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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e24fd9e --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #54711 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/54711) diff --git a/old/54711-h.zip b/old/54711-h.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index ea07d17..0000000 --- a/old/54711-h.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/54711-h/54711-h.htm b/old/54711-h/54711-h.htm deleted file mode 100644 index 1af4e60..0000000 --- a/old/54711-h/54711-h.htm +++ /dev/null @@ -1,2416 +0,0 @@ -<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" - "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> -<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> -<head> -<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=ISO-8859-1" /> -<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Sweet and Twenty, by Floyd Dell</title> - <link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg" /> - <style type="text/css"> - /* body */ - body {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} - - /* headings */ - h1,h2.h3,h4 { text-align: center; clear: both;} - h1 small {font-size: large;} - h1, h2 {margin-top: 2em; margin-bottom: 1em;} - - /* font sizes */ - .xlarge {font-size: x-large;} - .large {font-size: large;} - .small {font-size: small;} - - /* font style */ - .bold {font-weight: bold;} - - /* small caps */ - .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} - - /* paragraphs */ - p {margin-top: 0.25em; margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-left: inherit; padding-left: 0.75em; text-indent: inherit; text-align: justify;} - .classic {padding-left: inherit; text-indent: 0.75em;} - .hanging {padding-left: 0.75em; text-indent: -0.75em;} - .charac {padding-left: 0.75em; margin-top: 0.75em; text-indent: -0.75em; font-size: smaller;} - .stagedir {font-size: larger; margin-left: 0.75em} - .tn-text {margin-top: 0.25em; margin-bottom: 0.25em; margin-left: 0em; padding-left: 0em; text-indent: 0.0em; text-align: justify;} - .indent {text-indent: 0.75em} - .p1 {margin-top: 1em;} - .p2 {margin-top: 2em;} - - /* text alignment */ - .center {text-align: center; margin-left: 0em; padding-left: 0em;} - - /* horizontal rule */ - hr.chap, hr.chap2 {width: 65%; margin-left: 17.5%; margin-right: 17.5%; margin-top: 2em; margin-bottom: 2em; clear: both;} - - /* page numbers */ - .pagenum {position: absolute; left: 92%; font-size: smaller; text-align: right; - font-weight: normal; /* not bold */ font-style: normal; /* not italic */ font-variant: normal; /* not small cap */} - - /* Images */ - .figcenter {margin: auto; text-align: center; margin-top: 1em;} - - /* tables */ - table {margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;} - .tdl {text-align: left;} - .tdr {text-align: right;} - .tdpr {padding-right: 1em;} - - /* Lists */ - .list-container {text-align: center;} - .text-container {display: inline-block; text-align: left;} - ul.index {list-style-type: none;} - li.isub1 {margin-top: 0.5em;} - li.isub2 {padding-left: 1.50em; text-indent: -0.75em;} - - /* Transcriber's notes */ - .transnote {width: 65%; background-color: #E6E6FA; color: black; font-size:smaller; padding: 1%; - margin-left: 16.5%; margin-right: 18.5%; font-family:sans-serif, serif;} - - /* Media */ - @media handheld - { - .chapter {page-break-inside: avoid;} - .titlepage, hr.chap2 {display: none; visibility: hidden;} - body {margin: 0em; padding: 0em; width: 90%;} - table {margin-left: 1%; margin-right: 1%; width: 98%;} - .text-container {display: block; margin-left: inherit;} - hr.chap {width: 20%; margin-left: 40%; margin-top: 2em; margin-bottom: 2em;} - .transnote {margin-left: 2.5%; width: 95%;} - } - - h1.pg { margin-top: 0em; } - p.pg { margin-left: auto; - text-indent: 0; } - hr.full { width: 100%; - margin-top: 3em; - margin-bottom: 0em; - margin-left: auto; - margin-right: auto; - height: 4px; - border-width: 4px 0 0 0; /* remove all borders except the top one */ - border-style: solid; - border-color: #000000; - clear: both; } - </style> -</head> -<body> -<h1 class="pg">The Project Gutenberg eBook, Sweet and Twenty, by Floyd Dell</h1> -<p class="pg">This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States -and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no -restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it -under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this -eBook or online at <a -href="http://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you are not -located in the United States, you'll have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this ebook.</p> -<p class="pg">Title: Sweet and Twenty</p> -<p class="pg"> A Comedy in One Act</p> -<p class="pg">Author: Floyd Dell</p> -<p class="pg">Release Date: May 12, 2017 [eBook #54711]</p> -<p class="pg">Language: English</p> -<p class="pg">Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1</p> -<p class="pg">***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SWEET AND TWENTY***</p> -<p> </p> -<h4>E-text prepared by MFR, Nahum Maso i Carcases,<br /> - and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team<br /> - (<a href="http://www.pgdp.net">http://www.pgdp.net</a>)<br /> - from page images generously made available by<br /> - Internet Archive<br /> - (<a href="https://archive.org">https://archive.org</a>)</h4> -<p> </p> -<table border="0" style="background-color: #ccccff;margin: 0 auto;" cellpadding="10"> - <tr> - <td valign="top"> - Note: - </td> - <td> - Images of the original pages are available through - Internet Archive. See - <a href="https://archive.org/details/sweettwentycomed00dellrich"> - https://archive.org/details/sweettwentycomed00dellrich</a> - </td> - </tr> -</table> -<p> </p> -<hr class="full" /> -<p> </p> -<p> </p> -<p> </p> - -<div class="titlepage"> -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 350px;"> -<img src="images/coverpag.jpg" width="350" height="518" alt="Cover" /> -</div> -<hr class="chap2" /> -</div> - - - - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p class="center p2"><i>Stewart Kidd Dramatic Anthologies</i></p> - -<p class="center xlarge">Fifty Contemporary One-Act Plays</p> - -<p class="center">Edited by</p> - -<p class="center">FRANK SHAY and PIERRE LOVING</p> - -<p class="classic">This volume contains FIFTY REPRESENTATIVE ONE-ACT PLAYS -of the MODERN THEATER, chosen from the dramatic works of contemporary -writers all over the world and is the second volume in the -<i>Stewart Kidd Dramatic Anthologies</i>, the first being European Theories of the -Drama, by Barrett H. Clark, which has been so enthusiastically received.</p> - -<p class="classic">The editors have scrupulously sifted countless plays and have selected the -best available in English. One-half the plays have never before been published -in book form; thirty-one are no longer available in any other edition.</p> - -<p class="classic">The work satisfies a long-felt want for a handy collection of the choicest -plays produced by the art theaters all over the world. It is a complete repertory -for a little theater, a volume for the study of the modern drama, a representative -collection of the world's best short plays.</p> - -<div class="list-container"><div class="text-container"> - -<p class="center">CONTENTS</p> - -<ul class="index"> -<li> AUSTRIA</li> -<li class="isub2">Schnitzler (Arthur)—Literature</li> - -<li class="isub1"> BELGIUM</li> -<li class="isub2">Maeterlinck (Maurice)—The Intruder</li> - -<li class="isub1"> BOLIVIA</li> -<li class="isub2">More (Federico)—Interlude</li> - -<li class="isub1"> FRANCE</li> -<li class="isub2">Ancey (George)—M. Lamblin</li> -<li class="isub2">Porto-Riche (Georges)—Francoise's Luck</li> - -<li class="isub1"> GERMANY</li> -<li class="isub2">Ettinger (Karl)—Altruism</li> -<li class="isub2">von Hofmannsthal (Hugo)—Madonna Dianora</li> -<li class="isub2">Wedekind (Frank)—The Tenor</li> - -<li class="isub1"> GREAT BRITAIN</li> -<li class="isub2">Bennett (Arnold)—A Good Woman</li> -<li class="isub2">Calderon (George)—The Little Stone House.</li> -<li class="isub2">Cannan (Gilbert)—Mary's Wedding</li> -<li class="isub2">Dowson (Ernest)—The Pierrot of the Minute.</li> -<li class="isub2">Ellis (Mrs. Havelock)—The Subjection of Kezia</li> -<li class="isub2">Hankin (St. John)—The Constant Lover</li> - -<li class="isub1"> INDIA</li> -<li class="isub2">Mukerji (Dhan Gopal)—The Judgment of Indra</li> - -<li class="isub1"> IRELAND</li> -<li class="isub2">Gregory (Lady)—The Workhouse Ward</li> - -<li class="isub1"> HOLLAND</li> -<li class="isub2">Speenhoff (J. H.)—Louise</li> - -<li class="isub1"> HUNGARY</li> -<li class="isub2">Biro (Lajos)—The Grandmother</li> - -<li class="isub1"> ITALY</li> -<li class="isub2">Giocosa (Giuseppe)—The Rights of the Soul</li> - -<li class="isub1"> RUSSIA</li> -<li class="isub2">Andreyev (Leonid)—Love of One's Neighbor</li> -<li class="isub2">Tchekoff (Anton)—The Boor</li> - -<li class="isub1"> SPAIN</li> -<li class="isub2">Benevente (Jacinto)—His Widow's Husband</li> -<li class="isub2">Quinteros (Serafina and Joaquin Alverez)—A Sunny Morning</li> - -<li class="isub1"> SWEDEN</li> -<li class="isub2">Strindberg (August)—The Creditor</li> -<li class="isub2">Wied (Gustave)—Autumn Fires</li> - -<li class="isub1"> UNITED STATES</li> -<li class="isub2">Beach (Lewis)—Brothers</li> -<li class="isub2">Cowan (Sada)—In the Morgue</li> -<li class="isub2">Crocker (Bosworth)—The Baby Carriage</li> -<li class="isub2">Cronyn (George W.)—A Death in Fever Flat</li> -<li class="isub2">Davies (Mary Carolyn)—The Slave with Two Faces</li> -<li class="isub2">Day (Frederick L.)—The Slump</li> -<li class="isub2">Flanner (Hildegard)—Mansions</li> -<li class="isub2">Glaspell (Susan)—Trifles</li> -<li class="isub2">Gerstenberg (Alice)—The Pot Boiler</li> -<li class="isub2">Helburn (Theresa)—Enter the Hero</li> -<li class="isub2">Hudson (Holland)—The Shepherd in the Distance</li> -<li class="isub2">Kemp (Harry)—Boccaccio's Untold Tale</li> -<li class="isub2">Langner (Lawrence)—Another Way Out</li> -<li class="isub2">MacMillan (Mary)—The Shadowed Star</li> -<li class="isub2">Millay (Edna St. Vincent)—Aro da Capo</li> -<li class="isub2">Moeller (Philip)—Helena's Husband</li> -<li class="isub2">O'Neill (Eugene)—Ile</li> -<li class="isub2">Stevens (Thomas Wood)—The Nursery Maid of Heaven</li> -<li class="isub2">Stevens (Wallace)—Three Travelers Watch a Sunrise</li> -<li class="isub2">Tompkins (Frank G.)—Sham</li> -<li class="isub2">Walker (Stuart)—The Medicine Show</li> -<li class="isub2">Wellman (Rita)—For All Time</li> -<li class="isub2">Wilde (Percival)—The Finger of God</li> - -<li class="isub1"> YIDDISH</li> -<li class="isub2">Ash (Sholom)—Night</li> -<li class="isub2">Pinski (David)—Forgotten Souls</li> -</ul> - -</div></div> - -<p class="center"><i>Large 8vo, 585 pages. Net, $5.00</i></p> - -<p class="center p1"><i>Send for Complete Dramatic Catalogue</i></p> - -<p class="center"> -STEWART KIDD COMPANY<br /> -PUBLISHERS, CINCINNATI, U. S. A.<br /> -</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> -</div> - - - - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p> - -<p class="center p2"> -STEWART KIDD MODERN PLAYS -<br /> -Edited by Frank Shay</p> - -<p class="center p2"> -SWEET AND TWENTY -</p> - -<hr class="chap2" /> -</div> - - - - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span></p> - -<p class="center p2"><i>Stewart Kidd Modern Plays</i></p> - -<p class="center"><i>Edited by</i> FRANK SHAY</p> - - -<p class="classic p1">To meet the immensely increased demands of the play-reading public -and those interested in the modern drama, Stewart Kidd are issuing -under the general editorship of Frank Shay a series of plays from the pens -of the world's best contemporary writers. No effort is being spared to -secure the best work available, and the plays are issued in a form that is -at once attractive to readers and suited to the needs of the performer -and producer. <i>Buffalo Express</i>: "Each play is of merit. Each is unlike -the other. The group furnishes a striking example of the realistic trend -of the modern drama."</p> - -<p class="classic">From time to time special announcements will be printed giving complete -lists of the plays.</p> - -<p class="hanging">SHAM, a Social Satire in One Act. <i>By Frank G. Tompkins.</i> -<br /> -Originally produced by Sam Hume, at the Arts and Crafts Theatre, -Detroit. -<br /> -<i>San Francisco Bulletin</i>: "The lines are new and many of them -are decidedly clever." -<br /> -<i>Providence Journal</i>: "An ingenious and merry little one-act play."</p> - -<p class="hanging">THE SHEPHERD IN THE DISTANCE, a Pantomime in -One Act. <i>By Holland Hudson.</i> -Originally produced by the Washington Square Players. -<br /> -<i>Oakland Tribune</i>: "A pleasing pantomime of the Ancient East."</p> - -<p class="hanging">MANSIONS, a Play in One Act. <i>By Hildegarde Flanner.</i> -Originally produced by the Indiana Little Theatre Society. -<br /> -<i>Three Arts Magazine</i>: "This thoughtful and well-written play of -Characters and Ideals has become a favorite with Little Theatres -and is now available in print."</p> - - -<p class="hanging">HEARTS TO MEND, a Fantasy in One Act. <i>By H. A. Overstreet.</i> -Originally produced by the Fireside Players, White Plains, N. Y. -<br /> -<i>St. Louis Star</i>: "It is a light whimsy and well carried out." -<br /> -<i>San Francisco Chronicle</i>: "No one is likely to hear or read it -without real and legitimate pleasure."</p> - -<p class="hanging">SIX WHO PASS WHILE THE LENTILS BOIL. <i>By Stuart Walker.</i> -<br /> -Originally produced by the Portmanteau Players at Christodora -House, New York City. -<br /> -<i>Brooklyn Eagle</i>: "Literary without being pedantic, and dramatic -without being noisy."</p> - -<p class="hanging">OTHERS TO FOLLOW. <i>Bound in Art Paper.</i> <i>Each, net, .50</i></p> - -<hr class="chap" /> -</div> - - - - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span></p> - -<div class="titlepage"> -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 350px;"> -<img src="images/titlepag.jpg" width="350" height="582" alt="Title page" /> -</div> -</div> - - -<h1><span class="smcap">Sweet and Twenty</span> -<br /> -<small>A COMEDY IN ONE ACT</small></h1> - -<p class="center">By</p> - -<p class="center xlarge bold">FLOYD DELL</p> - -<p class="center"><i>Author of</i> -<br /> -MOON CALF</p> - -<p class="center p2">First produced by the Provincetown Players, New York City -January 25, 1918, with the following cast:</p> - -<table summary="cast"> -<tr> - <td class="tdl tdpr">THE YOUNG WOMAN</td> - <td class="tdr"><i>Edna St. Vincent Millay</i></td> -</tr> -<tr> - <td class="tdl tdpr">THE YOUNG MAN</td> - <td class="tdr"><i>Ordway Tead</i></td> -</tr> -<tr> - <td class="tdl tdpr">THE AGENT</td> - <td class="tdr"><i>Otto Liveright</i></td> -</tr> -<tr> - <td class="tdl tdpr">THE GUARD</td> - <td class="tdr"><i>Louis Ell</i></td> -</tr> -</table> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 63px;"> -<img src="images/img01.jpg" width="50" height="63" alt="Printing office image" /> -</div> - -<p class="center p1"> -CINCINNATI -<br /> -STEWART KIDD COMPANY -<br /> -PUBLISHERS -</p> - -<hr class="chap2" /> -</div> - - - - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span></p> - -<p class="center small p2"> -COPYRIGHT, 1921 -<br /> -STEWART & KIDD COMPANY -<br /> -<i>All rights reserved</i> -<br /> -COPYRIGHT IN ENGLAND -</p> - - -<p class="classic small p2"><span class="smcap">Sweet and Twenty</span> is fully protected by the copyright law, -all requirements of which have been complied with. No performance, -either professional or amateur, may be given without the -written permission of the author or his representative, Stewart -Kidd Company, Cincinnati, Ohio.</p> - -<hr class="chap2" /> -</div> - - - - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span></p> - -<h2><span class="smcap">Sweet and Twenty</span></h2> - - -<p class="hanging"><span class="smcap">Scene</span>—<i>A corner of the cherry orchard on the country -place of the late Mr. Boggley, now on sale and -open for inspection to prospective buyers. The -cherry orchard, now in full bloom, is a very -pleasant place. There is a green-painted rustic -bench beside the path....</i></p> - -<p class="hanging">(<i>This scene can be effectively produced on a small -stage by a back-drop painted a blue-green color, with -a single conventionalized cherry branch painted -across it, and two three-leaved screens masking the -wings, painted in blue-green with a spray of cherry -blossoms</i>).</p> - -<p class="hanging"><i>A young woman, dressed in a light summer frock -and carrying a parasol, drifts in from the back. -She sees the bench, comes over to it and sits down -with an air of petulant weariness.</i></p> - -<p class="hanging"><i>A handsome young man enters from the right. He -stops short in surprise on seeing the charming -stranger who lolls upon the bench. He takes off -his hat.</i></p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Oh, I beg your pardon!</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Oh, you needn't! I've no right to be here, -either.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>(<i>Coming down to her</i>) Now what do you mean -by that?</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>I thought perhaps you were playing truant, -as I am.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span></p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Playing truant?</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>I was looking at the house, you know. And I -got tired and ran away.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Well, to tell the truth, so did I. It's dull work, -isn't it?</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>I've been upstairs and down for two hours. -That family portrait gallery finished me. It -was so old and gloomy and dead that I felt as -if I were dead myself. I just had to do something. -I wanted to jab my parasol through the -window-pane. I understood just how the suffragettes -felt. But I was afraid of shocking -the agent. He is such a meek little man, and -he seemed to think so well of me. If I had -broken the window I would have shattered his -ideals of womanhood, too, I'm afraid. So I -just slipped away quietly and came here.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>I've only been there half an hour and we—I've -only been in the basement. That's why -our tours of inspection didn't bring us together -sooner. I've been cross-examining the furnace. -Do you understand furnaces? (<i>He sits down -beside her</i>) I don't.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Do you like family portraits? I hate 'em!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>What! Do the family portraits go with the -house?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span></p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>No, thank heaven. They've been bequeathed -to the Metropolitan Museum of Horrors, I understand. -They're valuable historically—early -colonial governors and all that sort of stuff. -But there is someone with me who—who takes -a deep interest in such things.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>(<i>frowning at a sudden memory</i>) Hm. Didn't -I see you at that real estate office in New York -yesterday?</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Yes. <i>He</i> was with me then.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE <span class="stagedir">(<i>compassionately</i>)</span></p> - -<p>I—I thought I remembered seeing you with—with -him.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>cheerfully</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Isn't he <i>just</i> the sort of man who would be interested -in family portraits?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE <span class="stagedir">(<i>confused</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Well—since you ask me—I—!</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Oh, that's all right. Tubby's a dear, in spite -of his funny old ideas. I like him very much.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>(<i>gulping the pill</i>) Yes....</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>He's so anxious to please me in buying this -house. I suppose it's all right to have a house, -but I'd like to become acquainted with it gradually. -I'd like to feel that there was always -some corner left to explore—some mystery<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span> -saved up for a rainy day. Tubby can't understand -that. He drags me everywhere, explaining -how we'll keep this and change that—dormer -windows here and perhaps a new wing -there.... I suppose you've been rebuilding -the house, too?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>No. Merely decided to turn that sunny south -room into a study. It would make a very -pleasant place to work. But if you really want -the place, I'd hate to take it away from you.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>I was just going to say that if <i>you</i> really wanted -it, <i>I'd</i> withdraw. It was Tubby's idea to buy -it, you know—not mine. You <i>do</i> want it, don't -you?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>I can't say that I do. It's so infernally big. -But Maria thinks I ought to have it. (<i>Explanatorily</i>) -Maria is—</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>gently</i>)</span></p> - -<p>She's—the one who <i>is</i> interested in furnaces, -I understand. I saw her with you at the real-estate -office yesterday. Well—furnaces are -necessary, I suppose. (<i>There is a pause, which -she breaks suddenly</i>) Do you see that bee?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>A bee? (<i>He follows her gaze up to a cluster of -blossoms.</i>)</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Yes—there! (<i>Affectionately</i>) The rascal! There -he goes. (<i>Their eyes follow the flight of the bee -across the orchard. There is a silence, in which<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span> -Maria and Tubby drift into the limbo of forgotten -things. Alone together beneath the blossoms, a -spell seems to have fallen upon them. She tries to -think of something to say—and at last succeeds.</i>)</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Have you heard the story of the people who -used to live here?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>No; why?</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>An agent was telling us. It's quite romantic—and -rather sad. You see, the man that built -this house was in love with a girl. He was -building it for her—as a surprise. But he had -neglected to mention to her that he was in love -with her. And so, in pique, she married another -man, though she was really in love with -him. The news came just when he had finished -the house. He shut it up for a year or two, but -eventually married someone else, and they lived -here for ten years—most unhappily. Then -they went abroad, and the house was sold. It -was bought, curiously enough, by the husband -of the girl he had been in love with. They lived -here till they died—hating each other to the -end, the agent says.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>It gives me the shivers. To think of that house, -haunted by the memories of wasted love! -Which of us, I wonder, will have to live in it? -I don't want to.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>prosaically</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Oh, don't take it so seriously as all that. If<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span> -one can't live in a house where there's been an -unhappy marriage, why, good heavens, where -<i>is</i> one going to live? Most marriages, I fancy, -are unhappy.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>A bitter philosophy for one so—</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Nonsense! But listen to the rest of the story. -The most interesting part is about this very -orchard.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Really!</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Yes. This orchard, it seems, was here before -the house was. It was part of an old farm -where he and she—the unhappy lovers, you -know—stopped one day, while they were out -driving, and asked for something to eat. The -farmer's wife was busy, but she gave them -each a glass of milk, and told them they could -eat all the cherries they wanted. So they -picked a hatful of cherries, and ate them, sitting -on a bench like this one. And then he fell -in love with her....</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>And ... didn't tell her so.... (<i>She -glances at him in alarm. His self-possession has -vanished. He is pale and frightened, but there is -a desperate look in his eyes, as if some unknown -power were forcing him to do something very rash. -In short, he seems like a young man who has just -fallen in love.</i>)</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span></p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>hastily</i>)</span></p> - -<p>So you see this orchard is haunted, too!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>I feel it. I seem to hear the ghost of that old-time -lover whispering to me....</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>provocatively</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Indeed! What does he say?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>He says: "I was a coward; you must be bold. -I was silent; you must speak out."</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>mischievously</i>)</span></p> - -<p>That's very curious—because that old lover -isn't dead at all. He's a baronet or something -in England.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE <span class="stagedir">(<i>earnestly</i>)</span></p> - -<p>His youth is dead; and it is his youth that -speaks to me.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>quickly</i>)</span></p> - -<p>You mustn't believe all that ghosts tell you.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Oh, but I must. For they know the folly of -silence—the bitterness of cowardice.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>The circumstances were—slightly—different, -weren't they?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE <span class="stagedir">(<i>stubbornly</i>)</span></p> - -<p>I don't care!</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>soberly</i>)</span></p> - -<p>You know perfectly well it's no use.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>I can't help that!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span></p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Please! You simply mustn't! It's disgraceful!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>What's disgraceful?</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>confused</i>)</span></p> - -<p>What you are going to say.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE <span class="stagedir">(<i>simply</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Only that I love you. What is there disgraceful -about that? It's beautiful!</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>It's wrong.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>It's inevitable.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Why inevitable? Can't you talk with a girl in -a cherry orchard for half an hour without falling -in love with her?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Not if the girl is you.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>But why especially <i>me</i>?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>I don't know. Love—is a mystery. I only -know that I was destined to love you.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>How can you be so sure?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Because you have changed the world for me. -It's as though I had been groping about in the -dark, and then—sunrise! And there's a queer -feeling here. (<i>He puts his hand on his heart</i>) -To tell the honest truth, there's a still queerer<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span> -feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's a gone -feeling, if you must know. And my knees are -weak. I know now why men used to fall on -their knees when they told a girl they loved -her; it was because they couldn't stand up. -And there's a feeling in my feet as though I -were walking on air. And—</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>faintly</i>)</span></p> - -<p>That's enough!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>And I could die for you and be glad of the -chance. It's perfectly absurd, but it's absolutely -true. I've never spoken to you before, -and heaven knows I may never get a chance to -speak to you again, but I'd never forgive myself -if I didn't say this to you now. I love -you! love you! love you! Now tell me I'm a -fool. Tell me to go. Anything—I've said my -say.... Why don't you speak?</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>I—I've nothing to say—except—except that I—well—(<i>almost -inaudibly</i>) I feel some of those -symptoms myself.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE <span class="stagedir">(<i>triumphantly</i>)</span></p> - -<p>You love me!</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>I—don't know. Yes. Perhaps.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Then kiss me!</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>doubtfully</i>)</span></p> - -<p>No....</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Kiss me!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span></p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>tormentedly</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Oh, what's the use?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>I don't know. I don't care. I only know that -we love each other.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>(<i>after a moment's hesitation, desperately</i>) I don't -care, either! I <i>do</i> want to kiss you. (<i>She does.... -He is the first to awake from the ecstasy.</i>)</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>It is wicked—</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>absently</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Is it?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>But, oh heaven! kiss me again! (<i>She does.</i>)</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Darling!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Do you suppose anyone is likely to come this -way?</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>No.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE <span class="stagedir">(<i>speculatively</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Your husband is probably still -in the portrait gallery....</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>My husband! (<i>Drawing away</i>) What do you -mean? (<i>Thoroughly awake now</i>) You didn't -think—? (<i>She jumps up and laughs convulsively</i>) -He thought poor old Tubby was my -husband!!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>(<i>staring up at her bewildered</i>) Why, isn't he -your husband?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span></p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>scornfully</i>)</span></p> - -<p>No!! He's my uncle!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Your unc—</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Yes, of course! (<i>Indignantly</i>) Do you suppose -I would be married to a man that's fat and bald -and forty years old?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE <span class="stagedir">(<i>distressed</i>)</span></p> - -<p>I—I beg your pardon. I did think so.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Just because you saw me with him? How -ridiculous!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>It was a silly mistake. But—the things you said! -You spoke so—realistically—about marriage.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>It was <i>your</i> marriage I was speaking about. -(<i>With hasty compunction</i>) Oh, I beg your—</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p><i>My</i> marriage! (<i>He rises</i>) Good heavens! And -to whom, pray, did you think I was married? -(<i>A light dawning</i>) To Maria? Why, Maria is -my aunt!</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Yes—of course. How stupid of me.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Let's get this straight. Are you married to -<i>anybody</i>?</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Certainly not. As if I would let anybody make -love to me if I were!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span></p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Now don't put on airs. You did something -quite as improper. You kissed a married man.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>I didn't.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>It's the same thing. You <i>thought</i> I was married.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>But you <i>aren't</i>.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>No. I'm <i>not</i> married. And—and—<i>you're</i> not -married. (<i>The logic of the situation striking him -all of a sudden</i>) In fact—! (<i>He pauses, rather -alarmed.</i>)</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Yes?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>In fact—well—there's no reason in the world -why we <i>shouldn't</i> make love to each other!</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>(<i>equally startled</i>) Why—that's so!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Then—then—shall we?</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>(<i>sitting down and looking demurely at her toes</i>) -Oh, not if you don't want to!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>(<i>adjusting himself to the situation</i>) Well—under -the circumstances—I suppose I ought to begin -by asking you to marry me....</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>(<i>languidly, with a provoking glance</i>) You don't -seem very anxious to.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span></p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>(<i>feeling at a disadvantage</i>) It isn't that—but—well—</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>lightly</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Well what?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Dash it all, I don't know your name!</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>(<i>looking at him with wild curiosity</i>) That didn't -seem to stop you a while ago....</p> - -<p class="charac">HE <span class="stagedir">(<i>doggedly</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Well, then—will you marry me?</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>promptly</i>)</span></p> - -<p>No.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE <span class="stagedir">(<i>surprised</i>)</span></p> - -<p>No! Why do you say that?</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>coolly</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Why should I marry you? I know nothing -about you. I've known you for less than an -hour.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE <span class="stagedir">(<i>sardonically</i>)</span></p> - -<p>That fact didn't seem to keep you from kissing -me.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Besides—I don't like the way you go about it. -If you'd propose the same way you made love -to me, maybe I'd accept you.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>All right. (<i>Dropping on one knee before her</i>) -Beloved! (<i>An awkward pause</i>) No, I can't do -it. (<i>He gets up and distractedly dusts off his -knees with his handkerchief</i>) I'm very sorry.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span></p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>(<i>with calm inquiry</i>) Perhaps it's because you -don't love me any more?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE <span class="stagedir">(<i>fretfully</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Of course I love you!</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>coldly</i>)</span></p> - -<p>But you don't want to marry me.... I -see.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Not at all! I <i>do</i> want to marry you. But—</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Well?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Marriage is a serious matter. Now don't take -offense! I only meant that—well—(<i>He starts -again</i>) We <i>are</i> in love with each other, and -that's the important thing. But, as you said, -we don't know each other. I've no doubt that -when we get acquainted we will like each other -better still. But we've got to get acquainted -first.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>rising</i>)</span></p> - -<p>You're just like Tubby buying a house. You -want to know all about it. Well! I warn you -that you'll never know all about me. So you -needn't try.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE <span class="stagedir">(<i>apologetically</i>)</span></p> - -<p>It was <i>your</i> suggestion.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>impatiently</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Oh, all right! Go ahead and cross-examine me -if you like. I'll tell you to begin with that I'm -perfectly healthy, and that there's no T. B.,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span> -insanity, or Socialism in my family. What else -do you want to know?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE <span class="stagedir">(<i>hesitantly</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Why did you put Socialism in?</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Oh, just for fun. You aren't a Socialist, are -you?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Yes. (<i>Earnestly</i>) Do you know what Socialism -is?</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>innocently</i>)</span></p> - -<p>It's the same thing as Anarchy, isn't it?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE <span class="stagedir">(<i>gently</i>)</span></p> - -<p>No. At least not my kind. I believe in municipal -ownership of street cars, and all that -sort of thing. I'll give you some books to read.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Well, I never ride in street cars, so I don't care -whether they're municipally owned or not. By -the way, do you dance?</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>No.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>You must learn right away. I can't bother to -teach you myself, but I know where you can -get private lessons and become really good in -a month. It is stupid not to be able to -dance.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>(<i>as if he had tasted quinine</i>) I can see myself -doing the tango! Grr!</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>The tango went out long ago, my dear.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span></p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>(<i>with great decision</i>) Well—I <i>won't</i> learn to -dance. You might as well know that to begin -with.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>And I won't read your old books on Socialism. -You might as well know <i>that to begin with</i>!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Come, come! This will never do. You see, -my dear, it's simply that I <i>can't</i> dance, and -there's no use for me to try to learn.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Anybody can learn. I've made expert dancers -out of the awkwardest men!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>But, you see, I've no inclination toward dancing. -It's out of my world.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>And I've no inclination toward municipal ownership. -<i>It's</i> out of <i>my</i> world!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>It ought not to be out of the world of any intelligent -person.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>(<i>turning her back on him</i>) All right—if you want -to call me stupid!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>(<i>turning and looking away meditatively</i>) It appears -that we have very few tastes in common.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>(<i>tapping her foot</i>) So it seems.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>If we married we might be happy for a month—</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span></p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Perhaps. (<i>They remain standing with their backs -to each other.</i>)</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>And then—the old story. Quarrels....</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>I never could bear quarrels....</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>An unhappy marriage....</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>(<i>realizing it</i>) Oh!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>(<i>hopelessly turning toward her</i>) I can't marry you.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>(<i>recovering quickly and facing him with a smile</i>) -Nobody asked you, sir, she said!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>(<i>with a gesture of finality</i>) Well—there seems -to be no more to say.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>sweetly</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Except good-bye.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE <span class="stagedir">(<i>firmly</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Good-bye, then. (<i>He holds out his hand.</i>)</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>(<i>taking it</i>) Good-bye!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>(<i>taking her other hand—after a pause, helplessly</i>) -Good-bye!</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>(<i>drawing in his eyes</i>) Good-bye! (<i>They cling -to each other, and are presently lost in a passionate -embrace. He breaks loose and stamps -away, then turns to her.</i>)</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span></p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Damn it all, we <i>do</i> love each other!</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>(<i>wiping her eyes</i>) What a pity that is the only -taste we have in common!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Do you suppose that is enough?</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>I wish it were!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>A month of happiness—</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Yes!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>And then—wretchedness.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>No—never!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>We mustn't do it.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>I suppose not.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Come, let us control ourselves.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Yes, let's. (<i>They take hands again.</i>)</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>(<i>with an effort</i>) I wish you happiness. I—I'll -go to Europe for a year. Try to forget me.</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>I shall be married when you get back—perhaps.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>I hope it's somebody that's not bald and fat -and forty. Otherwise—!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span></p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>And you—for goodness sake! marry a girl that's -very young and very, very pretty. That will help.</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>We mustn't prolong this. If we stay together -another minute—</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>Then go!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>I can't go!</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE</p> - -<p>You must, darling! You must!</p> - -<p class="charac">HE</p> - -<p>Oh, if somebody would only come along! (<i>They -are leaning toward each other, dizzy upon the -brink of another kiss, when somebody does come—a -short, mild-looking man in a Derby hat. There -is an odd gleam in his eyes</i>).</p> - -<p class="charac">THE INTRUDER <span class="stagedir">(<i>startled</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Excuse me! (<i>They turn and stare at him, but -their hands cling fast to each other.</i>)</p> - -<p class="charac">SHE <span class="stagedir">(<i>faintly</i>)</span></p> - -<p>The Agent!</p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT</p> - -<p>(<i>in despairing accents</i>) Too late! Too late!</p> - -<p class="charac">THE YOUNG MAN</p> - -<p>No! Just in time!</p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT</p> - -<p>Too late, I say! I will go. (<i>He turns.</i>)</p> - -<p class="charac">THE YOUNG MAN</p> - -<p>No! Stay!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span></p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT</p> - -<p>What's the use? It has already begun. What -good can I do now?</p> - -<p class="charac">THE YOUNG MAN</p> - -<p>I'll show you what good you can do now. Come -here! (<i>The Agent approaches</i>) Can you unloose -my hands from those of this young woman?</p> - -<p class="charac">THE YOUNG WOMAN</p> - -<p>(<i>haughtily releasing herself and walking away</i>) -You needn't trouble! I can do it myself.</p> - -<p class="charac">THE YOUNG MAN</p> - -<p>Thank you. It was utterly beyond my power. -(<i>To the Agent</i>) Will you kindly take hold of -me and move me over <i>there</i>? (<i>The Agent propels -him away from the girl</i>) Thank you. At this -distance I can perhaps make my farewell in a -seemly and innocuous manner.</p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT</p> - -<p>Young man, you will not say farewell to that -young lady for ten days—and perhaps never!</p> - -<p class="charac">THE YOUNG WOMAN</p> - -<p>What!</p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT</p> - -<p>They have arranged it all.</p> - -<p class="charac">THE YOUNG MAN</p> - -<p><i>Who</i> has arranged <i>what</i>?</p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT</p> - -<p>Your aunt, Miss Brooke—and (<i>to the young -woman</i>) your uncle, Mr. Egerton—(<i>The young -people turn and stare at each other in amazement.</i>)</p> - -<p class="charac">THE YOUNG MAN</p> - -<p>Egerton! Are you Helen Egerton?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span></p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN</p> - -<p>And are you George Brooke?</p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT</p> - -<p>Your aunt and uncle have just discovered each -other up at the house, and they have arranged -for you all to take dinner together to-night, and -then go to a ten-day house-party at Mr. Egerton's -place on Long Island. (<i>Grimly</i>) The -reason of all this will be plain to you. They -want you two to get married.</p> - -<p class="charac">GEORGE</p> - -<p>Then we're done for! We'll have to get married -now whether we want to or not!</p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN</p> - -<p>What! Just to please <i>them</i>? I shan't do it!</p> - -<p class="charac">GEORGE <span class="stagedir">(<i>gloomily</i>)</span></p> - -<p>You don't know my Aunt Maria.</p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN</p> - -<p>And Tubby will try to bully me, I suppose. -But I won't do it—no matter what he says!</p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT</p> - -<p>Pardon what may seem an impertinence, Miss; -but is it really true that you don't want to marry -this young man?</p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN <span class="stagedir">(<i>flaming</i>)</span></p> - -<p>I suppose because you saw me in his arms—! -Oh, I want to, all right, but—</p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT <span class="stagedir">(<i>mildly</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Then what seems to be the trouble?</p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN</p> - -<p>I—oh, you explain to him, George. (<i>She goes -to the bench and, sits down.</i>)</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span></p> - -<p class="charac">GEORGE</p> - -<p>Well, it's this way. As you may have deduced -from what you saw, we are madly in love with -each other—</p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN</p> - -<p>(<i>from the bench</i>) But I'm not madly in love -with municipal ownership. That's the chief -difficulty.</p> - -<p class="charac">GEORGE</p> - -<p>No, the chief difficulty is that I refuse to entertain -even a platonic affection for the tango.</p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN <span class="stagedir">(<i>irritably</i>)</span></p> - -<p>I told you the tango had gone out long ago!</p> - -<p class="charac">GEORGE</p> - -<p>Well, then, the maxixe.</p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN</p> - -<p>Stupid!</p> - -<p class="charac">GEORGE</p> - -<p>And there you have it! No doubt it seems -ridiculous to you.</p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT <span class="stagedir">(<i>gravely</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Not at all, my boy. I've known marriage to -go to smash on far less than that. When you -come to think of it, a taste for dancing and a -taste for municipal ownership stand at the two -ends of the earth away from each other. They -represent two different ways of taking life. -And if two people who live in the same house -can't agree on those two things, they'd disagree -on ten thousand things that came up every day. -And what's the use for two different kinds of -beings to try to live together? It doesn't work,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span> -no matter how much love there is between -them.</p> - -<p class="charac">GEORGE</p> - -<p>(<i>rushing up to him in surprise and gratification, -and shaking his hand warmly</i>) Then you're -our friend. You will help us not to get married!</p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT</p> - -<p>Your aunt is very set on it—and your uncle, -too, Miss!</p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN</p> - -<p>We must find some way to get out of it, or -they'll have us cooped up together in that -house before we know it. (<i>Rising and coming -over to the Agent</i>) Can't you think up some -scheme?</p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT</p> - -<p>Perhaps I can, and perhaps I can't. I'm a -bachelor myself, Miss, and that means that -I've thought up many a scheme to get out of -marriage myself.</p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN <span class="stagedir">(<i>outraged</i>)</span></p> - -<p>You old scoundrel!</p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT</p> - -<p>Oh, it's not so bad as you may think, Miss. -I've always gone through the marriage ceremony -to please them. But that's not what I -call marriage.</p> - -<p class="charac">GEORGE</p> - -<p>Then what do you call marriage?</p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN</p> - -<p>Yes, I'd like to know!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span></p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT</p> - -<p>Marriage, my young friends, is an iniquitous -arrangement devised by the Devil himself for -driving all the love out of the hearts of lovers. -They start out as much in love with each other -as you two are to-day, and they end by being -as sick of the sight of each other as you two will -be twenty years hence if I don't find a way of -saving you alive out of the Devil's own trap. -It's not lack of love that's the trouble with marriage—it's -marriage itself. And when I say -marriage, I don't mean promising to love, -honor, and obey, for richer, for poorer, in sickness -and in health till death do you part—that's -only human nature to wish and to attempt. -And it might be done if it weren't for -the iniquitous arrangement of marriage.</p> - -<p class="charac">GEORGE <span class="stagedir">(<i>puzzled</i>)</span></p> - -<p>But what <i>is</i> the iniquitous arrangement?</p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT</p> - -<p>Ah, that's the trouble! If I tell you, you won't -believe me. You'll go ahead and try it out, -and find out what all the unhappy ones have -found out before you. Listen to me, my children. -Did you ever go on a picnic? (<i>He looks -from one to the other—they stand astonished and -silent</i>) Of course you have. Everyone has. -There is an instinct in us which makes us go -back to the ways of our savage ancestors—to -gather about a fire in the forest, to cook meat -on a pointed stick, and eat it with our fingers. -But how many books would you write, young -man, if you had to go back to the camp-fire<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span> -every day for your lunch? And how many new -dances would <i>you</i> invent if you lived eternally -in the picnic stage of civilization? No! the -picnic is incompatible with everyday living. -As incompatible as marriage.</p> - -<p class="charac">GEORGE</p> - -<p>But—</p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN</p> - -<p>But—</p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT</p> - -<p>Marriage is the nest-building instinct, turned -by the Devil himself into an institution to hold -the human soul in chains. The whole story of -marriage is told in the old riddle: "Why do -birds in their nests agree? Because if they -don't, they'll fall out." That's it. Marriage -is a nest so small that there is no room in it for -disagreement. Now it may be all right for birds -to agree, but human beings are not built that -way. They disagree, and home becomes a little -hell. Or else they do agree, at the expense of -the soul's freedom stifled in one or both.</p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN</p> - -<p>Yes, but tell me—</p> - -<p class="charac">GEORGE</p> - -<p>Ssh!</p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT</p> - -<p>Yet there <i>is</i> the nest-building instinct. You -feel it, both of you. If you don't now, you will -as soon as you are married. If you are fools, -you will try to live all your lives in a love-nest; -and you will imprison your souls within it, and -the Devil will laugh.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span></p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN</p> - -<p>(<i>to George</i>) I am beginning to be afraid of him.</p> - -<p class="charac">GEORGE</p> - -<p>So am I.</p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT</p> - -<p>If you are wise, you will build yourselves a -little nest secretly in the woods, away from -civilization, and you will run away together to -that nest whenever you are in the mood. A -nest so small that it will hold only two beings -and one thought—the thought of love. And -then you will come back refreshed to civilization, -where every soul is different from every -other soul—you will let each other alone, forget -each other, and do your own work in peace. -Do you understand?</p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN</p> - -<p>He means we should occupy separate sides of -the house, I think. Or else that we should live -apart and only see each other on week-ends. -I'm not sure which.</p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT <span class="stagedir">(<i>passionately</i>)</span></p> - -<p>I mean that you should not stifle love with -civilization, nor encumber civilization with love. -What have they to do with each other? You -think you want a fellow student of economics. -You are wrong. <i>You</i> think you want a dancing -partner. You are mistaken. You want a -revelation of the glory of the universe.</p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN</p> - -<p>(<i>to George, confidentially</i>) It's blithering nonsense, -of course. But it <i>was</i> something like -that—a while ago.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span></p> - -<p class="charac">GEORGE <span class="stagedir">(<i>bewilderedly</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Yes; when we knew it was our first kiss and -thought it was to be our last.</p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT <span class="stagedir">(<i>fiercely</i>)</span></p> - -<p>A kiss is always the first kiss and the last—or -it is nothing.</p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN <span class="stagedir">(<i>conclusively</i>)</span></p> - -<p>He's quite mad.</p> - -<p class="charac">GEORGE</p> - -<p>Absolutely.</p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT</p> - -<p>Mad? Of course I am mad. But—(<i>He turns -suddenly, and subsides as a man in a guard's -uniform enters.</i>)</p> - -<p class="charac">THE GUARD</p> - -<p>Ah, here you are! Thought you'd given us -the slip, did you? (<i>To the others</i>) Escaped -from the Asylum, he did, a week ago, and got a -job here. We've been huntin' him high and -low. Come along now!</p> - -<p class="charac">GEORGE</p> - -<p>(<i>recovering with difficulty the power of speech</i>) -What—what's the matter with him?</p> - -<p class="charac">THE GUARD</p> - -<p>Matter with him? He went crazy, he did, -readin' the works of Bernard Shaw. And if he -wasn't in the insane asylum he'd be in jail. He's -a bigamist, he is. He married fourteen women. -But none of 'em would go on the witness stand -against him. Said he was an ideal husband, -they did. Fourteen of 'em! But otherwise he's -perfectly harmless. Come now!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span></p> - -<p class="charac">THE AGENT <span class="stagedir">(<i>pleasantly</i>)</span></p> - -<p>Perfectly harmless! Yes, perfectly harmless! -(<i>He is led out.</i>)</p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN</p> - -<p>That explains it all!</p> - -<p class="charac">GEORGE</p> - -<p>Yes—and yet I feel there was something in -what he was saying.</p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN</p> - -<p>Well—are we going to get married or not? -We've got to decide that before we face my -uncle and your aunt.</p> - -<p class="charac">GEORGE</p> - -<p>Of course we'll get married. You have your -work and I mine, and—</p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN</p> - -<p>Well, if we do, then you can't have that sunny -south room for a study. I want it for the -nursery.</p> - -<p class="charac">GEORGE</p> - -<p>The nursery!</p> - -<p class="charac">HELEN</p> - -<p>Yes; babies, you know!</p> - -<p class="charac">GEORGE</p> - -<p>Good heavens!</p> - - -<p class="center p1">[CURTAIN]</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> -</div> - - - - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p class="center large p2">MORE SHORT PLAYS</p> - -<p class="center"><span class="smcap">By MARY MacMILLAN</span></p> - - -<p class="classic p1">Plays that act well may read well. Miss MacMillan's -Plays are good reading. Nor is literary excellence a detriment -to dramatic performance.</p> - -<p class="classic">This volume contains eight Plays:</p> - -<p class="classic"><i>His Second Girl.</i> One-act comedy, just before the Civil War. -Interior, 45 minutes. Three women, three men.</p> - -<p class="classic"><i>At the Church Door.</i> Fantastic farce, one act, 20 to 30 minutes. -Interior. Present. Two women, two men.</p> - -<p class="classic"><i>Honey.</i> Four short acts. Present, in the southern mountains. -Same interior cabin scene throughout. Three women, one -man, two girls.</p> - -<p class="classic"><i>The Dress Rehearsal of Hamlet.</i> One-act costume farce. -Present. Interior. Forty-five minutes. Ten women taking -men's parts.</p> - -<p class="classic"><i>The Pioneers.</i> Five very short acts. 1791 in Middle-West. -Interior. Four men, five women, five children, five Indians.</p> - -<p class="classic"><i>In Mendelesia, Part I.</i> Costume play, Middle Ages. Interior. -Thirty minutes or more. Four women, one man-servant.</p> - -<p class="classic"><i>In Mendelesia, Part II.</i> Modern realism of same plot. One -act. Present. Interior. Thirty minutes. Four women, one -maid-servant.</p> - -<p class="classic"><i>The Dryad.</i> Fantasy in free verse, one act. Thirty minutes. -Outdoors. Two women, one man. Present.</p> - -<p class="classic">These plays, as well as SHORT PLAYS, have been presented -by clubs and schools in Boston, New York, Buffalo, -Detroit, Cleveland, New Orleans, San Francisco, etc., and by -the Portmanteau Theatre, the Chicago Art Institute Theatre, -the Denver Little Art Theatre, at Carmel-by-the-Sea in -California, etc.</p> - -<p class="hanging"><i>Handsomely bound and uniform with S. & K. Dramatic Series. -12mo. Cloth. Net, $2.50; 3/4 Turkey Morocco, Net, $8.50.</i></p> - - -<p class="center p1"> -STEWART & KIDD COMPANY -<br /> -Publishers Cincinnati, U. S. A. -</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> -</div> - - - - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p class="center large p2">Stewart Kidd Modern Plays</p> - -<p class="center">Edited by Frank Shay</p> - - -<p class="classic p1">To meet the immensely increased demands -of the play-reading public and those -interested in the modern drama, Stewart & Kidd -Company are issuing under the general editorship -of Frank Shay a series of plays from the -pens of the world's best contemporary writers. -No effort is being spared to secure the best -work available, and the plays are issued in a -form that is at once attractive to readers and -suited to the needs of the performer and -producer.</p> - -<p class="classic">From time to time special announcements will -be printed giving complete lists of the Plays. -Those announced thus far are:</p> - -<p class="hanging">SHAM, a Social Satire in One Act. -<br /> -By Frank G. Tompkins. -<br /> -Originally produced by Sam Hume, at the -Arts and Crafts Theatre, Detroit.</p> - -<p class="hanging">THE SHEPHERD IN THE DISTANCE, -<br /> -a Pantomime in One Act. By Holland Hudson. -<br /> -Originally produced by the Washington Square -Players.</p> - -<p class="hanging">MANSIONS, a Play in One Act. -<br /> -By Hildegarde Flanner. -<br /> -Originally produced by the Indiana Little -Theatre Society.</p> - -<p class="hanging">HEARTS TO MEND, a Fantasy in One Act. -<br /> -By H. A. Overstreet. -<br /> -Originally produced by the Fireside Players, -White Plains, N. Y.</p> - -<p class="center p1"><i>Others to follow.</i></p> - -<p class="center"><i>Bound in Art Paper. Each net 50 cents.</i></p> - -<hr class="chap" /> -<p> </p> -</div> - -<div class="transnote"> -<p class="tn-text center bold">Transcriber's Note:</p> -<p class="tn-text indent">Obvious punctuation errors and misprints have been corrected.</p> -</div> - - -<p> </p> -<p> </p> -<hr class="full" /> -<p class="pg">***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SWEET AND TWENTY***</p> -<p class="pg">******* This file should be named 54711-h.htm or 54711-h.zip *******</p> -<p class="pg">This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:<br /> -<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/5/4/7/1/54711">http://www.gutenberg.org/5/4/7/1/54711</a></p> -<p class="pg"> -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed.</p> - -<p class="pg">Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - - -Title: Sweet and Twenty - A Comedy in One Act - - -Author: Floyd Dell - - - -Release Date: May 12, 2017 [eBook #54711] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) - - -***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SWEET AND TWENTY*** - - -E-text prepared by MFR, Nahum Maso i Carcases, and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net) from page images generously made -available by Internet Archive (https://archive.org) - - - -Note: Images of the original pages are available through - Internet Archive. See - https://archive.org/details/sweettwentycomed00dell - - -Transcriber's note: - - Text in Italics is indicated between _underscores_. - - Text in Small Capitals has been replaced by regular - uppercase text. - - - - - -SWEET AND TWENTY - - * * * * * - - _Stewart Kidd Dramatic Anthologies_ - - Fifty Contemporary One-Act Plays - - Edited by - - FRANK SHAY and PIERRE LOVING - -This volume contains FIFTY REPRESENTATIVE ONE-ACT PLAYS of the MODERN -THEATER, chosen from the dramatic works of contemporary writers all -over the world and is the second volume in the _Stewart Kidd Dramatic -Anthologies_, the first being European Theories of the Drama, by -Barrett H. Clark, which has been so enthusiastically received. - -The editors have scrupulously sifted countless plays and have selected -the best available in English. One-half the plays have never before -been published in book form; thirty-one are no longer available in any -other edition. - -The work satisfies a long-felt want for a handy collection of the -choicest plays produced by the art theaters all over the world. It is -a complete repertory for a little theater, a volume for the study of -the modern drama, a representative collection of the world's best short -plays. - - - CONTENTS - - AUSTRIA - Schnitzler (Arthur)--Literature - - BELGIUM - Maeterlinck (Maurice)--The Intruder - - BOLIVIA - More (Federico)--Interlude - - FRANCE - Ancey (George)--M. Lamblin - Porto-Riche (Georges)--Francoise's Luck - - GERMANY - Ettinger (Karl)--Altruism - von Hofmannsthal (Hugo)--Madonna Dianora - Wedekind (Frank)--The Tenor - - GREAT BRITAIN - Bennett (Arnold)--A Good Woman - Calderon (George)--The Little Stone House. - Cannan (Gilbert)--Mary's Wedding - Dowson (Ernest)--The Pierrot of the Minute. - Ellis (Mrs. Havelock)--The Subjection of Kezia - Hankin (St. John)--The Constant Lover - - INDIA - Mukerji (Dhan Gopal)--The Judgment of Indra - - IRELAND - Gregory (Lady)--The Workhouse Ward - - HOLLAND - Speenhoff (J. H.)--Louise - - HUNGARY - Biro (Lajos)--The Grandmother - - ITALY - Giocosa (Giuseppe)--The Rights of the Soul - - RUSSIA - Andreyev (Leonid)--Love of One's Neighbor - Tchekoff (Anton)--The Boor - - SPAIN - Benevente (Jacinto)--His Widow's Husband - Quinteros (Serafina and Joaquin Alverez)--A Sunny Morning - - SWEDEN - Strindberg (August)--The Creditor - Wied (Gustave)--Autumn Fires - - UNITED STATES - Beach (Lewis)--Brothers - Cowan (Sada)--In the Morgue - Crocker (Bosworth)--The Baby Carriage - Cronyn (George W.)--A Death in Fever Flat - Davies (Mary Carolyn)--The Slave with Two Faces - Day (Frederick L.)--The Slump - Flanner (Hildegard)--Mansions - Glaspell (Susan)--Trifles - Gerstenberg (Alice)--The Pot Boiler - Helburn (Theresa)--Enter the Hero - Hudson (Holland)--The Shepherd in the Distance - Kemp (Harry)--Boccaccio's Untold Tale - Langner (Lawrence)--Another Way Out - MacMillan (Mary)--The Shadowed Star - Millay (Edna St. Vincent)--Aro da Capo - Moeller (Philip)--Helena's Husband - O'Neill (Eugene)--Ile - Stevens (Thomas Wood)--The Nursery Maid of Heaven - Stevens (Wallace)--Three Travelers Watch a Sunrise - Tompkins (Frank G.)--Sham - Walker (Stuart)--The Medicine Show - Wellman (Rita)--For All Time - Wilde (Percival)--The Finger of God - - YIDDISH - Ash (Sholom)--Night - Pinski (David)--Forgotten Souls - - _Large 8vo, 585 pages. Net, $5.00_ - - - _Send for Complete Dramatic Catalogue_ - - STEWART KIDD COMPANY - PUBLISHERS, CINCINNATI, U. S. A. - - * * * * * - - -Stewart Kidd Modern Plays - -Edited by Frank Shay - -SWEET AND TWENTY - - - * * * * * - - _Stewart Kidd Modern Plays_ - - _Edited by_ FRANK SHAY - - -To meet the immensely increased demands of the play-reading public and -those interested in the modern drama, Stewart Kidd are issuing under -the general editorship of Frank Shay a series of plays from the pens -of the world's best contemporary writers. No effort is being spared -to secure the best work available, and the plays are issued in a form -that is at once attractive to readers and suited to the needs of the -performer and producer. _Buffalo Express_: "Each play is of merit. Each -is unlike the other. The group furnishes a striking example of the -realistic trend of the modern drama." - -From time to time special announcements will be printed giving complete -lists of the plays. - -SHAM, a Social Satire in One Act. _By Frank G. Tompkins._ - -Originally produced by Sam Hume, at the Arts and Crafts Theatre, -Detroit. - -_San Francisco Bulletin_: "The lines are new and many of them are -decidedly clever." - -_Providence Journal_: "An ingenious and merry little one-act play." - - -THE SHEPHERD IN THE DISTANCE, a Pantomime in One Act. _By Holland -Hudson._ Originally produced by the Washington Square Players. - -_Oakland Tribune_: "A pleasing pantomime of the Ancient East." - - -MANSIONS, a Play in One Act. _By Hildegarde Flanner._ Originally -produced by the Indiana Little Theatre Society. - -_Three Arts Magazine_: "This thoughtful and well-written play of -Characters and Ideals has become a favorite with Little Theatres and is -now available in print." - - -HEARTS TO MEND, a Fantasy in One Act. _By H. A. Overstreet._ Originally -produced by the Fireside Players, White Plains, N. Y. - -_St. Louis Star_: "It is a light whimsy and well carried out." - -_San Francisco Chronicle_: "No one is likely to hear or read it without -real and legitimate pleasure." - - -SIX WHO PASS WHILE THE LENTILS BOIL. _By Stuart Walker._ - -Originally produced by the Portmanteau Players at Christodora House, -New York City. - -_Brooklyn Eagle_: "Literary without being pedantic, and dramatic -without being noisy." - - -OTHERS TO FOLLOW. _Bound in Art Paper._ _Each, net, .50_ - - * * * * * - - -SWEET AND TWENTY - -A Comedy in One Act - -by - -FLOYD DELL - -Author of Moon Calf - - -First produced by the Provincetown Players, New York City - January 25, 1918, with the following cast: - - THE YOUNG WOMAN _Edna St. Vincent Millay_ - THE YOUNG MAN _Ordway Tead_ - THE AGENT _Otto Liveright_ - THE GUARD _Louis Ell_ - - - - - - -[Illustration] - -Cincinnati -Stewart Kidd Company -Publishers - -Copyright, 1921 -Stewart & Kidd Company -All Rights Reserved -Copyright in England - -SWEET AND TWENTY is fully protected by the copyright law, all -requirements of which have been complied with. No performance, either -professional or amateur, may be given without the written permission -of the author or his representative, Stewart Kidd Company, Cincinnati, -Ohio. - - - - - SWEET AND TWENTY - - -SCENE--_A corner of the cherry orchard on the country place of the late -Mr. Boggley, now on sale and open for inspection to prospective buyers. -The cherry orchard, now in full bloom, is a very pleasant place. There -is a green-painted rustic bench beside the path...._ - -(_This scene can be effectively produced on a small stage by a -back-drop painted a blue-green color, with a single conventionalized -cherry branch painted across it, and two three-leaved screens masking -the wings, painted in blue-green with a spray of cherry blossoms_). - -_A young woman, dressed in a light summer frock and carrying a parasol, -drifts in from the back. She sees the bench, comes over to it and sits -down with an air of petulant weariness._ - -_A handsome young man enters from the right. He stops short in surprise -on seeing the charming stranger who lolls upon the bench. He takes off -his hat._ - - -HE - -Oh, I beg your pardon! - -SHE - -Oh, you needn't! I've no right to be here, either. - -HE - -(_Coming down to her_) Now what do you mean by that? - -SHE - -I thought perhaps you were playing truant, as I am. - -HE - -Playing truant? - -SHE - -I was looking at the house, you know. And I got tired and ran away. - -HE - -Well, to tell the truth, so did I. It's dull work, isn't it? - -SHE - -I've been upstairs and down for two hours. That family portrait gallery -finished me. It was so old and gloomy and dead that I felt as if I were -dead myself. I just had to do something. I wanted to jab my parasol -through the window-pane. I understood just how the suffragettes felt. -But I was afraid of shocking the agent. He is such a meek little man, -and he seemed to think so well of me. If I had broken the window I -would have shattered his ideals of womanhood, too, I'm afraid. So I -just slipped away quietly and came here. - -HE - -I've only been there half an hour and we--I've only been in the -basement. That's why our tours of inspection didn't bring us together -sooner. I've been cross-examining the furnace. Do you understand -furnaces? (_He sits down beside her_) I don't. - -SHE - -Do you like family portraits? I hate 'em! - -HE - -What! Do the family portraits go with the house? - -SHE - -No, thank heaven. They've been bequeathed to the Metropolitan Museum of -Horrors, I understand. They're valuable historically--early colonial -governors and all that sort of stuff. But there is someone with me -who--who takes a deep interest in such things. - -HE - -(_frowning at a sudden memory_) Hm. Didn't I see you at that real -estate office in New York yesterday? - -SHE - -Yes. _He_ was with me then. - -HE (_compassionately_) - -I--I thought I remembered seeing you with--with him. - -SHE (_cheerfully_) - -Isn't he _just_ the sort of man who would be interested in family -portraits? - -HE (_confused_) - -Well--since you ask me--I--! - -SHE - -Oh, that's all right. Tubby's a dear, in spite of his funny old ideas. -I like him very much. - -HE - -(_gulping the pill_) Yes.... - -SHE - -He's so anxious to please me in buying this house. I suppose it's -all right to have a house, but I'd like to become acquainted with it -gradually. I'd like to feel that there was always some corner left to -explore--some mystery saved up for a rainy day. Tubby can't understand -that. He drags me everywhere, explaining how we'll keep this and change -that--dormer windows here and perhaps a new wing there.... I suppose -you've been rebuilding the house, too? - -HE - -No. Merely decided to turn that sunny south room into a study. It would -make a very pleasant place to work. But if you really want the place, -I'd hate to take it away from you. - -SHE - -I was just going to say that if _you_ really wanted it, _I'd_ withdraw. -It was Tubby's idea to buy it, you know--not mine. You _do_ want it, -don't you? - -HE - -I can't say that I do. It's so infernally big. But Maria thinks I ought -to have it. (_Explanatorily_) Maria is-- - -SHE (_gently_) - -She's--the one who _is_ interested in furnaces, I understand. I saw -her with you at the real-estate office yesterday. Well--furnaces are -necessary, I suppose. (_There is a pause, which she breaks suddenly_) -Do you see that bee? - -HE - -A bee? (_He follows her gaze up to a cluster of blossoms._) - -SHE - -Yes--there! (_Affectionately_) The rascal! There he goes. (_Their eyes -follow the flight of the bee across the orchard. There is a silence, in -which Maria and Tubby drift into the limbo of forgotten things. Alone -together beneath the blossoms, a spell seems to have fallen upon them. -She tries to think of something to say--and at last succeeds._) - -SHE - -Have you heard the story of the people who used to live here? - -HE - -No; why? - -SHE - -An agent was telling us. It's quite romantic--and rather sad. You -see, the man that built this house was in love with a girl. He was -building it for her--as a surprise. But he had neglected to mention -to her that he was in love with her. And so, in pique, she married -another man, though she was really in love with him. The news came -just when he had finished the house. He shut it up for a year or two, -but eventually married someone else, and they lived here for ten -years--most unhappily. Then they went abroad, and the house was sold. -It was bought, curiously enough, by the husband of the girl he had been -in love with. They lived here till they died--hating each other to the -end, the agent says. - -HE - -It gives me the shivers. To think of that house, haunted by the -memories of wasted love! Which of us, I wonder, will have to live in -it? I don't want to. - -SHE (_prosaically_) - -Oh, don't take it so seriously as all that. If one can't live in a -house where there's been an unhappy marriage, why, good heavens, where -_is_ one going to live? Most marriages, I fancy, are unhappy. - -HE - -A bitter philosophy for one so-- - -SHE - -Nonsense! But listen to the rest of the story. The most interesting -part is about this very orchard. - -HE - -Really! - -SHE - -Yes. This orchard, it seems, was here before the house was. It was part -of an old farm where he and she--the unhappy lovers, you know--stopped -one day, while they were out driving, and asked for something to eat. -The farmer's wife was busy, but she gave them each a glass of milk, and -told them they could eat all the cherries they wanted. So they picked a -hatful of cherries, and ate them, sitting on a bench like this one. And -then he fell in love with her.... - -HE - -And ... didn't tell her so.... (_She glances at him in alarm. His -self-possession has vanished. He is pale and frightened, but there is a -desperate look in his eyes, as if some unknown power were forcing him -to do something very rash. In short, he seems like a young man who has -just fallen in love._) - -SHE (_hastily_) - -So you see this orchard is haunted, too! - -HE - -I feel it. I seem to hear the ghost of that old-time lover whispering -to me.... - -SHE (_provocatively_) - -Indeed! What does he say? - -HE - -He says: "I was a coward; you must be bold. I was silent; you must -speak out." - -SHE (_mischievously_) - -That's very curious--because that old lover isn't dead at all. He's a -baronet or something in England. - -HE (_earnestly_) - -His youth is dead; and it is his youth that speaks to me. - -SHE (_quickly_) - -You mustn't believe all that ghosts tell you. - -HE - -Oh, but I must. For they know the folly of silence--the bitterness of -cowardice. - -SHE - -The circumstances were--slightly--different, weren't they? - -HE (_stubbornly_) - -I don't care! - -SHE (_soberly_) - -You know perfectly well it's no use. - -HE - -I can't help that! - -SHE - -Please! You simply mustn't! It's disgraceful! - -HE - -What's disgraceful? - -SHE (_confused_) - -What you are going to say. - -HE (_simply_) - -Only that I love you. What is there disgraceful about that? It's -beautiful! - -SHE - -It's wrong. - -HE - -It's inevitable. - -SHE - -Why inevitable? Can't you talk with a girl in a cherry orchard for half -an hour without falling in love with her? - -HE - -Not if the girl is you. - -SHE - -But why especially _me_? - -HE - -I don't know. Love--is a mystery. I only know that I was destined to -love you. - -SHE - -How can you be so sure? - -HE - -Because you have changed the world for me. It's as though I had been -groping about in the dark, and then--sunrise! And there's a queer -feeling here. (_He puts his hand on his heart_) To tell the honest -truth, there's a still queerer feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's -a gone feeling, if you must know. And my knees are weak. I know now why -men used to fall on their knees when they told a girl they loved her; -it was because they couldn't stand up. And there's a feeling in my feet -as though I were walking on air. And-- - -SHE (_faintly_) - -That's enough! - -HE - -And I could die for you and be glad of the chance. It's perfectly -absurd, but it's absolutely true. I've never spoken to you before, and -heaven knows I may never get a chance to speak to you again, but I'd -never forgive myself if I didn't say this to you now. I love you! love -you! love you! Now tell me I'm a fool. Tell me to go. Anything--I've -said my say.... Why don't you speak? - -SHE - -I--I've nothing to say--except--except that I--well--(_almost -inaudibly_) I feel some of those symptoms myself. - -HE (_triumphantly_) - -You love me! - -SHE - -I--don't know. Yes. Perhaps. - -HE - -Then kiss me! - -SHE (_doubtfully_) - -No.... - -HE - -Kiss me! - -SHE (_tormentedly_) - -Oh, what's the use? - -HE - -I don't know. I don't care. I only know that we love each other. - -SHE - -(_after a moment's hesitation, desperately_) I don't care, either! I -_do_ want to kiss you. (_She does.... He is the first to awake from the -ecstasy._) - -HE - -It is wicked-- - -SHE (_absently_) - -Is it? - -HE - -But, oh heaven! kiss me again! (_She does._) - -SHE - -Darling! - -HE - -Do you suppose anyone is likely to come this way? - -SHE - -No. - -HE (_speculatively_) - -Your husband is probably still in the portrait gallery.... - -SHE - -My husband! (_Drawing away_) What do you mean? (_Thoroughly awake now_) -You didn't think--? (_She jumps up and laughs convulsively_) He thought -poor old Tubby was my husband!! - -HE - -(_staring up at her bewildered_) Why, isn't he your husband? - -SHE (_scornfully_) - -No!! He's my uncle! - -HE - -Your unc-- - -SHE - -Yes, of course! (_Indignantly_) Do you suppose I would be married to a -man that's fat and bald and forty years old? - -HE (_distressed_) - -I--I beg your pardon. I did think so. - -SHE - -Just because you saw me with him? How ridiculous! - -HE - -It was a silly mistake. But--the things you said! You spoke -so--realistically--about marriage. - -SHE - -It was _your_ marriage I was speaking about. (_With hasty compunction_) -Oh, I beg your-- - -HE - -_My_ marriage! (_He rises_) Good heavens! And to whom, pray, did you -think I was married? (_A light dawning_) To Maria? Why, Maria is my -aunt! - -SHE - -Yes--of course. How stupid of me. - -HE - -Let's get this straight. Are you married to _anybody_? - -SHE - -Certainly not. As if I would let anybody make love to me if I were! - -HE - -Now don't put on airs. You did something quite as improper. You kissed -a married man. - -SHE - -I didn't. - -HE - -It's the same thing. You _thought_ I was married. - -SHE - -But you _aren't_. - -HE - -No. I'm _not_ married. And--and--_you're_ not married. (_The logic of -the situation striking him all of a sudden_) In fact--! (_He pauses, -rather alarmed._) - -SHE - -Yes? - -HE - -In fact--well--there's no reason in the world why we _shouldn't_ make -love to each other! - -SHE - -(_equally startled_) Why--that's so! - -HE - -Then--then--shall we? - -SHE - -(_sitting down and looking demurely at her toes_) Oh, not if you don't -want to! - -HE - -(_adjusting himself to the situation_) Well--under the circumstances--I -suppose I ought to begin by asking you to marry me.... - -SHE - -(_languidly, with a provoking glance_) You don't seem very anxious to. - -HE - -(_feeling at a disadvantage_) It isn't that--but--well-- - -SHE (_lightly_) - -Well what? - -HE - -Dash it all, I don't know your name! - -SHE - -(_looking at him with wild curiosity_) That didn't seem to stop you a -while ago.... - -HE (_doggedly_) - -Well, then--will you marry me? - -SHE (_promptly_) - -No. - -HE (_surprised_) - -No! Why do you say that? - -SHE (_coolly_) - -Why should I marry you? I know nothing about you. I've known you for -less than an hour. - -HE (_sardonically_) - -That fact didn't seem to keep you from kissing me. - -SHE - -Besides--I don't like the way you go about it. If you'd propose the -same way you made love to me, maybe I'd accept you. - -HE - -All right. (_Dropping on one knee before her_) Beloved! (_An awkward -pause_) No, I can't do it. (_He gets up and distractedly dusts off his -knees with his handkerchief_) I'm very sorry. - -SHE - -(_with calm inquiry_) Perhaps it's because you don't love me any more? - -HE (_fretfully_) - -Of course I love you! - -SHE (_coldly_) - -But you don't want to marry me.... I see. - -HE - -Not at all! I _do_ want to marry you. But-- - -SHE - -Well? - -HE - -Marriage is a serious matter. Now don't take offense! I only meant -that--well--(_He starts again_) We _are_ in love with each other, and -that's the important thing. But, as you said, we don't know each other. -I've no doubt that when we get acquainted we will like each other -better still. But we've got to get acquainted first. - -SHE (_rising_) - -You're just like Tubby buying a house. You want to know all about it. -Well! I warn you that you'll never know all about me. So you needn't -try. - -HE (_apologetically_) - -It was _your_ suggestion. - -SHE (_impatiently_) - -Oh, all right! Go ahead and cross-examine me if you like. I'll tell -you to begin with that I'm perfectly healthy, and that there's no T. -B., insanity, or Socialism in my family. What else do you want to know? - -HE (_hesitantly_) - -Why did you put Socialism in? - -SHE - -Oh, just for fun. You aren't a Socialist, are you? - -HE - -Yes. (_Earnestly_) Do you know what Socialism is? - -SHE (_innocently_) - -It's the same thing as Anarchy, isn't it? - -HE (_gently_) - -No. At least not my kind. I believe in municipal ownership of street -cars, and all that sort of thing. I'll give you some books to read. - -SHE - -Well, I never ride in street cars, so I don't care whether they're -municipally owned or not. By the way, do you dance? - -HE - -No. - -SHE - -You must learn right away. I can't bother to teach you myself, but I -know where you can get private lessons and become really good in a -month. It is stupid not to be able to dance. - -HE - -(_as if he had tasted quinine_) I can see myself doing the tango! Grr! - -SHE - -The tango went out long ago, my dear. - -HE - -(_with great decision_) Well--I _won't_ learn to dance. You might as -well know that to begin with. - -SHE - -And I won't read your old books on Socialism. You might as well know -_that to begin with_! - -HE - -Come, come! This will never do. You see, my dear, it's simply that I -_can't_ dance, and there's no use for me to try to learn. - -SHE - -Anybody can learn. I've made expert dancers out of the awkwardest men! - -HE - -But, you see, I've no inclination toward dancing. It's out of my world. - -SHE - -And I've no inclination toward municipal ownership. _It's_ out of _my_ -world! - -HE - -It ought not to be out of the world of any intelligent person. - -SHE - -(_turning her back on him_) All right--if you want to call me stupid! - -HE - -(_turning and looking away meditatively_) It appears that we have very -few tastes in common. - -SHE - -(_tapping her foot_) So it seems. - -HE - -If we married we might be happy for a month-- - -SHE - -Perhaps. (_They remain standing with their backs to each other._) - -HE - -And then--the old story. Quarrels.... - -SHE - -I never could bear quarrels.... - -HE - -An unhappy marriage.... - -SHE - -(_realizing it_) Oh! - -HE - -(_hopelessly turning toward her_) I can't marry you. - -SHE - -(_recovering quickly and facing him with a smile_) Nobody asked you, -sir, she said! - -HE - -(_with a gesture of finality_) Well--there seems to be no more to say. - -SHE (_sweetly_) - -Except good-bye. - -HE (_firmly_) - -Good-bye, then. (_He holds out his hand._) - -SHE - -(_taking it_) Good-bye! - -HE - -(_taking her other hand--after a pause, helplessly_) Good-bye! - -SHE - -(_drawing in his eyes_) Good-bye! (_They cling to each other, and are -presently lost in a passionate embrace. He breaks loose and stamps -away, then turns to her._) - -HE - -Damn it all, we _do_ love each other! - -SHE - -(_wiping her eyes_) What a pity that is the only taste we have in -common! - -HE - -Do you suppose that is enough? - -SHE - -I wish it were! - -HE - -A month of happiness-- - -SHE - -Yes! - -HE - -And then--wretchedness. - -SHE - -No--never! - -HE - -We mustn't do it. - -SHE - -I suppose not. - -HE - -Come, let us control ourselves. - -SHE - -Yes, let's. (_They take hands again._) - -HE - -(_with an effort_) I wish you happiness. I--I'll go to Europe for a -year. Try to forget me. - -SHE - -I shall be married when you get back--perhaps. - -HE - -I hope it's somebody that's not bald and fat and forty. Otherwise--! - -SHE - -And you--for goodness sake! marry a girl that's very young and very, -very pretty. That will help. - -HE - -We mustn't prolong this. If we stay together another minute-- - -SHE - -Then go! - -HE - -I can't go! - -SHE - -You must, darling! You must! - -HE - -Oh, if somebody would only come along! (_They are leaning toward each -other, dizzy upon the brink of another kiss, when somebody does come--a -short, mild-looking man in a Derby hat. There is an odd gleam in his -eyes_). - -THE INTRUDER (_startled_) - -Excuse me! (_They turn and stare at him, but their hands cling fast to -each other._) - -SHE (_faintly_) - -The Agent! - -THE AGENT - -(_in despairing accents_) Too late! Too late! - -THE YOUNG MAN - -No! Just in time! - -THE AGENT - -Too late, I say! I will go. (_He turns._) - -THE YOUNG MAN - -No! Stay! - -THE AGENT - -What's the use? It has already begun. What good can I do now? - -THE YOUNG MAN - -I'll show you what good you can do now. Come here! (_The Agent -approaches_) Can you unloose my hands from those of this young woman? - -THE YOUNG WOMAN - -(_haughtily releasing herself and walking away_) You needn't trouble! I -can do it myself. - -THE YOUNG MAN - -Thank you. It was utterly beyond my power. (_To the Agent_) Will you -kindly take hold of me and move me over _there_? (_The Agent propels -him away from the girl_) Thank you. At this distance I can perhaps make -my farewell in a seemly and innocuous manner. - -THE AGENT - -Young man, you will not say farewell to that young lady for ten -days--and perhaps never! - -THE YOUNG WOMAN - -What! - -THE AGENT - -They have arranged it all. - -THE YOUNG MAN - -_Who_ has arranged _what_? - -THE AGENT - -Your aunt, Miss Brooke--and (_to the young woman_) your uncle, Mr. -Egerton--(_The young people turn and stare at each other in amazement._) - -THE YOUNG MAN - -Egerton! Are you Helen Egerton? - -HELEN - -And are you George Brooke? - -THE AGENT - -Your aunt and uncle have just discovered each other up at the house, -and they have arranged for you all to take dinner together to-night, -and then go to a ten-day house-party at Mr. Egerton's place on Long -Island. (_Grimly_) The reason of all this will be plain to you. They -want you two to get married. - -GEORGE - -Then we're done for! We'll have to get married now whether we want to -or not! - -HELEN - -What! Just to please _them_? I shan't do it! - -GEORGE (_gloomily_) - -You don't know my Aunt Maria. - -HELEN - -And Tubby will try to bully me, I suppose. But I won't do it--no matter -what he says! - -THE AGENT - -Pardon what may seem an impertinence, Miss; but is it really true that -you don't want to marry this young man? - -HELEN (_flaming_) - -I suppose because you saw me in his arms--! Oh, I want to, all right, -but-- - -THE AGENT (_mildly_) - -Then what seems to be the trouble? - -HELEN - -I--oh, you explain to him, George. (_She goes to the bench and, sits -down._) - -GEORGE - -Well, it's this way. As you may have deduced from what you saw, we are -madly in love with each other-- - -HELEN - -(_from the bench_) But I'm not madly in love with municipal ownership. -That's the chief difficulty. - -GEORGE - -No, the chief difficulty is that I refuse to entertain even a platonic -affection for the tango. - -HELEN (_irritably_) - -I told you the tango had gone out long ago! - -GEORGE - -Well, then, the maxixe. - -HELEN - -Stupid! - -GEORGE - -And there you have it! No doubt it seems ridiculous to you. - -THE AGENT (_gravely_) - -Not at all, my boy. I've known marriage to go to smash on far less -than that. When you come to think of it, a taste for dancing and a -taste for municipal ownership stand at the two ends of the earth away -from each other. They represent two different ways of taking life. -And if two people who live in the same house can't agree on those two -things, they'd disagree on ten thousand things that came up every day. -And what's the use for two different kinds of beings to try to live -together? It doesn't work, no matter how much love there is between -them. - -GEORGE - -(_rushing up to him in surprise and gratification, and shaking his hand -warmly_) Then you're our friend. You will help us not to get married! - -THE AGENT - -Your aunt is very set on it--and your uncle, too, Miss! - -HELEN - -We must find some way to get out of it, or they'll have us cooped up -together in that house before we know it. (_Rising and coming over to -the Agent_) Can't you think up some scheme? - -THE AGENT - -Perhaps I can, and perhaps I can't. I'm a bachelor myself, Miss, and -that means that I've thought up many a scheme to get out of marriage -myself. - -HELEN (_outraged_) - -You old scoundrel! - -THE AGENT - -Oh, it's not so bad as you may think, Miss. I've always gone through -the marriage ceremony to please them. But that's not what I call -marriage. - -GEORGE - -Then what do you call marriage? - -HELEN - -Yes, I'd like to know! - -THE AGENT - -Marriage, my young friends, is an iniquitous arrangement devised by the -Devil himself for driving all the love out of the hearts of lovers. -They start out as much in love with each other as you two are to-day, -and they end by being as sick of the sight of each other as you two -will be twenty years hence if I don't find a way of saving you alive -out of the Devil's own trap. It's not lack of love that's the trouble -with marriage--it's marriage itself. And when I say marriage, I don't -mean promising to love, honor, and obey, for richer, for poorer, in -sickness and in health till death do you part--that's only human nature -to wish and to attempt. And it might be done if it weren't for the -iniquitous arrangement of marriage. - -GEORGE (_puzzled_) - -But what _is_ the iniquitous arrangement? - -THE AGENT - -Ah, that's the trouble! If I tell you, you won't believe me. You'll go -ahead and try it out, and find out what all the unhappy ones have found -out before you. Listen to me, my children. Did you ever go on a picnic? -(_He looks from one to the other--they stand astonished and silent_) Of -course you have. Everyone has. There is an instinct in us which makes -us go back to the ways of our savage ancestors--to gather about a fire -in the forest, to cook meat on a pointed stick, and eat it with our -fingers. But how many books would you write, young man, if you had to -go back to the camp-fire every day for your lunch? And how many new -dances would _you_ invent if you lived eternally in the picnic stage of -civilization? No! the picnic is incompatible with everyday living. As -incompatible as marriage. - -GEORGE - -But-- - -HELEN - -But-- - -THE AGENT - -Marriage is the nest-building instinct, turned by the Devil himself -into an institution to hold the human soul in chains. The whole story -of marriage is told in the old riddle: "Why do birds in their nests -agree? Because if they don't, they'll fall out." That's it. Marriage -is a nest so small that there is no room in it for disagreement. Now -it may be all right for birds to agree, but human beings are not built -that way. They disagree, and home becomes a little hell. Or else they -do agree, at the expense of the soul's freedom stifled in one or both. - -HELEN - -Yes, but tell me-- - -GEORGE - -Ssh! - -THE AGENT - -Yet there _is_ the nest-building instinct. You feel it, both of you. If -you don't now, you will as soon as you are married. If you are fools, -you will try to live all your lives in a love-nest; and you will -imprison your souls within it, and the Devil will laugh. - -HELEN - -(_to George_) I am beginning to be afraid of him. - -GEORGE - -So am I. - -THE AGENT - -If you are wise, you will build yourselves a little nest secretly in -the woods, away from civilization, and you will run away together to -that nest whenever you are in the mood. A nest so small that it will -hold only two beings and one thought--the thought of love. And then you -will come back refreshed to civilization, where every soul is different -from every other soul--you will let each other alone, forget each -other, and do your own work in peace. Do you understand? - -HELEN - -He means we should occupy separate sides of the house, I think. Or else -that we should live apart and only see each other on week-ends. I'm not -sure which. - -THE AGENT (_passionately_) - -I mean that you should not stifle love with civilization, nor encumber -civilization with love. What have they to do with each other? You think -you want a fellow student of economics. You are wrong. _You_ think you -want a dancing partner. You are mistaken. You want a revelation of the -glory of the universe. - -HELEN - -(_to George, confidentially_) It's blithering nonsense, of course. But -it _was_ something like that--a while ago. - -GEORGE (_bewilderedly_) - -Yes; when we knew it was our first kiss and thought it was to be our -last. - -THE AGENT (_fiercely_) - -A kiss is always the first kiss and the last--or it is nothing. - -HELEN (_conclusively_) - -He's quite mad. - -GEORGE - -Absolutely. - -THE AGENT - -Mad? Of course I am mad. But--(_He turns suddenly, and subsides as a -man in a guard's uniform enters._) - -THE GUARD - -Ah, here you are! Thought you'd given us the slip, did you? (_To the -others_) Escaped from the Asylum, he did, a week ago, and got a job -here. We've been huntin' him high and low. Come along now! - -GEORGE - -(_recovering with difficulty the power of speech_) What--what's the -matter with him? - -THE GUARD - -Matter with him? He went crazy, he did, readin' the works of Bernard -Shaw. And if he wasn't in the insane asylum he'd be in jail. He's a -bigamist, he is. He married fourteen women. But none of 'em would go on -the witness stand against him. Said he was an ideal husband, they did. -Fourteen of 'em! But otherwise he's perfectly harmless. Come now! - -THE AGENT (_pleasantly_) - -Perfectly harmless! Yes, perfectly harmless! (_He is led out._) - -HELEN - -That explains it all! - -GEORGE - -Yes--and yet I feel there was something in what he was saying. - -HELEN - -Well--are we going to get married or not? We've got to decide that -before we face my uncle and your aunt. - -GEORGE - -Of course we'll get married. You have your work and I mine, and-- - -HELEN - -Well, if we do, then you can't have that sunny south room for a study. -I want it for the nursery. - -GEORGE - -The nursery! - -HELEN - -Yes; babies, you know! - -GEORGE - -Good heavens! - - -[CURTAIN] - - - - - MORE SHORT PLAYS - - BY MARY MACMILLAN - - -Plays that act well may read well. Miss MacMillan's Plays are good -reading. Nor is literary excellence a detriment to dramatic performance. - -This volume contains eight Plays: - -_His Second Girl._ One-act comedy, just before the Civil War. Interior, -45 minutes. Three women, three men. - -_At the Church Door._ Fantastic farce, one act, 20 to 30 minutes. -Interior. Present. Two women, two men. - -_Honey._ Four short acts. Present, in the southern mountains. Same -interior cabin scene throughout. Three women, one man, two girls. - -_The Dress Rehearsal of Hamlet._ One-act costume farce. Present. -Interior. Forty-five minutes. Ten women taking men's parts. - -_The Pioneers._ Five very short acts. 1791 in Middle-West. Interior. -Four men, five women, five children, five Indians. - -_In Mendelesia, Part I._ Costume play, Middle Ages. Interior. Thirty -minutes or more. Four women, one man-servant. - -_In Mendelesia, Part II._ Modern realism of same plot. One act. -Present. Interior. Thirty minutes. Four women, one maid-servant. - -_The Dryad._ Fantasy in free verse, one act. Thirty minutes. Outdoors. -Two women, one man. Present. - -These plays, as well as SHORT PLAYS, have been presented by clubs and -schools in Boston, New York, Buffalo, Detroit, Cleveland, New Orleans, -San Francisco, etc., and by the Portmanteau Theatre, the Chicago Art -Institute Theatre, the Denver Little Art Theatre, at Carmel-by-the-Sea -in California, etc. - -_Handsomely bound and uniform with S. & K. Dramatic Series. 12mo. -Cloth. Net, $2.50; 3/4 Turkey Morocco, Net, $8.50._ - - - STEWART & KIDD COMPANY - - Publishers Cincinnati, U. S. A. - - - - - Stewart Kidd Modern Plays - - Edited by Frank Shay - - -To meet the immensely increased demands of the play-reading public -and those interested in the modern drama, Stewart & Kidd Company are -issuing under the general editorship of Frank Shay a series of plays -from the pens of the world's best contemporary writers. No effort is -being spared to secure the best work available, and the plays are -issued in a form that is at once attractive to readers and suited to -the needs of the performer and producer. - -From time to time special announcements will be printed giving complete -lists of the Plays. Those announced thus far are: - -SHAM, a Social Satire in One Act. - -By Frank G. Tompkins. - -Originally produced by Sam Hume, at the Arts and Crafts Theatre, -Detroit. - - -THE SHEPHERD IN THE DISTANCE, - -a Pantomime in One Act. By Holland Hudson. - -Originally produced by the Washington Square Players. - - -MANSIONS, a Play in One Act. - -By Hildegarde Flanner. - -Originally produced by the Indiana Little Theatre Society. - - -HEARTS TO MEND, a Fantasy in One Act. - -By H. A. Overstreet. - -Originally produced by the Fireside Players, White Plains, N. Y. - - _Others to follow._ - - _Bound in Art Paper. 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