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+<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN">
+<html>
+<head>
+<title>SEYMOUR'S SKETCHES, Part 4.</title>
+<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8">
+
+<style type="text/css">
+
+ body {background:#faebd7; margin:10%; text-align:justify}
+ P { text-indent: 1em;
+ margin-top: .75em;
+ margin-bottom: .75em; }
+ H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; }
+ HR { width: 33%; text-align: center; }
+ blockquote {font-size: 97% }
+ CENTER { padding: 10px;}
+
+</style>
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+</head>
+<body>
+
+<h1>SKETCHES BY SEYMOUR, Part 4.</h1>
+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Sketches of Seymour (Illustrated), Part
+4., by Robert Seymour
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Sketches of Seymour (Illustrated), Part 4.
+
+Author: Robert Seymour
+
+Release Date: July 12, 2004 [EBook #5648]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SKETCHES OF SEYMOUR ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+
+
+
+<center><h1>SKETCHES BY SEYMOUR</h1></center>
+<br><br>
+<center><h2>PART FOUR</h2></center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><img alt="Bookcover.jpg (202K)" src="images/Bookcover.jpg" height="804" width="653">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+
+<center><img alt="Spine angled.jpg (88K)" src="images/Spineangled.jpg" height="1229" width="648">
+</center><br><br><br><br>
+
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><a name="TitleVol2"></a><img alt="Title - Vol 2.jpg (90K)" src="images/TitleVol2.jpg" height="953" width="647">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+
+<center><a name="TitleShooting"></a><img alt="Title - Shooting.jpg (68K)" src="images/TitleShooting.jpg" height="1003" width="649">
+</center>
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+
+
+<blockquote><blockquote>
+EBOOK EDITOR'S INTRODUCTION:<br><br>
+
+"Sketches by Seymour" was published in various versions about 1836.
+The copy used for this PG edition has no date and was published by Thomas Fry, London.
+Some of the 90 plates note only Seymour's name, many are inscribed "Engravings by
+H. Wallis from sketches by Seymour." The printed book appears to be a compilation of five
+smaller volumes. From the confused chapter titles the reader may well suspect the printer
+mixed up the order of the chapters. The complete book in this
+digital edition is split into five smaller volumes&mdash;the individual volumes
+are of more manageable size than the 7mb complete version.<br><br>
+
+The importance of this collection is in the engravings.
+The text is often mundane, is full of conundrums and puns
+popular in the early 1800's&mdash;and is mercifully short. No author is
+given credit for the text though the section titled, "The Autobiography
+of Andrew Mullins" may give us at least his pen-name.<br><br>
+ DW<br>
+</blockquote></blockquote>
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+
+
+<h2>CONTENTS:</h2>
+
+<center>
+<table summary="">
+<tr><td>
+
+
+
+ FRONTPIECE II.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </td><td><a href="#TitleShooting">SHOOTING</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ TITLE PAGE II. </td><td><a href="#TitleVol2">VOLUME II.</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XIII. </td><td><a href="#Odd13WattyWilliams">[WATTY WILLIAMS AND BULL]</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XIV. </td><td><a href="#Odd14Delicacy">DELICACY!</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XV. </td><td><a href="#Odd15NowJem">Now, Jem, let's shew these gals how we can row</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XVI. </td><td><a href="#Odd16Steaming">STEAMING IT TO MARGATE.</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XVII. </td><td><a href="#Odd17Peter1">PETER SIMPLE'S FOREIGN ADVENTURE. No. I.</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XVIII. </td><td><a href="#Odd18Peter2">PETER SIMPLE'S FOREIGN ADVENTURE. No. II.</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XIX. </td><td><a href="#Odd19Dobbs">DOBBS'S "DUCK."&mdash;A LEGEND OF HORSELYDOWN.</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XX. </td><td><a href="#Odd20Strawberries">STRAWBERRIES AND CREAM.</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XXI. </td><td><a href="#Odd21Pleasure1">A DAY'S PLEASURE. No. I.&mdash;THE JOURNEY OUT.</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XXII. </td><td><a href="#Odd22Pleasure2">A DAY'S PLEASURE. No. II.&mdash;THE JOURNEY HOME.</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XXIII. </td><td><a href="#Odd23Hammering">[HAMMERING] Beside a meandering stream </a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XXIV. </td><td><a href="#Odd24Practice">PRACTICE.</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XXV. </td><td><a href="#Odd25Precept">PRECEPT.</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XXVI. </td><td><a href="#Odd26Example">EXAMPLE.</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XXVII. </td><td><a href="#Odd27Musical">A MUSICAL FESTIVAL.</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XXVIII. </td><td><a href="#Odd28EatingHouse">THE EATING HOUSE.</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XXIX. </td><td><a href="#Scene10bLonelySpot">[SCENE X.(b)] This is a werry lonely spot, Sir</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XXX. </td><td><a href="#Odd29Gone">GONE!</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XXXI. </td><td><a href="#Odd30Joker1">THE PRACTICAL JOKER. No. I.</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XXXII. </td><td><a href="#Odd31Joker2">THE PRACTICAL JOKER. No. II.</a></td></tr><tr><td>
+ PLATE XXXIII. </td><td><a href="#Odd32Whiting">FISHING FOR WHITING AT MARGATE.</a>
+
+
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+</center>
+
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+
+
+
+<center><h2>[WATTY WILLIAMS AND BULL]</h2></center>
+<br><br>
+
+<blockquote><blockquote>
+<p><i>"He sat, like patience on a monument, smiling at grief."</i>
+</blockquote></blockquote>
+<br><br>
+
+<center><a name="Odd13WattyWilliams"></a><img alt="Odd13 Watty Williams.jpg (68K)" src="images/Odd13WattyWilliams.jpg" height="1029" width="623">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>
+WATTY WILLIAMS was a studious youth, with a long nose and a short pair of
+trowsers; his delight was in the green fields, for he was one of those
+philosophers who can find sermons in stones, and good in everything. One
+day, while wandering in a meadow, lost in the perusal of Zimmerman on
+Solitude, he was suddenly aroused from his reverie by a loud "Moo!" and,
+turning about, he descried, to his dismay, a curly-fronted bull making
+towards him.
+
+<p>Now, Watt., was so good-humoured a fellow, that he could laugh at an
+Irish bull, and withal, so staunch a Protestant, that a papal bull only
+excited a feeling of pity and contempt; but a bull of the breed which was
+careering towards him in such lively bounds, alarmed him beyond all
+bounds; and he forthwith scampered over the meadow from the pugnaceous
+animal with the most agile precipitation imaginable; for he was not one
+of those stout-hearted heroes who could take the bull by the
+horns&mdash;especially as the animal appeared inclined to contest the meadow with
+him; and though so fond of beef (as he naturally was), he declined a
+round upon the present occasion.
+
+<p>Seeing no prospect of escape by leaping stile or hedge, he hopped the
+green turf like an encaged lark, and happily reached a pollard in the
+midst of the meadow.
+
+<p>Climbing up with the agility of a squirrel, he seated himself on the
+knobby summit of the stunted willow.
+
+<p>Still retaining his Zimmerman and his senses, he looked down and
+beheld the corniferous quadruped gamboling playfully round his singular
+asylum.
+
+<p>"Very pleasant!" exclaimed he; "I suppose, old fellow you want to have
+a game at toss!&mdash;if so, try it on with your equals, for you must see, if
+you have any gumption, that Watty Williams is above you. Aye, you may
+roar!&mdash;but if I sit here till Aurora appears in the east, you won't catch
+me winking. What a pity it is you cannot reflect as well as ruminate;
+you would spare yourself a great deal of trouble, and me a little fright
+and inconvenience."
+
+<p>The animal disdainfully tossed his head, and ran at the tree&mdash;and
+
+ <center><p>"Away flew the light bark!" </center>
+
+<p>in splinters, but the trunk remained unmoved.
+
+<p>"Shoo! shoo!" cried Watty, contemptuously; but he found that shoo'ing
+horns was useless; the beast still butted furiously against the harmless
+pollard.
+
+<p>"Hallo!" cried he to a dirty boy peeping at a distance&mdash;"Hallo!" but
+the lad only looked round, and vanished in an instant.
+
+<p>"The little fool's alarmed, I do believe!" said he; "He's only a
+cow-boy, I dare say!" And with this sapient, but unsatisfactory conclusion,
+he opened his book, and read aloud, to keep up his courage.
+
+<p>The bull hearing his voice, looked up with a most melancholy leer, the
+corners of his mouth drawn down with an expression of pathetic gravity.
+
+<p>Luckily for Watty, the little boy had given information of his
+dilemma, and the farmer to whom the bull belonged came with some of his
+men, and rescued him from his perilous situation.
+
+<p>"The gentleman will stand something to drink, I hope?" said one of the
+men.
+
+<p>"Certainly" said Watty.
+
+<p>"That's no more than right," said the farmer, "for, according to the
+New Police Act, we could fine you."
+
+<p>"What for?"
+
+<p>"Why, we could all swear that when we found you, you were so elevated
+you could not walk!"
+
+<p>Hereupon his deliverers set up a hearty laugh.
+
+<p>Watty gave them half-a-crown; saying, with mock gravity&mdash;
+
+<p>"I was on a tree, and you took me off&mdash;that was kind! I was in a
+fright, and you laughed at me; that was uncharitable. Farewell!"
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><h2>DELICACY!</h2></center>
+<br><br>
+
+<center><a name="Odd14Delicacy"></a><img alt="Odd14 Delicacy.jpg (70K)" src="images/Odd14Delicacy.jpg" height="989" width="627">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>LOUNGING in Hyde Park with the facetious B____, all on a summer's day,
+just at that period when it was the fashion to rail against the beautiful
+statue, erected by the ladies of England, in honour of the Great
+Captain&mdash;
+
+ <center><p>"The hero of a hundred fights,"&mdash;</center>
+
+<p>"How proudly must he look from the windows of Apsley House," said I,
+"upon this tribute to his military achievements."
+
+<p>"No doubt," replied B____;" and with all that enthusiasm with which
+one man of mettle ever regards another! At the same time, how lightly
+must he hold the estimation of the gallant sons of Britain, when he
+reflects that he has been compelled to guard his laurelled brow from the
+random bullets of a democratic mob, by shot-proof blinds to his noble
+mansion: this was:
+
+ <center><p>'The unkindest cut of all,'</center>
+
+<p>after all his hair-breadth 'scapes, by flood and field, in the
+service. of his country, to be compelled to fortify his castle against
+domestic foes."
+
+<p>"A mere passing cloud, that can leave no lasting impression on his
+great mind," said I; "while this statue will for ever remain, a memorial
+of his great deeds; and yet the complaint is general that the statue is
+indelicate&mdash;as if, forsooth, this was the first statue exhibited in
+'puris naturalibus' in England. I really regard it as the senseless
+cavilling of envious minds."
+
+<p>"True," said B____, laughing; "there is a great deal of railing about
+the figure, but we can all see through it!" at the same time thrusting
+his walking-stick through the iron-fence that surrounds the pedestal. As
+for delicacy, it is a word that is used so indiscriminately, and has so
+many significations, according to the mode, that few people rightly
+understand its true meaning. We say, for instance, a delicate child; and
+pork-butchers recommend a delicate pig! Delicacy and indelicacy depend
+on the mind of the recipient, and is not so much in the object as the
+observer, rely on't. Some men have a natural aptitude in discovering the
+indelicate, both in words and figures they appear, in a manner, to seek
+for it. I assure you that. I (you may laugh if you will) have often
+been put to the blush by the repetition of some harmless phrase, dropped
+innocently from my lips, and warped by one of these 'delicate' gentlemen
+to a meaning the very reverse of what I intended to convey. Like men
+with green spectacles, they look upon every object through an artificial
+medium, and give it a colour that has no existence in itself!
+
+<p>It was only last week, I was loitering about this very spot, when I
+observed, among the crowd of gazers, a dustman dressed in his best, and
+his plump doxy, extravagantly bedizened in her holiday clothes, hanging
+on his arm.
+
+<p>As they turned away, the lady elevated the hem of her rather short
+garments a shade too high (as the delicate dustman imagined) above her
+ancle. He turned towards her, and, in an audible whisper, said,
+'Delicacy, my love&mdash;'delicacy!'&mdash;'Lawks, Fred!' replied the damsel, with
+a loud guffaw,'&mdash;'it's not fashionable!&mdash;besides, vot's the good o'
+having a fine leg, if one must'nt show it?'
+
+<p>So much for opinions on delicacy!
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><h2>"NOW JEM&mdash;"</h2></center>
+<br><br>
+
+<blockquote><blockquote>
+<p><i>"Now, Jem, let's shew these gals how we can row."</i>
+</blockquote></blockquote>
+<br><br>
+
+<center><a name="Odd15NowJem"></a><img alt="Odd15 Now Jem.jpg (73K)" src="images/Odd15NowJem.jpg" height="914" width="653">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<center>
+<table summary="">
+<tr><td>
+
+
+<br>THE tide is agin us, I know,
+<br>But pull away, Jem, like a trump;
+<br>Vot's that? O! my vig, it's a barge&mdash;
+<br>Oh! criky! but that vos a bump!
+<br>
+<br>How lucky 'twas full o' round coals,
+<br>Or ve might ha' capsized her&mdash;perhaps!
+<br>See, the bargemen are grinning, by goles!
+<br>I never seed sich wulgar chaps.
+<br>
+<br>Come, pull away, Jem, like a man,
+<br>A vherry's a coming along
+<br>Vith a couple o' gals all agog&mdash;
+<br>So let us be first in the throng.
+<br>
+<br>Now put your scull rig'ler in,
+<br>Don't go for to make any crabs;
+<br>But feather your oar, like a nob,
+<br>And show 'em ve're nothink but dabs!
+<br>
+<br>The vaterman's leering at us,
+<br>And the gals is a giggling so&mdash;
+<br>They take us for green'uns, but ve
+<br>Vill soon show 'em how ve can row.
+<br>
+<br>Alas! for poor Bobby's "show off"&mdash;
+<br>He slipp'd in a trice from his seat&mdash;
+<br>While his beaver fell into the stream,
+<br>And the gals laugh'd aloud at his feat.
+<br>
+<br>For his boots were alone to be seen,
+<br>As he sprawled like a crab on its back;
+<br>While the waterman cried&mdash;"Ho! my lads!
+<br>I think you'd best try t'other tack!"
+<br>
+<br>Says Bobby&mdash;"You fool, it's your fault;
+<br>Look&mdash;my best Sunday castor is vet:
+<br>Pull ashore, then, as fast as you can.
+<br>I can't row no more&mdash;I'm upset.
+<br>
+<br>"I think that my napper is broke,
+<br>Abumpin' agin this wile boat;
+<br>You may laugh&mdash;but I think it's no joke:
+<br>And I shan't soon agin be afloat.
+<br>
+<br>"I'll never take you out agin&mdash;
+<br>I've had quite enough in this bout!"
+<br>Cried Jem&mdash;"Don't be angry vith me;
+<br>Sit still, and I'll soon&mdash;PUT YOU OUT!"
+
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+</center>
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><h2>STEAMING IT TO MARGATE.</h2></center>
+
+<br><br>
+<blockquote><blockquote>
+<p><i>"Steward, bring me a glass of brandy as quick as you can."</i>
+</blockquote></blockquote>
+<br><br>
+
+<center><a name="Odd16Steaming"></a><img alt="Odd16 Steaming.jpg (77K)" src="images/Odd16Steaming.jpg" height="949" width="652">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>
+SINCE the invention of steam, thousands have been tempted to inhale the
+saline salubrity of the sea, that would never have been induced to try,
+and be tried, by the experiment of a trip. Like hams for the market,
+every body is now regularly salted and smoked. The process, too, is so
+cheap! The accommodations are so elegant, and the sailors so smart!
+None of the rolling roughness of quid-chewing Jack-tars. Jack-tars!
+pshaw! they are regular smoke jacks on board a steamer! The Steward
+("waiter" by half the cockneys called) is so ready and obliging; and then
+the provisions is excellent. Who would not take a trip to Margate?
+There's only one thing that rather adulterates the felicity&mdash;a drop of
+gall in the cup of mead!&mdash;and that is the horrid sea-sickness! learnedly
+called nostalgia; but call it by any name you please, like a stray dog,
+it is pretty sure to come.
+
+<p>The cold perspiration&mdash;the internal commotion&mdash;the brain's
+giddiness&mdash;the utter prostration of strength&mdash;the Oh! I never shall forget the
+death-like feel!&mdash;Fat men rolling on the deck, like fresh caught
+porpoises; little children floundering about; and white muslins and
+parasols vanishing below! The smoking-hot dinner sends up its fumes, and
+makes the sick more sick. Soda-water corks are popping and flying about
+in every direction, like a miniature battery pointed against the assaults
+of the horrid enemy!
+
+<p>"Steward!" faintly cries a fat bilious man, "bring me a glass of
+brandy as quick as you can."
+
+<p>But alas! he who can thus readily summon spirits from the vasty deep,
+has no power over the rolling sea, or its reaches!
+
+<p>"O! my poor pa!" exclaims the interesting Wilhelmina; and is so
+overcome, that she, sweet sympathizer! is soon below pa in the ladies'
+cabin. In fact, the greater part of the pleasure-seekers are taken&mdash;at
+full length.
+
+<p>Even young ladies from boarding-school, who are thinking of husbands,
+declare loudly against maritime delight! while all the single young men
+appear double.
+
+<p>The pier at last appears&mdash;and the cargo of drooping souls hail it with
+delight, and with as grateful a reverence as if they were received by the
+greatest peer of the realm!
+
+<p>They hurry from the boat as if 'twere Charon's, and they were about
+stepping into the fields of Elysium!
+
+<p>A change comes o'er the spirit of their dream&mdash;their nerves are
+braced; and so soon are mortal troubles obliterated from the mind, that
+in a few days they are ready again to tempt the terrors of sea-sickness
+in a voyage homewards&mdash;notwithstanding many of them, in their extremity,
+had vowed that they never would return by water, if they outlived the
+present infliction; considering, naturally enough, that it was "all up"
+with them!
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><h2>PETER SIMPLE'S FOREIGN ADVENTURE.</h2></center>
+<br><br>
+
+<blockquote><blockquote>
+<p><i>"Loud roared the dreadful thunder."&mdash;Bay of Biscay.</i>
+</blockquote></blockquote>
+<br><br>
+
+<center><a name="Odd17Peter1"></a><img alt="Odd17 Peter 1.jpg (74K)" src="images/Odd17Peter1.jpg" height="912" width="645">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>
+THE good ship Firefly tossed and tumbled on the mountainous waves of the
+stormy sea, like a cork in a gutter; and when she could not stem the
+waves, politically tried a little tergiversation, and went stern
+foremost! The boatswain piped all hands, and poor Peter Simple piped his
+eye; for the cry of the whole crew was, that they were all going to Davy
+Jones's locker. The waves struck her so repeatedly, that at last she
+appeared as ungovernable as a scold in a rage; and as she found she could
+not, by any means, strike the storm in the wind, and so silence it, she
+gave vent to her fury by striking upon a rock!
+
+<p>It was a hard alternative truly; but what could she do? The long boat
+was soon alongside, and was not long before it was filled with tars and
+salt-water. Alas! she was speedily swamped, and the crew were compelled
+to swim for their lives. Peter, however, could not swim, but the sea
+gave him a lift in his dilemma, and washed him clean ashore, where he lay
+for some time like a veritable lump of salt-Peter! When the storm had
+abated he came to himself, and of course found himself in no agreeable
+company!
+
+<p>Sticking his cocked-hat on his head, and grasping his dirk in his
+hand, he tottered to a rock, when, seating himself, he philosophically
+rocked to and fro. "Oh! vy vos I a midshipman," cried he, "to be wrecked
+on this desolate island? I vish I vos at home at Bloomsbury! Oh! that I
+had but to turn and embrace my kind, good, benevolent, and much respected
+grandmother." As he uttered this pathetic plaint, he heard a chatter&mdash;of
+which, at first considering that it proceeded from his own teeth, he took
+no notice&mdash;but the sounds being repeated, he turned his head, and beheld
+a huge baboon with a dog-face and flowing hair, grinning with admiration
+at his cocked hat.
+
+<p>One look was sufficient! he leaped from his seat, and rushed wildly
+forward, threading a wood in his way, and turning in and out&mdash;in
+and out&mdash;with the sharpness and facility of a needle in the heel of a worsted
+stocking&mdash;he never stayed his flight, 'till he fell plump into the centre
+of a group of Indians, who received him with a yell!&mdash;loud enough to
+split the drums of a whole drawing-room full of ears polite.
+
+<p>He would have fallen headlong with fear and exhaustion upon the turf,
+had not a gentle female caught the slender youth in her arms, and
+embraced him with all the energetic affection of a boa-constrictor.
+
+<p>Peter trembled like a little inoffensive mouse in the claws of a
+tabby!
+
+<p>At the same time one of the Indians stepped forward, brandishing his
+scalping knife.
+
+<p>He was the very prototype of an animated bronze Hercules; and, seizing
+the poor middy's lank locks, with a peculiar twist, in his iron grasp&mdash;
+Peter fainted!
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><h2>PETER SIMPLE'S FOREIGN ADVENTURE. No. II.</h2></center>
+<br><br>
+
+<blockquote><blockquote>
+<p><i>"O! what a lost mutton am I!"&mdash;Inkle and Yarico.</i>
+</blockquote></blockquote>
+<br><br>
+
+<center><a name="Odd18Peter2"></a><img alt="Odd18 Peter 2.jpg (89K)" src="images/Odd18Peter2.jpg" height="960" width="651">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>
+MOST luckily for poor Peter was it, that he fell into the hands, or
+rather the arms, of the Indian maid; for she not only preserved his crop,
+but his life. When he recovered from his swoon, he found himself seated
+beside his preserver, who, with one arm round his waist, was holding a
+cocoa-nut, filled with a refreshing beverage, to his parched and pallid
+lips. A large fire blazed in the middle of the wide space occupied by
+the Indians, and he beheld the well-known coats and jackets of the brave
+crew of the Firefly scattered on the greensward.
+
+<p>His heart palpitated-he thought at first that the villainous Indians
+had stripped them, and left them to wander in a state of nature through
+the tangled and briery woods. He was, however, soon&mdash;too soon&mdash;convinced
+that the savages had dressed them! Yes, that merry crew&mdash;who had so
+often roasted him&mdash;had been roasted by the Indians!
+
+<p>From this awful fate the lovely Ootanga had preserved him. She had
+suddenly conceived a violent affection for the young white-face; and,
+after a long harangue to the chief, her father, his consent was obtained,
+and the nuptials were celebrated.
+
+<p>"I smell a rat," said Peter&mdash;"I'm booked; but better booked than
+cooked, at any rate;" and forthwith returned thanks to the company for
+the honour they had conferred upon him, in the fashion of an after-dinner
+speech, accompanied with as much pantomime as he could manage.
+
+<p>A dance and a feast followed, of which Peter partook; but whether
+rabbit, squirrel, or monkey, formed the basis of his wedding-supper, he
+was not naturalist enough to determine.
+
+<p>Ootanga's affection, however, was sufficient to make amends for
+anything; she was, in truth, a most killing beauty, for she brought him
+tigers slain by her own hands, and made a couch for him of the skins.
+
+<p>She caught rattlesnakes for him, and spitch-cooked them for his
+breakfast. In fact, there was nothing she left undone to convince him of
+her unbounded love.
+
+<p>Peter's heart, however, was untouched by all this show of tenderness;
+for the fact is, he had already given his heart to a white-face in his
+own country.
+
+<p>The only consolation he had in his forlorn situation was to talk of
+her continually; and, as Ootanga understood not a syllable of what he
+uttered, she naturally applied all his tender effusions to herself, and
+laughed and grinned, and showed her white teeth, as if she would devour
+her little husband.
+
+<p>Seated on a tiger skin, with his lawful spouse beside him, arrayed in
+shells, bows, feathers, and all the adornments of a savage bride, he
+still sighed for home, and plaintively exclaimed:&mdash;
+
+<p>"Here I am, married to the only daughter of the great chief, who would
+have roasted me with the rest of our crew, had I not given a joyful
+consent. Oh! I wonder if I ever shall get home, and be married to Miss
+Wiggins!!!"
+
+<p>The lovely wide-mouthed Ootanga patted him fondly on the chin, and
+dreamed in her ignorance that he was paying her a compliment in his
+native language.
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><h2>DOBBS'S "DUCK."</h2>
+<br>
+<h3>A LEGEND OF HORSELYDOWN.</h3></center>
+<br><br>
+
+<center><a name="Odd19Dobbs"></a><img alt="Odd19 Dobbs.jpg (61K)" src="images/Odd19Dobbs.jpg" height="983" width="643">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>
+IT may be accepted as an indubitable truth, that when the tenderest
+epithets are bandied between a married couple, that the domestic affairs
+do not go particularly straight.
+
+<p>Dobbs and his rib were perhaps the most divided pair that ever were
+yoked by Hymen. D. was a good-humored fellow, a jovial blade, full of
+high spirits&mdash;while his wife was one of the most cross-grained and
+cantankerous bodies that ever man was blessed with&mdash;and yet, to hear the
+sweet diminutives which they both employed in their dialogues, the world
+would have concluded that they were upon the best terms conceivable.
+
+<p>"My love," quoth Mrs. D., "I really now should like to take a boat and
+row down the river as far as Battersea; the weather is so very fine, and
+you know, my dear love, how fond I am of the water."
+
+<p>D. could have added (and indeed it was upon the very tip of his
+tongue)&mdash;"mixed with spirits"&mdash;but he wisely restrained the impertinent
+allusion.
+
+<p>"Well, my duck," said he, "you have only to name the day, you know, I
+am always ready to please,"&mdash;and then, as was his habit, concluded his
+gracious speech by singing&mdash;
+
+<center>
+<table summary="">
+<tr><td>
+
+ "'Tis woman vot seduces all mankind&mdash;
+<br> Their mother's teach them the wheedling art."
+
+
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+</center>
+
+<p>"Hold your nonsense, do," replied Mrs. D____, scarcely able to
+restrain her snappish humour, but, fearful of losing the jaunt,
+politically added, "Suppose, love, we go to-day&mdash;no time like the
+present, dear."
+
+ <center><p>"Thine am I&mdash;thine am I," sang the indulgent husband.</center>
+
+<p>And Mrs. D____ hereupon ordered the boy to carry down to the stairs a
+cargo of brandy, porter, and sandwiches, for the intended voyage, and
+taking her dear love in the humour, presently appeared duly decked out
+for the trip.
+
+<p>Two watermen and a wherry were soon obtained, and Dobbs, lighting his
+cigar, alternately smoked and sang, while his duck employed herself most
+agreeably upon the sandwiches.
+
+<p>The day was bright and sunny, and exceedingly hot; and they had
+scarcely rowed as far as the Red-House, when Mrs. D____became rather
+misty, from the imbibation of the copious draughts she had swallowed to
+quench her thirst.
+
+<p>A lighter being a-head, the boatmen turned round, while Dobbs, casting
+up his eyes to the blue heavens, was singing, in the hilarity of his
+heart, "Hearts as warm as those above, lie under the waters cold," when
+the boat heeled, and his duck, who unfortunately could not swim, slipped
+gently over the gunwhale, and, unnoticed, sank to rise no more.
+
+<p>"Ah!" said Dobbs, when, some months afterwards, he was speaking of the
+sad bereavement, "She was a wife! I shall never get such another, and,
+what's more, I would not if I could."
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><h2>STRAWBERRIES AND CREAM.</h2></center>
+<br><br>
+
+<center><a name="Odd20Strawberries"></a><img alt="Odd20 Strawberries.jpg (79K)" src="images/Odd20Strawberries.jpg" height="887" width="648">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>Among all the extraordinary and fantastic dishes compounded for the
+palate of Heliogabalus, the Prince of Epicures, that delicious admixture
+of the animal and the vegetable&mdash;Strawberries and Cream&mdash;is never
+mentioned in the pages of the veracious chronicler of his gastronomic
+feats!
+
+<p>Yes! 'tis a lamentable truth, this smooth, oleaginous, and delicately
+odorous employment for the silver spoon, was unknown. Should the
+knowledge of his loss reach him in the fields of Elysium, will not his
+steps be incontinently turned towards the borders of the Styx&mdash;his
+plaintive voice hail the grim ferryman, while in his most persuasive
+tones he cries&mdash;
+
+ <center><p>"Row me back&mdash;row me back,"</center>
+
+<p>that he may enjoy, for a brief space, this untasted pleasure? Ye
+gods! in our mind's eye we behold the heartless and unfeeling Charon
+refuse his earnest prayer, and see his languid spirit&mdash;diluted by
+disappointment to insipidity&mdash;wandering over the enamelled meads, as flat
+and shallow as an overflow in the dank fens of Lincoln.
+
+<p>His imagination gloats upon the fragrant invention, and he gulps at
+the cheating shadow until Elysium becomes a perfect Hades to his tortured
+spirit.
+
+<p>Mellow, rich, and toothsome compound! Toothsome did we say? Nay,
+even those who have lost their 'molares, incisores,' canine teeth,
+'dentes sapientiae,' and all can masticate and inwardly digest thee!
+
+<p>Racy and recherche relish!
+
+<p>Thou art&mdash;
+<center>
+<table summary="">
+<tr><td>
+
+
+
+<br>As delicate as first love&mdash;
+<br>As white and red as a maiden's cheek&mdash;
+<br>As palateable as well-timed flattery&mdash;
+<br>As light and filling as the gas of a balloon&mdash;
+<br>As smooth as a courtier&mdash;
+<br>As odorous as the flowers of Jasmin&mdash;
+<br>As soft as flos silk&mdash;
+<br>As encouraging, without being so illusory, as Hope&mdash;
+<br>As tempting as green herbage to lean kine&mdash;
+<br>&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash; a Chancery suit to the Bill of a cormorant-lawyer&mdash;
+<br>&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash; a pump to a thirsty paviour&mdash;
+<br>&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash; a sun-flower to a bee&mdash;
+<br>&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash; a ripe melon to a fruit-knife&mdash;
+<br>&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash; a rose to a nightingale&mdash;or
+<br>&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash; a pot of treacle to a blue-bottle&mdash;
+<br>As beautiful to the eye as a page of virgin-vellum richly illuminated
+<br>And
+<br>As satisfactory as a fat legacy!
+
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+</center>
+
+<p>Talk of nectar! if Jupiter should really wish to give a bonne-bouche
+to Juno, Leda, or Venus, or any one of his thousand and one flames, let
+him skim the milky-way&mdash;transform the instrumental part of the music of
+the spheres into 'hautboys,' and compound the only dish worth the roseate
+lips of the gentle dames 'in nubibus,' and depend on it, the cups of
+Ganymede and Hebe will be rejected for a bowl of&mdash;Strawberries and Cream.
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><h2>A DAY'S PLEASURE.&mdash;No. I.</h2></center>
+<br>
+<center><h3>THE JOURNEY OUT.</h3></center>
+<br><br>
+<blockquote><blockquote>
+<p><i>"It's werry hot, but werry pleasant."</i>
+</blockquote></blockquote>
+<br><br>
+
+<center><a name="Odd21Pleasure1"></a><img alt="Odd21 Pleasure 1.jpg (77K)" src="images/Odd21Pleasure1.jpg" height="971" width="651">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<center>
+<table summary="">
+<tr><td>
+
+
+<br>SAYS Mrs. Sibson to her spouse
+<br>"The days is hot and fair;
+<br>I think 'twould do the children good
+<br>To get a little hair!
+<br>
+<br>"For ve've been moping here at home
+<br>And nothin' seen o' life;
+<br>Vhile neighbor Jones he takes his jaunts
+<br>O' Sundays vith his vife!"
+<br>
+<br>"Vell! vell! my dear," quoth Mr. S____
+<br>"Let's hear vot you purpose;
+<br>I'm al'ays ready to comply,
+<br>As you, my love, vell knows.
+<br>
+<br>"I'll make no bones about the cost;
+<br>You knows I never stick
+<br>About a trifle to amuse,
+<br>So, dearest Pol, be quick."
+<br>
+<br>"Vhy, this is it:&mdash;I think ve might
+<br>To Hornsey have a day;
+<br>Maria, Peg, and Sal, and Bet
+<br>Ve'd pack into a 'chay.'
+<br>
+<br>"Our Jim and Harry both could valk,
+<br>(God bless their little feet!)
+<br>The babby in my arms I'd take&mdash;
+<br>I'm sure 'twould be a treat;"
+<br>
+<br>Quoth he: "I am unanimous!"
+<br>And so the day was fix'd;
+<br>And forth they started in good trim,
+<br>Tho' not with toil umnix'd.
+<br>
+<br>Across his shoulders Sibson bore
+<br>A basket with the "grub,"
+<br>And to the "chay" perform'd the "horse,"
+<br>Lest Mrs. S____ should snub.
+<br>
+<br>Apollo smiled!&mdash;that is, the sun
+<br>Blazed in a cloudless sky,
+<br>And Sibson soon was in a "broil"
+<br>By dragging of his "fry."
+<br>
+<br>Says S____, "My love, I'm dry as dust!"
+<br>When she replied, quite gay,
+<br>"Then, drink; for see I've bottled up
+<br>My spirits for the day."
+<br>
+<br>And from the basket drew a flask,
+<br>And eke a footless glass;
+<br>He quaff'd the drink, and cried, "Now, dear,
+<br>I'm strong as ____" let that pass!
+<br>
+<br>At last they reach'd the destined spot
+<br>And prop and babes unpacked;
+<br>They ran about, and stuff'd, and cramm'd,
+<br>And really nothing lack'd.
+<br>
+<br>And Sibson, as he "blew a cloud,"
+<br>Declared, "It vos a day!"
+<br>And vow'd that he would come again&mdash;
+<br>Then call'd for "Vot's to pay?"
+
+
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+</center>
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><h2>A DAY'S PLEASURE.&mdash;No. II.</h2></center>
+<br>
+<center><h3>THE JOURNEY HOME.</h3></center>
+<br><br>
+<blockquote><blockquote>
+<p><i>"Vot a soaking ve shall get."</i>
+</blockquote></blockquote>
+<br><br>
+
+<center><a name="Odd22Pleasure2"></a><img alt="Odd22 Pleasure 2.jpg (105K)" src="images/Odd22Pleasure2.jpg" height="937" width="653">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<center>
+<table summary="">
+<tr><td>
+
+
+<br>ACROSS the fields they homeward trudged, when, lo! a heavy rain
+<br>Came pouring from the sky;
+<br>Poor Sibson haul'd, the children squall'd; alas! it was too plain
+<br>They would not reach home dry.
+<br>
+<br>With clay-clogg'd wheels, and muddy heels, and Jim upon his back,
+<br>He grumbled on his way;
+<br>"Vell, blow my vig! this is a rig!" cried Sibson, "Vell! alack!
+<br>I shan't forget this day!
+<br>
+<br>"My shoes is sop, my head's a mop; I'm vet as any think;
+<br>Oh! shan't ve cotch a cold!"
+<br>"Your tongue is glib enough!" his rib exclaim'd, and made him shrink,
+<br>&mdash;For she was such a scold&mdash;
+<br>
+<br>And in her eye he could descry a spark that well he knew
+<br>Into a flame would rise;
+<br>So he was dumb, silent and glum, as the small "chay" he drew,
+<br>And ventured no replies.
+<br>
+<br>Slip, slop, and slush! past hedge and bush, the dripping mortals go
+<br>(Tho' 'twas "no go" S____ thought);
+<br>"If this 'ere's fun, vy I for vuu," cried he, with face of woe,
+<br>"Von't soon again be caught.
+<br>
+<br>"Vet to the skin, thro' thick and thin, to trapes ain't to my mind;
+<br>So the next holiday
+<br>I vill not roam, but stick at home, for there at least I'll find
+<br>The means to soak my clay.
+<br>
+<br>"Tis quite a fag, this 'chay' to drag&mdash;the babbies too is cross,
+<br>And Mrs. S____ is riled.
+<br>'Tis quite a bore; the task is more&mdash;more fitt'rer for an horse;
+<br>And vith the heat I'm briled!
+<br>
+<br>"No, jaunts adoo! I'll none o' you!"&mdash;and soon they reach'd their home,
+<br>Wet through and discontent&mdash;
+<br>"Sure sich a day, I needs must say," exclaim'd his loving spouse,
+<br>"Afore I never spent!"
+
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+</center>
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><h2>HAMMERING</h2></center>
+<br><br>
+
+<blockquote><blockquote>
+<p><i>"Beside a meandering stream
+<br>There sat an old gentleman fat;
+<br>On the top of his head was his wig,
+<br>On the top of his wig was his hat."</i>
+</blockquote></blockquote>
+<br><br>
+
+<center><a name="Odd23Hammering"></a><img alt="Odd23 Hammering.jpg (87K)" src="images/Odd23Hammering.jpg" height="995" width="649">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>
+I ONCE followed a venerable gentleman along the banks of a mill-stream,
+armed at all points with piscatorial paraphernalia, looking out for some
+appropriate spot, with all the coolness of a Spanish inquisitor,
+displaying his various instruments of refined torture. He at last
+perched himself near the troubled waters, close to the huge revolving
+wheel, and threw in his float, which danced upon the mimic waves, and
+bobbed up and down, as if preparing for a reel. Patiently he sat; as
+motionless and unfeeling as a block. I placed myself under cover of an
+adjoining hedge, and watched him for the space of half an hour; but he
+pulled up nothing but his baited hook;&mdash;what his bait was, I know not;
+but I suppose, from the vicinity, he was fishing for a "miller's thumb."
+Presently, two mealy-mouthed men, from the mill, made their appearance,
+cautiously creeping behind him.
+
+<p>I drew myself up in the shadow of the luxuriant quickset to observe
+their notions.
+
+<p>A paling in the rear offered the rogues an effectual concealment in
+case the angler should turn.
+
+<p>Close to his seat ran some wood-work, upon which they quietly drew the
+broad tails of his coat, and driving in a couple of tenpenny nails, left
+the unconscious old gentleman a perfect fixture; to be taken at a
+valuation, I suppose, part of his personal property being already
+"brought to the hammer!" the clattering clamour of the wheel precluding
+him from hearing the careful, but no less effectual taps. I certainly
+enjoyed the trick, and longed to see the ridiculous issue; but he was so
+intent upon his sport&mdash;so fixed that he did not discover the nature of
+his real attachment while I remained.
+
+<p>Doubtless if he were of a quick and sudden temperament, a snatch of
+his humour rent his broad cloth, and he returned home with a woful tail,
+and slept not&mdash;for his nap was irreparably destroyed!
+
+<p>I hate all twaddle; but when I see an old fool, with rod and line,
+
+ <center><p>"Sitting like patience on a monument,"</center>
+
+<p>
+and selling the remnant of his life below cost price in the pursuit of
+angling,&mdash;that "art of ingeniously tormenting,"&mdash;a feeling,
+
+ <center><p>"More in sorrow than in anger,"</center>
+
+<p>is excited at his profitless inhumanity.
+
+<p>Vainly do all the disciples of honest Izaak Walton discourse, in
+eulogistic strains, of the pleasure of the sport. I can imagine neither
+pleasure nor sport derivable from the infliction of pain upon the meanest
+thing endowed with life.
+
+<p>This may be deemed Brahminical, but I doubt that man's humanity who
+can indulge in the cruel recreation and murder while he smiles.
+
+<p>"What, heretical sentiments," exclaims some brother of the angle,
+(now I am an angle, but no angler.) "This fellow hath never trudged at
+early dawn along the verdant banks of the 'sedgy lea,' and drunk in the
+dewy freshness of the morning air. His lines have never fallen in
+pleasant places. He has never performed a pilgrimage to Waltham Cross.
+He is, in truth, one of those vulgar minds who take more delight in the
+simple than the&mdash;gentle!&mdash;and every line of his deserves a rod!"
+
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><h2>PRACTICE.</h2></center>
+<br><br>
+
+<blockquote><blockquote>
+<p><i>"Sweet is the breath of morn when she ascends
+<br>With charm of earliest birds."&mdash;-MILTON.</i>
+</blockquote></blockquote>
+<br><br>
+
+<center><a name="Odd24Practice"></a><img alt="Odd24 Practice.jpg (74K)" src="images/Odd24Practice.jpg" height="999" width="651">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>
+"WELL, this is a morning!" emphatically exclaimed a stripling, with a
+mouth and eyes formed by Nature of that peculiar width and power of
+distension, so admirably calculated for the expression of stupid wonder
+or surprise; while his companion, elevating his nasal organ and
+projecting his chin, sniffed the fresh morning breeze, as they trudged
+through the dewy meadows, and declared that it was exactly for all the
+world similar-like to reading Thomson's Seasons! In which apt and
+appropriate simile the other concurred.
+
+<p>"Tom's a good fellow to lend us his gun," continued he&mdash;"I only hope
+it ain't given to tricking, that's all. I say, Sugarlips, keep your
+powder dry."
+
+<p>"Leave me alone for that," replied Sugarlips; "I know a thing or two,
+although this is the first time that ever I have been out. What a
+scuffling the birds do make"&mdash;added he, peeping into the cage which they
+had, as a precautionary measure, stocked with sparrows, in order that
+they might not be disappointed in their sport&mdash;"How they long to be on
+the wing!"
+
+<p>"I'll wing 'em, presently!" cried his comrade, with a vaunting air&mdash;"
+and look if here ain't the very identical spot for a display of my skill.
+Pick out one of the best and biggest, and tie up a-top of yonder stile,
+and you shall soon have a specimen of my execution." Sugarlips quickly
+did his bidding.
+
+<p>"Now&mdash;come forward and stand back! What do ye think o' that, ey?"
+said the sportsman&mdash;levelling his gun, throwing back his head, closing
+his sinister ocular, and stretching out his legs after the manner of the
+Colossus of Rhodes&mdash;"Don't you admire my style?"
+
+<p>"Excellent!" said Sugarlips&mdash;"But I think I could hit it."
+
+<p>"What?"
+
+<p>"Why, the stile to be sure."
+
+<p>"Keep quiet, can't you&mdash;Now for it&mdash;" and, trembling with eagerness,
+his hand pulled the trigger, but no report followed. "The deuce is in
+the gun," cried he, lowering it, and examining the lock; "What can ail
+it?"
+
+<p>"Why, I'll be shot if that ain't prime," exclaimed Sugarlips, laughing
+outright.
+
+<p>"What do you mean?"
+
+<p>"I've only forgot the priming&mdash;that's all."
+
+<p>"There's a pretty fellow, you are, for a sportsman."
+
+<p>"Well, it's no matter as it happens; for, though 'Time and tide wait
+for no man,' a sparrow tied must, you know. There! that will do."
+
+<p>"Sure you put the shot in now?"
+
+<p>"If you put the shot into Dicky as surely, he'll never peck groundsel
+again, depend on it."
+
+<p>Again the "murderous tube" was levelled; Sugarlips backed against an
+adjoining wall, with a nervous adhesiveness that evidently proved him
+less fearful of a little mortar than a great gun!
+
+<p>"That's right; out of the way, Sugarlips; I am sure I shall hit him
+this time." And no sooner had he uttered this self-congratulatory
+assurance (alas! not life-assurance!) than a report (most injurious to
+the innocent cock-sparrow) was heard in the neighbourhood!
+
+<p>"Murder!&mdash;mur-der!" roared a stentorian voice, which made the
+criniferous coverings of their craniums stand on end
+
+ <center><p>"Like quills upon the fretful porcupine."</center>
+
+<p>In an instant the sportsman let fall his gun, and Sugarlips ran
+affrighted towards the stile. He found it really "vox et preterea
+nihil;" for a few feathers of the bird alone were visible: he had been
+blown to nothing; and, peeping cautiously round the angle of the wall, he
+beheld a portly gentleman in black running along with the unwieldy gait
+of a chased elephant.
+
+<p>"Old Flank'em, of the Finishing Academy, by jingo!" exclaimed
+Sugarlips. "It's a mercy we didn't finish him! Why, he must actually
+have been on the point of turning the corner. I think we had better be
+off; for, if the old dominie catches us, he will certainly liberate our
+sparrows, and&mdash;put us in the cage!"
+
+<p>But, where's the spoil?"
+
+<p>"Spoil, indeed!" cried Sugarlips; "you've spoiled him nicely. I've an
+idea, Tom, you were too near, as the spendthrift nephew said of his
+miserly uncle. If you can't get an aim at a greater distance, you'd
+never get a name as a long shot&mdash;that's my mind."
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><h2>PRECEPT.</h2></center>
+<br><br>
+
+<center><a name="Odd25Precept"></a><img alt="Odd25 Precept.jpg (82K)" src="images/Odd25Precept.jpg" height="974" width="654">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>Uncle Samson was a six-bottle man. His capacity was certainly great,
+whatever might be said of his intellect; for I have seen him rise without
+the least appearance of elevation, after having swallowed the customary
+half dozen. He laughed to scorn all modern potations of wishy-washy
+French and Rhine wines&mdash;deeming them unfit for the palate of a true-born
+Englishman. Port, Sherry, and Madeira were his only tipple&mdash;the rest, he
+would assert, were only fit for finger-glasses!
+
+<p>&mdash;He was of a bulky figure, indeed a perfect Magnum among men, with a
+very apoplectic brevity of neck, and a logwood complexion,&mdash;and though a
+staunch Church-of-England-man, he might have been mistaken, from his
+predilection for the Port, to be a true Mussulman. To hear him discourse
+upon the age of his wines&mdash;the 'pinhole,' the 'crust,' the 'bees'-wing,'
+etc., was perfectly edifying&mdash;and every man who could not imbibe the
+prescribed quantum, became his butt. To temperance and tea-total
+societies he attributed the rapid growth of radicalism and dissent.
+
+<p>"Water," he would say, with a sort of hydrophobic shudder, "is only a
+fit beverage for asses!"&mdash;"To say a man could drink like a fish, was once
+the greatest encomium that a bon-vivant could bestow upon a brother
+Bacchanalian&mdash;but, alas! in this matter-of-fact and degenerate age, men
+do so literally&mdash;washing their gills with unadulterated water!&mdash;Dropsy
+and water on the chest must be the infallible result! If such an order
+of things continue, all the puppies in the kingdom, who would perhaps
+have become jolly dogs in their time, will be drowned! Yes, they'll
+inevitably founder, like a water-logged vessel, in sight of port. These
+water-drinkers will not have a long reign. They would feign persuade us
+that 'Truth lies at the bottom of a well,'&mdash;lies, indeed! I tell you
+Horace knew better, and that his assertion of 'There is truth in wine,'
+was founded on experience&mdash;his draughts had no water-mark in 'em, depend
+on it."
+
+<p>He was a great buyer of choice "Pieces," and his cellar contained one
+of the best stocks in the kingdom, both in the wood and bottle. Poor
+Uncle!&mdash;he has now been some years "in the wood" himself, and snugly
+stowed in the family vault!
+
+<p>Having been attacked with a severe cold, he was compelled to call in
+the Doctor, who sent him a sudorific in three Lilliputian bottles; but
+although he received the advice of his medical friend, he followed
+Shakspeare's,
+
+
+ <center><p>"Throw physic to the dogs,"</center>
+
+
+<p>and prescribed for himself a bowl of wine-whey as a febrifuge. His
+housekeeper remonstrated, but he would have his 'whey,' and he died!
+leaving a handsome fortune, and two good-looking nephews to follow him to
+the grave.
+
+<p>Myself and Cousin (the two nephews aforesaid) were vast favourites
+with the old gentleman, and strenuously did he endeavour to initiate us
+in the art of drinking, recounting the feats of his youth, and his
+drinking-bouts with my father, adding, with a smile, "But you'll never be
+a par with, your Uncle, Ned, till you can carry the six bottles under
+your waistcoat."
+
+<p>My head was certainly stronger than my Cousin's; he went as far as the
+third bottle&mdash;the next drop was on the floor! Now I did once manage the
+fourth bottle&mdash;but then&mdash;I must confess I was obliged to give it up!
+
+<p>"Young men," would my Uncle say, "should practice 'sans intermission,'
+until they can drink four bottles without being flustered, then they will
+be sober people; for it won't be easy to make them tipsy&mdash;a drunken man I
+abominate!"
+
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><h2>EXAMPLE.</h2></center>
+<br><br>
+
+<blockquote><blockquote>
+<p><i>"You see I make no splash!"</i>
+</blockquote></blockquote>
+<br><br>
+
+<center><a name="Odd26Example"></a><img alt="Odd26 Example.jpg (91K)" src="images/Odd26Example.jpg" height="979" width="648">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>
+THERE are some individuals so inflated with self-sufficiency, and
+entertain such an overweaning opinion of their skill in all matters, that
+they must needs have a finger in every pie.
+
+<p>Perhaps a finer specimen than old V____, of this genius of egotistic,
+meddling mortals, never existed. He was a man well-to-do in the world,
+and possessed not only a large fortune, but a large family.
+
+<p>He had an idea that no man was better qualified to bring up his
+children in the way they should go; and eternally plagued the obsequious
+tutors of his sons with his novel mode of instilling the rudiments of the
+Latin tongue, although he knew not a word of the language; and the
+obedient mistresses of his daughters with his short road to attaining a
+perfection in playing the piano-forte, without knowing a note of the
+gamut: but what could they say; why, nothing more or less than they were
+'astonished;' which was vague enough to be as true as it was flattering.
+
+<p>And then he was so universally clever, that he even interfered in the
+culinary department of his household, instructing the red-elbowed,
+greasy, grinning Cook, in the sublime art of drawing, stuffing, and
+roasting a goose, for which she certainly did not fail to roast the goose
+(her master) when she escaped to the regions below.
+
+<p>Even his medical attendant was compelled to acknowledge the efficacy
+of his domestic prescriptions of water-gruel and honey in catarrhs, and
+roasted onions in ear-aches, and sundry other simple appliances; and, in
+fine, found himself, on most occasions, rather a 'consulting surgeon,'
+than an apothecary, for he was compelled to yield to the man who had
+studied Buchan's and Graham's Domestic Medicine. And the only
+consolation he derived from his yielding affability, were the long bills
+occasioned by the mistakes of this domestic quack, who was continually
+running into errors, which required all his skill to repair. Nay, his
+wife's mantua-maker did not escape his tormenting and impertinent advice;
+for he pretended to a profound knowledge in all the modes, from the time
+of Elizabeth to Victoria, and deemed his judgment in frills, flounces,
+and corsages, as undeniable and infallible.
+
+<p>Of course the sempstress flattered his taste; for his wife, poor soul!
+she soon had tact enough to discover, had no voice in the business.
+
+<p>His eldest son, George, had a notion that he could angle. Old V____
+immediately read himself up in Walton, and soon convinced&mdash;himself, that
+he was perfect in that line, and quite capable of teaching the whole art
+and mystery.
+
+<p>"See, George," said he, when they had arrived at a convenient spot for
+their first attempt, "this is the way to handle your tackle; drop it
+gently into the water,&mdash;so!" and, twirling the line aloft, he hooked the
+branches of an overhanging tree!&mdash;sagaciously adding, "You see I make no
+splash! and hold your rod in this manner!"
+
+<p>George was too much afraid of his imperious father, to point out his
+error, and old V____ consequently stood in the broiling sun for a full
+quarter of an hour, before he discovered that he had caught a birch
+instead of a perch!
+
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><h2>A MUSICAL FESTIVAL.</h2></center>
+<br><br>
+
+<center><a name="Odd27Musical"></a><img alt="Odd27 Musical.jpg (61K)" src="images/Odd27Musical.jpg" height="951" width="577">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>
+Matter-of-fact people read the story of Orpheus, and imagine that his
+"charming rocks" and "soothing savage beasts," is a mere fabulous
+invention. No such thing: it is undoubtedly founded on fact. Nay, we
+could quote a thousand modern instances of the power of music quite as
+astonishing.
+
+<p>One most true and extraordinary occurrence will suffice to establish
+the truth of our proposition beyond a doubt. Molly Scraggs was a cook in
+a first-rate family, in the most aristocratic quarter of the metropolis.
+
+<p>The master and mistress were abroad, and Molly had nothing to do but
+to indulge her thoughts; and, buried as she was in the pleasant gloom and
+quiet of an underground kitchen, nothing could possibly be more
+favourable to their developement. She was moreover exceedingly plump,
+tender, and sentimental, and had had a lover, who had proved false to his
+vows.
+
+<p>In this eligible situation and temper for receiving soft impressions,
+she sat negligently rocking herself in her chair, and polishing the lid
+of a copper saucepan! when the sweet, mellifluous strains of an itinerant
+band struck gently upon the drum of her ear. "Wapping Old Stairs" was
+distinctly recognized, and she mentally repeated the words so applicable
+to her bereaved situation.
+
+<p>"Your Molly has never proved false she declares," 'till the tears
+literally gushed from her "blue, blue orbs," and trickled down her plump
+and ruddy cheeks; but scarcely had she plunged into the very depths of
+the pathos induced by the moving air, which threatened to throw her into
+a gentle swoon, or kicking hysterics, when her spirit was aroused by the
+sudden change of the melancholy ditty, to the rampant and lively tune,
+with the popular burden of, "Turn about and wheel about, and jump Jim
+Crow!"
+
+<p>This certainly excited her feelings; but, strange to say, it made her
+leap from her chair, exasperated, as it were, by the sudden revulsion,
+and rush into the area.
+
+<p>"Don't, for goodness sake, play that horrid 'chune,'" said Molly,
+emphatically addressing the minstrels.
+
+<p>The 'fiddle' immediately put his instrument under his arm, and,
+touching the brim of his napless hat, scraped a sort of bow, and
+smilingly asked the cook to name any other tune she preferred.
+
+<p>"Play us," said she, "'Oh! no, we never mention her,' or summat o'
+that sort; I hate jigs and dances mortally."
+
+<p>"Yes, marm," replied the 'fiddle,' obsequiously; and, whispering the
+'harp' and 'bass,' they played the air to her heart's content.
+
+<p>In fact, if one might guess by the agility with which she ran into the
+kitchen, she was quite melted; and, returning with the remnants of a
+gooseberry pie and the best part of a shoulder of mutton, she handed them
+to the musicians.
+
+<p>"Thanky'e, marm, I'm sure," said the 'bass,' sticking his teeth into
+the pie-crust.
+
+<p>"The mutton 's rayther fat, but it 's sweet, at any rate!"
+
+<p>"Yes, marm," said the 'fiddle;' "it's too fat for your stomach, I'm
+sure, marm;" and consigned it to his green-baize fiddle-case.
+
+<p>"Now," said Molly,&mdash;"play us, 'Drink to me only,' and I'll draw you a
+mug o' table-ale."
+
+<p>"You're vastly kind," said the 'fiddle;' "it's a pleasure to play
+anythink for you, marm, you've sich taste;" and then turning to his
+comrades, he added, with a smile&mdash;"By goles! if she ain't the woppingest
+cretur as ever I set eyes on&mdash;"
+
+<p>The tune required was played, and the promised ale discussed. The
+'bass,' with a feeling of gratitude, voted that they should give a
+parting air unsolicited.
+
+<p>"Vot shall it be?" demanded the 'harp.'
+
+<p>"Vy, considering of her size," replied the 'fiddle,' "I thinks as
+nothink couldn't be more appropriate than:
+
+
+ <center><p>'Farewell to the mountain !'"</center>
+
+
+<p>and, striking up, they played the proposed song, marching on well
+pleased with the unexpected appreciation of their musical talent by the
+kind, and munificent Molly Scraggs!
+
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><h2>THE EATING HOUSE.</h2></center>
+<br><br>
+
+<center><a name="Odd28EatingHouse"></a><img alt="Odd28 Eating House.jpg (78K)" src="images/Odd28EatingHouse.jpg" height="951" width="651">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>
+FROM twelve o'clock until four, the eating houses of the City are crammed
+with hungry clerks.
+
+<p>Bills of fare have not yet been introduced,&mdash;the more's the pity; but,
+in lieu thereof, you are no sooner seated in one of the snug inviting
+little settles, with a table laid for four or six, spread with a snowy
+cloth, still bearing the fresh quadrangular marks impressed by the
+mangle, and rather damp, than the dapper, ubiquitous waiter, napkin in
+hand, stands before you, and rapidly runs over a detailed account of the
+tempting viands all smoking hot, and ready to be served up.
+
+<p>"Beef, boiled and roast; veal and ham; line of pork, roast; leg
+boiled, with pease pudding; cutlets, chops and steaks, greens, taters,
+and pease," etc. etc.
+
+<p>Some are fastidious, and hesitate; the waiter, whose eyes are 'all
+about him,' leaves you to meditate and decide, while he hastens to inform
+a new arrival, and mechanically repeats his catalogue of dainties; and,
+bawling out at the top of his voice, "One roast beaf and one taters," you
+echo his words, and he straightway reports your wishes in the same voice
+and manner to the invisible purveyors below, and ten to one but you get a
+piece of boiled fat to eke out your roast meat.
+
+<p>In some houses, new and stale bread, at discretion, are provided; and
+many a stripling, lean and hungry as a greyhound, with a large appetite
+and a small purse, calls for a small plate, without vegetables, and fills
+up the craving crannies with an immoderate proportion of the staff of
+life, while the reckoning simply stands, "one small plate 6d., one bread
+1d., one waiter 1d.;" and at this economical price satisfies the demands
+of his young appetite.
+
+<p>But still, cheap as this appears, he pays it the aggregate, for there
+are frequently 500 or 600 diners daily at these Establishments; and the
+waiter, who generally purchases his place, and provides glass, cloths,
+etc. not only makes a 'good thing of it,' but frequently accumulates
+sufficient to set up on his own account, in which case, he is almost sure
+of being followed by the regular customers.
+
+<p>For he is universally so obliging, and possesses such a memory, and an
+aptness in discovering the various tastes of his visitors, that he seldom
+fails in making most of the every-day feeders his fast friends.
+
+<p>"Tom, bring me a small plate of boiled beef and potatoes," cries one
+of his regulars. Placing his hand upon the table-cloth; and knocking off
+the crumbs with his napkin, he bends to the gentleman, and in a small.
+confidential voice informs him,
+
+<p>"The beef won't do for you, Sir,&mdash;it's too low, it's bin in cut a
+hour. Fine ribs o' lamb, jist up."
+
+<p>"That will do, Tom," says the gratified customer.
+
+<p>"Grass or spinach, Sir? fine 'grass,'&mdash;first this season."
+
+<p>"Bring it, and quick, Tom," replies the gentleman, pleased with the
+assiduous care he takes in not permitting him to have an indifferent cut
+of a half cold joint.
+
+<p>The most extraordinary part of the business is, the ready manner in
+which he 'casts up' all you have eaten, takes the reckoning, and then is
+off again in a twinkling.
+
+<p>A stranger, and one unaccustomed to feed in public, is recognised in a
+moment by his uneasy movements. He generally slinks into the nearest
+vacant seat, and is evidently taken aback by the apparently abrupt and
+rapid annunciation of the voluble and active waiter, and, in the hurry
+and confusion, very frequently decides upon the dish least pleasant to
+his palate.
+
+<p>A respectable gentleman of the old school, of a mild and reverend
+appearance, and a lean and hungry figure, once dropped into a settle
+where we were discussing a rump steak and a shallot, tender as an infant,
+and fragrant as a flower garden! Tom pounced upon him in a moment, and
+uttered the mystic roll. The worthy senior was evidently confused and
+startled, but necessity so far overcame his diffidence that he softly
+said,
+
+ <center><p>"A small portion of veal and ham, well done."</center>
+
+<p>Tom, whirled round, continuing the application of his eternal napkin
+to a tumbler which he was polishing, bawled out in a stentorian voice,
+
+ <center><p>"Plate o' weal, an' dam well done!"</center>
+
+
+<p>We shall never sponge from the slate of our memory the utter
+astonishment expressed in the bland countenance of the startled old
+gentleman at this peculiar echo of his wishes.
+
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><h2>SCENE X.(b)</h2></center>
+<br><br>
+
+<blockquote><blockquote>
+<p><i>"This is a werry lonely spot, Sir; I wonder you ar'n't afeard of being
+robbed."</i>
+</blockquote></blockquote>
+<br><br>
+
+<center><a name="Scene10bLonelySpot"></a><img alt="Scene10b Lonely Spot.jpg (87K)" src="images/Scene10bLonelySpot.jpg" height="977" width="651">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<center>
+<table summary="">
+<tr><td>
+
+
+<br>JOB Timmins was a tailor bold,
+<br>And well he knew his trade,
+<br>And though he was no fighting man
+<br>Had often dress'd a blade!
+<br>
+<br>Quoth he, one day&mdash;"I have not had
+<br>A holiday for years,
+<br>So I'm resolv'd to go and fish,
+<br>And cut for once the shears."
+<br>
+<br>So donning quick his Sunday's suit,
+<br>He took both rod and line,
+<br>And bait for fish&mdash;and prog for one,
+<br>And eke a flask of wine.
+<br>
+<br>For he was one who loved to live,
+<br>And said&mdash;"Where'er I roam
+<br>I like to feed&mdash;and though abroad,
+<br>To make myself at home."
+<br>
+<br>Beneath a shady grove of trees
+<br>He sat him down to fish,
+<br>And having got a cover, he
+<br>Long'd much to get a dish.
+<br>
+<br>He cast his line, and watch'd his float,
+<br>Slow gliding down the tide;
+<br>He saw it sink! he drew it up,
+<br>And lo! a fish he spied.
+<br>
+<br>He took the struggling gudgeon off,
+<br>And cried&mdash;"I likes his looks,
+<br>I wish he'd live&mdash;but fishes die
+<br>Soon as they're&mdash;off the hooks!"
+<br>
+<br>At last a dozen more he drew&mdash;
+<br>(Fine-drawing 'twas to him!)
+<br>But day past by&mdash;and twilight came,
+<br>All objects soon grew dim.
+<br>
+<br>"One more!" he cried, "and then I'll pack,
+<br>And homeward trot to sup,"&mdash;
+<br>But as he spoke, he heard a tread,
+<br>Which caused him to look up.
+<br>
+<br>Poor Timmins trembled as he gazed
+<br>Upon the stranger's face;
+<br>For cut purse! robber! all too plain,
+<br>His eye could therein trace.
+<br>
+<br>"Them's werry handsome boots o' yourn,"
+<br>The ruffian smiling cried,
+<br>"Jist draw your trotters out&mdash;my pal&mdash;
+<br>And we'll swop tiles, besides."
+<br>
+<br>"That coat too, is a pretty fit&mdash;
+<br>Don't tremble so&mdash;for I
+<br>Von't rob you of a single fish,
+<br>I've other fish to fry."
+<br>
+<br>Poor Timmins was obliged to yield
+<br>Hat, coat, and boots&mdash;in short
+<br>He was completely stripp'd&mdash;and paid
+<br>Most dearly for his "sport."
+<br>
+<br>And as he homeward went, he sigh'd&mdash;
+<br>"Farewell to stream and brook;
+<br>O! yes, they'll catch me there again
+<br>A fishing&mdash;with a hook!"
+
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+</center>
+
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><h2>GONE!</h2></center>
+<br><br>
+
+<center><a name="Odd29Gone"></a><img alt="Odd29 Gone.jpg (77K)" src="images/Odd29Gone.jpg" height="1111" width="643">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<center>
+<table summary="">
+<tr><td>
+
+
+<br>ALONG the banks, at early dawn,
+<br>Trudged Nobbs and Nobbs's son,
+<br>With rod and line, resolved that day
+<br>Great fishes should be won.
+<br>
+<br>At last they came unto a bridge,
+<br>Cried Nobbs, "Oh! this is fine!"
+<br>And feeling sure 'twould answer well,
+<br>He dropp'd the stream a line.
+<br>
+<br>"We cannot find a fitter place,
+<br>If twenty miles we march;
+<br>Its very look has fix'd my choice,
+<br>So knowing and&mdash;so arch!"
+<br>
+<br>He baited and he cast his line,
+<br>When soon, to his delight,
+<br>He saw his float bob up and down,
+<br>And lo! he had a bite!
+<br>
+<br>"A gudgeon, Tom, I think it is!"
+<br>Cried Nobbs, "Here, take the prize;
+<br>It weighs a pound&mdash;in its own scales,
+<br>I'm quite sure by its size."
+<br>
+<br>He cast again his baited hook,
+<br>And drew another up!
+<br>And cried, "We are in luck to-day,
+<br>How glorious we shall sup!"
+<br>
+<br>All in the basket Tommy stow'd
+<br>The piscatory spoil;
+<br>Says Nobbs, "We've netted two at least,
+<br>Albeit we've no toil."
+<br>
+<br>Amazed at his own luck, he threw
+<br>The tempting bait again,
+<br>And presently a nibble had&mdash;
+<br>A bite! he pull'd amain!
+<br>
+<br>His rod beneath the fish's weight
+<br>Now bent just like a bow,
+<br>"What's this?" cried Nobbs; his son replied,
+<br>"A salmon, 'tis, I know."
+<br>
+<br>And sure enough a monstrous perch,
+<br>Of six or seven pounds,
+<br>He from the water drew, whose bulk
+<br>Both dad and son confounds.
+<br>
+<br>"O! Gemini!" he said, when he
+<br>"O! Pisces!" should have cried;
+<br>And tremblingly the wriggling fish
+<br>Haul'd to the bridge's side.
+<br>
+<br>When, lo! just as he stretched his hand
+<br>To grasp the perch's fin,
+<br>The slender line was snapp'd in twain,
+<br>The perch went tumbling in!
+<br>
+<br> "Gone! gone! by gosh!" scream'd Nobbs, while Tom
+<br>Too eager forward bent,
+<br>And, with a kick, their basket quick
+<br>Into the river sent.
+
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+</center>
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><h2>THE PRACTICAL JOKER.&mdash;No. I.</h2></center>
+<br><br>
+
+
+<center><a name="Odd30Joker1"></a><img alt="Odd30 Joker 1.jpg (91K)" src="images/Odd30Joker1.jpg" height="990" width="646">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>Those wags who are so fond of playing off their jokes upon others,
+require great skill and foresight to prevent the laugh being turned
+against themselves.
+
+<p>Jim Smith was an inveterate joker, and his jokes were, for the most
+part, of the practical kind. He had a valuable tortoiseshell cat, whose
+beauty was not only the theme of praise with all the old maids in the
+neighbourhood, but her charms attracted the notice of numerous feline
+gentlemen dwelling in the vicinity, who were, nocturnally, wont to pay
+their devoirs by that species of serenades, known under the cacophonous
+name of caterwauling.
+
+<p>One very ugly Tom, (who, it was whispered abroad, was a
+great-grandfather, and scandalously notorious for gallantries unbecoming a cat
+of his age) was particularly obnoxious to our hero; and, in an unlucky
+moment, he resolved to 'pickle him,' as he facetiously termed it. Now
+his process of pickling consisted in mixing a portion of prussic acid in
+milk. Taking the precaution to call in his own pet and favorite, he
+placed the potion in the accustomed path of her long-whiskered suitor.
+Tom finding the coast clear slipped his furry body over the wall, and
+dropped gently as a lady's glove into the garden, and slily smelling the
+flower-borders, as if he were merely amusing himself in the elegant study
+of botany, stealthily approached the house, and uttering a low plaintive
+'miau,' to attract the attention of his dear Minx, patiently awaited the
+appearance of his true-love.
+
+<p>Minx heard the voice she loved so well, and hurried to meet her
+ancient beau. A slight noise, however, alarmed his timidity, and he
+scaled the wall in a twinkling.
+
+<p>Presently the screams of the maid assured him that 'something had
+taken place;' and when he heard the words, "Oh! the cat! the cat!" he
+felt quite certain that the potion had taken effect. He walked
+deliberately down stairs, and behold! there lay Miss Minx, his own
+favorite, struggling in the agonies of death, on the parlor rug. The
+fact is, he had shut the doors, but forgotten that the window was open,
+and the consequence was, the loss of poor Minx, who had drunk deep of the
+malignant poison designed for her gallant.
+
+<p>This was only one of a thousand tricks that had miscarried.
+
+<p>Having one day ascertained that his acquaintance, Tom Wilkins, was
+gone out 'a-shooting,' he determined to way-lay him on his return.
+
+<p>It was a beautiful moonlight night in the latter end of October.
+Disguising himself in a demoniac mask, a pair of huge wings, and a forked
+tail, he seated himself on a stile in the sportsman's path.
+
+<p>Anon he espied the weary and unconscious Tom approaching, lost in the
+profundity of thought, and though not in love, ruminating on every miss
+he had made in that day's bootless trudge.
+
+<p>He almost, touched the stile before his affrighted gaze encountered
+this 'goblin damned.'
+
+<p>His short crop bristled up, assuming the stiffness of a penetrating
+hair brush.
+
+<p>For an instant his whole frame appeared petrified, and the tide and
+current of his life frozen up in thick-ribbed ice.
+
+<p>Jim Smith, meanwhile, holding out a white packet at arm's length,
+exclaimed in a sepulchral tone,
+
+<p>"D'ye want a pound of magic shot?"
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><h2>THE PRACTICAL JOKER.&mdash;No. II.</h2></center>
+<br><br>
+
+<center><a name="Odd31Joker2"></a><img alt="Odd31 Joker 2.jpg (80K)" src="images/Odd31Joker2.jpg" height="876" width="645">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<p>
+AWFULLY ponderous as the words struck upon the tightened drum of Tom's
+auriculars, they still tended to arouse his fainting spirit.
+
+<p>"Mer-mer-mercy on us!" ejaculated he, and shrank back a pace or two,
+still keeping his dilating optics fixed upon the horrible spectre.
+
+<p>"D'ye want a pound of magic shot?" repeated Jim Smith.
+
+<p>"Mur-mur-der!" screamed Tom; and, mechanically raising his gun for
+action of some kind appeared absolutely necessary to keep life within
+him, he aimed at the Tempter, trembling in every joint.
+
+<p>Jim, who had as usual never calculated upon such a turning of the
+tables, threw off his head&mdash;his assumed one, of course, and, leaping from
+the stile, cried aloud&mdash;
+
+<p>"Oh! Tom, don't shoot&mdash;don't shoot!&mdash;it's only me&mdash;Jim Smith!"
+
+<p>Down dropped the gun from the sportsman's grasp.
+
+<p>"Oh! you fool! you&mdash;you&mdash;considerable fool!" cried he, supporting
+himself on a neighbouring hawthorn, which very kindly and considerately
+lent him an arm on the occasion. "It's a great mercy&mdash;a very great
+mercy, Jim&mdash;as we wasn't both killed!&mdash;another minute, only another
+minute, and&mdash;but it won't bear thinking on."
+
+<p>"Forgive me, Tom," said the penitent joker; "I never was so near a
+corpse afore. If I didn't think the shots were clean through me, and
+that's flat."
+
+<p>"Sich jokes," said Tom, "is onpardonable, and you must be mad."
+
+<p>"I confess I'm out of my head, Tom," said Jim, who was dangling the
+huge mask in his hand, and fast recovering from the effects of his
+fright. "Depend on it, I won't put myself in such a perdicament again,
+Tom. No, no&mdash;no more playing the devil; for, egad! you had liked to have
+played the devil with me."
+
+<p>"A joke's a joke," sagely remarked Tom, picking up his hat and fowling
+piece.
+
+<p>"True!" replied Smith; "but, I think, after all, I had the greatest
+cause for being in a fright. You had the best chance, at any rate; for I
+could not have harmed you, whereas you might have made a riddle of me."
+
+<p>"Stay, there!" answered Tom; "I can tell you, you had as little cause
+for fear as I had, you come to that; for the truth is, the deuce a bit
+of powder or shot either was there in the piece!"
+
+<p>"You don't say so!" said Jim, evidently disappointed and chop-fallen
+at this discovery of his groundless fears. "Well, I only wish I'd known
+it, that's all!"&mdash;then, cogitating inwardly for a minute, he
+continued&mdash;"but, I say, Tom, you won't mention this little fright of yours?"
+
+<p>"No; but I'll mention the great fright&mdash;of Jim Smith&mdash;rely upon it,"
+said Tom, firmly; and he kept his word so faithfully, that the next day
+the whole story was circulated, with many ingenious additions, to the
+great annoyance of the practical joker.
+
+
+
+
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+<center><h2>FISHING FOR WHITING AT MARGATE.</h2></center>
+<br><br>
+
+<blockquote><blockquote>
+<p><i>"Here we go up&mdash;up&mdash;up;</i>
+<br><i>And here we go down&mdash;down&mdash;down."</i>
+</blockquote></blockquote>
+<br><br>
+
+
+<br><br>
+<a name="Odd32Whiting"></a>
+<center>
+<img alt="Odd32 Whiting (89K)" src="images/Odd32Whiting.jpg" height="1039" width="683">
+</center>
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+
+
+<p>"VARIETY," as Cowper says, "is the very spice of life"&mdash;and certainly, at
+Margate, there is enough, in all conscience, to delight the most
+fastidious of pleasure-hunters.
+
+<p>There sailors ply for passengers for a trip in their pleasure boats,
+setting forth all the tempting delights of a fine breeze&mdash;and woe-betide
+the unfortunate cockney who gets in the clutches of a pair of plyers of
+this sort, for he becomes as fixed as if he were actually in a vice,
+frequently making a virtue of necessity, and stepping on board, when he
+had much better stroll on land.
+
+<p>Away he goes, on the wings of the wind, like&mdash;a gull! Should he be a
+knave, it may probably be of infinite service to society, for he is
+likely ever afterwards to forswear craft of any kind!
+
+<p>Donkies too abound, as they do in most watering placesand, oh! what a
+many asses have we seen mounted, trotting along the beach and cliffs!
+
+<p>The insinuating address of the boatmen is, however, irresistible; and
+if they cannot induce you to make a sail to catch the wind, they will set
+forth, in all the glowing colors of a dying dolphin, the pleasurable
+sport of catching fish!
+
+<p>They tell you of a gentleman, who, "the other day, pulled up, in a
+single hour, I don't know how many fish, weighing I don't know how much."
+And thus baited, some unwise gentleman unfortunately nibbles, and he is
+caught. A bargain is struck, 'the boat is on the shore,' the lines and
+hooks are displayed, and the victim steps in, scarcely conscious of what
+he is about, but full well knowing that he is going to sea!
+
+<p>They put out to sea, and casting their baited hooks, the experienced
+fisherman soon pulls up a fine lively whiting.
+
+<p>"Ecod!" exclaims the cockney, with dilated optics, "this is fine&mdash;why
+that 'ere fish is worth a matter of a shilling in London&mdash;Do tell me how
+you cotched him."
+
+<p>"With a hook!" replied the boatman.
+
+<p>"To be sure you did&mdash;but why did'nt he bite mine?"
+
+<p>"'Cause he came t'other side, I s'pose."
+
+<p>"Vell, let me try that side then," cries the tyro, and carefully
+changes his position.&mdash;"Dear me, this here boat o'yourn wobbles about
+rayther, mister."
+
+<p>"Nothing, sir, at all; it's only the motion of the water."
+
+<p>"I don't like it, tho'; I can tell you, it makes me feel all over
+somehow."
+
+<p>"It will go off, sir, in time; there's another," and he pulls in
+another wriggling fish, and casts him at the bottom of the boat. "Well,
+that's plaguey tiresome, any how&mdash;two! and I've cotched nothin' yet&mdash;how
+do you do it?"
+
+<p>"Just so&mdash;throw in your hook, and bide a bit&mdash;and you'll be sure, sir,
+to feel when there's any thing on your hook; don't you feel any thing
+yet?"
+
+<p>"Why, yes, I feels werry unwell!" cries the landsman; and, bringing up
+his hook and bait, requests the good-natured boatman to pull for shore,
+'like vinkin,'&mdash;which request; the obliging fellow immediately complies
+with, having agreeably fished at the expense of his fare; and, landing
+his whitings and the flat, laughs in his sleeve at the qualms of his
+customer.
+
+<p>But there is always an abundant crop of such fools as he, who pretend
+to dabble in a science, in utter ignorance of the elements; while, like
+Jason of old, the wily boatman finds a sheep with a golden fleece,&mdash;
+although his brains are always too much on the alert to be what is
+technically termed&mdash;wool-gathering. Some people are desirous of seeing
+every thing; and many landsmen have yet to learn, that they may see a
+deal, without being a-board!
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+
+
+<br><br><br><br>
+<center><img alt="Inside Papers.jpg (187K)" src="images/InsidePapers.jpg" height="1119" width="646">
+</center>
+<br><br>
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Sketches of Seymour (Illustrated),
+Part 4., by Robert Seymour
+
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+
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