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+This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements,
+metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be
+in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES.
+
+Procedures for determining public domain status are described in
+the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org.
+
+No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in
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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #55015 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/55015)
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-The Project Gutenberg EBook of Stephen H. Branch's Alligator Vol. 1 no.
-23, September 25, 1858, by Stephen H. Branch
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most
-other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of
-the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have
-to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook.
-
-Title: Stephen H. Branch's Alligator Vol. 1 no. 23, September 25, 1858
-
-Author: Stephen H. Branch
-
-Release Date: June 30, 2017 [EBook #55015]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: UTF-8
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BRANCH'S ALLIGATOR, SEPT 25, 1858 ***
-
-
-
-
-Produced by The Online Distributed Proofreading Team at
-http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images
-generously made available by The Internet Archive)
-
-
-
-
-
-
- Transcriber Notes
-
- Obvious printer errors, typos and missing punctuation fixed.
- Misspellings in the pupil’s speech in the Stephen and his Adult Pupil
- story have been retained, as have archaic spellings and inconsistent
- hyphenation.
- The table of contents has been created and added by the transcriber.
- A description of an illustration with no caption has been added.
- Italics are represented by underscores surrounding the _italic text_.
- Small capitals have been converted to ALL CAPS.
-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
- Early Boyhood and its Merry 1
- Pastimes.
-
- The Alligator Lives for Another 2
- Week.
-
- Stephen and his Adult Pupil. 3
-
- Stephen H. Branch, in his Cell at 3
- Blackwell’s Island—A Mournful
- Scene.
-
- Advertisements 4
-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
-
-
-[Illustration: STEPHEN H. BRANCH’S ALLIGATOR.]
-
- ----------------------------------------------------------------
-
- Volume I.—No. 23. SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 1858. Price 2 Cents.
-
-
-
-
- Early Boyhood and its Merry Pastimes.
-
-
-I remember the woman’s school at four years old, and the merited
-chastisement of the school marm; my desperate descent on the sugar bowl;
-the military company of which I was commander; my annual cries in the
-trundle bed at 12 o’clock and one second, A. M.: “I wish you merry
-Christmas, Ma,—I wish you happy New Year, Pa,—now gim me cent;” with my
-father’s: “Go to sleep, you young rascal, or I’ll come and spank you;”
-the two cents I always got on the 4th of July, if I had been a good boy,
-and the solitary penny if I hadn’t; the death of my mother of twins; the
-copious tears of my father and Aunt Lucy; my grief at her sudden demise;
-the country boarding school, and the blast of lightning that felled me
-to the earth, while whittling on the summer green; my eyes soon open on
-the glories of the lurid universe, and I scamper into the pretty
-cottage, and bound into the arms of my aunt, who nearly smothers me with
-affectionate embraces; the storm passes; a bow appears, with crimson
-arrows, and lingers on the concave’s rosy verge, till Venus gleams
-through the twilight leaves, when its gorgeous hues are vailed by the
-revolving spheres, and it descends the dazzling west.
-
- Whose Archer follows the resplendent sun,
- Before whose darts the stormy Furies run;
-
-the moon ascends the east in matchless splendor, and roams in tranquil
-beauty through infinitude, spreading its snowy light on vale and mead,
-that vie with lakes of liquid silver; my aunt lingers at my bed, while I
-say my evening prayer, and invests my heart with sacred feelings; myself
-and brother William, on our way to school, through a dreary wood, espy a
-boy in a wagon, when I exclaim: “Why, Bill, there’s our brother Albert;”
-Bill stares and says: “Steve, your perceptions are very foggy, and I
-begin to think you aint got good sense;” I closely scan the boy, and
-smile, but elicit no response, the little rogue riveting his bright blue
-eyes on the vacant air; Bill passes on to school, with: “Steve, you are
-raving mad, and I’m going to tell Aunt Freeman so;” when I address the
-stranger thus: “Little boy, you look like my brother Albert, and this
-horse and wagon resemble ours, and won’t you please to tell me if you
-aint my brother Al, who lives far away from here, in a place called
-Providence? I always dearly loved him, and I havn’t seen him for a long
-time now, and I would like to see him very much; come, now, little boy,
-aint you Ally Branch, and if you are, won’t you please to tell me so?”
-Tears roll down his pale cheeks, followed by the sweetest smiles, (like
-simultaneous rain and sunshine,) extending his arms, with: “How do you
-do, dear brother Stevy;” I scream; dart into the wagon, and, placing my
-arms around his neck, fondly kiss him. And then I made the woods ring
-with my cries for Bill to return, and behold our dear brother, found so
-mysteriously alone in the forest wild. Bill slowly returns; and I hear
-the echo of a laugh, and see a man emerge from the monarch oaks, whom I
-discern as father, whose playful stratagem blares brightly before my
-enraptured vision. And with the velocity of light, I spring from the
-wagon, and at a bound, am in the embraces of my adored father. The vail
-slowly passes from the eyes of Bill, who stands like a statue in the dim
-perspective, crying lustily over my triumphant conquest. We all shout
-and wave our hands, and Willie bounds into Albert’s and father’s arms,
-whose fervent kisses soon dispel his tears; when his crescent and
-revolving eyes gently threaten to eclipse the sun and moon with
-hilarious splendor; three happy brothers then rock the forest solitude
-with merry vociferations, and run like deer, and sing like infant
-Jubals, with sweet responses from congenial birds, prancing on the oaks’
-majestic branches. And with hearts of gladness, we spring like hounds
-into the wagon, and return to Aunt Freeman’s, and that I regard as one
-of the happiest days of my early boyhood. On the following morn, we
-leave for Providence, which I scarcely reach, ere our yard is a camp of
-boys, eager to embrace their favorite commander, after his long
-captivity in the desert wilds of Woodstock; myself and Albert soon go to
-another country school; we board with a minister who has a large family,
-and a small salary, which was tardily and scantily paid with very poor
-provisions; myself and Al don’t like the fare; has fried pork too often
-for breakfast, and pork and beans for dinner, with a cold cut of pork
-and beans at nightfall; and we enter our solemn protest against so much
-fried hog, and so many baked beans; we protest, too, against his not
-fastening the doors and windows nights, as father does at home; we hear
-strange noises nights, while abed; and respectfully implore him to put
-locks on the doors, and nails in the windows, who refuses, and says,
-that good boys are never afraid of robbers or assassins; we still hear
-dreadful sounds at midnight; and bury ourselves, head and all, in the
-bed clothes; sweat terribly, and nearly smother; grow pale; lose flesh;
-get very weak; have cold night sweats; finally despair, and threaten to
-leave for home; write long letters to father, full of bad writing and
-spelling, who doesn’t answer them, because he can’t read them; we start
-for Providence; our sacred host pursues us on a cadaverous horse, whose
-ribs rattle, and captures us in the haunted woods, where, in old times,
-a man was murdered, and two lovers hung themselves, because their
-parents wouldn’t let them marry; I and Al were hurrying through this
-dreadful wood, when old cadaverous and the parson pounce upon us, who
-threatens to whip us if we don’t return, and cuts a switch for the
-purpose; his eyes roll terribly, and, as I once heard he was slightly
-insane at times, and, fearing he might murder me, I gave the wink to Al,
-and we concluded to return, very gently shaking our heads and fists,
-with threats of telling our father all about it some day, who was a
-Justice of the Peace, and could lock up any body, and have them hung
-beside; to silence our unceasing clamors, the parson gets some cheap
-second-hand locks, and rusty nails, fastens the doors and windows
-nights, and gives us fried liver twice a week for breakfast, and lets
-pork and beans slide awhile, with very tender veal instead; don’t hear
-strange sounds at night any more; sleep very soundly; don’t hear the
-cheerless midnight winds as of yore; get fat as butter; are very
-contented; Fourth of July close at hand; father comes after us; shed
-tears of joy, and run and jump like wild cats, and get home alive once
-more from a country boarding school; go to a party on the night of our
-arrival; Oscar Rivulet and Clara Violet are there; at the party’s close,
-I can’t find my hat, and while in its vigorous pursuit, Oscar takes the
-arm of Clara, when I step up and whisper in his ear, that I will
-chastise him the very next day for cutting me out; Oscar and Clara
-depart; I find my hat in the oven, where Oscar doubtless put it, and
-begin to cry with rage; to console me, my aunt places the arm of Flora
-Rosebud in mine, who was a dashing little belle, with whom I slowly
-ramble towards her home beneath a brilliant sky; soon after I bid Flora
-good night, at her father’s door, a dark cloud rapidly arose and
-obscured the moon, and I became afraid, and ran fleetly home, expecting
-to meet an assassin at every corner’s turn, but when I heard the
-cheerful watchman’s cry of “half-past eight o’clock, and all’s well,”
-and beheld his noble form in the distance, my fears are tranquilized,
-and I walk as erect and firm as the hero of many battles, and loudly
-boast of my courage, after I get snugly in the trundle bed with Albert,
-the shield of my father’s voice above me, to fortify my pretended valor.
-On the following day, my step-mother struck me on the head with a jacket
-with brass buttons, for my impudence at dinner in my father’s absence,
-because she wouldn’t give me more boiled onions, of which I was very
-fond; the blood flowed freely, and she was terrified lest I would bleed
-to death, and she be hung; she dressed the wounds most tenderly, and
-gave me plenty of onions and sugar, and warmly coaxed me not to tell
-father when he came to tea, lest he would gently chide her for her
-laceration of the skull of the prolific brain of the darling son who
-bore his own father’s promising name of Stephen; and for many days she
-gave me candy and peanuts, and gave me so many onions that I have
-loathed them since; she even poulticed my lacerated head with boiled
-onions, which I smell to this day; I had the ear-ache, and she even put
-a small roast onion in my ear to check the pain; I once passed through
-Weathersfield, (where onions are as thick as leaves in the Vale of
-Vallambrosa,) whose atmosphere caused me to fertilize its streets with
-bile; my step-mother finally stops my supplies of sweetmeats, and I
-threaten to tell my father of her violent blow, and show him my scars,
-when she surrendered, and gave me sweet things for a long period; and
-she saved me many a whipping from my father, when I was mischievous,
-lest I would tell and show the relics of her trouncing, which gave me a
-boundless latitude for pranks until the scars all passed away; at this
-time, my dog Watch was drowned, but he rose the ninth day, and I buried
-him at the foot of my father’s garden, with funeral honors, a
-neighboring dog, in traces, bearing his precious body to the grave, over
-which I placed turf and stones in memory of a dog I dearly loved; after
-the funeral, Cornelius Snow, nicknamed Flop, called me names, and I told
-my father that “Flop Snow had called me names, and I meant to lick him
-for it,” when my father effected a reconciliation, by allowing Cornelius
-to call me Steve as long as I called him Flop. He had long been at the
-head of my class, at school, and I had never been at the head, which
-mortified my father, who told me if I would get above Flop through good
-spelling, he would give me a sixpence; I tried long and hard, but I
-couldn’t do it; so, on a very stormy day, while myself and Flop were the
-only boys of our spelling class at school, I told him that if he would
-make a mistake in spelling, and let me keep at the head until school was
-over, I would give him three cents; Flop consented, and broke down on
-beef, which he spelled _b-e-a-p-h-f-e_, for which the teacher boxed his
-ears, and made him see ten thousand sparkling stars; I got sixpence from
-my father, and gave Flop half of it; there was a full class the next
-day, and down I went to the foot, my usual place; my father learned of
-my collusion with Flop, and gave me a tremendous whipping; the next day
-I went several miles down Providence river, in a canoe with Elias Smith
-and Joseph Fuller, and was gone four days, and all the town was terribly
-excited lest we were lost; but Mr. Proud, a neighbor, of whose peaches
-and melons I was very fond, stuck to it like beeswax, that I would never
-be drowned, while hemp grew in Kentucky; the day after my return, my
-step-mother whips Albert for stealing a small lump of sugar, at about
-11, A. M.; father usually came to dinner at 12, M.; Ally cried for a
-long time; but he began to lull, and I was afraid he wouldn’t hold out
-until father got home; so, I got Ally down cellar, and pinched him, and
-pulled his hair, to make him keep it up, until father got home; it being
-near twelve o’clock, and my step-mother knowing my influence over Ally,
-told me if I would pacify him before father came to dinner, she would
-give me as much sugar as I wanted for a whole week; I accepted the
-bribe,—but Al overheard us, and declared that he would cry like thunder,
-until father came, if I didn’t give him half the sugar; we finally
-compromised, by allowing Ally a quarter of all the lumps I got; a few
-days after, while returning from a Saturday excursion down the river, my
-brother Bill cut up so, that the boat capsized, in very deep water, a
-short distance from the shore; Jim Baker and myself got on the bottom of
-the boat, while Bill’s feet and head were entangled in the ropes and
-sail; Sam Thurber and others swam to the shore; Jim Baker and myself
-couldn’t swim, and we expected to be lost; and we bellowed murder like
-fury; amid this awful scene, the owner of the boat came down the shore,
-and cried: “Pay for that boat, you rascals, pay for that boat;” he had
-scarcely breathed these brutal words, when down went Jim Baker and
-myself to the river’s bed; I rose to the surface first, and went down
-again, when Jim grabbed my leg, and we came up together, and a noble
-sailor seized and bore us to the shore, where we were put in barrels,
-and pints of water squeezed out of us; Jim and myself open our dewy
-eyes, shake hands, and walk home arm in arm, with the sailor behind,
-thrashing the boat proprietor for demanding pay, instead of coming to
-our rescue, whose unparalleled inhumanity the gallant tar couldn’t
-tolerate. I went to bed, and had a horrid night-mare, and dreamed of
-sharks and whales. On the day after the boat calamity of Jim Baker and
-myself on Providence river, I arose with the glorious sun, ate a spare
-repast, and went to school. My stomach yet complained of salt water, and
-my head and books were at rapiers’ points. The teacher, SHAW, vainly
-chides me for my indolence, and summons me before him, and demands my
-spelling-book, and gives me _genuine_, which I spell “_gen-ner-wine_.”
-The school is convulsed in the wildest screams. Shaw seizes his
-lignumvitae ruler, darts through the aisles, rolls his big gray eyes,
-and bangs the desks until the dust rises into clouds, when the mirthful
-tumult is hushed into the silence of a tomb, and he bids me take my
-seat, with furious cuffs of both ears. My brother Bill had been
-snickering in his hat, and sleeve, and handkerchief, until he had
-saturated them all with his hilarious tears, and, as I passed him on my
-way to my seat, he burst into a _genuine_ Branch laugh, and all again
-was chaos. The scholars were more uproarious than before, and Shaw rages
-furiously, and calls up Bill, when all is silent terror, and every eye
-is riveted on its book. Shaw demands Bill to extend his right hand,
-which he declines to do, because he has a felon, and tender warts all
-over his knuckles. Shaw then commands him to hold up his left hand, and
-Bill obeys, when Shaw’s eyes flash sparks of fire, his cheeks are
-deathly pale, and his ferule descends with tremendous violence
-
- On the vacant air,
- As Bill’s hand wan’t there!
-
-The scholars roar again, and clap their little hands, and stamp their
-feet in the wildest ecstacy, when Shaw bellows like a rabid bull, and
-gesticulates fatality to the rebellious scholars, whose eyes fall
-quickly on their books, and all violently move their pallid lips, with
-pretense of study, while a terrible revenge rankles in their hearts, for
-Shaw’s cruel treatment of Bill, who has so many warts and a felon, with
-salt water still gurgling in his ocean belly. At Shaw’s wrathful behest,
-Bill again raises his trembling hand, and keeps his eye fastened on
-Shaw’s; and as the ruler nears his palm, he dodges, when Shaw flies to
-his scholastic throne for his cow-skin, and descends his ramparts with
-the pomposity of a king, calmly surveying his juvenile and affrighted
-subjects, and directs Bill to remove his jacket, who firmly declines.
-Shaw seizes him, and Bill cries murder; the girls weep and faint, and
-water is sprinkled on their cheeks and foreheads; the boys shake their
-fists, and dare each other to rush to Bill’s rescue, but Shaw threatens
-them with utter annihilation if they interfere, and the belligerent and
-affrighted boys leave poor Bill to his unhappy fate.—Fortunately for
-Bill, Shaw is short, and of very slender mould. Bill is stout, knows
-well the physical weakness of his adversary, and proves himself fully
-equal to the awful crisis before him. For, while Shaw strives to get
-Bill across his knees to switch and spank him, Bill, by a sudden and
-very elastic movement, gets between, and coils himself, like a snake,
-around Shaw’s legs, and pinches, and bites, and tears his pants, and
-finally trips him, and down they go, with Bill on Shaw, and with both
-hands so firmly and desperately clenched in Shaw’s white cravat, as to
-make his tongue protrude. The girls faintly titter, while the stoutest
-and bravest boys bang their desks, and wildly shout with joy. The
-panting combatants spring to the floor, and, like two roosters, have a
-moment’s respite; Shaw is pale, and trembles with shame, and relents,
-and in feeble and broken accents, directs Bill to take his seat; the
-silence of a Capulet pervades the school, when my tremendous horse laugh
-breaks the calm; the scholars scream again with frantic contortions;
-Shaw’s eyes roll like a demon’s, and his voice rises high above the
-universal clamor, which slowly subsides, and all is still again; Shaw
-then comes on tiptoe to my desk, and grabs and drags me to the aisle,
-with one hand clutched in my throat, and the other in my long hair, when
-I grab him in a tender spot, and make him squeal; and so severe and
-unrelenting is my grasp, that he gladly gives freedom to my throat and
-hair, and implores, in tones of excruciating agony, to release my hands.
-I slowly do so, when he re-seizes me, and, dragging me several feet by
-my hair, kicks away the scuttle, and casts me headlong beneath the
-schoolhouse, closing the scuttle over me; I can hardly sit upright in my
-new abode; all is darkness; I smell the awful perfume of a dead skunk;
-little mice squeal, and run over me, and nibble at my mouth and nose,
-and big and hungry rats approach, and violently attack me, which I keep
-at bay with my feet and hands, and hideous yells, and they finally
-scamper to their holes, while a myriad of mice remain to torment me; I
-chew tobacco, to drown my abject sorrow; it is the first cud that ever
-graced my mouth; I cover it with the fragment of a newspaper, to prevent
-my giddy exhiliration through a too strong taste of tobacco; I soon got
-deathly sick, and thump and scream for Shaw to let me out, who heeds not
-my piteous cries; I am desperate, and resting my hands and feet on the
-ground, I get an irresistible purchase, and with a mighty movement of my
-back, I burst the scuttle with a tremendous crash, and dart from my
-narrow and dreary cavern into the schoolroom, and run down the aisle,
-vomiting at every step; the scholars are nearly gone; as I approach the
-door, Shaw grabs me, when I belch the purest bile plump in his face,
-which, of course, was purely accidental; Shaw is blinded with tobacco
-bile, and wipes his cheeks, and nose, and mouth, and eyes, and commands
-me to go to his desk; I refuse; he then expostulates, and breathes kind
-words, which allay my anger, and check the flow of tobacco and salt
-water bile; I go to his desk; he dismisses the few scholars that remain,
-save my weeping brother Bill, curled in the corner; Shaw laments the sad
-occurrence; hopes we will be better boys, and permits us to go home; on
-our arrival, father is at tea, listening to brother Albert’s version of
-the story; Bill and myself seat ourselves at table, when father directs
-each to give his melancholy narrative; Bill is hungry, and slowly
-begins, and lacks vivacity, and the impatient father turns to me for the
-rapid and vivid analysis of the horrid scholastic anarchy and rencontre
-then flying on exaggeration’s wide-spread wings, and distracting the
-peaceful firesides of Providence; I swallow the delicious food already
-in my mouth; cleanse my throat with a prolonged swallow of commingled
-tea and sugar, and tell my story in a nervous strain; my father’s eyes
-are large, and fixed on mine, throughout my exciting narrative, at whose
-close, he gets his hat and cane and autumnal mantle, and bids myself and
-Bill to follow him; we penetrate the pitchy darkness, and after varied
-street meanderings in the turbulent and piercing evening winds, we
-ascend the steps, and tap at the door of Shaw; we enter his pale
-presence, who is extremely courteous to father, who is a member of the
-Visiting School Committee, and invested with power of a teacher’s
-dismissal, which Shaw now fears; father opens his deadly batteries, and
-Shaw, perceiving no possible escape, pleads extenuation for the violent
-temper that nature gave him; spoke of William as a very good and
-studious boy, (a truth,) and of Stephen as a meritorious and
-enthusiastic youth, who dearly loved his books, (a lie,) and deeply
-regretted that his heated passion led him to the chastisement of
-William, and the incarceration of Stephen; and declared in tones of warm
-sincerity, that if father would forgive him, he would never whip nor
-imprison us again, but lead us up the hill of science through gentle and
-persuasive means; father pities and admires his humility, and, rising to
-depart, directs Shaw to inform him every Friday by letter, how many days
-William and Stephen have played the truant during the week, and with
-what facility we recite our lessons, and what our general conduct is;
-Shaw’s eyes flash joy at these delightful and magnanimous behests, while
-the eyes of Bill and myself flash guilt and fury at Shaw’s apparent
-conquest, because all our future sport is spoiled, and mine, especially,
-as I played truant about twice a week, and Bill once a month; and
-because I seldom got my lessons well; Shaw and father extend their
-hands, and shake a warm good night: and while they linger at the outer
-door in friendly conversation, I slyly crawl through father’s legs, to
-get into the street as soon as possible, and away from Shaw’s victorious
-presence; the last shake of hands transpire between father and Shaw, who
-slowly closes the door with a beatific smile; father, myself, and Bill
-muffle ourselves in our fervent garments; it snows and blows very hard;
-and, as we walk slowly homeward against the snow and wind, father
-delivers an affectionate and mournful lecture, gently chiding us for the
-trouble we had caused him, and the rapid increase of his snowy locks;
-kindly warning us that we were constantly exposed to the sad fate of
-orphans, our tender mother being already gone forever; and with a
-trembling voice implored us to be good boys, to study hard, to be kind
-and obedient to Mr. Shaw, to cultivate manly virtues, and strive to
-become intellectual giants, and the pillars of our country, in peace or
-war, after the fathers of his generation had passed from the field of
-action. We both wept bitterly, and besought our dear and indulgent
-father to forgive the past, with assurances of our efforts to please him
-and our teacher in the future. We reach home, and father kindles a
-crackling, hickory fire, and gives us cider and walnuts, and tells us
-pretty stories, and puts on extra bed clothes, because the night is so
-piercing cold, and tucks our bed at the sides, to keep out the biting
-air, and then directs us to clasp and raise our little hands to God, and
-say after him our evening prayer of
-
- “Now I lay me down to sleep,
- I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
- If I should die before I wake,
- I pray the Lord my soul to take;”
-
-and then gives us a parting kiss, and pats our little foreheads, and
-breathes sweet tones of affection until he passes from our view. Bill
-and myself make good resolves for the future, and breathe a fond “good
-night!” and then embrace the tranquil slumber and innocent dreams of
-early boyhood.
-
-
- ----------------------------------------------------------------
-
- Office—114 Nassau Street
-
- ------------------------------------------------------
-
- THE ALLIGATOR.
-
- ------------------------------------------------------
-
- New York, Saturday, September 25, 1858.
-
- ----------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
-
-
- The Alligator Lives for Another Week.
-
-
-The Ladies have saved the ALLIGATOR for six days more, in which God made
-the gorgeous realms of infinitude! Last week, I proclaimed that unless
-advance subscribers or patriots came to the rescue of the wounded and
-bleeding ALLIGATOR, he must soon expire amid the tumultuous exultations
-of his proscriptive adversaries. The gentlemen responded in companies,
-but the ladies in battalions, and soothed and rescued the poor ALLIGATOR
-from the jaws of immediate death.[1] Without the sympathy of woman, man
-soon droops, and totters, and expires. Woman is the prolific source of
-all that glorifies the cottages, and mansions, and palaces of the globe.
-And her benevolence ameliorates the poor, and oppressed, and
-disconsolate in every region of the earth. From Eve to Mary, the mother
-of Washington, the history of woman is a brilliant constellation.
-Without the pure and patriotic Mary, there would have been no
-Washington,—and without Washington, the Americans would have had no
-country, and the oppressed of all lands no asylum of liberty and
-prosperity. In the sacred bosom of her family, woman is like the queen
-of night amid the pretty stars. In our infant years, she nourishes, and
-shields, and cheers us in our precarious journey to maturer years. She
-imparts the first kiss, and moulds the first prayer, and is prouder of
-her offspring than a queen of her throne. As the child buds, and blooms,
-and blossoms, and ascends the hill of moral and scholastic science, she
-watches every pace with breathless solicitude. And in penury or
-affluence, in bondage or freedom, in power or on the scaffold, she
-clings with intense affection to the adored objects of her creation.
-Every family is a dominion. The father is a king, and the mother a
-queen, and the children their subjects. The same laws govern a family as
-a kingdom. Judicious penalties follow disobedience, and a good mother
-imbues the heart and mind of her offspring with humanity and wisdom that
-govern the world. And over all presides a Being of beneficence and
-ubiquity, who wields the destinies of a Universe. Woman, under God, is
-the source of all that cheers and ennobles man in his weary pilgrimage
-from the cradle to the grave, and to her sympathies am I greatly
-indebted for my recent liberation from captivity and the partial
-resurrection of my declining fortunes. God bless her, then, and in my
-sacred orisons and soliloquies, on land or ocean, I will ever cherish
-her with those grateful emotions that I inherited from the genial heart
-of my departed mother.
-
-Footnote 1:
-
- If the ALLIGATOR dies, advance subscriptions will immediately be
- returned to my generous patrons, with my fervent wishes for their
- prosperity.
-
- ------------------------------------
-
-
-WILLIAM MACRAE is the only person authorised to collect subscriptions
-for the “_Alligator_.” And here is his likeness, that when he calls to
-solicit subscribers, all may know him by a comparison of this accurate
-engraving with his living face. My Office is at No. 114 Nassau street,
-second story, front room, where advance subscriptions will also be most
-gratefully received.
-
- STEPHEN H. BRANCH.
-
-[Illustration: William Macrae]
-
- ----------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
-The tomb of Franklin—if a palm flag-stone with the earth can be so
-called—is concealed from the public view by a venerable brick wall at
-the corner of Fifth and Mulberry streets, Philadelphia. The remains of
-the lightning philosopher are deposited there in the old burial ground
-belonging to Christ Church. An appropriate monument has been
-accidentally reared above them, in the shape of a telegraphic post, and
-the lightning is at constant play over, if not under the eye of the man
-who first chained it to the earth.
-
-
-
-
- Stephen and his Adult Pupil.
-
-
- THE FIRST LESSON.
-
-_Stephen._—What do you first wish to learn?
-
-_Pupil._—I desire first to review my figures.
-
-_S._—How far have you cyphered?
-
-_P._—I went through the book several times, when I was a boy.
-
-_S._—Whose Arithmetic did you study?
-
-_P._—Mr. Dollbay’s.
-
-_S._—Daboll’s, I suppose, you mean.
-
-_P._—Ah, yes, it was Daboll’s; and I remember him very well. He was a
-fine man, and understood figures very well.
-
-_S._—Then you went through his book several times?
-
-_P._—O yes, I can take my oath of that.
-
-_S._—How much is twice nothing?
-
-_P._—That is two, of course.
-
-_S._—How much is nothing times two?
-
-_P._—That is two.
-
-_S._—How much is one-half times one?
-
-_P._—One.
-
-_S._—How much is four and a-half times four and a-half?
-
-_P._ (scratching his head)—That must be about thirteen.
-
-_S._—How much is three-quarters times five-eights?
-
-_P._—I never saw that in Daboll, and to be candid, Mr. Branch, I have
-long been accustomed to rush of blood to the head, and I had a slight
-rush just now, and I guess I won’t go any farther in figures to-day; but
-I would like to renew my Grammar studies.
-
-_S._—Very well: whose Grammar did you study in boyhood?
-
-_P._—Mr. Murphy’s.
-
-_S._—I presume you mean Lindley Murray’s?
-
-_P._—Ah, yes, it was Murray’s, and he once dined at my father’s.
-
-_S._—As it is absolutely essential to understand spelling, before
-Grammar, I will first examine you in a few words, before we embark in
-Grammar. Can you spell well, sir?
-
-_P._—Yes; and I hope you don’t mean to insult me with such a question.
-
-_S._—Certainly not. Spell Grammar?
-
-_P._—Gramer.
-
-_S._—No.
-
-_P._—Gramar.
-
-_S._—No.
-
-_P._—How do yau spell it, then?
-
-_S._—Grammar.
-
-_P._—That’s the way I spelt it.
-
-_S._—No, sir.
-
-_P._—If I didd’t, I intended to.
-
-_S._—That may be. Spell sloop?
-
-_P._—Slupe.
-
-_S._—No.
-
-_P._—That’s the way old Captain Tallman spelt it, when I was a boy.
-
-_S._—It is spelt sloop in these days.
-
-_P._—Ah, yes, that’s correct, I remember.
-
-_S._—Spell dough?
-
-_P._—Doe.
-
-_S._—No.
-
-_P._—My grandmother used to spell it so.
-
-_S._—It is spelt dough.
-
-_S._—Spell God?
-
-_P._—Gorde.
-
-_S._—No.
-
-_P._ (is silent for some seconds, and grows pale, and sweats
-profusely)—Merciful Heaven! And do you say Gorde is incorrect?
-
-_S._—I do. It is spelt God.
-
-_P._—Ah, yes, I was mistaken. That’s the way I have always spelt it.
-
-_S._—Spell scholar?
-
-_P._—Skoller.
-
-_S._—No.
-
-_P._—Skollar.
-
-_S._—No.
-
-_P._—That’s the way I always spelt it, and I’ll bet a dollar that’s the
-way to spell it.
-
-_S._—That’s a bet.
-
-_P._—How shall we decide it?
-
-_S._—Have you got a dictionary?
-
-_P._—Yes. (Examines it.) Well, I declare, you have won the dollar. What
-a curious way to spell scholar, to put _ch_ for _k_. Mr. Branch: who
-invented language?
-
-_S._—The Egyptians.
-
-_P._—What old fools they must have been?
-
-_S._—Those Egyptians who discovered the alphabet, were the wisest
-linguists of the human race. And those Arabians who discovered the
-digits, were the profoundest mathematicians. And, as you can neither
-spell nor cypher well, I advise you to defer your arithmetic and grammar
-lessons until you learn orthography.
-
-_P._—I don’t know what you mean by linguist, nor by digits. And what on
-earth do you mean by orthography?
-
-_S._—Orthography means spelling.
-
-_P._—Ah, yes, I thought that was it. Now, Mr. Branch, I am in public
-life, as you know, and I am very anxious to make a good speech and write
-a good letter; and, in order to do that, I must understand Grammar. And
-I think I can spell well enough to study Grammar, Mr. Branch. You have
-only examined me in a few words, and because I slightly broke down on
-them, you must not suppose that I can’t spell well enough to study
-Grammar. Just try me in a few more words.
-
-_S._—Spell alderman?
-
-_P._—Oldermon.
-
-_S._—No.
-
-_P._—Olldermone.
-
-_S._—No.
-
-_P._—How, then?
-
-_S._—Alderman.
-
-_P._—Ah, yes. That’s the way I was just agoing to spell it.
-
-_S._—Spell Common Council?
-
-_P._—Komon Kounsil.
-
-_S._—No, sir. It is spelt Common Council.
-
-_P._—Is it possible?
-
-_S._—Yes. And now spell municipal?
-
-_P._—Dam if I don’t give that up; for, although I have been a member of
-the municiple government, I nover could spell that awful word without
-looking at the dictionary two or three times; and it always took me a
-mighty long time to find municiple, even in the dictionary. Now, do try
-me on some easier word than that,—won’t you, Mr. Branch?
-
-_S._—Spell Mayor?
-
-_P._—Mare.
-
-_S._—No.
-
-_P._—How, then?
-
-_S._—Mayor.
-
-_P._—Ah, yes,—I forgot. That’s it exactly.
-
-_S._—Spell contracts?
-
-_P._—I can spell that fast enough. Kontrax.
-
-_S._—No.
-
-_P._—Kontracks.
-
-_S._—No. It is spelt contracts.
-
-_P._—I begin to think my memory is getting bad, for I once could spell
-all these words. And I have had so many contracts from the Corporation,
-and have written that word so often, that I am sure I used to spell it
-correctly. Now give me one more easy word, and if I break down, dam if I
-don’t surrender.
-
-_S._—Spell Cable?
-
-_P._—I have got a few shares in that precious stock, and I’ll bet $5 I
-can spell it correctly.
-
-_S._—Done.
-
-_P._—Kabell.
-
-_S._—No. It is spelt cable.
-
-_P._—There’s a V. And now, although I have spelt several words
-incorrectly, yet, as I am growing old, I desire to learn as fast as
-possible; and I want you to give me grammar lessons and teach me
-spelling at the same time. And if you will learn me very fast, I will
-let you have one share in the Atlantic Cable, for your instructions.
-
-_S._—I would rather have the cash, as I cannot believe that a cord about
-the circumference of my thumb can permanently connect the hemispheres.
-
-_P._—Very well, sir. I have perfect confidence in the Cable enterprise,
-and I don’t care about parting with my stock. So I will pay you in cash
-for your tuition. Now please give me a lesson in grammar.
-
-_S._—Well, I will strive to gratify you,—although I again assure you,
-that orthography is the basis of grammar, and we shall encounter ruinous
-obstacles in the construction of the grammatical pyramid, in the absence
-of orthography and orthœpy.
-
-_P._—For the land’s sake, what is the meaning of the last word?
-
-_S._—Orthœpy means pronunciation.
-
-_P._—How queer your jaw opens and closes, when you pronounce that
-strange word.
-
-_S._—I suppose so. I will now give you the first lesson in grammar.
-
-_P._—Let me first take a good stiff horn of brandy to brace my nerves.
-(Drinks.) Now, sir, I am ready for Grammar, which, I repeat, I studied
-when a boy; and I only desire to review what I know already.
-
-_S._—How many parts of speech are there?
-
-_P._—What do you mean by that?
-
-_S._—I mean, into how many parts of speech is language divided?
-
-_P._—Well, by golly, I don’t know exactly,—but, from the immense number
-of words in the Bible, and in all the books at the Harpers, and in the
-Historical Society, and in all the newspapers, I should think there must
-be, at the lowest calculation, about five hundred million parts of
-speech.
-
-_S._—There are only nine parts of speech.
-
-_P._—I begin to think you are crazy; for, do you think you can humbug me
-by saying that there are only nine different words, or parts of speech,
-in the English language? I shall consider it to be my duty to have you
-put in the Lunatic Asylum, if you talk in that way.
-
-_S._—I still assert that there are only nine parts of speech, which are:
-a noun, article, adjective, pronoun, verb, adverb, preposition,
-conjunction, and interjection.
-
-_P._—Ah, yes, I recollect.
-
-_S._—Well, what part of speech is iron?
-
-_P._—As near as I can recollect, iron is the seventh, and it may
-possibly be the ninth part of speech.
-
-_S._—No, sir,—it is one of the nine parts of speech I just mentioned.
-
-_P._—Ah, yes, excuse me,—I understand. Well, iron must be a conjunction,
-because it can be heated and spliced.
-
-_S._—Iron is a noun.
-
-_P._—Ah, yes, I recollect perfectly well that iron is a noun, and I am
-surprised that I did not remember it, as I have long dealt in fron, and
-know all about it.
-
-_S._—That will do for to-day, and I will resume your grammar lessons
-to-morrow. Good day, sir.
-
-_P._—Good day. I am much pleased wite my progress in grammar, and I will
-see you again to-morrow with much pleasure. Good day, sir.
-
- [_Exeunt_,
-
-
-
-
- Stephen H. Branch, in his Cell at Blackwell’s Island—A Mournful Scene.
-
-
- _A lovely Family, at the iron door, peeping through its small
- perforations._
-
-_The Father._—What is your name, sir?
-
-_Stephen._—My name is Branch.
-
-_Father._—For what are you confined?
-
-_Stephen._—For an alleged libel.
-
-_Father._—On whom?
-
-_Stephen._—On Mayor Daniel F. Tiemann, Simeon Draper, and Isaac Bell,
-Jr.
-
-_Father._—What is the period of your imprisonment?
-
-_Stephen._—One year. I think I have seen you before. What is your name,
-sir?
-
-_Father._—H——d.
-
-_Stephen._—Where do you reside?
-
-_Father._—In Charleston, South Carolina.
-
-_Stephen._—Ah! The dearest associations of my life are connected with
-two students bearing your name, who were from Charleston.
-
-_Father._—My wife and children: I think the keeper has directed us to
-the Lunatic Asylum, instead of the abode of convicts. Let us go and ask
-the keeper to show us to the prison.
-
-_Stephen._—Stop, sir. I now most positively discern the relics of your
-early features. Were you a student at Cambridge in 1835?
-
-_Father._—I was.
-
-_Stephen._—And your brother also, who was rescued from a watery grave in
-Boston Harbor?
-
-_Father_ (_leans against the iron door, and his frame trembles, and his
-face assumes a deathly palor_).—God of Heaven! And are you the son of
-Judge Stephen Branch, of Providence, Rhode Island?
-
-_Stephen._—I am, sir.
-
-_Father_ (_wiping sweat from his forehead and tears from his
-cheeks_).—Dear Stephen: Give me your hand, after our long separation.
-Alas! my poor brother is dead, whose life you saved in that dreadful
-squall, in Boston Harbor, twenty-three years ago. (_All weep, and his
-eldest daughter sobs aloud._)
-
-_Stephen._—Where and when did your noble brother die?
-
-_Father._—In Switzerland, ten years since; and in his last days he spoke
-most kindly of you.
-
-_His Wife_ (_in profuse tears_).—Have you a wife, Mr. Branch?
-
-_Stephen._—Neither wife, nor child, nor parents, nor hardly a relative
-on earth. And I am glad they have gone down to their happy graves. And I
-almost wish that I was reposing by their side. The earth is no place for
-me, nor for those who expose the licentious officials and plundering
-monsters of this age, who allure spotless females into the horrors of
-prostitution, and drive the friendless masses into cellars and attics
-and crowded and pestilential habitations, and into the inclement
-atmosphere.
-
-_Wife._—But why rejoice over the eternal departure of nearly all your
-kindred?
-
-_Stephen._—Because it would have blighted their health and fondest hopes
-to have beheld me in a felon’s dungeon.
-
-_Wife._—But you have committed no crime?
-
-_Stephen._—I could not do that. And I am in prison, because I have
-exposed the crimes, and resisted the gilded bribes of official
-plunderers for a dozen years, and utterly refused to join them in their
-various deeds of infamy. I could have been affluent, and had my liberty,
-if I had joined the public thieves, and shared their plunder. And if my
-parents were alive, although they would rejoice at my exposure of
-vicious public men, yet they would weep over the cruelty of those who
-consigned me to this dungeon, without an honorable trial, and rudely
-thrust me into the chain-gang of the quarries, and even yearn for my
-life.
-
-_Wife._—Yours seems a hard fate?
-
-_Stephen._—Yes; mine is indeed a mournful destiny.
-
-_Her Eldest Daughter_ (_whose lovely eyes gleam with tears_).—I weep
-over your misfortunes. I have often heard my dear uncle, whose life you
-saved at the peril of your own, speak of you in tones of deep affection,
-and here is a diamond breastpin he gave me in Switzerland, on the Lake
-of Geneva, on a tranquil moonlight evening, only ten days before his
-soul’s departure for the spirit realms. Take it, dear Mr. Branch, and
-keep it in remembrance of his affectionate niece. To no other being
-would I present a sacred gift of my departed uncle.
-
-_Stephen_ (_with overwhelming emotion_).—Please accept my profoundest
-gratitude for your precious donation, which I will wear near a heart
-that dearly loved your departed uncle, with whom I passed some of the
-happiest hours of my life.
-
-_The Youngest Daughter_ (_who is about ten years old_).—Dear Mr. Branch:
-Will you take this sweet rose from me, and let me kiss you through the
-grate?
-
-_Stephen._—O God! This is too much for my poor nerves. (_I shed copious
-tears, and all weep._) Yes, my pretty little girl, you can kiss me
-through the grate. (_And her father holds her up, and I place my pale,
-and cold, and haggard cheek to a perforation of my cell door, and this
-affectionate little girl imprints a fervent kiss, which I cordially
-reciprocate._)
-
-_Father._—God has blessed me with great prosperity, and I will devote my
-fortune to your restoration to liberty.
-
-_Stephen._—Mr. Ashmead, my able and faithful Counsel, assures me that I
-will soon emerge from prison, through the Supreme Judiciary. I most
-sincerely thank you for your extraordinary generosity, and for the visit
-of yourself and wife, and daughters, whom I will cherish all my days.
-
-_Father._—When you obtain your liberty, you must come to Charleston,
-where you will be received with our warmest hospitality.
-
-_Wife._—If you come, you shall never leave us.
-
-_Eldest Daughter._—You shall have the vacant seat of my uncle at our
-table.
-
-_Youngest Daughter._—Yes; and I will kiss you again—won’t I mother?—when
-you come to Charleston.
-
-_Mother._—Yes, my dear child; and you shall give him the sweetest rose
-in our garden.
-
-_Youngest Daughter._—That I will, and pretty flowers, too.
-
-_Father._—Good by, Mr. Branch. (_Strives to get his hand through the
-perforated door, but can clasp my fingers with but two of his._) Good
-by, sir—good by.
-
-_Wife._—Good by, Mr. Branch. I hope you will be restored to freedom.
-
-_Eldest Daughter._—Good by, Mr. Branch. I shall think of you with
-kindness, after I am gone, and I shall yearn to see you at our home in
-Carolina.
-
-_Youngest Daughter._—Good by, dear Mr. Branch, and I want you to give me
-another kiss before I go. (_I kiss her, and receive many in return._)
-Good by, and you must not forget to come to Charleston, when these bad
-men let you out of prison. Good by, dear Mr. Branch, and I hope you will
-not be lonely and cry much after we have gone far away from you. Good
-by, Mr. Branch.
-
-_Stephen._—Farewell, kind friends, and may God ever bless you for your
-noble sympathy. (_All go, and I prostrate myself on my cot, and am in
-prayers and tears long after their mournful departure._)
-
- ------------------------------------
-
-
-I cut these lines from a newspaper when I was a boy. I think they bore
-the Christian name of a lady. I am no poet, and do not know their merit.
-Perhaps Bryant or Prentrice can discern their beauties. Let pure and
-pensive and wild enthusiasts scan them for congenial spirits, and I
-think they will preserve these curious meditations which have been in my
-scrap-book since I was a pale youth, with my classic satchel, in the
-schools of Rhode Island. Those editors who copy these lines must not
-credit them to STEPHEN H. BRANCH, but they should say that they came
-from the jaws of his ALLIGATOR, as their author is unknown, and as that
-Animal introduces them to the public for the first time in thirty years:
-
-
- MIDNIGHT MEDITATIONS.
-
- Earth lies dumb before me, and the shadows
- Of midnight cast their dim forms athwart it.
- Quiet is brooding o’er a silent world,
- And the soft hush of slumber seals each lid.
- Night is too fair for sleep: with me thought wakes
- And treads in distant paths, where human step
- Ne’er left an echo on the vacant air.
- The gorgeous canopy of heaven is wrapped
- In silvery haze: Gems of uncounted wealth
- Bestud the lofty concave; and the bright
- Moon seems rolling like a silvery ball
- Across the trackless æther, mantling the earth
- In glory;—while her mellowed light
- Falls on my spirit with a holy calm, like that
- Of heaven. Tell us—why are we chained to earth?
- ’Tis far too gross for the immortal mind,
- Which yearns for higher realms, and pants in vain
- For the full measure of perfection. Oh!
- I have gazed upon night’s starry volume,
- Till I have read long lessons of delight,
- And drank the raptures of another world.
- Thought, living thought, burns to embrace the whole
- Of those deep mysteries eternity
- Conceals from mortal understanding; and
- The mind speaks out, and questions every beam
- Which falls from the bright reservoir of heaven—
- Interrogates each plant and breathing thing—
- Retires within itself, and calls up every
- Faculty—sends powerful fancy forth to
- Search through untrod regions, but spends its pow’rs
- Unsatisfied, till it sinks down at last
- Exhausted by its own intensity.
-
- O for a walk among those stars of light,
- Where grandeur fills immensity! I long
- To fling my soul upon the pinions of
- Eternity, and revel in the blaze
- Of glory unrevealed—to gaze upon
- The light that emanates from God’s vast throne,
- And hear the music of the rolling spheres
- As they revolve in mystic circles round
- The deep centre of unknown attraction.
- Spirits of heaven are hov’ring round me,
- And breathe sweet songs of rapture in my ear.
- The rustle of their wings is like the sigh
- Of leaves, when the soft zephyr moves among
- Their quiv’ring branches. Their hallowed voices
- Wake the eternity within me, and warm
- Aspirations rise from my heart’s altar
- To the great throne of Uncreated Power,
- The wings of seraphim seem wafting me
- In thought far through the bright and boundless ether.
- O for the freedom of unbodied life!
- To rove where thought ne’er ventured—where fancy
- Halts, her swift wing wearied in its lofty flight.
-
- I gaze upon the stars, and drink the full
- Glory of the midnight heavens—and breathe
- The breath of spiritual existence
- Till my soul beats, like a captive bird,
- Against its prison grates, and longs to soar away, and mix
- With immortality.
-
- Are not the stars
- Immortal? Do they not live forever
- In a joy of light? Have they not looked down
- From age to age upon this distant world
- And watched its evolutions? Viewed its face
- Change beneath the whelming flood—its cities
- Sink beneath the earthquake’s shock—its mountains
- Belch destruction—its boasted empires fall—
- Its armies crushed in battle—its proud kings
- Fade from earth—its ancient monumental
- Grandeur crumble into dust? Yet they roll on,
- Creatures of life, a beaming essence,
- A mysterious throng of heavenly
- Pageantry. But is there not a region
- Far above that envious height; above
- The stars; where beings live forever, and
- No darkness comes; where light exists for ages,
- Unborrowed from the sun; where storms dim not
- Its brightness? and where rapture never dies?
- Yes, far above the sky-bound ceiling, there
- Is light—eternal light—joy unsubdued,
- And everlasting life!
-
- Is there such a
- Thing as sin? I feel it not. This is a
- Holy hour. Nothing exists to me but
- Heaven, and heaven’s pure habitants; all worldly
- Thoughts are drowned in high communing. Is there
- Such a thing as pain? I know it not, who
- Oft have known it. Heaven’s high-wrought happiness
- Is mine. This is a peaceful hour, and I
- Could deem myself already entered on
- Immortal ground, did not this clog of clay
- Assure me I am yet of earth, and have,
- Perchance, long years of pain, and wo, and sin
- To witness, and the dark vale of death is
- Yet unpassed by me, though ever near. Well,
- If it must be so, welcome the hour that
- Breaks these mortal shackles, and lets loose my
- Spirit on the wings of life, to find its
- Native element and long sought home, if
- Heaven at last be mine. Congenial spirits
- Of unknown existence! would that your forms
- Could be perceived by mortal eyes, that I
- Might hold sweet converse with you, and forget
- That I am mortal.
-
- Oh! there is that
- Within, which tells me I was destined for
- A higher sphere; that heaven was made for me;
- For _all_—if we accept the gift, and mount
- Faith’s ladder, as the word of life directs
- This life is not our destiny; ’tis but
- A prelude to a state eternal, a
- Mere beginning of existence, when once
- Begun, that ne’er shall cease to be. Life! Life!
- What art thou _now_—what art thou doomed to be?
- A shade; a substance; dream; reality;
- A blessing or a curse; a moment here;
- Hereafter an eternity! Dread thought,
- Eternity! Eternity! My soul
- Is lost in that vast subject, and I shrink
- Appalled from the unmeasured time to come.
- No more I ask to know its hidden space;
- ’Twill soon unfold to me, and I shall dwell
- Forever in its changeless realm; no more
- To feel emotions known on earth, or think
- As now I think, or live as now I live;
- ’Till then, “the mysteries of fate are hid,”
- And all lie buried in a world to come.
-
- ----------------------------------------------------------------
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-Amaurosis, Granulated Eye Lids and Weak and Sore Eyes of any standing;
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-permaturely, enabled to do without them by recovering the natural tone
-of the eye. Those of the aged strengthened and restored to the natural
-form or convexity. Worst of cases treated successfully, as seen at the
-Infirmary, from 12 M to 2 P. M., on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
-
- NO. 656 SIXTH AVENUE, NEW YORK,
-
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-
-Abundant personal references given that her remedies are harmless, and
-her cures performed without operation or the slightest pain.
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-THE LIFE, TRAVELS AND ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND DE SOTO, DISCOVERER OF THE
-MISSISSIPPI. 1 vol., 556 pages octavo 30 superb Steel and Wood
-Engravings, Printed on fine paper and bound elegantly. One of these
-superb Steel Plates is photographed of the $10,000 painting ordered by
-Congress, worth the price of the book.
-
-This book is indispensable to every library. Pronounced by The New York
-Herald to be “the most interesting book in the English language.” 10,000
-Agents wanted to canvass for this work, to whom we will give a district
-not already taken.
-
-Sent by mail free of postage on receipt of the money. Postmasters are
-allowed 30 per cent on all subscribers they send us—Address
-
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- ----------------------------------------------------------------
-
-
- FALL ELECTION.
-
- STATE OF NEW-YORK, }
- OFFICE OF THE SECRETARY OF STATE, }
- ALBANY, August 2, 1858. }
-
-_To the Sheriff of the County of New York_:
-
-SIR—NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN, THAT AT THE GENERAL Election to be held in
-this State on the Tuesday succeeding the first Monday in November next,
-the following officers are to be elected, to wit:
-
-A GOVERNOR, in the place of John A. King;
-
-A LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR, in the place of Henry R. Selden;
-
-A CANAL COMMISSIONER, in the place of Samuel B. Ruggles, appointed in
-place of Samuel S. Whallon, deceased;
-
-AN INSPECTOR OF STATE PRISONS, in the place of William A. Russell;
-
-All whose terms of office will expire on the last day of December next.
-
-A REPRESENTATIVE in the Thirty-sixth Congress of the United States, for
-the Third Congressional District, composed of the First, Second, Third,
-Fifth and Eighth Wards in the city of New York;
-
-A REPRESENTATIVE in the Thirty-sixth Congress of the United States, for
-the Fourth Congressional District, composed of the Fourth, Sixth, Tenth
-and Fourteenth Wards in the city of New York;
-
-A REPRESENTATIVE in the Thirty-sixth Congress of the United States, for
-the Fifth Congressional District, composed of the Seventh and Thirteenth
-Wards of the city of New York, and the Thirteenth, Fourteenth, Fifteenth
-and Sixteenth Wards of Brooklyn;
-
-A REPRESENTATIVE in the Thirty-sixth Congress of the United States, for
-the Sixth Congressional District, composed of the Eleventh, Fifteenth
-and Seventeenth Wards in the City of New York;
-
-A REPRESENTATIVE in the Thirty-sixth Congress of the United States, for
-the Seventh Congressional District, composed of the Ninth, Sixteenth,
-and Twentieth Wards in the City of New York;
-
-And also, a REPRESENTATIVE in the Thirty-sixth Congress of the United
-States for the Eighth Congressional District, composed of the Twelfth,
-Eighteenth, Nineteenth, Twenty-first, and Twenty-second Wards in the
-City of New York.
-
-
- COUNTY OFFICERS ALSO TO BE ELECTED FOR SAID COUNTY.
-
-SEVENTEEN MEMBERS OF ASSEMBLY;
-
-A SHERIFF, in the place of James C. Willett;
-
-A COUNTY CLERK, in the place of Richard B. Connolly;
-
-FOUR CORONERS, in the place of Frederick W. Perry, Edward Connery,
-Robert Gamble and Samuel C. Hills;
-
-All whose terms of office will expire on the last day of December next.
-
-The attention of Inspectors of Election and County Canvassers is
-directed to Chapter 320 of Laws of 1858, a copy of which is printed, for
-instructions in regard to their duties under said law, “submitting the
-question of calling a Convention to revise the Constitution and amend
-the same to the people of the State.”
-
-
- CHAP. 320.
-
-AN ACT to submit the question of calling a Convention to revise the
- Constitution and amend the same, to the People of the State:
-
-Passed April 17, 1858—three-fifths being present.
-
-_The People of the State of New York, represented in Senate and
- Assembly, do enact as follows_:
-
-SECTION 1. The Inspectors of Election in each town, ward, and election
-district in this State, at the annual election to be held in November
-next, shall provide a proper box to receive the ballots of the citizens
-of this State entitled to vote for members of the Legislature at such
-election. On such ballot shall be written or printed, or partly written
-and printed, by those voters who are in favor of a Convention, the
-words: “Shall there be a Convention to Revise the Constitution and amend
-the same? Yes.” And by those voters who are opposed thereto, the words:
-“Shall there be a Convention to Revise the Constitution and amend the
-same? No.” And all citizens entitled to vote as aforesaid shall be
-allowed to vote by ballot as aforesaid, in the election district in
-which he resides, and not elsewhere.
-
-§2. So much of the articles one, two and three, of title four, of
-chapter one hundred and thirty, of an act entitled “An act respecting
-elections other than for militia and town officer,” passed April fifth,
-eighteen hundred and forty-two, and the acts amending the same, as
-regulates the manner of conducting elections and challenges oaths to be
-administered, and inquiries to be made, of persons offering to vote,
-shall be deemed applicable to the votes to be given or offered under the
-act; and the manner of voting and challenges, and the penalties for
-false swearing, prescribed by law, are hereby declared in full force and
-effect in voting or offering to vote under this act.
-
-§3. The said votes given for and against a convention, in pursuance of
-this act, shall be canvassed by the Inspectors of the several election
-districts or polls of the said election in the manner prescribed by law,
-and as provided in article four, of title four, of chapter one hundred
-and thirty of the said act, passed April fifth, eighteen hundred and
-forty-two, and the acts amending the same, as far as the same are
-applicable; and such canvass shall be completed by ascertaining the
-whole number of votes given in each election district or poll for a
-convention, and the whole number of votes given against such convention,
-in the form aforesaid; and the result being found, the inspectors shall
-make a statement in words, at full length, of the number of ballots
-received in relation to such convention, and shall also state in words,
-at full length, the whole number of ballots having thereon the words,
-“Shall there be a Convention to revise the Constitution and amend the
-same? No.” Such statements as aforesaid shall contain a caption, stating
-the day on which, and the number of the district, the town or ward, and
-the county at which the election was held, and at the end thereof a
-certificate that such statement is correct in all respects, which
-certificate shall be subscribed by all the inspectors, and a true copy
-of such statement shall be immediately filed by them in the office of
-the clerk of the town or city.
-
-§4. The original statements, duly certified as aforesaid, shall be
-delivered by the inspectors, or one of them to be deputed for that
-purpose, to the supervisor, or, in case there be no supervisor, or he
-shall be disabled from attending the board of canvassers, then to one of
-the assessors of the town or ward, within twenty-four hours after the
-same shall have been subscribed by such inspectors, to be disposed of as
-other statements at such election, are now required by law.
-
-§5. So much of articles first, second, third, and fourth, of title
-fifth, of chapter one hundred and thirty, of the act entitled, “An act
-respecting elections other than for militia and town officers,” and the
-acts amending the same, as regulates the duties of County Canvassers and
-their proceedings, and the duty of County Clerks, and the Secretary of
-State, and the Board of State Canvassers, shall be applied to the
-canvassing and ascertaining the will of the people of this State in
-relation to the proposed convention; and if it shall appear that a
-majority of the votes or ballots given in and returned as aforesaid are
-against a convention, then the said canvassers are required to certify
-and declare that fact by a certificate, subscribed by them, and filed
-with the Secretary of State; but if it shall appear by the said canvass
-that a majority of the ballots or votes given as aforesaid are for a
-convention, then they shall by like certificates, to be filed as
-aforesaid, declare that fact; and the said Secretary shall communicate a
-copy of such certificate to both branches of the Legislature, at the
-opening of the next session thereof. Yours, respectfully,
-
- GIDEON J. TUCKER, Secretary of State.
-
- SHERIFF’S OFFICE, }
-
- NEW YORK, August 4, 1858. }
-
-The above is published pursuant to the notice of the Secretary of State,
-and the requirements of the Statute in such case made and provided.
-
-
-
-
-
-End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Stephen H. Branch's Alligator Vol. 1
-no. 23, September 25, 1858, by Stephen H. Branch
-
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-<pre>
-
-The Project Gutenberg EBook of Stephen H. Branch's Alligator Vol. 1 no.
-23, September 25, 1858, by Stephen H. Branch
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most
-other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of
-the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have
-to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook.
-
-Title: Stephen H. Branch's Alligator Vol. 1 no. 23, September 25, 1858
-
-Author: Stephen H. Branch
-
-Release Date: June 30, 2017 [EBook #55015]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: UTF-8
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BRANCH'S ALLIGATOR, SEPT 25, 1858 ***
-
-
-
-
-Produced by The Online Distributed Proofreading Team at
-http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images
-generously made available by The Internet Archive)
-
-
-
-
-
-
-</pre>
-
-
-<div class='tnote'>
-
-<div class='nf-center-c1'>
- <div class='nf-center'>
- <div>Transcriber Notes</div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
- <ul class='ul_1'>
- <li>Obvious printer errors, typos and missing punctuation fixed. Misspellings in the
- pupil’s speech in the Stephen and his Adult Pupil story have been retained, as have
- archaic spellings and inconsistent hyphenation.
- </li>
- <li>The cover has been created by the transcriber and placed in the public domain.
- </li>
- <li>The table of contents has been created and added by the transcriber.
- </li>
- </ul>
-
-</div>
-<div class='pbb'>
- <hr class='pb c000' />
-</div>
-
-<table class='table0' summary=''>
-<colgroup>
-<col width='92%' />
-<col width='7%' />
-</colgroup>
- <tr>
- <td class='c001'>Early Boyhood and its Merry Pastimes.</td>
- <td class='c002'><a href='#boyhood'>1</a></td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class='c001'>The Alligator Lives for Another Week.</td>
- <td class='c002'><a href='#alligator'>2</a></td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class='c001'>Stephen and his Adult Pupil.</td>
- <td class='c002'><a href='#pupil'>3</a></td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class='c001'>Stephen H. Branch, in his Cell at Blackwell’s Island—A Mournful Scene.</td>
- <td class='c002'><a href='#scene'>3</a></td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class='c001'>Advertisements</td>
- <td class='c002'><a href='#ads'>4</a></td>
- </tr>
-</table>
-<div class='pbb'>
- <hr class='pb c000' />
-</div>
-
-<div class='figcenter id001'>
-<img src='images/logo.jpg' alt='STEPHEN H. BRANCH’S ALLIGATOR.' class='ig001' />
-</div>
-
-<div class='double'>
-
-</div>
-
-<div class='nf-center-c1'>
-<div class='nf-center c003'>
- <div>Volume I.—No. 23.<span class='padded'>SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 1858.</span><span class='padded'>Price 2 Cents.</span></div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<div>
- <h1 class='c004'>STEPHEN H. BRANCH’S <br /> ALLIGATOR.</h1>
-</div>
-
-<div><span class='pageno' id='Page_1'>1</span></div>
-<div class='column'>
-
-<div>
- <h2 id='boyhood' class='c005'>Early Boyhood and its Merry Pastimes.</h2>
-</div>
-
-<p class='c006'>I remember the woman’s school at four years old, and the merited
-chastisement of the school marm; my desperate descent on
-the sugar bowl; the military company of which I was commander;
-my annual cries in the trundle bed at 12 o’clock and one second,
-A. M.: “I wish you merry Christmas, Ma,—I wish you
-happy New Year, Pa,—now gim me cent;” with my father’s:
-“Go to sleep, you young rascal, or I’ll come and spank you;” the
-two cents I always got on the 4th of July, if I had been a good
-boy, and the solitary penny if I hadn’t; the death of my mother
-of twins; the copious tears of my father and Aunt Lucy; my
-grief at her sudden demise; the country boarding school, and the
-blast of lightning that felled me to the earth, while whittling on
-the summer green; my eyes soon open on the glories of the lurid
-universe, and I scamper into the pretty cottage, and bound into
-the arms of my aunt, who nearly smothers me with affectionate
-embraces; the storm passes; a bow appears, with crimson arrows,
-and lingers on the concave’s rosy verge, till Venus gleams through
-the twilight leaves, when its gorgeous hues are vailed by the revolving
-spheres, and it descends the dazzling west.</p>
-
-<div class='lg-container-b c000'>
- <div class='linegroup'>
- <div class='group'>
- <div class='line'>Whose Archer follows the resplendent sun,</div>
- <div class='line'>Before whose darts the stormy Furies run;</div>
- </div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<p class='c007'>the moon ascends the east in matchless splendor, and roams in
-tranquil beauty through infinitude, spreading its snowy light on
-vale and mead, that vie with lakes of liquid silver; my aunt lingers
-at my bed, while I say my evening prayer, and invests my
-heart with sacred feelings; myself and brother William, on our
-way to school, through a dreary wood, espy a boy in a wagon,
-when I exclaim: “Why, Bill, there’s our brother Albert;” Bill
-stares and says: “Steve, your perceptions are very foggy, and I
-begin to think you aint got good sense;” I closely scan the boy,
-and smile, but elicit no response, the little rogue riveting his bright
-blue eyes on the vacant air; Bill passes on to school, with:
-“Steve, you are raving mad, and I’m going to tell Aunt Freeman
-so;” when I address the stranger thus: “Little boy, you look like
-my brother Albert, and this horse and wagon resemble ours, and
-won’t you please to tell me if you aint my brother Al, who lives
-far away from here, in a place called Providence? I always dearly
-loved him, and I havn’t seen him for a long time now, and I would
-like to see him very much; come, now, little boy, aint you Ally
-Branch, and if you are, won’t you please to tell me so?” Tears
-roll down his pale cheeks, followed by the sweetest smiles, (like
-simultaneous rain and sunshine,) extending his arms, with: “How
-do you do, dear brother Stevy;” I scream; dart into the wagon,
-and, placing my arms around his neck, fondly kiss him. And then
-I made the woods ring with my cries for Bill to return, and behold
-our dear brother, found so mysteriously alone in the forest
-wild. Bill slowly returns; and I hear the echo of a laugh, and see
-a man emerge from the monarch oaks, whom I discern as father,
-whose playful stratagem blares brightly before my enraptured
-vision. And with the velocity of light, I spring from the wagon,
-and at a bound, am in the embraces of my adored father. The
-vail slowly passes from the eyes of Bill, who stands like a statue
-in the dim perspective, crying lustily over my triumphant conquest.
-We all shout and wave our hands, and Willie bounds into
-Albert’s and father’s arms, whose fervent kisses soon dispel his
-tears; when his crescent and revolving eyes gently threaten to
-eclipse the sun and moon with hilarious splendor; three happy
-brothers then rock the forest solitude with merry vociferations,
-and run like deer, and sing like infant Jubals, with sweet responses
-from congenial birds, prancing on the oaks’ majestic
-branches. And with hearts of gladness, we spring like hounds
-into the wagon, and return to Aunt Freeman’s, and that I regard
-as one of the happiest days of my early boyhood. On the following
-morn, we leave for Providence, which I scarcely reach, ere our
-yard is a camp of boys, eager to embrace their favorite commander,
-after his long captivity in the desert wilds of Woodstock; myself
-and Albert soon go to another country school; we board with
-a minister who has a large family, and a small salary, which was
-tardily and scantily paid with very poor provisions; myself and
-Al don’t like the fare; has fried pork too often for breakfast, and
-pork and beans for dinner, with a cold cut of pork and beans at
-nightfall; and we enter our solemn protest against so much fried
-hog, and so many baked beans; we protest, too, against his not
-fastening the doors and windows nights, as father does at home;
-we hear strange noises nights, while abed; and respectfully implore
-him to put locks on the doors, and nails in the windows, who
-refuses, and says, that good boys are never afraid of robbers or assassins;
-we still hear dreadful sounds at midnight; and bury ourselves,
-head and all, in the bed clothes; sweat terribly, and nearly
-smother; grow pale; lose flesh; get very weak; have cold night
-sweats; finally despair, and threaten to leave for home; write
-long letters to father, full of bad writing and spelling, who doesn’t
-answer them, because he can’t read them; we start for Providence;
-our sacred host pursues us on a cadaverous horse, whose ribs
-rattle, and captures us in the haunted woods, where, in old times, a
-man was murdered, and two lovers hung themselves, because their
-parents wouldn’t let them marry; I and Al were hurrying through
-this dreadful wood, when old cadaverous and the parson pounce
-upon us, who threatens to whip us if we don’t return, and cuts a
-switch for the purpose; his eyes roll terribly, and, as I once heard
-he was slightly insane at times, and, fearing he might murder me,
-I gave the wink to Al, and we concluded to return, very gently
-shaking our heads and fists, with threats of telling our father all
-about it some day, who was a Justice of the Peace, and could lock
-up any body, and have them hung beside; to silence our unceasing
-clamors, the parson gets some cheap second-hand locks, and rusty
-nails, fastens the doors and windows nights, and gives us fried liver
-twice a week for breakfast, and lets pork and beans slide awhile,
-with very tender veal instead; don’t hear strange sounds at night
-any more; sleep very soundly; don’t hear the cheerless midnight
-winds as of yore; get fat as butter; are very contented; Fourth
-of July close at hand; father comes after us; shed tears of joy,
-and run and jump like wild cats, and get home alive once more
-from a country boarding school; go to a party on the night of our
-arrival; Oscar Rivulet and Clara Violet are there; at the party’s
-close, I can’t find my hat, and while in its vigorous pursuit, Oscar
-takes the arm of Clara, when I step up and whisper in his ear, that
-I will chastise him the very next day for cutting me out; Oscar
-and Clara depart; I find my hat in the oven, where Oscar doubtless
-put it, and begin to cry with rage; to console me, my aunt
-places the arm of Flora Rosebud in mine, who was a dashing little
-belle, with whom I slowly ramble towards her home beneath a
-brilliant sky; soon after I bid Flora good night, at her father’s
-door, a dark cloud rapidly arose and obscured the moon, and I became
-afraid, and ran fleetly home, expecting to meet an assassin at
-every corner’s turn, but when I heard the cheerful watchman’s cry
-of “half-past eight o’clock, and all’s well,” and beheld his noble
-form in the distance, my fears are tranquilized, and I walk as erect
-and firm as the hero of many battles, and loudly boast of my courage,
-after I get snugly in the trundle bed with Albert, the shield of
-my father’s voice above me, to fortify my pretended valor. On the
-following day, my step-mother struck me on the head with a
-jacket with brass buttons, for my impudence at dinner in my father’s
-absence, because she wouldn’t give me more boiled onions, of
-which I was very fond; the blood flowed freely, and she was terrified
-lest I would bleed to death, and she be hung; she dressed
-the wounds most tenderly, and gave me plenty of onions and sugar,
-and warmly coaxed me not to tell father when he came to tea,
-lest he would gently chide her for her laceration of the skull of the
-prolific brain of the darling son who bore his own father’s promising
-name of Stephen; and for many days she gave me candy and
-peanuts, and gave me so many onions that I have loathed them
-since; she even poulticed my lacerated head with boiled onions,
-which I smell to this day; I had the ear-ache, and she even put a
-small roast onion in my ear to check the pain; I once passed
-through Weathersfield, (where onions are as thick as leaves in the
-Vale of Vallambrosa,) whose atmosphere caused me to fertilize its
-streets with bile; my step-mother finally stops my supplies of
-sweetmeats, and I threaten to tell my father of her violent blow,
-and show him my scars, when she surrendered, and gave me sweet
-things for a long period; and she saved me many a whipping from
-my father, when I was mischievous, lest I would tell and show the
-relics of her trouncing, which gave me a boundless latitude for
-pranks until the scars all passed away; at this time, my dog Watch
-was drowned, but he rose the ninth day, and I buried him at the
-foot of my father’s garden, with funeral honors, a neighboring dog,
-in traces, bearing his precious body to the grave, over which I placed
-turf and stones in memory of a dog I dearly loved; after the funeral,
-Cornelius Snow, nicknamed Flop, called me names, and I
-told my father that “Flop Snow had called me names, and I meant
-to lick him for it,” when my father effected a reconciliation, by allowing
-Cornelius to call me Steve as long as I called him Flop.
-He had long been at the head of my class, at school, and I had never
-been at the head, which mortified my father, who told me if I
-would get above Flop through good spelling, he would give me a
-sixpence; I tried long and hard, but I couldn’t do it; so, on a very
-stormy day, while myself and Flop were the only boys of our
-spelling class at school, I told him that if he would make a mistake
-in spelling, and let me keep at the head until school was over,
-I would give him three cents; Flop consented, and broke down
-on beef, which he spelled <em>b-e-a-p-h-f-e</em>, for which the teacher boxed
-his ears, and made him see ten thousand sparkling stars; I got
-sixpence from my father, and gave Flop half of it; there was a full
-class the next day, and down I went to the foot, my usual place;
-my father learned of my collusion with Flop, and gave me a tremendous
-whipping; the next day I went several miles down Providence
-river, in a canoe with Elias Smith and Joseph Fuller, and
-was gone four days, and all the town was terribly excited lest we
-were lost; but Mr. Proud, a neighbor, of whose peaches and melons
-I was very fond, stuck to it like beeswax, that I would never be
-drowned, while hemp grew in Kentucky; the day after my return,
-my step-mother whips Albert for stealing a small lump of sugar, at
-about 11, A. M.; father usually came to dinner at 12, M.; Ally
-cried for a long time; but he began to lull, and I was afraid he
-wouldn’t hold out until father got home; so, I got Ally down cellar,
-and pinched him, and pulled his hair, to make him keep it up,
-until father got home; it being near twelve o’clock, and my step-mother
-knowing my influence over Ally, told me if I would pacify
-him before father came to dinner, she would give me as much sugar
-as I wanted for a whole week; I accepted the bribe,—but Al
-overheard us, and declared that he would cry like thunder, until
-father came, if I didn’t give him half the sugar; we finally compromised,
-by allowing Ally a quarter of all the lumps I got; a few
-days after, while returning from a Saturday excursion down the
-river, my brother Bill cut up so, that the boat capsized, in very
-deep water, a short distance from the shore; Jim Baker and myself
-got on the bottom of the boat, while Bill’s feet and head were
-entangled in the ropes and sail; Sam Thurber and others swam to
-the shore; Jim Baker and myself couldn’t swim, and we expected
-to be lost; and we bellowed murder like fury; amid this awful
-scene, the owner of the boat came down the shore, and cried:
-“Pay for that boat, you rascals, pay for that boat;” he had scarcely
-breathed these brutal words, when down went Jim Baker and
-myself to the river’s bed; I rose to the surface first, and went
-down again, when Jim grabbed my leg, and we came up together,
-and a noble sailor seized and bore us to the shore, where we were
-put in barrels, and pints of water squeezed out of us; Jim and myself
-open our dewy eyes, shake hands, and walk home arm in arm,
-with the sailor behind, thrashing the boat proprietor for demanding
-pay, instead of coming to our rescue, whose unparalleled inhumanity
-the gallant tar couldn’t tolerate. I went to bed, and had a
-horrid night-mare, and dreamed of sharks and whales. On the
-day after the boat calamity of Jim Baker and myself on Providence
-river, I arose with the glorious sun, ate a spare repast, and
-went to school. My stomach yet complained of salt water, and
-my head and books were at rapiers’ points. The teacher, <span class='sc'>Shaw</span>,
-vainly chides me for my indolence, and summons me before him,
-<span class='pageno' id='Page_2'>2</span>and demands my spelling-book, and gives me <em>genuine</em>, which I
-spell “<em>gen-ner-wine</em>.” The school is convulsed in the wildest
-screams. Shaw seizes his lignumvitae ruler, darts through the
-aisles, rolls his big gray eyes, and bangs the desks until the dust
-rises into clouds, when the mirthful tumult is hushed into the
-silence of a tomb, and he bids me take my seat, with furious cuffs
-of both ears. My brother Bill had been snickering in his hat, and
-sleeve, and handkerchief, until he had saturated them all with his
-hilarious tears, and, as I passed him on my way to my seat, he
-burst into a <em>genuine</em> Branch laugh, and all again was chaos. The
-scholars were more uproarious than before, and Shaw rages furiously,
-and calls up Bill, when all is silent terror, and every eye is
-riveted on its book. Shaw demands Bill to extend his right hand,
-which he declines to do, because he has a felon, and tender warts
-all over his knuckles. Shaw then commands him to hold up his
-left hand, and Bill obeys, when Shaw’s eyes flash sparks of fire, his
-cheeks are deathly pale, and his ferule descends with tremendous
-violence</p>
-
-<div class='lg-container-b c000'>
- <div class='linegroup'>
- <div class='group'>
- <div class='line'>On the vacant air,</div>
- <div class='line'>As Bill’s hand wan’t there!</div>
- </div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<p class='c008'>The scholars roar again, and clap their little hands, and stamp
-their feet in the wildest ecstacy, when Shaw bellows like a rabid
-bull, and gesticulates fatality to the rebellious scholars, whose eyes
-fall quickly on their books, and all violently move their pallid
-lips, with pretense of study, while a terrible revenge rankles in
-their hearts, for Shaw’s cruel treatment of Bill, who has so many
-warts and a felon, with salt water still gurgling in his ocean belly.
-At Shaw’s wrathful behest, Bill again raises his trembling hand,
-and keeps his eye fastened on Shaw’s; and as the ruler nears his
-palm, he dodges, when Shaw flies to his scholastic throne for his
-cow-skin, and descends his ramparts with the pomposity of a king,
-calmly surveying his juvenile and affrighted subjects, and directs
-Bill to remove his jacket, who firmly declines. Shaw seizes him,
-and Bill cries murder; the girls weep and faint, and water is
-sprinkled on their cheeks and foreheads; the boys shake their
-fists, and dare each other to rush to Bill’s rescue, but Shaw threatens
-them with utter annihilation if they interfere, and the belligerent
-and affrighted boys leave poor Bill to his unhappy fate.—Fortunately
-for Bill, Shaw is short, and of very slender mould.
-Bill is stout, knows well the physical weakness of his adversary,
-and proves himself fully equal to the awful crisis before him. For,
-while Shaw strives to get Bill across his knees to switch and spank
-him, Bill, by a sudden and very elastic movement, gets between,
-and coils himself, like a snake, around Shaw’s legs, and pinches,
-and bites, and tears his pants, and finally trips him, and down they
-go, with Bill on Shaw, and with both hands so firmly and desperately
-clenched in Shaw’s white cravat, as to make his tongue protrude.
-The girls faintly titter, while the stoutest and bravest boys
-bang their desks, and wildly shout with joy. The panting combatants
-spring to the floor, and, like two roosters, have a moment’s
-respite; Shaw is pale, and trembles with shame, and relents, and
-in feeble and broken accents, directs Bill to take his seat; the silence
-of a Capulet pervades the school, when my tremendous
-horse laugh breaks the calm; the scholars scream again with frantic
-contortions; Shaw’s eyes roll like a demon’s, and his voice rises
-high above the universal clamor, which slowly subsides, and all is
-still again; Shaw then comes on tiptoe to my desk, and grabs and
-drags me to the aisle, with one hand clutched in my throat, and
-the other in my long hair, when I grab him in a tender spot, and
-make him squeal; and so severe and unrelenting is my grasp, that
-he gladly gives freedom to my throat and hair, and implores, in
-tones of excruciating agony, to release my hands. I slowly do so,
-when he re-seizes me, and, dragging me several feet by my hair,
-kicks away the scuttle, and casts me headlong beneath the schoolhouse,
-closing the scuttle over me; I can hardly sit upright in my
-new abode; all is darkness; I smell the awful perfume of a dead
-skunk; little mice squeal, and run over me, and nibble at my
-mouth and nose, and big and hungry rats approach, and violently
-attack me, which I keep at bay with my feet and hands, and hideous
-yells, and they finally scamper to their holes, while a myriad
-of mice remain to torment me; I chew tobacco, to drown my abject
-sorrow; it is the first cud that ever graced my mouth; I cover
-it with the fragment of a newspaper, to prevent my giddy exhiliration
-through a too strong taste of tobacco; I soon got deathly sick,
-and thump and scream for Shaw to let me out, who heeds not my
-piteous cries; I am desperate, and resting my hands and feet on
-the ground, I get an irresistible purchase, and with a mighty
-movement of my back, I burst the scuttle with a tremendous
-crash, and dart from my narrow and dreary cavern into the schoolroom,
-and run down the aisle, vomiting at every step; the scholars
-are nearly gone; as I approach the door, Shaw grabs me, when I
-belch the purest bile plump in his face, which, of course, was purely
-accidental; Shaw is blinded with tobacco bile, and wipes his
-cheeks, and nose, and mouth, and eyes, and commands me to go to
-his desk; I refuse; he then expostulates, and breathes kind words,
-which allay my anger, and check the flow of tobacco and salt water
-bile; I go to his desk; he dismisses the few scholars that remain,
-save my weeping brother Bill, curled in the corner; Shaw
-laments the sad occurrence; hopes we will be better boys, and
-permits us to go home; on our arrival, father is at tea, listening to
-brother Albert’s version of the story; Bill and myself seat ourselves
-at table, when father directs each to give his melancholy
-narrative; Bill is hungry, and slowly begins, and lacks vivacity,
-and the impatient father turns to me for the rapid and vivid analysis
-of the horrid scholastic anarchy and rencontre then flying on
-exaggeration’s wide-spread wings, and distracting the peaceful
-firesides of Providence; I swallow the delicious food already in
-my mouth; cleanse my throat with a prolonged swallow of commingled
-tea and sugar, and tell my story in a nervous strain; my
-father’s eyes are large, and fixed on mine, throughout my exciting
-narrative, at whose close, he gets his hat and cane and autumnal
-mantle, and bids myself and Bill to follow him; we penetrate the
-pitchy darkness, and after varied street meanderings in the turbulent
-and piercing evening winds, we ascend the steps, and tap at
-the door of Shaw; we enter his pale presence, who is extremely
-courteous to father, who is a member of the Visiting School Committee,
-and invested with power of a teacher’s dismissal, which
-Shaw now fears; father opens his deadly batteries, and Shaw, perceiving
-no possible escape, pleads extenuation for the violent temper
-that nature gave him; spoke of William as a very good and
-studious boy, (a truth,) and of Stephen as a meritorious and enthusiastic
-youth, who dearly loved his books, (a lie,) and deeply
-regretted that his heated passion led him to the chastisement of
-William, and the incarceration of Stephen; and declared in tones
-of warm sincerity, that if father would forgive him, he would never
-whip nor imprison us again, but lead us up the hill of science
-through gentle and persuasive means; father pities and admires
-his humility, and, rising to depart, directs Shaw to inform him
-every Friday by letter, how many days William and Stephen have
-played the truant during the week, and with what facility we recite
-our lessons, and what our general conduct is; Shaw’s eyes
-flash joy at these delightful and magnanimous behests, while the
-eyes of Bill and myself flash guilt and fury at Shaw’s apparent
-conquest, because all our future sport is spoiled, and mine, especially,
-as I played truant about twice a week, and Bill once a
-month; and because I seldom got my lessons well; Shaw and father
-extend their hands, and shake a warm good night: and while
-they linger at the outer door in friendly conversation, I slyly
-crawl through father’s legs, to get into the street as soon as possible,
-and away from Shaw’s victorious presence; the last shake
-of hands transpire between father and Shaw, who slowly closes
-the door with a beatific smile; father, myself, and Bill muffle ourselves
-in our fervent garments; it snows and blows very hard;
-and, as we walk slowly homeward against the snow and wind,
-father delivers an affectionate and mournful lecture, gently chiding
-us for the trouble we had caused him, and the rapid increase of his
-snowy locks; kindly warning us that we were constantly exposed
-to the sad fate of orphans, our tender mother being already gone
-forever; and with a trembling voice implored us to be good boys,
-to study hard, to be kind and obedient to Mr. Shaw, to cultivate
-manly virtues, and strive to become intellectual giants, and the
-pillars of our country, in peace or war, after the fathers of his generation
-had passed from the field of action. We both wept bitterly,
-and besought our dear and indulgent father to forgive the past,
-with assurances of our efforts to please him and our teacher in the
-future. We reach home, and father kindles a crackling, hickory
-fire, and gives us cider and walnuts, and tells us pretty stories, and
-puts on extra bed clothes, because the night is so piercing cold, and
-tucks our bed at the sides, to keep out the biting air, and then directs
-us to clasp and raise our little hands to God, and say after him
-our evening prayer of</p>
-
-<div class='lg-container-b c000'>
- <div class='linegroup'>
- <div class='group'>
- <div class='line'>“Now I lay me down to sleep,</div>
- <div class='line'>I pray the Lord my soul to keep,</div>
- <div class='line'>If I should die before I wake,</div>
- <div class='line'>I pray the Lord my soul to take;”</div>
- </div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<p class='c007'>and then gives us a parting kiss, and pats our little foreheads, and
-breathes sweet tones of affection until he passes from our view.
-Bill and myself make good resolves for the future, and breathe a
-fond “good night!” and then embrace the tranquil slumber and
-innocent dreams of early boyhood.</p>
-
-<div class='double'>
-
-</div>
-
-<div class='nf-center-c0'>
- <div class='nf-center'>
- <div>Office—114 Nassau Street</div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<hr class='c009' />
-<div class='fancy'>
-
-<div class='nf-center-c0'>
- <div class='nf-center'>
- <div>THE ALLIGATOR.</div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-</div>
-<hr class='c009' />
-
-<div class='nf-center-c0'>
- <div class='nf-center'>
- <div>New York, Saturday, September 25, 1858.</div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<div class='double'>
-
-</div>
-
-<div>
- <h2 id='alligator' class='c005'>The Alligator Lives for Another Week.</h2>
-</div>
-
-<p class='c006'>The Ladies have saved the <span class='sc'>Alligator</span> for
-six days more, in which God made the gorgeous
-realms of infinitude! Last week, I proclaimed
-that unless advance subscribers or patriots came
-to the rescue of the wounded and bleeding <span class='sc'>Alligator</span>,
-he must soon expire amid the tumultuous
-exultations of his proscriptive adversaries.
-The gentlemen responded in companies, but
-the ladies in battalions, and soothed and rescued
-the poor <span class='sc'>Alligator</span> from the jaws of immediate
-death.<a id='r1' /><a href='#f1' class='c010'><sup>[1]</sup></a> Without the sympathy of woman,
-man soon droops, and totters, and expires.
-Woman is the prolific source of all that glorifies
-the cottages, and mansions, and palaces of
-the globe. And her benevolence ameliorates
-the poor, and oppressed, and disconsolate in
-every region of the earth. From Eve to Mary,
-the mother of Washington, the history of woman
-is a brilliant constellation. Without the
-pure and patriotic Mary, there would have been
-no Washington,—and without Washington,
-the Americans would have had no country, and
-the oppressed of all lands no asylum of liberty
-and prosperity. In the sacred bosom of her
-family, woman is like the queen of night amid
-the pretty stars. In our infant years, she nourishes,
-and shields, and cheers us in our precarious
-journey to maturer years. She imparts
-the first kiss, and moulds the first prayer, and
-is prouder of her offspring than a queen of her
-throne. As the child buds, and blooms, and
-blossoms, and ascends the hill of moral and
-scholastic science, she watches every pace with
-breathless solicitude. And in penury or affluence,
-in bondage or freedom, in power or on
-the scaffold, she clings with intense affection to
-the adored objects of her creation. Every family
-is a dominion. The father is a king, and
-the mother a queen, and the children their subjects.
-The same laws govern a family as a
-kingdom. Judicious penalties follow disobedience,
-and a good mother imbues the heart
-and mind of her offspring with humanity and
-wisdom that govern the world. And over all
-presides a Being of beneficence and ubiquity,
-who wields the destinies of a Universe. Woman,
-under God, is the source of all that cheers
-and ennobles man in his weary pilgrimage
-from the cradle to the grave, and to her sympathies
-am I greatly indebted for my recent
-liberation from captivity and the partial resurrection
-of my declining fortunes. God bless
-her, then, and in my sacred orisons and soliloquies,
-on land or ocean, I will ever cherish her
-with those grateful emotions that I inherited
-from the genial heart of my departed mother.</p>
-
-<div class='footnote' id='f1'>
-<p class='c008'><a href='#r1'>1</a>. If the <span class='sc'>Alligator</span> dies, advance subscriptions will immediately
-be returned to my generous patrons, with my fervent wishes for
-their prosperity.</p>
-</div>
-
-<div class='figcenter id002'>
-<img src='images/curlyline.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' />
-</div>
-
-<p class='c006'><span class='sc'>William Macrae</span> is the only person authorised
-to collect subscriptions for the “<cite>Alligator</cite>.”
-And here is his likeness, that when he
-calls to solicit subscribers, all may know him by
-a comparison of this accurate engraving with
-his living face. My Office is at No. 114 Nassau
-street, second story, front room, where advance
-subscriptions will also be most gratefully received.</p>
-
-<div class='c011'><span class='sc'>Stephen H. Branch.</span></div>
-
-<div class='figcenter id003'>
-<img src='images/williammacrae.jpg' alt='William Macrae' class='ig001' />
-</div>
-
-<div class='double'>
-
-</div>
-
-<p class='c006'>The tomb of Franklin—if a palm flag-stone with the earth can
-be so called—is concealed from the public view by a venerable
-brick wall at the corner of Fifth and Mulberry streets, Philadelphia.
-The remains of the lightning philosopher are deposited
-there in the old burial ground belonging to Christ Church. An
-appropriate monument has been accidentally reared above them,
-in the shape of a telegraphic post, and the lightning is at constant
-play over, if not under the eye of the man who first chained it
-to the earth.</p>
-
-<div class='chapter'>
- <span class='pageno' id='Page_3'>3</span>
- <h2 id='pupil' class='c005'>Stephen and his Adult Pupil.</h2>
-</div>
-
-<h3 class='c012'>THE FIRST LESSON.</h3>
-
-<p class='c013'><i>Stephen.</i>—What do you first wish to learn?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Pupil.</i>—I desire first to review my figures.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—How far have you cyphered?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—I went through the book several times, when I was a boy.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Whose Arithmetic did you study?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Mr. Dollbay’s.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Daboll’s, I suppose, you mean.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Ah, yes, it was Daboll’s; and I remember him very well.
-He was a fine man, and understood figures very well.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Then you went through his book several times?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—O yes, I can take my oath of that.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—How much is twice nothing?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—That is two, of course.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—How much is nothing times two?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—That is two.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—How much is one-half times one?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—One.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—How much is four and a-half times four and a-half?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i> (scratching his head)—That must be about thirteen.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—How much is three-quarters times five-eights?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—I never saw that in Daboll, and to be candid, Mr. Branch, I
-have long been accustomed to rush of blood to the head, and I
-had a slight rush just now, and I guess I won’t go any farther in
-figures to-day; but I would like to renew my Grammar studies.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Very well: whose Grammar did you study in boyhood?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Mr. Murphy’s.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—I presume you mean Lindley Murray’s?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Ah, yes, it was Murray’s, and he once dined at my father’s.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—As it is absolutely essential to understand spelling, before
-Grammar, I will first examine you in a few words, before we embark
-in Grammar. Can you spell well, sir?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Yes; and I hope you don’t mean to insult me with such a
-question.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Certainly not. Spell Grammar?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Gramer.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—No.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Gramar.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—No.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—How do yau spell it, then?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Grammar.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—That’s the way I spelt it.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—No, sir.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—If I didd’t, I intended to.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—That may be. Spell sloop?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Slupe.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—No.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—That’s the way old Captain Tallman spelt it, when I was a
-boy.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—It is spelt sloop in these days.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Ah, yes, that’s correct, I remember.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Spell dough?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Doe.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—No.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—My grandmother used to spell it so.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—It is spelt dough.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Spell God?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Gorde.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—No.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i> (is silent for some seconds, and grows pale, and sweats profusely)—Merciful
-Heaven! And do you say Gorde is incorrect?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—I do. It is spelt God.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Ah, yes, I was mistaken. That’s the way I have always
-spelt it.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Spell scholar?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Skoller.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—No.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Skollar.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—No.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—That’s the way I always spelt it, and I’ll bet a dollar that’s
-the way to spell it.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—That’s a bet.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—How shall we decide it?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Have you got a dictionary?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Yes. (Examines it.) Well, I declare, you have won the dollar.
-What a curious way to spell scholar, to put <em>ch</em> for <em>k</em>. Mr.
-Branch: who invented language?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—The Egyptians.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—What old fools they must have been?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Those Egyptians who discovered the alphabet, were the
-wisest linguists of the human race. And those Arabians who discovered
-the digits, were the profoundest mathematicians. And,
-as you can neither spell nor cypher well, I advise you to defer your
-arithmetic and grammar lessons until you learn orthography.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—I don’t know what you mean by linguist, nor by digits.
-And what on earth do you mean by orthography?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Orthography means spelling.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Ah, yes, I thought that was it. Now, Mr. Branch, I am in
-public life, as you know, and I am very anxious to make a good
-speech and write a good letter; and, in order to do that, I must
-understand Grammar. And I think I can spell well enough to
-study Grammar, Mr. Branch. You have only examined me in a
-few words, and because I slightly broke down on them, you must
-not suppose that I can’t spell well enough to study Grammar.
-Just try me in a few more words.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Spell alderman?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Oldermon.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—No.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Olldermone.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—No.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—How, then?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Alderman.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Ah, yes. That’s the way I was just agoing to spell it.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Spell Common Council?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Komon Kounsil.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—No, sir. It is spelt Common Council.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Is it possible?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Yes. And now spell municipal?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Dam if I don’t give that up; for, although I have been a
-member of the municiple government, I nover could spell that
-awful word without looking at the dictionary two or three times;
-and it always took me a mighty long time to find municiple, even
-in the dictionary. Now, do try me on some easier word than that,—won’t
-you, Mr. Branch?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Spell Mayor?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Mare.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—No.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—How, then?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Mayor.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Ah, yes,—I forgot. That’s it exactly.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Spell contracts?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—I can spell that fast enough. Kontrax.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—No.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Kontracks.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—No. It is spelt contracts.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—I begin to think my memory is getting bad, for I once could
-spell all these words. And I have had so many contracts from the
-Corporation, and have written that word so often, that I am sure
-I used to spell it correctly. Now give me one more easy word,
-and if I break down, dam if I don’t surrender.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Spell Cable?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—I have got a few shares in that precious stock, and I’ll bet $5
-I can spell it correctly.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Done.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Kabell.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—No. It is spelt cable.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—There’s a V. And now, although I have spelt several words
-incorrectly, yet, as I am growing old, I desire to learn as fast as
-possible; and I want you to give me grammar lessons and teach
-me spelling at the same time. And if you will learn me very fast,
-I will let you have one share in the Atlantic Cable, for your instructions.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—I would rather have the cash, as I cannot believe that a cord
-about the circumference of my thumb can permanently connect
-the hemispheres.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Very well, sir. I have perfect confidence in the Cable enterprise,
-and I don’t care about parting with my stock. So I will
-pay you in cash for your tuition. Now please give me a lesson in
-grammar.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Well, I will strive to gratify you,—although I again assure
-you, that orthography is the basis of grammar, and we shall encounter
-ruinous obstacles in the construction of the grammatical
-pyramid, in the absence of orthography and orthœpy.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—For the land’s sake, what is the meaning of the last word?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Orthœpy means pronunciation.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—How queer your jaw opens and closes, when you pronounce
-that strange word.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—I suppose so. I will now give you the first lesson in grammar.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Let me first take a good stiff horn of brandy to brace my
-nerves. (Drinks.) Now, sir, I am ready for Grammar, which, I
-repeat, I studied when a boy; and I only desire to review what I
-know already.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—How many parts of speech are there?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—What do you mean by that?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—I mean, into how many parts of speech is language divided?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Well, by golly, I don’t know exactly,—but, from the immense
-number of words in the Bible, and in all the books at the
-Harpers, and in the Historical Society, and in all the newspapers,
-I should think there must be, at the lowest calculation, about five
-hundred million parts of speech.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—There are only nine parts of speech.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—I begin to think you are crazy; for, do you think you can
-humbug me by saying that there are only nine different words, or
-parts of speech, in the English language? I shall consider it to
-be my duty to have you put in the Lunatic Asylum, if you talk in
-that way.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—I still assert that there are only nine parts of speech, which
-are: a noun, article, adjective, pronoun, verb, adverb, preposition,
-conjunction, and interjection.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Ah, yes, I recollect.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Well, what part of speech is iron?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—As near as I can recollect, iron is the seventh, and it may
-possibly be the ninth part of speech.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—No, sir,—it is one of the nine parts of speech I just mentioned.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Ah, yes, excuse me,—I understand. Well, iron must be a
-conjunction, because it can be heated and spliced.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—Iron is a noun.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Ah, yes, I recollect perfectly well that iron is a noun, and I
-am surprised that I did not remember it, as I have long dealt in
-fron, and know all about it.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>S.</i>—That will do for to-day, and I will resume your grammar lessons
-to-morrow. Good day, sir.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>P.</i>—Good day. I am much pleased wite my progress in grammar,
-and I will see you again to-morrow with much pleasure.
-Good day, sir.</p>
-
-<div class='c011'>[<i>Exeunt</i>,</div>
-
-<div class='chapter'>
- <h2 id='scene' class='c005'>Stephen H. Branch, in his Cell at Blackwell’s Island—A Mournful Scene.</h2>
-</div>
-
-<div class='nf-center-c0'>
-<div class='nf-center c014'>
- <div><i>A lovely Family, at the iron door, peeping through its small perforations.</i></div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>The Father.</i>—What is your name, sir?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Stephen.</i>—My name is Branch.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Father.</i>—For what are you confined?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Stephen.</i>—For an alleged libel.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Father.</i>—On whom?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Stephen.</i>—On Mayor Daniel F. Tiemann, Simeon Draper, and
-Isaac Bell, Jr.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Father.</i>—What is the period of your imprisonment?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Stephen.</i>—One year. I think I have seen you before. What
-is your name, sir?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Father.</i>—H——d.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Stephen.</i>—Where do you reside?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Father.</i>—In Charleston, South Carolina.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Stephen.</i>—Ah! The dearest associations of my life are connected
-with two students bearing your name, who were from
-Charleston.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Father.</i>—My wife and children: I think the keeper has directed
-us to the Lunatic Asylum, instead of the abode of convicts. Let
-us go and ask the keeper to show us to the prison.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Stephen.</i>—Stop, sir. I now most positively discern the relics of
-your early features. Were you a student at Cambridge in 1835?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Father.</i>—I was.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Stephen.</i>—And your brother also, who was rescued from a
-watery grave in Boston Harbor?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Father</i> (<i>leans against the iron door, and his frame trembles,
-and his face assumes a deathly palor</i>).—God of Heaven! And
-are you the son of Judge Stephen Branch, of Providence, Rhode
-Island?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Stephen.</i>—I am, sir.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Father</i> (<i>wiping sweat from his forehead and tears from his
-cheeks</i>).—Dear Stephen: Give me your hand, after our long separation.
-Alas! my poor brother is dead, whose life you saved in
-that dreadful squall, in Boston Harbor, twenty-three years ago.
-(<i>All weep, and his eldest daughter sobs aloud.</i>)</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Stephen.</i>—Where and when did your noble brother die?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Father.</i>—In Switzerland, ten years since; and in his last days
-he spoke most kindly of you.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>His Wife</i> (<i>in profuse tears</i>).—Have you a wife, Mr. Branch?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Stephen.</i>—Neither wife, nor child, nor parents, nor hardly a
-relative on earth. And I am glad they have gone down to their
-happy graves. And I almost wish that I was reposing by their
-side. The earth is no place for me, nor for those who expose the
-licentious officials and plundering monsters of this age, who allure
-spotless females into the horrors of prostitution, and drive the
-friendless masses into cellars and attics and crowded and pestilential
-habitations, and into the inclement atmosphere.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Wife.</i>—But why rejoice over the eternal departure of nearly all
-your kindred?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Stephen.</i>—Because it would have blighted their health and fondest
-hopes to have beheld me in a felon’s dungeon.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Wife.</i>—But you have committed no crime?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Stephen.</i>—I could not do that. And I am in prison, because I
-have exposed the crimes, and resisted the gilded bribes of official
-plunderers for a dozen years, and utterly refused to join them in
-their various deeds of infamy. I could have been affluent, and
-had my liberty, if I had joined the public thieves, and shared their
-plunder. And if my parents were alive, although they would rejoice
-at my exposure of vicious public men, yet they would weep
-over the cruelty of those who consigned me to this dungeon, without
-an honorable trial, and rudely thrust me into the chain-gang
-of the quarries, and even yearn for my life.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Wife.</i>—Yours seems a hard fate?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Stephen.</i>—Yes; mine is indeed a mournful destiny.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Her Eldest Daughter</i> (<i>whose lovely eyes gleam with tears</i>).—I
-weep over your misfortunes. I have often heard my dear uncle,
-whose life you saved at the peril of your own, speak of you in
-tones of deep affection, and here is a diamond breastpin he gave
-me in Switzerland, on the Lake of Geneva, on a tranquil moonlight
-evening, only ten days before his soul’s departure for the
-spirit realms. Take it, dear Mr. Branch, and keep it in remembrance
-of his affectionate niece. To no other being would I present
-a sacred gift of my departed uncle.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Stephen</i> (<i>with overwhelming emotion</i>).—Please accept my profoundest
-gratitude for your precious donation, which I will wear
-near a heart that dearly loved your departed uncle, with whom I
-passed some of the happiest hours of my life.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>The Youngest Daughter</i> (<i>who is about ten years old</i>).—Dear
-Mr. Branch: Will you take this sweet rose from me, and let me
-kiss you through the grate?</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Stephen.</i>—O God! This is too much for my poor nerves. (<i>I
-shed copious tears, and all weep.</i>) Yes, my pretty little girl, you
-can kiss me through the grate. (<i>And her father holds her up,
-and I place my pale, and cold, and haggard cheek to a perforation
-of my cell door, and this affectionate little girl imprints a
-fervent kiss, which I cordially reciprocate.</i>)</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Father.</i>—God has blessed me with great prosperity, and I will
-devote my fortune to your restoration to liberty.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Stephen.</i>—Mr. Ashmead, my able and faithful Counsel, assures
-me that I will soon emerge from prison, through the Supreme Judiciary.
-I most sincerely thank you for your extraordinary generosity,
-and for the visit of yourself and wife, and daughters, whom
-I will cherish all my days.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Father.</i>—When you obtain your liberty, you must come to
-Charleston, where you will be received with our warmest hospitality.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Wife.</i>—If you come, you shall never leave us.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Eldest Daughter.</i>—You shall have the vacant seat of my uncle
-at our table.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><span class='pageno' id='Page_4'>4</span><i>Youngest Daughter.</i>—Yes; and I will kiss you again—won’t I
-mother?—when you come to Charleston.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Mother.</i>—Yes, my dear child; and you shall give him the sweetest
-rose in our garden.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Youngest Daughter.</i>—That I will, and pretty flowers, too.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Father.</i>—Good by, Mr. Branch. (<i>Strives to get his hand
-through the perforated door, but can clasp my fingers with but
-two of his.</i>) Good by, sir—good by.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Wife.</i>—Good by, Mr. Branch. I hope you will be restored to
-freedom.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Eldest Daughter.</i>—Good by, Mr. Branch. I shall think of you
-with kindness, after I am gone, and I shall yearn to see you at our
-home in Carolina.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Youngest Daughter.</i>—Good by, dear Mr. Branch, and I want
-you to give me another kiss before I go. (<i>I kiss her, and receive
-many in return.</i>) Good by, and you must not forget to come to
-Charleston, when these bad men let you out of prison. Good by,
-dear Mr. Branch, and I hope you will not be lonely and cry much
-after we have gone far away from you. Good by, Mr. Branch.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'><i>Stephen.</i>—Farewell, kind friends, and may God ever bless you
-for your noble sympathy. (<i>All go, and I prostrate myself on my
-cot, and am in prayers and tears long after their mournful departure.</i>)</p>
-
-<div class='figcenter id002'>
-<img src='images/curlyline.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' />
-</div>
-
-<p class='c006'>I cut these lines from a newspaper when I
-was a boy. I think they bore the Christian
-name of a lady. I am no poet, and do not
-know their merit. Perhaps Bryant or Prentrice
-can discern their beauties. Let pure and
-pensive and wild enthusiasts scan them for
-congenial spirits, and I think they will preserve
-these curious meditations which have been in my
-scrap-book since I was a pale youth, with my
-classic satchel, in the schools of Rhode Island.
-Those editors who copy these lines must not
-credit them to <span class='sc'>Stephen H. Branch</span>, but they
-should say that they came from the jaws of his
-<span class='sc'>Alligator</span>, as their author is unknown, and as
-that Animal introduces them to the public for
-the first time in thirty years:</p>
-
-<h3 class='c012'>MIDNIGHT MEDITATIONS.</h3>
-
-<div class='lg-container-b c000'>
- <div class='linegroup'>
- <div class='group'>
- <div class='line in2'>Earth lies dumb before me, and the shadows</div>
- <div class='line'>Of midnight cast their dim forms athwart it.</div>
- <div class='line'>Quiet is brooding o’er a silent world,</div>
- <div class='line'>And the soft hush of slumber seals each lid.</div>
- <div class='line'>Night is too fair for sleep: with me thought wakes</div>
- <div class='line'>And treads in distant paths, where human step</div>
- <div class='line'>Ne’er left an echo on the vacant air.</div>
- <div class='line'>The gorgeous canopy of heaven is wrapped</div>
- <div class='line'>In silvery haze: Gems of uncounted wealth</div>
- <div class='line'>Bestud the lofty concave; and the bright</div>
- <div class='line'>Moon seems rolling like a silvery ball</div>
- <div class='line'>Across the trackless æther, mantling the earth</div>
- <div class='line'>In glory;—while her mellowed light</div>
- <div class='line'>Falls on my spirit with a holy calm, like that</div>
- <div class='line'>Of heaven. Tell us—why are we chained to earth?</div>
- <div class='line'>’Tis far too gross for the immortal mind,</div>
- <div class='line'>Which yearns for higher realms, and pants in vain</div>
- <div class='line'>For the full measure of perfection. Oh!</div>
- <div class='line'>I have gazed upon night’s starry volume,</div>
- <div class='line'>Till I have read long lessons of delight,</div>
- <div class='line'>And drank the raptures of another world.</div>
- <div class='line'>Thought, living thought, burns to embrace the whole</div>
- <div class='line'>Of those deep mysteries eternity</div>
- <div class='line'>Conceals from mortal understanding; and</div>
- <div class='line'>The mind speaks out, and questions every beam</div>
- <div class='line'>Which falls from the bright reservoir of heaven—</div>
- <div class='line'>Interrogates each plant and breathing thing—</div>
- <div class='line'>Retires within itself, and calls up every</div>
- <div class='line'>Faculty—sends powerful fancy forth to</div>
- <div class='line'>Search through untrod regions, but spends its pow’rs</div>
- <div class='line'>Unsatisfied, till it sinks down at last</div>
- <div class='line'>Exhausted by its own intensity.</div>
- </div>
- <div class='group'>
- <div class='line in2'>O for a walk among those stars of light,</div>
- <div class='line'>Where grandeur fills immensity! I long</div>
- <div class='line'>To fling my soul upon the pinions of</div>
- <div class='line'>Eternity, and revel in the blaze</div>
- <div class='line'>Of glory unrevealed—to gaze upon</div>
- <div class='line'>The light that emanates from God’s vast throne,</div>
- <div class='line'>And hear the music of the rolling spheres</div>
- <div class='line'>As they revolve in mystic circles round</div>
- <div class='line'>The deep centre of unknown attraction.</div>
- <div class='line'>Spirits of heaven are hov’ring round me,</div>
- <div class='line'>And breathe sweet songs of rapture in my ear.</div>
- <div class='line'>The rustle of their wings is like the sigh</div>
- <div class='line'>Of leaves, when the soft zephyr moves among</div>
- <div class='line'>Their quiv’ring branches. Their hallowed voices</div>
- <div class='line'>Wake the eternity within me, and warm</div>
- <div class='line'>Aspirations rise from my heart’s altar</div>
- <div class='line'>To the great throne of Uncreated Power,</div>
- <div class='line'>The wings of seraphim seem wafting me</div>
- <div class='line'>In thought far through the bright and boundless ether.</div>
- <div class='line'>O for the freedom of unbodied life!</div>
- <div class='line'>To rove where thought ne’er ventured—where fancy</div>
- <div class='line'>Halts, her swift wing wearied in its lofty flight.</div>
- </div>
- <div class='group'>
- <div class='line in2'>I gaze upon the stars, and drink the full</div>
- <div class='line'>Glory of the midnight heavens—and breathe</div>
- <div class='line'>The breath of spiritual existence</div>
- <div class='line'>Till my soul beats, like a captive bird,</div>
- <div class='line'>Against its prison grates, and longs to soar away, and mix</div>
- <div class='line'>With immortality.</div>
- </div>
- <div class='group'>
- <div class='line in18'>Are not the stars</div>
- <div class='line'>Immortal? Do they not live forever</div>
- <div class='line'>In a joy of light? Have they not looked down</div>
- <div class='line'>From age to age upon this distant world</div>
- <div class='line'>And watched its evolutions? Viewed its face</div>
- <div class='line'>Change beneath the whelming flood—its cities</div>
- <div class='line'>Sink beneath the earthquake’s shock—its mountains</div>
- <div class='line'>Belch destruction—its boasted empires fall—</div>
- <div class='line'>Its armies crushed in battle—its proud kings</div>
- <div class='line'>Fade from earth—its ancient monumental</div>
- <div class='line'>Grandeur crumble into dust? Yet they roll on,</div>
- <div class='line'>Creatures of life, a beaming essence,</div>
- <div class='line'>A mysterious throng of heavenly</div>
- <div class='line'>Pageantry. But is there not a region</div>
- <div class='line'>Far above that envious height; above</div>
- <div class='line'>The stars; where beings live forever, and</div>
- <div class='line'>No darkness comes; where light exists for ages,</div>
- <div class='line'>Unborrowed from the sun; where storms dim not</div>
- <div class='line'>Its brightness? and where rapture never dies?</div>
- <div class='line'>Yes, far above the sky-bound ceiling, there</div>
- <div class='line'>Is light—eternal light—joy unsubdued,</div>
- <div class='line'>And everlasting life!</div>
- </div>
- <div class='group'>
- <div class='line in22'>Is there such a</div>
- <div class='line'>Thing as sin? I feel it not. This is a</div>
- <div class='line'>Holy hour. Nothing exists to me but</div>
- <div class='line'>Heaven, and heaven’s pure habitants; all worldly</div>
- <div class='line'>Thoughts are drowned in high communing. Is there</div>
- <div class='line'>Such a thing as pain? I know it not, who</div>
- <div class='line'>Oft have known it. Heaven’s high-wrought happiness</div>
- <div class='line'>Is mine. This is a peaceful hour, and I</div>
- <div class='line'>Could deem myself already entered on</div>
- <div class='line'>Immortal ground, did not this clog of clay</div>
- <div class='line'>Assure me I am yet of earth, and have,</div>
- <div class='line'>Perchance, long years of pain, and wo, and sin</div>
- <div class='line'>To witness, and the dark vale of death is</div>
- <div class='line'>Yet unpassed by me, though ever near. Well,</div>
- <div class='line'>If it must be so, welcome the hour that</div>
- <div class='line'>Breaks these mortal shackles, and lets loose my</div>
- <div class='line'>Spirit on the wings of life, to find its</div>
- <div class='line'>Native element and long sought home, if</div>
- <div class='line'>Heaven at last be mine. Congenial spirits</div>
- <div class='line'>Of unknown existence! would that your forms</div>
- <div class='line'>Could be perceived by mortal eyes, that I</div>
- <div class='line'>Might hold sweet converse with you, and forget</div>
- <div class='line'>That I am mortal.</div>
- </div>
- <div class='group'>
- <div class='line in18'>Oh! there is that</div>
- <div class='line'>Within, which tells me I was destined for</div>
- <div class='line'>A higher sphere; that heaven was made for me;</div>
- <div class='line'>For <em>all</em>—if we accept the gift, and mount</div>
- <div class='line'>Faith’s ladder, as the word of life directs</div>
- <div class='line'>This life is not our destiny; ’tis but</div>
- <div class='line'>A prelude to a state eternal, a</div>
- <div class='line'>Mere beginning of existence, when once</div>
- <div class='line'>Begun, that ne’er shall cease to be. Life! Life!</div>
- <div class='line'>What art thou <em>now</em>—what art thou doomed to be?</div>
- <div class='line'>A shade; a substance; dream; reality;</div>
- <div class='line'>A blessing or a curse; a moment here;</div>
- <div class='line'>Hereafter an eternity! Dread thought,</div>
- <div class='line'>Eternity! Eternity! My soul</div>
- <div class='line'>Is lost in that vast subject, and I shrink</div>
- <div class='line'>Appalled from the unmeasured time to come.</div>
- <div class='line'>No more I ask to know its hidden space;</div>
- <div class='line'>’Twill soon unfold to me, and I shall dwell</div>
- <div class='line'>Forever in its changeless realm; no more</div>
- <div class='line'>To feel emotions known on earth, or think</div>
- <div class='line'>As now I think, or live as now I live;</div>
- <div class='line'>’Till then, “the mysteries of fate are hid,”</div>
- <div class='line'>And all lie buried in a world to come.</div>
- </div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<div class='double'>
-
-</div>
-<p class='c008'><a id='ads'></a></p>
-<p class='drop-capa0_0_0_4 c015'>A LADY M. D. OCCULIST AND AURIST RESTORES
-to Sight from Blindness, Amaurosis, Granulated Eye Lids
-and Weak and Sore Eyes of any standing; opening Tear Glands,
-removing Cataracts, Scums, Films, Ulcers, Tumors, Cancer &amp;c.,
-without operation or pain. Persons wearing spectacles permaturely,
-enabled to do without them by recovering the natural
-tone of the eye. Those of the aged strengthened and restored to
-the natural form or convexity. Worst of cases treated successfully,
-as seen at the Infirmary, from 12 M to 2 P. M., on Mondays,
-Wednesdays and Fridays.</p>
-
-<div class='nf-center-c0'>
- <div class='nf-center'>
- <div>NO. 656 SIXTH AVENUE, NEW YORK,</div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<div class='c011'>(<span class='sc'>First Floor, Rooms Nos. 1, 2 &amp; 3</span>)</div>
-
-<p class='c008'>Abundant personal references given that her remedies are harmless,
-and her cures performed without operation or the slightest
-pain.</p>
-
-<hr class='c016' />
-
-<p class='drop-capa0_0_0_4 c015'>THE FINEST ILLUSTRATED WORK EVER ISSUED—cost
-$12,000. Price $2.50.</p>
-
-<p class='c007'>THE LIFE, TRAVELS AND ADVENTURES OF FERDINAND
-DE SOTO, DISCOVERER OF THE MISSISSIPPI.
-1 vol., 556 pages octavo 30 superb Steel and Wood Engravings,
-Printed on fine paper and bound elegantly. One of these superb
-Steel Plates is photographed of the $10,000 painting ordered by
-Congress, worth the price of the book.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'>This book is indispensable to every library. Pronounced by
-The New York Herald to be “the most interesting book in the
-English language.” 10,000 Agents wanted to canvass for this
-work, to whom we will give a district not already taken.</p>
-
-<p class='c008'>Sent by mail free of postage on receipt of the money. Postmasters
-are allowed 30 per cent on all subscribers they send us—Address</p>
-
-<div class='c011'>JAMES T. LLOYD, Publisher, Philadelphia, Penn.</div>
-
-<div class='double'>
-
-</div>
-
-<div class='nf-center-c0'>
-<div class='nf-center c014'>
- <div><span class='xlarge'>FALL ELECTION.</span></div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<table class='table1' summary=''>
-<colgroup>
-<col width='97%' />
-<col width='2%' />
-</colgroup>
- <tr>
- <td class='c017'><span class='sc'>State of New-York</span>,</td>
- <td class='c018'>}</td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class='c017'><span class='sc'>Office of the Secretary of State</span>,</td>
- <td class='c018'>}</td>
- </tr>
- <tr>
- <td class='c019'><span class='sc'>Albany</span>, August 2, 1858.</td>
- <td class='c018'>}</td>
- </tr>
-</table>
-
-<p class='c020'><i>To the Sheriff of the County of New York</i>:</p>
-
-<p class='drop-capa0_0_0_4 c021'>SIR—NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN, THAT AT THE GENERAL
-Election to be held in this State on the Tuesday succeeding
-the first Monday in November next, the following officers are
-to be elected, to wit:</p>
-
-<p class='c022'><span class='sc'>A Governor</span>, in the place of John A. King;</p>
-
-<p class='c022'><span class='sc'>A Lieutenant Governor</span>, in the place of Henry R. Selden;</p>
-
-<p class='c022'><span class='sc'>A Canal Commissioner</span>, in the place of Samuel B. Ruggles, appointed
-in place of Samuel S. Whallon, deceased;</p>
-
-<p class='c022'><span class='sc'>An Inspector of State Prisons</span>, in the place of William A.
-Russell;</p>
-
-<p class='c022'>All whose terms of office will expire on the last day of December
-next.</p>
-
-<p class='c022'><span class='sc'>A Representative</span> in the Thirty-sixth Congress of the United
-States, for the Third Congressional District, composed of the
-First, Second, Third, Fifth and Eighth Wards in the city of New
-York;</p>
-
-<p class='c022'><span class='sc'>A Representative</span> in the Thirty-sixth Congress of the United
-States, for the Fourth Congressional District, composed of the
-Fourth, Sixth, Tenth and Fourteenth Wards in the city of New
-York;</p>
-
-<p class='c022'><span class='sc'>A Representative</span> in the Thirty-sixth Congress of the United
-States, for the Fifth Congressional District, composed of the Seventh
-and Thirteenth Wards of the city of New York, and the
-Thirteenth, Fourteenth, Fifteenth and Sixteenth Wards of Brooklyn;</p>
-
-<p class='c022'><span class='sc'>A Representative</span> in the Thirty-sixth Congress of the United
-States, for the Sixth Congressional District, composed of the
-Eleventh, Fifteenth and Seventeenth Wards in the City of New
-York;</p>
-
-<p class='c022'><span class='sc'>A Representative</span> in the Thirty-sixth Congress of the United
-States, for the Seventh Congressional District, composed of the
-Ninth, Sixteenth, and Twentieth Wards in the City of New
-York;</p>
-
-<p class='c022'>And also, a <span class='sc'>Representative</span> in the Thirty-sixth Congress of the
-United States for the Eighth Congressional District, composed of
-the Twelfth, Eighteenth, Nineteenth, Twenty-first, and Twenty-second
-Wards in the City of New York.</p>
-
-<div class='nf-center-c0'>
-<div class='nf-center c023'>
- <div>COUNTY OFFICERS ALSO TO BE ELECTED FOR SAID COUNTY.</div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<p class='c022'><span class='sc'>Seventeen Members of Assembly</span>;</p>
-
-<p class='c022'><span class='sc'>A Sheriff</span>, in the place of James C. Willett;</p>
-
-<p class='c022'><span class='sc'>A County Clerk</span>, in the place of Richard B. Connolly;</p>
-
-<p class='c022'><span class='sc'>Four Coroners</span>, in the place of Frederick W. Perry, Edward
-Connery, Robert Gamble and Samuel C. Hills;</p>
-
-<p class='c022'>All whose terms of office will expire on the last day of December
-next.</p>
-
-<p class='c022'>The attention of Inspectors of Election and County Canvassers
-is directed to Chapter 320 of Laws of 1858, a copy of which is
-printed, for instructions in regard to their duties under said law,
-“submitting the question of calling a Convention to revise the
-Constitution and amend the same to the people of the State.”</p>
-
-<div class='nf-center-c0'>
-<div class='nf-center c023'>
- <div><span class='sc'>Chap. 320.</span></div>
- </div>
-</div>
-
-<p class='c024'>AN ACT to submit the question of calling a Convention to revise
-the Constitution and amend the same, to the People of the
-State:</p>
-
-<p class='c022'>Passed April 17, 1858—three-fifths being present.</p>
-
-<p class='c024'><i>The People of the State of New York, represented in Senate
-and Assembly, do enact as follows</i>:</p>
-
-<p class='c022'><span class='sc'>Section 1.</span> The Inspectors of Election in each town, ward, and
-election district in this State, at the annual election to be held in
-November next, shall provide a proper box to receive the ballots
-of the citizens of this State entitled to vote for members of the
-Legislature at such election. On such ballot shall be written or
-printed, or partly written and printed, by those voters who are in
-favor of a Convention, the words: “Shall there be a Convention
-to Revise the Constitution and amend the same? Yes.” And by
-those voters who are opposed thereto, the words: “Shall there be
-a Convention to Revise the Constitution and amend the same?
-No.” And all citizens entitled to vote as aforesaid shall be allowed
-to vote by ballot as aforesaid, in the election district in which
-he resides, and not elsewhere.</p>
-
-<p class='c022'>§2. So much of the articles one, two and three, of title four, of
-chapter one hundred and thirty, of an act entitled “An act respecting
-elections other than for militia and town officer,” passed
-April fifth, eighteen hundred and forty-two, and the acts amending
-the same, as regulates the manner of conducting elections and
-challenges oaths to be administered, and inquiries to be made, of
-persons offering to vote, shall be deemed applicable to the votes to
-be given or offered under the act; and the manner of voting and
-challenges, and the penalties for false swearing, prescribed by law,
-are hereby declared in full force and effect in voting or offering to
-vote under this act.</p>
-
-<p class='c022'>§3. The said votes given for and against a convention, in pursuance
-of this act, shall be canvassed by the Inspectors of the several
-election districts or polls of the said election in the manner prescribed
-by law, and as provided in article four, of title four, of
-chapter one hundred and thirty of the said act, passed April fifth,
-eighteen hundred and forty-two, and the acts amending the same,
-as far as the same are applicable; and such canvass shall be completed
-by ascertaining the whole number of votes given in each
-election district or poll for a convention, and the whole number of
-votes given against such convention, in the form aforesaid; and
-the result being found, the inspectors shall make a statement in
-words, at full length, of the number of ballots received in relation
-to such convention, and shall also state in words, at full length,
-the whole number of ballots having thereon the words, “Shall
-there be a Convention to revise the Constitution and amend the
-same? No.” Such statements as aforesaid shall contain a caption,
-stating the day on which, and the number of the district, the
-town or ward, and the county at which the election was held, and
-at the end thereof a certificate that such statement is correct in all
-respects, which certificate shall be subscribed by all the inspectors,
-and a true copy of such statement shall be immediately filed by
-them in the office of the clerk of the town or city.</p>
-
-<p class='c022'>§4. The original statements, duly certified as aforesaid, shall be
-delivered by the inspectors, or one of them to be deputed for that
-purpose, to the supervisor, or, in case there be no supervisor, or
-he shall be disabled from attending the board of canvassers, then
-to one of the assessors of the town or ward, within twenty-four
-hours after the same shall have been subscribed by such inspectors,
-to be disposed of as other statements at such election, are
-now required by law.</p>
-
-<p class='c022'>§5. So much of articles first, second, third, and fourth, of title
-fifth, of chapter one hundred and thirty, of the act entitled, “An
-act respecting elections other than for militia and town officers,”
-and the acts amending the same, as regulates the duties of County
-Canvassers and their proceedings, and the duty of County
-Clerks, and the Secretary of State, and the Board of State Canvassers,
-shall be applied to the canvassing and ascertaining the
-will of the people of this State in relation to the proposed convention;
-and if it shall appear that a majority of the votes or
-ballots given in and returned as aforesaid are against a convention,
-then the said canvassers are required to certify and declare
-that fact by a certificate, subscribed by them, and filed with the
-Secretary of State; but if it shall appear by the said canvass that
-a majority of the ballots or votes given as aforesaid are for a convention,
-then they shall by like certificates, to be filed as aforesaid,
-declare that fact; and the said Secretary shall communicate
-a copy of such certificate to both branches of the Legislature,
-at the opening of the next session thereof. Yours, respectfully,</p>
-
-<div class='c025'>GIDEON J. TUCKER, Secretary of State.</div>
-<div class='c026'><span class='sc'>Sheriff’s Office</span>, }</div>
-<div class='c026'><span class='sc'>New York</span>, August 4, 1858. }</div>
-
-<p class='c022'>The above is published pursuant to the notice of the Secretary
-of State, and the requirements of the Statute in such case made
-and provided.</p>
-
-</div>
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-<pre>
-
-
-
-
-
-End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Stephen H. Branch's Alligator Vol. 1
-no. 23, September 25, 1858, by Stephen H. Branch
-
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