are two bachelors who all their lives have been afraid of nothing
+      but Woman. DAVID in his sportive days&mdash;which continue&mdash;has done
+      roguish things with his arm when conducting a lady home under an umbrella
+      from a soiree, and has both chuckled and been scared on thinking of it
+      afterwards. JAMES, a commoner fellow altogether, has discussed the sex
+      over a glass, but is too canny to be in the company of less than two young
+      women at a time.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [derisively]. Oho, has she got you, James?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [feeling the sting of it]. Nobody has got me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. They&rsquo;ll catch you yet, lad.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. They&rsquo;ll never catch me. You&rsquo;ve been nearer catched yourself.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Yes, Kitty Menzies, David.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [feeling himself under the umbrella]. It was a kind of a shave that.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [who knows all that is to be known about women and can speak of them
+      without a tremor]. It&rsquo;s a curious thing, but a man cannot help winking
+      when he hears that one of his friends has been catched.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. That&rsquo;s so.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [clinging to his manhood]. And fear of that wink is what has kept
+      the two of us single men. And yet what&rsquo;s the glory of being single?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. There&rsquo;s no particular glory in it, but it&rsquo;s safe.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [putting away his aspirations]. Yes, it&rsquo;s lonely, but it&rsquo;s safe. But
+      who did you mean the poetry for, then?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. For Maggie, of course.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [You don&rsquo;t know DAVID and JAMES till you know how they love their sister
+      MAGGIE.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. I thought that.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [coming to the second point of his statement about Love]. I saw her
+      reading poetry and saying those words over to herself.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. She has such a poetical mind.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Love. There&rsquo;s no doubt as that&rsquo;s what Maggie has set her heart on.
+      And not merely love, but one of those grand noble loves; for though Maggie
+      is undersized she has a passion for romance.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [wandering miserably about the room]. It&rsquo;s terrible not to be able
+      to give Maggie what her heart is set on.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The others never pay much attention to JAMES, though he is quite a smart
+      figure in less important houses.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [violently]. Those idiots of men.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Father, did you tell her who had got the minister of Galashiels?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [wagging his head sadly]. I had to tell her. And then I&mdash;I&mdash;bought
+      her a sealskin muff, and I just slipped it into her hands and came away.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [illustrating the sense of justice in the Wylie family]. Of course,
+      to be fair to the man, he never pretended he wanted her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. None of them wants her; that&rsquo;s what depresses her. I was thinking,
+      father, I would buy her that gold watch and chain in Snibby&rsquo;s window. She
+      hankers after it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [slapping his pocket]. You&rsquo;re too late, David; I&rsquo;ve got them for
+      her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. It&rsquo;s ill done of the minister. Many a pound of steak has that man
+      had in this house.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. You mind the slippers she worked for him?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. I mind them fine; she began them for William Cathro. She&rsquo;s getting
+      on in years, too, though she looks so young.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. I never can make up my mind, David, whether her curls make her look
+      younger or older.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [determinedly]. Younger. Whist! I hear her winding the clock. Mind,
+      not a word about the minister to her, James. Don&rsquo;t even mention religion
+      this day.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. Would it be like me to do such a thing?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. It would be very like you. And there&rsquo;s that other matter: say not a
+      syllable about our having a reason for sitting up late to-night. When she
+      says it&rsquo;s bed-time, just all pretend we&rsquo;re not sleepy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Exactly, and when&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Here MAGGIE enters, and all three are suddenly engrossed in the dambrod.
+      We could describe MAGGIE at great length. But what is the use? What you
+      really want to know is whether she was good-looking. No, she was not.
+      Enter MAGGIE, who is not good-looking. When this is said, all is said.
+      Enter MAGGIE, as it were, with her throat cut from ear to ear. She has a
+      soft Scotch voice and a more resolute manner than is perhaps fitting to
+      her plainness; and she stops short at sight of JAMES sprawling
+      unconsciously in the company chair.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. James, I wouldn&rsquo;t sit on the fine chair.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. I forgot again.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [But he wishes she had spoken more sharply. Even profanation of the fine
+      chair has not roused her. She takes up her knitting, and they all suspect
+      that she knows what they have been talking about.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. You&rsquo;re late, David, it&rsquo;s nearly bed-time.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [finding the subject a safe one]. I was kept late at the public
+      meeting.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [glad to get so far away from Galashiels]. Was it a good meeting?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Fairish. [with some heat] That young John Shand WOULD make a
+      speech.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. John Shand? Is that the student Shand?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. The same. It&rsquo;s true he&rsquo;s a student at Glasgow University in the
+      winter months, but in summer he&rsquo;s just the railway porter here; and I
+      think it&rsquo;s very presumptuous of a young lad like that to make a speech
+      when he hasn&rsquo;t a penny to bless himself with.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. The Shands were always an impudent family, and jealous. I suppose
+      that&rsquo;s the reason they haven&rsquo;t been on speaking terms with us this six
+      years. Was it a good speech?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [illustrating the family&rsquo;s generosity]. It was very fine; but he
+      needn&rsquo;t have made fun of ME.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [losing a stitch]. He dared?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [depressed]. You see I can not get started on a speech without
+      saying things like &lsquo;In rising FOR to make a few remarks.&rsquo; 
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. What&rsquo;s wrong with it?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. He mimicked me, and said, &lsquo;Will our worthy chairman come for to go
+      for to answer my questions?&rsquo; and so on; and they roared.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [slapping his money pocket]. The sacket.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. I did feel bitterly, father, the want of education. [Without
+      knowing it, he has a beautiful way of pronouncing this noble word.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [holding out a kind hand to him]. David.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. I&rsquo;ve missed it sore, David. Even now I feel the want of it in the
+      very marrow of me. I&rsquo;m ashamed to think I never gave you your chance. But
+      when you were young I was so desperate poor, how could I do it, Maggie?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It wasn&rsquo;t possible, father.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [gazing at the book-shelves]. To be able to understand these books!
+      To up with them one at a time and scrape them as clean as though they were
+      a bowl of brose. Lads, it&rsquo;s not to riches, it&rsquo;s to scholarship that I make
+      my humble bow.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [who is good at bathos]. There&rsquo;s ten yards of them. And they were
+      selected by the minister of Galashiels. He said&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [quickly]. James.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. I mean&mdash;I mean&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [calmly]. I suppose you mean what you say, James. I hear, David,
+      that the minister of Galashiels is to be married on that Miss Turnbull.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [on guard]. So they were saying.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. All I can say is she has made a poor bargain.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [the damned]. I wonder at you, father. He&rsquo;s a very nice gentleman.
+      I&rsquo;m sure I hope he has chosen wisely.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. Not him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [getting near her tragedy]. How can you say that when you don&rsquo;t
+      know her? I expect she is full of charm.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Charm? It&rsquo;s the very word he used.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Havering idiot.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. What IS charm, exactly, Maggie?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Oh, it&rsquo;s&mdash;it&rsquo;s a sort of bloom on a woman. If you have it,
+      you don&rsquo;t need to have anything else; and if you don&rsquo;t have it, it doesn&rsquo;t
+      much matter what else you have. Some women, the few, have charm for all;
+      and most have charm for one. But some have charm for none.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Somehow she has stopped knitting. Her men-folk are very depressed. JAMES
+      brings his fist down on the table with a crash.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [shouting]. I have a sister that has charm.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. No, James, you haven&rsquo;t.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [rushing at her with the watch and chain]. Ha&rsquo;e, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She lets them lie in her lap.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Maggie, would you like a silk?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. What could I do with a silk? [With a gust of passion] You might as
+      well dress up a little brown hen.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [They wriggle miserably.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [stamping]. Bring him here to me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Bring whom, James?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. David, I would be obliged if you wouldn&rsquo;t kick me beneath the
+      table.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [rising]. Let&rsquo;s be practical; let&rsquo;s go to our beds.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [This reminds them that they have a job on hand in which she is not to
+      share.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [slily]. I don&rsquo;t feel very sleepy yet.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Nor me either.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. You&rsquo;ve just taken the very words out of my mouth.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [with unusual politeness]. Good-night to you Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [fixing the three of them]. ALL of you unsleepy, when, as is well
+      known, ten o&rsquo;clock is your regular bed-time?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. Yes, it&rsquo;s common knowledge that we go to our beds at ten.
+      [Chuckling] That&rsquo;s what we&rsquo;re counting on.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Counting on?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. You stupid whelp.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. What have I done?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [folding her arms]. There&rsquo;s something up. You&rsquo;ve got to tell me,
+      David.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [who knows when he is beaten]. Go out and watch, James.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Watch?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [JAMES takes himself off, armed, as MAGGIE notices, with a stick.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [in his alert business way]. Maggie, there are burglars about.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Burglars? [She sits rigid, but she is not the kind to scream.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. We hadn&rsquo;t meant for to tell you till we nabbed them; but they&rsquo;ve
+      been in this room twice of late. We sat up last night waiting for them,
+      and we&rsquo;re to sit up again to-night.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. The silver plate.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. It&rsquo;s all safe as yet. That makes us think that they were either
+      frightened away these other times, or that they are coming back for to
+      make a clean sweep.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. How did you get to know about this?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. It was on Tuesday that the polissman called at the quarry with a
+      very queer story. He had seen a man climbing out at this window at ten
+      past two.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Did he chase him?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. It was so dark he lost sight of him at once.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Tell her about the window.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. We&rsquo;ve found out that the catch of the window has been pushed back
+      by slipping the blade of a knife between the woodwork.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. David.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. The polissman said he was carrying a little carpet bag.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. The silver plate IS gone.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. No, no. We were thinking that very likely he has bunches of keys in
+      the bag.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Or weapons.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. As for that, we have some pretty stout weapons ourselves in the
+      umbrella stand. So, if you&rsquo;ll go to your bed, Maggie&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Me? and my brothers in danger.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. There&rsquo;s just one of them.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. The polissman just saw one.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [licking his palms]. I would be very pleased if there were three of
+      them.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I watch with you. I would be very pleased if there were four of
+      them.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. And they say she has no charm!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [JAMES returns on tiptoe as if the burglars were beneath the table. He
+      signs to every one to breathe no more, and then whispers his news.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. He&rsquo;s there. I had no sooner gone out than I saw him sliding down
+      the garden wall, close to the rhubarbs.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. What&rsquo;s he like?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. He&rsquo;s an ugly customer. That&rsquo;s all I could see. There was a little
+      carpet bag in his hand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. That&rsquo;s him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. He slunk into the rhodydendrons, and he&rsquo;s there now, watching the
+      window.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. We have him. Out with the light.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The room is beautified by a chandelier fitted for three gas jets, but
+      with the advance of progress one of these has been removed and the
+      incandescent light put in its place. This alone is lit. ALICK climbs a
+      chair, pulls a little chain, and the room is now but vaguely lit by the
+      fire. It plays fitfully on four sparkling faces.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Do you think he saw you, James?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. I couldn&rsquo;t say, but in any case I was too clever for him. I looked
+      up at the stars, and yawned loud at them as if I was tremendous sleepy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [There is a long pause during which they are lurking in the shadows. At
+      last they hear some movement, and they steal like ghosts from the room. We
+      see DAVID turning out the lobby light; then the door closes and an empty
+      room awaits the intruder with a shudder of expectancy. The window opens
+      and shuts as softly as if this were a mother peering in to see whether her
+      baby is asleep. Then the head of a man shows between the curtains. The
+      remainder of him follows. He is carrying a little carpet bag. He stands
+      irresolute; what puzzles him evidently is that the Wylies should have
+      retired to rest without lifting that piece of coal off the fire. He opens
+      the door and peeps into the lobby, listening to the wag-at-the-wall clock.
+      All seems serene, and he turns on the light. We see him clearly now. He is
+      JOHN SHAND, age twenty-one, boots muddy, as an indignant carpet can
+      testify. He wears a shabby topcoat and a cockerty bonnet; otherwise he is
+      in the well-worn corduroys of a railway porter. His movements, at first
+      stealthy, become almost homely as he feels that he is secure. He opens the
+      bag and takes out a bunch of keys, a small paper parcel, and a black
+      implement that may be a burglar&rsquo;s jemmy. This cool customer examines the
+      fire and piles on more coals. With the keys he opens the door of the
+      bookcase, selects two large volumes, and brings them to the table. He
+      takes off his topcoat and opens his parcel, which we now see contains
+      sheets of foolscap paper. His next action shows that the &lsquo;jemmy&rsquo; is really
+      a ruler. He knows where the pen and ink are kept. He pulls the fine chair
+      nearer to the table, sits on it, and proceeds to write, occasionally
+      dotting the carpet with ink as he stabs the air with his pen. He is so
+      occupied that he does not see the door opening, and the Wylie family
+      staring at him. They are armed with sticks.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [at last]. When you&rsquo;re ready, John Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [JOHN hints back, and then he has the grace to rise, dogged and
+      expressionless.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [like a railway porter]. Ticket, please.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. You can&rsquo;t think of anything clever for to go for to say now, John.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I hope you find that chair comfortable, young man.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I have no complaint to make against the chair.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [who is really distressed]. A native of the town. The disgrace to
+      your family! I feel pity for the Shands this night.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [glowering]. I&rsquo;ll thank you, Mr. Wylie, not to pity my family.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. Canny, canny.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [that sense of justice again]. I think you should let the young man
+      explain. It mayn&rsquo;t be so bad as we thought.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Explain away, my billie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Only the uneducated would need an explanation. I&rsquo;m a student, [with
+      a little passion] and I&rsquo;m desperate for want of books. You have all I want
+      here; no use to you but for display; well, I came here to study. I come
+      twice weekly. [Amazement of his hosts.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [who is the first to recover]. By the window.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Do you think a Shand would so far lower himself as to enter your
+      door? Well, is it a case for the police?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. It is.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [not so much out of the goodness of her heart as to patronise the
+      Shands]. It seems to me it&rsquo;s a case for us all to go to our beds and leave
+      the young man to study; but not on that chair. [And she wheels the chair
+      away from him.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Thank you, Miss Maggie, but I couldn&rsquo;t be beholden to you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. My opinion is that he&rsquo;s nobody, so out with him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Yes, out with me. And you&rsquo;ll be cheered to hear I&rsquo;m likely to be a
+      nobody for a long time to come.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [who had been beginning to respect him]. Are you a poor scholar?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. On the contrary, I&rsquo;m a brilliant scholar.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. It&rsquo;s siller, then?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [glorified by experiences he has shared with many a gallant soul]. My
+      first year at college I lived on a barrel of potatoes, and we had just a
+      sofa-bed between two of us; when the one lay down the other had to get up.
+      Do you think it was hardship? It was sublime. But this year I can&rsquo;t afford
+      it. I&rsquo;ll have to stay on here, collecting the tickets of the illiterate,
+      such as you, when I might be with Romulus and Remus among the stars.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [summing up]. Havers.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [in whose head some design is vaguely taking shape]. Whist, James. I
+      must say, young lad, I like your spirit. Now tell me, what&rsquo;s your
+      professors&rsquo; opinion of your future.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. They think me a young man of extraordinary promise.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. You have a name here for high moral character.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. And justly.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Are you serious-minded?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I never laughed in my life.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Who do you sit under in Glasgow?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Mr. Flemister of the Sauchiehall High.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Are you a Sabbath-school teacher?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I am.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. One more question. Are you promised?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. To a lady?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Yes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I&rsquo;ve never given one of them a single word of encouragement. I&rsquo;m too
+      much occupied thinking about my career.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. So. [He reflects, and finally indicates by a jerk of the head that
+      he wishes to talk with his father behind the door.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [longingly]. Do you want me too?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [But they go out without even answering him.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I don&rsquo;t know what maggot they have in their heads, but sit down,
+      young man, till they come back.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. My name&rsquo;s Mr. Shand, and till I&rsquo;m called that I decline to sit down
+      again in this house.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Then I&rsquo;m thinking, young sir, you&rsquo;ll have a weary wait.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [While he waits you can see how pinched his face is. He is little more
+      than a boy, and he seldom has enough to eat. DAVID and ALICK return
+      presently, looking as sly as if they had been discussing some move on the
+      dambrod, as indeed they have.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [suddenly become genial]. Sit down, Mr. Shand, and pull in your
+      chair. You&rsquo;ll have a thimbleful of something to keep the cold out?
+      [Briskly] Glasses, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She wonders, but gets glasses and decanter from the sideboard, which
+      JAMES calls the chiffy. DAVID and ALICK, in the most friendly manner, also
+      draw up to the table.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      You&rsquo;re not a totaller, I hope?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [guardedly]. I&rsquo;m practically a totaller.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. So are we. How do you take it? Is there any hot water, Maggie?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. If I take it at all, and I haven&rsquo;t made up my mind yet, I&rsquo;ll take it
+      cold.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. You&rsquo;ll take it hot, James?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [also sitting at the table but completely befogged]. No, I&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [decisively] I think you&rsquo;ll take it hot, James.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [sulking]. I&rsquo;ll take it hot.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. The kettle, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [JAMES has evidently to take it hot so that they can get at the business
+      now on hand, while MAGGIE goes kitchenward for the kettle.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Now, David, quick, before she comes back.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Mr. Shand, we have an offer to make you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [warningly]. No patronage.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. It&rsquo;s strictly a business affair.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Leave it to me, father. It&rsquo;s this&mdash;[But to his annoyance the
+      suspicious MAGGIE has already returned with the kettle.] Maggie, don&rsquo;t you
+      see that you&rsquo;re not wanted?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [sitting down by the fire and resuming her knitting]. I do, David.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. I have a proposition to put before Mr. Shand, and women are out of
+      place in business transactions.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The needles continue to click.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [sighing]. We&rsquo;ll have to let her bide, David.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [sternly]. Woman. [But even this does not budge her.] Very well
+      then, sit there, but don&rsquo;t interfere, mind. Mr. Shand, we&rsquo;re willing, the
+      three of us, to lay out L300 on your education if&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Take care.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [slowly, which is not his wont]. On condition that five years from
+      now, Maggie Wylie, if still unmarried, can claim to marry you, should such
+      be her wish; the thing to be perfectly open on her side, but you to be
+      strictly tied down.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [enlightened]. So, so.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [resuming his smart manner]. Now, what have you to say? Decide.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [after a pause]. I regret to say&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It doesn&rsquo;t matter what he regrets to say, because I decide against
+      it. And I think it was very ill-done of you to make any such proposal.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [without looking at her]. Quiet, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [looking at her]. I must say, Miss Maggie, I don&rsquo;t see what reasons
+      YOU can have for being so set against it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. If you would grow a beard, Mr. Shand, the reasons wouldn&rsquo;t be
+      quite so obvious.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I&rsquo;ll never grow a beard.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Then you&rsquo;re done for at the start.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Come, come.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Seeing I have refused the young man&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Refused!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. That&rsquo;s no reason why we shouldn&rsquo;t have his friendly opinion. Your
+      objections, Mr. Shand?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Simply, it&rsquo;s a one-sided bargain. I admit I&rsquo;m no catch at present;
+      but what could a man of my abilities not soar to with three hundred
+      pounds? Something far above what she could aspire to.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Oh, indeed!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. The position is that without the three hundred you can&rsquo;t soar.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. You have me there.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Yes, but&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. You see YOU&rsquo;RE safeguarded, Maggie; you don&rsquo;t need to take him
+      unless you like, but he has to take you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. That&rsquo;s an unfair arrangement also.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I wouldn&rsquo;t dream of it without that condition.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Then you ARE thinking of it?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Poof!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. It&rsquo;s a good arrangement for you, Mr. Shand. The chances are you&rsquo;ll
+      never have to go on with it, for in all probability she&rsquo;ll marry soon.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. She&rsquo;s tremendous run after.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Even if that&rsquo;s true, it&rsquo;s just keeping me in reserve in case she
+      misses doing better.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [relieved]. That&rsquo;s the situation in a nutshell.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Another thing. Supposing I was to get fond of her?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [wistfully]. It&rsquo;s very likely.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Yes, and then suppose she was to give me the go-by?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. You have to risk that.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Or take it the other way. Supposing as I got to know her I COULD NOT
+      endure her?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [suavely]. You have both to take risks.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [less suavely]. What you need, John Shand, is a clout on the head.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Three hundred pounds is no great sum.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. You can take it or leave it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. No great sum for a student studying for the ministry!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Do you think that with that amount of money I would stop short at
+      being a minister?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. That&rsquo;s how I like to hear you speak. A young Scotsman of your
+      ability let loose upon the world with L300, what could he not do? It&rsquo;s
+      almost appalling to think of; especially if he went among the English.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. What do you think, Miss Maggie?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [who is knitting]. I have no thoughts on the subject either way.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [after looking her over]. What&rsquo;s her age? She looks young, but they
+      say it&rsquo;s the curls that does it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [rather happily]. She&rsquo;s one of those women who are eternally young.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I can&rsquo;t take that for an answer.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. She&rsquo;s twenty-five.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I&rsquo;m just twenty-one.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. I read in a book that about four years&rsquo; difference in the ages is
+      the ideal thing. [As usual he is disregarded.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Well, Mr. Shand?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [where is his mother?]. I&rsquo;m willing if she&rsquo;s willing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Maggie?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. There can be no &lsquo;if&rsquo; about it. It must be an offer.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. A Shand give a Wylie such a chance to humiliate him? Never.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Then all is off.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Come, come, Mr. Shand, it&rsquo;s just a form.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [reluctantly]. Miss Maggie, will you?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [doggedly]. Is it an offer?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [dourly]. Yes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [rising]. Before I answer I want first to give you a chance of
+      drawing back.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [bravely]. When they said that I have been run after they were
+      misleading you. I&rsquo;m without charm; nobody has ever been after me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Oho!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. They will be yet.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [the innocent]. It shows at least that you haven&rsquo;t been after them.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [His hosts exchange a self-conscious glance.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. One thing more; David said I&rsquo;m twenty-five, I&rsquo;m twenty-six.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Aha!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Now be practical. Do you withdraw from the bargain, or do you not?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [on reflection]. It&rsquo;s a bargain.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Then so be it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [hurriedly]. And that&rsquo;s settled. Did you say you would take it hot,
+      Mr. Shand?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I think I&rsquo;ll take it neat.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The others decide to take it hot, and there is some careful business here
+      with the toddy ladles.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Here&rsquo;s to you, and your career.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Thank you. To you, Miss Maggie. Had we not better draw up a legal
+      document? Lawyer Crosbie could do it on the quiet.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Should we do that, or should we just trust to one another&rsquo;s honour?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [gallantly]. Let Maggie decide.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I think we would better have a legal document.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. We&rsquo;ll have it drawn up to-morrow. I was thinking the best way would
+      be for to pay the money in five yearly instalments.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I was thinking, better bank the whole sum in my name at once.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. I think David&rsquo;s plan&rsquo;s the best.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I think not. Of course if it&rsquo;s not convenient to you&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [touched to the quick]. It&rsquo;s perfectly convenient. What do you say,
+      Maggie?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I agree with John.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [with an odd feeling that MAGGIE is now on the other side]. Very
+      well.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Then as that&rsquo;s settled I think I&rsquo;ll be stepping. [He is putting his
+      papers back in the bag.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [politely]. If you would like to sit on at your books&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. As I can come at any orra time now I think I&rsquo;ll be stepping. [MAGGIE
+      helps him into his topcoat.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Have you a muffler, John?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I have. [He gets it from his pocket.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. You had better put it twice round. [She does this for him.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Well, good-night to you, Mr. Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. And good luck.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Thank you. The same to you. And I&rsquo;ll cry in at your office in the
+      morning before the 6:20 is due.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. I&rsquo;ll have the document ready for you. [There is the awkward pause
+      that sometimes follows great events.] I think, Maggie, you might see Mr.
+      Shand to the door.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Certainly. [JOHN is going by the window.] This way, John.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She takes him off by the more usual exit.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. He&rsquo;s a fine frank fellow; and you saw how cleverly he got the
+      better of me about banking the money. [As the heads of the conspirators
+      come gleefully together] I tell you, father, he has a grand business head.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Lads, he&rsquo;s canny. He&rsquo;s cannier than any of us.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. Except maybe Maggie. He has no idea what a remarkable woman Maggie
+      is.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Best he shouldn&rsquo;t know. Men are nervous of remarkable women.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. She&rsquo;s a long time in coming back.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [not quite comfortable]. It&rsquo;s a good sign. H&rsquo;sh. What sort of a
+      night is it, Maggie?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It&rsquo;s a little blowy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She gets a large dustcloth which is lying folded on a shelf, and proceeds
+      to spread it over the fine chair. The men exchange self-conscious
+      glances.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [stretching himself]. Yes&mdash;well, well, oh yes. It&rsquo;s getting
+      late. What is it with you, father?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. I&rsquo;m ten forty-two.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. I&rsquo;m ten-forty.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Ten forty-two.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [They wind up their watches.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It&rsquo;s high time we were bedded. [She puts her hands on their
+      shoulders lovingly, which is the very thing they have been trying to
+      avoid.] You&rsquo;re very kind to me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Havers.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Havers.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [but this does not matter]. Havers.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [a little dolefully]. I&rsquo;m a sort of sorry for the young man, David.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Not at all. You&rsquo;ll be the making of him. [She lifts the two
+      volumes.] Are you taking the books to your bed, Maggie?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Yes. I don&rsquo;t want him to know things I don&rsquo;t know myself.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She departs with the books; and ALICK and DAVID, the villains, now want
+      to get away from each other.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Yes&mdash;yes. Oh yes&mdash;ay, man&mdash;it is so&mdash;umpha.
+      You&rsquo;ll lift the big coals off, David.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [He wanders away to his spring mattress. DAVID removes the coals.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [who would like to sit down and have an argy-bargy]. It&rsquo;s a most
+      romantical affair. [But he gets no answer.] I wonder how it&rsquo;ll turn out?
+      [No answer.] She&rsquo;s queer, Maggie. I wonder how some clever writers has
+      never noticed how queer women are. It&rsquo;s my belief you could write a whole
+      book about them. [DAVID remains obdurate.] It was very noble of her to
+      tell him she&rsquo;s twenty-six. [Muttering as he too wanders away.] But I
+      thought she was twenty-seven.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [DAVID turns out the light.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      ACT II
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      [Six years have elapsed and John Shand&rsquo;s great hour has come. Perhaps his
+      great hour really lies ahead of him, perhaps he had it six years ago; it
+      often passes us by in the night with such a faint call that we don&rsquo;t even
+      turn in our beds. But according to the trumpets this is John&rsquo;s great hour;
+      it is the hour for which he has long been working with his coat off; and
+      now the coat is on again (broadcloth but ill-fitting), for there is no
+      more to do but await results. He is standing for Parliament, and this is
+      election night.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      As the scene discloses itself you get, so to speak, one of John Shand&rsquo;s
+      posters in the face. Vote for Shand. Shand, Shand, Shand. Civil and
+      Religious Liberty, Faith, Hope, Freedom. They are all fly-blown names for
+      Shand. Have a placard about Shand, have a hundred placards about him, it
+      is snowing Shand to-night in Glasgow; take the paste out of your eye, and
+      you will see that we are in one of Shand&rsquo;s committee rooms. It has been a
+      hairdresser&rsquo;s emporium, but Shand, Shand, Shand has swept through it like
+      a wind, leaving nothing but the fixtures; why shave, why have your head
+      doused in those basins when you can be brushed and scraped and washed up
+      for ever by simply voting for Shand?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      There are a few hard chairs for yelling Shand from, and then rushing away.
+      There is an iron spiral staircase that once led to the ladies&rsquo; 
+      hairdressing apartments, but now leads to more Shand, Shand, Shand. A
+      glass door at the back opens on to the shop proper, screaming Civil and
+      Religious Liberty, Shand, as it opens, and beyond is the street crammed
+      with still more Shand pro and con. Men in every sort of garb rush in and
+      out, up and down the stair, shouting the magic word. Then there is a lull,
+      and down the stair comes Maggie Wylie, decidedly overdressed in blue
+      velvet and (let us get this over) less good-looking than ever. She raises
+      her hands to heaven, she spins round like a little teetotum. To her from
+      the street, suffering from a determination of the word Shand to the mouth,
+      rush Alick and David. Alick is thinner (being older), David is stouter
+      (being older), and they are both in tweeds and silk hats.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. David&mdash;have they&mdash;is he? quick, quick! DAVID. There&rsquo;s no
+      news yet, no news. It&rsquo;s terrible.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The teetotum revolves more quickly.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. For God&rsquo;s sake, Maggie, sit down.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I can&rsquo;t, I can&rsquo;t.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Hold her down.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [They press her into a chair; JAMES darts in, stouter also. His necktie
+      has gone; he will never again be able to attend a funeral in that hat.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [wildly]. John Shand&rsquo;s the man for you. John Shand&rsquo;s the man for
+      you. John Shand&rsquo;s the man for you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [clutching him]. Have you heard anything?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. Not a word.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Look at her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Maggie [he goes on his knees beside her, pressing her to him in
+      affectionate anxiety]. It was mad of him to dare.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It was grand of him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [moving about distraught]. Insane ambition.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Glorious ambition.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Maggie, Maggie, my lamb, best be prepared for the worst.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [husky]. I am prepared.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Six weary years has she waited for this night.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Six brave years has John toiled for this night.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. And you could have had him, Maggie, at the end of five. The
+      document says five.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Do you think I grudge not being married to him yet? Was I to
+      hamper him till the fight was won?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [with wrinkled brows]. But if it&rsquo;s lost?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She can&rsquo;t answer.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [starting]. What&rsquo;s that?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The three listen at the door, the shouting dies down.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. They&rsquo;re terrible still; what can make them so still?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [JAMES spirits himself away. ALICK and DAVID blanch to hear MAGGIE
+      speaking softly as if to JOHN.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Did you say you had lost, John? Of course you would lose the first
+      time, dear John. Six years. Very well, we&rsquo;ll begin another six to-night.
+      You&rsquo;ll win yet. [Fiercely] Never give in, John, never give in!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The roar of the multitude breaks out again and comes rolling nearer.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. I think he&rsquo;s coming.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [JAMES is fired into the room like a squeezed onion.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. He&rsquo;s coming!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [They may go on speaking, but through the clang outside none could hear.
+      The populace seems to be trying to take the committee room by assault. Out
+      of the scrimmage a man emerges dishevelled and bursts into the room,
+      closing the door behind him. It is JOHN SHAND in a five guinea suit,
+      including the hat. There are other changes in him also, for he has been
+      delving his way through loamy ground all those years. His right shoulder,
+      which he used to raise to pound a path through the crowd, now remains
+      permanently in that position. His mouth tends to close like a box. His
+      eyes are tired, they need some one to pull the lids over them and send him
+      to sleep for a week. But they are honest eyes still, and faithful, and
+      could even light up his face at times with a smile, if the mouth would
+      give a little help.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [clinging to a chair that he may not fly straight to heaven]. I&rsquo;m in;
+      I&rsquo;m elected. Majority two hundred and forty-four; I&rsquo;m John Shand, M.P.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The crowd have the news by this time and their roar breaks the door open.
+      JAMES is off at once to tell them that he is to be SHAND&rsquo;S brother-in-law.
+      A teardrop clings to ALICK&rsquo;s nose; DAVID hits out playfully at JOHN, and
+      JOHN in an ecstasy returns the blow.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Fling yourself at the door, father, and bar them out. Maggie, what
+      keeps you so quiet now?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [weak in her limbs]. You&rsquo;re sure you&rsquo;re in, John?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Majority 244. I&rsquo;ve beaten the baronet. I&rsquo;ve done it, Maggie, and not
+      a soul to help me; I&rsquo;ve done it alone. [His voice breaks; you could almost
+      pick up the pieces.] I&rsquo;m as hoarse as a crow, and I have to address the
+      Cowcaddens Club yet; David, pump some oxygen into me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Certainly, Mr. Shand. [While he does it, MAGGIE is seeing visions.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. What are you doing, Maggie?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. This is the House of Commons, and I&rsquo;m John, catching the Speaker&rsquo;s
+      eye for the first time. Do you see a queer little old wifie sitting away
+      up there in the Ladies&rsquo; Gallery? That&rsquo;s me. &lsquo;Mr. Speaker, sir, I rise to
+      make my historic maiden speech. I am no orator, sir&rsquo;; voice from Ladies&rsquo; 
+      Gallery, &lsquo;Are you not, John? you&rsquo;ll soon let them see that&rsquo;; cries of
+      &lsquo;Silence, woman,&rsquo; and general indignation. &lsquo;Mr. Speaker, sir, I stand here
+      diffidently with my eyes on the Treasury Bench&rsquo;; voice from the Ladies&rsquo; 
+      Gallery, &lsquo;And you&rsquo;ll soon have your coat-tails on it, John&rsquo;; loud cries of
+      &lsquo;Remove that little old wifie,&rsquo; in which she is forcibly ejected, and the
+      honourable gentleman resumes his seat in a torrent of admiring applause.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [ALICK and DAVID waggle their proud heads.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [tolerantly]. Maggie, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. You&rsquo;re not angry with me, John?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. No, no.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. But you glowered.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I was thinking of Sir Peregrine. Just because I beat him at the poll
+      he took a shabby revenge; he congratulated me in French, a language I
+      haven&rsquo;t taken the trouble to master.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [becoming a little taller]. Would it help you, John, if you were to
+      marry a woman that could speak French?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [quickly]. Not at all.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [gloriously]. Mon cher Jean, laissez-moi parler le francais,
+      voulez-vous un interprete?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Hullo!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Je suis la soeur francaise de mes deux freres ecossais.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [worshipping her]. She&rsquo;s been learning French.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [lightly]. Well done.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [grandly]. They&rsquo;re arriving.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Who?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Our guests. This is London, and Mrs. John Shand is giving her
+      first reception. [Airily] Have I told you, darling, who are coming
+      to-night? There&rsquo;s that dear Sir Peregrine. [To ALICK] Sir Peregrine, this
+      is a pleasure. Avez-vous...So sorry we beat you at the poll.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I&rsquo;m doubting the baronet would sit on you, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I&rsquo;ve invited a lord to sit on the baronet. Voila!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [delighted]. You thing! You&rsquo;ll find the lords expensive.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Just a little cheap lord. [JAMES enters importantly.] My dear Lord
+      Cheap, this is kind of you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [JAMES hopes that MAGGIE&rsquo;s reason is not unbalanced.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [who really ought to have had education]. How de doo, Cheap?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [bewildered]. Maggie&mdash;-
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Yes, do call me Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [grinning]. She&rsquo;s practising her first party, James. The swells are
+      at the door.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [heavily]. That&rsquo;s what I came to say. They are at the door.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Who?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. The swells; in their motor. [He gives JOHN three cards.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. &lsquo;Mr. Tenterden.&rsquo; 
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Him that was speaking for you?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. The same. He&rsquo;s a whip and an Honourable. &lsquo;Lady Sybil Tenterden.&rsquo; 
+      [Frowns.] Her! She&rsquo;s his sister.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. A married woman?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. No. &lsquo;The Comtesse de la Briere.&rsquo; 
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [the scholar]. She must be French.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Yes; I think she&rsquo;s some relation. She&rsquo;s a widow.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. But what am I to say to them? [&rsquo;Mr. Shand&rsquo;s compliments, and he
+      will be proud to receive them&rsquo; is the very least that the Wylies expect.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [who was evidently made for great ends]. Say I&rsquo;m very busy, but if
+      they care to wait I hope presently to give them a few minutes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [thunderstruck]. Good God, Mr. Shand!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [But it makes him JOHN&rsquo;S more humble servant than ever, and he departs
+      with the message.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [not unaware of the sensation he has created]. I&rsquo;ll go up and let the
+      crowd see me from the window.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. But&mdash;but&mdash;what are we to do with these ladies?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [as he tramps upwards]. It&rsquo;s your reception, Maggie; this will prove
+      you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [growing smaller]. Tell me what you know about this Lady Sybil?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. The only thing I know about her is that she thinks me vulgar.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. You?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. She has attended some of my meetings, and I&rsquo;m told she said that.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. What could the woman mean?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I wonder. When I come down I&rsquo;ll ask her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [With his departure MAGGIE&rsquo;S nervousness increases.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [encouragingly]. In at them, Maggie, with your French.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It&rsquo;s all slipping from me, father.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [gloomily]. I&rsquo;m sure to say &lsquo;for to come for to go.&rsquo; 
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The newcomers glorify the room, and MAGGIE feels that they have lifted
+      her up with the tongs and deposited her in one of the basins. They are far
+      from intending to be rude; it is not their fault that thus do swans
+      scatter the ducks. They do not know that they are guests of the family,
+      they think merely that they are waiting with other strangers in a public
+      room; they undulate inquiringly, and if MAGGIE could undulate in return
+      she would have no cause for offence. But she suddenly realises that this
+      is an art as yet denied her, and that though DAVID might buy her
+      evening-gowns as fine as theirs [and is at this moment probably deciding
+      to do so], she would look better carrying them in her arms than on her
+      person. She also feels that to emerge from wraps as they are doing is more
+      difficult than to plank your money on the counter for them. The COMTESSE
+      she could forgive, for she is old; but LADY SYBIL is young and beautiful
+      and comes lazily to rest like a stately ship of Tarsus.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [smiling divinely, and speaking with such a pretty accent]. I
+      hope one is not in the way. We were told we might wait.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [bravely climbing out of the basin]. Certainly&mdash;I am sure if
+      you will be so&mdash;it is&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She knows that DAVID and her father are very sorry for her.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [A high voice is heard orating outside.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [screwing her nose deliciously]. He is at it again, Auntie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Mon Dieu! [Like one begging pardon of the universe] It is Mr.
+      Tenterden, you understand, making one more of his delightful speeches to
+      the crowd. WOULD you be so charming as to shut the door?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [This to DAVID in such appeal that she is evidently making the petition of
+      her life. DAVID saves her.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [determined not to go under]. J&rsquo;espere que vous&mdash;trouvez&mdash;cette&mdash;reunion&mdash;interessante?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Vous parlez francais? Mais c&rsquo;est charmant! Voyons, causons un
+      peu. Racontez-moi tout de ce grand homme, toutes les choses merveilleuses
+      qu&rsquo;il a faites.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I&mdash;I&mdash;Je connais&mdash;[Alas!]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [naughtily]. Forgive me, Mademoiselle, I thought you spoke
+      French.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [who knows that DAVID admires her shoulders]. How wicked of you,
+      Auntie. [To MAGGIE] I assure you none of us can understand her when she
+      gallops at that pace.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [crushed]. It doesn&rsquo;t matter. I will tell Mr. Shand that you are
+      here.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [drawling]. Please don&rsquo;t trouble him. We are really only waiting
+      till my brother recovers and can take us back to our hotel.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I&rsquo;ll tell him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She is glad to disappear up the stair.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. The lady seems distressed. Is she a relation of Mr. Shand?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Not for to say a relation. She&rsquo;s my sister. Our name is Wylie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [But granite quarries are nothing to them.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. How do you do. You are the committee man of Mr. Shand?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. No, just friends.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [gaily to the basins]. Aha! I know you. Next, please! Sybil, do
+      you weigh yourself, or are you asleep?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [LADY SYBIL has sunk indolently into a weighing-chair.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. Not quite, Auntie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [the mirror of la politesse]. Tell me all about Mr. Shand. Was it
+      here that he&mdash;picked up the pin?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. The pin?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. As I have read, a self-made man always begins by picking up a
+      pin. After that, as the memoirs say, his rise was rapid.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [DAVID, however, is once more master of himself, and indeed has begun to
+      tot up the cost of their garments.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. It wasn&rsquo;t a pin he picked up, my lady; it was L300.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [who feels that JOHN&rsquo;s greatness has been outside the conversation
+      quite long enough]. And his rise wasn&rsquo;t so rapid, just at first, David!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. He had his fight. His original intention was to become a minister;
+      he&rsquo;s university-educated, you know; he&rsquo;s not a working-man member.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [with reverence]. He&rsquo;s an M.A. But while he was a student he got a
+      place in an iron-cementer&rsquo;s business.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [now far out of her depths]. Iron-cementer?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. They scrape boilers.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. I see. The fun men have, Sybil!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [with some solemnity]. There have been millions made in scraping
+      boilers. They say, father, he went into business so as to be able to pay
+      off the L300.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [slily]. So I&rsquo;ve heard.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Aha&mdash;it was a loan?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [DAVID and ALICK are astride their great subject now.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. No, a gift&mdash;of a sort&mdash;from some well-wishers. But they
+      wouldn&rsquo;t hear of his paying it off, father!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Not them!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [restraining an impulse to think of other things]. That was kind,
+      charming.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [with a look at DAVID]. Yes. Well, my lady, he developed a perfect
+      genius for the iron-cementing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. But his ambition wasn&rsquo;t satisfied. Soon he had public life in his
+      eye. As a heckler he was something fearsome; they had to seat him on the
+      platform for to keep him quiet. Next they had to let him into the Chair.
+      After that he did all the speaking; he cleared all roads before him like a
+      fire-engine; and when this vacancy occurred, you could hardly say it did
+      occur, so quickly did he step into it. My lady, there are few more
+      impressive sights in the world than a Scotsman on the make.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. I can well believe it. And now he has said farewell to boilers?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [impressively]. Not at all; the firm promised if he was elected for
+      to make him their London manager at L800 a year.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. There is a strong man for you, Sybil; but I believe you ARE
+      asleep.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [stirring herself]. Honestly, I&rsquo;m not. [Sweetly to the others] But
+      would you mind finding out whether my brother is drawing to a close?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [DAVID goes out, leaving poor ALICK marooned. The COMTESSE is kind to
+      him.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Thank you very much. [Which helps ALICK out.] Don&rsquo;t you love a
+      strong man, sleepy head?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [preening herself]. I never met one.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Neither have I. But if you DID meet one, would he wakes you up?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. I dare say he would find there were two of us.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [considering her]. Yes, I think he would. Ever been in love, you
+      cold thing?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [yawning]. I have never shot up in flame, Auntie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Think you could manage it?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. If Mr. Right came along.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. As a girl of to-day it would be your duty to tame him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. As a girl of to-day I would try to do my duty.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. And if it turned out that HE tamed you instead?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. He would have to do that if he were MY Mr. Right.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. And then?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. Then, of course, I should adore him. Auntie, I think if I ever
+      really love it will be like Mary Queen of Scots, who said of her Bothwell
+      that she could follow him round the world in her nighty.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. My petite!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. I believe I mean it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Oh, it is quite my conception of your character. Do you know, I
+      am rather sorry for this Mr. John Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [opening her fine eyes]. Why? He is quite a boor, is he not?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. For that very reason. Because his great hour is already nearly
+      sped. That wild bull manner that moves the multitude&mdash;they will laugh
+      at it in your House of Commons.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [indifferent]. I suppose so.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Yet if he had education&mdash;-
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. Have we not been hearing how superbly he is educated?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. It is such as you or me that he needs to educate him now. You
+      could do it almost too well.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [with that pretty stretch of neck]. I am not sufficiently
+      interested. I retire in your favour. How would you begin?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. By asking him to drop in, about five, of course. By the way, I
+      wonder is there a Mrs. Shand?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. I have no idea. But they marry young.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. If there is not, there is probably a lady waiting for him,
+      somewhere in a boiler.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. I dare say.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [MAGGIE descends.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Mr. Shand will be down directly.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Thank you. Your brother has been giving us such an interesting
+      account of his career. I forget, Sybil, whether he said that he was
+      married.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. No, he&rsquo;s not married; but he will be soon.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Ah! [She is merely making conversation.] A friend of yours?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [now a scorner of herself]. I don&rsquo;t think much of her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. In that case, tell me all about her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. There&rsquo;s not much to tell. She&rsquo;s common, and stupid. One of those
+      who go in for self-culture; and then when the test comes they break down.
+      [With sinister enjoyment] She&rsquo;ll be the ruin of him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. But is not that sad! Figure to yourself how many men with
+      greatness before them have been shipwrecked by marrying in the rank from
+      which they sprang.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I&rsquo;ve told her that.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. But she will not give him up?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. No.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. Why should she if he cares for her? What is her name?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It&rsquo;s&mdash;Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [still uninterested]. Well, I am afraid that Maggie is to do for
+      John. [JOHN comes down.] Ah, our hero!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Sorry I have kept you waiting. The Comtesse?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. And my niece Lady Sybil Tenterden. [SYBIL&rsquo;S head inclines on its
+      stem.] She is not really all my niece; I mean I am only half of her aunt.
+      What a triumph, Mr. Shand!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Oh, pretty fair, pretty fair. Your brother has just finished
+      addressing the crowd, Lady Sybil.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. Then we must not detain Mr. Shand, Auntie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [who unless her heart is touched thinks insincerity charming].
+      Only one word. I heard you speak last night. Sublime! Just the sort of
+      impassioned eloquence that your House of Commons loves.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. It&rsquo;s very good of you to say so.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. But we must run. Bon soir.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [SYBIL bows as to some one far away.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Good-night, Lady Sybil. I hear you think I&rsquo;m vulgar. [Eyebrows are
+      raised.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. My dear Mr. Shand, what absurd&mdash;-
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I was told she said that after hearing me speak.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Quite a mistake, I&mdash;-
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [doggedly]. Is it not true?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [&lsquo;waking up&rsquo;]. You seem to know, Mr. Shand; and as you press me so
+      unnecessarily&mdash;well, yes, that is how you struck me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. My child!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [who is a little agitated]. He would have it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [perplexed]. What&rsquo;s the matter? I just wanted to know, because if
+      it&rsquo;s true I must alter it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. There, Sybil, see how he values your good opinion.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [her svelte figure giving like a fishing-rod]. It is very nice of
+      you to put it in that way, Mr. Shand. Forgive me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. But I don&rsquo;t quite understand yet. Of course, it can&rsquo;t matter to me,
+      Lady Sybil, what you think of me; what I mean is, that I mustn&rsquo;t be vulgar
+      if it would be injurious to my career.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The fishing-rod regains its rigidity.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. I see. No, of course, I could not affect your career, Mr Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [who quite understands that he is being challenged]. That&rsquo;s so, Lady
+      Sybil, meaning no offence.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [who has a naughty little impediment in her voice when she is most
+      alluring]. Of course not. And we are friends again?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Certainly.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. Then I hope you will come to see me in London as I present no
+      terrors.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [he is a man, is JOHN]. I&rsquo;ll be very pleased.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. Any afternoon about five.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Much obliged. And you can teach me the things I don&rsquo;t know yet, if
+      you&rsquo;ll be so kind.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [the impediment becoming more assertive]. If you wish it, I shall do
+      my best.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Thank you, Lady Sybil. And who knows there may be one or two things
+      I can teach you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [it has now become an angel&rsquo;s hiccough]. Yes, we can help one
+      another. Good-bye till then.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Good-bye. Maggie, the ladies are going.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [During this skirmish MAGGIE has stood apart. At the mention of her name
+      they glance at one another. JOHN escorts SYBIL, but the COMTESSE turns
+      back.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Are you, then, THE Maggie? [MAGGIE nods rather defiantly and the
+      COMTESSE is distressed.] But if I had known I would not have said those
+      things. Please forgive an old woman.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It doesn&rsquo;t matter.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. I&mdash;I dare say it will be all right. Mademoiselle, if I were
+      you I would not encourage those tete-a-tetes with Lady Sybil. I am the
+      rude one, but she is the dangerous one; and I am afraid his impudence has
+      attracted her. Bon voyage, Miss Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Good-bye&mdash;but I CAN speak French. Je parle francais. Isn&rsquo;t
+      that right?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. But, yes, it is excellent. [Making things easy for her] C&rsquo;est
+      tres bien.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Je me suis embrouillee&mdash;la derniere fois.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Good! Shall I speak more slowly?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. No, no. Nonon, non, faster, faster.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. J&rsquo;admire votre courage!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Je comprends chaque mot.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Parfait! Bravo!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Voila!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Superbe!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She goes, applauding; and MAGGIE has a moment of elation, which however
+      has passed before JOHN returns for his hat.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Have you more speaking to do, John? [He is somehow in high
+      good-humour.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I must run across and address the Cowcaddens Club. [He sprays his
+      throat with a hand-spray.] I wonder if I AM vulgar, Maggie?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. You are not, but <i>I</i> am.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Not that <i>I</i> can see.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Look how overdressed I am, John. I knew it was too showy when I
+      ordered it, and yet I could not resist the thing. But I will tone it down,
+      I will. What did you think of Lady Sybil?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. That young woman had better be careful. She&rsquo;s a bit of a besom,
+      Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. She&rsquo;s beautiful, John.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. She has a neat way of stretching herself. For playing with she would
+      do as well as another.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She looks at him wistfully.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. You couldn&rsquo;t stay and have a talk for a few minutes?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. If you want me, Maggie. The longer you keep them waiting, the more
+      they think of you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. When are you to announce that we&rsquo;re to be married, John?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I won&rsquo;t be long. You&rsquo;ve waited a year more than you need have done,
+      so I think it&rsquo;s your due I should hurry things now.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I think it&rsquo;s noble of you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Not at all, Maggie; the nobleness has been yours in waiting so
+      patiently. And your brothers would insist on it at any rate. They&rsquo;re
+      watching me like cats with a mouse.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It&rsquo;s so little I&rsquo;ve done to help.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Three hundred pounds.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I&rsquo;m getting a thousand per cent for it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. And very pleased I am you should think so, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Is it terrible hard to you, John?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. It&rsquo;s not hard at all. I can say truthfully, Maggie, that all, or
+      nearly all, I&rsquo;ve seen of you in these six years has gone to increase my
+      respect for you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Respect!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. And a bargain&rsquo;s a bargain.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. If it wasn&rsquo;t that you&rsquo;re so glorious to me, John, I would let you
+      off.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [There is a gleam in his eye, but he puts it out.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. In my opinion, Maggie, we&rsquo;ll be a very happy pair.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She accepts this eagerly.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. We know each other so well, John, don&rsquo;t we?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I&rsquo;m an extraordinary queer character, and I suppose nobody knows me
+      well except myself; but I know you, Maggie, to the very roots of you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She magnanimously lets this remark alone.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. And it&rsquo;s not as if there was any other woman you&mdash;fancied
+      more, John.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. There&rsquo;s none whatever.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. If there ever should be&mdash;oh, if there ever should be! Some
+      woman with charm.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Maggie, you forget yourself. There couldn&rsquo;t be another woman once I
+      was a married man.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. One has heard of such things.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Not in Scotsmen, Maggie; not in Scotsmen.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I&rsquo;ve sometimes thought, John, that the difference between us and
+      the English is that the Scotch are hard in all other respects but soft
+      with women, and the English are hard with women but soft in all other
+      respects.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. You&rsquo;ve forgotten the grandest moral attribute of a Scotsman, Maggie,
+      that he&rsquo;ll do nothing which might damage his career.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Ah, but John, whatever you do, you do it so tremendously; and if
+      you were to love, what a passion it would be.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. There&rsquo;s something in that, I suppose.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. And then, what could I do? For the desire of my life now, John, is
+      to help you to get everything you want, except just that I want you to
+      have me, too.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. We&rsquo;ll get on fine, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. You&rsquo;re just making the best of it. They say that love is sympathy,
+      and if that&rsquo;s so, mine must be a great love for you, for I see all you are
+      feeling this night and bravely hiding; I feel for you as if I was John
+      Shand myself. [He sighs.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I had best go to the meeting, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Not yet. Can you look me in the face, John, and deny that there is
+      surging within you a mighty desire to be free, to begin the new life
+      untrammelled?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Leave such maggots alone, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It&rsquo;s a shame of me not to give you up.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I would consider you a very foolish woman if you did.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. If I were John Shand I would no more want to take Maggie Wylie
+      with me through the beautiful door that has opened wide for you than I
+      would want to take an old pair of shoon. Why don&rsquo;t you bang the door in my
+      face, John? [A tremor runs through JOHN.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. A bargain&rsquo;s a bargain, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [MAGGIE moves about, an eerie figure, breaking into little cries. She
+      flutters round him, threateningly.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Say one word about wanting to get out of it, and I&rsquo;ll put the
+      lawyers on you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Have I hinted at such a thing?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. The document holds you hard and fast.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. It does.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She gloats miserably.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. The woman never rises with the man. I&rsquo;ll drag you down, John. I&rsquo;ll
+      drag you down.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Have no fear of that, I won&rsquo;t let you. I&rsquo;m too strong.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. You&rsquo;ll miss the prettiest thing in the world, and all owing to me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. What&rsquo;s that?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Romance.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Poof.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. All&rsquo;s cold and grey without it, John. They that have had it have
+      slipped in and out of heaven.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. You&rsquo;re exaggerating, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. You&rsquo;ve worked so hard, you&rsquo;ve had none of the fun that comes to
+      most men long before they&rsquo;re your age.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I never was one for fun. I cannot call to mind, Maggie, ever having
+      laughed in my life.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. You have no sense of humour.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Not a spark.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I&rsquo;ve sometimes thought that if you had, it might make you fonder
+      of me. I think one needs a sense of humour to be fond of me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I remember reading of some one that said it needed a surgical
+      operation to get a joke into a Scotsman&rsquo;s head.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Yes, that&rsquo;s been said.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. What beats me, Maggie, is how you could insert a joke with an
+      operation.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [He considers this and gives it up.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. That&rsquo;s not the kind of fun I was thinking of. I mean fun with the
+      lasses, John&mdash;gay, jolly, harmless fun. They could be impudent
+      fashionable beauties now, stretching themselves to attract you, like that
+      hiccoughing little devil, and running away from you, and crooking their
+      fingers to you to run after them.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [He draws a big breath.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. No, I never had that.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It&rsquo;s every man&rsquo;s birthright, and you would have it now but for me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I can do without, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It&rsquo;s like missing out all the Saturdays.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. You feel sure, I suppose, that an older man wouldn&rsquo;t suit you
+      better, Maggie?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I couldn&rsquo;t feel surer of anything. You&rsquo;re just my ideal.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Yes, yes. Well, that&rsquo;s as it should be.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She threatens him again.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. David has the document. It&rsquo;s carefully locked away.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. He would naturally take good care of it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The pride of the Wylies deserts her.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. John, I make you a solemn promise that, in consideration of the
+      circumstances of our marriage, if you should ever fall in love I&rsquo;ll act
+      differently from other wives.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. There will be no occasion, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Her voice becomes tremulous.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. John, David doesn&rsquo;t have the document. He thinks he has, but I
+      have it here.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Somewhat heavily JOHN surveys the fatal paper.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Well do I mind the look of it, Maggie. Yes, yes, that&rsquo;s it. Umpha.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. You don&rsquo;t ask why I&rsquo;ve brought it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Why did you?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Because I thought I might perhaps have the courage and the
+      womanliness to give it back to you. [JOHN has a brief dream.] Will you
+      never hold it up against me in the future that I couldn&rsquo;t do that?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I promise you, Maggie, I never will.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. To go back to The Pans and take up my old life there, when all
+      these six years my eyes have been centred on this night! I&rsquo;ve been waiting
+      for this night as long as you have been; and now to go back there, and
+      wizen and dry up, when I might be married to John Shand!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. And you will be, Maggie. You have my word.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Never&mdash;never&mdash;never. [She tears up the document. He
+      remains seated immovable, but the gleam returns to his eye. She rages
+      first at herself and then at him.] I&rsquo;m a fool, a fool, to let you go. I
+      tell you, you&rsquo;ll rue this day, for you need me, you&rsquo;ll come to grief
+      without me. There&rsquo;s nobody can help you as I could have helped you. I&rsquo;m
+      essential to your career, and you&rsquo;re blind not to see it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. What&rsquo;s that, Maggie? In no circumstances would I allow any meddling
+      with my career.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. You would never have known I was meddling with it. But that&rsquo;s
+      over. Don&rsquo;t be in too great a hurry to marry, John. Have your fling with
+      the beautiful dolls first. Get the whiphand of the haughty ones, John.
+      Give them their licks. Every time they hiccough let them have an extra
+      slap in memory of me. And be sure to remember this, my man, that the one
+      who marries you will find you out.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Find me out?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. However careful a man is, his wife always finds out his failings.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I don&rsquo;t know, Maggie, to what failings you refer.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The Cowcaddens Club has burst its walls, and is pouring this way to raise
+      the new Member on its crest. The first wave hurls itself against the
+      barber&rsquo;s shop with cries of &lsquo;Shand, Shand, Shand.&rsquo; For a moment, JOHN
+      stems the torrent by planting his back against the door.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      You are acting under an impulse, Maggie, and I can&rsquo;t take advantage of it.
+      Think the matter over, and we&rsquo;ll speak about it in the morning.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. No, I can&rsquo;t go through it again. It ends to-night and now. Good
+      luck, John.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She is immediately submerged in the sea that surges through the door,
+      bringing much wreckage with it. In a moment the place is so full that
+      another cupful could not find standing room. Some slippery ones are
+      squeezed upwards and remain aloft as warnings. JOHN has jumped on to the
+      stair, and harangues the flood vainly like another Canute. It is something
+      about freedom and noble minds, and, though unheard, goes to all heads,
+      including the speaker&rsquo;s. By the time he is audible sentiment has him for
+      her own.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. But, gentlemen, one may have too much even of freedom [No, no.] Yes,
+      Mr. Adamson. One may want to be tied. [Never, never.] I say yes, Willie
+      Cameron; and I have found a young lady who I am proud to say is willing to
+      be tied to me. I&rsquo;m to be married. [Uproar.] Her name&rsquo;s Miss Wylie.
+      [Transport.] Quiet; she&rsquo;s here now. [Frenzy.] She was here! Where are you,
+      Maggie? [A small voice&mdash;&lsquo;I&rsquo;m here.&rsquo; A hundred great voices&mdash;&lsquo;Where&mdash;where&mdash;where?&rsquo; 
+      The small voice&mdash;&lsquo;I&rsquo;m so little none of you can see me.&lsquo;]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Three men, name of Wylie, buffet their way forward.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. James, father, have you grip of her?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. We&rsquo;ve got her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Then hoist her up.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The queer little elated figure is raised aloft. With her fingers she can
+      just touch the stars. Not unconscious of the nobility of his behaviour,
+      the hero of the evening points an impressive finger at her.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Gentlemen, the future Mrs. John Shand! [Cries of &lsquo;Speech, speech!&rsquo;]
+      No, no, being a lady she can&rsquo;t make a speech, but&mdash;-
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The heroine of the evening surprises him.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I can make a speech, and I will make a speech, and it&rsquo;s in two
+      words, and they&rsquo;re these [holding out her arms to enfold all the members
+      of the Cowcaddens Club]&mdash;My Constituents! [Dementia.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      ACT III
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      [A few minutes ago the Comtesse de la Briere, who has not recently been in
+      England, was shown into the London home of the Shands. Though not
+      sufficiently interested to express her surprise in words, she raised her
+      eyebrows on finding herself in a charming room; she has presumed that the
+      Shand scheme of decoration would be as impossible as themselves.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It is the little room behind the dining-room for which English architects
+      have long been famous; &lsquo;Make something of this, and you will indeed be a
+      clever one,&rsquo; they seem to say to you as they unveil it. The Comtesse finds
+      that John has undoubtedly made something of it. It is his &lsquo;study&rsquo; (mon
+      Dieu, the words these English use!) and there is nothing in it that
+      offends; there is so much not in it too that might so easily have been
+      there. It is not in the least ornate; there are no colours quarrelling
+      with each other (unseen, unheard by the blissful occupant of the revolving
+      chair); the Comtesse has not even the gentle satisfaction of noting a
+      &lsquo;suite&rsquo; in stained oak. Nature might have taken a share in the
+      decorations, so restful are they to the eyes; it is the working room of a
+      man of culture, probably lately down from Oxford; at a first meeting there
+      is nothing in it that pretends to be what it is not. Our visitor is a
+      little disappointed, but being fair-minded blows her absent host a kiss
+      for disappointing her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He has even, she observes with a twinkle, made something of the most
+      difficult of his possessions, the little wife. For Maggie, who is here
+      receiving her, has been quite creditably toned down. He has put her into a
+      little grey frock that not only deals gently with her personal defects,
+      but is in harmony with the room. Evidently, however, she has not &lsquo;risen&rsquo; 
+      with him, for she is as ever; the Comtesse, who remembers having liked her
+      the better of the two, could shake her for being so stupid. For instance,
+      why is she not asserting herself in that other apartment?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The other apartment is really a correctly solemn dining-room, of which we
+      have a glimpse through partly open folding-doors. At this moment it is
+      harbouring Mr. Shand&rsquo;s ladies&rsquo; committee, who sit with pens and foolscap
+      round the large table, awaiting the advent of their leader. There are
+      nobly wise ones and some foolish ones among them, for we are back in the
+      strange days when it was considered &lsquo;unwomanly&rsquo; for women to have minds.
+      The Comtesse peeps at them with curiosity, as they arrange their papers or
+      are ushered into the dining-room through a door which we cannot see. To
+      her frivolous ladyship they are a species of wild fowl, and she is
+      specially amused to find her niece among them. She demands an explanation
+      as soon as the communicating doors close.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Tell me since when has my dear Sybil become one of these ladies?
+      It is not like her.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+[MAGGIE is obviously not clever enough to understand the woman question.
+Her eye rests longingly on a half-finished stocking as she innocently
+but densely replies:]
+
+ MAGGIE. I think it was about the time that my husband took up their
+cause.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      [The COMTESSE has been hearing tales of LADY SYBIL and the barbarian; and
+      after having the grace to hesitate, she speaks with the directness for
+      which she is famed in Mayfair.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Mrs. Shand, excuse me for saying that if half of what I hear be
+      true, your husband is seeing that lady a great deal too often. [MAGGIE is
+      expressionless; she reaches for her stocking, whereat her guest loses
+      patience.] Oh, mon Dieu, put that down; you can buy them at two francs the
+      pair. Mrs. Shand, why do not you compel yourself to take an intelligent
+      interest in your husband&rsquo;s work?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I typewrite his speeches.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. But do you know what they are about?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. They are about various subjects.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Oh!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Did MAGGIE give her an unseen quizzical glance before demurely resuming
+      the knitting? One is not certain, as JOHN has come in, and this
+      obliterates her. A &lsquo;Scotsman on the make,&rsquo; of whom DAVID has spoken
+      reverently, is still to be read&mdash;in a somewhat better bound volume&mdash;in
+      JOHN SHAND&rsquo;s person; but it is as doggedly honest a face as ever; and he
+      champions women, not for personal ends, but because his blessed days of
+      poverty gave him a light upon their needs. His self-satisfaction, however,
+      has increased, and he has pleasantly forgotten some things. For instance,
+      he can now call out &lsquo;Porter&rsquo; at railway stations without dropping his
+      hands for the barrow. MAGGIE introduces the COMTESSE, and he is still
+      undaunted.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I remember you well&mdash;at Glasgow.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. It must be quite two years ago, Mr. Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [JOHN has no objection to showing that he has had a classical education.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Tempus fugit, Comtesse.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. I have not been much in this country since then, and I return to
+      find you a coming man.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Fortunately his learning is tempered with modesty.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Oh, I don&rsquo;t know, I don&rsquo;t know.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. The Ladies&rsquo; Champion.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [His modesty is tempered with a respect for truth.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Well, well.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. And you are about, as I understand, to introduce a bill to give
+      women an equal right with men to grow beards [which is all she knows about
+      it. He takes the remark literally.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. There&rsquo;s nothing about beards in it, Comtesse. [She gives him time to
+      cogitate, and is pleased to note that there is no result.] Have you typed
+      my speech, Maggie?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Yes; twenty-six pages. [She produces it from a drawer.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Perhaps JOHN wishes to impress the visitor.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I&rsquo;m to give the ladies&rsquo; committee a general idea of it. Just see,
+      Maggie, if I know the peroration. &lsquo;In conclusion, Mr. Speaker, these are
+      the reasonable demands of every intelligent Englishwoman&rsquo;&mdash;I had
+      better say British woman&mdash;&lsquo;and I am proud to nail them to my flag&rsquo;&mdash;-
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The visitor is properly impressed.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Oho! defies his leaders!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. &lsquo;So long as I can do so without embarrassing the Government.&rsquo; 
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Ah, ah, Mr. Shand!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. &lsquo;I call upon the Front Bench, sir, loyally but firmly&rsquo;&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Firm again!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. &mdash;&lsquo;either to accept my Bill, or to promise WITHOUT DELAY to
+      bring in one of their own; and if they decline to do so I solemnly warn
+      them that though I will not press the matter to a division just now&rsquo;&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Ahem!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. &lsquo;I will bring it forward again in the near future.&rsquo; And now
+      Comtesse, you know that I&rsquo;m not going to divide&mdash;and not another soul
+      knows it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. I am indeed flattered by your confidence.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I&rsquo;ve only told you because I don&rsquo;t care who knows now.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Oh!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Somehow MAGGIE seems to be dissatisfied.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. But why is that, John?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I daren&rsquo;t keep the Government in doubt any longer about what I mean
+      to do. I&rsquo;ll show the whips the speech privately to-night.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [who still wants to know]. But not to go to a division is hedging,
+      isn&rsquo;t it? Is that strong?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. To make the speech at all, Maggie, is stronger than most would dare.
+      They would do for me if I went to a division.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Bark but not bite?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Now, now, Maggie, you&rsquo;re out of your depth.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I suppose that&rsquo;s it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The COMTESSE remains in the shallows.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. But what will the ladies say, Mr. Shand?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. They won&rsquo;t like it, Comtesse, but they&rsquo;ve got to lump it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Here the maid appears with a card for MAGGIE, who considers it quietly.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Any one of importance?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. No.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Then I&rsquo;m ready, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [This is evidently an intimation that she is to open the folding-doors,
+      and he makes an effective entrance into the dining-room, his thumb in his
+      waistcoat. There is a delicious clapping of hands from the committee, and
+      the door closes. Not till then does MAGGIE, who has grown thoughtful, tell
+      her maid to admit the visitor.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Another lady, Mrs. Shand?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. The card says &lsquo;Mr. Charles Venables.&rsquo; 
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The COMTESSE is really interested at last.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Charles Venables! Do you know him?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I think I call to mind meeting one of that name at the Foreign
+      Office party.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. One of that name! He who is a Minister of your Cabinet. But as
+      you know him so little why should he call on you?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I wonder.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [MAGGIE&rsquo;s glance wanders to the drawer in which she has replaced JOHN&rsquo;s
+      speech.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Well, well, I shall take care of you, petite.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Do you know him?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Do I know him! The last time I saw him he asked me to&mdash;to&mdash;hem!&mdash;ma
+      cherie, it was thirty years ago.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Thirty years!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. I was a pretty woman then. I dare say I shall detest him now;
+      but if I find I do not&mdash;let us have a little plot&mdash;I shall drop
+      this book; and then perhaps you will be so charming as&mdash;as not to be
+      here for a little while?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [MR. VENABLES, who enters, is such a courtly seigneur that he seems to
+      bring the eighteenth century with him; you feel that his sedan chair is at
+      the door. He stoops over MAGGIE&rsquo;s plebeian hand.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. I hope you will pardon my calling, Mrs. Shand; we had such a
+      pleasant talk the other evening.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [MAGGIE, of course, is at once deceived by his gracious manner.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I think it&rsquo;s kind of you. Do you know each other? The Comtesse de
+      la Briere.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [He repeats the name with some emotion, and the COMTESSE, half
+      mischievously, half sadly, holds a hand before her face.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Comtesse.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Thirty years, Mr. Venables.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [He gallantly removes the hand that screens her face.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. It does not seem so much.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She gives him a similar scrutiny.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Mon Dieu, it seems all that.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [They smile rather ruefully. MAGGIE like a kind hostess relieves the
+      tension.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. The Comtesse has taken a cottage in Surrey for the summer.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. I am overjoyed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. No, Charles, you are not. You no longer care. Fickle one! And it
+      is only thirty years.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [He sinks into a chair beside her.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Those heavenly evenings, Comtesse, on the Bosphorus.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. I refuse to talk of them. I hate you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [But she drops the book, and MAGGIE fades from the room. It is not a very
+      clever departure, and the old diplomatist smiles. Then he sighs a
+      beautiful sigh, for he does all things beautifully.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. It is moonlight, Comtesse, on the Golden Horn.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Who are those two young things in a caique?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Is he the brave Leander, Comtesse, and is she Hero of the Lamp?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. No, she is the foolish wife of the French Ambassador, and he is
+      a good-for-nothing British attache trying to get her husband&rsquo;s secrets out
+      of her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Is it possible! They part at a certain garden gate.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Oh, Charles, Charles!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. But you promised to come back; I waited there till dawn.
+      Blanche, if you HAD come back&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. How is Mrs. Venables?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. She is rather poorly. I think it&rsquo;s gout.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. And you?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. I creak a little in the mornings.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. So do I. There is such a good man at Wiesbaden.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. The Homburg fellow is better. The way he patched me up last
+      summer&mdash;Oh, Lord, Lord!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Yes, Charles, the game is up; we are two old fogies. [They groan
+      in unison; then she raps him sharply on the knuckles.] Tell me, sir, what
+      are you doing here?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Merely a friendly call.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. I do not believe it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. The same woman; the old delightful candour.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. The same man; the old fibs. [She sees that the door is asking a
+      question.] Yes, come, Mrs. Shand, I have had quite enough of him; I warn
+      you he is here for some crafty purpose.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [drawing back timidly]. Surely not?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Really, Comtesse, you make conversation difficult. To show that
+      my intentions are innocent, Mrs. Shand, I propose that you choose the
+      subject.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [relieved]. There, Comtesse.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. I hope your husband is well?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Yes, thank you. [With a happy thought] I decide that we talk about
+      him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. If you wish it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Be careful; HE has chosen the subject.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. <i>I</i> chose it, didn&rsquo;t I?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. You know you did.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [appealingly]. You admire John?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Very much. But he puzzles me a little. You Scots, Mrs. Shand,
+      are such a mixture of the practical and the emotional that you escape out
+      of an Englishman&rsquo;s hand like a trout.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [open-eyed]. Do we?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Well, not you, but your husband. I have known few men make a
+      worse beginning in the House. He had the most atrocious bow-wow
+      public-park manner&mdash;-
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. I remember that manner!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. No, he hadn&rsquo;t.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES [soothingly]. At first. But by his second session he had shed all
+      that, and he is now a pleasure to listen to. By the way, Comtesse, have
+      you found any dark intention in that?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. You wanted to know whether he talks over these matter with his
+      wife; and she has told you that he does not.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [indignantly]. I haven&rsquo;t said a word about it, have I?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Not a word. Then, again, I admire him for his impromptu
+      speeches.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. What is impromptu?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Unprepared. They have contained some grave blunders not so much
+      of judgment as of taste&mdash;-
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [hotly]. <i>I</i> don&rsquo;t think so.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Pardon me. But he has righted himself subsequently in the
+      neatest way. I have always found that the man whose second thoughts are
+      good is worth watching. Well, Comtesse, I see you have something to say.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. You are wondering whether she can tell you who gives him his
+      second thoughts.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Gives them to John? I would like to see anybody try to give
+      thoughts to John.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Quite so.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Is there anything more that has roused your admiration Charles?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES [purring]. Let me see. Yes, we are all much edified by his
+      humour.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [surprised indeed]. His humour? That man!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [with hauteur]. Why not?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. I assure you, Comtesse, some of the neat things in his speeches
+      convulse the house. A word has even been coined for them&mdash;Shandisms.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [slowly recovering from a blow]. Humour!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. In conversation, I admit, he strikes one as being&mdash;ah&mdash;somewhat
+      lacking in humour.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [pouncing]. You are wondering who supplies his speeches with the
+      humour.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Supplies John?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Now that you mention it, some of his Shandisms do have a
+      curiously feminine quality.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. You have thought it might be a woman.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Really, Comtesse&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. I see it all. Charles, you thought it might be the wife!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES [flinging up his hands]. I own up.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [bewildered]. Me?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Forgive me, I see I was wrong.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [alarmed]. Have I been doing John any harm?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. On the contrary, I am relieved to know that there are no
+      hairpins in his speeches. If he is at home, Mrs. Shand, may I see him? I
+      am going to be rather charming to him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [drawn in two directions]. Yes, he is&mdash;oh yes&mdash;but&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. That is to say, Comtesse, if he proves himself the man I believe
+      him to be.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [This arrests MAGGIE almost as she has reached the dining-room door.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [hesitating]. He is very busy just now.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES [smiling]. I think he will see me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Is it something about his speech?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES [the smile hardening]. Well, yes, it is.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Then I dare say I could tell you what you want to know without
+      troubling him, as I&rsquo;ve been typing it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES [with a sigh]. I don&rsquo;t acquire information in that way.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. I trust not.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. There&rsquo;s no secret about it. He is to show it to the whips tonight.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES [sharply]. You are sure of that?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. It is quite true, Charles. I heard him say so; and indeed he
+      repeated what he called the &lsquo;peroration&rsquo; before me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I know it by heart. [She plays a bold game.] &lsquo;These are the
+      demands of all intelligent British women, and I am proud to nail them to
+      my flag&rsquo;&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. The very words, Mrs. Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [looking at her imploringly]. &lsquo;And I don&rsquo;t care how they may
+      embarrass the Government.&rsquo; [The COMTESSE is bereft of speech, so suddenly
+      has she been introduced to the real MAGGIE SHAND]. &lsquo;If the right
+      honourable gentleman will give us his pledge to introduce a similar Bill
+      this session I will willingly withdraw mine; but otherwise I solemnly warn
+      him that I will press the matter now to a division.&rsquo; 
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She turns her face from the great man; she has gone white.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES [after a pause]. Capital.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The blood returns to MAGGIE&rsquo;s heart.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [who is beginning to enjoy herself very much]. Then you are
+      pleased to know that he means to, as you say, go to a division?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Delighted. The courage of it will be the making of him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. I see.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Had he been to hedge we should have known that he was a
+      pasteboard knight and have disregarded him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. I see.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She desires to catch the eye of MAGGIE, but it is carefully turned from
+      her.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Mrs. Shand, let us have him in at once.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Yes, yes, indeed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [MAGGIE&rsquo;s anxiety returns, but she has to call JOHN in.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [impressed]. Mr. Venables! This is an honour.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. How are you, Shand?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Sit down, sit down. [Becoming himself again.] I can guess what you
+      have come about.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Ah, you Scotsmen.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Of course I know I&rsquo;m harassing the Government a good deal&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES [blandly]. Not at all, Shand. The Government are very pleased.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. You don&rsquo;t expect me to believe that?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. I called here to give you the proof of it. You may know that we
+      are to have a big meeting at Leeds on the 24th, when two Ministers are to
+      speak. There is room for a third speaker, and I am authorised to offer
+      that place to you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. To me!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Yes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [swelling]. It would be&mdash;the Government taking me up.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Don&rsquo;t make too much of it; it would be an acknowledgment that
+      they look upon you as one of their likely young men.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. John!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [not found wanting in a trying hour]. It&rsquo;s a bribe. You are offering
+      me this on condition that I don&rsquo;t make my speech. How can you think so
+      meanly of me as to believe that I would play the women&rsquo;s cause false for
+      the sake of my own advancement. I refuse your bribe.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES [liking him for the first time]. Good. But you are wrong. There
+      are no conditions, and we want you to make your speech. Now do you accept?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [still suspicious]. If you make me the same offer after you have read
+      it. I insist on your reading it first.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES [sighing]. By all means.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [MAGGIE is in an agony as she sees JOHN hand the speech to his leader. On
+      the other hand, the COMTESSE thrills.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But I assure you we look on the speech as a small matter. The important
+      thing is your intention of going to a division; and we agree to that also.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [losing his head]. What&rsquo;s that?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Yes, we agree.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. But&mdash;but&mdash;why, you have been threatening to excommunicate
+      me if I dared.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. All done to test you, Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. To test me?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. We know that a division on your Bill can have no serious
+      significance; we shall see to that. And so the test was to be whether you
+      had the pluck to divide the House. Had you been intending to talk big in
+      this speech, and then hedge, through fear of the Government, they would
+      have had no further use for you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [heavily]. I understand. [But there is one thing he cannot
+      understand, which is, why VENABLES should be so sure that he is not to
+      hedge.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES [turning over the pages carelessly]. Any of your good things in
+      this, Shand?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [whose one desire is to get the pages back]. No, I&mdash;no&mdash;it
+      isn&rsquo;t necessary you should read it now.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES [from politeness only]. Merely for my own pleasure. I shall look
+      through it this evening. [He rolls up the speech to put it in his pocket.
+      JOHN turns despairingly to MAGGIE, though well aware that no help can come
+      from her.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. That&rsquo;s the only copy there is, John. [To VENABLES] Let me make a
+      fresh one, and send it to you in an hour or two.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES [good-naturedly]. I could not put you to that trouble, Mrs.
+      Shand. I will take good care of it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. If anything were to happen to you on the way home, wouldn&rsquo;t
+      whatever is in your pocket be considered to be the property of your heirs?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES [laughing]. Now there is forethought! Shand, I think that after
+      that&mdash;! [He returns the speech to JOHN, whose hand swallows it
+      greedily.] She is Scotch too, Comtesse.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [delighted]. Yes, she is Scotch too.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Though the only persons likely to do for me in the street,
+      Shand, are your ladies&rsquo; committee. Ever since they took the horse out of
+      my brougham, I can scent them a mile away.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. A mile? Charles, peep in there.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [He softly turns the handle of the dining-room door, and realises that his
+      scent is not so good as he had thought it. He bids his hostess and the
+      COMTESSE good-bye in a burlesque whisper and tiptoes off to safer places.
+      JOHN having gone out with him, MAGGIE can no longer avoid the COMTESSE&rsquo;s
+      reproachful eye. That much injured lady advances upon her with accusing
+      finger.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. So, madam!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [MAGGIE is prepared for her.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I don&rsquo;t know what you mean.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Yes, you do. I mean that there IS some one who &lsquo;helps&rsquo; our Mr.
+      Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. There&rsquo;s not.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. And it IS a woman, and it&rsquo;s you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I help in the little things.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. The little things! You are the Pin he picked up and that is to
+      make his fortune. And now what I want to know is whether your John is
+      aware that you help at all.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [JOHN returns, and at once provides the answer.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Maggie, Comtesse, I&rsquo;ve done it again!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I&rsquo;m so glad, John.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The COMTESSE is in an ecstasy.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. And all because you were not to hedge, Mr. Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [His appeal to her with the wistfulness of a schoolboy makes him rather
+      attractive.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. You won&rsquo;t tell on me, Comtesse! [He thinks it out.] They had just
+      guessed I would be firm because they know I&rsquo;m a strong man. You little
+      saw, Maggie, what a good turn you were doing me when you said you wanted
+      to make another copy of the speech.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She is dense.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. How, John?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Because now I can alter the end.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She is enlightened.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. So you can!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Here&rsquo;s another lucky thing, Maggie: I hadn&rsquo;t told the ladies&rsquo; 
+      committee that I was to hedge, and so they need never know. Comtesse, I
+      tell you there&rsquo;s a little cherub who sits up aloft and looks after the
+      career of John Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The COMTESSE looks not aloft but toward the chair at present occupied by
+      MAGGIE.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Where does she sit, Mr. Shand?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [He knows that women are not well read.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. It&rsquo;s just a figure of speech.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [He returns airily to his committee room; and now again you may hear the
+      click of MAGGIE&rsquo;s needles. They no longer annoy the COMTESSE; she is
+      setting them to music.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. It is not down here she sits, Mrs. Shand, knitting a stocking.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. No, it isn&rsquo;t.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. And when I came in I gave him credit for everything; even for
+      the prettiness of the room!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. He has beautiful taste.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Good-bye, Scotchy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Good-bye, Comtesse, and thank you for coming.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Good-bye&mdash;Miss Pin.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [MAGGIE rings genteelly.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Good-bye.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The COMTESSE is now lost in admiration of her.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. You divine little wife. He can&rsquo;t be worthy of it, no man could
+      be worthy of it. Why do you do it?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [MAGGIE shivers a little.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. He loves to think he does it all himself; that&rsquo;s the way of men.
+      I&rsquo;m six years older than he is. I&rsquo;m plain, and I have no charm. I
+      shouldn&rsquo;t have let him marry me. I&rsquo;m trying to make up for it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The COMTESSE kisses her and goes away. MAGGIE, somewhat foolishly,
+      resumes her knitting.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Some days later this same room is listening&mdash;with the same
+      inattention&mdash;to the outpouring of JOHN SHAND&rsquo;s love for the lady of
+      the hiccoughs. We arrive&mdash;by arrangement&mdash;rather late; and thus
+      we miss some of the most delightful of the pangs.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      One can see that these two are playing no game, or, if they are, that they
+      little know it. The wonders of the world [so strange are the instruments
+      chosen by Love] have been revealed to JOHN in hiccoughs; he shakes in
+      SYBIL&rsquo;s presence; never were more swimming eyes; he who has been of a
+      wooden face till now, with ways to match, has gone on flame like a piece
+      of paper; emotion is in flood in him. We may be almost fond of JOHN for
+      being so worshipful of love. Much has come to him that we had almost
+      despaired of his acquiring, including nearly all the divine attributes
+      except that sense of humour. The beautiful SYBIL has always possessed but
+      little of it also, and what she had has been struck from her by Cupid&rsquo;s
+      flail. Naked of the saving grace, they face each other in awful rapture.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. In a room, Sybil, I go to you as a cold man to a fire. You fill me
+      like a peal of bells in an empty house.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She is being brutally treated by the dear impediment, for which hiccough
+      is such an inadequate name that even to spell it is an abomination though
+      a sign of ability. How to describe a sound that is noiseless? Let us put
+      it thus, that when SYBIL wants to say something very much there are little
+      obstacles in her way; she falters, falls perhaps once, and then is over,
+      the while her appealing orbs beg you not to be angry with her. We may
+      express those sweet pauses in precious dots, which some clever person can
+      afterwards string together and make a pearl necklace of them.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. I should not ... let you say it, ... but ... you ... say it so
+      beautifully.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. You must have guessed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. I dreamed ... I feared ... but you were ... Scotch, and I didn&rsquo;t
+      know what to think.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Do you know what first attracted me to you, Sybil? It was your
+      insolence. I thought, &lsquo;I&rsquo;ll break her insolence for her.&rsquo; 
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. And I thought... &lsquo;I&rsquo;ll break his str...ength!&rsquo; 
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. And now your cooing voice plays round me; the softness of you,
+      Sybil, in your pretty clothes makes me think of young birds. [The
+      impediment is now insurmountable; she has to swim for it, she swims toward
+      him.] It is you who inspire my work.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [He thrills to find that she can be touched without breaking.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. I am so glad... so proud...
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. And others know it, Sybil, as well as I. Only yesterday the Comtesse
+      said to me, &lsquo;No man could get on so fast unaided. Cherchez la femme, Mr.
+      Shand.&rsquo; 
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. Auntie said that?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I said &lsquo;Find her yourself, Comtesse.&rsquo; 
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. And she?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. She said &lsquo;I have found her,&rsquo; and I said in my blunt way, &lsquo;You mean
+      Lady Sybil,&rsquo; and she went away laughing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. Laughing?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I seem to amuse the woman.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Sybil grows sad.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. If Mrs. Shand&mdash;It is so cruel to her. Whom did you say she had
+      gone to the station to meet?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Her father and brothers.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. It is so cruel to them. We must think no more of this. It is mad...
+      ness.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. It&rsquo;s fate. Sybil, let us declare our love openly.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. You can&rsquo;t ask that, now in the first moment that you tell me of it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. The one thing I won&rsquo;t do even for you is to live a life of
+      underhand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. The... blow to her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Yes. But at least she has always known that I never loved her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. It is asking me to give... up everything, every one, for you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. It&rsquo;s too much.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [JOHN is humble at last.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. To a woman who truly loves, even that is not too much. Oh! it is
+      not I who matter&mdash;it is you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. My dear, my dear.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. So gladly would I do it to save you; but, oh, if it were to bring
+      you down!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Nothing can keep me down if I have you to help me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. I am dazed, John, I...
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. My love, my love.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. I... oh... here...
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Be brave, Sybil, be brave.
+    </p>
+    <h3>
+      SYBIL. ..........
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      [In this bewilderment of pearls she melts into his arms. MAGGIE happens to
+      open the door just then; but neither fond heart hears her.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I can&rsquo;t walk along the streets, Sybil, without looking in all the
+      shop windows for what I think would become you best. [As awkwardly as
+      though his heart still beat against corduroy, he takes from his pocket a
+      pendant and its chain. He is shy, and she drops pearls over the beauty of
+      the ruby which is its only stone.] It is a drop of my blood, Sybil.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Her lovely neck is outstretched, and he puts the chain round it. MAGGIE
+      withdraws as silently as she had come; but perhaps the door whispered &lsquo;d&mdash;n&rsquo; 
+      as it closed, for SYBIL wakes out of Paradise.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. I thought&mdash;-Did the door shut?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. It was shut already.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Perhaps it is only that SYBIL is bewildered to find herself once again in
+      a world that has doors.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. It seemed to me&mdash;-
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. There was nothing. But I think I hear voices; they may have arrived.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Some pretty instinct makes SYBIL go farther from him. MAGGIE kindly gives
+      her time for this by speaking before opening the door.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. That will do perfectly, David. The maid knows where to put them.
+      [She comes in.] They&rsquo;ve come, John; they WOULD help with the luggage.
+      [JOHN goes out. MAGGIE is agreeably surprised to find a visitor.] How do
+      you do, Lady Sybil? This is nice of you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. I was so sorry not to find you in, Mrs. Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The impediment has run away. It is only for those who love it.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Thank you. You&rsquo;ll sit down?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. I think not; your relatives&mdash;-
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. They will be so proud to see that you are my friend.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [If MAGGIE were less simple her guest would feel more comfortable. She
+      tries to make conversation.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. It is their first visit to London?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Instead of relieving her anxiety on this point, MAGGIE has a long look at
+      the gorgeous armful.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I&rsquo;m glad you are so beautiful, Lady Sybil.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The beautiful one is somehow not flattered. She pursues her
+      investigations with growing uneasiness.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. One of them is married now, isn&rsquo;t he? [Still there is no answer;
+      MAGGIE continues looking at her, and shivers slightly.] Have they
+      travelled from Scotland to-day? Mrs. Shand, why do you look at me so? The
+      door did open! [MAGGIE nods.] What are you to do?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. That would be telling. Sit down, my pretty.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [As SYBIL subsides into what the Wylies with one glance would call the
+      best chair, MAGGIE&rsquo;s men-folk are brought in by JOHN, all carrying silk
+      hats and looking very active after their long rest in the train. They are
+      gazing about them. They would like this lady, they would like JOHN, they
+      would even like MAGGIE to go away for a little and leave them to examine
+      the room. Is that linen on the walls, for instance, or just paper? Is the
+      carpet as thick as it feels, or is there brown paper beneath it? Had
+      MAGGIE got anything off that bookcase on account of the worm-hole? DAVID
+      even discovers that we were simpletons when we said there was nothing in
+      the room that pretended to be what it was not. He taps the marble
+      mantelpiece, and is favourably impressed by the tinny sound.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Very fine imitation. It&rsquo;s a capital house, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I&rsquo;m so glad you like it. Do you know one another? This is my
+      father and my brothers, Lady Sybil.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The lovely form inclines towards them. ALICK and DAVID remain firm on
+      their legs, but JAMES totters.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. A ladyship! Well done, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [sharply]. James! I remember you, my lady.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Sit down, father. This is the study.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [JAMES wanders round it inquisitively until called to order.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. You must be tired after your long journey.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [drawing the portraits of himself and partners in one lightning
+      sketch]. Tired, your ladyship? We sat on cushioned seats the whole way.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [looking about him for the chair you sit on]. Every seat in this
+      room is cushioned.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. You may say all my life is cushioned now, James, by this dear man
+      of mine.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She gives JOHN&rsquo;S shoulder a loving pressure, which SYBIL feels is a
+      telegraphic communication to herself in a cypher that she cannot read.
+      ALICK and the BROTHERS bask in the evidence of MAGGIE&rsquo;s happiness.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [uncomfortably]. And is Elizabeth hearty, James?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [looking down his nose in the manner proper to young husbands when
+      addressed about their wives]. She&rsquo;s very well, I thank you kindly.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. James is a married man now, Lady Sybil.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [SYBIL murmurs her congratulations.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. I thank you kindly. [Courageously] Yes, I&rsquo;m married. [He looks at
+      DAVID and ALICK to see if they are smiling; and they are.] It wasn&rsquo;t a
+      case of being catched; it was entirely of my own free will. [He looks
+      again; and the mean fellows are smiling still.] Is your ladyship married?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. Alas! no.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. James! [Politely.] You will be yet, my lady.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [SYBIL indicates that he is kind indeed.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Perhaps they would like you to show them their rooms, Maggie?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Fine would we like to see all the house as well as the sleeping
+      accommodation. But first&mdash;[He gives his father the look with which
+      chairmen call on the next speaker.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. I take you, David. [He produces a paper parcel from a roomy
+      pocket.] It wasn&rsquo;t likely, Mr. Shand, that we should forget the day.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. The day?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. The second anniversary of your marriage. We came purposely for the
+      day.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [his fingers itching to take the parcel from his father]. It&rsquo;s a
+      lace shawl, Maggie, from the three of us, a pure Tobermory; you would
+      never dare wear it if you knew the cost.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The shawl in its beauty is revealed, and MAGGIE hails it with little
+      cries of joy. She rushes at the donors and kisses each of them just as if
+      she were a pretty woman. They are much pleased and give expression to
+      their pleasure in a not very dissimilar manner.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Havers.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Havers.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. Havers.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. It&rsquo;s a very fine shawl.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [He should not have spoken, for he has set JAMES&rsquo;S volatile mind working.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. You may say so. What did you give her, Mr. Shand?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [suddenly deserted by God and man]. Me?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Yes, yes, let&rsquo;s see it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Oh&mdash;I&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [He is not deserted by MAGGIE, but she can think of no way out.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [prompted by the impediment, which is in hiding, quite close]. Did
+      he ... forget?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [There is more than a touch of malice in the question. It is a challenge,
+      and the Wylies as a family are almost too quick to accept a challenge.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [lifting the gage of battle]. John forget? Never! It&rsquo;s a pendant,
+      father.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The impediment bolts. JOHN rises.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. A pendant? One of those things on a chain?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [He grins, remembering how once, about sixty years ago, he and a lady and
+      a pendant&mdash;but we have no time for this.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Yes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [who has felt the note of antagonism and is troubled]. You were slow
+      in speaking of it, Mr. Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [This is her fight.] He was shy, because he thought you might blame
+      him for extravagance.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [relieved]. Oh, that&rsquo;s it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [licking his lips]. Let&rsquo;s see it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [a daughter of the devil]. Where did you put it, John?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [JOHN&rsquo;s mouth opens but has nothing to contribute.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [the impediment has stolen back again]. Perhaps it has been ...
+      mislaid.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The BROTHERS echo the word incredulously.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Not it. I can&rsquo;t think where we laid it down, John. It&rsquo;s not on
+      that table, is it, James? [The Wylies turn to look, and MAGGIE&rsquo;s hand goes
+      out to LADY SYBIL: JOHN SHAND, witness. It is a very determined hand, and
+      presently a pendant is placed in it.] Here it is! [ALICK and the BROTHERS
+      cluster round it, weigh it and appraise it.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Preserve me. Is that stone real, Mr. Shand?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [who has begun to look his grimmest]. Yes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [who is now ready, if he wishes it, to take him on too]. John says
+      it&rsquo;s a drop of his blood.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [wishing it]. And so it is.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Well said, Mr. Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [scared]. And now, if you&rsquo;ll come with me, I think John has
+      something he wants to talk over with Lady Sybil. [Recovering and taking
+      him on.] Or would you prefer, John, to say it before us all?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [gasping]. No!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [flinging back his head]. Yes, I prefer to say it before you all.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [flinging back hers]. Then sit down again.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The WYLIES wonderingly obey.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. Mr. Shand, Mr. Shand!&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Maggie knows, and it was only for her I was troubled. Do you think
+      I&rsquo;m afraid of them? [With mighty relief] Now we can be open.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [lowering]. What is it? What&rsquo;s wrong, John Shand?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [facing him squarely]. It was to Lady Sybil I gave the pendant, and
+      all my love with it. [Perhaps JAMES utters a cry, but the silence of ALICK
+      and DAVID is more terrible.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [whose voice is smaller than we had thought]. What are you to do?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [It is to MAGGIE she is speaking.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. She&rsquo;ll leave it for us to do.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. That&rsquo;s what I want.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The lords of creation look at the ladies.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [interpreting]. You and I are expected to retire, Lady Sybil, while
+      the men decide our fate. [SYBIL is ready to obey the law, but MAGGIE
+      remains seated.] Man&rsquo;s the oak, woman&rsquo;s the ivy. Which of us is it that&rsquo;s
+      to cling to you, John?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [With three stalwarts glaring at him, JOHN rather grandly takes SYBIL&rsquo;S
+      hand. They are two against the world.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [a heroine]. I hesitated, but I am afraid no longer; whatever he
+      asks of me I will do.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Evidently the first thing he asks of her is to await him in the
+      dining-room.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It will mean surrendering everything for him. I am glad it means all that.
+      [She passes into the dining-room looking as pretty as a kiss.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. So that settles it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. I&rsquo;m thinking that doesn&rsquo;t settle it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. No, by God! [But his love for MAGGIE steadies him. There is even a
+      note of entreaty in his voice.] Have you nothing to say to her, man?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I have things to say to her, but not before you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [sternly]. Go away, Maggie. Leave him to us.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [who thinks it is about time that he said something]. Yes, leave him
+      to us.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. No, David, I want to hear what is to become of me; I promise not
+      to take any side.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [And sitting by the fire she resumes her knitting. The four regard her as
+      on an evening at The Pans a good many years ago.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [barking]. How long has this been going on?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. If you mean how long has that lady been the apple of my eye, I&rsquo;m not
+      sure; but I never told her of it until today.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [thoughtfully and without dropping a stitch]. I think it wasn&rsquo;t
+      till about six months ago, John, that she began to be very dear to you. At
+      first you liked to bring in her name when talking to me, so that I could
+      tell you of any little things I might have heard she was doing. But
+      afterwards, as she became more and more to you, you avoided mentioning her
+      name.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [surprised]. Did you notice that?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [in her old-fashioned way]. Yes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I tried to be done with it for your sake. I&rsquo;ve often had a sore
+      heart for you, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. You&rsquo;re proving it!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Yes, James, he had. I&rsquo;ve often seen him looking at me very
+      sorrowfully of late because of what was in his mind; and many a kindly
+      little thing he has done for me that he didn&rsquo;t use to do.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. You noticed that too!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Yes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [controlling himself]. Well, we won&rsquo;t go into that; the thing to be
+      thankful for is that it&rsquo;s ended.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [who is looking very old]. Yes, yes, that&rsquo;s the great thing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. All useless, sir, it&rsquo;s not ended; it&rsquo;s to go on.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. There&rsquo;s a devil in you, John Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [who is an unhappy man just now]. I dare say there is. But do you
+      think he had a walk over, Mr. David?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. Man, I could knock you down!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. There&rsquo;s not one of you could knock John down.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [exasperated]. Quiet, Maggie. One would think you were taking his
+      part.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Do you expect me to desert him at the very moment that he needs me
+      most?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. It&rsquo;s him that&rsquo;s deserting you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Yes, Maggie, that&rsquo;s what it is.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Where&rsquo;s your marriage vow? And your church attendances?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [with terrible irony]. And your prize for moral philosophy?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [recklessly]. All gone whistling down the wind.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. I suppose you understand that you&rsquo;ll have to resign your seat.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [his underlip much in evidence]. There are hundreds of seats, but
+      there&rsquo;s only one John Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [but we don&rsquo;t hear her]. That&rsquo;s how I like to hear him speak.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [the ablest person in the room]. Think, man, I&rsquo;m old by you, and for
+      long I&rsquo;ve had a pride in you. It will be beginning the world again with
+      more against you than there was eight years ago.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I have a better head to begin it with than I had eight years ago.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK [hoping this will bite]. She&rsquo;ll have her own money, David!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. She&rsquo;s as poor as a mouse.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [thinking possibly of his Elizabeth&rsquo;s mother]. We&rsquo;ll go to her
+      friends, and tell them all. They&rsquo;ll stop it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. She&rsquo;s of age.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. They&rsquo;ll take her far away.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I&rsquo;ll follow, and tear her from them.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Your career&mdash;-
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [to his credit]. To hell with my career. Do you think I don&rsquo;t know
+      I&rsquo;m on the rocks? What can you, or you, or you, understand of the passions
+      of a man! I&rsquo;ve fought, and I&rsquo;ve given in. When a ship founders, as I
+      suppose I&rsquo;m foundering, it&rsquo;s not a thing to yelp at. Peace, all of you.
+      [He strides into the dining-room, where we see him at times pacing the
+      floor.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID [to JAMES, who gives signs of a desire to take off his coat]. Let
+      him be. We can&rsquo;t budge him. [With bitter wisdom] It&rsquo;s true what he says,
+      true at any rate about me. What do I know of the passions of a man! I&rsquo;m up
+      against something I don&rsquo;t understand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. It&rsquo;s something wicked.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. I dare say it is, but it&rsquo;s something big.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. It&rsquo;s that damned charm.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [still by the fire]. That&rsquo;s it. What was it that made you fancy
+      Elizabeth, James?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [sheepishly]. I can scarcely say.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It was her charm.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. HER charm!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES [pugnaciously]. Yes, HER charm.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. She had charm for James.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [This somehow breaks them up. MAGGIE goes from one to another with an odd
+      little smile flickering on her face.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Put on your things, Maggie, and we&rsquo;ll leave his house.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [patting his kind head]. Not me, David.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [This is a MAGGIE they have known but forgotten; all three brighten.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. You haven&rsquo;t given in!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The smile flickers and expires.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I want you all to go upstairs, and let me have my try now.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. Your try?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALICK. Maggie, you put new life into me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JAMES. And into me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [DAVID says nothing; the way he grips her shoulder says it for him.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I&rsquo;ll save him, David, if I can.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DAVID. Does he deserve to be saved after the way he has treated you?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. You stupid David. What has that to do with it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [When they have gone, JOHN comes to the door of the dining-room. There is
+      welling up in him a great pity for MAGGIE, but it has to subside a little
+      when he sees that the knitting is still in her hand. No man likes to be so
+      soon supplanted. SYBIL follows, and the two of them gaze at the active
+      needles.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [perceiving that she has visitors]. Come in, John. Sit down, Lady
+      Sybil, and make yourself comfortable. I&rsquo;m afraid we&rsquo;ve put you about.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She is, after all, only a few years older than they and scarcely looks
+      her age; yet it must have been in some such way as this that the little
+      old woman who lived in a shoe addressed her numerous progeny.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I&rsquo;m mortal sorry, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [who would be more courageous if she could hold his hand]. And I
+      also.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [soothingly]. I&rsquo;m sure you are. But as it can&rsquo;t be helped I see no
+      reason why we three shouldn&rsquo;t talk the matter over in a practical way.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [SYBIL looks doubtful, but JOHN hangs on desperately to the word
+      practical.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. If you could understand, Maggie, what an inspiration she is to me
+      and my work.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. Indeed, Mrs. Shand, I think of nothing else.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. That&rsquo;s fine. That&rsquo;s as it should be.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [talking too much]. Mrs. Shand, I think you are very kind to take it
+      so reasonably.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. That&rsquo;s the Scotch way. When were you thinking of leaving me, John?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Perhaps this is the Scotch way also; but SYBIL is English, and from the
+      manner in which she starts you would say that something has fallen on her
+      toes.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [who has heard nothing fall]. I think, now that it has come to a
+      breach, the sooner the better. [His tone becomes that of JAMES when asked
+      after the health of his wife.] When it is convenient to you, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [making a rapid calculation]. It couldn&rsquo;t well be before Wednesday.
+      That&rsquo;s the day the laundry comes home.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [SYBIL has to draw in her toes again.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. And it&rsquo;s the day the House rises. [Stifling a groan] It may be my
+      last appearance in the House.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [her arms yearning for him]. No, no, please don&rsquo;t say that.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [surveying him sympathetically]. You love the House, don&rsquo;t you,
+      John, next to her? It&rsquo;s a pity you can&rsquo;t wait till after your speech at
+      Leeds. Mr. Venables won&rsquo;t let you speak at Leeds, I fear, if you leave me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. What a chance it would have been. But let it go.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. The meeting is in less than a month. Could you not make it such a
+      speech that they would be very loth to lose you?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [swelling]. That&rsquo;s what was in my mind.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [with noble confidence]. And he could have done it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Then we&rsquo;ve come to something practical.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [exercising his imagination with powerful effect]. No, it wouldn&rsquo;t be
+      fair to you if I was to stay on now.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Do you think I&rsquo;ll let myself be considered when your career is at
+      stake. A month will soon pass for me; I&rsquo;ll have a lot of packing to do.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. It&rsquo;s noble of you, but I don&rsquo;t deserve it, and I can&rsquo;t take it from
+      you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Now&rsquo;s the time, Lady Sybil, for you to have one of your inspiring
+      ideas.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [ever ready]. Yes, yes&mdash;but what?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [It is odd that they should both turn to MAGGIE at this moment.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [who has already been saying it to herself]. What do you think of
+      this: I can stay on here with my father and brothers; and you, John, can
+      go away somewhere and devote yourself to your speech?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. Yes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. That might be. [Considerately] Away from both of you. Where could I
+      go?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [ever ready]. Where?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I know.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She has called up a number on the telephone before they have time to
+      check her.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [on his dignity]. Don&rsquo;t be in such a hurry, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Is this Lamb&rsquo;s Hotel? Put me on to the Comtesse de la Briere,
+      please.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [with a sinking]. What do you want with Auntie?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Her cottage in the country would be the very place. She invited
+      John and me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Yes, but&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [arguing]. And Mr. Venables is to be there. Think of the impression
+      you could make on HIM, seeing him daily for three weeks.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. There&rsquo;s something in that.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Is it you, Comtesse? I&rsquo;m Maggie Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. You are not to tell her that&mdash;?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. No. [To the COMTESSE] Oh, I&rsquo;m very well, never was better. Yes,
+      yes; you see I can&rsquo;t, because my folk have never been in London before,
+      and I must take them about and show them the sights. But John could come
+      to you alone; why not?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [with proper pride]. If she&rsquo;s not keen to have me, I won&rsquo;t go.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. She&rsquo;s very keen. Comtesse, I could come for a day by and by to see
+      how you are getting on. Yes&mdash;yes&mdash;certainly. [To JOHN] She says
+      she&rsquo;ll be delighted.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [thoughtfully]. You&rsquo;re not doing this, Maggie, thinking that my being
+      absent from Sybil for a few weeks can make any difference? Of course it&rsquo;s
+      natural you should want us to keep apart, but&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [grimly]. I&rsquo;m founding no hope on keeping you apart, John.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. It&rsquo;s what other wives would do.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I promised to be different.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [his position as a strong man assured]. Then tell her I accept. [He
+      wanders back into the dining-room.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. I think&mdash;[she is not sure what she thinks]&mdash;I think you
+      are very wonderful.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Was that John calling to you?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. Was it? [She is glad to join him in the dining-room.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Comtesse, hold the line a minute. [She is alone, and she has
+      nearly reached the end of her self-control. She shakes emotionally and
+      utters painful little cries; there is something she wants to do, and she
+      is loth to do it. But she does it.] Are you there, Comtesse? There&rsquo;s one
+      other thing, dear Comtesse; I want you to invite Lady Sybil also; yes, for
+      the whole time that John is there. No, I&rsquo;m not mad; as a great favour to
+      me; yes, I have a very particular reason, but I won&rsquo;t tell you what it is;
+      oh, call me Scotchy as much as you like, but consent; do, do, do. Thank
+      you, thank you, good-bye.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She has control of herself now, and is determined not to let it slip from
+      her again. When they reappear the stubborn one is writing a letter.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I thought I heard the telephone again.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [looking up from her labours]. It was the Comtesse; she says she&rsquo;s
+      to invite Lady Sybil to the cottage at the same time.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. Me!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. To invite Sybil? Then of course I won&rsquo;t go, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [wondering seemingly at these niceties]. What does it matter? Is
+      anything to be considered except the speech? [It has been admitted that
+      she was a little devil.] And, with Sybil on the spot, John, to help you
+      and inspire you, what a speech it will be!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [carried away]. Maggie, you really are a very generous woman.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [convinced at last]. She is indeed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. And you&rsquo;re queer too. How many women in the circumstances would sit
+      down to write a letter?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It&rsquo;s a letter to you, John.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. To me?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I&rsquo;ll give it to you when it&rsquo;s finished, but I ask you not to open
+      it till your visit to the Comtesse ends.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. What is it about?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It&rsquo;s practical.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [rather faintly]. Practical? [She has heard the word so frequently
+      to-day that it is beginning to have a Scotch sound. She feels she ought to
+      like MAGGIE, but that she would like her better if they were farther
+      apart. She indicates that the doctors are troubled about her heart, and
+      murmuring her adieux she goes. JOHN, who is accompanying her, pauses at
+      the door.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [with a queer sort of admiration for his wife]. Maggie, I wish I was
+      fond of you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [heartily]. I wish you were, John.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [He goes, and she resumes her letter. The stocking is lying at hand, and
+      she pushes it to the floor. She is done for a time with knitting.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004"> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      ACT IV
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      [Man&rsquo;s most pleasant invention is the lawn-mower. All the birds know this,
+      and that is why, when it is at rest, there is always at least one of them
+      sitting on the handle with his head cocked, wondering how the delicious
+      whirring sound is made. When they find out, they will change their note.
+      As it is, you must sometimes have thought that you heard the mower very
+      early in the morning, and perhaps you peeped in neglige from your lattice
+      window to see who was up so early. It was really the birds trying to get
+      the note.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      On this broiling morning, however, we are at noon, and whoever looks will
+      see that the whirring is done by Mr. Venables. He is in a linen suit with
+      the coat discarded (the bird is sitting on it), and he comes and goes
+      across the Comtesse&rsquo;s lawns, pleasantly mopping his face. We see him
+      through a crooked bowed window generously open, roses intruding into it as
+      if to prevent its ever being closed at night; there are other roses in
+      such armfuls on the tables that one could not easily say where the room
+      ends and the garden begins.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In the Comtesse&rsquo;s pretty comic drawing-room (for she likes the comic touch
+      when she is in England) sits John Shand with his hostess, on chairs at a
+      great distance from each other. No linen garments for John, nor flannels,
+      nor even knickerbockers; he envies the English way of dressing for trees
+      and lawns, but is too Scotch to be able to imitate it; he wears tweeds,
+      just as he would do in his native country where they would be in kilts.
+      Like many another Scot, the first time he ever saw a kilt was on a
+      Sassenach; indeed kilts were perhaps invented, like golf, to draw the
+      English north. John is doing nothing, which again is not a Scotch
+      accomplishment, and he looks rather miserable and dour. The Comtesse is
+      already at her Patience cards, and occasionally she smiles on him as if
+      not displeased with his long silence. At last she speaks:]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. I feel it rather a shame to detain you here on such a lovely
+      day, Mr. Shand, entertaining an old woman.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I don&rsquo;t pretend to think I&rsquo;m entertaining you, Comtesse.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. But you ARE, you know.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I would be pleased to be told how?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She shrugs her impertinent shoulders, and presently there is another
+      heavy sigh from JOHN.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Again! Why do not you go out on the river?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Yes, I can do that. [He rises.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. And take Sybil with you. [He sits again.] No?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I have been on the river with her twenty times.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Then take her for a long walk through the Fairloe woods.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. We were there twice last week.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. There is a romantically damp little arbour at the end of what
+      the villagers call the Lovers&rsquo; Lane.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. One can&rsquo;t go there every day. I see nothing to laugh at.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Did I laugh? I must have been translating the situation into
+      French.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Perhaps the music of the lawn-mower is not to JOHN&rsquo;s mood, for he betakes
+      himself to another room. MR. VENABLES pauses in his labours to greet a
+      lady who has appeared on the lawn, and who is MAGGIE. She is as neat as if
+      she were one of the army of typists [who are quite the nicest kind of
+      women], and carries a little bag. She comes in through the window, and
+      puts her hands over the COMTESSE&rsquo;s eyes.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. They are a strong pair of hands, at any rate.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. And not very white, and biggish for my size. Now guess.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The COMTESSE guesses, and takes both the hands in hers as if she valued
+      them. She pulls off MAGGIE&rsquo;s hat as if to prevent her flying away.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Dear abominable one, not to let me know you were coming.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It is just a surprise visit, Comtesse. I walked up from the
+      station. [For a moment MAGGIE seems to have borrowed SYBIL&rsquo;S impediment.]
+      How is&mdash;everybody?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. He is quite well. But, my child, he seems to me to be a most
+      unhappy man.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [This sad news does not seem to make a most unhappy woman of the child.
+      The COMTESSE is puzzled, as she knows nothing of the situation save what
+      she has discovered for herself.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Why should that please you, O heartless one?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I won&rsquo;t tell you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. I could take you and shake you, Maggie. Here have I put my house
+      at your disposal for so many days for some sly Scotch purpose, and you
+      will not tell me what it is.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. No.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Very well, then, but I have what you call a nasty one for you.
+      [The COMTESSE lures MR. VENABLES into the room by holding up what might be
+      a foaming glass of lemon squash.] Alas, Charles, it is but a flower vase.
+      I want you to tell Mrs. Shand what you think of her husband&rsquo;s speech.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [MR. VENABLES gives his hostess a reproachful look.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Eh&mdash;ah&mdash;Shand will prefer to do that himself. I
+      promised the gardener&mdash;I must not disappoint him&mdash;excuse me&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. You must tell her, Charles.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Please, Mr. Venables, I should like to know.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [He sits down with a sigh and obeys.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Your husband has been writing the speech here, and by his own
+      wish he read it to me three days ago. The occasion is to be an important
+      one; and, well, there are a dozen young men in the party at present, all
+      capable of filling a certain small ministerial post. [He looks longingly
+      at the mower, but it sends no message to his aid.] And as he is one of
+      them I was anxious that he should show in this speech of what he is
+      capable.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. And hasn&rsquo;t he?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Not for the first time MR. VENABLES wishes that he was not in politics.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. I am afraid he has.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. What is wrong with the speech, Charles?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Nothing&mdash;and he can still deliver it. It is a powerful,
+      well-thought-out piece of work, such as only a very able man could
+      produce. But it has no SPECIAL QUALITY of its own&mdash;none of the little
+      touches that used to make an old stager like myself want to pat Shand on
+      the shoulder. [The COMTESSE&rsquo;s mouth twitches, but MAGGIE declines to
+      notice it.] He pounds on manfully enough, but, if I may say so, with a
+      wooden leg. It is as good, I dare say, as the rest of them could have
+      done; but they start with such inherited advantages, Mrs. Shand, that he
+      had to do better.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Yes, I can understand that.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. I am sorry, Mrs. Shand, for he interested me. His career has set
+      me wondering whether if <i>I</i> had begun as a railway porter I might not
+      still be calling out, &lsquo;By your leave.&rsquo; 
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [MAGGIE thinks it probable but not important]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Mr. Venables, now that I think of it, surely John wrote to me that
+      you were dissatisfied with his first speech, and that he was writing
+      another.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The COMTESSE&rsquo;s eyes open very wide indeed.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. I have heard nothing of that, Mrs. Shand. [He shakes his wise
+      head.] And in any case, I am afraid&mdash;[He still hears the wooden leg.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. But you said yourself that his second thoughts were sometimes such
+      an improvement on the first.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The COMTESSE comes to the help of the baggage.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. I remember you saying that, Charles.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Yes, that has struck me. [Politely] Well, if he has anything to
+      show me&mdash;In the meantime&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [He regains the lawn, like one glad to escape attendance at JOHN&rsquo;S
+      obsequies. The COMTESSE is brought back to speech by the sound of the
+      mower&mdash;nothing wooden in it.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. What are you up to now, Miss Pin? You know as well as I do that
+      there is no such speech.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [MAGGIE&rsquo;s mouth tightens.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I do not.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. It is a duel, is it, my friend?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The COMTESSE rings the bell and MAGGIE&rsquo;s guilty mind is agitated.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. What are you ringing for?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. As the challenged one, Miss Pin, I have the choice of weapons. I
+      am going to send for your husband to ask him if he has written such a
+      speech. After which, I suppose, you will ask me to leave you while you and
+      he write it together.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [MAGGIE wrings her hands.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. You are wrong, Comtesse; but please don&rsquo;t do that.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. You but make me more curious, and my doctor says that I must be
+      told everything. [The COMTESSE assumes the pose of her sex in melodrama.]
+      Put your cards on the table, Maggie Shand, or&mdash;[She indicates that
+      she always pinks her man. MAGGIE dolefully produces a roll of paper from
+      her bag.] What precisely is that?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The reply is little more than a squeak.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. John&rsquo;s speech.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. You have written it yourself!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [MAGGIE is naturally indignant.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It&rsquo;s typed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. You guessed that the speech he wrote unaided would not satisfy,
+      and you prepared this to take its place!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Not at all, Comtesse. It is the draft of his speech that he left
+      at home. That&rsquo;s all.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. With a few trivial alterations by yourself, I swear. Can you
+      deny it?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [No wonder that MAGGIE is outraged. She replaces JOHN&rsquo;s speech in the bag
+      with becoming hauteur.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Comtesse, these insinuations are unworthy of you. May I ask where
+      is my husband?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The COMTESSE drops her a curtsey.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. I believe your Haughtiness may find him in the Dutch garden. Oh,
+      I see through you. You are not to show him your speech. But you are to get
+      him to write another one, and somehow all your additions will be in it.
+      Think not, creature, that you can deceive one so old in iniquity as the
+      Comtesse de la Briere.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [There can be but one reply from a good wife to such a charge, and at once
+      the COMTESSE is left alone with her shame. Anon a footman appears. You
+      know how they come and go.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      FOOTMAN. You rang, my lady?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Did I? Ah, yes, but why? [He is but lately from the ploughshare
+      and cannot help her. In this quandary her eyes alight upon the bag. She is
+      unfortunately too abandoned to feel her shame; she still thinks that she
+      has the choice of weapons. She takes the speech from the bag and bestows
+      it on her servitor.] Take this to Mr. Venables, please, and say it is from
+      Mr. Shand. [THOMAS&mdash;but in the end we shall probably call him JOHN&mdash;departs
+      with the dangerous papers; and when MAGGIE returns she finds that the
+      COMTESSE is once more engaged in her interrupted game of Patience.] You
+      did not find him?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [All the bravery has dropped from MAGGIE&rsquo;s face.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I didn&rsquo;t see him, but I heard him. SHE is with him. I think they
+      are coming here.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The COMTESSE is suddenly kind again.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Sybil? Shall I get rid of her?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. No, I want her to be here, too. Now I shall know.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The COMTESSE twists the little thing round.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Know what?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. As soon as I look into his face I shall know.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [A delicious scent ushers in the fair SYBIL, who is as sweet as a milking
+      stool. She greets MRS. SHAND with some alarm.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. How do you do, Lady Sybil? How pretty you look in that frock.
+      [SYBIL rustles uncomfortably.] You are a feast to the eye.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. Please, I wish you would not.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Shall we describe SYBIL&rsquo;S frock, in which she looks like a great
+      strawberry that knows it ought to be plucked; or would it be easier to
+      watch the coming of JOHN? Let us watch JOHN.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. You, Maggie! You never wrote that you were coming.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [No, let us watch MAGGIE. As soon as she looked into his face she was to
+      know something of importance.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [not dissatisfied with what she sees]. No, John, it&rsquo;s a surprise
+      visit. I just ran down to say good-bye.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [At this his face falls, which does not seem to pain her.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [foreseeing another horrible Scotch scene]. To say good-bye?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [thrilling with expectation]. To whom, Maggie?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [deserted by the impediment, which is probably playing with rough
+      boys in the Lovers&rsquo; Lane]. Auntie, do leave us, won&rsquo;t you?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Not I. It is becoming far too interesting.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I suppose there&rsquo;s no reason the Comtesse shouldn&rsquo;t be told, as she
+      will know so soon at any rate?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. That&rsquo;s so. [SYBIL sees with discomfort that he is to be practical
+      also.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It&rsquo;s so simple. You see, Comtesse, John and Lady Sybil have fallen
+      in love with one another, and they are to go off as soon as the meeting at
+      Leeds has taken place.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [The COMTESSE&rsquo;s breast is too suddenly introduced to Caledonia and its
+      varied charms.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Mon Dieu!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I think that&rsquo;s putting it correctly, John.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. In a sense. But I&rsquo;m not to attend the meeting at Leeds. My speech
+      doesn&rsquo;t find favour. [With a strange humility] There&rsquo;s something wrong
+      with it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. I never expected to hear you say that, Mr. Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [wondering also]. I never expected it myself. I meant to make it the
+      speech of my career. But somehow my hand seems to have lost its cunning.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. And you don&rsquo;t know how?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. It&rsquo;s inexplicable. My brain was never clearer.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. You might have helped him, Sybil.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [quite sulkily]. I did.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. But I thought she was such an inspiration to you, Mr. Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [going bravely to SYBIL&rsquo;S side]. She slaved at it with me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Strange. [Wickedly becoming practical also] So now there is
+      nothing to detain you. Shall I send for a fly, Sybil?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [with a cry of the heart]. Auntie, do leave us.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. I can understand your impatience to be gone, Mr. Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [heavily]. I promised Maggie to wait till the 24th, and I&rsquo;m a man of
+      my word.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. But I give you back your word, John. You can go now.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [JOHN looks at SYBIL, and SYBIL looks at JOHN, and the impediment arrives
+      in time to take a peep at both of them.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [groping for the practical, to which we must all come in the end].
+      He must make satisfactory arrangements about you first. I insist on that.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [with no more imagination than a hen]. Thank you, Lady Sybil, but I
+      have made all my arrangements.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [stung]. Maggie, that was my part.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. You see, my brothers feel they can&rsquo;t be away from their business
+      any longer; and so, if it would be convenient to you, John, I could travel
+      north with them by the night train on Wednesday.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. I&mdash;I&mdash;&mdash;The way you put things&mdash;-!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. This is just the 21st.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. My things are all packed. I think you&rsquo;ll find the house in good
+      order, Lady Sybil. I have had the vacuum cleaners in. I&rsquo;ll give you the
+      keys of the linen and the silver plate; I have them in that bag. The
+      carpet on the upper landing is a good deal frayed, but&mdash;-
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. Please, I don&rsquo;t want to hear any more.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. The ceiling of the dining-room would be the better of a new lick
+      of paint&mdash;-
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [stamping her foot, small fours]. Can&rsquo;t you stop her?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [soothingly]. She&rsquo;s meaning well. Maggie, I know it&rsquo;s natural to you
+      to value those things, because your outlook on life is bounded by them;
+      but all this jars on me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Does it?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Why should you be so ready to go?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I promised not to stand in your way.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [stoutly]. You needn&rsquo;t be in such a hurry. There are three days to
+      run yet. [The French are so different from us that we shall probably never
+      be able to understand why the COMTESSE laughed aloud here.] It&rsquo;s just a
+      joke to the Comtesse.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. It seems to be no joke to you, Mr. Shand. Sybil, my pet, are you
+      to let him off?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [flashing]. Let him off? If he wishes it. Do you?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [manfully]. I want it to go on. [Something seems to have caught in
+      his throat: perhaps it is the impediment trying a temporary home.] It&rsquo;s
+      the one wish of my heart. If you come with me, Sybil, I&rsquo;ll do all in a
+      man&rsquo;s power to make you never regret it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [Triumph of the Vere de Veres.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [bringing them back to earth with a dump]. And I can make my
+      arrangements for Wednesday?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [seeking the COMTESSE&rsquo;s protection]. No, you can&rsquo;t. Auntie, I am not
+      going on with this. I&rsquo;m very sorry for you, John, but I see now&mdash;I
+      couldn&rsquo;t face it&mdash;-
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She can&rsquo;t face anything at this moment except the sofa pillows.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [noticing JOHN&rsquo;S big sigh of relief]. So THAT is all right, Mr.
+      Shand!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Don&rsquo;t you love her any more, John? Be practical.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL [to the pillows]. At any rate I have tired of him. Oh, best to tell
+      the horrid truth. I am ashamed of myself. I have been crying my eyes out
+      over it&mdash;I thought I was such a different kind of woman. But I am
+      weary of him. I think him&mdash;oh, so dull.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [his face lighting up]. Are you sure that is how you have come to
+      think of me?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SYBIL. I&rsquo;m sorry; [with all her soul] but yes&mdash;yes&mdash;yes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. By God, it&rsquo;s more than I deserve.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Congratulations to you both.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [SYBIL runs away; and in the fulness of time she married successfully in
+      cloth of silver, which was afterwards turned into a bed-spread.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. You haven&rsquo;t read my letter yet, John, have you?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. No.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [imploringly]. May I know to what darling letter you refer?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It&rsquo;s a letter I wrote to him before he left London. I gave it to
+      him closed, not to be opened until his time here was ended.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [as his hand strays to his pocket]. Am I to read it now?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Not before her. Please go away, Comtesse.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Every word you say makes me more determined to remain.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It will hurt you, John. [Distressed] Don&rsquo;t read it; tear it up.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. You make me very curious, Maggie. And yet I don&rsquo;t see what can be in
+      it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. But you feel a little nervous? Give ME the dagger.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [quickly]. No. [But the COMTESSE has already got it.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. May I? [She must have thought they said Yes, for she opens the
+      letter. She shares its contents with them.] &lsquo;Dearest John, It is at my
+      request that the Comtesse is having Lady Sybil at the cottage at the same
+      time as yourself.&rsquo; 
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. What?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Yes, she begged me to invite you together.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. But why?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I promised you not to behave as other wives would do.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. It&rsquo;s not understandable.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. &lsquo;You may ask why I do this, John, and my reason is, I think that
+      after a few weeks of Lady Sybil, every day, and all day, you will become
+      sick to death of her. I am also giving her the chance to help you and
+      inspire you with your work, so that you may both learn what her help and
+      her inspiration amount to. Of course, if your love is the great strong
+      passion you think it, then those weeks will make you love her more than
+      ever and I can only say good-bye. But if, as I suspect, you don&rsquo;t even now
+      know what true love is, then by the next time we meet, dear John, you will
+      have had enough of her.&mdash;Your affectionate wife, Maggie.&rsquo; Oh, why was
+      not Sybil present at the reading of the will! And now, if you two will
+      kindly excuse me, I think I must go and get that poor sufferer the eau de
+      Cologne.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. It&rsquo;s almost enough to make a man lose faith in himself.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Oh, don&rsquo;t say that, Mr. Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [defending him]. You mustn&rsquo;t hurt him. If you haven&rsquo;t loved deep
+      and true, that&rsquo;s just because you have never met a woman yet, John,
+      capable of inspiring it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [putting her hand on MAGGIE&rsquo;s shoulder]. Have you not, Mr. Shand?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I see what you mean. But Maggie wouldn&rsquo;t think better of me for any
+      false pretences. She knows my feelings for her now are neither more nor
+      less than what they have always been.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [who sees that he is looking at her as solemnly as a volume of
+      sermons printed by request]. I think no one could be fond of me that can&rsquo;t
+      laugh a little at me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. How could that help?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [exasperated]. Mr. Shand, I give you up.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I admire his honesty.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Oh, I give you up also. Arcades ambo. Scotchies both.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [when she has gone]. But this letter, it&rsquo;s not like you. By Gosh,
+      Maggie, you&rsquo;re no fool.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [She beams at this, as any wife would.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But how could I have made such a mistake? It&rsquo;s not like a strong man.
+      [Evidently he has an inspiration.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. What is it?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [the inspiration]. AM I a strong man?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. You? Of course you are. And self-made. Has anybody ever helped you
+      in the smallest way?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [thinking it out again]. No, nobody.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Not even Lady Sybil?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I&rsquo;m beginning to doubt it. It&rsquo;s very curious, though, Maggie, that
+      this speech should be disappointing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It&rsquo;s just that Mr. Venables hasn&rsquo;t the brains to see how good it
+      is.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. That must be it. [But he is too good a man to rest satisfied with
+      this.] No, Maggie, it&rsquo;s not. Somehow I seem to have lost my neat way of
+      saying things.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [almost cooing]. It will come back to you.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [forlorn]. If you knew how I&rsquo;ve tried.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [cautiously]. Maybe if you were to try again; and I&rsquo;ll just come
+      and sit beside you, and knit. I think the click of the needles sometimes
+      put you in the mood.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Hardly that; and yet many a Shandism have I knocked off while you
+      were sitting beside me knitting. I suppose it was the quietness.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Very likely.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [with another inspiration]. Maggie!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [again]. What is it, John?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. What if it was you that put those queer ideas into my head!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Me?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. Without your knowing it, I mean.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. But how?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. We used to talk bits over; and it may be that you dropped the seed,
+      so to speak.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. John, could it be this, that I sometimes had the idea in a rough
+      womanish sort of way and then you polished it up till it came out a
+      Shandism?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [slowly slapping his knee]. I believe you&rsquo;ve hit it, Maggie: to think
+      that you may have been helping me all the time&mdash;and neither of us
+      knew it!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [He has so nearly reached a smile that no one can say what might have
+      happened within the next moment if the COMTESSE had not reappeared.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. Mr. Venables wishes to see you, Mr. Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [lost, stolen, or strayed a smile in the making]. Hum!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. He is coming now.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [grumpy]. Indeed!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [sweetly]. It is about your speech.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. He has said all he need say on that subject, and more.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [quaking a little]. I think it is about the second speech.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. What second speech?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [MAGGIE runs to her bag and opens it.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [horrified]. Comtesse, you have given it to him!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE [impudently]. Wasn&rsquo;t I meant to?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. What is it? What second speech?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Cruel, cruel. [Willing to go on her knees] You had left the first
+      draft of your speech at home, John, and I brought it here with&mdash;with
+      a few little things I&rsquo;ve added myself.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [a seven-footer]. What&rsquo;s that?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [four foot ten at most]. Just trifles&mdash;things I was to suggest
+      to you&mdash;while I was knitting&mdash;and then, if you liked any of them
+      you could have polished them&mdash;and turned them into something good.
+      John, John&mdash;and now she has shown it to Mr. Venables.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [thundering]. As my work, Comtesse?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [But the COMTESSE is not of the women who are afraid of thunder.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. It is your work&mdash;nine-tenths of it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN [in the black cap]. You presumed, Maggie Shand! Very well, then, here
+      he comes, and now we&rsquo;ll see to what extent you&rsquo;ve helped me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. My dear fellow. My dear Shand, I congratulate you. Give me your
+      hand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. The speech?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. You have improved it out of knowledge. It is the same speech,
+      but those new touches make all the difference. [JOHN sits down heavily.]
+      Mrs. Shand, be proud of him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. I am. I am, John.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. You always said that his second thoughts were best, Charles.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES [pleased to be reminded of it]. Didn&rsquo;t I, didn&rsquo;t I? Those
+      delicious little touches! How good that is, Shand, about the flowing tide.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. The flowing tide?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. In the first speech it was something like this&mdash;&lsquo;Gentlemen,
+      the Opposition are calling to you to vote for them and the flowing tide,
+      but I solemnly warn you to beware lest the flowing tide does not engulf
+      you.&rsquo; The second way is much better.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. What is the second way, Mr. Shand?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [JOHN does not tell her.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. This is how he puts it now. [JOHN cannot help raising his head
+      to listen.] &lsquo;Gentlemen, the Opposition are calling to you to vote for them
+      and the flowing tide, but I ask you cheerfully to vote for us and DAM the
+      flowing tide.&rsquo; 
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [VENABLES and his old friend the COMTESSE laugh heartily, but for
+      different reasons.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      COMTESSE. It IS better, Mr. Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. <i>I</i> don&rsquo;t think so.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. Yes, yes, it&rsquo;s so virile. Excuse me, Comtesse, I&rsquo;m off to read
+      the whole thing again. [For the first time he notices that JOHN is
+      strangely quiet.] I think this has rather bowled you over, Shand.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [JOHN&rsquo;s head sinks lower.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Well, well, good news doesn&rsquo;t kill.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE [counsel for the defence]. Surely the important thing about the
+      speech is its strength and knowledge and eloquence, the things that were
+      in the first speech as well as in the second.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      VENABLES. That of course is largely true. The wit would not be enough
+      without them, just as they were not enough without the wit. It is the
+      combination that is irresistible. [JOHN&rsquo;s head rises a little.] Shand, you
+      are our man, remember that, it is emphatically the best thing you have
+      ever done. How this will go down at Leeds!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [He returns gaily to his hammock; but lower sinks JOHN&rsquo;S head, and even
+      the COMTESSE has the grace to take herself off. MAGGIE&rsquo;s arms flutter near
+      her husband, not daring to alight.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. You heard what he said, John. It&rsquo;s the combination. Is it so
+      terrible to you to find that my love for you had made me able to help you
+      in the little things?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. The little things! It seems strange to me to hear you call me by my
+      name, Maggie. It&rsquo;s as if I looked on you for the first time.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Look at me, John, for the first time. What do you see?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I see a woman who has brought her husband low.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Only that?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I see the tragedy of a man who has found himself out. Eh, I can&rsquo;t
+      live with you again, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [He shivers.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Why did you shiver, John?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. It was at myself for saying that I couldn&rsquo;t live with you again,
+      when I should have been wondering how for so long you have lived with me.
+      And I suppose you have forgiven me all the time. [She nods.] And forgive
+      me still? [She nods again.] Dear God!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. John, am I to go? or are you to keep me on? [She is now a little
+      bundle near his feet.] I&rsquo;m willing to stay because I&rsquo;m useful to you, if
+      it can&rsquo;t be for a better reason. [His hand feels for her, and the bundle
+      wriggles nearer.] It&rsquo;s nothing unusual I&rsquo;ve done, John. Every man who is
+      high up loves to think that he has done it all himself; and the wife
+      smiles, and lets it go at that. It&rsquo;s our only joke. Every woman knows
+      that. [He stares at her in hopeless perplexity.] Oh, John, if only you
+      could laugh at me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      JOHN. I can&rsquo;t laugh, Maggie.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [But as he continues to stare at her a strange disorder appears in his
+      face. MAGGIE feels that it is to be now or never.]
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MAGGIE. Laugh, John, laugh. Watch me; see how easy it is.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      [A terrible struggle is taking place within him. He creaks. Something that
+      may be mirth forces a passage, at first painfully, no more joy in it than
+      in the discoloured water from a spring that has long been dry. Soon,
+      however, he laughs loud and long. The spring water is becoming clear.
+      MAGGIE claps her hands. He is saved.]
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 6em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
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+</pre>
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+  </body>
+</html>
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of What Every Woman Knows, by James M. Barrie
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: What Every Woman Knows
+
+Author: James M. Barrie
+
+
+Release Date: May, 2004  [EBook #5654]
+This file was first posted on August 5, 2002
+Last Updated: April 23, 2013
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHAT EVERY WOMAN KNOWS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Moynihan, Charles Franks and the Online
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+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+WHAT EVERY WOMAN KNOWS
+
+By James M. Barrie
+
+
+
+
+ACT I
+
+James Wylie is about to make a move on the dambrod, and in the little
+Scotch room there is an awful silence befitting the occasion. James with
+his hand poised--for if he touches a piece he has to play it, Alick
+will see to that--raises his red head suddenly to read Alick's face. His
+father, who is Alick, is pretending to be in a panic lest James should
+make this move. James grins heartlessly, and his fingers are about to
+close on the 'man' when some instinct of self-preservation makes him
+peep once more. This time Alick is caught: the unholy ecstasy on
+his face tells as plain as porridge that he has been luring James to
+destruction. James glares; and, too late, his opponent is a simple old
+father again. James mops his head, sprawls in the manner most conducive
+to thought in the Wylie family, and, protruding his underlip, settles
+down to a reconsideration of the board. Alick blows out his cheeks, and
+a drop of water settles on the point of his nose.
+
+You will find them thus any Saturday night (after family worship, which
+sends the servant to bed); and sometimes the pauses are so long that in
+the end they forget whose move it is.
+
+It is not the room you would be shown into if you were calling socially
+on Miss Wylie. The drawing-room for you, and Miss Wylie in a coloured
+merino to receive you; very likely she would exclaim, "This is a
+pleasant surprise!" though she has seen you coming up the avenue and has
+just had time to whip the dustcloths off the chairs, and to warn Alick,
+David and James, that they had better not dare come in to see you before
+they have put on a dickey. Nor is this the room in which you would dine
+in solemn grandeur if invited to drop in and take pot-luck, which is how
+the Wylies invite, it being a family weakness to pretend that they sit
+down in the dining-room daily. It is the real living-room of the house,
+where Alick, who will never get used to fashionable ways, can take off
+his collar and sit happily in his stocking soles, and James at times
+would do so also; but catch Maggie letting him.
+
+There is one very fine chair, but, heavens, not for sitting on; just to
+give the room a social standing in an emergency. It sneers at the other
+chairs with an air of insolent superiority, like a haughty bride who
+has married into the house for money. Otherwise the furniture is homely;
+most of it has come from that smaller house where the Wylies began.
+There is the large and shiny chair which can be turned into a bed if you
+look the other way for a moment. James cannot sit on this chair without
+gradually sliding down it till he is lying luxuriously on the small of
+his back, his legs indicating, like the hands of a clock, that it is ten
+past twelve; a position in which Maggie shudders to see him receiving
+company.
+
+The other chairs are horse-hair, than which nothing is more comfortable
+if there be a good slit down the seat. The seats are heavily dented,
+because all the Wylie family sit down with a dump. The draught-board
+is on the edge of a large centre table, which also displays four books
+placed at equal distances from each other, one of them a Bible, and
+another the family album. If these were the only books they would not
+justify Maggie in calling this chamber the library, her dogged name for
+it; while David and James call it the west-room and Alick calls it 'the
+room,' which is to him the natural name for any apartment without a bed
+in it. There is a bookcase of pitch pine, which contains six hundred
+books, with glass doors to prevent your getting at them.
+
+No one does try to get at the books, for the Wylies are not a reading
+family. They like you to gasp when you see so much literature gathered
+together in one prison-house, but they gasp themselves at the thought
+that there are persons, chiefly clergymen, who, having finished one
+book, coolly begin another. Nevertheless it was not all vainglory
+that made David buy this library: it was rather a mighty respect for
+education, as something that he has missed. This same feeling makes him
+take in the Contemporary Review and stand up to it like a man. Alick,
+who also has a respect for education, tries to read the Contemporary,
+but becomes dispirited, and may be heard muttering over its pages, 'No,
+no use, no use, no,' and sometimes even 'Oh hell.' James has no respect
+for education; and Maggie is at present of an open mind.
+
+They are Wylie and Sons of the local granite quarry, in which Alick was
+throughout his working days a mason. It is David who has raised them to
+this position; he climbed up himself step by step (and hewed the steps),
+and drew the others up after him. 'Wylie Brothers,' Alick would have had
+the firm called, but David said No, and James said No, and Maggie said
+No; first honour must be to their father; and Alick now likes it on the
+whole, though he often sighs at having to shave every day; and on some
+snell mornings he still creeps from his couch at four and even at two
+(thinking that his mallet and chisel are calling him), and begins to
+pull on his trousers, until the grandeur of them reminds him that he can
+go to bed again. Sometimes he cries a little, because there is no more
+work for him to do for ever and ever; and then Maggie gives him a spade
+(without telling David) or David gives him the logs to saw (without
+telling Maggie).
+
+We have given James a longer time to make his move than our kind
+friends in front will give him, but in the meantime something has been
+happening. David has come in, wearing a black coat and his Sabbath
+boots, for he has been to a public meeting. David is nigh forty years of
+age, whiskered like his father and brother (Alick's whiskers being worn
+as a sort of cravat round the neck), and he has the too brisk manner of
+one who must arrive anywhere a little before any one else. The painter
+who did the three of them for fifteen pounds (you may observe the
+canvases on the walls) has caught this characteristic, perhaps
+accidentally, for David is almost stepping out of his frame, as if to
+hurry off somewhere; while Alick and James look as if they were pinned
+to the wall for life. All the six of them, men and pictures, however,
+have a family resemblance, like granite blocks from their own quarry.
+They are as Scotch as peat for instance, and they might exchange eyes
+without any neighbour noticing the difference, inquisitive little blue
+eyes that seem to be always totting up the price of things.
+
+The dambrod players pay no attention to David, nor does he regard them.
+Dumping down on the sofa he removes his 'lastic sides, as his Sabbath
+boots are called, by pushing one foot against the other, gets into a
+pair of hand-sewn slippers, deposits the boots as according to rule in
+the ottoman, and crosses to the fire. There must be something on David's
+mind to-night, for he pays no attention to the game, neither gives
+advice (than which nothing is more maddening) nor exchanges a wink with
+Alick over the parlous condition of James's crown. You can hear the
+wag-at-the-wall clock in the lobby ticking. Then David lets himself go;
+it runs out of him like a hymn:--
+
+
+DAVID. Oh, let the solid ground Not fail beneath my feet, Before my life
+has found What some have found so sweet.
+
+[This is not a soliloquy, but is offered as a definite statement. The
+players emerge from their game with difficulty.]
+
+ALICK [with JAMES's crown in his hand]. What's that you're saying,
+David?
+
+DAVID [like a public speaker explaining the situation in a few
+well-chosen words]. The thing I'm speaking about is Love.
+
+JAMES [keeping control of himself]. Do you stand there and say you're in
+love, David Wylie?
+
+DAVID. Me; what would I do with the thing?
+
+JAMES [who is by no means without pluck]. I see no necessity for calling
+it a thing.
+
+[They are two bachelors who all their lives have been afraid of nothing
+but Woman. DAVID in his sportive days--which continue--has done roguish
+things with his arm when conducting a lady home under an umbrella from
+a soiree, and has both chuckled and been scared on thinking of it
+afterwards. JAMES, a commoner fellow altogether, has discussed the sex
+over a glass, but is too canny to be in the company of less than two
+young women at a time.]
+
+DAVID [derisively]. Oho, has she got you, James?
+
+JAMES [feeling the sting of it]. Nobody has got me.
+
+DAVID. They'll catch you yet, lad.
+
+JAMES. They'll never catch me. You've been nearer catched yourself.
+
+ALICK. Yes, Kitty Menzies, David.
+
+DAVID [feeling himself under the umbrella]. It was a kind of a shave
+that.
+
+ALICK [who knows all that is to be known about women and can speak of
+them without a tremor]. It's a curious thing, but a man cannot help
+winking when he hears that one of his friends has been catched.
+
+DAVID. That's so.
+
+JAMES [clinging to his manhood]. And fear of that wink is what has kept
+the two of us single men. And yet what's the glory of being single?
+
+DAVID. There's no particular glory in it, but it's safe.
+
+JAMES [putting away his aspirations]. Yes, it's lonely, but it's safe.
+But who did you mean the poetry for, then?
+
+DAVID. For Maggie, of course.
+
+[You don't know DAVID and JAMES till you know how they love their sister
+MAGGIE.]
+
+ALICK. I thought that.
+
+DAVID [coming to the second point of his statement about Love]. I saw
+her reading poetry and saying those words over to herself.
+
+JAMES. She has such a poetical mind.
+
+DAVID. Love. There's no doubt as that's what Maggie has set her heart
+on. And not merely love, but one of those grand noble loves; for though
+Maggie is undersized she has a passion for romance.
+
+JAMES [wandering miserably about the room]. It's terrible not to be able
+to give Maggie what her heart is set on.
+
+[The others never pay much attention to JAMES, though he is quite a
+smart figure in less important houses.]
+
+ALICK [violently]. Those idiots of men.
+
+DAVID. Father, did you tell her who had got the minister of Galashiels?
+
+ALICK [wagging his head sadly]. I had to tell her. And then I--I--bought
+her a sealskin muff, and I just slipped it into her hands and came away.
+
+JAMES [illustrating the sense of justice in the Wylie family]. Of
+course, to be fair to the man, he never pretended he wanted her.
+
+DAVID. None of them wants her; that's what depresses her. I was
+thinking, father, I would buy her that gold watch and chain in Snibby's
+window. She hankers after it.
+
+JAMES [slapping his pocket]. You're too late, David; I've got them for
+her.
+
+DAVID. It's ill done of the minister. Many a pound of steak has that man
+had in this house.
+
+ALICK. You mind the slippers she worked for him?
+
+JAMES. I mind them fine; she began them for William Cathro. She's
+getting on in years, too, though she looks so young.
+
+ALICK. I never can make up my mind, David, whether her curls make her
+look younger or older.
+
+DAVID [determinedly]. Younger. Whist! I hear her winding the clock.
+Mind, not a word about the minister to her, James. Don't even mention
+religion this day.
+
+JAMES. Would it be like me to do such a thing?
+
+DAVID. It would be very like you. And there's that other matter: say not
+a syllable about our having a reason for sitting up late to-night. When
+she says it's bed-time, just all pretend we're not sleepy.
+
+ALICK. Exactly, and when--
+
+[Here MAGGIE enters, and all three are suddenly engrossed in the
+dambrod. We could describe MAGGIE at great length. But what is the use?
+What you really want to know is whether she was good-looking. No, she
+was not. Enter MAGGIE, who is not good-looking. When this is said, all
+is said. Enter MAGGIE, as it were, with her throat cut from ear to ear.
+She has a soft Scotch voice and a more resolute manner than is perhaps
+fitting to her plainness; and she stops short at sight of JAMES
+sprawling unconsciously in the company chair.]
+
+MAGGIE. James, I wouldn't sit on the fine chair.
+
+JAMES. I forgot again.
+
+[But he wishes she had spoken more sharply. Even profanation of the
+fine chair has not roused her. She takes up her knitting, and they all
+suspect that she knows what they have been talking about.]
+
+MAGGIE. You're late, David, it's nearly bed-time.
+
+DAVID [finding the subject a safe one]. I was kept late at the public
+meeting.
+
+ALICK [glad to get so far away from Galashiels]. Was it a good meeting?
+
+DAVID. Fairish. [with some heat] That young John Shand WOULD make a
+speech.
+
+MAGGIE. John Shand? Is that the student Shand?
+
+DAVID. The same. It's true he's a student at Glasgow University in the
+winter months, but in summer he's just the railway porter here; and I
+think it's very presumptuous of a young lad like that to make a speech
+when he hasn't a penny to bless himself with.
+
+ALICK. The Shands were always an impudent family, and jealous. I suppose
+that's the reason they haven't been on speaking terms with us this six
+years. Was it a good speech?
+
+DAVID [illustrating the family's generosity]. It was very fine; but he
+needn't have made fun of ME.
+
+MAGGIE [losing a stitch]. He dared?
+
+DAVID [depressed]. You see I can not get started on a speech without
+saying things like 'In rising FOR to make a few remarks.'
+
+JAMES. What's wrong with it?
+
+DAVID. He mimicked me, and said, 'Will our worthy chairman come for to
+go for to answer my questions?' and so on; and they roared.
+
+JAMES [slapping his money pocket]. The sacket.
+
+DAVID. I did feel bitterly, father, the want of education. [Without
+knowing it, he has a beautiful way of pronouncing this noble word.]
+
+MAGGIE [holding out a kind hand to him]. David.
+
+ALICK. I've missed it sore, David. Even now I feel the want of it in the
+very marrow of me. I'm ashamed to think I never gave you your chance.
+But when you were young I was so desperate poor, how could I do it,
+Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. It wasn't possible, father.
+
+ALICK [gazing at the book-shelves]. To be able to understand these
+books! To up with them one at a time and scrape them as clean as though
+they were a bowl of brose. Lads, it's not to riches, it's to scholarship
+that I make my humble bow.
+
+JAMES [who is good at bathos]. There's ten yards of them. And they were
+selected by the minister of Galashiels. He said--
+
+DAVID [quickly]. James.
+
+JAMES. I mean--I mean--
+
+MAGGIE [calmly]. I suppose you mean what you say, James. I hear, David,
+that the minister of Galashiels is to be married on that Miss Turnbull.
+
+DAVID [on guard]. So they were saying.
+
+ALICK. All I can say is she has made a poor bargain.
+
+MAGGIE [the damned]. I wonder at you, father. He's a very nice
+gentleman. I'm sure I hope he has chosen wisely.
+
+JAMES. Not him.
+
+MAGGIE [getting near her tragedy]. How can you say that when you don't
+know her? I expect she is full of charm.
+
+ALICK. Charm? It's the very word he used.
+
+DAVID. Havering idiot.
+
+ALICK. What IS charm, exactly, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. Oh, it's--it's a sort of bloom on a woman. If you have it, you
+don't need to have anything else; and if you don't have it, it doesn't
+much matter what else you have. Some women, the few, have charm for all;
+and most have charm for one. But some have charm for none.
+
+[Somehow she has stopped knitting. Her men-folk are very depressed.
+JAMES brings his fist down on the table with a crash.]
+
+JAMES [shouting]. I have a sister that has charm.
+
+MAGGIE. No, James, you haven't.
+
+JAMES [rushing at her with the watch and chain]. Ha'e, Maggie.
+
+[She lets them lie in her lap.]
+
+DAVID. Maggie, would you like a silk?
+
+MAGGIE. What could I do with a silk? [With a gust of passion] You might
+as well dress up a little brown hen.
+
+[They wriggle miserably.]
+
+JAMES [stamping]. Bring him here to me.
+
+MAGGIE. Bring whom, James?
+
+JAMES. David, I would be obliged if you wouldn't kick me beneath the
+table.
+
+MAGGIE [rising]. Let's be practical; let's go to our beds.
+
+[This reminds them that they have a job on hand in which she is not to
+share.]
+
+DAVID [slily]. I don't feel very sleepy yet.
+
+ALICK. Nor me either.
+
+JAMES. You've just taken the very words out of my mouth.
+
+DAVID [with unusual politeness]. Good-night to you Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE [fixing the three of them]. ALL of you unsleepy, when, as is well
+known, ten o'clock is your regular bed-time?
+
+JAMES. Yes, it's common knowledge that we go to our beds at ten.
+[Chuckling] That's what we're counting on.
+
+MAGGIE. Counting on?
+
+DAVID. You stupid whelp.
+
+JAMES. What have I done?
+
+MAGGIE [folding her arms]. There's something up. You've got to tell me,
+David.
+
+DAVID [who knows when he is beaten]. Go out and watch, James.
+
+MAGGIE. Watch?
+
+[JAMES takes himself off, armed, as MAGGIE notices, with a stick.]
+
+DAVID [in his alert business way]. Maggie, there are burglars about.
+
+MAGGIE. Burglars? [She sits rigid, but she is not the kind to scream.]
+
+DAVID. We hadn't meant for to tell you till we nabbed them; but they've
+been in this room twice of late. We sat up last night waiting for them,
+and we're to sit up again to-night.
+
+MAGGIE. The silver plate.
+
+DAVID. It's all safe as yet. That makes us think that they were either
+frightened away these other times, or that they are coming back for to
+make a clean sweep.
+
+MAGGIE. How did you get to know about this?
+
+DAVID. It was on Tuesday that the polissman called at the quarry with a
+very queer story. He had seen a man climbing out at this window at ten
+past two.
+
+MAGGIE. Did he chase him?
+
+DAVID. It was so dark he lost sight of him at once.
+
+ALICK. Tell her about the window.
+
+DAVID. We've found out that the catch of the window has been pushed back
+by slipping the blade of a knife between the woodwork.
+
+MAGGIE. David.
+
+ALICK. The polissman said he was carrying a little carpet bag.
+
+MAGGIE. The silver plate IS gone.
+
+DAVID. No, no. We were thinking that very likely he has bunches of keys
+in the bag.
+
+MAGGIE. Or weapons.
+
+DAVID. As for that, we have some pretty stout weapons ourselves in the
+umbrella stand. So, if you'll go to your bed, Maggie--
+
+MAGGIE. Me? and my brothers in danger.
+
+ALICK. There's just one of them.
+
+MAGGIE. The polissman just saw one.
+
+DAVID [licking his palms]. I would be very pleased if there were three
+of them.
+
+MAGGIE. I watch with you. I would be very pleased if there were four of
+them.
+
+DAVID. And they say she has no charm!
+
+[JAMES returns on tiptoe as if the burglars were beneath the table. He
+signs to every one to breathe no more, and then whispers his news.]
+
+JAMES. He's there. I had no sooner gone out than I saw him sliding down
+the garden wall, close to the rhubarbs.
+
+ALICK. What's he like?
+
+JAMES. He's an ugly customer. That's all I could see. There was a little
+carpet bag in his hand.
+
+DAVID. That's him.
+
+JAMES. He slunk into the rhodydendrons, and he's there now, watching the
+window.
+
+DAVID. We have him. Out with the light.
+
+[The room is beautified by a chandelier fitted for three gas jets,
+but with the advance of progress one of these has been removed and the
+incandescent light put in its place. This alone is lit. ALICK climbs a
+chair, pulls a little chain, and the room is now but vaguely lit by the
+fire. It plays fitfully on four sparkling faces.]
+
+MAGGIE. Do you think he saw you, James?
+
+JAMES. I couldn't say, but in any case I was too clever for him. I
+looked up at the stars, and yawned loud at them as if I was tremendous
+sleepy.
+
+[There is a long pause during which they are lurking in the shadows. At
+last they hear some movement, and they steal like ghosts from the room.
+We see DAVID turning out the lobby light; then the door closes and an
+empty room awaits the intruder with a shudder of expectancy. The window
+opens and shuts as softly as if this were a mother peering in to see
+whether her baby is asleep. Then the head of a man shows between the
+curtains. The remainder of him follows. He is carrying a little carpet
+bag. He stands irresolute; what puzzles him evidently is that the Wylies
+should have retired to rest without lifting that piece of coal off
+the fire. He opens the door and peeps into the lobby, listening to the
+wag-at-the-wall clock. All seems serene, and he turns on the light. We
+see him clearly now. He is JOHN SHAND, age twenty-one, boots muddy,
+as an indignant carpet can testify. He wears a shabby topcoat and a
+cockerty bonnet; otherwise he is in the well-worn corduroys of a railway
+porter. His movements, at first stealthy, become almost homely as he
+feels that he is secure. He opens the bag and takes out a bunch of keys,
+a small paper parcel, and a black implement that may be a burglar's
+jemmy. This cool customer examines the fire and piles on more coals.
+With the keys he opens the door of the bookcase, selects two large
+volumes, and brings them to the table. He takes off his topcoat and
+opens his parcel, which we now see contains sheets of foolscap paper.
+His next action shows that the 'jemmy' is really a ruler. He knows where
+the pen and ink are kept. He pulls the fine chair nearer to the table,
+sits on it, and proceeds to write, occasionally dotting the carpet with
+ink as he stabs the air with his pen. He is so occupied that he does
+not see the door opening, and the Wylie family staring at him. They are
+armed with sticks.]
+
+ALICK [at last]. When you're ready, John Shand.
+
+[JOHN hints back, and then he has the grace to rise, dogged and
+expressionless.]
+
+JAMES [like a railway porter]. Ticket, please.
+
+DAVID. You can't think of anything clever for to go for to say now,
+John.
+
+MAGGIE. I hope you find that chair comfortable, young man.
+
+JOHN. I have no complaint to make against the chair.
+
+ALICK [who is really distressed]. A native of the town. The disgrace to
+your family! I feel pity for the Shands this night.
+
+JOHN [glowering]. I'll thank you, Mr. Wylie, not to pity my family.
+
+JAMES. Canny, canny.
+
+MAGGIE [that sense of justice again]. I think you should let the young
+man explain. It mayn't be so bad as we thought.
+
+DAVID. Explain away, my billie.
+
+JOHN. Only the uneducated would need an explanation. I'm a student,
+[with a little passion] and I'm desperate for want of books. You have
+all I want here; no use to you but for display; well, I came here to
+study. I come twice weekly. [Amazement of his hosts.]
+
+DAVID [who is the first to recover]. By the window.
+
+JOHN. Do you think a Shand would so far lower himself as to enter your
+door? Well, is it a case for the police?
+
+JAMES. It is.
+
+MAGGIE [not so much out of the goodness of her heart as to patronise
+the Shands]. It seems to me it's a case for us all to go to our beds and
+leave the young man to study; but not on that chair. [And she wheels the
+chair away from him.]
+
+JOHN. Thank you, Miss Maggie, but I couldn't be beholden to you.
+
+JAMES. My opinion is that he's nobody, so out with him.
+
+JOHN. Yes, out with me. And you'll be cheered to hear I'm likely to be a
+nobody for a long time to come.
+
+DAVID [who had been beginning to respect him]. Are you a poor scholar?
+
+JOHN. On the contrary, I'm a brilliant scholar.
+
+DAVID. It's siller, then?
+
+JOHN [glorified by experiences he has shared with many a gallant soul].
+My first year at college I lived on a barrel of potatoes, and we had
+just a sofa-bed between two of us; when the one lay down the other had
+to get up. Do you think it was hardship? It was sublime. But this year
+I can't afford it. I'll have to stay on here, collecting the tickets
+of the illiterate, such as you, when I might be with Romulus and Remus
+among the stars.
+
+JAMES [summing up]. Havers.
+
+DAVID [in whose head some design is vaguely taking shape]. Whist, James.
+I must say, young lad, I like your spirit. Now tell me, what's your
+professors' opinion of your future.
+
+JOHN. They think me a young man of extraordinary promise.
+
+DAVID. You have a name here for high moral character.
+
+JOHN. And justly.
+
+DAVID. Are you serious-minded?
+
+JOHN. I never laughed in my life.
+
+DAVID. Who do you sit under in Glasgow?
+
+JOHN. Mr. Flemister of the Sauchiehall High.
+
+DAVID. Are you a Sabbath-school teacher?
+
+JOHN. I am.
+
+DAVID. One more question. Are you promised?
+
+JOHN. To a lady?
+
+DAVID. Yes.
+
+JOHN. I've never given one of them a single word of encouragement. I'm
+too much occupied thinking about my career.
+
+DAVID. So. [He reflects, and finally indicates by a jerk of the head
+that he wishes to talk with his father behind the door.]
+
+JAMES [longingly]. Do you want me too?
+
+[But they go out without even answering him.]
+
+MAGGIE. I don't know what maggot they have in their heads, but sit down,
+young man, till they come back.
+
+JOHN. My name's Mr. Shand, and till I'm called that I decline to sit
+down again in this house.
+
+MAGGIE. Then I'm thinking, young sir, you'll have a weary wait.
+
+[While he waits you can see how pinched his face is. He is little more
+than a boy, and he seldom has enough to eat. DAVID and ALICK return
+presently, looking as sly as if they had been discussing some move on
+the dambrod, as indeed they have.]
+
+DAVID [suddenly become genial]. Sit down, Mr. Shand, and pull in your
+chair. You'll have a thimbleful of something to keep the cold out?
+[Briskly] Glasses, Maggie.
+
+[She wonders, but gets glasses and decanter from the sideboard, which
+JAMES calls the chiffy. DAVID and ALICK, in the most friendly manner,
+also draw up to the table.]
+
+You're not a totaller, I hope?
+
+JOHN [guardedly]. I'm practically a totaller.
+
+DAVID. So are we. How do you take it? Is there any hot water, Maggie?
+
+JOHN. If I take it at all, and I haven't made up my mind yet, I'll take
+it cold.
+
+DAVID. You'll take it hot, James?
+
+JAMES [also sitting at the table but completely befogged]. No, I--
+
+DAVID [decisively] I think you'll take it hot, James.
+
+JAMES [sulking]. I'll take it hot.
+
+DAVID. The kettle, Maggie.
+
+[JAMES has evidently to take it hot so that they can get at the business
+now on hand, while MAGGIE goes kitchenward for the kettle.]
+
+ALICK. Now, David, quick, before she comes back.
+
+DAVID. Mr. Shand, we have an offer to make you.
+
+JOHN [warningly]. No patronage.
+
+ALICK. It's strictly a business affair.
+
+DAVID. Leave it to me, father. It's this--[But to his annoyance the
+suspicious MAGGIE has already returned with the kettle.] Maggie, don't
+you see that you're not wanted?
+
+MAGGIE [sitting down by the fire and resuming her knitting]. I do,
+David.
+
+DAVID. I have a proposition to put before Mr. Shand, and women are out
+of place in business transactions.
+
+[The needles continue to click.]
+
+ALICK [sighing]. We'll have to let her bide, David.
+
+DAVID [sternly]. Woman. [But even this does not budge her.] Very well
+then, sit there, but don't interfere, mind. Mr. Shand, we're willing,
+the three of us, to lay out L300 on your education if--
+
+JOHN. Take care.
+
+DAVID [slowly, which is not his wont]. On condition that five years from
+now, Maggie Wylie, if still unmarried, can claim to marry you, should
+such be her wish; the thing to be perfectly open on her side, but you to
+be strictly tied down.
+
+JAMES [enlightened]. So, so.
+
+DAVID [resuming his smart manner]. Now, what have you to say? Decide.
+
+JOHN [after a pause]. I regret to say--
+
+MAGGIE. It doesn't matter what he regrets to say, because I decide
+against it. And I think it was very ill-done of you to make any such
+proposal.
+
+DAVID [without looking at her]. Quiet, Maggie.
+
+JOHN [looking at her]. I must say, Miss Maggie, I don't see what reasons
+YOU can have for being so set against it.
+
+MAGGIE. If you would grow a beard, Mr. Shand, the reasons wouldn't be
+quite so obvious.
+
+JOHN. I'll never grow a beard.
+
+MAGGIE. Then you're done for at the start.
+
+ALICK. Come, come.
+
+MAGGIE. Seeing I have refused the young man--
+
+JOHN. Refused!
+
+DAVID. That's no reason why we shouldn't have his friendly opinion. Your
+objections, Mr. Shand?
+
+JOHN. Simply, it's a one-sided bargain. I admit I'm no catch at present;
+but what could a man of my abilities not soar to with three hundred
+pounds? Something far above what she could aspire to.
+
+MAGGIE. Oh, indeed!
+
+DAVID. The position is that without the three hundred you can't soar.
+
+JOHN. You have me there.
+
+MAGGIE. Yes, but--
+
+ALICK. You see YOU'RE safeguarded, Maggie; you don't need to take him
+unless you like, but he has to take you.
+
+JOHN. That's an unfair arrangement also.
+
+MAGGIE. I wouldn't dream of it without that condition.
+
+JOHN. Then you ARE thinking of it?
+
+MAGGIE. Poof!
+
+DAVID. It's a good arrangement for you, Mr. Shand. The chances are
+you'll never have to go on with it, for in all probability she'll marry
+soon.
+
+JAMES. She's tremendous run after.
+
+JOHN. Even if that's true, it's just keeping me in reserve in case she
+misses doing better.
+
+DAVID [relieved]. That's the situation in a nutshell.
+
+JOHN. Another thing. Supposing I was to get fond of her?
+
+ALICK [wistfully]. It's very likely.
+
+JOHN. Yes, and then suppose she was to give me the go-by?
+
+DAVID. You have to risk that.
+
+JOHN. Or take it the other way. Supposing as I got to know her I COULD
+NOT endure her?
+
+DAVID [suavely]. You have both to take risks.
+
+JAMES [less suavely]. What you need, John Shand, is a clout on the head.
+
+JOHN. Three hundred pounds is no great sum.
+
+DAVID. You can take it or leave it.
+
+ALICK. No great sum for a student studying for the ministry!
+
+JOHN. Do you think that with that amount of money I would stop short at
+being a minister?
+
+DAVID. That's how I like to hear you speak. A young Scotsman of your
+ability let loose upon the world with L300, what could he not do? It's
+almost appalling to think of; especially if he went among the English.
+
+JOHN. What do you think, Miss Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE [who is knitting]. I have no thoughts on the subject either way.
+
+JOHN [after looking her over]. What's her age? She looks young, but they
+say it's the curls that does it.
+
+DAVID [rather happily]. She's one of those women who are eternally
+young.
+
+JOHN. I can't take that for an answer.
+
+DAVID. She's twenty-five.
+
+JOHN. I'm just twenty-one.
+
+JAMES. I read in a book that about four years' difference in the ages is
+the ideal thing. [As usual he is disregarded.]
+
+DAVID. Well, Mr. Shand?
+
+JOHN [where is his mother?]. I'm willing if she's willing.
+
+DAVID. Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. There can be no 'if' about it. It must be an offer.
+
+JOHN. A Shand give a Wylie such a chance to humiliate him? Never.
+
+MAGGIE. Then all is off.
+
+DAVID. Come, come, Mr. Shand, it's just a form.
+
+JOHN [reluctantly]. Miss Maggie, will you?
+
+MAGGIE [doggedly]. Is it an offer?
+
+JOHN [dourly]. Yes.
+
+MAGGIE [rising]. Before I answer I want first to give you a chance of
+drawing back.
+
+DAVID. Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE [bravely]. When they said that I have been run after they were
+misleading you. I'm without charm; nobody has ever been after me.
+
+JOHN. Oho!
+
+ALICK. They will be yet.
+
+JOHN [the innocent]. It shows at least that you haven't been after them.
+
+[His hosts exchange a self-conscious glance.]
+
+MAGGIE. One thing more; David said I'm twenty-five, I'm twenty-six.
+
+JOHN. Aha!
+
+MAGGIE. Now be practical. Do you withdraw from the bargain, or do you
+not?
+
+JOHN [on reflection]. It's a bargain.
+
+MAGGIE. Then so be it.
+
+DAVID [hurriedly]. And that's settled. Did you say you would take it
+hot, Mr. Shand?
+
+JOHN. I think I'll take it neat.
+
+[The others decide to take it hot, and there is some careful business
+here with the toddy ladles.]
+
+ALICK. Here's to you, and your career.
+
+JOHN. Thank you. To you, Miss Maggie. Had we not better draw up a legal
+document? Lawyer Crosbie could do it on the quiet.
+
+DAVID. Should we do that, or should we just trust to one another's
+honour?
+
+ALICK [gallantly]. Let Maggie decide.
+
+MAGGIE. I think we would better have a legal document.
+
+DAVID. We'll have it drawn up to-morrow. I was thinking the best way
+would be for to pay the money in five yearly instalments.
+
+JOHN. I was thinking, better bank the whole sum in my name at once.
+
+ALICK. I think David's plan's the best.
+
+JOHN. I think not. Of course if it's not convenient to you--
+
+DAVID [touched to the quick]. It's perfectly convenient. What do you
+say, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. I agree with John.
+
+DAVID [with an odd feeling that MAGGIE is now on the other side]. Very
+well.
+
+JOHN. Then as that's settled I think I'll be stepping. [He is putting
+his papers back in the bag.]
+
+ALICK [politely]. If you would like to sit on at your books--
+
+JOHN. As I can come at any orra time now I think I'll be stepping.
+[MAGGIE helps him into his topcoat.]
+
+MAGGIE. Have you a muffler, John?
+
+JOHN. I have. [He gets it from his pocket.]
+
+MAGGIE. You had better put it twice round. [She does this for him.]
+
+DAVID. Well, good-night to you, Mr. Shand.
+
+ALICK. And good luck.
+
+JOHN. Thank you. The same to you. And I'll cry in at your office in the
+morning before the 6:20 is due.
+
+DAVID. I'll have the document ready for you. [There is the awkward pause
+that sometimes follows great events.] I think, Maggie, you might see Mr.
+Shand to the door.
+
+MAGGIE. Certainly. [JOHN is going by the window.] This way, John.
+
+[She takes him off by the more usual exit.]
+
+DAVID. He's a fine frank fellow; and you saw how cleverly he got the
+better of me about banking the money. [As the heads of the conspirators
+come gleefully together] I tell you, father, he has a grand business
+head.
+
+ALICK. Lads, he's canny. He's cannier than any of us.
+
+JAMES. Except maybe Maggie. He has no idea what a remarkable woman
+Maggie is.
+
+ALICK. Best he shouldn't know. Men are nervous of remarkable women.
+
+JAMES. She's a long time in coming back.
+
+DAVID [not quite comfortable]. It's a good sign. H'sh. What sort of a
+night is it, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. It's a little blowy.
+
+[She gets a large dustcloth which is lying folded on a shelf,
+and proceeds to spread it over the fine chair. The men exchange
+self-conscious glances.]
+
+DAVID [stretching himself]. Yes--well, well, oh yes. It's getting late.
+What is it with you, father?
+
+ALICK. I'm ten forty-two.
+
+JAMES. I'm ten-forty.
+
+DAVID. Ten forty-two.
+
+[They wind up their watches.]
+
+MAGGIE. It's high time we were bedded. [She puts her hands on their
+shoulders lovingly, which is the very thing they have been trying to
+avoid.] You're very kind to me.
+
+DAVID. Havers.
+
+ALICK. Havers.
+
+JAMES [but this does not matter]. Havers.
+
+MAGGIE [a little dolefully]. I'm a sort of sorry for the young man,
+David.
+
+DAVID. Not at all. You'll be the making of him. [She lifts the two
+volumes.] Are you taking the books to your bed, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. Yes. I don't want him to know things I don't know myself.
+
+[She departs with the books; and ALICK and DAVID, the villains, now want
+to get away from each other.]
+
+ALICK. Yes--yes. Oh yes--ay, man--it is so--umpha. You'll lift the big
+coals off, David.
+
+[He wanders away to his spring mattress. DAVID removes the coals.]
+
+JAMES [who would like to sit down and have an argy-bargy]. It's a most
+romantical affair. [But he gets no answer.] I wonder how it'll turn out?
+[No answer.] She's queer, Maggie. I wonder how some clever writers has
+never noticed how queer women are. It's my belief you could write a
+whole book about them. [DAVID remains obdurate.] It was very noble of
+her to tell him she's twenty-six. [Muttering as he too wanders away.]
+But I thought she was twenty-seven.
+
+[DAVID turns out the light.]
+
+
+
+
+ACT II
+
+[Six years have elapsed and John Shand's great hour has come. Perhaps
+his great hour really lies ahead of him, perhaps he had it six years
+ago; it often passes us by in the night with such a faint call that
+we don't even turn in our beds. But according to the trumpets this is
+John's great hour; it is the hour for which he has long been working
+with his coat off; and now the coat is on again (broadcloth but
+ill-fitting), for there is no more to do but await results. He is
+standing for Parliament, and this is election night.
+
+As the scene discloses itself you get, so to speak, one of John Shand's
+posters in the face. Vote for Shand. Shand, Shand, Shand. Civil and
+Religious Liberty, Faith, Hope, Freedom. They are all fly-blown names
+for Shand. Have a placard about Shand, have a hundred placards about
+him, it is snowing Shand to-night in Glasgow; take the paste out of your
+eye, and you will see that we are in one of Shand's committee rooms.
+It has been a hairdresser's emporium, but Shand, Shand, Shand has swept
+through it like a wind, leaving nothing but the fixtures; why shave,
+why have your head doused in those basins when you can be brushed and
+scraped and washed up for ever by simply voting for Shand?
+
+There are a few hard chairs for yelling Shand from, and then rushing
+away. There is an iron spiral staircase that once led to the ladies'
+hairdressing apartments, but now leads to more Shand, Shand, Shand. A
+glass door at the back opens on to the shop proper, screaming Civil and
+Religious Liberty, Shand, as it opens, and beyond is the street crammed
+with still more Shand pro and con. Men in every sort of garb rush in
+and out, up and down the stair, shouting the magic word. Then there is
+a lull, and down the stair comes Maggie Wylie, decidedly overdressed in
+blue velvet and (let us get this over) less good-looking than ever. She
+raises her hands to heaven, she spins round like a little teetotum. To
+her from the street, suffering from a determination of the word Shand to
+the mouth, rush Alick and David. Alick is thinner (being older), David
+is stouter (being older), and they are both in tweeds and silk hats.]
+
+MAGGIE. David--have they--is he? quick, quick! DAVID. There's no news
+yet, no news. It's terrible.
+
+[The teetotum revolves more quickly.]
+
+ALICK. For God's sake, Maggie, sit down.
+
+MAGGIE. I can't, I can't.
+
+DAVID. Hold her down.
+
+[They press her into a chair; JAMES darts in, stouter also. His necktie
+has gone; he will never again be able to attend a funeral in that hat.]
+
+JAMES [wildly]. John Shand's the man for you. John Shand's the man for
+you. John Shand's the man for you.
+
+DAVID [clutching him]. Have you heard anything?
+
+JAMES. Not a word.
+
+ALICK. Look at her.
+
+DAVID. Maggie [he goes on his knees beside her, pressing her to him in
+affectionate anxiety]. It was mad of him to dare.
+
+MAGGIE. It was grand of him.
+
+ALICK [moving about distraught]. Insane ambition.
+
+MAGGIE. Glorious ambition.
+
+DAVID. Maggie, Maggie, my lamb, best be prepared for the worst.
+
+MAGGIE [husky]. I am prepared.
+
+ALICK. Six weary years has she waited for this night.
+
+MAGGIE. Six brave years has John toiled for this night.
+
+JAMES. And you could have had him, Maggie, at the end of five. The
+document says five.
+
+MAGGIE. Do you think I grudge not being married to him yet? Was I to
+hamper him till the fight was won?
+
+DAVID [with wrinkled brows]. But if it's lost?
+
+[She can't answer.]
+
+ALICK [starting]. What's that?
+
+[The three listen at the door, the shouting dies down.]
+
+DAVID. They're terrible still; what can make them so still?
+
+[JAMES spirits himself away. ALICK and DAVID blanch to hear MAGGIE
+speaking softly as if to JOHN.]
+
+MAGGIE. Did you say you had lost, John? Of course you would lose the
+first time, dear John. Six years. Very well, we'll begin another six
+to-night. You'll win yet. [Fiercely] Never give in, John, never give in!
+
+[The roar of the multitude breaks out again and comes rolling nearer.]
+
+DAVID. I think he's coming.
+
+[JAMES is fired into the room like a squeezed onion.]
+
+JAMES. He's coming!
+
+[They may go on speaking, but through the clang outside none could hear.
+The populace seems to be trying to take the committee room by assault.
+Out of the scrimmage a man emerges dishevelled and bursts into the room,
+closing the door behind him. It is JOHN SHAND in a five guinea suit,
+including the hat. There are other changes in him also, for he has
+been delving his way through loamy ground all those years. His right
+shoulder, which he used to raise to pound a path through the crowd, now
+remains permanently in that position. His mouth tends to close like a
+box. His eyes are tired, they need some one to pull the lids over them
+and send him to sleep for a week. But they are honest eyes still, and
+faithful, and could even light up his face at times with a smile, if the
+mouth would give a little help.]
+
+JOHN [clinging to a chair that he may not fly straight to heaven]. I'm
+in; I'm elected. Majority two hundred and forty-four; I'm John Shand,
+M.P.
+
+[The crowd have the news by this time and their roar breaks the door
+open. JAMES is off at once to tell them that he is to be SHAND'S
+brother-in-law. A teardrop clings to ALICK's nose; DAVID hits out
+playfully at JOHN, and JOHN in an ecstasy returns the blow.]
+
+DAVID. Fling yourself at the door, father, and bar them out. Maggie,
+what keeps you so quiet now?
+
+MAGGIE [weak in her limbs]. You're sure you're in, John?
+
+JOHN. Majority 244. I've beaten the baronet. I've done it, Maggie, and
+not a soul to help me; I've done it alone. [His voice breaks; you could
+almost pick up the pieces.] I'm as hoarse as a crow, and I have to
+address the Cowcaddens Club yet; David, pump some oxygen into me.
+
+DAVID. Certainly, Mr. Shand. [While he does it, MAGGIE is seeing
+visions.]
+
+ALICK. What are you doing, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. This is the House of Commons, and I'm John, catching the
+Speaker's eye for the first time. Do you see a queer little old wifie
+sitting away up there in the Ladies' Gallery? That's me. 'Mr. Speaker,
+sir, I rise to make my historic maiden speech. I am no orator, sir';
+voice from Ladies' Gallery, 'Are you not, John? you'll soon let them see
+that'; cries of 'Silence, woman,' and general indignation. 'Mr. Speaker,
+sir, I stand here diffidently with my eyes on the Treasury Bench'; voice
+from the Ladies' Gallery, 'And you'll soon have your coat-tails on it,
+John'; loud cries of 'Remove that little old wifie,' in which she is
+forcibly ejected, and the honourable gentleman resumes his seat in a
+torrent of admiring applause.
+
+[ALICK and DAVID waggle their proud heads.]
+
+JOHN [tolerantly]. Maggie, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. You're not angry with me, John?
+
+JOHN. No, no.
+
+MAGGIE. But you glowered.
+
+JOHN. I was thinking of Sir Peregrine. Just because I beat him at the
+poll he took a shabby revenge; he congratulated me in French, a language
+I haven't taken the trouble to master.
+
+MAGGIE [becoming a little taller]. Would it help you, John, if you were
+to marry a woman that could speak French?
+
+DAVID [quickly]. Not at all.
+
+MAGGIE [gloriously]. Mon cher Jean, laissez-moi parler le francais,
+voulez-vous un interprete?
+
+JOHN. Hullo!
+
+MAGGIE. Je suis la soeur francaise de mes deux freres ecossais.
+
+DAVID [worshipping her]. She's been learning French.
+
+JOHN [lightly]. Well done.
+
+MAGGIE [grandly]. They're arriving.
+
+ALICK. Who?
+
+MAGGIE. Our guests. This is London, and Mrs. John Shand is giving her
+first reception. [Airily] Have I told you, darling, who are coming
+to-night? There's that dear Sir Peregrine. [To ALICK] Sir Peregrine,
+this is a pleasure. Avez-vous...So sorry we beat you at the poll.
+
+JOHN. I'm doubting the baronet would sit on you, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. I've invited a lord to sit on the baronet. Voila!
+
+DAVID [delighted]. You thing! You'll find the lords expensive.
+
+MAGGIE. Just a little cheap lord. [JAMES enters importantly.] My dear
+Lord Cheap, this is kind of you.
+
+[JAMES hopes that MAGGIE's reason is not unbalanced.]
+
+DAVID [who really ought to have had education]. How de doo, Cheap?
+
+JAMES [bewildered]. Maggie---
+
+MAGGIE. Yes, do call me Maggie.
+
+ALICK [grinning]. She's practising her first party, James. The swells
+are at the door.
+
+JAMES [heavily]. That's what I came to say. They are at the door.
+
+JOHN. Who?
+
+JAMES. The swells; in their motor. [He gives JOHN three cards.]
+
+JOHN. 'Mr. Tenterden.'
+
+DAVID. Him that was speaking for you?
+
+JOHN. The same. He's a whip and an Honourable. 'Lady Sybil Tenterden.'
+[Frowns.] Her! She's his sister.
+
+MAGGIE. A married woman?
+
+JOHN. No. 'The Comtesse de la Briere.'
+
+MAGGIE [the scholar]. She must be French.
+
+JOHN. Yes; I think she's some relation. She's a widow.
+
+JAMES. But what am I to say to them? ['Mr. Shand's compliments, and
+he will be proud to receive them' is the very least that the Wylies
+expect.]
+
+JOHN [who was evidently made for great ends]. Say I'm very busy, but if
+they care to wait I hope presently to give them a few minutes.
+
+JAMES [thunderstruck]. Good God, Mr. Shand!
+
+[But it makes him JOHN'S more humble servant than ever, and he departs
+with the message.]
+
+JOHN [not unaware of the sensation he has created]. I'll go up and let
+the crowd see me from the window.
+
+MAGGIE. But--but--what are we to do with these ladies?
+
+JOHN [as he tramps upwards]. It's your reception, Maggie; this will
+prove you.
+
+MAGGIE [growing smaller]. Tell me what you know about this Lady Sybil?
+
+JOHN. The only thing I know about her is that she thinks me vulgar.
+
+MAGGIE. You?
+
+JOHN. She has attended some of my meetings, and I'm told she said that.
+
+MAGGIE. What could the woman mean?
+
+JOHN. I wonder. When I come down I'll ask her.
+
+[With his departure MAGGIE'S nervousness increases.]
+
+ALICK [encouragingly]. In at them, Maggie, with your French.
+
+MAGGIE. It's all slipping from me, father.
+
+DAVID [gloomily]. I'm sure to say 'for to come for to go.'
+
+[The newcomers glorify the room, and MAGGIE feels that they have lifted
+her up with the tongs and deposited her in one of the basins. They are
+far from intending to be rude; it is not their fault that thus do swans
+scatter the ducks. They do not know that they are guests of the family,
+they think merely that they are waiting with other strangers in a public
+room; they undulate inquiringly, and if MAGGIE could undulate in return
+she would have no cause for offence. But she suddenly realises that
+this is an art as yet denied her, and that though DAVID might buy her
+evening-gowns as fine as theirs [and is at this moment probably deciding
+to do so], she would look better carrying them in her arms than on her
+person. She also feels that to emerge from wraps as they are doing is
+more difficult than to plank your money on the counter for them. The
+COMTESSE she could forgive, for she is old; but LADY SYBIL is young and
+beautiful and comes lazily to rest like a stately ship of Tarsus.]
+
+COMTESSE [smiling divinely, and speaking with such a pretty accent]. I
+hope one is not in the way. We were told we might wait.
+
+MAGGIE [bravely climbing out of the basin]. Certainly--I am sure if you
+will be so--it is--
+
+[She knows that DAVID and her father are very sorry for her.]
+
+[A high voice is heard orating outside.]
+
+SYBIL [screwing her nose deliciously]. He is at it again, Auntie.
+
+COMTESSE. Mon Dieu! [Like one begging pardon of the universe] It is Mr.
+Tenterden, you understand, making one more of his delightful speeches to
+the crowd. WOULD you be so charming as to shut the door?
+
+[This to DAVID in such appeal that she is evidently making the petition
+of her life. DAVID saves her.]
+
+MAGGIE [determined not to go under]. J'espere que
+vous--trouvez--cette--reunion--interessante?
+
+COMTESSE. Vous parlez francais? Mais c'est charmant! Voyons, causons
+un peu. Racontez-moi tout de ce grand homme, toutes les choses
+merveilleuses qu'il a faites.
+
+MAGGIE. I--I--Je connais--[Alas!]
+
+COMTESSE [naughtily]. Forgive me, Mademoiselle, I thought you spoke
+French.
+
+SYBIL [who knows that DAVID admires her shoulders]. How wicked of you,
+Auntie. [To MAGGIE] I assure you none of us can understand her when she
+gallops at that pace.
+
+MAGGIE [crushed]. It doesn't matter. I will tell Mr. Shand that you are
+here.
+
+SYBIL [drawling]. Please don't trouble him. We are really only waiting
+till my brother recovers and can take us back to our hotel.
+
+MAGGIE. I'll tell him.
+
+[She is glad to disappear up the stair.]
+
+COMTESSE. The lady seems distressed. Is she a relation of Mr. Shand?
+
+DAVID. Not for to say a relation. She's my sister. Our name is Wylie.
+
+[But granite quarries are nothing to them.]
+
+COMTESSE. How do you do. You are the committee man of Mr. Shand?
+
+DAVID. No, just friends.
+
+COMTESSE [gaily to the basins]. Aha! I know you. Next, please! Sybil, do
+you weigh yourself, or are you asleep?
+
+[LADY SYBIL has sunk indolently into a weighing-chair.]
+
+SYBIL. Not quite, Auntie.
+
+COMTESSE [the mirror of la politesse]. Tell me all about Mr. Shand. Was
+it here that he--picked up the pin?
+
+DAVID. The pin?
+
+COMTESSE. As I have read, a self-made man always begins by picking up a
+pin. After that, as the memoirs say, his rise was rapid.
+
+[DAVID, however, is once more master of himself, and indeed has begun to
+tot up the cost of their garments.]
+
+DAVID. It wasn't a pin he picked up, my lady; it was L300.
+
+ALICK [who feels that JOHN's greatness has been outside the conversation
+quite long enough]. And his rise wasn't so rapid, just at first, David!
+
+DAVID. He had his fight. His original intention was to become a
+minister; he's university-educated, you know; he's not a working-man
+member.
+
+ALICK [with reverence]. He's an M.A. But while he was a student he got a
+place in an iron-cementer's business.
+
+COMTESSE [now far out of her depths]. Iron-cementer?
+
+DAVID. They scrape boilers.
+
+COMTESSE. I see. The fun men have, Sybil!
+
+DAVID [with some solemnity]. There have been millions made in scraping
+boilers. They say, father, he went into business so as to be able to pay
+off the L300.
+
+ALICK [slily]. So I've heard.
+
+COMTESSE. Aha--it was a loan?
+
+[DAVID and ALICK are astride their great subject now.]
+
+DAVID. No, a gift--of a sort--from some well-wishers. But they wouldn't
+hear of his paying it off, father!
+
+ALICK. Not them!
+
+COMTESSE [restraining an impulse to think of other things]. That was
+kind, charming.
+
+ALICK [with a look at DAVID]. Yes. Well, my lady, he developed a perfect
+genius for the iron-cementing.
+
+DAVID. But his ambition wasn't satisfied. Soon he had public life in his
+eye. As a heckler he was something fearsome; they had to seat him on the
+platform for to keep him quiet. Next they had to let him into the Chair.
+After that he did all the speaking; he cleared all roads before him like
+a fire-engine; and when this vacancy occurred, you could hardly say it
+did occur, so quickly did he step into it. My lady, there are few more
+impressive sights in the world than a Scotsman on the make.
+
+COMTESSE. I can well believe it. And now he has said farewell to
+boilers?
+
+DAVID [impressively]. Not at all; the firm promised if he was elected
+for to make him their London manager at L800 a year.
+
+COMTESSE. There is a strong man for you, Sybil; but I believe you ARE
+asleep.
+
+SYBIL [stirring herself]. Honestly, I'm not. [Sweetly to the others] But
+would you mind finding out whether my brother is drawing to a close?
+
+[DAVID goes out, leaving poor ALICK marooned. The COMTESSE is kind to
+him.]
+
+COMTESSE. Thank you very much. [Which helps ALICK out.] Don't you love a
+strong man, sleepy head?
+
+SYBIL [preening herself]. I never met one.
+
+COMTESSE. Neither have I. But if you DID meet one, would he wakes you
+up?
+
+SYBIL. I dare say he would find there were two of us.
+
+COMTESSE [considering her]. Yes, I think he would. Ever been in love,
+you cold thing?
+
+SYBIL [yawning]. I have never shot up in flame, Auntie.
+
+COMTESSE. Think you could manage it?
+
+SYBIL. If Mr. Right came along.
+
+COMTESSE. As a girl of to-day it would be your duty to tame him.
+
+SYBIL. As a girl of to-day I would try to do my duty.
+
+COMTESSE. And if it turned out that HE tamed you instead?
+
+SYBIL. He would have to do that if he were MY Mr. Right.
+
+COMTESSE. And then?
+
+SYBIL. Then, of course, I should adore him. Auntie, I think if I
+ever really love it will be like Mary Queen of Scots, who said of her
+Bothwell that she could follow him round the world in her nighty.
+
+COMTESSE. My petite!
+
+SYBIL. I believe I mean it.
+
+COMTESSE. Oh, it is quite my conception of your character. Do you know,
+I am rather sorry for this Mr. John Shand.
+
+SYBIL [opening her fine eyes]. Why? He is quite a boor, is he not?
+
+COMTESSE. For that very reason. Because his great hour is already nearly
+sped. That wild bull manner that moves the multitude--they will laugh at
+it in your House of Commons.
+
+SYBIL [indifferent]. I suppose so.
+
+COMTESSE. Yet if he had education---
+
+SYBIL. Have we not been hearing how superbly he is educated?
+
+COMTESSE. It is such as you or me that he needs to educate him now. You
+could do it almost too well.
+
+SYBIL [with that pretty stretch of neck]. I am not sufficiently
+interested. I retire in your favour. How would you begin?
+
+COMTESSE. By asking him to drop in, about five, of course. By the way, I
+wonder is there a Mrs. Shand?
+
+SYBIL. I have no idea. But they marry young.
+
+COMTESSE. If there is not, there is probably a lady waiting for him,
+somewhere in a boiler.
+
+SYBIL. I dare say.
+
+[MAGGIE descends.]
+
+MAGGIE. Mr. Shand will be down directly.
+
+COMTESSE. Thank you. Your brother has been giving us such an interesting
+account of his career. I forget, Sybil, whether he said that he was
+married.
+
+MAGGIE. No, he's not married; but he will be soon.
+
+COMTESSE. Ah! [She is merely making conversation.] A friend of yours?
+
+MAGGIE [now a scorner of herself]. I don't think much of her.
+
+COMTESSE. In that case, tell me all about her.
+
+MAGGIE. There's not much to tell. She's common, and stupid. One of those
+who go in for self-culture; and then when the test comes they break
+down. [With sinister enjoyment] She'll be the ruin of him.
+
+COMTESSE. But is not that sad! Figure to yourself how many men with
+greatness before them have been shipwrecked by marrying in the rank from
+which they sprang.
+
+MAGGIE. I've told her that.
+
+COMTESSE. But she will not give him up?
+
+MAGGIE. No.
+
+SYBIL. Why should she if he cares for her? What is her name?
+
+MAGGIE. It's--Maggie.
+
+COMTESSE [still uninterested]. Well, I am afraid that Maggie is to do
+for John. [JOHN comes down.] Ah, our hero!
+
+JOHN. Sorry I have kept you waiting. The Comtesse?
+
+COMTESSE. And my niece Lady Sybil Tenterden. [SYBIL'S head inclines on
+its stem.] She is not really all my niece; I mean I am only half of her
+aunt. What a triumph, Mr. Shand!
+
+JOHN. Oh, pretty fair, pretty fair. Your brother has just finished
+addressing the crowd, Lady Sybil.
+
+SYBIL. Then we must not detain Mr. Shand, Auntie.
+
+COMTESSE [who unless her heart is touched thinks insincerity charming].
+Only one word. I heard you speak last night. Sublime! Just the sort of
+impassioned eloquence that your House of Commons loves.
+
+JOHN. It's very good of you to say so.
+
+COMTESSE. But we must run. Bon soir.
+
+[SYBIL bows as to some one far away.]
+
+JOHN. Good-night, Lady Sybil. I hear you think I'm vulgar. [Eyebrows are
+raised.]
+
+COMTESSE. My dear Mr. Shand, what absurd---
+
+JOHN. I was told she said that after hearing me speak.
+
+COMTESSE. Quite a mistake, I---
+
+JOHN [doggedly]. Is it not true?
+
+SYBIL ['waking up']. You seem to know, Mr. Shand; and as you press me so
+unnecessarily--well, yes, that is how you struck me.
+
+COMTESSE. My child!
+
+SYBIL [who is a little agitated]. He would have it.
+
+JOHN [perplexed]. What's the matter? I just wanted to know, because if
+it's true I must alter it.
+
+COMTESSE. There, Sybil, see how he values your good opinion.
+
+SYBIL [her svelte figure giving like a fishing-rod]. It is very nice of
+you to put it in that way, Mr. Shand. Forgive me.
+
+JOHN. But I don't quite understand yet. Of course, it can't matter to
+me, Lady Sybil, what you think of me; what I mean is, that I mustn't be
+vulgar if it would be injurious to my career.
+
+[The fishing-rod regains its rigidity.]
+
+SYBIL. I see. No, of course, I could not affect your career, Mr Shand.
+
+JOHN [who quite understands that he is being challenged]. That's so,
+Lady Sybil, meaning no offence.
+
+SYBIL [who has a naughty little impediment in her voice when she is most
+alluring]. Of course not. And we are friends again?
+
+JOHN. Certainly.
+
+SYBIL. Then I hope you will come to see me in London as I present no
+terrors.
+
+JOHN [he is a man, is JOHN]. I'll be very pleased.
+
+SYBIL. Any afternoon about five.
+
+JOHN. Much obliged. And you can teach me the things I don't know yet, if
+you'll be so kind.
+
+SYBIL [the impediment becoming more assertive]. If you wish it, I shall
+do my best.
+
+JOHN. Thank you, Lady Sybil. And who knows there may be one or two
+things I can teach you.
+
+SYBIL [it has now become an angel's hiccough]. Yes, we can help one
+another. Good-bye till then.
+
+JOHN. Good-bye. Maggie, the ladies are going.
+
+[During this skirmish MAGGIE has stood apart. At the mention of her name
+they glance at one another. JOHN escorts SYBIL, but the COMTESSE turns
+back.]
+
+COMTESSE. Are you, then, THE Maggie? [MAGGIE nods rather defiantly and
+the COMTESSE is distressed.] But if I had known I would not have said
+those things. Please forgive an old woman.
+
+MAGGIE. It doesn't matter.
+
+COMTESSE. I--I dare say it will be all right. Mademoiselle, if I were
+you I would not encourage those tete-a-tetes with Lady Sybil. I am the
+rude one, but she is the dangerous one; and I am afraid his impudence
+has attracted her. Bon voyage, Miss Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. Good-bye--but I CAN speak French. Je parle francais. Isn't that
+right?
+
+COMTESSE. But, yes, it is excellent. [Making things easy for her] C'est
+tres bien.
+
+MAGGIE. Je me suis embrouillee--la derniere fois.
+
+COMTESSE. Good! Shall I speak more slowly?
+
+MAGGIE. No, no. Nonon, non, faster, faster.
+
+COMTESSE. J'admire votre courage!
+
+MAGGIE. Je comprends chaque mot.
+
+COMTESSE. Parfait! Bravo!
+
+MAGGIE. Voila!
+
+COMTESSE. Superbe!
+
+[She goes, applauding; and MAGGIE has a moment of elation, which however
+has passed before JOHN returns for his hat.]
+
+MAGGIE. Have you more speaking to do, John? [He is somehow in high
+good-humour.]
+
+JOHN. I must run across and address the Cowcaddens Club. [He sprays his
+throat with a hand-spray.] I wonder if I AM vulgar, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. You are not, but _I_ am.
+
+JOHN. Not that _I_ can see.
+
+MAGGIE. Look how overdressed I am, John. I knew it was too showy when
+I ordered it, and yet I could not resist the thing. But I will tone it
+down, I will. What did you think of Lady Sybil?
+
+JOHN. That young woman had better be careful. She's a bit of a besom,
+Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. She's beautiful, John.
+
+JOHN. She has a neat way of stretching herself. For playing with she
+would do as well as another.
+
+[She looks at him wistfully.]
+
+MAGGIE. You couldn't stay and have a talk for a few minutes?
+
+JOHN. If you want me, Maggie. The longer you keep them waiting, the more
+they think of you.
+
+MAGGIE. When are you to announce that we're to be married, John?
+
+JOHN. I won't be long. You've waited a year more than you need have
+done, so I think it's your due I should hurry things now.
+
+MAGGIE. I think it's noble of you.
+
+JOHN. Not at all, Maggie; the nobleness has been yours in waiting so
+patiently. And your brothers would insist on it at any rate. They're
+watching me like cats with a mouse.
+
+MAGGIE. It's so little I've done to help.
+
+JOHN. Three hundred pounds.
+
+MAGGIE. I'm getting a thousand per cent for it.
+
+JOHN. And very pleased I am you should think so, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. Is it terrible hard to you, John?
+
+JOHN. It's not hard at all. I can say truthfully, Maggie, that all, or
+nearly all, I've seen of you in these six years has gone to increase my
+respect for you.
+
+MAGGIE. Respect!
+
+JOHN. And a bargain's a bargain.
+
+MAGGIE. If it wasn't that you're so glorious to me, John, I would let
+you off.
+
+[There is a gleam in his eye, but he puts it out.]
+
+JOHN. In my opinion, Maggie, we'll be a very happy pair.
+
+[She accepts this eagerly.]
+
+MAGGIE. We know each other so well, John, don't we?
+
+JOHN. I'm an extraordinary queer character, and I suppose nobody knows
+me well except myself; but I know you, Maggie, to the very roots of you.
+
+[She magnanimously lets this remark alone.]
+
+MAGGIE. And it's not as if there was any other woman you--fancied more,
+John.
+
+JOHN. There's none whatever.
+
+MAGGIE. If there ever should be--oh, if there ever should be! Some woman
+with charm.
+
+JOHN. Maggie, you forget yourself. There couldn't be another woman once
+I was a married man.
+
+MAGGIE. One has heard of such things.
+
+JOHN. Not in Scotsmen, Maggie; not in Scotsmen.
+
+MAGGIE. I've sometimes thought, John, that the difference between us and
+the English is that the Scotch are hard in all other respects but soft
+with women, and the English are hard with women but soft in all other
+respects.
+
+JOHN. You've forgotten the grandest moral attribute of a Scotsman,
+Maggie, that he'll do nothing which might damage his career.
+
+MAGGIE. Ah, but John, whatever you do, you do it so tremendously; and if
+you were to love, what a passion it would be.
+
+JOHN. There's something in that, I suppose.
+
+MAGGIE. And then, what could I do? For the desire of my life now, John,
+is to help you to get everything you want, except just that I want you
+to have me, too.
+
+JOHN. We'll get on fine, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. You're just making the best of it. They say that love is
+sympathy, and if that's so, mine must be a great love for you, for I see
+all you are feeling this night and bravely hiding; I feel for you as if
+I was John Shand myself. [He sighs.]
+
+JOHN. I had best go to the meeting, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. Not yet. Can you look me in the face, John, and deny that there
+is surging within you a mighty desire to be free, to begin the new life
+untrammelled?
+
+JOHN. Leave such maggots alone, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. It's a shame of me not to give you up.
+
+JOHN. I would consider you a very foolish woman if you did.
+
+MAGGIE. If I were John Shand I would no more want to take Maggie Wylie
+with me through the beautiful door that has opened wide for you than I
+would want to take an old pair of shoon. Why don't you bang the door in
+my face, John? [A tremor runs through JOHN.]
+
+JOHN. A bargain's a bargain, Maggie.
+
+[MAGGIE moves about, an eerie figure, breaking into little cries. She
+flutters round him, threateningly.]
+
+MAGGIE. Say one word about wanting to get out of it, and I'll put the
+lawyers on you.
+
+JOHN. Have I hinted at such a thing?
+
+MAGGIE. The document holds you hard and fast.
+
+JOHN. It does.
+
+[She gloats miserably.]
+
+MAGGIE. The woman never rises with the man. I'll drag you down, John.
+I'll drag you down.
+
+JOHN. Have no fear of that, I won't let you. I'm too strong.
+
+MAGGIE. You'll miss the prettiest thing in the world, and all owing to
+me.
+
+JOHN. What's that?
+
+MAGGIE. Romance.
+
+JOHN. Poof.
+
+MAGGIE. All's cold and grey without it, John. They that have had it have
+slipped in and out of heaven.
+
+JOHN. You're exaggerating, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. You've worked so hard, you've had none of the fun that comes to
+most men long before they're your age.
+
+JOHN. I never was one for fun. I cannot call to mind, Maggie, ever
+having laughed in my life.
+
+MAGGIE. You have no sense of humour.
+
+JOHN. Not a spark.
+
+MAGGIE. I've sometimes thought that if you had, it might make you fonder
+of me. I think one needs a sense of humour to be fond of me.
+
+JOHN. I remember reading of some one that said it needed a surgical
+operation to get a joke into a Scotsman's head.
+
+MAGGIE. Yes, that's been said.
+
+JOHN. What beats me, Maggie, is how you could insert a joke with an
+operation.
+
+[He considers this and gives it up.]
+
+MAGGIE. That's not the kind of fun I was thinking of. I mean fun with
+the lasses, John--gay, jolly, harmless fun. They could be impudent
+fashionable beauties now, stretching themselves to attract you, like
+that hiccoughing little devil, and running away from you, and crooking
+their fingers to you to run after them.
+
+[He draws a big breath.]
+
+JOHN. No, I never had that.
+
+MAGGIE. It's every man's birthright, and you would have it now but for
+me.
+
+JOHN. I can do without, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. It's like missing out all the Saturdays.
+
+JOHN. You feel sure, I suppose, that an older man wouldn't suit you
+better, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. I couldn't feel surer of anything. You're just my ideal.
+
+JOHN. Yes, yes. Well, that's as it should be.
+
+[She threatens him again.]
+
+MAGGIE. David has the document. It's carefully locked away.
+
+JOHN. He would naturally take good care of it.
+
+[The pride of the Wylies deserts her.]
+
+MAGGIE. John, I make you a solemn promise that, in consideration of the
+circumstances of our marriage, if you should ever fall in love I'll act
+differently from other wives.
+
+JOHN. There will be no occasion, Maggie.
+
+[Her voice becomes tremulous.]
+
+MAGGIE. John, David doesn't have the document. He thinks he has, but I
+have it here.
+
+[Somewhat heavily JOHN surveys the fatal paper.]
+
+JOHN. Well do I mind the look of it, Maggie. Yes, yes, that's it. Umpha.
+
+MAGGIE. You don't ask why I've brought it.
+
+JOHN. Why did you?
+
+MAGGIE. Because I thought I might perhaps have the courage and the
+womanliness to give it back to you. [JOHN has a brief dream.] Will you
+never hold it up against me in the future that I couldn't do that?
+
+JOHN. I promise you, Maggie, I never will.
+
+MAGGIE. To go back to The Pans and take up my old life there, when
+all these six years my eyes have been centred on this night! I've been
+waiting for this night as long as you have been; and now to go back
+there, and wizen and dry up, when I might be married to John Shand!
+
+JOHN. And you will be, Maggie. You have my word.
+
+MAGGIE. Never--never--never. [She tears up the document. He remains
+seated immovable, but the gleam returns to his eye. She rages first at
+herself and then at him.] I'm a fool, a fool, to let you go. I tell you,
+you'll rue this day, for you need me, you'll come to grief without me.
+There's nobody can help you as I could have helped you. I'm essential to
+your career, and you're blind not to see it.
+
+JOHN. What's that, Maggie? In no circumstances would I allow any
+meddling with my career.
+
+MAGGIE. You would never have known I was meddling with it. But that's
+over. Don't be in too great a hurry to marry, John. Have your fling with
+the beautiful dolls first. Get the whiphand of the haughty ones, John.
+Give them their licks. Every time they hiccough let them have an extra
+slap in memory of me. And be sure to remember this, my man, that the one
+who marries you will find you out.
+
+JOHN. Find me out?
+
+MAGGIE. However careful a man is, his wife always finds out his
+failings.
+
+JOHN. I don't know, Maggie, to what failings you refer.
+
+[The Cowcaddens Club has burst its walls, and is pouring this way to
+raise the new Member on its crest. The first wave hurls itself against
+the barber's shop with cries of 'Shand, Shand, Shand.' For a moment,
+JOHN stems the torrent by planting his back against the door.]
+
+You are acting under an impulse, Maggie, and I can't take advantage of
+it. Think the matter over, and we'll speak about it in the morning.
+
+MAGGIE. No, I can't go through it again. It ends to-night and now. Good
+luck, John.
+
+[She is immediately submerged in the sea that surges through the door,
+bringing much wreckage with it. In a moment the place is so full that
+another cupful could not find standing room. Some slippery ones are
+squeezed upwards and remain aloft as warnings. JOHN has jumped on to
+the stair, and harangues the flood vainly like another Canute. It is
+something about freedom and noble minds, and, though unheard, goes to
+all heads, including the speaker's. By the time he is audible sentiment
+has him for her own.]
+
+JOHN. But, gentlemen, one may have too much even of freedom [No, no.]
+Yes, Mr. Adamson. One may want to be tied. [Never, never.] I say yes,
+Willie Cameron; and I have found a young lady who I am proud to say is
+willing to be tied to me. I'm to be married. [Uproar.] Her name's Miss
+Wylie. [Transport.] Quiet; she's here now. [Frenzy.] She was here!
+Where are you, Maggie? [A small voice--'I'm here.' A hundred great
+voices--'Where--where--where?' The small voice--'I'm so little none of
+you can see me.']
+
+[Three men, name of Wylie, buffet their way forward.]
+
+DAVID. James, father, have you grip of her?
+
+ALICK. We've got her.
+
+DAVID. Then hoist her up.
+
+[The queer little elated figure is raised aloft. With her fingers
+she can just touch the stars. Not unconscious of the nobility of his
+behaviour, the hero of the evening points an impressive finger at her.]
+
+JOHN. Gentlemen, the future Mrs. John Shand! [Cries of 'Speech,
+speech!'] No, no, being a lady she can't make a speech, but---
+
+[The heroine of the evening surprises him.]
+
+MAGGIE. I can make a speech, and I will make a speech, and it's in two
+words, and they're these [holding out her arms to enfold all the members
+of the Cowcaddens Club]--My Constituents! [Dementia.]
+
+
+
+
+ACT III
+
+[A few minutes ago the Comtesse de la Briere, who has not recently been
+in England, was shown into the London home of the Shands. Though not
+sufficiently interested to express her surprise in words, she raised her
+eyebrows on finding herself in a charming room; she has presumed that
+the Shand scheme of decoration would be as impossible as themselves.
+
+It is the little room behind the dining-room for which English
+architects have long been famous; 'Make something of this, and you will
+indeed be a clever one,' they seem to say to you as they unveil it. The
+Comtesse finds that John has undoubtedly made something of it. It is his
+'study' (mon Dieu, the words these English use!) and there is nothing
+in it that offends; there is so much not in it too that might so easily
+have been there. It is not in the least ornate; there are no colours
+quarrelling with each other (unseen, unheard by the blissful occupant of
+the revolving chair); the Comtesse has not even the gentle satisfaction
+of noting a 'suite' in stained oak. Nature might have taken a share in
+the decorations, so restful are they to the eyes; it is the working
+room of a man of culture, probably lately down from Oxford; at a first
+meeting there is nothing in it that pretends to be what it is not. Our
+visitor is a little disappointed, but being fair-minded blows her absent
+host a kiss for disappointing her.
+
+He has even, she observes with a twinkle, made something of the most
+difficult of his possessions, the little wife. For Maggie, who is here
+receiving her, has been quite creditably toned down. He has put her
+into a little grey frock that not only deals gently with her personal
+defects, but is in harmony with the room. Evidently, however, she has
+not 'risen' with him, for she is as ever; the Comtesse, who remembers
+having liked her the better of the two, could shake her for being so
+stupid. For instance, why is she not asserting herself in that other
+apartment?
+
+The other apartment is really a correctly solemn dining-room, of which
+we have a glimpse through partly open folding-doors. At this moment
+it is harbouring Mr. Shand's ladies' committee, who sit with pens and
+foolscap round the large table, awaiting the advent of their leader.
+There are nobly wise ones and some foolish ones among them, for we are
+back in the strange days when it was considered 'unwomanly' for women to
+have minds. The Comtesse peeps at them with curiosity, as they arrange
+their papers or are ushered into the dining-room through a door which we
+cannot see. To her frivolous ladyship they are a species of wild fowl,
+and she is specially amused to find her niece among them. She demands an
+explanation as soon as the communicating doors close.]
+
+COMTESSE. Tell me since when has my dear Sybil become one of these
+ladies? It is not like her.
+
+[MAGGIE is obviously not clever enough to understand the woman question.
+Her eye rests longingly on a half-finished stocking as she innocently
+but densely replies:]
+
+ MAGGIE. I think it was about the time that my husband took up their
+cause.
+
+[The COMTESSE has been hearing tales of LADY SYBIL and the barbarian;
+and after having the grace to hesitate, she speaks with the directness
+for which she is famed in Mayfair.]
+
+COMTESSE. Mrs. Shand, excuse me for saying that if half of what I
+hear be true, your husband is seeing that lady a great deal too often.
+[MAGGIE is expressionless; she reaches for her stocking, whereat her
+guest loses patience.] Oh, mon Dieu, put that down; you can buy them at
+two francs the pair. Mrs. Shand, why do not you compel yourself to take
+an intelligent interest in your husband's work?
+
+MAGGIE. I typewrite his speeches.
+
+COMTESSE. But do you know what they are about?
+
+MAGGIE. They are about various subjects.
+
+COMTESSE. Oh!
+
+[Did MAGGIE give her an unseen quizzical glance before demurely
+resuming the knitting? One is not certain, as JOHN has come in, and
+this obliterates her. A 'Scotsman on the make,' of whom DAVID has spoken
+reverently, is still to be read--in a somewhat better bound volume--in
+JOHN SHAND's person; but it is as doggedly honest a face as ever; and he
+champions women, not for personal ends, but because his blessed days
+of poverty gave him a light upon their needs. His self-satisfaction,
+however, has increased, and he has pleasantly forgotten some things.
+For instance, he can now call out 'Porter' at railway stations without
+dropping his hands for the barrow. MAGGIE introduces the COMTESSE, and
+he is still undaunted.]
+
+JOHN. I remember you well--at Glasgow.
+
+COMTESSE. It must be quite two years ago, Mr. Shand.
+
+[JOHN has no objection to showing that he has had a classical
+education.]
+
+JOHN. Tempus fugit, Comtesse.
+
+COMTESSE. I have not been much in this country since then, and I return
+to find you a coming man.
+
+[Fortunately his learning is tempered with modesty.]
+
+JOHN. Oh, I don't know, I don't know.
+
+COMTESSE. The Ladies' Champion.
+
+[His modesty is tempered with a respect for truth.]
+
+JOHN. Well, well.
+
+COMTESSE. And you are about, as I understand, to introduce a bill to
+give women an equal right with men to grow beards [which is all she
+knows about it. He takes the remark literally.]
+
+JOHN. There's nothing about beards in it, Comtesse. [She gives him time
+to cogitate, and is pleased to note that there is no result.] Have you
+typed my speech, Maggie?
+
+MAGGIE. Yes; twenty-six pages. [She produces it from a drawer.]
+
+[Perhaps JOHN wishes to impress the visitor.]
+
+JOHN. I'm to give the ladies' committee a general idea of it. Just see,
+Maggie, if I know the peroration. 'In conclusion, Mr. Speaker, these are
+the reasonable demands of every intelligent Englishwoman'--I had better
+say British woman--'and I am proud to nail them to my flag'---
+
+[The visitor is properly impressed.]
+
+COMTESSE. Oho! defies his leaders!
+
+JOHN. 'So long as I can do so without embarrassing the Government.'
+
+COMTESSE. Ah, ah, Mr. Shand!
+
+JOHN. 'I call upon the Front Bench, sir, loyally but firmly'--
+
+COMTESSE. Firm again!
+
+JOHN. --'either to accept my Bill, or to promise WITHOUT DELAY to bring
+in one of their own; and if they decline to do so I solemnly warn them
+that though I will not press the matter to a division just now'--
+
+COMTESSE. Ahem!
+
+JOHN. 'I will bring it forward again in the near future.' And now
+Comtesse, you know that I'm not going to divide--and not another soul
+knows it.
+
+COMTESSE. I am indeed flattered by your confidence.
+
+JOHN. I've only told you because I don't care who knows now.
+
+COMTESSE. Oh!
+
+[Somehow MAGGIE seems to be dissatisfied.]
+
+MAGGIE. But why is that, John?
+
+JOHN. I daren't keep the Government in doubt any longer about what I
+mean to do. I'll show the whips the speech privately to-night.
+
+MAGGIE [who still wants to know]. But not to go to a division is
+hedging, isn't it? Is that strong?
+
+JOHN. To make the speech at all, Maggie, is stronger than most would
+dare. They would do for me if I went to a division.
+
+MAGGIE. Bark but not bite?
+
+JOHN. Now, now, Maggie, you're out of your depth.
+
+MAGGIE. I suppose that's it.
+
+[The COMTESSE remains in the shallows.]
+
+COMTESSE. But what will the ladies say, Mr. Shand?
+
+JOHN. They won't like it, Comtesse, but they've got to lump it.
+
+[Here the maid appears with a card for MAGGIE, who considers it
+quietly.]
+
+JOHN. Any one of importance?
+
+MAGGIE. No.
+
+JOHN. Then I'm ready, Maggie.
+
+[This is evidently an intimation that she is to open the folding-doors,
+and he makes an effective entrance into the dining-room, his thumb
+in his waistcoat. There is a delicious clapping of hands from the
+committee, and the door closes. Not till then does MAGGIE, who has grown
+thoughtful, tell her maid to admit the visitor.]
+
+COMTESSE. Another lady, Mrs. Shand?
+
+MAGGIE. The card says 'Mr. Charles Venables.'
+
+[The COMTESSE is really interested at last.]
+
+COMTESSE. Charles Venables! Do you know him?
+
+MAGGIE. I think I call to mind meeting one of that name at the Foreign
+Office party.
+
+COMTESSE. One of that name! He who is a Minister of your Cabinet. But as
+you know him so little why should he call on you?
+
+MAGGIE. I wonder.
+
+[MAGGIE's glance wanders to the drawer in which she has replaced JOHN's
+speech.]
+
+COMTESSE. Well, well, I shall take care of you, petite.
+
+MAGGIE. Do you know him?
+
+COMTESSE. Do I know him! The last time I saw him he asked me
+to--to--hem!--ma cherie, it was thirty years ago.
+
+MAGGIE. Thirty years!
+
+COMTESSE. I was a pretty woman then. I dare say I shall detest him now;
+but if I find I do not--let us have a little plot--I shall drop this
+book; and then perhaps you will be so charming as--as not to be here for
+a little while?
+
+[MR. VENABLES, who enters, is such a courtly seigneur that he seems to
+bring the eighteenth century with him; you feel that his sedan chair is
+at the door. He stoops over MAGGIE's plebeian hand.]
+
+VENABLES. I hope you will pardon my calling, Mrs. Shand; we had such a
+pleasant talk the other evening.
+
+[MAGGIE, of course, is at once deceived by his gracious manner.]
+
+MAGGIE. I think it's kind of you. Do you know each other? The Comtesse
+de la Briere.
+
+[He repeats the name with some emotion, and the COMTESSE, half
+mischievously, half sadly, holds a hand before her face.]
+
+VENABLES. Comtesse.
+
+COMTESSE. Thirty years, Mr. Venables.
+
+[He gallantly removes the hand that screens her face.]
+
+VENABLES. It does not seem so much.
+
+[She gives him a similar scrutiny.]
+
+COMTESSE. Mon Dieu, it seems all that.
+
+[They smile rather ruefully. MAGGIE like a kind hostess relieves the
+tension.]
+
+MAGGIE. The Comtesse has taken a cottage in Surrey for the summer.
+
+VENABLES. I am overjoyed.
+
+COMTESSE. No, Charles, you are not. You no longer care. Fickle one! And
+it is only thirty years.
+
+[He sinks into a chair beside her.]
+
+VENABLES. Those heavenly evenings, Comtesse, on the Bosphorus.
+
+COMTESSE. I refuse to talk of them. I hate you.
+
+[But she drops the book, and MAGGIE fades from the room. It is not a
+very clever departure, and the old diplomatist smiles. Then he sighs a
+beautiful sigh, for he does all things beautifully.]
+
+VENABLES. It is moonlight, Comtesse, on the Golden Horn.
+
+COMTESSE. Who are those two young things in a caique?
+
+VENABLES. Is he the brave Leander, Comtesse, and is she Hero of the
+Lamp?
+
+COMTESSE. No, she is the foolish wife of the French Ambassador, and
+he is a good-for-nothing British attache trying to get her husband's
+secrets out of her.
+
+VENABLES. Is it possible! They part at a certain garden gate.
+
+COMTESSE. Oh, Charles, Charles!
+
+VENABLES. But you promised to come back; I waited there till dawn.
+Blanche, if you HAD come back--
+
+COMTESSE. How is Mrs. Venables?
+
+VENABLES. She is rather poorly. I think it's gout.
+
+COMTESSE. And you?
+
+VENABLES. I creak a little in the mornings.
+
+COMTESSE. So do I. There is such a good man at Wiesbaden.
+
+VENABLES. The Homburg fellow is better. The way he patched me up last
+summer--Oh, Lord, Lord!
+
+COMTESSE. Yes, Charles, the game is up; we are two old fogies. [They
+groan in unison; then she raps him sharply on the knuckles.] Tell me,
+sir, what are you doing here?
+
+VENABLES. Merely a friendly call.
+
+COMTESSE. I do not believe it.
+
+VENABLES. The same woman; the old delightful candour.
+
+COMTESSE. The same man; the old fibs. [She sees that the door is asking
+a question.] Yes, come, Mrs. Shand, I have had quite enough of him; I
+warn you he is here for some crafty purpose.
+
+MAGGIE [drawing back timidly]. Surely not?
+
+VENABLES. Really, Comtesse, you make conversation difficult. To show
+that my intentions are innocent, Mrs. Shand, I propose that you choose
+the subject.
+
+MAGGIE [relieved]. There, Comtesse.
+
+VENABLES. I hope your husband is well?
+
+MAGGIE. Yes, thank you. [With a happy thought] I decide that we talk
+about him.
+
+VENABLES. If you wish it.
+
+COMTESSE. Be careful; HE has chosen the subject.
+
+MAGGIE. _I_ chose it, didn't I?
+
+VENABLES. You know you did.
+
+MAGGIE [appealingly]. You admire John?
+
+VENABLES. Very much. But he puzzles me a little. You Scots, Mrs. Shand,
+are such a mixture of the practical and the emotional that you escape
+out of an Englishman's hand like a trout.
+
+MAGGIE [open-eyed]. Do we?
+
+VENABLES. Well, not you, but your husband. I have known few men make
+a worse beginning in the House. He had the most atrocious bow-wow
+public-park manner---
+
+COMTESSE. I remember that manner!
+
+MAGGIE. No, he hadn't.
+
+VENABLES [soothingly]. At first. But by his second session he had shed
+all that, and he is now a pleasure to listen to. By the way, Comtesse,
+have you found any dark intention in that?
+
+COMTESSE. You wanted to know whether he talks over these matter with his
+wife; and she has told you that he does not.
+
+MAGGIE [indignantly]. I haven't said a word about it, have I?
+
+VENABLES. Not a word. Then, again, I admire him for his impromptu
+speeches.
+
+MAGGIE. What is impromptu?
+
+VENABLES. Unprepared. They have contained some grave blunders not so
+much of judgment as of taste---
+
+MAGGIE [hotly]. _I_ don't think so.
+
+VENABLES. Pardon me. But he has righted himself subsequently in the
+neatest way. I have always found that the man whose second thoughts are
+good is worth watching. Well, Comtesse, I see you have something to say.
+
+COMTESSE. You are wondering whether she can tell you who gives him his
+second thoughts.
+
+MAGGIE. Gives them to John? I would like to see anybody try to give
+thoughts to John.
+
+VENABLES. Quite so.
+
+COMTESSE. Is there anything more that has roused your admiration
+Charles?
+
+VENABLES [purring]. Let me see. Yes, we are all much edified by his
+humour.
+
+COMTESSE [surprised indeed]. His humour? That man!
+
+MAGGIE [with hauteur]. Why not?
+
+VENABLES. I assure you, Comtesse, some of the neat things in
+his speeches convulse the house. A word has even been coined for
+them--Shandisms.
+
+COMTESSE [slowly recovering from a blow]. Humour!
+
+VENABLES. In conversation, I admit, he strikes one as
+being--ah--somewhat lacking in humour.
+
+COMTESSE [pouncing]. You are wondering who supplies his speeches with
+the humour.
+
+MAGGIE. Supplies John?
+
+VENABLES. Now that you mention it, some of his Shandisms do have a
+curiously feminine quality.
+
+COMTESSE. You have thought it might be a woman.
+
+VENABLES. Really, Comtesse--
+
+COMTESSE. I see it all. Charles, you thought it might be the wife!
+
+VENABLES [flinging up his hands]. I own up.
+
+MAGGIE [bewildered]. Me?
+
+VENABLES. Forgive me, I see I was wrong.
+
+MAGGIE [alarmed]. Have I been doing John any harm?
+
+VENABLES. On the contrary, I am relieved to know that there are no
+hairpins in his speeches. If he is at home, Mrs. Shand, may I see him? I
+am going to be rather charming to him.
+
+MAGGIE [drawn in two directions]. Yes, he is--oh yes--but--
+
+VENABLES. That is to say, Comtesse, if he proves himself the man I
+believe him to be.
+
+[This arrests MAGGIE almost as she has reached the dining-room door.]
+
+MAGGIE [hesitating]. He is very busy just now.
+
+VENABLES [smiling]. I think he will see me.
+
+MAGGIE. Is it something about his speech?
+
+VENABLES [the smile hardening]. Well, yes, it is.
+
+MAGGIE. Then I dare say I could tell you what you want to know without
+troubling him, as I've been typing it.
+
+VENABLES [with a sigh]. I don't acquire information in that way.
+
+COMTESSE. I trust not.
+
+MAGGIE. There's no secret about it. He is to show it to the whips
+tonight.
+
+VENABLES [sharply]. You are sure of that?
+
+COMTESSE. It is quite true, Charles. I heard him say so; and indeed he
+repeated what he called the 'peroration' before me.
+
+MAGGIE. I know it by heart. [She plays a bold game.] 'These are the
+demands of all intelligent British women, and I am proud to nail them to
+my flag'--
+
+COMTESSE. The very words, Mrs. Shand.
+
+MAGGIE [looking at her imploringly]. 'And I don't care how they may
+embarrass the Government.' [The COMTESSE is bereft of speech, so
+suddenly has she been introduced to the real MAGGIE SHAND]. 'If the
+right honourable gentleman will give us his pledge to introduce a
+similar Bill this session I will willingly withdraw mine; but otherwise
+I solemnly warn him that I will press the matter now to a division.'
+
+[She turns her face from the great man; she has gone white.]
+
+VENABLES [after a pause]. Capital.
+
+[The blood returns to MAGGIE's heart.]
+
+COMTESSE [who is beginning to enjoy herself very much]. Then you are
+pleased to know that he means to, as you say, go to a division?
+
+VENABLES. Delighted. The courage of it will be the making of him.
+
+COMTESSE. I see.
+
+VENABLES. Had he been to hedge we should have known that he was a
+pasteboard knight and have disregarded him.
+
+COMTESSE. I see.
+
+[She desires to catch the eye of MAGGIE, but it is carefully turned from
+her.]
+
+VENABLES. Mrs. Shand, let us have him in at once.
+
+COMTESSE. Yes, yes, indeed.
+
+[MAGGIE's anxiety returns, but she has to call JOHN in.]
+
+JOHN [impressed]. Mr. Venables! This is an honour.
+
+VENABLES. How are you, Shand?
+
+JOHN. Sit down, sit down. [Becoming himself again.] I can guess what you
+have come about.
+
+VENABLES. Ah, you Scotsmen.
+
+JOHN. Of course I know I'm harassing the Government a good deal--
+
+VENABLES [blandly]. Not at all, Shand. The Government are very pleased.
+
+JOHN. You don't expect me to believe that?
+
+VENABLES. I called here to give you the proof of it. You may know that
+we are to have a big meeting at Leeds on the 24th, when two Ministers
+are to speak. There is room for a third speaker, and I am authorised to
+offer that place to you.
+
+JOHN. To me!
+
+VENABLES. Yes.
+
+JOHN [swelling]. It would be--the Government taking me up.
+
+VENABLES. Don't make too much of it; it would be an acknowledgment that
+they look upon you as one of their likely young men.
+
+MAGGIE. John!
+
+JOHN [not found wanting in a trying hour]. It's a bribe. You are
+offering me this on condition that I don't make my speech. How can you
+think so meanly of me as to believe that I would play the women's cause
+false for the sake of my own advancement. I refuse your bribe.
+
+VENABLES [liking him for the first time]. Good. But you are wrong.
+There are no conditions, and we want you to make your speech. Now do you
+accept?
+
+JOHN [still suspicious]. If you make me the same offer after you have
+read it. I insist on your reading it first.
+
+VENABLES [sighing]. By all means.
+
+[MAGGIE is in an agony as she sees JOHN hand the speech to his leader.
+On the other hand, the COMTESSE thrills.]
+
+But I assure you we look on the speech as a small matter. The important
+thing is your intention of going to a division; and we agree to that
+also.
+
+JOHN [losing his head]. What's that?
+
+VENABLES. Yes, we agree.
+
+JOHN. But--but--why, you have been threatening to excommunicate me if I
+dared.
+
+VENABLES. All done to test you, Shand.
+
+JOHN. To test me?
+
+VENABLES. We know that a division on your Bill can have no serious
+significance; we shall see to that. And so the test was to be whether
+you had the pluck to divide the House. Had you been intending to talk
+big in this speech, and then hedge, through fear of the Government, they
+would have had no further use for you.
+
+JOHN [heavily]. I understand. [But there is one thing he cannot
+understand, which is, why VENABLES should be so sure that he is not to
+hedge.]
+
+VENABLES [turning over the pages carelessly]. Any of your good things in
+this, Shand?
+
+JOHN [whose one desire is to get the pages back]. No, I--no--it isn't
+necessary you should read it now.
+
+VENABLES [from politeness only]. Merely for my own pleasure. I shall
+look through it this evening. [He rolls up the speech to put it in his
+pocket. JOHN turns despairingly to MAGGIE, though well aware that no
+help can come from her.]
+
+MAGGIE. That's the only copy there is, John. [To VENABLES] Let me make a
+fresh one, and send it to you in an hour or two.
+
+VENABLES [good-naturedly]. I could not put you to that trouble, Mrs.
+Shand. I will take good care of it.
+
+MAGGIE. If anything were to happen to you on the way home, wouldn't
+whatever is in your pocket be considered to be the property of your
+heirs?
+
+VENABLES [laughing]. Now there is forethought! Shand, I think that
+after that--! [He returns the speech to JOHN, whose hand swallows it
+greedily.] She is Scotch too, Comtesse.
+
+COMTESSE [delighted]. Yes, she is Scotch too.
+
+VENABLES. Though the only persons likely to do for me in the street,
+Shand, are your ladies' committee. Ever since they took the horse out of
+my brougham, I can scent them a mile away.
+
+COMTESSE. A mile? Charles, peep in there.
+
+[He softly turns the handle of the dining-room door, and realises that
+his scent is not so good as he had thought it. He bids his hostess and
+the COMTESSE good-bye in a burlesque whisper and tiptoes off to safer
+places. JOHN having gone out with him, MAGGIE can no longer avoid the
+COMTESSE's reproachful eye. That much injured lady advances upon her
+with accusing finger.]
+
+COMTESSE. So, madam!
+
+[MAGGIE is prepared for her.]
+
+MAGGIE. I don't know what you mean.
+
+COMTESSE. Yes, you do. I mean that there IS some one who 'helps' our Mr.
+Shand.
+
+MAGGIE. There's not.
+
+COMTESSE. And it IS a woman, and it's you.
+
+MAGGIE. I help in the little things.
+
+COMTESSE. The little things! You are the Pin he picked up and that is
+to make his fortune. And now what I want to know is whether your John is
+aware that you help at all.
+
+[JOHN returns, and at once provides the answer.]
+
+JOHN. Maggie, Comtesse, I've done it again!
+
+MAGGIE. I'm so glad, John.
+
+[The COMTESSE is in an ecstasy.]
+
+COMTESSE. And all because you were not to hedge, Mr. Shand.
+
+[His appeal to her with the wistfulness of a schoolboy makes him rather
+attractive.]
+
+JOHN. You won't tell on me, Comtesse! [He thinks it out.] They had just
+guessed I would be firm because they know I'm a strong man. You little
+saw, Maggie, what a good turn you were doing me when you said you wanted
+to make another copy of the speech.
+
+[She is dense.]
+
+MAGGIE. How, John?
+
+JOHN. Because now I can alter the end.
+
+[She is enlightened.]
+
+MAGGIE. So you can!
+
+JOHN. Here's another lucky thing, Maggie: I hadn't told the ladies'
+committee that I was to hedge, and so they need never know. Comtesse, I
+tell you there's a little cherub who sits up aloft and looks after the
+career of John Shand.
+
+[The COMTESSE looks not aloft but toward the chair at present occupied
+by MAGGIE.]
+
+COMTESSE. Where does she sit, Mr. Shand?
+
+[He knows that women are not well read.]
+
+JOHN. It's just a figure of speech.
+
+[He returns airily to his committee room; and now again you may hear
+the click of MAGGIE's needles. They no longer annoy the COMTESSE; she is
+setting them to music.]
+
+COMTESSE. It is not down here she sits, Mrs. Shand, knitting a stocking.
+
+MAGGIE. No, it isn't.
+
+COMTESSE. And when I came in I gave him credit for everything; even for
+the prettiness of the room!
+
+MAGGIE. He has beautiful taste.
+
+COMTESSE. Good-bye, Scotchy.
+
+MAGGIE. Good-bye, Comtesse, and thank you for coming.
+
+COMTESSE. Good-bye--Miss Pin.
+
+[MAGGIE rings genteelly.]
+
+MAGGIE. Good-bye.
+
+[The COMTESSE is now lost in admiration of her.]
+
+COMTESSE. You divine little wife. He can't be worthy of it, no man could
+be worthy of it. Why do you do it?
+
+[MAGGIE shivers a little.]
+
+MAGGIE. He loves to think he does it all himself; that's the way of
+men. I'm six years older than he is. I'm plain, and I have no charm. I
+shouldn't have let him marry me. I'm trying to make up for it.
+
+[The COMTESSE kisses her and goes away. MAGGIE, somewhat foolishly,
+resumes her knitting.]
+
+[Some days later this same room is listening--with the same
+inattention--to the outpouring of JOHN SHAND's love for the lady of the
+hiccoughs. We arrive--by arrangement--rather late; and thus we miss some
+of the most delightful of the pangs.
+
+One can see that these two are playing no game, or, if they are, that
+they little know it. The wonders of the world [so strange are the
+instruments chosen by Love] have been revealed to JOHN in hiccoughs; he
+shakes in SYBIL's presence; never were more swimming eyes; he who has
+been of a wooden face till now, with ways to match, has gone on flame
+like a piece of paper; emotion is in flood in him. We may be almost fond
+of JOHN for being so worshipful of love. Much has come to him that we
+had almost despaired of his acquiring, including nearly all the divine
+attributes except that sense of humour. The beautiful SYBIL has always
+possessed but little of it also, and what she had has been struck from
+her by Cupid's flail. Naked of the saving grace, they face each other in
+awful rapture.]
+
+JOHN. In a room, Sybil, I go to you as a cold man to a fire. You fill me
+like a peal of bells in an empty house.
+
+[She is being brutally treated by the dear impediment, for which
+hiccough is such an inadequate name that even to spell it is an
+abomination though a sign of ability. How to describe a sound that is
+noiseless? Let us put it thus, that when SYBIL wants to say something
+very much there are little obstacles in her way; she falters, falls
+perhaps once, and then is over, the while her appealing orbs beg you
+not to be angry with her. We may express those sweet pauses in precious
+dots, which some clever person can afterwards string together and make a
+pearl necklace of them.]
+
+SYBIL. I should not ... let you say it, ... but ... you ... say it so
+beautifully.
+
+JOHN. You must have guessed.
+
+SYBIL. I dreamed ... I feared ... but you were ... Scotch, and I didn't
+know what to think.
+
+JOHN. Do you know what first attracted me to you, Sybil? It was your
+insolence. I thought, 'I'll break her insolence for her.'
+
+SYBIL. And I thought... 'I'll break his str...ength!'
+
+JOHN. And now your cooing voice plays round me; the softness of you,
+Sybil, in your pretty clothes makes me think of young birds. [The
+impediment is now insurmountable; she has to swim for it, she swims
+toward him.] It is you who inspire my work.
+
+[He thrills to find that she can be touched without breaking.]
+
+SYBIL. I am so glad... so proud...
+
+JOHN. And others know it, Sybil, as well as I. Only yesterday the
+Comtesse said to me, 'No man could get on so fast unaided. Cherchez la
+femme, Mr. Shand.'
+
+SYBIL. Auntie said that?
+
+JOHN. I said 'Find her yourself, Comtesse.'
+
+SYBIL. And she?
+
+JOHN. She said 'I have found her,' and I said in my blunt way, 'You mean
+Lady Sybil,' and she went away laughing.
+
+SYBIL. Laughing?
+
+JOHN. I seem to amuse the woman.
+
+[Sybil grows sad.]
+
+SYBIL. If Mrs. Shand--It is so cruel to her. Whom did you say she had
+gone to the station to meet?
+
+JOHN. Her father and brothers.
+
+SYBIL. It is so cruel to them. We must think no more of this. It is
+mad... ness.
+
+JOHN. It's fate. Sybil, let us declare our love openly.
+
+SYBIL. You can't ask that, now in the first moment that you tell me of
+it.
+
+JOHN. The one thing I won't do even for you is to live a life of
+underhand.
+
+SYBIL. The... blow to her.
+
+JOHN. Yes. But at least she has always known that I never loved her.
+
+SYBIL. It is asking me to give... up everything, every one, for you.
+
+JOHN. It's too much.
+
+[JOHN is humble at last.]
+
+SYBIL. To a woman who truly loves, even that is not too much. Oh! it is
+not I who matter--it is you.
+
+JOHN. My dear, my dear.
+
+SYBIL. So gladly would I do it to save you; but, oh, if it were to bring
+you down!
+
+JOHN. Nothing can keep me down if I have you to help me.
+
+SYBIL. I am dazed, John, I...
+
+JOHN. My love, my love.
+
+SYBIL. I... oh... here...
+
+JOHN. Be brave, Sybil, be brave.
+
+SYBIL. ..........
+
+[In this bewilderment of pearls she melts into his arms. MAGGIE happens
+to open the door just then; but neither fond heart hears her.]
+
+JOHN. I can't walk along the streets, Sybil, without looking in all the
+shop windows for what I think would become you best. [As awkwardly as
+though his heart still beat against corduroy, he takes from his pocket
+a pendant and its chain. He is shy, and she drops pearls over the beauty
+of the ruby which is its only stone.] It is a drop of my blood, Sybil.
+
+[Her lovely neck is outstretched, and he puts the chain round it. MAGGIE
+withdraws as silently as she had come; but perhaps the door whispered
+'d--n' as it closed, for SYBIL wakes out of Paradise.]
+
+SYBIL. I thought---Did the door shut?
+
+JOHN. It was shut already.
+
+[Perhaps it is only that SYBIL is bewildered to find herself once again
+in a world that has doors.]
+
+SYBIL. It seemed to me---
+
+JOHN. There was nothing. But I think I hear voices; they may have
+arrived.
+
+[Some pretty instinct makes SYBIL go farther from him. MAGGIE kindly
+gives her time for this by speaking before opening the door.]
+
+MAGGIE. That will do perfectly, David. The maid knows where to put them.
+[She comes in.] They've come, John; they WOULD help with the luggage.
+[JOHN goes out. MAGGIE is agreeably surprised to find a visitor.] How do
+you do, Lady Sybil? This is nice of you.
+
+SYBIL. I was so sorry not to find you in, Mrs. Shand.
+
+[The impediment has run away. It is only for those who love it.]
+
+MAGGIE. Thank you. You'll sit down?
+
+SYBIL. I think not; your relatives---
+
+MAGGIE. They will be so proud to see that you are my friend.
+
+[If MAGGIE were less simple her guest would feel more comfortable. She
+tries to make conversation.]
+
+SYBIL. It is their first visit to London?
+
+[Instead of relieving her anxiety on this point, MAGGIE has a long look
+at the gorgeous armful.]
+
+MAGGIE. I'm glad you are so beautiful, Lady Sybil.
+
+[The beautiful one is somehow not flattered. She pursues her
+investigations with growing uneasiness.]
+
+SYBIL. One of them is married now, isn't he? [Still there is no answer;
+MAGGIE continues looking at her, and shivers slightly.] Have they
+travelled from Scotland to-day? Mrs. Shand, why do you look at me so?
+The door did open! [MAGGIE nods.] What are you to do?
+
+MAGGIE. That would be telling. Sit down, my pretty.
+
+[As SYBIL subsides into what the Wylies with one glance would call the
+best chair, MAGGIE's men-folk are brought in by JOHN, all carrying silk
+hats and looking very active after their long rest in the train. They
+are gazing about them. They would like this lady, they would like JOHN,
+they would even like MAGGIE to go away for a little and leave them to
+examine the room. Is that linen on the walls, for instance, or just
+paper? Is the carpet as thick as it feels, or is there brown paper
+beneath it? Had MAGGIE got anything off that bookcase on account of the
+worm-hole? DAVID even discovers that we were simpletons when we said
+there was nothing in the room that pretended to be what it was not. He
+taps the marble mantelpiece, and is favourably impressed by the tinny
+sound.]
+
+DAVID. Very fine imitation. It's a capital house, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. I'm so glad you like it. Do you know one another? This is my
+father and my brothers, Lady Sybil.
+
+[The lovely form inclines towards them. ALICK and DAVID remain firm on
+their legs, but JAMES totters.]
+
+JAMES. A ladyship! Well done, Maggie.
+
+ALICK [sharply]. James! I remember you, my lady.
+
+MAGGIE. Sit down, father. This is the study.
+
+[JAMES wanders round it inquisitively until called to order.]
+
+SYBIL. You must be tired after your long journey.
+
+DAVID [drawing the portraits of himself and partners in one lightning
+sketch]. Tired, your ladyship? We sat on cushioned seats the whole way.
+
+JAMES [looking about him for the chair you sit on]. Every seat in this
+room is cushioned.
+
+MAGGIE. You may say all my life is cushioned now, James, by this dear
+man of mine.
+
+[She gives JOHN'S shoulder a loving pressure, which SYBIL feels is a
+telegraphic communication to herself in a cypher that she cannot read.
+ALICK and the BROTHERS bask in the evidence of MAGGIE's happiness.]
+
+JOHN [uncomfortably]. And is Elizabeth hearty, James?
+
+JAMES [looking down his nose in the manner proper to young husbands when
+addressed about their wives]. She's very well, I thank you kindly.
+
+MAGGIE. James is a married man now, Lady Sybil.
+
+[SYBIL murmurs her congratulations.]
+
+JAMES. I thank you kindly. [Courageously] Yes, I'm married. [He looks at
+DAVID and ALICK to see if they are smiling; and they are.] It wasn't a
+case of being catched; it was entirely of my own free will. [He looks
+again; and the mean fellows are smiling still.] Is your ladyship
+married?
+
+SYBIL. Alas! no.
+
+DAVID. James! [Politely.] You will be yet, my lady.
+
+[SYBIL indicates that he is kind indeed.]
+
+JOHN. Perhaps they would like you to show them their rooms, Maggie?
+
+DAVID. Fine would we like to see all the house as well as the sleeping
+accommodation. But first--[He gives his father the look with which
+chairmen call on the next speaker.]
+
+ALICK. I take you, David. [He produces a paper parcel from a roomy
+pocket.] It wasn't likely, Mr. Shand, that we should forget the day.
+
+JOHN. The day?
+
+DAVID. The second anniversary of your marriage. We came purposely for
+the day.
+
+JAMES [his fingers itching to take the parcel from his father]. It's a
+lace shawl, Maggie, from the three of us, a pure Tobermory; you would
+never dare wear it if you knew the cost.
+
+[The shawl in its beauty is revealed, and MAGGIE hails it with little
+cries of joy. She rushes at the donors and kisses each of them just as
+if she were a pretty woman. They are much pleased and give expression to
+their pleasure in a not very dissimilar manner.]
+
+ALICK. Havers.
+
+DAVID. Havers.
+
+JAMES. Havers.
+
+JOHN. It's a very fine shawl.
+
+[He should not have spoken, for he has set JAMES'S volatile mind
+working.]
+
+JAMES. You may say so. What did you give her, Mr. Shand?
+
+JOHN [suddenly deserted by God and man]. Me?
+
+ALICK. Yes, yes, let's see it.
+
+JOHN. Oh--I--
+
+[He is not deserted by MAGGIE, but she can think of no way out.]
+
+SYBIL [prompted by the impediment, which is in hiding, quite close]. Did
+he ... forget?
+
+[There is more than a touch of malice in the question. It is a
+challenge, and the Wylies as a family are almost too quick to accept a
+challenge.]
+
+MAGGIE [lifting the gage of battle]. John forget? Never! It's a pendant,
+father.
+
+[The impediment bolts. JOHN rises.]
+
+ALICK. A pendant? One of those things on a chain?
+
+[He grins, remembering how once, about sixty years ago, he and a lady
+and a pendant--but we have no time for this.]
+
+MAGGIE. Yes.
+
+DAVID [who has felt the note of antagonism and is troubled]. You were
+slow in speaking of it, Mr. Shand.
+
+MAGGIE [This is her fight.] He was shy, because he thought you might
+blame him for extravagance.
+
+DAVID [relieved]. Oh, that's it.
+
+JAMES [licking his lips]. Let's see it.
+
+MAGGIE [a daughter of the devil]. Where did you put it, John?
+
+[JOHN's mouth opens but has nothing to contribute.]
+
+SYBIL [the impediment has stolen back again]. Perhaps it has been ...
+mislaid.
+
+[The BROTHERS echo the word incredulously.]
+
+MAGGIE. Not it. I can't think where we laid it down, John. It's not on
+that table, is it, James? [The Wylies turn to look, and MAGGIE's hand
+goes out to LADY SYBIL: JOHN SHAND, witness. It is a very determined
+hand, and presently a pendant is placed in it.] Here it is! [ALICK and
+the BROTHERS cluster round it, weigh it and appraise it.]
+
+ALICK. Preserve me. Is that stone real, Mr. Shand?
+
+JOHN [who has begun to look his grimmest]. Yes.
+
+MAGGIE [who is now ready, if he wishes it, to take him on too]. John
+says it's a drop of his blood.
+
+JOHN [wishing it]. And so it is.
+
+DAVID. Well said, Mr. Shand.
+
+MAGGIE [scared]. And now, if you'll come with me, I think John has
+something he wants to talk over with Lady Sybil. [Recovering and taking
+him on.] Or would you prefer, John, to say it before us all?
+
+SYBIL [gasping]. No!
+
+JOHN [flinging back his head]. Yes, I prefer to say it before you all.
+
+MAGGIE [flinging back hers]. Then sit down again.
+
+[The WYLIES wonderingly obey.]
+
+SYBIL. Mr. Shand, Mr. Shand!--
+
+JOHN. Maggie knows, and it was only for her I was troubled. Do you think
+I'm afraid of them? [With mighty relief] Now we can be open.
+
+DAVID [lowering]. What is it? What's wrong, John Shand?
+
+JOHN [facing him squarely]. It was to Lady Sybil I gave the pendant,
+and all my love with it. [Perhaps JAMES utters a cry, but the silence of
+ALICK and DAVID is more terrible.]
+
+SYBIL [whose voice is smaller than we had thought]. What are you to do?
+
+[It is to MAGGIE she is speaking.]
+
+DAVID. She'll leave it for us to do.
+
+JOHN. That's what I want.
+
+[The lords of creation look at the ladies.]
+
+MAGGIE [interpreting]. You and I are expected to retire, Lady Sybil,
+while the men decide our fate. [SYBIL is ready to obey the law, but
+MAGGIE remains seated.] Man's the oak, woman's the ivy. Which of us is
+it that's to cling to you, John?
+
+[With three stalwarts glaring at him, JOHN rather grandly takes SYBIL'S
+hand. They are two against the world.]
+
+SYBIL [a heroine]. I hesitated, but I am afraid no longer; whatever he
+asks of me I will do.
+
+[Evidently the first thing he asks of her is to await him in the
+dining-room.]
+
+It will mean surrendering everything for him. I am glad it means all
+that. [She passes into the dining-room looking as pretty as a kiss.]
+
+MAGGIE. So that settles it.
+
+ALICK. I'm thinking that doesn't settle it.
+
+DAVID. No, by God! [But his love for MAGGIE steadies him. There is even
+a note of entreaty in his voice.] Have you nothing to say to her, man?
+
+JOHN. I have things to say to her, but not before you.
+
+DAVID [sternly]. Go away, Maggie. Leave him to us.
+
+JAMES [who thinks it is about time that he said something]. Yes, leave
+him to us.
+
+MAGGIE. No, David, I want to hear what is to become of me; I promise not
+to take any side.
+
+[And sitting by the fire she resumes her knitting. The four regard her
+as on an evening at The Pans a good many years ago.]
+
+DAVID [barking]. How long has this been going on?
+
+JOHN. If you mean how long has that lady been the apple of my eye, I'm
+not sure; but I never told her of it until today.
+
+MAGGIE [thoughtfully and without dropping a stitch]. I think it wasn't
+till about six months ago, John, that she began to be very dear to you.
+At first you liked to bring in her name when talking to me, so that I
+could tell you of any little things I might have heard she was doing.
+But afterwards, as she became more and more to you, you avoided
+mentioning her name.
+
+JOHN [surprised]. Did you notice that?
+
+MAGGIE [in her old-fashioned way]. Yes.
+
+JOHN. I tried to be done with it for your sake. I've often had a sore
+heart for you, Maggie.
+
+JAMES. You're proving it!
+
+MAGGIE. Yes, James, he had. I've often seen him looking at me very
+sorrowfully of late because of what was in his mind; and many a kindly
+little thing he has done for me that he didn't use to do.
+
+JOHN. You noticed that too!
+
+MAGGIE. Yes.
+
+DAVID [controlling himself]. Well, we won't go into that; the thing to
+be thankful for is that it's ended.
+
+ALICK [who is looking very old]. Yes, yes, that's the great thing.
+
+JOHN. All useless, sir, it's not ended; it's to go on.
+
+DAVID. There's a devil in you, John Shand.
+
+JOHN [who is an unhappy man just now]. I dare say there is. But do you
+think he had a walk over, Mr. David?
+
+JAMES. Man, I could knock you down!
+
+MAGGIE. There's not one of you could knock John down.
+
+DAVID [exasperated]. Quiet, Maggie. One would think you were taking his
+part.
+
+MAGGIE. Do you expect me to desert him at the very moment that he needs
+me most?
+
+DAVID. It's him that's deserting you.
+
+JOHN. Yes, Maggie, that's what it is.
+
+ALICK. Where's your marriage vow? And your church attendances?
+
+JAMES [with terrible irony]. And your prize for moral philosophy?
+
+JOHN [recklessly]. All gone whistling down the wind.
+
+DAVID. I suppose you understand that you'll have to resign your seat.
+
+JOHN [his underlip much in evidence]. There are hundreds of seats, but
+there's only one John Shand.
+
+MAGGIE [but we don't hear her]. That's how I like to hear him speak.
+
+DAVID [the ablest person in the room]. Think, man, I'm old by you, and
+for long I've had a pride in you. It will be beginning the world again
+with more against you than there was eight years ago.
+
+JOHN. I have a better head to begin it with than I had eight years ago.
+
+ALICK [hoping this will bite]. She'll have her own money, David!
+
+JOHN. She's as poor as a mouse.
+
+JAMES [thinking possibly of his Elizabeth's mother]. We'll go to her
+friends, and tell them all. They'll stop it.
+
+JOHN. She's of age.
+
+JAMES. They'll take her far away.
+
+JOHN. I'll follow, and tear her from them.
+
+ALICK. Your career---
+
+JOHN [to his credit]. To hell with my career. Do you think I don't
+know I'm on the rocks? What can you, or you, or you, understand of the
+passions of a man! I've fought, and I've given in. When a ship founders,
+as I suppose I'm foundering, it's not a thing to yelp at. Peace, all of
+you. [He strides into the dining-room, where we see him at times pacing
+the floor.]
+
+DAVID [to JAMES, who gives signs of a desire to take off his coat]. Let
+him be. We can't budge him. [With bitter wisdom] It's true what he says,
+true at any rate about me. What do I know of the passions of a man! I'm
+up against something I don't understand.
+
+ALICK. It's something wicked.
+
+DAVID. I dare say it is, but it's something big.
+
+JAMES. It's that damned charm.
+
+MAGGIE [still by the fire]. That's it. What was it that made you fancy
+Elizabeth, James?
+
+JAMES [sheepishly]. I can scarcely say.
+
+MAGGIE. It was her charm.
+
+DAVID. HER charm!
+
+JAMES [pugnaciously]. Yes, HER charm.
+
+MAGGIE. She had charm for James.
+
+[This somehow breaks them up. MAGGIE goes from one to another with an
+odd little smile flickering on her face.]
+
+DAVID. Put on your things, Maggie, and we'll leave his house.
+
+MAGGIE [patting his kind head]. Not me, David.
+
+[This is a MAGGIE they have known but forgotten; all three brighten.]
+
+DAVID. You haven't given in!
+
+[The smile flickers and expires.]
+
+MAGGIE. I want you all to go upstairs, and let me have my try now.
+
+JAMES. Your try?
+
+ALICK. Maggie, you put new life into me.
+
+JAMES. And into me.
+
+[DAVID says nothing; the way he grips her shoulder says it for him.]
+
+MAGGIE. I'll save him, David, if I can.
+
+DAVID. Does he deserve to be saved after the way he has treated you?
+
+MAGGIE. You stupid David. What has that to do with it.
+
+[When they have gone, JOHN comes to the door of the dining-room. There
+is welling up in him a great pity for MAGGIE, but it has to subside a
+little when he sees that the knitting is still in her hand. No man likes
+to be so soon supplanted. SYBIL follows, and the two of them gaze at the
+active needles.]
+
+MAGGIE [perceiving that she has visitors]. Come in, John. Sit down, Lady
+Sybil, and make yourself comfortable. I'm afraid we've put you about.
+
+[She is, after all, only a few years older than they and scarcely looks
+her age; yet it must have been in some such way as this that the little
+old woman who lived in a shoe addressed her numerous progeny.]
+
+JOHN. I'm mortal sorry, Maggie.
+
+SYBIL [who would be more courageous if she could hold his hand]. And I
+also.
+
+MAGGIE [soothingly]. I'm sure you are. But as it can't be helped I see
+no reason why we three shouldn't talk the matter over in a practical
+way.
+
+[SYBIL looks doubtful, but JOHN hangs on desperately to the word
+practical.]
+
+JOHN. If you could understand, Maggie, what an inspiration she is to me
+and my work.
+
+SYBIL. Indeed, Mrs. Shand, I think of nothing else.
+
+MAGGIE. That's fine. That's as it should be.
+
+SYBIL [talking too much]. Mrs. Shand, I think you are very kind to take
+it so reasonably.
+
+MAGGIE. That's the Scotch way. When were you thinking of leaving me,
+John?
+
+[Perhaps this is the Scotch way also; but SYBIL is English, and from the
+manner in which she starts you would say that something has fallen on
+her toes.]
+
+JOHN [who has heard nothing fall]. I think, now that it has come to
+a breach, the sooner the better. [His tone becomes that of JAMES when
+asked after the health of his wife.] When it is convenient to you,
+Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE [making a rapid calculation]. It couldn't well be before
+Wednesday. That's the day the laundry comes home.
+
+[SYBIL has to draw in her toes again.]
+
+JOHN. And it's the day the House rises. [Stifling a groan] It may be my
+last appearance in the House.
+
+SYBIL [her arms yearning for him]. No, no, please don't say that.
+
+MAGGIE [surveying him sympathetically]. You love the House, don't you,
+John, next to her? It's a pity you can't wait till after your speech at
+Leeds. Mr. Venables won't let you speak at Leeds, I fear, if you leave
+me.
+
+JOHN. What a chance it would have been. But let it go.
+
+MAGGIE. The meeting is in less than a month. Could you not make it such
+a speech that they would be very loth to lose you?
+
+JOHN [swelling]. That's what was in my mind.
+
+SYBIL [with noble confidence]. And he could have done it.
+
+MAGGIE. Then we've come to something practical.
+
+JOHN [exercising his imagination with powerful effect]. No, it wouldn't
+be fair to you if I was to stay on now.
+
+MAGGIE. Do you think I'll let myself be considered when your career is
+at stake. A month will soon pass for me; I'll have a lot of packing to
+do.
+
+JOHN. It's noble of you, but I don't deserve it, and I can't take it
+from you.
+
+MAGGIE. Now's the time, Lady Sybil, for you to have one of your
+inspiring ideas.
+
+SYBIL [ever ready]. Yes, yes--but what?
+
+[It is odd that they should both turn to MAGGIE at this moment.]
+
+MAGGIE [who has already been saying it to herself]. What do you think of
+this: I can stay on here with my father and brothers; and you, John, can
+go away somewhere and devote yourself to your speech?
+
+SYBIL. Yes.
+
+JOHN. That might be. [Considerately] Away from both of you. Where could
+I go?
+
+SYBIL [ever ready]. Where?
+
+MAGGIE. I know.
+
+[She has called up a number on the telephone before they have time to
+check her.]
+
+JOHN [on his dignity]. Don't be in such a hurry, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE. Is this Lamb's Hotel? Put me on to the Comtesse de la Briere,
+please.
+
+SYBIL [with a sinking]. What do you want with Auntie?
+
+MAGGIE. Her cottage in the country would be the very place. She invited
+John and me.
+
+JOHN. Yes, but--
+
+MAGGIE [arguing]. And Mr. Venables is to be there. Think of the
+impression you could make on HIM, seeing him daily for three weeks.
+
+JOHN. There's something in that.
+
+MAGGIE. Is it you, Comtesse? I'm Maggie Shand.
+
+SYBIL. You are not to tell her that--?
+
+MAGGIE. No. [To the COMTESSE] Oh, I'm very well, never was better. Yes,
+yes; you see I can't, because my folk have never been in London before,
+and I must take them about and show them the sights. But John could come
+to you alone; why not?
+
+JOHN [with proper pride]. If she's not keen to have me, I won't go.
+
+MAGGIE. She's very keen. Comtesse, I could come for a day by and by
+to see how you are getting on. Yes--yes--certainly. [To JOHN] She says
+she'll be delighted.
+
+JOHN [thoughtfully]. You're not doing this, Maggie, thinking that my
+being absent from Sybil for a few weeks can make any difference? Of
+course it's natural you should want us to keep apart, but--
+
+MAGGIE [grimly]. I'm founding no hope on keeping you apart, John.
+
+JOHN. It's what other wives would do.
+
+MAGGIE. I promised to be different.
+
+JOHN [his position as a strong man assured]. Then tell her I accept. [He
+wanders back into the dining-room.]
+
+SYBIL. I think--[she is not sure what she thinks]--I think you are very
+wonderful.
+
+MAGGIE. Was that John calling to you?
+
+SYBIL. Was it? [She is glad to join him in the dining-room.]
+
+MAGGIE. Comtesse, hold the line a minute. [She is alone, and she has
+nearly reached the end of her self-control. She shakes emotionally and
+utters painful little cries; there is something she wants to do, and she
+is loth to do it. But she does it.] Are you there, Comtesse? There's one
+other thing, dear Comtesse; I want you to invite Lady Sybil also; yes,
+for the whole time that John is there. No, I'm not mad; as a great
+favour to me; yes, I have a very particular reason, but I won't tell you
+what it is; oh, call me Scotchy as much as you like, but consent; do,
+do, do. Thank you, thank you, good-bye.
+
+[She has control of herself now, and is determined not to let it
+slip from her again. When they reappear the stubborn one is writing a
+letter.]
+
+JOHN. I thought I heard the telephone again.
+
+MAGGIE [looking up from her labours]. It was the Comtesse; she says
+she's to invite Lady Sybil to the cottage at the same time.
+
+SYBIL. Me!
+
+JOHN. To invite Sybil? Then of course I won't go, Maggie.
+
+MAGGIE [wondering seemingly at these niceties]. What does it matter? Is
+anything to be considered except the speech? [It has been admitted that
+she was a little devil.] And, with Sybil on the spot, John, to help you
+and inspire you, what a speech it will be!
+
+JOHN [carried away]. Maggie, you really are a very generous woman.
+
+SYBIL [convinced at last]. She is indeed.
+
+JOHN. And you're queer too. How many women in the circumstances would
+sit down to write a letter?
+
+MAGGIE. It's a letter to you, John.
+
+JOHN. To me?
+
+MAGGIE. I'll give it to you when it's finished, but I ask you not to
+open it till your visit to the Comtesse ends.
+
+JOHN. What is it about?
+
+MAGGIE. It's practical.
+
+SYBIL [rather faintly]. Practical? [She has heard the word so frequently
+to-day that it is beginning to have a Scotch sound. She feels she ought
+to like MAGGIE, but that she would like her better if they were farther
+apart. She indicates that the doctors are troubled about her heart, and
+murmuring her adieux she goes. JOHN, who is accompanying her, pauses at
+the door.]
+
+JOHN [with a queer sort of admiration for his wife]. Maggie, I wish I
+was fond of you.
+
+MAGGIE [heartily]. I wish you were, John.
+
+[He goes, and she resumes her letter. The stocking is lying at hand, and
+she pushes it to the floor. She is done for a time with knitting.]
+
+
+
+
+ACT IV
+
+[Man's most pleasant invention is the lawn-mower. All the birds know
+this, and that is why, when it is at rest, there is always at least one
+of them sitting on the handle with his head cocked, wondering how the
+delicious whirring sound is made. When they find out, they will change
+their note. As it is, you must sometimes have thought that you heard the
+mower very early in the morning, and perhaps you peeped in neglige from
+your lattice window to see who was up so early. It was really the birds
+trying to get the note.
+
+On this broiling morning, however, we are at noon, and whoever looks
+will see that the whirring is done by Mr. Venables. He is in a linen
+suit with the coat discarded (the bird is sitting on it), and he comes
+and goes across the Comtesse's lawns, pleasantly mopping his face. We
+see him through a crooked bowed window generously open, roses intruding
+into it as if to prevent its ever being closed at night; there are other
+roses in such armfuls on the tables that one could not easily say where
+the room ends and the garden begins.
+
+In the Comtesse's pretty comic drawing-room (for she likes the comic
+touch when she is in England) sits John Shand with his hostess, on
+chairs at a great distance from each other. No linen garments for John,
+nor flannels, nor even knickerbockers; he envies the English way of
+dressing for trees and lawns, but is too Scotch to be able to imitate
+it; he wears tweeds, just as he would do in his native country where
+they would be in kilts. Like many another Scot, the first time he ever
+saw a kilt was on a Sassenach; indeed kilts were perhaps invented, like
+golf, to draw the English north. John is doing nothing, which again is
+not a Scotch accomplishment, and he looks rather miserable and dour. The
+Comtesse is already at her Patience cards, and occasionally she smiles
+on him as if not displeased with his long silence. At last she speaks:]
+
+COMTESSE. I feel it rather a shame to detain you here on such a lovely
+day, Mr. Shand, entertaining an old woman.
+
+JOHN. I don't pretend to think I'm entertaining you, Comtesse.
+
+COMTESSE. But you ARE, you know.
+
+JOHN. I would be pleased to be told how?
+
+[She shrugs her impertinent shoulders, and presently there is another
+heavy sigh from JOHN.]
+
+COMTESSE. Again! Why do not you go out on the river?
+
+JOHN. Yes, I can do that. [He rises.]
+
+COMTESSE. And take Sybil with you. [He sits again.] No?
+
+JOHN. I have been on the river with her twenty times.
+
+COMTESSE. Then take her for a long walk through the Fairloe woods.
+
+JOHN. We were there twice last week.
+
+COMTESSE. There is a romantically damp little arbour at the end of what
+the villagers call the Lovers' Lane.
+
+JOHN. One can't go there every day. I see nothing to laugh at.
+
+COMTESSE. Did I laugh? I must have been translating the situation into
+French.
+
+[Perhaps the music of the lawn-mower is not to JOHN's mood, for he
+betakes himself to another room. MR. VENABLES pauses in his labours to
+greet a lady who has appeared on the lawn, and who is MAGGIE. She is as
+neat as if she were one of the army of typists [who are quite the nicest
+kind of women], and carries a little bag. She comes in through the
+window, and puts her hands over the COMTESSE's eyes.]
+
+COMTESSE. They are a strong pair of hands, at any rate.
+
+MAGGIE. And not very white, and biggish for my size. Now guess.
+
+[The COMTESSE guesses, and takes both the hands in hers as if she valued
+them. She pulls off MAGGIE's hat as if to prevent her flying away.]
+
+COMTESSE. Dear abominable one, not to let me know you were coming.
+
+MAGGIE. It is just a surprise visit, Comtesse. I walked up from
+the station. [For a moment MAGGIE seems to have borrowed SYBIL'S
+impediment.] How is--everybody?
+
+COMTESSE. He is quite well. But, my child, he seems to me to be a most
+unhappy man.
+
+[This sad news does not seem to make a most unhappy woman of the child.
+The COMTESSE is puzzled, as she knows nothing of the situation save what
+she has discovered for herself.]
+
+Why should that please you, O heartless one?
+
+MAGGIE. I won't tell you.
+
+COMTESSE. I could take you and shake you, Maggie. Here have I put my
+house at your disposal for so many days for some sly Scotch purpose, and
+you will not tell me what it is.
+
+MAGGIE. No.
+
+COMTESSE. Very well, then, but I have what you call a nasty one for you.
+[The COMTESSE lures MR. VENABLES into the room by holding up what might
+be a foaming glass of lemon squash.] Alas, Charles, it is but a flower
+vase. I want you to tell Mrs. Shand what you think of her husband's
+speech.
+
+[MR. VENABLES gives his hostess a reproachful look.]
+
+VENABLES. Eh--ah--Shand will prefer to do that himself. I promised the
+gardener--I must not disappoint him--excuse me--
+
+COMTESSE. You must tell her, Charles.
+
+MAGGIE. Please, Mr. Venables, I should like to know.
+
+[He sits down with a sigh and obeys.]
+
+VENABLES. Your husband has been writing the speech here, and by his own
+wish he read it to me three days ago. The occasion is to be an important
+one; and, well, there are a dozen young men in the party at present, all
+capable of filling a certain small ministerial post. [He looks longingly
+at the mower, but it sends no message to his aid.] And as he is one
+of them I was anxious that he should show in this speech of what he is
+capable.
+
+MAGGIE. And hasn't he?
+
+[Not for the first time MR. VENABLES wishes that he was not in
+politics.]
+
+VENABLES. I am afraid he has.
+
+COMTESSE. What is wrong with the speech, Charles?
+
+VENABLES. Nothing--and he can still deliver it. It is a powerful,
+well-thought-out piece of work, such as only a very able man could
+produce. But it has no SPECIAL QUALITY of its own--none of the little
+touches that used to make an old stager like myself want to pat Shand
+on the shoulder. [The COMTESSE's mouth twitches, but MAGGIE declines to
+notice it.] He pounds on manfully enough, but, if I may say so, with a
+wooden leg. It is as good, I dare say, as the rest of them could have
+done; but they start with such inherited advantages, Mrs. Shand, that he
+had to do better.
+
+MAGGIE. Yes, I can understand that.
+
+VENABLES. I am sorry, Mrs. Shand, for he interested me. His career has
+set me wondering whether if _I_ had begun as a railway porter I might
+not still be calling out, 'By your leave.'
+
+[MAGGIE thinks it probable but not important]
+
+MAGGIE. Mr. Venables, now that I think of it, surely John wrote to
+me that you were dissatisfied with his first speech, and that he was
+writing another.
+
+[The COMTESSE's eyes open very wide indeed.]
+
+VENABLES. I have heard nothing of that, Mrs. Shand. [He shakes his wise
+head.] And in any case, I am afraid--[He still hears the wooden leg.]
+
+MAGGIE. But you said yourself that his second thoughts were sometimes
+such an improvement on the first.
+
+[The COMTESSE comes to the help of the baggage.]
+
+COMTESSE. I remember you saying that, Charles.
+
+VENABLES. Yes, that has struck me. [Politely] Well, if he has anything
+to show me--In the meantime--
+
+[He regains the lawn, like one glad to escape attendance at JOHN'S
+obsequies. The COMTESSE is brought back to speech by the sound of the
+mower--nothing wooden in it.]
+
+COMTESSE. What are you up to now, Miss Pin? You know as well as I do
+that there is no such speech.
+
+[MAGGIE's mouth tightens.]
+
+MAGGIE. I do not.
+
+COMTESSE. It is a duel, is it, my friend?
+
+[The COMTESSE rings the bell and MAGGIE's guilty mind is agitated.]
+
+MAGGIE. What are you ringing for?
+
+COMTESSE. As the challenged one, Miss Pin, I have the choice of weapons.
+I am going to send for your husband to ask him if he has written such a
+speech. After which, I suppose, you will ask me to leave you while you
+and he write it together.
+
+[MAGGIE wrings her hands.]
+
+MAGGIE. You are wrong, Comtesse; but please don't do that.
+
+COMTESSE. You but make me more curious, and my doctor says that I
+must be told everything. [The COMTESSE assumes the pose of her sex
+in melodrama.] Put your cards on the table, Maggie Shand, or--[She
+indicates that she always pinks her man. MAGGIE dolefully produces a
+roll of paper from her bag.] What precisely is that?
+
+[The reply is little more than a squeak.]
+
+MAGGIE. John's speech.
+
+COMTESSE. You have written it yourself!
+
+[MAGGIE is naturally indignant.]
+
+MAGGIE. It's typed.
+
+COMTESSE. You guessed that the speech he wrote unaided would not
+satisfy, and you prepared this to take its place!
+
+MAGGIE. Not at all, Comtesse. It is the draft of his speech that he left
+at home. That's all.
+
+COMTESSE. With a few trivial alterations by yourself, I swear. Can you
+deny it?
+
+[No wonder that MAGGIE is outraged. She replaces JOHN's speech in the
+bag with becoming hauteur.]
+
+MAGGIE. Comtesse, these insinuations are unworthy of you. May I ask
+where is my husband?
+
+[The COMTESSE drops her a curtsey.]
+
+COMTESSE. I believe your Haughtiness may find him in the Dutch garden.
+Oh, I see through you. You are not to show him your speech. But you are
+to get him to write another one, and somehow all your additions will be
+in it. Think not, creature, that you can deceive one so old in iniquity
+as the Comtesse de la Briere.
+
+[There can be but one reply from a good wife to such a charge, and at
+once the COMTESSE is left alone with her shame. Anon a footman appears.
+You know how they come and go.]
+
+FOOTMAN. You rang, my lady?
+
+COMTESSE. Did I? Ah, yes, but why? [He is but lately from the
+ploughshare and cannot help her. In this quandary her eyes alight upon
+the bag. She is unfortunately too abandoned to feel her shame; she still
+thinks that she has the choice of weapons. She takes the speech from the
+bag and bestows it on her servitor.] Take this to Mr. Venables, please,
+and say it is from Mr. Shand. [THOMAS--but in the end we shall probably
+call him JOHN--departs with the dangerous papers; and when MAGGIE
+returns she finds that the COMTESSE is once more engaged in her
+interrupted game of Patience.] You did not find him?
+
+[All the bravery has dropped from MAGGIE's face.]
+
+MAGGIE. I didn't see him, but I heard him. SHE is with him. I think they
+are coming here.
+
+[The COMTESSE is suddenly kind again.]
+
+COMTESSE. Sybil? Shall I get rid of her?
+
+MAGGIE. No, I want her to be here, too. Now I shall know.
+
+[The COMTESSE twists the little thing round.]
+
+COMTESSE. Know what?
+
+MAGGIE. As soon as I look into his face I shall know.
+
+[A delicious scent ushers in the fair SYBIL, who is as sweet as a
+milking stool. She greets MRS. SHAND with some alarm.]
+
+MAGGIE. How do you do, Lady Sybil? How pretty you look in that frock.
+[SYBIL rustles uncomfortably.] You are a feast to the eye.
+
+SYBIL. Please, I wish you would not.
+
+[Shall we describe SYBIL'S frock, in which she looks like a great
+strawberry that knows it ought to be plucked; or would it be easier to
+watch the coming of JOHN? Let us watch JOHN.]
+
+JOHN. You, Maggie! You never wrote that you were coming.
+
+[No, let us watch MAGGIE. As soon as she looked into his face she was to
+know something of importance.]
+
+MAGGIE [not dissatisfied with what she sees]. No, John, it's a surprise
+visit. I just ran down to say good-bye.
+
+[At this his face falls, which does not seem to pain her.]
+
+SYBIL [foreseeing another horrible Scotch scene]. To say good-bye?
+
+COMTESSE [thrilling with expectation]. To whom, Maggie?
+
+SYBIL [deserted by the impediment, which is probably playing with rough
+boys in the Lovers' Lane]. Auntie, do leave us, won't you?
+
+COMTESSE. Not I. It is becoming far too interesting.
+
+MAGGIE. I suppose there's no reason the Comtesse shouldn't be told, as
+she will know so soon at any rate?
+
+JOHN. That's so. [SYBIL sees with discomfort that he is to be practical
+also.]
+
+MAGGIE. It's so simple. You see, Comtesse, John and Lady Sybil have
+fallen in love with one another, and they are to go off as soon as the
+meeting at Leeds has taken place.
+
+[The COMTESSE's breast is too suddenly introduced to Caledonia and its
+varied charms.]
+
+COMTESSE. Mon Dieu!
+
+MAGGIE. I think that's putting it correctly, John.
+
+JOHN. In a sense. But I'm not to attend the meeting at Leeds. My speech
+doesn't find favour. [With a strange humility] There's something wrong
+with it.
+
+COMTESSE. I never expected to hear you say that, Mr. Shand.
+
+JOHN [wondering also]. I never expected it myself. I meant to make it
+the speech of my career. But somehow my hand seems to have lost its
+cunning.
+
+COMTESSE. And you don't know how?
+
+JOHN. It's inexplicable. My brain was never clearer.
+
+COMTESSE. You might have helped him, Sybil.
+
+SYBIL [quite sulkily]. I did.
+
+COMTESSE. But I thought she was such an inspiration to you, Mr. Shand.
+
+JOHN [going bravely to SYBIL'S side]. She slaved at it with me.
+
+COMTESSE. Strange. [Wickedly becoming practical also] So now there is
+nothing to detain you. Shall I send for a fly, Sybil?
+
+SYBIL [with a cry of the heart]. Auntie, do leave us.
+
+COMTESSE. I can understand your impatience to be gone, Mr. Shand.
+
+JOHN [heavily]. I promised Maggie to wait till the 24th, and I'm a man
+of my word.
+
+MAGGIE. But I give you back your word, John. You can go now.
+
+[JOHN looks at SYBIL, and SYBIL looks at JOHN, and the impediment
+arrives in time to take a peep at both of them.]
+
+SYBIL [groping for the practical, to which we must all come in the end].
+He must make satisfactory arrangements about you first. I insist on
+that.
+
+MAGGIE [with no more imagination than a hen]. Thank you, Lady Sybil, but
+I have made all my arrangements.
+
+JOHN [stung]. Maggie, that was my part.
+
+MAGGIE. You see, my brothers feel they can't be away from their business
+any longer; and so, if it would be convenient to you, John, I could
+travel north with them by the night train on Wednesday.
+
+SYBIL. I--I----The way you put things---!
+
+JOHN. This is just the 21st.
+
+MAGGIE. My things are all packed. I think you'll find the house in good
+order, Lady Sybil. I have had the vacuum cleaners in. I'll give you the
+keys of the linen and the silver plate; I have them in that bag. The
+carpet on the upper landing is a good deal frayed, but---
+
+SYBIL. Please, I don't want to hear any more.
+
+MAGGIE. The ceiling of the dining-room would be the better of a new lick
+of paint---
+
+SYBIL [stamping her foot, small fours]. Can't you stop her?
+
+JOHN [soothingly]. She's meaning well. Maggie, I know it's natural to
+you to value those things, because your outlook on life is bounded by
+them; but all this jars on me.
+
+MAGGIE. Does it?
+
+JOHN. Why should you be so ready to go?
+
+MAGGIE. I promised not to stand in your way.
+
+JOHN [stoutly]. You needn't be in such a hurry. There are three days
+to run yet. [The French are so different from us that we shall probably
+never be able to understand why the COMTESSE laughed aloud here.] It's
+just a joke to the Comtesse.
+
+COMTESSE. It seems to be no joke to you, Mr. Shand. Sybil, my pet, are
+you to let him off?
+
+SYBIL [flashing]. Let him off? If he wishes it. Do you?
+
+JOHN [manfully]. I want it to go on. [Something seems to have caught in
+his throat: perhaps it is the impediment trying a temporary home.] It's
+the one wish of my heart. If you come with me, Sybil, I'll do all in a
+man's power to make you never regret it.
+
+[Triumph of the Vere de Veres.]
+
+MAGGIE [bringing them back to earth with a dump]. And I can make my
+arrangements for Wednesday?
+
+SYBIL [seeking the COMTESSE's protection]. No, you can't. Auntie, I am
+not going on with this. I'm very sorry for you, John, but I see now--I
+couldn't face it---
+
+[She can't face anything at this moment except the sofa pillows.]
+
+COMTESSE [noticing JOHN'S big sigh of relief]. So THAT is all right, Mr.
+Shand!
+
+MAGGIE. Don't you love her any more, John? Be practical.
+
+SYBIL [to the pillows]. At any rate I have tired of him. Oh, best to
+tell the horrid truth. I am ashamed of myself. I have been crying my
+eyes out over it--I thought I was such a different kind of woman. But I
+am weary of him. I think him--oh, so dull.
+
+JOHN [his face lighting up]. Are you sure that is how you have come to
+think of me?
+
+SYBIL. I'm sorry; [with all her soul] but yes--yes--yes.
+
+JOHN. By God, it's more than I deserve.
+
+COMTESSE. Congratulations to you both.
+
+[SYBIL runs away; and in the fulness of time she married successfully in
+cloth of silver, which was afterwards turned into a bed-spread.]
+
+MAGGIE. You haven't read my letter yet, John, have you?
+
+JOHN. No.
+
+COMTESSE [imploringly]. May I know to what darling letter you refer?
+
+MAGGIE. It's a letter I wrote to him before he left London. I gave it to
+him closed, not to be opened until his time here was ended.
+
+JOHN [as his hand strays to his pocket]. Am I to read it now?
+
+MAGGIE. Not before her. Please go away, Comtesse.
+
+COMTESSE. Every word you say makes me more determined to remain.
+
+MAGGIE. It will hurt you, John. [Distressed] Don't read it; tear it up.
+
+JOHN. You make me very curious, Maggie. And yet I don't see what can be
+in it.
+
+COMTESSE. But you feel a little nervous? Give ME the dagger.
+
+MAGGIE [quickly]. No. [But the COMTESSE has already got it.]
+
+COMTESSE. May I? [She must have thought they said Yes, for she opens the
+letter. She shares its contents with them.] 'Dearest John, It is at my
+request that the Comtesse is having Lady Sybil at the cottage at the
+same time as yourself.'
+
+JOHN. What?
+
+COMTESSE. Yes, she begged me to invite you together.
+
+JOHN. But why?
+
+MAGGIE. I promised you not to behave as other wives would do.
+
+JOHN. It's not understandable.
+
+COMTESSE. 'You may ask why I do this, John, and my reason is, I think
+that after a few weeks of Lady Sybil, every day, and all day, you will
+become sick to death of her. I am also giving her the chance to help you
+and inspire you with your work, so that you may both learn what her
+help and her inspiration amount to. Of course, if your love is the great
+strong passion you think it, then those weeks will make you love her
+more than ever and I can only say good-bye. But if, as I suspect, you
+don't even now know what true love is, then by the next time we meet,
+dear John, you will have had enough of her.--Your affectionate wife,
+Maggie.' Oh, why was not Sybil present at the reading of the will! And
+now, if you two will kindly excuse me, I think I must go and get that
+poor sufferer the eau de Cologne.
+
+JOHN. It's almost enough to make a man lose faith in himself.
+
+COMTESSE. Oh, don't say that, Mr. Shand.
+
+MAGGIE [defending him]. You mustn't hurt him. If you haven't loved deep
+and true, that's just because you have never met a woman yet, John,
+capable of inspiring it.
+
+COMTESSE [putting her hand on MAGGIE's shoulder]. Have you not, Mr.
+Shand?
+
+JOHN. I see what you mean. But Maggie wouldn't think better of me for
+any false pretences. She knows my feelings for her now are neither more
+nor less than what they have always been.
+
+MAGGIE [who sees that he is looking at her as solemnly as a volume of
+sermons printed by request]. I think no one could be fond of me that
+can't laugh a little at me.
+
+JOHN. How could that help?
+
+COMTESSE [exasperated]. Mr. Shand, I give you up.
+
+MAGGIE. I admire his honesty.
+
+COMTESSE. Oh, I give you up also. Arcades ambo. Scotchies both.
+
+JOHN [when she has gone]. But this letter, it's not like you. By Gosh,
+Maggie, you're no fool.
+
+[She beams at this, as any wife would.]
+
+But how could I have made such a mistake? It's not like a strong man.
+[Evidently he has an inspiration.]
+
+MAGGIE. What is it?
+
+JOHN [the inspiration]. AM I a strong man?
+
+MAGGIE. You? Of course you are. And self-made. Has anybody ever helped
+you in the smallest way?
+
+JOHN [thinking it out again]. No, nobody.
+
+MAGGIE. Not even Lady Sybil?
+
+JOHN. I'm beginning to doubt it. It's very curious, though, Maggie, that
+this speech should be disappointing.
+
+MAGGIE. It's just that Mr. Venables hasn't the brains to see how good it
+is.
+
+JOHN. That must be it. [But he is too good a man to rest satisfied with
+this.] No, Maggie, it's not. Somehow I seem to have lost my neat way of
+saying things.
+
+MAGGIE [almost cooing]. It will come back to you.
+
+JOHN [forlorn]. If you knew how I've tried.
+
+MAGGIE [cautiously]. Maybe if you were to try again; and I'll just come
+and sit beside you, and knit. I think the click of the needles sometimes
+put you in the mood.
+
+JOHN. Hardly that; and yet many a Shandism have I knocked off while you
+were sitting beside me knitting. I suppose it was the quietness.
+
+MAGGIE. Very likely.
+
+JOHN [with another inspiration]. Maggie!
+
+MAGGIE [again]. What is it, John?
+
+JOHN. What if it was you that put those queer ideas into my head!
+
+MAGGIE. Me?
+
+JOHN. Without your knowing it, I mean.
+
+MAGGIE. But how?
+
+JOHN. We used to talk bits over; and it may be that you dropped the
+seed, so to speak.
+
+MAGGIE. John, could it be this, that I sometimes had the idea in a rough
+womanish sort of way and then you polished it up till it came out a
+Shandism?
+
+JOHN [slowly slapping his knee]. I believe you've hit it, Maggie: to
+think that you may have been helping me all the time--and neither of us
+knew it!
+
+[He has so nearly reached a smile that no one can say what might have
+happened within the next moment if the COMTESSE had not reappeared.]
+
+COMTESSE. Mr. Venables wishes to see you, Mr. Shand.
+
+JOHN [lost, stolen, or strayed a smile in the making]. Hum!
+
+COMTESSE. He is coming now.
+
+JOHN [grumpy]. Indeed!
+
+COMTESSE [sweetly]. It is about your speech.
+
+JOHN. He has said all he need say on that subject, and more.
+
+COMTESSE [quaking a little]. I think it is about the second speech.
+
+JOHN. What second speech?
+
+[MAGGIE runs to her bag and opens it.]
+
+MAGGIE [horrified]. Comtesse, you have given it to him!
+
+COMTESSE [impudently]. Wasn't I meant to?
+
+JOHN. What is it? What second speech?
+
+MAGGIE. Cruel, cruel. [Willing to go on her knees] You had left
+the first draft of your speech at home, John, and I brought it here
+with--with a few little things I've added myself.
+
+JOHN [a seven-footer]. What's that?
+
+MAGGIE [four foot ten at most]. Just trifles--things I was to suggest to
+you--while I was knitting--and then, if you liked any of them you could
+have polished them--and turned them into something good. John, John--and
+now she has shown it to Mr. Venables.
+
+JOHN [thundering]. As my work, Comtesse?
+
+[But the COMTESSE is not of the women who are afraid of thunder.]
+
+MAGGIE. It is your work--nine-tenths of it.
+
+JOHN [in the black cap]. You presumed, Maggie Shand! Very well, then,
+here he comes, and now we'll see to what extent you've helped me.
+
+VENABLES. My dear fellow. My dear Shand, I congratulate you. Give me
+your hand.
+
+JOHN. The speech?
+
+VENABLES. You have improved it out of knowledge. It is the same speech,
+but those new touches make all the difference. [JOHN sits down heavily.]
+Mrs. Shand, be proud of him.
+
+MAGGIE. I am. I am, John.
+
+COMTESSE. You always said that his second thoughts were best, Charles.
+
+VENABLES [pleased to be reminded of it]. Didn't I, didn't I? Those
+delicious little touches! How good that is, Shand, about the flowing
+tide.
+
+COMTESSE. The flowing tide?
+
+VENABLES. In the first speech it was something like this--'Gentlemen,
+the Opposition are calling to you to vote for them and the flowing tide,
+but I solemnly warn you to beware lest the flowing tide does not engulf
+you.' The second way is much better.
+
+COMTESSE. What is the second way, Mr. Shand?
+
+[JOHN does not tell her.]
+
+VENABLES. This is how he puts it now. [JOHN cannot help raising his head
+to listen.] 'Gentlemen, the Opposition are calling to you to vote for
+them and the flowing tide, but I ask you cheerfully to vote for us and
+DAM the flowing tide.'
+
+[VENABLES and his old friend the COMTESSE laugh heartily, but for
+different reasons.]
+
+COMTESSE. It IS better, Mr. Shand.
+
+MAGGIE. _I_ don't think so.
+
+VENABLES. Yes, yes, it's so virile. Excuse me, Comtesse, I'm off to
+read the whole thing again. [For the first time he notices that JOHN is
+strangely quiet.] I think this has rather bowled you over, Shand.
+
+[JOHN's head sinks lower.]
+
+Well, well, good news doesn't kill.
+
+MAGGIE [counsel for the defence]. Surely the important thing about the
+speech is its strength and knowledge and eloquence, the things that were
+in the first speech as well as in the second.
+
+VENABLES. That of course is largely true. The wit would not be enough
+without them, just as they were not enough without the wit. It is the
+combination that is irresistible. [JOHN's head rises a little.] Shand,
+you are our man, remember that, it is emphatically the best thing you
+have ever done. How this will go down at Leeds!
+
+[He returns gaily to his hammock; but lower sinks JOHN'S head, and even
+the COMTESSE has the grace to take herself off. MAGGIE's arms flutter
+near her husband, not daring to alight.]
+
+MAGGIE. You heard what he said, John. It's the combination. Is it so
+terrible to you to find that my love for you had made me able to help
+you in the little things?
+
+JOHN. The little things! It seems strange to me to hear you call me by
+my name, Maggie. It's as if I looked on you for the first time.
+
+MAGGIE. Look at me, John, for the first time. What do you see?
+
+JOHN. I see a woman who has brought her husband low.
+
+MAGGIE. Only that?
+
+JOHN. I see the tragedy of a man who has found himself out. Eh, I can't
+live with you again, Maggie.
+
+[He shivers.]
+
+MAGGIE. Why did you shiver, John?
+
+JOHN. It was at myself for saying that I couldn't live with you again,
+when I should have been wondering how for so long you have lived with
+me. And I suppose you have forgiven me all the time. [She nods.] And
+forgive me still? [She nods again.] Dear God!
+
+MAGGIE. John, am I to go? or are you to keep me on? [She is now a little
+bundle near his feet.] I'm willing to stay because I'm useful to you, if
+it can't be for a better reason. [His hand feels for her, and the bundle
+wriggles nearer.] It's nothing unusual I've done, John. Every man who
+is high up loves to think that he has done it all himself; and the wife
+smiles, and lets it go at that. It's our only joke. Every woman knows
+that. [He stares at her in hopeless perplexity.] Oh, John, if only you
+could laugh at me.
+
+JOHN. I can't laugh, Maggie.
+
+[But as he continues to stare at her a strange disorder appears in his
+face. MAGGIE feels that it is to be now or never.]
+
+MAGGIE. Laugh, John, laugh. Watch me; see how easy it is.
+
+[A terrible struggle is taking place within him. He creaks. Something
+that may be mirth forces a passage, at first painfully, no more joy in
+it than in the discoloured water from a spring that has long been dry.
+Soon, however, he laughs loud and long. The spring water is becoming
+clear. MAGGIE claps her hands. He is saved.]
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's What Every Woman Knows, by James M. Barrie
+
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