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diff --git a/5416-0.txt b/5416-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9af6744 --- /dev/null +++ b/5416-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,10592 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Memoirs of Count Grammont, Complete, by +Anthony Hamilton + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Memoirs of Count Grammont, Complete + +Author: Anthony Hamilton + +Editor: Sir Walter Scott + +Release Date: April, 2004 [EBook #5416] +Posting Date: August 23, 2016 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COUNT GRAMMONT *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +MEMOIRS OF COUNT GRAMMONT + +By Anthony Hamilton + +Edited, With Notes, By Sir Walter Scott + + + +CONTENTS: + + BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH OF ANTHONY HAMILTON + + CHAPTER FIRST. + INTRODUCTION + + CHAPTER SECOND. + ARRIVAL OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT AT THE SIEGE OF TRINO, + AND THE LIFE HE LED THERE + + CHAPTER THIRD. + EDUCATION AND ADVENTURES OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT BEFORE + HIS COMING TO THE SIEGE OF TRINO + + CHAPTER FOURTH. + HIS ARRIVAL AT THE COURT OF TURIN, AND HOW HE SPENT HIS TIME THERE + + CHAPTER FIFTH. + HE RETURNS TO THE COURT OF FRANCE--HIS ADVENTURES AT THE SIEGE OF + ARRAS--HIS REPLY TO CARDINAL MAZARIN--HE IS BANISHED THE COURT + + CHAPTER SIXTH. + HIS ARRIVAL AT THE ENGLISH COURT--THE VARIOUS PERSONAGES OF + THIS COURT + + CHAPTER SEVENTH. + HE FALLS IN LOVE WITH MISS HAMILTON--VARIOUS ADVENTURES AT THE BALL + IN THE QUEEN’S DRAWING-ROOM--CURIOUS VOYAGE OF HIS VALET-DE-CHAMBRE + TO AND FROM PARIS + + CHAPTER EIGHTH. + FUNNY ADVENTURE OF THE CHAPLAIN POUSSATIN--THE STORY OF THE SIEGE OF + LERIDA--MARRIAGE OF THE DUKE OF YORK, AND OTHER DETAILS ABOUT THE + ENGLISH COURT + + CHAPTER NINTH. + VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT + + CHAPTER TENTH. + OTHER LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT + + CHAPTER ELEVENTH. + RETURN OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT TO FRANCE--HE IS SENT BACK TO + ENGLAND--VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THIS COURT, AND MARRIAGE OF MOST + OF THE HEROES OF THESE MEMOIRS + + + + +BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH OF ANTHONY HAMILTON. + + +Anthony Hamilton, the celebrated author of the Grammont Memoirs, much +cannot now be with certainty known. + + [For uniformity’s sake the writer of this sketch has followed the + Memoirs in the spelling of this name; but he thinks it necessary to + observe that it should be Gramont, not Grammont.] + +The accounts prefixed to the different editions of his works, down to +the year 1805, are very imperfect; in that year a new, and, in general, +far better edition than any of the preceding ones, was published in +Paris, to which a sketch of his life was also added; but it contains +rather just criticisms on his works, than any very novel or satisfactory +anecdote concerning himself. It is not pretended here to gratify +literary curiosity as fully as it ought to be, with regard to this +singular and very ingenious man; some effort, however, may be made to +communicate a few more particulars relative to him, than the public has +hitherto, perhaps, been acquainted with. + +Anthony Hamilton was of the noble family of that name: Sir George +Hamilton, his father, was a younger son of James, Earl of Abercorn, a +native of Scotland. His mother was daughter of Lord Thurles, and +sister to James, the first Duke of Ormond; his family and connections +therefore, on the maternal side, were entirely Irish. He was, as well as +his brothers and sisters, born in Ireland, it is generally said, about +the year 1646; but there is some reason to imagine that it was three or +four years earlier. The place of his birth, according to the best family +accounts, was Roscrea, in the county of Tipperary, the usual residence +of his father when not engaged by military or public business. + + [In September, 1646, Owen O’Neale took Roscrea, and, as Carte says, + “put man, woman, and child to the sword, except Sir George + Hamilton’s lady, sister to the Marquis of Ormond, and some few + gentlewomen whom he kept prisoners.” No family suffered more in + those disastrous times than the house of Ormond. Lady Hamilton died + in August, 1680, as appears from an interesting and affecting letter + of her brother, the Duke of Ormond, dated Carrick, August 25th. He + had lost his noble son, Lord Ossory, not three weeks before.] + +It has been always said, that the family migrated to France when Anthony +was an infant; but this is not the fact: “Sir George Hamilton,” says +Carte, “would have accompanied his brother-in-law, the Marquis of +Ormond, to France, in December, 1650: but, as he was receiver-general +in Ireland, he stayed to pass his accounts, which he did to the +satisfaction of all parties, notwithstanding much clamour had been +raised against him.” When that business was settled, he, in the spring +of 1651, took Lady Hamilton and all his family to France, and resided +with Lord and Lady Ormond, near Caen, in Normandy, in great poverty +and distress, till the Marchioness of Ormond, a lady whose mind was as +exalted as her birth, went over to England, and, after much solicitation +obtained two thousand pounds a year from her own and, her husband’s +different estates in Ireland. + + [Hence possibly Voltaire’s mistake in stating that Hamilton was born + at Caen, in his Catalogue des Ecrivains du Siecle de Louis XIV.] + +This favour was granted her by Cromwell, who always professed the +greatest respect for her. The Marchioness resided in Ireland, with the +younger part of her family, from 1655 till after the Restoration; while +the Marquis of Ormond continued for a considerable part of that +period with his two sisters, Lady Clancarty and Lady Hamilton, at the +Feuillatines, in the Faubourg St. Jacques, in Paris. + +It appears from a letter of the Marquis to Sir Robert Southwell, that, +although he himself was educated in the Protestant religion, not only +his father and mother, but all his brothers and sisters, were bred, and +always continued, Roman Catholics. Sir George Hamilton also, according +to Carte, was a Roman Catholic; Anthony, therefore, was bred in the +religion of his family, and conscientiously adhered to it through life. + + [That historian states that the king (Charles I.) deprived several + papists of their military commissions, and, among others, Sir George + Hamilton, who, notwithstanding, served him with loyalty and + unvarying fidelity.] + +He entered early into the army of Louis XIV., as did his brothers +George, Richard, and John, the former of whom introduced the company of +English gens d’armes into France, in 1667, according to Le Pere Daniel, +author of the History of the French Army, who adds the following short +account of its establishment: Charles II., being restored to his throne, +brought over to England several catholic officers and soldiers, who +had served abroad with him and his brother, the Duke of York, and +incorporated them with his guards; but the parliament having obliged him +to dismiss all officers who were Catholics, the king permitted George +Hamilton to take such as were willing to accompany him to France, where +Louis XIV. formed them into a company of gens d’armes, and being +highly pleased with them, became himself their captain, and made George +Hamilton their captain-lieutenant:--[They were composed of English, +Scotch, and Irish.] Whether Anthony belonged to this corps I know not; +but this is certain, that he distinguished himself particularly in +his profession, and was advanced to considerable posts in the French +service. + +Anthony Hamilton’s residence was now almost constantly in France. Some +years previous to this he had been much in England, and, towards +the close of Charles II.’s reign, in Ireland, where so many of his +connections remained. When James II. succeeded to the throne, the door +being then opened to the Roman Catholics, he entered into the Irish +army, where we find him, in 1686, a lieutenant-colonel in Sir Thomas +Newcomen’s regiment. That he did not immediately hold a higher rank +there, may perhaps be attributed to the recent accession of the king, +his general absence from Ireland, the advanced age of his uncle, the +Duke of Ormond, and, more than all, perhaps, to his Grace’s early +disapprobation of James’s conduct in Ireland, which displayed itself +more fully afterwards, especially in the ecclesiastical promotions. + +Henry, Earl of Clarendon, son to the lord-chancellor, was at that time +lord-lieutenant of Ireland, and appears, notwithstanding his general +distrust and dislike of the Catholics, to have held Anthony Hamilton in +much estimation: he speaks of his knowledge of, and constant attention +to, the duties of his profession; his probity, and the dependance that +was to be placed on him, in preference to others of the same religious +persuasion, and, in October, 1686, wrote to the Earl of Sunderland +respecting him, as follows: “I have only this one thing more to trouble +your lordship with at present, concerning Colonel Anthony Hamilton, +to get him a commission to command as colonel, though he is but +lieutenant-colonel to Sir Thomas Newcomen, in regard of the commands he +has had abroad: and I am told it is often done in France, which makes +me hope it will not be counted an unreasonable request. I would likewise +humbly recommend to make Colonel Anthony Hamilton a privy-councillor +here.” Lord Clarendon’s recommendations were ultimately successful: +Hamilton was made a privy-councillor in Ireland, and had a pension of +L200 a year on the Irish establishment; and was appointed governor +of Limerick, in the room of Sir William King, notwithstanding he had +strongly opposed the new-modelling of the army by the furious Tyrconnel. +In the brief accounts which have been given of his life, it is said that +he had a regiment of infantry; but, though this is very probable, +there is no mention whatever of his commanding a regiment in the lists +published of King James’s army, which are supposed to be very accurate: +he is indeed set down among the general officers. Lord Clarendon, in one +of his letters to the lord-treasurer, states, “That the news of the day +was, that Colonel Russell was to be lieutenant-colonel to the Duke +of Ormond’s regiment, and that Colonel Anthony Hamilton was to have +Russell’s regiment, and that Mr. Luttrell was to be lieutenant-colonel +to Sir Thomas Newcomen, in the place of Anthony Hamilton.” It is not +known whether Anthony was present at the battle of the Boyne, or of +Aughrim: his brother John was killed at the latter; and Richard, who +was a lieutenant-general, led on the cavalry with uncommon gallantry and +spirit at the Boyne it is to be wished that his candour and integrity +had equalled his courage; but, he acted with great duplicity; and King +William’s contemptuous echoing back his word to him, when he declared +something on his honour, is well known: He is frequently mentioned +by Lord Clarendon, but by no means with the same approbation as his +brother. After the total overthrow of James’s affairs in Ireland, the +two brothers finally quitted these kingdoms, and retired to France. +Richard lived much with the Cardinal de Bouillon, who was the great +protector of the Irish in France, and kept (what must have been indeed +highly consolatory to many an emigrant of condition) a magnificent +table, which has been recorded in the most glowing and grateful terms, +by that gay companion, and celebrated lover of good cheer, Philippe de +Coulanges, who occasionally mentions the “amiable Richard Hamilton” as +one of the cardinal’s particular intimates. Anthony, who was regarded +particularly as a man of letters and elegant talents, resided almost +entirely at St. Germain: solitary walks in the forest of that place +occupied his leisure hours in the morning; and poetical pursuits, or +agreeable society, engaged the evening: but much of his time seems to +have rolled heavily along; his sister, Madame de Grammont, living +more at court, or in Paris, than always suited his inclinations or his +convenience. His great resource at St. Germain was the family of the +Duke of Berwick (son of James II.): that nobleman appears to have been +amiable in private life, and his attachment to Hamilton was steady and +sincere. The Duchess of Berwick was also his friend. It is necessary to +mention this lady particularly, as well as her sisters: they were the +daughters of Henry Bulkeley, son to the first viscount of that name: +their father had been master of the household to Charles: their mother +was Lady Sophia Stewart, sister to the beautiful Duchess of Richmond, +so conspicuous in the Grammont Memoirs. The sisters of the Duchess of +Berwick were Charlotte, married to Lord Clare, Henrietta, and Laura. +They all occupy a considerable space in Hamilton’s correspondence, and +the two last are the ladies so often addressed as the Mademoiselles B.; +they are almost the constant subjects of Hamilton’s verses; and it is +recorded that he was a particular admirer of Henrietta Bulkeley; but +their union would have been that of hunger and thirst, for both were +very poor and very illustrious: their junction would, of course, have +militated against every rule of common prudence. To the influence of +this lady, particularly, we are indebted for one or two of Hamilton’s +agreeable novels: she had taste enough to laugh at the extravagant +stories then so much in fashion, “plus arabes qu’en Arabie,” as Hamilton +says; and he, in compliance with her taste, and his own, soon put +the fashionable tales to flight, by the publication of the ‘Quatre +Facardins’, and, more especially, ‘La Fleur d’Epine’. + + [They were wretched imitations of some of the Persian and Arabian + tales, in which everything was distorted, and rendered absurd and + preposterous.] + +Some of the introductory verses to these productions are written with +peculiar ease and grace; and are highly extolled, and even imitated, by +Voltaire. La Harpe praises the Fleur d’Epine, as the work of an original +genius: I do not think, however, that they are much relished in +England, probably because very ill translated. Another of his literary +productions was the novel called Le Belier, which he wrote on the +following occasion: Louis XIV. had presented to the Countess of Grammont +(whom he highly esteemed) a remarkably elegant small country house in +the park of Versailles: this house became so fashionable a resort, and +brought such constant visitors, that the Count de Grammont said, in his +usual way, he would present the king with a list of all the persons he +was obliged to entertain there, as more suited to his Majesty’s purse +than his own: the countess wished to change the name of the place +from the vulgar appellation of Le Moulineau into that of Pentalie: and +Hamilton, in his novel, wrote a history of a giant, an enchantment, and +a princess, to commemorate her resolution. It has however happened that +the giant Moulineau has had the advantage in the course of time; for +the estate, which is situated near Meudon, upon the Seine, retains its +original and popular designation. + +About the year 1704, Hamilton turned his attention to collecting +the memoirs of his brother-in-law, the Count de Grammont, as we may +conjecture, from the epistle beginning “Honneur des rives eloignees” + being written towards the close of the above year: it is dated, or +supposed to be so, from the banks of the Garonne. Among other authors +whom Hamilton at first proposes to Grammont, as capable of writing +his life (though, on reflection, he thinks them not suited to it), is +Boileau, whose genius he professes to admire; but adds that his muse has +somewhat of malignity; and that such a muse might caress with one hand +and satirize him with the other. This letter was sent by Hamilton to +Boileau, who answered him with great politeness; but, at the same time +that he highly extolled the epistle to Grammont, he, very naturally, +seemed anxious to efface any impression which such a representation of +his satiric vein might make on the Count’s mind, and accordingly added +a few complimentary verses to him: this letter is dated, Paris, 8th +February, 1705. About the same time, another letter was written to +Hamilton on the subject of the Epistle to Grammont, by La Chapelle, who +also seemed desirous that his life should be given to the public, but +was much perplexed which of the most celebrated ancients to compare the +count to. Mecaenas first presented himself to his imagination: absurdly +enough, in my opinion; for there was not a trace of similitude between +the two characters. This, however, afforded him some opportunity, as he +thought, of discovering a resemblance between Horace and Hamilton, in +which he equally failed. Petronius is then brought forward, as affording +some comparison to the Count;--a man of pleasure, giving up the day to +sleep, and the night to entertainment; but then, adds La Chapelle, it +will be suggested that, such is the perpetual activity of the Count of +Grammont’s mind, he may be said to sleep neither night nor day; and if +Petronius died, the Count seems determined never to die at all. (He was +at this time about eighty-five years of age.) It may well be supposed +that all this, though now perfectly vapid and uninteresting, was +extremely flattering to Grammont; and the result was, that he very much +wished to have his life, or part of it, at least, given to the public. +Hamilton, who had been so long connected with him, and with whose +agreeable talents he was now so familiarized, was, on every account, +singled out by him as the person who could best introduce him +historically to the public. It is ridiculous to mention Grammont as the +author of his own Memoirs: his excellence, as a man of wit, was entirely +limited to conversation. Bussy Rabutin, who knew him perfectly, states +that he wrote almost worse than any one. If this was said, and very +truly, of him in his early days, it can hardly be imagined that he +would, when between eighty and ninety years of age, commence a regular, +and, in point of style, most finished composition. Besides, independent +of everything else, what man would so outrage all decorum as to call +himself the admiration of the age? for so is Grammont extolled in the +Memoirs, with a variety of other encomiastic expressions; although, +perhaps, such vanity has not been without example. Hamilton, it is +true, says that he acts as Grammont’s secretary, and only holds the pen, +whilst the Count dictates to him such particulars of his life as were +the most singular, and least known. This is said with great modesty, +and, as to part of the work, perhaps with great truth: it requires, +however, some explanation. Grammont was more than twenty years older +than Hamilton; consequently, the earlier part of his life could +only have been known, or was best known, to the latter from repeated +conversations, and the long intimacy which subsisted between them. +Whether Grammont formally dictated the events of his younger days, or +not, is of little consequence from his general character, it is probable +that he did not. However, the whole account of such adventures as he was +engaged in, from his leaving home to his interview with Cardinal Mazarin +(excepting the character of Monsieur de Senantes, and Matta, who was +well known to Hamilton), the relation of the siege of Lerida, the +description of Gregorio Brice, and the inimitable discovery of his own +magnificent suit of clothes on the ridiculous bridegroom at Abbeville; +all such particulars must have been again and again repeated to Hamilton +by Grammont, and may therefore be fairly grounded on the count’s +authority. The characters of the court of Charles II., and its history, +are to be ascribed to Hamilton: from his residence, at various times, +in the court of London, his connection with the Ormond family, not +to mention others, he must have been well acquainted with them. Lady +Chesterfield, who may be regarded almost as the heroine of the work, was +his cousin-german. + + [She was born at the castle of Kilkenny, July, 1640, as appears from + Carte’s life of her father, the Duke of Ormond.] + +But, although the history altogether was written by Hamilton, it may +not perhaps be known to every reader that Grammont himself sold the +manuscript for fifteen hundred livres; and when it was brought to +Fontenelle, then censor of the press, he refused to license it, +from respect to the character of the Count, which, he thought, was +represented as that of a gambler, and an unprincipled one too. In fact, +Grammont, like many an old gentleman, seems to have recollected the +gaieties of his youth with more complaisance than was necessary, and has +drawn them in pretty strong colours in that part of the work which is +more particularly his own. He laughed at poor Fontenelle’s scruples, and +complained to the chancellor, who forced the censor to acquiesce: the +license was granted, and the Count put the whole of the money, or the +best part of it, in his pocket, though he acknowledged the work to be +Hamilton’s. This is exactly correspondent to his general character: when +money was his object, he had little, or rather no delicacy. + +The History of Grammont may be considered as unique there is nothing +like it in any language. For drollery, knowledge of the world, various +satire, general utility, united with great vivacity of composition, +Gil Blas is unrivalled: but, as a merely agreeable book, the Memoirs +of Grammont perhaps deserve that character more than any which was +ever written: it is pleasantry throughout, pleasantry of the best +sort, unforced, graceful, and engaging. Some French critic has justly +observed, that, if any book were to be selected as affording the truest +specimen of perfect French gaiety, the Memoirs of Grammont would be +selected in preference to all others. This has a Frenchman said of the +work of a foreigner: but that foreigner possessed much genius, had lived +from his youth, not only in the best society of France, but with the +most singular and agreeable man that France could produce. Still, +however, though Grammont and Hamilton were of dispositions very +different, the latter must have possessed talents peculiarly brilliant, +and admirably adapted to coincide with, and display those of his +brother-in-law to the utmost advantage. Gibbon extols the “ease and +purity of Hamilton’s inimitable style;” and in this he is supported by +Voltaire, although he adds the censure, that the Grammont Memoirs are, +in point of materials, the most trifling; he might also in truth have +said, the most improper. The manners of the court of Charles II. were, +to the utmost, profligate and abandoned: yet in what colours have they +been drawn by Hamilton? The elegance of his pencil has rendered them +more seductive and dangerous, than if it had more faithfully copied the +originals. From such a mingled mass of grossness of language, and of +conduct, one would have turned away with disgust and abhorrence; but +Hamilton was, to use the words of his admirer, Lord Orford, “superior to +the indelicacy of the court,” whose vices he has so agreeably depicted; +and that superiority has sheltered such vices from more than half the +oblivion which would now have for ever concealed them. + +The Count de Grammont died in 1707. Some years after the publication +of his Memoirs, Hamilton was engaged in a very different work: he +translated Pope’s Essay on Criticism into French, and, as it should +seem, so much to that great poet’s satisfaction, that he wrote a +very polite letter of thanks to him, which is inserted in Pope’s +Correspondence. Hamilton’s Essay was, I believe, never printed, though +Pope warmly requested to have that permission: the reign of Louis XIV. +had now ceased; and, for several years before his death, the character +of the old court of that prince had ceased also: profligacy and gaiety +had given way to devotion and austerity. Of Hamilton’s friends and +literary acquaintance few were left: the Duke of Berwick was employed in +the field, or at Versailles: some of the ladies, however, continued at +St. Germain; and in their society, particularly that of his niece, +the Countess of Stafford (in whose name he carried on a lively +correspondence with Lady Mary Wortley Montague), he passed much of his +time. He occasionally indulged in poetical compositions, of a style +suited to his age and character; and when he was past seventy, he +wrote that excellent copy of verses, ‘Sur l’ Usage de la Vie dans +la Vieillesse’; which, for grace of style, justness, and purity of +sentiment, does honour to his memory. + +Hamilton died at St. Germain, in April, 1720, aged about seventy-four. +His death was pious and resigned. From his poem, entitled Reflections, +he appears, like some other authors, to have turned his mind, in old +age, entirely to those objects of sacred regard, which, sooner or later, +must engage the attention of every rational mind. To poetry he bids an +eternal adieu, in language which breathes no diminution of genius, at +the moment that he for ever recedes from the poetical character. But he +aspired to a better. + +Whatever were Hamilton’s errors, his general character was respectable. +He has been represented as grave, and even dull, in society; the very +reverse, in short, of what he appears in his Memoirs: but this is +probably exaggerated. Unquestionably, he had not the unequalled vivacity +of the Count de Grammont in conversation; as Grammont was, on the other +hand, inferior, in all respects, to Hamilton when the pen was in his +hand; the latter was, however, though reserved in a large society, +particularly agreeable in a more select one. Some of his letters remain, +in which he alludes to his want of that facility at impromptu which +gave such brilliancy to the conversation of some of his brother wits +and contemporaries. But, while we admit the truth of this, let it be +remembered, at the same time, that when he wrote this, he was by no +means young; that he criticised his own defects with severity; that he +was poor, and living in a court which itself subsisted on the alms of +another. Amidst such circumstances, extemporary gaiety cannot always be +found. I can suppose, that the Duchess of Maine, who laid claim to the +character of a patroness of wit, and, like many who assert such claims, +was very troublesome, very self-sufficient, and very ‘exigeante’, +might not always have found that general superiority, or even transient +lustre, which she expected in Hamilton’s society: yet, considering the +great difference of their age and situation, this circumstance will +not greatly impeach his talents for conversation. But the work of real +genius must for ever remain; and of Hamilton’s genius, the Grammont +Memoirs will always continue a beauteous and graceful monument. To +that monument may also be added, the candour, integrity, and unassuming +virtues of the amiable author. + + + + +CHAPTER FIRST. INTRODUCTION + + +As those who read only for amusement are, in my opinion, more worthy of +attention than those who open a book merely to find fault, to the former +I address myself, and for their entertainment commit the following +pages to press, without being in the least concerned about the severe +criticisms of the latter. I further declare, that the order of time and +disposition of the facts, which give more trouble to the writer than +pleasure to the reader, shall not much embarrass me in these Memoirs. +It being my design to convey a just idea of my hero, those circumstances +which most tend to illustrate and distinguish his character shall find +a place in these fragments just as they present themselves to +my imagination, without paying any particular attention to their +arrangement. For, after all, what does it signify where the portrait +is begun, provided the assemblage of the parts forms a whole which +perfectly expresses the original? The celebrated Plutarch, who treats +his heroes as he does his readers, commences the life of the one just as +he thinks fit, and diverts the attention of the other with digressions +into antiquity, or agreeable passages of literature, which frequently +have no reference to the subject; for instance, he tells us that +Demetrius Poliorcetes was far from being so tall as his father, +Antigonus; and afterwards, that his reputed father, Antigonus, was only +his uncle; but this is not until he has begun his life with a short +account of his death, his various exploits, his good and bad qualities; +and at last, out of compassion to his failings, brings forward a +comparison between him and the unfortunate Mark Antony. + +What I have said upon this subject is not meant to reflect upon this +historian, to whom, of all the ancients, we are most obliged; it is only +intended to authorize the manner in which I have treated a life far more +extraordinary than any of those he has transmitted to us. It is my part +to describe a man whose inimitable character casts a veil over those +faults which I shall neither palliate nor disguise; a man distinguished +by a mixture of virtues and vices so closely linked together as in +appearance to form a necessary dependence, glowing with the greatest +beauty when united, shining with the brightest lustre when opposed. + +It is this indefinable brilliancy, which, in war, in love, in gaming, +and in the various stages of a long life, has rendered the Count de +Grammont the admiration of his age, and the delight of every country +wherein he has displayed his engaging wit, dispensed his generosity and +magnificence, or practised his inconstancy: it is owing to this that +the sallies of a sprightly imagination have produced those admirable +bons-mots which have been with universal applause transmitted to +posterity. It is owing to this that he preserved his judgment free and +unembarrassed in the most trying situations, and enjoyed an uncommon +presence of mind and facetiousness of temper in the most imminent +dangers of war. I shall not attempt to draw his portrait: his person has +been described by Bussi and St. Evremond, authors more entertaining than +faithful. + + [Voltaire, in the age of Louis XIV., ch. 24, speaking of that + monarch, says, “even at the same time when he began to encourage + genius by his liberality, the Count de Bussi was severely punished + for the use he made of his: he was sent to the Bastile in 1664. + ‘The Amours of the Gauls’ was the pretence of his imprisonment; but + the true cause was the song in which the king was treated with too + much freedom, and which, upon this occasion, was brought to + remembrance to ruin Bussi, the reputed author of it. + + Que Deodatus est heureux, + De baiser ce bec amoureux, + Qui d’une oreille a l’autre va! + + See Deodatus with his billing dear, + Whose amorous mouth breathes love from ear to ear! + + “His works were not good enough to compensate for the mischief they + did him. He spoke his own language with purity: he had some merit, + but more conceit: and he made no use of the merit he had, but to + make himself enemies.” Voltaire adds, “Bussi was released at the + end of eighteen months; but he was in disgrace all the rest of his + life, in vain protesting a regard for Louis XIV.” Bussi died 1693. + Of St. Evremond, see note, postea.] + +The former has represented the Chevalier Grammont as artful, fickle, and +even somewhat treacherous in his amours, and indefatigable and cruel +in his jealousies. St. Evremond has used other colours to express the +genius and describe the general manners of the Count; whilst both, in +their different pictures, have done greater honour to themselves than +justice to their hero. + +It is, therefore, to the Count we must listen, in the agreeable relation +of the sieges and battles wherein he distinguished himself under another +hero; and it is on him we must rely for the truth of passages the least +glorious of his life, and for the sincerity with which he relates his +address, vivacity, frauds, and the various stratagems he practised +either in love or gaming. These express his true character, and to +himself we owe these memoirs, since I only hold the pen, while he +directs it to the most remarkable and secret passages of his life. + + + + +CHAPTER SECOND. ARRIVAL OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT AT THE SIEGE OF TRINO, +AND THE LIFE HE LED THERE + + +In those days affairs were not managed in France as at present. Louis +XIII.--[Son and successor of Henry IV. He began to reign 14th May, 1610, +and died 14th May, 1643.]--then sat upon the throne, but the Cardinal de +Richelieu, governed the kingdom; great men commanded little armies, and +little armies did great things; the fortune of great men depended solely +upon ministerial favour, and blind devotion to the will of the minister +was the only sure method of advancement. + + [Of this great minister Mr. Hume gives the following character:-- + + “Undaunted, Undaunted and implacable, prudent and active, he braved + all the opposition of the French princes and nobles in the + prosecution of his vengeance; he discovered and dissipated all their + secret cabals and conspiracies. His sovereign himself he held in + subjection, while he exalted the throne. The people, while they + lost their liberties, acquired, by means of his administration, + learning, order, discipline, and renown.”] + +Vast designs were then laying in the heart of neighbouring states the +foundation of that formidable greatness to which France has now risen: +the police was somewhat neglected; the highways were impassable by day, +and the streets by night; but robberies were committed elsewhere with +greater impunity. Young men, on their first entrance into the world, +took what course they thought proper. Whoever would, was a chevalier, +and whoever could, an abbe: I mean a beneficed abbe: dress made no +distinction between them; and I believe the Chevalier Grammont was both +the one and the other at the siege of Trino.--[Trino was taken 4th +May, 1639.]--This was his first campaign, and here he displayed those +attractive graces which so favourably prepossess, and require neither +friends nor recommendations in any company to procure a favourable +reception. The siege was already formed when he arrived, which saved him +some needless risks; for a volunteer cannot rest at ease until he has +stood the first fire: he went therefore to reconnoitre the generals, +having no occasion to reconnoitre the place. Prince Thomas commanded +the army; and as the post of lieutenant-general was not then known, Du +Plessis Pralin and the famous Viscount Turenne were his majors general. +Fortified places were treated with some respect, before a power which +nothing can withstand had found means to destroy them by dreadful +showers of bombs, and by destructive batteries of hundreds of pieces of +cannon. Before these furious storms which drive governors underground +and reduce their garrisons to powder, repeated sallies bravely repulsed, +and vigorous attacks nobly sustained, signalized both the art of the +besiegers and the courage of the besieged; consequently, sieges were of +some length, and young men had an opportunity of gaining some knowledge. +Many brave actions were performed on each side during the siege of +Trino; a great deal of fatigue was endured, and considerable losses +sustained; but fatigue was no more considered, hardships were no more +felt in the trenches, gravity was at an end with the generals, and the +troops were no longer dispirited after the arrival of the Chevalier +Grammont. Pleasure was his pursuit, and he made it universal. + +Among the officers in the army, as in all other places, there are men of +real merit, or pretenders to it. The latter endeavoured to imitate the +Chevalier Grammont in his most shining qualities, but without success; +the former admired his talents and courted his friendship. Of this +number was Matta: + + [Matta, or Matha, of whom Hamilton has drawn so striking a picture, + is said to have been of the house of Bourdeille, which had the + honour to produce Brautome and Montresor. The combination of + indolence and talent, of wit and simplicity, of bluntness and irony, + with which he is represented, may have been derived from tradition, + but could only have been united into the inimitable whole by the pen + of Hamilton. Several of his bons-mots have been preserved; but the + spirit evaporates in translation. “Where could I get this nose,” + said Madame D’Albret, observing a slight tendency to a flush in that + feature. “At the side board, Madame,” answered Matta. When the + same lady, in despair at her brother’s death, refused all + nourishment, Matta administered this blunt consolation: “If you are + resolved, madame, never again to swallow food, you do well; but if + ever you mean to eat upon any future occasion, believe me, you may + as well begin just now.” Madame Caylus, in her Souvenirs, + commemorates the simple and natural humour of Matta as rendering him + the most delightful society in the world. Mademoiselle, in her + Memoirs, alludes to his pleasantry in conversation, and turn for + deep gaming. When the Memoirs of Grammont were subjected to the + examination of Fontenelle, then censor of the Parisian press, he + refused to license them, or account of the scandalous conduct + imputed to Grammont in this party at quinze. The count no sooner + heard of this than he hastened to Fontenelle, and having joked him + for being more tender of his reputation than he was himself, the + license was instantly issued. The censor might have retorted upon + Grammont the answer which the count made to a widow who received + coldly his compliments of condolence on her husband’s death: “Nay, + madame, if that is the way you take it, I care as little about it as + you do.” He died in 1674. “Matta est mort sans confession,” says + Madame Maintenon, in a letter to her brother. Tome I., p. 67.] + +He was agreeable in his person, but still more by the natural turn of +his wit; he was plain and simple in his manners, but endued with a quick +discernment and refined delicacy, and full of candour and integrity in +all his actions. The Chevalier Grammont was not long in discovering his +amiable qualities; an acquaintance was soon formed, and was succeeded by +the strictest intimacy. + +Matta insisted that the Chevalier should take up his quarters with him; +to which he only consented on condition of equally contributing to the +expense. As they were both liberal and magnificent, at their common cost +they gave the best designed and most luxurious entertainments that had +ever yet been seen. Play was wonderfully productive at first, and the +Chevalier restored by a hundred different ways that which he obtained +only by one. The generals, being entertained by turns, admired their +magnificence, and were dissatisfied with their own officers for not +keeping such good tables and attendance. The Chevalier had the talent of +setting off the most indifferent things to advantage; and his wit was so +generally acknowledged, that it was a kind of disgrace not to submit to +his taste. To him Matta resigned the care of furnishing the table and +doing its honours; and, charmed with the general applause, persuaded +himself that nothing could be more honourable than their way of living, +and nothing more easy than to continue it; but he soon perceived that +the greatest prosperity is not the most lasting. Good living, bad +economy, dishonest servants, and ill-luck, all uniting together to +disconcert their housekeeping, their table was going to be gradually +laid aside, when the Chevalier’s genius, fertile in resources, undertook +to support his former credit by the following expedient. + +They had never yet conferred about the state of their finances, although +the steward had acquainted each, separately, that he must either receive +money to continue the expenses, or give in his accounts. One day, when +the Chevalier came home sooner than usual, he found Matta fast asleep in +an easy chair, and, being unwilling to disturb his rest, he began musing +on his project. Matta awoke without his perceiving it; and having, for +a short time, observed the deep contemplation he seemed involved in, +and the profound silence between two persons who had never held their +tongues for a moment when together before, he broke it by a sudden fit +of laughter, which increased in proportion as the other stared at him. +“A merry way of waking, and ludicrous enough,” said the Chevalier; +“what is the matter, and whom do you laugh at!” “Faith, Chevalier,” said +Matta, “I am laughing at a dream I had just now, which is so natural and +diverting, that I must make you laugh at it also. I was dreaming that we +had dismissed our maitre-d’hotel, our cook, and our confectioner, having +resolved, for the remainder of the campaign, to live upon others as +others have lived upon us: this was my dream. Now tell me, Chevalier, on +what were you musing?” “Poor fellow!” said the Chevalier, shrugging up +his shoulders, “you are knocked down at once, and thrown into the utmost +consternation and despair at some silly stories which the maitre-d’hotel +has been telling you as well as me. What! after the figure we have made +in the face of the nobility and foreigners in the army, shall we give it +up, and like fools and beggars sneak off, upon the first failure of +our money! Have you no sentiments of honour? Where is the dignity of +France?” “And where is the money?” said Matta; “for my men say, the +devil may take them, if there be ten crowns in the house, and I believe +you have not much more, for it is above a week since I have seen you +pull out your purse, or count your money, an amusement you were very +fond of in prosperity.” “I own all this,” said the Chevalier, “but yet I +will force you to confess, that you are but a mean-spirited fellow upon +this occasion. What would have become of you if you had been reduced to +the situation I was in at Lyons, four days before I arrived here? I will +tell you the story.” + + + + +CHAPTER THIRD. EDUCATION AND ADVENTURES OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT BEFORE +HIS COMING TO THE SIEGE OF TRINO + + +“This,” said Matta, “smells strongly of romance, except that it should +have been your squire’s part to tell your adventures.” + +“True,” said the Chevalier; “however, I may acquaint you with my first +exploits without offending my modesty; besides, my squire’s style +borders too much upon the burlesque for an heroic narrative. + +“You must know, then, that upon my arrival at Lyons--” + +“Is it thus you begin?” said Matta. “Pray give us your history a little +further back. The most minute particulars of a life like yours are +worthy of relation; but above all, the manner in which you first +paid your respects to Cardinal Richelieu: I have often laughed at it. +However, you may pass over the unlucky pranks of your infancy, your +genealogy, name and quality of your ancestors, for that is a subject +with which you must be utterly unacquainted.” + +“Pooh!” said the Chevalier; “you think that all the world is as ignorant +as yourself; you think that I am a stranger to the Mendores and the +Corisandes. So, perhaps I don’t know that it was my father’s own fault +that he was not the son of Henry IV. The king would by all means have +acknowledged him for his son, but the traitor would never consent to it. +See what the Grammonts would have been now, but for this cross-grained +fellow! They would have had precedence of the Caesars de Vendome. You +may laugh if you like, yet it is as true as the gospel: but let us come +to the point. + +“I was sent to the college of Pau, with the intention of being brought +up to the church; but as I had quite different views, I made no manner +of improvement: gaming was so much in my head, that both my tutor and +the master lost their labour in endeavouring to teach me Latin. Old +Brinon, who served me both as valet-de-chambre and governor, in vain +threatened to acquaint my mother. I only studied when I pleased, that is +to say, seldom or never: however, they treated me as is customary with +scholars of my quality; I was raised to all the dignities of the forms, +without having merited them, and left college nearly in the same +state in which I entered it; nevertheless, I was thought to have +more knowledge than was requisite for the abbacy which my brother had +solicited for me. He had just married the niece of a minister, to whom +every one cringed: he was desirous to present me to him. I felt but +little regret to quit the country, and great impatience to see Paris. My +brother having kept me some time with him, in order to polish me, let me +loose upon the town to shake off my rustic air, and learn the manners of +the world. I so thoroughly gained them, that I could not be persuaded +to lay them aside when I was introduced at court in the character of an +Abby. You know what kind of dress was then the fashion. All that they +could obtain of me was to put a cassock over my other clothes, and my +brother, ready to die with laughing at my ecclesiastical habit, made +others laugh too. I had the finest head of hair in the world, well +curled and powdered, above my cassock, and below were white buskins and +gilt spurs. The Cardinal, who had a quick discernment, could not help +laughing. This elevation of sentiment gave him umbrage; and he foresaw +what might be expected from a genius that already laughed at the shaven +crown and cowl. + +“When my brother had taken me home, ‘Well, my little parson,’ said he, +‘you have acted your part to admiration, and your parti-coloured dress +of the ecclesiastic and soldier has greatly diverted the court; but +this is not all: you must now choose, my little knight. Consider then, +whether, by sticking to the church, you will possess great revenues, and +have nothing to do; or, with a small portion, you will risk the loss of +a leg or arm, and be the fructus belli of an insensible court, to arrive +in your old age at the dignity of a major-general, with a glass eye and +a wooden leg.’ ‘I know,’ said I, ‘that there is no comparison between +these two situations, with regard to the conveniences of life; but, as +a man ought to secure his future state in preference to all other +considerations, I am resolved to renounce the church for the salvation +of my soul, upon condition, however, that I keep my abbacy.’ Neither the +remonstrances nor authority of my brother could induce me to change my +resolution; and he was forced to agree to this last article in order +to keep me at the academy. You know that I am the most adroit man in +France, so that I soon learned all that is taught at such places, and, +at the same time, I also learnt that which gives the finishing stroke to +a young fellow’s education, and makes him a gentleman, viz. all sorts +of games, both at cards and dice; but the truth is, I thought, at first, +that I had more skill in them than I really had, as experience proved. +When my mother knew the choice I had made, she was inconsolable; for she +reckoned, that had I been a clergyman I should have been a saint; but +now she was certain that I should either be a devil in the world, or be +killed in the wars. And indeed I burned with impatience to be a soldier; +but being yet too young, I was forced to make a campaign at Bidache--[A +principality belonging to the family of the Grammonts, in the Province +of Gascony.]--before I made one in the army. When I returned to my +mother’s house, I had so much the air of a courtier and a man of the +world, that she began to respect me, instead of chiding me for my +infatuation towards the army. I became her favourite, and finding me +inflexible, she only thought of keeping me with her as long as she +could, while my little equipage was preparing. The faithful Brinon, +who was to attend me as valet-de-chambre, was likewise to discharge the +office of governor and equerry, being, perhaps, the only Gascon who was +ever possessed of so much gravity and ill-temper. He passed his word +for my good behaviour and morality, and promised my mother that he would +give a good account of my person in the dangers of the war; but I hope +he will keep his word better as to this last article than he has done as +to the former. + +“My equipage was sent away a week before me. This was so much time +gained by my mother to give me good advice. At length, after having +solemnly enjoined me to have the fear of God before my eyes, and to love +my neighbour as myself, she suffered me to depart, under the protection +of the Lord and the sage Brinon. At the second stage we quarrelled. He +had received four hundred louis d’or for the expenses of the campaign: I +wished to have the keeping of them myself, which he strenuously opposed. +‘Thou old scoundrel,’ said I, ‘is the money thine, or was it given +thee for me? You suppose I must have a treasurer, and receive no money +without his order. I know not whether it was from a presentiment of what +afterwards happened that he grew melancholy; however, it was with +the greatest reluctance, and the most poignant anguish, that he found +himself obliged to yield. One would have thought that I had wrested +his very soul from him. I found myself more light and merry after I had +eased him of his trust; he, on the contrary, appeared so overwhelmed +with grief, that it seemed as if I had laid four hundred pounds of lead +upon his back, instead of taking away these four hundred louis. He went +on so heavily, that I was forced to whip his horse myself, and turning +to me, now and then, ‘Ah! sir,’ said he, my lady did not think it would +be so. ‘His reflections and sorrows were renewed at every stage; for, +instead of giving a shilling to the post-boy, I gave him half-a-crown. + +“Having at last reached Lyons, two soldiers stopped us at the gate of +the city, to carry us before the governor. I took one of them to conduct +me to the best inn, and delivered Brinon into the hands of the other, +to acquaint the commandant with the particulars of my journey, and my +future intentions. + +“There are as good taverns at Lyons as at Paris; but my soldier, +according to custom, carried me to a friend of his own, whose house he +extolled as having the best accommodations, and the greatest resort of +good company, in the whole town. The master of this hotel was as big as +a hogshead, his name Cerise; a Swiss by birth, a poisoner by profession, +and a thief by custom. He showed me into a tolerably neat room, and +desired to know whether I pleased to sup by myself or at the ordinary. +I chose the latter, on account of the beau monde which the soldier had +boasted of. + +“Brinon, who was quite out of temper at the many questions which the +governor had asked him, returned more surly than an old ape; and seeing +that I was dressing my hair, in order to go downstairs: ‘What are you +about now, sir?’ said he. ‘Are you going to tramp about the town? No, +no; have we not had tramping enough ever since the morning? Eat a bit +of supper, and go to bed betimes, that you may get on horseback by +day-break.’ ‘Mr. Comptroller,’ said I, ‘I shall neither tramp about +the town, nor eat alone, nor go to bed early. I intend to sup with the +company below.’ ‘At the ordinary!’ cried he; ‘I beseech you, sir, do +not think of it! Devil take me, if there be not a dozen brawling fellows +playing at cards and dice, who make noise enough to drown the loudest +thunder!’ + +“I was grown insolent since I had seized the money; and being desirous +to shake off the yoke of a governor, ‘Do you know, Mr. Brinon,’ said I, +‘that I don’t like a blockhead to set up for a reasoner? Do you go +to supper, if you please; but take care that I have post-horses ready +before daybreak.’ The moment he mentioned cards and dice, I felt the +money burn in my pocket. I was somewhat surprised, however, to find the +room where the ordinary was served filled with odd-looking creatures. My +host, after presenting me to the company, assured me that there were but +eighteen or twenty of those gentlemen who would have the honour to sup +with me. I approached one of the tables where they were playing, and +thought I should have died with laughing: I expected to have seen +good company and deep play; but I only met with two Germans playing +at backgammon. Never did two country boobies play like them; but their +figures beggared all description. The fellow near whom I stood was +short, thick, and fat, and as round as a ball, with a ruff, and +prodigious high crowned hat. Any one, at a moderate distance, would have +taken him for the dome of a church, with the steeple on the top of it. I +inquired of the host who he was. ‘A merchant from Basle,’ said he, ‘who +comes hither to sell horses; but from the method he pursues, I think he +will not dispose of many; for he does nothing but play.’ ‘Does he play +deep?’ said I. ‘Not now,’ said he; ‘they are only playing for their +reckoning, while supper is getting ready; but he has no objection to +play as deep as any one.’ ‘Has he money?’ said I. ‘As for that,’ replied +the treacherous Cerise, ‘would to God you had won a thousand pistoles of +him, and I went your halves; we should not be long without our money.’ I +wanted no further encouragement to meditate the ruin of the high-crowned +hat. I went nearer to him, in order to take a closer survey; never was +such a bungler; he made blots upon blots; God knows, I began to feel +some remorse at winning of such an ignoramus, who knew so little of the +game. He lost his reckoning; supper was served up; and I desired him +to sit next me. It was a long table, and there were at least +five-and-twenty in company, notwithstanding the landlord’s promise. The +most execrable repast that ever was begun being finished, all the crowd +insensibly dispersed, except the little Swiss, who still kept near me, +and the landlord, who placed himself on the other side of me. They +both smoked like dragoons; and the Swiss was continually saying, in bad +French, ‘I ask your pardon, sir, for my great freedom,’ at the same time +blowing such whiffs of tobacco in my face as almost suffocated me. Mr. +Cerise, on the other hand, desired he might take the liberty of asking +me whether I had ever been in his country? and seemed surprised I had so +genteel an air, without having travelled in Switzerland. + +“The little chub I had to encounter was full as inquisitive as the +other. He desired to know whether I came from the army in Piedmont; and +having told him I was going thither, he asked me, whether I had a mind +to buy any horses; that he had about two hundred to dispose of, and that +he would sell them cheap. I began to be smoked like a gammon of +bacon; and being quite wearied out, both with their tobacco and their +questions, I asked my companion if he would play for a single pistole +at backgammon, while our men were supping; it was not without great +ceremony that he consented, at the same time asking my pardon for his +great freedom. + +“I won the game; I gave him his revenge, and won again. We then played +double or quit; I won that too, and all in the twinkling of an eye; for +he grew vexed, and suffered himself to be taken in so that I began to +bless my stars for my good fortune. Brinon came in about the end of the +third game, to put me to bed, he made a great sign of the cross, but +paid no attention to the signs I made him to retire. I was forced to +rise to give him that order in private. He began to reprimand me for +disgracing myself by keeping company with such a low-bred wretch. It +was in vain that I told him he was a great merchant, that he had a great +deal of money, and that he played like a child. ‘He a merchant,’ cried +Brinon. ‘Do not believe that, sir! May the devil take me, if he is not +some conjurer.’ ‘Hold your tongue, old fool,’ said I; ‘he is no more a +conjurer than you are, and that is decisive; and, to prove it to you, I +am resolved to win four or five hundred pistoles of him before I go to +bed. With these words I turned him out, strictly enjoining him not to +return, or in any manner to disturb us. + +“The game being done, the little Swiss unbuttoned his pockets, to pull +out a new four-pistole piece, and presenting it to me, he asked my +pardon for his great freedom, and seemed as if he wished to retire. This +was not what I wanted. I told him we only played for amusement; that I +had no design upon his money; and that, if he pleased, I would play +him a single game for his four pistoles. He raised some objections; but +consented at last, and won back his money. I was piqued at it. I played +another game; fortune changed sides; the dice ran for him, he made +no more blots. I lost the game; another game, and double or quit; we +doubled the stake, and played double or quit again. I was vexed; he, +like a true gamester, took every bet I offered, and won all before him, +without my getting more than six points in eight or ten games. I asked +him to play a single game for one hundred pistoles; but as he saw I did +not stake, he told me it was late; that he must go and look after his +horses; and went away, still asking my pardon for his great freedom. The +cool manner of his refusal, and the politeness with which he took his +leave, provoked me to such a degree, that I could almost have killed +him. I was so confounded at losing my money so fast, even to the last +pistole, that I did not immediately consider the miserable situation to +which I was reduced. + +“I durst not go up to my chamber for fear of Brinon. By good luck, +however, he was tired with waiting for me, and had gone to bed. This was +some consolation, though but of short continuance. As soon as I was laid +down, all the fatal consequences of my adventure presented themselves +to my imagination. I could not sleep. I saw all the horrors of my +misfortune, without being able to find any remedy; in vain did I rack +my brain; it supplied me with no expedient. I feared nothing so much as +daybreak; however, it did come, and the cruel Brinon along with it. He +was booted up to the middle, and cracking a cursed whip, which he +held in his hand, ‘Up, Monsieur le Chevalier,’ cried he, opening the +curtains; ‘the horses are at the door, and you are still asleep. We +ought by this time to have ridden two stages; give me money to pay the +reckoning.’ ‘Brinon,’ said I, in a dejected tone, ‘draw the curtains.’ +‘What!’ cried he, ‘draw the curtains! Do you intend, then, to make your +campaign at Lyons? you seem to have taken a liking to the place. And for +the great merchant, you have stripped him, I suppose? No, no, Monsieur +le Chevalier, this money will never do you any good. This wretch has, +perhaps, a family; and it is his children’s bread that he has been +playing with, and that you have won. Was this an object to sit up all +night for? What would my lady say, if she knew what a life you lead?’ +‘M. Brinon,’ said I, ‘pray draw the curtains.’ But instead of obeying +me, one would have thought that the devil had prompted him to use the +most pointed and galling terms to a person under such misfortunes. ‘And +how much have you won?’ said he; ‘five hundred pistoles? what must the +poor man do? + +“‘Recollect, Monsieur le Chevalier, what I have said, this money will +never thrive with you. It is, perhaps, but four hundred? three? two? +well if it be but one hundred louis d’or, continued he, seeing that +I shook my head at every sum which he had named, there is no great +mischief done; one hundred pistoles will not ruin him, provided you have +won them fairly.’ ‘Friend Brinon,’ said I, fetching a deep sigh, ‘draw +the curtains; I am unworthy to see daylight’ Brinon was much affected at +these melancholy words, but I thought he would have fainted, when I told +him the whole adventure. He tore his hair, made grievous lamentations, +the burden of which still was, ‘What will my lady say?’ And, after +having exhausted his unprofitable complaints, ‘What will become of +you now, Monsieur le Chevalier?’ said he, ‘what do you intend to +do?’ ‘Nothing,’ said I, ‘for I am fit for no thing. After this, being +somewhat eased after making him my confession, I thought upon several +projects, to none of which could I gain his approbation. I would have +had him post after my equipage, to have sold some of my clothes. I was +for proposing to the horse-dealer to buy some horses of him at a high +price on credit, to sell again cheap. Brinon laughed at all these +schemes, and after having had the cruelty of keeping me upon the rack +for a long time, he at last extricated me. Parents are always stingy +towards their poor children; my mother intended to have given me five +hundred louis d’or, but she had kept back fifty, as well for some little +repairs in the abbey, as to pay for praying for me. Brinon had the +charge of the other fifty, with strict injunctions not to speak of them, +unless upon some urgent necessity. And this you see soon happened. + +“Thus you have a brief account of my first adventure. Play has hitherto +favoured me; for, since my arrival, I have had, at one time, after +paying all my expenses, fifteen hundred louis d’or. Fortune is now +again become unfavourable: we must mend her. Our cash runs low; we must, +therefore, endeavour to recruit.” + +“Nothing is more easy,” said Matta; “it is only to find out such another +dupe as the horse-dealer at Lyons; but now I think on it, has not the +faithful Brinon some reserve for the last extremity? Faith, the time is +now come, and we cannot do better than to make use of it!” + +“Your raillery would be very seasonable,” said the Chevalier, “if you +knew how to extricate us out of this difficulty. You must certainly have +an overflow of wit, to be throwing it away upon every occasion as +at present. What the devil! will you always be bantering, without +considering what a serious situation we are reduced to. Mind what I say, +I will go tomorrow to the head-quarters, I will dine with the Count de +Cameran, and I will invite him to supper.” “Where?” said Matta. “Here,” + said the Chevalier. “You are mad, my poor friend,” replied Matta. “This +is some such project as you formed at Lyons: you know we have neither +money nor credit; and, to re-establish our circumstances, you intend to +give a supper.” + +“Stupid fellow!” said the Chevalier, “is it possible, that, so long as +we have been acquainted, you should have learned no more invention? The +Count de Cameran plays at quinze, and so do I; we want money; he has +more than he knows what to do with; I will bespeak a splendid supper, he +shall pay for it. Send your maitre-d’hotel to me, and trouble yourself +no further, except in some precautions, which it is necessary to take on +such an occasion.” “What are they?” said Matta. “I will tell you,” said +the Chevalier; “for I find one must explain to you things that are as +clear as noon-day.” + +“You command the guards that are here, don’t you? As soon as night comes +on, you shall order fifteen or twenty men, under the command of your +sergeant La Place, to be under arms, and to lay themselves flat on the +ground, between this place and the head-quarters.” “What the devil!” + cried Matta, “an ambuscade? God forgive me, I believe you intend to +rob the poor Savoyard. If that be your intention, I declare I will have +nothing to say to it” “Poor devil!” said the Chevalier, “the matter is +this; it is very likely that we shall win his money. The Piedmontese, +though otherwise good fellows, are apt to be suspicious and distrustful. +He commands the horse; you know you cannot hold your tongue, and are +very likely to let slip some jest or other that may vex him. Should he +take it into his head that he is cheated, and resent it, who knows what +the consequences might be? for he is commonly attended by eight or +ten horsemen. Therefore, however he may be provoked at his loss, it is +proper to be in such a situation as not to dread his resentment.” + +“Embrace me, my dear Chevalier,” said Matta, holding his sides and +laughing; “embrace me, for thou art not to be matched. What a fool I was +to think, when you talked to me of taking precautions, that nothing more +was necessary than to prepare a table and cards, or perhaps to provide +some false dice! I should never have thought of supporting a man who +plays at quinze by a detachment of foot: I must, indeed, confess that +you are already a great soldier.” + +The next day everything happened as the Chevalier Grammont had planned +it; the unfortunate Cameran fell into the snare. They supped in the most +agreeable manner possible Matta drank five or six bumpers to drown a few +scruples which made him somewhat uneasy. The Chevalier de Grammont shone +as usual, and almost made his guest die with laughing, whom he was soon +after to make very serious; and the good-natured Cameran ate like a man +whose affections were divided between good cheer and a love of play; +that is to say, he hurried down his victuals, that he might not lose any +of the precious time which he had devoted to quinze. + +Supper being done, the sergeant La Place posted his ambuscade, and the +Chevalier de Grammont engaged his man. The perfidy of Cerise, and the +high-crowned hat, were still fresh in remembrance, and enabled him to +get the better of a few grains of remorse, and conquer some scruples +which arose in his mind. Matta, unwilling to be a spectator of violated +hospitality, sat down in an easy chair, in order to fall asleep, while +the Chevalier was stripping the poor Count of his money. + +They only staked three or four pistoles at first, just for amusement; +but Cameran having lost three or four times, he staked high, and the +game became serious. He still lost, and became outrageous; the cards +flew about the room, and the exclamations awoke Matta. + +As his head was heavy with sleep, and hot with wine, he began to laugh +at the passion of the Piedmontese, instead of consoling him. “Faith, my +poor Count,” said he, “if I were in your place, I would play no more.” + “Why so?” said the other. “I don’t know,” said he, “but my heart tells +me that your ill-luck will continue.” “I will try that,” said Cameran, +calling for fresh cards. “Do so,” said Matta, and fell asleep again. +It was but for a short time. All cards were equally unfortunate for the +loser. He held none but tens or court-cards; and if by chance he had +quinze, he was sure to be the younger hand, and therefore lost it. Again +he stormed. “Did not I tell you so?” said Matta, starting out of his +sleep. “All your storming is in vain; as long as you play you will lose. +Believe me, the shortest follies are the best. Leave off, for the devil +take me if it is possible for you to win.” “Why?” said Cameran, who +began to be impatient. “Do you wish to know?” said Matta; “why, faith, +it is because we are cheating you.” + +The Chevalier de Grammont was provoked at so ill-timed a jest, more +especially as it carried along with it some appearance of truth. “Mr. +Matta,” said he, “do you think it can be very agreeable for a man who +plays with such ill-luck as the Count to be pestered with your insipid +jests? For my part, I am so weary of the game, that I would desist +immediately, if he was not so great a loser.” Nothing is more dreaded +by a losing gamester, than such a threat; and the Count, in a softened +tone, told the Chevalier that Mr. Matta might say what he pleased, if +he did not offend him; that, as to himself, it did not give him the +smallest uneasiness. + +The Chevalier de Grammont gave the Count far better treatment than he +himself had experienced from the Swiss at Lyons; for he played upon +credit as long as he pleased; which Cameran took so kindly, that he lost +fifteen hundred pistoles, and paid them the next morning. As for Matta, +he was severely reprimanded for the intemperance of his tongue. All +the reason he gave for his conduct was, that he made it a point of +conscience not to suffer the poor Savoyard to be cheated without +informing him of it. “Besides,” said he, “it would have given me +pleasure to have seen my infantry engaged with his horse, if he had been +inclined to mischief.” + +This adventure having recruited their finances, fortune favoured them +the remainder of the campaign, and the Chevalier de Grammont, to prove +that he had only seized upon the Count’s effects by way of reprisal, +and to indemnify himself for the losses he had sustained at Lyons, began +from this time to make the same use of his money, that he has been known +to do since upon all occasions. He found out the distressed, in order to +relieve them; officers who had lost their equipage in the war, or their +money at play; soldiers who were disabled in the trenches; in short, +every one felt the influence of his benevolence: but his manner of +conferring a favour exceeded even the favour itself. + +Every man possessed of such amiable qualities must meet with success in +all his undertakings. The soldiers knew his person, and adored him. The +generals were sure to meet him in every scene of action, and sought his +company at other times. As soon as fortune declared for him, his first +care was to make restitution, by desiring Cameran to go his halves in +all parties where the odds were in his favour. + +An inexhaustible fund of vivacity and good humour gave a certain air of +novelty to whatever he either said or did. I know not on what occasion +it was that Monsieur de Turenne towards the end of the siege, commanded +a separate body. The Chevalier de Grammont went to visit him at his new +quarters, where he found fifteen or twenty officers. M. de Turenne was +naturally fond of merriment, and the Chevalier’s presence was sure +to inspire it. He was much pleased with this visit, and, by way of +acknowledgment, would have engaged him to play. The Chevalier de +Grammont, in returning him thanks, said, that he had learned from his +tutor, that when a man went to see his friends, it was neither prudent +to leave his own money behind him, nor civil to carry off theirs. +“Truly,” said Monsieur de Turenne, “you will find neither deep play nor +much money among us; but, that it may not be said that we suffered you +to depart without playing, let us stake every one a horse.” + +The Chevalier de Grammont agreed. Fortune, who had followed him to a +place where he did not think he should have any need of her, made +him win fifteen or sixteen horses, by way of joke; but, seeing some +countenances disconcerted at the loss, “Gentlemen,” said he, “I should +be sorry to see you return on foot from your general’s quarters; it will +be enough for me if you send me your horses to-morrow, except one, which +I give for the cards.” + +The valet-de-chambre thought he was bantering. “I speak seriously,” said +the Chevalier, “I give you a horse for the cards; and, what is more, +take whichever you please, except my own.” “Truly,” said Monsieur de +Turenne, “I am vastly pleased with the novelty of the thing; for I don’t +believe that a horse was ever before given for the cards.” + + +Trino surrendered at last. The Baron de Batteville, who had defended it +valiantly, and for a long time, obtained a capitulation worthy of such a +resistance. + + [This officer appears to have been the same person who was + afterwards ambassador from Spain to the court of Great Britain, + where, in the summer of 1660, he offended the French court, by + claiming precedence of their ambassador, Count d’Estrades, on the + public entry of the Swedish ambassador into London. On this + occasion the court of France compelled its rival of Spain to submit + to the mortifying circumstance of acknowledging the French + superiority. To commemorate this important victory, Louis XIV. + caused a medal to be struck, representing the Spanish ambassador, + the Marquis de Fuente, making the declaration to that king, “No + concurrer con los ambassadores des de Francia,” with this + inscription, “Jus praecedendi assertum,” and under it, “Hispaniorum + excusatio coram xxx legatis principum, 1662.” A very curious + account of the fray occasioned by this dispute, drawn up by Evelyn, + is to be seen in that gentleman’s article in the Biographia + Britannica.] + +I do not know whether the Chevalier de Grammont had any share in the +capture of this place; but I know very well, that during a more glorious +reign, and with armies ever victorious, his intrepidity and address have +been the cause of taking others since, even under the eye of his master, +as we shall see in the sequel of these memoirs. + + + + +CHAPTER FOURTH. HIS ARRIVAL AT THE COURT OF TURIN, AND HOW HE SPENT HIS +TIME THERE + + +Military glory is at most but one half of the accomplishments which +distinguish heroes. Love must give the finishing stroke, and adorn their +character by the difficulties they encounter, the temerity of their +enterprises, and finally, by the lustre of success. We have examples +of this, not only in romances, but also in the genuine histories of the +most famous warriors and the most celebrated conquerors. + +The Chevalier de Grammont and Matta, who did not think much of these +examples, were, however, of opinion, that it would be very agreeable to +refresh themselves after the fatigues of the siege of Trino, by forming +some other sieges, at the expense of the beauties and the husbands of +Turin. As the campaign had finished early, they thought they should have +time to perform some exploits before the bad weather obliged them to +repass the mountains. + +They sallied forth, therefore, not unlike Amadis de Gaul or Don +Galaor after they had been dubbed knights, eager in their search after +adventures in love, war and enchantments. They were greatly superior +to those two brothers, who only knew how to cleave in twain giants, to +break lances, and to carry off fair damsels behind them on horseback, +without saying a single word to them; whereas our heroes were adepts at +cards and dice, of which the others were totally ignorant. + +They went to Turin, met with an agreeable reception, and were greatly +distinguished at court. Could it be otherwise? They were young and +handsome; they had wit at command, and spent their money liberally. +In what country will not a man succeed, possessing such advantages? As +Turin was at that time the seat of gallantry and of love, two strangers +of this description, who were always cheerful, brisk and lively, could +not fail to please the ladies of the court. + +Though the men of Turin were extremely handsome, they were not, however, +possessed of the art of pleasing. They treated their wives with respect, +and were courteous to strangers. Their wives, still more handsome, were +full as courteous to strangers, and less respectful to their husbands. + +Madame Royale, a worthy daughter of Henry IV., rendered her little court +the most agreeable in the world. She inherited such of her father’s +virtues as compose the proper ornament of her sex; and with regard to +what are termed the foibles of great souls, her highness had in no wise +degenerated. + +The Count de Tanes was her prime minister. It was not difficult to +conduct affairs of state during his administration. No complaints +were alleged against him; and the princess, satisfied with his conduct +herself, was, above all, glad to have her choice approved by her whole +court, where people lived nearly according to the manners and customs of +ancient chivalry. + +The ladies had each a professed lover, for fashion’s sake, besides +volunteers, whose numbers were unlimited. The declared admirers wore +their mistresses’ liveries, their arms, and sometimes even took their +names. Their office was, never to quit them in public, and never to +approach them in private; to be their squires upon all occasions, and, +in jousts and tournaments, to adorn their lances, their housings, and +their coats, with the cyphers and the colours of their dulcineas. + +Matta was far from being averse to gallantry; but would have liked it +more simple than as it was practised at Turin. The ordinary forms would +not have disgusted him; but he found here a sort of superstition in +the ceremonies and worship of love, which he thought very inconsistent: +however, as he had submitted his conduct in that matter to the direction +of the Chevalier de Grammont, he was obliged to follow his example, and +to conform to the customs of the country. + +They enlisted themselves at the same time in the service of two +beauties, whose former squires gave them up immediately from motives +of politeness. The Chevalier de Grammont chose Mademoiselle de +Saint-Germain, and told Matta to offer his services to Madame de +Senantes. Matta consented, though he liked the other better; but the +Chevalier de Grammont persuaded him that Madame de Senantes was more +suitable for him. As he had reaped advantage from the Chevalier’s +talents in the first projects they had formed, he resolved to follow his +instructions in love, as he had done his advice in play. + +Mademoiselle de Saint-Germain was in the bloom of youth; her eyes were +small, but very bright and sparkling, and, like her hair, were black; +her complexion was lively and clear, though not fair: she, had an +agreeable mouth, two fine rows of teeth, a neck as handsome as one could +wish, and a most delightful shape; she had a particular elegance in her +elbows, which, however, she did not show to advantage; her hands were +rather large and not very white; her feet, though not of the smallest, +were well shaped; she trusted to Providence, and used no art to set off +those graces which she had received from nature; but, notwithstanding +her negligence in the embellishment of her charms, there was something +so lively in her person, that the Chevalier de Grammont was caught at +first sight; her wit and humour corresponded with her other qualities, +being quite easy and perfectly charming; she was all mirth, all life, +all complaisance and politeness, and all was natural, and always the +same without any variation. + +The Marchioness de Senantes was esteemed fair, and she might have +enjoyed, if she had pleased, the reputation of having red hair, had she +not rather chosen to conform to the taste of the age in which she lived +than to follow that of the ancients: she had all the advantages of red +hair without any of the inconveniences; a constant attention to her +person served as a corrective to the natural defects of her complexion. +After all, what does it signify, whether cleanliness be owing to nature +or to art? it argues an invidious temper to be very inquisitive about +it. She had a great deal of wit, a good memory, more reading, and a +still greater inclination towards tenderness. + +She had a husband whom it would have been criminal even in chastity +to spare. He piqued himself upon being a Stoic, and gloried in being +slovenly and disgusting in honour of his profession. In this he +succeeded to admiration; for he was very fat, so that he perspired +almost as much in winter as in summer. Erudition and brutality seemed to +be the most conspicuous features of his character, and were displayed in +his conversation, sometimes together, sometimes alternately, but always +disagreeably: he was not jealous, and yet he was troublesome; he was +very well pleased to see attentions paid to his wife, provided more were +paid to him. + +As soon as our adventurers had declared themselves, the Chevalier de +Grammont arrayed himself in green habiliments, and dressed Matta in +blue, these being the favourite colours of their new mistresses. They +entered immediately upon duty: the Chevalier learned and practised all +the ceremonies of this species of gallantry, as if he always had been +accustomed to them; but Matta commonly forgot one half, and was not over +perfect in practising the other. He never could remember that his office +was to promote the glory, and not the interest, of his mistress. + +The Duchess of Savoy gave the very next day an entertainment at La +Venerie, where all the ladies were invited. + +The Chevalier was so agreeable and diverting, that he made his mistress +almost die with laughing. Matta, in leading his lady to the coach, +squeezed her hand, and at their return from the promenade he begged +of her to pity his sufferings. Thus was proceeding rather too +precipitately, and although Madame de Senantes was not destitute of +the natural compassion of her sex, she nevertheless was shocked at the +familiarity of this treatment; she thought herself obliged to show some +degree of resentment, and pulling away her hand, which he had pressed +with still greater fervency upon this declaration, she went up to the +royal apartments without even looking at her new lover. Matta, never +thinking that he had offended her, suffered her to go, and went in +search of some company to sup with him: nothing was more easy for a man +of his disposition; he soon found what he wanted, sat a long time at +table to refresh himself after the fatigue, of love, and went to bed +completely satisfied that he had performed his part to perfection. + +During all this time the Chevalier de Grammont acquitted himself towards +Mademoiselle de Saint Germain with universal applause; and without +remitting his assiduities, he found means to shine, as they went +along, in the relation of a thousand entertaining anecdotes, which he +introduced in the general conversation. Her Royal Highness heard them +with pleasure, and the solitary Senantes likewise attended to them. He +perceived this, and quitted his mistress to inquire what she had done +with Matta. + +“I” said she, “I have done nothing with him; but I don’t know what he +would have done with me if I had been obliging enough to listen to his +most humble solicitations.” + +She then told him in what manner his friend had treated her the very +second day of their acquaintance. + +The Chevalier could not forbear laughing at it: he told her Matta was +rather too unceremonious, but yet she would like him better as their +intimacy more improved, and for her consolation he assured her that +he would have spoken in the same manner to her Royal Highness herself; +however, he would not fail to give him a severe reprimand. He went the +next morning into his room for that purpose; but Matta had gone out +early in the morning on a shooting party, in which he had been engaged +by his supper companions in the preceding evening. At his return he took +a brace of partridges and went to his mistress. Being asked whether he +wished to see the Marquis, he said no; and the Swiss telling him his +lady was not at home, he left his partridges, and desired him to present +them to his mistress from him. + +The Marchioness was at her toilet, and was decorating her head with +all the grace she could devise to captivate Matta, at the moment he was +denied admittance: she knew nothing of the matter; but her husband knew +every particular. He had taken it in dudgeon that the first visit was +not paid to him, and as he was resolved that it should not be paid to +his wife, the Swiss had received his orders, and had almost been beaten +for receiving the present which had been left. The partridges, however, +were immediately sent back, and Matta, without examining into the cause, +was glad to have them again. He went to court without ever changing +his clothes, or in the least considering he ought not to appear there +without his lady’s colours. He found her becomingly dressed; her eyes +appeared to him more than usually sparkling, and her whole person +altogether divine. He began from that day to be much pleased with +himself for his complaisance to the Chevalier de Grammont; however, +he could not help remarking that she looked but coldly upon him. This +appeared to him a very extraordinary return for his services, and, +imagining that she was unmindful of her weighty obligations to him, he +entered into conversation with her, and severely reprimanded her for +having sent back his partridges with so much indifference. + +She did not understand what he meant; and highly offended that he did +not apologize, after the reprimand which she concluded him to have +received, told him that he certainly had met with ladies of very +complying dispositions in his travels, as he seemed to give to himself +airs that she was by no means accustomed to endure. Matta desired to +know wherein he could be said to have given himself any. “Wherein?” + said she: “the second day that you honoured me with your attentions, you +treated me as if I had been your humble servant for a thousand years; +the first time that I gave you my hand you squeezed it as violently as +you were able. After this commencement of your courtship, I got into my +coach, and you mounted your horse; but instead of riding by the side of +the coach, as any reasonable gallant would have done, no sooner did a +hare start from her form, than you immediately galloped full speed after +her; having regaled yourself, during the promenade, by taking snuff, +without ever deigning to bestow a thought on me, the only proof you gave +me, on your return, that you recollected me, was by soliciting me to +surrender my reputation in terms polite enough, but very explicit. And +now you talk to me of having been shooting of partridges and of some +visit or other, which, I suppose, you have been dreaming of, as well as +of all the rest.” + +The Chevalier de Grammont now advanced, to the interruption of this +whimsical dialogue. Matta was rebuked for his forwardness, and his +friend took abundant pains to convince him that his conduct bordered +more upon insolence than familiarity. Matta endeavoured to exculpate +himself, but succeeded ill. His mistress took compassion upon him, +and consented to admit his excuses, for the manner, rather than his +repentance for the fact, and declared that it was the intention alone +which could either justify or condemn, in such cases; that it was +very easy to pardon those transgressions which arise from excess of +tenderness, but not such as proceeded from too great a presumption of +success. Matta swore that he only squeezed her hand from the violence +of his passion, and that he had been driven, by necessity, to ask her to +relieve it; that he was yet a novice in the arts of solicitation; that +he could not possibly think her more worthy of his affection, after a +month’s service, than at the present moment; and that he entreated her +to cast away an occasional thought upon him when her leisure admitted. +The Marchioness was not offended, she saw very well that she must +require an implicit conformity to the established rule of decorum, when +she had to deal with such a character; and the Chevalier de Grammont, +after this sort of reconciliation, went to look after his own affair +with Mademoiselle de St. Germain. + +His concern was not the offspring of mere good nature, nay, it was the +reverse; for no sooner did he perceive that the Marchioness looked with +an eye of favour upon him, than this conquest, appearing to him to be +more easy than the other, he thought it was prudent to take advantage of +it, for fear of losing the opportunity, and that he might not have spent +all his time to no purpose, in case he should prove unsuccessful with +the little St. Germain. + +In the mean time, in order to maintain that authority which he +had usurped over the conduct of his friend, he, that very evening, +notwithstanding what had been already said, reprimanded him for +presuming to appear at court in his morning suit, and without his +mistress’s badge; for not having had the wit or prudence to pay his +first visit to the Marquis de Senantes, instead of consuming his time, +to no purpose, in inquiries for the lady; and, to conclude, he asked him +what the devil he meant by presenting her with a brace of miserable red +partridges. “And why not?” said Matta: “ought they to have been blue, +too, to match the cockade and sword-knots you made me wear the other +day? Plague not me with your nonsensical whimsies: my life on it, in one +fortnight your equal in foppery and folly will not be found throughout +the confines of Turin; but, to reply to your questions, I did not call +upon Monsieur de Senantes, because I had nothing to do with him, and +because he is of a species of animals which I dislike, and always shall +dislike: as for you, you appear quite charmed with being decked out in +green ribands, with writing letters to your mistress, and filling your +pockets with citrons, pistachios, and such sort of stuff, with which you +are always cramming the poor girl’s mouth, in spite of her teeth: you +hope to succeed by chanting ditties composed in the days of Corisande +and of Henry IV., which you will swear yourself have made upon her: +happy in practising the ceremonials of gallantry, you have no ambition +for the essentials. Very well: every one has a particular way of +acting, as well as a particular taste: your’s is to trifle in love; +and, provided you can make Mademoiselle de St. Germain laugh, you are +satisfied: as for my part, I am persuaded, that women here are made of +the same materials as in other places; and I do not think that they can +be mightily offended, if one sometimes leaves off trifling, to come to +the point: however, if the Marchioness is not of this way of thinking, +she may e’en provide herself elsewhere; for I can assure her, that I +shall not long act the part of her squire.” + +This was an unnecessary menace; for the Marchioness in reality liked him +very well, was nearly of the same way of thinking herself, and wished +for nothing more than to put his gallantry to the test. But Matta +proceeded upon a wrong plan; he had conceived such an aversion for her +husband, that he could not prevail upon himself to make the smallest +advance towards his good graces. He was given to understand that he +ought to begin by endeavouring to lull the dragon to sleep, before he +could gain possession of the treasure; but this was all to no purpose, +though, at the same time, he could never see his mistress but in public. +This made him impatient, and as he was lamenting his ill-fortune to her +one day: “Have the goodness, madam,” said he, “to let me know where you +live: there is never a day that I do not call upon you, at least, three +or four times, without ever being blessed with a sight of you.” “I +generally sleep at home,” replied she, laughing; “but I must tell you, +that you will never find me there, if you do not first pay a visit +to the Marquis: I am not mistress of the house. I do not tell you,” + continued she, “that he is a man whose acquaintance any one would very +impatiently covet for his conversation: on the contrary, I agree that +his humour is fantastical, and his manners not of the pleasing cast; but +there is nothing so savage and inhuman, which a little care, attention, +and complaisance may not tame into docility. I must repeat to you some +verses upon the subject: I have got them by heart, because they contain +a little advice, which you may accommodate, if you please, to your own +case.” + + RONDEAU. + + Keep in mind these maxims rare, + You who hope to win the fair; + Who are, or would esteemed be, + The quintessence of gallantry. + + That fopp’ry, grinning, and grimace, + And fertile store of common-place; + That oaths as false as dicers swear, + And Wry teeth, and scented hair; + That trinkets, and the pride of dress, + Can only give your scheme success. + Keep in mind. + + Has thy charmer e’er an aunt? + Then learn the rules of woman’s cant, + And forge a tale, and swear you read it, + Such as, save woman, none would credit + Win o’er her confidante and pages + By gold, for this a golden age is; + And should it be her wayward fate, + To be encumbered with a mate, + A dull, old dotard should he be, + That dulness claims thy courtesy. + Keep in mind. + +“Truly,” said Matta, “the song may say what it pleases, but I cannot put +it in practice: your husband is far too exquisite a monster for me. Why, +what a plaguey odd ceremony do you require of us in this country, if we +cannot pay our compliments to the wife without being in love with the +husband!” + +The Marchioness was much offended at this answer; and as she thought she +had done enough in pointing out to him the path which would conduct him +to success, if he had deserved it, she did not think it worth while to +enter into any farther explanation; since he refused to cede, for her +salve, so trilling an objection: from this instant she resolved to have +done with him. + +The Chevalier de Grammont had taken leave of his mistress nearly at the +same time: the ardour of his pursuit was extinguished. It was not that +Mademoiselle de Saint Germain was less worthy than hitherto of his +attentions: on the contrary her attractions visibly increased: she +retired to her pillow with a thousand charms, and ever rose from it with +additional beauty the phrase of increasing in beauty as she increased +in years seemed to have been purposely made for her. The Chevalier could +not deny these truths, but yet he could not find his account in them: a +little less merit, with a little less discretion, would have been more +agreeable. He perceived that she attended to him with pleasure, that +she was diverted with his stories as much as he could wish, and that +she received his billets and presents without scruple; but then he +also discovered that she did not wish to proceed any farther. He had +exhausted every species of address upon her, and all to no purpose: +her attendant was gained: her family, charmed with the music of his +conversation and his great attention, were never happy without him: +in short, he had reduced to practice the advice contained in the +Marchioness’s song, and everything conspired to deliver the little Saint +Germain into his hands, if the little Saint Germain had herself been +willing: but alas! she was not inclined. It was in vain he told her the +favour he desired would cost her nothing; and that since these treasures +were rarely comprised in the fortune a lady brings with her in marriage, +she would never find any person, who, by unremitting tenderness, +unwearied attachment, and inviolable secrecy, would prove more worthy of +them than himself. He then told her no husband was ever able to convey +a proper idea of the sweets of love, and that nothing could be more +different than the passionate fondness of a lover, always tender, always +affectionate, yet always respectful, and the careless indifference of a +husband. + +Mademoiselle de Saint Germain, not wishing to take the matter in a +serious light, that she might not be forced to resent it, answered, that +since it was generally the custom in her country to marry, she thought +it was right to conform to it, without entering into the knowledge of +those distinctions, and those marvellous particulars, which she did not +very well understand, and of which she did not wish to have any further +explanation; that she had submitted to listen to him this one time, but +desired he would never speak to her again in the same strain, since +such sort of conversation was neither entertaining to her, nor could +be serviceable to him. Though no one was ever more facetious than +Mademoiselle de Saint Germain, she yet knew how to assume a very serious +air, when ever occasion required it. The Chevalier de Grammont soon saw +that she was in earnest; and finding it would cost him a great deal of +time to effect a change in her sentiments, he was so far cooled in this +pursuit, that he only made use of it to hide the designs he had upon the +Marchioness de Senantes. + +He found this lady much disgusted at Matta’s want of complaisance; and +his seeming contempt for her erased every favourable impression which +she had once entertained for him. While she was in this humour, the +Chevalier told her that her resentment was just; he exaggerated the +loss which his friend had sustained; he told her that her charms were +a thousand times superior to those of the little Saint Germain, and +requested that favour for himself which his friend did not deserve. +He was soon favourably heard upon this topic; and as soon as they were +agreed, they consulted upon two measures necessary to be taken, the +one to deceive her husband, the other his friend, which was not very +difficult: Matta was not at all suspicious: and the stupid Senantes, +towards whom the Chevalier had already behaved as Matta had refused to +do, could not be easy without him. This was much more than was wanted; +for as soon as ever the Chevalier was with the Marchioness, her husband +immediately joined them out of politeness; and on no account would have +left them alone together, for fear they should grow weary of each other +without him. + +Matta, who all this time was entirely ignorant that he was disgraced, +continued to serve his mistress in his own way. She had agreed with +the Chevalier de Grammont, that to all appearance everything should +be carried on as before; so that the court always believed that the +Marchioness only thought of Matta, and that the Chevalier was entirely +devoted to Mademoiselle de Saint Germain. + +There were very frequently little lotteries for trinkets: the Chevalier +de Grammont always tried his fortune, and was sometimes fortunate; and +under pretence of the prizes he had won, he bought a thousand things +which he indiscreetly gave to the Marchioness, and which she still more +indiscreetly accepted: the little Saint Germain very seldom received any +thing. There are meddling whisperers everywhere: remarks were made upon +these proceedings; and the same person that made them communicated them +likewise to Mademoiselle de Saint Germain. She pretended to laugh, but +in reality was piqued. It is a maxim religiously observed by the fair +sex, to envy each other those indulgences which themselves refuse. She +took this very ill of the Marchioness. On the other hand, Matta was +asked if he was not old enough to make his own presents himself to +the Marchioness de Senantes, without sending them by the Chevalier de +Grammont. This roused him; for of himself, he would never have perceived +it: his suspicions, however, were but slight, and he was willing to have +them removed. “I must confess,” said he to the Chevalier de Grammont, +“that they make love here quite in a new style; a man serves here +without reward: he addresses himself to the husband when he is in love +with the wife, and makes presents to another man’s mistress, to get +into the good graces of his own. The Marchioness is much obliged to you +for-----” + +“It is you who are obliged,” replied the Chevalier, “since thus was +done on your account: I was ashamed to find you had never yet thought +of presenting her with any trifling token of your attention: do you know +that the people of this court have such extraordinary notions, as to +think that it is rather owing to inadvertency that you never yet have +had the spirit to make your mistress the smallest present? For shame! +how ridiculous it is, that you can never think for yourself?” + +Matta took this rebuke, without making any answer, being persuaded that +he had in some measure deserved it: besides, he was neither sufficiently +jealous, nor sufficiently amorous, to think any more of it; however, +as it was necessary for the Chevalier’s affairs that Matta should be +acquainted with the Marquis de Senantes, he plagued him so much about +it, that at last he complied. His friend introduced him, and his +mistress seemed pleased with this proof of complaisance, though she +was resolved that he should gain nothing by it; and the husband, +being gratified with a piece of civility which he had long expected, +determined, that very evening, to give them a supper at a little country +seat of his, on the banks of the river, very near the city. + +The Chevalier de Grammont answering for them both, accepted the offer; +and as this was the only one Matta would not have refused from the +Marquis, he likewise consented. The Marquis came to convey them in his +carriage at the hour appointed; but he found only Matta. The Chevalier +had engaged himself to play, on purpose that they might go without him: +Matta was for waiting for him, so great was his fear of being left alone +with the Marquis; but the Chevalier having sent to desire them to go on +before, and that he would be with them as soon as he had finished his +game, poor Matta was obliged to set out with the man who, of all the +world, was most offensive to him. It was not the Chevalier’s intention +quickly to extricate Matta out of this embarrassment: he no sooner knew +that they were gone, than he waited on the Marchioness, under pretence +of still finding her husband, that they might all go together to supper. + +The plot was in a fair way; and as the Marchioness was of opinion that +Matta’s indifference merited no better treatment from her, she made no +scruple of acting her part in it: she therefore waited for the Chevalier +de Grammont with intentions so much the more favourable, as she had for +a long time expected him, and had some curiosity to receive a visit from +him in the absence of her husband. We may therefore suppose that this +first opportunity would not have been lost, if Mademoiselle de Saint +Germain had not unexpectedly come in, almost at the same time with the +Chevalier. + +She was more handsome and more entertaining that day than she had ever +been before; however, she appeared to them very ugly and very tiresome: +she soon perceived that her company was disagreeable, and being +determined that they should not be out of humour with her for nothing, +after having passed above a long half hour in diverting herself with +their uneasiness, and in playing a thousand monkey tricks, which she +plainly saw could never be more unseasonable, she pulled off her hood, +scarf, and all that part of her dress which ladies lay aside, when in a +familiar manner they intend to pass the day anywhere. The Chevalier de +Grammont cursed her in his heart, while she continued to torment him for +being in such ill-humour in such good company: at last the Marchioness, +who was as much vexed as he was, said rather drily that she was obliged +to wait on her Royal Highness: Mademoiselle de Saint Germain told her +that she would have the honour to accompany her, if it would not be +disagreeable: she took not the smallest notice of her offer; and the +Chevalier, finding that it would be entirely useless to prolong his +visit at that time, retired with a good grace. + +As soon as he had left the house, he sent one of his scouts to desire +the Marquis to sit down to table with his company without waiting +for him, because the game might not perhaps be finished as soon as he +expected, but that he would be with him before supper was over. Having +despatched this messenger, he placed a sentinel at the Marchioness’s +door, in hopes that the tedious Saint Germain might go out before her; +but this was in vain, for his spy came and told him, after an hour’s +impatience and suspense, that they were gone out together. He found +there was no chance of seeing her again that day, everything falling +out contrary to his wishes; he was forced therefore to leave the +Marchioness, and go in quest of the Marquis. + +While these things were going on in the city, Matta was not much +diverted in the country: as he was prejudiced against the Marquis, all +that he said displeased him: he cursed the Chevalier heartily for the +tete-a-tete which he had procured him; and he was upon the point of +going away, when he found that he was to sit down to supper without any +other company. + +However, as his host was very choice in his entertainments, and had +the best wine and the best cook in all Piedmont, the sight of the first +course appeased him; and eating most voraciously, without paying any +attention to the Marquis, he flattered himself that the supper would end +without any dispute; but he was mistaken. + +When the Chevalier de Grammont was at first endeavouring to bring +about an intercourse between the Marquis and Matta, he had given a very +advantageous character of the latter, to make the former more +desirous of his acquaintance; and in the display of a thousand other +accomplishments, knowing what an infatuation the Marquis had for the +very name of erudition, he assured him that Matta was one of the most +learned men in Europe. + +The Marquis, therefore, from the moment they sat down to supper, had +expected some stroke of learning from Matta, to bring his own into +play; but he was much out in his reckoning; no one had read less, no one +thought less, and no one had ever spoken so little at an entertainment +as he had done as he did not wish to enter into conversation, he opened +his mouth only to eat, or ask for wine. + +The other, being offended at a silence which appeared to him affected, +and wearied with having uselessly attacked him upon other subjects, +thought he might get something out of him by changing the discourse of +love and gallantry; and therefore, to begin the subject, he accosted him +in this manner: + +“Since you are my wife’s gallant--” “I!” said Matta who wished to carry +it discreetly: “those who told you so, told a damned lie.” “Zounds, +sir,” said the Marquis, “you speak in a tone which does not at +all become you; for I would have you to know, notwithstanding your +contemptuous airs, that the Marchioness de Senantes is perhaps as worthy +of your attentions as any of your French ladies, and that I have known +some greatly your superiors, who have thought it an honour to serve +her.” “Very well,” said Matta, “I think she is very deserving, and since +you insist upon it, I am her servant and gallant, to oblige you.” + +“You think, perhaps,” continued the other, “that the same custom +prevails in this country as in your own, and that the ladies have +lovers, with no other intentions than to grant them favours: undeceive +yourself if you please, and know, likewise, that even if such events +were frequent in this court, I should not be at all uneasy.” “Nothing +can be more civil,” said Matta; “but wherefore would you not?” “I will +tell you why,” replied he: “I am well acquainted with the affection my +wife entertains for me: I am acquainted with her discretion towards all +the world; and, what is more, I am acquainted with my own merit.” + +“You have a most uncommon acquaintance then,” replied Matta; “I +congratulate you upon it; I have the honour to drink it in a bumper.” + The Marquis pledged him; but seeing that the conversation dropped on +their ceasing to drink, after two or three healths, he wished to make a +second attempt, and attack Matta on his strong side, that is to say, on +his learning. + +He desired him, therefore, to tell him, at what time he thought the +Allobroges came to settle in Piedmont. Matta, who wished him and his +Allobroges at the devil, said, that it must be in the time of the civil +wars. “I doubt that,” said the other. “Just as you like,” said Matta. +“Under what consulate?” replied the Marquis: “Under that of the League,” + said Matta, “when the Guises brought the Lansquenets into France; but +what the devil does that signify?” + +The Marquis was tolerably warm, and naturally savage, so that God knows +how the conversation would have ended, if the Chevalier de Grammont had +not unexpectedly come in to appease them. It was some time before he +could find out what their debate was; for the one had forgotten the +questions, and the other the answers, which had disobliged him, in order +to reproach the Chevalier with his eternal passion for play, which made +him always uncertain. The Chevalier, who knew that he was still more +culpable than they thought, bore it all with patience, and condemned +himself more than they desired: this appeased them; and the +entertainment ended with greater tranquillity than it had begun. The +conversation was again reduced to order; but he could not enliven it as +he usually did. He was in very ill humour, and as he pressed them every +minute to rise from table, the Marquis was of opinion that he had lost +a great deal. Matta said, on the contrary, that he had won; but for want +of precautions had made perhaps an unfortunate retreat; and asked him if +he had not stood in need of Serjeant La Place, with his ambuscade. + +This piece of history was beyond the comprehension of the Marquis, and +being afraid that Matta might explain it, the Chevalier changed the +discourse, and was for rising from table; but Matta would not consent +to it. This effected a reconciliation between him and the Marquis, who +thought this was a piece of civility intended for him; however, it was +not for him, but for his wine, to which Matta had taken a prodigious +liking. + +The Duchess, who knew the character of the Marquis, was charmed with the +account which the Chevalier de Grammont gave her of the entertainment +and conversation: she sent for Matta to know the truth of it from +himself: he confessed, that before the Allobroges were mentioned the +Marquis was for quarrelling with him, because he was not in love with +his wife. + +Their acquaintance having begun in this manner, all the esteem which +the Marquis had formerly expressed for the Chevalier seemed now directed +towards Matta: he went every day to pay Matta a visit, and Matta was +every day with his wife. This did not at all suit the Chevalier: he +repented of his having chid Matta, whose assiduity now interrupted all +his schemes; and the Marchioness was still more embarrassed. Whatever +wit a man may have, it will never please where his company is disliked; +and she repented that she had been formerly guilty of some trifling +advances towards him. + +Matta began to find charms in her person, and might have found the same +in her conversation, if she had been inclined to display them; but it +is impossible to be in good humour with persons who thwart our designs. +While his passion increased, the Chevalier de Grammont was solely +occupied in endeavouring to find out some method, by which he might +accomplish his intrigue; and this was the stratagem which he put in +execution to clear the coast, by removing, at one and the same time, +both the lover and the husband. + +He told Matta, that they ought to invite the Marquis to supper at their +lodgings, and he would take upon himself to provide everything proper +for the occasion. Matta desired to know if it was to play at quinze, and +assured him that he should take care to render abortive any intention +he might have to engage in play, and leave him alone with the greatest +blockhead in all Europe. The Chevalier de Grammont did not entertain +any such thought, being persuaded that it would be impossible to take +advantage of any such opportunity, in whatever manner he might take his +measures, and that they would seek for him in every corner of the +city rather than allow him the least repose: his whole attention was +therefore employed in rendering the entertainment agreeable, in finding +out means of prolonging it, in order ultimately to kindle some dispute +between the Marquis and Matta. For this purpose he put himself in the +best humour in the world, and the wine produced the same effect on the +rest of the company. + +The Chevalier de Grammont expressed his concern, that he had not been +able to give the Marquis a little concert, as he had intended in the +morning; for the musicians had been all pre-engaged. Upon this the +Marquis undertook to have them at his country-house the following +evening, and invited the same company to sup with him there. Matta asked +what the devil they wanted with music, and maintained that it was of no +use on such occasions but for women who had something to say to their +lovers, while the fiddles prevented them from being overheard, or for +fools who had nothing to say when the music ended. They ridiculed all +his arguments: the party was fixed for the next day, and the music was +voted by the majority of voices. The Marquis, to console Matta, as well +as to do honour to the entertainment, toasted a great many healths: +Matta was more ready to listen to his arguments on this topic than in +a dispute; but the Chevalier, perceiving that a little would irritate +them, desired nothing more earnestly than to see them engaged in some +new controversy. It was in vain that he had from time to time started +some subject of discourse with this intention; but having luckily +thought of asking what was his lady’s maiden name, Senantes, who was a +great genealogist, as all fools are who have good memories, immediately +began by tracing out her family, by an endless confused string of +lineage. The Chevalier seemed to listen to him with great attention; +and perceiving that Matta was almost out of patience, he desired him to +attend to what the Marquis was saying, for that nothing could be more +entertaining. “All this may be very true,” said Matta; “but for my part, +I must confess, if I were married, I should rather choose to inform +myself who was the real father of my children, than who were my wife’s +grand fathers.” The Marquis, smiling at this rudeness, did not leave off +until he had traced back the ancestors of his spouse, from line to line, +as far as Yolande de Senantes: after this he offered to prove, in less +than half an hour, that the Grammonts came originally from Spain. “Very +well,” said Matta, “and pray what does it signify to us from whence the +Grammonts are descended? Do not you know, sir, that it is better to know +nothing at all, than to know too much?” + +The Marquis maintained the contrary with great warmth, and was preparing +a formal argument to prove that an ignorant man is a fool; but the +Chevalier de Grammont, who was thoroughly acquainted with Matta saw very +clearly that he would send the logician to the devil before he should +arrive at the conclusion of his syllogism: for which reason, interposing +as soon as they began to raise their voices, he told them it was +ridiculous to quarrel about an affair in itself so trivial, and +treated the matter in a serious light, that it might make the greater +impression. Thus supper terminated peaceably, owing to the care he took +to suppress all disputes, and to substitute plenty of wine in their +stead. + +The next day Matta went to the chase, the Chevalier de Grammont to +the bagnio, and the Marquis to his country house. While the latter was +making the necessary preparations for his guests, not forgetting the +music, and Matta pursuing his game to get an appetite, the Chevalier was +meditating on the execution of his project. + +As soon as he had regulated his plan of operations in his own mind, he +privately sent anonymous intelligence to the officer of the guard at the +palace that the Marquis de Senantes had had some words with Monsieur de +Matta the preceding night at supper; that the one had gone out in the +morning; and the other could not be found in the city. + +Madame Royale, alarmed at this advice, immediately sent for the +Chevalier de Grammont: he appeared surprised when her highness mentioned +the affair: he confessed, indeed, that some high words had passed +between them, but that he did not believe either of them would have +remembered them the next day. He said that if no mischief had yet taken +place, the best way would be to secure them both until the morning, and +that if they could be found, he would undertake to reconcile them, and +to obliterate all grievances: in this there was no great difficulty. +On inquiry at the Marquis’s they were informed that he was gone to his +country-house: there certainly he was, and there they found him; the +officer put him under an arrest, without assigning any reason for so +doing, and left him in very great surprise. + +Immediately upon Matta’s return from hunting, her Royal Highness sent +the same officer to desire him to give her his word that he would not +stir out that evening. This compliment very much surprised him, more +particularly as no reason was assigned for it. He was expected at a good +entertainment he was dying with hunger, and nothing appeared to him more +unreasonable than to oblige him to stay at home, in a situation like the +present; but he had given his word, and not knowing to what this might +tend, his only resource was to send for his friend; but his friend did +not come to him until his return from the country. He had there found +the Marquis in the midst of his fiddlers, and very much vexed to find +himself a prisoner in his own house on account of Matta, whom he was +waiting for in order to feast him: he complained of him bitterly to +the Chevalier de Grammont: he said that he did not believe that he had +offended him; but that, since he was very desirous of a quarrel, he +desired the Chevalier to acquaint him, if he felt the least displeasure +on the present occasion, he should, on the very first opportunity, +receive what is called satisfaction. The Chevalier de Grammont assured +him that no such thought had ever entered the mind of Matta; that on the +contrary, he knew that he very greatly esteemed him; that all this could +alone arise from the extreme tenderness of his lady, who, being alarmed +upon the report of the servants who waited at table, must have gone to +her Royal Highness, in order to prevent any unpleasant consequences; +that he thought this the more probable, as he had often told the +Marchioness, when speaking of Matta, that he was the best swordsman +in France; for, in truth, the poor gentleman had never fought without +having the misfortune of killing his man. + +The Marquis, being a little pacified, said he was very much obliged +to him, that he would severely chide his wife for her unseasonable +tenderness, and that he was extremely desirous of again enjoying the +pleasure of his dear friend Matta’s company. + +The Chevalier de Grammont assured him that he would use all his +endeavours for that purpose, and at the same time gave strict charge +to his guard not to let him escape without orders from the Court, as he +seemed fully bent upon fighting, and they would be responsible for him: +there was no occasion to say more to have him strictly watched, though +there was no necessity for it. + +One being thus safely lodged, his next step was to secure the other: he +returned immediately to town: and as soon as Matta saw him, “What the +devil,” said he, “is the meaning of this farce which I am obliged +to act? for my part, I cannot understand the foolish customs of this +country; how comes it that they make me a prisoner upon my parole?” “How +comes it?” said the Chevalier de Grammont, “it is because you yourself +are far more unaccountable than all their customs; you cannot help +disputing with a peevish fellow, whom you ought only to laugh at; +some officious footman has no doubt been talking of your last night’s +dispute; you were seen to go out of town in the morning, and the Marquis +soon after; was not this sufficient to make her Royal Highness think +herself obliged to take these precautions? The Marquis is in custody; +they have only required your parole; so far, therefore, from taking +the affair in the sense you do, I should send very humbly to thank her +Highness for the kindness she has manifested towards you in putting +you under arrest, since it is only on your account that she interests +herself in the affair. I shall take a walk to the palace, where I will +endeavour to unravel this mystery; in the mean time, as there is but +little probability that the matter should be settled this evening, +you would do well to order supper; for I shall come back to you +immediately.” + +Matta charged him not to fail to express to her Royal Highness the +grateful sense he had of her favour, though in truth he as little feared +the Marquis as he loved him; and it is impossible to express the degree +of his fortitude in stronger terms. + +The Chevalier de Grammont returned in about half an hour, with two or +three gentlemen whom Matta had got acquainted with at the chase, and +who, upon the report of the quarrel, waited upon him, and each offered +him separately his services against the unassisted and pacific Marquis. +Matta having returned them his thanks, insisted upon their staying +supper, and put on his robe de chambre. + +As soon as the Chevalier de Grammont perceived that every thing +coincided with his wishes, and that towards the end of the entertainment +the toasts went merrily round, he knew he was sure of his man till +next day: then taking him aside with the permission of the company, and +making use of a false confidence in order to disguise a real treachery, +he acquainted him, after having sworn him several times to secrecy, that +he had at last prevailed upon the little Saint Germain to grant him an +interview that night; for which reason he would take his leave, under +pretence of going to play at Court; he therefore desired him fully +to satisfy the company that he would not have left them on any other +account, as the Piedmontese are naturally mistrustful. Matta promised he +would manage this point with discretion; that he would make an apology +for him, and that there was no occasion for his personally taking leave: +then, after congratulating him upon the happy posture of his affairs, he +sent him away with all the expedition and secrecy imaginable; so great +was his fear lest his friend should lose the present opportunity. + +Matta then returned to the company, much pleased with the confidence +which had been placed in him, and with the share he had in the success +of this adventure. He put himself into the best humour imaginable in +order to divert the attention of his guests; he severely satirised +those, whose rage for gaming induced them to sacrifice to it every other +consideration; he loudly ridiculed the folly of the Chevalier upon this +article, and secretly laughed at the credulity of the Piedmontese, whom +he had deceived with so much ingenuity. + +It was late at night before the company broke up, and Matta went to bed, +very well satisfied with what he had done for his friend; and, if we may +credit appearances, this friend enjoyed the fruit of his perfidy. The +amorous Marchioness received him like one who wished to enhance the +value of the favour she bestowed; her charms were far from being +neglected; and if there are any circumstances in which we may detest the +traitor while we profit by the treason, this was not one of them; and +however successful the Chevalier de Grammont was in his intrigues, it +was not owing to him that the contrary was not believed; but, be that +as it may, being convinced that in love whatever is gained by address +is gained fairly, it does not appear that he ever showed the smallest +degree of repentance for this trick. But it is now time for its to take +him from the court of Savoy, to see him shine in that of France. + + + + +CHAPTER FIFTH. HE RETURNS TO THE COURT OF FRANCE--HIS ADVENTURES AT THE +SIEGE OF ARRAS--HIS REPLY TO CARDINAL MAZARIN--HE IS BANISHED THE COURT + + +The Chevalier de Grammont, upon his return to France, sustained, with +the greatest success, the reputation he had acquired abroad: alert in +play, active and vigilant in love; sometimes successful, and always +feared, in his intrigues; in war alike prepared for the events of good +or ill fortune; possessing an inexhaustible fund of pleasantry in the +former, and full of expedients and dexterity in the latter. + +Zealously attached to the Prince de Conde from inclination, he was a +witness, and, if we may be allowed to say it, his companion, in the +glory he had acquired at the celebrated battles of Lens, Norlinguen, and +Fribourg; and the details he so frequently gave of them were far from +diminishing their lustre. + + [Louis of Bourbon, Duke d’Enghien, afterwards, by the death of his + father in 1656, Prince de Conde. Of this great man Cardinal de Retz + says, “He was born a general, which never happened but to Caesar, to + Spinola, and to himself. He has equalled the first: he has + surpassed the second. Intrepidity is one of the least shining + strokes in his character. Nature had formed him with a mind as + great as his courage. Fortune, in setting him out in a time of + wars, has given this last a full extent to work in: his birth, or + rather his education, in a family devoted and enslaved to the court, + has kept the first within too straight bounds. He was not taught + time enough the great and general maxims which alone are able to + form men to think always consistently. He never had time to learn + them of himself, because he was prevented from his youth, by the + great affairs that fell unexpectedly to his share, and by the + continual success he met with. This defect in him was the cause, + that with the soul in the world the least inclined to evil, he has + committed injuries; that with the heart of an Alexander, he has, + like him, had his failings; that with a wonderful understanding, he + has acted imprudently; that having all the qualities which the Duke + Francis of Guise had, he has not served the state in some occasions + so well as he ought; and that having likewise having all the + qualities of the Duke Henry of Guise, he has not carried faction so + far as he might. He could not come up to the height of his merit; + which, though it be a defect, must yet be owned to be very uncommon, + and only to be found in persons of the greatest abilities.”] + +So long as he had only some scruples of conscience, and a thousand +interests to sacrifice, he quitted all to follow a man, whom strong +motives and resentments, which in some manner appeared excusable, had +withdrawn from the paths of rectitude: he adhered to him in his first +disgrace, with a constancy of which there are few examples; but he could +not submit to the injuries which he afterwards received, and which such +an inviolable attachment so little merited. Therefore, without fearing +any reproach for a conduct which sufficiently justified itself, as he +had formerly deviated from his duty by entering into the service of the +Prince de Conde, he thought he had a right to leave him to return again +to his duty. + +His peace was soon made at Court, where many, far more culpable than +himself, were immediately received into favour, when they desired it; +for the queen, still terrified at the dangers into which the civil wars +had plunged the State at the commencement of her regency, endeavoured by +lenient measures to conciliate the minds of the people. + + [Anne of Austria, daughter of Philip III. of Spain, widow of Louis + XIII., to whom she was married in 1615, and mother of Louis XIV. + She died in 1666. Cardinal de Retz speaks of her in the following + terms. “The queen had more than anybody whom I ever knew, of that + sort of wit which was necessary for her not to appear a fool to + those that did not know her. She had in her more of harshness than + haughtiness; more of haughtiness than of greatness; more of outward + appearance than reality; more regard to money than liberality; more + of liberality than of self-interest; more of self-interest than + disinterestedness: she was more tied to persons by habit than by + affection; she had more of insensibility than of cruelty; she had a + better memory for injuries than for benefits; her intention towards + piety was greater than her piety; she had in her more of obstinacy + than of firmness; and more incapacity than of all the rest which I + mentioned before.” Memoirs, vol. i., p. 247.] + +The policy of the minister was neither sanguinary nor revengeful: his +favourite maxim was rather to appease the minds of the discontented by +lenity, than to have recourse to violent measures; to be content with +losing nothing by the war, without being at the expense of gaining any +advantage from the enemy; to suffer his character to be very severely +handled, provided he could amass much wealth, and to spin out the +minority to the greatest possible extent. + + [Cardinal Mazarin, who, during a few of the latter years of his + life, governed France. He died at Vincennes the 9th of March 1661, + aged 59 years, leaving as heir to his name and property the Alarquis + de la Meilleray, who married his niece, and took the title of Duke + of Mazarin. On his death, Louis XIV. and the court appeared in + mourning, an honour not common, though Henry IV. had shewn it to the + memory of Gabrielle d’Estrees. Voltaire, who appears unwilling to + ascribe much ability to the cardinal, takes an opportunity, on + occasion of his death, to make the following observation. + --“We cannot refrain from combating the opinion, which supposes + prodigious abilities, and a genius almost divine, in those who have + governed empires with some degree of success. It is not a superior + penetration that makes statesmen; it is their character. All men, + how inconsiderable soever their share of sense may be, see their own + interest nearly alike. A citizen of Bern or Amsterdam, in this + respect, is equal to Sejanus, Ximenes, Buckingham, Richelieu, or + Mazarin; but our conduct and our enterprises depend absolutely on + our natural dispositions, and our success depends upon fortune.” + Age of Louis XIV., chap. 5.] + +His avidity to heap up riches was not alone confined to the thousand +different means, with which he was furnished by his authority, and the +situation in which he was placed: his whole pursuit was gain: he was +naturally fond of gaming; but he only played to enrich himself, and +therefore, whenever he found an opportunity, he cheated. + +As he found the Chevalier de Grammont possessed a great deal of wit, and +a great deal of money, he was a man according to his wishes, and soon +became one of his set. The Chevalier soon perceived the artfulness and +dishonesty of the Cardinal, and thought it was allowable in him to put +in practice those talents which he had received from nature, not only in +his own defence, but even to attack him whenever an opportunity offered. +This would certainly be the place to mention these particulars; but who +can describe them with such ease and elegance as maybe expected by +those who have heard his own relation of them? Vain is the attempt to +endeavour to transcribe these entertaining anecdotes: their spirit seems +to evaporate upon paper; and in whatever light they are exposed the +delicacy of their colouring and their beauty is lost. + +It is, then, enough to say, that upon all occasions where address was +reciprocally employed, the Chevalier gained the advantage; and that if +he paid his court badly to the minister, he had the consolation to find, +that those who suffered themselves to be cheated, in the end gained no +great advantage from their complaisance; for they always continued in +an abject submission, while the Chevalier de Grammont, on a thousand +different occasions, never put himself under the least restraint. Of +which the following is one instance: + +The Spanish army, commanded by the Prince de Conde and the +archduke,--[Leopold, brother of the Emperor Ferdinand the +III.]--besieged Arras. The Court was advanced as far as Peronne.--[A +little bat strong town, standing among marshes on the river Somme, in +Picardy.]--The enemy, by the capture of this place, would have procured +a reputation for their army of which they were in great need; as the +French, for a considerable time past, had evinced a superiority in every +engagement. + +The Prince supported a tottering party, as far as their usual inactivity +and irresolution permitted him; but as in the events of war it is +necessary to act independently on some occasions, which, if once +suffered to escape, can never be retrieved; for want of this power +it frequently happened that his great abilities were of no avail. +The Spanish infantry had never recovered itself since the battle of +Rocroy;--[This famous battle was fought and won 19th May, 1643, five +days after the death of Louis XIII.]--and he who had ruined them by +that victory, by fighting against them, was the only man who now, by +commanding their army, was capable of repairing the mischief he had done +them. But the jealousy of the generals, and the distrust attendant upon +their counsels, tied up his hands. + +Nevertheless, the siege of Arras was vigorously carried on. + + [Voltaire observes, that it was the fortune of Turenne and Conde + to be always victorious when they fought at the head of the French, + and to be vanquished when they commanded the Spaniards. This was + Conde’s fate before Arras, August 25, 1654, when he and the archduke + besieged that city. Turenne attacked them in their camp, and forced + their lines: the troops of the archduke were cut to pieces; and + Conde, with two regiments of French and Lorrainers, alone sustained + the efforts of Turenne’s army; and, while the archduke was flying, + he defeated the Marshal de Hoquincourt, repulsed the Marshal de la + Ferte, and retreated victoriously himself, by covering the retreat + of the vanquished Spaniards. The king of Spain, in his letter to + him after this engagement, had these words: “I have been informed + that everything was lost, and that you have recovered everything.”] + +The Cardinal was very sensible how dishonourable it would be to suffer +this place to be taken under his nose, and almost in sight of the king. +On the other hand, it was very hazardous to attempt its relief, the +Prince de Conde being a man who never neglected the smallest precaution +for the security of his lines; and if lines are attacked and not forced, +the greatest danger threatens the assailants. For, the more furious the +assault, the greater is the disorder in the retreat; and no man in the +world knew so well as the Prince de Conde how to make the best use of an +advantage. The army, commanded by Monsieur de Turenne, was considerably +weaker than that of the enemy; it was, likewise, the only resource they +had to depend upon. If this army was defeated, the loss of Arras was not +the only misfortune to be dreaded. + +The Cardinal, whose genius was happily adapted to such junctures, where +deceitful negotiations could extricate him out of difficulties, was +filled with terror at the sight of imminent danger, or of a decisive +event: he was of opinion to lay siege to some other place, the capture +of which might prove an indemnification for the loss of Arras; but +Monsieur de Turenne, who was altogether of a different opinion from the +Cardinal, resolved to march towards the enemy, and did not acquaint him +with his intentions until he was upon his march. The courier arrived in +the midst of his distress, and redoubled his apprehensions and alarms; +but there was then no remedy. + +The Marshal, whose great reputation had gained him the confidence of the +troops, had determined upon his measures before an express order from +the Court could prevent him. This was one of those occasions in which +the difficulties you encounter heighten the glory of success. Though the +general’s capacity, in some measure, afforded comfort to the Court, they +nevertheless were upon the eve of an event, which in one way or other +must terminate both their hopes and their fears while the rest of +the courtiers were giving various opinions concerning the issue, +the Chevalier de Grammont determined to be an eye-witness of it; a +resolution which greatly surprised the court; for those who had seen as +many actions as he had, seemed to be exempted from such eagerness; but +it was in vain that his friends opposed his resolutions. + +The king was pleased with his intention; and the queen appeared no less +satisfied. He assured her that he would bring her good news; and she +promised to embrace him, if he was as good as his word. The Cardinal +made the same promise: to the latter, however, he did not pay much +attention; yet he believed it sincere, because the keeping of it would +cost him nothing. + +He set out in the dusk of the evening with Caseau, whom Monsieur de +Turenne had sent express to their majesties. The Duke of York, and the +Marquis d’Humieres, commanded under the Marshal: the latter was upon +duty when the Chevalier arrived, it being scarce daylight. The Duke of +York did not at first recollect him; but the Marquis d’Humieres, running +to him with open arms, “I thought,” said he, “if any man came from +court to pay us a visit upon such an occasion as this, it would be the +Chevalier de Grammont. Well,” continued he, “what are they doing at +Peronne?” + + [Louis de Crevans, Marechal of France. He died 1694. Voltaire says + of him, that he was the first who, at the siege of Arras, in 1658, + was served in silver in the trenches, and had ragouts and entremets + served up to his table.] + +“They are in great consternation,” replied the Chevalier. “And what do +they think of us?” “They think,” said he, “that if you beat the Prince, +you will do no more than your duty; if you are beaten, they will +think you fools and madmen, thus to have risked everything, without +considering the consequences.” “Truly,” said the Marquis, “you bring +us very comfortable news. Will you now go to Monsieur de Turenne’s +quarters, to acquaint him with it; or will you choose rather to repose +yourself in mine? for you have been riding post all last night, and +perhaps did not experience much rest in the preceding.” “Where have you +heard that the Chevalier de Grammont had ever any occasion for sleep?” + replied he: “Only order me a horse, that I may have the honour to attend +the Duke of York; for, most likely, he is not in the field so early, +except to visit some posts.” + +The advanced guard was only at cannon shot from that of the enemy. +As soon as they arrived there, “I should like,” said the Chevalier +de Grammont, “to advance as far as the sentry which is posted on that +eminence: I have some friends and acquaintance in their army, whom +I should wish to inquire after: I hope the Duke of York will give me +permission.” At these words he advanced. The sentry, seeing him come +forward directly to his post, stood upon his guard the Chevalier stopped +as soon as he was within shot of him. The sentry answered the sign +which was made to him, and made another to the officer, who had begun to +advance as soon as he had seen the Chevalier come forward, and was soon +up with him; but seeing the Chevalier de Grammont alone, he made no +difficulty to let him approach. He desired leave of this officer to +inquire after some relations he had in their army, and at the same time +asked if the Duke d’Arscot was at the siege. “Sir,” said he, “there he +is, just alighted under those trees, which you see on the left of our +grand guard: it is hardly a minute since he was here with the Prince +d’Aremberg, his brother, the Baron de Limbec, and Louvigny.” “May I +see them upon parole?” said the Chevalier. “Sir,” said he, “if I were +allowed to quit my post, I would do myself the honour of accompanying +you thither; but I will send to acquaint them, that the Chevalier de +Grammont desires to speak to them:” and, after having despatched one +of his guard towards them, he returned. “Sir,” said the Chevalier de +Grammont, “may I take the liberty to inquire how I came to be known to +you?” “Is it possible,” said the other, “that the Chevalier de Grammont +should forget La Motte, who had the honour to serve so long in his +regiment?” “What! is it you, my good friend, La Motte? Truly, I was to +blame for not remembering you, though you are in a dress very different +from that which I first saw you in at Bruxelles, when you taught the +Duchess of Guise to dance the triolets: and I am afraid your affairs are +not in so flourishing a condition as they were the campaign after I had +given you the company you mention.” They were talking in this manner, +when the Duke d’Arscot, followed by the gentlemen above mentioned, came +up on full gallop. The Chevalier de Grammont was saluted by the whole +company before he could say a word. Soon after arrived an immense number +of others of his acquaintance, with many people, out of curiosity, on +both sides, who, seeing him upon the eminence, assembled together with +the greatest eagerness; so that the two armies, without design, without +truce, and without fraud, were going to join in conversation, if, by +chance, Monsieur de Turenne had not perceived it at a distance. The +sight surprised him: he hastened that way; and the Marquis d’Humieres +acquainted him with the arrival of the Chevalier de Grammont, who wished +to speak to the sentry before he went to the headquarters: he added, +that he could not comprehend how the devil he had managed to assemble +both armies around him, for it was hardly a minute since he had left +him. “Truly,” said Monsieur de Turenne, “he is a very extraordinary man; +but it is only reasonable that he should let us now have a little of his +company, since he has paid his first visit to the enemy.” At these words +he despatched an aide-de-camp, to recal the officers of his army, and to +acquaint the Chevalier de Grammont with his impatience to see him. + +This order arrived at the same time, with one of the same nature, to the +enemy’s officers. The Prince de Conde, being informed of this peaceable +interview, was not the least surprised at it, when he heard that it was +occasioned by the arrival of the Chevalier de Grammont. He only gave +Lussan orders to recal the officers, and to desire the Chevalier to meet +him at the same place the next day; which the Chevalier promised to do, +provided Monsieur de Turenne should approve of it, as he made no doubt +he would. + +His reception in the king’s army was equally agreeable as that which he +had experienced from the enemy. Monsieur de Turenne esteemed him no less +for his frankness than for the poignancy of his wit: he took it very +kindly that he was the only courtier who came to see him in a time so +critical as the present: the questions which he asked him about the +court were not so much for information, as to divert himself with +his manner of relating their different apprehensions and alarms. The +Chevalier de Grammont advised him to beat the enemy, if he did not +choose to be answerable for an enterprise which he had undertaken +without consulting the Cardinal. Monsieur de Turenne promised him he +would exert himself to the utmost to follow his advice, and assured him, +that if he succeeded, he would make the queen keep her word with him; +and concluded with saying, that he was not sorry the Prince de Conde +had expressed a desire to see him. His measures were taken for an +attack upon the lines: on this subject he discoursed in private with the +Chevalier de Grammont, and concealed nothing from him except the time +of execution: but this was all to no purpose; for the Chevalier had seen +too much, not to judge, from his own knowledge, and the observations he +had made, that from the situation of the army, the attack could be no +longer deferred. + +He set out the next day for his rendezvous, attended by a trumpet, and +found the Prince at the place which Monsieur de Lussan had described to +him the evening before. As soon as he alighted: “Is it possible,” said +the Prince, embracing him, “that this can be the Chevalier de Grammont, +and that I should see him in the contrary party?” “It is you, my lord, +whom I see there,” replied the Chevalier, “and I refer it to yourself, +whether it was the fault of the Chevalier de Grammont, or your own, that +we now embrace different interests.” “I must confess,” said the Prince, +“that if there are some who have abandoned me like base ungrateful +wretches, you have left me, as I left myself, like a man of honour, who +thinks himself in the right: but let us forget all cause of resentment, +and tell me what was your motive for coming here, you, whom I thought at +Peronne with the court.” “Must I tell you?” said he: “why, faith then, +I came to save your life. I know that you cannot help being in the midst +of the enemy in a day of battle; it is only necessary for your horse +to be shot under you, and to be taken in arms, to meet with the same +treatment from this Cardinal, as your uncle Montmorency did from the +other. + + [Henry, Duke of Montmorency, who was taken prisoner first September, + 1692, and had his head struck off at Toulouse in the month of + November following.] + +“I come, therefore, to hold a horse in readiness for you, in case of +a similar misfortune, that you may not lose your head.” “It is not the +first time,” said the Prince, smiling, “that you have rendered me this +service, though the being taken prisoner at that time could not have +been so dangerous to me as now.” + +From this conversation, they passed to more entertaining subjects. The +Prince asked him many questions concerning the court, the ladies, play, +and about his amours; and returning insensibly to the present situation +of affairs, the Chevalier having inquired after some officers of his +acquaintance, who had remained with him, the Prince told him that if he +chose, he might go to the lines, where he would have an opportunity +not only of seeing those whom he inquired after, but likewise the +disposition of the quarters and entrenchments. To this he consented, and +the Prince having shown him all the works and attended him back to their +rendezvous, “Well, Chevalier,” said he, “when do you think we shall see +you again?” “Faith,” replied he, “you have used me so handsomely, that +I shall conceal nothing from you. Hold yourself in readiness an hour +before daybreak; for, you may depend upon it, we shall attack you +to-morrow morning. I would not have acquainted you with this, perhaps, +had I been entrusted with the secret, but, nevertheless, in the present +case you may believe me.” “You are still the same man,” said the Prince, +again embracing him. The Chevalier returned to Monsieur de Turenne’s +camp towards night; every preparation was then making for the attack of +the lines, and it was no longer a secret among the troops. + +“Well, Monsieur le Chevalier, were they all very glad to see you?” + said Monsieur de Turenne; “the Prince, no doubt, received you with the +greatest kindness, and asked a great number of questions?” “He has +shown me all the civility imaginable,” replied the Chevalier; “and, to +convince me he did not take me for a spy, he led me round the lines +and entrenchments, and showed me the preparations he had made for +your reception.” “And what is his opinion?” said the Marshal. “He is +persuaded that you will attack him to-night, or to-morrow by daybreak; +for you great captains,” continued the Chevalier, “see through each +other’s designs in a wonderful manner.” + +Monsieur de Turenne, with pleasure, received this commendation from +a man who was not indiscriminately accustomed to bestow praise. He +communicated to him the disposition of the attack; and at the same time +acquainted him, that he was very happy that a man who had seen so many +actions was to be present at this; and that he esteemed it no small +advantage to have the benefit of his advice, but as he believed that the +remaining part of the night would be hardly sufficient for his repose, +after having passed the former without any refreshment, he consigned him +to the Marquis d’Humieres, who provided him with a supper and a lodging. + +The next day the lines of Arras were attacked, wherein Monsieur de +Turenne, being victorious, added additional lustre to his former glory; +and the Prince de Conde, though vanquished, lost nothing of his former +reputation. + +There are so many accounts of this celebrated battle, that to mention it +here would be altogether superfluous. The Chevalier de Grammont, who, +as a volunteer, was permitted to go into every part, has given a better +description of it than any other person. Monsieur de Turenne reaped +great advantage from that activity which never forsook the Chevalier +either in peace or war; and that presence of mind which enabled him to +carry orders, as coming from the general, so very apropos, that Monsieur +de Turenne, otherwise very particular in such matters, thanked him, when +the battle was over, in the presence of all his officers, and despatched +him to court with the first news of his success. + +All that is generally necessary in these expeditions, is to be +accustomed to hard riding, and to be well provided with fresh horses, +but he had a great many other obstacles to surmount. In the first +place, the parties of the enemy were dispersed over all the country, +and obstructed his passage. Then he had to prepare against greedy and +officious courtiers, who, on such occasions, post themselves in all the +avenues, in order to cheat the poor courier out of his news. However, +his address preserved him from the one, and deceived the others. + +He had taken eight or ten troopers, commanded by an officer of his +acquaintance, to escort him half way to Bapaume, being persuaded that +the greatest danger would lie between the camp and the first stage. He +had not proceeded a league before he was convinced of the truth of what +he suspected, and turning to the officer who followed him closely, “If +you are not well mounted,” said he, “I would advise you to return to the +camp; for my part, I shall set spurs to my horse, and make the best of +my way.” “Sir,” said the officer, “I hope I shall be able to keep you +company, at whatever rate you go, until you are out of all danger.” + “I doubt that,” replied the Chevalier, “for those gentlemen there seem +prepared to pay us a visit.” “Don’t you see,” said the officer, “they +are some of our own people who are grazing their horses?” “No,” said +the Chevalier; “but I see very well that they are some of the enemy’s +troopers.” Upon which, observing to him that they were mounting, he +ordered the horsemen that escorted him to prepare themselves to make a +diversion, and he himself set off full speed towards Bapaume. + +He was mounted upon a very swift English horse; but having entangled +himself in a hollow way where the ground was deep and miry, he soon +had the troopers at his heels, who, supposing him to be some officer of +rank, would not be deceived, but continued to pursue him without paying +any attention to the others. The best mounted of the party began to +draw near him; for the English horses, swift as the wind on even ground, +proceeded but very indifferently in bad roads; the trooper presented +his carbine, and cried out to him, at some distance, “Good quarter.” The +Chevalier de Grammont, who perceived that they gained upon him, and +that whatever efforts his horse made in such heavy ground, he must be +overtaken at last, immediately quitted the road to Bapaume, and took a +causeway to the left, which led quite a different way; as soon as he had +gained it, he drew up, as if to hear the proposal of the trooper, which +afforded his horse an opportunity of recovering himself; while his +enemy, mistaking his intention, and thinking that he only waited to +surrender, immediately exerted every effort, that he might take him +before the rest of his companions, who were following, could arrive, and +by this means almost killed his horse. + +One minute’s reflection made the Chevalier consider what a disagreeable +adventure it would be, thus coming from so glorious a victory, and +the dangers of a battle so warmly disputed, to be taken by a set of +scoundrels who had not been in it, and, instead of being received in +triumph, and embraced by a great queen, for the important news with +which he was charged, to see himself stripped by the vanquished. + +During this short meditation, the trooper who followed him was arrived +within shot, and still presenting his carbine, offered him good quarter, +but the Chevalier de Grammont, to whom this offer, and the manner in +which it was made, were equally displeasing, made a sign to him to lower +his piece; and perceiving his horse to be in wind, he lowered his hand, +rode off like lightning, and left the trooper in such astonishment that +he even forgot to fire at him. + +As soon as he arrived at Bapaume, he changed horses; the commander of +this place showed him the greatest respect, assuring him that no person +had yet passed; that he would keep the secret, and that he would retain +all that followed him, except the couriers of Monsieur de Turenne. + +He now had only to guard against those who would be watching for him +about the environs of Peronne, to return as soon as they saw him, +and carry his news to court, without being acquainted with any of the +particulars. He knew very well that Marshal du Plessis, Marshal de +Villeroy, and Gaboury, had boasted of this to the Cardinal before his +departure. Wherefore, to elude this snare, he hired two well-mounted +horsemen at Bapaume, and as soon as he had got a league from that place, +and after giving them each two louis d’ors, to secure their fidelity, +he ordered them to ride on before, to appear very much terrified, and +to tell all those who should ask them any questions, “that all was lost, +that the Chevalier de Grammont had stopped at Bapaume, having no great +inclination to be the messenger of ill news; and that as for themselves, +they had been pursued by the enemy’s troopers, who were spread over the +whole country since the defeat.” + +Everything succeeded to his wish: the horsemen were intercepted by +Gaboury, whose eagerness had outstripped the two marshals’; but whatever +questions were asked them, they acted their parts so well, that Peronne +was already in consternation, and rumours of the defeat were whispered +among the courtiers, when the Chevalier de Grammont arrived. + +Nothing so enhances the value of good news, as when a false alarm of +bad has preceded; yet, though the Chevalier’s was accompanied with this +advantage, none but their Majesties received it with that transport of +joy it deserved. + +The queen kept her promise to him in the most fascinating manner: +she embraced him before the whole court; the king appeared no less +delighted; but the Cardinal, whether with the view of lessening the +merit of an action which deserved a handsome reward, or whether it +was from a return of that insolence which always accompanied him in +prosperity, appeared at first not to pay any attention to what he said, +and being afterwards informed that the lines had been forced, that the +Spanish army was beaten, and that Arras was relieved, “Is the Prince de +Conde taken?” said he. “No,” replied the Chevalier de Grammont. “He is +dead then, I suppose?” said the Cardinal. “Not so, neither,” answered +the Chevalier. “Fine news indeed!” said the Cardinal, with an air of +contempt; and at these words he went into the queen’s cabinet with +their majesties. And happy it was for the Chevalier that he did so, for +without doubt he would have given him some severe reply, in resentment +for those two fine questions, and the conclusion he had drawn from them. + +The court was filled with the Cardinal’s spies: the Chevalier, as is +usual on such an occasion, was surrounded by a crowd of courtiers and +inquisitive people, and he was very glad to ease himself of some part +of the load which laid heavy on his heart, within the hearing of the +Cardinal’s creatures, and which he would perhaps have told him to his +face. “Faith, gentlemen,” said he, with a sneer, “there is nothing like +being zealous and eager in the service of kings and great princes: you +have seen what a gracious reception his Majesty has given me; you are +likewise witnesses in what an obliging manner the queen kept her promise +with me; but as for the Cardinal, he has received my news as if he +gained no more by it than he did by the death of Peter Mazarin.” + + [Peter Mazarin was father to the Cardinal. He was a native of + Palermo in Sicily, which place he left in order to settle at Rome, + where he died in the year 1654.] + +This was sufficient to terrify all those who were sincerely attached +to him; and the best established fortune would have been ruined at some +period by a jest much less severe: for it was delivered in the presence +of witnesses, who were only desirous of having an opportunity of +representing it in its utmost malignancy, to make a merit of their +vigilance with a powerful and absolute minister. Of this the Chevalier +de Grammont was thoroughly convinced; yet whatever detriment he foresaw +might arise from it, he could not help being much pleased with what he +had said. + +The spies very faithfully discharged their duty: however, the affair +took a very different turn from what they expected. The next day, when +the Chevalier de Grammont was present while their Majesties were at +dinner, the Cardinal came in, and coming up to him, everybody making way +for him out of respect: “Chevalier,” said he, “the news which you have +brought is very good, their Majesties are very well satisfied with it; +and to convince you it is more advantageous to me than the death of +Peter Mazarin, if you will come and dine with me we will have some play +together; for the queen will give us something to play for, over and +above her first promise.” + +In this manner did the Chevalier de Grammont dare to provoke a powerful +minister, and this was all the resentment which the least vindictive of +all statesmen expressed on the occasion. It was indeed very unusual for +so young a man to reverence the authority of ministers no farther, than +as they were themselves respectable by their merit; for this, his own +breast, as well as the whole court, applauded him, and he enjoyed the +satisfaction of being the only man who durst preserve the least shadow +of liberty, in a general state of servitude; but it was perhaps owing +to the Cardinal’s passing over this insult with impunity, that +he afterwards drew upon himself some difficulties, by other rash +expressions less fortunate in the event. + +In the mean time the court returned: the Cardinal, who was sensible that +he could no longer keep his master in a state of tutelage, being himself +worn out with cares and sickness, and having amassed treasures he knew +not what to do with, and being sufficiently loaded with the weight +of public odium, he turned all his thoughts towards terminating, in a +manner the most advantageous for France, a ministry which had so cruelly +shaken that kingdom. Thus, while he was earnestly laying the foundations +of a peace so ardently wished for, pleasure and plenty began to reign at +court. + +The Chevalier de Grammont experienced for a long time a variety of +fortune in love and gaming: he was esteemed by the courtiers, beloved by +beauties whom he neglected, and a dangerous favourite of those whom +he admired; more successful in play than in his amours; but the one +indemnifying him for want of success in the other, he was always full of +life and spirits; and in all transactions of importance, always a man of +honour. + +It is a pity that we must be forced here to interrupt the course of his +history, by an interval of some years, as has been already done at +the commencement of these memoirs. In a life where the most minute +circumstances are always singular and diverting, we can meet with no +chasm which does not afford regret; but whether he did not think them +worthy of holding a place among his other adventures, or that he has +only preserved a confused idea of them, we must pass to the parts of +these fragments which are better ascertained, that we may arrive at the +subject of his journey to England. + +The peace of the Pyrenees, the king’s marriage,--the return of the +Prince de Conde, and the death of the Cardinal, gave a new face to the +state. + + [Louis XIV. married Maria Theresa of Austria. She was born 20th + September, 1638, married 1st June, 1660, and entered Paris 26th + August following. She died at Versailles 30th July, 1683, and was + buried at St. Denis.] + +The eyes of the whole nation were fixed upon their king, who, for +nobleness of mien, and gracefulness of person, had no equal; but it was +not then known that he was possessed of those superior abilities, which, +filling his subjects with admiration, in the end made him so formidable +to Europe. Love and ambition, the invisible springs of the intrigues +and cabals of all courts, attentively observed his first steps: pleasure +promised herself an absolute empire over a prince who had been kept +in ignorance of the necessary rules of government, and ambition had no +hopes of reigning in the court except in the minds of those who were +able to dispute the management of affairs; when men were surprised +to see the king on a sudden display such brilliant abilities, which +prudence, in some measure necessary, had so long obliged him to conceal. + +An application, inimical to the pleasures which generally attract that +age, and which unlimited power very seldom refuses, attached him solely +to the cares of government: all admired this wonderful change, but +all did not find their account in it: the great lost their consequence +before an absolute master, and the courtiers approached with reverential +awe the sole object of their respects and the sole master of their +fortunes: those who had conducted themselves like petty tyrants in +their provinces, and on the frontiers, were now no more than governors: +favours, according to the king’s pleasure, were sometimes conferred on +merit, and sometimes for services done the state; but to importune, or +to menace the court, was no longer the method to obtain them. + +The Chevalier de Grammont regarded his master’s attention to the affairs +of state as a prodigy: he could not conceive how he could submit at his +age to the rules he prescribed himself, or that he should give up so +many hours of pleasure, to devote them to the tiresome duties, and +laborious functions of government; but he blessed the Lord that +henceforward no more homage was to be paid, no more court to be made, +but to him alone, to whom they were justly due. Disdaining as he did +the servile adoration usually paid to a minister, he could never crouch +before the power of the two Cardinals who succeeded each other: +he neither worshipped the arbitrary power of the one, nor gave his +approbation to the artifices of the other; he had never received +anything from Cardinal Richelieu but an abbey, which, on account of +his rank, could not be refused him; and he never acquired anything from +Mazarin but what he won of him at play. + +By many years’ experience under an able general he had acquired a talent +for war; but this during a general peace was of no further service to +him. He therefore thought that, in the midst of a court flourishing in +beauties and abounding in wealth, he could not employ himself better +than in endeavouring to gain the good opinion of his master, in making +the best use of those advantages which nature had given him for play, +and in putting in practice new stratagems in love. + +He succeeded very well in the two first of these projects, and as he had +from that time laid it down as the rule of his conduct to attach himself +solely to the king in all his views of preferment, to have no regard for +favour unless when it was supported by merit, to make himself beloved by +the courtiers and feared by the minister, to dare to undertake anything +in order to do good, and to engage in nothing at the expense of +innocence, he soon became one in all the king’s parties of pleasure, +without gaining the ill will of the courtiers. In play he was +successful, in love unfortunate; or, to speak more properly, his +restlessness and jealousy overcame his natural prudence, in a situation +wherein he had most occasion for it. La Motte Agencourt was one of the +maids of honour to the queen dowager, and, though no sparkling beauty, +she had drawn away lovers from the celebrated Meneville. + + [These two ladies at this period seem to have made a distinguished + figure in the annals of gallantry. One of their contemporaries + mentions them in these terms: “In this case, perhaps, I can give a + better account than most people; as, for instance, they had raised a + report, when the queen-mother expelled Mademoiselle de la Motte + Agencourt, that it was on his score, when I am assured, upon very + good grounds, that it was for entertaining the Marquis de Richelieu + against her majesty’s express command. This lady, who was one of + her maids of honour, was a person whom I was particularly acquainted + with; and that so much, as I was supposed to have a passion for her: + she was counted one of the finest women of the court, and therefore + I was not at all displeased to have it thought so; for except + Mademoiselle de Meneville, (who had her admirers,) there was none + that could pretend to dispute it” Memoirs of the Comte de Rochfort, + 1696, p. 210. See also Anquetil, Louis XVI. sa Cour et le Regent, + tome i. p. 46.] + +It was sufficient in those days for the king to cast his eye upon a +young lady of the court to inspire her with hopes, and often with tender +sentiments; but if he spoke to her more than once, the courtiers took it +for granted, and those who had either pretensions to, or love for her, +respectfully withdrew both the one and the other, and afterwards only +paid her respect; but the Chevalier de Grammont thought fit to act quite +otherwise, perhaps to preserve a singularity of character, which upon +the present occasion was of no avail. + +He had never before thought of her, but as soon as he found that she +was honoured with the king’s attention, he was of opinion that she +was likewise deserving of his. Having attached himself to her, he soon +became very troublesome, without convincing her he was much in love. +She grew weary of his persecutions, but he would not desist, neither on +account of her ill-treatment nor of her threats. This conduct of his at +first made no great noise, because she was in hopes that he would change +his behaviour; but finding him rashly persist in it, she complained +of him: and then it was that he perceived that if love renders all +conditions equal, it is not so between rivals. He was banished the +court, and not finding any place in France which could console him for +what he most regretted--the presence and sight of his prince--after +having made some slight reflections upon his disgrace, and bestowed a +few imprecations against her who was the cause of it, he at last formed +the resolution of visiting England. + + + + +CHAPTER SIXTH. HIS ARRIVAL AT THE ENGLISH COURT--THE VARIOUS PERSONAGES +OF THIS COURT + + +Curiosity to see a man equally famous for his crimes and his elevation, +had once before induced the Chevalier de Grammont to visit England. +Reasons of state assume great privileges. Whatever appears advantageous +is lawful, and every thing that is necessary is honourable in politics. +While the King of England sought the protection of Spain in the Low +Countries, and that of the States-General in Holland, other powers sent +splendid embassies to Cromwell. + +This man, whose ambition had opened him a way to sovereign power by +the greatest crimes, maintained himself in it by accomplishments which +seemed to render him worthy of it by their lustre. The nation, of all +Europe the least submissive, patiently bore a yoke which did not even +leave her the shadow of that liberty of which she is so jealous; and +Cromwell, master of the Commonwealth, under the title of Protector, +feared at home, but yet more dreaded abroad, was at his highest pitch of +glory when he was seen by the Chevalier de Grammont; but the Chevalier +did not see any appearance of a court. One part of the nobility +proscribed, the other removed from employments; an affectation of purity +of manners, instead of the luxury which the pomp of courts displays all +taken together, presented nothing but sad and serious objects in the +finest city in the world; and therefore the Chevalier acquired nothing +by this voyage but the idea of some merit in a profligate man, and the +admiration of some concealed beauties he had found means to discover. + +Affairs wore quite a different appearance at his second voyage. The joy +for the restoration of the royal family still appeared in all parts. +The nation, fond of change and novelty, tasted the pleasure of a natural +government, and seemed to breathe again after a long oppression. In +short, the same people who, by a solemn abjuration, had excluded +even the posterity of their lawful sovereign, exhausted themselves in +festivals and rejoicings for his return. + +The Chevalier de Grammont arrived about two years after the restoration. +The reception he met with in this court soon made him forget the other; +and the engagements he in the end contracted in England lessened the +regret he had in leaving France. + +This was a desirable retreat for an exile of his disposition. + +Everything flattered his taste, and if the adventures he had in this +country were not the most considerable, they were at least the most +agreeable of his life. But before we relate them it will not be improper +to give some account of the English court, as it was at that period. + +The necessity of affairs had exposed Charles II. from his earliest youth +to the toils and perils of a bloody war. The fate of the king his father +had left him for inheritance nothing but his misfortunes and disgraces. +They overtook him everywhere; but it was not until he had struggled with +his ill-fortune to the last extremity that he submitted to the decrees +of Providence. + +All those who were either great on account of their birth or their +loyalty had followed him into exile; and all the young persons of the +greatest distinction having afterwards joined him, composed a court +worthy of a better fate. + +Plenty and prosperity, which are thought to tend only to corrupt +manners, found nothing to spoil in an indigent and wandering court. +Necessity, on the contrary, which produces a thousand advantages whether +we will or no, served them for education; and nothing was to be seen +among them but an emulation in glory, politeness, and virtue. + +With this little court, in such high esteem for merit, the King of +England returned two years prior to the period we mention, to ascend a +throne which, to all appearances, he was to fill as worthily as the +most glorious of his predecessors. The magnificence displayed on thus +occasion was renewed at his coronation. + +The death of the Duke of Gloucester, and of the Princess Royal, which +followed soon after, had interrupted the course of this splendour by +a tedious mourning, which they quitted at last to prepare for the +reception of the Infanta of Portugal. + + [The Princess Royal: Mary, eldest daughter of Charles I., born + November 4th, 1631, married to the Prince of Orange, 2nd May, 1641, + who died 27th October, 1650. She arrived in England, September + 23rd, and died of the smallpox, December 24th, 1660,-according to + Bishop Burnet, not much lamented. “She had lived,” says the author, + “in her widowhood for some years with great reputation, kept a + decent court, and supported her brothers very liberally; and lived + within bounds. But her mother, who had the art of making herself + believe anything she had a mind to, upon a conversation with the + queen-mother of France, fancied the King of France might be inclined + to marry her. So she wrote to her to come to Paris. In order to + that, she made an equipage far above what she could support. So she + ran herself into debt, sold all her jewels, and some estates that + were in her power as her son’s guardian; and was not only + disappointed of that vain expectation, but fell into some + misfortunes that lessened the reputation she had formerly lived in.” + History of his Own Times, vol. i., p. 238. She was mother of + William III.] + + [“The Infanta, of Portugal landed in May (1662) at Portsmouth. The + king went thither, and was married privately by Lord Aubigny, a + secular priest, and almoner to the queen, according to the rites of + Rome, in the queen’s chamber; none present but the Portuguese + ambassador, three more Portuguese of quality, and two or three + Portuguese women. What made this necessary was, that the Earl of + Sandwich did not marry her by proxy, as usual, before she came away. + How this happened, the duke knows not, nor did the chancellor know + of this private marriage. The queen would not be bedded, till + pronounced man and wife by Sheldon, bishop of London.”--Extract 2, + from King James II.’s Journal.--Macpherson’s State Papers, vol. i. + In the same collection is a curious letter from the King to Lord + Clarendon, giving his opinion of the queen after having seen her.] + +It was in the height of the rejoicings they were making for this new +queen, in all the splendour of a brilliant court, that the Chevalier de +Grammont arrived to contribute to its magnificence and diversions. + +Accustomed as he was to the grandeur of the court of France, he was +surprised at the politeness and splendour of the court of England. The +king was inferior to none, either in shape or air; his wit was pleasant; +his disposition easy and affable; his soul, susceptible of opposite +impressions, was compassionate to the unhappy, inflexible to the wicked, +and tender even to excess; he showed great abilities in urgent affairs, +but was incapable of application to any that were not so: his heart was +often the dupe, but oftener the slave, of his engagements. + +The character of the Duke of York was entirely different he had the +reputation of undaunted courage, an inviolable attachment for his word, +great economy in his affairs, hauteur, application, arrogance, each in +their turn: a scrupulous observer of the rules of duty and the laws of +justice; he was accounted a faithful friend, and an implacable enemy. + + [James, Duke of York, afterwards King James II. He was born 15th + October, 1633; succeeded his brother 6th February, 1684-5; abdicated + the crown in 1688; and died 6th September, 1701. Bishop Burnet’s + character of him appears not very far from the truth.--“He was,” + says this writer, “very brave in his youth; and so much magnified by + Monsieur Turenne, that till his marriage lessened him, he really + clouded the king, and passed for the superior genius. He was + naturally candid and sincere, and a firm friend, till affairs and + his religion wore out all his first principles and inclinations he + had a great desire to understand affairs: and in order to that he + kept a constant journal of all that passed, of which he showed me a + great deal. The Duke of Buckingham gave me once a short but severe + character of the two brothers. It was the more severe, because it + was true: the king, (he said,) could see things if he would: and the + duke would see things if he could. He had no true judgment, and was + soon determined by those whom he trusted: but he was obstinate + against all other advices. He was bred with high notions of kingly + authority, and laid it down for a maxim, that all who opposed the + king were rebels in their hearts. He was perpetually in one amour + or other, without being very nice in his choice: upon which the king + once said, he believed his brother had his mistress given him by his + priests for penance. He was naturally eager and revengeful: and was + against the taking off any, that set up in an opposition to the + measures of the court, and who by that means grew popular in the + house of commons. He was for rougher methods. He continued many + years dissembling his religion, and seemed zealous for the church of + England, but it was chiefly on design to hinder all propositions, + that tended to unite us among ourselves. He was a frugal prince, + and brought his court into method and magnificence, for he had + L100,000. a-year allowed him. He was made high admiral, and he came + to understand all the concerns of the sea very particularly.”] + +His morality and justice, struggling for some time with prejudice, had +at last triumphed, by his acknowledging for his wife Miss Hyde, maid of +honour to the Princess Royal, whom he had secretly married in Holland. +Her father, from that time prime minister of England, supported by this +new interest, soon rose to the head of affairs, and had almost ruined +them: not that he wanted capacity, but he was too self-sufficient. + +The Duke of Ormond possessed the confidence and esteem of his master: +the greatness of his services, the splendour of his merit and his birth, +and the fortune he had abandoned in adhering to the fate of his prince, +rendered him worthy of it nor durst the courtiers even murmur at seeing +him grand steward of the household, first lord of the bed-chamber, +and lord-lieutenant of Ireland. He exactly resembled the Marshal de +Grammont, in the turn of his wit and the nobleness of his manners: and +like him was the honour of his master’s court. + +The Duke of Buckingham and the Earl of St. Albans were the same in +England as they appeared in France: the one full of wit and vivacity, +dissipated, without splendour, an immense estate upon which he had +just entered: the other, a man of no great genius, had raised himself a +considerable fortune from nothing, and by losing at play, and keeping a +great table, made it appear greater than it was. + + [“The Duke of Buckingham is again one hundred and forty thousand + pounds in debt; and by this prorogation his creditors have time to + tear all his lands to pieces.”--Andrew Marvell’s Works, 4to. edit., + vol. i. p. 406.] + +Sir George Berkeley, afterwards Earl of Falmouth, was the confidant +and favourite of the King: he commanded the Duke of York’s regiment of +guards, and governed the Duke himself. He had nothing very remarkable +either in his wit, or his person; but his sentiments were worthy of the +fortune which awaited him, when, on the very point of his elevation, he +was killed at sea. Never did disinterestedness so perfectly characterise +the greatness of the soul: he had no views but what tended to the glory +of his master: his credit was never employed but in advising him +to reward services, or to confer favours on merit: so polished in +conversation, that the greater his power, the greater was his humility; +and so sincere in all his proceedings, that he would never have been +taken for a courtier. + +The Duke of Ormond’s sons and his nephews had been in the king’s court +during his exile, and were far from diminishing its lustre after +his return. The Earl of Arran had a singular address in all kinds of +exercises, played well at tennis and on the guitar, and was pretty +successful in gallantry: his elder brother, the Earl of Ossory, was not +so lively, but of the most liberal sentiments, and of great probity. + +The elder of the Hamiltons, their cousin, was the man who of all the +court dressed best: he was well made in his person, and possessed those +happy talents which lead to fortune, and procure success in love: he was +a most assiduous courtier, had the most lively wit, the most polished +manners, and the most punctual attention to his master imaginable: no +person danced better, nor was any one a more general lover: a merit of +some account in a court entirely devoted to love and gallantry. It is +not at all surprising, that with these qualities he succeeded my Lord +Falmouth in the King’s favour; but it is very extraordinary that he +should have experienced the same destiny, as if this sort of war had +been declared against merit only, and as if this sort of combat was +fatal to none but such as had certain hopes of a splendid fortune. This, +however, did not happen till some years afterwards. + +The beau Sydney, less dangerous than he appeared to be, had not +sufficient vivacity to support the impression which his figure made; but +little Jermyn was on all sides successful in his intrigues. + + [Robert Sydney, third son of the Earl of Leicester, and brother of + the famous Algernon Sydney, who was beheaded. This is Lord Orford’s + account; though, on less authority, I should have been inclined to + have considered Henry Sydney, his younger brother, who was + afterwards created Earl of Rumney, and died 8th April, 1704, as the + person intended. There are some circumstances which seem + particularly to point to him. Burnet, speaking of him, says, “he + was a, graceful man, and had lived long in the court, where he lead + some adventures that became very public. He was a man of a sweet + and caressing temper, had no malice in his heart, but too great a + love of pleasure. He had been sent envoy to Holland in the year + 1679, where he entered into such particular confidences with the + prince, that he had the highest measure of his trust and favour that + any Englishman ever had.”--History of his Own Times, vol. ii., p. + 494. + + In the Essay on Satire, by Dryden and Mulgrave, he is spoken of in + no very decent terms. + + “And little Sid, for simile renown’d, + Pleasure has always sought, but never found + Though all his thoughts on wine and women fall, + His are so bad, sure he ne’er thinks at all. + The flesh he lives upon is rank and strong; + His meat and mistresses are kept too long. + But sure we all mistake this pious man, + Who mortifies his person all he can + What we uncharitably take for sin, + Are only rules of this odd capuchin; + For never hermit, under grave pretence, + Has lived more contrary to common sense.” + + These verses, however, have been applied to Sir Charles Sedley, + whose name was originally spelt Sidley. Robert Sydney died at + Pensburst, 1674.] + +The old Earl of St. Albans, his uncle, had for a long time adopted him, +though the youngest of all his nephews. It is well known what a table +the good man kept at Paris, while the King his master was starving at +Brussels, and the Queen Dowager, his mistress, lived not over well in +France. + + [To what a miserable state the queen was reduced may be seen in the + following extract from De Retz.--“Four or five days before the king + removed from Paris, I went to visit the Queen of England, whom I + found in her daughter’s chamber, who hath been since Duchess of + Orleans. At my coming in she said, ‘You see I am come to keep + Henrietta company. The poor child could not rise to-day for want of + a fire.’ The truth is, that the cardinal for six months together + had not ordered her any money towards her pension; that no + trades-people would trust her for anything; and that there was not at + her lodgings in the Louvre one single billet. You will do me the + justice to suppose that the Princess of England did not keep her bed + the next day for want of a faggot; but it was not this which the + Princess of Conde meant in her letter. What she spoke about was, + that some days after my visiting the Queen of England, I remembered + the condition I had found her in, and had strongly represented the + shame of abandoning her in that manner, which caused the parliament + to send 40,000 livres to her majesty. Posterity will hardly believe + that a Princess of England, grand-daughter of Henry the Great, hath + wanted a faggot, in the month of January, to get out of bed in the + Louvre, and in the eyes of a French court. We read in histories, + with horror, of baseness less monstrous than this; and the little + concern I have met with about it in most people’s minds, has obliged + me to make, I believe, a thousand times, this reflection,--that + examples of times past move men beyond comparison more than those of + their own times. We accustom ourselves to what we see; and I have + sometimes told you, that I doubted whether Caligula’s horse being + made a consul would have surprised us so much as we imagine.” + --Memoirs, vol. i., p. 261. As for the relative situation of the king + and Lord Jermyn, (afterwards St. Albans,) Lord Clarendon says, that + the “Marquis of Ormond was compelled to put himself in prison, with + other gentlemen, at a pistole a-week for his diet, and to walk the + streets a-foot, which was no honourable custom in Paris, whilst the + Lord Jermyn kept an excellent table for those who courted him, and + had a coach of his own, and all other accommodations incident to the + most full fortune: and if the king had the most urgent occasion for + the use but of twenty pistoles, as sometimes he had, he could not + find credit to borrow it, which he often had experiment of.” + --History of the Rebellion, vol. iii., p. 2.] + +Jermyn, supported by his uncle’s wealth, found it no difficult matter to +make a considerable figure upon his arrival at the court of the Princess +of Orange: the poor courtiers of the king her brother could not vie with +him in point of equipage and magnificence; and these two articles often +produce as much success in love as real merit: there is no necessity +for any other example than the present; for though Jermyn was brave, +and certainly a gentleman, yet he had neither brilliant actions, nor +distinguished rank, to set him off; and as for his fibre, there was +nothing advantageous in it. He was little: his head was large and his +legs small; his features were not disagreeable, but he was affected in +his carriage and behaviour. All his wit consisted in expressions learnt +by rote, which he occasionally employed either in raillery, or in love. +This was the whole foundation of the merit of a man so formidable in +amours. + +The Princess Royal was the first who was taken with him: Miss Hyde +seemed to be following the steps of her mistress: this immediately +brought him into credit, and his reputation was established in England +before his arrival. Prepossession in the minds of women is sufficient +to find access to their hearts: Jermyn found them in dispositions so +favourable for him, that he had nothing to do but to speak. + +It was in vain they perceived that a reputation so lightly established, +was still more weakly sustained: the prejudice remained: the Countess of +Castlemaine, a woman lively and discerning followed the delusive shadow; +and though undeceived in a reputation which promised so much, and +performed so little, she nevertheless continued in her infatuation: she +even persisted in it, until she was upon the point of embroiling herself +with the King; so great was this first instance of her constancy. + +Such were the heroes of the court. As for the beauties, you could not +look anywhere without seeing them: those of the greatest reputation were +this same Countess of Castlemaine, afterwards Duchess of Cleveland, Lady +Chesterfield, Lady Shrewsbury, the Mrs. Roberts, Mrs. Middleton, the +Misses Brooks, and a thousand others, who shone at court with equal +lustre; but it was Miss Hamilton and Miss Stewart who were its chief +ornaments. + + [Lady Shrewsbury: Anna, Maria, Countess of Shrewsbury, eldest + daughter of Robert Brudenel, Earl of Cardigan, and wife of Francis, + Earl of Shrewsbury, who was killed in a duel by George, Duke of + Buckingham, March 16, 1667. She afterwards re-married with George + Rodney Bridges, Esq., second son of Sir Thomas Bridges of Keynsham, + in Somersetshire, knight, and died April 20, 1702. By her second + husband she had one son, George Rodney Bridges, who died in 1751. + This woman is said to have been so abandoned, as to have held, in + the habit of a page, her gallant, the duke’s horse, while he fought + and killed her husband; after which she went to bed with him, + stained with her husband’s blood.] + +The new queen gave but little additional brilliancy to the court, either +in her person or in her retinue, which was then composed of the Countess +de Panetra, who came over with her in quality of lady of the bedchamber; +six frights, who called themselves maids of honour, and a duenna, +another monster, who took the title of governess to those extraordinary +beauties. + + [Lord Clarendon confirms, in some measure, this account. “There + was a numerous family of men and women, that were sent from + Portugal, the most improper to promote that conformity in the queen + that was necessary for her condition and future happiness that could + be chosen; the women, for the most part, old, and ugly, and proud, + incapable of any conversation with persons of quality and a liberal + education: and they desired, and indeed had conspired so far to + possess the queen themselves, that she should neither learn the + English language, nor use their habit, nor depart from the manners + and fashions of her own country in any particulars: which + resolution,” they told, “would be for the dignity of Portugal, and + would quickly induce the English ladies to conform to her majesty’s + practice. And this imagination had made that impression, that the + tailor who had been sent into Portugal to make her clothes could + never be admitted to see her, or receive any employment. Nor when + she came to Portsmouth, and found there several ladies of honour and + prime quality to attend her in the places to which they were + assigned by the king, did she receive any of them till the king + himself came; nor then with any grace, or the liberty that belonged + to their places and offices. She could not be persuaded to be + dressed out of the wardrobe that the king had sent to her, but would + wear the clothes which she had brought, until she found that the + king was displeased, and would be obeyed; whereupon she conformed, + against the advice of her women, who continued their opiniatrety, + without any one of them receding from their own mode, which exposed + them the more to reproach.”--Continuation of Clarendon’s Life, p. + 168. In a short time after their arrival in England, they were + ordered back to Portugal.] + +Among the men were Francisco de Melo, brother to the Countess de +Panetra; one Taurauvedez, who called himself Don Pedro Francisco Correo +de Silva, extremely handsome, but a greater fool than all the Portuguese +put together: he was more vain of his names than of his person; but the +Duke of Buckingham, a still greater fool than he, though more addicted +to raillery, gave him the additional name of Peter of the Wood. He +was so enraged at this, that, after many fruitless complaints and +ineffectual menaces, poor Pedro de Silva was obliged to leave England, +while the happy duke kept possession of a Portuguese nymph more hideous +than the queen’s maids of honour, whom he had taken from him, as well as +two of his names. Besides these, there were six chaplains, four bakers, +a Jew perfumer, and a certain officer, probably without an office, who +called himself her highness’s barber. Katharine de Braganza was far from +appearing with splendour in the charming court where she came to reign; +however, in the end she was pretty successful. + + [Lord Clarendon says, “the queen had beauty and wit enough to make + herself agreeable to him (the king); and it is very certain, that, + at their first meeting, and for some time after, the King had very + good satisfaction in her.... Though she was of years enough + to have had more experience of the world, and of as much wit as + could be wished, and of a humour very agreeable at some seasons, + yet, she had been bred, according to the mode and discipline of her + country, in a monastery, where she had only seen the women who + attended her, and conversed with the religious who resided there; + and, without doubt, in her inclinations, was enough disposed to have + been one of that number: and from this restraint she was called out + to be a great queen, and to a free conversation in a court that was + to be upon the matter new formed, and reduced from the manners of a + licentious age to the old rules and limits which had been observed + in better times; to which regular and decent conformity the present + disposition of men or women was not enough inclined to submit, nor + the king enough disposed to exact.”--Continuation of Lord + Clarendon’s Life, p. 167. After some struggle, she submitted to the + king’s licentious conduct, and from that time lived upon easy terms + with him, until his death. On the 30th March, 1692, she left + Somerset-house, her usual residence, and retired to Lisbon, where + she died, 31st December, 1705, N. S.] + +The Chevalier de Grammont, who had been long known to the royal family, +and to most of the gentlemen of the court, had only to get acquainted +with the ladies; and for this he wanted no interpreter: they all +spoke French enough to explain themselves, and they all understood it +sufficiently to comprehend what he had to say to them. + +The queen’s court was always very numerous; that of the duchess was less +so, but more select. This princess had a majestic air, a pretty good +shape, not much beauty, a great deal of wit, and so just a discernment +of merit, that, whoever of either sex were possessed of it, were sure to +be distinguished by her: an air of grandeur in all her actions made her +be considered as if born to support the rank: which placed her so near +the throne. + + [“The Duchess of York,” says Bishop Burnet, “was a very + extraordinary woman. She had great knowledge, and a lively sense of + things. She soon understood what belonged to a princess, and took + state on her rather too much. She wrote well, and had begun the + duke’s life, of which she showed me a volume. It was all drawn from + his journal; and he intended to have employed me in carrying it on. + She was bred in great strictness in religion, and practised secret + confession. Morley told me he was her confessor. She began at + twelve years old, and continued under his direction till, upon her + father’s disgrace, he was put from the court. She was generous and + friendly, but was too severe an enemy.”--history of his Own Times, + vol. i., p. 237. She was contracted to the duke at Breda, + November 24, 1659, and married at Worcester-house, 3rd September, + 1660, in the night, between eleven and two, by Dr. Joseph Crowther, + the duke’s chaplain; the Lord Ossory giving her in marriage. + --Kennet’s Register, p. 246. She died 31st March, 1671, having + previously acknowledged herself to be a Roman Catholic.--See also + her character by Bishop Morley.--Kennet’s Register, p. 385, 390.] + +The queen dowager returned after the marriage of the princess royal, and +it was in her court that the two others met. + +The Chevalier de Grammont was soon liked by all parties those who +had not known him before were surprised to see a Frenchman of his +disposition. The king’s restoration having drawn a great number of +foreigners from all countries to the court, the French were rather in +disgrace; for, instead of any persons of distinction having appeared +among the first who came over, they had only seen some insignificant +puppies, each striving to outdo the other in folly and extravagance, +despising everything which was not like themselves, and thinking they +introduced the ‘bel air’, by treating the English as strangers in their +own country. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, on the contrary, was familiar with everybody: +he gave in to their customs, eat of everything, and easily habituated +himself to their manner of living, which he looked upon as neither +vulgar nor barbarous; and as he showed a natural complaisance, instead +of the impertinent affectation of the others, all the nation was charmed +with a man, who agreeably indemnified them for what they had suffered +from the folly of the former. + +He first of all made his court to the king, and was of all his parties +of pleasure: he played high, and lost but seldom: he found so little +difference in the manners and conversation of those with whom he +chiefly associated, that he could scarcely believe he was out of his +own country. Everything which could agreeably engage a man of his +disposition, presented itself to his different humours, as if the +pleasures of the court of France had quitted it to accompany him in his +exile. + +He was every day engaged for some entertainment; and those who wished to +regale him in their turn, were obliged to take their measures in time, +and to invite him eight or ten days before hand. These importunate +civilities became tiresome in the long run; but as they seemed +indispensable to a man of his disposition, and as they were the most +genteel people of the court who loaded him with them, he submitted with +a good grace; but always reserved to himself the liberty of supping at +home. + +His supper hour depended upon play, and was indeed very uncertain; +but his supper was always served up with the greatest elegance, by the +assistance of one or two servants, who were excellent caterers and good +attendants, but understood cheating still better. + +The company, at these little entertainments, was not numerous, but +select: the first people of the court were commonly of the party; but +the man, who of all others suited him best on these occasions, never +failed to attend: that was the celebrated Saint Evremond, who with great +exactness, but too great freedom, had written the history of the treaty +of the Pyrenees: an exile like himself, though for very different +reasons. + +Happily for them both, fortune had, some time before the arrival of the +Chevalier de Grammont, brought Saint Evremond to England, after he had +had leisure to repent in Holland of the beauties of that famous satire. + + [Charles de St. Denis, Seigneur de Saint Evremond, was born at St. + Denis le Guast, in Lower Normandy, on the 1st of April, 1613. He + was educated at Paris, with a view to the profession of the law; but + he early quitted that pursuit, and went into the army, where he + signalized himself on several occasions. At the time of the + Pyrenean treaty, he wrote a letter censuring the conduct of Cardinal + Mazarin, which occasioned his being banished France. He first took + refuge in Holland; but, in 1662, he removed into England, where he + continued, with a short interval, during the rest of his life. In + 1675, the Duchess of Mazarin came to reside in England; and with her + St. Evremond passed much of his time. He preserved his health and + cheerfulness to a very great age, and died 9th of September, 1703, + aged ninety years, five months, and twenty days. His biographer + Monsieur Des Maizeaux, describes him thus: “M. de St. Evremond had + blue, lively, and sparkling eyes, a large forehead, thick eyebrows, + a handsome mouth, and a sneering physiognomy. Twenty years before + his death, a wen grew between his eye-brows, which in time increased + to a considerable bigness. He once designed to have it cut off, but + as it was no ways troublesome to him, and he little regarded that + kind of deformity, Dr. Le Fevre advised him to let it alone, lest + such an operation should be attended with dangerous symptoms in a + man of his age. He would often make merry with himself on account + of his wen, his great leather cap, and grey hair, which he chose to + wear rather than a periwig.” St. Evremond was a kind of Epicurean + philosopher, and drew his own character in the following terms, in a + letter to Count de Grammont. “He was a philosopher equally removed + from superstition and impiety; a voluptuary who had no less aversion + from debauchery than inclination for pleasure: a man who had never + felt the pressure of indigence, and who had never been in possession + of affluence: he lived in a condition despised by those who have + everything, envied by those who have nothing, and relished by those + who make their reason the foundation of their happiness. When he + was young he hated profusion, being persuaded that some degree of + wealth was necessary for the conveniencies of a long life: when he + was old, he could hardly endure economy, being of opinion that want + is little to be dreaded when a man has but little time left to be + miserable. He was well pleased with nature, and did not complain of + fortune. He hated vice, was indulgent to frailties, and lamented + misfortunes. He sought not after the failings of men with a design + to expose them; he only found what was ridiculous in them for his + own amusement: he had a secret pleasure in discovering this himself, + and would, indeed, have had a still greater in discovering this to + others, had not he been checked by discretion. Life, in his + opinion, was too short to read all sorts of books, and to burden + one’s memory with a multitude of things, at the expense of one’s + judgment. He did not apply himself to the most learned writings, in + order to acquire knowledge, but to the most rational, to fortify his + reason: he sometimes chose the most delicate, to give delicacy to + his own taste, and sometimes the most agreeable, to give the same to + his own genius. It remains that he should be described, such as he + was, in friendship and in religion. In friendship he was more + constant than a philosopher, and more sincere than a young man of + good nature without experience. With regard to religion, his piety + consisted more in justice and charity than in penance or + mortification. He placed his confidence in God, trusting in His + goodness, and hoping that in the bosom of His providence he should + find his repose and his felicity.”--He was buried in Westminster + Abbey.] + +The Chevalier was from that time his hero: they had each of them +attained to all the advantages which a knowledge of the world, and +the society of people of fashion, could add to the improvement of good +natural talents. Saint Evremond, less engaged in frivolous pursuits, +frequently gave little lectures to the Chevalier, and by making +observations upon the past, endeavoured to set him right for the +present, or to instruct him for the future. “You are now,” said he, “in +the most agreeable way of life a man of your temper could wish for: you +are the delight of a youthful, sprightly, and gallant court: the king +has never a party of pleasure to which you are not admitted. You +play from morning to night, or, to speak more properly, from night to +morning, without knowing what it is to lose. Far from losing the money +you brought hither, as you have done in other places, you have doubled +it, trebled it, multiplied it almost beyond your wishes, notwithstanding +the exorbitant expenses you are imperceptibly led into. This, without +doubt, is the most desirable situation in the world: stop here, +Chevalier, and do not ruin your affairs by returning to your old sins. +Avoid love, by pursuing other pleasures: love has never been favourable +to you. + + [“Saint Evremond and Bussi-Rabutin, who have also written on the + life of the Count de Grammont, agree with Hamilton in representing + him as a man less fortunate in love than at play; not seeking for + any other pleasure in the conquest of a woman but that of depriving + another of her; and not able to persuade any one of his passion, + because he spoke to her, as at all other times, in jest: but cruelly + revenging himself on those who refused to hear him; corrupting the + servants of those whom they did favour, counterfeiting their + handwriting, intercepting their letters, disconcerting their + rendezvous; in one word, disturbing their amours by everything which + a rival, prodigal, indefatigable, and full of artifice, can be + imagined to do. The straitest ties of blood could not secure any + one from his detraction. His nephew, the Count de Guiche, was a + victim: he had in truth, offended the Count de Grammont, by having + supplanted him in the affection of the Countess de Fiesque, whom he + loved afterwards for the space of twelve years. Here was enough to + irritate the self-love of a man less persuaded of his own merit.” + Hamilton does not describe the exterior of the count, but accuses + Bussi-Rabutin of having, in the following description, given a more + agreeable than faithful portrait of him: “The chevalier had laughing + eyes, a well-formed nose, a beautiful mouth, a small dimple in the + chin, which had an agreeable effect on his countenance, a certain + delicacy in his physiognomy, and a handsome shape, if he had not + stooped.”] + +“You are sensible how much gallantry has cost you; and every person here +is not so well acquainted with that matter as yourself. Play boldly: +entertain the court with your wit: divert the king by your ingenious and +entertaining stories; but avoid all engagements which can deprive you of +this merit, and make you forget you are a stranger and an exile in this +delightful country. + +“Fortune may bow weary of befriending you at play. What would have +become of you, if your last misfortune had happened to you when your +money had been at as low an ebb as I have known it? Attend carefully +then to this necessary deity, and renounce the other. You will be missed +at the court of France before you grow weary of this; but be that as +it may, lay up a good store of money: when a man is rich he consoles +himself for his banishment. I know you well, my dear Chevalier: if you +take it into your head to seduce a lady, or to supplant a lover, your +gains at play will by no means suffice for presents and for bribes: no, +let play be as productive to you as it can be, you will never gain so +much by it as you will lose by love, if you yield to it. + +“You are in possession of a thousand splendid qualifications which +distinguish you here: generous, benevolent, elegant, and polite; and for +your engaging wit, inimitable. Upon a strict examination, perhaps, all +this would not be found literally true; but these are brilliant marks; +and since it is granted that you possess them, do not show yourself +here in any other light: for, in love, if your manner of paying your +addresses can be so denominated, you do not in the least resemble the +picture I have just now drawn.” + +“My little philosophical monitor,” said the Chevalier de Grammont, +“you talk here as if you were the Cato of Normandy.” “Do I say anything +untrue?” replied Saint Evremond: “Is it not a fact, that as soon as a +woman pleases you, your first care is to find out whether she has any +other lover, and your second how to plague her; for the gaining her +affection is the last thing in your thoughts. You seldom engage in +intrigues, but to disturb the happiness of others: a mistress who has +no lovers would have no charms for you, and if she has, she would be +invaluable. Do not all the places through which you have passed furnish +me with a thousand examples? Shall I mention your coup d’essai at Turin? +the trick you played at Fontainebleau, where you robbed the Princess +Palatine’s courier upon the highway? and for what purpose was this fine +exploit, but to put you in possession of some proofs of her affection +for another, in order to give her uneasiness and confusion by reproaches +and menaces, which you had no right to use? + +“Who but yourself ever took it into his head to place himself in ambush +upon the stairs, to disturb a man in an intrigue, and to pull him back +by the leg when he was half way up to his mistress’s chamber? yet did +not you use your friend the Duke of Buckingham in this manner, when he +was stealing at night to ------ although you were not in the least his +rival? How many spies did not you send out after d’Olonne? + + [Mademoiselle de la Loupe, who is mentioned in De Retz’s Memoirs, + vol. iii., p. 95. She married the Count d’Olonne, and became + famous for her gallantries, of which the Count de Bussi speaks so + much, in his History of the Amours of the Gauls. Her maiden name + was Catherine Henrietta d’Angennes, and she was daughter to Charles + d’Angennes, Lord of la Loupe, Baron of Amberville, by Mary du + Raynier. There is a long character of her by St. Evremond, in his + works, vol. i., p. 17. The same writer, mentioning the concern of + some ladies for the death of the Duke of Candale, says, “But his + true mistress (the Countess d’Olonne) made herself famous by the + excess of her affliction, and had, in my opinion, been happy, if she + had kept it on to the last. One amour is creditable to a lady; and + I know not whether it be not more advantageous to their reputation + than never to have been in love.”--St. Evremond’s works, vol. ii., + p. 24.] + +“How many tricks, frauds, and persecutions, did you not practise for the +Countess de Fiesque, who perhaps might have been constant to you, if you +had not yourself forced her to be otherwise? But, to conclude, for the +enumeration of your iniquities would be endless, give me leave to ask +you, how you came here? Are not we obliged to that same evil genius of +yours, which rashly inspired you to intermeddle even in the gallantries +of your prince? Show some discretion then on this point here, I beseech +you; all the beauties of the court are already engaged; and however +docile the English may be with respect to their wives, they can by no +means bear the inconstancy of their mistresses, nor patiently suffer the +advantages of a rival: suffer them therefore to remain in tranquillity, +and do not gain their ill-will for no purpose. + +“You certainly will meet with no success with such as are unmarried: +honourable views, and good landed property, are required here; and you +possess as much of the one as the other. Every country has its +customs: in Holland, unmarried ladies are of easy access, and of tender +dispositions; but as soon as ever they are married, they become like +so many Lucretias: in France, the women are great coquettes before +marriage, and still more so afterwards; but here it is a miracle if a +young lady yields to any proposal but that of matrimony and I do not +believe you yet so destitute of grace as to think of that.” + +Such were Saint Evremond’s lectures; but they were all to no purpose: +the Chevalier de Grammont only attended to them for his amusement; +and though he was sensible of the truth they contained, he paid little +regard to them: in fact, being weary of the favours of fortune, he had +just resolved to pursue those of love. + +Mrs. Middleton was the first whom he attacked: she was one of the +Handsomest women in town, though then little known at court: so much +of the coquette as to discourage no one; and so great was her desire of +appearing magnificently, that she was ambitious to vie with those of the +greatest fortunes, though unable to support the expense. All this suited +the Chevalier de Grammont; therefore, without trifling away his time in +useless ceremonies, he applied to her porter for admittance, and chose +one of her lovers for his confidant. + +This lover, who was not deficient in wit, was at that time a Mr. Jones, +afterwards Earl of Ranelagh: what engaged him to serve the Chevalier de +Grammont, was to traverse the designs of a most dangerous rival, and to +relieve himself from an expense which began to lie too heavy upon him. +In both respects the Chevalier answered his purpose. + +Immediately spies were placed, letters and presents flew about: he was +received as well as he could wish: he was permitted to ogle: he was +even ogled again; but this was all. He found that the fair one was very +willing to accept, but was tardy in making returns. This induced him, +without giving up his pretensions to her, to seek his fortune elsewhere. + +Among the queen’s maids of honour, there was one called Warmestre: she +was a beauty very different from the other. Mrs. Middleton was well +made, fair, and delicate; but had in her behaviour and discourse +something precise and affected. The indolent languishing airs she gave +herself did not please everybody: people grew weary of those sentiments +of delicacy, which she endeavoured to explain without understanding +them herself; and instead of entertaining she became tiresome. In these +attempts she gave herself so much trouble, that she made the company +uneasy, and her ambition to pass for a wit, only established her the +reputation of being tiresome, which lasted much longer than her beauty. + +Miss Warmestre was brown: she had no shape at all, and still less air; +but she had a very lively complexion, very sparkling eyes, tempting +looks, which spared nothing that might ensnare a lover, and promised +everything which could preserve him. In the end, it very plainly +appeared that her consent went along with her eyes to the last degree of +indiscretion. + +It was between these two goddesses that the inclinations of the +Chevalier de Grammont stood wavering, and between whom his presents were +divided. Perfumed gloves, pocket looking-glasses, elegant boxes, apricot +paste, essences, and other small wares of love, arrived every week from +Paris, with some new suit for himself; but, with regard to more solid +presents, such as ear-rings, diamonds, brilliants, and bright guineas, +all this was to be met with of the best sort in London, and the ladies +were as well pleased with them as if they had been brought from abroad. + +Miss Stewart’s beauty began at this time to be celebrated. + + [Frances, Duchess of Richmond, daughter of Walter Stewart, son of + Walter, Baron of Blantyre, and wife of Charles Stewart, Duke of + Richmond and Lennox: a lady of exquisite beauty, if justly + represented in a puncheon made by Roettiere, his majesty’s engraver + of the mint, in order to strike a medal of her, which exhibits the + finest face that perhaps was ever seen. The king was supposed to be + desperately in love with her; and it became common discourse, that + there was a design on foot to get him divorced from the queen, in + order to marry this lady. Lord Clarendon was thought to have + promoted the match with the Duke of Richmond, thereby to prevent the + other design, which he imagined would hurt the king’s character, + embroil his affairs at present, and entail all the evils of a + disputed succession on the nation. Whether he actually encouraged + the Duke of Richmond’s marriage, doth not appear; but it is certain + that he was so strongly possessed of the king’s inclination to a + divorce, that, even after his disgrace, he was persuaded the Duke of + Buckingham had under taken to carry that matter through the + parliament. It is certain too that the king considered him as the + chief promoter of Miss Stewart’s marriage, and resented it in the + highest degree. (See Pepys’ Diaries. Ed.) The ceremony took place + privately, and it was publicly declared in April, 1667. From one of + Sir Robert Southwell’s dispatches, dated Lisbon, December 12, + 1667, it appears that the report of the queen’s intended divorce had + not then subsided in her native country.--History of the Revolutions + of Portugal, 1740, p. 352. The duchess became a widow in 1672, and + died October 15, 1702. See Burnet’s History, Ludlow’s Memoirs, and + Carte’s Life of the Duke of Ormond. A figure in wax of this duchess + is still to be seen in Westminster-abbey.] + +The Countess of Castlemaine perceived that the king paid attention to +her; but, instead of being alarmed at it, she favoured, as far as she +was able, this new inclination, whether from an indiscretion common +to all those who think themselves superior to the rest of mankind, or +whether she designed, by this pastime, to divert the king’s attention +from the commerce which she held with Jermyn. She was not satisfied with +appearing without any degree of uneasiness at a preference which all +the court began to remark: she even affected to make Miss Stewart her +favourite, and invited her to all the entertainments she made for +the king; and, in confidence of her own charms, with the greatest +indiscretion, she often kept her to sleep. The king, who seldom +neglected to visit the countess before she rose, seldom failed likewise +to find Miss Stewart in bed with her. The most indifferent objects have +charms in a new attachment: however, the imprudent countess was not +jealous of this rival’s appearing with her, in such a situation, being +confident, that whenever she thought fit, she could triumph over all the +advantages which these opportunities could afford Miss Stewart; but she +was quite mistaken. + +The Chevalier de Grammont took notice of this conduct, without being +able to comprehend it; but, as he was attentive to the inclinations of +the king, he began to make his court to him, by enhancing the merit +of this new mistress. Her figure was more showy than engaging: it was +hardly possible for a woman to have less wit, or more beauty: all her +features were fine and regular; but her shape was not good: yet she was +slender, straight enough, and taller than the generality of women: she +was very graceful, danced well, and spoke French better than her mother +tongue: she was well bred, and possessed, in perfection, that air of +dress which is so much admired, and which cannot be attained, unless it +be taken when young, in France. While her charms were gaining ground +in the king’s heart, the Countess of Castlemaine amused herself in the +gratification of all her caprices. + +Mrs. Hyde was one of the first of the beauties who were prejudiced with +a blind prepossession in favour of Jermyn she had just married a +man whom she loved: by this marriage she became sister-in-law to the +duchess, brilliant by her own native lustre, and full of pleasantry and +wit. However, she was of opinion, that so long as she was not talked of +on account of Jermyn, all her other advantages would avail nothing for +her glory: it was, therefore, to receive this finishing stroke, that she +resolved to throw herself into his arms. + +She was of a middle size, had a skin of a dazzling whiteness, fine +hands, and a foot surprisingly beautiful, even in England: long custom +had given such a languishing tenderness to her looks, that she never +opened her eyes but like a Chinese; and, when she ogled, one would have +thought she was doing something else. + +Jermyn accepted of her at first; but, being soon puzzled what to do +with her, he thought it best to sacrifice her to Lady Castlemaine. The +sacrifice was far from being displeasing to her; it was much to her +glory to have carried off Jermyn from so many competitors; but this was +of no consequence in the end. + +Jacob Hall (the famous rope-dancer) was at that time in vogue in London; +his strength and agility charmed in public, even to a wish to know what +he was in private; for he appeared, in his tumbling dress, to be quite +of a different make, and to have limbs very different from the fortunate +Jermyn. + + [“There was a symmetry and elegance, as well as strength and + agility, in the person of Jacob Hall, which was much admired by the + ladies, who regarded him as a due composition of Hercules and + Adonis. The open-hearted Duchess of Cleveland was said to have been + in love with this rope-dancer and Goodman the player at the same + time. The former received a salary from her grace.”--Granger, vol. + ii., part 2, p. 461. In reference to the connection between the + duchess and the ropedancer, Mr. Pope introduced the following lines + into his “Sober Advice from Horace:” + + “What push’d poor E--s on th’ imperial whore? + ‘Twas but to be where Charles had been before, + The fatal steel unjustly was apply’d, + When not his lust offended, but his pride + Too hard a penance for defeated sin, + Himself shut out, and Jacob Hall let in.”] + +The tumbler did not deceive Lady Castlemaine’s expectations, if report +may be believed; and as was intimated in many a song, much more to the +honour of the rope-dancer than of the countess; but she despised all +these rumours, and only appeared still more handsome. + +While satire thus found employment at her cost, there were continual +contests for the favours of another beauty, who was not much more +niggardly in that way than herself; this was the Countess of Shrewsbury. + +The Earl of Arran, who had been one of her first admirers, was not one +of the last to desert her; this beauty, less famous for her conquests +than for the misfortunes she occasioned, placed her greatest merits in +being more capricious than any other. As no person could boast of being +the only one in her favour; so no person could complain of having been +ill received. + +Jermyn was displeased that she had made no advances to him, without +considering that she had no leisure for it; his pride was offended; but +the attempt which he made to take her from the rest of her lovers was +very ill-advised. + +Thomas Howard, brother to the Earl of Carlisle, was one of them; there +was not a braver, nor a more genteel man in England; and though he was +of a modest demeanour, and his manners appeared gentle and pacific, +no person was more spirited nor more passionate. Lady Shrewsbury, +inconsiderately returning the first ogles of the invincible Jermyn, did +not at all make herself more agreeable to Howard; that, however, she +paid little attention to; yet, as she designed to keep fair with him, +she consented to accept an entertainment which he had often proposed, +and which she durst no longer refuse. A place of amusement, called +Spring Garden,--was fixed upon for the scene of this entertainment. + +As soon as the party was settled, Jermyn was privately informed of it. +Howard had a company in the regiment of guards, and one of the soldiers +of his company played pretty well on the bagpipes; this soldier was +therefore at the entertainment. Jermyn was at the garden, as by chance; +and, puffed up with his former successes, he trusted to his victorious +air for accomplishing this last enterprise; he no sooner appeared on the +walks, than her ladyship showed herself upon the balcony. + +I know not how she stood affected to her hero; but Howard did not fancy +him much; this did not prevent his coming up stairs upon the first sign +she made to him; and not content with acting the petty tyrant, at an +entertainment not made for himself, no sooner had he gained the soft +looks of the fair one, than he exhausted all his common-place, and all +his stock of low irony, in railing at the entertainment, and ridiculing +the music. + + [Spring Garden: They stay there so long as if they wanted not time + to finish the race; for it is usual here to find some of the young + company till midnight; and the thickets of the garden seem to be + contrived to all advantages of gallantry, after they have refreshed + with the collation, which is here seldom omitted, at a certain + cabaret, in the middle of this paradise, where the forbidden fruits + are certain trifling tarts, newts’ tongues, spacious meats, and bad + Rhenish, for which the gallants pay sauce, as indeed they do at all + such houses throughout England; for they think it a piece of + frugality beneath them to bargain or account for what they eat in + any place, however unreasonably imposed upon.’’-Character of + England, 12mo., 1659, p. 56, written, it is said, by John Evelyn, + Esq. Spring Garden is the scene of intrigue in many of our comedies + of this period.] + +Howard possessed but little raillery, and still less patience; three +times was the banquet on the point of being stained with blood; but +three times did he suppress his natural impetuosity, in order to satisfy +his resentment elsewhere with greater freedom. + +Jermyn, without paying the least attention to his ill-humour, pursued +his point, continued talking to Lady Shrewsbury, and did not leave her +until the repast was ended. + +He went to bed, proud of this triumph, and was awakened next morning by +a challenge. He took for his second Giles Rawlings, a man of intrigue, +and a deep player. Howard took Dillon, who was dexterous and brave, much +of a gentleman, and, unfortunately, an intimate friend to Rawlings. + +In this duel fortune did not side with the votaries of love poor +Rawlings was left stone dead; and Jermyn, having received three wounds, +was carried to his uncle’s, with very little signs of life. + +While the report of this event engaged the courtiers according to their +several interests, the Chevalier de Grammont was informed by Jones, his +friend, his confidant, and his rival, that there was another gentleman +very attentive to Mrs. Middleton: this was Montagu, no very dangerous +rival on account of his person, but very much to be feared for his +assiduity, the acuteness of his wit, and for some other talents which +are of importance, when a man is once permitted to display them. + +There needed not half so much to bring into action all the Chevalier’s +vivacity, in point of competition: vexation awakened in him whatever +expedients the desire of revenge, malice, and experience, could suggest, +for troubling the designs of a rival, and tormenting a mistress. His +first intention was to return her letters, and demand his presents, +before he began to tease her; but, rejecting this project, as too weak a +revenge for the injustice done him, he was upon the point of conspiring +the destruction of poor Mrs. Middleton, when, by accident, he met with +Miss Hamilton. From this moment ended all his resentment against Mrs. +Middleton, and all his attachment to Miss Warmestre: no longer was he +inconstant: no longer were his wishes fluctuating: this object +fixed them all; and, of all his former habits, none remained, except +uneasiness and jealousy. + +Here his first care was to please; but he very plainly saw, that to +succeed he must act quite in a different manner to that which he had +been accustomed to. + +The family of the Hamiltons, being very numerous, lived in a large +and commodious house, near the court: the Duke of Ormond’s family was +continually with them; and here persons of the greatest distinction in +London, constantly met: the Chevalier de Grammont was here received in +a manner agreeable to his merit and quality, and was astonished that +he had spent so much time in other places; for, after having made this +acquaintance, he was desirous of no other. + +All the world agreed that Miss Hamilton was worthy of the most ardent +and sincere affection: nobody could boast a nobler birth, nothing was +more charming than her person. + + [Elizabeth, sister of the author of these Memoirs, and daughter of + Sir George Hamilton, fourth son of James, the first Earl of + Abercorn, by Mary, third daughter of Thomas, Viscount Thurles, + eldest son of Walter, eleventh Earl of Ormond, and sister to James, + the first Duke of Ormond. She married Philibert, Count of Grammont, + the hero of these Memoirs, by whom she had two daughters: Claude + Charlotte, married, 3rd April, 1694, to Henry, Earl of Stafford; and + another, who became superior, or abbess, of the Canonesses in + Lorraine.] + + + + +CHAPTER SEVENTH. HE FALLS IN LOVE WITH MISS HAMILTON--VARIOUS ADVENTURES +AT THE BALL IN THE QUEEN’S DRAWING-ROOM--CURIOUS VOYAGE OF HIS +VALET-DE-CHAMBRE TO AND FROM PARIS + + +The Chevalier de Grammont, never satisfied in his amours, was fortunate +without being beloved, and became jealous without having an attachment. + +Mrs. Middleton, as we have said, was going to experience what methods +he could invent to torment, after having experienced his powers of +pleasing. + +He went in search of her to the queen’s drawing-room, where there was +a ball; there she was; but fortunately for her, Miss Hamilton was there +likewise. It had so happened, that of all the beautiful women at Court, +this was the lady whom he had least seen, and whom he had heard most +commended; this, therefore, was the first time that he had a close view +of her, and he soon found that he had seen nothing at court before this +instant; he asked her some questions, to which she replied; as long as +she was dancing, his eyes were fixed upon her; and from this time he no +longer resented Mrs. Middleton’s conduct. Miss Hamilton was at the happy +age when the charms of the fair sex begin to bloom; she had the finest +shape, the loveliest neck, and most beautiful arms in the world; she +was majestic and graceful in all her movements; and she was the original +after which all the ladies copied in their taste and air of dress. Her +forehead was open, white, and smooth; her hair was well set, and fell +with ease into that natural order which it is so difficult to imitate. +Her complexion was possessed of a certain freshness, not to be equalled +by borrowed colours: her eyes were not large, but they were lively, +and capable of expressing whatever she pleased: her mouth was full of +graces, and her contour uncommonly perfect; nor was her nose, which was +small, delicate, and turned up, the least ornament of so lovely a face. +In fine, her air, her carriage, and the numberless graces dispersed over +her whole person, made the Chevalier de Grammont not doubt but that +she was possessed of every other qualification. Her mind was a +proper companion for such a form: she did not endeavour to shine in +conversation by those sprightly sallies which only puzzle; and with +still greater care she avoided that affected solemnity in her discourse, +which produces stupidity; but, without any eagerness to talk, she just +said what she ought, and no more. She had an admirable discernment +in distinguishing between solid and false wit; and far from making an +ostentatious display of her abilities, she was reserved, though very +just in her decisions: her sentiments were always noble, and even lofty +to the highest extent, when there was occasion; nevertheless, she was +less prepossessed with her own merit than is usually the case with those +who have so much. Formed, as we have described, she could not fail +of commanding love; but so far was she from courting it, that she was +scrupulously nice with respect to those whose merit might entitle them +to form any pretensions to her. + +The more the Chevalier de Grammont was convinced of these truths, +the more did he endeavour to please and engage her in his turn: +his entertaining wit, his conversation, lively, easy, and always +distinguished by novelty, constantly gained him attention; but he was +much embarrassed to find that presents, which so easily made their way +in his former method of courtship, were no longer proper in the mode +which, for the future, he was obliged to pursue. + +He had an old valet-de-chambre, called Termes, a bold thief, and a still +more impudent liar: he used to send this man from London every week, on +the commissions we have before mentioned; but after the disgrace of +Mrs. Middleton, and the adventure of Miss Warmestre, Mr. Termes was only +employed in bringing his master’s clothes from Paris, and he did not +always acquit himself with the greatest fidelity in that employment, as +will appear hereafter. + +The queen was a woman of sense, and used all her endeavours to please +the king, by that kind obliging behaviour which her affection made +natural to her: she was particularly attentive in promoting every sort +of pleasure and amusement especially such as she could be present at +herself. + +She had contrived, for this purpose, a splendid masquerade, where those, +whom she appointed to dance, had to represent different nations; she +allowed some time for preparation, during which we may suppose, the +tailors, the mantua makers, and embroiderers, were not idle: nor were +the beauties, who were to be there, less anxiously employed; however, +Miss Hamilton found time enough to invent two or three little tricks, in +a conjuncture so favourable, for turning into ridicule the vain fools of +the court. There were two who were very eminently such: the one was Lady +Muskerry, who had married her cousin-german; and the other a maid of +honour to the Duchess, called Blague. + +The first, whose husband most assuredly never married her for beauty, +was made like the generality of rich heiresses, to whom just nature +seems sparing of her gifts, in proportion as they are loaded with those +of fortune: she had the shape of a woman big with child, without being +so; but had a very good reason for limping; for, of two legs uncommonly +short, one was much shorter than the other. A face suitable to this +description gave the finishing stroke to this disagreeable figure. + +Miss Blague was another species of ridicule: her shape was neither good +nor bad: her countenance bore the appearance of the greatest insipidity, +and her complexion was the same all over; with two little hollow eyes, +adorned with white eye-lashes, as long as one’s finger. With these +attractions she placed herself in ambuscade to surprise unwary hearts; +but she might have done so in vain, had it not been for the arrival +of the Marquis de Brisacier. Heaven seemed to have made them for each +other: he had in his person and manners every requisite to dazzle a +creature of her character he talked eternally, without saying anything, +and in his dress exceeded the most extravagant fashions. Miss Blague +believed that all this finery was on her account; and the Marquis +believed that her long eyelashes had never taken aim at any but himself: +everybody perceived their inclination for each other; but they had only +conversed by mute interpreters, when Miss Hamilton took it into her head +to intermeddle in their affairs. + +She was willing to do everything in order, and therefore began with her +cousin Muskerry, on account of her rank. Her two darling foibles were +dress and dancing. Magnificence of dress was intolerable with her +figure; and though her dancing was still more insupportable, she never +missed a ball at court: and the queen had so much complaisance for the +public, as always to make her dance; but it was impossible to give her +a part in an entertainment so important and splendid as this masquerade: +however, she was dying with impatience for the orders she expected. + +It was in consequence of this impatience, of which Miss Hamilton was +informed, that she founded the design of diverting herself at the +expense of this silly woman. The queen sent notes to those whom she +appointed to be present, and described the manner in which they were +to be dressed. Miss Hamilton wrote a note exactly in the same manner to +Lady Muskerry, with directions for her to be dressed in the Babylonian +fashion. + +She assembled her counsel to advise about the means of sending it: this +cabinet was composed of one of her brothers and a sister, who were glad +to divert themselves at the expense of those who deserved it. After +having consulted some time, they at last resolved upon a mode of +conveying it into her own hands. Lord Muskerry was just going out, when +she received it: he was a man of honour, rather serious, very severe, +and a mortal enemy to ridicule. His wife’s deformity was not so +intolerable to him, as the ridiculous figure she made upon all +occasions. He thought that he was safe in the present case, not +believing that the queen would spoil her masquerade by naming Lady +Muskerry as one of the dancers nevertheless, as he was acquainted with +the passion his wife had to expose herself in public, by her dress and +dancing, he had just been advising her very seriously to content herself +with being a spectator of this entertainment, even though the queen +should have the cruelty to engage her in it: he then took the liberty to +show her what little similarity there was between her figure, and that +of persons to whom dancing and magnificence in dress were allowable. His +sermon concluded at last, by an express prohibition to solicit a place +at this entertainment, which they had no thoughts of giving her; but far +from taking his advice in good part, she imagined that he was the only +person who had prevented the queen from doing her an honour she so +ardently desired; and as soon as he was gone out, her design was to go +and throw herself at her Majesty’s feet to demand justice. She was in +this very disposition when she received the billet: three times did +she kiss it; and without regarding her husband’s injunctions, she +immediately got into her coach in order to get information of the +merchants who traded to the Levant, in what manner the ladies of quality +dressed in Babylon. + +The plot laid for Miss Blague was of a different kind: she had such +faith in her charms, and was so confident of their effects, that she +could believe anything. Brisacier, whom she looked upon as desperately +smitten, had wit, which he set off with common-place talk, and +with little sonnets: he sung out of tune most methodically, and was +continually exerting one or other of these happy talents: the Duke of +Buckingham did all he could to spoil him, by the praises he bestowed +both upon his voice and upon his wit. + +Miss Blague, who hardly understood a word of French, regulated herself +upon the Duke’s authority, in admiring the one and the other. It was +remarked, that all the words which he sung to her were in praise of fair +women, and that always taking this to herself, she cast down her eyes +in acknowledgment and consciousness. It was upon these observations they +resolved to make a jest of her, the first opportunity. + +While these little projects were forming, the king, who always wished to +oblige the Chevalier de Grammont, asked him, if he would make one at the +masquerade, on condition of being Miss Hamilton’s partner? He did not +pretend to dance sufficiently well for an occasion like the present; yet +he was far from refusing the offer: “Sire,” said he, “of all the favours +you have been pleased to show me, since my arrival, I feel this more +sensibly than any other; and to convince you of my gratitude, I promise +you all the good offices in my power with Miss Stewart.” He said this, +because they had just given her an apartment separate from the rest of +the maids of honour, which made the courtiers begin to pay respect +to her. The king was very well pleased at this pleasantry, and having +thanked him for so necessary an offer: “Monsieur le Chevalier,” said he, +“in what style do you intend to dress yourself for the ball? I leave you +the choice of all countries.” “If so,” said the Chevalier, “I will dress +after the French manner, in order to disguise myself; for they already +do me the honour to take me for an Englishman in your city of London. +Had it not been for this, I should have wished to have appeared as a +Roman; but for fear of embroiling myself with Prince Rupert, who so +warmly espouses the interests of Alexander against Lord Thanet, who +declares himself for Caesar, I dare no longer think of assuming the +hero: nevertheless, though I may dance awkwardly, yet, by observing +the tune, and with a little alertness, I hope to come off pretty well; +besides, Miss Hamilton will take care that too much attention shall +not be paid to me. As for my dress, I shall send Termes off tomorrow +morning; and if I do not show you at his return the most splendid habit +you have ever seen, look upon mine as the most disgraced nation in your +masquerade.” + +Termes set out with ample instructions, on the subject of his journey: +and his master, redoubling his impatience on an occasion like the +present, before the courier could be landed, began to count the minutes +in expectation of his return: thus was he employed until the very eve of +the ball; and that was the day that Miss Hamilton and her little society +had fixed for the execution of their project. + +Martial gloves were then very much in fashion: she had by chance several +pairs of them: she sent one to Miss Blague, accompanied with four yards +of yellow riband, the palest she could find, to which she added this +note: + +“You were the other day more charming than all the fair women in the +world: you looked yesterday still more fair than you did the day before: +if you go on, what will become of my heart? But it is a long time since +that has been a prey to your pretty little young wild boar’s eyes. Shall +you be at the masquerade to-morrow? But can there be any charms at an +entertainment, at which you are not present? It does not signify: I +shall know you in whatever disguise you may be: but I shall be better +informed of my fate, by the present I send you: you will wear knots of +this riband in your hair; and these gloves will kiss the most beautiful +hands in the universe.” + +This billet, with the present, was delivered to Miss Blague with the +same success as the other had been conveyed to Lady Muskerry. Miss +Hamilton had just received an account of it, when the latter came to pay +her a visit: something seemed to possess her thoughts very much; +when, having stayed some time, her cousin desired her to walk into her +cabinet. As soon as they were there: “I desire your secrecy for what +I am going to tell you,” said Lady Muskerry. “Do not you wonder what +strange creatures men are? Do not trust to them, my dear cousin: my Lord +Muskerry, who, before our marriage, could have passed whole days and +nights in seeing me dance, thinks proper now to forbid me dancing, and +says it does not become me. This is not all: he has so often rung in my +ears the subject of this masquerade, that I am obliged to hide from him +the honour the queen has done me, in inviting me to it. However, I am +surprised I am not informed who is to be my partner: but if you knew +what a plague it is, to find out, in this cursed town, in what manner +the people of Babylon dress, you would pity me for what I have suffered +since the time I have been appointed: besides, the cost which it puts me +to is beyond all imagination.” + +Here it was that Miss Hamilton’s inclination to laugh, which had +increased in proportion as she endeavoured to suppress it, at length +overcame her, and broke out in an immoderate fit: Lady Muskerry took it +in good humour, not doubting but it was the fantastical conduct of +her husband that she was laughing at. Miss Hamilton told her that all +husbands were much the same, and that one ought not to be concerned +at their whims; that she did not know who was to be her partner at the +masquerade; but that, as she was named, the gentleman named with +her would certainly not fail to attend her; although she could not +comprehend why he had not yet declared himself, unless he likewise had +some fantastical spouse, who had forbid him to dance. + +This conversation being finished, Lady Muskerry went away in great +haste, to endeavour to learn some news of her partner. Those who were +accomplices in the plot were laughing very heartily at this visit, when +Lord Muskerry paid them one in his turn, and taking Miss Hamilton aside: +“Do you know,” said he, “whether there is to be any ball in the city +tomorrow?” “No,” said she; “but why do you ask?” “Because,” said he, “I +am informed that my wife is making great preparations of dress. I know +very well she is not to be at the masquerade: that I have taken care of; +but as the devil is in her for dancing, I am very much afraid that she +will be affording some fresh subject for ridicule, notwithstanding all +my precautions: however, if it was amongst the citizens, at some private +party, I should not much mind it.” + +They satisfied him as well as they could, and having dismissed him, +under pretence of a thousand things they had to prepare for the next +day, Miss Hamilton thought herself at liberty for that morning, when +in came Miss Price, one of the maids of honour to the Duchess. This was +just what she was wishing for: This lady and Miss Blague had been at +variance some time, on account of Duncan, whom Miss Price had drawn away +from the other; and hatred still subsisted between these two divinities. + +Though the maids of honour were not nominated for the masquerade, yet +they were to assist at it; and, consequently, were to neglect nothing to +set themselves off to advantage. Miss Hamilton had still another pair of +gloves of the same sort as those she had sent to Miss Blague, which she +made a present of to her rival, with a few knots of the same riband, +which appeared to have been made on purpose for her, brown as she was. +Miss Price returned her a thousand thanks, and promised to do herself +the honour of wearing them at the ball. “You will oblige me if you do,” + said Miss Hamilton, “but if you mention that such a trifle as this comes +from me, I shall never forgive you; but,” continued she, “do not go and +rob poor Miss Blague of the Marquis Brisacier, as you already have of +Duncan: I know very well that it is wholly in your power: you have wit: +you speak French: and were he once to converse with you ever so little +the other could have no pretensions to him.” This was enough: Miss +Blague was only ridiculous and coquettish: Miss Price was ridiculous, +coquettish, and something else besides. + +The day being come, the court, more splendid than ever, exhibited all +its magnificence at this masquerade. The company were all met except the +Chevalier de Grammont: every body was astonished that he should be one +of the last at such a time, as his readiness was so remarkable on every +occasion; but they were still more surprised to see him at length appear +in an ordinary court-dress, which he had worn before. The thing was +preposterous on such an occasion, and very extraordinary with respect +to him: in vain had he the finest point-lace, with the largest and best +powdered peruke imaginable his dress, magnificent enough for any other +purpose, was not at all proper for this entertainment. + +The king immediately took notice of it: “Chevalier,” said he, “Termes +is not arrived then?” “Pardon me, sire,” said he, “God be thanked!” “Why +God be thanked?” said the king; “has anything happened to him on the +road?” “Sire,” said the Chevalier de Grammont, “this is the history of +my dress, and of Termes, my messenger.” At these words the ball, +ready to begin, was suspended: the dancers making a circle around the +Chevalier de Grammont, he continued his story in the following manner: + +“It is now two days since this fellow ought to have been here, according +to my orders and his protestations: you may judge of my impatience all +this day, when I found he did not come: at last, after I had heartily +cursed him, about an hour ago he arrived, splashed all over from head +to foot, booted up to the waist, and looking as if he had been +excommunicated ‘Very well, Mr. Scoundrel,’ said I, ‘this is just like +you, you must be waited for to the very last minute, and it is a miracle +that you are arrived at all.’ ‘Yes, faith,’ said he, ‘it is a miracle. +You are always grumbling: I had the finest suit in the world made for +you, which the Duke de Guise himself was at the trouble of ordering.’ +‘Give it me then, scoundrel,’ said I. ‘Sir,’ said he, ‘if I did not +employ a dozen embroiderers upon it, who did nothing but work day and +night, I am a rascal: I never left them one moment: ‘And where is +it traitor?’ said I: ‘do not stand here prating, while I should be +dressing.’ ‘I had,’ continued he, ‘packed it up, made it tight, and +folded it in such a manner, that all the rain in the world could never +have been able to reach it; and I rid post, day and night, knowing your +impatience, and that you were not to be trifled with.’ ‘But where is +it?’ said I. ‘Lost, sir,’ said he, clasping his hands. ‘How! lost,’ +said I, in surprise. ‘Yes, lost, perished, swallowed up: what can I say +more?’ ‘What! was the packet-boat cast away then?’ said I. ‘Oh! indeed, +sir, a great deal worse, as you shall see,’ answered he: ‘I was within +half a league of Calais yesterday morning, and I was resolved to go by +the sea-side, to make greater haste; but, indeed, they say very true, +that nothing is like the highway; for I got into a quicksand, where I +sunk up to the chin.’ ‘A quicksand,’ said I, ‘near Calais?’ ‘Yes, sir,’ +said he, ‘and such a quicksand that, the devil take me, if they saw +anything but the top of my head when they pulled me out: as for my +horse, fifteen men could scarce get him out; but the portmanteau, where +I had unfortunately put your clothes, could never be found: it must be +at least a league under ground.’ + +“This, sire,” continued the Chevalier de Grammont, “is the adventure, +and the relation which this honest gentleman has given me of it. I +should certainly have killed him, but I was afraid of making Miss +Hamilton wait, and I was desirous of giving your Majesty immediate +advice of the quicksand, that your couriers may take care to avoid it.” + +The King was ready to split his sides with laughing, when the Chevalier +de Grammont, resuming the discourse, “apropos, sire,” said he, “I had +forgot to tell you, that, to increase my ill-humour, I was stopped, as +I was getting out of my chair, by the devil of a phantom in masquerade, +who would by all means persuade me that the queen had commanded me +to dance with her; and as I excused myself with the least rudeness +possible, she charged me to find out who was to be her partner, and +desired me to send him to her immediately so that your Majesty will do +well to give orders about it; for she has placed herself in ambush in +a coach, to seize upon all those who pass through Whitehall. However, +I must tell you, that it is worth while to see her dress; for she must +have at least sixty ells of gauze and silver tissue about her, not +to mention a sort of a pyramid upon her head, adorned with a hundred +thousand baubles.” + +This last account surprised all the assembly, except those who had a +share in the plot. The queen assured them, that all she had appointed +for the ball were present; and the king, having paused some minutes: “I +bet,” said he, “that it is the Duchess of Newcastle.” “And I,” said Lord +Muskerry, coming up to Miss Hamilton, “will bet it is another fool; for +I am very much mistaken if it is not my wife.” + +The king was for sending to know who it was, and to bring her in: +Lord Muskerry offered himself for that service, for the reason already +mentioned; and it was very well he did so. Miss Hamilton was not sorry +for this, knowing very well that he was not mistaken in his conjecture; +the jest would have gone much farther than she intended, if the Princess +of Babylon had appeared in all her glory. + +The ball was not very well executed, if one maybe allowed the +expression, so long as they danced only slow dances; and yet there were +as good dancers, and as beautiful women in this assembly, as were to be +found in the whole world: but as their number was not great, they left +the French, and went to country dances. When they had danced some time, +the king thought fit to introduce his auxiliaries, to give the others +a little respite; the queen’s and the duchess’s maids of honour were +therefore called in to dance with the gentlemen. + +Then it was that they were at leisure to take notice of Miss Blague, +and they found that the billet they had conveyed to her on the part of +Brisacier had its effect: she was more yellow than saffron: her hair was +stuffed with the citron-coloured riband, which she had put there out of +complaisance; and, to inform Brisacier of his fate, she raised often to +her head her victorious hands, adorned with the gloves we have before +mentioned: but, if they were surprised to see her in a head-dress that +made her look more wan than ever, she was very differently surprised +to see Miss Price partake with her in every particular of Brisacier’s +present: her surprise soon turned to jealousy; for her rival had not +failed to join in conversation with him, on account of what had been +insinuated to her the evening before; nor did Brisacier fail to return +her first advances, without paying the least attention to the fair +Blague, nor to the signs which she was tormenting herself to make him, +to inform him of his happy destiny. + +Miss Price was short and thick, and consequently no dancer, the Duke of +Buckingham, who brought Brisacier forward as often as he could, came to +desire him, on the part of the king, to dance with Miss Blague, without +knowing what was then passing in this nymph’s heart: Brisacier excused +himself, on account of the contempt that he had for country dances: Miss +Blague thought that it was herself that he despised; and, seeing that he +was engaged in conversation with her mortal enemy, she began to dance, +without knowing what she was doing. Though her indignation and jealousy +were sufficiently remarkable to divert the court, none but Miss Hamilton +and her accomplices, understood the joke perfectly: their pleasure was +quite complete; for Lord Muskerry returned, still more confounded at the +vision, of which the Chevalier de Grammont had given the description. He +acquainted Miss Hamilton, that it was Lady Muskerry herself, a thousand +times more ridiculous than she had ever been before, and that he had had +an immense trouble to get her home, and place a sentry at her chamber +door. + +The reader may think, perhaps, that we have dwelt too long on these +trifling incidents; perhaps he may be right. We will therefore pass to +others. + +Everything favoured the Chevalier de Grammont in the new passion which +he entertained: he was not, however, without rivals; but, what is +a great deal more extraordinary, he was without uneasiness: he was +acquainted with their understandings, and no stranger to Miss Hamilton’s +way of thinking. + +Among her lovers, the most considerable, though the least professedly +so, was the Duke of York: it was in vain for him to conceal it, the +court was too well acquainted with his character to doubt of his +inclinations for her. He did not think it proper to declare such +sentiments as were not fit for Miss Hamilton to hear; but he talked to +her as much as he could, and ogled her with great assiduity. As hunting +was his favourite diversion, that sport employed him one part of the +day, and he came home generally much fatigued; but Miss Hamilton’s +presence revived him, when he found her either with the queen or the +duchess. There it was that, not daring to tell her of what lay heavy on +his heart, he entertained her with what he had in his head: telling her +miracles of the cunning of foxes and the mettle of horses; giving +her accounts of broken legs and arms, dislocated shoulders, and other +curious and entertaining adventures; after which, his eyes told her the +rest, till such time as sleep interrupted their conversation; for these +tender interpreters could not help sometimes composing themselves in the +midst of their ogling. + +The duchess was not at all alarmed at a passion which her rival was far +from thinking sincere, and with which she used to divert herself, as +far as respect would admit her; on the contrary, as her highness had +an affection and esteem for Miss Hamilton, she never treated her more +graciously than on the present occasion. + +The two Russells, uncle and nephew,--were two other of the Chevalier +de Grammont’s rivals: the uncle was full seventy, and had distinguished +himself by his courage and fidelity in the civil wars. His passions and +intentions, with regard to Miss Hamilton, appeared both at once; but +his magnificence only appeared by halves in those gallantries which love +inspires. It was not long since the fashion of high crowned hats had +been left off, in order to fall into the other extreme. Old Russell, +amazed at so terrible a change, resolved to keep a medium, which made +him remarkable: he was still more so, by his constancy for cut +doublets, which he supported a long time after they had been universally +suppressed; but, what was more surprising than all, was a certain +mixture of avarice and liberality, constantly at war with each other, +ever since he had entered the list with love. + +His nephew was only of a younger brother’s family, but was considered as +his uncle’s heir; and though he was under the necessity of attending to +his uncle for an establishment, and still more so of humouring him, in +order to get his estate, he could not avoid his fate. Mrs. Middleton +showed him a sufficient degree of preference; but her favours could not +secure him from the charms of Miss Hamilton: his person would have had +nothing disagreeable in it, if he had but left it to nature; but he was +formal in all his actions, and silent even to stupidity; and yet rather +more tiresome when he did speak. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, very much at his ease in all these +competitions, engaged himself more and more in his passion, without +forming other designs, or conceiving other hopes, than to render himself +agreeable. Though his passion was openly declared, no person at court +regarded it otherwise than as a habit of gallantry, which goes no +farther than to do justice to merit. + +His monitor, Saint Evremond, was quite of a different opinion; +and finding, that, besides an immense increase of magnificence and +assiduity, he regretted those hours which he bestowed on play; that he +no longer sought after those long and agreeable conversations they used +to have together; and that this new attachment everywhere robbed him of +himself: + +“Monsieur le Chevalier,” said he, “methinks that for some time you +have left the town beauties and their lovers in perfect repose: Mrs. +Middleton makes fresh conquests with impunity, and wears your presents, +under your nose, without your taking the smallest notice. Poor Miss +Warmestre has been very quietly brought to bed in the midst of the +court, without your having even said a word about it. I foresaw it +plain enough, Monsieur le Chevalier, you have got acquainted with Miss +Hamilton, and, what has never before happened to you, you are really in +love; but let us consider a little what may be the consequence. In +the first place, then, I believe, you have not the least intention +of seducing her: such is her birth and merit, that if you were in +possession of the estate and title of your family, it might be excusable +in you to offer yourself upon honourable terms, however ridiculous +marriage may be in general; for, if you only wish for wit, prudence, +and the treasures of beauty, you could not pay your addresses to a more +proper person: but for you, who possess only a very moderate share of +those of fortune, you cannot pay your addresses more improperly. + +“For your brother Toulongeon, whose disposition I am acquainted with, +will not have the complaisance to die, to favour your pretensions: but +suppose you had a competent fortune for you both--and that is +supposing a good deal--are you acquainted with the delicacy, not to say +capriciousness, of this fair one about such an engagement? Do you know +that she has had the choice of the best matches in England? The Duke of +Richmond paid his addresses to her first; but though he was in love with +her, still he was mercenary: however, the king, observing that want of +fortune was the only impediment to the match, took that article upon +himself, out of regard to the Duke of Ormond, to the merit and birth of +Miss Hamilton, and to her father’s services; but, resenting that a +man, who pretended to be in love, should bargain like a merchant, and +likewise reflecting upon his character in the world, she did not think +that being Duchess of Richmond was a sufficient recompense for the +danger that was to be feared from a brute and a debauchee. + +“Has not little Jermyn, notwithstanding his uncle’s great estate, and +his own brilliant reputation, failed in his suit to her? And has she +ever so much as vouchsafed to look at Henry Howard, who is upon the +point of being the first duke in England, and who is already in actual +possession of all the estates of the house of Norfolk? I confess that he +is a clown, but what other lady in all England would not have dispensed +with his stupidity and his disagreeable person, to be the first duchess +in the kingdom, with twenty-five thousand a year? + +“To conclude, Lord Falmouth has told me himself, that he has always +looked upon her as the only acquisition wanting to complete his +happiness: but, that even at the height of the splendour of his fortune, +he never had had the assurance to open his sentiments to her; that +he either felt in himself too much weakness, or too much pride, to be +satisfied with obtaining her solely by the persuasion of her relations; +and that, though the first refusals of the fair on such occasions are +not much minded, he knew with what an air she had received the addresses +of those whose persons she did not like. After this, Monsieur le +Chevalier, consider what method you intend to pursue: for, if you are in +love, the passion will still increase, and the greater the attachment, +the less capable will you be of making those serious reflections that +are now in your power.” + +“My poor philosopher,” answered the Chevalier de Grammont, “you +understand Latin very well, you can make good verses, you understand +the course, and are acquainted with the nature of the stars in the +firmament; but, as for the luminaries of the terrestrial globe, you +are utterly unacquainted with them: you have told me nothing about Miss +Hamilton, but what the king told me three days ago. That she has refused +the savages you have mentioned is all in her favour if she had admitted +their addresses, I would have had nothing to say to her, though I love +her to distraction. Attend now to what I am going to say: I am resolved +to marry her, and I will have my tutor Saint Evremond himself to be the +first man to commend me for it. As for an establishment, I shall make my +peace with the king, and will solicit him to make her one of the ladies +of the bed-chamber to the queen: this he will grant me. Toulongeon will +die, without my assistance. + + [Count de Toulongeon was elder brother to Count Grammont, who, by + his death, in 1679, became, according to St. Evremond, on that + event, one of the richest noblemen at court.--See St. Evremond’s + Works. vol. ii., p. 327.] + +“Notwithstanding all his care; Miss Hamilton will have Semeat,--[A +country seat belonging to the family of the Grammonts.]--with the +Chevalier de Grammont, as an indemnification for the Norfolks and +Richmonds. Now, have you any thing to advance against this project? For +I will bet you an hundred louis, that everything will happen as I have +foretold it.” + +At this time the king’s attachment to Miss Stewart was so public, that +every person perceived, that if she was but possessed of art, she might +become as absolute a mistress over his conduct as she was over his +heart. This was a fine opportunity for those who had experience and +ambition. The Duke of Buckingham formed the design of governing her, in +order to ingratiate himself with the king: God knows what a governor he +would have been, and what a head he was possessed of, to guide another; +however, he was the properest man in the world to insinuate himself +with Miss Stewart: she was childish in her behaviour, and laughed at +everything, and her taste for frivolous amusements, though unaffected, +was only allowable in a girl about twelve or thirteen years old. A +child, however, she was, in every other respect, except playing with +a doll: blind man’s buff was her most favourite amusement: she was +building castles of cards, while the deepest play was going on in her +apartments, where you saw her surrounded by eager courtiers, who handed +her the cards, or young architects, who endeavoured to imitate her. + +She had, however, a passion for music, and had some taste for singing. +The Duke of Buckingham, who built the finest towers of cards imaginable, +had an agreeable voice: she had no aversion to scandal: and the duke was +both the father and the mother of scandal, he made songs, and invented +old women’s stories, with which she was delighted; but his particular +talent consisted in turning into ridicule whatever was ridiculous in +other people, and in taking them off, even in their presence, without +their perceiving it: in short, he knew how to act all parts with so much +grace and pleasantry, that it was difficult to do without him, when he +had a mind to make himself agreeable; and he made himself so necessary +to Miss Stewart’s amusement, that she sent all over the town to seek for +him, when he did not attend the king to her apartments. + +He was extremely handsome, and still thought himself much more so than +he really was: although he had a great deal of discernment, yet his +vanity made him mistake some civilities as intended for his person, +which were only bestowed on his wit and drollery: in short, being +seduced by too good an opinion of his own merit, he forgot his first +project and his Portuguese mistress, in order to pursue a fancy in which +he mistook himself; for he no sooner began to act a serious part with +Miss Stewart, than he met with so severe a repulse that he abandoned, +at once, all his designs upon her: however, the familiarity she had +procured him with the king, opened the way to those favours to which he +was afterwards advanced. + + [George Villiers, the second Duke of Buckingham, was born 30th + January, 1627. Lord Orford observes, “When this extraordinary man, + with the figure and genius of Alcibiades, could equally charm the + presbyterian Fairfax and the dissolute Charles; when he alike + ridiculed that witty king and his solemn chancellor: when he plotted + the ruin of his country with a cabal of bad ministers, or, equally + unprincipled, supported its cause with bad patriots,--one laments + that such parts should have been devoid of every virtue: but when + Alcibiades turns chemist; when he is a real bubble and a visionary + miser; when ambition is but a frolic; when the worst designs are for + the foolishest ends,--contempt extinguishes all reflection on his + character.”] + +Lord Arlington took up the project which the Duke of Buckingham had +abandoned, and endeavoured to gain possession of the mind of the +mistress, in order to govern the master. A man of greater merit and +higher birth than himself might, however, have been satisfied with the +fortune he had already acquired. His first negotiations were during +the treaty of the Pyrenees: and though he was unsuccessful in his +proceedings for his employer, yet he did not altogether lose his time; +for he perfectly acquired, in his exterior, the serious air and profound +gravity of the Spaniards, and imitated pretty well their tardiness in +business: he had a scar across his nose, which was covered by a long +patch, or rather by a small plaister, in form of a lozenge. + +Scars in the face commonly give a man a certain fierce and martial air, +which sets him off to advantage; but it was quite the contrary with him, +and this remarkable plaister so well suited his mysterious looks, that +it seemed an addition to his gravity and self-sufficiency. + +Arlington, under the mask of this compound countenance where great +earnestness passed for business, and impenetrable stupidity for secrecy, +had given himself the character of a great politician; and no one having +leisure to examine him, he was taken at his word, and had been made +minister and secretary of state, upon the credit of his own importance. + +His ambition soaring still above these high stations, after having +provided himself with a great number of fine maxims, and some historical +anecdotes, he obtained an audience of Miss Stewart, in order to display +them; at the same time offering her his most humble services, and best +advice, to assist her in conducting herself in the situation to which +it had pleased God and her virtue to raise her. But he was only in the +preface of his speech, when she recollected that he was at the head of +those whom the Duke of Buckingham used to mimic; and as his presence and +his language exactly revived the ridiculous ideas that had been given +her of him, she could not forbear bursting out into a fit of laughter in +his face, so much the more violent as she had for a long time struggled +to suppress it. + +The minister was enraged: his pride became his post, and his punctilious +behaviour merited all the ridicule which could be attached to it: he +quitted her abruptly, with all the fine advice he had prepared for her, +and was almost tempted to carry it to Lady Castlemaine, and to unite +himself with her interests; or immediately to quit the court party, and +declaim freely in parliament against the grievances of the state, and +particularly to propose an act to forbid the keeping of mistresses; but +his prudence conquered his resentments; and thinking only how to enjoy +with pleasure the blessings of fortune, he sent to Holland for a wife, +in order to complete his felicity. + +Hamilton was, of all the courtiers, the best qualified to succeed in +an enterprise, in which the Duke of Buckingham and Lord Arlington had +miscarried: he was thinking upon it; but his natural coquetry traversed +his intentions, and made him neglect the most advantageous prospects +in the world, in order unnecessarily to attend to the advances and +allurements thrown out to him by the Countess of Chesterfield. This was +one of the most agreeable women in the world: she had a most exquisite +shape, though she was not very tall; her complexion was extremely fair, +with all the expressive charms of a brunette; she had large blue eyes, +very tempting and alluring; her manners were engaging; her wit lively +and amusing; but her heart, ever open to tender sentiments, was neither +scrupulous in point of constancy, nor nice in point of sincerity. +She was daughter to the Duke of Ormond, and Hamilton, being her +cousin-german, they might be as much as they pleased in each other’s +company without being particular; but as soon as her eyes gave him some +encouragement, he entertained no other thoughts than how to please +her, without considering her fickleness, or the obstacles he had to +encounter. + + [This lady was Isabella, daughter to Lewis de Nassau, Lord Beverwaert, + son to Maurice, Prince of Orange, and Count Nassau. By her, Lord + Arlington had an only daughter, named Isabella.] + +His intention, which we mentioned before, of establishing himself in the +confidence of Miss Stewart, no longer occupied his thoughts: she now +was of opinion that she was capable of being the mistress of her own +conduct: she had done all that was necessary to inflame the king’s +passions, without exposing her virtue by granting the last favours; +but the eagerness of a passionate lover, blessed with favourable +opportunities, is difficult to withstand, and still more difficult to +vanquish; and Miss Stewart’s virtue was almost exhausted, when the queen +was attacked with a violent fever, which soon reduced her to extreme +danger. + +Then it was that Miss Stewart was greatly pleased with herself for the +resistance she had made, though she had paid dearly for it: a thousand +flattering hopes of greatness and glory filled her heart, and the +additional respect that was universally paid her, contributed not a +little to increase them. The queen was given over by her physicians: the +few Portuguese women that had not been sent back to their own country +filled the court with doleful cries; and the good nature of the king +was much affected with the situation in which he saw a princess, whom, +though he did not love her, yet he greatly esteemed. She loved him +tenderly, and thinking that it was the last time she should ever speak +to him, she told him, that the concern he showed for her death, was +enough to make her quit life with regret; but that not possessing charms +sufficient to merit his tenderness, she had at least the consolation in +dying to give place to a consort who might be more worthy of it, and to +whom heaven, perhaps, might grant a blessing that had been refused to +her. At these words, she bathed his hands with some tears, which he +thought would be her last: he mingled his own with hers; and without +supposing she would take him at his word, he conjured her to live for +his sake. She had never yet disobeyed him; and, however dangerous sudden +impulses may be, when one is between life and death, this transport +of joy, which might have proved fatal to her, saved her life, and the +king’s wonderful tenderness had an effect, for which every person did +not thank heaven in the same manner. + +Jermyn had now for some time been recovered of his wounds: however, Lady +Castlemaine, finding his health in as deplorable a condition as ever, +resolved to regain the king’s heart, but in vain: for notwithstanding +the softness of her tears, and the violence of her passions, Miss +Stewart wholly possessed it. During this period the court was variously +entertained: sometimes there were promenades, and at others the court +beauties sallied out on horseback, and to make attacks with their charms +and graces, sometimes successfully, sometimes otherwise, but always to +the best of their abilities at other seasons there were such shows on +the river, as the city of London alone can afford. + +The Thames washes the sides of a large though not a magnificent palace +of the kings of Great Britain:--[This was Whitehall, which was burnt +down, except the banqueting-house, 4th January, 1698.]--from the stairs +of this palace the court used to take water, in the summer evenings, +when the heat and dust prevented their walking in the park: an infinite +number of open boats, filled with the court and city beauties, attended +the barges, in which were the Royal Family: collations, music, and +fireworks, completed the scene. The Chevalier de Grammont always made +one of the company, and it was very seldom that he did not add something +of his own invention, agreeably to surprise by some unexpected stroke of +magnificence and gallantry. Sometimes he had complete concerts of vocal +and instrumental music, which he privately brought from Paris, and which +struck up on a sudden in the midst of these parties; sometimes he gave +banquets, which likewise came from France, and which, even in the +midst of London, surpassed the king’s collations. These entertainments +sometimes exceeded, as others fell short of his expectations, but they +always cost him an immense deal of money. + +Lord Falmouth was one of those who had the greatest friendship and +esteem for the Chevalier de Grammont: this profusion gave him concern, +and as he often used to go and sup with him without ceremony, one day +finding only Saint Evremond there, and a supper fit for half a +dozen guests, who had been invited in form: “You must not,” said he, +addressing himself to the Chevalier de Grammont, “be obliged to me for +this visit. I come from the king’s ‘coucher’, where all the discourse +was about you; and I can assure you that the manner in which the king +spoke of you, could not afford you so much pleasure as I myself felt +upon the occasion. You know very well, that he has long since offered +you his good offices with the King of France; and for my own part,” + continued he, smiling, “you know very well that I would solicit him so +to do, if it was not through fear of losing you as soon as your peace is +made; but, thanks to Miss Hamilton, you are in no great haste: however, +I am ordered by the king, my master, to acquaint you, that while you +remain here, until you are restored to the favour of your sovereign, he +presents you with a pension of fifteen hundred Jacobus’s: it is indeed a +trifle, considering the figure the Chevalier de Grammont makes among us; +but it will assist him,” said he, embracing him, “to give us sometimes a +supper.” + +The Chevalier de Grammont received, as he ought, the offer of a favour +he did not think proper to accept: “I acknowledge,” said he, “the king’s +bounty in this proposal, but I am still more sensible of Lord Falmouth’s +generosity in it; and I request him to assure his Majesty of my perfect +gratitude: the king, my master, will not suffer me to want, when he +thinks fit to recall me; and while I continue here, I will let you +see that I have wherewithal to give my English friends now and then a +supper.” + +At these words, he called for his strong box, and showed him seven or +eight thousand guineas in solid gold. Lord Falmouth, willing to improve +to the Chevalier’s advantage the refusal of so advantageous an offer, +gave Monsieur de Comminge, then ambassador at the English court, an +account of it; nor did Monsieur de Comminge fail to represent properly +the merit of such a refusal to the French court. + +Hyde Park, every one knows, is the promenade of London! nothing was so +much in fashion, during the fine weather, as that promenade, which was +the rendezvous of magnificence and beauty: every one, therefore, who +had either sparkling eyes, or a splendid equipage, constantly repaired +thither; and the king seemed pleased with the place. + +Coaches with glasses were then a late invention. + + [Coaches were first introduced into England in the year 1564. + Taylor, the water poet, (Works, 1630, p. 240,) says,--“One William + Boonen, a Dutchman, brought first the use of coaches hither; and the + said Boonen was Queen Elizabeth’s coachman; for, indeed, a coach was + a strange monster in those days, and the sight of them put both + horse and man into amazement.” Dr. Percy observes, they were first + drawn by two horses, and that it was the favourite Buckingham, who, + about 1619, began to draw with six horses. About the same time, he + introduced the sedan. ‘The Ultimum Vale of John Carleton’, 4to, + 1663, p. 23, will, in a great measure, ascertain the time of the + introduction of glass coaches. He says, “I could wish her (i. e. + Mary Carleton’s) coach (which she said my lord Taff bought for her + in England, and sent it over to her, made of the new fashion, wide + glasse, very stately; and her pages and lacquies were of the same + livery,) was come for me,” &c.] + +The ladies were afraid of being shut up in them: they greatly preferred +the pleasure of showing almost their whole persons, to the conveniences +of modern coaches: that which was made for the king not being remarkable +for its elegance, the Chevalier de Grammont was of opinion that +something ingenious might be invented, which should partake of the +ancient fashion, and likewise prove preferable to the modern; he +therefore sent away Termes privately with all the necessary instructions +to Paris: the Duke of Guise was likewise charged with this commission; +and the courier, having by the favour of Providence escaped the +quicksand, in a month’s time brought safely over to England the most +elegant and magnificent calash that had ever been seen, which the +Chevalier presented to the king. + +The Chevalier de Grammont had given orders that fifteen hundred louis +should be expended upon it; but the Duke of Guise, who was his friend, +to oblige him, laid out two thousand. All the court was in admiration +at the magnificence of the present; and the king, charmed with the +Chevalier’s attention to everything which could afford him pleasure, +failed not to acknowledge it: he would not, however, accept a present of +so much value, but upon condition that the Chevalier should not refuse +another from him. + +The queen, imagining that so splendid a carriage might prove fortunate +for her, wished to appear in it first, with the Duchess of York. Lady +Castlemaine, who had seen them in it, thinking that it set off a fine +figure to greater advantage than any other, desired the king to lend her +this wonderful calash to appear in it the first fine day in Hyde Park: +Miss Stewart had the same wish, and requested to have it on the same +day. As it was impossible to reconcile these two goddesses, whose former +union was turned into mortal hatred, the king was very much perplexed. + +Lady Castlemaine was with child, and threatened to miscarry, if her +rival was preferred; Miss Stewart threatened, that she never would be +with child, if her request was not granted. This menace prevailed, and +Lady Castlemaine’s rage was so great, that she had almost kept her +word; and it was believed that this triumph cost her rival some of her +innocence. + +The queen dowager, who, though she had no share in these broils, had no +objection to them, and as usual being diverted with this circumstance, +she took occasion to joke with the Chevalier de Grammont, for having +thrown this bone of contention among such competitors; and did not fail +to give him, in the presence of the whole court, those praises which so +magnificent a present deserved: “But how comes it,” said she, “that you +have no equipage yourself, though you are at so great an expense? for I +am told that you do not keep even a single footman, and that one of the +common runners in the streets lights you home with a stinking link.” + “Madam,” said he, “the Chevalier de Grammont hates pomp: my linkboy, of +whom you speak, is faithful to my service; and besides, he is one of +the bravest fellows in the world. Your Majesty is unacquainted with +the nation of link-boys: it is a charming one, I can assure you: a man +cannot step out in the night without being surrounded by a dozen of +them. The first time I became acquainted with them, I retained all that +offered me their services; so that when I arrived at Whitehall, I had at +least two hundred about my chair: the sight was new; for those who had +seen me pass with this illumination, asked whose funeral it was. These +gentlemen, however, began fighting about some dozen shillings I had +thrown among them then; and he whom your Majesty mentions having beaten +three or four of his companions, I retained him for his valour. As for +the parade of coaches and footmen, I despise it: I have sometimes had +five or six valets-de-chambre at once, without having a single servant +in livery, except my chaplain Poussatin.” “How!” said the queen, +bursting out laughing, “a chaplain in your livery! he surely was not a +priest?” “Pardon me, madam,” said he, “and the first priest in the world +for dancing the Biscayan jig.” “Chevalier,” said the king, “pray tell us +the history of your chaplain Poussatin.” + + + + +CHAPTER EIGHTH. FUNNY ADVENTURE OF THE CHAPLAIN POUSSATIN--THE STORY +OF THE SIEGE OF LERIDA--MARRIAGE OF THE DUKE OF YORK, AND OTHER DETAILS +ABOUT THE ENGLISH COURT + + +“Sir,” said the Chevalier de Grammont, “the Prince de Conde besieged +Lerida: the place in itself was nothing; but Don Gregorio Brice who +defended it, was something. He was one of those Spaniards of the old +stamp, as valiant as the Cid, as proud as all the Guzmans put together, +and more gallant than all the Abencerrages of Granada: he suffered us +to make our first approaches to the place without the least molestation. +The Marshal de Grammont, whose maxim it was, that a governor who at +first makes a great blustering, and burns his suburbs in order to make +a noble defence, generally makes a very bad one, looked upon Gregorio de +Brice’s politeness as no good omen for us; but the prince, covered +with glory, and elated with the campaigns of Rocroy, Norlinguen, +and Fribourg, to insult both the place and the governor, ordered the +trenches to be mounted at noon-day by his own regiment, at the head of +which marched four-and-twenty fiddlers, as if it had been to a wedding. + +“Night approaching, we were all in high spirits: our violins were +playing soft airs, and we were comfortably regaling ourselves: God knows +how we were joking about the poor governor and his fortifications, both +of which we promised ourselves to take in less than twenty-four hours. +This was going on in the trenches, when we heard an ominous cry from the +ramparts, repeated two or three times, of, ‘Alerte on the walls!’ +This cry was followed by a discharge of cannon and musketry, and +this discharge by a vigorous sally, which, after having filled up the +trenches, pursued us as far as our grand guard. + +“The next day Gregorio Brice sent by a trumpet a present of ice and +fruit to the Prince de Conde, humbly beseeching his highness to excuse +his not returning the serenade which he was pleased to favour him with, +as unfortunately he had no violins; but that if the music of last night +was not disagreeable to him, he would endeavour to continue it as long +as he did him the honour to remain before the place. The Spaniard was +as good as his word; and as soon as we heard, ‘Alerte on the walls,’ we +were sure of a sally, that cleared our trenches, destroyed our works, +and killed the best of our officers and soldiers. The prince was so +piqued at it, that, contrary to the opinion of the general officers, he +obstinately persisted in carrying on a siege which was like to ruin his +army, and which he was at last forced to quit in a hurry. + +“As our troops were retiring, Don Gregorio, far from giving himself +those airs which governors generally do on such occasions, made no other +sally, than sending a respectful compliment to the prince. Signor Brice +set out not long after for Madrid, to give an account of his conduct, +and to receive the recompense he had merited. Your majesty perhaps will +be desirous to know what reception poor Brice met with, after having +performed the most brilliant action the Spaniards could boast of in all +the war--he was confined by the inquisition.” + +“How!” said the Queen Dowager, “confined by the inquisition for his +services!” “Not altogether for his services,” said the Chevalier; “but +without any regard to his services, he was treated in the manner I have +mentioned for a little affair of gallantry, which I shall relate to the +King presently. + +“The campaign of Catalonia being thus ended, we were returning home, not +overloaded with laurels; but as the Prince de Conde had laid up a great +store on former occasions, and as he had still great projects in his +head, he soon forgot this trifling misfortune: we did nothing but joke +with one another during the march, and the prince was the first to +ridicule the siege. We made some of those rhymes on Lerida, which were +sung all over France, in order to prevent others more severe; however, +we gained nothing by it, for notwithstanding we treated ourselves freely +in our own ballads, others were composed in Paris in which we were ten +times more severely handled. At last we arrived at Perpignan upon a +holy-day: a company of Catalans, who were dancing in the middle of the +street, out of respect to the prince came to dance under his windows: +Monsieur Poussatin, in a little black jacket, danced in the middle of +this company, as if he was really mad. I immediately recognized him +for my countryman, from his manner of skipping and frisking about: the +prince was charmed with his humour and activity. After the dance, I sent +for him, and inquired who he was: ‘A poor priest, at your service, my +lord,’ said he: ‘my name is Poussatin, and Bearn is my native country: I +was going into Catalonia to serve in the infantry, for, God be praised, +I can march very well on foot; but since the war is happily concluded, +if your lordship pleases to take me into your service, I would follow +you everywhere, and serve you faithfully.’ ‘Monsieur Poussatin,’ said I, +‘my lordship has no great occasion for a chaplain; but since you are so +well disposed towards me, I will take you into my service.’ + +“The Prince de Conde, who was present at this conversation, was +overjoyed at my having a chaplain. As poor Poussatin was in a very +tattered condition, I had no time to provide him with a proper habit +at Perpignan; but giving him a spare livery of one of the Marshal de +Grammont’s servants, I made him get up behind the prince’s coach, who +was like to die with laughing every time he looked at poor Poussatin’s +uncanonical mien in a yellow livery. + +“As soon as we arrived in Paris, the story was told to the Queen, who at +first expressed some surprise at it: this, however, did not prevent her +from wishing to see my chaplain dance; for in Spain it is not altogether +so strange to see ecclesiastics dance, as to see them in livery. + +“Poussatin performed wonders before the Queen; but as he danced with +great sprightliness, she could not bear the odour which his violent +motions diffused around her room the ladies likewise began to pray for +relief; for he had almost entirely got the better of all the perfumes +and essences with which they were fortified: Poussatin, nevertheless, +retired with a great deal of applause, and some louis d’or. + +“Some time afterwards I procured a small benefice in the country for my +chaplain, and I have since been informed that Poussatin preached +with the same ease in his village as he danced at the wedding of his +parishioners.” + +The King was exceedingly diverted at Poussatin’s history; and the Queen +was not much hurt at his having been put in livery: the treatment of +Gregorio Brice offended her far more; and being desirous to justify the +court of Spain, with respect to so cruel a proceeding: “Chevalier de +Grammont,” said she, “what heresy did Governor Brice wish to introduce +into the state? What crime against religion was he charged with, that he +was confined in the inquisition?” “Madam,” said he, “the history is not +very proper to be related before your majesty: it was a little amorous +frolic, ill-timed indeed; but poor Brice meant no harm: a school-boy +would not have been whipped for such a fault, in the most severe college +in France; as it was only for giving some proofs of his affection to +a young Spanish fair one, who had fixed her eyes upon him on a solemn +occasion.” + +The King desired to know the particulars of the adventure; and the +Chevalier gratified his curiosity, as soon as the Queen and the rest of +the court were out of hearing. It was very entertaining to hear him +tell a story; but it was very disagreeable to differ with him, either in +competition, or in raillery: it is true that at that time there were few +persons at the English court who had merited his indignation: Russell +was sometimes the subject of his ridicule, but he treated him far more +tenderly than he usually did a rival. + +This Russell was one of the most furious dancers in all England, I +mean, for country dances: he had a collection of two or three hundred in +print, all of which he danced at sight; and to prove that he was not an +old man, he sometimes danced until he was almost exhausted: his mode +of dancing was like that of his clothes, for they both had been out of +fashion full twenty years. + +The Chevalier de Grammont was very sensible that he was very much +in love; but though he saw very well that it only rendered him more +ridiculous, yet he felt some concern at the information he received, of +his intention of demanding Miss Hamilton in marriage; but his concern +did not last long. Russell, being upon the point of setting out on +a journey, thought it was proper to acquaint his mistress with his +intentions before his departure. The Chevalier de Grammont was a great +obstacle to the interview, he was desirous of obtaining of her; but +being one day sent for, to go and play at Lady Castlemaine’s, Russell +seized the opportunity, and addressing himself to Miss Hamilton, +with less embarrassment than is usual on such occasions, he made his +declaration to her in the following manner: “I am brother to the Earl of +Bedford: I command the regiment of guards: I have three thousand pounds +a year, and fifteen thousand in ready money: all which, madam, I come to +present to you, along with my person. One present, I agree, is not worth +much without the other, and therefore I put them together. I am advised +to go to some of the watering places for something of an asthma, which, +in all probability, cannot continue much longer, as I have had it for +these last twenty years: if you look upon me as worthy of the happiness +of belonging to you, I shall propose it to your father, to whom I +did not think it right to apply before I was acquainted with your +sentiments: my nephew William is at present entirely ignorant of my +intention; but I believe he will not be sorry for it, though he will +thereby see himself deprived of a pretty considerable estate; for he +has great affection for me, and besides, he has a pleasure in paying +his respects to you since he has perceived my attachment. I am very much +pleased that he should make his court to me, by the attention he pays +to you; for he did nothing but squander his money upon that coquet +Middleton, while at present he is at no expense, though he frequents the +best company in England.” + +Miss Hamilton had much difficulty to suppress her laughter during this +harangue: however, she told him that she thought herself much honoured +by his intentions towards her, and still more obliged to him for +consulting her, before he made any overtures to her relations: “It will +be time enough,” said she, “to speak to them upon the subject at your +return from the waters; for I do not think it is at all probable that +they will dispose of me before that time, and in case they should be +urgent in their solicitations, your nephew William will take care to +acquaint you; therefore, you may set out whenever you think proper; but +take care not to injure your health by returning too soon.” + +The Chevalier de Grammont, having heard the particulars of this +conversation, endeavoured, as well as he could, to be entertained +with it; though there were certain circumstances in the declaration, +notwithstanding the absurdity of others, which did not fail to give +him some uneasiness. Upon the whole, he was not sorry for Russell’s +departure; and, assuming an air of pleasantry, he went to relate to the +king how Heaven had favoured him by delivering him from so dangerous a +rival. “He is gone then, Chevalier,” said the king. “Certainly, sir,” + said he; “I had the honour to see him embark in a coach, with his +asthma, and country equipage, his perruque a calotte, neatly tied with +a yellow riband, and his old-fashioned hat covered with oil skin, which +becomes him uncommonly well: therefore, I have only to contend with +William Russell, whom he leaves as his resident with Miss Hamilton; and +as for him, I neither fear him upon his own account, nor his uncle’s; +he is too much in love himself to pay attention to the interests of +another; and as he has but one method of promoting his own, which is by +sacrificing the portrait, or some love-letters of Mrs. Middleton, I have +it easily in my power to counteract him in such kind of favours, though +I confess I have pretty well paid for them.” + +“Since your affairs proceed so prosperously with the Russells,” said the +king, “I will acquaint you that you are delivered from another rival, +much more dangerous, if he were not already married: my brother has +lately fallen in love with Lady Chesterfield.” “How many blessings at +once!” exclaimed the Chevalier de Grammont: “I have so many obligations +to him for this inconstancy, that I would willingly serve him in his new +amour, if Hamilton was not his rival: nor will your majesty take it ill, +if I promote the interests of my mistress’s brother, rather than those +of your majesty’s brother.” “Hamilton, however,” said the king, “does +not stand so much in need of assistance, in affairs of this nature, as +the Duke of York; but I know Lord Chesterfield is of such a disposition, +that he will not suffer men to quarrel about his wife, with the same +patience as the complaisant Shrewsbury; though he well deserves the same +fate.” Here follows a true description of Lord Chesterfield. + + [Philip, the second Earl of Chesterfield. He was constituted, in + 1662, lord-chamberlain to the queen, and colonel of a regiment of + foot, June 13, 1667. On November 29, 1679, he was appointed lord- + warden and chief-justice of the king’s forests on this side Trent, + and sworn of the privy-council, January 26, 1680. On November 6, + 1682, he was made colonel of the third regiment of foot, which, with + the rest of his preferments, he resigned on the accession of James + IT. He lived to the age of upwards of 80, and died, January 28, + 1713, at his house, in Bloomsbury-square.] + +He had a very agreeable face, a fine head of hair, an indifferent shape, +and a worse air; he was not, however, deficient in wit: a long residence +in Italy had made him ceremonious in his commerce with men, and jealous +in his connection with women: he had been much hated by the king; +because he had been much beloved by Lady Castlemaine: it was reported +that he had been in her good graces prior to her marriage; and as +neither of them denied it, it was the more generally believed. + +He had paid his devoirs to the eldest daughter of the Duke of Ormond, +while his heart was still taken up with his former passion: the king’s +love for Lady Castlemaine, and the advancement he expected from such an +alliance, made him press the match with as much ardour as if he had been +passionately in love: he had therefore married Lady Chesterfield without +loving her, and had lived some time with her in such coolness as to +leave her no room to doubt of his indifference. As she was endowed with +great sensibility and delicacy, she suffered at this contempt: she was +at first much affected with his behaviour, and afterwards enraged at +it; and, when he began to give her proofs of his affection, she had the +pleasure of convincing him of her indifference. + +They were upon this footing, when she resolved to cure Hamilton, as she +had lately done her husband, of all his remaining tenderness for Lady +Castlemaine. For her it was no difficult undertaking: the conversation +of the one was disagreeable, from the unpolished state of her manners, +her ill-timed pride, her uneven temper, and extravagant humours Lady +Chesterfield, on the contrary, knew how to heighten her charms with all +the bewitching attractions in the power of a woman to invent who wishes +to make a conquest. + +Besides all this, she had greater opportunities of making advances to +him than to any other: she lived at the Duke of Ormond’s, at Whitehall, +where Hamilton, as was said before, had free admittance at all hours: +her extreme coldness, or rather the disgust which she showed for her +husband’s returning affection, wakened his natural inclination to +jealousy: he suspected that she could not so very suddenly pass from +anxiety to indifference for him, without some secret object of a new +attachment; and, according to the maxim of all jealous husbands, he +immediately put in practice all his experience and industry, in order to +make a discovery, which was to destroy his own happiness. + +Hamilton, who knew his disposition, was, on the other hand, upon his +guard, and the more he advanced in his intrigue, the more attentive +was he to remove every degree of suspicion from the Earl’s mind: he +pretended to make him his confidant, in the most unguarded and open +manner, of his passion for Lady Castlemaine: he complained of her +caprice, and most earnestly desired his advice how to succeed with a +person whose affections he alone had entirely possessed. + +Chesterfield, who was flattered with this discourse, promised him his +protection with greater sincerity than it had been demanded: +Hamilton, therefore, was no further embarrassed than to preserve Lady +Chesterfield’s reputation, who, in his opinion, declared herself rather +too openly in his favour: but whilst he was diligently employed in +regulating, within the rules of discretion, the partiality she expressed +for him, and in conjuring her to restrain her glances within bounds, she +was receiving those of the Duke of York; and, what is more, made them +favourable returns. + +He thought that he had perceived it, as well as every one besides; but +he thought likewise, that all the world was deceived as well as himself: +how could he trust his own eyes, as to what those of Lady Chesterfield +betrayed for this new rival? He could not think it probable, that +a woman of her disposition could relish a man, whose manners had a +thousand times been the subject of their private ridicule; but what he +judged still more improbable was, that she should begin another intrigue +before she had given the finishing stroke to that in which her own +advances had engaged her: however, he began to observe her with more +circumspection, when he found by his discoveries, that if she did not +deceive him, at least the desire of doing so was not wanting. This he +took the liberty of telling her of; but she answered him in so high +a strain, and treated what he said so much like a phantom of his own +imagination, that he appeared confused without being convinced: all +the satisfaction he could procure from her, was her telling him, in a +haughty manner, that such unjust reproaches as his ought to have had a +better foundation. + +Lord Chesterfield had taken the same alarm; and being convinced, from +the observations he had made, that he had found out the happy lover who +had gained possession of his lady’s heart, he was satisfied; and +without teasing her with unnecessary reproaches, he only waited for an +opportunity to confound her, before he took his measures. + +After all, how can we account for Lady Chesterfield’s conduct, unless +we attribute it to the disease incident to most coquettes, who, charmed +with superiority, put in practice every art to rob another of her +conquest, and spare nothing to preserve it. + +But before we enter into the particulars of this adventure, let us +take a retrospect of the amours of his Royal Highness, prior to the +declaration of his marriage, and particularly of what immediately +preceded this declaration. It is allowable sometimes to drop the thread +of a narrative, when real facts, not generally known, give such a +variety upon the digression as to render it excusable: let us see then +how those things happened. + +The Duke of York’s marriage, with the chancellor’s daughter, was +deficient in none of those circumstances which render contracts of this +nature valid in the eye of heaven the mutual inclination, the formal +ceremony, witnesses, and every essential point of matrimony, had been +observed. + + [The material facts in this narrative are confirmed by Lord + Clarendon.--‘Continuation of his Life’, p. 33. It is difficult to + speak of the persons concerned in this infamous transaction without + some degree of asperity, notwithstanding they are, by a strange + perversion of language, styled, all men of honour.] + +Though the bride was no perfect beauty, yet, as there were none at +the court of Holland who eclipsed her, the Duke, during the first +endearments of matrimony, was so far from repenting of it, that he +seemed only to wish for the King’s restoration that he might have an +opportunity of declaring it with splendour; but when he saw himself +enjoying a rank which placed him so near the throne; when the possession +of Miss Hyde afforded him no new charms; when England, so abounding in +beauties, displayed all that was charming and lovely in the court of the +King his brother; and when he considered he was the only prince, who, +from such superior elevation, had descended so low, he began to reflect +upon it. On the one hand, his marriage appeared to him particularly ill +suited in every respect: he recollected that Jermyn had not engaged him +in an intimacy with Miss Hyde, until he had convinced him, by several +different circumstances, of the facility of succeeding: he looked upon +his marriage as an infringement of that duty and obedience he owed +to the King; the indignation with which the court, and even the whole +kingdom, would receive the account of his marriage presented itself to +his imagination, together with the impossibility of obtaining the King’s +consent to such an act, which for a thousand reasons he would be obliged +to refuse. On the other hand, the tears and despair of poor Miss Hyde +presented themselves; and still more than that, he felt a remorse +of conscience, the scruples of which began from that time to rise up +against him. + +In the midst of this perplexity he opened his heart to Lord Falmouth, +and consulted with him what method he ought to pursue: He could not have +applied to a better man for his own interests, nor to a worse for Miss +Hyde’s; for at first, Falmouth maintained not only that he was not +married, but that it was even impossible that he could ever have formed +such a thought; that any marriage was invalid for him, which was made +without the King’s consent, even if the party was a suitable match: +but that it was a mere jest, even to think of the daughter of an +insignificant lawyer, whom the favour of his sovereign had lately made a +peer of the realm, without any noble blood, and chancellor, without +any capacity; that as for his scruples, he had only to give ear to some +gentlemen whom he could introduce, who would thoroughly inform him of +Miss Hyde’s conduct before he became acquainted with her; and provided +he did not tell them that he really was married, he would soon have +sufficient grounds to come to a determination. + +The Duke of York consented, and Lord Falmouth, having assembled both +his council and his witnesses, conducted them to his Royal Highness’s +cabinet, after having instructed them how to act: these gentlemen were +the Earl of Arran, Jermyn, Talbot, and Killegrew, all men of honour; +but who infinitely preferred the Duke of York’s interest to Miss Hyde’s +reputation, and who, besides, were greatly dissatisfied, as well as the +whole court, at the insolent authority of the prime minister. + +The Duke having told them, after a sort of preamble, that although they +could not be ignorant of his affection for Miss Hyde, yet they might be +unacquainted with the engagements his tenderness for her had induced him +to contract; that he thought himself obliged to perform all the +promises he had made her; but as the innocence of persons of her age +was generally exposed to court scandal, and as certain reports, whether +false or true, had been spread abroad on the subject of her conduct, he +conjured them as his friends, and charged them upon their duty, to +tell him sincerely everything they knew upon the subject, since he was +resolved to make their evidence the rule of his conduct towards her. +They all appeared rather reserved at first, and seemed not to dare to +give their opinions upon an affair of so serious and delicate a nature; +but the Duke of York having renewed his entreaties, each began to relate +the particulars of what he knew, and perhaps of more than he knew, +of poor Miss Hyde; nor did they omit any circumstance necessary to +strengthen the evidence. For instance the Earl of Arran, who spoke +first, deposed, that in the gallery at Honslaerdyk, where the Countess +of Ossory, his sister-in-law, and Jermyn, were playing at nine-pins, +Miss Hyde, pretending to be sick, retired to a chamber at the end of +the gallery; that he, the deponent, had followed her, and having cut her +lace, to give a greater probability to the pretence of the vapours, he +had acquitted himself to the best of his abilities, both to assist and +to console her. + +Talbot said, that she had made an appointment with him in the +chancellor’s cabinet, while he was in council; and, that, not paying so +much attention to what was upon the table as to what they were engaged +in, they had spilled a bottle full of ink upon a despatch of four pages, +and that the King’s monkey, which was blamed for this accident, had been +a long time in disgrace. + +Jermyn mentioned many places where he had received long and favourable +audiences: however, all these articles of accusation amounted only +to some delicate familiarities, or at most, to what is generally +denominated the innocent part of an intrigue; but Killegrew, who wished +to surpass these trivial depositions, boldly declared that he had had +the honour of being upon the most intimate terms with her he was of a +sprightly and witty humour, and had the art of telling a story in the +most entertaining manner, by the graceful and natural turn he could +give it: he affirmed that he had found the critical minute in a certain +closet built over the water, for a purpose very different from that +of giving ease to the pains of love: that three or four swans had been +witnesses to his happiness, and might perhaps have been witnesses to the +happiness of many others, as the lady frequently repaired to that place, +and was particularly delighted with it. + +The Duke of York found this last accusation greatly out of bounds, being +convinced he himself had sufficient proofs of the contrary: he therefore +returned thanks to these officious informers for their frankness, +ordered them to be silent for the future upon what they had been telling +him, and immediately passed into the King’s apartment. + +As soon as he had entered the cabinet, Lord Falmouth, who had followed +him, related what had passed to the Earl of Ossory, whom he met in the +presence chamber: they strongly suspected what was the subject of the +conversation of the two brothers, as it was long; and the Duke of York +appeared to be in such agitation when he came out, that they no longer +doubted that the result had been unfavourable for poor Miss Hyde. Lord +Falmouth began to be affected for her disgrace, and to relent that he +had been concerned in it, when the Duke of York told him and the Earl of +Ossory to meet him in about an hour’s time at the chancellor’s. + +They were rather surprised that he should have the cruelty himself to +announce such a melancholy piece of news: they found his Royal Highness +at the appointed hour in Miss Hyde’s chamber: a few tears trickled down +her cheeks, which she endeavoured to restrain. The chancellor, leaning +against the wall, appeared to them to be puffed up with some thing, +which they did not doubt was--rage and despair. The Duke of York said to +them, with that serene and pleasant countenance with which men generally +announce good news: “As you are the two men of the court whom I most +esteem, I am desirous you should first have the honour of paying your +compliments to the Duchess of York: there she is.” + +Surprise was of no use, and astonishment was unseasonable on the present +occasion: they were, however, so greatly possessed with both surprise +and astonishment, that in order to conceal it, they immediately fell +on their knees to kiss her hand, which she gave to them with as much +majesty as if she had been used to it all her life. + +The next day the news was made public, and the whole court was eager to +pay her that respect, from a sense of duty, which in the end became very +sincere. + +The petits-maitres who had spoken against her, seeing their intentions +disappointed, were not a little embarrassed. Women are seldom accustomed +to forgive injuries of this nature; and, if they promise themselves the +pleasure of revenge, when they gain the power they seldom forget it: in +the present case, however, the fears of these petits-maitres were their +only punishment. + +The Duchess of York, being fully informed of all that was said in the +cabinet concerning her, instead of showing the least resentment, studied +to distinguish, by all manner of kindness and good offices, those who +had attacked her in so sensible a part; nor did she ever mention it to +them, but in order to praise their zeal, and to tell them that nothing +was a greater proof of the attachment of a man of honour, than his being +more solicitous for the interest of his friend or master, than for his +own reputation: a remarkable example of prudence and moderation, not +only for the fair sex, but even for those who value themselves most upon +their philosophy among the men. + +The Duke of York, having quieted his conscience by the declaration of +his marriage, thought that he was entitled, by this generous effort, to +give way a little to his inconstancy: he therefore immediately seized +upon whatever he could first lay his hands upon: this was Lady Carnegy, +who had been in several other hands. She was still tolerably handsome, +and her disposition, naturally inclined to tenderness, did not oblige +her new lover long to languish. Everything coincided with their wishes +for some time: Lord Carnegy, her husband, was in Scotland; but his +father dying suddenly, he as suddenly returned with the title of +Southesk, which his wife detested; but which she took more patiently +than she received the news of his return. Some private intimation +had been given him of the honour that was done him in his absence: +nevertheless, he did not show his jealousy at first; but, as he was +desirous to be satisfied of the reality of the fact, he kept a strict +watch over his wife’s actions. The Duke of York and her ladyship had, +for some time, been upon such terms of intimacy, as not to pass their +time in frivolous amusements; however, the husband’s return obliged them +to maintain some decorum: he therefore never went to her house, but in +form, that is to say, always accompanied by some friend or other, to +give his amours at least the appearance of a visit. + +About this time Talbot returned from Portugal: this connection had taken +place during his absence; and without knowing who Lady Southesk was, he +had been informed that his master was in love with her. + +A few days after his arrival, he was carried, merely to keep up +appearances, to her house by the duke; and after being introduced, and +some compliments having been paid on both sides, he thought it his duty +to give his Royal Highness an opportunity to pay his compliments, and +accordingly retired into the ante-chamber, which looked into the street, +and placed himself at the window to view the people as they passed. + +He was one of the best meaning men in the world on such occasions; +but was so subject to forgetfulness, and absence of mind, that he once +forgot, and left behind him at London, a complimentary letter which the +duke had given him for the Infanta of Portugal, and never recollected it +till he was going to his audience. + +He stood sentry, as we have before said, very attentive to his +instructions, when he saw a coach stop at the door, without being in the +least concerned at it, and still less, at a man whom he saw get out of +it, and whom he immediately heard coming upstairs. + +The devil, who ought to be civil upon such occasions, forgot himself in +the present instance, and brought up Lord Southesk ‘in propria persona’: +his Royal Highness’s equipage had been sent home, because my lady had +assured him that her husband was gone to see a bear and a bull baiting, +an entertainment in which he took great delight, and from whence he +seldom returned until it was very late; so that Southesk, not seeing any +equipage at the door, little imagined that he had such good company in +his house; but if he was surprised to see Talbot carelessly lolling in +his wife’s ante-chamber, his surprise was soon over. Talbot, who had not +seen him since they were in Flanders, and never supposing that he had +changed his name: “Welcome, Carnegy, welcome, my good fellow,” said he, +giving him his hand, “where the devil have you been, that I have never +been able to set eyes on you since we were at Brussels? What business +brought you here? Do you likewise wish to see Lady Southesk? If this is +your intention, my poor friend, you may go away again; for I must +inform you, the Duke of York is in love with her, and I will tell you in +confidence, that, at this very time, he is in her chamber.” + +Southesk, confounded as one may suppose, had no time to answer all +these fine questions: Talbot, therefore, attended him downstairs as his +friend; and, as his humble servant, advised him to seek for a mistress +elsewhere. Southesk, not knowing what else to do at that time, returned +to his coach; and Talbot, overjoyed at the adventure, impatiently waited +for the duke’s return, that he might acquaint him with it; but he was +very much surprised to find that the story afforded no pleasure to those +who had the principal share in it; and his greatest concern was, +that Carnegy had changed his name, as if only to draw him into such a +confidence. + +This accident broke off a commerce which the Duke of York did not much +regret; and indeed it was happy for him that he became indifferent; for +the traitor Southesk meditated a revenge, whereby, without using either +assassination or poison, he would have obtained some satisfaction upon +those who had injured him, if the connection had continued any longer. + +He went to the most infamous places, to seek for the most infamous +disease, which he met with; but his revenge was only half completed; for +after he had gone through every remedy to get quit of his disease, his +lady did but return him his present, having no more connection with the +person for whom it was so industriously prepared. + + [Bishop Burnet, taking notice of the Duke of York’s amours, says, + “a story was set about, and generally believed, that the Earl of + Southesk, that had married a daughter of the Duke of Hamilton’s, + suspecting some familiarities between the duke and his wife, had + taken a sure method to procure a disease to himself, which he + communicated to his wife, and was, by that means, sent round till it + came to the duchess. Lord Southesk was, for some years, not ill + pleased to have this believed. It looked like a peculiar strain of + revenge, with which he seemed much delighted. But I know he has, to + some of his friends, denied the whole of the story very solemnly.” + --history of His Own Times, vol. i., p. 319. It is worthy of notice + that the passage in the text was omitted in most editions of + Grammont, and retained in that of Strawberry-hill, in 1772.] + +Lady Robarts was then in the zenith of her glory; her beauty was +striking; yet, notwithstanding the brightness of the finest complexion, +with all the bloom of youth, and with every requisite for inspiring +desire, she nevertheless was not attractive. The Duke of York, +however, would probably have been successful, if difficulties, almost +insurmountable, had not disappointed his good intentions: Lord Robarts, +her husband, was an old, snarling, troublesome, peevish fellow, in +love with her to distraction, and to complete her misery, a perpetual +attendant on her person. + +She perceived his Royal Highness’s attachment to her, and seemed as if +she was inclined to be grateful: this redoubled his eagerness, and every +outward mark of tenderness he could possibly show her; but the watchful +husband redoubling his zeal and assiduity, as he found the approaches +advance, every art was practised to render him tractable: several +attacks were made upon his avarice and his ambition. Those who possessed +the greatest share of his confidence, insinuated to him that it was his +own fault if Lady Robarts, who was so worthy of being at court, was +not received into some considerable post, either about the queen or the +duchess: he was offered to be made Lord Lieutenant of the county where +his estate was; or to have the management of the Duke of York’s revenues +in Ireland, of which he should have the entire disposal, provided +he immediately set out to take possession of his charge; and having +accomplished it, he might return as soon as ever he thought proper. + +He perfectly well understood the meaning of these proposals, and was +fully apprised of the advantages he might reap from them: in vain did +ambition and avarice hold out their allurements; he was deaf to all +their temptations, nor could ever the old fellow be persuaded to be +made a cuckold. It is not always an aversion to, or a dread of this +distinction, which preserves us from it: of this her husband was +very sensible; therefore, under the pretence of a pilgrimage to +Saint Winifred, the virgin and martyr, who was said to cure women of +barrenness, he did not rest, until the highest mountains in Wales were +between his wife and the person who had designed to perform this miracle +in London, after his departure. + +The duke was for some time entirely taken up with the pleasures of the +chase, and only now and then engaged in those of love; but his taste +having undergone a change in this particular, and the remembrance of +Lady Robarts wearing off by degrees, his eyes and wishes were turned +towards Miss Brook; and it was in the height of this pursuit that Lady +Chesterfield threw herself into his arms, as we shall see by resuming +the sequel of her adventures. + +The Earl of Bristol, ever restless and ambitious, had put in practice +every art, to possess himself of the king’s favour. As this is the same +Digby whom Count Bussy mentions in his annals, it will be sufficient to +say that he was not at all changed: he knew that love and pleasure had +possession of a master, whom he himself governed, in defiance of the +chancellor; thus he was continually giving entertainments at his house; +and luxury and elegance seemed to rival each other in those nocturnal +feasts, which always lead to other enjoyments. The two Miss Brooks, his +relations, were always of those parties; they were both formed by nature +to excite love in others, as well as to be susceptible of it themselves; +they were just what the king wanted: the earl, from this commencement, +was beginning to entertain a good opinion of his project, when Lady +Castlemaine, who had lately gained entire possession of the king’s +heart, was not in a humour, at that time, to share it with another, as +she did very indiscreetly afterwards, despising Miss Stewart. As soon, +therefore, as she received intimation of these secret practices, under +pretence of attending the king in his parties, she entirely disconcerted +them; so that the earl was obliged to lay aside his projects, and Miss +Brook to discontinue her advances. The king did not even dare to think +any more on this subject; but his brother was pleased to look after what +he neglected; and Miss Brook accepted the offer of his heart, until it +pleased heaven to dispose of her otherwise, which happened soon after in +the following manner. + +Sir John Denham, loaded with wealth as well as years, had passed his +youth in the midst of those pleasures which people at that age indulge +in without restraint; he was one of the brightest geniuses England +ever produced, for wit and humour, and for brilliancy of composition: +satirical and free in his poems, he spared neither frigid writers, nor +jealous husbands, nor even their wives: every part abounded with the +most poignant wit, and the most entertaining stories; but his most +delicate and spirited raillery turned generally against matrimony; and, +as if he wished to confirm, by his own example, the truth of what he had +written in his youth, he married, at the age of seventy-nine, this Miss +Brook of whom we are speaking, who was only eighteen. + +The Duke of York had rather neglected her for some time before; but the +circumstance of so unequal a match rekindled his ardour; and she, on her +part, suffered him to entertain hopes of an approaching bliss, which a +thousand considerations had opposed before her marriage: she wished +to belong to the court; and for the promise of being made lady of the +bedchamber to the duchess, she was upon the point of making him another +promise, or of immediately performing it, if required, when, in the +middle of this treaty, Lady Chesterfield was tempted, by her evil +genius, to rob her of her conquest, in order to disturb all the world. + +However, as Lady Chesterfield could not see the Duke of York, except +in public assemblies, she was under the necessity of making the most +extravagant advances, in order to seduce him from his former connection; +and as he was the most unguarded ogler of his time, the whole court was +informed of the intrigue before it was well begun. + +Those who appeared the most attentive to their conduct were not the +least interested in it. Hamilton and Lord Chesterfield watched them +narrowly; but Lady Denham, vexed that Lady Chesterfield should have +stepped in before her, took the liberty of railing against her rival +with the greatest bitterness. Hamilton had hitherto flattered himself +that vanity alone had engaged Lady Chesterfield in this adventure; but +he was soon undeceived, whatever her indifference might have been when +she first commenced this intrigue. We often proceed farther than we at +first intended, when we indulge ourselves in trifling liberties which we +think of no consequence; for though perhaps the heart takes no part at +the beginning, it seldom fails to be engaged in the end. + +The court, as we have mentioned before, was an entire scene of gallantry +and amusements, with all the politeness and magnificence which the +inclinations of a prince naturally addicted to tenderness and pleasure, +could suggest: the beauties were desirous of charming, and the men +endeavoured to please: all studied to set themselves off to the best +advantage: some distinguished themselves by dancing; others by show and +magnificence; some by their wit, many by their amours, but few by their +constancy. There was a certain Italian at court, famous for the guitar: +he had a genius for music, and he was the only man who could make +anything of the guitar: his style of play was so full of grace and +tenderness, that he would have given harmony to the most discordant +instruments. The truth is, nothing was so difficult as to play like +this foreigner. The king’s relish for his compositions had brought the +instrument so much into vogue, that every person played upon it, well or +ill; and you were as sure to see a guitar on a lady’s toilet as rouge or +patches. The Duke of York played upon it tolerably well, and the Earl +of Arran like Francisco himself. This Francisco had composed a saraband, +which either charmed or infatuated every person; for the whole guitarery +at court were trying at it; and God knows what an universal strumming +there was. The Duke of York, pretending not to be perfect in it, desired +Lord Arran to play it to him. Lady Chesterfield had the best guitar +in England. The Earl of Arran, who was desirous of playing his best, +conducted his Royal Highness to his sister’s apartments: she was lodged +at court, at her father’s, the Duke of Ormond’s; and this wonderful +guitar was lodged there too. Whether this visit had been preconcerted or +not, I do not pretend to say; but it is certain that they found both +the lady and the guitar at home: they likewise found there Lord +Chesterfield, so much surprised at this unexpected visit, that it was a +considerable time before he thought of rising from his seat to receive +them with due respect. + +Jealousy, like a malignant vapour, now seized upon his brain: a thousand +suspicions, blacker than ink, took possession of his imagination, and +were continually increasing; for, whilst the brother played upon the +guitar to the duke, the sister ogled and accompanied him with her eyes, +as if the coast had been clear, and no enemy to observe them. This +saraband was at least repeated twenty times: the duke declared it +was played to perfection: Lady Chesterfield found fault with the +composition; but her husband, who clearly perceived that he was the +person played upon, thought it a most detestable piece. However, though +he was in the last agony at being obliged to curb his passion while +others gave a free scope to theirs, he was resolved to find out the +drift of the visit; but it was not in his power: for, having the +honour to be chamberlain to the queen, a messenger came to require his +immediate attendance on her majesty. His first thought was to pretend +sickness: the second to suspect that the queen, who sent for him at +such an unseasonable time, was in the plot; but at last, after all the +extravagant ideas of a suspicious man, and all the irresolutions of a +jealous husband, he was obliged to go. + +We may easily imagine what his state of mind was when he arrived at the +palace. Alarms are to the jealous what disasters are to the unfortunate: +they seldom come alone, but form a series of persecution. He was +informed that he was sent for to attend the queen at an audience she +gave to seven or eight Muscovite ambassadors: he had scarce begun to +curse the Muscovites, when his brother-in-law appeared, and drew upon +himself all the imprecations he bestowed upon the embassy: he no longer +doubted his being in the plot with the two persons he had left together, +and in his heart sincerely wished him such recompense for his good +offices as such good offices deserved. It was with great difficulty +that he restrained himself from immediately acquainting him what was his +opinion of such conduct: he thought that what he had already seen was +a sufficient proof of his wife’s infidelity; but before the end of +the very same day, some circumstances occurred which increased his +suspicions, and persuaded him that they had taken advantage of his +absence, and of the honourable officiousness of his brother-in-law. He +passed, however, that night with tranquillity; but the next morning, +being reduced to the necessity either of bursting or giving vent to his +sorrows and conjectures, he did nothing but think and walk about the +room until Park-time. He went to court, seemed very busy, as if seeking +for some person or other, imagining that people guessed at the subject +of his uneasiness: he avoided everybody, but at length meeting with +Hamilton, he thought he was the very man that he wanted; and, having +desired him to take an airing with him in Hyde Park, he took him up in +his coach, and they arrived at the Ring, without a word having passed +between them. + +Hamilton, who saw him as yellow as jealousy itself, and particularly +thoughtful, imagined that he had just discovered what all the world had +perceived long before; when Chesterfield, after a broken, insignificant +preamble, asked him how he succeeded with Lady Castlemaine. Hamilton, +who very well saw that he meant nothing by this question, nevertheless +thanked him; and as he was thinking of an answer: “Your cousin,” said +the earl, “is extremely coquettish, and I have some reason to suppose +she is not so prudent as she ought to be.” Hamilton thought the last +charge a little too severe; and as he was endeavouring to refute it: +“Good God!” said my lord, “you see, as well as the whole court, what +airs she gives herself: husbands are always the last people that are +spoken to about those affairs that concern them the most; but they are +not always the last to perceive it themselves: though you have made me +your confidant in other matters, yet I am not at all surprised you have +concealed this from me; but as I flatter myself with having some share +in your esteem, I should be sorry you should think me such a fool as to +be incapable of seeing, though I am so complaisant as not to express my +sentiments: nevertheless, I find that affairs are now carried on with +such barefaced boldness, that at length I find I shall be forced to take +some course or other. God forbid that I should act the ridiculous part +of a jealous husband: the character is odious; but then I do not intend, +through an excess of patience, to be made the jest of the town. Judge, +therefore, from what I am going to tell you, whether I ought to sit down +unconcerned, or whether I ought to take measures for the preservation of +my honour. + +“His royal highness honoured me yesterday by a visit to my wife.” + Hamilton started at this beginning. “Yes,” continued the other, “he +did give himself that trouble, and Lord Arran took upon himself that of +bringing him: do not you wonder, that a man of his birth should act such +a part? What advancement can he expect from one who employs him in such +base services? But we have long known him to be one of the silliest +creatures in England, with his guitar, and his other whims and follies.” + Chesterfield, after this short sketch of his brother-in-law’s merit, +began to relate the observations he had made during the visit, and asked +Hamilton what he thought of his cousin Arran, who had so obligingly left +them together. “This may appear surprising to you,” continued he, “but +hear me out, and judge whether I have reason to think that the close +of this pretty visit passed in perfect innocence. Lady Chesterfield +is amiable, it must be acknowledged; but she is far from being such a +miracle of beauty as she supposes herself: you know she has ugly feet; +but perhaps you are not acquainted that she has still worse legs.” + “Pardon me,” said Hamilton, within himself: and the other continuing the +description: “Her legs,” said his lordship, “are short and thick; and, +to remedy these defects as much as possible, she seldom wears any other +than green stockings.” + +Hamilton could not for his life imagine the drift of all this discourse, +and Chesterfield, guessing his thoughts: “Have a little patience,” said +he: “I went yesterday to Miss Stewart’s, after the audience of those +damned Muscovites: the king arrived there just before me; and as if the +duke had sworn to pursue me wherever I went that day, he came in just +after me. The conversation turned upon the extraordinary appearance of +the ambassadors. I know not where that fool Crofts had heard that +all these Muscovites had handsome wives; and that all their wives had +handsome legs. Upon this the king maintained that no woman ever had +such handsome legs as Miss Stewart; and she, to prove the truth of his +majesty’s assertion, with the greatest imaginable ease, immediately +shewed her leg above the knee. Some were ready to prostrate themselves, +in order to adore its beauty; for indeed none can be handsomer; but +the duke alone began to criticise upon it. He contended that it was too +slender, and that as for himself he would give nothing for a leg that +was not thicker and shorter, and concluded by saying that no leg was +worth anything without green stockings. Now this, in my opinion, was a +sufficient demonstration that he had just seen green stockings, and had +them fresh in his remembrance.” + +Hamilton was at a loss what countenance to put on during a narrative +which raised in him nearly the same conjectures; he shrugged up his +shoulders, and faintly said that appearances were often deceitful; that +Lady Chesterfield had the foible of all beauties, who place their merit +on the number of their admirers; and whatever airs she might imprudently +have given herself, in order not to discourage his royal highness, +there was no ground to suppose that she would indulge him in any greater +liberties to engage him: but in vain was it that he endeavoured to +give that consolation to his friend which he did not feel himself. +Chesterfield plainly perceived he did not think of what he was saying; +however, he thought himself much obliged to him for the interest he +seemed to take in his concerns. + +Hamilton was in haste to go home to vent his spleen and resentment in a +letter to his cousin. The style of this billet was very different from +those which he formerly was accustomed to write to her: reproaches, +bitter expostulations, tenderness, menaces, and all the effusions of +a lover who thinks he has reason to complain, composed this epistle; +which, for fear of accidents, he went to deliver himself. + +Never did she before appear so lovely, and never did her eyes speak so +kindly to him as at this moment: his heart quite relented; but he was +determined not to lose all the fine things he had said in his letter. +In receiving it, she squeezed his hand: this action completely disarmed +him, and he would have given his life to have had his letter again. It +appeared to him at this instant that all the grievances he complained +of were visionary and groundless: he looked upon her husband as a madman +and an impostor, and quite the reverse of what he supposed him to be +a few minutes before; but this remorse came a little too late: he had +delivered his billet, and Lady Chesterfield had shewn such impatience +and eagerness to read it as soon as she had got it that all +circumstances seemed to conspire to justify her, and to confound +him. She managed to get quit, some way or other, of some troublesome +visitors, to slip into her closet. He thought himself so culpable that +he had not the assurance to wait her return: he withdrew with the rest +of the company; but he did not dare to appear before her the next day, +to have an answer to his letter: however, he met her at court; and this +was the first time, since the commencement of their amour, that he +did not seek for her. He stood at a distance, with downcast looks, +and appeared in such terrible embarrassment that his condition was +sufficient to raise laughter or to cause pity, when Lady Chesterfield +approaching, thus accosted him: “Confess,” said she, “that you are in +as foolish a situation as any man of sense can be: you wish you had not +written to me: you are desirous of an answer: you hope for none: yet you +equally wish for and dread it: I have, however, written you one.” + She had not time to say more; but the few words she had spoken were +accompanied with such an air, and such a look, as to make him believe +that it was Venus with all her graces who had addressed him. He was near +her when she sat down to cards, and as he was puzzling himself to devise +by what means he should get this answer, she desired him to lay her +gloves and fan down somewhere: he took them, and with them the billet +in question; and as he had perceived nothing severe or angry in the +conversation he had with her, he hastened to open her letter, and read +as follows: + +“Your transports are so ridiculous that it is doing you a favour to +attribute them to an excess of tenderness, which turns your head: a man, +without doubt, must have a great inclination to be jealous, to entertain +such an idea of the person you mention. Good God! what a lover to have +caused uneasiness to a man of genius, and what a genius to have got the +better of mine! Are not you ashamed to give any credit to the visions +of a jealous fellow who brought nothing else with him from Italy? Is +it possible that the story of the green stockings, upon which he has +founded his suspicions, should have imposed upon you, accompanied as it +is with such pitiful circumstances? Since he has made you his confidant, +why did not he boast of breaking in pieces my poor harmless guitar? +This exploit, perhaps, might have convinced you more than all the rest: +recollect yourself, and if you are really in love with me, thank +fortune for a groundless jealousy, which diverts to another quarter the +attention he might pay to my attachment for the most amiable and the +most dangerous man of the court.” + +Hamilton was ready to weep for joy at these endearing marks of kindness, +of which he thought himself so unworthy he was not satisfied with +kissing, in raptures, every part of this billet; he also kissed several +times her gloves and her fan. Play being over, Lady Chesterfield +received them from his hands, and read in his eyes the joy that her +billet had raised in his heart. Nor was he satisfied with expressing +his raptures, only by looks: he hastened home, and wrote to her at least +four times as much. How different was this letter from the other! Though +perhaps not so well written; for one does not show so much wit in suing +for pardon, as in venting reproaches, and it seldom happens that the +soft languishing style of a love-letter is so penetrating as that of +invective. + +Be that as it may, his peace was made: their past quarrel gave new life +to their correspondence; and Lady Chesterfield, to make him as easy as +he had before been distrustful expressed on every occasion a feigned +contempt for his rival, and a sincere aversion for her husband. + +So great was his confidence in her, that he consented she should show in +public some marks of attention to the duke, in order to conceal as +much as possible their private intelligence. Thus, at this time nothing +disturbed his peace of mind, but his impatience of finding a favourable +opportunity for the completion of his desires: he thought it was in +her power to command it; but she excused herself on account of several +difficulties which she enumerated to him, and which she was desirous he +should remove by his industry and attentions. + +This silenced his complaints; but whilst he was endeavouring to surmount +these obstacles, still wondering how it was possible that two persons +who were so well disposed to each other, and who were agreed to make +each other happy, could not put their designs in execution, accident +discovered an unexpected adventure, which left him no room to doubt, +either of the happiness of his rival, or of the perfidy of his mistress. + +Misfortunes often fall light when most feared; and frequently prove +heaviest when merited, and when least suspected. Hamilton was in the +middle of the most tender and passionate letter he had ever written +to Lady Chesterfield, when her husband came to announce to him the +particulars of this last discovery: he came so suddenly upon him, that +he had only just time to conceal his amorous epistle among his other +papers. His heart and mind were still so full of what he was writing to +his cousin, that her husband’s complaints against her, at first, were +scarce attended to; besides, in his opinion, he had come in the most +unfortunate moment on all accounts. + +He was, however, obliged to listen to him, and he soon entertained quite +different sentiments: he appeared almost petrified with astonishment, +while the earl was relating to him circumstances of such an extravagant +indiscretion, as seemed to him quite incredible, notwithstanding the +particulars of the fact. “You have reason to be surprised at it,” said +my lord, concluding his story; “but if you doubt the truth of what I +tell you, it will be easy for you to find evidence that will convince +you; for the scene of their tender familiarities was no less public than +the room where the queen plays at cards, which while her majesty was at +play, was, God knows, pretty well crowded. Lady Denham was the first who +discovered what they thought would pass unperceived in the crowd; and +you may very well judge hew secret she would keep such a circumstance. +The truth is, she addressed herself to me first of all, as I entered the +room, to tell me that I should give my wife a little advice, as other +people might take notice of what I might see myself, if I pleased. + +“Your cousin was at play, as I before told you: the duke was sitting +next to her: I know not what was become of his hand; but I am sure that +no one could see his arm below the elbow: I was standing behind them, +just in the place that Lady Denham had quitted: the duke turning round +perceived me, and was so much disturbed at my presence, that he almost +undressed my lady in pulling away his hand. I know not whether they +perceived that they were discovered; but of this I am convinced, that +Lady Denham will take care that everybody shall know it. I must confess +to you, that my embarrassment is so great, that I cannot find words to +express what I now feel: I should not hesitate one moment what course to +take, if I might be allowed to show my resentment against the person who +has wronged me. As for her, I could manage her well enough, if, unworthy +as she is of any consideration, I had not still some regard for an +illustrious family, that would be distracted were I to resent such an +injury as it deserves. In this particular you are interested yourself: +you are my friend, and I make you my confidant in an affair of the +greatest imaginable delicacy: let us then consult together what is +proper to be done in so perplexing and disagreeable a situation.” + +Hamilton, if possible, more astonished, and more confounded than +himself, was far from being in a proper state to afford him advice on +the present occasion: he listened to nothing but jealousy, and breathed +nothing but revenge; but these emotions being somewhat abated, in hopes +that there might be calumny, or at least exaggeration in the charges +against Lady Chesterfield, he desired her husband to suspend his +resolutions, until he was more fully informed of the fact; assuring him, +however, that if he found the circumstances such as he had related, he +should regard and consult no other interest than his. + +Upon this they parted; and Hamilton found, on the first inquiry, that +almost the whole court was informed of the adventure, to which every one +added something in relating it. Vexation and resentment, inflamed his +heart, and by degrees extinguished every remnant of his former passion. + +He might easily have seen her, and have made her such reproaches as a +man is generally inclined to do, on such occasions; but he was too much +enraged to enter into any detail which might have led to an explanation: +he considered himself as the only person essentially injured in this +affair; for he could never bring his mind to think that the injuries of +the husband could be placed in competition with those of the lover. + +He hastened to Lord Chesterfield, in the transport of his passion, and +told him that he had heard enough to induce him to give such advice, as +he should follow himself in the same situation, and that if he wished to +save a woman so strongly prepossessed, and who perhaps had not yet lost +all her innocence, though she had totally lost her reason, he ought +not to delay one single instant, but immediately to carry her into the +country with the greatest possible expedition, without allowing her the +least time to recover her surprise. + +Lord Chesterfield readily agreed to follow this advice, which he had +already considered as the only counsel a friend could give him; but his +lady who did not suspect he had made this last discovery of her conduct, +thought he was joking with her, when he told her to prepare for going +into the country in two days: she was the more induced to think so as +it was in the very middle of an extremely severe winter; but she soon +perceived that he was in earnest: she knew from the air and manner of +her husband that he thought he had sufficient reason to treat her in +this imperious style; and finding all her relations serious and cold +to her complaint, she had no hope left in this universally abandoned +situation but in the tenderness of Hamilton. She imagined she should +hear from him the cause of her misfortunes, of which she was still +totally ignorant, and that his love would invent some means or other +to prevent a journey, which she flattered herself would be even more +affecting to him than to herself; but she was expecting pity from a +crocodile. + +At last, when she saw the eve of her departure was come, that every +preparation was made for a long journey; that she was receiving farewell +visits in form, and that still she heard nothing from Hamilton, both +her hopes and her patience forsook her in this wretched situation. A few +tears perhaps might have afforded her some relief, but she chose +rather to deny herself that comfort, than to give her husband so much +satisfaction. Hamilton’s conduct on this occasion appeared to her +unaccountable; and as he still never came near her, she found means to +convey to him the following billet. + +“Is it possible that you should be one of those, who, without +vouchsafing to tell me for what crime I am treated like a slave, suffer +me to be dragged from society? What means your silence and indolence in +a juncture wherein your tenderness ought most particularly to appear, +and actively exert itself? I am upon the point of departing, and am +ashamed to think that you are the cause of my looking upon it with +horror, as I have reason to believe that you are less concerned at it +than any other person: do, at least, let me know to what place I am to +be dragged; what is to be done with me within a wilderness? and on what +account you, like all the rest of the world, appear changed in your +behaviour towards a person whom all the world could not oblige to change +with regard to you, if your weakness or your ingratitude did not render +you unworthy of her tenderness.” + +This billet did but harden his heart, and make him more proud of his +vengeance: he swallowed down full draughts of pleasure in beholding her +reduced to despair, being persuaded that her grief and regret for +her departure were on account of another person: he felt uncommon +satisfaction in having a share in tormenting her, and was particularly +pleased with the scheme he had contrived to separate her from a rival, +upon the very point perhaps of being made happy. Thus fortified as he +was against his natural tenderness, with all the severity of jealous +resentment, he saw her depart with an indifference which he did not even +endeavour to conceal from her: this unexpected treatment, joined to the +complication of her other misfortunes, had almost in reality plunged her +into despair. + +The court was filled with the story of this adventure; nobody was +ignorant of the occasion of this sudden departure, but very few approved +of Lord Chesterfield’s conduct. In England they looked with astonishment +upon a man who could be so uncivil as to be jealous of his wife; and in +the city of London it was a prodigy, till that time unknown, to see a +husband have recourse to violent means, to prevent what jealousy fears, +and what it always deserves. They endeavoured, however, to excuse poor +Lord Chesterfield, as far as they could safely do it, without incurring +the public odium, by laying all the blame on his bad education. This +made all the mothers vow to God that none of their sons should ever set +a foot in Italy, lest they should bring back with them that infamous +custom of laying restraint upon their wives. + + + + +CHAPTER NINTH. VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT + + +Every man who believes that his honour depends upon that of his wife +is a fool who torments himself, and drives her to despair; but he who, +being naturally jealous, has the additional misfortune of loving his +wife, and who expects that she should only live for him; is a perfect +madman, whom the torments of hell have actually taken hold of in this +world, and whom nobody pities. All reasoning and observation on these +unfortunate circumstances attending wedlock concur in this, that +precaution is vain and useless before the evil, and revenge odious +afterwards. + +The Spaniards, who tyrannise over their wives, more by custom than +from jealousy, content themselves with preserving the niceness of their +honour by duennas, grates, and locks. + +The Italians, who are wary in their suspicions, and vindictive in their +resentments, pursue a different line of conduct: some satisfy themselves +with keeping their wives under locks which they think secure: others +by ingenious precautions exceed whatever the Spaniards can invent for +confining the fair sex but the generality are of opinion, that in either +unavoidable danger or in manifest transgression, the surest way is to +assassinate. + +But, ye courteous and indulgent nations, who, far from admitting these +savage and barbarous customs, give full liberty to your dear ribs, +and commit the care of their virtue to their own discretion, you pass +without alarms or strife your peaceful days, in all the enjoyments of +domestic indolence! + +It was certainly some evil genius that induced Lord Chesterfield to +distinguish himself from his patient and good-natured countrymen, and +ridiculously to afford the world an opportunity of examining into the +particulars of an adventure which would perhaps never have been known +without the verge of the court, and which would everywhere have been +forgotten in less than a month; but now, as soon as ever he had turned +his back, in order to march away with his prisoner, and the ornaments +she was supposed to have bestowed upon him, God only knows what a +terrible attack there was made upon his rear: Rochester, Middlesex, +Sedley, Etheredge, and all the whole band of wits, exposed him in +numberless ballads, and diverted the public at his expense. + +The Chevalier de Grammont was highly pleased with these lively and +humorous compositions; and wherever this subject was mentioned, never +failed to produce his supplement upon the occasion: “It is strange,” + said he, “that the country, which is little better than a gallows or +a grave for young people, is allotted in this land only for the +unfortunate, and not for the guilty! poor Lady Chesterfield, for some +unguarded looks, is immediately seized upon by an angry husband, who +will oblige her to spend her Christmas at a country-house, a hundred and +fifty miles from London; while here there are a thousand ladies who +are left at liberty to do whatever they please, and who indulge in that +liberty, and whose conduct, in short, deserves a daily bastinado. I name +no person, God forbid I should; but Lady Middleton, Lady Denham, the +queen’s and the duchess’s maids of honour, and a hundred others, bestow +their favours to the right and to the left, and not the least notice is +taken of their conduct. As for Lady Shrewsbury, she is conspicuous. I +would take a wager she might have a man killed for her every day, find +she would only hold her head the higher for it: one would suppose she +imported from Rome plenary indulgences for her conduct: there are three +or four gentlemen who wear an ounce of her hair made into bracelets, and +no person finds any fault; and yet shall such a cross-grained fool as +Chesterfield be permitted to exercise an act of tyranny, altogether +unknown in this country, upon the prettiest woman in England, and all +for a mere trifle: but I am his humble servant; his precautions will +avail him nothing; on the contrary, very often a woman, who had no bad +intentions when she was suffered to remain in tranquillity, is prompted +to such conduct by revenge, or reduced to it by necessity: this is +as true as the gospel: hear now what Francisco’s saraband says on the +subject: + + “Tell me, jealous-paced swain, + What avail thy idle arts, + To divide united hearts? + Love, like the wind, I trow, + Will, where it listeth, blow; + So, prithee, peace, for all thy cares are vain. + + “When you are by, + Nor wishful look, be sure, nor eloquent sigh, + Shall dare those inward fires discover, + Which burn in either lover + Yet Argus’ self, if Argus were thy spy, + Should ne’er, with all his mob of eyes, + Surprise. + + “Some joys forbidden, + Transports hidden, + Which love, through dark and secret ways, + Mysterious love, to kindred souls conveys.” + +The Chevalier de Grammont passed for the author of this sonnet: +neither the justness of the sentiment, nor turn of it, are surprisingly +beautiful; but as it contained some truths that flattered the genius +of the nation, and pleased those who interested themselves for the fair +sex, the ladies were all desirous of having it to teach their children. + +During all this time the Duke of York, not being in the way of seeing +Lady Chesterfield, easily forgot her: her absence, however, had some +circumstances attending it which could not but sensibly affect the +person who had occasioned her confinement; but there are certain +fortunate tempers to which every situation is easy; they feel neither +disappointment with bitterness, nor pleasure with acuteness. In the mean +time, as the duke could not remain idle, he had no sooner forgotten Lady +Chesterfield, but he began to think of her whom he had been in love with +before, and was upon the point of relapsing into his old passion for +Miss Hamilton. + +There was in London a celebrated portrait-painter called Lely, who had +greatly improved himself by studying the famous Vandyke’s pictures, +which were dispersed all over England in abundance. Lely imitated +Vandyke’s manner, and approached the nearest to him of all the moderns. +The Duchess of York, being desirous of having the portraits of the +handsomest persons at court, Lely painted them, and employed all his +skill in the performance; nor could he ever exert himself upon more +beautiful subjects. Every picture appeared a master-piece; and that of +Miss Hamilton appeared the highest finished: Lely himself acknowledged +that he had drawn it with a particular pleasure. The Duke of York took +a delight in looking at it, and began again to ogle the original: he had +very little reason to hope for success; and at the same time that his +hopeless passion alarmed the Chevalier de Grammont, Lady Denham thought +proper to renew the negotiation which had so unluckily been interrupted: +it was soon brought to a conclusion; for where both parties are sincere +in a negotiation, no time is lost in cavilling. Everything succeeded +prosperously on one side; yet, I know not what fatality obstructed the +pretensions of the other. The duke was very urgent with the duchess to +put Lady Denham in possession of the place which was the object of her +ambition; but as she was not guarantee for the performance of the +secret articles of the treaty, though till this time she had borne with +patience the inconstancy of the duke, and yielded submissively to +his desires; yet, in the present instance, it appeared hard and +dishonourable to her, to entertain near her person, a rival, who would +expose her to the danger of acting but a second part in the midst of her +own court. However, she saw herself upon the point of being forced to it +by authority, when a far more unfortunate obstacle for ever bereft poor +Lady Denham of the hopes of possessing that fatal place, which she had +solicited with such eagerness. + +Old Denham, naturally jealous, became more and more suspicious, and +found that he had sufficient ground for such conduct: his wife was +young and handsome, he old and disagreeable: what reason then had he to +flatter himself that Heaven would exempt him from the fate of husbands +in the like circumstances? This he was continually saying to himself; +but when compliments were poured in upon him from all sides, upon the +place his lady was going to have near the duchess’s person, he formed +ideas of what was sufficient to have made him hang himself, if he had +possessed the resolution. The traitor chose rather to exercise his +courage against another. He wanted precedents for putting in practice +his resentments in a privileged country: that of Lord Chesterfield was +not sufficiently bitter for the revenge he meditated: besides, he had no +country-house to which he could carry his unfortunate wife. This being +the case, the old villain made her travel a much longer journey without +stirring out of London. Merciless fate robbed her of life, and of her +dearest hopes, in the bloom of youth. + +As no person entertained any doubt of his having poisoned her, the +populace of his neighbourhood had a design of tearing him in pieces, +as soon as he should come abroad; but he shut himself up to bewail her +death, until their fury was appeased by a magnificent funeral, at which +he distributed four times more burnt wine than had ever been drunk at +any burial in England. + + [The lampoons of the day, some of which are to be found in Andrew + Marvell’s Works, more than insinuate that she was deprived of life + by a mixture infused into some chocolate. The slander of the times + imputed her death to the jealousy of the Duchess of York.] + +While the town was in fear of some great disaster, as an expiation for +these fatal effects of jealousy, Hamilton was not altogether so easy +as he flattered himself he should be after the departure of Lady +Chesterfield: he had only consulted the dictates of revenge in what he +had done. His vengeance was satisfied; but such was far from being +the case with his love; and having, since the absence of her he +still admired, notwithstanding his resentments, leisure to make those +reflections which a recent injury will not permit a man to attend +to: “And wherefore,” said he to himself, “was I so eager to make her +miserable, who alone, however culpable she may be, has it in her power +to make me happy? Cursed jealousy!” continued he, “yet more cruel to +those who torment than to those who are tormented! What have I gained by +having blasted the hopes of a more happy rival, since I was not able +to perform this without depriving myself, at the same time, of her upon +whom the whole happiness and comfort of my life was centred.” + +Thus, clearly proving to himself, by a great many reasonings of the +same kind, and all out of season, that in such an engagement it was much +better to partake with another than to have nothing at all, he filled +his mind with a number of vain regrets and unprofitable remorse, when he +received a letter from her who occasioned them, but a letter so exactly +adapted to increase them, that, after he had read it, he looked upon +himself as the greatest scoundrel in the world. Here it follows: + +“You will, no doubt, be as much surprised at this letter as I was at the +unconcerned air with which you beheld my departure. I am led to believe +that you had imagined reasons which, in your own mind, justified such +unseasonable conduct. If you are still under the impression of such +barbarous sentiments it will afford you pleasure to be made acquainted +with what I suffer in the most horrible of prisons. Whatever the country +affords most melancholy in this season presents itself to my view on all +sides: surrounded by impassable roads, out of one window I see nothing +but rocks, out of another nothing but precipices; but wherever I turn +my eyes within doors I meet those of a jealous husband, still more +insupportable than the sad objects that encompass me. I should add to +the misfortunes of my life that of seeming criminal in the eyes of a man +who ought to have justified me, even against convincing appearances, if +by my avowed innocence I had a right to complain or to expostulate: but +how is it possible for me to justify myself at such a distance; and how +can I flatter myself that the description of a most dreadful prison will +not prevent you from believing me? But do you deserve that I should +wish you did? Heavens! how I must hate you, if I did not love you to +distraction. Come, therefore, and let me once again see you, that you +may hear my justification; and I am convinced that if after this visit +you find me guilty it will not be with respect to yourself. Our Argus +sets out to-morrow for Chester, where a law-suit will detain him a week. +I know not whether he will gain it; but I am sure it will be entirely +your fault if he does not lose one, for which he is at least as anxious +as that he is now going after.” + +This letter was sufficient to make a man run blindfold into an adventure +still more rash than that which was proposed to him, and that was rash +enough in all respects: he could not perceive by what means she could +justify herself; but as she assured him he should be satisfied with his +journey, this was all he desired at present. + +There was one of his relations with Lady Chesterfield, who, having +accompanied her in her exile, had gained some share in their mutual +confidence; and it was through her means he received this letter, +with all the necessary instructions about his journey and his arrival. +Secrecy being the soul of such expeditions, especially before an amour +is accomplished, he took post, and set out in the night, animated by the +most tender and flattering wishes, so that, in less than no time almost, +in comparison with the distance and the badness of the roads, he +had travelled a hundred and fifty tedious miles at the last stage +he prudently dismissed the post-boy. It was not yet daylight, and +therefore, for fear of the rocks and precipices mentioned in her letter, +he proceeded with tolerable discretion, considering he was in love. + +By this means he fortunately escaped all the dangerous places, and, +according to his instructions, alighted at a little hut adjoining to the +park wall. The place was not magnificent; but, as he only wanted rest, +it did well enough for that: he did not wish for daylight, and was even +still less desirous of being seen; wherefore, having shut himself up in +this obscure retreat, he fell into a profound sleep, and did not wake +until noon. As he was particularly hungry when he awoke, he ate and +drank heartily: and, as he was the neatest man at court, and was +expected by the neatest lady in England, he spent the remainder of the +day in dressing himself, and in making all those preparations which the +time and place permitted, without deigning once to look around him, or +to ask his landlord a single question. At last the orders he expected +with great impatience were brought him, in the beginning of the evening, +by a servant, who, attending him as a guide, after having led him for +about half an hour in the dirt, through a park of vast extent, brought +him at last into a garden, into which a little door opened: he was +posted exactly opposite to this door, by which, in a short time, he was +to be introduced to a more agreeable situation; and here his conductor +left him. The night advanced, but the door never opened. + +Though the winter was almost over, the cold weather seemed only to be +beginning: he was dirtied up to his knees in mud, and soon perceived +that if he continued much longer in this garden it would all be +frozen. This beginning of a very dark and bitter night would have been +unbearable to any other; but it was nothing to a man who flattered +himself to pass the remainder of it in the height of bliss. However, he +began to wonder at so many precautions in the absence of a husband his +imagination, by a thousand delicious and tender ideas supported him +some time against the torments of impatience and the inclemency of +the weather; but he felt his imagination, notwithstanding, cooling by +degrees; and two hours, which seemed to him as tedious as two whole +ages, having passed, and not the least notice being taken of him, either +from the door or from the window, he began to reason with himself upon +the posture of his affairs, and what was the fittest conduct for him to +pursue in this emergency: “What if I should rap at this cursed door,” + said he; “for if my fate requires that I should perish, it is at least +more honourable to die in the house than to be starved to death in +the garden but then,” continued he, “I may, thereby, perhaps, expose +a person whom some unforeseen accident may, at this very instant, have +reduced to greater perplexity than even I myself am in.” This thought +supplied him with a necessary degree of patience and fortitude against +the enemies he had to contend with; he therefore began to walk quickly +to and fro, with resolution to wait, as long as he could keep alive, the +end of an adventure which had such an uncomfortable beginning. All this +was to no purpose; for though he used every effort to keep himself warm, +and though muffled up in a thick cloak, yet he began to be benumbed in +all his limbs, and the cold gained the ascendancy over all his amorous +vivacity and eagerness. Daybreak was not far off, and judging now +that, though the accursed door should even be opened, it would be to no +purpose, he returned, as well as he could, to the place from whence he +had set out upon this wonderful expedition. + +All the faggots that were in the cottage were hardly able to unfreeze +him: the more he reflected on his adventure, the circumstances attending +it appeared still the more strange and unaccountable; but so far +from accusing the charming countess, he suffered a thousand different +anxieties on her account. Sometimes he imagined that her husband might +have returned unexpectedly; sometimes, that she might suddenly have +been taken ill; in short, that some insuperable obstacle had unluckily +interposed, and prevented his happiness, notwithstanding his mistress’s +kind intentions towards him. “But wherefore,” said he, “did she forget +me in that cursed garden? Is it possible that she could not find a +single moment to make me at least, some sign or other, if she could +neither speak to me nor give me admittance?” He knew not which of these +conjectures to rely upon, or how to answer his own questions; but as he +flattered himself that everything would succeed better the next night, +after having vowed not to set a foot again into that unfortunate garden, +he gave orders to be awakened as soon as any person should inquire for +him: then he laid himself down in one of the worst beds in the world, +and slept as sound as if he had been in the best: he supposed that he +should not be awakened, but either by a letter or a message from Lady +Chesterfield; but he had scarce slept two hours when he was roused by +the sound of the horn and the cry of the hounds. The but which afforded +him a retreat, joining, as we before said, to the park wall, he called +his host, to know what was the occasion of that hunting, which made a +noise as if the whole pack of hounds had been in his bed-chamber. He was +told that it was my lord hunting a hare in his park. “What lord?” said +he, in great surprise. “The Earl of Chesterfield,” replied the pea sant. +He was so astonished at this that at first he hid his head under the +bed-clothes, under the idea that he already saw him entering with all +his bounds; but as soon as he had a little recovered himself he began +to curse capricious fortune, no longer doubting but this jealous fool’s +return had occasioned all his tribulations in the preceding night. + +It was not possible for him to sleep again, after such an alarm; he +therefore got up, that he might revolve in his mind all the stratagems +that are usually employed either to deceive, or to remove out of the +way, a jealous scoundrel of a husband, who thought fit to neglect his +law-suit in order to plague his wife. He had just finished dressing +himself, and was beginning to question his landlord, when the same +servant who had conducted him to the garden delivered him a letter, and +disappeared, without waiting for an answer. This letter was from his +relation, and was to this effect: + +“I am extremely sorry that I have innocently been accessary to bringing +you to a place, to which you were only invited to be laughed at: I +opposed this journey at first, though I was then persuaded it was wholly +suggested by her tenderness; but she has now undeceived me: she triumphs +in the trick she has played you: her husband has not stirred from hence, +but stays at home, out of complaisance to her: he treats her in the most +affectionate manner; and it was upon their reconciliation that she found +out that you had advised him to carry her into the country. She has +conceived such hatred and aversion against you for it, that I find, from +her discourse, she has not yet wholly satisfied her resentment. Console +yourself for the hatred of a person, whose heart never merited your +tenderness. Return: a longer stay in this place will but draw upon you +some fresh misfortune: for my part, I shall soon leave her: I know her, +and I thank God for it. I do not repent having pitied her at first; but +I am disgusted with an employment which but ill agrees with my way of +thinking.” + +Upon reading this letter, astonishment, shame, hatred, and rage, seized +at once upon his heart: then menaces, invectives, and the desire of +vengeance, broke forth by turns, and excited his passion and resentment; +but, after he deliberately considered the matter, he resolved that it +was now the best way quietly to mount his horse, and to carry back +with him to London a severe cold, instead of the soft wishes and tender +desires he had brought from thence. He quitted this perfidious place +with much greater expedition than he had arrived at it, though his +mind was far from being occupied with such tender and agreeable ideas: +however, when he thought himself at a sufficient distance to be out of +danger of meeting Lord Chesterfield and his hounds, he chose to look +back, that he might at least have the satisfaction of seeing the prison +where this wicked enchantress was confined; but what was his surprise, +when he saw a very fine house, situated on the banks of a river, in +the most delightful and pleasant country imaginable. Neither rock nor +precipice was here to be seen; for, in reality, they were only in +the letter of his perfidious mistress. This furnished fresh cause for +resentment and confusion to a man who thought himself so well acquainted +with all the wiles, as well as weaknesses, of the fair sex; and who now +found himself the dupe of a coquette, who was reconciled to her husband +in order to be revenged on her lover. + +At last he reached London, well furnished with arguments to maintain +that a man must be extremely weak to trust to the tenderness of a woman +who has once deceived him, but that he must be a complete fool to run +after her. + +This adventure not being much to his credit, he suppressed, as much as +possible, both the journey and the circumstances attending it; but, as +we may easily suppose, Lady Chesterfield made no secret of it, the king +came to the knowledge of it; and, having complimented Hamilton upon it, +desired to be informed of all the particulars of the expedition. The +Chevalier de Grammont happened to be present at this recital; and, +having gently inveighed against the treacherous manner in which he had +been used, said: “If she is to be blamed for carrying the jest so +far, you are no less to be blamed for coming back so suddenly, like an +ignorant novice. I dare lay an hundred guineas, she has more than once +repented of a resentment which you pretty well deserved for the trick +you had played her: women love revenge; but their resentments seldom +last long; and if you had remained in the neighbourhood till the next +day, I will be hanged if she would not have given you satisfaction for +the first night’s sufferings.” Hamilton being of a different opinion, +the Chevalier de Grammont resolved to maintain his assertion by a case +in point; and, addressing himself to the king: “Sir,” said he, “your +majesty, I suppose, must have known Marion de l’Orme, the most charming +creature in all France: though she was as witty as an angel, she was as +capricious as a devil. This beauty having made me an appointment, a whim +seized her to put me off, and to give it to another; she therefore wrote +me one of the tenderest billets in the world, full of the grief and +sorrow she was in, by being obliged to disappoint me; on account of a +most terrible headache, that obliged her to keep her bed, and deprived +her of the pleasure of seeing me till the next day. This headache coming +all of a sudden, appeared to me very suspicious; and, never doubting but +it was her intention to jilt me: ‘Very well, mistress coquette,’ said I +to myself, ‘if you do not enjoy the pleasure of seeing me this day, you +shall not enjoy the satisfaction of seeing another.’ + +“Hereupon, I detached all my servants, some of whom patrolled about +her house, whilst others watched her door; one of the latter brought me +intelligence that no person had gone into her house all the afternoon; +but that a foot-boy had gone out as it grew dark; that he followed him +as far as the Rue Saint Antoine, where this boy met another, to whom +he only spoke two or three words. This was sufficient to confirm my +suspicions, and make me resolve either to make one of the party, or to +disconcert it. + + [Marion de l’Orme, born at Chalons, in Champagne, was esteemed the + most beautiful woman of her times. It is believed that she was + secretly married to the unfortunate Monsieur Cinqmars. After his + death, she became the mistress of Cardinal Richelieu, and, at last, + of Monsieur d’Emery, superintendent of the finances.] + +“As the bagnio where I lodged was at a great distance from the Marais, +as soon as the night set in I mounted my horse, without any attendant. +When I came to the Place-Royale, the servant, who was sentry there, +assured me that no person was yet gone into Mademoiselle de l’Orme’s +house: I rode forward towards the Rue Saint Antoine; and, just as I was +going out of the Place-Royale, I saw a man on foot coming into it, who +avoided me as much as he possibly could; but his endeavour was all to no +purpose; I knew him to be the Duke de Brissac, and I no longer doubted +but he was my rival that night: I then approached towards him, seeming +as if I feared I mistook my man; and, alighting with a very busy air +‘Brissac, my friend,’ said I, ‘you must do me a service of the very +greatest importance: I have an appointment, for the first time, with +a girl who lives very near this place; and, as this visit is only +to concert measures, I shall make but a very short stay: be so kind, +therefore, as to lend me your cloak, and walk my horse about a little, +until I return; but, above all, do not go far from this place: you see +that I use you freely like a friend; but you know it is upon condition +that you may take the same liberty with me.’ I took his cloak, without +waiting for his answer, and he took my horse by the bridle, and followed +me with his eye; but he gained no intelligence by this; for, after +having pretended to go into a house opposite to him, I slipped under the +piazzas to Mademoiselle de l’Orme’s, where the door was opened as soon +as I knocked. I was so much muffled up in Brissac’s cloak that I was +taken for him: the door was immediately shut, not the least question +asked me; and having none to ask myself I went straight to the lady’s +chamber. I found her upon a couch in the most agreeable and genteelest +deshabille imaginable: she never in her life looked so handsome, nor was +so greatly surprised; and, seeing her speechless and confounded: ‘What +is the matter, my fair one?’ said I, ‘methinks this is a headache very +elegantly set off; but your headache, to all appearance, is now gone?’ +‘Not in the least,’ said she, ‘I can scarce support it, and you will +oblige me in going away that I may go to bed.’ ‘As for your going to +bed, to that I have not the least objection,’ said I, ‘but as for +my going away, that cannot be, my little princess: the Chevalier de +Grammont is no fool; a woman does not dress herself with so much care +for nothing.’ ‘You will find, however,’ said she, ‘that it is for +nothing; for you may depend upon it that you shall be no gainer by it.’ +‘What!’ said I, ‘after having made me an appointment!’ ‘Well,’ replied +she hastily, ‘though I had made you fifty, it still depends upon me, +whether I chose to keep them or not, and you must submit if I do +not.’ ‘This might do very well,’ said I, ‘if it was not to give it to +another.’ Mademoiselle de l’Orme, as haughty as a woman of the greatest +virtue, and as passionate as one who has the least, was irritated at a +suspicion which gave her more concern than confusion; and seeing that +she was beginning to put herself in a passion: ‘Madam,’ said I, ‘pray do +not talk in so high a strain; I know what perplexes you: you are afraid +lest Brissac should meet me here; but you may make yourself easy on that +account: I met him not far from this place, and God knows that I have so +managed the affair as to prevent his visiting you soon.’ Having spoken +these words in a tone somewhat tragical, she appeared concerned at +first, and, looking upon me with surprise: ‘What do you mean about the +Duke de Brissac?’ said she. ‘I mean,’ replied I, ‘that he is at the end +of the street, walking my horse about; but, if you will not believe me, +send one of your own servants thither, or look at his cloak which I left +in your ante-chamber.’ Upon this she burst into a fit of laughter, in +the midst of her astonishment, and, throwing her arms around my neck, +‘My dear Chevalier,’ said she, ‘I can hold out no longer; you are too +amiable and too eccentric not to be pardoned.’ I then told her the +whole story: she was ready to die with laughing; and, parting very good +friends, she assured me my rival might exercise horses as long as he +pleased, but that he should not set his foot within her doors that +night. + +“I found the duke exactly in the place where I had left him: I asked him +a thousand pardons for having made him wait so long, and thanked him +a thousand times for his complaisance. He told me I jested, that such +compliments were unusual among friends; and to convince me that he had +cordially rendered me this piece of service, he would, by all means, +hold my horse while I was mounting. I returned him his cloak, bade him +good night, and went back to my lodgings, equally satisfied with my +mistress and my rival. This,” continued he, “proves that a little +patience and address are sufficient to disarm the anger of the fair, to +turn even their tricks to a man’s advantage.” + +It was in vain that the Chevalier de Grammont diverted the court with +his stories, instructed by his example, and never appeared there but +to inspire universal joy; for a long time he was the only foreigner in +fashion. Fortune, jealous of the justice which is done to merit, and +desirous of seeing all human happiness depend on her caprice, raised +up against him two competitors for the pleasure he had long enjoyed of +entertaining the English court; and these competitors were so much the +more dangerous, as the reputation of their several merits had preceded +their arrival, in order to dispose the suffrages of the court in their +favour. + +They came to display, in their own persons, whatever was the most +accomplished either among the men of the sword, or of the gown. The one +was the Marquis de Flamarens, the sad object of the sad elegies of the +Countess de la Suse, the other was the president Tambonneau, the most +humble and most obedient servant and admirer of the beauteous Luynes. As +they arrived together, they exerted every endeavour to shine in concert: +their talents were as different as their persons; Tambonneau, who was +tolerably ugly, founded his hopes upon a great store of wit, which, +however, no person in England could find out; and Flamarens, by his air +and mien, courted admiration, which was flatly denied him. + +They had agreed mutually to assist each other, in order to succeed in +their intentions; and therefore, in their first visits, the one appeared +in state, and the other was the spokesman. But they found the ladies in +England of a far different taste from those who had rendered them famous +in France: the rhetoric of the one had no effect on the fair sex, and +the fine mien of the other distinguished him only in a minuet, which +he first introduced into England, and which he danced with tolerable +success. The English court had been too long accustomed to the solid wit +of Saint Evremond, and the natural and singular charms of his hero, to +be seduced by appearances; however, as the English have, in general, a +sort of predilection in favour of anything that has the appearance of +bravery, Flamarens was better received on account of a duel, which, +obliging him to leave his own country, was a recommendation to him in +England. + +Miss Hamilton had, at first, the honour of being distinguished by +Tambonneau, who thought she possessed a sufficient share of wit to +discover the delicacy of his; and, being delighted to find that nothing +was lost in her conversation, either as to the turn, the expression, or +beauty of the thought, he frequently did her the favour to converse with +her; and, perhaps, he would never have found out that he was tiresome, +if, contenting himself with the display of his eloquence, he had not +thought proper to attack her heart. This was carrying the matter a +little too far for Miss Hamilton’s complaisance, who was of opinion that +she had already shown him too much for the tropes of his harangues: +he was therefore desired to try somewhere else the experiment of his +seducing tongue, and not to lose the merit of his former constancy by an +infidelity which would be of no advantage to him. + +He followed this advice like a wise and tractable man; and some time +after, returning to his old mistress in France, he began to lay in a +store of politics for those important negotiations in which he has since +been employed. + +It was not till after his departure that the Chevalier de Grammont heard +of the amorous declaration he had made: this was a confidence of no +great importance; it, however, saved Tambonneau from some ridicule +which might have fallen to his share before he went away. His colleague, +Flamarens, deprived of his support, soon perceived that he was not +likely to meet in England with the success he had expected, both from +love and fortune: but Lord Falmouth, ever attentive to the glory of his +master, in the relief of illustrious men in distress, provided for his +subsistence, and Lady Southesk for his pleasures: he obtained a pension +from the king, and from her everything he desired; and most happy was it +for him that she had no other present to bestow but that of her heart. + +It was at this time that Talbot, whom we have before mentioned, and +who was afterwards created Duke of Tyrconnel, fell in love with Miss +Hamilton. There was not a more genteel man at court: he was indeed but +a younger brother, though of a very ancient family, which, however, was +not very considerable either for its renown or its riches; and though he +was naturally of a careless disposition, yet, being intent upon making +his fortune, and much in favour with the Duke of York, and fortune +likewise favouring him at play, he had improved both so well that he was +in possession of about forty thousand pounds a year in land. He offered +himself to Miss Hamilton, with this fortune, together with the almost +certain hopes of being made a peer of the realm, by his master’s credit; +and, over-and-above all, as many sacrifices as she could desire of Lady +Shrewsbury’s letters, pictures, and hair; curiosities which, indeed, +are reckoned for nothing in housekeeping, but which testify strongly in +favour of the sincerity and merit of a lover. + +Such a rival was not to be despised; and the Chevalier de Grammont +thought him the more dangerous, as he perceived that Talbot was +desperately in love; that he was not a man to be discouraged by a first +repulse; that he had too much sense and good breeding to draw upon +himself either contempt or coldness by too great eagerness; and, besides +this, his brothers began to frequent the house. One of these brothers +was almoner to the queen, an intriguing Jesuit, and a great match-maker: +the other was what was called a lay-monk, who had nothing of his order +but the immorality and infamy of character which is ascribed to them; +and withal, frank and free, and sometimes entertaining, but ever ready +to speak bold and offensive truths, and to do good offices. + +When the Chevalier de Grammont reflected upon all these things, there +certainly was strong ground for uneasiness: nor was the indifference +which Miss Hamilton showed for the addresses of his rival sufficient to +remove his fears; for being absolutely dependent on her father’s will, +she could only answer for her own intentions: but Fortune, who seemed to +have taken him under her protection in England, now delivered him from +all his uneasiness. + +Talbot had for many years stood forward as the patron of the distressed +Irish: this zeal for his countrymen was certainly very commendable +in itself; at the same time, however, it was not altogether free from +self-interest: for, out of all the estates he had, through his credit, +procured the restoration of to their primitive owners, he had always +obtained some small compensation for himself; but, as each owner found +his advantage in it, no complaint was made. Nevertheless, as it is very +difficult to use fortune and favour with moderation, and not to swell +with the gales of prosperity, some of his proceedings had an air of +haughtiness and independence, which offended the Duke of Ormond, then +Lord Lieutenant of Ireland, as injurious to his Grace’s authority. The +Duke resented this behaviour with great spirit. As there certainly was +a great difference between them, both as to their birth and rank, and +to their credit, it had been prudent in Talbot to have had recourse to +apologies and submission; but such conduct appeared to him base, and +unworthy for a man of his importance to submit to: he accordingly acted +with haughtiness and insolence; but he was soon convinced of his error; +for, having inconsiderately launched out into some arrogant expressions, +which it neither became him to utter nor the Duke of Ormond to forgive, +he was sent prisoner to the Tower, from whence he could not be released +until he had made all necessary submissions to his Grace: he therefore +employed all his friends for that purpose, and was obliged to yield more +to get out of this scrape than would have been necessary to have avoided +it. By this imprudent conduct he lost all hopes of marrying into a +family, which, after such a proceeding, was not likely to listen to any +proposal from him. + + [A very exact account of this transaction is given by Lord + Clarendon, by which it appears, that Talbot was committed to the + Tower for threatening to assassinate the Duke of Ormond. + --Continuation of Clarendon, p. 362.] + +It was with great difficulty and mortification that he was obliged to +suppress a passion which had made far greater progress in his heart than +this quarrel had done good to his affairs. This being the case, he was +of opinion that his presence was necessary in Ireland, and that he was +better out of the way of Miss Hamilton, to remove those impressions +which still troubled his repose: his departure, therefore, soon followed +this resolution. + +Talbot played deep, and was tolerably forgetful: the Chevalier de +Grammont won three or four hundred guineas of him the very evening on +which he was sent to the Tower. That accident had made him forget +his usual punctuality in paying the next morning whatever he had lost +over-night; and this debt had so far escaped his memory, that it never +once occurred to him after he was enlarged. The Chevalier de Grammont, +who saw him at his departure, without taking the least notice of the +money he owed him, wished him a good journey; and, having met him at +court, as he came to take his leave of the king: “Talbot,” said he, “if +my services can be of any use to you during your absence, you have +but to command them: you know old Russell has left his nephew as his +resident with Miss Hamilton: if you please, I will act for you in the +same capacity. Adieu, God bless you: be sure not to fall sick upon the +road; but if you should, pray remember me in your will.” Talbot, who, +upon this compliment, immediately recollected the money he owed the +Chevalier, burst out a-laughing, and embracing him: “My dear Chevalier,” + said he, “I am so much obliged to you for your offer, that I resign you +my mistress, and will send you your money instantly.” The Chevalier de +Grammont possessed a thousand of these genteel ways of refreshing +the memories of those persons who were apt to be forgetful in their +payments. The following is the method he used some years after with +Lord Cornwallis: this lord had married the daughter of Sir Stephen +Fox,--treasurer of the king’s household, one of the richest and most +regular men in England. His son-in-law, on the contrary, was a young +spendthrift, was very extravagant, loved gaming, lost as much as any one +would trust him, but was not quite so ready at paying. His father-in-law +disapproved of his conduct, paid his debts, and gave him a lecture at +the same time. The Chevalier de Grammont had won of him a thousand or +twelve hundred guineas, which he heard no tidings of, although he was +upon the eve of his departure, and he had taken leave of Cornwallis in a +more particular manner than any other person. This obliged the Chevalier +to write him a billet, which was rather laconic. It was this: + + “MY LORD, + + “Pray remember the Count de Grammont, and do not forget Sir Stephen + Fox.” + +To return to Talbot: he went away more concerned than became a man who +had voluntarily resigned his mistress to another: neither his stay in +Ireland, nor his solicitude about his domestic affairs, perfectly +cured him; and if at his return he found himself disengaged from +Miss Hamilton’s chains, it was only to exchange them for others. The +alteration that had taken place in the two courts occasioned this change +in him, as we shall see in the sequel. + +We have hitherto only mentioned the queen’s maids of honour, upon +account of Miss Stewart and Miss Warmestre the others were Miss +Bellenden, Mademoiselle de la Garde and Mademoiselle Bardou, all maids +of honour, as it pleased God. + +Miss Bellenden was no beauty, but was a good-natured girl, whose chief +merit consisted in being plump and fresh-coloured; and who, not having +a sufficient stock of wit to be a coquette in form, used all her +endeavours to please every person by her complaisance. Mademoiselle de +la Garde, and Mademoiselle Bardou, both French, had been preferred to +their places by the queen dowager: the first was a little brunette, who +was continually meddling in the affairs of her companions; and the +other by all means claimed the rank of a maid of honour, though she only +lodged with the others, and both her title and services were constantly +contested. + +It was hardly possible for a woman to be more ugly, with so fine a +shape; but as a recompense, her ugliness was set off with every art. The +use she was put to, was to dance with Flamarens, and sometimes, towards +the conclusion of a ball, possessed of castanets and effrontery, she +would dance some figured saraband or other, which amused the court. Let +us now see in what manner this ended. + +As Miss Stewart was very seldom in waiting on the queen, she was +scarcely considered as a maid of honour: the others went off almost at +the same time, by different adventures; and this is the history of Miss +Warmestre, whom we have before mentioned, when speaking of the Chevalier +de Grammont. + +Lord Taaffe, eldest son of the Earl of Carlingford, was supposed to be +in love with her; and Miss Warmestre not only imagined it was so, but +likewise persuaded herself that he would not fail to marry her the first +opportunity; and in the mean time she thought it her duty to entertain +him with all the civility imaginable. Taaffe had made the Duke of +Richmond his confidant: these two were particularly attached to each +other; but still more so to wine. The Duke of Richmond, notwithstanding +his birth, made but an indifferent figure at court; and the king +respected him still less than his courtiers did: and perhaps it was in +order to court his majesty’s favour that he thought proper to fall in +love with Miss Stewart. The Duke and Lord Taaffe made each other the +confidants of their respective engagements; and these were the measures +they took to put their designs in execution. Little Mademoiselle de la +Gardet was charged to acquaint Miss Stewart that the Duke of Richmond +was dying of love for her, and that when he ogled her in public it was +a certain sign that he was ready to marry her, as soon as ever she would +consent. + +Taaffe had no commission to give the little ambassadress for Miss +Warmestre; for there everything was already arranged; but she was +charged to settle and provide some conveniences which were still wanting +for the freedom of their commerce, such as to have free egress and +regress to her at all hours of the day or night: this appeared difficult +to be obtained, but it was, however, at length accomplished. + +The governess of the maids of honour, who for the world would not have +connived at anything that was not fair and honourable, consented that +they should sup as often as they pleased in Miss Warmestre’s apartments, +provided their intentions were honourable, and she one of the company. +The good old lady was particularly fond of green oysters, and had no +aversion to Spanish wine: she was certain of finding at every one of +these suppers two barrels of oysters; one to be eaten with the party, +and the other for her to carry away: as soon, therefore, as she had +taken her dose of wine, she took her leave of the company. + +It was much about the time that the Chevalier de Grammont had cast his +eyes upon Miss Warmestre, that this kind of life was led in her chamber. +God knows how many ham pies, bottles of wine, and other products of his +lordship’s liberality were there consumed! + +In the midst of these nocturnal festivals, and of this innocent +commerce, a relation of Killegrew’s came up to London about a lawsuit: +he gained his cause, but nearly lost his senses. + +He was a country gentleman, who had been a widower about six months, +and was possessed of fifteen or sixteen thousand pounds a-year: the good +man, who had no business at court, went thither merely to see his cousin +Killegrew, who could have dispensed with his visits. He there saw +Miss Warmestre; and at first sight fell in love with her. His passion +increased to such a degree that, having no rest either by day or night, +he was obliged to have recourse to extraordinary remedies; he therefore +early one morning called upon his cousin Killegrew, told him his case, +and desired him to demand Miss Warmestre in marriage for him. + +Killegrew was struck with wonder and astonishment when he heard his +design: nor could he cease wondering at what sort of creature, of all +the women in London, his cousin had resolved upon marrying. It was some +time before Killegrew could believe that he was in earnest; but when +he was convinced that he was, he began to enumerate the dangers and +inconveniences attending so rash an enterprise. He told him that a girl +educated at court, was a terrible piece of furniture for the country; +that to carry her thither against her inclination, would as effectually +rob him of his happiness and repose, as if he was transported to hell; +that if he consented to let her stay, he needed only to compute what +it would cost him in equipage, table, clothes, and gaming-money, to +maintain her in London according to her caprices; and then to cast up +how long his fifteen thousand a-year would last. + +His cousin had already formed this computation; but, finding his reason +less potent than his love, he remained fixed in his resolution; and +Killegrew, yielding at length to his importunities, went and offered +his cousin, bound hand and foot, to the victorious fair. As he dreaded +nothing more than a compliance on her part, so nothing could astonish +him more than the contempt with which she received his proposal. The +scorn with which she refused him, made him believe that she was sure of +Lord Taaffe, and wonder how a girl like her could find out two men who +would venture to marry her. He hastened to relate this refusal, with all +the most aggravating circumstances, as the best news he could carry +to his cousin; but his cousin would not believe him: he supposed that +Killegrew disguised the truth, for the same reasons he had already +alleged; and not daring to mention the matter any more to him, he +resolved to wait upon her himself. He summoned all his courage for +the enterprise, and got his compliment by heart; but as soon as he +had opened his mouth for the purpose, she told him he might have saved +himself the trouble of calling on her about such a ridiculous affair; +that she had already given her answer to Killegrew; and that she +neither had, nor ever should have, any other to give; which words she +accompanied with all the severity with which importunate demands are +usually refused. + +He was more affected than confounded at this repulse: everything became +odious to him in London, and he himself more so than all the rest: he +therefore left town, without taking leave of his cousin, went back to +his country seat, and thinking it would be impossible for him to live +without the inhuman fair, he resolved to neglect no opportunity in his +power to hasten his death. + +But whilst, in order to indulge his sorrow, he had forsaken all +intercourse with dogs and horses; that is to say, renounced all the +delights and endearments of a country squire, the scornful nymph, who +was certainly mistaken in her reckoning, took the liberty of being +brought to-bed in the face of the whole court. + +An adventure so public made no small noise, as we may very well +imagine: all the prudes at court at once broke loose upon it; and those +principally, whose age or persons secured them from any such scandal, +were the most inveterate, and cried most loudly for justice. But the +governess of the maids of honour, who might have been called to an +account for it, affirmed that it was nothing at all, and that she was +possessed of circumstances which would at once silence all censorious +tongues. She had an audience of the queen, in order to unfold the +mystery; and related to her majesty how everything had passed with her +consent, that is to say, upon honourable terms. + +The queen sent to inquire of Lord Taaffe, whether he acknowledged Miss +Warmestre for his wife: to which he most respectfully returned for +answer, that he neither acknowledged Miss Warmestre nor her child, +and that he wondered why she should rather father it upon him than any +other. The unfortunate Warmestre, more enraged at this answer than at +the loss of such a lover, quitted the court as soon as ever she was +able, with a resolution of quitting the world the first opportunity. + +Killegrew, being upon the point of setting out upon a journey, when this +adventure happened, thought he might as well call upon his afflicted +cousin in his way, to acquaint him with the circumstance; and as soon as +he saw him, without paying any attention to the delicacy of his love, +or to his feelings, he bluntly told him the whole story: nor did he omit +any colouring that could heighten his indignation, in order to make him +burst with shame and resentment. + +We read that the gentle Tiridates quietly expired upon the recital of +the death of Mariamne; but Killegrew’s fond cousin falling devoutly +upon his knees, and lifting up his eyes to Heaven, poured forth this +exclamation: + +“Praised be the Lord for a small misfortune, which perhaps may prove +the comfort of my life! Who knows but the beauteous Warmestre will now +accept of me for a husband; and that I may have the happiness of passing +the remainder of my days with a woman I adore, and by whom I may expect +to have heirs?” “Certainly,” said Killegrew, more confounded than his +cousin ought to have been on such an occasion, “you may depend upon +having both: I make no manner of doubt but she will marry you as soon +as ever she is recovered from her lying-in; and it would be a great +ill-nature in her, who already knows the way, to let you want children: +however, in the meantime I advise you to take that she has already, till +you get more.” + +Notwithstanding this raillery, all that was said did take place. This +faithful lover courted her, as if she had been the chaste Lucretia, or +the beauteous Helen: his passion even increased after marriage, and +the generous fair, first out of gratitude, and afterwards through +inclination, never brought him a child of which he was not the father; +and though there have been many a happy couple in England, this +certainly was the happiest. + +Some time after, Miss Bellenden, not being terrified by this example, +had the prudence to quit the court before she was obliged so to do: the +disagreeable Bardou followed her soon after; but for different reasons. +Every person was at last completely tired of her saraband, as well as of +her face; and the king, that he might see neither of them any more, gave +each a small pension for her subsistence. There now only remained little +Mademoiselle de la Garde to be provided for neither her virtues nor +her vices were sufficiently conspicuous to occasion her being either +dismissed from court, or pressed to remain there: God knows what would +have become of her, if a Mr. Silvius, a man who had nothing of a Roman +in him except the name, had not taken the poor girl to be his wife. We +have now shown how all these damsels deserved to be expelled, either for +their irregularities, or for their ugliness; and yet, those who replaced +them found means to make them regretted, Miss Wells only excepted. + +She was a tall girl, exquisitely shaped: she dressed very genteel, +walked like a goddess; and yet, her face, though made like those that +generally please the most, was unfortunately one of those that pleased +the least: nature had spread over it a certain careless indolence that +made her look sheepish. This gave but a bad opinion of her wit: and +her wit had the ill-luck to make good that opinion: however, as she +was fresh coloured, and appeared inexperienced, the king, whom the fair +Stewart did not render over nice as to the perfections of the mind, +resolved to try whether the senses would not fare better with Miss +Wells’s person than fine sentiments with her understanding: nor was this +experiment attended with much difficulty: she was of a loyal family; and +her father having faithfully served Charles the First, she thought it +her duty not to revolt against Charles the Second. But this connection +was not attended with very advantageous circumstances for herself; +some pretended that she did not hold out long enough, and that she +surrendered at discretion before she was vigorously attacked; and others +said, that his majesty complained of certain other facilities still +less pleasing. The Duke of Buckingham made a couplet upon this occasion, +wherein the king, speaking to Progers, the confidant of his intrigues, +puns upon the name of the fair one, to the following purport: + + When the king felt the horrible depth of this Well, + “Tell me, Progers,” cried Charlie, “where am I? oh tell! + Had I sought the world’s centre to find, I had found it, + But this Well! ne’er a plummet was made that could sound it.” + + [Edward Progers, Esq., was a younger son of Philip Progers, Esq., of + the family of Garreddin, in Monmouthshire. His father was a colonel + in the army, and equerry to James I. Edward was early introduced to + court, and, after having been page to Charles I., was made groom of + the bed-chamber to his son, while Prince of Wales. He attached + himself to the king’s interest during the war with the parliament, + with laudable fidelity. The following letter, from which + antiquaries may derive the minute information that Charles II. did + wear mourning for a whole year for his father, serves to shew the + familiar style which Charles used to Progers, as well as his + straitened circumstances while in the island of Jersey. + + “Progers, I wold have you (besides the embroidred sute) bring me a + plaine riding suite, with an innocent coate, the suites I haue for + horsebacke being so spotted and spoiled that they are not to be + seene out of this island. The lining of the coate, and the petit + toies are referred to your greate discretion, provided there want + nothing when it comes to be put on. I doe not remember there was a + belt, or a hat-band, in your directions for the embroidred suite, + and those are so necessarie as you must not forget them. + + “Jearsey, 14th Jan. old stile, 1649. + CHARLES R.”] + +Miss Wells, notwithstanding this species of anagram upon her name, +and these remarks upon her person, shone the brightest among her new +companions. These were Miss Levingston, Miss Fielding, and Miss Boynton, +who little deserve to be mentioned in these memoirs; therefore we shall +leave them in obscurity until it please fortune to draw them out of it. + +This was the new establishment of maids of honour to the queen. The +Duchess of York, nearly about the same time, likewise recruited hers; +but showed, by a happier and more brilliant choice, that England +possessed an inexhaustible stock of beauties. But before we begin to +speak of them, let us see who were the first maids of honour to her +royal highness, and on what account they were removed. + +Besides Miss Blague and Miss Price, whom we have before mentioned, the +establishment was composed of Miss Bagot and Miss Hobart, the president +of the community. Miss Blague, who never knew the true reason of her +quarrel with the Marquis de Brisacier, took it up upon that fatal letter +she had received from him, wherein, without acquainting her that Miss +Price was to wear the same sort of gloves and yellow riband as herself, +he had only complimented her upon her hair, her fair complexion, and +her eyes marcassins. This word she imagined must signify something +particularly wonderful, since her eyes were compared to it; and +being desirous, some time afterwards, to know all the energy of the +expression, she asked the meaning of the French word marcassin. As there +are no wild boars in England, those to whom she addressed herself, told +her that it signified a young pig. This scandalous simile confirmed her +in the belief she entertained of his perfidy. Brisacier, more amazed at +her change, than she was offended at his supposed calumny, looked upon +her as a woman still more capricious than insignificant, and never +troubled himself more about her; but Sir Yarborough, of as fair a +complexion as herself, made her an offer of marriage in the height of +her resentment, and was accepted: chance made up this match, I suppose, +as an experiment to try what such a white-haired union would produce. + +Miss Price was witty; and as her person was not very likely to attract +many admirers, which, however, she was resolved to have, she was far +from being coy when an occasion offered: she did not so much as make +any terms: she was violent in her resentments, as well as in her +attachments, which had exposed her to some inconveniences; and she +had very indiscreetly quarrelled with a young girl whom Lord Rochester +admired. This connection, which till then had been a secret, she had the +imprudence to publish to the whole world, and thereby drew upon herself +the most dangerous enemy in the universe: never did any man write with +more ease, humour, spirit, and delicacy; but he was at the same time the +most severe satirist. + +Poor Miss Price, who had thus voluntarily provoked his resentment, was +daily exposed in some new shape: there was every day some new song or +other, the subject of which was her conduct, and the burden her name. +How was it possible for her to bear up against these attacks, in a +court, where every person was eager to obtain the most insignificant +trifle that came from the pen of Lord Rochester? The loss of her lover, +and the discovery that attended it, was only wanting to complete the +persecution that was raised against her. + +About this time died Dongan, a gentleman of merit, who was succeeded by +Durfort, afterwards Earl of Feversham, in the post of lieutenant of +the duke’s life guards. Miss Price having tenderly loved him, his death +plunged her into a gulf of despair; but the inventory of his effects had +almost deprived her of her senses: there was in it a certain little +box sealed up on all sides: it was addressed in the deceased’s own +handwriting to Miss Price; but instead of receiving it, she had not +even the courage to look upon it. The governess thought it became her in +prudence to receive it, on Miss Price’s refusal, and her duty to deliver +it to the duchess herself, supposing it was filled with many curious and +precious commodities, of which perhaps she might make some advantage. +Though the duchess was not altogether of the same opinion, she had the +curiosity to see what was contained in a box sealed up in a manner +so particularly careful, and therefore caused it to be opened in the +presence of some ladies, who happened then to be in her closet. + +All kinds of love trinkets were found in it; and all these favours, it +appeared, came from the tender-hearted Miss Price. It was difficult +to comprehend how a single person could have furnished so great a +collection; for, besides counting the pictures, there was hair of all +descriptions, wrought into bracelets, lockets, and into a thousand other +different devices, wonderful to see. After these were three or four +packets of letters, of so tender a nature, and so full of raptures and +languors so naturally expressed, that the duchess could not endure the +reading of any more than the two first. + +Her royal highness was sorry that she had caused the box to be opened in +such good company; for being before such witnesses, she rightly judged +it was impossible to stifle this adventure; and, at the same time, there +being no possibility of retaining any longer such a maid of honour, Miss +Price had her valuables restored to her, with orders to go and finish +her lamentations, or to console herself for the loss of her lover, in +some other place. + +Miss Hobart’s character was at that time as uncommon in England, as her +person was singular, in a country where, to be young, and not to be in +some degree handsome, is a reproach; she had a good shape, rather a bold +air, and a great deal of wit, which was well cultivated, without having +much discretion. She was likewise possessed of a great deal of vivacity, +with an irregular fancy: there was a great deal of fire in her eyes, +which, however, produced no effect upon the beholders and she had a +tender heart, whose sensibility some pretended was alone in favour of +the fair sex. + +Miss Bagot was the first that gained her tenderness and affection, which +she returned at first with equal warmth and sincerity; but perceiving +that all her friendship was insufficient to repay that of Miss Hobart, +she yielded the conquest to the governess’s niece, who thought herself +as much honoured by it as her aunt thought herself obliged by the care +she took of the young girl. + +It was not long before the report, whether true or false, of this +singularity, spread through the whole court, where people, being yet so +uncivilized as never to have heard of that kind of refinement in love +of ancient Greece, imagined that the illustrious Hobart, who seemed so +particularly attached to the fair sex, was in reality something more +than she appeared to be. + +Satirical ballads soon began to compliment her upon these new +attributes; and upon the insinuations that were therein made, her +companions began to fear her. The governess, alarmed at these reports, +consulted Lord Rochester upon the danger to which her niece was exposed. +She could not have applied to a fitter person: he immediately advised +her to take her niece out of the hands of Miss Hobart; and contrived +matters so well that she fell into his own. The duchess, who had too +much generosity not to treat as visionary what was imputed to Miss +Hobart, and too much justice to condemn her upon the faith of lampoons, +removed her from the society of the maids of honour, to be an attendant +upon her own person. + +Miss Bagot was the only one who was really possessed of virtue and +beauty among these maids of honour: she had beautiful and regular +features, and that sort of brown complexion, which, when in perfection, +is so particularly fascinating, and more especially in England, where it +is uncommon. There was an involuntary blush almost continually upon her +cheek, without having anything to blush for. Lord Falmouth cast his eyes +upon her: his addresses were better received than those of Miss Hobart, +and some time after Cupid raised her from the post of maid of honour +to the duchess to a rank which might have been envied by all the young +ladies in England. + +The Duchess of York, in order to form her new court, resolved to see all +the young persons that offered themselves, and, without any regard to +recommendations, to choose none but the handsomest. + +At the head of this new assembly appeared Miss Jennings and Miss Temple; +and indeed they so entirely eclipsed the other two, that we shall speak +of them only. + +Miss Jennings, adorned with all the blooming treasures of youth, had the +fairest and brightest complexion that ever was seen: her hair was of +a most beauteous flaxen: there was something particularly lively and +animated in her countenance, which preserved her from that insipidity +which is frequently an attendant on a complexion so extremely fair. +Her mouth was not the smallest, but it was the handsomest mouth in the +world. Nature had endowed her with all those charms which cannot be +expressed, and the graces had given the finishing stroke to them. The +turn of her face was exquisitely fine, and her swelling neck was as +fair and as bright as her face. In a word, her person gave the idea of +Aurora, or the goddess of the spring, “such as youthful poets fancy when +they love.” But as it would have been unjust that a single person should +have engrossed all the treasures of beauty without any defect, there +was something wanting in her hands and arms to render them worthy of the +rest: her nose was not the most elegant, and her eyes gave some relief, +whilst her mouth and her other charms pierced the heart with a thousand +darts. + +With this amiable person she was full of wit and sprightliness, and all +her actions and motions were unaffected and easy: her conversation was +bewitching, when she had a mind to please; piercing and delicate when +disposed to raillery; but as her imagination was subject to flights, +and as she began to speak frequently before she had done thinking, her +expressions did not always convey what she wished; sometimes exceeding, +and at others falling short of her ideas. + +Miss Temple, nearly of the same age, was brown compared with the other: +she had a good shape, fine teeth, languishing, eyes, a fresh complexion, +an agreeable smile, and a lively air. Such was the outward form; but it +would be difficult to describe the rest; for she was simple and vain, +credulous and suspicious, coquettish and prudent, very self-sufficient +and very silly. + +As soon as these new stars appeared at the duchess’s court, all eyes +were fixed upon them, and every one formed some design upon one or other +of them, some with honourable, and others with dishonest intentions. +Miss Jennings soon distinguished herself, and left her companions no +other admirers but such as remained constant from hopes of success: her +brilliant charms attracted at first sight, and the charms of her wit +secured her conquests. + +The Duke of York having persuaded himself that she was part of his +property, resolved to pursue his claim by the same title whereby his +brother had appropriated to himself the favours of Miss Wells; but he +did not find her inclined to enter into his service, though she had +engaged in that of the duchess. She would not pay any attention to the +perpetual ogling with which he at first attacked her. Her eyes were +always wandering on other objects, when those of his royal highness were +looking for them; and if by chance he caught any casual glance, she did +not even blush. This made him resolve to change his manner of attack: +ogling having proved ineffectual, he took an opportunity to speak to +her; and this was still worse. I know not in what strain he told +his case; but it is certain the oratory of the tongue was not more +prevailing than the eloquence of his eyes. + +Miss Jennings had both virtue and pride, and the proposals of the duke +were consistent with neither the one nor the other. Although from +her great vivacity one might suppose that she was not capable of much +reflection, yet she had furnished herself with some very salutary maxims +for the conduct of a young person of her age. The first was, that a +lady ought to be young to enter the court with advantage, and not old +to leave it with a good grace: that she could not maintain herself there +but by a glorious resistance, or by illustrious foibles and that, in +so dangerous a situation, she ought to use her utmost endeavours not to +dispose of her heart until she gave her hand. + +Entertaining such sentiments, she had far less trouble to resist the +duke’s temptations, than to disengage herself from his perseverance: she +was deaf to all treaties for a settlement, with which her ambition was +sounded: and all offers of presents succeeded still worse. What was then +to be done to conquer an extravagant virtue that would not hearken to +reason? He was ashamed to suffer a giddy young girl to escape, whose +inclinations ought in some manner to correspond with the vivacity that +shone forth in all her actions, and who nevertheless thought proper to +be serious when no such thing as seriousness was required of her. + +After he had attentively considered her obstinate behaviour, he thought +that writing might perhaps succeed, though ogling, speeches, and +embassies had failed. Paper receives everything, but it unfortunately +happened that she would not receive the paper. Every day billets, +containing the tenderest expressions, and most magnificent promises, +were slipped into her pockets, or into her muff: this, however, could +not be done unperceived; and the malicious little gipsy took care that +those who saw them slip in, should likewise see them fall out, unperused +and unopened; she only shook her muff, or pulled out her handkerchief; +as soon as ever his back was turned, his billets fell about her like +hail-stones, and whoever pleased might take them up. The duchess was +frequently a witness of this conduct, but could not find in her heart +to chide her for her want of respect to the duke. After this, the charms +and prudence of Miss Jennings were the only subjects of conversation in +the two courts: the courtiers could not comprehend how a young creature, +brought directly from the country to court, should so soon become its +ornament by her attractions, and its example by her conduct. + +The king was of opinion that those who had attacked her had +ill-concerted their measures; for he thought it unnatural that she +should neither be tempted by promises, nor gained by importunity: she, +especially, who in all probability had not imbibed such severe precepts +from the prudence of her mother, who had never tasted any thing more +delicious than the plums and apricots of Saint Albans. Being resolved to +try her himself, he was particularly pleased with the great novelty that +appeared in the turn of her wit, and in the charms of her person; +and curiosity, which at first induced him to make the trial, was soon +changed into a desire of succeeding in the experiment. God knows what +might have been the consequence, for he greatly excelled in wit, and +besides he was king: two qualities of no small consideration. The +resolutions of the fair Jennings were commendable, and very judicious; +but yet she was wonderfully pleased with wit; and royal majesty +prostrate at the feet of a young person, is very persuasive. Miss +Stewart, however, would not consent to the king’s project. + +She immediately took the alarm, and desired his majesty to leave to the +duke, his brother, the care of tutoring the duchess’s maids of honour, +and only to attend to the management of his own flock, unless his +majesty would in return allow her to listen to certain proposals of a +settlement which she did not think disadvantageous. This menace being +of a serious nature, the king obeyed; and Miss Jennings had all the +additional honour which arose from this adventure: it both added to her +reputation, and increased the number of her admirers. Thus she continued +to triumph over the liberties of others without ever losing her own: her +hour was not yet come, but it was not far distant; the particulars +of which we shall relate as soon as we have given some account of the +conduct of her companion. + +Though Miss Temple’s person was particularly engaging, it was +nevertheless eclipsed by that of Miss Jennings; but she was still more +excelled by the other’s superior mental accomplishments. Two persons, +very capable to impart understanding, had the gift been communicable, +undertook at the same time to rob her of the little she really +possessed: these were Lord Rochester and Miss Hobart: the first began to +mislead her by reading to her all his compositions, as if she alone had +been a proper judge of them. He never thought proper to flatter her upon +her personal accomplishments; but told her that if heaven had made +him susceptible of the impressions of beauty, it would not have been +possible for him to have escaped her chains; but not being, thank God, +affected with anything but wit, he had the happiness of enjoying the +most agreeable conversation in the world without running any risk. After +so sincere a confession he either presented to her a copy of verses, or +a new song, in which whoever dared to come in competition in any respect +with Miss Temple was laid prostrate before her charms, most humbly to +solicit pardon: such flattering insinuations so completely turned her +head that it was a pity to see her. + +The duchess took notice of it, and well knowing the extent of both their +geniuses, she saw the precipice into which the poor girl was running +headlong without perceiving it; but as it is no less dangerous to forbid +a connection that is not yet thought of, than it is difficult to put an +end to one that is already well established, Miss Hobart was charged to +take care, with all possible discretion, that these frequent and long +conversations might not be attended with any dangerous consequences: +with pleasure she accepted the commission, and greatly flattered herself +with success. + +She had already made all necessary advances to gain possession of her +confidence and friendship; and Miss Temple, less suspicious of her +than of Lord Rochester, made all imaginable returns. She was greedy of +praise, and loved all manner of sweetmeats, as much as a child of nine +or ten years old: her taste was gratified in both these respects. Miss +Hobart having the superintendence of the duchess’s baths, her apartment +joined them, in which there was a closet stored with all sorts of +sweetmeats and liqueurs: the closet suited Miss Temple’s taste, as +exactly as it gratified Miss Hobart’s inclination, to have something +that could allure her. + +Summer, being now returned, brought back with it the pleasures and +diversions that are its inseparable attendants. One day, when the ladies +had been taking the air on horseback, Miss Temple, on her return from +riding, alighted at Miss Hobart’s, in order to recover her fatigue at +the expense of the sweetmeats, which she knew were there at her service; +but before she began she desired Miss Hobart’s permission to undress +herself, and change her linen in her apartment; which request was +immediately complied with: “I was just going to propose it to you,” + said Miss Hobart, “not but that you are as charming as an angel in your +riding habit; but there is nothing so comfortable as a loose dress, and +being at one’s ease: you cannot imagine, my dear Temple,” continued +she, embracing her, “how much you oblige me by thus free unceremonious +conduct; but, above all, I am enchanted with your particular attention +to cleanliness: how greatly you differ in this, as in many other things, +from that silly creature Jennings! Have you remarked how all our court +fops admire her for her brilliant complexion, which perhaps, after all, +is not wholly her own; and for blunders, which are truly original, and +which they are such fools as to mistake for wit: I have not conversed +with her long enough to perceive in what her wit consists; but of this +I am certain, that if it is not better than her feet, it is no great +matter. What stories have I heard of her sluttishness! No cat ever +dreaded water so much as she does: fie upon her! Never to wash for her +own comfort, and only to attend to those parts which must necessarily be +seen, such as the neck and hands.” + +Miss Temple swallowed all this with even greater pleasure than the +sweetmeats; and the officious Hobart, not to lose time, was helping her +off with her clothes, while the chambermaid was coming. She made some +objections to this at first, being unwilling to occasion that trouble +to a person, who, like Miss Hobart, had been advanced to a place of +dignity; but she was overruled by her, and assured that it was with +the greatest pleasure she showed her that small mark of civility. The +collation being finished, and Miss Temple undressed: “Let us retire,” + said Miss Hobart, “to the bathing closet, where we may enjoy a little +conversation secure from any impertinent visit.” Miss Temple consented, +and both of them sitting down on a couch: “You are too young, my dear +Temple,” said she, “to know the baseness of men in general, and too +short a time acquainted with the court to know the character of its +inhabitants. I will give you a short sketch of the principal persons, to +the best of my knowledge, without injury to any one; for I abominate the +trade of scandal. + +“In the first place, then, you ought to set it down as an undoubted +fact that all courtiers are deficient either in honesty, good sense, +judgment, wit, or sincerity; that is to say, if any of them by chance +possess some one of these qualities, you may depend upon it he is +defective in the rest: sumptuous in their equipages, deep play, a great +opinion of their own merit, and contempt of that of others, are their +chief characteristics. + +“Interest or pleasure are the motives of all their actions: those who +are led by the first would sell God Almighty, as Judas sold his Master, +and that for less money. I could relate you a thousand noble instances +of this, if I had time. As for the sectaries of pleasure, or those who +pretend to be such, for they are not all so bad as they endeavour to +make themselves appear, these gentlemen pay no manner of regard either +to promises, oaths, law, or religion; that is to say, they are literally +no respecters of persons; they care neither for God nor man, if they can +but gain their ends. They look upon maids of honour only as amusements, +placed expressly at court for their entertainment; and the more merit +any one has, the more she is exposed to their impertinence, if she gives +any ear to them; and to their malicious calumnies, when she ceases to +attend to them. As for husbands, this is not the place to find them; for +unless money or caprice make up the match, there is but little hopes +of being married: virtue and beauty in this respect here are equally +useless. Lady Falmouth is the only instance of a maid of honour well +married without a portion; and if you were to ask her poor weak husband +for what reason he married her, I am persuaded that he can assign none, +unless it be her great red ears and broad feet. As for the pale Lady +Yarborough, who appeared so proud of her match, she is wife, to be sure, +of a great country bumpkin, who, the very week after their marriage, bid +her take her farewell of the town for ever, in consequence of five or +six thousand pounds a year he enjoys on the borders of Cornwall. Alas! +poor Miss Blague! I saw her go away about this time twelvemonth, in a +coach with four such lean horses, that I cannot believe she is yet half +way to her miserable little castle. What can be the matter! all the +girls seem afflicted with the rage of wedlock, and however small +their portion of charms may be, they think it only necessary to show +themselves at court in order to pick and choose their men: but was this +in reality the case, the being a wife is the most wretched condition +imaginable for a person of nice sentiments. Believe me, my dear Temple, +the pleasures of matrimony are so inconsiderable in comparison with its +inconveniences, that I cannot imagine how any reasonable creature can +resolve upon it: rather fly, therefore, from this irksome engagement +than court it. Jealousy, formerly a stranger to these happy isles, is +now coming into fashion, with many recent examples of which you are +acquainted. However brilliant the phantom may appear, suffer not +yourself to be caught by its splendour, and never be so weak as to +transform your slave into your tyrant: as long as you preserve your own +liberty, you will be mistress of that of others. I will relate to you a +very recent proof of the perfidy of man to our sex, and of the impunity +they experience in all attempts upon our innocence. The Earl of Oxford +fell in love with a handsome, graceful actress belonging to the duke’s +theatre, who performed to perfection, particularly the part of Roxana, +in a very fashionable new play, insomuch that she ever after retained +that name: this creature being both very virtuous and very modest, or, +if you please, wonderfully obstinate, proudly rejected the addresses and +presents of the Earl of Oxford. This resistance inflamed his passion: +he had recourse to invectives, and even to spells; but all in vain. This +disappointment had such effect upon him that he could neither eat nor +drink; this did not signify to him; but his passion at length became so +violent, that he could neither play nor smoke. In this extremity love +had recourse to Hymen; the Earl of Oxford, one of the first peers of +the realm, is, you know, a very handsome man: he is of the order of the +garter, which greatly adds to an air naturally noble. In short, from his +outward appearance, you would suppose he was really possessed of +some sense; but as soon as ever you hear him speak, you are perfectly +convinced of the contrary. This passionate lover presented her with a +promise of marriage, in due form, signed with his own hand: she would +not, however, rely upon this, but the next day she thought there could +be no danger, when the earl himself came to her lodgings attended by a +clergyman, and another man for a witness: the marriage was accordingly +solemnized with all due ceremonies, in the presence of one of her +fellow players, who attended as a witness on her part. You will suppose, +perhaps, that the new countess had nothing to do but to appear at court +according to her rank, and to display the earl’s arms upon her carriage. +This was far from being the case. When examination was made concerning +the marriage, it was found to be a mere deception: it appeared that the +pretended priest was one of my lord’s trumpeters, and the witness his +kettle drummer. The parson and his companion never appeared after the +ceremony was over; and as for the other witness, they endeavoured to +persuade her that the Sultana Roxana might have supposed, in some +part or other of a play, that she was really married. It was all to no +purpose, that the poor creature claimed the protection of the laws of +God and man, both which were violated and abused, as well as herself, +by this infamous imposition: in vain did she throw herself at the King’s +feet to demand justice: she had only to rise up again without redress; +and happy might she think herself to receive an annuity of one thousand +crowns, and to resume the name of Roxana, instead of Countess of Oxford. +You will say, perhaps, that she was only a player; that all men have +not the same sentiments as the earl; and, that one may at least believe +them, when they do but render justice to such merit as yours. But still +do not believe them, though I know you are liable to it, as you have +admirers; for all are not infatuated with Miss Jennings: the handsome +Sydney ogles you; Lord Rochester is delighted with your conversation; +and the most serious Sir Lyttleton forsakes his natural gravity in +favour of your charms. As for the first, I confess his figure is very +likely to engage the inclinations of a young person like yourself; but +were his outward form attended with other accomplishments, which I know +it is not, and that his sentiments in your favour were as real as he +endeavours to persuade you they are, and as you deserve, yet I would not +advise you to form any connections with him, for reasons which I cannot +tell you at present. + +“Sir Lyttleton is undoubtedly in earnest, since he appears ashamed of +the condition to which you have reduced him; and I really believe if he +could get the better of those vulgar chimerical apprehensions, of being +what is vulgarly called a cuckold, the good man would marry you, and you +would be his representative in his little government, where you might +merrily pass your days in casting up the weekly bills of housekeeping, +and in darning old napkins. What a glory would it be to have a Cato for +a husband, whose speeches are as many lectures, and whose lectures are +composed of nothing but ill-nature and censure! + +“Lord Rochester is, without contradiction, the most witty man in all +England; but then he is likewise the most unprincipled, and devoid even +of the least tincture of honour; he is dangerous to our sex alone; and +that to such a degree that there is not a woman who gives ear to him +three times, but she irretrievably loses her reputation. No woman can +escape him, for he has her in his writings, though his other attacks be +ineffectual; and in the age we live in, the one is as bad as the other +in the eye of the public. In the mean time nothing is more dangerous +than the artful insinuating manner with which he gains possession of +the mind: he applauds your taste, submits to your sentiments, and at the +very instant that he himself does not believe a single word of what he +is saying, he makes you believe it all. I dare lay a wager, that from +the conversation you have had with him, you thought him one of the most +honourable and sincerest men living; for my part I cannot imagine what +he means by the assiduity he pays you not but your accomplishments are +sufficient to excite the adoration and praise of the whole world; but +had he even been so fortunate as to have gained your affections, he +would not know what to do with the loveliest creature at court: for it +is a long time since his debauches have brought him to order, with the +assistance of the favours of all the common street-walkers. See then, my +dear Temple, what horrid malice possesses him, to the ruin and confusion +of innocence! A wretch! to have no other design in his addresses and +assiduities to Miss Temple, but to give a greater air of probability +to the calumnies with which he has loaded her. You look upon me with +astonishment, and seem to doubt the truth of what I advance; but I do +not desire you to believe me without evidence: ‘Here,’ said she, drawing +a paper out of her pocket, ‘see what a copy of verses he has made +in your praise, while he lulls your credulity to rest, by flattering +speeches and feigned respect.’” + +After saying this, the perfidious Hobart showed her half-a-dozen +couplets full of strained invective and scandal, which Rochester had +made against the former maids of honour. This severe and cutting lampoon +was principally levelled against Miss Price, whose person he took to +pieces in the most frightful and hideous manner imaginable. Miss Hobart +had substituted the name of Temple instead of Price, which she made +to agree both with the measure and tune of the song. This effectually +answered Hobart’s intentions: the credulous Temple no sooner heard her +sing the lampoon, but she firmly believed it to be made upon herself; +and in the first transports of her rage, having nothing so much at heart +as to give the lie to the fictions of the poet: “Ah! as for this, my +dear Hobart,” said she, “I can bear it no longer: I do not pretend to be +so handsome as some others; but as for the defects that villain charges +me with, I dare say, my dear Hobart, there is no woman more free from +them: we are alone, and I am almost inclined to convince you by ocular +demonstration.” Miss Hobart was too complaisant to oppose this motion; +but, although she soothed her mind by extolling all her beauties, in +opposition to Lord Rochester’s song, Miss Temple was almost driven +to distraction by rage and astonishment, that the first man she ever +attended to should, in his conversation with her, not even make use of a +single word of truth, but that he should likewise have the unparalleled +cruelty falsely to accuse her of defects; and not being able to find +words capable of expressing her anger and resentment, she began to weep +like a child. + +Miss Hobart used all her endeavours to comfort her, and chid her for +being so much hurt with the invectives of a person whose scandalous +impostures were too well known to make any impression: she however +advised her never to speak to him any more, for that was the only method +to disappoint his designs; that contempt and silence were, on such +occasions, much preferable to any explanation, and that if he could once +obtain a hearing, he would be justified, but she would be ruined. + +Miss Hobart was not wrong in giving her this counsel: she knew that an +explanation would betray her, and that there would be no quarter for +her if Lord Rochester had so fair an opportunity of renewing his former +panegyrics upon her; but her precaution was in vain: this conversation +had been heard from one end to the other, by the governess’s niece, who +was blessed with a most faithful memory; and having that very day an +appointment with Lord Rochester, she conned it over three or four times, +that she might not forget one single word, when she should have the +honour of relating it to her lover. We shall show in the next chapter, +what were the consequences resulting from it. + + + + +CHAPTER TENTH. OTHER LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT + + +The conversation before related was agreeable only to Miss Hobart; for +if Miss Temple was entertained with its commencement, she was so much +the more irritated by its conclusion this indignation was succeeded by +the curiosity of knowing the reason why, if Sidney had a real esteem for +her, she should not be allowed to pay some attention to him. + +As soon as they retired from the closet, Miss Sarah came out of the +bath, where during all this conversation, she had been almost perished +with cold, without daring to complain. This little gipsy had, it seems, +obtained leave of Miss Hobart’s woman to bathe herself unknown to her +mistress; and having, I know not how, found means to fill one of the +baths with cold water, Miss Sarah had just got into it, when they +were both alarmed with the arrival of the other two. A glass partition +enclosed the room where the baths were, and Indian silk curtains, which +drew on the inside, screened those that were bathing. Miss Hobart’s +chamber-maid had only just time to draw these curtains, that the girl +might not be seen to lock the partition door, and to take away the key, +before her mistress and Miss Temple came in. + +These two sat down on a couch placed along the partition, and Miss +Sarah, notwithstanding her alarms, had distinctly heard, and perfectly +retained the whole conversation. As the little girl was at all this +trouble to make herself clean, only on Lord Rochester’s account, as +soon as ever she could make her escape she regained her garret; where +Rochester, having repaired thither at the appointed hour, was fully +informed of all that had passed in the bathing room. He was astonished +at the audacious temerity of Hobart, in daring to put such a trick upon +him; but, though he rightly judged that love and jealousy were the real +motives, he would not excuse her. Little Sarah desired to know whether +he had a real affection for Miss Temple, as Miss Hobart said she +supposed that was the case. “Can you doubt it,” replied he, “since that +oracle of sincerity has affirmed it? But then you know that I am not now +capable of profiting by my perfidy, were I even to gain Miss Temple’s +compliance, since my debauches and the street-walkers have brought me to +order.” + +This answer made Miss Sarah very easy, for she concluded that the first +article was not true, since she knew from experience that the latter +was false. Lord Rochester was resolved that very evening to attend the +duchess’s court, to see what reception he would meet with after the fine +portrait Miss Hobart had been so kind as to draw of him. Miss Temple did +not fail to be there likewise, with the intention of looking on him with +the most contemptuous disdain possible, though she had taken care to +dress herself as well as she could. As she supposed that the lampoon +Miss Hobart had sung to her was in everybody’s possession, she was under +great embarrassment lest all those whom she met should think her such +a monster as Lord Rochester had described her. In the mean time, Miss +Hobart, who had not much confidence in her promises never more to speak +to him, narrowly watched her. Miss Temple never in her life appeared so +handsome every person complimented her upon it; but she received all +the civilities with such an air, that every one thought she was mad; for +when they commended her shape, her fresh complexion, and the brilliancy +of her eyes: “Pshaw,” said she, “it is very well known that I am but a +monster, and formed in no respect like other women: all is not gold +that glisters; and though I may receive some compliments in public, it +signifies nothing.” All Miss Hobart’s endeavours to stop her tongue were +ineffectual; and continuing to rail at herself ironically, the whole +court was puzzled to comprehend her meaning. + +When Lord Rochester came in, she first blushed, then turned pale, made +a motion to go towards him, drew back again, pulled her gloves one +after the other up to the elbow; and after having three times violently +flirted her fan, she waited until he paid his compliments to her as +usual, and as soon as he began to bow, the fair one immediately turned +her back upon him. Rochester only smiled, and being resolved that her +resentment should be still more remarked, he turned round and posting +himself face to face: “Madam,” said he, “nothing can be so glorious as +to look so charming as you do, after such a fatiguing day: to support +a ride of three long hours, and Miss Hobart afterwards, without being +tired, shows indeed a very strong constitution.” + +Miss Temple had naturally a tender look, but she was transported with +such a violent passion at his having the audacity to speak to her, that +her eyes appeared like two fireballs when she turned them upon him. +Hobart pinched her arm, as she perceived that this look was likely to be +followed by a torrent of reproaches and invectives. + +Lord Rochester did not wait for them, and delaying until another +opportunity the acknowledgments he owed Miss Hobart, he quietly retired. +The latter, who could not imagine that he knew anything of their +conversation at the bath, was, however, much alarmed at what he had +said; but Miss Temple, almost choked with the reproaches with which she +thought herself able to confound him and which she had not time to give +vent to, vowed to ease her mind of them upon the first opportunity, +notwithstanding the promise she had made; but never more to speak to him +afterwards. + +Lord Rochester had a faithful spy near these nymphs: this was Miss +Sarah, who, by his advice, and with her aunt’s consent, was reconciled +with Miss Hobart, the more effectually to betray her: he was informed by +this spy, that Miss Hobart’s maid, being suspected of having listened +to them in the closet, had been turned away; that she had taken another, +whom in all probability, she would not keep long, because, in the first +place, she was ugly, and, in the second, she eat the sweetmeats that +were prepared for Miss Temple. Although this intelligence was not +very material, Sarah was nevertheless praised for her punctuality +and attention; and a few days afterwards she brought him news of real +importance. + +Rochester was by her informed, that Miss Hobart and her new favourite +designed, about nine o’clock in the evening to walk in the Mall, in +the Park; that they were to change clothes with each other, to put on +scarfs, and wear black-masks: she added, that Miss Hobart had strongly +opposed this project, but that she was obliged to give way at last, Miss +Temple having resolved to indulge her fancy. + +Upon the strength of this intelligence, Rochester concerted his +measures: he went to Killegrew, complained to him of the trick which +Miss Hobart had played him, and desired his assistance in order to be +revenged: this was readily granted, and having acquainted him with the +measures he intended to pursue, and given him the part he was to act in +this adventure, they went to the Mall. + +Presently after appeared our two nymphs in masquerade: their shapes were +not very different, and their faces, which were very unlike each other, +were concealed with their masks. The company was but thin in the Park; +and as soon as Miss Temple perceived them at a distance, she quickened +her pace in order to join them, with the design, under her disguise, +severely to reprimand the perfidious Rochester; when Miss Hobart +stopping her: “Where are you running to?” said she; “have you a mind to +engage in conversation with these two devils, to be exposed to all +the insolence and impertinence for which they are so notorious?” These +remonstrances were entirely useless: Miss Temple was resolved to try the +experiment: and all that could be obtained from her, was, not to answer +any of the questions Rochester might ask her. + +They were accosted just as they had done speaking: Rochester fixed +upon Hobart, pretending to take her for the other; at which she was +overjoyed; but Miss Temple was extremely sorry she fell to Killegrew’s +share, with whom she had nothing to do: he perceived her uneasiness, +and, pretending to know her by her clothes: “Ah! Miss Hobart,” said he, +“be so kind as look this way if you please: I know not by what chance +you both came hither, but I am sure it is very apropos for you, since I +have something to say to you, as your friend and humble servant.” + +This beginning raising her curiosity, Miss Temple appeared more inclined +to attend him; and Killegrew perceiving that the other couple had +insensibly proceeded some distance from them: “In the name of God,” said +he: “what do you mean by railing so against Lord Rochester, whom +you know to be one of the most honourable men at court, and whom you +nevertheless described as the greatest villain, to the person whom of +all others he esteems and respects the most? What do you think would +become of you, if he knew that you made Miss Temple believe she is the +person alluded to in a certain song, which you know as well as myself +was made upon the clumsy Miss Price, above a year before the fair Temple +was heard of? Be not surprised that I know so much of the matter; but +pay a little attention, I pray you, to what I am now going to tell you +out of pure friendship: your passion and inclinations for Miss Temple +are known to every one but herself; for whatever methods you used to +impose upon her innocence, the world does her the justice to believe +that she would treat you as Lady Falmouth did, if the poor girl knew +the wicked designs you had upon her: I caution you, therefore, against +making any farther advances, to a person, too modest to listen to them: +I advise you likewise to take back your maid again, in order to silence +her scandalous tongue; for she says everywhere, that she is with child, +that you are the occasion of her being in that condition, and accuses +you of behaving towards her with the blackest ingratitude, upon trifling +suspicions only: you know very well, these are no stories of my own +invention; but that you may not entertain any manner of doubt, that I +had all this from her own mouth, she has told me your conversation in +the bathing-room, the characters you there drew of the principal men at +court, your artful malice in applying so improperly a scandalous song +to one of the loveliest women in all England; and in what manner the +innocent girl fell into the snare you had laid for her, in order to +do justice to her charms. But that which might be of the most fatal +consequences to you in that long conversation, is the revealing certain +secrets, which, in all probability, the duchess did not entrust you +with, to be imparted to the maids of honour: reflect upon this, and +neglect not to make some reparation to Sir Lyttleton, for the ridicule +with which you were pleased to load him. I know not whether he had his +information from your femme-de-chambre, but I am very certain that he +has sworn he will be revenged, and he is a man that keeps his word; +for after all, that you may not be deceived by his look, like that of a +Stoic, and his gravity, like that of a judge, I must acquaint you, that +he is the most passionate man living. Indeed, these invectives are of +the blackest and most horrible nature: he says it is most infamous, that +a wretch like yourself should find no other employment than to blacken +the characters of gentlemen, to gratify your jealousy; that if you +do not desist from such conduct for the future, he will immediately +complain of you; and that if her royal highness will not do him justice, +he is determined to do himself justice, and to run you through the body +with his own sword, though you were even in the arms of Miss Temple; and +that it is most scandalous that all the maids of honour should get into +your hands before they can look around them. + +“These things, madam, I thought it my duty to acquaint you with: you are +better able to judge than myself, whether what I have now advanced be +true, and I leave it to your own discretion to make what use you think +proper of my advice; but were I in your situation, I would endeavour to +reconcile Lord Rochester and Miss Temple. Once more I recommend to you +to take care that your endeavours to mislead her innocency, in order +to blast his honour, may not come to his knowledge; and do not estrange +from her a man who tenderly loves her, and whose probity is so great, +that he would not even suffer his eyes to wander towards her, if his +intention was not to make her his wife.” + +Miss Temple observed her promise most faithfully during this discourse: +she did not even utter a single syllable, being seized with such +astonishment and confusion, that she quite lost the use of her tongue. + +Miss Hobart and Lord Rochester came up to her, while she was still +in amazement at the wonderful discoveries she had made; things in +themselves, in her opinion, almost incredible, but to the truth of +which she could not refuse her assent, upon examining the evidences and +circumstances on which they were founded. Never was confusion equal to +that with which her whole frame was seized by the foregoing recital. + +Rochester and Killegrew took leave of them before she recovered from her +surprise; but as soon as she had regained the free use of her senses, +she hastened back to St. James, without answering a single question that +the other put to her; and having locked herself up in her chamber, the +fast thing she did, was immediately to strip off Miss Hobart’s clothes, +lest she should be contaminated by them; for after what she had been +told concerning her, she looked upon her as a monster, dreadful to the +innocence of the fair sex, of whatever sex she might be: she blushed at +the familiarities she had been drawn into with a creature, whose maid +was with child, though she never had been in any other service but hers: +she therefore returned her all her clothes, ordered her servant to bring +back all her own, and resolved never more to have any connection with +her. Miss Hobart, on the other hand, who supposed Killegrew had mistaken +Miss Temple for herself, could not comprehend what could induce her to +give herself such surprising airs, since that conversation; but being +desirous to come to an explanation, she ordered Miss Temple’s maid to +remain in her apartments, and went to call upon Miss Temple herself, +instead of sending back her clothes; and being desirous to give her some +proof of friendship before they entered upon expostulations, she slipt +softly into her chamber, when she was in the very act of changing her +linen, and embraced her. Miss Temple finding herself in her arms before +she had taken notice of her, everything that Killegrew had mentioned, +appeared to her imagination: she fancied that she saw in her looks +the eagerness of a satyr, or, if possible, of some monster still more +odious; and disengaging herself with the highest indignation from her +arms, she began to shriek and cry in the most terrible manner, calling +both heaven and earth to her assistance. + +The first whom her cries raised were the governess and her niece. It +was near twelve o’clock at night: Miss Temple in her shift, almost +frightened to death, was pushing back with horror Miss Hobart, who +approached her with no other intent than to know the occasion of those +transports. As soon as the governess saw this scene, she began to +lecture Miss Hobart with all the eloquence of a real duenna: she +demanded of her, whether she thought it was for her that her royal +highness kept the maids of honour? whether she was not ashamed to come +at such an unseasonable time of night into their very apartments to +commit such violences? and swore that she would, the very next day, +complain to the duchess. All this confirmed Miss Temple in her mistaken +notions: and Hobart was obliged to go away at last, without being able +to convince or bring to reason creatures, whom she believed to be either +distracted or mad. The next day Miss Sarah did not fail to relate this +adventure to her lover, telling him how Miss Temple’s cries had alarmed +the maids of honour’s apartment, and how herself and her aunt, running +to her assistance, had almost surprised Miss Hobart in the very act. + +Two days after, the whole adventure, with the addition of several +embellishments, was made public: the governess swore to the truth of +it, and related in every company what a narrow escape Miss Temple had +experienced, and that Miss Sarah, her niece, had preserved her honour, +because, by Lord Rochester’s excellent advice, she had forbidden her +all manner of connection with so dangerous a person. Miss Temple was +afterwards informed, that the song that had so greatly provoked her, +alluded to Miss Price only: this was confirmed to her by every person, +with additional execrations against Miss Hobart, for such a scandalous +imposition. Such great coldness after so much familiarity, made many +believe, that this adventure was not altogether a fiction. + +This had been sufficient to have disgraced Miss Hobart at court, and to +have totally ruined her reputation in London, had she not been, upon the +present, as well as upon a former occasion, supported by the duchess: +her royal highness pretended to treat the whole story as romantic +and visionary, or as solely arising from private pique: she chid Miss +Temple, for her impertinent credulity: turned away the governess and +her niece, for the lies with which she pretended they supported the +imposture; and did many improper things in order to re-establish Miss +Hobart’s honour, which, however, she failed in accomplishing. She had +her reasons for not entirely abandoning her, as will appear in the +sequel. + +Miss Temple, who continually reproached herself with injustice, with +respect to Lord Rochester, and who, upon the faith of Killegrew’s word, +thought him the most Honourable man in England, was only solicitous +to find out some opportunity of easing her mind, by making him some +reparation for the rigour with which she had treated him: these +favourable dispositions, in the hands of a man of his character, might +have led to consequences of which she was not aware; but heaven did not +allow him an opportunity of profiting by them. + +Ever since he had first appeared at court he seldom failed being +banished from it, at least once in the year; for whenever a word +presented itself to his pen, or to his tongue, he immediately committed +it to paper, or produced it in conversation, without any manner of +regard to the consequences the ministers, the mistresses, and even the +king himself, were frequently the subjects of his sarcasms; and had +not the prince, whom he thus treated, been possessed of one of the most +forgiving and gentle tempers, his first disgrace had certainly been his +last. + +Just at the time that Miss Temple was desirous of seeing him, in order +to apologize for the uneasiness which the infamous calumnies and black +aspersions of Miss Hobart had occasioned both of them, he was forbid the +court for the third time: he departed without having seen Miss Temple, +carried the disgraced governess down with him to his country seat, and +exerted all his endeavours to cultivate in her niece some dispositions +which she had for the stage; but though she did not make the same +improvement in this line, as she had by his other instructions, after +he had entertained both the niece and the aunt for some months in the +country, he got her entered in the king’s company of comedians the next +winter; and the public was obliged to him for the prettiest, but at the +same time, the worst actress in the kingdom. + + [Though no name is given to this lady, there are circumstances + enough mentioned to fix on the celebrated Mrs. Barry, as the person + intended by the author. Mrs. Barry was introduced to the stage by + Lord Rochester, with whom she had an intrigue, the fruit of which + was a daughter, who lived to the age of thirteen years, and is often + mentioned in his collection of love-letters, printed in his works, + which were written to Mrs. Barry. On her first theatrical attempts, + so little hopes were entertained of her, that she was, as Cibber + declares, discharged the company at the end of the first year, among + others that were thought to be a useless expense to it. She was + well born; being daughter of Robert Barry, Esq., barrister at law; a + gentleman of an ancient family and good estate, who hurt his fortune + by his attachment to Charles I.; for whom he raised a regiment at + his own expense. Tony Aston, in his Supplement to Cibber’s Apology, + says, she was woman to lady Shelton of Norfolk, who might have + belonged to the court. Curl, however, says, she was early taken + under the patronage of Lady Davenant. Both these accounts may be + true. The time of her appearance on the stage was probably not much + earlier that 1671; in which year she performed in Tom Essence, and + was, it may be conjectured, about the age of nineteen. Curl + mentions the great pains taken by Lord Rochester in instructing her; + which were repaid by the rapid progress she daily made in her + profession. She at last eclipsed all her competitors, and in the + part of Monimia established her reputation. From her performance in + this character, in that of Belvidera, and of Isabella, in the Fatal + Marriage, Downes says she acquired the name of the famous Mrs. + Barry, both at court and in the city. “Mrs. Barry,” says Dryden, in + his Preface to Cleomenes, “always excellent, has in this tragedy + excelled herself, and gained a reputation beyond any woman I have + ever seen on the theatre.” “In characters of greatness,” says + Cibber, “Mrs. Barry had a presence of elevated dignity; her mien + and motion superb, and gracefully majestic; her voice full, clear, + and strong; so that no violence of passion could be too much for + her; and when distress or tenderness possessed her, she subsided + into the most affecting melody and softness. In the art of exciting + pity, she had a power beyond all the actresses I have yet seen, or + what your imagination can conceive. In scenes of anger, defiance, + or resentment, while she was impetuous and terrible, she poured out + the sentiment with an enchanting harmony; and it was this particular + excellence for which Dryden made her the above-recited compliment, + upon her acting Cassandra in his Cleomenes. She was the first + person whose merit was distinguished by the indulgence of having an + annual benefit play, which was granted to her alone in King James’s + time, and which did not become common to others till the division of + this company, after the death of King William and Queen Mary.”] + +About this time Talbot returned from Ireland: he soon felt the absence +of Miss Hamilton, who was then in the country with a relation, whom +we shall mention hereafter. A remnant of his former tenderness still +subsisted in his heart, notwithstanding his absence, and the promises +he had given the Chevalier de Grammont at parting: he now therefore +endeavoured to banish her entirely from his thoughts, by fixing his +desires upon some other object; but he saw no one in the queen’s new +court whom he thought worthy of his attention: Miss Boynton, however, +thought him worthy of hers. Her, person was slender and delicate, to +which a good complexion and large motionless eyes gave at a distance an +appearance of beauty, that vanished upon nearer inspection: she affected +to lisp, to languish, and to have two or three fainting-fits a day. The +first time that Talbot cast his eyes upon her she was seized with one +of these fits: he was told that she swooned away upon his account: he +believed it, was eager to afford her assistance; and ever after that +accident showed her some kindness, more with the intention of saving +her life, than to express any affection he felt for her. This seeming +tenderness was well received, and at first she was visibly affected by +it. Talbot was one of the tallest men in England, and in all appearance +one of the most robust; yet she showed sufficiently that she was willing +to expose the delicacy of her constitution, to whatever might happen, +in order to become his wife; which event perhaps might then have taken +place, as it did afterwards, had not the charms of the fair Jennings at +that time, proved an obstacle to her wishes. + +I know not how it came to pass that he had not yet seen her; though he +had heard her much praised, and her prudence, wit, and vivacity equally +commended; he believed all this upon the faith of common report. He +thought it very singular that discretion and sprightliness should be so +intimately united in a person so young, more particularly in the midst +of a court where love and gallantry were so much in fashion; but he +found her personal accomplishments greatly to exceed whatever fame had +reported of them. + +As it was not long before he perceived he was in love, neither was +it long before he made a declaration of it: as his passion was likely +enough to be real, Miss Jennings thought she might believe him, without +exposing herself to the imputation of vanity. Talbot was possessed of +a fine and brilliant exterior, his manners were noble and majestic: +besides this, he was particularly distinguished by the favour and +friendship of the duke; but his most essential merit, with her, was his +forty thousand pounds a-year, landed property, besides his employments. +All these qualities came within the rules and maxims she had resolved to +follow with respect to lovers: thus, though he had not the satisfaction +to obtain from her an entire declaration of her sentiments, he had at +least the pleasure of being better received than those who had paid +their addresses to her before him. + +No person attempted to interrupt his happiness; and Miss Jennings, +perceiving that the duchess approved of Talbot’s pretensions; and after +having well weighed the matter, and consulted her own inclinations, +found that her reason was more favourable to him than her heart, and +that the most she could do for his satisfaction was to marry him without +reluctance. + +Talbot, too fortunate in a preference which no man had before +experienced, did not examine whether it was to her heart or to her head +that he was indebted for it, and his thoughts were solely occupied in +hastening the accomplishment of his wishes: one would have sworn that +the happy minute was at hand; but love would no longer be love, if he +did not delight in obstructing, or in overturning the happiness of those +who live under his dominion. + +Talbot, who found nothing reprehensible either in the person, in the +conversation, or in the reputation of Miss Jennings, was however rather +concerned at a now acquaintance she had lately formed; and having taken +upon him to give her some cautions upon this subject, she was much +displeased at his conduct. + +Miss Price, formerly maid of honour, that had been set aside, as we have +before mentioned, upon her leaving the duchess’s service, had recourse +to Lady Castlemaine’s protection: she had a very entertaining wit: +her complaisance was adapted to all humours, and her own humour was +possessed of a fund of gaiety and sprightliness which diffused universal +mirth and merriment wherever she came. Her acquaintance with Miss +Jennings was prior to Talbot’s. + +As she was thoroughly acquainted with all the intrigues of the court, +she related them without any manner of reserve to Miss Jennings, and her +own with the same frankness as the others: Miss Jennings was extremely +well pleased with her stories; for though she was determined to make no +experiment in love, but upon honourable terms, she however was desirous +of knowing from her recitals, all the different intrigues that were +carrying on: thus, as she was never wearied with her conversation, she +was overjoyed whenever she could see her. + +Talbot, who remarked the extreme relish she had for Miss Price’s +company, thought that the reputation such a woman had in the world might +prove injurious to his mistress, more especially from the particular +intimacy there seemed to exist between them: whereupon, in the tone of +a guardian rather than a lover, he took upon him to chide her for +the disreputable company she kept. Miss Jennings was haughty beyond +conception, when once she took it into her head; and as she liked Miss +Price’s conversation much better than Talbot’s, she took the liberty +of desiring him “to attend to his own affairs, and that if he only +came from Ireland to read lectures about her conduct, he might take the +trouble to go back as soon as he pleased.” He was offended at a sally +which he thought ill-timed, considering the situation of affairs between +them; and went out of her presence more abruptly than became the respect +due from a man greatly in love. He for some time appeared offended; +but perceiving that he gained nothing by such conduct, he grew weary of +acting that part, and assumed that of an humble lover, in which he +was equally unsuccessful; neither his repentance nor submissions could +produce any effect upon her, and the mutinous little gipsy was still in +her pouts when Jermyn returned to court. + +It was above a year since he had triumphed over the weakness of +Lady Castlemaine, and above two since the king had been weary of his +triumphs: his uncle, being vile of the first who perceived the king’s +disgust, obliged him to absent himself from court, at the very time that +orders were going to be issued for that purpose; for though the king’s +affections for Lady Castlemaine were now greatly diminished, yet he did +not think it consistent with his dignity that a mistress, whom he had +honoured with public distinction, and who still received a considerable +support from him, should appear chained to the car of the most +ridiculous conqueror that ever existed. His majesty had frequently +expostulated with the countess upon this subject: but his expostulations +were never attended to; it was in one of these differences that +he, advising her rather to bestow her favours upon Jacob Hall, the +rope-dancer, who was able to return them, than lavish away her money +upon Jermyn to no purpose, since it would be more honourable for her to +pass for the mistress of the first, than for the very humble servant of +the other, she was not proof against his raillery. The impetuosity of +her temper broke forth like lightning: she told him “that it very ill +became him to throw out such reproaches against one, who, of all the +women in England, deserved them the least; that he had never ceased +quarrelling thus unjustly with her, ever since he had betrayed his own +mean low inclinations; that to gratify such a depraved taste as his, +he wanted only such silly things as Stewart, Wells, and that pitiful +strolling actress,--[Probably Nell Gwyn.]--whom he had lately introduced +into their society.” Floods of tears from rage, generally attended these +storms; after which, resuming the part of Medea, the scene closed with +menaces of tearing her children in pieces, and setting his palace on +fire. What course could he pursue with such an outrageous fury, who, +beautiful as she was, resembled Medea less than her dragons, when she +was thus enraged! + +The indulgent monarch loved peace; and as he seldom contended for it on +these occasions without paying something to obtain it, he was obliged +to be at great expense, in order to reconcile this last rupture: as they +could not agree of themselves, and both parties equally complained, the +Chevalier de Grammont was chosen, by mutual consent, mediator of the +treaty. The grievances and pretensions on each side were communicated +to him, and what is very extraordinary, he managed so as to please them +both. Here follow the articles of peace, which they agreed to: + +“That Lady Castlemaine should for ever abandon Jermyn; that as a proof +of her sincerity, and the reality of his disgrace, she should consent +to his being sent, for some time, into the country; that she should +not rail any more against Miss Wells, nor storm any more against Miss +Stewart; and this without any restraint on the king’s behaviour towards +her that in consideration of these condescensions, his majesty should +immediately give her the title of duchess, with all the honours and +privileges thereunto belonging, and an addition to her pension, in order +to enable her to support the dignity.” + + [The title of Duchess of Cleveland was conferred on her 3rd August, + 22 Charles II., 1670.] + +As soon as this peace was proclaimed, the political critics, who, in all +nations, never fail to censure all state proceedings, pretended that the +mediator of this treaty, being every day at play with Lady Castlemaine, +and never losing, had, for his own sake, insisted a little too strongly +upon this last article. + +Some days after, she was created Duchess of Cleveland, and little Jermyn +repaired to his country-seat: however, it was in his power to have +returned in a fortnight; for the Chevalier de Grammont, having procured +the king’s permission, carried it to the Earl of St. Alban’s: this +revived the good old man; but it was to little purpose he transmitted it +to his nephew; for whether he wished to make the London beauties deplore +and lament his absence, or whether he wished them to declaim against +the injustice of the age, or rail against the tyranny of the prince, +he continued above half a year in the country, setting up for a little +philosopher, under the eyes of the sportsmen in the neighbourhood, who +regarded him as an extraordinary instance of the caprice of fortune. +He thought the part he acted so glorious, that he would have continued +there much longer had he not heard of Miss Jennings: he did not, +however, pay much attention to what his friends wrote to him concerning +her charms, being persuaded he had seen equally as great in others: what +was related to him of her pride and resistance, appeared to him of far +greater consequence; and to subdue the last, he even looked upon as an +action worthy of his prowess; and quitting his retreat for this purpose, +he arrived in London at the time that Talbot, who was really in love, +had quarrelled, in his opinion, so unjustly with Miss Jennings. + +She had heard Jermyn spoken of as a hero in affairs of love and +gallantry. Miss Price, in the recital of those of the Duchess of +Cleveland, had often mentioned him, without in any respect diminishing +the insignificancy with which fame insinuated he had conducted himself +in those amorous encounters: she nevertheless had the greatest curiosity +to see a man, whose entire person, she thought, must be a moving trophy, +and monument of the favours and freedoms of the fair sex. + +Thus Jermyn arrived at the right time to satisfy her curiosity by his +presence; and though his brilliancy appeared a little tarnished by his +residence in the country; though his head was larger, and his legs more +slender than usual, yet the giddy girl thought she had never seen any +man so perfect; and yielding to her destiny, she fell in love with him, +a thousand times more unaccountably than all the others had done before +her. Everybody remarked this change of conduct in her with surprise; +for they expected something more from the delicacy of a person who, till +this time, had behaved with so much propriety in all her actions. + +Jermyn was not in the least surprised at this conquest, though not a +little proud of it; for his heart had very soon as great a share in +it as his vanity. Talbot, who saw with amazement the rapidity of this +triumph, and the disgrace of his own defeat, was ready to die with +jealousy and spite; yet he thought it would be more to his credit to die +than to vent those passions unprofitably; and shielding himself under +a feigned indifference, he kept at a distance to view how far such an +extravagant prepossession would proceed. + +In the mean time Jermyn quietly enjoyed the happiness of seeing the +inclinations of the prettiest and most extraordinary creature in +England declared in his favour. The duchess, who had taken her under her +protection ever since she had declined placing herself under that of the +duke, sounded Jermyn’s intentions towards her, and was satisfied +with the assurances she received from a man, whose probity infinitely +exceeded his merit in love: he therefore let all the court see that he +was willing to marry her, though, at the same time, he did not appear +particularly desirous of hastening the consummation. Every person now +complimented Miss Jennings upon having reduced to this situation the +terror of husbands, and the plague of lovers: the court was in full +expectation of this miracle, and Miss Jennings of a near approaching +happy settlement: but in this world one must have fortune in one’s +favour, before one can calculate with certainty upon happiness. + +The king did not use to let Lord Rochester remain so long in exile: he +grew weary of it, and being displeased that he was forgotten, he posted +up to London to wait till it might be his majesty’s pleasure to recall +him. + +He first took up his habitation in the city, among the capital tradesmen +and rich merchants, where politeness indeed is not so much cultivated +as at court; but where pleasure, luxury, and abundance reign with less +confusion, and more sincerity. His first design was only to be initiated +into the mysteries of those fortunate and happy inhabitants: that is to +say, by changing his name and dress, to gain admittance to their feasts +and entertainments; and, as occasion offered, to those of their loving +spouses; as he was able to adapt himself to all capacities and humours, +he soon deeply insinuated himself into the esteem of the substantial +wealthy aldermen, and into he affections of their more delicate, +magnificent, and tender ladies: he made one in all their feasts, and +at all their assemblies; and, whilst in the company of the husbands, he +declaimed against the faults and mistakes of government, he joined their +wives in railing against the profligacy of the court ladies, and in +inveighing against the king’s mistresses: he agreed with them, that the +industrious poor were to pay for these cursed extravagances; that the +city beauties were not inferior to those of the other end of the town, +and yet a sober husband in this quarter of the town was satisfied with +one wife; after which, to out-do their murmurings, he said, that he +wondered Whitehall was not yet consumed by fire from heaven, since such +rakes as Rochester, Killegrew, and Sidney were suffered there, who had +the impudence to assert that all married men in the city were cuckolds, +and all their wives painted. This conduct endeared him so much to the +cits, and made him so welcome at their clubs, that at last he grew sick +of their cramming and endless invitations. + +But, instead of approaching nearer the court, he retreated into one of +the most obscure corners of the city: where, again changing both his +name and his dress, in order to act a new part, he caused bills to +be dispersed, giving notice of “The recent arrival of a famous German +doctor, who, by long application and experience, had found out wonderful +secrets, and infallible remedies.” + + [Bishop Burnet confirms this account.--“Being under an unlucky + accident, which obliged him to keep out of the way, he disguised + himself so, that his nearest friends could not have known him, and + set up in Tower Street for an Italian mountebank, where he practised + physic for some weeks, not without success. In his latter years he + read books of history more. He took pleasure to disguise himself as + a porter, or as a beggar; sometimes to follow some mean amours, + which, for the variety of them, he affected. At other times, merely + for diversion, he would go about in odd shapes; in which he acted + his part so naturally, that even those who were in the secret, and + saw him in these shapes, could perceive nothing by which he might be + discovered.”--Burnet’s Life of Rochester, ed. 1774, p. 14.] + +His secrets consisted in knowing what was past, and foretelling what was +to come, by the assistance of astrology: and the virtue of his remedies +principally consisted in giving present relief to unfortunate young +women in all manner of diseases, and all kinds of accidents incident to +the fair sex, either from too unbounded charity to their neighbours, or +too great indulgence to themselves. + +His first practice being confined to his neighbourhood, was not very +considerable; but his reputation soon extending to the other end of the +town, there presently flocked to him the women attending on the court, +next, the chamber-maids of ladies of quality, who, upon the wonders +they related concerning the German doctor, were soon followed by some of +their mistresses. + +Among all the compositions of a ludicrous and satirical kind, there +never existed any that could be compared to those of Lord Rochester, +either for humour, fire, or wit; but, of all his works, the most +ingenious and entertaining is that which contains a detail of the +intrigues and adventures in which he was engaged while he professed +medicine and astrology in the suburbs of London. + +The fair Jennings was very near getting a place in this collection; but +the adventure that prevented her from it, did not, however, conceal from +the public her intention of paying a visit to the German doctor. + +The first chamber-maids that consulted him were only those of the maids +of honour; who had numberless questions to ask, and not a few doubts +to be resolved, both upon their own and their mistresses’ accounts. +Notwithstanding their disguise, he recognised some of them, particularly +Miss Temple’s and Miss Price’s maids, and her whom Miss Hobart had +lately discarded: these creatures all returned either filled with +wonder and amazement, or petrified with terror and fear. Miss Temple’s +chamber-maid deposed that he assured her she would have the small-pox, +and her mistress the great, within two months at farthest, if her +aforesaid mistress did not guard against a man in woman’s clothes. Miss +Price’s woman affirmed that, without knowing her, and only looking in +her hand, he told her at first sight that, according to the course of +the stars, he perceived that she was in the service of some good-natured +lady, who had no other fault than loving wine and men. In short, every +one of them, struck with some particular circumstance relating to their +own private affairs, had either alarmed or diverted their mistresses +with the account, not failing, according to custom, to embellish the +truth, in order to enhance the wonder. + +Miss Price, relating these circumstances one day to her new friend, the +devil immediately tempted her to go in person, and see what sort of a +creature this new magician was. This enterprise was certainly very rash; +but nothing was too rash for Miss Jennings, who was of opinion that a +woman might despise appearances, provided she was in reality virtuous. +Miss Price was all compliance, and thus having fixed upon this glorious +resolution, they only thought of the proper means of putting it into +execution. + +It was very difficult for Miss Jennings to disguise herself, on account +of her excessive fair and bright complexion, and of something particular +in her air and manner: however, after having well considered the matter +the best disguise they could think of was to dress themselves like +orange girls. + + [These frolics appear to have been not unfrequent with persons of + high rank at this period. In a letter from Mr. Henshaw to Sir + Robert Paston, afterwards Earl of Yarmouth, dated October 13, 1670, + we have the following account: “Last week, there being a faire + neare Audley-end, the queen, the Dutchess of Richmond, and the + Dutchess of Buckingham, had a frolick to disguise themselves like + country lasses, to red petticoats, wastcotes, &c., and so goe see + the faire. Sir Barnard Gascoign, on a cart jade, rode before the + queen; another stranger before the Dutchess of Buckingham; and Mr. + Roper before Richmond. They had all so overdone it in their + disguise, and looked so much more like antiques than country volk, + that, as soon as they came to the faire, the people began to goe + after them; but the queen going to a booth, to buy a pair of yellow + stockings for her sweet hart, and Sir Bernard asking for a pair of + gloves sticht with blew, for his sweet hart, they were soon, by + their gebrish, found to be strangers, which drew a bigger flock + about them. One amongst them had seen the queen at dinner, knew + her, and was proud of her knowledge. This soon brought all the + faire into a crowd to stare at the queen. Being thus discovered, + they, as soon as they could, got to their horses; but as many of the + faire as had horses got up, with their wives, children, sweet harts, + or neighbours, behind them, to get as much gape as they could, till + they brought them to the court gate. Thus, by ill conduct, was a + merry frolick turned into a penance.”--I’ve’s Select Papers, p. 39. + + Bishop Burnet says, “at this time, (1668) the court fell into much + extravagance in masquerading: both the king and queen, all the + court, went about masked, and came into houses unknown, and danced + there, with a great deal of wild frolic. In all this people were so + disguised, that, without being in the secret, none could distinguish + them. They were carried about in hackney chairs. Once the queen’s + chairmen, not knowing who she was, went from her. So she was alone, + and was much disturbed, and came to Whitehall in a hackney coach; + some say in a cart.”--Burnet’s History, vol. i., p. 368.] + +This was no sooner resolved upon, but it was put in execution they +attired themselves alike, and, taking each a basket of oranges under +their arms, they embarked in a hackney coach, and committed themselves +to fortune, without any other escort than their own caprice and +indiscretion. + +The duchess was gone to the play with her sister: Miss Jennings had +excused herself under pretence of indisposition she was overjoyed at +the happy commencement of their adventure; for they had disguised +themselves, had crossed the Park, and taken their hackney coach at +Whitehall gate, without the least accident. They mutually congratulated +each other upon it, and Miss Price, taking a beginning so prosperous as +a good omen of their success, asked her companion what they were to do +at the fortune-teller’s, and what they should propose to him. + +Miss Jennings told her that, for her part, curiosity was her principal +inducement for going thither; that, however, she was resolved to ask +him, without naming any person, why a man, who was in love with a +handsome young lady, was not urgent to marry her, since this was in his +power to do, and by so doing he would have an opportunity of gratifying +his desires. Miss Price told her, smiling, that, without going to the +astrologer, nothing was more easy than to explain the enigma, as she +herself had almost given her a solution of it in the narrative of the +Duchess of Cleveland’s adventures. + +Having by this time nearly arrived at the playhouse, Miss Price, after +a moment’s reflection, said, that since fortune favoured them, a fair +opportunity was now offered to signalize their courage, which was to go +and sell oranges in the very playhouse, in the sight of the duchess and +the whole court. The proposal being worthy of the sentiments of the one, +and of the vivacity of the other, they immediately alighted, paid off +their hack, and, running through the midst of an immense number of +coaches, with great difficulty they reached the playhouse door. Sidney, +more handsome than the beautiful Adonis, and dressed more gay than +usual, alighted just then from his coach: Miss Price went boldly up to +him, as he was adjusting his curls; but he was too much occupied with +his own dear self to attend to anything else, and so passed on without +deigning to give her an answer. Killegrew came next, and the fair +Jennings, partly encouraged by the other’s pertness, advanced towards +him, and offered him her basket, whilst Price, more used to the +language, desired him to buy her fine oranges. “Not now,” said he, +looking at them with attention; “but if thou wilt to-morrow morning +bring this young girl to my lodgings, I will make it worth all the +oranges in London to thee” and while he thus spoke to the one he chucked +the other under the chin, examining her bosom. These familiarities +making little Jennings forget the part she was acting, after having +pushed him away with all the violence she was able, she told him with +indignation that it was very insolent to dare--“Ha! ha!” said he, +“here’s a rarity indeed! a young w----, who, the better to sell her +goods, sets up for virtue, and pretends innocence!” + +Price immediately perceived that nothing could be gained by continuing +any longer in so dangerous a place; and, taking her companion under the +arm, she dragged her away, while she was still in emotion at the insult +that had been offered to her. + +Miss Jennings, resolving to sell no more oranges on these terms, was +tempted to return, without accomplishing the other adventure; but Price +having represented to her the disgrace of such cowardly behaviour, more +particularly after having before manifested so much resolution, she +consented to go and pay the astrologer a short visit, so as they might +be enabled to regain the palace before the play was ended. + +They had one of the doctor’s bills for a direction, but there was no +occasion for it; for the driver of the coach they had taken told them he +knew very well the place they wanted, for he had already carried above +an hundred persons to the German doctor’s: they were within half a +street of his house, when fortune thought proper to play them a trick. + +Brounker had dined by chance with a merchant in that part of the city, +and just as he was going away they ordered their coach to stop, as +ill-luck would have it, just opposite to him. Two orange girls in +a hackney coach, one of whom appeared to have a very pretty face, +immediately drew his attention; besides, he had a natural curiosity for +such objects. + + [Gentleman of the chamber to the Duke of York, and brother to Lord + Viscount Brounker, president of the royal society. Lord Clarendon + imputes to him the cause of the great sea-fight, in 1665, not being + so well improved as it might have been, and adds, “nor did the duke + come to hear of it till some years after, when Mr. Brounker’s ill + course of life, and his abominable nature, had rendered him so + odious, that it was taken notice of in parliament, and, upon + examination, found to be true, as is here related; upon which he was + expelled the house of commons, whereof he was a; member, as an + infamous person, though his friend Coventry adhered to him, and used + many indirect acts to have protected him, and afterwards procured + him to have more countenance from the king than most men thought he + deserved; being a person, throughout his whole life, never notorious + for anything but the highest degree of impudence, and stooping to + the most infamous offices, and playing very well at chess, which + preferred him more than the most virtuous qualities could have + done.”--Continuation of Clarendon’s Life, p. 270.] + +Of all the men at court, he had the least regard for the fair sex, and +the least attention to their reputation: he was not young, nor was his +person agreeable; however, with a great deal of wit he had a violent +passion for women. He did himself justice respecting his own merit; and, +being persuaded that he could only succeed with those who were desirous +of having his money, he was at open war with all the rest. He had a +little country-house four or five miles from London always well stocked +with girls: in other respects he was a very honest man, and the best +chess-player in England. + +Price, alarmed at being thus closely examined by the most dangerous +enemy they could encounter, turned her head the other way, bid her +companion do the same, and told the coachman to drive on. Brounker +followed them unperceived on foot; and the coach having stopped twenty +or thirty yards farther up the street, they alighted. He was just +behind them, and formed the same judgment of them which a man much more +charitable to the sex must unavoidably have done, concluding that Miss +Jennings was a young courtesan upon the look-out, and that Miss Price +was the mother-abbess. He was, however, surprised to see them have much +better shoes and stockings than women of that rank generally wear, and +that the little orange girl, in getting out of a very high coach, showed +one of the handsomest legs he had ever seen: but as all this was no +obstruction to his designs, he resolved to purchase her at any rate, in +order to place her in his seraglio. + +He came up to them, as they were giving their baskets in guard to the +coachman, with orders to wait for them exactly in that place. Brounker +immediately pushed in between them: as soon as they saw him, they gave +themselves up for lost; but he, without taking the least notice of their +surprise, took Price aside with one hand, and his purse with the other, +and began immediately to enter upon business, but was astonished to +perceive that she turned away her face, without either answering or +looking at him: As this conduct appeared to him unnatural, he stared her +full in the face, notwithstanding all her endeavours to prevent him: +he did the same to the other: and immediately recognised them, but +determined to conceal his discovery. + +The old fox possessed a wonderful command of temper on such occasions, +and having teazed them a little longer to remove all suspicions he +quitted them, telling Price; “That she was a great fool to refuse his +offers, and that her girl would not, perhaps, get so much in a year, +as she might with him in one day; that the times were greatly changed, +since the queen’s and the duchess’s maids of honour forestalled the +market, and were to be had cheaper than the town ladies.” Upon this he +went back to his coach, whilst they blessed themselves, returning heaven +their most hearty thanks for having escaped this danger without being +discovered. + +Brounker, on the other hand, would not have taken a thousand guineas +for this rencounter: he blessed the Lord that he had not alarmed them to +such a degree as to frustrate their intention; for he made no doubt but +Miss Price had managed some intrigue for Miss Jennings: he therefore +immediately concluded, that at present it would be improper to make +known his discovery, which would have answered no other end but to have +overwhelmed them with confusion. + +Upon this account, although Jermyn was one of his best friends, he felt +a secret joy in not having prevented his being made a cuckold, before +his marriage; and the apprehension he was in of preserving him from that +accident, was his sole reason for quitting them with the precautions +aforementioned. + +Whilst they were under these alarms, their coachman was engaged in a +squabble with some blackguard boys, who had gathered round his coach +in order to steal the oranges: from words they came to blows: the two +nymphs saw the commencement of the fray as they were returning to +the coach, after having abandoned the design of going to the +fortuneteller’s. Their coachman being a man of spirit, it was with great +difficulty they could persuade him to leave their oranges to the mob, +that they might get off without any further disturbance: having thus +regained their hack, after a thousand frights, and after having received +an abundant share of the most low and infamous abuse applied to them +during the fracas, they at length reached St. James’s, vowing never +more to go after fortune-tellers, through so many dangers, terrors, and +alarms, as they had lately undergone. + +Brounker, who, from the indifferent opinion he entertained of the fair +sex, would have staked his life that Miss Jennings did not return from +this expedition in the same condition she went, kept his thoughts, +however, a profound secret; since it would have afforded him the highest +satisfaction to have seen the all-fortunate Jermyn marry a little +street-walker, who pretended to pass for a pattern of chastity, that he +might, the day after his marriage, congratulate him upon his virtuous +spouse; but heaven was not disposed to afford him that satisfaction, as +will appear in the sequel of these memoirs. + +Miss Hamilton was in the country, as we before mentioned, at a +relation’s: the Chevalier de Grammont bore this short absence of hers +with great uneasiness, since she would not allow him permission to visit +her there, upon any pretence whatever; but play, which was favourable to +him, was no small relief to his extreme impatience. + +Miss Hamilton, however, at last returned. Mrs. Wetenhall (for that was +the name of her relation) would by all means wait upon her to London, in +appearance out of politeness; for ceremony, carried beyond all bearing, +is the grand characteristic of country gentry: yet this mark of civility +was only a pretence, to obtain a peevish husband’s consent to his +wife’s journey to town. Perhaps he would have done himself the honour +of conducting Miss Hamilton up to London, had he not been employed in +writing some remarks upon the ecclesiastical history, a work in which he +had long been engaged: the ladies were more civil than to interrupt him +in his undertaking, and besides, it would entirely have disconcerted all +Mrs. Wetenhall’s schemes. + +This lady was what may be properly called a beauty, entirely English, +made up of lilies and roses, of snow and milk, as to colour; and of wax, +with respect to the arms, hands, neck, and feet, but all this without +either animation or air; her face was uncommonly pretty; but there was +no variety, no change of countenance in it: one would have thought she +took it in the morning out of a case, in order to put it up again at +night, without using it in the smallest degree in the daytime. What can +I say of her! nature had formed her a baby from her infancy, and a +baby remained till death the fair Mrs. Wetenhall. Her husband had been +destined for the church; but his elder brother dying just at the time he +had gone through his studies of divinity, instead of taking orders, he +came to England, and took to wife Miss Bedingfield, the lady of whom we +are now speaking. + +His person was not disagreeable, but he had a serious contemplative air, +very apt to occasion disgust: as for the rest, she might boast of having +one of the greatest theologists in the kingdom for her husband: he was +all day poring over his books, and went to bed soon, in order to rise +early; so that his wife found him snoring when she came to bed, and when +he arose he left her there sound asleep: his conversation at table would +have been very brisk, if Mrs. Wetenhall had been as great a proficient +in divinity, or as great a lover of controversy, as he was; but being +neither learned in the former, nor desirous of the latter, silence +reigned at their table, as absolutely as at a refectory. + +She had often expressed a great desire to see London; but though they +were only distant a very short day’s journey from it, she had never been +able to satisfy her curiosity: it was not therefore without reason, +that she grew weary of the life she was forced to lead at Peckham. The +melancholy retired situation of the place was to her insupportable; +and as she had the folly, incident to many other women, of believing +sterility to be a kind of reproach, she was very much hurt to see +that she might fall under that suspicion; for she was persuaded, that +although heaven had denied her children, she nevertheless had all the +necessary requisites on her part, if it had been the will of the Lord. +This had occasioned her to make some reflections, and then to reason +upon those reflections; as for instance, that since her husband +chose rather to devote himself to his studies, than to the duties of +matrimony, to turn over musty old books, rather than attend to the +attractions of beauty, and to gratify his own pleasures, rather than +those of his wife, it might be permitted her to relieve some necessitous +lover, in neighbourly charity, provided she could do it conscientiously, +and to direct her inclinations in so just a, manner, that the evil +spirit should have no concern in it. Mr. Wetenhall, a zealous partisan +for the doctrine of the casuists, would not perhaps have approved of +these decisions; but he was not consulted. + +The greatest misfortune was, that neither solitary Peckham nor its +sterile neighbourhood, presented any expedients, either for the +execution of the afore-mentioned design, or for the relief of poor Mrs. +Wetenhall: she was visibly pining away, when, through fear of dying +either with solitude or of want, she had recourse to Miss Hamilton’s +commiseration. + +Their first acquaintance was formed at Paris, whither Mr. Wetenhall had +taken his wife half a year after they were married, on a journey thither +to buy books: Miss Hamilton, who from that very time greatly pitied her, +consented to pass some time in the country with her, in hopes by that +visit to deliver her, for a short time at least, out of her captivity; +which project succeeded according to her wish. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, being informed of the day on which they were +to arrive, borne on the wings of love and impatience, had engaged George +Hamilton to go with him, and meet them some miles out of London. The +equipage he had prepared for the purpose, corresponded with his usual +magnificence; and on such an occasion, we may reasonably suppose he had +not neglected his person: however, with all his impatience, he checked +the ardour of the coachman, through fear of accidents, rightly judging +that upon a road prudence is preferable to eagerness. The ladies at +length appeared, and Miss Hamilton, being in his eyes, ten or twelve +times more handsome than before her departure from London, he would have +purchased with his life so kind a reception as she gave her brother. + +Mrs. Wetenhall had her share of the praises, which at this interview +were liberally bestowed upon her beauty, for which her beauty was very +thankful to those who did it so much honour; and as Hamilton regarded +her with a tender attention, she regarded Hamilton as a man very well +qualified for putting in execution the little projects she had concerted +with her conscience. + +As soon as she was in London, her head was almost turned, through an +excess of contentment and felicity: everything appeared like enchantment +to her in this superb city; more particularly, as in Paris she had never +seen anything farther than the Rue Saint Jacques, and a few booksellers’ +shops. Miss Hamilton entertained her at her own house, and she was +presented, admired, and well received at both courts. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, whose gallantry and magnificence were +inexhaustible, taking occasion, from this fair stranger’s arrival, to +exhibit his grandeur, nothing was to be seen but balls, concerts, plays, +excursions by land and by water, splendid collations and sumptuous +entertainments: Mrs. Wetenhall was transported with pleasures, of which +the greatest part were entirely new to her; she was greatly delighted +with all, except now and then at a play, when tragedy was acted, which +she confessed she thought rather wearisome: she agreed, however, that +the show was very interesting, when there were many people killed upon +the stage, but thought the players were very fine handsome fellows, who +were much better alive than dead. + +Hamilton, upon the whole, was pretty well treated by her, if a man in +love, who is never satisfied until the completion of his wishes, could +confine himself within the bounds of moderation and reason: he used all +his endeavours to determine her to put in execution the projects she had +formed at Peckham: Mrs. Wetenhall, on the other hand, was much pleased +with him. This is the Hamilton who served in the French army with +distinction; he was both agreeable and handsome. All imaginable +opportunities conspired to favour the establishment of an intimacy, +whose commencement had been so brisk, that in all probability it would +not languish for a conclusion; but the more he pressed her to it, the +more her resolution began to fail, and regard for some scruples, which +she had not well weighed, kept her in suspense: there was reason to +believe that a little perseverance would have removed these obstacles; +yet this at the present time was not attempted. Hamilton, not able to +conceive what could prevent her from completing his happiness, since in +his opinion the first and greatest difficulties of an amour were already +overcome, with respect to the public, resolved to abandon her to +her irresolutions, instead of endeavouring to conquer them by a more +vigorous attack. It was not consistent with reason, to desist from an +enterprise, where so many prospects of success presented themselves, for +such inconsiderable obstacles; but he suffered himself to be intoxicated +with chimeras and visions, which unseasonably cooled the vigour of his +pursuit, and led him astray in another unprofitable undertaking. + + [I apprehend he is the same George Hamilton already described, who + married Miss Jennings, and not the author of this work, as Lord + Orford supposes. In a letter from Arlington to Sir William + Godolphin, dated September 7, 1671, it is said, “the Conde de Molina + complains to us of certain levies Sir George Hamilton hath made in + Ireland. The king hath always told him he had no express license + for it; and I have told the Conde he must not find it strange that a + gentleman who had been bred the king’s page abroad, and losing his + employment at home, for being a Roman Catholic, should have some + more than ordinary connivance towards the making his fortune abroad + by the countenance of his friends and relations in Ireland: and yet + take the matter in the worst sense he could give, it would not + amount to the breach of any article betwixt the king my master and + the court of Spain.”--Arlington’s letters, vol. ii., p. 332. In + a letter from the same nobleman to Lord Sandwich, written about + October, 1667, we find the cause of Sir George Hamilton’s entering + into the French service “Concerning the reformadoes of the guards + of horse, his majesty thought fit, the other day, to have them + dismissed, according to his promise, made to the parliament at the + last session. Mr. Hamilton had a secret overture made him, that he, + with those men, should be welcome into the French service; his + majesty, at their dismissal, having declared they should have leave + to go abroad whither they pleased.” They accepted of Mr. Hamilton’s + offer to carry them into France. “Arlington’s Letters,” vol. i., p. + 185. Lodge, in his Peerage of Ireland, says, Sir George Hamilton + died in 1667, which, from the first extract above, appears to be + erroneous. He has evidently confounded the father and son; the + former of whom was the person who died in 1667.] + +I know not whether poor Wetenhall took the blame upon herself; but it is +certain, she was extremely mortified upon it. Soon after being obliged +to return to her cabbages and turkeys at Peckham, she had almost gone +distracted: that residence appeared a thousand times more dreadful to +her, since she had been initiated into the amusements of London; but +as the queen was to set out within a month for Tunbridge Wells, she was +obliged to yield to necessity, and return to the philosopher, Wetenhall, +with the consolation of having engaged Miss Hamilton to come and live at +her house, which was within ten or twelve miles of Tunbridge, as long as +the court remained there. + +Miss Hamilton promised not to abandon her in her retirement, and further +engaged to bring the Chevalier de Grammont along with her, whose humour +and conversation extremely delighted her. The Chevalier de Grammont, +who on all occasions started agreeable raillery, engaged on his part +to bring George Hamilton, which words overwhelmed her with blushes. The +court set out soon after to pass about two months in the place of all +Europe the most rural and simple, and yet, at the same time, the most +entertaining and agreeable. Tunbridge is the same distance from London, +that Fontainebleau is from Paris, and is, at the season, the general +rendezvous of all the gay and handsome of both sexes. The company, +though always numerous, is always select: since those who repair thither +for diversion, ever exceed the number of those who go thither for +health. Everything there breathes mirth and pleasure: constraint is +banished, familiarity is established upon the first acquaintance, and +joy and pleasure are the sole sovereigns of the place. + +The company are accommodated with lodgings in little, clean, and +convenient habitations, that lie straggling and separated from each +other, a mile and a half all round the Wells, where the company meet +in the morning: this place consists of a long walk, shaded by spreading +trees, under which they walk while they are drinking the waters: on one +side of this walk is a long row of shops, plentifully stocked with all +manner of toys, lace, gloves, stockings, and where there is raffling, as +at Paris, in the Foire de Saint Germain: on the other side of the walk +is the market; and, as it is the custom here for every person to buy +their own provisions, care is taken that nothing offensive appears on +the stalls. Here young, fair, fresh-coloured country girls, with clean +linen, small straw hats, and neat shoes and stockings, sell game, +vegetables, flowers and fruit: here one may live as one pleases: here +is, likewise, deep play, and no want of amorous intrigues. As soon as +the evening comes, every one quits his little palace to assemble at the +bowling-green, where, in the open air, those who choose, dance upon a +turf more soft and smooth than the finest carpet in the world. + +Lord Muskerry had, within two or three short miles of Tunbridge, a very +handsome seat called Summer-hill: Miss Hamilton, after having spent +eight or ten days at Peckham, could not excuse herself from passing the +remainder of the season at his house; and, having obtained leave of Mr. +Wetenhall, that his lady should accompany her, they left the melancholy +residence of Peckham, and its tiresome master, and fixed their little +court at Summer-hill. + +They went every day to court, or the court came to them. The queen +even surpassed her usual attentions in inventing and supporting +entertainments: she endeavoured to increase the natural ease and +freedom of Tunbridge, by dispensing with, rather than requiring, those +ceremonies that were due to her presence; and, confining in the bottom +of her heart that grief and uneasiness she could not overcome, she saw +Miss Stewart triumphantly possess the affections of the king without +manifesting the least uneasiness. + +Never did love see his empire in a more flourishing condition than on +this spot: those who were smitten before they came to it, felt a mighty +augmentation of their flame; and those who seemed the least susceptible +of love, laid aside their natural ferocity, to act in a new character. +For the truth of the latter, we shall only relate the change which soon +appeared in the conduct of Prince Rupert. + + [Lord Orford’s contrast to this character of Prince Rupert is too + just to be here omitted. “Born with the taste of an uncle whom his + sword was not fortunate in defending, Prince Rupert was fond of + those sciences which soften and adorn a hero’s private hours, and + knew how to mix them with his minutes of amusement, without + dedicating his life to their pursuit, like us, who, wanting capacity + for momentous views, make serious study of what is only the + transitory occupation of a genius. Had the court of the first + Charles been peaceful, how agreeably had the prince’s congenial + propensity flattered and confirmed the inclination of his uncle! + How the muse of arts would have repaid the patronage of the monarch, + when, for his first artist, she would have presented him with his + nephew! How different a figure did the same prince make in a reign + of dissimilar complexion! The philosophic warrior, who could relax + himself into the ornament of a refined court, was thought a savage + mechanic, when courtiers were only voluptuous wits. Let me + transcribe a picture of Prince Rupert, drawn by a man who was far + from having the least portion of wit in that age, who was superior + to its indelicacy, and who yet was so overborne by its prejudices, + that he had the complaisance to ridicule virtue, merit, talents. + --But Prince Rupert, alas! was an awkward lover!” Lord Orford here + inserts the character in the text, and then adds, “What pity that + we, who wish to transmit this prince’s resemblance to posterity on a + fairer canvas, have none of these inimitable colours to efface the + harsher likeness! We can but oppose facts to wit, truth to satire. + --How unequal the pencils! yet what these lines cannot do they may + suggest: they may induce the reader to reflect, that if the prince + was defective in the transient varnish of a court, he at least was + adorned by the arts with that polish which alone can make a court + attract the attention of subsequent ages.”--Catalogue of Engravers, + p 135, 8vo ed.] + +He was brave and courageous, even to rashness; but cross-grained +and incorrigibly obstinate: his genius was fertile in mathematical +experiments, and he possessed some knowledge of chemistry: he was polite +even to excess, unseasonably; but haughty, and even brutal, when he +ought to have been gentle and courteous: he was tall, and his manners +were ungracious: he had a dry hard-favoured visage, and a stern look, +even when he wished to please; but, when he was out of humour, he was +the true picture of reproof. + +The queen had sent for the players, either that there might be no +intermission in the diversions of the place, or, perhaps, to retort upon +Miss Stewart, by the presence of Nell Gwyn, part of the uneasiness she +felt from hers. Prince Rupert found charms in the person of another +player called Hughes, who brought down and greatly subdued his natural +fierceness. + + [Mrs. Hughes was one of the actresses belonging to the king’s + company, and one of the earliest female performers. According to + Downs, she commenced her theatrical career after the opening of + Drury lane theatre, in 1663. She appears to have been the first + female representative of Desdemona. By Prince Rupert she had a + daughter, named Ruperta, married to Lieutenant-general Howe, who + survived her husband many years, dying at Somerset house, about the + year 1740.] + +From this time, adieu alembics, crucibles, furnaces, and all the +black furniture of the forges: a complete farewell to all mathematical +instruments and chemical speculations: sweet powder and essences were +now the only ingredients that occupied any share of his attention. The +impertinent gipsy chose to be attacked in form; and proudly refusing +money, that, in the end she might sell her favours at a dearer rate, +she caused the poor prince to act a part so unnatural, that he no longer +appeared like the same person. The king was greatly pleased with this +event, for which great rejoicings were made at Tunbridge; but nobody was +bold enough to make it the subject of satire, though the same constraint +was not observed with other ridiculous personages. + +There was dancing every day at the queen’s apartments, because the +physicians recommended it, and no person thought it amiss: for even +those who cared least for it, chose that exercise to digest the waters +rather than walking. Lord Muskerry thought himself secure against +his lady’s rage for dancing; for, although he was ashamed of it, the +princess of Babylon was, by the grace of God, six or seven months +advanced in pregnancy; and, to complete her misfortune, the child had +fallen all on one side, so that even Euclid would have been puzzled to +say what her figure was. The disconsolate lady, seeing Miss Hamilton +and Mrs. Wetenhall set out every morning, sometimes on horseback and +sometimes in a coach, but ever attended by a gallant troop to conduct +them to court, and to convey them back, she fancied a thousand times +more delights at Tunbridge than in reality there were, and she did not +cease in her imagination, to dance over at Summer-hill all the country +dances which she thought had been danced at Tunbridge. She could no +longer support the racking torments which disturbed her mind, when +relenting heaven, out of pity to her pains and sufferings, caused Lord +Muskerry to repair to London, and kept him there two whole days: as soon +as ever he had turned his back, the Babylonian princess declared her +resolution to make a trip to court. + +She had a domestic chaplain who did not want sense, and Lord Muskerry, +for fear of accidents, had recommended her to the wholesome counsels and +good prayers of this prudent divine; but in vain were all his preachings +and exhortations to stay at home; in vain did he set before her eyes her +husband’s commands, and the dangers to which she would expose herself +in her present condition; he likewise added that her pregnancy, being a +particular blessing from heaven, she ought therefore to be so much the +more careful for its preservation, since it cost her husband, perhaps, +more trouble than she was aware of, to obtain it. These remonstrances +were altogether ineffectual: Miss Hamilton and her cousin Wetenhall, +having the complaisance to confirm her in her resolution, they assisted +in dressing her the next morning, and set out along with her all their +skill and dexterity were requisite to reduce her shape into some kind of +symmetry; but, having at last pinned a small cushion under her petticoat +on the right side, to counteract the untoward appearance the little +infant occasioned by throwing itself on the left, they almost split +their sides with laughter, assuring her at the same time that she looked +perfectly charming. + +As soon as she appeared, it was generally believed that she had dressed +herself in a farthingale, in order to make her court to the queen; but +every person was pleased at her arrival: those who were unacquainted +with the circumstances assured her in earnest that she was pregnant +with twins; and the queen, who envied her condition, notwithstanding +the ridiculous appearance she then made, being made acquainted with the +motive of her journey, was determined to gratify her inclinations. + +As soon as the hour for country dances arrived, her cousin Hamilton was +appointed her partner: she made some faint excuses at first on account +of the inconvenient situation she was then in: but soon suffered them to +be overcome, in order, as she said, to show her duty to the queen; and +never did a woman in this world enjoy such complete satisfaction. + +We have already observed, that the greatest prosperity is liable to the +greatest change: Lady Muskerry, trussed up as she was, seemed to feel no +manner of uneasiness from the motion in dancing; on the contrary, being +only apprehensive of the presence of her husband, which would have +destroyed all her happiness, she danced with uncommon briskness, lest +her ill stars should bring him back before she had fully satisfied +herself with it. In the midst, therefore, of her capering in this +indiscreet manner, her cushion came loose, without her perceiving it, +and fell to the ground in the very middle of the first round. The Duke +of Buckingham, who watched her, took it up instantly, wrapped it up in +his coat, and, mimicking the cries of a new-born infant, he went about +inquiring for a nurse for the young Muskerry among the maids of honour. + +This buffoonery, joined to the strange figure of the poor lady, had +almost thrown Miss Stewart into hysterics; for the princess of Babylon, +after this accident, was quite flat on one side, and immoderately +protuberant on the other. All those who had before suppressed their +inclinations to laugh, now gave themselves free scope, when they saw +that Miss Stewart was ready to split her sides. The poor lady was +greatly disconcerted: every person was officious to console her; but +the queen, who inwardly laughed more heartily than any, pretended to +disapprove of their taking such liberties. + +Whilst Miss Hamilton and Mrs. Wetenhall endeavoured to refit Lady +Muskerry in another room, the Duke of Buckingham told the king that, +if the physicians would permit a little exercise immediately after a +delivery, the best way to recover Lady Muskerry was to renew the dance +as soon as ever her infant was replaced; this advice was approved, +and accordingly put in execution. The queen proposed, as soon as she +appeared, a second round of country-dances; and Lady Muskerry accepting +the offer, the remedy had its desired effect, and entirely removed every +remembrance of her late mishap. + +Whilst these things were passing at the king’s court, that of the Duke +of York took a journey on the other side of London; the pretence of this +journey was to visit the county whose name he bore; but love was the +real motive. The duchess, since her elevation, had conducted herself +with such prudence and circumspection, as could not be sufficiently +admired: such were her manners, and such the general estimation in which +she was held, that she appeared to have found out the secret of pleasing +every one; a secret yet more rare than the grandeur to which she had +been raised: but, after having gained universal esteem, she was +desirous of being more particularly beloved; or, more properly speaking, +malicious Cupid assaulted her heart, in spite of the discretion, +prudence, and reason, with which she had fortified it. + +In vain had she said to herself a hundred times, that if the duke had +been so kind as to do her justice by falling in love with her, he had +done her too much honour by making her his wife; that with respect to +his inconstant disposition, which estranged him from her, she ought to +bear it with patience, until it pleased heaven to produce a change in +his conduct; that the frailties on his part, which might to her appear +injurious, would never justify in her the least deviation from her duty; +and, as resentment was still less allowable, she ought to endeavour to +regain him by a conduct entirely opposite to his own. In vain was it, as +we have said before, that she had long resisted Love and his emissaries +by the help of these maxims: how solid soever reason, and however +obstinate wisdom and virtue may be, there are yet certain attacks which +tire by their length, and, in the end, subdue both reason and virtue +itself. + +The Duchess of York was one of the highest feeders in England: as +this was an unforbidden pleasure she indulged herself in it, as an +indemnification for other self-denials. It was really an edifying sight +to see her at table. The duke, on the contrary, being incessantly in +the hurry of new fancies, exhausted himself by his inconstancy, and was +gradually wasting away; whilst the poor princess, gratifying her good +appetite, grew so fat and plump that it was a blessing to see her. It +is not easy to determine how long things would have continued in this +situation, if Love, who was resolved to have satisfaction for her late +conduct, so opposite to the former, had not employed artifice as well as +force, to disturb her repose. + +He at first let loose upon her resentment and jealousy two mortal +enemies to all tranquillity and happiness. A tall creature, pale-faced, +and nothing but skin and bone, named Churchill, whom she had taken for a +maid of honour, became the object of her jealousy, because she was then +the object of the duke’s affection. The court was not able to comprehend +how, after having been in love with Lady Chesterfield, Miss Hamilton, +and Miss Jennings, he could have any inclination for such a creature; +but they soon perceived that something more than unaccountable variety +had a great share in effecting this conquest. + + [Miss Arabella Churchill, daughter of Sir Winston Churchill of + Wotton Basset, in the county of Wilts, and sister to the celebrated + John, Duke of Marlborough. She was born 1648.] + +The duchess beheld with indignation a choice which seemed to debase her +own merit in a much greater degree than any of the former; at the very +instant that indignation and jealousy began to provoke her spleen, +perfidious Cupid threw in the way of her passions and resentments the +amiable, handsome Sidney; and, whilst he kept her eyes fixed upon +his personal perfections, diverted her attention from perceiving the +deficiency of his mental accomplishments: she was wounded before she was +aware of her danger; but the good opinion Sidney had of his own merit +did not suffer him long to be ignorant of such a glorious conquest; +and, in order more effectually to secure it, his eyes rashly answered +everything which those of her royal highness had the kindness to tell +him, whilst his personal accomplishments were carefully heightened by +all the advantages of dress and show. + +The duchess, foreseeing the consequences of such an engagement, strongly +combated the inclination that hurried her away; but Miss Hobart, siding +with that inclination, argued the matter with her scruples, and, in the +end, really vanquished them. This girl had insinuated herself into +her royal highness’s confidence by a fund of news with which she was +provided the whole year round: the court and the city supplied her; nor +was it very material to her whether her stories were true or false, her +chief care being that they should prove agreeable to her mistress: she +knew, likewise, how to gratify her palate, and constantly provided +a variety of those dishes and liquors which she liked best. These +qualifications had rendered her necessary; but, desirous of being still +more so, and having perceived both the airs that Sidney gave himself, +and what was passing in the heart of her mistress, the cunning Hobart +took the liberty of telling her royal highness that this unfortunate +youth was pining away solely on her account; that it was a thousand +pities a man of his figure should lose the respect for her which was +most certainly her due, merely because she had reduced him to such a +state that he could no longer preserve it; that he was gradually dying +away on her account, in the sight of the whole court; that his situation +would soon be generally remarked, except she made use of the proper +means to prevent it; that, in her opinion, her royal highness ought to +pity the miserable situation into which her charms had reduced him, and +to endeavour to alleviate his pain in some way or other. The duchess +asked her what she meant by “endeavouring to alleviate his pain in some +way or other.” “I mean, madam,” answered Miss Hobart, “that, if either +his person be disagreeable, or his passion troublesome, you will give +him his discharge; or, if you choose to retain him in your service, as +all the princesses in the world would do in your place, you will permit +me to give him directions from you for his future conduct, mixed with a +few grains of hope, to prevent his entirely losing his senses, until +you find a proper occasion yourself to acquaint him with your wishes.” + “What!” said the duchess, “would you advise me, Hobart--you, who really +love me--to engage in an affair of this nature, at the expense of my +honour, and the hazard of a thousand inconveniences! If such frailties +are sometimes excusable, they certainly are not so in the high station +in which I am placed; and it would be an ill-requital on my part for his +goodness who raised me to the rank I now fill to----” “All this is very +fine,” interrupted Miss Hobart: “but is it not very well known that he +only married you because he was importuned so to do? Since that I refer +to yourself whether he has ever restrained his inclination a single +moment, giving you the most convincing proofs of the change that has +taken place in his heart, by a thousand provoking infidelities? Is it +still your intention to persevere in a state of indolence and humility, +whilst the duke, after having received the favours, or suffered the +repulses, of all the coquettes in England, pays his addresses to the +maids of honour, one after the other, and at present places his whole +ambition and desires in the conquest of that ugly skeleton, Churchill? +What! Madam, must then your prime of life be spent in a sort of +widowhood in deploring your misfortunes, without ever being permitted +to make use of any remedy that may offer? A woman must be endowed with +insuperable patience, or with an inexhaustible degree of resignation, to +bear this. Can a husband, who disregards you both night and day, really +suppose, because his wife eats and drinks heartily, as, God be thanked, +your royal highness does, that she wants nothing else than to sleep well +too? Faith, such conduct is too bad: I therefore once more repeat that +there is not a princess in the universe who would refuse the homage of a +man like Sidney, when a husband pays his addresses elsewhere.” + +These reasons were certainly not morally good; but had they been still +worse the duchess would have yielded to them, so much did her heart act +in concert with Miss Hobart, to overthrow her discretion and prudence. + +This intrigue began at the very time that Miss Hobart advised Miss +Temple not to give any encouragement to the addresses of the handsome +Sidney. As for him, no sooner was he informed by the confidant Hobart +that the goddess accepted his adoration than he immediately began to +be particularly reserved and circumspect in his behaviour, in order +to divert the attention of the public; but the public is not so easily +deceived as some people imagine. + +As there were too many spies, too many inquisitive people and critics, +in a numerous court, residing in the midst of a populous city, the +duchess to avoid exposing the inclinations of her heart to the scrutiny +of so many inquisitors, engaged the Duke of York to undertake the +journey before mentioned, whilst the queen and her court were at +Tunbridge. + +This conduct was prudent; and, if agreeable to her, was far from +displeasing to any of her court, except Miss Jennings: Jermyn was not of +the party; and, in her opinion, every party was insipid in which he was +not one of the company. He had engaged himself in an enterprise above +his strength, in laying a wager which the Chevalier de Grammont had +laid before, and lost. He betted five hundred guineas that he would ride +twenty miles in one hour upon the same horse, in the high road. The day +he had fixed upon for this race was the very same in which Miss Jennings +went to the fortune-teller’s. + +Jermyn was more fortunate than her in this undertaking he came off +victorious; but as his courage had far exceeded the strength of his +constitution in this exertion to win the wager, he got a violent fever +into the bargain, which brought him very low. Miss Jennings inquired +after his health; but that was all she dared to do. In modern romances, +a princess need only pay a visit to some hero, abandoned by his +physicians, a perfect cure would be wrought in three days; but since +Miss Jennings had not been the cause of Jermyn’s fever, she was not +certain of relieving him from it, although she had been sure that a +charitable visit would not have been censured in a malicious court. +Without therefore paying any attention to the uneasiness she might feel +upon the occasion, the court set out without him: she had, however, the +gratification to testify her ill-humour throughout the whole journey, by +appearing displeased with everything which seemed to afford satisfaction +to all the rest of the company. + +Talbot made one of the company; and flattering himself that the absence +of a dangerous rival might produce some change in his favour, he was +attentive to all the actions, motions, and even gestures, of his former +mistress. There was certainly enough fully to employ his attention: it +was contrary to her disposition to remain long in a serious humour. Her +natural vivacity hurried her away, from being seemingly lost in thought, +into sallies of wit, which afforded him hopes that she would soon +forget Jermyn, and remember that his own passion was the first she had +encouraged. However, he kept his distance, notwithstanding his love +and his hopes, being of opinion that it ill became an injured lover to +betray either the least weakness, or the smallest return of affection, +for an ungrateful mistress, who had deserted him. + +Miss Jennings was so far from thinking of his resentments, that she +did not even recollect he had ever paid his addresses to her; and her +thoughts being wholly occupied upon the poor sick man, she conducted +herself towards Talbot as if they never had had anything to say to each +other. It was to him that she most usually gave her hand, either in +getting into or out of the coach; she conversed more readily with him +than any other person, and, without intending it, did everything to make +the court believe she was cured of her passion for Jermyn in favour of +her former lover. + +Of this he seemed likewise convinced, as well as the rest; and thinking +it now proper to act another part, in order to let her know that his +sentiments with respect to her were still the same, he had resolved +to address her in the most tender and affectionate manner upon this +subject. Fortune seemed to have favoured him, and to have smoothed the +way for this intended harangue: he was alone with her in her chamber; +and, what was still better, she was rallying him concerning Miss +Boynton; saying, “that they were undoubtedly much obliged to him for +attending them on their journey, whilst poor Miss Boynton had fainting +fits at Tunbridge, at least twice every day, for love of him.” Upon +this discourse, Talbot thought it right to begin the recital of his +sufferings and fidelity, when Miss Temple, with a paper in her hand, +entered the room. This was a letter in verse, which Lord Rochester had +written some time before, upon the intrigues of the two courts; wherein, +upon the subject of Miss Jennings, he said: “that Talbot had struck +terror among the people of God, by his gigantic stature; but that +Jermyn, like a little David, had vanquished the great Goliath.” + Jennings, delighted with this allusion, read it over two or three +times, thought it more entertaining than Talbot’s conversation, at first +heartily laughed at it, but soon after, with a tender air, “Poor little +David!” said she, with a deep sigh, and turning her head on one side +during this short reverie, she shed a few tears, which assuredly did not +flow for the defeat of the giant. This stung Talbot to the quick; and, +seeing himself so ridiculously deceived in his hopes, he went abruptly +out of the room, vowing never to think any more of a giddy girl, whose +conduct was regulated neither by sense nor reason; but he did not keep +his resolution. + +The other votaries of love, who were numerous in this court, were more +successful, the journey being undertaken solely on that account. There +were continual balls and entertainments upon the road; hunting, and all +other diversions, wherever the court halted in its progress. The tender +lovers flattered themselves with the thought of being able to crown +their happiness as they proceeded in their journey; and the beauties +who governed their destiny did not forbid them to hope. Sidney paid his +court with wonderful assiduity: the duchess made the duke take notice +of his late perfect devotion to his service: his royal highness +observed it, and agreed that he ought to be remembered upon the first +opportunity, which happened soon after. + +Montagu, as before mentioned, was master of the horse to the duchess: +he was possessed of a great deal of wit, had much penetration, and loved +mischief. How could she bear such a man near her person, in the present +situation of her heart? This greatly embarrassed her; but Montagu’s +elder brother having, very a-propos, got himself killed where he had no +business, the duke obtained for Montagu the post of master of the horse +to the queen, which the deceased enjoyed; and the handsome Sidney was +appointed to succeed him in the same employment to the duchess. All this +happened according to her wish; and the duke was highly pleased that he +had found means to promote these two gentlemen at once, without being at +the least expense. + +Miss Hobart greatly applauded these promotions: she had frequent and +long conversations with Sidney, which, being remarked, some did her the +honour to believe it was upon her own account; and the compliments that +were made her upon the occasion she most willingly received. The duke, +who believed it at first, observed to the duchess the unaccountable +taste of certain persons, and how the handsomest young fellow in England +was infatuated with such a frightful creature. + +The duchess confessed that taste was very arbitrary; the truth whereof +he himself seemed to be convinced of, since he had fixed upon the +beauteous Helen for his mistress. I know not whether this raillery +caused him to reflect for what reasons he had made his choice; but it +is certain he began to cool in his affections for Miss Churchill; +and perhaps he would entirely have abandoned this pursuit, had not an +accident taken place, which raised in him an entirely new inclination +for her. + +The court having halted for a few days in a fine open country, the +duchess was desirous of seeing a greyhound course. This diversion is +practised in England upon large downs, where the turf, eaten by the +sheep, is particularly green, and wonderfully even. She was in her +coach, and all the ladies on horseback, every one of them being attended +by her squire; it therefore was but reasonable that the mistress should +likewise have her squire. He accordingly was at the side of her coach, +and seemed to compensate for his deficiencies in conversation, by the +uncommon beauty of his mien and figure. + +The duke attended Miss Churchill, not for the sake of besieging her with +soft flattering tales of love, but, on the contrary, to chide her for +sitting so ill on horseback: She was one of the most indolent creatures +in the world; and although the maids of honour are generally the worst +mounted of the whole court, yet, in order to distinguish her, on account +of the favour she enjoyed, they had given her a very pretty, though +rather a high-spirited horse; a distinction she would very willingly +have excused them. + +The embarrassment and fear she was under had added to her natural +paleness. In this situation, her countenance had almost completed +the duke’s disgust, when her horse, desirous of keeping pace with the +others, set off in a gallop, notwithstanding her greatest efforts to +prevent it; and her endeavours to hold him in, firing his mettle, he at +length set off at full speed, as if he was running a race against the +duke’s horse. + +Miss Churchill lost her seat, screamed out, and fell from her horse. +A fall in so quick a pace must have been violent; and yet it proved +favourable to her in every respect; for, without receiving any hurt, she +gave the lie to all the unfavourable suppositions that had been formed +of her person, in judging from her face. The duke alighted, in order to +help her: she was so greatly stunned, that her thoughts were otherwise +employed than about decency on the present occasion; and those who first +crowded around her found her rather in a negligent posture: they could +hardly believe that limbs of such exquisite beauty could belong to Miss +Churchill’s face. After this accident, it was remarked that the duke’s +tenderness and affection for her increased every day; and, towards the +end of the winter, it appeared that she had not tyrannized over his +passion, nor made him languish with impatience. + +The two courts returned to London much about the same time, equally +satisfied with their respective excursions; though the queen was +disappointed in the hopes she had entertained of the good effects of the +Tunbridge waters. + +It was about this time that the Chevalier de Grammont received a letter +from the Marchioness de Saint-Chaumont, his sister, acquainting him, +that he might return when he thought proper, the king having given him +leave. He would have received this news with joy at any other time, +whatever had been the charms of the English court; but, in the present +situation of his heart, he could not resolve to quit it. + +He had returned from Tunbridge a thousand times deeper in love than +ever; for, during this agreeable excursion, he had every day seen +Miss Hamilton, either in the marshes of melancholy Peckham, or in the +delicious walks of cheerful Summerhill, or in the daily diversions +and entertainments of the queen’s court; and whether he saw her on +horseback, heard her conversation, or observed her in the dance, still +he was persuaded that Heaven had never formed an object in every respect +more worthy of the love, and more deserving of the affection, of a man +of sense and delicacy. How then was it possible for him to bear the +thoughts of leaving her? This appeared to him absolutely impracticable; +however, as he was desirous of making a merit with her, of the +determination he had made to neglect his fortune, rather than to be +separated from her charms, he showed her his sister’s letter: but this +confidence had not the success he expected. + +Miss Hamilton, in the first place, congratulated him upon his recall: +She returned him many thanks for the sacrifice he intended to make her; +but as this testimony of affection greatly exceeded the bounds of mere +gallantry, however sensibly she might feel this mark of his tenderness, +she was, however, determined not to abuse it. In vain did he protest +that he would rather meet death than part from her irresistible charms; +and her irresistible charms protested that he should never see them +more, unless he departed immediately. Thus was he forced to obey. +However, he was allowed to flatter himself, that these positive orders, +how harsh soever they might appear, did not flow from indifference; +that she would always be more pleased with his return than with his +departure, for which she was now so urgent; and having generously given +him assurances that, so far as depended upon herself, he would find, +upon his return, no variation in her sentiments during his absence, he +took leave of his friends, thinking of nothing but his return, at the +very time he was making preparations for his departure. + + + + +CHAPTER ELEVENTH. RETURN OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT TO FRANCE--HE IS SENT +BACK TO ENGLAND--VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THIS COURT, AND MARRIAGE OF +MOST OF THE HEROES OF THESE MEMOIRS + + +The nearer the Chevalier de Grammont approached the court of France, the +more did he regret his absence from that of England. + +A thousand different thoughts occupied his mind upon the journey: +Sometimes he reflected upon the joy and satisfaction his friends +and relations would experience upon his return; sometimes upon the +congratulations and embraces of those who, being neither the one nor the +other, would, nevertheless, overwhelm him with impertinent compliments: +All these ideas passed quickly through his head; for a man deeply in +love makes it a scruple of conscience not to suffer any other thoughts +to dwell upon his mind than those of the object beloved. It was then +the tender, endearing remembrance of what he had left in London that +diverted his thoughts from Paris; and it was the torments of absence +that prevented his feeling those of the bad roads and the bad horses. +His heart protested to Miss Hamilton, between Montreuil and Abbeville +that he only tore himself from her with such haste, to return the +sooner; after which, by a short reflection, comparing the regret he had +formerly felt upon the same road, in quitting France for England, with +that which he now experienced, in quitting England for France, he found +the last much more insupportable than the former. + +It is thus that a man in love entertains himself upon the road; or +rather, it is thus that a trifling writer abuses the patience of his +reader, either to display his own sentiments, or to lengthen out a +tedious story; but God forbid that this character should apply to +ourselves, since we profess to insert nothing in these memoirs, but +what we have heard from the mouth of him whose actions and sayings we +transmit to posterity. + +Who, except Squire Feraulas, has ever been able to keep a register of +all the thoughts, sighs, and exclamations, of his illustrious master? +For my own part, I should never have thought that the attention of the +Count de Grammont, which is at present so sensible to inconveniences +and dangers, would have ever permitted him to entertain amorous thoughts +upon the road, if he did not himself dictate to me what I am now +writing. + +But let us speak of him at Abbeville. The postmaster was his old +acquaintance: His hotel was the best provided of any between Calais and +Paris; and the Chevalier de Grammont, alighting, told Termes he would +drink a glass of wine during the time they were changing horses. It +was about noon; and, since the preceding night, when they had landed at +Calais, until this instant, they had not eat a single mouthful. Termes, +praising the Lord, that natural feelings had for once prevailed over the +inhumanity of his usual impatience, confirmed him as much as possible in +such reasonable sentiments. + +Upon their entering the kitchen, where the Chevalier generally paid his +first visit, they were surprised to see half a dozen spits loaded +with game at the fire, and every other preparation for a magnificent +entertainment. The heart of Termes leaped for joy: he gave private +orders to the hostler to pull the shoes off some of the horses, that +he might not be forced away from this place before he had satisfied his +craving appetite. + +Soon after, a number of violins and hautboys, attended by all the mob +of the town, entered the court. The landlord, being asked the reason of +these great preparations, acquainted the Chevalier de Grammont that +they were for the wedding of one of the most wealthy gentlemen in the +neighbourhood with one of the handsomest girls in the whole province; +that the entertainment was to be at his house; and that, if his lordship +chose to stop, in a very short time he would see the new-married couple +arrive from the church, since the music was already come. He was right +in his conjectures; for these words were scarce out of his mouth, when +three uncommonly large coaches, loaded with lackeys, as tall as Swiss, +with most gaudy liveries, all covered with lace, appeared in the +court, and disembarked the whole wedding company. Never was country +magnificence more naturally displayed: Rusty tinsel, tarnished lace, +striped silks, little eyes, and full swelling breasts, appeared on every +side. + +If the first sight of the procession surprised the Chevalier de +Grammont, faithful Termes was no less astonished at the second. The +little that was to be seen of the bride’s face appeared not without +beauty; but no judgment could be formed of the remainder: Four dozen +of patches, at least, and ten ringlets of hair, on each side, most +completely concealed her from all human eyes; but it was the bridegroom +who most particularly attracted the Chevalier de Grammont’s attention. + +He was as ridiculously dressed as the rest of the company, except a +coat of the greatest magnificence, and of the most exquisite taste. The +Chevalier de Grammont, walking up to him to examine his dress, began to +commend the embroidery of his coat. The bridegroom thought himself much +honoured by this examination, and told him he bought it for one hundred +and fifty louis, at the time he was paying his addresses to his wife. +“Then you did not get it made here?” said the Chevalier de Grammont. +“No,” replied the other; “I bought it of a London merchant, who had +ordered it for an English lord.” The Chevalier de Grammont, who now +began to perceive in what manner the adventure would end, asked him if +he should recollect the merchant if he saw him again? “Recollect him!” + replied the other, “I surely ought; for I was obliged to sit up drinking +with him all night at Calais, as I was endeavouring to beat down the +price.” Termes had vanished out of sight as soon as ever this coat +appeared, though he little supposed that the cursed bridegroom would +have any conversation concerning it with his master. + +The Chevalier’s thoughts were some time wavering between his inclination +to laugh, and a desire of hanging Master Termes; but the long habit +of suffering himself to be robbed by his domestics, together with the +vigilance of the criminal, whom his master could not reproach with +having slept in his service, inclined him to clemency; and yielding to +the importunities of the country gentleman, in order to confound his +faithful servant, he sat down to table, to make the thirty-seventh of +the company. + +A short time after, he desired one of the waiters to call for a +gentleman whose name was Termes. He immediately appeared; and as soon +as the master of the feast saw him, he rose from table, and offering him +his hand; “Welcome, my friend,” said he; “you see that I have taken good +care of the coat which you sold me with so much reluctance, and that I +have kept it for a good purpose.” + +Termes, having put on a face of brass, pretended not to know him, and +pushed him back with some degree of rudeness. “No, no!” said the other; +“since I was obliged to sit up with you the whole night, in order to +strike the bargain, you shall pledge me in the bride’s health.” + The Chevalier de Grammont, who saw that Termes was disconcerted, +notwithstanding his impudence, said to him with a smile: “Come, come, +my good London merchant, sit down, as you are so civilly invited: we are +not so crowded at table but that there will be room enough for such an +honest gentleman as yourself.” At these words five-and-thirty of the +guests were in motion to receive this new visitor: the bride alone, out +of an idea of decorum, remained seated; and the audacious Termes, having +swallowed the first shame of this adventure, began to lay about him at +such a rate, as if it had been his intention to swallow all the wine +provided for the wedding, if his master had not risen from the table as +they were taking off four-and-twenty soups, to serve up as many other +dishes in their stead. + +The company were not so unreasonable as to desire a man who was in such +haste to remain to the end of a wedding dinner; but they all got up when +he arose from table, and all that he could obtain from the bridegroom +was that the company should not attend him to the gate of the inn. As +for Termes, he wished they had not quitted him till the end of their +journey, so much did he dread being left alone with his master. + +They had advanced some distance from Abbeville, and were proceeding on +in the most profound silence, when Termes, who expected an end to it +in a short time, was only solicitous in what manner it might happen, +whether his master would attack him with a torrent of invectives, and +certain epithets which were most justly his due, or whether, in an +insulting, ironical manner, he might make use of such commendations as +were most likely to confound him; but finding, instead of either, that +he remained in sullen silence, he thought it prudent rather to prevent +the speech the Chevalier was meditating than to suffer him to think +longer about it; and, accordingly, arming himself with all his +effrontery: “You seem to be very angry, Sir,” said he, “and I suppose +you think you have reason for being so; but the devil take me, if you +are not mistaken in reality.” + +“How! traitor! in reality?” said the Chevalier de Grammont. “It is then +because I have not had thee well thrashed, as thou hast for a long +time merited.” “Look ye, Sir,” replied Termes, “you always run into a +passion, instead of listening to reason! Yes, Sir, I maintain that what +I did was for your benefit.” “And was not the quicksand likewise for +my service?” said the Chevalier de Grammont. “Have patience, if +you please,” pursued the other: “I know not how that simpleton of a +bridegroom happened to be at the custom-house when my portmanteau was +examined at Calais: but these silly cuckolds thrust in their noses +everywhere. As soon as ever he saw your coat, he fell in love with it. +I immediately perceived he was a fool; for he fell down upon his knees, +beseeching me to sell it him. Besides being greatly rumpled in the +portmanteau, it was all stained in front by the sweat of the horses. I +wonder how the devil he has managed to get it cleaned; but, faith, I am +the greatest scoundrel in the world, if you would ever have put it on. +In a word, it cost you one hundred and forty louis d’ors, and seeing he +offered me one hundred and fifty for it; ‘My master,’ said I, ‘has no +occasion for this tinselled bauble to distinguish him at the ball; and, +although he was pretty full of cash when I left him, how know I in what +situation he may be upon my return? there is no certainty at play.’ To +be brief, Sir, I got ten louis d’ors for it more than it cost you: this +you see is all clear profit: I will be accountable to you for it, and +you know that I am sufficiently substantial to make good such a sum. +Confess now, do you think you would have appeared to greater advantage +at the ball, if you had been dressed out in that damned coat, which +would have made you look just like the village bridegroom to whom we +sold it? and yet how you stormed at London when you thought it lost; +what fine stories you told the king about the quicksand; and how +churlish you looked, when you first began to suppose that this country +booby wore it at his wedding!” + +What could the Chevalier reply to such uncommon impudence? If he +indulged his resentment, he must either have most severely bastinadoed +him, or he must have discarded him, as the easiest escape the rogue +could expect; but he had occasion for him during the remainder of his +journey; and, as soon as he was at Paris, he had occasion for him for +his return. + +The Marechal de Grammont had no sooner notice of his arrival than he +went to him at the hotel; and, the first embraces being over on both +sides, “Chevalier,” said the Marechal, “how many days have you been in +coming from London hither? for God knows at what a rate you travel on +such occasions.” The Chevalier told him he had been three days upon the +road; and, to excuse himself for making no more haste, he related to +him his Abbeville adventure. “It is a very entertaining one,” said his +brother; “but what is yet more entertaining is, that it will be your +fault if you do not find your coat still at table; for the country +gentry are not accustomed to rise very soon from a wedding dinner.” And +then, in a very serious tone, told him, “he knew not who had advised him +to this unexpected return, which might probably ruin all his affairs; +but he had orders from the king to bid him go back again without +appearing at court. He told him afterwards that he was very much +astonished at his impatience, as, till this time, he had conducted +himself uncommonly well, and was sufficiently acquainted with the king’s +temper to know that the only way to merit his pardon was to wait until +it freely came from his clemency.” + +The Chevalier, in justification of his conduct, produced Madame de Saint +Chaumont’s letter, and told the Marechal that he would very willingly +have spared her the trouble of writing him such kind of news, to +occasion him so useless a journey. “Still more indiscretion,” replied +his brother; “for pray how long has our sister being either secretary of +state or minister, that she should be employed by the king to make known +his majesty’s order? Do you wish to know the real state of the case? +Some time ago the king told Madame--[Henrietta]--how you had refused the +pension the King of England offered you. + + [“Henrietta, youngest daughter of Charles the First,--born at Exeter + 16th June, 1644, from whence she was removed to London in 1646, and, + with her governess, Lady Dalkeith, soon afterwards conveyed to + France. On the restoration, she came over to England with her + mother, but returned to France in about six months, and was married + to Philip, Duke of Orleans, only brother of Louis XIV. In May, + 1670, she came again to Dover, on a mission of a political nature, + it is supposed, from the French king to her brother, in which she + was successful. She died, soon after her return to France, + suddenly, not without suspicion of having been poisoned by her + husband. King James, in his Diary, says, ‘On the 22d of June, the + news of the Duchess of Orleans’ death arrived. It was suspected + that counter-poisons were given her; but when she was opened, in the + presence of the English ambassador, the Earl of Ailesbury, an + English physician and surgeon, there appeared no grounds of + suspicion of any foul play. Yet Bucks tallied openly that she was + poisoned; and was so violent as to propose to foreign ministers to + make war on France.’--Macpherson’s Original Papers, vol i. At the + end of Lord Arlington’s Letters are five very remarkable ones from a + person of quality, who is said to have been actually on the spot, + giving a particular relation of her death.] + +“He appeared pleased with the manner in which Comminges had related to +him the circumstances attending it, and said he was pleased with you for +it: Madame interpreted this as an order for your recall; and Madame de +Saint Chaumont being very far from possessing that wonderful discretion +she imagines herself mistress of, she hastened to despatch to you this +consequential order in her own hand. To conclude, Madame said yesterday, +when the king was at dinner, that you would very soon be here; and the +king, as soon as dinner was over, commanded me to send you back as soon +as you arrived. Here you are; set off again immediately.” + +This order might have appeared severe to the Chevalier de Grammont at +any other time; but, in the present state of his heart, he soon resolved +upon obeying. Nothing gave him uneasiness but the officious advice +which had obliged him to leave the English court; and being entirely +unconcerned that he was not allowed to see the French court before his +departure, he only desired the Marechal to obtain leave for him to stay +a few days to collect in some play debts which were owing him. This +request was granted, on condition that he should not remain in Paris. + +He chose Vaugirard for his retreat: it was there that he had several +adventures which he so often related in so humorous and diverting a +manner, that it would be tedious to repeat them; there it was that he +administered the sacrament in so solemn a manner, that, as there did not +remain a sufficient number of Swiss at Versailles to guard the chapel, +Vardes was obliged to acquaint the king that they were all gone to the +Chevalier de Grammont, who was administering the sacrament at Vaugirard: +there likewise happened that wonderful adventure which threw the +first slur upon the reputation of the great Saucourt, when, having a +tete-a-tete with the gardener’s daughter, the horn, which was agreed +upon as the signal to prevent surprises, was sounded so often, that +the frequent alarms cooled the courage of the celebrated Saucourt, and +rendered useless the assignation that was procured for him with one of +the prettiest girls in the neighbourhood. It was, likewise, during his +stay at Vaugirard, that he paid a visit to Mademoiselle de l’Hopital at +Issy, to inquire into the truth of a report of an amour between her +and a man of the long robe; and it was there that, on his arriving +unexpectedly, the President de Maisons was forced to take refuge in a +closet, with so much precipitation, that half of his robe remained on +the outside when he shut the door; while the Chevalier de Grammont, who +observed it, made his visit excessively long, in order to keep the two +lovers upon the rack. + +His business being settled, he set out for England on the wings of love. +Termes redoubled his vigilance upon the road. The post horses were +ready in an instant at every stage: the winds and tides favoured his +impatience; and he reached London with the highest satisfaction. The +court was both surprised and charmed at his sudden return. No person +condoled with him upon his late disappointment, which had occasioned +him to come back, as he testified no manner of uneasiness concerning it +himself: nor was Miss Hamilton in the least displeased at his readiness +in obeying the orders of the king his master. + +Nothing new had happened in the English court during his short absence; +but it assumed a different aspect soon after his return: I mean with +respect to love and pleasure, which were the most serious concerns of +the court during the greatest part of this gay reign. + +The Duke of Monmouth, natural son to Charles the Second, now made his +first appearance in his father’s court. + + [James Duke of Monmouth, was the son of Charles the II., by one Lucy + Walters. He was born at Rotterdam, April 9, 1649, and bore the name + of James Crofts until the restoration. His education was chiefly at + Paris, under the eye of the queen-mother, and the government of + Thomas Ross, Esq., who was afterwards secretary to Mr. Coventry + during his embassy in Sweden. At the restoration, he was brought to + England, and received with joy by his father, who heaped honours and + riches upon him, which were not sufficient to satisfy his ambitious + views. To exclude his uncle, the Duke of York, from the throne, he + was continually intriguing with the opposers of government, and was + frequently in disgrace with his sovereign. On the accession of + James II. he made an ineffectual attempt to raise a rebellion, was + taken prisoner, and beheaded on Tower-hill, 15th July, 1685. Mr. + Macpherson has drawn his character in the following terms: + “Monmouth, highly beloved by the populace, was a fit instrument to + carry forward his (i.e. Shaftesbury’s) designs. To a gracefulness + which prejudiced mankind in his favour as soon as seen, he joined an + affability which gained their love. Constant in his friendships, + and just to his word, by nature tender, and an utter enemy to + severity and cruelty, active and vigorous in his constitution, he + excelled in the manly exercises of the field. He was personally + brave. He loved the pomp and the very dangers of war. But with + these splendid qualities, he was vain to a degree of folly, + versatile in his measures, weak in his understanding. He was + ambitious without dignity, busy without consequence, attempting ever + to be artful, but always a fool. Thus, taking the applause of the + multitude for a certain mark of merit, he was the dupe of his own + vanity, and owed all his misfortunes to that weakness.”--History of + England, vol. i., chap. iii.] + +His entrance upon the stage of the world was so brilliant, his ambition +had occasioned so many considerable events, and the particulars of his +tragical end are so recent, that it were needless to produce any other +traits to give a sketch of his character. By the whole tenor of his +life, he appeared to be rash in his undertakings, irresolute in the +execution, and dejected in his misfortunes, in which, at least, an +undaunted resolution ought to equal the greatness of the attempt. + +His figure and the exterior graces of his person were such, that nature +perhaps never formed anything more complete: His face was extremely +handsome; and yet it was a manly face, neither inanimate nor effeminate; +each feature having its beauty and peculiar delicacy: He had a wonderful +genius for every sort of exercise, an engaging aspect, and an air of +grandeur: in a word, he possessed every personal advantage; but then he +was greatly deficient in mental accomplishments. He had no sentiments +but such as others inspired him with; and those who first insinuated +themselves into his friendship, took care to inspire him with none but +such as were pernicious. The astonishing beauty of his outward form +caused universal admiration: those who before were looked upon as +handsome were now entirely forgotten at court: and all the gay and +beautiful of the fair sex were at his devotion. He was particularly +beloved by the king; but the universal terror of husbands and lovers. +This, however, did not long continue; for nature not having endowed him +with qualifications to secure the possession of the heart, the fair sex +soon perceived the defect. + +The Duchess of Cleveland was out of humour with the king, because +the children she had by his majesty were like so many little puppets, +compared to this new Adonis. She was the more particularly hurt, as she +might have boasted of being the queen of love, in comparison with the +duke’s mother. + +The king, however, laughed at her reproaches, as, for some time, she had +certainly no right to make any; and, as this piece of jealousy appeared +to be more ill-founded than any she had formerly affected, no person +approved of her ridiculous resentment. Not succeeding in this, she +formed another scheme to give the king uneasiness: Instead of opposing +his extreme tenderness for his son, she pretended to adopt him, in her +affection, by a thousand commendations and caresses, which she was +daily and continually increasing. As these endearments were public, she +imagined they could not be suspected; but she was too well known for her +real design to be mistaken. The king was no longer jealous of her; +but, as the Duke of Monmouth was of an age not to be insensible to the +attractions of a woman possessing so many charms, he thought it proper +to withdraw him from this pretended mother-in-law, to preserve his +innocence, or at least his fame, uncontaminated: it was for this reason, +therefore, that the king married him so young. An heiress of five +thousand pounds a-year in Scotland, offered very a-propos: her person +was full of charms, and her mind possessed all those perfections in +which the handsome Monmouth was deficient. + + [This was Lady Anne Scott, daughter and sole heir of Francis, Earl + of Buccleugh, only son and heir of Walter, Lord Scott, created Earl + of Buccleugh in 1619. On their marriage the duke took the surname + of Scott, and he and his lady were created Duke and Duchess of + Buccleugh, Earl and Countess of Dalkeith, Baron and Baroness of + Whitchester and Ashdale in Scotland, by letters patent, dated April + 20th, 1673. Also, two days after he was installed at Windsor, the + king and queen, the Duke of York, and most of the court being + present. The next day, being St. George’s day, his majesty + solemnized it with a royal feast, and entertained the knights + companions in St. George’s hall in the castle of Windsor. Though + there were several children of this marriage, it does not appear to + have been a happy one; the duke, without concealment attaching + himself to Lady Harriet Wentworth, whom, with his dying breath, he + declared he considered as his only wife in the sight of God. The + duchess, in May, 1688, took to her second husband Charles, Lord + Cornwallis. She died Feb. 6, 1731-32, in the 81st year of her age, + and was buried at Dalkeith in Scotland. Our author is not more + correct about figures than he avows himself to be in the arrangement + of facts and dates: the duchess’s fortune was much greater than he + has stated it to have been.] + +New festivals and entertainments celebrated this marriage. The most +effectual method to pay court to the king, was to outshine the rest in +brilliancy and grandeur; and whilst these rejoicings brought forward +all manner of gallantry and magnificence, they either revived old, or +established new amours. + +The fair Stewart, then in the meridian of her glory, attracted all eyes, +and commanded universal respect and admiration. The Duchess of Cleveland +endeavoured to eclipse her at this fate, by a load of jewels, and by all +the artificial ornaments of dress; but it was in vain: her face looked +rather thin and pale, from the commencement of a third or fourth +pregnancy, which the king was still pleased to place to his own +account; and, as for the rest, her person could in no respect stand in +competition with the grace and beauty of Miss Stewart. + +It was during this last effort of her charms, that she would have been +queen of England, had the king been as free to give his hand as he +was to surrender his heart: for it was at this time that the Duke of +Richmond took it into his head either to marry her, or to die in the +attempt. + +A few months after the celebration of the Duke of Monmouth’s nuptials, +Killegrew, having nothing better to do; fell in love with Lady +Shrewsbury; and, as Lady Shrewsbury, by a very extraordinary chance, +had no engagement at that time, their amour was soon established. No one +thought of interrupting an intimacy which did not concern any one; but +Killegrew thought proper to disturb it himself. Not that his happiness +fell short of his expectation, nor did possession put him out of love +with a situation so enviable; but he was amazed that he was not envied, +and offended that his good fortune raised him no rivals. + +He possessed a great deal of wit, and still more eloquence, which most +particularly displayed itself when he was a little elevated with +the juice of the grape: he then indulged himself in giving luxurious +descriptions of Lady Shrewsbury’s most secret charms and beauties, which +above half the court were as well acquainted with as himself. + +The Duke of Buckingham was one of those who could only judge from +outward appearances: and appearances, in his opinion, did not seem to +promise any thing so exquisite as the extravagant praises of Killegrew +would infer. As this indiscreet lover was a frequent guest at the Duke +of Buckingham’s table, he was continually employing his rhetoric on +this subject, and he had full opportunity for his harangues; for they +generally sat down to dinner at four o’clock, and only rose just in time +for the play in the evening. + +The Duke of Buckingham, whose ears were continually deafened with +descriptions of Lady Shrewsbury’s merits, resolved at last to examine +into the truth of the matter himself. As soon as he had made the +experiment, he was satisfied; and, though he fancied that fame did not +exceed the truth, yet this intrigue began in such a manner, that it +was generally believed its duration would be short, considering, the +fickleness of both parties, and the vivacity with which they had engaged +in it: nevertheless, no amour in England ever continued so long. + +The imprudent Killegrew, who could not be satisfied without rivals, was +obliged, in the end, to be satisfied without a mistress. This he bore +very impatiently; but so far was Lady Shrewsbury from hearkening to, or +affording any redress for the grievances at first complained of, that +she pretended even not to know him. His spirit could not brook such +treatment; and without ever considering that he was the author of +his own disgrace, he let loose all his abusive eloquence against her +ladyship: he attacked her with the most bitter invectives from head to +foot: he drew a frightful picture of her conduct; and turned all her +personal charms, which he used to extol, into defects. He was privately +warned of the inconveniences to which these declamations might subject +him, but despised the advice, and, persisting, he soon had reason to +repent it. + +As he was returning one evening from the Duke of York’s apartments at +St. James’s, three passes with a sword were made at him through his +chair, one of which went entirely through his arm. Upon this, he was +sensible of the danger to which his intemperate tongue had exposed him, +over and above the loss of his mistress. The assassins made their escape +across the Park, not doubting but they had dispatched him. + +Killegrew thought that all complaints would be useless; for what redress +from justice could he expect for an attempt of which his wounds were +his only evidence? And, besides, he was convinced that if he began +a prosecution founded upon appearances and conjectures, the parties +concerned would take the shortest and most effectual means to put a stop +to all inquiries upon the subject, and that their second attempt would +not prove ineffectual. Being desirous, therefore, of deserving mercy +from those who had endeavoured to assassinate him, he no longer +continued his satires, and said not a word of the adventure. The Duke of +Buckingham and Lady Shrewsbury remained for a long period both happy and +contented. Never before had her constancy been of so long a duration; +nor had he ever been so submissive and respectful a lover. + +This continued until Lord Shrewsbury, who never before had shown the +least uneasiness at his lady’s misconduct, thought proper to resent +this: it was public enough, indeed, but less dishonourable to her than +any of her former intrigues. Poor Lord Shrewsbury, too polite a man to +make any reproaches to his wife, was resolved to have redress for his +injured honour: he accordingly challenged the Duke of Buckingham; and +the Duke of Buckingham, as a reparation for his honour, having killed +him upon the spot, remained a peaceable possessor of this famous Helen. +The public was at first shocked at the transaction; but the public grows +familiar with everything by habit, and by degrees both decency, and even +virtue itself, are rendered tame, and overcome. The queen was at the +head of those who exclaimed against so public and scandalous a crime, +and against the impunity of such a wicked act. As the Duchess of +Buckingham was a short fat body, like her majesty, who never had had any +children, and whom her husband had abandoned for another; this sort of +parallel in their situations interested the queen in her favour; but +it was all in vain: no person paid any attention to them; the +licentiousness of the age went on uncontrolled, though the queen +endeavoured to raise up the serious part of the nation, the politicians +and devotees, as enemies against it. + +The fate of this princess was in many cases truly melancholy: The king, +indeed, paid her every outward attention; but that was all: She easily +perceived that the respect he entertained for her daily diminished, in +proportion as the credit of her rivals increased: She saw that the king +her husband was now totally indifferent about legitimate children, since +his all-charming mistresses bore him others. As all the happiness of her +life depended upon that blessing, and as she flattered herself that the +king would prove kinder to her if Heaven would vouchsafe to grant +her desires, she had recourse to all the celebrated secrets against +sterility: pious vows, nine days’ prayers, and offerings having been +tried in all manners, but all to no purpose, she was at last obliged to +return to natural means. + +What would she have given on this occasion for the ring which Archbishop +Turpin wore on his finger, and which made Charlemagne run after him, in +the same manner as it had made him run after one of his concubines, from +whose finger Turpin had taken it after her death! But it is now many +years since the only talismans for creating love are the charms of +the person beloved, and foreign enchantments have been looked upon as +ineffectual. The queen’s physicians, men of great prudence, sagacity, +and wisdom, as they always are, having duly weighed and considered that +the cold waters of Tunbridge had not succeeded in the preceding year, +concluded that it would be advisable for her to try the warm baths at +Bristol--[Probably Bath, D.W.]--This journey was therefore fixed for +the next season; and in the confidence of its proving effectual, this +excursion would have afforded her much pleasure, if the most dangerous +of her rivals had not been one of the first that was appointed to attend +the court. The Duchess of Cleveland being then near her time, there was +no uneasiness on her account: the common rules of decency required a +little attention. The public, it is true, was not either more or less +acquainted with the circumstances of her situation; by the care which +she now took to conceal it; but her appearing at court in her present +condition would have been too great an insult to the queen. Miss +Stewart, more handsome than ever, was appointed for this excursion, and +began to make magnificent preparations. The poor queen durst say nothing +against it; but all hopes of success immediately forsook her. What could +the baths, or the feeble virtue of the waters, perform against charms +that entirely counteracted their effects, either through the grief +and uneasiness they occasioned her, or by their still more powerful +consequences? + +The Chevalier de Grammont, to whom all pleasures were insipid without +the presence of Miss Hamilton, was yet unable to excuse himself from +attending the court: the king delighted too much in his sprightly +conversation to leave him behind; and however pleasing his company might +have been in the solitude occasioned by the absence of the court, Miss +Hamilton did not think it right to accept his offer of staying in town, +because she was obliged to remain there: she, however, granted him the +permission of writing her an account of any news that might occur upon +the journey. He failed not to make use of this permission, in such a +manner as one may imagine: and his own concerns took up so much space +in his letters, that there was very little room left for other subjects +during his stay at the baths. As absence from the object of his +affections rendered this place insupportable, he engaged in everything +that might dissipate his impatience, until the happy moment of return +arrived. + +He had a great esteem for the elder of the Hamiltons; no less esteem, +and far more friendship for his brother, whom he made the confidant +of his passion and attachment for his sister. The Chevalier was also +acquainted with his first engagements with his cousin Wetenhall; but +being ignorant of the coldness that had interrupted a commerce so brisk +in its commencement, he was surprised at the eagerness he showed upon +all occasions to please Miss Stewart: his assiduity appeared to the +Chevalier de Grammont to exceed those civilities and attentions that +are usually paid for the purpose of making court to the favourites of +princes. He observed him more strictly, and soon perceived that he was +deeper in love with her than was consistent either with his fortune +or his repose. As soon as the remarks he made had confirmed him in +his suspicions, he resolved to use his endeavours to prevent the +consequences of an engagement pernicious in every respect: but he waited +for a proper opportunity of speaking to him upon the subject. + +In the mean time, the court enjoyed every kind of diversion, in a place +where amusement is sought with avidity. The game of bowls, which in +France is the pastime of mechanics and servants only, is quite the +contrary in England, where it is the exercise of gentlemen, and requires +both art and address: it is only in use during the fair and dry part of +the season, and the places where it is practised are charming, delicious +walks, called bowling-greens, which are little square grass plots, where +the turf is almost as smooth and level as the cloth of a billiard-table. +As soon as the heat of the day is over, all the company assemble there: +they play deep; and spectators are at liberty to make what bets they +please. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, long before initiated in the English games +and diversions, had been engaged in a horse-race, in which he was +indeed unsuccessful; but he had the satisfaction of being convinced by +experience, that an English horse can go twenty miles upon the high road +in less than an hour. He was more fortunate at cock-fighting; and in the +bets he made at the bowling-green, the party he betted upon never failed +to win. + +Near all these places of diversion there is usually a sort of inn, or +house of entertainment, with a bower or arbour, in which are sold all +sorts of English liquors, such as cider, mead, bottled beer, and Spanish +wines. Here the rooks meet every evening to drink, smoke, and to try +their skill upon each other, or, in other words, to endeavour to trick +one another out of the winnings of the day. These rooks are, properly +speaking, what we call capons or piqueurs, in France; men who always +carry money about them, to enable them to lend to losing gamesters, for +which they receive a gratification, which is nothing for such as play +deep, as it is only two per cent., and the money to be repaid the next +day. + +These gentlemen are so nice in their calculations, and so particularly +skilful in all manner of games, that no person would dare to enter the +lists with them, were they even assured that no unfairness would be +practised. Besides, they make a vow, to win four or five guineas a day, +and to be satisfied with that gain; a vow which they seldom or never +break. + +It was in the midst of a company of these rooks, that Hamilton found the +Chevalier de Grammont, when he called in one evening to get a glass +of cider. They were playing at hazard; and as he who holds the dice is +supposed to have the advantage, the rooks did the Chevalier de Grammont +that honour out of compliment: he had the dice in his hand when Hamilton +came into the room. The rooks, secure of their odds, were betting +against him at a high rate, and he took all. + +Hamilton could hardly believe his eyes, to see a man of his experience +and knowledge engaged in so unequal a contest; but it was to no purpose +that he informed him of his danger, both aloud in French, and in private +by signs; he still disregarded his warnings, and the dice, that bore +Caesar and his fortunes, performed a miracle in his favour. The rooks +were defeated for the first time, but not without bestowing upon him all +the encomiums and praises of being a very fair and honourable player, +which they never fail to lavish upon those whom they wish to engage +a second time; but all their commendations were lost, and their hopes +deceived: the Chevalier was satisfied with the first experiment. + +Hamilton, when the king was at supper, related to him how he found the +Chevalier de Grammont rashly engaged with the rooks, and in what manner +he had been providentially preserved. “Indeed, Sir,” said the Chevalier +de Grammont, “the rooks were discomfited for once;” and thereupon +related the adventure to his majesty in his usual way, attracting the +attention of all the company, to a circumstance trifling in itself, but +rendered interesting by his humour. + +After supper, Miss Stewart, in whose apartment there was play, called +Hamilton to her to tell the story. The Chevalier de Grammont, perceiving +that she attended to him with pleasure, was fully confirmed in the truth +of his first conjectures; and, having carried Hamilton home with him to +supper, they began to discourse freely together as usual, “George,” said +the Chevalier de Grammont, “are you in any want of money? I know you +love play: perhaps it may not be so favourable to you as it is to me. We +are at a great distance from London. Here are two hundred guineas: +take them, I beseech you; they will do to play with at Miss Stewart’s.” + Hamilton, who little expected this conclusion, was rather disconcerted. +“How! at Miss Stewart’s!” “Yes, in her apartments. Friend George,” + continued the Chevalier de Grammont, “I have not yet lost my eyes: you +are in love with her, and, if I am not mistaken, she is not offended at +it; but tell me how you could resolve to banish poor Wetenhall from your +heart, and suffer yourself to be infatuated with a girl, who perhaps +after all is not worth the other, and who besides, whatever favourable +dispositions she may have for you, will undoubtedly in the end prove +your ruin. Faith, your brother and you are two pretty fellows, in your +choice. What! can you find no other beauties in all the court to fall in +love with, except the king’s two mistresses! As for the elder brother, +I can pardon him he only took Lady Castlemaine after his master had done +with her, and after Lady Chesterfield had discarded him; but, as for +you, what the devil do you intend to do with a creature, on whom the +king seems every day to dote with increasing fondness? Is it because +that drunken sot Richmond has again come forward, and now declares +himself one of her professed admirers? You will soon see what he will +make by it: I have not forgotten what the king said to me upon the +subject. ‘Believe me, my dear friend, there is no playing tricks with +our masters; I mean, there is no ogling their mistresses.’ I myself +wanted to play the agreeable in France with a little coquette, whom +the king did not care about, and you know how dearly I paid for it. I +confess she gives you fair play, but do not trust to her. All the sex +feel an unspeakable satisfaction at having men in their train, whom they +care not for, and to use them as their slaves of state, merely to swell +their equipage. Would it not be a great deal better to pass a week or +ten days incognito at Peckham, with the philosopher Wetenhall’s wife, +than to have it inserted in the Dutch Gazette.--We hear from Bristol, +that such a one is banished the court on account of Miss Stewart, and +that he is going to make a campaign in Guinea on board the fleet that is +fitting out for the expedition, under the command of Prince Rupert.” + +Hamilton, who was the more convinced of the truth of this discourse, the +more he considered it, after musing some time, appeared to wake from a +dream, and addressing himself with an air of gratitude to the Chevalier +de Grammont: “Of all the men in the world, my dear friend,” said he, +“you have the most agreeable wit, and at the same time the clearest +judgment with respect to your friends: what you have told me has opened +my eyes. I began to suffer myself to be seduced by the most ridiculous +illusion imaginable, and to be hurried away rather by frivolous +appearances than any real inclination: to you I owe the obligation of +having preserved me from destruction at the very brink of a precipice. +This is not the only kindness you have done me, your favours have been +innumerable; and, as a proof of my gratitude for this last, I will +follow your advice, and go into retirement at my cousin Wetenhall’s, +to eradicate from my recollection every trace of those chimeras which +lately possessed my brain; but so far from going thither incognito, I +will take you along with me, as soon as the court returns to London. +My sister shall likewise be of the party; for it is prudent to use +all precautions with a man who, with a great deal of merit, on such +occasions is not over scrupulous, if we may credit your philosopher.” + “Do not pay any attention to that pedant,” replied the Chevalier de +Grammont: “but tell me what put it into your head to form a design upon +that inanimate statue, Miss Stewart?” “How the devil should I know?” + said Hamilton: “you are acquainted with all her childish amusements. The +old Lord Carlingford was at her apartment one evening, showing her +how to hold a lighted wax candle in her mouth, and the grand secret +consisted in keeping the burning end there a long time without its being +extinguished. I have, thank God, a pretty large mouth, and, in order to +out-do her teacher, I took two candles into my mouth at the same time, +and walked three times round the room without their going out. Every +person present adjudged me the prize of this illustrious experiment, +and Killegrew maintained that nothing but a lanthorn could stand in +competition with me. Upon this she was like to die with laughing; +and thus was I admitted into the familiarity of her amusements. It is +impossible to deny her being one of the most charming creatures that +ever was: since the court has been in the country, I have had an hundred +opportunities of seeing her, which I had not before. You know that the +dishabille of the bath is a great convenience for those ladies, who, +strictly adhering to all the rules of decorum, are yet desirous to +display all their charms and attractions. Miss Stewart is so fully +acquainted with the advantages she possesses over all other women, that +it is hardly possible to praise any lady at court for a well-turned +arm, and a fine leg, but she is ever ready to dispute the point by +demonstration; and I really believe, that, with a little address, +it would not be difficult to induce her to strip naked, without ever +reflecting upon what she was doing. After all, a man must be very +insensible to remain unconcerned and unmoved on such happy occasions; +and, besides, the good opinion we entertain of ourselves is apt to make +us think a woman is smitten, as soon as she distinguishes us by habitual +familiarity, which most commonly signifies nothing. This is the truth of +the matter with respect to myself: my own presumption, her beauty, the +brilliant station that sets it off, and a thousand kind things she had +said to me, prevented me from making serious reflections; but then, as +some excuse for my folly, I must likewise tell you, that the facility +I found in making her the tenderest declarations by commending her, and +her telling me in confidence a thousand things which she ought not to +have entrusted me with, might have deceived or infatuated any other man +as well as myself. + +“I presented her with one of the prettiest horses in England. You know +what peculiar grace and elegance distinguish her on horseback. The king, +who, of all the diversions of the chase, likes none but hawking, because +it is the most convenient for the ladies, went out the other day to take +this amusement, attended by all the beauties of his court. His majesty +having galloped after a falcon, and the whole bright squadron after him, +the rustling of Miss Stewart’s petticoats frightened her horse, which +was at full speed, endeavouring to come up with mine, that had been his +companion; so that I was the only witness of a disorder in her clothes, +which displayed a thousand new beauties to my view. I had the good +fortune to make such gallant and flattering exclamations upon +that charming disorder as to prevent her being concerned or out of +countenance upon it: on the contrary, this subject of my admiration has +been frequently since the subject of our conversation, and did not seem +to displease her. + +“Old Lord Carlingford, and that mad fellow, Crofts (for I must now make +you my general confession), those insipid buffoons, were frequently +telling her some diverting stories, which passed pretty well with the +help of a few old threadbare jests, or some apish tricks in the recital, +which made her laugh heartily. As for myself, who know no stories, and +do not possess the talent of improving them by telling, if I did know +any, I was often greatly embarrassed when she desired me to tell her +one: ‘I do not know one, indeed,’ said I, one day, when she was teazing +me on the subject. ‘Invent one, then,’ said she. ‘That would be still +more difficult,’ replied I; ‘but if you will give me leave, madam, I +will relate to you a very extraordinary dream, which has, however, less +appearance of truth in it than dreams generally have.’ This excited her +curiosity, which would brook no denial. I therefore began to tell +her that the most beautiful creature in the world, whom I loved to +distraction, paid me a visit in my sleep. I then drew her own portrait, +with a rapturous description of all her beauties; adding, that this +goddess, who came to visit me with the most favourable intentions, did +not counteract them by any unreasonable cruelty. This was not sufficient +to satisfy Miss Stewart’s curiosity: I was obliged to relate every +particular circumstance of the kindness I experienced from this delicate +phantom; to which she was so very attentive, that she never once +appeared surprised or disconcerted at the luscious tale. On the +contrary, she made me repeat the description of the beauty, which I drew +as near as possible after her own person, and after such charms as I +imagined of beauties that were unknown to me. + +“This is, in fact, the very thing that had almost deprived me of +my senses: she knew very well that she herself was the person I was +describing: we were alone, as you may imagine, when I told her this +story; and my eyes did their utmost to persuade her that it was herself +whom I drew. I perceived that she was not in the least offended at +knowing this; nor was her modesty in the least alarmed at the relation +of a fiction, which I might have concluded in a manner still less +discreet, if I had thought proper. This patient audience made me plunge +headlong into the ocean of flattering ideas that presented themselves +to my imagination. I then no longer thought of the king, nor how +passionately fond he was of her, nor of the dangers attendant upon such +an engagement: in short, I know not what the devil I was thinking of; +but I am very certain that, if you had not been thinking for me, I might +have found my ruin in the midst of these distracted visions.” + +Not long after, the court returned to London; and from that time, some +malevolent star having gained the ascendant, every thing went cross in +the empire of Love: vexation, suspicions, or jealousies, first entered +the field, to set all hearts at variance; next, false reports, slander, +and disputes, completed the ruin of all. + +The Duchess of Cleveland had been brought to bed while the court was at +Bristol; and never before had she recovered from her lying-in with such +a profusion of charms. This made her believe that she was in a proper +state to retrieve her ancient rights over the king’s heart, if she had +an opportunity of appearing before him with this increased splendour. +Her friends being of the same opinion, her equipage was prepared for +this expedition; but the very evening before the day she had fixed on to +set out, she saw young Churchill, and was at once seized with a disease, +which had more than once opposed her projects, and which she could never +completely get the better of. + + [Churchill--Afterwards the celebrated Duke of Marlborough. He was + born midsummer-day, 1650, and died June 16, 1722. Bishop Burnet + takes notice of the discovery of this intrigue. “The Duchess of + Cleveland finding that she had lost the king, abandoned herself to + great disorders; one of which, by the artifice of the Duke of + Buckingham, was discovered by the king in person, the party + concerned leaping out of the window.”--History of his own Times, + vol. i. p. 370. This was in 1668. A very particular account of + this intrigue is to be seen in the Atalantis of Mrs. Manley, vol. + i., p. 30. The same writer, who had lived as companion to the + Duchess of Cleveland, says, in the account of her own life, that she + was an eye-witness when the duke, who had received thousands from + the duchess, refused the common civility of lending her twenty + guineas at basset.--The history of Rivella, 4th ed. 1725, p. 33. + Lord Chesterfield’s character of this noblemen is too remarkable to + be omitted. + + “Of all the men that ever I knew in my life, (and I knew him + extremely well,) the late Duke of Marlborough possessed the graces + in the highest degree, not to say engrossed them: and indeed he got + the most by them! for I will venture, (contrary to the custom of + profound historians, who always assign deep causes to great events,) + to ascribe the better half of the Duke of Marlborough’s greatness + and riches to those graces. He was eminently illiterate, wrote bad + English, and spelled it still worse. He had no share of what is + commonly called parts; that is, he had no brightness, nothing + shining in his genius. He had, most undoubtedly, an excellent good + plain understanding, with sound judgment. But these alone would + probably have raised him but something higher than they found him, + which was page to King James II.’s queen. There the graces + protected and promoted him; for while he was an ensign of the + guards, the Duchess of Cleveland, then favourite mistress to King + Charles II., struck by those very graces, gave him five thousand + pounds; with which he immediately bought an annuity for his life, of + five hundred pounds a-year, of my grandfather, Halifax; which was + the foundation of his subsequent fortune. His figure was beautiful; + but his manner was irresistible by either man or woman. It was by + this engaging, graceful manner, that he was enabled, during all his + wars, to connect the various and jarring powers of the grand + alliance, and to carry them on to the main object of the war, + notwithstanding their private and separate views, jealousies, and + wrong-headednesses. Whatever court he went to, (and he was often + obliged to go himself to some restive and refractory ones,) he as + constantly prevailed, and brought them into his measures. The + pensionary Heinsius, a venerable old minister, grown grey in + business, and who had governed the republic of the United Provinces + for more than forty years, was absolutely governed by the Duke of + Marlborough, as that republic feels to this day. He was always + cool; and nobody ever observed the least variation in his + countenance. He could refuse more gracefully than other people + could grant; and those who went away from him the most dissatisfied, + as to the substance of their business, were yet personally charmed + with him, and, in some degree, comforted by his manner. With all + his gracefulness, no man living was more conscious of his situation, + or maintained his dignity better.”--Chest. Letters, letter 136.] + +A man who, from an ensign in the guards, was raised to such a fortune, +must certainly possess an uncommon share of prudence, not to be +intoxicated with his happiness. Churchill boasted in all places of +the new favour he had received: the Duchess of Cleveland, who neither +recommended to him circumspection in his behaviour, nor in his +conversation, did not seem to be in the least concerned at his +indiscretion. Thus this intrigue was become a general topic in all +companies, when the court arrived in London, and occasioned an immense +number of speculations and reasonings: some said she had already +presented him with Jermyn’s pension, and Jacob Hall’s salary, because +the merits and qualifications of both were united in his person: others +maintained that he had too indolent an air, and too delicate a shape, +long to maintain himself in her favour; but all agreed that a man who +was the favourite of the king’s mistress, and brother to the duke’s +favourite, was in a fair way of preferment, and could not fail to make +his fortune. As a proof, the Duke of York soon after gave him a place in +his household: this was naturally to be expected; but the king, who +did not think that Lady Cleveland’s kindness to him was a sufficient +recommendation to his favour, thought proper to forbid him the court. + +This good-natured king began now to be rather peevish: nor was it +altogether without reason: he disturbed no person in their amours, and +yet others had often the presumption to encroach upon his. Lord Dorset, +first lord of the bed-chamber, had lately debauched from his service +Nell Gwyn, the actress. Lady Cleveland, whom he now no longer regarded, +continued to disgrace him by repeated infidelities with unworthy rivals, +and almost ruined him by the immense sums she lavished on her gallants; +but that which most sensibly affected him, was the late coldness +and threats of Miss Stewart. He long since had offered her all the +settlements and all the titles she could desire, until he had an +opportunity more effectually to provide for her, which she had pretended +only to decline, for fear of the scandal they might occasion, on her +being raised to a rank which would attract the public notice; but since +the return of the court, she had given herself other airs: sometimes +she was for retiring from court, to appease the continual uneasiness her +presence gave the queen: at other times it was to avoid temptations, by +which she wished to insinuate that her innocence was still preserved: +in short, the king’s heart was continually distracted by alarms, or +oppressed by humour and caprice. + +As he could not for his life imagine what Miss Stewart wished him to do, +or what she would be at, he thought upon reforming his establishment +of mistresses, to try whether jealousy was not the real occasion of her +uneasiness. It was for this reason that, after having solemnly declared +he would have nothing more to say to the Duchess of Cleveland, since her +intrigue with Churchill, he discarded, without any exception, all the +other mistresses which he had in various parts of the town. The Nell +Gwyns, the Misses Davis, and the joyous rain of singers and dancers in +his majesty’s theatre, were all dismissed. All these sacrifices were +ineffectual: Miss Stewart continued to torment, and almost to drive the +king to distraction; but his majesty soon after found out the real cause +of this coldness. + +This discovery was owing to the officious Duchess of Cleveland, who, +ever since her disgrace, had railed most bitterly against Miss Stewart +as the cause of it, and against the king’s weakness, who, for an +inanimate idiot, had treated her with so much indignity. As some of her +grace’s creatures were still in the king’s confidence, by their means +she was informed of the king’s uneasiness, and that Miss Stewart’s +behaviour was the occasion of it--and as soon as she had found the +opportunity she had so long wished for, she went directly into the +king’s cabinet, through the apartment of one of his pages called +Chiffinch. This way was not new to her. + +The king was just returned from visiting Miss Stewart, in a very ill +humour: the presence of the Duchess of Cleveland surprised him, and did +not in the least diminish it: she, perceiving this, accosted him in an +ironical tone, and with a smile of indignation. “I hope,” said she, “I +may be allowed to pay you my homage, although the angelic Stewart has +forbid you to see me at my own house. I will not make use of reproaches +and expostulations, which would disgrace myself: still less will I +endeavour to excuse frailties which nothing can justify, since your +constancy for me deprives me of all defence, considering I am the only +person you have honoured with your tenderness, who has made herself +unworthy of it by ill conduct. I come now, therefore, with no other +intent than to comfort and to condole with you upon the affliction and +grief into which the coldness, or new-fashioned chastity of the inhuman +Stewart have reduced your majesty.” These words were attended by a +fit of laughter, as unnatural and strained as it was insulting and +immoderate, which completed the king’s impatience: he had, indeed, +expected that some bitter jest would follow this preamble; but he +did not suppose she would have given herself such blustering airs, +considering the terms they were then upon; and, as he was preparing to +answer her: “be not offended,” said she, “that I take the liberty of +laughing at the gross manner in which you are imposed upon: I cannot +bear to see that such particular affectation should make you the jest of +your own court, and that you should be ridiculed with such impunity. I +know that the affected Stuart has sent you away, under pretence of some +indisposition, or perhaps some scruple of conscience; and I come to +acquaint you that the Duke of Richmond will soon be with her, if he is +not there already. I do not desire you to believe what I say, since it +might be suggested either through resentment or envy: only follow me to +her apartment, either that, no longer trusting calumny and malice, you +may honour her with a just preference, if I accuse her falsely; or, if +my information be true, you may no longer be the dupe of a pretended +prude, who makes you act so unbecoming and ridiculous a part.” + +As she ended this speech, she took him by the hand, while he was yet +undecided, and pulled him away towards her rival’s apartments. Chiffinch +being in her interest, Miss Stewart could have no warning of the visit; +and Babiani, who owed all to the Duchess of Cleveland, and who served +her admirably well upon this occasion, came and told her that the Duke +of Richmond had just gone into Miss Stewart’s chamber. It was in the +middle of a little gallery, which, through a private door, led from the +king’s apartments to those of his mistresses. The Duchess of Cleveland +wished him good night, as he entered her rival’s chamber, and retired, +in order to wait the success of the adventure, of which Babiani, who +attended the king, was charged to come and give her an account. + +It was near midnight: the king, in his way, met his mistress’s +chamber-maids, who respectfully opposed his entrance, and in a very low +voice, whispered his majesty that Miss Stewart had been very ill since +he left her: but that, being gone to bed, she was, God be thanked, in a +very fine sleep. “That I must see,” said the king, pushing her back, who +had posted herself in his way. He found Miss Stewart in bed, indeed, but +far from being asleep: the Duke of Richmond was seated at her pillow, +and in all probability was less inclined to sleep than herself. The +perplexity of the one party, and the rage of the other, were such as may +easily be imagined upon such a surprise. The king, who, of all men, was +one of the most mild and gentle, testified his resentment to the Duke +of Richmond in such terms as he had never before used. The duke was +speechless, and almost petrified: he saw his master and his king justly +irritated. The first transports which rage inspires on such occasions +are dangerous. Miss Stewart, window was very convenient for a sudden +revenge, the Thames flowing close beneath it: he cast his eyes upon it; +and, seeing those of the king more incensed and fired with indignation +than he thought his nature capable of, he made a profound bow, and +retired, without replying a single word to the vast torrent of threats +and menaces that were poured upon him. + +Miss Stewart, having a little recovered from her first surprise, instead +of justifying herself, began to talk in the most extravagant manner, and +said everything that was most capable to inflame the king’s passion and +resentment; that, if she were not allowed to receive visits from a man +of the Duke of Richmond’s rank, who came with honourable intentions, she +was a slave in a free country; that she knew of no engagement that +could prevent her from disposing of her hand as she thought proper; but, +however, if this was not permitted her in his dominions, she did not +believe that there was any power on earth that could hinder her from +going over to France, and throwing herself into a convent, to enjoy +there that tranquillity which was denied her in his court. The king, +sometimes furious with anger, sometimes relenting at her tears, and +sometimes terrified at her menaces, was so greatly agitated, that he +knew not how to answer, either the nicety of a creature who wanted to +act the part of Lucretia under his own eye, or the assurance with which +she had the effrontery to reproach him. In this suspense, love had +almost entirely vanquished all his resentments, and had nearly induced +him to throw himself upon his knees, and entreat pardon for the injury +he had done her, when she desired him to retire, and leave her in +repose, at least for the remainder of that night, without offending +those who had either accompanied him, or conducted him to her +apartments, by a longer visit. This impertinent request provoked and +irritated him to the highest degree: he went out abruptly, vowing never +to see her more, and passed the most restless and uneasy night he had +ever experienced since his restoration. + +The next day the Duke of Richmond received orders to quit the court, and +never more to appear before the king; but it seems he had not waited for +those orders, having set out early that morning for his country seat. + +Miss Stewart, in order to obviate all injurious constructions that might +be put upon the adventure of the preceding night, went and threw herself +at the queen’s feet; where, acting the new part of an innocent +Magdalen, she entreated her majesty’s forgiveness for all the sorrow and +uneasiness she might have already occasioned her. She told her majesty +that a constant and sincere repentance had induced her to contrive all +possible means for retiring from court: that this reason had inclined +her to receive the Duke of Richmond’s addresses, who had courted her +a long time; but since this courtship had caused his disgrace, and had +likewise raised a vast noise and disturbance, which perhaps might be +turned to the prejudice of her reputation, she conjured her Majesty +to take her under her protection, and endeavour to obtain the king’s +permission for her to retire into a convent, to remove at once all those +vexations and troubles her presence had innocently occasioned at court. +All this was accompanied with a proper deluge of tears. + +It is a very agreeable spectacle to see a rival prostrate at our feet, +entreating pardon, and at the same time justifying her conduct. The +queen’s heart not only relented, but she mingled her own tears with +those of Miss Stewart. After having raised her up, and most tenderly +embraced her, she promised her all manner of favour and protection, +either in her marriage, or in any other course she thought fit to +pursue, and parted from her with the firm resolution to exert all her +interest in her support; but, being a person of great judgment, the +reflections which she afterwards made, induced her to change her +opinion! + +She knew that the king’s disposition was not capable of an obstinate +constancy. She therefore judged that absence would cure him, or that a +new engagement would by degrees entirely efface the remembrance of Miss +Stewart, and that, since she could not avoid having a rival, it was more +desirable she should be one who had given such eminent proofs of her +prudence and virtue. Besides, she flattered herself that the king would +ever think himself eternally obliged to her, for having opposed +the retreat and marriage of a girl, whom at that time he loved to +distraction. This fine reasoning determined her conduct. All her +industry was employed in persuading Miss Stewart to abandon her schemes; +and what is most extraordinary in this adventure, is, that, after having +prevailed upon her to think no more either of the Duke of Richmond, or +of a nunnery, she charged herself with the office of reconciling these +two lovers. + +Indeed it would have been a thousand pities if her negotiation had +miscarried but she did not suffer this misfortune; for never were the +king’s addresses so eager and passionate as after this peace, nor ever +better received by the fair Stewart. + +His majesty did not long enjoy the sweets of a reconciliation, which +brought him into the best good humour possible, as we shall see. All +Europe was in a profound peace, since the treaty of the Pyrenees: Spain +flattered herself she should be able to recruit, by means of the new +alliance she had contracted with the most formidable of her neighbours; +but despaired of being able to support the shattered remains of a +declining monarchy, when she considered the age and infirmities of +her prince, or the weakness of his successor: France, on the contrary, +governed by a king indefatigable in business, young, vigilant, and +ambitious of glory, wanted nothing but inclination to aggrandize +herself. + +It was about this time, that the king of France, not willing to disturb +the tranquillity of Europe, was persuaded to alarm the coasts of Africa, +by an attempt, which, if it had even been crowned with success, would +have produced little good; but the king’s fortune, ever faithful to his +glory, has since made it appear, by the miscarriage of the expedition of +Gigeri, that such projects only as were planned by himself were worthy +of his attention. + + [Gigeri is about forty leagues from Algiers. Till the year 1664 the + French had a factory there; but then attempting to build a fort on + the sea-coast, to be a check upon the Arabs, they came down from the + mountains, beat the French out of Gigeri, and demolished their fort. + Sir Richard Fanshaw, in a letter to the deputy governor of Tangier, + dated 2nd December, 1664, N.S., says, “We have certain intelligence + that the French have lost Gigheria, with all they had there, and + their fleet come back, with the loss of one considerable ship upon + the rocks near Marseilles.”--Fanshaw’s Letters, vol. i. p. 347.] + +A short time after, the king of England, having resolved also to explore +the African coasts, fitted out a squadron for an expedition to Guinea, +which was to be commanded by Prince Rupert. Those who, from their own +experience, had some knowledge of the country, related strange and +wonderful stories of the dangers attendant upon this expedition that +they would have to fight not only the inhabitants of Guinea, a hellish +people, whose arrows were poisoned, and who never gave their prisoners +better quarter than to devour them, but that they must likewise endure +heats that were insupportable, and rains that were intolerable, every +drop of which was changed into a serpent: that, if they penetrated +farther into the country, they would be assaulted by monsters a thousand +times more hideous and destructive than all the beasts mentioned in the +Revelations. + +But all these reports were vain and ineffectual: for so far from +striking terror into those who were appointed to go upon this +expedition, it rather acted as an incentive to glory, upon those who +had no manner of business in it. Jermyn appeared among the foremost of +those; and, without reflecting that the pretence of his indisposition +had delayed the conclusion of his marriage with Miss Jennings, he +asked the duke’s permission, and the king’s consent to serve in it as a +volunteer. + +Some time before this, the infatuation which had imposed upon the fair +Jennings in his favour had begun to subside. All that now inclined +her to this match were the advantages of a settlement. The careless +indolence of a lover, who faintly paid his addresses to her, as it were +from custom or habit, disgusted her; and the resolution he had taken, +without consulting her, appeared so ridiculous in him, and so injurious +to herself, that, from that moment, she resolved to think no more +of him. Her eyes being opened by degrees, she saw the fallacy of the +splendour, which had at first deceived her; and the renowned Jermyn was +received according to his real merit when he came to acquaint her with +his heroical project. There appeared so much indifference and ease in +the raillery with which she complimented him upon his voyage, that he +was entirely disconcerted, and so much the more so, as he had prepared +all the arguments he thought capable of consoling her, upon announcing +to her the fatal news of his departure. She told him, “that nothing +could be more glorious for him, who had triumphed over the liberty of so +many persons in Europe, than too and extend his conquests in other parts +of the world; and that she advised him to bring home with him all the +female captives he might make in Africa, in order to replace those +beauties whom his absence would bring to the grave.” + +Jermyn was highly displeased that she should be capable of raillery in +the condition he supposed her reduced to; but he soon perceived she was +in earnest: she told him, that she considered this farewell visit as +his last, and desired him not to think of making her any more before his +departure. + +Thus far everything went well on her side: Jermyn was not only +confounded at having received his discharge in so cavalier a manner; +but this very demonstration of her indifference had revived, and even +redoubled, all the love and affection he had formerly felt for her. +Thus she had both the pleasure of despising him, and of seeing him more +entangled in the chains of love than he had ever been before. This +was not sufficient: she wished still farther, and very unadvisedly, to +strain her resentment. + +Ovid’s Epistles,--[This is the translation of Ovid’s Epistles +published by Mr. Dryden. The second edition of it was printed in +1681.]--translated into English verse by the greatest wits at court, +having lately been published, she wrote a letter from a shepherdess in +despair, addressed to the perfidious Jermyn. She took the epistle +of Ariadne to Theseus for her model. The beginning of this letter +contained, word for word, the complaints and reproaches of that injured +fair to the cruel man by whom she had been abandoned. All this was +properly adapted to the present times and circumstances. It was her +design to have closed this piece with a description of the toils, +perils, and monsters, that awaited him in Guinea, for which he quitted +a tender mistress, who was plunged into the abyss of misery, and was +overwhelmed with grief and despair; but not having had time to finish +it, nor to get that which she had written transcribed, in order to send +it to him under a feigned name, she inconsiderately put this fragment, +written in her own hand, into her pocket, and, still more giddily, +dropped it in the middle of the court. Those who took it up, knowing her +writing, made several copies of it, which were circulated all over the +town; but her former conduct had so well established the reputation +of her virtue, that no person entertained the smallest doubt but the +circumstances were exactly as we have related them. Some time after, the +Guinea expedition was laid aside for reasons that are universally known, +and Miss Jenning’s subsequent proceedings fully justified her letter; +for, notwithstanding all the efforts and attentions Jermyn practised to +regain her affections, she would never more hear of him. + +But he was not the only man who experienced the whimsical fatality, that +seemed to delight in disuniting hearts, in order to engage them soon +after to different objects. One would have imagined that the God of +Love, actuated by some new caprice, had placed his empire under the +dominion of Hymen, and had, at the same time, blind-folded that God, in +order to cross-match most of the lovers whom we have been speaking of’ + +The fair Stewart married the Duke of Richmond; the invincible Jermyn, a +silly country girl; Lord Rochester, a melancholy heiress; the sprightly +Temple, the serious Lyttleton; Talbot, without knowing why or wherefore, +took to wife the languishing Boynton; George Hamilton, under more +favourable auspices, married the lovely Jennings; and the Chevalier de +Grammont, as the reward of a constancy he had never before known, and +which he never afterwards practised, found Hymen and Love united in his +favour, and was at last blessed with the possession of Miss Hamilton. + + [After the deaths of Miss Boynton and of George Hamilton, Talbot + married Miss Jennings, and became afterwards Duke of Tyrconnel.] + + [“The famous Count Grammont was thought to be the original of The + Forced Marriage. This nobleman, during his stay at the court of + England, had made love to Miss Hamilton, but was coming away for + France without bringing matters to a proper conclusion. The young + lady’s brothers pursued him, and came up with him near Dover, in + order to exchange some pistol-shot with him: They called out, ‘Count + Grammont, have you forgot nothing at London?’ ‘Excuse me,’ answered + the Count, guessing their errand, ‘I forgot to marry your sister; so + lead on, and let us finish that affair.’ By the pleasantry of the + answer, this was the same Grammont who commanded at the siege of a + place, the governor of which capitulated after a short defence, and + obtained an easy capitulation. The governor then said to Monsieur + Grammont, I’ll tell you a secret--that the reason of my capitulation + was, because I was in want of powder.’ Monsieur replied, ‘And + secret for secret--the reason of my granting you such an easy + capitulation was, because I was in want of ball.”--Biog. Gallica, + vol. i., p. 202. + + Count Grammont and his lady left England in 1669. King Charles in a + letter to his sister, the Duchess of Orleans, dated 24th October, in + that year, says, “I writt to you yesterday, by the Compte de + Grammont, but I beleeve this letter will come sooner to your handes; + for he goes by the way of Diep, with his wife and family; and now + that I have named her, I cannot chuse but againe desire you to be + kinde to her; for, besides the merrit her family has on both sides, + she is as good a creature as ever lived. I beleeve she will passe + for a handsome woman in France, though she has not yett, since her + lying-inn, recovered that good shape she had before, and I am + affraide never will.”--Dalxymple’s Memoirs, vol. ii. p. 26. + + “The Count de Grammont fell dangerously ill in the year 1696; of + which the king (Louis XIV.) being informed, and knowing, besides, + that he was inclined to libertinism, he was pleased to send the + Marquis of Dangeau to see how he did, and to advise him to think of + God. Hereupon Count de Grammont, turning towards his wife, who had + ever been a very devout lady, told her, Countess, if you don’t look + to it, Dangeau will juggle you out of my conversion. Madame de + l’Enclos having afterwards written to M. de St Evremond that Count + de Grammont was recovered, and turned devout,--I have learned, + answered he to her, with a great deal of pleasure, that Count de + Grammont has recovered his former health, and acquired a new + devotion. Hitherto I have been contented with being a plain honest + man; but I must do something more; and I only wait for your example + to become a devotee. You live in a country where people have + wonderful advantages of saving their souls, there vice is almost as + opposite to the mode as to virtue; sinning passes for ill-breeding, + and shocks decency and good manners, as much as religion, Formerly + it was enough to be wicked; now one must be a scoundrel withal, to + be damned in France. They who have not regard enough for another + life, are led to salvation by the consideration and duties of this.” + --“But there is enough upon a subject in which the conversion of the + Count de Grammont has engaged me: I believe it to be sincere and + honest. It well becomes a man who is not young, to forget he has + been so.”--Life of St. Evremond, by Des Marzeaux, p. 136; and St. + Evremond’s Works, vol. ii. p. 431.] + + + + + PG EDITOR’S BOOKMARKS: + + All day poring over his books, and went to bed soon + Ambition to pass for a wit, only established her tiresome + An affectation of purity of manners + As all fools are who have good memories + Better memory for injuries than for benefits + Better to know nothing at all, than to know too much + Better to partake with another than to have nothing at all + Busy without consequence + By a strange perversion of language, styled, all men of honour + Despising everything which was not like themselves + Devote himself to his studies, than to the duties of matrimony + Duke would see things if he could + Embellish the truth, in order to enhance the wonder + Entreating pardon, and at the same time justifying her conduct + Envy each other those indulgences which themselves refuse + Every thing that is necessary is honourable in politics + Four dozen of patches, at least, and ten ringlets of hair + Good attendants, but understood cheating still better + Great earnestness passed for business + Grew so fat and plump that it was a blessing to see her + Hardly possible for a woman to have less wit, or more beauty + He had no sentiments but such as others inspired him with + He talked eternally, without saying anything + He as little feared the Marquis as he loved him + His mistress given him by his priests for penance + How I must hate you, if I did not love you to distraction + Impenetrable stupidity (passed) for secrecy + Impertinent compliments + Life, in his opinion, was too short to read all sorts of books + Long habit of suffering himself to be robbed by his domestics + Maxim of all jealous husbands + Never felt the pressure of indigence + Not disagreeable, but he had a serious contemplative air + Not that he wanted capacity, but he was too self-sufficient + Obstinate against all other advices + Offended that his good fortune raised him no rivals + One amour is creditable to a lady + Possessed but little raillery, and still less patience + Public is not so easily deceived as some people imagine + Public grows familiar with everything by habit + Reasons of state assume great privileges + Resolved to renounce the church for the salvation of my soul + She just said what she ought, and no more + So weak as to transform your slave into your tyrant + Terrible piece of furniture for the country (educated girl) + The shortest follies are the best + There are men of real merit, or pretenders to it + They can by no means bear the inconstancy of their mistresses + Those who open a book merely to find fault + Very willing to accept, but was tardy in making returns + Wealth was necessary for the conveniencies of a long life + What jealousy fears, and what it always deserves + What a glory would it be to have a Cato for a husband + Would have been criminal even in chastity to spare (her husband) + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Memoirs of Count Grammont, Complete, by +Anthony Hamilton + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COUNT GRAMMONT *** + +***** This file should be named 5416-0.txt or 5416-0.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/5/4/1/5416/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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