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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2787e01 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #56109 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/56109) diff --git a/old/56109-0.txt b/old/56109-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 5542117..0000000 --- a/old/56109-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,2281 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Bringing up the Boy, by Carl Werner - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - -Title: Bringing up the Boy - A Message to Fathers and Mothers from a Boy of Yesterday - Concerning the Men of To-morrow - -Author: Carl Werner - -Release Date: December 3, 2017 [EBook #56109] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BRINGING UP THE BOY *** - - - - -Produced by Donald Cummings and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive/American Libraries.) - - - - - - - - - - Bringing up the Boy - - - - -[Illustration] - - “GIVE HIM THE LIGHT - TELL HIM THE TRUTH - SHOW HIM THE WAY!” - - - - - Bringing up the Boy - - A Message to Fathers and Mothers - from a Boy of Yesterday concerning - the Men of To-morrow - - - By - CARL WERNER - - - [Illustration] - - - New York - Dodd, Mead and Company - 1913 - - - - - Copyright, 1911, by - THE BUTTERICK PUBLISHING COMPANY - - Copyright, 1913, by - DODD, MEAD AND COMPANY - - Published, March, 1913 - - - - - TO - - Mary Morris Werner - - A GOOD MOTHER - WHOSE FINE SYMPATHY, KEEN PERCEPTION, - AND DEVOUT SENSE OF DUTY ARE MOULDING - THE CHARACTER OF - - AN AMERICAN BOY - - THIS VOLUME IS AFFECTIONATELY INSCRIBED - - - - -CONTENTS - - - CHAPTER PAGE - FOREWORD xi - I FROM BABY TO BOY 3 - II THE SIMPLICITY OF DISCIPLINE 17 - III AS THE TWIG IS BENT 33 - IV A TALK AT CHRISTMAS TIME 48 - V THE DYNASTY OF THE DIME NOVEL 63 - VI THE SIN OF SEX SECRECY 77 - VII THE WEED AND THE WINECUP 91 - VIII OUT INTO THE WORLD 104 - - - - - There; my blessing with thee! - And these few precepts in thy memory - See thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue, - Nor any unproportioned thought his act. - Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar. - Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, - Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel; - But do not dull thy palm with entertainment - Of each new-hatch’d, unfledged comrade. Beware - Of entrance to a quarrel, but being in, - Bear’t that the opposed may beware of thee. - Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice; - Take each man’s censure, but reserve thy judgment. - Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy, - But not express’d in fancy; rich, not gaudy; - For the apparel oft proclaims the man. - Neither a borrower nor a lender be; - For loan oft loses both itself and friend, - And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry. - This above all: To thine own self be true, - And it must follow, as the night the day, - Thou canst not then be false to any man. - - --Polonius to his son. - _Hamlet_, Act I, Scene 3. - - - - -FOREWORD - - -A good portion of the material in this volume was printed in serial -form in _The Delineator_, to whose editors and publishers I am deeply -indebted for the sympathy and encouragement that were necessary to -bring my ideas on boy training into the circle of general parenthood. -As a result of the publicity gained through the medium of that -magazine’s wide circulation, many letters were received by the magazine -and by myself; and in this mass of correspondence there was a distinct -note of appeal for the publication of the essays between covers. It was -quite without any knowledge of this demand, however, that the present -publishers, acting independently, became interested in the series, and -decided, after due consideration, to issue it in book form. - -It was surprising that of the many letters received while these -articles were appearing serially, only a small minority of the writers -disagreed with my views, and those few protests were confined to one -or two subjects. So far as could be reasonably expected of one whose -time is much occupied in pursuing a livelihood, I replied to all such -communications. If in some instances I failed, the omission was not -because I was lacking in a keen appreciation of the interest, the -sympathy, the suggestions and the criticisms thus expressed. As to -those who disagreed with me, I would like to repeat here what I have -said to them in personal replies: They may be right, and I wrong. -This much only, I know--That Providence is kind in that He permits -me to retain a distinct picture of the boy’s cosmos; that as a man -and a father I can still see--and feel--from the boy’s viewpoint; and -that, preserving that visuality, I have tried, with the best judgment -and most constant effort of which I am capable, to employ it for the -greatest good. Everything that I have written about boy training is -solidly fixed on this foundation; and everything that I have written -has been or is being employed, to the very letter, in my stewardship -of one who is infinitely more precious to me than life itself--my -own boy. If I have erred, may God forgive me; but on this score my -conscience is as clear as a crystal pool, for so far as human vision -penetrates not one duty has been left undone and not one endeavour has -gone astray. And happily, though I say it with a prayer on my lips and -humility in my heart, every passing year adds its living testimony to -the principles which I advocate and for which I plead. - - C. W. - - - - -Bringing up the Boy - - - - -I - -FROM BABY TO BOY - - -Your son, madam, while passing a vacant house, paused, poised his -arm and deliberately sent a small stone crashing through one of the -windows. Then, turning on his heel, he ran nimbly up the street and -disappeared around the corner. - -You know it occurred, because some one living next to the house saw him -do it and told the owner, and the owner came to you for reparation and -you charged the boy with it and he admitted it to be true. - -You are heartbroken because you find yourself confronted with what -appears to be irrefutable evidence that your son is a bad boy. - -You ask him why he did it. He doesn’t know. You suggest that it might -have been an accident. Being a truthful boy, he replies tearfully that -it was not. You enquire if he had any grievance against the man who -owns the house. He answers that he hadn’t even heard of the owner and -didn’t know who he was. Then--you ask again--why did he do it? You get -the same answer: - -“I don’t know.” - -It certainly looks dubious for your boy, madam, doesn’t it? If at the -tender age of ten years a lad will deliberately “chuck” a stone through -a neighbouring window, with no reason or provocation for it whatsoever, -what may he not be capable of at twenty? The thought is appalling, -isn’t it? - -Happily, however, I think it can be demonstrated to your complete -satisfaction that your son is not bad--so far as this particular -offence is concerned, anyway--and that this stone-throwing business is -a perfectly natural thing for a perfectly normal boy to do. - -To start with, let us suppose that I have placed on your back -fence, side by side, a brick and a bottle. I then hand you a little -target-rifle and invite you to try your skill at shooting. Now, which -will you aim at--the brick or the bottle? - -The bottle, of course. You answer more quickly than I can write it. - -And why the bottle? - -Just think that over a moment, please. Why the bottle? - -Meanwhile, let us go back to the boy and the window. - -The desire to see a physical result from any personal effort is -deep-seated in every human being. Where is the author who does not take -secret and real pleasure in scanning the achievements of his pen in -the public print? Where is the architect who would forego the pleasure -of seeing the finished structure, the lines and masses of which he -has dreamed over and designed? The desire to see the result follow the -endeavour, the effect follow the cause, is strong within us all. - -It may seem a far cry from art and letters to the boy and the broken -window, but the psychologic principle involved is one and the same. -The boy, sauntering along the street or the roadway, has been amusing -himself by throwing stones. He has sent one against the side of a barn -with no effect other than the sound of a hollow thud as it struck the -boards. He has heaved one at a telegraph pole, and the pole didn’t even -quiver. Then he spies the vacant house. - -It is obviously deserted and abandoned. A pane already shattered in one -of the windows starts the idea. It is far enough back from the street -to make the throw a test of skill. If he misses there’s no harm done. -If he hits there’ll be a noise, a crash, a shower of flying glass -and--Enough! Up goes the arm, away goes the stone with fateful accuracy -and the deed is done. It was the act of a sudden impulse. Before the -conscience within him could assert itself the missile had struck; and -that innate human ambition to produce a visible result was gratified. - -The deed is done, and the boy doesn’t know why he did it. But returning -to the hypothesis of the brick and the bottle, perhaps you, madam, can -explain why you would prefer to shoot at the bottle. - -In these talks I want to tell mothers something of what I know about -boys; not all about them, but just a few of the more vital things -that every mother of a boy ought to know and every father ought to be -reminded of. I say “reminded” advisedly, for the fathers must have -known some time, though it would seem that most of them have forgotten -now. What I say I know about boys, I know. What I may suggest or advise -is another matter. It can stand only as a belief, an opinion, and my -sole excuse for presuming to offer it is that I love the boy; I live -close to him and I believe in him. - -I do not believe that the intuitiveness generally accredited to -motherhood is in the least degree overestimated or exaggerated. But -mere intuitiveness, even in its highest form of development, can hardly -be expected to bridge the natural gap of temperamental sex difference -between mother and son. - -Unfortunately, the father, not eager to invade what he believes to -be the mother’s sphere, usually is content to leave the management -of the boy in the mother’s hands, while the mother, not recognising -the deficiency of her position, labours on patiently, lovingly, -untiringly, but in many cases blindly, and often with poor success. -If mothers only understood this it would be better. If they could be -brought to realize the handicap under which they are striving they -could fortify themselves against it. They could deepen the interest -of the father or, failing that, they could at the least draw upon his -experience and knowledge of real boyhood with good effect. But there -are no sex distinctions to the average mother. The boys and the girls -are just “the children” and the difference of sex is lost in the great -catholicity of maternal love. - -At the very beginning parents must concede the existence of an inherent -temperamental difference between the boy and the girl. This, for the -mother, is not so easy of adjustment as it may appear. The boy is her -baby, just her baby, from swaddling-clothes to long trousers. - -The fact is, of course, that the assertion of the sex temperament -starts almost with the beginning of life. For the first four or five -years it is, to be sure, almost a negligible quantity, but after that -the boy needs to be treated as a boy, and not as a sexless baby. - -Put a pair of new red shoes on a little girl’s feet and send her out -among a group of misses shod in black. Then watch her plume herself and -pose at the front gate and mince up and down the avenue, as proud as a -peacock. - -Now, rig up the six-year-old boy in some new and untried kink of -fashion and turn him loose on the highway--and observe what follows. -Note how sheepishly he looks down the street to where his playfellows -are gathered, and see how he edges toward them, faltering and keeping -as close to the fence as he can. Observe how, just as he is trying to -slip into their midst unostentatiously, one of them cries in a shrill -voice: - -“Look who’s here!” and another remarks: - -“Oh, what a shine!” and still another exclaims: - -“Pipe the kelly!” meaning, observe the hat. - -Then perhaps there is the very rude boy who asks whether the “rags” -have been “rassled,” said enquiry being gently emphasised by a push -from behind. In which case the young glass of fashion, having a gloomy -premonition of what may happen to him at home if he returns bearing the -marks of combat, backs discreetly off the firing-line, and retreats -to his own dooryard with as small loss of dignity as the exigency -of the occasion will permit. And he is pretty sure to stick there -the remainder of the afternoon, while occasionally other boys, in -regulation woollens or corduroys, peep at him curiously through the -palings, making him feel like one of those unpronounceable animals that -they keep in cages and lecture about at the zoo. - -Do you think this characteristic of the boy really signifies that he -is “notional”? Do you put it down merely as “finicality”? Then you do -him a great injustice. In the true analysis it is quite the opposite. -It is but one feature of a unique democracy, a splendid democracy that -you will find holding sway wherever boys gather. Oh, this democracy of -boyhood is a wonderful thing! To me it is the régime beautiful. There -is something so inspiring about it! For here, in this quaint domain of -dare-and-do, you see every sturdy little chap, regardless of clothes, -creed or family position, standing on his own merits and judged by his -own deeds. - -Why some mothers persist in Little-Lord-Fauntleroy-ing their boys -within an inch of their lives is to me a profound mystery. Can any -mother enlighten me on the long-curls cruelty? Is it selfish vanity? -Could any mother, for the mere gratification of an egoistic desire, -be so unfeeling as to send her helpless boy out into the scene of -humiliation and actual physical torture of which the boy with the long -curls becomes the pitiable centre as soon as he turns the corner? - -I do not like to think so. Rather would I believe, as in the case of -the broken window, that the mother’s error is chargeable to her never -having been a boy. She has a faulty conception of what it means to be -yanked about by those boy-hated ringlets of gold, to be harassed and -taunted by the inornate but happier hoi polloi. - -I recall one afternoon when I took a youngster of three around to the -barber’s to have him shorn. I returned with the boy in one hand and the -curls in the other. He was magnificently cologned and wanted everybody -to “smell it.” - -The mother was waiting with an empty shoe-box in her lap. She was -sitting by the window, in the soft half-light of the early evening, and -she caressed the golden bronze ringlets before putting them away. And -something glistened in her eye and it fell into the box and was packed -away with the curls. I shouldn’t wonder if it were there yet, for -somehow I can’t help thinking that a tear like that must crystallise -into a tiny pearl and glisten on forever. - -But when this mother looked up at the boy, she was smiling, almost -proudly; and she patted the shiny, round head, and kissed it, cologne -and all, and quoted a verse about having “lost a baby and gained a -man,” declaring that he really looked much better than she had expected. - -And the boy was put to bed and slept coolly and comfortably, and he’s -had a clean scalp and a clear conscience ever since, I guess. - -But here I am, taking up the reader’s precious time talking about -clothes and curls--neither of which mere man is supposed to know -anything about--when all I meant to do was to emphasise the fact that -long before a half-dozen of his birthdays have been celebrated, the boy -must be taken up as an abstract proposition. - -At the age of five, then, let us say, the boy reaches the stage of -recognisable and indisputable masculinity. This is the logical time for -the properly constituted father to take the helm of the son’s destiny. -If he does not do so, through lack of interest, lack of time or lack -of the faculty for it, the mother must needs go on with the struggle. -Her five years of training the baby will not come amiss in training the -boy. But she must now reckon with boyhood as a distinct classification -of childhood. She must remember that from now on, every year, every -month, every day, widens the gap of sex divergence. She will do well -to look at the bearded men who pass her door and consider that every -attribute of masculinity exists, embryonically, in her round-faced baby -boy. - -From now on, if she hopes to appeal to the best that is in him, she -must not only study the boy, but she must study the world from the -boy’s viewpoint. The nearer the mother can get to the boy’s inner -emotions, the more effectively can she direct the trend of his mental, -moral and physical development. Herein lies the secret of getting and -keeping a grip on the boy. - - - - -II - -THE SIMPLICITY OF DISCIPLINE - - -We are living in an epoch of extremists. This morning the suffering -dyspeptic is told that he will find a complete cure in a two weeks’ -fast; this afternoon he is advised that by eating every two hours he -will be forever free from his ills. On the one hand is a sect preaching -that prayer will bring us peace, power and plenty, and on the other -is a schism pleading that supplication, in itself, availeth nothing. -Here we have a group of modern disciplinists teaching that corporal -punishment is a fading relic of barbaric brutality; there we find a -sturdy school of old-timers telling us that if we spare the rod we -shall spoil the child. - -With these extremists who specialise in the stomach or in the soul I -have no quarrel; but coming down to the subject of disciplining the boy -I do want to point out to fathers and mothers seriously and earnestly -that there is a happy medium, a middle course--a neutral and natural -way. - -The moral suasion idea is a fine thing in theory and it would be a -moderately fine thing actually if parents were all moral suasionists, -and if parents and children had nothing else in the world to do but -practise it. By this I mean that if all or most parents were naturally -equipped to rule by moral suasion, and, secondly, if twenty-four hours -of the day could be devoted exclusively to discipline, it would be -undoubtedly a commendable method of child-government. Unfortunately, -such is not the case, and in dealing with the question collectively we -have to take conditions, parents and children as we find them. - -Nearly every parent possesses the faculty of governing to some -extent--greater or less; and all children are capable of responding -to it--but in varying degrees. There is, therefore, no hard and fast -rule that can be laid down for the guidance of all parents, to be -applied successfully to all children. However, by reducing the subject -of this article first to boys, and second to the average boy, I think -we can get the discussion down to a practicable basis. The little -girl is here absolutely eliminated from consideration. I have studied -her assiduously and at close range for a number of years and have -succeeded in establishing this much only; first, that she is almost too -sweetly complex for paternal comprehension, and second, that she is not -amenable to the rules by which we discipline the boy. - -My boy, then, is the average boy, old enough to walk and talk and -understand what is said to him, moderately sensitive, moderately -affectionate, moderately impulsive, moderately perverse, of ordinarily -good health, and possessed of the usual amount of animal spirits. - -Obedience is the foundation stone of the entire structure of -discipline. There is a good deal in discipline besides obedience, but -without obedience there is no discipline. It is not the alpha and -omega, but is a good deal more than the alpha. Discipline is harmony. -Harmony cannot be maintained without perfect obedience, because -obedience is a joint affair, a partnership arrangement between you and -the boy. All other essentials of discipline are _ex parte_. In all -other essentials you are subjective and the boy is objective. You think -and he acts, you direct and he executes, you furnish the plan of living -and he lives it. But it is the _partnership_ in obedience that makes -this possible. Given perfect obedience, the rest is easy, because the -boy’s daily routine is simply a vivification of the principles shaped -by your own matured mind. - -Let me repeat, then, that discipline is simply harmony and harmony -cannot be attained without perfect obedience. Note the adjective, -_perfect_, for this is the obstacle over which we are so prone to -stumble. Obedience must be absolute, complete and infallible. - -How can we attain it? How can we take the child-boy and so mould him -that he will respond to a command instantly and unfailingly? Within -him there is a natural, healthy instinct opposed to it. Within him is -the natural human tendency to think and act independently, to learn by -experiment, to venture unassisted and unrestrained into the unknown. - -Punishment other than corporal will not always do it, because at the -time when this condition must be established the boy’s baby mentality -is not capable of compassing the long distances between cause and -effect. At the early age at which it is necessary to establish perfect -obedience, the moral penalties are too slow in action, too complex -and too much dependent upon local condition to be effective. There -are exceptions, of course. For example: You have a box of sweets and -you tell the boy he may take one. He takes two. As a penalty for -his disobedience you make him return both pieces to the box and you -cast the package into the fire. There you have incorporal punishment -that is instant, direct and effective; but this incident is made to -order and of rare occurrence in fact. Suppose that the boy swallows -the two pieces instantly, or suppose the more usual occurrence that -you have forbidden him to partake of the sweets at all and he has -surreptitiously eaten one. What then? Casting the remainder into the -fire will not impress him at the time because his appetite has been -satisfied, the desire is dulled. You may deprive him of his allowance -on the day following, but the lapse of time dims the relation of the -penalty to the offence. This kind of treatment works well with some of -the minor errors but not with disobedience. The tendency to disobey is -too constant, too persistent and too frequent, and too early in the -boy’s process of development. - -A mother said: “It is not necessary for me to strike my child. I compel -him to sit in a chair for one hour without speaking. He fears that -more than the rod.” Of course, he does, poor little chap! And that -mother did not realise that she was substituting a barbaric torture -for mild punishment. I reverse her reasoning: It is not necessary for -me to so torture my boy. Nor shall I deprive him of his play, of the -outside air, of his supper, of anything that makes for his health and -happiness, nor of any good thing that it is in my power to give him. - -Disobedience calls for a punishment that is short, direct and -impressive. A sharp tap on the palm of a boy’s hand, or on the calf of -his leg--or two or five or ten--is the only kind of penance I know of -that fills the requirements. It is the one short and sure road to an -immediate result. Naturalists tell us that the sense of touch is the -first experienced by a newborn child. It is the first and quickest wire -from the outer world to the brain. Then come hearing and smelling and -seeing and long after these come the moral perceptions, the power of -deduction and the distinction of right and wrong. My experience has -been that this first sense continues to be the live wire until well on -toward the maturity of the child--if the child is a boy. There are many -men, who can undergo the severest mental torture with calm resolution -and fortitude, but who tremble at the sight of a dental chair. Not -long ago I was chatting with a friend, who is a dentist, when a burly -policeman rushed in, plumped himself into the operating-chair and asked -the dentist to ease his aching tooth. The dentist looked at the tooth -and reached for his forceps. “The only way to fix that is to extract -it,” he said. The officer of the law sprang from the chair like a -jack-in-the-box and made for the door, remarking apologetically as he -went out that he couldn’t spare the time. “That man,” said the dentist, -when he had gone, “has a medal for bravery, and three times has been -commended for saving lives at the risk of his own.” - -It is not that the boy fears pain, but that he fears the certainty of -it, he dreads the deliberate, the inevitable punishment, accompanied by -no moral stimulus with which to combat it. I have known my boy to take -a severe beating from another boy in a struggle for the possession of -an apple--and all without shedding a tear. The spat on the hand that -I inflicted was a mere flea-bite to that beating, but because of it I -could leave an apple within reach of his hand indefinitely and, though -he might want it ever so much, he would not touch it if I had forbidden -him. - -So much for the psychology of corporal punishment. Now for the practice -of it. - -While I may have been guilty of many literary offences, a list of -“Don’ts” has not, up to this time, been among them. But as the word -obedience necessarily captions an imposing array of “Don’ts” for the -boy, I think his parents may be better equipped to enforce them by -considering some very important ones applying to themselves. At any -rate, having spoken freely in favour of the use of the rod, it is -vitally important to qualify my advocacy of it in accordance with my -experience and belief. Every one of the qualifications or conditions -that I am about to enumerate is essential to this system of discipline, -so much so that if they were not to be considered as part of it, all -that I have written would go for naught and I would ask to withdraw it -completely. - -Corporal punishment is resorted to for one kind of offence -only--disobedience. Absolutely for no other. - -Corporal punishment consists of a few sharp taps on the palm or calf -with a thin wood ruler. - -The boy is never punished in the presence of a third person, even a -brother or sister. - -Punishment is never administered with the slightest sign of anger or -under excitement. _Any parent incapable of so administering corporal -punishment should not employ it._ - -Punishment must partake of the nature of a simple ceremony rather -than of a torture; it must be regarded as a duty, not as a personal -retaliation. - -Punishment is always prefaced with a simple, brief, but explicit -explanation, like this: “My boy, listen: I love you and I do not -like to hurt you. But, every boy _must_ be made to obey his father -and mother, and this seems to be the only way to make you do it. So -remember! Every time you disobey me you shall be punished. When I tell -you to do a thing, you must do it, instantly; without a moment’s delay. -If you hesitate, if you wait to be told a second time, you will be -punished. When I speak, you must act. Just as sure as you are standing -here before me, this punishment will follow every time you do not do -as you are told.” - -Say no more than that. Drive home the inseparability of the cause and -the consequence; let the idea of instant, infallible obedience be -telegraphed to his brain simultaneously with the sting of the ruler. - -Have no fear that this form of chastisement will break your boy’s -spirit or will weaken the bond of love between him and yourself. Both -will be strengthened by it. For one punishment inflicted, there are -hundreds of kind words and deeds to prove your affection. - -No child should be punished corporally other than as I have described. - -To strike him in the face, to strike him at all with the hand or fist -is brutal, and brutality is not only sinful but ineffective. Corporal -punishment inflicted impulsively is dangerous because it lacks the -earmarks of good intent. - -Above all, remember this: That the kind of corporal punishment which I -employ is effective, first because it is the only kind the child knows, -and in no other way does he feel the weight of a corrective hand; and -second, because _it never fails to follow the deed_. - -To waver is unfair to the child. Yesterday he was punished. To-day he -commits the same infraction and is not punished. Here is inconsistency -and the boy is confused. If it were not deserved to-day, he reasons, it -was undeserved yesterday; therefore, he is aggrieved. Every time you -miss the atonement you lose a link, and the chain of your discipline is -broken. - -This is the chief error of parent disciplinarians. We fail to grasp -the all-important truth that the unfailing application of corporal -punishment is the very thing that can render punishment of any kind -unnecessary. Many a boy is punished a hundred times where but a few -would have sufficed had the penalty been exacted consistently and -unfailingly. The right kind of discipline neither spoils the child nor -spoils the rod. It spares both. It is like good dentistry. Every moment -of hurt saves years of suffering in later life. And good painless -discipline is as rare as good painless dentistry. - -Further than this I have but little to say about discipline, for, -once you have achieved infallible obedience, you are bound to achieve -perfect discipline. The two words are synonyms in effect. No mother can -hope for the best results if she seeks to train her boy as she would -arrange her hair--to please her vanity--or as she would plan a shopping -tour--to suit her convenience. Self must be submerged and the child’s -future kept uppermost. For discipline is a mother’s duty to her boy. -If she falters in it the boy will suffer. And every penalty that the -unwatched boy escapes through a parent’s frailty, he will have to pay, -many fold, in the future years. - - - - -III - -AS THE TWIG IS BENT - - -You hear the sound of sobbing in the distance, and as it draws nearer -and grows more distinct you recognise the voice. A moment later the -door flies open and there stands your boy, crying as though his -heart would break. Little rivulets of tears are trickling down his -dust-covered cheeks, and on the side of his face is the mark of a cruel -blow. - -Between sobs he tells you that the boy across the street did it. Why? -He doesn’t know why; he wasn’t doing anything at all, “jes’ playin’ -around.” - -You wipe the tears away and kiss the hurt, and as you note the -quivering lip and the angry bruise, a wave of indignation swells within -you. Glancing out through the window you see the boy across the -street, cavorting triumphantly on the curb. How much bigger and coarser -and rougher than your boy he appears--isn’t it always so? Your little -chap has come to you partly for sympathy, but mainly for retaliation. -He shows you his wound and points to the boy who did it. He has been -hurt, he has been grievously wronged, and he has come to you whom he -has learned to look upon as his one never-failing protector and friend. -You spring to your feet, fired with an overwhelming desire to rush into -the street and avenge the wrong that has been done your child. - -Madam, one moment! Don’t do it. The retaliation you contemplate may -be justice so far as the tormentor across the street is concerned, -but it is a rank injustice to your own boy. I want to tell you on the -authority of an ex-boy that if you would serve your son best, you will -not interfere. - -None but a mother knows the trials and heartaches of the fighting -period in a boy’s life; and none but a father realises what an -important part that period plays in the shaping of the boy’s career. -The period runs approximately from the ages of five to ten. Prior to -that the child is too young to indulge in it, and subsequently he is -too old to tell about it. In the interim these affairs of the street -are of daily occurrence and are to the mother a source of annoyance as -mysterious as they are harrowing. - -The right way to deal with this problem may not be the easiest way -but it is the simplest, and it is the best for the boy. It is to let -him alone. It is to teach him from the very beginning that outside of -his own dooryard he must protect himself with his own hands. Have a -distinct understanding that if he gets himself into a fight, he must -get himself out of it. Tell him that by helping him you would only make -more trouble for him because he would get to be known as a coward, and -all the boys would annoy him more than before. - -I went further than this with my boy. I told him that I did not approve -of fighting, but that if he were forced into it, I would expect him to -hit out hard and fast and defend himself blow for blow. I provided him -with a punching-bag and a set of boxing-gloves and I showed him how to -use them. He was just five when I established this rule and in one year -it proved itself. - -At six we started him off to school, and a few days later he came home -one afternoon with a discoloured eye. - -But there was no tear in it. He threw his books in a corner and ran, -whistling, out to play. At dinner that evening my curiosity got the -better of me, but I assumed indifference. - -“Where did you get the eye, old chap?” I asked casually. - -He looked up sheepishly, smiled and pushed his cup toward me. - -“Some more milk, if you please, father,” he said. The fighting problem -had been solved forever. - -The mother who coddles her boy shows him a double unkindness. She -not only increases his boyhood miseries, through making him the -particular target of other boys, but she retards the development of his -self-reliance and his manliness. - -I give the _affaire d’honneur_ an important place in this chapter -because it is one of the things about boys that mothers often -misunderstand and quite generally undervalue. - -Of course, the cardinal precept which should form the foundation of -the character structure is--Truth. Combine in him manliness and -truthfulness, and the other essential traits of good character will -spring from these two like shoots from the trunk of a healthy tree. -Truth-telling should be made a matter of habit with the boy. Have you -not among your acquaintances men, women and children who are habitual -prevaricators, people who make misstatements continuously, absolutely -without purpose and without malice? Lying has become a habit with them. -By the same token truth-telling can be and should be so instilled in -the boy as to become automatic. He should never be punished for a -falsehood as you might punish him for disobedience. The problem of -disobedience, which I discussed in a foregoing chapter, is a matter of -psychology from beginning to end. Truth-telling becomes so in the end -but is a matter of morals at the beginning. It can be formed into a -fixed habit by treating it morally and by keeping everlastingly at it -until the result is achieved. You cannot beat a boy into hating a lie, -but you can shame him into it. - -It is natural for a very young boy to seek to evade responsibility for -an offence by disclaiming it. The first time he does this he must be -made to know that, however serious the offence may be, it is as nothing -compared to the lie that he seeks to cover. I did not go so far as to -promise my boy immunity for infractions that he frankly confessed; -but I did make it a rule unto myself that he should never suffer -through confession, and I did invariably commend him, in the highest -terms, when he told the truth under conditions that made it peculiarly -praiseworthy. An example: I find my inkstand tipped over and a great -black stain upon the carpet. I summon the boy and ask him sternly: -“Who did that?” My manner is threatening. The offence is grave. He is -thoroughly frightened, but after a moment he answers, falteringly, “I -did.” Instantly my attitude changes from admonitive to commendatory. -I say to him: “This is an awful thing that you have done. The carpet -is spoiled. The stain will always be there. Nothing can remove it. But -you have told the truth and that is the finest thing that a boy can do. -As bad as this is, I would rather you would do it a hundred times than -tell one lie.” - -If, on the other hand, he falsifies, I grieve before him. I tell him -that nothing that a boy can do is as bad as a falsehood: that a lie -is the very meanest and lowest thing in the world. I tell him that I -fully forgive him for spilling the ink, but it is almost impossible to -forgive him for that lie. I leave him to meditate upon it. - -I never allow an untruth to pass without bringing a blush of shame to -the boy’s cheek. I never let a lie show itself without holding it up as -a thing to be despised. The boy first gets to fear a falsehood, then to -despise it--and finally to forget it. And by forgetting I mean that it -passes beyond the pale of things considerable. Truth has become a fixed -habit. - -Having accomplished this, you have given your boy a solid foundation -upon which to rear the structure of good character. - -I believe in sending the boy to the church. Regardless of the parents’ -attitude toward religion, I believe it is their duty to give the -boy the benefit of a church environment while he is still a boy. -Irrespective of sect or creed, he is sure to absorb some good in an -atmosphere of divine worship. In later years he may depart from the -precepts there learned, but the early teachings and associations of the -church or the Sunday school will leave their influence in some degree, -and whether it is much or little, it will never be for anything but -good. - -I give my boy the Bible to study and the Golden Rule to live by. I -teach him to speak or think deprecatingly of no religious faith, and -show him that all are working for the betterment of man. - -From his infancy I guard him from superstition and discourage the fear -of fancied dangers. I do not believe it is necessary for a boy, at any -age, to fear the dark. Mine never did. Fear of the dark is born of -suggestion, and he has been successfully guarded from any word that -would couple darkness with danger. Throughout his entire childhood he -never sensed the usual terrors of the unlighted room and the darkened -passage. I would never confirm even the Santa Claus myth, though I did -not dissuade him from it, because I well remember the added joy it -brought to me when I was a boy. When the question was put to me I said: -“I shall not tell you because the mystery of Christmas adds much to -your enjoyment of it. Believe it or not, as you choose; I have nothing -to say.” With this pleasant exception he has never asked me a question -that I have not answered truthfully and as completely as I could. - -I live close to my boy, and by so doing I find his level and see his -narrowed horizon as he sees it. When he was only six we lived together -in the woods, slept under the same blanket, fished and sailed and took -our daily swim together. Beginning at that early age we have sat by the -campfire at night and talked of the stars and the moon and the strange -noises of the wood. Nowhere can you get as close to your boy as you can -out under the sky with only Nature about you. It would be a splendid -thing if every father could devote a few weeks each year to “roughing -it” with his boy. Besides the opportunities it offers for community of -thought, it brings out a phase of the boy’s character that under other -conditions might never come to the surface. I recall one evening, as -the boy and I were lolling on the bank of a river, how he astonished -me by exclaiming: “See! What a beautiful sunset!” He had seen the sun -go down many times over the housetops of the town, but it needed the -solitude of that particular place and time to give him an appreciation -of its beauties. Unexpectedly there was disclosed to me an æsthetic -side of his nature that I had never known. - -These are opportunities that open peculiarly to the father, and he -should take advantage of them. - -I believe that every boy should be encouraged to acquire a college -education and that he should be made to pay for it. We hear a good -deal of talk nowadays about the lack of real advantage that the college -man has over the other fellow. Thousands of college men fail in their -struggles with the work-a-day world, and often you find a degree man -working in a subordinate capacity to a man of his own age who missed -a college education. It is a fact, too, that the honour men of our -colleges rarely distinguish themselves in their chosen professions. -But none of these things prove anything, because the personal equation -has to be reckoned in. I believe that the young man who takes his -college course and takes it seriously is better fitted for the work -of life than he would otherwise have been. The unschooled man who -succeeds would have succeeded with more ease and to a higher standard -had he been schooled. The college man who fails would have failed more -miserably had he been untrained. I believe that failure of an educated -man is in spite of his education, and not because of it. - -If you want to make sure that your boy is going to use his college -education to the best advantage, let him pay his way. The failures that -our institutions of learning turn out are not the men who work their -way through; they are the sons of the affluent, the little brothers -of the rich. The boy who drives the hay-rake or works behind the -counter of his father’s store in vacation time is rarely found among -the derelicts. Let the boy share the cost with you, and you need have -no fear that either the time or money spent for education will go for -naught. - -From the first time that he trots over to the candy store with his -penny, the boy should be trained to know the intrinsic value of money. -Encourage him in moderate frugality, not because the accumulation of -money is a desideratum, but because profligacy is bad for the morals. - -Whether it is the mother or the father who takes especial charge of -the boy, or both, they should aim steadfastly to have his complete -confidence always. He should be made to feel that they are not only -dearer to him, but nearer to him than any one else in the world. - -If a condition of implicit confidence can be established between you -and the boy, you can depend upon him to be receptive of the good which -you seek to charge him with. - -Then, with truth as his anchor, no storm of the outer world can sweep -him beyond the influence of home. The bulwark of the good character -that you have builded will stand throughout his lifetime. - - - - -IV - -A TALK AT CHRISTMAS TIME - - -On a Christmas Eve some thirty-odd years ago a very small boy, guarded -on either side by sisters older than himself, knelt at the low sill of -his bedroom window and looked wonderingly out into the night. Above was -the sky, studded with twinkling stars. Below was a soft, silent blanket -of white--the unsullied snow of a northern winter. Everything was very -still. - -The boy looked first at the sky. Being of the baby age when the -children of the wise are put to bed with the sun, the night sky was -more mystic than the snow. There were so many of those stars, and -they appeared to be twinkling at him with cheerful friendliness. One -attracted him particularly. It did not twinkle and was not so merry as -the others, but it was larger and shone with a bright, steady glow. It -seemed to be reaching down toward the boy as though it would speak to -him. - -He recalled the story that had been told him only the day before, the -story of the first Christmas and of three wise men who had been guided -to the manger wherein lay the infant Christ; and the thought came to -him that this, perhaps, was the star that led them. The suggestion of -the manger brought the boy’s eyes downward to the snow-topped stable -opposite his window; and from the stable he turned to the white-roofed -houses with their chimneys still smoking from the evening fires. He -wondered if Santa Claus would have to wait till all the fires were out -before he could make his rounds. - -How white everything was and how still! A sense of delicious mystery -crept over him. He heard the sound of distant sleigh-bells. They drew -nearer and jingled more tunefully. One of his guardians caught his hand -in hers and held up a warning finger. They listened. - -“Quick! Maybe it’s Santa Claus!” whispered the guardians in unison; and -the three scampered to their beds and disappeared beneath the blankets. -Five minutes later the little boy was fast asleep. - -The little boy was myself, and the incident is the first Christmas that -I can recall. I recount it because it seems to illustrate the natural -coalescence of the mythical idea with the historical idea of the great -world holiday. - -Too often, I think, the real significance of our holidays is lost -in the merriment of celebrating them. Every child is entitled to a -thorough explanation and a lasting impression of the incident which -Christmas commemorates. In shaping the Christmas idea in the boy’s mind -we should begin at the beginning. If the story of the Star of Bethlehem -is told in the right way and at the right time, it may be depended upon -to survive the myths and the merry-making with which the atmosphere is -charged during the festal period. - -And this need not militate against the development of the Santa Claus -side of the celebration, for the one amplifies the other. Unselfish -giving is the keynote to both, and the child-mind easily comprehends -the application of the modern custom to the ancient story. - -In the bringing up of my boy I have been a stickler for truth. Absolute -confidence between father and son, mother and child, has been my -plea and my practice, always. Yet, while not going out of my way to -encourage the Santa Claus myth, I have most cheerfully tolerated it. -It is the one mystery of childhood that I do not explain, and my reason -for excepting it from the calendar of candour is that the end justifies -the means. - -I would not rob the boy of a fiction that has not one harmful -possibility, and that brings so much gladness into the home, and into -his heart. I would not deny him a kind of pleasure that added so much -to the joy of my own childhood. But, and paramount to every other -consideration, the great unassailable justification of the Santa Claus -myth is the remarkable lesson it teaches. - -With reasonable reservations for the unusual I may say that never, -after the Santa Claus age, does a man or a woman either practise or -experience that remarkable unselfishness of the parents who conceal -their bounteousness behind a fiction. After childhood we continue to -give and take. We give to our brothers and sisters, to our parents and -to all whom we love. It is our pleasure to add to their happiness; but -it is also our pleasure to feel that they know it is we who have so -contributed to their enjoyment. - -Not so in Santa Claus land. There, and there only, is found the -absolute submergence of self, the sincerely impersonal benefaction. As -a child, coming down to the dazzling Christmas tree, I said: “How good -is Santa Claus!” But in after years when I began to realise that every -one of those trees of joy had come from my good father, who had tramped -out into the woods to cut them and had hauled them over the hills for -miles, sometimes through a blinding blizzard,--then I said: “How great -is a parent’s love!” - -When the boy arrives at the age of serious reasoning, say six or seven, -and asks me point-blank if there is really a Santa Claus, I meet the -question fairly. I simply decline to answer and give him my reason for -so doing. I explain to him that half the fun of the holiday lies in -the mystery surrounding St. Nicholas. I tell him, good-humouredly but -positively, that he must solve the Santa Claus problem himself. - -By taking this position I keep square with the boy, and at the same -time he is not disillusionised, for he is as willing to cling to the -romance as I am to have him--and more so. - -The custom, particularly prevalent in the large cities, of conducting -the boy through the toy department of the stores when the big holiday -stocks are on display, is to be deplored. The lavish exhibitions -paraded before his eyes cannot fail to dull his appreciation of the -home Christmas. - -In arranging my boy’s Christmas I strive for simplicity. It was -Nerissa, I think, in the “Merchant of Venice,” who said: “They are as -sick who surfeit with too much, as they that starve with nothing.” The -rich--sometimes--pity the poor at Christmas. - -This is well, for pity looses a purse-string occasionally, and Heaven -knows there are enough tight ones! But the fact is, that the children -of the moderately poor often get more real joy to a square inch of a -Christmas morning than many a little brother of the rich. There can be -no great pleasure in receiving when there has been no genuine longing. -Only the child who has known want can fully relish realisation. - -A few modest gifts, judiciously selected, are more permanently -satisfying than a lavish display, indiscriminately gathered. I always -try to supply my boy with one thing that he most desires, or with a -fair compromise between it and what I can afford to buy. If I can -meet his anticipations fully in this one gift I do so; but it must be -something of a substantial and permanent nature. After which, if my -purse permits, I amplify this with a few things of lesser cost and more -trivial in character. - -And here let me record a protest against that modern unnecessary, -the perfected toy. By the perfected toy I mean the toy that is not -a plaything, but an ingenious contrivance so perfected mechanically -that it leaves nothing for the child to do. I protest against the toy -that leaves absolutely nothing to either the fancy or the ingenuity -of the boy. The imaginative faculty of a child is constantly reaching -out for something upon which it may feed and develop. This propensity -is stifled by the perfected toy. The railroad outfit that goes into -complete operation at the turn of a lever; the doll that walks and -talks and has an elaborate trousseau; the soldier equipments that fit a -boy out in military style from head to toe--these and all like them are -praiseworthy examples of the commercial instinct of the toymakers; but -they do not meet the requirements of the child. - -And if the juvenile mind were capable of self-analysis it would reject -them. I learned this first from a little girl of three years. She had -been deluged with presents that Christmas morning; but before an hour -had passed she had looked them all over, and we found her curled up in -an armchair, playing with a clothes-pin and an empty baking-powder can! -Hers was the happiness found only in the land of Make-Believe. - -Instead of giving my boy a soldier outfit, I would give him a -pocket-knife--assuming that he is old enough to wield one. Having a -new knife, he is ambitious to use it, and he fashions a sword out of -a stick of pine. The sword suggests playing soldier, and he proceeds -to make a peaked hat out of a newspaper; a skate-strap answers for a -belt, and he makes a pair of epaulets from a scrap of tin-foil. In this -way the boy is duly benefited: in creating these things his ingenuity -is drawn upon, and, in supplying things that he cannot make, his -imagination is exercised. - -One can hardly begin too early to teach the child the pleasure of -giving. A few pennies taken by him from his own little bank, and an -excursion to a neighbouring store, will initiate the idea. A mere -trinket for each member of the household will serve the purpose and put -him on the right track. But we must go further than the family circle -with the Christmas idea. We must show the boy that while charity begins -at home, it does not end there. - -One day shortly before Christmas, I took the boy to the closet where -his discarded toys were kept, and I said: - -“There are millions of children in the world, and there are not always -toys enough to go around. If you will tell me which of these things -you do not play with any more, I will see that they are distributed -on Christmas Day among little boys and girls who otherwise would get -nothing.” - -He looked the things over carefully, and said finally that there was -nothing that he would like to give away. I did not urge the matter; but -the next day I invited him to take a ride with me on the street-car. -Alighting at City Hall Park, we walked down the Bowery. Arriving at -Pell Street, I found Chuck Connors sunning himself on the corner. - -“Chuck,” I said, “I have a dollar in my pocket that isn’t busy, and I -want you to take me to some one who needs it more than you or me.” - -So off we trudged, Chuck and I, and the boy between. A few blocks -farther down we turned toward the river. It was familiar ground to -Chuck and me--but the boy’s eyes were opened to a new world. He saw the -misery of the slums. He passed a boy of his own age, barefooted--in -December--staggering under a load of scrap-wood that would have -troubled a man to bear. He saw a little girl, half clad, shivering -behind an ash-can, trying to hide herself from her drunken father, -who leered at the waif from a hallway across the street. Pushing on -into the very heart of that pitiable section, through poverty, want -and wretchedness, the boy went with us through a miserable tenement, -wherein the spectre of Starvation stalked through the sordid halls and -snarled at my dollar bill. - -On the car, homeward bound, the boy tugged at my elbow. - -“Father,” he said, “besides what’s in the closet, they’s a lot of other -things I don’t play with any more.” - -Ever since then we have had an annual house-cleaning about a week -before Christmas, and the Salvation Army wagon carries away a goodly -load. Indeed, the event has come to be regarded as quite a festal -occasion. - -As the years go on and the boy begins to leave playland behind, I would -not hurry him into the realism of the grown-up’s Yuletide. Let the -charm of mystery, of certainty, of anticipation, linger as long as it -will. - -Perhaps last year you thought it was a bit incongruous when you found -yourself slipping a safety razor into a gaily-hued sock, size ten, -dangling in the chimney-corner. And perhaps you have decided that he -is too big for that sort of thing now, and that you will let it go by -default this Christmas. Maybe you are about to tell him so. - -My friend, defer it. - -Stick right on in the old way as long as you can get the boy to stick -with you; for, once you have severed the ties of the Christmas of his -childhood, you will have cut the tinsel thread that links your son to -the only fairyland he will ever know. - - - - -V - -THE DYNASTY OF THE DIME NOVEL - - -My neighbour ran in at the basement door as was his wont. Coming -lightly up the stairs he entered the library, and not finding me there, -but hearing a voice beyond, he walked across the room and looked in at -the open doorway of my den, where he stood for a moment, unobserved. - -This is what he saw: - -The boy, then scarcely nine, stretched out comfortably on a sofa, -reading aloud; I reclining in an easy-chair with my slippered feet in -another, and listening intently; a bright light shining over the boy’s -shoulder and flooding the room. - -My neighbour paused long enough to hear these words fall from the -reader’s lips in boyish monotone: - -“The crack of a Winchester sounded on the night air and the engineer -fell dead!” - -Then he interrupted. - -“Well, in the name of reason,” he said, “what are you folks reading?” - -The boy and I looked up. I took the book from the youngster’s hand and -passed it up to the intruder. - -“The life and adventures of Jesse James,” I said. - -My neighbour took the book gingerly, read the title and glanced -at the cover, upon which were pictured in vivid colours three -desperate-looking gentlemen in black masks, holding up a train. - -“And you are reading this--together?” he asked. - -“Yes,” said I; “taking turns at it, he a chapter and I a chapter.” - -My neighbour shrugged his shoulders and returned the volume, dusting -his fingers. - -“Don’t you think he would get to this sort of stuff soon -enough--without you helping him?” - -“He arrived there to-day,” I said; “and I’m there with him.” - -There you have it--the great difference of viewpoint: my neighbour -looking at it from where he stands and I looking at it from the -standpoint of my boy. My neighbour convinced that I was starting my -beloved son on the highroad to a criminal career; I calm and confident, -and cocksure that I am doing what is best for the boy. And I guess if -we were to take the vote of Parenthood on the issue, my side would go -down to overwhelming defeat. - -Now, my father says that up to the time he departed from the parental -roof there were only two books in the home that he was permitted to -read--the Bible and Foxe’s “Martyrs.” From his tenth to his seventeenth -year he was actually starving, he said, for the want of stories of -adventure. Once, when he was fourteen, a departing visitor left a copy -of “Scottish Chiefs.” This he seized upon and was devouring it in the -attic when discovery by his stern pater cut him off in the middle of -a most exciting battle. The book was confiscated and he was soundly -chastised. “And do you know,” adds my father ruefully, “it was three -years before I learned how that fight came out!” - -Perhaps that’s why he gave me a freer hand in my selections when I was -a kid. He did, anyway. All that he required was that it must be free -from any suggestion of the obscene and of sacrilege. Like most boys I -began my independent reading with “Grimm’s Fairy Tales,” “Robinson -Crusoe,” “Swiss Family Robinson,” “Arabian Nights” and books of the -sort that boys usually receive as gifts. From these I jumped to the -nickel and dime variety. There were one or two good juvenile magazines -coming into the home, but they were not sufficient. I waded through all -the “Smart Aleck” books, including “Peck’s Bad Boy.” I took the thrills -with the ten-cent detective heroes of the Old Sleuth and Nick Carter -type, and revelled in the more or less historical exploits of David -Crockett, Kit Carson, Daniel Boone and Buffalo Bill. - -At fourteen I had run the gamut of cheap literature. I do not mean -that I read every “penny-dreadful” in existence, for the list is -endless--there is a new one every day. But I had “got my skin full” and -the stuff began to pall. After reading a good number of these books, -even a boy feels their want of the convincing quality. He feels, too, -their sameness and their unrealness. - -Then I approached the modern style and the truer type of boy books, -stories of the Alger, Oliver Optic and G. A. Henty kind; and then -the better type of adventure stories, such as “Treasure Island” and -“King Solomon’s Mines.” Then I drifted into Wilkie Collins’ creations, -reading only the more exciting ones--“The Moonstone” and “The Dead -Alive.” After that came Edgar Allan Poe and Charles Reade; and before -I was sixteen I had got into Scott, Thackeray and Dickens. And here I -anchored. Since then, of course, I have voyaged far and wide in all -directions, but Dickens is my snug harbour, and will be to the end. No -boy could revel--shall I say wallow?--in trashy literature more than -I did; but search as I will, I cannot see where it left a trace of an -influence on my conduct or my character. I do not think it was owing -to any want of physical courage; because I know that I did my share -of fighting and took as many beatings with a dry eye as the others; a -little more of both, in fact, than it would become me to boast about. -But I never robbed a bank or had any desire to; I never craved the -career of a detective keenly enough to try my hand at it, and while at -one time I did yearn for a chance to battle single-handed with a band -of Sioux warriors, the desire never led me into more dangerous quarters -than a seat at the Wild West Show. Was I different from other boys? My -mother says certainly I was, and very much better. God bless her! My -father says I was about like the rest. My teacher--he is a prominent -member of the New York bar now, and I put the question to him squarely -just the other day--tells me frankly that I was the worst boy in -school. The three estimates, averaged, would make me an average boy, -and I think my experience as to the effect of reading material was -about the usual experience of boys in general. - -They pass through the age of blood-and-thunder literature just as they -have mumps, measles and marbles, and are none the better and but little -the worse for having gone through it. As water finds its level, so the -temperament eventually finds its affinity in reading matter. - -“There is no book so bad,” said the elder Pliny, “but that some good -might be got out of it.” - -I know that some boys who read cheap literature go to the bad. But I -have never seen it established that the reading was responsible for the -waywardness. I do not deny that, granting the existence of a tendency -toward a life of crime, certain types of stories might encourage -the tendency. But the influence of this stuff is so slight that the -avoidance of it would not prevent the downward step. - -Many a boy, fascinated by the glamour of the circus, has run away with -one. Still, this does not make the circus reprehensible nor would I, -because of that circumstance, deny my boy the pleasure of attending it. -On the contrary, I go with him to the circus and sit beside him. We -munch peanuts joyously, but I warn him to beware of the red lemonade -and tell him why it is sometimes unwholesome. He sees the show from -start to finish--under my direction. And when he has seen it I reveal -to him the reverse side of the picture--I give him a peep behind the -scenes. I tell him of the hardships and privations of a showman’s life, -the long night rides, the harsh discipline, the perils and dangers of -it. - -This is exactly my attitude toward the boy’s early reading. I do not -throw wide open the doors of the paper-cover library and push him into -it. But if he shows a desire to explore it, I go with him. Wherever I -can save him time and eyestrain by a friendly suggestion, I am there to -make it. When I find him reading “Cut-Throat Charley, the Terror of the -Spanish Main,” I do not pooh-pooh the book or make sport of the boy. -I do tell him that the best pirate story ever written is Stevenson’s -“Treasure Island” and tell him that if he wants a shipwreck story that -will make his hair stand up he ought to read Poe’s “Arthur Gordon Pym” -or Reade’s “Foul Play.” Once he has read either of these, you may -depend upon it that “Cut-Throat Charley” will never ring true. - -When he takes up Mr. Nicholas Carter I suggest “The Mystery of the Rue -Morgue,” “Les Misérables” and “Sherlock Holmes,” and other detective -stories of the better class. - -My boy had been learning from other boys something of the exploits -of Jesse James and asked me if I would get the book. I agreed to it, -readily. Somewhat to my surprise I found that since my time the list -of James books had been increased to thirty-six. Thirty-five of these -were “pot-boilers”; “Jesse James’ Nemesis,” “Jesse James’ Revenge,” -“Jesse James’ Long Chance,” “Jesse James’ Mistake,” and so on. I passed -these over, of course, and invested fifteen cents in “The James Boys, -Jesse and Frank,” which was the book I had read when I was a youngster. -It was a plain record of the men’s exploits, compiled from newspaper -clippings of that period. I explained to the boy that the others were -largely imaginative--unreal. We read the book together. Then we read -the story of Cole Younger and his brothers and later that of the -criminal career of Harry Tracy, the infamous outlaw of the Northwest. -Together we enjoyed the romance, such as there was, of their exploits; -together we discussed the animal courage and moral cowardice of their -careers; and together we followed them to the punishment which they so -richly deserved. - -Had my boy evinced a desire to read the remaining thirty-five James -books, I would not have restrained him, farther than to suggest a -change. It so happened that when he had finished the three books -mentioned he had had enough of these distinguished gentlemen and their -ilk, and began casting about in other directions. - -So my message on the reading subject is, don’t think that the boy’s -craving for the nickel library is an indication of depravity, or that -indulgence in it will start him on the road to perdition. The appetite -for these books is a normal one. It develops at a time when his -appreciation of romance is in full bloom but while big words, subtle -phrasing and genuine ingenuity are not yet within his comprehension. -It demands quick action and quick results, stripped of the artistic -setting and higher polish which are demanded by the refinement of -matured intellect. - -Do not regard this kind of reading as a menace to the boy’s morals, -but as a stepping-stone to something better and more beneficial. Do -not, either by rule or ridicule, drive the boy from his home to seek -it, but stay with him and guide him through it. Keep him well supplied -with good books and good magazines that approach, as nearly as you can -judge, the requirement of his fancy. Watch him, but do not worry him. -Have the better things at hand and accessible and point the way to -them. Rest assured that in due time Cut-Throat Charley will have lost -his charm, and a hero more worthy of emulation will stand in his shoes. - - - - -VI - -THE SIN OF SEX SECRECY - - -Let us suppose that our country has become involved in a war. At the -edge of your town a battle rages. You can hear the roar of cannon and -clash of steel as columns of men fall in their blood, cut down by the -flashing sabres and flying canister. Re-enforcements are hurrying -to the scene. Up the street comes a regiment of soldiers with flags -waving, drums beating and arms gleaming in the sunshine. Your son, your -boy, standing in the doorway, laughs and cheers as they approach. The -band strikes up a lively air. The boy beats time with his feet, starts, -hesitates and then, with a wave of his cap, falls in line with the gay -procession and marches joyously toward the scene of death and carnage. - -Madam, at such a moment what would you do? Would you sit calmly at your -window and see him go innocently, blindly on to the danger that you -knew lay just beyond the turn of the road? - -Would you not fly to his side and draw him back and hold him tight in -your arms? And if he were big and strong and insistent, though still -your boy, would you not at least tell him that war is not all music and -drum-beats and bright uniforms? Would you not warn him of its dangers, -of its horrors? If he must go and you could not hold him, would you let -him go unwarned of its realities--and unarmed? - -Well, there is a war in progress--in our country, in your town; a war -more terrible, more revolting than any chronicled in history. The youth -of America are marching toward the battleground, and the splendid -column is passing your window now, to-day and every day. Perhaps you -do not see the conflict yourself, for the battlefield is always just -around the corner. - -As sure as you have a son, just so sure will he some day turn that -corner. Just so sure will he some day stand on your doorstep, and feel -the lure of the passing show, and just so sure will he some time be -drawn into the conflict, when he will have to fight his way through as -best he can. At six he is in your arms; at sixteen he will be on the -firing-line; at twenty-six the ordeal will have passed and the battle -will have been lost or won. Can you then look backward into the past -and feel that you had warned and fortified him? - -I can. Whatever may be in store for my boy, he goes to meet it with -more than my prayers--he has, also, a full knowledge of life’s -mysteries. He shares with me a thorough understanding of the evils -that may beset him. If my affectionate admonitions can help him, he -has them; if my mistakes of the past serve as danger signals along -his pathway, he knows of them; if my longer experience and broader -knowledge of the world’s ways can save him, he shall escape the snares -and pitfalls that await the heedless step of the untaught and untold -young. - -Before he was seven I had told him whence we come. Scraps of -conversation overheard on the street between his own playfellows warned -me that the time had come and made my duty clear. I saw the pity of it! -My boy, whom I had taught to look trustfully to me for the truth at all -times and about all things; my boy hearing distorted and vulgarised -bits of knowledge that should have come to him solemnly and sacredly -from the parent whom he had learned to look upon as the fountainhead! - -This is what I told him: - -“God made everything, as you know. He made the sea and the land, the -sky and the stars and the sun and the moon. He makes the trees and the -plants and the animals and the boys and the girls who grow to be men -and women. But when I say God makes these things I do not mean that -He makes them with tools, as you would make a playhouse, or with His -hands, as you would make a snow-man. He makes all of these things by -a great plan which He has laid out and by which all things, with His -help, spring up and grow, over and over again, so that the world may go -on just as it is for years and years. By this plan all living things -come from a seed. This seed is within all grown-up plants and grown-up -animals. When a new plant is needed, a seed falls from the grown-up -plant and falls into the soil, where it sprouts and becomes a young -plant. Every kind of animal is composed of two sexes, the male sex and -the female sex. The fathers are of the male sex; the mothers of the -female sex. As the seed of plants is within the flower, so the seed of -animals is within the mother animal. When a new animal is needed the -seed within the mother slowly grows into a young animal like the father -or mother, and while it is still very small it comes out into the light -and sunshine; and that is what we mean when we say it is born. Men and -women are animals. They are different from all other animals in that -they can talk and think and are much higher and better in every way. -But the seed forms within the mother just as it does within the plants -and birds and animals of all kinds. And when another child is needed -the seed begins to grow and takes the form of a little child and after -awhile it comes into the world to be dressed and fed and cared for; -that is what we mean when we say that a babe has been born. That is how -you came into the world and how I came and how all of us came. It is -all a part of God’s wonderful plan to keep the world growing greater -and better and more beautiful. It is not good for boys to talk about -these beautiful things in a rough way, and I hope you will not do so. -I tell them to you because I want you to know the truth. If there is -anything you do not understand, ask me and I will explain it. Whatever -you may hear, no matter whether it is good or bad, if you want to know -the truth about it come to me and I will tell you.” - -That was all. Science in words of two syllables. Science is truth, and -truth is what your boy demands. - -My boy took me at my word. He came back for further enlightenment -more than once. But every time I answered him soberly, freely and -truthfully. And when he knew everything he was immune to that -contamination which mystery breeds. And what is more, the parent -had measured up to the child’s ideal. The father was still the -fountainhead; and no boy will drink from the stagnant pool of vulgarity -when the clear crystal water of truth is close at hand. - - * * * * * - -Revealing the science of propagation to the child-boy is, after all, -only the first step toward unfolding the many facts of sex--facts that -are made mysteries through the inexcusable selfishness--or modesty, -if you prefer to call it that--of mothers and fathers. If sealing the -secrets of sex is an injustice to the boy of six, it is a scarlet sin -against the youth of sixteen. At six he is looking at life curiously -from the family dooryard--within the mother’s call; but at sixteen -or soon thereafter, he strides out into the street, marches down the -highway and turns the corner. He is on the firing-line. Now comes a -crisis in the boy’s life so acute, so grave that I approach the subject -with trepidation. My poor pen, tempered by that delicacy demanded of -printed words, seems incapable of the task before me. And I approach -it also with reverence because I look upon it as an almost divine -privilege to be permitted to discuss with an army of mothers a problem -which I regard as the great tragedy of American youth. - - * * * * * - -Nature is good, Nature is provident, but above all Nature is -self-preservative. Go to your naturalists, your entomologists, and they -will all tell you that the law of perpetuation is first and foremost -among all living things. Man is no exception. Your boy, just coming -into his maturity, is in this respect like unto all other growing -things that God has made. As he ripens toward manhood this instinct -becomes more manifest within him. Vaguely, perhaps, he recognises its -import, but in the main it is a mystery. In a general way he may reason -out its purpose; but how can he know its humanised limitations? How -can he know that the refining process of civilisation has demanded a -check upon the exercise of Nature’s functions? And--here is the vital -issue--how shall he know of the dread penalties Nature sometimes exacts -when these restraints are violated? Why is it that the loving father -and mother, who labour with him and watch over him and shield him -through childhood, decline to raise a finger of warning against the -grim spectre of disease that stalks behind the painted faces of the -underworld? Must it be written, to the shame of human parenthood, that -the very horror of this evil stays the warning hand? Or does the mother -fall into that too common error of thinking that this evil of evils is -open to every boy but her own? Then listen to this, which I quote from -an eminent authority: - - “Take a group of one hundred young men--those from eighteen - to twenty-five years of age--and seventy-five of these will - be found to be suffering either from the effects of venereal - diseases or still in an acute stage of one of them.” - -Mothers, let not your eyes be blinded to a condition that medical -records have proven to be a fact. It may be your boy and it may be mine. - -The chances of its being mine are reduced to the minimum--_because my -boy will know_. The revelation, as I make it, is so simple and yet so -complete, that it could be accomplished with equal ease by mother or -father. When he is about sixteen I place in his hand a book that tells -him all, and I say to him: “My boy, when you are alone, read this.[1] -There are truths in it which you should know.” From that hour the -“great social peril” must fight my son in the open. He knows all that -science can teach--all that parents can tell. - - [1] There are several good books designed for this purpose. - “Confidential Chats with Boys,” and “Plain Facts on Sex - Hygiene,” are two in a series on this subject by Wm. Lee - Howard, M.D., and published by E. J. Clode, 156 Fifth Avenue, - New York. - -I am going to say now what I should have said at the outset--that the -father, though he may leave every other phase of the boy’s development -to the mother, should take the initiative in sex enlightenment. He -should regard it as his peculiar right, his sacred privilege, to point -out the devious paths through which he himself may have threaded his -way from youth to man’s estate. There are no barriers between me and my -boy. The oneness of affection and the sameness of sex easily compass -the disparity in years. He grows older but I do not, for I am waiting -for him. In fact I am going back to him--I am meeting him halfway. Our -play is as boy with boy. Our talks are as man to man. - -In a relationship like this there are no “sex secrets.” There is no ice -to break, because the transmission of knowledge is consistent, gradual -and unconscious. But when the father fails in his duty and the mother -has to step into the breach, it is different, I concede. There is a -certain reserve which is womanly, and perhaps not unmotherly. Still, -mother’s love is a poor thing if it cannot break down that slender -wall to save the boy. And mother’s love is not a poor thing, but a -great power. So if mothers can only be made to see why it must be done, -and when and how, I believe they will do it. - -This is an appeal not to parental love only, but to parental reason. It -is made not by a purist, but by one who has travelled the road by which -all boys must go, and who knows its every crook and turn. It is a plea -in behalf of the American boy, who asks only that he be given a torch -to light his way. - - - - -VII - -THE WEED AND THE WINECUP - - -In the past fiscal year there were smoked in the United States nearly -two million cigarettes more than in any previous year of the nation’s -history; and the consumption of distilled spirits, exclusive of wines -and beers, broke the record of the preceding year by twenty-three -million gallons. - -Now, there is nothing particularly remarkable about these figures -except as they signify that we, as a nation, are smoking and drinking -considerably more than we used to, which in turn suggests the question: -To what extent are our boys responsible for the increase? I’m sure I -don’t know, and I can’t see any way of finding out. But I do know, -from daily observation, that the tobacco and strong drink habits are -formed in boyhood more commonly than there is any need of. I do know -that a great many young men acquire a taste for cigarettes and whiskey -while yet in their teens, purely through lack of the proper parental -influence and instruction. - -To me this seems pitiable, especially because it is so obviously -unnecessary. The parents’ duty is clear. It is amenable to a hard and -fast rule to which there need be no exception, from which there should -be no deviation. The boy should be made to abstain from liquor and -tobacco until he is twenty-one. - -How can you keep him from them? Facts, logic, reason. By these means -and only these, can you get the boy on the right track and be sure that -he will stick. Threats, coercion, exaggerations, bribes or pleadings -will accomplish nothing dependable. At this stage in his career you -can tell him what to do, but you must also tell him why. - -A lady once said to me: “You believe that the parent should live -according to the principle he teaches the child. Then, how can you deny -your son tobacco, with a lighted cigar between your lips?” - -The answer to this brings us to the nib of the tobacco question. The -child is put to bed at seven o’clock, although the parents may not -retire until eleven. The child takes milk at breakfast and the parents -may have coffee. The father may devote ten hours of the day to work, -but this would not be well for the child. Many things that the man may -do with impunity are not good for the growing boy. - -This is exactly what I tell my boy, and he sees the logic of it: While -a boy is growing he should take nothing into his system that is not -nutritious and he should particularly abstain from anything that may -retard the development of his bodily organs, even in the slightest -degree. Every pulsation of the heart, every expansion of the lung -cells, every function of the nerves must do its work unimpeded while -the frame is lengthening and broadening into the proportions of a man. -Once the frame is completely developed the organs merely have to renew -the old tissues. But during the growing period they have not only to -renew the old but to create additional flesh, blood and bone to meet -the demands of the increasing bulk. There are two chemicals in tobacco, -pyridine and nicotine, that have a restraining effect upon the heart, -lungs and nerves. If you give them the additional burden of carrying -off these two poisonous chemicals, the building up of the tissues is -sure to suffer. If you do not feel bad results from it in youth, you -will certainly feel them in later years. - -Said my boy to me: “I know a chap who smokes cigarettes; and he does a -hundred yards in eleven seconds.” “That’s too bad,” said I, “for just -so sure as he does it in eleven seconds with the cigarette handicap, he -could do it in ten and a half without it. And if this boy is running -for an organised athletic department like that of a college or an -established club, the training rules will forbid him the use of tobacco -for a certain period before the day of the contests. Ask any athletic -coach about tobacco and he will tell you to ‘cut it out.’ Ask any -physician about it--even one who is himself a smoker--and he will tell -you that no matter how strong and well a growing youth who smokes may -be, he would be a good degree stronger and better if he did not use -tobacco. You would like to arrive at manhood, as nearly physically -perfect as you can, wouldn’t you? You have not as yet acquired a taste -for tobacco, have you? Well, then, do you not see that by abstaining -from it you have something to gain and absolutely nothing to lose? Let -tobacco alone until you are twenty-one. I might better say twenty-five, -for that is the accepted age of maturity. But we will put it at -twenty-one and perhaps by that time you will add a few years’ more -abstinence of your own volition.” - -Mothers, do not go beyond facts in pleading against the cigarette. Do -not tell your boy that cigarettes contain opiates, because they do not. -I have been through dozens of cigarette factories and have followed -the process of manufacture from the raw leaf to the finished article. -The better grades contain absolutely nothing but pure tobacco of the -mildest kind. In the cheaper grades a little harmless glycerine is -sometimes used to relieve the harsh taste of the tobacco. No harmful -drugs are employed. The paper wrappers are purer and less irritating -than the tobacco. Cigarette paper is the purest paper manufactured. The -danger of the cigarette is, first, that its cheapness appeals to the -boy who would not think of buying cigars; and second, its very mildness -encourages the young man to increase his smoking until he drifts into -excessiveness without knowing it. Consumed in moderation, it is the -least harmful form in which tobacco is used. But cigarettes or cigars, -or tobaccos in any shape whatever, are not good for the growing boy. - -Mothers, this is the truth about tobacco, and this is what you -should tell your boy. Do not say that cigarette smoking leads to the -penitentiary or the madhouse, because it doesn’t, and the boy knows -better. The principal of my boy’s school walks by every day with a -cigar in his mouth. He is near seventy and a good citizen. Do not say -tobacco creates an appetite for strong drink, because it is not true, -and the boy will not believe it. Do not say that smoking wrecks the -nervous system, because in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred it does -nothing of the sort, and the boy, who is constantly observing the man, -will not be convinced. Tell him the plain truth as I have written it, -and he will see the consistency of your reasoning. - - * * * * * - -Strong drink is no relative of tobacco. The only similitude between the -subjects is that they are both unnecessaries, if I may coin the word, -to the boy’s career. I have little to say about strong drink, because, -while it is a matter of vital importance to the boy, it is a problem -which our mothers appear to have pretty well in hand. The great -majority, I believe, proceed on the theory that alcohol is not good -for anybody, is ruinous to many, and, therefore, should be kept out -of the home and away from the boy. There are a minority, however, who -reason differently--thuswise: That drink is not harmful except to those -who make it so by excessive use; that the boy who is carefully guarded -against it in the home will the easier fall a victim to it when he gets -beyond the home influence and the home restraint; and, _per contra_, -that the boy who is permitted to become familiar with the use of it -moderately in the home, will acquire temperance at the same time and be -the better fitted to combat with its attending evils when he eventually -goes out into the world. - -To the majority first mentioned I have but this to say: Go on; you are -doing well. - -But to this minority I want to say: Stop! For the love of the God who -made you, stop! You are on the wrong track. And I’ll tell you why. - -If alcoholism were only a habit, like the use of tobacco, there might -be a thread of practicability in your line of reasoning. But alcoholism -is more than a habit--it is a disease. There are alcoholic wards in -the hospitals, there are sanitariums devoted exclusively to persons -afflicted with it, there are physicians who specialise in the treatment -of it. Some people are immune to it; others are not. I am, it so -happens, and perhaps you are--but is your boy? - -Science has lately ascertained that none are born consumptives. Some -may be born with a tendency for the disease, or they may be born -without that tendency and subsequently acquire the disease. The same is -true of alcohol. - -I have no reason to believe that my boy would be particularly -susceptible to tuberculosis. Nevertheless, I do not propose to expose -him to it. His window is kept open while he sleeps, he is encouraged to -spend much time out of doors, he is given breathing exercises daily, -he is taught to take precautions against infection when near any one -afflicted with the disease. - -Nor have I any grounds for believing that my boy has inherited the -condition that develops alcoholism. Looking back into his ancestry, I -find some non-abstainers but no drunkards. I, his father, am absolutely -immune to it. Neither a total abstainer nor, in my youth, even a -temperatist, I have walked arm in arm with it, but found nothing to -attract or allure. - -But does this justify me in deliberately exposing my boy to it? - -I do not know how he is equipped for it and there is no way of -ascertaining. You can take your boy to the doctor and he will tell -you whether or not his condition is favourable to consumption. But -alcoholism is more insidious. Physicians can diagnose it but they -cannot foretell or forestall it. There are some sanitariums for -alcoholism, but there are no preventoriums. - -“But,” I am told, “if it is in him it will come out sometime. Might it -not better show itself under the watchful eye of the parents, rather -than after the boy has gone out from the home?” - -If it is in the boy, then every year that will put breadth to his -shoulders, brawn on his arm, pride in his heart, judgment into his -head and force into his character, makes him better able to cope with -the disease. No, no, a thousand times no! Do not have on your soul the -guilt of giving your boy his first taste of wine. - -We must consider latent alcoholism as a possibility in bringing up our -boys. Remember, alcoholism is not a habit only, but also a disease. It -is much more prevalent than smallpox, but for alcoholism there is no -vaccine; science offers no preventive serum. It is your sacred duty, -then, to prevent the contact, to keep out the contagion until your son -has his full growth and strength, and it is your duty to tell him the -situation as I have outlined it, so that he may know the real danger of -rum. - -Then, if the tendency is not in him, nothing has been lost, and if it -is in him, you have brought him to man’s estate well equipped to give -the evil a fair fight for supremacy. - - - - -VIII - -OUT INTO THE WORLD - - -A young man of my acquaintance, who had just finished his schooling, -came to his father one morning, flushed with pride, and holding an open -letter in his hand. - -“Father,” he said, “I’ve got a situation, and the man says I may start -to work in the morning.” - -The father took the letter and read it. - -“Do you know all about this man?” he asked. - -“Do I know him? Why, no; I don’t know him at all. But he knows all -about _me_. He looked up all my references.” - -“Of course he did,” replied the father, putting the letter into his -pocket; “and before you go to work for him I’m going to look up _his_.” - -It was a homely, up-state father who said that, but he was a wise and -a good man and I revere him. He was a father who knew the boy from the -skin in. He knew that the boy’s first employer is, in the boy’s eyes, -the greatest man in the world. He perceived that his son, who for -twenty years had looked upon him, the father, as the man of men, was -about to have set before him a new pattern, a new ideal. And out of his -heart came the question: - -“What is this man like?” - -It is a fine thing to know that you have brought your boy through that -plastic period between his cradle-hood and his majority, and to know -when he comes of age that he is clean and straight and true. It must -be gratifying indeed, when the last text-book is closed and laid away, -to see him start into the world, a man grown, with keen aspirations -and high ideals, ready and eager to grapple with the world on his own -account, and capable of taking care of himself with his own hands. - -If you have brought him through safely to this momentous hour, you have -done much. But is your task quite ended? Does your responsibility stop -here? - -That up-state father whom I have just referred to thought that it did -not; and I agree with him. I believe that the father and mother yet -have that one last touch to give to the character they have helped to -form. I believe it is their duty to see, not that the boy has a good -situation, but that he starts under a good man. - -Naturally, the employer, in most cases, is a man who has met with -some success in his business or his profession. He sits apart from -his subordinates. However much they may use their ingenuity, it is -he who shapes the policy of the business and dominates the concern. -Every one about him defers to him. Everything that is done is subject -to his approval. He is, in fine, the head and front of the entire -establishment. There are clerks and salesmen and accountants and -confidential advisers in the place, some with long experience and grey -hairs, but none are as great as he, and all look up to the place he -occupies as a position worthy of aspiring to. - -The youth enters the employ of this man fresh from school or college. -Here he gets his first insight of the career he intends to follow. If -the employer is a good man, a man of high principles, all is well. -But if he is a man of sharp practices, the boy is in danger. Having -no other standard of comparison in business life, he may fall into -the error of accepting his employer as a true type of the successful -man. He has come to this place in a receptive frame of mind. Here the -foundation of his chosen career is to be laid. Is it not probable that -he will absorb something of the morals of his superior, even though -they may not agree with the higher ideals raised in the home? When the -boy first strikes out he is, after all, only a fledgling. The family -nest has been feathered with love and care and kindness and protecting -influences. You have told him of the outside world and you have tried -to give him a clear vision. But there are some things about flying -alone that only experience can teach. You cannot always extend the home -atmosphere beyond the home, but you can do something akin to it. You -can make it your business to see that his first glimpse into the new -life reveals nothing contrary to the morals of the home. - -You can see to it that his first employer is the kind of man you would -be satisfied to have your son emulate. - - * * * * * - -In the selection of the boy’s calling it is admitted, of course, that -the boy himself is, in a large measure, the best judge. The vocation -that he inclines to most strongly is likely to be the one for which he -is best fitted. I think, however, that this rule is made too elastic at -times. - -A young man of my acquaintance thought that the stage was his calling. -The father, telling me of it in confidence, said that in his, the -father’s opinion, the boy was best suited to the law, but added that -he would say nothing, believing it to be a matter for the young man -to decide alone. The young man had an exceptionally good memory, a -fine speaking voice and the gift of oratory in a remarkable degree. He -was much of a student, prepossessing in appearance and magnetic in -personality. - -That was ten years ago and the young man has never risen above -mediocrity--and he never will. He lacked one essential to the -drama--imagination. The truth is that he should have gone into the law. -He saw the mistake in course of time, and told me so, but it was too -late. Time had elapsed and he could not turn back. - -The boy is not always a good self-analyst. He is too prone to measure -his talents perfunctorily. It does not follow that your son’s calling -is art because he can chalk a caricature on the wall; that he should be -a poet because he can dash off a sentiment in rhyme; that he is suited -to the clergy because he is of a pious turn of mind. It does not always -follow that the thing he does the most easily he can do the best. This -is the mistake that parents must guard against when the time comes for -choosing a profession for the boy. - -They have studied the boy from infancy, while he has studied himself -but little, and that with an immatured mind. Is it unlikely, then, -that the parents often know his latent capabilities better than he -himself knows them? It goes without saying that the son shall not be -driven by parental authority into a profession that is distasteful to -him; but I think in most cases the parents can aid the boy in finding -the true thread of his bent. With no attempt at coercion they can help -him to accurately analyse those natural leanings which, in the embryo, -are many times conflicting and misleading. It appears to me that the -counsel of the parents is needed at this time no less than at any other -period in the boy’s life. - - * * * * * - -Having seen the boy well reared and started in the career for which he -is best equipped, and under the direction of a superior whose influence -will be uplifting, I think the parents may rest in that peace and -tranquillity of mind that comes with the consciousness of a duty well -done. They may now sit quietly by and watch while the boy works. - -I would caution them against expecting too much of him. Of the -million-and-a-half of American boys born every year, all cannot be -famous--all cannot be rich. Only a few can be President of the United -States. But all can be good citizens, and that is the kind of material -that the country needs. We have plenty of great men, and too many -very rich men. A great man is merely a good man picked haphazard from -thousands of others just as good--picked by Opportunity whenever the -occasion demands. A rich man is one who has more money than he needs. -Either of these, beyond a certain stage of self-progress, is a child of -chance. - -What you have a right to expect from your son, if you have trained him -conscientiously, is success. I do not mean the success that is measured -by the dollar sign, or by the size of the type in which the newspapers -print his name. - -The successful man, in the true sense of the word, is the law-abiding -citizen who gives unto the world enough of his brain and brawn to pay -the way of himself and his family through it. - -I believe there is the making of such a man in every healthy boy -that is born into the civilised world. I believe that every healthy -boy is brought into the world a good boy. If one of these develops -into a bad boy it is because he is made to; not affirmatively, but -negatively--through the want of proper training. All the boy needs is -to be treated as a boy. He is not a god, to be worshipped, or a girl, -to be coddled, or a dog, to be driven. The boy that I know is a sturdy -little human being, distinctly masculine in gender, with a desire to be -doing something and a want of direction; in fine, an embryotic man. - -Give him the light, tell him the truth, show him the way. Do this -consistently, conscientiously, and he will measure up to the highest -standard of good citizenship. - -More than this I do not ask of my boy. - - - * * * * * - - - Transcriber’s Notes: - - --Text in italics is enclosed by underscores (_italics_). - - --Punctuation and spelling inaccuracies were silently corrected. - - --Archaic and variable spelling has been preserved. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Bringing up the Boy, by Carl Werner - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BRINGING UP THE BOY *** - -***** This file should be named 56109-0.txt or 56109-0.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/6/1/0/56109/ - -Produced by Donald Cummings and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive/American Libraries.) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - -Title: Bringing up the Boy - A Message to Fathers and Mothers from a Boy of Yesterday - Concerning the Men of To-morrow - -Author: Carl Werner - -Release Date: December 3, 2017 [EBook #56109] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BRINGING UP THE BOY *** - - - - -Produced by Donald Cummings and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive/American Libraries.) - - - - - - -</pre> - - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 550px;"> -<img src="images/cover.jpg" width="550" height="837" alt="cover" title="cover" /> -</div> - - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<p class="noic">Bringing up the Boy</p> - - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 455px;"> -<img src="images/i_frontis.jpg" width="455" height="600" alt="The Boy" title="The Boy" /> -</div> - -<div class="adpage"> -<p class="noi">“GIVE HIM THE LIGHT</p> - -<p class="noic">TELL HIM THE TRUTH</p> - -<p class="right">SHOW HIM THE WAY!”</p> -</div> - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<h1>Bringing up the Boy</h1> - -<p class="noi subtitle">A Message to Fathers and Mothers<br /> -from a Boy of Yesterday concerning<br /> -the Men of To-morrow</p> - - -<p class="p2 noic">By</p> - -<p class="noi author">CARL WERNER</p> - -<div class="pad4"> -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 123px;"> -<img src="images/logo.jpg" width="123" height="114" alt="logo" title="logo" /> -</div> -</div> - - -<p class="noic">New York<br /> -<span class="author">Dodd, Mead and Company</span><br /> -1913</p> - - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<p class="noic"><span class="smcap">Copyright, 1911, by</span><br /> -THE BUTTERICK PUBLISHING COMPANY</p> - -<p class="noic"><span class="smcap">Copyright, 1913, by</span><br /> -DODD, MEAD AND COMPANY</p> - -<p class="noic">Published, March, 1913</p> - - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<p class="noic">TO</p> - -<p class="noic author oldenglish">Mary Morris Werner</p> - -<p class="noic">A GOOD MOTHER<br /> -WHOSE FINE SYMPATHY, KEEN PERCEPTION,<br /> -AND DEVOUT SENSE OF DUTY ARE MOULDING<br /> -THE CHARACTER OF</p> - -<p class="noic author">AN AMERICAN BOY</p> - -<p class="noic">THIS VOLUME IS AFFECTIONATELY INSCRIBED</p> - - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<h2>CONTENTS</h2> - - -<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" summary="Contents"> -<col style="width: 15%;" /> -<col style="width: 70%;" /> -<col style="width: 15%;" /> -<tr> - <th class="smfontr">CHAPTER</th> - <th class="tdl"> </th> - <th class="smfontr">PAGE</th> -</tr> -<tr> - <td class="tdrt"> </td> - <td class="tdl smcap"><a href="#FOREWORD">Foreword</a></td> - <td class="tdrb">xi</td> -</tr> -<tr> - <td class="tdrt">I</td> - <td class="tdl smcap"><a href="#I">From Baby to Boy</a></td> - <td class="tdrb">3</td> -</tr> -<tr> - <td class="tdrt">II</td> - <td class="tdl smcap"><a href="#II">The Simplicity of Discipline</a></td> - <td class="tdrb">17</td> -</tr> -<tr> - <td class="tdrt">III</td> - <td class="tdl smcap"><a href="#III">As the Twig Is Bent</a></td> - <td class="tdrb">33</td> -</tr> -<tr> - <td class="tdrt">IV</td> - <td class="tdl smcap"><a href="#IV">A Talk at Christmas Time</a></td> - <td class="tdrb">48</td> -</tr> -<tr> - <td class="tdrt">V</td> - <td class="tdl smcap"><a href="#V">The Dynasty of the Dime Novel</a></td> - <td class="tdrb">63</td> -</tr> -<tr> - <td class="tdrt">VI</td> - <td class="tdl smcap"><a href="#VI">The Sin of Sex Secrecy</a></td> - <td class="tdrb">77</td> -</tr> -<tr> - <td class="tdrt">VII</td> - <td class="tdl smcap"><a href="#VII">The Weed and the Winecup</a></td> - <td class="tdrb">91</td> -</tr> -<tr> - <td class="tdrt">VIII</td> - <td class="tdl smcap"><a href="#VIII">Out into the World</a></td> - <td class="tdrb">104</td> -</tr> -</table> - - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> -<span class="i12">There; my blessing with thee!<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And these few precepts in thy memory<br /></span> -<span class="i0">See thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Nor any unproportioned thought his act.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But do not dull thy palm with entertainment<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of each new-hatch’d, unfledged comrade. Beware<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Of entrance to a quarrel, but being in,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Bear’t that the opposed may beware of thee.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Take each man’s censure, but reserve thy judgment.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">But not express’d in fancy; rich, not gaudy;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For the apparel oft proclaims the man.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Neither a borrower nor a lender be;<br /></span> -<span class="i0">For loan oft loses both itself and friend,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.<br /></span> -<span class="i0">This above all: To thine own self be true,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">And it must follow, as the night the day,<br /></span> -<span class="i0">Thou canst not then be false to any man.<br /></span> -</div></div> - -<p class="right"><span class="padr2">—Polonius to his son.</span><br /> -<cite>Hamlet</cite>, Act I, Scene 3.<br /></p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_xi" id="Page_xi">[xi]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="chapter"> -<h2><a name="FOREWORD" id="FOREWORD">FOREWORD</a></h2> -</div> - - -<p>A good portion of the material in this -volume was printed in serial form in <cite>The -Delineator</cite>, to whose editors and publishers -I am deeply indebted for the sympathy -and encouragement that were necessary to -bring my ideas on boy training into the -circle of general parenthood. As a result -of the publicity gained through the medium -of that magazine’s wide circulation, many -letters were received by the magazine and -by myself; and in this mass of correspondence -there was a distinct note of appeal -for the publication of the essays between -covers. It was quite without any knowledge -of this demand, however, that the -present publishers, acting independently, -became interested in the series, and decided, -after due consideration, to issue it -in book form.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_xii" id="Page_xii">[xii]</a></span></p> - -<p>It was surprising that of the many letters -received while these articles were appearing -serially, only a small minority of -the writers disagreed with my views, and -those few protests were confined to one -or two subjects. So far as could be reasonably -expected of one whose time is -much occupied in pursuing a livelihood, I -replied to all such communications. If in -some instances I failed, the omission was -not because I was lacking in a keen appreciation -of the interest, the sympathy, the -suggestions and the criticisms thus expressed. -As to those who disagreed with -me, I would like to repeat here what I -have said to them in personal replies: -They may be right, and I wrong. This -much only, I know—That Providence is -kind in that He permits me to retain a distinct -picture of the boy’s cosmos; that as -a man and a father I can still see—and -feel—from the boy’s viewpoint; and that,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_xiii" id="Page_xiii">[xiii]</a></span> -preserving that visuality, I have tried, -with the best judgment and most constant -effort of which I am capable, to employ -it for the greatest good. Everything that -I have written about boy training is -solidly fixed on this foundation; and everything -that I have written has been or is -being employed, to the very letter, in my -stewardship of one who is infinitely more -precious to me than life itself—my own -boy. If I have erred, may God forgive -me; but on this score my conscience is as -clear as a crystal pool, for so far as human -vision penetrates not one duty has been -left undone and not one endeavour has -gone astray. And happily, though I say -it with a prayer on my lips and humility -in my heart, every passing year adds its -living testimony to the principles which I -advocate and for which I plead.</p> - -<p class="right">C. W.<br /></p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p> - -<p class="noic">Bringing up the Boy</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span></p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="chapter"> -<h2><a name="I" id="I">I</a><br /> -<small>FROM BABY TO BOY</small></h2> -</div> - - -<p>Your son, madam, while passing a vacant -house, paused, poised his arm and deliberately -sent a small stone crashing through -one of the windows. Then, turning on his -heel, he ran nimbly up the street and disappeared -around the corner.</p> - -<p>You know it occurred, because some -one living next to the house saw him do -it and told the owner, and the owner came -to you for reparation and you charged the -boy with it and he admitted it to be true.</p> - -<p>You are heartbroken because you find -yourself confronted with what appears to -be irrefutable evidence that your son is a -bad boy.</p> - -<p>You ask him why he did it. He doesn’t -know. You suggest that it might have<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span> -been an accident. Being a truthful boy, he -replies tearfully that it was not. You enquire -if he had any grievance against the -man who owns the house. He answers -that he hadn’t even heard of the owner -and didn’t know who he was. Then—you -ask again—why did he do it? You get the -same answer:</p> - -<p>“I don’t know.”</p> - -<p>It certainly looks dubious for your boy, -madam, doesn’t it? If at the tender age of -ten years a lad will deliberately “chuck” a -stone through a neighbouring window, with -no reason or provocation for it whatsoever, -what may he not be capable of -at twenty? The thought is appalling, -isn’t it?</p> - -<p>Happily, however, I think it can be -demonstrated to your complete satisfaction -that your son is not bad—so far as this -particular offence is concerned, anyway—and -that this stone-throwing business is a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span> -perfectly natural thing for a perfectly normal -boy to do.</p> - -<p>To start with, let us suppose that I have -placed on your back fence, side by side, -a brick and a bottle. I then hand you a -little target-rifle and invite you to try your -skill at shooting. Now, which will you -aim at—the brick or the bottle?</p> - -<p>The bottle, of course. You answer -more quickly than I can write it.</p> - -<p>And why the bottle?</p> - -<p>Just think that over a moment, please. -Why the bottle?</p> - -<p>Meanwhile, let us go back to the boy -and the window.</p> - -<p>The desire to see a physical result from -any personal effort is deep-seated in every -human being. Where is the author who -does not take secret and real pleasure in -scanning the achievements of his pen in -the public print? Where is the architect -who would forego the pleasure of seeing<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span> -the finished structure, the lines and masses -of which he has dreamed over and designed? -The desire to see the result follow -the endeavour, the effect follow the -cause, is strong within us all.</p> - -<p>It may seem a far cry from art and letters -to the boy and the broken window, -but the psychologic principle involved is -one and the same. The boy, sauntering -along the street or the roadway, has been -amusing himself by throwing stones. He -has sent one against the side of a barn -with no effect other than the sound of a -hollow thud as it struck the boards. He -has heaved one at a telegraph pole, and -the pole didn’t even quiver. Then he -spies the vacant house.</p> - -<p>It is obviously deserted and abandoned. -A pane already shattered in one of the -windows starts the idea. It is far enough -back from the street to make the throw -a test of skill. If he misses there’s no<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span> -harm done. If he hits there’ll be a noise, -a crash, a shower of flying glass and—Enough! -Up goes the arm, away goes the -stone with fateful accuracy and the deed -is done. It was the act of a sudden impulse. -Before the conscience within him -could assert itself the missile had struck; -and that innate human ambition to produce -a visible result was gratified.</p> - -<p>The deed is done, and the boy doesn’t -know why he did it. But returning to -the hypothesis of the brick and the bottle, -perhaps you, madam, can explain why you -would prefer to shoot at the bottle.</p> - -<p>In these talks I want to tell mothers -something of what I know about boys; not -all about them, but just a few of the more -vital things that every mother of a boy -ought to know and every father ought -to be reminded of. I say “reminded” -advisedly, for the fathers must have -known some time, though it would seem<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span> -that most of them have forgotten now. -What I say I know about boys, I know. -What I may suggest or advise is another -matter. It can stand only as a belief, an -opinion, and my sole excuse for presuming -to offer it is that I love the boy; -I live close to him and I believe in -him.</p> - -<p>I do not believe that the intuitiveness -generally accredited to motherhood is in -the least degree overestimated or exaggerated. -But mere intuitiveness, even in -its highest form of development, can -hardly be expected to bridge the natural -gap of temperamental sex difference between -mother and son.</p> - -<p>Unfortunately, the father, not eager -to invade what he believes to be the -mother’s sphere, usually is content to leave -the management of the boy in the mother’s -hands, while the mother, not recognising -the deficiency of her position, labours on<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span> -patiently, lovingly, untiringly, but in many -cases blindly, and often with poor success. -If mothers only understood this it would -be better. If they could be brought to -realize the handicap under which they are -striving they could fortify themselves -against it. They could deepen the interest -of the father or, failing that, they -could at the least draw upon his experience -and knowledge of real boyhood with -good effect. But there are no sex distinctions -to the average mother. The -boys and the girls are just “the children” -and the difference of sex is lost in the -great catholicity of maternal love.</p> - -<p>At the very beginning parents must concede -the existence of an inherent temperamental -difference between the boy and the -girl. This, for the mother, is not so easy -of adjustment as it may appear. The boy -is her baby, just her baby, from swaddling-clothes -to long trousers.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span></p> - -<p>The fact is, of course, that the assertion -of the sex temperament starts almost -with the beginning of life. For the first -four or five years it is, to be sure, almost -a negligible quantity, but after that the -boy needs to be treated as a boy, and not -as a sexless baby.</p> - -<p>Put a pair of new red shoes on a little -girl’s feet and send her out among a group -of misses shod in black. Then watch her -plume herself and pose at the front gate -and mince up and down the avenue, as -proud as a peacock.</p> - -<p>Now, rig up the six-year-old boy in some -new and untried kink of fashion and turn -him loose on the highway—and observe -what follows. Note how sheepishly he -looks down the street to where his playfellows -are gathered, and see how he -edges toward them, faltering and keeping -as close to the fence as he can. Observe -how, just as he is trying to slip into their<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span> -midst unostentatiously, one of them cries -in a shrill voice:</p> - -<p>“Look who’s here!” and another remarks:</p> - -<p>“Oh, what a shine!” and still another -exclaims:</p> - -<p>“Pipe the kelly!” meaning, observe -the hat.</p> - -<p>Then perhaps there is the very rude -boy who asks whether the “rags” have -been “rassled,” said enquiry being gently -emphasised by a push from behind. In -which case the young glass of fashion, having -a gloomy premonition of what may -happen to him at home if he returns -bearing the marks of combat, backs discreetly -off the firing-line, and retreats to -his own dooryard with as small loss of -dignity as the exigency of the occasion -will permit. And he is pretty sure to stick -there the remainder of the afternoon, -while occasionally other boys, in regulation<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span> -woollens or corduroys, peep at him -curiously through the palings, making him -feel like one of those unpronounceable -animals that they keep in cages and lecture -about at the zoo.</p> - -<p>Do you think this characteristic of the -boy really signifies that he is “notional”? -Do you put it down merely as “finicality”? -Then you do him a great injustice. -In the true analysis it is quite the opposite. -It is but one feature of a unique -democracy, a splendid democracy that you -will find holding sway wherever boys -gather. Oh, this democracy of boyhood -is a wonderful thing! To me it is the -régime beautiful. There is something so -inspiring about it! For here, in this -quaint domain of dare-and-do, you see -every sturdy little chap, regardless of -clothes, creed or family position, standing -on his own merits and judged by his -own deeds.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span></p> - -<p>Why some mothers persist in Little-Lord-Fauntleroy-ing -their boys within an -inch of their lives is to me a profound -mystery. Can any mother enlighten me -on the long-curls cruelty? Is it selfish -vanity? Could any mother, for the mere -gratification of an egoistic desire, be so -unfeeling as to send her helpless boy out -into the scene of humiliation and actual -physical torture of which the boy with the -long curls becomes the pitiable centre as -soon as he turns the corner?</p> - -<p>I do not like to think so. Rather would -I believe, as in the case of the broken window, -that the mother’s error is chargeable -to her never having been a boy. She -has a faulty conception of what it means -to be yanked about by those boy-hated -ringlets of gold, to be harassed and -taunted by the inornate but happier hoi -polloi.</p> - -<p>I recall one afternoon when I took a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span> -youngster of three around to the barber’s -to have him shorn. I returned with the -boy in one hand and the curls in the other. -He was magnificently cologned and -wanted everybody to “smell it.”</p> - -<p>The mother was waiting with an empty -shoe-box in her lap. She was sitting by -the window, in the soft half-light of the -early evening, and she caressed the golden -bronze ringlets before putting them away. -And something glistened in her eye and it -fell into the box and was packed away -with the curls. I shouldn’t wonder if it -were there yet, for somehow I can’t help -thinking that a tear like that must crystallise -into a tiny pearl and glisten on forever.</p> - -<p>But when this mother looked up at the -boy, she was smiling, almost proudly; and -she patted the shiny, round head, and -kissed it, cologne and all, and quoted a -verse about having “lost a baby and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span> -gained a man,” declaring that he really -looked much better than she had expected.</p> - -<p>And the boy was put to bed and slept -coolly and comfortably, and he’s had a -clean scalp and a clear conscience ever -since, I guess.</p> - -<p>But here I am, taking up the reader’s -precious time talking about clothes and -curls—neither of which mere man is supposed -to know anything about—when all -I meant to do was to emphasise the fact -that long before a half-dozen of his birthdays -have been celebrated, the boy must -be taken up as an abstract proposition.</p> - -<p>At the age of five, then, let us say, the -boy reaches the stage of recognisable and -indisputable masculinity. This is the -logical time for the properly constituted -father to take the helm of the son’s destiny. -If he does not do so, through -lack of interest, lack of time or lack -of the faculty for it, the mother must<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span> -needs go on with the struggle. Her five -years of training the baby will not come -amiss in training the boy. But she must -now reckon with boyhood as a distinct -classification of childhood. She must remember -that from now on, every year, -every month, every day, widens the gap of -sex divergence. She will do well to look -at the bearded men who pass her door and -consider that every attribute of masculinity -exists, embryonically, in her round-faced -baby boy.</p> - -<p>From now on, if she hopes to appeal -to the best that is in him, she must not -only study the boy, but she must study -the world from the boy’s viewpoint. The -nearer the mother can get to the boy’s -inner emotions, the more effectively can -she direct the trend of his mental, moral -and physical development. Herein lies -the secret of getting and keeping a grip -on the boy.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="chapter"> -<h2><a name="II" id="II">II</a><br /> -<small>THE SIMPLICITY OF DISCIPLINE</small></h2> -</div> - - -<p>We are living in an epoch of extremists. -This morning the suffering dyspeptic is -told that he will find a complete cure in -a two weeks’ fast; this afternoon he is -advised that by eating every two hours -he will be forever free from his ills. On -the one hand is a sect preaching that -prayer will bring us peace, power and -plenty, and on the other is a schism pleading -that supplication, in itself, availeth -nothing. Here we have a group of modern -disciplinists teaching that corporal -punishment is a fading relic of barbaric -brutality; there we find a sturdy -school of old-timers telling us that if -we spare the rod we shall spoil the -child.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span></p> - -<p>With these extremists who specialise in -the stomach or in the soul I have no quarrel; -but coming down to the subject of -disciplining the boy I do want to point out -to fathers and mothers seriously and earnestly -that there is a happy medium, a -middle course—a neutral and natural -way.</p> - -<p>The moral suasion idea is a fine thing -in theory and it would be a moderately -fine thing actually if parents were all -moral suasionists, and if parents and children -had nothing else in the world to do -but practise it. By this I mean that if -all or most parents were naturally -equipped to rule by moral suasion, and, -secondly, if twenty-four hours of the day -could be devoted exclusively to discipline, -it would be undoubtedly a commendable -method of child-government. Unfortunately, -such is not the case, and in dealing -with the question collectively we have to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span> -take conditions, parents and children as -we find them.</p> - -<p>Nearly every parent possesses the -faculty of governing to some extent—greater -or less; and all children are capable -of responding to it—but in varying -degrees. There is, therefore, no hard -and fast rule that can be laid down for -the guidance of all parents, to be applied -successfully to all children. However, by -reducing the subject of this article first -to boys, and second to the average boy, -I think we can get the discussion down -to a practicable basis. The little girl is -here absolutely eliminated from consideration. -I have studied her assiduously and -at close range for a number of years and -have succeeded in establishing this much -only; first, that she is almost too sweetly -complex for paternal comprehension, and -second, that she is not amenable to the -rules by which we discipline the boy.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span></p> - -<p>My boy, then, is the average boy, old -enough to walk and talk and understand -what is said to him, moderately sensitive, -moderately affectionate, moderately impulsive, -moderately perverse, of ordinarily -good health, and possessed of the -usual amount of animal spirits.</p> - -<p>Obedience is the foundation stone of -the entire structure of discipline. There -is a good deal in discipline besides obedience, -but without obedience there is no -discipline. It is not the alpha and omega, -but is a good deal more than the alpha. -Discipline is harmony. Harmony cannot -be maintained without perfect obedience, -because obedience is a joint affair, a partnership -arrangement between you and the -boy. All other essentials of discipline are -<i lang="la" xml:lang="la">ex parte</i>. In all other essentials you are -subjective and the boy is objective. You -think and he acts, you direct and he executes, -you furnish the plan of living and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span> -he lives it. But it is the <em>partnership</em> in -obedience that makes this possible. Given -perfect obedience, the rest is easy, because -the boy’s daily routine is simply a vivification -of the principles shaped by your own -matured mind.</p> - -<p>Let me repeat, then, that discipline is -simply harmony and harmony cannot be -attained without perfect obedience. Note -the adjective, <em>perfect</em>, for this is the obstacle -over which we are so prone to -stumble. Obedience must be absolute, -complete and infallible.</p> - -<p>How can we attain it? How can we -take the child-boy and so mould him that -he will respond to a command instantly -and unfailingly? Within him there is a -natural, healthy instinct opposed to it. -Within him is the natural human tendency -to think and act independently, to learn -by experiment, to venture unassisted and -unrestrained into the unknown.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span></p> - -<p>Punishment other than corporal will -not always do it, because at the time when -this condition must be established the boy’s -baby mentality is not capable of compassing -the long distances between cause and -effect. At the early age at which it is -necessary to establish perfect obedience, -the moral penalties are too slow in action, -too complex and too much dependent upon -local condition to be effective. There are -exceptions, of course. For example: You -have a box of sweets and you tell the boy -he may take one. He takes two. As a -penalty for his disobedience you make him -return both pieces to the box and you cast -the package into the fire. There you have -incorporal punishment that is instant, direct -and effective; but this incident is made -to order and of rare occurrence in fact. -Suppose that the boy swallows the two -pieces instantly, or suppose the more usual -occurrence that you have forbidden him<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span> -to partake of the sweets at all and he has -surreptitiously eaten one. What then? -Casting the remainder into the fire will -not impress him at the time because his -appetite has been satisfied, the desire is -dulled. You may deprive him of his allowance -on the day following, but the lapse -of time dims the relation of the penalty -to the offence. This kind of treatment -works well with some of the minor errors -but not with disobedience. The tendency -to disobey is too constant, too persistent -and too frequent, and too early in the -boy’s process of development.</p> - -<p>A mother said: “It is not necessary -for me to strike my child. I compel him -to sit in a chair for one hour without -speaking. He fears that more than the -rod.” Of course, he does, poor little -chap! And that mother did not realise -that she was substituting a barbaric torture -for mild punishment. I reverse her<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span> -reasoning: It is not necessary for me to so -torture my boy. Nor shall I deprive him -of his play, of the outside air, of his supper, -of anything that makes for his health -and happiness, nor of any good thing that -it is in my power to give him.</p> - -<p>Disobedience calls for a punishment -that is short, direct and impressive. A -sharp tap on the palm of a boy’s hand, -or on the calf of his leg—or two or five -or ten—is the only kind of penance I know -of that fills the requirements. It is the one -short and sure road to an immediate result. -Naturalists tell us that the sense of -touch is the first experienced by a newborn -child. It is the first and quickest wire -from the outer world to the brain. Then -come hearing and smelling and seeing and -long after these come the moral perceptions, -the power of deduction and the distinction -of right and wrong. My experience -has been that this first sense continues<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span> -to be the live wire until well on toward -the maturity of the child—if the child is -a boy. There are many men, who can -undergo the severest mental torture with -calm resolution and fortitude, but who -tremble at the sight of a dental chair. -Not long ago I was chatting with a friend, -who is a dentist, when a burly policeman -rushed in, plumped himself into the operating-chair -and asked the dentist to ease his -aching tooth. The dentist looked at the -tooth and reached for his forceps. “The -only way to fix that is to extract it,” he -said. The officer of the law sprang from -the chair like a jack-in-the-box and made -for the door, remarking apologetically as -he went out that he couldn’t spare the -time. “That man,” said the dentist, when -he had gone, “has a medal for bravery, -and three times has been commended for -saving lives at the risk of his own.”</p> - -<p>It is not that the boy fears pain, but<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span> -that he fears the certainty of it, he dreads -the deliberate, the inevitable punishment, -accompanied by no moral stimulus with -which to combat it. I have known my -boy to take a severe beating from another -boy in a struggle for the possession of -an apple—and all without shedding a tear. -The spat on the hand that I inflicted was -a mere flea-bite to that beating, but because -of it I could leave an apple within -reach of his hand indefinitely and, though -he might want it ever so much, he would -not touch it if I had forbidden him.</p> - -<p>So much for the psychology of corporal -punishment. Now for the practice of it.</p> - -<p>While I may have been guilty of many -literary offences, a list of “Don’ts” has -not, up to this time, been among them. -But as the word obedience necessarily captions -an imposing array of “Don’ts” for -the boy, I think his parents may be better -equipped to enforce them by considering<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span> -some very important ones applying to -themselves. At any rate, having spoken -freely in favour of the use of the rod, it -is vitally important to qualify my advocacy -of it in accordance with my experience -and belief. Every one of the qualifications -or conditions that I am about to enumerate -is essential to this system of discipline, -so much so that if they were not to be considered -as part of it, all that I have written -would go for naught and I would ask -to withdraw it completely.</p> - -<p>Corporal punishment is resorted to for -one kind of offence only—disobedience. -Absolutely for no other.</p> - -<p>Corporal punishment consists of a few -sharp taps on the palm or calf with a thin -wood ruler.</p> - -<p>The boy is never punished in the presence -of a third person, even a brother or -sister.</p> - -<p>Punishment is never administered with<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span> -the slightest sign of anger or under excitement. -<em>Any parent incapable of so administering -corporal punishment should -not employ it.</em></p> - -<p>Punishment must partake of the nature -of a simple ceremony rather than of a -torture; it must be regarded as a duty, -not as a personal retaliation.</p> - -<p>Punishment is always prefaced with a -simple, brief, but explicit explanation, like -this: “My boy, listen: I love you and I -do not like to hurt you. But, every boy -<em>must</em> be made to obey his father and -mother, and this seems to be the only way -to make you do it. So remember! Every -time you disobey me you shall be punished. -When I tell you to do a thing, you -must do it, instantly; without a moment’s -delay. If you hesitate, if you wait to be -told a second time, you will be punished. -When I speak, you must act. Just as sure -as you are standing here before me, this<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span> -punishment will follow every time you do -not do as you are told.”</p> - -<p>Say no more than that. Drive home -the inseparability of the cause and the consequence; -let the idea of instant, infallible -obedience be telegraphed to his brain -simultaneously with the sting of the ruler.</p> - -<p>Have no fear that this form of chastisement -will break your boy’s spirit or will -weaken the bond of love between him and -yourself. Both will be strengthened by -it. For one punishment inflicted, there are -hundreds of kind words and deeds to -prove your affection.</p> - -<p>No child should be punished corporally -other than as I have described.</p> - -<p>To strike him in the face, to strike him -at all with the hand or fist is brutal, and -brutality is not only sinful but ineffective. -Corporal punishment inflicted impulsively -is dangerous because it lacks the earmarks -of good intent.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span></p> - -<p>Above all, remember this: That the -kind of corporal punishment which I employ -is effective, first because it is the only -kind the child knows, and in no other way -does he feel the weight of a corrective -hand; and second, because <em>it never fails to -follow the deed</em>.</p> - -<p>To waver is unfair to the child. Yesterday -he was punished. To-day he commits -the same infraction and is not punished. -Here is inconsistency and the boy -is confused. If it were not deserved to-day, -he reasons, it was undeserved yesterday; -therefore, he is aggrieved. Every -time you miss the atonement you lose a -link, and the chain of your discipline is -broken.</p> - -<p>This is the chief error of parent disciplinarians. -We fail to grasp the all-important -truth that the unfailing application -of corporal punishment is the very -thing that can render punishment of any<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span> -kind unnecessary. Many a boy is punished -a hundred times where but a few -would have sufficed had the penalty been -exacted consistently and unfailingly. The -right kind of discipline neither spoils the -child nor spoils the rod. It spares both. -It is like good dentistry. Every moment -of hurt saves years of suffering in later -life. And good painless discipline is as -rare as good painless dentistry.</p> - -<p>Further than this I have but little to -say about discipline, for, once you have -achieved infallible obedience, you are -bound to achieve perfect discipline. The -two words are synonyms in effect. No -mother can hope for the best results if -she seeks to train her boy as she would -arrange her hair—to please her vanity—or -as she would plan a shopping tour—to -suit her convenience. Self must be submerged -and the child’s future kept uppermost. -For discipline is a mother’s duty<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span> -to her boy. If she falters in it the boy -will suffer. And every penalty that the -unwatched boy escapes through a parent’s -frailty, he will have to pay, many fold, in -the future years.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="chapter"> -<h2><a name="III" id="III">III</a><br /> -<small>AS THE TWIG IS BENT</small></h2> -</div> - - -<p>You hear the sound of sobbing in the distance, -and as it draws nearer and grows -more distinct you recognise the voice. A -moment later the door flies open and there -stands your boy, crying as though his heart -would break. Little rivulets of tears are -trickling down his dust-covered cheeks, and -on the side of his face is the mark of a -cruel blow.</p> - -<p>Between sobs he tells you that the boy -across the street did it. Why? He doesn’t -know why; he wasn’t doing anything at -all, “jes’ playin’ around.”</p> - -<p>You wipe the tears away and kiss the -hurt, and as you note the quivering lip -and the angry bruise, a wave of indignation -swells within you. Glancing out<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span> -through the window you see the boy across -the street, cavorting triumphantly on the -curb. How much bigger and coarser and -rougher than your boy he appears—isn’t -it always so? Your little chap has come -to you partly for sympathy, but mainly for -retaliation. He shows you his wound and -points to the boy who did it. He has been -hurt, he has been grievously wronged, and -he has come to you whom he has learned -to look upon as his one never-failing protector -and friend. You spring to your -feet, fired with an overwhelming desire -to rush into the street and avenge -the wrong that has been done your -child.</p> - -<p>Madam, one moment! Don’t do it. -The retaliation you contemplate may be -justice so far as the tormentor across the -street is concerned, but it is a rank injustice -to your own boy. I want to tell you -on the authority of an ex-boy that if you<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span> -would serve your son best, you will not -interfere.</p> - -<p>None but a mother knows the trials and -heartaches of the fighting period in a boy’s -life; and none but a father realises what -an important part that period plays in the -shaping of the boy’s career. The period -runs approximately from the ages of five -to ten. Prior to that the child is too young -to indulge in it, and subsequently he is too -old to tell about it. In the interim these -affairs of the street are of daily occurrence -and are to the mother a source of annoyance -as mysterious as they are harrowing.</p> - -<p>The right way to deal with this problem -may not be the easiest way but it is -the simplest, and it is the best for the boy. -It is to let him alone. It is to teach him -from the very beginning that outside of his -own dooryard he must protect himself with -his own hands. Have a distinct understanding -that if he gets himself into a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span> -fight, he must get himself out of it. Tell -him that by helping him you would only -make more trouble for him because he -would get to be known as a coward, and -all the boys would annoy him more than -before.</p> - -<p>I went further than this with my boy. -I told him that I did not approve of fighting, -but that if he were forced into it, I -would expect him to hit out hard and -fast and defend himself blow for blow. I -provided him with a punching-bag and a -set of boxing-gloves and I showed him -how to use them. He was just five when -I established this rule and in one year it -proved itself.</p> - -<p>At six we started him off to school, and -a few days later he came home one afternoon -with a discoloured eye.</p> - -<p>But there was no tear in it. He threw -his books in a corner and ran, whistling, -out to play. At dinner that evening my<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span> -curiosity got the better of me, but I assumed -indifference.</p> - -<p>“Where did you get the eye, old -chap?” I asked casually.</p> - -<p>He looked up sheepishly, smiled and -pushed his cup toward me.</p> - -<p>“Some more milk, if you please, -father,” he said. The fighting problem -had been solved forever.</p> - -<p>The mother who coddles her boy shows -him a double unkindness. She not only -increases his boyhood miseries, through -making him the particular target of other -boys, but she retards the development of -his self-reliance and his manliness.</p> - -<p>I give the <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">affaire d’honneur</i> an important -place in this chapter because it is one -of the things about boys that mothers -often misunderstand and quite generally -undervalue.</p> - -<p>Of course, the cardinal precept which -should form the foundation of the character<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span> -structure is—Truth. Combine in -him manliness and truthfulness, and the -other essential traits of good character -will spring from these two like shoots from -the trunk of a healthy tree. Truth-telling -should be made a matter of habit with -the boy. Have you not among your acquaintances -men, women and children who -are habitual prevaricators, people who -make misstatements continuously, absolutely -without purpose and without malice? -Lying has become a habit with them. By -the same token truth-telling can be and -should be so instilled in the boy as to -become automatic. He should never be -punished for a falsehood as you might -punish him for disobedience. The problem -of disobedience, which I discussed in -a foregoing chapter, is a matter of psychology -from beginning to end. Truth-telling -becomes so in the end but is a matter -of morals at the beginning. It can be<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span> -formed into a fixed habit by treating it -morally and by keeping everlastingly at -it until the result is achieved. You cannot -beat a boy into hating a lie, but you -can shame him into it.</p> - -<p>It is natural for a very young boy to seek -to evade responsibility for an offence by -disclaiming it. The first time he does this -he must be made to know that, however -serious the offence may be, it is as nothing -compared to the lie that he seeks to -cover. I did not go so far as to promise -my boy immunity for infractions that he -frankly confessed; but I did make it a -rule unto myself that he should never suffer -through confession, and I did invariably -commend him, in the highest terms, -when he told the truth under conditions -that made it peculiarly praiseworthy. An -example: I find my inkstand tipped over -and a great black stain upon the carpet. -I summon the boy and ask him sternly:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span> -“Who did that?” My manner is threatening. -The offence is grave. He is thoroughly -frightened, but after a moment he -answers, falteringly, “I did.” Instantly -my attitude changes from admonitive to -commendatory. I say to him: “This is -an awful thing that you have done. The -carpet is spoiled. The stain will always -be there. Nothing can remove it. But -you have told the truth and that is the -finest thing that a boy can do. As bad as -this is, I would rather you would do it a -hundred times than tell one lie.”</p> - -<p>If, on the other hand, he falsifies, I -grieve before him. I tell him that nothing -that a boy can do is as bad as a falsehood: -that a lie is the very meanest and -lowest thing in the world. I tell him that -I fully forgive him for spilling the ink, but -it is almost impossible to forgive him for -that lie. I leave him to meditate upon it.</p> - -<p>I never allow an untruth to pass without<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span> -bringing a blush of shame to the boy’s -cheek. I never let a lie show itself without -holding it up as a thing to be despised. -The boy first gets to fear a falsehood, -then to despise it—and finally to forget it. -And by forgetting I mean that it passes -beyond the pale of things considerable. -Truth has become a fixed habit.</p> - -<p>Having accomplished this, you have -given your boy a solid foundation upon -which to rear the structure of good character.</p> - -<p>I believe in sending the boy to the church. -Regardless of the parents’ attitude toward -religion, I believe it is their duty to give -the boy the benefit of a church environment -while he is still a boy. Irrespective -of sect or creed, he is sure to absorb some -good in an atmosphere of divine worship. -In later years he may depart from -the precepts there learned, but the early -teachings and associations of the church<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span> -or the Sunday school will leave their influence -in some degree, and whether it is -much or little, it will never be for anything -but good.</p> - -<p>I give my boy the Bible to study and the -Golden Rule to live by. I teach him to -speak or think deprecatingly of no religious -faith, and show him that all are -working for the betterment of man.</p> - -<p>From his infancy I guard him from -superstition and discourage the fear of -fancied dangers. I do not believe it is -necessary for a boy, at any age, to fear -the dark. Mine never did. Fear of the -dark is born of suggestion, and he has -been successfully guarded from any word -that would couple darkness with danger. -Throughout his entire childhood he never -sensed the usual terrors of the unlighted -room and the darkened passage. I would -never confirm even the Santa Claus myth, -though I did not dissuade him from it,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span> -because I well remember the added joy it -brought to me when I was a boy. When -the question was put to me I said: “I shall -not tell you because the mystery of Christmas -adds much to your enjoyment of it. -Believe it or not, as you choose; I have -nothing to say.” With this pleasant exception -he has never asked me a question -that I have not answered truthfully and as -completely as I could.</p> - -<p>I live close to my boy, and by so doing -I find his level and see his narrowed horizon -as he sees it. When he was only six -we lived together in the woods, slept under -the same blanket, fished and sailed and -took our daily swim together. Beginning -at that early age we have sat by the campfire -at night and talked of the stars and -the moon and the strange noises of the -wood. Nowhere can you get as close to -your boy as you can out under the sky with -only Nature about you. It would be a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span> -splendid thing if every father could devote -a few weeks each year to “roughing -it” with his boy. Besides the opportunities -it offers for community of thought, it -brings out a phase of the boy’s character -that under other conditions might never -come to the surface. I recall one evening, -as the boy and I were lolling on the bank -of a river, how he astonished me by exclaiming: -“See! What a beautiful sunset!” -He had seen the sun go down many -times over the housetops of the town, but -it needed the solitude of that particular -place and time to give him an appreciation -of its beauties. Unexpectedly there was -disclosed to me an æsthetic side of his -nature that I had never known.</p> - -<p>These are opportunities that open peculiarly -to the father, and he should take -advantage of them.</p> - -<p>I believe that every boy should be encouraged -to acquire a college education<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span> -and that he should be made to pay for it. -We hear a good deal of talk nowadays -about the lack of real advantage that the -college man has over the other fellow. -Thousands of college men fail in their -struggles with the work-a-day world, and -often you find a degree man working in a -subordinate capacity to a man of his own -age who missed a college education. It -is a fact, too, that the honour men of our -colleges rarely distinguish themselves in -their chosen professions. But none of -these things prove anything, because the -personal equation has to be reckoned in. -I believe that the young man who takes -his college course and takes it seriously is -better fitted for the work of life than he -would otherwise have been. The unschooled -man who succeeds would have -succeeded with more ease and to a higher -standard had he been schooled. The college -man who fails would have failed more<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span> -miserably had he been untrained. I believe -that failure of an educated man is in -spite of his education, and not because -of it.</p> - -<p>If you want to make sure that your boy -is going to use his college education to -the best advantage, let him pay his way. -The failures that our institutions of learning -turn out are not the men who work -their way through; they are the sons of -the affluent, the little brothers of the rich. -The boy who drives the hay-rake or works -behind the counter of his father’s store in -vacation time is rarely found among the -derelicts. Let the boy share the cost with -you, and you need have no fear that either -the time or money spent for education -will go for naught.</p> - -<p>From the first time that he trots over -to the candy store with his penny, the -boy should be trained to know the intrinsic -value of money. Encourage him in moderate<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span> -frugality, not because the accumulation -of money is a desideratum, but because -profligacy is bad for the morals.</p> - -<p>Whether it is the mother or the father -who takes especial charge of the boy, or -both, they should aim steadfastly to have -his complete confidence always. He -should be made to feel that they are not -only dearer to him, but nearer to him -than any one else in the world.</p> - -<p>If a condition of implicit confidence can -be established between you and the boy, -you can depend upon him to be receptive -of the good which you seek to charge him -with.</p> - -<p>Then, with truth as his anchor, no storm -of the outer world can sweep him beyond -the influence of home. The bulwark of -the good character that you have builded -will stand throughout his lifetime.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="chapter"> -<h2><a name="IV" id="IV">IV</a><br /> -<small>A TALK AT CHRISTMAS TIME</small></h2> -</div> - - -<p>On a Christmas Eve some thirty-odd -years ago a very small boy, guarded on -either side by sisters older than himself, -knelt at the low sill of his bedroom window -and looked wonderingly out into the -night. Above was the sky, studded with -twinkling stars. Below was a soft, silent -blanket of white—the unsullied snow of a -northern winter. Everything was very -still.</p> - -<p>The boy looked first at the sky. Being -of the baby age when the children of the -wise are put to bed with the sun, the night -sky was more mystic than the snow. -There were so many of those stars, and -they appeared to be twinkling at him with -cheerful friendliness. One attracted him<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span> -particularly. It did not twinkle and was -not so merry as the others, but it was -larger and shone with a bright, steady -glow. It seemed to be reaching down -toward the boy as though it would speak -to him.</p> - -<p>He recalled the story that had been told -him only the day before, the story of the -first Christmas and of three wise men -who had been guided to the manger -wherein lay the infant Christ; and the -thought came to him that this, perhaps, -was the star that led them. The suggestion -of the manger brought the boy’s eyes -downward to the snow-topped stable opposite -his window; and from the stable he -turned to the white-roofed houses with -their chimneys still smoking from the -evening fires. He wondered if Santa Claus -would have to wait till all the fires were -out before he could make his rounds.</p> - -<p>How white everything was and how<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span> -still! A sense of delicious mystery crept -over him. He heard the sound of distant -sleigh-bells. They drew nearer and jingled -more tunefully. One of his guardians -caught his hand in hers and held up a -warning finger. They listened.</p> - -<p>“Quick! Maybe it’s Santa Claus!” -whispered the guardians in unison; and -the three scampered to their beds and disappeared -beneath the blankets. Five -minutes later the little boy was fast -asleep.</p> - -<p>The little boy was myself, and the incident -is the first Christmas that I can recall. -I recount it because it seems to -illustrate the natural coalescence of the -mythical idea with the historical idea of -the great world holiday.</p> - -<p>Too often, I think, the real significance -of our holidays is lost in the merriment of -celebrating them. Every child is entitled -to a thorough explanation and a lasting impression<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span> -of the incident which Christmas -commemorates. In shaping the Christmas -idea in the boy’s mind we should begin at -the beginning. If the story of the Star -of Bethlehem is told in the right way and -at the right time, it may be depended upon -to survive the myths and the merry-making -with which the atmosphere is charged during -the festal period.</p> - -<p>And this need not militate against the -development of the Santa Claus side of the -celebration, for the one amplifies the -other. Unselfish giving is the keynote to -both, and the child-mind easily comprehends -the application of the modern custom -to the ancient story.</p> - -<p>In the bringing up of my boy I have -been a stickler for truth. Absolute confidence -between father and son, mother -and child, has been my plea and my practice, -always. Yet, while not going out of -my way to encourage the Santa Claus<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span> -myth, I have most cheerfully tolerated it. -It is the one mystery of childhood that I -do not explain, and my reason for excepting -it from the calendar of candour is that -the end justifies the means.</p> - -<p>I would not rob the boy of a fiction -that has not one harmful possibility, and -that brings so much gladness into the -home, and into his heart. I would not -deny him a kind of pleasure that added so -much to the joy of my own childhood. -But, and paramount to every other consideration, -the great unassailable justification -of the Santa Claus myth is the remarkable -lesson it teaches.</p> - -<p>With reasonable reservations for the -unusual I may say that never, after the -Santa Claus age, does a man or a woman -either practise or experience that remarkable -unselfishness of the parents who conceal -their bounteousness behind a fiction. -After childhood we continue to give and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span> -take. We give to our brothers and sisters, -to our parents and to all whom we -love. It is our pleasure to add to their -happiness; but it is also our pleasure to -feel that they know it is we who have so -contributed to their enjoyment.</p> - -<p>Not so in Santa Claus land. There, -and there only, is found the absolute submergence -of self, the sincerely impersonal -benefaction. As a child, coming down to -the dazzling Christmas tree, I said: -“How good is Santa Claus!” But in -after years when I began to realise that -every one of those trees of joy had come -from my good father, who had tramped -out into the woods to cut them and had -hauled them over the hills for miles, sometimes -through a blinding blizzard,—then -I said: “How great is a parent’s love!”</p> - -<p>When the boy arrives at the age of -serious reasoning, say six or seven, and -asks me point-blank if there is really a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span> -Santa Claus, I meet the question fairly. -I simply decline to answer and give him -my reason for so doing. I explain to him -that half the fun of the holiday lies in the -mystery surrounding St. Nicholas. I tell -him, good-humouredly but positively, that -he must solve the Santa Claus problem -himself.</p> - -<p>By taking this position I keep square -with the boy, and at the same time he is -not disillusionised, for he is as willing to -cling to the romance as I am to have him—and -more so.</p> - -<p>The custom, particularly prevalent in -the large cities, of conducting the boy -through the toy department of the stores -when the big holiday stocks are on display, -is to be deplored. The lavish exhibitions -paraded before his eyes cannot fail -to dull his appreciation of the home Christmas.</p> - -<p>In arranging my boy’s Christmas I<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span> -strive for simplicity. It was Nerissa, I -think, in the “Merchant of Venice,” who -said: “They are as sick who surfeit with -too much, as they that starve with nothing.” -The rich—sometimes—pity the -poor at Christmas.</p> - -<p>This is well, for pity looses a purse-string -occasionally, and Heaven knows -there are enough tight ones! But the fact -is, that the children of the moderately -poor often get more real joy to a square -inch of a Christmas morning than many a -little brother of the rich. There can be -no great pleasure in receiving when there -has been no genuine longing. Only the -child who has known want can fully relish -realisation.</p> - -<p>A few modest gifts, judiciously selected, -are more permanently satisfying than a -lavish display, indiscriminately gathered. -I always try to supply my boy with one -thing that he most desires, or with a fair<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span> -compromise between it and what I can -afford to buy. If I can meet his anticipations -fully in this one gift I do so; but it -must be something of a substantial and -permanent nature. After which, if my -purse permits, I amplify this with a few -things of lesser cost and more trivial in -character.</p> - -<p>And here let me record a protest -against that modern unnecessary, the perfected -toy. By the perfected toy I mean -the toy that is not a plaything, but an ingenious -contrivance so perfected mechanically -that it leaves nothing for the child -to do. I protest against the toy that -leaves absolutely nothing to either the -fancy or the ingenuity of the boy. The -imaginative faculty of a child is constantly -reaching out for something upon which it -may feed and develop. This propensity -is stifled by the perfected toy. The railroad -outfit that goes into complete operation<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span> -at the turn of a lever; the doll that -walks and talks and has an elaborate -trousseau; the soldier equipments that fit -a boy out in military style from head to -toe—these and all like them are praiseworthy -examples of the commercial instinct -of the toymakers; but they do not -meet the requirements of the child.</p> - -<p>And if the juvenile mind were capable -of self-analysis it would reject them. I -learned this first from a little girl of three -years. She had been deluged with presents -that Christmas morning; but before -an hour had passed she had looked them -all over, and we found her curled up in -an armchair, playing with a clothes-pin -and an empty baking-powder can! Hers -was the happiness found only in the land -of Make-Believe.</p> - -<p>Instead of giving my boy a soldier outfit, -I would give him a pocket-knife—assuming -that he is old enough to wield one.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span> -Having a new knife, he is ambitious to use -it, and he fashions a sword out of a stick -of pine. The sword suggests playing soldier, -and he proceeds to make a peaked -hat out of a newspaper; a skate-strap answers -for a belt, and he makes a pair of -epaulets from a scrap of tin-foil. In this -way the boy is duly benefited: in creating -these things his ingenuity is drawn upon, -and, in supplying things that he cannot -make, his imagination is exercised.</p> - -<p>One can hardly begin too early to teach -the child the pleasure of giving. A few -pennies taken by him from his own little -bank, and an excursion to a neighbouring -store, will initiate the idea. A mere -trinket for each member of the household -will serve the purpose and put him on the -right track. But we must go further than -the family circle with the Christmas idea. -We must show the boy that while charity -begins at home, it does not end there.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span></p> - -<p>One day shortly before Christmas, I -took the boy to the closet where his discarded -toys were kept, and I said:</p> - -<p>“There are millions of children in the -world, and there are not always toys -enough to go around. If you will tell me -which of these things you do not play with -any more, I will see that they are distributed -on Christmas Day among little -boys and girls who otherwise would get -nothing.”</p> - -<p>He looked the things over carefully, -and said finally that there was nothing -that he would like to give away. I did -not urge the matter; but the next day I invited -him to take a ride with me on the -street-car. Alighting at City Hall Park, -we walked down the Bowery. Arriving at -Pell Street, I found Chuck Connors sunning -himself on the corner.</p> - -<p>“Chuck,” I said, “I have a dollar in -my pocket that isn’t busy, and I want you<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span> -to take me to some one who needs it more -than you or me.”</p> - -<p>So off we trudged, Chuck and I, and the -boy between. A few blocks farther down -we turned toward the river. It was familiar -ground to Chuck and me—but the -boy’s eyes were opened to a new world. -He saw the misery of the slums. He -passed a boy of his own age, barefooted—in -December—staggering under a load of -scrap-wood that would have troubled a -man to bear. He saw a little girl, half -clad, shivering behind an ash-can, trying -to hide herself from her drunken father, -who leered at the waif from a hallway -across the street. Pushing on into the -very heart of that pitiable section, through -poverty, want and wretchedness, the boy -went with us through a miserable tenement, -wherein the spectre of Starvation -stalked through the sordid halls and -snarled at my dollar bill.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span></p> - -<p>On the car, homeward bound, the boy -tugged at my elbow.</p> - -<p>“Father,” he said, “besides what’s in -the closet, they’s a lot of other things I -don’t play with any more.”</p> - -<p>Ever since then we have had an annual -house-cleaning about a week before Christmas, -and the Salvation Army wagon carries -away a goodly load. Indeed, the -event has come to be regarded as quite a -festal occasion.</p> - -<p>As the years go on and the boy begins -to leave playland behind, I would not -hurry him into the realism of the grown-up’s -Yuletide. Let the charm of mystery, -of certainty, of anticipation, linger as long -as it will.</p> - -<p>Perhaps last year you thought it was a -bit incongruous when you found yourself -slipping a safety razor into a gaily-hued -sock, size ten, dangling in the chimney-corner. -And perhaps you have decided<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span> -that he is too big for that sort of thing -now, and that you will let it go by default -this Christmas. Maybe you are about to -tell him so.</p> - -<p>My friend, defer it.</p> - -<p>Stick right on in the old way as long as -you can get the boy to stick with you; for, -once you have severed the ties of the -Christmas of his childhood, you will have -cut the tinsel thread that links your son -to the only fairyland he will ever know.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="chapter"> -<h2><a name="V" id="V">V</a><br /> -<small>THE DYNASTY OF THE DIME NOVEL</small></h2> -</div> - - -<p>My neighbour ran in at the basement door -as was his wont. Coming lightly up the -stairs he entered the library, and not finding -me there, but hearing a voice beyond, -he walked across the room and -looked in at the open doorway of my -den, where he stood for a moment, unobserved.</p> - -<p>This is what he saw:</p> - -<p>The boy, then scarcely nine, stretched -out comfortably on a sofa, reading aloud; -I reclining in an easy-chair with my -slippered feet in another, and listening -intently; a bright light shining over -the boy’s shoulder and flooding the -room.</p> - -<p>My neighbour paused long enough to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span> -hear these words fall from the reader’s -lips in boyish monotone:</p> - -<p>“The crack of a Winchester sounded -on the night air and the engineer fell -dead!”</p> - -<p>Then he interrupted.</p> - -<p>“Well, in the name of reason,” he -said, “what are you folks reading?”</p> - -<p>The boy and I looked up. I took the -book from the youngster’s hand and -passed it up to the intruder.</p> - -<p>“The life and adventures of Jesse -James,” I said.</p> - -<p>My neighbour took the book gingerly, -read the title and glanced at the cover, -upon which were pictured in vivid colours -three desperate-looking gentlemen in -black masks, holding up a train.</p> - -<p>“And you are reading this—together?” -he asked.</p> - -<p>“Yes,” said I; “taking turns at it, he -a chapter and I a chapter.”</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[65]</a></span></p> - -<p>My neighbour shrugged his shoulders -and returned the volume, dusting his -fingers.</p> - -<p>“Don’t you think he would get to this -sort of stuff soon enough—without you -helping him?”</p> - -<p>“He arrived there to-day,” I said; -“and I’m there with him.”</p> - -<p>There you have it—the great difference -of viewpoint: my neighbour looking at it -from where he stands and I looking at it -from the standpoint of my boy. My -neighbour convinced that I was starting -my beloved son on the highroad to a -criminal career; I calm and confident, and -cocksure that I am doing what is best for -the boy. And I guess if we were to take -the vote of Parenthood on the issue, my -side would go down to overwhelming defeat.</p> - -<p>Now, my father says that up to the time -he departed from the parental roof there<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[66]</a></span> -were only two books in the home that he -was permitted to read—the Bible and -Foxe’s “Martyrs.” From his tenth to his -seventeenth year he was actually starving, -he said, for the want of stories of -adventure. Once, when he was fourteen, -a departing visitor left a copy of “Scottish -Chiefs.” This he seized upon and -was devouring it in the attic when discovery -by his stern pater cut him off in -the middle of a most exciting battle. The -book was confiscated and he was soundly -chastised. “And do you know,” adds my -father ruefully, “it was three years before -I learned how that fight came out!”</p> - -<p>Perhaps that’s why he gave me a freer -hand in my selections when I was a kid. -He did, anyway. All that he required was -that it must be free from any suggestion -of the obscene and of sacrilege. Like -most boys I began my independent reading -with “Grimm’s Fairy Tales,” “Robinson<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[67]</a></span> -Crusoe,” “Swiss Family Robinson,” -“Arabian Nights” and books of the sort -that boys usually receive as gifts. From -these I jumped to the nickel and dime -variety. There were one or two good -juvenile magazines coming into the home, -but they were not sufficient. I waded -through all the “Smart Aleck” books, including -“Peck’s Bad Boy.” I took the -thrills with the ten-cent detective heroes -of the Old Sleuth and Nick Carter type, -and revelled in the more or less historical -exploits of David Crockett, Kit Carson, -Daniel Boone and Buffalo Bill.</p> - -<p>At fourteen I had run the gamut of -cheap literature. I do not mean that I -read every “penny-dreadful” in existence, -for the list is endless—there is a new -one every day. But I had “got my skin -full” and the stuff began to pall. After -reading a good number of these books, -even a boy feels their want of the convincing<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[68]</a></span> -quality. He feels, too, their sameness -and their unrealness.</p> - -<p>Then I approached the modern style -and the truer type of boy books, stories of -the Alger, Oliver Optic and G. A. Henty -kind; and then the better type of adventure -stories, such as “Treasure Island” -and “King Solomon’s Mines.” Then I -drifted into Wilkie Collins’ creations, -reading only the more exciting ones—“The -Moonstone” and “The Dead -Alive.” After that came Edgar Allan -Poe and Charles Reade; and before I was -sixteen I had got into Scott, Thackeray -and Dickens. And here I anchored. -Since then, of course, I have voyaged far -and wide in all directions, but Dickens -is my snug harbour, and will be to the -end. No boy could revel—shall I say -wallow?—in trashy literature more than -I did; but search as I will, I cannot see -where it left a trace of an influence on my<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[69]</a></span> -conduct or my character. I do not think -it was owing to any want of physical -courage; because I know that I did my -share of fighting and took as many beatings -with a dry eye as the others; a little -more of both, in fact, than it would become -me to boast about. But I never -robbed a bank or had any desire to; I -never craved the career of a detective -keenly enough to try my hand at it, and -while at one time I did yearn for a chance -to battle single-handed with a band of -Sioux warriors, the desire never led me -into more dangerous quarters than a seat -at the Wild West Show. Was I different -from other boys? My mother says certainly -I was, and very much better. God -bless her! My father says I was about -like the rest. My teacher—he is a prominent -member of the New York bar now, -and I put the question to him squarely -just the other day—tells me frankly that<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[70]</a></span> -I was the worst boy in school. The three -estimates, averaged, would make me an -average boy, and I think my experience as -to the effect of reading material was -about the usual experience of boys in -general.</p> - -<p>They pass through the age of blood-and-thunder -literature just as they have -mumps, measles and marbles, and are none -the better and but little the worse for having -gone through it. As water finds its -level, so the temperament eventually finds -its affinity in reading matter.</p> - -<p>“There is no book so bad,” said the -elder Pliny, “but that some good might -be got out of it.”</p> - -<p>I know that some boys who read cheap -literature go to the bad. But I have never -seen it established that the reading was -responsible for the waywardness. I do -not deny that, granting the existence of a -tendency toward a life of crime, certain<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[71]</a></span> -types of stories might encourage the tendency. -But the influence of this stuff is so -slight that the avoidance of it would not -prevent the downward step.</p> - -<p>Many a boy, fascinated by the glamour -of the circus, has run away with one. -Still, this does not make the circus reprehensible -nor would I, because of that circumstance, -deny my boy the pleasure of -attending it. On the contrary, I go with -him to the circus and sit beside him. We -munch peanuts joyously, but I warn him to -beware of the red lemonade and tell him -why it is sometimes unwholesome. He -sees the show from start to finish—under -my direction. And when he has seen it I -reveal to him the reverse side of the picture—I -give him a peep behind the scenes. -I tell him of the hardships and privations -of a showman’s life, the long night rides, -the harsh discipline, the perils and dangers -of it.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[72]</a></span></p> - -<p>This is exactly my attitude toward the -boy’s early reading. I do not throw wide -open the doors of the paper-cover library -and push him into it. But if he shows a -desire to explore it, I go with him. -Wherever I can save him time and eyestrain -by a friendly suggestion, I am there -to make it. When I find him reading -“Cut-Throat Charley, the Terror of the -Spanish Main,” I do not pooh-pooh the -book or make sport of the boy. I do -tell him that the best pirate story ever -written is Stevenson’s “Treasure Island” -and tell him that if he wants a shipwreck -story that will make his hair stand up he -ought to read Poe’s “Arthur Gordon -Pym” or Reade’s “Foul Play.” Once he -has read either of these, you may depend -upon it that “Cut-Throat Charley” will -never ring true.</p> - -<p>When he takes up Mr. Nicholas Carter -I suggest “The Mystery of the Rue<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[73]</a></span> -Morgue,” “Les Misérables” and “Sherlock -Holmes,” and other detective stories -of the better class.</p> - -<p>My boy had been learning from other -boys something of the exploits of Jesse -James and asked me if I would get the -book. I agreed to it, readily. Somewhat -to my surprise I found that since my time -the list of James books had been increased -to thirty-six. Thirty-five of these -were “pot-boilers”; “Jesse James’ -Nemesis,” “Jesse James’ Revenge,” -“Jesse James’ Long Chance,” “Jesse -James’ Mistake,” and so on. I passed -these over, of course, and invested fifteen -cents in “The James Boys, Jesse and -Frank,” which was the book I had read -when I was a youngster. It was a plain -record of the men’s exploits, compiled -from newspaper clippings of that period. -I explained to the boy that the others were -largely imaginative—unreal. We read the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[74]</a></span> -book together. Then we read the story -of Cole Younger and his brothers and -later that of the criminal career of Harry -Tracy, the infamous outlaw of the Northwest. -Together we enjoyed the romance, -such as there was, of their exploits; together -we discussed the animal courage -and moral cowardice of their careers; and -together we followed them to the punishment -which they so richly deserved.</p> - -<p>Had my boy evinced a desire to read -the remaining thirty-five James books, I -would not have restrained him, farther -than to suggest a change. It so happened -that when he had finished the three books -mentioned he had had enough of these distinguished -gentlemen and their ilk, and began -casting about in other directions.</p> - -<p>So my message on the reading subject is, -don’t think that the boy’s craving for the -nickel library is an indication of depravity, -or that indulgence in it will start him on<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[75]</a></span> -the road to perdition. The appetite for -these books is a normal one. It develops -at a time when his appreciation -of romance is in full bloom but while big -words, subtle phrasing and genuine ingenuity -are not yet within his comprehension. -It demands quick action and quick -results, stripped of the artistic setting and -higher polish which are demanded by the -refinement of matured intellect.</p> - -<p>Do not regard this kind of reading as -a menace to the boy’s morals, but as a -stepping-stone to something better and -more beneficial. Do not, either by rule or -ridicule, drive the boy from his home to -seek it, but stay with him and guide him -through it. Keep him well supplied with -good books and good magazines that approach, -as nearly as you can judge, the -requirement of his fancy. Watch him, -but do not worry him. Have the better -things at hand and accessible and point<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[76]</a></span> -the way to them. Rest assured that in -due time Cut-Throat Charley will have -lost his charm, and a hero more worthy -of emulation will stand in his shoes.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[77]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="chapter"> -<h2><a name="VI" id="VI">VI</a><br /> -<small>THE SIN OF SEX SECRECY</small></h2> -</div> - - -<p>Let us suppose that our country has become -involved in a war. At the edge of -your town a battle rages. You can hear -the roar of cannon and clash of steel as -columns of men fall in their blood, cut -down by the flashing sabres and flying -canister. Re-enforcements are hurrying -to the scene. Up the street comes a regiment -of soldiers with flags waving, drums -beating and arms gleaming in the sunshine. -Your son, your boy, standing in the doorway, -laughs and cheers as they approach. -The band strikes up a lively air. The boy -beats time with his feet, starts, hesitates -and then, with a wave of his cap, falls in -line with the gay procession and marches<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[78]</a></span> -joyously toward the scene of death and -carnage.</p> - -<p>Madam, at such a moment what would -you do? Would you sit calmly at your -window and see him go innocently, blindly -on to the danger that you knew lay just beyond -the turn of the road?</p> - -<p>Would you not fly to his side and draw -him back and hold him tight in your arms? -And if he were big and strong and insistent, -though still your boy, would you -not at least tell him that war is not all -music and drum-beats and bright uniforms? -Would you not warn him of its -dangers, of its horrors? If he must go -and you could not hold him, would you let -him go unwarned of its realities—and unarmed?</p> - -<p>Well, there is a war in progress—in our -country, in your town; a war more terrible, -more revolting than any chronicled in history. -The youth of America are marching<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[79]</a></span> -toward the battleground, and the -splendid column is passing your window -now, to-day and every day. Perhaps you -do not see the conflict yourself, for the -battlefield is always just around the -corner.</p> - -<p>As sure as you have a son, just so sure -will he some day turn that corner. Just so -sure will he some day stand on your doorstep, -and feel the lure of the passing -show, and just so sure will he some time -be drawn into the conflict, when he will -have to fight his way through as best he -can. At six he is in your arms; at sixteen -he will be on the firing-line; at twenty-six -the ordeal will have passed and the battle -will have been lost or won. Can you -then look backward into the past and feel -that you had warned and fortified him?</p> - -<p>I can. Whatever may be in store for -my boy, he goes to meet it with more than -my prayers—he has, also, a full knowledge<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[80]</a></span> -of life’s mysteries. He shares with -me a thorough understanding of the evils -that may beset him. If my affectionate -admonitions can help him, he has them; -if my mistakes of the past serve as danger -signals along his pathway, he knows of -them; if my longer experience and broader -knowledge of the world’s ways can save -him, he shall escape the snares and pitfalls -that await the heedless step of the -untaught and untold young.</p> - -<p>Before he was seven I had told him -whence we come. Scraps of conversation -overheard on the street between his own -playfellows warned me that the time had -come and made my duty clear. I saw the -pity of it! My boy, whom I had taught -to look trustfully to me for the truth at -all times and about all things; my boy -hearing distorted and vulgarised bits of -knowledge that should have come to him -solemnly and sacredly from the parent<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[81]</a></span> -whom he had learned to look upon as the -fountainhead!</p> - -<p>This is what I told him:</p> - -<p>“God made everything, as you know. -He made the sea and the land, the sky -and the stars and the sun and the moon. -He makes the trees and the plants and -the animals and the boys and the girls -who grow to be men and women. But -when I say God makes these things I do -not mean that He makes them with tools, -as you would make a playhouse, or with -His hands, as you would make a snow-man. -He makes all of these things by a great -plan which He has laid out and by which -all things, with His help, spring up and -grow, over and over again, so that the -world may go on just as it is for years -and years. By this plan all living things -come from a seed. This seed is within all -grown-up plants and grown-up animals. -When a new plant is needed, a seed falls<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[82]</a></span> -from the grown-up plant and falls into -the soil, where it sprouts and becomes a -young plant. Every kind of animal is -composed of two sexes, the male sex and -the female sex. The fathers are of the -male sex; the mothers of the female sex. -As the seed of plants is within the flower, -so the seed of animals is within the -mother animal. When a new animal is -needed the seed within the mother slowly -grows into a young animal like the father -or mother, and while it is still very small -it comes out into the light and sunshine; -and that is what we mean when we say it is -born. Men and women are animals. -They are different from all other animals -in that they can talk and think and are -much higher and better in every way. -But the seed forms within the mother just -as it does within the plants and birds and -animals of all kinds. And when another -child is needed the seed begins to grow<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[83]</a></span> -and takes the form of a little child and -after awhile it comes into the world to be -dressed and fed and cared for; that is -what we mean when we say that a babe has -been born. That is how you came into -the world and how I came and how all -of us came. It is all a part of God’s -wonderful plan to keep the world growing -greater and better and more beautiful. -It is not good for boys to talk about -these beautiful things in a rough way, and -I hope you will not do so. I tell them to -you because I want you to know the truth. -If there is anything you do not understand, -ask me and I will explain it. Whatever -you may hear, no matter whether it is -good or bad, if you want to know the -truth about it come to me and I will tell -you.”</p> - -<p>That was all. Science in words of two -syllables. Science is truth, and truth is -what your boy demands.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[84]</a></span></p> - -<p>My boy took me at my word. He -came back for further enlightenment -more than once. But every time I answered -him soberly, freely and truthfully. -And when he knew everything he was -immune to that contamination which mystery -breeds. And what is more, the -parent had measured up to the child’s -ideal. The father was still the fountainhead; -and no boy will drink from the -stagnant pool of vulgarity when the clear -crystal water of truth is close at hand.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Revealing the science of propagation -to the child-boy is, after all, only the first -step toward unfolding the many facts of -sex—facts that are made mysteries -through the inexcusable selfishness—or -modesty, if you prefer to call it that—of -mothers and fathers. If sealing the -secrets of sex is an injustice to the boy of -six, it is a scarlet sin against the youth of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[85]</a></span> -sixteen. At six he is looking at life curiously -from the family dooryard—within -the mother’s call; but at sixteen or soon -thereafter, he strides out into the street, -marches down the highway and turns the -corner. He is on the firing-line. Now -comes a crisis in the boy’s life so acute, -so grave that I approach the subject with -trepidation. My poor pen, tempered by -that delicacy demanded of printed words, -seems incapable of the task before me. -And I approach it also with reverence -because I look upon it as an almost divine -privilege to be permitted to discuss with -an army of mothers a problem which I -regard as the great tragedy of American -youth.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Nature is good, Nature is provident, -but above all Nature is self-preservative. -Go to your naturalists, your entomologists, -and they will all tell you that the law of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[86]</a></span> -perpetuation is first and foremost among -all living things. Man is no exception. -Your boy, just coming into his maturity, is -in this respect like unto all other growing -things that God has made. As he ripens -toward manhood this instinct becomes -more manifest within him. Vaguely, perhaps, -he recognises its import, but in the -main it is a mystery. In a general way -he may reason out its purpose; but how -can he know its humanised limitations? -How can he know that the refining -process of civilisation has demanded a -check upon the exercise of Nature’s functions? -And—here is the vital issue—how -shall he know of the dread penalties Nature -sometimes exacts when these restraints -are violated? Why is it that the -loving father and mother, who labour with -him and watch over him and shield him -through childhood, decline to raise a finger -of warning against the grim spectre of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[87]</a></span> -disease that stalks behind the painted faces -of the underworld? Must it be written, -to the shame of human parenthood, that -the very horror of this evil stays the -warning hand? Or does the mother fall -into that too common error of thinking -that this evil of evils is open to every -boy but her own? Then listen to this, -which I quote from an eminent authority:</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> - -<p>“Take a group of one hundred young -men—those from eighteen to twenty-five -years of age—and seventy-five of these -will be found to be suffering either from -the effects of venereal diseases or still in -an acute stage of one of them.”</p></div> - -<p>Mothers, let not your eyes be blinded -to a condition that medical records have -proven to be a fact. It may be your boy -and it may be mine.</p> - -<p>The chances of its being mine are reduced<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[88]</a></span> -to the minimum—<em>because my boy -will know</em>. The revelation, as I make it, -is so simple and yet so complete, that it -could be accomplished with equal ease by -mother or father. When he is about sixteen -I place in his hand a book that tells -him all, and I say to him: “My boy, when -you are alone, read this.<a name="FNanchor_1" id="FNanchor_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_1" class="fnanchor">[1]</a> There are -truths in it which you should know.” -From that hour the “great social peril” -must fight my son in the open. He knows -all that science can teach—all that parents -can tell.</p> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p class="noi"><a name="Footnote_1" id="Footnote_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_1"><span class="label">[1]</span></a> There are several good books designed for this -purpose. “Confidential Chats with Boys,” and -“Plain Facts on Sex Hygiene,” are two in a series -on this subject by Wm. Lee Howard, M.D., and -published by E. J. Clode, 156 Fifth Avenue, New York.</p></div> - -<p>I am going to say now what I should -have said at the outset—that the father, -though he may leave every other phase -of the boy’s development to the mother, -should take the initiative in sex enlightenment.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[89]</a></span> -He should regard it as his peculiar -right, his sacred privilege, to point -out the devious paths through which he -himself may have threaded his way from -youth to man’s estate. There are no barriers -between me and my boy. The oneness -of affection and the sameness of sex -easily compass the disparity in years. He -grows older but I do not, for I am waiting -for him. In fact I am going back to him—I -am meeting him halfway. Our play is -as boy with boy. Our talks are as man to -man.</p> - -<p>In a relationship like this there are no -“sex secrets.” There is no ice to break, -because the transmission of knowledge is -consistent, gradual and unconscious. But -when the father fails in his duty and the -mother has to step into the breach, it is -different, I concede. There is a certain -reserve which is womanly, and perhaps -not unmotherly. Still, mother’s love is a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[90]</a></span> -poor thing if it cannot break down that -slender wall to save the boy. And -mother’s love is not a poor thing, but a -great power. So if mothers can only be -made to see why it must be done, and when -and how, I believe they will do it.</p> - -<p>This is an appeal not to parental love -only, but to parental reason. It is made -not by a purist, but by one who has travelled -the road by which all boys must go, -and who knows its every crook and turn. -It is a plea in behalf of the American boy, -who asks only that he be given a torch -to light his way.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[91]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="chapter"> -<h2><a name="VII" id="VII">VII</a><br /> -<small>THE WEED AND THE WINECUP</small></h2> -</div> - - -<p>In the past fiscal year there were smoked -in the United States nearly two million -cigarettes more than in any previous year -of the nation’s history; and the consumption -of distilled spirits, exclusive of wines -and beers, broke the record of the preceding -year by twenty-three million gallons.</p> - -<p>Now, there is nothing particularly remarkable -about these figures except as -they signify that we, as a nation, are -smoking and drinking considerably more -than we used to, which in turn suggests -the question: To what extent are our boys -responsible for the increase? I’m sure I -don’t know, and I can’t see any way of -finding out. But I do know, from daily<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[92]</a></span> -observation, that the tobacco and strong -drink habits are formed in boyhood more -commonly than there is any need of. I -do know that a great many young men acquire -a taste for cigarettes and whiskey -while yet in their teens, purely through -lack of the proper parental influence and -instruction.</p> - -<p>To me this seems pitiable, especially -because it is so obviously unnecessary. -The parents’ duty is clear. It is amenable -to a hard and fast rule to which there -need be no exception, from which there -should be no deviation. The boy should -be made to abstain from liquor and tobacco -until he is twenty-one.</p> - -<p>How can you keep him from them? -Facts, logic, reason. By these means and -only these, can you get the boy on the -right track and be sure that he will stick. -Threats, coercion, exaggerations, bribes -or pleadings will accomplish nothing dependable.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[93]</a></span> -At this stage in his career you -can tell him what to do, but you must also -tell him why.</p> - -<p>A lady once said to me: “You believe -that the parent should live according to -the principle he teaches the child. Then, -how can you deny your son tobacco, with -a lighted cigar between your lips?”</p> - -<p>The answer to this brings us to the nib -of the tobacco question. The child is put -to bed at seven o’clock, although the -parents may not retire until eleven. The -child takes milk at breakfast and the -parents may have coffee. The father may -devote ten hours of the day to work, but -this would not be well for the child. -Many things that the man may do with -impunity are not good for the growing -boy.</p> - -<p>This is exactly what I tell my boy, and -he sees the logic of it: While a boy is -growing he should take nothing into his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[94]</a></span> -system that is not nutritious and he should -particularly abstain from anything that -may retard the development of his bodily -organs, even in the slightest degree. -Every pulsation of the heart, every expansion -of the lung cells, every function -of the nerves must do its work unimpeded -while the frame is lengthening and broadening -into the proportions of a man. -Once the frame is completely developed -the organs merely have to renew the old -tissues. But during the growing period -they have not only to renew the old but to -create additional flesh, blood and bone to -meet the demands of the increasing bulk. -There are two chemicals in tobacco, -pyridine and nicotine, that have a restraining -effect upon the heart, lungs and -nerves. If you give them the additional -burden of carrying off these two poisonous -chemicals, the building up of the tissues -is sure to suffer. If you do not feel<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[95]</a></span> -bad results from it in youth, you will certainly -feel them in later years.</p> - -<p>Said my boy to me: “I know a chap -who smokes cigarettes; and he does a -hundred yards in eleven seconds.” -“That’s too bad,” said I, “for just so -sure as he does it in eleven seconds with -the cigarette handicap, he could do it in -ten and a half without it. And if this boy -is running for an organised athletic department -like that of a college or an -established club, the training rules will -forbid him the use of tobacco for a certain -period before the day of the contests. -Ask any athletic coach about tobacco and -he will tell you to ‘cut it out.’ Ask any -physician about it—even one who is himself -a smoker—and he will tell you that -no matter how strong and well a growing -youth who smokes may be, he would be a -good degree stronger and better if he did -not use tobacco. You would like to arrive<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[96]</a></span> -at manhood, as nearly physically perfect -as you can, wouldn’t you? You have not -as yet acquired a taste for tobacco, have -you? Well, then, do you not see that by -abstaining from it you have something to -gain and absolutely nothing to lose? Let -tobacco alone until you are twenty-one. -I might better say twenty-five, for that is -the accepted age of maturity. But we will -put it at twenty-one and perhaps by that -time you will add a few years’ more abstinence -of your own volition.”</p> - -<p>Mothers, do not go beyond facts in -pleading against the cigarette. Do not -tell your boy that cigarettes contain opiates, -because they do not. I have been -through dozens of cigarette factories and -have followed the process of manufacture -from the raw leaf to the finished article. -The better grades contain absolutely nothing -but pure tobacco of the mildest kind. -In the cheaper grades a little harmless<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[97]</a></span> -glycerine is sometimes used to relieve the -harsh taste of the tobacco. No harmful -drugs are employed. The paper wrappers -are purer and less irritating than the -tobacco. Cigarette paper is the purest -paper manufactured. The danger of the -cigarette is, first, that its cheapness appeals -to the boy who would not think of -buying cigars; and second, its very mildness -encourages the young man to -increase his smoking until he drifts into -excessiveness without knowing it. Consumed -in moderation, it is the least harmful -form in which tobacco is used. But -cigarettes or cigars, or tobaccos in any -shape whatever, are not good for the -growing boy.</p> - -<p>Mothers, this is the truth about tobacco, -and this is what you should tell your boy. -Do not say that cigarette smoking leads to -the penitentiary or the madhouse, because -it doesn’t, and the boy knows better. The<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[98]</a></span> -principal of my boy’s school walks by every -day with a cigar in his mouth. He is near -seventy and a good citizen. Do not say -tobacco creates an appetite for strong -drink, because it is not true, and the boy -will not believe it. Do not say that smoking -wrecks the nervous system, because in -ninety-nine cases out of a hundred it does -nothing of the sort, and the boy, who is -constantly observing the man, will not be -convinced. Tell him the plain truth as -I have written it, and he will see the consistency -of your reasoning.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Strong drink is no relative of tobacco. -The only similitude between the subjects -is that they are both unnecessaries, if I -may coin the word, to the boy’s career. -I have little to say about strong drink, -because, while it is a matter of vital importance -to the boy, it is a problem which -our mothers appear to have pretty well in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[99]</a></span> -hand. The great majority, I believe, proceed -on the theory that alcohol is not -good for anybody, is ruinous to many, -and, therefore, should be kept out of the -home and away from the boy. There are -a minority, however, who reason differently—thuswise: -That drink is not harmful -except to those who make it so by -excessive use; that the boy who is carefully -guarded against it in the home will -the easier fall a victim to it when he gets -beyond the home influence and the home -restraint; and, <i>per contra</i>, that the boy -who is permitted to become familiar with -the use of it moderately in the home, will -acquire temperance at the same time and -be the better fitted to combat with its attending -evils when he eventually goes out -into the world.</p> - -<p>To the majority first mentioned I have -but this to say: Go on; you are doing well.</p> - -<p>But to this minority I want to say:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[100]</a></span> -Stop! For the love of the God who made -you, stop! You are on the wrong track. -And I’ll tell you why.</p> - -<p>If alcoholism were only a habit, like the -use of tobacco, there might be a thread of -practicability in your line of reasoning. -But alcoholism is more than a habit—it is -a disease. There are alcoholic wards in -the hospitals, there are sanitariums devoted -exclusively to persons afflicted with -it, there are physicians who specialise in -the treatment of it. Some people are -immune to it; others are not. I am, it so -happens, and perhaps you are—but is your -boy?</p> - -<p>Science has lately ascertained that none -are born consumptives. Some may be born -with a tendency for the disease, or they -may be born without that tendency and -subsequently acquire the disease. The -same is true of alcohol.</p> - -<p>I have no reason to believe that my boy<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[101]</a></span> -would be particularly susceptible to tuberculosis. -Nevertheless, I do not propose -to expose him to it. His window is kept -open while he sleeps, he is encouraged to -spend much time out of doors, he is given -breathing exercises daily, he is taught to -take precautions against infection when -near any one afflicted with the disease.</p> - -<p>Nor have I any grounds for believing -that my boy has inherited the condition -that develops alcoholism. Looking back -into his ancestry, I find some non-abstainers -but no drunkards. I, his father, am absolutely -immune to it. Neither a total -abstainer nor, in my youth, even a temperatist, -I have walked arm in arm with it, -but found nothing to attract or allure.</p> - -<p>But does this justify me in deliberately -exposing my boy to it?</p> - -<p>I do not know how he is equipped for it -and there is no way of ascertaining. You -can take your boy to the doctor and he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[102]</a></span> -will tell you whether or not his condition -is favourable to consumption. But alcoholism -is more insidious. Physicians -can diagnose it but they cannot foretell or -forestall it. There are some sanitariums -for alcoholism, but there are no preventoriums.</p> - -<p>“But,” I am told, “if it is in him it will -come out sometime. Might it not better -show itself under the watchful eye of the -parents, rather than after the boy has -gone out from the home?”</p> - -<p>If it is in the boy, then every year that -will put breadth to his shoulders, brawn -on his arm, pride in his heart, judgment -into his head and force into his character, -makes him better able to cope with the -disease. No, no, a thousand times no! -Do not have on your soul the guilt of giving -your boy his first taste of wine.</p> - -<p>We must consider latent alcoholism as -a possibility in bringing up our boys. Remember,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[103]</a></span> -alcoholism is not a habit only, -but also a disease. It is much more prevalent -than smallpox, but for alcoholism -there is no vaccine; science offers no preventive -serum. It is your sacred duty, -then, to prevent the contact, to keep out -the contagion until your son has his full -growth and strength, and it is your duty -to tell him the situation as I have outlined -it, so that he may know the real danger -of rum.</p> - -<p>Then, if the tendency is not in him, -nothing has been lost, and if it is in him, -you have brought him to man’s estate -well equipped to give the evil a fair fight -for supremacy.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[104]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="chapter"> -<h2><a name="VIII" id="VIII">VIII</a><br /> -<small>OUT INTO THE WORLD</small></h2> -</div> - - -<p>A young man of my acquaintance, who -had just finished his schooling, came to -his father one morning, flushed with -pride, and holding an open letter in his -hand.</p> - -<p>“Father,” he said, “I’ve got a situation, -and the man says I may start to work -in the morning.”</p> - -<p>The father took the letter and read it.</p> - -<p>“Do you know all about this man?” -he asked.</p> - -<p>“Do I know him? Why, no; I don’t -know him at all. But he knows all -about <em>me</em>. He looked up all my references.”</p> - -<p>“Of course he did,” replied the father, -putting the letter into his pocket; “and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[105]</a></span> -before you go to work for him I’m going -to look up <em>his</em>.”</p> - -<p>It was a homely, up-state father who -said that, but he was a wise and a good -man and I revere him. He was a father -who knew the boy from the skin in. He -knew that the boy’s first employer is, in -the boy’s eyes, the greatest man in the -world. He perceived that his son, who -for twenty years had looked upon him, -the father, as the man of men, was about -to have set before him a new pattern, a -new ideal. And out of his heart came the -question:</p> - -<p>“What is this man like?”</p> - -<p>It is a fine thing to know that you have -brought your boy through that plastic -period between his cradle-hood and his -majority, and to know when he comes of -age that he is clean and straight and true. -It must be gratifying indeed, when the last -text-book is closed and laid away, to see<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[106]</a></span> -him start into the world, a man grown, -with keen aspirations and high ideals, -ready and eager to grapple with the -world on his own account, and capable -of taking care of himself with his own -hands.</p> - -<p>If you have brought him through safely -to this momentous hour, you have done -much. But is your task quite ended? -Does your responsibility stop here?</p> - -<p>That up-state father whom I have just -referred to thought that it did not; and I -agree with him. I believe that the father -and mother yet have that one last touch -to give to the character they have helped -to form. I believe it is their duty to see, -not that the boy has a good situation, but -that he starts under a good man.</p> - -<p>Naturally, the employer, in most cases, -is a man who has met with some success in -his business or his profession. He sits -apart from his subordinates. However<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[107]</a></span> -much they may use their ingenuity, it is he -who shapes the policy of the business and -dominates the concern. Every one about -him defers to him. Everything that is -done is subject to his approval. He is, in -fine, the head and front of the entire -establishment. There are clerks and -salesmen and accountants and confidential -advisers in the place, some with long experience -and grey hairs, but none are as -great as he, and all look up to the place he -occupies as a position worthy of aspiring -to.</p> - -<p>The youth enters the employ of this -man fresh from school or college. Here -he gets his first insight of the career he -intends to follow. If the employer is a -good man, a man of high principles, all is -well. But if he is a man of sharp practices, -the boy is in danger. Having no -other standard of comparison in business -life, he may fall into the error of accepting<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[108]</a></span> -his employer as a true type of the -successful man. He has come to this -place in a receptive frame of mind. Here -the foundation of his chosen career is to -be laid. Is it not probable that he will -absorb something of the morals of his -superior, even though they may not agree -with the higher ideals raised in the home? -When the boy first strikes out he is, after -all, only a fledgling. The family nest has -been feathered with love and care and -kindness and protecting influences. You -have told him of the outside world and -you have tried to give him a clear vision. -But there are some things about flying -alone that only experience can teach. -You cannot always extend the home atmosphere -beyond the home, but you can -do something akin to it. You can make -it your business to see that his first glimpse -into the new life reveals nothing contrary -to the morals of the home.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[109]</a></span></p> - -<p>You can see to it that his first employer -is the kind of man you would be satisfied -to have your son emulate.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>In the selection of the boy’s calling it is -admitted, of course, that the boy himself -is, in a large measure, the best judge. -The vocation that he inclines to most -strongly is likely to be the one for which -he is best fitted. I think, however, that -this rule is made too elastic at times.</p> - -<p>A young man of my acquaintance -thought that the stage was his calling. -The father, telling me of it in confidence, -said that in his, the father’s opinion, the -boy was best suited to the law, but added -that he would say nothing, believing it to -be a matter for the young man to decide -alone. The young man had an exceptionally -good memory, a fine speaking voice -and the gift of oratory in a remarkable -degree. He was much of a student, prepossessing<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[110]</a></span> -in appearance and magnetic in -personality.</p> - -<p>That was ten years ago and the young -man has never risen above mediocrity—and -he never will. He lacked one essential -to the drama—imagination. The -truth is that he should have gone into the -law. He saw the mistake in course of -time, and told me so, but it was too late. -Time had elapsed and he could not turn -back.</p> - -<p>The boy is not always a good self-analyst. -He is too prone to measure his -talents perfunctorily. It does not follow -that your son’s calling is art because he -can chalk a caricature on the wall; that he -should be a poet because he can dash off -a sentiment in rhyme; that he is suited to -the clergy because he is of a pious turn -of mind. It does not always follow that -the thing he does the most easily he can do -the best. This is the mistake that parents<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[111]</a></span> -must guard against when the time comes -for choosing a profession for the boy.</p> - -<p>They have studied the boy from infancy, -while he has studied himself but little, -and that with an immatured mind. Is it -unlikely, then, that the parents often -know his latent capabilities better than -he himself knows them? It goes without -saying that the son shall not be driven -by parental authority into a profession -that is distasteful to him; but I think in -most cases the parents can aid the boy in -finding the true thread of his bent. With -no attempt at coercion they can help him -to accurately analyse those natural leanings -which, in the embryo, are many times -conflicting and misleading. It appears to -me that the counsel of the parents is needed -at this time no less than at any other -period in the boy’s life.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Having seen the boy well reared and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[112]</a></span> -started in the career for which he is best -equipped, and under the direction of a -superior whose influence will be uplifting, -I think the parents may rest in that peace -and tranquillity of mind that comes with -the consciousness of a duty well done. -They may now sit quietly by and watch -while the boy works.</p> - -<p>I would caution them against expecting -too much of him. Of the million-and-a-half -of American boys born every year, -all cannot be famous—all cannot be rich. -Only a few can be President of the United -States. But all can be good citizens, and -that is the kind of material that the country -needs. We have plenty of great men, -and too many very rich men. A great -man is merely a good man picked haphazard -from thousands of others just as -good—picked by Opportunity whenever -the occasion demands. A rich man is one -who has more money than he needs.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[113]</a></span> -Either of these, beyond a certain stage of -self-progress, is a child of chance.</p> - -<p>What you have a right to expect from -your son, if you have trained him conscientiously, -is success. I do not mean the -success that is measured by the dollar -sign, or by the size of the type in which -the newspapers print his name.</p> - -<p>The successful man, in the true sense of -the word, is the law-abiding citizen who -gives unto the world enough of his brain -and brawn to pay the way of himself and -his family through it.</p> - -<p>I believe there is the making of such -a man in every healthy boy that is born -into the civilised world. I believe that -every healthy boy is brought into the world -a good boy. If one of these develops -into a bad boy it is because he is made to; -not affirmatively, but negatively—through -the want of proper training. All the boy -needs is to be treated as a boy. He is not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[114]</a></span> -a god, to be worshipped, or a girl, to be -coddled, or a dog, to be driven. The boy -that I know is a sturdy little human being, -distinctly masculine in gender, with a desire -to be doing something and a want of -direction; in fine, an embryotic man.</p> - -<p>Give him the light, tell him the truth, -show him the way. Do this consistently, -conscientiously, and he will measure up to -the highest standard of good citizenship.</p> - -<p>More than this I do not ask of my boy.</p> - - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<div class="tnote"> -<p class="noi tntitle">Transcriber’s Notes:</p> - -<p class="smfont">Punctuation and spelling inaccuracies were silently corrected.</p> - -<p class="smfont">Archaic and variable spelling has been preserved.</p> -</div> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Bringing up the Boy, by Carl Werner - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BRINGING UP THE BOY *** - -***** This file should be named 56109-h.htm or 56109-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/6/1/0/56109/ - -Produced by Donald Cummings and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive/American Libraries.) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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