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diff --git a/old/ge61v10.txt b/old/ge61v10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ec26b2c --- /dev/null +++ b/old/ge61v10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9242 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook Homo Sum, by Georg Ebers, Complete +#61 in our series by Georg Ebers + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the +copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing +this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook. + +This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project +Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**EBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These EBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers***** + + +Title: Homo Sum, Complete + +Author: Georg Ebers + +Release Date: April, 2004 [EBook #5499] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on June 2, 2002] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + + + + + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOMO SUM, BY EBERS, COMPLETE *** + + + +This eBook was produced by David Widger <widger@cecomet.net> + + + +[NOTE: There is a short list of bookmarks, or pointers, at the end of the +file for those who may wish to sample the author's ideas before making an +entire meal of them. D.W.] + + + + + +HOMO SUM + +By Georg Ebers + +Volume 1. + + +Translated by Clara Bell + + + +PREFACE. + +In the course of my labors preparatory to writing a history of the +Sinaitic peninsula, the study of the first centuries of Christianity for +a long time claimed my attention; and in the mass of martyrology, of +ascetic writings, and of histories of saints and monks, which it was +necessary to work through and sift for my strictly limited object, I came +upon a narrative (in Cotelerius Ecclesiae Grecae Monumenta) which seemed +to me peculiar and touching notwithstanding its improbability. Sinai and +the oasis of Pharan which lies at its foot were the scene of action. + +When, in my journey through Arabia Petraea, I saw the caves of the +anchorites of Sinai with my own eyes and trod their soil with my own +feet, that story recurred to my mind and did not cease to haunt me while +I travelled on farther in the desert. + +A soul's problem of the most exceptional type seemed to me to be offered +by the simple course of this little history. + +An anchorite, falsely accused instead of another, takes his punishment +of expulsion on himself without exculpating himself, and his innocence +becomes known only through the confession of the real culprit. + +There was a peculiar fascination in imagining what the emotions of a soul +might be which could lead to such apathy, to such an annihilation of all +sensibility; and while the very deeds and thoughts of the strange cave- +dweller grew more and more vivid in my mind the figure of Paulus took +form, as it were as an example, and soon a crowd of ideas gathered round +it, growing at last to a distinct entity, which excited and urged me on +till I ventured to give it artistic expression in the form of a +narrative. I was prompted to elaborate this subject--which had long been +shaping itself to perfect conception in my mind as ripe material for a +romance--by my readings in Coptic monkish annals, to which I was led +by Abel's Coptic studies; and I afterwards received a further stimulus +from the small but weighty essay by H. Weingarten on the origin of +monasticism, in which I still study the early centuries of Christianity, +especially in Egypt. + +This is not the place in which to indicate the points on which I feel +myself obliged to differ from Weingarten. My acute fellow-laborer at +Breslau clears away much which does not deserve to remain, but in many +parts of his book he seems to me to sweep with too hard a broom. + +Easy as it would have been to lay the date of my story in the beginning +of the fortieth year of the fourth century instead of the thirtieth, I +have forborne from doing so because I feel able to prove with certainty +that at the time which I have chosen there were not only heathen recluses +in the temples of Serapis but also Christian anchorites; I fully agree +with him that the beginnings of organized Christian monasticism can in no +case be dated earlier than the year 350. + +The Paulus of my story must not be confounded with the "first hermit," +Paulus of Thebes, whom Weingarten has with good reason struck out of the +category of historical personages. He, with all the figures in this +narrative is a purely fictitious person, the vehicle for an idea, neither +more nor less. I selected no particular model for my hero, and I claim +for him no attribute but that of his having been possible at the period; +least of all did I think of Saint Anthony, who is now deprived even of +his distinguished biographer Athanasius, and who is represented as a man +of very sound judgment but of so scant an education that he was master +only of Egyptian. + +The dogmatic controversies which were already kindled at the time of my +story I have, on careful consideration, avoided mentioning. The dwellers +on Sinai and in the oasis took an eager part in them at a later date. + +That Mount Sinai to which I desire to transport the reader must not be +confounded with the mountain which lies at a long day's journey to the +south of it. It is this that has borne the name, at any rate since the +time of Justinian; the celebrated convent of the Transfiguration lies at +its foot, and it has been commonly accepted as the Sinai of Scripture. +In the description of my journey through Arabia Petraea I have endeavored +to bring fresh proof of the view, first introduced by Lepsius, that the +giant-mountain, now called Serbal, must be regarded as the mount on which +the law was given--and was indeed so regarded before the time of +Justinian--and not the Sinai of the monks. + +As regards the stone house of the Senator Petrus, with its windows +opening on the street--contrary to eastern custom--I may remark, in +anticipation of well founded doubts, that to this day wonderfully well- +preserved fire-proof walls stand in the oasis of Pharan, the remains of +a pretty large number of similar buildings. + +But these and such external details hold a quite secondary place in this +study of a soul. While in my earlier romances the scholar was compelled +to make concessions to the poet and the poet to the scholar, in this one +I have not attempted to instruct, nor sought to clothe the outcome of my +studies in forms of flesh and blood; I have aimed at absolutely nothing +but to give artistic expression to the vivid realization of an idea that +had deeply stirred my soul. The simple figures whose inmost being I have +endeavored to reveal to the reader fill the canvas of a picture where, in +the dark background, rolls the flowing ocean of the world's history. + +The Latin title was suggested to me by an often used motto which exactly +agrees with the fundamental view to which I have been led by my +meditations on the mind and being of man; even of those men who deem that +they have climbed the very highest steps of that stair which leads into +the Heavens. + +In the Heautontimorumenos of Terence, Chremes answers his neighbor +Menedemus (Act I, SC. I, v. 25) "Homo sum; humani nil a me alienum puto," +which Donner translates literally: + +"I am human, nothing that is human can I regard as alien to me." + +But Cicero and Seneca already used this line as a proverb, and in a sense +which far transcends that which it would seem to convey in context with +the passage whence it is taken; and as I coincide with them, I have +transferred it to the title-page of this book with this meaning: + +"I am a man; and I feel that I am above all else a man." + + Leipzig, November 11, 1877. + + GEORG EBERS. + + + + +HOMO SUM. + + +CHAPTER I. + +Rocks-naked, hard, red-brown rocks all round; not a bush, not a blade, +not a clinging moss such as elsewhere nature has lightly flung on the +rocky surface of the heights, as if a breath of her creative life had +softly touched the barren stone. Nothing but smooth granite, and above +it a sky as bare of cloud as the rocks are of shrubs and herbs. + +And yet in every cave of the mountain wall there moves a human life; two +small grey birds too float softly in the pure, light air of the desert +that glows in the noonday sun, and then they vanish behind a range of +cliffs, which shuts in the deep gorge as though it were a wall built by +man. + +There it is pleasant enough, for a spring bedews the stony soil and +there, as wherever any moisture touches the desert, aromatic plants +thrive, and umbrageous bushes grow. When Osiris embraced the goddess of +the desert--so runs the Egyptian myth--he left his green wreath on her +couch. + +But at the time and in the sphere where our history moves the old legends +are no longer known or are ignored. We must carry the reader back to the +beginning of the thirtieth year of the fourth century after the birth of +the Saviour, and away to the mountains of Sinai on whose sacred ground +solitary anchorites have for some few years been dwelling--men weary of +the world, and vowed to penitence, but as yet without connection or rule +among themselves. + +Near the spring in the little ravine of which we have spoken grows a +many-branched feathery palm, but it does not shelter it from the piercing +rays of the sun of those latitudes; it seems only to protect the roots of +the tree itself; still the feathered boughs are strong enough to support +a small thread-bare blue cloth, which projects like a penthouse, +screening the face of a girl who lies dreaming, stretched at full-length +on the glowing stones, while a few yellowish mountain-goats spring from +stone to stone in search of pasture as gaily as though they found the +midday heat pleasant and exhilarating. From time to time the girl seizes +the herdsman's crook that lies beside her, and calls the goats with a +hissing cry that is audible at a considerable distance. A young kid +comes dancing up to her. Few beasts can give expression to their +feelings of delight; but young goats can. + +The girl puts out her bare slim foot, and playfully pushes back the +little kid who attacks her in fun, pushes it again and again each time it +skips forward, and in so doing the shepherdess bends her toes as +gracefully as if she wished some looker-on to admire their slender form. +Once more the kid springs forward, and this time with its bead down. Its +brow touches the sole of her foot, but as it rubs its little hooked nose +tenderly against the girl's foot, she pushes it back so violently that +the little beast starts away, and ceases its game with loud bleating. + +It was just as if the girl had been waiting for the right moment to hit +the kid sharply; for the kick was a hard one-almost a cruel one. The +blue cloth hid the face of the maiden, but her eyes must surely have +sparkled brightly when she so roughly stopped the game. For a minute she +remained motionless; but the cloth, which had fallen low over her face, +waved gently to and fro, moved by her fluttering breath. She was +listening with eager attention, with passionate expectation; her +convulsively clenched toes betrayed her. + +Then a noise became audible; it came from the direction of the rough +stair of unhewn blocks, which led from the steep wall of the ravine down +to the spring. A shudder of terror passed through the tender, and not +yet fully developed limbs of the shepherdess; still she did not move; the +grey birds which were now sitting on a thorn-bush near her flew up, but +they had merely heard a noise, and could not distinguish who it was that +it announced. + +The shepherdess's ear was sharper than theirs. She heard that a man was +approaching, and well knew that one only trod with such a step. She put +out her hand for a stone that lay near her, and flung it into the spring +so that the waters immediately became troubled; then she turned on her +side, and lay as if asleep with her head on her arm. The heavy steps +became more and more distinctly audible. + +A tall youth was descending the rocky stair; by his dress he was seen to +be one of the anchorites of Sinai, for he wore nothing but a shirt-shaped +garment of coarse linen, which he seemed to have outgrown, and raw +leather sandals, which were tied on to his feet with fibrous palm-bast. + +No slave could be more poorly clothed by his owner and yet no one would +have taken him for a bondman, for he walked erect and self-possessed. He +could not be more than twenty years of age; that was evident in the young +soft hair on his upper lip, chin, and cheeks; but in his large blue eyes +there shone no light of youth, only discontent, and his lips were firmly +closed as if in defiance. + +He now stood still, and pushed back from his forehead the superabundant +and unkempt brown hair that flowed round his head like a lion's mane; +then he approached the well, and as he stooped to draw the water in the +large dried gourd-shell which he held, he observed first that the spring +was muddy, and then perceived the goats, and at last their sleeping +mistress. + +He impatiently set down the vessel and called the girl loudly, but she +did not move till he touched her somewhat roughly with his foot. Then +she sprang up as if stung by an asp, and two eyes as black as night +flashed at him out of her dark young face; the delicate nostrils of her +aquiline nose quivered, and her white teeth gleamed as she cried: + +"Am I a dog that you wake me in this fashion?" He colored, pointed +sullenly to the well and said sharply: "Your cattle have troubled the +water again; I shall have to wait here till it is clear and I can draw +some." + +"The day is long," answered the shepherdess, and while she rose she +pushed, as if by chance, another stone into the water. + +Her triumphant, flashing glance as she looked down into the troubled +spring did not escape the young man, and he exclaimed angrily: + +"He is right! You are a venomous snake--a demon of hell." + +She raised herself and made a face at him, as if she wished to show him +that she really was some horrible fiend; the unusual sharpness of her +mobile and youthful features gave her a particular facility for doing so. +And she fully attained her end, for he drew back with a look of horror, +stretched out his arms to repel her, and exclaimed as he saw her +uncontrollable laughter, + +"Back, demon, back! In the name of the Lord! I ask thee, who art +thou?" + +"I am Miriam--who else should I be?" she answered haughtily. + +He had expected a different reply, her vivacity annoyed him, and he said +angrily, "Whatever your name is you are a fiend, and I will ask Paulus to +forbid you to water your beasts at our well." + +"You might run to your nurse, and complain of me to her if you had one," +she answered, pouting her lips contemptuously at him. + +He colored; she went on boldly, and with eager play of gesture. + +"You ought to be a man, for you are strong and big, but you let yourself +be kept like a child or a miserable girl; your only business is to hunt +for roots and berries, and fetch water in that wretched thing there. I +have learned to do that ever since I was as big as that!" and she +indicated a contemptibly little measure, with the outstretched pointed +fingers of her two hands, which were not less expressively mobile than +her features. "Phoh! you are stronger and taller than all the Amalekite +lads down there, but you never try to measure yourself with them in +shooting with a bow and arrows or in throwing a spear!" + +"If I only dared as much as I wish!" he interrupted, and flaming scarlet +mounted to his face, "I would be a match for ten of those lean rascals." + +"I believe you," replied the girl, and her eager glance measured the +youth's broad breast and muscular arms with an expression of pride. +"I believe you, but why do you not dare? Are you the slave of that man +up there?" + +"He is my father and besides--" + +"What besides?" she cried, waving her hand as if to wave away a bat. +"If no bird ever flew away from the nest there would be a pretty swarm in +it. Look at my kids there--as long as they need their mother they run +about after her, but as soon as they can find their food alone they seek +it wherever they can find it, and I can tell you the yearlings there have +quite forgotten whether they sucked the yellow dam or the brown one. And +what great things does your father do for you?" + +"Silence!" interrupted the youth with excited indignation. "The evil one +speaks through thee. Get thee from me, for I dare not hear that which I +dare not utter." + +"Dare, dare, dare!" she sneered. "What do you dare then? not even to +listen!" + +"At any rate not to what you have to say, you goblin!" he exclaimed +vehemently. "Your voice is hateful to me, and if I meet you again by the +well I will drive you away with stones." + +While he spoke thus she stared speechless at him, the blood had left her +lips, and she clenched her small hands. He was about to pass her to +fetch some water, but she stepped into his path, and held him spell-bound +with the fixed gaze of her eyes. A cold chill ran through him when she +asked him with trembling lips and a smothered voice, "What harm have I +done you?" + +"Leave me!" said he, and he raised his hand to push her away from the +water. + +"You shall not touch me," she cried beside herself. "What harm have I +done you?" + +"You know nothing of God," he answered, "and he who is not of God is of +the Devil." + +"You do not say that of yourself," answered she, and her voice recovered +its tone of light mockery. "What they let you believe pulls the wires of +your tongue just as a hand pulls the strings of a puppet. Who told you +that I was of the Devil?" + +"Why should I conceal it from you?" he answered proudly. "Our pious +Paulus, warned me against you and I will thank him for it. 'The evil +one,' he says, 'looks out of your eyes,' and he is right, a thousand +times right. When you look at me I feel as if I could tread every thing +that is holy under foot; only last night again I dreamed I was whirling +in a dance with you--" + +At these words all gravity and spite vanished from Miriam's eyes; she +clapped her hands and cried, "If it had only been the fact and not a +dream! Only do not be frightened again, you fool! Do you know then what +it is when the pipes sound, and the lutes tinkle, and our feet fly round +in circles as if they had wings?" + +"The wings of Satan," Hermas interrupted sternly. "You are a demon, a +hardened heathen." + +"So says our pious Paulus," laughed the girl. + +"So say I too," cried the young man. "Who ever saw you in the +assemblies of the just? Do you pray? Do you ever praise the Lord and +our Saviour?" + +"And what should I praise them for?" asked Miriam. "Because I am +regarded as a foul fiend by the most pious among you perhaps?" + +"But it is because you are a sinner that Heaven denies you its blessing." + +"No--no, a thousand times no!" cried Miriam. "No god has ever troubled +himself about me. And if I am not good, why should I be when nothing but +evil ever has fallen to my share? Do you know who I am and how I became +so? I was wicked, perhaps, when both my parents were slain in their +pilgrimage hither? Why, I was then no more than six years old, and what +is a child of that age? But still I very well remember that there were +many camels grazing near our house, and horses too that belonged to us, +and that on a hand that often caressed me--it was my mother's hand--a +large jewel shone. I had a black slave too that obeyed me; when she and +I did not agree I used to hang on to her grey woolly hair and beat her. +Who knows what may have become of her? I did not love her, but if I had +her now, how kind I would be to her. And now for twelve years I myself +have eaten the bread of servitude, and have kept Senator Petrus's goats, +and if I ventured to show myself at a festival among the free maidens, +they would turn me out and pull the wreath out of my hair. And am I to +be thankful? What for, I wonder? And pious? What god has taken any +care of me? Call me an evil demon--call me so! But if Petrus and your +Paulus there say that He who is up above us and who let me grow up to +such a lot is good, they tell a lie. God is cruel, and it is just like +Him to put it into your heart to throw stones and scare me away from your +well." + +With these words she burst out into bitter sobs, and her features worked +with various and passionate distortion. + +Hermas felt compassion for the weeping Miriam. He had met her a hundred +times and she had shown herself now haughty, now discontented, now +exacting and now wrathful, but never before soft or sad. To-day, for the +first time, she had opened her heart to him; the tears which disfigured +her countenance gave her character a value which it had never before had +in his eyes, and when he saw her weak and unhappy he felt ashamed of his +hardness. He went up to her kindly and said: "You need not cry; come to +the well again always, I will not prevent you." + +His deep voice sounded soft and kind as he spoke, but she sobbed more +passionately than before, almost convulsively, and she tried to speak but +she could not. Trembling in every slender limb, shaken with grief, and +overwhelmed with sorrow, the slight shepherdess stood before him, and he +felt as if he must help her. His passionate pity cut him to the heart +and fettered his by no means ready tongue. + +As he could find no word of comfort, he took the water-gourd in his left +hand and laid his right, in which he had hitherto held it, gently on her +shoulder. She started, but she let him do it; he felt her warm breath; +he would have drawn back, but he felt as if he could not; he hardly knew +whether she was crying or laughing while she let his hand rest on her +black waving hair. + +She did not move. At last she raised her head, her eyes flashed into +his, and at the same instant he felt two slender arms clasped round his +neck. He felt as if a sea were roaring in his ears, and fire blazing in +his eyes. A nameless anguish seized him; he tore himself violently free, +and with a loud cry as if all the spirits of hell were after him he fled +up the steps that led from the well, and heeded not that his water-jar +was shattered into a thousand pieces against the rocky wall. + +She stood looking after him as if spell-bound. Then she struck her +slender hand against her forehead, threw herself down by the spring again +and stared into space; there she lay motionless, only her mouth continued +to twitch. + +When the shadow of the palm-tree grew longer she sprang up, called her +goats, and looked up, listening, to the rock-steps by which he had +vanished; the twilight is short in the neighborhood of the tropics, and +she knew that she would be overtaken by the darkness on the stony and +fissured road down the valley if she lingered any longer. She feared the +terrors of the night, the spirits and demons, and a thousand vague +dangers whose nature she could not have explained even to herself; and +yet she did not stir from the spot nor cease listening and waiting for +his return till the sun had disappeared behind the sacred mountain, and +the glow in the west had paled. + +All around was as still as death, she could hear herself breathe, and as +the evening chill fell she shuddered with cold. + +She now heard a loud noise above her head. A flock of wild mountain +goats, accustomed to come at this hour to quench their thirst at the +spring, came nearer and nearer, but drew back as they detected the +presence of a human being. Only the leader of the herd remained standing +on the brink of the ravine, and she knew that he was only awaiting her +departure to lead the others down to drink. Following a kindly impulse, +she was on the point of leaving to make way for the animals, when she +suddenly recollected Hermas's threat to drive her from the well, and she +angrily picked up a stone and flung it at the buck, which started and +hastily fled. The whole herd followed him. Miriam listened to them as +they scampered away, and then, with her head sunk, she led her flock +home, feeling her way in the darkness with her bare feet. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + +High above the ravine where the spring was lay a level plateau of +moderate extent, and behind it rose a fissured cliff of bare, red-brown +porphyry. A vein of diorite of iron-hardness lay at its foot like a +green ribbon, and below this there opened a small round cavern, hollowed +and arched by the cunning hand of nature. In former times wild beasts, +panthers or wolves, had made it their home; it now served as a dwelling +for young Hermas and his father. + +Many similar caves were to be found in the holy Fountain, and other +anchorites had taken possession of the larger ones among them. + +That of Stephanus was exceptionally high and deep, and yet the space was +but small which divided the two beds of dried mountain herbs where, on +one, slept the father, and on the other, the son. + +It was long past midnight, but neither the younger nor the elder cave- +dweller seemed to be sleeping. Hermas groaned aloud and threw himself +vehemently from one side to the other without any consideration for the +old man who, tormented with pain and weakness, sorely needed sleep. +Stephanus meanwhile denied himself the relief of turning over or of +sighing, when he thought he perceived that his more vigorous son had +found rest. + +"What could have robbed him of his rest, the boy who usually slept so +soundly, and was so hard to waken?" + +"Whence comes it," thought Stephanus, "that the young and strong sleep so +soundly and so much, and the old, who need rest, and even the sick, sleep +so lightly and so little. Is it that wakefulness may prolong the little +term of life, of which they dread the end? How is it that man clings so +fondly to this miserable existence, and would fain slink away, and hide +himself when the angel calls and the golden gates open before him! We +are like Saul, the Hebrew, who hid himself when they came to him with the +crown! My wound burns painfully; if only I had a drink of water. If the +poor child were not so sound asleep I might ask him for the jar." + +Stephanus listened to his son and would not wake him, when he heard his +heavy and regular breathing. He curled himself up shivering under the +sheep-skin which covered only half his body, for the icy night wind now +blew through the opening of the cave, which by day was as hot as an oven. + +Some long minutes wore away; at last he thought he perceived that Hermas +had raised himself. Yes, the sleeper must have wakened, for he began to +speak, and to call on the name of God. + +The old man turned to his son and began softly, "Do you hear me, my boy?" + +"I cannot sleep," answered the youth. + +"Then give me something to drink," asked Stephanus, "my wound burns +intolerably." + +Hermas rose at once, and reached the water-jar to the sufferer. + +"Thanks, thanks, my child," said the old man, feeling for the neck of the +jar. But he could not find it, and exclaimed with surprise: "How damp +and cold it is--this is clay, and our jar was a gourd." + +"I have broken it," interrupted Hermas, "and Paulus lent me his." + +"Well, well," said Stephanus anxious for drink; he gave the jar back to +his son, and waited till he had stretched himself again on his couch. +Then he asked anxiously: "You were out a long time this evening, the +gourd is broken, and you groaned in your sleep. Whom did you meet?" + +"A demon of hell," answered Hermas. "And now the fiend pursues me into +our cave, and torments me in a variety of shapes." + +"Drive it out then and pray," said the old man gravely. "Unclean spirits +flee at the name of God." + +"I have called upon Him," sighed Hermas, "but in vain; I see women with +ruddy lips and flowing Hair, and white marble figures with rounded limbs +and flashing eyes beckon to me again and again." + +"Then take the scourge," ordered the father, "and so win peace." + +Hermas once more obediently rose, and went out into the air with the +scourge; the narrow limits of the cave did not admit of his swinging it +with all the strength of his arms. + +Very soon Stephanus heard the whistle of the leathern thongs through the +stillness of the night, their hard blows on the springy muscles of the +man and his son's painful groaning. + +At each blow the old man shrank as if it had fallen on himself. At last +he cried as loud as he was able "Enough--that is enough." + +Hermas came back into the cave, his father called him to his couch, and +desired him to join with him in prayer. + +After the 'Amen' he stroked the lad's abundant hair and said, "Since you +went to Alexandria, you have been quite another being. I would I had +withstood bishop Agapitus, and forbidden you the journey. Soon, I know, +my Saviour will call me to himself, and no one will keep you here; then +the tempter will come to you, and all the splendors of the great city, +which after all only shine like rotten wood, like shining snakes and +poisonous purple-berries--" + +"I do not care for them," interrupted Hermas, "the noisy place bewildered +and frightened me. Never, never will I tread the spot again." + +"So you have always said," replied Stephanus, "and yet the journey quite +altered you. How often before that I used to think when I heard you +laugh that the sound must surely please our Father in Heaven. And now? +You used to be like a singing bird, and now you go about silent, you look +sour and morose, and evil thoughts trouble your sleep." + +"That is my loss," answered Hermas. "Pray let go of my hand; the night +will soon be past, and you have the whole live-long day to lecture me +in." Stephanus sighed, and Hermas returned to his couch. + +Sleep avoided them both, and each knew that the other was awake, and +would willingly have spoken to him, but dissatisfaction and defiance +closed the son's lips, and the father was silent because he could not +find exactly the heart-searching words that he was seeking. + +At last it was morning, a twilight glimmer struck through the opening of +the cave, and it grew lighter and lighter in the gloomy vault; the boy +awoke and rose yawning. When he saw his father lying with his eyes open, +he asked indifferently, "Shall I stay here or go to morning worship?" + +"Let us pray here together," begged the father. "Who knows how long it +may yet be granted to us to do so? I am not far from the day that no +evening ever closes. Kneel down here, and let me kiss the image of the +Crucified." + +Hermas did as his father desired him, and as they were ending their song +of praise, a third voice joined in the 'Amen.' + +"Paulus!" cried the old man. "The Lord be praised! pray look to my +wound then. The arrow head seeks to work some way out, and it burns +fearfully." + +"The new comer, an anchorite, who for all clothing wore a shirt-shaped +coat of brown undressed linen, and a sheep-skin, examined the wound +carefully, and laid some herbs on it, murmuring meanwhile some pious +texts. + +"That is much easier," sighed the old man. "The Lord has mercy on me for +your goodness' sake." + +"My goodness? I am a vessel of wrath," replied Paulus, with a deep, +rich; sonorous voice, and his peculiarly kind blue eyes were raised to +heaven as if to attest how greatly men were deceived in him. Then he +pushed the bushy grizzled hair, which hung in disorder over his neck and +face, out of his eyes, and said cheerfully: "No man is more than man, and +many men are less. In the ark there were many beasts, but only one +Noah." + +"You are the Noah of our little ark," replied Stephanus. + +"Then this great lout here is the elephant," laughed Paulus. + +"You are no smaller than he," replied Stephanus. + +"It is a pity this stone roof is so low, else we might have measured +ourselves," said Paulus. "Aye! if Hermas and I were as pious and pure as +we are tall and strong, we should both have the key of paradise in our +pockets. You were scourging yourself this night, boy; I heard the blows. +It is well; if the sinful flesh revolts, thus we may subdue it." + +"He groaned heavily and could not sleep," said Stephanus. + +"Aye, did he indeed!" cried Paulus to the youth, and held his powerful +arms out towards him with clenched fists; but the threatening voice was +loud rather than terrible, and wild as the exceptionally big man looked +in his sheepskin, there was such irresistible kindliness in his gaze and +in his voice, that no one could have believed that his wrath was in +earnest. + +"Fiends of hell had met him," said Stephanus in excuse for his son, "and +I should not have closed an eye even without his groaning; it is the +fifth night." + +"But in the sixth," said Paulus, "sleep is absolutely necessary. Put on +your sheep-skin, Hermas; you must go down to the oasis to the Senator +Petrus, and fetch a good sleeping-draught for our sick man from him or +from Dame Dorothea, the deaconess. Just look! the youngster has really +thought of his father's breakfast--one's own stomach is a good reminder. +Only put the bread and the water down here by the couch; while you are +gone I will fetch some fresh--now, come with me." + +"Wait a minute, wait," cried Stephanus. "Bring a new jar with you from +the town, my son. You lent us yours yesterday, Paulus, and I must--" + +"I should soon have forgotten it," interrupted the other. "I have to +thank the careless fellow, for I have now for the first time discovered +the right way to drink, as long as one is well and able. I would not +have the jar back for a measure of gold; water has no relish unless you +drink it out of the hollow of your hand! The shard is yours. I should +be warring against my own welfare, if I required it back. God be +praised! the craftiest thief can now rob me of nothing save my +sheepskin." + +Stephanus would have thanked him, but he took Hermas by the hand, and led +him out into the open air. For some time the two men walked in silence +over the clefts and boulders up the mountain side. When they had reached +a plateau, which lay on the road that led from the sea over the mountain +into the oasis, he turned to the youth, and said: + +"If we always considered all the results of our actions there would be no +sins committed." + +Hermas looked at him enquiringly, and Paulus went on, "If it had occurred +to you to think how sorely your poor father needed sleep, you would have +lain still this night." + +"I could not," said the youth sullenly. "And you know very well that I +scourged myself hard enough." + +"That was quite right, for you deserved a flogging for a misconducted +boy." + +Hermas looked defiantly at his reproving friend, the flaming color +mounted to his cheek: for he remembered the shepherdess's words that he +might go and complain to his nurse, and he cried out angrily: + +"I will not let any one speak to me so; I am no longer a child." + +"Not even your father's?" asked Paulus, and he looked at the boy with +such an astonished and enquiring air, that Hermas turned away his eyes in +confusion. + +"It is not right at any rate to trouble the last remnant of life of that +very man who longs to live for your sake only." + +"I should have been very willing to be still, for I love my father as +well as any one else." + +"You do not beat him," replied Paulus, "you carry him bread and water, +and do not drink up the wine yourself, which the Bishop sends him home +from the Lord's supper; that is something certainly, but not enough by a +long way." + +"I am no saint!" + +"Nor I neither," exclaimed Paulus, "I am full of sin and weakness. But I +know what the love is which was taught us by the Saviour, and that you +too may know. He suffered on the cross for you, and for me, and for all +the poor and vile. Love is at once the easiest and the most difficult of +attainments. It requires sacrifice. And you? How long is it now since +you last showed your father a cheerful countenance?" + +"I cannot be a hypocrite." + +"Nor need you, but you must love. Certainly it is not by what his hand +does but by what his heart cheerfully offers, and by what he forces +himself to give up that a man proves his love." + +"And is it no sacrifice that I waste all my youth here?" asked the boy. + +Paulus stepped back from him a little way, shook his matted head, and +said, "Is that it? You are thinking of Alexandria! Ay! no doubt life +runs away much quicker there than on our solitary mountain. You do not +fancy the tawny shepherd girl, but perhaps some pretty pink and white +Greek maiden down there has looked into your eyes?" + +"Let me alone about the women," answered Hermas, with genuine annoyance. +"There are other things to look at there." + +The youth's eyes sparkled as he spoke, and Paulus asked, not without +interest, "Indeed?" + +"You know Alexandria better than I," answered Hermas evasively. +"You were born there, and they say you had been a rich young man." + +"Do they say so?" said Paulus. "Perhaps they are right; but you must +know that I am glad that nothing any longer belongs to me of all the +vanities that I possessed, and I thank my Saviour that I can now turn my +back on the turmoil of men. What was it that seemed to you so +particularly tempting in all that whirl?" + +Hermas hesitated. He feared to speak, and yet something urged and drove +him to say out all that was stirring his soul. If any one of all those +grave men who despised the world and among whom he had grown up, could +ever understand him, he knew well that it would be Paulus; Paulus whose +rough beard he had pulled when he was little, on whose shoulders he had +often sat, and who had proved to him a thousand times how truly he loved +him. It is true the Alexandrian was the severest of them all, but he was +harsh only to himself. Hermas must once for all unburden his heart, and +with sudden decision he asked the anchorite: + +"Did you often visit the baths?" + +"Often? I only wonder that I did not melt away and fall to pieces in the +warm water like a wheaten loaf." + +"Why do you laugh at that which makes men beautiful?" cried Hermas +hastily. "Why may Christians even visit the baths in Alexandria, while +we up here, you and my father and all anchorites, only use water to +quench our thirst? You compel me to live like one of you, and I do not +like being a dirty beast." + +"None can see us but the Most High," answered Paulus, "and for him we +cleanse and beautify our souls." + +"But the Lord gave us our body too," interrupted Hermas. "It is written +that man is the image of God. And we! I appeared to myself as repulsive +as a hideous ape when at the great baths by the Gate of the Sun I saw the +youths and men with beautifully arranged and scented hair and smooth +limbs that shone with cleanliness and purification. And as they went +past, and I looked at my mangy sheepfell, and thought of my wild mane and +my arms and feet, which are no worse formed or weaker than theirs were, +I turned hot and cold, and I felt as if some bitter drink were choking +me. I should have liked to howl out with shame and envy and vexation. +I will not be like a monster!" + +Hermas ground his teeth as he spoke the last words, and Paulus looked +uneasily at him as he went on: "My body is God's as much as my soul is, +and what is allowed to the Christians in the city--" + +"That we nevertheless may not do," Paulus interrupted gravely. "He who +has once devoted himself to Heaven must detach himself wholly from the +charm of life, and break one tie after another that binds him to the +dust. I too once upon a time have anointed this body, and smoothed this +rough hair, and rejoiced sincerely over my mirror; but I say to you, +Hermas--and, by my dear Saviour, I say it only because I feel it, deep in +my heart I feel it--to pray is better than to bathe, and I, a poor +wretch, have been favored with hours in which my spirit has struggled +free, and has been permitted to share as an honored guest in the festal +joys of Heaven!" + +While he spoke, his wide open eyes had turned towards Heaven and had +acquired a wondrous brightness. For a short time the two stood opposite +each other silent and motionless; at last the anchorite pushed the hair +from off his brow, which was now for the first time visible. It was +well-formed, though somewhat narrow, and its clear fairness formed a +sharp contrast to his sunburnt face. + +"Boy," he said with a deep breath, "you know not what joys you would +sacrifice for the sake of worthless things. Long ere the Lord, calls the +pious man to Heaven, the pious has brought Heaven down to earth in +himself." + +Hermas well understood what the anchorite meant, for his father often for +hours at a time gazed up into Heaven in prayer, neither seeing nor +hearing what was going on around him, and was wont to relate to his son, +when he awoke from his ecstatic vision, that he had seen the Lord or +heard the angel-choir. + +He himself had never succeeded in bringing himself into such a state, +although Stephanus had often compelled him to remain on his knees praying +with him for many interminable hours. It often happened that the old +man's feeble flame of life had threatened to become altogether extinct +after these deeply soul-stirring exercises, and Hermas would gladly have +forbidden him giving himself up to such hurtful emotions, for he loved +his father; but they were looked upon as special manifestations of grace, +and how should a son dare to express his aversion to such peculiarly +sacred acts? But to Paulus and in his present mood he found courage to +speak out. + +"I have sure hope of Paradise," he said, "but it will be first opened +to us after death. The Christian should be patient; why can you not wait +for Heaven till the Saviour calls you, instead of desiring to enjoy its +pleasures here on earth? This first and that after! Why Should God have +bestowed on us the gifts of the flesh if not that we may use them? +Beauty and strength are not empty trifles, and none but a fool gives +noble gifts to another, only in order to throw them away." + +Paulus gazed in astonishment at the youth, who up to this moment had +always unresistingly obeyed his father and him, and he shook his head as +he answered, + +"So think the children of this world who stand far from the Most High. +In the image of God are we made no doubt, but what child would kiss the +image of his father, when the father offers him his own living lips?" + +Paulus had meant to say 'mother' instead of 'father,' but he remembered +in time that Hermas had early lost the happiness of caressing a mother, +and he had hastily amended the phrase. He was one of those to whom it is +so painful to hurt another, that they never touch a wounded soul unless +to heal it, divining the seat of even the most hidden pain. + +He was accustomed to speak but little, but now he went on eagerly: + +"By so much as God is far above our miserable selves, by so much is the +contemplation of Him worthier of the Christian than that of his own +person. Oh! who is indeed so happy as to have wholly lost that self and +to be perfectly absorbed in God! But it pursues us, and when the soul +fondly thinks itself already blended in union with the Most High it cries +out 'Here am I!' and drags our nobler part down again into the dust. It +is bad enough that we must hinder the flight of the soul, and are forced +to nourish and strengthen the perishable part of our being with bread and +water and slothful sleep to the injury of the immortal part, however much +we may fast and watch. And shall we indulge the flesh, to the detriment +of the spirit, by granting it any of its demands that can easily be +denied? Only he who despises and sacrifices his wretched self can, when +he has lost his baser self by the Redeemer's grace, find himself again in +God." + +Hermas had listened patiently to the anchorite, but he now shook his +head, and said: "I cannot under stand either you or my father. So long +as I walk on this earth, I am I and no other. After death, no doubt, but +not till then, will a new and eternal life begin" + +"Not so," cried Paulus hastily, interrupting him. "That other and higher +life of which you speak, does not begin only after death for him who +while still living does not cease from dying, from mortifying the flesh, +and from subduing its lusts, from casting from him the world and his +baser self, and from seeking the Lord. It has been vouchsafed to many +even in the midst of life to be born again to a higher existence. Look +at me, the basest of the base. I am not two but one, and yet am I in the +sight of the Lord as certainly another man than I was before grace found +me, as this young shoot, which has grown from the roots of an overthrown +palmtree is another tree than the rotten trunk. I was a heathen and +enjoyed every pleasure of the earth to the utmost; then I became a +Christian; the grace of the Lord fell upon me, and I was born again, and +became a child again; but this time--the Redeemer be praised!--the child +of the Lord. In the midst of life I died, I rose again, I found the joys +of Heaven. I had been Menander, and like unto Saul, I became Paulus. +All that Menander loved--baths, feasts, theatres, horses and chariots, +games in the arena, anointed limbs, roses and garlands, purple-garments, +wine and the love of women--lie behind me like some foul bog out of which +a traveller has struggled with difficulty. Not a vein of the old man +survives in the new, and a new life has begun for me, mid-way to the +grave; nor for me only, but for all pious men. For you too the hour will +sound, in which you will die to--" + +"If only I, like you, had been a Menander," cried Hermas, sharply +interrupting the speaker: "How is it possible to cast away that which I +never possessed? In order to die one first must live. This wretched +life seems to me contemptible, and I am weary of running after you like a +calf after a cow. I am free-born, and of noble race, my father himself +has told me so, and I am certainly no feebler in body than the citizens' +sons in the town with whom I went from the baths to the wrestling- +school." + +"Did you go to the Palaestra?" asked Paulus in surprise. + +"To the wrestling-school of Timagetus," cried Hermas, coloring. "From +outside the gate I watched the games of the youths as they wrestled, and +threw heavy disks at a mark. My eyes almost sprang out of my head at the +sight, and I could have cried out aloud with envy and vexation, at having +to stand there in my ragged sheep-skin excluded from all competition. If +Pachomius had not just then come up, by the Lord I must have sprung into +the arena, and have challenged the strongest of them all to wrestle with +me, and I could have thrown the disk much farther than the scented puppy +who won the victory and was crowned." + +"You may thank, Pachomius," said Paulus laughing, "for having hindered +you, for you would have earned nothing in the arena but mockery and +disgrace. You are strong enough, certainly, but the art of the +discobolus must be learned like any other. Hercules himself would be +beaten at that game without practice, and if he did not know the right +way to handle the disk." + +"It would not have been the first time I had thrown one," cried the boy. +"See, what I can do!" With these words he stooped and raised one of the +flat stones, which lay piled up to secure the pathway; extending his arm +with all his strength, he flung the granite disk over the precipice away +into the abyss. + +"There, you see," cried Paulus, who had watched the throw carefully and +not without some anxious excitement. "However strong your arm may be, +any novice could throw farther than you if only he knew the art of +holding the discus. It is not so--not so; it must cut through the air +like a knife with its sharp edge. Look how you hold your hand, you throw +like a woman! The wrist straight, and now your left foot behind, and +your knee bent! see, how clumsy you are! Here, give me the stone. You +take the discus so, then you bend your body, and press down your knees +like the arc of a bow, so that every sinew in your body helps to speed +the shot when you let go. Aye--that is better, but it is not quite right +yet. First heave the discus with your arm stretched out, then fix your +eye on the mark; now swing it out high behind you--stop! once more! your +arm must be more strongly strained before you throw. That might pass, +but you ought to be able to hit the palm-tree yonder. Give me your +discus, and that stone. There; the unequal corners hinder its flight-- +now pay attention!" Paulus spoke with growing eagerness, and now he +grasped the flat stone, as he might have done many years since when no +youth in Alexandria had been his match in throwing the discus. + +He bent his knees, stretched out his body, gave play to his wrist, +extended his arm to the utmost and hurled the stone into space, while the +clenched toes of his right foot deeply dinted the soil. + +But it fell to the ground before reaching which Paulus had indicated as +the mark. + +"Wait!" cried Hermas. "Let me try now to hit the tree." + +His stone whistled through the air, but it did not even reach the mound, +into which the palm-tree had struck root. + +Paulus shook his head disapprovingly, and in his, turn seized a flat +stone; and now an eager contest began. At every throw Hermas' stone flew +farther, for he copied his teacher's action and grasp with increasing +skill, while the older man's arm began to tire. At last Hermas for the +second time hit the palm-tree, while Paulus had failed to reach even the +mound with his last fling. + +The pleasure of the contest took stronger possession of the anchorite; +he flung his raiment from him, and seizing another stone he cried out-- +as though he were standing once more in the wrestling school among his +old companions; all shining with their anointment. + +"By the silver-bowed Apollo, and the arrow-speeding Artemis, I will hit +the palm-tree." + +The missile sang through the air, his body sprang back, and he stretched +out his left arm to save his tottering balance; there was a crash, the +tree quivered under the blow, and Hermas shouted joyfully: "Wonderful! +wonderful! that was indeed a throw. The old Menander is not dead! +Farewell--to-morrow we will try again." + +With these words Hermas quitted the anchorite, and hastened with wide +leaps down the hill in the oasis. Paulus started at the words like a +sleep-walker who is suddenly wakened by hearing his name called. He +looked about him in bewilderment, as if he had to find his way in some +strange world. Drops of sweat stood on his brow, and with sudden shame +he snatched up his garments that were lying on the ground, and covered +his naked limbs. + +For some time he stood gazing after Hermas, then he clasped his brow in +deep anguish and large tears ran down upon his beard. + +"What have I said?" he muttered to himself; "That every vein of the old +man in me was extirpated? Fool! vain madman that I am. They named me +Paulus, and I am in truth Saul, aye, and worse than Saul!" + +With these words he threw himself on his knees, pressing his forehead +against the hard rock, and began to pray. He felt as if he had been +flung from a height on to spears and lances, as if his heart and soul +were bleeding, and while he remained there, dissolved in grief and +prayer, accusing and condemning himself, he felt not the burning of the +sun as it mounted in the sky, heeded not the flight of time, nor heard +the approach of a party of pilgrims, who, under the guidance of bishop +Agapitus, were visiting the Holy Places. The palmers saw him at prayer, +heard his sobs, and, marvelling at his piety, at a sign from their pastor +they knelt down behind him. + +When Paulus at last arose, he perceived with surprise and alarm the +witnesses of his devotions, and approached Agapitus to kiss his robe. +But the bishop said: "Not so; he that is most pious is the greatest among +us. My friends, let us bow down before this saintly man!" + +The pilgrims obeyed his command. Paulus hid his face in his hands and +sobbed out: "Wretch, wretch that I am!" + +And the pilgrims lauded his humility, and followed their leader who left +the spot. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + +Hermas had hastened onwards without delay. He had already reached the +last bend of the path he had followed down the ravine, and he saw at his +feet the long narrow valley and the gleaming waters of the stream, which +here fertilized the soil of the desert. He looked down on lofty palms +and tamarisk shrubs innumerable, among which rose the houses of the +inhabitants, surrounded by their little gardens and small carefully- +irrigated fields; already he could hear the crowing of a cock and the +hospitable barking of a dog, sounds which came to him like a welcome from +the midst of that life for which he yearned, accustomed as he was to be +surrounded day and night by the deep and lonely stillness of the rocky +heights. + +He stayed his steps, and his eyes followed the thin columns of smoke, +which floated tremulously up in the clear light of the ever mounting sun +from the numerous hearths that lay below him. + +"They are cooking breakfast now," thought he, "the wives for their +husbands, the mothers for their children, and there, where that dark +smoke rises, very likely a splendid feast is being prepared for guests; +but I am nowhere at home, and no one will invite me in." The contest +with Paulus had excited and cheered him, but the sight of the city filled +his young heart with renewed bitterness, and his lips trembled as he +looked down on his sheepskin and his unwashed limbs. With hasty resolve +he turned his back on the oasis and hurried up the mountain. By the side +of the brooklet that he knew of he threw off his coarse garment, let the +cool water flow over his body, washed himself carefully and with much +enjoyment, stroked clown his thick hair with his fingers, and then +hurried down again into the valley. + +The gorge through which he had descended debouched by a hillock that rose +from the valley-plain; a small newly-built church leaned against its +eastern declivity, and it was fortified on all sides by walls and dikes, +behind which the citizens found shelter when they were threatened by the +Saracen robbers of the oasis. This hill passed for a particularly sacred +spot. Moses was supposed to have prayed on its summit during the battle +with the Amalekites while his arms were held up by Aaron and Hur. + +But there were other notable spots in the neighborhood of the oasis. +There farther to the north was the rock whence Moses had struck the +water; there higher up, and more to the south-east, was the hill, where +the Lord had spoken to the law-giver face to face, and where he had seen +the burning bush; there again was the spring where he had met the +daughters of Jethro, Zippora and Ledja, so called in the legend. Pious +pilgrims came to these holy places in great numbers, and among them many +natives of the peninsula, particularly Nabateans, who had previously +visited the holy mountain in order to sacrifice on its summit to their +gods, the sun, moon, and planets. At the outlet, towards the north, +stood a castle, which ever since the Syrian Prefect, Cornelius Palma, had +subdued Arabia Petraea in the time of Trajan, had been held by a Roman +garrison for the protection of the blooming city of the desert against +the incursions of the marauding Saracens and Blemmyes. + +But the citizens of Pharan themselves had taken measures for the security +of their property. On the topmost cliffs of the jagged crown of the +giant mountain--the most favorable spots for a look-out far and wide-- +they placed sentinels, who day and night scanned the distance, so as to +give a warning-signal in case of approaching clanger. Each house +resembled a citadel, for it was built of strong masonry, and the younger +men were all well exercised bowmen. The more distinguished families +dwelt near the church-hill, and there too stood the houses of the Bishop +Agapitus, and of the city councillors of Pharan. + +Among these the Senator Petrus enjoyed the greatest respect, partly by +reason of his solid abilities, and of his possessions in quarries, +garden-ground, date palms, and cattle; partly in consequence of the rare +qualities of his wife, the deaconess Dorothea, the granddaughter of the +long-deceased and venerable Bishop Chaeremon, who had fled hither with +his wife during the persecution of the Christians under Decius, and who +had converted many of the Pharanites to the knowledge of the Redeemer. + +The house of Petrus was of strong and well-joined stone, and the palm +garden adjoining was carefully tended. Twenty slaves, many camels, and +even two horses belonged to him, and the centurion in command of the +Imperial garrison, the Gaul Phoebicius, and his wife Sirona, lived as +lodgers under his roof; not quite to the satisfaction of the councillor, +for the centurion was no Christian, but a worshipper of Mithras, in whose +mysteries the wild Gaul had risen to the grade of a 'Lion,' whence his +people, and with them the Pharanites in general, were wont to speak of +him as "the Lion." + +His predecessor had been an officer of much lower rank but a believing +Christian, whom Petrus had himself requested to live in his house, and +when, about a year since, the Lion Phoebicius had taken the place of the +pious Pankratius, the senator could not refuse him the quarters, which +had become a right. + +Hermas went shyly and timidly towards the court of Petrus' house, and his +embarrassment increased when he found himself in the hall of the stately +stone-house, which he had entered without let or hindrance, and did not +know which way to turn. There was no one there to direct him, and he +dared not go up the stairs which led to the upper story, although it +seemed that Petrus must be there. Yes, there was no doubt, for he heard +talking overhead and clearly distinguished the senator's deep voice. +Hermas advanced, and set his foot on the first step of the stairs; but he +had scarcely begun to go up with some decision, and feeling ashamed of +his bashfulness, when he heard a door fly open just above him, and from +it there poured a flood of fresh laughing children's voices, like a pent +up stream when the miller opens the sluice gate. + +He glanced upwards in surprise, but there was no time for consideration, +for the shouting troop of released little ones had already reached the +stairs. In front of all hastened a beautiful young woman with golden +hair; she was laughing gaily, and held a gaudily-dressed doll high above +her head. She came backwards towards the steps, turning her fair face +beaming with fun and delight towards the children, who, full of their +longing, half demanding, half begging, half laughing, half crying, +shouted in confusion, "Let us be, Sirona," "Do not take it away again, +Sirona," "Do stay here, Sirona," again and again, "Sirona--Sirona." + +A lovely six year old maiden stretched up as far as she could to reach +the round white arm that held the play-thing; with her left hand, which +was free, she gaily pushed away three smaller children, who tried to +cling to her knees and exclaimed, still stepping backwards, "No, no; you +shall not have it till it has a new gown; it shall be as long and as gay +as the Emperors's robe. Let me go, Caecilia, or you will fall down as +naughty Nikon did the other day." + +By this time she had reached the steps; she turned suddenly, and with +outstretched arms she stopped the way of the narrow stair on which Hermas +was standing, gazing open-mouthed at the merry scene above his head. +Just as Sirona was preparing to run down, she perceived him and started; +but when she saw that the anchorite from pure embarrassment could find no +words in which to answer her question as to what he wanted, she laughed +heartily again and called out: "Come up, we shall not hurt you--shall we +children?" + +Meanwhile Hermas had found courage enough to give utterance to his wish +to speak with the senator, and the young woman, who looked with +complacency on his strong and youthful frame, offered to conduct him to +him. + +Petrus had been talking to his grown up elder sons; they were tall men, +but their father was even taller than they, and of unusual breadth of +shoulder. + +While the young men were speaking, he stroked his short grey beard and +looked down at the ground in sombre gravity, as it might have seemed to +the careless observer; but any one who looked closer might quickly +perceive that not seldom a pleased smile, though not less often a +somewhat bitter one, played upon the lips of the prudent and judicious +man. He was one of those who can play with their children like a young +mother, take the sorrows of another as much to heart as if they were +their own, and yet who look so gloomy, and allow themselves to make such +sharp speeches, that only those who are on terms of perfect confidence +with them, cease to misunderstand them and fear them. There was +something fretting the soul of this man, who nevertheless possessed all +that could contribute to human happiness. His was a thankful nature, +and yet he was conscious that he might have been destined to something +greater than fate had permitted him to achieve or to be. He had remained +a stone-cutter, but his sons had both completed their education in good +schools in Alexandria. The elder, Antonius, who already had a house of +his own and a wife and children, was an architect and artist-mechanic; +the younger, Polykarp, was a gifted young sculptor. The noble church of +the oasis-city had been built under the direction of the elder; Polykarp, +who had only come home a month since, was preparing to establish and +carry on works of great extent in his father's quarries, for he had +received a commission to decorate the new court of the Sebasteion or +Caesareum, as it was called--a grand pile in Alexandria--with twenty +granite lions. More than thirty artists had competed with him for this +work, but the prize was unanimously adjudged to his models by qualified +judges. The architect whose function it was to construct the colonnades +and pavement of the court was his friend, and had agreed to procure the +blocks of granite, the flags and the columns which he required from +Petrus' quarries, and not, as had formerly been the custom, from those +of Syene by the first Cataract. + +Antonius and Polykarp were now standing with their father before a large +table, explaining to him a plan which they had worked out together and +traced on the thin wax surface of a wooden tablet. The young architect's +proposal was to bridge over a deep but narrow gorge, which the beasts of +burden were obliged to avoid by making a wide circuit, and so to make a +new way from the quarries to the sea, which should be shorter by a third +than the old one. The cost of this structure would soon be recouped by +the saving in labor, and with perfect certainty, if only the transport- +ships were laden at Clysma with a profitable return freight of +Alexandrian manufactures, instead of returning empty as they had hitherto +done. Petrus, who could shine as a speaker in the council-meetings, in +private life spoke but little. At each of his son's new projects he +raised his eyes to the speaker's face, as if to see whether the young man +had not lost his wits, while his mouth, only half hidden by his grey +beard, smiled approvingly. + +When Antonius began to unfold his plan for remedying the inconvenience of +the ravine that impeded the way, the senator muttered, "Only get feathers +to grow on the slaves, and turn the black ones into ravens and the white +ones into gulls, and then they might fly across. What do not people +learn in the metropolis!" + +When he heard the word 'bridge' he stared at the young artist. "The only +question," said he, "is whether Heaven will lend us a rainbow." But when +Polykarp proposed to get some cedar trunks from Syria through his friend +in Alexandria, and when his elder son explained his drawings of the arch +with which he promised to span the gorge and make it strong and safe, he +followed their words with attention; at the same time he knit his +eyebrows as gloomily and looked as stern as if he were listening to some +narrative of crime. Still, he let them speak on to the end, and though +at first he only muttered that it was mere "fancy-work" or "Aye, indeed, +if I were the emperor;" he afterwards asked clear and precise questions, +to which he received positive and well considered answers. Antonius +proved by figures that the profit on the delivery of material for the +Caesareum only would cover more than three quarters of the outlay. +Then Polykarp began to speak and declared that the granite of the Holy +Mountain was finer in color and in larger blocks than that from Syene. + +"We work cheaper here than at the Cataract," interrupted Antonius. +"And the transport of the blocks will not come too dear when we have the +bridge and command the road to the sea, and avail ourselves of the canal +of Trajan, which joins the Nile to the Red Sea, and which in a few months +will again be navigable." + +"And if my lions are a success," added Polykarp, "and if Zenodotus is +satisfied with our stone and our work, it may easily happen that we +outstrip Syene in competition, and that some of the enormous orders +that now flow from Constantine's new residence to the quarries at Syene, +may find their way to us." + +"Polykarp is not over sanguine," continued Antonius, "for the emperor is +beautifying and adding to Byzantium with eager haste. Whoever erects a +new house has a yearly allowance of corn, and in order to attract folks +of our stamp--of whom he cannot get enough--he promises entire exemption +from taxation to all sculptors, architects, and even to skilled laborers. +If we finish the blocks and pillars here exactly to the designs, they +will take up no superfluous room in the ships, and no one will be able to +deliver them so cheaply as we." + +"No, nor so good," cried Polykarp, "for you yourself are an artist, +father, and understand stone-work as well as any man. I never saw a +finer or more equally colored granite than the block you picked out for +my first lion. I am finishing it here on the spot, and I fancy it will +make a show. Certainly it will be difficult to take a foremost place +among the noble works of the most splendid period of art, which already +fill the Caesareum, but I will do my best." + +"The Lions will be admirable," cried Antonius with a glance of pride at +his brother. "Nothing like them has been done by any one these ten +years, and I know the Alexandrians. If the master's work is praised that +is made out of granite from the Holy Mountain, all the world will have +granite from thence and from no where else. It all depends on whether +the transport of the stone to the sea can be made less difficult and +costly." + +"Let us try it then," said Petrus, who during his son's talk had walked +up and down before them in silence. "Let us try the building of the +bridge in the name of the Lord. We will work out the road if the +municipality will declare themselves ready to bear half the cost; not +otherwise, and I tell you frankly, you have both grown most able men." + +The younger son grasped his father's hand and pressed it with warm +affection to his lips. Petrus hastily stroked his brown locks, then he +offered his strong right hand to his eldest-born and said: We must +increase the number of our slaves. Call your mother, Polykarp." The +youth obeyed with cheerful alacrity, and when Dame Dorothea--who was +sitting at the loom with her daughter Marthana and some of her female +slaves--saw him rush into the women's room with a glowing face, she rose +with youthful briskness in spite of her stout and dignified figure, and +called out to her son: + +"He has approved of your plans?" + +"Bridge and all, mother, everything," cried the young man. "Finer +granite for my lions, than my father has picked out for me is nowhere to +be found, and how glad I am for Antonius! only we must have patience +about the roadway. He wants to speak to you at once." + +Dorothea signed to her son to moderate his ecstasy, for he had seized her +hand, and was pulling her away with him, but the tears that stood in her +kind eyes testified how deeply she sympathized in her favorite's +excitement. + +"Patience, patience, I am coming directly," cried she, drawing away her +hand in order to arrange her dress and her grey hair, which was abundant +and carefully dressed, and formed a meet setting for her still pleasing +and unwrinkled face. + +"I knew it would be so; when you have a reasonable thing to propose to +your father, he will always listen to you and agree with you without my +intervention; women should not mix themselves up with men's work. Youth +draws a strong bow and often shoots beyond the mark. It would be a +pretty thing if out of foolish affection for you I were to try to play +the siren that should ensnare the steersman of the house--your father-- +with flattering words. You laugh at the grey-haired siren? But love +overlooks the ravages of years and has a good memory for all that was +once pleasing. Besides, men have not always wax in their ears when they +should have. Come now to your father." + +Dorothea went out past Polykarp and her daughter. The former held his +sister back by the hand and asked--"Was not Sirona with you?" + +The sculptor tried to appear quite indifferent, but he blushed as he +spoke; Marthana observed this and replied not without a roguish glance: +"She did show us her pretty face; but important business called her +away." + +"Sirona?" asked Polykarp incredulously. + +"Certainly, why not!" answered Marthana laughing. "She had to sew a new +gown for the children's doll." + +"Why do you mock at her kindness?" said Polykarp reproachfully. + +"How sensitive you are!" said Marthana softly. "Sirona is as kind and +sweet as an angel; but you had better look at her rather less, for she is +not one of us, and repulsive as the choleric centurion is to me--" + +She said no more, for Dame Dorothea, having reached the door of the +sitting-room, looked around for her children. + +Petrus received his wife with no less gravity than was usual with him, +but there was an arch sparkle in his half closed eyes as he asked: "You +scarcely know what is going on, I suppose?" + +"You are madmen, who would fain take Heaven by storm," she answered +gaily. + +"If the undertaking fails," said Petrus, pointing to his sons, "those +young ones will feel the loss longer than we shall." + +"But it will succeed," cried Dorothea. "An old commander and young +soldiers can win any battle." She held out her small plump hand with +frank briskness to her husband, he clasped it cheerily and said: "I think +I can carry the project for the road through the Senate. To build our +bridge we must also procure helping hands, and for that we need your aid, +Dorothea. Our slaves will not suffice." + +"Wait," cried the lady eagerly; she went to the window and called, +"Jethro, Jethro!" + +The person thus addressed, the old house-steward, appeared, and Dorothea +began to discuss with him as to which of the inhabitants of the oasis +might be disposed to let them have some able-bodied men, and whether it +might not be possible to employ one or another of the house-slaves at the +building. + +All that she said was judicious and precise, and showed that she herself +superintended her household in every detail, and was accustomed to +command with complete freedom. + +"That tall Anubis then is really indispensable in the stable?" she asked +in conclusion. The steward, who up to this moment had spoken shortly and +intelligently, hesitated to answer; at the same time he looked up at +Petrus, who, sunk in the contemplation of the plan, had his back to him; +his glance, and a deprecating movement, expressed very clearly that he +had something to tell, but feared to speak in the presence of his master. +Dame Dorothea was quick of comprehension, and she quite understood +Jethro's meaning; it was for that very reason that she said with more of +surprise than displeasure: "What does the man mean with his winks? What +I may hear, Petrus may hear too." + +The senator turned, and looked at the steward from head to foot with so +dark a glance, that he drew back, and began to speak quickly. But he was +interrupted by the children's clamors on the stairs and by Sirona, who +brought Hermas to the senator, and said laughing: "I found this great +fellow on the stairs, he was seeking you." + +"Petrus looked at the youth, not very kindly, and asked: "Who are you? +what is your business?" Hermas struggled in vain for speech; the +presence of so many human beings, of whom three were women, filled him +with the utmost confusion. His fingers twisted the woolly curls on his +sheep-skin, and his lips moved but gave no sound; at last he succeeded in +stammering out, "I am the son of old Stephanus, who was wounded in the +last raid of the Saracens. My father has hardly slept these five nights, +and now Paulus has sent me to you--the pious Paulus of Alexandria--but +you know--and so I--" + +"I see, I see," said Petrus with encouraging kindness. "You want some +medicine for the old man. See Dorothea, what a fine young fellow he is +grown, this is the little man that the Antiochian took with him up the +mountain." + +Hermas colored, and drew himself up; then he observed with great +satisfaction that he was taller than the senator's sons, who were of +about the same age as he, and for whom he had a stronger feeling, allied +to aversion and fear, than even for their stern father. Polykarp +measured him with a glance, and said aloud to Sirona, with whom he had +exchanged a greeting, are off whom he had never once taken his eyes since +she had come in: If we could get twenty slaves with such shoulders as +those, we should get on well. There is work to be done here, you big +fellow--" + +"My name is not 'fellow,' but Hermas," said the anchorite, and the veins +of his forehead began to swell Polykarp felt that his father's visitor +was something more than his poor clothing would seem to indicate and that +he had hurt his feelings. He had certainly seen some old anchorites, who +led a contemplative and penitential life up on the sacred mountain, but +it had never occurred to him that a strong youth could be long to the +brotherhood of hermits. So he said to him kindly: "Hermas--is that your +name? We all use our hands here and labor is no disgrace; what is your +handicraft?" + +This question roused the young anchorite to the highest excitement, and +Dame Dorothea, who perceives what was passing in his mind, said with +quick decision: "He nurses his sick father. That is what you do, my son +is it not? Petrus will not refuse you his help." + +"Certainly not," the senator added, "I will accompany you by-and-bye to +see him. You must know my children, that this youth's father was a great +Lord, who gave up rich possessions in order to forget the world, where he +had gone through bitter experiences, and to serve God in his own way, +which we ought to respect though it is not our own. Sit down there, my +son. First we must finish some important business, and then I will go +with you." + +"We live high up on the mountain," stammered Hermas. + +"Then the air will be all the purer," replied the senator. "But stay-- +perhaps the old man is alone no? The good Paulus, you say, is with him? +Then he is in good hands, and you may wait." + +For a moment Petrus stood considering, then he beckoned to his sons, and +said, "Antonius, go at once and see about some slaves--you, Polykarp, +find some strong beasts of burden. You are generally rather easy with +your money, and in this case it is worth while to buy the dearest. The +sooner you return well supplied the better. Action must not halt behind +decision, but follow it quickly and sharply, as the sound follows the +blow. You, Marthana, mix some of the brown fever-potion, and prepare +some bandages; you have the key." + +"I will help her," cried Sirona, who was glad to prove herself useful, +and who was sincerely sorry for the sick old hermit; besides, Hermas +seemed to her like a discovery of her own, for whom she involuntarily +felt more consideration since she had learned that he was the son of a +man of rank. + +While the young women were busy at the medicine-cupboard, Antonius and +Polykarp left the room. + +The latter had already crossed the threshold, when he turned once more, +and cast a long look at Sirona. Then, with a hasty movement, he went on, +closed the door, and with a heavy sigh descended the stairs. + +As soon as his sons were gone, Petrus turned to the steward again. + +"What is wrong with the slave Anubis?" he asked. + +"He is--wounded, hurt," answered Jethro, "and for the next few days will +be useless. The goat-girl Miriam--the wild cat--cut his forehead with +her reaping hook." + +"Why did I not hear of this sooner?" cried Dorothea reprovingly. "What +have you done to the girl?" + +"We have shut her up in the hay loft," answered Jethro, "and there she is +raging and storming." + +The mistress shook her head disapprovingly. "The girl will not be +improved by that treatment," she said. "Go and bring her to me." + +As soon as the intendant had left the room, she exclaimed, turning to her +husband, "One may well be perplexed about these poor creatures, when one +sees how they behave to each other. I have seen it a thousand times! No +judgment is so hard as that dealt by a slave to slaves!" + +Jethro and a woman now led Miriam into the room. The girl's hands were +bound with thick cords, and dry grass clung to her dress and rough black +hair. A dark fire glowed in her eyes, and the muscles of her face moved +incessantly, as if she had St. Vitus' dance. When Dorothea looked at her +she drew herself up defiantly, and looked around the room, as if to +estimate the strength of her enemies. + +She then perceived Hermas; the blood left her lips, with a violent effort +she tore her slender hands out of the loops that confined them, covering +her face with them, and fled to the door. But Jethro put himself in her +way, and seized her shoulder with a strong grasp. Miriam shrieked aloud, +and the senator's daughter, who had set down the medicines she had had +in her hand, and had watched the girl's movements with much sympathy, +hastened towards her. She pushed away the old man's hand, and said, +"Do not be frightened, Miriam. Whatever you may have done, my father +can forgive you." + +Her voice had a tone of sisterly affection, and the shepherdess followed +Marthana unresistingly to the table, on which the plans for the bridge +were lying, and stood there by her side. + +For a minute all were silent; at last Dame Dorothea went up to Miriam, +and asked, "What did they do to you, my poor child, that you could so +forget yourself?" + +Miriam could not understand what was happening to her; she had been +prepared for scoldings and blows, nay for bonds and imprisonment, and now +these gentle words and kind looks! Her defiant spirit was quelled, her +eyes met the friendly eyes of her mistress, and she said in a low voice: +"he had followed me for such a long time, and wanted to ask you for me +as his wife; but I cannot bear him--I hate him as I do all your slaves." +At these words her eyes sparkled wildly again, and with her old fire she +went on, "I wish I had only hit him with a stick instead of a sickle; but +I took what first came to hand to defend myself. When a man touches me-- +I cannot bear it, it is horrible, dreadful! Yesterday I came home later +than usual with the beasts, and by the time I had milked the goats, and +was going to bed, every one in the house was asleep. Then Anubis met me, +and began chattering about love; I repelled him, but he seized me, and +held me with his hand here on my head and wanted to kiss me; then my +blood rose, I caught hold of my reaping hook, that hung by my side, and +it was not till I saw him roaring on the ground, that I saw I had done +wrong. How it happened I really cannot tell--something seemed to rise up +in me--something--I don't know what to call it. It drives me on as the +wind drives the leaves that lie on the road, and I cannot help it. The +best thing you can do is to let me die, for then you would be safe once +for all from my wickedness, and all would be over and done with." + +"How can you speak so?" interrupted Marthana. "You are wild and +ungovernable, but not wicked." + +"Only ask him!" cried the girl, pointing with flashing eyes to Hermas, +who, on his part, looked down a the floor in confusion. The senator +exchanged a hasty glance with his wife, they were accustomed to under +stand each other without speech, and Dorothea said: "He who feels that +he is not what he ought to be is already on the high-road to amendment. +We let you keep the goats because you were always running after the +flocks, and never can rest in the house. You are up on the mountain +before morning-prayer, and never come home till after supper is over, and +no one takes any thought for the better part of you. Half of your guilt +recoils upon us, and we have no right to punish you. You need not be so +astonished; every one some times does wrong. Petrus and I are human +beings like you, neither more nor less; but we are Christians, and it is +our duty to look after the souls which God has entrusted to our care, be +they our children or our slaves. You must go no more up the mountain, +but shall stay with us in the house. I shall willingly forgive your +hasty deed if Petrus does not think it necessary to punish you." + +The senator gravely shook his head in sign of agreement, and Dorothea +turned to enquire of Jethro: "Is Anubis badly wounded and does he need +any care?' + +"He is lying in a fever and wanders in his talk, was the answer. "Old +Praxinoa is cooling his wound with water." + +"Then Miriam can take her place and try to remedy the mischief which she +was the cause of," said Dorothea. "Half of your guilt will be atoned for, +girl, if Anubis recovers under your care. I will come presently with +Marthana, and show you how to make a bandage." The shepherdess cast down +her eyes, and passively allowed herself to be conducted to the wounded +man. + +Meanwhile Marthana had prepared the brown mixture. Petrus had his staff +and felt-hat brought to him, gave Hermas the medicine and desired him to +follow him. + +Sirona looked after the couple as they went. "What a pity for such a +fine lad!" she exclaimed. "A purple coat would suit him better than that +wretched sheepskin." + +The mistress shrugged her shoulders, and signing to her daughter said: +"Come to work, Marthana, the sun is already high. How the days fly! +the older one grows the quicker the hours hurry away." + +"I must be very young then," said the centurion's wife, "for in this +wilderness time seems to me to creep along frightfully slow. One day is +the same as another, and I often feel as if life were standing perfectly +still, and my heart pulses with it. What should I be without your house +and the children?--always the same mountain, the same palm-trees, the +same faces!--" + +"But the mountain is glorious, the trees are beautiful!" answered +Dorothea. "And if we love the people with whom we are in daily +intercourse, even here we may be contented and happy. At least we +ourselves are, so far as the difficulties of life allow. I have often +told you, what you want is work." + +"Work! but for whom?" asked Sirona. "If indeed I had children like you! +Even in Rome I was not happy, far from it; and yet there was plenty to do +and to think about. Here a procession, there a theatre; but here! And +for whom should I dress even? My jewels grow dull in my chest, and the +moths eat my best clothes. I am making doll's clothes now of my colored +cloak for your little ones. If some demon were to transform me into a +hedge-hog or a grey owl, it would be all the same to me." + +"Do not be so sinful," said Dorothea gravely, but looking with kindly +admiration at the golden hair and lovely sweet face of the young woman. +"It ought to be a pleasure to you to dress yourself for your husband." + +"For him?" said Sirona. "He never looks at me, or if he does it is only +to abuse me. The only wonder to me is that I can still be merry at all; +nor am I, except in your house, and not there even but when I forget him +altogether." + +"I will not hear such things said--not another word," interrupted +Dorothea severely. "Take the linen and cooling lotion, Marthana, we will +go and bind up Anubis' wound." + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + +Petrus went up the mountain side with Hermas. The old man followed the +youth, who showed him the way, and as he raised his eyes from time to +time, he glanced with admiration at his guide's broad shoulders and +elastic limbs. The road grew broader when it reached a little mountain +plateau, and from thence the two men walked on side by side, but for some +time without speaking till the senator asked: "How long now has your +father lived up on the mountain?" + +"Many years," answered Hermas. "But I do not know how many--and it is +all one. No one enquires about time up here among us." + +The senator stood still a moment and measured his companion with a +glance. + +"You have been with your father ever since he came?" he asked. + +"He never lets me out of his sight;" replied Hermas. "I have been only +twice into the oasis, even to go to the church." + +"Then you have been to no school?" + +"To what school should I go! My father has taught me to read the Gospels +and I could write, but I have nearly forgotten how. Of what use would it +be to me? We live like praying beasts." + +Deep bitterness sounded in the last words, and Petrus could see into +the troubled spirit of his companion, overflowing as it was with weary +disgust, and he perceived how the active powers of youth revolted in +aversion against the slothful waste of life, to which he was condemned. +He was grieved for the boy, and he was not one of those who pass by those +in peril without helping them. Then he thought of his own sons, who had +grown up in the exercise and fulfilment of serious duties, and he owned +to himself that the fine young fellow by his side was in no way their +inferior, and needed nothing but to be guided aright. He thoughtfully +looked first at the youth and then on the ground, and muttered +unintelligible words into his grey beard as they walked on. Suddenly he +drew himself up and nodded decisively; he would make an attempt to save +Hermas, and faithful to his own nature, action trod on the heels of +resolve. Where the little level ended the road divided, one path +continued to lead upwards, the other deviated to the valley and ended at +the quarries. Petrus was for taking the latter, but Hermas cried out, +"That is not the way to our cave; you must follow me." + +"Follow thou me!" replied the senator, and the words were spoken with a +tone and expression, that left no doubt in the youth's mind as to their +double meaning. "The day is yet before us, and we will see what my +laborers are doing. Do you know the spot where they quarry the stone?" + +"How should I not know it?" said Hermas, passing the senator to lead the +way. "I know every path from our mountain to the oasis, and to the sea. +A panther had its lair in the ravine behind your quarries." + +"So we have learnt," said Petrus. "The thievish beasts have slaughtered +two young camels, and the people can neither catch them in their toils +nor run them down with dogs." + +"They will leave you in peace now," said the boy laughing. "I brought +down the male from the rock up there with an arrow, and I found the +mother in a hollow with her young ones. I had a harder job with her; +my knife is so bad, and the copper blade bent with the blow; I had to +strangle the gaudy devil with my hands, and she tore my shoulder and bit +my arm. Look! there are the scars. But thank God, my wounds heal +quicker than my father's. Paulus says, I am like an, earth-worm; when it +is cut in two the two halves say good-bye to each other, and crawl off +sound and gay, one way, and the other another way. The young panthers +were so funny and helpless, I would not kill them, but I did them up in +my sheepskin, and brought them to my father. He laughed at the little +beggars, and then a Nabataean took them to be sold at Clysma to a +merchant from Rome. There and at Byzantium, there is a demand for all +kinds of living beasts of prey. I got some money for them, and for +the skins of the old ones, and kept it to pay for my journey, when I +went with the others to Alexandria to ask the blessing of the new +Patriarch." + +"You went to the metropolis?" asked Petrus. "You saw the great +structures, that secure the coast from the inroads of the sea, the tall +Pharos with the far-shining fire, the strong bridges, the churches, the +palaces and temples with their obelisks, pillars, and beautiful paved +courts? Did it never enter your mind to think that it would be a proud +thing to construct such buildings?" + +Hermas shook his head. "Certainly I would rather live in an airy house +with colonnades than in our dingy cavern, but building would never be in +my way. What a long time it takes to put one stone on another! I am not +patient, and when I leave my father I will do something that shall win me +fame. But there are the quarries--" Petrus did not let his companion +finish his sentence, but interrupted him with all the warmth of youth, +exclaiming: "And do you mean to say that fame cannot be won by the arts +of building? Look there at the blocks and flags, here at the pillars of +hard stone. These are all to be sent to Aila, and there my son Antonius, +the elder of the two that you saw just now, is going to build a House of +God, with strong walls and pillars, much larger and handsomer than our +church in the oasis, and that is his work too. He is not much older than +you are, and already he is famous among the people far and wide. Out of +those red blocks down there my younger son Polykarp will hew noble lions, +which are destined to decorate the finest building in the capital itself. +When you and I, and all that are now living, shall have been long since +forgotten, still it will be said these are the work of the Master +Polykarp, the son of Petrus, the Pharanite. What he can do is certainly +a thing peculiar to himself, no one who is not one of the chosen and +gifted ones can say, 'I will learn to do that.' But you have a sound +understanding, strong hands and open eyes, and who can tell what else +there is hidden in you. If you could begin to learn soon, it would not +yet be too late to make a worthy master of you, but of course he who +would rise so high must not be afraid of work. Is your mind set upon +fame? That is quite right, and I am very glad of it; but you must know +that he who would gather that rare fruit must water it, as a noble +heathen once said, with the sweat of his brow. Without trouble and labor +and struggles there can be no victory, and men rarely earn fame without +fighting for victory." + +The old man's vehemence was contagious; the lad's spirit was roused, and +he exclaimed warmly: "What do you say? that I am afraid of struggles and +trouble? I am ready to stake everything, even my life, only to win fame. +But to measure stone, to batter defenceless blocks with a mallet and +chisel, or to join the squares with accurate pains--that does not tempt +me. I should like to win the wreath in the Palaestra by flinging the +strongest to the ground, or surpass all others as a warrior in battle; my +father was a soldier too, and he may talk as much as he will of 'peace,' +and nothing but 'peace,' all the same in his dreams he speaks of bloody +strife and burning wounds. If you only cure him I will stay no longer on +this lonely mountain, even if I must steal away in secret. For what did +God give me these arms, if not to use them?" + +Petrus made no answer to these words, which came is a stormy flood from +Hermas' lips, but he stroked his grey beard, and thought to himself, +"The young of the eagle does not catch flies. I shall never win over +this soldier's son to our peaceful handicraft, but he shall not remain on +the mountain among these queer sluggards, for there he is being ruined, +and yet he is not of a common sort." + +When he had given a few orders to the overseer of his workmen, he +followed the young man to see his suffering father. + +It was now some hours since Hermas and Paulus had left the wounded +anchorite, and he still lay alone in his cave. The sun, as it rose +higher and higher, blazed down upon the rocks, which began to radiate +their heat, and the hermit's dwelling was suffocatingly hot. The pain of +the poor man's wound increased, his fever was greater, and he was very +thirsty. There stood the jug, which Paulus had given him, but it was +long since empty, and neither Paulus nor Hermas had come back. He +listened anxiously to the sounds in the distance, and fancied at first +that he heard the Alexandrian's footstep, and then that he heard loud +words and suppressed groans coming from his cave. Stephanus tried to +call out, but he himself could hardly hear the feeble sound, which, with +his wounded breast and parched mouth, he succeeded in uttering. Then +he fain would have prayed, but fearful mental anguish disturbed his +devotion. All the horrors of desertion came upon him, and he who had +lived a life overflowing with action and enjoyment, with disenchantment +and satiety, who now in solitude carried on an incessant spiritual +struggle for the highest goal--this man felt himself as disconsolate +and lonely as a bewildered child that has lost its mother. + +He lay on his bed of pain softly crying, and when he observed by the +shadow of the rock that the sun had passed its noonday height, +indignation and bitter feeling were added to pain, thirst and weariness. +He doubled his fists and muttered words which sounded like soldier's +oaths, and with them the name now of Paulus, now of his son. At last +anguish gained the upperhand of his anger, and it seemed to him, as +though he were living over again the most miserable hour of his life, +an hour now long since past and gone. + +He thought he was returning from a noisy banquet in the palace of the +Caesars. His slaves had taken the garlands of roses and poplar leaves +from his brow and breast, and robed him in his night-dress; now, with a +silver lamp in his hand, he was approaching his bedroom, and he smiled, +for his young wife was awaiting him, the mother of his Hermas. She was +fair and he loved her well, and he had brought home witty sayings to +repeat to her from the table of the emperor. He, if any one, had a right +to smile. Now he was in the ante-room, in which two slave-women were +accustomed to keep watch; he found only one, and she was sleeping and +breathing deeply; he still smiled as he threw the light upon her face-- +how stupid she looked with her mouth open! An alabaster lamp shed a dim +light in the bed-room, softly and still smiling he went up to Glycera's +ivory couch, and held up his lamp, and stared at the empty and +undisturbed bed--and the smile faded from his lips. The smile of that +evening came back to him no more through all the long years, for Glycera +had betrayed him, and left him--him and her child. All this had happened +twenty years since, and to-day all that he had then felt had returned to +him, and he saw his wife's empty couch with his "mind's eye," as plainly +as he had then seen it, and he felt as lonely and as miserable as in that +night. But now a shadow appeared before the opening of the cave, and he +breathed a deep sigh as he felt himself released from the hideous vision, +for he had recognized Paulus, who came up and knelt down beside him. + +"Water, water!" Stephanus implored in a low voice, and Paulus, who was +cut to the heart by the moaning of the old man, which he had not heard +till he entered the cave, seized the pitcher. He looked into it, and, +finding it quite dry, he rushed down to the spring as if he were running +for a wager, filled it to the brim and brought it to the lips of the sick +man, who gulped the grateful drink down with deep draughts, and at last +exclaimed with a sigh of relief; "That is better; why were you so long +away? I was so thirsty!" Paulus who had fallen again on his knees by +the old man, pressed his brow against the couch, and made no reply. +Stephanus gazed in astonishment at his companion, but perceiving that he +was weeping passionately he asked no further questions. Perfect +stillness reigned in the cave for about an hour; at last Paulus raised +his face, and said, "Forgive me Stephanus. I forgot your necessity in +prayer and scourging, in order to recover the peace of mind I had trifled +away--no heathen would have done such a thing!" The sick man stroked his +friend's arm affectionately; but Paulus murmured, "Egoism, miserable +egoism guides and governs us. Which of us ever thinks of the needs of +others? And we--we who profess to walk in the way of the Lamb!" + +He sighed deeply, and leaned his head on the sick man's breast, who +lovingly stroked his rough hair, and it was thus that the senator found +him, when he entered the cave with Hermas. + +The idle way of life of the anchorites was wholly repulsive to his views +of the task for men and for Christians, but he succored those whom he +could, and made no enquiries about the condition of the sufferer. The +pathetic union in which he found the two men touched his heart, and, +turning to Paulus, he said kindly: "I can leave you in perfect comfort, +for you seem to me to have a faithful nurse." + +The Alexandrian reddened; he shook his head, and replied: "I? I thought +of no one but myself, and left him to suffer and thirst in neglect, but +now I will not quit him--no, indeed, I will not, and by God's help and +yours, he shall recover." + +Petrus gave him a friendly nod, for he did not believe in the anchorite's +self-accusation, though he did in his good-will; and before he left the +cave, he desired Hermas to come to him early on the following day to give +him news of his father's state. He wished not only to cure Stephanus, +but to continue his relations with the youth, who had excited his +interest in the highest degree, and he had resolved to help him to escape +from the inactive life which was weighing upon him. + +Paulus declined to share the simple supper that the father and son were +eating, but expressed his intention of remaining with the sick man. He +desired Hermas to pass the night in his dwelling, as the scanty limits of +the cave left but narrow room for the lad. + +A new life had this day dawned upon the young man; all the grievances and +desires which had filled his soul ever since his journey to Alexandria, +crowding together in dull confusion, had taken form and color, and he +knew now that he could not remain an anchorite, but must try his over +abundant strength in real life. + +"My father," thought he, "was a warrior, and lived in a palace, before he +retired into our dingy cave; Paulus was Menander, and to this day has not +forgotten how to throw the discus; I am young, strong, and free-born as +they were, and Petrus says, I might have been a fine man. I will not hew +and chisel stones like his sons, but Caesar needs soldiers, and among all +the Amalekites, nay among the Romans in the oasis, I saw none with whom I +might not match myself." + +While thus he thought he stretched his limbs, and struck his hands on his +broad breast, and when he was asleep, he dreamed of the wrestling school, +and of a purple robe that Paulus held out to him, of a wreath of poplar +leaves that rested on his scented curls, and of the beautiful woman who +had met him on the stairs of the senator's house. + + + + +ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS: + +Action trod on the heels of resolve +Homo sum; humani nil a me alienum puto +I am human, nothing that is human can I regard as alien to me +Love is at once the easiest and the most difficult +Love overlooks the ravages of years and has a good memory +No judgment is so hard as that dealt by a slave to slaves +No man is more than man, and many men are less +Sky as bare of cloud as the rocks are of shrubs and herbs +Sleep avoided them both, and each knew that the other was awake +The older one grows the quicker the hours hurry away +To pray is better than to bathe +Wakefulness may prolong the little term of life + + + + + + +HOMO SUM + +By Georg Ebers + +Volume 2. + + +CHAPTER V. + +Thanks to the senator's potion Stephanus soon fell asleep. Paulus sat +near him and did not stir; he held his breath, and painfully suppressed +even an impulse to cough, so as not to disturb the sick man's light +slumbers. + +An hour after midnight the old man awoke, and after he had lain +meditating for some time with his eyes open, he said thoughtfully: "You +called yourself and us all egotistic, and I certainly am so. I have +often said so to myself; not for the first time to day, but for weeks +past, since Hermas came back from Alexandria, and seems to have forgotten +how to laugh. He is not happy, and when I ask myself what is to become +of him when I am dead, and if he turns from the Lord and seeks the +pleasures of the world, my heart sickens. I meant it for the best when +I brought him with me up to the Holy Mountain, but that was not the only +motive--it seemed to me too hard to part altogether from the child. +My God! the young of brutes are secure of their mother's faithful love, +and his never asked for him when she fled from my house with her seducer. +I thought he should at least not lose his father, and that if he grew up +far away from the world he would be spared all the sorrow that it had so +profusely heaped upon me, I would have brought him up fit for Heaven, and +yet through a life devoid of suffering. And now--and now? If he is +miserable it will be through me, and added to all my other troubles comes +this grief." + +"You have sought out the way for him," interrupted Paulus, "and the rest +will be sure to come; he loves you and will certainly not leave you so +long as you are suffering." + +"Certainly not?" asked the sick man sadly. "And what weapons has he to +fight through life with?" + +"You gave him the Saviour for a guide; that is enough," said Paulus +soothingly. "There is no smooth road from earth to Heaven, and none can +win salvation for another." + +Stephanus was silent for a long time, then he said: "It is not even +allowed to a father to earn the wretched experience of life for his son, +or to a teacher for his pupil. We may point out the goal, but the way +thither is by a different road for each of us." + +"And we may thank God for that," cried Paulus. "For Hermas has been +started on the road which you and I had first to find for ourselves." + +"You and I," repeated the sick man thoughtfully. "Yes, each of us has +sought his own way, but has enquired only which was his own way, and has +never concerned himself about that of the other. Self! self!--How many +years we have dwelt close together, and I have never felt impelled to ask +you what you could recall to mind about your youth, and how you were led +to grace. I learnt by accident that you were an Alexandrian, and had +been a heathen, and had suffered much for the faith, and with that I was +satisfied. Indeed you do not seem very ready to speak of those long past +days. Our neighbor should be as dear to us as our self, and who is +nearer to me than you? Aye, self and selfishness! There are many gulfs +on the road towards God." + +"I have not much to tell," said Paulus. "But a man never forgets what +he once has been. We may cast the old man from us, and believe we have +shaken ourselves free, when lo! it is there again and greets us as an old +acquaintance. If a frog only once comes down from his tree he hops back +into the pond again." + +"It is true, memory can never die!" cried the sick man. "I can not sleep +any more; tell me about your early life and how you became a Christian. +When two men have journeyed by the same road, and the moment of parting +is at hand, they are fain to ask each other's name and where they came +from." + +Paulus gazed for some time into space, and then he began: "The companions +of my youth called me Menander, the son of Herophilus. Besides that, I +know for certain very little of my youth, for as I have already told you, +I have long since ceased to allow myself to think of the world. He who +abandons a thing, but clings to the idea of the thing, continues--" + +"That sounds like Plato," said Stephanus with a smile. + +"All that heathen farrago comes back to me today," cried Paulus. "I used +to know it well, and I have often thought that his face must have +resembled that of the Saviour." + +"But only as a beautiful song might resemble the voice of an angel," said +Stephanus somewhat drily. "He who plunges into the depths of philosophic +systems--" + +"That never was quite my case," said Paulus. "I did indeed go through +the whole educational course; Grammar, Rhetoric, Dialectic and Music--" + +"And Arithmetic, Geometry, and Astronomy," added Stephanus. + +"Those were left to the learned many years since," continued Paulus, +"and I was never very eager for learning. In the school of Rhetoric I +remained far behind my fellows, and if Plato was dear to me I owe it to +Paedonomus of Athens, a worthy man whom my father engaged to teach us." + +"They say he had been a great merchant," interrupted Stephanus. "Can it +be that you were the son of that rich Herophilus, whose business in +Antioch was conducted by the worthy Jew Urbib?" + +"Yes indeed," replied Paulus, looking down at the ground in some +confusion. "Our mode of life was almost royal, and the multitude of our +slaves quite sinful. When I look back on all the vain trifles that my +father had to care for, I feel quite giddy. Twenty sea-going ships in +the harbor of Eunostus, and eighty Nile-boats on Lake Mareotis belonged +to him. His profits on the manufacture of papyrus might have maintained +a cityfull of poor. But we needed our revenues for other things. Our +Cyraenian horses stood in marble stalls, and the great hall, in which my +father's friends were wont to meet, was like a temple. But you see how +the world takes possession of us, when we begin to think about it! +Rather let us leave the past in peace. You want me to tell you more of +myself? Well; my childhood passed like that of a thousand other rich +citizens' sons, only my mother, indeed, was exceptionally beautiful and +sweet, and of angelic goodness." + +"Every child thinks his own mother the best of mothers," murmured the +sick man. + +"Mine certainly was the best to me," cried Paulus. "And yet she was a +heathen. When my father hurt me with severe words of blame, she always +had a kind word and loving glance for me. There was little enough, +indeed, to praise in me. Learning was utterly distasteful to me, and +even if I had done better at school, it would hardy have counted for much +to my credit, for my brother Apollonius, who was about a year younger +than I, learned all the most difficult things as if they were mere +child's play, and in dialectic exercises there soon was no rhetorician in +Alexandria who could compete with him. No system was unknown to him, and +though no one ever knew of his troubling himself particularly to study, +he nevertheless was master of many departments of learning. There were +but two things in which I could beat him--in music, and in all athletic +exercises; while he was studying and disputing I was winning garlands in +the palaestra. But at that time the best master of rhetoric and argument +was the best man, and my father, who himself could shine in the senate as +an ardent and elegant orator, looked upon me as a half idiotic ne'er-do- +weel, until one clay a learned client of our house presented him with a +pebble on which was carved an epigram to this effect: 'He who would see +the noblest gifts of the Greek race, should visit the house of +Herophilus, for there he might admire strength and vigor of body in +Menander, and the same qualities of mind in Apollonius.' These lines, +which were written in the form of a lute, passed from mouth to mouth, and +gratified my father's ambition; from that time he had words of praise for +me when my quadriga won the race in the Hippodrome, or when I came home +crowned from the wrestling-ring, or the singing match. My whole life was +spent in the baths and the palaestra, or in gay feasting." + +"I know it all," exclaimed Stephanus interrupting him, "and the memory of +it all often disturbs me. Did you find it easy to banish these images +from your mind?" + +"At first I had a hard fight," sighed Paulus. "But for some time now, +since I have passed my fortieth year, the temptations of the world +torment me less often. Only I must keep out of the way of the carriers +who bring fish from the fishing towns on the sea, and from Raithu to the +oasis." + +Stephanus looked enquiringly at the speaker, and Paulus went on: "Yes, it +is very strange. I may see men or women--the sea yonder or the mountain +here, without ever thinking of Alexandria, but only of sacred things; but +when the savor of fish rises up to my nostrils I see the market and fish +stalls and the oysters--" + +"Those of Kanopus are famous," interrupted Steplianus, "they make little +pasties there--"Paulus passed the back of his hand over his bearded lips, +exclaiming, "At the shop of the fat cook--Philemon--in the street of +Herakleotis." But he broke off, and cried with an impulse of shame, "It +were better that I should cease telling of my past life. The day does +not dawn yet, and you must try to sleep." + +"I cannot sleep," sighed Stephanus; "if you love me go on with your +story." + +"But do not interrupt me again then," said Paulus, and he went on: +"With all this gay life I was not happy--by no means. When I was alone +sometimes, and no longer sitting in the crowd of merry boon-companions +and complaisant wenches, emptying the wine cup and crowned with poplar, +I often felt as if I were walking on the brink of a dark abyss as if +every thing in myself and around me were utterly hollow and empty. I +could stand gazing for hours at the sea, and as the waves rose only to +sink again and vanish, I often reflected that I was like them, and that +the future of my frivolous present must be a mere empty nothing. Our +gods were of little account with us. My mother sacrificed now in one +temple, and now in another, according to the needs of the moment; my +father took part in the high festivals, but he laughed at the belief of +the multitude, and my brother talked of the 'Primaeval Unity,' and dealt +with all sorts of demons, and magic formulas. He accepted the doctrine +of Iamblichus, Ablavius, and the other Neoplatonic philosophers, which to +my poor understanding seemed either superhumanly profound or else +debasingly foolish; nevertheless my memory retains many of his sayings, +which I have learned to understand here in my loneliness. It is vain to +seek reason outside ourselves; the highest to which we can attain is for +reason to behold itself in us! As often as the world sinks into +nothingness in my soul, and I live in God only, and have Him, and +comprehend Him, and feel Him only--then that doctrine recurs to me. How +all these fools sought and listened everywhere for the truth which was +being proclaimed in their very ears! There were Christians everywhere +about me, and at that time they had no need to conceal themselves, but I +had nothing to do with them. Twice only did they cross my path; once I +was not a little annoyed when, on the Hippodrome, a Christian's horses +which had been blessed by a Nazarite, beat mine; and on another occasion +it seemed strange to me when I myself received the blessing of an old +Christian dock-laborer, having pulled his son out of the water. + +"Years went on; my parents died. My mother's last glance was directed at +me, for I had always been her favorite child. They said too that I was +like her, I and my sister Arsinoe, who, soon after my father's death, +married the Prefect Pompey. At the division of the property I gave up to +my brother the manufactories and the management of the business, nay even +the house in the city, though, as the elder brother, I had a right to it, +and I took in exchange the land near the Kanopic gate, and filled the +stables there with splendid horses, and the lofts with not less noble +wine. This I needed, because I gave up the days to baths and contests in +the arena, and the nights to feasting, sometimes at my own house, +sometimes at a friend's, and sometimes in the taverns of Kanopus, where +the fairest Greek girls seasoned the feasts with singing and dancing. + +"What have these details of the vainest worldly pleasure to do with my +conversion, you will ask. But listen a while. When Saul went forth to +seek his father's asses he found a crown. + +"One day we had gone out in our gilded boats, and the Lesbian girl +Archidike had made ready a feast for us in her house, a feast such as +could scarcely be offered even in Rome. + +"Since the taking of our city by Diocletian, after the insurrection of +Achilleus, the Imperial troops who came to Alexandria behaved insolently +enough. Between some of my friends, and certain of the young officers of +Roman patrician families, there had been a good deal of rough banter for +some months past, as to their horses, women--I know not what; and it +happened that we met these very gentry at the house of Archidike. + +"Sharp speeches were made, which the soldiers replied to after their +fashion, and at last they came to insulting words, and as the wine heated +us and them, to loud threats. + +"The Romans left the house of entertainment before we did. Crowned with +garlands, singing, and utterly careless, we followed soon after them, and +had almost reached the quay, when a noisy troop rushed out of a side +street, and fell upon us with naked weapons. The moon was high in the +heavens, and I could recognize some of our adversaries. I threw myself +on a tall tribune, throttled him, and, as he fell, I fell with him in the +dust. I am but dimly conscious of what followed, for sword-strokes were +showered upon me, and all grew black before my eyes. I only know what I +thought then, face to face with death." + +"Well--?" asked Stephanus. + +"I thought," said Paulus reddening, "of my fighting-quails at +Alexandria, and whether they had had any water. Then my dull heavy +unconsciousness increased; for weeks I lay in that state, for I was +hacked like sausage-meat; I had twelve wounds, not counting the slighter +ones, and any one else would have died of any one of them. You have +often wondered at my scars." + +"And whom did the Lord choose then to be the means of your salvation?" + +"When I recovered my senses," continued Paulus, "I was lying in a large, +clean room behind a curtain of light material; I could not raise myself, +but just as if I had been sleeping so many minutes instead of days, I +thought again directly of my quails. In their last fight my best cock +had severely handled handsome Nikander's, and yet he wanted to dispute +the stakes with me, but I would assert my rights! At least the quails +should fight again, and if Nikander should refuse I would force him to +fight me with his fists in the Palaestra, and give him a blue reminder of +his debt on the eye. My hands were still weak, and yet I clenched them +as I thought of the vexatious affair. 'I will punish him,' I muttered to +myself. + +"Then I heard the door of the room open, and I saw three men respectfully +approaching a fourth. He greeted them with dignity, but yet with +friendliness, and rolled up a scroll which he had been reading, I would +have called out, but I could not open my parched lips, and yet I saw and +heard all that was going on around me in the room. + +"It all seemed strange enough to me then; even the man's mode of greeting +was unusual. I soon perceived that he who sat in the chair was a judge, +and that the others had come as complainants; they were all three old and +poor, but some good men had left them the use and interest of a piece of +land. During seed-time one of them, a fine old man with long white hair, +had been ill, and he had not been able to help in the harvest either; +'and now they want to withhold his portion of the corn,' thought I; but +it was quite otherwise. The two men who were in health had taken a third +part of the produce to the house of the sick man, and he obstinately +refused to accept the corn because he had helped neither to sow nor to +reap it, and he demanded of the judge that he should signify to the other +two that he had no right to receive goods which he had not earned. + +"The judge had so far kept silence. But he now raised his sagacious and +kindly face and asked the old man, 'Did you pray for your companions and +for the increase of their labors?' + +"'I did,' replied the other. + +"'Then by your intercession you helped them,' the judge decided, 'and the +third part of the produce is yours and you must keep it.' + +"The old man bowed, the three men shook hands, and in a few minutes the +judge was alone in the room again. + +"I did not know what had come over me; the complaint of the men and the +decision of the judge seemed to me senseless, and yet both the one and +the other touched my heart. I went to sleep again, and when I awoke +refreshed the next morning the judge came up to me and gave me medicine, +not only for my body but also for my soul, which certainly was not less +in need of it than my poor wounded limbs." + +"Who was the judge?" asked Stephanus. + +"Eusebius, the Presbyter of Kanopus. Some Christians had found me half +dead on the road, and had carried me into his house, for the widow +Theodora, his sister, was the deaconess of the town. The two had nursed +me as if I were their dearest brother. It was not till I grew stronger +that they showed me the cross and the crown of thorns of Him who for my +sake also had taken upon Him such far more cruel suffering than mine, and +they taught me to love His wounds, and to bear my own with submission. +In the dry wood of despair soon budded green shoots of hope, and instead +of annihilation at the end of this life they showed me Heaven and all its +joys. + +"I became a new man, and before me there lay in the future an eternal and +blessed existence; after this life I now learned to look forward to +eternity. The gates of Heaven were wide open before me, and I was +baptized at Kanopus. + +"In Alexandria they had mourned for me as dead, and my sister Arsinoe, as +heiress to my property, had already moved into my country-house with her +husband, the prefect. I willingly left her there, and now lived again in +the city, in order to support the brethren, as the persecutions had begun +again. + +"This was easy for me, as through my brother-in-law I could visit all the +prisons; at last I was obliged to confess the faith, and I suffered much +on the rack and in the porphyry quarries; but every pain was dear to me, +for it seemed to bring me nearer to the goal of my longings, and if I +find ought to complain of up here on the Holy Mountain, it is only that +the Lord deems me unworthy to suffer harder things, when his beloved and +only Son took such bitter torments on himself for me and for every +wretched sinner." + +"Ah! saintly man!" murmured Stephanus, devoutly kissing Paulus' sheep- +skin; but Paulus pulled it from him, exclaiming hastily: + +"Cease, pray cease--he who approaches me with honors now in this life +throws a rock in my way to the life of the blessed. Now I will go to the +spring and fetch you some fresh water." + +When Paulus returned with the water-jar he found Hermas, who had come to +wish his father good-morning before he went down to the oasis to fetch +some new medicine from the senator. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + +Sirona was sitting at the open window of her bedroom, having her hair +arranged by a black woman that her husband had bought in Rome. She +sighed, while the slave lightly touched the shining tresses here and +there with perfumed oil which she had poured into the palm of her hand; +then she firmly grasped the long thick waving mass of golden hair and was +parting it to make a plait, when Sirona stopped her, saying, "Give me the +mirror." + +For some minutes she looked with a melancholy gaze at the image in the +polished metal, then she sighed again; she picked up the little greyhound +that lay at her feet, and placing it in her lap, showed the animal its +image in the mirror. + +"There, poor Iambe," she said, "if we two, inside these four walls, want +to see anything like a pleasing sight we must look at ourselves." + +Then she went on, turning to the slave. "How the poor little beast +trembles! I believe it longs to be back again at Arelas, and is afraid +we shall linger too long under this burning sky. Give me my sandals." + +The black woman reached her mistress two little slippers with gilt +ornaments on the slight straps, but Sirona flung her hair off her face +with the back of her hand, exclaiming, "The old ones, not these. Wooden +shoes even would do here." + +And with these words she pointed to the court-yard under the window, +which was in fact as ill contrived, as though gilt sandals had never yet +trodden it. It was surrounded by buildings; on one side was a wall with +a gateway, and on the others buildings which formed a sharply bent +horseshoe. + +Opposite the wing in which Sirona and her husband had found a home stood +the much higher house of Petrus, and both had attached to them, in the +background of the court-yard, sheds constructed of rough reddish brown +stones, and covered with a thatch of palm-branches; in these the +agricultural implements were stored, and the senator's slaves lived. In +front lay a heap of black charcoal, which was made on the spot by burning +the wood of the thorny sajala species of acacia; and there too lay a +goodly row of well smoothed mill-stones, which were shaped in the quarry, +and exported to Egypt. At this early hour the whole unlovely domain lay +in deep shadow, and was crowded with fowls and pigeons. Sirona's window +alone was touched by the morning sun. If she could have known what a +charm the golden light shed over her figure, on her rose and white face, +and her shining hair, she would have welcomed the day-star, instead of +complaining that it had too early waked her from sleep--her best comfort +in her solitude. + +Besides a few adjoining rooms she was mistress of a larger room, the +dwelling room, which look out upon the street. + +She shaded her eyes with her hand, exclaiming, "Oh! the wearisome sun. +It looks at us the first thing in the morning through the window; as if +the day were not long enough. The beds must be put in the front room; I +insist upon it." + +The slave shook her head, and stammered an answer, "Phoebicius will not +have it so." + +Sirona's eyes flashed angrily, and her voice, which was particularly +sweet, trembled slightly as she asked, "What is wrong with him again?" + +"He says," replied the slave, "that the senator's son, Polykarp, goes +oftener past your window than altogether pleases him, and it seems to +him, that you occupy yourself more than is necessary with his little +brothers and sisters, and the other children up there." + +"Is he still in there?" asked Sirona with glowing cheeks, and she +pointed threateningly to the dwelling-room. + +"The master is out," stuttered the old woman. "He went out before +sunrise. You are not to wait for breakfast, he will not return till +late." + +The Gaulish lady made no answer, but her head fell, and the deepest +melancholy overspread her features. The greyhound seemed to feel for the +troubles of his mistress, for he fawned upon her, as if to kiss her. The +solitary woman pressed the little creature, which had come with her from +her home, closely to her bosom; for an unwonted sense of wretchedness +weighed upon her heart, and she felt as lonely, friendless, and +abandoned, as if she were driving alone--alone--over a wide and shoreless +sea. She shuddered, as if she were cold--for she thought of her husband, +the man who here in the desert should have been all in all to her, but +whose presence filled her with aversion, whose indifference had ceased to +wound her, and whose tenderness she feared far more than his wild +irritability--she had never loved him. + +She had grown up free from care among a number of brothers and sisters. +Her father had been the chief accountant of the decurions' college in his +native town, and he had lived opposite the circus, where, being of a +stern temper, he had never permitted his daughters to look on at the +games; but he could not prevent their seeing the crowd streaming into the +amphitheatre, or hearing their shouts of delight, and their eager cries +of approbation. + +Sirona thus grew up in the presence of other people's pleasure, and in a +constantly revived and never satisfied longing to share it; she had, +indeed, no time for unnecessary occupations, for her mother died before +she was fully grown up, and she was compelled to take charge of the eight +younger children. This she did in all fidelity, but in her hours of +leisure she loved to listen to the stories told her by the wives of +officials, who had seen, and could praise, the splendors of Rome the +golden. + +She knew that she was fair, for she need only go outside the house to +hear it said; but though she longed to see the capital, it was not for +the sake of being admired, but because there was there so much that was +splendid to see and to admire. So, when the Centurion Phoebicius, the +commandant of the garrison of her native town, was transferred to Rome, +and when he desired to take the seventeen-years-old girl with him to the +imperial city, as his wife--she was more than forty years younger than +he--she followed him full of hope and eager anticipation. + +Not long after their marriage she started for Rome by sea from Massilia, +accompanied by an old relative; and he went by land at the head of his +cohorts. + +She reached their destination long before her husband, and without +waiting for him, but constantly in the society of her old duenna, she +gave herself up with the freedom and eagerness of her fresh youth to the +delights of seeing and admiring. + +It did not escape her, while she did so, that she attracted all eyes +wherever she went, and however much this flattered and pleased her at +first, it spoilt many of her pleasures, when the Romans, young and old, +began to follow and court her. At last Phoebicius arrived, and when he +found his house crowded with his wife's admirers he behaved to Sirona as +though she had long since betrayed his honor. + +Nevertheless he dragged her from pleasure to pleasure, and from one +spectacle to another, for it gratified him to show himself in public with +his beautiful young wife. She certainly was not free from frivolity, but +she had learnt early from her strict father, as being the guide of her +younger sisters, to distinguish clearly right from wrong, and the pure +from the unclean; and she soon discovered that the joys of the capital, +which had seemed at first to be gay flowers with bright colors, and +redolent with intoxicating perfume, bloomed on the surface of a foul bog. + +She at first had contemplated all that was beautiful, pleasant, and +characteristic with delight; but her husband took pleasure only in things +which revolted her as being common and abominable. He watched her every +glance, and yet he pointed nothing out to her, but what was hurtful to +the feelings of a pure woman. Pleasure became her torment, for the +sweetest wine is repulsive when it has been tasted by impure lips. +After every feast and spectacle he loaded her with outrageous reproaches, +and when at last, weary of such treatment, she refused to quit the house, +he obliged her nevertheless to accompany him as often as the Legate +Quintillus desired it. The legate was his superior-officer, and he sent +her every day some present or flowers. + +Up to this time she had borne with him, and had tried to excuse him, and +to think herself answerable for much of what she endured. But at last-- +about ten months after her marriage--something occurred between her and +Phoebicius--something which stood like a wall of brass between him and +her; and as this something had led to his banishment to the remote oasis, +and to his degradation to the rank of captain of a miserable maniple, +instead of his obtaining his hoped for promotion, he began to torment her +systematically while she tried to protect herself by icy coldness, so +that at last it came to this, that the husband, for whom she felt nothing +but contempt, had no more influence on her life, than some physical pain +which a sick man is doomed to endure all through his existence. + +In his presence she was silent, defiant, and repellent, but as soon as he +quitted her, her innate, warm-hearted kindliness and child-like merriment +woke up to new life, and their fairest blossoms opened out in the +senator's house among the little troop who amply repaid her love with +theirs. + +Phoebicius belonged to the worshippers of Mithras, and he often fasted +in his honor to the point of exhaustion, while on the other hand he +frequently drank with his boon companions, at the feasts of the god, +till he was in a state of insensibility. + +Here even, in Mount Sinai, he had prepared a grotto for the feast of +Mithras, had gathered together a few companions in his faith, and when it +happened that he remained out all day and all night, and came home paler +even than usual, she well knew where he had been. Just now she vividly +pictured to herself the person of this man with his eyes, that now were +dull with sleep and now glowed with rage, and she asked herself whether +it were indeed possible that of her own free will she had chosen to +become his wife. Her bosom heaved with quicker breathing as she +remembered the ignominy he had subjected her to in Rome, and she clenched +her small hands. At this instant the little dog sprang from her lap and +flew barking to the window-sill; she was easily startled, and she drew on +her morning-gown, which had slipped from her white shoulders; then she +fastened the straps of her sandals, and went to look down into the court- +yard. + +A smile played upon her lips as she perceived young Hermas, who had +already been for some time leaning motionless against the wall of the +house opposite, and devouring with his gaze the figure of the beautiful +young woman. She had a facile and volatile nature. Like the eye which +retains no impression of the disabling darkness so soon as the rays of +light have fallen on it, no gloom of suffering touched her so deeply that +the lightest breath of a new pleasure could not blow her troubles to the +winds. Many rivers are quite different in color at their source and at +their mouth, and so it was often with her tears; she began to weep for +sorrow, and then found it difficult to dry her eyes for sheer overflow of +mirth. It would have been so easy for Phoebicius to make her lot a fair +one! for she had a most susceptible heart, and was grateful for the +smallest proofs of love, but between him and her every bond was broken. + +The form and face of Hermas took her fancy; she thought he looked of +noble birth in spite of his poor clothing, and when she observed that his +checks were glowing, and that the hand in which he held the medicine +phial trembled, she understood that he was watching her, and that the +sight of her had stirred his youthful blood. A woman--still more a woman +who is pleased to please--forgives any sin that is committed for her +beauty's sake, and Sirona's voice had a friendly ring in it as she bid +Hermas good-morning and asked him how his father was, and whether the +senator's medicine had been of service. The youth's answers were short +and confused, but his looks betrayed that he would fain have said quite +other things than those which his indocile tongue allowed him to +reiterate timidly. + +"Dame Dorothea was telling me last evening," she said kindly, "that +Petrus had every hope of your father's recovery, but that he is still +very weak. Perhaps some good wine would be of service to him--not +to-day, but to-morrow or the day after. Only come to me if you need it; +we have some old Falerman in the loft, and white Mareotis wine, which is +particularly good and wholesome." + +Hermas thanked her, and as she still urged him to apply to her in all +confidence, he took courage and succeeded in stammering rather than +saying,--"You are as good as you are beautiful." + +The words were hardly spoken when the topmost stone of an elaborately +constructed pile near the slaves' house fell down with a loud clatter. +Sirona started and drew back from the window, the grey-hound set up a +loud barking, and Hermas struck his forehead with his hand as if he were +roused from a dream. + +In a few instants he had knocked at the senator's door; hardly had he +entered the house when Miriam's slight form passed across behind the pile +of stones, and vanished swiftly and silently into the slaves' quarters. +These were by this time deserted by their inhabitants, who were busy in +the field, the house, or the quarries; they consisted of a few ill- +lighted rooms with bare, unfinished walls. + +The shepherdess went into the smallest, where, on a bed of palm-sticks, +lay the slave that she had wounded, and who turned over as with a hasty +hand she promptly laid a fresh, but ill-folded bandage, all askew on the +deep wound in his bend. As soon as this task was fulfilled she left the +room again, placed herself behind the half open door which led into the +court-yard, and, pressing, her brow against the stone door-post, looked +first at the senator's house, and then at Sirona's window, while her +breath came faster and faster. + +A new and violent emotion was stirring her young soul; not many minutes +since she had squatted peacefully on the ground by the side of the +wounded man, with her head resting on her hand, and thinking of her goats +on the mountain. Then she had heard a slight sound in the court, which +any one else would not have noticed; but she not only perceived it, but +knew with perfect certainty with whom it originated. She could never +fail to recognize Hermas' foot-step, and it had an irresistible effect +upon her. She raised her head quickly from her hand, and her elbow from +the knee on which it was resting, sprang to her feet, and went out into +the yard. She was hidden by the mill-stones, but she could see Hermas +lost in admiration. She followed the direction of his eyes and saw the +same image which had fascinated his gaze--Sirona's lovely form, flooded +with sunlight. She looked as if formed out of snow, and roses, and gold, +like the angel at the sepulchre in the new picture in the church. Yes, +just like the angel, and the thought flew through her mind how brown and +black she was herself, and that he had called her a she-devil. A sense +of deep pain came over her, she felt as though paralyzed in body and +soul; but soon she shook off the spell, and her heart began to beat +violently; she had to bite her lip hard with her white teeth to keep +herself from crying out with rage and anguish. + +How she wished that she could swing herself up to the window on which +Hermas' gaze was fixed, and clutch Sirona's golden hair and tear her down +to the ground, and suck the very blood from her red lips like a vampire, +till she lay at her feet as pale as the corpse of a man dead of thirst in +the desert. Then she saw the light mantle slip from Sirona's shoulders, +and observed Hermas start and press his hand to his heart. + +Then another impulse seized her. It was to call to her and warn her of +his presence; for even women who hate each other hold out the hand of +fellowship in the spirit, when the sanctity of woman's modesty is +threatened with danger. She blushed for Sirona, and had actually opened +her lips to call, when the greyhound barked and the dialogue began. Not +a word escaped her sharp ears, and when he told Sirona that she was as +good as she was beautiful she felt seized with giddiness; then the +topmost stone, by which she had tried to steady herself, lost its +balance, its fall interrupted their conversation, and Miriam returned to +the sick man. + +Now she was standing at the door, waiting for Hermas. Long, long did she +wait; at last he appeared with Dorothea, and she could see that he +glanced up again at Sirona; but a spiteful smile passed over her lips, +for the window was empty and the fair form that he had hoped to see again +had vanished. + +Sirona was now sitting at her loom in the front room, whither she had +been tempted by the sound of approaching hoofs. Polykarp had ridden by +on his father's fine horse, had greeted her as he passed, and had dropped +a rose on the roadway. Half an hour later the old black slave came to +Sirona, who was throwing the shuttle through the warp with a skilful +hand. + +"Mistress," cried the negress with a hideous grin; the lonely woman +paused in her work, and as she looked up enquiringly the old woman gave +her a rose. Sirona took the flower, blew away the road-side dust that +had clung to it, rearranged the tumbled delicate petals with her finger- +tips, and said, while she seemed to give the best part of her attention +to this occupation, "For the future let roses be when you find them. You +know Phoebicius, and if any one sees it, it will be talked about." + +The black woman turned away, shrugging her shoulders; but Sirona thought, +"Polykarp is a handsome and charming man, and has finer and more +expressive eyes than any other here, if he were not always talking of his +plans, and drawings, and figures, and mere stupid grave things that I do +not care for!" + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + +The next day, after the sun had passed the meridian and it was beginning +to grow cool, Hermas and Paulus yielded to Stephanus' wish, as he began +to feel stronger, and carried him out into the air. The anchorites sat +near each other on a low block of stone, which Hermas had made into a +soft couch for his father by heaping up a high pile of fresh herbs. +They looked after the youth, who had taken his bow and arrows, as he +went up the mountain to hunt a wild goat; for Petrus had prescribed a +strengthening diet for the sick man. Not a word was spoken by either of +them till the hunter had disappeared. Then Stephanus said, "How much he +has altered since I have been ill. It is not so very long since I last +saw him by the broad light of day, and he seems meantime to have grown +from a boy into a man. How self-possessed his gait is." + +Paulus, looking down at the ground, muttered some words of assent. He +remembered the discus-throwing and thought to himself, "The Palaestra +certainly sticks in his mind, and he has been bathing too; and yesterday, +when he came up from the oasis, he strode in like a young athlete." + +That friendship only is indeed genuine when two friends, without speaking +a word to each other, can nevertheless find happiness in being together. +Stephanus and Paulus were silent, and yet a tacit intercourse subsisted +between them as they sat gazing towards the west, where the sun was near +its setting. + +Far below them gleamed the narrow, dark blue-green streak of the Red Sea, +bounded by the bare mountains of the coast, which shone in a shimmer of +golden light. Close beside them rose the toothed crown of the great +mountain which, so soon as the day-star had sunk behind it, appeared +edged with a riband of glowing rubies. The flaming glow flooded the +western horizon, filmy veils of mist floated across the hilly coast-line, +the silver clouds against the pure sky changed their hue to the tender +blush of a newly opened rose, and the undulating shore floated in the +translucent violet of the amethyst. There not a breath of air was +stirring, not a sound broke the solemn stillness of the evening. Not +till the sea was taking a darker and still darker hue, till the glow on +the mountain peaks and in the west had begun to die away, and the night +to spread its shades over the heights and hollows, did Stephanus unclasp +his folded hands and softly speak his companion's name. Paulus started +and said, speaking like a man who is aroused from a dream and who is +suddenly conscious of having heard some one speak, "You are right; it is +growing dark and cool and you must go back into the cave." + +Stephanus offered no opposition and let himself be led back to his bed; +while Paulus was spreading the sheepskin over the sick man he sighed +deeply. + +"What disturbs your soul?" asked the older man. "It is--it was--what +good can it do me!" cried Paulus in strong excitement. "There we sat, +witnesses of the most glorious marvels of the Most High, and I, in +shameless idolatry, seemed to see before me the chariot of Helios with +its glorious winged-horses, snorting fire as they went, and Helios +himself in the guise of Hermas, with gleaming golden hair, and the +dancing Hours, and the golden gates of the night. Accursed rabble of +demons!--" + +At this point the anchorite was interrupted, for Hermas entered the cave, +and laying a young steinbock, that he had killed, before the two men, +exclaimed, "fine fellow, and he cost me no more than one arrow. I will +light a fire at once and roast the best pieces. There are plenty of +bucks still on our mountain, and I know where to find them." + +In about an hour, father and son were eating the pieces of meat, which +had been cooked on a spit. Paulus declined to sup with them, for after +he had scourged himself in despair and remorse for the throwing of the +discus, he had vowed a strict fast. + +"And now," cried Hermas, when his father declared himself satisfied, +after seeming to relish greatly the strong meat from which he had so long +abstained, "and now the best is to come! In this flask I have some +strengthening wine, and when it is empty it will be filled afresh." +Stephanus took the wooden beaker that his son offered him, drank a +little, and then said, while he smacked his tongue to relish the after- +taste of the noble juice, "That is something choice!--Syrian wine! only +taste it, Paulus." + +Paulus took the beaker in his hand, inhaled the fragrance of the golden +fluid, and then murmured, but without putting it to his lips, "That is +not Syrian; it is Egyptian, I know it well. I should take it to be +Mareotic." + +"So Sirona called it," cried Hermas, "and you know it by the mere smell! +She said it was particularly good for the sick." + +"That it is," Paulus agreed; but Stephanus asked in surprise, "Sirona? +who is she?" + +The cave was but dimly lighted by the fire that had been made at the +opening, so that the two anchorites could not perceive that Hermas +reddened all over as he replied, "Sirona? The Gaulish woman Sirona? Do +you not know her? She is the wife of the centurion down in the oasis." + +"How do you come to know her?" asked his father. + +"She lives in Petrus' house," replied the lad, "and as she had heard of +your wound--" + +"Take her my thanks when you go there to-morrow morning," said Stephanus. +To her and to her husband too. Is he a Gaul?" + +"I believe so--nay, certainly," answered Hermas, "they call him the lion, +and he is no doubt a Gaul?" + +When the lad had left the cave the old man laid himself down to rest, and +Paulus kept watch by him on his son's bed. But Stephanus could not +sleep, and when his friend approached him to give him some medicine, he +said, "The wife of a Gaul has done me a kindness, and yet the wine would +have pleased me better if it had not come from a Gaul." + +Paulus looked at him enquiringly, and though total darkness reigned in +the cave, Stephanus felt his gaze and said, "I owe no man a grudge and I +love my neighbor. Great injuries have been done me, but I have for +given--from the bottom of my heart forgiven. Only one man lives to whom +I wish evil, and he is a Gaul." + +"Forgive him too," said Paulus, "and do not let evil thoughts disturb +your sleep." + +"I am not tired," said the sick man, "and if you had gone through such +things as I have, it would trouble your rest at night too." + +"I know, I know," said Paulus soothingly. "It was a Gaul that persuaded +your wretched wife into quitting your house and her child." + +"And I loved, oh! how I loved Glycera!" groaned the old man. "She lived +like a princess and I fulfilled her every wish before it was uttered. +She herself has said a hundred times that I was too kind and too +yielding, and that there was nothing left for her to wish. Then the Gaul +came to our house, a man as acrid as sour wine, but with a fluent tongue +and sparkling eyes. How he entangled Glycera I know not, nor do I want +to know; he shall atone for it in hell. For the poor lost woman I pray +day and night. A spell was on her, and she left her heart behind in my +house, for her child was there and she loved Hermas so fondly; indeed she +was deeply devoted to me. Think what the spell must be that can +annihilate a mother's love! Wretch, hapless wretch that I am! Did you +ever love a woman, Paulus?" + +"You ought to be asleep," said Paulus in a warning tone. "Who ever lived +nearly half a century without feeling love! Now I will not speak another +word, and you must take this drink that Petrus has sent for you." The +senator's medicine was potent, for the sick man fell asleep and did not +wake till broad day lighted up the cave. + +Paulus was still sitting on his bed, and after they had prayed together, +he gave him the jar which Hermas had filled with fresh water before going +down to the oasis. + +"I feel quite strong," said the old man. "The medicine is good; I have +slept well and dreamed sweetly; but you look pale and as if you had not +slept." + +"I," said Paulus, "I lay down there on the bed. Now let me go out in the +air for a moment." With these words he went out of the cave. + +As soon as he was out of sight of Stephanus he drew a deep breath, +stretched his limbs, and rubbed his burning eyes; he felt as if there was +sand gathered under their lids, for he had forbidden them to close for +three days and nights. At the same time he was consumed by a violent +thirst, for neither food nor drink had touched his lips for the same +length of time. His hands were beginning to tremble, but the weakness +and pain that he experienced filled him with silent joy, and he would +willingly have retired into his cave and have indulged, not for the first +time, in the ecstatic pain of hanging on the cross, and bleeding from +five wounds, in imitation of the Saviour. + +But Stephanus was calling him, and without hesitation he returned to him +and replied to his questions; indeed it was easier to him to speak than +to listen, for in his ears there was a roaring, moaning, singing, and +piping, and he felt as if drunk with strong wine. + +"If only Hermas does not forget to thank the Gaul!" exclaimed Stephanus. + +"Thank--aye, we should always be thankful!" replied his companion, +closing his eyes. + +"I dreamed of Glycera," the old man began again. You said yesterday that +love had stirred your heart too, and yet you never were married. You are +silent? Answer me something." + +"I--who called me?" murmured Paulus, staring at the questioner with a +fixed gaze. + +Stephanus was startled to see that his companion trembled in every limb, +he raised himself and held out to him the flask with Sirona's wine, which +the other, incapable of controlling himself, snatched eagerly from his +hand, and emptied with frantic thirst. The fiery liquor revived his +failing strength, brought the color to his cheeks, and lent a strange +lustre to his eyes. "How much good that has done me!" he cried with a +deep sigh and pressing his hands on his breast. + +Stephanus was perfectly reassured and repeated his question, but he +almost repented of his curiosity, for his friend's voice had an utterly +strange ring in it, as he answered: + +"No, I was never married--never, but I have loved for all that, and I +will tell you the story from beginning to end; but you must not interrupt +me, no not once. I am in a strange mood--perhaps it is the wine. I had +not drunk any for so long; I had fasted since--since but it does not +matter. Be silent, quite silent, and let me tell my story." + +Paulus sat down on Hermas' bed; he threw himself far back, leaned the +back of his head against the rocky wall of the cavern, through whose +doorway the daylight poured, and began thus, while he gazed fixedly into +vacancy, "What she was like?--who can, describe her? She was tall and +large like Hera, and yet not proud, and her noble Greek face was lovely +rather than handsome. + +"She could no longer have been very young, but she had eyes like those of +a gentle child. I never knew her other than very pale; her narrow +forehead shone like ivory under her soft brown hair; her beautiful hands +were as white as her forehead-hands that moved as if they themselves were +living and inspired creatures with a soul and language of their own. +When she folded them devoutly together it seemed as if they were putting +up a mute prayer. She was pliant in form as a young palm-tree when it +bends, and withal she had a noble dignity, even on the occasion when I +first saw her. + +"It was a hideous spot, the revolting prison-hall of Rhyakotis. She wore +only a threadbare robe that had once been costly, and a foul old woman +followed her about--as a greedy rat might pursue an imprisoned dove--and +loaded her with abusive language. She answered not a word, but large +heavy tears flowed slowly over her pale cheeks and down on to her hands, +which she kept crossed on her bosom. Grief and anguish spoke from her +eyes, but no vehement passion deformed the regularity of her features. +She knew how to endure even ignominy with grace, and what words the +raging old woman poured out upon her! + +"I had long since been baptized, and all the prisons were open to me, the +rich Menander, the brother-in-law of the prefect--those prisons in which +under Maximin so many Christians were destined to be turned from the true +faith. + +"But she did not belong to us. Her eye met mine, and I signed my +forehead with the cross, but she did not respond to the sacred sign. The +guards led away the old woman, and she drew back into a dark corner, sat +down, and covered her face with her hands. A wondrous sympathy for the +hapless woman had taken possession of my soul; I felt as if she belonged +to me, and I to her, and I believed in her, even when the turnkey had +told me in coarse language that she had lived with a Roman at the old +woman's, and had defrauded her of a large sum of money. The next day I +went again to the prison, for her sake and my own; there I found her +again in the same corner that she had shrunk into the day before; by her +stood her prison fare untouched, a jar of water and a piece of bread. + +"As I went up to her, I saw how she broke a small bit off the thin cake +for herself, and then called a little Christian boy who had come into the +prison with his mother, and gave him the remainder. The child thanked +her prettily, and she drew him to her, and kissed him with passionate +tenderness, though he was sickly and ugly. + +"'No one who can love children so well is wholly lost,' said I to myself, +and I offered to help her as far as lay in my power. + +"She looked at me not without distrust, and said that nothing had +happened to her, but what she deserved, and she would bear it. Before I +could enquire of her any further, we were interrupted by the Christian +prisoners, who crowded around the worthy Ammonius, who was exhorting and +comforting them with edifying discourse. She listened attentively to the +old man, and on the following day I found her in conversation with the +mother of the boy to whom she had given her bread. + +"One morning, I had gone there with some fruit to offer as a treat to the +prisoners, and particularly to her. She took an apple, and said, rising +as she spoke, 'I would now ask another favor of you. You are a +Christian, send me a priest, that he may baptize me, if he does not think +me unworthy, for I am burdened with sins so heavily as no other woman can +be.' Her large, sweet, childlike eyes filled again with big silent +tears, and I spoke to her from my heart, and showed her as well as I +could the grace of the Redeemer. Shortly after, Ammonius secretly +baptized her, and she begged to be given the name of Magdalen, and so +it was, and after that she took me wholly into her confidence. + +"She had left her husband and her child for the sake of a diabolical +seducer, whom she had followed to Alexandria, and who there had abandoned +her. Alone and friendless, in want and guilt, she remained behind with a +hard-hearted and covetous hostess, who had brought her before the judge, +and so into prison. What an abyss of the deepest anguish of soul I could +discover in this woman, who was worthy of a better lot! What is highest +and best in a woman? Her love, her mother's heart, her honor; and +Magdalen had squandered and ruined all these by her own guilt. The blow +of overwhelming fate may be easily borne, but woe to him, whose life is +ruined by his own sin! She was a sinner, she felt it with anguish of +repentance, and she steadily refused my offers to purchase her freedom. + +"She was greedy of punishment, as a man in a fever is greedy of the +bitter potion, which cools his blood. And, by the crucified Lord! I +have found more noble humanity among sinners, than in many just men in +priestly garb. Through the presence of Magdalen, the prison recovered +its sanctity in my eyes. Before this I had frequently quitted it full of +deep contempt, for among the imprisoned Christians, there were too often +lazy vagabond's, who had loudly confessed the Saviour only to be fed by +the gifts of the brethren; there I had seen accursed criminals, who hoped +by a martyr's death to win back the redemption that they had forfeited; +there I had heard the woeful cries of the faint-hearted, who feared death +as much as they feared treason to the most High. There were things to be +seen there that might harrow the soul, but also examples of the sublimest +greatness. Men have I seen there, aye, and women, who went to their +death in calm and silent bliss, and whose end was, indeed, noble--more +noble than that of the much-lauded Codrus or Decius Mus. + +"Among all the prisoners there was neither man nor woman who was more +calmly self-possessed, more devoutly resigned, than Magdalen. The words, +'There is more joy in Heaven over one sinner that repenteth than over +ninety and nine that need no repentance,' strengthened her greatly, and +she repented--yea and verily, she did. And for my part, God is my +witness that not an impulse as from man to woman drew me to her, and yet +I could not leave her, and I passed the day by her side, and at night she +haunted my soul, and it would have seemed to me fairer than all in life +besides to have been allowed to die with her. + +"It was at the time of the fourth decree of persecution, a few months +before the promulgation of the first edict of toleration. + +"He that sacrifices, it is said, shall go unpunished, and he that +refuses, shall by some means or other be brought to it, but those who +continue stiff-necked shall suffer death. For a long time much +consideration had been shown to the prisoners, but now they were alarmed +by having the edict read to them anew. Many hid themselves groaning and +lamenting, others prayed aloud, and most awaited what might happen with +pale lips and painful breathing. + +"Magdalen remained perfectly calm. The names of the Christian prisoners +were called out, and the imperial soldiers led them all together to one +spot. Neither my name nor hers was called, for I did not belong to the +prisoners, and she had not been apprehended for the faith's sake. The +officer was rolling up his list, when Magdalen rose and stepped modestly +forward, saying with quiet dignity, 'I too am a Christian.' + +"If there be an angel who wears the form and features of man, his face +must resemble hers, as she looked in that hour. The Roman, a worthy man, +looked at her with a benevolent, but searching gaze. I do not find your +name here,' he said aloud, shaking his head and pointing to the roll; and +he added in a lower voice, 'Nor do I intend to find it.' + +"She went closer up to him, and said out loud, Grant me my place among +the believers, and write down, that Magdalen, the Christian, refuses to +sacrifice.' + +"My soul was deeply moved, and with joyful eagerness I cried out, 'Put +down my name too, and write, that Menander, the son of Herophilus, also +refuses.' The Roman did his duty. + +"Time has not blotted out from my memory a single moment of that day. +There stood the altar, and near it the heathen priest on one side, and on +the other the emperor's officer. We were taken up two by two; Magdalen +and I were the last. One word now--one little word--would give us life +and freedom, another the rack and death. Out of thirty of us only four +had found courage to refuse to sacrifice, but the feeble hearted broke +out into lamentations, and beat their foreheads, and prayed that the Lord +might strengthen the courage of the others. An unutterably pure and +lofty joy filled my soul, and I felt, as if we were out of the body +floating on ambient clouds. Softly and calmly we refused to sacrifice, +thanked the imperial official, who warned us kindly, and in the same hour +and place we fell into the hands of the torturers. She gazed only up to +heaven, and I only at her, but in the midst of the most frightful +torments I saw before me the Saviour beckoning to me, surrounded by +angels that soared on soft airs, whose presence filled my eyes with the +purest light, and my ears with heavenly music. She bore the utmost +torture without flinching, only once she called out the name of her son +Hermas; then I turned to look at her, and saw her gazing up to Heaven +with wide open eyes and trembling lips-living, but already with the Lord +--on the rack, and yet in bliss. My stronger body clung to the earth; +she found deliverance at the first blow of the torturer. + +"I myself closed her eyes, the sweetest eyes in which Heaven was ever +mirrored, I drew a ring from her dear, white, blood-stained hand, and +here under the rough sheepskin I have it yet; and I pray, I pray, I pray +--oh! my heart! My God if it might be--if this is the end--!" + +Paulus put his hand to his head, and sank exhausted on the bed, in a deep +swoon. The sick man had followed his story with breathless interest. +Some time since he had risen from his bed, and, unobserved by his +companion, had sunk on his knees; he now dragged himself, all hot and +trembling, to the side of the senseless man, tore the sheep's fell from +his breast, and with hasty movement sought the ring; he found it, and +fixing on it passionate eyes, as though he would melt it with their fire, +he pressed it again and again to his lips, to his heart, to his lips +again; buried his face in his hands and wept bitterly. + +It was not till Hermas returned from the oasis that Stephanus thought of +his exhausted and fainting friend, and with his son's assistance restored +him to conscious ness. Paulus did not refuse to take some food and +drink, and in the cool of the evening, when he was refreshed and +invigorated, he sat again by the side of Stephanus, and understood +from the old man that Magdalen was certainly his wife. + +"Now I know," said Paulus, pointing to Hermas, "how it is that from the +first I felt such a love for the lad there." + +The old man softly pressed his hand, for he felt himself tied to his +friend by a new and tender bond, and it was with silent ecstasy that he +received the assurance that the wife he had always loved, the mother of +his child, had died a Christian and a martyr, and had found before him +the road to Heaven. + +The old man slept as peacefully as a child the following night, and when, +next morning, messengers came from Raithu to propose to Paulus that he +should leave the Holy Mountain, and go with them to become their elder +and ruler, Stephanus said, "Follow this high call with all confidence, +for you deserve it. I really no longer have need of you, for I shall get +well now without any further nursing." + +But Paulus, far more disturbed than rejoiced, begged of the messengers a +delay of seven days for reflection, and after wandering restlessly from +one holy spot to another, at last went down into the oasis, there to pray +in the church. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +It was a delicious refreshing evening; the full moon rose calmly in the +dark blue vault of the night-sky, and poured a flood of light down on the +cool earth. But its rays did not give a strong enough light to pierce +the misty veil that hung over the giant mass of the Holy Mountain; the +city of the oasis on the contrary was fully illuminated; the broad +roadway of the high-street looked to the wanderer who descended from the +height above like a shining path of white marble, and the freshly +plastered walls of the new church gleamed as white as in the light of +day. The shadows of the houses and palm-trees lay like dark strips of +carpet across the road, which was nearly empty in spite of the evening +coolness, which usually tempted the citizens out into the air. + +The voices of men and women sounded out through the open windows of the +church; then the door opened and the Pharanite Christians, who had been +partaking of the Supper--the bread and the cup passed from hand to hand +--came out into the moonlight. The elders and deacons, the readers and +singers, the acolytes and the assembled priesthood of the place followed +the Bishop Agapitus, and the laymen came behind Obedianus, the head-man +of the oasis, and the Senator Petrus; with Petrus came his wife, his +grown up children and numerous slaves. + +The church was empty when the door-keeper, who was extinguishing the +lights, observed a man in a dark corner of an antechamber through which a +spring of water softly plashed and trickled, and which was intended for +penitents. The man was prostrate on the ground and absorbed in prayer, +and he did not raise himself till the porter called him, and threw the +light of his little lamp full in his face. + +He began to address him with hard words, but when he recognized in the +belated worshipper the anchorite Paulus of Alexandria he changed his key, +and said, in a soft and almost submissive tone of entreaty, "You have +surely prayed enough, pious man. The congregation have left the church, +and I must close it on account of our beautiful new vessels and the +heathen robbers. I know that the brethren of Raithu have chosen you to +be their elder, and that his high honor was announced to you by their +messengers, for they came to see our church too and greatly admired it. +Are you going at once to settle with them or shall you keep the high- +feast with us?" + +"That you shall hear to-morrow," answered Paulus, who had risen from his +knees, and was leaning against a pillar of the narrow, bare, penitential +chamber. "In this house dwells One of whom I would fain take counsel, +and I beg of you to leave me here alone. If you will, you can lock the +door, and fetch me out later, before you go to rest for the night." + +"That cannot be," said the man considering, "for my wife is ill, and my +house is a long way from here at the end of the town by the little gate, +and I must take the key this very evening to the Senator Petrus, because +his son, the architect Antonius, wants to begin the building of the new +altar the first thing to-morrow morning. The workmen are to be here by +sunrise, and if--" + +"Show me the key," interrupted Paulus. "To what untold blessing may +this little instrument close or open the issues! Do you know, man, that +I think there is a way for us both out of the difficulty! You go to your +sick wife, and I will take the key to the senator as soon as I have +finished my devotions." + +The door-keeper considered for a few minutes, and then acceded to the +request of the future presbyter of Raithu, while at the same time he +begged him not to linger too late. + +As he went by the senator's house he smelt the savor of roast meat; he +was a poor man and thought to himself, "They fast in there just when it +pleases them, but as for us, we fast when it pleases us least." + +The good smell, which provoked this lament, rose from a roast sheep, +which was being prepared as a feast-supper for the senator and the +assembled members of his household; even the slaves shared in the late +evening meal. + +Petrus and Dame Dorothea sat in the Greek fashion, side by side in a half +reclining position on a simple couch, and before them stood a table which +no one shared with them, but close to which was the seat for the grown up +children of the house. The slaves squatted on the ground nearer to the +door, and crowded into two circles, each surrounding a steaming dish, out +of which they helped themselves to the brown stew of lentils with the +palm of the hand. A round, grey-looking cake of bread lay near each, and +was not to be broken till the steward Jethro had cut and apportioned the +sheep. The juicy pieces of the back and thighs of the animal were +offered to Petrus and his family to choose from, but the carver laid a +slice for each slave on his cake--a larger for the men and a smaller for +the women. Many looked with envy on the more succulent piece that had +fallen to a neighbor's share, but not even those that had fared worst +dared to complain, for a slave was allowed to speak only when his master +addressed him, and Petrus forbid even his children to discuss their food +whether to praise it or to find fault. + +In the midst of the underlings sat Miriam; she never ate much, and all +meat was repulsive to her, so she pushed the cut from the ribs that was +given to her over to an old garden-woman, who sat opposite, and who had +often given her a fruit or a little honey, for Miriam loved sweet things. +Petrus spoke not a word to-day to his slaves, and very little even to his +family; Dorothea marked the deep lines between his grave eyes, not +without anxiety, and noted how he pinched his lips, when, forgetful of +the food before him, he sat lost in meditation. + +The meal was ended, but still he did not move, nor did he observe the +enquiring glances which were turned on him by many eyes; no one dared to +rise before the master gave the signal. + +Miriam followed all his movements with more impatience than any of the +others who were present; she rocked restlessly backwards and forwards, +crumbled the bread that she had left with her slender fingers, and her +breath now came fast and faster, and now seemed to stop entirely. She +had heard the court-yard gate open, and had recognized Hermas' step. + +"He wants to speak to the master, in a moment he will come in, and find +me among these--" thought she, and she involuntarily stroked her hand +over her rough hair to smooth it, and threw a glance at the other slaves, +in which hatred and contempt were equally marked. + +But Hermas came not. Not for an instant did she think that her ear had +deceived her--was he waiting now at the door for the conclusion of the +meal? Was his late visit intended for the Gaulish lady, to whom she had +seen him go yesterday again with the wine jar? + +Sirona's husband, Phoebicius, as Miriam well knew, was upon the mountain, +and offering sacrifice by moonlight to Mithras with his fellow heathen in +a cave which she had long known. She had seen the Gaul quit the court +during the time of evening-prayer with a few soldiers, two of whom +carried after him a huge coffer, out of which rose the handle of a mighty +cauldron, and a skin full of water, and various vessels. She knew that +these men would pass the whole night in the grotto of Mithras, and there +greet "the young god"--the rising sun--with strange ceremonies; for the +inquisitive shepherdess had more than once listened, when she had led her +goats up the mountain before the break of day, and her ear had detected +that the worshippers of Mithras were performing their nocturnal +solemnities. Now it flashed across her mind, that Sirona was alone, and +that the late visit of Hermas probably concerned her, and not the +senator. + +She started, there was quite a pain m her heart, and, as usual, when any +violent emotion agitated her mind, she involuntarily sprang to her feet +prompted by the force of her passion, and had almost reached the door, +when the senator's voice brought her to a pause, and recalled her to the +consciousness of the impropriety of her behavior. + +The sick man still lay with his inflamed wound and fever down in the +court, and she knew that she should escape blame if in answer to her +master's stern questioning she said that the patient needed her, but she +had never told a lie, and her pride forbade her even now to speak an +untruth. The other slaves stared with astonishment, as she replied, +"I wanted to get out; the supper is so long." + +Petrus glanced at the window, and perceiving how high the moon stood, he +shook his head as if in wonder at his own conduct, then without blaming +her he offered a thanksgiving, gave the slaves the signal to leave the +room, and after receiving a kiss of "good-night" from each of his +children--from among whom Polykarp, the sculptor, alone was missing--he +withdrew to his own room. But he did not remain alone there for long: so +soon as Dorothea had discussed the requirements of the house for the next +day with Marthana and the steward, and had been through the sleeping-room +of her younger children, casting a loving glance on the peaceful +sleepers, arranging here a coverlet, and there a pillow--she entered her +husband's room and called his name. + +Petrus stood still and looked round, and his grave eyes were full of +grateful tenderness as they met those of his wife. Dorothea knew the +soft and loving heart within the stern exterior, and nodded to him with +sympathetic understanding: but before she could speak, he said, "Come in, +come nearer to me; there is a heavy matter in hand, and you cannot escape +your share of the burden." + +"Give me my share!" cried she eagerly. "The slim girl of former years +has grown a broad-shouldered old woman, so that it may be easier to her +to help her lord to bear the many burdens of life. But I am seriously +anxious--even before we went to church something unsatisfactory had +happened to you, and not merely in the council-meeting. There must be +something not right with one of the children." + +"What eyes you have!" exclaimed Petrus. + +"Dim, grey eyes," said Dorothea, "and not even particularly keen. But +when anything concerns you and the children I could see it in the dark. +You are dissatisfied with Polykarp; yesterday, before he set out for +Raithu, you looked at him so--so--what shall I say? I can quite imagine +what it is all about, but I believe you are giving yourself groundless +anxiety. He is young, and so lovely a woman as Sirona--" + +Up to this point Petrus had listened to his wife in silence. Now he +clasped his hands, and interrupted her, "Things certainly are not going +on quite right--but I ought to be used to it. What I meant to have +confided to you in a quiet hour, you tell me as if you knew all about +it!" + +"And why not?" asked Dorothea. "When you graft a scion on to a tree, +and they have grown well together, the grafted branch feels the bite of +the saw that divides the stock, or the blessing of the spring that feeds +the roots, just as if the pain or the boon were its own. And you are the +tree and I am the graft, and the magic power of marriage has made us one. +Your pulses are my pulses, your thoughts have become mine, and so I +always know before you tell me what it is that stirs your soul." + +Dorothea's kind eyes moistened as she spoke, and Petrus warmly clasped +her hands in his as he said, "And if the gnarled old trunk bears from +time to time some sweet fruit, he may thank the graft for it. I cannot +believe that the anchorites up yonder are peculiarly pleasing to the Lord +because they live in solitude. Man comes to his perfect humanity only +through his wife and child, and he who has them not, can never learn the +most glorious heights and the darkest depths of life and feeling. If a +man may stake his whole existence and powers for anything, surely it is +for his own house." + +"And you have honestly done so for ours!" cried Dorothea. + +"For ours," repeated Petrus, giving the words the strongest accent of his +deep voice. Two are stronger than one, and it is long since we ceased to +say 'I' in discussing any question concerning the house or the children; +and both have been touched by to-day's events." + +"The senate will not support you in constructing the road?" + +"No, the bishop gave the casting-vote. I need not tell you how we stand +towards each other, and I will not blame him; for he is a just man, but +in many things we can never meet half-way. You know that he was in his +youth a soldier, and his very piety is rough--I might almost say warlike. +If we had yielded to his views, and if our head man Obedianus had not +supported me, we should not have had a single picture in the church, and +it would have looked like a barn rather than a house of prayer. We never +have understood each other, and since I opposed his wish of making +Polykarp a priest, and sent the boy to learn of the sculptor Thalassius +--for even as a child he drew better than many masters in these wretched +days that produce no great artists--since then, I say, he speaks of me as +if I were a heathen--" + +"And yet he esteems you highly, that I know," interrupted Dame Dorothea. + +"I fully return his good opinion," replied Petrus, "and it is no ordinary +matter that estranges. He thinks that he only holds the true faith, and +ought to fight for it; he calls all artistic work a heathen abomination; +he never felt the purifying influence of the beautiful, and regards all +pictures and statues as tending to idolatry. Still he allows himself to +admire Polykarp's figures of angels and the Good Shepherd, but the lions +put the old warrior in a rage. 'Accursed idols and works of the devil,' +are what he calls them." + +"But there were lions even in the temple of Solomon," cried Dorothea. + +"I urged that, and also that in the schools of the catechists, and in the +educational history of animals which we possess and teach from, the +Saviour himself is compared to a lion, and that Mark, the evangelist, who +brought the doctrine of the gospel to Alexandria, is represented with a +lion. But he withstood me more and more violently, saying that +Polykarp's works were to adorn no sacred place, but the Caesareum, and +that to him is nothing but a heathen edifice, and the noble works of the +Greeks that are preserved there he calls revolting images by which Satan +ensnares the souls of Christian men. The other senators can understand +his hard words, but they cannot follow mine; and so they vote with him, +and my motion to construct the roadway was thrown over, because it did +not become a Christian assembly to promote idolatry, and to smooth a way +for the devil." + +"I can see that you must have answered them sharply!" + +"Indeed I believe so," answered Petrus, looking down. "Many painful +things were no doubt said, and it was I that suffered for them. +Agapitus, who was looking at the deacons' reports, was especially +dissatisfied with the account that I laid before them; they blamed us +severely because you gave away as much bread to heathen households as to +Christians. It is no doubt true, but--" + +But," cried Dorothea eagerly, "hunger is just as painful to the +unbaptized, and their Christian neighbors do not help them, and yet they +too are our flesh and blood. I should ill fulfil my office if I were to +let them starve, because the highest comfort is lacking to them." + +"And yet," said Petrus, "the council decided that, for the future, you +must apply at the most a fourth part of the grain allotted to their use. +You need not fear for them; for the future some of our own produce may go +to them out of what we have hitherto sold. You need not withdraw even a +loaf from any one of your proteges, but certainly may now be laid by the +plans for the road. Indeed there is no hurry for its completion, for +Polykarp will now hardly be able to go on with his lions here among us. +Poor fellow! with what delight he formed the clay models, and how +wonderfully he succeeded in reproducing the air and aspect of the +majestic beasts. It is as if he were inspired by the spirit of the old +Athenian masters. We must now consider whether in Alexandria--" + +"Rather let us endeavor," interrupted Dorothea, "to induce him at once to +put aside his models, and to execute other more pious works. Agapitus +has keen eyes, and the heathen work is only too dear to the lad's heart." + +The senator's brow grew dark at the last words, and he said, not without +some excitement, "Everything that the heathen do is not to be condemned. +Polykarp must be kept busy, constantly and earnestly occupied, for he has +set his eyes where they should not be set. Sirona is the wife of +another, and even in sport no man should try to win his neighbor's wife. +Do you think, the Gaulish woman is capable of forgetting her duty?" + +Dorothea hesitated, and after some reflection answered, "She is a +beautiful and vain child--a perfect child; I mean in nature, and not in +years, although she certainly might be the grandchild of her strange +husband, for whom she feels neither love nor respect, nor, indeed, +anything but utter aversion. I know not what, but something frightful +must have come between them even in Rome, and I have given up all +attempts to guide her heart back to him. In everything else she is soft +and yielding, and often, when she is playing with the children, I cannot +imagine where she finds her reckless gaiety. I wish she were a +Christian, for she is very dear to me, why should I deny it? It is +impossible to be sad when she is by, and she is devoted to me, and dreads +my blame, and is always striving to win my approbation. Certainly she +tries to please every one, even the children; but, so far as I can see, +not more Polykarp than any one else, although he is such a fine young +man. No, certainly not." + +"And yet the boy gazes at her," said Petrus, "and Phoebicius has noticed +it; he met me yesterday when I came home, and, in his sour, polite +manner, requested me to advise my son, when he wished to offer a rose, +not to throw it into his window, as he was not fond of flowers, and +preferred to gather them himself for his wife." + +The senator's wife turned pale, and then exclaimed shortly and +positively, "We do not need a lodger, and much as I should miss his wife, +the best plan will be for you to request him to find another dwelling." + +"Say no more, wife," Petrus said, sternly, and interrupting her with a +wave of his hand. "Shall we make Sirona pay, for it because our son has +committed a folly for her sake? You yourself said, that her intercourse +with the children, and her respect for you, preserve her from evil, and +now shall we show her the door? By no means. The Gauls may remain in my +house so long as nothing occurs that compels me to send them out of it. +My father was a Greek, but through my mother I have Amalekite blood in my +veins, and I should dishonor myself, if I drove from my threshold any, +with whom I had once broken bread under my roof. Polykarp shall be +warned, and shall learn what he owes to us, to himself, and to the laws +of God. I know how to value his noble gifts, and I am his friend, but +I am also his master, and I will find means of preventing my son from +introducing the light conduct of the capital beneath his father's roof." + +The last words were spoken with weight and decision, like the blows of a +hammer, and stern resolve sparkled in the senator's eyes. Nevertheless, +his wife went fearlessly up to him, and said, laying her hand on his arm, +"It is, indeed, well that a man can keep his eyes set on what is just, +when we women should follow the hasty impulse of our heart. Even in +wrestling, men only fight with lawful and recognized means, while +fighting women use their teeth and nails. You men understand better how +to prevent injustice than we do, and that you have once more proved to +me, but, in carrying justice out, you are not our superiors. The Gauls +may remain in our house, and do you take Polykarp severely to task, but +in the first instance as his friend. Or would it not be better if you +left it to me? He was so happy in thinking of the competition of his +lions, and in having to work for the great building in the capital, and +now it is all over. I wish you had already broken that to him; but love +stories are women's affairs, and you know how good the boy is to me. A +mother's word sometimes has more effect than a father's blow, and it is +in life as it is in war; the light forces of archers go first into the +field, and the heavily armed division stays in the background to support +them; then, if the enemy will not yield, it comes forward and decides the +battle. First let me speak to the lad. It may be that he threw the rose +into Sirona's window only in sport, for she plays with his brothers and +sisters as if she herself were one of them. I will question him; for if +it is so, it would be neither just nor prudent to blame him. Some +caution is needed even in giving a warning; for many a one, who would +never have thought of stealing, has become a thief through false +suspicion. A young heart that is beginning to love, is like a wild boy +who always would rather take the road he is warned to avoid, and when I +was a girl, I myself first discovered how much I liked you, when the +Senator Aman's wife--who wanted you for her own daughter--advised me to +be on my guard with you. A man who has made such good use of his time, +among all the temptations of the Greek Sodom, as Polykarp, and who has +won such high praise from all his teachers and masters, cannot have been +much injured by the light manners of the Alexandrians. It is in a man's +early years that he takes the bent which he follows throughout his later +life, and that he had done before he left our house. Nay--even if I did +not know what a good fellow Polykarp is--I need only look at you to say, +'A child that was brought up by this father, could never turn out a bad +man.'" + +Petrus sadly shrugged his shoulders, as though he regarded his wife's +flattering words as mere idle folly, and yet he smiled, as he asked, +"Whose school of rhetoric did you go to? So be it then; speak to the lad +when he returns from Raithu. How high the moon is already; come to rest +--Antonius is to place the altar in the early dawn, and I wish to be +present." + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + +Miriam's ears had not betrayed her. While she was detained at supper, +Hermas had opened the courtyard-gate; he came to bring the senator a +noble young buck, that he had killed a few hours before, as a thank- +offering for the medicine to which his father owed his recovery. It +would no doubt have been soon enough the next morning, but he could find +no rest up on the mountain, and did not--and indeed did not care to-- +conceal from himself the fact, that the wish to give expression to his +gratitude attracted him down into the oasis far less than the hope of +seeing Sirona, and of hearing a word from her lips. + +Since their first meeting he had seen her several times, and had even +been into her house, when she had given him the wine for his father, and +when he had taken back the empty flask. Once, as she was filling the +bottle which he held, out of the large jar, her white fingers had touched +his, and her enquiry whether he were afraid of her, or if not, why his +hands which looked so strong should tremble so violently, dwelt still +in his mind. The nearer he approached Petrus's house the more vehemently +his heart beat; he stood still in front of the gate-way, to take breath, +and to collect himself a little, for he felt that, agitated as he was, he +would find it difficult to utter any coherent words. + +At last he laid his hand on the latch and entered the yard. The watch- +dogs already knew him, and only barked once as he stepped over the +threshold. + +He brought a gift in his hand, and he wanted to take nothing away, and +yet he appeared to himself just like a thief as he looked round, first at +the main building lighted up by the moon, and then at the Gaul's +dwelling-house, which, veiled in darkness, stood up as a vague +silhouette, and threw a broad dark shadow on the granite flags of the +pavement, which was trodden to shining smoothness. There was not a soul +to be seen, and the reek of the roast sheep told him that Petrus and his +household were assembled at supper. + +"I might come inopportunely on the feasters," said he to himself, as he +threw the buck over from his left to his right shoulder, and looked up at +Sirona's window, which he knew only too well. + +It was not lighted up, but a whiter and paler something appeared within +its dark stone frame, and this something, attracted his gaze with an +irresistible spell; it moved, and Sirona's greyhound set up a sharp +barking. + +It was she--it must be she! Her form rose before his fancy in all its +brilliant beauty, and the idea flashed through his mind that she must be +alone, for he had met her husband and the old slave woman among the +worshippers of Mithras on their way to the mountain. The pious youth, +who so lately had punished his flesh with the scourge to banish seductive +dream-figures, had in these few days become quite another man. He would +not leave the mountain, for his father's sake, but he was quite +determined no longer to avoid the way of the world; nay, rather to seek +it. He had abandoned the care of his father to the kindly Paulus, and +had wandered about among the rocks; there he had practised throwing the +discus, he had hunted the wild goats and beasts of prey, and from time to +time--but always with some timidity--he had gone down into the oasis to +wander round the senator's house, and catch a glimpse of Sirona. + +Now that he knew that she was alone, he was irresistibly drawn to her. +What he desired of her, he himself could not have said; and nothing was +clear to his mind beyond the wish to touch her fingers once more. + +Whether this were a sin or not, was all the same to him; the most +harmless play was called a sin, and every thought of the world for which +he longed, and he was fully resolved to take the sin upon himself, if +only he might attain his end. Sin after all was nothing but a phantom +terror with which they frighten children, and the worthy Petrus had +assured him that he might be a man capable of great deeds. With a +feeling that he was venturing on an unheard of act he went towards +Sirona's window, and she at once recognized him as he stood in the +moonlight. + +"Hermas!" he heard her say softly. He was seized with such violent +terror that he stood as if spellbound, the goat slipped from his +shoulders, and he felt as if his heart had ceased to beat. And again the +sweet woman's voice called, "Hermas, is it you? What brings you to us at +such a late hour?" + +He stammered an incoherent answer, and "I do not understand; come a +little nearer." Involuntarily he stepped forward into the shadow of the +house and close up to her window. She wore a white robe with wide, open +sleeves, and her arms shone in the dim light as white as her garment. +The greyhound barked again; she quieted it, and then asked Hermas how his +father was, and whether he needed some more wine. He replied that she +was very kind, angelically kind, but that the sick man was recovering +fast, and that she had already given him far too much. Neither of them +said anything that might not have been heard by everybody, and yet they +whispered as if they were speaking of some forbidden thing. + +"Wait a moment," said Sirona, and she disappeared within the room, she +soon reappeared, and said solid and sadly, "I would ask you to come into +the house but Phoebicius has locked the door. I am quite alone, hold the +flask so that I may fill it through the open window." + +With these words she leaned over with the large jar--she was strong, but +the wine-jar seemed to her heavier than on other occasions, and she said +with a sigh, "The amphora is too heavy for me." + +He reached up to help her; again his fingers met hers, and again he felt +the ecstatic thrill which had haunted his memory day and night ever since +he first had felt it. At this instant there was a sudden noise in the +house opposite; the slaves were coming out from supper. Sirona knew what +was happening; she started and cried out, pointing to the senator's door, +"For all the gods' sake! they are coming out, and if they see you here I +am lost!" + +Hermas looked hastily round the court, and listened to the increasing +noise in the other house, then, perceiving that there was no possible +escape from the senator's people, who were close upon him, he cried out +to Sirona in a commanding tone, "Stand back," and flung himself up +through the window into the Gaul's apartment. At the same moment the +door opposite opened, and the slaves streamed out into the yard. + +In front of them all was Miriam, who looked all round the wide space- +expectant; seeking something, and disappointed. He was not there, and +yet she had heard him come in; and the gate had not opened and closed a +second time, of that she was perfectly certain. Some of the slaves went +to the stables, others went outside the gate into the street to enjoy the +coolness of the evening; they sat in groups on the ground, looking up at +the stars, chattering or singing. Only the shepherdess remained in the +court-yard seeking him on all sides, as if she were hunting for some lost +trinket. She searched even behind the millstones, and in the dark sheds +in which the stone-workers' tools were kept. + +Then she stood still a moment and clenched her hands; with a few light +bounds she sprang into the shadow of the Gaul's house. Just in front of +Sirona's window lay the steinbock; she hastily touched it with her +slender naked toes, but quickly withdrew her foot with a shudder, for it +had touched the beast's fresh wound, wet with its blood. She rapidly +drew the conclusion that: he had killed it, and had thrown it down here, +and that he could not be far off. Now she knew where he was in hiding- +and she tried to laugh, for the pain she felt seemed too acute and +burning for tears to allay or cool it. But she did not wholly lose her +power of reflection. "They are in the dark," thought she, "and they +would see me, if I crept under the window to listen; and yet I must know +what they are doing there together." + +She hastily turned her back on Sirona's house, slipped into the clear +moonlight, and after standing there for a few minutes, went into the +slaves' quarters. An instant after, she slipped out behind the +millstones, and crept as cleverly and as silently as a snake along the +ground under the darkened base of the centurion's house, and lay close +under Sirona's window. + +Her loudly beating heart made it difficult for even her sharp ears to +hear, but though she could not gather all that he said, she distinguished +the sound of his voice; he was no longer in Sirona's room, but in the +room that looked out on the street. + +Now she could venture to raise herself, and to look in at the open +window; the door of communication between the two rooms was closed, but a +streak of light showed her that in the farther room, which was the +sitting-room, a lamp was burning. + +She had already put up her hand in order to hoist herself up into the +dark room, when a gay laugh from Sirona fell upon her ear. The image of +her enemy rose up before her mind, brilliant and flooded with light as on +that morning, when Hermas had stood just opposite, bewildered by her +fascination. And now--now--he was actually lying at her feet, and saying +sweet flattering words to her, and he would speak to her of love, and +stretch out his arm to clasp her--but she had laughed. + +Now she laughed again. Why was all so still again? + +Had she offered her rosy lips for a kiss? No doubt, no doubt. And +Hermas did not wrench himself from her white arms, as he had torn himself +from hers that noon by the spring-torn himself away never to return. + +Cold drops stood on her brow, she buried her hands in her thick, black +hair, and a loud cry escaped her--a cry like that of a tortured animal. +A few minutes more and she had slipped through the stable and the gate by +which they drove the cattle in; and no longer mistress of herself, was +flying up the mountain to the grotto of Mithras to warn Phoebicius. + +The anchorite Gelasius saw from afar the figure of the girl flying up the +mountain in the moonlight, and her shadow flitting from stone to stone, +and he threw himself on the ground, and signed a cross on his brow, for +he thought he saw a goblin-form, one of the myriad gods of the heathen-- +an Oread pursued by a Satyr. Sirona had heard the girl's shriek. + +"What was that?" she asked the youth, who stood before her in the full- +dress uniform of a Roman officer, as handsome as the young god of war, +though awkward and unsoldierly in his movements. + +"An owl screamed--" replied Hermas. "My father must at last tell me +from what house we are descended, and I will go to Byzantium, the new +Rome, and say to the emperor, 'Here am I, and I will fight for you among +your warriors.'" + +"I like you so!" exclaimed Sirona. + +"If that is the truth," cried Hermas, "prove it to me! Let me once press +my lips to your shining gold hair. You are beautiful, as sweet as a +flower--as gay and bright as a bird, and yet as hard as our mountain +rock. If you do not grant me one kiss, I shall long till I am sick and +weak before I can get away from here, and prove my strength in battle." + +"And if I yield," laughed Sirona, "you will be wanting another and +another kiss, and at last not get away at all. No, no, my friend--I am +the wiser of us two. Now go into the dark room, I will look out and see +whether the people are gone in again, and whether you can get off unseen +from the street window, for you have been here much too long already. Do +you hear? I command you." + +Hermas obeyed with a sigh; Sirona opened the shutter and looked out. The +slaves were coming back into the court, and she called out a friendly +word or two, which were answered with equal friendliness, for the Gaulish +lady, who never overlooked even the humblest, was dear to them all. She +took in the night-air with deep-drawn breaths, and looked up contentedly +at the moon, for she was well content with herself. + +When Hermas had swung himself up into her room, she had started back in +alarm; he had seized her hand and pressed his burning lips to her arm, +and she let him do it, for she was overcome with strange bewilderment. + +Then she heard Dame Dorothea calling out, "Directly, directly, I will +only say good night first to the children." These simple words, uttered +in Dorothea's voice, had a magical effect on the warm-hearted woman-- +badly used and suspected as she was, and yet so well formed for +happiness, love and peace. When her husband had locked her in, taking +even her slave with him, at first she had raved, wept, meditated revenge +and flight, and at last, quite broken down, had seated herself by the +window in silent thought of her beautiful home, her brothers and sisters, +and the dark olive groves of Arelas. + +Then Hermas appeared. It had not escaped her that the young anchorite +passionately admired her, and she was not displeased, for she liked him, +and the confusion with which he had been overcome at the sight of her +flattered her and seemed to her doubly precious because she knew that the +hermit in his sheepskin, on whom she had bestowed a gift of wine, was in +fact a young man of distinguished rank. And how truly to be pitied was +the poor boy, who had had his youth spoilt by a stern father. A woman +easily bestows some tender feeling on the man that she pities; perhaps +because she is grateful to him for the pleasure of feeling herself +the stronger, and because through him and his suffering she finds +gratification for the noblest happiness of a woman's heart--that of +giving tender and helpful care; women's hands are softer than ours. +In men's hearts love is commonly extinguished when pity begins, while +admiration acts like sunshine on the budding plant of a woman's +inclination, and pity is the glory which radiates from her heart. + +Neither admiration nor pity, however, would have been needed to induce +Sirona to call Hermas to her window; she felt so unhappy and lonely, that +any one must have seemed welcome from whom she might look for a friendly +and encouraging word to revive her deeply wounded self-respect. And +there came the young anchorite, who forgot himself and everything else in +her presence, whose looks, whose movement, whose very silence even seemed +to do homage to her. And then his bold spring into her room, and his +eager wooing--"This is love," said she to herself. Her cheeks glowed, +and when Hermas clasped her hand, and pressed her arm to his lips, she +could not repulse him, till Dorothea's voice reminded her of the worthy +lady and of the children, and through them of her own far-off sisters. + +The thought of these pure beings flowed over her troubled spirit like a +purifying stream, and the question passed through her mind, "What should +I be without these good folks over there, and is this great love-sick +boy, who stood before Polykarp just lately looking like a school-boy, is +he so worthy that I should for his sake give up the right of looking them +boldly in the face?" And she pushed Hermas roughly away, just as he was +venturing for the first time to apply his lips to her perfumed gold hair, +and desired him to be less forward, and to release her hand. + +She spoke in a low voice, but with such decision, that the lad, who was +accustomed to the habit of obedience, unresistingly allowed her to push +him into the sitting-room. There was a lamp burning on the table, and on +a bench by the wall of the room, which was lined with colored stucco, lay +the helmet, the centurion's staff, and the other portions of the armor +which Phoebicius had taken off before setting out for the feast of +Mithras, in order to assume the vestments of one of the initiated of the +grade of "Lion." + +The lamp-light revealed Sirona's figure, and as she stood before him in +all her beauty with glowing cheeks, the lad's heart began to beat high, +and with increased boldness he opened his arms, and endeavored to draw +her to him; but Sirona avoided him and went behind the table, and, +leaning her hands on its polished surface while it protected her like a +shield, she lectured him in wise and almost motherly words against his +rash, intemperate, and unbecoming behavior. + +Any one who was learned in the heart of woman might have smiled at such +words from such lips and in such an hour; but Hermas blushed and cast +down his eyes, and knew not what to answer. A great change had come over +the Gaulish lady; she felt a great pride in her virtue, and in the +victory she had won over herself, and while she sunned herself in the +splendor of her own merits, she wished that Hermas too should feel and +recognize them. She began to expatiate on all that she had to forego and +to endure in the oasis, and she discoursed of virtue and the duties of a +wife, and of the wickedness and audacity of men. + +Hermas, she said, was no better than the rest, and because she had shown +herself somewhat kind to him, he fancied already that he had a claim on +her liking; but he was greatly mistaken, and if only the courtyard had +been empty, she would long ago have shown him the door. + +The young hermit was soon only half listening to all she said, for his +attention had been riveted by the armor which lay before him, and which +gave a new direction to his excited feelings. He involuntarily put +out his hand towards the gleaming helmet, and interrupted the pretty +preacher with the question, "May I try it on?" + +Sirona laughed out loud and exclaimed, much amused and altogether +diverted from her train of thought, "To be sure. You ought to be a +soldier. How well it suits you! Take off your nasty sheepskin, and let +us see how the anchorite looks as a centurion." + +Hermas needed no second telling; he decked himself in the Gaul's armor +with Sirona's help. We human beings must indeed be in a deplorable +plight; otherwise how is it that from our earliest years we find such +delight in disguising ourselves; that is to say, in sacrificing our own +identity to the tastes of another whose aspect we borrow. The child +shares this inexplicable pleasure with the sage, and the stern man who +should condemn it would not therefore be the wiser, for he who wholly +abjures folly is a fool all the more certainly the less he fancies +himself one. Even dressing others has a peculiar charm, especially for +women; it is often a question which has the greater pleasure, the maid +who dresses her mistress or the lady who wears the costly garment. + +Sirona was devoted to every sort of masquerading. If it had been needful +to seek a reason why the senator's children and grandchildren were so +fond of her, by no means last or least would have been the fact that she +would willingly and cheerfully allow herself to be tricked out in colored +kerchiefs, ribands, and flowers, and on her part could contrive the most +fantastic costumes for them. So soon as she saw Hermas with the helmet +on, the fancy seized her to carry through the travesty he had begun. She +eagerly and in perfect innocence pulled the coat of armor straight, +helped him to buckle the breastplate and to fasten on the sword, and as +she performed the task, at which Hermas proved himself unskilful enough, +her gay and pleasant laugh rang out again and again. When he sought to +seize her hand, as he not seldom did, she hit him sharply on the fingers, +and scolded him. + +Hermas' embarrassment thawed before this pleasant sport, and soon he +began to tell her how hateful the lonely life on the mountain was to him. +He told her that Petrus himself had advised him to try his strength out +in the world, and he confided to her that if his father got well, he +meant to be a soldier, and do great deeds. She quite agreed with him, +praised and encouraged him, then she criticised his slovenly deportment, +showed him with comical gravity how a warrior ought to stand and walk, +called herself his drill-master, and was delighted at the zeal with which +he strove to imitate her. + +In such play the hours passed quickly. Hermas was proud of himself in +his soldierly garb, and was happy in her presence and in the hope of +future triumphs; and Sirona was gay, as she had usually been only when +playing with the children, so that even Miriam's wild cry, which the +youth explained to be the scream of an owl, only for a moment reminded +her of the danger in which she was placing herself. Petrus' slaves had +long gone to rest before she began to weary of amusing herself with +Hermas, and desired him to lay aside her husband's equipment, and to +leave her. Hermas obeyed while she warily opened the shutters, and +turning to him, said, "You cannot venture through the court-yard; you +must go through this window into the open street. But there is some one +coming down the road; let him pass first, it will not be long to wait, +for he is walking quickly." + +She carefully drew the shutters to, and laughed to see how clumsily +Hermas set to work to unbuckle the greaves; but the gay laugh died upon +her lips when the gate flew open, the greyhound and the senator's watch- +dogs barked loudly, and she recognized her husband's voice as he ordered +the dogs to be quiet. + +"Fly-fly-for the gods' sake!" she cried in a trembling voice. With that +ready presence of mind with which destiny arms the weakest woman in great +and sudden danger, she extinguished the lamp, flung open the shutter, and +pushed Hermas to the window. The boy did not stay to bid her farewell, +but swung himself with a strong leap down into the road, and, followed by +the barking of the dogs, which roused all the neighboring households, he +flew up the street to the little church. + +He had not got more than half-way when he saw a man coming towards him; +he sprang into the shadow of a house, but the belated walker accelerated +his steps, and came straight up to him. He set off running again, but +the other pursued him, and kept close at his heels till he had passed all +the houses and began to go up the mountain-path. Hermas felt that he was +outstripping his pursuer, and was making ready for a spring over a block +of stone that encumbered the path, when he heard his name called behind +him, and he stood still, for he recognized the voice of the man from whom +he was flying as that of his good friend Paulus. + +"You indeed" said the Alexandrian, panting for breath. "Yes, you are +swifter than I. Years hang lead on our heels, but do you know what it is +that lends them the swiftest wings? You have just learned it! It is a +bad conscience; and pretty things will be told about you; the dogs have +barked it all out loud enough to the night." + +"And so they may!" replied Hermas defiantly, and trying in vain to free +himself from the strong grasp of the anchorite who held him firmly. +"I have done nothing wrong." + +"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife!" interrupted Paulus in a tone +of stern severity. "You have been with the centurion's pretty wife, and +were taken by surprise. Where is your sheepskin?" + +Hermas started, felt on his shoulder, and exclaimed, striking his fist +against his forehead, "Merciful Heaven!--I have left it there! The +raging Gaul will find it." + +"He did not actually see you there?" asked Paulus eagerly. + +"No, certainly not," groaned Hermas, "but the skin--" + +"Well, well," muttered Paulus. "Your sin is none the less, but something +may be done in that case. Only think if it came to your father's ears; +it might cost him his life." + +"And that poor Sirona!" sighed Hermas. + +"Leave me to settle that," exclaimed Paulus. I will make everything +straight with her. There, take sheepskin. You will not? Well, to be +sure, the man who does not fear to commit adultery would make nothing of +becoming his father's murderer.--There, that is the way! fasten it +together over your shoulders; you will need it, for you must quit this +spot, and not for to-day and to-morrow only. You wanted to go out into +the world, and now you will have the opportunity of showing whether you +really are capable of walking on your own feet. First go to Raithu and +greet the pious Nikon in my name, and tell him that I remain here on the +mountain, for after long praying in the church I have found myself +unworthy of the office of elder which they offered me. Then get yourself +carried by some ship's captain across the Red Sea, and wander up and down +the Egyptian coast. The hordes of the Blemmyes have lately shown +themselves there; keep your eye on them, and when the wild bands are +plotting some fresh outbreak you can warn the watch on the mountain- +peaks; how to cross the sea and so outstrip them, it will be your +business to find out. Do you feel bold enough and capable of +accomplishing this task? Yes? So I expected! Now may the Lord guide +you. I will take care of your father, and his blessing and your mother's +will rest upon you if you sincerely repent, and if you now do your duty." + +"You shall learn that I am a man," cried Hermas with sparkling eyes. +"My bow and arrows are lying in your cave, I will fetch them and then-- +aye! you shall see whether you sent the right man on the errand. Greet +my father, and once more give me your hand." + +Paulus grasped the boy's right hand, drew him to him, and kissed his +forehead with fatherly tenderness. Then he said, "In my cave, under the +green stone, you will find six gold-pieces; take three of them with you +on your journey. You will probably need them at any rate to pay your +passage. Now be off, and get to Raithu in good time." + +Hermas hurried up the mountain, his head full of the important task +that had been laid upon him; dazzling visions of the great deeds he was +to accomplish eclipsed the image of the fair Sirona, and he was so +accustomed to believe in the superior insight and kindness of Paulus that +he feared no longer for Sirona now that his friend had made her affair +his own. + +The Alexandrian looked after him, and breathed a short prayer for him; +then he went down again into the valley. + +It was long past midnight, and the moon was sinking; it grew cooler and +cooler, and since he had given his sheepskin to Hermas he had nothing on, +but his thread-bare coat. Nevertheless he went slowly onwards, stopping +every now and then, moving his arms, and speaking incoherent words in a +low tone to himself. + +He thought of Hermas and Sirona, of his own youth, and of how in +Alexandria he himself had tapped at the shutters of the dark-haired Aso, +and the fair Simaitha. + +"A child--a mere boy," he murmured. "Who would have thought it? The +Gaulish woman no doubt may be handsome, and as for him, it is a fact, +that as he threw the discus I was myself surprised at his noble figure. +And his eyes--aye, he has Magdalen's eyes! If the Gaul had found him +with his wife, and had run his sword through his heart, he would have +gone unpunished by the earthly judge--however, his father is spared this +sorrow. In this desert the old man thought that his darling could not be +touched by the world and its pleasures. And now? These brambles I once +thought lay dried up on the earth, and could never get up to the top of +the palm-tree where the dates ripen, but a bird flew by, and picked up +the berries, and carried them into its nest at the highest point of the +tree. + +"Who can point out the road that another will take, and say to-day, 'To- +morrow I shall find him thus and not otherwise.' + +"We fools flee into the desert in order to forget the world, and the +world pursues us and clings to our skirts. Where are the shears that are +keen enough to cut the shadow from beneath our feet? What is the prayer +that can effectually release us--born of the flesh--from the burden of +the flesh? My Redeemer, Thou Only One, who knowest it, teach it to me, +the basest of the base." + + + + +ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS: + +He who wholly abjures folly is a fool +Some caution is needed even in giving a warning +Who can point out the road that another will take + + + + + + +HOMO SUM + +By Georg Ebers + +Volume 3. + + + +CHAPTER X. + +Within a few minutes after Hermas had flung himself out of window into +the roadway, Phoebicius walked into his sleeping-room. Sirona had had +time to throw herself on to her couch; she was terribly frightened, and +had turned her face to the wall. Did he actually know that some one had +been with her? And who could have betrayed her, and have called him +home? Or could he have come home by accident sooner than usual? + +It was dark in the room, and he could not see her face, and yet she kept +her eyes shut as if asleep, for every fraction of a minute in which she +could still escape seeing him in his fury seemed a reprieve; and yet her +heart beat so violently that it seemed to her that he must hear it, when +he approached the bed with a soft step that was peculiar to him. She +heard him walk up and down, and at last go into the kitchen that adjoined +the sleeping-room. In a few moments she perceived through her half- +closed eyes, that he, had brought in a light; he had lighted a lamp at +the hearth, and now searched both the rooms. + +As yet he had not spoken to her, nor opened his lips to utter a word. + +Now he was in the sitting-room, and now--involuntarily she drew herself +into a heap, and pulled the coverlet over her head--now he laughed aloud, +so loud and scornfully, that she felt her hands and feet turn cold, and a +rushing crimson mist floated before her eyes. Then the light came back +into the bed-room, and came nearer and nearer. She felt her head pushed +by his hard hand, and with a feeble scream she flung off the coverlet and +sat up. + +Still he did not speak a word, but what she saw was quite enough to +smother the last spark of her courage and hope, for her husband's eyes +showed only the whites, his sallow features were ashy-pale, and on his +brow the branded mark of Mithras stood out more clearly than ever. In +his right hand he held the lamp, in his left Hermas' sheepskin. + +As his haggard eye met hers he held the anchorite's matted garment so +close to her face, that it touched her. Then he threw it violently on +the floor, and asked in a low, husky voice, "What is that?" + +She was silent. He went up to the little table near her bed; on it stood +her night-draught in a pretty colored glass, that Polykarp had brought +her from Alexandria as a token, and with the back of his hand he swept it +from the table, so that it fell on the dais, and flew with a crash into a +thousand fragments. She screamed, the greyhound sprang up and barked at +the Gaul. He seized the little beast's collar, and flung it so violently +across the room, that it uttered a pitiful cry of pain. The dog had +belonged to Sirona since she was quite a girl, it had come with her to +Rome, and from thence to the oasis; it clung to her with affection, and +she to it, for Iambe liked no one to caress and stroke her so much as her +mistress. She was so much alone, and the greyhound was always with her, +and not only entertained her by such tricks as any other dog might have +learned, but was to her a beloved, dumb, but by no means deaf, companion +from her early home, who would prick its ears when she spoke the name of +her dear little sisters in distant Arelas, from whom she had not heard +for years; or it would look sadly in her face, and kiss her white hands, +when longing forced tears into her eyes. + +In her solitary, idle, childless existence Iambe was much, very much, to +her, and now as she saw her faithful companion and friend creep ill- +treated and whining up to her bed--as the supple animal tried in vain to +spring up and take refuge in her lap, and held out to his mistress his +trembling, perhaps broken, little paw, fear vanished from the miserable +young woman's heart--she sprang from her couch, took the little dog in +her arms, and exclaimed with a glance, which flashed with anything rather +than fear or repentance: "You do not touch the poor little beast again, +if you take my advice." + +"I will drown it to-morrow morning," replied Phoebicius with perfect +indifference, but with an evil smile on his flaccid lips. "So many two- +legged lovers make themselves free to my house, that I do not see why I +should share your affections with a quadruped into the bargain. How came +this sheepskin here?" Sirona vouchsafed no answer to this last question, +but she exclaimed in great excitement, "By God--by your God--by the +mighty Rock, and by all the gods! if you do the little beast a harm, it +will be the last day I stop in your house." + +"Hear her!" said the centurion, "and where do you propose to travel to? +The desert is wide and there is room and to spare to starve in it, and +for your bones to bleach there. How grieved your lovers would be--for +their sakes I will take care before drowning the dog to lock in its +mistress." + +"Only try to touch me," screamed Sirona beside herself, and springing to +the window. "If you lay a finger on me, I will call for help, and +Dorothea and her husband will protect me against you." + +"Hardly," answered Phoebicius drily. "It would suit you no doubt to find +yourself under the same roof as that great boy who brings you colored +glass, and throws roses into your window, and perhaps has strewed the +road with them by which he found his way to you to-day. But there are +nevertheless laws which protect the Roman citizen from criminals and +impudent seducers. You were always a great deal too much in the house +over there, and you have exchanged your games with the little screaming +beggars for one with the grownup child, the rose-thrower-the fop, who, +for your sake, and not to be recognized, covers up his purple coat with a +sheepskin! Do you think, you can teach me anything about lovesick night- +wanderers and women? + +"I see through it all! Not one step do you set henceforth across Petrus' +threshold. There is the open window--scream--scream as loud as you will, +and let all the people know of your disgrace. I have the greatest mind +to carry this sheepskin to the judge, the first thing in the morning. I +shall go now, and set the room behind the kitchen in order for you; there +is no window there through which men in sheepskin can get in to my house. +You shall live there till you are tamed, and kiss my feet, and confess +what has been going on here to-night. I shall learn nothing from the +senator's slaves, that I very well know; for you have turned all their +heads too--they grin with delight when they see you. All friends are +made welcome by you, even when they wear nothing but sheepskin. But they +may do what they please--I have the right keeper for you in my own hand. +I am going at once--you may scream if you like, but I should myself +prefer that you should keep quiet. As to the dog, we have not yet heard +the last of the matter; for the present I will keep him here. If you are +quiet and come to your senses, he may live for aught I care; but if you +are refractory, a rope and a stone can soon be found, and the stream runs +close below. You know I never jest--least of all just now." + +Sirona's whole frame was in the most violent agitation. Her breath came +quickly, her limbs trembled, but she could not find words to answer him. + +Phoebicius saw what was passing in her mind, and he went on, "You may +snort proudly now; but an hour will come when you will crawl up to me +like your lame dog, and pray for mercy. I have another idea--you will +want a couch in the dark room, and it must be soft, or I shall be blamed; +I will spread out the sheepskin for you. You see I know how to value +your adorer's offerings." + +The Gaul laughed loud, seized the hermit's garment, and went with the +lamp into the dark room behind the kitchen, in which vessels and utensils +of various sorts were kept. These he set on one side to turn it into a +sleeping-room for his wife, of whose guilt he was fully convinced. + +Who the man was for whose sake she had dishonored him, he knew not, for +Miriam had said nothing more than, "Go home, your wife is laughing with +her lover." + +While her husband was still threatening and storming, Sirona had said to +herself, that she would rather die than live any longer with this man. +That she herself was not free from fault never occurred to her mind. He +who is punished more severely than he deserves, easily overlooks his own +fault in his feeling of the judge's injustice. + +Phoebicius was right; neither Petrus nor Dorothea had it in their power +to protect her against him, a Roman citizen. If she could not contrive +to help her self she was a prisoner, and without air, light, and freedom +she could not live. During his last speech her resolution had been +quickly matured, and hardly had he turned his back and crossed the +threshold, than she hurried up to her bed, wrapped the trembling +greyhound in the coverlet, took it in her arms like a child, and ran into +the sitting-room with her light burden; the shutters were still open of +the window through which Hermas had fled into the open. With the help of +a stool she took the same way, let herself slip down from the sill into +the street, and hastened on without aim or goal--inspired only by the +wish to escape durance in the dark room, and to burst every bond that +tied her to her hated mate--up the church-hill and along the road which +lead over the mountain to the sea. + +Phoebicius gave her a long start, for after having arranged her prison he +remained some time in the little room behind the kitchen, not in order to +give her time, collect his thoughts or to reflect on his future action, +but simply because he felt utterly exhausted. + +The centurion was nearly sixty years of age, and his frame, originally a +powerful one, was now broken by every sort of dissipation, and could no +longer resist the effects of the strain and excitement of this night. + +The lean, wiry, and very active man did not usually fall into these +fits of total enervation excepting in the daytime, for after sundown a +wonderful change would come over the gray-headed veteran, who +nevertheless still displayed much youthful energy in the exercise of his +official duties. At night his drooping eyelids, that almost veiled his +eyes, opened more wildly, his flaccid hanging under-lip closed firmly, +his long neck and narrow elongated head were held erect, and when, at a +later hour, he went out to drinking-bouts or to the service in honor of +Mithras, he might often still be taken for a fine, indomitable young man. + +But when he was drunk he was no longer gay, but wild, braggart, and +noisy. It frequently happened that before he left the carouse, while he +was still in the midst of his boon-companions, the syncope would come +upon him which had so often alarmed Sirona, and from which he could never +feel perfectly safe even when he was on duty at the head of his soldiers. + +The vehement big man in such moments offered a terrible image of helpless +impotence; the paleness of death would overspread his features, his back +was as if it were broken, and he lost his control over every limb. His +eyes only continued to move, and now and then a shudder shook his frame. +His people said that when he was in this condition, the centurion's +ghastly demon had entered into him, and he himself believed in this evil +spirit, and dreaded it; nay, he had attempted to be released through +heathen spells, and even through Christian exorcisms. Now he sat in the +dark room on the sheepfell, which in scorn of his wife he had spread on +a hard wooden bench. His hands and feet turned cold, his eyes glowed, +and the power to move even a finger had wholly deserted him; only his +lips twitched, and his inward eye, looking back on the past with +preternaturally sharpened vision, saw, far away and beyond, the last +frightful hour. + +"If," thought he, "after my mad run down to the oasis, which few younger +men could have vied with, I had given the reins to my fury instead of +restraining it, the demon would not have mastered me so easily. How that +devil Miriam's eyes flashed as she told me that a man was betraying me. +She certainly must have seen the wearer of the sheepskin, but I lost +sight of her before I reached the oasis; I fancy she turned and went up +the mountain. What indeed might not Sirona have done to her? That woman +snares all hearts with her eyes as a bird-catcher snares birds with his +flute. How the fine gentlemen ran after her in Rome! Did she dishonor +me there, I wonder? She dismissed the Legate Quintillus, who was so +anxious to please me--I may thank that fool of a woman that he became my +enemy--but he was older even than I, and she likes young men best. She +is like all the rest of them, and I of all men might have known it. It +is the way of the world: to-day one gives a blow and to-morrow takes +one." + +A sad smile passed over his lips, then his features settled into a stern +gravity, for various unwelcome images rose clearly before his mind, and +would not be got rid of. + +His conscience stood in inverse relation to the vigor of his body. When +he was well, his too darkly stained past life troubled him little; but +when he was unmanned by weakness, he was incapable of fighting the +ghastly demon that forced upon his memory in painful vividness those very +deeds which he would most willingly have forgotten. In such hours he +must need remember his friend, his benefactor, and superior officer, the +Tribune Servianus, whose fair young wife he had tempted with a thousand +arts to forsake her husband and child, and fly with him into the wide +world; and at this moment a bewildering illusion made him fancy that he +was the Tribune Servianus, and yet at the same time himself. Every hour +of pain, and the whole bitter anguish that his betrayed benefactor had +suffered through his act when he had seduced Glycera, he himself now +seemed to realize, and at the same time the enemy that had betrayed him, +Servianus, was none other than himself, Phoebicius, the Gaul. He tried +to protect himself and meditated revenge against the seducer, and still +he could not altogether lose the sense of his own identity. + +This whirl of mad imagining, which he vainly endeavored to make clear to +himself, threatened to distract his reason, and he groaned aloud; the +sound of his own voice brought him back to actuality. + +He was Phoebicius again and not another, that he knew now, and yet he +could not completely bring himself to comprehend the situation. The +image of the lovely Glycera, who had followed him to Alexandria, and whom +he had there abandoned, when he had squandered his last piece of money +and her last costly jewels in the Greek city, no longer appeared to him +alone, but always side by side with his wife Sirona. + +Glycera had been a melancholy sweetheart, who had wept much, and laughed +little after running away from her husband; he fancied he could hear her +speaking soft words of reproach, while Sirona defied him with loud +threats, and dared to nod and signal to the senator's son Polykarp. + +The weary dreamer angrily shook himself, collected his thoughts, doubled +his fist, and lifted it angrily; this movement was the first sign of +returning physical energy; he stretched his limbs like a man awaking from +sleep, rubbed his eyes, pressed his hands to his temples; by degrees full +consciousness returned to him, and with it the recollection of all that +had occurred in the last hour or two. + +He hastily left the dark room, refreshed himself in the kitchen with a +gulp of wine, and went up to the open window to gaze at the stars. + +It was long past midnight; he was reminded of his companions now +sacrificing on the mountain, and addressed a long prayer "to the crown," +"the invincible sun-god," "the great light," "the god begotten of the +rock," and to many other names of Mithras; for since he had belonged to +the mystics of this divinity, he had become a zealous devotee, and could +fast too with extraordinary constancy. He had already passed through +several of the eighty trials, to which a man had to subject himself +before he could attain to the highest grades of the initiated, and the +weakness which had just now overpowered him, had attacked him for the +first time, after he had for a whole week lain for hours in the snow, +besides fasting severely, in order to attain the grade of "lion." + +Sirona's rigorous mind was revolted by all these practices, and the +decision with which she had always refused to take any part in them, +had widened the breach which, without that, parted her from her husband. +Phoebicius was, in his fashion, very much in earnest with all these +things; for they alone saved him in some measure from himself, from dark +memories, and from the fear of meeting the reward of his evil deeds in a +future life, while Sirona found her best comfort in the remembrance of +her early life, and so gathered courage to endure the miserable present +cheerfully, and to hold fast to hope for better times. + +Phoebicius ended his prayer to-day--a prayer for strength to break his +wife's strong spirit, for a successful issue to his revenge on her +seducer--ended it without haste, and with careful observance of all the +prescribed forms. Then he took two strong ropes from the wall, pulled +himself up, straight and proud, as if he were about to exhort his +soldiers to courage before a battle, cleared his throat like an orator in +the Forum before he begins his discourse, and entered the bedroom with a +dignified demeanor. Not the smallest suspicion of the possibility of her +escape troubled his sense of security, when, not finding Sirona in the +sleeping-room, he went into the sitting-room to carry out the meditated +punishment. Here again--no one. + +He paused in astonishment; but the thought that she could have fled +appeared to him so insane, that he immediately and decisively dismissed +it. No doubt she feared his wrath, and was hidden under her bed or +behind the curtain which covered his clothes. "The dog," thought he, +"is still cowering by her--" and he began to make a noise, half whistling +and half hissing, which Iambe could not bear, and which always provoked +her to bark angrily--but in vain. All was still in the vacant room, +still as death. He was now seriously anxious; at first deliberately, and +then with rapid haste, he threw the light under every vessel, into every +corner, behind every cloth, and rummaged in places that not even a child +--nay hardly a frightened bird could have availed itself of for +concealment. At last his right hand fairly dropped the ropes, and his +left, in which he held the lamp, began to tremble. He found the shutters +of the sleeping-room open; where Sirona had been sitting on the seat +looking at the moon, before Hermas had come upon the scene. "Then she is +not here!" he muttered, and setting the lamp on the little table, from +which he had just now flung Polykarp's glass, he tore open the door, and +hurried into the courtyard. That she could have swung herself out into +the road, and have set out in the night for the open desert, had not yet +entered into his mind. He shook the door that closed in the homestead, +and found it locked; the watch-dogs roused themselves, and gave tongue, +when Phoebicius turned to Petrus' house, and began to knock at the door +with the brazen knocker, at first softly and then with growing anger; he +considered it as certain that his wife had sought and found protection +under the senator's roof. He could have shouted with rage and anguish, +and yet he hardly thought of his wife and the danger of losing her, but +only of Polykarp and the disgrace he had wrought upon him, and the +reparation he would exact from him, and his parents, who had dared to +tamper with his household rights--his, the imperial centurion's. + +What was Sirona to him? In the flush of an hour of excitement he had +linked her destiny to his. + +At Arelas, about two years since, one of his comrades had joined their +circle of boon-companions, and had related that he had been the witness +of a remarkable scene. A number of young fellows had surrounded a boy +and had unmercifully beaten him--he himself knew not wherefore. The +little one had defended himself bravely, but was at last overcome by +numbers. "Then suddenly," continued the soldier, "the door of a house +near the circus opened, and a young girl with long golden hair flew out, +and drove the boys to flight, and released the victim, her brother, from +his tormentors. She looked like a lioness," cried the narrator, "Sirona +she is called, and of all the pretty girls of Arelas, she is beyond a +doubt the prettiest." This opinion was confirmed on all sides, and +Phoebicius, who at that time had just been admitted to the grade of +"lion" among the worshippers of Mithras, and liked very well to hear +himself called "the lion," exclaimed, "I have long been seeking a +lioness, and here it seems to me that I have found one. Phoebicius and +Sirona--the two names sound very finely together." + +On the following day he asked Sirona of her father for his wife, and as +he had to set out for Rome in a few days the wedding was promptly +celebrated. She had never before quitted Arelas, and knew not what she +was giving up, when she took leave of her father's house perhaps for +ever. In Rome Phoebicius and his young wife met again; there many +admired the beautiful woman, and made every effort to obtain her favor, +but to him she was only a lightly won, and therefore a lightly valued, +possession; nay, ere long no more than a burden, ornamental no doubt but +troublesome to guard. When presently his handsome wife attracted the +notice of the legate, he endeavored to gain profit and advancement +through her, but Sirona had rebuffed Quintillus with such insulting +disrespect, that his superior officer became the centurion's enemy, and +contrived to procure his removal to the oasis, which was tantamount to +banishment. + +From that time he had regarded her too as his enemy, and firmly believed +that she designedly showed herself most friendly to those who seemed most +obnoxious to him, and among these he reckoned Polykarp. + +Once more the knocker sounded on the senator's door; it opened, and +Petrus himself stood before the raging Gaul, a lamp in his hand. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + +The unfortunate Paulus sat on a stone bench in front of the senator's +door, and shivered; for, as dawn approached, the night-air grew cooler, +and he was accustomed to the warmth of the sheepskin, which he had now +given to Hermas. In his hand he held the key of the church, which he had +promised the door-keeper to deliver to Petrus; but all was so still in +the senator's house, that he shrank from rousing the sleepers. + +"What a strange night this has been!" he muttered to himself, as he drew +his short and tattered tunic closer together. "Even if it were warmer, +and if, instead of this threadbare rag, I had a sack of feathers to wrap +myself in, still I should feel a cold shiver if the spirits of hell that +wander about here were to meet me again. Now I have actually seen one +with my own eyes. Demons in women's form rush up the mountain out of the +oasis to tempt and torture us in our sleep. What could it have been that +the goblin in a white robe and with flowing hair held in its arms? Very +likely the stone with which the incubus loads our breast when he torments +us. The other one seemed to fly, but I did not see its wings. That +side-building must be where the Gaul lives with his ungodly wife, who has +ensnared my poor Hermas. I wonder whether she is really so beautiful! +But what can a youth who has grown up among rocks and caves know of the +charms of women. He would, of course, think the first who looked kindly +at him the most enchanting of her sex. Besides she is fair, and +therefore a rare bird among the sunburnt bipeds of the desert. The +centurion surely cannot have found the sheepskin or all would not be so +still here; once since I have been here an ass has brayed, once a camel +has groaned, and now already the first cock is crowing; but not a sound +have I heard from human lips, not even a snore from the stout senator or +his buxom wife Dorothea, and it would be strange indeed if they did not +both snore." + +He rose, went up to the window of Phoebicius dwelling, and listened at +the half open shutters, but all was still. + +An hour ago Miriam had been listening under Sirona's room; after +betraying her to Phoebicius she had followed him at a distance, and had +slipped back into the court-yard through the stables; she felt that she +must learn what was happening within, and what fate had befallen Hermas +and Sirona at the hands of the infuriated Gaul. She was prepared for +anything, and the thought that the centurion might have killed them both +with the sword filled her with bitter-sweet satisfaction. Then, seeing +the light through the crack between the partly open wooden shutters, she +softly pushed them farther apart, and, resting her bare feet against the +wall, she raised herself to look in. + +She saw Sirona sitting up upon her couch, and opposite to her the Gaul +with pale distorted features; at his feet lay the sheepskin; in his right +hand he held the lamp, and its light fell on the paved floor in front of +the bed, and was reflected in a large dark red pool. + +"That is blood," thought she, and she shuddered and closed her eyes. + +When she reopened them she saw Sirona's face with crimson cheeks, turned +towards her husband; she was unhurt--but Hermas? + +"'That is his blood!" she thought with anguish, and a voice seemed to +scream in her very heart, "I, his murderess, have shed it." + +Her hands lost their hold of the shutters, her feet touched the pavement +of the yard, and, driven by her bitter anguish of soul, she fled out by +the way she had come--out into the open and up to the mountain. She felt +that rather would she defy the prowling panthers, the night-chill, hunger +and thirst, than appear again before Dame Dorothea, the senator, and +Marthana, with this guilt on her soul; and the flying Miriam was one of +the goblin forms that had terrified Paulus. + +The patient anchorite sat down again on the stone seat. "The frost is +really cruel," thought he, "and a very good thing is such a woolly +sheepskin; but the Saviour endured far other sufferings than these, and +for what did I quit the world but to imitate Him, and to endure to the +end here that I may win the joys of the other world. There, where angels +soar, man will need no wretched ram's fell, and this time certainly +selfishness has been far from me, for I really and truly suffer for +another--I am freezing for Hermas, and to spare the old man pain. I +would it were even colder! Nay, I will never, absolutely never again lay +a sheepskin over my shoulders." + +Paulus nodded his head as if to signify assent to his own resolve; but +presently he looked graver, for again it seemed to him that he was +walking in a wrong path. + +"Aye! Man achieves a handful of good, and forthwith his heart swells +with a camel-load of pride. What though my teeth are chattering, I am +none the less a most miserable creature. How it tickled my vanity, in +spite of all my meditations and scruples, when they came from Raithu and +offered me the office of elder; I felt more triumphant the first time I +won with the quadriga, but I was scarcely more puffed up with pride then, +than I was yesterday. How many who think to follow the Lord strive only +to be exalted as He is; they keep well out of the way of His abasement. +Thou, O Thou Most High, art my witness that I earnestly seek it, but +so soon as the thorns tear my flesh the drops of blood turn to roses, and +if I put them aside, others come and still fling garlands in my way. I +verily believe that it is as hard here on earth to find pain without +pleasure, as pleasure without pain." + +While thus he meditated his teeth chattered with cold, but suddenly his +reflections were interrupted, for the dogs set up a loud barking. +Phoebicius was knocking at the senator's door. + +Paulus rose at once, and approached the gate-way. He could hear every +word that was spoken in the court-yard; the deep voice was the senator's, +the high sharp tones must be the centurion's. + +Phoebicius was demanding his wife back from Petrus, as she had hidden in +his house, while Petrus positively declared that Sirona had not crossed +his threshold since the morning of the previous day. + +In spite of the vehement and indignant tones in which his lodger spoke, +the senator remained perfectly calm, and presently went away to ask his +wife whether she by chance, while he was asleep, had opened the house to +the missing woman. Paulus heard the soldier's steps as he paced up and +down the court-yard, but they soon ceased, for Dame Dorothea appeared at +the door with her husband, and on her part emphatically declared that she +knew nothing of Sirona. + +"Your son Polykarp then," interrupted Phoebicius, "will be better +informed of her whereabouts." + +"My son has been since yesterday at Raithu on business," said Petrus +resolutely but evasively; "we expect him home to-day only." + +"It would seem that he has been quick, and has returned much sooner," +retorted Phoebicius. "Our preparations for sacrificing on the mountain +were no secret, and the absence of the master of the house is the +opportunity for thieves to break in--above all, for lovers who throw +roses into their ladies' windows. You Christians boast that you regard +the marriage tie as sacred, but it seems to me that you apply the rule +only to your fellow-believers. Your sons may make free to take their +pleasure among the wives of the heathen; it only remains to be proved +whether the heathen husbands will be trifled with or not. So far as I am +concerned, I am inclined for anything rather than jesting. I would have +you to understand that I will never let Caesar's uniform, which I wear, +be stained by disgrace, and that I am minded to search your house, and if +I find my undutiful wife and your son within its walls, I will carry them +and you before the judge, and sue for my rights." + +"You will seek in vain," replied Petrus, commanding himself with +difficulty. "My word is yea or nay, and I repeat once more no, we +harbor neither her nor him. As for Dorothea and myself--neither of us +is inclined to interfere in your concerns, but neither will we permit +another--be he whom he may--to interfere in ours. This threshold shall +never be crossed by any but those to whom I grant permission, or by the +emperor's judge, to whom I must yield. You, I forbid to enter. Sirona +is not here, and you would do better to seek her elsewhere than to +fritter away your time here." + +"I do not require your advice!" cried the centurion wrathfully. + +"And I," retorted Petrus, "do not feel myself called upon to arrange your +matrimonial difficulties. Besides you can get back Sirona without our +help, for it is always more difficult to keep a wife safe in the house, +than to fetch her back when she has run away." + +"You shall learn whom you have to deal with!" threatened the centurion, +and he threw a glance round at the slaves, who had collected in the +court, and who had been joined by the senator's eldest son. "I shall +call my people together at once, and if you have the seducer among you we +will intercept his escape." + +"Only wait an hour," said Dorothea, now taking up the word, while she +gently touched her husband's hand, for his self-control was almost +exhausted, "I and you will see Polykarp ride home on his father's horse. +Is it only from the roses that my son threw into your wife's window, that +you suppose him to be her seducer--she plays so kindly with all his +brothers and sisters--or are there other reasons, which move you to +insult and hurt us with so heavy an accusation?" + +Often when wrathful men threaten to meet with an explosion, like black +thunder-clouds, a word from the mouth of a sensible woman gives them +pause, and restrains them like a breath of soft wind. + +Phoebicius had no mind to listen to any speech from Polykarp's mother, +but her question suggested to him for the first time a rapid retrospect +of all that had occurred, and he could not conceal from himself that his +suspicions rested on weak grounds. And at the same time he now said to +himself, that if indeed Sirona had fled into the desert instead of to the +senator's house he was wasting time, and letting the start, which she had +already gained, increase in a fatal degree. + +But few seconds were needed for these reflections, and as he was +accustomed when need arose to control himself, he said: + +"We must see--some means must be found--" and then without any greeting +to his host, he slowly returned to his own house. But he had not reached +the door, when he heard hoofs on the road, and Petrus called after him, +"Grant us a few minutes longer, for here comes Polykarp, and he can +justify himself to you in his own person." + +The centurion paused, the senator signed to old Jethro to open the gate; +a man was heard to spring from his saddle, but it was an Amalekite--and +not Polykarp--who came into the court. + +"What news do you bring?" asked the senator, turning half to the +messenger and half to the centurion. "My lord Polykarp, your son," +replied the Amalekite--a dark brown man of ripe years with supple limbs, +and a sharp tongue--"sends his greetings to you and to the mistress, and +would have you to know that before mid-day he will arrive at home with +eight workmen, whom he has engaged in Raithu. Dame Dorothea must be good +enough to make ready for them all and to prepare a meal." + +"When did you part from my son?" inquired Petrus. + +"Two hours before sundown." + +Petrus heaved a sigh of relief, for he had not till now been perfectly +convinced of his son's innocence; but, far from triumphing or making +Phoebicius feel the injustice he had done him, he said kindly--for he +felt some sympathy with the Gaul in his misfortune: + +"I wish the messenger could also give some news of your wife's retreat; +she found it hard to accommodate herself to the dull life here in the +oasis, perhaps she has only disappeared in order to seek a town which may +offer more variety to such a beautiful young creature than this quiet +spot in the desert." + +Phoebicius waved his hand with a negative movement, implying that he knew +better, and said, "I will show you what your nice night-bird left in my +nest. It may be that you can tell me to whom it belongs." + +Just as he hastily stepped across the court-yard to his own dwelling +Paulus entered by the now open gate; he greeted the senator and his +family, and offered Petrus the key of the church. + +The sun meanwhile had risen, and the Alexandrian blushed to show himself +in Dame Dorothea's presence in his short and ragged under-garment, which +was quite inefficient to cover the still athletic mould of his limbs. +Petrus had heard nothing but good of Paulus, and yet he measured him now +with no friendly eye, for all that wore the aspect of extravagance +repelled his temperate and methodical nature. Paulus was made conscious +of what was passing in the senator's mind when, without vouchsafing a +single word, he took the key from his hand. It was not a matter of +indifference to him, that this man should think ill of him, and he said, +with some embarrassment: + +"We do not usually go among people without a sheepskin, but I have lost +mine." + +Hardly had he uttered the words, when Phoebicius came back with Hermas' +sheepskin in his hand, and cried out to Petrus: + +"This I found on my return home, in our sleeping-room." + +"And when have you ever seen Polykarp in such a mantle?" asked Dorothea. + +"When the gods visit the daughters of men," replied the centurion, "they +have always made choice of strange disguises. Why should not a perfumed +Alexandrian gentleman transform himself for once into one of those rough +fools on the mountain? However, even old Homer sometimes nodded--and I +confess that I was in error with regard to your son. I meant no offence, +senator! You have lived here longer than I; who can have made me a +present of this skin, which still seems to be pretty new--horns and all." + +Petrus examined and felt the skin, "This is an anchorite's garment," he +said; "the penitents on the mountain are all accustomed to wear such." + +"It is one of those rascals then that has found his way into my house!" +exclaimed the centurion. "I bear Caesar's commission, and I am to +exterminate ill vagabonds that trouble the dwellers in the oasis, or +travellers in the desert. Thus run the orders which I brought with me +from Rome. I will drive the low fellows together like deer for hunting, +for they are all rogues and villains, and I shall know how to torture +them until I find the right one." + +"The emperor will ill-requite you for that," replied Petrus. "They are +pious Christians, and you know that Constantine himself--" + +"Constantine!" exclaimed the centurion scornfully. "Perhaps he will let +himself be baptized, for water can hurt no one, and he cannot, like the +great Diocletian, exterminate the masses who run after the crucified +miracle-monger, without depopulating the country. Look at these coins; +here is the image of Caesar, and what is this on the other side? Is this +your Nazarene, or is it the old god, the immortal and invincible sun? +And is that man one of your creed, who in Constantinople adores Tyche and +the Dioscuri Castor and Pollux? The water he is baptized with to-day he +will wipe away to-morrow, and the old gods will be his defenders, if in +more peaceful times he maintains them against your superstitions." + +"But it will be a good while till then," said Perrus coolly. "For the +present, at least, Constantine is the protector of the Christians. I +advise you to put your affair into the hands of Bishop Agapitus." + +"That he may serve me up a dish of your doctrine, which is bad even for +women," said the centurion laughing; "and that I may kiss my enemies' +feet? They are a vile rabble up there, I repeat it, and they shall be +treated as such till I have found my man. I shall begin the hunt this +very day." + +"And this very day you may end it, for the sheepskin is mine." + +It was Paulus who spoke these words in a loud and decided tone; all eyes +were at once turned on him and on the centurion. + +Petrus and the slaves had frequently seen the anchorite, but never +without a sheepskin similar to that which Phoebicius held in his hand. +The anchorite's self-accusation must have appeared incredible, and indeed +scarcely possible, to all who knew Paulus and Sirona; and nevertheless no +one, not even the senator, doubted it for an instant. Dame Dorothea only +shook her head incredulously, and though she could find no explanation +for the occurrence, she still could not but say to herself, that this man +did not look like a lover, and that Sirona would hardly have forgotten +her duty for his sake. She could not indeed bring herself to believe in +Sirona's guilt at all, for she was heartily well disposed towards her; +besides--though it, no doubt, was not right--her motherly vanity inclined +her to believe that if the handsome young woman had indeed sinned, she +would have preferred her fine tall Polykarp--whose roses and flaming +glances she blamed in all sincerity--to this shaggy, wild-looking +graybeard. + +Quite otherwise thought the centurion. He was quite ready to believe in +the anchorite's confession, for the more unworthy the man for whom Sirona +had broken faith, the greater seemed her guilt, and the more unpardonable +her levity; and to his man's vanity it seemed to him easier--particularly +in the presence of such witnesses as Petrus and Dorothea--to bear the +fact that his wife should have sought variety and pleasure at any cost, +even at that of devoting herself to a ragged beggar, than that she should +have given her affections to a younger, handsomer, and worthier man than +himself. He had sinned much against her, but all that lay like feathers +on his side of the scales, while that which she had done weighed down +hers like a load of lead. He began to feel like a man who, in wading +through a bog, has gained firm ground with one foot, and all these +feelings gave him energy to walk up to the anchorite with a self-control, +of which he was not generally master, excepting when on duty at the head +of his soldiers. + +He approached the Alexandrian with an assumption of dignity and a +demeanor which testified to his formerly having taken part in the +representations of tragedies in the theatres of great cities. Paulus, +on his part, did not retreat by a single step, but looked at him with a +smile that alarmed Petrus and the rest of the bystanders. The law put +the anchorite absolutely into the power of the outraged husband, but +Phoebicius did not seem disposed to avail himself of his rights, and +nothing but contempt and loathing were perceptible in his tone, as he +said: + +"A man who takes hold of a mangy dog in order to punish him, only dirties +his hand. The woman who betrayed me for your sake, and you--you dirty +beggar--are worthy of each other. I could crush you like a fly that can +be destroyed by a blow of my hand if I chose, but my sword is Caesar's, +and shall never be soiled by such foul blood as yours; however, the beast +shall not have cast off his skin for nothing, it is thick, and so you +have only spared me the trouble of tearing it off you before giving you +your due. You shall find no lack of blows. Confess where your +sweetheart has fled to and they shall be few, but if you are slow to +answer they will be many. Lend me that thing there, fellow!" + +With these words he took a whip of hippopotamus hide out of a camel- +driver's band, went close up to the Alexandrian, and asked: "Where is +Sirona?" + +"Nay, you may beat me," said Paulus. "However hard your whip may fall on +me, it cannot be heavy enough for my sins; but as to where your wife is +hiding, that I really cannot tell you--not even if you were to tear my +limbs with pincers instead of stroking me with that wretched thing." + +There was something so genuinely honest in Paulus' voice and tone, that +the centurion was inclined to believe him; but it was not his way to let +a threatened punishment fail of execution, and this strange beggar should +learn by experience that when his hand intended to hit hard, it was far +from "stroking." And Paulus did experience it, without uttering a cry, +and without stirring from the spot where he stood. + +When at last Phoebicius dropped his weary arm and breathlessly repeated +his question, the ill-used man replied, "I told you before I do not know, +and therefore I cannot reveal it." + +Up to this moment Petrus, though he had felt strongly impelled to rush +to the rescue of his severely handled fellow-believer, had nevertheless +allowed the injured husband to have his way, for he seemed disposed to +act with unusual mildness, and the Alexandrian to be worthy of all +punishment; but at this point Dorothea's request would not have been +needed to prompt him to interfere. + +He went up to the centurion, and said to him in an undertone, "You have +given the evil-doer his due, and if you desire that he should undergo a +severer punishment than you can inflict, carry the matter--I say once +more--before the bishop. You will gain nothing more here. Take my word +for it, I know the man and his fellow-men; he actually knows nothing of +where your wife is hiding, and you are only wasting the time and strength +which you would do better to save, in order to search for Sirona. +I fancy she will have tried to reach the sea, and to get to Egypt or +possibly to Alexandria; and there--you know what the Greek city is--she +will fall into utter ruin." + +"And so," laughed the Gaul, "find what she seeks--variety, and every kind +of pleasure. For a young thing like that, who loves amusement, there is +no pleasant occupation but vice. But I will spoil her game; you are +right, it is not well to give her too long a start. If she has found +the road to the sea, she may already--Hey, here Talib!" He beckoned to +Polykarp's Amalekite messenger. "You have just come from Raithu; did you +meet a flying woman on the way, with yellow hair and a white face?" + +The Amalekite, a free man with sharp eyes, who was highly esteemed in the +senator's house, and even by Phoebicius himself, as a trustworthy and +steady man, had expected this question, and eagerly replied: + +"At two stadia beyond el Heswe I met a large caravan from Petra, which +rested yesterday in the oasis here; a woman, such as you describe, was +running with it. When I heard what had happened here I wanted to speak, +but who listens to a cricket while it thunders?" + +"Had she a lame greyhound with her?" asked Phoebicius, full of +expectation. + +"She carried something in her arms," answered the Amalekite. "In the +moonlight I took it for a baby. My brother, who was escorting the +caravan, told me the lady was no doubt running away, for she had paid the +charge for the escort not in ready money, but with a gold signet-ring." + +The Gaul remembered a certain gold ring with a finely carved onyx, which +long years ago he had taken from Glycera's finger, for she had another +one like it, and which he had given to Sirona on the day of their +marriage. + +"It is strange!" thought he, "what we give to women to bind them to us +they use as weapons to turn against us, be it to please some other man, +or to smooth the path by which they escape from us. It was with a +bracelet of Glycera's that I paid the captain of the ship that brought us +to Alexandria; but the soft-hearted fool, whose dove flew after me, and I +are men of a different stamp; I will follow my flown bird, and catch it +again." He spoke the last words aloud, and then desired one of the +senator's slaves to give his mule a good feed and drink, for his own +groom, and the superior decurion who during his absence must take his +place, were also worshippers of Mithras, and had not yet returned from +the mountain. + +Phoebicius did not doubt that the woman who had joined the caravan--which +he himself had seen yesterday--was his fugitive wife, and he knew that +his delay might have reduced his earnest wish to overtake her and punish +her to the remotest probability; but he was a Roman soldier, and would +rather have laid violent hands on himself than have left his post without +a deputy. When at last his fellow-worshippers came from their sacrifice +and worship of the rising sun, his preparations for his long journey were +completed. + +Phoebicius carefully impressed on the decurion all he had to do during +his absence, and how he was to conduct himself; then he delivered the key +of his house into Petrus' keeping as well as the black slave-woman, who +wept loudly and passionately over the flight of her mistress; he +requested the senator to bring the anchorite's misdeed to the knowledge +of the bishop, and then, guided by the Amalekite Talib, who rode before +him on his dromedary, he trotted hastily away in pursuit of the caravan, +so as to reach the sea, if possible, before its embarkation. + +As the hoofs of the mule sounded fainter and fainter in the distance, +Paulus also quitted the senator's courtyard; Dorothea pointed after him +as he walked towards the mountain. "In truth, husband," said she, "this +has been a strange morning; everything that has occurred looks as clear +as day, and yet I cannot understand it all. My heart aches when I think +what may happen to the wretched Sirona if her enraged husband overtakes +her. It seems to me that there are two sorts of marriage; one was +instituted by the most loving of the angels, nay, by the All-merciful +Himself, but the other it is not to be thought of! How can those two +live together for the future? And that under our roof! Their closed +house looks to me as though ruined and burnt-out, and we have already +seen the nettles spring up which grow everywhere among the ruins of human +dwellings." + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + +The path of every star is fixed and limited, every plant bears flowers +and fruit which in form and color exactly resemble their kind, and in all +the fundamental characteristics of their qualities and dispositions, of +their instinctive bent and external impulse, all animals of the same +species resemble each other; thus, the hunter who knows the red-deer in +his father's forest, may know in every forest on earth how the stag will +behave in any given case. The better a genus is fitted for variability +in the conformation of its individuals, the higher is the rank it is +entitled to hold in the graduated series of creatures capable of +development; and it is precisely that wonderful many-sidedness of his +inner life, and of its outward manifestation, which assigns to man his +superiority over all other animated beings. + +Some few of our qualities and activities can be fitly symbolized in +allegorical fashion by animals; thus, courage finds an emblem in the +lion, gentleness in the dove, but the perfect human form has satisfied a +thousand generations, and will satisfy a thousand more, when we desire to +reduce the divinity to a sensible image, for, in truth, our heart is as +surely capable of comprehending "God in us,"--that is in our feelings-- +as our intellect is capable of comprehending His outward manifestation +in the universe. + +Every characteristic of every finite being is to be found again in man, +and no characteristic that we can attribute to the Most High is foreign +to our own soul, which, in like manner, is infinite and immeasurable, for +it can extend its investigating feelers to the very utmost boundary of +space and time. Hence, the roads which are open to the soul, are +numberless as those of the divinity. Often they seem strange, but the +initiated very well know that these roads are in accordance to fixed +laws, and that even the most exceptional emotions of the soul may be +traced back to causes which were capable of giving rise to them and to +no others. + +Blows hurt, disgrace is a burden, and unjust punishment embitters the +heart, but Paulus' soul had sought and found a way to which these simple +propositions did not apply. + +He had been ill-used and contemned, and, though perfectly innocent, ere +he left the oasis he was condemned to the severest penance. As soon as +the bishop had heard from Petrus of all that had happened in his house, +he had sent for Paulus, and as he could answer nothing to the accusation, +he had expelled him from his flock--to which the anchorites belonged-- +forbidden him to visit the church on week-days, and declared that this +his sentence should be publicly proclaimed before the assembled +congregation of the believers. + +And how did this affect Paulus as he climbed the mountain, lonely and +proscribed? + +A fisherman from the little seaport of Pharan, who met him half-way and +exchanged a greeting with him, thought to himself as he looked after him, +"The great graybeard looks as happy as if he had found a treasure." Then +he walked on into the valley with his scaly wares, reminded, as he went, +of his son's expression of face when his wife bore him his first little +one. + +Near the watch-tower at the edge of the defile, a party of anchorites +were piling some stones together. They had already heard of the bishop's +sentence on Paulus, the sinner, and they gave him no greeting. He +observed it and was silent, but when they could no longer see him he +laughed to himself and muttered, while he rubbed a weal that the +centurion's whip had left upon his back, "If they think that a Gaul's +cudgel has a pleasant flavor they are mistaken, however I would not +exchange it for a skin of Anthyllan wine; and if they could only know +that at least one of the stripes which torments me is due to each one of +themselves, they would be surprised! But away with pride! How they spat +on Thee, Jesus my Lord, and who am I, and how mildly have they dealt with +me, when I for once have taken on my back another's stripes. Not a drop +of blood was drawn! I wish the old man had hit harder!" + +He walked cheerfully forward, and his mind recurred to the centurion's +speech that he could if he list, "tread him down like a worm," and he +laughed again softly, for he was quite aware that he was ten times as +strong as Phoebicius, and formerly he had overthrown the braggart +Arkesilaos of Kyrene and his cousin, the tall Xenophanes, both at once in +the sand of the Palaestra. Then he thought of Hermas, of his sweet dead +mother, and of his father, and--which was the most comforting thought of +all--of how he had spared the old man this bitter sorrow. + +On his path there grew a little plant with a reddish blossom. In years +he had never looked at a flower or, at any rate, had never wished to +possess one; to-day he stooped down over the blossom that graced the +rock, meaning to pluck it. But he did not carry out his intention, for +before he had laid his hand upon it, he reflected: + +"To whom could I offer it? And perhaps the flowers themselves rejoice in +the light, and in the silent life that is in their roots. How tightly it +clings to the rock. Farther away from the road flowers of even greater +beauty blow, seen by no mortal eye; they deck themselves in beauty for no +one but for their Creator, and because they rejoice in themselves. I too +will withdraw from the highways of mankind; let them accuse me! So long +as I live at peace with myself and my God I ask nothing of any one. He +that abases himself--aye, he that abases himself!--My hour too shall +come, and above and beyond this life I shall see them all once more; +Petrus and Dorothea, Agapitus and the brethren who now refuse to receive +me, and then, when my Saviour himself beckons me to Him, they will see me +as I am, and hasten to me and greet me with double kindness." + +He looked up, proud and rejoicing as he thought thus, and painted to +himself the joys of Paradise, to which this day he had earned an assured +claim. He never took longer and swifter steps than when his mind was +occupied with such meditations, and when he reached Stephanus' cave he +thought the way from the oasis to the heights had been shorter than +usual. + +He found the sick man in great anxiety, for he had waited until now for +his son in vain, and feared that Hermas had met with some accident--or +had abandoned him, and fled out into the world. Paulus soothed him with +gentle words, and told him of the errand on which he had sent the lad to +the farther coast of the sea. + +We are never better disposed to be satisfied with even bad news than +when we have expected it to be much worse; so Stephanus listened to his +friend's explanation quite calmly, and with signs of approval. He could +no longer conceal from himself that Hermas was not ripe for the life of +an anchorite, and since he had learned that his unhappy wife--whom he had +so long given up for lost--had died a Christian, he found that he could +reconcile his thoughts to relinquishing the boy to the world. He had +devoted himself and his son to a life of penance, hoping and striving +that so Glycera's soul might be snatched from damnation, and now he knew +that she herself had earned her title to Heaven. + +"When will he come home again?" he asked Paulus. + +"In five or six days," was the answer. "Ali, the fisherman--out of whose +foot I took a thorn some time since--informed me secretly, as I was going +to church yesterday, that the Blemmyes are gathering behind the sulphur- +mountains; when they have withdrawn, it will be high time to send Hermas +to Alexandria. My brother is still alive, and for my sake he will +receive him as a blood-relation, for he too has been baptized." + +"He may attend the school of catechumens in the metropolis, and if he-- +if he--" + +"That we shall see," interrupted Paulus. "For the present it comes to +this, we must let him go from hence, and leave him to seek out his own +way. You fancy that there may be in heaven a place of glory for such as +have never been overcome, and you would fain have seen Hermas among them. +It reminds me of the physician of Corinth, who boasted that he was +cleverer than any of his colleagues, for that not one of his patients had +ever died. And the man was right, for neither man nor beast had ever +trusted to his healing arts. Let Hermas try his young strength, and even +if he be no priest, but a valiant warrior like his forefathers, even so +he may honestly serve God. But it will be a long time before all this +comes to pass. So long as he is away I will attend on you--you still +have some water in your jar?" + +"It has twice been filled for me," said the old man. "The brown +shepherdess, who so often waters her goats at our spring, came to me the +first thing in the morning and again about two hours ago; she asked after +Hermas, and then offered of her own accord to fetch water for me so long +as he was away. She is as timid as a bird, and flew off as soon as she +had set down the jug." + +"She belongs to Petrus and cannot leave her goats for long," said Paulus. +"Now I will go and find you some herbs for a relish; there will be no +more wine in the first place. Look me in the face--for how great a +sinner now do you take me? Think the very worst of me, and yet perhaps +you will hear worse said of me. But here come two men. Stay! one is +Hilarion, one of the bishop's acolytes, and the other is Pachomius the +Memphite, who lately came to the mountain. They are coming up here, and +the Egyptian is carrying a small jar. I would it might hold some more +wine to keep up your strength." + +The two friends had not long to remain in ignorance of their visitor's +purpose. So soon as they reached Stephanus' cave, both turned their +backs on Paulus with conspicuously marked intention; nay the acolyte +signed his brow with the cross, as if he thought it necessary to protect +himself against evil influences. + +The Alexandrian understood; he drew back and was silent, while Hilarion +explained to the sick man that Paulus was guilty of grave sins, and that, +until he had done full penance, he must remain excluded as a rotten sheep +from the bishop's flock, as well as interdicted from waiting on a pious +Christian. + +"We know from Petrus," the speaker went on, "that your son, father, has +been sent across the sea, and as you still need waiting on, Agapitus +sends you by me his blessing and this strengthening wine; this youth too +will stay by you, and provide you with all necessaries until Hermas comes +home." + +With these words he gave the wine-jar to the old man, who looked in +astonishment from him to Paulus, who felt indeed cut to the heart when +the bishop's messenger turned to him for an instant, and with the cry, +"Get thee out from among us!" disappeared. How many kindly ties, how +many services willingly rendered and affectionately accepted were swept +away by these words--but Paulus obeyed at once. He went up to his sick +friend, their eyes met and each could see that the eyes of the other were +dimmed with tears. + +"Paulus!" cried the old man, stretching out both his hands to his +departing friend, whom he felt he could forgive whatever his guilt; but +the Alexandrian did not take them, but turned away, and, without looking +back, hastily went up the mountain to a pathless spot, and then on +towards the valley--onwards and still onwards, till he was brought to a +pause by the steep declivity of the hollow way which led southwards from +the mountains into the oasis. + +The sun stood high and it was burning hot. Streaming with sweat and +panting for breath he leaned against the glowing porphyry wall behind +him, hid his face in his hands and strove to collect himself, to think, +to pray--for a long time in vain; for instead of joy in the suffering +which he had taken upon himself, the grief of isolation weighed upon his +heart, and the lamentable cry of the old man had left a warning echo in +his soul, and roused doubts of the righteousness of a deed, by which even +the best and purest had been deceived, and led into injustice towards +him. His heart was breaking with anguish and grief, but when at last he +returned to the consciousness of his sufferings physical and mental, he +began to recover his courage, and even smiled as he murmured to himself: + +"It is well, it is well--the more I suffer the more surely shall I find +grace. And besides, if the old man had seen Hermas go through what I +have experienced it would undoubtedly have killed him. Certainly I wish +it could have been done without--without--aye, it is even so--without +deceit; even when I was a heathen I was truthful and held a lie, whether +in myself or in another, in as deep horror as father Abraham held murder, +and yet when the Lord required him, he led his son Isaac to the +slaughter. And Moses when he beat the overseer--and Elias, and Deborah, +and Judith. I have taken upon myself no less than they, but my lie will +surely be forgiven me, if it is not reckoned against them that they shed +blood." + +These and such reflections restored Paulus to equanimity and to +satisfaction with his conduct, and he began to consider, whether he +should return to his old cave and the neighborhood of Stephanus, or seek +for a new abode. He decided on the latter course; but first he must find +fresh water and some sort of nourishment; for his mouth and tongue were +quite parched. + +Lower down in the valley sprang a brooklet of which he knew, and hard by +it grew various herbs and roots, with which he had often allayed his +hunger. He followed the declivity to its base, then turning to the left, +he crossed a small table land, which was easily accessible from the +gorge, but which on the side of the oasis formed a perpendicular cliff +many fathoms deep. Between it and the main mass of the mountain rose +numerous single peaks, like a camp of granite tents, or a wildly tossing +sea suddenly turned to stone; behind these blocks ran the streamlet, +which he found after a short search. + +Perfectly refreshed, and with renewed resolve to bear the worst with +patience, he returned to the plateau, and from the edge of the precipice +he gazed down into the desert gorge that stretched away far below his +feet, and in whose deepest and remotest hollow the palmgroves and +tamarisk-thickets of the oasis showed as a sharply defined mass of green, +like a luxuriant wreath flung upon a bier. The whitewashed roofs of the +little town of Pharan shone brightly among the branches and clumps of +verdure, and above them all rose the new church, which he was now +forbidden to enter. For a moment the thought was keenly painful that he +was excluded from the devotions of the community, from the Lord's supper +and from congregational prayer, but then he asked, was not every block of +stone on the mountain an altar--was not the blue sky above a thousand +times wider, and more splendid than the mightiest dome raised by the +hand of man, not even excepting the vaulted roof of the Serapeum at +Alexandria, and he remembered the "Amen" of the stones, that had rung +out after the preaching of the blind man. By this time he had quite +recovered himself, and he went towards the cliff in order to find a +cavern that he knew of, and that was empty--for its gray-headed +inhabitant had died some weeks since. "Verily," thought he, "it seems to +me that I am by no means weighed down by the burden of my disgrace, but, +on the contrary, lifted up. Here at least I need not cast down my eyes, +for I am alone with my God, and in his presence I feel I need not be +ashamed." + +Thus meditating, he pressed on through a narrow space, which divided two +huge masses of porphyry, but suddenly he stood still, for he heard the +barking of a dog in his immediate neighborhood, and a few minutes after a +greyhound rushed towards him--now indignantly flying at him, and now +timidly retreating--while it carefully held up one leg, which was wrapped +in a many-colored bandage. + +Paulus recollected the enquiry which Phoebicius lead addressed to the +Amalekite as to a greyhound, and he immediately guessed that the Gaul's +runaway wife must be not far off. His heart beat more quickly, and +although he did not immediately know how he should meet the disloyal +wife, he felt himself impelled to go to seek her. Without delay he +followed the way by which the dog had come, and soon caught sight of a +light garment, which vanished behind the nearest rock, and then behind a +farther, and yet a farther one. + +At last he came up with the fleeing woman. She was standing at the very +edge of a precipice, that rose high and sheer above the abyss--a strange +and fearful sight; her long golden hair had got tangled, and waved over +her bosom and shoulders, half plaited, half undone. Only one foot was +firm on the ground; the other-with its thin sandal all torn by the sharp +stones--was stretched out over the abyss, ready for the next fatal step. +At the next instant she might disappear over the cliff, for though with +her right hand she held on to a point of rock, Paulus could see that the +boulder had no connection with the rock on which she stood, and rocked +too and fro. + +She hung over the edge of the chasm like a sleepwalker, or a possessed +creature pursued by demons, and at the same time her eyes glistened with +such wild madness, and she drew her breath with such feverish rapidity +that Paulus, who had come close up to her, involuntarily drew back. He +saw that her lips moved, and though he could not understand what she +said, he felt that her voiceless utterance was to warn him back. + +What should he do? If he hurried forward to save her by a hasty grip, +and if this manoeuvre failed, she would fling herself irredeemably into +the abyss: if he left her to herself, the stone to which she clung would +get looser and looser, and as soon as it fell she would certainly fall +too. He had once heard it said, that sleep-walkers always threw +themselves down when they heard their names spoken; this statement now +recurred to his mind, and he forbore from calling out to her. + +Once more the unhappy woman waved him off; his very heart stopped +beating, for her movements were wild and vehement, and he could see that +the stone which she was holding on by shifted its place. He understood +nothing of all the words which she tried to say--for her voice, which +only yesterday had been so sweet, to-day was inaudibly hoarse--except the +one name "Phoebicius," and he felt no doubt that she clung to the stone +over the abyss, so that, like the mountain-goat when it sees itself +surprised by the hunter, she might fling herself into the depth below +rather than be taken by her pursuer. Paulus saw in her neither her guilt +nor her beauty, but only a child of man trembling on the brink of a +fearful danger whom he must save from death at any cost; and the thought +that he was at any rate not a spy sent in pursuit of her by her husband, +suggested to him the first words which he found courage to address to the +desperate woman. They were simple words enough, but they were spoken in +a tone which fully expressed the childlike amiability of his warm heart, +and the Alexandrian, who had been brought up in the most approved school +of the city of orators, involuntarily uttered his words in the admirably +rich and soft chest voice, which he so well knew how to use. + +"Be thankful," said he, "poor dear woman--I have found you in a fortunate +hour. I am Paulus, Hermas' best friend, and I would willingly serve you +in your sore need. No danger is now threatening you, for Phoebicius is +seeking you on a wrong road; you may trust me. Look at me! I do not +look as if I could betray a poor erring woman. But you are standing +on a spot, where I would rather see my enemy than you; lay your hand +confidently in mine--it is no longer white and slender, but it is strong +and honest--grant me this request and you will never rue it! See, place +your foot here, and take care how you leave go of the rock there. You +know not how suspiciously it shook its head over your strange confidence +in it. Take care! there--your support has rolled over into the abyss! +how it crashes and splits. It has reached the bottom, smashed into a +thousand pieces, and I am thankful that you preferred to follow me rather +than that false support." While Paulus was speaking he had gone up to +Sirona, as a girl whose bird has escaped from its cage, and who creeps up +to it with timid care in the hope of recapturing it; he offered her his +hand, and as soon as he felt hers in his grasp, he had carefully rescued +her from her fearful position, and had led her down to a secure footing +on the plateau. So long as she followed him unresistingly he led her on +towards the mountain--without aim or fixed destination--but away, away +from the abyss. + +She paused by a square block of diorite, and Paulus, who had not failed +to observe how heavy her steps were, desired her to sit down; he pushed +up a flag of stone, which he propped with smaller ones, so that Sirona +might not lack a support for her weary back. When he had accomplished +this, Sirona leaned back against the stone, and something of dawning +satisfaction was audible in the soft sigh, which was the first sound that +had escaped her tightly closed lips since her rescue. Paulus smiled at +her encouragingly, and said, "Now rest a little, I see what you want; +one cannot defy the heat of the sun for a whole day with impunity." + +Sirona nodded, pointed to her mouth, and implored wearily and very softly +for "water, a little water." Paulus struck his hand against his +forehead, and cried eagerly, "Directly--I will bring you a fresh draught. +In a few minutes I will be back again." + +Sirona looked after him as he hastened away. Her gaze became more and +more staring and glazed, and she felt as if the rock, on which she was +sitting, were changing into the ship which had brought her from Massilia +to Ostia. Every heaving motion of the vessel, which had made her so +giddy as it danced over the shifting waves, she now distinctly felt +again, and at last it seemed as if a whirlpool had seized the ship, and +was whirling it round faster and faster in a circle. She closed her +eyes, felt vaguely and in vain in the air for some holdfast, her head +fell powerless on one side, and before her cheek sank upon her shoulder +she uttered one feeble cry of distress, for she felt as if all her limbs +were dropping from her body, as leaves in autumn fall from the boughs, +and she fell back unconscious on the stony couch which Paulus had +constructed for her. + +It was the first swoon that Sirona, with her sound physical and mental +powers, had ever experienced; but the strongest of her sex would have +been overcome by the excitement, the efforts, the privations, and the +sufferings which had that day befallen the unfortunate fair one. + +At first she had fled without any plan out into the night and up the +mountain; the moon lighted her on her way, and for fully an hour she +continued her upward road without any rest. Then she heard the voices of +travellers who were coming towards her, and she left the beaten road and +tried to get away from them, for she feared that her greyhound, which she +still carried' on her arm, would betray her by barking, or if they +heard it whining, and saw it limp. At last she had sunk down on a stone, +and had reflected on all the events of the last few hours, and on what +she had to do next. She could look back dreamily on the past, and build +castles in the air in a blue-skyed future-this was easy enough; but she +did not find it easy to reflect with due deliberation, and to think in +earnest. Only one thing was perfectly clear to her: she would rather +starve and die of thirst, and shame, and misery-nay, she would rather be +the instrument of her own death, than return to her husband. She knew +that she must in the first instance expect ill-usage, scorn, and +imprisonment in a dark room at the Gaul's hands; but all that seemed to +her far more endurable than the tenderness with which he from time to +time approached her. When she thought of that, she shuddered and +clenched her white teeth, and doubled her fists so tightly that her nails +cut the flesh. But what was she to do? If Hermas were to meet her? And +yet what help could she look for from him, for what was he but a mere +lad, and the thought of linking her life to his, if only for a day, +appeared to her foolish and ridiculous. + +Certainly she felt no inclination to repent or to blame herself; still it +had been a great folly on her part to call him into the house for the +sake of amusing herself with him. + +Then she recollected the severe punishment she had once suffered, +because, when she was still quite little, and without meaning any harm, +she had taken her father's water-clock to pieces, and had spoiled it. + +She felt that she was very superior to Hermas, and her position was now +too grave a one for her to feel inclined to play any more. She thought +indeed of Petrus and Dorothea, but she could only reach them by going +back to the oasis, and then she feared to be discovered by Phoebicius. + +If Polykarp now could only meet her on his way back from Raithu; but the +road she had just quitted did not lead from thence, but to the gate-way +that lay more to the southwards. + +The senator's son loved her--of that she was sure, for no one else had +ever looked into her eyes with such deep delight, or such tender +affection; and he was no inexperienced boy, but a right earnest man, +whose busy and useful life now appeared to her in a quite different light +to that in which she had seen it formerly. How willingly now would she +have allowed herself to be supported and guided by Polykarp! But how +could she reach him? No--even from him there was nothing to be expected; +she must rely upon her own strength, and she decided that so soon as the +morning should blush, and the sun begin to mount in the cloudless sky, +she would keep herself concealed during the day, among the mountains, and +then as evening came on, she would go down to the sea, and endeavor to +get on board a vessel to Klysma and thence reach Alexandria. She wore a +ring with a finely cut onyx on her finger, elegant ear-rings in her ears, +and on her left arm a bracelet. These jewels were of virgin gold, and +besides these she had with her a few silver coins and one large gold +piece, that her father had given her as token out of his small store, +when she had quitted him for Rome, and that she had hitherto preserved +as carefully as if it were a talisman. + +She pressed the token, which was sewn into a little bag, to her lips, and +thought of her paternal home, and her brothers and sisters. + +Meanwhile the sun mounted higher and higher: she wandered from rock to +rock in search of a shady spot and a spring of water, but none was to be +found, and she was tormented with violent thirst and aching hunger. By +mid-day the strips of shade too had vanished, where she had found shelter +from the rays of the sun, which now beat down unmercifully on her un +protected head. Her forehead and neck began to tingle violently, and she +fled before the burning beams like a soldier before the shafts of his +pursuer. Behind the rocks which hemmed in the plateau on which Paulus +met her, at last, when she was quite exhausted, she found a shady +resting-place. The greyhound lay panting in her lap, and held up its +broken paw, which she had carefully bound up in the morning when she had +first sat down to rest, with a strip of stuff that she had torn with the +help of her teeth from her under-garment. She now bound it up afresh, +and nursed the little creature, caressing it like an infant. The dog was +as wretched and suffering as herself, and besides it was the only being +that, in spite of her helplessness, she could cherish and be dear to. +But ere long she lost the power even to speak caressing words or to stir +a hand to stroke the dog. It slipped off her lap and limped away, while +she sat staring blankly before her, and at last forgot her sufferings in +an uneasy slumber, till she was roused by Iambe's barking and the +Alexandrian's footstep. Almost half-dead, her mouth parched and brain on +fire, while her thoughts whirled in confusion, she believed that +Phoebicius had found her track, and was come to seize her. She had +already noted the deep precipice to the edge of which she now fled, fully +resolved to fling herself over into the depths below, rather than to +surrender herself prisoner. + +Paulus had rescued her from the fall, but now--as he came up to her with +two pieces of stone which were slightly hollowed, so that he had been +able to bring some fresh water in them, and which he held level with +great difficulty, walking with the greatest care--he thought that +inexorable death had only too soon returned to claim the victim he had +snatched from him, for Sirona's head hung down upon her breast, her face +was sunk towards her lap, and at the back of her head, where her abundant +hair parted into two flowing tresses, Paulus observed on the snowy neck +of the insensible woman a red spot which the sun must have burnt there. + +His whole soul was full of compassion for the young, fair, and unhappy +creature, and, while he took hold of her chin, which had sunk on her +bosom, lifted her white face, and moistened her forehead and lips with +water, he softly prayed for her salvation. + +The shallow cavity of the stones only offered room for a very small +quantity of the refreshing moisture, and so he was obliged to return +several times to the spring. While he was away the dog remained by his +mistress, and would now lick her hand, now put his sharp little nose +close up to her mouth, and examine her with an anxious expression, as if +to ascertain her state of health. + +When Paulus had gone the first time to fetch some water for Sirona he had +found the dog by the side of the spring, and he could not help thinking, +"The unreasoning brute has found the water without a guide while his +mistress is dying of thirst. Which is the wiser--the man or the brute?" +The little dog on his part strove to merit the anchorite's good feelings +towards him, for, though at first he had barked at him, he now was very +friendly to him, and looked him in the face from time to time as though +to ask, "Do you think she will recover?" + +Paulus was fond of animals, and understood the little dog's language. +When Sirona's lips began to move and to recover their rosy color, he +stroked Iambe's smooth sharp head, and said, as he held a leaf that he +had curled up to hold some water to Sirona's lips, "Look, little fellow, +how she begins to enjoy it! A little more of this, and again a little +more. She smacks her lips as if I were giving her sweet Falernian. I +will go and fill the stone again; you stop here with her, I shall be back +again directly, but before I return she will have opened her eyes; you +are pleasanter to look upon than a shaggy old graybeard, and she will be +better pleased to see you than me when she awakes." Paulus' prognosis +was justified, for when he returned to Sirona with a fresh supply of +water she was sitting upright; she rubbed her open eyes, stretched her +limbs, clasped the greyhound in both arms, and burst into a violent flood +of tears. + +The Alexandrian stood aside motionless, so as not to disturb her, +thinking to himself: + +"These tears will wash away a large part of her suffering from her soul." + +When at last she was calmer, and began to dry her eyes, he went up to +her, offered her the stone cup of water, and spoke to her kindly. She +drank with eager satisfaction, and ate the last bit of bread that he +could find in the pocket of his garment, soaking it in the water. She +thanked him with the childlike sweetness that was peculiar to her, and +then tried to rise, and willingly allowed him to support her. She was +still very weary, and her head ached, but she could stand and walk. + +As soon as Paulus had satisfied himself that she had no symptoms Of +fever, he said, "Now, for to-day, you want nothing more but a warm mess +of food, and a bed sheltered from the night-chill; I will provide both. +You sit down here; the rocks are already throwing long shadows, and +before the sun disappears behind the mountain I will return. While I am +away, your four-footed companion here will while away the time." + +He hastened down to the spring with quick steps; close to it was the +abandoned cave which he had counted on inhabiting instead of his former +dwelling. He found it after a short search, and in it, to his great joy, +a well preserved bed of dried plants, which he soon shook up and relaid, +a hearth, and wood proper for producing fire by friction, a water-jar, +and in a cellar-like hole, whose opening was covered with stones and so +concealed from any but a practised eye, there were some cakes of hard +bread, and several pots. In one of these were some good dates, in +another gleamed some white meal, a third was half full of sesame-oil, and +a fourth held some salt. + +"How lucky it is," muttered the anchorite, as he quitted the cave, "that +the old anchorite was such a glutton." + +By the time he returned to Sirona, the sun was going down. + +There was something in the nature and demeanor of Paulus, which made all +distrust of him impossible, and Sirona was ready to follow him, but she +felt so weak that she could scarcely support herself on her feet. + +"I feel," she said, "as if I were a little child, and must begin again to +learn to walk." + +"Then let me be your nurse. I knew a Spartan dame once, who had a beard +almost as rough as mine. Lean confidently on me, and before we go down +the slope, we will go up and down the level here two or three times." +She took his arm, and he led her slowly up and down. + +It vividly recalled a picture of the days of his youth, and he remembered +a day when his sister, who was recovering from a severe attack of fever, +was first allowed to go out into the open air. She had gone out, +clinging to his arm into the peristyle of his father's house; as he +walked backward and forwards with poor, weary, abandoned Sirona, his +neglected figure seemed by degrees to assume the noble aspect of a high- +born Greek; and instead of the rough, rocky soil, he felt as if he were +treading the beautiful mosaic pavement of his father's court. Paulus was +Menander again, and if there was little in the presence of the recluse, +which could recall his identity with the old man he had trodden down, the +despised anchorite felt, while the expelled and sinful woman leaned on +his arm, the same proud sense of succoring a woman, as when he was the +most distinguished youth of a metropolis, and when he had led forward the +master's much courted daughter in the midst of a shouting troop of +slaves. + +Sirona had to remind Paulus that night was coming on, and was startled, +when the hermit removed her hand from his arm with ungentle haste, and +called to her to follow him with a roughness that was quite new to him. +She obeyed, and wherever it was necessary to climb over the rocks, he +supported and lifted her, but he only spoke when she addressed him. + +When they had reached their destination, he showed her the bed, and +begged her to keep awake, till he should have prepared a dish of warm +food for her, and he shortly brought her a simple supper, and wished her +a good night's rest, after she had taken it. + +Sirona shared the bread and the salted meal-porridge with her dog, and +then lay down on the couch, where she sank at once into a deep, dreamless +sleep, while Paulus passed the night sitting by the hearth. + +He strove to banish sleep by constant prayer, but fatigue frequently +overcame him, and he could not help thinking of the Gaulish lady, and of +the many things, which if only he were still the rich Menander, he would +procure in Alexandria for her and for her comfort. Not one prayer could +he bring to its due conclusion, for either his eyes closed before he came +to the "Amen," or else worldly images crowded round him, and forced him +to begin his devotions again from the beginning, when he had succeeded in +recollecting himself. In this half-somnolent state he obtained not one +moment of inward collectedness, of quiet reflection; not even when he +gazed up at the starry heavens, or looked down on the oasis, veiled in +night, where many others like himself were deserted by sleep. Which of +the citizens could it be that was watching by that light which he saw +glimmering down there in unwonted brightness?--till he himself, +overpowered by fatigue, fell asleep. + + + + +ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS: + +Overlooks his own fault in his feeling of the judge's injustice + + + + + + +HOMO SUM + +By Georg Ebers + +Volume 4. + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + +The light in the town, which had attracted Paulus, was in Petrus' house, +and burnt in Polykarp's room, which formed the whole of a small upper- +story, which the senator had constructed for his son over the northern +portion of the spacious flat roof of the main building. The young man +had arrived about noon with the slaves he had just procured, had learned +all that had happened in his absence, and had silently withdrawn into his +own room after supper was ended. Here he still lingered over his work. + +A bed, a table on and under which lay a multitude of wax-tablets, +papyrus-rolls, metal-points, and writing-reeds, with a small bench, on +which stood a water-jar and basin, composed the furniture of this room; +on its whitewashed walls hung several admirable carvings in relief, and +figures of men and animals stood near them in long rows. In one corner, +near a stone water-jar, lay a large, damp, shining mass of clay. + +Three lamps fastened to stands abundantly lighted this work-room, but +chiefly a figure standing on a high trestle, which Polykarp's fingers +were industriously moulding. + +Phoebicius had called the young sculptor a fop, and not altogether +unjustly, for he loved to be well dressed and was choice as to the cut +and color of his simple garments, and he rarely neglected to arrange his +abundant hair with care, and to anoint it well; and yet it was almost +indifferent to him, whether his appearance pleased other people or no, +but he knew nothing nobler than the human form, and an instinct, which he +did not attempt to check, impelled him to keep his own person as nice as +he liked to see that of his neighbor. + +Now at this hour of the night, he wore only a shirt of white woollen +stuff, with a deep red border. His locks, usually so well-kept, seemed +to stand out from his head separately, and instead of smoothing and +confining them, he added to their wild disorder, for, as be worked, he +frequently passed his hand through them with a hasty movement. A bat, +attracted by the bright light, flew in at the open window--which was +screened only at the bottom by a dark curtain--and fluttered round the +ceiling; but he did not observe it, for his work absorbed his whole soul +and mind. In this eager and passionate occupation, in which every nerve +and vein in his being seemed to bear a part, no cry for help would have +struck his ear--even a flame breaking out close to him would not have +caught his eye. His cheeks glowed, a fine dew of glistening sweat +covered his brow, and his very gaze seemed to become more and more firmly +riveted to the sculpture as it took form under his hand. Now and again +he stepped back from it, and leaned backwards from his hips, raising his +hands to the level of his temples, as if to narrow the field of vision; +then he went up to the model, and clutched the plastic mass of clay, as +though it were the flesh of his enemy. + +He was now at work on the flowing hair of the figure before him, which +had already taken the outline of a female head, and he flung the bits of +clay, which he removed from the back of it, to the ground, as violently +as though he were casting them at an antagonist at his feet. Again his +finger-tips and modelling-tool were busy with the mouth, nose, cheeks, +and eyes, and his own eyes took a softer expression, which gradually grew +to be a gaze of ecstatic delight, as the features he was moulding began +to agree more and more with the image, which at this time excluded every +other from his imagination. + +At last, with glowing cheeks, he had finished rounding the soft form of +the shoulders, and drew back once more to contemplate the effect of the +completed work; a cold shiver seized him, and he felt himself impelled +to lift it up, and dash it to the ground with all his force. But he soon +mastered this stormy excitement, he pushed his hand through his hair +again and again, and posted himself, with a melancholy smile and with +folded hands, in front of his creation; sunk deeper and deeper in his +contemplation of it, he did not observe that the door behind him was +opened, although the flame of his lamps flickered in the draught, and +that his mother had entered the work-room, and by no means endeavored to +approach him unheard, or to surprise him. In her anxiety for her +darling, who had gone through so many bitter experiences during the past +day, she had not been able to sleep. Polykarp's room lay above her +bedroom, and when his steps over head betrayed that, though it was now +near morning, he had not yet gone to rest, she had risen from her bed +without waking Petrus, who seemed to be sleeping. She obeyed her +motherly impulse to encourage Polykarp with some loving words, and +climbing up the narrow stair that led to the roof, she went into his +room. Surprised, irresolute, and speechless she stood for some time +behind the young man, and looked at the strongly illuminated and +beautiful features of the newly-formed bust, which was only too like its +well-known prototype. At last she laid her hand on her son's shoulder, +and spoke his name. Polykarp stepped back, and looked at his mother in +bewilderment, like a man roused from sleep; but she interrupted the +stammering speech with which he tried to greet her, by saying, gravely +and not without severity, as she pointed to the statue, "What does this +mean?" + +"What should it mean, mother?" answered Polykarp in a low tone, and +shaking his head sadly. "Ask me no more at present, for if you gave me +no rest, and even if I tried to explain to you how to-day--this very day +--I have felt impelled and driven to make this woman's image, still you +could not understand me--no, nor any one else." + +"God forbid that I should ever understand it!" cried Dorothea. "'Thou +shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife,' was the commandment of the Lord on +this mountain. And you? You think I could not understand you? Who +should understand you then, if not your mother? This I certainly do not +comprehend, that a son of Petrus and of mine should have thrown all the +teaching and the example of his parents so utterly to the wind. But what +you are aiming at with this statue, it seems to me is not hard to guess. +As the forbidden-fruit hangs too high for you, you degrade your art, and +make to yourself an image that resembles her according to your taste. +Simply and plainly it comes to this; as you can no longer see the Gaul's +wife in her own person, and yet cannot exist without the sweet presence +of the fair one, you make a portrait of clay to make love to, and you +will carry on idolatry before it, as once the Jews did before the golden +calf and the brazen serpent." + +Polykarp submitted to his mother's angry blame in silence, but in painful +emotion. Dorothea had never before spoken to him thus, and to hear such +words from the very lips which were used to address him with such heart- +felt tenderness, gave him unspeakable pain. Hitherto she had always been +inclined to make excuses for his weaknesses and little faults, nay, the +zeal with which she had observed and pointed out his merits and +performances before strangers as well as before their own family, had +often seemed to him embarrassing. And now? She had indeed reason to +blame him, for Sirona was the wife of another, she had never even noticed +his admiration, and now, they all said, had committed a crime for the +sake of a stranger. It must seem both a mad and a sinful thing in the +eyes of men that he of all others should sacrifice the best he had--his +Art--and how little could Dorothea, who usually endeavored to understand +him, comprehend the overpowering impulse which had driven him to his +task. + +He loved and honored his mother with his whole heart, and feeling that +she was doing herself an injustice by her false and low estimate of his +proceedings, he interrupted her eager discourse, raising his hands +imploringly to her. + +"No, mother, no!" he exclaimed. "As truly as God is my helper, it is +not so. It is true that I have moulded this head, but not to keep it, +and commit the sin of worshipping it, but rather to free myself from the +image that stands before my mind's eye by day and by night, in the city +and in the desert, whose beauty distracts my mind when I think, and my +devotions when I try to pray. To whom is it given to read the soul of +man? And is not Sirona's form and face the loveliest image of the Most +High? So to represent it, that the whole charm that her presence +exercises over me might also be felt by every beholder, is a task that I +have set myself ever since her arrival in our house. I had to go back to +the capital, and the work I longed to achieve took a clearer form; at +every hour I discovered something to change and to improve in the pose of +the head, the glance of the eye or the expression of the mouth. But +still I lacked courage to put the work in hand, for it seemed too +audacious to attempt to give reality to the glorious image in my soul, by +the aid of gray clay and pale cold marble; to reproduce it so that the +perfect work should delight the eye of sense, no less than the image +enshrined in my breast delights my inward eye. At the same time I was +not idle, I gained the prize for the model of the lions, and if I have +succeeded with the Good Shepherd blessing the flock, which is for the +sarcophagus of Comes, and if the master could praise the expression of +devoted tenderness in the look of the Redeemer, I know--nay, do not +interrupt me, mother, for what I felt was a pure emotion and no sin-- +I know that it was because I was myself so full of love, that I was +enabled to inspire the very stone with love. At last I had no peace, and +even without my father's orders I must have returned home; then I saw her +again, and found her even more lovely than the image which reigned in my +soul. I heard her voice, and her silvery bell-like laughter--and then-- +and then--. You know very well what I learned yesterday. The unworthy +wife of an unworthy husband, the woman Sirona, is gone from me for ever, +and I was striving to drive her image from my soul, to annihilate it and +dissipate it--but in vain! and by degrees a wonderful stress of creative +power came upon me. I hastily placed the lamps, took the clay in my +hand, and feature by feature I brought forth with bitter joy the image +that is deeply graven in my heart, believing that thus I might be +released from the spell. There is the fruit which was ripened in my +heart, but there, where it so long has dwelt, I feel a dismal void, and +if the husk which so long tenderly enfolded this image were to wither and +fall asunder, I should not wonder at it.--To that thing there clings the +best part of my life." + +"Enough!" exclaimed Dorothea, interrupting her son who stood before her +in great agitation and with trembling lips. "God forbid that that mask +there should destroy your life and soul. I suffer nothing impure within +my house, and you should not in your heart. That which is evil can never +more be fair, and however lovely the face there may look to you, it looks +quite as repulsive to me when I reflect that it probably smiled still +more fascinatingly on some strolling beggar. If the Gaul brings her back +I will turn her out of my house, and I will destroy her image with my own +hands if you do not break it in pieces on the spot." + +Dorothea's eyes were swimming in tears as she spoke these words. She had +felt with pride and emotion during her son's speech how noble and high- +minded he was, and the idea that this rare and precious treasure should +be spoilt or perhaps altogether ruined for the sake of a lost woman, +drove her to desperation, and filled her motherly heart with indignation. + +Firmly resolved to carry out her threat she stepped towards the figure, +but Polykarp placed himself in her way, raising his arm imploringly to +defend it, and saying, "Not to-day--not yet, mother! I will cover it up, +and will not look at it again till to-morrow, but once--only once--I must +see it again by sunlight." + +"So that to-morrow the old madness may revive in you!" cried Dorothea. +"Move out of my way or take the hammer yourself." + +"You order it, and you are my mother," said Polykarp. + +He slowly went up to the chest in which his tools and instruments lay, +and bitter tears ran down his cheeks, as he took his heaviest hammer in +his hand. + +When the sky has shown for many days in summer-blue, and then suddenly +the clouds gather for a storm, when the first silent but fearful flash +with it noisy but harmless associate the thunder-clap has terrified the +world, a second and third thunder-bolt immediately follow. Since the +stormy night of yesterday had broken in on the peaceful, industrious, and +monotonous life by the senator's hearth, many things had happened that +had filled him and his wife with fresh anxiety. + +In other houses it was nothing remarkable that a slave should run away, +but in the senator's it was more than twenty years since such a thing had +occurred, and yesterday the goat-herd Miriam had disappeared. This was +vexatious, but the silent sorrow of his son Polykarp was a greater +anxiety to Petrus. It did not please him that the youth, who was usually +so vehement, should submit unresistingly and almost indifferently to the +Bishop Agapitus, who prohibited his completing his lions. His son's sad +gaze, his crushed and broken aspect were still in his mind when at last +he went to rest for the night; it was already late, but sleep avoided him +even as it had avoided Dorothea. While the mother was thinking of her +son's sinful love and the bleeding wound in his young and betrayed heart, +the father grieved for Polykarp's baffled hopes of exercising his art on +a great work and recalled the saddest, bitterest day of his own youth; +for he too had served his apprenticeship under a sculptor in Alexandria, +had looked up to the works of the heathen as noble models, and striven to +form himself upon them. He had already been permitted by his master to +execute designs of his own, and out of the abundance of subjects which +offered themselves, he had chosen to model an Ariadne, waiting and +longing for the return of Thescus, as a symbolic image of his own +soul awaiting its salvation. How this work had filled his mind! how +delightful had the hours of labor seemed to him!--when, suddenly, his +stern father had come to the city, had seen his work before it was quite +finished, and instead of praising it had scorned it; had abused it as a +heathen idol, and had commanded Petrus to return home with him +immediately, and to remain there, for that his son should be a pious +Christian, and a good stone-mason withal--not half a heathen, and a maker +of false gods. + +Petrus had much loved his art, but he offered no resistance to his +father's orders; he followed him back to the oasis, there to superintend +the work of the slaves who hewed the stone, to measure granite-blocks for +sarcophagi and pillars, and to direct the cutting of them. His father +was a man of steel, and he himself a lad of iron, and when he saw himself +compelled to yield to his father and to leave his master's workshop, to +abandon his cherished and unfinished work and to become an artizan and +mail of business, he swore never again to take a piece of clay in his +hand, or to wield a chisel. And he kept his word even after his fathers +death; but his creative instincts and love of art continued to live and +work in him, and were transmitted to his two sons. + +Antonius was a highly gifted artist, and if Polykarp's master was not +mistaken, and if he himself were not misled by fatherly affection, his +second son was on the high road to the very first rank in art--to a +position reached only by elect spirits. + +Petrus knew the models for the Good Shepherd and for the lions, and +declared to himself that these last were unsurpassable in truth, power, +and majesty. How eagerly must the young artist long to execute them in +hard stone, and to see them placed in the honored, though indeed pagan, +spot, which was intended for them. And now the bishop forbade him the +work, and the poor fellow might well be feeling just as he himself had +felt thirty years ago, when he had been commanded to abandon the immature +first-fruits of his labor. + +Was the bishop indeed right? This and many other questions agitated the +sleepless father, and as soon as he heard that his wife had risen from +her bed to go to her son, whose footsteps he too could hear overhead, he +got up and followed her. + +He found the door of the work-room open, and, himself unseen and unheard, +he was witness to his wife's vehement speech, and to the lad's +justification, while Polykarp's work stood in the full light of the +lamps, exactly in front of him. + +His gaze was spell-bound to the mass of clay; he looked and looked, and +was not weary of looking, and his soul swelled with the same awe-struck +sense of devout admiration that it had experienced, when for the first +time, in his early youth, he saw with his own eyes the works of the great +old Athenian masters in the Caesareum. + +And this head was his son's work! + +He stood there greatly overcome, his hands clasped together, holding his +breath till his mouth was dry, and swallowing his tears to keep them from +falling. At the same time he listened with anxious attention, so as not +to lose one word of Polykarp's. + +"Aye, thus and thus only are great works of art begotten," said he to +himself, "and if the Lord had bestowed on me such gifts as on this lad, +no father, nay, no god, should have compelled me to leave my Ariadne +unfinished. The attitude of the body was not bad I should say--but the +head, the face--Aye, the man who can mould such a likeness as that has +his hand and eye guided by the holy spirits of art. He who has done that +head will be praised in the latter days together with the great Athenian +masters--and he-yes, he, merciful Heaven! he is my own beloved son!" + +A blessed sense of rejoicing, such as he had not felt since his early +youth, filled his heart, and Dorothea's ardor seemed to him half pitiful +and half amusing. + +It was not till his duteous son took the hammer in his hand, that he +stepped between his wife and the bust, saying kindly: + +"There will be time enough to-morrow to destroy the work. Forget the +model, my son, now that you have taken advantage of it so successfully. +I know of a better mistress for you--Art--to whom belongs everything of +beauty that the Most High has created--In Art in all its breadth and +fulness, not fettered and narrowed by any Agapitus." + +Polykarp flung himself into his father's arms, and the stern man, hardly +master of his emotions, kissed the boy's forehead, his eyes, and his +cheeks. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + +At noon of the following day the senator went to the women's room, and +while he was still on the threshold, he asked his wife--who was busy at +the loom: + +"Where is Polykarp? I did not find him with Antonius, who is working at +the placing of the altar, and I thought I might find him here." + +"After going to the church," said Dorothea, "he went up the mountain. +Go down to the workshops, Marthana, and see if your brother has come +back." + +Her daughter obeyed quickly and gladly, for her brother was to her the +dearest, and seemed to her to be the best, of men. As soon as the pair +were alone together Petrus said, while he held out his hand to his wife +with genial affection, "Well, mother--shake hands." Dorothea paused for +an instant, looking him in the face, as if to ask him, "Does your pride +at last allow you to cease doing me an injustice?" It was a reproach, +but in truth not a severe one, or her lips would hardly have trembled so +tenderly, as she said. + +"You cannot be angry with me any longer, and it is well that all should +once more be as it ought." + +All certainly had not been "as it ought," for since the husband and wife +had met in Polykarp's work-room, they had behaved to each other as if +they were strangers. In their bedroom, on the way to church, and at +breakfast, they had spoken to each no more than was absolutely necessary, +or than was requisite in order to conceal their difference from the +servants and children. Up to this time, an understanding had always +subsisted between them that had never taken form in words, and yet that +had scarcely in a single case been infringed, that neither should ever +praise one of their children for anything that the other thought +blameworthy, and vice versa. + +But in this night, her husband had followed up her severest condemnation +by passionately embracing the wrong-doer. Never had she been so stern in +any circumstances, while on the other hand her husband, so long as she +could remember, had never been so softhearted and tender to his son, and +yet she had controlled herself so far, as not to contradict Petrus in +Polykarp's presence, and to leave the work-room in silence with her +husband. + +"When we are once alone together in the bedroom," thought she, "I will +represent to him his error as I ought, and he will have to answer for +himself." + +But she did not carry out this purpose, for she felt that something must +be passing in her husband's mind that she did not understand; otherwise +how could his grave eyes shine so mildly and kindly, and his stern lips +smile so affectionately after all that had occurred when he, lamp in +hand, had mounted the narrow stair. + +He had often told her that she could read his soul like an open book, but +she did not conceal from herself that there were certain sides of that +complex structure whose meaning she was incapable of comprehending. +And strange to say, she ever and again came upon these incomprehensible +phases of his soul, when the images of the gods, and the idolatrous +temples of the heathen, or when their sons' enterprises and work were the +matters in hand. And yet Petrus was the son of a pious Christian; but +his grandfather had been a Greek heathen, and hence perhaps a certain +something wrought in his blood which tormented her, because she could not +reconcile it with Agapitus' doctrine, but which she nevertheless dared +not attempt to oppose because her taciturn husband never spoke out with +so much cheerfulness and frankness as when he might talk of these things +with his sons and their friends, who often accompanied them to the oasis. +Certainly, it could be nothing sinful that at this particular moment +seemed to light up her husband's face, and restore his youth. + +"They just are men," said she to herself, "and in many things they have +the advantage of us women. The old man looks as he did on his wedding- +day! Polykarp is the very image of him, as every one says, and now, +looking at the father, and recalling to my mind how the boy looked when +he told me how he could not refrain from making Sirona's portrait, I must +say that I never saw such a likeness in the whole course of my life." + +He bid her a friendly good night, and extinguished the lamp. She would +willingly have said a loving word to him, for his contented expression +touched and comforted her, but that would just then have been too much +after what she had gone through in her son's workroom. In former years +it had happened pretty often that, when one of them had caused +dissatisfaction to the other, and there had been some quarrel between +them, they had gone to rest unreconciled, but the older they grew the +more rarely did this occur, and it was now a long time since any shadow +had fallen on the perfect serenity of their married life. + +Three years ago, on the occasion of the marriage of their eldest son, +they had been standing together, looking up at the starry sky, when +Petrus had come close up to her, and had said, "How calmly and peacefully +the wanderers up there follow their roads without jostling or touching +one another! As I walked home alone from the quarries by their friendly +light, I thought of many things. Perhaps there was once a time when the +stars rushed wildly about in confusion, crossing each other's path, while +many a star flew in pieces at the impact. Then the Lord created man, and +love came into the world and filled the heavens and the earth, and he +commanded the stars to be our light by night; then each began to respect +the path of the other, and the stars more rarely came into collision till +even the smallest and swiftest kept to its own path and its own period, +and the shining host above grew to be as harmonious as it is numberless. +Love and a common purpose worked this marvel, for he who loves another, +will do him no injury, and he who is bound to perfect a work with the +help of another, will not hinder nor delay him. We two have long since +found the right road, and if at any time one of us is inclined to cross +the path of the other, we are held back by love and by our common duty, +namely to shed a pure light on the path of our children." + +Dorothea had never forgotten these words, and they came into her mind now +again when Petrus held out his hand to her so warmly; as she laid hers in +it, she said: + +"For the sake of dear peace, well and good--but one thing I cannot leave +unsaid. Soft-hearted weakness is not usually your defect, but you will +utterly spoil Polykarp." + +"Leave him, let us leave him as he is," cried Petrus, kissing his wife's +brow. "It is strange how we have exchanged parts! Yesterday you were +exhorting me to mildness towards the lad, and to-day--" + +"To-day I am severer than you," interrupted Dorothea. "Who, indeed, +could guess that an old graybeard would derogate from the duties of his +office as father and as judge for the sake of a woman's smiling face in +clay--as Esau sold his birthright for a mess of pottage?" + +"And to whom would it occur," asked Petrus, taking up his wife's tone, +"that so tender a mother as you would condemn her favorite son, because +he labored to earn peace for his soul by a deed--by a work for which his +master might envy him?" + +"I have indeed observed," interrupted Dorothea, that Sirona's image has +bewitched you, and you speak as if the boy had achieved some great +miracle. I do not know much about modelling and sculpture, and I will +not contradict you, but if the fair-haired creature's face were less +pretty, and if Polykarp had not executed any thing remarkable, would it +have made the smallest difference in what he has done and felt wrong? +Certainly not. But that is just like men, they care only for success." + +"And with perfect justice," answered Petrus, "if the success is attained, +not in mere child's play, but by a severe struggle. 'To him, that hath, +shall more be given,' says the scripture, and he who has a soul more +richly graced than others have--he who is helped by good spirits--he +shall be forgiven many things that even a mild judge would be unwilling +to pardon in a man of poor gifts, who torments and exerts himself and yet +brings nothing to perfection. Be kind to the boy again. Do you know +what prospect lies before you through him? You yourself in your life +have done much good, and spoken much wisdom, and I, and the children, and +the people in this place, will never forget it all. But I can promise +you the gratitude of the best and noblest who now live or who will live +in centuries to come--for that you are the mother of Polykarp!" + +"And people say," cried Dorothea, "that every mother has four eyes for +her children's merits. If that is true, then fathers no doubt have ten, +and you as many as Argus, of whom the heathen legend speaks--But there +comes Polykarp." + +Petrus went forward to meet his son, and gave him his hand, but in quite +a different manner to what he had formerly shown; at least it seemed to +Dorothea that her husband received the youth, no longer as his father and +master, but as a friend greets a friend who is his equal in privileges +and judgment. When Polykarp turned to greet her also she colored all +over, for the thought flashed through her mind that her son, when he +thought of the past night, must regard her as unjust or foolish; but she +soon recovered her own calm equanimity, for Polykarp was the same as +ever, and she read in his eyes that he felt towards her the same as +yesterday and as ever. + +"Love," thought she, "is not extinguished by injustice, as fire is by +water. It blazes up brighter or less bright, no doubt, according to the +way the wind blows, but it cannot be wholly smothered--least of all by +death." + +Polykarp had been up the mountain, and Dorothea was quite satisfied when +he related what had led him thither. He had long since planned the +execution of a statue of Moses, and when his father had left him, he +could not get the tall and dignified figure of the old man out of his +mind. He felt that he had found the right model for his work. He must, +he would forget--and he knew, that he could only succeed if he found a +task which might promise to give some new occupation to his bereaved +soul. Still, he had seen the form of the mighty man of God which he +proposed to model, only in vague outline before his mind's eye, and he +had been prompted to go to a spot whither many pilgrims resorted, and +which was known as the Place of Communion, because it was there that the +Lord had spoken to Moses. There Polykarp had spent some time, for there, +if anywhere--there, where the Law-giver himself had stood, must he find +right inspiration. + +"And you have accomplished your end?" asked his father. + +Polykarp shook his head. + +"If you go often enough to the sacred spot, it will come to you," said +Dorothea. "The beginning is always the chief difficulty; only begin at +once to model your father's head." + +"I have already begun it," replied Polykarp, "but I am still tired from +last night." + +"You look pale, and have dark lines under your eyes," said Dorothea +anxiously. "Go up stairs and he down to rest. I will follow you and +bring you a beaker of old wine." + +"That will not hurt him," said Petrus, thinking as he spoke--"A draught +of Lethe would serve him even better." + +When, an hour later, the senator sought his son in his work-room, he +found him sleeping, and the wine stood untouched on the table. Petrus +softly laid his hand on his son's forehead and found it cool and free +from fever. Then he went quietly up to the portrait of Sirona, raised +the cloth with which it was covered, and stood before it a long time sunk +in thought. At last he drew back, covered it up again, and examined the +models which stood on a shelf fastened to the wall. + +A small female figure particularly fixed his attention, and he was taking +it admiringly in his band when Polykarp awoke. + +"That is the image of the goddess of fate--that is a Tyche," said Petrus. + +"Do not be angry with me, father," entreated Polykarp. "You know, the +figure of a Tyche is to stand in the hand of the statue of the Caesar +that is intended for the new city of Constantine, and so I have tried to +represent the goddess. The drapery and pose of the arms, I think, have +succeeded, but I failed in the head." Petrus, who had listened to him +with attention, glanced involuntarily at the head of Sirona, and Polykarp +followed his eyes surprised and almost startled. + +The father and son had understood each other, and Polykarp said, "I had +already thought of that." + +Then he sighed bitterly, and said to himself, "Yes and verily, she is +the goddess of my fate." But he dared not utter this aloud. + +But Petrus had heard him sigh, and said, "Let that pass. This head +smiles with sweet fascination, and the countenance of the goddess that +rules the actions even of the immortals, should be stern and grave." + +Polykarp could contain himself no longer. + +"Yes, father," he exclaimed. "Fate is terrible--and yet I will represent +the goddess with a smiling mouth, for that which is most terrible in her +is, that she rules not by stern laws, but smiles while she makes us her +sport." + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + +It was a splendid morning; not a cloud dimmed the sky which spread high +above desert, mountain, and oasis, like an arched tent of uniform deep- +blue silk. How delicious it is to breathe the pure, light, aromatic air +on the heights, before the rays of the sun acquire their mid-day power, +and the shadows of the heated porphyry cliffs, growing shorter and +shorter, at last wholly disappear! + +With what delight did Sirona inhale this pure atmosphere, when after a +long night--the fourth that she had passed in the anchorite's dismal +cave-she stepped out into the air. Paulus sat by the hearth, and was so +busily engaged with some carving, that he did not observe her approach. + +"Kind good man!" thought Sirona, as she perceived a steaming pot on the +fire, and the palm-branches which the Alexandrian had fastened up by the +entrance to the cave, to screen her from the mounting sun. She knew the +way without a guide to the spring from which Paulus had brought her water +at their first meeting, and she now slipped away, and went down to it +with a pretty little pitcher of burnt clay in her hand. Paulus did +indeed see her, but he made as though he neither, saw nor heard, for he +knew she was going there to wash herself, and to dress and smarten +herself as well as might be--for was she not a woman! When she returned, +she looked not less fresh and charming than on that morning when she had +been seen and watched by Hermas. True, her heart was sore, true, she was +perplexed and miserable, but sleep and rest had long since effaced from +her healthy, youthful, and elastic frame all traces left by that fearful +day of flight; and fate, which often means best by us when it shows us a +hostile face, had sent her a minor anxiety to divert her from her graver +cares. + +Her greyhound was very ill, and it seemed that in the ill-treatment it +had experienced, not only its leg had been broken, but that it had +suffered some internal injury. The brisk, lively little creature fell +down powerless when ever it tried to stand, and when she took it up to +nurse it comfortably in her lap, it whined pitifully, and looked up at +her sorrowfully, and as if complaining to her. It would take neither +food nor drink; its cool little nose was hot; and when she left the cave, +Iambe lay panting on the fine woollen coverlet which Paulus had spread +upon the bed, unable even to look after her. + +Before taking the dog the water she had fetched in the graceful jar-- +which was another gift from her hospitable friend--she went up to Paulus +and greeted him kindly. He looked up from his work, thanked her, and a +few minutes later, when she came out of the cave again, asked her, "How +is the poor little creature?" + +Sirona shrugged her shoulders, and said sadly, "She has drunk nothing, +and does not even know me, and pants as rapidly as last evening--if I +were to lose the poor little beast!--" + +She could say no more for emotion, but Paulus shook his head. + +"It is sinful," he said, "to grieve so for a beast devoid of reason." + +"Iambe is not devoid of reason," replied Sirona. "And even if she were, +what have I left if she dies? She grew up in my father's house, where +all loved me; I had her first when she was only a few days old, and I +brought her up on milk on a little bit of sponge. Many a time, when I +heard the little thing whining for food, have I got out of bed at night +with bare feet; and so she came to cling to me like a child, and could +not do without me. No one can know how another feels about such things. +My father used to tell us of a spider that beautified the life of a +prisoner, and what is a dirty dumb creature like that to my clever, +graceful little dog! I have lost my home, and here every one believes +the worst of me, although I have done no one any harm, and no one, no one +loves me but Iambe." + +"But I know of one who loves every one with a divine and equal love," +interrupted Paulus. + +"I do not care for such a one," answered Sirona. "Iambe follows no one +but me; what good can a love do me that I must share with all the world! +But you mean the crucified God of the Christians? He is good and +pitiful, so says Dame Dorothea; but he is dead--I cannot see him, nor +hear him, and, certainly, I cannot long for one who only shows me grace. +I want one to whom I can count for something, and to whose life and +happiness I am indispensable." + +A scarcely perceptible shudder thrilled through the Alexandrian as she +spoke these words, and he thought, as he glanced at her face and figure +with a mingled expression of regret and admiration, "Satan, before he +fell, was the fairest among the pure spirits, and he still has power over +this woman. She is still far from being ripe for salvation, and yet she +has a gentle heart, and even if she has erred, she is not lost." + +Sirona's eyes had met his, and she said with a sigh, "You look at me so +compassionately--if only Iambe were well, and if I succeeded in reaching +Alexandria, my destiny would perhaps take a turn for the better." + +Paulus had risen while she spoke, and had taken the pot from the hearth; +he now offered it to his guest, saying: + +"For the present we will trust to this broth to compensate to you for the +delights of the capital; I am glad that you relish it. But tell me now, +have you seriously considered what danger may threaten a beautiful, +young, and unprotected woman in the wicked city of the Greeks? Would it +not be better that you should submit to the consequences of your guilt, +and return to Phoebicius, to whom unfortunately you belong?" + +Sirona, at these words, had set down the vessel out of which she was +eating, and rising in passionate haste, she exclaimed: + +"That shall never, never be!--And when I was sitting up there half-dead, +and took your step for that of Phoebicius, the gods showed me a way to +escape from him, and from you or anyone who would drag me back to him. +When I fled to the edge of the abyss, I was raving and crazed, but what I +then would have done in my madness, I would do now in cold blood--as +surely as I hope to see my own people in Arelas once more! What was I +once, and to what have I come through Phoebicius! Life was to me a sunny +garden with golden trellises and shady trees and waters as bright as +crystal, with rosy flowers and singing birds; and he, he has darkened its +light, and fouled its springs, and broken down its flowers. All now +seems dumb and colorless, and if the abyss is my grave, no one will miss +me nor mourn for me." + +"Poor woman!" said Paulus. "Your husband then showed you very little +love." + +"Love," laughed Sirona, "Phoebicius and love! Only yesterday I told you, +how cruelly he used to torture me after his feasts, when he was drunk or +when he recovered from one of his swoons. But one thing he did to me, +one thing which broke the last thread of a tie between us. No one yet +has ever heard a word of it from me; not even Dorothea, who often blamed +me when I let slip a hard word against my husband. It was well for her +to talk--if I had found a husband like Petrus I might perhaps have been +like Dorothea. It is a marvel, which I myself do not understand, that I +did not grow wicked with such a man, a man who--why should I conceal it-- +who, when we were at Rome, because he was in debt, and because he hoped +to get promotion through his legate Quintillus, sold me--me--to him. He +himself brought the old man--who had often followed me about--into his +house, but our hostess, a good woman, had overheard the matter, and +betrayed it all to me. It is so base, so vile--it seems to blacken my +soul only to think of it! The legate got little enough in return for his +sesterces, but Phoebicius did not restore his wages of sin, and his rage +against me knew no bounds when he was transferred to the oasis at the +instigation of his betrayed chief. Now you know all, and never advise me +again to return to that man to whom my misfortune has bound me. + +"Only listen how the poor little beast in there is whining. It wants to +come to me, and has not the strength to move." + +Paulus looked after her sympathetically as she disappeared under the +opening in the rock, and he awaited her return with folded arms. He +could not see into the cave, for the space in which the bed stood was +closed at the end by the narrow passage which formed the entrance, and +which joined it at an angle as the handle of a scythe joins the blade. +She remained a long time, and he could hear now and then a tender word +with which she tried to comfort the suffering creature. Suddenly he was +startled by a loud and bitter cry from Sirona; no doubt, the poor woman's +affectionate little companion was dead, and in the dim twilight of the +cave she had seen its dulled eye, and felt the stiffness of death +overspreading and paralyzing its slender limbs. He dared not go into the +cavern, but he felt his eyes fill with tears, and he would willingly have +spoken some word of consolation to her. + +At last she came out, her eyes red with weeping. Paulus had guessed +rightly for she held the body of little Iambe in her arms. + +"How sorry I am," said Paulus, "the poor little creature was so pretty." + +Sirona nodded, sat down, and unfastened the prettily embroidered band +from the dog's neck, saying half to herself, and half to Paulus, "My +little Agnes worked this collar. I myself had taught her to sew, and +this was the first piece of work that was all her own." She held the +collar up to the anchorite. "This clasp is of real silver," she went on, +"and my father himself gave it to me. He was fond of the poor little dog +too. Now it will never leap and spring again, poor thing." + +She looked sadly down at the dead dog. Then she collected herself, and +said hurriedly, "Now I will go away from here. Nothing--nothing keeps me +any longer in this wilderness, for the senator's house, where I have +spent many happy hours, and where everyone was fond of me, is closed +against me, and must ever be so long as he lives there. If you have not +been kind to me only to do me harm in the end, let me go today, and help +me to reach Alexandria." + +"Not to-day, in any case not to-day," replied Paulus. "First I must find +out when a vessel sails for Klysma or for Berenike, and then I have many +other things to see to for you. You owe me an answer to my question, as +to what you expect to do and to find in Alexandria. Poor child--the +younger and the fairer you are--" + +"I know all you would say to me," interrupted Sirona. "Wherever I have +been, I have attracted the eyes of men, and when I have read in their +looks that I pleased them, it has greatly pleased me--why should I deny +it? Many a one has spoken fair words to me or given me flowers, and sent +old women to my house to win me for them, but even if one has happened to +please me better than another, still I have never found it hard to send +them home again as was fitting." + +"Till Hermas laid his love at your feet," said Paulus. "He is a bold +lad--" + +"A pretty, inexperienced boy," said Sirona, "neither more nor less. It +was a heedless thing, no doubt, to admit him to my rooms, but no vestal +need be ashamed to own to such favor as I showed him. I am innocent, and +I will remain so that I may stand in my father's presence without a blush +when I have earned money enough in the capital for the long journey." + +Paulus looked in her face astonished and almost horrified. + +Then he had in fact taken on himself guilt which did not exist, and +perhaps the senator would have been slower to condemn Sirona, if it had +not been for his falsely acknowledging it. He stood before her, feeling +like a child that would fain put together some object of artistic +workmanship, and who has broken it to pieces for want of skill. At the +same time he could not doubt a word that she said, for the voice within +him had long since plainly told him that this woman was no common +criminal. + +For some time he was at a loss for words; at last he said timidly: + +"What do you purpose doing in Alexandria?" + +"Polykarp says, that all good work finds a purchaser there," she +answered. "And I can weave particularly well, and embroider with gold- +thread. Perhaps I may find shelter under some roof where there are +children, and I would willingly attend to them during the day. In my +free time and at night I could work at my frame, and when I have scraped +enough together I shall soon find a ship that will carry me to Gaul, to +my own people. Do you not see that I cannot go back to Phoebicius, and +can you help me?" + +"Most willingly, and better perhaps than you fancy," said Paulus. "I +cannot explain this to you just now; but you need not request me, but may +rather feel that you have a good right to demand of me that I should +rescue you." + +She looked at him in surprised enquiry, and he continued: + +"First let me carry away the little dog, and bury it down there. I will +put a stone over the grave, that you may know where it lies. It must be +so, the body cannot be here any longer. Take the thing, which lies +there. I had tried before to cut it out for you, for you complained +yesterday that your hair was all in a tangle because you had not a comb, +so I tried to carve you one out of bone. There were none at the shop in +the oasis, and I am myself only a wild creature of the wilderness, a +sorry, foolish animal, and do not use one. + +"Was that a stone that fell? Aye, certainly, I hear a man's step; go +quickly into the cave and do not stir till I call you." + +Sirona withdrew into her rock-dwelling, and Paulus took the body of the +dog in his arms to conceal it from the man who was approaching. He +looked round, undecided, and seeking a hiding-place for it, but two sharp +eyes had already detected him and his small burden from the height above +him; before he had found a suitable place, stones were rolling and +crashing down from the cliff to the right of the cavern, and at the same +time a man came springing down with rash boldness from rock to rock, and +without heeding the warning voice of the anchorite, flung himself down +the slope, straight in front of him, exclaiming, while he struggled for +breath and his face was hot with hatred and excitement: + +"That--I know it well-that is Sirona's greyhound--where is its mistress? +Tell me this instant, where is Sirona--I must and will know." + +Paulus had frequently seen, from the penitent's room in the church, the +senator and his family in their places near the altar, and he was much +astonished to recognize in the daring leaper, who rushed upon him like a +mad man with dishevelled hair and fiery eyes, Polykarp, Petrus' second +son. + +The anchorite found it difficult to preserve his calm, and composed +demeanor, for since he had been aware that he had accused Sirona falsely +of a heavy sin, while at the same time he had equally falsely confessed +himself the partner of her misdeed, he felt an anxiety that amounted to +anguish, and a leaden oppression checked the rapidity of his thoughts. +He at first stammered out a few unintelligible words, but his opponent +was in fearful earnest with his question; he seized the collar of the +anchorite's coarse garment with terrible violence, and cried in a husky +voice, "Where did you find the dog? Where is--?" + +But suddenly he left go his hold of the Alexandrian, looked at him from +head to foot, and said softly and slowly: + +"Can it be possible? Are you Paulus, the Alexandrian?" + +The anchorite nodded assent. Polykarp laughed loud and bitterly, pressed +his hand to his forehead, and exclaimed in a tone of the deepest disgust +and contempt: + +"And is it so, indeed! and such a repulsive ape too! But I will not +believe that she even held out a hand to you, for the mere sight of you +makes me dirty." Paulus felt his heart beating like a hammer within his +breast; and there was a singing and roaring in his ears. When once more +Polykarp threatened him with his fist he involuntarily took the posture +of an athlete in a wrestling match, he stretched out his arms to try to +get a good hold of his adversary, and said in a hollow, deep tone of +angry warning, "Stand back, or something will happen to you that will not +be good for your bones." + +The speaker was indeed Paulus--and yet--not Paulus; it was Menander, the +pride of the Palaestra, who had never let pass a word of his comrades +that did not altogether please him. And yet yesterday in the oasis he +had quietly submitted to far worse insults than Polykarp had offered him, +and had accepted them with contented cheerfulness. Whence then to-day +this wild sensitiveness and eager desire to fight? + +When, two days since, he had gone to his old cave to fetch the last of +his hidden gold pieces, he had wished to greet old Stephanus, but the +Egyptian attendant had scared him off like an evil spirit with angry +curses, and had thrown stones after him. In the oasis he had attempted +to enter the church in spite of the bishop's prohibition, there to put up +a prayer; for he thought that the antechamber, where the spring was and +in which penitents were wont to tarry, would certainly not be closed even +to him; but the acolytes had driven him away with abusive words, and the +door-keeper, who a short time since had trusted him with the key, spit in +his face, and yet he had not found it difficult to turn his back on his +persecutors without anger or complaint. + +At the counter of the dealer of whom he had bought the woollen coverlet, +the little jug, and many other things for Sirona, a priest had passed by, +had pointed to his money, and had said, "Satan takes care of his own." + +Paulus had answered him nothing, had returned to his charge with an +uplifted and grateful heart, and had heartily rejoiced once more in the +exalted and encouraging consciousness that he was enduring disgrace and +suffering for another in humble imitation of Christ. What was it then +that made him so acutely sensitive with regard to Polykarp, and once more +snapped those threads, which long years of self-denial had twined into +fetters for his impatient spirit? Was it that to the man, who mortified +his flesh in order to free his soul from its bonds it seemed a lighter +matter to be contemned as a sinner, hated of God, than to let his person +and his manly dignity be treated with contempt? Was he thinking of the +fair listener in the cave, who was a witness to his humiliation? Had his +wrath blazed up because he saw in Polykarp, not so much an exasperated +fellow-believer, as merely a man who with bold scorn had put himself in +the path of another man? + +The lad and the gray-bearded athlete stood face to face like mortal +enemies ready for the fight, and Polykarp did not waver, although he, +like most Christian youths, had been forbidden to take part in the +wrestling-games in the Palaestra, and though he knew that he had to deal +with a strong and practised antagonist. + +He himself was indeed no weakling, and his stormy indignation added to +his desire to measure himself against the hated seducer. + +"Come on--come on!" he cried; his eyes flashing, and leaning forward +with his neck out-stretched and ready on his part for the struggle. +"Grip hold! you were a gladiator, or something of the kind, before you +put on that filthy dress that you might break into houses at night, and +go unpunished. Make this sacred spot an arena, and if you succeed in +making an end of me I will thank you, for what made life worth having to +me, you have already ruined whether or no. Only come on. Or perhaps you +think it easier to ruin the life of a woman than to measure your strength +against her defender? Clutch hold, I say, clutch hold, or--" + +"Or you will fall upon me," said Paulus, whose arms had dropped by his +side during the youth's address. He spoke in a quite altered tone of +indifference. "Throw yourself upon me, and do with me what you will; I +will not prevent you. Here I shall stand, and I will not fight, for you +have so far hit the truth--this holy place is not an arena. But the +Gaulish lady belongs neither to you nor to me, and who gives you +a claim--?" + +"Who gives me a right over her?" interrupted Polykarp, stepping close up +to his questioner with sparkling eyes. "He who permits the worshipper to +speak of his God. Sirona is mine, as the sun and moon and stars are +mine, because they shed a beautiful light on my murky path. My life is +mine--and she was the life of my life, and therefore I say boldly, and +would say, if there were twenty such as Phoebicius here, she belongs to +me. And because I regarded her as my own, and so regard her still, I +hate you and fling my scorn in your teeth--you are like a hungry sheep +that has got into the gardener's flower-bed, and stolen from the stem the +wonderful, lovely flower that he has nurtured with care, and that only +blooms once in a hundred years--like a cat that has sneaked into some +marble hall, and that to satisfy its greed has strangled some rare and +splendid bird that a traveller has brought from a distant land. But you! +you hypocritical robber, who disregard your own body with beastly pride, +and sacrifice it to low brutality--what should you know of the magic +charm of beauty--that daughter of heaven, that can touch even thoughtless +children, and before which the gods themselves do homage! I have a right +to Sirona; for hide her where you will--or even if the centurion were to +find her, and to fetter her to himself with chains and rivets of brass-- +still that which makes her the noblest work of the Most High--the image +of her beauty--lives in no one, in no one as it lives in me. This hand +has never even touched your victim--and yet God has given Sirona to no +man as he has given her wholly to me, for to no man can she be what she +is to me, and no man can love her as I do! She has the nature of an +angel, and the heart of a child; she is without spot, and as pure as the +diamond, or the swan's breast, or the morning-dew in the bosom of a rose. +And though she had let you into her house a thousand times, and though my +father even, and my own mother, and every one, every one pointed at her +and condemned her, I would never cease to believe in her purity. It is +you who have brought her to shame; it is you--" + +"I kept silence while all condemned her," said Paulus with warmth, "for I +believed that she was guilty, just as you believe that I am, just as +every one that is bound by no ties of love is more ready to believe evil +than good, Now I know, aye, know for certain, that we did the poor woman +an injustice. If the splendor of the lovely dream, that you call Sirona, +has been clouded by my fault--" + +"Clouded? And by you?" laughed Polykarp. "Can the toad that plunges +into the sea, cloud its shining blue, can the black bat that flits across +the night, cloud the pure light of the full-moon?" + +An emotion of rage again shot through the anchorite's heart, but he was +by this time on his guard against himself, and he only said bitterly, and +with hardly-won composure: + +"And how was it then with the flower, and with the bird, that were +destroyed by beasts without understanding? I fancy you meant no absent +third person by that beast, and yet now you declare that it is not within +my power even to throw a shadow over your day-star! You see you +contradict yourself in your anger, and the son of a wise man, who himself +has not long since left the school of rhetoric, should try to avoid that. +You might regard me with less hostility, for I will not offend you; nay, +I will repay your evil words with good--perhaps the very best indeed that +you ever heard in your life. Sirona is a worthy and innocent woman, and +at the time when Phoebicius came out to seek her, I had never even set +eyes upon her nor had my ears ever heard a word pass her lips." + +At these words Polykarp's threatening manner changed, and feeling at once +incapable of understanding the matter, and anxious to believe, he eagerly +exclaimed: + +"But yet the sheepskin was yours, and you let yourself be thrashed by +Phoebicius without defending yourself." + +"So filthy an ape," said Paulus, imitating Polykarp's voice, "needs many +blows, and that day I could not venture to defend myself because-- +because--But that is no concern of yours. You must subdue your curiosity +for a few days longer, and then it may easily happen that the man whose +very aspect makes you feel dirty--the bat, the toad--" + +"Let that pass now," cried Polykarp. "Perhaps the excitement which the +sight of you stirred up in my bruised and wounded heart, led me to use +unseemly language. Now, indeed, I see that your matted hair sits round a +well featured countenance. Forgive my violent and unjust attack. I was +beside myself, and I opened my whole soul to you, and now that you know +how it is with me, once more I ask you, where is Sirona?" + +Polykarp looked Paulus in the face with anxious and urgent entreaty, +pointing to the dog as much as to say, "You must know, for here is the +evidence." + +The Alexandrian hesitated to answer; he glanced by chance at the entrance +of the cave, and seeing the gleam of Sirona's white robe behind the palm- +branches, he said to himself that if Polykarp lingered much longer, he +could not fail to discover her--a consummation to be avoided. + +There were many reasons which might have made him resolve to stand in the +way of a meeting between the lady and the young man, but not one of them +occurred to him, and though he did not even dream that a feeling akin to +jealousy had begun to influence him, still he was conscious that it was +his lively repugnance to seeing the two sink into each other's arms +before his very eyes, that prompted him to turn shortly round, to take up +the body of the little dog, and to say to the enquirer: + +"It is true, I do know where she is hiding, and when the time comes you +shall know it too. Now I must bury the animal, and if you will you can +help me." + +Without waiting for any objection on Polykarp's part, he hurried from +stone to stone up to the plateau on the precipitous edge of which he had +first seen Sirona. The younger man followed him breathlessly, and only +joined him when he had already begun to dig out the earth with his hands +at the foot of a cliff. Polykarp was now standing close to the +anchorite, and repeated his question with vehement eagerness, but Paulus +did not look up from his work, and only said, digging faster and faster: + +"Come to this place again to-morrow, and then it may perhaps be possible +that I should tell you." + +"You think to put me off with that," cried the lad. "Then you are +mistaken in me, and if you cheat me with your honest-sounding words, I +will--" + +But he did not end his threat, for a clear longing cry distinctly broke +the silence of the deserted mountain: "Polykarp--Polykarp." It sounded +nearer and nearer, and the words had a magic effect on him for whose ear +they were intended. + +With his head erect and trembling in every limb, the young man listened +eagerly. Then he cried out, "It is her voice! I am coming, Sirona, I am +coming." And without paying any heed to the anchorite, he was on the +point of hurrying off to meet her. But Paulus placed himself close in +front of him, and said sternly: "You stay here." + +"Out of my way," shouted Polykarp beside himself. "She is calling to me +out of the hole where you are keeping her--you slanderer--you cowardly +liar! Out of the way I say! You will not? Then defend yourself, you +hideous toad, or I will tread you down, if my foot does not fear to be +soiled with your poison." + +Up to this moment Paulus had stood before the young man with out-spread +arms, motionless, but immovable as an oak-tree; now Polykarp first hit +him. This blow shattered the anchorite's patience, and, no longer master +of himself, he exclaimed, "You shall answer to me for this!" and before +a third and fourth call had come from Sirona's lips, he had grasped the +artist's slender body, and with a mighty swing he flung him backwards +over his own broad and powerful shoulders on to the stony ground. + +After this mad act he stood over his victim with out-stretched legs, +folded arms, and rolling eyes, as if rooted to the earth. He waited till +Polykarp had picked himself up, and, without looking round, but pressing +his hands to the back of his head, had tottered away like a drunken man. + +Paulus looked after him till he disappeared over the cliff at the edge of +the level ground; but he did not see how Polykarp fell senseless to the +ground with a stifled cry, not far from the very spring whence his enemy +had fetched the water to refresh Sirona's parched lips. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + +"She will attract the attention of Damianus or Salathiel or one of the +others up there," thought Paulus as he heard Sirona's call once more, +and, following her voice, he went hastily and excitedly down the +mountainside. + +"We shall have peace for to-day at any rate from that audacious fellow," +muttered he to himself, "and perhaps to-morrow too, for his blue bruises +will be a greeting from me. But how difficult it is to forget what we +have once known! The grip, with which I flung him, I learned--how long +ago?--from the chief-gymnast at Delphi. My marrow is not yet quite dried +up, and that I will prove to the boy with these fists, if he comes back +with three or four of the same mettle." + +But Paulus had not long to indulge in such wild thoughts, for on the way +to the cave he met Sirona. "Where is Polykarp?" she called out from +afar. + +"I have sent him home," he answered. "And he obeyed you?" she asked +again. + +"I gave him striking reasons for doing so," he replied quickly. + +"But he will return?" + +"He has learned enough up here for to-day. We have now to think of your +journey to Alexandria." + +"But it seems to me," replied Sirona, blushing, "that I am safely hidden +in your cave, and just now you yourself said--" + +"I warned you against the dangers of the expedition," interrupted Paulus. +"But since that it has occurred to me that I know of a shelter, and of a +safe protector for you. There, we are at home again. Now go into the +cave, for very probably some one may have heard you calling, and if other +anchorites were to discover you here, they would compel me to take you +back to your husband." + +"I will go directly," sighed Sirona, "but first explain to me--for I +heard all that you said to each other--" and she colored, "how it +happened that Phoebicius took Hermas' sheepskin for yours, and why you +let him beat you without giving any explanation." + +"Because my back is even broader than that great fellow's," replied the +Alexandrian quickly. "I will tell you all about it in some quiet hour, +perhaps on our journey to Klysma. Now go into the cave, or you may spoil +everything. I know too what you lack most since you heard the fair words +of the senator's son." + +"Well--what?" asked Sirona. + +"A mirror!" laughed Paulus. + +"How much you are mistaken!" said Sirona; and she thought to herself, +"The woman that Polykarp looks at as he does at me, does not need a +mirror." + +An old Jewish merchant lived in the fishing-town on the western declivity +of the mountain; he shipped the charcoal for Egypt, which was made in the +valleys of the peninsula by burning the sajal acacia, and he had formerly +supplied fuel for the drying-room of the papyrus-factory of Paulus' +father. He now had a business connection with his brother, and Paulus +himself had had dealings with him. He was prudent and wealthy, and +whenever he met the anchorite, he blamed him for his flight from the +world, and implored him to put his hospitality to the test, and to +command his resources and means as if they were his own. + +This man was now to find a boat, and to provide the means of flight for +Sirona. The longer Paulus thought it over, the more indispensable it +seemed to him that he should himself accompany the Gaulish lady to +Alexandria, and in his own person find her a safe shelter. He knew that +he was free to dispose of his brother's enormous fortune-half of which in +fact was his--as though it were all his own, and he began to rejoice in +his possessions for the first time for many years. Soon he was occupied +in thinking of the furnishing of the house, which he intended to assign +to the fair Sirona. At first he thought of a simple citizen's dwelling, +but by degrees he began to picture the house intended for her as fitted +with shining gold, white and colored marble, many-colored Syrian carpets, +nay even with vain works of the heathen, with statues, and a luxurious +bath. In increasing unrest he wandered from rock to rock, and many times +as he went up and down he paused in front of the cave where Sirona was. +Once he saw her light robe, and its conspicuous gleam led him to the +reflection, that it would be imprudent to conduct her to the humble +fishing-village in that dress. If he meant to conceal her traces from +the search of Phoebicius and Polykarp, he must first provide her with a +simple dress, and a veil that should hide her shining hair and fair face, +which even in the capital could find no match. + +The Amalekite, from whom he had twice bought some goat's-milk for her, +lived in a but which Paulus could easily reach. He still possessed a few +drachmas, and with these he could purchase what he needed from the wife +and daughter of the goatherd. Although the sky was now covered with mist +and a hot sweltering south-wind had risen, he prepared to start at once. +The sun was no longer visible though its scorching heat could be felt, +but Paulus paid no heed to this sign of an approaching storm. + +Hastily, and with so little attention that he confused one object with +another in the little store-cellar, he laid some bread, a knife, and some +dates in front of the entrance to the cave, called out to his guest that +he should soon return, and hurried at a rapid pace up the mountain. + +Sirona answered him with a gentle word of farewell, and did not even look +round after him, for she was glad to be alone, and so soon as the sound +of his step had died away she gave herself up once more to the +overwhelming torrent of new and deep feelings which had flooded her soul +ever since she had heard Polykarp's ardent hymn of love. + +Paulus, in the last few hours, was Menander again, but the lonely woman +in the cavern--the cause of this transformation--the wife of Phoebicius, +had undergone an even greater change than he. She was still Sirona, and +yet not Sirona. + +When the anchorite had commanded her to retire into the cave she had +obeyed him willingly, nay, she would have withdrawn even without his +desire, and have sought for solitude; for she felt that something mighty, +hitherto unknown to her, and incomprehensible even to herself, was +passing in her soul, and that a nameless but potent something had grown +up in her heart, had struggled free, and had found life and motion; a +something that was strange, and yet precious to her, frightening, and yet +sweet, a pain, and yet unspeakably delightful. An emotion such as she +had never before known had mastered her, and she felt, since hearing +Polykarp's speech, as if a new and purer blood was flowing rapidly +through her veins. Every nerve quivered like the leaves of the poplars +in her former home when the wind blows down to meet the Rhone, and she +found it difficult to follow what Paulus said, and still more so to find +the right answer to his questions. + +As soon as she was alone she sat down on her bed, rested her elbows on +her knees, and her head in her hand, and the growing and surging flood of +her passion broke out in an abundant stream of warm tears. + +She had never wept so before; no anguish, no bitterness was infused into +the sweet refreshing dew of those tears. Fair flowers of never dreamed +of splendor and beauty blossomed in the heart of the weeping woman, and +when at length her tears ceased, there was a great silence, but also a +great glory within her and around her. She was like a man who has grown +up in an under-ground-room, where no light of day can ever shine, and who +at last is allowed to look at the blue heavens, at the splendor of the +sun, at the myriad flowers and leaves in the green woods, and on the +meadows. + +She was wretched, and yet a happy woman. + +"That is love!" were the words that her heart sang in triumph, and as her +memory looked back on the admirers who had approached her in Arelas when +she was still little more than a child, and afterwards in Rome, with +tender words and looks, they all appeared like phantom forms carrying +feeble tapers, whose light paled pitifully, for Polykarp had now come on +the scene, bearing the very sun itself in his hands. + +"They--and he," she murmured to herself, and she beheld as it were a +balance, and on one of the scales lay the homage which in her vain fancy +she had so coveted. It was of no more weight than chaff, and its whole +mass was like a heap of straw, which flew up as soon as Polykarp laid his +love--a hundredweight of pure gold, in the other scale. + +"And if all the nations and kings of the earth brought their treasures +together," thought she, "and laid them at my feet, they could not make me +as rich as he has made me, and if all the stars were fused into one, the +vast globe of light which they would form could not shine so brightly as +the joy that fills my soul. Come now what may, I will never complain +after that hour of delight." + +Then she thought over each of her former meetings with Polykarp, and +remembered that he had never spoken to her of love. What must it not +have cost him to control himself thus; and a great triumphant joy filled +her heart at the thought that she was pure, and not unworthy of him, and +an unutterable sense of gratitude rose up in her soul. The love she bore +this man seemed to take wings, and it spread itself over the common life +and aspect of the world, and rose to a spirit of devotion. With a deep +sigh she raised her eyes and hands to heaven, and in her longing to prove +her love to every living being, nay to every created thing, her spirit +sought the mighty and beneficent Power to whom she owed such exalted +happiness. + +In her youth her father had kept her very strictly, but still he had +allowed her to go through the streets of the town with her young +companions, wreathed with flowers, and all dressed in their best, in the +procession of maidens at the feast of Venus of Arelas, to whom all the +women of her native town were wont to turn with prayers and sacrifices +when their hearts were touched by love. + +Now she tried to pray to Venus, but again and again the wanton jests of +the men who were used to accompany the maidens came into her mind, and +memories of how she herself had eagerly listened for the only too +frequent cries of admiration, and had enticed the silent with a glance, +or thanked the more clamorous with a smile. To-day certainly she had no +mind for such sport, and she recollected the stern words which had fallen +from Dorothea's lips on the worship of Venus, when she had once told her +how well the natives of Arelas knew how to keep their feasts. + +And Polykarp, whose heart was nevertheless so full of love, he no doubt +thought like his mother, and she pictured him as she had frequently seen +him following his parents by the side of his sister Marthana--often hand +in hand with her--as they went to church. The senator's son had always +had a kindly glance for her, excepting when he was one of this procession +to the temple of the God of whom they said that He was love itself, and +whose votaries indeed were not poor in love; for in Petrus' house, if +anywhere, all hearts were united by a tender affection. It then occurred +to her that Paulus had just now advised her to turn to the crucified God +of the Christians, who was full of an equal and divine love to all men. +To him Polykarp also prayed--was praying perhaps this very hour; and if +she now did the same her prayers would ascend together with his, and so +she might be in some sort one with that beloved friend, from whom +everything else conspired to part her. + +She knelt down and folded her hands, as she had so often seen Christians +do, and she reflected on the torments that the poor Man, who hung with +pierced hands on the cross, had so meekly endured, though He suffered +innocently; she felt the deepest pity for Him, and softly said to +herself, as she raised her eyes to the low roof of her cave-dwelling: + +"Thou poor good Son of God, Thou knowest what it is when all men condemn +us unjustly, and surely, Thou canst understand when I say to Thee how +sore my poor heart is! And they say too, that of all hearts Thine is the +most loving, and so thou wilt know how it is that, in spite of all my +misery, it still seems to me that I am a happy woman. The very breath of +a God must be rapture, and that Thou too must have learned when they +tortured and mocked Thee, for Thou halt suffered out of love. They say, +that Thou wast wholly pure and perfectly sinless. Now I--I have +committed many follies, but not a sin--a real sin--no, indeed, I have +not; and Thou must know it, for Thou art a God, and knowest the past, and +canst read hearts. And, indeed, I also would fain remain innocent, and +yet how can that be when I cannot help being devoted to Polykarp, and yet +I am another man's wife. But am I indeed the true and lawful wife of +that horrible wretch who sold me to another? He is as far from my heart +--as far as if I had never seen him with these eyes. And yet--believe +me--I wish him no ill, and I will be quite content, if only I need never +go back to him. + +"When I was a child, I was afraid of frogs; my brothers and sisters knew +it, and once my brother Licinius laid a large one, that he had caught, +on my bare neck. I started, and shuddered, and screamed out loud, for it +was so hideously cold and damp--I cannot express it. And that is exactly +how I have always felt since those days in Rome whenever Phoebicius +touched me, and yet I dared not scream when he did. + +"But Polykarp! oh! would that he were here, and might only grasp my hand. +He said I was his own, and yet I have never encouraged him. But now! +if a danger threatened him or a sorrow, and if by any means I could save +him from it, indeed--indeed--though I never could bear pain well, and am +afraid of death, I would let them nail me to a cross for him, as Thou +wast crucified for us all. + +"But then he must know that I had died for him, and if he looked into my +dying eyes with his strange, deep gaze, I would tell him that it is to +him that I owe a love so great that it is a thing altogether different +and higher than any love I have ever before seen. And a feeling that is +so far above all measure of what ordinary mortals experience, it seems to +me, must be divine. Can such love be wrong? I know not; but Thou +knowest, and Thou, whom they name the Good Shepherd, lead Thou us-- +each apart from the other, if it be best so for him--but yet, if it be +possible, unite us once more, if it be only for one single hour. If only +he could know that I am not wicked, and that poor Sirona would willingly +belong to him, and to no other, then I would be ready to die. O Thou +good, kind Shepherd, take me too into Thy flock, and guide me." + +Thus prayed Sirona, and before her fancy there floated the image of a +lovely and loving youthful form; she had seen the original in the model +for Polykarp's noble work, and she had not forgotten the exquisite +details of the face. It seemed to her as well known and familiar as if +she had known--what in fact she could not even guess--that she herself +had had some share in the success of the work. + +The love which unites two hearts is like the ocean of Homer which +encircles both halves of the earth. It flows and rolls on. Where shall +we seek its source--here or there--who can tell? + +It was Dame Dorothea who in her motherly pride had led the Gaulish lady +into her son's workshop. Sirona thought of her and her husband and her +house, where over the door a motto was carved in the stone which she had +seen every morning from her sleeping-room. She could not read Greek, but +Polykarp's sister, Marthana, had more than once told her what it meant. +"Commit thy way to the Lord, and put thy trust in Him," ran the +inscription, and she repeated it to herself again and again, and then +drew fancy-pictures of the future in smiling day-dreams, which by degrees +assumed sharper outlines and brighter colors. + +She saw herself united to Polykarp, and as the daughter of Petrus and +Dorothea, at home in the senator's house; she had a right now to the +children who loved her, and who were so dear to her; she helped the +deaconess in all her labors, and won praise, and looks of approval. She +had learned to use her hands in her father's house and now she could show +what she could do; Polykarp even gazed at her with surprise and +admiration, and said that she was as clever as she was beautiful, and +promised to become a second Dorothea. She went with him into his +workshop, and there arranged all the things that lay about in confusion, +and dusted it, while he followed her every movement with his gaze, and +at last stood before her, his arms wide--wide open to clasp her. + +She started, and pressed her hands over her eyes, and flung herself +loving and beloved on his breast, and would have thrown her arms round +his neck, while her hot tears flowed--but the sweet vision was suddenly +shattered, for a swift flash of light pierced the gloom of the cavern, +and immediately after she heard the heavy roll of the thunder-clap, +dulled by the rocky walls of her dwelling. + +Completely recalled to actuality she listened for a moment, and then +stepped to the entrance of the cave. It was already dusk, and heavy +rain-drops were falling from the dark clouds which seemed to shroud the +mountain peaks in a vast veil of black crape. Paulus was nowhere to be +seen, but there stood the food he had prepared for her. She had eaten +nothing since her breakfast, and she now tried to drink the milk, but it +had curdled and was not fit to use; a small bit of bread and a few dates +quite satisfied her. + +As the lightning and thunder began to follow each other more and more +quickly, and the darkness fast grew deeper, a great fear fell upon her; +she pushed the food on one side, and looked up to the mountain where the +peaks were now wholly veiled in night, now seemed afloat in a sea of +flame, and more distinctly visible than by daylight. Again and again a +forked flash like a saw-blade of fire cut through the black curtain of +cloud with terrific swiftness, again and again the thunder sounded like a +blast of trumpets through the silent wilderness, and multiplied itself, +clattering, growling, roaring, and echoing from rock to rock. Light and +sound at last seemed to be hurled from Heaven together, and the very rock +in which her cave was formed quaked. + +Crushed and trembling she drew back into the inmost depth of her rocky +chamber, starting at each flash that illumined the darkness. + +At length they occurred at longer intervals, the thunder lost its +appalling fury, and as the wind drove the storm farther and farther to +the southwards, at last it wholly died away. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + +It was quite dark in Sirona's cavern, fearfully dark, and the blacker +grew the night which shrouded her, the more her terror increased. From +time to time she shut her eyes as tightly as she could, for she fancied +she could see a crimson glare, and she longed for light in that hour as a +drowning man longs for the shore. Dark forebodings of every kind +oppressed her soul. + +What if Paulus had abandoned her, and had left her to her fate? Or if +Polykarp should have been searching for her on the mountain in this +storm, and in the darkness should have fallen into some abyss, or have +been struck by the lightning? Suppose the mass of rock that overhung the +entrance to the cave should have been loosened in the storm, and should +fall, and bar her exit to the open air? Then she would be buried alive, +and she must perish alone, without seeing him whom she loved once more, +or telling him that she had not been unworthy of his trust in her. + +Cruelly tormented by such thoughts as these, she dragged herself up and +felt her way out into the air and wind, for she could no longer hold out +in the gloomy solitude and fearful darkness. She had hardly reached the +mouth of the cave, when she heard steps approaching her lurking place, +and again she shrank back. Who was it that could venture in this pitch- +dark night to climb from rock to rock? Was it Paulus returning? Was it +he--was it Polykarp seeking her? She felt intoxicated; she pressed her +hands to her heart, and longed to cry out, but she dared not, and her +tongue refused its office. She listened with the tension of terror to +the sound of the steps which came straight towards her nearer and nearer, +then the wanderer perceived the faint gleam of her white dress, and +called out to her. It was Paulus. + +She drew a deep breath of relief when she recognized his voice, and +answered his call. + +"In such weather as this," said the anchorite, "it is better to be within +than without, it seems to me, for it is not particularly pleasant out +here, so far as I have found." + +"But it has been frightful here inside the cave too," Sirona answered, +"I have been so dreadfully frightened, I was so lonely in the horrible +darkness. If only I had had my little dog with me, it would at least +have been a living being." + +"I have made haste as well as I could," interrupted Paulus. "The paths +are not so smooth here as the Kanopic road in Alexandria, and as I have +not three necks like Cerberus, who lies at the feet of Serapis, it would +have been wiser of me to return to you a little more leisurely. The +storm-bird has swallowed up all the stars as if they were flies, and the +poor old mountain is so grieved at it, that streams of tears are +everywhere flowing over his stony cheeks. It is wet even here. Now go +back into the cave, and let me lay this that I have got here for you in +my arms, in the dry passage. I bring you good news; to-morrow evening, +when it is growing dusk, we start. I have found out a vessel which will +convey us to Klysma, and from thence I myself will conduct you to +Alexandria. In the sheepskin here you will find the dress and veil of an +Amalekite woman, and if your traces are to be kept hidden from +Phoebicius, you must accommodate yourself to this disguise; for if the +people down there were to see you as I saw you to-day, they would think +that Aphrodite herself had risen from the sea, and the report of the +fair-haired beauty that had appeared among them would soon spread even to +the oasis." + +"But it seems to me that I am well hidden here," replied Sirona. "I am +afraid of a sea-voyage, and even if we succeeded in reaching Alexandria +without impediment, still I do not know--" + +"It shall be my business to provide for you there." Paulus interrupted +with a decision that was almost boastful, and that somewhat disturbed +Sirona. "You know the fable of the ass in the lion's skin, but there are +lions who wear the skin of an ass on their shoulders--or of a sheep, it +comes to the same thing. Yesterday you were speaking of the splendid +palaces of the citizens, and lauding the happiness of their owners. You +shall dwell in one of those marble houses, and rule it as its mistress, +and it shall be my care to procure you slaves, and litter-bearers, and a +carriage with four mules. Do not doubt my word, for I am promising +nothing that I cannot perform. The rain is ceasing, and I will try to +light a fire. You want nothing more to eat? Well then, I will wish you +good-night. The rest will all do to-morrow." + +Sirona had listened in astonishment to the anchorite's promises. + +How often had she envied those who possessed all that her strange +protector now promised her--and now it had not the smallest charm for +her; and, fully determined in any case not to follow Paulus, whom she +began to distrust, she replied, as she coldly returned his greeting, +"There are many hours yet before tomorrow evening in which we can discuss +everything." + +While Paulus was with great difficulty rekindling the fire, she was once +more alone, and again she began to be alarmed in the dark cavern. + +She called the Alexandrian. "The darkness terrifies me so," she said. +"You still had some oil in the jug this morning; perhaps you may be able +to contrive a little lamp for me; it is so fearful to stay here in the +dark." + +Paulus at once took a shard, tore a strip from his tattered coat, twisted +it together, and laid it for a wick in the greasy fluid, lighted it at +the slowly reviving fire, and putting this more than simple light in +Sirona's hand, he said, "It will serve its purpose; in Alexandria I will +see that you have lamps which give more light, and which are made by a +better artist." + +Sirona placed the lamp in a hollow in the rocky wall at the head of her +bed, and then lay down to rest. Light scares away wild beasts and fear +too from the resting-place of man, and it kept terrifying thoughts far +away from the Gaulish woman. + +She contemplated her situation clearly and calmly, and quite decided that +she would neither quit the cave, nor entrust herself to the anchorite, +till she had once more seen and spoken to Polykarp. He no doubt knew +where to seek her, and certainly, she thought, he would by this time have +returned, if the storm and the starless night had not rendered it an +impossibility to come up the mountain from the oasis. + +"To-morrow I shall see him again, and then I will open my heart to him, +and he shall read my soul like a book, and on every page, and in every +line he will find his own name. And I will tell him too that I have +prayed to his 'Good Shepherd,' and how much good it has done me, and that +I will be a Christian like his sister Marthana and his mother. Dorothea +will be glad indeed when she hears it, and she at any rate cannot have +thought that I was wicked, for she always loved me, and the children--the +children--" + +The bright crowd of merry faces came smiling in upon her fancy, and her +thoughts passed insensibly into dreams; kindly sleep touched her heart +with its gentle hand, and its breath swept every shadow of trouble from +her soul. She slept, smiling and untroubled as a child whose eyes some +guardian angel softly kisses, while her strange protector now turned the +flickering wood on the damp hearth and with a reddening face blew up the +dying charcoal-fire, and again walked restlessly up and down, and paused +each time he passed the entrance to the cave, to throw a longing glance +at the light which shone out from Sirona's sleeping-room. + +Since the moment when he had flung Polykarp to the ground, Paulus had not +succeeded in recovering his self-command; not for a moment had he +regretted the deed, for the reflection had never occurred to him, that +a fall on the stony soil of the Sacred Mountain, which was as hard as +iron, must hurt more than a fall on the' sand of the arena. + +"The impudent fellow," thought he, "richly deserved what he got. Who +gave him a better right over Sirona than he, Paulus himself, had--he who +had saved her life, and had taken it upon himself to protect her?" Her +great beauty had charmed him from the first moment of their meeting, but +no impure thought stirred his heart as he gazed at her with delight, and +listened with emotion to her childlike talk. It was the hot torrent of +Polykarp's words that had first thrown the spark into his soul, which +jealousy and the dread of having to abandon Sirona to another, had soon +fanned into a consuming flame. He would not give up this woman, he would +continue to care for her every need, she should owe everything to him, +and to him only. And so, without reserve, he devoted himself body and +soul to the preparations for her flight. The hot breath of the storm, +the thunder and lightning, torrents of rain, and blackness of night could +not delay him, while he leaped from rock to rock, feeling his way-soaked +through, weary and in peril; he thought only of her, and of how he could +most safely carry her to Alexandria, and then surround her with all that +could charm a woman's taste. Nothing--nothing did he desire for himself, +and all that he dreamed of and planned turned only and exclusively on the +pleasure which he might afford her. When he had prepared and lighted the +lamp for her he saw her again, and was startled at the beauty of the face +that the trembling flame revealed. He could observe her a few seconds +only, and then she had vanished, and he must remain alone in the darkness +and the rain. He walked restlessly up and down, and an agonizing longing +once more to see her face lighted up by the pale flame, and the white arm +that she had held out to take the lamp, grew more and more strong in him +and accelerated the pulses of his throbbing heart. As often as he passed +the cave, and observed the glimmer of light that came from her room, he +felt prompted and urged to slip in, and to gaze on her once more. He +never once thought of prayer and scourging, his old means of grace, he +sought rather for a reason that might serve him as an excuse if he went +in, and it struck him that it was cold, and that a sheepskin was lying in +the cavern. He would fetch it, in spite of his vow never to wear a +sheepskin again; and supposing he were thus enabled to see her, what +next? + +When he had Stepped across the threshold, an inward voice warned him +to return, and told him that he must be treading the path of +unrighteousness, for that he was stealing in on tiptoe like a thief; but +the excuse was ready at once. "That is for fear of waking her, if she is +asleep." + +And now all further reflection was silenced for he had already reached +the spot where, at the end of the rocky passage, the cave widened into +her sleeping-room; there she lay on her hard couch, sunk in slumber and +enchantingly fair. + +A deep gloom reigned around, and the feeble light of the little lamp +lighted up only a small portion of the dismal chamber but the head, +throat, and arms that it illuminated seemed to shine with a light of +their own that enhanced and consecrated the light of the feeble flame. +Paulus fell breathless on his knees, and fixed his eyes with growing +eagerness on the graceful form of the sleeper. + +Sirona was dreaming; her head, veiled in her golden hair, rested on a +high pillow of herbs, and her delicately rosy face was turned up to the +vault of the cave; her half-closed lips moved gently, and now she moved +her bent arm and her white hand, on which the light of the lamp fell, and +which rested half on her forehead and half on her shining hair. + +"Is she saying anything?" asked Paulus of himself, and he pressed his +brow against a projection of the rock as tightly as if he would stem the +rapid rush of his blood that it might not overwhelm his bewildered brain. + +Again she moved her lips. Had she indeed spoken? Had she perhaps called +him? + +That could not be, for she still slept; but he wished to believe it--and +he would believe it, and he stole nearer to her and nearer, and bent over +her, and listened--while his own strength failed him even to draw a +breath--listened to the soft regular breathing that heaved her bosom. +No longer master of himself he touched her white arm with his bearded +lips and she drew it back in her sleep, then his gaze fell on her parted +lips and the pearly teeth that shone between them, and a mad longing to +kiss them came irresistibly over him. He bent trembling over her, and +was on the point of gratifying his impulse when, as if startled by a +sudden apparition, he drew back, and raised his eyes from the rosy lips +to the hand that rested on the sleeper's brow. + +The lamplight played on a golden ring on Sirona's finger, and shone +brightly on an onyx on which was engraved an image of Tyche, the tutelary +goddess of Antioch, with a sphere upon her head, and bearing Amalthea's +horn in her hand. + +A new and strange emotion took possession of the anchorite at the sight +of this stone. With trembling hands he felt in the breast of his torn +garment, and presently drew forth a small iron crucifix and the ring that +he had taken from the cold hand of Hermas' mother. In the golden circlet +was set an onyx, on which precisely the same device was visible as that +on Sirona's hand. The string with its precious jewel fell from his +grasp, he clutched his matted hair with both hands, groaned deeply, and +repeated again and again, as though to crave forgiveness, the name of +"Magdalen." + +Then he called Sirona in a loud voice, and as she awoke excessively +startled, he asked her in urgent tones: "Who gave you that ring?" + +"It was a present from Phoebicius," replied she. "He said he had had it +given to him many years since in Antioch, and that it had been engraved +by a great artist. But I do not want it any more, and if you like to +have it you may." + +"Throw it away!" exclaimed Paulus, "it will bring you nothing but +misfortune." Then he collected himself, went out into the air with his +head sunk on his breast, and there, throwing himself down on the wet +stones by the hearth, he cried out: + +"Magdalen! dearest and purest! You, when you ceased to be Glycera, +became a saintly martyr, and found the road to heaven; I too had my day +of Damascus--of revelation and conversion--and I dared to call myself by +the name of Paulus--and now--now?" + +Plunged in despair he beat his forehead, groaning out, +"All, all in vain!" + + + + +ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS: + +Can such love be wrong? + + + + + + +HOMO SUM + +By Georg Ebers + +Volume 5. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + +Common natures can only be lightly touched by the immeasurable depth of +anguish that is experienced by a soul that despairs of itself; but the +more heavily the blow of such suffering falls, the more surely does it +work with purifying power on him who has to taste of that cup. + +Paulus thought no more of the fair, sleeping woman; tortured by acute +remorse he lay on the hard stones, feeling that he had striven in vain. +When he had taken Hermas' sin and punishment and disgrace upon himself, +it had seemed to him that he was treading in the very footsteps of the +Saviour. And now?--He felt like one who, while running for a prize, +stumbles over a stone and grovels in the sand when he is already close to +the goal. + +"God sees the will and not the deed," he muttered to himself. "What I +did wrong with regard to Sirona--or what I did not do--that matters not. +When I leaned over her, I had fallen utterly and entirely into the power +of the evil one, and was an ally of the deadliest enemy of Him to whom I +had dedicated my life and soul. Of what avail was my flight from the +world, and my useless sojourn in the desert? He who always keeps out of +the way of the battle can easily boast of being unconquered to the end- +but is he therefore a hero? The palm belongs to him who in the midst of +the struggles and affairs of the world clings to the heavenward road, and +never lets himself be diverted from it; but as for me who walk here +alone, a woman and a boy cross my path, and one threatens and the other +beckons to me, and I forget my aim and stumble into the bog of iniquity. +And so I cannot find--no, here I cannot find what I strive after. But +how then--how? Enlighten me, O Lord, and reveal to me what I must do." + +Thus thinking he rose, knelt down, and prayed fervently; when at last he +came to the 'Amen,' his head was burning, and his tongue parched. + +The clouds had parted, though they still hung in black masses in the +west; from time to time gleams of lightning shone luridly on the horizon +and lighted up the jagged peak of mountain with a flare; the moon had +risen, but its waning disk was frequently obscured by dark driving masses +of cloud; blinding flashes, tender light, and utter darkness were +alternating with bewildering rapidity, when Paulus at last collected +himself, and went down to the spring to drink, and to cool his brow in +the fresh water. Striding from stone to stone he told himself, that ere +he could begin a new life, he must do penance--some heavy penance; but +what was it to be? He was standing at the very margin of the brook, +hemmed in by cliffs, and was bending down to it, but before he had +moistened his lips he drew back: just because he was so thirsty he +resolved to deny himself drink. Hastily, almost vehemently, he turned +his back on the spring, and after this little victory over himself, his +storm-tossed heart seemed a little calmer. Far, far from hence and from +the wilderness and from the Sacred Mountain he felt impelled to fly, and +he would gladly have fled then and there to a distance. Whither should +he flee? It was all the same, for he was in search of suffering, and +suffering, like weeds, grows on every road. And from whom? This +question repeated itself again and again as if he had shouted it in the +very home of echo, and the answer was not hard to find: "It is from +yourself that you would flee. It is your own inmost self that is your +enemy; bury yourself in what desert you will, it will pursue you, and it +would be easier for you to cut off your shadow than to leave that +behind?" + +His whole consciousness was absorbed by this sense of impotency, and now, +after the stormy excitement of the last few hours, the deepest depression +took possession of his mind. Exhausted, unstrung, full of loathing of +himself and life, he sank down on a stone, and thought over the +occurrences of the last few days with perfect impartiality. + +"Of all the fools that ever I met," thought he, "I have gone farthest in +folly, and have thereby led things into a state of confusion which I +myself could not make straight again, even if I were a sage--which I +certainly never shall be any more than a tortoise or a phoenix. I once +heard tell of a hermit who, because it is written that we ought to bury +the dead, and because he had no corpse, slew a traveller that he might +fulfil the commandment: I have acted in exactly the same way, for, in +order to spare another man suffering and to bear the sins of another, +I have plunged an innocent woman into misery, and made myself indeed a +sinner. As soon as it is light I will go down to the oasis and confess +to Petrus and Dorothea what I have done. They will punish me, and I will +honestly help them, so that nothing of the penance that they may lay upon +me may be remitted. The less mercy I show to myself, the more will the +Eternal judge show to me." + +He rose, considered the position of the stars, and when he perceived that +morning was not far off, he prepared to return to Sirona, who was no +longer any more to him than an unhappy woman to whom he owed reparation +for much evil, when a loud cry of distress in the immediate vicinity fell +on his ear. + +He mechanically stooped to pick up a stone for a weapon, and listened. +He knew every rock in the neighborhood of the spring, and when the +strange groan again made itself heard, he knew that it came from a spot +which he knew well and where he had often rested, because a large flat +stone supported by a stout pillar of granite, stood up far above the +surrounding rocks, and afforded protection from the sun, even at noonday, +when not a hand's breath of shade was to be found elsewhere. + +Perhaps some wounded beast had crept under the rock for shelter from the +rain. Paulus went cautiously forward. The groaning sounded louder and +more distinct than before, and beyond a doubt it was the voice of a human +being. + +The anchorite hastily threw away the stone, fell upon his knees, and soon +found on the dry spot of ground under the stone, and in the farthermost +nook of the retreat, a motionless human form. + +"It is most likely a herdsman that has been struck by lightning," thought +he, as he felt with his hands the curly head of the sufferer, and the +strong arms that now bung down powerless. As he raised the injured man, +who still uttered low moans, and supported his head on his broad breast, +the sweet perfume of fine ointment was wafted to him from his hair, and a +fearful suspicion dawned upon his mind. + +"Polykarp!" he cried, while he clasped his hands more tightly round the +body of the sufferer who, thus called upon, moved and muttered a few +unintelligible words; in a low tone, but still much too clearly for +Paulus, for he now knew for certain that be had guessed rightly. With a +loud cry of horror he grasped the youth's powerless form, raised him in +his arms, and carried him like a child to the margin of the spring where +he laid his noble burden down in the moist grass; Polykarp started and +opened his eyes. + +Morning was already dawning, the light clouds on the eastern horizon were +already edged with rosy fringes, and the coming day began to lift the +dark veil from the forms and hues of creation. + +The young man recognized the anchorite, who with trembling hands was +washing the wound at the back of his head, and his eye assumed an angry +glare as he called up all his remaining strength and pushed his attendant +from him. Paulus did not withdraw, he accepted the blow from his victim +as a gift or a greeting, thinking, "Aye, and I only wish you had a dagger +in your hand; I would not resist you." + +The artist's wound was frightfully wide and deep, but the blood had +flowed among his thick curls, and had clotted over the lacerated veins +like a thick dressing. The water with which Paulus now washed his head +reopened them, and renewed the bleeding, and after the one powerful +effort with which Polykarp pushed away his enemy, he fell back senseless +in his arms The wan morning-light added to the pallor of the bloodless +countenance that lay with glazed eyes in the anchorite's lap. + +"He is dying!" murmured Paulus in deadly anguish and with choking +breath, while he looked across the valley and up to the heights, seeking +help. The mountain rose in front of him, its majestic mass glowing in +the rosy dawn, while light translucent vapor floated round the peak where +the Lord had written His laws for His chosen people, and for all peoples, +on tables of stone; it seemed to Paulus that he saw the giant form of +Moses far, far up on its sublimest height and that from his lips in +brazen tones the strictest of all the commandments was thundered down +upon him with awful wrath, "Thou shalt not kill!" + +Paulus clasped his hands before his face in silent despair, while his +victim still lay in his lap. He had closed his eyes, for he dared not +look on the youth's pale countenance, and still less dared he look up at +the mountain; but the brazen voice from the height did not cease, and +sounded louder and louder; half beside himself with excitement, in his +inward ear he heard it still, "Thou shalt not kill!" and then again, +"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife!" a third time, "Thou shalt +not commit adultery!" and at last a fourth, "Thou shalt have none other +gods but me!" + +He that sins against one of those laws is damned; and he--he had broken +them all, broken them while striving to tread the thorny path to a life +of blessedness. + +Suddenly and wildly he threw his arms up to heaven, and sighing deeply, +gazed up at the sacred hill. + +What was that? On the topmost peak of Sinai whence the Pharanite +sentinels were accustomed to watch the distance, a handkerchief was +waving as a signal that the enemy were approaching. + +He could not be mistaken, and as in the face of approaching danger he +collected himself and recovered his powers of thought and deliberation, +his ear distinctly caught the mighty floods of stirring sound that came +over the mountain, from the brazen cymbals struck by the watchmen to warn +the inhabitants of the oasis, and the anchorites. + +Was Hermas returned? Had the Blemmyes outstripped him? From what +quarter were the marauding hosts coming on? Could he venture to remain +here near his victim, or was it his duty to use his powerful arms in +defence of his helpless companions? In agonized doubt he looked down at +the youth's pallid features, and deep, sorrowful compassion filled his +mind. + +How promising was this young tree of humanity that his rough fist had +broken off! and these brown curls had only yesterday been stroked by a +mother's hand. His eyes filled with tears, and he bent as tenderly as a +father might over the pale face, and pressed a gentle kiss on the +bloodless lips of the senseless youth. A thrill of joy shot through him, +for Polykarp's lips were indeed not cold, he moved his hand, and now--the +Lord be praised! he actually opened his eyes. + +"And I am not a murderer!" A thousand voices seem to sing with joy in +his heart, and then he thought to himself, "First I will carry him down +to his parents in the oasis, and then go up to the brethren." + +But the brazen signals rang out with renewed power, and the stillness of +the holy wilderness was broken here by the clatter of men's voices, there +by a blast of trumpets, and there again by stifled cries. It was as if a +charm had given life to the rocks and lent their voices; as if noise and +clamor were rushing like wild torrents down every gorge and cleft of the +mountainside. + +"It is too late," sighed the anchorite. "If I only could--if I only +knew--" + +"Hallo! hallo! holy Paulus!" a shrill woman's voice which seemed to come +from high up in the air rang out joyful and triumphant, interrupting the +irresolute man's meditations, "Hermas is alive! Hermas is here again! +Only look up at the heights. There flies the standard, for he has warned +the sentinels. The Blemmyes are coming on, and he sent me to seek you. +You must come to the strong tower on the western side of the ravine. +Make haste! come at once! Do you hear? He told me to tell you. But the +man in your lap--it is--yes, it is--" + +"It is your master's son Polykarp," Paulus called back to her. "He is +hurt unto death; hurry down to the oasis, and tell the senator, tell Dame +Dorothea--" + +"I have something else to do now," interrupted the shepherdess. "Hermas +has sent me to warn Gelasius, Psoes, and Dulas, and if I went down into +the oasis they would lock me up, and not let me come up the mountain +again. What has happened to the poor fellow? But it is all the same: +there is something else for you to do besides grieving over a hole in +Polykarp's head. Go up to the tower, I tell you, and let him lie--or +carry him up with you into your new den, and hand him over to your +sweetheart to nurse." + +"Demon!" exclaimed Paulus, taking up a stone. + +"Let him he!" repeated Miriam. "I will betray her hiding-place to +Phoebicius, if you do not do as Dermas orders you. Now I am off to call +the others, and we shall meet again at the tower. And you had better not +linger too long with your fair companion--pious Paulus--saintly Paulus!" + +And laughing loudly, she sprang away from rock to rock as if borne up by +the air. + +The Alexandrian looked wrathfully after her; but her advice did not seem +to be bad, he lifted the wounded man on his shoulders, and hastily +carried him up towards his cave; but before he could reach it he heard +steps, and a loud agonized scream, and in a few seconds Sirona was by his +side, crying in passionate grief, "It is he, it is he-and oh, to see him +thus!--But he must live, for if he were dead your God of Love would be +inexorable, pitiless, hard, cruel--it would be--" + +She could say no more, for tears choked her voice, and Paulus, without +listening to her lamentation, passed quickly on in front of her, entered +the cave and laid the unconscious man down on the couch, saying gravely +but kindly, as Sirona threw herself on her knees and pressed the young +man's powerless hand to her lips, "If indeed you truly love him, cease +crying and lamenting. He yesterday got a severe wound on his head; I +have washed it, now do you bind it up with care, and keep it constantly +cool with fresh water. You know your way to the spring; when he recovers +his senses rub his feet, and give him some bread and a few drops of the +wine which you will find in the little cellar hard by; there is some oil +there too, which you will need for a light. + +"I must go up to the brethren, and if I do not return to-morrow, give the +poor lad over to his mother to nurse. Only tell her this, that I, +Paulus, gave him this wound in a moment of rage, and to forgive me if she +can, she and Petrus. And you too forgive me that in which I have sinned +against you, and if I should fall in the battle which awaits us, pray +that the Lord may not be too hard upon me in the day of judgment, for my +sins are great and many." + +At this moment the sound of the trumpets sounded even into the deepest +recess of the cave. Sirona started. "That is the Roman tuba," she +exclaimed. "I know the sound--Phoebicius is coming this way." + +"He is doing his duty," replied Paulus. "And still, one thing more. I +saw last night a ring on your hand--an onyx." + +"There it lies," said Sirona; and she pointed to the farthest corner of +the cave, where it lay on the dusty soil. + +"Let it remain there," Paulus begged of her; he bent over the senseless +man once more to kiss his forehead, raised his hand towards Sirona in +sign of blessing, and rushed out into the open air. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + +Two paths led over the mountain from the oasis to the sea; both followed +deep and stony gorges, one of which was named the "short cut," because +the traveller reached his destination more quickly by that road than by +following the better road in the other ravine, which was practicable for +beasts of burden. Half-way up the height the "short cut" opened out on a +little plateau, whose western side was shut in by a high mass of rock +with steep and precipitous flanks. At the top of this rock stood a tower +built of rough blocks, in which the anchorites were wont to take refuge +when they were threatened with a descent of their foes. + +The position of this castle--as the penitents proudly styled their tower +--was well-chosen, for from its summit they commanded not only the "short +cut" to the oasis, but also the narrow shell-strewn strip of desert which +divided the western declivity of the Holy Mountain from the shore, the +blue-green waters of the sea, and the distant chain of hills on the +African coast. + +Whatever approached the tower, whether from afar or from the +neighborhood, was at once espied by them, and the side of the rock which +was turned to the roadway was so precipitous and smooth that it remained +inaccessible even to the natives of the desert, who, with their naked +feet and sinewy arms, could climb points which even the wild goat and the +jackal made a circuit to avoid. It was more accessible from the other +side, and in order to secure that, a very strong wall had been built, +which enclosed the level on which the castle stood in the form of a +horseshoe, of which the ends abutted on the declivity of the short road. +This structure was so roughly and inartistically heaped together that it +looked as if formed by nature rather than by the hand of man. The rough +and unfinished appearance of this wall-like heap of stones was heightened +by the quantity of large and small pieces of granite which were piled on +the top of it, and which had been collected by the anchorites, in case of +an incursion, to roll and hurl down on the invading robbers. A cistern +had been dug out of the rocky soil of the plateau which the wall +enclosed, and care was taken to keep it constantly filled with water. + +Such precautions were absolutely necessary, for the anchorites were +threatened with dangers from two sides. First from the Ishmaelite hordes +of Saracens who fell upon them from the east, and secondly from the +Blemmyes, the wild inhabitants of the desert country which borders the +fertile lands of Egypt and Nubia, and particularly of the barren +highlands that part the Red Sea from the Nile valley; they crossed the +sea in light skiffs, and then poured over the mountain like a swarm of +locusts. + +The little stores and savings which the defenceless hermits treasured in +their caves had tempted the Blemmyes again and again, in spite of the +Roman garrison in Pharan, which usually made its appearance on the scene +of their incursion long after they had disappeared with their scanty +booty. Not many months since, the raid had been effected in which old +Stephanus had been wounded by an arrow, and there was every reason to +hope that the wild marauders would not return very soon, for Phoebicius, +the commander of the Roman maniple in the oasis, was swift and vigorous +in his office, and though he had not succeeded in protecting the +anchorites from all damage, he had followed up the Blemmyes, who fled at +his approach, and cut them off from rejoining their boats. A battle took +place between the barbarians and the Romans, not far from the coast on +the desert tract dividing the hills from the sea, which resulted in the +total annihilation of the wild tribes and gave ground to hope that such a +lesson might serve as a warning to the sons of the desert. But if +hitherto the more easily quelled promptings of covetousness had led them +to cross the sea, they were now animated by the most sacred of all +duties, by the law which required them to avenge the blood of their +fathers and brothers, and they dared to plan a fresh incursion in which +they should put forth all their resources. They were at the same time +obliged to exercise the greatest caution, and collected their forces of +young men in the valleys that lay hidden in the long range of coast- +hills. + +The passage of the narrow arm of the sea that parted them from Arabia +Petraea, was to be effected in the first dark night; the sun, this +evening, had set behind heavy storm-clouds that had discharged themselves +in violent rain and had obscured the light of the waning moon. So they +drew their boats and rafts down to the sea, and, unobserved by the +sentinels on the mountain who had taken shelter from the storm under +their little penthouses, they would have reached the opposite shore, the +mountain, and perhaps even the oasis, if some one had not warned the +anchorites--and that some one was Hermas. + +Obedient to the commands of Paulus, the lad had appropriated three of his +friend's gold pieces, had provided himself with a bow and arrows and some +bread, and then, after muttering a farewell to his father who was asleep +in his cave, he set out for Raithu. Happy in the sense of his strength +and manhood, proud of the task which had been set him and which he deemed +worthy of a future soldier, and cheerfully ready to fulfil it even at the +cost of his life, he hastened forward in the bright moonlight. He +quitted the path at the spot where, to render the ascent possible even to +the vigorous desert-travellers, it took a zigzag line, and clambered from +rock to rock, up and down in a direct line; when he came to a level spot +he flew on as if pursuers were at his heels. After sunrise he refreshed +himself with a morsel of food, and then hurried on again, not heeding the +heat of noon, nor that of the soft sand in which his foot sank as he +followed the line of the sea-coast. + +Thus passionately hurrying onwards he thought neither of Sirona nor of +his past life--only of the hills on the farther shore and of the +Blemmyes--how he should best surprise them, and, when he had learnt their +plans, how he might recross the sea and return to his own people. At +last, as he got more and more weary, as the heat of the sun grew more +oppressive, and as the blood rushed more painfully to his heart and began +to throb more rapidly in his temples, be lost all power of thought, and +that which dwelt in his mind was no more than a dumb longing to reach his +destination as soon as possible. + +It was the third afternoon when he saw from afar the palms of Raithu, and +hurried on with revived strength. Before the sun had set he had informed +the anchorite, to whom Paulus had directed him, that the Alexandrian +declined their call, and was minded to remain on the Holy Mountain. + +Then Hermas proceeded to the little harbor, to bargain with the fishermen +of the place for the boat which he needed While he was talking with an +old Amalekite boatman, who, with his black-eyed sons, was arranging his +nets, two riders came at a quick pace towards the bay in which a large +merchant-ship lay at anchor, surrounded by little barks. The fisherman +pointed to it. + +"It is waiting for the caravan from Petra," he said. "There, on the +dromedary, is the emperor's great warrior who commands the Romans in +Pharan." + +Hermas saw Phoebicius for the first time, and as he rode up towards him +and the fisherman he started; if he had followed his first impulse, he +would have turned and have taken to flight, but his clear eyes had met +the dull and searching glance of the centurion, and, blushing at his own +weakness, he stood still with his arms crossed, and proudly and defiantly +awaited the Gaul who with his companion came straight up to him. + +Talib had previously seen the youth by his father's side; he recognized +him and asked how long he had been there, and if he had come direct from +the mountain. Hermas answered him as was becoming, and understood at +once that it was not he that the centurion was seeking. + +Perfectly reassured and not without curiosity he looked at the new-comer, +and a smile curled his lips as he observed that the lean old man, +exhausted by his long and hurried ride, could scarcely hold himself on +his beast, and at the same time it struck him that this pitiable old man +was the husband of the blooming and youthful Sirona. Far from feeling +any remorse for his intrusion into this man's house, he yielded entirely +to the audacious humor with which his aspect filled him, and when +Phoebicius himself asked him as to whether he had not met on his way with +a fair-haired woman and a limping greyhound, he replied, repressing his +laughter with difficulty: + +"Aye, indeed! I did see such a woman and her dog, but I do not think it +was lame." + +"Where did you see her?" asked Phoebicius hastily. Hermas colored, for +he was obliged to tell an untruth, and it might be that he would do +Sirona an injury by giving false information. He therefore ventured to +give no decided answer, but enquired, "Has the woman committed some crime +that you are pursuing her?" + +"A great one!" replied Talib, "she is my lord's wife, and--" + +What she has done wrong concerns me alone,' said Phoebicius, sharply +interrupting his companion. "I hope this fellow saw better than you who +took the crying woman with a child, from Aila, for Sirona. What is your +name, boy?" + +"Hermas," answered the lad. "And who are you, pray?" + +The Gaul's lips were parted for an angry reply, but he suppressed it and +said, "I am the emperor's centurion, and I ask you, what did the woman +look like whom you saw, and where did you meet her?" + +The soldier's fierce looks, and his captain's words showed Hermas that +the fugitive woman had nothing good to expect if she were caught, and as +he was not in the least inclined to assist her pursuers he hastily +replied, giving the reins to his audacity, "I at any rate did not meet +the person whom you seek; the woman I saw is certainly not this man's +wife, for she might very well be his granddaughter. She had gold hair, +and a rosy face, and the greyhound that followed her was called Iambe." + +"Where did you meet her?" shrieked the centurion. + +"In the fishing-village at the foot of the mountain," replied Hermas. +"She got into a boat, and away it went!" + +"Towards the north?" asked the Gaul. + +"I think so," replied Hermas, "but I do not know, for I was in a hurry, +and could not look after her." + +"Then we will try to take her in Klysma," cried Phoebicius to the +Amalekite. "If only there were horses in this accursed desert!" + +"It is four days' journey," said Talib considering. "And beyond Elim +there is no water before the Wells of Moses. Certainly if we could get +good dromedaries--" + +"And if," interrupted Hermas, "it were not better that you, my lord +centurion, should not go so far from the oasis. For over there they say +that the Blemmyes are gathering, and I myself am going across as a spy so +soon as it is dark." + +Phoebicius looked down gloomily considering the matter. The news had +reached him too that the sons of the desert were preparing for a new +incursion, and he cried to Talib angrily but decidedly, as he turned his +back upon Hermas, "You must ride alone to Klysma, and try to capture her. +I cannot and will not neglect my duty for the sake of the wretched +woman." + +Hermas looked after him as he went away, and laughed out loud when he saw +him disappear into his inn. He hired a boat from the old man for his +passage across the sea for one of the gold pieces given him by Paulus, +and lying down on the nets he refreshed him self by a deep sleep of some +hours' duration. When the moon rose he was roused in obedience to his +orders, and helped the boy who accompanied him, and who understood the +management of the sails and rudder, to push the boat, which was laid up +on the sand, down into the sea. Soon he was flying over the smooth and +glistening waters before a light wind, and he felt as fresh and strong in +spirit as a young eagle that has just left the nest, and spreads its +mighty wings for the first time. He could have shouted in his new and +delicious sense of freedom, and the boy at the stern shook his head in +astonishment when he saw Hermas wield the oars he had entrusted to him, +unskilfully it is true, but with mighty strokes. + +"The wind is in our favor," he called out to the anchorite as he hauled +round the sail with the rope in his hand, "we shall get on without your +working so hard. You may save your strength." + +"There is plenty of it, and I need not be stingy of it," answered Hermas, +and he bent forward for another powerful stroke. + +About half-way he took a rest, and admired the reflection of the moon in +the bright mirror of the water, and he could not but think of Petrus' +court-yard that had shone in the same silvery light when he had climbed +up to Sirona's window. The image of the fair, whitearmed woman recurred +to his mind, and a melancholy longing began to creep over him. + +He sighed softly, again and yet again; but as his breast heaved for the +third bitter sigh, he remembered the object of his journey and his broken +fetters, and with eager arrogance he struck the oar flat on to the water +so that it spurted high up, and sprinkled the boat and him with a shower +of wet and twinkling diamond drops. He began to work the oars again, +reflecting as he did so, that he had something better to do than to think +of a woman. Indeed, he found it easy to forget Sirona completely, for in +the next few days he went through every excitement of a warrior's life. + +Scarcely two hours after his start from Raithu he was standing on the +soil of another continent, and, after finding a hiding-place for his +boat, he slipped off among the hills to watch the movements of the +Blemmyes. The very first day he went up to the valley in which they were +gathering; on the second, after being many times seen and pursued, he +succeeded in seizing a warrior who had been sent out to reconnoitre, and +in carrying him off with him; he bound him, and by heavy threats learned +many things from him. + +The number of their collected enemies was great, but Hermas had hopes of +outstripping them, for his prisoner revealed to him the spot where their +boats, drawn up on shore, lay hidden under sand and stones. + +As soon as it was dusk, the anchorite in his boat went towards the place +of embarkation, and when the Blemmyes, in the darkness of midnight, drew +their first bark into the water, Hermas sailed off ahead of the enemy, +landed in much danger below the western declivity of the mountain, and +hastened up towards Sinai to warn the Pharanite watchmen on the beacon. + +He gained the top of the difficult peak before sunrise, roused the lazy +sentinels who had left their posts, and before they were able to mount +guard, to hoist the flags or to begin to sound the brazen cymbals, he had +hurried on down the valley to his father's cave. + +Since his disappearance Miriam had incessantly hovered round Stephanus' +dwelling, and had fetched fresh water for the old man every morning, noon +and evening, even after a new nurse, who was clumsier and more peevish, +had taken Paulus' place. She lived on roots, and on the bread the sick +man gave her, and at night she lay down to sleep in a deep dry cleft of +the rock that she had long known well. She quitted her hard bed before +daybreak to refill the old man's pitcher, and to chatter to him about +Hermas. + +She was a willing servant to Stephanus because as often as she went to +him, she could hear his son's name from his lips, and he rejoiced at her +coming because she always gave him the opportunity of talking of Hermas. + +For many weeks the sick man had been so accustomed to let himself be +waited on that he accepted the shepherdess's good offices as a matter of +course, and she never attempted to account to herself for her readiness +to serve him. Stephanus would have suffered in dispensing with her, and +to her, her visits to the well and her conversations with the old man had +become a need, nay a necessity, for she still was ignorant whether Hermas +was yet alive, or whether Phoebicius had killed him in consequence of her +betrayal. Perhaps all that Stephanus told her of his son's journey of +investigation was an invention of Paulus to spare the sick man, and +accustom him gradually to the loss of his child; and yet she was only too +willing to believe that Hermas still lived, and she quitted the +neighborhood of the cave as late as possible, and filled the sick man's +water-jar before the sun was up, only because she said to herself that +the fugitive on his return would seek no one else so soon as his father. + +She had not one really quiet moment, for if a falling stone, an +approaching footstep, or the cry of a beast broke the stillness of the +desert she at once hid herself, and listened with a beating heart; much +less from fear of Petrus her master, from whom she had run away, than in +the expectation of hearing the step of the man whom she had betrayed into +the hand of his enemy, and for whom she nevertheless painfully longed day +and night. + +As often as she lingered by the spring she wetted her stubborn hair to +smooth it, and washed her face with as much zeal as if she thought she +should succeed in washing the dark hue out of her skin. And all this she +did for him, that on his return she might charm him as much as the white +woman in the oasis, whom she hated as fiercely as she loved him +passionately. + +During the heavy storm of last night a torrent from the mountain-height +had shed itself into her retreat and had driven her out of it. Wet +through, shelterless, tormented by remorse, fear and longing, she had +clambered from stone to stone, and sought refuge and peace under first +one rock and then another; thus she had been attracted by the glimmer of +light that shone out of the new dwelling of the pious Paulus; she had +seen and recognized the Alexandrian, but he had not observed her as he +cowered on the ground near his hearth deeply sunk in thought. + +She knew now where the excommunicated man dwelt after whom Stephanus +often asked, and she had gathered from the old man's lamentations and +dark hints, that Paulus too had been ensnared and brought to ruin by her +enemy. + +As the morning-star began to pale Miriam went up to Stephanus' cave; her +heart was full of tears, and yet she was unable to pour out her need and +suffering in a soothing flood of weeping; she was wholly possessed with a +wild desire to sink down on the earth there and die, and to be released +by death from her relentless, driving torment. But it was still too +early to disturb the old man--and yet--she must hear a human voice, one +word--even if it were a hard word--from the lips of a human being; for +the bewildering feeling of distraction which confused her mind, and the +misery of abandonment that crushed her heart, were all too cruelly +painful to be borne. + +She was standing by the entrance to the cave when, high above her head, +she heard the falling of stones and the cry of a human voice. She +started and listened with out-stretched neck and strung sinews, +motionless. Then she broke suddenly into a loud and piercing shout of +joy, and flinging up her arms she flew up the mountain towards a +traveller who came swiftly down to meet her. + +"Hermas! Hermas!" she shouted, and all the sunny delight of her heart +was reflected in her cry so clearly and purely that the sympathetic +chords in the young man's soul echoed the sound, and he hailed her with +joyful welcome. + +He had never before greeted her thus, and the tone of his voice revived +her poor crushed heart like a restorative draught offered by a tender +hand to the lips of the dying. Exquisite delight, and a glow of +gratitude such as she had never before felt flooded her soul, and as he +was so good to her she longed to show him that she had something to offer +in return for the gift of friendship which he offered her. So the first +thing she said to him was, "I have staid constantly near your father, and +have brought him water early and late, as much as he needed." + +She blushed as she thus for the first time praised herself to him, but +Hermas exclaimed, "That is a good girl! and I will not forget it. You +are a wild, silly thing, but I believe that you are to be relied on by +those to whom you feel kindly." + +"Only try me," cried Miriam holding out her hand to him. He took it, and +as they went on together he said: + +"Do you hear the brass? I have warned the watchmen up there; the +Blemmyes are coming. Is Paulus with my father?" + +"No, but I know where he is." + +"Then you must call him," said the young man. "Him first and then +Gelasius, and Psoes, and Dulas, and any more of the penitents that you +can find. They must all go to the castle by the ravine. Now I will go +to my father; you hurry on and show that you are to be trusted." As he +spoke he put his arm round her waist, but she slipped shyly away, and +calling out, "I will take them all the message," she hurried off. + +In front of the cave where she had hoped to meet with Paulus she found +Sirona; she did not stop with her, but contented herself with laughing +wildly and calling out words of abuse. + +Guided by the idea that she should find the Alexandrian at the nearest +well, she went on and called him, then hurrying on from cave to cave she +delivered her message in Hermas' name, happy to serve him. + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + +They were all collected behind the rough wall on the edge of the ravine- +the strange men who had turned their back on life with all its joys and +pails, its duties and its delights, on the community and family to which +they belonged, and had fled to the desert, there to strive for a prize +above and beyond this life, when they had of their own free-will +renounced all other effort. In the voiceless desert, far from the +enticing echoes of the world, it might be easy to kill every sensual +impulse, to throw off the fetters of the world, and so bring that +humanity, which was bound to the dust through sin and the flesh, nearer +to the pure and incorporate being of the Divinity. + +All these men were Christians, and, like the Saviour who had freely taken +torments upon Himself to become the Redeemer, they too sought through the +purifying power of suffering to free themselves from the dross of their +impure human nature, and by severe penance to contribute their share of +atonement for their own guilt, and for that of all their race. No fear +of persecution had driven them into the desert--nothing but the hope of +gaining the hardest of victories. + +All the anchorites who had been summoned to the tower were Egyptians and +Syrians, and among the former particularly there were many who, being +already inured to abstinence and penance in the service of the old gods +in their own country, now as Christians had selected as the scene of +their pious exercises the very spot where the Lord must have revealed +Himself to his elect. + +At a later date not merely Sinai itself but the whole tract of Arabia +Petraea--through which, as it was said, the Jews at their exodus under +Moses had wandered--was peopled with ascetics of like mind, who gave to +their settlements the names of the resting-places of the chosen people, +as mentioned in the Scriptures; but as yet there was no connection +between the individual penitents, no order ruled their lives; they might +still be counted by tens, though ere long they numbered hundreds and +thousands. + +The threat of danger had brought all these contemners of the world and of +life in stormy haste to the shelter of the tower, in spite of their +readiness to die. Only old Kosmas, who had withdrawn to the desert with +his wife--she had found a grave there--had remained in his cave, and had +declared to Gelasius, who shared his cave and who had urged him to +flight, that he was content in whatever place or whatever hour the Lord +should call him, and that it was in God's hands to decide whether old age +or an arrow-shot should open to him the gates of heaven. + +It was quite otherwise with the rest of the anchorites, who rushed +through the narrow door of the watchtower and into its inner room till it +was filled to overflowing, and Paulus, who in the presence of danger had +fully recovered his equanimity, was obliged to refuse admission to a new- +comer in order to preserve the closely packed and trembling crowd from +injury. + +No murrain passes from beast to beast, no mildew from fruit to fruit with +such rapidity as fear spreads from man to man. Those who had been driven +by the sharpest lashings of terror had run the fastest, and reached the +castle first. They had received those who followed them with lamentation +and outcries, and it was a pitiable sight to see how the terrified crowd, +in the midst of their loud declarations of resignation to God's guidance +and their pious prayers, wrung their hands, and at the same time how +painfully anxious each one was to hide the little property he had saved +first from the disapproval of his companions, and then from the +covetousness of the approaching enemy. + +With Paulus came Sergius and Jeremias to whom, on the way, he had spoken +words of encouragement. All three did their utmost to revive the +confidence of the terrified men, and when the Alexandrian reminded them +how zealously each of them only a few weeks since had helped to roll the +blocks and stones from the wall, and down the precipice, so as to crush +and slay the advancing enemy the feeling was strong in many of them that, +as he had already proved himself worthy in defence, it was due to him now +to make him their leader. + +The number of the men who rushed out of the tower was increasing, and +when Hermas appeared with his father on his back and followed by Miriam, +and when Paulus exhorted his companions to be edified by this pathetic +picture of filial love, curiosity tempted even the last loiterers in the +tower out into the open space. + +The Alexandrian sprang over the wall, went up to Stephanus, lifted him +from the shoulders of the panting youth and, taking him on his own, +carried him towards the tower; but the old warrior refused to enter the +place of refuge, and begged his friend to lay him down by the wall. +Paulus obeyed his wish and then went with Hermas to the top of the tower +to spy the distance from thence. + +As soon as he had quitted him, Stephanus turned to the anchorites who +stood near him, saying, "These stones are loose, and though my strength +is indeed small still it is great enough to send one of them over with a +push. If it comes to a battle my old soldier's eyes, dim as they are +now, may with the help of yours see many things that may be useful to you +young ones. Above all things, if the game is to be a hot one for the +robbers, one must command here whom the others will obey." + +"It shall be you, father," interrupted Salathiel the Syrian. "You have +served in Caesar's army, and you proved your courage and knowledge of war +in the last raid. You shall command us." + +Stephanus sadly shook his head and replied, "My voice is become too weak +and low since this wound in my breast and my long illness. Not even +those who stand nearest to me would understand me in the noise of battle. +Let Paulus be your captain, for he is strong, cautious and brave." + +Many of the anchorites had long looked upon the Alexandrian as their best +stay; for many years he had enjoyed the respect of all and on a thousand +occasions had given proof of his strength and presence of mind, but at +this proposal they looked at each other in surprise, doubt and +disapproval. + +Stephanus saw what was passing in their minds. + +"It is true he has erred gravely," he said. "And before God he is the +least of the least among us; but in animal strength and indomitable +courage he is superior to you all. Which of you would be willing to take +his place, if you reject his guidance." + +"Orion the Saite," cried one of the anchorites, "is tall and strong. If +he would--" + +But Orion eagerly excused himself from assuming the dangerous office, and +when Andreas and Joseph also refused with no less decision the leadership +that was offered them, Stephanus said: + +"You see there is no choice left us but to be, the Alexandrian to command +us here so long as the robbers threaten us, and no longer. There he +comes--shall I ask him?" + +A murmur of consent, though by no means of satisfaction, answered the old +man, and Paulus, quite carried away by his eagerness to stake his life +and blood for the protection of the weak, and fevered with a soldier's +ardor, accepted Stephanus' commission as a matter of course, and set to +work like a general to organize the helpless wearers of sheepskin. + +Some he sent to the top of the tower to keep watch, others he charged +with the transport of the stones; to a third party he entrusted the duty +of hurling pieces of rock and blocks of stone down into the abyss in the +moment of danger; he requested the weaker brethren to assemble themselves +together, to pray for the others and to sing hymns of praise, and he +concerted signs and passwords with all; he was now here, now there, and +his energy and confidence infused themselves even into the faint-hearted. + +In the midst of these arrangements Hermas took leave of him and of his +father, for he heard the Roman war-trumpets and the drums of the young +manhood of Pharan, as they marched through the short cut to meet the +enemy. He knew where the main strength of the Blemmyes lay and +communicated this knowledge to the Centurion Phoebicius and the captain +of the Pharanites. The Gaul put a few short questions to Hermas, whom he +recognized immediately, for since he had met him at the harbor of Raithu +he could not forget his eyes, which reminded him of those of Glycera; and +after receiving his hasty and decided answers he issued rapid and prudent +orders. + +A third of the Pharanites were to march forward against the enemy, +drumming and trumpeting, and then retreat as far as the watch-tower as +the enemy approached over the plain. If the Blemmyes allowed themselves +to be tempted thither, a second third of the warriors of the oasis, that +could easily be in ambush in a cross-valley, were to fall on their left +flank, while Phoebicius and his maniple--hidden behind the rock on which +the castle stood--would suddenly rush out and so decide the battle. The +last third of the Pharanites had orders to destroy the ships of the +invaders under the command of Hermas, who knew the spot where they had +landed. + +In the worst case the centurion and his men could retreat into the +castle, and there defend themselves till the warriors of the nearest +seaports--whither messengers were already on their way--should come to +the rescue. + +The Gaul's orders were immediately obeyed, and Hermas walked at the head +of the division entrusted to him, as proud and as self-possessed as any +of Caesar's veterans leading his legion into the field. He carried a bow +and arrows at his back, and in his hand a battleaxe that he had bought at +Raithu. + +Miriam attempted to follow the troops he was leading, but he observed +her, and called out, "Go up to the fort, child, to my father." And the +shepherdess obeyed without hesitation. + +The anchorites had all crowded to the edge of the precipice, they looked +at the division of the forces, and signed and shouted down. They had +hoped that some part of the fighting men would be joined to them for +their defence, but, as they soon learned, they had hoped in vain. +Stephanus, whose feeble sight could not reach so far as the plain at the +foot of the declivity, made Paulus report to him all that was going on +there, and with the keen insight of a soldier he comprehended the +centurion's plan. The troop led by Hermas passed by below the tower, and +the youth waved and shouted a greeting up to his father. Stephanus, +whose hearing remained sharper than his sight, recognized his son's voice +and took leave of him with tender and loving words in as loud a voice as +he could command. Paulus collected all the overflow of the old man's +heart in one sentence, and called out his blessings through his two hands +as a speaking-trumpet, after his friend's son as he departed to battle. +Hermas understood; but deeply as he was touched by this farewell he +answered only by dumb signs. A father can find a hundred words of +blessing sooner than a son can find one of thanks. + +As the youth disappeared behind the rocks, Paulus said, "He marches on +like an experienced soldier, and the others follow him as sheep follow a +ram. But hark!--Certainly--the foremost division of the Pharanites and +the enemy have met. The outcry comes nearer and nearer." + +"Then all will be well," cried Stephanus excitedly. "If they only take +the bait and let themselves be drawn on to the plateau I think they are +lost. From here we can watch the whole progress of the battle, and if +our side are driven back it may easily happen that they will throw +themselves into the castle. Now not a pebble must be thrown in vain, for +if our tower becomes the central point of the struggle the defenders will +need stones to fling." + +These words were heard by several of the anchorites, and as now the war- +cries and the noise of the fight came nearer and nearer, and one and +another repeated to each other that their place of refuge would, become +the centre of the combat, the frightened penitents quitted the posts +assigned to them by Paulus, ran hither and thither in spite of the +Alexandrian's severe prohibition, and most of them at last joined the +company of the old and feeble, whose psalms grew more and more lamentable +as danger pressed closer upon them. + +Loudest of all was the wailing of the Saite Orion who cried with uplifted +bands, "What wilt Thou of us miserable creatures, O Lord? When Moses +left Thy chosen people on this very spot for only forty days, they at +once fell away from Thee; and we, we without any leader have spent all +our life in Thy service, and have given up all that can rejoice the +heart, and have taken every kind of suffering upon us to please Thee! +and now these hideous heathen are surging round us again, and will kill +us. Is this the reward of victory for our striving and our long +wrestling?" + +The rest joined in the lamentation of the Saite, but Paulus stepped into +their midst, blamed them for their cowardice, and with warm and urgent +speech implored them to return to their posts so that the wall might be +guarded at least on the eastern and more accessible side, and that the +castle might not fall an easy prey into the hands of an enemy from whom +no quarter was to be expected. Some of the anchorites were already +proceeding to obey the Alexandrian's injunction, when a fearful cry, the +war-cry of the Blemmyes who were in pursuit of the Pharanites, rose from +the foot of their rock of refuge. + +They crowded together again in terror; Salathiel the Syrian, had ventured +to the edge of the abyss, and had looked over old Stephanus' shoulder +down into the hollow, and when he rushed back to his companions, crying +in terror, "Our men are flying!" + +Gelasius shrieked aloud, beat his breast, and tore his rough black hair, +crying out: + +"O Lord God, what wilt Thou of us? Is it vain then to strive after +righteousness and virtue that Thou givest us over unto death, and dost +not fight for us? If we are overcome by the heathen, ungodliness and +brute force will boast themselves as though they had won the victory over +righteousness and truth!" + +Paulus had turned from the lamenting hermits, perplexed and beside +himself, and stood with Stephanus watching the fight. + +The Blemmyes had come in great numbers, and their attack, before which +the Pharanites were to have retired as a feint, fell with such force upon +the foremost division that they and their comrades, who had rushed to +their aid on the plateau, were unable to resist it, and were driven back +as far as the spot where the ravine narrowed. + +"Things are not as they should be," said Stephanus. "And the cowardly +band, like a drove of cattle," cried Paulus in a fury, "leave the walls +unprotected, and blaspheme God instead of watching or fighting." + +The anchorites noticed his gestures, which were indeed those of a +desperate man, and Sergius exclaimed: "Are we then wholly abandoned? Why +does not the thorn-bush light its fires, and destroy the evil-doers with +its flames? Why is the thunder silent, and where are the lightnings that +played round the peak of Sinai? + +"Why does not darkness fall upon us to affright the heathen? Why does not +the earth open her mouth to swallow them up like the company of Korah?" + +"The Might of God," cried Dulas, "tarries too long. The Lord must set +our piety in a doubtful light, for He treats us as though we were +unworthy of all care." + +"And that you are!" exclaimed Paulus, who had heard the last words, and +who was dragging rather than leading the feeble Stephanus to the +unguarded eastern wall. "That you are, for instead of resisting His +enemies you blaspheme God, and disgrace yourself by your miserable +cowardice. Look at this sick old man who is prepared to defend you, and +obey my orders without a murmur, or, by the holy martyrs, I will drag you +to your posts by your hair and ears, and will--" + +But he ceased speaking, for his threats were interrupted by a powerful +voice which called his name from the foot of the wall. + +"That is Agapitus," exclaimed Stephanus. "Lead me to the wall, and set +me down there." + +Before Paulus could accede to his friend's wish the tall form of the +bishop was standing by his side. Agapitus the Cappadocian had in his +youth been a warrior; he had hardly passed the limits of middle age, and +was a vigilant captain of his congregation. When all the youth of Pharan +had gone forth to meet the Blemmyes, he had no peace in the oasis, and, +after enjoining on the presbyters and deacons that they should pray in +the church for the fighting men with the women and the men who remained +behind, he himself, accompanied by a guide and two acolytes, had gone up +the mountain to witness the battle. + +To the other priests and his wife who sought to detain him, he had +answered, "Where the flock is there should the shepherd be!" + +Unseen and unheard he had gained the castle-wall and had been a witness +to Paulus' vehement speech. He now stood opposite the Alexandrian with +rolling eyes, and threateningly lifted his powerful hand as he called out +to him: + +"And dare an outcast speak thus to his brethren? Will the champion of +Satan give orders to the soldiers of the Lord? It would indeed be a joy +to you if by your strong arm you could win back the good name that your +soul, crippled by sin and guilt, has flung away. Come on, my friends! +the Lord is with us and will help us." + +Paulus had let the bishop's words pass over him in silence, and raised +his hands like the other anchorites when Agapitus stepped into their +midst, and uttered a short and urgent prayer. + +After the "Amen" the bishop pointed out, like a general, to each man, +even to the feeble and aged, his place by the wall or behind the stones +for throwing, and then cried out with a clear ringing voice that sounded +above all other noise, "Show to-day that you are indeed soldiers of the +Most High." + +Not one rebelled, and when man by man each had placed himself at his +post, he went to the precipice and looked attentively down at the fight +that was raging below. + +The Pharanites were now opposing the attack of the Blemmyes with success, +for Phoebicius, rushing forward with his men from their ambush, had +fallen upon the compact mass of the sons of the desert in flank and, +spreading death and ruin, had divided them into two bodies. The well- +trained and well-armed Romans seemed to have an easy task with their +naked opponents, who, in a hand to hand fight, could not avail themselves +of either their arrows or their spears. But the Blemmyes had learned to +use their strength in frequent battles with the imperial troops, and so +soon as they perceived that they were no match for their enemies in +pitched battle, their leaders set up a strange shrill cry, their ranks +dissolved, and they dispersed in all directions, like a heap of feathers +strewn by a gust of wind. + +Agapitus took the hasty disappearance of the enemy for wild flight, he +sighed deeply and thankfully and turned to go down to the field of +battle, and to speak consolation to his wounded fellow-Christians. + +But in the castle itself he found opportunity for exercising his pious +office, for before him stood the shepherdess whom he had already observed +on his arrival and she said with much embarrassment, but clearly and +quickly, "Old Stephanus there, my lord bishop--Hermas' father for whom I +carry water-bids me ask you to come to him; for his wound has reopened +and he thinks his end is near." + +Agapitus immediately obeyed this call; he went with hasty steps towards +the sick man, whose wound Paulus and Orion had already bound up, and +greeted him with a familiarity that he was far from showing to the other +penitents. He had long known the former name and the fate of Stephanus, +and it was by his advice that Hermas had been obliged to join the +deputation sent to Alexandria, for Agapitus was of opinion that no one +ought to flee from the battle of life without having first taken some +part in it. + +Stephanus put out his hand to the bishop who sat down beside him, signed +to the bystanders to leave them alone, and listened attentively to the +feeble words of the sufferer. When he had ceased speaking, Agapitus +said: + +"I praise the Lord with you for having permitted your lost wife to find +the ways that lead to Him, and your son will be--as you were once--a +valiant man of war. Your earthly house is set in order, but are you +prepared for the other, the everlasting mansion?" + +"For eighteen years I have done penance, and prayed, and borne great +sufferings," answered the sick man. "The world lies far behind me, and I +hope I am walking in the path that leads to heaven." + +"So do I hope for you and for your soul," said the bishop. "That which +it is hardest to endure has fallen to your lot in this world, but have +you striven to forgive those who did you the bitterest wrong, and can you +pray, "Forgive us our sins as we forgive them that sin against us?' Do +you remember the words, 'If ye forgive men their trespasses your heavenly +father will also forgive you?'" + +"Not only have I pardoned Glycera," answered Stephanus, "but I have taken +her again into my heart of hearts; but the man who basely seduced her, +the wretch, who although I had done him a thousand benefits, betrayed me, +robbed me and dishonored me, I wish him--" + +"Forgive him," cried Agapitus, "as you would be forgiven." + +"I have striven these eighteen years to bless my enemy," replied +Stephanus, "and I will still continue to strive--" + +Up to this moment the bishop had devoted his whole attention to the sick +anchorite, but he was now called on all sides at once, and Gelasius, who +was standing by the declivity with some other anchorites, called out to +him, "Father--save us--the heathen there are climbing up the rocks." + +Agapitus signed a blessing over Stephanus and then turned away from him, +saying earnestly once more, "Forgive, and heaven is open to you." + +Many wounded and dead lay on the plain, and the Pharanites were +retreating into the ravine, for the Blemmyes had not indeed fled, but had +only dispersed themselves, and then had climbed up the rocks which hemmed +in the level ground and shot their arrows at their enemies from thence. + +"Where are the Romans?" Agapitus eagerly enquired of Orion. + +"They are withdrawing into the gorge through which the road leads up +here," answered the Saite. "But look! only look at these heathen! The +Lord be merciful to us! they are climbing up the cliffs like woodpeckers +up a tree." + +"The stones, fly to the stones!" cried Agapitus with flashing eyes to +the anchorites that stood by. "What is going on behind the wall there? +Do you hear? Yes that is the Roman tuba. Courage, brethren! the +emperor's soldiers are guarding the weakest side of the castle. But look +here at the naked figures in the cleft. Bring the blocks here; set your +shoulders stoutly to it, Orion! one more push, Salathiel! There it +goes, it crashes down if only it does not stick in the rift! No! thank +God, it has bounded off-that was a leap! Well done--there were six +enemies of the Lord destroyed at once." + +"I see three more yonder," cried Orion. "Come here, Damianus, and help +me." + +The man he called rushed forward with several others, and the first +success raised the courage of the anchorites so rapidly and wonderfully +that the bishop soon found it difficult to restrain their zeal, and to +persuade them to be sparing with the precious missiles. + +While, under the direction of Agapitus stone after stone was hurled +clattering over the steep precipice down upon the Blemmyes, Paulus sat by +the sick man, looking at the ground. + +"You are not helping them?" asked Stephanus. "Agapitus is right," +replied the Alexandrian. "I have much to expiate, and fighting brings +enjoyment. How great enjoyment I can understand by the torture it is to +me to sit still. The bishop blessed you affectionately." + +"I am near the goal," sighed Stephanus, "and he promises me the joys of +heaven if I only forgive him who stole my wife from me. He is forgiven- +yes, all is forgiven him, and may everything that he undertakes turn to +good; yea, and nothing turn to evil--only feel how my heart throbs, it is +rallying its strength once more before it utterly ceases to beat. When +it is all over repeat to Hermas everything that I have told you, and +bless him a thousand, thousand times in my name and his mother's; but +never, never tell him that in an hour of weakness she ran away with that +villain--that man, that miserable man I mean--whom I forgive. Give +Hermas this ring, and with it the letter that you will find under the dry +herbs on the couch in my cave; they will secure him a reception from his +uncle, who will also procure him a place in the army, for my brother is +in high favor with Caesar. Only listen how Agapitus urges on our men; +they are fighting bravely there; that is the Roman tuba. Attend to me-- +the maniple will occupy the castle and shoot down on the heathen from +hence; when they come carry me into the tower. I am weak and would fain +collect my thoughts, and pray once more that I may find strength to +forgive the man not with my lips only." + +Down there see--there come the Romans," cried Paulus interrupting him. +"Here, up here!" he called down to the men, "The steps are more to the +left." + +"Here we are," answered a sharp voice. "You stay there, you people, on +that projection of rock, and keep your eye on the castle. If any danger +threatens call me with the trumpet. I will climb up, and from the top of +the tower there I can see where the dogs come from." + +During this speech Stephanus had looked down and listened; when a few +minutes later the Gaul reached the wall and called out to the men inside, +"Is there no one there who will give me a hand?" he turned to Paulus, +saying, "Lift me up and support me--quick!" + +With an agility that astonished the Alexandrian, Stephanus stood upon his +feet, leaned over the wall towards the centurion--who had climbed as far +as the outer foot of it, looked him in the face with eager attention, +shuddered violently, and repressing his feelings with the utmost effort +offered him his lean hand to help him. + +"Servianus!" cried the centurion, who was greatly shocked by such a +meeting and in such a place, and who, struggling painfully for composure, +stared first at the old man and then at Paulus. + +Not one of the three succeeded in uttering a word; but Stephanus' eyes +were fixed on the Gaul's features, and the longer he looked at him the +hollower grew his cheeks and the paler his lips; at the same time he +still held out his hand to the other, perhaps in token of forgiveness. + +So passed a long minute. Then Phoebicius recollected that he had climbed +the wall in the emperor's service, and stamping with impatience at +himself he took the old man's hand in a hasty grasp. But scarcely had +Stephanus felt the touch of the Gaul's fingers when he started as struck +by lightning, and flung himself with a hoarse cry on his enemy who was +hanging on the edge of the wall. + +Paulus gazed in horror at the frightful scene, and cried aloud with +fervent unction, "Let him go--forgive that heaven may forgive you." + +"Heaven! what is heaven, what is forgiveness!" screamed the old man. +"He shall be damned." Before the Alexandrian could hinder him, the loose +stone over which the enemies were wrestling in breathless combat gave +way, and both were hurled into the abyss with the falling rock. + +Paulus groaned from the lowest depth of his breast and murmured while the +tears ran down his cheeks, "He too has fought the fight, and he too has +striven in vain." + + + + +CHAPTER XXI. + +The fight was ended; the sun as it went to its rest behind the Holy +Mountain had lighted many corpses of Blemmyes, and now the stars shone +down on the oasis from the clear sky. + +Hymns of praise sounded out of the church, and near it, under the hill +against which it was built, torches were blazing and threw their ruddy +light on a row of biers, on which under green palm-branches lay the +heroes who had fallen in the battle against the Blemmyes. Now the hymn +ceased, the gates of the house of God opened and Agapitus led his +followers towards the dead. The congregation gathered in a half-circle +round their peaceful brethren, and heard the blessing that their pastor +pronounced over the noble victims who had shed their blood in fighting +the heathen. When it was ended those who in life had been their nearest +and dearest went up to the dead, and many tears fell into the sand from +the eye of a mother or a wife, many a sigh went up to heaven from a +father's breast. Next to the bier, on which old Stephanus was resting, +stood another and a smaller one, and between the two Hermas knelt and +wept. He raised his face, for a deep and kindly voice spoke his name. + +"Petrus," said the lad, clasping the hand that the senator held out to +him, "I felt forced and driven out into the world, and away from my +father--and now he is gone for ever how gladly I would have been kept by +him." + +"He died a noble death, in battle for those he loved," said the senator +consolingly, + +"Paulus was near him when he fell," replied Hermas. "My father fell from +the wall while defending the tower; but look here this girl--poor child-- +who used to keep your goats, died like a heroine. Poor, wild Miriam, how +kind I would be to you if only you were alive now!" + +Hermas as he spoke stroked the arm of the shepherdess, pressed a kiss on +her small, cold hand, and softly folded it with the other across her +bosom. + +"How did the girl get into the battle with the men?" asked Petrus. "But +you can tell me that in my own house. Come and be our guest as long as +it pleases you, and until you go forth into the world; thanks are due to +you from us all." + +Hermas blushed and modestly declined the praises which were showered on +him on all sides as the savior of the oasis. When the wailing women +appeared he knelt once more at the head of his father's bier, cast a last +loving look at Miriam's peaceful face, and then followed his host. + +The man and boy crossed the court together. Hermas involuntarily glanced +up at the window where more than once he had seen Sirona, and said, as he +pointed to the centurion's house, "He too fell." + +Petrus nodded and opened the door of his house. In the hall, which was +lighted up, Dorothea came hastily to meet him, asking, "No news yet of +Polykarp?" + +Her husband shook his head, and she added, "How indeed is it possible? +He will write at the soonest from Klysma or perhaps even from +Alexandria." + +"That is just what I think," replied Petrus, looking down to the ground. +Then he turned to Hermas and introduced him to his wife. + +Dorothea received the young man with warm sympathy; she had heard that +his father had fallen in the fight, and how nobly he too had +distinguished himself. Supper was ready, and Hermas was invited to share +it. The mistress gave her daughter a sign to make preparations for their +guest, but Petrus detained Marthana, and said, "Hermas may fill Antonius' +place; he has still something to do with some of the workmen. Where are +Jethro and the house-slaves?" + +"They have already eaten," said Dorothea. + +The husband and wife looked at each other, and Petrus said with a +melancholy smile, "I believe they are up on the mountain." + +Dorothea wiped a tear from her eye as she replied, "They will meet +Antonius there. If only they could find Polykarp! And yet I honestly +say--not merely to comfort you--it is most probable that he has not met +with any accident in the mountain gorges, but has gone to Alexandria to +escape the memories that follow him here at every step--Was not that the +gate?" + +She rose quickly and looked into the court, while Petrus, who had +followed her, did the same, saying with a deep sigh, as he turned to +Marthana--who, while she offered meat and bread to Hermas was watching +her parents--" It was only the slave Anubis." + +For some time a painful silence reigned round the large table, to-day so +sparely furnished with guests. + +At last Petrus turned to his guest and said, "You were to tell me how the +shepherdess Miriam lost her life in the struggle. She had run away from +our house--" + +"Up the mountain," added Hermas. "She supplied my poor father with water +like a daughter." + +"You see, mother," interrupted Marthana, "she was not bad-hearted-- +I always said so." + +"This morning," continued Hermas, nodding in sad assent to the maiden, +"she followed my father to the castle, and immediately after his fall, +Paulus told me, she rushed away from it, but only to seek me and to bring +me the sad news. We had known each other a long time, for years she had +watered her goats at our well, and while I was still quite a boy and she +a little girl, she would listen for hours when I played on my willow pipe +the songs which Paulus had taught me. As long as I played she was +perfectly quiet, and when I ceased she wanted to hear more and still +more, until I had too much of it and went away. Then she would grow +angry, and if I would not do her will she would scold me with bad words. +But she always came again, and as I had no other companion and she was +the only creature who cared to listen to me, I was very well-content that +she should prefer our well to all the others. Then we grew order and I +began to be afraid of her, for she would talk in such a godless way--and +she even died a heathen. Paulus, who once overheard us, warned me +against her, and as I had long thrown away the pipe and hunted beasts +with my bow and arrow whenever my father would let me, I was with her for +shorter intervals when I went to the well to draw water, and we became +more and more strangers; indeed, I could be quite hard to her. Only once +after I came back from the capital something happened--but that I need +not tell you. The poor child was so unhappy at being a slave and no +doubt had first seen the light in a free-house. + +"She was fond of me, more than a sister is of a brother--and when my +father was dead she felt that I ought not to learn the news from any one +but herself. She had seen which way I had gone with the Pharanites and +followed me up, and she soon found me, for she had the eyes of a gazelle +and the ears of a startled bird. It was not this time difficult to find +me, for when she sought me we were fighting with the Blemmyes in the +green hollow that leads from the mountain to the sea. They roared with +fury like wild beasts, for before we could get to the sea the fishermen +in the little town below had discovered their boats, which they had +hidden under sand and stones, and had carried them off to their harbor. +The boy from Raithu who accompanied me, had by my orders kept them in +sight, and had led the fishermen to the hiding-place. The watchmen whom +they had left with the boats had fled, and had reached their companions +who were fighting round the castle; and at least two hundred of them had +been sent back to the shore to recover possession of the boats and to +punish the fishermen. This troop met us in the green valley, and there +we fell to fighting. + +"The Blemmyes outnumbered us; they soon surrounded us before and behind, +on the right side and on the left, for they jumped and climbed from rock +to rock like mountain goats and then shot down their reed-arrows from +above. Three or four touched me, and one pierced my hair and remained +hanging in it with the feather at the end of the shaft. + +"How the battle went elsewhere I cannot tell you, for the blood mounted +to my head, and I was only conscious that I myself snorted and shouted +like a madman and wrestled with the heathen now here and now there, and +more than once lifted my axe to cleave a skull. At the same time I saw a +part of our men turn to fly, and I called them back with furious words; +then they turned round and followed me again. + +"Once, in the midst of the struggle, I saw Miriam too, clinging pale and +trembling to a rock and looking on at the fight. I shouted to her to +leave the spot, and go back to my father, but she stood still and shook +her head with a gesture--a gesture so full of pity and anguish--I shall +never forget it. With hands and eyes she signed to me that my father was +dead, and I understood; at least I understood that some dreadful +misfortune had happened. I had no time for reflection, for before I +could gain any certain information by word of mouth, a captain of the +heathen had seized me, and we came to a life and death struggle before +Miriam's very eyes. My opponent was strong, but I showed the girl--who +had often taunted me for being a weakling because I obeyed my father in +everything--that I need yield to no one. I could not have borne to be +vanquished before her and I flung the heathen to the ground and slew him +with my axe. I was only vaguely conscious of her presence, for during my +severe struggle I could see nothing but my adversary. But suddenly I +heard a loud scream, and Miriam sank bleeding close before me. While I +was kneeling over his comrade one of the Blemmyes had crept up to me, and +had flung his lance at me from a few paces off. But Miriam--Miriam--" + +"She saved you at the cost of her own life," said Petrus completing the +lad's sentence, for at the recollection of the occurrence his voice had +failed and his eyes overflowed with tears. + +Hermas nodded assent, and then added softly: "She threw up her arms and +called my name as the spear struck her. The eldest son of Obedianus +punished the heathen that had done it, and I supported her as she fell +dying and took her curly head on my knees and spoke her name; she opened +her eyes once more, and spoke mine softly and with indescribable +tenderness. I had never thought that wild Miriam could speak so sweetly, +I was overcome with terrible grief, and kissed her eyes and her lips. +She looked at me once more with a long, wide-open, blissful gaze, and +then she was dead." + +"She was a heathen," said Dorothea, drying her eyes, "but for such a +death the Lord will forgive her much." + +"I loved her dearly," said Marthana, "and will lay my sweetest flowers on +her grave. May I cut some sprays from your blooming myrtle for a +wreath?" + +"To-morrow, to-morrow, my child," replied Dorothea. "Now go to rest; it +is already very late." + +"Only let me stay till Antonius and Jethro come back," begged the girl. + +"I would willingly help you to find your son," said Hermas, "and if you +wish I will go to Raithu and Klysma, and enquire among the fishermen. +Had the centurion--" and as he spoke the young soldier looked down in +some embarrassment, "had the centurion found his fugitive wife of whom he +was in pursuit with Talib, the Amalekite, before he died?" + +"Sirona has not yet reappeared," replied Petrus, and perhaps--but just +now you mentioned the name of Paulus, who was so dear to you and your +father. Do you know that it was he who so shamelessly ruined the +domestic peace of the centurion?" + +"Paulus!" cried Hermas. "How can you believe it?" + +"Phoebicius found his sheepskin in his wife's room," replied Petrus +gravely. "And the impudent Alexandrian recognized it as his own before +us all and allowed the Gaul to punish him. He committed the disgraceful +deed the very evening that you were sent off to gain intelligence." + +"And Phoebicius flogged him?" cried Hermas beside himself. "And the +poor fellow bore this disgrace and your blame, and all--all for my sake. +Now I understand what he meant! I met him after the battle and he told +me that my father was dead. When he parted from me, he said he was of +all sinners the greatest, and that I should hear it said down in the +oasis. But I know better; he is great-hearted and good, and I will not +bear that he should be disgraced and slandered for my sake." Hermas had +sprung up with these words, and as he met the astonished gaze of his +hosts, he tried to collect himself, and said: + +"Paulus never even saw Sirona, and I repeat it, if there is a man who may +boast of being good and pure and quite without sin, it is he. For me, +and to save me from punishment and my father from sorrow, he owned a sin +that he never committed. Such a deed is just like him--the brave-- +faithful friend! But such shameful suspicion and disgrace shall not +weigh upon him a moment longer!" + +"You are speaking to an older man," said Petrus angrily interrupting the +youth's vehement speech. "Your friend acknowledged with his own lips--" + +"Then he told a lie out of pure goodness," Hermas insisted. "The +sheepskin that the Gaul found was mine. I had gone to Sirona, while her +husband was sacrificing to Mithras, to fetch some wine for my father, and +she allowed me to try on the centurion's armor; when he unexpectedly +returned I leaped out into the street and forgot that luckless sheepskin. +Paulus met me as I fled, and said he would set it all right, and sent me +away--to take my place and save my father a great trouble. Look at me as +severely as you will, Dorothea, but it was only in thoughtless folly that +I slipped into the Gaul's house that evening, and by the memory of my +father--of whom heaven has this day bereft me--I swear that Sirona only +amused herself with me as with a boy, a child, and even refused to let me +kiss her beautiful golden hair. As surely as I hope to become a warrior, +and as surely as my father's spirit hears what I say, the guilt that +Paulus took upon himself was never committed at all, and when you +condemned Sirona you did an injustice, for she never broke her faith to +her husband for me, nor still less for Paulus." + +Petrus and Dorothea exchanged a meaning glance, and Dorothea said: + +"Why have we to learn all this from the lips of a stranger? It sounds +very extraordinary, and yet how simple! Aye, husband, it would have +become us better to guess something of this than to doubt Sirona. From +the first it certainly seemed to me impossible that that handsome woman, +for whom quite different people had troubled themselves should err for +this queer beggar--" + +"What cruel injustice has fallen on the poor man!" cried Petrus. "If he +had boasted of some noble deed, we should indeed have been less ready to +give him credence." + +"We are suffering heavy punishment," sighed Dorothea, "and my heart is +bleeding. Why did you not come to us, Hermas, if you wanted wine? How +much suffering would have been spared if you had!" + +The lad looked down, and was silent; but soon he recollected himself, and +said eagerly: + +"Let me go and seek the hapless Paulus; I return you thanks for your +kindness but I cannot bear to stay here any longer. I must go back to +the mountain." + +The senator and his wife did not detain him, and when the court-yard gate +had closed upon him a great stillness reigned in Petrus' sitting-room. +Dorothea leaned far back in her seat and sat looking in her lap while the +tears rolled over her cheeks; Marthana held her hand and stroked it, and +the senator stepped to the window and sighed deeply as he looked down +into the dark court. Sorrow lay on all their hearts like a heavy leaden +burden. All was still in the spacious room, only now and then a loud, +long-drawn cry of the wailing women rang through the quiet night and +reached them through the open window; it was a heavy hour, rich in vain, +but silent self-accusation, in anxiety, and short prayers; poor in hope +or consolation. + +Presently Petrus heaved a deep sigh, and Dorothea rose to go up to him +and to say to him some sincere word of affection; but just then the dogs +in the yard barked, and the agonized father said softly--in deep +dejection, and prepared for the worst: + +"Most likely it is they." + +The deaconess pressed his hand in hers, but drew back when a light tap +was heard at the court-yard gate. "It is not Jethro and Antonius." said +Petrus, "they have a key." + +Marthana had gone up to him, and she clung to him as he leaned far out of +the window and called to whoever it was that had tapped: + +"Who is that knocking?" + +The dogs barked so loud that neither the senator nor the women were able +to hear the answer which seemed to be returned. + +"Listen to Argus," said Dorothea, "he never howls like that, but when you +come home or one of us, or when he is pleased." + +Petrus laid his finger on his lips and sounded a clear, shrill whistle, +and as the dogs, obedient to this signal, were silent, he once more +called out, "Whoever you may be, say plainly who you are, that I may open +the gate." + +They were kept waiting some few minutes for the answer, and the senator +was on the point of repeating his enquiry, when a gentle voice timidly +came from the gate to the window, saying, "It is I, Petrus, the fugitive +Sirona." Hardly had the words tremulously pierced the silence, when +Marthana broke from her father, whose hand was resting on her shoulder, +and flew out of the door, down the steps and out to the gate. + +"Sirona; poor, dear Sirona," cried the girl as she pushed back the bolt; +as soon as she had opened the door and Sirona had entered the court, she +threw herself on her neck, and kissed and stroked her as if she were her +long lost sister found again; then, without allowing her to speak, she +seized her hand and drew her--in spite of the slight resistance she +offered--with many affectionate exclamations up the steps and into the +sitting-room. Petrus and Dorothea met her on the threshold, and the +latter pressed her to her heart, kissed her forehead and said, "Poor +woman; we know now that we have done you an injustice, and will try to +make it good." The senator too went up to her, took her hand and added +his greetings to those of his wife, for he knew not whether she had as +yet heard of her husband's end. + +Sirona could not find a word in reply. She had expected to be expelled +as a castaway when she came down the mountain, losing her way in the +darkness. Her sandals were cut by the sharp rocks, and hung in strips to +her bleeding feet, her beautiful hair was tumbled by the night-wind, and +her white robe looked like a ragged beggar's garment, for she had torn it +to make bandages for Polykarp's wound. + +Some hours had already passed since she had left her patient--her heart +full of dread for him and of anxiety as to the hard reception she might +meet with from his parents. + +How her hand shook with fear of Petrus and Dorothea as she raised the +brazen knocker of the senator's door, and now--a father, a mother, a +sister opened their arms to her, and an affectionate home smiled upon +her. Her heart and soul overflowed with boundless emotion and unlimited +thankfulness, and weeping loudly, she pressed her clasped hands to her +breast. + +But she spared only a few moments for the enjoyment of these feelings of +delight, for there was no happiness for her without Polykarp, and it was +for his sake that she had undertaken this perilous night-journey. +Marthana had tenderly approached her, but she gently put her aside, +saying, "Not just now, dear girl. I have already wasted an hour, for I +lost my way in the ravines. Get ready Petrus to come back to the +mountain with me at once, for--but do not be startled Dorothea, Paulus +says that the worst danger is over, and if Polykarp--" + +"For God's sake, do you know where he is?" cried Dorothea, and her +cheeks crimsoned while Petrus turned pale, and, interrupting her, asked +in breathless anxiety, "Where is Polykarp, and what has happened to him?" + +"Prepare yourself to hear bad news," said Sirona, looking at the pair +with mournful anxiety as if to crave their pardon for the evil tidings +she was obliged to bring. "Polykarp had a fall on a sharp stone and so +wounded his head. Paulus brought him to me this morning before he set +out against the Blemmyes, that I might nurse him. I have incessantly +cooled his wound, and towards mid-day he opened his eyes and knew me +again, and said you would be anxious about him. After sundown he went to +sleep, but he is not wholly free from fever, and as soon as Paulus came +in I set out to quiet your anxiety and to entreat you to give me a +cooling potion, that I may return to him with it at once." The deepest +sorrow sounded in Sirona's accents as she told her story, and tears had +started to her eyes as she related to the parents what had befallen their +son. Petrus and Dorothea listened as to a singer, who, dressed indeed in +robes of mourning, nevertheless sings a lay of return and hope to a harp +wreathed with flowers. + +Quick, quick, Marthana," cried Dorothea eagerly and with sparkling eyes, +before Sirona had ended. "Quick, the basket with the bandages. I will +mix the fever-draught myself." Petrus went up to the Gaulish woman. + +"It is really no worse than you represent?" he asked in a low voice. +"He is alive? and Paulus--" + +"Paulus says," interrupted Sirona, "that with good nursing the sick man +will be well in a few weeks." + +"And you can lead me to him?" + +"Oh, alas! alas!" Sirona cried, striking her hand against her forehead. +"I shall never succeed in finding my way back, for I noticed no way- +marks! But stay--Before us a penitent from Memphis, who has been dead a +few weeks--" + +"Old Serapion?" asked Petrus. + +"That was his name," exclaimed Sirona. "Do you know his cave?" + +"How should I?" replied Petrus. "But perhaps Agapitus--" + +"The spring where I got the water to cool Polykarp's wound, Paulus calls +the partridge's-spring." + +"The partridge's-spring," repeated the senator, "I know that." With a +deep sigh he took his staff, and called to Dorothea, "Do you prepare the +draught, the bandages, torches, and your good litter, while I knock at +our neighbor Magadon's door, and ask him to lend us slaves." + +"Let me go with you," said Marthana. "No, no; you stay here with your +mother." + +"And do you think that I can wait here?" asked Dorothea. "I am going +with you." + +"There is much here for you to do," replied Petrus evasively, "and we +must climb the hill quickly." + +"I should certainly delay you," sighed the mother, "but take the girl +with you; she has a light and lucky hand." + +"If you think it best," said the senator, and he left the room. + +While the mother and daughter prepared everything for the night- +expedition, and came and went, they found time to put many questions and +say many affectionate words to Sirona. Marthana, even without +interrupting her work, set food and drink for the weary woman on the +table by which she had sunk on a seat; but she hardly moistened her lips. + +When the young girl showed her the basket that she had filled with +medicine and linen bandages, with wine and pure water, Sirona said, "Now +lend me a pair of your strongest sandals, for mine are all torn, and I +cannot follow the men without shoes, for the stones are sharp, and cut +into the flesh." + +Marthana now perceived for the first time the blood on her friend's feet, +she quickly took the lamp from the table and placed it on the pavement, +exclaiming, as she knelt down in front of Sirona and took her slender +white feet in her hand to look at the wounds on the soles, "Good heavens! +here are three deep cuts!" + +In a moment she had a basin at hand, and was carefully bathing the wounds +in Sirona's feet; while she was wrapping the injured foot in strips of +linen Dorothea came up to them. + +"I would," she said, "that Polykarp were only here now, this roll would +suffice to bind you both." A faint flush overspread Sirona's cheeks, but +Dorothea was suddenly conscious of what she had said, and Marthana gently +pressed her friend's hand. + +When the bandage was securely fixed, Sirona attempted to walk, but she +succeeded so badly that Petrus, who now came back with his friend Magadon +and his sons, and several slaves, found it necessary to strictly forbid +her to accompany them. He felt sure of finding his son without her, for +one of Magadon's people had often carried bread and oil to old Serapion +and knew his cave. + +Before the senator and his daughter left the room he whispered a few +words to his wife, and together they went up to Sirona. + +"Do you know," he asked, "what has happened to your husband?" + +"Sirona nodded. "I heard it from Paulus," she answered. "Now I am quite +alone in the world." + +"Not so," replied Petrus. "You will find shelter and love under our roof +as if it were your father's, so long as it suits you to stay with us. +You need not thank us--we are deeply in your debt. Farewell till we meet +again wife. I would Polykarp were safe here, and that you had seen his +wound. Come, Marthana, the minutes are precious." + +When Dorothea and Sirona were alone, the deaconess said, "Now I will go +and make up a bed for you, for you must be very tired." + +"No, no!" begged Sirona. "I will wait and watch with you, for I +certainly could not sleep till I know how it is with him." She spoke so +warmly and eagerly that the deaconess gratefully offered her hand to her +young friend. Then she said, "I will leave you alone for a few minutes, +for my heart is so full of anxiety that I must needs go and pray for help +for him, and for courage and strength for myself." + +"Take me with you," entreated Sirona in a low tone. "In my need I opened +my heart to your good and loving God, and I will never more pray to any +other. The mere thought of Him strengthened and comforted me, and now, +if ever, in this hour I need His merciful support." + +"My child, my daughter!" cried the deaconess, deeply moved; she bent +over Sirona, kissed her forehead and her lips, and led her by the hand +into her quiet sleeping-room. + +"This is the place where I most love to pray," she said, "although there +is here no image and no altar. My God is everywhere present and in every +place I can find Him." + +The two women knelt down side by side, and both besought the same God for +the same mercies--not for themselves, but for another; and both in their +sorrow could give thanks--Sirona, because in Dorothea she had found a +mother, and Dorothea, because in Sirona she had found a dear and loving +daughter. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII. + +Paulus was sitting in front of the cave that had sheltered Polykarp and +Sirona, and he watched the torches whose light lessened as the bearers +went farther and farther towards the valley. They lighted the way for +the wounded sculptor, who was being borne home to the oasis, lying in his +mother's easy litter, and accompanied by his father and his sister. + +"Yet an hour," thought the anchorite, "and the mother will have her son +again, yet a week and Polykarp will rise from his bed, yet a year and he +will remember nothing of yesterday but a scar--and perhaps a kiss that he +pressed on the Gaulish woman's rosy lips. I shall find it harder to +forget. The ladder which for so many years I had labored to construct, +on which I thought to scale heaven, and which looked to me so lofty and +so safe, there it lies broken to pieces, and the hand that struck it down +was my own weakness. It would almost seem as if this weakness of mine +had more power than what we call moral strength for that which it took +the one years to build up, was wrecked by the other in a' moment. In +weakness only am I a giant." + +Paulus shivered at these words, for he was cold. Early in that morning +when he had taken upon himself Hermas' guilt he had abjured wearing his +sheepskin; now his body, accustomed to the warm wrap, suffered severely, +and his blood coursed with fevered haste through his veins since the +efforts, night-watches, and excitement of the last few days. He drew his +little coat close around him with a shiver and muttered, "I feel like a +sheep that has been shorn in midwinter, and my head burns as if I were a +baker and had to draw the bread out of the oven; a child might knock me +down, and my eyes are heavy. I have not even the energy to collect my +thoughts for a prayer, of which I am in such sore need. My goal is +undoubtedly the right one, but so soon as I seem to be nearing it, my +weakness snatches it from me, as the wind swept back the fruit-laden +boughs which Tantalus, parched with thirst, tried to grasp. I fled from +the world to this mountain, and the world has pursued me and has flung +its snares round my feet. I must seek a lonelier waste in which I may +be alone--quite alone with my God and myself. There, perhaps I may find +the way I seek, if indeed the fact that the creature that I call "I," in +which the whole world with all its agitations in little finds room--and +which will accompany me even there--does not once again frustrate all my +labor. He who takes his Self with him into the desert, is not alone." + +Paulus sighed deeply and then pursued his reflections: "How puffed up +with pride I was after I had tasted the Gaul's rods in place of Hermas, +and then I was like a drunken man who falls down stairs step by step. +And poor Stephanus too had a fall when he was so near the goal! He +failed in strength to forgive, and the senator who has just now left me, +and whose innocent son I had so badly hurt, when we parted forgivingly +gave me his hand. I could see that he did forgive me with all his heart, +and this Petrus stands in the midst of life, and is busy early and late +with mere worldly affairs." + +For a time he looked thoughtfully before him, and then he went on in his +soliloquy, "What was the story that old Serapion used to tell? In the +Thebaid there dwelt a penitent who thought he led a perfectly saintly +life and far transcended all his companions in stern virtue. Once he +dreamed that there was in Alexandria a man even more perfect than +himself; Phabis was his name, and he was a shoemaker, dwelling in the +White road near the harbor of Kibotos. The anchorite at once went to the +capital and found the shoemaker, and when he asked him, 'How do you serve +the Lord? How do you conduct your life?' Phabis looked at him in +astonishment. 'I? well, my Saviour! I work early and late, and provide +for my family, and pray morning and evening in few words for the whole +city.' Petrus, it seems to me, is such an one as Phabis; but many roads +lead to God, and we--and I--" + +Again a cold shiver interrupted his meditation, and as morning approached +the cold was so keen that he endeavored to light a fire. While he was +painfully blowing the charcoal Hermas came up to him. + +He had learned from Polykarp's escort where Paulus was to be found, and +as he stood opposite his friend he grasped his hand, stroked his rough +hair and thanked him with deep and tender emotion for the great sacrifice +he had made for him when he had taken upon himself the dishonoring +punishment of his fault. + +Paulus declined all pity or thanks, and spoke to Hermas of his father and +of his future, until it was light, and the young man prepared to go down +to the oasis to pay the last honors to the dead. To his entreaty that he +would accompany him, Paulus only answered: + +"No--no; not now, not now; for if I were to mix with men now I should fly +asunder like a rotten wineskin full of fermenting wine; a swarm of bees +is buzzing in my head, and an ant-hill is growing in my bosom. Go now +and leave me alone." + +After the funeral ceremony Hermas took an affectionate leave of Agapitus, +Petrus, and Dorothea, and then returned to the Alexandrian, with whom he +went to the cave where he had so long lived with his dead father. + +There Paulus delivered to him his father's letter to his uncle, and spoke +to him more lovingly than he had ever done before. At night they both +lay down on their beds, but neither of them found rest or sleep. + +From time to time Paulus murmured in a low voice, but in tones of keen +anguish, "In vain--all in vain--" and again, "I seek, I seek--but who can +show me the way?" + +They both rose before daybreak; Hermas went once more down to the well, +knelt down near it, and felt as though he were bidding farewell to his +father and Miriam. + +Memories of every kind rose up in his soul, and so mighty is the +glorifying power of love that the miserable, brown-skinned shepherdess +Miriam seemed to him a thousand-fold more beautiful than that splendid +woman who filled the soul of a great artist with delight. + +Shortly after sunrise Paulus conducted him to the fishing-port, and to +the Israelite friend who managed the business of his father's house; he +caused him to be bountifully supplied with gold and accompanied him to +the ship laden with charcoal, that was to convey hire to Klysma. + +The parting was very painful to him, and when Hermas saw his eyes full of +tears and felt his hands tremble, he said, "Do not be troubled about me, +Paulus; we shall meet again, and I will never forget you and my father." + +"And your mother," added the anchorite. "I shall miss you sorely, but +trouble is the very thing I look for. He who succeeds in making the +sorrows of the whole world his own--he whose soul is touched by a sorrow +at every breath he draws--he indeed must long for the call of the +Redeemer." + +Hermas fell weeping on his neck and started to feel how burning the +anchorite's lips were as he pressed them to his forehead. + +At last the sailors drew in the ropes; Paulus turned once more to the +youth. "You are going your own way now," he said. "Do not forget the +Holy Mountain, and hear this: Of all sins three are most deadly: To +serve false gods, to covet your neighbor's wife, and to raise your hands +to kill; keep yourself from them. And of all virtues two are the least +conspicuous, and at the same time the greatest: Truthfulness and +humility; practise these. Of all consolations these two are the best: +The consciousness of wishing the right however much we may err and +stumble through human weakness, and prayer." + +Once more he embraced the departing youth, then he went across the sand +of the shore back to the mountain without looking round. + +Hermas looked after him for a long time greatly distressed, for his +strong friend tottered like a drunken man, and often pressed his hand to +his head which was no doubt as burning as his lips. + +The young warrior never again saw the Holy Mountain or Paulus, but after +he himself had won fame and distinction in the army he met again with +Petrus' son, Polykarp, whom the emperor had sent for to Byzantium with +great honor, and in whose house the Gaulish woman Sirona presided as a +true and loving wife and mother. + +After his parting from Hermas, Paulus disappeared. The other anchorites +long sought him in vain, as well as bishop Agapitus, who had learned from +Petrus that the Alexandrian had been punished and expelled in innocence, +and who desired to offer him pardon and consolation in his own person. +At last, ten days after, Orion the Saite found him in a remote cave. The +angel of death had called him only a few hours before while in the act of +prayer, for he was scarcely cold. He was kneeling with his forehead +against the rocky wall and his emaciated hands were closely clasped over +Magdalena's ring. When his companions had laid him on his bier his +noble, gentle features wore a pure and transfiguring smile. + +The news of his death flew with wonderful rapidity through the oasis and +the fishing-town, and far and wide to the caves of the anchorites, and +even to the huts of the Amalekite shepherds. The procession that +followed him to his last resting-place stretched to an invisible +distance; in front of all walked Agapitus with the elders and deacons, +and behind them Petrus with his wife and family, to which Sirona now +belonged. Polykarp, who was now recovering, laid a palm-branch in token +of reconcilement on his grave, which was visited as a sacred spot by the +many whose needs he had alleviated in secret, and before long by all the +penitents from far and wide. + +Petrus erected a monument over his grave, on which Polykarp incised the +words which Paulus' trembling fingers had traced just before his death +with a piece of charcoal on the wall of his cave: + +"Pray for me, a miserable man--for I was a man." + + + + +ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS: + +He out of the battle can easily boast of being unconquered +Pray for me, a miserable man--for I was a man + + + + + + +ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS FOR THE ENTIRE 'HOMO SUM': + +Action trod on the heels of resolve +Can such love be wrong? +He who wholly abjures folly is a fool +He out of the battle can easily boast of being unconquered +Homo sum; humani nil a me alienum puto +I am human, nothing that is human can I regard as alien to me +Love is at once the easiest and the most difficult +Love overlooks the ravages of years and has a good memory +No judgment is so hard as that dealt by a slave to slaves +No man is more than man, and many men are less +Overlooks his own fault in his feeling of the judge's injustice +Pray for me, a miserable man--for I was a man +Sky as bare of cloud as the rocks are of shrubs and herbs +Sleep avoided them both, and each knew that the other was awake +Some caution is needed even in giving a warning +The older one grows the quicker the hours hurry away +To pray is better than to bathe +Wakefulness may prolong the little term of life +Who can point out the road that another will take + + + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOMO SUM, BY EBERS, COMPLETE *** + +******** This file should be named ge61v10.txt or ge61v10.zip ********* + +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, ge61v11.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, ge61v10a.txt + +This eBook was produced by David Widger <widger@cecomet.net> + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. 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