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diff --git a/old/56109-0.txt b/old/56109-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 5542117..0000000 --- a/old/56109-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,2281 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Bringing up the Boy, by Carl Werner - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - -Title: Bringing up the Boy - A Message to Fathers and Mothers from a Boy of Yesterday - Concerning the Men of To-morrow - -Author: Carl Werner - -Release Date: December 3, 2017 [EBook #56109] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BRINGING UP THE BOY *** - - - - -Produced by Donald Cummings and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive/American Libraries.) - - - - - - - - - - Bringing up the Boy - - - - -[Illustration] - - “GIVE HIM THE LIGHT - TELL HIM THE TRUTH - SHOW HIM THE WAY!” - - - - - Bringing up the Boy - - A Message to Fathers and Mothers - from a Boy of Yesterday concerning - the Men of To-morrow - - - By - CARL WERNER - - - [Illustration] - - - New York - Dodd, Mead and Company - 1913 - - - - - Copyright, 1911, by - THE BUTTERICK PUBLISHING COMPANY - - Copyright, 1913, by - DODD, MEAD AND COMPANY - - Published, March, 1913 - - - - - TO - - Mary Morris Werner - - A GOOD MOTHER - WHOSE FINE SYMPATHY, KEEN PERCEPTION, - AND DEVOUT SENSE OF DUTY ARE MOULDING - THE CHARACTER OF - - AN AMERICAN BOY - - THIS VOLUME IS AFFECTIONATELY INSCRIBED - - - - -CONTENTS - - - CHAPTER PAGE - FOREWORD xi - I FROM BABY TO BOY 3 - II THE SIMPLICITY OF DISCIPLINE 17 - III AS THE TWIG IS BENT 33 - IV A TALK AT CHRISTMAS TIME 48 - V THE DYNASTY OF THE DIME NOVEL 63 - VI THE SIN OF SEX SECRECY 77 - VII THE WEED AND THE WINECUP 91 - VIII OUT INTO THE WORLD 104 - - - - - There; my blessing with thee! - And these few precepts in thy memory - See thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue, - Nor any unproportioned thought his act. - Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar. - Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, - Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel; - But do not dull thy palm with entertainment - Of each new-hatch’d, unfledged comrade. Beware - Of entrance to a quarrel, but being in, - Bear’t that the opposed may beware of thee. - Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice; - Take each man’s censure, but reserve thy judgment. - Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy, - But not express’d in fancy; rich, not gaudy; - For the apparel oft proclaims the man. - Neither a borrower nor a lender be; - For loan oft loses both itself and friend, - And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry. - This above all: To thine own self be true, - And it must follow, as the night the day, - Thou canst not then be false to any man. - - --Polonius to his son. - _Hamlet_, Act I, Scene 3. - - - - -FOREWORD - - -A good portion of the material in this volume was printed in serial -form in _The Delineator_, to whose editors and publishers I am deeply -indebted for the sympathy and encouragement that were necessary to -bring my ideas on boy training into the circle of general parenthood. -As a result of the publicity gained through the medium of that -magazine’s wide circulation, many letters were received by the magazine -and by myself; and in this mass of correspondence there was a distinct -note of appeal for the publication of the essays between covers. It was -quite without any knowledge of this demand, however, that the present -publishers, acting independently, became interested in the series, and -decided, after due consideration, to issue it in book form. - -It was surprising that of the many letters received while these -articles were appearing serially, only a small minority of the writers -disagreed with my views, and those few protests were confined to one -or two subjects. So far as could be reasonably expected of one whose -time is much occupied in pursuing a livelihood, I replied to all such -communications. If in some instances I failed, the omission was not -because I was lacking in a keen appreciation of the interest, the -sympathy, the suggestions and the criticisms thus expressed. As to -those who disagreed with me, I would like to repeat here what I have -said to them in personal replies: They may be right, and I wrong. -This much only, I know--That Providence is kind in that He permits -me to retain a distinct picture of the boy’s cosmos; that as a man -and a father I can still see--and feel--from the boy’s viewpoint; and -that, preserving that visuality, I have tried, with the best judgment -and most constant effort of which I am capable, to employ it for the -greatest good. Everything that I have written about boy training is -solidly fixed on this foundation; and everything that I have written -has been or is being employed, to the very letter, in my stewardship -of one who is infinitely more precious to me than life itself--my -own boy. If I have erred, may God forgive me; but on this score my -conscience is as clear as a crystal pool, for so far as human vision -penetrates not one duty has been left undone and not one endeavour has -gone astray. And happily, though I say it with a prayer on my lips and -humility in my heart, every passing year adds its living testimony to -the principles which I advocate and for which I plead. - - C. W. - - - - -Bringing up the Boy - - - - -I - -FROM BABY TO BOY - - -Your son, madam, while passing a vacant house, paused, poised his -arm and deliberately sent a small stone crashing through one of the -windows. Then, turning on his heel, he ran nimbly up the street and -disappeared around the corner. - -You know it occurred, because some one living next to the house saw him -do it and told the owner, and the owner came to you for reparation and -you charged the boy with it and he admitted it to be true. - -You are heartbroken because you find yourself confronted with what -appears to be irrefutable evidence that your son is a bad boy. - -You ask him why he did it. He doesn’t know. You suggest that it might -have been an accident. Being a truthful boy, he replies tearfully that -it was not. You enquire if he had any grievance against the man who -owns the house. He answers that he hadn’t even heard of the owner and -didn’t know who he was. Then--you ask again--why did he do it? You get -the same answer: - -“I don’t know.” - -It certainly looks dubious for your boy, madam, doesn’t it? If at the -tender age of ten years a lad will deliberately “chuck” a stone through -a neighbouring window, with no reason or provocation for it whatsoever, -what may he not be capable of at twenty? The thought is appalling, -isn’t it? - -Happily, however, I think it can be demonstrated to your complete -satisfaction that your son is not bad--so far as this particular -offence is concerned, anyway--and that this stone-throwing business is -a perfectly natural thing for a perfectly normal boy to do. - -To start with, let us suppose that I have placed on your back -fence, side by side, a brick and a bottle. I then hand you a little -target-rifle and invite you to try your skill at shooting. Now, which -will you aim at--the brick or the bottle? - -The bottle, of course. You answer more quickly than I can write it. - -And why the bottle? - -Just think that over a moment, please. Why the bottle? - -Meanwhile, let us go back to the boy and the window. - -The desire to see a physical result from any personal effort is -deep-seated in every human being. Where is the author who does not take -secret and real pleasure in scanning the achievements of his pen in -the public print? Where is the architect who would forego the pleasure -of seeing the finished structure, the lines and masses of which he -has dreamed over and designed? The desire to see the result follow the -endeavour, the effect follow the cause, is strong within us all. - -It may seem a far cry from art and letters to the boy and the broken -window, but the psychologic principle involved is one and the same. -The boy, sauntering along the street or the roadway, has been amusing -himself by throwing stones. He has sent one against the side of a barn -with no effect other than the sound of a hollow thud as it struck the -boards. He has heaved one at a telegraph pole, and the pole didn’t even -quiver. Then he spies the vacant house. - -It is obviously deserted and abandoned. A pane already shattered in one -of the windows starts the idea. It is far enough back from the street -to make the throw a test of skill. If he misses there’s no harm done. -If he hits there’ll be a noise, a crash, a shower of flying glass -and--Enough! Up goes the arm, away goes the stone with fateful accuracy -and the deed is done. It was the act of a sudden impulse. Before the -conscience within him could assert itself the missile had struck; and -that innate human ambition to produce a visible result was gratified. - -The deed is done, and the boy doesn’t know why he did it. But returning -to the hypothesis of the brick and the bottle, perhaps you, madam, can -explain why you would prefer to shoot at the bottle. - -In these talks I want to tell mothers something of what I know about -boys; not all about them, but just a few of the more vital things -that every mother of a boy ought to know and every father ought to be -reminded of. I say “reminded” advisedly, for the fathers must have -known some time, though it would seem that most of them have forgotten -now. What I say I know about boys, I know. What I may suggest or advise -is another matter. It can stand only as a belief, an opinion, and my -sole excuse for presuming to offer it is that I love the boy; I live -close to him and I believe in him. - -I do not believe that the intuitiveness generally accredited to -motherhood is in the least degree overestimated or exaggerated. But -mere intuitiveness, even in its highest form of development, can hardly -be expected to bridge the natural gap of temperamental sex difference -between mother and son. - -Unfortunately, the father, not eager to invade what he believes to -be the mother’s sphere, usually is content to leave the management -of the boy in the mother’s hands, while the mother, not recognising -the deficiency of her position, labours on patiently, lovingly, -untiringly, but in many cases blindly, and often with poor success. -If mothers only understood this it would be better. If they could be -brought to realize the handicap under which they are striving they -could fortify themselves against it. They could deepen the interest -of the father or, failing that, they could at the least draw upon his -experience and knowledge of real boyhood with good effect. But there -are no sex distinctions to the average mother. The boys and the girls -are just “the children” and the difference of sex is lost in the great -catholicity of maternal love. - -At the very beginning parents must concede the existence of an inherent -temperamental difference between the boy and the girl. This, for the -mother, is not so easy of adjustment as it may appear. The boy is her -baby, just her baby, from swaddling-clothes to long trousers. - -The fact is, of course, that the assertion of the sex temperament -starts almost with the beginning of life. For the first four or five -years it is, to be sure, almost a negligible quantity, but after that -the boy needs to be treated as a boy, and not as a sexless baby. - -Put a pair of new red shoes on a little girl’s feet and send her out -among a group of misses shod in black. Then watch her plume herself and -pose at the front gate and mince up and down the avenue, as proud as a -peacock. - -Now, rig up the six-year-old boy in some new and untried kink of -fashion and turn him loose on the highway--and observe what follows. -Note how sheepishly he looks down the street to where his playfellows -are gathered, and see how he edges toward them, faltering and keeping -as close to the fence as he can. Observe how, just as he is trying to -slip into their midst unostentatiously, one of them cries in a shrill -voice: - -“Look who’s here!” and another remarks: - -“Oh, what a shine!” and still another exclaims: - -“Pipe the kelly!” meaning, observe the hat. - -Then perhaps there is the very rude boy who asks whether the “rags” -have been “rassled,” said enquiry being gently emphasised by a push -from behind. In which case the young glass of fashion, having a gloomy -premonition of what may happen to him at home if he returns bearing the -marks of combat, backs discreetly off the firing-line, and retreats -to his own dooryard with as small loss of dignity as the exigency -of the occasion will permit. And he is pretty sure to stick there -the remainder of the afternoon, while occasionally other boys, in -regulation woollens or corduroys, peep at him curiously through the -palings, making him feel like one of those unpronounceable animals that -they keep in cages and lecture about at the zoo. - -Do you think this characteristic of the boy really signifies that he -is “notional”? Do you put it down merely as “finicality”? Then you do -him a great injustice. In the true analysis it is quite the opposite. -It is but one feature of a unique democracy, a splendid democracy that -you will find holding sway wherever boys gather. Oh, this democracy of -boyhood is a wonderful thing! To me it is the régime beautiful. There -is something so inspiring about it! For here, in this quaint domain of -dare-and-do, you see every sturdy little chap, regardless of clothes, -creed or family position, standing on his own merits and judged by his -own deeds. - -Why some mothers persist in Little-Lord-Fauntleroy-ing their boys -within an inch of their lives is to me a profound mystery. Can any -mother enlighten me on the long-curls cruelty? Is it selfish vanity? -Could any mother, for the mere gratification of an egoistic desire, -be so unfeeling as to send her helpless boy out into the scene of -humiliation and actual physical torture of which the boy with the long -curls becomes the pitiable centre as soon as he turns the corner? - -I do not like to think so. Rather would I believe, as in the case of -the broken window, that the mother’s error is chargeable to her never -having been a boy. She has a faulty conception of what it means to be -yanked about by those boy-hated ringlets of gold, to be harassed and -taunted by the inornate but happier hoi polloi. - -I recall one afternoon when I took a youngster of three around to the -barber’s to have him shorn. I returned with the boy in one hand and the -curls in the other. He was magnificently cologned and wanted everybody -to “smell it.” - -The mother was waiting with an empty shoe-box in her lap. She was -sitting by the window, in the soft half-light of the early evening, and -she caressed the golden bronze ringlets before putting them away. And -something glistened in her eye and it fell into the box and was packed -away with the curls. I shouldn’t wonder if it were there yet, for -somehow I can’t help thinking that a tear like that must crystallise -into a tiny pearl and glisten on forever. - -But when this mother looked up at the boy, she was smiling, almost -proudly; and she patted the shiny, round head, and kissed it, cologne -and all, and quoted a verse about having “lost a baby and gained a -man,” declaring that he really looked much better than she had expected. - -And the boy was put to bed and slept coolly and comfortably, and he’s -had a clean scalp and a clear conscience ever since, I guess. - -But here I am, taking up the reader’s precious time talking about -clothes and curls--neither of which mere man is supposed to know -anything about--when all I meant to do was to emphasise the fact that -long before a half-dozen of his birthdays have been celebrated, the boy -must be taken up as an abstract proposition. - -At the age of five, then, let us say, the boy reaches the stage of -recognisable and indisputable masculinity. This is the logical time for -the properly constituted father to take the helm of the son’s destiny. -If he does not do so, through lack of interest, lack of time or lack -of the faculty for it, the mother must needs go on with the struggle. -Her five years of training the baby will not come amiss in training the -boy. But she must now reckon with boyhood as a distinct classification -of childhood. She must remember that from now on, every year, every -month, every day, widens the gap of sex divergence. She will do well -to look at the bearded men who pass her door and consider that every -attribute of masculinity exists, embryonically, in her round-faced baby -boy. - -From now on, if she hopes to appeal to the best that is in him, she -must not only study the boy, but she must study the world from the -boy’s viewpoint. The nearer the mother can get to the boy’s inner -emotions, the more effectively can she direct the trend of his mental, -moral and physical development. Herein lies the secret of getting and -keeping a grip on the boy. - - - - -II - -THE SIMPLICITY OF DISCIPLINE - - -We are living in an epoch of extremists. This morning the suffering -dyspeptic is told that he will find a complete cure in a two weeks’ -fast; this afternoon he is advised that by eating every two hours he -will be forever free from his ills. On the one hand is a sect preaching -that prayer will bring us peace, power and plenty, and on the other -is a schism pleading that supplication, in itself, availeth nothing. -Here we have a group of modern disciplinists teaching that corporal -punishment is a fading relic of barbaric brutality; there we find a -sturdy school of old-timers telling us that if we spare the rod we -shall spoil the child. - -With these extremists who specialise in the stomach or in the soul I -have no quarrel; but coming down to the subject of disciplining the boy -I do want to point out to fathers and mothers seriously and earnestly -that there is a happy medium, a middle course--a neutral and natural -way. - -The moral suasion idea is a fine thing in theory and it would be a -moderately fine thing actually if parents were all moral suasionists, -and if parents and children had nothing else in the world to do but -practise it. By this I mean that if all or most parents were naturally -equipped to rule by moral suasion, and, secondly, if twenty-four hours -of the day could be devoted exclusively to discipline, it would be -undoubtedly a commendable method of child-government. Unfortunately, -such is not the case, and in dealing with the question collectively we -have to take conditions, parents and children as we find them. - -Nearly every parent possesses the faculty of governing to some -extent--greater or less; and all children are capable of responding -to it--but in varying degrees. There is, therefore, no hard and fast -rule that can be laid down for the guidance of all parents, to be -applied successfully to all children. However, by reducing the subject -of this article first to boys, and second to the average boy, I think -we can get the discussion down to a practicable basis. The little -girl is here absolutely eliminated from consideration. I have studied -her assiduously and at close range for a number of years and have -succeeded in establishing this much only; first, that she is almost too -sweetly complex for paternal comprehension, and second, that she is not -amenable to the rules by which we discipline the boy. - -My boy, then, is the average boy, old enough to walk and talk and -understand what is said to him, moderately sensitive, moderately -affectionate, moderately impulsive, moderately perverse, of ordinarily -good health, and possessed of the usual amount of animal spirits. - -Obedience is the foundation stone of the entire structure of -discipline. There is a good deal in discipline besides obedience, but -without obedience there is no discipline. It is not the alpha and -omega, but is a good deal more than the alpha. Discipline is harmony. -Harmony cannot be maintained without perfect obedience, because -obedience is a joint affair, a partnership arrangement between you and -the boy. All other essentials of discipline are _ex parte_. In all -other essentials you are subjective and the boy is objective. You think -and he acts, you direct and he executes, you furnish the plan of living -and he lives it. But it is the _partnership_ in obedience that makes -this possible. Given perfect obedience, the rest is easy, because the -boy’s daily routine is simply a vivification of the principles shaped -by your own matured mind. - -Let me repeat, then, that discipline is simply harmony and harmony -cannot be attained without perfect obedience. Note the adjective, -_perfect_, for this is the obstacle over which we are so prone to -stumble. Obedience must be absolute, complete and infallible. - -How can we attain it? How can we take the child-boy and so mould him -that he will respond to a command instantly and unfailingly? Within -him there is a natural, healthy instinct opposed to it. Within him is -the natural human tendency to think and act independently, to learn by -experiment, to venture unassisted and unrestrained into the unknown. - -Punishment other than corporal will not always do it, because at the -time when this condition must be established the boy’s baby mentality -is not capable of compassing the long distances between cause and -effect. At the early age at which it is necessary to establish perfect -obedience, the moral penalties are too slow in action, too complex -and too much dependent upon local condition to be effective. There -are exceptions, of course. For example: You have a box of sweets and -you tell the boy he may take one. He takes two. As a penalty for -his disobedience you make him return both pieces to the box and you -cast the package into the fire. There you have incorporal punishment -that is instant, direct and effective; but this incident is made to -order and of rare occurrence in fact. Suppose that the boy swallows -the two pieces instantly, or suppose the more usual occurrence that -you have forbidden him to partake of the sweets at all and he has -surreptitiously eaten one. What then? Casting the remainder into the -fire will not impress him at the time because his appetite has been -satisfied, the desire is dulled. You may deprive him of his allowance -on the day following, but the lapse of time dims the relation of the -penalty to the offence. This kind of treatment works well with some of -the minor errors but not with disobedience. The tendency to disobey is -too constant, too persistent and too frequent, and too early in the -boy’s process of development. - -A mother said: “It is not necessary for me to strike my child. I compel -him to sit in a chair for one hour without speaking. He fears that -more than the rod.” Of course, he does, poor little chap! And that -mother did not realise that she was substituting a barbaric torture -for mild punishment. I reverse her reasoning: It is not necessary for -me to so torture my boy. Nor shall I deprive him of his play, of the -outside air, of his supper, of anything that makes for his health and -happiness, nor of any good thing that it is in my power to give him. - -Disobedience calls for a punishment that is short, direct and -impressive. A sharp tap on the palm of a boy’s hand, or on the calf of -his leg--or two or five or ten--is the only kind of penance I know of -that fills the requirements. It is the one short and sure road to an -immediate result. Naturalists tell us that the sense of touch is the -first experienced by a newborn child. It is the first and quickest wire -from the outer world to the brain. Then come hearing and smelling and -seeing and long after these come the moral perceptions, the power of -deduction and the distinction of right and wrong. My experience has -been that this first sense continues to be the live wire until well on -toward the maturity of the child--if the child is a boy. There are many -men, who can undergo the severest mental torture with calm resolution -and fortitude, but who tremble at the sight of a dental chair. Not -long ago I was chatting with a friend, who is a dentist, when a burly -policeman rushed in, plumped himself into the operating-chair and asked -the dentist to ease his aching tooth. The dentist looked at the tooth -and reached for his forceps. “The only way to fix that is to extract -it,” he said. The officer of the law sprang from the chair like a -jack-in-the-box and made for the door, remarking apologetically as he -went out that he couldn’t spare the time. “That man,” said the dentist, -when he had gone, “has a medal for bravery, and three times has been -commended for saving lives at the risk of his own.” - -It is not that the boy fears pain, but that he fears the certainty of -it, he dreads the deliberate, the inevitable punishment, accompanied by -no moral stimulus with which to combat it. I have known my boy to take -a severe beating from another boy in a struggle for the possession of -an apple--and all without shedding a tear. The spat on the hand that -I inflicted was a mere flea-bite to that beating, but because of it I -could leave an apple within reach of his hand indefinitely and, though -he might want it ever so much, he would not touch it if I had forbidden -him. - -So much for the psychology of corporal punishment. Now for the practice -of it. - -While I may have been guilty of many literary offences, a list of -“Don’ts” has not, up to this time, been among them. But as the word -obedience necessarily captions an imposing array of “Don’ts” for the -boy, I think his parents may be better equipped to enforce them by -considering some very important ones applying to themselves. At any -rate, having spoken freely in favour of the use of the rod, it is -vitally important to qualify my advocacy of it in accordance with my -experience and belief. Every one of the qualifications or conditions -that I am about to enumerate is essential to this system of discipline, -so much so that if they were not to be considered as part of it, all -that I have written would go for naught and I would ask to withdraw it -completely. - -Corporal punishment is resorted to for one kind of offence -only--disobedience. Absolutely for no other. - -Corporal punishment consists of a few sharp taps on the palm or calf -with a thin wood ruler. - -The boy is never punished in the presence of a third person, even a -brother or sister. - -Punishment is never administered with the slightest sign of anger or -under excitement. _Any parent incapable of so administering corporal -punishment should not employ it._ - -Punishment must partake of the nature of a simple ceremony rather -than of a torture; it must be regarded as a duty, not as a personal -retaliation. - -Punishment is always prefaced with a simple, brief, but explicit -explanation, like this: “My boy, listen: I love you and I do not -like to hurt you. But, every boy _must_ be made to obey his father -and mother, and this seems to be the only way to make you do it. So -remember! Every time you disobey me you shall be punished. When I tell -you to do a thing, you must do it, instantly; without a moment’s delay. -If you hesitate, if you wait to be told a second time, you will be -punished. When I speak, you must act. Just as sure as you are standing -here before me, this punishment will follow every time you do not do -as you are told.” - -Say no more than that. Drive home the inseparability of the cause and -the consequence; let the idea of instant, infallible obedience be -telegraphed to his brain simultaneously with the sting of the ruler. - -Have no fear that this form of chastisement will break your boy’s -spirit or will weaken the bond of love between him and yourself. Both -will be strengthened by it. For one punishment inflicted, there are -hundreds of kind words and deeds to prove your affection. - -No child should be punished corporally other than as I have described. - -To strike him in the face, to strike him at all with the hand or fist -is brutal, and brutality is not only sinful but ineffective. Corporal -punishment inflicted impulsively is dangerous because it lacks the -earmarks of good intent. - -Above all, remember this: That the kind of corporal punishment which I -employ is effective, first because it is the only kind the child knows, -and in no other way does he feel the weight of a corrective hand; and -second, because _it never fails to follow the deed_. - -To waver is unfair to the child. Yesterday he was punished. To-day he -commits the same infraction and is not punished. Here is inconsistency -and the boy is confused. If it were not deserved to-day, he reasons, it -was undeserved yesterday; therefore, he is aggrieved. Every time you -miss the atonement you lose a link, and the chain of your discipline is -broken. - -This is the chief error of parent disciplinarians. We fail to grasp -the all-important truth that the unfailing application of corporal -punishment is the very thing that can render punishment of any kind -unnecessary. Many a boy is punished a hundred times where but a few -would have sufficed had the penalty been exacted consistently and -unfailingly. The right kind of discipline neither spoils the child nor -spoils the rod. It spares both. It is like good dentistry. Every moment -of hurt saves years of suffering in later life. And good painless -discipline is as rare as good painless dentistry. - -Further than this I have but little to say about discipline, for, -once you have achieved infallible obedience, you are bound to achieve -perfect discipline. The two words are synonyms in effect. No mother can -hope for the best results if she seeks to train her boy as she would -arrange her hair--to please her vanity--or as she would plan a shopping -tour--to suit her convenience. Self must be submerged and the child’s -future kept uppermost. For discipline is a mother’s duty to her boy. -If she falters in it the boy will suffer. And every penalty that the -unwatched boy escapes through a parent’s frailty, he will have to pay, -many fold, in the future years. - - - - -III - -AS THE TWIG IS BENT - - -You hear the sound of sobbing in the distance, and as it draws nearer -and grows more distinct you recognise the voice. A moment later the -door flies open and there stands your boy, crying as though his -heart would break. Little rivulets of tears are trickling down his -dust-covered cheeks, and on the side of his face is the mark of a cruel -blow. - -Between sobs he tells you that the boy across the street did it. Why? -He doesn’t know why; he wasn’t doing anything at all, “jes’ playin’ -around.” - -You wipe the tears away and kiss the hurt, and as you note the -quivering lip and the angry bruise, a wave of indignation swells within -you. Glancing out through the window you see the boy across the -street, cavorting triumphantly on the curb. How much bigger and coarser -and rougher than your boy he appears--isn’t it always so? Your little -chap has come to you partly for sympathy, but mainly for retaliation. -He shows you his wound and points to the boy who did it. He has been -hurt, he has been grievously wronged, and he has come to you whom he -has learned to look upon as his one never-failing protector and friend. -You spring to your feet, fired with an overwhelming desire to rush into -the street and avenge the wrong that has been done your child. - -Madam, one moment! Don’t do it. The retaliation you contemplate may -be justice so far as the tormentor across the street is concerned, -but it is a rank injustice to your own boy. I want to tell you on the -authority of an ex-boy that if you would serve your son best, you will -not interfere. - -None but a mother knows the trials and heartaches of the fighting -period in a boy’s life; and none but a father realises what an -important part that period plays in the shaping of the boy’s career. -The period runs approximately from the ages of five to ten. Prior to -that the child is too young to indulge in it, and subsequently he is -too old to tell about it. In the interim these affairs of the street -are of daily occurrence and are to the mother a source of annoyance as -mysterious as they are harrowing. - -The right way to deal with this problem may not be the easiest way -but it is the simplest, and it is the best for the boy. It is to let -him alone. It is to teach him from the very beginning that outside of -his own dooryard he must protect himself with his own hands. Have a -distinct understanding that if he gets himself into a fight, he must -get himself out of it. Tell him that by helping him you would only make -more trouble for him because he would get to be known as a coward, and -all the boys would annoy him more than before. - -I went further than this with my boy. I told him that I did not approve -of fighting, but that if he were forced into it, I would expect him to -hit out hard and fast and defend himself blow for blow. I provided him -with a punching-bag and a set of boxing-gloves and I showed him how to -use them. He was just five when I established this rule and in one year -it proved itself. - -At six we started him off to school, and a few days later he came home -one afternoon with a discoloured eye. - -But there was no tear in it. He threw his books in a corner and ran, -whistling, out to play. At dinner that evening my curiosity got the -better of me, but I assumed indifference. - -“Where did you get the eye, old chap?” I asked casually. - -He looked up sheepishly, smiled and pushed his cup toward me. - -“Some more milk, if you please, father,” he said. The fighting problem -had been solved forever. - -The mother who coddles her boy shows him a double unkindness. She -not only increases his boyhood miseries, through making him the -particular target of other boys, but she retards the development of his -self-reliance and his manliness. - -I give the _affaire d’honneur_ an important place in this chapter -because it is one of the things about boys that mothers often -misunderstand and quite generally undervalue. - -Of course, the cardinal precept which should form the foundation of -the character structure is--Truth. Combine in him manliness and -truthfulness, and the other essential traits of good character will -spring from these two like shoots from the trunk of a healthy tree. -Truth-telling should be made a matter of habit with the boy. Have you -not among your acquaintances men, women and children who are habitual -prevaricators, people who make misstatements continuously, absolutely -without purpose and without malice? Lying has become a habit with them. -By the same token truth-telling can be and should be so instilled in -the boy as to become automatic. He should never be punished for a -falsehood as you might punish him for disobedience. The problem of -disobedience, which I discussed in a foregoing chapter, is a matter of -psychology from beginning to end. Truth-telling becomes so in the end -but is a matter of morals at the beginning. It can be formed into a -fixed habit by treating it morally and by keeping everlastingly at it -until the result is achieved. You cannot beat a boy into hating a lie, -but you can shame him into it. - -It is natural for a very young boy to seek to evade responsibility for -an offence by disclaiming it. The first time he does this he must be -made to know that, however serious the offence may be, it is as nothing -compared to the lie that he seeks to cover. I did not go so far as to -promise my boy immunity for infractions that he frankly confessed; -but I did make it a rule unto myself that he should never suffer -through confession, and I did invariably commend him, in the highest -terms, when he told the truth under conditions that made it peculiarly -praiseworthy. An example: I find my inkstand tipped over and a great -black stain upon the carpet. I summon the boy and ask him sternly: -“Who did that?” My manner is threatening. The offence is grave. He is -thoroughly frightened, but after a moment he answers, falteringly, “I -did.” Instantly my attitude changes from admonitive to commendatory. -I say to him: “This is an awful thing that you have done. The carpet -is spoiled. The stain will always be there. Nothing can remove it. But -you have told the truth and that is the finest thing that a boy can do. -As bad as this is, I would rather you would do it a hundred times than -tell one lie.” - -If, on the other hand, he falsifies, I grieve before him. I tell him -that nothing that a boy can do is as bad as a falsehood: that a lie -is the very meanest and lowest thing in the world. I tell him that I -fully forgive him for spilling the ink, but it is almost impossible to -forgive him for that lie. I leave him to meditate upon it. - -I never allow an untruth to pass without bringing a blush of shame to -the boy’s cheek. I never let a lie show itself without holding it up as -a thing to be despised. The boy first gets to fear a falsehood, then to -despise it--and finally to forget it. And by forgetting I mean that it -passes beyond the pale of things considerable. Truth has become a fixed -habit. - -Having accomplished this, you have given your boy a solid foundation -upon which to rear the structure of good character. - -I believe in sending the boy to the church. Regardless of the parents’ -attitude toward religion, I believe it is their duty to give the -boy the benefit of a church environment while he is still a boy. -Irrespective of sect or creed, he is sure to absorb some good in an -atmosphere of divine worship. In later years he may depart from the -precepts there learned, but the early teachings and associations of the -church or the Sunday school will leave their influence in some degree, -and whether it is much or little, it will never be for anything but -good. - -I give my boy the Bible to study and the Golden Rule to live by. I -teach him to speak or think deprecatingly of no religious faith, and -show him that all are working for the betterment of man. - -From his infancy I guard him from superstition and discourage the fear -of fancied dangers. I do not believe it is necessary for a boy, at any -age, to fear the dark. Mine never did. Fear of the dark is born of -suggestion, and he has been successfully guarded from any word that -would couple darkness with danger. Throughout his entire childhood he -never sensed the usual terrors of the unlighted room and the darkened -passage. I would never confirm even the Santa Claus myth, though I did -not dissuade him from it, because I well remember the added joy it -brought to me when I was a boy. When the question was put to me I said: -“I shall not tell you because the mystery of Christmas adds much to -your enjoyment of it. Believe it or not, as you choose; I have nothing -to say.” With this pleasant exception he has never asked me a question -that I have not answered truthfully and as completely as I could. - -I live close to my boy, and by so doing I find his level and see his -narrowed horizon as he sees it. When he was only six we lived together -in the woods, slept under the same blanket, fished and sailed and took -our daily swim together. Beginning at that early age we have sat by the -campfire at night and talked of the stars and the moon and the strange -noises of the wood. Nowhere can you get as close to your boy as you can -out under the sky with only Nature about you. It would be a splendid -thing if every father could devote a few weeks each year to “roughing -it” with his boy. Besides the opportunities it offers for community of -thought, it brings out a phase of the boy’s character that under other -conditions might never come to the surface. I recall one evening, as -the boy and I were lolling on the bank of a river, how he astonished -me by exclaiming: “See! What a beautiful sunset!” He had seen the sun -go down many times over the housetops of the town, but it needed the -solitude of that particular place and time to give him an appreciation -of its beauties. Unexpectedly there was disclosed to me an æsthetic -side of his nature that I had never known. - -These are opportunities that open peculiarly to the father, and he -should take advantage of them. - -I believe that every boy should be encouraged to acquire a college -education and that he should be made to pay for it. We hear a good -deal of talk nowadays about the lack of real advantage that the college -man has over the other fellow. Thousands of college men fail in their -struggles with the work-a-day world, and often you find a degree man -working in a subordinate capacity to a man of his own age who missed -a college education. It is a fact, too, that the honour men of our -colleges rarely distinguish themselves in their chosen professions. -But none of these things prove anything, because the personal equation -has to be reckoned in. I believe that the young man who takes his -college course and takes it seriously is better fitted for the work -of life than he would otherwise have been. The unschooled man who -succeeds would have succeeded with more ease and to a higher standard -had he been schooled. The college man who fails would have failed more -miserably had he been untrained. I believe that failure of an educated -man is in spite of his education, and not because of it. - -If you want to make sure that your boy is going to use his college -education to the best advantage, let him pay his way. The failures that -our institutions of learning turn out are not the men who work their -way through; they are the sons of the affluent, the little brothers -of the rich. The boy who drives the hay-rake or works behind the -counter of his father’s store in vacation time is rarely found among -the derelicts. Let the boy share the cost with you, and you need have -no fear that either the time or money spent for education will go for -naught. - -From the first time that he trots over to the candy store with his -penny, the boy should be trained to know the intrinsic value of money. -Encourage him in moderate frugality, not because the accumulation of -money is a desideratum, but because profligacy is bad for the morals. - -Whether it is the mother or the father who takes especial charge of -the boy, or both, they should aim steadfastly to have his complete -confidence always. He should be made to feel that they are not only -dearer to him, but nearer to him than any one else in the world. - -If a condition of implicit confidence can be established between you -and the boy, you can depend upon him to be receptive of the good which -you seek to charge him with. - -Then, with truth as his anchor, no storm of the outer world can sweep -him beyond the influence of home. The bulwark of the good character -that you have builded will stand throughout his lifetime. - - - - -IV - -A TALK AT CHRISTMAS TIME - - -On a Christmas Eve some thirty-odd years ago a very small boy, guarded -on either side by sisters older than himself, knelt at the low sill of -his bedroom window and looked wonderingly out into the night. Above was -the sky, studded with twinkling stars. Below was a soft, silent blanket -of white--the unsullied snow of a northern winter. Everything was very -still. - -The boy looked first at the sky. Being of the baby age when the -children of the wise are put to bed with the sun, the night sky was -more mystic than the snow. There were so many of those stars, and -they appeared to be twinkling at him with cheerful friendliness. One -attracted him particularly. It did not twinkle and was not so merry as -the others, but it was larger and shone with a bright, steady glow. It -seemed to be reaching down toward the boy as though it would speak to -him. - -He recalled the story that had been told him only the day before, the -story of the first Christmas and of three wise men who had been guided -to the manger wherein lay the infant Christ; and the thought came to -him that this, perhaps, was the star that led them. The suggestion of -the manger brought the boy’s eyes downward to the snow-topped stable -opposite his window; and from the stable he turned to the white-roofed -houses with their chimneys still smoking from the evening fires. He -wondered if Santa Claus would have to wait till all the fires were out -before he could make his rounds. - -How white everything was and how still! A sense of delicious mystery -crept over him. He heard the sound of distant sleigh-bells. They drew -nearer and jingled more tunefully. One of his guardians caught his hand -in hers and held up a warning finger. They listened. - -“Quick! Maybe it’s Santa Claus!” whispered the guardians in unison; and -the three scampered to their beds and disappeared beneath the blankets. -Five minutes later the little boy was fast asleep. - -The little boy was myself, and the incident is the first Christmas that -I can recall. I recount it because it seems to illustrate the natural -coalescence of the mythical idea with the historical idea of the great -world holiday. - -Too often, I think, the real significance of our holidays is lost -in the merriment of celebrating them. Every child is entitled to a -thorough explanation and a lasting impression of the incident which -Christmas commemorates. In shaping the Christmas idea in the boy’s mind -we should begin at the beginning. If the story of the Star of Bethlehem -is told in the right way and at the right time, it may be depended upon -to survive the myths and the merry-making with which the atmosphere is -charged during the festal period. - -And this need not militate against the development of the Santa Claus -side of the celebration, for the one amplifies the other. Unselfish -giving is the keynote to both, and the child-mind easily comprehends -the application of the modern custom to the ancient story. - -In the bringing up of my boy I have been a stickler for truth. Absolute -confidence between father and son, mother and child, has been my -plea and my practice, always. Yet, while not going out of my way to -encourage the Santa Claus myth, I have most cheerfully tolerated it. -It is the one mystery of childhood that I do not explain, and my reason -for excepting it from the calendar of candour is that the end justifies -the means. - -I would not rob the boy of a fiction that has not one harmful -possibility, and that brings so much gladness into the home, and into -his heart. I would not deny him a kind of pleasure that added so much -to the joy of my own childhood. But, and paramount to every other -consideration, the great unassailable justification of the Santa Claus -myth is the remarkable lesson it teaches. - -With reasonable reservations for the unusual I may say that never, -after the Santa Claus age, does a man or a woman either practise or -experience that remarkable unselfishness of the parents who conceal -their bounteousness behind a fiction. After childhood we continue to -give and take. We give to our brothers and sisters, to our parents and -to all whom we love. It is our pleasure to add to their happiness; but -it is also our pleasure to feel that they know it is we who have so -contributed to their enjoyment. - -Not so in Santa Claus land. There, and there only, is found the -absolute submergence of self, the sincerely impersonal benefaction. As -a child, coming down to the dazzling Christmas tree, I said: “How good -is Santa Claus!” But in after years when I began to realise that every -one of those trees of joy had come from my good father, who had tramped -out into the woods to cut them and had hauled them over the hills for -miles, sometimes through a blinding blizzard,--then I said: “How great -is a parent’s love!” - -When the boy arrives at the age of serious reasoning, say six or seven, -and asks me point-blank if there is really a Santa Claus, I meet the -question fairly. I simply decline to answer and give him my reason for -so doing. I explain to him that half the fun of the holiday lies in -the mystery surrounding St. Nicholas. I tell him, good-humouredly but -positively, that he must solve the Santa Claus problem himself. - -By taking this position I keep square with the boy, and at the same -time he is not disillusionised, for he is as willing to cling to the -romance as I am to have him--and more so. - -The custom, particularly prevalent in the large cities, of conducting -the boy through the toy department of the stores when the big holiday -stocks are on display, is to be deplored. The lavish exhibitions -paraded before his eyes cannot fail to dull his appreciation of the -home Christmas. - -In arranging my boy’s Christmas I strive for simplicity. It was -Nerissa, I think, in the “Merchant of Venice,” who said: “They are as -sick who surfeit with too much, as they that starve with nothing.” The -rich--sometimes--pity the poor at Christmas. - -This is well, for pity looses a purse-string occasionally, and Heaven -knows there are enough tight ones! But the fact is, that the children -of the moderately poor often get more real joy to a square inch of a -Christmas morning than many a little brother of the rich. There can be -no great pleasure in receiving when there has been no genuine longing. -Only the child who has known want can fully relish realisation. - -A few modest gifts, judiciously selected, are more permanently -satisfying than a lavish display, indiscriminately gathered. I always -try to supply my boy with one thing that he most desires, or with a -fair compromise between it and what I can afford to buy. If I can -meet his anticipations fully in this one gift I do so; but it must be -something of a substantial and permanent nature. After which, if my -purse permits, I amplify this with a few things of lesser cost and more -trivial in character. - -And here let me record a protest against that modern unnecessary, -the perfected toy. By the perfected toy I mean the toy that is not -a plaything, but an ingenious contrivance so perfected mechanically -that it leaves nothing for the child to do. I protest against the toy -that leaves absolutely nothing to either the fancy or the ingenuity -of the boy. The imaginative faculty of a child is constantly reaching -out for something upon which it may feed and develop. This propensity -is stifled by the perfected toy. The railroad outfit that goes into -complete operation at the turn of a lever; the doll that walks and -talks and has an elaborate trousseau; the soldier equipments that fit a -boy out in military style from head to toe--these and all like them are -praiseworthy examples of the commercial instinct of the toymakers; but -they do not meet the requirements of the child. - -And if the juvenile mind were capable of self-analysis it would reject -them. I learned this first from a little girl of three years. She had -been deluged with presents that Christmas morning; but before an hour -had passed she had looked them all over, and we found her curled up in -an armchair, playing with a clothes-pin and an empty baking-powder can! -Hers was the happiness found only in the land of Make-Believe. - -Instead of giving my boy a soldier outfit, I would give him a -pocket-knife--assuming that he is old enough to wield one. Having a -new knife, he is ambitious to use it, and he fashions a sword out of -a stick of pine. The sword suggests playing soldier, and he proceeds -to make a peaked hat out of a newspaper; a skate-strap answers for a -belt, and he makes a pair of epaulets from a scrap of tin-foil. In this -way the boy is duly benefited: in creating these things his ingenuity -is drawn upon, and, in supplying things that he cannot make, his -imagination is exercised. - -One can hardly begin too early to teach the child the pleasure of -giving. A few pennies taken by him from his own little bank, and an -excursion to a neighbouring store, will initiate the idea. A mere -trinket for each member of the household will serve the purpose and put -him on the right track. But we must go further than the family circle -with the Christmas idea. We must show the boy that while charity begins -at home, it does not end there. - -One day shortly before Christmas, I took the boy to the closet where -his discarded toys were kept, and I said: - -“There are millions of children in the world, and there are not always -toys enough to go around. If you will tell me which of these things -you do not play with any more, I will see that they are distributed -on Christmas Day among little boys and girls who otherwise would get -nothing.” - -He looked the things over carefully, and said finally that there was -nothing that he would like to give away. I did not urge the matter; but -the next day I invited him to take a ride with me on the street-car. -Alighting at City Hall Park, we walked down the Bowery. Arriving at -Pell Street, I found Chuck Connors sunning himself on the corner. - -“Chuck,” I said, “I have a dollar in my pocket that isn’t busy, and I -want you to take me to some one who needs it more than you or me.” - -So off we trudged, Chuck and I, and the boy between. A few blocks -farther down we turned toward the river. It was familiar ground to -Chuck and me--but the boy’s eyes were opened to a new world. He saw the -misery of the slums. He passed a boy of his own age, barefooted--in -December--staggering under a load of scrap-wood that would have -troubled a man to bear. He saw a little girl, half clad, shivering -behind an ash-can, trying to hide herself from her drunken father, -who leered at the waif from a hallway across the street. Pushing on -into the very heart of that pitiable section, through poverty, want -and wretchedness, the boy went with us through a miserable tenement, -wherein the spectre of Starvation stalked through the sordid halls and -snarled at my dollar bill. - -On the car, homeward bound, the boy tugged at my elbow. - -“Father,” he said, “besides what’s in the closet, they’s a lot of other -things I don’t play with any more.” - -Ever since then we have had an annual house-cleaning about a week -before Christmas, and the Salvation Army wagon carries away a goodly -load. Indeed, the event has come to be regarded as quite a festal -occasion. - -As the years go on and the boy begins to leave playland behind, I would -not hurry him into the realism of the grown-up’s Yuletide. Let the -charm of mystery, of certainty, of anticipation, linger as long as it -will. - -Perhaps last year you thought it was a bit incongruous when you found -yourself slipping a safety razor into a gaily-hued sock, size ten, -dangling in the chimney-corner. And perhaps you have decided that he -is too big for that sort of thing now, and that you will let it go by -default this Christmas. Maybe you are about to tell him so. - -My friend, defer it. - -Stick right on in the old way as long as you can get the boy to stick -with you; for, once you have severed the ties of the Christmas of his -childhood, you will have cut the tinsel thread that links your son to -the only fairyland he will ever know. - - - - -V - -THE DYNASTY OF THE DIME NOVEL - - -My neighbour ran in at the basement door as was his wont. Coming -lightly up the stairs he entered the library, and not finding me there, -but hearing a voice beyond, he walked across the room and looked in at -the open doorway of my den, where he stood for a moment, unobserved. - -This is what he saw: - -The boy, then scarcely nine, stretched out comfortably on a sofa, -reading aloud; I reclining in an easy-chair with my slippered feet in -another, and listening intently; a bright light shining over the boy’s -shoulder and flooding the room. - -My neighbour paused long enough to hear these words fall from the -reader’s lips in boyish monotone: - -“The crack of a Winchester sounded on the night air and the engineer -fell dead!” - -Then he interrupted. - -“Well, in the name of reason,” he said, “what are you folks reading?” - -The boy and I looked up. I took the book from the youngster’s hand and -passed it up to the intruder. - -“The life and adventures of Jesse James,” I said. - -My neighbour took the book gingerly, read the title and glanced -at the cover, upon which were pictured in vivid colours three -desperate-looking gentlemen in black masks, holding up a train. - -“And you are reading this--together?” he asked. - -“Yes,” said I; “taking turns at it, he a chapter and I a chapter.” - -My neighbour shrugged his shoulders and returned the volume, dusting -his fingers. - -“Don’t you think he would get to this sort of stuff soon -enough--without you helping him?” - -“He arrived there to-day,” I said; “and I’m there with him.” - -There you have it--the great difference of viewpoint: my neighbour -looking at it from where he stands and I looking at it from the -standpoint of my boy. My neighbour convinced that I was starting my -beloved son on the highroad to a criminal career; I calm and confident, -and cocksure that I am doing what is best for the boy. And I guess if -we were to take the vote of Parenthood on the issue, my side would go -down to overwhelming defeat. - -Now, my father says that up to the time he departed from the parental -roof there were only two books in the home that he was permitted to -read--the Bible and Foxe’s “Martyrs.” From his tenth to his seventeenth -year he was actually starving, he said, for the want of stories of -adventure. Once, when he was fourteen, a departing visitor left a copy -of “Scottish Chiefs.” This he seized upon and was devouring it in the -attic when discovery by his stern pater cut him off in the middle of -a most exciting battle. The book was confiscated and he was soundly -chastised. “And do you know,” adds my father ruefully, “it was three -years before I learned how that fight came out!” - -Perhaps that’s why he gave me a freer hand in my selections when I was -a kid. He did, anyway. All that he required was that it must be free -from any suggestion of the obscene and of sacrilege. Like most boys I -began my independent reading with “Grimm’s Fairy Tales,” “Robinson -Crusoe,” “Swiss Family Robinson,” “Arabian Nights” and books of the -sort that boys usually receive as gifts. From these I jumped to the -nickel and dime variety. There were one or two good juvenile magazines -coming into the home, but they were not sufficient. I waded through all -the “Smart Aleck” books, including “Peck’s Bad Boy.” I took the thrills -with the ten-cent detective heroes of the Old Sleuth and Nick Carter -type, and revelled in the more or less historical exploits of David -Crockett, Kit Carson, Daniel Boone and Buffalo Bill. - -At fourteen I had run the gamut of cheap literature. I do not mean -that I read every “penny-dreadful” in existence, for the list is -endless--there is a new one every day. But I had “got my skin full” and -the stuff began to pall. After reading a good number of these books, -even a boy feels their want of the convincing quality. He feels, too, -their sameness and their unrealness. - -Then I approached the modern style and the truer type of boy books, -stories of the Alger, Oliver Optic and G. A. Henty kind; and then -the better type of adventure stories, such as “Treasure Island” and -“King Solomon’s Mines.” Then I drifted into Wilkie Collins’ creations, -reading only the more exciting ones--“The Moonstone” and “The Dead -Alive.” After that came Edgar Allan Poe and Charles Reade; and before -I was sixteen I had got into Scott, Thackeray and Dickens. And here I -anchored. Since then, of course, I have voyaged far and wide in all -directions, but Dickens is my snug harbour, and will be to the end. No -boy could revel--shall I say wallow?--in trashy literature more than -I did; but search as I will, I cannot see where it left a trace of an -influence on my conduct or my character. I do not think it was owing -to any want of physical courage; because I know that I did my share -of fighting and took as many beatings with a dry eye as the others; a -little more of both, in fact, than it would become me to boast about. -But I never robbed a bank or had any desire to; I never craved the -career of a detective keenly enough to try my hand at it, and while at -one time I did yearn for a chance to battle single-handed with a band -of Sioux warriors, the desire never led me into more dangerous quarters -than a seat at the Wild West Show. Was I different from other boys? My -mother says certainly I was, and very much better. God bless her! My -father says I was about like the rest. My teacher--he is a prominent -member of the New York bar now, and I put the question to him squarely -just the other day--tells me frankly that I was the worst boy in -school. The three estimates, averaged, would make me an average boy, -and I think my experience as to the effect of reading material was -about the usual experience of boys in general. - -They pass through the age of blood-and-thunder literature just as they -have mumps, measles and marbles, and are none the better and but little -the worse for having gone through it. As water finds its level, so the -temperament eventually finds its affinity in reading matter. - -“There is no book so bad,” said the elder Pliny, “but that some good -might be got out of it.” - -I know that some boys who read cheap literature go to the bad. But I -have never seen it established that the reading was responsible for the -waywardness. I do not deny that, granting the existence of a tendency -toward a life of crime, certain types of stories might encourage -the tendency. But the influence of this stuff is so slight that the -avoidance of it would not prevent the downward step. - -Many a boy, fascinated by the glamour of the circus, has run away with -one. Still, this does not make the circus reprehensible nor would I, -because of that circumstance, deny my boy the pleasure of attending it. -On the contrary, I go with him to the circus and sit beside him. We -munch peanuts joyously, but I warn him to beware of the red lemonade -and tell him why it is sometimes unwholesome. He sees the show from -start to finish--under my direction. And when he has seen it I reveal -to him the reverse side of the picture--I give him a peep behind the -scenes. I tell him of the hardships and privations of a showman’s life, -the long night rides, the harsh discipline, the perils and dangers of -it. - -This is exactly my attitude toward the boy’s early reading. I do not -throw wide open the doors of the paper-cover library and push him into -it. But if he shows a desire to explore it, I go with him. Wherever I -can save him time and eyestrain by a friendly suggestion, I am there to -make it. When I find him reading “Cut-Throat Charley, the Terror of the -Spanish Main,” I do not pooh-pooh the book or make sport of the boy. -I do tell him that the best pirate story ever written is Stevenson’s -“Treasure Island” and tell him that if he wants a shipwreck story that -will make his hair stand up he ought to read Poe’s “Arthur Gordon Pym” -or Reade’s “Foul Play.” Once he has read either of these, you may -depend upon it that “Cut-Throat Charley” will never ring true. - -When he takes up Mr. Nicholas Carter I suggest “The Mystery of the Rue -Morgue,” “Les Misérables” and “Sherlock Holmes,” and other detective -stories of the better class. - -My boy had been learning from other boys something of the exploits -of Jesse James and asked me if I would get the book. I agreed to it, -readily. Somewhat to my surprise I found that since my time the list -of James books had been increased to thirty-six. Thirty-five of these -were “pot-boilers”; “Jesse James’ Nemesis,” “Jesse James’ Revenge,” -“Jesse James’ Long Chance,” “Jesse James’ Mistake,” and so on. I passed -these over, of course, and invested fifteen cents in “The James Boys, -Jesse and Frank,” which was the book I had read when I was a youngster. -It was a plain record of the men’s exploits, compiled from newspaper -clippings of that period. I explained to the boy that the others were -largely imaginative--unreal. We read the book together. Then we read -the story of Cole Younger and his brothers and later that of the -criminal career of Harry Tracy, the infamous outlaw of the Northwest. -Together we enjoyed the romance, such as there was, of their exploits; -together we discussed the animal courage and moral cowardice of their -careers; and together we followed them to the punishment which they so -richly deserved. - -Had my boy evinced a desire to read the remaining thirty-five James -books, I would not have restrained him, farther than to suggest a -change. It so happened that when he had finished the three books -mentioned he had had enough of these distinguished gentlemen and their -ilk, and began casting about in other directions. - -So my message on the reading subject is, don’t think that the boy’s -craving for the nickel library is an indication of depravity, or that -indulgence in it will start him on the road to perdition. The appetite -for these books is a normal one. It develops at a time when his -appreciation of romance is in full bloom but while big words, subtle -phrasing and genuine ingenuity are not yet within his comprehension. -It demands quick action and quick results, stripped of the artistic -setting and higher polish which are demanded by the refinement of -matured intellect. - -Do not regard this kind of reading as a menace to the boy’s morals, -but as a stepping-stone to something better and more beneficial. Do -not, either by rule or ridicule, drive the boy from his home to seek -it, but stay with him and guide him through it. Keep him well supplied -with good books and good magazines that approach, as nearly as you can -judge, the requirement of his fancy. Watch him, but do not worry him. -Have the better things at hand and accessible and point the way to -them. Rest assured that in due time Cut-Throat Charley will have lost -his charm, and a hero more worthy of emulation will stand in his shoes. - - - - -VI - -THE SIN OF SEX SECRECY - - -Let us suppose that our country has become involved in a war. At the -edge of your town a battle rages. You can hear the roar of cannon and -clash of steel as columns of men fall in their blood, cut down by the -flashing sabres and flying canister. Re-enforcements are hurrying -to the scene. Up the street comes a regiment of soldiers with flags -waving, drums beating and arms gleaming in the sunshine. Your son, your -boy, standing in the doorway, laughs and cheers as they approach. The -band strikes up a lively air. The boy beats time with his feet, starts, -hesitates and then, with a wave of his cap, falls in line with the gay -procession and marches joyously toward the scene of death and carnage. - -Madam, at such a moment what would you do? Would you sit calmly at your -window and see him go innocently, blindly on to the danger that you -knew lay just beyond the turn of the road? - -Would you not fly to his side and draw him back and hold him tight in -your arms? And if he were big and strong and insistent, though still -your boy, would you not at least tell him that war is not all music and -drum-beats and bright uniforms? Would you not warn him of its dangers, -of its horrors? If he must go and you could not hold him, would you let -him go unwarned of its realities--and unarmed? - -Well, there is a war in progress--in our country, in your town; a war -more terrible, more revolting than any chronicled in history. The youth -of America are marching toward the battleground, and the splendid -column is passing your window now, to-day and every day. Perhaps you -do not see the conflict yourself, for the battlefield is always just -around the corner. - -As sure as you have a son, just so sure will he some day turn that -corner. Just so sure will he some day stand on your doorstep, and feel -the lure of the passing show, and just so sure will he some time be -drawn into the conflict, when he will have to fight his way through as -best he can. At six he is in your arms; at sixteen he will be on the -firing-line; at twenty-six the ordeal will have passed and the battle -will have been lost or won. Can you then look backward into the past -and feel that you had warned and fortified him? - -I can. Whatever may be in store for my boy, he goes to meet it with -more than my prayers--he has, also, a full knowledge of life’s -mysteries. He shares with me a thorough understanding of the evils -that may beset him. If my affectionate admonitions can help him, he -has them; if my mistakes of the past serve as danger signals along -his pathway, he knows of them; if my longer experience and broader -knowledge of the world’s ways can save him, he shall escape the snares -and pitfalls that await the heedless step of the untaught and untold -young. - -Before he was seven I had told him whence we come. Scraps of -conversation overheard on the street between his own playfellows warned -me that the time had come and made my duty clear. I saw the pity of it! -My boy, whom I had taught to look trustfully to me for the truth at all -times and about all things; my boy hearing distorted and vulgarised -bits of knowledge that should have come to him solemnly and sacredly -from the parent whom he had learned to look upon as the fountainhead! - -This is what I told him: - -“God made everything, as you know. He made the sea and the land, the -sky and the stars and the sun and the moon. He makes the trees and the -plants and the animals and the boys and the girls who grow to be men -and women. But when I say God makes these things I do not mean that -He makes them with tools, as you would make a playhouse, or with His -hands, as you would make a snow-man. He makes all of these things by -a great plan which He has laid out and by which all things, with His -help, spring up and grow, over and over again, so that the world may go -on just as it is for years and years. By this plan all living things -come from a seed. This seed is within all grown-up plants and grown-up -animals. When a new plant is needed, a seed falls from the grown-up -plant and falls into the soil, where it sprouts and becomes a young -plant. Every kind of animal is composed of two sexes, the male sex and -the female sex. The fathers are of the male sex; the mothers of the -female sex. As the seed of plants is within the flower, so the seed of -animals is within the mother animal. When a new animal is needed the -seed within the mother slowly grows into a young animal like the father -or mother, and while it is still very small it comes out into the light -and sunshine; and that is what we mean when we say it is born. Men and -women are animals. They are different from all other animals in that -they can talk and think and are much higher and better in every way. -But the seed forms within the mother just as it does within the plants -and birds and animals of all kinds. And when another child is needed -the seed begins to grow and takes the form of a little child and after -awhile it comes into the world to be dressed and fed and cared for; -that is what we mean when we say that a babe has been born. That is how -you came into the world and how I came and how all of us came. It is -all a part of God’s wonderful plan to keep the world growing greater -and better and more beautiful. It is not good for boys to talk about -these beautiful things in a rough way, and I hope you will not do so. -I tell them to you because I want you to know the truth. If there is -anything you do not understand, ask me and I will explain it. Whatever -you may hear, no matter whether it is good or bad, if you want to know -the truth about it come to me and I will tell you.” - -That was all. Science in words of two syllables. Science is truth, and -truth is what your boy demands. - -My boy took me at my word. He came back for further enlightenment -more than once. But every time I answered him soberly, freely and -truthfully. And when he knew everything he was immune to that -contamination which mystery breeds. And what is more, the parent -had measured up to the child’s ideal. The father was still the -fountainhead; and no boy will drink from the stagnant pool of vulgarity -when the clear crystal water of truth is close at hand. - - * * * * * - -Revealing the science of propagation to the child-boy is, after all, -only the first step toward unfolding the many facts of sex--facts that -are made mysteries through the inexcusable selfishness--or modesty, -if you prefer to call it that--of mothers and fathers. If sealing the -secrets of sex is an injustice to the boy of six, it is a scarlet sin -against the youth of sixteen. At six he is looking at life curiously -from the family dooryard--within the mother’s call; but at sixteen -or soon thereafter, he strides out into the street, marches down the -highway and turns the corner. He is on the firing-line. Now comes a -crisis in the boy’s life so acute, so grave that I approach the subject -with trepidation. My poor pen, tempered by that delicacy demanded of -printed words, seems incapable of the task before me. And I approach -it also with reverence because I look upon it as an almost divine -privilege to be permitted to discuss with an army of mothers a problem -which I regard as the great tragedy of American youth. - - * * * * * - -Nature is good, Nature is provident, but above all Nature is -self-preservative. Go to your naturalists, your entomologists, and they -will all tell you that the law of perpetuation is first and foremost -among all living things. Man is no exception. Your boy, just coming -into his maturity, is in this respect like unto all other growing -things that God has made. As he ripens toward manhood this instinct -becomes more manifest within him. Vaguely, perhaps, he recognises its -import, but in the main it is a mystery. In a general way he may reason -out its purpose; but how can he know its humanised limitations? How -can he know that the refining process of civilisation has demanded a -check upon the exercise of Nature’s functions? And--here is the vital -issue--how shall he know of the dread penalties Nature sometimes exacts -when these restraints are violated? Why is it that the loving father -and mother, who labour with him and watch over him and shield him -through childhood, decline to raise a finger of warning against the -grim spectre of disease that stalks behind the painted faces of the -underworld? Must it be written, to the shame of human parenthood, that -the very horror of this evil stays the warning hand? Or does the mother -fall into that too common error of thinking that this evil of evils is -open to every boy but her own? Then listen to this, which I quote from -an eminent authority: - - “Take a group of one hundred young men--those from eighteen - to twenty-five years of age--and seventy-five of these will - be found to be suffering either from the effects of venereal - diseases or still in an acute stage of one of them.” - -Mothers, let not your eyes be blinded to a condition that medical -records have proven to be a fact. It may be your boy and it may be mine. - -The chances of its being mine are reduced to the minimum--_because my -boy will know_. The revelation, as I make it, is so simple and yet so -complete, that it could be accomplished with equal ease by mother or -father. When he is about sixteen I place in his hand a book that tells -him all, and I say to him: “My boy, when you are alone, read this.[1] -There are truths in it which you should know.” From that hour the -“great social peril” must fight my son in the open. He knows all that -science can teach--all that parents can tell. - - [1] There are several good books designed for this purpose. - “Confidential Chats with Boys,” and “Plain Facts on Sex - Hygiene,” are two in a series on this subject by Wm. Lee - Howard, M.D., and published by E. J. Clode, 156 Fifth Avenue, - New York. - -I am going to say now what I should have said at the outset--that the -father, though he may leave every other phase of the boy’s development -to the mother, should take the initiative in sex enlightenment. He -should regard it as his peculiar right, his sacred privilege, to point -out the devious paths through which he himself may have threaded his -way from youth to man’s estate. There are no barriers between me and my -boy. The oneness of affection and the sameness of sex easily compass -the disparity in years. He grows older but I do not, for I am waiting -for him. In fact I am going back to him--I am meeting him halfway. Our -play is as boy with boy. Our talks are as man to man. - -In a relationship like this there are no “sex secrets.” There is no ice -to break, because the transmission of knowledge is consistent, gradual -and unconscious. But when the father fails in his duty and the mother -has to step into the breach, it is different, I concede. There is a -certain reserve which is womanly, and perhaps not unmotherly. Still, -mother’s love is a poor thing if it cannot break down that slender -wall to save the boy. And mother’s love is not a poor thing, but a -great power. So if mothers can only be made to see why it must be done, -and when and how, I believe they will do it. - -This is an appeal not to parental love only, but to parental reason. It -is made not by a purist, but by one who has travelled the road by which -all boys must go, and who knows its every crook and turn. It is a plea -in behalf of the American boy, who asks only that he be given a torch -to light his way. - - - - -VII - -THE WEED AND THE WINECUP - - -In the past fiscal year there were smoked in the United States nearly -two million cigarettes more than in any previous year of the nation’s -history; and the consumption of distilled spirits, exclusive of wines -and beers, broke the record of the preceding year by twenty-three -million gallons. - -Now, there is nothing particularly remarkable about these figures -except as they signify that we, as a nation, are smoking and drinking -considerably more than we used to, which in turn suggests the question: -To what extent are our boys responsible for the increase? I’m sure I -don’t know, and I can’t see any way of finding out. But I do know, -from daily observation, that the tobacco and strong drink habits are -formed in boyhood more commonly than there is any need of. I do know -that a great many young men acquire a taste for cigarettes and whiskey -while yet in their teens, purely through lack of the proper parental -influence and instruction. - -To me this seems pitiable, especially because it is so obviously -unnecessary. The parents’ duty is clear. It is amenable to a hard and -fast rule to which there need be no exception, from which there should -be no deviation. The boy should be made to abstain from liquor and -tobacco until he is twenty-one. - -How can you keep him from them? Facts, logic, reason. By these means -and only these, can you get the boy on the right track and be sure that -he will stick. Threats, coercion, exaggerations, bribes or pleadings -will accomplish nothing dependable. At this stage in his career you -can tell him what to do, but you must also tell him why. - -A lady once said to me: “You believe that the parent should live -according to the principle he teaches the child. Then, how can you deny -your son tobacco, with a lighted cigar between your lips?” - -The answer to this brings us to the nib of the tobacco question. The -child is put to bed at seven o’clock, although the parents may not -retire until eleven. The child takes milk at breakfast and the parents -may have coffee. The father may devote ten hours of the day to work, -but this would not be well for the child. Many things that the man may -do with impunity are not good for the growing boy. - -This is exactly what I tell my boy, and he sees the logic of it: While -a boy is growing he should take nothing into his system that is not -nutritious and he should particularly abstain from anything that may -retard the development of his bodily organs, even in the slightest -degree. Every pulsation of the heart, every expansion of the lung -cells, every function of the nerves must do its work unimpeded while -the frame is lengthening and broadening into the proportions of a man. -Once the frame is completely developed the organs merely have to renew -the old tissues. But during the growing period they have not only to -renew the old but to create additional flesh, blood and bone to meet -the demands of the increasing bulk. There are two chemicals in tobacco, -pyridine and nicotine, that have a restraining effect upon the heart, -lungs and nerves. If you give them the additional burden of carrying -off these two poisonous chemicals, the building up of the tissues is -sure to suffer. If you do not feel bad results from it in youth, you -will certainly feel them in later years. - -Said my boy to me: “I know a chap who smokes cigarettes; and he does a -hundred yards in eleven seconds.” “That’s too bad,” said I, “for just -so sure as he does it in eleven seconds with the cigarette handicap, he -could do it in ten and a half without it. And if this boy is running -for an organised athletic department like that of a college or an -established club, the training rules will forbid him the use of tobacco -for a certain period before the day of the contests. Ask any athletic -coach about tobacco and he will tell you to ‘cut it out.’ Ask any -physician about it--even one who is himself a smoker--and he will tell -you that no matter how strong and well a growing youth who smokes may -be, he would be a good degree stronger and better if he did not use -tobacco. You would like to arrive at manhood, as nearly physically -perfect as you can, wouldn’t you? You have not as yet acquired a taste -for tobacco, have you? Well, then, do you not see that by abstaining -from it you have something to gain and absolutely nothing to lose? Let -tobacco alone until you are twenty-one. I might better say twenty-five, -for that is the accepted age of maturity. But we will put it at -twenty-one and perhaps by that time you will add a few years’ more -abstinence of your own volition.” - -Mothers, do not go beyond facts in pleading against the cigarette. Do -not tell your boy that cigarettes contain opiates, because they do not. -I have been through dozens of cigarette factories and have followed -the process of manufacture from the raw leaf to the finished article. -The better grades contain absolutely nothing but pure tobacco of the -mildest kind. In the cheaper grades a little harmless glycerine is -sometimes used to relieve the harsh taste of the tobacco. No harmful -drugs are employed. The paper wrappers are purer and less irritating -than the tobacco. Cigarette paper is the purest paper manufactured. The -danger of the cigarette is, first, that its cheapness appeals to the -boy who would not think of buying cigars; and second, its very mildness -encourages the young man to increase his smoking until he drifts into -excessiveness without knowing it. Consumed in moderation, it is the -least harmful form in which tobacco is used. But cigarettes or cigars, -or tobaccos in any shape whatever, are not good for the growing boy. - -Mothers, this is the truth about tobacco, and this is what you -should tell your boy. Do not say that cigarette smoking leads to the -penitentiary or the madhouse, because it doesn’t, and the boy knows -better. The principal of my boy’s school walks by every day with a -cigar in his mouth. He is near seventy and a good citizen. Do not say -tobacco creates an appetite for strong drink, because it is not true, -and the boy will not believe it. Do not say that smoking wrecks the -nervous system, because in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred it does -nothing of the sort, and the boy, who is constantly observing the man, -will not be convinced. Tell him the plain truth as I have written it, -and he will see the consistency of your reasoning. - - * * * * * - -Strong drink is no relative of tobacco. The only similitude between the -subjects is that they are both unnecessaries, if I may coin the word, -to the boy’s career. I have little to say about strong drink, because, -while it is a matter of vital importance to the boy, it is a problem -which our mothers appear to have pretty well in hand. The great -majority, I believe, proceed on the theory that alcohol is not good -for anybody, is ruinous to many, and, therefore, should be kept out -of the home and away from the boy. There are a minority, however, who -reason differently--thuswise: That drink is not harmful except to those -who make it so by excessive use; that the boy who is carefully guarded -against it in the home will the easier fall a victim to it when he gets -beyond the home influence and the home restraint; and, _per contra_, -that the boy who is permitted to become familiar with the use of it -moderately in the home, will acquire temperance at the same time and be -the better fitted to combat with its attending evils when he eventually -goes out into the world. - -To the majority first mentioned I have but this to say: Go on; you are -doing well. - -But to this minority I want to say: Stop! For the love of the God who -made you, stop! You are on the wrong track. And I’ll tell you why. - -If alcoholism were only a habit, like the use of tobacco, there might -be a thread of practicability in your line of reasoning. But alcoholism -is more than a habit--it is a disease. There are alcoholic wards in -the hospitals, there are sanitariums devoted exclusively to persons -afflicted with it, there are physicians who specialise in the treatment -of it. Some people are immune to it; others are not. I am, it so -happens, and perhaps you are--but is your boy? - -Science has lately ascertained that none are born consumptives. Some -may be born with a tendency for the disease, or they may be born -without that tendency and subsequently acquire the disease. The same is -true of alcohol. - -I have no reason to believe that my boy would be particularly -susceptible to tuberculosis. Nevertheless, I do not propose to expose -him to it. His window is kept open while he sleeps, he is encouraged to -spend much time out of doors, he is given breathing exercises daily, -he is taught to take precautions against infection when near any one -afflicted with the disease. - -Nor have I any grounds for believing that my boy has inherited the -condition that develops alcoholism. Looking back into his ancestry, I -find some non-abstainers but no drunkards. I, his father, am absolutely -immune to it. Neither a total abstainer nor, in my youth, even a -temperatist, I have walked arm in arm with it, but found nothing to -attract or allure. - -But does this justify me in deliberately exposing my boy to it? - -I do not know how he is equipped for it and there is no way of -ascertaining. You can take your boy to the doctor and he will tell -you whether or not his condition is favourable to consumption. But -alcoholism is more insidious. Physicians can diagnose it but they -cannot foretell or forestall it. There are some sanitariums for -alcoholism, but there are no preventoriums. - -“But,” I am told, “if it is in him it will come out sometime. Might it -not better show itself under the watchful eye of the parents, rather -than after the boy has gone out from the home?” - -If it is in the boy, then every year that will put breadth to his -shoulders, brawn on his arm, pride in his heart, judgment into his -head and force into his character, makes him better able to cope with -the disease. No, no, a thousand times no! Do not have on your soul the -guilt of giving your boy his first taste of wine. - -We must consider latent alcoholism as a possibility in bringing up our -boys. Remember, alcoholism is not a habit only, but also a disease. It -is much more prevalent than smallpox, but for alcoholism there is no -vaccine; science offers no preventive serum. It is your sacred duty, -then, to prevent the contact, to keep out the contagion until your son -has his full growth and strength, and it is your duty to tell him the -situation as I have outlined it, so that he may know the real danger of -rum. - -Then, if the tendency is not in him, nothing has been lost, and if it -is in him, you have brought him to man’s estate well equipped to give -the evil a fair fight for supremacy. - - - - -VIII - -OUT INTO THE WORLD - - -A young man of my acquaintance, who had just finished his schooling, -came to his father one morning, flushed with pride, and holding an open -letter in his hand. - -“Father,” he said, “I’ve got a situation, and the man says I may start -to work in the morning.” - -The father took the letter and read it. - -“Do you know all about this man?” he asked. - -“Do I know him? Why, no; I don’t know him at all. But he knows all -about _me_. He looked up all my references.” - -“Of course he did,” replied the father, putting the letter into his -pocket; “and before you go to work for him I’m going to look up _his_.” - -It was a homely, up-state father who said that, but he was a wise and -a good man and I revere him. He was a father who knew the boy from the -skin in. He knew that the boy’s first employer is, in the boy’s eyes, -the greatest man in the world. He perceived that his son, who for -twenty years had looked upon him, the father, as the man of men, was -about to have set before him a new pattern, a new ideal. And out of his -heart came the question: - -“What is this man like?” - -It is a fine thing to know that you have brought your boy through that -plastic period between his cradle-hood and his majority, and to know -when he comes of age that he is clean and straight and true. It must -be gratifying indeed, when the last text-book is closed and laid away, -to see him start into the world, a man grown, with keen aspirations -and high ideals, ready and eager to grapple with the world on his own -account, and capable of taking care of himself with his own hands. - -If you have brought him through safely to this momentous hour, you have -done much. But is your task quite ended? Does your responsibility stop -here? - -That up-state father whom I have just referred to thought that it did -not; and I agree with him. I believe that the father and mother yet -have that one last touch to give to the character they have helped to -form. I believe it is their duty to see, not that the boy has a good -situation, but that he starts under a good man. - -Naturally, the employer, in most cases, is a man who has met with -some success in his business or his profession. He sits apart from -his subordinates. However much they may use their ingenuity, it is -he who shapes the policy of the business and dominates the concern. -Every one about him defers to him. Everything that is done is subject -to his approval. He is, in fine, the head and front of the entire -establishment. There are clerks and salesmen and accountants and -confidential advisers in the place, some with long experience and grey -hairs, but none are as great as he, and all look up to the place he -occupies as a position worthy of aspiring to. - -The youth enters the employ of this man fresh from school or college. -Here he gets his first insight of the career he intends to follow. If -the employer is a good man, a man of high principles, all is well. -But if he is a man of sharp practices, the boy is in danger. Having -no other standard of comparison in business life, he may fall into -the error of accepting his employer as a true type of the successful -man. He has come to this place in a receptive frame of mind. Here the -foundation of his chosen career is to be laid. Is it not probable that -he will absorb something of the morals of his superior, even though -they may not agree with the higher ideals raised in the home? When the -boy first strikes out he is, after all, only a fledgling. The family -nest has been feathered with love and care and kindness and protecting -influences. You have told him of the outside world and you have tried -to give him a clear vision. But there are some things about flying -alone that only experience can teach. You cannot always extend the home -atmosphere beyond the home, but you can do something akin to it. You -can make it your business to see that his first glimpse into the new -life reveals nothing contrary to the morals of the home. - -You can see to it that his first employer is the kind of man you would -be satisfied to have your son emulate. - - * * * * * - -In the selection of the boy’s calling it is admitted, of course, that -the boy himself is, in a large measure, the best judge. The vocation -that he inclines to most strongly is likely to be the one for which he -is best fitted. I think, however, that this rule is made too elastic at -times. - -A young man of my acquaintance thought that the stage was his calling. -The father, telling me of it in confidence, said that in his, the -father’s opinion, the boy was best suited to the law, but added that -he would say nothing, believing it to be a matter for the young man -to decide alone. The young man had an exceptionally good memory, a -fine speaking voice and the gift of oratory in a remarkable degree. He -was much of a student, prepossessing in appearance and magnetic in -personality. - -That was ten years ago and the young man has never risen above -mediocrity--and he never will. He lacked one essential to the -drama--imagination. The truth is that he should have gone into the law. -He saw the mistake in course of time, and told me so, but it was too -late. Time had elapsed and he could not turn back. - -The boy is not always a good self-analyst. He is too prone to measure -his talents perfunctorily. It does not follow that your son’s calling -is art because he can chalk a caricature on the wall; that he should be -a poet because he can dash off a sentiment in rhyme; that he is suited -to the clergy because he is of a pious turn of mind. It does not always -follow that the thing he does the most easily he can do the best. This -is the mistake that parents must guard against when the time comes for -choosing a profession for the boy. - -They have studied the boy from infancy, while he has studied himself -but little, and that with an immatured mind. Is it unlikely, then, -that the parents often know his latent capabilities better than he -himself knows them? It goes without saying that the son shall not be -driven by parental authority into a profession that is distasteful to -him; but I think in most cases the parents can aid the boy in finding -the true thread of his bent. With no attempt at coercion they can help -him to accurately analyse those natural leanings which, in the embryo, -are many times conflicting and misleading. It appears to me that the -counsel of the parents is needed at this time no less than at any other -period in the boy’s life. - - * * * * * - -Having seen the boy well reared and started in the career for which he -is best equipped, and under the direction of a superior whose influence -will be uplifting, I think the parents may rest in that peace and -tranquillity of mind that comes with the consciousness of a duty well -done. They may now sit quietly by and watch while the boy works. - -I would caution them against expecting too much of him. Of the -million-and-a-half of American boys born every year, all cannot be -famous--all cannot be rich. Only a few can be President of the United -States. But all can be good citizens, and that is the kind of material -that the country needs. We have plenty of great men, and too many -very rich men. A great man is merely a good man picked haphazard from -thousands of others just as good--picked by Opportunity whenever the -occasion demands. A rich man is one who has more money than he needs. -Either of these, beyond a certain stage of self-progress, is a child of -chance. - -What you have a right to expect from your son, if you have trained him -conscientiously, is success. I do not mean the success that is measured -by the dollar sign, or by the size of the type in which the newspapers -print his name. - -The successful man, in the true sense of the word, is the law-abiding -citizen who gives unto the world enough of his brain and brawn to pay -the way of himself and his family through it. - -I believe there is the making of such a man in every healthy boy -that is born into the civilised world. I believe that every healthy -boy is brought into the world a good boy. If one of these develops -into a bad boy it is because he is made to; not affirmatively, but -negatively--through the want of proper training. All the boy needs is -to be treated as a boy. He is not a god, to be worshipped, or a girl, -to be coddled, or a dog, to be driven. The boy that I know is a sturdy -little human being, distinctly masculine in gender, with a desire to be -doing something and a want of direction; in fine, an embryotic man. - -Give him the light, tell him the truth, show him the way. Do this -consistently, conscientiously, and he will measure up to the highest -standard of good citizenship. - -More than this I do not ask of my boy. - - - * * * * * - - - Transcriber’s Notes: - - --Text in italics is enclosed by underscores (_italics_). - - --Punctuation and spelling inaccuracies were silently corrected. - - --Archaic and variable spelling has been preserved. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Bringing up the Boy, by Carl Werner - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BRINGING UP THE BOY *** - -***** This file should be named 56109-0.txt or 56109-0.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/6/1/0/56109/ - -Produced by Donald Cummings and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive/American Libraries.) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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