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diff --git a/old/54818-0.txt b/old/54818-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index b2635c1..0000000 --- a/old/54818-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1541 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Stephen H. Branch's Alligator Vol. 1 no. -11, July 3, 1858, by Stephen H. Branch - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: Stephen H. Branch's Alligator Vol. 1 no. 11, July 3, 1858 - -Author: Stephen H. Branch - -Release Date: May 31, 2017 [EBook #54818] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK STEPHEN BRANCH'S ALLIGATOR, JULY 3, 1958 *** - - - - -Produced by The Online Distributed Proofreading Team at -http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images -generously made available by The Internet Archive) - - - - - - - Transcriber Notes - - Obvious printer errors and missing punctuation fixed. Archaic and - inconsistent spelling retained. - Unclear text in the ads in the original has been clarified by review of - the same ads printed more clearly in other issues. - The table of contents has been created and added by the transcriber. - Italics are represented by underscores surrounding the _italic text_. - Small capitals have been converted to ALL CAPS. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - Life of Stephen H. Branch. 1 - - A Melodious Fragment! 2 - - Human Devils. 2 - - James Gordon Bennett’s 2 - Editorial Career. - - Peter Cooper’s Funny little 3 - Grocery-Groggery, at the - Corner of the Bowery and - Stuyversant Street, in 1820. - - Advertisements 4 - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - -[Illustration: STEPHEN H. BRANCH’S ALLIGATOR.] - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - Volume I.—No. 11.] SATURDAY, JULY 3, 1858. [Price 2 Cents. - - - Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1857, by - STEPHEN H. BRANCH, - - In the Clerk’s Office of the District Court of the United - States for the Southern District of New York. - - - - - Life of Stephen H. Branch. - - -McDonald Clarke had the dyspepsia badly, and would board at the Graham -House while his money lasted, and then Goss would request him to leave. -At the table he always created infinite mirth. I often met him on the -Battery, (with his pockets filled with stale Graham bread,) and at -Mercer’s Dining Saloon, at the corner of Ann and Nassau, and on the -steps of the Astor, and while rapidly promenading Broadway, with his -eyes riveted on the ground. I also saw him every Sabbath in front of Dr. -Taylor’s Grace Church, at the corner of Rector street and Broadway, -where he used to await the arrival of Miss Jones, and almost stare her -into fits, and to whom he addressed such lines as these through the -public journals: - - Her form’s elastic as a willow tree, - Glorious in motion, when the winds are free: - She moves with timid dignity and grace, - While thought is thrilling through her sweet young face. - -In his last days, he often came to the Graham House, and Goss was very -kind to him, and did not charge him for his meals. He called on Sunday -morning, when all were at church save myself. I was ill, in the rocking -chair, and for an hour he amused me with his incoherent flights of -eloquence, and the recitation of his choicest poetry. He came several -times during the week. On a stormy evening, while I was seated by the -stove, he rushed in and took a seat beside me, and wept aloud, and spoke -of his intense affection for Miss Jones, (the daughter of the wealthy -Banker, and President of the Chemical Bank,) whom he supposed was -ardently in love with him. He said that he had been twice invited to her -parties, but that on ringing the bell, he was twice ejected by the -servant. The cards of invitation were forgeries, but those who imposed -on McDonald, assured him that they were genuine, and were written by -Miss Jones. I strove in vain to disabuse McDonald’s mind, who said he -should make the third attempt the following week, and, if possible, he -would have an interview with the precious object of his affection. On -the afternoon of the following Sunday, he came to the Graham House, and -violently rang the bell, and dashed into the parlor, greatly excited, -and took a seat on the sofa, where I was reclining, and exclaimed: “Why, -Branch, people call me crazy. But you don’t think I’m crazy, do you, -Branch? I know you don’t. You love me, don’t you, Branch? I know you do. -Heigh ho! I’m not long for this world. I’m going to Heaven in a few -days, where I shall fare better than among the unkind people of this -world. Yes, I rambled through Greenwood, last week, by the Silver Lake, -and selected the lovely and romantic spot where my poor bones will soon -repose and wither. (His tears now began to fall like summer rain.) And -there will be the sacred bells, and the Grace Church exercises, -conducted by the pure and eloquent Dr. Taylor, and the mournful music, -and solemn procession, and the Sexton’s dreary hearse and spade, and the -pale white monument. And those who now deny me bread, and call me crazy, -and trifle with my affections, will then sadly miss me, and my beautiful -poetry, and lament my melancholy fate. And they will come and stand -before my monument in Greenwood’s Silver Dell, and weep, and profoundly -regret that they always neglected poor McDonald Clarke. Yes, Branch, I -see my snowy monument by the Silver Lake, and I shall soon be there. O -God! Yes, I shall too soon be in that dismal vale. But you will come and -see me, won’t you, Branch? I know you will. I know you will, O God! O -God! My destiny is very hard.” And he buried his face with both hands, -and cried with all the simplicity of childhood, and I strove to restrain -my tears, lest he would not cease his lamentation, if he saw my eyes -moistened with nature’s sympathising waters. And I breathed kind words -into his lacerated heart, and he leaned his head upon my shoulder, and -was silent for some minutes, when he sprang to his feet, and said he -would like a bath, and went to the bathing room. In half an hour, he -returned, went to the tea table, ate sparingly, came into the parlor, -went to the window, and knelt and prayed in whisper tones. The clouds -had suddenly dispersed, and the moon was full, whose soft rays rested on -the sad face of McDonald. He then got the Bible, and read a chapter, and -was absorbed in a second prayer, just above a whisper, when a transient -boarder (from Boston) entered the parlor, and sat on the sofa, and began -a spirited conversation with a friend who had long been waiting for him. -McDonald, while engaged in prayer, in a kneeling posture, sprang to his -feet, and rushed towards the two gentlemen in lively conversation on the -sofa, and told them that if they did not cease to laugh, and talk so -loudly, he would smite them on the spot. They were amazed and terrified, -and dared not speak. McDonald then rapidly paced the parlor, and -exclaimed: “I am only 40 years old, with nearly half the period often -allotted to man yet to run, and I am near my journey’s close.” And then, -with a sudden halt in the centre of the parlor, he again riveted his -wild eyes on the gentlemen seated on the sofa, who had excited his ire, -and stamped, and most violently exclaimed: “How dare you talk and laugh -in God’s holy hour? This is the all-glorious Sabbath, and it is -sacrilege to talk and laugh beyond a whisper. Do it again, and as sure -as my name is McDonald Clarke, I will paralyse you where you sit. -Silence, I say, (stamping,) silence!” The two gentlemen then arose, and -left the parlor, in pursuit of Mr. Goss, and McDonald went to the -window, and delivered a glowing apostrophe to the moon and stars, and -asked me to play sacred music on the piano, which I did, and he strove -to sing, but his voice was severely weakened, and nearly lost, by his -nervous excitement, and through his severe anathema of the two gentlemen -who had just left the parlor. As I played, he stood beside me, and -hummed and beat time with his hands. I closed the piano, and he went to -the window, and prayed again, and breathed the most eloquent and -touching soliloquy I ever heard. Such melting pathos and purity of -language never flowed from human lips. He rose to the highest -inspiration in his allusion to his departed mother, and his anticipated -joy at his early reunion with her in Heaven. I have always regretted -that I had no pencil and paper on this sad occasion, so that I could -have preserved his supernatural soliloquies, which impressed me with the -profoundest solemnity. Mr. Goss now came into the parlor, and asked -McDonald where he boarded, and he said he had no home. Goss then asked -him if he had any friends. He said that James Gordon Bennett was his -friend, and had been kind and generous towards him, and had given him -money and apparel, and published his poetry in the _Herald_. He also -said that he ate, and sometimes slept, at a Dentist’s in Park Place, and -that he would now go there. I asked him if I should accompany him, and -he warmly thanked me, and he put on his cloak and cap, and very -carefully adjusted his large red comforter around his neck, and took my -arm, and I accompanied him to the residence of his dentist friend in -Park Place. I rang the bell, and the servant came, and said the dentist -was out, and McDonald then shook my hand, and bade me an affectionate -good night, and walked in and closed the door, which was my last -communion with poor McDonald Clarke. I called the next day, and the -servant told me that McDonald left in half an hour after my departure on -the previous night, and had not returned. I went in pursuit of him, but -could not find him. The next I heard of him was through the newspapers, -which stated that he was found at midnight, by a Policeman, in Broadway, -near St. Paul’s Church, in a terrible storm, and in a state of raving -insanity, with his apparel partially gone,—that he was conveyed to the -Tombs,—that neither the Policemen nor any of the officers at the Tombs -knew McDonald, nor was he sane enough to disclose his name,—that on -going to feed him in the morning, his place of confinement was partially -filled with icy water, (in which he was bathing himself,) which had been -running all night, and which gave him a chill of death,—that he was -finally recognised by one of the Tombs’ officers, and conveyed to the -Alms House Hospital, where he soon died. I called to see him before he -died, but he did not know me. His reason entirely returned just prior to -his death, when he called for a custard, (of which he was always -extremely fond,) and he ate a little, and said he was glad his hour had -come, as he was tired of earth. He bade his nurse an affectionate -farewell, and died without a contortion or a moan. His sudden and pauper -death produced great excitement, and the newspapers severely lashed his -murderers, who strove to make him think that Miss Jones loved him -dearly, and had invited him to her aristocratic parties. But the names -of the villains were not published, (as they should have been,) because -they belonged to the upper circles. Some kind friends erected a monument -to his memory, on the very spot McDonald had selected, by the Silver -Lake in Greenwood, for which they received much praise. And thus closes -my sad allusion to poor McDonald Clarke. - - (To be continued to my last sun.) - - ------------------------------------ - - - - - A Melodious Fragment! - - - TO ALL WHO LOVE ENTRANCING MUSIC. - -READER:—Did you ever behold the tumultuous excitement of the populace at -a Race Course, as the furious steeds neared the judge’s stand on the -last heat? Then go and see Gazzaniga’s reflection of the passions at the -Academy of Music, and behold the glow and palor, and joy and terror, and -stamps and screams of the excited and enraptured multitudes. Did you -ever see the moon emerge from a tranquil ocean, or the sun descend a -wild horison? Then see Gazzaniga. Did you ever see a peerless virgin at -the altar, or on her journey to the sepulchre? Then see Gazzaniga. Do -you remember the merry laugh of childhood, or your fond mother’s gentle -tones? Then see Gazzaniga. Do you lament Ophelia’s sadness and mournful -destiny, and the fatal grief of Portia at the absence of Brutus? Then -see Gazzaniga. Do you love the murmurs of the rivulet, or of summer -zephyrs on the moonlight waters? Then see Gazzaniga. Do you love the -melody of the birds, and the hues of the pastures, and the romance of -the forest, and the perfume of the foliage, and the silence of the -wilderness, and the beauty of the vales, and the majesty of the -mountains? Then see Gazzaniga. Do you love the security of a calm, or -the sublimity of a storm? Then see Gazzaniga. Have you seen Niagara or -Vesuvius, and admired and trembled in their glorious and awful presence? -Then see Gazzaniga. Have you read and dreamed of Antony and Cleopatra? -Then see Brignoli and Gazzaniga. Have you read Cæsar’s hatred of Cassius -and Horace Greeley, and his love of Matsell and fat men? Then see Ullman -and Armodio. Do you love to roam in dells and caves and deserts? Do you -love the pensive meditations of genius in cavern solitudes? Do you love -to gaze at Heaven’s Panorama, in the silence and glory of midnight? Do -you love your parent’s admonitions, and the sweet tones of your brothers -and sisters, and wives and children? Do you remember your early love, -and pleasant rambles with your devoted and beauteous Juliet? Do you love -to witness the reflection of your own heart? Do you love to shed tears -of joy at the triumph of the virtuous, and to paralyse the vicious with -your terrible execrations? Have you breathed Italian skies, and wandered -by Italian streams, and fondly lingered on Italian sunsets? O then go -and see and hear Gazzaniga, whose mighty soul reflects the smiles and -tears—lovers and misanthropes—beauties and melodies—calms and -storms—rainbows and landscapes—plains and mountains—cataracts and -volcanoes—thunder and lightning—rain and hail—tornadoes and -earthquakes—witches and angels—devils and demons—ghosts and hobgoblins, -and suns and globes and caravans of Universal Nature. O Gazzaniga! Thy -tranquil music is the echo of a Choir of Angels, and thy frenzied strain -is the yell of a gang of devils. More than a thousand millions of human -pilgrims rove in the romantic paths of earth, but in all this mighty -throng, on its march to a common sepulchre, there is but one Gazzaniga -in the delightful realms of melody. - - - - - Stephen H. Branch’s Alligator. - - ------------------------------------------------------ - - NEW YORK, SATURDAY, JULY 3, 1858. - - ------------------------------------------------------ - -STEPHEN H. BRANCH’S “ALLIGATOR” CAN BE obtained at all hours, (day or -night,) at wholesale and retail, at No. 128 Nassau Street, Near Beekman -Street, and opposite Ross & Tousey’s News Depot, New York. - - ------------------------------------ - - - - - Human Devils. - - -Some $10,000 have been expended in building fences, and improving the -forest grounds at the corner of Fourteenth and Fifteenth streets and the -Sixth Avenue? We have received a card, heralding a “Palace Garden,” -signed by De Forest and Tisdale, Proprietors. Mr. De Forest was the -Treasurer of the Crystal Palace Ball, and Mr. Tisdale is the Treasurer -of the Hunter Woodis Benevolent Society. A few loaves of John Hecker’s -bread, distributed among the poor, was the only charitable result of the -Academy of Music Ball, and none of John Hecker’s bread, nor of any -baker, nor any necessaries of life were distributed among the indigent, -as the result of the mighty and lucrative Crystal Palace Ball. Both of -those Balls were given by the public—for the benefit of the Poor—in the -name of the self-constituted members of the Hunter Woodis Society, and -De Forest and Tisdale, who control the vast receipts of that Society, -now open an Ice Cream and Lager Bier Saloon on a scale of unprecedented -magnitude and magnificence, while the poor creatures are starving, who -own all the surplus funds in the vile grasp of the Hunter Woodis -Society, and of the outside scamps, who partially control those pauper -funds. De Forest and Tisdale (who thrice cunningly assured me that all -the members of the Hunter Woodis Society were Know Nothings) beckoned me -last week to their gorgeous chariot on Broadway, and told me that they -were “snags,” and through dagger eyes, and ferocious gestures, and -stunning declamation, threatened my utter annihilation, for my recent -exposure of their plunder of our generous citizens, and the private -paupers, whose funds they withhold and squander. If one of the huge -villains of these devilish days in which my lot is cast approaches me -with menacing look or attitude, he will be a dead thief before he can -implore the God of truth and justice and mercy to forgive him for his -awful crimes. Where the $40,000 that were doubtless received by the -Managers and Treasurers of the Academy of Music and Crystal Palace -Balls; and where their vast private collections have all mysteriously -vanished, will never be disclosed to the poor of this, nor of coming -generations, but, at the Throne of God, these consummate villains and -infernal scamps will have to confront the famishing creatures they have -robbed and starved, when they will be convicted, and condemned, and -hurled from Heaven’s resplendent heights into a gulph of yelling devils, -who will pinch them, and prick them, and bite them, and lance them, and -roast them through wasteless ages. - - O, what I hear, and what I see, - Makes me from earth yearn to be free. - - ------------------------------------ - - - - - James Gordon Bennett’s Editorial Career. - - - _Bennett and John Kelly._ - -_Bennett_—John, the wall cracked again yesterday, and I fear this old -ruin will soon fall, and bury us in death. So, after you have folded -those papers, you can take them and the broom, and I will take my -memorandum book and easy slippers, and we will go to the new quarters -that I hired yesterday in Broadway. The rent is very cheap, and I am not -to pay it until the end of the month, which is a godsend in these days -of poverty. - -_John_—I have only got fifty papers to fold, and I will soon be ready. - -_Bennett_—Hurry, Johnny, for the building may fall before we get out. -(John folds papers mighty fast.) - -_John_—I am ready, sir. - -_Bennett_—Come on then. (They depart for Broadway, with all their -luggage, consisting of fifty _Heralds_, a broom, memorandum book, and -Bennett’s easy slippers.) - - _Enter Landlord._ - -_Landlord_—Mr. Bennett, I told you that you could pay your rent at the -end of the month, but I have concluded to require it in advance. - -_Bennett_—I have not the money to spare, but I will let you have my -watch as security. - -_Landlord_—I have no pawnbroker’s license, and I fear it would be a -violation of the law to take a watch in pawn. - -_Bennett_—I have let Anderson & Ward have it as security for the payment -of my papers some fifty times, and they have not been arrested. - -_Landlord_—Is it gold or silver? - -_Bennett_—Silver. - -_Landlord_—What is its value? - -_Bennett_—Twenty dollars. - -_Landlord_—Does it keep good time? - -_Bennett_—It goes well, don’t it, Johnny (giving him a wink.) - -_John_—Yes, sir. (May God forgive me for this lie.) - -_Landlord_—I will take it, but you must try to pay the rent before the -close of the month. - -_Bennett_—I will, sir. Our circulation is rapidly increasing, ain’t it, -Johnny? - -_John_ (pale as death)—Y-e-s, s-i-r. (O, Heavenly Father, do forgive me -for another lie.) - -_Landlord_—Good day, Mr. Bennett, and may success attend your -enterprise. - -_Bennett_—Good by, sir, but don’t call again until the very last week in -the month. - -_Landlord_—I will be as lenient as I can. Good day. (He goes.) - -_Bennett_—John, why did you say y-e-s, s-i-r? This is no time to drawl -your words. And I saw your lips quiver, and your eyes and arms directed -to Heaven, as though you were engaged in silent prayer. This won’t do, -sir. My case is desperate. Can’t you lie, in matters of business, -without invoking the celestial pardon? If you can’t, you will soon ruin -me. What say you, John? - -_John_—My parents will not let me tell lies. They would kill me, if they -caught me in the two lies I have told for you to-day. They are extremely -indigent, but they are as honest as poor Burns, the great poet of your -native land, who said: - - “The honest man, tho’ e’er sae poor, - Is king o’ men for a’ that.” - -And who also said: - - “O, wad some Pow’r the giftie gie us - To see oursels as ithers see us!” - -_Bennett_ (stamping the floor)—Darm it, boy, this is no time for poetry. -Hang Burns, who was an old fool, and lived on air, like all the poets. I -prefer Richard, who said: - - “I have set my life upon a cast, - And I will stand the hazard of the die.” - -Or Iago: - - “This is the night, - That either makes me, or fordoes me quite.” - -Or Ophelia, with whose beautiful aphorism I closed my leading editorial, -in the first number of the _Herald_: - - “Lord, we know that we are, - But know not what we may be.” - -But darm the rhyme. We want bread and butter. I have been starving on -truth and poetry, and I intend to lie, and cheat, and black mail, during -the residue of my days. Do you understand me? - -_John_—Yes, sir, but I can’t lie. I had rather be poor, and tell the -truth, than lie, and cheat, and wrong my fellow creatures, and be -loathed by my parents, and be despised by myself, and by others, and -have sleepless nights, and be in constant fear of death, and be in -danger of a prison or the scaffold. So, you had better get another boy. - -_Bennett_—I am sorry to part with you, dear Johnny, because you have -been so true and kind to me. - -_John_—I would like to remain, but I must leave, if you require me to -lie. And yet I dread to inform my poor father and mother that I have -left you, and have no means to aid them. But I had rather go hungry than -tell lies, and I hope and believe that my parents will forgive me for -leaving you. - -_Bennett_—I fear you are too conscientious to be my associate in the -reckless and unscrupulous career of journalism before me, and therefore -I shall advertise for another boy to-morrow. - -_John_—Very well, sir. (John takes his hat to go.) - -_Bennett_—Don’t go until I get another boy. - -_John_—I must go now, because you have proclaimed yourself a dishonest -man, and I should be unhappy if I remained longer in your presence. - -_Bennett_—How much do I owe you? - -_John_—Nothing. - -_Bennett_—Yes I do. - -_John_—You can have it, because I fear you did not get it honestly, and -I do not want it. (John goes.) - -_Bennett_ (soliloquises)—This boy’s rebuke is terrible. And now I am -alone. O God! if I only had his integrity, I would make any sacrifice. -That boy has got the principles of Washington in his breast, and the -world will hear of him. No earthly power can crush the love of truth in -the heart of that dear little boy. And now what shall I do? His merited -castigation has unnerved and unmanned me. I know not which way to turn. -I have but little money. I cannot get another boy so faithful as Johnny. -I must strive to sell my papers in the stores alone, now that Johnny is -gone, and, if I fail, I am forever ruined. But this won’t do. I must not -despair. I must rally. (He arises, and paces his office rapidly, with -compressed jaws and lips, and distended nostrils, and clenched fingers, -and ferocious gesticulation.) I must not whine now. I must cut and -smash, and detract and terrify the innocent, and levy thousands on the -affluent, or I am forever lost. I have no associate, nor friend, nor -kindred in all this land, and I can only degrade myself, as my aged -parents are in the deep mountain glades of Scotland, and can never hear -of my degradation. So I will be a devil. I will advertise for another -boy, and if I get one who will conspire with me in my contemplated -villainy, my fortunes will yet be vast. (He writes an advertisement, and -puts it in the _New York Sun_.) - - (To be continued.) - - - - - Peter Cooper’s Funny little Grocery-Groggery, at the Corner of the - Bowery and Stuyversant Street, in 1820. - - - PETER BEHIND THE COUNTER. - - _Enter Female Customer._ - -_Customer_—I want two candles, and a quart of soft soap, and a pint of -gin. - -_Peter_—There’s the candles, and there’s the soap, and now I will get -the gin. (Measures it.) And there’s the gin. - -_Customer_—Put it all down on the book. - -_Peter_—I will only put it on the slate, as I want you to pay me by -Saturday evening. - -_Customer_—O, certainly. (She goes.) - - _Enter Jim, a Darkey._ - -_Jim_—Mr. Cooper, I want a plug of tobacco, and a glass of rum, and I -will pay you on Saturday night, when I get my week’s wages. - -_Peter_—I can’t trust any more to-day, as I have just let a woman have -some candles, soap, and gin on credit, and I shall ruin myself if I -trust so much as I have recently. My capital is very small, and my -credit is so bad that I have to pay cash for nearly all I buy, and if I -trust much, I shall have to fail again, and shut up my little shop for -ever. So, Jim, I can’t trust you any more. - -_Jim_—Then I will trade elsewhere. I have been drinking your rum for a -long time, and I have always paid you for it, and I have got drunk many -a time on your rum, and now you won’t let me have a glass on credit. You -must have an iron heart. - -_Peter_—Jim, you have drunk a large quantity of rum at my bar, and you -have always paid me for it, as you declare, but I am going to turn over -a new leaf, and trust no more. But if you will promise never to ask me -to trust you again, I will let you have as nice a glass of rum as you -ever drank. - -_Jim_—Agreed. - -_Peter_—(pours out some cheap and nasty rum, and squats down behind the -counter so that Jim can’t see him, and adulterates it about two-thirds -with old Manhattan water, that had been in the pitcher all day)—There’s -your rum, Jim, and now drink it, and enjoy yourself. - -_Jim_—(drinks, and can hardly taste the nasty rum, and makes wry -faces,)—How much bilge water did you put in this mean rum, and how much -do you intend to put down on the slate against me for this disgusting -dose of rum and water? - -_Peter_—That is nice rum, Jim, and I shall charge you my usual price of -three cents a glass. - -_Jim_—Take that, and that, and that, you stingy old villain. (Throws -most of the rum and water into his face, and strikes him twice, and -knocks him down, and runs down the Bowery.) - -_Peter_ (solus and nose bleeding profusely)—I fear the black rascal has -broken my nose and ribs, and blackened my eyes badly. I will close the -shop, and go and see a physician, and I suppose I shall have to run up -quite a Doctor’s bill before my wounds are entirely healed. (Shuts the -shop and goes to an Apothecary.) - -_Peter_—Doctor, nigger Jim has just struck me several times with all his -might, and I fear he has mutilated me for life. Just examine my nose and -ribs, Doctor, and dress my nose and eyes as soon as possible, so that -they will soon heal. - -_Doctor_—Why did Jim strike you? - -_Peter_—Well, Doctor, he wanted some rum on credit, and because I -hesitated, and finally gave him some very poor rum (rather freely -adulterated), to get rid of him, he got angry, and threw the rum and -water in my face, and then most cruelly beat me. - -_Doctor_—Mr. Cooper, why don’t you stop selling rum, and especially to -such low characters as nigger Jim? - -_Peter_—O, I can’t stop selling rum, as I make more profit on that than -any thing else. In fact, it is nearly all profit, if properly and -judiciously adulterated. - -_Doctor_—But don’t you impoverish and degrade and render vicious all to -whom you sell your poisonous alcohol, and expose their wives and -children to all the horrors of poverty, and the brutal ferocity and -insanity of a drunken father? - -_Peter_—O, I don’t know any thing about all that. All I know, as a -business man, is, that I get a mighty large profit on my rum, and if my -customers get drunk, and abuse and starve their families, and commit -theft or murder, that is their fault, and I shall not be responsible for -it here, nor hereafter. - -_Doctor_—I fear you view this matter altogether in the light of -selfishness. - -_Peter_ (terribly cornered)—Doctor, no more of this. I have come to have -you examine and dress my wounds, and if you can’t do it, without a -tedious homily on temperance, I will go to the other Apothecary, down -the Bowery, who has long been your rival, and would like the job mighty -well. (This was a clincher, and smashed the Doctor’s impregnable -position.) - -_Doctor_—That is all true, Mr. Cooper, and I will discharge my painful -duty. Here, Samuel, bring me some warm water. (Washes Peter’s bloody -nose and dark eyes, and dresses them. He then feels of his bruised ribs, -and finds them unbroken, though very sore and inflamed.) - -_Peter_—Doctor, what is your charge? - -_Doctor_—Twenty-five cents. - -_Peter_—Business is very dull now, and your rival Apothecary, down the -Bowery, would not have charged more than twenty cents. Can’t you take -twenty, Doctor? - -_Doctor_—Twenty will do, if you will promise to come again, when nigger -Jim beats you. - -_Peter_ (very slightly blushes)—I will certainly come again, when I have -any more business in the Apothecary line. (Gives the Doctor an old -pistareen, and departs, with poultices and bandages over his eyes and -nose.) - - - SUNDAY EVENING. - -_Peter’s Groggery full of political strikers and vagabonds and criminals - of every hue—A primary election to come off early in the morning._ - -_Peter_—Now, boys, I want you to put me through to-morrow. - -_Thieves_—We will—we will. - -_Peter_—If you will, I’ll give you all the most glorious drunk you have -had since the last election. - -_Head Thief_—We will elect a majority of our friends to the Convention, -and you may regard your nomination as sure. - -_Peter_—Give me your hand on that delightful news, and now, boys, what -are you going to drink? As it is Sunday evening, and as some of the -stiff old deacons will soon be coming by on their way to Church, I will -close my shop doors, and then we will all sit down, and drink and smoke -until daylight appears, so that you can be earlier than our adversaries -at the polls, and put in a handful or two of ballots before the polls -open. What say you? - -_Jack_ (one of the primary inspectors)—Go it, Peter,—you are the boy for -me. I put in a large handful of ballots with your name on them half an -hour since. - -_Peter_—That’s the talk, my lad. I will remember you for that, if I’m -elected. (Closes the doors, and brings jug of rum.) Now, boys, fill -yourselves to your throats with rum, and in the mean time, I’ll get some -crackers and cheese. - -_Thieves_ (all drink like fish while Peter is after the crackers and -cheese.) - - (To be continued for a long time.) - - -T. B. JOHNSTON has a complimentary benefit at Wallack’s Theatre on -Saturday evening, the 26th of June. I shall go early, and take a front -seat, and enjoy his extraordinary comicalities, and I advise all to -follow my example. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - Advertisements—25 Cents a line. - - -Credit—From two to four seconds, or as long as the Advertiser can hold -his breath! Letters and Advertisements to be left at No. 128 Nassau -street, third floor, back room. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -FRANCIS B. BALDWIN, WHOLESALE and RETAIL CLOTHING & FURNISHING -WAREHOUSE, 70 and 72 Bowery, between Canal and Hester sts., New York. -Large and elegant assortment of Youths’ and Boys’ Clothing. - - F. B. BALDWIN, - J. G. BARNUM. - -F. B. BALDWIN has just opened his New and Immense Establishment. THE -LARGEST IN THE CITY! An entire New Stock of GENTLEMEN’S, YOUTH’S and -CHILDREN’S CLOTHING, recently manufactured by the best workmen in the -city, is now opened for inspection. Also, a superior stock of FURNISHING -GOODS. All articles are of the Best Quality, and having been purchased -during the crisis, WILL BE SOLD VERY LOW! The Custom Department contains -the greatest variety of CLOTHS, CASSIMERES, and VESTINGS. - -Mr. BALDWIN has associated with him Mr. J. G. BARNUM, who has had great -experience in the business, having been thirty years connected with the -leading Clothing Establishments of the city. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -THOMAS A. DUNN, 506 EIGHTH AVENUE, has a very choice assortment of -Wines, Brandies, Cordials, and Segars, which he will sell at prices that -will yield a fair profit. All my democratic friends, and my immediate -associates in the Boards of Aldermen and Councilmen are respectfully -invited to call in their rambles through Eighth Avenue, and enjoy a good -Havana segar, and nice, sparkling champagne, and very exhilerating -brandy. For the segars, I will charge my political friends and -associates only five pence each, and for the brandy only ten pence per -half gill, and for the champagne only four shillings a glass, or two -dollars a bottle. - - So call, kind friends, and sing a glee, - And laugh and smoke and drink with me, - Sweet Sangaree - Till you can’t see: - (_Chorus_)—At your expense! - (Which pays my rents,) - For my fingers do you see - O’er my nose gyrating free? - - THOMAS A. DUNN, No. 506 Eighth avenue. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -J. VAN TINE, SHANGAE RESTAURANT, No. 2, Dey street, New York. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -COREY AND SON, MERCHANT’S EXCHANGE, Wall street, New York—Notaries -Public and Commissioners—United State’s Passports issued in 36 -hours,—Bills of Exchange, Drafts, and Notes protested,—Marine protests -noted and extended. - - EDWIN F. COREY, - EDWIN F. COREY, JR. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -CARLTON HOUSE, 496 BROADWAY, NEW York. Bates and Holden, Proprietors. - - THEOPHILUS BATES. - OREL J. HOLDEN. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -BOWERY NEWS DEPOT, NO. 177 BOWERY.—Constantly on hand, Daily, Sunday and -Weekly Papers, Monthly Magazines, Play Books, stationary, &c. &c. -English Papers per Steamers. All orders punctually attended to. - - BENNETT & CARROLL - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -TRIMMING MANUFACTURERS.—B. S. YATES & CO., 639 Broadway, New York. - - Fringes, Cords, Tassels, Loops, Gimps, - and Gimp Bands. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -GERARD BETTS & CO., AUCTION AND Commission Merchants, No. 106, Wall -street, corner of Front street, New York. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -JAMES DONNELLY’S COAL YARD,—Twenty-sixth street and Second Avenue. I -always have all kinds of coal on hand, and of the very best quality, -which I will sell as low as any other coal dealer in the United States. - - JAMES DONNELLY. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -FOLEY’S CELEBRATED “GOLD PENS.” For sale by all Stationers and -Jewellers. - - OFFICE AND STORE, - 163 BROADWAY. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -AMERICAN GLASS COMPANY, MANUFACTURE and keep constantly on hand at their -Warehouse, Plain, Moulded, and Cut Flint Glass Ware, in all its -varieties. Also, Druggists’ and Perfumers’ Ware of all Kinds. Wholesale -Warehouses, No. 163 Pearl street, New York, and 54 Kilby street, Boston. -(Factories at South Boston.) D. Burrell & Co., Agents, New York. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -W. W. OSBORN, MERCHANT TAILOR, 9 Chamber street, near Chatham street, -New York. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -JNO. WARD, JR., REAL ESTATE AGENT, Offices No. 5 Tryon Row, corner -Chatham St., (opposite the Park,) New York, and 4th Avenue, near 126th -street, Harlem. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -ROBERT ONDERDONK—THIRTEENTH Ward Hotel, 405 and 407 Grand street, corner -of Clinton street, New York. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -MRS. S. S. BIRD’S LADIES’ AND GENTLEMEN’S Dining and Oyster Saloons, No. -31 Canal street, near East Broadway, and 264 Division street, New York. - - Oysters Pickled to Order. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -WILLIAM M. TWEED, CHAIR, & OFFICE Furniture Dealer and Manufacturer, - -No. 289 Broadway, corner of Read street, New York. Room No. 15. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -TRUSSES, ELASTIC STOCKINGS, SHOULDER Braces, Supporters, Bandages, &c. -H. L. Parsons, E. D. Office, 4 Ann street, under the Museum. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -FASHION HOUSE.—JOSEPH HYDE PROPRIETOR, corner Grand and Essex street. -Wines, Liquors, and Cigars of the best brands. He invites his friends to -give him a call. Prompt and courteous attention given his patrons. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -S. & J. W. BARKER, GENERAL AUCTIONEERS & REAL ESTATE BROKERS. Loans -negotiated, Houses and Stores Rented, Stocks and Bonds Sold at Auction -or Private Sale. - -Also, FURNITURE SALES attended to at private houses. Office, 14 Pine -street, under Commonwealth Bank. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -AUGUST BRENTANO, CORNER OF HOUSTON street & Broadway, has all the latest -Publications, and receives all the Foreign Papers by every steamer. He -also has the back numbers of almost every paper published, including -Branch’s “_Alligator_.” - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -WILLIAM A. CONKLIN, ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLOR AT LAW, No. 176 Chatham -street, New York. Any business entrusted to his charge from citizens of -this city or any part of the country, will receive prompt and faithful -attention, and be conducted on reasonable terms. - - WILLIAM A. CONKLIN. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -HERRING’S PATENT CHAMPION FIRE AND BURGLAR Proof Safe, with Hall’s -Patent Powder Proof Locks, afford the greatest security of any Safe in -the world. Also, Sideboard and Parlor Safes, of elegant workmanship and -finish, for plate, &c. S. C. HERRING & CO., - - 251 Broadway. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -JAMES MELENFY, (SUCCESSOR TO SAMUEL Hopper,) Grocer, and Wholesale and -Retail Dealer in Pure Country Milk. Teas, Coffee, Sugars & Spices. -Flour, Butter, Lard, Cheese, Eggs &c. No. 158, Eighth Avenue, Near 18th -Street, New York. Families supplied by leaving their address at the -Store. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -BOOT & SHOE EMPORIUMS. EDWIN A. BROOKS, Importer and Manufacturer of -Boots, Shoes & Gaiters, Wholesale and Retail, No. 575 Broadway, and 150 -Fulton Street, New York. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -MCSPEDON AND BAKER’S STATIONERY WAREHOUSE and Envelope Manufactory, Nos. -29, 31, and 33, Beekman Street, New York. - -ENVELOPES of all patterns, styles, and quality, on hand, and made to -order for the trade and others, by Steam Machinery. Patented April 8th, -1856. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -COZZENS’ HOTEL COACHES,—STABLE, Nos. 34 and 36 Canal Street, New York. - -I will strive hard to please all those generous citizens who will kindly -favor me with their patronage. - - EDWARD VAN RANST. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -J. W. MASON, MANUFACTURER, WHOLESALE and Retail dealers in all kinds of -Chairs, Wash Stands, Settees, &c. 377 & 379 Pearl Street, New York. - -Cane and Wood Seat Chairs, in Boxes, for Shipping. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -BENJAMIN JONES, COMMISSION DEALER, IN Real Estate. Houses and stores and -lots for sale in all parts of the city. Office at the junction of -Broadway, Seventh Avenue, and Forty-Sixth Street. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -FULLMER AND WOOD, CARRIAGE Manufacturers, 239 West 19th Street, New -York. - -Horse-shoeing done with despatch, and in the most scientific manner, and -on reasonable terms. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -W. E. KNAPP’S NEWS DEPOT, 279 BLEEKER ST., near Barrow street. -Subscriptions for Dailies, Weeklies, and Monthlies, which will be served -as soon as issued. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -CHEAP PERIODICAL AND PAMPHLET BINDERY, No. 50 Ann street, N. Y. F. S. -Pittman, successor to H. H. Randall. Mr. Gouverneur Carr and N. S. -Putnam have purchased an interest in the concern. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -P. C. GODFREY, STATIONER, BOOKSELLER, AND General News dealer, 831 -Broadway, New York, near 13th street. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -SAMUEL SNEDEN, SHIP & STEAMBOAT BUILDER.—My Office is at No. 31 Corlears -street, New York; and my yards and residence are at Greenpoint. I have -built Ships and Steamers for every portion of the Globe, for a long term -of years, and continue to do so on reasonable terms. - - SAMUEL SNEDEN. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -JOHN B. WEBB, BOAT BUILDER, 718 WATER STREET. My Boats are of models and -materials unsurpassed by those of any Boat Builder in the World. Give me -a call, and if I don’t please you, I will disdain to charge you for what -does not entirely satisfy you. - - JOHN B. WEBB. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -ALANSON T. BRIGGS—DEALER IN FLOUR BARRELS, Molasses Casks, Water, and -all other kinds of Casks. Also, new flour barrels and half-barrels; a -large supply constantly on hand. My Stores are at Nos. 62, 63, 64, 69, -73, 75, 77 and 79 Rutger’s Slip; at 235, 237, and 239 Cherry street; -also, in South and Water streets, between Pike and Rutger’s Slip, -extending from street to street. My yards in Williamsburgh are at Furman -& Co.’s Dock. My yards in New York are at the corner of Water and -Gouverneur streets; and in Washington street, near Canal; and at Leroy -Place. My general Office is at 64 Rutger’s Slip. - - ALANSON T. BRIGGS. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -FULTON IRON WORKS.—JAMES MURPHY & CO., manufacturers of Marine and Land -Engines, Boilers, &c. Iron and Brass Castings. Foot of Cherry street, -East River. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -BRADDICK & HOGAN, SAILMAKERS, No. 272 South Street, New York. - -Awnings, Tents, and Bags made to order. - - JESSE A. BRADDICK, - RICHARD HOGAN. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -WILLIAM M. SOMERVILLE, WHOLESALE AND Retail Druggist and Apothecary, 205 -Bleecker-st., corner Minetta, opposite Cottage Place, New York. All the -popular Patent Medicines, fresh Swedish Leeches, Cupping, &c. -Physicians’ Prescriptions accurately prepared. - - WM. M. SOMERVILLE. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -A. W. & T. HUME, MERCHANT TAILORS, No. 82 Sixth Avenue, New York. We -keep a large and elegant assortment of every article that a gentleman -requires. We make Coats, Vests and Pants, after the latest Parisian -fashions, and on reasonable terms. - - A. W. & T. HUME. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -THE WASHINGTON, BY BARTLETT & GATES, No. 1 Broadway, New York. Come and -see us, good friends, and eat and drink and be merry, in the same -capacious and patriotic halls where the immortal Washington’s voice and -laugh once reverberated. - - O come to our Hotel, - And you’ll be treated well. - - BARTLETT & GATES. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -J. N. GENIN, FASHIONABLE HATTER, 214 Broadway, New York. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -GENIN’S LADIES’ & CHILDREN’S OUTFITTING Bazaar, 513 Broadway, (St. -Nicholas Hotel, N. Y.) - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -EDWARD PHALON & SON, 497 and 517 Broadway, New York—Depots for the sale -of Perfumery, and every article connected with the Toilet. - -We now introduce the “BOUQUET D’OGARITA, or Wild Flower of Mexico,” -which is superior to any thing of the kind in the civilized world. - - EDWARD PHALON & SON. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -EXCELSIOR PRINTING HOUSE, 211 CENTRE ST., IS furnished with every -facility, latest improved presses, and the newest styles of type—for the -execution of Book, Job and Ornamental Printing. Call and see specimens. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -CHARLES FRANCIS, SADDLER, (ESTABLISHED IN 1808,) Sign of the Golden -Horse, 39 Bowery, New York, opposite the Theatre. Mr. F. will sell his -articles as low as any other Saddler in America, and warrant them to be -equal to any in the World. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -H. N. WILD, STEAM CANDY MANUFACTURER, No. 451 Broadway, bet. Grand and -Howard streets, New York. My Iceland Moss and Flaxseed Candy will cure -Coughs and Sneezes in a very short time. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -JAMES GRIFFITHS, (Late CHATFIELD & GRIFFITHS,) No. 273 Grand st., New -York. A large stock of well-selected Cloths, Cassimeres, Vestings, &c., -on hand. Gent’s, Youths’ and Children’s Clothing, Cut and Made in the -most approved style. All cheap for Cash. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -J. AGATE & CO., MEN’S FURNISHING GOODS and Shirt Manufacturers, 256 -Broadway, New York. - -Shirts made to order and guaranteed to fit. - -J. AGATE, F. W. TALKINGTON. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -BILLIARD TABLES—PHELAN’S IMPROVED BILLIARD Tables and Combination -Cushions—Protected by letters patent, dated Feb. 19, 1856; Oct. 28, -1856; Dec. 8, 1857; Jan. 12, 1858. The recent improvements in these -Tables make them unsurpassed in the world. They are now offered to the -scientific Billiard players as combining speed with truth, never before -obtained in any Billiard Table. Sales-rooms Nos. 786 and 788 Broadway, -New York. Manufactory No. 53 Ann Street. - - O’CONNOR & COLLENDOR, Sole Manufacturers. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -S. L. OLMSTEAD, IMPORTER, MANUFACTURER and Jobber of Men’s Furnishing -Goods, No. 24 Barclay Street, corner of Church, New York. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -C. B. HATCH, HILLER & MERSEREAU, Importers and Jobbers of Men’s -Furnishing Goods, and Manufacturers of the Golden Hill Shirts, 99 -Chambers Street, N. E. corner Church Street, New York. - - ---------------------------------------------------------------- - - -L. A. ROSENMILLER, DRUGGIST, NO. 172 EIGHTH Avenue, New York. Cupping & -Leeching. Medicines at all hours. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Stephen H. Branch's Alligator Vol. 1 -no. 11, July 3, 1858, by Stephen H. Branch - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK STEPHEN BRANCH'S ALLIGATOR, JULY 3, 1958 *** - -***** This file should be named 54818-0.txt or 54818-0.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/4/8/1/54818/ - -Produced by The Online Distributed Proofreading Team at -http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images -generously made available by The Internet Archive) - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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