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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d85c96c --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #55342 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/55342) diff --git a/old/55342-0.txt b/old/55342-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 1b6f554..0000000 --- a/old/55342-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,10544 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Pine Tree Ballads, by Holman F. Day - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - -Title: Pine Tree Ballads - Rhymed Stories of Unplaned Human Natur' up in Maine - -Author: Holman F. Day - -Release Date: August 11, 2017 [EBook #55342] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PINE TREE BALLADS *** - - - - -Produced by David Widger from page images generously -provided by the Internet Archive - - - - - - - -PINE TREE BALLADS - -Rhymed Stories of Unplaned Human Natur’ Up in Maine - -By Holman F. Day - -Boston: Small, Maynard & Company - -1902 - -[Illustration: 0001] - -[Illustration: 0006] - -[Illustration: 0007] - - TO THE HONORABLE - JOHN ANDREW PETERS, LL.D. - FORMER CHIEF JUSTICE OF - THE SUPREME JUDICIAL COURT OF MAINE - I DEDICATE THIS VOLUME - IN MEMORY OF MANY YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP - AND IN SINCERE APPRECIATION - OF THE JURIST AND WIT - WHO HAS IN ALL DIGNITY - EVER TURNED A SMILING FACE TOWARD HIS MAINE - THAT HAS SMILED LOVINGLY BACK AT HIM - - - - -FOREWORD - -T_HESE are plain tales of picturesque character-phases in Maine -Yankeedom from the Allegash to the ocean. These are the men whose hands -are blistered by plow-handle and ax, or whose calloused palms are gouged -by the trawls. Their heads are as hard as the stones piled around their -acres. Their wit is as keen as the bush-scythes with which they trim -their rough pastures. But their hearts are as soft as the feather beds -in their spare-rooms. - -The frontispiece to this volume is from a photograph of “Uncle Solon” - Chase, the widely known sage of Chase’s Mills in Andros-coggin county. -In Greenback days he won national fame as “Them Steers” and his quaint -sayings have traveled from the Atlantic to the Pacific. There is no man -in Maine who better typifies the homespun humor, honesty, and -intelligence of Yankeedom. The picture opposite page 126 is from a -photograph of the late Ezra Stephens of Oxford county, famed years ago -as “the P. T. Barnum of Maine.” He originated the dancing turkey, the -wonderful bird that appears in the story of “Ozy B. Orr.” - In another picture is shown “Jemimy” at her old loom and beside her are -the swifts and the spinning wheel. The pictures illustrating “Elkanah -B. Atkinson” (a poem commemorating a real episode in the life of Barney -McGonldrick of Cherry field Tavern) and “John W. Jones” are character -studies that will appeal to those who are acquainted with Maine rural -life. - -The thanks of the author and of the publish-ers are due to The Saturday -Evening Post of Philadelphia, The Youth’s Companion, Ainslee’s Magazine, -and Everybody’s Magazine, for permission to include in this volume -verses which originally appeared in their columns, copyrighted by them._ - - -PINE TREE BALLADS - - -OUR HOME FOLKS - - -FEEDIN’ THE STOCK - - Hear the chorus in that tie-up, runch, ger- - - runch, and runch and runch! - - --There’s a row of honest critters! Does me - - good to hear ’em munch. - - When the barn is gettin’ dusky and the sun’s - - behind the drifts, - - --Touchin’ last the gable winder where the - dancin’ hay-dust sifts, - - When the coaxin’ from the tie-up kind o’ hints - it’s five o’clock-- - - Wal, I’ve got a job that suits me--that’s the - chore of feedin’ stock. - - We’ve got patches down to our house--honest - patches, though, and neat, - - But we’d rather have the patches than to skinch - on what we eat. - - Lots of work, and grub to back ye--that’s a - mighty wholesome creed. - - --Critters fust, s’r, that’s my motto--give the - critters all they need. ‘ - - And the way we do at our house, marm and - me take what is left, - - And--wal,--we ain’t goin’ hungry, as you’ll - notice by our heft. - - Drat the man that’s calculatin’ when he meas- - ures out his hay, - - Groanin’ ev’ry time he pitches ary forkful out - the bay; - - Drat the man who feeds out ruff-scuff, wood - and wire from the swale, - - ’Cause he wants to press his herds’-grass, send - his clover off for sale. - - Down to our house we wear patches, but it - ain’t nobody’s biz - - Jest as long as them ’ere critters git the best of - hay there is. - - When the cobwebs on the rafters drip with - winter’s early dusk - - And the rows of critters’ noses, damp with - breath as sweet as musk, - - Toss and tease me from the tie-up--ain’t a job - that suits me more - - Than the feedin’ of the cattle--that’s the reg’- - lar wind-up chore. - - When I grain ’em or I meal ’em--wal, there’s - plenty in the bin, - - And I give ’em quaker measure ev’ry time I - dip down in; - - And the hay, wal, now I’ve cut it, and I own - it and it’s mine - - And I jab that blamed old fork in, till you’d - think I’d bust a tine. - - I ain’t doin’ it for praises--no one sees me but - the pup, - - --And I get his apperbation, ‘cause he pounds - his tail, rup, rup! - - No, I do it ‘cause I want to; ‘cause I couldn’t - sleep a wink, - - If I thought them poor dumb critters lacked for - fodder or for drink. - - And to have the scufflin’ barnful give a jolly - little blat - - When you open up o’ mornin’s, ah, there’s com- - fort, friend, in that! - - And you’ve prob’ly sometimes noticed, when - his cattle hate a man, - - That it’s pretty sure his neighbors size him up - on that same plan. - - But I’m solid in my tie-up; when I’ve finished - up that chore, - - I enjoy it standin’ list’nin’ for a minit at the - door. - - And the rustle of the fodder and the nuzzlin’ - in the meal - - And the runchin’s of their feedin’ make this - humble feller feel - - That there ain’t no greater comfort than this - ’ere--to understand - - That a dozen faithful critters owe their com- - fort to my hand. - - Oh, the dim old barn seems homelike, with its - overhanging mows, - - With its warm and battened tie-up, full of well- - fed sheep and cows. - - Then I shet the door behind me, drop the bar - and drive the pin - - And, with Jeff a-waggin’ after, lug the foamin’ - milk pails in. - - That’s the style of things to our house--marm - and me we don’t pull up - - Until ev’ry critter’s eatin’, from the cattle to - the pup. - - Then the biskits and the spare-rib and plum - preserves taste good, - - For we’re feelin’, me and mother, that we’re - actin’’bout’s we should. - - Like as can be, after supper mother sews an- - other patch - - And she says the duds look trampy, ’cause she - ain’t got goods to match. - - Fust of all, though, comes the mealbins and - the hay-mows; after those - - If there’s any extry dollars, wal, we’ll see about - new clothes. - - But to-night, why, bless ye, mother, pull the - rug acrost the door; - - --Warmth and food and peace and comfort-- - let’s not pester God for more. - - -JOHN W. JONES - -[Illustration: 0025] - - A sort of a double-breasted face had old John - W. Jones, - - Reddened and roughened by sun and wind, - with angular high cheek-bones. - - At the fair, one time, of the Social Guild he re- - ceived unique renown - - By being elected unanimously the homeliest - man in town. - - The maidens giggled, the women smiled, the - men laughed loud and long, - - And old John W. leaned right back and ho- - hawed good and strong. - - And never was jest too broad for him--for all - of the quip and chaff - - That assailed his queer old mug through life - he had but a hearty laugh. - - “Ho, ho”, he’d snort, “haw, haw”, he’d roar; - “that’s me, my friends, that’s me! - - Now hain’t that the most skew-angled phiz - that ever ye chanced to see?” - - And then he would tell us this little tale. - - “’Twas one dark night”, said he, - - “I was driving along in a piece of woods and - there wasn’t a ray to see, - - And all to once my cart locked wheels with - another old chap’s cart; - - We gee-ed and backed but we hung there fast, - and neither of us could start. - - Then the stranger man he struck a match, to - see how he’d git away, - - And I vum, he had the homeliest face I’ve seen - for many a day. - - Wal, jest for a joke I grabbed his throat and - pulled my pipe-case out, - - And the stranger reckoned I had a gun, and he - wrassled good and stout. - - But I got him down on his back at last and - straddled acrost his chest, - - And allowed to him that he’d better plan to - go to his last long rest. - - He gasped and groaned he was poor and old - and hadn’t a blessed cent, - - And almost blubbering asked to know what - under the sun I meant. - - Said I, ‘I’ve sworn if I meet a man that’s - homelier ’n what I be, - - I’ll kill him. I reckin I’ve got the man.’ Says - he, ‘Please let me see?’ - - So I loosened a bit while he struck a match; - he held it with trembling hand - - While through the tears in his poor old eyes - my cross-piled face he scanned. - - Then he dropped the match and he groaned - and said, ‘If truly ye think that I - - Am ha’f as homely as what you be--please - shoot! I want to die.’” - - And the story always would start the laugh - and Jones would drop his jaw, - - And lean’way back and slap his leg and - laugh, - - “Ho, haw--haw--haw-w-w!” - That was Jones, - --John W. Jones, - - Queer, Gothic old structure of cob-piled bones; - His droll, red face - Had not a trace - - Of comeliness or of special grace; - - But I tell you, friends, that candor glowed - In those true old eyes--those deep old - eyes, - - And love and faith and manhood showed - Without disguise--without disguise. - - Though he certainly won a just renown - As the homeliest man we had in town. - - He never had married--that old John Jones; - he’d grubbed on his little patch, - - Supported his parents until they died, and then - he had lived “old bach”. - - We had some suspicions we couldn’t prove: - for years had an unknown man - Distributed gifts to the poor in town on a sort - of a Santa Claus plan. - - If a worthy old widow was needing wood-- - some night would that wood be left, - - There was garden truck placed in the barns of - those by mishap or drought bereft. - - And once when the night was clear and bright - in the glorious month of June, - - Poor broken-legged Johnson’s garden was - hoed in the light of the great white moon. - - And often some farmer by sickness weighed, - and weary, discouraged and poor, - - Would find a wad of worn old bills tucked - carefully under his door. - - And the tracks in the sod of this man who trod - by night on his secret routes - - Were suspiciously like the other tracks that - were left by John Jones’ boots. - - And the wheel-marks wobbled extremely like - the trail of Jones’ old cart, - - But whatever his mercies he hid them all in the - depths of his warm old heart. - - For whenever the neighbors would pin him - down, he’d lift his faded hat, - - “Now, say”, he’d laugh, “can a man be good - with a physog such as that?” - - Then came the days--the black, dread days - when the small-pox swept our town, - - With pest-house crowded from sill to eaves and - the nurses “taken down.” - - And panic reigned and the best went wild and - even the doctors fled, - - And scarce was there one to aid the sick or - bury the awful dead. - - But there in that pest house day and night a - man with quiet tones - - And steady heart kept still at work--and that - was old John Jones. - - While ever his joke was, “What! Afraid? - - Why, gracious me, I’m fine, - - And if I weren’t, a few more dents won’t harm - this face of mine”. - - But those who writhed and moaned in pain - within that loathsome place - - Saw beauty not of man and earth upon that - gnarled old face. - - And when he eased their pain-racked forms or - brought the cooling draught, - - They wondered if this saint could be the man - at whom they’d laughed. - - And thus he fought, unwearied, brave, until - the Terror passed, - - --And then, poor old John W. Jones, he had - the small-pox last. - - And worn by vigils, toil, and fast, the fate he - had defied - - Descended on him, stern and fierce,--he died, - my friends, he died. - - They held one service at the church for all the - village dead. - - The pastor, when he came to Jones, he choked - a bit and said: - - “If handsome is as handsome does--and now - I say to you - - I verily--I honestly believe that saying true. - - --If handsome is as handsome does, we had - right here in town - - A man whose beauty fairly shone--from - Heaven itself brought down. - - At first, perhaps, we failed to grasp the con- - tour of that face, - - But now with God’s own light on it we see its - perfect grace. - - And so I say our handsomest man”--the pas- - tor hushed his tones, - - With streaming eyes looked up and said, “was - old John W. Jones - - Such was Jones, - - --John W. Jones, - - Queer, Gothic old structure of cob-piled bones; - His quaint, red face - Had not a trace - - Of comeliness or of special grace. - - But I tell you, friends, we drop this shell, - Just over There--just over There! - - Good thoughts, good deeds, good hearts will - tell - In moulding souls, serene and fair, - - And Jones will stand with harp and crown, - The handsomest angel from our old town. - - -DEED OF THE OLD HOME PLACE - - Slowly the toil-cramped, gnarled old fist - Wrought at the sheet with a rasping pen; - Halted with tremulous quirk and twist, - Staggered, and then went on again. - - The wan sun peeped through the wee patched - pane - - And checkered the floor where the pale - beams shone - - In a quaint old kitchen up in Maine, - - With an old man writing there alone. - - And the pen wrought on and the head drooped - low - - And a tear plashed down on the rusted pen, - As it traced a verse of the long ago - - That his grief had brought to his heart - again. - - Be kind to thy father for when thou wast - young, - Who loved thee so fondly as lied - He caught the first accents that fell from - thy tongue. - - And joined in thy innocent glee. - - Be kind to thy father for now he is old, - His locks intermingled with gray; - - His footsteps are feeble, once fearless and - bold - - Thy father is passing away. - - Be kind to thy mother for lo, on her brow, - May traces of sorrow be seen. - - Oh, well mayst thou cherish and comfort - her now, - - For loving and kind has she been. - Remember thy mother, for thee she will - pray - As long as God giveth her breath - With accents of kindness; then cheer her - hard way - E’en thro’ the dark valley of death.” - - -OUR HOME FOLKS - - Listlessly threshed in a careless court - The poor, plain tale of a home was told, - Furnishing food for the lawyers’ sport - And a jest at the fond and the foolish old. - The counsel said as he winked an eye, - “Deeded the farm to their only son; - - And after’twas deeded they didn’t die - Quite as quick as they should have done.” - - Drearily dragged the homely case, - - Petty and mean in all its parts; - - Quest thro’ the law for an old home place, - - --Put never a word of two broken hearts. - Only a suit where the son and wife - - Pledged themselves when they coaxed the - deed, - - To comfort the close of the old folks’ life: - - --Only another case where greed - Sneered at the toil of the long, hard years - Of martyrdom to the hoe and axe, - - Writ in wrinkles and etched in tears - - And told in the curve of the old bent backs, - --Bent in the strife with the rocky soil, - - When the grinding work was never done, - With just one rift in the cloud of toil: - - --‘Twas all for the sake of their only son. - Simply a tedious legal maze - - With neighbors stirring the thing for sport, - - too. - - And loungers eyeing with listless gaze - This queer old couple dragged to court. - - Meekly they would have granted greed - All that it sought for--all its spoil; - - Little they valued a forfeit deed, - - Nor selfishly reckoned their years of toil. - - Heartsick they while the lawyers urged, - - Mute when the law vouchsafed their prayer; - - --Courts soothe not such grief as surged - In the hearts of the old folks trembling there. - - What though the jury’s word restored - The walls and roof of the old home place? - - Would it give them back the blessed hoard - Of trust that knew no son’s disgrace? - - Would it give them back his boyhood smiles, - His boyhood love, their simple joy, - - Would it heal the wounds of these afterwhiles, - And make him again their own dear boy? - - Would it soothe the smart of the cruel words, - Of sullen looks and cold neglect? - - And dull the taunts that pierced like swords - And slashed where the wielders little recked? - - No; Justice gives the walls and roof, - - --To palsied hands a cancelled deed, - - Rebuking with a stern reproof - A son’s unfilial, shameless greed. - - But love that made that old home warm, - - And hope that made all labor sweet, - - The glow of peace that shamed the storm - And melted on the pane the sleet; - - And faith and truth and loving hearts - And tender trust in fellow men-- - - Ah, these, my friend, no lawyers’ arts - Can give again, can give again. - - -THANKSGIVIN’ JIM - - He always dodged ’round in a ragged old - coat, - - With a tattered, blue comforter tied on his - throat. - - His dusty old cart used to rattle and bang - - As he yelled through the village, “Gid dap!” - and “Go ’lang!” - - You’d think from his looks that he wa’n’t wuth - a cent; - - --Was poorer than Pooduc, to judge how he - went. - - But back in the country don’t reckon on style - - To give ye a notion of anyone’s pile. - - When he died and they figgered his pus’nal - estate, - - He was mighty well-fixed--was old “Squeal- - in’ Jim” Waite. - - But say, I’d advise ye to sort of look out - - How ye say “Squealin’ Jim” when the’s - widders about. - - They’re likely to light on ye, hot tar and pitch, - - And give ye some points as to what, where and - which; - - For if ever a critter was reckoned a saint - - By the widders’round here, I’ll be dinged if he - ain’t. - - For please understand that the widders call - him, - - --Sheddin’ tears while they’re sayin’ it,-- - “Thanksgivin’ Jim”. - - He was little--why, - - Wa’n’t scarce knee high - - To a garden toad. But was mighty spry! - - He was all of a whew - If he’d things to do! - - ’Twas a zip and a streak when Jim went - through. - - But his voice was twice as big as him - - And the boys all called him “Squealin’ Jim”. - - He was always a-hurryin’ all through his life - - And said there wa’n’t time for to hunt up a - wife. - - So he kept bach’s hall and he worked like a - dog, - - --Jest whooped right along at a trottin’ hoss - - jog- - - There’s a yarn that the fellers that knew him - will tell - - If they want to set Jim out and set him out - well: - - He was bound for the city on bus’ness one day - - And whoosh! scooted down to the depot, they - say. - - The depot-man says, “Hain’t no rush, Mr. - Waite, - - For the train to the city is ten minutes late - - Off flew Squealin’ Jim with his grip, on the - run, - - And away down the track he went hoofin’ like - fun. - - When he tore out of sight, couldn’t see him - for dust - - And he squealed, “Train be jiggered! I’ll git - there, now, fust!” - - --So nervous and active he jest wouldn’t wait - - When they told him the train was a leetle dite - late. - - Now that was Jim! - - He was stubby and slim - - But it took a spry critter to step up with him. - - His height when he’d rise - - Made ye laugh, but his eyes - - Let ye know that his soul wasn’t much under- - size. - - And some old widders we had in town - - Insisted, reg’lar, he wore a crown. - - As he whoopity-larruped along on his way, - - There were people who’d turn up their noses - and say - - That Squealin’ Jim Waite wasn’t right in his - head; - - He was cranky as blazes, the old growlers said. - - I can well understand that some things he - would do - - Seemed loony as time to that stingy old crew. - - For a fact, there was no one jest like him in - town, - - He was most always actin’ the part of a clown; - - He would say funny things in his queer, - squealin’ style, - - And he talked so’s you’d hear him for more - than a mile. - - But ev’ry Thanksgivin’ time Waite he would - start - - And clatter through town in his rattlin’ old - cart, - - And what do ye s’pose? He would whang - down the street, - - Yank up at each widder’s; from under the seat - - Would haul out a turkey of yaller-legged chick - And holler, “Here, mother, h’ist out with ye, - quick!” - - Then he’d toss down a bouncer right into her - lap - - And belt off like fury with, “G’long, there! - Gid dap!” - - Didn’t wait for no thanks--couldn’t work ’em - on him, - - --Couldn’t catch him to thank him--that - Thanksgivin’ Jim. - - ’Twas a queer idee - ’Round town that he - - Was off’n his balance and crazy’s could be. - They’d set and chaw - And stew and jaw, - - And projick on what he did it for. - - But prob’ly in Heaven old Squealin’ Jim - Found lots of crazy folks jest like him. - - -“OLD POSH” - - Cheerful crab was that old Posh, - - --Warn’t afflicted much with dosh, - - --Fact, he worked round sawin’ wood, - Earnin’ what few cents he could, - - Got that name o’ Posh in fun; - - Dad had named him Washington; - - Children got to call him “Wash.” - Then at last ’twas jest “Old Posh.” - That’s the way you knew, a name - Sort of fits itself with fame: - - If he’d growed some great big gun. - Would have called him Washington. - But “Old Posh” was just as good - For a poor chap sawin’ wood. - - Critter never made no talk. - - --Made his old saw screak and scrawk, - Earnt his dollar’n ten a day. - - --Didn’t leave much time for play. - - Had a wife and boys to keep, - - Reelly had to skinch his sleep. - - I’ve been out sir, late at night - Seen him at it good and tight. - - Where he’d took it to be sawed - At a dollar’n ten a cord. - - And I’d say. Ye’re at it late.” - - Then he’d grunt himself up straight. - Slick his for’ead clear of sweat - And he’d say. “Wal, you jest bet! - Bankin’ hours don’t jibe in good - With this job cf sawin’ wood. - - Still, when this ’ere don’t suit me - I kin go and climb a tree.” - - That’s the crack he allus sent; - - --I donno jest what he meant-- - - Likely’nough, sir, even he - Didn’t have no clear idee. - - Still it seemed to fix the thing; - - --He’d commence to saw and sing, - - ’S if at anytime he could - Git clean shet of sawin’ wood. - - So he worked, s’r, all his life, - - Kept his children and his wife; - - Boys amount to more’n you’d suppose - --Got good jobs and wear good clothes. - If they’d turned out shiftless, gosh, - Never’d took the thing from Posh! - - Posh, he died at seventy-one, - - --Worked right up till set of sun. - - Sawed his reg’lar cord that day, - - Et his supper reg’lar way, - - Told his wife warn’t feel in’ well: - - Said he guessed he’d drowse a spell. - - For he reckoned, so he said. - - That he’d saw a while ’fore bed. - - --Warn’t no need of workin’ so, - - Boys was earnin’ well, ye know. - - But he couldn’t seem to quit. - - --At it stiddy, saw and split. - - Set that night there in his chair, - - --Got to dreamin’, and I swear, - - Snores they sounded near’s they could - Like a feller sawin’ wood. - - Last he gave a mighty “plock” - Same’s he’d strike a choppin’ block, - When he’d set his ax an’ say, - - “Wal, I guess that’s all to-day.” - Doctor got there quick’s he could, - - --Said he couldn’t do no good. - - Shock, ye know! It left things slim - When a man has worked like him. - - “Hav’ to rest, I guess, a while,” - - Posh said, with a crooked smile, - - --Shock had twisted round his face, - Alwus does in such a case. - - “Hav’ to rest, I reckin, for - Feel too tuckered out to saw.” - - Jest a little ’fore he died. - - Smiled agin and kind of sighed, - - “Guess it’s all that’s left,” said he, - - “Reckin’ I’ll go climb a tree.” - - -THE SUN-BROWNED DADS OF MAINE - - Here’s ho for the masterful men o’ Maine, - - --Grit and gumption, brawn and brain! - - South they go and West they flow, - - The men that do and the men that know. - - And Fame and Honor, Power and Gain - Come to the call of the men o’ Maine. - - But away up back on the rock-piled farms - Are the gnarled old dads with corded arms, - The dads that give these boys o’ Maine - Health and strength and grit and brain. - - Now the masterful men who have gone their - ways - - Need none of my humble words of praise. - - So, here’s best I have for the dads, the ones - Who have slaved and saved to raise those sons. - Here’s hail and again for the Maine-bred lads, - Then a triple hail for the dear old Dads. - - They are bowed and bent and wrinkled, and - their hands are browned and knurled - They would never pass as heroes in the busy, - careless world, - - For they bear no sword or ribbon, and they - show no victor’s spoil, - - Only such as they have wrested from the weeds - and rocky soil. - - They have wrung reluctant dollars from the - land, and all their gain - - Has been spent to nurture manhood in the - rugged State of Maine. - - And they need no decorations, only loving - thanks from those - - Who built upon the sacrifice that bought their - books and clothes. - - I bring some homely laurel for those wrinkled, - sunburned brows - - Of men whose hands are blistered by the - scythe-snaths and the plows, - - --For men who wrestle Nature with their bare - and corded arms - - In an everlasting struggle with these grudging - old Maine farms, - - Who lay their lives and hopes and joys’neath - labor’s bitter rule - - To coax from sullen Earth the price that keeps - their boys in school. - - In manhood of America--’mongst brawn and - pluck and brain, - - Set high these humble heroes of the upland - farms of Maine! - - And with the cheers you lavish on the men - behind the guns - - Crowd in one honest, sincere shout for those - behind the sons. - - They labor here in stern old Maine and every - cent is ground - - From out the earth by pluck and plod. In - youth they never found - - That open sesame to wealth the cultured mind - employs, - - Such as to-day their humble toil bestows upon - their boys. - - Those crosses signed by toil-cramped hands in - probate courts in Maine - - The wavering quirks and curliques no mortal - can explain, - - Those speak with pathos all their own of days - of long ago - - When “bound-out” children trudged to school - through miles of drifted snow; - - When scattered weeks of schoolin’ in the win- - ter time were doled - - To hungry little youngsters, ill-clad and numb - with cold. - - Now you’ll find them, grown to manhood, - proud and eager to dilate - - On the brightness of the children they have - paid to educate. - - They have patiently worn patches that their - boys may wear good clothes; - - As they’ve struggled on their acres only God, - the Father, knows - - All the makeshifts and privations of these - rocky old Maine farms - - Where the boys walk straight to comfort over - toiling dads and marms. - - Yet those bent and weary parents ask no - praises from the world, - - Their comfort is to push a son as high as their - old, knurled, - - And aching muscles can reach up; and, when - they pass away, - - To know that he will never work one half as - hard as they. - - Such is the stuff our heroes are, and when you - cheer the guns - - And those behind them, reckon in the men be- - hind the sons. - - The zeal and valor of the land in battle’s crash - and blaze - - And deeds of heroes seeking fame must win - due meed of praise, - - And yet above them all I set the humble sacri- - fice - - Of toiling men who cent by cent amass the - hard-won price - - That buys the Future for a boy, bestows the - magic “Can,” - - Lays Power in his eager grasp and sends him - forth A Man. - - So, unto these bowed, weary men with earth- - stained, calloused palms, - - Who daily tread the up-turned soil on rough - and rocky farms, - - Who pile their hoard of dollars up, by sturdy - labor won, - - Who pour those dollars freely out to educate - a son, - - To all of these who seek no crown I bring my - wreath of bay - - And set it on their sun-tanned brows and on - their locks of gray, ‘ - - And when their dreary, long campaign, their - bitter toil is done, - - God grant that each may live again, new-born - in honored son. - - Then three times three, I say again, for - Maine’s true heroes now, - - Whose hands are blistered, gnarled, and worn - by scythe-snath and the plow, - - Who vow themselves to poverty, accept its - bitter rule - - To coax from sullen Earth the price that keeps - their sons in school. - - Cheer if you will for those who kill--the men - behind the guns, - - But cheer again for those who build--the men - behind the sons. - - -“HEAVENLY CROWN” RICH - - Elias Rich would kneel at night by the wooden - kitchen chair, - - He would clutch the rungs and bow his head - and pray his bed-time prayer. - - And his prayer was ever the same old plea, - repeated for two-score years: - - “Oh, Lord Most High, please hear my cry - from this vale of sin and tears. - - I hain’t no ’count and I hain’t done much that’s - worthy in Thy sight, - - But I’ve done the best that I could, dear Lord, - accordin’ to my light. - - I’ve done as much for my feller man as really, - Lord, I could, - - Consid’rin’ my pay is a dollar a day and I’ve - earnt it choppin’ wood. - - I’ve never hankered no great on earth for - more’n my food and roof, - - And all of the meat that I’ve had to eat was - cut near horn or hoof; - - But I thank Thee, Lord, that I’ve earnt my - way and I hain’t got ‘on the town,’ - - And when I die I know that I shall sartin wear - a crown.” - - Whenever he mumbled his simple prayer in - the kitchen by his chair, - - Aunt Rich would rattle the supper pans and - sniff with a scornful air. - - She’d never “professed,” as the saying is, she - never had felt a “call,” - - And she constantly prodded Elias with, - “’Tain’t prayer that counts, it’s sprawl.” - There are some who are born for the pats of - Life and some for the cuffs and whacks, - Elias fought the wolf of want as best he might - with his axe; - - He even aided with scanty store some desolate - Tom or Jim, - - But at last when his poor old arms gave out no - hands were reached to him. - - Folks said that a man who was paralyzed re- - quired some special care, - - And allowed that the poor farm was the place; - - so they carried the old folks there. - - ’Twas a heavy cross for Elias’ wife but Elias - ne’er complained, - - To all of her frettings he made reply: “When - our Heavenly Home is gained, - - ’Twill be the sweeter for troubles here and - though we’re on the town, - - God keeps up There our mansion fair and He - has our golden crown.” - - They were dreary years that Elias lived, one - half of his body dead, - - He sat in his cold, bare, town-farm room and - patiently spelled and read - - The promise his old black Bible gave, and then - he’d lift his eyes - - And look right up through the dingy walls to - his mansion in the skies. - - They mockingly called him “Heavenly - Crown” when he talked of his faith, but he - - Smiled sweetly ever and meekly said, “I know - what I can see!” - - When he died at last and the parson preached - above the stained, pine box, - - He said, “Perhaps this simple faith was a bit - too orthodox; - - Perhaps allowance should be made for the - metaphors divine - - And yet, my friends, I’ll not presume to make - such province mine. - - Though in that Book the highest thought can - find transcendent food, - - ’Tis primer, too, for the poor and plain, the - unlearned and the rude. - - And so I say no man to-day should seek to tear - it down, - - Nor flout the homely, honest soul that claims - its golden crown.” - - Friends placed above Elias’ grave a plain, - white marble stone, - - And months went by. Then all at once ’twas - seen that there had grown - - Upon the polished marble slab a shading that, - ’twas said, - - Took on a shape extremely like Elias’ shaggy- - head. - - Then soon above the shadowy brows a crown - was slowly limned, - - And though Aunt Rich scrubbed zealously the - thing could not be dimmed. - - She always scoffed Elias’ faith without rebuke - through life - - But now, the neighbors all averred, Elias - braved his wife. - - For though with brush and soap and sand she - scrubbed and rubbed by day, - - The figure seemed to grow each night and - those there are who say . - - That many a time when the moon was dim a - wraith with ghostly skill - - Wrought there with spectral brush and limned - that picture deeper still. - - And there it is unto this day and strangers - passing by - - Turn in and stand above the mound to gaze - with awe-struck eye, - - And wonder if Elias came from Heaven steal- - ing down - - To mutely say in this quaint way that now he - wears his crown. - - -OLD “FIGGER-FOUR” - - He played when summer sunsets glowed and - twilight deepened down, - - His shrilling flute throbbed out and out in the - ears of the little town; - - When the chores were done and his cattle fed - and the old horse munched his oats, - - He took his flute to his racked old porch and - chirped his wavering notes. - - And far and wide on the evening breeze from - the old house on the hill, - - Went trinkling off the thin, long strains, like - the cry of the whip-poor-will. - - And the women paused with the supper things - and harkened at the door, - - And to the questioning stranger said, “Why, - that’s old Figger-Four.” - - He bobbed to his work in his little field and - tidied his lonesome home; - - He’d the light of peace in his quiet face, though - his shape was that of a gnome. - - One knee was angled, hooked and stiff, the - mark of a fever sore, - - And the saucy wits of the countryside had - dubbed him “Figger-Four.” - - Yet those who knew him never thought of the - twist in the poor, bent limb, - - And only strangers had a smile for the name - bestowed on him. - - For if ever a man was a neighbor true, that - man, my friend, was he, - - And the name he bore of “Figger-Four” was - our symbol of constancy. - - ’Twas he who came to the stricken homes and - closed the dead men’s eyes; - - ’Twas he who watched by the poor men’s biers - with a care no money buys; - - ’Twas he who sat by the fretful sick, and ne’er - could rash complaint - - Disturb the placid soul and smile of the gnarled - old village saint. - - And all came straight from out his heart, for - when one spoke of pay, - - He simply smiled a wistful smile and said: - “That ain’t my way.” - - A glistening eye was prized by him above a - golden store; - - An. earnest clasp of neighbor’s hand paid every - debt and more. - - And when there was no call for him from Tom, - or Dick or Jim, - - He took his lip-stained flute and played a good - old gospel hymn. - - So, when the placid, sunset skies were banked - above the town, - - To every home and every ear those notes came - softly down. - - And truly, friend, it used to seem the good old - man would play, - - As if, for lack of else to do, to pipe our cares - away. - - And tongues were hushed and heads were bent, - and angry home dispute - - Gave way to silence, then to smiles, when - “Figger-Four’s” old flute - - Sent down its long-drawn, mild reproach from - off the little hill-- - - Expostulation in its notes, a pleading in its - thrill. - - And somehow, though the hearts were hot and - tongues were stirring fray, - - Those dripping tones came down like balm and - cooled the wrath away. - - He’d lived his lesson in our gaze; he was not - one who talked; - - His life was straight, although, alas, he bobbed - so when he walked! - - And though we’ve lost our richest men, we - mourn far more, far more, - - The man we loved and who loved us, poor bent - old “Figger-Four.” - - -PHEBE AND ICHABOD - - Allus was rowin’ it, early and late, - - --Niff against this one an’ niff against that! - - With a voice like a whistle, too big for her - weight, - - That was the make-up of Aunt Phebe Pratt. - - She’d give it to Ichabod, hot-pitch-and-tar, - - Yappin’ as soon as he came to the house; - - Allus was hankerin’ after a jar, - - Allus was ready to kick up a touse. - - But Ichabod he was as calm as a lamb, - - Never talked back to her, no, s’r, not he-- - Reckin that some men would rip out a damn. - But he was the mildest that ever ye see. - - He’d set an’ he’d whistle an’ whistle away, - Waitin’ all patient ontil she got through; - - She’d scream, “Drat ye, answer!” but Ick - he would say, - - “Mother, ye’re talkin’ a plenty for two. - Who-o-o, who-o-o, - - Who-o-o, who-o-o! - - Nothin’ to say, mother! List’nun to you.” - - Phebe is dead an’ has gone to her rest; - Ichabod lives in the house all alone; - - --Ick isn’t lonesome because, so ’tis guessed. - He still hears the echoes of Aunt Phebe’s tone. - ’Tis reckoned his ears were so used to the clack, - He somehow er’ ruther still thinks she is there; - Kind of imagines that Phebe is back, - - An’ still is a-goin’ it, whoopity-tear! - - Or p’raps she has ’ranged it by long-distance - line, - - From her latest location, Above or Below, - - To keep up her reg’lar old yappin’ an’ whine, - For fear the old man will at last have a show. - - For he sets there an’ whistles an’ whistles - away, - - Whenever there’s nothin’ in ’special to do; - An’ once in a while he’ll look up an’ he’ll say, - “Mother, ye’re talkin’ a plenty for two. - Who-o-o, who-o-o, - - Who-o-o, who-o-o! - - Nothin’ to say, mother! List’nun to you.” - - -WHEN OUR HERO COMES TO MAINE - - Though the banners greet his coming when our - hero journeys home, - - Though the city, wreathed in colors, bears his - name on flag-wrapt dome; - - Does he come for speech and music? Does he - come for gay parade, - - And to see a moving pageant in its festal hues - arrayed? - - No, a gray and rain-washed farmhouse, hid - beside a country lane - - Is the goal of all his hurry, when our hero - comes to Maine. - - And past spectacle and pageant, bannered street - and brave array - - He is rushing, soul on fire, toward a dearer - scene than they; - - And the hand that gives him welcome may be - calloused, may be brown, - - But the fervor of its greeting can’t be matched - back there in town. - - ’Tis a plain old dad in drillin’ who will clasp - his hand; and then - - He will shout, “Lord, ain’t we tickled! God - bless ye, how’ve ye be’n? - - Why, massy me, ye rascal, how like fury ye - have growed! - - If I’d met ye in the village, swan, I wouldn’t - scursely knowed, - - Your face behind them whiskers; ’fore ye know - it boys are men! - - Hey, mother, here’s your youngster! Land - o’ Goshen, how’ve ye be’n?” - - And if, you home returning son, - - Some tithe of honor you have won, - Sweeter than telling the world of men - Is telling the old folks “how you’ve be’n.” - - Though of wealth and brains and beauty, festal - Maine has summoned all - - And the banquet gleams in splendor in the - city’s spacious hall, - - Does he envy them the viands spread beneath - their flag-wrapt dome? - - No, never, as he sits there at the old folks’ - board back home. - - There are all the dear old good things made - by mother’s loving hands, - - --Such things, so he discovers, only mother - understands; - - There’s the old and treasured china, figured - blue with gilded rim, - - Saved to honor great occasions--now the - whole is spread for him, - - And the mother’s eyes are wistful; she’s as- - sailed by constant doubt - - Lest, spite of all his fearful raids, he somehow - “won’t make out.” - - But, though the wanderer strives to eat, his - heart keeps coming up, - - And tears roll out of brimming eyes he lowers - o’er his cup, - - And in the throat there swells a lump, not - grief,--and yet akin-- - - To see the old folks bowed so low, so snowy- - haired and thin. - - And yet their happy faces glow, until they’re - young again, - - And dad lights up his old crook pipe and says, - “Now how’ve ye be’n? - - Set down and tell us how ye’ve fared and tell - us how ye’ve done, - - You’ve sent us letters right along, but them - don’t talk it, son. - - A minit with ye, face to face, beats hours with - a pen; - - God bless ye, bub! Ye’re welcome back! Now - tell us how’ve ye be’n?” - - Ah, happy he who brings success - Back here to Maine to cheer and bless - The folks who ask in tenderness, - - --Taking you into their arms again, - - “God bless ye, dearie, how’ve ye be’n?” - - -UNCLE TASCUS AND THE DEED - - Uncle Peter Tascus Runnels has been feeble - some of late; - - He has allus been a worker and he sartinly did - hate - - To confess he couldn’t tussle with the spryest - any more, - - --That he wasn’t fit for nothin’ but to fub - around an’ chore. - - When he climbed the stable scaffold t’other day - he had a spell, - - --Kind o’ heart-disease or somethin’--an’ I - heard he like to fell. - - Guess the prospect sort o’ scared him; so, that - ev’nin’ after tea, - - --After he had smoked a pipeful--pretty sol- - emn, then says he, - - “Reckin, son, ye’ve noticed lately that your - dad is gittin’ old, - - An’ your marm is nigh as feeble;--much as - ever she can scold!” - - Uncle Tascus said so grinnin’; for the folks - around here know - - That no better-natured woman ever lived than - old Aunt Jo. - - “Now, my son,” said Uncle Tascus, “you’ve - been good to me an’ marm, - - An’ you know we allus told ye, ye was sure to - have the farm. - - An’ we like your wife Lucindy; there has - never been no touse - - As is generly apt to happen with two famblys in - the house. - - I can’t manage as I used to; mother’s gittin’ - pretty slim, - - An’ to hold our prop’ty longer is a whim, bub, - jest a whim! - - So I’ll tell ye what I’m plannin’, an’ I know - that marm agrees, - - We’ll sign off an’ make it over; then we’ll sort - o’ take our ease. - - So, hitch up to-morrer mornin’--drive us down - to Lawyer True, - - Me an’ marm will sign the papers, an’ we’ll - deed the place to you.” - - Lawyer True looked kind o’ doubtful when - they told him what was on. - - “I’ll admit,” said he, “that no one’s got a - better boy than John. - - Now don’t think I’m interferin’ or am prophe- - syin’ harm, - - When I warn ye not to do it; don’t ye deed - away your farm. - - I have seen so many cases--heard ’em tried - most ev’ry term-- - - Where a deed has busted fam’lies, that, I swow, - it makes me squirm - - If I’m asked to write a transfer to a relative - or son. - - Tascus, please excuse my meddlin’, but--ye - hold it till ye’re done.” - - Uncle Tascus, though, insisted. He was allus - rather sot. - - He allowed he’d show the neighbors jest the - kind of son he’d got. - - --Said he’d show ’em how a Runnels allus - stuck by kith an’ kin, - - So the lawyer drew the papers--an’ they started - home agin, - - Uncle Tascus held the webbin’s--he has allus - driv’ the hoss-- - - John he chuckled kind o’ nervous. Then said - he, “Wal, pa, I’m boss! - - Now ye’ve never got to worry--I’m the one to - take the lead, - - Things were gettin’ kind o’ logy--guess I’ll - have to put on speed. - - An’ as now I head the fam’ly, an’ you’re sort - of on the shelf, - - Guess I’ll”--John he took the webbin’s-- - “guess I’d better drive, myself.” - - Wal, s’r, Uncle Tascus pondered, pondered, - pondered all that day. - - An’ that evenin’ still was pond’rin’, as he - rocked an’ smoked away. - - John he set dus’ up t’ table, underneath the - hangin’ lamp, - - Ciph’rin’ out that legal paper with its seal an’ - rev’nue stamp. - - Then he folded it an’ chuckled. “That’s all - right an’ tight,” he said, - - “Lawyers tie things tighter’n Jehu. Dad, ye’d - better go to bed. - - You an’ marm are gettin’ feeble; mustn’t have - ye up so late! - - I’m the boss--” John sort o’ te-heed, “so I’ll - have to keep ye straight. -‘Sides, I’ll need ye bright an’ early. In the - mornin’ hitch the mare, - - Take that paper down t’ court-house. Have it - put on record there.” - - Uncle Tascus took the writin’, pulled his specs - down on his nose, - - Read it over very careful. Then says he, “My - son, I s’pose - - You are jest as good’s they make ’em; I hain’t - got no fault to find, - - You are thrifty, smart an’ stiddy; rather bluff, - but allus kind, - - An’ I guess you’d prob’ly use us jest as well’s - ye really knew, - - But I hain’t so awful sartin that I’m done an’ - out an’ through! - - --Tell ye, son, I’ve been a-thinkin’ since ye - took an’ driv’ that hoss, - - --Since ye sort o’ throwed your shoulders an’ - allowed that you was boss! - - Hate to act so whiffle-minded, but my father - used to say, - - ‘Men would sometimes change opinions; mules - would stick the same old way.’” - - Uncle Tascus tore the paper twice acrost, then - calmly threw - - On the fire the shriv’lin’ pieces. Poof! They - vanished up the flue. - - “There, bub, run to bed,” said Tascus, with - his sweet, old-fashioned smile. - - “These old hands are sort of shaky, but I guess - I’ll drive a while.” - - -SONGS OF THE SEA AND SHORE - - -TALE OF A SHAG-EYED SHARK - - The mackerel bit as they crowded an’ fit to - grab at our ganglin’ bait, - - We were flappin’ ’em in till the ’midship bin - held dus’ on a thousand weight; - - When all of a sudden they shet right down an’ - never a one would bite, - - An’ the Old Man swore an’ he r’ared an’ tore - till the mains’l nigh turned white, - - He’d pass as the heftiest swearin’ man that - ever I heard at sea, - - An’ that is allowin’ a powerful lot, as sartinly - you will agree. - - Whenever he cursed his arm shot up an’ his - fingers they wiggled about, - - Till they seemed to us like a windmill’s fans - a-pumpin’ the cuss-words out. - - He swore that day by the fodder hay of the - Great Jeehookibus whale, - - By the Big Skedunk, an’ he bit a hunk from - the edge of an iron pail, - - For he knowed the reason the fish had dodged, - an’ he swore us stiff an’ stark - - As he durned the eyes an’ liver an’ lights of a - shag-eyed, skulkin’ shark. - - Then we baited a line all good an’ fine an’ slung - ’er over the side, - - An’ the shark took holt with a dretful jolt, an’ - he yanked an’ chanked an’ tried - To jerk it out, but we held him stout so he - couldn’t duck nor swim, - - An’ we h’isted him over--that old sea-rover-- - we’d business there with him. - - A-yoopin’ for air he laid on deck, an’ the skip- - per he says, says he: - - “You’re the wust, dog-gondest, mis’able hog - that swims the whole durn sea. - - ’Mongst gents as is gents it’s a standin’ rule to - leave each gent his own-- - - If ye note as ye pass he’s havin’ a cinch, stand - off an’ leave him alone. - - But you’ve slobbered along where you don’t - belong, an’ you’ve gone an’ spiled the thing, - An’ now, by the pink-tailed Wah-hoo-fish, - you’ll take your dose, by jing!” - - So, actin’ by orders, the cook fetched up our - biggest knife on board, - - An’ he ripped that shark in his ’midship bulge; - then the Old Man he explored. - - An’ after a while, with a nasty smile, he giv’ a - yank an’ twist, - - “Hurroo!” yells he, an’ then we see the liver - clinched in his fist. - - Still actin’ by orders, the cook fetched out his - needle an’ biggest twine-- - - With a herrin’-bone stitch sewed up that shark, - all right an’ tight an’ fine. - - We throwed him back with a mighty smack, - an’ the look as he swum away - - Was the most reproachfulest kind of a look - I’ve seen for many a day. - - An’ the liver was throwed in the scuttle-butt, - to keep it all fresh an’ cool, - - Then we up with our sheet an’ off we beat, - a-chasin’ that mackerel school. - - We sailed all day in a criss-cross way, but the - school it skipped an’ skived, - - It dodged an’ ducked, an’ backed an’ bucked, - an’ scooted an’ swum an’ dived. - - An’ we couldn’t catch ’em, the best we’d do-- - an’ oh, how the Old Man swore! - - He went an’ he gargled his throat in ile, ’twas - peeled so raw an’ sore. - - But at last, ’way off at the edge of the sea, we - suddenly chanced to spy - - A tall back-fin come fannin’ in, ag’inst the sun- - set sky. - - An’ the sea ahead of it shivered an’ gleamed - with a shiftin’ an’ silvery hue, - - With here a splash an’ there a dash, an’ a rip- - ple shootin’ through. - - An’ the Old Man jumped six feet from deck; - he hollered an’ says, says he: - - “Here comes the biggest mackerel school since - the Lord set off the sea! - - An’ right behind, if I hain’t blind, by the prong- - jawed dog-fish’s bark, - - Is a finnin’ that mis’able hog of the sea, that - liverless, shag-eyed shark!” - - But we out with our bait an’ down with our - hooks, an’ we fished an’ fished an’ fished, - - While ’round in a circle, a-cuttin’ the sea, that - back-fin whished an’ slished; - - An’ we noticed at last he was herdin’ the school - an’ drivin’ ’em on our bait, - - An’ they bit an’ they bit an’ we pulled ’em in at - a reg’lar wholesale rate. - - We pulled ’em in till the S’airey Ann was wal- - lerin’ with her load, - - An’ we stopped at last’cause there wa’n’t no - room for the mackerel to be stowed. - - Then up came a-finnin’ that liverless shark, an’ - he showed his stitched-up side, - - An’ the look in his eyes was such a look that - the Old Man fairly cried. - - We rigged a tackle an’ lowered a noose an’ - the shark stuck up his neck, - - Then long an’ slow, with a heave yo-ho, we - h’isted him up on deck. - - The skipper he blubbered an’ grabbed a fin an’ - gave it a hearty shake; - - Says he, “Old man, don’t lay it up an’ we’ll - have a drop to take.” - - An’, actin’ by orders, the cook fetched up our - kag of good old rum; - - The shark he had his drink poured first, an’ all - of us then took some. - - Still actin’ by orders, the cook he took an’ he - picked them stitches out, - - An’ we all turned to, an’ we lent a hand; - - though of course we had some doubt - As to how he’d worn it an’ how’twas hitched, - an’ whuther’twas tight or slack, - - But as best we could--as we understood--we - put that liver back. - - Then we sewed him up, an’ we shook his fin - an’ we giv’ him another drink, - - We h’isted him over the rail ag’in an’ he giv’ - us a partin’ wink. - - Then he swum away, an’ I dast to say, although - he was rather sore, - - He felt that he’d started the trouble first, an’ - we’d done our best an’ more. - - ’Cause a dozen times’fore the season closed - an’ the mackerel skipped to sea, - - He herded a school an’ drove ’em in, as gen- - tlemanlike as could be. - - We’d toss him a drink, an’ he’d tip a wink, as - sociable as ye please, - - No kinder nor better-mannered shark has ever - swum the seas. - - Now, the moral is, if you cut a friend before - that you know he’s friend, - - An’ after he’s shown it, ye do your best his - feelin’s to nicely mend, - - He’ll meet ye square, an’ he’ll call you quits, - providin’ he’s got a spark - Of proper feelin’--at least our crew can vouch - this for a shark. - - -THE GREAT JEEHOOKIBUS WHALE - - May health and heartiness never fail - - My friend the Whale--my friend the Whale! - - There are days when the dog-fish are gnawin’ - the bait, - - And the mud-eels are saggin’ the trawl; - - When the brim and the monk-fish and pucker- - mouthed skate - - Are the yield from a three-mile haul; - - --When the dory-bow ducks with the weight - that it lugs - - Of the riffraff and sculch of the sea, - - And sculpins come gogglin’ with wide-open - mugs, - - And grinnin’ jocosely at me. - - It’s h’ist and lug, and pull and tug-- - - Bow-pulley chuckerin’--chugity-chug! - - And all that ye’re gittin’ won’t pay for the - weight - - Of powder to blow ’em to Beelzebub’s - strait. - - Then’s the chance to be grum if ye’re taken - that style - - And are sort of inclined to the blues; - - When luck is ag’in ye’tis whimper or smile, - Whichever’s your notion to choose. - - Now I--I am sort of inclined to the grins, - - So, after a loaf on the rail, - - I whistle him up, my old friend of the fins-- - The jolly Jeehookibus Whale! - - --The great Jeehookibus, fan-fluke whale, - A genial chap with a swivel tail; - - Ready for larks and primed for pranks, - - --His jokes are the life of the whole - Grand Banks. - - I’ve knowed him sence summer of’Seventy- - four, - - When I “chanced” on a hand-liner trip; - - I was out in my dory one day and I wore - Oiled petticuts strapped to my hip. - - I was thinkin’ and smokin’ and fishin’ away, - As quiet as quiet could be, - - When all of a whew there was dickens to pay - In the neighborhood handy to me. - - With a whoosh like a rocket I shot in the air, - And it seemed like’twas blowin’ a gale; - - As I h’isted sky-hootin’ I looked, sor, and there - Was the jolly Jeehookibus Whale. - - The great Jeehookibus, fan-fluke whale - Was under me, swishin’ his swivel tail. - - He stood on his head with his tail stuck - up, - - And the game he was playin’ was ball-and- - cup. - - I dropped, but he caught me and filliped me - quick - - And juggled me neat as could be; - - ’Twas as pretty and clever a sleight-of-tail - trick - - As ever ye saw on the sea. - - At first I was skittish, as you can see why, - When I found myself up there on air, - - But as soon as I noticed the quirk in his eye - I was over my bit of a scare. - - ’Twas a humorous look he was throwin’ to me - As there I continnered to sail, - - While under me, finnin’ and grinnin’ in glee, - Was the jolly Jeehookibus Whale. - - The great Jeehookibus, fan-fluke whale - - He fanned and fanned with his big, broad - tail, - - Till my petticuts filled and I floated there, - - Like a thistle-balloon on the summer air. - - ’Twas the slickest performance, our doryman - swore, - - That ever was seen on the Banks; - - He lowered me back in my dory once more - And I giv’ him my heartiest thanks. - - And I reckon he liked me and thought I was - game, - - Because I wa’n’t yowlin’ in fear; - - For over and over he’s done jest the same, - This many and many a year. - - When dog-fish are gnawin’ and other men - swear - - As they jerk at the sculch-loaded trawl, - - I know I have some one to cuff away care, - - If only I whistle a call. - - Then up from his bed on the dulses he spins, - And I boost myself over the rail - For a sail on the tail of my friend of the fins-- - The jolly Jeehookibus Whale. - - --The great Jeehookibus, fan-fluke whale, - A jovial chap with a swivel tail; - - Ready for larks and primed for pranks, - He drives away blues from the whole - Grand Banks. - - May health and heartiness never fail - My friend the Whale--my friend the Whale! - - -“AS BESEEMETH MEN” - - We heard her a mile to west’ard--the liner that - cut us through-- - - As crushing the fog at a twenty-jog she drove - with her double screw. - - We heard her a mile to west’ard as she bel- - lowed to clear her path, - - The grum, grim grunt of her whistle, a levia- - than’s growl of wrath. - - We could tell she was aimed to smash us, so - we clashed at our little bell, - - But the sound was shredded by screaming wind - and we simply rung our knell. - - And the feeble breath, that screamed at Death - through our horn, was beaten back, - - And we knew that doom rode up the sea to- - ward the shell of our tossing smack. - - Then out of the fog she thundered, the liner, - smashing to east; - - Her green and her red glared overhead and her - bows were spouting yeast. - - The eyes of her reddened hawse-holes, her - dripping and towering flanks, - - Flashed with no gleam of mercy for her quarry - on the Banks. - - She scornfully spurned us under, the while her - whistle brayed, - - Nor heeded the crash of our little craft nor the - feeble chirp we made; - - And as down we swept, her folk that slept-- - they slumbered serenely still, - - And even the lookout on the bridge scarce felt - the thud and thrill. - - But they jangled her bells and halted; and the - sullen sea they swept - - With the goggling gleam of the searchlight’s - beam. A dozen of us had crept - - On the mass of the tangled wreckage she con- - temptuously had tossed - - A mile astern in the chop and churn. The - others were drowned--were lost! - - There was never a whine nor whimper, only - some muttered groans, - - As the ocean buffeted martyrs who clung there - with shattered bones, - - And those whose grip was broken as the surge - reeled creaming high, - - Went out from the ken of the searchlight with - a hoarse but brave “Good-by.” - - In the great white light no sign of fright stole - wrinkling o’er a face, - - For the men of the Banks know How to die - when Davy trumps their ace. - - And better than simply dying--they can cheer- - fully, bravely give - - Life, heart, and head in a comrade’s stead if - they deem that he ought to live. - - For there in the searchlight’s glory, the night - that they cut us down, - - Old Injun Joe gave up his cask that another - might not drown. - - Old Joe was a lone world-rover, the other had - babes on land; - - No word was said, but Joe went down with a - wave of his dripping hand. - - And ere the lifeboats reached us and gathered - our scattered few, - - We saw that night what so long we’d known, - that a Glo’ster fishing crew, - - Rude and rough and grimed and gruff, had - calmly shown again - - That on sea or sod they can meet their God in - the way that beseemeth men! - - Then over her sullen bulwarks, as she stamped - and chafed and rolled, - - From the night and wreck to her dazzling deck - climbed we--and our tale was told. - - And the dainty folk from her staterooms lis- - tened and gazed and said, - - As they tiptoed across our dripping trail, - “How awful!”--then went to bed. - - And our half-score left, of all bereft--com- - rades and gear and smack-- - - Sat hoping our wreck would tell no tales till - our scattered few came back. - - And haughtily unrepentant, the liner, insolent - still, - - Through foam and spume and fog and gloom - drove on to wreak her will. - - Were only her zeal less eager, her lust for her - prey less keen, - - She must have sensed that horrid chill that - shuddered from One Unseen. - - But onward she plunged unheeding that there - in the vast, black sea, - - As grim as Fate there lay in wait One mightier - than she. - - A ghost in white before her--the fog its som- - bre pall-- - - And she crushed herself like dead-ripe fruit - against the iceberg’s wall. - - Then up from her perfumed cabins came pour- - ing the rich and proud, - - And I--poor Glo’ster fisher--I blushed for - that maddened crowd. - - There were men in silken night-gear who - fought frail women back, - - There were pampered fools who, fierce as - ghouls, left murder in their track; - - There were shrieking men whose jeweled - hands dragged children from a boat - - And rode away in the babies’ stead when the - life-craft went afloat. - - ’Tis not for boast that I tell the rest: we’re - not of the boasting kind-- - - We folks that sail from Glo’ster town; but you - know you’ll sometimes find - - A man who sneers at a tattered coat or a sun- - burned fist or face, - - And believes that only blood or purse can - honor the human race. - - Forlorn and few, our battered crew had stared - at Death that night; - - Perhaps we’d known him so long and well his - mien did not affright. - - Perhaps we hide here in our hearts, below the - rags and tan, - - The honest stuff, unplaned and rough, that - really makes the man. - - For we bared our arms and we stormed the - press--of safety took no care; - - We dragged those wretches from the boats-- - then placed the women there. - - No time had we for the courtly “Please!” If - a poltroon answered “No,” - - We gave him the thing that a man reserves for - the coward’s case--a blow. - - It isn’t a boast, I say again; but we stayed till - all had passed, - - Then the ragged coats of those Glo’ster men - went over her lee rail last. - - And three of the few of our scattered crew, - who had twice dared Fate that night, - - Went down in the rush of the whirlpool’s tow - when the liner swooped from sight. - - We ask no praise, we seek no heights above - our chosen place, - - But the men of the Banks know how to die - when Davy trumps their ace. - - And if need arise for a sacrifice we’ve shown, - and we’ll show again, - - That on sea or sod we can meet our God in - the way that beseemeth men. - - -THE NIGHT OF THE WHITE REVIEW - - The mandate that summons them nobody - knows, - - Nor whose is the mystical word - - That bids the vast breast of the ocean unclose, - When the depths are so eerily stirred. - - There are omens of ocean and portents of sky - That the eyes of the banksman may read; - The wind tells its menace by moan or a sigh - To any one giving it heed. - - Yet, fathom the whorl of a cloud though he - may-- - - Interpret the purr of the sea-- - - No weatherwise fisherman truly may say - When the Drift of the Drowned shall be. - - _This alone we know: - - Ere days of the autumn blow, - - Up from the swaying ocean deeps appears the - grisly show. - - And woe to the fated crew - Who behold it passing through-- - - Who gaze on the ghosts of the Gloucester fleets - on the Night of the White Review._ - - Whence issue these fleets for their grim ren- - dewous - - And their hideous cruise, who may know? - Yet they traverse the Banks ere the winter - storms brew, - - Their pennon the banner of woe. - - We know that from Quero far west to the - Shoals.- - - The prodigal bottom is spread - - With bones and with timbers--“Went down - with all souls,” - - Tells the story of Gloucester’s dead. - - And up with those souls come those vessels - again - - On that mystical eve in the fall; - - Then out of the night to the terror of men - They sail with the fog for a pall. - - _And down the swimming deep, - - As the fishers lie asleep, - - These craft loom out of the great, black night, - and past the living sweep. - - And woe to that fated crew - - Who behold them passing through-- - - Who gaze on the ghosts of the Gloucester fleets - on the Night of the White Review_. - - Now here and now yonder some helmsman - sings hail - - As the awful procession stalks past, - - And the horrified crew tumbles up to the rail - To gaze on the marvel, aghast. - - And then through that night, when the fishers - ride near, - - There’s a hail and a husky halloo: - - “Did you see”--and the voice has a quiver of - fear-- - - “Did you see the White Banksmen sail - through?” - - There are those who may see them--and those - who may not, - - Though they peer to the depths of the night; - Ah, ye who behold them, alas for the lot - That grants you such ominous sight. - - _It augurs death and dole-- - - That the Gloucester bells will toll-- - Means another stone on Windmill Hill: “Went - down with every soul.” - - For it’s woe to that fated creva - Who behold them passing through-- - - Who gaze on the ghosts of the Gloucester -fleets - on the Night of the White Review._ - - ’Tis a mournful monition from those gone - before-- - - That phantom procession of Fate; - - But’tis only the craven that flees to the shore, - For the fisher must work and must wait-- - Must wait for the storm that shall carry him - down, - - Must work with his dory and trawl; - - There are women and babies in Gloucester town - Who are hungry. So God for us all 1 - - Though mystic and silent and pallid and weird - Those ominous Banksmen may roam, - Though Death trails above them, where’er they - are steered, - - We’ll work for the babies at home. - - _The Banks will claim their toll, - - And Fate makes up the roll - Of those with the humble epitaph: “Went - dozen with every soul.” - - And it’s woe to that fated crew - Who behold them passing through-- - Who gaze on the ghosts of the Gloucester fleets - on the Night of the White Review._ - - -THE BALLAD OF ORASMUS NUTE - - There once was a Quaker, Orasmus Nute, - With a physog as stiff as a cowhide boot, - - And he skippered a ship from Georgetown, Maine, - - In the’way-back days of the pirates’ reign. - And the story I tell it has to do - With Orasmus Nute and a black flag crew; - The tale of the upright course he went - In the face of a certain predicament. - - For Orasmus Nute was a godly man - - And he faithfully followed the Quaker plan - Of love for all and a peaceful life - And a horror of warfare and bloody strife. - While above the honors of seas and fleets - He prized his place on “the facing seats.” - - Ah, Orasmus Nute, - - Orasmus Nute, - - He never disgraced his plain drab suit. - - Now often he sailed for spice and teas - ’Way off some place through the Barbary seas; - And once for a venture his good ship bore - Some unhung grindstones, a score or more. - Now, never in all of his trips till then - Had he spoken those godless pirate men. - - But it chanced one day near a foreign shore - The sail of a strange craft toward him bore; - And as soon as the rig was clearly seen - The mate allowed’twas a black lateen. - - Now a black lateen, as all men knew, - - Was the badge of a bold, bad pirate crew. - - So the mate he crammed to its rusty neck - A grim “Long Tom” on the quarter deck, - Then leaned on its muzzle a bit to pray - And waited to hear what the skipper would say. - For Orasmus Nute, - - Orasmus Nute - - Had stepped below for to change his suit. - - He asked as he came on deck again, - - “Does thee really think those are pirate men?” - “Yea, verily,” answered the Quaker mate, - - “And they come at a most unseemly gait.” - Orasmus Nute looked over the rail - At the bulging sweep of the huge black sail; - Said he, “We are keeping our own straight - path, - - And I’m sorry to harm those men of wrath - Yet, brother, perchance we are justified - In letting Thomas rebuke their pride. - - We’ll simply give ’em a dash of fright. - - So be sure, my friend, thee have aimed just - right.” - - He squinted his eye along the rust, - - “Now shoot,” said he, “if thee thinks thee - must.” - - Ker-boomo! the old Long Thomas roared, - And the big lateen flopped overboard. - - And Orasmus Nute, - - Orasmus Nute, - - Seemed puzzled to find that he could shoot. - - “Now what are those sinful men about?” - - He asked, as he heard a hoarse, long shout. - And the Quaker mate he answered, “Lo! - They’ve out with their oars, and here they - row!” - - “Now, what in the name of William Penn,” - Cried Orasmus Nute, “can ail those men? - Perchance they are after our load of stones, - Will thee roll them up here, Brother Jones? - We’ll save them all of the work we can-- - - As a Quaker should for his fellow man.” - - So as soon as the fierce, black pirate drew - Up’longside, that Quaker crew - Rolled those grindstones down pell-mell, - - And every stone smashed through the shell - Of the pirate zebec, and down it went, - - And all of the rascals to doom were sent, - While Orasmus Nute leaned over the side, - - “No thanks, thee’rt welcome, my friends,” he - cried. - - It chanced one wretch from the sunken craft - Made a clutch at a rope that was trailing aft, - And up he was swarming with frantic hope, - When Orasmus cried, “Does thee want that - rope? ” - - So he cut it away with one swift hack - With a smile for the pirate as he dropped back. - And the Quaker skipper surveyed the sea - “God loveth the generous man,” quoth he. - Then Orasmus Nute, - - Orasmus Nute - - Went down and resumed his Quaker suit. - - -THE DORYMAN’S SONG - - _Dory here an’ Dora there, - - They keep a man a-guessin’; - - An’ here’s a prayer for a full-bin fare, - - --Then home for the parson’s blessin’!_ - - Ruddy an’ round as the skipper’s phiz, out of - the sea he rolls, - - --The fisherman’s sun, an’ the day’s begun for - the men on the Grand Bank shoals. - - With pipe alight an’ snack stowed tight under - a bulgin’ vest, - - I’ll over with dory an’ in with the trawls for - the wind is fair sou’ west. - - --The wind is fair sou’ west, - - The fish-slick stripes the crest - - Of every curlin’, swingin’ an’ swirlin’, billowin’ - ocean-guest, - - That sweeps to the wind’ard rail - - An’ under the bulgin’ sail - - Seems wavin’ its welcome with clots of foam - that are tossed by the roguish gale. - - _Dory here an’ Dora there, - - ‘Way over yon at Glo’stcr; - - Those clots of foam seem letters from - home - - To pledge I haven’t lost her._ - - Friskily kickin’, the dories dance, churnin’ the - foamin’ lee, - - With a duck an’ a dive an’ a skip an’ skive-- - the bronchos of the sea. - - Sheerin’ an’ veerin’ with painter a-flirt, like a - frolicsome filly’s tail, - - --Now a sweep on the heavin’ deep, close to - the saggin’ rail, - - --Close to the saggin’ rail, - - Jump! If you cringe or fail, - - You’re doin’ a turn in the wake astern in the - role of a grampus whale. - - As she poises herself to spring, - - --Nimble an’ mischievous thing, - - There’s only the flash of a second of time to - capture her on the wing. - - _Dory here an’ Dora there! - - Sure, they drive me frantic. - - For one she swims on the ocean of whims, - An’ one on the broad Atlantic._ - - Sowin’ the bait from the trawl-heaped tubs, I - pull at my old T. D. - - An’ I dream of a pearl of a Glo’ster girl, who’s - waitin’ at home for me; - - Statin’ she’s waitin’ is not to say she’s prom- - ised as yet her hand, - - For she’s wild as my dory--she keeps me in - worry;--they’re hard to understand. - - --They’re hard to understand, - - But I’ve got the question planned, - - Please God, I’ll know if it’s weal or woe as - soon as I get to land. - - For a man who can catch the swing, - - Of a dory--mischievous thing-- - - Has certainly grit to capture a chit of a maid - about to spring. - - _Dory here an’ Dora there! - - They keep a man a-guessin’, - - An’ here’s a prayer for a full-bin fare, - Then home for the parson’s blessin’._ -[Illustration: 0091] - - -WE FELLERS DIGGIN’ CLAMS - - Pluck, pluck, - - Pluck, pluck! - - Stubbin’ acrost the clam-flat muck! - - Ev’ry time I lift my huck, - - --Hearin’ the heel of my old boot suck, - - It seems to me that a word plops out, - - And I’ve listened so often there ain’t no - doubt - - It’s pluck, pluck, pluck. - - And pluck and the job they jest agree - --Dig clams, my lad, for a while and see! - - It’s a stiddy kind of bus’ness an’ it ain’t for - shiny boots, - - But still--ye know,’tain’t bad! - - It ain’t an occurpation for the millionaire ga- - loots, - - But’tain’t so mighty wuss, my lad. - - It’s a stiddy kind of bus’ness where there ain’t - no room for doubt - - As to what’ull be the profit and where ye’re - cornin’ out. - - For there ain’t no books and ledgers, and no - botherin’ with deals, - - No dodgin’ law and lawyers and no stock con- - trivin’ steals. - - Simply take a leaky dory and a basket and a - hoe, - - And you’re fixed for doin’ bus’ness--ev’ry fel- - ler has a show. - - When the old Atlantic ocean pulls away his - swashin’ tide - - Why, the bank is there ‘before you and the - doors are opened wide; - - The flats are there etarnal and you never find - the sign - - Sayin’, “Bank has shet up business--pres’- - dent’s skipped acrost the line.” - - Shuck away yer co’t and weskit, grab the clam- - hoe’s muddy haft, - - And endorsed by grit and muscle you’ll get - cash on ev’ry draft. - - For yer check-book’s there, the clam flat; and - yer pen, sir, is the hoe, - - And accounts are balanced daily by the ocean’s - ebb and flow. - - Then the climbin’, crawlin’ water rubs the dig- - gin’ marks away, - - And the clams are jest as plenty when you - come another day. - - And the sleep that follers labor kind of smooths’- - us, as the tide - - Smooths the nickin’s on the clam-flats where - our busy hoes have pried. - - So the nights are nights of comfort and I - mostly can forget - - That the days are days of diggin’,--cold and - muddy, lame and wet. - - For Fd rather have a backache than a rattled, - burnin’ brain, - - And I guess I’m fair contented with the clam - flats here in Maine. - - For I’m thinkin’ worried critters in the rushin’, - pushin’ jams - - Likely’nough ain’t nigh so happy as we fellers - diggin’ clams. - - -DAN’L AND DUNK - - Dan’l and Dunk and the yaller dog were the - owners and crew of the Pollywog, - - A hand-line smack that cuffed the seas’twixt - ’Tinicus Head and Point Quahaug. - - Dunk owned half and Dan owned half, and the - yaller dog was also joint, - - They fished and ate and swapped their bait and - always agreed on every point. - - --Dunk to Dan and Dan to Dunk,-- - Whenever he chawed would pass the - hunk; - - Never a “hitch” more friendly than - That of the dog and Dunk and Dan. - - They labored steady and labored square, fairly - dividing every fare, - - And never could anything break their bonds, - each to the other would often swear. - - But alas, one day in a joking way they fell on - the topic of years and age, - - And tackled the subject of boughten teeth, and - spirited argument they did wage. - - For Dan insisted that sets of teeth were glued - to the sides of the wearers’ jaws, - - --Never had seen ’em, he frankly owned, but - he knew ’twas so, “wal, jest because.” - While Dunk, with notions fully as firm, clawed - at his frosty whisker fringe, - - And allowed that he knew that sets of teeth - were hitched together with spring and - hinge. - - So, still perverse, they argued on--the quarrel, - you see, was their very first; - - ’Twas as though they had taken a sip of brine; - the more they quaffed, the worse their - thirst. - - They argued early and argued late and the dog - surveyed them with wistful look - For, the more they talked the worse they - balked, and forgot to fish or eat or cook. - - Dan at Dunk and Dunk at Dan, - - --On contention ran and ran, - - And rancor spread its sullen fog - ‘Twixt Dunk and Dan and the yaller - dog. - - At last old Dunk uprose and cried, “Say old - hoss-mack’ril, blast yer hide, - - I’m sick of clack and fuss and gab; it’s time, I - reckin, that we divide. - - An’ seein’ as how I’ve spoke the fust, I’ll take - the starn-end here for mine.” - - With chalk he zoned the dingy deck and roared, - “Git for’rard acrost that line!” - - He lighted his pipe and twirled the wheel and - calmly then he crossed his knees. - - “Go for’rard,” said he, “this end is mine an’ - I’ll steer jest where I gol-durn please.” - For’rard went Dan with never a word, never - protested, never demurred, - - But as soon as he reached the cat-head bolt the - sound of hammer on steel was heard. - Splash! went the anchor, and there they swung, - fast to the bottom on Doghead shoal; - - “The bow-end’s mine,” yelled Dan to Dunk, - “now steer if ye want to, blast yer soul!” - - Dunk to Dan, and Dan to Dunk-- - Swore they’d sit there till she sunk. - Neither to compromise would incline, - And the dog stood straddling the mid- - dle line. - - I’ll frankly own I cannot state how long en- - dured that sullen wait, - - I only know they never returned and no one - ever has learned their fate. - - Perhaps a gale with a lashing tail, champing - and roaring and frothing wild, - - Clawed them tinder, as there they rode, or a - hooting liner over them piled. - - But known it is that for days and weeks the - schooner swayed and sogged and tossed, - Straining her rusty cable-chains, before all - trace of her was lost. - - No one knows how they met their death, but - certain it is that Dunk and Dan, - - Each decided he’d rather die than surrender a - point to the other man. - - Perhaps, at the end of a month or so, Dunk de- - cided he’d sink his half, - - Or Dan touched match and burned his end, - then went to death with a scornful laugh. - However it was, this much is sure, that out - from the Grand Banks’ sombre fog, - - Never came back the Pollywog smack, or - Dunk or Dan or the yaller dog. - - -THE AWFUL WAH-HOOH-WOW - - _She’s ashore in Gloucester harbor, with a - weary, lear y list, - - An’ the mud is creepin’, creepin’ to her rail; - - She’s sound in ev’ry timber--is the Mary of - the Mist, - - But the broom is at her mast-head as a sign - that she’s for sale. - - Yet no one wants to try her, - - She cannot find a buyer-- - - The Hoodoo is upon her, an’ here I give the - tale. - - (The story has a warnin’ that’s as plain as - plain can be, - - An’’tis: Never go to triflin’ with the secrets - of the sea.)_ - - Peter Perkinson, a P. I. from Prince Edward - Island, signed - - With Foster’s folks of Gloucester for a - “chancin’ trip,” hand-lined; - - An’ when we counted noses as we rounded - Giant’s Grist - - We found the chap among us on the Mary of - the Mist. - - An’ we sized him for a “conjer” ere we’d - fairly got to sea; - - The wind was whiffin’ crooked, jest as mean as - mean could be; - - “_P. I.” is colloquial term for Prince Edward - Islander_. - - Then the skipper spied the P. I. fubbin’ secret - at the mast, - - An’ at once he got suspicious an’ he overhauled - him fast. - - The chap had made some markin’s an’ he’d - driven in a nail-- - - Oh, we understood him perfect--he was raisin’ - up a gale. - - The skipper gave him tophet, but the damage - then was done-- - - The gale came up a-roarin’ with the settin’ of - the sun. - - Then we wallered to the west’ard an’ we wal- - lered to the east, - - An’ we seemed the core an’ bowels of a gob of - wind an’ yeast. - - We smashed our way to suth’ard, an’ we clawed - an’ ratched to west, - - There was scarcely time for eatin’; there was - never chance for rest, - - With the liners slammin’ past us through the - fog an’ spume an’ rain, - - An’ the Mary dodgin’ passers like a puppy in a - lane. - - The third day found us flappin’ with a mighty - ragged wash, - - The lee rail runnin’ under an’ the trawl tubs all - a-swash, - - An’ at last the plummet told us we were backin’ - to’ards the shoals, - - Yet we couldn’t ratch an’ leave ’em with our - canvas rags an’ holes. - - T ack--tack--tack-- - - Still a-slippin’ back; - - ‘Twas a time for meditatin’ on the prospects - for our souls. - - Then up spoke Isaac Innis, with a starin’, - glarin’ glance, - - An’ he says: “My friends, I’m lookin’ - - where I look! - - I hain’t a saint in no way, an’ I’ll give a man a - chance, - - But I think I see a Jonah if I hain’t a lot - mistook. - - I reckon ye discern him, - - Now over goes he, durn him, - - Unless he squares the Hoodoo that he’s - brought, by hook or crook.” - - (We stood there, grim an’ solemn, an’ we - bent our gaze upon - - The stranger “conjer” sailor, that P. I.-- - Perkinson.) - - He never flinched nor quivered, though we’d - reckoned that he would, - - He simply turned an’ faced us, an’ he says: “I - meant ye good. - - I asked a breeze from suth’ard, but it slipped - an’ got away; - - Still, you needn’t worry, shipmates! When I - owe a debt I’ll pay.” - - He reeved a coil of hawser that the Mary car- - ried spare, - - An’ fastened on a gang-hook an’ baited it with - care. - - Then he took a magic vial an’ he sprinkled on - the bait - - A charm that Splithoof gave him, it is safe to - calkerlate. - - He hitched a dagon-sinker an’ he let the line - run free, - - An’ overboard he fired it, kersplasho, in the - sea, - - We didn’t get the language of the secret spells - he said, - - But we gathered he was fishin’ on the deepest - ocean bed. - - We heard him as he muttered an’ it seemed - that he could tell - - What kind of fish was bitin’, with an eyesight - straight from hell. - - “Ah, brim,” he sort o’ chanted as he gave the - line a twig-- - - An’ must pay his lawful tribute to the awful - Wah-hooh-wow. - - We saw Its neck a-curvin’ an’ we heard Its red - tongue lick - - As It drooled an’ swoofed the drippin’s, and - then, as one might pick - - A ripe an’ juicy cherry, It grabbed that “con- - jer” man - - An’ sank with coils a-flashin’ in the light from - old Cape Ann, - - An’ we--we towed with dories till we got to - Gloucester shore-- - - An’ you’ll never get a Banksman on the Mary - any more. - - No--no--no! - - Not a man will go, - - For her towage fee hain’t settled till the Wah- - hooh-wow takes four. - - She’s ashore in Gloucester harbor with a - weary, leary list, - - An’ the mud is creepin’, creepin’ to her rail; - - She’s sound in ev’ry timber--is the Mary of - the Mist, - - But the broom is at her mast-head as a sign - that she’s for sale. - - Yet no one wants to try her, - - She cannot find a buyer-- - - The Hoodoo is upon her, an’ I’ve given you the - tale. - - (The story has a Warnin’ that’s as plain as - plain can be, - - An’’tis: Never go to triflin’ with the secrets - of the sea.) - - -SKIPPER JASON ELLISON - - His nose was like a liver hung against a Hub- - bard squash, - - --That nose of Jason Ellison, the skipper of - the “Hanks.” - - His nose was like a liver and the color wouldn’t - wash, - - But the men that “chanced” on trips with him, - they always got the dosh,. - - For there wa’n’t another skipper who could - touch him on the Banks. - - Whether biz was tight or slack, - - --When Jase came sailin’ back - - A gang was always coaxin’ for a berth upon - his smack. - - Not another Gloucester skipper - Had sech easy job to ship a - - Topper-notcher fishin’ crew, with ev’ry man a - crack. - - For, you see, he was a wizard;--he did won- - ders with that nose, - - He could sniff and tell the weather-sign of ev’ry - gust that rose; - - You could figure from its color’twas a most - uncommon snoot, - - And whenever he predicted no one ventured to - dispute. - - His eye could nail a fish-slick off a league or so - away, - - --He could look around a corner, so his fel- - lows used to say; - - But the thing’twas most uncommon--where - our whole dependence hung, - - Was his long and round and peak-ed champion - taster of a tongue. - - ’Twas always out and chasin’ round the edges - of his lip; - - When a nasty time was brewin’ - - It was always out and doin’ - - Like as though it felt responsible for helpin’ - handle ship. - - It had tasted ev’ry bottom soil from Quero to - the Cow, - - It knew the taste and savor, the place and where - and how. - - --Darkest night or wildest hurricane that ever - ramped or blew, - - We never lost our bearin’s, for old Jason always - knew. - - We would take some mutton taller and we’d - fill the hollowed head - - Of the plummet, smooth and even, then a man - would throw the lead. - - And we’d pass her back to Jason and he’d turn - the plummet up, - - Taste the scrimp of soil that stuck there on the - taller in the cup, - - And he’d tell us where we headed, though the - night be black’s a coal, - - For he knew the taste of bottoms from the Cow - to Quero Shoal. - - --Told us easy, off the reel, - - What was underneath our keel, - - --Didn’t need the sun or quadrant with old - Jason at the wheel; - - He was only once mistaken in the memory of - men, - - --And we’ve always kept insistin’ that he - wa’n’t mistaken then. - - The storm came down upon us from the nor’- - nor’east by east, - - --’Twas an equinoctial pealer, - - A reg’lar ring-tail squealer, - - The sky was hasty puddin’ and the sea beneath - was yeast. - - When the Hanks went tossin’ up’ards it really - seemed we flew, - - And the sky seemed splittin’ open for to let - our vessel through; - - When we wallowed down wher-rooshin’ in the - gulf that gawped beneath, - - We’d’a’ left our hearts behind us if we hadn’t - clinched our teeth. - - We’d really seem to feel - Old Hankses’ battered keel - - Go bumpin’ on the bottom when she made her - downward reel. - - But the more she blew and blew, - - Old Jason cheered his crew, - - --His whiskers whipping snappin’ as the wind - went screamin’ through. - - So we hung to brace and riggin’ and we let her - roar and roll, - - While each man pinned to Ellison the safety of - his soul. - - Then at last we knew’twas night-time by the - thick’nin’ overhead, - - And Jason licked his taster and he yelled: - “Now throw the lead!” - - An’ we--we blinked to watch him from the - darkness where we clung, - - And waited for the verdict, of that long and - peak-ed tongue. - - He tasted--then he waited, and he smacked his - lips a spell, - - He tasted--tasted--tasted, then he gave an - awful yell: - - “My God, ye critters, pray!” - - --He slung the lead away,-- - - And howled: “The world is endin’! It’s the - final Judgment Day! - - That plummet, there, has brought us up a hand- - ful of the loam - - From the Widder Abbott’s garden on the Neck - ro’d, back at home. - - A tidal wave has lifted us--the Hanks has run - away! - - --It has tossed’er over Glo’ster, - - And we sartin sure have lost’er, - - ’Less ye pray, ye sin-struck critters,’less ye - pray, pray, pray!” - - Each clung to rope and stanchion, each hung to - stay and brace, - - Each prayed up at the heavens while the spin- - drift lashed his face; - - We prayed and prayed till mornin’ - - Till the early, yaller dawnin’ - - Lit up the sea around us, and it also lit our - case; - - Then we found an explanation - Of the sing’lar situation - - That was figgered in the darkness of the night - by Uncle Jase. - - For we noticed there was settin’ up against the - le’ward rail - - Some lavender and other yarbs, a-growin’ in a - pail. - - --They’d been brought aboard by Jase - Who had worn a meechin’ face, - - For his sparkin’ of the widder was the gossip - of the place. - - He knowed a flower-garden looked peecooliar - on the Hanks, - - But he wanted some momentum of the widder - on the Banks. - - Now, the plummet bein’ handled in the dark- - ness of that night - - Somehow cuffed that dirt in passin’--as ye - might say, took a bite. - - And Jason knew the flavor of that scrimp of - garden loam, - - --There wa’n’t a soil to fool him’twixt Quero - Shoal and home. - - By the flavor and the feel - He could tell us off the reel, - - The name of any bottom that was underneath - our keel. - - He was only once mistaken in the memory of - men, - - And his crew will keep insistin’ that he wa’n’t - mistaken then. - - -BALLADS OF DRIVE AND CAMP - - -THE RAPO-GENUS CHRISTMAS BALL - -[Illustration: 0115] - - There had been no social doings since the drive - had passed the flume, - - And the section from Seboomook to the - Chutes was rather blue; - - So the folks at Rapo-genus, where there’s rum - enough and room, - - Arranged a Christmas function and invited - Murphy’s crew. - - The folks at Rapo-genus hired Ezra Hewson’s - hall, - - And posted up the notice for “Our Yearly - Christmas Ball.” - - Now Murphy’s crew was willing and they - walked the fifteen miles, - - And arrived at Rapo-genus wearing most be- - nignant smiles. - - The genial floor director waited near the outer - door, - - And pleasantly suggested they remove the - boots they wore. - - He said that Rapo-genus wished to make of - this affair - - An elegant occasion, “reshershay and day- - bonair;” - - So it seemed the town’s opinion, after many - long disputes, - - That’twas time to change the custom and ex- - clude the spike-sole boots. - - He owned’twas rather drastic and would cause - a social jar - - ’Twixt Upper Ambejejus and the Twin Deps- - connequah, - - “But ’tis settled,” so he told them, “that nary - lady likes - - To do these fancy dances with a gent what’s - wearin’ spikes. - - So I asks ye very kindly, but I asks ye one and - all, - - To leave your brogan calkers on the outside of - this hall.” - - “This ’ere is sort o’ sudden,” said the boss of - Murphy’s crew, - - “Jest excuse us for a minute, but we don’t - know what to do. - - We’ve attended social functions at the Upper - Churchill Chutes, - - An’ the smartest set they had there was - a-wearin’ spike-sole boots. - - Excuse us for the mention, but we feel com- - pelled to say, - - ’Tisn’t fair to shift a fashion all a sudden, this - ’ere way; - - An’ the local delegation, when it came with the - in-vite, - - Omitted partunt leathers in its mention of to- - night. - - So I guess ye’ll have to take us with these - spikes upon our soles, - - We can’t appear in stockin’s,’cause the most of - us have holes.” - - But the genial floor director guarded still the - outer door - - And declared that “gents with spikers weren’t - allowed upon the floor.” - - He said’twas very awkward that special guests - should thus - - Be kept in outer darkness, and he didn’t want a - fuss. - - But so long as Rapogenusites had issued their - decree - - He hadn’t any option, “as a gent with sense - could see.” - - So he passed his ultimatum, “Ye must shed - them spike-sole boots! - - For we hain’t the sort of humstrums that ye’ll - find at Churchill Chutes.” - - Then up spoke Smoky Finnegan, the boss of - Murphy’s crew, - - Said he, “The push at Churchill sha’n’t be - slurred by such as you. - - We’re gents that’s very gentle an’ we never - make a fuss, - - But in slurrin’ folks at Churchill ye are also - slurrin’ us. - - We have interduced the fashions up at Church- - ill quite a while, - - An’ no Rapo-genus half-breeds have the right - to trig our style. - - If ye’ve dropped the vogue of spikers at the - present Christmas ball - - We will start the fashion over, good and solid, - that is all! - - So, mister, please excuse us, but ye’ll open up - your sluice, - - Or God have mercy on ye if I turn these gents - here loose!” - - Then the genial floor director shouted back - within the room, - - “Ho, men of Rapo-genus, here is trouble at - the boom!” - - But even as he shouted, with a rush and crush - and roar, - - Like a bursting jam of timber Murphy’s angels - stormed the door. - - Then against them rose the sawyers of the - Rapo-genus mill, - - Who rallied for the conflict with a most in- - trepid will, - - But by new decree of fashion they were wear- - ing boughten suits - - And even all the boomsmen had put off their - spike-sole boots. - - So that gallant crew of Murphy’s simply trod - upon their feet, - - And backward, howling, cursing, they com- - pelled them to retreat. - - The air was full of slivers as the spikers chewed - the floor, - - And the man whose feet were punctured didn’t - battle any more. - - “Now, fellers, boom the outfit,” shouted Fin- - negan, the boss, - - His choppers formed a cordon and they swept - the room across; - - The people who were standing at the walls in - double ranks, - - Were pulled and thrown to center at the order, - “Clear the banks!” - - Then they herded Rapo-genus in the middle of - the room, - - And slung themselves around it like a human - pocket-boom. - - All the matrons and the maidens were as - frightened as could be - - When Finnegan commanded, “Now collect the - boomage fee!” - - At a corner of the cordon they arranged a sort- - ing-gap - - And one by one the women were escorted from - the trap, - - And without a word of protest, as they drifted - slowly through, - - They paid their tolls in kisses to the men of - Murphy’s crew. - - And at last when all the women had been sorted - from the crowd, - - The men were “second-raters,” so the boss of - Murphy’s vowed. - - “We will raft them down as pulp-stuff!” and - he yelled to close about, - - “Now, my hearties, start the windlass,” or- - dered he, “we’ll warp ’em out!” - - Through the doorway, down the stairway, grim - and struggling, thronged the press, - - --All the brawn of Rapo-genus fighting hard - without success, - - They were herded down the middle of the - Rapo-genus street, - - --If they tried to buck the center they were - bradded on the feet; - - They were yarded at the river; Murphy’s pea- - vies smashed the ice, - - Though the men of Rapo-genus couldn’t smash - that human vise - - That held them, jammed them, forced them! - When the water touched their toes, - - Then at last they fought like demons for to - save their boughten clothes. - - But as fierce were Murphy’s hearties, and their - spikers helped them win, - - For they kicked and spurred their victims and - they dragged them shrieking in. - - Then with water to their shoulders there they - kept them in the wet - - While they gave them points on breeding and - the rules of etiquette. - - And at midnight’twas decided by a universal - vote - - That the strict demands of fashion do not call - for vest or coat; - - That’twixt Upper Ambejejus and the Twin - Depsconnequah - - -BALLADS OF DRIVE AND CAMP - - Shirts of red and checkered flannel are the - smartest form, by far. - - And that gents may chew tobacco was declared - in all ways fit - - If they only use discretion as to when and - where they spit. - - And above all future cavil, sneer or jeer or vain - disputes, - - High was set this social edict: “Gents may - - wear their spike-sole boots.” - - Then the men of Rapo-genus and the men of - Murphy’s crew - - They dissolved their joint convention--they - were near dissolving, too! - - And to counteract the action of the water on - the skin - - They applied some balmy lotion to the proper - parts within. - - Then they danced till ruddy morning, and their - drying garments steamed, - - And awful was the shrinkage of those seven- - dollar suits! - - And the feet of Murphy’s woodsmen gashed - and slashed and clashed and seamed, - - Till a steady rain of slivers rained behind - those bradded boots. - - --And all disputes of etiquette were buried once - for all, - - At that Christmas social function, the Rapo- - genus Ball. - - -WHEN THE ALLEGASH DRIVE GOES THROUGH - - We’re spurred with the spikes in our soles; - - There is water a-swash in our boots; - - Our hands are hard-calloused by peavies and - poles, - - And we’re drenched with the spume of the - chutes. - - We gather our herds at the head - - Where the axes have toppled them loose, - - And down from the hills where the rivers are - fed - - We harry the hemlock and spruce. - - We hurroop them with the peavies from their - sullen beds of snow; - - With the pickpole for a goadstick, down the - brimming streams we go; - - They are hitching, they are halting, and they - lurk and hide and dodge, - - They sneak for skulking eddies, they bunt the - bank and lodge. - - And we almost can imagine that they hear the - yell of saws - - And the grunting of the grinders of the paper- - mills because - - They loiter in the shallows and they cob-pile at - the falls, - - And they buck like ugly cattle where the broad - deadwater crawls. - - But we wallow in and welt ’em with the water - to our waist, - - For the driving pitch is dropping and the - Drouth is gasping “Haste!” - - Here a dam and there a jam, that is grabbed - by grinning rocks, - - Gnawed by the teeth of the ravening ledge that - slavers at our flocks; - - Twenty a month for daring Death; for fighting - from dawn to dark-- - - Twenty and grub and a place to sleep in God’s - great public park; - - We roofless go, with the cook’s bateau to fol- - low our hungry crew-- - - A billion of spruce and hell turned loose when - the Allegash drive goes through. - - My lad with the spurs at his heel - Has a cattle-ranch bronco to bust; - - A thousand of Texans to wheedle and wheel - To market through smother and dust. - - But I with the peavy and pole - - Am driving the herds of the pine, - - Grant to my brother what suits his soul, - - But no bellowing brutes in mine. - - He would wince to wade and wallow--and I - hate a horse or steer! - - But we stand the kings of herders--he for - There and I for Here. - - Though he rides with Death behind him when - he rounds the wild stampede, - - I will chop the jamming king-log and I’ll match - him, deed for deed. - - And for me the greenwood savor and the lash - across my face - - Of the spitting spume that belches from the - back-wash of the race; - - The glory of the tumult where the tumbling - torrent rolls - - With a half a hundred drivers riding through - with lunging poles. - - Here’s huzza for reckless chances! Here’s - hurrah for those who ride - - Through the jaws of boiling sluices, yeasty - white from side to side! - - Our brawny fists are calloused and we’re mostly - holes and hair, - - But if grit were golden bullion we’d have coin - to spend, and spare! - - Here some rips and there the lips of a whirl- - pool’s bellowing mouth, - - Death we clinch and Time we fight, for be- - hind us gasps the Drouth. - - Twenty a month, bateau for a home, and only - a peep at town, - - For our money is gone in a brace of nights - after the drive is down; - - But with peavies and poles and care-free souls - our ragged and roofless crew - - Swarms gayly along with whoop and song - when the Allegash drive does through. - - -THE KNIGHT OF THE SPIKE-SOLE BOOTS - - They had told me to’ware of the “Hulling - Machine,” - - But a tenderfoot is a fool! - - Though the man that’s new to a birch canoe - Believes that he knows, as a rule. - - They had told me to carry a mile above - Where the broad deadwater slips - - Into fret and shoal to tumble and roll - In the welter of Schoodic rips; - - But knowing it all, as a green man does, - - And lazy, as green men are, - - I hated to pack on my aching back - My duffle and gear so far. - - So, as down the rapids there stretched a strip - With a most encouraging sheen, - - I settled the blade of my paddle and made - - For the head of the “Hulling Machine.” - - It wasn’t because I hadn’t been warned - That I rode full tilt at Death-- - - It was simply the plan of an indolent man - To save his back and his breath. - - For I reckoned I’d slice for the left-hand shore - When the roar of the falls drew near, - - And I braced my knees and took my ease-- - There was nothing to do but steer. - - (_There are many savage cataracts, slavering - for prey, - - ’Twixt Abol-jackamcgus and the lower Brass- - u-a, - - But of all the yowling demons that are wicked - and accurst, - - The demon of the Hulling Place is ugliest and - worst._) - - Now the strip in that river like burnished steel - Looked comfortable and slow, - - But my birch canoe went shooting through - Like an arrow out of a bow. - - And the way was hedged by ledges that - grinned - - As they shredded the yeasty tide - And hissed and laughed at my racing craft - As it drove on its headlong ride. - - I sagged on the paddle and drove it deep, - - But it snapped like a pudding-stick, - - Then I staked my soul on my steel-shod pole, - And the pole smashed just as quick. - There was nothing to do but to clutch the - thwarts - - And crouch in that birchen shell, - - And grit my teeth as I viewed beneath - The boil of that watery hell. - - I may have cursed--I don’t know now-- - - I may have prayed or wept, - - But I yelled halloo to Connor’s crew - As past their camp I swept. - - I yelled halloo and I waved adieu - - With a braggart’s shamming mien, - - Then over the edge of the foaming ledge - I dropped in the “Hulling Machine.” - - (_A driver hates a coward as he hates diluted - rye; - - Stiff upper-lip for living, stiff backbone when - you die! - - They cheered me whcn I passed them; they - followed me with cheers, - - That, as bracers for a dying man, are better far - than tears._) - - The “Hulling Place” spits a spin of spume - Steaming from brink to brink, - - And it seemed that my soul was cuffed in a - bowl - - Where a giant was mixing his drink. - - And ’twas only by luck or freak or fate, - - Or because I’m reserved to be hung, - - That I found myself on a boulder shelf - - Where I flattened and gasped and clung. - To left the devilment roared and boiled, - - To right it boiled and roared; - - On either side the furious tide - Denied all hope of ford. - - So I clutched at the face of the dripping ledge - And crouched from the lashing rain, - While the thunderous sound of the tumult - ground - - Its iron into my brain. - - I stared at the sun as he blinked above - Through whorls of the rolling mists, - - And I said good-by and prepared to die - As the current wrenched my wrists. - - But just as I loosened my dragging clutch, - - Out of the spume and fogs - A chap drove through--one o’ Connor’s crew-- - Riding two hemlock logs. - - He was holding his pick-pole couched at Death - As though it were lance in rest, - - And his spike-sole boots, as firm as roots, - - In the splintered bark were pressed. - - If this be sacrilege, pardon me, pray; - - But a robe such as angels wear - Seemed his old red shirt with its smears of dirt, - And a halo his mop of hair; - - And never a knight in a tournament - Rode lists with a jauntier mien - Than he of the drive who came alive - - Through the hell of the “Hulling Ma- - chine.” - - He dragged me aboard with a giant swing, - And he guided the rushing raft - Serenely cool to the foam-flecked pool - - Where the dimpling shallows laughed. - And he drawled as he poled to the nearest - shore, - - While I stuttered my gratitude: - - “I jest came through to show that crew - I’m a match for a sportsman dude.” - - There are only two who have raced those falls - And by lucky chance were spared: - - Myself dragged there in a fool’s despair - And he, the man who dared! - - I make no boast, as you’ll understand, - - And there’s never a boast from him; - - And even his name is lost to fame-- - - I simply know’twas “Jim.” - - If Jim was a fool, as I hear you say - With a sneer beneath your breath, - - So were knights of old who in tourneys bold - Lunged blithesomely down at Death. - - And if I who was snatched from the jaws of - hell - - Am to name a knight to you, - - Here’s the Knight of the Firs, of the Spike- - S’ole Spurs, - - That man from Connor’s crew! - - -’BOARD FOR THE ALLEGASH” - - A hundred miles through the wilds of Maine - You soon may ride on a railroad train. - - Some Yankee hustlers have planned the scheme - To take the place of the tote-road team. - - They have the charter, the grit and cash - To stretch their tracks to the Allegash. - - Along the length of the forest route - The woodland creatures will hear the hoot - Of the bullgine’s whistle, where up to now - The big bull moose has called his cow. - - And old Katahdin’s long fin-back - Will echo loud with the clickity-clack - Of wheels that merrily clatter and clash - Through the sylvan wastes toward the Allegash. - - Sing hey! for the route to Churchill Lake, - - But oh, for the chap who twists the brake. - - His buckskin gloves will save the wear - On his good stout palms, you know, but where - Will he find relief when his throat is lame - With the wrench of a yard-long Indian name? - ’Tis something, friend, of a lingual trick - To say “Seboois” and “Wassataquoick,” - - “Lunksoos,” is tame and “Nesourdneheunk,” - But what do you say to a verbal chunk - To chew at once of the size of this: - - “Pok-um-kes-wango-mok-kessis”? - - I don’t believe’twould phase a man - To bellow out “Lah-kah-hegan - His windpipe scarcely would get a crook - By spouting forth, “Pong-kwahemook,” - - And even “Pata-quon-gamis” - - Is easy. But just look at this: - - Ah, where is he who wouldn’t run - From “Ap-mo-jenen-ma-ganun”? - - E’en “Umbazookskus” scratches some, - - But doesn’t this just strike you dumb? - - “Nahma-juns-kwon-ahgamoc”? - - Just think of having that to sock - Athwart the palpitating air - Straight at a frightened passengaire. - - Hot bearings can be swabbed with oil, - - And busted culverts yield to toil, - - One can replace a broken rail - But larynxes are not on sale. - - So, while it’s hey for Churchill Lake - It’s oh, for the chap who twists the brake. - - -THE WANGAN CAMP - - _The wangan camp! * - - The wangan camp! - - Did ye ever go a-shoppin’ in the wangan - camp?_ - - You can get some plug tobacker or a lovely - corn-cob pipe, - - * _The wangan is the woods store that most of the - Maine lumber camps maintain._ - - Or a pair o’ fuzzy trowsers that was picked - before they’s ripe. - - They fit ye like your body had a dreadful - lookin’ twist; - - There is shirts that’s red and yaller and with - plaids as big’s your fist; - - There are larrigans and shoe-packs for all - makes and shapes of men, - - As yaller as the standers of a Cochin China - hen, - - The goods is rather shop-worn and purraps a - leetle damp, - - --But you take ’em or you leave ’em--either - suits the wangan camp. - - _The wangan camp! - - The wangan camp! - - There is never any mark-downs at the - wangan camp._ - - The folks that knit the stockin’s that they sell - to us, why say-- - - They’d git as rich as Moses on a half of what - we pay. - - I haven’t seen the papers, but I jedge this - Bower war - - Is a-raisin’ Ned with prices--they are wust I - ever saw. - - I was figg’rin’ t’other ev’nin’ what I’d bought, - --by Jim, I’ll bet - - That a few more pairs o’larrigans will fetch me - out in debt. - - For I’ve knowed a stiddy worker to go out as - poor’s a tramp -‘Cause he traded som’at reg’lar at the com- - p’ny’s wangan camp. - - _The wangan camp! - - The wangan camp! - - They tuck it to you solid at the wangan - camp_. - - -PLUG TOBACCO AT SOURDNAHUNK - - Now just for a moment I’ll let the machine, - Grind lyrical praise of the base nicotine. - - --An ode of a sort of a commonplace stripe - Addressed to plebeian cut-plug and the pipe. - Oh, answer me now, gentle friends of the line, - Who have sought the blest haunts of the - spruce and the pine, - - Have you found in the woods that a fragrant - cigar - - Tastes worse than an elm-root slopped over - with tar? - - Queer thing, that, my friend, but it’s none the - less true, - - --This quirk of tobacco--I’ll leave it to you! - - But there’s savor in wreaths from the brier and - cob, - - In the depths of the forest afar from the mob; - - And an incense that’s sweet to ecstatic degree - - Curls up from the bowl of the ancient T. D. - - While choicest Perfectos smell ranker than - punk - - In the shade of the hemlocks of Sourdnahunk. - - Ah, here do the tables most wondrously turn! - - The city olfactories sniff if you burn - - Aught else than the finest Havana in rolls; - - Folks turn up their noses at cut-plug in bowls; - - You may roam where you like with the base - cigarette - - But you can’t smoke your pipe in the house, - now you bet. - - For curtains and pictures and hangings and - lace - - All flutter rebukingly there in your face; - - And wife and the daughters and neighbors all - cough - - And wish that the pipe-smoking man would - break off. - - But ah, gentle fisher, the woods shout to thee, - - With fervent request that you bring the T. D. - - For the reek that the flavored tobacco roll pours - - Belongs back in town and not here out-of- - doors. - - Leave there city manners, creased trousers, - your “job,” - - Bring here to the woods your tobacco and cob, - - The hemlocks above you will tenderly sigh - - As the incense from pipe bowls drifts past to - the sky. - - Ah, human magician, the secret is yours! - - Would you work mystic charms in the world - out-of-doors? - - Take you the alembic of chastened brown bowl. - - Touch fire--and visions will comfort your soul, - - As you gaze out at Life through the wreaths - from a junk - - Of good plug tobacco at Sourdnahunk. - - -O’CONNOR FROM THE DRIVE - - _Men who plough the sea, spend they may--and - free! - - But nowhere is there prodigal among those - careless Jacks, - - Who will toss the hard-won spoil of a year of - lusty toil, - - Like the Prodigals of Pick-pole and the Ish- - maels of the Axe._ - - You could hear him when he started from the - Rapogenus Chutes, - - You could hear the cronching-cranching of his - swashing, spike-sole boots, - - You could even hear the colors in the flannel - shirt he wore, - - And the forest fairly shivered at the way - O’Connor swore. - - ’Twas averred that in the city, full a hundred - miles away, - - They felt a little tremor when O’Connor drew - his pay. - - Though he drew it miles away, - - When O’Connor drew his pay, - - The people in the city felt the shock of it that - day. - - And they said in deepest gloom, - - “The drive is in the boom, - - And O’Connor’s drawn his wages; clear the - track and give him room.” - - He rode two giant spruces thro’ the smother of - the Chutes, - - He rode them, standing straddled, shod and - spurred in spike-sole boots; - - And just for exhibition, when he struck Che- - suncook Rip - - He rolled the logs and ran them with never - miss or slip. - - For a dozen miles thro* rapids did he balance - on one log, - - And he shot the Big Seboomook at a mighty - lively jog. - - He reached Megantic Landing where he nim- - bly leaped ashore, - - And he bought some liquid fire at the Bemis - wangan store. - - For, O’Connor’d drawn his pay, - - He was then upon his way - - For a little relaxation and a day or two of play. - The drive was in the boom, - - Safely past Seboois flume, - - And all O’Connor wanted was rum enough-- - and room. - - O’Connor owned the steamboat from Megantic - to the Cove: - - Whatever there was stavable, he forthwith - calmly stove. - - He larruped crew and captain when they - wouldn’t let him steer, - - Sat down upon the smoke-stack--smoked out - the engineer. - - Of course he was arrested when the steamer - got to shore; - - A justice fined O’Connor and he paid the fine - --and more! - - He had drawn his season’s pay, - - He had cash to throw away, - - He had cash to burn! O’Connor’d spurn for - clemency to pray. - - The drive was safely down, - - He was on his way to town; - - He was doing up the section and proposed to - do it brown. - - O’Connor owned the railroad, as O’Connor’d - owned the craft. - - Pie cronched from rear to engine, and he - chaffed and quaffed and laughed. - - He smashed the plate-glass windows, for he - didn’t like the styles. - - He smashed and promptly settled for a dozen - stove-pipe tiles; - - They took him into limbo right and left along - the line, - - He pulled his roll and willingly kept peeling off - his fine. - - With his portly wad of pay - He paved his genial way, - - He’d had no chance to spend it on the far-off - Brass-u-a. - - But now the drive was in, - - As he’d neither kith nor kin, - - There seemed no special reason why he - shouldn’t throw his tin. - - O’Connor reached the city and he reached it - with a jar, - - He had piled up all the cushions in the center - of the car. - - --Had set them all on fire, and around the blaz- - ing pile - - He was dancing “dingle breakdowns” in a - very jovial style. - - And before they got him cornered they had - rung in three alarms, - - And it took the whole department to tie his - legs and arms. - - He had spent his last lone copper, but they sold - his spike-sole boots - - For enough to pay his freightage back to Rapo- - genus Chutes. - - They put him in a crate, - - And they shipped him back by freight, - - To commence his year of chopping up in Town- - ship Number Eight. - - And earnestly he swore, - - When they dumped him on the shore, - - He had never spent his wages quite so pleas- - urably before. - - _Men who plough the sea, spend they may--and - free! - - But nowhere is there prodigal among those - careless Jacks, - - Who will toss the hard-won spoil of a year of - lusty toil, - - Like the Prodigals of Pick-pole and the Ish- - maels of the Axe._ - - -JUST HUMAN NATURE - - -BALLAD OF OZY B. ORR - - Here’s a plain and straight story of Ozy B. - Orr-- - - A ballad unvarnished, but practical, for - - It tells how the critter he wouldn’t lie down - - When a Hoodoo had reckoned to do him up - brown. - - It shows how a Yankee alights on his feet - - When folks looking on have concluded he’s - beat - - Now Ozy had money and owned a good farm - - And matters were working all right to a charm. - - When he “went on” some papers to help his - son Bill - - Who was all tangled up in a dowel-stock mill. - - Now Bill was a quitter, and therefore one day - - Those notes became due and his dad had to pay. - - So he slapped on a mortgage and then buckled - down - - To pay up the int’rest and keep off the town. - - Oh, that mortgage, it clung like a sheep-tick in - wool, - - And the more she sagged back, harder Ozy - would pull; - - But a mortgage can tucker the likeliest man, - - And Ozy he found himself flat on hard pan. - - He dumped in his stock and his grain and his - hay, - - He scrimped and he skived and endeavored to - pay; - - He sold off his hay and his grain and his stock - - Till the ricky-tick-tack of the auctioneer’s knock - - Kept up such a rapping on Ozy’s old farm - - That the auctioneer nigh had a kink in his - arm-- - - And it happened at last,’long o’ Thanksgiving - time, - - Old Ozy was stripped to his very last dime. - - And he said to his helpmeet: “Poor mummy, - I van - - I guess them ’ere critters have got all they can. - - For they’ve sued off the stock till the barns - are all bare, - - ’Cept the old turkey-gobbler, a-peckin’ out - there; - - They’d’a’ lifted him, too, for those lawyers are - rough, - - But they reckoned that gobbler was rather too - tough. - - So they’ve left us our dinner for Thanksgivin’ - Day; - - Just remember that, mummy, to-night when - you pray. - - Now chirk up your appetite, for, with God’s - grace, - - We’ll eat all at once all the stock on the place.” - - But Ozy he was a cheerful man, - - A goodly man, a godly man-- - - He didn’t repine at Heaven’s plan, but he took - things as they came; - - And cheerfully soon he whistled his tune - - That he always whistled-- ’twas Old Zip - Coon, - - And he whistled it all the afternoon with never - a word of blame. - - While all unaware of his owner’s care, - - The gobbler pecked in the sunshine there, - - With a tip-toe, tip-toe Nancy air, and ruffled - like dancing dame; - - Till it seemed to Ozy, whistling still - To the ripity-rap of the turkey’s bill, - - That the prim old gobbler was keeping time - - To the sweep and the swing of the wordless - rhyme: - - Pickety-peck, - - With arching neck, - - The turkey strutted with bow and beck. - - And a Yankee notion was thereby born - To Ozy Orr ere another morn. - - A practical fellow was Ozy B. Orr, - - As keen an old Yankee as ever you saw - A bit of a platform he made out of tin, - - With a chance for a kerosene lantern within; - He took his old fiddle and rosined the bow - And took the old turkey--and there was his - show! - - You don’t understand? Well, I’ll own up to - you - - The crowds that he gathered were mystified, - too. - - For he advertised there on his banner unfurled - “A Jig-dancing Turkey--Sole one in the - World.” - - And the more the folks saw it, the more and - the more - - They flocked with their dimes, and jammed - at the door; - - For it really did seem that precocious old bird - At sound of the fiddle was wondrously stirred. - In stateliest fashion the dance would commence, - Then faster and faster, with fervor intense, - Until, at the end, with a shriek of the strings - And a furious gobble and whirlwind of wings, - - The turkey would side-step and two-step and - spin, - - Then larrup with ardor that echoing tin. - - And widely renowned, and regarded with awe, - - Was the “Great Dancing Turkey of Ozy B. - Orr.” - - And the mortgage was paid by the old gobbler’s - legs-- - - Now Ozy is heading up money in kegs. -[Illustration: 0149] - - He would calmly tuck beneath his chin - The bulge of his cracked old violin, - - He sawed while the turkey whacked the tin, - the people they paid and came; - - For swift and soon to the lilting tune, - - When he fiddled the measure of Old Zip - Coon, - - The gobbler would whirl in a rigadoon--or - something about the same! - - While under the tin, tucked snugly in, - - Was the worthless Bill, that brand of Sin; - - And’twas Bill that made the turkey spin with - the tip of the lantern flame; - - For, as ever and ever the tin grew hot - - The turkey made haste for to leave that spot, - - Till it seemed that the gobbler was keeping time - - To the sweep and the swing of the fiddle’s - rhyme. - - Pickety-peck, - - With snapping neck, - - The gobbler gamboled with bow and beck! - Does a notion pay? It doth--it doth! - - Just reckon what O. B. Orr is “wuth.” - - -THE BALLAD OF “OLD SCRATCH” - - They have always called him “Scratchy,” Ezry - “Scratch” and “Uncle Scratch,” - - Since the time he cut that ding-do in a certain - wrasslin’ match; - - ’Twas a pesky scaly caper; he deserved to get - the name - - --If he lives to be a hundred he will carry it - the same. - - He had vummed that he could wallop any feller - in the place, - - He allowed that as a wrassler he could sort of - set the pace, - - And he bragged so much about it that at last - we came to think. - - If he’d lived in time o’ Samson--could have - downed Sam quick’s a wink. - - And there wasn’t nary feller in the town nor - round about - - Who had grit or grab or gumption to take holt - and shake him out. - - And he set around the gros’ry keepin’ up his - steady clack - - That there never was a feller who could put - him on his back. - - So it went till Penley Peaslee’s oldest boy came - home from school - - --And I tell you that’s a shaver that ain’t any- - body’s fool--! - - He ain’t tall nor big nor husky and he isn’t - very stout, - - But he’s nimble as a cricket and as spry as all - git out! - - Well, he heard old Ezry braggin’ and at last - as cool’s could be - - Boy says, “Uncle, shed your weskit; I will - take your stump,” says he. - - Guess’twas jest about a minute’fore old Ezry - got his breath, - - Then says he, “Scat on ye, youngster! I - should squat ye ha’f to death. - - What ye think ye know’bout wrasslin’? - S’pose I’m go’n’ to fool with boys?” - - But the crowd commenced to hoot him and they - made sech pesky noise - - That at last they got him swearing and he - shed his coat and vest - - And commenced to stretch his muscles and to - pound against his breast. - - “S’pose I’ve got to if ye say so,” says he scorn- - ful as ye please, - - “But I’ll throw that little shaver, one hand - tied and on my knees. - - I can slat him galley-endways and not use one- - ha’f my strength. - - What ye want bub? Take your ch’ice now; - side holts, back holts, or arm’s length? - - Collar’n elbow if ye say so. Name yer pizen! - Take your pick!” - - “Suit yourself,” the youngster answered; - “long’s ye git to business quick.” - - As I’ve said the boy wam’t heavy;--he was - spry, though, quicker’n scat, - - And he had old Ezry spinnin’’fore he knew - where he was at; - - Hooked him solid, give a twister, doubled up - the old gent’s back - - And Ez tumbled like a chimbly--smooth and - solid and ker-whack! - - Well, he lay there stunned and breathless with - his mouth jam-full o’ dirt - - And his both hands full o’ gingham, for he had - the youngster’s shirt. - - When the crowd commenced to holler as he - staid there on the ground - - Grocer Weaver’s old black tom-cat came on tip- - toe sniffin’ round. - - He was just a-gettin’ ready for to gnaw off - Ezry’s nose - - When the old man got his senses and he sud- - denly arose. - - Then he grabbed that old black tom-cat good - and solid by the tail - - And commenced to welt the youngster just as - hard as he could whale. - - Ev’ry time he reached and raked him on that - bare white back of his-- - - Ow! them claws they grabbed in dretful and - they hurt him--ah, gee whiz! - - There were howls and yowls and spittin’s; it - was rip and slit and tear, - - And the air was full of tom-cat and of flyin’ - skin and hair. - - Final clip that Ezry hit him it was such a - tarnal clout - - That the cat he stuck on solid till they pried - his toe-nails out. - - So they’ve always called him “Scratchy” Ezry - “Scratch” and “Uncle Scratch.” - - Since the time he cut that ding-do in a certain - wrasslin’ match; - - ’Twas a pesky scaly caper; he deserved to get - the name, - - --If he lives to be a hundred he will carry it - the same. - - -WHEN ’LISH PLAYED OX - - Grouty and gruff, - - Profane and rough, - - Old’Lish Henderson slammed through life; - Swore at his workers, - - --Both honest and shirkers, - Threatened his children and raved at his wife. - Yes,’Lish was a waspish and churlish old man, - Who was certainly built on a porcupine plan, - - In all of the section there couldn’t be found - A neighbor whom Henderson hadn’t “stood -‘round.” - - And the men that he hired surveyed him with - awe - - And cowered whenever he flourished his jaw. - Till it came to the time that he hired John Gile, - A brawny six-footer from Prince Edward’s - Isle. - - He wanted a teamster, old Henderson did, - - And a number of candidates offered a bid, - - But his puffy red face and the glare in his eyes, - - And his thunderous tones and his ominous size - - And the wealth of his language embarrassed - them so - - Their fright made them foolish;--he told them - to go. - - And then, gaunt and shambling, with good- - natured smile, - - Came bashfully forward the giant John Gile. - - “Have ye ever driv’ oxen?” old Henderson - roared. - - Gile said he could tell the brad-end of a goad. - - Then Henderson grinned at the crowd stand- - ing’round - - And he dropped to his hands and his knees on - the ground. - - “Here, fellow,” he bellowed, “you take that - ’ere gad, - - Just imagine I’m oxen; now drive me, my - lad. - - Just give me some samples of handlin’ the stick, - - I can tell if I want ye and tell ye blame quick.” - - Gile fingered the goad hesitatingly, then - - As he saw Uncle’Lish grinning up at the men - - Who were eyeing the trial, said, “Mister, I - swan, - - ‘Tain’t fair on a feller--this teamin’ a man.” - - “I’m oxen--I’m oxen,” old Henderson cried, - - “Git onto your job or git out an’ go hide.” - - Then Gile held the goad-stick in uncertain pose - - And gingerly swished it near Uncle’Lish’s - nose. - - “Wo hysh,” he said gently; “gee up, there, - old Bright! - - Wo hysh--wo, wo, hysh,”--but with mischiev- - ous light - - In his beady old eyes Uncle’Lish never stirred - - And the language he used was the worst ever - heard. - - “Why, drat ye,” he roared “hain’t ye got no - more sprawl - - Than a five year old girl? Why, ye might as - well call - - Your team ‘Mister Oxen,’ and say to ’em, - ‘please!’” - - And then Uncle’Lish settled down on his - knees. - - And he snapped, “Hain’t ye grit enough, man, - to say scat? - - Ye’ll never git anywhere, drivin’ like that. - - I’ll tell ye right now that the oxen I own - - Hain’t driven like kittens; they don’t go alone, - - There’s pepper-sass in ’em--they’re r’arin’ an’ - hot, . - - An’ I--I’m the r’arin’est ox in the lot.” - - Then Uncle’Lish Henderson lowered his head - - And bellowed and snorted. John Gile calmly - said, - - “Of course--oh, of course in a case such as - that--” - - He threw out his quid and he threw down his - hat, - - Jumped up, cracked his heels, danced around - Uncle’Lish - - And yelled like a maniac, “Blast ye, wo hysh!” - - Ere Uncle’Lish Henderson knew what was - what - - His teeth fairly chattered, he got such a swat - - From that vicious ash stick--though that - wasn’t as bad - - As when the man gave him two inches of brad, - - --Just jabbed it with all of his two-handed - might, - - “Wo, haw, there,” he shouted, “gee up there, - old Bright!” - - Well, Uncle’Lish gee-ed--there’s no doubt - about that-- - - Went into the air and he squalled like a cat, - - Made a swing and a swoop at that man in a - style - - That would show he proposed to annihilate - Gile. - - But Gile clinched the goad-stick and hit him a - whack - - On the bridge of his nose--sent him staggering - back, - - And he reeled and he gasped and he sunk on - his knee, - - “Dad-rat ye,” yelled Gile, “don’t ye try to - hook me! - - Gee up, there--go’long there; wo haw an’ wo - hysh!” - - And again did he bury that brad in old’Lish, - - Then he lammed and he basted him, steady and - hard, - - He chased and he bradded him all’round the - yard, - - Till’Lish fairly screamed, as he dodged like a - - fox, - - “For heaven’s sake, stranger, let’s play I hain’t - ox.” - - Gile bashfully stammered, “Why,’course ye - are not! - - But ye’ll have to excuse me--I sort o’ forgot!” - - With a twisted smile - ‘Lish looked at Gile, - - Then he lifted one hand from the place where - he smarted; - - And he held it out, - - --Gripped good and stout, - - “Ye’re hired,” said he; “I reckin I’m - started!” - - -OLD “TEN PER CENT” - - His mouth is pooched and solemn and he’ll - never squeeze a smile, - - He’s yeller ’em saffron bitters’cause he’s col- - ored so by bile; - - No organ in his system seems to run the way - it should, - - --He never has a hearty shake or says a word - of good. - - He’ll soften, though, a crumb or so if money’s - to be lent - - And some poor strugglin’ devil comes to time - with ten per cent. - - He is flingin’ and is dingin’ first at this and - then at that, - - And to ev’ry reputation gives a cuff or kick or - slat; - - Pretty lately he was spewin’ sland’rous gossip - he had heard, - - And our minister was passin’. Wal, the elder - he was stirred - - And he says, “Ah, Brother Bowler, if you’d - lived in Jesus’ time - - When they brought to him the woman whom - they’d taken in her crime, - - That story in the Scriptures would have took - a diff’rent tone, - - For I s’picion if you’d been there you’d’a’ up - and thrown the stone. - - Yes, I reckon that the woman would have sartin - been a goner, - - For you’d thrown the rock--and that hain’t - all! You’d’a’ thrown one with a corner!” - - Wal, ye’d think a dig of that sort would have - shamed him ha’f to death, - - But, Land o’ Goshen, neighbor,--hain’t no mor- - tifyin’ Seth! - - --Jest a waste of breath - To jab at Uncle Seth, - - He’s holler where the soul should be--hain’t - got no human peth. - - He’s deef to ev’ry cry of want and don’t know - what is meant, - - But--bet he’ll hear for ha’f a mile the whisper, - “Ten per cent!” - - It took a lot of practicin’ to work his hearin’ - down - - To where he’s never bothered by the troubles in - our town. - - He never hears the sorrows of some woman - who is left - - With orphans and a morgidge’bout a thousand - times her heft. - - He hain’t the one that worries when she says - she cannot pay, - - The morgidge holds her anchored--the farm - can’t git away. - - Upon the shattered door-steps of his racked - old tenements - - He crowds the wolf of hunger when he goes - to git his rents. - - But he never hears the wailin’ of the troubled - folks within, - - He simply wants his money and’tis tenant, trot - or tin! - - He never hears entreaties of his neighbors in - the lurch - - Unless there’s good endorsers. He never hears - the church, - - He never hears the knockin’ of a fist upon his - door - - Unless he knows the thuddin’ means his ten - per cent--or more. - - (His auditory organs sense no waves from - wails of sorrow - - But they hear the faintest zephyr from the man - who wants to borrow.) - - Now, with ears in that condition, when they’re - extry dulled by death, - - On the Resurrection mornin’ I’ll have fears for - Uncle Seth. - - When Gab’rel toots his trump - And risen spirits jump, - - And up before the Throne of Light forthwith - proceed to hump, - - I reckin Seth will slumber on, not knowin’ what - is meant -‘Cause Gab’rel won’t take’special pains to hol- - ler, “Ten per cent!” - - -DIDN’T BUST HIS FORK - - He could tell ye what he’d done, - - --He was eloquent, my son, - - In puttin’ all his doin’s into mighty lively talk. - - But I’ve follered him around, - - And, by gosh, I never found - - That he ever lifted hard enough to - Bust - - His - - Fork! - - Pie was always full o’ brag - ‘Bout how he could lift a jag - That would double up a hossfork and make - the horses balk. - - But I never see’d no signs - That he ever bent the tines - Or ever bruk’ the handle of his - Old - - Pitch - - Fork! - - -MEAN SAM GREEN - - Old Sam Green! - - What? Mean? - - I reckin that a meaner man was skercely ever - seen. - - People said he’d skin a fly for sake of hide an’ - grease; - - He wouldn’t grin--it stretched the skin, an’ - he begredged the crease. - - Sort o’ squirmed when asked to set--didn’t - want the chance! - - We wondered why; we found at last’twas - jest to save his pants. - - Never used to shave himself, never combed his - - hair; - - Used to sort o’ hate to wash, account o’ wear - and tear. - - Never beau-ed the wimmen’round, never spent - a cent, - - ’Cept the time he bought a girl an ounce of - pepperment. - - Alius kind o’ groaned o’ that; said the dratted - dunce - - Set an’ chawnked an’ chawnked an’ chawnked - an’ et it all to once. - - Said he learned a lesson then to last him all - through life; - - Said’twould take a millionaire to feed a hearty - wife. - - So he planned an’ worked an’ saved an’ grubbed - his little patch, - - Allowed he’d ruther plug along, jest like he - was, “old bach.” - - Sam, though, shifted later on--the pesky mean - old goat-- - - He struck a find; she’d had a shock that par- - alyzed her throat! . - - Still, she worked most dretful spry--didn’t - need no spurs-- - - Only “out” that woman had was that ’ere - throat of hers. 1 - - Married her? you bet he did! Straight--right - off the reel! - - Reckoned that she couldn’t eat a reel, good - hearty meal. - - Figgered he’d git lots of work an’ only feed her - slim; - - Wife, though, wopsed it t’other way an’ got - the laugh on him! - - I reckin that a madder man was skercely ever - seen, - - Than Green, - - Old mean Sam Green. - - Soon’s she fairly placed her feet, she called the - doctors in, - - An’ they commenced to work on her an’ tap - old Green for tin. - - He swore an’ howled, but she was boss--she - run the whole concern-- - - She said she’d morgidge all he owned to cure - that throat of her’n. - - The high-priced doctors far an’ near come - hustlin’ to the place, - - An’ fubbed an’ fussed an’ then discussed that - reely puzzlin’ case. - - An’ each performed his little stunt with all his - skill an’ will, - - An’ said that time would do the rest--an’ then - put in his bill. - - Wal, Land o’ Goshen, Sam took on as though - they drawed his blood. - - He’d hitch and hunch his wallet out as though - ’twas stuck in mud. - - Their nuss was quite a hand to tog; she used - to say to us - - She wished that corsets laced as tight’s the - straps on that old puss. - - Mis’ Green at last got down reel slim; one - night--so nuss, she said, - - Old Sam come creepin’, creakin’ in; set down - ‘longside the bed. - - He stooped an’ poked around a spell, picked up - Lucindy’s shoe, - - An’ then--wal, nuss she vums an’ vows this - ’ere is honest true: - - He routed’round the fireplace an’ got a cinder- - coal, - - An’ went to figgerin’ up expense, right there - on ’Cindy’s sole. - - He talked the items right out loud, but ’Cindy - didn’t kick - - So long’s he only reckoned things she’d had - while she was sick. - - But when he got to projickin’’bout what - ’twould prob’ly cost - - To bury her in decent shape, he sort o’ up an’ - crossed - - The “mean-man” line, the “tarnal mean” an’ - even “gaul-durned mean”-- - - He formed a brand-new class himself; jest - him alone, Sam Green, - - Stands serene! - - “Green mean,” - - Signifies the meanest man that ever ye have - seen. - - Die? What! ’Cindy up an’ die? You bet - she didn’t die! - - Got so mad to hear him talk she flew right up - sky-high. - - Hopped like sixty out o’bed, as hearty’s Paddy’s - goat, - - An’ that ’ere kink--whatever’twas--it came - right out her throat. - - An’ talk? She hadn’t talked for years, but - soon’s she got her breath, - - I swan to man, I reely b’lieve she talked old - Green to death. - - For ’fore she’d trod around enough to wear the - coal marks out, - - Old Sam curled up an’ passed away. Some - said there wa’n’t much doubt - - He’d reely died two years before, but hadn’t - let folks know, - - Because these undertakin’ chaps tuck on ex- - penses so. - - Perk Todd was tellin’ down t’ the store he had - a dream las’ week-- - - He dreamed he got in Paradise! Must been - a denied close’ squeak! - - Wal, Perk he says an angel there was showin’ - him around, - - “At last,” says Perk, “I ups an’ asks how - ’twas I hadn’t found - - No people there from where I’d lived. The - angel says, says he: -‘Here bub!’ A cherub scooted up. ‘Go git - the storehouse key.’” - - Says Perk: “The angel took me in. An’ - where we were, it’peared - - That’bout a billion boxed-up things was there - all nicely tiered. - - The angel said, ‘When folks on earth do any- - thing that’s small - - Their souls git squizzled bit by bit; an’ when - they die, then all - - The little, teenty souls that come are packed in - here, ye know, - - Jes’ same’s they box tomater plants to giv’ ’em - time to grow.’ - - He hunted’round an’ found a box. ‘There,’ - finally said he, - - ‘We’ve got about as sing’lar thing as ever ye - will see.’ - - Inside that box was nested dus’ a dozen boxes - more; - - The last box was the smallest box I ever saw - before, - - An’ in it was a teenty speck. ‘Is that a soul?’ - says I. - - ‘Oh, no,’ said he, ‘the thing you see’s the eye- - brow of a fly. - - You couldn’t see the soul that’s there, to save - your blessed neck, - - Because it’s one ten-millionth part as big’s - that leetle speck. - - In fact it is the smallest soul that we have ever - seen; - - The label says’--he squinted hard--‘it’s one - old Sam’wel Green.’ - - All serene, - - Sam Green - - Is ticketed ‘The Limit; Number billion-umpty - steen.’” - - -DICKERER JIM - - That Dickerer Jim--Shenanigan Jim. - - I never see’d hoss jockey equal to him. - - He’d rather swap hosses than eat a good meal, - - He’d take all the chances--and Jim wouldn’t - squeal! - - He’d talk like a cyclone on any old skate - - --Take a wheezy old pel ter with hopity gait - - And he’d make you believe--would that Dick- - erer Jim-- - - There were all kinds of pedigrees tied up in - him. - - And you bet your old boots, if he got you in - range - - He could touch you all right for a sale or a - “change.” - - --As keen as a brier, as sharp as a knife - - He never got phazed except once in his life. - - And that was a corker, by ginger, on him, - - On Dickerer Jim--Shenanigan Jim. - - He loaded a breather--a reg’lar old rip - - On a man from the city--just did it by lip. - - Talked the man dumb and silly and giv’ him the - hooks - - Till the chap forked his money just simply on - looks. - - And he went back to town with a big double - cross - - In the shape of a whoofity plug of a boss. - - Jim--Jim, - - Shenanigan Jim, - - Didn’t you--didn’t you soak it to him! - - Jim--Jim, - - As a sample of “trim” - - That feller was pruned to the very last limb. - - Now Dickerer Jim--Shenanigan Jim-- - - Was down in the city. His eyesight was dim; - - So he couldn’t keep lookout, and first thing he - knew - - Right plumb up against him that city chap - blew. - - He recognized Jim--Jim hadn’t seen him-- - - Till the feller grabbed holt; then the chances - seemed slim - - For avoidin’ a scrimmage, for seldom is seen - - A chap that’s so mad that his face is pea green. - - But his tongue wasn’t ready as quick as his - sight; - - Now Jim couldn’t see, yet his tongue was all - right, - - And away he went, lickity-whizzle! Talk, - talk! - - While the feller was still scoring down in a - balk - - With his mouth propped apart; oh, he’d plenty - - to say, - - But Jim, goin’ steady, had levelled away. - - And he told that ’ere feller he’d hunted for him, - - --Did Dickerer Jim--Shenanigan Jim. - - The feller allowed he’d been huntin’ some, too, - - But Jim didn’t hesitate--slam-banged it - through! - - Says he, “I’ve been sorry I sold you that hoss - - And the minit I sold him I knew’twas a loss. - - For the very same day that you took him away - - I met with a chap that I figger will pay - - A clean and cool hundred above what you giv’, - - --I can load that ’ere hoss on that chap, sure’s - you live. - - That feller he wants him--lie’s anxious to pay; - - Now what shall I say to him--what shall I - say?” - - Then the sucker he tore and he swore, and says - he, - - “Go tell him the same blasted lie you told me! - - He’ll buy, don’t you worry! You’ll tag him-- - he’s It, - - --That’s a lie you can never improve on a bit!” - - Jim--Jim, - - Shenanigan Jim, - - That was a side-windin’ answer for him. - - Jim--Jim, - - Jest turned and he “clim’” - - For he see’d there warn’t stretch in the chap’s - t’other limb. - - -BALLAD OF BENJAMIN BRANN - - Oh, a positive man--a positive man, - - So the people discovered, was Benjamin Brann. - - With his household and neighbors and children - and hoss - - Old Brann allowed he would always be boss. - - And the most of the people they’d ruther kow- - tow - - To his notions than live in the midst of a row. - - And whenever you’d see in a faint-hearted - crowd, - - A man who was hollerin’’specially loud, - - You could calculate suttin that positive man - - Was the uncontradicted old Benjamin Brann. - - For after a while all the folks stood in awe - - Of the roar of his voice and the build of his - jaw; - - He was lookin’ for trouble and carried a chip - - And chance for a tussle he never let slip; - - He hated to think that the world could still go - - When he stood at one side and kept hollerin’ - “whoa!” - - One day he was teamin’ his oxen to town; - - He set on the cart tongue., his feet hangin’ - down. - - And bein’ a positive kind of a chap, - - --Pokin’ out o’ his way for the sake of a - scrap-- - - Whenever he noticed a boulder or stump - - He’d gee. and ride over the critter ker-bump! - - But it happened one boulder that he came - across - - Gave Benjamin’s ox-cart too lively a toss; - - He was under the broad-tired wheels, s’r. before - - He’d gathered his voice for his usual roar. - - But just as the ox-cart rolled over him--oh, - - You’d a-fallen down stunned at the way he - yelled “whoa!” - - ’Twas so loud and so threat’nin’ that Brindle - and Haw - - Who bowed to that voice as their Gospel and - Law - - Were so eager to stop that they backed, s’r, - and then - - The wheel it rolled over the old man again. - - There’s a moral to this as you notice, no doubt, - - But I haven’t the patience to ravel it out. - - I’ll say to reformers and dogmatists, though, - - It’s safest to holler a moderate “whoa!” - - -THE HEIRS - - They hastened to the funeral when Aunt Sa- - brina died. - - Nephews, nieces, relatives--they came from - far and wide. - - They hurried in by boat and train; they came - by stage and team, - - In breasts a jealous bitter greed, in eyes a hun- - gry gleam. - - I knew the most as decent men, their wives as - honest dames, - - Who in the common run of things were careful - of their names. - - And yet, alas, we sadly find that many who be- - have - - As cooing doves in daily life are buzzards at - the grave. - - So while the choir softly purred, and while the - parson prayed, - - The lids of mourning eyes were raised and - sneaking glances strayed - - From old-style clock to pantry shelf, from par- - lor set to rug, - - And knitted brows weighed soberly how much - each heir could lug. - - Anon the lustful glances crossed and scowl re- - plied to scowl, - - And spoke as plain as though the look were - voiced in sullen growl: - - Thus when the parson prayed, “Oh, Lord, take - Thou this way-worn soul,” - - I caught a look that plainly spoke: “I’ll take - that china bowl.” - - And this look said, “I speak for that,” and - that look spoke for this, - - The while the parson droned of love and told - them of the bliss - - That cometh after struggles here; “The peace - of rest,” he said, - - And then each woman claimed through looks - her aunt’s goose-feather bed. - - ’Twas thus the kindred flocked to town when - Aunt Sabrina died, - - Ostensibly to bury her, but really to divide. - - No will was left,’twas catch as can; and each - and every heir, - - Came in with desperate intent to scoop the big- - gest share. - - They passed around with creaking shoes and - kissed the silent lip, - - And pressed the limp, old, withered hand from - out whose jealous grip - - The goods of earth had slipped away to heap a - funeral pyre, - - A tinder pile where torch of Greed would start - a roaring fire. - - They rode behind in solemn show and stood - around the grave, - - Until the coffin sank from sight; and then each - jealous knave - - Hopped back with great celerity in carriage and - in hack, - - And folks who saw averred those heirs raced - horses going back. - - This is no fairy tale, my friend! I’m giving - you the facts, - - ’Tis just an instance where the heirs came - round and brought an axe; - - Where folks of pretty honest stripe could - hardly bear to wait - - To decently inter the corpse ere carving the - estate; - - --All ready at the prayer’s “Amen” to scratch - and haul and claw - - With nails of jealous rancor and the talons of - the law. - - My brother, I’ve a notion, that it is sinful pride - - When we pose before the heathen as a highly - moral guide. - - For here in old New England are some capers - that would--hush!-- - - This is strictly on the quiet--put a savage to - the blush. - - You know that when a savage leaves his rela- - tives bereft, - - There isn’t any scrapping over what the heathen - left. - - They bury all his queer stone tools, his arrows - and his bow, - - They stuff his pack with grub for snack; put - in his wampum “dough;” - - They kill his horse and slay his dog and then - they sing a song, - - And kill off all his weeping wives and send - them right along. - - There’s no annoying probate court, no long, - litigious fuss, - - No lawyer’s fees, no family row, no will-de- - stroying cuss. - - The estate is executed in a brisk and thorough - style - - And though some certain features suit all right - a heathen isle, - - Some squeamish person might arise and prop- - erly complain - - There’s too much execution for adoption here - in Maine. - - So I’ll not commend the custom, yet I firmly - will abide - - In the notion that we have no right to pose as - moral guide - - To the heathen; for it’s evident, untutored - though they are, - - The heirs at least show manners in Borrioboola - Gha. - - -A. B. APPLETON, “PIRUT” - - Abbott B. Appleton went to the fair - - _(Sing hey! for the wind among his whiskers)_, - - Saw curious “dewin’s” while he was down - there - - ‘Mongst the gamblers, the sports and the frisk- - ers. - - He carried his bills in a wallet laid flat-- - - An old-fashioned calf-skin as black as your hat; - - He was feeling so well he was easy to touch-- - Then he hadn’t as much; no, there wasn’t as - much. - - He noticed a crowd’round a pleasant-faced - man - - Whose business seemed based on a curious plan; - He asked for a quarter from each in the crowd, - Put the coin in his hat, and he forthwith al- - lowed - - That simply to advertise he would restore - His quarter to each, adding three quarters - more. - - Now Abbott B. Appleton he did invest-- - Anxious to share in these spoils with the rest. - Man asked for ten dollars, and Abbott, said he: - “Why, sartin! And then we’ll git thutty back - free.” - - But the man who was running the charity - game - - Informed him it didn’t work always the same, - And Abbott B. Appleton got for his ten - A smile--and the man didn’t play it again. - Then Abbott, in order to make himself square, - Got after the rest of the snides at the fair. - - He hunted the pea, but he never could tell - When “the darned little critter” was under - the shell. - - He shot at a peg with a big, swinging ball, - Five dollars a shot--didn’t hit it at all. - - And he finally found himself “gone all to - smash,” - - With wisdom, a lot--and two dollars in cash. - - Abbott B. Appleton cursed at the fair - _(Sing fie! for a man who ’tended meetin’)_, - And he said to himself, “Gaul swat it, I swear - Them games is just rigged up for heatin’. - - I thought they was honest down here in this - town; - - I swow if I hadn’t I wouldn’t come down; - - But if cheatin’s their caper I guess there’s idees - That folks up in Augerville have, if ye please. - I’m a pretty straight man when they use me all - square, - - But I’m pirut myself at a Pirut-town fair. - - I won’t pick their pockets to git back that - dough, - - But I reckin’ I’ll giv’ ’em an Augerville show.” - - Abbott B. Appleton “barked” at the fair - _(Sing sakes! how the people they did gather)_, - And his cross-the-lot voice it did bellow and - blare - - Till it seemed that his lungs were of leather. - - He said that he had there inside of his pen - Most singular fowl ever heard of by men: - - “The Giant Americanized Cock-a-too,” - - With his feathers, some red and some white, - and some blue. - - He promised if ever its like lived before - He’d give back their money right there at the - door. - - Then he vowed that the sight of the age was - within. - - “’Twill never,” he shouted. “be seen here agin.. - ’Tis an infant white annercononda, jest brought - From the African wilds, where it lately was - caught. - - The only one ever heern tell of before, - - All wild and untamed, that far foreign shore.” - - Abbott B. Appleton raked in the tin. - - _(Sing chink! for the money that he salted.)_ - Then he opened the gates and he let ’em all in, - And then--well, then Abbott defaulted. - - It was time that he did, for the people had - found - - Just a scared Brahma hen squatting there on - the ground; - - Her plumage was decked in a way to surprise, - With turkey-tail streamers all colored with - dyes; - - And above, on a placard, this sign in plain - sight: - - “There’s nothin’ else like her. I trimmed her - last night” - - In a little cracked flask was an angle-worm - curled-- - - “Young annercononda, sole one in the - world.” - - And another sign stated, “He’s small, I sup- - pose, - - But if he hain’t big enough, wait till he grows.” - - And Abbott B. Appleton, speeding afar, - - Was counting his roll in a hurrying car, - - Saying still, “As a general rule I’m all square, - - But I’m pirut myself at a Pirut-town fair.” - - -NEXT TO THE HEART - - -WITH LOVE--FROM MOTHER - - There’s a letter on the bottom of the pile, - - Its envelope a faded, sallow brown, - - It has traveled to the city many a mile, - - And the postmark names a’way up country - town. - - But the hurried, worried broker pushes all the - others by, - - And on the scrawly characters he turns a glis- - tening eye. - - He forgets the cares of commerce and his anx- - ious schemes for gain, - - The while he reads what mother writes from - up in Maine. - - There are quirks and scratchy quavers of the - pen - - Where it struggled in the fingers old and bent, - - There are places where he has to read again - - And think a bit to find what mother meant. - - There are letters on his table that inclose some - bouncing checks; - - There are letters giving promises of profits on - his “specs.” - - But he tosses all the litter by, forgets the - golden rain, - - Until he reads what mother writes from up in - Maine. - - At last he finds “with love--we all are well,” - - And softly lays the homely letter down, - - Then dashes at his eager tasks pell-mell, - - --Once more the busy, anxious man of town. - - But whenever in his duties as the rushing mo- - ments fly - - That faded little envelope smiles up to meet - his eye, - - He turns again to labor with a stronger, truer - brain, - - From thinking on what mother wrote from up - in Maine. - - All through the day he dictates brisk replies, - - To his amanuensis at his side, - - --The curt and stern demands and business - lies, - - --The doubting man cajoled, and threat de- - fied. - - And then at dusk when all are gone he drops - his worldly mask - - And takes his pen and lovingly performs a wel- - come task; - - For never shall the clicking- type or shorthand - scrawl profane - - The message to the dear old home up there in - Maine. - - The penmanship is rounded, schoolboy style, - - For mother’s eyes are getting dim, she wrote; - - And as he sits and writes there, all the while - - A bit of homesick feeling grips his throat. - - For all the city friendships here with Tom and - Dick and Jim - - And all the ties of later years grow very, very - dim; - - While boyhood’s loves in manhood’s heart rise - deep and pure and plain. - - Called forth by mother’s homely words from - up in Maine. - - -THE QUAKER WEDDING - - Without, the summer silence lies-- - Within, the meeting-house is still; - - The hush of First Day hovers o’er - All human-kind on Quaker Hill. - - The tethered Dobbins doze and blink - In stolid calm beneath the shed; - - In First Day, Quaker attitude, - - With half-closed eyes and drooping head. - The cheeping birds, abashed and mute, - Have skittered off to search for shade. - - Just one lone roysterer, a bee, - Embarrassed at the noise lie’s made, - Whirrs up against a staring pane - And folds his wings and sits him down, - - To gaze with apiarian mirth - - On strange drab poke and shining crown. - - The elders sit in sober rows, - - Upon the long, prim, facing-seats; - - --Each visage like an iron mask; - - No look of recognition greets - The softened landscape out of doors. - - --The shimmer of the summer falls - On unresponsive eyes; The God - Of Nature all unheeded calls. - - Their half-veiled gaze droops coldly down, - Fixed on the dusty, worn, old floor, - Unnoting that the gracious Lord - Smiles in God’s sunshine at the door. - - The Spirit has not moved the tongue; - - Each contrite soul has conned its own; - And in the hush of silent prayer, - - Each worshipper has bent alone. - - And some are sad and some are stern - - And some are smug and others bow - As though, with furtive stealth, to hide - What conscience writes upon the brow. - - But hark! the Meeting lifts its eyes - And he who’s sitting at the head - Breaks on the hush with reverent tone: - - “If friends,” says he, “have planned to wed - ’Tis meet that now they do proceed.” - Forthwith upon the women’s side - A blushing youth stands forth in view - And with him shrinks his Quaker bride. - - With trembling hand in shaking palm, - - They face the Meeting’s awful hush, - - --No minister to question them, - - No kindly shield to hide a blush. - - Alone they stand, alone must they - Swear matrimony’s solemn oath; - - A hundred noses point their way, - - Two hundred eyes stare hard at both. - - Then twice and thrice the youth’s parched lips - Strive hard to frame the longed-for word; - And twice and thrice he tries again, - - Yet not a single sound is heard. - - There’s just an upward flash of eyes - Like starlight in a forest pool, - - --She may have said, “Take heart, dear - one!” - - --She may have said, “Go on, thou fool! - - His cheeks flush dark, his lips are gray, - His knees drum fast against the pew. - - But by a mighty gasp he speaks, - - The dry lips part, a croak comes through: - “Here in the presence of the Lord, - - And in the First-Day meeting, I - Take thee, my friend, Susannah Saul - To be my wife. My loving eye - Shall rest on thee, and till the Lord - Is pleased by death to separate - Our lives and loves, I’ll be to thee - An honest, faithful, loving mate.” - - As one an echo of a song - Thrums thinly on a single string, - - The Quaker maid in trembling tones - Vows to her lord to likewise bring - Love, truth and trust to grace their home. - Their voices cease and side by side - They stand abashed. One honest voice - Rolls out, “Amen;” the knot is tied. - - -THE MADAWASKA WOOING - - Petit Pierre of Attegat, - - --Peter, the Little, round and fat, - - Balanced himself on the edge of a chair - And gazed in the eyes of Father Claire. - Without on the porch, defiant sat - The prettiest maiden in Attegat. - - And here was trouble; for Zelia Dionne - Had vowed to the Virgin she’d be a nun; - But Peter, who loved her more than life, - Was fully as bound she should be his wife. - Yet as often as Peter pressed to wed - The pretty Zelia tossed her head. - - “I’m not for the wife of man,” she said. - - “I’ve dreamed three times our Mary came - And pressed my brow and spoke my name. - - I know she means for me to kneel - And take the vows at St. Basil.” - - Though Peter stormed, yet Zelia clung - To her belief and braved his tongue. - - “Je t’aime, mon cher,” she shyly said, - - And drooped her eyes and bent her head; - - “But when our Virgin Mother calls - A maiden to her convent walls, - - How shameless she to disobey - And follow her own guilty way!” - - “But dearest,” Peter warmly plead, - - “’Twould not be guilty if it led - To our own home and our own love! - - Our Holy Mother from Above, - - Will pardon us--I know she will--” - - And yet the maid responded still, - - “I dare not, Peter, disobey, - - And follow my own guilty way.” - - So thus it chanced that Zelia Dionne - Had vowed herself to be a nun. - - Though Peter teased for many a day - She pressed her lips and said him nay, - - And when he begged that she at least - Would leave the question to the priest, - Although she grudged her faint consent - As meaning doubt, at last she went, - Overpersuaded by Peter’s prayer, - - To take the case to Father Clair. - - Peter, the Little, of Attegat - Fumbled with trembling hands his hat, - - As breathlessly he tried to trace - - The thoughts that crossed the father’s face. - - “My son,” at length the priest returned, - - --How Peter’s heart within him burned-- - - “If truly by the maid the Queen - Of Most High Heaven hath been seen, - - --If only in her maiden dreams-- - - You must allow it ill beseems - My mouth to speak. It may be sin, - - For--well, my son, bring Zelia in!” - - She stood before him half abashed - Yet boldly, too;--her dark cheek dashed - With ruddy flame; for all her soul - Burned holily. For now her whole - Rich nature stirred. She was not awed - For had she not been called of God? - - And little Peter sat and stared - And marvelled how he’d ever dared - To lift his eyes to such a maid, - - Or strive to wreck the choice she’d made. - She told in simple terms the tale. - - “And do you wish to take the veil?” - - The father asked. “Think long, think twice - And never mourn the sacrifice.” - - She quivered, but she said, “I’ve thought; - Our Mary wills it and I ought.” - - “And can you gladly say farewell - To earth and love and friends; to dwell - With perfect peace nor ever sigh - - For things behind?” She said, “I’ll try.” - But even as she spoke the word, - - The old time love for Peter stirred; - - And mingling with her quick regret, - - There came a sob and Peter’s wet, - - Sad eyes peered at her through a rain - Of honest tears. She tried in vain - To choke her grief, but Zelia Dionne - Forgot her vow to be a nun, - - And crying, “Pierre, I love you best!” - - She flung herself upon his breast. - - A moment thus--and then in prayer - Both knelt before good Father Clair. - - “My daughter, did that vision speak - That night when motherly and meek, - - She pressed her hand upon thy brow? - - No? Then, my child, she spoke just now; - And in the promptings of thy heart - Her word is clear. My child, thou art - Blest in this choice, for that caress - Upon thy brow was but to bless - And not to call thee from thy choice. - - Depart in peace, wed and rejoice.” - - Peter, the Little, of Attegat, - - Clapped on his curls, his fuzzy hat, - - And clasping the hand of his promised bride - - He trudged back home with one at his side, - --No longer the self-vowed, mournful nun, - - But laughing, black-eyed Zelia Dionne. - - -THE SONG OF THE MAN WHO DRIVES - - Here’s a toast to the kings and the health of - the queens - - Of the echoing oval course; - - And a song of the steel that is forged for the - wheel - - And the hoof of the blue-blood horse! - - There’s the song of the steel that is forged for - the wars-- - - The song of the long, bright sword; - - The chant of the weapon the patriot draws - - In defence of his land, in support of its laws-- - - In the cause that his heart has adored. - - But the sword that is bared to the glint of the - sun, - - --Who knows when that sword will be - sheathed? - - For strife plunges hotly when once’tis begun, - - So the steel of the sword I forswear and I - shun, - - And the horrors its edge has bequeathed. - - No, I vaunt the honest circlet to a worthy use - applied-- - - The steel that flashes swiftly in the broad two- - minute stride; - - The steel that clinking hammers in the forges’ - clang and heat - - Have shaped with merry music for a trotter’s - twinkling feet. - - You may choose the glint of sabres or the gleam - of martial arms, - - As for me the vibrant flashing of those hoofs - has greater charms, - - As I ride the swaying sulky and we cleave the - singing air, - - And I hear the merry rick-tack of the trotting - of my mare. - - Now what are the prizes of war, my boy, - - Or the honors of kingdom and court - To a chap that’s contented with honester joy - Than desperate ventures that crush and de- - stroy - - In the din of the battlefield’s sport? - - I envy no prowess of warriors of old - Astride of a mail-clad steed. - - And I challenge the right of the furious might - That forces an innocent victim to fight - For human ambition or greed. - - But ho, for the rush of the steel-shod feet - - When the clink of the bright shoe rings-- - - When the flickering hoofs down the home- - stretch beat - - And I on the perch of the sulky seat - - Drive hard in the Sport of Kings. - - I pledge to you the honor of the ringing, sing- - ing course, - - When the tautened reins are throbbing with the - motion of the horse, - - When the glossy shoulders glisten with the - twitching muscles’ play, - - Beating time in swift staccato to the slender - sulky’s sway. - - Let the roaring stand go crazy as we finish at - the pole-- - - ’Tis no human acclamation that avails to stir - my soul, - - ’Tis the batter and the clatter of those hoofs - that ring and beat, - - ’Tis the rhythm and the music of those flashing - little feet-- - - ’Tis the sympathy between us, all a-quiver in - the reins, - - Till I almost feel the pulsing of the current in - her veins, - - And I have no eye or hearing for the vain ac- - claim of man - - When my heart and soul are throbbing with - her hoof-beats’ rataplan. - - To the king of the course! To the queen of - the track! . - - What matter their breeding or name? - - To all that have battled the second-hand back - - Here’s tribute in measure the same. - - Here’s a toast to the king and the health of the - queen, - - Who reign on the oval course, - - --To the stout, stout steel! forged true for the - wheel - - Or the hoof of the blue-blood horse. - - -THE OLD PEWTER PITCHER - - I festoon for Bacchus no chaplet of roses, - - I will vaunt not the vat--I’ve no homage for - wine; - - Panegyric of paint for convivial noses - Shall never find place in a lyric of mine. - Unseemly indeed were such rank exhibition - Of scorn for the statutes that seek to restrain, - By beneficent mandate of stern Prohibition, - - The lust for the grape in the good State of - Maine. - - So a truce to the bowl and its fervid excitement, - And down with the flagon, the goblet and - stein! - - My lyric exalts the more balmy enticement - Of a certain old humble companion of mine. - ’Tis addressed - With a zest - - Springing out of vague unrest - Stirring underneath my vest. - - I’m obsessed - By a guest - - Who has come at my behest - - From the misty days of boyhood, borne se- - renely in the van - - Of the friends that I’d forgotten in the cares - that grind the man. - - --You were just a pewter pitcher, a demure - and dull old pot-- - - With a yee-yaw to your nozzle like the grimace - of a sot. - - The knob upon your cover had a truly rakish - cant, - - Your paunch was apoplectic and your handle - had a slant - - Of a most.convivial nature. But despite your - seedy style - - Not a guest upon the threshold got a more - benignant smile - - Than when upon a platter, flanked by apples - and by pears, - - You rose splashing full of cider up the dark old - cellar stairs. - - I’m sure that the fruit that we sacrificed duly - Each fall to the cruel embrace of the press - - Had quaffed of the honey of Nature and truly - Deserved from her hand a more tender - caress. - - Pm sure that the sun kissed both fruit and the - flower - - With all the devotion his warm heart could - bring, - - Till Alcohol ceded his ominous power - And gall lost its bitter, the adder its sting, - - For though round and round went the old pew- - ter pitcher, - - And chucklingly filled for us horn after - horn, - - We never saw dragon, blue goblin or witch, or - Required a hoop for our heads in the morn. - - Here goes! - - Here’s to those - - Who sat and warmed their toes - - Drowning cares and frets and woes. - - No one knows - How memory glows - As I see that ancient nose - - Gleaming blandly in the circle of the friends of - long ago - - Within, the light; without, the night and the - wind and drifting snow. - - Then the dented pewter pitcher poured for us - its amber stream - - While the tinkling bubbles winked upon the - brink with dancing gleam, - - Ah, there was no guile within you as there were - no gauds without - - --Just a plain, old-fashioned fellow, with an - awful homely snout; - - And you never left us headaches and you didn’t - stir the bile, - - And no guest upon the threshold got a more - benignant smile - - Than when, upon a platter, flanked by apples - and by pears, - - You rose splashing full of cider up the dark old - cellar stairs. - - -OUR GOOD PREVARICATORS - - -OUR LIARS HERE IN MAINE - - There was Sinon, he of Troy, and Ulysses, too, - and Cain, - - Who preceded many centuries the liars here in - Maine. - - There was Gulliver, Munchausen, there was - Ananias, too, - - A very handsome job of it those gentlemen - could do. - - Yet look at Ananias! Why, his story knocked - him dead, - - But here in Maine the liar “does” the other - man instead. - - And Sinon, he of Troy, had to plan and build - his lie, - - But here in Maine the liar doesn’t even have - to try. - - For the pure prevarication comes cascading - down his lip - - And he never seems to falter or to stub his toe - and trip. - - And he walks abroad with honor, and no mortal - will arraign - - The pure and worthy motives of the liar here - in Maine. - - His strongest hold is fishing, and he fixes with - his eye - - The victim who must listen and who never - dares deny. - - Each river and pellucid pond, each brooklet and - each stream, - - Possesses fifty liars to preserve it in esteem. - - And he that owns a yaller dog, and he that - owns a hoss - - Will never see their laurels dimmed, if words - can add a gloss. - - ’Tis true the old inhabitant, narrating ancient - tales, - - Occasionally soars to heights where homely - language fails. - - So then, alas, he’s hampered some, but note - his kindling eye, - - And as he gets his second wind, observe how - he can lie! - - ’Tis no invidious charge I bring against this - worthy crew, - - We love the lies they tell to us and love the - liars too. - - They hold to truth in business deals, they’d - never lie to cheat; - - But when the “sport” comes down from town, - by gracious he’s their meat. - - They “torch” him up with narrative until his - fancy steams - - And swogons, yaps, and witherlicks go ramp- - ing through his dreams. - - For when our solemn ruminants describe the - olden times - - They stimulate a state of mind I can’t describe - in rhymes. -[Illustration: 0205] - - I pen this humble lyric and I bring a wreath of - bay, - - For the good prevaricators doing business down - this way. - - May their tongues be ever limber, and im- - agination free, - - With no interloping infidel to ask how such - can be. - - May the plug from which they nibble spice a - piquant, pungent tale, - - May words to paint the details of their fiction - never fail. - - Let the chips from which they whittle always - have an even grain, - - And we’ll challenge all creation with our liars - here in Maine. - - -THE BALLAD OF DOC PLUFF - - Doctor Pluff, who lived in Cornville, he was - hearty, brisk and bluff, - - Didn’t have much extry knowledge, but in - some ways knowed enough; - - Knowed enough to doctor hosses, cows an’ dogs - an’ hens an’ sheep, - - When he come to doctor humans, wal, he wasn’t - quite so deep. - - Still, he kind o’ got ambitious, an’ he went an’ - stubbed his toe, - - When he tried to tackle subjects that he really - didn’t know. - - Doc he started out the fust-off as a vet’rinary - doc, - - An’ he made a reputation jest as solid as a rock. - - Doct’rin’ hosses’ throats or such like, why, there - warn’t a man in town - - Who could take a cone of paper, poof the sul- - phur furder down. - - He could handle pips an’ garget in a brisk an’ - thorough style, - - An’ there wan’t a cow’t would hook him when - he give her castor ile. - - As V. S. he had us solid, but he loosened up his - hold - - When he doctored Uncle Peaslee for his reg’lar - April cold. - - Uncle Peaslee allus caught it when he took - his flannels off, - - For a week or two he’d wheezle, sniff an’ snee- - zle, bark an’ cough. - - An’ at last, in desperation, when the thing be- - came so tough, - - He adopted some suggestions that were made - by Doctor Pluff. - - Fust o’ March he started early an’ he reg’lar - ev’ry day - - From his heavy winter woolens tore a little - strip away. - - For the doc he had insisted that the change - could thus be made, -‘Cause the system wouldn’t notice such an easy, - steady grade. - - Walsir,’bout the last of April, Uncle Peaslee - he had on - - Jest the wris’ban’s an’ the collar--all the rest - of it was gone. - - Then--with Doctor Pluff advisin’--on a mild - an’ pleasant day, - - He took off the collar ‘n wris’ban’s, and he - throwed the things away. - - An’ in lesser’n thutty hours he was sudden - tooken down - - With the wust case of pneumony that we ever - knowed in town. - - An’ he dropped away in no time; it was awful - kind of rough, - - An’ we had our fust misgivin’s’bout the skill - of Old Doc Pluff. - - Reckoned that ’ere scrape would down him an’ - he’d stick to hens an’ cows, - - But he’d got to be ambitious, an’ he tackled - Irai Howes. - - Uncle Iral’s kind o’ feeble, but was bound to - wean a caff; - - Went to pull him off from suckin’ when the - critter’d had his haff. - - Caff he turned around an’ bunted--made him’s - mad’s a tyke, ye see-- - - An’ old Iral’s leg was broken, little ways above - the knee. -T’other doctor couldn’t git there’cause the - goin’ was so rough, - - So they had to run their chances and they called - on Doctor Pluff. - - Doc he found old Irai groanin’ where they’d - laid him on the bed, - - An’ he took his old black finger, rolled up Iral’s - lip an’ said, - - “Hay-teeth worn; can’t chaw his vittles! - Vittles therefore disagree, - - It’s as tough a case of colic as I think I ever - see.” - - Some one started then to tell him, but the doc - he had the floor, - - An’ he snapped ’em up so spiteful that the} - didn’t say no more. - - Then he wrinkled up his eyebrows, pursed his - lips as tight’s a bung, - - Pried apart old Iral’s grinders an’ says he, - “Le’s see your tongue.” - - “Why,” says he, “I see the trouble--you’ve - got garget of the blood, - - An’ if symptoms hain’t deceivin’, you have also - lost your cud.” - - “Blame yer soul,” groaned Uncle Irai, “can’t - ye see what’s ailin’ me? - - That ’ere leg is broke!” “Oh, sartin,” says - - the doc, “I see! I see!” - - Then he pulled off Iral’s trousers, an’ he spit - upon his fist, - - Grabbed that leg in good old earnest an’ com- - menced to twist an’ twist. - - Irai howled an’ yowled an’ fainted, then come - to an’ howled some more, - - He an’ doc they fit an’ wrassled on the bed an’ - on the floor. - - Doc, though, held him to the wickin’--let old - Irai howl an’ beg, - - Said he’d got to do his duty, straight’nin out - his blamed old leg. - - When the splints come off, though, later, wal- - sir, Irai was provoked, - - Hain’t surprised it made him ugly, for he sar- - tinly was soaked. - - Doc had set it so the kneejoint comes behind, - jest like a cow’s, - - An’’twould make ye die a-laughin’, would that - gait of Irai Howes’. - - If that case of Uncle Peaslee wasn’t damagin’ - enough, - - Bet your life that job on Irai made us shy of - old Doc Pluff. - - -THE BALLAD OF HUNNEMAN TWO - - Now this is the story of Hunneman Two, - - Old Hunneman Two from Andover town; - - --A tub with the likeliest, heftiest crew - That ever hoorayed in a hot break-’er-down. - And I’ll give you the facts, for if any one knows - It’s me who was Hunneman’s foreman of hose: - - Ev’ry feller we mustered was over six feet - And the gang that we brought to a fireman’s - meet - - They never was licked and they never was - downed, - - And a crowd up against us would likely get - drowned. - - Ev’ry man in the forty was six feet and more - And their shirts was the reddest that ever men - wore; - - Whenever they hollered they’d jump up a yard - And when they came down they came dreffully - hard. - - Ev’ry man had a trumpet and some of them - tew - - --And’twas safest to plug up your ears when - they blew. - - They’d ballast the tub with a cart-load of stone - And stuff her with sody ontil she would groan - Then they’d spit on their fists and would gaffle - that beam - - And whoop fa, la larry, my jinks what a - stream! - - ’Twas h’ist on the beam till your eyeballs gog- - gled, - - Hump-jump-pump! - - Give her the tar till her old sides woggled, - Pump-jump-hump! - - Down with the beam till it sartin would seem - - We were drowndin’ the sun in a hissin’, white - stream. - - Oh, there never was anything up with the crew - - That buckled the beam of old Hunneman Two. - - One time we were playin’ at Andover fair - - And old Uncle Boomer drove up with his mare. - - She cocked up an eye for to see the stream sail - - Then she up with her ears and her head and - her tail; - - And whoosh! she was off down the Bunganuck - road - - At as lively a clip as a mare ever hoed. - - Now the Bunganuck road it was right straight - away, - - And jest for a hector we started to play - - Right over the tailboard, right into his team, - - And we followed him up with old Hunneman’s - stream. - - We followed him one mile, we followed him - tew - - With the foreman a-swearin’ and all of the - crew - - A-breakin’ her down and a-crackin’ their heels - - Till we lifted her plum fair and square off the - wheels. - - We followed him three miles, we followed him - four - - --If he hadn’t shied off we’d a-followed him - more. - - Old Boomer got rheumatiz out of wet feet - - For we kept his old waggin full, clear to the - seat. - - ’Twas h’ist on the beam till your eyeballs gog- - gled, - - Pump-jump-hump! - - Give her the tar till her old sides woggled, - Hump-jump-pump! - - Down with the beam till it sartin would seem - - We were drownin’ the sun in a hissin’ white - stream. - - Oh, there never was anything up with the crew - - That buckled the beam of old Hunneman Two. - - -ORADUDOLPH MOODY, REPRESENTATIVE-ELECT - - Bring on your speechifyin’ runts, yes, bring - your biggest gun; - - Trot out your high-flown orators, we don’t bar - nary one. - - From Quoddy Head to Caribou, from there to - sassy York, - - Bring out your braggadosho chaps who think - that they can talk. - - We’ve got our man--don’t want no odds’nd - warn you fair and true - - So’t when the Legislatoor meets you’ll have - your men there, too. - - He’s jest a’goin’ to sweep the floor, we’ll have - you recollect, - - --Our Oradudolph Moody, reprusentertive- - elect. - - When Mister Moody rises up ’nd ’hams ’nd - clears his thro’t - - ’Nd loosens up his gallowses ’nd lays aside his - co’t, - - I guess he’ll fool the av’rage man, he looks so - cool ’nd carm, - - A-dribblin out his words ’nd wavin’ careless- - like his arm. - - But pretty soon that arm goes and quivers in - the air, - - His hand a-wrigglin’ up a-top, seems ’sif ’twas - spinnin’ there. - - It acts as sort of windmill, pumpin’ langwidge - I expect - - From Oradudolph Moody, reprusentertive-elect. - - When Oradudolph Moody speaks he has the - durndest knack - - Of windin’ up opponents so they never an- - swer back. - - When yearly meetin’ comes around he alwus - swings the town - - On anything he advocates from new school- - houses down. - - The elerquence just bubbles up without no - work at all, - - He almost mesmerizes everybody in the hall. - - ’Nd down there to Augusty you’ll parceive the - strange effect - - Of Oradudolph Moody, reprusentertive-elect. - - Magnetic! He’s a dynamo, his pulley never - slips, - - ’Nd eelectricity!--It runs right off his finger- - tips. - - We’ve tried to send him down before, but no, - he wouldn’t go; - - He said he had no time to fool with Legisla- - tors, so - - Our town ain’t never had a man to speak, ex- - cept Mulkearn, - - Who managed once to stutter out a motion to - adjourn. - - But now, by gosh jest set right back and wish- - fully expect - - Our Oradudolph Moody, reprusentertive- - elect. - - -TRIBUTE TO MR. ATKINS’S BASS VOICE - - E. Perley Atkins had a low--deep--bass. - The noise came out of his face, - - But the place - - Whence the sound sprung - And bubbled toward the bung, - - When he sung, - - To come lolloping up to his tongue, - - In long fortissimo hoots, - - Or staccato toots, - - --That place was suttin’ly down in his boots. - Omp, omp! - - That was the kind of a bass - - That oozed from the face - - Of E. Perley Atkins who lived in our place. - - He sung at all the paring bees, the quilting teas, - and parti-ees - - He sung at all the shindigees we had for miles - around. - - He opened his lip and let her rip and folks were - never obliged to tease, - - For he allowed - That he was proud - - As well as the rest of the awe-struck crowd - Of the deep, profundo timbre of that sound. - Boomp, boomp! - - He wended thus on his deep, bass way - Ready to omp, omp night or day. - - He sung in the choir Sunday forenoon - And an hour later furnished a tune - For the Sabbath school and the Bible class, - With a voice that was meller’n apple sass. - - At evenin’ meetin’ he came around - - Full to the neck with that cream-rich sound, - - And the way he would lead Coronation hymn - Would lift ye off’n your pew, by Jim. - - On Monday nights he had a call - To sing for the Maltys at Jackson’s Hall. - Tuesdays the Masons and Wednesdays he - Sung like blazes for the I. G. T. - - Thursdays, class-meetings, Fridays, sings - With Saturdays open for rackets and things. - - A busy week? Well, I guess, but wait, - - I mustn’t forget, my friend, to state - There warn’t no fun’ral for ten miles’round, - No dear departed tucked under ground, - - No mourners jammed in a settin’ room, - - Sozzled in grief and soaked in gloom, - - But Perley was there with his rich, cream bass - To trickle like salve on the wounded place. - And the tears would dry on each mourner’s - nose, - - They’d perk right up and forget their woes - And nudge each other and say, “Suz me, - - What a beautiful funeral voice that be.” - - And in time, though he sang for all who asked, - For saint and sinner, still he basked - In especial favor as one whose ease - And voice gave a tone to obsequies. - - It’s whispered around, and I guess it’s so - That when he hinted he thought he’d go - To Rome and Paris to train that bass, - - A widow and three old maids in the place, - - Who were living along, no man knew why, - Decided they’d hurry up and die. - - They just stopped breathing and died from - choice - - For the sake of having that funeral voice - Draw copious streams from the mourner’s eyes - And give them a send-off toward Paradise. - - --No man who’s monkeyed with bass B-flat - Got ever a compliment higher’n that. - - He sung at all the paring bees, the quilting teas, - the parti-ees, - - He sung at all the shindigees for twenty miles - around. - - He opened his lip and let her rip, - - Admirers had no need to tease, - - And he sprung a bass that joggled the roof and - fairly shook the ground. - - While the echoes of his “funeral voice” - - Made even the cherubim rejoice, - - As the melody pulsed against the skies - And ushered a soul into Paradise. - - -JIM’S TRANSLATION - - Couldn’t speak of nothin’ smart--no one strong - or spry-- - - ’Thout old Talleyrand B. Beals to grab right - in an’ lie! - - All the thing he’d talk about was chap by name - of Jim, - - Ev’ry story that he told was sort of hung round - him. - - --Said the critter’d worked for him twenty - years before, - - --Yarn at last it got to be the by-word down - t’ th’ store, - - When we’d hear of biggish things, “That,” - we’d say, “I swan, - - Beats tophet, taxes, time an’ tide an’ Bealses’ - hired man.” - - Beals, though, clacked right on an’ on; would - set an’ chaw an’ spit, - - An’ tell us’bout that hired man--couldn’t make - him quit! - - Champyun jump or heft or swim-- ’twas all the - same to him, - - He’d wait till all the rest had shot, then plug - the mark with Jim. - - Had to laugh the other day--boys were down - t’ th’ store, - - Talleyrand got started in--the dratted, deef - old bore! - - Silas Erskine’s boy spoke up--that’s Ez; wal, - Ez says he, - - “Say, Tal, what ever come o’ Jim?” Old - Beals uncrossed his knee, - - Said he, “A master cur’us chap, that Jim was, - I must say, - - --Seemed to like us fine as silk, but off he - went one day, - - --Went right off without a yip--didn’t take his - clothes; - - Hank’rin’ struck him all to once--couldn’t - wait, don’t s’pose. - - Didn’t even take his pay, which was some sur- - prise, - - --Prob’ly, though, a lord or dook, trav’lin’ in - disguise.” - - Beals he stopped an’ gnawed his plug; chawed - an’ chawed a while, - - Then Ben Haskell hitched around an’ smole a - sing’lar smile. - - “Told that hired man,” said he, “I’d never let - it out, - - Guess I’d better tell it, though, an’ settle all - this doubt. - - Want to say right here an’ now, to back up - Beals,” says Ben, - - “His Jim did sartin wear the crown amongst - all hired men.” - - S’prised us all when Ben said that,’cause he - us’al planned - - All the hector, tricks an’ jokes’t were put on - Talleyrand. - - Ben, though, kept right on his talk. Ben says, - then says he, - - “Here’s the secret how he went for I’m the man - that see. - - Happened down in Allen’s field day he disap- - peared, - - Jim came’crost the intervale; straight as H he - steered - - To’ards that silver popple tree; up that tree he - dim’, - - --Set there, sort o’ lost in thought, a-straddle - of a limb. - - Jest as I’d got underneath he sighed an’ took a - piece - - Of mutton taller--give his boots a heavy co’t - of grease, - - Greased his fingers nice an’ slick an’ then--an’ - then, I swear, - - Grabbed them boot-straps, give a pull an’ up - he went in air.” - - --Ought to heered us critters laugh--gre’t big - “Haw, haw, haw-w-!” - - Jason Britt he dropped his teeth, Erskine gulped - his chaw, - - Talleyrand jest set there grum--fin’ly snorted - “Sho! - - Think ye’re smart, ye pesky fool! Lemme tell - ye, though, - - ’Tain’t so thund’rin’ big a stretch ye made then - when ye lied, - - Bet ye Jim could lift himself, providin’ he had - tried. - - Stout? I see’d him boost a rock--” “Minit, - - Tal,” says Ben, - - “Hain’t got done my story yit! Jest ye wait - till then. - - --Soon’s I see’d that critter start, hollered - loud’s a loon, - - ’Jeero cris’mus, Jim,’ said I, ‘startin’ for the - moon?’ - - Jim looked down an’ said, says he, ‘Don’t - know where I’ll fetch, - - Ner care a rap so long’s I dodge old Beals, the - mean old wretch! - - Trouble is, consarn his soul, his feed has been - so slim - - I’ve fell away till northen’s left’cept clothes an’ - name o’ Jim. - - Reckin then I’ll h’ist myself,’cause, ye see, I’ve - found - - It’s blame sight easier raisin’ up than holdin’ - to the ground.’ - - “Then he give them straps a tug an’ up he went - from sight, - - --Stood an’ watched him till he growed to jest - a leetle mite! - - He’s the champyun hired man, sartin sure, be- - cause - - Critter went to Paradise, prob’ly jest’s he - was.” - - Talleyrand he got so mad he actyal wouldn’t - speak, - - Didn’t come t’ th’ store agin for more’n a solid - week. . - - Soon’s he edged around some more wa’n’t no - talk from him - - ’Bout no hired men, you bet! Clack was shet - on Jim. - - -ELIPHALET JONES--INVENTOR - - Inventor Jones--Eliphalet Jones, - - Ah, he was the fellow for schemes! - - Though critics might carp and his rivals throw - stones, - - They never vexed Uncle Eliphalet Jones, - - Or troubled his radiant dreams. - - He calmly asserted that every day - One hundred inventions, or so, came his way; - They flocked through his mind in such myriad - rout - - He hadn’t the leisure to figure them out. - - But he said if a fellow should chase him around - With a pencil and notebook’twould surely be - found - - That projects prolific were shed from his brain - As a wet bush, when shaken, will scatter the - rain. - - When he plowed, when he hoed, when he - sowed, when he mowed - He was steadily throwing off load after load - Of notions, he stated--each notion a mint - For the chap who would take and develop the - hint. - - But Eliphalet Jones--Eliphalet Jones - Was so busy with farmwork and clearing off - stones, - - So busy with milking and errands and chores - He scattered inventions by dozens and scores - With a liberal hand, but with barren effect, - For they dried on the cold, arid sands of - neglect. - - But for all he forgot he would cheerfully say - There were always as many the very next day. - And he figured it up; though enormous it - seems - - He had fashioned and fired some ten thousand - schemes. - - Now, out of that number a limited few - Eliphalet tackled and engineered through; - - A few little notions right out of his head - To help out the farmwork, he carelessly said. - One patent, a holder to hitch a cow’s tail - So she couldn’t keep swatting the man with the - pail; - - A few dozen scarecrows of hellish design, - - Real impish constructions to jig on a line - That was jerked by a water-wheel down in the - brook; - - All the horses that passed, if they got a good - look - - Tumbled down stiff and dead or else, frantic - with fear, - - Kicked the wagon in bits and spun’round on - one ear. - - And he rigged a contrivance by which ev’ry - morn - - His old Brahma rooster descending for corn, - Stepped down on a lever that flipped up a lock - - And down came the fodder in front of the - stock. - - Still, these were but puerile notions beside - - The thing that he hoped for--his spur and his - pride, - - His climax of schemes ere he went back to - dust-- - - For he vowed that he’d fathom the secret or - “bust;” - - That if motion perpetual ever could be - - Discovered by mortal, that man should be he. - - So he fussed with his springs and his wee-jees - and wings - - And all sorts of queer little duflicker things, - - And he builded queer whiz-a-jigs, then with a - frown - - He ruthlessly, scornfully cuffed them all down. - - Well, the years hurried by, as the years surely - will, - - But Eliphalet Jones he was confident still, - - For he constantly vowed that some thingumy - spring - - Put somewhere “would settle the dad-ratted - thing.” - - Yet the years skittered past and his head was - snow-white - - And he almost had solved it, but never “jest - quite;” - - So the neighbors employed some satirical tones - - When they chanced to refer to Perpetual Jones. - - But hail to his name and remember his fame! - - At the last--at the last, friends, he won the - great game! - - He died at the birth of his triumph,’tis true, - - And he left only words--yet I give them to - you, - - Convinced they’re a gift to the world, without - doubt, - - Or will be as soon as the thing is worked out. - - He sat in his chair by the window one day - - While his grandson was out with a puppy at - play; - - And the boy hitched some meat to the tail of - that pup, - - Then he gave him a twirl and the puppy “gee- - ed up,” - - And he spun and he spun and he spun and he - spun - - Just as fast at the last as when he begun, - - But the tail and the meat ever kept just ahead - - Of the clamorous jaws as the puppy dog sped. - - “There she is,” cried Eliphalet, “darned if she - ain’t! - - There’s perpetual motion!” and pallid and faint - - He fell prone and dying. They lifted him up - - And his eyes, glazed with death, looked their - last on that pup. - - And through the dark shade of mortality’s fog - - He gasped, “All you need is the right kind of - dog.” - - Inventor Jones--Eliphalet Jones, - - Ah, he was the fellow for schemes; - - Though critics might carp and his rivals throw - stones - - They never vexed Uncle Eliphalet Jones, - - Or troubled his radiant dreams. - - -THE PANTS JEMIMY MADE - -[Illustration: 0231] - - Aunt Brown--Jemimy Brown-- - - Was a spinster, spinner-weaver of merited re- - nown; - - Our town set it down - - As a fact beyond disputing there was never - any suiting - - Like the suiting that was made by Spinster - Brown. - - She raised the wool she made it of, she even - raised the sheep, - - She fed ’em on the toughest straw the hired - man could reap - - She spun the thread with double-twist and - made a warp and woof - - So tarnal tough it really seemed’twas almost - bullet-proof. - - And when the cloth was shrunk and dyed and - ready for a suit - - The men in town would almost fight, they’d - get in such dispute - - Concerning who had spoken first--the farthest - in advance-- - - And therefore had the prior claim on Aunt - Jemimy’s pants. - - The cloth that folks make nowadays is slimpsy, - sleazy stuff; - - It’s colored up in fairish style and fashionable - enough! - - But blame the goods! It’s made to sell--it - isn’t made to wear-- - - These trousers here I’ve worn five year, and - that is merely fair. - - But when you bought a cut of cloth of Aunt - Jemimy’s weave, - - You got some stuff to last you through, you’d - better just believe! - - Why, ’bout the time that modern pants are get- - ting worn and thin - - A pair of Aunt Jemimy’s pants were scarcely - broken in. - - I’ve got a pair up attic now, made forty years - ago - - They’re just as tough as iron still and Time - has made no show. - - They’ve stood the brunt of honest work and - dulled the tooth of moth, - - And there they stand, as stiff’s a slab, good, - plain, old-fashioned cloth. - - And so I think it’s only right that tribute - should be paid - - To those old sturdy pioneers--the pants Je- - mimy made. - - The day I first put on those pants I held a - break-up plough-- - - The farmers of these later days don’t have - such wrassles now; - - I drove six oxen on ahead, a pretty hefty team, - - For farming in those old, old days took mus- - cle, grit and steam; - - You didn’t stop for rocks and stumps, nor - dodge and skive and skip, - - Or else you’d have to lug your meals on ev’ry - furrow’s trip, - - And so the only thing to do was make the oxen - tread - - And hold the ploughshare deep and true, and - plunk ’er straight ahead. - - So back and forth and back and forth I - ploughed and ploughed that day; - - I tackled ev’ry rock and snag that dared dispute - my way, - - Until the only critter left was one old maple - stump, - - And I?--I gave the team the gad--and took - ’er on the jump! - - She split in halves and through I went, but - back she slapped, ker-whack, - - And gripped Jemimy’s pantaloons right where - she’d left the slack. - - The team was going double-quick--the oxen - plunged along-- - - I held the old oak handle-bars, I gripped ’em - good and strong-- - - And there I was, the living link’twixt stump - and plough, because - - The cloth it stuck there good and tight between - those maple jaws. - - Jemimy never planned on that, in making pants - for me; - - She made ’em solid, yet of course she gave no - guarantee - - That they would stand a yank like that--but - still I clung and yelled, - - Those oxen plunged and tussled and--Je- - mimy’s pants, they held! - - And the stump came out a-kicking, roots and - dirt and stones and all, - - But those pants weren’t even started by that - most tremendous haul, - - And to prove this ’ere is truthful, should some - scoffer cast a doubt, - - I have saved the chips and hewings where they - came and chopped me out. - - Aunt Brown--Jemimy Brown-- - - Was a spinster, spinner-weaver of merited re- - nown; - - Our town set it down - - As a fact beyond disputing there was never - any suiting - - Like the suiting that was made by Spinster - Brown. - - -BALLADS OF “CAPERS AND ACTIONS” - - -BALLAD OF ELKANAH B. ATKINSON - - Elkanah B. Atkinson’s tarvun was run - On a plan that was strictly his own; - - And he “reckoned that dudified sons of a gun” - Would far better leave him alone. - - He allowed that he always had plenty to eat - For folks that liked vitt-u-als plain; - - An’ when ye came down to pettaters and meat - His house was a credit to Maine. - - The garding truck they raised themselves, - They killed their pork; and the but’ry shelves - Jest fairly groaned with jells and jams; - - --In a shed out back they smoked their hams. - And old Elkanah used to brag - They laid down pickles by the kag; - - And they had the darndest hens to lay - --Got fifty eggs most ev’ry day-- - - And ev’ry egg was big’s your fist - And fresher’n a whiff of mountain mist. - - The whole blamed house it used to shake - When old Elkanah pounded steak, - - For he used to say what made meat tough - Was ’cause some cooks warn’t strong enough. - - And he piled the grub right on sky-high: - Soup and meat and fish and pie - --All the courses on first whack-- - - And then Elkanah he’d stand back - And say: “There, people, now hoe in; - - When ye’ve et that grub, pass up ag’in; - - Of course we hain’t no big hotel, - - But some few things, why, we dew well.” - - P. Mortimer Perkins came down from New - York, - - --A salesman for corsets and things; - - With his trousers all creased and a lah-de-dah - walk, - - As if he were jiggered by strings;-- - Arrived at the Atkinson tarvun one night - And says to Elkanah, says he: - - “I want to be called just as soon as it’s light, - For I’m going first train, don’t ye see. - - It’s very important I go by first train, - - But I find in these country hotels - The service ye get gives a fellah a pain - --They don’t even answer the bells. - - Now I want to be called for that train, me good - man, - - For it’s very important I go; - - Now weally, old chappie, please see if you can - Just do a thing right once, y’ know- - - Ye may call me at four, and at half after four - I’ll bweakfast; now recollect, please! - - Before I wetire I’ll tell you once more; - - --You’ll get the idea by degwees.” - - Elkanah B. Atkinson lowered his specs - To the very tip-end of his nose; - - Says he: “When a feller he really expec’s - To go by that train, wal--he goes. - - Jest fall right asleep and don’t worry a mite; - - This hain’t -no big city hotel, - - But we’ll git ye to goin’ termorrer all right, - For there’s some things we dew fairly well.” - - Elkanah B. Atkinson sat all night - And kept the office fire bright. - - He nodded some and yawned and smoked, - - And at half-past three he went and poked - The kitchen fire; then pounded steak - And set potatoes in to bake. - - Started the coffee and all the rest - And then went up to call his guest. - - Bangity, whang! on the cracked old door! - Whangity, bang! It checked a snore. - - P. Mortimer Perkins opened his eyes - In the cold dark dawn with much surprise, - - And under the coverlet warm and thick - On the good, old-fashioned feather tick, - - Felt the cold on his nose like a frosty knife - - And was never so sleepy in all his life. - - But still bang, whang on the cracked old door! - And Elkanah shouting, “Mos’ ha’f-pas’ four!” - But the louder the old man pounded and yapped - The more the drummer garped and gapped. - - At last says he: “Is it stormy--oh-h-h?” - - “Wall,” says Elkanah, “she’s spittin’ snow.” - - P. Mortimer Perkins snuggled down - - And says he, “This isn’t a blamed bad town; - - I say, old man, now please go’way, - - I’ve changed my mind, and I guess I’ll stay.” - Elkanah B. Atkinson then says he: - - “This changin’ minds is a bad idee; - - I’ve set in that office there all night - So’s I could git ye up all right. - - An’ breakfus’ is on, an’ the coffee’s hot; - - Now, friend, ye can go on that train or not, - But I tell ye now, right off- the reel, - - Ye’re goin’ to git up and eat that meal.” - [Illustration: 0241] - - P. Mortimer Perkins cursed and swore, - - But Elkanah slammed right through that door, - And he pulled that drummer out of bed - And brandished a chair’round over his head; - He poked his ribs and made him dress - So sleepy still that his gait cut S - As he staggered down to the dining-room - And ate his meal in the cheerless gloom, - While over him stood the grim old man - With a stick and a steaming coffee can. - - “Now, mister,” allowed Elkanah, “sence - It’s a special breakfus’ it’s thutty cents.” - When the feller paid, as meek’s a pup, - - And stuttered “Now, can I be put up?” - “Why, sartin, mister,” Elkanah said; - - “Ye can go to tophet or back to bed; - - There hain’t hard feelin’s, no, none at all, - But when a feller he leaves a call - At the Atkinson House for an early meal, - He gits it served right up genteel, - - An’ when it’s served, wal, now you bet - There hain’t no peace till that meal’s been et. - Of course we hain’t no big hotel, - - But some few things we dew quite well.” - - -BALLAD OF OBADI FRYE - - ’Twas a battered old, double-B, twisted bass - horn, - - With a yaw in the flare at its end; - - A left-over veteran, relic forlorn - Of the halcyon days when a band had been - born - - To the village of Buckleby Bend. - - The band was dismembered by time and by - death - - As the years went a-scurrying by, - - And only one player was left with his breath - - And that was old Obadi’ I. - - P. Frye. - - Old Obadi’ Isaac Pitt Frye. - - With a glow in his eye - - He would plaintively try - - To puff out the tune that they marched to at - training; - - But the tremolo drone - - Of the brassy old tone - - Quavered queerly enough with his scant breath - remaining. - - Ah, the years had been many and bent was his - back, - - And caved was his chest and departed his - knack; - - So, though he was filled with musicianly pride - - And huffed at the mouthpiece and earnestly - tried - - To steady his palsied old lip and control - - The old-fashioned harmonies stirring his soul-- - - There was nothing in Buckleby quite so for- - lorn - - As the oomp-tooty-oomp of that old bass horn. - - To the parties and sociables, quiltings and sings - They invited old Obadi’ Frye; - - He’d give ’em doldrums of old-fashioned - things - - With occasional bass obligato for strings - --Or at least he would zealously try. - - The minister coaxed him to buy a cornet - And chirk up a bit in his tune, - - But none could induce him to ever forget - His love for that old bassoon, - - Whose tune - - Was the solace of life’s afternoon. - - So he’d splutter and moan - With his thin, gusty tone - But his empty old lungs balked his anxious en- - deavor. - - He hadn’t the starch - For a jig or a march, - - And with double-F volume he’d parted forever. - For he hadn’t the breath for a triple note run, - ’Twas a whoof and a pouf! and alas, he was - done; - - But the pride of his heart was that old double- - bass, - - He was happy alone with its lips at his face. - - So he sat in his old leather chair day by day - And whooped the one solo he’d power to play, - - An anthem entitled, “All Hail Christmas - Morn,” - - As rendered by gulps on an old bass horn. - - “All hail--hoomp--hoomp--bright Christmas - morn, - - Hail--hoomp, hoomp--hoomp--fair - - hoomp--hoomp--dawn; - Turn--hoomp--hoomp, eyes - - Hoomp--hoomp, - - HOOMP--skies, - - When--hoomp--hoomp, - - hoomp--H O O M P--born.’’ - - While a-tooting one morning his breath flick- - ered out - - With a sort of a farewell purr; - - Of course there are many to scoff and to scout, - But’twas sucked by that cavernous horn with- - out doubt, - - At least, so the neighbors aver. - - They laid him away in the churchyard to rest - And with grief that they sought not to hide, - They placed the old battered B-B on his breast - And that Christmas hymn score by his side-- - - His pride, - - ‘Twas the tune that he played when he died. - - Now, who here denies - That far in the skies - - He is probably calmly and placidly winging; - That his spirit new-born - With his score and his horn - Takes flight where the hosts are triumphantly - singing. - - Yet it irks me to think that he’s far in that - Land - - With only the score of one anthem in hand. - For the music Above must be novel and - strange-- - - Too intricate far for that double-B range, - - But at last when the Christmastide rings in the - skies - - There’ll be some queer quavers in fair Para- - dise, - - For an humble old spirit will calmly allow - “I reckin I’ll give ’em that horn solo now.” - Up there we are certain there’s no one to carp - Because Obadiah won’t tackle a harp-- - Seraphs and cherubs will hush their refrain - When a new note of praise intermingles its - strain, - - And he’ll add to the jocund delight of that - morn - - With his anthem, “All hail,” on that old bass - horn. - - “All hail--hoomp--hoomp--bright Christmas - morn, - - Hail--hoomp, hoomp--hoomp--fair - - hoomp--hoomp--dawn; - Turn--hoomp--hoomp, eyes - - hoomp--hoomp, - - HOOMP--skies, - - When--hoomp--hoomp, - - hoomp--HOOMP--born.” - - -AT THE OLD FOLKS’ WHANG - - Flappy-doodle, flam, flam--whack, whack, - whack! - - Balance to the corners and forward folks and - back; - - Gaffle holt an’ gallop for an eight hands round, - - While the brogans and the cowhides they pessle - and they pound;- - - No matter for the Agger providin’ there’s the - time. - - Jest cuff’er out and jig’er;--jest hoe’er down - and climb! - - No matter’bout your toes or corns; let rheu- - matiz go hang, - - For we’re weltin’ out the wickin at the old - folks’ whang. - - --At the old folks’ whang - Hear the cowhides bang, - - When we “up and down the center” at the old - folks’ whang. - - Yang, tangty, yee-yah!--yang, yang, yang! - - Old Branscomb plays the fiddle at the old folks’ - whang; - - And he puts a sight o’ ginger in the chitter of - the string, - - --It isn’t frilly playin’ but he makes that fiddle - sing. - - He slashes out promis’cus, sort o’ mixin’ up - the tune, - - --Takes the _Irish Washerivoman_, slams’er up - agin _Zip Coon_; - - And he _Speeds the Plough_ a minute, then he’ll - sort o’change his mind - - And go off a-gallivantin’ with the _Girl I left - Behind._ - - Oh, he mixes up his music queerest way I ever - saw, - - For he shifts the tune he’s playin’ ev’ry time - he shifts his chaw; - - But we never mind the changes for he keeps us - on the climb, - - --He may twist the tune a little but he’s thun- - der on the time! - - So line up and choose your pardners--we’re - the old ones out for fun, - - You’ll forgit your stiff rheumaticks jest as soon - as you’ve begun. - - ’Course we ain’t so spry and spiffy as we used - to be, but yet - - We can show them waltzy youngsters jest a - thing or two, you bet. - - We will dance the good old contras as we used - to years ago, - - Jest as long as Uncle Branscomb has the - strength to yank the bow. - - There is no one under sixty--we’ve shet out - the youngster gang - - And we’re goin’ to welt the wickin’ at the old - folks’ whang. - - --At the old folks’ whang - Hear the cowhides bang, - - When we canter up the center at the old folks’ - whang. - - -IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD - - O, the sleddin’s gettin’ ragged and it’s dodge - and skip and skive, - - Till it’s jest an aggravation for to try to start - and drive. - - Fust to this side, then to t’other--here some - ice and there some snow, - - --Just continyal gee and holler; fust “Gid- - dap,” and then it’s “Whoa!” - - Takes a half a day to git there, round by way - o’ Robin Hood; - - Like as not ye’ll bust your riggin’ haulin’ out - your hay and wood. - - ’Tain’t no way o’ doin’ bus’ness; ’tain’t no - way to haul a load, - - --You must do your hefty haulin’ in the mid- - dle of the road. - - If ye want to keep a-hoein’ - - Better wait for settled goin’, - - For twice the heft goes easy in the middle of - the road. - - O, in dealin’s with your neighbors, brother, - sure as you’re alive, - - It’s better to go straight ahead and never skip - or skive. - - For the man who keeps a-dodgin’ back and - forth across the way - - Like enough will find his outfit in the gutter, - stuck to stay. - - Till the road is clear and settled, till with can- - dor in your heart - - You can see your way before you, guess ye - hadn’t better start; - - For to get there square and easy; and to lug - your honest load, - - You’ll find it’s best to travel in the middle of - the road. - - --So’s to make an honest showin’ - Better wait for settled goin’, - - Then, s’r, hustle brisk and stiddy in the mid- - dle of the road. - - -DRIVIN’ THE STAGE - - Drivin’ the stage, - - Oh, drivin’ the stage, - - With the wind fairly peelin’ your hide with its - aidge! - - Jest got to git through with the’Nited States - mail - - For the contract provisions don’t have the - word “Fail.” - - So it’s out and tread drifts while the snow - howls and sifts - - For a dollar a trip--and no extrys--no gifts. - - For them star-route contractors they figger it - fine - - And take it right out of the chaps on the line. - - They set in an office and rake in their slice - - While the drivers are tusslin’ the snow and the - - ice. - - It may howl, it may yowl, it may snow, it may - blow - - But that’Nited States mail, wal, it jest has to - go. - - So it’s out and unhitch, leave the pung where - it’s stuck, - - Lo’d the bags on the hosses and then, durn ye, - huck! - - And it’s waller and struggle, walk stun’-walls - and rails - - For they don’t stand no foolin’--them’Nited - States mails. - - And at last when ye git there, jest tuckered - and beat, - - And sling in the bags and crowd up to the - heat, - - The gang round the stove they don’t give ye - no praise - - But set there and toast themselves’side of the - blaze; - - And ev’ry old, wobble-shanked son of a gun - - Sets up there and tells ye how he would have - done! - - --If there’s any one job gives your temper an - aidge, - - It’s drivin’ the stage, - - --It’s drivin’ the stage. - - -“DOC” - - In his big, fur coat and with mittens big as - hams, - - With his string of bells a-jingling, through the - country side he slams. - - There are lots of calls to make and he’s always - on the tear, - - A-looming in his cutter like an amiable bear. - - And it’s hi-i-i, there! - - Johnny don’t ye care, - - Though’tis aching something awful and is - most too much to bear. - - Just--be--gay! - - As soon as it is day, - - That pain will go a-flyin’, for the doctor’s on - the way. - - There are real, true saints; there are angels all - around, - - But there isn’t one that’s welcomer than he is, - I’ll be bound. - - When he bustles in the bed-room and he dumps - his buff’ler coat, - - And sticks a glass thermometer a-down the - suff’rin throat. - - And it’s chirk, cheer up! - - Mother, bring a cup! - - You’re going to like this bully when you take - a little sup. - - There--there--why, - - There’s a twinkle in your eye! - - You’ll be out again to-morrow, bub; gid-dap, - gid-dap, good-bye! - - -ANOTHER “TEA REBELLION” - - When Mis’ Augusty Nichols joined the Tufts - Minerva Club, - - She polished up on manners and she then com- - menced to rub - - At the hide of Mister Nichols who, while not - exactly rude, - - Was hardly calculated for a howling sort of - dude. - - Now when Augusty Nichols got to see how - style was run, - - You bet she went for Nichols and she dressed - him down like fun; - - And the thing in all his actions that she couldn’t - bear to see - - Was to have him fill his saucer and go whoof- - ling up his tea. - - After more’n a month of stewing;--making - mis’able his life, - - She taught him not to shovel all his vittles - with his knife. - - And after more’n a volume of pretty spicy talk - - She got him in the hang of eating pie with just - his fork. - - She trained him so’s he didn’t slop the vittles - round his plate, - - She plagued him till he wouldn’t sit in shirt- - sleeves when he ate, - - And then she tried her Waterloo, with faith in - high degree - - That she could revolutionize his way of drink- - ing tea. - - He drank it as his father always quaffed the - cheering cup, - - He poured it in his saucer, raised the brimming - puddle up - - And gathered in the liquid with a loud re- - sounding “Swoof” - - That now at last inspired Mrs. Nichols’ fierce - reproof. - - But here was where the victim--ah, here was - where the worm - - Arose and fairly scared her by the vigor of his - squirm, - - --Sat down his steaming saucer and with a - dangerous light - - A-gleaming in his visage, he upbore a Yan- - kee’s right. - - From the days of Boston’s party up to now I - think you’ll see - - That a Yankee’s independent when you bother - with his tea. - - “Consarn your schoolmarm notions,” thun- - dered Mrs. Nichols’ spouse, - - “You’ve kept a’dingin’ at me till I’m meechin - round the house. - - I’ve swallered that and t’other for I didn’t like - to row - - But ye ain’t a-going to boss me in the thing - ye’ve tackled now. - - I’m durned if I’ll be scalded all the time I’m - being stung - - So I’ll cool my tea, Mis’ Nichols, while ye jab - me with your tongue.” - - There are rights ye cannot smother, tyrants, - whoso’er ye be, - - And the good, New England Yankee’s mighty - touchy, sir, on tea. - - -“LIKE AN OLD COW’S TAIL” - - When I was a youngster and lived on the farm - It sickened my heart--did that morning alarm! - When dad came along to the foot of the stairs - And summoned me back to my duties and - cares; - - --Put all of my glorious visions to rout - With “Breakfast is ready! LP h’ist out there, - h’ist out!” - - And when I came yawningly, sleepily down, - My eyes “full of sticks” and my face all - a-frown, - - I got for a greeting this jocular hail, - - “Wal, always behind like an old cow’s tail.” - - I’ll own to you, neighbor, that work on the - farm - - Had features not wholly surrounded by charm. - And when I am fashioning lyrical praise - For matters bucolic of earlier days, - - You’ll note that my lyre, sir, operates best - When I tune up and sing of the blessings of - rest. - - I’ve stood in the stow-hole and “tread” on the - load, - - And waltzed with a bush scythe and worked - on the road, - - But somehow or other the language won’t - spring - - When prowess of muscle I venture to sing. - - But when I am piping of “resting” or fun - - Or lauding the time after chores are all done, - - Why, somehow--why, blame it, as sure as - you’re born, - - I mentally feel that my trolley is on! - - And a trolley, you know, would be certain to - fail, - - Unless’twas behind like an old cow’s tail. - - -PASSING IT ALONG - - The elephant he started in and made tremen- - dous fuss - - Alleging he was crowded by the hippopotamus; - - He entertained misgivings that the earth was - growing small, - - And arrived at the conclusion that there wasn’t - room for all. - - Then the hippo got to thinking and he was - frightened too - - And so he passed the word along and sassed the - kangaroo. - - The kangaroo as promptly took alarm and - talked of doom - - And ordered all the monkeys off the earth to - give him room. - - And the monkeys jawed the squirrels and the - squirrels jawed the bees, - - While the bees gave Hail Columby to the - minges and the fleas, - - --In the microscopic kingdom of the microbes, - I will bet - - That word of greedy jealousy is on its travels - yet; - - All just because the elephant got scared and - made a fuss - - Alleging he was crowded by the hippopotamus. - - -A SETTIN’ HEN - - When a hen is bound to set, - - Seems as though ’tain’t etiket - Dowsin’ her in water till - She’s connected with a chill. - - Seems as though ’twas skursely right - Givin’ her a dreadful fright, - - Tyin’ rags around her tail, - - Poundin’ on an old tin pail, - - Chasin’ her around the yard. - - --Seems as though ’twas kind of hard - Bein’ kicked and slammed and shooed - ’Cause she wants to raise a brood. - - I sh’d say it’s gettin’ gay - Jest’cause natur’ wants its way. - - --While ago my neighbor, Penn, - - Started bustin’ up a hen; - - Went to yank her off the nest, - - Hen, though, made a peck and jest - Grabbed his thumb-nail good and stout, - Almost yanked the darn thing out. - - Penn he twitched away and then - Tried again to grab that hen. - - But, by ginger, she had spunk - ’Cause she took and nipped a junk - Big’s a bean right out his palm, - - Swallered it, and cool and calm - Hi’sted up and yelled “Cah-dah,” - - --Sounded like she said “Hoo-rah.” - - Wal, sir, when that hen done that - Penn he bowed, took off his hat, - - --Spunk jest suits him, you can bet, - - “Set,” says he, “gol darn ye, SET.” - - -BALLAD OF DEACON PEASLEE - - There was Uncle Ezry Cyphers and Uncle - Jonas Goff, - - And Deacon Simon Peaslee, with his solemn - vestry cough; - - Mis’ Ann Matilda Bellows and Aunt Almiry - Hunt, - - --At all the social meetings they performed - their earnest stunt. - - They were strong in exhortation, and pro- - foundly entertained - - The belief that talking did it if a Heavenly - Home were gained. - - So they rose on Tuesday evening, at Friday - meeting, too, - - And informed their friends and neighbors what - the sinners ought to do; - - They explained the route to Heaven and ex- - horted all to go - - In the straight and narrow pathway through - the blandishments below; - - They were good and they were earnest, but, - alas, a little tame, - - For month by month and year by year their - talks were just the same, - - Until the folks who’d listened all those many - years could start - - And declaim those exhortations, for they had - ’em all by heart. - - And those old folks talked so constant there - was scarcely time to sing, - - For they just let in regardless and monopolized - the thing. - - Now, benign old Parson Johnson died at last. - There’s scarcely doubt - - That those prosy dissertations sort of wore - the old man out. - - And he promptly was succeeded ere the church - had dried its tears - - By a cocky, youthful pastor, who was full of - new ideas. - - Now, he sized the situation ere he’d been in - town a week, - - And he set to work to fix it by a plan that was - unique, - - For he saw unless he did so--and the Lord - allowed them breath, - - Those devoted saints would surely talk that - wearied church to death. - - So he came to Tuesday meeting and upon his - desk he placed - - A nickeled teacher’s call-bell and blandly then - he faced - - An astonished congregation and explained he - thought it best - - To condense the exhortations so as not to - crowd the rest; - - For he said that in the worship all the members - ought to share, - - And monopoly of talking by the elders wasn’t - fair; - - Therefore, each could have five minutes, and - he’d ring to let each know - - When ’twas time to cut the discourse and give - t’other one a show. - - There were scowls from Uncle Ezry--there - were grunts from Uncle Goff, - - And Deacon Simon Peaslee gave a scornful - vestry cough. - - Then he laid his cane beside him and he strug- - gled to his feet - - And commenced his regular discourse in re- - gard to tares and wheat. - - He was scarcely fairly going on the punish- - ments of hell - - When the pastor smiled and nodded and ding- - clink-ling went the bell! - - All the old folks gasped in horror and a titter - soft and low - - Ran along the youthful sinners who were back - on Devil’s Row; - - And for just a thrilling instant Deacon Simon - lost his force, - - With astonished jaws a-gaping--then continued - on his course. - - To the pastor’s youthful visage swept a sudden - flush of wrath, - - As the obstinate old deacon brushed him calmly - from his path, - - And with all the college muscle that he had at - his command - - The parson cuffed the call-bell with a swift - and steady hand. - - There was riot in the vestry--deacon vieing - with the bell, - - As he strove to paint the terrors of the hot, - John Wesley hell, - - Till at last he balked and stuttered, gasped a - while and tried to speak, - - Then sat down with tears a-dropping through - the furrows on his cheek. - - There he bent in voiceless anguish with his old - gray head bowed low, - - While the hushed and pitying people mourned - to see him grieving so; - - And the parson left the platform and contritely - crept across - - To the side of Deacon Simon and expressed his - deep remorse. - - But the deacon raised his visage, and, with tears - still streaming down, - - Glared upon his trembling pastor with a fierce - and scornful frown. - - “Drat yer hide,” roared Deacon Simon, “do - ye think that leetle bell - - Scart a warrior sech as I am out of talking - truths on hell? - - ’Tain’t no passon sets me down, sah! ’Tain’t - no bell ye ever saw, - - But ye went and got me narvous and ye’ve - made me eat my chaw.” - - Then the deacon, stern and angry, arm in arm - with Jonas Goff, - - And with Uncle Cyphers trailing, stalked in - righteous dudgeon off, - - And the sympathizing parish held a meeting - there and then, - - And extolled the absent deacon as the most - abused of men; - - And the parson’s walking papers hit his neck - below the jaw - - In about the same location that the deacon lost - his chaw. - - -THE WORST TEACHER - - _That teacher was the worst we ever tackled, - - He warnt so very tall, and he was light. - - --It is best to lay your egg before you’ve - cackled, - - Though we never had a notion he could fight._ - - He acted sort of meechin’ when he opened up - the school, - - --We sort of got the notion he was “It”-- - and we tagged gool, - - We gave him lots of jolly in a free and easy - way, - - And showed him how we handled guys as got - to acting gay. - - We showed him where the other one had torn - away the door - - When we lugged him out and dumped him in - the snow the year before. - - And soon’s we thought we’d scared him, we sat - and chawed and spit, - - And kind o’ thought we’d run the school--con- - cludin’ he was “It.” - - It worked along in that way, sir, till Friday - afternoon. - - --We hadn’t lugged him out that week, but - ’lowed to do it soon. - - That Friday,’long about three o’clock, he said - there’d be recess, - - And said, “The smaller kids and girls can go - for good, I guess.” - - And he mentioned smooth and smily, but with - kind of greenish eyes, - - That the big boys were requested to remain - for exercise. - - And when he called us in again he up and - locked the door, - - Shucked off his co’t and weskit, took the mid- - dle of the floor, - - And talked about gymnastys in a quiet little - speech, - - --Then he made a pass at Haskell, who was - nearest one in reach. - - ’Twas hot and stiff and sudden and it took him - on the jaw, - - And that was all the exercise the Haskell feller - saw. - - Then jumpin’ over Haskell’s seat, he sauntered - up the aisle, - - A-hittin’ right and hittin’ left and wearin’ that - same smile. - - And when a feller started up and tried to hit - him back, - - ’Twas slipper-slapper, whacko-cracker, whango- - bango-crack!! - - And never, sir, in all your life, did you see - flippers whiz - - In such a blame, chain-lightnin’ style as them - ’ere hands of his. - - And though we hit and though we dodged--or - rushed by twos and threes, - - He simply strolled around that room and licked - us all with ease. - - And when the thing was nicely done, he - dumped us in the yard, - - He clicked the padlock on the door and passed - us all a card. - - And this was what was printed there: “Pro- - fessor Joseph Tate, - - Athletics made a specialty and champion mid- - dleweight.” - - _That teacher was the worst we ever tackled, - - He warn’t so very tall and he was light. - - --It is best to lay your egg before you’ve - cackled, - - Though we never had a notion he could fight._ - - -THE TUCKVILLE GRAND BALL - - Origen Dickerson called the figgers - - With a voice like a cart ex that needed some - grease. - - He and his partner would fiddle like niggers - - For supper an’ dollar an’ fifty apiece. - - With forty couple upon the floor-- - - There wasn’t an inch for no one more, - - We done the honors for all three towns - - At the high, old Tuckville spanker-downs. - - Yeak, yawk, - - Grab for your pardners! - - Yawk, yawk, - - Wo’ hi-i-ish inter line! - - Yankity, yump-de, - - Yankity, yah-h de! - - --For a fife and two fiddles that music was - fine. - - And we pelted the floor and sashayed through - the door, - - And balanced to pardners and sashayed some - more. - - And when we got orders to “all hands - around!” - - Warn’t half of the girls that could stay on the - ground. - - For-rud and back! Wo’ haw, there, to Ella. - - Wo’ buck inter line and balance to Grace. - - Grab holt o’ hands, there, and swing by yer - feller, - - Clek--clek, gid-dap-along, git inter place. - - And the dust would rise and the lamps would - shake - - Till ye’d think their chimblys was goin’ to - break. - - For we’tended to dancin’ right up brown - - At a high old Tuckville spanker-down. - - Squeak, squawk, - - Pick out yer feller! - - Raw-w-wk, raw-w-wk, - - Form on your set! - - High-deedle, do-o-o de, - - High-deedle, dah-h-h-de! - - We swung by the waist in them dances, you - bet. - - There wasn’t kid slippers, there wasn’t tight - boots, - - There wasn’t silk dresses, there wasn’t dude - suits, - - There wasn’t no banquet--ten dollars for two-- - - But a good brimmin’ bowlful of hot oyster - stew. - - We’d darnce twenty numbers and all the en- - cores, - - --Get home in the mornin’’bout time for the - chores-- - - And all the next day the work was like play, - - The girls doin’ housework would waltz and - sashay; - - The boys would astonish the stock in the yard - - By forgettin’ and yellin’, “Hi, all promunard!” - - Hi-i-i, yah-h-h! - - Ladies to center, there! - - Hi-i-i, yah-h-h! - - Balance ye all! - - Wo’ hi-ish up the middle, bear down on the - fiddle, - - By ginger,’twas fun at the Tuckville Grand - Ball. - - -THE ONE-RING SHOW - - The street parade was gorgeous and the show - was mighty fine - - --Them fellers on the trick trapeze was cork- - ers in their line, - - And all the lady riders was as pretty as they’re - made, - - And kept the climate fully up to ninety in the - shade. - - The chaps that did the tumbling acts and every - funny clown - - Was just as slick an article as ever came to - town. - - I’ve got to tell yon, neighbor, that it all was up - in G, - - Including all the things I saw and what I - didn’t see. - - But though I did a master sight of rubber- - neckin’’round, - - A-lookin’ here and gawpin’ there, why, gra- - cious, me, I found - - From what the folks have told me since, I - missed the finest things, - - --I hadn’t eyes and neck enough for all them - three big rings. - - And honest, if 1 had my choice, I’d good deal - ruther go - - To just a good, old-fashioned sort of hayseed, - one-ring show. - - The people used to gather when Van Amburgh - came to town - - With a lion and an elephant, a camel and a - clown. - - There wasn’t “miles of splendor,” as the cir- - cus programs say, - - But folks got up at daylight, drove in early in - the day; - - And they perched along the fences while the - dozen carts or so - - Came trailin’ through the village with the old - Van Amburgh show. - - It wasn’t just “stupendous,” but the people - didn’t jeer - - And say it wasn’t up to what the circus was - last year! - - O, no, they crunched their peanuts and they - took things as they’d come, - - And heard a lot of music in the rump-rump of - the drum. - - For things, you know, seemed fresher in the - days when we were young, - - And tinsel passed for solid stuff when lady - riders sprung - - Through papered hoops, or danced and frisked - upon their charger’s rump - - And vaulters spun to dizzy heights with one - jer-oosly jump. - - They did those ding-does master fine some - twenty years ago - - And you never missed a wiggle at a one-ring - show. - - I won’t pick flaws with modern ways of doing - all these things, - - For folks have got to living on the gauge of - three big rings. - - But while the whirl is going on, it seems, my - friend, to me - - That half of what goes past your nose is things - that you don’t see. - - And when the angel cries, “All done,” and - when the lights go out, - - You’ll jostle to the dark Beyond amidst a diz- - zied rout. - - And life that’s lived at three ring pace I fear - will only seem - - A useless sort of patchwork thing--a mixed- - up fruitless dream. - - Why wasn’t “father’s way” the best? Though - there was less array, - - Though men had less of creeds and cults than - what they have to-day, - - The old folks then from Life’s great tent went - slowly thronging out - - With calm, well-ordered years behind, unvexed - by care or doubt. - - And though in old Van Amburgh’s days the - thing moved rather slow, - - You didn’t sprain your moral neck in looking - at Life’s Show. - - -THE SWITCH FOR HIRAM BROWN - - That Hiram Brown he come to school and - brung in seven ticks; - - He picked them off his father’s sheep--jes’ like - his dratted tricks! - - One day that critter put a toad right in our - teacher’s chair, - - She squatted down--and then got up! And - warn’t she mad for fair? - - He brung in crawly bugs and things, a mouse - and onct a rat, - - An’ then he sort o’ wound things up with - suthin’ wusser’n that. - - The teacher cotched him that time, though, and - my! she combed him down - - An’ I was sent to cut the switch that walloped - Hiram Brown. - - Them ticks was in a pill-box doctor left when - Bill was sick, - - An’ they was measly lookin’ things;--say, - j’ever see a tick? - - While we was readin’ testermunt Hi stirred - ’em with a pin, - - --We all was wond’rin’ what he’d got, for he - was on the grin. - - Then when the teacher turned her back, Hi - made for Ozy Blair - - An’ turned the whole blamed seven ticks right - loose in Ozy’s hair. - - Then Ozy had a spasm fit like what he’s sub- - jick to; - - He squalled and clawed and bumped around till - he was black an’ blue. - - An’ teacher took her fine-toothed comb an’ - raked an’ scraped his head, - - --It come nigh bustin’ up the school that way - that he raised Ned! - - The teacher made us all set up as stiff and - straight as sticks, - - An’ then says she, all raspy-like, “Who was it - brung them ticks?” - - We couldn’t help it--swow to man!--We - looked at Hiram Brown - - An’ Hi he set there redd’nin’ up and sort o’ - lookin’ down. - - An’ teacher sniffed an’ then she scowled an’ - giv’ her sleeves a twitch, - - An’ turned to me an’ then says she, “Ike, go - an’ cut a switch.” - - ’Twas dretful nice outdoors that day--it set a - feller wishin’ - - That he could cut an’ run from school an’ put - his time in fishin’. - - ’Twas one them soft’nin’ sort of days an’ while - I was a-pickin’ - - A switch, it come acrost me what a shame to git - a lickin’ - - On such a mighty pleasant day. So I shinned - up a tree - - An’ cut a slimpsy popple switch that wouldn’t - hurt a flea. - - Then I went in--there teacher was, a-waitin’ - by the door, - - The scholars set as still as death an’ Bill stood - in the floor. - - But how they snickered when they see that - dinky little switch, - - --The teacher broke it up on me an’ giv’ my - ear a twitch, - - Says she, “You try that on agin, you’ll - - git it - worse, you clown! - - Now go, an’ see’f you know enough to cut - that switch for Brown.” - - Seems’s if it warn’t so nice outdoors. It kind - o’ stirred my mad - - To divvy up that way with Hi--‘Cause ’twasn’t - me ’twas bad! - - Says I, “By jing, I’ll even up.” I took my - biggest blade - - An’ cut a switch that, honest true, it almost - made me ’fraid. - - I didn’t trim it very dus’--by snummy, I felt - wicked, - - I left the knobs all stickin’ out--an’ some of ’em - was pick-ed. - - I passed ’er in. The teacher she ker-wished it - through the air, - - An’ Hi he shivered; ’twas enough to fairly - curl his hair. - - She fixed her hairpins so’s her pug it couldn’t - tumble down, - - An’ then says she, like bitin’ nails, “Take off - your coat, Hi Brown.” - - Then Hiram Brown he got right down an’ - begged an’ teased an’ prayed, - - She hit him once--an easy clip--an’ then he - fairly brayed. - - He acted out in master style;--why, sence he’s - come of age - - He’s makin’ money like all sin, play-actin’ on - the stage. - - Our teacher was an easy mark--the tender - hearted kind-- - - When Hiram got to takin on she went and - changed her mind. - - Says she, “You’ve been a naughty boy but if - you now repent - - I’ll spare the rod but punish you in this way.” - Jee, she went - - An’ sent that Hi acrost the room to sit with - Helen Dean, - - The girl I liked the best in school; an’ Hi was - jest serene! - - That warn’t the wust, for after school he licked - me like the deuce - - Because I left them knobs all on. Oh, thun- - der, what’s the use - - Of tryin’ to be good, sometimes? I know it’s - wicked talk - - To intimate that vice may ride when virtue has - to walk; - - To hint that folks of honest ways but moderate - in wits - - May have their noses rubbed in dirt by rascal - hypocrites, - - But truly, friends, it does appear that only mar- - tyrs’ crowns - - Are passed to worth down here on earth;--the - rest to Hiram Browns. - - -THE JUMPER - - Ba gor! J jomp an’ jomp all tam’ - - Bot jos’ can’t halp dat--dere she am! - - Cos’ w’en som’ fellaire he say “Boo!” - Morgee! I jomp an’ holler, too. - - Long tam’,’way back ma broder, Joe, - - Hav’ gon’roun’ house, an’ off she go. - - --Go bang, r-rat clos’ op side ma ear; - - Sence w’en I ac’ dis way--dat queer! - - I tak’ med’ceen--don’t geet som’ cure. - - Gass I got jomp-ops now for sure. - - An’ mos’ all tam’ som’ son er gon - T’ink mak’ me jomp--wal, dat ban fon. - - I’ll tal yo’ wan t’ing dat ban true-- - - Las’ spreeng dey beeld dat r-ra’ltrack t’rough - R-rat pas’ ma house, an’ w’at yo’ s’pose? - - Dem ra’ltrack fellaires, wal, he goes - Sot pos’ for whees-el side ma door, - - An’ den--wal, p’rap I didn’t swore! - - Wan tra’n com’ pas’ long jos’ ’bout noon, - - An’ go “whoot-toot!” Wal, bamby, soon, - Wa’n’t no whol’ deeshes ’round--for why? - ’Cos’, sacre, I jomp op sky-high - An’ keeck dat table’roun’ dat plac’ - - An’ lat som’ howl com’ off ma face. - - Dat vife he skeer mos’ near on death, - - An’ all dem shildreen hoi’ deir breath - For saw deir fadder ac’ lak’ dat - An’ geeve dose dinnaire wan beeg slat. - - An’ wan tra’n she go pas’ on night, - - Long ’bout de tarn’ I sle’p mos’ tight. - - An’ w’en she whees-el, “Whoot-too-too!” - I jomp lak’ wil’ cat, I tal you. - - I heet ma vife gre’t beeg hard slams - An’ black her eye mos’ seexteen tarn’s. - - Till las’ she go off sle’p down stair, - - --She say I worse as greezly bear, - - Bot w’at yo’ t’ink? I swore dis true, - - I nevaire know w’at t’ing I do. - - Wal, w’en t’ings geet bos’ op dat way, - - I ban saw ra’ltrack boss wan day. - - I tal heem ’bout I poun’ ma vife, - - --Can’t halp dat t’ing for save ma life-- - An’ he--he blor-rt, lak’ wan gre’t caff, - - An’ lean way back an’ laff an’ laff. - - I don’t saw nottin’s dere for fon - ’Bout havin’ dat ol’ ra’ltrack ron - Op pas’ ma house an’ hav’ dem car - Male’ me bos’ op ma home, ba gar! - - I tol’ heem dat bam-by dat soun’ - - Ban mak’ me keeck dat whol’ house down. - - “I’ll tal yo’ w’at,” say he bam-by, - - --He wap’ hees eye off lak’ he cry-- - - “I’ll tol’ yo’ w’at dees ro’d weell do: - We’ll send op our construckshong crew, - We’ll beeld, to show dat we hain’t mean, - Wan good, beeg cage an’ pot yo’ een.” - - Ba gar! Dat all I geet off heem! - - --I weesh dey not fin’ out dat steam! - - -ISHMAEL’S BREED - - Horde of the Great Unwashed! Hobo and - moucher and bum, - - Vag and yag and grafter and tramp, we care- - lessly go and come. - - Of the morrow we take no heed, no care infests - the day, - - Plenty of gump and a train to jump--a grip on - the rods and away! - - To the grab for the gear of greed we give no - thought or care, - - We own with you the arch of blue--our share - of God’s good air; - - --A coin to clear the law, a section of rubber - hose - - To soften the chafe of the truss and rod--our - portion of cast-off clothes; - - And ours the world--the world! a heritage - won by right, - - --By tacit deed to the nomad breed with the - taint of the Ishmaelite. - - Some from the wastes of the sage-brush, - some from the orange land, - - Some from “God’s own country,” dusty and - tattered and tanned. - - Wherefore? ’Tis idle to tell you--you’d - never understand. - - Hither and fro, - - We come--we go, - - Old Father Ishmael’s band. - - Yags-will sometimes walk, a tramp will hit the - grit, - - But a hobo never will count the ties so long as - he keeps his wit. - - There’s the truss of the Wagner freight, the - rods and the jolting truck, - - You can grab and swing at the yard-line post - if you’ve muscle enough and pluck. - - There’s the perch of the pilot, too, where you’re - target for lumps of coal, - - For a shack or a fireman never thinks we’ve - either nerves or soul. - - If you’ve taken the full degrees and have cov- - ered the “Honey Route,” - - Have fired a rock at the “Fox Train crew,” and - knocked a Doughface out, - - You are man for the king-pin act! Here’s hop- - ing you have success - - When you risk your neck on the smoke-swept - “deck” of the Limited Express. - - Some from the slopes of the Rockies, some - from the Ogden route, - - Where the meek old Mormon matrons hand - the milk and honey out, - - --West and south and northward--and - t’other way about, - - On tank and wall, - - You’ll find the scrawl - Of the tramp’s monarka-scout. - - Taint of the nomad’s blood! God, if we could - but burst - - From the thrall of vags and drop our rags and - cleave to the best--not worst! - - Each day on a town’s main-drag, as we’re - flaggin’ some house for prog, - - The smile of a child or a maiden’s face will give - our hearts a jog. - - And I--yes, even I, have flicked at a sudden tear - - And have turned my back on Smoky Jack lest - he see the thing and jeer. - - Spur of the nomad’s taint! Back to the ring- - ing rails - - That coaxingly curve to the far unknown! - Confusion to courts and jails! - - The “goat” is coughing the grade; grab for - the rods, there, Jack, - - Look out for your grip, for a bit of a slip will - toss you to grease the track. - - Bound for the Greasers’ sage-brush, under - the roaring train, - - Decking the fast expresses from Texas north - to Maine, - - Grimy and tattered and blinded, Ishmael’s - blood our bane, - - We ride--we ride, - - To hope denied, - - Cursed with the curse of Cain. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Pine Tree Ballads, by Holman F. 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Day</title> - <meta content="pg2html (binary v0.17)" /> - <link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg" /> - <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> - - body { margin:15%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} - P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } - H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } - hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} - .foot { margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 5%; text-align: justify; font-size: 80%; font-style: italic;} - blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} - .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} - .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} - .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} - .xx-small {font-size: 60%;} - .x-small {font-size: 75%;} - .small {font-size: 85%;} - .large {font-size: 115%;} - .x-large {font-size: 130%;} - .indent5 { margin-left: 5%;} - .indent10 { margin-left: 10%;} - .indent15 { margin-left: 15%;} - .indent20 { margin-left: 20%;} - .indent30 { margin-left: 30%;} - .indent40 { margin-left: 40%;} - div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } - div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } - .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} - .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} - .pagenum {position: absolute; right: 1%; font-size: 0.6em; - font-variant: normal; font-style: normal; - text-align: right; background-color: #FFFACD; - border: 1px solid; padding: 0.3em;text-indent: 0em;} - .side { float: left; font-size: 75%; width: 15%; padding-left: 0.8em; - border-left: dashed thin; text-align: left; - text-indent: 0; font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; - font-weight: bold; color: black; background: #eeeeee; border: solid 1px;} - .head { float: left; font-size: 90%; width: 98%; padding-left: 0.8em; - border-left: dashed thin; text-align: center; - text-indent: 0; font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; - font-weight: bold; color: black; background: #eeeeee; border: solid 1px;} - p.pfirst, p.noindent {text-indent: 0} - span.dropcap { float: left; margin: 0 0.1em 0 0; line-height: 0.8 } - pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} - -</style> - </head> - <body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Pine Tree Ballads, by Holman F. Day - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - -Title: Pine Tree Ballads - Rhymed Stories of Unplaned Human Natur' up in Maine - -Author: Holman F. Day - -Release Date: August 11, 2017 [EBook #55342] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PINE TREE BALLADS *** - - - - -Produced by David Widger from page images generously -provided by the Internet Archive - - - - - - -</pre> - - <div style="height: 8em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h1> - PINE TREE BALLADS - </h1> - <h3> - Rhymed Stories of Unplaned Human Natur’ Up in Maine - </h3> - <h2> - By Holman F. Day - </h2> - <h4> - Boston: Small, Maynard & Company - </h4> - <h3> - 1902 - </h3> - <p> - <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0001" id="linkimage-0001"> </a> - </p> - <div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> - <img src="images/0001.jpg" alt="0001 " width="100%" /><br /> - </div> - <h5> - <a href="images/0001.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> - </h5> - <p> - <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0002" id="linkimage-0002"> </a> - </p> - <div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> - <img src="images/0006.jpg" alt="0006 " width="100%" /><br /> - </div> - <h5> - <a href="images/0006.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> - </h5> - <p> - <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0003" id="linkimage-0003"> </a> - </p> - <div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> - <img src="images/0007.jpg" alt="0007 " width="100%" /><br /> - </div> - <h5> - <a href="images/0007.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> - </h5> -<pre xml:space="preserve"> - TO THE HONORABLE - - JOHN ANDREW PETERS, LL.D. - - FORMER CHIEF JUSTICE OF - THE SUPREME JUDICIAL COURT OF MAINE - - I DEDICATE THIS VOLUME - - IN MEMORY OF MANY YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP - AND IN SINCERE APPRECIATION - OF THE JURIST AND WIT - WHO HAS IN ALL DIGNITY - EVER TURNED A SMILING FACE TOWARD HIS MAINE - THAT HAS SMILED LOVINGLY BACK AT HIM -</pre> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <p> - <b>CONTENTS</b> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_FORE"> FOREWORD </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> PINE TREE BALLADS </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> OUR HOME FOLKS </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> FEEDIN’ THE STOCK </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0005"> JOHN W. JONES </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0006"> DEED OF THE OLD HOME PLACE </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0007"> OUR HOME FOLKS </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0008"> THANKSGIVIN’ JIM </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0009"> “OLD POSH” </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0010"> THE SUN-BROWNED DADS OF MAINE </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0011"> “HEAVENLY CROWN” RICH </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0012"> OLD “FIGGER-FOUR” </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0013"> PHEBE AND ICHABOD </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0014"> WHEN OUR HERO COMES TO MAINE </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0015"> UNCLE TASCUS AND THE DEED </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0016"> SONGS OF THE SEA AND SHORE </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0017"> TALE OF A SHAG-EYED SHARK </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0018"> THE GREAT JEEHOOKIBUS WHALE </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0019"> “AS BESEEMETH MEN” </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0020"> THE NIGHT OF THE WHITE REVIEW </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0021"> THE BALLAD OF ORASMUS NUTE </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0022"> THE DORYMAN’S SONG </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0023"> WE FELLERS DIGGIN’ CLAMS </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0024"> DAN’L AND DUNK </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0025"> THE AWFUL WAH-HOOH-WOW </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0026"> SKIPPER JASON ELLISON </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0027"> BALLADS OF DRIVE AND CAMP </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0028"> THE RAPO-GENUS CHRISTMAS BALL </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0029"> BALLADS OF DRIVE AND CAMP </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0030"> WHEN THE ALLEGASH DRIVE GOES THROUGH </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0031"> THE KNIGHT OF THE SPIKE-SOLE BOOTS </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0032"> ’BOARD FOR THE ALLEGASH” </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0033"> THE WANGAN CAMP </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0034"> PLUG TOBACCO AT SOURDNAHUNK </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0035"> O’CONNOR FROM THE DRIVE </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0036"> JUST HUMAN NATURE </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0037"> BALLAD OF OZY B. ORR </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0038"> THE BALLAD OF “OLD SCRATCH” </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0039"> WHEN ’LISH PLAYED OX </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0040"> OLD “TEN PER CENT” </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0041"> DIDN’T BUST HIS FORK </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0042"> MEAN SAM GREEN </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0043"> DICKERER JIM </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0044"> BALLAD OF BENJAMIN BRANN </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0045"> THE HEIRS </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0046"> A. B. APPLETON, “PIRUT” </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0047"> NEXT TO THE HEART </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0048"> WITH LOVE—FROM MOTHER </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0049"> THE QUAKER WEDDING </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0050"> THE MADAWASKA WOOING </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0051"> THE SONG OF THE MAN WHO DRIVES </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0052"> THE OLD PEWTER PITCHER </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0053"> OUR GOOD PREVARICATORS </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0054"> OUR LIARS HERE IN MAINE </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0055"> THE BALLAD OF DOC PLUFF </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0056"> THE BALLAD OF HUNNEMAN TWO </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0057"> ORADUDOLPH MOODY, REPRESENTATIVE-ELECT </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0058"> TRIBUTE TO MR. ATKINS’S BASS VOICE </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0059"> JIM’S TRANSLATION </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0060"> ELIPHALET JONES—INVENTOR </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0061"> THE PANTS JEMIMY MADE </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0062"> BALLADS OF “CAPERS AND ACTIONS” </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0063"> BALLAD OF ELKANAH B. ATKINSON </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0064"> BALLAD OF OBADI FRYE </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0065"> AT THE OLD FOLKS’ WHANG </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0066"> IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0067"> DRIVIN’ THE STAGE </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0068"> “DOC” </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0069"> ANOTHER “TEA REBELLION” </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0070"> “LIKE AN OLD COW’S TAIL” </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0071"> PASSING IT ALONG </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0072"> A SETTIN’ HEN </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0073"> BALLAD OF DEACON PEASLEE </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0074"> THE WORST TEACHER </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0075"> THE TUCKVILLE GRAND BALL </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0076"> THE ONE-RING SHOW </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0077"> THE SWITCH FOR HIRAM BROWN </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0078"> THE JUMPER </a> - </p> - <p class="toc"> - <a href="#link2H_4_0079"> ISHMAEL’S BREED </a> - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_FORE" id="link2H_FORE"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - FOREWORD - </h2> - <p> - |T<i>HESE are plain tales of picturesque character-phases in Maine - Yankeedom from the Allegash to the ocean. These are the men whose hands - are blistered by plow-handle and ax, or whose calloused palms are gouged - by the trawls. Their heads are as hard as the stones piled around their - acres. Their wit is as keen as the bush-scythes with which they trim their - rough pastures. But their hearts are as soft as the feather beds in their - spare-rooms. </i> - </p> - <p> - The frontispiece to this volume is from a photograph of “Uncle Solon” - Chase, the widely known sage of Chase’s Mills in Andros-coggin county. - </p> - <p> - In Greenback days he won national fame as “Them Steers” and his quaint - sayings have traveled from the Atlantic to the Pacific. There is no man in - Maine who better typifies the homespun humor, honesty, and intelligence of - Yankeedom. The picture opposite page 126 is from a photograph of the late - Ezra Stephens of Oxford county, famed years ago as “the P. T. Barnum of - Maine.” He originated the dancing turkey, the wonderful bird that appears - in the story of “Ozy B. Orr.” - </p> - <p> - In another picture is shown “Jemimy” at her old loom and beside her are - the swifts and the spinning wheel. The pictures illustrating “Elkanah B. - Atkinson” (a poem commemorating a real episode in the life of Barney - McGonldrick of Cherry field Tavern) and “John W. Jones” are character - studies that will appeal to those who are acquainted with Maine rural - life. - </p> - <p> - The thanks of the author and of the publish-ers are due to The Saturday - Evening Post of Philadelphia, The Youth’s Companion, Ainslee’s Magazine, - and Everybody’s Magazine, for permission to include in this volume verses - which originally appeared in their columns, copyrighted by them. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h1> - PINE TREE BALLADS <br /><br /> - </h1> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h1> - OUR HOME FOLKS <br /><br /> - </h1> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - FEEDIN’ THE STOCK - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Hear the chorus in that tie-up, runch, ger- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - runch, and runch and runch! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —There’s a row of honest critters! Does me - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - good to hear ’em munch. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When the barn is gettin’ dusky and the sun’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - behind the drifts, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Touchin’ last the gable winder where the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dancin’ hay-dust sifts, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When the coaxin’ from the tie-up kind o’ hints - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - it’s five o’clock— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Wal, I’ve got a job that suits me—that’s the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - chore of feedin’ stock. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We’ve got patches down to our house—honest - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - patches, though, and neat, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But we’d rather have the patches than to skinch - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on what we eat. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Lots of work, and grub to back ye—that’s a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - mighty wholesome creed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Critters fust, s’r, that’s my motto—give the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - critters all they need. ‘ - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the way we do at our house, marm and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - me take what is left, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And—wal,—we ain’t goin’ hungry, as you’ll - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - notice by our heft. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Drat the man that’s calculatin’ when he meas- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ures out his hay, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Groanin’ ev’ry time he pitches ary forkful out - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the bay; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Drat the man who feeds out ruff-scuff, wood - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and wire from the swale, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Cause he wants to press his herds’-grass, send - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his clover off for sale. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Down to our house we wear patches, but it - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ain’t nobody’s biz - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jest as long as them ‘ere critters git the best of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hay there is. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When the cobwebs on the rafters drip with - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - winter’s early dusk - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the rows of critters’ noses, damp with - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - breath as sweet as musk, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Toss and tease me from the tie-up—ain’t a job - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that suits me more - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Than the feedin’ of the cattle—that’s the reg’- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lar wind-up chore. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When I grain ’em or I meal ’em—wal, there’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - plenty in the bin, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I give ’em quaker measure ev’ry time I - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dip down in; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the hay, wal, now I’ve cut it, and I own - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - it and it’s mine - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I jab that blamed old fork in, till you’d - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - think I’d bust a tine. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I ain’t doin’ it for praises—no one sees me but - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the pup, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —And I get his apperbation, ‘cause he pounds - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his tail, rup, rup! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No, I do it ‘cause I want to; ‘cause I couldn’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sleep a wink, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - If I thought them poor dumb critters lacked for - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fodder or for drink. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And to have the scufflin’ barnful give a jolly - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - little blat - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When you open up o’ mornin’s, ah, there’s com- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fort, friend, in that! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And you’ve prob’ly sometimes noticed, when - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his cattle hate a man, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That it’s pretty sure his neighbors size him up - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on that same plan. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But I’m solid in my tie-up; when I’ve finished - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - up that chore, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I enjoy it standin’ list’nin’ for a minit at the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - door. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the rustle of the fodder and the nuzzlin’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - in the meal - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the runchin’s of their feedin’ make this - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - humble feller feel - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That there ain’t no greater comfort than this - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ’ere—to understand - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That a dozen faithful critters owe their com- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fort to my hand. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Oh, the dim old barn seems homelike, with its - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - overhanging mows, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With its warm and battened tie-up, full of well- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fed sheep and cows. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then I shet the door behind me, drop the bar - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and drive the pin - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And, with Jeff a-waggin’ after, lug the foamin’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - milk pails in. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That’s the style of things to our house—marm - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and me we don’t pull up - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Until ev’ry critter’s eatin’, from the cattle to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the pup. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then the biskits and the spare-rib and plum - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - preserves taste good, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For we’re feelin’, me and mother, that we’re - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - actin’ ’bout’s we should. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Like as can be, after supper mother sews an- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - other patch - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And she says the duds look trampy, ’cause she - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ain’t got goods to match. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Fust of all, though, comes the mealbins and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the hay-mows; after those - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - If there’s any extry dollars, wal, we’ll see about - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - new clothes. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But to-night, why, bless ye, mother, pull the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - rug acrost the door; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Warmth and food and peace and comfort— - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - let’s not pester God for more. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - JOHN W. JONES - </h2> - <p> - <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0004" id="linkimage-0004"> </a> - </p> - <div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> - <img src="images/0025.jpg" alt="0025 " width="100%" /><br /> - </div> - <h5> - <a href="images/0025.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> - </h5> - <p class="indent15"> - A sort of a double-breasted face had old John - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - W. Jones, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Reddened and roughened by sun and wind, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - with angular high cheek-bones. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - At the fair, one time, of the Social Guild he re- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ceived unique renown - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - By being elected unanimously the homeliest - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - man in town. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The maidens giggled, the women smiled, the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - men laughed loud and long, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And old John W. leaned right back and ho- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hawed good and strong. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And never was jest too broad for him—for all - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of the quip and chaff - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That assailed his queer old mug through life - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he had but a hearty laugh. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Ho, ho”, he’d snort, “haw, haw”, he’d roar; - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - “that’s me, my friends, that’s me! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now hain’t that the most skew-angled phiz - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that ever ye chanced to see?” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And then he would tell us this little tale. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “’Twas one dark night”, said he, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “I was driving along in a piece of woods and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - there wasn’t a ray to see, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And all to once my cart locked wheels with - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - another old chap’s cart; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We gee-ed and backed but we hung there fast, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and neither of us could start. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then the stranger man he struck a match, to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - see how he’d git away, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I vum, he had the homeliest face I’ve seen - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - for many a day. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Wal, jest for a joke I grabbed his throat and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - pulled my pipe-case out, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the stranger reckoned I had a gun, and he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wrassled good and stout. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But I got him down on his back at last and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - straddled acrost his chest, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And allowed to him that he’d better plan to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - go to his last long rest. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He gasped and groaned he was poor and old - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and hadn’t a blessed cent, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And almost blubbering asked to know what - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - under the sun I meant. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Said I, ‘I’ve sworn if I meet a man that’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - homelier ’n what I be, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ll kill him. I reckin I’ve got the man.’ Says - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he, ‘Please let me see?’ - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So I loosened a bit while he struck a match; - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he held it with trembling hand - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While through the tears in his poor old eyes - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - my cross-piled face he scanned. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then he dropped the match and he groaned - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and said, ‘If truly ye think that I - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Am ha’f as homely as what you be—please - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - shoot! I want to die.’” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the story always would start the laugh - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and Jones would drop his jaw, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And lean’way back and slap his leg and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - laugh, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Ho, haw—haw—haw-w-w!” - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - That was Jones, - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - —John W. Jones, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Queer, Gothic old structure of cob-piled bones; - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - His droll, red face - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Had not a trace - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of comeliness or of special grace; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But I tell you, friends, that candor glowed - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - In those true old eyes—those deep old - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - eyes, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And love and faith and manhood showed - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Without disguise—without disguise. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Though he certainly won a just renown - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As the homeliest man we had in town. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He never had married—that old John Jones; - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he’d grubbed on his little patch, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Supported his parents until they died, and then - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he had lived “old bach”. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We had some suspicions we couldn’t prove: - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - for years had an unknown man - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Distributed gifts to the poor in town on a sort - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of a Santa Claus plan. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - If a worthy old widow was needing wood— - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - some night would that wood be left, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There was garden truck placed in the barns of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - those by mishap or drought bereft. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And once when the night was clear and bright - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - in the glorious month of June, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Poor broken-legged Johnson’s garden was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hoed in the light of the great white moon. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And often some farmer by sickness weighed, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and weary, discouraged and poor, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Would find a wad of worn old bills tucked - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - carefully under his door. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the tracks in the sod of this man who trod - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - by night on his secret routes - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Were suspiciously like the other tracks that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - were left by John Jones’ boots. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the wheel-marks wobbled extremely like - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the trail of Jones’ old cart, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But whatever his mercies he hid them all in the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - depths of his warm old heart. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For whenever the neighbors would pin him - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - down, he’d lift his faded hat, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Now, say”, he’d laugh, “can a man be good - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - with a physog such as that?” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then came the days—the black, dread days - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - when the small-pox swept our town, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With pest-house crowded from sill to eaves and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the nurses “taken down.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And panic reigned and the best went wild and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - even the doctors fled, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And scarce was there one to aid the sick or - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bury the awful dead. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But there in that pest house day and night a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - man with quiet tones - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And steady heart kept still at work—and that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - was old John Jones. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While ever his joke was, “What! Afraid? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Why, gracious me, I’m fine, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And if I weren’t, a few more dents won’t harm - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - this face of mine”. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But those who writhed and moaned in pain - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - within that loathsome place - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Saw beauty not of man and earth upon that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - gnarled old face. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And when he eased their pain-racked forms or - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - brought the cooling draught, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They wondered if this saint could be the man - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - at whom they’d laughed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And thus he fought, unwearied, brave, until - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the Terror passed, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —And then, poor old John W. Jones, he had - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the small-pox last. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And worn by vigils, toil, and fast, the fate he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - had defied - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Descended on him, stern and fierce,—he died, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - my friends, he died. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They held one service at the church for all the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - village dead. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The pastor, when he came to Jones, he choked - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a bit and said: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “If handsome is as handsome does—and now - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - I say to you - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I verily—I honestly believe that saying true. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —If handsome is as handsome does, we had - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - right here in town - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A man whose beauty fairly shone—from - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Heaven itself brought down. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - At first, perhaps, we failed to grasp the con- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tour of that face, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But now with God’s own light on it we see its - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - perfect grace. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And so I say our handsomest man”—the pas- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tor hushed his tones, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With streaming eyes looked up and said, “was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - old John W. Jones - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Such was Jones, - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - —John W. Jones, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Queer, Gothic old structure of cob-piled bones; - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - His quaint, red face - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Had not a trace - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of comeliness or of special grace. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But I tell you, friends, we drop this shell, - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Just over There—just over There! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Good thoughts, good deeds, good hearts will - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tell - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - In moulding souls, serene and fair, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And Jones will stand with harp and crown, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The handsomest angel from our old town. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0006" id="link2H_4_0006"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - DEED OF THE OLD HOME PLACE - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Slowly the toil-cramped, gnarled old fist - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Wrought at the sheet with a rasping pen; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Halted with tremulous quirk and twist, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Staggered, and then went on again. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The wan sun peeped through the wee patched - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - pane - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - And checkered the floor where the pale - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - beams shone - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In a quaint old kitchen up in Maine, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With an old man writing there alone. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the pen wrought on and the head drooped - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - low - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - And a tear plashed down on the rusted pen, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As it traced a verse of the long ago - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - That his grief had brought to his heart - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - again. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Be kind to thy father for when thou wast - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - young, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Who loved thee so fondly as lied - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He caught the first accents that fell from - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - thy tongue. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - And joined in thy innocent glee. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Be kind to thy father for now he is old, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - His locks intermingled with gray; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - His footsteps are feeble, once fearless and - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - bold - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Thy father is passing away. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Be kind to thy mother for lo, on her brow, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - May traces of sorrow be seen. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Oh, well mayst thou cherish and comfort - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - her now, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - For loving and kind has she been. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Remember thy mother, for thee she will - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - pray - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - As long as God giveth her breath - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - With accents of kindness; then cheer her - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - hard way - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - E’en thro’ the dark valley of death.” - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0007" id="link2H_4_0007"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - OUR HOME FOLKS - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Listlessly threshed in a careless court - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The poor, plain tale of a home was told, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Furnishing food for the lawyers’ sport - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And a jest at the fond and the foolish old. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The counsel said as he winked an eye, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Deeded the farm to their only son; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And after’twas deeded they didn’t die - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Quite as quick as they should have done.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Drearily dragged the homely case, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Petty and mean in all its parts; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Quest thro’ the law for an old home place, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Put never a word of two broken hearts. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Only a suit where the son and wife - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Pledged themselves when they coaxed the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - deed, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To comfort the close of the old folks’ life: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Only another case where greed - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Sneered at the toil of the long, hard years - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of martyrdom to the hoe and axe, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Writ in wrinkles and etched in tears - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And told in the curve of the old bent backs, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Bent in the strife with the rocky soil, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When the grinding work was never done, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With just one rift in the cloud of toil: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —‘Twas all for the sake of their only son. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Simply a tedious legal maze - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With neighbors stirring the thing for sport, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - too. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And loungers eyeing with listless gaze - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - This queer old couple dragged to court. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Meekly they would have granted greed - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - All that it sought for—all its spoil; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Little they valued a forfeit deed, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Nor selfishly reckoned their years of toil. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Heartsick they while the lawyers urged, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Mute when the law vouchsafed their prayer; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Courts soothe not such grief as surged - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In the hearts of the old folks trembling there. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - What though the jury’s word restored - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The walls and roof of the old home place? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Would it give them back the blessed hoard - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of trust that knew no son’s disgrace? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Would it give them back his boyhood smiles, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - His boyhood love, their simple joy, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Would it heal the wounds of these afterwhiles, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And make him again their own dear boy? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Would it soothe the smart of the cruel words, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of sullen looks and cold neglect? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And dull the taunts that pierced like swords - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And slashed where the wielders little recked? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No; Justice gives the walls and roof, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —To palsied hands a cancelled deed, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Rebuking with a stern reproof - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - A son’s unfilial, shameless greed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But love that made that old home warm, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And hope that made all labor sweet, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The glow of peace that shamed the storm - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And melted on the pane the sleet; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And faith and truth and loving hearts - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And tender trust in fellow men— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ah, these, my friend, no lawyers’ arts - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Can give again, can give again. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0008" id="link2H_4_0008"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THANKSGIVIN’ JIM - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - He always dodged ’round in a ragged old - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - coat, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a tattered, blue comforter tied on his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - throat. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - His dusty old cart used to rattle and bang - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As he yelled through the village, “Gid dap!” - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and “Go ’lang!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You’d think from his looks that he wa’n’t wuth - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a cent; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Was poorer than Pooduc, to judge how he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - went. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But back in the country don’t reckon on style - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To give ye a notion of anyone’s pile. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When he died and they figgered his pus’nal - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - estate, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He was mighty well-fixed—was old “Squeal- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - in’ Jim” Waite. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But say, I’d advise ye to sort of look out - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - How ye say “Squealin’ Jim” when the’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - widders about. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They’re likely to light on ye, hot tar and pitch, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And give ye some points as to what, where and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - which; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For if ever a critter was reckoned a saint - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - By the widders’round here, I’ll be dinged if he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ain’t. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For please understand that the widders call - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - him, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Sheddin’ tears while they’re sayin’ it,— - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - “Thanksgivin’ Jim”. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - He was little—why, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Wa’n’t scarce knee high - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To a garden toad. But was mighty spry! - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - He was all of a whew - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - If he’d things to do! - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ’Twas a zip and a streak when Jim went - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - through. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But his voice was twice as big as him - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the boys all called him “Squealin’ Jim”. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He was always a-hurryin’ all through his life - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And said there wa’n’t time for to hunt up a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wife. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So he kept bach’s hall and he worked like a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dog, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Jest whooped right along at a trottin’ hoss - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - jog- - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There’s a yarn that the fellers that knew him - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - will tell - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - If they want to set Jim out and set him out - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - well: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He was bound for the city on bus’ness one day - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And whoosh! scooted down to the depot, they - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - say. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The depot-man says, “Hain’t no rush, Mr. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Waite, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For the train to the city is ten minutes late - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Off flew Squealin’ Jim with his grip, on the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - run, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And away down the track he went hoofin’ like - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fun. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When he tore out of sight, couldn’t see him - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - for dust - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he squealed, “Train be jiggered! I’ll git - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - there, now, fust!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —So nervous and active he jest wouldn’t wait - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When they told him the train was a leetle dite - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - late. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Now that was Jim! - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - He was stubby and slim - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But it took a spry critter to step up with him. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - His height when he’d rise - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Made ye laugh, but his eyes - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Let ye know that his soul wasn’t much under- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - size. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And some old widders we had in town - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Insisted, reg’lar, he wore a crown. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As he whoopity-larruped along on his way, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There were people who’d turn up their noses - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and say - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That Squealin’ Jim Waite wasn’t right in his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - head; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He was cranky as blazes, the old growlers said. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I can well understand that some things he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - would do - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Seemed loony as time to that stingy old crew. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For a fact, there was no one jest like him in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - town, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He was most always actin’ the part of a clown; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He would say funny things in his queer, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - squealin’ style, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he talked so’s you’d hear him for more - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - than a mile. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But ev’ry Thanksgivin’ time Waite he would - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - start - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And clatter through town in his rattlin’ old - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cart, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And what do ye s’pose? He would whang - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - down the street, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yank up at each widder’s; from under the seat - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Would haul out a turkey of yaller-legged chick - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And holler, “Here, mother, h’ist out with ye, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - quick!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then he’d toss down a bouncer right into her - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lap - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And belt off like fury with, “G’long, there! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Gid dap!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Didn’t wait for no thanks—couldn’t work ’em - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on him, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Couldn’t catch him to thank him—that - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Thanksgivin’ Jim. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ’Twas a queer idee - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ’Round town that he - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Was off’n his balance and crazy’s could be. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - They’d set and chaw - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - And stew and jaw, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And projick on what he did it for. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But prob’ly in Heaven old Squealin’ Jim - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Found lots of crazy folks jest like him. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0009" id="link2H_4_0009"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - “OLD POSH” - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Cheerful crab was that old Posh, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Warn’t afflicted much with dosh, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Fact, he worked round sawin’ wood, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Earnin’ what few cents he could, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Got that name o’ Posh in fun; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Dad had named him Washington; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Children got to call him “Wash.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then at last ’twas jest “Old Posh.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That’s the way you knew, a name - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Sort of fits itself with fame: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - If he’d growed some great big gun. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Would have called him Washington. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But “Old Posh” was just as good - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For a poor chap sawin’ wood. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Critter never made no talk. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Made his old saw screak and scrawk, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Earnt his dollar’n ten a day. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Didn’t leave much time for play. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Had a wife and boys to keep, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Reelly had to skinch his sleep. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ve been out sir, late at night - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Seen him at it good and tight. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Where he’d took it to be sawed - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - At a dollar’n ten a cord. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I’d say. Ye’re at it late.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then he’d grunt himself up straight. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Slick his for’ead clear of sweat - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he’d say. “Wal, you jest bet! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Bankin’ hours don’t jibe in good - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With this job cf sawin’ wood. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Still, when this ’ere don’t suit me - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I kin go and climb a tree.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That’s the crack he allus sent; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —I donno jest what he meant— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Likely’nough, sir, even he - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Didn’t have no clear idee. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Still it seemed to fix the thing; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —He’d commence to saw and sing, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’S if at anytime he could - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Git clean shet of sawin’ wood. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So he worked, s’r, all his life, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Kept his children and his wife; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Boys amount to more’n you’d suppose - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Got good jobs and wear good clothes. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - If they’d turned out shiftless, gosh, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Never’d took the thing from Posh! - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Posh, he died at seventy-one, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Worked right up till set of sun. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Sawed his reg’lar cord that day, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Et his supper reg’lar way, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Told his wife warn’t feel in’ well: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Said he guessed he’d drowse a spell. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For he reckoned, so he said. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That he’d saw a while ’fore bed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Warn’t no need of workin’ so, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Boys was earnin’ well, ye know. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But he couldn’t seem to quit. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —At it stiddy, saw and split. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Set that night there in his chair, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Got to dreamin’, and I swear, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Snores they sounded near’s they could - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Like a feller sawin’ wood. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Last he gave a mighty “plock” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Same’s he’d strike a choppin’ block, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When he’d set his ax an’ say, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Wal, I guess that’s all to-day.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Doctor got there quick’s he could, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Said he couldn’t do no good. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Shock, ye know! It left things slim - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When a man has worked like him. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Hav’ to rest, I guess, a while,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Posh said, with a crooked smile, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Shock had twisted round his face, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Alwus does in such a case. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Hav’ to rest, I reckin, for - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Feel too tuckered out to saw.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jest a little ’fore he died. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Smiled agin and kind of sighed, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Guess it’s all that’s left,” said he, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Reckin’ I’ll go climb a tree.” - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0010" id="link2H_4_0010"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE SUN-BROWNED DADS OF MAINE - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Here’s ho for the masterful men o’ Maine, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Grit and gumption, brawn and brain! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - South they go and West they flow, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The men that do and the men that know. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And Fame and Honor, Power and Gain - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Come to the call of the men o’ Maine. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But away up back on the rock-piled farms - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Are the gnarled old dads with corded arms, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The dads that give these boys o’ Maine - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Health and strength and grit and brain. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now the masterful men who have gone their - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ways - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Need none of my humble words of praise. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So, here’s best I have for the dads, the ones - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who have slaved and saved to raise those sons. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Here’s hail and again for the Maine-bred lads, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then a triple hail for the dear old Dads. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They are bowed and bent and wrinkled, and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - their hands are browned and knurled - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They would never pass as heroes in the busy, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - careless world, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For they bear no sword or ribbon, and they - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - show no victor’s spoil, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Only such as they have wrested from the weeds - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and rocky soil. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They have wrung reluctant dollars from the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - land, and all their gain - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Has been spent to nurture manhood in the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - rugged State of Maine. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And they need no decorations, only loving - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - thanks from those - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who built upon the sacrifice that bought their - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - books and clothes. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I bring some homely laurel for those wrinkled, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sunburned brows - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of men whose hands are blistered by the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - scythe-snaths and the plows, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —For men who wrestle Nature with their bare - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and corded arms - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In an everlasting struggle with these grudging - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - old Maine farms, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who lay their lives and hopes and joys’neath - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - labor’s bitter rule - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To coax from sullen Earth the price that keeps - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - their boys in school. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In manhood of America—’mongst brawn and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - pluck and brain, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Set high these humble heroes of the upland - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - farms of Maine! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And with the cheers you lavish on the men - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - behind the guns - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Crowd in one honest, sincere shout for those - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - behind the sons. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They labor here in stern old Maine and every - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cent is ground - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - From out the earth by pluck and plod. In - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - youth they never found - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That open sesame to wealth the cultured mind - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - employs, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Such as to-day their humble toil bestows upon - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - their boys. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Those crosses signed by toil-cramped hands in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - probate courts in Maine - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The wavering quirks and curliques no mortal - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - can explain, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Those speak with pathos all their own of days - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of long ago - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When “bound-out” children trudged to school - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - through miles of drifted snow; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When scattered weeks of schoolin’ in the win- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ter time were doled - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To hungry little youngsters, ill-clad and numb - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - with cold. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now you’ll find them, grown to manhood, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - proud and eager to dilate - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - On the brightness of the children they have - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - paid to educate. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They have patiently worn patches that their - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - boys may wear good clothes; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As they’ve struggled on their acres only God, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the Father, knows - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - All the makeshifts and privations of these - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - rocky old Maine farms - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Where the boys walk straight to comfort over - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - toiling dads and marms. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yet those bent and weary parents ask no - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - praises from the world, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Their comfort is to push a son as high as their - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - old, knurled, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And aching muscles can reach up; and, when - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - they pass away, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To know that he will never work one half as - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hard as they. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Such is the stuff our heroes are, and when you - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cheer the guns - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And those behind them, reckon in the men be- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hind the sons. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The zeal and valor of the land in battle’s crash - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and blaze - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And deeds of heroes seeking fame must win - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - due meed of praise, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And yet above them all I set the humble sacri- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fice - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of toiling men who cent by cent amass the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hard-won price - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That buys the Future for a boy, bestows the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - magic “Can,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Lays Power in his eager grasp and sends him - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - forth A Man. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So, unto these bowed, weary men with earth- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stained, calloused palms, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who daily tread the up-turned soil on rough - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and rocky farms, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who pile their hoard of dollars up, by sturdy - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - labor won, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who pour those dollars freely out to educate - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a son, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To all of these who seek no crown I bring my - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wreath of bay - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And set it on their sun-tanned brows and on - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - their locks of gray, ‘ - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And when their dreary, long campaign, their - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bitter toil is done, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - God grant that each may live again, new-born - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - in honored son. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then three times three, I say again, for - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Maine’s true heroes now, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Whose hands are blistered, gnarled, and worn - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - by scythe-snath and the plow, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who vow themselves to poverty, accept its - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bitter rule - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To coax from sullen Earth the price that keeps - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - their sons in school. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Cheer if you will for those who kill—the men - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - behind the guns, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But cheer again for those who build—the men - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - behind the sons. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0011" id="link2H_4_0011"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - “HEAVENLY CROWN” RICH - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Elias Rich would kneel at night by the wooden - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - kitchen chair, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He would clutch the rungs and bow his head - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and pray his bed-time prayer. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And his prayer was ever the same old plea, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - repeated for two-score years: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Oh, Lord Most High, please hear my cry - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - from this vale of sin and tears. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I hain’t no ’count and I hain’t done much that’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - worthy in Thy sight, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But I’ve done the best that I could, dear Lord, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - accordin’ to my light. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ve done as much for my feller man as really, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Lord, I could, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Consid’rin’ my pay is a dollar a day and I’ve - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - earnt it choppin’ wood. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ve never hankered no great on earth for - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - more’n my food and roof, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And all of the meat that I’ve had to eat was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cut near horn or hoof; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But I thank Thee, Lord, that I’ve earnt my - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - way and I hain’t got ‘on the town,’ - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And when I die I know that I shall sartin wear - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a crown.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Whenever he mumbled his simple prayer in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the kitchen by his chair, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Aunt Rich would rattle the supper pans and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sniff with a scornful air. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She’d never “professed,” as the saying is, she - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - never had felt a “call,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And she constantly prodded Elias with, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “’Tain’t prayer that counts, it’s sprawl.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There are some who are born for the pats of - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Life and some for the cuffs and whacks, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Elias fought the wolf of want as best he might - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - with his axe; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He even aided with scanty store some desolate - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Tom or Jim, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But at last when his poor old arms gave out no - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hands were reached to him. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Folks said that a man who was paralyzed re- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - quired some special care, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And allowed that the poor farm was the place; - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - so they carried the old folks there. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas a heavy cross for Elias’ wife but Elias - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ne’er complained, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To all of her frettings he made reply: “When - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - our Heavenly Home is gained, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twill be the sweeter for troubles here and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - though we’re on the town, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - God keeps up There our mansion fair and He - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - has our golden crown.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They were dreary years that Elias lived, one - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - half of his body dead, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He sat in his cold, bare, town-farm room and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - patiently spelled and read - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The promise his old black Bible gave, and then - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he’d lift his eyes - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And look right up through the dingy walls to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his mansion in the skies. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They mockingly called him “Heavenly - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Crown” when he talked of his faith, but he - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Smiled sweetly ever and meekly said, “I know - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - what I can see!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When he died at last and the parson preached - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - above the stained, pine box, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He said, “Perhaps this simple faith was a bit - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - too orthodox; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Perhaps allowance should be made for the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - metaphors divine - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And yet, my friends, I’ll not presume to make - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - such province mine. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Though in that Book the highest thought can - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - find transcendent food, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Tis primer, too, for the poor and plain, the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - unlearned and the rude. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And so I say no man to-day should seek to tear - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - it down, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Nor flout the homely, honest soul that claims - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - its golden crown.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Friends placed above Elias’ grave a plain, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - white marble stone, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And months went by. Then all at once ’twas - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - seen that there had grown - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Upon the polished marble slab a shading that, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ’twas said, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Took on a shape extremely like Elias’ shaggy- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - head. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then soon above the shadowy brows a crown - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - was slowly limned, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And though Aunt Rich scrubbed zealously the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - thing could not be dimmed. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She always scoffed Elias’ faith without rebuke - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - through life - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But now, the neighbors all averred, Elias - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - braved his wife. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For though with brush and soap and sand she - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - scrubbed and rubbed by day, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The figure seemed to grow each night and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - those there are who say . - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That many a time when the moon was dim a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wraith with ghostly skill - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Wrought there with spectral brush and limned - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that picture deeper still. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And there it is unto this day and strangers - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - passing by - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Turn in and stand above the mound to gaze - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - with awe-struck eye, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And wonder if Elias came from Heaven steal- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ing down - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To mutely say in this quaint way that now he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wears his crown. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0012" id="link2H_4_0012"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - OLD “FIGGER-FOUR” - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - He played when summer sunsets glowed and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - twilight deepened down, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - His shrilling flute throbbed out and out in the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ears of the little town; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When the chores were done and his cattle fed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and the old horse munched his oats, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He took his flute to his racked old porch and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - chirped his wavering notes. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And far and wide on the evening breeze from - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the old house on the hill, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Went trinkling off the thin, long strains, like - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the cry of the whip-poor-will. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the women paused with the supper things - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and harkened at the door, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And to the questioning stranger said, “Why, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that’s old Figger-Four.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He bobbed to his work in his little field and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tidied his lonesome home; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’d the light of peace in his quiet face, though - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his shape was that of a gnome. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - One knee was angled, hooked and stiff, the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - mark of a fever sore, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the saucy wits of the countryside had - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dubbed him “Figger-Four.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yet those who knew him never thought of the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - twist in the poor, bent limb, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And only strangers had a smile for the name - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bestowed on him. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For if ever a man was a neighbor true, that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - man, my friend, was he, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the name he bore of “Figger-Four” was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - our symbol of constancy. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas he who came to the stricken homes and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - closed the dead men’s eyes; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas he who watched by the poor men’s biers - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - with a care no money buys; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas he who sat by the fretful sick, and ne’er - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - could rash complaint - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Disturb the placid soul and smile of the gnarled - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - old village saint. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And all came straight from out his heart, for - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - when one spoke of pay, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He simply smiled a wistful smile and said: - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - “That ain’t my way.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A glistening eye was prized by him above a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - golden store; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An. earnest clasp of neighbor’s hand paid every - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - debt and more. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And when there was no call for him from Tom, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - or Dick or Jim, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He took his lip-stained flute and played a good - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - old gospel hymn. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So, when the placid, sunset skies were banked - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - above the town, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To every home and every ear those notes came - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - softly down. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And truly, friend, it used to seem the good old - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - man would play, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As if, for lack of else to do, to pipe our cares - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - away. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And tongues were hushed and heads were bent, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and angry home dispute - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Gave way to silence, then to smiles, when - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - “Figger-Four’s” old flute - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Sent down its long-drawn, mild reproach from - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - off the little hill— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Expostulation in its notes, a pleading in its - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - thrill. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And somehow, though the hearts were hot and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tongues were stirring fray, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Those dripping tones came down like balm and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cooled the wrath away. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’d lived his lesson in our gaze; he was not - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - one who talked; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - His life was straight, although, alas, he bobbed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - so when he walked! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And though we’ve lost our richest men, we - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - mourn far more, far more, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The man we loved and who loved us, poor bent - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - old “Figger-Four.” - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0013" id="link2H_4_0013"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - PHEBE AND ICHABOD - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Allus was rowin’ it, early and late, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Niff against this one an’ niff against that! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a voice like a whistle, too big for her - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - weight, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That was the make-up of Aunt Phebe Pratt. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She’d give it to Ichabod, hot-pitch-and-tar, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yappin’ as soon as he came to the house; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Allus was hankerin’ after a jar, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Allus was ready to kick up a touse. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But Ichabod he was as calm as a lamb, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Never talked back to her, no, s’r, not he— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Reckin that some men would rip out a damn. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But he was the mildest that ever ye see. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’d set an’ he’d whistle an’ whistle away, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Waitin’ all patient ontil she got through; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She’d scream, “Drat ye, answer!” but Ick - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he would say, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Mother, ye’re talkin’ a plenty for two. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who-o-o, who-o-o, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who-o-o, who-o-o! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Nothin’ to say, mother! List’nun to you.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Phebe is dead an’ has gone to her rest; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ichabod lives in the house all alone; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Ick isn’t lonesome because, so ’tis guessed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He still hears the echoes of Aunt Phebe’s tone. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Tis reckoned his ears were so used to the clack, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He somehow er’ ruther still thinks she is there; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Kind of imagines that Phebe is back, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ still is a-goin’ it, whoopity-tear! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Or p’raps she has ’ranged it by long-distance - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - line, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - From her latest location, Above or Below, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To keep up her reg’lar old yappin’ an’ whine, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For fear the old man will at last have a show. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For he sets there an’ whistles an’ whistles - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - away, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Whenever there’s nothin’ in ’special to do; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ once in a while he’ll look up an’ he’ll say, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Mother, ye’re talkin’ a plenty for two. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who-o-o, who-o-o, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who-o-o, who-o-o! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Nothin’ to say, mother! List’nun to you.” - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0014" id="link2H_4_0014"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - WHEN OUR HERO COMES TO MAINE - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Though the banners greet his coming when our - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hero journeys home, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Though the city, wreathed in colors, bears his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - name on flag-wrapt dome; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Does he come for speech and music? Does he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - come for gay parade, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And to see a moving pageant in its festal hues - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - arrayed? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No, a gray and rain-washed farmhouse, hid - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - beside a country lane - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Is the goal of all his hurry, when our hero - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - comes to Maine. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And past spectacle and pageant, bannered street - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and brave array - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He is rushing, soul on fire, toward a dearer - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - scene than they; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the hand that gives him welcome may be - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - calloused, may be brown, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But the fervor of its greeting can’t be matched - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - back there in town. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Tis a plain old dad in drillin’ who will clasp - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his hand; and then - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He will shout, “Lord, ain’t we tickled! God - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bless ye, how’ve ye be’n? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Why, massy me, ye rascal, how like fury ye - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - have growed! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - If I’d met ye in the village, swan, I wouldn’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - scursely knowed, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Your face behind them whiskers; ’fore ye know - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - it boys are men! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Hey, mother, here’s your youngster! Land - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - o’ Goshen, how’ve ye be’n?” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - And if, you home returning son, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Some tithe of honor you have won, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Sweeter than telling the world of men - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Is telling the old folks “how you’ve be’n.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Though of wealth and brains and beauty, festal - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Maine has summoned all - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the banquet gleams in splendor in the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - city’s spacious hall, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Does he envy them the viands spread beneath - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - their flag-wrapt dome? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No, never, as he sits there at the old folks’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - board back home. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There are all the dear old good things made - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - by mother’s loving hands, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Such things, so he discovers, only mother - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - understands; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There’s the old and treasured china, figured - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - blue with gilded rim, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Saved to honor great occasions—now the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - whole is spread for him, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the mother’s eyes are wistful; she’s as- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sailed by constant doubt - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Lest, spite of all his fearful raids, he somehow - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “won’t make out.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But, though the wanderer strives to eat, his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - heart keeps coming up, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And tears roll out of brimming eyes he lowers - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - o’er his cup, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And in the throat there swells a lump, not - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - grief,—and yet akin— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To see the old folks bowed so low, so snowy- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - haired and thin. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And yet their happy faces glow, until they’re - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - young again, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And dad lights up his old crook pipe and says, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Now how’ve ye be’n? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Set down and tell us how ye’ve fared and tell - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - us how ye’ve done, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You’ve sent us letters right along, but them - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - don’t talk it, son. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A minit with ye, face to face, beats hours with - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a pen; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - God bless ye, bub! Ye’re welcome back! Now - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tell us how’ve ye be’n?” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Ah, happy he who brings success - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Back here to Maine to cheer and bless - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - The folks who ask in tenderness, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - —Taking you into their arms again, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - “God bless ye, dearie, how’ve ye be’n?” - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0015" id="link2H_4_0015"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - UNCLE TASCUS AND THE DEED - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Uncle Peter Tascus Runnels has been feeble - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - some of late; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He has allus been a worker and he sartinly did - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hate - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To confess he couldn’t tussle with the spryest - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - any more, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —That he wasn’t fit for nothin’ but to fub - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - around an’ chore. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When he climbed the stable scaffold t’other day - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he had a spell, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Kind o’ heart-disease or somethin’—an’ I - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - heard he like to fell. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Guess the prospect sort o’ scared him; so, that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ev’nin’ after tea, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —After he had smoked a pipeful—pretty sol- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - emn, then says he, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Reckin, son, ye’ve noticed lately that your - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dad is gittin’ old, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ your marm is nigh as feeble;—much as - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ever she can scold!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Uncle Tascus said so grinnin’; for the folks - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - around here know - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That no better-natured woman ever lived than - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - old Aunt Jo. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Now, my son,” said Uncle Tascus, “you’ve - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - been good to me an’ marm, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ you know we allus told ye, ye was sure to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - have the farm. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ we like your wife Lucindy; there has - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - never been no touse - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As is generly apt to happen with two famblys in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the house. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I can’t manage as I used to; mother’s gittin’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - pretty slim, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ to hold our prop’ty longer is a whim, bub, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - jest a whim! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So I’ll tell ye what I’m plannin’, an’ I know - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that marm agrees, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We’ll sign off an’ make it over; then we’ll sort - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - o’ take our ease. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So, hitch up to-morrer mornin’—drive us down - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to Lawyer True, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Me an’ marm will sign the papers, an’ we’ll - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - deed the place to you.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Lawyer True looked kind o’ doubtful when - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - they told him what was on. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “I’ll admit,” said he, “that no one’s got a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - better boy than John. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now don’t think I’m interferin’ or am prophe- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - syin’ harm, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When I warn ye not to do it; don’t ye deed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - away your farm. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I have seen so many cases—heard ’em tried - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - most ev’ry term— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Where a deed has busted fam’lies, that, I swow, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - it makes me squirm - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - If I’m asked to write a transfer to a relative - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - or son. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Tascus, please excuse my meddlin’, but—ye - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hold it till ye’re done.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Uncle Tascus, though, insisted. He was allus - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - rather sot. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He allowed he’d show the neighbors jest the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - kind of son he’d got. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Said he’d show ’em how a Runnels allus - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stuck by kith an’ kin, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So the lawyer drew the papers—an’ they started - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - home agin, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Uncle Tascus held the webbin’s—he has allus - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - driv’ the hoss— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - John he chuckled kind o’ nervous. Then said - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he, “Wal, pa, I’m boss! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now ye’ve never got to worry—I’m the one to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - take the lead, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Things were gettin’ kind o’ logy—guess I’ll - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - have to put on speed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ as now I head the fam’ly, an’ you’re sort - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of on the shelf, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Guess I’ll”—John he took the webbin’s— - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - “guess I’d better drive, myself.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Wal, s’r, Uncle Tascus pondered, pondered, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - pondered all that day. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ that evenin’ still was pond’rin’, as he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - rocked an’ smoked away. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - John he set dus’ up t’ table, underneath the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hangin’ lamp, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ciph’rin’ out that legal paper with its seal an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - rev’nue stamp. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then he folded it an’ chuckled. “That’s all - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - right an’ tight,” he said, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Lawyers tie things tighter’n Jehu. Dad, ye’d - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - better go to bed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You an’ marm are gettin’ feeble; mustn’t have - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ye up so late! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’m the boss—” John sort o’ te-heed, “so I’ll - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - have to keep ye straight. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Sides, I’ll need ye bright an’ early. In the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - mornin’ hitch the mare, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Take that paper down t’ court-house. Have it - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - put on record there.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Uncle Tascus took the writin’, pulled his specs - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - down on his nose, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Read it over very careful. Then says he, “My - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - son, I s’pose - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You are jest as good’s they make ’em; I hain’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - got no fault to find, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You are thrifty, smart an’ stiddy; rather bluff, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - but allus kind, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ I guess you’d prob’ly use us jest as well’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ye really knew, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But I hain’t so awful sartin that I’m done an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - out an’ through! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Tell ye, son, I’ve been a-thinkin’ since ye - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - took an’ driv’ that hoss, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Since ye sort o’ throwed your shoulders an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - allowed that you was boss! - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Hate to act so whiffle-minded, but my father - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - used to say, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ‘Men would sometimes change opinions; mules - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - would stick the same old way.’” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Uncle Tascus tore the paper twice acrost, then - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - calmly threw - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - On the fire the shriv’lin’ pieces. Poof! They - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - vanished up the flue. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “There, bub, run to bed,” said Tascus, with - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his sweet, old-fashioned smile. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “These old hands are sort of shaky, but I guess - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - I’ll drive a while.” - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0016" id="link2H_4_0016"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - SONGS OF THE SEA AND SHORE - </h2> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0017" id="link2H_4_0017"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - TALE OF A SHAG-EYED SHARK - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - The mackerel bit as they crowded an’ fit to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - grab at our ganglin’ bait, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We were flappin’ ’em in till the ’midship bin - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - held dus’ on a thousand weight; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When all of a sudden they shet right down an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - never a one would bite, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ the Old Man swore an’ he r’ared an’ tore - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - till the mains’l nigh turned white, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’d pass as the heftiest swearin’ man that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ever I heard at sea, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ that is allowin’ a powerful lot, as sartinly - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - you will agree. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Whenever he cursed his arm shot up an’ his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fingers they wiggled about, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Till they seemed to us like a windmill’s fans - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a-pumpin’ the cuss-words out. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He swore that day by the fodder hay of the - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Great Jeehookibus whale, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - By the Big Skedunk, an’ he bit a hunk from - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the edge of an iron pail, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For he knowed the reason the fish had dodged, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - an’ he swore us stiff an’ stark - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As he durned the eyes an’ liver an’ lights of a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - shag-eyed, skulkin’ shark. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then we baited a line all good an’ fine an’ slung - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ’er over the side, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ the shark took holt with a dretful jolt, an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he yanked an’ chanked an’ tried - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To jerk it out, but we held him stout so he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - couldn’t duck nor swim, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ we h’isted him over—that old sea-rover— - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - we’d business there with him. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A-yoopin’ for air he laid on deck, an’ the skip- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - per he says, says he: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “You’re the wust, dog-gondest, mis’able hog - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that swims the whole durn sea. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Mongst gents as is gents it’s a standin’ rule to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - leave each gent his own— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - If ye note as ye pass he’s havin’ a cinch, stand - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - off an’ leave him alone. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But you’ve slobbered along where you don’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - belong, an’ you’ve gone an’ spiled the thing, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ now, by the pink-tailed Wah-hoo-fish, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - you’ll take your dose, by jing!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So, actin’ by orders, the cook fetched up our - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - biggest knife on board, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ he ripped that shark in his ’midship bulge; - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - then the Old Man he explored. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ after a while, with a nasty smile, he giv’ a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - yank an’ twist, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Hurroo!” yells he, an’ then we see the liver - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - clinched in his fist. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Still actin’ by orders, the cook fetched out his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - needle an’ biggest twine— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a herrin’-bone stitch sewed up that shark, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - all right an’ tight an’ fine. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We throwed him back with a mighty smack, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - an’ the look as he swum away - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Was the most reproachfulest kind of a look - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - I’ve seen for many a day. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ the liver was throwed in the scuttle-butt, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to keep it all fresh an’ cool, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then we up with our sheet an’ off we beat, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a-chasin’ that mackerel school. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We sailed all day in a criss-cross way, but the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - school it skipped an’ skived, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It dodged an’ ducked, an’ backed an’ bucked, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - an’ scooted an’ swum an’ dived. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ we couldn’t catch ’em, the best we’d do— - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - an’ oh, how the Old Man swore! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He went an’ he gargled his throat in ile, ’twas - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - peeled so raw an’ sore. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But at last, ’way off at the edge of the sea, we - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - suddenly chanced to spy - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A tall back-fin come fannin’ in, ag’inst the sun- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - set sky. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ the sea ahead of it shivered an’ gleamed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - with a shiftin’ an’ silvery hue, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With here a splash an’ there a dash, an’ a rip- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ple shootin’ through. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ the Old Man jumped six feet from deck; - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he hollered an’ says, says he: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Here comes the biggest mackerel school since - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the Lord set off the sea! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ right behind, if I hain’t blind, by the prong- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - jawed dog-fish’s bark, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Is a finnin’ that mis’able hog of the sea, that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - liverless, shag-eyed shark!” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But we out with our bait an’ down with our - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hooks, an’ we fished an’ fished an’ fished, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While ’round in a circle, a-cuttin’ the sea, that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - back-fin whished an’ slished; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ we noticed at last he was herdin’ the school - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - an’ drivin’ ’em on our bait, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ they bit an’ they bit an’ we pulled ’em in at - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a reg’lar wholesale rate. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We pulled ’em in till the S’airey Ann was wal- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lerin’ with her load, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ we stopped at last’cause there wa’n’t no - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - room for the mackerel to be stowed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then up came a-finnin’ that liverless shark, an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he showed his stitched-up side, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ the look in his eyes was such a look that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the Old Man fairly cried. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We rigged a tackle an’ lowered a noose an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the shark stuck up his neck, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then long an’ slow, with a heave yo-ho, we - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - h’isted him up on deck. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The skipper he blubbered an’ grabbed a fin an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - gave it a hearty shake; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Says he, “Old man, don’t lay it up an’ we’ll - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - have a drop to take.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’, actin’ by orders, the cook fetched up our - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - kag of good old rum; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The shark he had his drink poured first, an’ all - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of us then took some. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Still actin’ by orders, the cook he took an’ he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - picked them stitches out, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ we all turned to, an’ we lent a hand; - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - though of course we had some doubt - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As to how he’d worn it an’ how’twas hitched, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - an’ whuther’twas tight or slack, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But as best we could—as we understood—we - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - put that liver back. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then we sewed him up, an’ we shook his fin - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - an’ we giv’ him another drink, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We h’isted him over the rail ag’in an’ he giv’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - us a partin’ wink. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then he swum away, an’ I dast to say, although - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he was rather sore, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He felt that he’d started the trouble first, an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - we’d done our best an’ more. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Cause a dozen times’fore the season closed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - an’ the mackerel skipped to sea, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He herded a school an’ drove ’em in, as gen- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tlemanlike as could be. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We’d toss him a drink, an’ he’d tip a wink, as - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sociable as ye please, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No kinder nor better-mannered shark has ever - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - swum the seas. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now, the moral is, if you cut a friend before - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that you know he’s friend, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ after he’s shown it, ye do your best his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - feelin’s to nicely mend, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’ll meet ye square, an’ he’ll call you quits, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - providin’ he’s got a spark - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of proper feelin’—at least our crew can vouch - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - this for a shark. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0018" id="link2H_4_0018"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE GREAT JEEHOOKIBUS WHALE - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - May health and heartiness never fail - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - My friend the Whale—my friend the Whale! - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There are days when the dog-fish are gnawin’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the bait, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the mud-eels are saggin’ the trawl; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When the brim and the monk-fish and pucker- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - mouthed skate - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Are the yield from a three-mile haul; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —When the dory-bow ducks with the weight - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that it lugs - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of the riffraff and sculch of the sea, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And sculpins come gogglin’ with wide-open - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - mugs, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And grinnin’ jocosely at me. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It’s h’ist and lug, and pull and tug— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Bow-pulley chuckerin’—chugity-chug! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And all that ye’re gittin’ won’t pay for the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - weight - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of powder to blow ’em to Beelzebub’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - strait. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then’s the chance to be grum if ye’re taken - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that style - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And are sort of inclined to the blues; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When luck is ag’in ye’tis whimper or smile, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Whichever’s your notion to choose. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now I—I am sort of inclined to the grins, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So, after a loaf on the rail, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I whistle him up, my old friend of the fins— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The jolly Jeehookibus Whale! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —The great Jeehookibus, fan-fluke whale, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A genial chap with a swivel tail; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ready for larks and primed for pranks, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —His jokes are the life of the whole - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Grand Banks. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ve knowed him sence summer of’Seventy- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - four, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When I “chanced” on a hand-liner trip; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I was out in my dory one day and I wore - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Oiled petticuts strapped to my hip. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I was thinkin’ and smokin’ and fishin’ away, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As quiet as quiet could be, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When all of a whew there was dickens to pay - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In the neighborhood handy to me. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a whoosh like a rocket I shot in the air, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And it seemed like’twas blowin’ a gale; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As I h’isted sky-hootin’ I looked, sor, and there - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Was the jolly Jeehookibus Whale. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The great Jeehookibus, fan-fluke whale - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Was under me, swishin’ his swivel tail. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He stood on his head with his tail stuck - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - up, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the game he was playin’ was ball-and- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cup. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I dropped, but he caught me and filliped me - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - quick - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And juggled me neat as could be; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas as pretty and clever a sleight-of-tail - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - trick - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As ever ye saw on the sea. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - At first I was skittish, as you can see why, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When I found myself up there on air, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But as soon as I noticed the quirk in his eye - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I was over my bit of a scare. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas a humorous look he was throwin’ to me - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As there I continnered to sail, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While under me, finnin’ and grinnin’ in glee, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Was the jolly Jeehookibus Whale. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The great Jeehookibus, fan-fluke whale - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He fanned and fanned with his big, broad - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tail, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Till my petticuts filled and I floated there, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Like a thistle-balloon on the summer air. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas the slickest performance, our doryman - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - swore, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That ever was seen on the Banks; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He lowered me back in my dory once more - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I giv’ him my heartiest thanks. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I reckon he liked me and thought I was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - game, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Because I wa’n’t yowlin’ in fear; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For over and over he’s done jest the same, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - This many and many a year. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When dog-fish are gnawin’ and other men - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - swear - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As they jerk at the sculch-loaded trawl, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I know I have some one to cuff away care, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - If only I whistle a call. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then up from his bed on the dulses he spins, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I boost myself over the rail - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For a sail on the tail of my friend of the fins— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The jolly Jeehookibus Whale. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —The great Jeehookibus, fan-fluke whale, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A jovial chap with a swivel tail; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ready for larks and primed for pranks, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He drives away blues from the whole - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Grand Banks. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - May health and heartiness never fail - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - My friend the Whale—my friend the Whale! - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0019" id="link2H_4_0019"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - “AS BESEEMETH MEN” - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - We heard her a mile to west’ard—the liner that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cut us through— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As crushing the fog at a twenty-jog she drove - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - with her double screw. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We heard her a mile to west’ard as she bel- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lowed to clear her path, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The grum, grim grunt of her whistle, a levia- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - than’s growl of wrath. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We could tell she was aimed to smash us, so - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - we clashed at our little bell, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But the sound was shredded by screaming wind - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and we simply rung our knell. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the feeble breath, that screamed at Death - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - through our horn, was beaten back, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And we knew that doom rode up the sea to- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ward the shell of our tossing smack. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then out of the fog she thundered, the liner, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - smashing to east; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Her green and her red glared overhead and her - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bows were spouting yeast. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The eyes of her reddened hawse-holes, her - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dripping and towering flanks, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Flashed with no gleam of mercy for her quarry - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on the Banks. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She scornfully spurned us under, the while her - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - whistle brayed, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Nor heeded the crash of our little craft nor the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - feeble chirp we made; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And as down we swept, her folk that slept— - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - they slumbered serenely still, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And even the lookout on the bridge scarce felt - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the thud and thrill. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But they jangled her bells and halted; and the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sullen sea they swept - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With the goggling gleam of the searchlight’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - beam. A dozen of us had crept - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - On the mass of the tangled wreckage she con- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - temptuously had tossed - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A mile astern in the chop and churn. The - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - others were drowned—were lost! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There was never a whine nor whimper, only - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - some muttered groans, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As the ocean buffeted martyrs who clung there - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - with shattered bones, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And those whose grip was broken as the surge - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - reeled creaming high, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Went out from the ken of the searchlight with - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a hoarse but brave “Good-by.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In the great white light no sign of fright stole - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wrinkling o’er a face, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For the men of the Banks know How to die - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - when Davy trumps their ace. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And better than simply dying—they can cheer- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fully, bravely give - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Life, heart, and head in a comrade’s stead if - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - they deem that he ought to live. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For there in the searchlight’s glory, the night - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that they cut us down, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Old Injun Joe gave up his cask that another - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - might not drown. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Old Joe was a lone world-rover, the other had - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - babes on land; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No word was said, but Joe went down with a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wave of his dripping hand. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And ere the lifeboats reached us and gathered - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - our scattered few, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We saw that night what so long we’d known, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that a Glo’ster fishing crew, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Rude and rough and grimed and gruff, had - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - calmly shown again - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That on sea or sod they can meet their God in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the way that beseemeth men! - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then over her sullen bulwarks, as she stamped - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and chafed and rolled, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - From the night and wreck to her dazzling deck - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - climbed we—and our tale was told. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the dainty folk from her staterooms lis- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tened and gazed and said, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As they tiptoed across our dripping trail, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - “How awful!”—then went to bed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And our half-score left, of all bereft—com- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - rades and gear and smack— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Sat hoping our wreck would tell no tales till - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - our scattered few came back. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And haughtily unrepentant, the liner, insolent - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - still, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Through foam and spume and fog and gloom - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - drove on to wreak her will. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Were only her zeal less eager, her lust for her - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - prey less keen, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She must have sensed that horrid chill that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - shuddered from One Unseen. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But onward she plunged unheeding that there - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - in the vast, black sea, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As grim as Fate there lay in wait One mightier - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - than she. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A ghost in white before her—the fog its som- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bre pall— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And she crushed herself like dead-ripe fruit - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - against the iceberg’s wall. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then up from her perfumed cabins came pour- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ing the rich and proud, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I—poor Glo’ster fisher—I blushed for - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that maddened crowd. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There were men in silken night-gear who - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fought frail women back, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There were pampered fools who, fierce as - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ghouls, left murder in their track; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There were shrieking men whose jeweled - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hands dragged children from a boat - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And rode away in the babies’ stead when the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - life-craft went afloat. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Tis not for boast that I tell the rest: we’re - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - not of the boasting kind— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We folks that sail from Glo’ster town; but you - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - know you’ll sometimes find - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A man who sneers at a tattered coat or a sun- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - burned fist or face, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And believes that only blood or purse can - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - honor the human race. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Forlorn and few, our battered crew had stared - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - at Death that night; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Perhaps we’d known him so long and well his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - mien did not affright. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Perhaps we hide here in our hearts, below the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - rags and tan, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The honest stuff, unplaned and rough, that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - really makes the man. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For we bared our arms and we stormed the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - press—of safety took no care; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We dragged those wretches from the boats— - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - then placed the women there. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No time had we for the courtly “Please!” If - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a poltroon answered “No,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We gave him the thing that a man reserves for - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the coward’s case—a blow. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It isn’t a boast, I say again; but we stayed till - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - all had passed, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then the ragged coats of those Glo’ster men - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - went over her lee rail last. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And three of the few of our scattered crew, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - who had twice dared Fate that night, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Went down in the rush of the whirlpool’s tow - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - when the liner swooped from sight. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We ask no praise, we seek no heights above - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - our chosen place, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But the men of the Banks know how to die - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - when Davy trumps their ace. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And if need arise for a sacrifice we’ve shown, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and we’ll show again, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That on sea or sod we can meet our God in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the way that beseemeth men. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0020" id="link2H_4_0020"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE NIGHT OF THE WHITE REVIEW - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - The mandate that summons them nobody - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - knows, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Nor whose is the mystical word - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That bids the vast breast of the ocean unclose, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - When the depths are so eerily stirred. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There are omens of ocean and portents of sky - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - That the eyes of the banksman may read; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The wind tells its menace by moan or a sigh - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - To any one giving it heed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yet, fathom the whorl of a cloud though he - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - may— - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Interpret the purr of the sea— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No weatherwise fisherman truly may say - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - When the Drift of the Drowned shall be. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - <i>This alone we know: </i> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ere days of the autumn blow, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Up from the swaying ocean deeps appears the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - grisly show. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And woe to the fated crew - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who behold it passing through— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who gaze on the ghosts of the Gloucester fleets - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on the Night of the White Review. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Whence issue these fleets for their grim ren- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dewous - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And their hideous cruise, who may know? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yet they traverse the Banks ere the winter - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - storms brew, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Their pennon the banner of woe. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We know that from Quero far west to the - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Shoals.- - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The prodigal bottom is spread - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With bones and with timbers—“Went down - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - with all souls,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Tells the story of Gloucester’s dead. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And up with those souls come those vessels - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - again - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - On that mystical eve in the fall; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then out of the night to the terror of men - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They sail with the fog for a pall. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - <i>And down the swimming deep, </i> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As the fishers lie asleep, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - These craft loom out of the great, black night, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and past the living sweep. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And woe to that fated crew - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who behold them passing through— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who gaze on the ghosts of the Gloucester fleets - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on the Night of the White Review. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now here and now yonder some helmsman - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sings hail - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As the awful procession stalks past, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the horrified crew tumbles up to the rail - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To gaze on the marvel, aghast. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And then through that night, when the fishers - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ride near, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There’s a hail and a husky halloo: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Did you see”—and the voice has a quiver of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fear— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Did you see the White Banksmen sail - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - through?” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There are those who may see them—and those - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - who may not, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Though they peer to the depths of the night; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ah, ye who behold them, alas for the lot - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That grants you such ominous sight. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - <i>It augurs death and dole— </i> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That the Gloucester bells will toll— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Means another stone on Windmill Hill: “Went - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - down with every soul.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For it’s woe to that fated creva - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who behold them passing through— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who gaze on the ghosts of the Gloucester -fleets - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on the Night of the White Review. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Tis a mournful monition from those gone - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - before— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That phantom procession of Fate; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But’tis only the craven that flees to the shore, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For the fisher must work and must wait— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Must wait for the storm that shall carry him - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - down, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Must work with his dory and trawl; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There are women and babies in Gloucester town - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who are hungry. So God for us all 1 - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Though mystic and silent and pallid and weird - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Those ominous Banksmen may roam, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Though Death trails above them, where’er they - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - are steered, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We’ll work for the babies at home. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - <i>The Banks will claim their toll, </i> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And Fate makes up the roll - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of those with the humble epitaph: “Went - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dozen with every soul.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And it’s woe to that fated crew - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who behold them passing through— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who gaze on the ghosts of the Gloucester fleets - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on the Night of the White Review. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0021" id="link2H_4_0021"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE BALLAD OF ORASMUS NUTE - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - There once was a Quaker, Orasmus Nute, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a physog as stiff as a cowhide boot, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he skippered a ship from Georgetown, Maine, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In the’way-back days of the pirates’ reign. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the story I tell it has to do - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With Orasmus Nute and a black flag crew; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The tale of the upright course he went - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In the face of a certain predicament. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For Orasmus Nute was a godly man - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he faithfully followed the Quaker plan - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of love for all and a peaceful life - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And a horror of warfare and bloody strife. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While above the honors of seas and fleets - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He prized his place on “the facing seats.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ah, Orasmus Nute, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Orasmus Nute, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He never disgraced his plain drab suit. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now often he sailed for spice and teas - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Way off some place through the Barbary seas; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And once for a venture his good ship bore - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Some unhung grindstones, a score or more. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now, never in all of his trips till then - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Had he spoken those godless pirate men. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But it chanced one day near a foreign shore - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The sail of a strange craft toward him bore; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And as soon as the rig was clearly seen - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The mate allowed’twas a black lateen. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now a black lateen, as all men knew, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Was the badge of a bold, bad pirate crew. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So the mate he crammed to its rusty neck - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A grim “Long Tom” on the quarter deck, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then leaned on its muzzle a bit to pray - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And waited to hear what the skipper would say. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - For Orasmus Nute, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Orasmus Nute - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Had stepped below for to change his suit. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He asked as he came on deck again, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Does thee really think those are pirate men?” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Yea, verily,” answered the Quaker mate, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “And they come at a most unseemly gait.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Orasmus Nute looked over the rail - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - At the bulging sweep of the huge black sail; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Said he, “We are keeping our own straight - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - path, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I’m sorry to harm those men of wrath - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yet, brother, perchance we are justified - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In letting Thomas rebuke their pride. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We’ll simply give ’em a dash of fright. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So be sure, my friend, thee have aimed just - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - right.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He squinted his eye along the rust, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Now shoot,” said he, “if thee thinks thee - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - must.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ker-boomo! the old Long Thomas roared, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the big lateen flopped overboard. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - And Orasmus Nute, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Orasmus Nute, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Seemed puzzled to find that he could shoot. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Now what are those sinful men about?” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He asked, as he heard a hoarse, long shout. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the Quaker mate he answered, “Lo! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They’ve out with their oars, and here they - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - row!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Now, what in the name of William Penn,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Cried Orasmus Nute, “can ail those men? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Perchance they are after our load of stones, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Will thee roll them up here, Brother Jones? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We’ll save them all of the work we can— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As a Quaker should for his fellow man.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So as soon as the fierce, black pirate drew - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Up’longside, that Quaker crew - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Rolled those grindstones down pell-mell, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And every stone smashed through the shell - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of the pirate zebec, and down it went, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And all of the rascals to doom were sent, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While Orasmus Nute leaned over the side, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “No thanks, thee’rt welcome, my friends,” he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cried. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It chanced one wretch from the sunken craft - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Made a clutch at a rope that was trailing aft, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And up he was swarming with frantic hope, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When Orasmus cried, “Does thee want that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - rope? ” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So he cut it away with one swift hack - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a smile for the pirate as he dropped back. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the Quaker skipper surveyed the sea - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “God loveth the generous man,” quoth he. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Then Orasmus Nute, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Orasmus Nute - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Went down and resumed his Quaker suit. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0022" id="link2H_4_0022"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE DORYMAN’S SONG - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - <i>Dory here an’ Dora there, </i> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - They keep a man a-guessin’; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ here’s a prayer for a full-bin fare, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - —Then home for the parson’s blessin’! - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ruddy an’ round as the skipper’s phiz, out of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the sea he rolls, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —The fisherman’s sun, an’ the day’s begun for - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the men on the Grand Bank shoals. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With pipe alight an’ snack stowed tight under - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a bulgin’ vest, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ll over with dory an’ in with the trawls for - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the wind is fair sou’ west. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —The wind is fair sou’ west, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The fish-slick stripes the crest - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of every curlin’, swingin’ an’ swirlin’, billowin’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ocean-guest, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That sweeps to the wind’ard rail - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ under the bulgin’ sail - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Seems wavin’ its welcome with clots of foam - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that are tossed by the roguish gale. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - <i>Dory here an’ Dora there, </i> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ‘Way over yon at Glo’stcr; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Those clots of foam seem letters from - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - home - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - To pledge I haven’t lost her. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Friskily kickin’, the dories dance, churnin’ the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - foamin’ lee, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a duck an’ a dive an’ a skip an’ skive— - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the bronchos of the sea. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Sheerin’ an’ veerin’ with painter a-flirt, like a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - frolicsome filly’s tail, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Now a sweep on the heavin’ deep, close to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the saggin’ rail, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Close to the saggin’ rail, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jump! If you cringe or fail, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You’re doin’ a turn in the wake astern in the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - role of a grampus whale. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As she poises herself to spring, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Nimble an’ mischievous thing, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There’s only the flash of a second of time to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - capture her on the wing. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - <i>Dory here an’ Dora there! </i> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Sure, they drive me frantic. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For one she swims on the ocean of whims, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - An’ one on the broad Atlantic. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Sowin’ the bait from the trawl-heaped tubs, I - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - pull at my old T. D. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ I dream of a pearl of a Glo’ster girl, who’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - waitin’ at home for me; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Statin’ she’s waitin’ is not to say she’s prom- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ised as yet her hand, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For she’s wild as my dory—she keeps me in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - worry;—they’re hard to understand. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —They’re hard to understand, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But I’ve got the question planned, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Please God, I’ll know if it’s weal or woe as - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - soon as I get to land. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For a man who can catch the swing, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of a dory—mischievous thing— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Has certainly grit to capture a chit of a maid - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - about to spring. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - <i>Dory here an’ Dora there! </i> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - They keep a man a-guessin’, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ here’s a prayer for a full-bin fare, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Then home for the parson’s blessin’. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0005" id="linkimage-0005"> </a> - </p> - <div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> - <img src="images/0091.jpg" alt="0091 " width="100%" /><br /> - </div> - <h5> - <a href="images/0091.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> - </h5> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0023" id="link2H_4_0023"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - WE FELLERS DIGGIN’ CLAMS - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Pluck, pluck, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Pluck, pluck! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Stubbin’ acrost the clam-flat muck! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ev’ry time I lift my huck, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Hearin’ the heel of my old boot suck, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It seems to me that a word plops out, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I’ve listened so often there ain’t no - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - doubt - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It’s pluck, pluck, pluck. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And pluck and the job they jest agree - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Dig clams, my lad, for a while and see! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It’s a stiddy kind of bus’ness an’ it ain’t for - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - shiny boots, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But still—ye know,’tain’t bad! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It ain’t an occurpation for the millionaire ga- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - loots, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But’tain’t so mighty wuss, my lad. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It’s a stiddy kind of bus’ness where there ain’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - no room for doubt - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As to what’ull be the profit and where ye’re - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cornin’ out. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For there ain’t no books and ledgers, and no - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - botherin’ with deals, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No dodgin’ law and lawyers and no stock con- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - trivin’ steals. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Simply take a leaky dory and a basket and a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hoe, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And you’re fixed for doin’ bus’ness—ev’ry fel- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ler has a show. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When the old Atlantic ocean pulls away his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - swashin’ tide - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Why, the bank is there ‘before you and the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - doors are opened wide; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The flats are there etarnal and you never find - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the sign - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Sayin’, “Bank has shet up business—pres’- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dent’s skipped acrost the line.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Shuck away yer co’t and weskit, grab the clam- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hoe’s muddy haft, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And endorsed by grit and muscle you’ll get - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cash on ev’ry draft. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For yer check-book’s there, the clam flat; and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - yer pen, sir, is the hoe, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And accounts are balanced daily by the ocean’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ebb and flow. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then the climbin’, crawlin’ water rubs the dig- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - gin’ marks away, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the clams are jest as plenty when you - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - come another day. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the sleep that follers labor kind of smooths’- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - us, as the tide - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Smooths the nickin’s on the clam-flats where - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - our busy hoes have pried. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So the nights are nights of comfort and I - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - mostly can forget - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That the days are days of diggin’,—cold and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - muddy, lame and wet. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For Fd rather have a backache than a rattled, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - burnin’ brain, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I guess I’m fair contented with the clam - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - flats here in Maine. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For I’m thinkin’ worried critters in the rushin’, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - pushin’ jams - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Likely’nough ain’t nigh so happy as we fellers - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - diggin’ clams. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0024" id="link2H_4_0024"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - DAN’L AND DUNK - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Dan’l and Dunk and the yaller dog were the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - owners and crew of the Pollywog, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A hand-line smack that cuffed the seas’twixt - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ’Tinicus Head and Point Quahaug. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Dunk owned half and Dan owned half, and the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - yaller dog was also joint, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They fished and ate and swapped their bait and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - always agreed on every point. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Dunk to Dan and Dan to Dunk,— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Whenever he chawed would pass the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hunk; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Never a “hitch” more friendly than - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That of the dog and Dunk and Dan. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They labored steady and labored square, fairly - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dividing every fare, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And never could anything break their bonds, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - each to the other would often swear. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But alas, one day in a joking way they fell on - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the topic of years and age, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And tackled the subject of boughten teeth, and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - spirited argument they did wage. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For Dan insisted that sets of teeth were glued - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to the sides of the wearers’ jaws, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Never had seen ’em, he frankly owned, but - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he knew ’twas so, “wal, jest because.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While Dunk, with notions fully as firm, clawed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - at his frosty whisker fringe, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And allowed that he knew that sets of teeth - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - were hitched together with spring and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hinge. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So, still perverse, they argued on—the quarrel, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - you see, was their very first; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas as though they had taken a sip of brine; - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the more they quaffed, the worse their - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - thirst. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They argued early and argued late and the dog - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - surveyed them with wistful look - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For, the more they talked the worse they - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - balked, and forgot to fish or eat or cook. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Dan at Dunk and Dunk at Dan, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - —On contention ran and ran, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - And rancor spread its sullen fog - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ‘Twixt Dunk and Dan and the yaller - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - dog. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - At last old Dunk uprose and cried, “Say old - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hoss-mack’ril, blast yer hide, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’m sick of clack and fuss and gab; it’s time, I - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - reckin, that we divide. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ seein’ as how I’ve spoke the fust, I’ll take - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the starn-end here for mine.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With chalk he zoned the dingy deck and roared, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Git for’rard acrost that line!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He lighted his pipe and twirled the wheel and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - calmly then he crossed his knees. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Go for’rard,” said he, “this end is mine an’ - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ll steer jest where I gol-durn please.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For’rard went Dan with never a word, never - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - protested, never demurred, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But as soon as he reached the cat-head bolt the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sound of hammer on steel was heard. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Splash! went the anchor, and there they swung, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fast to the bottom on Doghead shoal; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “The bow-end’s mine,” yelled Dan to Dunk, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “now steer if ye want to, blast yer soul!” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Dunk to Dan, and Dan to Dunk— - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Swore they’d sit there till she sunk. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Neither to compromise would incline, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - And the dog stood straddling the mid- - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - dle line. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ll frankly own I cannot state how long en- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dured that sullen wait, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I only know they never returned and no one - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ever has learned their fate. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Perhaps a gale with a lashing tail, champing - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and roaring and frothing wild, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Clawed them tinder, as there they rode, or a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hooting liner over them piled. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But known it is that for days and weeks the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - schooner swayed and sogged and tossed, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Straining her rusty cable-chains, before all - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - trace of her was lost. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No one knows how they met their death, but - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - certain it is that Dunk and Dan, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Each decided he’d rather die than surrender a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - point to the other man. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Perhaps, at the end of a month or so, Dunk de- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cided he’d sink his half, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Or Dan touched match and burned his end, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - then went to death with a scornful laugh. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - However it was, this much is sure, that out - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - from the Grand Banks’ sombre fog, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Never came back the Pollywog smack, or - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Dunk or Dan or the yaller dog. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0025" id="link2H_4_0025"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE AWFUL WAH-HOOH-WOW - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - <i>She’s ashore in Gloucester harbor, with a </i> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - weary, lear y list, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ the mud is creepin’, creepin’ to her rail; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She’s sound in ev’ry timber—is the Mary of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the Mist, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But the broom is at her mast-head as a sign - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that she’s for sale. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yet no one wants to try her, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She cannot find a buyer— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The Hoodoo is upon her, an’ here I give the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tale. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - (The story has a warnin’ that’s as plain as - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - plain can be, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ ’tis: Never go to triflin’ with the secrets </i> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of the sea.) - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Peter Perkinson, a P. I. from Prince Edward - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Island, signed - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With Foster’s folks of Gloucester for a - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “chancin’ trip,” hand-lined; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ when we counted noses as we rounded - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Giant’s Grist - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We found the chap among us on the Mary of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the Mist. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ we sized him for a “conjer” ere we’d - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fairly got to sea; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The wind was whiffin’ crooked, jest as mean as - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - mean could be; - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - “<i>P. I.” is colloquial term for Prince Edward </i> - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Islander. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then the skipper spied the P. I. fubbin’ secret - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - at the mast, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ at once he got suspicious an’ he overhauled - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - him fast. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The chap had made some markin’s an’ he’d - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - driven in a nail— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Oh, we understood him perfect—he was raisin’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - up a gale. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The skipper gave him tophet, but the damage - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - then was done— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The gale came up a-roarin’ with the settin’ of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the sun. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then we wallered to the west’ard an’ we wal- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lered to the east, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ we seemed the core an’ bowels of a gob of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wind an’ yeast. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We smashed our way to suth’ard, an’ we clawed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - an’ ratched to west, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There was scarcely time for eatin’; there was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - never chance for rest, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With the liners slammin’ past us through the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fog an’ spume an’ rain, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ the Mary dodgin’ passers like a puppy in a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lane. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The third day found us flappin’ with a mighty - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ragged wash, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The lee rail runnin’ under an’ the trawl tubs all - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a-swash, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ at last the plummet told us we were backin’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to’ards the shoals, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yet we couldn’t ratch an’ leave ’em with our - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - canvas rags an’ holes. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - T ack—tack—tack— - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Still a-slippin’ back; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ‘Twas a time for meditatin’ on the prospects - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - for our souls. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then up spoke Isaac Innis, with a starin’, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - glarin’ glance, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ he says: “My friends, I’m lookin’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - where I look! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I hain’t a saint in no way, an’ I’ll give a man a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - chance, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But I think I see a Jonah if I hain’t a lot - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - mistook. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I reckon ye discern him, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now over goes he, durn him, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Unless he squares the Hoodoo that he’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - brought, by hook or crook.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - (We stood there, grim an’ solemn, an’ we - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bent our gaze upon - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The stranger “conjer” sailor, that P. I.— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Perkinson.) - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He never flinched nor quivered, though we’d - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - reckoned that he would, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He simply turned an’ faced us, an’ he says: “I - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - meant ye good. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I asked a breeze from suth’ard, but it slipped - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - an’ got away; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Still, you needn’t worry, shipmates! When I - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - owe a debt I’ll pay.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He reeved a coil of hawser that the Mary car- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ried spare, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ fastened on a gang-hook an’ baited it with - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - care. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then he took a magic vial an’ he sprinkled on - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the bait - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A charm that Splithoof gave him, it is safe to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - calkerlate. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He hitched a dagon-sinker an’ he let the line - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - run free, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ overboard he fired it, kersplasho, in the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sea, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We didn’t get the language of the secret spells - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he said, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But we gathered he was fishin’ on the deepest - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ocean bed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We heard him as he muttered an’ it seemed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that he could tell - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - What kind of fish was bitin’, with an eyesight - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - straight from hell. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Ah, brim,” he sort o’ chanted as he gave the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - line a twig— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ must pay his lawful tribute to the awful - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Wah-hooh-wow. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We saw Its neck a-curvin’ an’ we heard Its red - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tongue lick - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As It drooled an’ swoofed the drippin’s, and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - then, as one might pick - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A ripe an’ juicy cherry, It grabbed that “con- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - jer” man - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ sank with coils a-flashin’ in the light from - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - old Cape Ann, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ we—we towed with dories till we got to - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Gloucester shore— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ you’ll never get a Banksman on the Mary - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - any more. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No—no—no! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Not a man will go, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For her towage fee hain’t settled till the Wah- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hooh-wow takes four. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She’s ashore in Gloucester harbor with a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - weary, leary list, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ the mud is creepin’, creepin’ to her rail; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She’s sound in ev’ry timber—is the Mary of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the Mist, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But the broom is at her mast-head as a sign - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that she’s for sale. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yet no one wants to try her, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She cannot find a buyer— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The Hoodoo is upon her, an’ I’ve given you the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tale. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - (The story has a Warnin’ that’s as plain as - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - plain can be, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ ’tis: Never go to triflin’ with the secrets - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of the sea.) - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0026" id="link2H_4_0026"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - SKIPPER JASON ELLISON - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - His nose was like a liver hung against a Hub- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bard squash, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —That nose of Jason Ellison, the skipper of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the “Hanks.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - His nose was like a liver and the color wouldn’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wash, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But the men that “chanced” on trips with him, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - they always got the dosh,. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For there wa’n’t another skipper who could - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - touch him on the Banks. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Whether biz was tight or slack, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —When Jase came sailin’ back - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A gang was always coaxin’ for a berth upon - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his smack. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Not another Gloucester skipper - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Had sech easy job to ship a - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Topper-notcher fishin’ crew, with ev’ry man a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - crack. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For, you see, he was a wizard;—he did won- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ders with that nose, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He could sniff and tell the weather-sign of ev’ry - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - gust that rose; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You could figure from its color’twas a most - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - uncommon snoot, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And whenever he predicted no one ventured to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dispute. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - His eye could nail a fish-slick off a league or so - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - away, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —He could look around a corner, so his fel- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lows used to say; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But the thing’twas most uncommon—where - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - our whole dependence hung, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Was his long and round and peak-ed champion - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - taster of a tongue. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas always out and chasin’ round the edges - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of his lip; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When a nasty time was brewin’ - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It was always out and doin’ - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Like as though it felt responsible for helpin’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - handle ship. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It had tasted ev’ry bottom soil from Quero to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the Cow, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It knew the taste and savor, the place and where - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and how. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Darkest night or wildest hurricane that ever - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ramped or blew, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We never lost our bearin’s, for old Jason always - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - knew. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We would take some mutton taller and we’d - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fill the hollowed head - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of the plummet, smooth and even, then a man - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - would throw the lead. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And we’d pass her back to Jason and he’d turn - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the plummet up, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Taste the scrimp of soil that stuck there on the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - taller in the cup, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he’d tell us where we headed, though the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - night be black’s a coal, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For he knew the taste of bottoms from the Cow - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to Quero Shoal. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Told us easy, off the reel, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - What was underneath our keel, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Didn’t need the sun or quadrant with old - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jason at the wheel; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He was only once mistaken in the memory of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - men, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —And we’ve always kept insistin’ that he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wa’n’t mistaken then. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The storm came down upon us from the nor’- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - nor’east by east, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - —’Twas an equinoctial pealer, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - A reg’lar ring-tail squealer, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The sky was hasty puddin’ and the sea beneath - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - was yeast. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When the Hanks went tossin’ up’ards it really - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - seemed we flew, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the sky seemed splittin’ open for to let - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - our vessel through; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When we wallowed down wher-rooshin’ in the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - gulf that gawped beneath, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We’d’a’ left our hearts behind us if we hadn’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - clinched our teeth. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - We’d really seem to feel - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Old Hankses’ battered keel - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Go bumpin’ on the bottom when she made her - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - downward reel. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - But the more she blew and blew, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Old Jason cheered his crew, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —His whiskers whipping snappin’ as the wind - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - went screamin’ through. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So we hung to brace and riggin’ and we let her - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - roar and roll, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While each man pinned to Ellison the safety of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his soul. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then at last we knew’twas night-time by the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - thick’nin’ overhead, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And Jason licked his taster and he yelled: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Now throw the lead!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ we—we blinked to watch him from the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - darkness where we clung, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And waited for the verdict, of that long and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - peak-ed tongue. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He tasted—then he waited, and he smacked his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lips a spell, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He tasted—tasted—tasted, then he gave an - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - awful yell: - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - “My God, ye critters, pray!” - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - —He slung the lead away,— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And howled: “The world is endin’! It’s the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - final Judgment Day! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That plummet, there, has brought us up a hand- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ful of the loam - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - From the Widder Abbott’s garden on the Neck - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ro’d, back at home. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A tidal wave has lifted us—the Hanks has run - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - away! - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - —It has tossed’er over Glo’ster, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - And we sartin sure have lost’er, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Less ye pray, ye sin-struck critters,’less ye - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - pray, pray, pray!” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Each clung to rope and stanchion, each hung to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stay and brace, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Each prayed up at the heavens while the spin- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - drift lashed his face; - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - We prayed and prayed till mornin’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Till the early, yaller dawnin’ - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Lit up the sea around us, and it also lit our - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - case; - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Then we found an explanation - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Of the sing’lar situation - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That was figgered in the darkness of the night - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - by Uncle Jase. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For we noticed there was settin’ up against the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - le’ward rail - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Some lavender and other yarbs, a-growin’ in a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - pail. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - —They’d been brought aboard by Jase - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Who had worn a meechin’ face, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For his sparkin’ of the widder was the gossip - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of the place. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He knowed a flower-garden looked peecooliar - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on the Hanks, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But he wanted some momentum of the widder - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on the Banks. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now, the plummet bein’ handled in the dark- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ness of that night - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Somehow cuffed that dirt in passin’—as ye - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - might say, took a bite. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And Jason knew the flavor of that scrimp of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - garden loam, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —There wa’n’t a soil to fool him’twixt Quero - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Shoal and home. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - By the flavor and the feel - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - He could tell us off the reel, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The name of any bottom that was underneath - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - our keel. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He was only once mistaken in the memory of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - men, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And his crew will keep insistin’ that he wa’n’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - mistaken then. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0027" id="link2H_4_0027"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - BALLADS OF DRIVE AND CAMP - </h2> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0028" id="link2H_4_0028"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE RAPO-GENUS CHRISTMAS BALL - </h2> - <p> - <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0006" id="linkimage-0006"> </a> - </p> - <div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> - <img src="images/0115.jpg" alt="0115 " width="100%" /><br /> - </div> - <h5> - <a href="images/0115.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> - </h5> - <p class="indent15"> - There had been no social doings since the drive - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - had passed the flume, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the section from Seboomook to the - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Chutes was rather blue; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So the folks at Rapo-genus, where there’s rum - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - enough and room, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Arranged a Christmas function and invited - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Murphy’s crew. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The folks at Rapo-genus hired Ezra Hewson’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hall, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And posted up the notice for “Our Yearly - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Christmas Ball.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now Murphy’s crew was willing and they - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - walked the fifteen miles, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And arrived at Rapo-genus wearing most be- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - nignant smiles. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The genial floor director waited near the outer - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - door, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And pleasantly suggested they remove the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - boots they wore. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He said that Rapo-genus wished to make of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - this affair - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An elegant occasion, “reshershay and day- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bonair;” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So it seemed the town’s opinion, after many - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - long disputes, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That’twas time to change the custom and ex- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - clude the spike-sole boots. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He owned’twas rather drastic and would cause - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a social jar - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twixt Upper Ambejejus and the Twin Deps- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - connequah, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “But ’tis settled,” so he told them, “that nary - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lady likes - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To do these fancy dances with a gent what’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wearin’ spikes. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So I asks ye very kindly, but I asks ye one and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - all, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To leave your brogan calkers on the outside of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - this hall.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “This ’ere is sort o’ sudden,” said the boss of - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Murphy’s crew, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Jest excuse us for a minute, but we don’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - know what to do. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We’ve attended social functions at the Upper - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Churchill Chutes, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ the smartest set they had there was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a-wearin’ spike-sole boots. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Excuse us for the mention, but we feel com- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - pelled to say, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Tisn’t fair to shift a fashion all a sudden, this - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’ere way; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ the local delegation, when it came with the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - in-vite, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Omitted partunt leathers in its mention of to- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - night. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So I guess ye’ll have to take us with these - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - spikes upon our soles, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We can’t appear in stockin’s,’cause the most of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - us have holes.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But the genial floor director guarded still the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - outer door - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And declared that “gents with spikers weren’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - allowed upon the floor.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He said’twas very awkward that special guests - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - should thus - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Be kept in outer darkness, and he didn’t want a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fuss. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But so long as Rapogenusites had issued their - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - decree - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He hadn’t any option, “as a gent with sense - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - could see.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So he passed his ultimatum, “Ye must shed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - them spike-sole boots! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For we hain’t the sort of humstrums that ye’ll - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - find at Churchill Chutes.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then up spoke Smoky Finnegan, the boss of - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Murphy’s crew, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Said he, “The push at Churchill sha’n’t be - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - slurred by such as you. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We’re gents that’s very gentle an’ we never - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - make a fuss, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But in slurrin’ folks at Churchill ye are also - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - slurrin’ us. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We have interduced the fashions up at Church- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ill quite a while, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ no Rapo-genus half-breeds have the right - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to trig our style. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - If ye’ve dropped the vogue of spikers at the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - present Christmas ball - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We will start the fashion over, good and solid, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that is all! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So, mister, please excuse us, but ye’ll open up - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - your sluice, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Or God have mercy on ye if I turn these gents - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - here loose!” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then the genial floor director shouted back - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - within the room, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Ho, men of Rapo-genus, here is trouble at - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the boom!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But even as he shouted, with a rush and crush - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and roar, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Like a bursting jam of timber Murphy’s angels - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stormed the door. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then against them rose the sawyers of the - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Rapo-genus mill, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who rallied for the conflict with a most in- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - trepid will, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But by new decree of fashion they were wear- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ing boughten suits - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And even all the boomsmen had put off their - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - spike-sole boots. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So that gallant crew of Murphy’s simply trod - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - upon their feet, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And backward, howling, cursing, they com- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - pelled them to retreat. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The air was full of slivers as the spikers chewed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the floor, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the man whose feet were punctured didn’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - battle any more. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Now, fellers, boom the outfit,” shouted Fin- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - negan, the boss, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - His choppers formed a cordon and they swept - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the room across; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The people who were standing at the walls in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - double ranks, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Were pulled and thrown to center at the order, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Clear the banks!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then they herded Rapo-genus in the middle of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the room, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And slung themselves around it like a human - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - pocket-boom. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - All the matrons and the maidens were as - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - frightened as could be - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When Finnegan commanded, “Now collect the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - boomage fee!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - At a corner of the cordon they arranged a sort- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ing-gap - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And one by one the women were escorted from - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the trap, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And without a word of protest, as they drifted - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - slowly through, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They paid their tolls in kisses to the men of - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Murphy’s crew. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And at last when all the women had been sorted - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - from the crowd, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The men were “second-raters,” so the boss of - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Murphy’s vowed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “We will raft them down as pulp-stuff!” and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he yelled to close about, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Now, my hearties, start the windlass,” or- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dered he, “we’ll warp ’em out!” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Through the doorway, down the stairway, grim - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and struggling, thronged the press, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —All the brawn of Rapo-genus fighting hard - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - without success, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They were herded down the middle of the - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Rapo-genus street, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —If they tried to buck the center they were - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bradded on the feet; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They were yarded at the river; Murphy’s pea- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - vies smashed the ice, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Though the men of Rapo-genus couldn’t smash - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that human vise - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That held them, jammed them, forced them! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When the water touched their toes, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then at last they fought like demons for to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - save their boughten clothes. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But as fierce were Murphy’s hearties, and their - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - spikers helped them win, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For they kicked and spurred their victims and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - they dragged them shrieking in. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then with water to their shoulders there they - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - kept them in the wet - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While they gave them points on breeding and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the rules of etiquette. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And at midnight’twas decided by a universal - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - vote - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That the strict demands of fashion do not call - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - for vest or coat; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That’twixt Upper Ambejejus and the Twin - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Depsconnequah - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0029" id="link2H_4_0029"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - BALLADS OF DRIVE AND CAMP - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Shirts of red and checkered flannel are the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - smartest form, by far. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And that gents may chew tobacco was declared - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - in all ways fit - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - If they only use discretion as to when and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - where they spit. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And above all future cavil, sneer or jeer or vain - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - disputes, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - High was set this social edict: “Gents may - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wear their spike-sole boots.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then the men of Rapo-genus and the men of - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Murphy’s crew - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They dissolved their joint convention—they - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - were near dissolving, too! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And to counteract the action of the water on - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the skin - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They applied some balmy lotion to the proper - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - parts within. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then they danced till ruddy morning, and their - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - drying garments steamed, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And awful was the shrinkage of those seven- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dollar suits! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the feet of Murphy’s woodsmen gashed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and slashed and clashed and seamed, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Till a steady rain of slivers rained behind - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - those bradded boots. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —And all disputes of etiquette were buried once - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - for all, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - At that Christmas social function, the Rapo- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - genus Ball. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0030" id="link2H_4_0030"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - WHEN THE ALLEGASH DRIVE GOES THROUGH - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - We’re spurred with the spikes in our soles; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There is water a-swash in our boots; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Our hands are hard-calloused by peavies and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - poles, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And we’re drenched with the spume of the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - chutes. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We gather our herds at the head - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Where the axes have toppled them loose, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And down from the hills where the rivers are - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fed - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We harry the hemlock and spruce. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We hurroop them with the peavies from their - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sullen beds of snow; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With the pickpole for a goadstick, down the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - brimming streams we go; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They are hitching, they are halting, and they - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lurk and hide and dodge, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They sneak for skulking eddies, they bunt the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bank and lodge. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And we almost can imagine that they hear the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - yell of saws - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the grunting of the grinders of the paper- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - mills because - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They loiter in the shallows and they cob-pile at - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the falls, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And they buck like ugly cattle where the broad - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - deadwater crawls. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But we wallow in and welt ’em with the water - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to our waist, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For the driving pitch is dropping and the - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Drouth is gasping “Haste!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Here a dam and there a jam, that is grabbed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - by grinning rocks, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Gnawed by the teeth of the ravening ledge that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - slavers at our flocks; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Twenty a month for daring Death; for fighting - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - from dawn to dark— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Twenty and grub and a place to sleep in God’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - great public park; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We roofless go, with the cook’s bateau to fol- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - low our hungry crew— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A billion of spruce and hell turned loose when - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the Allegash drive goes through. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - My lad with the spurs at his heel - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Has a cattle-ranch bronco to bust; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A thousand of Texans to wheedle and wheel - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To market through smother and dust. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But I with the peavy and pole - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Am driving the herds of the pine, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Grant to my brother what suits his soul, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But no bellowing brutes in mine. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He would wince to wade and wallow—and I - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hate a horse or steer! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But we stand the kings of herders—he for - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There and I for Here. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Though he rides with Death behind him when - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he rounds the wild stampede, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I will chop the jamming king-log and I’ll match - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - him, deed for deed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And for me the greenwood savor and the lash - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - across my face - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of the spitting spume that belches from the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - back-wash of the race; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The glory of the tumult where the tumbling - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - torrent rolls - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a half a hundred drivers riding through - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - with lunging poles. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Here’s huzza for reckless chances! Here’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hurrah for those who ride - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Through the jaws of boiling sluices, yeasty - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - white from side to side! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Our brawny fists are calloused and we’re mostly - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - holes and hair, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But if grit were golden bullion we’d have coin - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to spend, and spare! - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Here some rips and there the lips of a whirl- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - pool’s bellowing mouth, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Death we clinch and Time we fight, for be- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hind us gasps the Drouth. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Twenty a month, bateau for a home, and only - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a peep at town, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For our money is gone in a brace of nights - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - after the drive is down; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But with peavies and poles and care-free souls - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - our ragged and roofless crew - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Swarms gayly along with whoop and song - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - when the Allegash drive does through. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0031" id="link2H_4_0031"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE KNIGHT OF THE SPIKE-SOLE BOOTS - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - They had told me to’ware of the “Hulling - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Machine,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But a tenderfoot is a fool! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Though the man that’s new to a birch canoe - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Believes that he knows, as a rule. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They had told me to carry a mile above - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Where the broad deadwater slips - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Into fret and shoal to tumble and roll - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In the welter of Schoodic rips; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But knowing it all, as a green man does, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And lazy, as green men are, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I hated to pack on my aching back - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - My duffle and gear so far. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So, as down the rapids there stretched a strip - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a most encouraging sheen, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I settled the blade of my paddle and made - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For the head of the “Hulling Machine.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It wasn’t because I hadn’t been warned - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That I rode full tilt at Death— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It was simply the plan of an indolent man - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To save his back and his breath. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For I reckoned I’d slice for the left-hand shore - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When the roar of the falls drew near, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I braced my knees and took my ease— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There was nothing to do but steer. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - (<i>There are many savage cataracts, slavering </i> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - for prey, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ‘<i>Twixt Abol-jackamcgus and the lower Brass- </i> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - u-a, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But of all the yowling demons that are wicked - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and accurst, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The demon of the Hulling Place is ugliest and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - worst.) - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now the strip in that river like burnished steel - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Looked comfortable and slow, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But my birch canoe went shooting through - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Like an arrow out of a bow. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the way was hedged by ledges that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - grinned - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As they shredded the yeasty tide - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And hissed and laughed at my racing craft - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As it drove on its headlong ride. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I sagged on the paddle and drove it deep, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But it snapped like a pudding-stick, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then I staked my soul on my steel-shod pole, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the pole smashed just as quick. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There was nothing to do but to clutch the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - thwarts - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And crouch in that birchen shell, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And grit my teeth as I viewed beneath - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The boil of that watery hell. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I may have cursed—I don’t know now— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I may have prayed or wept, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But I yelled halloo to Connor’s crew - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As past their camp I swept. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I yelled halloo and I waved adieu - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a braggart’s shamming mien, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then over the edge of the foaming ledge - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I dropped in the “Hulling Machine.” - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - (<i>A driver hates a coward as he hates diluted </i> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - rye; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Stiff upper-lip for living, stiff backbone when - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - you die! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They cheered me whcn I passed them; they - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - followed me with cheers, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That, as bracers for a dying man, are better far - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - than tears.) - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The “Hulling Place” spits a spin of spume - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Steaming from brink to brink, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And it seemed that my soul was cuffed in a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bowl - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Where a giant was mixing his drink. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And ’twas only by luck or freak or fate, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Or because I’m reserved to be hung, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That I found myself on a boulder shelf - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Where I flattened and gasped and clung. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To left the devilment roared and boiled, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To right it boiled and roared; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - On either side the furious tide - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Denied all hope of ford. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So I clutched at the face of the dripping ledge - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And crouched from the lashing rain, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While the thunderous sound of the tumult - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ground - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Its iron into my brain. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I stared at the sun as he blinked above - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Through whorls of the rolling mists, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I said good-by and prepared to die - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As the current wrenched my wrists. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But just as I loosened my dragging clutch, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Out of the spume and fogs - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A chap drove through—one o’ Connor’s crew— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Riding two hemlock logs. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He was holding his pick-pole couched at Death - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As though it were lance in rest, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And his spike-sole boots, as firm as roots, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In the splintered bark were pressed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - If this be sacrilege, pardon me, pray; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But a robe such as angels wear - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Seemed his old red shirt with its smears of dirt, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And a halo his mop of hair; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And never a knight in a tournament - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Rode lists with a jauntier mien - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Than he of the drive who came alive - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Through the hell of the “Hulling Ma- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - chine.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He dragged me aboard with a giant swing, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he guided the rushing raft - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Serenely cool to the foam-flecked pool - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Where the dimpling shallows laughed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he drawled as he poled to the nearest - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - shore, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While I stuttered my gratitude: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “I jest came through to show that crew - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’m a match for a sportsman dude.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There are only two who have raced those falls - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And by lucky chance were spared: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Myself dragged there in a fool’s despair - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he, the man who dared! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I make no boast, as you’ll understand, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And there’s never a boast from him; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And even his name is lost to fame— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I simply know’twas “Jim.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - If Jim was a fool, as I hear you say - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a sneer beneath your breath, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So were knights of old who in tourneys bold - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Lunged blithesomely down at Death. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And if I who was snatched from the jaws of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hell - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Am to name a knight to you, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Here’s the Knight of the Firs, of the Spike- - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - S’ole Spurs, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That man from Connor’s crew! - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0032" id="link2H_4_0032"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - ’BOARD FOR THE ALLEGASH” - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - A hundred miles through the wilds of Maine - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You soon may ride on a railroad train. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Some Yankee hustlers have planned the scheme - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To take the place of the tote-road team. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They have the charter, the grit and cash - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To stretch their tracks to the Allegash. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Along the length of the forest route - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The woodland creatures will hear the hoot - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of the bullgine’s whistle, where up to now - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The big bull moose has called his cow. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And old Katahdin’s long fin-back - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Will echo loud with the clickity-clack - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of wheels that merrily clatter and clash - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Through the sylvan wastes toward the Allegash. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Sing hey! for the route to Churchill Lake, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But oh, for the chap who twists the brake. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - His buckskin gloves will save the wear - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - On his good stout palms, you know, but where - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Will he find relief when his throat is lame - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With the wrench of a yard-long Indian name? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Tis something, friend, of a lingual trick - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To say “Seboois” and “Wassataquoick,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Lunksoos,” is tame and “Nesourdneheunk,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But what do you say to a verbal chunk - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To chew at once of the size of this: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Pok-um-kes-wango-mok-kessis”? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I don’t believe’twould phase a man - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To bellow out “Lah-kah-hegan - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - His windpipe scarcely would get a crook - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - By spouting forth, “Pong-kwahemook,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And even “Pata-quon-gamis” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Is easy. But just look at this: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ah, where is he who wouldn’t run - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - From “Ap-mo-jenen-ma-ganun”? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - E’en “Umbazookskus” scratches some, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But doesn’t this just strike you dumb? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Nahma-juns-kwon-ahgamoc”? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Just think of having that to sock - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Athwart the palpitating air - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Straight at a frightened passengaire. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Hot bearings can be swabbed with oil, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And busted culverts yield to toil, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - One can replace a broken rail - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But larynxes are not on sale. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So, while it’s hey for Churchill Lake - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It’s oh, for the chap who twists the brake. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0033" id="link2H_4_0033"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE WANGAN CAMP - </h2> - <p class="indent20"> - <i>The wangan camp! * </i> - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - The wangan camp! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Did ye ever go a-shoppin’ in the wangan - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - camp? - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You can get some plug tobacker or a lovely - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - corn-cob pipe, - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - * <i>The wangan is the woods store that most of the </i> - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Maine lumber camps maintain. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Or a pair o’ fuzzy trowsers that was picked - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - before they’s ripe. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They fit ye like your body had a dreadful - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lookin’ twist; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There is shirts that’s red and yaller and with - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - plaids as big’s your fist; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There are larrigans and shoe-packs for all - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - makes and shapes of men, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As yaller as the standers of a Cochin China - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hen, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The goods is rather shop-worn and purraps a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - leetle damp, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —But you take ’em or you leave ’em—either - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - suits the wangan camp. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - <i>The wangan camp! </i> - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - The wangan camp! - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - There is never any mark-downs at the - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - wangan camp. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The folks that knit the stockin’s that they sell - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to us, why say— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They’d git as rich as Moses on a half of what - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - we pay. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I haven’t seen the papers, but I jedge this - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Bower war - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Is a-raisin’ Ned with prices—they are wust I - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ever saw. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I was figg’rin’ t’other ev’nin’ what I’d bought, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —by Jim, I’ll bet - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That a few more pairs o’larrigans will fetch me - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - out in debt. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For I’ve knowed a stiddy worker to go out as - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - poor’s a tramp - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Cause he traded som’at reg’lar at the com- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - p’ny’s wangan camp. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - <i>The wangan camp! </i> - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - The wangan camp! - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - They tuck it to you solid at the wangan - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - camp. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0034" id="link2H_4_0034"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - PLUG TOBACCO AT SOURDNAHUNK - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Now just for a moment I’ll let the machine, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Grind lyrical praise of the base nicotine. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —An ode of a sort of a commonplace stripe - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Addressed to plebeian cut-plug and the pipe. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Oh, answer me now, gentle friends of the line, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who have sought the blest haunts of the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - spruce and the pine, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Have you found in the woods that a fragrant - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cigar - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Tastes worse than an elm-root slopped over - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - with tar? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Queer thing, that, my friend, but it’s none the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - less true, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —This quirk of tobacco—I’ll leave it to you! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But there’s savor in wreaths from the brier and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cob, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In the depths of the forest afar from the mob; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And an incense that’s sweet to ecstatic degree - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Curls up from the bowl of the ancient T. D. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While choicest Perfectos smell ranker than - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - punk - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In the shade of the hemlocks of Sourdnahunk. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ah, here do the tables most wondrously turn! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The city olfactories sniff if you burn - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Aught else than the finest Havana in rolls; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Folks turn up their noses at cut-plug in bowls; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You may roam where you like with the base - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cigarette - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But you can’t smoke your pipe in the house, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - now you bet. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For curtains and pictures and hangings and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lace - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - All flutter rebukingly there in your face; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And wife and the daughters and neighbors all - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cough - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And wish that the pipe-smoking man would - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - break off. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But ah, gentle fisher, the woods shout to thee, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With fervent request that you bring the T. D. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For the reek that the flavored tobacco roll pours - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Belongs back in town and not here out-of- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - doors. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Leave there city manners, creased trousers, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - your “job,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Bring here to the woods your tobacco and cob, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The hemlocks above you will tenderly sigh - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As the incense from pipe bowls drifts past to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the sky. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ah, human magician, the secret is yours! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Would you work mystic charms in the world - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - out-of-doors? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Take you the alembic of chastened brown bowl. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Touch fire—and visions will comfort your soul, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As you gaze out at Life through the wreaths - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - from a junk - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of good plug tobacco at Sourdnahunk. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0035" id="link2H_4_0035"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - O’CONNOR FROM THE DRIVE - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - <i>Men who plough the sea, spend they may—and </i> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - free! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But nowhere is there prodigal among those - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - careless Jacks, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who will toss the hard-won spoil of a year of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lusty toil, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Like the Prodigals of Pick-pole and the Ish- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - maels of the Axe. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You could hear him when he started from the - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Rapogenus Chutes, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You could hear the cronching-cranching of his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - swashing, spike-sole boots, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You could even hear the colors in the flannel - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - shirt he wore, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the forest fairly shivered at the way - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - O’Connor swore. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas averred that in the city, full a hundred - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - miles away, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They felt a little tremor when O’Connor drew - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his pay. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Though he drew it miles away, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - When O’Connor drew his pay, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The people in the city felt the shock of it that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - day. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - And they said in deepest gloom, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - “The drive is in the boom, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And O’Connor’s drawn his wages; clear the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - track and give him room.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He rode two giant spruces thro’ the smother of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the Chutes, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He rode them, standing straddled, shod and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - spurred in spike-sole boots; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And just for exhibition, when he struck Che- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - suncook Rip - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He rolled the logs and ran them with never - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - miss or slip. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For a dozen miles thro* rapids did he balance - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on one log, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he shot the Big Seboomook at a mighty - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lively jog. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He reached Megantic Landing where he nim- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bly leaped ashore, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he bought some liquid fire at the Bemis - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wangan store. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For, O’Connor’d drawn his pay, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He was then upon his way - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For a little relaxation and a day or two of play. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The drive was in the boom, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Safely past Seboois flume, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And all O’Connor wanted was rum enough— - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and room. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - O’Connor owned the steamboat from Megantic - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to the Cove: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Whatever there was stavable, he forthwith - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - calmly stove. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He larruped crew and captain when they - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wouldn’t let him steer, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Sat down upon the smoke-stack—smoked out - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the engineer. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of course he was arrested when the steamer - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - got to shore; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A justice fined O’Connor and he paid the fine - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —and more! - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - He had drawn his season’s pay, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - He had cash to throw away, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He had cash to burn! O’Connor’d spurn for - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - clemency to pray. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - The drive was safely down, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - He was on his way to town; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He was doing up the section and proposed to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - do it brown. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - O’Connor owned the railroad, as O’Connor’d - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - owned the craft. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Pie cronched from rear to engine, and he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - chaffed and quaffed and laughed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He smashed the plate-glass windows, for he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - didn’t like the styles. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He smashed and promptly settled for a dozen - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stove-pipe tiles; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They took him into limbo right and left along - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the line, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He pulled his roll and willingly kept peeling off - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his fine. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - With his portly wad of pay - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - He paved his genial way, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’d had no chance to spend it on the far-off - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Brass-u-a. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - But now the drive was in, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - As he’d neither kith nor kin, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There seemed no special reason why he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - shouldn’t throw his tin. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - O’Connor reached the city and he reached it - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - with a jar, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He had piled up all the cushions in the center - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of the car. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Had set them all on fire, and around the blaz- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ing pile - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He was dancing “dingle breakdowns” in a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - very jovial style. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And before they got him cornered they had - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - rung in three alarms, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And it took the whole department to tie his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - legs and arms. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He had spent his last lone copper, but they sold - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his spike-sole boots - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For enough to pay his freightage back to Rapo- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - genus Chutes. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - They put him in a crate, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - And they shipped him back by freight, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To commence his year of chopping up in Town- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ship Number Eight. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - And earnestly he swore, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - When they dumped him on the shore, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He had never spent his wages quite so pleas- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - urably before. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - <i>Men who plough the sea, spend they may—and </i> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - free! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But nowhere is there prodigal among those - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - careless Jacks, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who will toss the hard-won spoil of a year of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lusty toil, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Like the Prodigals of Pick-pole and the Ish- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - maels of the Axe. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0036" id="link2H_4_0036"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - JUST HUMAN NATURE - </h2> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0037" id="link2H_4_0037"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - BALLAD OF OZY B. ORR - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Here’s a plain and straight story of Ozy B. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Orr— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A ballad unvarnished, but practical, for - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It tells how the critter he wouldn’t lie down - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When a Hoodoo had reckoned to do him up - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - brown. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It shows how a Yankee alights on his feet - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When folks looking on have concluded he’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - beat - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now Ozy had money and owned a good farm - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And matters were working all right to a charm. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When he “went on” some papers to help his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - son Bill - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who was all tangled up in a dowel-stock mill. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now Bill was a quitter, and therefore one day - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Those notes became due and his dad had to pay. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So he slapped on a mortgage and then buckled - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - down - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To pay up the int’rest and keep off the town. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Oh, that mortgage, it clung like a sheep-tick in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wool, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the more she sagged back, harder Ozy - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - would pull; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But a mortgage can tucker the likeliest man, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And Ozy he found himself flat on hard pan. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He dumped in his stock and his grain and his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hay, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He scrimped and he skived and endeavored to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - pay; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He sold off his hay and his grain and his stock - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Till the ricky-tick-tack of the auctioneer’s knock - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Kept up such a rapping on Ozy’s old farm - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That the auctioneer nigh had a kink in his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - arm— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And it happened at last,’long o’ Thanksgiving - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - time, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Old Ozy was stripped to his very last dime. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he said to his helpmeet: “Poor mummy, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I van - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I guess them ’ere critters have got all they can. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For they’ve sued off the stock till the barns - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - are all bare, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Cept the old turkey-gobbler, a-peckin’ out - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - there; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They’d’a’ lifted him, too, for those lawyers are - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - rough, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But they reckoned that gobbler was rather too - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tough. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So they’ve left us our dinner for Thanksgivin’ - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Day; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Just remember that, mummy, to-night when - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - you pray. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now chirk up your appetite, for, with God’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - grace, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We’ll eat all at once all the stock on the place.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But Ozy he was a cheerful man, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A goodly man, a godly man— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He didn’t repine at Heaven’s plan, but he took - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - things as they came; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And cheerfully soon he whistled his tune - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That he always whistled— ’twas Old Zip - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Coon, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he whistled it all the afternoon with never - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a word of blame. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While all unaware of his owner’s care, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The gobbler pecked in the sunshine there, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a tip-toe, tip-toe Nancy air, and ruffled - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - like dancing dame; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Till it seemed to Ozy, whistling still - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To the ripity-rap of the turkey’s bill, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That the prim old gobbler was keeping time - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To the sweep and the swing of the wordless - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - rhyme: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Pickety-peck, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With arching neck, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The turkey strutted with bow and beck. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And a Yankee notion was thereby born - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To Ozy Orr ere another morn. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A practical fellow was Ozy B. Orr, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As keen an old Yankee as ever you saw - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A bit of a platform he made out of tin, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a chance for a kerosene lantern within; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He took his old fiddle and rosined the bow - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And took the old turkey—and there was his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - show! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You don’t understand? Well, I’ll own up to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - you - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The crowds that he gathered were mystified, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - too. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For he advertised there on his banner unfurled - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “A Jig-dancing Turkey—Sole one in the - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - World.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the more the folks saw it, the more and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the more - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They flocked with their dimes, and jammed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - at the door; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For it really did seem that precocious old bird - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - At sound of the fiddle was wondrously stirred. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In stateliest fashion the dance would commence, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then faster and faster, with fervor intense, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Until, at the end, with a shriek of the strings - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And a furious gobble and whirlwind of wings, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The turkey would side-step and two-step and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - spin, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then larrup with ardor that echoing tin. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And widely renowned, and regarded with awe, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Was the “Great Dancing Turkey of Ozy B. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Orr.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the mortgage was paid by the old gobbler’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - legs— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now Ozy is heading up money in kegs. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0007" id="linkimage-0007"> </a> - </p> - <div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> - <img src="images/0149.jpg" alt="0149 " width="100%" /><br /> - </div> - <h5> - <a href="images/0149.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> - </h5> - <p class="indent15"> - He would calmly tuck beneath his chin - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The bulge of his cracked old violin, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He sawed while the turkey whacked the tin, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the people they paid and came; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For swift and soon to the lilting tune, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When he fiddled the measure of Old Zip - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Coon, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The gobbler would whirl in a rigadoon—or - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - something about the same! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While under the tin, tucked snugly in, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Was the worthless Bill, that brand of Sin; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And’twas Bill that made the turkey spin with - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the tip of the lantern flame; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For, as ever and ever the tin grew hot - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The turkey made haste for to leave that spot, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Till it seemed that the gobbler was keeping time - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To the sweep and the swing of the fiddle’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - rhyme. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Pickety-peck, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With snapping neck, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The gobbler gamboled with bow and beck! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Does a notion pay? It doth—it doth! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Just reckon what O. B. Orr is “wuth.” - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0038" id="link2H_4_0038"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE BALLAD OF “OLD SCRATCH” - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - They have always called him “Scratchy,” Ezry - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Scratch” and “Uncle Scratch,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Since the time he cut that ding-do in a certain - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wrasslin’ match; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas a pesky scaly caper; he deserved to get - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the name - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —If he lives to be a hundred he will carry it - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the same. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He had vummed that he could wallop any feller - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - in the place, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He allowed that as a wrassler he could sort of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - set the pace, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he bragged so much about it that at last - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - we came to think. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - If he’d lived in time o’ Samson—could have - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - downed Sam quick’s a wink. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And there wasn’t nary feller in the town nor - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - round about - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who had grit or grab or gumption to take holt - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and shake him out. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he set around the gros’ry keepin’ up his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - steady clack - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That there never was a feller who could put - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - him on his back. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So it went till Penley Peaslee’s oldest boy came - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - home from school - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —And I tell you that’s a shaver that ain’t any- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - body’s fool—! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He ain’t tall nor big nor husky and he isn’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - very stout, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But he’s nimble as a cricket and as spry as all - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - git out! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Well, he heard old Ezry braggin’ and at last - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - as cool’s could be - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Boy says, “Uncle, shed your weskit; I will - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - take your stump,” says he. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Guess’twas jest about a minute’fore old Ezry - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - got his breath, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then says he, “Scat on ye, youngster! I - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - should squat ye ha’f to death. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - What ye think ye know’bout wrasslin’? - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - S’pose I’m go’n’ to fool with boys?” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But the crowd commenced to hoot him and they - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - made sech pesky noise - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That at last they got him swearing and he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - shed his coat and vest - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And commenced to stretch his muscles and to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - pound against his breast. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “S’pose I’ve got to if ye say so,” says he scorn- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ful as ye please, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “But I’ll throw that little shaver, one hand - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tied and on my knees. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I can slat him galley-endways and not use one- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ha’f my strength. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - What ye want bub? Take your ch’ice now; - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - side holts, back holts, or arm’s length? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Collar’n elbow if ye say so. Name yer pizen! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Take your pick!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Suit yourself,” the youngster answered; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “long’s ye git to business quick.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As I’ve said the boy wam’t heavy;—he was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - spry, though, quicker’n scat, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he had old Ezry spinnin’ ’fore he knew - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - where he was at; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Hooked him solid, give a twister, doubled up - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the old gent’s back - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And Ez tumbled like a chimbly—smooth and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - solid and ker-whack! - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Well, he lay there stunned and breathless with - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his mouth jam-full o’ dirt - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And his both hands full o’ gingham, for he had - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the youngster’s shirt. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When the crowd commenced to holler as he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - staid there on the ground - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Grocer Weaver’s old black tom-cat came on tip- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - toe sniffin’ round. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He was just a-gettin’ ready for to gnaw off - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ezry’s nose - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When the old man got his senses and he sud- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - denly arose. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then he grabbed that old black tom-cat good - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and solid by the tail - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And commenced to welt the youngster just as - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hard as he could whale. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ev’ry time he reached and raked him on that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bare white back of his— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ow! them claws they grabbed in dretful and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - they hurt him—ah, gee whiz! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There were howls and yowls and spittin’s; it - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - was rip and slit and tear, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the air was full of tom-cat and of flyin’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - skin and hair. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Final clip that Ezry hit him it was such a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tarnal clout - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That the cat he stuck on solid till they pried - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his toe-nails out. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So they’ve always called him “Scratchy” Ezry - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - “Scratch” and “Uncle Scratch.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Since the time he cut that ding-do in a certain - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wrasslin’ match; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas a pesky scaly caper; he deserved to get - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the name, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —If he lives to be a hundred he will carry it - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the same. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0039" id="link2H_4_0039"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - WHEN ’LISH PLAYED OX - </h2> - <p class="indent20"> - Grouty and gruff, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Profane and rough, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Old’Lish Henderson slammed through life; - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Swore at his workers, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - —Both honest and shirkers, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Threatened his children and raved at his wife. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yes,’Lish was a waspish and churlish old man, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who was certainly built on a porcupine plan, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In all of the section there couldn’t be found - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A neighbor whom Henderson hadn’t “stood ‘round.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the men that he hired surveyed him with - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - awe - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And cowered whenever he flourished his jaw. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Till it came to the time that he hired John Gile, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A brawny six-footer from Prince Edward’s - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Isle. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He wanted a teamster, old Henderson did, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And a number of candidates offered a bid, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But his puffy red face and the glare in his eyes, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And his thunderous tones and his ominous size - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the wealth of his language embarrassed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - them so - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Their fright made them foolish;—he told them - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to go. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And then, gaunt and shambling, with good- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - natured smile, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Came bashfully forward the giant John Gile. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Have ye ever driv’ oxen?” old Henderson - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - roared. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Gile said he could tell the brad-end of a goad. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then Henderson grinned at the crowd stand- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ing’round - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he dropped to his hands and his knees on - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the ground. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Here, fellow,” he bellowed, “you take that - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’ere gad, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Just imagine I’m oxen; now drive me, my - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lad. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Just give me some samples of handlin’ the stick, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I can tell if I want ye and tell ye blame quick.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Gile fingered the goad hesitatingly, then - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As he saw Uncle’Lish grinning up at the men - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who were eyeing the trial, said, “Mister, I - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - swan, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ‘Tain’t fair on a feller—this teamin’ a man.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “I’m oxen—I’m oxen,” old Henderson cried, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Git onto your job or git out an’ go hide.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then Gile held the goad-stick in uncertain pose - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And gingerly swished it near Uncle’Lish’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - nose. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Wo hysh,” he said gently; “gee up, there, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - old Bright! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Wo hysh—wo, wo, hysh,”—but with mischiev- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ous light - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In his beady old eyes Uncle’Lish never stirred - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the language he used was the worst ever - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - heard. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Why, drat ye,” he roared “hain’t ye got no - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - more sprawl - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Than a five year old girl? Why, ye might as - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - well call - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Your team ‘Mister Oxen,’ and say to ’em, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ‘please!’” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And then Uncle’Lish settled down on his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - knees. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he snapped, “Hain’t ye grit enough, man, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to say scat? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ye’ll never git anywhere, drivin’ like that. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ll tell ye right now that the oxen I own - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Hain’t driven like kittens; they don’t go alone, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There’s pepper-sass in ’em—they’re r’arin’ an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hot, . - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ I—I’m the r’arin’est ox in the lot.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then Uncle’Lish Henderson lowered his head - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And bellowed and snorted. John Gile calmly - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - said, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Of course—oh, of course in a case such as - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that—” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He threw out his quid and he threw down his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hat, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jumped up, cracked his heels, danced around - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Uncle’Lish - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And yelled like a maniac, “Blast ye, wo hysh!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ere Uncle’Lish Henderson knew what was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - what - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - His teeth fairly chattered, he got such a swat - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - From that vicious ash stick—though that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wasn’t as bad - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As when the man gave him two inches of brad, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Just jabbed it with all of his two-handed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - might, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Wo, haw, there,” he shouted, “gee up there, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - old Bright!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Well, Uncle’Lish gee-ed—there’s no doubt - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - about that— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Went into the air and he squalled like a cat, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Made a swing and a swoop at that man in a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - style - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That would show he proposed to annihilate - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Gile. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But Gile clinched the goad-stick and hit him a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - whack - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - On the bridge of his nose—sent him staggering - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - back, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he reeled and he gasped and he sunk on - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his knee, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Dad-rat ye,” yelled Gile, “don’t ye try to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hook me! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Gee up, there—go’long there; wo haw an’ wo - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hysh!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And again did he bury that brad in old’Lish, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then he lammed and he basted him, steady and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hard, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He chased and he bradded him all’round the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - yard, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Till’Lish fairly screamed, as he dodged like a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fox, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “For heaven’s sake, stranger, let’s play I hain’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ox.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Gile bashfully stammered, “Why,’course ye - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - are not! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But ye’ll have to excuse me—I sort o’ forgot!” - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - With a twisted smile - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ‘Lish looked at Gile, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then he lifted one hand from the place where - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he smarted; - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - And he held it out, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - —Gripped good and stout, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Ye’re hired,” said he; “I reckin I’m - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - started!” - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0040" id="link2H_4_0040"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - OLD “TEN PER CENT” - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - His mouth is pooched and solemn and he’ll - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - never squeeze a smile, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’s yeller ’em saffron bitters’cause he’s col- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ored so by bile; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No organ in his system seems to run the way - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - it should, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —He never has a hearty shake or says a word - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of good. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’ll soften, though, a crumb or so if money’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to be lent - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And some poor strugglin’ devil comes to time - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - with ten per cent. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He is flingin’ and is dingin’ first at this and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - then at that, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And to ev’ry reputation gives a cuff or kick or - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - slat; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Pretty lately he was spewin’ sland’rous gossip - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he had heard, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And our minister was passin’. Wal, the elder - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he was stirred - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he says, “Ah, Brother Bowler, if you’d - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lived in Jesus’ time - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When they brought to him the woman whom - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - they’d taken in her crime, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That story in the Scriptures would have took - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a diff’rent tone, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For I s’picion if you’d been there you’d’a’ up - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and thrown the stone. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yes, I reckon that the woman would have sartin - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - been a goner, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For you’d thrown the rock—and that hain’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - all! You’d’a’ thrown one with a corner!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Wal, ye’d think a dig of that sort would have - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - shamed him ha’f to death, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But, Land o’ Goshen, neighbor,—hain’t no mor- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tifyin’ Seth! - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - —Jest a waste of breath - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - To jab at Uncle Seth, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’s holler where the soul should be—hain’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - got no human peth. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’s deef to ev’ry cry of want and don’t know - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - what is meant, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But—bet he’ll hear for ha’f a mile the whisper, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - “Ten per cent!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It took a lot of practicin’ to work his hearin’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - down - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To where he’s never bothered by the troubles in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - our town. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He never hears the sorrows of some woman - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - who is left - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With orphans and a morgidge’bout a thousand - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - times her heft. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He hain’t the one that worries when she says - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - she cannot pay, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The morgidge holds her anchored—the farm - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - can’t git away. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Upon the shattered door-steps of his racked - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - old tenements - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He crowds the wolf of hunger when he goes - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to git his rents. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But he never hears the wailin’ of the troubled - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - folks within, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He simply wants his money and’tis tenant, trot - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - or tin! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He never hears entreaties of his neighbors in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the lurch - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Unless there’s good endorsers. He never hears - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the church, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He never hears the knockin’ of a fist upon his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - door - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Unless he knows the thuddin’ means his ten - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - per cent—or more. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - (His auditory organs sense no waves from - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wails of sorrow - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But they hear the faintest zephyr from the man - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - who wants to borrow.) - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now, with ears in that condition, when they’re - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - extry dulled by death, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - On the Resurrection mornin’ I’ll have fears for - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Uncle Seth. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - When Gab’rel toots his trump - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - And risen spirits jump, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And up before the Throne of Light forthwith - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - proceed to hump, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I reckin Seth will slumber on, not knowin’ what - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - is meant - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Cause Gab’rel won’t take’special pains to hol- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ler, “Ten per cent!” - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0041" id="link2H_4_0041"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - DIDN’T BUST HIS FORK - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - He could tell ye what he’d done, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —He was eloquent, my son, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In puttin’ all his doin’s into mighty lively talk. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But I’ve follered him around, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And, by gosh, I never found - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That he ever lifted hard enough to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Bust - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - His - </p> - <p class="indent40"> - Fork! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Pie was always full o’ brag - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ‘Bout how he could lift a jag - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That would double up a hossfork and make - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the horses balk. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But I never see’d no signs - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That he ever bent the tines - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Or ever bruk’ the handle of his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Old - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Pitch - </p> - <p class="indent40"> - Fork! - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0042" id="link2H_4_0042"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - MEAN SAM GREEN - </h2> - <p class="indent20"> - Old Sam Green! - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - What? Mean? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I reckin that a meaner man was skercely ever - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - seen. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - People said he’d skin a fly for sake of hide an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - grease; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He wouldn’t grin—it stretched the skin, an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he begredged the crease. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Sort o’ squirmed when asked to set—didn’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - want the chance! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We wondered why; we found at last’twas - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - jest to save his pants. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Never used to shave himself, never combed his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hair; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Used to sort o’ hate to wash, account o’ wear - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and tear. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Never beau-ed the wimmen’round, never spent - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a cent, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Cept the time he bought a girl an ounce of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - pepperment. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Alius kind o’ groaned o’ that; said the dratted - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dunce - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Set an’ chawnked an’ chawnked an’ chawnked - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - an’ et it all to once. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Said he learned a lesson then to last him all - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - through life; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Said’twould take a millionaire to feed a hearty - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wife. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So he planned an’ worked an’ saved an’ grubbed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his little patch, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Allowed he’d ruther plug along, jest like he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - was, “old bach.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Sam, though, shifted later on—the pesky mean - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - old goat— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He struck a find; she’d had a shock that par- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - alyzed her throat! . - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Still, she worked most dretful spry—didn’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - need no spurs— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Only “out” that woman had was that ’ere - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - throat of hers. 1 - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Married her? you bet he did! Straight—right - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - off the reel! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Reckoned that she couldn’t eat a reel, good - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hearty meal. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Figgered he’d git lots of work an’ only feed her - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - slim; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Wife, though, wopsed it t’other way an’ got - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the laugh on him! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I reckin that a madder man was skercely ever - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - seen, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Than Green, - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Old mean Sam Green. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Soon’s she fairly placed her feet, she called the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - doctors in, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ they commenced to work on her an’ tap - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - old Green for tin. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He swore an’ howled, but she was boss—she - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - run the whole concern— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She said she’d morgidge all he owned to cure - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that throat of her’n. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The high-priced doctors far an’ near come - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hustlin’ to the place, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ fubbed an’ fussed an’ then discussed that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - reely puzzlin’ case. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ each performed his little stunt with all his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - skill an’ will, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ said that time would do the rest—an’ then - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - put in his bill. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Wal, Land o’ Goshen, Sam took on as though - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - they drawed his blood. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’d hitch and hunch his wallet out as though - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ’twas stuck in mud. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Their nuss was quite a hand to tog; she used - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to say to us - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She wished that corsets laced as tight’s the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - straps on that old puss. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Mis’ Green at last got down reel slim; one - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - night—so nuss, she said, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Old Sam come creepin’, creakin’ in; set down - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ‘longside the bed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He stooped an’ poked around a spell, picked up - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Lucindy’s shoe, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ then—wal, nuss she vums an’ vows this - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ’ere is honest true: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He routed’round the fireplace an’ got a cinder- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - coal, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ went to figgerin’ up expense, right there - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on ’Cindy’s sole. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He talked the items right out loud, but ’Cindy - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - didn’t kick - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So long’s he only reckoned things she’d had - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - while she was sick. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But when he got to projickin’ ’bout what - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ’twould prob’ly cost - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To bury her in decent shape, he sort o’ up an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - crossed - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The “mean-man” line, the “tarnal mean” an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - even “gaul-durned mean”— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He formed a brand-new class himself; jest - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - him alone, Sam Green, - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Stands serene! - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - “Green mean,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Signifies the meanest man that ever ye have - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - seen. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Die? What! ’Cindy up an’ die? You bet - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - she didn’t die! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Got so mad to hear him talk she flew right up - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sky-high. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Hopped like sixty out o’bed, as hearty’s Paddy’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - goat, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ that ’ere kink—whatever’twas—it came - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - right out her throat. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ talk? She hadn’t talked for years, but - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - soon’s she got her breath, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I swan to man, I reely b’lieve she talked old - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Green to death. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For ’fore she’d trod around enough to wear the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - coal marks out, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Old Sam curled up an’ passed away. Some - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - said there wa’n’t much doubt - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’d reely died two years before, but hadn’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - let folks know, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Because these undertakin’ chaps tuck on ex- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - penses so. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Perk Todd was tellin’ down t’ the store he had - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a dream las’ week— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He dreamed he got in Paradise! Must been - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a denied close’ squeak! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Wal, Perk he says an angel there was showin’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - him around, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “At last,” says Perk, “I ups an’ asks how - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ’twas I hadn’t found - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No people there from where I’d lived. The - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - angel says, says he: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ‘Here bub’ A cherub scooted up. ‘Go git - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the storehouse key.’” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Says Perk: “The angel took me in. An’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - where we were, it’peared - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That’bout a billion boxed-up things was there - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - all nicely tiered. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The angel said, ‘When folks on earth do any- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - thing that’s small - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Their souls git squizzled bit by bit; an’ when - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - they die, then all - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The little, teenty souls that come are packed in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - here, ye know, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jes’ same’s they box tomater plants to giv’ ’em - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - time to grow.’ - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He hunted’round an’ found a box. ‘There,’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - finally said he, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ‘We’ve got about as sing’lar thing as ever ye - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - will see.’ - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Inside that box was nested dus’ a dozen boxes - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - more; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The last box was the smallest box I ever saw - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - before, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ in it was a teenty speck. ‘Is that a soul?’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - says I. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ‘Oh, no,’ said he, ‘the thing you see’s the eye- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - brow of a fly. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You couldn’t see the soul that’s there, to save - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - your blessed neck, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Because it’s one ten-millionth part as big’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that leetle speck. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In fact it is the smallest soul that we have ever - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - seen; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The label says’—he squinted hard—‘it’s one - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - old Sam’wel Green.’ - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - All serene, - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Sam Green - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Is ticketed ‘The Limit; Number billion-umpty - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - steen.’” - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0043" id="link2H_4_0043"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - DICKERER JIM - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - That Dickerer Jim—Shenanigan Jim. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I never see’d hoss jockey equal to him. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’d rather swap hosses than eat a good meal, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’d take all the chances—and Jim wouldn’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - squeal! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’d talk like a cyclone on any old skate - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Take a wheezy old pel ter with hopity gait - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he’d make you believe—would that Dick- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - erer Jim— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There were all kinds of pedigrees tied up in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - him. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And you bet your old boots, if he got you in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - range - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He could touch you all right for a sale or a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - “change.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —As keen as a brier, as sharp as a knife - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He never got phazed except once in his life. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And that was a corker, by ginger, on him, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - On Dickerer Jim—Shenanigan Jim. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He loaded a breather—a reg’lar old rip - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - On a man from the city—just did it by lip. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Talked the man dumb and silly and giv’ him the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hooks - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Till the chap forked his money just simply on - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - looks. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he went back to town with a big double - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cross - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In the shape of a whoofity plug of a boss. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Jim—Jim, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Shenanigan Jim, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Didn’t you—didn’t you soak it to him! - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Jim—Jim, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - As a sample of “trim” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That feller was pruned to the very last limb. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now Dickerer Jim—Shenanigan Jim— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Was down in the city. His eyesight was dim; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So he couldn’t keep lookout, and first thing he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - knew - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Right plumb up against him that city chap - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - blew. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He recognized Jim—Jim hadn’t seen him— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Till the feller grabbed holt; then the chances - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - seemed slim - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For avoidin’ a scrimmage, for seldom is seen - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A chap that’s so mad that his face is pea green. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But his tongue wasn’t ready as quick as his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sight; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now Jim couldn’t see, yet his tongue was all - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - right, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And away he went, lickity-whizzle! Talk, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - talk! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While the feller was still scoring down in a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - balk - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With his mouth propped apart; oh, he’d plenty - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to say, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But Jim, goin’ steady, had levelled away. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he told that ’ere feller he’d hunted for him, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Did Dickerer Jim—Shenanigan Jim. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The feller allowed he’d been huntin’ some, too, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But Jim didn’t hesitate—slam-banged it - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - through! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Says he, “I’ve been sorry I sold you that hoss - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the minit I sold him I knew’twas a loss. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For the very same day that you took him away - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I met with a chap that I figger will pay - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A clean and cool hundred above what you giv’, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —I can load that ’ere hoss on that chap, sure’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - you live. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That feller he wants him—lie’s anxious to pay; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now what shall I say to him—what shall I - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - say?” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then the sucker he tore and he swore, and says - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Go tell him the same blasted lie you told me! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’ll buy, don’t you worry! You’ll tag him— - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he’s It, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —That’s a lie you can never improve on a bit!” - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Jim—Jim, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Shenanigan Jim, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That was a side-windin’ answer for him. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Jim—Jim, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Jest turned and he “clim’” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For he see’d there warn’t stretch in the chap’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - t’other limb. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0044" id="link2H_4_0044"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - BALLAD OF BENJAMIN BRANN - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Oh, a positive man—a positive man, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So the people discovered, was Benjamin Brann. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With his household and neighbors and children - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and hoss - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Old Brann allowed he would always be boss. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the most of the people they’d ruther kow- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tow - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To his notions than live in the midst of a row. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And whenever you’d see in a faint-hearted - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - crowd, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A man who was hollerin’ ’specially loud, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You could calculate suttin that positive man - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Was the uncontradicted old Benjamin Brann. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For after a while all the folks stood in awe - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of the roar of his voice and the build of his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - jaw; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He was lookin’ for trouble and carried a chip - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And chance for a tussle he never let slip; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He hated to think that the world could still go - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When he stood at one side and kept hollerin’ - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “whoa!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - One day he was teamin’ his oxen to town; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He set on the cart tongue., his feet hangin’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - down. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And bein’ a positive kind of a chap, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Pokin’ out o’ his way for the sake of a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - scrap— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Whenever he noticed a boulder or stump - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’d gee. and ride over the critter ker-bump! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But it happened one boulder that he came - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - across - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Gave Benjamin’s ox-cart too lively a toss; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He was under the broad-tired wheels, s’r. before - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’d gathered his voice for his usual roar. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But just as the ox-cart rolled over him—oh, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You’d a-fallen down stunned at the way he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - yelled “whoa!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas so loud and so threat’nin’ that Brindle - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and Haw - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who bowed to that voice as their Gospel and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Law - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Were so eager to stop that they backed, s’r, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and then - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The wheel it rolled over the old man again. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There’s a moral to this as you notice, no doubt, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But I haven’t the patience to ravel it out. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ll say to reformers and dogmatists, though, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It’s safest to holler a moderate “whoa!” - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0045" id="link2H_4_0045"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE HEIRS - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - They hastened to the funeral when Aunt Sa- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - brina died. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Nephews, nieces, relatives—they came from - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - far and wide. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They hurried in by boat and train; they came - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - by stage and team, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In breasts a jealous bitter greed, in eyes a hun- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - gry gleam. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I knew the most as decent men, their wives as - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - honest dames, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who in the common run of things were careful - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of their names. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And yet, alas, we sadly find that many who be- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - have - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As cooing doves in daily life are buzzards at - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the grave. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So while the choir softly purred, and while the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - parson prayed, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The lids of mourning eyes were raised and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sneaking glances strayed - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - From old-style clock to pantry shelf, from par- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lor set to rug, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And knitted brows weighed soberly how much - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - each heir could lug. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Anon the lustful glances crossed and scowl re- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - plied to scowl, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And spoke as plain as though the look were - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - voiced in sullen growl: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Thus when the parson prayed, “Oh, Lord, take - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Thou this way-worn soul,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I caught a look that plainly spoke: “I’ll take - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that china bowl.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And this look said, “I speak for that,” and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that look spoke for this, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The while the parson droned of love and told - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - them of the bliss - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That cometh after struggles here; “The peace - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of rest,” he said, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And then each woman claimed through looks - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - her aunt’s goose-feather bed. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas thus the kindred flocked to town when - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Aunt Sabrina died, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ostensibly to bury her, but really to divide. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No will was left,’twas catch as can; and each - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and every heir, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Came in with desperate intent to scoop the big- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - gest share. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They passed around with creaking shoes and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - kissed the silent lip, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And pressed the limp, old, withered hand from - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - out whose jealous grip - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The goods of earth had slipped away to heap a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - funeral pyre, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A tinder pile where torch of Greed would start - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a roaring fire. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They rode behind in solemn show and stood - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - around the grave, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Until the coffin sank from sight; and then each - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - jealous knave - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Hopped back with great celerity in carriage and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - in hack, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And folks who saw averred those heirs raced - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - horses going back. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - This is no fairy tale, my friend! I’m giving - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - you the facts, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Tis just an instance where the heirs came - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - round and brought an axe; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Where folks of pretty honest stripe could - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hardly bear to wait - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To decently inter the corpse ere carving the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - estate; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —All ready at the prayer’s “Amen” to scratch - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and haul and claw - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With nails of jealous rancor and the talons of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the law. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - My brother, I’ve a notion, that it is sinful pride - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When we pose before the heathen as a highly - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - moral guide. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For here in old New England are some capers - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that would—hush!— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - This is strictly on the quiet—put a savage to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the blush. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You know that when a savage leaves his rela- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tives bereft, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There isn’t any scrapping over what the heathen - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - left. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They bury all his queer stone tools, his arrows - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and his bow, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They stuff his pack with grub for snack; put - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - in his wampum “dough;” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They kill his horse and slay his dog and then - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - they sing a song, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And kill off all his weeping wives and send - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - them right along. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There’s no annoying probate court, no long, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - litigious fuss, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No lawyer’s fees, no family row, no will-de- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stroying cuss. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The estate is executed in a brisk and thorough - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - style - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And though some certain features suit all right - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a heathen isle, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Some squeamish person might arise and prop- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - erly complain - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There’s too much execution for adoption here - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - in Maine. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So I’ll not commend the custom, yet I firmly - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - will abide - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In the notion that we have no right to pose as - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - moral guide - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To the heathen; for it’s evident, untutored - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - though they are, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The heirs at least show manners in Borrioboola - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Gha. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0046" id="link2H_4_0046"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - A. B. APPLETON, “PIRUT” - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Abbott B. Appleton went to the fair - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - <i>(Sing hey! for the wind among his whiskers)</i>, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Saw curious “dewin’s” while he was down - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - there - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ‘Mongst the gamblers, the sports and the frisk- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ers. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He carried his bills in a wallet laid flat— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An old-fashioned calf-skin as black as your hat; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He was feeling so well he was easy to touch— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then he hadn’t as much; no, there wasn’t as - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - much. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He noticed a crowd’round a pleasant-faced - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - man - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Whose business seemed based on a curious plan; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He asked for a quarter from each in the crowd, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Put the coin in his hat, and he forthwith al- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lowed - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That simply to advertise he would restore - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - His quarter to each, adding three quarters - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - more. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now Abbott B. Appleton he did invest— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Anxious to share in these spoils with the rest. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Man asked for ten dollars, and Abbott, said he: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Why, sartin! And then we’ll git thutty back - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - free.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But the man who was running the charity - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - game - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Informed him it didn’t work always the same, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And Abbott B. Appleton got for his ten - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A smile—and the man didn’t play it again. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then Abbott, in order to make himself square, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Got after the rest of the snides at the fair. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He hunted the pea, but he never could tell - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When “the darned little critter” was under - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the shell. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He shot at a peg with a big, swinging ball, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Five dollars a shot—didn’t hit it at all. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he finally found himself “gone all to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - smash,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With wisdom, a lot—and two dollars in cash. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Abbott B. Appleton cursed at the fair - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - <i>(Sing fie! for a man who </i>’<i>tended meetin’)</i>, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he said to himself, “Gaul swat it, I swear - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Them games is just rigged up for heatin’. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I thought they was honest down here in this - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - town; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I swow if I hadn’t I wouldn’t come down; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But if cheatin’s their caper I guess there’s idees - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That folks up in Augerville have, if ye please. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’m a pretty straight man when they use me all - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - square, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But I’m pirut myself at a Pirut-town fair. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I won’t pick their pockets to git back that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dough, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But I reckin’ I’ll giv’ ’em an Augerville show.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Abbott B. Appleton “barked” at the fair - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - <i>(Sing sakes! how the people they did gather)</i>, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And his cross-the-lot voice it did bellow and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - blare - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Till it seemed that his lungs were of leather. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He said that he had there inside of his pen - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Most singular fowl ever heard of by men: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “The Giant Americanized Cock-a-too,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With his feathers, some red and some white, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and some blue. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He promised if ever its like lived before - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’d give back their money right there at the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - door. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then he vowed that the sight of the age was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - within. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “’Twill never,” he shouted. “be seen here agin.. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Tis an infant white annercononda, jest brought - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - From the African wilds, where it lately was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - caught. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The only one ever heern tell of before, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - All wild and untamed, that far foreign shore.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Abbott B. Appleton raked in the tin. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - <i>(Sing chink! for the money that he salted.)</i> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then he opened the gates and he let ’em all in, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And then—well, then Abbott defaulted. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It was time that he did, for the people had - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - found - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Just a scared Brahma hen squatting there on - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the ground; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Her plumage was decked in a way to surprise, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With turkey-tail streamers all colored with - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dyes; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And above, on a placard, this sign in plain - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sight: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “There’s nothin’ else like her. I trimmed her - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - last night” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In a little cracked flask was an angle-worm - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - curled— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Young annercononda, sole one in the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - world.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And another sign stated, “He’s small, I sup- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - pose, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But if he hain’t big enough, wait till he grows.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And Abbott B. Appleton, speeding afar, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Was counting his roll in a hurrying car, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Saying still, “As a general rule I’m all square, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But I’m pirut myself at a Pirut-town fair.” - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0047" id="link2H_4_0047"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - NEXT TO THE HEART - </h2> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0048" id="link2H_4_0048"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - WITH LOVE—FROM MOTHER - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - There’s a letter on the bottom of the pile, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Its envelope a faded, sallow brown, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It has traveled to the city many a mile, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the postmark names a’way up country - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - town. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But the hurried, worried broker pushes all the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - others by, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And on the scrawly characters he turns a glis- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tening eye. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He forgets the cares of commerce and his anx- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ious schemes for gain, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The while he reads what mother writes from - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - up in Maine. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There are quirks and scratchy quavers of the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - pen - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Where it struggled in the fingers old and bent, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There are places where he has to read again - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And think a bit to find what mother meant. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There are letters on his table that inclose some - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bouncing checks; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There are letters giving promises of profits on - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his “specs.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But he tosses all the litter by, forgets the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - golden rain, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Until he reads what mother writes from up in - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Maine. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - At last he finds “with love—we all are well,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And softly lays the homely letter down, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then dashes at his eager tasks pell-mell, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Once more the busy, anxious man of town. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But whenever in his duties as the rushing mo- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ments fly - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That faded little envelope smiles up to meet - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his eye, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He turns again to labor with a stronger, truer - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - brain, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - From thinking on what mother wrote from up - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - in Maine. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - All through the day he dictates brisk replies, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To his amanuensis at his side, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —The curt and stern demands and business - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lies, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —The doubting man cajoled, and threat de- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fied. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And then at dusk when all are gone he drops - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his worldly mask - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And takes his pen and lovingly performs a wel- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - come task; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For never shall the clicking- type or shorthand - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - scrawl profane - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The message to the dear old home up there in - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Maine. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The penmanship is rounded, schoolboy style, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For mother’s eyes are getting dim, she wrote; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And as he sits and writes there, all the while - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A bit of homesick feeling grips his throat. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For all the city friendships here with Tom and - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Dick and Jim - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And all the ties of later years grow very, very - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dim; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While boyhood’s loves in manhood’s heart rise - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - deep and pure and plain. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Called forth by mother’s homely words from - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - up in Maine. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0049" id="link2H_4_0049"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE QUAKER WEDDING - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Without, the summer silence lies— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Within, the meeting-house is still; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The hush of First Day hovers o’er - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - All human-kind on Quaker Hill. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The tethered Dobbins doze and blink - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In stolid calm beneath the shed; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In First Day, Quaker attitude, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With half-closed eyes and drooping head. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The cheeping birds, abashed and mute, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Have skittered off to search for shade. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Just one lone roysterer, a bee, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Embarrassed at the noise lie’s made, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Whirrs up against a staring pane - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And folds his wings and sits him down, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To gaze with apiarian mirth - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - On strange drab poke and shining crown. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The elders sit in sober rows, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Upon the long, prim, facing-seats; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Each visage like an iron mask; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No look of recognition greets - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The softened landscape out of doors. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —The shimmer of the summer falls - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - On unresponsive eyes; The God - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of Nature all unheeded calls. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Their half-veiled gaze droops coldly down, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Fixed on the dusty, worn, old floor, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Unnoting that the gracious Lord - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Smiles in God’s sunshine at the door. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The Spirit has not moved the tongue; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Each contrite soul has conned its own; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And in the hush of silent prayer, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Each worshipper has bent alone. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And some are sad and some are stern - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And some are smug and others bow - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As though, with furtive stealth, to hide - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - What conscience writes upon the brow. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But hark! the Meeting lifts its eyes - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he who’s sitting at the head - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Breaks on the hush with reverent tone: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “If friends,” says he, “have planned to wed - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Tis meet that now they do proceed.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Forthwith upon the women’s side - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A blushing youth stands forth in view - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And with him shrinks his Quaker bride. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With trembling hand in shaking palm, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They face the Meeting’s awful hush, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —No minister to question them, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No kindly shield to hide a blush. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Alone they stand, alone must they - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Swear matrimony’s solemn oath; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A hundred noses point their way, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Two hundred eyes stare hard at both. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then twice and thrice the youth’s parched lips - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Strive hard to frame the longed-for word; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And twice and thrice he tries again, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yet not a single sound is heard. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There’s just an upward flash of eyes - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Like starlight in a forest pool, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —She may have said, “Take heart, dear - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - one!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —She may have said, “Go on, thou fool! - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - His cheeks flush dark, his lips are gray, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - His knees drum fast against the pew. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But by a mighty gasp he speaks, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The dry lips part, a croak comes through: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Here in the presence of the Lord, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And in the First-Day meeting, I - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Take thee, my friend, Susannah Saul - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To be my wife. My loving eye - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Shall rest on thee, and till the Lord - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Is pleased by death to separate - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Our lives and loves, I’ll be to thee - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An honest, faithful, loving mate.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As one an echo of a song - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Thrums thinly on a single string, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The Quaker maid in trembling tones - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Vows to her lord to likewise bring - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Love, truth and trust to grace their home. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Their voices cease and side by side - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They stand abashed. One honest voice - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Rolls out, “Amen;” the knot is tied. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0050" id="link2H_4_0050"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE MADAWASKA WOOING - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Petit Pierre of Attegat, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Peter, the Little, round and fat, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Balanced himself on the edge of a chair - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And gazed in the eyes of Father Claire. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Without on the porch, defiant sat - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The prettiest maiden in Attegat. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And here was trouble; for Zelia Dionne - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Had vowed to the Virgin she’d be a nun; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But Peter, who loved her more than life, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Was fully as bound she should be his wife. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yet as often as Peter pressed to wed - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The pretty Zelia tossed her head. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “I’m not for the wife of man,” she said. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “I’ve dreamed three times our Mary came - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And pressed my brow and spoke my name. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I know she means for me to kneel - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And take the vows at St. Basil.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Though Peter stormed, yet Zelia clung - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To her belief and braved his tongue. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Je t’aime, mon cher,” she shyly said, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And drooped her eyes and bent her head; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “But when our Virgin Mother calls - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A maiden to her convent walls, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - How shameless she to disobey - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And follow her own guilty way!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “But dearest,” Peter warmly plead, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “’Twould not be guilty if it led - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To our own home and our own love! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Our Holy Mother from Above, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Will pardon us—I know she will—” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And yet the maid responded still, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “I dare not, Peter, disobey, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And follow my own guilty way.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So thus it chanced that Zelia Dionne - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Had vowed herself to be a nun. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Though Peter teased for many a day - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She pressed her lips and said him nay, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And when he begged that she at least - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Would leave the question to the priest, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Although she grudged her faint consent - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As meaning doubt, at last she went, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Overpersuaded by Peter’s prayer, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To take the case to Father Clair. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Peter, the Little, of Attegat - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Fumbled with trembling hands his hat, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As breathlessly he tried to trace - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The thoughts that crossed the father’s face. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “My son,” at length the priest returned, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —How Peter’s heart within him burned— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “If truly by the maid the Queen - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of Most High Heaven hath been seen, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —If only in her maiden dreams— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You must allow it ill beseems - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - My mouth to speak. It may be sin, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For—well, my son, bring Zelia in!” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She stood before him half abashed - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yet boldly, too;—her dark cheek dashed - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With ruddy flame; for all her soul - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Burned holily. For now her whole - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Rich nature stirred. She was not awed - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For had she not been called of God? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And little Peter sat and stared - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And marvelled how he’d ever dared - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To lift his eyes to such a maid, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Or strive to wreck the choice she’d made. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She told in simple terms the tale. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “And do you wish to take the veil?” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The father asked. “Think long, think twice - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And never mourn the sacrifice.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She quivered, but she said, “I’ve thought; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Our Mary wills it and I ought.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “And can you gladly say farewell - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To earth and love and friends; to dwell - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With perfect peace nor ever sigh - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For things behind?” She said, “I’ll try.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But even as she spoke the word, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The old time love for Peter stirred; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And mingling with her quick regret, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There came a sob and Peter’s wet, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Sad eyes peered at her through a rain - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of honest tears. She tried in vain - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To choke her grief, but Zelia Dionne - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Forgot her vow to be a nun, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And crying, “Pierre, I love you best!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She flung herself upon his breast. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A moment thus—and then in prayer - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Both knelt before good Father Clair. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “My daughter, did that vision speak - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That night when motherly and meek, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She pressed her hand upon thy brow? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No? Then, my child, she spoke just now; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And in the promptings of thy heart - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Her word is clear. My child, thou art - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Blest in this choice, for that caress - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Upon thy brow was but to bless - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And not to call thee from thy choice. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Depart in peace, wed and rejoice.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Peter, the Little, of Attegat, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Clapped on his curls, his fuzzy hat, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And clasping the hand of his promised bride - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He trudged back home with one at his side, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —No longer the self-vowed, mournful nun, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But laughing, black-eyed Zelia Dionne. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0051" id="link2H_4_0051"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE SONG OF THE MAN WHO DRIVES - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Here’s a toast to the kings and the health of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the queens - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of the echoing oval course; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And a song of the steel that is forged for the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wheel - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the hoof of the blue-blood horse! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There’s the song of the steel that is forged for - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the wars— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The song of the long, bright sword; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The chant of the weapon the patriot draws - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In defence of his land, in support of its laws— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In the cause that his heart has adored. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But the sword that is bared to the glint of the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sun, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Who knows when that sword will be - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sheathed? - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For strife plunges hotly when once’tis begun, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So the steel of the sword I forswear and I - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - shun, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the horrors its edge has bequeathed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No, I vaunt the honest circlet to a worthy use - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - applied— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The steel that flashes swiftly in the broad two- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - minute stride; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The steel that clinking hammers in the forges’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - clang and heat - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Have shaped with merry music for a trotter’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - twinkling feet. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You may choose the glint of sabres or the gleam - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of martial arms, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As for me the vibrant flashing of those hoofs - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - has greater charms, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As I ride the swaying sulky and we cleave the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - singing air, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I hear the merry rick-tack of the trotting - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of my mare. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now what are the prizes of war, my boy, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Or the honors of kingdom and court - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To a chap that’s contented with honester joy - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Than desperate ventures that crush and de- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stroy - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In the din of the battlefield’s sport? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I envy no prowess of warriors of old - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Astride of a mail-clad steed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I challenge the right of the furious might - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That forces an innocent victim to fight - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For human ambition or greed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But ho, for the rush of the steel-shod feet - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When the clink of the bright shoe rings— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When the flickering hoofs down the home- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stretch beat - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I on the perch of the sulky seat - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Drive hard in the Sport of Kings. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I pledge to you the honor of the ringing, sing- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ing course, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When the tautened reins are throbbing with the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - motion of the horse, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When the glossy shoulders glisten with the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - twitching muscles’ play, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Beating time in swift staccato to the slender - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sulky’s sway. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Let the roaring stand go crazy as we finish at - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the pole— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Tis no human acclamation that avails to stir - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - my soul, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Tis the batter and the clatter of those hoofs - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that ring and beat, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Tis the rhythm and the music of those flashing - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - little feet— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Tis the sympathy between us, all a-quiver in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the reins, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Till I almost feel the pulsing of the current in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - her veins, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I have no eye or hearing for the vain ac- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - claim of man - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When my heart and soul are throbbing with - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - her hoof-beats’ rataplan. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To the king of the course! To the queen of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the track! . - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - What matter their breeding or name? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To all that have battled the second-hand back - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Here’s tribute in measure the same. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Here’s a toast to the king and the health of the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - queen, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who reign on the oval course, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —To the stout, stout steel! forged true for the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wheel - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Or the hoof of the blue-blood horse. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0052" id="link2H_4_0052"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE OLD PEWTER PITCHER - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - I festoon for Bacchus no chaplet of roses, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I will vaunt not the vat—I’ve no homage for - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wine; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Panegyric of paint for convivial noses - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Shall never find place in a lyric of mine. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Unseemly indeed were such rank exhibition - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of scorn for the statutes that seek to restrain, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - By beneficent mandate of stern Prohibition, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The lust for the grape in the good State of - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Maine. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So a truce to the bowl and its fervid excitement, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And down with the flagon, the goblet and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stein! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - My lyric exalts the more balmy enticement - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of a certain old humble companion of mine. - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - ’Tis addressed - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - With a zest - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Springing out of vague unrest - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Stirring underneath my vest. - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - I’m obsessed - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - By a guest - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Who has come at my behest - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - From the misty days of boyhood, borne se- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - renely in the van - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of the friends that I’d forgotten in the cares - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that grind the man. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —You were just a pewter pitcher, a demure - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and dull old pot— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a yee-yaw to your nozzle like the grimace - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of a sot. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The knob upon your cover had a truly rakish - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cant, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Your paunch was apoplectic and your handle - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - had a slant - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of a most.convivial nature. But despite your - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - seedy style - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Not a guest upon the threshold got a more - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - benignant smile - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Than when upon a platter, flanked by apples - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and by pears, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You rose splashing full of cider up the dark old - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cellar stairs. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’m sure that the fruit that we sacrificed duly - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Each fall to the cruel embrace of the press - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Had quaffed of the honey of Nature and truly - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Deserved from her hand a more tender - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - caress. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Pm sure that the sun kissed both fruit and the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - flower - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With all the devotion his warm heart could - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bring, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Till Alcohol ceded his ominous power - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And gall lost its bitter, the adder its sting, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For though round and round went the old pew- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ter pitcher, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And chucklingly filled for us horn after - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - horn, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We never saw dragon, blue goblin or witch, or - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Required a hoop for our heads in the morn. - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Here goes! - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Here’s to those - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Who sat and warmed their toes - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Drowning cares and frets and woes. - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - No one knows - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - How memory glows - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - As I see that ancient nose - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Gleaming blandly in the circle of the friends of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - long ago - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Within, the light; without, the night and the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wind and drifting snow. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then the dented pewter pitcher poured for us - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - its amber stream - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While the tinkling bubbles winked upon the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - brink with dancing gleam, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ah, there was no guile within you as there were - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - no gauds without - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Just a plain, old-fashioned fellow, with an - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - awful homely snout; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And you never left us headaches and you didn’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stir the bile, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And no guest upon the threshold got a more - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - benignant smile - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Than when, upon a platter, flanked by apples - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and by pears, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You rose splashing full of cider up the dark old - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cellar stairs. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0053" id="link2H_4_0053"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - OUR GOOD PREVARICATORS - </h2> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0054" id="link2H_4_0054"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - OUR LIARS HERE IN MAINE - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - There was Sinon, he of Troy, and Ulysses, too, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and Cain, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who preceded many centuries the liars here in - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Maine. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There was Gulliver, Munchausen, there was - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ananias, too, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A very handsome job of it those gentlemen - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - could do. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yet look at Ananias! Why, his story knocked - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - him dead, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But here in Maine the liar “does” the other - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - man instead. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And Sinon, he of Troy, had to plan and build - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his lie, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But here in Maine the liar doesn’t even have - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to try. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For the pure prevarication comes cascading - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - down his lip - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he never seems to falter or to stub his toe - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and trip. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he walks abroad with honor, and no mortal - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - will arraign - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The pure and worthy motives of the liar here - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - in Maine. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - His strongest hold is fishing, and he fixes with - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his eye - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The victim who must listen and who never - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dares deny. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Each river and pellucid pond, each brooklet and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - each stream, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Possesses fifty liars to preserve it in esteem. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he that owns a yaller dog, and he that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - owns a hoss - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Will never see their laurels dimmed, if words - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - can add a gloss. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Tis true the old inhabitant, narrating ancient - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tales, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Occasionally soars to heights where homely - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - language fails. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So then, alas, he’s hampered some, but note - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his kindling eye, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And as he gets his second wind, observe how - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he can lie! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Tis no invidious charge I bring against this - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - worthy crew, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We love the lies they tell to us and love the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - liars too. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They hold to truth in business deals, they’d - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - never lie to cheat; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But when the “sport” comes down from town, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - by gracious he’s their meat. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They “torch” him up with narrative until his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fancy steams - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And swogons, yaps, and witherlicks go ramp- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ing through his dreams. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For when our solemn ruminants describe the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - olden times - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They stimulate a state of mind I can’t describe - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - in rhymes. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0008" id="linkimage-0008"> </a> - </p> - <div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> - <img src="images/0205.jpg" alt="0205 " width="100%" /><br /> - </div> - <h5> - <a href="images/0205.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> - </h5> - <p class="indent15"> - I pen this humble lyric and I bring a wreath of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bay, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For the good prevaricators doing business down - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - this way. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - May their tongues be ever limber, and im- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - agination free, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With no interloping infidel to ask how such - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - can be. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - May the plug from which they nibble spice a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - piquant, pungent tale, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - May words to paint the details of their fiction - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - never fail. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Let the chips from which they whittle always - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - have an even grain, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And we’ll challenge all creation with our liars - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - here in Maine. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0055" id="link2H_4_0055"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE BALLAD OF DOC PLUFF - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Doctor Pluff, who lived in Cornville, he was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hearty, brisk and bluff, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Didn’t have much extry knowledge, but in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - some ways knowed enough; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Knowed enough to doctor hosses, cows an’ dogs - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - an’ hens an’ sheep, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When he come to doctor humans, wal, he wasn’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - quite so deep. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Still, he kind o’ got ambitious, an’ he went an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stubbed his toe, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When he tried to tackle subjects that he really - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - didn’t know. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Doc he started out the fust-off as a vet’rinary - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - doc, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ he made a reputation jest as solid as a rock. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Doct’rin’ hosses’ throats or such like, why, there - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - warn’t a man in town - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who could take a cone of paper, poof the sul- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - phur furder down. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He could handle pips an’ garget in a brisk an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - thorough style, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ there wan’t a cow’t would hook him when - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he give her castor ile. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As V. S. he had us solid, but he loosened up his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hold - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When he doctored Uncle Peaslee for his reg’lar - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - April cold. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Uncle Peaslee allus caught it when he took - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his flannels off, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For a week or two he’d wheezle, sniff an’ snee- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - zle, bark an’ cough. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ at last, in desperation, when the thing be- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - came so tough, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He adopted some suggestions that were made - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - by Doctor Pluff. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Fust o’ March he started early an’ he reg’lar - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ev’ry day - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - From his heavy winter woolens tore a little - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - strip away. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For the doc he had insisted that the change - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - could thus be made, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Cause the system wouldn’t notice such an easy, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - steady grade. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Walsir,’bout the last of April, Uncle Peaslee - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he had on - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jest the wris’ban’s an’ the collar—all the rest - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of it was gone. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then—with Doctor Pluff advisin’—on a mild - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - an’ pleasant day, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He took off the collar ‘n wris’ban’s, and he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - throwed the things away. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ in lesser’n thutty hours he was sudden - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tooken down - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With the wust case of pneumony that we ever - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - knowed in town. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ he dropped away in no time; it was awful - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - kind of rough, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ we had our fust misgivin’s’bout the skill - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of Old Doc Pluff. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Reckoned that ’ere scrape would down him an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he’d stick to hens an’ cows, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But he’d got to be ambitious, an’ he tackled - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Irai Howes. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Uncle Iral’s kind o’ feeble, but was bound to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wean a caff; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Went to pull him off from suckin’ when the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - critter’d had his haff. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Caff he turned around an’ bunted—made him’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - mad’s a tyke, ye see— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ old Iral’s leg was broken, little ways above - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the knee. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - T’other doctor couldn’t git there’cause the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - goin’ was so rough, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So they had to run their chances and they called - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on Doctor Pluff. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Doc he found old Irai groanin’ where they’d - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - laid him on the bed, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ he took his old black finger, rolled up Iral’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lip an’ said, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Hay-teeth worn; can’t chaw his vittles! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Vittles therefore disagree, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It’s as tough a case of colic as I think I ever - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - see.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Some one started then to tell him, but the doc - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he had the floor, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ he snapped ’em up so spiteful that the} - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - didn’t say no more. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then he wrinkled up his eyebrows, pursed his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lips as tight’s a bung, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Pried apart old Iral’s grinders an’ says he, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Le’s see your tongue.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Why,” says he, “I see the trouble—you’ve - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - got garget of the blood, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ if symptoms hain’t deceivin’, you have also - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lost your cud.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Blame yer soul,” groaned Uncle Irai, “can’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ye see what’s ailin’ me? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That ’ere leg is broke!” “Oh, sartin,” says - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the doc, “I see! I see!” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then he pulled off Iral’s trousers, an’ he spit - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - upon his fist, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Grabbed that leg in good old earnest an’ com- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - menced to twist an’ twist. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Irai howled an’ yowled an’ fainted, then come - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to an’ howled some more, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He an’ doc they fit an’ wrassled on the bed an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on the floor. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Doc, though, held him to the wickin’—let old - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Irai howl an’ beg, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Said he’d got to do his duty, straight’nin out - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his blamed old leg. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When the splints come off, though, later, wal- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sir, Irai was provoked, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Hain’t surprised it made him ugly, for he sar- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tinly was soaked. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Doc had set it so the kneejoint comes behind, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - jest like a cow’s, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ ’twould make ye die a-laughin’, would that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - gait of Irai Howes’. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - If that case of Uncle Peaslee wasn’t damagin’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - enough, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Bet your life that job on Irai made us shy of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - old Doc Pluff. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0056" id="link2H_4_0056"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE BALLAD OF HUNNEMAN TWO - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Now this is the story of Hunneman Two, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Old Hunneman Two from Andover town; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —A tub with the likeliest, heftiest crew - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That ever hoorayed in a hot break-’er-down. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I’ll give you the facts, for if any one knows - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It’s me who was Hunneman’s foreman of hose: - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ev’ry feller we mustered was over six feet - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the gang that we brought to a fireman’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - meet - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They never was licked and they never was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - downed, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And a crowd up against us would likely get - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - drowned. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ev’ry man in the forty was six feet and more - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And their shirts was the reddest that ever men - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wore; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Whenever they hollered they’d jump up a yard - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And when they came down they came dreffully - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hard. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ev’ry man had a trumpet and some of them - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tew - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —And’twas safest to plug up your ears when - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - they blew. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They’d ballast the tub with a cart-load of stone - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And stuff her with sody ontil she would groan - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then they’d spit on their fists and would gaffle - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that beam - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And whoop fa, la larry, my jinks what a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stream! - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas h’ist on the beam till your eyeballs gog- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - gled, - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Hump-jump-pump! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Give her the tar till her old sides woggled, - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Pump-jump-hump! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Down with the beam till it sartin would seem - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We were drowndin’ the sun in a hissin’, white - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stream. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Oh, there never was anything up with the crew - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That buckled the beam of old Hunneman Two. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - One time we were playin’ at Andover fair - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And old Uncle Boomer drove up with his mare. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She cocked up an eye for to see the stream sail - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then she up with her ears and her head and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - her tail; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And whoosh! she was off down the Bunganuck - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - road - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - At as lively a clip as a mare ever hoed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now the Bunganuck road it was right straight - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - away, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And jest for a hector we started to play - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Right over the tailboard, right into his team, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And we followed him up with old Hunneman’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stream. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We followed him one mile, we followed him - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tew - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With the foreman a-swearin’ and all of the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - crew - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A-breakin’ her down and a-crackin’ their heels - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Till we lifted her plum fair and square off the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wheels. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We followed him three miles, we followed him - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - four - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —If he hadn’t shied off we’d a-followed him - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - more. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Old Boomer got rheumatiz out of wet feet - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For we kept his old waggin full, clear to the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - seat. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas h’ist on the beam till your eyeballs gog- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - gled, - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Pump-jump-hump! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Give her the tar till her old sides woggled, - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Hump-jump-pump! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Down with the beam till it sartin would seem - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We were drownin’ the sun in a hissin’ white - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stream. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Oh, there never was anything up with the crew - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That buckled the beam of old Hunneman Two. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0057" id="link2H_4_0057"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - ORADUDOLPH MOODY, REPRESENTATIVE-ELECT - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Bring on your speechifyin’ runts, yes, bring - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - your biggest gun; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Trot out your high-flown orators, we don’t bar - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - nary one. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - From Quoddy Head to Caribou, from there to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sassy York, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Bring out your braggadosho chaps who think - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that they can talk. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We’ve got our man—don’t want no odds’nd - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - warn you fair and true - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So’t when the Legislatoor meets you’ll have - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - your men there, too. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’s jest a’goin’ to sweep the floor, we’ll have - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - you recollect, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Our Oradudolph Moody, reprusentertive- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - elect. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When Mister Moody rises up ’nd ’hams ’nd - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - clears his thro’t - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Nd loosens up his gallowses ’nd lays aside his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - co’t, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I guess he’ll fool the av’rage man, he looks so - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cool ’nd carm, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A-dribblin out his words ’nd wavin’ careless- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - like his arm. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But pretty soon that arm goes and quivers in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the air, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - His hand a-wrigglin’ up a-top, seems ’sif ’twas - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - spinnin’ there. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It acts as sort of windmill, pumpin’ langwidge - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I expect - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - From Oradudolph Moody, reprusentertive-elect. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When Oradudolph Moody speaks he has the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - durndest knack - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of windin’ up opponents so they never an- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - swer back. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When yearly meetin’ comes around he alwus - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - swings the town - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - On anything he advocates from new school- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - houses down. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The elerquence just bubbles up without no - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - work at all, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He almost mesmerizes everybody in the hall. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Nd down there to Augusty you’ll parceive the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - strange effect - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of Oradudolph Moody, reprusentertive-elect. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Magnetic! He’s a dynamo, his pulley never - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - slips, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Nd eelectricity!—It runs right off his finger- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tips. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We’ve tried to send him down before, but no, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he wouldn’t go; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He said he had no time to fool with Legisla- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tors, so - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Our town ain’t never had a man to speak, ex- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cept Mulkearn, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who managed once to stutter out a motion to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - adjourn. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But now, by gosh jest set right back and wish- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fully expect - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Our Oradudolph Moody, reprusentertive- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - elect. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0058" id="link2H_4_0058"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - TRIBUTE TO MR. ATKINS’S BASS VOICE - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - E. Perley Atkins had a low—deep—bass. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The noise came out of his face, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But the place - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Whence the sound sprung - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And bubbled toward the bung, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When he sung, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To come lolloping up to his tongue, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In long fortissimo hoots, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Or staccato toots, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —That place was suttin’ly down in his boots. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Omp, omp! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That was the kind of a bass - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That oozed from the face - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of E. Perley Atkins who lived in our place. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He sung at all the paring bees, the quilting teas, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and parti-ees - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He sung at all the shindigees we had for miles - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - around. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He opened his lip and let her rip and folks were - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - never obliged to tease, - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - For he allowed - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - That he was proud - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As well as the rest of the awe-struck crowd - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of the deep, profundo timbre of that sound. - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Boomp, boomp! - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He wended thus on his deep, bass way - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ready to omp, omp night or day. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He sung in the choir Sunday forenoon - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And an hour later furnished a tune - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For the Sabbath school and the Bible class, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a voice that was meller’n apple sass. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - At evenin’ meetin’ he came around - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Full to the neck with that cream-rich sound, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the way he would lead Coronation hymn - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Would lift ye off’n your pew, by Jim. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - On Monday nights he had a call - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To sing for the Maltys at Jackson’s Hall. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Tuesdays the Masons and Wednesdays he - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Sung like blazes for the I. G. T. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Thursdays, class-meetings, Fridays, sings - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With Saturdays open for rackets and things. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A busy week? Well, I guess, but wait, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I mustn’t forget, my friend, to state - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There warn’t no fun’ral for ten miles’round, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No dear departed tucked under ground, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No mourners jammed in a settin’ room, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Sozzled in grief and soaked in gloom, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But Perley was there with his rich, cream bass - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To trickle like salve on the wounded place. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the tears would dry on each mourner’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - nose, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They’d perk right up and forget their woes - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And nudge each other and say, “Suz me, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - What a beautiful funeral voice that be.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And in time, though he sang for all who asked, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For saint and sinner, still he basked - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In especial favor as one whose ease - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And voice gave a tone to obsequies. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It’s whispered around, and I guess it’s so - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That when he hinted he thought he’d go - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To Rome and Paris to train that bass, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A widow and three old maids in the place, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Who were living along, no man knew why, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Decided they’d hurry up and die. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They just stopped breathing and died from - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - choice - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For the sake of having that funeral voice - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Draw copious streams from the mourner’s eyes - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And give them a send-off toward Paradise. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —No man who’s monkeyed with bass B-flat - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Got ever a compliment higher’n that. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He sung at all the paring bees, the quilting teas, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the parti-ees, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He sung at all the shindigees for twenty miles - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - around. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He opened his lip and let her rip, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Admirers had no need to tease, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he sprung a bass that joggled the roof and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fairly shook the ground. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While the echoes of his “funeral voice” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Made even the cherubim rejoice, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As the melody pulsed against the skies - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And ushered a soul into Paradise. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0059" id="link2H_4_0059"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - JIM’S TRANSLATION - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Couldn’t speak of nothin’ smart—no one strong - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - or spry— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Thout old Talleyrand B. Beals to grab right - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - in an’ lie! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - All the thing he’d talk about was chap by name - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of Jim, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ev’ry story that he told was sort of hung round - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - him. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Said the critter’d worked for him twenty - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - years before, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Yarn at last it got to be the by-word down - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - t’ th’ store, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When we’d hear of biggish things, “That,” - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - we’d say, “I swan, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Beats tophet, taxes, time an’ tide an’ Bealses’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hired man.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Beals, though, clacked right on an’ on; would - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - set an’ chaw an’ spit, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ tell us’bout that hired man—couldn’t make - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - him quit! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Champyun jump or heft or swim— ’twas all the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - same to him, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’d wait till all the rest had shot, then plug - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the mark with Jim. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Had to laugh the other day—boys were down - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - t’ th’ store, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Talleyrand got started in—the dratted, deef - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - old bore! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Silas Erskine’s boy spoke up—that’s Ez; wal, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ez says he, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Say, Tal, what ever come o’ Jim?” Old - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Beals uncrossed his knee, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Said he, “A master cur’us chap, that Jim was, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I must say, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Seemed to like us fine as silk, but off he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - went one day, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Went right off without a yip—didn’t take his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - clothes; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Hank’rin’ struck him all to once—couldn’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wait, don’t s’pose. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Didn’t even take his pay, which was some sur- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - prise, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Prob’ly, though, a lord or dook, trav’lin’ in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - disguise.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Beals he stopped an’ gnawed his plug; chawed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - an’ chawed a while, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then Ben Haskell hitched around an’ smole a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sing’lar smile. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Told that hired man,” said he, “I’d never let - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - it out, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Guess I’d better tell it, though, an’ settle all - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - this doubt. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Want to say right here an’ now, to back up - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Beals,” says Ben, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “His Jim did sartin wear the crown amongst - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - all hired men.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - S’prised us all when Ben said that,’cause he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - us’al planned - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - All the hector, tricks an’ jokes’t were put on - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Talleyrand. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ben, though, kept right on his talk. Ben says, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - then says he, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Here’s the secret how he went for I’m the man - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that see. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Happened down in Allen’s field day he disap- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - peared, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jim came’crost the intervale; straight as H he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - steered - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To’ards that silver popple tree; up that tree he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dim’, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Set there, sort o’ lost in thought, a-straddle - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of a limb. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jest as I’d got underneath he sighed an’ took a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - piece - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of mutton taller—give his boots a heavy co’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of grease, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Greased his fingers nice an’ slick an’ then—an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - then, I swear, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Grabbed them boot-straps, give a pull an’ up - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he went in air.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Ought to heered us critters laugh—gre’t big - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Haw, haw, haw-w-!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jason Britt he dropped his teeth, Erskine gulped - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his chaw, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Talleyrand jest set there grum—fin’ly snorted - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - “Sho! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Think ye’re smart, ye pesky fool! Lemme tell - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ye, though, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Tain’t so thund’rin’ big a stretch ye made then - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - when ye lied, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Bet ye Jim could lift himself, providin’ he had - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tried. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Stout? I see’d him boost a rock—” “Minit, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Tal,” says Ben, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Hain’t got done my story yit! Jest ye wait - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - till then. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Soon’s I see’d that critter start, hollered - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - loud’s a loon, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Jeero cris’mus, Jim,’ said I, ‘startin’ for the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - moon?’ - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jim looked down an’ said, says he, ‘Don’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - know where I’ll fetch, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ner care a rap so long’s I dodge old Beals, the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - mean old wretch! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Trouble is, consarn his soul, his feed has been - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - so slim - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ve fell away till northen’s left’cept clothes an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - name o’ Jim. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Reckin then I’ll h’ist myself,’cause, ye see, I’ve - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - found - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It’s blame sight easier raisin’ up than holdin’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to the ground.’ - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Then he give them straps a tug an’ up he went - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - from sight, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Stood an’ watched him till he growed to jest - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a leetle mite! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’s the champyun hired man, sartin sure, be- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cause - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Critter went to Paradise, prob’ly jest’s he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - was.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Talleyrand he got so mad he actyal wouldn’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - speak, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Didn’t come t’ th’ store agin for more’n a solid - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - week. . - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Soon’s he edged around some more wa’n’t no - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - talk from him - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Bout no hired men, you bet! Clack was shet - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on Jim. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0060" id="link2H_4_0060"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - ELIPHALET JONES—INVENTOR - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Inventor Jones—Eliphalet Jones, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ah, he was the fellow for schemes! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Though critics might carp and his rivals throw - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stones, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They never vexed Uncle Eliphalet Jones, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Or troubled his radiant dreams. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He calmly asserted that every day - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - One hundred inventions, or so, came his way; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They flocked through his mind in such myriad - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - rout - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He hadn’t the leisure to figure them out. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But he said if a fellow should chase him around - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a pencil and notebook’twould surely be - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - found - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That projects prolific were shed from his brain - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As a wet bush, when shaken, will scatter the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - rain. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When he plowed, when he hoed, when he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sowed, when he mowed - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He was steadily throwing off load after load - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of notions, he stated—each notion a mint - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For the chap who would take and develop the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hint. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But Eliphalet Jones—Eliphalet Jones - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Was so busy with farmwork and clearing off - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stones, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So busy with milking and errands and chores - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He scattered inventions by dozens and scores - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a liberal hand, but with barren effect, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For they dried on the cold, arid sands of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - neglect. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But for all he forgot he would cheerfully say - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There were always as many the very next day. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he figured it up; though enormous it - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - seems - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He had fashioned and fired some ten thousand - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - schemes. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now, out of that number a limited few - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Eliphalet tackled and engineered through; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A few little notions right out of his head - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To help out the farmwork, he carelessly said. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - One patent, a holder to hitch a cow’s tail - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So she couldn’t keep swatting the man with the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - pail; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A few dozen scarecrows of hellish design, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Real impish constructions to jig on a line - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That was jerked by a water-wheel down in the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - brook; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - All the horses that passed, if they got a good - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - look - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Tumbled down stiff and dead or else, frantic - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - with fear, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Kicked the wagon in bits and spun’round on - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - one ear. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he rigged a contrivance by which ev’ry - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - morn - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - His old Brahma rooster descending for corn, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Stepped down on a lever that flipped up a lock - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And down came the fodder in front of the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stock. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Still, these were but puerile notions beside - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The thing that he hoped for—his spur and his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - pride, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - His climax of schemes ere he went back to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dust— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For he vowed that he’d fathom the secret or - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - “bust;” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That if motion perpetual ever could be - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Discovered by mortal, that man should be he. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So he fussed with his springs and his wee-jees - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and wings - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And all sorts of queer little duflicker things, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he builded queer whiz-a-jigs, then with a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - frown - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He ruthlessly, scornfully cuffed them all down. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Well, the years hurried by, as the years surely - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - will, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But Eliphalet Jones he was confident still, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For he constantly vowed that some thingumy - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - spring - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Put somewhere “would settle the dad-ratted - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - thing.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yet the years skittered past and his head was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - snow-white - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he almost had solved it, but never “jest - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - quite;” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So the neighbors employed some satirical tones - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When they chanced to refer to Perpetual Jones. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But hail to his name and remember his fame! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - At the last—at the last, friends, he won the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - great game! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He died at the birth of his triumph,’tis true, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he left only words—yet I give them to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - you, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Convinced they’re a gift to the world, without - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - doubt, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Or will be as soon as the thing is worked out. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He sat in his chair by the window one day - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While his grandson was out with a puppy at - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - play; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the boy hitched some meat to the tail of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that pup, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then he gave him a twirl and the puppy “gee- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ed up,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he spun and he spun and he spun and he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - spun - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Just as fast at the last as when he begun, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But the tail and the meat ever kept just ahead - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of the clamorous jaws as the puppy dog sped. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “There she is,” cried Eliphalet, “darned if she - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ain’t! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There’s perpetual motion!” and pallid and faint - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He fell prone and dying. They lifted him up - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And his eyes, glazed with death, looked their - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - last on that pup. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And through the dark shade of mortality’s fog - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He gasped, “All you need is the right kind of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dog.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Inventor Jones—Eliphalet Jones, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ah, he was the fellow for schemes; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Though critics might carp and his rivals throw - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stones - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They never vexed Uncle Eliphalet Jones, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Or troubled his radiant dreams. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0061" id="link2H_4_0061"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE PANTS JEMIMY MADE - </h2> - <p> - <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0009" id="linkimage-0009"> </a> - </p> - <div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> - <img src="images/0231.jpg" alt="0231 " width="100%" /><br /> - </div> - <h5> - <a href="images/0231.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> - </h5> - <p class="indent15"> - Aunt Brown—Jemimy Brown— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Was a spinster, spinner-weaver of merited re- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - nown; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Our town set it down - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As a fact beyond disputing there was never - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - any suiting - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Like the suiting that was made by Spinster - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Brown. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She raised the wool she made it of, she even - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - raised the sheep, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She fed ’em on the toughest straw the hired - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - man could reap - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She spun the thread with double-twist and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - made a warp and woof - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So tarnal tough it really seemed’twas almost - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bullet-proof. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And when the cloth was shrunk and dyed and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ready for a suit - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The men in town would almost fight, they’d - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - get in such dispute - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Concerning who had spoken first—the farthest - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - in advance— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And therefore had the prior claim on Aunt - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jemimy’s pants. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The cloth that folks make nowadays is slimpsy, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sleazy stuff; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It’s colored up in fairish style and fashionable - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - enough! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But blame the goods! It’s made to sell—it - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - isn’t made to wear— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - These trousers here I’ve worn five year, and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that is merely fair. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But when you bought a cut of cloth of Aunt - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jemimy’s weave, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You got some stuff to last you through, you’d - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - better just believe! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Why, ’bout the time that modern pants are get- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ting worn and thin - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A pair of Aunt Jemimy’s pants were scarcely - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - broken in. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ve got a pair up attic now, made forty years - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ago - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They’re just as tough as iron still and Time - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - has made no show. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They’ve stood the brunt of honest work and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dulled the tooth of moth, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And there they stand, as stiff’s a slab, good, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - plain, old-fashioned cloth. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And so I think it’s only right that tribute - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - should be paid - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To those old sturdy pioneers—the pants Je- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - mimy made. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The day I first put on those pants I held a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - break-up plough— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The farmers of these later days don’t have - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - such wrassles now; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I drove six oxen on ahead, a pretty hefty team, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For farming in those old, old days took mus- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cle, grit and steam; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You didn’t stop for rocks and stumps, nor - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dodge and skive and skip, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Or else you’d have to lug your meals on ev’ry - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - furrow’s trip, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And so the only thing to do was make the oxen - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tread - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And hold the ploughshare deep and true, and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - plunk ’er straight ahead. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So back and forth and back and forth I - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ploughed and ploughed that day; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I tackled ev’ry rock and snag that dared dispute - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - my way, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Until the only critter left was one old maple - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stump, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I?—I gave the team the gad—and took - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ’er on the jump! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She split in halves and through I went, but - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - back she slapped, ker-whack, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And gripped Jemimy’s pantaloons right where - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - she’d left the slack. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The team was going double-quick—the oxen - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - plunged along— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I held the old oak handle-bars, I gripped ’em - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - good and strong— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And there I was, the living link’twixt stump - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and plough, because - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The cloth it stuck there good and tight between - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - those maple jaws. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jemimy never planned on that, in making pants - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - for me; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She made ’em solid, yet of course she gave no - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - guarantee - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That they would stand a yank like that—but - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - still I clung and yelled, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Those oxen plunged and tussled and—Je- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - mimy’s pants, they held! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the stump came out a-kicking, roots and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dirt and stones and all, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But those pants weren’t even started by that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - most tremendous haul, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And to prove this ’ere is truthful, should some - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - scoffer cast a doubt, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I have saved the chips and hewings where they - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - came and chopped me out. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Aunt Brown—Jemimy Brown— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Was a spinster, spinner-weaver of merited re- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - nown; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Our town set it down - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As a fact beyond disputing there was never - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - any suiting - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Like the suiting that was made by Spinster - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Brown. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0062" id="link2H_4_0062"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - BALLADS OF “CAPERS AND ACTIONS” - </h2> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0063" id="link2H_4_0063"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - BALLAD OF ELKANAH B. ATKINSON - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Elkanah B. Atkinson’s tarvun was run - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - On a plan that was strictly his own; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he “reckoned that dudified sons of a gun” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Would far better leave him alone. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He allowed that he always had plenty to eat - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For folks that liked vitt-u-als plain; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ when ye came down to pettaters and meat - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - His house was a credit to Maine. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The garding truck they raised themselves, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They killed their pork; and the but’ry shelves - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jest fairly groaned with jells and jams; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —In a shed out back they smoked their hams. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And old Elkanah used to brag - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They laid down pickles by the kag; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And they had the darndest hens to lay - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Got fifty eggs most ev’ry day— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And ev’ry egg was big’s your fist - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And fresher’n a whiff of mountain mist. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The whole blamed house it used to shake - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When old Elkanah pounded steak, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For he used to say what made meat tough - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Was ’cause some cooks warn’t strong enough. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he piled the grub right on sky-high: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Soup and meat and fish and pie - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —All the courses on first whack— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And then Elkanah he’d stand back - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And say: “There, people, now hoe in; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When ye’ve et that grub, pass up ag’in; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of course we hain’t no big hotel, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But some few things, why, we dew well.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - P. Mortimer Perkins came down from New - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - York, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —A salesman for corsets and things; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With his trousers all creased and a lah-de-dah - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - walk, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As if he were jiggered by strings;— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Arrived at the Atkinson tarvun one night - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And says to Elkanah, says he: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “I want to be called just as soon as it’s light, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For I’m going first train, don’t ye see. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It’s very important I go by first train, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But I find in these country hotels - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The service ye get gives a fellah a pain - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —They don’t even answer the bells. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now I want to be called for that train, me good - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - man, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For it’s very important I go; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now weally, old chappie, please see if you can - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Just do a thing right once, y’ know- - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ye may call me at four, and at half after four - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ll bweakfast; now recollect, please! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Before I wetire I’ll tell you once more; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —You’ll get the idea by degwees.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Elkanah B. Atkinson lowered his specs - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To the very tip-end of his nose; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Says he: “When a feller he really expec’s - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To go by that train, wal—he goes. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jest fall right asleep and don’t worry a mite; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - This hain’t -no big city hotel, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But we’ll git ye to goin’ termorrer all right, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For there’s some things we dew fairly well.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Elkanah B. Atkinson sat all night - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And kept the office fire bright. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He nodded some and yawned and smoked, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And at half-past three he went and poked - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The kitchen fire; then pounded steak - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And set potatoes in to bake. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Started the coffee and all the rest - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And then went up to call his guest. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Bangity, whang! on the cracked old door! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Whangity, bang! It checked a snore. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - P. Mortimer Perkins opened his eyes - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In the cold dark dawn with much surprise, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And under the coverlet warm and thick - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - On the good, old-fashioned feather tick, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Felt the cold on his nose like a frosty knife - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And was never so sleepy in all his life. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But still bang, whang on the cracked old door! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And Elkanah shouting, “Mos’ ha’f-pas’ four!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But the louder the old man pounded and yapped - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The more the drummer garped and gapped. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - At last says he: “Is it stormy—oh-h-h?” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Wall,” says Elkanah, “she’s spittin’ snow.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - P. Mortimer Perkins snuggled down - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And says he, “This isn’t a blamed bad town; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I say, old man, now please go’way, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ve changed my mind, and I guess I’ll stay.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Elkanah B. Atkinson then says he: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “This changin’ minds is a bad idee; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ve set in that office there all night - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So’s I could git ye up all right. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ breakfus’ is on, an’ the coffee’s hot; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now, friend, ye can go on that train or not, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But I tell ye now, right off- the reel, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ye’re goin’ to git up and eat that meal.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /><a name="linkimage-0010" id="linkimage-0010"> </a> - </p> - <div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> - <img src="images/0241.jpg" alt="0241 " width="100%" /><br /> - </div> - <h5> - <a href="images/0241.jpg"><img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> - </h5> - <p class="indent15"> - P. Mortimer Perkins cursed and swore, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But Elkanah slammed right through that door, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he pulled that drummer out of bed - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And brandished a chair’round over his head; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He poked his ribs and made him dress - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So sleepy still that his gait cut S - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As he staggered down to the dining-room - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And ate his meal in the cheerless gloom, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While over him stood the grim old man - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a stick and a steaming coffee can. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Now, mister,” allowed Elkanah, “sence - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It’s a special breakfus’ it’s thutty cents.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When the feller paid, as meek’s a pup, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And stuttered “Now, can I be put up?” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Why, sartin, mister,” Elkanah said; - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - “Ye can go to tophet or back to bed; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There hain’t hard feelin’s, no, none at all, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But when a feller he leaves a call - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - At the Atkinson House for an early meal, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He gits it served right up genteel, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ when it’s served, wal, now you bet - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There hain’t no peace till that meal’s been et. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of course we hain’t no big hotel, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But some few things we dew quite well.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0064" id="link2H_4_0064"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - BALLAD OF OBADI FRYE - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas a battered old, double-B, twisted bass - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - horn, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a yaw in the flare at its end; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A left-over veteran, relic forlorn - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of the halcyon days when a band had been - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - born - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To the village of Buckleby Bend. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The band was dismembered by time and by - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - death - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As the years went a-scurrying by, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And only one player was left with his breath - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - And that was old Obadi’ I. - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - P. Frye. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Old Obadi’ Isaac Pitt Frye. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - With a glow in his eye - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - He would plaintively try - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To puff out the tune that they marched to at - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - training; - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - But the tremolo drone - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Of the brassy old tone - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Quavered queerly enough with his scant breath - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - remaining. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ah, the years had been many and bent was his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - back, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And caved was his chest and departed his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - knack; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So, though he was filled with musicianly pride - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And huffed at the mouthpiece and earnestly - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tried - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To steady his palsied old lip and control - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The old-fashioned harmonies stirring his soul— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There was nothing in Buckleby quite so for- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lorn - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As the oomp-tooty-oomp of that old bass horn. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To the parties and sociables, quiltings and sings - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - They invited old Obadi’ Frye; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’d give ’em doldrums of old-fashioned - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - things - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With occasional bass obligato for strings - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - —Or at least he would zealously try. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The minister coaxed him to buy a cornet - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - And chirk up a bit in his tune, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But none could induce him to ever forget - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - His love for that old bassoon, - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - Whose tune - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Was the solace of life’s afternoon. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - So he’d splutter and moan - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - With his thin, gusty tone - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But his empty old lungs balked his anxious en- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - deavor. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - He hadn’t the starch - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - For a jig or a march, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And with double-F volume he’d parted forever. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For he hadn’t the breath for a triple note run, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas a whoof and a pouf! and alas, he was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - done; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But the pride of his heart was that old double- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bass, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He was happy alone with its lips at his face. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So he sat in his old leather chair day by day - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And whooped the one solo he’d power to play, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An anthem entitled, “All Hail Christmas - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Morn,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As rendered by gulps on an old bass horn. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “All hail—hoomp—hoomp—bright Christmas - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - morn, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Hail—hoomp, hoomp—hoomp—fair - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hoomp—hoomp—dawn; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Turn—hoomp—hoomp, eyes - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Hoomp—hoomp, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - HOOMP—skies, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - When—hoomp—hoomp, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hoomp—H O O M P—boom. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While a-tooting one morning his breath flick- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ered out - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - With a sort of a farewell purr; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of course there are many to scoff and to scout, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But’twas sucked by that cavernous horn with- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - out doubt, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - At least, so the neighbors aver. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They laid him away in the churchyard to rest - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And with grief that they sought not to hide, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They placed the old battered B-B on his breast - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And that Christmas hymn score by his side— - </p> - <p class="indent30"> - His pride, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ‘Twas the tune that he played when he died. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Now, who here denies - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - That far in the skies - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He is probably calmly and placidly winging; - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - That his spirit new-born - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - With his score and his horn - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Takes flight where the hosts are triumphantly - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - singing. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yet it irks me to think that he’s far in that - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Land - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With only the score of one anthem in hand. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For the music Above must be novel and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - strange— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Too intricate far for that double-B range, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But at last when the Christmastide rings in the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - skies - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There’ll be some queer quavers in fair Para- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dise, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For an humble old spirit will calmly allow - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “I reckin I’ll give ’em that horn solo now.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Up there we are certain there’s no one to carp - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Because Obadiah won’t tackle a harp— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Seraphs and cherubs will hush their refrain - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When a new note of praise intermingles its - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - strain, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he’ll add to the jocund delight of that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - morn - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With his anthem, “All hail,” on that old bass - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - horn. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “All hail—hoomp—hoomp—bright Christmas - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - morn, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Hail—hoomp, hoomp—hoomp—fair - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hoomp—hoomp—dawn; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Turn—hoomp—hoomp, eyes - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hoomp—hoomp, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - HOOMP—skies, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When—hoomp—hoomp, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hoomp—HOOMP—born.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0065" id="link2H_4_0065"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - AT THE OLD FOLKS’ WHANG - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Flappy-doodle, flam, flam—whack, whack, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - whack! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Balance to the corners and forward folks and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - back; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Gaffle holt an’ gallop for an eight hands round, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While the brogans and the cowhides they pessle - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and they pound;- - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No matter for the Agger providin’ there’s the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - time. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jest cuff’er out and jig’er;—jest hoe’er down - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and climb! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - No matter’bout your toes or corns; let rheu- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - matiz go hang, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For we’re weltin’ out the wickin at the old - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - folks’ whang. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - —At the old folks’ whang - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Hear the cowhides bang, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When we “up and down the center” at the old - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - folks’ whang. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yang, tangty, yee-yah!—yang, yang, yang! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Old Branscomb plays the fiddle at the old folks’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - whang; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he puts a sight o’ ginger in the chitter of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the string, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —It isn’t frilly playin’ but he makes that fiddle - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sing. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He slashes out promis’cus, sort o’ mixin’ up - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the tune, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Takes the <i>Irish Washerivoman</i>, slams’er up - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - agin <i>Zip Coon</i>; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he <i>Speeds the Plough</i> a minute, then he’ll - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sort o’change his mind - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And go off a-gallivantin’ with the <i>Girl I left </i> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Behind. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Oh, he mixes up his music queerest way I ever - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - saw, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For he shifts the tune he’s playin’ ev’ry time - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he shifts his chaw; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But we never mind the changes for he keeps us - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on the climb, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —He may twist the tune a little but he’s thun- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - der on the time! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So line up and choose your pardners—we’re - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the old ones out for fun, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You’ll forgit your stiff rheumaticks jest as soon - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - as you’ve begun. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Course we ain’t so spry and spiffy as we used - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to be, but yet - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We can show them waltzy youngsters jest a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - thing or two, you bet. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We will dance the good old contras as we used - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to years ago, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jest as long as Uncle Branscomb has the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - strength to yank the bow. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There is no one under sixty—we’ve shet out - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the youngster gang - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And we’re goin’ to welt the wickin’ at the old - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - folks’ whang. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - —At the old folks’ whang - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Hear the cowhides bang, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When we canter up the center at the old folks’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - whang. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0066" id="link2H_4_0066"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - O, the sleddin’s gettin’ ragged and it’s dodge - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and skip and skive, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Till it’s jest an aggravation for to try to start - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and drive. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Fust to this side, then to t’other—here some - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ice and there some snow, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Just continyal gee and holler; fust “Gid- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dap,” and then it’s “Whoa!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Takes a half a day to git there, round by way - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - o’ Robin Hood; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Like as not ye’ll bust your riggin’ haulin’ out - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - your hay and wood. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Tain’t no way o’ doin’ bus’ness; ’tain’t no - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - way to haul a load, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —You must do your hefty haulin’ in the mid- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dle of the road. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - If ye want to keep a-hoein’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Better wait for settled goin’, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For twice the heft goes easy in the middle of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the road. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - O, in dealin’s with your neighbors, brother, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sure as you’re alive, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It’s better to go straight ahead and never skip - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - or skive. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For the man who keeps a-dodgin’ back and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - forth across the way - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Like enough will find his outfit in the gutter, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stuck to stay. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Till the road is clear and settled, till with can- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dor in your heart - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You can see your way before you, guess ye - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hadn’t better start; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For to get there square and easy; and to lug - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - your honest load, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You’ll find it’s best to travel in the middle of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the road. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - —So’s to make an honest showin’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Better wait for settled goin’, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then, s’r, hustle brisk and stiddy in the mid- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dle of the road. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0067" id="link2H_4_0067"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - DRIVIN’ THE STAGE - </h2> - <p class="indent20"> - Drivin’ the stage, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Oh, drivin’ the stage, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With the wind fairly peelin’ your hide with its - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - aidge! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jest got to git through with the’Nited States - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - mail - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For the contract provisions don’t have the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - word “Fail.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So it’s out and tread drifts while the snow - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - howls and sifts - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For a dollar a trip—and no extrys—no gifts. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For them star-route contractors they figger it - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fine - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And take it right out of the chaps on the line. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They set in an office and rake in their slice - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While the drivers are tusslin’ the snow and the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ice. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It may howl, it may yowl, it may snow, it may - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - blow - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But that’Nited States mail, wal, it jest has to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - go. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So it’s out and unhitch, leave the pung where - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - it’s stuck, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Lo’d the bags on the hosses and then, durn ye, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - huck! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And it’s waller and struggle, walk stun’-walls - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and rails - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For they don’t stand no foolin’—them’Nited - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - States mails. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And at last when ye git there, jest tuckered - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and beat, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And sling in the bags and crowd up to the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - heat, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The gang round the stove they don’t give ye - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - no praise - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But set there and toast themselves’side of the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - blaze; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And ev’ry old, wobble-shanked son of a gun - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Sets up there and tells ye how he would have - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - done! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —If there’s any one job gives your temper an - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - aidge, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - It’s drivin’ the stage, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - —It’s drivin’ the stage. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0068" id="link2H_4_0068"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - “DOC” - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - In his big, fur coat and with mittens big as - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hams, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With his string of bells a-jingling, through the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - country side he slams. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There are lots of calls to make and he’s always - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on the tear, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A-looming in his cutter like an amiable bear. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - And it’s hi-i-i, there! - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Johnny don’t ye care, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Though’tis aching something awful and is - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - most too much to bear. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Just—be—gay! - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - As soon as it is day, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That pain will go a-flyin’, for the doctor’s on - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the way. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There are real, true saints; there are angels all - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - around, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But there isn’t one that’s welcomer than he is, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ll be bound. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When he bustles in the bed-room and he dumps - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his buff’ler coat, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And sticks a glass thermometer a-down the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - suff’rin throat. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - And it’s chirk, cheer up! - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - Mother, bring a cup! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You’re going to like this bully when you take - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a little sup. - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - There—there—why, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - There’s a twinkle in your eye! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You’ll be out again to-morrow, bub; gid-dap, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - gid-dap, good-bye! - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0069" id="link2H_4_0069"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - ANOTHER “TEA REBELLION” - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - When Mis’ Augusty Nichols joined the Tufts - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Minerva Club, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She polished up on manners and she then com- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - menced to rub - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - At the hide of Mister Nichols who, while not - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - exactly rude, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Was hardly calculated for a howling sort of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dude. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now when Augusty Nichols got to see how - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - style was run, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You bet she went for Nichols and she dressed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - him down like fun; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the thing in all his actions that she couldn’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bear to see - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Was to have him fill his saucer and go whoof- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ling up his tea. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - After more’n a month of stewing;—making - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - mis’able his life, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She taught him not to shovel all his vittles - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - with his knife. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And after more’n a volume of pretty spicy talk - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She got him in the hang of eating pie with just - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his fork. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She trained him so’s he didn’t slop the vittles - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - round his plate, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She plagued him till he wouldn’t sit in shirt- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sleeves when he ate, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And then she tried her Waterloo, with faith in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - high degree - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That she could revolutionize his way of drink- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ing tea. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He drank it as his father always quaffed the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cheering cup, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He poured it in his saucer, raised the brimming - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - puddle up - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And gathered in the liquid with a loud re- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sounding “Swoof” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That now at last inspired Mrs. Nichols’ fierce - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - reproof. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But here was where the victim—ah, here was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - where the worm - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Arose and fairly scared her by the vigor of his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - squirm, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Sat down his steaming saucer and with a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dangerous light - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A-gleaming in his visage, he upbore a Yan- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - kee’s right. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - From the days of Boston’s party up to now I - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - think you’ll see - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That a Yankee’s independent when you bother - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - with his tea. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - “Consarn your schoolmarm notions,” thun- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dered Mrs. Nichols’ spouse, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - “You’ve kept a’dingin’ at me till I’m meechin - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - round the house. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ve swallered that and t’other for I didn’t like - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to row - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But ye ain’t a-going to boss me in the thing - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ye’ve tackled now. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’m durned if I’ll be scalded all the time I’m - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - being stung - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So I’ll cool my tea, Mis’ Nichols, while ye jab - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - me with your tongue.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There are rights ye cannot smother, tyrants, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - whoso’er ye be, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the good, New England Yankee’s mighty - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - touchy, sir, on tea. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0070" id="link2H_4_0070"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - “LIKE AN OLD COW’S TAIL” - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - When I was a youngster and lived on the farm - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It sickened my heart—did that morning alarm! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When dad came along to the foot of the stairs - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And summoned me back to my duties and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cares; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Put all of my glorious visions to rout - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With “Breakfast is ready! LP h’ist out there, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - h’ist out!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And when I came yawningly, sleepily down, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - My eyes “full of sticks” and my face all - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a-frown, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I got for a greeting this jocular hail, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Wal, always behind like an old cow’s tail.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ll own to you, neighbor, that work on the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - farm - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Had features not wholly surrounded by charm. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And when I am fashioning lyrical praise - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For matters bucolic of earlier days, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You’ll note that my lyre, sir, operates best - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When I tune up and sing of the blessings of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - rest. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ve stood in the stow-hole and “tread” on the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - load, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And waltzed with a bush scythe and worked - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on the road, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But somehow or other the language won’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - spring - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When prowess of muscle I venture to sing. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But when I am piping of “resting” or fun - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Or lauding the time after chores are all done, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Why, somehow—why, blame it, as sure as - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - you’re born, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I mentally feel that my trolley is on! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And a trolley, you know, would be certain to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fail, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Unless’twas behind like an old cow’s tail. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0071" id="link2H_4_0071"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - PASSING IT ALONG - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - The elephant he started in and made tremen- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dous fuss - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Alleging he was crowded by the hippopotamus; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He entertained misgivings that the earth was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - growing small, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And arrived at the conclusion that there wasn’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - room for all. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then the hippo got to thinking and he was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - frightened too - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And so he passed the word along and sassed the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - kangaroo. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The kangaroo as promptly took alarm and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - talked of doom - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And ordered all the monkeys off the earth to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - give him room. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the monkeys jawed the squirrels and the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - squirrels jawed the bees, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While the bees gave Hail Columby to the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - minges and the fleas, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —In the microscopic kingdom of the microbes, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I will bet - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That word of greedy jealousy is on its travels - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - yet; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - All just because the elephant got scared and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - made a fuss - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Alleging he was crowded by the hippopotamus. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0072" id="link2H_4_0072"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - A SETTIN’ HEN - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - When a hen is bound to set, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Seems as though ’tain’t etiket - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Dowsin’ her in water till - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She’s connected with a chill. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Seems as though ’twas skursely right - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Givin’ her a dreadful fright, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Tyin’ rags around her tail, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Poundin’ on an old tin pail, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Chasin’ her around the yard. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Seems as though ’twas kind of hard - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Bein’ kicked and slammed and shooed - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Cause she wants to raise a brood. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I sh’d say it’s gettin’ gay - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jest’cause natur’ wants its way. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —While ago my neighbor, Penn, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Started bustin’ up a hen; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Went to yank her off the nest, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Hen, though, made a peck and jest - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Grabbed his thumb-nail good and stout, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Almost yanked the darn thing out. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Penn he twitched away and then - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Tried again to grab that hen. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But, by ginger, she had spunk - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Cause she took and nipped a junk - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Big’s a bean right out his palm, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Swallered it, and cool and calm - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Hi’sted up and yelled “Cah-dah,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Sounded like she said “Hoo-rah.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Wal, sir, when that hen done that - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Penn he bowed, took off his hat, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Spunk jest suits him, you can bet, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Set,” says he, “gol darn ye, SET.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0073" id="link2H_4_0073"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - BALLAD OF DEACON PEASLEE - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - There was Uncle Ezry Cyphers and Uncle - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jonas Goff, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And Deacon Simon Peaslee, with his solemn - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - vestry cough; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Mis’ Ann Matilda Bellows and Aunt Almiry - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Hunt, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —At all the social meetings they performed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - their earnest stunt. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They were strong in exhortation, and pro- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - foundly entertained - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The belief that talking did it if a Heavenly - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Home were gained. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So they rose on Tuesday evening, at Friday - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - meeting, too, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And informed their friends and neighbors what - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the sinners ought to do; - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They explained the route to Heaven and ex- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - horted all to go - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In the straight and narrow pathway through - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the blandishments below; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They were good and they were earnest, but, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - alas, a little tame, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For month by month and year by year their - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - talks were just the same, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Until the folks who’d listened all those many - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - years could start - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And declaim those exhortations, for they had - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ’em all by heart. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And those old folks talked so constant there - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - was scarcely time to sing, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For they just let in regardless and monopolized - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the thing. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now, benign old Parson Johnson died at last. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There’s scarcely doubt - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That those prosy dissertations sort of wore - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the old man out. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he promptly was succeeded ere the church - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - had dried its tears - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - By a cocky, youthful pastor, who was full of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - new ideas. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now, he sized the situation ere he’d been in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - town a week, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he set to work to fix it by a plan that was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - unique, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For he saw unless he did so—and the Lord - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - allowed them breath, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Those devoted saints would surely talk that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wearied church to death. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - So he came to Tuesday meeting and upon his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - desk he placed - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A nickeled teacher’s call-bell and blandly then - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he faced - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An astonished congregation and explained he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - thought it best - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To condense the exhortations so as not to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - crowd the rest; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For he said that in the worship all the members - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ought to share, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And monopoly of talking by the elders wasn’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fair; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Therefore, each could have five minutes, and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he’d ring to let each know - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When ’twas time to cut the discourse and give - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - t’other one a show. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There were scowls from Uncle Ezry—there - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - were grunts from Uncle Goff, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And Deacon Simon Peaslee gave a scornful - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - vestry cough. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then he laid his cane beside him and he strug- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - gled to his feet - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And commenced his regular discourse in re- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - gard to tares and wheat. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He was scarcely fairly going on the punish- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ments of hell - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When the pastor smiled and nodded and ding- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - clink-ling went the bell! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - All the old folks gasped in horror and a titter - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - soft and low - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ran along the youthful sinners who were back - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on Devil’s Row; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And for just a thrilling instant Deacon Simon - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lost his force, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With astonished jaws a-gaping—then continued - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on his course. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To the pastor’s youthful visage swept a sudden - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - flush of wrath, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As the obstinate old deacon brushed him calmly - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - from his path, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And with all the college muscle that he had at - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his command - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The parson cuffed the call-bell with a swift - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and steady hand. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There was riot in the vestry—deacon vieing - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - with the bell, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - As he strove to paint the terrors of the hot, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - John Wesley hell, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Till at last he balked and stuttered, gasped a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - while and tried to speak, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then sat down with tears a-dropping through - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the furrows on his cheek. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There he bent in voiceless anguish with his old - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - gray head bowed low, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While the hushed and pitying people mourned - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to see him grieving so; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the parson left the platform and contritely - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - crept across - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To the side of Deacon Simon and expressed his - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - deep remorse. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But the deacon raised his visage, and, with tears - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - still streaming down, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Glared upon his trembling pastor with a fierce - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and scornful frown. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “Drat yer hide,” roared Deacon Simon, “do - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ye think that leetle bell - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Scart a warrior sech as I am out of talking - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - truths on hell? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Tain’t no passon sets me down, sah! ’Tain’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - no bell ye ever saw, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But ye went and got me narvous and ye’ve - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - made me eat my chaw.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then the deacon, stern and angry, arm in arm - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - with Jonas Goff, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And with Uncle Cyphers trailing, stalked in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - righteous dudgeon off, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the sympathizing parish held a meeting - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - there and then, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And extolled the absent deacon as the most - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - abused of men; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the parson’s walking papers hit his neck - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - below the jaw - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In about the same location that the deacon lost - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his chaw. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0074" id="link2H_4_0074"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE WORST TEACHER - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - <i>That teacher was the worst we ever tackled, </i> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He warnt so very tall, and he was light. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —It is best to lay your egg before you’ve - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cackled, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Though we never had a notion he could fight. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He acted sort of meechin’ when he opened up - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the school, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —We sort of got the notion he was “It”— - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and we tagged gool, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We gave him lots of jolly in a free and easy - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - way, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And showed him how we handled guys as got - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to acting gay. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We showed him where the other one had torn - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - away the door - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When we lugged him out and dumped him in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the snow the year before. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And soon’s we thought we’d scared him, we sat - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and chawed and spit, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And kind o’ thought we’d run the school—con- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cludin’ he was “It.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It worked along in that way, sir, till Friday - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - afternoon. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —We hadn’t lugged him out that week, but - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ’lowed to do it soon. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That Friday,’long about three o’clock, he said - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - there’d be recess, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And said, “The smaller kids and girls can go - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - for good, I guess.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And he mentioned smooth and smily, but with - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - kind of greenish eyes, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That the big boys were requested to remain - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - for exercise. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And when he called us in again he up and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - locked the door, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Shucked off his co’t and weskit, took the mid- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dle of the floor, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And talked about gymnastys in a quiet little - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - speech, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Then he made a pass at Haskell, who was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - nearest one in reach. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas hot and stiff and sudden and it took him - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - on the jaw, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And that was all the exercise the Haskell feller - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - saw. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then jumpin’ over Haskell’s seat, he sauntered - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - up the aisle, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A-hittin’ right and hittin’ left and wearin’ that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - same smile. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And when a feller started up and tried to hit - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - him back, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas slipper-slapper, whacko-cracker, whango- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bango-crack!! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And never, sir, in all your life, did you see - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - flippers whiz - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - In such a blame, chain-lightnin’ style as them - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ’ere hands of his. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And though we hit and though we dodged—or - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - rushed by twos and threes, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He simply strolled around that room and licked - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - us all with ease. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And when the thing was nicely done, he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dumped us in the yard, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He clicked the padlock on the door and passed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - us all a card. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And this was what was printed there: “Pro- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fessor Joseph Tate, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Athletics made a specialty and champion mid- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dleweight.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - <i>That teacher was the worst we ever tackled, </i> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He warn’t so very tall and he was light. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —It is best to lay your egg before you’ve - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cackled, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Though we never had a notion he could fight. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0075" id="link2H_4_0075"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE TUCKVILLE GRAND BALL - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Origen Dickerson called the figgers - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a voice like a cart ex that needed some - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - grease. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He and his partner would fiddle like niggers - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For supper an’ dollar an’ fifty apiece. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With forty couple upon the floor— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There wasn’t an inch for no one more, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We done the honors for all three towns - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - At the high, old Tuckville spanker-downs. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yeak, yawk, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Grab for your pardners! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yawk, yawk, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Wo’ hi-i-ish inter line! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yankity, yump-de, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yankity, yah-h de! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —For a fife and two fiddles that music was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fine. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And we pelted the floor and sashayed through - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the door, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And balanced to pardners and sashayed some - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - more. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And when we got orders to “all hands - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - around!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Warn’t half of the girls that could stay on the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ground. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For-rud and back! Wo’ haw, there, to Ella. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Wo’ buck inter line and balance to Grace. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Grab holt o’ hands, there, and swing by yer - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - feller, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Clek—clek, gid-dap-along, git inter place. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And the dust would rise and the lamps would - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - shake - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Till ye’d think their chimblys was goin’ to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - break. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For we’tended to dancin’ right up brown - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - At a high old Tuckville spanker-down. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Squeak, squawk, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Pick out yer feller! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Raw-w-wk, raw-w-wk, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Form on your set! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - High-deedle, do-o-o de, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - High-deedle, dah-h-h-de! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We swung by the waist in them dances, you - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - bet. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There wasn’t kid slippers, there wasn’t tight - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - boots, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There wasn’t silk dresses, there wasn’t dude - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - suits, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There wasn’t no banquet—ten dollars for two— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But a good brimmin’ bowlful of hot oyster - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - stew. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We’d darnce twenty numbers and all the en- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cores, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Get home in the mornin’ ’bout time for the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - chores— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And all the next day the work was like play, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The girls doin’ housework would waltz and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - sashay; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The boys would astonish the stock in the yard - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - By forgettin’ and yellin’, “Hi, all promunard!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Hi-i-i, yah-h-h! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ladies to center, there! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Hi-i-i, yah-h-h! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Balance ye all! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Wo’ hi-ish up the middle, bear down on the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fiddle, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - By ginger,’twas fun at the Tuckville Grand - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ball. - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0076" id="link2H_4_0076"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE ONE-RING SHOW - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - The street parade was gorgeous and the show - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - was mighty fine - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Them fellers on the trick trapeze was cork- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ers in their line, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And all the lady riders was as pretty as they’re - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - made, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And kept the climate fully up to ninety in the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - shade. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The chaps that did the tumbling acts and every - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - funny clown - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Was just as slick an article as ever came to - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - town. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ve got to tell yon, neighbor, that it all was up - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - in G, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Including all the things I saw and what I - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - didn’t see. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But though I did a master sight of rubber- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - neckin’ ’round, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A-lookin’ here and gawpin’ there, why, gra- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cious, me, I found - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - From what the folks have told me since, I - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - missed the finest things, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —I hadn’t eyes and neck enough for all them - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - three big rings. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And honest, if 1 had my choice, I’d good deal - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ruther go - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To just a good, old-fashioned sort of hayseed, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - one-ring show. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The people used to gather when Van Amburgh - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - came to town - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With a lion and an elephant, a camel and a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - clown. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There wasn’t “miles of splendor,” as the cir- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cus programs say, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But folks got up at daylight, drove in early in - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the day; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And they perched along the fences while the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dozen carts or so - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Came trailin’ through the village with the old - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Van Amburgh show. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - It wasn’t just “stupendous,” but the people - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - didn’t jeer - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And say it wasn’t up to what the circus was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - last year! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - O, no, they crunched their peanuts and they - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - took things as they’d come, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And heard a lot of music in the rump-rump of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the drum. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For things, you know, seemed fresher in the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - days when we were young, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And tinsel passed for solid stuff when lady - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - riders sprung - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Through papered hoops, or danced and frisked - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - upon their charger’s rump - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And vaulters spun to dizzy heights with one - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - jer-oosly jump. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - They did those ding-does master fine some - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - twenty years ago - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And you never missed a wiggle at a one-ring - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - show. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I won’t pick flaws with modern ways of doing - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - all these things, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For folks have got to living on the gauge of - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - three big rings. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But while the whirl is going on, it seems, my - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - friend, to me - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That half of what goes past your nose is things - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that you don’t see. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And when the angel cries, “All done,” and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - when the lights go out, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You’ll jostle to the dark Beyond amidst a diz- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - zied rout. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And life that’s lived at three ring pace I fear - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - will only seem - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A useless sort of patchwork thing—a mixed- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - up fruitless dream. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Why wasn’t “father’s way” the best? Though - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - there was less array, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Though men had less of creeds and cults than - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - what they have to-day, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The old folks then from Life’s great tent went - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - slowly thronging out - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - With calm, well-ordered years behind, unvexed - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - by care or doubt. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And though in old Van Amburgh’s days the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - thing moved rather slow, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You didn’t sprain your moral neck in looking - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - at Life’s Show. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0077" id="link2H_4_0077"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE SWITCH FOR HIRAM BROWN - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - That Hiram Brown he come to school and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - brung in seven ticks; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He picked them off his father’s sheep—jes’ like - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his dratted tricks! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - One day that critter put a toad right in our - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - teacher’s chair, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She squatted down—and then got up! And - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - warn’t she mad for fair? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He brung in crawly bugs and things, a mouse - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - and onct a rat, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ then he sort o’ wound things up with - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - suthin’ wusser’n that. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The teacher cotched him that time, though, and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - my! she combed him down - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ I was sent to cut the switch that walloped - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Hiram Brown. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Them ticks was in a pill-box doctor left when - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Bill was sick, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ they was measly lookin’ things;—say, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - j’ever see a tick? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - While we was readin’ testermunt Hi stirred - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’em with a pin, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —We all was wond’rin’ what he’d got, for he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - was on the grin. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then when the teacher turned her back, Hi - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - made for Ozy Blair - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ turned the whole blamed seven ticks right - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - loose in Ozy’s hair. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then Ozy had a spasm fit like what he’s sub- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - jick to; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He squalled and clawed and bumped around till - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he was black an’ blue. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ teacher took her fine-toothed comb an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - raked an’ scraped his head, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —It come nigh bustin’ up the school that way - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that he raised Ned! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The teacher made us all set up as stiff and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - straight as sticks, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ then says she, all raspy-like, “Who was it - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - brung them ticks?” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We couldn’t help it—swow to man!—We - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - looked at Hiram Brown - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ Hi he set there redd’nin’ up and sort o’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lookin’ down. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ teacher sniffed an’ then she scowled an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - giv’ her sleeves a twitch, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ turned to me an’ then says she, “Ike, go - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - an’ cut a switch.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas dretful nice outdoors that day—it set a - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - feller wishin’ - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That he could cut an’ run from school an’ put - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - his time in fishin’. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Twas one them soft’nin’ sort of days an’ while - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I was a-pickin’ - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - A switch, it come acrost me what a shame to git - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - a lickin’ - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - On such a mighty pleasant day. So I shinned - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - up a tree - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ cut a slimpsy popple switch that wouldn’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hurt a flea. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then I went in—there teacher was, a-waitin’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - by the door, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The scholars set as still as death an’ Bill stood - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - in the floor. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But how they snickered when they see that - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - dinky little switch, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —The teacher broke it up on me an’ giv’ my - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ear a twitch, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Says she, “You try that on agin, you’ll - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - git it - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - worse, you clown! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Now go, an’ see’f you know enough to cut - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - that switch for Brown.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Seems’s if it warn’t so nice outdoors. It kind - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - o’ stirred my mad - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To divvy up that way with Hi—’Cause ’twasn’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - me ’twas bad! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Says I, “By jing, I’ll even up.” I took my - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - biggest blade - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ cut a switch that, honest true, it almost - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - made me ’fraid. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I didn’t trim it very dus’—by snummy, I felt - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wicked, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I left the knobs all stickin’ out—an’ some of ’em - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - was pick-ed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I passed ’er in. The teacher she ker-wished it - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - through the air, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ Hi he shivered; ’twas enough to fairly - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - curl his hair. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She fixed her hairpins so’s her pug it couldn’t - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tumble down, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ then says she, like bitin’ nails, “Take off - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - your coat, Hi Brown.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Then Hiram Brown he got right down an’ - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - begged an’ teased an’ prayed, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - She hit him once—an easy clip—an’ then he - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - fairly brayed. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He acted out in master style;—why, sence he’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - come of age - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - He’s makin’ money like all sin, play-actin’ on - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the stage. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Our teacher was an easy mark—the tender - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hearted kind— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When Hiram got to takin on she went and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - changed her mind. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Says she, “You’ve been a naughty boy but if - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - you now repent - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ll spare the rod but punish you in this way.” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Jee, she went - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ sent that Hi acrost the room to sit with - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Helen Dean, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The girl I liked the best in school; an’ Hi was - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - jest serene! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That warn’t the wust, for after school he licked - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - me like the deuce - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Because I left them knobs all on. Oh, thun- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - der, what’s the use - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of tryin’ to be good, sometimes? I know it’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - wicked talk - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To intimate that vice may ride when virtue has - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to walk; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To hint that folks of honest ways but moderate - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - in wits - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - May have their noses rubbed in dirt by rascal - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hypocrites, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But truly, friends, it does appear that only mar- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tyrs’ crowns - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Are passed to worth down here on earth;—the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - rest to Hiram Browns. - </p> - <p> - <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0078" id="link2H_4_0078"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - THE JUMPER - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Ba gor! J jomp an’ jomp all tam’ - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Bot jos’ can’t halp dat—dere she am! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Cos’ w’en som’ fellaire he say “Boo!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Morgee! I jomp an’ holler, too. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Long tam’,’way back ma broder, Joe, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Hav’ gon’roun’ house, an’ off she go. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Go bang, r-rat clos’ op side ma ear; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Sence w’en I ac’ dis way—dat queer! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I tak’ med’ceen—don’t geet som’ cure. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Gass I got jomp-ops now for sure. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ mos’ all tam’ som’ son er gon - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - T’ink mak’ me jomp—wal, dat ban fon. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I’ll tal yo’ wan t’ing dat ban true— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Las’ spreeng dey beeld dat r-ra’ltrack t’rough - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - R-rat pas’ ma house, an’ w’at yo’ s’pose? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Dem ra’ltrack fellaires, wal, he goes - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Sot pos’ for whees-el side ma door, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ den—wal, p’rap I didn’t swore! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Wan tra’n com’ pas’ long jos’ ’bout noon, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ go “whoot-toot!” Wal, bamby, soon, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Wa’n’t no whol’ deeshes ’round—for why? - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Cos’, sacre, I jomp op sky-high - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ keeck dat table’roun’ dat plac’ - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ lat som’ howl com’ off ma face. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Dat vife he skeer mos’ near on death, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ all dem shildreen hoi’ deir breath - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For saw deir fadder ac’ lak’ dat - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ geeve dose dinnaire wan beeg slat. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ wan tra’n she go pas’ on night, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Long ’bout de tarn’ I sle’p mos’ tight. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ w’en she whees-el, “Whoot-too-too!” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I jomp lak’ wil’ cat, I tal you. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I heet ma vife gre’t beeg hard slams - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ black her eye mos’ seexteen tarn’s. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Till las’ she go off sle’p down stair, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —She say I worse as greezly bear, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Bot w’at yo’ t’ink? I swore dis true, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I nevaire know w’at t’ing I do. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Wal, w’en t’ings geet bos’ op dat way, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I ban saw ra’ltrack boss wan day. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I tal heem ’bout I poun’ ma vife, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —Can’t halp dat t’ing for save ma life— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ he—he blor-rt, lak’ wan gre’t caff, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - An’ lean way back an’ laff an’ laff. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I don’t saw nottin’s dere for fon - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - ’Bout havin’ dat ol’ ra’ltrack ron - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Op pas’ ma house an’ hav’ dem car - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Male’ me bos’ op ma home, ba gar! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - I tol’ heem dat bam-by dat soun’ - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ban mak’ me keeck dat whol’ house down. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “I’ll tal yo’ w’at,” say he bam-by, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —He wap’ hees eye off lak’ he cry— - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “I’ll tol’ yo’ w’at dees ro’d weell do: - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We’ll send op our construckshong crew, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We’ll beeld, to show dat we hain’t mean, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Wan good, beeg cage an’ pot yo’ een.” - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Ba gar! Dat all I geet off heem! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —I weesh dey not fin’ out dat steam! - </p> - <p> - <br /> <br /><br /> - </p> - <hr /> - <p> - <a name="link2H_4_0079" id="link2H_4_0079"> </a> - </p> - <div style="height: 4em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - <h2> - ISHMAEL’S BREED - </h2> - <p class="indent15"> - Horde of the Great Unwashed! Hobo and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - moucher and bum, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Vag and yag and grafter and tramp, we care- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - lessly go and come. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of the morrow we take no heed, no care infests - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the day, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Plenty of gump and a train to jump—a grip on - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the rods and away! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To the grab for the gear of greed we give no - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - thought or care, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We own with you the arch of blue—our share - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - of God’s good air; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —A coin to clear the law, a section of rubber - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - hose - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To soften the chafe of the truss and rod—our - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - portion of cast-off clothes; - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And ours the world—the world! a heritage - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - won by right, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —By tacit deed to the nomad breed with the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - taint of the Ishmaelite. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Some from the wastes of the sage-brush, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - some from the orange land, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Some from “God’s own country,” dusty and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - tattered and tanned. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Wherefore? ’Tis idle to tell you—you’d - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - never understand. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Hither and fro, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We come—we go, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Old Father Ishmael’s band. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Yags-will sometimes walk, a tramp will hit the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - grit, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - But a hobo never will count the ties so long as - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he keeps his wit. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There’s the truss of the Wagner freight, the - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - rods and the jolting truck, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You can grab and swing at the yard-line post - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - if you’ve muscle enough and pluck. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - There’s the perch of the pilot, too, where you’re - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - target for lumps of coal, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - For a shack or a fireman never thinks we’ve - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - either nerves or soul. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - If you’ve taken the full degrees and have cov- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ered the “Honey Route,” - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Have fired a rock at the “Fox Train crew,” and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - knocked a Doughface out, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - You are man for the king-pin act! Here’s hop- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ing you have success - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - When you risk your neck on the smoke-swept - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - “deck” of the Limited Express. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Some from the slopes of the Rockies, some - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - from the Ogden route, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Where the meek old Mormon matrons hand - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the milk and honey out, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - —West and south and northward—and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - t’other way about, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - On tank and wall, - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - You’ll find the scrawl - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Of the tramp’s monarka-scout. - </p> - <p> - <br /> - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Taint of the nomad’s blood! God, if we could - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - but burst - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - From the thrall of vags and drop our rags and - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - cleave to the best—not worst! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Each day on a town’s main-drag, as we’re - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - flaggin’ some house for prog, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The smile of a child or a maiden’s face will give - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - our hearts a jog. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And I—yes, even I, have flicked at a sudden tear - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - And have turned my back on Smoky Jack lest - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - he see the thing and jeer. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Spur of the nomad’s taint! Back to the ring- - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - ing rails - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - That coaxingly curve to the far unknown! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Confusion to courts and jails! - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - The “goat” is coughing the grade; grab for - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the rods, there, Jack, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Look out for your grip, for a bit of a slip will - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - toss you to grease the track. - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Bound for the Greasers’ sage-brush, under - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - the roaring train, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Decking the fast expresses from Texas north - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - to Maine, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Grimy and tattered and blinded, Ishmael’s - </p> - <p class="indent20"> - blood our bane, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - We ride—we ride, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - To hope denied, - </p> - <p class="indent15"> - Cursed with the curse of Cain. - </p> - <div style="height: 6em;"> - <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> - </div> - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Pine Tree Ballads, by Holman F. 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