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diff --git a/old/54698-0.txt b/old/54698-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index a51880b..0000000 --- a/old/54698-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,3777 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Woodbarrow Farm, by Jerome K. Jerome - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - -Title: Woodbarrow Farm - Play in Three Acts - -Author: Jerome K. Jerome - -Release Date: May 10, 2017 [EBook #54698] -Last Updated: September 3, 2016 - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WOODBARROW FARM *** - - - - -Produced by David Widger from page images generously -provided by the Internet Archive - - - - - - - - - -WOODBARROW FARM - -Play In Three Acts - -By Jerome K. Jerome - -Samuel French: London - -1904 - - - - -Piffin.............. - -Allen Rollitt....... - -Luke Cranbourne..... - -Mike Stratton....... - -Mr. Purtwee......... - -Hon. Tom Gussett.... - -Baron Von Schnorr... - -Richard Hanningford - -Ichabod............. - -Peters.............. - -Colonel Jack Dexter. - -Clara Dexter........ - -Mrs. Rollitt........ - -Rachael............. - -Deborah Deacon...... - - - - -SYNOPSIS OF SCENERY - -Act I - -Woodbarrow Farm, Exmoor - -Act II - -13a, St. James’ Mansions - -Act III - -Scene 1--Same as Act II., or Library at 13a, St. James’ Mansion - -Scene 2--Woodbarrow Farm - -Time: The Present - - -[Illustration: 0007] - -[Illustration: 0010] - -[Illustration: 0011] - - - - -WOODBARROW FARM - - - - -ACT I. - - -MUSIC TO OPEN ACT: OLD ENGLISH AIR - -SCENE: _Kitchen at Woodbarrow Farm. An ideal old farmhouse kitchen. From -the smoke-blackened ceiling beams hang huge sides of bacon, strings of -onions, and herbs, and poultry. Over the great fireplace are the guns, -and in profusion everywhere are the homely furnishings of a prosperous -farmhouse kitchen. A huge fire burns r. in old-fashioned fireplace, with -settle on each side. Door l.c. at back opening on corner of farmyard. -Latticed window looking out on yard to r. of door. Table r.c. piled with -linen waiting to be folded. Linen press l. Door l. below press. Settle -in front of press. Mrs. Rollitt at table r.c. discovered ironing. She -folds up clothes as she finishes with them, and crosses and places them -one by one in press l._ - -Mrs. R. Rachael! Rachael!! (Crossing l. then crosses to r. at back of -table r.c.) Ah, drat the girls--alius philandering about with the boys -when they’re wanted. Rachael! - -(Enter Rachael, she comes slowly forward to l.c.) - -Rach. Did you call, ma’am? - -Mrs. R. (At table.) Did I call? Why thee be getting deaf in thee old age -sure, Rachael. - -Rach. I was in the dairy, ma’am. - -Mrs. R. In the dairy! Well, and the dairy bean’t a mile off, be it? -I expect there wur Joe’s thick head ’twixt you and the sound of my -voice, warn’t there? - -Rach. No, ma’am. - -Mrs. R. Whose wur it, then? - -Rach. Ichabod’s, ma’am. I--I mean Mr. Ichabod was helping me, ma’am. - -Mrs. R. What at? (_Pause._) How often am I to tell ’ee I won’t have -that hulking scamp hanging about here after his work’s done. Do ’ee -understand? - -Rach. Yes, ma’am. - -Mrs. R. Here’s getting on for 8 o’clock, and thee master may be home -any minute as hungry as a hunter, poor lad, and noothing ready for his -supper. Get down the ham (_Rachael goes to fireplace r._), and bring me -in the frying-pan and I’ll do it myself. - -Rach. (_Turning to go._) Yes, ma’am. - -Mrs. R. And don’t be half-an-hour about it. Is Ichabod gone? - -Rach. Oh yes, ma’am. - -(_Mrs. R. turns to her work, Ichabod appears at door at hack, with a -trout in his hand. Rachael catching sight of him stops, and motions him -to go away._) - -Mrs. R. Ah, a good thing for un as he has, if I catch un here again -to-night, I’ll--(_Rachael makes sign to Ichabod who is up c. Mrs. R. -looks at Rachael_)--Lord help the lass, be she struck foolish? Bean’t -’ee agoing? - -Rach. Yes, ma’am. - -Mrs. R. Well then, do ut. Thee keeps on saying, “yes, ma’am,” “yes, -ma’am,” and there ’ee sticks. (_Drops eyes. Rachael makes sign to -Ichabod. Mrs. Rollitt catches her._) - -(_Ichabod does not understand Rachel, and tries to explain to her in -pantomime about the trout, which he holds up and points to. Mrs. Rollitt -follows Rachael’s eyes, and sees Ichabod. Rachael is struck dumb, and -Ichabod grins and pulls his hair._) - -Mrs. R. If thee don’t take theeself off pretty, soon, my boy, I’ll do -that for un. (_He makes no answer but continues pulling his hair and -grinning, making a few steps forward and still holding out the trout. -Mrs. Rollitt advances to him slowly._) - -Mrs. R. (_Comes c._) How often am I to tell ’ee I won’t have ’ee -loafing about here after thee work’s done, and thee mother waiting for -thee at home, thee good-for-nothing young--(_eyeing the trout_)--aye, -but he be a bonny un that. - -Ich. Thowt maybe he’d do for the measter’s supper, ma’am. He wur -a-having his own not half-an-hour agone, ma’am. - -Mrs. R. (_l. with fish in hand._) Her be a three pound un, Ichabod. - -Ich. As full as an egg, her be, just. Thee feel her, ma’am. - -Mrs. R. Ah, well, I won’t say but what thee art a thoughtful lad, -Ichabod, and it will be main good for thee measter’s supper. See there’s -a clear fire. (_Crosses r.Enter Deborah from staircase L._) Rachael, -and bring me the stew pan and we’ll boil un. - -Deb. No, don’t boil it, aunt. (_Takes fish from Mrs. R._) Let me fry it. -Allen alius likes ‘em best that way. (_Goes r. c. up stage._) - -Mrs. R. So un does, lass, so un does. Ah, thee knaw what the lad loikes, -thee shall fry it. (_Hands trout to Deb._) And I’ll finish the linen -while I’ve got my hand on it. (_At back of table r.c._) - -Deb. Allen will like that, I know. Where did you get it? - -Ich. (_Confused and grinning._) What, me, Miss? - -Deb. Not poached, I hope, Ichabod? - -Ich. (_Offended._) Poached, Miss? No, Miss, I wur trying to teach a fly -of mine to swim, that wur all, Miss, and when I took un from the water -there wur this thing hanging on to the end of un, and I couldn’t get ‘un -off. - -Mrs. R. (_At table r. c._) Thee’d best stop awhile now, Ichabod, and the -girls will gie un a bit sup. Thee mother will be main glad to be rid o’ -ye a bit, I take it. - -Ich. Thank ye, ma’am. Mother’s alius glad to be rid of me at supper -toime. (_To Deborah.) Gie me un, Miss, I’ll clean un for ye. (_Takes -fish from Deborah, goes down l. at back of settle.) - -Rach. Shall I cook un, Miss? - -Mrs. R. Na, na, thee bring the pan in here, Rachael, I woan’t trust the -master’s supper to ‘ee, while there’s a pair of breeches about the room. - -Rach. (_Crosses l. with a toss of her head.) I’m sure I don’t want ‘em -there at all. (_Picks up buckets near door l. down stage.) - -Mrs. R. Ah, thee wouldn’t ha’ the lad theer wi’out ‘em! Go and do as I -tell ‘ee. - -[Rachael hits Ichabod with bucket. Exeunt Rachael and Ichabod l. door -down stage.] - -Mrs. R. The lad will enjoy it all the more if thee cook it for un. Ah. -and he do enjoy his food too. It do me good to see un eat. - -Deb. He does you a lot of good that way, doesn’t he, aunt? - -Mes. R. (_Laughing.’_) Ah, yes, he be like his father wur before him, -a rare trencher man. Ah, but they’re better than those as doesn’t eat -much, but sits a-turning and a-smelling, and a-grumbling at everything -that’s set before them, for all the world like an overfed turkey cock -trying to eat potato peelings. Thee wean’t ha’ much trouble looking -arter un when I’m gone. - -Deb. (_Goes to fireplace R._) Oh, aunt, how naughty you are, always -talking of being “gone,” just as if you were an old woman. - -Mrs. R. No, no, lass, I bean’t talking of being gone now. I’ve many a -year before me yet, please God. But it must come sometime, thee knaws, -and I like to think that when it do there’ll be someone to gie the lad -his bit of food, and look arter un loike--and, Lord, a man do want a -power of looking arter to be sure. - -Deb. (_At fire R. making it up._) I think that’s why we love ‘em, aunt, -because they’re so helpless. - -Mrs. R. (_Cross to l._) Ah, maybe it is. There must be summut to account -for it. - -Deb. And I suppose they be like the poultry. They get fond of us because -we feed them. He does say I’ve got a good hand for cooking, aunt. - -Mrs. R. (_Cross to r._) Ah, yes, lass. It be a light hand for the -kitchen and a cool hand for the dairy. It will make a good hand for a -farmer’s wife. (_Takes Deborah’s hand at table R._) - -Deb. I don’t think Allen will want a farmer’s wife, aunt. - -Mrs. R. Lord, whose wife should a farmer want, then? - -Deb. (_Pokes fire r._) I don’t think Allen wants to be a farmer at all. -He says he wants to be a somebody, not a nobody. - -Mrs. R. Well, bean’t a farmer somebody? - -Deb. Somebody, aunt, but not a somebody. Allen wants to be in the world, -you know, aunt. - -Mrs. R. Well, and he be in the world sure, ain’t he? Sure I think I -ought to know. (_Cross to l._) - -Deb. No, not in the world he means, aunt. Not in the great world as they -call it. - -Mrs. R. Ah! he be in God’s world, that ought to be big enough for un. -(_Cross to r._) - -Deb. (_A little spitefully._) Yes, aunt, but it’s not select enough. -There’s all sorts of common people in God’s world. Allen wants to be -in the big world of lords and ladies and big folk up in London. He says -it’s being buried alive down here; that he wants to be among the stir -and bustle. - -Mrs. R. (_Cross to h., putting clothes in press._) Ah! that be only -his talk. The young uns be all alike. They run arter shadows like the -chickens do arter chaff. (_Cross l._) Why, I mind when I wur a lass, -I used to look in the glass and think I’d be a duchess. But the dook -didn’t come, so I just married thee uncle. The young ducks all fancies -as they’ll paddle off to the sea, But they live and dies in the old pond -arter all. (_Crosses to R._) - -Deb. (_Laughing._) And you think that your duck will live and die in the -Woodbarrow pond, aunt? (_Helps Mrs. Rollitt to fold._) - -Mrs. R. Ah, bless un, yes, the lads they fancy that any place is better -than the old home; but arter they’ve had a good look round, they know -that the old home’s better than any place else. He’ll flutter about a -bit maybe (_looks at Deborah_), but he’ll settle down in the nest ‘fore -long, and the children will be running about the house (_Deborah turns -away a little_) and making it untidy--Bless ‘em--afore I close my eyes. - -Deb. (_Demurely._) I wonder who he’ll marry. - -Mrs. R. Ah, I wonder now. (_Crosses to put linen in chest of drawers._) - -Deb. (_r. folding linen._) There’s Polly Steddles. He walked home -from church with her last Sunday. I think he’s a little sweet on Polly -Steddles, don’t you, aunt? - -(_Mrs. R. comes l. of table r._) - -Mrs. R. Ah, it bean’t much good being a little sweet on a girl that -size. It would take a power of sweetness to go round her. (_Crosses L. -with linen._). - -Deb. She’s big, but then men like big women, don’t they, aunt? - -Mrs. R. (_l._) Ah, some on ’em goes in for quantity, and some on ’em -goes in for quality. The little ones, they go in for size cause they -bean’t much of it themselves; and the big ones goes in for sense, cause -that be what they be most in need of. (_Goes R._) And Allen, he be’s -medium, so he can just please himself. - -Deb. And there’s Miss Dexter, that he drives over to Minehead so often. -(_Mrs. Rollitt goes l._) He thinks a lot of her, I know. - -Mrs. R. (_l._) What, Colonel Dexter’s darter, oop at Lucott’s Hill? Oh, -yes, her’d be a fine un to make the butter and cure the hams, her -would. Her be loike them umbrellas they be a selling at Peter’s for 1s. -11d.--only meant to be walked out wi’. (_Near press l._) - -Deb. Ah, but she’s so beautiful, aunt, and she’s a lady! (_Sighs._) - -Mrs. R. Ah! (_goes to table r. c._) there be a good many sorts o’ them. - -Deb. She is a lady, isn’t she, aunt? - -Mrs. R. Her’s got the clothes all right. (_Sits l. of table r. A -pause--goes up and pats Deborah’s cheek._) - -As if thee didn’t know the lad were in love with theeself. - -Deb. (_Tossing her head._) Sure an’ I don’t see how I should--he never -says anything. - -Mrs. R. Ah, the men bain’t much to say for their-selves, poor things. -Thee must go by what they does. Why, thee uncle kept company wi’ me for -three years, an’ un never said a word. The first year un only sot and -stared, and the second year un put un’s arm round my waist, and the -third year un kissed me, and then mother said it were time to put up the -banns, and her done it. - -Deb. (_Laughs._) Ah, the man that wants to marry me will have to ask me -ever and ever so many times and plead, oh, as if his life depended on it -(_tossing her head--at fire._) - -Mrs. R. Ah, the lad be shy, that be all. He be frightened ’o thee. - -Deb. (_Smiling._) Of me, aunt? - -Mrs. R. Ah, sure!--(_Laughs._)--I expect un be worrying hisself finely -for fear thee doan’t care for un, a fancying thee prefers Jim Harkabuck, -maybe. - -Deb. (_Demurely--goes up r. and gets l. of Mrs. Rollitt._) Jim -Harkabuck is a very nice fellow, and he does stare. (_Smiling, and going -to her aunt._) Do you think Allen really--really does--Aunt? (_Kneels to -Mrs. Rollitt, who turns her head away r. a little._) - -Mrs. R. (_Laughing, and shaking her off playfully. Pauses._) Does he! -Why beant he alius quarreling wi’ thee, and doan’t he eat twice as -much o’ anything if he knows thee cooked it--and besides--(_Pauses and -becomes absorbed in stockings._) - -Deb. Besides what, aunt? - -Mrs. R. Why didn’t I find un only the evening afore last when un didn’t -know I wur there. (_Laughing._) - -(_Enter Rachael l. door with fish in frying-pan.--Deborah rises._) - -Rach. (_Crossing r. and giving it to Deborah._) Shall I put it on, Miss? - -Deb. (_c. goes R. to fireplace._) No, I’ll see to it; Rachael, thank -you. - -Rach. I have put some butter in the pan, Miss. - -(_Exit Rachael l. down stage._) - -Deb. Yes, aunt. (_r. of table and seeing to fish with back to Mrs. -Rollitt._) You--you were saying how you came upon Allen the other -evening, aunt, when he didn’t know you were there, and he was doing -something. - -Mrs. R. Ah, yes, it wur Toosday, and he--not in love wi’ -’ee--(_laughing_)--why--(_taking up stocking and looking at hole._) -Ah, look at that now, blest if I can make out where the holes come from, -just. - -Deb. What was he doing, aunt? - -Mrs. R. Why there un wur wi’ your-- - -(_Enter Purtwee c.--who coughs._) - -Mrs. R. (_Turning, and seeing him as he stands in doorway._) What, Mr. -Purtwee! (_Deborah in despair goes to fire and cooks fish._) Well, ’ee -do surprise me! ’Ee be quite a stranger. Come in. Thee be just in time -for a bit of sup. - -Mr. P. (_Coming down l. c., puts hat on staircase rail._) I couldn’t -pass the place without looking in, I’ve just left the trap outside. -(_Shakes hands._) And how are we? - -Mrs. R. Oh, I be middlin’ well, thank ’ee, and how’s yerself? - -Mr. P. Oh, nicely enough, and--(_To Deborah crossing r._)--how’s Miss -Deborah Deacon? - -Deb. Very well, thank you, Mr. Purtwee. - -Mr. P. That’s all right--you look it, my dear (_Taking her hands._) Why -I declare she’s getting quite a woman! - -Mrs. R. Ah! she’s been that for some time. Her be thinking more about -getting a man now. (_Purtwee crosses to l. c. laughing._) - -Deb. Oh, aunt! - -Mrs. R. Did ’ee see the lad up town? - -Mr. P. What, Allen? - -Mrs. R. Ah, that be the only lad in the world I know. Did ’ee see un? -(_Goes up l._) - -Mr. P. Yes, I met him, and I wanted to have a chat with him. (_Mrs. -Rollitt is up l. near linen press._) But, Lord! There he was off to -Lucott’s Hill, and there was no holding him. (_Taking off his coat._) - -Deb. (_Who has been engaged in her cooking, at this suddenly stops, and -looks up._) What was he going up there for? - -Mr. P. (_Stopping and facing round._) What for? - -Deb. (_Excitedly, but quietly._) Who was he going to see up there? - -Mr. P. (_Laughing and folding coat._) Ah! who is it he always goes to -see up there? - -(_Deborah turns a little sick at this confirmation of her fears. -Purtwee, who is a sharp old fellow, notices the expression of her face -and the whole truth flashes across him. He pauses suddenly, looks hard -at her, then assuming an ordinary laughing tone, continues--Mrs. Rollitt -(up l.) is engaged with the linen, and does not notice this._) - -Mr. P. Why, the Walleys, of course. He and Jim seem to be inseparable of -late. - -Deb. Oh, yes, I know. I asked him to try and see if the Walleys would -part with one of their short-horns. - -Mr. P. Ah! that was it, then--yes, I remember that was it. (_Turns away -and looks back at Deborah, who has resumed her cooking--aside._) Poor -child! There’s trouble for her I fear. (_Throws coat over chair l._) - -Mrs. R. (_Comes c._) Well, what be going on up at Minehead? - -Mr. P. The same that is going on everywhere, Mrs. Rollitt--people lying -and slandering and evil-speaking; everybody thieving and cheating and -quarreling. (_Sits on table l._) - -Mrs. R. Well, I guess I could have told thee that. Haven’t thee any -real news to gie us. Tell us what one person’s be a-doing. Never mind -“everybody,” I don’t know him. - -Mr. P. Well, you see, Susan, a lawyer mustn’t gossip. (_Shakes finger._) - -(_Deborah crosses to linen press L., sets tablecloth and lays table r. -c. for meal._) - -Mrs. R. (_c._) Oh, hoity, toity! What be the use of being a lawyer and -knowing things if ’ee never tells a body a bit o’ news? And now I come -to think of it, I’ve got a bone to pick wi’ thee about that very thing. -Thee never told me old Hanningford wur agoing to die without leaving my -boy so much as a brass farthing. Do you think as how I’d ’a’ gone on -sending the old skinflint the best turkey in the yard every Christmas, -and the best goose come every Michaelmas, if I’d known as how he’d -hadn’t given us so much as the price as a suit o’ black, and Allen his -own cousin’s child. (_Crossing R._) - -A cousin is a cousin, even if it be a distant one. (_Sits l. of table -r._) - -Mr. P. Now, my dear Mrs. Rollitt, how could I tell he was going to die? - -Mrs. R. Thee knowed he wur going to die sometime, and thee knowed he -hadn’t left the boy anything, and thee might a’ dropped me a hint. “Mrs. -Rollitt,” thee might ha’ said, “thee’s only wasting good poultry on -a worthless man. The old sinner’s a going to die as hard-fisted and -ungrateful as he’s lived.” It would ’a’ been a neighbourly act o’ -thee! - -Mr. P. (_Laughing._) But I didn’t know he wasn’t going to leave you -anything. You see he died intestate. - -Mrs. R. In------ what? - -Mr. P. (_Rises._) Intestate. (_Deborah laughs a little._) Without -leaving a will; he left nobody anything. - -Mrs. R. (_Rising._) Well, then, where does the old fool’s money go to? - -Mr. P. Why, to his son, of course! (_Cross to r. near chair, fireplace -down stage._) - -Mrs. R. Ah, where be his son? - -Mr. P. (_Folding his knee in his hand and looking at her quietly._) On -the road from Texas to Devon. (_Sits r._) - -Mrs. R. What! Thee don’t mean to say thee’ve found un! (_Deborah gets -dish off dresser r. and puts it down in front of firm Mrs. R. in front -of table r., Mrs. R. and Deborah draw near interested._) - -Mr. P. That’s just exactly what I do mean. We traced him at last--found -him at Port Chadbourne black as a nigger and dressed as a red Indian. - -Mrs. R. What was he doing there--play-acting? - -Mr. P. No, cow-boy. (_Mrs. R. sits l. of table r._) - -Mrs. R. Lord love us all! and do un know? - -Mr. P. Yes, my agent saw him--went down to meet him as he came through -with a drove of cattle, gave him my letters and told him everything. - -Mrs. R. Has he written to you? - -Mr. P. No, didn’t know how to write--a sort of half savage he seems to -be, he and all his companions. He said he was going to give the boys a -three days’ drink, or as he expressed it, “paint the town red,” and then -start straight for home. - -Mrs. R. When do you expect him? - -Mr. P. Any day now; it was six weeks ago my agent saw him. He might walk -into my office to-morrow morning. - -Mrs. R. Lor! to think o’ it all. Him running away--driven away, as a -body might say, by ’is own father, when scarce more than a baby, and -now coming back to all this money. When do ’ee expect un? - -Mr. P. To-morrow--in six months time--never! - -Mrs. R. Never! (_Purtwee rises, crosses to l._) - -Mr. P. Perhaps never. - -Mrs. R. Why I thought thee said he’d started. - -Mr. P. Started, yes; but there’s a long road between that and arriving. -He may be dead and buried--drowned--murdered--for all we can tell. -They’re a rough lot where he’s coming from. (_Takes coat off settle L. -Feels for snuff box in pockets; rises; goes c._) - -Mrs. R. Well, thee’s picturing a nice fate for the lad. An’ who would -the money all go to if he were gone? - -Mr. P. Why the next o’ kin of course! He isn’t married. - -Mrs. R. And who be the next of kin? - -Mr. P. (_Dryly._) Oh! there’s no need to worry about that now. - -Mrs R. Well, I’d just like to know, that’s all. Would it be any of the -Leeds folk? - -Mr. P. Oh, I really can’t say! (_Gets snuff box, puts coat on settle -l._) I--I can’t say at all who it would be. (_Angrily, rather._) Why -there’s about a hundred different relations scattered all over the -country, and goodness knows who it might turn out to be. It isn’t a -matter to be considered yet at all. - -Mrs. R. Lord bless us all, don’t put theeself out, man. I didn’t know as -a body’s relations wur any secret--(_pauses_)--provided they be coom -by honestly. Doan’t tell us if ’ee doan’t want to. (_Turns away r. a -little._) - -Mr. P. No--no, Mrs. Rollitt! I’m not put out, only you see it’s always -a most complicated question a next of kin, especially in a case of this -kind where the man shunned all his relations. It might be someone in -Hong Kong; it might be someone here in Devonshire--(_Enter Allen c. -door._)--it might be,--(_he is l., taking handkerchief from his overcoat -pocket, and turning sees Allen in doorway and stops. Deborah puts on the -fish._) - -Allen. (_Coming down r. c._) Well mother! (_Kisses her._) - -Mrs. R. Why, my boy, wherever ha’ ye been to--I wur getting quite -anxious about ’ee! - -Allen. (_Taking off his hat and coat and throwing them down at back._) -Ah, I be a rare anxiety to ’ee, baint I, mother? (_To Mr. Purtwee._) -Mother alius fancies as I’ve been run off with by gypsies if I be out -more than an hour. (_Crossing and shaking hands with Mr. Purtwee._) And -how be Mr. Purtwee for the second time to-day? - -Mr. P. (_Laughing and shaking hands._) Ah! your mother’s a regular old -hen with one chick I expect. (_Sits l._) - -Allen. Never thee mind, mother, thee be quite right to be careful o’ me! -There baint another son like me in the whole country, be there? - -Deb. (_At fire._) To the credit of old Devon be it said. - -Allen. Halloa! (_Goes r. to Deborah._) - -Mrs. R. Ah! now that just serves thee right for laughing at thee old -mother. (_Crosses l. and sits knitting next to Purtwee._) - -Allen. Ah! that be the worst of letting the children stop oop arter -their proper toime, they allus gets so saucy. What have thee there? Lurd -bust me, I have got a vacuum inside o’ me. Poached eggs? - -Deb. No; poached trout. - -Mr. P. Eh! what’s that? - -Allen. Hulloa! Thee’ve done it now. Why, Mr. Purtwee be Lord Netherby’s -lawyer, and he’ll ha’ thee hanged in chains on Dunkery Beacon, sure as -fate. - -Deb. Ah, well, you see I didn’t poach him, I’m only frying him. There’s -no law against frying fish, is there? - -Allen. (_r.c._) Aye, well, us’ll forgive thee this time, if ee’ll -promise to do it again soon. Come and give us a kiss. - -Deb. Thee’ll kiss the frying-pan if you come any o’ your nonsense round -here. - -Allen. What! won’t thee, when I tell ’ee I’ve bought Jim Whalley’s -tan and cream shorthorn for ’ee? - -Deb. (_Pleased._) No! Have you? - -Allen. I bought her this afternoon, and I got her for--(_l.c., turning -to his mother_) I say, mother, our Deb’s bin and smoshed young Whalley. - -Mrs. R. Done what to un. - -Allen. Smoshed him. - -Deb. Why, I never touched him. - -Allen. Yes thee have, thee’ve smoshed un--that be the new Lunnun word; -made un in love wi’ thee. - -Mrs. R. It’s a funny way o’ doing it. - -Allen. I doan’t know how her done it, but her done it. Why he wanted £25 -for the cow at first, and when I told un her wur for Deb he looked as -stupid as an old cow unself and said I could have her for £20, and then -he asked me if she would like a calf. (_Goes R._) - -Deb. We could do with one. What did you say? - -Allen. (_Laughing._) I told un her’d better let the calf come down and -ask for unself. (_Laughs boisterously._) He never saw what I meant. -(_All laugh._) - -Deb. Oh, I expect he saw it all right. Jim Whalley is a very sharp -fellow; there was no need to insult him just because he’d done a kind -action. (_Warmly--turns away r. a little._) - -Allen. Oh, I wouldn’t ha’ said it if I’d known. I didn’t know thee was -in love wi’ him. - -Deb. (_Half laughing and half indignant._) Oh, don’t be silly, Allen, as -if I cared for Jim Whalley. - -Allen. I might ha’ guessed it too. Why, I expect that’s why thee wanted -the cow so as to have something about the place to remind thee o’ un. - -Deb. Oh, you great stupid! - -Allen. Why, look how you’re blushing. Look, look at her face, mother. -(_Goes to back of settle r. takes up looking-glass which is hanging on -settle r., brings it down and holds it before her._) Look at yourself! -(_she catches him a sound box on the ear. He puts his hand to his face, -and crossing puts back glass._) I didn’t know thee was so strong. That -all comes of those squab pies o’ yourn, mother, I told thee thee wur -putting too much meat in ‘em. - -Mrs. R. (_Laughing._) Ah, it’s thy sauce lad, not my meat, that’s done -it. (_Rises._) Thee’d better try and make thy peace, while me and Mr. -Purtwee has a look round the out-buildings. (_To Mr. Purtwee_) I’ve been -wanting to get hold of thee for a long time. Thee’s never given us so -much as a bit o’ paint for the last ten years, and the stable roof won’t -bear an owl on it. (_Goes up c. with Purtwee._) - -Allen, (_r. near settle._) Thee might show Mr. Purtwee the barn floor -while thee’s about it, mother. It be more like an earthquake than a -floor. - -Mrs. R. Oh, I be a going to show him more than he wants to see, don’t -thee worrit. (_Aside to Mr. Purtwee at door c._) Ah, they’d make a -pretty couple, wouldn’t they? - -Mr. P. (_Looking at them._) No, no, we must make ’em one. - -(_Exit Mrs. Rollitt and Mr. Purtwee c. door._) - -Allen. (_After a pause, r.c._) Well I’ve got thee the cow, anyhow, and -it’s a beauty. - -Deb. (_At tire in a tone of severe and offended dignity._) Thank you, -Mr. Rollitt, it is very kind of you. - -Allen. (_After a pause, with exaggerated politeness._) Don’t mention it, -Miss Deacon--quite a pleasure! - -(_Allen crosses to l., whistles--a pause--pretends to take off leggings. -Puts foot on settle._) - -Deb. Thee may bring me over the butter. - -Allen. (_Looking up._) Hulloa! come back again! Butter, certainly! -(_Takes it from chair off l. on staircase, crosses with it, and holds -it for Deborah while she takes some._) Jolly good butter this week; who -made it? Thee? - -Deb. (_Other side of plate._) Of course I did! I make all the butter -now, and the cream. - -Allen. What, wi’ them little hands. They don’t look big enough to do -anything but be kissed. - -Deb. (_Looking up and smiling._) They can do something else, can’t they? - -Allen. Ah! They be like the parson’s, not as soft as they looks. (_Puts -down butter on the table--pause--during which Deborah proceeds with her -cooking, and Allen stands watching her._) What a jolly little farmer’s -wife thee’d make. - -Deb. Yes; I only want the jolly little farmer. - -Allen. Ah, thee won’t find many of that sort about. Farming don’t pay -enough for a man to get jolly on, now-a-days. - -Deb. Oh, we have enough to eat and drink, and a little to spend on -foolishness. You want so much. - -Allen. (_Goes l._) Not more than what a many has. Not more than a little -bit of what this young Hanning-ford is coming back to--enough to let -a man see what the world’s like a bit, instead of being cooped oop all -one’s life, like an old cow, in one corner of it. - -Deb. But you can’t live all over it, and one corner must be much as good -as another. - -Allen. (_Crosses r._) Ah, thee don’t understand it, lass. Thee women -folk can stand day arter day the same, but we lads are restless wi’ it. -We feel as there’s summat big and stirring going on somewhere, and -we long to be among it--to be in the great world. It seems to call to -me--(_puts foot on settle L._)--to come to it, sometimes. I hear it of -a night when I’m watching the sheep on the hill fields. Maybe it’s only -the sea breaking on the rocks down by Glenthorn--or the wind among the -old oaks, but it sounds like a distant far-off voice--(_gets l. of table -R. with back to Deborah_)--calling to me, and it rings and echoes in -my ears, till I feel at times that I must start up then and there and -follow it. (_Deborah r. of table r. Allen l. of table r._) - -Deb. (_Very gravely, laying her hand on his arm._) Allen, lad, don’t you -remember reading one evening to us of the sirens, who in the old days -used to haunt the sea caves, and sing so sweetly that the sailors who -once paused to listen, were lured on and on till they were wrecked among -the cruel rocks? May not the voices that you hear be like the singing of -those sirens? - -Allen. Maybe, lass; but the sailors couldn’t help but follow when they -did hear it. (_Sits in chair l. of table R._) - -Deb. (_After a pause._) What be the matter, Allen? Thee used to be -contented enough. Now thee’s always talking about riches, and wanting to -go away from the dear old farm. Somethin’s come over thee, lad. (_Puts -hand on Allen’s shoulder._) - -Allen. No, I wur allus like an old crow--(_Deborah takes her hand -away_)--sitting on a fence, and looking at summat too far off to see. -But thee be right partly, lass. Summat has come over me, and made me -want what I can’t get more than ever now. - -Deb. (_Very kindly, r._) What be it? (_With elbows leaning on table, -R._) - -Allen. (_Rises, goes l. c._) Well, I be in love, lass. (_Still looking -away from her._) - -Deb. (_After a pause, during which she has smiled to herself with a -happy little sigh, and clasped her hands together in a sort of little -joyful ecstacy, unnoticed by Allen._) In love! - -Allen. I fancy it must be that. I think of her all day and I dream of -her all night, and I’m jolly miserable. (_At settle, R._) - -Deb. (_Demurely._) Have you any reason to suppose that she returns your -affection? - -Allen. I don’t know, her’s never said anything. - -Deb. Have you? - -Allen. Me! No, I haven’t said anything. - -Deb. Most extraordinary that she doesn’t propose. Have you given her any -encouragement? (_Leans against settle R._) - -Allen. Noa--I can’t say as I have, much. (_Goes r.c._) I’ve looked at -her, you know--soft like--and sighed. (_Does so._) But her’s mostly -been looking t’other way and an’t seen it, and as for saying anything to -her--well, I can talk to her all right about other things and joke and -laugh wi’ her, but the moment I goes to say I love her--it--it seems as -if I’d got a hot potato stuck in my throat. (_Speaking as if she -had, turns away to l. corner of r.table, back to Deborah. His manner -throughout this scene carries out the idea that it is Deborah he is in -love with._) - -Deb. (_After a pause, with a coquettish smile to herself._) - -I--I can’t do anything to help thee, I suppose? (_Goes and leans against -settle R._) - -Allen. Do thee think as her could care for a mere common farmer, -Deborah? - -Deb. (_Turning and looking at him earnestly--comes to front of table -R._) Well--I think if he were a good farmer, and pleaded very hard, I-- - -Allen. (_Delighted._) No, lass! Do ’ee really think a girl could? -(_Advancing to her._) - -Deb. (_Putting her hand to stop him with dignity._) A girl -might--though, of course, a superior sort of girl, such as she appears -to be, might think it presumption for--(_turns away r.puts hand on -corner of table R._) - -Allen. (_Depressed._) Yes--I’m afraid her would. (_Turns away l._) - -Deb. (_Eagerly turning around again._) Then, of course, she mightn’t. -You never can tell till you try. (_Goes to fireplace r. Fish is -changed._) - -Allen. (_Scratching his head._) Blest if I know how to go about it! I -say, Deb, you’ve been proposed to, how do they begin? - -Deb. (_Bending over fire._) Don’t thee think thee’d better tell me who -it is and let me ask her for thee? (_Looking slyly round, pauses._) Who -be her, Allen? - -Allen. (_Going up to window R.c._) Ah, I expect thee knows who her be! - -Deb. (_Beginning softly to creep toward him._) How should I when thee’s -never told me? What be her name? (_Close to him, his back is still -towards her and he doesn’t see her._) Eh? - -Allen. (_Without turning, looking out of the back window up R.c._) -Clara. (_Music cue._) - -(_Bus. Deb. stands still--for the first moment she hardly comprehends. -Then she understands, and stands staring straight before her with a wild -scared look--shivers, crosses back to fireplace on tip-toe and bends -down over it attending to the fish--after Deb. sobs Allen comes down -c.--music dies away._) - -Allen. (_Half turning round._) Colonel Dexter’s daughter, you know. -Thee’ve seen her. Her wur at the Barnstaple ball and I danced wi’ her -and thee said how beautiful her wur and that her dress was all made o’ -some’at or other, and you--(_he has gradually come close over to her -r._) What be the matter, Deb? - -Deb. (_In a changed, hard tone, bending more intently than ever over her -cooking._) Nothing--Nothing. - -Allen. (_Taking her hand._) Why, thee be quite cold, lass; be thee ill? - -Deb. (_Snatching her hand away._) No, no, there’s nothing the matter -with me. Don’t be so foolish, don’t don’t. - -Allen. (_Surprised._) I say, Deb, have I said anything I oughtn’t to? -I know I’m allus a-doing it. (_A pause--Allen stands looking at her, -troubled and bewildered--Deb. bends closer over the fire--then takes the -pan off the fire and with it in her hand turns to Allen smiling._) - -Deb. (_Gives dish to Allen._) Yes, thee have--talking to a cook at the -very moment the trout is on the turn. (_Puts trout on dish._) Serve thee -right if I’d spoilt it. - -Allen. Lor’, thee quite frightened me! (_Pauses._) Yes--I went up there -this afternoon. (_Deb. takes dish from Allen, puts it down in front of -fireplace._) - -Deb. (_Arranging fish._) Did you see her? - -Allen. Yes, I saw her. - -Deb. It doesn’t seem to have made thee any more cheerful. Did thee -quarrel. - -Allen. Us never got a chance. There wur a cousin or summat of the kind -hanging about all the time--just come over with some chap from America. -Can’t say as I like un much. - -Deb. Thee’d best summon up thy courage and speak quick or thee may lose -thy turn. (_Allen turns away L._) Go and tell aunt supper’s ready--be -quick, it’s all spoiling. - -Allen. (_Moving quickly towards door l. down stage._) Where shall I find -her? - -Deb. (_Sharply._) How should I know? - -Allen. (_Looks around surprised--sotto voce._) How the fire do draw out -a woman’s temper, to be sure. - -(_Exit Allen l., down stage._) - -Deb. (_Left alone stands r.a moment without speaking._) What right has -she to come down here and take him away? She doesn’t love him. Couldn’t -she have found enough fine gentlemen in London to amuse her? I don’t -believe she’s a good woman, and I hate her. (_Stamps her foot._) She -shan’t have him--she--(_bursts into quiet tears and, slipping down on -ground, buries her face in chair by fire--pause--after a few seconds -Luke Cranbourne appears in door c. front r., Mike Stratton behind him. -Luke pauses on threshold and coughs. Deb. hastily rises, trying to hide -her tears and stands r. Luke comes forward slowly, followed by Mike at -some distance._) - -Luke. (_After pause, coming forward r.c._) I--beg pardon--there was -nobody about. Are Mrs. Rollitt and Mr. Rollitt at home? - -Deb. Yes, they are at home. I will go and find them. (_Crosses to l._) -Who shall I say it is? - -Luke. (_r.c._) Ah, thank you very much, my dear. Would you say Mr. -Cranbourne--Mr. Luke Cranbourne and Mr. Richard Hanningford? - -Deb. (_Amazed._) Dick Hanningford! - -Luke. (_Smiling._) You know the name? - -Deb. Old Mr. Hanningford’s son? Why, we were only speaking of him -just this instant, and wondering when he’d come back. (_To Luke -hesitatingly._) Are--are you-- - -Luke. No--this is Mr. Hanningford. (_Turns to Mike, who stands awkward -and shy l.c. looking at the ground._) Did you know him? (_Laughs._) - -Deb. Oh, I’m Miss Deacon--Miss Deborah Deacon. We were school-fellows, -you know. (_Timidly approaching Mike with outstretched hand._) I am very -glad to see you Mr.--Mr. Hanningford. - -Mike. Thank you, Miss--I’m very pleased to see you. - -Luke. (_Sitting r._) I suppose you hardly recognize our friend? -(_Watches her intently without her noticing it. Mike has turned away -again, and looks down, flicking leg with cane._) - -Deb. (_Hesitating._) Um! (_Laughs._) Well, he’s certainly altered -since we used to go to school together. But yes--(_examining his -face_)--there’s something of the old face left, I think. - -Luke. We only arrived from America last night, traveling hard all the -time. Pretty nearly worked me to death. Dick has--(_with a yawn_)--but -there, I suppose I should have hurried up pretty smart myself if I’d -been coming home to a fortune. - -Deb. You are staying in the village then, I suppose? - -Luke. Yes, we’ve put up at Colonel Dexter’s--my uncle’s--slow place. -(_Laughing._) But better than the inn apparently. - -Deb. Oh. then you are the--Miss Dexter’s cousin that Allen--(_pauses -hesitating_)--was--was speaking of? - -Luke. Oh, the young fellow that was there this afternoon--was that -Allen? (_With a would-be playful laugh._) And who’s Allen, eh? - -Deb. (_A little stiffly._) Allen is Mr. Rollitt. - -Luke. Oh, I wish I’d known that this afternoon. Dick’s been dying to see -him and his mother all day. I wanted him to wait till the morning, but -he would come down to-night. - -Deb. Oh, I’m sure Allen and Aunt will both be delighted. (_Approaching -Mike, who still stands aside and looks down._) Won’t you be seated, -Mr. Hanningford? (_He makes no sign--hesitatingly._) Dick. (_Mike still -takes no notice. Luke has risen and crossed with assumed carelessness, -towards him and nozu from opposite side of him to Deborah gives him a -sharp kick. Mike starts and looks up._), - -Luke. (_Turning away carelessly._) Lost in reveries of old scenes, Dick, -eh? Miss Deacon is asking you if you won’t sit down. - -Mike. (_Sitting L.c._) Oh, I beg your pardon, Miss, I’m sure. Oh, thank -you, I will. - -Deb. (_Going._) I shan’t be a minute. They are only somewhere about the -yard. - -(_Exit Deborah c. door l. down stage. Luke goes to door, looks off, -closes door, then goes up to door c., looks off, then closes it. Comes -r. of Mike, who is l.c._) - -Luke. (_After waiting an instant, and making sure that no one is -about._) Try and keep some of your wits about you, Mike--if you don’t -mind. - -Mike. (_Sulkily._) I don’t see the darned good of this part of the -trick, so I tell you. - -Luke. I’m afraid we shall have a rough time if your memory doesn’t -improve. I’ve explained to you at least half-a-dozen times that it was -as a sort of trial canter that I wanted to come here. If anyone in -Devon can tell who is Dick Hanningford and who isn’t it will be these -Rollitts. If you pass here you pass anywhere. - -Mike. Well, it’s the very place I should have avoided, and for the same -reason. The old woman knew Dick Hanningford as well as she knows her own -son, and I’d rather avoid her. - -Luke, (_r._) You’re bound to meet her sooner or later. Better get -it over and know the worst--or the best. (_Turns away r. a little._) -Sixteen years make it a little difficult to tell a man, especially -between the age of nine and twenty-five, and you’re like him enough, and -always were. - -Mike. And suppose she gets asking questions--do I remember this, do I -remember that--you know what old women are. - -Luke. Well, you can’t be expected to remember all the details of your -pinafore days after all this time, and knocking about as you have been. -You know all that is necessary for you to know. You knew the old man, -and you were in the house, and you knew young Hanningford. Besides, you -needn’t recollect anything yourself. You recollect what other people -recollect, that’s all you’re wanted to do. - -Mike. (_Rising._) I hope we don’t make a mess of it! (_Turns L._) - -Luke. (_Crossing and laying his hand on Mike’s shoulder, turns him -to c._) We shan’t make a mess of it--don’t you. You know what it’s -for--£100,000 apiece. I’ve done my share of the job--you do yours. -(_Turns r.a little._) - -Mike. (_Turning round and facing him._) Are you sure you did your share? - -Luke, (_l._) What do you mean? (_Turns c._) - -Mike, (_r._) Are you sure he was dead? - -Luke. (_After pausing, during which they have looked steadily at each -other, turning away l._) Well, the bullet went in above his ear, -because I examined the wound: and his body went over a two hundred-foot -precipice--that I could also take an affidavit to--only I’d rather not. -(_Turning round and facing Mike again._) What makes you doubt it? - -Mike. I don’t know--nothing. The idea occurred to me, that’s all. -(_Turns l. a little._) - -Luke. Don’t you drink so much and you won’t have so many ideas. -(_After a pause, during which he seems troubled, shaking it oft with an -effort._) Have you got the letters with you? It will look well to take -them out casually while talking. (_Crosses R.; sits on table._) - -Mike. (_Who has crossed to L., taking them out of his breast pocket and -holding them in his hand._) Yes, here they are all right. Bah! (_With -a shudder._) I always see his face when I look on the darned -things--I--Mrs. R. (_Without, loudly._) Dick Hanningford--Dick -Hanningford, my boy! (_Mike drops suddenly in sitting posture on sofa L. -with a cry “Ah.” Luke works round at back and drops down l._) - -(_Enter Mrs. R., excitedly, followed at little distance by Allen and -Deborah from c. Allen and Deborah remain up. Rachel from door down l._) - -Mrs. R. (_Coming down towards Mike._) What, Dick, my boy, where be thee? -(_Sees Mike on sofa; making towards him._) Ah, there thee be--I thought -I’d know thee again though thee wur only in knickerbockers when I last -saw ’ee. Tain’t thy fault thy father wur a bit stingy. Come and gie us -a hug, lad. Lord love us--(_she is just in font of him, begins to speak -in a bewildered, hesitating manner, in tones gradually dying away to -an awed whisper, as she slowly step by step backs from him._) How--how -you’ve grown--Dick--Dick Hanningford--what--(_stands staring at him; a -strange awed silence prevails_). - -Deb. (_Advancing in a terrified voice._) Aunt. - -Mrs. R. (_Motioning her back with her arm, but not turning and speaking -in a quick, excited, loud tone._) Keep back, child, don’t come near. -(_Luke is near Mike down c._) - -Allen. (_Springing forward._) Mother! What’s the matter? - -Mrs. R. (_As before._) The man’s dead. - -Luke. (_r. stepping forward._) Dead! - -Mr. P. (_Who has entered c. followed by Ichabod and Rachel l. He goes -quietly up to Mike and lays his hand on his heart, and bends over him -earnestly, and it is a few seconds before he speaks._) Heart disease, I -suppose. (_At back of settee l. Gets r.c. of settle._) My letter in his -hand. (_Gets to back of settle._) It’s an ill wind that blows nobody any -good. (_Turns and feels Mike’s heart once again, then quietly turns away -to Allen. Comes c._) He stood between you and £200,000. You are now old -Hanningford’s heir! - -Allen. I! - -Mrs. R. Allen! - -Luke. (_To corpse of Mike--aside as he crosses to back._) Curse you! - - -MEDIUM CURTAIN. - - - - -ACT II. - -Scene: _Morning room in a handsome flat--a showily furnished -room--rather ostentatious and loud in its decoration and appointments. -Large table in bay window r.upper corner. Fire-place r.Doors at back -l.c. and two in l. wing. Small tables r.and L.. Easy chairs l. and R._ - -_Breakfast is laid on large table--it is a gorgeously laid meal--silver -and plate in profusion, and a great number of dishes--tea urn and coffee -urn--a boiling kettle--flowers and ferns in vases and stands. One, a -large wavy one, is at left edge of table close to Allen. The table in -short is crowded and showy to the last degree. A magnificent footman in -gorgeous livery is standing behind; and Mr. Piffin in solemn black waits -close to Allen’s chair, a dish in his hand. Allen is discovered sitting -l. of table, and eating his breakfast in a most melancholy fashion. He -looks intensely miserable and awed. The terrible solemnity of the -whole affair has depressed his spirits to their lowest ebb. He glances -nervously now and then as the meal proceeds, from the footman to the -valet, and vice versa, as they silently and with much ceremony walk -about and wait on him. The fern by his side keeps getting in his -way, tickling and irritating him, but he dare not move it. He eats -in silence, and when he does speak, does so in a humble, deprecating, -nervous manner. He is dressed in a loose morning costume. Music to open -Act._ - -Piff. (_Standing by Allen’s l. elbow c. Peters r. of table R._) May I -get you a little pâté de foie gras, sir? - -Allen. (_Looking round, and speaking in a hushed voice._) I beg pardon? - -Piff. A little pâté de foie gras, sir. - -Allen. Patty who? - -Piff. Goose’s liver, sir. I think you will like it. - -Allen. No, thanks; I never eats liver. It don’t agree with me. I will -have a bit o’ the bacon though. - -Piff. No, sir; it is not dressed that way, sir. I would get used to it -if I were you, sir. You will so often come across it. Peters, just pass -your master the pâté de foie gras. - -(_Peters goes to do so. Allen who has turned again towards his breakfast -is about to take up some gravy from his plate with his knife_). - -Piff. (_Checks him._) I wouldn’t lap up the gravy with my knife, sir. I -don’t think. It’s never done now in good society, sir. - -Allen. It--it’s the best part of it, you know, I alius thinks--the gravy - -Piff. Yes, it’s very tasty, sir. It’s unfortunate it’s so sloppy; and -you see, sir, eating it in that way does not show off the figure to -advantage. Peters, remove your master’s plate. - -(_Peters does so, placing it a few feet beyond Allen’s left hand. Allen -watches it with jealous eyes. Peters then holds the pâté de foie gras to -Allen. He slowly runs his eye up Peters with awe, and then looks at the -pâté de foie gras, then using one hand attempts to take it. Peters, -not moving a muscle, holds it tight. Allen seems surprised, and partly -rising, attempts to take it with both hands._) - -Piff. (_Coming to his rescue, cutting a piece, and putting it on his -plate._) Allow me, sir. Peters, the brown bread and butter. - -Pet. (_Looking for it._) It is not on the table, sir. - -Piff. No brown bread and butter; dear me, how remiss! - -(_Crosses l. and rings bell. Peters also crosses l.c. door, Allen looks -cautiously round and sees they are not watching him, and stealthily -reaches over and secures a knifeful of gravy. He is about having a -second and has the knife close to his mouth, when he becomes aware that -Piff has returned and is watching him. He tries to hide the knife out -of sight. Peters has returned with bread and butter._) - -Piff. (_Severely._) Peters, remove your master’s knife. Don’t you see -that it is in his way? - -(_Peters does so, and then holds the bread and butter to Allen, who -takes a thin slice, folds it up, and holds it in his left hand while -taking the pâté on a fork in his right. He puts first the pâté and then -the bread and butter into his mouth and swallows them._) - -Piff. I must apologize for serving you your breakfast in here, sir. Of -course, you will not have it in the drawing-room as a rule. - -Allen. No, a’ coorse not. No; us alius used to have it in the kitchen at -home. - -Piff. Yes, sir. Must have been very convenient. But I think I’ll get -you to put up with the breakfast parlour in future, sir--when the room’s -ready. Have you quite finished, sir? - -Allen. (_Humbly suggesting._) I think I’d like a little more o’ that -pie. (_Looking longingly at pie the other side of table._) You see, I -alius wur a hearty eater. (_Said as apology_). - -Piff. Yes, sir, I’m delighted to hear it, sir; but I wouldn’t eat any -more breakfast, sir. You will find it is considered correct among _bons -vivants_ to eat a very sparse dejeuner. My late lamented master, the -Count de Fizziani, never partook of anything but a cup of weak tea and a -little dry toast, and he was one of the oldest families in Europe. - -(_Allen rises, Peters bows as he does so, and Allen returns the bow and -comes dozen R._) - -Allen. Ah, I shouldn’t ’a’ thought as anyone could ‘a’ lived long on -that. (_He bows_). - -Piff. No necessity to bow, sir. - -Allen. He did it. (_Indicating Peters_). - -Piff. He’s paid for it. - -Allen. I allus seem to want a good feed myself in the morning. (_Takes -out an old clay pipe and prepares to fill it. Goes down r. and sits in -chair. Peters is clearing away the breakfast things_). - -Piff. Are you thinking of smoking, sir? - -Allen. Yes; I allus has a whiff or two arter breakfast. - -Piff. It’s very soothing, sir. My late lamented master, the Count de -Fizziani, used to follow precisely the same course. But I wouldn’t smoke -a pipe, sir. Pipes are going out in good society. (_Takes cigarette case -from pocket and offers it to Allen. Takes pipe from Allen and puts it on -corner of table R.c._) I have some cigarettes here, sir, which I think -you will like, sir. These are much more _comme il faut_, sir. This case -is a present from my late lamented master, the Count. - -(_Allen looks at them and gingerly takes one._) - -Allen. Which end? - -Piff. (_Lighting match._) Either end, sir. Allow me. (_Showing -matchbox._) Another little souvenir from my late master. He was always -acknowledging, if I may say so, my value to him. That sort of thing -is always done in good society now. (_Lights cigarette._) It is a full -flavored one, sir. (_Piffin takes Allen’s pipe from table r.c., crossing -with it to window r._) - -Allen. (_Watching him, anxiously._) Don’t hurt him. - -Piff. (_Turning round._) I was just going to put it outside on the -window-sill, sir. - -Allen. No, don’t put him there. We used to sit up together of a night -watching the sheep. I don’t like the thought of putting him outside the -window, now I’m a gentleman. Drop him in the pocket of that old shooting -coat o’ mine that thee won’t let me wear. They know each other. (_Sits -r.and smokes his cigarette. Piff. puts the pipe on table and returns -r.c._) - -Piff. (_Noticing that Allen is looking at his cigarette._) All right, -sir? (_r._) - -Allen. Yes--yes, thank you, Mr. Puffin-- - -Piff. Piffin, sir. - -Allen. I wur looking to see if it wur alight, that’s all. - -Piff. You will soon get to like them, sir. And whenever you are ready to -dress, sir-- - -Allen. (_Surprised._) Dress? Why, I be dressed, bain’t I? - -Piff. Oh, only for breakfast, you see, sir. I understood you were going -out walking, sir. - -Allen. Why can’t I walk in these? - -Piff. Oh, no, sir--all London would laugh at you. - -Allen. Lord! I should never a’ thought as they’d take so much notice. -(_Rising. Piff. crosses to l. near down stage door._) Ah, well, I’ll -dress. (_Crossing l._) I don’t want to upset London if I can help it. -I’ll dress. (_Exit l. Bows to Piffin as Piffin does so to him_). - -Piff. No necessity to bow, sir. (_Aside._) Ah, I’ve got a big job on -here! - -(_Exit Piffin, following Allen l. Piffin immediately returns, having -forgotten the pipe, which he takes. He is recrossing l. as enter Dexter -and Clara, c., preceded by Peters, who takes tray from table R.c. and -exits up L._) - -And I’ve got to live in the house with this. - -(_Dexter goes c., Clara r. at back._) - -Dex. (_Coming down._) Good-morning, Piffin, goodmorning. Having a quiet -whiff? - -Piff. Thank you, sir. My stomach does not permit my indulging in the -luxury of a cutty pipe. - -Dex. Is Mr. Rollitt about? - -Piff. He has just this minute gone upstairs to dress, sir. I will let -him know you are here, sir. - -Dex. No hurry--no hurry at all, Piffin. We are before our time. You are -not looking well, Piffin. - -Piff. Anxiety, sir. May be anxiety. You see Mr. Rollitt’s unacquaintance -with the manners of the _beaux esprits_ throws much responsibility on -myself. - -Dex. But you must be careful, Piffin. What would he do without you? - -Piff. (_Smiling._) Well, I’m afraid he would be a little up a tree, sir, -if I may be permitted a vulgarism. (_Moving to door l._) I will go and -acquaint him with your arrival, sir. (_Takes plate from table l., puts -pipe on it._) I’ll send him to you directly, sir. (_Smells pipe._) Shag! -(_Exit l.l._) - -Dex. Thank you, Mr. Piffin, thank you. (_Turning round._) Always be -affable with your inferiors--never know when you may want ‘em. - -Clara. (_By window, looking out._) Do you come across many of that sort? -(_Comes down r. of table R._) - -Dex. Ah, you beast--you vixen. I wonder you don’t cut yourself with that -tongue of yours. - -Clara. (_Turning round with a hard laugh. At fireplace R._) It must be -pretty sharp if it goes through your skin. - -Dex. Ah, you damned-- - -(_Enter Allen l. He has on slippers and a smoking coat_). - -Allen. (_Crossing._) Don’t ’ee look at us too closely. I bean’t -properly dressed yet. - -Clara. (_r.c. turns head away._) I don’t think we had better look at you -at all under those circumstances, Mr. Rollitt. (_Laughs._) - -Allen. (_Laughs._) Oh, I be covered up all right everywhere. I merely -meant as I wasn’t up to fashion plate standard. (_Crossing c._) And how -be Colonel Dexter? (_Shaking hands._) - -Dex. (_l._) Jolly, my boy--and how’s yourself? - -Allen, (_c._) Oh, I be spry enough. (_Crossing before him and shaking -hands with Clara, and keeping her hand._) I think us’ll have a pleasant -day. - -Clara, (_r. looking tenderly at him._) I’m sure we shall. (_Crosses to -sofa, stands at head of it._) - -Dex. Well, you young folks will, I know, and the old folks will be happy -looking on. (_Sitting, and taking Clara’s hand in his and fondling it. -Allen crosses r._) To see his little girl happy, that’s always happiness -enough for old Jack Dexter. - -Clara. (_Leaning over and kissing the top of his hand._) Silly old dad. - -Dex. (_Taking out his handkerchief and pretending to weep._) Ah, like -her mother--like her mother. - -Allen, (_r. c., laughs nervously._) Her--her mother must ha’ been rare -beautiful, mustn’t her? - -Dex. (_c. rising and taking Allen by the hand._) Thank you,--ah, Mr. -Rollitt, you have never known the blessing of a wife--(_Clara looks at -him_)--you do not understand the feelings of a widower. (_Weeping._) - -Allen. No--but--(_laughing_)--but--I hopes to one day; no--no--I don’t -mean that--I--(_confused_)--Have thee had breakfast? (_Clara sits on the -soft L._) - -Dex. Yes, thank you, Allen, my boy. - -Allen. (_Cheerfully._) Have another. - -Dex. No thanks, not to-day. - -Allen. What’s the matter? Off thee feed? - -Dex. No, my lad, but we old folks ain’t like you young country -ones--nothing at present thank you--(_pauses_)--to eat. - -Allen. Have summat to drink. (_Clara crosses l. Both men laugh, each in -his own distinctive way. Dex. turns l. and catches Clara’s face._) -There be some rare old whiskey in the library. Thee’ll find it on the -sideboard--(_Dex. goes up c._)--and it be more comfortable like in there -than here. I’ll just go and finish making myself beautiful. (_Crosses to -l._) - -Clara. Don’t be too long. (_Crossing and sitting L.c._) - -Allen. (_Laughing._) No, it oughtn’t to take me long to--(_Dex. has his -back to them, wine business at table r.c._)--do that, ought it? (_Goes -to l. door down stage. Laughs, and then low to Clara as he is going._) I -am not likely to stop upstairs long when I know thee’s downstairs. - -Clara. Go away, go away. - -(_Exit Allen down stage l. Bus. She kisses her hand._) - -Dex. And I suppose you will go and throw this chance away, like you have -every other. - -Clara. Well, what if I do? (_Rises, crosses it._) - -Dex. What if you do? What are we to live on? (_Goes to Clara l._) - -Clara. Gulls, I suppose--as we always have done. - -Dex. Yes, and is it pleasant living? Is it pleasant to have to slave -and trick for every dinner? Is it pleasant to be kicked--sooner or -later--out of every society one goes into? (_Coming close and speaking -low._) Was it pleasant to be buried for two years in that God-forsaken -hole by Exmoor, not daring to show our heads above ground for a moment? -You’ve got a fine chance of being respectable now. - -Clara. Too late, I’m afraid, though. - -Dex. (_r. c._) Too late? - -Clara. Yes--you see, papa, dear, you haven’t exactly brought me up -in that way, and I’m afraid I’m too old to learn now. I don’t think I -should be quite at home as the wife of a piously brought up young man -from the country. (_Leans back--laughs._) - -Dex. And so you’re going to let six thousand a year slip through your -fingers. It’s wicked--it’s wicked. - -Clara. (_Laughs--rises._) Well, it hasn’t slipped through my fingers -just at present, it is sticking to them pretty freely. (_Crosses to -R.--Dex is c.--toys with ring._) - -Dex. (_Goes to table r.c._) And how long do you think he will stand you -playing with him? - -Clara. Oh, a good long while yet. (_Goes up._) - -Dex. (_Puts hat on table r.c._) That’s just where you’re making a -mistake then. He’s not a fool. He’ll want an answer, “Yes,” or “No,” - soon, and what are you going to say then? - -Clara. (_Looking out of window._) No. (_Looking into fireplace r._) - -Dex. (_After a pause--violently._) Luke Cranbourne’s at the bottom -of this. What devil’s game is it that’s going on between you and him? -(_Loudly._) - -Clara. I do wish you wouldn’t drink when you’re coming out anywhere, it -always makes you so noisy. (_At glass._) - -Dex. (_Violently._) Take care, Clara--you seem to forget I’m your -father. - -Clara. (_Coldly._) The relationship was none of my seeking. -Whatever responsibility attaches to the unfortunate--(_moves near -Dex._)--occurrence is not mine. - -Dex. (_l. making movement as if to strike her._) Clara. - -Clara. (_Facing him with quiet contempt--a pause._) Put down your hands, -father. That period of my life is over. (_Crosses. Dex. steps back, then -throws himself into chair, leans his head on his arms, and bursts into -tears r.c._) - -Dex. (_Crying._) My own child hates me. - -Clara. (_Crossing and laying a hand on his shoulder gently._) I don’t -mean to be hard, father, but you can’t expect much love and duty from -me. Curses and blows were all you ever gave me as a child, and ever -since I became a woman you have merely hawked me about as your decoy. - -Dex. (_ Whimpering._) I only want you to do what’s for your own good. - -Clara. (_Turns away L._) Yes, but you must allow me to be the judge of -that--and come--you haven’t had much cause to grumble up to now. You’ve -been able to be drunk every night for the last three months. - -Dex. (_Rises c._) I ain’t been drunk. (_Takes hat off table r. c._) - -Clara. Not for you perhaps--(_goes l. a little_)--drunk in the ordinary -sense of the word--and I will get you something to-day if I can. - -Dex. (_Drying his eyes._) God bless you, Clara, you’re a good girl. Do -you think you’ll be able to get a twenty? - -Clara. You must leave it to me. I’ll get you as much as I can. - -Allen. (_Off l._) Thank you, Mr. Puffin. - -Piff. (_Off l._) Piffin, Piffin, sir. - -Clara. (_Moving away towards door--upper l._) Come into the next room -now. Here’s Allen coming back. - -Dex. (_As he follows her out._) Say you want to help a poor woman who’s -very ill, and has been ordered nourishing food and--(_gags._) - -(_Exeunt Clara and Dex. upper l._) - -(_Enter Allen and Piff. l. Allen is completely dressed in the height of -walking costume, and is evidently very uncomfortable. Enter Peters c. -Pet. puts photo case on table r. c. Exits down c. Allen has on hat and -coat, and Piff. is carrying his umbrella and gloves. Allen should be got -up in a slightly exaggerated masher style. He is smoking a cigarette._) - -Allen. I carn’t breathe, Mr. Puffin. - -Piff. Oh, you will soon get used to that, sir. And would you please to -remember my name is Piffin, sir? (_Taking his hand._) Why, surely these -are nines, sir, I think we could get them down to eight and a half, and -if I were you, sir, I would show a little more cuff, sir, it’s always -done in good society, sir; besides, it makes the hand look smaller; a -little cuff, sir, goes a long way in good society. - -Allen. Thank you, Mr. Piffin. (_Shakes his hand._) - -Piff. Thank you, sir, but I don’t think you ought to shake hands with -me, sir. And when you do shake hands with your friends, sir--allow me -(_takes Allen’s hand_) shake high, sir. (_Shakes his hand high._) You’ll -see it’s always done in good society, sir. Lord Carmichael’s man told me -he met you yesterday, sir. - -Allen. I--I don’t know him, do I? - -Piff. Oh, no, sir, but he knows you, sir, and he was rather complaining -of your walk, sir? - -Allen. Why, what’s it got to do with him? - -Piff. Well, sir, knowing as I’m your coach, sir, he meant it as a -friendly hint. You have rather a countrified walk, if you will forgive -me for saying so--a more _négligé_ style is adopted by the _savoir -vivre_ now, sir, and a more _insouciant_ manner of carrying the -umbrella. You walk too much in this way, sir. (_Taking up umbrella, -gags, and imitates._) - -Allen. Lord love us, do I walk like that? - -Piff. Just like that, sir. You see yourself, sir, what a very -_undestingué_ appearance it presents. The present fashionable style is -more like this, sir. (_Performing an exaggerated Piccadilly dawdle._) -See, sir--body a little forward--knees stiff--and a slight wobble, -sir--very slight. (_Handing Allen the umbrella._) Perhaps, sir, you -would take the umbrella and try it, sir. - -(_Allen attempts the business._) - -Piff. (_Criticising Allen’s practice. Allen crosses to R._) A little -more bend, sir--a little wobble, sir--umbrella held lightly between -the first and second fingers, sir, (_Allen goes l._) and if you could -manage--allow me, sir--. (_takes umbrella, shows him, and returns it_) -to swing it right round now and then, sir, it adds great _aplomb_. - -Allen. Great what? - -Piff. French, sir. - -Allen. (_Swings umbrella round awkwardly._) Like that? - -Piff. Not quite like that, sir. A little more airily, sir. - -Allen. (_Swinging it._) Does it ever put anybody’s eye out behind? - -Piff. I don’t think that point is considered of much importance in good -society, sir--that is much better, sir. (_Goes r.Allen l._) If you -would practice like that a little every day, sir, you would soon pick it -up, sir. A little more bend, sir, and--er--don’t forget the wobble. - -(_Exit l. down stage._) - -(_Allen goes on practicing to himself, making as much fun as possible, -consistent with comedy, out of the bus. As he is in the middle of it, -enter Mrs. R.and Deb. door c., the door being opened for them by Peters. -They stand c. staring aghast at Allen, who continues, unconscious of -their presence._) - -Allen. (_Gags._) Soon pick it up! Strikes me someone’ll have to pick me -up. It puts me in mind of one of our old turkey cocks. - -(_Mrs. R. and Deb. come down stage a little._) - -Allen. (_Bus. in r. corner of stage. Peters withdraws, grinning._) - -Deb. (_After a long pause, clapping her hands._) I know what it is, -aunt. It’s our Allen. - -Allen. (_Seeing them._) Mother! (_Comes down r.c. Deb. l. c._) - -Mrs. R. My boy! (_They rush into each other’s arms c. and Mrs. R. gives -him a huge hug--gets r.of Allen, Deb. l. Then he and Deb. have an -embrace, and then he and Mrs. R. for the second time._) - -Allen. (_In the middle of Mrs. R. second hug._) Hold hard! - -Mrs. R. (_Alarmed._) What’s the matter, lad? - -Allen. Summat’s gone. - -Mrs. R. What? - -Allen. I don’t know; summat behind. (_Drawing back r. and looking down -at himself._) Mother, you’ve spoilt me. - -Mrs. R. Ah, they used to tell me I allus did that, lad. (_Laughs._) - -Deb. (_After gazing in silent admiration at Allen._) Oh, aunt, isn’t it -lovely? Look at its hat! - -Mrs. R. (_Critically examining his clothes._) Ah--and there’s some good -stuff there, too. (_Moving away._) - -Deb. (_Going near and sniffing._) Oh, oh! Doesn’t it smell -nice--and--oh, look at its collar! (_Allen pleased--begins to plume -himself--Deb. begins to laugh._) - -Allen. What’s the matter with the collar--what are you laughing at? -(_Trying to look at his own collar. Debt’s laugh only grows, and Allen’s -indignation begins to rise._) - -Allen. What’s the matter--what are you laughing at? (_Deb. laughing more -and more, goes to walk round him. Turning round, so as to face her--his -collar prevents him turning his head, and he has to walk round._) What -are you up to? - -Deb. I want to see it all round. - -Allen. (_Very indignantly._) Well then, you can’t do it. I ain’t a show. -What are you laughing at? There’s nothing to laugh at. (_Mrs. R. laughs -first time._) It’s your ignorance, because you don’t understand things. -What are you laughing at? - -(_Mrs. R., who has hitherto sat R. looking on, now also begins to laugh, -and she and Deb. go on laughing more and more, Allen growing more and -more indignant._) - -Allen. I am surprised at you, mother. Deb. allus was a--(_the two women -only laugh louder, and Allen in spite of himself begins to laugh too; -afterwards he joins in heartily and all three laugh, after which they -have another hug. Bus._) - -Mrs. R. (_Exhausted._) Well, lad, and how dost thee like being a -gentleman? (_Sits r., Deb. sits l._) - -Allen, (_c. doubtfully._) Well, it’s got its drawbacks, mother. There’s -more work about it than you’d think for, you know,--but I think I shall -be all right, I’ve got a good man learning me. He wur teaching me to -walk this morning. That wus the Park stroll I wur practicing when you -come in; see, mother? (_Imitates stroll._) - -Mrs. R. Ah, well, us made a good man of ’ee down in Devon. I hopes -they don’t spoil ’ee, lad, in turning thee into a gentleman. - -Allen. Ah, no, mother. It’s only a polishing up the outside. I’m old -Exmoor oak--(_puts his hat and umbrella on table r. c._)--I hope, right -through, and they can’t hurt that. When did ’ee come up? (_Sits r. -c._) - -Mrs. R. Only yesterday, and us went to Mrs. Clouter’s and slept, and -then us come on here this morning. - -Allen. And how long can you stop? - -Mrs. R. Well, us must start off to-morrow, some time. - -Allen. To-morrow! Oh, nonsense, mother. - -Mrs. R. Nonsense! Why, bless the lad, thee wouldn’t have me away on -Saturday. Why, who’d pay the wages, and see to everything? - -Allen. Why, there’s Rogers there, ain’t there? - -Mrs. R. Ah, why thee might just as well leave the key of the stable in -charge o’ the old bay mare, as trust him to look arter anything, except -his own inside. - -Allen. (_After a pause._) Mother! (_Rises, goes to Mrs. R. r._) What do -ye want to go back at all for, and work and worry yourself to death? Let -me take a little house up here in London for thee and Deb, and then we -can all be together. - -Mrs. R. (_Aghast._) And leave the farm? - -Deb. (_Turning round._) Oh, Allen! - -Allen. Why not? You’ve worked hard enough, mother--give the farm up and -enjoy yourself. - -Mrs. R. Enjoy myself! Away from Woodbarrow - -Farm! Why, lad, thy father wur born there and brought me home there--and -he died there, and thee wur born there--and there be the pigs and the -poultry! (_Begins to cry._) - -Allen. (_Tenderly patting her._) All right, mother, all right. Us’ll -keep it on. - -Mrs. R. (_Wiping her eyes._) And thee might want to come back to it -theeself some day, lad. - -Allen. (_Laughing._) Why, thee don’t think I’m going to run through two -hundred thousand, do ye, mother? We Devonshire lads win fortunes, not -lose ‘em. (_Crossing c._) - -Mrs. R. Ah, no, lad. But thee knows the saying “Roses blossom for a day, -But stout old ivy’s green al-way.” Thee ain’t likely to lose the money, -if thee can help it, lad, but us all be in God’s hands, and I’ll be -easier in my mind if the farm’s there for thee to come home to. If -anything happens, thee knows the way across the Moor, and thee knows how -the latch goes, and me and the lass will be inside to welcome thee. - -Allen. (_Goes l. takes Deb.’s hand._) Ah, I know you will, mother, both -of you. - -Mrs. R. (_Music--piano._) Leastways I shall--and the lass until her gets -married, I suppose. (_Deb. goes up a little; gets r._) - -Allen. (_Surprised._) Until her gets married? (_Deb. goes to Mrs. R. r.; -tries to stop her speaking._) - -Mrs. R. (_Sharply._) Ah, the lads ain’t all fools. - -Allen. (_Evidently troubled._) I never seemed to think o’ Deb’s getting -married, somehow. - -Mrs. R. Well, other folks have. - -Allen. I can’t fancy the old farm wi’out Deb. Lord, how lonesome it -would be. - -Deb. (_Who has been trying to stop Mrs. R., has come down and stands by -her aunt, l._) Oh, it’s only aunt’s fun. (_Goes to Allen, l. c._) I’m -not going to get married. Sure the pigs and cows are worrit enough wi’ -their foolish ways. I don’t want any husband. - -Allen. Ah, thee will some day, o’ course, and when thee does we must -make thee comfortable, lass. (_Taking her hand._) Thee shalt ha’ the -best farm in all the country, and the best dairy, and the best stock. - -Deb. (_Little c._) Thank thee, Allen dear. (_Turns up stage._) - -Mrs. R. (_Rising; music dies away._) Well, lass, I suppose us had better -have a clean down and summat to eat, and then see about our bit o’ -shopping. - -Allen. Lord help us! (_Starting._) If I ain’t forgot all about ‘em. - -Mrs. R. All about whom? - -Allen. Why, Clara--Miss Dexter and her father--they be in the library -waiting for me. - -Deb. Oh, don’t let us keep you from them. (_A little spitefully._) - -Allen. Oh, I shan’t go out this morning, now. (_Gets hat and umbrella -from table r.c._) I shall get them to stop here instead, and us can -have a nice quiet day all together. (_Going towards door, lower l._) -Come on, mother. (_Crosses to c._) I’ve got a room fitted up a’purpose -for thee and Deb, with a roost just outside the window with a cock and -three hens in it, and he crows all night. - -(_Exeunt Allen, Deb., and Mrs. R. down stage._) - -(_Enter Baron von Schorr (1) and the Hon. Tom. Gus-sett (2), ushered in -by Peters c. (3). Enter Luke c., and Dexter u. l. (4), afterwards Clara -(5.) Baron goes down l., Gussett r., Luke r. c., Dexter l. c._) - -Dex. (_l._) Rollitt’s going out. You can’t see him. It’s no good your -coming here to try and fleece him this morning. I tell you he’s going -out. - -Luke. (_Coming down r.c._) Ah, we’ll wait and say good-bye to him, -Jack. - -Baron. (_l. c._) Ah, greedy Jack,--greedy Jack--you want de bird all -to yourself. Nein--nein, zhare and zhare alike. Herr Cranbourne have a -ving, Tom Gussett, he have de oder ving. You and your fair daughter have -de legs, and I vill have de breast. - -Clara. No, you shall have the bones after we’ve done with them. Make -’em into a stew--keep a German baron for a week. (_Others laugh._) - -Baron. Ah, Trickey, you here. (_Motioning towards Clara and her -father._) Ah, de early birds--de early birds. - -Clara. Yes, we have to be. (_Rises, and goes r.imitating him._) De -worms get up so early nowadays. (_Enter Allen lower l. Baron goes to -meet him. Guss. puts him away and he turns up c. Speaks to Dex._) - -Allen. Hullo! Unexpected pleasure! - -(_Luke comes forward and greets Allen c._) - -Guss. (_r._) Haven’t seen you for an age, dear boy. - -Allen. No. (_Goes to Luke r._) I’ve been keeping pretty respectable of -late--I--I mean, you know, I haven’t been going out much. - -Luke, (_l._) Tom and I are going over to Paris for the Vincennes -meeting, and we’ve come to see if you will join. - -Guss. (_l. of Allen r._) Yes, do come; then we can show you about Paris -a bit, you know. - -Luke. Ah, yes, and we shall be able to get you into one or two things -in the betting line if you are with us. We can introduce you to some -friends of ours. - -Allen. Ah, it be very kind of thee, I’m sure. - -(_They go on talking r._) - -Baron. (_Aside to the Dexters, back of Clara._) I say, Jack, my boy, how -long have you been Colonel? I did not know you vas a militaire. - -Clara. Papa joined the Salvation Army about the same time that you were -raised to the German Peerage. Don’t talk so loud, my dear Baron. - -Baron. Gut, gut. - -(_Luke sits down stage r. with back to audience, looking at betting -book._) - -Guss. (_To Allen r._) Of course we shall take care of your interests as -if it was for ourselves. - -Baron. (_Comes and puts arm in Allen’s._) Of course they vill take care -ob your interests for themselves. Come here. (_Goes l._) You know I have -been tinking about you so much ob late. Ja! - -Allen. Ah, very kind of thee, I’m sure. - -Baron, (_l._) Ja, I say to myself, my fren Rollitt--I always call you my -fren--my fren Rollitt, I say, he is a gut fellow--he has money--all -he vants is family. (_Guss. goes to Dex. l. c._) He must marry family. -(_Dex. goes c. and tries to hear conversation--Baron notices it and -crosses to r.with Allen._) Now, Miss Dexter, she is a nice girl--ach, -such a nice girl--but she has no family. - -Allen. No--not yet. (_Luke gets near fireplace R._) - -Baron, (_r. Seeing it after a while._) Ah, nein, nein--I do not mean vat -you mean--I mean family de oder vay--backvards--dead uns. - -Allen. Oh! - -Baron. Ja. Now, dere is my niece, look at her family! Look at her -ancestors--all barons--German barons! And she is such a nice girl--so -beaudiful--so plump--ach, I will indroduce her to you. She vill mash -you--so much. She-- - -(_Enter Mrs. R., Deb. behind her, lower l. door. Seeing the room full -she stands by door hesitatingly._) - -Guss. (_Coming down and interrupting, with a sneering laugh._) Your -nurse, Rollitt, I think. (_Comes c. Luke goes to fireplace R._) - -Allen. (_Turns and sees them, and then goes towards them._) Yes, Mr. -Gussett--the best nurse a man can have--my mother. - -(_Guss. confused, but soon recovers himself and laughs it off. Col. D., -Luke, and Clara come forward to greet Mrs. R. and Deb. l. c., and the -customary ceremony, etc., is gone through--all speaking together._) - -Clara. (_Smiling pleasantly, shakes hands with Mrs. R._) Good-morning, -Mrs. Rollitt. You are looking so well and jolly. How are you, my dear? -(_To Deb. Between these two the greeting is really strained and awkward, -although outwardly pleasant enough. Clara kisses Deb., but Deb. seems -to shrink--she turns away. Clara notices this, and follows Deb. as she -turns away up c., with a meaning look. While it has been going on the -greeting between Mrs. R. and Luke has taken place--Mrs. R. down l._) - -Allen. (_Finishing his introduction of Mrs. R. and Baron._) The Baron -von Schnorr--Mrs. Rollitt, my mother. - -Baron. Your mudder--Oh, impossible. (_Goes l. c._) - -Mrs. R. (_Huffy._) I beg your pardon, Mr. Snort. - -Baron. Ach, ja, you are laughing at me--not your mudder. - -(_Clara walks round at back, drops down r. near Luke._) - -Mrs. R. (_Very indignant._) Yes--his mother. Don’t you cast any of your -nasty foreign insinuations upon me. I’m his lawful married mother, and -his father was his father, and a better man never lived, as anyone in -Exmoor-- - -Allen. (_Soothing her._) It’s all right, mother, the Baron only means -it complimentary. Thee’st supposed to look too young to be anybody’s -mother. He has to take (_Clara sits r._) thee for my sister. -(_Laughing--goes up l. c. with Dex._) - -Baron. Ja--I take you for his sister. Ach, you English ladies, you never -seem to get more old--you only get more round, more--more jolly. - -Mrs. R. (_Still indignant._) Ah--foolishness. (_Ruffling her dress and -sitting very stiff l. on sofa._) - -Baron. (_Sitting on sofa beside her._) It must be de climate keep you -so moist. (_Drawing closer._) I knew a man, he lives in your Manchester, -and--(_goes on talking to Mrs. R. but is not heard._) - -(_Allen goes up and joins Col. Dex. up l. c. and Clara. After a little -while Col. Dex. appropriates him, leaving Clara a little to r.of them -unnoticed. Guss. continues talking to Deb. Deb. evidently bored and -anxious to get away. Guss. trying to be very agreeable. At this point -when all the others are occupied, Luke r. beckons Clara to him and she -crosses. Their conversation is in eager undertone and they watch to see -that no one is noticing them._) - -Luke. Have you got him to join yet? - -Clara. No--he kicks against it. - -Luke. If his name isn’t down in the list of directors before Monday I -shall be arrested. - -Clara. Can’t you get away? - -Luke. No, I’m watched night and day. If he joins, the company will float -and it will be all right. - -Clara. I shall be seeing him alone this morning. I will try again. - -Luke. And keep to plain gold and diamonds for presents. Those fallal -things (_touching her bracelet_) are no good. Don’t fetch ten per cent, -of their value. - -Deb. (_Part of the conversation between herself and Guss. Abstractedly, -her attention being fixed on Luke and Clara._) Ha, ha! that was very -funny. - -(_Guss. r. with Deb. looks at her in amazement._) - -Luke. (_Down r._) There’s that milkmaid watching us--don’t look around, -answer as though I had been proposing to you--that will account for our -talking together. (_In a louder but still undertone._) Is there no hope -for me? - -Clara. (_Down r.--smiling._) None, Luke--please don’t refer to the -subject again. I like you--respect you--will be a sister to you--but -love-- - -Luke. (_Grinning._) Yes, it’s that Rollitt that you love. (_Deb., -followed by Guss., has moved away to window._) - -Clara. Mr. Cranbourne, you have no right-- - -Luke. (_Who has been watching Deb._) Chuck it up, it’s all right, she’s -gone to the window. - -Clara. I don’t suppose we’ve deceived her very much, she’s a sharp -little minx. Get these men away. - -(_Clara takes up book, and standing, toys with it up r. front of r.c. -table._) - -Baron. (_Finishing._) She never leave her bed for eighteen years--she -take dree dozes--den she get up and go for a dree mile walk. - -Mrs. R. (_Rising._) Lor! It must have been quite a change for her. - -Baron. (_Rising._) Ja. It vas a miragle. (_Turning and seeing Luke -beside him._) Ha, my dear boy, ready? - -Luke. (_Crosses to Baron._) Ready and off. - -Allen. (_Coming down c. followed by Dex._) Oh, are you three going? - -(_Baron goes c._) - -Luke. Yes, I know you’ll be glad to be rid of us. (_Laughing._) - -Allen. Well, I have (_looking at watch_) one or two little things to do -this morning. - -(_Baron goes up c._) - -Dex. Well, look here, Allen, I’m just going to have a quiet weed in the -smoking room till you’re ready. See? - -Allen. Oh, it be a billiard room now, thee know. - -Luke. Oh. have you had a table put up? - -Clara. (_Who has just crossed over and joined the group l. to Mrs. R. -who is just about quitting the room by door l. lower._) Do you allow -your little boy to play billiards, Mrs. Rollitt? I don’t think I should -if I had charge of him. (_Playfully._) - -Mrs. R. Oh, the more he’s up to every sort o’ game that’s played the -better for him, to my thinking. - -(_Exit Mrs. R. l._) - -Allen. (_Laughing._) Oh, it keeps me at home out of mischief, like. -(_Moves to upper door L._) Come and have a look at it. (_Goes up c._) - -Baron. (_As they go._) Ach, billiards iz a beaudiful game. (_Aside to -Luke._) But you cannot vin much at id, id take so dam long. - -(_Exeunt all but Guss. and Deb. [l.]--all talking as they go. Guss. and -Deb. near fireplace._) - -Deb. (_r._) Well, I’m afraid, Mr. Gussett, I must really go now. (_Goes -down stage. Guss. goes l. c. and stops her._) - -Guss. (_Getting between her and the door l. to which she is backing._) -Oh, no, don’t go. Do you know, I shall really think you are trying to -avoid me. - -Deb. (_Retreating behind table--Guss. takes a step._) Oh, not at all. - -Guss. (_c. gets l. of r. c. table._) Ah, so pleasant to hear you say so. -You know, Miss Deacon, I so want you to like me. - -Deb. Yes, well--I do very much, only I can’t stop to do it now, because -you see aunt wants me. (_Moves c. up stage. Guss. stops her. Bus. of -Deb. trying to get away and of Guss. cutting her off and trying to get -near her; is kept up throughout the scene._) - -Guss. Ah, but your aunt sees so much of you and I can see so little. - -Deb. (_Laughing, walks l. c. up stage. Guss. at head of sofa._) I’m -afraid there’s not very much more of me to see. I must go really, -because we have got to do some shopping this morning. - -Guss. Ah, let me come with you? - -Deb. Oh, no, I won’t tax your kindness. I know you men hate shopping, -and we are going into drapers’ and dressmakers’ and all sorts of -dreadful places, (_c._) - -Guss. Ah, they will not be dreadful if you are there, Miss Deacon. - -Deb. And aunt always takes such a long time shopping. (_Goes up c._) -Never can make up her mind, and I’m worse still, and--(_makes movement, -Guss. moves behind settle and stops her down l._) - -Guss. Ah, the longer you take, the better I shall like it. I shall enjoy -coming, I assure you. - -Deb. (_Getting more and more cross, comes r.c._) Well you know I really -don’t think you will; and really, Mr. Gussett--(_turns r.a little._) - -Guss. (_Interrupting._) Ah, I know better. No, I quite insist upon -coming. - -Deb. (_With calm, suppressed temper._) Ah, all right, Mr. Gussett, you -shall. (_Crossing l. meets Mrs. R. just entering l._) Aunt, I want you. -(_Turning her round again._) - -Mrs. R. (_l._) Why, whatever’s the-- - -Deb. I’ll tell you, come along. - -(_Exeunt Mrs. R. and Deb. l._) - -Guss. (_r. turns and arranges his moustache in glass over chimney_). -Might do worse, Gussy, my boy. (_Turns round again._) She’s not a bad -little thing, lick her into shape a bit. - -(_Enter Luke, upper l._) - -Luke. (_Crossing to table and taking up his hat._) Coming? - -Guss. No, dear boy. (_Laughing._) Got a little job on. - -Luke. Oh, on the war-path? - -Guss. Yes--well, I may as well keep it in hand--Chawbacon will make her -good for a thousand or two, I expect--if nothing better turns up. - -Luke. Ah--wish you luck--she’ll be a good match for you, I think, Gussy. - -(_Exit Luke c._) - -(_Enter Mrs. R. and Deb. lower door l. Both are wearing old-fashioned -big country shawls, and big bonnets. Deb. evidently has on one of her -aunt’s. Their dress altogether is as extravagant as comedy will permit, -and has evidently been hastily put on. Deb. also carries a big country -hand-basket covered with a cloth, the neck of a bottle sticking -prominently out, and a huge gamp. Deb. smothering her laughter_). - -Deb. (_Crossing r.c._) We are quite ready, Mr. Gussett - -Mrs. R. Yes, we are quite ready. - -Guss. (_Who has regarded them with a horrified stare._) Ah, yes, if you -will wait a minute I think I will call a cab. - -Deb. Oh, we’d rather walk, thank you--you would rather walk, wouldn’t -you, aunt? - -Mrs. R. Oh, I’ve made up my mind for a walk. - -Deb. Yes, we would both rather walk. Will you give your arm to aunty, -Mr. Gussett? (_Guss. crosses to c._) And be very careful of her at the -crossings, because she’s rather nervous, and so am I. - -Deb. (_r.c. handing the basket to Guss._) You won’t mind carrying the -basket, will you, Mr. Gussett, because it’s so heavy? (_He takes it -bewildered and helpless._) - -(_As Guss., Deb. and Mrs. R. reach door c., enter Allen and Clara l. -upper e._) - -Allen. Hulloa! Where be thee off to? - -Deb. Down Regent street, and up--Piccadilly, I think you call it. -Good-bye. - -(_Exeunt Mrs. R., Deb. and Guss. c._) - -Clara. (_Comes l. laughing._) I should like to be there to see the Hon. -Tom Gussett at the crossings. - -Allen. (_Half amused, half cross._) Ah, her be a madcap, her be, that -girl. What makes thee so anxious that I should join the company? - -Clara. (_Sitting l. on sofa, Allen stands by her, behind sofa, leaning -over._) Why, don’t you see, poor papa could be secretary if you joined. -They would let you nominate him, and we should be so glad to be earning -something--(_very low_)--and we are so poor. (_Laying her hand on him._) -Do join, Allen, for my sake. - -Allen. (_Yielding--back of sofa._) Ah, thee don’t know how hard thee -makes it for me to say no. - -Clara. Then don’t say it--it would make me so happy. (_Looking up at -him._) - -Allen. It would? - -Clara. (_Laying her hand as if unwittingly on his._) - -And I should think you--(_drooping her head._) Ah! I’d better not say -what I should think you. - -Allen. Ah, well, lass, if you wish it, I will then. - -Clara. You will really? - -Allen. Yes--if it will make thee happy I will. And now let’s talk about -yourself. (_Sits l. next to Clara._) Thee is the company I most wants to -join. How have thee been getting on? - -Clara. (_Looking down._) Oh, dear! - -Allen. What does “Oh dear” mean? - -Clara. “Oh, dear” means very bad. Debts. (_With assumed bewilderment._) -Awful! - -Allen. (_Smiling._) What sort of debts? - -Clara. Oh, all sorts--tradespeople, you know, and all that, and then I -thought I could win a little by betting--(_Allen rises_)--and put it all -right--and I’ve been and lost. Oh dear! - -Allen. (_Vexed, goes c._) I should ha’ thought there wur enough fools -among us men trying to win money that way. - -Clara. I am naughty, I know--but papa leaves everything to me, and I get -so frightened when I see the debts mounting up and nothing to meet them, -and I’ve no one to advise me. (_Crosses l._) - -Allen. (_After a pause, rises, goes to Clara--kindly._) I didn’t mean -to speak unkind, lass. I’m full of old-fashioned notions about women, I -suppose. I like ’em to be women--not mere men in petticoats. How much -does thee owe? - -Clara. Oh, heaps! (_Handing him pocket-book._) Look. (_Allen crosses to -R. and sits at table._) And I haven’t any money. (_Rising and looking -over his shoulder R., as he examines the book._) Do you think they’ll -put me in prison? - -Allen. (_Turns--laughing._) Thee ought to be taken in charge by -somebody, that’s certain. (_Allen rises, puts some notes from his -pocket-book into hers, and hands it back to her._) I owe your father -a little over one or two bets. I can take it off that and give him the -rest, like. (_Crosses to l._) - -Clara. (_Takes book and lays it on the table--the notes drop out on to -the table._) You are good, Allen, really. (_Puts book on table R.--half -to herself._) I wish sometimes that you weren’t--that you were more like -other men I have met. (_Turning away r._) - -Allen. Why, would thee like me better? - -Clara. No, but I should like myself better. - -Allen. What do thee mean, lass? - -Clara. Nothing. I’m not used to your sort of men. (_Goes to fireplace, -then up R., throwing off her seriousness and turning towards him._) You -are like the knight, Allen, out of some old legend that comes and slays -the dragon and sets the frightened princess free from all her trouble. -(_Laughing._) - -Allen. (_Goes to table r. Clara r.c. at top of table._) When art thee -going to gie me the right to be thy knight always? - -Clara..(_Sits at table playfully._) Ah, the gallant knights are apt -to turn into grim jailers--(_comes l. of r. table_)--when they get the -princess into their own castles. - -Allen. Can’t thee believe me, Clara? Trust me, lass--I’m only a rough -country chap to be asking a beautiful lady like thee to be my wife. But -if I can’t gie thee anything very showy on the outside, it will make me -the more eager alius to keep a loving heart for thee within. - -Clara. Oh, no. (_Sits in chair l. of table._) A lover on his knees is so -much nicer than a lover on your arm. You are so nice, Allen, as you are, -you can’t think. I really couldn’t bring myself to risk a change. - -Allen, (_c._) It would be a change for thee, Clara--(_leans on table at -back of Clara, puts hand on Clara’s chair_)--from a rough and troubled -road to one where every stone wur smoothed away from your path---where -every thorn wur held back as you passed--where, instead of care for -the day and dread for the morrow, thee would feel that a strong arm wur -round thee--that a loving hand wur working out thy life for thee. Cannot -thee risk the change, Clara? - -Clara. (_Rises, Allen takes her right hand, turns away R._) Ah, I -suppose there are such lives for some women. It must be very good when -you are tired. (_Facing round to L.c._) And you, Allen--women do not -always seem so charming after marriage as they did before. It might be a -risk for you. - -Allen. To have the sweetest, noblest woman in the world to be my wife? -I’ll risk that. (_Laughs, comes c._) - -Clara. (_Turning away again to R., Allen l.c._) Ah, you boys, you think -all women are angels. - -Allen. So they are--a good woman is an angel. - -Clara. (_At Are, facing round and looking at him._) How do you know I am -good? (_Very low and serious. Allen drops down c. A pause. He looks in -surprise and inquiry at her, not knowing what to answer._) - -Clara. Hadn’t you better make sure, Allen? (_Laughing._) What do you -know of my past--of even my present--of whence I came--what I am? -(_Laughs._) Suppose, Allen, suppose I were only an adventuress. -(_Takes a step._) A woman with the blood of sharpers and thieves in her -veins--whose nursery was the gambling house--whose school was the Café -and the Boulevards--a woman who earned her daily bread by shamelessness -and cunning--a woman whose past would ever follow like a shadow the -footsteps of her life--whose future must ever be a darker shadow still. -Ah, Allen, take care. Cupid ties a bandage over men’s eyes. Hymen, when -it is too late, plucks it off. Hadn’t you better lift a corner off the -handkerchief, Allen, while we are yet upon the step without, lest beside -your hearth, when the door has shut us in, you cast it loose, to find -I am a stain upon your name--a shadow in your home--a blight upon your -life? (_Laughing._) Allen, take care--take care. (_Crosses to l. Allen -moves up a trifle._) - -Allen. (_Recovering from the bewilderment with which he has heard her._) -Ah, it’s well for thee that it is thee, and not anyone else that talks -like this about ’ee. - -Clara. Ah, but Allen, try and find out a little more about me; it’s just -a whim of mine--I want to feel sure that you know me--just to please me. - -Allen. If I couldn’t trust thee--(_takes her hand_)--lass, I shouldn’t -love thee. - -Clara. (_Crosses to R.c. Allen follows._) Ah, you are a dear good -fellow, Allen, and I won’t tease you any more. And you will join the -company, won’t you? And then you shall get me that dear little diamond -bracelet that we looked at--do you remember it?--and you shall put it -on yourself. (_Allen by her side r. All this is said with every trick of -fascination at her command, and now she playfully holds up her arm, from -which the loose sleeve falls back, close to his face._) On that. (_He -drops on his knees and kisses her arm_). - -(_Enter Deb. c._) - -Clara. (_Snatches her arm away._) Deborah! (_Allen rises._) - -Allen. (_Turning and seeing her, goes to fireplace R._) Hullo, thee’s -back soon. - -Deb. Yes, aunt met Mrs. Clouter just outside, so I pleaded a headache -and left them. (_Throwing off bonnet and shawl on chair and coming -down._) Don’t you think Col. Dexter would like a game of billiards, -Allen? - -Allen. No, he’s all right--he’s smoking. (_Crosses l._) - -Deb. Oh, I’m sure he’d like a game (_Clara motions Allen away_), and I -want to have a chat with Miss Dexter. We shan’t see each other after -this morning for goodness knows how long. - -Allen. (_Moving away l._) Ah, I understand now. (_Goes up stage l._) -I’ll go, and you can tell each other about your new frocks. - -(_Exit Allen l., Clara goes c., Deb. l.c. and Clara look at each -other._) - -Deb. (_After a pause._) I came back to see you, Miss Dexter, before you -left. - -Clara. (_Coldly._) It was very good of you. - -Deb. I want to know whether you are playing the fool with Allen, or -whether you mean to marry him. - -Clara. I have heard of that sort of question being put to a gentleman -under certain circumstances. (_Crosses to L._) - -Deb. It is put to the person who is supposed to be acting -dishonorably--I put it to you. - -Clara. I am afraid I have been mixing things up. I was under the -impression that it was the stout lady, your aunt, that was Mr. Rollitt’s -mother. - -Deb. You are very smart, Miss Dexter, and I am not, but this is no -game--it is earnest. - -Clara. Then I would suggest to you that your cousin is quite capable of -taking care of himself. - -Deb. Yes, against a man; but not against the woman he loves and trusts. -It is his love that enables you to deceive him. - -Clara. (_Crossing to R.--sits on chair near table r._) You seem to have -made up your mind, my dear child, that I am deceiving him. - -Deb. (_l.c._) I know that he has asked you to become his wife, and I -know that although you have let him think it is all right, you have -never given him a real answer. I know that you accept his attentions, -his invitations, his presents. (_Noticing the book and notes on the -table, points to them._) And all the while you are having whispered -interviews and secret meetings with another man. - -Clara. (_Coolly counting notes._) If you are thinking of the -conversation you were trying to listen to just now-- - -Deb. That is only the latest of many such I have noticed. They began -three months ago, down in Devonshire. I come to London and find the same -thing going on. - -Clara. (_Sneering._)’ You really ought to have been a detective, the -force might have been some use then. - -Deb. I’m not blind. (_Goes c._) Allen is. But that is not all. These -things might be explained by themselves--suspicious though they are--but -just now, going downstairs, I picked up a purse. (_Pausing and looking -at Clara, who, however, makes no sign._) It is your purse. (_Throws it -into Clara’s lap._) I opened it to see whom it belonged to--and inside -it is a wedding ring. Is your name Dexter or Cranbourne? - -Clara. (_Rising._) I really must decline to answer any questions of -yours. You are so exceedingly rude. (_Crosses up behind table R.c._) - -Deb. You need not answer me. Answer Allen. Tell him that you will be -his wife--or that you cannot. (_Clara takes no notice._) Do you refuse? -(_Crossing l._) - -Clara. I refuse to be dictated to. - -Deb. Then I shall communicate my suspicions to Allen. - -Clara. (_Turning fiercely._) Do so. Tell him--(_walks round table to -back of Deb. c._)--that you believe that I am the wife of another man, -and am playing a shameful part with him merely to sponge on him. That -I am fondling him with the one hand only the better to pick his pocket -with the other. Tell him that you believe he is surrounded by a gang of -adventurers and thieves, of which I am the willing decoy. Tell him your -suspicions, and I will tell him that they are the poisonous concoctions -of a jealous woman--of a woman who loves him herself--(_laughs_)--and -seeks to win him from her more favored rival, by lies and trickery. -(_Goes dozen r._) - -Deb. (_Quietly._) You shall answer him for all that, or he shall know -the reason why you dare not. (_Crosses L., and calls._) Allen! Allen! - -(_Enter Allen l. up stage_). - -Deb. (_l. c._) Allen, is Miss Dexter engaged to be married to you or -not? - -Allen, (_l._) Well. (_Laughs._) Blest if I could tell ‘ee that, Deb. -That be the very thing I ha’ been trying to find out myself. Bain’t it, -Clara? Only her be such a tease. (_All said laughingly._) - -Deb. (_Sharply._) You mean you have never been able to get a plain -answer, yes or no? - -Allen. Gently, lass. Thee be mistaking this for some business of thine. - -Deb. Allen, we’ve been like brother and sister all our lives, and your -happiness is my happiness. I have my reasons--very strong reasons--for -asking you to ask Miss Dexter now, before me, whether she will be your -wife. - -Allen. I can’t say I thank thee, Deb, for interfering in a matter that -don’t concern thee. (_To Clara, crossing to her._) I hope, Clara, you -don’t think as I have any hand in this, but as things stand now, it will -perhaps be best (_advancing_) if I do ask thee. Will thee be my wife? - -Clara. (_Crosses down. Very quietly and deliberately._) Yes! (_Stepping -forward and, putting her hand in Allen’s, c. A pause. She then, glancing -first at Deb., draws Allen slowly to her, and they kiss. They cross r._) - -Allen. I think now, Deb, that Miss Dexter has a right to know thy -“reasons.” - -Deb. They were mistaken ones, Allen. Please forgive me, both of you. - -(_Exit Deb. l._) - -Allen. (_Bewildered--looks after Deb._) What does it all mean? - -Clara. I will tell you some time. Never mind now. - -Allen. Ah, well, us oughtn’t to be angry with her, anyhow, for what -her’s done. (_Takes Clara’s hand in his._) Ought us? (_Draws her to him -and kisses her forehead_). - -Clara. (_Disengaging herself gently._) I am going to tell papa. I am so -happy. (_Crosses l., looking back to him laughingly._) - -(_Exit Clara l. up stage_). - -Allen, (_c. after a pause._) Everything I want in the whole wide world, -and three months ago--(_Breaks off and pauses his hand over his eyes._) -I wonder if I shall wake up in a minute in the old farm and find that -the £200,000 and Clara have only been dreams. (_Rousing himself._) Ah, -no, it be real enough. (_Looks round._) Ah, they call Fortune a fickle -jade, but her’s been a firm friend to me. I’ll drink thee a bumper, -Fortune lass. (_Turns to table r., On which are wine and glasses, and -pours out a glassful._) I don’t know how much a bumper is, but I expects -it’s about a glassful, and thee shall ha’ it. (_Takes glass in his right -hand, and raises it._) Here’s thy jolly good health, my lass. To Lady -Fortune! - -(_Enter Peters c. upper door, with card on salver._) - -Allen. (_Lowers glass untouched._) What’s the matter? - -Peters. (_Coming forward and presenting salver._) A gentleman to see -you, sir. - -Allen. (_Takes card, but does not look at it._) He’ll have to be quick -about it then. Send un up. (_Footman seems to hesitate. Sharply._) Send -un up. Send un up. - -(_Exit Peters c._) - -Another of my swell friends, I suppose; they seem to be swarming -this--(_r. c. glances at card, his hand holding the glass sinks lower -and lower, he gazes round bewilderingly._) - -(_Enter Richard Hanningford c._) - -(_Reads card in amazed tone._) Richard Hanningford, I saw him lying dead -before my own eyes three months ago! Hann. (_At door, raising hat._) I -beg your pardon! (_The glass in Allen’s hand overturns_). - - -MEDIUM CURTAIN. - - - - -ACT III. - -Scene I. The library at Allen’s Chambers. Fire l. Doors r.and c. Table -L.c. Big easy chair l. by fire. Peters discovered l. c. arranging and -cutting papers on table and whistling. - -(_Enter Piffin r. Music to open._) - -Piff. Have you seen my cub about? - -Peters. (_Without looking up._) No, Foxey, I ain’t. Didn’t know as you -had had one. - -Piff. (_c._) You know who I mean--your master. Peters. (_Going to door -c._) Not far off from where yours is I suppose. - -(_Exit Peters c._) - -Piff. Um! The master has been getting impertinent to me of late, so the -servants seem to be following suit. (_Shrugging his shoulders._) I shall -throw this job up when I’ve made another hundred or two. I wonder how -much longer he’s going to keep me waiting. - -(_Exit Piff. c._) - -(_Enter Allen r. creeping in cautiously in a mysterious and watchful -manner. He has a huge pewter pot in one hand and a large church-warden -clay pipe alight in the other. He looks round stealthily, listens, then -crosses nervously and sits l. in easy chair. He stretches himself out -as luxuriously as his tight clothes will allow--especially the collar. -Takes a long pull at the pot and long puffs at the pipe. In the middle -of each pull, grunts “good” in evident enjoyment._) - -Allen. (_Chuckling in a deep undertone. Crosses to c. and sits._) -Ah-h-h, I’ve done un this time. He’s waiting upstairs to curl my hair. -(_Chuckling again._) Told un I’d come up when (_grandly_) I’d finished -conducting my correspondence. (_Chuckles, pulls at pipe, and takes a -deep draught._) First time I’ve ever enjoyed myself since I came into my -property. (_Breaks out into some country ale-house sort of song, sings, -warming as he goes on with great gusto._) - -(_Enter Piffin c., unseen by Allen. Piff. comes down and stands c. -looking on. Allen finishes song and then buries his face in the pot. -As his eyes emerge over the brim he catches sight of Piff. He remains -looking at him for a while and then slowly puts the pot on the table._) - -Allen. What do thee want? Didn’t I tell ’ee I wur going to conduct my -correspondence, and that I didn’t want to be disturbed? - -Piff. (_Goes up table._) I beg pardon, sir, but I thought maybe you had -completed your correspondence, especially as there was only one letter -this morning, and that was a circular about coals. - -Allen. Oh, did you. Well, I ain’t you see. I’m going to write a lot of -original correspondence this morning, and I’m collecting my thoughts. -(_Goes on smoking sulkily._) - -Piff. Yes, sir--certainly, sir--but might I be allowed to suggest, sir, -that a pot of ale and a clay pipe are hardly the _dolce far niente_ of a -_grand seigneur_. - -Allen. Hardly the what of my which? Look here, don’t you be so spry at -calling me them jaw-breaking foreign names, because I don’t like it. -It wur only yesterday you alluded to me as a _bo-mo_, and last week -you said I ought to be in the _hot tongs_. I didn’t say anything at the -time, but you drop it. - -Piff. I referred to you as belonging to the _beau monde_, sir, and I -may have said your position was now among the _haut ton_. We always talk -like that in good society, sir. Both expressions were flattering, very -flattering. - -Allen. Ah, maybe they wur and maybe they wurn’t. Next time, you call -it me in English, and then I can judge for myself. And don’t worrit me -to-day at all. I’ve got a trying morning before me, and I’m going to -have a little quiet enjoyment to set myself up before it begins. - -Piff. Might I suggest, then, sir, that a cigarette and a little absinthe -would be more _de rigueur?_ My late lamented master the Count de -Fizziani invariably took a little absinthe after breakfast and found -great benefit from it. - -Allen. Yes, I know. I tried your friend’s cough mixture before, you -know. Old ale’s good enough for me. - -Piff. But, sir-- - -Allen. Don’t you worrit. I’ve been a gentleman for a month; I think I -might have a morning off. - -Piff. Very well, sir. Just as you please, of course, sir; but I’ve my -character to consider, sir--and--and--I am not accustomed to the service -of gentlemen with pothouse proclivities. - -Allen. (_Sotto voce._) Oh, go and hang yourself. - -Piff. (_Up c._) That’s never done now, sir, in good society. My late -lamented master, the Count de Fizziani-- - -Allen. (_Springing up, working Piff. round, from table l. to desk r._) -Oh, you go to your late lamented master, the fizzing Count, and tell him -to--I have had eno’ of him and I’ve had eno’ of you. Blest if I’ve had a -happy moment since you came into the house. You’ve dressed me up like a -tailor’s dummy, and curled my hair like a Sunday school kid; you’ve made -me talk like a man in a play, and walk like a monkey on stilts. Thee’ve -chivied me about from morning till night, and thee’ve rammed that old -lamented corpse of yours down my throat every two minutes of the day. -I’ve put up wi’ it all for a long while because I thought thee meant -well, and wur a-trying to make me into a gentleman, but blest if I think -thee knows much more about the genuine article than I does, and I’m -going to go it in my own way now. Look here. (_Takes off his tie and -collar and throws them down and jumps on them, pulls off his coat and -throws it in a corner, nifties his hair, unbuttons and throws back his -waistcoat, kicks off his boots, and throws himself into easy chair, -sticks his feet on table, takes long pull from the pot, slams it on -table> again, and commences to smoke his pipe vigorously, looking -defiantly at Piff._) That’s the sort o’ man I’m going to be now. (_Sits -l._) - -Piff. (_Who has stood aghast, moving off._) Very well, sir; then I have -only to say that I wash my hands of you entirely. (_Pause._) You can’t -make a gentleman out of a pig’s ear. (_Sneeringly_). - -Allen. (_Puffing quietly at pipe._) No, it ain’t the usual method. - -Piff. (_By door c. muttering to himself, but meant to be heard by -Allen._) Only what I might have expected from mixing myself up with such -canaille. (_Pauses. Allen takes no notice._) Pray understand, sir, I -give you a week’s warning on the spot. My late master, the-- - -Allen. (_Springing up and throwing book at him. Piff. exits r._) Yes. -(_Piff. again appears hurriedly at door r. and cries, “Upstart bumpkin,” - and exit quickly._) I’ll give ’ee my toe on the spot if I hear any -more of--(_reseats himself, with a grunt of disgust; a pause, during -which he smokes._) He is right, I wurn’t meant for a gentleman after -all. Some of us was built for gaiters, and some on us for patent leather -shoes, and I be one of the gaiter sort--all my tastes are low. I doan’t -like claret and I doan’t like cigarettes. I’m uncomfortable in a -collar (_picking his up and fixing it_) and I prefer shove-ha’penny to -billiards. (_Sighs, continues dreamily._) Ah, I’d gie a trifle to be -going to spend this evening at the Dunkery Arms a-halping to sing a -chorus with old Joe Steddles and young Jem Whalley and Jack Clouter. Ah, -he’d got a fine voice, had old Jack Clouter. Never heard a man sing so -loud in all my life. Lord, I shall never forget her’s doing “Rock me -to sleep, mother,” round at the lodge, and a waking up mother Hammond’s -three kids just as her’d got un all off to sleep. Lord, how her let us -have it. (_Laughing._) Ah, us went home early that night. (_Chuckling._) -They coned back wi’ me, old Jack and Jim, and Deb made us a veal pasty -for supper. (_Smiling._) Ah, her do make good-- - -(_Enter Peters, followed by Purtwee, door c., says, “Mr. Purtwee,” takes -P.’s hat and exit. Allen rises and commences to pick up his various -articles of apparel and re fix them while talking to Purt._) - -Purt. (_Coming forward._) Well, my boy. - -Allen. Ah, it does me good to see thee again. - -Purt. How are you? - -Allen. (_Shakes hands._) Oh, I be all right outside. (_Rises, crosses -to L._) Bean’t very spry inside, so I tell ’ee. (_Explanatory of his -dressing arrangements._) Just been having a quiet smoke, you know. - -Purt. (_With a smile._) And do you always undress to smoke? - -Allen. (_Laughing._) No--but I has to now when I want to sit down -comfortable. (_Continues to dress--brings wine down to table._) Have a -glass of wine. I’m glad thee’ve come, I wur afraid from thy letter that -thee wouldn’t. - -Purt. (_Sits in arm-chair l._) Well, it’s a very informal proceeding I’m -bound to say--not at all professional. - -Allen. Perhaps not, but it’s simple and straightforward like and maybe -that’s as good. Have ’ee read the papers I sent thee? - -Purt. Yes--most carefully--and they certainly make the story appear -very plausible--very plausible, indeed. Have you said anything to your -mother? - -Allen. No--no, I thought I wouldn’t say a word to anybody until I was -sure one way or t’other. (_Sits L._) - -Purt. Quite right--quite right. What sort of a man was he? - -Allen. Blest if I could tell ’ee--I wur that taken aback I couldn’t -tell ’ee what it wur, but thee’ll see him for theeself in a minute. I -told Father Christmas to send him straight up when he comes. - -Purt. (_Looking at his watch._) Well, if he’s an impostor, he’ll hardly -venture to come to a meeting of this kind. - -(_Enter Peters announcing Richard Hanningford, door at back._) - -Pet. Mr. Richard Hanningford. - -(_Exit Peters._) - -Hann. Morning, gentlemen. (_Allen goes r.c. Hann. goes c._) - -Allen. Good-morning. (_Motioning to Purt., who is l._) Mr. Purtwee, the -gentleman I spoke of. - -Hann. Good-morning, (_c. and then coming r.sits L.c._) Guess I’m not a -particularly welcome visitor here. - -Allen, (_r._) Well, I owns as I’ve come across folks as I’ve felt more -at home wi’. (_Allen sits R._) But I suppose we’ve got to get used to -’ee. - -Purt. Well now, gentlemen, we’ve come for business and must not -waste time. Mr. Rollitt has told you who I am, and if you are Richard -Hanningford I shall be only too anxious for you to have your rights. -But then, my dear sir, I shall want to be very sure that you are Richard -Hanningford. - -Hann. That’s right and square. I’ve got to prove it, I know, and I don’t -say that it will be an easy job. - -Purt. At present you see we have nothing but your bare word for it. You -say this man who called himself Richard Hanningford and who died at Mrs. -Rollitt’s was an impostor. - -Hann. And a damned scoundrel. - -Purt. Quite so, if he were not Richard Hanningford, he must have been. -But then if he were Richard Hanningford-- - -Hann. Why then, I am the damned scoundrel. - -Purt. Well--I wasn’t going to say that--but one of you must be the right -Hanningford--and the other the wrong one--and if we made a mistake three -months ago we don’t want to make another now. - -Allen, (_r._) You see it ain’t so much the money I care about. There was -a time that I thought it would be a grand thing to be rich, but now -I’ve tried it, danged if I see so much fun in it as I thought there -wur. (_Rises._) It ain’t only that: it’s the girl I love--if I lose the -money, I loses her. I can’t expect her to have me wi’out it. She’s a -lady--I’m only a country bumpkin and I know it. With this money I can -win her and make her life happy--even if she doesn’t much care for me. -If I were sure you were Dick Hanningford, I’d gie it up. But I ain’t -sure and I’m going to fight--that’s plain. (_Turns and crosses r. Sits -R.c._) - -Hann. (_Coes to Allen r.c._) Plain and sensible, and I don’t like you -any the less for it; but I am Dick Hanningford, and the money’s mine, -and I’m going to have a good fight to get it. (_Coes l. puts foot on -chair._) - -Purt. (_After a pause._) You say this man who tried to--and, as he -thought, did--murder you--had been a friend of yours. - -Hann. (_Fiercely--takes foot off chair._) He’d been my chum for over two -years--the cur--and knew everything about me--I saved his life when the -gang were going to hang him--he shared my diggings when we were in the -mining lay, and he had half my blanket every night when we were with the -cattle. And I trusted him--the skunk. - -Purt. What was his name? - -Hann. Cassidy--Dan Cassidy. (_Sits again._) - -Purt. And then he murdered you--or tried to as you say--took your papers -from you, and came over here to impersonate you? - -Hann. I suppose so. - -Allen. He was uncommonly like you, too. - -Hann. Like me! Not at all! - -Purt. Oh, yes, my dear sir, I never saw him alive, but his features were -yours one for one. - -Hann. Dan Cassidy was no more like me than I’m like a colored angel out -of a picture book. - -(_Purt. and Allen exchange glances._) - -Allen. Well, all I know is, that if the man who called himself Richard -Hanningford, and who fell down dead in my mother’s kitchen three months -ago was standing beside you now, nobody would know which wur you and -which wur him. . - -Hann. (_Rising._) I don’t know that man! (_All rise and look at one -another._) - -(_Enter Peters c._) - -Purt. (_Pause._) Then what has become of Dan Cassidy? . . - -Peters. Mr. Luke Cranbourne is downstairs, sir, and would like to see -you. - -Allen. Oh, bother Luke Cranbourne--tell him I’m out. - -Peters. Yes, sir. (_Going. As he is by door._) - -Allen. Stop! (_Peters turns._) Ask Mr. Cranbourne to come back in a -quarter of an hour. (_Looks at watch._) - -Peters. Yes, sir. (_Exit c._) - -Allen. What sort of a man was Dan Cassidy? - -Hann. A pale, dark-eyed man with a long black beard. - -Allen. Would you know him again without the black beard, and under -another name? - -Hann. (_Fiercely._) Know him! Will you bring me face to face with him? - -Allen. Maybe I will. - -Hann. (_c._) See here! I’ve lived among a set that like to wipe off a -score, no matter what the price. You put that man into my hands so that -justice may be done on him, and we share the old man’s money between us. -(_Crosses R._) - -Allen. Is that a bargain? - -Purt. You don’t suspect--(_goes to r.of l. table._) - -Allen. (_Crosses to Purt. Hann. goes R._) Yes I do. He’s been no friend -of mine. Is it a bargain? - -Hann. Yes. Without Dan Cassidy my case might be hard to prove. With him -it would be easy. £100,000 and my revenge are good enough for me. You -give me that. (_Goes to extreme R._) - -(_Enter Dexter from door c. He draws back on seeing strangers, and -stands r.c._) - -Dex. Beg pardon, my dear boy. Found the door open (_Allen goes up c. -to Dex._) and took the liberty of an old friend to walk in. Thought I -should find you alone. - -Allen. (_Crosses up c._) Shall be in a minute, Colonel, if you will -excuse me. (_Draws the two men together near fireplace, Allen nearest, -Purt. next, Hann. r._) Can thee play billiards? - -Hann. I can, but I don’t crave for them at this particular moment. - -Allen. You’ll just have time to play fifty up afore the man as I takes -to be Dan Cassidy is here. - -Purt. How will you let us know? - -Allen. (_Looks round thinking, then catches sight of glasses on table l.; -takes one up and holds it over hearth._) Keep thee, ears open, and -when thee hears this glass fall and break, open the door and come in. -(_All go up c. speaking low._) - -(_Exit Purt. and Hann. Dex. goes L._) - -Allen. (_Returning c._) Well, Colonel Dexter, what do thee want? Glad to -see thee, thee know. - -Dex. (_l.c._) Nothing, dear boy--nothing for myself. I have only brought -a letter from my little girl, and am to take back an answer. (_Produces -letter and hands to Allen._) I’m only Cupid to you young folks. Ha! Hat -Only Cupid. - -Allen. Ah, they usen’t to wrap ’em up so much when I wur young. -(_Crosses R., opens and reads letter._) - -Dex. (_Who is very much wrapped and buttoned up, laughs with much -ostentation._) Ha! Ha! Very good, very good. We really must bring you -out more, Allen. Ha! Ha! Ha! - -Allen. (_Who has sat r.in front of desk, reading._) “My darling -Popsy-wopsy.” (_Looks up puzzled and round at Dex. Aside._) That ain’t -Clara’s usual style. (_Reads._) “I am so terribly sorry to worry my own -darling boy, but I am in such fearful trouble--I want £100 to pay some -debts owing to a wicked man having cheated us. Would my own darling lend -it to his broken-hearted little blossom, and don’t say anything to me -afterwards until I pay you back, as I shall be so ashamed of it. I send -papa with this. He knows nothing about it, so please don’t tell him--he -is so proud.--(_Allen looks at Dex., who turns away and tries to assume -airy unconsciousness_)--and would be so angry with me, but you are the -only friend I have. Oh, my darling, do let me have the money or I shall -go mad. A million, million kisses to my own sweet, precious lubby-dubby -from his ever loving little birdie, Clara.” (_Dex. sits c._) “P. -S.--Please don’t cross the cheque.” - -(_Takes cheque-book from desk and begins to write._) Was Clara ill when -she wrote this? - -Dex. (_Who is sitting at table L.c. having wine._) No, my dear boy--oh, -no. - -Allen. Oh, because the writing seems a bit shaky like, and the letter so -funny--thought maybe she wur a bit queer. - -Dex. (_Confused._) Oh--ah--yes. She was a little queer--very shaky -indeed--and she seemed very much worried, too, she wouldn’t tell me what -about. She tries to keep all her trouble away from her old father, dear -child. (_Enter Clara unseen by either._) Ah, I know how anxiously she’s -waiting for me now. “Come back soon, dear, dear papa,” she said--“and -bring it with you.” (_Crying r.c._) - -(_Allen having put the cheque in an envelope rises and crosses and holds -it to Dex. Clara steps forward and takes it._) - -Clara. Thank you! (_c. of the two men._) - -Allen. Miss Dexter! - -Dex. Clara! - -Clara. This letter is addressed to me, I believe. (_Opens it and takes -out cheque, which she returns to Allen._) It’s very kind of you, Mr. -Rollitt, but I do not require it. - -Allen, (_r._) Didn’t thee write for it? (_Showing letter to her._) Isn’t -this thy letter? - -Clara. (_Looking at it._) It is the first time I have seen it. It has -the appearance of having been written by someone who was drunk over -night--possibly my father--imitating other people’s handwriting is one -of the few things at which he has attained eminence. (_Looks at Dex._) - -Dex. Clara, my dear! - -Clara. And perhaps it will be better, Mr. Rollitt, for me to take this -opportunity of ending our relationship by telling you that I am already -married. (_Crosses l._) - -Allen. (_Starts hack._) Married! - -Dex. (_c. frantic and jumping about and screaming and hissing the words -out._) She ain’t. It’s a lie. Don’t believe her. She ain’t. She ain’t. -(_Goes c. Clara to l._) It’s only a trick to try your love. Ah, you -hussy! It’s all been planned. This is all part of it. She ain’t married. -We planned it to test your love for her. Ah, you beast! I’ll strangle -you. I’ll murder you. She’s only trying it on to see what you say. It’s -a trick. Don’t believe her. Don’t believe her. - -Clara. And have been for the last three years. - -Dex. (_As before._) No, she ain’t been, Mr. Rollitt. It’s a lie--it’s -a lie. It’s a lie. She says it to spite her old father. Ah you devil, -you-- - -Allen. Silence! - -Dex. (_Cowed, but continuing in nervous undertone._) She’s not married. -I’m her father. - -Allen. (_Pointing to door c._) And leave the room--afore I forget thee -art an old man. (_Turns him r.Backs Dex. up to c. door._) - -Dex. (_Slinks out muttering._) She ain’t married! It’s a lie. It’s a -lie. (_Repeats_.) - -(_Exit Dex. c._) - -Allen. (_Turning to Clara._) What does it all mean? - -Clara. (_Defiantly._) That I’ve been playing with you only for the -sake of sponging on you. And to get money out of you for my father and -husband--I haven’t had much myself--and that at last I’m grown tired of -it. (_Crosses R._) - -Allen. (_l.c. after a pause._) Thee might have had all the money thee -wanted, lass, wi’out deceiving me. - -Clara. (_Falling on her knees before him._) Forgive me, Allen, you -don’t know what my life has been. Dragged up among thieves and sharpers, -taught to trick and lie before I could speak plainly, I have never -know what truth and honor meant except as a dim longing. All the -humanity--all the womanhood--has been dried out of me till I am only the -thing you see me--a vulture--a human beast of prey. Ah, Allen, thank -God for your sake that I am married and that you have escaped me--forget -me--it is the only thing you can do. You can never hate me as I loathe -myself--you can never despise me as I shudder at my own life. - -Allen. (_Puts his hand to his own forehead _) Poor lass! Poor lass! - -Clara. (_Takes’ Allen’s hand, left._) You are the only man that has been -good to me, and I have brought you only pain and shame. - -Allen. (_Raising her._) Ah, never mind that, lass. Thee didn’t mean to -do it. Come! I be more sorry for thee than for myself. I could see what -sort of life thee had got around thee, and I wanted to take thee away -from it all. I can do so little for thee now. (_Both at cabinet, Allen -r._) - -Clara. You have taught me, Allen, that there are good men in the world; -forgive me for having taught you that there are bad women. (_Clara -crosses in front of Allen to r.door._) - -Allen. Not bad, Clara. I guess thee’s been more sinned against than -sinning. Thy life has been very dark and thee’s stumbled here and there. -God grant that it may grow brighter for thee one day. - -Clara, (_l._) Ah, Allen, don’t keep speaking kindly to me. Don’t think -kindly of me. Despise me--I can bear that--I am used to it. (_Sits at -cabinet._) - -Allen. (_r.c. next to Clara._) No, lass, I can’t do that. I shall alius -think kindly of thee. I’ve loved thee too well to change now--because I -knows thy lot’s harder than I thought it wur. - -Clara. (_Turns and looks at Allen._) Try not to think of me at all, -Allen--I am not worth it--forget me. There is one who loves you better -than I could ever do, and who is good and pure. (_Rises._) You men never -see the love that is under your feet--you reach only for what is beyond -you. Go back to her, Allen. She will make you a better wife than I could -ever have done. (_Allen at back of Clara up stage R._) - -Allen. (_After a pause._) Who--who is this man--your husband? - -Clara. Luke Cranbourne! (_She does not look at Allen._) - -Allen. Luke Cranbourne! (_Looks nervously at door c. and then at -clock--then crosses to door and stands near it. He assumes to do this -naturally and not to let Clara notice his anxiety._) - -Clara. We were married secretly before he left for America. Not even my -father knew it until a day or two ago. - -Allen. And do you care for him? (_Allen at door c._) - -Clara. With such love as a woman can feel without respect. He was the -first that I can remember ever speaking a kind word to me. He is the -only human being I have to cling to--and he is good to me in his way. -(_Looks up at Allen._) I don’t expect we shall ever see each other -again. For your sake, I wish we had never met--for myself, my life will -always seem a bit brighter for the love that an honest man once had for -me. - -Allen. (_Taking her hand in his._) Good-bye--if ever thee wants a -friend, Allen Rollitt, Woodbarrow Farm, Exmoor, will find him. (_Kissing -her on the forehead._) God bless thee, Clara! - -Clara. Good-bye! (_She goes without a word r.After a few seconds enter -Luke c. announced by Pet._) - -Luke. (_Coming down._) How de do, dear boy? (_Shaking hands. Allen -does so listlessly and almost unconsciously._) I wanted to see you -particularly this morning, before I went to the city. I’ve come across -something that will just double your fortune. Here. (_Laying papers on -table l. and taking up and pouring out a glass of wine._) You do have -such capital wine, Rollitt, I really must help myself to a glass. It is -a splendid scheme. - -Allen, (_r.c._) Very like, but we won’t discuss it now. (_Taking notes -from his pocket-book._) I want thee to leave by the noon train for the -Continent. - -Luke. (_Turns round, face to audience, glass in left hand._) What’s up? - -Allen. (_Crosses l. c., hands him the notes._) Thy wife can join thee -there afterwards. (_Luke starts and looks hard at Allen._) And thee can -get away to Australia, or somewhere in that direction. - -Luke. (_Defiantly._) And why, pray? - -Allen. Because there is a man in the next room who be more anxious to -see thee than thee may be to see him. - -Luke. What man? - -Allen. Richard Hanningford. - -(_Luke lets fall the glass._) - -Allen. Good God! Thee’ve given the signal to call him in! Quick! (_Luke -rushes in terror to door at back._) Not that way. (_Luke bewildered and -helpless with fright, turns wildly about like a hunted thing not knowing -which way to fly. Is about to make for other door, when handle of door -at back is heard to move._) Too late--keep where thee art. - -Luke. (_Clinging to Allen’s arm._) Save me! (_Allen thrusts him behind -door at c. as it opens and enter Hann. and Purt. following. Allen goes -r. Hann. comes down and stands c. Purt. remains near door and is about -to close it._) - -Allen. (_Who has moved down to r.c., nervously, with effort to appear -calm and careless._) Leave the door, Mr. Purtwee, leave the door. - -Purt. Wide open? (_Surprised._) - -Allen. Yes, yes, it’s fearfully hot in here! (_Wiping his brow._) - -Hann. (_Looking at him suspiciously._) I don’t find it so. I think we’ll -have it shut over this job. (_Turns to door._) - -Allen. (_Eagerly._) No, no! Don’t shut it--don’t shut it. - -Hann. Why not? (_Looks hard at Allen._) - -Allen. Why--why--don’t I tell you. It’s so close--so-- - -(_Hann. crosses, goes to door c. and locks it, then returns, eyeing -Allen sternly. Luke has crept behind the curtain, which hangs like a -pillar by the side of the door. Allen watches with intense suspense._) - -Hann. (_c._) Well--you gave the signal! - -(_Allen r.c. a little to front of Hann. He keeps in front of Hann. -all through the scene until Luke has got away and prevents his turning -round--he is very excited but tries to appear careless--the result being -a slightly hysterical manner. When Luke comes from behind the curtain -and while he is crossing Allen catches Hann. by the lapels of his coat -and holds and works him round so that his back is to Luke. He grows -more and more eager and intense until Luke is off, when he gradually -subsides into a quieter manner, but not too suddenly. At Hann’s hint -that he has had too much brandy, he catches at the idea to cover his -excitement, to account for his conduct._) - -Allen. Yes, my dear fellow--but--but--I wur going to explain to thee--it -wurn’t the signal--it wur an accident. I dropped the glass by accident. -Thee see I had just had a glass of brandy. - -Hann. More than one glass, cousin? - -Allen. (_Laughs loudly._) Ha! ha! Perhaps it wur two. (_First movement -of Luke._) (_At this point Luke creeps from behind curtain, Purt. sees -him and is about to make an exclamation, when Allen, covering his action -by assumed drunkenness, lunges half round and catches Purt. on his -shoulder, clutching it tightly with his left hand while holding Hann. -with his right--laughing boisterously all the time. Purt. understands -and remains silent. Allen grows more and more excited. Laughs._) Well, -now, look’ee here. - -Hanningford. Cousin Dick--my long lost--(_laughs as before and slaps him -on the shoulder. Hann. impatient half turns round--Allen seises his coat -with both hands and keeps him round._) No--no--look thee here, Cousin -Dick. Now you say this Cassidy, this creeping, crawling, lying cur, Dan -Cassidy, tried to murder thee--(_Hann. again seems as though he would -turn round_)--and these papers--these papers that you sent me. Well, -I sent ’em on to Purtwee. Ah, he’s a sharp one. (_Door clicks after -Luke’s exit._) Purtwee, he’ll know who’s who. He’ll put us right. Won’t -’ee, Purtwee, old friend? Won’t ’ee--won’t ’ee? - -(_He slaps Purt. on back, laughing boisterously and half staggering -forward into Purt.’s arms. Luke has got away by door r., and from now -Allen’s excitement gradually subsides, and an air of exhaustion follows. -Sits l.c._) - -Hann. (_c._) Say! Are you drunk or playing the fool? Where’s this man -Cassidy? - -Allen. (_Pause._) I don’t know. - -Hann. Isn’t he coming here? - -Allen. No! - -Hann. (_Angrily._) Didn’t you lead me to believe-- - -Allen. That you should be brought face to face wi’ him? Yes--but I’ve -changed my mind since then. - -Hann. (_After a pause._) I understand: it was only a trick to give you -time to get him out of the way. You thought that without him I should -not be able to prove my case. I thought I was dealing with an honest man -and a friend, and I offered to share the money with you. (_With tierce -anger._) - -Allen. (_Fiercely, rising._) And I tell you to take the whole of it! -(_A pause--Hann. steps back and stares at him._) I have learnt enough -within the last few minutes to believe that you are the man you say you -are, and if so, take it all. You offered me £100,000 to give thee -Dan Cassidy, I offer thee £200,000 to let him go his way in peace. -(_Pause._) Come, you may find it hard to prove thee art Hanningford -afore the law. Prove it to me and Mr. Purtwee, and give me thy hand on -it that thee’ll never seek to find Dan Cassidy or harm him, and thee art -old Hanningford’s heir, and I, Allen Rollitt, farmer and yeoman. - -Hann. (_After a pause._) Your secrets are your own, cousin. I’d dearly -have loved to have my revenge upon the hound, but if Dan Cassidy is -worth £100,000 to you, you can have him--I shouldn’t have thought he -was. - -Allen. He goes free, so far as you are concerned, for ever? - -Hann. For ever. - -Allen. Right, Dick Hanningford! (_They grasp hands._) And now we’ll -say good-bye for to-day if you don’t mind. Mr. Purtwee will see thee -to-morrow, and arrange things. I’d like to be quiet a bit just now. - -Hann. You’ve had a rough morning, cousin, and I guess the kindest thing -I can do is to take myself off. Good-bye. (_Shakes hands._) Good-bye, -Mr. Purtwee. - -Purt. Good-bye, Mr. Hanningford; I will write to you to-morrow. - -Hann. (_Goes to door c._) No hurry. Good-bye. - -(_Exit c._) - -Purt. Well, I can’t understand you, my boy. It’s really a very Quixotic -thing to do. Why shouldn’t the man suffer for his crime? - -Allen, (_l._) Because he can’t suffer without bringing suffering to them -as I’d rather spare--because he’s the husband of the woman I have been -calling Clara Dexter. - -Purt. (_Astonished._) You don’t say that, lad! When did you learn it? - -Allen. About five minutes ago. (_Crosses to r.; leans on chair._) - -Purt. (_After a pause._) Hanningford said true; it’s been a rough -morning for you. (_Going up to Allen and laying his hand on his -shoulder._) Would you rather that I stopped with you a bit, lad, or left -you alone? - -Allen. Leave me alone, old friend. (_Purt. goes to c. door._) I shall be -off soon. - -Purt. (_At door c._) Where are you going to? - -Allen. I’m going back to Woodbarrow Farm. I’ve had eno’ of the big -world. I’ve had enough of fine folks and their ways. I’m going back to -my own people--I’m going back to see the faces of them as I know loves -me, to feel the hands of them as I know thinks well of me--I’m going -back home. - -(_Purt. exit R., Allen stands l. by fire, stage darkens, and scene -changes. Slow tableau. Music plays till change of scene and through -Scene 2._) - -Scene 2. Same as Act i. Time, evening, fire burning brightly, and lamp -lit on table, where supper is laid. Deb. discovered by fire, attending -to cooking operations; Mrs. R. by fire, laying supper. - -Mrs. R. Be it done, lass? - -Deb. (_Who is kneeling down, looking into oven._) Yes, aunt, just to a -turn. - -Mrs. R. (_Crossing and looking over Deb’s shoulder._) Ah, that be just -right. Thee’s a good cook, lass. (_Crossing back to table._) Ah, how un -used to like a veal pasty. (_Sighs._) - -Deb. It’s a bad thing going to bed, though, ain’t it, aunt? - -Mrs. R. Ah, anything be bad for them as ain’t got no stomachs, and -underdone bricks be all right for them as has. (_Gets dishes from -dresser; lays table._) Besides, we bain’t going to bed yet. Us’ll sit -and have a chat after supper. - -Deb. It seems so lonely of an evening here now. (_Looking into fire._) - -Mrs. R. (_In front of table r.c._) So it do, lass. (_Crossing L._) -Ah, the lads bean’t so big to look at, but they leaves a rare space -behind ’em when they goes away. - -Deb. (_After a pause, still gazing dreamily into fire._) I wonder if -he’ll ever come back. - -Mrs. R. Aye, aye; he’ll come back, never fear. - -Deb. (_Turns._) What, to stop? - -Mrs. R. (_l. sits on settle._) Ah, to stop. - -Deb. What makes you think so, aunt? - -Mrs. R. I dunno. It’s never seemed real to me, any on it. I’m awaiting -every day to hear un lift the latch and walk in to find as it had all -been a dream. So I alius lays for three (_l._) - -(_Enter Allen c. He is dressed much as in Act 1. He shuts the door and -stands by it._) - -Allen. Well, mother, (_c._) - -Mrs. R. (_l. staring at him._) Allen, lad! (_Bewildered, not grasping -it. Deb. having risen, stands with the hot pie that she has that moment -taken from the oven, transfixed R._) - -Allen. (_At door c._) I’ve come home, you see, to stop--for good. Are -thee glad to see me, mother? - -Mrs. R. (_l._) Come home! To stop! For good! Ah! (_Rushes across with a -cry of joy and hugs him up c._) I said he would--I said he would--I said -he would. My boy! My boy! (_After a pause._) And--and all the money, -and--and Miss Dexter? - -Allen. (_Taking off his hat and throwing it down at hack._) Shadows, -mother, that have passed away, out of my life, for ever. I’ll tell -thee all about it later on, never mind to-night. Let’s think only about -ourselves. (_Going to Deb. r._) Are thee glad to see me? - -(_Mrs. R. pushes them together from behind r. Deb. still with pie in her -hands, puts her face up. Allen bends and kisses it. Mrs. R. catches the -two in her arms, and embraces both at once, laughing. Deb. holds pie out -at arm’s length to save it._) - -Allen. Mind the pie, mother. - -Mrs. R. (_Still embracing them._) Are thee hungry, lad? - -Allen. Rather. - -Mrs. R. Bless un, and thee’ve come back just in time for supper, as thee -alius used to. (_Laughs, sits up stage, top of table._) Can thee eat -veal pasty? - -Allen. Can I eat veal--(_taking off overcoat and throwing it on chair r. -c._) Let me get at un, that’s all. - -Mrs. R. Poor boy! Come and sit ’ee down. (_Pushing him in chair l. of -table._) Where be the potatoes, Deb.? - -Deb. (_Bewildered, turns round and round._) I don’t know. (_Laughs._) - -Mrs. R. Well, have a look in the saucepan, then. (_Sits back of table -r. c. Allen l. Deb. r._) Thee won’t find ‘em by turning round and -round. Now come lad, and get a bit inside thee. Us’ll do the talking -afterwards. - -(_Deb. potters about between fire and table in a bewildered manner. She -brings potatoes, and puts them in front of Allen._) - -Allen. Ah, it do smell lovely, don’t it? (_Sniffing at pie._) - -Mrs. R. Never thee mind smelling it, thee taste it. Lud, how thin thee -art looking, lad. (_To Deb. who is almost doing so._) Don’t pour the -beer into the pie, child, and look where thee’s put the potatoes! -(_Takes jug away from her._) - -Deb. (_Sitting down, laughing._) I don’t know what I’m doing. (_Takes -saucepan off table._) - -Mrs. R. Well, us can see that. - -Allen. And how’s everything been going on? How’s the colt? - -Mrs. R. Kicked Parsons clean into the ditch yestermorning, the little -dear! (_All are now seated._) - -Allen. No, did un? (_Laughs._) - -Deb. One of the guinea hens is dead, the little one of all. - -Allen. What, the one as used to squint? - -Deb. Yes, Parsons left his shot on the pigstye wall, and she ate two -ounces. Oh, and you remember Jim? - -Allen. What, the bantam? - -Deb. Yes. He’s given his own father such a licking, and won’t let him -come near the yard. - -Allen. (_Laughing heartily._) Plucky little beggar! Serve the old ‘un -right. He wur always a bully. Now, mother--(_about to hand her the -pie._) Why, mother, thee art crying! - -Mrs. R. (_Crying._) No, I ain’t. Go on with thee supper, lad. - -Allen. (_Looking at Deb._) And--why, here be Deb. crying too! - -(_The two women laugh through their tears. Allen joins them as curtain -descends._) - -Mrs. R. It’s wi’ joy, lad; it’s wi’ joy! - - -SLOW CURTAIN. - - - - - - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Woodbarrow Farm, by Jerome K. Jerome - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WOODBARROW FARM *** - -***** This file should be named 54698-0.txt or 54698-0.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/4/6/9/54698/ - -Produced by David Widger from page images generously -provided by the Internet Archive - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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