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diff --git a/old/54711.txt b/old/54711.txt deleted file mode 100644 index e45eded..0000000 --- a/old/54711.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,2023 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook, Sweet and Twenty, by Floyd Dell - - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - - -Title: Sweet and Twenty - A Comedy in One Act - - -Author: Floyd Dell - - - -Release Date: May 12, 2017 [eBook #54711] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) - - -***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SWEET AND TWENTY*** - - -E-text prepared by MFR, Nahum Maso i Carcases, and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net) from page images generously made -available by Internet Archive (https://archive.org) - - - -Note: Images of the original pages are available through - Internet Archive. See - https://archive.org/details/sweettwentycomed00dell - - -Transcriber's note: - - Text in Italics is indicated between _underscores_. - - Text in Small Capitals has been replaced by regular - uppercase text. - - - - - -SWEET AND TWENTY - - * * * * * - - _Stewart Kidd Dramatic Anthologies_ - - Fifty Contemporary One-Act Plays - - Edited by - - FRANK SHAY and PIERRE LOVING - -This volume contains FIFTY REPRESENTATIVE ONE-ACT PLAYS of the MODERN -THEATER, chosen from the dramatic works of contemporary writers all -over the world and is the second volume in the _Stewart Kidd Dramatic -Anthologies_, the first being European Theories of the Drama, by -Barrett H. Clark, which has been so enthusiastically received. - -The editors have scrupulously sifted countless plays and have selected -the best available in English. One-half the plays have never before -been published in book form; thirty-one are no longer available in any -other edition. - -The work satisfies a long-felt want for a handy collection of the -choicest plays produced by the art theaters all over the world. It is -a complete repertory for a little theater, a volume for the study of -the modern drama, a representative collection of the world's best short -plays. - - - CONTENTS - - AUSTRIA - Schnitzler (Arthur)--Literature - - BELGIUM - Maeterlinck (Maurice)--The Intruder - - BOLIVIA - More (Federico)--Interlude - - FRANCE - Ancey (George)--M. Lamblin - Porto-Riche (Georges)--Francoise's Luck - - GERMANY - Ettinger (Karl)--Altruism - von Hofmannsthal (Hugo)--Madonna Dianora - Wedekind (Frank)--The Tenor - - GREAT BRITAIN - Bennett (Arnold)--A Good Woman - Calderon (George)--The Little Stone House. - Cannan (Gilbert)--Mary's Wedding - Dowson (Ernest)--The Pierrot of the Minute. - Ellis (Mrs. Havelock)--The Subjection of Kezia - Hankin (St. John)--The Constant Lover - - INDIA - Mukerji (Dhan Gopal)--The Judgment of Indra - - IRELAND - Gregory (Lady)--The Workhouse Ward - - HOLLAND - Speenhoff (J. H.)--Louise - - HUNGARY - Biro (Lajos)--The Grandmother - - ITALY - Giocosa (Giuseppe)--The Rights of the Soul - - RUSSIA - Andreyev (Leonid)--Love of One's Neighbor - Tchekoff (Anton)--The Boor - - SPAIN - Benevente (Jacinto)--His Widow's Husband - Quinteros (Serafina and Joaquin Alverez)--A Sunny Morning - - SWEDEN - Strindberg (August)--The Creditor - Wied (Gustave)--Autumn Fires - - UNITED STATES - Beach (Lewis)--Brothers - Cowan (Sada)--In the Morgue - Crocker (Bosworth)--The Baby Carriage - Cronyn (George W.)--A Death in Fever Flat - Davies (Mary Carolyn)--The Slave with Two Faces - Day (Frederick L.)--The Slump - Flanner (Hildegard)--Mansions - Glaspell (Susan)--Trifles - Gerstenberg (Alice)--The Pot Boiler - Helburn (Theresa)--Enter the Hero - Hudson (Holland)--The Shepherd in the Distance - Kemp (Harry)--Boccaccio's Untold Tale - Langner (Lawrence)--Another Way Out - MacMillan (Mary)--The Shadowed Star - Millay (Edna St. Vincent)--Aro da Capo - Moeller (Philip)--Helena's Husband - O'Neill (Eugene)--Ile - Stevens (Thomas Wood)--The Nursery Maid of Heaven - Stevens (Wallace)--Three Travelers Watch a Sunrise - Tompkins (Frank G.)--Sham - Walker (Stuart)--The Medicine Show - Wellman (Rita)--For All Time - Wilde (Percival)--The Finger of God - - YIDDISH - Ash (Sholom)--Night - Pinski (David)--Forgotten Souls - - _Large 8vo, 585 pages. Net, $5.00_ - - - _Send for Complete Dramatic Catalogue_ - - STEWART KIDD COMPANY - PUBLISHERS, CINCINNATI, U. S. A. - - * * * * * - - -Stewart Kidd Modern Plays - -Edited by Frank Shay - -SWEET AND TWENTY - - - * * * * * - - _Stewart Kidd Modern Plays_ - - _Edited by_ FRANK SHAY - - -To meet the immensely increased demands of the play-reading public and -those interested in the modern drama, Stewart Kidd are issuing under -the general editorship of Frank Shay a series of plays from the pens -of the world's best contemporary writers. No effort is being spared -to secure the best work available, and the plays are issued in a form -that is at once attractive to readers and suited to the needs of the -performer and producer. _Buffalo Express_: "Each play is of merit. Each -is unlike the other. The group furnishes a striking example of the -realistic trend of the modern drama." - -From time to time special announcements will be printed giving complete -lists of the plays. - -SHAM, a Social Satire in One Act. _By Frank G. Tompkins._ - -Originally produced by Sam Hume, at the Arts and Crafts Theatre, -Detroit. - -_San Francisco Bulletin_: "The lines are new and many of them are -decidedly clever." - -_Providence Journal_: "An ingenious and merry little one-act play." - - -THE SHEPHERD IN THE DISTANCE, a Pantomime in One Act. _By Holland -Hudson._ Originally produced by the Washington Square Players. - -_Oakland Tribune_: "A pleasing pantomime of the Ancient East." - - -MANSIONS, a Play in One Act. _By Hildegarde Flanner._ Originally -produced by the Indiana Little Theatre Society. - -_Three Arts Magazine_: "This thoughtful and well-written play of -Characters and Ideals has become a favorite with Little Theatres and is -now available in print." - - -HEARTS TO MEND, a Fantasy in One Act. _By H. A. Overstreet._ Originally -produced by the Fireside Players, White Plains, N. Y. - -_St. Louis Star_: "It is a light whimsy and well carried out." - -_San Francisco Chronicle_: "No one is likely to hear or read it without -real and legitimate pleasure." - - -SIX WHO PASS WHILE THE LENTILS BOIL. _By Stuart Walker._ - -Originally produced by the Portmanteau Players at Christodora House, -New York City. - -_Brooklyn Eagle_: "Literary without being pedantic, and dramatic -without being noisy." - - -OTHERS TO FOLLOW. _Bound in Art Paper._ _Each, net, .50_ - - * * * * * - - -SWEET AND TWENTY - -A Comedy in One Act - -by - -FLOYD DELL - -Author of Moon Calf - - -First produced by the Provincetown Players, New York City - January 25, 1918, with the following cast: - - THE YOUNG WOMAN _Edna St. Vincent Millay_ - THE YOUNG MAN _Ordway Tead_ - THE AGENT _Otto Liveright_ - THE GUARD _Louis Ell_ - - - - - - -[Illustration] - -Cincinnati -Stewart Kidd Company -Publishers - -Copyright, 1921 -Stewart & Kidd Company -All Rights Reserved -Copyright in England - -SWEET AND TWENTY is fully protected by the copyright law, all -requirements of which have been complied with. No performance, either -professional or amateur, may be given without the written permission -of the author or his representative, Stewart Kidd Company, Cincinnati, -Ohio. - - - - - SWEET AND TWENTY - - -SCENE--_A corner of the cherry orchard on the country place of the late -Mr. Boggley, now on sale and open for inspection to prospective buyers. -The cherry orchard, now in full bloom, is a very pleasant place. There -is a green-painted rustic bench beside the path...._ - -(_This scene can be effectively produced on a small stage by a -back-drop painted a blue-green color, with a single conventionalized -cherry branch painted across it, and two three-leaved screens masking -the wings, painted in blue-green with a spray of cherry blossoms_). - -_A young woman, dressed in a light summer frock and carrying a parasol, -drifts in from the back. She sees the bench, comes over to it and sits -down with an air of petulant weariness._ - -_A handsome young man enters from the right. He stops short in surprise -on seeing the charming stranger who lolls upon the bench. He takes off -his hat._ - - -HE - -Oh, I beg your pardon! - -SHE - -Oh, you needn't! I've no right to be here, either. - -HE - -(_Coming down to her_) Now what do you mean by that? - -SHE - -I thought perhaps you were playing truant, as I am. - -HE - -Playing truant? - -SHE - -I was looking at the house, you know. And I got tired and ran away. - -HE - -Well, to tell the truth, so did I. It's dull work, isn't it? - -SHE - -I've been upstairs and down for two hours. That family portrait gallery -finished me. It was so old and gloomy and dead that I felt as if I were -dead myself. I just had to do something. I wanted to jab my parasol -through the window-pane. I understood just how the suffragettes felt. -But I was afraid of shocking the agent. He is such a meek little man, -and he seemed to think so well of me. If I had broken the window I -would have shattered his ideals of womanhood, too, I'm afraid. So I -just slipped away quietly and came here. - -HE - -I've only been there half an hour and we--I've only been in the -basement. That's why our tours of inspection didn't bring us together -sooner. I've been cross-examining the furnace. Do you understand -furnaces? (_He sits down beside her_) I don't. - -SHE - -Do you like family portraits? I hate 'em! - -HE - -What! Do the family portraits go with the house? - -SHE - -No, thank heaven. They've been bequeathed to the Metropolitan Museum of -Horrors, I understand. They're valuable historically--early colonial -governors and all that sort of stuff. But there is someone with me -who--who takes a deep interest in such things. - -HE - -(_frowning at a sudden memory_) Hm. Didn't I see you at that real -estate office in New York yesterday? - -SHE - -Yes. _He_ was with me then. - -HE (_compassionately_) - -I--I thought I remembered seeing you with--with him. - -SHE (_cheerfully_) - -Isn't he _just_ the sort of man who would be interested in family -portraits? - -HE (_confused_) - -Well--since you ask me--I--! - -SHE - -Oh, that's all right. Tubby's a dear, in spite of his funny old ideas. -I like him very much. - -HE - -(_gulping the pill_) Yes.... - -SHE - -He's so anxious to please me in buying this house. I suppose it's -all right to have a house, but I'd like to become acquainted with it -gradually. I'd like to feel that there was always some corner left to -explore--some mystery saved up for a rainy day. Tubby can't understand -that. He drags me everywhere, explaining how we'll keep this and change -that--dormer windows here and perhaps a new wing there.... I suppose -you've been rebuilding the house, too? - -HE - -No. Merely decided to turn that sunny south room into a study. It would -make a very pleasant place to work. But if you really want the place, -I'd hate to take it away from you. - -SHE - -I was just going to say that if _you_ really wanted it, _I'd_ withdraw. -It was Tubby's idea to buy it, you know--not mine. You _do_ want it, -don't you? - -HE - -I can't say that I do. It's so infernally big. But Maria thinks I ought -to have it. (_Explanatorily_) Maria is-- - -SHE (_gently_) - -She's--the one who _is_ interested in furnaces, I understand. I saw -her with you at the real-estate office yesterday. Well--furnaces are -necessary, I suppose. (_There is a pause, which she breaks suddenly_) -Do you see that bee? - -HE - -A bee? (_He follows her gaze up to a cluster of blossoms._) - -SHE - -Yes--there! (_Affectionately_) The rascal! There he goes. (_Their eyes -follow the flight of the bee across the orchard. There is a silence, in -which Maria and Tubby drift into the limbo of forgotten things. Alone -together beneath the blossoms, a spell seems to have fallen upon them. -She tries to think of something to say--and at last succeeds._) - -SHE - -Have you heard the story of the people who used to live here? - -HE - -No; why? - -SHE - -An agent was telling us. It's quite romantic--and rather sad. You -see, the man that built this house was in love with a girl. He was -building it for her--as a surprise. But he had neglected to mention -to her that he was in love with her. And so, in pique, she married -another man, though she was really in love with him. The news came -just when he had finished the house. He shut it up for a year or two, -but eventually married someone else, and they lived here for ten -years--most unhappily. Then they went abroad, and the house was sold. -It was bought, curiously enough, by the husband of the girl he had been -in love with. They lived here till they died--hating each other to the -end, the agent says. - -HE - -It gives me the shivers. To think of that house, haunted by the -memories of wasted love! Which of us, I wonder, will have to live in -it? I don't want to. - -SHE (_prosaically_) - -Oh, don't take it so seriously as all that. If one can't live in a -house where there's been an unhappy marriage, why, good heavens, where -_is_ one going to live? Most marriages, I fancy, are unhappy. - -HE - -A bitter philosophy for one so-- - -SHE - -Nonsense! But listen to the rest of the story. The most interesting -part is about this very orchard. - -HE - -Really! - -SHE - -Yes. This orchard, it seems, was here before the house was. It was part -of an old farm where he and she--the unhappy lovers, you know--stopped -one day, while they were out driving, and asked for something to eat. -The farmer's wife was busy, but she gave them each a glass of milk, and -told them they could eat all the cherries they wanted. So they picked a -hatful of cherries, and ate them, sitting on a bench like this one. And -then he fell in love with her.... - -HE - -And ... didn't tell her so.... (_She glances at him in alarm. His -self-possession has vanished. He is pale and frightened, but there is a -desperate look in his eyes, as if some unknown power were forcing him -to do something very rash. In short, he seems like a young man who has -just fallen in love._) - -SHE (_hastily_) - -So you see this orchard is haunted, too! - -HE - -I feel it. I seem to hear the ghost of that old-time lover whispering -to me.... - -SHE (_provocatively_) - -Indeed! What does he say? - -HE - -He says: "I was a coward; you must be bold. I was silent; you must -speak out." - -SHE (_mischievously_) - -That's very curious--because that old lover isn't dead at all. He's a -baronet or something in England. - -HE (_earnestly_) - -His youth is dead; and it is his youth that speaks to me. - -SHE (_quickly_) - -You mustn't believe all that ghosts tell you. - -HE - -Oh, but I must. For they know the folly of silence--the bitterness of -cowardice. - -SHE - -The circumstances were--slightly--different, weren't they? - -HE (_stubbornly_) - -I don't care! - -SHE (_soberly_) - -You know perfectly well it's no use. - -HE - -I can't help that! - -SHE - -Please! You simply mustn't! It's disgraceful! - -HE - -What's disgraceful? - -SHE (_confused_) - -What you are going to say. - -HE (_simply_) - -Only that I love you. What is there disgraceful about that? It's -beautiful! - -SHE - -It's wrong. - -HE - -It's inevitable. - -SHE - -Why inevitable? Can't you talk with a girl in a cherry orchard for half -an hour without falling in love with her? - -HE - -Not if the girl is you. - -SHE - -But why especially _me_? - -HE - -I don't know. Love--is a mystery. I only know that I was destined to -love you. - -SHE - -How can you be so sure? - -HE - -Because you have changed the world for me. It's as though I had been -groping about in the dark, and then--sunrise! And there's a queer -feeling here. (_He puts his hand on his heart_) To tell the honest -truth, there's a still queerer feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's -a gone feeling, if you must know. And my knees are weak. I know now why -men used to fall on their knees when they told a girl they loved her; -it was because they couldn't stand up. And there's a feeling in my feet -as though I were walking on air. And-- - -SHE (_faintly_) - -That's enough! - -HE - -And I could die for you and be glad of the chance. It's perfectly -absurd, but it's absolutely true. I've never spoken to you before, and -heaven knows I may never get a chance to speak to you again, but I'd -never forgive myself if I didn't say this to you now. I love you! love -you! love you! Now tell me I'm a fool. Tell me to go. Anything--I've -said my say.... Why don't you speak? - -SHE - -I--I've nothing to say--except--except that I--well--(_almost -inaudibly_) I feel some of those symptoms myself. - -HE (_triumphantly_) - -You love me! - -SHE - -I--don't know. Yes. Perhaps. - -HE - -Then kiss me! - -SHE (_doubtfully_) - -No.... - -HE - -Kiss me! - -SHE (_tormentedly_) - -Oh, what's the use? - -HE - -I don't know. I don't care. I only know that we love each other. - -SHE - -(_after a moment's hesitation, desperately_) I don't care, either! I -_do_ want to kiss you. (_She does.... He is the first to awake from the -ecstasy._) - -HE - -It is wicked-- - -SHE (_absently_) - -Is it? - -HE - -But, oh heaven! kiss me again! (_She does._) - -SHE - -Darling! - -HE - -Do you suppose anyone is likely to come this way? - -SHE - -No. - -HE (_speculatively_) - -Your husband is probably still in the portrait gallery.... - -SHE - -My husband! (_Drawing away_) What do you mean? (_Thoroughly awake now_) -You didn't think--? (_She jumps up and laughs convulsively_) He thought -poor old Tubby was my husband!! - -HE - -(_staring up at her bewildered_) Why, isn't he your husband? - -SHE (_scornfully_) - -No!! He's my uncle! - -HE - -Your unc-- - -SHE - -Yes, of course! (_Indignantly_) Do you suppose I would be married to a -man that's fat and bald and forty years old? - -HE (_distressed_) - -I--I beg your pardon. I did think so. - -SHE - -Just because you saw me with him? How ridiculous! - -HE - -It was a silly mistake. But--the things you said! You spoke -so--realistically--about marriage. - -SHE - -It was _your_ marriage I was speaking about. (_With hasty compunction_) -Oh, I beg your-- - -HE - -_My_ marriage! (_He rises_) Good heavens! And to whom, pray, did you -think I was married? (_A light dawning_) To Maria? Why, Maria is my -aunt! - -SHE - -Yes--of course. How stupid of me. - -HE - -Let's get this straight. Are you married to _anybody_? - -SHE - -Certainly not. As if I would let anybody make love to me if I were! - -HE - -Now don't put on airs. You did something quite as improper. You kissed -a married man. - -SHE - -I didn't. - -HE - -It's the same thing. You _thought_ I was married. - -SHE - -But you _aren't_. - -HE - -No. I'm _not_ married. And--and--_you're_ not married. (_The logic of -the situation striking him all of a sudden_) In fact--! (_He pauses, -rather alarmed._) - -SHE - -Yes? - -HE - -In fact--well--there's no reason in the world why we _shouldn't_ make -love to each other! - -SHE - -(_equally startled_) Why--that's so! - -HE - -Then--then--shall we? - -SHE - -(_sitting down and looking demurely at her toes_) Oh, not if you don't -want to! - -HE - -(_adjusting himself to the situation_) Well--under the circumstances--I -suppose I ought to begin by asking you to marry me.... - -SHE - -(_languidly, with a provoking glance_) You don't seem very anxious to. - -HE - -(_feeling at a disadvantage_) It isn't that--but--well-- - -SHE (_lightly_) - -Well what? - -HE - -Dash it all, I don't know your name! - -SHE - -(_looking at him with wild curiosity_) That didn't seem to stop you a -while ago.... - -HE (_doggedly_) - -Well, then--will you marry me? - -SHE (_promptly_) - -No. - -HE (_surprised_) - -No! Why do you say that? - -SHE (_coolly_) - -Why should I marry you? I know nothing about you. I've known you for -less than an hour. - -HE (_sardonically_) - -That fact didn't seem to keep you from kissing me. - -SHE - -Besides--I don't like the way you go about it. If you'd propose the -same way you made love to me, maybe I'd accept you. - -HE - -All right. (_Dropping on one knee before her_) Beloved! (_An awkward -pause_) No, I can't do it. (_He gets up and distractedly dusts off his -knees with his handkerchief_) I'm very sorry. - -SHE - -(_with calm inquiry_) Perhaps it's because you don't love me any more? - -HE (_fretfully_) - -Of course I love you! - -SHE (_coldly_) - -But you don't want to marry me.... I see. - -HE - -Not at all! I _do_ want to marry you. But-- - -SHE - -Well? - -HE - -Marriage is a serious matter. Now don't take offense! I only meant -that--well--(_He starts again_) We _are_ in love with each other, and -that's the important thing. But, as you said, we don't know each other. -I've no doubt that when we get acquainted we will like each other -better still. But we've got to get acquainted first. - -SHE (_rising_) - -You're just like Tubby buying a house. You want to know all about it. -Well! I warn you that you'll never know all about me. So you needn't -try. - -HE (_apologetically_) - -It was _your_ suggestion. - -SHE (_impatiently_) - -Oh, all right! Go ahead and cross-examine me if you like. I'll tell -you to begin with that I'm perfectly healthy, and that there's no T. -B., insanity, or Socialism in my family. What else do you want to know? - -HE (_hesitantly_) - -Why did you put Socialism in? - -SHE - -Oh, just for fun. You aren't a Socialist, are you? - -HE - -Yes. (_Earnestly_) Do you know what Socialism is? - -SHE (_innocently_) - -It's the same thing as Anarchy, isn't it? - -HE (_gently_) - -No. At least not my kind. I believe in municipal ownership of street -cars, and all that sort of thing. I'll give you some books to read. - -SHE - -Well, I never ride in street cars, so I don't care whether they're -municipally owned or not. By the way, do you dance? - -HE - -No. - -SHE - -You must learn right away. I can't bother to teach you myself, but I -know where you can get private lessons and become really good in a -month. It is stupid not to be able to dance. - -HE - -(_as if he had tasted quinine_) I can see myself doing the tango! Grr! - -SHE - -The tango went out long ago, my dear. - -HE - -(_with great decision_) Well--I _won't_ learn to dance. You might as -well know that to begin with. - -SHE - -And I won't read your old books on Socialism. You might as well know -_that to begin with_! - -HE - -Come, come! This will never do. You see, my dear, it's simply that I -_can't_ dance, and there's no use for me to try to learn. - -SHE - -Anybody can learn. I've made expert dancers out of the awkwardest men! - -HE - -But, you see, I've no inclination toward dancing. It's out of my world. - -SHE - -And I've no inclination toward municipal ownership. _It's_ out of _my_ -world! - -HE - -It ought not to be out of the world of any intelligent person. - -SHE - -(_turning her back on him_) All right--if you want to call me stupid! - -HE - -(_turning and looking away meditatively_) It appears that we have very -few tastes in common. - -SHE - -(_tapping her foot_) So it seems. - -HE - -If we married we might be happy for a month-- - -SHE - -Perhaps. (_They remain standing with their backs to each other._) - -HE - -And then--the old story. Quarrels.... - -SHE - -I never could bear quarrels.... - -HE - -An unhappy marriage.... - -SHE - -(_realizing it_) Oh! - -HE - -(_hopelessly turning toward her_) I can't marry you. - -SHE - -(_recovering quickly and facing him with a smile_) Nobody asked you, -sir, she said! - -HE - -(_with a gesture of finality_) Well--there seems to be no more to say. - -SHE (_sweetly_) - -Except good-bye. - -HE (_firmly_) - -Good-bye, then. (_He holds out his hand._) - -SHE - -(_taking it_) Good-bye! - -HE - -(_taking her other hand--after a pause, helplessly_) Good-bye! - -SHE - -(_drawing in his eyes_) Good-bye! (_They cling to each other, and are -presently lost in a passionate embrace. He breaks loose and stamps -away, then turns to her._) - -HE - -Damn it all, we _do_ love each other! - -SHE - -(_wiping her eyes_) What a pity that is the only taste we have in -common! - -HE - -Do you suppose that is enough? - -SHE - -I wish it were! - -HE - -A month of happiness-- - -SHE - -Yes! - -HE - -And then--wretchedness. - -SHE - -No--never! - -HE - -We mustn't do it. - -SHE - -I suppose not. - -HE - -Come, let us control ourselves. - -SHE - -Yes, let's. (_They take hands again._) - -HE - -(_with an effort_) I wish you happiness. I--I'll go to Europe for a -year. Try to forget me. - -SHE - -I shall be married when you get back--perhaps. - -HE - -I hope it's somebody that's not bald and fat and forty. Otherwise--! - -SHE - -And you--for goodness sake! marry a girl that's very young and very, -very pretty. That will help. - -HE - -We mustn't prolong this. If we stay together another minute-- - -SHE - -Then go! - -HE - -I can't go! - -SHE - -You must, darling! You must! - -HE - -Oh, if somebody would only come along! (_They are leaning toward each -other, dizzy upon the brink of another kiss, when somebody does come--a -short, mild-looking man in a Derby hat. There is an odd gleam in his -eyes_). - -THE INTRUDER (_startled_) - -Excuse me! (_They turn and stare at him, but their hands cling fast to -each other._) - -SHE (_faintly_) - -The Agent! - -THE AGENT - -(_in despairing accents_) Too late! Too late! - -THE YOUNG MAN - -No! Just in time! - -THE AGENT - -Too late, I say! I will go. (_He turns._) - -THE YOUNG MAN - -No! Stay! - -THE AGENT - -What's the use? It has already begun. What good can I do now? - -THE YOUNG MAN - -I'll show you what good you can do now. Come here! (_The Agent -approaches_) Can you unloose my hands from those of this young woman? - -THE YOUNG WOMAN - -(_haughtily releasing herself and walking away_) You needn't trouble! I -can do it myself. - -THE YOUNG MAN - -Thank you. It was utterly beyond my power. (_To the Agent_) Will you -kindly take hold of me and move me over _there_? (_The Agent propels -him away from the girl_) Thank you. At this distance I can perhaps make -my farewell in a seemly and innocuous manner. - -THE AGENT - -Young man, you will not say farewell to that young lady for ten -days--and perhaps never! - -THE YOUNG WOMAN - -What! - -THE AGENT - -They have arranged it all. - -THE YOUNG MAN - -_Who_ has arranged _what_? - -THE AGENT - -Your aunt, Miss Brooke--and (_to the young woman_) your uncle, Mr. -Egerton--(_The young people turn and stare at each other in amazement._) - -THE YOUNG MAN - -Egerton! Are you Helen Egerton? - -HELEN - -And are you George Brooke? - -THE AGENT - -Your aunt and uncle have just discovered each other up at the house, -and they have arranged for you all to take dinner together to-night, -and then go to a ten-day house-party at Mr. Egerton's place on Long -Island. (_Grimly_) The reason of all this will be plain to you. They -want you two to get married. - -GEORGE - -Then we're done for! We'll have to get married now whether we want to -or not! - -HELEN - -What! Just to please _them_? I shan't do it! - -GEORGE (_gloomily_) - -You don't know my Aunt Maria. - -HELEN - -And Tubby will try to bully me, I suppose. But I won't do it--no matter -what he says! - -THE AGENT - -Pardon what may seem an impertinence, Miss; but is it really true that -you don't want to marry this young man? - -HELEN (_flaming_) - -I suppose because you saw me in his arms--! Oh, I want to, all right, -but-- - -THE AGENT (_mildly_) - -Then what seems to be the trouble? - -HELEN - -I--oh, you explain to him, George. (_She goes to the bench and, sits -down._) - -GEORGE - -Well, it's this way. As you may have deduced from what you saw, we are -madly in love with each other-- - -HELEN - -(_from the bench_) But I'm not madly in love with municipal ownership. -That's the chief difficulty. - -GEORGE - -No, the chief difficulty is that I refuse to entertain even a platonic -affection for the tango. - -HELEN (_irritably_) - -I told you the tango had gone out long ago! - -GEORGE - -Well, then, the maxixe. - -HELEN - -Stupid! - -GEORGE - -And there you have it! No doubt it seems ridiculous to you. - -THE AGENT (_gravely_) - -Not at all, my boy. I've known marriage to go to smash on far less -than that. When you come to think of it, a taste for dancing and a -taste for municipal ownership stand at the two ends of the earth away -from each other. They represent two different ways of taking life. -And if two people who live in the same house can't agree on those two -things, they'd disagree on ten thousand things that came up every day. -And what's the use for two different kinds of beings to try to live -together? It doesn't work, no matter how much love there is between -them. - -GEORGE - -(_rushing up to him in surprise and gratification, and shaking his hand -warmly_) Then you're our friend. You will help us not to get married! - -THE AGENT - -Your aunt is very set on it--and your uncle, too, Miss! - -HELEN - -We must find some way to get out of it, or they'll have us cooped up -together in that house before we know it. (_Rising and coming over to -the Agent_) Can't you think up some scheme? - -THE AGENT - -Perhaps I can, and perhaps I can't. I'm a bachelor myself, Miss, and -that means that I've thought up many a scheme to get out of marriage -myself. - -HELEN (_outraged_) - -You old scoundrel! - -THE AGENT - -Oh, it's not so bad as you may think, Miss. I've always gone through -the marriage ceremony to please them. But that's not what I call -marriage. - -GEORGE - -Then what do you call marriage? - -HELEN - -Yes, I'd like to know! - -THE AGENT - -Marriage, my young friends, is an iniquitous arrangement devised by the -Devil himself for driving all the love out of the hearts of lovers. -They start out as much in love with each other as you two are to-day, -and they end by being as sick of the sight of each other as you two -will be twenty years hence if I don't find a way of saving you alive -out of the Devil's own trap. It's not lack of love that's the trouble -with marriage--it's marriage itself. And when I say marriage, I don't -mean promising to love, honor, and obey, for richer, for poorer, in -sickness and in health till death do you part--that's only human nature -to wish and to attempt. And it might be done if it weren't for the -iniquitous arrangement of marriage. - -GEORGE (_puzzled_) - -But what _is_ the iniquitous arrangement? - -THE AGENT - -Ah, that's the trouble! If I tell you, you won't believe me. You'll go -ahead and try it out, and find out what all the unhappy ones have found -out before you. Listen to me, my children. Did you ever go on a picnic? -(_He looks from one to the other--they stand astonished and silent_) Of -course you have. Everyone has. There is an instinct in us which makes -us go back to the ways of our savage ancestors--to gather about a fire -in the forest, to cook meat on a pointed stick, and eat it with our -fingers. But how many books would you write, young man, if you had to -go back to the camp-fire every day for your lunch? And how many new -dances would _you_ invent if you lived eternally in the picnic stage of -civilization? No! the picnic is incompatible with everyday living. As -incompatible as marriage. - -GEORGE - -But-- - -HELEN - -But-- - -THE AGENT - -Marriage is the nest-building instinct, turned by the Devil himself -into an institution to hold the human soul in chains. The whole story -of marriage is told in the old riddle: "Why do birds in their nests -agree? Because if they don't, they'll fall out." That's it. Marriage -is a nest so small that there is no room in it for disagreement. Now -it may be all right for birds to agree, but human beings are not built -that way. They disagree, and home becomes a little hell. Or else they -do agree, at the expense of the soul's freedom stifled in one or both. - -HELEN - -Yes, but tell me-- - -GEORGE - -Ssh! - -THE AGENT - -Yet there _is_ the nest-building instinct. You feel it, both of you. If -you don't now, you will as soon as you are married. If you are fools, -you will try to live all your lives in a love-nest; and you will -imprison your souls within it, and the Devil will laugh. - -HELEN - -(_to George_) I am beginning to be afraid of him. - -GEORGE - -So am I. - -THE AGENT - -If you are wise, you will build yourselves a little nest secretly in -the woods, away from civilization, and you will run away together to -that nest whenever you are in the mood. A nest so small that it will -hold only two beings and one thought--the thought of love. And then you -will come back refreshed to civilization, where every soul is different -from every other soul--you will let each other alone, forget each -other, and do your own work in peace. Do you understand? - -HELEN - -He means we should occupy separate sides of the house, I think. Or else -that we should live apart and only see each other on week-ends. I'm not -sure which. - -THE AGENT (_passionately_) - -I mean that you should not stifle love with civilization, nor encumber -civilization with love. What have they to do with each other? You think -you want a fellow student of economics. You are wrong. _You_ think you -want a dancing partner. You are mistaken. You want a revelation of the -glory of the universe. - -HELEN - -(_to George, confidentially_) It's blithering nonsense, of course. But -it _was_ something like that--a while ago. - -GEORGE (_bewilderedly_) - -Yes; when we knew it was our first kiss and thought it was to be our -last. - -THE AGENT (_fiercely_) - -A kiss is always the first kiss and the last--or it is nothing. - -HELEN (_conclusively_) - -He's quite mad. - -GEORGE - -Absolutely. - -THE AGENT - -Mad? Of course I am mad. But--(_He turns suddenly, and subsides as a -man in a guard's uniform enters._) - -THE GUARD - -Ah, here you are! Thought you'd given us the slip, did you? (_To the -others_) Escaped from the Asylum, he did, a week ago, and got a job -here. We've been huntin' him high and low. Come along now! - -GEORGE - -(_recovering with difficulty the power of speech_) What--what's the -matter with him? - -THE GUARD - -Matter with him? He went crazy, he did, readin' the works of Bernard -Shaw. And if he wasn't in the insane asylum he'd be in jail. He's a -bigamist, he is. He married fourteen women. But none of 'em would go on -the witness stand against him. Said he was an ideal husband, they did. -Fourteen of 'em! But otherwise he's perfectly harmless. Come now! - -THE AGENT (_pleasantly_) - -Perfectly harmless! Yes, perfectly harmless! (_He is led out._) - -HELEN - -That explains it all! - -GEORGE - -Yes--and yet I feel there was something in what he was saying. - -HELEN - -Well--are we going to get married or not? We've got to decide that -before we face my uncle and your aunt. - -GEORGE - -Of course we'll get married. You have your work and I mine, and-- - -HELEN - -Well, if we do, then you can't have that sunny south room for a study. -I want it for the nursery. - -GEORGE - -The nursery! - -HELEN - -Yes; babies, you know! - -GEORGE - -Good heavens! - - -[CURTAIN] - - - - - MORE SHORT PLAYS - - BY MARY MACMILLAN - - -Plays that act well may read well. Miss MacMillan's Plays are good -reading. Nor is literary excellence a detriment to dramatic performance. - -This volume contains eight Plays: - -_His Second Girl._ One-act comedy, just before the Civil War. Interior, -45 minutes. Three women, three men. - -_At the Church Door._ Fantastic farce, one act, 20 to 30 minutes. -Interior. Present. Two women, two men. - -_Honey._ Four short acts. Present, in the southern mountains. Same -interior cabin scene throughout. Three women, one man, two girls. - -_The Dress Rehearsal of Hamlet._ One-act costume farce. Present. -Interior. Forty-five minutes. Ten women taking men's parts. - -_The Pioneers._ Five very short acts. 1791 in Middle-West. Interior. -Four men, five women, five children, five Indians. - -_In Mendelesia, Part I._ Costume play, Middle Ages. Interior. Thirty -minutes or more. Four women, one man-servant. - -_In Mendelesia, Part II._ Modern realism of same plot. One act. -Present. Interior. Thirty minutes. Four women, one maid-servant. - -_The Dryad._ Fantasy in free verse, one act. Thirty minutes. Outdoors. -Two women, one man. Present. - -These plays, as well as SHORT PLAYS, have been presented by clubs and -schools in Boston, New York, Buffalo, Detroit, Cleveland, New Orleans, -San Francisco, etc., and by the Portmanteau Theatre, the Chicago Art -Institute Theatre, the Denver Little Art Theatre, at Carmel-by-the-Sea -in California, etc. - -_Handsomely bound and uniform with S. & K. Dramatic Series. 12mo. -Cloth. Net, $2.50; 3/4 Turkey Morocco, Net, $8.50._ - - - STEWART & KIDD COMPANY - - Publishers Cincinnati, U. S. A. - - - - - Stewart Kidd Modern Plays - - Edited by Frank Shay - - -To meet the immensely increased demands of the play-reading public -and those interested in the modern drama, Stewart & Kidd Company are -issuing under the general editorship of Frank Shay a series of plays -from the pens of the world's best contemporary writers. No effort is -being spared to secure the best work available, and the plays are -issued in a form that is at once attractive to readers and suited to -the needs of the performer and producer. - -From time to time special announcements will be printed giving complete -lists of the Plays. Those announced thus far are: - -SHAM, a Social Satire in One Act. - -By Frank G. Tompkins. - -Originally produced by Sam Hume, at the Arts and Crafts Theatre, -Detroit. - - -THE SHEPHERD IN THE DISTANCE, - -a Pantomime in One Act. By Holland Hudson. - -Originally produced by the Washington Square Players. - - -MANSIONS, a Play in One Act. - -By Hildegarde Flanner. - -Originally produced by the Indiana Little Theatre Society. - - -HEARTS TO MEND, a Fantasy in One Act. - -By H. A. Overstreet. - -Originally produced by the Fireside Players, White Plains, N. Y. - - _Others to follow._ - - _Bound in Art Paper. 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