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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/5416-0.txt b/5416-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9af6744 --- /dev/null +++ b/5416-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,10592 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Memoirs of Count Grammont, Complete, by +Anthony Hamilton + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Memoirs of Count Grammont, Complete + +Author: Anthony Hamilton + +Editor: Sir Walter Scott + +Release Date: April, 2004 [EBook #5416] +Posting Date: August 23, 2016 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COUNT GRAMMONT *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +MEMOIRS OF COUNT GRAMMONT + +By Anthony Hamilton + +Edited, With Notes, By Sir Walter Scott + + + +CONTENTS: + + BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH OF ANTHONY HAMILTON + + CHAPTER FIRST. + INTRODUCTION + + CHAPTER SECOND. + ARRIVAL OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT AT THE SIEGE OF TRINO, + AND THE LIFE HE LED THERE + + CHAPTER THIRD. + EDUCATION AND ADVENTURES OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT BEFORE + HIS COMING TO THE SIEGE OF TRINO + + CHAPTER FOURTH. + HIS ARRIVAL AT THE COURT OF TURIN, AND HOW HE SPENT HIS TIME THERE + + CHAPTER FIFTH. + HE RETURNS TO THE COURT OF FRANCE--HIS ADVENTURES AT THE SIEGE OF + ARRAS--HIS REPLY TO CARDINAL MAZARIN--HE IS BANISHED THE COURT + + CHAPTER SIXTH. + HIS ARRIVAL AT THE ENGLISH COURT--THE VARIOUS PERSONAGES OF + THIS COURT + + CHAPTER SEVENTH. + HE FALLS IN LOVE WITH MISS HAMILTON--VARIOUS ADVENTURES AT THE BALL + IN THE QUEEN’S DRAWING-ROOM--CURIOUS VOYAGE OF HIS VALET-DE-CHAMBRE + TO AND FROM PARIS + + CHAPTER EIGHTH. + FUNNY ADVENTURE OF THE CHAPLAIN POUSSATIN--THE STORY OF THE SIEGE OF + LERIDA--MARRIAGE OF THE DUKE OF YORK, AND OTHER DETAILS ABOUT THE + ENGLISH COURT + + CHAPTER NINTH. + VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT + + CHAPTER TENTH. + OTHER LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT + + CHAPTER ELEVENTH. + RETURN OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT TO FRANCE--HE IS SENT BACK TO + ENGLAND--VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THIS COURT, AND MARRIAGE OF MOST + OF THE HEROES OF THESE MEMOIRS + + + + +BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH OF ANTHONY HAMILTON. + + +Anthony Hamilton, the celebrated author of the Grammont Memoirs, much +cannot now be with certainty known. + + [For uniformity’s sake the writer of this sketch has followed the + Memoirs in the spelling of this name; but he thinks it necessary to + observe that it should be Gramont, not Grammont.] + +The accounts prefixed to the different editions of his works, down to +the year 1805, are very imperfect; in that year a new, and, in general, +far better edition than any of the preceding ones, was published in +Paris, to which a sketch of his life was also added; but it contains +rather just criticisms on his works, than any very novel or satisfactory +anecdote concerning himself. It is not pretended here to gratify +literary curiosity as fully as it ought to be, with regard to this +singular and very ingenious man; some effort, however, may be made to +communicate a few more particulars relative to him, than the public has +hitherto, perhaps, been acquainted with. + +Anthony Hamilton was of the noble family of that name: Sir George +Hamilton, his father, was a younger son of James, Earl of Abercorn, a +native of Scotland. His mother was daughter of Lord Thurles, and +sister to James, the first Duke of Ormond; his family and connections +therefore, on the maternal side, were entirely Irish. He was, as well as +his brothers and sisters, born in Ireland, it is generally said, about +the year 1646; but there is some reason to imagine that it was three or +four years earlier. The place of his birth, according to the best family +accounts, was Roscrea, in the county of Tipperary, the usual residence +of his father when not engaged by military or public business. + + [In September, 1646, Owen O’Neale took Roscrea, and, as Carte says, + “put man, woman, and child to the sword, except Sir George + Hamilton’s lady, sister to the Marquis of Ormond, and some few + gentlewomen whom he kept prisoners.” No family suffered more in + those disastrous times than the house of Ormond. Lady Hamilton died + in August, 1680, as appears from an interesting and affecting letter + of her brother, the Duke of Ormond, dated Carrick, August 25th. He + had lost his noble son, Lord Ossory, not three weeks before.] + +It has been always said, that the family migrated to France when Anthony +was an infant; but this is not the fact: “Sir George Hamilton,” says +Carte, “would have accompanied his brother-in-law, the Marquis of +Ormond, to France, in December, 1650: but, as he was receiver-general +in Ireland, he stayed to pass his accounts, which he did to the +satisfaction of all parties, notwithstanding much clamour had been +raised against him.” When that business was settled, he, in the spring +of 1651, took Lady Hamilton and all his family to France, and resided +with Lord and Lady Ormond, near Caen, in Normandy, in great poverty +and distress, till the Marchioness of Ormond, a lady whose mind was as +exalted as her birth, went over to England, and, after much solicitation +obtained two thousand pounds a year from her own and, her husband’s +different estates in Ireland. + + [Hence possibly Voltaire’s mistake in stating that Hamilton was born + at Caen, in his Catalogue des Ecrivains du Siecle de Louis XIV.] + +This favour was granted her by Cromwell, who always professed the +greatest respect for her. The Marchioness resided in Ireland, with the +younger part of her family, from 1655 till after the Restoration; while +the Marquis of Ormond continued for a considerable part of that +period with his two sisters, Lady Clancarty and Lady Hamilton, at the +Feuillatines, in the Faubourg St. Jacques, in Paris. + +It appears from a letter of the Marquis to Sir Robert Southwell, that, +although he himself was educated in the Protestant religion, not only +his father and mother, but all his brothers and sisters, were bred, and +always continued, Roman Catholics. Sir George Hamilton also, according +to Carte, was a Roman Catholic; Anthony, therefore, was bred in the +religion of his family, and conscientiously adhered to it through life. + + [That historian states that the king (Charles I.) deprived several + papists of their military commissions, and, among others, Sir George + Hamilton, who, notwithstanding, served him with loyalty and + unvarying fidelity.] + +He entered early into the army of Louis XIV., as did his brothers +George, Richard, and John, the former of whom introduced the company of +English gens d’armes into France, in 1667, according to Le Pere Daniel, +author of the History of the French Army, who adds the following short +account of its establishment: Charles II., being restored to his throne, +brought over to England several catholic officers and soldiers, who +had served abroad with him and his brother, the Duke of York, and +incorporated them with his guards; but the parliament having obliged him +to dismiss all officers who were Catholics, the king permitted George +Hamilton to take such as were willing to accompany him to France, where +Louis XIV. formed them into a company of gens d’armes, and being +highly pleased with them, became himself their captain, and made George +Hamilton their captain-lieutenant:--[They were composed of English, +Scotch, and Irish.] Whether Anthony belonged to this corps I know not; +but this is certain, that he distinguished himself particularly in +his profession, and was advanced to considerable posts in the French +service. + +Anthony Hamilton’s residence was now almost constantly in France. Some +years previous to this he had been much in England, and, towards +the close of Charles II.’s reign, in Ireland, where so many of his +connections remained. When James II. succeeded to the throne, the door +being then opened to the Roman Catholics, he entered into the Irish +army, where we find him, in 1686, a lieutenant-colonel in Sir Thomas +Newcomen’s regiment. That he did not immediately hold a higher rank +there, may perhaps be attributed to the recent accession of the king, +his general absence from Ireland, the advanced age of his uncle, the +Duke of Ormond, and, more than all, perhaps, to his Grace’s early +disapprobation of James’s conduct in Ireland, which displayed itself +more fully afterwards, especially in the ecclesiastical promotions. + +Henry, Earl of Clarendon, son to the lord-chancellor, was at that time +lord-lieutenant of Ireland, and appears, notwithstanding his general +distrust and dislike of the Catholics, to have held Anthony Hamilton in +much estimation: he speaks of his knowledge of, and constant attention +to, the duties of his profession; his probity, and the dependance that +was to be placed on him, in preference to others of the same religious +persuasion, and, in October, 1686, wrote to the Earl of Sunderland +respecting him, as follows: “I have only this one thing more to trouble +your lordship with at present, concerning Colonel Anthony Hamilton, +to get him a commission to command as colonel, though he is but +lieutenant-colonel to Sir Thomas Newcomen, in regard of the commands he +has had abroad: and I am told it is often done in France, which makes +me hope it will not be counted an unreasonable request. I would likewise +humbly recommend to make Colonel Anthony Hamilton a privy-councillor +here.” Lord Clarendon’s recommendations were ultimately successful: +Hamilton was made a privy-councillor in Ireland, and had a pension of +L200 a year on the Irish establishment; and was appointed governor +of Limerick, in the room of Sir William King, notwithstanding he had +strongly opposed the new-modelling of the army by the furious Tyrconnel. +In the brief accounts which have been given of his life, it is said that +he had a regiment of infantry; but, though this is very probable, +there is no mention whatever of his commanding a regiment in the lists +published of King James’s army, which are supposed to be very accurate: +he is indeed set down among the general officers. Lord Clarendon, in one +of his letters to the lord-treasurer, states, “That the news of the day +was, that Colonel Russell was to be lieutenant-colonel to the Duke +of Ormond’s regiment, and that Colonel Anthony Hamilton was to have +Russell’s regiment, and that Mr. Luttrell was to be lieutenant-colonel +to Sir Thomas Newcomen, in the place of Anthony Hamilton.” It is not +known whether Anthony was present at the battle of the Boyne, or of +Aughrim: his brother John was killed at the latter; and Richard, who +was a lieutenant-general, led on the cavalry with uncommon gallantry and +spirit at the Boyne it is to be wished that his candour and integrity +had equalled his courage; but, he acted with great duplicity; and King +William’s contemptuous echoing back his word to him, when he declared +something on his honour, is well known: He is frequently mentioned +by Lord Clarendon, but by no means with the same approbation as his +brother. After the total overthrow of James’s affairs in Ireland, the +two brothers finally quitted these kingdoms, and retired to France. +Richard lived much with the Cardinal de Bouillon, who was the great +protector of the Irish in France, and kept (what must have been indeed +highly consolatory to many an emigrant of condition) a magnificent +table, which has been recorded in the most glowing and grateful terms, +by that gay companion, and celebrated lover of good cheer, Philippe de +Coulanges, who occasionally mentions the “amiable Richard Hamilton” as +one of the cardinal’s particular intimates. Anthony, who was regarded +particularly as a man of letters and elegant talents, resided almost +entirely at St. Germain: solitary walks in the forest of that place +occupied his leisure hours in the morning; and poetical pursuits, or +agreeable society, engaged the evening: but much of his time seems to +have rolled heavily along; his sister, Madame de Grammont, living +more at court, or in Paris, than always suited his inclinations or his +convenience. His great resource at St. Germain was the family of the +Duke of Berwick (son of James II.): that nobleman appears to have been +amiable in private life, and his attachment to Hamilton was steady and +sincere. The Duchess of Berwick was also his friend. It is necessary to +mention this lady particularly, as well as her sisters: they were the +daughters of Henry Bulkeley, son to the first viscount of that name: +their father had been master of the household to Charles: their mother +was Lady Sophia Stewart, sister to the beautiful Duchess of Richmond, +so conspicuous in the Grammont Memoirs. The sisters of the Duchess of +Berwick were Charlotte, married to Lord Clare, Henrietta, and Laura. +They all occupy a considerable space in Hamilton’s correspondence, and +the two last are the ladies so often addressed as the Mademoiselles B.; +they are almost the constant subjects of Hamilton’s verses; and it is +recorded that he was a particular admirer of Henrietta Bulkeley; but +their union would have been that of hunger and thirst, for both were +very poor and very illustrious: their junction would, of course, have +militated against every rule of common prudence. To the influence of +this lady, particularly, we are indebted for one or two of Hamilton’s +agreeable novels: she had taste enough to laugh at the extravagant +stories then so much in fashion, “plus arabes qu’en Arabie,” as Hamilton +says; and he, in compliance with her taste, and his own, soon put +the fashionable tales to flight, by the publication of the ‘Quatre +Facardins’, and, more especially, ‘La Fleur d’Epine’. + + [They were wretched imitations of some of the Persian and Arabian + tales, in which everything was distorted, and rendered absurd and + preposterous.] + +Some of the introductory verses to these productions are written with +peculiar ease and grace; and are highly extolled, and even imitated, by +Voltaire. La Harpe praises the Fleur d’Epine, as the work of an original +genius: I do not think, however, that they are much relished in +England, probably because very ill translated. Another of his literary +productions was the novel called Le Belier, which he wrote on the +following occasion: Louis XIV. had presented to the Countess of Grammont +(whom he highly esteemed) a remarkably elegant small country house in +the park of Versailles: this house became so fashionable a resort, and +brought such constant visitors, that the Count de Grammont said, in his +usual way, he would present the king with a list of all the persons he +was obliged to entertain there, as more suited to his Majesty’s purse +than his own: the countess wished to change the name of the place +from the vulgar appellation of Le Moulineau into that of Pentalie: and +Hamilton, in his novel, wrote a history of a giant, an enchantment, and +a princess, to commemorate her resolution. It has however happened that +the giant Moulineau has had the advantage in the course of time; for +the estate, which is situated near Meudon, upon the Seine, retains its +original and popular designation. + +About the year 1704, Hamilton turned his attention to collecting +the memoirs of his brother-in-law, the Count de Grammont, as we may +conjecture, from the epistle beginning “Honneur des rives eloignees” + being written towards the close of the above year: it is dated, or +supposed to be so, from the banks of the Garonne. Among other authors +whom Hamilton at first proposes to Grammont, as capable of writing +his life (though, on reflection, he thinks them not suited to it), is +Boileau, whose genius he professes to admire; but adds that his muse has +somewhat of malignity; and that such a muse might caress with one hand +and satirize him with the other. This letter was sent by Hamilton to +Boileau, who answered him with great politeness; but, at the same time +that he highly extolled the epistle to Grammont, he, very naturally, +seemed anxious to efface any impression which such a representation of +his satiric vein might make on the Count’s mind, and accordingly added +a few complimentary verses to him: this letter is dated, Paris, 8th +February, 1705. About the same time, another letter was written to +Hamilton on the subject of the Epistle to Grammont, by La Chapelle, who +also seemed desirous that his life should be given to the public, but +was much perplexed which of the most celebrated ancients to compare the +count to. Mecaenas first presented himself to his imagination: absurdly +enough, in my opinion; for there was not a trace of similitude between +the two characters. This, however, afforded him some opportunity, as he +thought, of discovering a resemblance between Horace and Hamilton, in +which he equally failed. Petronius is then brought forward, as affording +some comparison to the Count;--a man of pleasure, giving up the day to +sleep, and the night to entertainment; but then, adds La Chapelle, it +will be suggested that, such is the perpetual activity of the Count of +Grammont’s mind, he may be said to sleep neither night nor day; and if +Petronius died, the Count seems determined never to die at all. (He was +at this time about eighty-five years of age.) It may well be supposed +that all this, though now perfectly vapid and uninteresting, was +extremely flattering to Grammont; and the result was, that he very much +wished to have his life, or part of it, at least, given to the public. +Hamilton, who had been so long connected with him, and with whose +agreeable talents he was now so familiarized, was, on every account, +singled out by him as the person who could best introduce him +historically to the public. It is ridiculous to mention Grammont as the +author of his own Memoirs: his excellence, as a man of wit, was entirely +limited to conversation. Bussy Rabutin, who knew him perfectly, states +that he wrote almost worse than any one. If this was said, and very +truly, of him in his early days, it can hardly be imagined that he +would, when between eighty and ninety years of age, commence a regular, +and, in point of style, most finished composition. Besides, independent +of everything else, what man would so outrage all decorum as to call +himself the admiration of the age? for so is Grammont extolled in the +Memoirs, with a variety of other encomiastic expressions; although, +perhaps, such vanity has not been without example. Hamilton, it is +true, says that he acts as Grammont’s secretary, and only holds the pen, +whilst the Count dictates to him such particulars of his life as were +the most singular, and least known. This is said with great modesty, +and, as to part of the work, perhaps with great truth: it requires, +however, some explanation. Grammont was more than twenty years older +than Hamilton; consequently, the earlier part of his life could +only have been known, or was best known, to the latter from repeated +conversations, and the long intimacy which subsisted between them. +Whether Grammont formally dictated the events of his younger days, or +not, is of little consequence from his general character, it is probable +that he did not. However, the whole account of such adventures as he was +engaged in, from his leaving home to his interview with Cardinal Mazarin +(excepting the character of Monsieur de Senantes, and Matta, who was +well known to Hamilton), the relation of the siege of Lerida, the +description of Gregorio Brice, and the inimitable discovery of his own +magnificent suit of clothes on the ridiculous bridegroom at Abbeville; +all such particulars must have been again and again repeated to Hamilton +by Grammont, and may therefore be fairly grounded on the count’s +authority. The characters of the court of Charles II., and its history, +are to be ascribed to Hamilton: from his residence, at various times, +in the court of London, his connection with the Ormond family, not +to mention others, he must have been well acquainted with them. Lady +Chesterfield, who may be regarded almost as the heroine of the work, was +his cousin-german. + + [She was born at the castle of Kilkenny, July, 1640, as appears from + Carte’s life of her father, the Duke of Ormond.] + +But, although the history altogether was written by Hamilton, it may +not perhaps be known to every reader that Grammont himself sold the +manuscript for fifteen hundred livres; and when it was brought to +Fontenelle, then censor of the press, he refused to license it, +from respect to the character of the Count, which, he thought, was +represented as that of a gambler, and an unprincipled one too. In fact, +Grammont, like many an old gentleman, seems to have recollected the +gaieties of his youth with more complaisance than was necessary, and has +drawn them in pretty strong colours in that part of the work which is +more particularly his own. He laughed at poor Fontenelle’s scruples, and +complained to the chancellor, who forced the censor to acquiesce: the +license was granted, and the Count put the whole of the money, or the +best part of it, in his pocket, though he acknowledged the work to be +Hamilton’s. This is exactly correspondent to his general character: when +money was his object, he had little, or rather no delicacy. + +The History of Grammont may be considered as unique there is nothing +like it in any language. For drollery, knowledge of the world, various +satire, general utility, united with great vivacity of composition, +Gil Blas is unrivalled: but, as a merely agreeable book, the Memoirs +of Grammont perhaps deserve that character more than any which was +ever written: it is pleasantry throughout, pleasantry of the best +sort, unforced, graceful, and engaging. Some French critic has justly +observed, that, if any book were to be selected as affording the truest +specimen of perfect French gaiety, the Memoirs of Grammont would be +selected in preference to all others. This has a Frenchman said of the +work of a foreigner: but that foreigner possessed much genius, had lived +from his youth, not only in the best society of France, but with the +most singular and agreeable man that France could produce. Still, +however, though Grammont and Hamilton were of dispositions very +different, the latter must have possessed talents peculiarly brilliant, +and admirably adapted to coincide with, and display those of his +brother-in-law to the utmost advantage. Gibbon extols the “ease and +purity of Hamilton’s inimitable style;” and in this he is supported by +Voltaire, although he adds the censure, that the Grammont Memoirs are, +in point of materials, the most trifling; he might also in truth have +said, the most improper. The manners of the court of Charles II. were, +to the utmost, profligate and abandoned: yet in what colours have they +been drawn by Hamilton? The elegance of his pencil has rendered them +more seductive and dangerous, than if it had more faithfully copied the +originals. From such a mingled mass of grossness of language, and of +conduct, one would have turned away with disgust and abhorrence; but +Hamilton was, to use the words of his admirer, Lord Orford, “superior to +the indelicacy of the court,” whose vices he has so agreeably depicted; +and that superiority has sheltered such vices from more than half the +oblivion which would now have for ever concealed them. + +The Count de Grammont died in 1707. Some years after the publication +of his Memoirs, Hamilton was engaged in a very different work: he +translated Pope’s Essay on Criticism into French, and, as it should +seem, so much to that great poet’s satisfaction, that he wrote a +very polite letter of thanks to him, which is inserted in Pope’s +Correspondence. Hamilton’s Essay was, I believe, never printed, though +Pope warmly requested to have that permission: the reign of Louis XIV. +had now ceased; and, for several years before his death, the character +of the old court of that prince had ceased also: profligacy and gaiety +had given way to devotion and austerity. Of Hamilton’s friends and +literary acquaintance few were left: the Duke of Berwick was employed in +the field, or at Versailles: some of the ladies, however, continued at +St. Germain; and in their society, particularly that of his niece, +the Countess of Stafford (in whose name he carried on a lively +correspondence with Lady Mary Wortley Montague), he passed much of his +time. He occasionally indulged in poetical compositions, of a style +suited to his age and character; and when he was past seventy, he +wrote that excellent copy of verses, ‘Sur l’ Usage de la Vie dans +la Vieillesse’; which, for grace of style, justness, and purity of +sentiment, does honour to his memory. + +Hamilton died at St. Germain, in April, 1720, aged about seventy-four. +His death was pious and resigned. From his poem, entitled Reflections, +he appears, like some other authors, to have turned his mind, in old +age, entirely to those objects of sacred regard, which, sooner or later, +must engage the attention of every rational mind. To poetry he bids an +eternal adieu, in language which breathes no diminution of genius, at +the moment that he for ever recedes from the poetical character. But he +aspired to a better. + +Whatever were Hamilton’s errors, his general character was respectable. +He has been represented as grave, and even dull, in society; the very +reverse, in short, of what he appears in his Memoirs: but this is +probably exaggerated. Unquestionably, he had not the unequalled vivacity +of the Count de Grammont in conversation; as Grammont was, on the other +hand, inferior, in all respects, to Hamilton when the pen was in his +hand; the latter was, however, though reserved in a large society, +particularly agreeable in a more select one. Some of his letters remain, +in which he alludes to his want of that facility at impromptu which +gave such brilliancy to the conversation of some of his brother wits +and contemporaries. But, while we admit the truth of this, let it be +remembered, at the same time, that when he wrote this, he was by no +means young; that he criticised his own defects with severity; that he +was poor, and living in a court which itself subsisted on the alms of +another. Amidst such circumstances, extemporary gaiety cannot always be +found. I can suppose, that the Duchess of Maine, who laid claim to the +character of a patroness of wit, and, like many who assert such claims, +was very troublesome, very self-sufficient, and very ‘exigeante’, +might not always have found that general superiority, or even transient +lustre, which she expected in Hamilton’s society: yet, considering the +great difference of their age and situation, this circumstance will +not greatly impeach his talents for conversation. But the work of real +genius must for ever remain; and of Hamilton’s genius, the Grammont +Memoirs will always continue a beauteous and graceful monument. To +that monument may also be added, the candour, integrity, and unassuming +virtues of the amiable author. + + + + +CHAPTER FIRST. INTRODUCTION + + +As those who read only for amusement are, in my opinion, more worthy of +attention than those who open a book merely to find fault, to the former +I address myself, and for their entertainment commit the following +pages to press, without being in the least concerned about the severe +criticisms of the latter. I further declare, that the order of time and +disposition of the facts, which give more trouble to the writer than +pleasure to the reader, shall not much embarrass me in these Memoirs. +It being my design to convey a just idea of my hero, those circumstances +which most tend to illustrate and distinguish his character shall find +a place in these fragments just as they present themselves to +my imagination, without paying any particular attention to their +arrangement. For, after all, what does it signify where the portrait +is begun, provided the assemblage of the parts forms a whole which +perfectly expresses the original? The celebrated Plutarch, who treats +his heroes as he does his readers, commences the life of the one just as +he thinks fit, and diverts the attention of the other with digressions +into antiquity, or agreeable passages of literature, which frequently +have no reference to the subject; for instance, he tells us that +Demetrius Poliorcetes was far from being so tall as his father, +Antigonus; and afterwards, that his reputed father, Antigonus, was only +his uncle; but this is not until he has begun his life with a short +account of his death, his various exploits, his good and bad qualities; +and at last, out of compassion to his failings, brings forward a +comparison between him and the unfortunate Mark Antony. + +What I have said upon this subject is not meant to reflect upon this +historian, to whom, of all the ancients, we are most obliged; it is only +intended to authorize the manner in which I have treated a life far more +extraordinary than any of those he has transmitted to us. It is my part +to describe a man whose inimitable character casts a veil over those +faults which I shall neither palliate nor disguise; a man distinguished +by a mixture of virtues and vices so closely linked together as in +appearance to form a necessary dependence, glowing with the greatest +beauty when united, shining with the brightest lustre when opposed. + +It is this indefinable brilliancy, which, in war, in love, in gaming, +and in the various stages of a long life, has rendered the Count de +Grammont the admiration of his age, and the delight of every country +wherein he has displayed his engaging wit, dispensed his generosity and +magnificence, or practised his inconstancy: it is owing to this that +the sallies of a sprightly imagination have produced those admirable +bons-mots which have been with universal applause transmitted to +posterity. It is owing to this that he preserved his judgment free and +unembarrassed in the most trying situations, and enjoyed an uncommon +presence of mind and facetiousness of temper in the most imminent +dangers of war. I shall not attempt to draw his portrait: his person has +been described by Bussi and St. Evremond, authors more entertaining than +faithful. + + [Voltaire, in the age of Louis XIV., ch. 24, speaking of that + monarch, says, “even at the same time when he began to encourage + genius by his liberality, the Count de Bussi was severely punished + for the use he made of his: he was sent to the Bastile in 1664. + ‘The Amours of the Gauls’ was the pretence of his imprisonment; but + the true cause was the song in which the king was treated with too + much freedom, and which, upon this occasion, was brought to + remembrance to ruin Bussi, the reputed author of it. + + Que Deodatus est heureux, + De baiser ce bec amoureux, + Qui d’une oreille a l’autre va! + + See Deodatus with his billing dear, + Whose amorous mouth breathes love from ear to ear! + + “His works were not good enough to compensate for the mischief they + did him. He spoke his own language with purity: he had some merit, + but more conceit: and he made no use of the merit he had, but to + make himself enemies.” Voltaire adds, “Bussi was released at the + end of eighteen months; but he was in disgrace all the rest of his + life, in vain protesting a regard for Louis XIV.” Bussi died 1693. + Of St. Evremond, see note, postea.] + +The former has represented the Chevalier Grammont as artful, fickle, and +even somewhat treacherous in his amours, and indefatigable and cruel +in his jealousies. St. Evremond has used other colours to express the +genius and describe the general manners of the Count; whilst both, in +their different pictures, have done greater honour to themselves than +justice to their hero. + +It is, therefore, to the Count we must listen, in the agreeable relation +of the sieges and battles wherein he distinguished himself under another +hero; and it is on him we must rely for the truth of passages the least +glorious of his life, and for the sincerity with which he relates his +address, vivacity, frauds, and the various stratagems he practised +either in love or gaming. These express his true character, and to +himself we owe these memoirs, since I only hold the pen, while he +directs it to the most remarkable and secret passages of his life. + + + + +CHAPTER SECOND. ARRIVAL OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT AT THE SIEGE OF TRINO, +AND THE LIFE HE LED THERE + + +In those days affairs were not managed in France as at present. Louis +XIII.--[Son and successor of Henry IV. He began to reign 14th May, 1610, +and died 14th May, 1643.]--then sat upon the throne, but the Cardinal de +Richelieu, governed the kingdom; great men commanded little armies, and +little armies did great things; the fortune of great men depended solely +upon ministerial favour, and blind devotion to the will of the minister +was the only sure method of advancement. + + [Of this great minister Mr. Hume gives the following character:-- + + “Undaunted, Undaunted and implacable, prudent and active, he braved + all the opposition of the French princes and nobles in the + prosecution of his vengeance; he discovered and dissipated all their + secret cabals and conspiracies. His sovereign himself he held in + subjection, while he exalted the throne. The people, while they + lost their liberties, acquired, by means of his administration, + learning, order, discipline, and renown.”] + +Vast designs were then laying in the heart of neighbouring states the +foundation of that formidable greatness to which France has now risen: +the police was somewhat neglected; the highways were impassable by day, +and the streets by night; but robberies were committed elsewhere with +greater impunity. Young men, on their first entrance into the world, +took what course they thought proper. Whoever would, was a chevalier, +and whoever could, an abbe: I mean a beneficed abbe: dress made no +distinction between them; and I believe the Chevalier Grammont was both +the one and the other at the siege of Trino.--[Trino was taken 4th +May, 1639.]--This was his first campaign, and here he displayed those +attractive graces which so favourably prepossess, and require neither +friends nor recommendations in any company to procure a favourable +reception. The siege was already formed when he arrived, which saved him +some needless risks; for a volunteer cannot rest at ease until he has +stood the first fire: he went therefore to reconnoitre the generals, +having no occasion to reconnoitre the place. Prince Thomas commanded +the army; and as the post of lieutenant-general was not then known, Du +Plessis Pralin and the famous Viscount Turenne were his majors general. +Fortified places were treated with some respect, before a power which +nothing can withstand had found means to destroy them by dreadful +showers of bombs, and by destructive batteries of hundreds of pieces of +cannon. Before these furious storms which drive governors underground +and reduce their garrisons to powder, repeated sallies bravely repulsed, +and vigorous attacks nobly sustained, signalized both the art of the +besiegers and the courage of the besieged; consequently, sieges were of +some length, and young men had an opportunity of gaining some knowledge. +Many brave actions were performed on each side during the siege of +Trino; a great deal of fatigue was endured, and considerable losses +sustained; but fatigue was no more considered, hardships were no more +felt in the trenches, gravity was at an end with the generals, and the +troops were no longer dispirited after the arrival of the Chevalier +Grammont. Pleasure was his pursuit, and he made it universal. + +Among the officers in the army, as in all other places, there are men of +real merit, or pretenders to it. The latter endeavoured to imitate the +Chevalier Grammont in his most shining qualities, but without success; +the former admired his talents and courted his friendship. Of this +number was Matta: + + [Matta, or Matha, of whom Hamilton has drawn so striking a picture, + is said to have been of the house of Bourdeille, which had the + honour to produce Brautome and Montresor. The combination of + indolence and talent, of wit and simplicity, of bluntness and irony, + with which he is represented, may have been derived from tradition, + but could only have been united into the inimitable whole by the pen + of Hamilton. Several of his bons-mots have been preserved; but the + spirit evaporates in translation. “Where could I get this nose,” + said Madame D’Albret, observing a slight tendency to a flush in that + feature. “At the side board, Madame,” answered Matta. When the + same lady, in despair at her brother’s death, refused all + nourishment, Matta administered this blunt consolation: “If you are + resolved, madame, never again to swallow food, you do well; but if + ever you mean to eat upon any future occasion, believe me, you may + as well begin just now.” Madame Caylus, in her Souvenirs, + commemorates the simple and natural humour of Matta as rendering him + the most delightful society in the world. Mademoiselle, in her + Memoirs, alludes to his pleasantry in conversation, and turn for + deep gaming. When the Memoirs of Grammont were subjected to the + examination of Fontenelle, then censor of the Parisian press, he + refused to license them, or account of the scandalous conduct + imputed to Grammont in this party at quinze. The count no sooner + heard of this than he hastened to Fontenelle, and having joked him + for being more tender of his reputation than he was himself, the + license was instantly issued. The censor might have retorted upon + Grammont the answer which the count made to a widow who received + coldly his compliments of condolence on her husband’s death: “Nay, + madame, if that is the way you take it, I care as little about it as + you do.” He died in 1674. “Matta est mort sans confession,” says + Madame Maintenon, in a letter to her brother. Tome I., p. 67.] + +He was agreeable in his person, but still more by the natural turn of +his wit; he was plain and simple in his manners, but endued with a quick +discernment and refined delicacy, and full of candour and integrity in +all his actions. The Chevalier Grammont was not long in discovering his +amiable qualities; an acquaintance was soon formed, and was succeeded by +the strictest intimacy. + +Matta insisted that the Chevalier should take up his quarters with him; +to which he only consented on condition of equally contributing to the +expense. As they were both liberal and magnificent, at their common cost +they gave the best designed and most luxurious entertainments that had +ever yet been seen. Play was wonderfully productive at first, and the +Chevalier restored by a hundred different ways that which he obtained +only by one. The generals, being entertained by turns, admired their +magnificence, and were dissatisfied with their own officers for not +keeping such good tables and attendance. The Chevalier had the talent of +setting off the most indifferent things to advantage; and his wit was so +generally acknowledged, that it was a kind of disgrace not to submit to +his taste. To him Matta resigned the care of furnishing the table and +doing its honours; and, charmed with the general applause, persuaded +himself that nothing could be more honourable than their way of living, +and nothing more easy than to continue it; but he soon perceived that +the greatest prosperity is not the most lasting. Good living, bad +economy, dishonest servants, and ill-luck, all uniting together to +disconcert their housekeeping, their table was going to be gradually +laid aside, when the Chevalier’s genius, fertile in resources, undertook +to support his former credit by the following expedient. + +They had never yet conferred about the state of their finances, although +the steward had acquainted each, separately, that he must either receive +money to continue the expenses, or give in his accounts. One day, when +the Chevalier came home sooner than usual, he found Matta fast asleep in +an easy chair, and, being unwilling to disturb his rest, he began musing +on his project. Matta awoke without his perceiving it; and having, for +a short time, observed the deep contemplation he seemed involved in, +and the profound silence between two persons who had never held their +tongues for a moment when together before, he broke it by a sudden fit +of laughter, which increased in proportion as the other stared at him. +“A merry way of waking, and ludicrous enough,” said the Chevalier; +“what is the matter, and whom do you laugh at!” “Faith, Chevalier,” said +Matta, “I am laughing at a dream I had just now, which is so natural and +diverting, that I must make you laugh at it also. I was dreaming that we +had dismissed our maitre-d’hotel, our cook, and our confectioner, having +resolved, for the remainder of the campaign, to live upon others as +others have lived upon us: this was my dream. Now tell me, Chevalier, on +what were you musing?” “Poor fellow!” said the Chevalier, shrugging up +his shoulders, “you are knocked down at once, and thrown into the utmost +consternation and despair at some silly stories which the maitre-d’hotel +has been telling you as well as me. What! after the figure we have made +in the face of the nobility and foreigners in the army, shall we give it +up, and like fools and beggars sneak off, upon the first failure of +our money! Have you no sentiments of honour? Where is the dignity of +France?” “And where is the money?” said Matta; “for my men say, the +devil may take them, if there be ten crowns in the house, and I believe +you have not much more, for it is above a week since I have seen you +pull out your purse, or count your money, an amusement you were very +fond of in prosperity.” “I own all this,” said the Chevalier, “but yet I +will force you to confess, that you are but a mean-spirited fellow upon +this occasion. What would have become of you if you had been reduced to +the situation I was in at Lyons, four days before I arrived here? I will +tell you the story.” + + + + +CHAPTER THIRD. EDUCATION AND ADVENTURES OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT BEFORE +HIS COMING TO THE SIEGE OF TRINO + + +“This,” said Matta, “smells strongly of romance, except that it should +have been your squire’s part to tell your adventures.” + +“True,” said the Chevalier; “however, I may acquaint you with my first +exploits without offending my modesty; besides, my squire’s style +borders too much upon the burlesque for an heroic narrative. + +“You must know, then, that upon my arrival at Lyons--” + +“Is it thus you begin?” said Matta. “Pray give us your history a little +further back. The most minute particulars of a life like yours are +worthy of relation; but above all, the manner in which you first +paid your respects to Cardinal Richelieu: I have often laughed at it. +However, you may pass over the unlucky pranks of your infancy, your +genealogy, name and quality of your ancestors, for that is a subject +with which you must be utterly unacquainted.” + +“Pooh!” said the Chevalier; “you think that all the world is as ignorant +as yourself; you think that I am a stranger to the Mendores and the +Corisandes. So, perhaps I don’t know that it was my father’s own fault +that he was not the son of Henry IV. The king would by all means have +acknowledged him for his son, but the traitor would never consent to it. +See what the Grammonts would have been now, but for this cross-grained +fellow! They would have had precedence of the Caesars de Vendome. You +may laugh if you like, yet it is as true as the gospel: but let us come +to the point. + +“I was sent to the college of Pau, with the intention of being brought +up to the church; but as I had quite different views, I made no manner +of improvement: gaming was so much in my head, that both my tutor and +the master lost their labour in endeavouring to teach me Latin. Old +Brinon, who served me both as valet-de-chambre and governor, in vain +threatened to acquaint my mother. I only studied when I pleased, that is +to say, seldom or never: however, they treated me as is customary with +scholars of my quality; I was raised to all the dignities of the forms, +without having merited them, and left college nearly in the same +state in which I entered it; nevertheless, I was thought to have +more knowledge than was requisite for the abbacy which my brother had +solicited for me. He had just married the niece of a minister, to whom +every one cringed: he was desirous to present me to him. I felt but +little regret to quit the country, and great impatience to see Paris. My +brother having kept me some time with him, in order to polish me, let me +loose upon the town to shake off my rustic air, and learn the manners of +the world. I so thoroughly gained them, that I could not be persuaded +to lay them aside when I was introduced at court in the character of an +Abby. You know what kind of dress was then the fashion. All that they +could obtain of me was to put a cassock over my other clothes, and my +brother, ready to die with laughing at my ecclesiastical habit, made +others laugh too. I had the finest head of hair in the world, well +curled and powdered, above my cassock, and below were white buskins and +gilt spurs. The Cardinal, who had a quick discernment, could not help +laughing. This elevation of sentiment gave him umbrage; and he foresaw +what might be expected from a genius that already laughed at the shaven +crown and cowl. + +“When my brother had taken me home, ‘Well, my little parson,’ said he, +‘you have acted your part to admiration, and your parti-coloured dress +of the ecclesiastic and soldier has greatly diverted the court; but +this is not all: you must now choose, my little knight. Consider then, +whether, by sticking to the church, you will possess great revenues, and +have nothing to do; or, with a small portion, you will risk the loss of +a leg or arm, and be the fructus belli of an insensible court, to arrive +in your old age at the dignity of a major-general, with a glass eye and +a wooden leg.’ ‘I know,’ said I, ‘that there is no comparison between +these two situations, with regard to the conveniences of life; but, as +a man ought to secure his future state in preference to all other +considerations, I am resolved to renounce the church for the salvation +of my soul, upon condition, however, that I keep my abbacy.’ Neither the +remonstrances nor authority of my brother could induce me to change my +resolution; and he was forced to agree to this last article in order +to keep me at the academy. You know that I am the most adroit man in +France, so that I soon learned all that is taught at such places, and, +at the same time, I also learnt that which gives the finishing stroke to +a young fellow’s education, and makes him a gentleman, viz. all sorts +of games, both at cards and dice; but the truth is, I thought, at first, +that I had more skill in them than I really had, as experience proved. +When my mother knew the choice I had made, she was inconsolable; for she +reckoned, that had I been a clergyman I should have been a saint; but +now she was certain that I should either be a devil in the world, or be +killed in the wars. And indeed I burned with impatience to be a soldier; +but being yet too young, I was forced to make a campaign at Bidache--[A +principality belonging to the family of the Grammonts, in the Province +of Gascony.]--before I made one in the army. When I returned to my +mother’s house, I had so much the air of a courtier and a man of the +world, that she began to respect me, instead of chiding me for my +infatuation towards the army. I became her favourite, and finding me +inflexible, she only thought of keeping me with her as long as she +could, while my little equipage was preparing. The faithful Brinon, +who was to attend me as valet-de-chambre, was likewise to discharge the +office of governor and equerry, being, perhaps, the only Gascon who was +ever possessed of so much gravity and ill-temper. He passed his word +for my good behaviour and morality, and promised my mother that he would +give a good account of my person in the dangers of the war; but I hope +he will keep his word better as to this last article than he has done as +to the former. + +“My equipage was sent away a week before me. This was so much time +gained by my mother to give me good advice. At length, after having +solemnly enjoined me to have the fear of God before my eyes, and to love +my neighbour as myself, she suffered me to depart, under the protection +of the Lord and the sage Brinon. At the second stage we quarrelled. He +had received four hundred louis d’or for the expenses of the campaign: I +wished to have the keeping of them myself, which he strenuously opposed. +‘Thou old scoundrel,’ said I, ‘is the money thine, or was it given +thee for me? You suppose I must have a treasurer, and receive no money +without his order. I know not whether it was from a presentiment of what +afterwards happened that he grew melancholy; however, it was with +the greatest reluctance, and the most poignant anguish, that he found +himself obliged to yield. One would have thought that I had wrested +his very soul from him. I found myself more light and merry after I had +eased him of his trust; he, on the contrary, appeared so overwhelmed +with grief, that it seemed as if I had laid four hundred pounds of lead +upon his back, instead of taking away these four hundred louis. He went +on so heavily, that I was forced to whip his horse myself, and turning +to me, now and then, ‘Ah! sir,’ said he, my lady did not think it would +be so. ‘His reflections and sorrows were renewed at every stage; for, +instead of giving a shilling to the post-boy, I gave him half-a-crown. + +“Having at last reached Lyons, two soldiers stopped us at the gate of +the city, to carry us before the governor. I took one of them to conduct +me to the best inn, and delivered Brinon into the hands of the other, +to acquaint the commandant with the particulars of my journey, and my +future intentions. + +“There are as good taverns at Lyons as at Paris; but my soldier, +according to custom, carried me to a friend of his own, whose house he +extolled as having the best accommodations, and the greatest resort of +good company, in the whole town. The master of this hotel was as big as +a hogshead, his name Cerise; a Swiss by birth, a poisoner by profession, +and a thief by custom. He showed me into a tolerably neat room, and +desired to know whether I pleased to sup by myself or at the ordinary. +I chose the latter, on account of the beau monde which the soldier had +boasted of. + +“Brinon, who was quite out of temper at the many questions which the +governor had asked him, returned more surly than an old ape; and seeing +that I was dressing my hair, in order to go downstairs: ‘What are you +about now, sir?’ said he. ‘Are you going to tramp about the town? No, +no; have we not had tramping enough ever since the morning? Eat a bit +of supper, and go to bed betimes, that you may get on horseback by +day-break.’ ‘Mr. Comptroller,’ said I, ‘I shall neither tramp about +the town, nor eat alone, nor go to bed early. I intend to sup with the +company below.’ ‘At the ordinary!’ cried he; ‘I beseech you, sir, do +not think of it! Devil take me, if there be not a dozen brawling fellows +playing at cards and dice, who make noise enough to drown the loudest +thunder!’ + +“I was grown insolent since I had seized the money; and being desirous +to shake off the yoke of a governor, ‘Do you know, Mr. Brinon,’ said I, +‘that I don’t like a blockhead to set up for a reasoner? Do you go +to supper, if you please; but take care that I have post-horses ready +before daybreak.’ The moment he mentioned cards and dice, I felt the +money burn in my pocket. I was somewhat surprised, however, to find the +room where the ordinary was served filled with odd-looking creatures. My +host, after presenting me to the company, assured me that there were but +eighteen or twenty of those gentlemen who would have the honour to sup +with me. I approached one of the tables where they were playing, and +thought I should have died with laughing: I expected to have seen +good company and deep play; but I only met with two Germans playing +at backgammon. Never did two country boobies play like them; but their +figures beggared all description. The fellow near whom I stood was +short, thick, and fat, and as round as a ball, with a ruff, and +prodigious high crowned hat. Any one, at a moderate distance, would have +taken him for the dome of a church, with the steeple on the top of it. I +inquired of the host who he was. ‘A merchant from Basle,’ said he, ‘who +comes hither to sell horses; but from the method he pursues, I think he +will not dispose of many; for he does nothing but play.’ ‘Does he play +deep?’ said I. ‘Not now,’ said he; ‘they are only playing for their +reckoning, while supper is getting ready; but he has no objection to +play as deep as any one.’ ‘Has he money?’ said I. ‘As for that,’ replied +the treacherous Cerise, ‘would to God you had won a thousand pistoles of +him, and I went your halves; we should not be long without our money.’ I +wanted no further encouragement to meditate the ruin of the high-crowned +hat. I went nearer to him, in order to take a closer survey; never was +such a bungler; he made blots upon blots; God knows, I began to feel +some remorse at winning of such an ignoramus, who knew so little of the +game. He lost his reckoning; supper was served up; and I desired him +to sit next me. It was a long table, and there were at least +five-and-twenty in company, notwithstanding the landlord’s promise. The +most execrable repast that ever was begun being finished, all the crowd +insensibly dispersed, except the little Swiss, who still kept near me, +and the landlord, who placed himself on the other side of me. They +both smoked like dragoons; and the Swiss was continually saying, in bad +French, ‘I ask your pardon, sir, for my great freedom,’ at the same time +blowing such whiffs of tobacco in my face as almost suffocated me. Mr. +Cerise, on the other hand, desired he might take the liberty of asking +me whether I had ever been in his country? and seemed surprised I had so +genteel an air, without having travelled in Switzerland. + +“The little chub I had to encounter was full as inquisitive as the +other. He desired to know whether I came from the army in Piedmont; and +having told him I was going thither, he asked me, whether I had a mind +to buy any horses; that he had about two hundred to dispose of, and that +he would sell them cheap. I began to be smoked like a gammon of +bacon; and being quite wearied out, both with their tobacco and their +questions, I asked my companion if he would play for a single pistole +at backgammon, while our men were supping; it was not without great +ceremony that he consented, at the same time asking my pardon for his +great freedom. + +“I won the game; I gave him his revenge, and won again. We then played +double or quit; I won that too, and all in the twinkling of an eye; for +he grew vexed, and suffered himself to be taken in so that I began to +bless my stars for my good fortune. Brinon came in about the end of the +third game, to put me to bed, he made a great sign of the cross, but +paid no attention to the signs I made him to retire. I was forced to +rise to give him that order in private. He began to reprimand me for +disgracing myself by keeping company with such a low-bred wretch. It +was in vain that I told him he was a great merchant, that he had a great +deal of money, and that he played like a child. ‘He a merchant,’ cried +Brinon. ‘Do not believe that, sir! May the devil take me, if he is not +some conjurer.’ ‘Hold your tongue, old fool,’ said I; ‘he is no more a +conjurer than you are, and that is decisive; and, to prove it to you, I +am resolved to win four or five hundred pistoles of him before I go to +bed. With these words I turned him out, strictly enjoining him not to +return, or in any manner to disturb us. + +“The game being done, the little Swiss unbuttoned his pockets, to pull +out a new four-pistole piece, and presenting it to me, he asked my +pardon for his great freedom, and seemed as if he wished to retire. This +was not what I wanted. I told him we only played for amusement; that I +had no design upon his money; and that, if he pleased, I would play +him a single game for his four pistoles. He raised some objections; but +consented at last, and won back his money. I was piqued at it. I played +another game; fortune changed sides; the dice ran for him, he made +no more blots. I lost the game; another game, and double or quit; we +doubled the stake, and played double or quit again. I was vexed; he, +like a true gamester, took every bet I offered, and won all before him, +without my getting more than six points in eight or ten games. I asked +him to play a single game for one hundred pistoles; but as he saw I did +not stake, he told me it was late; that he must go and look after his +horses; and went away, still asking my pardon for his great freedom. The +cool manner of his refusal, and the politeness with which he took his +leave, provoked me to such a degree, that I could almost have killed +him. I was so confounded at losing my money so fast, even to the last +pistole, that I did not immediately consider the miserable situation to +which I was reduced. + +“I durst not go up to my chamber for fear of Brinon. By good luck, +however, he was tired with waiting for me, and had gone to bed. This was +some consolation, though but of short continuance. As soon as I was laid +down, all the fatal consequences of my adventure presented themselves +to my imagination. I could not sleep. I saw all the horrors of my +misfortune, without being able to find any remedy; in vain did I rack +my brain; it supplied me with no expedient. I feared nothing so much as +daybreak; however, it did come, and the cruel Brinon along with it. He +was booted up to the middle, and cracking a cursed whip, which he +held in his hand, ‘Up, Monsieur le Chevalier,’ cried he, opening the +curtains; ‘the horses are at the door, and you are still asleep. We +ought by this time to have ridden two stages; give me money to pay the +reckoning.’ ‘Brinon,’ said I, in a dejected tone, ‘draw the curtains.’ +‘What!’ cried he, ‘draw the curtains! Do you intend, then, to make your +campaign at Lyons? you seem to have taken a liking to the place. And for +the great merchant, you have stripped him, I suppose? No, no, Monsieur +le Chevalier, this money will never do you any good. This wretch has, +perhaps, a family; and it is his children’s bread that he has been +playing with, and that you have won. Was this an object to sit up all +night for? What would my lady say, if she knew what a life you lead?’ +‘M. Brinon,’ said I, ‘pray draw the curtains.’ But instead of obeying +me, one would have thought that the devil had prompted him to use the +most pointed and galling terms to a person under such misfortunes. ‘And +how much have you won?’ said he; ‘five hundred pistoles? what must the +poor man do? + +“‘Recollect, Monsieur le Chevalier, what I have said, this money will +never thrive with you. It is, perhaps, but four hundred? three? two? +well if it be but one hundred louis d’or, continued he, seeing that +I shook my head at every sum which he had named, there is no great +mischief done; one hundred pistoles will not ruin him, provided you have +won them fairly.’ ‘Friend Brinon,’ said I, fetching a deep sigh, ‘draw +the curtains; I am unworthy to see daylight’ Brinon was much affected at +these melancholy words, but I thought he would have fainted, when I told +him the whole adventure. He tore his hair, made grievous lamentations, +the burden of which still was, ‘What will my lady say?’ And, after +having exhausted his unprofitable complaints, ‘What will become of +you now, Monsieur le Chevalier?’ said he, ‘what do you intend to +do?’ ‘Nothing,’ said I, ‘for I am fit for no thing. After this, being +somewhat eased after making him my confession, I thought upon several +projects, to none of which could I gain his approbation. I would have +had him post after my equipage, to have sold some of my clothes. I was +for proposing to the horse-dealer to buy some horses of him at a high +price on credit, to sell again cheap. Brinon laughed at all these +schemes, and after having had the cruelty of keeping me upon the rack +for a long time, he at last extricated me. Parents are always stingy +towards their poor children; my mother intended to have given me five +hundred louis d’or, but she had kept back fifty, as well for some little +repairs in the abbey, as to pay for praying for me. Brinon had the +charge of the other fifty, with strict injunctions not to speak of them, +unless upon some urgent necessity. And this you see soon happened. + +“Thus you have a brief account of my first adventure. Play has hitherto +favoured me; for, since my arrival, I have had, at one time, after +paying all my expenses, fifteen hundred louis d’or. Fortune is now +again become unfavourable: we must mend her. Our cash runs low; we must, +therefore, endeavour to recruit.” + +“Nothing is more easy,” said Matta; “it is only to find out such another +dupe as the horse-dealer at Lyons; but now I think on it, has not the +faithful Brinon some reserve for the last extremity? Faith, the time is +now come, and we cannot do better than to make use of it!” + +“Your raillery would be very seasonable,” said the Chevalier, “if you +knew how to extricate us out of this difficulty. You must certainly have +an overflow of wit, to be throwing it away upon every occasion as +at present. What the devil! will you always be bantering, without +considering what a serious situation we are reduced to. Mind what I say, +I will go tomorrow to the head-quarters, I will dine with the Count de +Cameran, and I will invite him to supper.” “Where?” said Matta. “Here,” + said the Chevalier. “You are mad, my poor friend,” replied Matta. “This +is some such project as you formed at Lyons: you know we have neither +money nor credit; and, to re-establish our circumstances, you intend to +give a supper.” + +“Stupid fellow!” said the Chevalier, “is it possible, that, so long as +we have been acquainted, you should have learned no more invention? The +Count de Cameran plays at quinze, and so do I; we want money; he has +more than he knows what to do with; I will bespeak a splendid supper, he +shall pay for it. Send your maitre-d’hotel to me, and trouble yourself +no further, except in some precautions, which it is necessary to take on +such an occasion.” “What are they?” said Matta. “I will tell you,” said +the Chevalier; “for I find one must explain to you things that are as +clear as noon-day.” + +“You command the guards that are here, don’t you? As soon as night comes +on, you shall order fifteen or twenty men, under the command of your +sergeant La Place, to be under arms, and to lay themselves flat on the +ground, between this place and the head-quarters.” “What the devil!” + cried Matta, “an ambuscade? God forgive me, I believe you intend to +rob the poor Savoyard. If that be your intention, I declare I will have +nothing to say to it” “Poor devil!” said the Chevalier, “the matter is +this; it is very likely that we shall win his money. The Piedmontese, +though otherwise good fellows, are apt to be suspicious and distrustful. +He commands the horse; you know you cannot hold your tongue, and are +very likely to let slip some jest or other that may vex him. Should he +take it into his head that he is cheated, and resent it, who knows what +the consequences might be? for he is commonly attended by eight or +ten horsemen. Therefore, however he may be provoked at his loss, it is +proper to be in such a situation as not to dread his resentment.” + +“Embrace me, my dear Chevalier,” said Matta, holding his sides and +laughing; “embrace me, for thou art not to be matched. What a fool I was +to think, when you talked to me of taking precautions, that nothing more +was necessary than to prepare a table and cards, or perhaps to provide +some false dice! I should never have thought of supporting a man who +plays at quinze by a detachment of foot: I must, indeed, confess that +you are already a great soldier.” + +The next day everything happened as the Chevalier Grammont had planned +it; the unfortunate Cameran fell into the snare. They supped in the most +agreeable manner possible Matta drank five or six bumpers to drown a few +scruples which made him somewhat uneasy. The Chevalier de Grammont shone +as usual, and almost made his guest die with laughing, whom he was soon +after to make very serious; and the good-natured Cameran ate like a man +whose affections were divided between good cheer and a love of play; +that is to say, he hurried down his victuals, that he might not lose any +of the precious time which he had devoted to quinze. + +Supper being done, the sergeant La Place posted his ambuscade, and the +Chevalier de Grammont engaged his man. The perfidy of Cerise, and the +high-crowned hat, were still fresh in remembrance, and enabled him to +get the better of a few grains of remorse, and conquer some scruples +which arose in his mind. Matta, unwilling to be a spectator of violated +hospitality, sat down in an easy chair, in order to fall asleep, while +the Chevalier was stripping the poor Count of his money. + +They only staked three or four pistoles at first, just for amusement; +but Cameran having lost three or four times, he staked high, and the +game became serious. He still lost, and became outrageous; the cards +flew about the room, and the exclamations awoke Matta. + +As his head was heavy with sleep, and hot with wine, he began to laugh +at the passion of the Piedmontese, instead of consoling him. “Faith, my +poor Count,” said he, “if I were in your place, I would play no more.” + “Why so?” said the other. “I don’t know,” said he, “but my heart tells +me that your ill-luck will continue.” “I will try that,” said Cameran, +calling for fresh cards. “Do so,” said Matta, and fell asleep again. +It was but for a short time. All cards were equally unfortunate for the +loser. He held none but tens or court-cards; and if by chance he had +quinze, he was sure to be the younger hand, and therefore lost it. Again +he stormed. “Did not I tell you so?” said Matta, starting out of his +sleep. “All your storming is in vain; as long as you play you will lose. +Believe me, the shortest follies are the best. Leave off, for the devil +take me if it is possible for you to win.” “Why?” said Cameran, who +began to be impatient. “Do you wish to know?” said Matta; “why, faith, +it is because we are cheating you.” + +The Chevalier de Grammont was provoked at so ill-timed a jest, more +especially as it carried along with it some appearance of truth. “Mr. +Matta,” said he, “do you think it can be very agreeable for a man who +plays with such ill-luck as the Count to be pestered with your insipid +jests? For my part, I am so weary of the game, that I would desist +immediately, if he was not so great a loser.” Nothing is more dreaded +by a losing gamester, than such a threat; and the Count, in a softened +tone, told the Chevalier that Mr. Matta might say what he pleased, if +he did not offend him; that, as to himself, it did not give him the +smallest uneasiness. + +The Chevalier de Grammont gave the Count far better treatment than he +himself had experienced from the Swiss at Lyons; for he played upon +credit as long as he pleased; which Cameran took so kindly, that he lost +fifteen hundred pistoles, and paid them the next morning. As for Matta, +he was severely reprimanded for the intemperance of his tongue. All +the reason he gave for his conduct was, that he made it a point of +conscience not to suffer the poor Savoyard to be cheated without +informing him of it. “Besides,” said he, “it would have given me +pleasure to have seen my infantry engaged with his horse, if he had been +inclined to mischief.” + +This adventure having recruited their finances, fortune favoured them +the remainder of the campaign, and the Chevalier de Grammont, to prove +that he had only seized upon the Count’s effects by way of reprisal, +and to indemnify himself for the losses he had sustained at Lyons, began +from this time to make the same use of his money, that he has been known +to do since upon all occasions. He found out the distressed, in order to +relieve them; officers who had lost their equipage in the war, or their +money at play; soldiers who were disabled in the trenches; in short, +every one felt the influence of his benevolence: but his manner of +conferring a favour exceeded even the favour itself. + +Every man possessed of such amiable qualities must meet with success in +all his undertakings. The soldiers knew his person, and adored him. The +generals were sure to meet him in every scene of action, and sought his +company at other times. As soon as fortune declared for him, his first +care was to make restitution, by desiring Cameran to go his halves in +all parties where the odds were in his favour. + +An inexhaustible fund of vivacity and good humour gave a certain air of +novelty to whatever he either said or did. I know not on what occasion +it was that Monsieur de Turenne towards the end of the siege, commanded +a separate body. The Chevalier de Grammont went to visit him at his new +quarters, where he found fifteen or twenty officers. M. de Turenne was +naturally fond of merriment, and the Chevalier’s presence was sure +to inspire it. He was much pleased with this visit, and, by way of +acknowledgment, would have engaged him to play. The Chevalier de +Grammont, in returning him thanks, said, that he had learned from his +tutor, that when a man went to see his friends, it was neither prudent +to leave his own money behind him, nor civil to carry off theirs. +“Truly,” said Monsieur de Turenne, “you will find neither deep play nor +much money among us; but, that it may not be said that we suffered you +to depart without playing, let us stake every one a horse.” + +The Chevalier de Grammont agreed. Fortune, who had followed him to a +place where he did not think he should have any need of her, made +him win fifteen or sixteen horses, by way of joke; but, seeing some +countenances disconcerted at the loss, “Gentlemen,” said he, “I should +be sorry to see you return on foot from your general’s quarters; it will +be enough for me if you send me your horses to-morrow, except one, which +I give for the cards.” + +The valet-de-chambre thought he was bantering. “I speak seriously,” said +the Chevalier, “I give you a horse for the cards; and, what is more, +take whichever you please, except my own.” “Truly,” said Monsieur de +Turenne, “I am vastly pleased with the novelty of the thing; for I don’t +believe that a horse was ever before given for the cards.” + + +Trino surrendered at last. The Baron de Batteville, who had defended it +valiantly, and for a long time, obtained a capitulation worthy of such a +resistance. + + [This officer appears to have been the same person who was + afterwards ambassador from Spain to the court of Great Britain, + where, in the summer of 1660, he offended the French court, by + claiming precedence of their ambassador, Count d’Estrades, on the + public entry of the Swedish ambassador into London. On this + occasion the court of France compelled its rival of Spain to submit + to the mortifying circumstance of acknowledging the French + superiority. To commemorate this important victory, Louis XIV. + caused a medal to be struck, representing the Spanish ambassador, + the Marquis de Fuente, making the declaration to that king, “No + concurrer con los ambassadores des de Francia,” with this + inscription, “Jus praecedendi assertum,” and under it, “Hispaniorum + excusatio coram xxx legatis principum, 1662.” A very curious + account of the fray occasioned by this dispute, drawn up by Evelyn, + is to be seen in that gentleman’s article in the Biographia + Britannica.] + +I do not know whether the Chevalier de Grammont had any share in the +capture of this place; but I know very well, that during a more glorious +reign, and with armies ever victorious, his intrepidity and address have +been the cause of taking others since, even under the eye of his master, +as we shall see in the sequel of these memoirs. + + + + +CHAPTER FOURTH. HIS ARRIVAL AT THE COURT OF TURIN, AND HOW HE SPENT HIS +TIME THERE + + +Military glory is at most but one half of the accomplishments which +distinguish heroes. Love must give the finishing stroke, and adorn their +character by the difficulties they encounter, the temerity of their +enterprises, and finally, by the lustre of success. We have examples +of this, not only in romances, but also in the genuine histories of the +most famous warriors and the most celebrated conquerors. + +The Chevalier de Grammont and Matta, who did not think much of these +examples, were, however, of opinion, that it would be very agreeable to +refresh themselves after the fatigues of the siege of Trino, by forming +some other sieges, at the expense of the beauties and the husbands of +Turin. As the campaign had finished early, they thought they should have +time to perform some exploits before the bad weather obliged them to +repass the mountains. + +They sallied forth, therefore, not unlike Amadis de Gaul or Don +Galaor after they had been dubbed knights, eager in their search after +adventures in love, war and enchantments. They were greatly superior +to those two brothers, who only knew how to cleave in twain giants, to +break lances, and to carry off fair damsels behind them on horseback, +without saying a single word to them; whereas our heroes were adepts at +cards and dice, of which the others were totally ignorant. + +They went to Turin, met with an agreeable reception, and were greatly +distinguished at court. Could it be otherwise? They were young and +handsome; they had wit at command, and spent their money liberally. +In what country will not a man succeed, possessing such advantages? As +Turin was at that time the seat of gallantry and of love, two strangers +of this description, who were always cheerful, brisk and lively, could +not fail to please the ladies of the court. + +Though the men of Turin were extremely handsome, they were not, however, +possessed of the art of pleasing. They treated their wives with respect, +and were courteous to strangers. Their wives, still more handsome, were +full as courteous to strangers, and less respectful to their husbands. + +Madame Royale, a worthy daughter of Henry IV., rendered her little court +the most agreeable in the world. She inherited such of her father’s +virtues as compose the proper ornament of her sex; and with regard to +what are termed the foibles of great souls, her highness had in no wise +degenerated. + +The Count de Tanes was her prime minister. It was not difficult to +conduct affairs of state during his administration. No complaints +were alleged against him; and the princess, satisfied with his conduct +herself, was, above all, glad to have her choice approved by her whole +court, where people lived nearly according to the manners and customs of +ancient chivalry. + +The ladies had each a professed lover, for fashion’s sake, besides +volunteers, whose numbers were unlimited. The declared admirers wore +their mistresses’ liveries, their arms, and sometimes even took their +names. Their office was, never to quit them in public, and never to +approach them in private; to be their squires upon all occasions, and, +in jousts and tournaments, to adorn their lances, their housings, and +their coats, with the cyphers and the colours of their dulcineas. + +Matta was far from being averse to gallantry; but would have liked it +more simple than as it was practised at Turin. The ordinary forms would +not have disgusted him; but he found here a sort of superstition in +the ceremonies and worship of love, which he thought very inconsistent: +however, as he had submitted his conduct in that matter to the direction +of the Chevalier de Grammont, he was obliged to follow his example, and +to conform to the customs of the country. + +They enlisted themselves at the same time in the service of two +beauties, whose former squires gave them up immediately from motives +of politeness. The Chevalier de Grammont chose Mademoiselle de +Saint-Germain, and told Matta to offer his services to Madame de +Senantes. Matta consented, though he liked the other better; but the +Chevalier de Grammont persuaded him that Madame de Senantes was more +suitable for him. As he had reaped advantage from the Chevalier’s +talents in the first projects they had formed, he resolved to follow his +instructions in love, as he had done his advice in play. + +Mademoiselle de Saint-Germain was in the bloom of youth; her eyes were +small, but very bright and sparkling, and, like her hair, were black; +her complexion was lively and clear, though not fair: she, had an +agreeable mouth, two fine rows of teeth, a neck as handsome as one could +wish, and a most delightful shape; she had a particular elegance in her +elbows, which, however, she did not show to advantage; her hands were +rather large and not very white; her feet, though not of the smallest, +were well shaped; she trusted to Providence, and used no art to set off +those graces which she had received from nature; but, notwithstanding +her negligence in the embellishment of her charms, there was something +so lively in her person, that the Chevalier de Grammont was caught at +first sight; her wit and humour corresponded with her other qualities, +being quite easy and perfectly charming; she was all mirth, all life, +all complaisance and politeness, and all was natural, and always the +same without any variation. + +The Marchioness de Senantes was esteemed fair, and she might have +enjoyed, if she had pleased, the reputation of having red hair, had she +not rather chosen to conform to the taste of the age in which she lived +than to follow that of the ancients: she had all the advantages of red +hair without any of the inconveniences; a constant attention to her +person served as a corrective to the natural defects of her complexion. +After all, what does it signify, whether cleanliness be owing to nature +or to art? it argues an invidious temper to be very inquisitive about +it. She had a great deal of wit, a good memory, more reading, and a +still greater inclination towards tenderness. + +She had a husband whom it would have been criminal even in chastity +to spare. He piqued himself upon being a Stoic, and gloried in being +slovenly and disgusting in honour of his profession. In this he +succeeded to admiration; for he was very fat, so that he perspired +almost as much in winter as in summer. Erudition and brutality seemed to +be the most conspicuous features of his character, and were displayed in +his conversation, sometimes together, sometimes alternately, but always +disagreeably: he was not jealous, and yet he was troublesome; he was +very well pleased to see attentions paid to his wife, provided more were +paid to him. + +As soon as our adventurers had declared themselves, the Chevalier de +Grammont arrayed himself in green habiliments, and dressed Matta in +blue, these being the favourite colours of their new mistresses. They +entered immediately upon duty: the Chevalier learned and practised all +the ceremonies of this species of gallantry, as if he always had been +accustomed to them; but Matta commonly forgot one half, and was not over +perfect in practising the other. He never could remember that his office +was to promote the glory, and not the interest, of his mistress. + +The Duchess of Savoy gave the very next day an entertainment at La +Venerie, where all the ladies were invited. + +The Chevalier was so agreeable and diverting, that he made his mistress +almost die with laughing. Matta, in leading his lady to the coach, +squeezed her hand, and at their return from the promenade he begged +of her to pity his sufferings. Thus was proceeding rather too +precipitately, and although Madame de Senantes was not destitute of +the natural compassion of her sex, she nevertheless was shocked at the +familiarity of this treatment; she thought herself obliged to show some +degree of resentment, and pulling away her hand, which he had pressed +with still greater fervency upon this declaration, she went up to the +royal apartments without even looking at her new lover. Matta, never +thinking that he had offended her, suffered her to go, and went in +search of some company to sup with him: nothing was more easy for a man +of his disposition; he soon found what he wanted, sat a long time at +table to refresh himself after the fatigue, of love, and went to bed +completely satisfied that he had performed his part to perfection. + +During all this time the Chevalier de Grammont acquitted himself towards +Mademoiselle de Saint Germain with universal applause; and without +remitting his assiduities, he found means to shine, as they went +along, in the relation of a thousand entertaining anecdotes, which he +introduced in the general conversation. Her Royal Highness heard them +with pleasure, and the solitary Senantes likewise attended to them. He +perceived this, and quitted his mistress to inquire what she had done +with Matta. + +“I” said she, “I have done nothing with him; but I don’t know what he +would have done with me if I had been obliging enough to listen to his +most humble solicitations.” + +She then told him in what manner his friend had treated her the very +second day of their acquaintance. + +The Chevalier could not forbear laughing at it: he told her Matta was +rather too unceremonious, but yet she would like him better as their +intimacy more improved, and for her consolation he assured her that +he would have spoken in the same manner to her Royal Highness herself; +however, he would not fail to give him a severe reprimand. He went the +next morning into his room for that purpose; but Matta had gone out +early in the morning on a shooting party, in which he had been engaged +by his supper companions in the preceding evening. At his return he took +a brace of partridges and went to his mistress. Being asked whether he +wished to see the Marquis, he said no; and the Swiss telling him his +lady was not at home, he left his partridges, and desired him to present +them to his mistress from him. + +The Marchioness was at her toilet, and was decorating her head with +all the grace she could devise to captivate Matta, at the moment he was +denied admittance: she knew nothing of the matter; but her husband knew +every particular. He had taken it in dudgeon that the first visit was +not paid to him, and as he was resolved that it should not be paid to +his wife, the Swiss had received his orders, and had almost been beaten +for receiving the present which had been left. The partridges, however, +were immediately sent back, and Matta, without examining into the cause, +was glad to have them again. He went to court without ever changing +his clothes, or in the least considering he ought not to appear there +without his lady’s colours. He found her becomingly dressed; her eyes +appeared to him more than usually sparkling, and her whole person +altogether divine. He began from that day to be much pleased with +himself for his complaisance to the Chevalier de Grammont; however, +he could not help remarking that she looked but coldly upon him. This +appeared to him a very extraordinary return for his services, and, +imagining that she was unmindful of her weighty obligations to him, he +entered into conversation with her, and severely reprimanded her for +having sent back his partridges with so much indifference. + +She did not understand what he meant; and highly offended that he did +not apologize, after the reprimand which she concluded him to have +received, told him that he certainly had met with ladies of very +complying dispositions in his travels, as he seemed to give to himself +airs that she was by no means accustomed to endure. Matta desired to +know wherein he could be said to have given himself any. “Wherein?” + said she: “the second day that you honoured me with your attentions, you +treated me as if I had been your humble servant for a thousand years; +the first time that I gave you my hand you squeezed it as violently as +you were able. After this commencement of your courtship, I got into my +coach, and you mounted your horse; but instead of riding by the side of +the coach, as any reasonable gallant would have done, no sooner did a +hare start from her form, than you immediately galloped full speed after +her; having regaled yourself, during the promenade, by taking snuff, +without ever deigning to bestow a thought on me, the only proof you gave +me, on your return, that you recollected me, was by soliciting me to +surrender my reputation in terms polite enough, but very explicit. And +now you talk to me of having been shooting of partridges and of some +visit or other, which, I suppose, you have been dreaming of, as well as +of all the rest.” + +The Chevalier de Grammont now advanced, to the interruption of this +whimsical dialogue. Matta was rebuked for his forwardness, and his +friend took abundant pains to convince him that his conduct bordered +more upon insolence than familiarity. Matta endeavoured to exculpate +himself, but succeeded ill. His mistress took compassion upon him, +and consented to admit his excuses, for the manner, rather than his +repentance for the fact, and declared that it was the intention alone +which could either justify or condemn, in such cases; that it was +very easy to pardon those transgressions which arise from excess of +tenderness, but not such as proceeded from too great a presumption of +success. Matta swore that he only squeezed her hand from the violence +of his passion, and that he had been driven, by necessity, to ask her to +relieve it; that he was yet a novice in the arts of solicitation; that +he could not possibly think her more worthy of his affection, after a +month’s service, than at the present moment; and that he entreated her +to cast away an occasional thought upon him when her leisure admitted. +The Marchioness was not offended, she saw very well that she must +require an implicit conformity to the established rule of decorum, when +she had to deal with such a character; and the Chevalier de Grammont, +after this sort of reconciliation, went to look after his own affair +with Mademoiselle de St. Germain. + +His concern was not the offspring of mere good nature, nay, it was the +reverse; for no sooner did he perceive that the Marchioness looked with +an eye of favour upon him, than this conquest, appearing to him to be +more easy than the other, he thought it was prudent to take advantage of +it, for fear of losing the opportunity, and that he might not have spent +all his time to no purpose, in case he should prove unsuccessful with +the little St. Germain. + +In the mean time, in order to maintain that authority which he +had usurped over the conduct of his friend, he, that very evening, +notwithstanding what had been already said, reprimanded him for +presuming to appear at court in his morning suit, and without his +mistress’s badge; for not having had the wit or prudence to pay his +first visit to the Marquis de Senantes, instead of consuming his time, +to no purpose, in inquiries for the lady; and, to conclude, he asked him +what the devil he meant by presenting her with a brace of miserable red +partridges. “And why not?” said Matta: “ought they to have been blue, +too, to match the cockade and sword-knots you made me wear the other +day? Plague not me with your nonsensical whimsies: my life on it, in one +fortnight your equal in foppery and folly will not be found throughout +the confines of Turin; but, to reply to your questions, I did not call +upon Monsieur de Senantes, because I had nothing to do with him, and +because he is of a species of animals which I dislike, and always shall +dislike: as for you, you appear quite charmed with being decked out in +green ribands, with writing letters to your mistress, and filling your +pockets with citrons, pistachios, and such sort of stuff, with which you +are always cramming the poor girl’s mouth, in spite of her teeth: you +hope to succeed by chanting ditties composed in the days of Corisande +and of Henry IV., which you will swear yourself have made upon her: +happy in practising the ceremonials of gallantry, you have no ambition +for the essentials. Very well: every one has a particular way of +acting, as well as a particular taste: your’s is to trifle in love; +and, provided you can make Mademoiselle de St. Germain laugh, you are +satisfied: as for my part, I am persuaded, that women here are made of +the same materials as in other places; and I do not think that they can +be mightily offended, if one sometimes leaves off trifling, to come to +the point: however, if the Marchioness is not of this way of thinking, +she may e’en provide herself elsewhere; for I can assure her, that I +shall not long act the part of her squire.” + +This was an unnecessary menace; for the Marchioness in reality liked him +very well, was nearly of the same way of thinking herself, and wished +for nothing more than to put his gallantry to the test. But Matta +proceeded upon a wrong plan; he had conceived such an aversion for her +husband, that he could not prevail upon himself to make the smallest +advance towards his good graces. He was given to understand that he +ought to begin by endeavouring to lull the dragon to sleep, before he +could gain possession of the treasure; but this was all to no purpose, +though, at the same time, he could never see his mistress but in public. +This made him impatient, and as he was lamenting his ill-fortune to her +one day: “Have the goodness, madam,” said he, “to let me know where you +live: there is never a day that I do not call upon you, at least, three +or four times, without ever being blessed with a sight of you.” “I +generally sleep at home,” replied she, laughing; “but I must tell you, +that you will never find me there, if you do not first pay a visit +to the Marquis: I am not mistress of the house. I do not tell you,” + continued she, “that he is a man whose acquaintance any one would very +impatiently covet for his conversation: on the contrary, I agree that +his humour is fantastical, and his manners not of the pleasing cast; but +there is nothing so savage and inhuman, which a little care, attention, +and complaisance may not tame into docility. I must repeat to you some +verses upon the subject: I have got them by heart, because they contain +a little advice, which you may accommodate, if you please, to your own +case.” + + RONDEAU. + + Keep in mind these maxims rare, + You who hope to win the fair; + Who are, or would esteemed be, + The quintessence of gallantry. + + That fopp’ry, grinning, and grimace, + And fertile store of common-place; + That oaths as false as dicers swear, + And Wry teeth, and scented hair; + That trinkets, and the pride of dress, + Can only give your scheme success. + Keep in mind. + + Has thy charmer e’er an aunt? + Then learn the rules of woman’s cant, + And forge a tale, and swear you read it, + Such as, save woman, none would credit + Win o’er her confidante and pages + By gold, for this a golden age is; + And should it be her wayward fate, + To be encumbered with a mate, + A dull, old dotard should he be, + That dulness claims thy courtesy. + Keep in mind. + +“Truly,” said Matta, “the song may say what it pleases, but I cannot put +it in practice: your husband is far too exquisite a monster for me. Why, +what a plaguey odd ceremony do you require of us in this country, if we +cannot pay our compliments to the wife without being in love with the +husband!” + +The Marchioness was much offended at this answer; and as she thought she +had done enough in pointing out to him the path which would conduct him +to success, if he had deserved it, she did not think it worth while to +enter into any farther explanation; since he refused to cede, for her +salve, so trilling an objection: from this instant she resolved to have +done with him. + +The Chevalier de Grammont had taken leave of his mistress nearly at the +same time: the ardour of his pursuit was extinguished. It was not that +Mademoiselle de Saint Germain was less worthy than hitherto of his +attentions: on the contrary her attractions visibly increased: she +retired to her pillow with a thousand charms, and ever rose from it with +additional beauty the phrase of increasing in beauty as she increased +in years seemed to have been purposely made for her. The Chevalier could +not deny these truths, but yet he could not find his account in them: a +little less merit, with a little less discretion, would have been more +agreeable. He perceived that she attended to him with pleasure, that +she was diverted with his stories as much as he could wish, and that +she received his billets and presents without scruple; but then he +also discovered that she did not wish to proceed any farther. He had +exhausted every species of address upon her, and all to no purpose: +her attendant was gained: her family, charmed with the music of his +conversation and his great attention, were never happy without him: +in short, he had reduced to practice the advice contained in the +Marchioness’s song, and everything conspired to deliver the little Saint +Germain into his hands, if the little Saint Germain had herself been +willing: but alas! she was not inclined. It was in vain he told her the +favour he desired would cost her nothing; and that since these treasures +were rarely comprised in the fortune a lady brings with her in marriage, +she would never find any person, who, by unremitting tenderness, +unwearied attachment, and inviolable secrecy, would prove more worthy of +them than himself. He then told her no husband was ever able to convey +a proper idea of the sweets of love, and that nothing could be more +different than the passionate fondness of a lover, always tender, always +affectionate, yet always respectful, and the careless indifference of a +husband. + +Mademoiselle de Saint Germain, not wishing to take the matter in a +serious light, that she might not be forced to resent it, answered, that +since it was generally the custom in her country to marry, she thought +it was right to conform to it, without entering into the knowledge of +those distinctions, and those marvellous particulars, which she did not +very well understand, and of which she did not wish to have any further +explanation; that she had submitted to listen to him this one time, but +desired he would never speak to her again in the same strain, since +such sort of conversation was neither entertaining to her, nor could +be serviceable to him. Though no one was ever more facetious than +Mademoiselle de Saint Germain, she yet knew how to assume a very serious +air, when ever occasion required it. The Chevalier de Grammont soon saw +that she was in earnest; and finding it would cost him a great deal of +time to effect a change in her sentiments, he was so far cooled in this +pursuit, that he only made use of it to hide the designs he had upon the +Marchioness de Senantes. + +He found this lady much disgusted at Matta’s want of complaisance; and +his seeming contempt for her erased every favourable impression which +she had once entertained for him. While she was in this humour, the +Chevalier told her that her resentment was just; he exaggerated the +loss which his friend had sustained; he told her that her charms were +a thousand times superior to those of the little Saint Germain, and +requested that favour for himself which his friend did not deserve. +He was soon favourably heard upon this topic; and as soon as they were +agreed, they consulted upon two measures necessary to be taken, the +one to deceive her husband, the other his friend, which was not very +difficult: Matta was not at all suspicious: and the stupid Senantes, +towards whom the Chevalier had already behaved as Matta had refused to +do, could not be easy without him. This was much more than was wanted; +for as soon as ever the Chevalier was with the Marchioness, her husband +immediately joined them out of politeness; and on no account would have +left them alone together, for fear they should grow weary of each other +without him. + +Matta, who all this time was entirely ignorant that he was disgraced, +continued to serve his mistress in his own way. She had agreed with +the Chevalier de Grammont, that to all appearance everything should +be carried on as before; so that the court always believed that the +Marchioness only thought of Matta, and that the Chevalier was entirely +devoted to Mademoiselle de Saint Germain. + +There were very frequently little lotteries for trinkets: the Chevalier +de Grammont always tried his fortune, and was sometimes fortunate; and +under pretence of the prizes he had won, he bought a thousand things +which he indiscreetly gave to the Marchioness, and which she still more +indiscreetly accepted: the little Saint Germain very seldom received any +thing. There are meddling whisperers everywhere: remarks were made upon +these proceedings; and the same person that made them communicated them +likewise to Mademoiselle de Saint Germain. She pretended to laugh, but +in reality was piqued. It is a maxim religiously observed by the fair +sex, to envy each other those indulgences which themselves refuse. She +took this very ill of the Marchioness. On the other hand, Matta was +asked if he was not old enough to make his own presents himself to +the Marchioness de Senantes, without sending them by the Chevalier de +Grammont. This roused him; for of himself, he would never have perceived +it: his suspicions, however, were but slight, and he was willing to have +them removed. “I must confess,” said he to the Chevalier de Grammont, +“that they make love here quite in a new style; a man serves here +without reward: he addresses himself to the husband when he is in love +with the wife, and makes presents to another man’s mistress, to get +into the good graces of his own. The Marchioness is much obliged to you +for-----” + +“It is you who are obliged,” replied the Chevalier, “since thus was +done on your account: I was ashamed to find you had never yet thought +of presenting her with any trifling token of your attention: do you know +that the people of this court have such extraordinary notions, as to +think that it is rather owing to inadvertency that you never yet have +had the spirit to make your mistress the smallest present? For shame! +how ridiculous it is, that you can never think for yourself?” + +Matta took this rebuke, without making any answer, being persuaded that +he had in some measure deserved it: besides, he was neither sufficiently +jealous, nor sufficiently amorous, to think any more of it; however, +as it was necessary for the Chevalier’s affairs that Matta should be +acquainted with the Marquis de Senantes, he plagued him so much about +it, that at last he complied. His friend introduced him, and his +mistress seemed pleased with this proof of complaisance, though she +was resolved that he should gain nothing by it; and the husband, +being gratified with a piece of civility which he had long expected, +determined, that very evening, to give them a supper at a little country +seat of his, on the banks of the river, very near the city. + +The Chevalier de Grammont answering for them both, accepted the offer; +and as this was the only one Matta would not have refused from the +Marquis, he likewise consented. The Marquis came to convey them in his +carriage at the hour appointed; but he found only Matta. The Chevalier +had engaged himself to play, on purpose that they might go without him: +Matta was for waiting for him, so great was his fear of being left alone +with the Marquis; but the Chevalier having sent to desire them to go on +before, and that he would be with them as soon as he had finished his +game, poor Matta was obliged to set out with the man who, of all the +world, was most offensive to him. It was not the Chevalier’s intention +quickly to extricate Matta out of this embarrassment: he no sooner knew +that they were gone, than he waited on the Marchioness, under pretence +of still finding her husband, that they might all go together to supper. + +The plot was in a fair way; and as the Marchioness was of opinion that +Matta’s indifference merited no better treatment from her, she made no +scruple of acting her part in it: she therefore waited for the Chevalier +de Grammont with intentions so much the more favourable, as she had for +a long time expected him, and had some curiosity to receive a visit from +him in the absence of her husband. We may therefore suppose that this +first opportunity would not have been lost, if Mademoiselle de Saint +Germain had not unexpectedly come in, almost at the same time with the +Chevalier. + +She was more handsome and more entertaining that day than she had ever +been before; however, she appeared to them very ugly and very tiresome: +she soon perceived that her company was disagreeable, and being +determined that they should not be out of humour with her for nothing, +after having passed above a long half hour in diverting herself with +their uneasiness, and in playing a thousand monkey tricks, which she +plainly saw could never be more unseasonable, she pulled off her hood, +scarf, and all that part of her dress which ladies lay aside, when in a +familiar manner they intend to pass the day anywhere. The Chevalier de +Grammont cursed her in his heart, while she continued to torment him for +being in such ill-humour in such good company: at last the Marchioness, +who was as much vexed as he was, said rather drily that she was obliged +to wait on her Royal Highness: Mademoiselle de Saint Germain told her +that she would have the honour to accompany her, if it would not be +disagreeable: she took not the smallest notice of her offer; and the +Chevalier, finding that it would be entirely useless to prolong his +visit at that time, retired with a good grace. + +As soon as he had left the house, he sent one of his scouts to desire +the Marquis to sit down to table with his company without waiting +for him, because the game might not perhaps be finished as soon as he +expected, but that he would be with him before supper was over. Having +despatched this messenger, he placed a sentinel at the Marchioness’s +door, in hopes that the tedious Saint Germain might go out before her; +but this was in vain, for his spy came and told him, after an hour’s +impatience and suspense, that they were gone out together. He found +there was no chance of seeing her again that day, everything falling +out contrary to his wishes; he was forced therefore to leave the +Marchioness, and go in quest of the Marquis. + +While these things were going on in the city, Matta was not much +diverted in the country: as he was prejudiced against the Marquis, all +that he said displeased him: he cursed the Chevalier heartily for the +tete-a-tete which he had procured him; and he was upon the point of +going away, when he found that he was to sit down to supper without any +other company. + +However, as his host was very choice in his entertainments, and had +the best wine and the best cook in all Piedmont, the sight of the first +course appeased him; and eating most voraciously, without paying any +attention to the Marquis, he flattered himself that the supper would end +without any dispute; but he was mistaken. + +When the Chevalier de Grammont was at first endeavouring to bring +about an intercourse between the Marquis and Matta, he had given a very +advantageous character of the latter, to make the former more +desirous of his acquaintance; and in the display of a thousand other +accomplishments, knowing what an infatuation the Marquis had for the +very name of erudition, he assured him that Matta was one of the most +learned men in Europe. + +The Marquis, therefore, from the moment they sat down to supper, had +expected some stroke of learning from Matta, to bring his own into +play; but he was much out in his reckoning; no one had read less, no one +thought less, and no one had ever spoken so little at an entertainment +as he had done as he did not wish to enter into conversation, he opened +his mouth only to eat, or ask for wine. + +The other, being offended at a silence which appeared to him affected, +and wearied with having uselessly attacked him upon other subjects, +thought he might get something out of him by changing the discourse of +love and gallantry; and therefore, to begin the subject, he accosted him +in this manner: + +“Since you are my wife’s gallant--” “I!” said Matta who wished to carry +it discreetly: “those who told you so, told a damned lie.” “Zounds, +sir,” said the Marquis, “you speak in a tone which does not at +all become you; for I would have you to know, notwithstanding your +contemptuous airs, that the Marchioness de Senantes is perhaps as worthy +of your attentions as any of your French ladies, and that I have known +some greatly your superiors, who have thought it an honour to serve +her.” “Very well,” said Matta, “I think she is very deserving, and since +you insist upon it, I am her servant and gallant, to oblige you.” + +“You think, perhaps,” continued the other, “that the same custom +prevails in this country as in your own, and that the ladies have +lovers, with no other intentions than to grant them favours: undeceive +yourself if you please, and know, likewise, that even if such events +were frequent in this court, I should not be at all uneasy.” “Nothing +can be more civil,” said Matta; “but wherefore would you not?” “I will +tell you why,” replied he: “I am well acquainted with the affection my +wife entertains for me: I am acquainted with her discretion towards all +the world; and, what is more, I am acquainted with my own merit.” + +“You have a most uncommon acquaintance then,” replied Matta; “I +congratulate you upon it; I have the honour to drink it in a bumper.” + The Marquis pledged him; but seeing that the conversation dropped on +their ceasing to drink, after two or three healths, he wished to make a +second attempt, and attack Matta on his strong side, that is to say, on +his learning. + +He desired him, therefore, to tell him, at what time he thought the +Allobroges came to settle in Piedmont. Matta, who wished him and his +Allobroges at the devil, said, that it must be in the time of the civil +wars. “I doubt that,” said the other. “Just as you like,” said Matta. +“Under what consulate?” replied the Marquis: “Under that of the League,” + said Matta, “when the Guises brought the Lansquenets into France; but +what the devil does that signify?” + +The Marquis was tolerably warm, and naturally savage, so that God knows +how the conversation would have ended, if the Chevalier de Grammont had +not unexpectedly come in to appease them. It was some time before he +could find out what their debate was; for the one had forgotten the +questions, and the other the answers, which had disobliged him, in order +to reproach the Chevalier with his eternal passion for play, which made +him always uncertain. The Chevalier, who knew that he was still more +culpable than they thought, bore it all with patience, and condemned +himself more than they desired: this appeased them; and the +entertainment ended with greater tranquillity than it had begun. The +conversation was again reduced to order; but he could not enliven it as +he usually did. He was in very ill humour, and as he pressed them every +minute to rise from table, the Marquis was of opinion that he had lost +a great deal. Matta said, on the contrary, that he had won; but for want +of precautions had made perhaps an unfortunate retreat; and asked him if +he had not stood in need of Serjeant La Place, with his ambuscade. + +This piece of history was beyond the comprehension of the Marquis, and +being afraid that Matta might explain it, the Chevalier changed the +discourse, and was for rising from table; but Matta would not consent +to it. This effected a reconciliation between him and the Marquis, who +thought this was a piece of civility intended for him; however, it was +not for him, but for his wine, to which Matta had taken a prodigious +liking. + +The Duchess, who knew the character of the Marquis, was charmed with the +account which the Chevalier de Grammont gave her of the entertainment +and conversation: she sent for Matta to know the truth of it from +himself: he confessed, that before the Allobroges were mentioned the +Marquis was for quarrelling with him, because he was not in love with +his wife. + +Their acquaintance having begun in this manner, all the esteem which +the Marquis had formerly expressed for the Chevalier seemed now directed +towards Matta: he went every day to pay Matta a visit, and Matta was +every day with his wife. This did not at all suit the Chevalier: he +repented of his having chid Matta, whose assiduity now interrupted all +his schemes; and the Marchioness was still more embarrassed. Whatever +wit a man may have, it will never please where his company is disliked; +and she repented that she had been formerly guilty of some trifling +advances towards him. + +Matta began to find charms in her person, and might have found the same +in her conversation, if she had been inclined to display them; but it +is impossible to be in good humour with persons who thwart our designs. +While his passion increased, the Chevalier de Grammont was solely +occupied in endeavouring to find out some method, by which he might +accomplish his intrigue; and this was the stratagem which he put in +execution to clear the coast, by removing, at one and the same time, +both the lover and the husband. + +He told Matta, that they ought to invite the Marquis to supper at their +lodgings, and he would take upon himself to provide everything proper +for the occasion. Matta desired to know if it was to play at quinze, and +assured him that he should take care to render abortive any intention +he might have to engage in play, and leave him alone with the greatest +blockhead in all Europe. The Chevalier de Grammont did not entertain +any such thought, being persuaded that it would be impossible to take +advantage of any such opportunity, in whatever manner he might take his +measures, and that they would seek for him in every corner of the +city rather than allow him the least repose: his whole attention was +therefore employed in rendering the entertainment agreeable, in finding +out means of prolonging it, in order ultimately to kindle some dispute +between the Marquis and Matta. For this purpose he put himself in the +best humour in the world, and the wine produced the same effect on the +rest of the company. + +The Chevalier de Grammont expressed his concern, that he had not been +able to give the Marquis a little concert, as he had intended in the +morning; for the musicians had been all pre-engaged. Upon this the +Marquis undertook to have them at his country-house the following +evening, and invited the same company to sup with him there. Matta asked +what the devil they wanted with music, and maintained that it was of no +use on such occasions but for women who had something to say to their +lovers, while the fiddles prevented them from being overheard, or for +fools who had nothing to say when the music ended. They ridiculed all +his arguments: the party was fixed for the next day, and the music was +voted by the majority of voices. The Marquis, to console Matta, as well +as to do honour to the entertainment, toasted a great many healths: +Matta was more ready to listen to his arguments on this topic than in +a dispute; but the Chevalier, perceiving that a little would irritate +them, desired nothing more earnestly than to see them engaged in some +new controversy. It was in vain that he had from time to time started +some subject of discourse with this intention; but having luckily +thought of asking what was his lady’s maiden name, Senantes, who was a +great genealogist, as all fools are who have good memories, immediately +began by tracing out her family, by an endless confused string of +lineage. The Chevalier seemed to listen to him with great attention; +and perceiving that Matta was almost out of patience, he desired him to +attend to what the Marquis was saying, for that nothing could be more +entertaining. “All this may be very true,” said Matta; “but for my part, +I must confess, if I were married, I should rather choose to inform +myself who was the real father of my children, than who were my wife’s +grand fathers.” The Marquis, smiling at this rudeness, did not leave off +until he had traced back the ancestors of his spouse, from line to line, +as far as Yolande de Senantes: after this he offered to prove, in less +than half an hour, that the Grammonts came originally from Spain. “Very +well,” said Matta, “and pray what does it signify to us from whence the +Grammonts are descended? Do not you know, sir, that it is better to know +nothing at all, than to know too much?” + +The Marquis maintained the contrary with great warmth, and was preparing +a formal argument to prove that an ignorant man is a fool; but the +Chevalier de Grammont, who was thoroughly acquainted with Matta saw very +clearly that he would send the logician to the devil before he should +arrive at the conclusion of his syllogism: for which reason, interposing +as soon as they began to raise their voices, he told them it was +ridiculous to quarrel about an affair in itself so trivial, and +treated the matter in a serious light, that it might make the greater +impression. Thus supper terminated peaceably, owing to the care he took +to suppress all disputes, and to substitute plenty of wine in their +stead. + +The next day Matta went to the chase, the Chevalier de Grammont to +the bagnio, and the Marquis to his country house. While the latter was +making the necessary preparations for his guests, not forgetting the +music, and Matta pursuing his game to get an appetite, the Chevalier was +meditating on the execution of his project. + +As soon as he had regulated his plan of operations in his own mind, he +privately sent anonymous intelligence to the officer of the guard at the +palace that the Marquis de Senantes had had some words with Monsieur de +Matta the preceding night at supper; that the one had gone out in the +morning; and the other could not be found in the city. + +Madame Royale, alarmed at this advice, immediately sent for the +Chevalier de Grammont: he appeared surprised when her highness mentioned +the affair: he confessed, indeed, that some high words had passed +between them, but that he did not believe either of them would have +remembered them the next day. He said that if no mischief had yet taken +place, the best way would be to secure them both until the morning, and +that if they could be found, he would undertake to reconcile them, and +to obliterate all grievances: in this there was no great difficulty. +On inquiry at the Marquis’s they were informed that he was gone to his +country-house: there certainly he was, and there they found him; the +officer put him under an arrest, without assigning any reason for so +doing, and left him in very great surprise. + +Immediately upon Matta’s return from hunting, her Royal Highness sent +the same officer to desire him to give her his word that he would not +stir out that evening. This compliment very much surprised him, more +particularly as no reason was assigned for it. He was expected at a good +entertainment he was dying with hunger, and nothing appeared to him more +unreasonable than to oblige him to stay at home, in a situation like the +present; but he had given his word, and not knowing to what this might +tend, his only resource was to send for his friend; but his friend did +not come to him until his return from the country. He had there found +the Marquis in the midst of his fiddlers, and very much vexed to find +himself a prisoner in his own house on account of Matta, whom he was +waiting for in order to feast him: he complained of him bitterly to +the Chevalier de Grammont: he said that he did not believe that he had +offended him; but that, since he was very desirous of a quarrel, he +desired the Chevalier to acquaint him, if he felt the least displeasure +on the present occasion, he should, on the very first opportunity, +receive what is called satisfaction. The Chevalier de Grammont assured +him that no such thought had ever entered the mind of Matta; that on the +contrary, he knew that he very greatly esteemed him; that all this could +alone arise from the extreme tenderness of his lady, who, being alarmed +upon the report of the servants who waited at table, must have gone to +her Royal Highness, in order to prevent any unpleasant consequences; +that he thought this the more probable, as he had often told the +Marchioness, when speaking of Matta, that he was the best swordsman +in France; for, in truth, the poor gentleman had never fought without +having the misfortune of killing his man. + +The Marquis, being a little pacified, said he was very much obliged +to him, that he would severely chide his wife for her unseasonable +tenderness, and that he was extremely desirous of again enjoying the +pleasure of his dear friend Matta’s company. + +The Chevalier de Grammont assured him that he would use all his +endeavours for that purpose, and at the same time gave strict charge +to his guard not to let him escape without orders from the Court, as he +seemed fully bent upon fighting, and they would be responsible for him: +there was no occasion to say more to have him strictly watched, though +there was no necessity for it. + +One being thus safely lodged, his next step was to secure the other: he +returned immediately to town: and as soon as Matta saw him, “What the +devil,” said he, “is the meaning of this farce which I am obliged +to act? for my part, I cannot understand the foolish customs of this +country; how comes it that they make me a prisoner upon my parole?” “How +comes it?” said the Chevalier de Grammont, “it is because you yourself +are far more unaccountable than all their customs; you cannot help +disputing with a peevish fellow, whom you ought only to laugh at; +some officious footman has no doubt been talking of your last night’s +dispute; you were seen to go out of town in the morning, and the Marquis +soon after; was not this sufficient to make her Royal Highness think +herself obliged to take these precautions? The Marquis is in custody; +they have only required your parole; so far, therefore, from taking +the affair in the sense you do, I should send very humbly to thank her +Highness for the kindness she has manifested towards you in putting +you under arrest, since it is only on your account that she interests +herself in the affair. I shall take a walk to the palace, where I will +endeavour to unravel this mystery; in the mean time, as there is but +little probability that the matter should be settled this evening, +you would do well to order supper; for I shall come back to you +immediately.” + +Matta charged him not to fail to express to her Royal Highness the +grateful sense he had of her favour, though in truth he as little feared +the Marquis as he loved him; and it is impossible to express the degree +of his fortitude in stronger terms. + +The Chevalier de Grammont returned in about half an hour, with two or +three gentlemen whom Matta had got acquainted with at the chase, and +who, upon the report of the quarrel, waited upon him, and each offered +him separately his services against the unassisted and pacific Marquis. +Matta having returned them his thanks, insisted upon their staying +supper, and put on his robe de chambre. + +As soon as the Chevalier de Grammont perceived that every thing +coincided with his wishes, and that towards the end of the entertainment +the toasts went merrily round, he knew he was sure of his man till +next day: then taking him aside with the permission of the company, and +making use of a false confidence in order to disguise a real treachery, +he acquainted him, after having sworn him several times to secrecy, that +he had at last prevailed upon the little Saint Germain to grant him an +interview that night; for which reason he would take his leave, under +pretence of going to play at Court; he therefore desired him fully +to satisfy the company that he would not have left them on any other +account, as the Piedmontese are naturally mistrustful. Matta promised he +would manage this point with discretion; that he would make an apology +for him, and that there was no occasion for his personally taking leave: +then, after congratulating him upon the happy posture of his affairs, he +sent him away with all the expedition and secrecy imaginable; so great +was his fear lest his friend should lose the present opportunity. + +Matta then returned to the company, much pleased with the confidence +which had been placed in him, and with the share he had in the success +of this adventure. He put himself into the best humour imaginable in +order to divert the attention of his guests; he severely satirised +those, whose rage for gaming induced them to sacrifice to it every other +consideration; he loudly ridiculed the folly of the Chevalier upon this +article, and secretly laughed at the credulity of the Piedmontese, whom +he had deceived with so much ingenuity. + +It was late at night before the company broke up, and Matta went to bed, +very well satisfied with what he had done for his friend; and, if we may +credit appearances, this friend enjoyed the fruit of his perfidy. The +amorous Marchioness received him like one who wished to enhance the +value of the favour she bestowed; her charms were far from being +neglected; and if there are any circumstances in which we may detest the +traitor while we profit by the treason, this was not one of them; and +however successful the Chevalier de Grammont was in his intrigues, it +was not owing to him that the contrary was not believed; but, be that +as it may, being convinced that in love whatever is gained by address +is gained fairly, it does not appear that he ever showed the smallest +degree of repentance for this trick. But it is now time for its to take +him from the court of Savoy, to see him shine in that of France. + + + + +CHAPTER FIFTH. HE RETURNS TO THE COURT OF FRANCE--HIS ADVENTURES AT THE +SIEGE OF ARRAS--HIS REPLY TO CARDINAL MAZARIN--HE IS BANISHED THE COURT + + +The Chevalier de Grammont, upon his return to France, sustained, with +the greatest success, the reputation he had acquired abroad: alert in +play, active and vigilant in love; sometimes successful, and always +feared, in his intrigues; in war alike prepared for the events of good +or ill fortune; possessing an inexhaustible fund of pleasantry in the +former, and full of expedients and dexterity in the latter. + +Zealously attached to the Prince de Conde from inclination, he was a +witness, and, if we may be allowed to say it, his companion, in the +glory he had acquired at the celebrated battles of Lens, Norlinguen, and +Fribourg; and the details he so frequently gave of them were far from +diminishing their lustre. + + [Louis of Bourbon, Duke d’Enghien, afterwards, by the death of his + father in 1656, Prince de Conde. Of this great man Cardinal de Retz + says, “He was born a general, which never happened but to Caesar, to + Spinola, and to himself. He has equalled the first: he has + surpassed the second. Intrepidity is one of the least shining + strokes in his character. Nature had formed him with a mind as + great as his courage. Fortune, in setting him out in a time of + wars, has given this last a full extent to work in: his birth, or + rather his education, in a family devoted and enslaved to the court, + has kept the first within too straight bounds. He was not taught + time enough the great and general maxims which alone are able to + form men to think always consistently. He never had time to learn + them of himself, because he was prevented from his youth, by the + great affairs that fell unexpectedly to his share, and by the + continual success he met with. This defect in him was the cause, + that with the soul in the world the least inclined to evil, he has + committed injuries; that with the heart of an Alexander, he has, + like him, had his failings; that with a wonderful understanding, he + has acted imprudently; that having all the qualities which the Duke + Francis of Guise had, he has not served the state in some occasions + so well as he ought; and that having likewise having all the + qualities of the Duke Henry of Guise, he has not carried faction so + far as he might. He could not come up to the height of his merit; + which, though it be a defect, must yet be owned to be very uncommon, + and only to be found in persons of the greatest abilities.”] + +So long as he had only some scruples of conscience, and a thousand +interests to sacrifice, he quitted all to follow a man, whom strong +motives and resentments, which in some manner appeared excusable, had +withdrawn from the paths of rectitude: he adhered to him in his first +disgrace, with a constancy of which there are few examples; but he could +not submit to the injuries which he afterwards received, and which such +an inviolable attachment so little merited. Therefore, without fearing +any reproach for a conduct which sufficiently justified itself, as he +had formerly deviated from his duty by entering into the service of the +Prince de Conde, he thought he had a right to leave him to return again +to his duty. + +His peace was soon made at Court, where many, far more culpable than +himself, were immediately received into favour, when they desired it; +for the queen, still terrified at the dangers into which the civil wars +had plunged the State at the commencement of her regency, endeavoured by +lenient measures to conciliate the minds of the people. + + [Anne of Austria, daughter of Philip III. of Spain, widow of Louis + XIII., to whom she was married in 1615, and mother of Louis XIV. + She died in 1666. Cardinal de Retz speaks of her in the following + terms. “The queen had more than anybody whom I ever knew, of that + sort of wit which was necessary for her not to appear a fool to + those that did not know her. She had in her more of harshness than + haughtiness; more of haughtiness than of greatness; more of outward + appearance than reality; more regard to money than liberality; more + of liberality than of self-interest; more of self-interest than + disinterestedness: she was more tied to persons by habit than by + affection; she had more of insensibility than of cruelty; she had a + better memory for injuries than for benefits; her intention towards + piety was greater than her piety; she had in her more of obstinacy + than of firmness; and more incapacity than of all the rest which I + mentioned before.” Memoirs, vol. i., p. 247.] + +The policy of the minister was neither sanguinary nor revengeful: his +favourite maxim was rather to appease the minds of the discontented by +lenity, than to have recourse to violent measures; to be content with +losing nothing by the war, without being at the expense of gaining any +advantage from the enemy; to suffer his character to be very severely +handled, provided he could amass much wealth, and to spin out the +minority to the greatest possible extent. + + [Cardinal Mazarin, who, during a few of the latter years of his + life, governed France. He died at Vincennes the 9th of March 1661, + aged 59 years, leaving as heir to his name and property the Alarquis + de la Meilleray, who married his niece, and took the title of Duke + of Mazarin. On his death, Louis XIV. and the court appeared in + mourning, an honour not common, though Henry IV. had shewn it to the + memory of Gabrielle d’Estrees. Voltaire, who appears unwilling to + ascribe much ability to the cardinal, takes an opportunity, on + occasion of his death, to make the following observation. + --“We cannot refrain from combating the opinion, which supposes + prodigious abilities, and a genius almost divine, in those who have + governed empires with some degree of success. It is not a superior + penetration that makes statesmen; it is their character. All men, + how inconsiderable soever their share of sense may be, see their own + interest nearly alike. A citizen of Bern or Amsterdam, in this + respect, is equal to Sejanus, Ximenes, Buckingham, Richelieu, or + Mazarin; but our conduct and our enterprises depend absolutely on + our natural dispositions, and our success depends upon fortune.” + Age of Louis XIV., chap. 5.] + +His avidity to heap up riches was not alone confined to the thousand +different means, with which he was furnished by his authority, and the +situation in which he was placed: his whole pursuit was gain: he was +naturally fond of gaming; but he only played to enrich himself, and +therefore, whenever he found an opportunity, he cheated. + +As he found the Chevalier de Grammont possessed a great deal of wit, and +a great deal of money, he was a man according to his wishes, and soon +became one of his set. The Chevalier soon perceived the artfulness and +dishonesty of the Cardinal, and thought it was allowable in him to put +in practice those talents which he had received from nature, not only in +his own defence, but even to attack him whenever an opportunity offered. +This would certainly be the place to mention these particulars; but who +can describe them with such ease and elegance as maybe expected by +those who have heard his own relation of them? Vain is the attempt to +endeavour to transcribe these entertaining anecdotes: their spirit seems +to evaporate upon paper; and in whatever light they are exposed the +delicacy of their colouring and their beauty is lost. + +It is, then, enough to say, that upon all occasions where address was +reciprocally employed, the Chevalier gained the advantage; and that if +he paid his court badly to the minister, he had the consolation to find, +that those who suffered themselves to be cheated, in the end gained no +great advantage from their complaisance; for they always continued in +an abject submission, while the Chevalier de Grammont, on a thousand +different occasions, never put himself under the least restraint. Of +which the following is one instance: + +The Spanish army, commanded by the Prince de Conde and the +archduke,--[Leopold, brother of the Emperor Ferdinand the +III.]--besieged Arras. The Court was advanced as far as Peronne.--[A +little bat strong town, standing among marshes on the river Somme, in +Picardy.]--The enemy, by the capture of this place, would have procured +a reputation for their army of which they were in great need; as the +French, for a considerable time past, had evinced a superiority in every +engagement. + +The Prince supported a tottering party, as far as their usual inactivity +and irresolution permitted him; but as in the events of war it is +necessary to act independently on some occasions, which, if once +suffered to escape, can never be retrieved; for want of this power +it frequently happened that his great abilities were of no avail. +The Spanish infantry had never recovered itself since the battle of +Rocroy;--[This famous battle was fought and won 19th May, 1643, five +days after the death of Louis XIII.]--and he who had ruined them by +that victory, by fighting against them, was the only man who now, by +commanding their army, was capable of repairing the mischief he had done +them. But the jealousy of the generals, and the distrust attendant upon +their counsels, tied up his hands. + +Nevertheless, the siege of Arras was vigorously carried on. + + [Voltaire observes, that it was the fortune of Turenne and Conde + to be always victorious when they fought at the head of the French, + and to be vanquished when they commanded the Spaniards. This was + Conde’s fate before Arras, August 25, 1654, when he and the archduke + besieged that city. Turenne attacked them in their camp, and forced + their lines: the troops of the archduke were cut to pieces; and + Conde, with two regiments of French and Lorrainers, alone sustained + the efforts of Turenne’s army; and, while the archduke was flying, + he defeated the Marshal de Hoquincourt, repulsed the Marshal de la + Ferte, and retreated victoriously himself, by covering the retreat + of the vanquished Spaniards. The king of Spain, in his letter to + him after this engagement, had these words: “I have been informed + that everything was lost, and that you have recovered everything.”] + +The Cardinal was very sensible how dishonourable it would be to suffer +this place to be taken under his nose, and almost in sight of the king. +On the other hand, it was very hazardous to attempt its relief, the +Prince de Conde being a man who never neglected the smallest precaution +for the security of his lines; and if lines are attacked and not forced, +the greatest danger threatens the assailants. For, the more furious the +assault, the greater is the disorder in the retreat; and no man in the +world knew so well as the Prince de Conde how to make the best use of an +advantage. The army, commanded by Monsieur de Turenne, was considerably +weaker than that of the enemy; it was, likewise, the only resource they +had to depend upon. If this army was defeated, the loss of Arras was not +the only misfortune to be dreaded. + +The Cardinal, whose genius was happily adapted to such junctures, where +deceitful negotiations could extricate him out of difficulties, was +filled with terror at the sight of imminent danger, or of a decisive +event: he was of opinion to lay siege to some other place, the capture +of which might prove an indemnification for the loss of Arras; but +Monsieur de Turenne, who was altogether of a different opinion from the +Cardinal, resolved to march towards the enemy, and did not acquaint him +with his intentions until he was upon his march. The courier arrived in +the midst of his distress, and redoubled his apprehensions and alarms; +but there was then no remedy. + +The Marshal, whose great reputation had gained him the confidence of the +troops, had determined upon his measures before an express order from +the Court could prevent him. This was one of those occasions in which +the difficulties you encounter heighten the glory of success. Though the +general’s capacity, in some measure, afforded comfort to the Court, they +nevertheless were upon the eve of an event, which in one way or other +must terminate both their hopes and their fears while the rest of +the courtiers were giving various opinions concerning the issue, +the Chevalier de Grammont determined to be an eye-witness of it; a +resolution which greatly surprised the court; for those who had seen as +many actions as he had, seemed to be exempted from such eagerness; but +it was in vain that his friends opposed his resolutions. + +The king was pleased with his intention; and the queen appeared no less +satisfied. He assured her that he would bring her good news; and she +promised to embrace him, if he was as good as his word. The Cardinal +made the same promise: to the latter, however, he did not pay much +attention; yet he believed it sincere, because the keeping of it would +cost him nothing. + +He set out in the dusk of the evening with Caseau, whom Monsieur de +Turenne had sent express to their majesties. The Duke of York, and the +Marquis d’Humieres, commanded under the Marshal: the latter was upon +duty when the Chevalier arrived, it being scarce daylight. The Duke of +York did not at first recollect him; but the Marquis d’Humieres, running +to him with open arms, “I thought,” said he, “if any man came from +court to pay us a visit upon such an occasion as this, it would be the +Chevalier de Grammont. Well,” continued he, “what are they doing at +Peronne?” + + [Louis de Crevans, Marechal of France. He died 1694. Voltaire says + of him, that he was the first who, at the siege of Arras, in 1658, + was served in silver in the trenches, and had ragouts and entremets + served up to his table.] + +“They are in great consternation,” replied the Chevalier. “And what do +they think of us?” “They think,” said he, “that if you beat the Prince, +you will do no more than your duty; if you are beaten, they will +think you fools and madmen, thus to have risked everything, without +considering the consequences.” “Truly,” said the Marquis, “you bring +us very comfortable news. Will you now go to Monsieur de Turenne’s +quarters, to acquaint him with it; or will you choose rather to repose +yourself in mine? for you have been riding post all last night, and +perhaps did not experience much rest in the preceding.” “Where have you +heard that the Chevalier de Grammont had ever any occasion for sleep?” + replied he: “Only order me a horse, that I may have the honour to attend +the Duke of York; for, most likely, he is not in the field so early, +except to visit some posts.” + +The advanced guard was only at cannon shot from that of the enemy. +As soon as they arrived there, “I should like,” said the Chevalier +de Grammont, “to advance as far as the sentry which is posted on that +eminence: I have some friends and acquaintance in their army, whom +I should wish to inquire after: I hope the Duke of York will give me +permission.” At these words he advanced. The sentry, seeing him come +forward directly to his post, stood upon his guard the Chevalier stopped +as soon as he was within shot of him. The sentry answered the sign +which was made to him, and made another to the officer, who had begun to +advance as soon as he had seen the Chevalier come forward, and was soon +up with him; but seeing the Chevalier de Grammont alone, he made no +difficulty to let him approach. He desired leave of this officer to +inquire after some relations he had in their army, and at the same time +asked if the Duke d’Arscot was at the siege. “Sir,” said he, “there he +is, just alighted under those trees, which you see on the left of our +grand guard: it is hardly a minute since he was here with the Prince +d’Aremberg, his brother, the Baron de Limbec, and Louvigny.” “May I +see them upon parole?” said the Chevalier. “Sir,” said he, “if I were +allowed to quit my post, I would do myself the honour of accompanying +you thither; but I will send to acquaint them, that the Chevalier de +Grammont desires to speak to them:” and, after having despatched one +of his guard towards them, he returned. “Sir,” said the Chevalier de +Grammont, “may I take the liberty to inquire how I came to be known to +you?” “Is it possible,” said the other, “that the Chevalier de Grammont +should forget La Motte, who had the honour to serve so long in his +regiment?” “What! is it you, my good friend, La Motte? Truly, I was to +blame for not remembering you, though you are in a dress very different +from that which I first saw you in at Bruxelles, when you taught the +Duchess of Guise to dance the triolets: and I am afraid your affairs are +not in so flourishing a condition as they were the campaign after I had +given you the company you mention.” They were talking in this manner, +when the Duke d’Arscot, followed by the gentlemen above mentioned, came +up on full gallop. The Chevalier de Grammont was saluted by the whole +company before he could say a word. Soon after arrived an immense number +of others of his acquaintance, with many people, out of curiosity, on +both sides, who, seeing him upon the eminence, assembled together with +the greatest eagerness; so that the two armies, without design, without +truce, and without fraud, were going to join in conversation, if, by +chance, Monsieur de Turenne had not perceived it at a distance. The +sight surprised him: he hastened that way; and the Marquis d’Humieres +acquainted him with the arrival of the Chevalier de Grammont, who wished +to speak to the sentry before he went to the headquarters: he added, +that he could not comprehend how the devil he had managed to assemble +both armies around him, for it was hardly a minute since he had left +him. “Truly,” said Monsieur de Turenne, “he is a very extraordinary man; +but it is only reasonable that he should let us now have a little of his +company, since he has paid his first visit to the enemy.” At these words +he despatched an aide-de-camp, to recal the officers of his army, and to +acquaint the Chevalier de Grammont with his impatience to see him. + +This order arrived at the same time, with one of the same nature, to the +enemy’s officers. The Prince de Conde, being informed of this peaceable +interview, was not the least surprised at it, when he heard that it was +occasioned by the arrival of the Chevalier de Grammont. He only gave +Lussan orders to recal the officers, and to desire the Chevalier to meet +him at the same place the next day; which the Chevalier promised to do, +provided Monsieur de Turenne should approve of it, as he made no doubt +he would. + +His reception in the king’s army was equally agreeable as that which he +had experienced from the enemy. Monsieur de Turenne esteemed him no less +for his frankness than for the poignancy of his wit: he took it very +kindly that he was the only courtier who came to see him in a time so +critical as the present: the questions which he asked him about the +court were not so much for information, as to divert himself with +his manner of relating their different apprehensions and alarms. The +Chevalier de Grammont advised him to beat the enemy, if he did not +choose to be answerable for an enterprise which he had undertaken +without consulting the Cardinal. Monsieur de Turenne promised him he +would exert himself to the utmost to follow his advice, and assured him, +that if he succeeded, he would make the queen keep her word with him; +and concluded with saying, that he was not sorry the Prince de Conde +had expressed a desire to see him. His measures were taken for an +attack upon the lines: on this subject he discoursed in private with the +Chevalier de Grammont, and concealed nothing from him except the time +of execution: but this was all to no purpose; for the Chevalier had seen +too much, not to judge, from his own knowledge, and the observations he +had made, that from the situation of the army, the attack could be no +longer deferred. + +He set out the next day for his rendezvous, attended by a trumpet, and +found the Prince at the place which Monsieur de Lussan had described to +him the evening before. As soon as he alighted: “Is it possible,” said +the Prince, embracing him, “that this can be the Chevalier de Grammont, +and that I should see him in the contrary party?” “It is you, my lord, +whom I see there,” replied the Chevalier, “and I refer it to yourself, +whether it was the fault of the Chevalier de Grammont, or your own, that +we now embrace different interests.” “I must confess,” said the Prince, +“that if there are some who have abandoned me like base ungrateful +wretches, you have left me, as I left myself, like a man of honour, who +thinks himself in the right: but let us forget all cause of resentment, +and tell me what was your motive for coming here, you, whom I thought at +Peronne with the court.” “Must I tell you?” said he: “why, faith then, +I came to save your life. I know that you cannot help being in the midst +of the enemy in a day of battle; it is only necessary for your horse +to be shot under you, and to be taken in arms, to meet with the same +treatment from this Cardinal, as your uncle Montmorency did from the +other. + + [Henry, Duke of Montmorency, who was taken prisoner first September, + 1692, and had his head struck off at Toulouse in the month of + November following.] + +“I come, therefore, to hold a horse in readiness for you, in case of +a similar misfortune, that you may not lose your head.” “It is not the +first time,” said the Prince, smiling, “that you have rendered me this +service, though the being taken prisoner at that time could not have +been so dangerous to me as now.” + +From this conversation, they passed to more entertaining subjects. The +Prince asked him many questions concerning the court, the ladies, play, +and about his amours; and returning insensibly to the present situation +of affairs, the Chevalier having inquired after some officers of his +acquaintance, who had remained with him, the Prince told him that if he +chose, he might go to the lines, where he would have an opportunity +not only of seeing those whom he inquired after, but likewise the +disposition of the quarters and entrenchments. To this he consented, and +the Prince having shown him all the works and attended him back to their +rendezvous, “Well, Chevalier,” said he, “when do you think we shall see +you again?” “Faith,” replied he, “you have used me so handsomely, that +I shall conceal nothing from you. Hold yourself in readiness an hour +before daybreak; for, you may depend upon it, we shall attack you +to-morrow morning. I would not have acquainted you with this, perhaps, +had I been entrusted with the secret, but, nevertheless, in the present +case you may believe me.” “You are still the same man,” said the Prince, +again embracing him. The Chevalier returned to Monsieur de Turenne’s +camp towards night; every preparation was then making for the attack of +the lines, and it was no longer a secret among the troops. + +“Well, Monsieur le Chevalier, were they all very glad to see you?” + said Monsieur de Turenne; “the Prince, no doubt, received you with the +greatest kindness, and asked a great number of questions?” “He has +shown me all the civility imaginable,” replied the Chevalier; “and, to +convince me he did not take me for a spy, he led me round the lines +and entrenchments, and showed me the preparations he had made for +your reception.” “And what is his opinion?” said the Marshal. “He is +persuaded that you will attack him to-night, or to-morrow by daybreak; +for you great captains,” continued the Chevalier, “see through each +other’s designs in a wonderful manner.” + +Monsieur de Turenne, with pleasure, received this commendation from +a man who was not indiscriminately accustomed to bestow praise. He +communicated to him the disposition of the attack; and at the same time +acquainted him, that he was very happy that a man who had seen so many +actions was to be present at this; and that he esteemed it no small +advantage to have the benefit of his advice, but as he believed that the +remaining part of the night would be hardly sufficient for his repose, +after having passed the former without any refreshment, he consigned him +to the Marquis d’Humieres, who provided him with a supper and a lodging. + +The next day the lines of Arras were attacked, wherein Monsieur de +Turenne, being victorious, added additional lustre to his former glory; +and the Prince de Conde, though vanquished, lost nothing of his former +reputation. + +There are so many accounts of this celebrated battle, that to mention it +here would be altogether superfluous. The Chevalier de Grammont, who, +as a volunteer, was permitted to go into every part, has given a better +description of it than any other person. Monsieur de Turenne reaped +great advantage from that activity which never forsook the Chevalier +either in peace or war; and that presence of mind which enabled him to +carry orders, as coming from the general, so very apropos, that Monsieur +de Turenne, otherwise very particular in such matters, thanked him, when +the battle was over, in the presence of all his officers, and despatched +him to court with the first news of his success. + +All that is generally necessary in these expeditions, is to be +accustomed to hard riding, and to be well provided with fresh horses, +but he had a great many other obstacles to surmount. In the first +place, the parties of the enemy were dispersed over all the country, +and obstructed his passage. Then he had to prepare against greedy and +officious courtiers, who, on such occasions, post themselves in all the +avenues, in order to cheat the poor courier out of his news. However, +his address preserved him from the one, and deceived the others. + +He had taken eight or ten troopers, commanded by an officer of his +acquaintance, to escort him half way to Bapaume, being persuaded that +the greatest danger would lie between the camp and the first stage. He +had not proceeded a league before he was convinced of the truth of what +he suspected, and turning to the officer who followed him closely, “If +you are not well mounted,” said he, “I would advise you to return to the +camp; for my part, I shall set spurs to my horse, and make the best of +my way.” “Sir,” said the officer, “I hope I shall be able to keep you +company, at whatever rate you go, until you are out of all danger.” + “I doubt that,” replied the Chevalier, “for those gentlemen there seem +prepared to pay us a visit.” “Don’t you see,” said the officer, “they +are some of our own people who are grazing their horses?” “No,” said +the Chevalier; “but I see very well that they are some of the enemy’s +troopers.” Upon which, observing to him that they were mounting, he +ordered the horsemen that escorted him to prepare themselves to make a +diversion, and he himself set off full speed towards Bapaume. + +He was mounted upon a very swift English horse; but having entangled +himself in a hollow way where the ground was deep and miry, he soon +had the troopers at his heels, who, supposing him to be some officer of +rank, would not be deceived, but continued to pursue him without paying +any attention to the others. The best mounted of the party began to +draw near him; for the English horses, swift as the wind on even ground, +proceeded but very indifferently in bad roads; the trooper presented +his carbine, and cried out to him, at some distance, “Good quarter.” The +Chevalier de Grammont, who perceived that they gained upon him, and +that whatever efforts his horse made in such heavy ground, he must be +overtaken at last, immediately quitted the road to Bapaume, and took a +causeway to the left, which led quite a different way; as soon as he had +gained it, he drew up, as if to hear the proposal of the trooper, which +afforded his horse an opportunity of recovering himself; while his +enemy, mistaking his intention, and thinking that he only waited to +surrender, immediately exerted every effort, that he might take him +before the rest of his companions, who were following, could arrive, and +by this means almost killed his horse. + +One minute’s reflection made the Chevalier consider what a disagreeable +adventure it would be, thus coming from so glorious a victory, and +the dangers of a battle so warmly disputed, to be taken by a set of +scoundrels who had not been in it, and, instead of being received in +triumph, and embraced by a great queen, for the important news with +which he was charged, to see himself stripped by the vanquished. + +During this short meditation, the trooper who followed him was arrived +within shot, and still presenting his carbine, offered him good quarter, +but the Chevalier de Grammont, to whom this offer, and the manner in +which it was made, were equally displeasing, made a sign to him to lower +his piece; and perceiving his horse to be in wind, he lowered his hand, +rode off like lightning, and left the trooper in such astonishment that +he even forgot to fire at him. + +As soon as he arrived at Bapaume, he changed horses; the commander of +this place showed him the greatest respect, assuring him that no person +had yet passed; that he would keep the secret, and that he would retain +all that followed him, except the couriers of Monsieur de Turenne. + +He now had only to guard against those who would be watching for him +about the environs of Peronne, to return as soon as they saw him, +and carry his news to court, without being acquainted with any of the +particulars. He knew very well that Marshal du Plessis, Marshal de +Villeroy, and Gaboury, had boasted of this to the Cardinal before his +departure. Wherefore, to elude this snare, he hired two well-mounted +horsemen at Bapaume, and as soon as he had got a league from that place, +and after giving them each two louis d’ors, to secure their fidelity, +he ordered them to ride on before, to appear very much terrified, and +to tell all those who should ask them any questions, “that all was lost, +that the Chevalier de Grammont had stopped at Bapaume, having no great +inclination to be the messenger of ill news; and that as for themselves, +they had been pursued by the enemy’s troopers, who were spread over the +whole country since the defeat.” + +Everything succeeded to his wish: the horsemen were intercepted by +Gaboury, whose eagerness had outstripped the two marshals’; but whatever +questions were asked them, they acted their parts so well, that Peronne +was already in consternation, and rumours of the defeat were whispered +among the courtiers, when the Chevalier de Grammont arrived. + +Nothing so enhances the value of good news, as when a false alarm of +bad has preceded; yet, though the Chevalier’s was accompanied with this +advantage, none but their Majesties received it with that transport of +joy it deserved. + +The queen kept her promise to him in the most fascinating manner: +she embraced him before the whole court; the king appeared no less +delighted; but the Cardinal, whether with the view of lessening the +merit of an action which deserved a handsome reward, or whether it +was from a return of that insolence which always accompanied him in +prosperity, appeared at first not to pay any attention to what he said, +and being afterwards informed that the lines had been forced, that the +Spanish army was beaten, and that Arras was relieved, “Is the Prince de +Conde taken?” said he. “No,” replied the Chevalier de Grammont. “He is +dead then, I suppose?” said the Cardinal. “Not so, neither,” answered +the Chevalier. “Fine news indeed!” said the Cardinal, with an air of +contempt; and at these words he went into the queen’s cabinet with +their majesties. And happy it was for the Chevalier that he did so, for +without doubt he would have given him some severe reply, in resentment +for those two fine questions, and the conclusion he had drawn from them. + +The court was filled with the Cardinal’s spies: the Chevalier, as is +usual on such an occasion, was surrounded by a crowd of courtiers and +inquisitive people, and he was very glad to ease himself of some part +of the load which laid heavy on his heart, within the hearing of the +Cardinal’s creatures, and which he would perhaps have told him to his +face. “Faith, gentlemen,” said he, with a sneer, “there is nothing like +being zealous and eager in the service of kings and great princes: you +have seen what a gracious reception his Majesty has given me; you are +likewise witnesses in what an obliging manner the queen kept her promise +with me; but as for the Cardinal, he has received my news as if he +gained no more by it than he did by the death of Peter Mazarin.” + + [Peter Mazarin was father to the Cardinal. He was a native of + Palermo in Sicily, which place he left in order to settle at Rome, + where he died in the year 1654.] + +This was sufficient to terrify all those who were sincerely attached +to him; and the best established fortune would have been ruined at some +period by a jest much less severe: for it was delivered in the presence +of witnesses, who were only desirous of having an opportunity of +representing it in its utmost malignancy, to make a merit of their +vigilance with a powerful and absolute minister. Of this the Chevalier +de Grammont was thoroughly convinced; yet whatever detriment he foresaw +might arise from it, he could not help being much pleased with what he +had said. + +The spies very faithfully discharged their duty: however, the affair +took a very different turn from what they expected. The next day, when +the Chevalier de Grammont was present while their Majesties were at +dinner, the Cardinal came in, and coming up to him, everybody making way +for him out of respect: “Chevalier,” said he, “the news which you have +brought is very good, their Majesties are very well satisfied with it; +and to convince you it is more advantageous to me than the death of +Peter Mazarin, if you will come and dine with me we will have some play +together; for the queen will give us something to play for, over and +above her first promise.” + +In this manner did the Chevalier de Grammont dare to provoke a powerful +minister, and this was all the resentment which the least vindictive of +all statesmen expressed on the occasion. It was indeed very unusual for +so young a man to reverence the authority of ministers no farther, than +as they were themselves respectable by their merit; for this, his own +breast, as well as the whole court, applauded him, and he enjoyed the +satisfaction of being the only man who durst preserve the least shadow +of liberty, in a general state of servitude; but it was perhaps owing +to the Cardinal’s passing over this insult with impunity, that +he afterwards drew upon himself some difficulties, by other rash +expressions less fortunate in the event. + +In the mean time the court returned: the Cardinal, who was sensible that +he could no longer keep his master in a state of tutelage, being himself +worn out with cares and sickness, and having amassed treasures he knew +not what to do with, and being sufficiently loaded with the weight +of public odium, he turned all his thoughts towards terminating, in a +manner the most advantageous for France, a ministry which had so cruelly +shaken that kingdom. Thus, while he was earnestly laying the foundations +of a peace so ardently wished for, pleasure and plenty began to reign at +court. + +The Chevalier de Grammont experienced for a long time a variety of +fortune in love and gaming: he was esteemed by the courtiers, beloved by +beauties whom he neglected, and a dangerous favourite of those whom +he admired; more successful in play than in his amours; but the one +indemnifying him for want of success in the other, he was always full of +life and spirits; and in all transactions of importance, always a man of +honour. + +It is a pity that we must be forced here to interrupt the course of his +history, by an interval of some years, as has been already done at +the commencement of these memoirs. In a life where the most minute +circumstances are always singular and diverting, we can meet with no +chasm which does not afford regret; but whether he did not think them +worthy of holding a place among his other adventures, or that he has +only preserved a confused idea of them, we must pass to the parts of +these fragments which are better ascertained, that we may arrive at the +subject of his journey to England. + +The peace of the Pyrenees, the king’s marriage,--the return of the +Prince de Conde, and the death of the Cardinal, gave a new face to the +state. + + [Louis XIV. married Maria Theresa of Austria. She was born 20th + September, 1638, married 1st June, 1660, and entered Paris 26th + August following. She died at Versailles 30th July, 1683, and was + buried at St. Denis.] + +The eyes of the whole nation were fixed upon their king, who, for +nobleness of mien, and gracefulness of person, had no equal; but it was +not then known that he was possessed of those superior abilities, which, +filling his subjects with admiration, in the end made him so formidable +to Europe. Love and ambition, the invisible springs of the intrigues +and cabals of all courts, attentively observed his first steps: pleasure +promised herself an absolute empire over a prince who had been kept +in ignorance of the necessary rules of government, and ambition had no +hopes of reigning in the court except in the minds of those who were +able to dispute the management of affairs; when men were surprised +to see the king on a sudden display such brilliant abilities, which +prudence, in some measure necessary, had so long obliged him to conceal. + +An application, inimical to the pleasures which generally attract that +age, and which unlimited power very seldom refuses, attached him solely +to the cares of government: all admired this wonderful change, but +all did not find their account in it: the great lost their consequence +before an absolute master, and the courtiers approached with reverential +awe the sole object of their respects and the sole master of their +fortunes: those who had conducted themselves like petty tyrants in +their provinces, and on the frontiers, were now no more than governors: +favours, according to the king’s pleasure, were sometimes conferred on +merit, and sometimes for services done the state; but to importune, or +to menace the court, was no longer the method to obtain them. + +The Chevalier de Grammont regarded his master’s attention to the affairs +of state as a prodigy: he could not conceive how he could submit at his +age to the rules he prescribed himself, or that he should give up so +many hours of pleasure, to devote them to the tiresome duties, and +laborious functions of government; but he blessed the Lord that +henceforward no more homage was to be paid, no more court to be made, +but to him alone, to whom they were justly due. Disdaining as he did +the servile adoration usually paid to a minister, he could never crouch +before the power of the two Cardinals who succeeded each other: +he neither worshipped the arbitrary power of the one, nor gave his +approbation to the artifices of the other; he had never received +anything from Cardinal Richelieu but an abbey, which, on account of +his rank, could not be refused him; and he never acquired anything from +Mazarin but what he won of him at play. + +By many years’ experience under an able general he had acquired a talent +for war; but this during a general peace was of no further service to +him. He therefore thought that, in the midst of a court flourishing in +beauties and abounding in wealth, he could not employ himself better +than in endeavouring to gain the good opinion of his master, in making +the best use of those advantages which nature had given him for play, +and in putting in practice new stratagems in love. + +He succeeded very well in the two first of these projects, and as he had +from that time laid it down as the rule of his conduct to attach himself +solely to the king in all his views of preferment, to have no regard for +favour unless when it was supported by merit, to make himself beloved by +the courtiers and feared by the minister, to dare to undertake anything +in order to do good, and to engage in nothing at the expense of +innocence, he soon became one in all the king’s parties of pleasure, +without gaining the ill will of the courtiers. In play he was +successful, in love unfortunate; or, to speak more properly, his +restlessness and jealousy overcame his natural prudence, in a situation +wherein he had most occasion for it. La Motte Agencourt was one of the +maids of honour to the queen dowager, and, though no sparkling beauty, +she had drawn away lovers from the celebrated Meneville. + + [These two ladies at this period seem to have made a distinguished + figure in the annals of gallantry. One of their contemporaries + mentions them in these terms: “In this case, perhaps, I can give a + better account than most people; as, for instance, they had raised a + report, when the queen-mother expelled Mademoiselle de la Motte + Agencourt, that it was on his score, when I am assured, upon very + good grounds, that it was for entertaining the Marquis de Richelieu + against her majesty’s express command. This lady, who was one of + her maids of honour, was a person whom I was particularly acquainted + with; and that so much, as I was supposed to have a passion for her: + she was counted one of the finest women of the court, and therefore + I was not at all displeased to have it thought so; for except + Mademoiselle de Meneville, (who had her admirers,) there was none + that could pretend to dispute it” Memoirs of the Comte de Rochfort, + 1696, p. 210. See also Anquetil, Louis XVI. sa Cour et le Regent, + tome i. p. 46.] + +It was sufficient in those days for the king to cast his eye upon a +young lady of the court to inspire her with hopes, and often with tender +sentiments; but if he spoke to her more than once, the courtiers took it +for granted, and those who had either pretensions to, or love for her, +respectfully withdrew both the one and the other, and afterwards only +paid her respect; but the Chevalier de Grammont thought fit to act quite +otherwise, perhaps to preserve a singularity of character, which upon +the present occasion was of no avail. + +He had never before thought of her, but as soon as he found that she +was honoured with the king’s attention, he was of opinion that she +was likewise deserving of his. Having attached himself to her, he soon +became very troublesome, without convincing her he was much in love. +She grew weary of his persecutions, but he would not desist, neither on +account of her ill-treatment nor of her threats. This conduct of his at +first made no great noise, because she was in hopes that he would change +his behaviour; but finding him rashly persist in it, she complained +of him: and then it was that he perceived that if love renders all +conditions equal, it is not so between rivals. He was banished the +court, and not finding any place in France which could console him for +what he most regretted--the presence and sight of his prince--after +having made some slight reflections upon his disgrace, and bestowed a +few imprecations against her who was the cause of it, he at last formed +the resolution of visiting England. + + + + +CHAPTER SIXTH. HIS ARRIVAL AT THE ENGLISH COURT--THE VARIOUS PERSONAGES +OF THIS COURT + + +Curiosity to see a man equally famous for his crimes and his elevation, +had once before induced the Chevalier de Grammont to visit England. +Reasons of state assume great privileges. Whatever appears advantageous +is lawful, and every thing that is necessary is honourable in politics. +While the King of England sought the protection of Spain in the Low +Countries, and that of the States-General in Holland, other powers sent +splendid embassies to Cromwell. + +This man, whose ambition had opened him a way to sovereign power by +the greatest crimes, maintained himself in it by accomplishments which +seemed to render him worthy of it by their lustre. The nation, of all +Europe the least submissive, patiently bore a yoke which did not even +leave her the shadow of that liberty of which she is so jealous; and +Cromwell, master of the Commonwealth, under the title of Protector, +feared at home, but yet more dreaded abroad, was at his highest pitch of +glory when he was seen by the Chevalier de Grammont; but the Chevalier +did not see any appearance of a court. One part of the nobility +proscribed, the other removed from employments; an affectation of purity +of manners, instead of the luxury which the pomp of courts displays all +taken together, presented nothing but sad and serious objects in the +finest city in the world; and therefore the Chevalier acquired nothing +by this voyage but the idea of some merit in a profligate man, and the +admiration of some concealed beauties he had found means to discover. + +Affairs wore quite a different appearance at his second voyage. The joy +for the restoration of the royal family still appeared in all parts. +The nation, fond of change and novelty, tasted the pleasure of a natural +government, and seemed to breathe again after a long oppression. In +short, the same people who, by a solemn abjuration, had excluded +even the posterity of their lawful sovereign, exhausted themselves in +festivals and rejoicings for his return. + +The Chevalier de Grammont arrived about two years after the restoration. +The reception he met with in this court soon made him forget the other; +and the engagements he in the end contracted in England lessened the +regret he had in leaving France. + +This was a desirable retreat for an exile of his disposition. + +Everything flattered his taste, and if the adventures he had in this +country were not the most considerable, they were at least the most +agreeable of his life. But before we relate them it will not be improper +to give some account of the English court, as it was at that period. + +The necessity of affairs had exposed Charles II. from his earliest youth +to the toils and perils of a bloody war. The fate of the king his father +had left him for inheritance nothing but his misfortunes and disgraces. +They overtook him everywhere; but it was not until he had struggled with +his ill-fortune to the last extremity that he submitted to the decrees +of Providence. + +All those who were either great on account of their birth or their +loyalty had followed him into exile; and all the young persons of the +greatest distinction having afterwards joined him, composed a court +worthy of a better fate. + +Plenty and prosperity, which are thought to tend only to corrupt +manners, found nothing to spoil in an indigent and wandering court. +Necessity, on the contrary, which produces a thousand advantages whether +we will or no, served them for education; and nothing was to be seen +among them but an emulation in glory, politeness, and virtue. + +With this little court, in such high esteem for merit, the King of +England returned two years prior to the period we mention, to ascend a +throne which, to all appearances, he was to fill as worthily as the +most glorious of his predecessors. The magnificence displayed on thus +occasion was renewed at his coronation. + +The death of the Duke of Gloucester, and of the Princess Royal, which +followed soon after, had interrupted the course of this splendour by +a tedious mourning, which they quitted at last to prepare for the +reception of the Infanta of Portugal. + + [The Princess Royal: Mary, eldest daughter of Charles I., born + November 4th, 1631, married to the Prince of Orange, 2nd May, 1641, + who died 27th October, 1650. She arrived in England, September + 23rd, and died of the smallpox, December 24th, 1660,-according to + Bishop Burnet, not much lamented. “She had lived,” says the author, + “in her widowhood for some years with great reputation, kept a + decent court, and supported her brothers very liberally; and lived + within bounds. But her mother, who had the art of making herself + believe anything she had a mind to, upon a conversation with the + queen-mother of France, fancied the King of France might be inclined + to marry her. So she wrote to her to come to Paris. In order to + that, she made an equipage far above what she could support. So she + ran herself into debt, sold all her jewels, and some estates that + were in her power as her son’s guardian; and was not only + disappointed of that vain expectation, but fell into some + misfortunes that lessened the reputation she had formerly lived in.” + History of his Own Times, vol. i., p. 238. She was mother of + William III.] + + [“The Infanta, of Portugal landed in May (1662) at Portsmouth. The + king went thither, and was married privately by Lord Aubigny, a + secular priest, and almoner to the queen, according to the rites of + Rome, in the queen’s chamber; none present but the Portuguese + ambassador, three more Portuguese of quality, and two or three + Portuguese women. What made this necessary was, that the Earl of + Sandwich did not marry her by proxy, as usual, before she came away. + How this happened, the duke knows not, nor did the chancellor know + of this private marriage. The queen would not be bedded, till + pronounced man and wife by Sheldon, bishop of London.”--Extract 2, + from King James II.’s Journal.--Macpherson’s State Papers, vol. i. + In the same collection is a curious letter from the King to Lord + Clarendon, giving his opinion of the queen after having seen her.] + +It was in the height of the rejoicings they were making for this new +queen, in all the splendour of a brilliant court, that the Chevalier de +Grammont arrived to contribute to its magnificence and diversions. + +Accustomed as he was to the grandeur of the court of France, he was +surprised at the politeness and splendour of the court of England. The +king was inferior to none, either in shape or air; his wit was pleasant; +his disposition easy and affable; his soul, susceptible of opposite +impressions, was compassionate to the unhappy, inflexible to the wicked, +and tender even to excess; he showed great abilities in urgent affairs, +but was incapable of application to any that were not so: his heart was +often the dupe, but oftener the slave, of his engagements. + +The character of the Duke of York was entirely different he had the +reputation of undaunted courage, an inviolable attachment for his word, +great economy in his affairs, hauteur, application, arrogance, each in +their turn: a scrupulous observer of the rules of duty and the laws of +justice; he was accounted a faithful friend, and an implacable enemy. + + [James, Duke of York, afterwards King James II. He was born 15th + October, 1633; succeeded his brother 6th February, 1684-5; abdicated + the crown in 1688; and died 6th September, 1701. Bishop Burnet’s + character of him appears not very far from the truth.--“He was,” + says this writer, “very brave in his youth; and so much magnified by + Monsieur Turenne, that till his marriage lessened him, he really + clouded the king, and passed for the superior genius. He was + naturally candid and sincere, and a firm friend, till affairs and + his religion wore out all his first principles and inclinations he + had a great desire to understand affairs: and in order to that he + kept a constant journal of all that passed, of which he showed me a + great deal. The Duke of Buckingham gave me once a short but severe + character of the two brothers. It was the more severe, because it + was true: the king, (he said,) could see things if he would: and the + duke would see things if he could. He had no true judgment, and was + soon determined by those whom he trusted: but he was obstinate + against all other advices. He was bred with high notions of kingly + authority, and laid it down for a maxim, that all who opposed the + king were rebels in their hearts. He was perpetually in one amour + or other, without being very nice in his choice: upon which the king + once said, he believed his brother had his mistress given him by his + priests for penance. He was naturally eager and revengeful: and was + against the taking off any, that set up in an opposition to the + measures of the court, and who by that means grew popular in the + house of commons. He was for rougher methods. He continued many + years dissembling his religion, and seemed zealous for the church of + England, but it was chiefly on design to hinder all propositions, + that tended to unite us among ourselves. He was a frugal prince, + and brought his court into method and magnificence, for he had + L100,000. a-year allowed him. He was made high admiral, and he came + to understand all the concerns of the sea very particularly.”] + +His morality and justice, struggling for some time with prejudice, had +at last triumphed, by his acknowledging for his wife Miss Hyde, maid of +honour to the Princess Royal, whom he had secretly married in Holland. +Her father, from that time prime minister of England, supported by this +new interest, soon rose to the head of affairs, and had almost ruined +them: not that he wanted capacity, but he was too self-sufficient. + +The Duke of Ormond possessed the confidence and esteem of his master: +the greatness of his services, the splendour of his merit and his birth, +and the fortune he had abandoned in adhering to the fate of his prince, +rendered him worthy of it nor durst the courtiers even murmur at seeing +him grand steward of the household, first lord of the bed-chamber, +and lord-lieutenant of Ireland. He exactly resembled the Marshal de +Grammont, in the turn of his wit and the nobleness of his manners: and +like him was the honour of his master’s court. + +The Duke of Buckingham and the Earl of St. Albans were the same in +England as they appeared in France: the one full of wit and vivacity, +dissipated, without splendour, an immense estate upon which he had +just entered: the other, a man of no great genius, had raised himself a +considerable fortune from nothing, and by losing at play, and keeping a +great table, made it appear greater than it was. + + [“The Duke of Buckingham is again one hundred and forty thousand + pounds in debt; and by this prorogation his creditors have time to + tear all his lands to pieces.”--Andrew Marvell’s Works, 4to. edit., + vol. i. p. 406.] + +Sir George Berkeley, afterwards Earl of Falmouth, was the confidant +and favourite of the King: he commanded the Duke of York’s regiment of +guards, and governed the Duke himself. He had nothing very remarkable +either in his wit, or his person; but his sentiments were worthy of the +fortune which awaited him, when, on the very point of his elevation, he +was killed at sea. Never did disinterestedness so perfectly characterise +the greatness of the soul: he had no views but what tended to the glory +of his master: his credit was never employed but in advising him +to reward services, or to confer favours on merit: so polished in +conversation, that the greater his power, the greater was his humility; +and so sincere in all his proceedings, that he would never have been +taken for a courtier. + +The Duke of Ormond’s sons and his nephews had been in the king’s court +during his exile, and were far from diminishing its lustre after +his return. The Earl of Arran had a singular address in all kinds of +exercises, played well at tennis and on the guitar, and was pretty +successful in gallantry: his elder brother, the Earl of Ossory, was not +so lively, but of the most liberal sentiments, and of great probity. + +The elder of the Hamiltons, their cousin, was the man who of all the +court dressed best: he was well made in his person, and possessed those +happy talents which lead to fortune, and procure success in love: he was +a most assiduous courtier, had the most lively wit, the most polished +manners, and the most punctual attention to his master imaginable: no +person danced better, nor was any one a more general lover: a merit of +some account in a court entirely devoted to love and gallantry. It is +not at all surprising, that with these qualities he succeeded my Lord +Falmouth in the King’s favour; but it is very extraordinary that he +should have experienced the same destiny, as if this sort of war had +been declared against merit only, and as if this sort of combat was +fatal to none but such as had certain hopes of a splendid fortune. This, +however, did not happen till some years afterwards. + +The beau Sydney, less dangerous than he appeared to be, had not +sufficient vivacity to support the impression which his figure made; but +little Jermyn was on all sides successful in his intrigues. + + [Robert Sydney, third son of the Earl of Leicester, and brother of + the famous Algernon Sydney, who was beheaded. This is Lord Orford’s + account; though, on less authority, I should have been inclined to + have considered Henry Sydney, his younger brother, who was + afterwards created Earl of Rumney, and died 8th April, 1704, as the + person intended. There are some circumstances which seem + particularly to point to him. Burnet, speaking of him, says, “he + was a, graceful man, and had lived long in the court, where he lead + some adventures that became very public. He was a man of a sweet + and caressing temper, had no malice in his heart, but too great a + love of pleasure. He had been sent envoy to Holland in the year + 1679, where he entered into such particular confidences with the + prince, that he had the highest measure of his trust and favour that + any Englishman ever had.”--History of his Own Times, vol. ii., p. + 494. + + In the Essay on Satire, by Dryden and Mulgrave, he is spoken of in + no very decent terms. + + “And little Sid, for simile renown’d, + Pleasure has always sought, but never found + Though all his thoughts on wine and women fall, + His are so bad, sure he ne’er thinks at all. + The flesh he lives upon is rank and strong; + His meat and mistresses are kept too long. + But sure we all mistake this pious man, + Who mortifies his person all he can + What we uncharitably take for sin, + Are only rules of this odd capuchin; + For never hermit, under grave pretence, + Has lived more contrary to common sense.” + + These verses, however, have been applied to Sir Charles Sedley, + whose name was originally spelt Sidley. Robert Sydney died at + Pensburst, 1674.] + +The old Earl of St. Albans, his uncle, had for a long time adopted him, +though the youngest of all his nephews. It is well known what a table +the good man kept at Paris, while the King his master was starving at +Brussels, and the Queen Dowager, his mistress, lived not over well in +France. + + [To what a miserable state the queen was reduced may be seen in the + following extract from De Retz.--“Four or five days before the king + removed from Paris, I went to visit the Queen of England, whom I + found in her daughter’s chamber, who hath been since Duchess of + Orleans. At my coming in she said, ‘You see I am come to keep + Henrietta company. The poor child could not rise to-day for want of + a fire.’ The truth is, that the cardinal for six months together + had not ordered her any money towards her pension; that no + trades-people would trust her for anything; and that there was not at + her lodgings in the Louvre one single billet. You will do me the + justice to suppose that the Princess of England did not keep her bed + the next day for want of a faggot; but it was not this which the + Princess of Conde meant in her letter. What she spoke about was, + that some days after my visiting the Queen of England, I remembered + the condition I had found her in, and had strongly represented the + shame of abandoning her in that manner, which caused the parliament + to send 40,000 livres to her majesty. Posterity will hardly believe + that a Princess of England, grand-daughter of Henry the Great, hath + wanted a faggot, in the month of January, to get out of bed in the + Louvre, and in the eyes of a French court. We read in histories, + with horror, of baseness less monstrous than this; and the little + concern I have met with about it in most people’s minds, has obliged + me to make, I believe, a thousand times, this reflection,--that + examples of times past move men beyond comparison more than those of + their own times. We accustom ourselves to what we see; and I have + sometimes told you, that I doubted whether Caligula’s horse being + made a consul would have surprised us so much as we imagine.” + --Memoirs, vol. i., p. 261. As for the relative situation of the king + and Lord Jermyn, (afterwards St. Albans,) Lord Clarendon says, that + the “Marquis of Ormond was compelled to put himself in prison, with + other gentlemen, at a pistole a-week for his diet, and to walk the + streets a-foot, which was no honourable custom in Paris, whilst the + Lord Jermyn kept an excellent table for those who courted him, and + had a coach of his own, and all other accommodations incident to the + most full fortune: and if the king had the most urgent occasion for + the use but of twenty pistoles, as sometimes he had, he could not + find credit to borrow it, which he often had experiment of.” + --History of the Rebellion, vol. iii., p. 2.] + +Jermyn, supported by his uncle’s wealth, found it no difficult matter to +make a considerable figure upon his arrival at the court of the Princess +of Orange: the poor courtiers of the king her brother could not vie with +him in point of equipage and magnificence; and these two articles often +produce as much success in love as real merit: there is no necessity +for any other example than the present; for though Jermyn was brave, +and certainly a gentleman, yet he had neither brilliant actions, nor +distinguished rank, to set him off; and as for his fibre, there was +nothing advantageous in it. He was little: his head was large and his +legs small; his features were not disagreeable, but he was affected in +his carriage and behaviour. All his wit consisted in expressions learnt +by rote, which he occasionally employed either in raillery, or in love. +This was the whole foundation of the merit of a man so formidable in +amours. + +The Princess Royal was the first who was taken with him: Miss Hyde +seemed to be following the steps of her mistress: this immediately +brought him into credit, and his reputation was established in England +before his arrival. Prepossession in the minds of women is sufficient +to find access to their hearts: Jermyn found them in dispositions so +favourable for him, that he had nothing to do but to speak. + +It was in vain they perceived that a reputation so lightly established, +was still more weakly sustained: the prejudice remained: the Countess of +Castlemaine, a woman lively and discerning followed the delusive shadow; +and though undeceived in a reputation which promised so much, and +performed so little, she nevertheless continued in her infatuation: she +even persisted in it, until she was upon the point of embroiling herself +with the King; so great was this first instance of her constancy. + +Such were the heroes of the court. As for the beauties, you could not +look anywhere without seeing them: those of the greatest reputation were +this same Countess of Castlemaine, afterwards Duchess of Cleveland, Lady +Chesterfield, Lady Shrewsbury, the Mrs. Roberts, Mrs. Middleton, the +Misses Brooks, and a thousand others, who shone at court with equal +lustre; but it was Miss Hamilton and Miss Stewart who were its chief +ornaments. + + [Lady Shrewsbury: Anna, Maria, Countess of Shrewsbury, eldest + daughter of Robert Brudenel, Earl of Cardigan, and wife of Francis, + Earl of Shrewsbury, who was killed in a duel by George, Duke of + Buckingham, March 16, 1667. She afterwards re-married with George + Rodney Bridges, Esq., second son of Sir Thomas Bridges of Keynsham, + in Somersetshire, knight, and died April 20, 1702. By her second + husband she had one son, George Rodney Bridges, who died in 1751. + This woman is said to have been so abandoned, as to have held, in + the habit of a page, her gallant, the duke’s horse, while he fought + and killed her husband; after which she went to bed with him, + stained with her husband’s blood.] + +The new queen gave but little additional brilliancy to the court, either +in her person or in her retinue, which was then composed of the Countess +de Panetra, who came over with her in quality of lady of the bedchamber; +six frights, who called themselves maids of honour, and a duenna, +another monster, who took the title of governess to those extraordinary +beauties. + + [Lord Clarendon confirms, in some measure, this account. “There + was a numerous family of men and women, that were sent from + Portugal, the most improper to promote that conformity in the queen + that was necessary for her condition and future happiness that could + be chosen; the women, for the most part, old, and ugly, and proud, + incapable of any conversation with persons of quality and a liberal + education: and they desired, and indeed had conspired so far to + possess the queen themselves, that she should neither learn the + English language, nor use their habit, nor depart from the manners + and fashions of her own country in any particulars: which + resolution,” they told, “would be for the dignity of Portugal, and + would quickly induce the English ladies to conform to her majesty’s + practice. And this imagination had made that impression, that the + tailor who had been sent into Portugal to make her clothes could + never be admitted to see her, or receive any employment. Nor when + she came to Portsmouth, and found there several ladies of honour and + prime quality to attend her in the places to which they were + assigned by the king, did she receive any of them till the king + himself came; nor then with any grace, or the liberty that belonged + to their places and offices. She could not be persuaded to be + dressed out of the wardrobe that the king had sent to her, but would + wear the clothes which she had brought, until she found that the + king was displeased, and would be obeyed; whereupon she conformed, + against the advice of her women, who continued their opiniatrety, + without any one of them receding from their own mode, which exposed + them the more to reproach.”--Continuation of Clarendon’s Life, p. + 168. In a short time after their arrival in England, they were + ordered back to Portugal.] + +Among the men were Francisco de Melo, brother to the Countess de +Panetra; one Taurauvedez, who called himself Don Pedro Francisco Correo +de Silva, extremely handsome, but a greater fool than all the Portuguese +put together: he was more vain of his names than of his person; but the +Duke of Buckingham, a still greater fool than he, though more addicted +to raillery, gave him the additional name of Peter of the Wood. He +was so enraged at this, that, after many fruitless complaints and +ineffectual menaces, poor Pedro de Silva was obliged to leave England, +while the happy duke kept possession of a Portuguese nymph more hideous +than the queen’s maids of honour, whom he had taken from him, as well as +two of his names. Besides these, there were six chaplains, four bakers, +a Jew perfumer, and a certain officer, probably without an office, who +called himself her highness’s barber. Katharine de Braganza was far from +appearing with splendour in the charming court where she came to reign; +however, in the end she was pretty successful. + + [Lord Clarendon says, “the queen had beauty and wit enough to make + herself agreeable to him (the king); and it is very certain, that, + at their first meeting, and for some time after, the King had very + good satisfaction in her.... Though she was of years enough + to have had more experience of the world, and of as much wit as + could be wished, and of a humour very agreeable at some seasons, + yet, she had been bred, according to the mode and discipline of her + country, in a monastery, where she had only seen the women who + attended her, and conversed with the religious who resided there; + and, without doubt, in her inclinations, was enough disposed to have + been one of that number: and from this restraint she was called out + to be a great queen, and to a free conversation in a court that was + to be upon the matter new formed, and reduced from the manners of a + licentious age to the old rules and limits which had been observed + in better times; to which regular and decent conformity the present + disposition of men or women was not enough inclined to submit, nor + the king enough disposed to exact.”--Continuation of Lord + Clarendon’s Life, p. 167. After some struggle, she submitted to the + king’s licentious conduct, and from that time lived upon easy terms + with him, until his death. On the 30th March, 1692, she left + Somerset-house, her usual residence, and retired to Lisbon, where + she died, 31st December, 1705, N. S.] + +The Chevalier de Grammont, who had been long known to the royal family, +and to most of the gentlemen of the court, had only to get acquainted +with the ladies; and for this he wanted no interpreter: they all +spoke French enough to explain themselves, and they all understood it +sufficiently to comprehend what he had to say to them. + +The queen’s court was always very numerous; that of the duchess was less +so, but more select. This princess had a majestic air, a pretty good +shape, not much beauty, a great deal of wit, and so just a discernment +of merit, that, whoever of either sex were possessed of it, were sure to +be distinguished by her: an air of grandeur in all her actions made her +be considered as if born to support the rank: which placed her so near +the throne. + + [“The Duchess of York,” says Bishop Burnet, “was a very + extraordinary woman. She had great knowledge, and a lively sense of + things. She soon understood what belonged to a princess, and took + state on her rather too much. She wrote well, and had begun the + duke’s life, of which she showed me a volume. It was all drawn from + his journal; and he intended to have employed me in carrying it on. + She was bred in great strictness in religion, and practised secret + confession. Morley told me he was her confessor. She began at + twelve years old, and continued under his direction till, upon her + father’s disgrace, he was put from the court. She was generous and + friendly, but was too severe an enemy.”--history of his Own Times, + vol. i., p. 237. She was contracted to the duke at Breda, + November 24, 1659, and married at Worcester-house, 3rd September, + 1660, in the night, between eleven and two, by Dr. Joseph Crowther, + the duke’s chaplain; the Lord Ossory giving her in marriage. + --Kennet’s Register, p. 246. She died 31st March, 1671, having + previously acknowledged herself to be a Roman Catholic.--See also + her character by Bishop Morley.--Kennet’s Register, p. 385, 390.] + +The queen dowager returned after the marriage of the princess royal, and +it was in her court that the two others met. + +The Chevalier de Grammont was soon liked by all parties those who +had not known him before were surprised to see a Frenchman of his +disposition. The king’s restoration having drawn a great number of +foreigners from all countries to the court, the French were rather in +disgrace; for, instead of any persons of distinction having appeared +among the first who came over, they had only seen some insignificant +puppies, each striving to outdo the other in folly and extravagance, +despising everything which was not like themselves, and thinking they +introduced the ‘bel air’, by treating the English as strangers in their +own country. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, on the contrary, was familiar with everybody: +he gave in to their customs, eat of everything, and easily habituated +himself to their manner of living, which he looked upon as neither +vulgar nor barbarous; and as he showed a natural complaisance, instead +of the impertinent affectation of the others, all the nation was charmed +with a man, who agreeably indemnified them for what they had suffered +from the folly of the former. + +He first of all made his court to the king, and was of all his parties +of pleasure: he played high, and lost but seldom: he found so little +difference in the manners and conversation of those with whom he +chiefly associated, that he could scarcely believe he was out of his +own country. Everything which could agreeably engage a man of his +disposition, presented itself to his different humours, as if the +pleasures of the court of France had quitted it to accompany him in his +exile. + +He was every day engaged for some entertainment; and those who wished to +regale him in their turn, were obliged to take their measures in time, +and to invite him eight or ten days before hand. These importunate +civilities became tiresome in the long run; but as they seemed +indispensable to a man of his disposition, and as they were the most +genteel people of the court who loaded him with them, he submitted with +a good grace; but always reserved to himself the liberty of supping at +home. + +His supper hour depended upon play, and was indeed very uncertain; +but his supper was always served up with the greatest elegance, by the +assistance of one or two servants, who were excellent caterers and good +attendants, but understood cheating still better. + +The company, at these little entertainments, was not numerous, but +select: the first people of the court were commonly of the party; but +the man, who of all others suited him best on these occasions, never +failed to attend: that was the celebrated Saint Evremond, who with great +exactness, but too great freedom, had written the history of the treaty +of the Pyrenees: an exile like himself, though for very different +reasons. + +Happily for them both, fortune had, some time before the arrival of the +Chevalier de Grammont, brought Saint Evremond to England, after he had +had leisure to repent in Holland of the beauties of that famous satire. + + [Charles de St. Denis, Seigneur de Saint Evremond, was born at St. + Denis le Guast, in Lower Normandy, on the 1st of April, 1613. He + was educated at Paris, with a view to the profession of the law; but + he early quitted that pursuit, and went into the army, where he + signalized himself on several occasions. At the time of the + Pyrenean treaty, he wrote a letter censuring the conduct of Cardinal + Mazarin, which occasioned his being banished France. He first took + refuge in Holland; but, in 1662, he removed into England, where he + continued, with a short interval, during the rest of his life. In + 1675, the Duchess of Mazarin came to reside in England; and with her + St. Evremond passed much of his time. He preserved his health and + cheerfulness to a very great age, and died 9th of September, 1703, + aged ninety years, five months, and twenty days. His biographer + Monsieur Des Maizeaux, describes him thus: “M. de St. Evremond had + blue, lively, and sparkling eyes, a large forehead, thick eyebrows, + a handsome mouth, and a sneering physiognomy. Twenty years before + his death, a wen grew between his eye-brows, which in time increased + to a considerable bigness. He once designed to have it cut off, but + as it was no ways troublesome to him, and he little regarded that + kind of deformity, Dr. Le Fevre advised him to let it alone, lest + such an operation should be attended with dangerous symptoms in a + man of his age. He would often make merry with himself on account + of his wen, his great leather cap, and grey hair, which he chose to + wear rather than a periwig.” St. Evremond was a kind of Epicurean + philosopher, and drew his own character in the following terms, in a + letter to Count de Grammont. “He was a philosopher equally removed + from superstition and impiety; a voluptuary who had no less aversion + from debauchery than inclination for pleasure: a man who had never + felt the pressure of indigence, and who had never been in possession + of affluence: he lived in a condition despised by those who have + everything, envied by those who have nothing, and relished by those + who make their reason the foundation of their happiness. When he + was young he hated profusion, being persuaded that some degree of + wealth was necessary for the conveniencies of a long life: when he + was old, he could hardly endure economy, being of opinion that want + is little to be dreaded when a man has but little time left to be + miserable. He was well pleased with nature, and did not complain of + fortune. He hated vice, was indulgent to frailties, and lamented + misfortunes. He sought not after the failings of men with a design + to expose them; he only found what was ridiculous in them for his + own amusement: he had a secret pleasure in discovering this himself, + and would, indeed, have had a still greater in discovering this to + others, had not he been checked by discretion. Life, in his + opinion, was too short to read all sorts of books, and to burden + one’s memory with a multitude of things, at the expense of one’s + judgment. He did not apply himself to the most learned writings, in + order to acquire knowledge, but to the most rational, to fortify his + reason: he sometimes chose the most delicate, to give delicacy to + his own taste, and sometimes the most agreeable, to give the same to + his own genius. It remains that he should be described, such as he + was, in friendship and in religion. In friendship he was more + constant than a philosopher, and more sincere than a young man of + good nature without experience. With regard to religion, his piety + consisted more in justice and charity than in penance or + mortification. He placed his confidence in God, trusting in His + goodness, and hoping that in the bosom of His providence he should + find his repose and his felicity.”--He was buried in Westminster + Abbey.] + +The Chevalier was from that time his hero: they had each of them +attained to all the advantages which a knowledge of the world, and +the society of people of fashion, could add to the improvement of good +natural talents. Saint Evremond, less engaged in frivolous pursuits, +frequently gave little lectures to the Chevalier, and by making +observations upon the past, endeavoured to set him right for the +present, or to instruct him for the future. “You are now,” said he, “in +the most agreeable way of life a man of your temper could wish for: you +are the delight of a youthful, sprightly, and gallant court: the king +has never a party of pleasure to which you are not admitted. You +play from morning to night, or, to speak more properly, from night to +morning, without knowing what it is to lose. Far from losing the money +you brought hither, as you have done in other places, you have doubled +it, trebled it, multiplied it almost beyond your wishes, notwithstanding +the exorbitant expenses you are imperceptibly led into. This, without +doubt, is the most desirable situation in the world: stop here, +Chevalier, and do not ruin your affairs by returning to your old sins. +Avoid love, by pursuing other pleasures: love has never been favourable +to you. + + [“Saint Evremond and Bussi-Rabutin, who have also written on the + life of the Count de Grammont, agree with Hamilton in representing + him as a man less fortunate in love than at play; not seeking for + any other pleasure in the conquest of a woman but that of depriving + another of her; and not able to persuade any one of his passion, + because he spoke to her, as at all other times, in jest: but cruelly + revenging himself on those who refused to hear him; corrupting the + servants of those whom they did favour, counterfeiting their + handwriting, intercepting their letters, disconcerting their + rendezvous; in one word, disturbing their amours by everything which + a rival, prodigal, indefatigable, and full of artifice, can be + imagined to do. The straitest ties of blood could not secure any + one from his detraction. His nephew, the Count de Guiche, was a + victim: he had in truth, offended the Count de Grammont, by having + supplanted him in the affection of the Countess de Fiesque, whom he + loved afterwards for the space of twelve years. Here was enough to + irritate the self-love of a man less persuaded of his own merit.” + Hamilton does not describe the exterior of the count, but accuses + Bussi-Rabutin of having, in the following description, given a more + agreeable than faithful portrait of him: “The chevalier had laughing + eyes, a well-formed nose, a beautiful mouth, a small dimple in the + chin, which had an agreeable effect on his countenance, a certain + delicacy in his physiognomy, and a handsome shape, if he had not + stooped.”] + +“You are sensible how much gallantry has cost you; and every person here +is not so well acquainted with that matter as yourself. Play boldly: +entertain the court with your wit: divert the king by your ingenious and +entertaining stories; but avoid all engagements which can deprive you of +this merit, and make you forget you are a stranger and an exile in this +delightful country. + +“Fortune may bow weary of befriending you at play. What would have +become of you, if your last misfortune had happened to you when your +money had been at as low an ebb as I have known it? Attend carefully +then to this necessary deity, and renounce the other. You will be missed +at the court of France before you grow weary of this; but be that as +it may, lay up a good store of money: when a man is rich he consoles +himself for his banishment. I know you well, my dear Chevalier: if you +take it into your head to seduce a lady, or to supplant a lover, your +gains at play will by no means suffice for presents and for bribes: no, +let play be as productive to you as it can be, you will never gain so +much by it as you will lose by love, if you yield to it. + +“You are in possession of a thousand splendid qualifications which +distinguish you here: generous, benevolent, elegant, and polite; and for +your engaging wit, inimitable. Upon a strict examination, perhaps, all +this would not be found literally true; but these are brilliant marks; +and since it is granted that you possess them, do not show yourself +here in any other light: for, in love, if your manner of paying your +addresses can be so denominated, you do not in the least resemble the +picture I have just now drawn.” + +“My little philosophical monitor,” said the Chevalier de Grammont, +“you talk here as if you were the Cato of Normandy.” “Do I say anything +untrue?” replied Saint Evremond: “Is it not a fact, that as soon as a +woman pleases you, your first care is to find out whether she has any +other lover, and your second how to plague her; for the gaining her +affection is the last thing in your thoughts. You seldom engage in +intrigues, but to disturb the happiness of others: a mistress who has +no lovers would have no charms for you, and if she has, she would be +invaluable. Do not all the places through which you have passed furnish +me with a thousand examples? Shall I mention your coup d’essai at Turin? +the trick you played at Fontainebleau, where you robbed the Princess +Palatine’s courier upon the highway? and for what purpose was this fine +exploit, but to put you in possession of some proofs of her affection +for another, in order to give her uneasiness and confusion by reproaches +and menaces, which you had no right to use? + +“Who but yourself ever took it into his head to place himself in ambush +upon the stairs, to disturb a man in an intrigue, and to pull him back +by the leg when he was half way up to his mistress’s chamber? yet did +not you use your friend the Duke of Buckingham in this manner, when he +was stealing at night to ------ although you were not in the least his +rival? How many spies did not you send out after d’Olonne? + + [Mademoiselle de la Loupe, who is mentioned in De Retz’s Memoirs, + vol. iii., p. 95. She married the Count d’Olonne, and became + famous for her gallantries, of which the Count de Bussi speaks so + much, in his History of the Amours of the Gauls. Her maiden name + was Catherine Henrietta d’Angennes, and she was daughter to Charles + d’Angennes, Lord of la Loupe, Baron of Amberville, by Mary du + Raynier. There is a long character of her by St. Evremond, in his + works, vol. i., p. 17. The same writer, mentioning the concern of + some ladies for the death of the Duke of Candale, says, “But his + true mistress (the Countess d’Olonne) made herself famous by the + excess of her affliction, and had, in my opinion, been happy, if she + had kept it on to the last. One amour is creditable to a lady; and + I know not whether it be not more advantageous to their reputation + than never to have been in love.”--St. Evremond’s works, vol. ii., + p. 24.] + +“How many tricks, frauds, and persecutions, did you not practise for the +Countess de Fiesque, who perhaps might have been constant to you, if you +had not yourself forced her to be otherwise? But, to conclude, for the +enumeration of your iniquities would be endless, give me leave to ask +you, how you came here? Are not we obliged to that same evil genius of +yours, which rashly inspired you to intermeddle even in the gallantries +of your prince? Show some discretion then on this point here, I beseech +you; all the beauties of the court are already engaged; and however +docile the English may be with respect to their wives, they can by no +means bear the inconstancy of their mistresses, nor patiently suffer the +advantages of a rival: suffer them therefore to remain in tranquillity, +and do not gain their ill-will for no purpose. + +“You certainly will meet with no success with such as are unmarried: +honourable views, and good landed property, are required here; and you +possess as much of the one as the other. Every country has its +customs: in Holland, unmarried ladies are of easy access, and of tender +dispositions; but as soon as ever they are married, they become like +so many Lucretias: in France, the women are great coquettes before +marriage, and still more so afterwards; but here it is a miracle if a +young lady yields to any proposal but that of matrimony and I do not +believe you yet so destitute of grace as to think of that.” + +Such were Saint Evremond’s lectures; but they were all to no purpose: +the Chevalier de Grammont only attended to them for his amusement; +and though he was sensible of the truth they contained, he paid little +regard to them: in fact, being weary of the favours of fortune, he had +just resolved to pursue those of love. + +Mrs. Middleton was the first whom he attacked: she was one of the +Handsomest women in town, though then little known at court: so much +of the coquette as to discourage no one; and so great was her desire of +appearing magnificently, that she was ambitious to vie with those of the +greatest fortunes, though unable to support the expense. All this suited +the Chevalier de Grammont; therefore, without trifling away his time in +useless ceremonies, he applied to her porter for admittance, and chose +one of her lovers for his confidant. + +This lover, who was not deficient in wit, was at that time a Mr. Jones, +afterwards Earl of Ranelagh: what engaged him to serve the Chevalier de +Grammont, was to traverse the designs of a most dangerous rival, and to +relieve himself from an expense which began to lie too heavy upon him. +In both respects the Chevalier answered his purpose. + +Immediately spies were placed, letters and presents flew about: he was +received as well as he could wish: he was permitted to ogle: he was +even ogled again; but this was all. He found that the fair one was very +willing to accept, but was tardy in making returns. This induced him, +without giving up his pretensions to her, to seek his fortune elsewhere. + +Among the queen’s maids of honour, there was one called Warmestre: she +was a beauty very different from the other. Mrs. Middleton was well +made, fair, and delicate; but had in her behaviour and discourse +something precise and affected. The indolent languishing airs she gave +herself did not please everybody: people grew weary of those sentiments +of delicacy, which she endeavoured to explain without understanding +them herself; and instead of entertaining she became tiresome. In these +attempts she gave herself so much trouble, that she made the company +uneasy, and her ambition to pass for a wit, only established her the +reputation of being tiresome, which lasted much longer than her beauty. + +Miss Warmestre was brown: she had no shape at all, and still less air; +but she had a very lively complexion, very sparkling eyes, tempting +looks, which spared nothing that might ensnare a lover, and promised +everything which could preserve him. In the end, it very plainly +appeared that her consent went along with her eyes to the last degree of +indiscretion. + +It was between these two goddesses that the inclinations of the +Chevalier de Grammont stood wavering, and between whom his presents were +divided. Perfumed gloves, pocket looking-glasses, elegant boxes, apricot +paste, essences, and other small wares of love, arrived every week from +Paris, with some new suit for himself; but, with regard to more solid +presents, such as ear-rings, diamonds, brilliants, and bright guineas, +all this was to be met with of the best sort in London, and the ladies +were as well pleased with them as if they had been brought from abroad. + +Miss Stewart’s beauty began at this time to be celebrated. + + [Frances, Duchess of Richmond, daughter of Walter Stewart, son of + Walter, Baron of Blantyre, and wife of Charles Stewart, Duke of + Richmond and Lennox: a lady of exquisite beauty, if justly + represented in a puncheon made by Roettiere, his majesty’s engraver + of the mint, in order to strike a medal of her, which exhibits the + finest face that perhaps was ever seen. The king was supposed to be + desperately in love with her; and it became common discourse, that + there was a design on foot to get him divorced from the queen, in + order to marry this lady. Lord Clarendon was thought to have + promoted the match with the Duke of Richmond, thereby to prevent the + other design, which he imagined would hurt the king’s character, + embroil his affairs at present, and entail all the evils of a + disputed succession on the nation. Whether he actually encouraged + the Duke of Richmond’s marriage, doth not appear; but it is certain + that he was so strongly possessed of the king’s inclination to a + divorce, that, even after his disgrace, he was persuaded the Duke of + Buckingham had under taken to carry that matter through the + parliament. It is certain too that the king considered him as the + chief promoter of Miss Stewart’s marriage, and resented it in the + highest degree. (See Pepys’ Diaries. Ed.) The ceremony took place + privately, and it was publicly declared in April, 1667. From one of + Sir Robert Southwell’s dispatches, dated Lisbon, December 12, + 1667, it appears that the report of the queen’s intended divorce had + not then subsided in her native country.--History of the Revolutions + of Portugal, 1740, p. 352. The duchess became a widow in 1672, and + died October 15, 1702. See Burnet’s History, Ludlow’s Memoirs, and + Carte’s Life of the Duke of Ormond. A figure in wax of this duchess + is still to be seen in Westminster-abbey.] + +The Countess of Castlemaine perceived that the king paid attention to +her; but, instead of being alarmed at it, she favoured, as far as she +was able, this new inclination, whether from an indiscretion common +to all those who think themselves superior to the rest of mankind, or +whether she designed, by this pastime, to divert the king’s attention +from the commerce which she held with Jermyn. She was not satisfied with +appearing without any degree of uneasiness at a preference which all +the court began to remark: she even affected to make Miss Stewart her +favourite, and invited her to all the entertainments she made for +the king; and, in confidence of her own charms, with the greatest +indiscretion, she often kept her to sleep. The king, who seldom +neglected to visit the countess before she rose, seldom failed likewise +to find Miss Stewart in bed with her. The most indifferent objects have +charms in a new attachment: however, the imprudent countess was not +jealous of this rival’s appearing with her, in such a situation, being +confident, that whenever she thought fit, she could triumph over all the +advantages which these opportunities could afford Miss Stewart; but she +was quite mistaken. + +The Chevalier de Grammont took notice of this conduct, without being +able to comprehend it; but, as he was attentive to the inclinations of +the king, he began to make his court to him, by enhancing the merit +of this new mistress. Her figure was more showy than engaging: it was +hardly possible for a woman to have less wit, or more beauty: all her +features were fine and regular; but her shape was not good: yet she was +slender, straight enough, and taller than the generality of women: she +was very graceful, danced well, and spoke French better than her mother +tongue: she was well bred, and possessed, in perfection, that air of +dress which is so much admired, and which cannot be attained, unless it +be taken when young, in France. While her charms were gaining ground +in the king’s heart, the Countess of Castlemaine amused herself in the +gratification of all her caprices. + +Mrs. Hyde was one of the first of the beauties who were prejudiced with +a blind prepossession in favour of Jermyn she had just married a +man whom she loved: by this marriage she became sister-in-law to the +duchess, brilliant by her own native lustre, and full of pleasantry and +wit. However, she was of opinion, that so long as she was not talked of +on account of Jermyn, all her other advantages would avail nothing for +her glory: it was, therefore, to receive this finishing stroke, that she +resolved to throw herself into his arms. + +She was of a middle size, had a skin of a dazzling whiteness, fine +hands, and a foot surprisingly beautiful, even in England: long custom +had given such a languishing tenderness to her looks, that she never +opened her eyes but like a Chinese; and, when she ogled, one would have +thought she was doing something else. + +Jermyn accepted of her at first; but, being soon puzzled what to do +with her, he thought it best to sacrifice her to Lady Castlemaine. The +sacrifice was far from being displeasing to her; it was much to her +glory to have carried off Jermyn from so many competitors; but this was +of no consequence in the end. + +Jacob Hall (the famous rope-dancer) was at that time in vogue in London; +his strength and agility charmed in public, even to a wish to know what +he was in private; for he appeared, in his tumbling dress, to be quite +of a different make, and to have limbs very different from the fortunate +Jermyn. + + [“There was a symmetry and elegance, as well as strength and + agility, in the person of Jacob Hall, which was much admired by the + ladies, who regarded him as a due composition of Hercules and + Adonis. The open-hearted Duchess of Cleveland was said to have been + in love with this rope-dancer and Goodman the player at the same + time. The former received a salary from her grace.”--Granger, vol. + ii., part 2, p. 461. In reference to the connection between the + duchess and the ropedancer, Mr. Pope introduced the following lines + into his “Sober Advice from Horace:” + + “What push’d poor E--s on th’ imperial whore? + ‘Twas but to be where Charles had been before, + The fatal steel unjustly was apply’d, + When not his lust offended, but his pride + Too hard a penance for defeated sin, + Himself shut out, and Jacob Hall let in.”] + +The tumbler did not deceive Lady Castlemaine’s expectations, if report +may be believed; and as was intimated in many a song, much more to the +honour of the rope-dancer than of the countess; but she despised all +these rumours, and only appeared still more handsome. + +While satire thus found employment at her cost, there were continual +contests for the favours of another beauty, who was not much more +niggardly in that way than herself; this was the Countess of Shrewsbury. + +The Earl of Arran, who had been one of her first admirers, was not one +of the last to desert her; this beauty, less famous for her conquests +than for the misfortunes she occasioned, placed her greatest merits in +being more capricious than any other. As no person could boast of being +the only one in her favour; so no person could complain of having been +ill received. + +Jermyn was displeased that she had made no advances to him, without +considering that she had no leisure for it; his pride was offended; but +the attempt which he made to take her from the rest of her lovers was +very ill-advised. + +Thomas Howard, brother to the Earl of Carlisle, was one of them; there +was not a braver, nor a more genteel man in England; and though he was +of a modest demeanour, and his manners appeared gentle and pacific, +no person was more spirited nor more passionate. Lady Shrewsbury, +inconsiderately returning the first ogles of the invincible Jermyn, did +not at all make herself more agreeable to Howard; that, however, she +paid little attention to; yet, as she designed to keep fair with him, +she consented to accept an entertainment which he had often proposed, +and which she durst no longer refuse. A place of amusement, called +Spring Garden,--was fixed upon for the scene of this entertainment. + +As soon as the party was settled, Jermyn was privately informed of it. +Howard had a company in the regiment of guards, and one of the soldiers +of his company played pretty well on the bagpipes; this soldier was +therefore at the entertainment. Jermyn was at the garden, as by chance; +and, puffed up with his former successes, he trusted to his victorious +air for accomplishing this last enterprise; he no sooner appeared on the +walks, than her ladyship showed herself upon the balcony. + +I know not how she stood affected to her hero; but Howard did not fancy +him much; this did not prevent his coming up stairs upon the first sign +she made to him; and not content with acting the petty tyrant, at an +entertainment not made for himself, no sooner had he gained the soft +looks of the fair one, than he exhausted all his common-place, and all +his stock of low irony, in railing at the entertainment, and ridiculing +the music. + + [Spring Garden: They stay there so long as if they wanted not time + to finish the race; for it is usual here to find some of the young + company till midnight; and the thickets of the garden seem to be + contrived to all advantages of gallantry, after they have refreshed + with the collation, which is here seldom omitted, at a certain + cabaret, in the middle of this paradise, where the forbidden fruits + are certain trifling tarts, newts’ tongues, spacious meats, and bad + Rhenish, for which the gallants pay sauce, as indeed they do at all + such houses throughout England; for they think it a piece of + frugality beneath them to bargain or account for what they eat in + any place, however unreasonably imposed upon.’’-Character of + England, 12mo., 1659, p. 56, written, it is said, by John Evelyn, + Esq. Spring Garden is the scene of intrigue in many of our comedies + of this period.] + +Howard possessed but little raillery, and still less patience; three +times was the banquet on the point of being stained with blood; but +three times did he suppress his natural impetuosity, in order to satisfy +his resentment elsewhere with greater freedom. + +Jermyn, without paying the least attention to his ill-humour, pursued +his point, continued talking to Lady Shrewsbury, and did not leave her +until the repast was ended. + +He went to bed, proud of this triumph, and was awakened next morning by +a challenge. He took for his second Giles Rawlings, a man of intrigue, +and a deep player. Howard took Dillon, who was dexterous and brave, much +of a gentleman, and, unfortunately, an intimate friend to Rawlings. + +In this duel fortune did not side with the votaries of love poor +Rawlings was left stone dead; and Jermyn, having received three wounds, +was carried to his uncle’s, with very little signs of life. + +While the report of this event engaged the courtiers according to their +several interests, the Chevalier de Grammont was informed by Jones, his +friend, his confidant, and his rival, that there was another gentleman +very attentive to Mrs. Middleton: this was Montagu, no very dangerous +rival on account of his person, but very much to be feared for his +assiduity, the acuteness of his wit, and for some other talents which +are of importance, when a man is once permitted to display them. + +There needed not half so much to bring into action all the Chevalier’s +vivacity, in point of competition: vexation awakened in him whatever +expedients the desire of revenge, malice, and experience, could suggest, +for troubling the designs of a rival, and tormenting a mistress. His +first intention was to return her letters, and demand his presents, +before he began to tease her; but, rejecting this project, as too weak a +revenge for the injustice done him, he was upon the point of conspiring +the destruction of poor Mrs. Middleton, when, by accident, he met with +Miss Hamilton. From this moment ended all his resentment against Mrs. +Middleton, and all his attachment to Miss Warmestre: no longer was he +inconstant: no longer were his wishes fluctuating: this object +fixed them all; and, of all his former habits, none remained, except +uneasiness and jealousy. + +Here his first care was to please; but he very plainly saw, that to +succeed he must act quite in a different manner to that which he had +been accustomed to. + +The family of the Hamiltons, being very numerous, lived in a large +and commodious house, near the court: the Duke of Ormond’s family was +continually with them; and here persons of the greatest distinction in +London, constantly met: the Chevalier de Grammont was here received in +a manner agreeable to his merit and quality, and was astonished that +he had spent so much time in other places; for, after having made this +acquaintance, he was desirous of no other. + +All the world agreed that Miss Hamilton was worthy of the most ardent +and sincere affection: nobody could boast a nobler birth, nothing was +more charming than her person. + + [Elizabeth, sister of the author of these Memoirs, and daughter of + Sir George Hamilton, fourth son of James, the first Earl of + Abercorn, by Mary, third daughter of Thomas, Viscount Thurles, + eldest son of Walter, eleventh Earl of Ormond, and sister to James, + the first Duke of Ormond. She married Philibert, Count of Grammont, + the hero of these Memoirs, by whom she had two daughters: Claude + Charlotte, married, 3rd April, 1694, to Henry, Earl of Stafford; and + another, who became superior, or abbess, of the Canonesses in + Lorraine.] + + + + +CHAPTER SEVENTH. HE FALLS IN LOVE WITH MISS HAMILTON--VARIOUS ADVENTURES +AT THE BALL IN THE QUEEN’S DRAWING-ROOM--CURIOUS VOYAGE OF HIS +VALET-DE-CHAMBRE TO AND FROM PARIS + + +The Chevalier de Grammont, never satisfied in his amours, was fortunate +without being beloved, and became jealous without having an attachment. + +Mrs. Middleton, as we have said, was going to experience what methods +he could invent to torment, after having experienced his powers of +pleasing. + +He went in search of her to the queen’s drawing-room, where there was +a ball; there she was; but fortunately for her, Miss Hamilton was there +likewise. It had so happened, that of all the beautiful women at Court, +this was the lady whom he had least seen, and whom he had heard most +commended; this, therefore, was the first time that he had a close view +of her, and he soon found that he had seen nothing at court before this +instant; he asked her some questions, to which she replied; as long as +she was dancing, his eyes were fixed upon her; and from this time he no +longer resented Mrs. Middleton’s conduct. Miss Hamilton was at the happy +age when the charms of the fair sex begin to bloom; she had the finest +shape, the loveliest neck, and most beautiful arms in the world; she +was majestic and graceful in all her movements; and she was the original +after which all the ladies copied in their taste and air of dress. Her +forehead was open, white, and smooth; her hair was well set, and fell +with ease into that natural order which it is so difficult to imitate. +Her complexion was possessed of a certain freshness, not to be equalled +by borrowed colours: her eyes were not large, but they were lively, +and capable of expressing whatever she pleased: her mouth was full of +graces, and her contour uncommonly perfect; nor was her nose, which was +small, delicate, and turned up, the least ornament of so lovely a face. +In fine, her air, her carriage, and the numberless graces dispersed over +her whole person, made the Chevalier de Grammont not doubt but that +she was possessed of every other qualification. Her mind was a +proper companion for such a form: she did not endeavour to shine in +conversation by those sprightly sallies which only puzzle; and with +still greater care she avoided that affected solemnity in her discourse, +which produces stupidity; but, without any eagerness to talk, she just +said what she ought, and no more. She had an admirable discernment +in distinguishing between solid and false wit; and far from making an +ostentatious display of her abilities, she was reserved, though very +just in her decisions: her sentiments were always noble, and even lofty +to the highest extent, when there was occasion; nevertheless, she was +less prepossessed with her own merit than is usually the case with those +who have so much. Formed, as we have described, she could not fail +of commanding love; but so far was she from courting it, that she was +scrupulously nice with respect to those whose merit might entitle them +to form any pretensions to her. + +The more the Chevalier de Grammont was convinced of these truths, +the more did he endeavour to please and engage her in his turn: +his entertaining wit, his conversation, lively, easy, and always +distinguished by novelty, constantly gained him attention; but he was +much embarrassed to find that presents, which so easily made their way +in his former method of courtship, were no longer proper in the mode +which, for the future, he was obliged to pursue. + +He had an old valet-de-chambre, called Termes, a bold thief, and a still +more impudent liar: he used to send this man from London every week, on +the commissions we have before mentioned; but after the disgrace of +Mrs. Middleton, and the adventure of Miss Warmestre, Mr. Termes was only +employed in bringing his master’s clothes from Paris, and he did not +always acquit himself with the greatest fidelity in that employment, as +will appear hereafter. + +The queen was a woman of sense, and used all her endeavours to please +the king, by that kind obliging behaviour which her affection made +natural to her: she was particularly attentive in promoting every sort +of pleasure and amusement especially such as she could be present at +herself. + +She had contrived, for this purpose, a splendid masquerade, where those, +whom she appointed to dance, had to represent different nations; she +allowed some time for preparation, during which we may suppose, the +tailors, the mantua makers, and embroiderers, were not idle: nor were +the beauties, who were to be there, less anxiously employed; however, +Miss Hamilton found time enough to invent two or three little tricks, in +a conjuncture so favourable, for turning into ridicule the vain fools of +the court. There were two who were very eminently such: the one was Lady +Muskerry, who had married her cousin-german; and the other a maid of +honour to the Duchess, called Blague. + +The first, whose husband most assuredly never married her for beauty, +was made like the generality of rich heiresses, to whom just nature +seems sparing of her gifts, in proportion as they are loaded with those +of fortune: she had the shape of a woman big with child, without being +so; but had a very good reason for limping; for, of two legs uncommonly +short, one was much shorter than the other. A face suitable to this +description gave the finishing stroke to this disagreeable figure. + +Miss Blague was another species of ridicule: her shape was neither good +nor bad: her countenance bore the appearance of the greatest insipidity, +and her complexion was the same all over; with two little hollow eyes, +adorned with white eye-lashes, as long as one’s finger. With these +attractions she placed herself in ambuscade to surprise unwary hearts; +but she might have done so in vain, had it not been for the arrival +of the Marquis de Brisacier. Heaven seemed to have made them for each +other: he had in his person and manners every requisite to dazzle a +creature of her character he talked eternally, without saying anything, +and in his dress exceeded the most extravagant fashions. Miss Blague +believed that all this finery was on her account; and the Marquis +believed that her long eyelashes had never taken aim at any but himself: +everybody perceived their inclination for each other; but they had only +conversed by mute interpreters, when Miss Hamilton took it into her head +to intermeddle in their affairs. + +She was willing to do everything in order, and therefore began with her +cousin Muskerry, on account of her rank. Her two darling foibles were +dress and dancing. Magnificence of dress was intolerable with her +figure; and though her dancing was still more insupportable, she never +missed a ball at court: and the queen had so much complaisance for the +public, as always to make her dance; but it was impossible to give her +a part in an entertainment so important and splendid as this masquerade: +however, she was dying with impatience for the orders she expected. + +It was in consequence of this impatience, of which Miss Hamilton was +informed, that she founded the design of diverting herself at the +expense of this silly woman. The queen sent notes to those whom she +appointed to be present, and described the manner in which they were +to be dressed. Miss Hamilton wrote a note exactly in the same manner to +Lady Muskerry, with directions for her to be dressed in the Babylonian +fashion. + +She assembled her counsel to advise about the means of sending it: this +cabinet was composed of one of her brothers and a sister, who were glad +to divert themselves at the expense of those who deserved it. After +having consulted some time, they at last resolved upon a mode of +conveying it into her own hands. Lord Muskerry was just going out, when +she received it: he was a man of honour, rather serious, very severe, +and a mortal enemy to ridicule. His wife’s deformity was not so +intolerable to him, as the ridiculous figure she made upon all +occasions. He thought that he was safe in the present case, not +believing that the queen would spoil her masquerade by naming Lady +Muskerry as one of the dancers nevertheless, as he was acquainted with +the passion his wife had to expose herself in public, by her dress and +dancing, he had just been advising her very seriously to content herself +with being a spectator of this entertainment, even though the queen +should have the cruelty to engage her in it: he then took the liberty to +show her what little similarity there was between her figure, and that +of persons to whom dancing and magnificence in dress were allowable. His +sermon concluded at last, by an express prohibition to solicit a place +at this entertainment, which they had no thoughts of giving her; but far +from taking his advice in good part, she imagined that he was the only +person who had prevented the queen from doing her an honour she so +ardently desired; and as soon as he was gone out, her design was to go +and throw herself at her Majesty’s feet to demand justice. She was in +this very disposition when she received the billet: three times did +she kiss it; and without regarding her husband’s injunctions, she +immediately got into her coach in order to get information of the +merchants who traded to the Levant, in what manner the ladies of quality +dressed in Babylon. + +The plot laid for Miss Blague was of a different kind: she had such +faith in her charms, and was so confident of their effects, that she +could believe anything. Brisacier, whom she looked upon as desperately +smitten, had wit, which he set off with common-place talk, and +with little sonnets: he sung out of tune most methodically, and was +continually exerting one or other of these happy talents: the Duke of +Buckingham did all he could to spoil him, by the praises he bestowed +both upon his voice and upon his wit. + +Miss Blague, who hardly understood a word of French, regulated herself +upon the Duke’s authority, in admiring the one and the other. It was +remarked, that all the words which he sung to her were in praise of fair +women, and that always taking this to herself, she cast down her eyes +in acknowledgment and consciousness. It was upon these observations they +resolved to make a jest of her, the first opportunity. + +While these little projects were forming, the king, who always wished to +oblige the Chevalier de Grammont, asked him, if he would make one at the +masquerade, on condition of being Miss Hamilton’s partner? He did not +pretend to dance sufficiently well for an occasion like the present; yet +he was far from refusing the offer: “Sire,” said he, “of all the favours +you have been pleased to show me, since my arrival, I feel this more +sensibly than any other; and to convince you of my gratitude, I promise +you all the good offices in my power with Miss Stewart.” He said this, +because they had just given her an apartment separate from the rest of +the maids of honour, which made the courtiers begin to pay respect +to her. The king was very well pleased at this pleasantry, and having +thanked him for so necessary an offer: “Monsieur le Chevalier,” said he, +“in what style do you intend to dress yourself for the ball? I leave you +the choice of all countries.” “If so,” said the Chevalier, “I will dress +after the French manner, in order to disguise myself; for they already +do me the honour to take me for an Englishman in your city of London. +Had it not been for this, I should have wished to have appeared as a +Roman; but for fear of embroiling myself with Prince Rupert, who so +warmly espouses the interests of Alexander against Lord Thanet, who +declares himself for Caesar, I dare no longer think of assuming the +hero: nevertheless, though I may dance awkwardly, yet, by observing +the tune, and with a little alertness, I hope to come off pretty well; +besides, Miss Hamilton will take care that too much attention shall +not be paid to me. As for my dress, I shall send Termes off tomorrow +morning; and if I do not show you at his return the most splendid habit +you have ever seen, look upon mine as the most disgraced nation in your +masquerade.” + +Termes set out with ample instructions, on the subject of his journey: +and his master, redoubling his impatience on an occasion like the +present, before the courier could be landed, began to count the minutes +in expectation of his return: thus was he employed until the very eve of +the ball; and that was the day that Miss Hamilton and her little society +had fixed for the execution of their project. + +Martial gloves were then very much in fashion: she had by chance several +pairs of them: she sent one to Miss Blague, accompanied with four yards +of yellow riband, the palest she could find, to which she added this +note: + +“You were the other day more charming than all the fair women in the +world: you looked yesterday still more fair than you did the day before: +if you go on, what will become of my heart? But it is a long time since +that has been a prey to your pretty little young wild boar’s eyes. Shall +you be at the masquerade to-morrow? But can there be any charms at an +entertainment, at which you are not present? It does not signify: I +shall know you in whatever disguise you may be: but I shall be better +informed of my fate, by the present I send you: you will wear knots of +this riband in your hair; and these gloves will kiss the most beautiful +hands in the universe.” + +This billet, with the present, was delivered to Miss Blague with the +same success as the other had been conveyed to Lady Muskerry. Miss +Hamilton had just received an account of it, when the latter came to pay +her a visit: something seemed to possess her thoughts very much; +when, having stayed some time, her cousin desired her to walk into her +cabinet. As soon as they were there: “I desire your secrecy for what +I am going to tell you,” said Lady Muskerry. “Do not you wonder what +strange creatures men are? Do not trust to them, my dear cousin: my Lord +Muskerry, who, before our marriage, could have passed whole days and +nights in seeing me dance, thinks proper now to forbid me dancing, and +says it does not become me. This is not all: he has so often rung in my +ears the subject of this masquerade, that I am obliged to hide from him +the honour the queen has done me, in inviting me to it. However, I am +surprised I am not informed who is to be my partner: but if you knew +what a plague it is, to find out, in this cursed town, in what manner +the people of Babylon dress, you would pity me for what I have suffered +since the time I have been appointed: besides, the cost which it puts me +to is beyond all imagination.” + +Here it was that Miss Hamilton’s inclination to laugh, which had +increased in proportion as she endeavoured to suppress it, at length +overcame her, and broke out in an immoderate fit: Lady Muskerry took it +in good humour, not doubting but it was the fantastical conduct of +her husband that she was laughing at. Miss Hamilton told her that all +husbands were much the same, and that one ought not to be concerned +at their whims; that she did not know who was to be her partner at the +masquerade; but that, as she was named, the gentleman named with +her would certainly not fail to attend her; although she could not +comprehend why he had not yet declared himself, unless he likewise had +some fantastical spouse, who had forbid him to dance. + +This conversation being finished, Lady Muskerry went away in great +haste, to endeavour to learn some news of her partner. Those who were +accomplices in the plot were laughing very heartily at this visit, when +Lord Muskerry paid them one in his turn, and taking Miss Hamilton aside: +“Do you know,” said he, “whether there is to be any ball in the city +tomorrow?” “No,” said she; “but why do you ask?” “Because,” said he, “I +am informed that my wife is making great preparations of dress. I know +very well she is not to be at the masquerade: that I have taken care of; +but as the devil is in her for dancing, I am very much afraid that she +will be affording some fresh subject for ridicule, notwithstanding all +my precautions: however, if it was amongst the citizens, at some private +party, I should not much mind it.” + +They satisfied him as well as they could, and having dismissed him, +under pretence of a thousand things they had to prepare for the next +day, Miss Hamilton thought herself at liberty for that morning, when +in came Miss Price, one of the maids of honour to the Duchess. This was +just what she was wishing for: This lady and Miss Blague had been at +variance some time, on account of Duncan, whom Miss Price had drawn away +from the other; and hatred still subsisted between these two divinities. + +Though the maids of honour were not nominated for the masquerade, yet +they were to assist at it; and, consequently, were to neglect nothing to +set themselves off to advantage. Miss Hamilton had still another pair of +gloves of the same sort as those she had sent to Miss Blague, which she +made a present of to her rival, with a few knots of the same riband, +which appeared to have been made on purpose for her, brown as she was. +Miss Price returned her a thousand thanks, and promised to do herself +the honour of wearing them at the ball. “You will oblige me if you do,” + said Miss Hamilton, “but if you mention that such a trifle as this comes +from me, I shall never forgive you; but,” continued she, “do not go and +rob poor Miss Blague of the Marquis Brisacier, as you already have of +Duncan: I know very well that it is wholly in your power: you have wit: +you speak French: and were he once to converse with you ever so little +the other could have no pretensions to him.” This was enough: Miss +Blague was only ridiculous and coquettish: Miss Price was ridiculous, +coquettish, and something else besides. + +The day being come, the court, more splendid than ever, exhibited all +its magnificence at this masquerade. The company were all met except the +Chevalier de Grammont: every body was astonished that he should be one +of the last at such a time, as his readiness was so remarkable on every +occasion; but they were still more surprised to see him at length appear +in an ordinary court-dress, which he had worn before. The thing was +preposterous on such an occasion, and very extraordinary with respect +to him: in vain had he the finest point-lace, with the largest and best +powdered peruke imaginable his dress, magnificent enough for any other +purpose, was not at all proper for this entertainment. + +The king immediately took notice of it: “Chevalier,” said he, “Termes +is not arrived then?” “Pardon me, sire,” said he, “God be thanked!” “Why +God be thanked?” said the king; “has anything happened to him on the +road?” “Sire,” said the Chevalier de Grammont, “this is the history of +my dress, and of Termes, my messenger.” At these words the ball, +ready to begin, was suspended: the dancers making a circle around the +Chevalier de Grammont, he continued his story in the following manner: + +“It is now two days since this fellow ought to have been here, according +to my orders and his protestations: you may judge of my impatience all +this day, when I found he did not come: at last, after I had heartily +cursed him, about an hour ago he arrived, splashed all over from head +to foot, booted up to the waist, and looking as if he had been +excommunicated ‘Very well, Mr. Scoundrel,’ said I, ‘this is just like +you, you must be waited for to the very last minute, and it is a miracle +that you are arrived at all.’ ‘Yes, faith,’ said he, ‘it is a miracle. +You are always grumbling: I had the finest suit in the world made for +you, which the Duke de Guise himself was at the trouble of ordering.’ +‘Give it me then, scoundrel,’ said I. ‘Sir,’ said he, ‘if I did not +employ a dozen embroiderers upon it, who did nothing but work day and +night, I am a rascal: I never left them one moment: ‘And where is +it traitor?’ said I: ‘do not stand here prating, while I should be +dressing.’ ‘I had,’ continued he, ‘packed it up, made it tight, and +folded it in such a manner, that all the rain in the world could never +have been able to reach it; and I rid post, day and night, knowing your +impatience, and that you were not to be trifled with.’ ‘But where is +it?’ said I. ‘Lost, sir,’ said he, clasping his hands. ‘How! lost,’ +said I, in surprise. ‘Yes, lost, perished, swallowed up: what can I say +more?’ ‘What! was the packet-boat cast away then?’ said I. ‘Oh! indeed, +sir, a great deal worse, as you shall see,’ answered he: ‘I was within +half a league of Calais yesterday morning, and I was resolved to go by +the sea-side, to make greater haste; but, indeed, they say very true, +that nothing is like the highway; for I got into a quicksand, where I +sunk up to the chin.’ ‘A quicksand,’ said I, ‘near Calais?’ ‘Yes, sir,’ +said he, ‘and such a quicksand that, the devil take me, if they saw +anything but the top of my head when they pulled me out: as for my +horse, fifteen men could scarce get him out; but the portmanteau, where +I had unfortunately put your clothes, could never be found: it must be +at least a league under ground.’ + +“This, sire,” continued the Chevalier de Grammont, “is the adventure, +and the relation which this honest gentleman has given me of it. I +should certainly have killed him, but I was afraid of making Miss +Hamilton wait, and I was desirous of giving your Majesty immediate +advice of the quicksand, that your couriers may take care to avoid it.” + +The King was ready to split his sides with laughing, when the Chevalier +de Grammont, resuming the discourse, “apropos, sire,” said he, “I had +forgot to tell you, that, to increase my ill-humour, I was stopped, as +I was getting out of my chair, by the devil of a phantom in masquerade, +who would by all means persuade me that the queen had commanded me +to dance with her; and as I excused myself with the least rudeness +possible, she charged me to find out who was to be her partner, and +desired me to send him to her immediately so that your Majesty will do +well to give orders about it; for she has placed herself in ambush in +a coach, to seize upon all those who pass through Whitehall. However, +I must tell you, that it is worth while to see her dress; for she must +have at least sixty ells of gauze and silver tissue about her, not +to mention a sort of a pyramid upon her head, adorned with a hundred +thousand baubles.” + +This last account surprised all the assembly, except those who had a +share in the plot. The queen assured them, that all she had appointed +for the ball were present; and the king, having paused some minutes: “I +bet,” said he, “that it is the Duchess of Newcastle.” “And I,” said Lord +Muskerry, coming up to Miss Hamilton, “will bet it is another fool; for +I am very much mistaken if it is not my wife.” + +The king was for sending to know who it was, and to bring her in: +Lord Muskerry offered himself for that service, for the reason already +mentioned; and it was very well he did so. Miss Hamilton was not sorry +for this, knowing very well that he was not mistaken in his conjecture; +the jest would have gone much farther than she intended, if the Princess +of Babylon had appeared in all her glory. + +The ball was not very well executed, if one maybe allowed the +expression, so long as they danced only slow dances; and yet there were +as good dancers, and as beautiful women in this assembly, as were to be +found in the whole world: but as their number was not great, they left +the French, and went to country dances. When they had danced some time, +the king thought fit to introduce his auxiliaries, to give the others +a little respite; the queen’s and the duchess’s maids of honour were +therefore called in to dance with the gentlemen. + +Then it was that they were at leisure to take notice of Miss Blague, +and they found that the billet they had conveyed to her on the part of +Brisacier had its effect: she was more yellow than saffron: her hair was +stuffed with the citron-coloured riband, which she had put there out of +complaisance; and, to inform Brisacier of his fate, she raised often to +her head her victorious hands, adorned with the gloves we have before +mentioned: but, if they were surprised to see her in a head-dress that +made her look more wan than ever, she was very differently surprised +to see Miss Price partake with her in every particular of Brisacier’s +present: her surprise soon turned to jealousy; for her rival had not +failed to join in conversation with him, on account of what had been +insinuated to her the evening before; nor did Brisacier fail to return +her first advances, without paying the least attention to the fair +Blague, nor to the signs which she was tormenting herself to make him, +to inform him of his happy destiny. + +Miss Price was short and thick, and consequently no dancer, the Duke of +Buckingham, who brought Brisacier forward as often as he could, came to +desire him, on the part of the king, to dance with Miss Blague, without +knowing what was then passing in this nymph’s heart: Brisacier excused +himself, on account of the contempt that he had for country dances: Miss +Blague thought that it was herself that he despised; and, seeing that he +was engaged in conversation with her mortal enemy, she began to dance, +without knowing what she was doing. Though her indignation and jealousy +were sufficiently remarkable to divert the court, none but Miss Hamilton +and her accomplices, understood the joke perfectly: their pleasure was +quite complete; for Lord Muskerry returned, still more confounded at the +vision, of which the Chevalier de Grammont had given the description. He +acquainted Miss Hamilton, that it was Lady Muskerry herself, a thousand +times more ridiculous than she had ever been before, and that he had had +an immense trouble to get her home, and place a sentry at her chamber +door. + +The reader may think, perhaps, that we have dwelt too long on these +trifling incidents; perhaps he may be right. We will therefore pass to +others. + +Everything favoured the Chevalier de Grammont in the new passion which +he entertained: he was not, however, without rivals; but, what is +a great deal more extraordinary, he was without uneasiness: he was +acquainted with their understandings, and no stranger to Miss Hamilton’s +way of thinking. + +Among her lovers, the most considerable, though the least professedly +so, was the Duke of York: it was in vain for him to conceal it, the +court was too well acquainted with his character to doubt of his +inclinations for her. He did not think it proper to declare such +sentiments as were not fit for Miss Hamilton to hear; but he talked to +her as much as he could, and ogled her with great assiduity. As hunting +was his favourite diversion, that sport employed him one part of the +day, and he came home generally much fatigued; but Miss Hamilton’s +presence revived him, when he found her either with the queen or the +duchess. There it was that, not daring to tell her of what lay heavy on +his heart, he entertained her with what he had in his head: telling her +miracles of the cunning of foxes and the mettle of horses; giving +her accounts of broken legs and arms, dislocated shoulders, and other +curious and entertaining adventures; after which, his eyes told her the +rest, till such time as sleep interrupted their conversation; for these +tender interpreters could not help sometimes composing themselves in the +midst of their ogling. + +The duchess was not at all alarmed at a passion which her rival was far +from thinking sincere, and with which she used to divert herself, as +far as respect would admit her; on the contrary, as her highness had +an affection and esteem for Miss Hamilton, she never treated her more +graciously than on the present occasion. + +The two Russells, uncle and nephew,--were two other of the Chevalier +de Grammont’s rivals: the uncle was full seventy, and had distinguished +himself by his courage and fidelity in the civil wars. His passions and +intentions, with regard to Miss Hamilton, appeared both at once; but +his magnificence only appeared by halves in those gallantries which love +inspires. It was not long since the fashion of high crowned hats had +been left off, in order to fall into the other extreme. Old Russell, +amazed at so terrible a change, resolved to keep a medium, which made +him remarkable: he was still more so, by his constancy for cut +doublets, which he supported a long time after they had been universally +suppressed; but, what was more surprising than all, was a certain +mixture of avarice and liberality, constantly at war with each other, +ever since he had entered the list with love. + +His nephew was only of a younger brother’s family, but was considered as +his uncle’s heir; and though he was under the necessity of attending to +his uncle for an establishment, and still more so of humouring him, in +order to get his estate, he could not avoid his fate. Mrs. Middleton +showed him a sufficient degree of preference; but her favours could not +secure him from the charms of Miss Hamilton: his person would have had +nothing disagreeable in it, if he had but left it to nature; but he was +formal in all his actions, and silent even to stupidity; and yet rather +more tiresome when he did speak. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, very much at his ease in all these +competitions, engaged himself more and more in his passion, without +forming other designs, or conceiving other hopes, than to render himself +agreeable. Though his passion was openly declared, no person at court +regarded it otherwise than as a habit of gallantry, which goes no +farther than to do justice to merit. + +His monitor, Saint Evremond, was quite of a different opinion; +and finding, that, besides an immense increase of magnificence and +assiduity, he regretted those hours which he bestowed on play; that he +no longer sought after those long and agreeable conversations they used +to have together; and that this new attachment everywhere robbed him of +himself: + +“Monsieur le Chevalier,” said he, “methinks that for some time you +have left the town beauties and their lovers in perfect repose: Mrs. +Middleton makes fresh conquests with impunity, and wears your presents, +under your nose, without your taking the smallest notice. Poor Miss +Warmestre has been very quietly brought to bed in the midst of the +court, without your having even said a word about it. I foresaw it +plain enough, Monsieur le Chevalier, you have got acquainted with Miss +Hamilton, and, what has never before happened to you, you are really in +love; but let us consider a little what may be the consequence. In +the first place, then, I believe, you have not the least intention +of seducing her: such is her birth and merit, that if you were in +possession of the estate and title of your family, it might be excusable +in you to offer yourself upon honourable terms, however ridiculous +marriage may be in general; for, if you only wish for wit, prudence, +and the treasures of beauty, you could not pay your addresses to a more +proper person: but for you, who possess only a very moderate share of +those of fortune, you cannot pay your addresses more improperly. + +“For your brother Toulongeon, whose disposition I am acquainted with, +will not have the complaisance to die, to favour your pretensions: but +suppose you had a competent fortune for you both--and that is +supposing a good deal--are you acquainted with the delicacy, not to say +capriciousness, of this fair one about such an engagement? Do you know +that she has had the choice of the best matches in England? The Duke of +Richmond paid his addresses to her first; but though he was in love with +her, still he was mercenary: however, the king, observing that want of +fortune was the only impediment to the match, took that article upon +himself, out of regard to the Duke of Ormond, to the merit and birth of +Miss Hamilton, and to her father’s services; but, resenting that a +man, who pretended to be in love, should bargain like a merchant, and +likewise reflecting upon his character in the world, she did not think +that being Duchess of Richmond was a sufficient recompense for the +danger that was to be feared from a brute and a debauchee. + +“Has not little Jermyn, notwithstanding his uncle’s great estate, and +his own brilliant reputation, failed in his suit to her? And has she +ever so much as vouchsafed to look at Henry Howard, who is upon the +point of being the first duke in England, and who is already in actual +possession of all the estates of the house of Norfolk? I confess that he +is a clown, but what other lady in all England would not have dispensed +with his stupidity and his disagreeable person, to be the first duchess +in the kingdom, with twenty-five thousand a year? + +“To conclude, Lord Falmouth has told me himself, that he has always +looked upon her as the only acquisition wanting to complete his +happiness: but, that even at the height of the splendour of his fortune, +he never had had the assurance to open his sentiments to her; that +he either felt in himself too much weakness, or too much pride, to be +satisfied with obtaining her solely by the persuasion of her relations; +and that, though the first refusals of the fair on such occasions are +not much minded, he knew with what an air she had received the addresses +of those whose persons she did not like. After this, Monsieur le +Chevalier, consider what method you intend to pursue: for, if you are in +love, the passion will still increase, and the greater the attachment, +the less capable will you be of making those serious reflections that +are now in your power.” + +“My poor philosopher,” answered the Chevalier de Grammont, “you +understand Latin very well, you can make good verses, you understand +the course, and are acquainted with the nature of the stars in the +firmament; but, as for the luminaries of the terrestrial globe, you +are utterly unacquainted with them: you have told me nothing about Miss +Hamilton, but what the king told me three days ago. That she has refused +the savages you have mentioned is all in her favour if she had admitted +their addresses, I would have had nothing to say to her, though I love +her to distraction. Attend now to what I am going to say: I am resolved +to marry her, and I will have my tutor Saint Evremond himself to be the +first man to commend me for it. As for an establishment, I shall make my +peace with the king, and will solicit him to make her one of the ladies +of the bed-chamber to the queen: this he will grant me. Toulongeon will +die, without my assistance. + + [Count de Toulongeon was elder brother to Count Grammont, who, by + his death, in 1679, became, according to St. Evremond, on that + event, one of the richest noblemen at court.--See St. Evremond’s + Works. vol. ii., p. 327.] + +“Notwithstanding all his care; Miss Hamilton will have Semeat,--[A +country seat belonging to the family of the Grammonts.]--with the +Chevalier de Grammont, as an indemnification for the Norfolks and +Richmonds. Now, have you any thing to advance against this project? For +I will bet you an hundred louis, that everything will happen as I have +foretold it.” + +At this time the king’s attachment to Miss Stewart was so public, that +every person perceived, that if she was but possessed of art, she might +become as absolute a mistress over his conduct as she was over his +heart. This was a fine opportunity for those who had experience and +ambition. The Duke of Buckingham formed the design of governing her, in +order to ingratiate himself with the king: God knows what a governor he +would have been, and what a head he was possessed of, to guide another; +however, he was the properest man in the world to insinuate himself +with Miss Stewart: she was childish in her behaviour, and laughed at +everything, and her taste for frivolous amusements, though unaffected, +was only allowable in a girl about twelve or thirteen years old. A +child, however, she was, in every other respect, except playing with +a doll: blind man’s buff was her most favourite amusement: she was +building castles of cards, while the deepest play was going on in her +apartments, where you saw her surrounded by eager courtiers, who handed +her the cards, or young architects, who endeavoured to imitate her. + +She had, however, a passion for music, and had some taste for singing. +The Duke of Buckingham, who built the finest towers of cards imaginable, +had an agreeable voice: she had no aversion to scandal: and the duke was +both the father and the mother of scandal, he made songs, and invented +old women’s stories, with which she was delighted; but his particular +talent consisted in turning into ridicule whatever was ridiculous in +other people, and in taking them off, even in their presence, without +their perceiving it: in short, he knew how to act all parts with so much +grace and pleasantry, that it was difficult to do without him, when he +had a mind to make himself agreeable; and he made himself so necessary +to Miss Stewart’s amusement, that she sent all over the town to seek for +him, when he did not attend the king to her apartments. + +He was extremely handsome, and still thought himself much more so than +he really was: although he had a great deal of discernment, yet his +vanity made him mistake some civilities as intended for his person, +which were only bestowed on his wit and drollery: in short, being +seduced by too good an opinion of his own merit, he forgot his first +project and his Portuguese mistress, in order to pursue a fancy in which +he mistook himself; for he no sooner began to act a serious part with +Miss Stewart, than he met with so severe a repulse that he abandoned, +at once, all his designs upon her: however, the familiarity she had +procured him with the king, opened the way to those favours to which he +was afterwards advanced. + + [George Villiers, the second Duke of Buckingham, was born 30th + January, 1627. Lord Orford observes, “When this extraordinary man, + with the figure and genius of Alcibiades, could equally charm the + presbyterian Fairfax and the dissolute Charles; when he alike + ridiculed that witty king and his solemn chancellor: when he plotted + the ruin of his country with a cabal of bad ministers, or, equally + unprincipled, supported its cause with bad patriots,--one laments + that such parts should have been devoid of every virtue: but when + Alcibiades turns chemist; when he is a real bubble and a visionary + miser; when ambition is but a frolic; when the worst designs are for + the foolishest ends,--contempt extinguishes all reflection on his + character.”] + +Lord Arlington took up the project which the Duke of Buckingham had +abandoned, and endeavoured to gain possession of the mind of the +mistress, in order to govern the master. A man of greater merit and +higher birth than himself might, however, have been satisfied with the +fortune he had already acquired. His first negotiations were during +the treaty of the Pyrenees: and though he was unsuccessful in his +proceedings for his employer, yet he did not altogether lose his time; +for he perfectly acquired, in his exterior, the serious air and profound +gravity of the Spaniards, and imitated pretty well their tardiness in +business: he had a scar across his nose, which was covered by a long +patch, or rather by a small plaister, in form of a lozenge. + +Scars in the face commonly give a man a certain fierce and martial air, +which sets him off to advantage; but it was quite the contrary with him, +and this remarkable plaister so well suited his mysterious looks, that +it seemed an addition to his gravity and self-sufficiency. + +Arlington, under the mask of this compound countenance where great +earnestness passed for business, and impenetrable stupidity for secrecy, +had given himself the character of a great politician; and no one having +leisure to examine him, he was taken at his word, and had been made +minister and secretary of state, upon the credit of his own importance. + +His ambition soaring still above these high stations, after having +provided himself with a great number of fine maxims, and some historical +anecdotes, he obtained an audience of Miss Stewart, in order to display +them; at the same time offering her his most humble services, and best +advice, to assist her in conducting herself in the situation to which +it had pleased God and her virtue to raise her. But he was only in the +preface of his speech, when she recollected that he was at the head of +those whom the Duke of Buckingham used to mimic; and as his presence and +his language exactly revived the ridiculous ideas that had been given +her of him, she could not forbear bursting out into a fit of laughter in +his face, so much the more violent as she had for a long time struggled +to suppress it. + +The minister was enraged: his pride became his post, and his punctilious +behaviour merited all the ridicule which could be attached to it: he +quitted her abruptly, with all the fine advice he had prepared for her, +and was almost tempted to carry it to Lady Castlemaine, and to unite +himself with her interests; or immediately to quit the court party, and +declaim freely in parliament against the grievances of the state, and +particularly to propose an act to forbid the keeping of mistresses; but +his prudence conquered his resentments; and thinking only how to enjoy +with pleasure the blessings of fortune, he sent to Holland for a wife, +in order to complete his felicity. + +Hamilton was, of all the courtiers, the best qualified to succeed in +an enterprise, in which the Duke of Buckingham and Lord Arlington had +miscarried: he was thinking upon it; but his natural coquetry traversed +his intentions, and made him neglect the most advantageous prospects +in the world, in order unnecessarily to attend to the advances and +allurements thrown out to him by the Countess of Chesterfield. This was +one of the most agreeable women in the world: she had a most exquisite +shape, though she was not very tall; her complexion was extremely fair, +with all the expressive charms of a brunette; she had large blue eyes, +very tempting and alluring; her manners were engaging; her wit lively +and amusing; but her heart, ever open to tender sentiments, was neither +scrupulous in point of constancy, nor nice in point of sincerity. +She was daughter to the Duke of Ormond, and Hamilton, being her +cousin-german, they might be as much as they pleased in each other’s +company without being particular; but as soon as her eyes gave him some +encouragement, he entertained no other thoughts than how to please +her, without considering her fickleness, or the obstacles he had to +encounter. + + [This lady was Isabella, daughter to Lewis de Nassau, Lord Beverwaert, + son to Maurice, Prince of Orange, and Count Nassau. By her, Lord + Arlington had an only daughter, named Isabella.] + +His intention, which we mentioned before, of establishing himself in the +confidence of Miss Stewart, no longer occupied his thoughts: she now +was of opinion that she was capable of being the mistress of her own +conduct: she had done all that was necessary to inflame the king’s +passions, without exposing her virtue by granting the last favours; +but the eagerness of a passionate lover, blessed with favourable +opportunities, is difficult to withstand, and still more difficult to +vanquish; and Miss Stewart’s virtue was almost exhausted, when the queen +was attacked with a violent fever, which soon reduced her to extreme +danger. + +Then it was that Miss Stewart was greatly pleased with herself for the +resistance she had made, though she had paid dearly for it: a thousand +flattering hopes of greatness and glory filled her heart, and the +additional respect that was universally paid her, contributed not a +little to increase them. The queen was given over by her physicians: the +few Portuguese women that had not been sent back to their own country +filled the court with doleful cries; and the good nature of the king +was much affected with the situation in which he saw a princess, whom, +though he did not love her, yet he greatly esteemed. She loved him +tenderly, and thinking that it was the last time she should ever speak +to him, she told him, that the concern he showed for her death, was +enough to make her quit life with regret; but that not possessing charms +sufficient to merit his tenderness, she had at least the consolation in +dying to give place to a consort who might be more worthy of it, and to +whom heaven, perhaps, might grant a blessing that had been refused to +her. At these words, she bathed his hands with some tears, which he +thought would be her last: he mingled his own with hers; and without +supposing she would take him at his word, he conjured her to live for +his sake. She had never yet disobeyed him; and, however dangerous sudden +impulses may be, when one is between life and death, this transport +of joy, which might have proved fatal to her, saved her life, and the +king’s wonderful tenderness had an effect, for which every person did +not thank heaven in the same manner. + +Jermyn had now for some time been recovered of his wounds: however, Lady +Castlemaine, finding his health in as deplorable a condition as ever, +resolved to regain the king’s heart, but in vain: for notwithstanding +the softness of her tears, and the violence of her passions, Miss +Stewart wholly possessed it. During this period the court was variously +entertained: sometimes there were promenades, and at others the court +beauties sallied out on horseback, and to make attacks with their charms +and graces, sometimes successfully, sometimes otherwise, but always to +the best of their abilities at other seasons there were such shows on +the river, as the city of London alone can afford. + +The Thames washes the sides of a large though not a magnificent palace +of the kings of Great Britain:--[This was Whitehall, which was burnt +down, except the banqueting-house, 4th January, 1698.]--from the stairs +of this palace the court used to take water, in the summer evenings, +when the heat and dust prevented their walking in the park: an infinite +number of open boats, filled with the court and city beauties, attended +the barges, in which were the Royal Family: collations, music, and +fireworks, completed the scene. The Chevalier de Grammont always made +one of the company, and it was very seldom that he did not add something +of his own invention, agreeably to surprise by some unexpected stroke of +magnificence and gallantry. Sometimes he had complete concerts of vocal +and instrumental music, which he privately brought from Paris, and which +struck up on a sudden in the midst of these parties; sometimes he gave +banquets, which likewise came from France, and which, even in the +midst of London, surpassed the king’s collations. These entertainments +sometimes exceeded, as others fell short of his expectations, but they +always cost him an immense deal of money. + +Lord Falmouth was one of those who had the greatest friendship and +esteem for the Chevalier de Grammont: this profusion gave him concern, +and as he often used to go and sup with him without ceremony, one day +finding only Saint Evremond there, and a supper fit for half a +dozen guests, who had been invited in form: “You must not,” said he, +addressing himself to the Chevalier de Grammont, “be obliged to me for +this visit. I come from the king’s ‘coucher’, where all the discourse +was about you; and I can assure you that the manner in which the king +spoke of you, could not afford you so much pleasure as I myself felt +upon the occasion. You know very well, that he has long since offered +you his good offices with the King of France; and for my own part,” + continued he, smiling, “you know very well that I would solicit him so +to do, if it was not through fear of losing you as soon as your peace is +made; but, thanks to Miss Hamilton, you are in no great haste: however, +I am ordered by the king, my master, to acquaint you, that while you +remain here, until you are restored to the favour of your sovereign, he +presents you with a pension of fifteen hundred Jacobus’s: it is indeed a +trifle, considering the figure the Chevalier de Grammont makes among us; +but it will assist him,” said he, embracing him, “to give us sometimes a +supper.” + +The Chevalier de Grammont received, as he ought, the offer of a favour +he did not think proper to accept: “I acknowledge,” said he, “the king’s +bounty in this proposal, but I am still more sensible of Lord Falmouth’s +generosity in it; and I request him to assure his Majesty of my perfect +gratitude: the king, my master, will not suffer me to want, when he +thinks fit to recall me; and while I continue here, I will let you +see that I have wherewithal to give my English friends now and then a +supper.” + +At these words, he called for his strong box, and showed him seven or +eight thousand guineas in solid gold. Lord Falmouth, willing to improve +to the Chevalier’s advantage the refusal of so advantageous an offer, +gave Monsieur de Comminge, then ambassador at the English court, an +account of it; nor did Monsieur de Comminge fail to represent properly +the merit of such a refusal to the French court. + +Hyde Park, every one knows, is the promenade of London! nothing was so +much in fashion, during the fine weather, as that promenade, which was +the rendezvous of magnificence and beauty: every one, therefore, who +had either sparkling eyes, or a splendid equipage, constantly repaired +thither; and the king seemed pleased with the place. + +Coaches with glasses were then a late invention. + + [Coaches were first introduced into England in the year 1564. + Taylor, the water poet, (Works, 1630, p. 240,) says,--“One William + Boonen, a Dutchman, brought first the use of coaches hither; and the + said Boonen was Queen Elizabeth’s coachman; for, indeed, a coach was + a strange monster in those days, and the sight of them put both + horse and man into amazement.” Dr. Percy observes, they were first + drawn by two horses, and that it was the favourite Buckingham, who, + about 1619, began to draw with six horses. About the same time, he + introduced the sedan. ‘The Ultimum Vale of John Carleton’, 4to, + 1663, p. 23, will, in a great measure, ascertain the time of the + introduction of glass coaches. He says, “I could wish her (i. e. + Mary Carleton’s) coach (which she said my lord Taff bought for her + in England, and sent it over to her, made of the new fashion, wide + glasse, very stately; and her pages and lacquies were of the same + livery,) was come for me,” &c.] + +The ladies were afraid of being shut up in them: they greatly preferred +the pleasure of showing almost their whole persons, to the conveniences +of modern coaches: that which was made for the king not being remarkable +for its elegance, the Chevalier de Grammont was of opinion that +something ingenious might be invented, which should partake of the +ancient fashion, and likewise prove preferable to the modern; he +therefore sent away Termes privately with all the necessary instructions +to Paris: the Duke of Guise was likewise charged with this commission; +and the courier, having by the favour of Providence escaped the +quicksand, in a month’s time brought safely over to England the most +elegant and magnificent calash that had ever been seen, which the +Chevalier presented to the king. + +The Chevalier de Grammont had given orders that fifteen hundred louis +should be expended upon it; but the Duke of Guise, who was his friend, +to oblige him, laid out two thousand. All the court was in admiration +at the magnificence of the present; and the king, charmed with the +Chevalier’s attention to everything which could afford him pleasure, +failed not to acknowledge it: he would not, however, accept a present of +so much value, but upon condition that the Chevalier should not refuse +another from him. + +The queen, imagining that so splendid a carriage might prove fortunate +for her, wished to appear in it first, with the Duchess of York. Lady +Castlemaine, who had seen them in it, thinking that it set off a fine +figure to greater advantage than any other, desired the king to lend her +this wonderful calash to appear in it the first fine day in Hyde Park: +Miss Stewart had the same wish, and requested to have it on the same +day. As it was impossible to reconcile these two goddesses, whose former +union was turned into mortal hatred, the king was very much perplexed. + +Lady Castlemaine was with child, and threatened to miscarry, if her +rival was preferred; Miss Stewart threatened, that she never would be +with child, if her request was not granted. This menace prevailed, and +Lady Castlemaine’s rage was so great, that she had almost kept her +word; and it was believed that this triumph cost her rival some of her +innocence. + +The queen dowager, who, though she had no share in these broils, had no +objection to them, and as usual being diverted with this circumstance, +she took occasion to joke with the Chevalier de Grammont, for having +thrown this bone of contention among such competitors; and did not fail +to give him, in the presence of the whole court, those praises which so +magnificent a present deserved: “But how comes it,” said she, “that you +have no equipage yourself, though you are at so great an expense? for I +am told that you do not keep even a single footman, and that one of the +common runners in the streets lights you home with a stinking link.” + “Madam,” said he, “the Chevalier de Grammont hates pomp: my linkboy, of +whom you speak, is faithful to my service; and besides, he is one of +the bravest fellows in the world. Your Majesty is unacquainted with +the nation of link-boys: it is a charming one, I can assure you: a man +cannot step out in the night without being surrounded by a dozen of +them. The first time I became acquainted with them, I retained all that +offered me their services; so that when I arrived at Whitehall, I had at +least two hundred about my chair: the sight was new; for those who had +seen me pass with this illumination, asked whose funeral it was. These +gentlemen, however, began fighting about some dozen shillings I had +thrown among them then; and he whom your Majesty mentions having beaten +three or four of his companions, I retained him for his valour. As for +the parade of coaches and footmen, I despise it: I have sometimes had +five or six valets-de-chambre at once, without having a single servant +in livery, except my chaplain Poussatin.” “How!” said the queen, +bursting out laughing, “a chaplain in your livery! he surely was not a +priest?” “Pardon me, madam,” said he, “and the first priest in the world +for dancing the Biscayan jig.” “Chevalier,” said the king, “pray tell us +the history of your chaplain Poussatin.” + + + + +CHAPTER EIGHTH. FUNNY ADVENTURE OF THE CHAPLAIN POUSSATIN--THE STORY +OF THE SIEGE OF LERIDA--MARRIAGE OF THE DUKE OF YORK, AND OTHER DETAILS +ABOUT THE ENGLISH COURT + + +“Sir,” said the Chevalier de Grammont, “the Prince de Conde besieged +Lerida: the place in itself was nothing; but Don Gregorio Brice who +defended it, was something. He was one of those Spaniards of the old +stamp, as valiant as the Cid, as proud as all the Guzmans put together, +and more gallant than all the Abencerrages of Granada: he suffered us +to make our first approaches to the place without the least molestation. +The Marshal de Grammont, whose maxim it was, that a governor who at +first makes a great blustering, and burns his suburbs in order to make +a noble defence, generally makes a very bad one, looked upon Gregorio de +Brice’s politeness as no good omen for us; but the prince, covered +with glory, and elated with the campaigns of Rocroy, Norlinguen, +and Fribourg, to insult both the place and the governor, ordered the +trenches to be mounted at noon-day by his own regiment, at the head of +which marched four-and-twenty fiddlers, as if it had been to a wedding. + +“Night approaching, we were all in high spirits: our violins were +playing soft airs, and we were comfortably regaling ourselves: God knows +how we were joking about the poor governor and his fortifications, both +of which we promised ourselves to take in less than twenty-four hours. +This was going on in the trenches, when we heard an ominous cry from the +ramparts, repeated two or three times, of, ‘Alerte on the walls!’ +This cry was followed by a discharge of cannon and musketry, and +this discharge by a vigorous sally, which, after having filled up the +trenches, pursued us as far as our grand guard. + +“The next day Gregorio Brice sent by a trumpet a present of ice and +fruit to the Prince de Conde, humbly beseeching his highness to excuse +his not returning the serenade which he was pleased to favour him with, +as unfortunately he had no violins; but that if the music of last night +was not disagreeable to him, he would endeavour to continue it as long +as he did him the honour to remain before the place. The Spaniard was +as good as his word; and as soon as we heard, ‘Alerte on the walls,’ we +were sure of a sally, that cleared our trenches, destroyed our works, +and killed the best of our officers and soldiers. The prince was so +piqued at it, that, contrary to the opinion of the general officers, he +obstinately persisted in carrying on a siege which was like to ruin his +army, and which he was at last forced to quit in a hurry. + +“As our troops were retiring, Don Gregorio, far from giving himself +those airs which governors generally do on such occasions, made no other +sally, than sending a respectful compliment to the prince. Signor Brice +set out not long after for Madrid, to give an account of his conduct, +and to receive the recompense he had merited. Your majesty perhaps will +be desirous to know what reception poor Brice met with, after having +performed the most brilliant action the Spaniards could boast of in all +the war--he was confined by the inquisition.” + +“How!” said the Queen Dowager, “confined by the inquisition for his +services!” “Not altogether for his services,” said the Chevalier; “but +without any regard to his services, he was treated in the manner I have +mentioned for a little affair of gallantry, which I shall relate to the +King presently. + +“The campaign of Catalonia being thus ended, we were returning home, not +overloaded with laurels; but as the Prince de Conde had laid up a great +store on former occasions, and as he had still great projects in his +head, he soon forgot this trifling misfortune: we did nothing but joke +with one another during the march, and the prince was the first to +ridicule the siege. We made some of those rhymes on Lerida, which were +sung all over France, in order to prevent others more severe; however, +we gained nothing by it, for notwithstanding we treated ourselves freely +in our own ballads, others were composed in Paris in which we were ten +times more severely handled. At last we arrived at Perpignan upon a +holy-day: a company of Catalans, who were dancing in the middle of the +street, out of respect to the prince came to dance under his windows: +Monsieur Poussatin, in a little black jacket, danced in the middle of +this company, as if he was really mad. I immediately recognized him +for my countryman, from his manner of skipping and frisking about: the +prince was charmed with his humour and activity. After the dance, I sent +for him, and inquired who he was: ‘A poor priest, at your service, my +lord,’ said he: ‘my name is Poussatin, and Bearn is my native country: I +was going into Catalonia to serve in the infantry, for, God be praised, +I can march very well on foot; but since the war is happily concluded, +if your lordship pleases to take me into your service, I would follow +you everywhere, and serve you faithfully.’ ‘Monsieur Poussatin,’ said I, +‘my lordship has no great occasion for a chaplain; but since you are so +well disposed towards me, I will take you into my service.’ + +“The Prince de Conde, who was present at this conversation, was +overjoyed at my having a chaplain. As poor Poussatin was in a very +tattered condition, I had no time to provide him with a proper habit +at Perpignan; but giving him a spare livery of one of the Marshal de +Grammont’s servants, I made him get up behind the prince’s coach, who +was like to die with laughing every time he looked at poor Poussatin’s +uncanonical mien in a yellow livery. + +“As soon as we arrived in Paris, the story was told to the Queen, who at +first expressed some surprise at it: this, however, did not prevent her +from wishing to see my chaplain dance; for in Spain it is not altogether +so strange to see ecclesiastics dance, as to see them in livery. + +“Poussatin performed wonders before the Queen; but as he danced with +great sprightliness, she could not bear the odour which his violent +motions diffused around her room the ladies likewise began to pray for +relief; for he had almost entirely got the better of all the perfumes +and essences with which they were fortified: Poussatin, nevertheless, +retired with a great deal of applause, and some louis d’or. + +“Some time afterwards I procured a small benefice in the country for my +chaplain, and I have since been informed that Poussatin preached +with the same ease in his village as he danced at the wedding of his +parishioners.” + +The King was exceedingly diverted at Poussatin’s history; and the Queen +was not much hurt at his having been put in livery: the treatment of +Gregorio Brice offended her far more; and being desirous to justify the +court of Spain, with respect to so cruel a proceeding: “Chevalier de +Grammont,” said she, “what heresy did Governor Brice wish to introduce +into the state? What crime against religion was he charged with, that he +was confined in the inquisition?” “Madam,” said he, “the history is not +very proper to be related before your majesty: it was a little amorous +frolic, ill-timed indeed; but poor Brice meant no harm: a school-boy +would not have been whipped for such a fault, in the most severe college +in France; as it was only for giving some proofs of his affection to +a young Spanish fair one, who had fixed her eyes upon him on a solemn +occasion.” + +The King desired to know the particulars of the adventure; and the +Chevalier gratified his curiosity, as soon as the Queen and the rest of +the court were out of hearing. It was very entertaining to hear him +tell a story; but it was very disagreeable to differ with him, either in +competition, or in raillery: it is true that at that time there were few +persons at the English court who had merited his indignation: Russell +was sometimes the subject of his ridicule, but he treated him far more +tenderly than he usually did a rival. + +This Russell was one of the most furious dancers in all England, I +mean, for country dances: he had a collection of two or three hundred in +print, all of which he danced at sight; and to prove that he was not an +old man, he sometimes danced until he was almost exhausted: his mode +of dancing was like that of his clothes, for they both had been out of +fashion full twenty years. + +The Chevalier de Grammont was very sensible that he was very much +in love; but though he saw very well that it only rendered him more +ridiculous, yet he felt some concern at the information he received, of +his intention of demanding Miss Hamilton in marriage; but his concern +did not last long. Russell, being upon the point of setting out on +a journey, thought it was proper to acquaint his mistress with his +intentions before his departure. The Chevalier de Grammont was a great +obstacle to the interview, he was desirous of obtaining of her; but +being one day sent for, to go and play at Lady Castlemaine’s, Russell +seized the opportunity, and addressing himself to Miss Hamilton, +with less embarrassment than is usual on such occasions, he made his +declaration to her in the following manner: “I am brother to the Earl of +Bedford: I command the regiment of guards: I have three thousand pounds +a year, and fifteen thousand in ready money: all which, madam, I come to +present to you, along with my person. One present, I agree, is not worth +much without the other, and therefore I put them together. I am advised +to go to some of the watering places for something of an asthma, which, +in all probability, cannot continue much longer, as I have had it for +these last twenty years: if you look upon me as worthy of the happiness +of belonging to you, I shall propose it to your father, to whom I +did not think it right to apply before I was acquainted with your +sentiments: my nephew William is at present entirely ignorant of my +intention; but I believe he will not be sorry for it, though he will +thereby see himself deprived of a pretty considerable estate; for he +has great affection for me, and besides, he has a pleasure in paying +his respects to you since he has perceived my attachment. I am very much +pleased that he should make his court to me, by the attention he pays +to you; for he did nothing but squander his money upon that coquet +Middleton, while at present he is at no expense, though he frequents the +best company in England.” + +Miss Hamilton had much difficulty to suppress her laughter during this +harangue: however, she told him that she thought herself much honoured +by his intentions towards her, and still more obliged to him for +consulting her, before he made any overtures to her relations: “It will +be time enough,” said she, “to speak to them upon the subject at your +return from the waters; for I do not think it is at all probable that +they will dispose of me before that time, and in case they should be +urgent in their solicitations, your nephew William will take care to +acquaint you; therefore, you may set out whenever you think proper; but +take care not to injure your health by returning too soon.” + +The Chevalier de Grammont, having heard the particulars of this +conversation, endeavoured, as well as he could, to be entertained +with it; though there were certain circumstances in the declaration, +notwithstanding the absurdity of others, which did not fail to give +him some uneasiness. Upon the whole, he was not sorry for Russell’s +departure; and, assuming an air of pleasantry, he went to relate to the +king how Heaven had favoured him by delivering him from so dangerous a +rival. “He is gone then, Chevalier,” said the king. “Certainly, sir,” + said he; “I had the honour to see him embark in a coach, with his +asthma, and country equipage, his perruque a calotte, neatly tied with +a yellow riband, and his old-fashioned hat covered with oil skin, which +becomes him uncommonly well: therefore, I have only to contend with +William Russell, whom he leaves as his resident with Miss Hamilton; and +as for him, I neither fear him upon his own account, nor his uncle’s; +he is too much in love himself to pay attention to the interests of +another; and as he has but one method of promoting his own, which is by +sacrificing the portrait, or some love-letters of Mrs. Middleton, I have +it easily in my power to counteract him in such kind of favours, though +I confess I have pretty well paid for them.” + +“Since your affairs proceed so prosperously with the Russells,” said the +king, “I will acquaint you that you are delivered from another rival, +much more dangerous, if he were not already married: my brother has +lately fallen in love with Lady Chesterfield.” “How many blessings at +once!” exclaimed the Chevalier de Grammont: “I have so many obligations +to him for this inconstancy, that I would willingly serve him in his new +amour, if Hamilton was not his rival: nor will your majesty take it ill, +if I promote the interests of my mistress’s brother, rather than those +of your majesty’s brother.” “Hamilton, however,” said the king, “does +not stand so much in need of assistance, in affairs of this nature, as +the Duke of York; but I know Lord Chesterfield is of such a disposition, +that he will not suffer men to quarrel about his wife, with the same +patience as the complaisant Shrewsbury; though he well deserves the same +fate.” Here follows a true description of Lord Chesterfield. + + [Philip, the second Earl of Chesterfield. He was constituted, in + 1662, lord-chamberlain to the queen, and colonel of a regiment of + foot, June 13, 1667. On November 29, 1679, he was appointed lord- + warden and chief-justice of the king’s forests on this side Trent, + and sworn of the privy-council, January 26, 1680. On November 6, + 1682, he was made colonel of the third regiment of foot, which, with + the rest of his preferments, he resigned on the accession of James + IT. He lived to the age of upwards of 80, and died, January 28, + 1713, at his house, in Bloomsbury-square.] + +He had a very agreeable face, a fine head of hair, an indifferent shape, +and a worse air; he was not, however, deficient in wit: a long residence +in Italy had made him ceremonious in his commerce with men, and jealous +in his connection with women: he had been much hated by the king; +because he had been much beloved by Lady Castlemaine: it was reported +that he had been in her good graces prior to her marriage; and as +neither of them denied it, it was the more generally believed. + +He had paid his devoirs to the eldest daughter of the Duke of Ormond, +while his heart was still taken up with his former passion: the king’s +love for Lady Castlemaine, and the advancement he expected from such an +alliance, made him press the match with as much ardour as if he had been +passionately in love: he had therefore married Lady Chesterfield without +loving her, and had lived some time with her in such coolness as to +leave her no room to doubt of his indifference. As she was endowed with +great sensibility and delicacy, she suffered at this contempt: she was +at first much affected with his behaviour, and afterwards enraged at +it; and, when he began to give her proofs of his affection, she had the +pleasure of convincing him of her indifference. + +They were upon this footing, when she resolved to cure Hamilton, as she +had lately done her husband, of all his remaining tenderness for Lady +Castlemaine. For her it was no difficult undertaking: the conversation +of the one was disagreeable, from the unpolished state of her manners, +her ill-timed pride, her uneven temper, and extravagant humours Lady +Chesterfield, on the contrary, knew how to heighten her charms with all +the bewitching attractions in the power of a woman to invent who wishes +to make a conquest. + +Besides all this, she had greater opportunities of making advances to +him than to any other: she lived at the Duke of Ormond’s, at Whitehall, +where Hamilton, as was said before, had free admittance at all hours: +her extreme coldness, or rather the disgust which she showed for her +husband’s returning affection, wakened his natural inclination to +jealousy: he suspected that she could not so very suddenly pass from +anxiety to indifference for him, without some secret object of a new +attachment; and, according to the maxim of all jealous husbands, he +immediately put in practice all his experience and industry, in order to +make a discovery, which was to destroy his own happiness. + +Hamilton, who knew his disposition, was, on the other hand, upon his +guard, and the more he advanced in his intrigue, the more attentive +was he to remove every degree of suspicion from the Earl’s mind: he +pretended to make him his confidant, in the most unguarded and open +manner, of his passion for Lady Castlemaine: he complained of her +caprice, and most earnestly desired his advice how to succeed with a +person whose affections he alone had entirely possessed. + +Chesterfield, who was flattered with this discourse, promised him his +protection with greater sincerity than it had been demanded: +Hamilton, therefore, was no further embarrassed than to preserve Lady +Chesterfield’s reputation, who, in his opinion, declared herself rather +too openly in his favour: but whilst he was diligently employed in +regulating, within the rules of discretion, the partiality she expressed +for him, and in conjuring her to restrain her glances within bounds, she +was receiving those of the Duke of York; and, what is more, made them +favourable returns. + +He thought that he had perceived it, as well as every one besides; but +he thought likewise, that all the world was deceived as well as himself: +how could he trust his own eyes, as to what those of Lady Chesterfield +betrayed for this new rival? He could not think it probable, that +a woman of her disposition could relish a man, whose manners had a +thousand times been the subject of their private ridicule; but what he +judged still more improbable was, that she should begin another intrigue +before she had given the finishing stroke to that in which her own +advances had engaged her: however, he began to observe her with more +circumspection, when he found by his discoveries, that if she did not +deceive him, at least the desire of doing so was not wanting. This he +took the liberty of telling her of; but she answered him in so high +a strain, and treated what he said so much like a phantom of his own +imagination, that he appeared confused without being convinced: all +the satisfaction he could procure from her, was her telling him, in a +haughty manner, that such unjust reproaches as his ought to have had a +better foundation. + +Lord Chesterfield had taken the same alarm; and being convinced, from +the observations he had made, that he had found out the happy lover who +had gained possession of his lady’s heart, he was satisfied; and +without teasing her with unnecessary reproaches, he only waited for an +opportunity to confound her, before he took his measures. + +After all, how can we account for Lady Chesterfield’s conduct, unless +we attribute it to the disease incident to most coquettes, who, charmed +with superiority, put in practice every art to rob another of her +conquest, and spare nothing to preserve it. + +But before we enter into the particulars of this adventure, let us +take a retrospect of the amours of his Royal Highness, prior to the +declaration of his marriage, and particularly of what immediately +preceded this declaration. It is allowable sometimes to drop the thread +of a narrative, when real facts, not generally known, give such a +variety upon the digression as to render it excusable: let us see then +how those things happened. + +The Duke of York’s marriage, with the chancellor’s daughter, was +deficient in none of those circumstances which render contracts of this +nature valid in the eye of heaven the mutual inclination, the formal +ceremony, witnesses, and every essential point of matrimony, had been +observed. + + [The material facts in this narrative are confirmed by Lord + Clarendon.--‘Continuation of his Life’, p. 33. It is difficult to + speak of the persons concerned in this infamous transaction without + some degree of asperity, notwithstanding they are, by a strange + perversion of language, styled, all men of honour.] + +Though the bride was no perfect beauty, yet, as there were none at +the court of Holland who eclipsed her, the Duke, during the first +endearments of matrimony, was so far from repenting of it, that he +seemed only to wish for the King’s restoration that he might have an +opportunity of declaring it with splendour; but when he saw himself +enjoying a rank which placed him so near the throne; when the possession +of Miss Hyde afforded him no new charms; when England, so abounding in +beauties, displayed all that was charming and lovely in the court of the +King his brother; and when he considered he was the only prince, who, +from such superior elevation, had descended so low, he began to reflect +upon it. On the one hand, his marriage appeared to him particularly ill +suited in every respect: he recollected that Jermyn had not engaged him +in an intimacy with Miss Hyde, until he had convinced him, by several +different circumstances, of the facility of succeeding: he looked upon +his marriage as an infringement of that duty and obedience he owed +to the King; the indignation with which the court, and even the whole +kingdom, would receive the account of his marriage presented itself to +his imagination, together with the impossibility of obtaining the King’s +consent to such an act, which for a thousand reasons he would be obliged +to refuse. On the other hand, the tears and despair of poor Miss Hyde +presented themselves; and still more than that, he felt a remorse +of conscience, the scruples of which began from that time to rise up +against him. + +In the midst of this perplexity he opened his heart to Lord Falmouth, +and consulted with him what method he ought to pursue: He could not have +applied to a better man for his own interests, nor to a worse for Miss +Hyde’s; for at first, Falmouth maintained not only that he was not +married, but that it was even impossible that he could ever have formed +such a thought; that any marriage was invalid for him, which was made +without the King’s consent, even if the party was a suitable match: +but that it was a mere jest, even to think of the daughter of an +insignificant lawyer, whom the favour of his sovereign had lately made a +peer of the realm, without any noble blood, and chancellor, without +any capacity; that as for his scruples, he had only to give ear to some +gentlemen whom he could introduce, who would thoroughly inform him of +Miss Hyde’s conduct before he became acquainted with her; and provided +he did not tell them that he really was married, he would soon have +sufficient grounds to come to a determination. + +The Duke of York consented, and Lord Falmouth, having assembled both +his council and his witnesses, conducted them to his Royal Highness’s +cabinet, after having instructed them how to act: these gentlemen were +the Earl of Arran, Jermyn, Talbot, and Killegrew, all men of honour; +but who infinitely preferred the Duke of York’s interest to Miss Hyde’s +reputation, and who, besides, were greatly dissatisfied, as well as the +whole court, at the insolent authority of the prime minister. + +The Duke having told them, after a sort of preamble, that although they +could not be ignorant of his affection for Miss Hyde, yet they might be +unacquainted with the engagements his tenderness for her had induced him +to contract; that he thought himself obliged to perform all the +promises he had made her; but as the innocence of persons of her age +was generally exposed to court scandal, and as certain reports, whether +false or true, had been spread abroad on the subject of her conduct, he +conjured them as his friends, and charged them upon their duty, to +tell him sincerely everything they knew upon the subject, since he was +resolved to make their evidence the rule of his conduct towards her. +They all appeared rather reserved at first, and seemed not to dare to +give their opinions upon an affair of so serious and delicate a nature; +but the Duke of York having renewed his entreaties, each began to relate +the particulars of what he knew, and perhaps of more than he knew, +of poor Miss Hyde; nor did they omit any circumstance necessary to +strengthen the evidence. For instance the Earl of Arran, who spoke +first, deposed, that in the gallery at Honslaerdyk, where the Countess +of Ossory, his sister-in-law, and Jermyn, were playing at nine-pins, +Miss Hyde, pretending to be sick, retired to a chamber at the end of +the gallery; that he, the deponent, had followed her, and having cut her +lace, to give a greater probability to the pretence of the vapours, he +had acquitted himself to the best of his abilities, both to assist and +to console her. + +Talbot said, that she had made an appointment with him in the +chancellor’s cabinet, while he was in council; and, that, not paying so +much attention to what was upon the table as to what they were engaged +in, they had spilled a bottle full of ink upon a despatch of four pages, +and that the King’s monkey, which was blamed for this accident, had been +a long time in disgrace. + +Jermyn mentioned many places where he had received long and favourable +audiences: however, all these articles of accusation amounted only +to some delicate familiarities, or at most, to what is generally +denominated the innocent part of an intrigue; but Killegrew, who wished +to surpass these trivial depositions, boldly declared that he had had +the honour of being upon the most intimate terms with her he was of a +sprightly and witty humour, and had the art of telling a story in the +most entertaining manner, by the graceful and natural turn he could +give it: he affirmed that he had found the critical minute in a certain +closet built over the water, for a purpose very different from that +of giving ease to the pains of love: that three or four swans had been +witnesses to his happiness, and might perhaps have been witnesses to the +happiness of many others, as the lady frequently repaired to that place, +and was particularly delighted with it. + +The Duke of York found this last accusation greatly out of bounds, being +convinced he himself had sufficient proofs of the contrary: he therefore +returned thanks to these officious informers for their frankness, +ordered them to be silent for the future upon what they had been telling +him, and immediately passed into the King’s apartment. + +As soon as he had entered the cabinet, Lord Falmouth, who had followed +him, related what had passed to the Earl of Ossory, whom he met in the +presence chamber: they strongly suspected what was the subject of the +conversation of the two brothers, as it was long; and the Duke of York +appeared to be in such agitation when he came out, that they no longer +doubted that the result had been unfavourable for poor Miss Hyde. Lord +Falmouth began to be affected for her disgrace, and to relent that he +had been concerned in it, when the Duke of York told him and the Earl of +Ossory to meet him in about an hour’s time at the chancellor’s. + +They were rather surprised that he should have the cruelty himself to +announce such a melancholy piece of news: they found his Royal Highness +at the appointed hour in Miss Hyde’s chamber: a few tears trickled down +her cheeks, which she endeavoured to restrain. The chancellor, leaning +against the wall, appeared to them to be puffed up with some thing, +which they did not doubt was--rage and despair. The Duke of York said to +them, with that serene and pleasant countenance with which men generally +announce good news: “As you are the two men of the court whom I most +esteem, I am desirous you should first have the honour of paying your +compliments to the Duchess of York: there she is.” + +Surprise was of no use, and astonishment was unseasonable on the present +occasion: they were, however, so greatly possessed with both surprise +and astonishment, that in order to conceal it, they immediately fell +on their knees to kiss her hand, which she gave to them with as much +majesty as if she had been used to it all her life. + +The next day the news was made public, and the whole court was eager to +pay her that respect, from a sense of duty, which in the end became very +sincere. + +The petits-maitres who had spoken against her, seeing their intentions +disappointed, were not a little embarrassed. Women are seldom accustomed +to forgive injuries of this nature; and, if they promise themselves the +pleasure of revenge, when they gain the power they seldom forget it: in +the present case, however, the fears of these petits-maitres were their +only punishment. + +The Duchess of York, being fully informed of all that was said in the +cabinet concerning her, instead of showing the least resentment, studied +to distinguish, by all manner of kindness and good offices, those who +had attacked her in so sensible a part; nor did she ever mention it to +them, but in order to praise their zeal, and to tell them that nothing +was a greater proof of the attachment of a man of honour, than his being +more solicitous for the interest of his friend or master, than for his +own reputation: a remarkable example of prudence and moderation, not +only for the fair sex, but even for those who value themselves most upon +their philosophy among the men. + +The Duke of York, having quieted his conscience by the declaration of +his marriage, thought that he was entitled, by this generous effort, to +give way a little to his inconstancy: he therefore immediately seized +upon whatever he could first lay his hands upon: this was Lady Carnegy, +who had been in several other hands. She was still tolerably handsome, +and her disposition, naturally inclined to tenderness, did not oblige +her new lover long to languish. Everything coincided with their wishes +for some time: Lord Carnegy, her husband, was in Scotland; but his +father dying suddenly, he as suddenly returned with the title of +Southesk, which his wife detested; but which she took more patiently +than she received the news of his return. Some private intimation +had been given him of the honour that was done him in his absence: +nevertheless, he did not show his jealousy at first; but, as he was +desirous to be satisfied of the reality of the fact, he kept a strict +watch over his wife’s actions. The Duke of York and her ladyship had, +for some time, been upon such terms of intimacy, as not to pass their +time in frivolous amusements; however, the husband’s return obliged them +to maintain some decorum: he therefore never went to her house, but in +form, that is to say, always accompanied by some friend or other, to +give his amours at least the appearance of a visit. + +About this time Talbot returned from Portugal: this connection had taken +place during his absence; and without knowing who Lady Southesk was, he +had been informed that his master was in love with her. + +A few days after his arrival, he was carried, merely to keep up +appearances, to her house by the duke; and after being introduced, and +some compliments having been paid on both sides, he thought it his duty +to give his Royal Highness an opportunity to pay his compliments, and +accordingly retired into the ante-chamber, which looked into the street, +and placed himself at the window to view the people as they passed. + +He was one of the best meaning men in the world on such occasions; +but was so subject to forgetfulness, and absence of mind, that he once +forgot, and left behind him at London, a complimentary letter which the +duke had given him for the Infanta of Portugal, and never recollected it +till he was going to his audience. + +He stood sentry, as we have before said, very attentive to his +instructions, when he saw a coach stop at the door, without being in the +least concerned at it, and still less, at a man whom he saw get out of +it, and whom he immediately heard coming upstairs. + +The devil, who ought to be civil upon such occasions, forgot himself in +the present instance, and brought up Lord Southesk ‘in propria persona’: +his Royal Highness’s equipage had been sent home, because my lady had +assured him that her husband was gone to see a bear and a bull baiting, +an entertainment in which he took great delight, and from whence he +seldom returned until it was very late; so that Southesk, not seeing any +equipage at the door, little imagined that he had such good company in +his house; but if he was surprised to see Talbot carelessly lolling in +his wife’s ante-chamber, his surprise was soon over. Talbot, who had not +seen him since they were in Flanders, and never supposing that he had +changed his name: “Welcome, Carnegy, welcome, my good fellow,” said he, +giving him his hand, “where the devil have you been, that I have never +been able to set eyes on you since we were at Brussels? What business +brought you here? Do you likewise wish to see Lady Southesk? If this is +your intention, my poor friend, you may go away again; for I must +inform you, the Duke of York is in love with her, and I will tell you in +confidence, that, at this very time, he is in her chamber.” + +Southesk, confounded as one may suppose, had no time to answer all +these fine questions: Talbot, therefore, attended him downstairs as his +friend; and, as his humble servant, advised him to seek for a mistress +elsewhere. Southesk, not knowing what else to do at that time, returned +to his coach; and Talbot, overjoyed at the adventure, impatiently waited +for the duke’s return, that he might acquaint him with it; but he was +very much surprised to find that the story afforded no pleasure to those +who had the principal share in it; and his greatest concern was, +that Carnegy had changed his name, as if only to draw him into such a +confidence. + +This accident broke off a commerce which the Duke of York did not much +regret; and indeed it was happy for him that he became indifferent; for +the traitor Southesk meditated a revenge, whereby, without using either +assassination or poison, he would have obtained some satisfaction upon +those who had injured him, if the connection had continued any longer. + +He went to the most infamous places, to seek for the most infamous +disease, which he met with; but his revenge was only half completed; for +after he had gone through every remedy to get quit of his disease, his +lady did but return him his present, having no more connection with the +person for whom it was so industriously prepared. + + [Bishop Burnet, taking notice of the Duke of York’s amours, says, + “a story was set about, and generally believed, that the Earl of + Southesk, that had married a daughter of the Duke of Hamilton’s, + suspecting some familiarities between the duke and his wife, had + taken a sure method to procure a disease to himself, which he + communicated to his wife, and was, by that means, sent round till it + came to the duchess. Lord Southesk was, for some years, not ill + pleased to have this believed. It looked like a peculiar strain of + revenge, with which he seemed much delighted. But I know he has, to + some of his friends, denied the whole of the story very solemnly.” + --history of His Own Times, vol. i., p. 319. It is worthy of notice + that the passage in the text was omitted in most editions of + Grammont, and retained in that of Strawberry-hill, in 1772.] + +Lady Robarts was then in the zenith of her glory; her beauty was +striking; yet, notwithstanding the brightness of the finest complexion, +with all the bloom of youth, and with every requisite for inspiring +desire, she nevertheless was not attractive. The Duke of York, +however, would probably have been successful, if difficulties, almost +insurmountable, had not disappointed his good intentions: Lord Robarts, +her husband, was an old, snarling, troublesome, peevish fellow, in +love with her to distraction, and to complete her misery, a perpetual +attendant on her person. + +She perceived his Royal Highness’s attachment to her, and seemed as if +she was inclined to be grateful: this redoubled his eagerness, and every +outward mark of tenderness he could possibly show her; but the watchful +husband redoubling his zeal and assiduity, as he found the approaches +advance, every art was practised to render him tractable: several +attacks were made upon his avarice and his ambition. Those who possessed +the greatest share of his confidence, insinuated to him that it was his +own fault if Lady Robarts, who was so worthy of being at court, was +not received into some considerable post, either about the queen or the +duchess: he was offered to be made Lord Lieutenant of the county where +his estate was; or to have the management of the Duke of York’s revenues +in Ireland, of which he should have the entire disposal, provided +he immediately set out to take possession of his charge; and having +accomplished it, he might return as soon as ever he thought proper. + +He perfectly well understood the meaning of these proposals, and was +fully apprised of the advantages he might reap from them: in vain did +ambition and avarice hold out their allurements; he was deaf to all +their temptations, nor could ever the old fellow be persuaded to be +made a cuckold. It is not always an aversion to, or a dread of this +distinction, which preserves us from it: of this her husband was +very sensible; therefore, under the pretence of a pilgrimage to +Saint Winifred, the virgin and martyr, who was said to cure women of +barrenness, he did not rest, until the highest mountains in Wales were +between his wife and the person who had designed to perform this miracle +in London, after his departure. + +The duke was for some time entirely taken up with the pleasures of the +chase, and only now and then engaged in those of love; but his taste +having undergone a change in this particular, and the remembrance of +Lady Robarts wearing off by degrees, his eyes and wishes were turned +towards Miss Brook; and it was in the height of this pursuit that Lady +Chesterfield threw herself into his arms, as we shall see by resuming +the sequel of her adventures. + +The Earl of Bristol, ever restless and ambitious, had put in practice +every art, to possess himself of the king’s favour. As this is the same +Digby whom Count Bussy mentions in his annals, it will be sufficient to +say that he was not at all changed: he knew that love and pleasure had +possession of a master, whom he himself governed, in defiance of the +chancellor; thus he was continually giving entertainments at his house; +and luxury and elegance seemed to rival each other in those nocturnal +feasts, which always lead to other enjoyments. The two Miss Brooks, his +relations, were always of those parties; they were both formed by nature +to excite love in others, as well as to be susceptible of it themselves; +they were just what the king wanted: the earl, from this commencement, +was beginning to entertain a good opinion of his project, when Lady +Castlemaine, who had lately gained entire possession of the king’s +heart, was not in a humour, at that time, to share it with another, as +she did very indiscreetly afterwards, despising Miss Stewart. As soon, +therefore, as she received intimation of these secret practices, under +pretence of attending the king in his parties, she entirely disconcerted +them; so that the earl was obliged to lay aside his projects, and Miss +Brook to discontinue her advances. The king did not even dare to think +any more on this subject; but his brother was pleased to look after what +he neglected; and Miss Brook accepted the offer of his heart, until it +pleased heaven to dispose of her otherwise, which happened soon after in +the following manner. + +Sir John Denham, loaded with wealth as well as years, had passed his +youth in the midst of those pleasures which people at that age indulge +in without restraint; he was one of the brightest geniuses England +ever produced, for wit and humour, and for brilliancy of composition: +satirical and free in his poems, he spared neither frigid writers, nor +jealous husbands, nor even their wives: every part abounded with the +most poignant wit, and the most entertaining stories; but his most +delicate and spirited raillery turned generally against matrimony; and, +as if he wished to confirm, by his own example, the truth of what he had +written in his youth, he married, at the age of seventy-nine, this Miss +Brook of whom we are speaking, who was only eighteen. + +The Duke of York had rather neglected her for some time before; but the +circumstance of so unequal a match rekindled his ardour; and she, on her +part, suffered him to entertain hopes of an approaching bliss, which a +thousand considerations had opposed before her marriage: she wished +to belong to the court; and for the promise of being made lady of the +bedchamber to the duchess, she was upon the point of making him another +promise, or of immediately performing it, if required, when, in the +middle of this treaty, Lady Chesterfield was tempted, by her evil +genius, to rob her of her conquest, in order to disturb all the world. + +However, as Lady Chesterfield could not see the Duke of York, except +in public assemblies, she was under the necessity of making the most +extravagant advances, in order to seduce him from his former connection; +and as he was the most unguarded ogler of his time, the whole court was +informed of the intrigue before it was well begun. + +Those who appeared the most attentive to their conduct were not the +least interested in it. Hamilton and Lord Chesterfield watched them +narrowly; but Lady Denham, vexed that Lady Chesterfield should have +stepped in before her, took the liberty of railing against her rival +with the greatest bitterness. Hamilton had hitherto flattered himself +that vanity alone had engaged Lady Chesterfield in this adventure; but +he was soon undeceived, whatever her indifference might have been when +she first commenced this intrigue. We often proceed farther than we at +first intended, when we indulge ourselves in trifling liberties which we +think of no consequence; for though perhaps the heart takes no part at +the beginning, it seldom fails to be engaged in the end. + +The court, as we have mentioned before, was an entire scene of gallantry +and amusements, with all the politeness and magnificence which the +inclinations of a prince naturally addicted to tenderness and pleasure, +could suggest: the beauties were desirous of charming, and the men +endeavoured to please: all studied to set themselves off to the best +advantage: some distinguished themselves by dancing; others by show and +magnificence; some by their wit, many by their amours, but few by their +constancy. There was a certain Italian at court, famous for the guitar: +he had a genius for music, and he was the only man who could make +anything of the guitar: his style of play was so full of grace and +tenderness, that he would have given harmony to the most discordant +instruments. The truth is, nothing was so difficult as to play like +this foreigner. The king’s relish for his compositions had brought the +instrument so much into vogue, that every person played upon it, well or +ill; and you were as sure to see a guitar on a lady’s toilet as rouge or +patches. The Duke of York played upon it tolerably well, and the Earl +of Arran like Francisco himself. This Francisco had composed a saraband, +which either charmed or infatuated every person; for the whole guitarery +at court were trying at it; and God knows what an universal strumming +there was. The Duke of York, pretending not to be perfect in it, desired +Lord Arran to play it to him. Lady Chesterfield had the best guitar +in England. The Earl of Arran, who was desirous of playing his best, +conducted his Royal Highness to his sister’s apartments: she was lodged +at court, at her father’s, the Duke of Ormond’s; and this wonderful +guitar was lodged there too. Whether this visit had been preconcerted or +not, I do not pretend to say; but it is certain that they found both +the lady and the guitar at home: they likewise found there Lord +Chesterfield, so much surprised at this unexpected visit, that it was a +considerable time before he thought of rising from his seat to receive +them with due respect. + +Jealousy, like a malignant vapour, now seized upon his brain: a thousand +suspicions, blacker than ink, took possession of his imagination, and +were continually increasing; for, whilst the brother played upon the +guitar to the duke, the sister ogled and accompanied him with her eyes, +as if the coast had been clear, and no enemy to observe them. This +saraband was at least repeated twenty times: the duke declared it +was played to perfection: Lady Chesterfield found fault with the +composition; but her husband, who clearly perceived that he was the +person played upon, thought it a most detestable piece. However, though +he was in the last agony at being obliged to curb his passion while +others gave a free scope to theirs, he was resolved to find out the +drift of the visit; but it was not in his power: for, having the +honour to be chamberlain to the queen, a messenger came to require his +immediate attendance on her majesty. His first thought was to pretend +sickness: the second to suspect that the queen, who sent for him at +such an unseasonable time, was in the plot; but at last, after all the +extravagant ideas of a suspicious man, and all the irresolutions of a +jealous husband, he was obliged to go. + +We may easily imagine what his state of mind was when he arrived at the +palace. Alarms are to the jealous what disasters are to the unfortunate: +they seldom come alone, but form a series of persecution. He was +informed that he was sent for to attend the queen at an audience she +gave to seven or eight Muscovite ambassadors: he had scarce begun to +curse the Muscovites, when his brother-in-law appeared, and drew upon +himself all the imprecations he bestowed upon the embassy: he no longer +doubted his being in the plot with the two persons he had left together, +and in his heart sincerely wished him such recompense for his good +offices as such good offices deserved. It was with great difficulty +that he restrained himself from immediately acquainting him what was his +opinion of such conduct: he thought that what he had already seen was +a sufficient proof of his wife’s infidelity; but before the end of +the very same day, some circumstances occurred which increased his +suspicions, and persuaded him that they had taken advantage of his +absence, and of the honourable officiousness of his brother-in-law. He +passed, however, that night with tranquillity; but the next morning, +being reduced to the necessity either of bursting or giving vent to his +sorrows and conjectures, he did nothing but think and walk about the +room until Park-time. He went to court, seemed very busy, as if seeking +for some person or other, imagining that people guessed at the subject +of his uneasiness: he avoided everybody, but at length meeting with +Hamilton, he thought he was the very man that he wanted; and, having +desired him to take an airing with him in Hyde Park, he took him up in +his coach, and they arrived at the Ring, without a word having passed +between them. + +Hamilton, who saw him as yellow as jealousy itself, and particularly +thoughtful, imagined that he had just discovered what all the world had +perceived long before; when Chesterfield, after a broken, insignificant +preamble, asked him how he succeeded with Lady Castlemaine. Hamilton, +who very well saw that he meant nothing by this question, nevertheless +thanked him; and as he was thinking of an answer: “Your cousin,” said +the earl, “is extremely coquettish, and I have some reason to suppose +she is not so prudent as she ought to be.” Hamilton thought the last +charge a little too severe; and as he was endeavouring to refute it: +“Good God!” said my lord, “you see, as well as the whole court, what +airs she gives herself: husbands are always the last people that are +spoken to about those affairs that concern them the most; but they are +not always the last to perceive it themselves: though you have made me +your confidant in other matters, yet I am not at all surprised you have +concealed this from me; but as I flatter myself with having some share +in your esteem, I should be sorry you should think me such a fool as to +be incapable of seeing, though I am so complaisant as not to express my +sentiments: nevertheless, I find that affairs are now carried on with +such barefaced boldness, that at length I find I shall be forced to take +some course or other. God forbid that I should act the ridiculous part +of a jealous husband: the character is odious; but then I do not intend, +through an excess of patience, to be made the jest of the town. Judge, +therefore, from what I am going to tell you, whether I ought to sit down +unconcerned, or whether I ought to take measures for the preservation of +my honour. + +“His royal highness honoured me yesterday by a visit to my wife.” + Hamilton started at this beginning. “Yes,” continued the other, “he +did give himself that trouble, and Lord Arran took upon himself that of +bringing him: do not you wonder, that a man of his birth should act such +a part? What advancement can he expect from one who employs him in such +base services? But we have long known him to be one of the silliest +creatures in England, with his guitar, and his other whims and follies.” + Chesterfield, after this short sketch of his brother-in-law’s merit, +began to relate the observations he had made during the visit, and asked +Hamilton what he thought of his cousin Arran, who had so obligingly left +them together. “This may appear surprising to you,” continued he, “but +hear me out, and judge whether I have reason to think that the close +of this pretty visit passed in perfect innocence. Lady Chesterfield +is amiable, it must be acknowledged; but she is far from being such a +miracle of beauty as she supposes herself: you know she has ugly feet; +but perhaps you are not acquainted that she has still worse legs.” + “Pardon me,” said Hamilton, within himself: and the other continuing the +description: “Her legs,” said his lordship, “are short and thick; and, +to remedy these defects as much as possible, she seldom wears any other +than green stockings.” + +Hamilton could not for his life imagine the drift of all this discourse, +and Chesterfield, guessing his thoughts: “Have a little patience,” said +he: “I went yesterday to Miss Stewart’s, after the audience of those +damned Muscovites: the king arrived there just before me; and as if the +duke had sworn to pursue me wherever I went that day, he came in just +after me. The conversation turned upon the extraordinary appearance of +the ambassadors. I know not where that fool Crofts had heard that +all these Muscovites had handsome wives; and that all their wives had +handsome legs. Upon this the king maintained that no woman ever had +such handsome legs as Miss Stewart; and she, to prove the truth of his +majesty’s assertion, with the greatest imaginable ease, immediately +shewed her leg above the knee. Some were ready to prostrate themselves, +in order to adore its beauty; for indeed none can be handsomer; but +the duke alone began to criticise upon it. He contended that it was too +slender, and that as for himself he would give nothing for a leg that +was not thicker and shorter, and concluded by saying that no leg was +worth anything without green stockings. Now this, in my opinion, was a +sufficient demonstration that he had just seen green stockings, and had +them fresh in his remembrance.” + +Hamilton was at a loss what countenance to put on during a narrative +which raised in him nearly the same conjectures; he shrugged up his +shoulders, and faintly said that appearances were often deceitful; that +Lady Chesterfield had the foible of all beauties, who place their merit +on the number of their admirers; and whatever airs she might imprudently +have given herself, in order not to discourage his royal highness, +there was no ground to suppose that she would indulge him in any greater +liberties to engage him: but in vain was it that he endeavoured to +give that consolation to his friend which he did not feel himself. +Chesterfield plainly perceived he did not think of what he was saying; +however, he thought himself much obliged to him for the interest he +seemed to take in his concerns. + +Hamilton was in haste to go home to vent his spleen and resentment in a +letter to his cousin. The style of this billet was very different from +those which he formerly was accustomed to write to her: reproaches, +bitter expostulations, tenderness, menaces, and all the effusions of +a lover who thinks he has reason to complain, composed this epistle; +which, for fear of accidents, he went to deliver himself. + +Never did she before appear so lovely, and never did her eyes speak so +kindly to him as at this moment: his heart quite relented; but he was +determined not to lose all the fine things he had said in his letter. +In receiving it, she squeezed his hand: this action completely disarmed +him, and he would have given his life to have had his letter again. It +appeared to him at this instant that all the grievances he complained +of were visionary and groundless: he looked upon her husband as a madman +and an impostor, and quite the reverse of what he supposed him to be +a few minutes before; but this remorse came a little too late: he had +delivered his billet, and Lady Chesterfield had shewn such impatience +and eagerness to read it as soon as she had got it that all +circumstances seemed to conspire to justify her, and to confound +him. She managed to get quit, some way or other, of some troublesome +visitors, to slip into her closet. He thought himself so culpable that +he had not the assurance to wait her return: he withdrew with the rest +of the company; but he did not dare to appear before her the next day, +to have an answer to his letter: however, he met her at court; and this +was the first time, since the commencement of their amour, that he +did not seek for her. He stood at a distance, with downcast looks, +and appeared in such terrible embarrassment that his condition was +sufficient to raise laughter or to cause pity, when Lady Chesterfield +approaching, thus accosted him: “Confess,” said she, “that you are in +as foolish a situation as any man of sense can be: you wish you had not +written to me: you are desirous of an answer: you hope for none: yet you +equally wish for and dread it: I have, however, written you one.” + She had not time to say more; but the few words she had spoken were +accompanied with such an air, and such a look, as to make him believe +that it was Venus with all her graces who had addressed him. He was near +her when she sat down to cards, and as he was puzzling himself to devise +by what means he should get this answer, she desired him to lay her +gloves and fan down somewhere: he took them, and with them the billet +in question; and as he had perceived nothing severe or angry in the +conversation he had with her, he hastened to open her letter, and read +as follows: + +“Your transports are so ridiculous that it is doing you a favour to +attribute them to an excess of tenderness, which turns your head: a man, +without doubt, must have a great inclination to be jealous, to entertain +such an idea of the person you mention. Good God! what a lover to have +caused uneasiness to a man of genius, and what a genius to have got the +better of mine! Are not you ashamed to give any credit to the visions +of a jealous fellow who brought nothing else with him from Italy? Is +it possible that the story of the green stockings, upon which he has +founded his suspicions, should have imposed upon you, accompanied as it +is with such pitiful circumstances? Since he has made you his confidant, +why did not he boast of breaking in pieces my poor harmless guitar? +This exploit, perhaps, might have convinced you more than all the rest: +recollect yourself, and if you are really in love with me, thank +fortune for a groundless jealousy, which diverts to another quarter the +attention he might pay to my attachment for the most amiable and the +most dangerous man of the court.” + +Hamilton was ready to weep for joy at these endearing marks of kindness, +of which he thought himself so unworthy he was not satisfied with +kissing, in raptures, every part of this billet; he also kissed several +times her gloves and her fan. Play being over, Lady Chesterfield +received them from his hands, and read in his eyes the joy that her +billet had raised in his heart. Nor was he satisfied with expressing +his raptures, only by looks: he hastened home, and wrote to her at least +four times as much. How different was this letter from the other! Though +perhaps not so well written; for one does not show so much wit in suing +for pardon, as in venting reproaches, and it seldom happens that the +soft languishing style of a love-letter is so penetrating as that of +invective. + +Be that as it may, his peace was made: their past quarrel gave new life +to their correspondence; and Lady Chesterfield, to make him as easy as +he had before been distrustful expressed on every occasion a feigned +contempt for his rival, and a sincere aversion for her husband. + +So great was his confidence in her, that he consented she should show in +public some marks of attention to the duke, in order to conceal as +much as possible their private intelligence. Thus, at this time nothing +disturbed his peace of mind, but his impatience of finding a favourable +opportunity for the completion of his desires: he thought it was in +her power to command it; but she excused herself on account of several +difficulties which she enumerated to him, and which she was desirous he +should remove by his industry and attentions. + +This silenced his complaints; but whilst he was endeavouring to surmount +these obstacles, still wondering how it was possible that two persons +who were so well disposed to each other, and who were agreed to make +each other happy, could not put their designs in execution, accident +discovered an unexpected adventure, which left him no room to doubt, +either of the happiness of his rival, or of the perfidy of his mistress. + +Misfortunes often fall light when most feared; and frequently prove +heaviest when merited, and when least suspected. Hamilton was in the +middle of the most tender and passionate letter he had ever written +to Lady Chesterfield, when her husband came to announce to him the +particulars of this last discovery: he came so suddenly upon him, that +he had only just time to conceal his amorous epistle among his other +papers. His heart and mind were still so full of what he was writing to +his cousin, that her husband’s complaints against her, at first, were +scarce attended to; besides, in his opinion, he had come in the most +unfortunate moment on all accounts. + +He was, however, obliged to listen to him, and he soon entertained quite +different sentiments: he appeared almost petrified with astonishment, +while the earl was relating to him circumstances of such an extravagant +indiscretion, as seemed to him quite incredible, notwithstanding the +particulars of the fact. “You have reason to be surprised at it,” said +my lord, concluding his story; “but if you doubt the truth of what I +tell you, it will be easy for you to find evidence that will convince +you; for the scene of their tender familiarities was no less public than +the room where the queen plays at cards, which while her majesty was at +play, was, God knows, pretty well crowded. Lady Denham was the first who +discovered what they thought would pass unperceived in the crowd; and +you may very well judge hew secret she would keep such a circumstance. +The truth is, she addressed herself to me first of all, as I entered the +room, to tell me that I should give my wife a little advice, as other +people might take notice of what I might see myself, if I pleased. + +“Your cousin was at play, as I before told you: the duke was sitting +next to her: I know not what was become of his hand; but I am sure that +no one could see his arm below the elbow: I was standing behind them, +just in the place that Lady Denham had quitted: the duke turning round +perceived me, and was so much disturbed at my presence, that he almost +undressed my lady in pulling away his hand. I know not whether they +perceived that they were discovered; but of this I am convinced, that +Lady Denham will take care that everybody shall know it. I must confess +to you, that my embarrassment is so great, that I cannot find words to +express what I now feel: I should not hesitate one moment what course to +take, if I might be allowed to show my resentment against the person who +has wronged me. As for her, I could manage her well enough, if, unworthy +as she is of any consideration, I had not still some regard for an +illustrious family, that would be distracted were I to resent such an +injury as it deserves. In this particular you are interested yourself: +you are my friend, and I make you my confidant in an affair of the +greatest imaginable delicacy: let us then consult together what is +proper to be done in so perplexing and disagreeable a situation.” + +Hamilton, if possible, more astonished, and more confounded than +himself, was far from being in a proper state to afford him advice on +the present occasion: he listened to nothing but jealousy, and breathed +nothing but revenge; but these emotions being somewhat abated, in hopes +that there might be calumny, or at least exaggeration in the charges +against Lady Chesterfield, he desired her husband to suspend his +resolutions, until he was more fully informed of the fact; assuring him, +however, that if he found the circumstances such as he had related, he +should regard and consult no other interest than his. + +Upon this they parted; and Hamilton found, on the first inquiry, that +almost the whole court was informed of the adventure, to which every one +added something in relating it. Vexation and resentment, inflamed his +heart, and by degrees extinguished every remnant of his former passion. + +He might easily have seen her, and have made her such reproaches as a +man is generally inclined to do, on such occasions; but he was too much +enraged to enter into any detail which might have led to an explanation: +he considered himself as the only person essentially injured in this +affair; for he could never bring his mind to think that the injuries of +the husband could be placed in competition with those of the lover. + +He hastened to Lord Chesterfield, in the transport of his passion, and +told him that he had heard enough to induce him to give such advice, as +he should follow himself in the same situation, and that if he wished to +save a woman so strongly prepossessed, and who perhaps had not yet lost +all her innocence, though she had totally lost her reason, he ought +not to delay one single instant, but immediately to carry her into the +country with the greatest possible expedition, without allowing her the +least time to recover her surprise. + +Lord Chesterfield readily agreed to follow this advice, which he had +already considered as the only counsel a friend could give him; but his +lady who did not suspect he had made this last discovery of her conduct, +thought he was joking with her, when he told her to prepare for going +into the country in two days: she was the more induced to think so as +it was in the very middle of an extremely severe winter; but she soon +perceived that he was in earnest: she knew from the air and manner of +her husband that he thought he had sufficient reason to treat her in +this imperious style; and finding all her relations serious and cold +to her complaint, she had no hope left in this universally abandoned +situation but in the tenderness of Hamilton. She imagined she should +hear from him the cause of her misfortunes, of which she was still +totally ignorant, and that his love would invent some means or other +to prevent a journey, which she flattered herself would be even more +affecting to him than to herself; but she was expecting pity from a +crocodile. + +At last, when she saw the eve of her departure was come, that every +preparation was made for a long journey; that she was receiving farewell +visits in form, and that still she heard nothing from Hamilton, both +her hopes and her patience forsook her in this wretched situation. A few +tears perhaps might have afforded her some relief, but she chose +rather to deny herself that comfort, than to give her husband so much +satisfaction. Hamilton’s conduct on this occasion appeared to her +unaccountable; and as he still never came near her, she found means to +convey to him the following billet. + +“Is it possible that you should be one of those, who, without +vouchsafing to tell me for what crime I am treated like a slave, suffer +me to be dragged from society? What means your silence and indolence in +a juncture wherein your tenderness ought most particularly to appear, +and actively exert itself? I am upon the point of departing, and am +ashamed to think that you are the cause of my looking upon it with +horror, as I have reason to believe that you are less concerned at it +than any other person: do, at least, let me know to what place I am to +be dragged; what is to be done with me within a wilderness? and on what +account you, like all the rest of the world, appear changed in your +behaviour towards a person whom all the world could not oblige to change +with regard to you, if your weakness or your ingratitude did not render +you unworthy of her tenderness.” + +This billet did but harden his heart, and make him more proud of his +vengeance: he swallowed down full draughts of pleasure in beholding her +reduced to despair, being persuaded that her grief and regret for +her departure were on account of another person: he felt uncommon +satisfaction in having a share in tormenting her, and was particularly +pleased with the scheme he had contrived to separate her from a rival, +upon the very point perhaps of being made happy. Thus fortified as he +was against his natural tenderness, with all the severity of jealous +resentment, he saw her depart with an indifference which he did not even +endeavour to conceal from her: this unexpected treatment, joined to the +complication of her other misfortunes, had almost in reality plunged her +into despair. + +The court was filled with the story of this adventure; nobody was +ignorant of the occasion of this sudden departure, but very few approved +of Lord Chesterfield’s conduct. In England they looked with astonishment +upon a man who could be so uncivil as to be jealous of his wife; and in +the city of London it was a prodigy, till that time unknown, to see a +husband have recourse to violent means, to prevent what jealousy fears, +and what it always deserves. They endeavoured, however, to excuse poor +Lord Chesterfield, as far as they could safely do it, without incurring +the public odium, by laying all the blame on his bad education. This +made all the mothers vow to God that none of their sons should ever set +a foot in Italy, lest they should bring back with them that infamous +custom of laying restraint upon their wives. + + + + +CHAPTER NINTH. VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT + + +Every man who believes that his honour depends upon that of his wife +is a fool who torments himself, and drives her to despair; but he who, +being naturally jealous, has the additional misfortune of loving his +wife, and who expects that she should only live for him; is a perfect +madman, whom the torments of hell have actually taken hold of in this +world, and whom nobody pities. All reasoning and observation on these +unfortunate circumstances attending wedlock concur in this, that +precaution is vain and useless before the evil, and revenge odious +afterwards. + +The Spaniards, who tyrannise over their wives, more by custom than +from jealousy, content themselves with preserving the niceness of their +honour by duennas, grates, and locks. + +The Italians, who are wary in their suspicions, and vindictive in their +resentments, pursue a different line of conduct: some satisfy themselves +with keeping their wives under locks which they think secure: others +by ingenious precautions exceed whatever the Spaniards can invent for +confining the fair sex but the generality are of opinion, that in either +unavoidable danger or in manifest transgression, the surest way is to +assassinate. + +But, ye courteous and indulgent nations, who, far from admitting these +savage and barbarous customs, give full liberty to your dear ribs, +and commit the care of their virtue to their own discretion, you pass +without alarms or strife your peaceful days, in all the enjoyments of +domestic indolence! + +It was certainly some evil genius that induced Lord Chesterfield to +distinguish himself from his patient and good-natured countrymen, and +ridiculously to afford the world an opportunity of examining into the +particulars of an adventure which would perhaps never have been known +without the verge of the court, and which would everywhere have been +forgotten in less than a month; but now, as soon as ever he had turned +his back, in order to march away with his prisoner, and the ornaments +she was supposed to have bestowed upon him, God only knows what a +terrible attack there was made upon his rear: Rochester, Middlesex, +Sedley, Etheredge, and all the whole band of wits, exposed him in +numberless ballads, and diverted the public at his expense. + +The Chevalier de Grammont was highly pleased with these lively and +humorous compositions; and wherever this subject was mentioned, never +failed to produce his supplement upon the occasion: “It is strange,” + said he, “that the country, which is little better than a gallows or +a grave for young people, is allotted in this land only for the +unfortunate, and not for the guilty! poor Lady Chesterfield, for some +unguarded looks, is immediately seized upon by an angry husband, who +will oblige her to spend her Christmas at a country-house, a hundred and +fifty miles from London; while here there are a thousand ladies who +are left at liberty to do whatever they please, and who indulge in that +liberty, and whose conduct, in short, deserves a daily bastinado. I name +no person, God forbid I should; but Lady Middleton, Lady Denham, the +queen’s and the duchess’s maids of honour, and a hundred others, bestow +their favours to the right and to the left, and not the least notice is +taken of their conduct. As for Lady Shrewsbury, she is conspicuous. I +would take a wager she might have a man killed for her every day, find +she would only hold her head the higher for it: one would suppose she +imported from Rome plenary indulgences for her conduct: there are three +or four gentlemen who wear an ounce of her hair made into bracelets, and +no person finds any fault; and yet shall such a cross-grained fool as +Chesterfield be permitted to exercise an act of tyranny, altogether +unknown in this country, upon the prettiest woman in England, and all +for a mere trifle: but I am his humble servant; his precautions will +avail him nothing; on the contrary, very often a woman, who had no bad +intentions when she was suffered to remain in tranquillity, is prompted +to such conduct by revenge, or reduced to it by necessity: this is +as true as the gospel: hear now what Francisco’s saraband says on the +subject: + + “Tell me, jealous-paced swain, + What avail thy idle arts, + To divide united hearts? + Love, like the wind, I trow, + Will, where it listeth, blow; + So, prithee, peace, for all thy cares are vain. + + “When you are by, + Nor wishful look, be sure, nor eloquent sigh, + Shall dare those inward fires discover, + Which burn in either lover + Yet Argus’ self, if Argus were thy spy, + Should ne’er, with all his mob of eyes, + Surprise. + + “Some joys forbidden, + Transports hidden, + Which love, through dark and secret ways, + Mysterious love, to kindred souls conveys.” + +The Chevalier de Grammont passed for the author of this sonnet: +neither the justness of the sentiment, nor turn of it, are surprisingly +beautiful; but as it contained some truths that flattered the genius +of the nation, and pleased those who interested themselves for the fair +sex, the ladies were all desirous of having it to teach their children. + +During all this time the Duke of York, not being in the way of seeing +Lady Chesterfield, easily forgot her: her absence, however, had some +circumstances attending it which could not but sensibly affect the +person who had occasioned her confinement; but there are certain +fortunate tempers to which every situation is easy; they feel neither +disappointment with bitterness, nor pleasure with acuteness. In the mean +time, as the duke could not remain idle, he had no sooner forgotten Lady +Chesterfield, but he began to think of her whom he had been in love with +before, and was upon the point of relapsing into his old passion for +Miss Hamilton. + +There was in London a celebrated portrait-painter called Lely, who had +greatly improved himself by studying the famous Vandyke’s pictures, +which were dispersed all over England in abundance. Lely imitated +Vandyke’s manner, and approached the nearest to him of all the moderns. +The Duchess of York, being desirous of having the portraits of the +handsomest persons at court, Lely painted them, and employed all his +skill in the performance; nor could he ever exert himself upon more +beautiful subjects. Every picture appeared a master-piece; and that of +Miss Hamilton appeared the highest finished: Lely himself acknowledged +that he had drawn it with a particular pleasure. The Duke of York took +a delight in looking at it, and began again to ogle the original: he had +very little reason to hope for success; and at the same time that his +hopeless passion alarmed the Chevalier de Grammont, Lady Denham thought +proper to renew the negotiation which had so unluckily been interrupted: +it was soon brought to a conclusion; for where both parties are sincere +in a negotiation, no time is lost in cavilling. Everything succeeded +prosperously on one side; yet, I know not what fatality obstructed the +pretensions of the other. The duke was very urgent with the duchess to +put Lady Denham in possession of the place which was the object of her +ambition; but as she was not guarantee for the performance of the +secret articles of the treaty, though till this time she had borne with +patience the inconstancy of the duke, and yielded submissively to +his desires; yet, in the present instance, it appeared hard and +dishonourable to her, to entertain near her person, a rival, who would +expose her to the danger of acting but a second part in the midst of her +own court. However, she saw herself upon the point of being forced to it +by authority, when a far more unfortunate obstacle for ever bereft poor +Lady Denham of the hopes of possessing that fatal place, which she had +solicited with such eagerness. + +Old Denham, naturally jealous, became more and more suspicious, and +found that he had sufficient ground for such conduct: his wife was +young and handsome, he old and disagreeable: what reason then had he to +flatter himself that Heaven would exempt him from the fate of husbands +in the like circumstances? This he was continually saying to himself; +but when compliments were poured in upon him from all sides, upon the +place his lady was going to have near the duchess’s person, he formed +ideas of what was sufficient to have made him hang himself, if he had +possessed the resolution. The traitor chose rather to exercise his +courage against another. He wanted precedents for putting in practice +his resentments in a privileged country: that of Lord Chesterfield was +not sufficiently bitter for the revenge he meditated: besides, he had no +country-house to which he could carry his unfortunate wife. This being +the case, the old villain made her travel a much longer journey without +stirring out of London. Merciless fate robbed her of life, and of her +dearest hopes, in the bloom of youth. + +As no person entertained any doubt of his having poisoned her, the +populace of his neighbourhood had a design of tearing him in pieces, +as soon as he should come abroad; but he shut himself up to bewail her +death, until their fury was appeased by a magnificent funeral, at which +he distributed four times more burnt wine than had ever been drunk at +any burial in England. + + [The lampoons of the day, some of which are to be found in Andrew + Marvell’s Works, more than insinuate that she was deprived of life + by a mixture infused into some chocolate. The slander of the times + imputed her death to the jealousy of the Duchess of York.] + +While the town was in fear of some great disaster, as an expiation for +these fatal effects of jealousy, Hamilton was not altogether so easy +as he flattered himself he should be after the departure of Lady +Chesterfield: he had only consulted the dictates of revenge in what he +had done. His vengeance was satisfied; but such was far from being +the case with his love; and having, since the absence of her he +still admired, notwithstanding his resentments, leisure to make those +reflections which a recent injury will not permit a man to attend +to: “And wherefore,” said he to himself, “was I so eager to make her +miserable, who alone, however culpable she may be, has it in her power +to make me happy? Cursed jealousy!” continued he, “yet more cruel to +those who torment than to those who are tormented! What have I gained by +having blasted the hopes of a more happy rival, since I was not able +to perform this without depriving myself, at the same time, of her upon +whom the whole happiness and comfort of my life was centred.” + +Thus, clearly proving to himself, by a great many reasonings of the +same kind, and all out of season, that in such an engagement it was much +better to partake with another than to have nothing at all, he filled +his mind with a number of vain regrets and unprofitable remorse, when he +received a letter from her who occasioned them, but a letter so exactly +adapted to increase them, that, after he had read it, he looked upon +himself as the greatest scoundrel in the world. Here it follows: + +“You will, no doubt, be as much surprised at this letter as I was at the +unconcerned air with which you beheld my departure. I am led to believe +that you had imagined reasons which, in your own mind, justified such +unseasonable conduct. If you are still under the impression of such +barbarous sentiments it will afford you pleasure to be made acquainted +with what I suffer in the most horrible of prisons. Whatever the country +affords most melancholy in this season presents itself to my view on all +sides: surrounded by impassable roads, out of one window I see nothing +but rocks, out of another nothing but precipices; but wherever I turn +my eyes within doors I meet those of a jealous husband, still more +insupportable than the sad objects that encompass me. I should add to +the misfortunes of my life that of seeming criminal in the eyes of a man +who ought to have justified me, even against convincing appearances, if +by my avowed innocence I had a right to complain or to expostulate: but +how is it possible for me to justify myself at such a distance; and how +can I flatter myself that the description of a most dreadful prison will +not prevent you from believing me? But do you deserve that I should +wish you did? Heavens! how I must hate you, if I did not love you to +distraction. Come, therefore, and let me once again see you, that you +may hear my justification; and I am convinced that if after this visit +you find me guilty it will not be with respect to yourself. Our Argus +sets out to-morrow for Chester, where a law-suit will detain him a week. +I know not whether he will gain it; but I am sure it will be entirely +your fault if he does not lose one, for which he is at least as anxious +as that he is now going after.” + +This letter was sufficient to make a man run blindfold into an adventure +still more rash than that which was proposed to him, and that was rash +enough in all respects: he could not perceive by what means she could +justify herself; but as she assured him he should be satisfied with his +journey, this was all he desired at present. + +There was one of his relations with Lady Chesterfield, who, having +accompanied her in her exile, had gained some share in their mutual +confidence; and it was through her means he received this letter, +with all the necessary instructions about his journey and his arrival. +Secrecy being the soul of such expeditions, especially before an amour +is accomplished, he took post, and set out in the night, animated by the +most tender and flattering wishes, so that, in less than no time almost, +in comparison with the distance and the badness of the roads, he +had travelled a hundred and fifty tedious miles at the last stage +he prudently dismissed the post-boy. It was not yet daylight, and +therefore, for fear of the rocks and precipices mentioned in her letter, +he proceeded with tolerable discretion, considering he was in love. + +By this means he fortunately escaped all the dangerous places, and, +according to his instructions, alighted at a little hut adjoining to the +park wall. The place was not magnificent; but, as he only wanted rest, +it did well enough for that: he did not wish for daylight, and was even +still less desirous of being seen; wherefore, having shut himself up in +this obscure retreat, he fell into a profound sleep, and did not wake +until noon. As he was particularly hungry when he awoke, he ate and +drank heartily: and, as he was the neatest man at court, and was +expected by the neatest lady in England, he spent the remainder of the +day in dressing himself, and in making all those preparations which the +time and place permitted, without deigning once to look around him, or +to ask his landlord a single question. At last the orders he expected +with great impatience were brought him, in the beginning of the evening, +by a servant, who, attending him as a guide, after having led him for +about half an hour in the dirt, through a park of vast extent, brought +him at last into a garden, into which a little door opened: he was +posted exactly opposite to this door, by which, in a short time, he was +to be introduced to a more agreeable situation; and here his conductor +left him. The night advanced, but the door never opened. + +Though the winter was almost over, the cold weather seemed only to be +beginning: he was dirtied up to his knees in mud, and soon perceived +that if he continued much longer in this garden it would all be +frozen. This beginning of a very dark and bitter night would have been +unbearable to any other; but it was nothing to a man who flattered +himself to pass the remainder of it in the height of bliss. However, he +began to wonder at so many precautions in the absence of a husband his +imagination, by a thousand delicious and tender ideas supported him +some time against the torments of impatience and the inclemency of +the weather; but he felt his imagination, notwithstanding, cooling by +degrees; and two hours, which seemed to him as tedious as two whole +ages, having passed, and not the least notice being taken of him, either +from the door or from the window, he began to reason with himself upon +the posture of his affairs, and what was the fittest conduct for him to +pursue in this emergency: “What if I should rap at this cursed door,” + said he; “for if my fate requires that I should perish, it is at least +more honourable to die in the house than to be starved to death in +the garden but then,” continued he, “I may, thereby, perhaps, expose +a person whom some unforeseen accident may, at this very instant, have +reduced to greater perplexity than even I myself am in.” This thought +supplied him with a necessary degree of patience and fortitude against +the enemies he had to contend with; he therefore began to walk quickly +to and fro, with resolution to wait, as long as he could keep alive, the +end of an adventure which had such an uncomfortable beginning. All this +was to no purpose; for though he used every effort to keep himself warm, +and though muffled up in a thick cloak, yet he began to be benumbed in +all his limbs, and the cold gained the ascendancy over all his amorous +vivacity and eagerness. Daybreak was not far off, and judging now +that, though the accursed door should even be opened, it would be to no +purpose, he returned, as well as he could, to the place from whence he +had set out upon this wonderful expedition. + +All the faggots that were in the cottage were hardly able to unfreeze +him: the more he reflected on his adventure, the circumstances attending +it appeared still the more strange and unaccountable; but so far +from accusing the charming countess, he suffered a thousand different +anxieties on her account. Sometimes he imagined that her husband might +have returned unexpectedly; sometimes, that she might suddenly have +been taken ill; in short, that some insuperable obstacle had unluckily +interposed, and prevented his happiness, notwithstanding his mistress’s +kind intentions towards him. “But wherefore,” said he, “did she forget +me in that cursed garden? Is it possible that she could not find a +single moment to make me at least, some sign or other, if she could +neither speak to me nor give me admittance?” He knew not which of these +conjectures to rely upon, or how to answer his own questions; but as he +flattered himself that everything would succeed better the next night, +after having vowed not to set a foot again into that unfortunate garden, +he gave orders to be awakened as soon as any person should inquire for +him: then he laid himself down in one of the worst beds in the world, +and slept as sound as if he had been in the best: he supposed that he +should not be awakened, but either by a letter or a message from Lady +Chesterfield; but he had scarce slept two hours when he was roused by +the sound of the horn and the cry of the hounds. The but which afforded +him a retreat, joining, as we before said, to the park wall, he called +his host, to know what was the occasion of that hunting, which made a +noise as if the whole pack of hounds had been in his bed-chamber. He was +told that it was my lord hunting a hare in his park. “What lord?” said +he, in great surprise. “The Earl of Chesterfield,” replied the pea sant. +He was so astonished at this that at first he hid his head under the +bed-clothes, under the idea that he already saw him entering with all +his bounds; but as soon as he had a little recovered himself he began +to curse capricious fortune, no longer doubting but this jealous fool’s +return had occasioned all his tribulations in the preceding night. + +It was not possible for him to sleep again, after such an alarm; he +therefore got up, that he might revolve in his mind all the stratagems +that are usually employed either to deceive, or to remove out of the +way, a jealous scoundrel of a husband, who thought fit to neglect his +law-suit in order to plague his wife. He had just finished dressing +himself, and was beginning to question his landlord, when the same +servant who had conducted him to the garden delivered him a letter, and +disappeared, without waiting for an answer. This letter was from his +relation, and was to this effect: + +“I am extremely sorry that I have innocently been accessary to bringing +you to a place, to which you were only invited to be laughed at: I +opposed this journey at first, though I was then persuaded it was wholly +suggested by her tenderness; but she has now undeceived me: she triumphs +in the trick she has played you: her husband has not stirred from hence, +but stays at home, out of complaisance to her: he treats her in the most +affectionate manner; and it was upon their reconciliation that she found +out that you had advised him to carry her into the country. She has +conceived such hatred and aversion against you for it, that I find, from +her discourse, she has not yet wholly satisfied her resentment. Console +yourself for the hatred of a person, whose heart never merited your +tenderness. Return: a longer stay in this place will but draw upon you +some fresh misfortune: for my part, I shall soon leave her: I know her, +and I thank God for it. I do not repent having pitied her at first; but +I am disgusted with an employment which but ill agrees with my way of +thinking.” + +Upon reading this letter, astonishment, shame, hatred, and rage, seized +at once upon his heart: then menaces, invectives, and the desire of +vengeance, broke forth by turns, and excited his passion and resentment; +but, after he deliberately considered the matter, he resolved that it +was now the best way quietly to mount his horse, and to carry back +with him to London a severe cold, instead of the soft wishes and tender +desires he had brought from thence. He quitted this perfidious place +with much greater expedition than he had arrived at it, though his +mind was far from being occupied with such tender and agreeable ideas: +however, when he thought himself at a sufficient distance to be out of +danger of meeting Lord Chesterfield and his hounds, he chose to look +back, that he might at least have the satisfaction of seeing the prison +where this wicked enchantress was confined; but what was his surprise, +when he saw a very fine house, situated on the banks of a river, in +the most delightful and pleasant country imaginable. Neither rock nor +precipice was here to be seen; for, in reality, they were only in +the letter of his perfidious mistress. This furnished fresh cause for +resentment and confusion to a man who thought himself so well acquainted +with all the wiles, as well as weaknesses, of the fair sex; and who now +found himself the dupe of a coquette, who was reconciled to her husband +in order to be revenged on her lover. + +At last he reached London, well furnished with arguments to maintain +that a man must be extremely weak to trust to the tenderness of a woman +who has once deceived him, but that he must be a complete fool to run +after her. + +This adventure not being much to his credit, he suppressed, as much as +possible, both the journey and the circumstances attending it; but, as +we may easily suppose, Lady Chesterfield made no secret of it, the king +came to the knowledge of it; and, having complimented Hamilton upon it, +desired to be informed of all the particulars of the expedition. The +Chevalier de Grammont happened to be present at this recital; and, +having gently inveighed against the treacherous manner in which he had +been used, said: “If she is to be blamed for carrying the jest so +far, you are no less to be blamed for coming back so suddenly, like an +ignorant novice. I dare lay an hundred guineas, she has more than once +repented of a resentment which you pretty well deserved for the trick +you had played her: women love revenge; but their resentments seldom +last long; and if you had remained in the neighbourhood till the next +day, I will be hanged if she would not have given you satisfaction for +the first night’s sufferings.” Hamilton being of a different opinion, +the Chevalier de Grammont resolved to maintain his assertion by a case +in point; and, addressing himself to the king: “Sir,” said he, “your +majesty, I suppose, must have known Marion de l’Orme, the most charming +creature in all France: though she was as witty as an angel, she was as +capricious as a devil. This beauty having made me an appointment, a whim +seized her to put me off, and to give it to another; she therefore wrote +me one of the tenderest billets in the world, full of the grief and +sorrow she was in, by being obliged to disappoint me; on account of a +most terrible headache, that obliged her to keep her bed, and deprived +her of the pleasure of seeing me till the next day. This headache coming +all of a sudden, appeared to me very suspicious; and, never doubting but +it was her intention to jilt me: ‘Very well, mistress coquette,’ said I +to myself, ‘if you do not enjoy the pleasure of seeing me this day, you +shall not enjoy the satisfaction of seeing another.’ + +“Hereupon, I detached all my servants, some of whom patrolled about +her house, whilst others watched her door; one of the latter brought me +intelligence that no person had gone into her house all the afternoon; +but that a foot-boy had gone out as it grew dark; that he followed him +as far as the Rue Saint Antoine, where this boy met another, to whom +he only spoke two or three words. This was sufficient to confirm my +suspicions, and make me resolve either to make one of the party, or to +disconcert it. + + [Marion de l’Orme, born at Chalons, in Champagne, was esteemed the + most beautiful woman of her times. It is believed that she was + secretly married to the unfortunate Monsieur Cinqmars. After his + death, she became the mistress of Cardinal Richelieu, and, at last, + of Monsieur d’Emery, superintendent of the finances.] + +“As the bagnio where I lodged was at a great distance from the Marais, +as soon as the night set in I mounted my horse, without any attendant. +When I came to the Place-Royale, the servant, who was sentry there, +assured me that no person was yet gone into Mademoiselle de l’Orme’s +house: I rode forward towards the Rue Saint Antoine; and, just as I was +going out of the Place-Royale, I saw a man on foot coming into it, who +avoided me as much as he possibly could; but his endeavour was all to no +purpose; I knew him to be the Duke de Brissac, and I no longer doubted +but he was my rival that night: I then approached towards him, seeming +as if I feared I mistook my man; and, alighting with a very busy air +‘Brissac, my friend,’ said I, ‘you must do me a service of the very +greatest importance: I have an appointment, for the first time, with +a girl who lives very near this place; and, as this visit is only +to concert measures, I shall make but a very short stay: be so kind, +therefore, as to lend me your cloak, and walk my horse about a little, +until I return; but, above all, do not go far from this place: you see +that I use you freely like a friend; but you know it is upon condition +that you may take the same liberty with me.’ I took his cloak, without +waiting for his answer, and he took my horse by the bridle, and followed +me with his eye; but he gained no intelligence by this; for, after +having pretended to go into a house opposite to him, I slipped under the +piazzas to Mademoiselle de l’Orme’s, where the door was opened as soon +as I knocked. I was so much muffled up in Brissac’s cloak that I was +taken for him: the door was immediately shut, not the least question +asked me; and having none to ask myself I went straight to the lady’s +chamber. I found her upon a couch in the most agreeable and genteelest +deshabille imaginable: she never in her life looked so handsome, nor was +so greatly surprised; and, seeing her speechless and confounded: ‘What +is the matter, my fair one?’ said I, ‘methinks this is a headache very +elegantly set off; but your headache, to all appearance, is now gone?’ +‘Not in the least,’ said she, ‘I can scarce support it, and you will +oblige me in going away that I may go to bed.’ ‘As for your going to +bed, to that I have not the least objection,’ said I, ‘but as for +my going away, that cannot be, my little princess: the Chevalier de +Grammont is no fool; a woman does not dress herself with so much care +for nothing.’ ‘You will find, however,’ said she, ‘that it is for +nothing; for you may depend upon it that you shall be no gainer by it.’ +‘What!’ said I, ‘after having made me an appointment!’ ‘Well,’ replied +she hastily, ‘though I had made you fifty, it still depends upon me, +whether I chose to keep them or not, and you must submit if I do +not.’ ‘This might do very well,’ said I, ‘if it was not to give it to +another.’ Mademoiselle de l’Orme, as haughty as a woman of the greatest +virtue, and as passionate as one who has the least, was irritated at a +suspicion which gave her more concern than confusion; and seeing that +she was beginning to put herself in a passion: ‘Madam,’ said I, ‘pray do +not talk in so high a strain; I know what perplexes you: you are afraid +lest Brissac should meet me here; but you may make yourself easy on that +account: I met him not far from this place, and God knows that I have so +managed the affair as to prevent his visiting you soon.’ Having spoken +these words in a tone somewhat tragical, she appeared concerned at +first, and, looking upon me with surprise: ‘What do you mean about the +Duke de Brissac?’ said she. ‘I mean,’ replied I, ‘that he is at the end +of the street, walking my horse about; but, if you will not believe me, +send one of your own servants thither, or look at his cloak which I left +in your ante-chamber.’ Upon this she burst into a fit of laughter, in +the midst of her astonishment, and, throwing her arms around my neck, +‘My dear Chevalier,’ said she, ‘I can hold out no longer; you are too +amiable and too eccentric not to be pardoned.’ I then told her the +whole story: she was ready to die with laughing; and, parting very good +friends, she assured me my rival might exercise horses as long as he +pleased, but that he should not set his foot within her doors that +night. + +“I found the duke exactly in the place where I had left him: I asked him +a thousand pardons for having made him wait so long, and thanked him +a thousand times for his complaisance. He told me I jested, that such +compliments were unusual among friends; and to convince me that he had +cordially rendered me this piece of service, he would, by all means, +hold my horse while I was mounting. I returned him his cloak, bade him +good night, and went back to my lodgings, equally satisfied with my +mistress and my rival. This,” continued he, “proves that a little +patience and address are sufficient to disarm the anger of the fair, to +turn even their tricks to a man’s advantage.” + +It was in vain that the Chevalier de Grammont diverted the court with +his stories, instructed by his example, and never appeared there but +to inspire universal joy; for a long time he was the only foreigner in +fashion. Fortune, jealous of the justice which is done to merit, and +desirous of seeing all human happiness depend on her caprice, raised +up against him two competitors for the pleasure he had long enjoyed of +entertaining the English court; and these competitors were so much the +more dangerous, as the reputation of their several merits had preceded +their arrival, in order to dispose the suffrages of the court in their +favour. + +They came to display, in their own persons, whatever was the most +accomplished either among the men of the sword, or of the gown. The one +was the Marquis de Flamarens, the sad object of the sad elegies of the +Countess de la Suse, the other was the president Tambonneau, the most +humble and most obedient servant and admirer of the beauteous Luynes. As +they arrived together, they exerted every endeavour to shine in concert: +their talents were as different as their persons; Tambonneau, who was +tolerably ugly, founded his hopes upon a great store of wit, which, +however, no person in England could find out; and Flamarens, by his air +and mien, courted admiration, which was flatly denied him. + +They had agreed mutually to assist each other, in order to succeed in +their intentions; and therefore, in their first visits, the one appeared +in state, and the other was the spokesman. But they found the ladies in +England of a far different taste from those who had rendered them famous +in France: the rhetoric of the one had no effect on the fair sex, and +the fine mien of the other distinguished him only in a minuet, which +he first introduced into England, and which he danced with tolerable +success. The English court had been too long accustomed to the solid wit +of Saint Evremond, and the natural and singular charms of his hero, to +be seduced by appearances; however, as the English have, in general, a +sort of predilection in favour of anything that has the appearance of +bravery, Flamarens was better received on account of a duel, which, +obliging him to leave his own country, was a recommendation to him in +England. + +Miss Hamilton had, at first, the honour of being distinguished by +Tambonneau, who thought she possessed a sufficient share of wit to +discover the delicacy of his; and, being delighted to find that nothing +was lost in her conversation, either as to the turn, the expression, or +beauty of the thought, he frequently did her the favour to converse with +her; and, perhaps, he would never have found out that he was tiresome, +if, contenting himself with the display of his eloquence, he had not +thought proper to attack her heart. This was carrying the matter a +little too far for Miss Hamilton’s complaisance, who was of opinion that +she had already shown him too much for the tropes of his harangues: +he was therefore desired to try somewhere else the experiment of his +seducing tongue, and not to lose the merit of his former constancy by an +infidelity which would be of no advantage to him. + +He followed this advice like a wise and tractable man; and some time +after, returning to his old mistress in France, he began to lay in a +store of politics for those important negotiations in which he has since +been employed. + +It was not till after his departure that the Chevalier de Grammont heard +of the amorous declaration he had made: this was a confidence of no +great importance; it, however, saved Tambonneau from some ridicule +which might have fallen to his share before he went away. His colleague, +Flamarens, deprived of his support, soon perceived that he was not +likely to meet in England with the success he had expected, both from +love and fortune: but Lord Falmouth, ever attentive to the glory of his +master, in the relief of illustrious men in distress, provided for his +subsistence, and Lady Southesk for his pleasures: he obtained a pension +from the king, and from her everything he desired; and most happy was it +for him that she had no other present to bestow but that of her heart. + +It was at this time that Talbot, whom we have before mentioned, and +who was afterwards created Duke of Tyrconnel, fell in love with Miss +Hamilton. There was not a more genteel man at court: he was indeed but +a younger brother, though of a very ancient family, which, however, was +not very considerable either for its renown or its riches; and though he +was naturally of a careless disposition, yet, being intent upon making +his fortune, and much in favour with the Duke of York, and fortune +likewise favouring him at play, he had improved both so well that he was +in possession of about forty thousand pounds a year in land. He offered +himself to Miss Hamilton, with this fortune, together with the almost +certain hopes of being made a peer of the realm, by his master’s credit; +and, over-and-above all, as many sacrifices as she could desire of Lady +Shrewsbury’s letters, pictures, and hair; curiosities which, indeed, +are reckoned for nothing in housekeeping, but which testify strongly in +favour of the sincerity and merit of a lover. + +Such a rival was not to be despised; and the Chevalier de Grammont +thought him the more dangerous, as he perceived that Talbot was +desperately in love; that he was not a man to be discouraged by a first +repulse; that he had too much sense and good breeding to draw upon +himself either contempt or coldness by too great eagerness; and, besides +this, his brothers began to frequent the house. One of these brothers +was almoner to the queen, an intriguing Jesuit, and a great match-maker: +the other was what was called a lay-monk, who had nothing of his order +but the immorality and infamy of character which is ascribed to them; +and withal, frank and free, and sometimes entertaining, but ever ready +to speak bold and offensive truths, and to do good offices. + +When the Chevalier de Grammont reflected upon all these things, there +certainly was strong ground for uneasiness: nor was the indifference +which Miss Hamilton showed for the addresses of his rival sufficient to +remove his fears; for being absolutely dependent on her father’s will, +she could only answer for her own intentions: but Fortune, who seemed to +have taken him under her protection in England, now delivered him from +all his uneasiness. + +Talbot had for many years stood forward as the patron of the distressed +Irish: this zeal for his countrymen was certainly very commendable +in itself; at the same time, however, it was not altogether free from +self-interest: for, out of all the estates he had, through his credit, +procured the restoration of to their primitive owners, he had always +obtained some small compensation for himself; but, as each owner found +his advantage in it, no complaint was made. Nevertheless, as it is very +difficult to use fortune and favour with moderation, and not to swell +with the gales of prosperity, some of his proceedings had an air of +haughtiness and independence, which offended the Duke of Ormond, then +Lord Lieutenant of Ireland, as injurious to his Grace’s authority. The +Duke resented this behaviour with great spirit. As there certainly was +a great difference between them, both as to their birth and rank, and +to their credit, it had been prudent in Talbot to have had recourse to +apologies and submission; but such conduct appeared to him base, and +unworthy for a man of his importance to submit to: he accordingly acted +with haughtiness and insolence; but he was soon convinced of his error; +for, having inconsiderately launched out into some arrogant expressions, +which it neither became him to utter nor the Duke of Ormond to forgive, +he was sent prisoner to the Tower, from whence he could not be released +until he had made all necessary submissions to his Grace: he therefore +employed all his friends for that purpose, and was obliged to yield more +to get out of this scrape than would have been necessary to have avoided +it. By this imprudent conduct he lost all hopes of marrying into a +family, which, after such a proceeding, was not likely to listen to any +proposal from him. + + [A very exact account of this transaction is given by Lord + Clarendon, by which it appears, that Talbot was committed to the + Tower for threatening to assassinate the Duke of Ormond. + --Continuation of Clarendon, p. 362.] + +It was with great difficulty and mortification that he was obliged to +suppress a passion which had made far greater progress in his heart than +this quarrel had done good to his affairs. This being the case, he was +of opinion that his presence was necessary in Ireland, and that he was +better out of the way of Miss Hamilton, to remove those impressions +which still troubled his repose: his departure, therefore, soon followed +this resolution. + +Talbot played deep, and was tolerably forgetful: the Chevalier de +Grammont won three or four hundred guineas of him the very evening on +which he was sent to the Tower. That accident had made him forget +his usual punctuality in paying the next morning whatever he had lost +over-night; and this debt had so far escaped his memory, that it never +once occurred to him after he was enlarged. The Chevalier de Grammont, +who saw him at his departure, without taking the least notice of the +money he owed him, wished him a good journey; and, having met him at +court, as he came to take his leave of the king: “Talbot,” said he, “if +my services can be of any use to you during your absence, you have +but to command them: you know old Russell has left his nephew as his +resident with Miss Hamilton: if you please, I will act for you in the +same capacity. Adieu, God bless you: be sure not to fall sick upon the +road; but if you should, pray remember me in your will.” Talbot, who, +upon this compliment, immediately recollected the money he owed the +Chevalier, burst out a-laughing, and embracing him: “My dear Chevalier,” + said he, “I am so much obliged to you for your offer, that I resign you +my mistress, and will send you your money instantly.” The Chevalier de +Grammont possessed a thousand of these genteel ways of refreshing +the memories of those persons who were apt to be forgetful in their +payments. The following is the method he used some years after with +Lord Cornwallis: this lord had married the daughter of Sir Stephen +Fox,--treasurer of the king’s household, one of the richest and most +regular men in England. His son-in-law, on the contrary, was a young +spendthrift, was very extravagant, loved gaming, lost as much as any one +would trust him, but was not quite so ready at paying. His father-in-law +disapproved of his conduct, paid his debts, and gave him a lecture at +the same time. The Chevalier de Grammont had won of him a thousand or +twelve hundred guineas, which he heard no tidings of, although he was +upon the eve of his departure, and he had taken leave of Cornwallis in a +more particular manner than any other person. This obliged the Chevalier +to write him a billet, which was rather laconic. It was this: + + “MY LORD, + + “Pray remember the Count de Grammont, and do not forget Sir Stephen + Fox.” + +To return to Talbot: he went away more concerned than became a man who +had voluntarily resigned his mistress to another: neither his stay in +Ireland, nor his solicitude about his domestic affairs, perfectly +cured him; and if at his return he found himself disengaged from +Miss Hamilton’s chains, it was only to exchange them for others. The +alteration that had taken place in the two courts occasioned this change +in him, as we shall see in the sequel. + +We have hitherto only mentioned the queen’s maids of honour, upon +account of Miss Stewart and Miss Warmestre the others were Miss +Bellenden, Mademoiselle de la Garde and Mademoiselle Bardou, all maids +of honour, as it pleased God. + +Miss Bellenden was no beauty, but was a good-natured girl, whose chief +merit consisted in being plump and fresh-coloured; and who, not having +a sufficient stock of wit to be a coquette in form, used all her +endeavours to please every person by her complaisance. Mademoiselle de +la Garde, and Mademoiselle Bardou, both French, had been preferred to +their places by the queen dowager: the first was a little brunette, who +was continually meddling in the affairs of her companions; and the +other by all means claimed the rank of a maid of honour, though she only +lodged with the others, and both her title and services were constantly +contested. + +It was hardly possible for a woman to be more ugly, with so fine a +shape; but as a recompense, her ugliness was set off with every art. The +use she was put to, was to dance with Flamarens, and sometimes, towards +the conclusion of a ball, possessed of castanets and effrontery, she +would dance some figured saraband or other, which amused the court. Let +us now see in what manner this ended. + +As Miss Stewart was very seldom in waiting on the queen, she was +scarcely considered as a maid of honour: the others went off almost at +the same time, by different adventures; and this is the history of Miss +Warmestre, whom we have before mentioned, when speaking of the Chevalier +de Grammont. + +Lord Taaffe, eldest son of the Earl of Carlingford, was supposed to be +in love with her; and Miss Warmestre not only imagined it was so, but +likewise persuaded herself that he would not fail to marry her the first +opportunity; and in the mean time she thought it her duty to entertain +him with all the civility imaginable. Taaffe had made the Duke of +Richmond his confidant: these two were particularly attached to each +other; but still more so to wine. The Duke of Richmond, notwithstanding +his birth, made but an indifferent figure at court; and the king +respected him still less than his courtiers did: and perhaps it was in +order to court his majesty’s favour that he thought proper to fall in +love with Miss Stewart. The Duke and Lord Taaffe made each other the +confidants of their respective engagements; and these were the measures +they took to put their designs in execution. Little Mademoiselle de la +Gardet was charged to acquaint Miss Stewart that the Duke of Richmond +was dying of love for her, and that when he ogled her in public it was +a certain sign that he was ready to marry her, as soon as ever she would +consent. + +Taaffe had no commission to give the little ambassadress for Miss +Warmestre; for there everything was already arranged; but she was +charged to settle and provide some conveniences which were still wanting +for the freedom of their commerce, such as to have free egress and +regress to her at all hours of the day or night: this appeared difficult +to be obtained, but it was, however, at length accomplished. + +The governess of the maids of honour, who for the world would not have +connived at anything that was not fair and honourable, consented that +they should sup as often as they pleased in Miss Warmestre’s apartments, +provided their intentions were honourable, and she one of the company. +The good old lady was particularly fond of green oysters, and had no +aversion to Spanish wine: she was certain of finding at every one of +these suppers two barrels of oysters; one to be eaten with the party, +and the other for her to carry away: as soon, therefore, as she had +taken her dose of wine, she took her leave of the company. + +It was much about the time that the Chevalier de Grammont had cast his +eyes upon Miss Warmestre, that this kind of life was led in her chamber. +God knows how many ham pies, bottles of wine, and other products of his +lordship’s liberality were there consumed! + +In the midst of these nocturnal festivals, and of this innocent +commerce, a relation of Killegrew’s came up to London about a lawsuit: +he gained his cause, but nearly lost his senses. + +He was a country gentleman, who had been a widower about six months, +and was possessed of fifteen or sixteen thousand pounds a-year: the good +man, who had no business at court, went thither merely to see his cousin +Killegrew, who could have dispensed with his visits. He there saw +Miss Warmestre; and at first sight fell in love with her. His passion +increased to such a degree that, having no rest either by day or night, +he was obliged to have recourse to extraordinary remedies; he therefore +early one morning called upon his cousin Killegrew, told him his case, +and desired him to demand Miss Warmestre in marriage for him. + +Killegrew was struck with wonder and astonishment when he heard his +design: nor could he cease wondering at what sort of creature, of all +the women in London, his cousin had resolved upon marrying. It was some +time before Killegrew could believe that he was in earnest; but when +he was convinced that he was, he began to enumerate the dangers and +inconveniences attending so rash an enterprise. He told him that a girl +educated at court, was a terrible piece of furniture for the country; +that to carry her thither against her inclination, would as effectually +rob him of his happiness and repose, as if he was transported to hell; +that if he consented to let her stay, he needed only to compute what +it would cost him in equipage, table, clothes, and gaming-money, to +maintain her in London according to her caprices; and then to cast up +how long his fifteen thousand a-year would last. + +His cousin had already formed this computation; but, finding his reason +less potent than his love, he remained fixed in his resolution; and +Killegrew, yielding at length to his importunities, went and offered +his cousin, bound hand and foot, to the victorious fair. As he dreaded +nothing more than a compliance on her part, so nothing could astonish +him more than the contempt with which she received his proposal. The +scorn with which she refused him, made him believe that she was sure of +Lord Taaffe, and wonder how a girl like her could find out two men who +would venture to marry her. He hastened to relate this refusal, with all +the most aggravating circumstances, as the best news he could carry +to his cousin; but his cousin would not believe him: he supposed that +Killegrew disguised the truth, for the same reasons he had already +alleged; and not daring to mention the matter any more to him, he +resolved to wait upon her himself. He summoned all his courage for +the enterprise, and got his compliment by heart; but as soon as he +had opened his mouth for the purpose, she told him he might have saved +himself the trouble of calling on her about such a ridiculous affair; +that she had already given her answer to Killegrew; and that she +neither had, nor ever should have, any other to give; which words she +accompanied with all the severity with which importunate demands are +usually refused. + +He was more affected than confounded at this repulse: everything became +odious to him in London, and he himself more so than all the rest: he +therefore left town, without taking leave of his cousin, went back to +his country seat, and thinking it would be impossible for him to live +without the inhuman fair, he resolved to neglect no opportunity in his +power to hasten his death. + +But whilst, in order to indulge his sorrow, he had forsaken all +intercourse with dogs and horses; that is to say, renounced all the +delights and endearments of a country squire, the scornful nymph, who +was certainly mistaken in her reckoning, took the liberty of being +brought to-bed in the face of the whole court. + +An adventure so public made no small noise, as we may very well +imagine: all the prudes at court at once broke loose upon it; and those +principally, whose age or persons secured them from any such scandal, +were the most inveterate, and cried most loudly for justice. But the +governess of the maids of honour, who might have been called to an +account for it, affirmed that it was nothing at all, and that she was +possessed of circumstances which would at once silence all censorious +tongues. She had an audience of the queen, in order to unfold the +mystery; and related to her majesty how everything had passed with her +consent, that is to say, upon honourable terms. + +The queen sent to inquire of Lord Taaffe, whether he acknowledged Miss +Warmestre for his wife: to which he most respectfully returned for +answer, that he neither acknowledged Miss Warmestre nor her child, +and that he wondered why she should rather father it upon him than any +other. The unfortunate Warmestre, more enraged at this answer than at +the loss of such a lover, quitted the court as soon as ever she was +able, with a resolution of quitting the world the first opportunity. + +Killegrew, being upon the point of setting out upon a journey, when this +adventure happened, thought he might as well call upon his afflicted +cousin in his way, to acquaint him with the circumstance; and as soon as +he saw him, without paying any attention to the delicacy of his love, +or to his feelings, he bluntly told him the whole story: nor did he omit +any colouring that could heighten his indignation, in order to make him +burst with shame and resentment. + +We read that the gentle Tiridates quietly expired upon the recital of +the death of Mariamne; but Killegrew’s fond cousin falling devoutly +upon his knees, and lifting up his eyes to Heaven, poured forth this +exclamation: + +“Praised be the Lord for a small misfortune, which perhaps may prove +the comfort of my life! Who knows but the beauteous Warmestre will now +accept of me for a husband; and that I may have the happiness of passing +the remainder of my days with a woman I adore, and by whom I may expect +to have heirs?” “Certainly,” said Killegrew, more confounded than his +cousin ought to have been on such an occasion, “you may depend upon +having both: I make no manner of doubt but she will marry you as soon +as ever she is recovered from her lying-in; and it would be a great +ill-nature in her, who already knows the way, to let you want children: +however, in the meantime I advise you to take that she has already, till +you get more.” + +Notwithstanding this raillery, all that was said did take place. This +faithful lover courted her, as if she had been the chaste Lucretia, or +the beauteous Helen: his passion even increased after marriage, and +the generous fair, first out of gratitude, and afterwards through +inclination, never brought him a child of which he was not the father; +and though there have been many a happy couple in England, this +certainly was the happiest. + +Some time after, Miss Bellenden, not being terrified by this example, +had the prudence to quit the court before she was obliged so to do: the +disagreeable Bardou followed her soon after; but for different reasons. +Every person was at last completely tired of her saraband, as well as of +her face; and the king, that he might see neither of them any more, gave +each a small pension for her subsistence. There now only remained little +Mademoiselle de la Garde to be provided for neither her virtues nor +her vices were sufficiently conspicuous to occasion her being either +dismissed from court, or pressed to remain there: God knows what would +have become of her, if a Mr. Silvius, a man who had nothing of a Roman +in him except the name, had not taken the poor girl to be his wife. We +have now shown how all these damsels deserved to be expelled, either for +their irregularities, or for their ugliness; and yet, those who replaced +them found means to make them regretted, Miss Wells only excepted. + +She was a tall girl, exquisitely shaped: she dressed very genteel, +walked like a goddess; and yet, her face, though made like those that +generally please the most, was unfortunately one of those that pleased +the least: nature had spread over it a certain careless indolence that +made her look sheepish. This gave but a bad opinion of her wit: and +her wit had the ill-luck to make good that opinion: however, as she +was fresh coloured, and appeared inexperienced, the king, whom the fair +Stewart did not render over nice as to the perfections of the mind, +resolved to try whether the senses would not fare better with Miss +Wells’s person than fine sentiments with her understanding: nor was this +experiment attended with much difficulty: she was of a loyal family; and +her father having faithfully served Charles the First, she thought it +her duty not to revolt against Charles the Second. But this connection +was not attended with very advantageous circumstances for herself; +some pretended that she did not hold out long enough, and that she +surrendered at discretion before she was vigorously attacked; and others +said, that his majesty complained of certain other facilities still +less pleasing. The Duke of Buckingham made a couplet upon this occasion, +wherein the king, speaking to Progers, the confidant of his intrigues, +puns upon the name of the fair one, to the following purport: + + When the king felt the horrible depth of this Well, + “Tell me, Progers,” cried Charlie, “where am I? oh tell! + Had I sought the world’s centre to find, I had found it, + But this Well! ne’er a plummet was made that could sound it.” + + [Edward Progers, Esq., was a younger son of Philip Progers, Esq., of + the family of Garreddin, in Monmouthshire. His father was a colonel + in the army, and equerry to James I. Edward was early introduced to + court, and, after having been page to Charles I., was made groom of + the bed-chamber to his son, while Prince of Wales. He attached + himself to the king’s interest during the war with the parliament, + with laudable fidelity. The following letter, from which + antiquaries may derive the minute information that Charles II. did + wear mourning for a whole year for his father, serves to shew the + familiar style which Charles used to Progers, as well as his + straitened circumstances while in the island of Jersey. + + “Progers, I wold have you (besides the embroidred sute) bring me a + plaine riding suite, with an innocent coate, the suites I haue for + horsebacke being so spotted and spoiled that they are not to be + seene out of this island. The lining of the coate, and the petit + toies are referred to your greate discretion, provided there want + nothing when it comes to be put on. I doe not remember there was a + belt, or a hat-band, in your directions for the embroidred suite, + and those are so necessarie as you must not forget them. + + “Jearsey, 14th Jan. old stile, 1649. + CHARLES R.”] + +Miss Wells, notwithstanding this species of anagram upon her name, +and these remarks upon her person, shone the brightest among her new +companions. These were Miss Levingston, Miss Fielding, and Miss Boynton, +who little deserve to be mentioned in these memoirs; therefore we shall +leave them in obscurity until it please fortune to draw them out of it. + +This was the new establishment of maids of honour to the queen. The +Duchess of York, nearly about the same time, likewise recruited hers; +but showed, by a happier and more brilliant choice, that England +possessed an inexhaustible stock of beauties. But before we begin to +speak of them, let us see who were the first maids of honour to her +royal highness, and on what account they were removed. + +Besides Miss Blague and Miss Price, whom we have before mentioned, the +establishment was composed of Miss Bagot and Miss Hobart, the president +of the community. Miss Blague, who never knew the true reason of her +quarrel with the Marquis de Brisacier, took it up upon that fatal letter +she had received from him, wherein, without acquainting her that Miss +Price was to wear the same sort of gloves and yellow riband as herself, +he had only complimented her upon her hair, her fair complexion, and +her eyes marcassins. This word she imagined must signify something +particularly wonderful, since her eyes were compared to it; and +being desirous, some time afterwards, to know all the energy of the +expression, she asked the meaning of the French word marcassin. As there +are no wild boars in England, those to whom she addressed herself, told +her that it signified a young pig. This scandalous simile confirmed her +in the belief she entertained of his perfidy. Brisacier, more amazed at +her change, than she was offended at his supposed calumny, looked upon +her as a woman still more capricious than insignificant, and never +troubled himself more about her; but Sir Yarborough, of as fair a +complexion as herself, made her an offer of marriage in the height of +her resentment, and was accepted: chance made up this match, I suppose, +as an experiment to try what such a white-haired union would produce. + +Miss Price was witty; and as her person was not very likely to attract +many admirers, which, however, she was resolved to have, she was far +from being coy when an occasion offered: she did not so much as make +any terms: she was violent in her resentments, as well as in her +attachments, which had exposed her to some inconveniences; and she +had very indiscreetly quarrelled with a young girl whom Lord Rochester +admired. This connection, which till then had been a secret, she had the +imprudence to publish to the whole world, and thereby drew upon herself +the most dangerous enemy in the universe: never did any man write with +more ease, humour, spirit, and delicacy; but he was at the same time the +most severe satirist. + +Poor Miss Price, who had thus voluntarily provoked his resentment, was +daily exposed in some new shape: there was every day some new song or +other, the subject of which was her conduct, and the burden her name. +How was it possible for her to bear up against these attacks, in a +court, where every person was eager to obtain the most insignificant +trifle that came from the pen of Lord Rochester? The loss of her lover, +and the discovery that attended it, was only wanting to complete the +persecution that was raised against her. + +About this time died Dongan, a gentleman of merit, who was succeeded by +Durfort, afterwards Earl of Feversham, in the post of lieutenant of +the duke’s life guards. Miss Price having tenderly loved him, his death +plunged her into a gulf of despair; but the inventory of his effects had +almost deprived her of her senses: there was in it a certain little +box sealed up on all sides: it was addressed in the deceased’s own +handwriting to Miss Price; but instead of receiving it, she had not +even the courage to look upon it. The governess thought it became her in +prudence to receive it, on Miss Price’s refusal, and her duty to deliver +it to the duchess herself, supposing it was filled with many curious and +precious commodities, of which perhaps she might make some advantage. +Though the duchess was not altogether of the same opinion, she had the +curiosity to see what was contained in a box sealed up in a manner +so particularly careful, and therefore caused it to be opened in the +presence of some ladies, who happened then to be in her closet. + +All kinds of love trinkets were found in it; and all these favours, it +appeared, came from the tender-hearted Miss Price. It was difficult +to comprehend how a single person could have furnished so great a +collection; for, besides counting the pictures, there was hair of all +descriptions, wrought into bracelets, lockets, and into a thousand other +different devices, wonderful to see. After these were three or four +packets of letters, of so tender a nature, and so full of raptures and +languors so naturally expressed, that the duchess could not endure the +reading of any more than the two first. + +Her royal highness was sorry that she had caused the box to be opened in +such good company; for being before such witnesses, she rightly judged +it was impossible to stifle this adventure; and, at the same time, there +being no possibility of retaining any longer such a maid of honour, Miss +Price had her valuables restored to her, with orders to go and finish +her lamentations, or to console herself for the loss of her lover, in +some other place. + +Miss Hobart’s character was at that time as uncommon in England, as her +person was singular, in a country where, to be young, and not to be in +some degree handsome, is a reproach; she had a good shape, rather a bold +air, and a great deal of wit, which was well cultivated, without having +much discretion. She was likewise possessed of a great deal of vivacity, +with an irregular fancy: there was a great deal of fire in her eyes, +which, however, produced no effect upon the beholders and she had a +tender heart, whose sensibility some pretended was alone in favour of +the fair sex. + +Miss Bagot was the first that gained her tenderness and affection, which +she returned at first with equal warmth and sincerity; but perceiving +that all her friendship was insufficient to repay that of Miss Hobart, +she yielded the conquest to the governess’s niece, who thought herself +as much honoured by it as her aunt thought herself obliged by the care +she took of the young girl. + +It was not long before the report, whether true or false, of this +singularity, spread through the whole court, where people, being yet so +uncivilized as never to have heard of that kind of refinement in love +of ancient Greece, imagined that the illustrious Hobart, who seemed so +particularly attached to the fair sex, was in reality something more +than she appeared to be. + +Satirical ballads soon began to compliment her upon these new +attributes; and upon the insinuations that were therein made, her +companions began to fear her. The governess, alarmed at these reports, +consulted Lord Rochester upon the danger to which her niece was exposed. +She could not have applied to a fitter person: he immediately advised +her to take her niece out of the hands of Miss Hobart; and contrived +matters so well that she fell into his own. The duchess, who had too +much generosity not to treat as visionary what was imputed to Miss +Hobart, and too much justice to condemn her upon the faith of lampoons, +removed her from the society of the maids of honour, to be an attendant +upon her own person. + +Miss Bagot was the only one who was really possessed of virtue and +beauty among these maids of honour: she had beautiful and regular +features, and that sort of brown complexion, which, when in perfection, +is so particularly fascinating, and more especially in England, where it +is uncommon. There was an involuntary blush almost continually upon her +cheek, without having anything to blush for. Lord Falmouth cast his eyes +upon her: his addresses were better received than those of Miss Hobart, +and some time after Cupid raised her from the post of maid of honour +to the duchess to a rank which might have been envied by all the young +ladies in England. + +The Duchess of York, in order to form her new court, resolved to see all +the young persons that offered themselves, and, without any regard to +recommendations, to choose none but the handsomest. + +At the head of this new assembly appeared Miss Jennings and Miss Temple; +and indeed they so entirely eclipsed the other two, that we shall speak +of them only. + +Miss Jennings, adorned with all the blooming treasures of youth, had the +fairest and brightest complexion that ever was seen: her hair was of +a most beauteous flaxen: there was something particularly lively and +animated in her countenance, which preserved her from that insipidity +which is frequently an attendant on a complexion so extremely fair. +Her mouth was not the smallest, but it was the handsomest mouth in the +world. Nature had endowed her with all those charms which cannot be +expressed, and the graces had given the finishing stroke to them. The +turn of her face was exquisitely fine, and her swelling neck was as +fair and as bright as her face. In a word, her person gave the idea of +Aurora, or the goddess of the spring, “such as youthful poets fancy when +they love.” But as it would have been unjust that a single person should +have engrossed all the treasures of beauty without any defect, there +was something wanting in her hands and arms to render them worthy of the +rest: her nose was not the most elegant, and her eyes gave some relief, +whilst her mouth and her other charms pierced the heart with a thousand +darts. + +With this amiable person she was full of wit and sprightliness, and all +her actions and motions were unaffected and easy: her conversation was +bewitching, when she had a mind to please; piercing and delicate when +disposed to raillery; but as her imagination was subject to flights, +and as she began to speak frequently before she had done thinking, her +expressions did not always convey what she wished; sometimes exceeding, +and at others falling short of her ideas. + +Miss Temple, nearly of the same age, was brown compared with the other: +she had a good shape, fine teeth, languishing, eyes, a fresh complexion, +an agreeable smile, and a lively air. Such was the outward form; but it +would be difficult to describe the rest; for she was simple and vain, +credulous and suspicious, coquettish and prudent, very self-sufficient +and very silly. + +As soon as these new stars appeared at the duchess’s court, all eyes +were fixed upon them, and every one formed some design upon one or other +of them, some with honourable, and others with dishonest intentions. +Miss Jennings soon distinguished herself, and left her companions no +other admirers but such as remained constant from hopes of success: her +brilliant charms attracted at first sight, and the charms of her wit +secured her conquests. + +The Duke of York having persuaded himself that she was part of his +property, resolved to pursue his claim by the same title whereby his +brother had appropriated to himself the favours of Miss Wells; but he +did not find her inclined to enter into his service, though she had +engaged in that of the duchess. She would not pay any attention to the +perpetual ogling with which he at first attacked her. Her eyes were +always wandering on other objects, when those of his royal highness were +looking for them; and if by chance he caught any casual glance, she did +not even blush. This made him resolve to change his manner of attack: +ogling having proved ineffectual, he took an opportunity to speak to +her; and this was still worse. I know not in what strain he told +his case; but it is certain the oratory of the tongue was not more +prevailing than the eloquence of his eyes. + +Miss Jennings had both virtue and pride, and the proposals of the duke +were consistent with neither the one nor the other. Although from +her great vivacity one might suppose that she was not capable of much +reflection, yet she had furnished herself with some very salutary maxims +for the conduct of a young person of her age. The first was, that a +lady ought to be young to enter the court with advantage, and not old +to leave it with a good grace: that she could not maintain herself there +but by a glorious resistance, or by illustrious foibles and that, in +so dangerous a situation, she ought to use her utmost endeavours not to +dispose of her heart until she gave her hand. + +Entertaining such sentiments, she had far less trouble to resist the +duke’s temptations, than to disengage herself from his perseverance: she +was deaf to all treaties for a settlement, with which her ambition was +sounded: and all offers of presents succeeded still worse. What was then +to be done to conquer an extravagant virtue that would not hearken to +reason? He was ashamed to suffer a giddy young girl to escape, whose +inclinations ought in some manner to correspond with the vivacity that +shone forth in all her actions, and who nevertheless thought proper to +be serious when no such thing as seriousness was required of her. + +After he had attentively considered her obstinate behaviour, he thought +that writing might perhaps succeed, though ogling, speeches, and +embassies had failed. Paper receives everything, but it unfortunately +happened that she would not receive the paper. Every day billets, +containing the tenderest expressions, and most magnificent promises, +were slipped into her pockets, or into her muff: this, however, could +not be done unperceived; and the malicious little gipsy took care that +those who saw them slip in, should likewise see them fall out, unperused +and unopened; she only shook her muff, or pulled out her handkerchief; +as soon as ever his back was turned, his billets fell about her like +hail-stones, and whoever pleased might take them up. The duchess was +frequently a witness of this conduct, but could not find in her heart +to chide her for her want of respect to the duke. After this, the charms +and prudence of Miss Jennings were the only subjects of conversation in +the two courts: the courtiers could not comprehend how a young creature, +brought directly from the country to court, should so soon become its +ornament by her attractions, and its example by her conduct. + +The king was of opinion that those who had attacked her had +ill-concerted their measures; for he thought it unnatural that she +should neither be tempted by promises, nor gained by importunity: she, +especially, who in all probability had not imbibed such severe precepts +from the prudence of her mother, who had never tasted any thing more +delicious than the plums and apricots of Saint Albans. Being resolved to +try her himself, he was particularly pleased with the great novelty that +appeared in the turn of her wit, and in the charms of her person; +and curiosity, which at first induced him to make the trial, was soon +changed into a desire of succeeding in the experiment. God knows what +might have been the consequence, for he greatly excelled in wit, and +besides he was king: two qualities of no small consideration. The +resolutions of the fair Jennings were commendable, and very judicious; +but yet she was wonderfully pleased with wit; and royal majesty +prostrate at the feet of a young person, is very persuasive. Miss +Stewart, however, would not consent to the king’s project. + +She immediately took the alarm, and desired his majesty to leave to the +duke, his brother, the care of tutoring the duchess’s maids of honour, +and only to attend to the management of his own flock, unless his +majesty would in return allow her to listen to certain proposals of a +settlement which she did not think disadvantageous. This menace being +of a serious nature, the king obeyed; and Miss Jennings had all the +additional honour which arose from this adventure: it both added to her +reputation, and increased the number of her admirers. Thus she continued +to triumph over the liberties of others without ever losing her own: her +hour was not yet come, but it was not far distant; the particulars +of which we shall relate as soon as we have given some account of the +conduct of her companion. + +Though Miss Temple’s person was particularly engaging, it was +nevertheless eclipsed by that of Miss Jennings; but she was still more +excelled by the other’s superior mental accomplishments. Two persons, +very capable to impart understanding, had the gift been communicable, +undertook at the same time to rob her of the little she really +possessed: these were Lord Rochester and Miss Hobart: the first began to +mislead her by reading to her all his compositions, as if she alone had +been a proper judge of them. He never thought proper to flatter her upon +her personal accomplishments; but told her that if heaven had made +him susceptible of the impressions of beauty, it would not have been +possible for him to have escaped her chains; but not being, thank God, +affected with anything but wit, he had the happiness of enjoying the +most agreeable conversation in the world without running any risk. After +so sincere a confession he either presented to her a copy of verses, or +a new song, in which whoever dared to come in competition in any respect +with Miss Temple was laid prostrate before her charms, most humbly to +solicit pardon: such flattering insinuations so completely turned her +head that it was a pity to see her. + +The duchess took notice of it, and well knowing the extent of both their +geniuses, she saw the precipice into which the poor girl was running +headlong without perceiving it; but as it is no less dangerous to forbid +a connection that is not yet thought of, than it is difficult to put an +end to one that is already well established, Miss Hobart was charged to +take care, with all possible discretion, that these frequent and long +conversations might not be attended with any dangerous consequences: +with pleasure she accepted the commission, and greatly flattered herself +with success. + +She had already made all necessary advances to gain possession of her +confidence and friendship; and Miss Temple, less suspicious of her +than of Lord Rochester, made all imaginable returns. She was greedy of +praise, and loved all manner of sweetmeats, as much as a child of nine +or ten years old: her taste was gratified in both these respects. Miss +Hobart having the superintendence of the duchess’s baths, her apartment +joined them, in which there was a closet stored with all sorts of +sweetmeats and liqueurs: the closet suited Miss Temple’s taste, as +exactly as it gratified Miss Hobart’s inclination, to have something +that could allure her. + +Summer, being now returned, brought back with it the pleasures and +diversions that are its inseparable attendants. One day, when the ladies +had been taking the air on horseback, Miss Temple, on her return from +riding, alighted at Miss Hobart’s, in order to recover her fatigue at +the expense of the sweetmeats, which she knew were there at her service; +but before she began she desired Miss Hobart’s permission to undress +herself, and change her linen in her apartment; which request was +immediately complied with: “I was just going to propose it to you,” + said Miss Hobart, “not but that you are as charming as an angel in your +riding habit; but there is nothing so comfortable as a loose dress, and +being at one’s ease: you cannot imagine, my dear Temple,” continued +she, embracing her, “how much you oblige me by thus free unceremonious +conduct; but, above all, I am enchanted with your particular attention +to cleanliness: how greatly you differ in this, as in many other things, +from that silly creature Jennings! Have you remarked how all our court +fops admire her for her brilliant complexion, which perhaps, after all, +is not wholly her own; and for blunders, which are truly original, and +which they are such fools as to mistake for wit: I have not conversed +with her long enough to perceive in what her wit consists; but of this +I am certain, that if it is not better than her feet, it is no great +matter. What stories have I heard of her sluttishness! No cat ever +dreaded water so much as she does: fie upon her! Never to wash for her +own comfort, and only to attend to those parts which must necessarily be +seen, such as the neck and hands.” + +Miss Temple swallowed all this with even greater pleasure than the +sweetmeats; and the officious Hobart, not to lose time, was helping her +off with her clothes, while the chambermaid was coming. She made some +objections to this at first, being unwilling to occasion that trouble +to a person, who, like Miss Hobart, had been advanced to a place of +dignity; but she was overruled by her, and assured that it was with +the greatest pleasure she showed her that small mark of civility. The +collation being finished, and Miss Temple undressed: “Let us retire,” + said Miss Hobart, “to the bathing closet, where we may enjoy a little +conversation secure from any impertinent visit.” Miss Temple consented, +and both of them sitting down on a couch: “You are too young, my dear +Temple,” said she, “to know the baseness of men in general, and too +short a time acquainted with the court to know the character of its +inhabitants. I will give you a short sketch of the principal persons, to +the best of my knowledge, without injury to any one; for I abominate the +trade of scandal. + +“In the first place, then, you ought to set it down as an undoubted +fact that all courtiers are deficient either in honesty, good sense, +judgment, wit, or sincerity; that is to say, if any of them by chance +possess some one of these qualities, you may depend upon it he is +defective in the rest: sumptuous in their equipages, deep play, a great +opinion of their own merit, and contempt of that of others, are their +chief characteristics. + +“Interest or pleasure are the motives of all their actions: those who +are led by the first would sell God Almighty, as Judas sold his Master, +and that for less money. I could relate you a thousand noble instances +of this, if I had time. As for the sectaries of pleasure, or those who +pretend to be such, for they are not all so bad as they endeavour to +make themselves appear, these gentlemen pay no manner of regard either +to promises, oaths, law, or religion; that is to say, they are literally +no respecters of persons; they care neither for God nor man, if they can +but gain their ends. They look upon maids of honour only as amusements, +placed expressly at court for their entertainment; and the more merit +any one has, the more she is exposed to their impertinence, if she gives +any ear to them; and to their malicious calumnies, when she ceases to +attend to them. As for husbands, this is not the place to find them; for +unless money or caprice make up the match, there is but little hopes +of being married: virtue and beauty in this respect here are equally +useless. Lady Falmouth is the only instance of a maid of honour well +married without a portion; and if you were to ask her poor weak husband +for what reason he married her, I am persuaded that he can assign none, +unless it be her great red ears and broad feet. As for the pale Lady +Yarborough, who appeared so proud of her match, she is wife, to be sure, +of a great country bumpkin, who, the very week after their marriage, bid +her take her farewell of the town for ever, in consequence of five or +six thousand pounds a year he enjoys on the borders of Cornwall. Alas! +poor Miss Blague! I saw her go away about this time twelvemonth, in a +coach with four such lean horses, that I cannot believe she is yet half +way to her miserable little castle. What can be the matter! all the +girls seem afflicted with the rage of wedlock, and however small +their portion of charms may be, they think it only necessary to show +themselves at court in order to pick and choose their men: but was this +in reality the case, the being a wife is the most wretched condition +imaginable for a person of nice sentiments. Believe me, my dear Temple, +the pleasures of matrimony are so inconsiderable in comparison with its +inconveniences, that I cannot imagine how any reasonable creature can +resolve upon it: rather fly, therefore, from this irksome engagement +than court it. Jealousy, formerly a stranger to these happy isles, is +now coming into fashion, with many recent examples of which you are +acquainted. However brilliant the phantom may appear, suffer not +yourself to be caught by its splendour, and never be so weak as to +transform your slave into your tyrant: as long as you preserve your own +liberty, you will be mistress of that of others. I will relate to you a +very recent proof of the perfidy of man to our sex, and of the impunity +they experience in all attempts upon our innocence. The Earl of Oxford +fell in love with a handsome, graceful actress belonging to the duke’s +theatre, who performed to perfection, particularly the part of Roxana, +in a very fashionable new play, insomuch that she ever after retained +that name: this creature being both very virtuous and very modest, or, +if you please, wonderfully obstinate, proudly rejected the addresses and +presents of the Earl of Oxford. This resistance inflamed his passion: +he had recourse to invectives, and even to spells; but all in vain. This +disappointment had such effect upon him that he could neither eat nor +drink; this did not signify to him; but his passion at length became so +violent, that he could neither play nor smoke. In this extremity love +had recourse to Hymen; the Earl of Oxford, one of the first peers of +the realm, is, you know, a very handsome man: he is of the order of the +garter, which greatly adds to an air naturally noble. In short, from his +outward appearance, you would suppose he was really possessed of +some sense; but as soon as ever you hear him speak, you are perfectly +convinced of the contrary. This passionate lover presented her with a +promise of marriage, in due form, signed with his own hand: she would +not, however, rely upon this, but the next day she thought there could +be no danger, when the earl himself came to her lodgings attended by a +clergyman, and another man for a witness: the marriage was accordingly +solemnized with all due ceremonies, in the presence of one of her +fellow players, who attended as a witness on her part. You will suppose, +perhaps, that the new countess had nothing to do but to appear at court +according to her rank, and to display the earl’s arms upon her carriage. +This was far from being the case. When examination was made concerning +the marriage, it was found to be a mere deception: it appeared that the +pretended priest was one of my lord’s trumpeters, and the witness his +kettle drummer. The parson and his companion never appeared after the +ceremony was over; and as for the other witness, they endeavoured to +persuade her that the Sultana Roxana might have supposed, in some +part or other of a play, that she was really married. It was all to no +purpose, that the poor creature claimed the protection of the laws of +God and man, both which were violated and abused, as well as herself, +by this infamous imposition: in vain did she throw herself at the King’s +feet to demand justice: she had only to rise up again without redress; +and happy might she think herself to receive an annuity of one thousand +crowns, and to resume the name of Roxana, instead of Countess of Oxford. +You will say, perhaps, that she was only a player; that all men have +not the same sentiments as the earl; and, that one may at least believe +them, when they do but render justice to such merit as yours. But still +do not believe them, though I know you are liable to it, as you have +admirers; for all are not infatuated with Miss Jennings: the handsome +Sydney ogles you; Lord Rochester is delighted with your conversation; +and the most serious Sir Lyttleton forsakes his natural gravity in +favour of your charms. As for the first, I confess his figure is very +likely to engage the inclinations of a young person like yourself; but +were his outward form attended with other accomplishments, which I know +it is not, and that his sentiments in your favour were as real as he +endeavours to persuade you they are, and as you deserve, yet I would not +advise you to form any connections with him, for reasons which I cannot +tell you at present. + +“Sir Lyttleton is undoubtedly in earnest, since he appears ashamed of +the condition to which you have reduced him; and I really believe if he +could get the better of those vulgar chimerical apprehensions, of being +what is vulgarly called a cuckold, the good man would marry you, and you +would be his representative in his little government, where you might +merrily pass your days in casting up the weekly bills of housekeeping, +and in darning old napkins. What a glory would it be to have a Cato for +a husband, whose speeches are as many lectures, and whose lectures are +composed of nothing but ill-nature and censure! + +“Lord Rochester is, without contradiction, the most witty man in all +England; but then he is likewise the most unprincipled, and devoid even +of the least tincture of honour; he is dangerous to our sex alone; and +that to such a degree that there is not a woman who gives ear to him +three times, but she irretrievably loses her reputation. No woman can +escape him, for he has her in his writings, though his other attacks be +ineffectual; and in the age we live in, the one is as bad as the other +in the eye of the public. In the mean time nothing is more dangerous +than the artful insinuating manner with which he gains possession of +the mind: he applauds your taste, submits to your sentiments, and at the +very instant that he himself does not believe a single word of what he +is saying, he makes you believe it all. I dare lay a wager, that from +the conversation you have had with him, you thought him one of the most +honourable and sincerest men living; for my part I cannot imagine what +he means by the assiduity he pays you not but your accomplishments are +sufficient to excite the adoration and praise of the whole world; but +had he even been so fortunate as to have gained your affections, he +would not know what to do with the loveliest creature at court: for it +is a long time since his debauches have brought him to order, with the +assistance of the favours of all the common street-walkers. See then, my +dear Temple, what horrid malice possesses him, to the ruin and confusion +of innocence! A wretch! to have no other design in his addresses and +assiduities to Miss Temple, but to give a greater air of probability +to the calumnies with which he has loaded her. You look upon me with +astonishment, and seem to doubt the truth of what I advance; but I do +not desire you to believe me without evidence: ‘Here,’ said she, drawing +a paper out of her pocket, ‘see what a copy of verses he has made +in your praise, while he lulls your credulity to rest, by flattering +speeches and feigned respect.’” + +After saying this, the perfidious Hobart showed her half-a-dozen +couplets full of strained invective and scandal, which Rochester had +made against the former maids of honour. This severe and cutting lampoon +was principally levelled against Miss Price, whose person he took to +pieces in the most frightful and hideous manner imaginable. Miss Hobart +had substituted the name of Temple instead of Price, which she made +to agree both with the measure and tune of the song. This effectually +answered Hobart’s intentions: the credulous Temple no sooner heard her +sing the lampoon, but she firmly believed it to be made upon herself; +and in the first transports of her rage, having nothing so much at heart +as to give the lie to the fictions of the poet: “Ah! as for this, my +dear Hobart,” said she, “I can bear it no longer: I do not pretend to be +so handsome as some others; but as for the defects that villain charges +me with, I dare say, my dear Hobart, there is no woman more free from +them: we are alone, and I am almost inclined to convince you by ocular +demonstration.” Miss Hobart was too complaisant to oppose this motion; +but, although she soothed her mind by extolling all her beauties, in +opposition to Lord Rochester’s song, Miss Temple was almost driven +to distraction by rage and astonishment, that the first man she ever +attended to should, in his conversation with her, not even make use of a +single word of truth, but that he should likewise have the unparalleled +cruelty falsely to accuse her of defects; and not being able to find +words capable of expressing her anger and resentment, she began to weep +like a child. + +Miss Hobart used all her endeavours to comfort her, and chid her for +being so much hurt with the invectives of a person whose scandalous +impostures were too well known to make any impression: she however +advised her never to speak to him any more, for that was the only method +to disappoint his designs; that contempt and silence were, on such +occasions, much preferable to any explanation, and that if he could once +obtain a hearing, he would be justified, but she would be ruined. + +Miss Hobart was not wrong in giving her this counsel: she knew that an +explanation would betray her, and that there would be no quarter for +her if Lord Rochester had so fair an opportunity of renewing his former +panegyrics upon her; but her precaution was in vain: this conversation +had been heard from one end to the other, by the governess’s niece, who +was blessed with a most faithful memory; and having that very day an +appointment with Lord Rochester, she conned it over three or four times, +that she might not forget one single word, when she should have the +honour of relating it to her lover. We shall show in the next chapter, +what were the consequences resulting from it. + + + + +CHAPTER TENTH. OTHER LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT + + +The conversation before related was agreeable only to Miss Hobart; for +if Miss Temple was entertained with its commencement, she was so much +the more irritated by its conclusion this indignation was succeeded by +the curiosity of knowing the reason why, if Sidney had a real esteem for +her, she should not be allowed to pay some attention to him. + +As soon as they retired from the closet, Miss Sarah came out of the +bath, where during all this conversation, she had been almost perished +with cold, without daring to complain. This little gipsy had, it seems, +obtained leave of Miss Hobart’s woman to bathe herself unknown to her +mistress; and having, I know not how, found means to fill one of the +baths with cold water, Miss Sarah had just got into it, when they +were both alarmed with the arrival of the other two. A glass partition +enclosed the room where the baths were, and Indian silk curtains, which +drew on the inside, screened those that were bathing. Miss Hobart’s +chamber-maid had only just time to draw these curtains, that the girl +might not be seen to lock the partition door, and to take away the key, +before her mistress and Miss Temple came in. + +These two sat down on a couch placed along the partition, and Miss +Sarah, notwithstanding her alarms, had distinctly heard, and perfectly +retained the whole conversation. As the little girl was at all this +trouble to make herself clean, only on Lord Rochester’s account, as +soon as ever she could make her escape she regained her garret; where +Rochester, having repaired thither at the appointed hour, was fully +informed of all that had passed in the bathing room. He was astonished +at the audacious temerity of Hobart, in daring to put such a trick upon +him; but, though he rightly judged that love and jealousy were the real +motives, he would not excuse her. Little Sarah desired to know whether +he had a real affection for Miss Temple, as Miss Hobart said she +supposed that was the case. “Can you doubt it,” replied he, “since that +oracle of sincerity has affirmed it? But then you know that I am not now +capable of profiting by my perfidy, were I even to gain Miss Temple’s +compliance, since my debauches and the street-walkers have brought me to +order.” + +This answer made Miss Sarah very easy, for she concluded that the first +article was not true, since she knew from experience that the latter +was false. Lord Rochester was resolved that very evening to attend the +duchess’s court, to see what reception he would meet with after the fine +portrait Miss Hobart had been so kind as to draw of him. Miss Temple did +not fail to be there likewise, with the intention of looking on him with +the most contemptuous disdain possible, though she had taken care to +dress herself as well as she could. As she supposed that the lampoon +Miss Hobart had sung to her was in everybody’s possession, she was under +great embarrassment lest all those whom she met should think her such +a monster as Lord Rochester had described her. In the mean time, Miss +Hobart, who had not much confidence in her promises never more to speak +to him, narrowly watched her. Miss Temple never in her life appeared so +handsome every person complimented her upon it; but she received all +the civilities with such an air, that every one thought she was mad; for +when they commended her shape, her fresh complexion, and the brilliancy +of her eyes: “Pshaw,” said she, “it is very well known that I am but a +monster, and formed in no respect like other women: all is not gold +that glisters; and though I may receive some compliments in public, it +signifies nothing.” All Miss Hobart’s endeavours to stop her tongue were +ineffectual; and continuing to rail at herself ironically, the whole +court was puzzled to comprehend her meaning. + +When Lord Rochester came in, she first blushed, then turned pale, made +a motion to go towards him, drew back again, pulled her gloves one +after the other up to the elbow; and after having three times violently +flirted her fan, she waited until he paid his compliments to her as +usual, and as soon as he began to bow, the fair one immediately turned +her back upon him. Rochester only smiled, and being resolved that her +resentment should be still more remarked, he turned round and posting +himself face to face: “Madam,” said he, “nothing can be so glorious as +to look so charming as you do, after such a fatiguing day: to support +a ride of three long hours, and Miss Hobart afterwards, without being +tired, shows indeed a very strong constitution.” + +Miss Temple had naturally a tender look, but she was transported with +such a violent passion at his having the audacity to speak to her, that +her eyes appeared like two fireballs when she turned them upon him. +Hobart pinched her arm, as she perceived that this look was likely to be +followed by a torrent of reproaches and invectives. + +Lord Rochester did not wait for them, and delaying until another +opportunity the acknowledgments he owed Miss Hobart, he quietly retired. +The latter, who could not imagine that he knew anything of their +conversation at the bath, was, however, much alarmed at what he had +said; but Miss Temple, almost choked with the reproaches with which she +thought herself able to confound him and which she had not time to give +vent to, vowed to ease her mind of them upon the first opportunity, +notwithstanding the promise she had made; but never more to speak to him +afterwards. + +Lord Rochester had a faithful spy near these nymphs: this was Miss +Sarah, who, by his advice, and with her aunt’s consent, was reconciled +with Miss Hobart, the more effectually to betray her: he was informed by +this spy, that Miss Hobart’s maid, being suspected of having listened +to them in the closet, had been turned away; that she had taken another, +whom in all probability, she would not keep long, because, in the first +place, she was ugly, and, in the second, she eat the sweetmeats that +were prepared for Miss Temple. Although this intelligence was not +very material, Sarah was nevertheless praised for her punctuality +and attention; and a few days afterwards she brought him news of real +importance. + +Rochester was by her informed, that Miss Hobart and her new favourite +designed, about nine o’clock in the evening to walk in the Mall, in +the Park; that they were to change clothes with each other, to put on +scarfs, and wear black-masks: she added, that Miss Hobart had strongly +opposed this project, but that she was obliged to give way at last, Miss +Temple having resolved to indulge her fancy. + +Upon the strength of this intelligence, Rochester concerted his +measures: he went to Killegrew, complained to him of the trick which +Miss Hobart had played him, and desired his assistance in order to be +revenged: this was readily granted, and having acquainted him with the +measures he intended to pursue, and given him the part he was to act in +this adventure, they went to the Mall. + +Presently after appeared our two nymphs in masquerade: their shapes were +not very different, and their faces, which were very unlike each other, +were concealed with their masks. The company was but thin in the Park; +and as soon as Miss Temple perceived them at a distance, she quickened +her pace in order to join them, with the design, under her disguise, +severely to reprimand the perfidious Rochester; when Miss Hobart +stopping her: “Where are you running to?” said she; “have you a mind to +engage in conversation with these two devils, to be exposed to all +the insolence and impertinence for which they are so notorious?” These +remonstrances were entirely useless: Miss Temple was resolved to try the +experiment: and all that could be obtained from her, was, not to answer +any of the questions Rochester might ask her. + +They were accosted just as they had done speaking: Rochester fixed +upon Hobart, pretending to take her for the other; at which she was +overjoyed; but Miss Temple was extremely sorry she fell to Killegrew’s +share, with whom she had nothing to do: he perceived her uneasiness, +and, pretending to know her by her clothes: “Ah! Miss Hobart,” said he, +“be so kind as look this way if you please: I know not by what chance +you both came hither, but I am sure it is very apropos for you, since I +have something to say to you, as your friend and humble servant.” + +This beginning raising her curiosity, Miss Temple appeared more inclined +to attend him; and Killegrew perceiving that the other couple had +insensibly proceeded some distance from them: “In the name of God,” said +he: “what do you mean by railing so against Lord Rochester, whom +you know to be one of the most honourable men at court, and whom you +nevertheless described as the greatest villain, to the person whom of +all others he esteems and respects the most? What do you think would +become of you, if he knew that you made Miss Temple believe she is the +person alluded to in a certain song, which you know as well as myself +was made upon the clumsy Miss Price, above a year before the fair Temple +was heard of? Be not surprised that I know so much of the matter; but +pay a little attention, I pray you, to what I am now going to tell you +out of pure friendship: your passion and inclinations for Miss Temple +are known to every one but herself; for whatever methods you used to +impose upon her innocence, the world does her the justice to believe +that she would treat you as Lady Falmouth did, if the poor girl knew +the wicked designs you had upon her: I caution you, therefore, against +making any farther advances, to a person, too modest to listen to them: +I advise you likewise to take back your maid again, in order to silence +her scandalous tongue; for she says everywhere, that she is with child, +that you are the occasion of her being in that condition, and accuses +you of behaving towards her with the blackest ingratitude, upon trifling +suspicions only: you know very well, these are no stories of my own +invention; but that you may not entertain any manner of doubt, that I +had all this from her own mouth, she has told me your conversation in +the bathing-room, the characters you there drew of the principal men at +court, your artful malice in applying so improperly a scandalous song +to one of the loveliest women in all England; and in what manner the +innocent girl fell into the snare you had laid for her, in order to +do justice to her charms. But that which might be of the most fatal +consequences to you in that long conversation, is the revealing certain +secrets, which, in all probability, the duchess did not entrust you +with, to be imparted to the maids of honour: reflect upon this, and +neglect not to make some reparation to Sir Lyttleton, for the ridicule +with which you were pleased to load him. I know not whether he had his +information from your femme-de-chambre, but I am very certain that he +has sworn he will be revenged, and he is a man that keeps his word; +for after all, that you may not be deceived by his look, like that of a +Stoic, and his gravity, like that of a judge, I must acquaint you, that +he is the most passionate man living. Indeed, these invectives are of +the blackest and most horrible nature: he says it is most infamous, that +a wretch like yourself should find no other employment than to blacken +the characters of gentlemen, to gratify your jealousy; that if you +do not desist from such conduct for the future, he will immediately +complain of you; and that if her royal highness will not do him justice, +he is determined to do himself justice, and to run you through the body +with his own sword, though you were even in the arms of Miss Temple; and +that it is most scandalous that all the maids of honour should get into +your hands before they can look around them. + +“These things, madam, I thought it my duty to acquaint you with: you are +better able to judge than myself, whether what I have now advanced be +true, and I leave it to your own discretion to make what use you think +proper of my advice; but were I in your situation, I would endeavour to +reconcile Lord Rochester and Miss Temple. Once more I recommend to you +to take care that your endeavours to mislead her innocency, in order +to blast his honour, may not come to his knowledge; and do not estrange +from her a man who tenderly loves her, and whose probity is so great, +that he would not even suffer his eyes to wander towards her, if his +intention was not to make her his wife.” + +Miss Temple observed her promise most faithfully during this discourse: +she did not even utter a single syllable, being seized with such +astonishment and confusion, that she quite lost the use of her tongue. + +Miss Hobart and Lord Rochester came up to her, while she was still +in amazement at the wonderful discoveries she had made; things in +themselves, in her opinion, almost incredible, but to the truth of +which she could not refuse her assent, upon examining the evidences and +circumstances on which they were founded. Never was confusion equal to +that with which her whole frame was seized by the foregoing recital. + +Rochester and Killegrew took leave of them before she recovered from her +surprise; but as soon as she had regained the free use of her senses, +she hastened back to St. James, without answering a single question that +the other put to her; and having locked herself up in her chamber, the +fast thing she did, was immediately to strip off Miss Hobart’s clothes, +lest she should be contaminated by them; for after what she had been +told concerning her, she looked upon her as a monster, dreadful to the +innocence of the fair sex, of whatever sex she might be: she blushed at +the familiarities she had been drawn into with a creature, whose maid +was with child, though she never had been in any other service but hers: +she therefore returned her all her clothes, ordered her servant to bring +back all her own, and resolved never more to have any connection with +her. Miss Hobart, on the other hand, who supposed Killegrew had mistaken +Miss Temple for herself, could not comprehend what could induce her to +give herself such surprising airs, since that conversation; but being +desirous to come to an explanation, she ordered Miss Temple’s maid to +remain in her apartments, and went to call upon Miss Temple herself, +instead of sending back her clothes; and being desirous to give her some +proof of friendship before they entered upon expostulations, she slipt +softly into her chamber, when she was in the very act of changing her +linen, and embraced her. Miss Temple finding herself in her arms before +she had taken notice of her, everything that Killegrew had mentioned, +appeared to her imagination: she fancied that she saw in her looks +the eagerness of a satyr, or, if possible, of some monster still more +odious; and disengaging herself with the highest indignation from her +arms, she began to shriek and cry in the most terrible manner, calling +both heaven and earth to her assistance. + +The first whom her cries raised were the governess and her niece. It +was near twelve o’clock at night: Miss Temple in her shift, almost +frightened to death, was pushing back with horror Miss Hobart, who +approached her with no other intent than to know the occasion of those +transports. As soon as the governess saw this scene, she began to +lecture Miss Hobart with all the eloquence of a real duenna: she +demanded of her, whether she thought it was for her that her royal +highness kept the maids of honour? whether she was not ashamed to come +at such an unseasonable time of night into their very apartments to +commit such violences? and swore that she would, the very next day, +complain to the duchess. All this confirmed Miss Temple in her mistaken +notions: and Hobart was obliged to go away at last, without being able +to convince or bring to reason creatures, whom she believed to be either +distracted or mad. The next day Miss Sarah did not fail to relate this +adventure to her lover, telling him how Miss Temple’s cries had alarmed +the maids of honour’s apartment, and how herself and her aunt, running +to her assistance, had almost surprised Miss Hobart in the very act. + +Two days after, the whole adventure, with the addition of several +embellishments, was made public: the governess swore to the truth of +it, and related in every company what a narrow escape Miss Temple had +experienced, and that Miss Sarah, her niece, had preserved her honour, +because, by Lord Rochester’s excellent advice, she had forbidden her +all manner of connection with so dangerous a person. Miss Temple was +afterwards informed, that the song that had so greatly provoked her, +alluded to Miss Price only: this was confirmed to her by every person, +with additional execrations against Miss Hobart, for such a scandalous +imposition. Such great coldness after so much familiarity, made many +believe, that this adventure was not altogether a fiction. + +This had been sufficient to have disgraced Miss Hobart at court, and to +have totally ruined her reputation in London, had she not been, upon the +present, as well as upon a former occasion, supported by the duchess: +her royal highness pretended to treat the whole story as romantic +and visionary, or as solely arising from private pique: she chid Miss +Temple, for her impertinent credulity: turned away the governess and +her niece, for the lies with which she pretended they supported the +imposture; and did many improper things in order to re-establish Miss +Hobart’s honour, which, however, she failed in accomplishing. She had +her reasons for not entirely abandoning her, as will appear in the +sequel. + +Miss Temple, who continually reproached herself with injustice, with +respect to Lord Rochester, and who, upon the faith of Killegrew’s word, +thought him the most Honourable man in England, was only solicitous +to find out some opportunity of easing her mind, by making him some +reparation for the rigour with which she had treated him: these +favourable dispositions, in the hands of a man of his character, might +have led to consequences of which she was not aware; but heaven did not +allow him an opportunity of profiting by them. + +Ever since he had first appeared at court he seldom failed being +banished from it, at least once in the year; for whenever a word +presented itself to his pen, or to his tongue, he immediately committed +it to paper, or produced it in conversation, without any manner of +regard to the consequences the ministers, the mistresses, and even the +king himself, were frequently the subjects of his sarcasms; and had +not the prince, whom he thus treated, been possessed of one of the most +forgiving and gentle tempers, his first disgrace had certainly been his +last. + +Just at the time that Miss Temple was desirous of seeing him, in order +to apologize for the uneasiness which the infamous calumnies and black +aspersions of Miss Hobart had occasioned both of them, he was forbid the +court for the third time: he departed without having seen Miss Temple, +carried the disgraced governess down with him to his country seat, and +exerted all his endeavours to cultivate in her niece some dispositions +which she had for the stage; but though she did not make the same +improvement in this line, as she had by his other instructions, after +he had entertained both the niece and the aunt for some months in the +country, he got her entered in the king’s company of comedians the next +winter; and the public was obliged to him for the prettiest, but at the +same time, the worst actress in the kingdom. + + [Though no name is given to this lady, there are circumstances + enough mentioned to fix on the celebrated Mrs. Barry, as the person + intended by the author. Mrs. Barry was introduced to the stage by + Lord Rochester, with whom she had an intrigue, the fruit of which + was a daughter, who lived to the age of thirteen years, and is often + mentioned in his collection of love-letters, printed in his works, + which were written to Mrs. Barry. On her first theatrical attempts, + so little hopes were entertained of her, that she was, as Cibber + declares, discharged the company at the end of the first year, among + others that were thought to be a useless expense to it. She was + well born; being daughter of Robert Barry, Esq., barrister at law; a + gentleman of an ancient family and good estate, who hurt his fortune + by his attachment to Charles I.; for whom he raised a regiment at + his own expense. Tony Aston, in his Supplement to Cibber’s Apology, + says, she was woman to lady Shelton of Norfolk, who might have + belonged to the court. Curl, however, says, she was early taken + under the patronage of Lady Davenant. Both these accounts may be + true. The time of her appearance on the stage was probably not much + earlier that 1671; in which year she performed in Tom Essence, and + was, it may be conjectured, about the age of nineteen. Curl + mentions the great pains taken by Lord Rochester in instructing her; + which were repaid by the rapid progress she daily made in her + profession. She at last eclipsed all her competitors, and in the + part of Monimia established her reputation. From her performance in + this character, in that of Belvidera, and of Isabella, in the Fatal + Marriage, Downes says she acquired the name of the famous Mrs. + Barry, both at court and in the city. “Mrs. Barry,” says Dryden, in + his Preface to Cleomenes, “always excellent, has in this tragedy + excelled herself, and gained a reputation beyond any woman I have + ever seen on the theatre.” “In characters of greatness,” says + Cibber, “Mrs. Barry had a presence of elevated dignity; her mien + and motion superb, and gracefully majestic; her voice full, clear, + and strong; so that no violence of passion could be too much for + her; and when distress or tenderness possessed her, she subsided + into the most affecting melody and softness. In the art of exciting + pity, she had a power beyond all the actresses I have yet seen, or + what your imagination can conceive. In scenes of anger, defiance, + or resentment, while she was impetuous and terrible, she poured out + the sentiment with an enchanting harmony; and it was this particular + excellence for which Dryden made her the above-recited compliment, + upon her acting Cassandra in his Cleomenes. She was the first + person whose merit was distinguished by the indulgence of having an + annual benefit play, which was granted to her alone in King James’s + time, and which did not become common to others till the division of + this company, after the death of King William and Queen Mary.”] + +About this time Talbot returned from Ireland: he soon felt the absence +of Miss Hamilton, who was then in the country with a relation, whom +we shall mention hereafter. A remnant of his former tenderness still +subsisted in his heart, notwithstanding his absence, and the promises +he had given the Chevalier de Grammont at parting: he now therefore +endeavoured to banish her entirely from his thoughts, by fixing his +desires upon some other object; but he saw no one in the queen’s new +court whom he thought worthy of his attention: Miss Boynton, however, +thought him worthy of hers. Her, person was slender and delicate, to +which a good complexion and large motionless eyes gave at a distance an +appearance of beauty, that vanished upon nearer inspection: she affected +to lisp, to languish, and to have two or three fainting-fits a day. The +first time that Talbot cast his eyes upon her she was seized with one +of these fits: he was told that she swooned away upon his account: he +believed it, was eager to afford her assistance; and ever after that +accident showed her some kindness, more with the intention of saving +her life, than to express any affection he felt for her. This seeming +tenderness was well received, and at first she was visibly affected by +it. Talbot was one of the tallest men in England, and in all appearance +one of the most robust; yet she showed sufficiently that she was willing +to expose the delicacy of her constitution, to whatever might happen, +in order to become his wife; which event perhaps might then have taken +place, as it did afterwards, had not the charms of the fair Jennings at +that time, proved an obstacle to her wishes. + +I know not how it came to pass that he had not yet seen her; though he +had heard her much praised, and her prudence, wit, and vivacity equally +commended; he believed all this upon the faith of common report. He +thought it very singular that discretion and sprightliness should be so +intimately united in a person so young, more particularly in the midst +of a court where love and gallantry were so much in fashion; but he +found her personal accomplishments greatly to exceed whatever fame had +reported of them. + +As it was not long before he perceived he was in love, neither was +it long before he made a declaration of it: as his passion was likely +enough to be real, Miss Jennings thought she might believe him, without +exposing herself to the imputation of vanity. Talbot was possessed of +a fine and brilliant exterior, his manners were noble and majestic: +besides this, he was particularly distinguished by the favour and +friendship of the duke; but his most essential merit, with her, was his +forty thousand pounds a-year, landed property, besides his employments. +All these qualities came within the rules and maxims she had resolved to +follow with respect to lovers: thus, though he had not the satisfaction +to obtain from her an entire declaration of her sentiments, he had at +least the pleasure of being better received than those who had paid +their addresses to her before him. + +No person attempted to interrupt his happiness; and Miss Jennings, +perceiving that the duchess approved of Talbot’s pretensions; and after +having well weighed the matter, and consulted her own inclinations, +found that her reason was more favourable to him than her heart, and +that the most she could do for his satisfaction was to marry him without +reluctance. + +Talbot, too fortunate in a preference which no man had before +experienced, did not examine whether it was to her heart or to her head +that he was indebted for it, and his thoughts were solely occupied in +hastening the accomplishment of his wishes: one would have sworn that +the happy minute was at hand; but love would no longer be love, if he +did not delight in obstructing, or in overturning the happiness of those +who live under his dominion. + +Talbot, who found nothing reprehensible either in the person, in the +conversation, or in the reputation of Miss Jennings, was however rather +concerned at a now acquaintance she had lately formed; and having taken +upon him to give her some cautions upon this subject, she was much +displeased at his conduct. + +Miss Price, formerly maid of honour, that had been set aside, as we have +before mentioned, upon her leaving the duchess’s service, had recourse +to Lady Castlemaine’s protection: she had a very entertaining wit: +her complaisance was adapted to all humours, and her own humour was +possessed of a fund of gaiety and sprightliness which diffused universal +mirth and merriment wherever she came. Her acquaintance with Miss +Jennings was prior to Talbot’s. + +As she was thoroughly acquainted with all the intrigues of the court, +she related them without any manner of reserve to Miss Jennings, and her +own with the same frankness as the others: Miss Jennings was extremely +well pleased with her stories; for though she was determined to make no +experiment in love, but upon honourable terms, she however was desirous +of knowing from her recitals, all the different intrigues that were +carrying on: thus, as she was never wearied with her conversation, she +was overjoyed whenever she could see her. + +Talbot, who remarked the extreme relish she had for Miss Price’s +company, thought that the reputation such a woman had in the world might +prove injurious to his mistress, more especially from the particular +intimacy there seemed to exist between them: whereupon, in the tone of +a guardian rather than a lover, he took upon him to chide her for +the disreputable company she kept. Miss Jennings was haughty beyond +conception, when once she took it into her head; and as she liked Miss +Price’s conversation much better than Talbot’s, she took the liberty +of desiring him “to attend to his own affairs, and that if he only +came from Ireland to read lectures about her conduct, he might take the +trouble to go back as soon as he pleased.” He was offended at a sally +which he thought ill-timed, considering the situation of affairs between +them; and went out of her presence more abruptly than became the respect +due from a man greatly in love. He for some time appeared offended; +but perceiving that he gained nothing by such conduct, he grew weary of +acting that part, and assumed that of an humble lover, in which he +was equally unsuccessful; neither his repentance nor submissions could +produce any effect upon her, and the mutinous little gipsy was still in +her pouts when Jermyn returned to court. + +It was above a year since he had triumphed over the weakness of +Lady Castlemaine, and above two since the king had been weary of his +triumphs: his uncle, being vile of the first who perceived the king’s +disgust, obliged him to absent himself from court, at the very time that +orders were going to be issued for that purpose; for though the king’s +affections for Lady Castlemaine were now greatly diminished, yet he did +not think it consistent with his dignity that a mistress, whom he had +honoured with public distinction, and who still received a considerable +support from him, should appear chained to the car of the most +ridiculous conqueror that ever existed. His majesty had frequently +expostulated with the countess upon this subject: but his expostulations +were never attended to; it was in one of these differences that +he, advising her rather to bestow her favours upon Jacob Hall, the +rope-dancer, who was able to return them, than lavish away her money +upon Jermyn to no purpose, since it would be more honourable for her to +pass for the mistress of the first, than for the very humble servant of +the other, she was not proof against his raillery. The impetuosity of +her temper broke forth like lightning: she told him “that it very ill +became him to throw out such reproaches against one, who, of all the +women in England, deserved them the least; that he had never ceased +quarrelling thus unjustly with her, ever since he had betrayed his own +mean low inclinations; that to gratify such a depraved taste as his, +he wanted only such silly things as Stewart, Wells, and that pitiful +strolling actress,--[Probably Nell Gwyn.]--whom he had lately introduced +into their society.” Floods of tears from rage, generally attended these +storms; after which, resuming the part of Medea, the scene closed with +menaces of tearing her children in pieces, and setting his palace on +fire. What course could he pursue with such an outrageous fury, who, +beautiful as she was, resembled Medea less than her dragons, when she +was thus enraged! + +The indulgent monarch loved peace; and as he seldom contended for it on +these occasions without paying something to obtain it, he was obliged +to be at great expense, in order to reconcile this last rupture: as they +could not agree of themselves, and both parties equally complained, the +Chevalier de Grammont was chosen, by mutual consent, mediator of the +treaty. The grievances and pretensions on each side were communicated +to him, and what is very extraordinary, he managed so as to please them +both. Here follow the articles of peace, which they agreed to: + +“That Lady Castlemaine should for ever abandon Jermyn; that as a proof +of her sincerity, and the reality of his disgrace, she should consent +to his being sent, for some time, into the country; that she should +not rail any more against Miss Wells, nor storm any more against Miss +Stewart; and this without any restraint on the king’s behaviour towards +her that in consideration of these condescensions, his majesty should +immediately give her the title of duchess, with all the honours and +privileges thereunto belonging, and an addition to her pension, in order +to enable her to support the dignity.” + + [The title of Duchess of Cleveland was conferred on her 3rd August, + 22 Charles II., 1670.] + +As soon as this peace was proclaimed, the political critics, who, in all +nations, never fail to censure all state proceedings, pretended that the +mediator of this treaty, being every day at play with Lady Castlemaine, +and never losing, had, for his own sake, insisted a little too strongly +upon this last article. + +Some days after, she was created Duchess of Cleveland, and little Jermyn +repaired to his country-seat: however, it was in his power to have +returned in a fortnight; for the Chevalier de Grammont, having procured +the king’s permission, carried it to the Earl of St. Alban’s: this +revived the good old man; but it was to little purpose he transmitted it +to his nephew; for whether he wished to make the London beauties deplore +and lament his absence, or whether he wished them to declaim against +the injustice of the age, or rail against the tyranny of the prince, +he continued above half a year in the country, setting up for a little +philosopher, under the eyes of the sportsmen in the neighbourhood, who +regarded him as an extraordinary instance of the caprice of fortune. +He thought the part he acted so glorious, that he would have continued +there much longer had he not heard of Miss Jennings: he did not, +however, pay much attention to what his friends wrote to him concerning +her charms, being persuaded he had seen equally as great in others: what +was related to him of her pride and resistance, appeared to him of far +greater consequence; and to subdue the last, he even looked upon as an +action worthy of his prowess; and quitting his retreat for this purpose, +he arrived in London at the time that Talbot, who was really in love, +had quarrelled, in his opinion, so unjustly with Miss Jennings. + +She had heard Jermyn spoken of as a hero in affairs of love and +gallantry. Miss Price, in the recital of those of the Duchess of +Cleveland, had often mentioned him, without in any respect diminishing +the insignificancy with which fame insinuated he had conducted himself +in those amorous encounters: she nevertheless had the greatest curiosity +to see a man, whose entire person, she thought, must be a moving trophy, +and monument of the favours and freedoms of the fair sex. + +Thus Jermyn arrived at the right time to satisfy her curiosity by his +presence; and though his brilliancy appeared a little tarnished by his +residence in the country; though his head was larger, and his legs more +slender than usual, yet the giddy girl thought she had never seen any +man so perfect; and yielding to her destiny, she fell in love with him, +a thousand times more unaccountably than all the others had done before +her. Everybody remarked this change of conduct in her with surprise; +for they expected something more from the delicacy of a person who, till +this time, had behaved with so much propriety in all her actions. + +Jermyn was not in the least surprised at this conquest, though not a +little proud of it; for his heart had very soon as great a share in +it as his vanity. Talbot, who saw with amazement the rapidity of this +triumph, and the disgrace of his own defeat, was ready to die with +jealousy and spite; yet he thought it would be more to his credit to die +than to vent those passions unprofitably; and shielding himself under +a feigned indifference, he kept at a distance to view how far such an +extravagant prepossession would proceed. + +In the mean time Jermyn quietly enjoyed the happiness of seeing the +inclinations of the prettiest and most extraordinary creature in +England declared in his favour. The duchess, who had taken her under her +protection ever since she had declined placing herself under that of the +duke, sounded Jermyn’s intentions towards her, and was satisfied +with the assurances she received from a man, whose probity infinitely +exceeded his merit in love: he therefore let all the court see that he +was willing to marry her, though, at the same time, he did not appear +particularly desirous of hastening the consummation. Every person now +complimented Miss Jennings upon having reduced to this situation the +terror of husbands, and the plague of lovers: the court was in full +expectation of this miracle, and Miss Jennings of a near approaching +happy settlement: but in this world one must have fortune in one’s +favour, before one can calculate with certainty upon happiness. + +The king did not use to let Lord Rochester remain so long in exile: he +grew weary of it, and being displeased that he was forgotten, he posted +up to London to wait till it might be his majesty’s pleasure to recall +him. + +He first took up his habitation in the city, among the capital tradesmen +and rich merchants, where politeness indeed is not so much cultivated +as at court; but where pleasure, luxury, and abundance reign with less +confusion, and more sincerity. His first design was only to be initiated +into the mysteries of those fortunate and happy inhabitants: that is to +say, by changing his name and dress, to gain admittance to their feasts +and entertainments; and, as occasion offered, to those of their loving +spouses; as he was able to adapt himself to all capacities and humours, +he soon deeply insinuated himself into the esteem of the substantial +wealthy aldermen, and into he affections of their more delicate, +magnificent, and tender ladies: he made one in all their feasts, and +at all their assemblies; and, whilst in the company of the husbands, he +declaimed against the faults and mistakes of government, he joined their +wives in railing against the profligacy of the court ladies, and in +inveighing against the king’s mistresses: he agreed with them, that the +industrious poor were to pay for these cursed extravagances; that the +city beauties were not inferior to those of the other end of the town, +and yet a sober husband in this quarter of the town was satisfied with +one wife; after which, to out-do their murmurings, he said, that he +wondered Whitehall was not yet consumed by fire from heaven, since such +rakes as Rochester, Killegrew, and Sidney were suffered there, who had +the impudence to assert that all married men in the city were cuckolds, +and all their wives painted. This conduct endeared him so much to the +cits, and made him so welcome at their clubs, that at last he grew sick +of their cramming and endless invitations. + +But, instead of approaching nearer the court, he retreated into one of +the most obscure corners of the city: where, again changing both his +name and his dress, in order to act a new part, he caused bills to +be dispersed, giving notice of “The recent arrival of a famous German +doctor, who, by long application and experience, had found out wonderful +secrets, and infallible remedies.” + + [Bishop Burnet confirms this account.--“Being under an unlucky + accident, which obliged him to keep out of the way, he disguised + himself so, that his nearest friends could not have known him, and + set up in Tower Street for an Italian mountebank, where he practised + physic for some weeks, not without success. In his latter years he + read books of history more. He took pleasure to disguise himself as + a porter, or as a beggar; sometimes to follow some mean amours, + which, for the variety of them, he affected. At other times, merely + for diversion, he would go about in odd shapes; in which he acted + his part so naturally, that even those who were in the secret, and + saw him in these shapes, could perceive nothing by which he might be + discovered.”--Burnet’s Life of Rochester, ed. 1774, p. 14.] + +His secrets consisted in knowing what was past, and foretelling what was +to come, by the assistance of astrology: and the virtue of his remedies +principally consisted in giving present relief to unfortunate young +women in all manner of diseases, and all kinds of accidents incident to +the fair sex, either from too unbounded charity to their neighbours, or +too great indulgence to themselves. + +His first practice being confined to his neighbourhood, was not very +considerable; but his reputation soon extending to the other end of the +town, there presently flocked to him the women attending on the court, +next, the chamber-maids of ladies of quality, who, upon the wonders +they related concerning the German doctor, were soon followed by some of +their mistresses. + +Among all the compositions of a ludicrous and satirical kind, there +never existed any that could be compared to those of Lord Rochester, +either for humour, fire, or wit; but, of all his works, the most +ingenious and entertaining is that which contains a detail of the +intrigues and adventures in which he was engaged while he professed +medicine and astrology in the suburbs of London. + +The fair Jennings was very near getting a place in this collection; but +the adventure that prevented her from it, did not, however, conceal from +the public her intention of paying a visit to the German doctor. + +The first chamber-maids that consulted him were only those of the maids +of honour; who had numberless questions to ask, and not a few doubts +to be resolved, both upon their own and their mistresses’ accounts. +Notwithstanding their disguise, he recognised some of them, particularly +Miss Temple’s and Miss Price’s maids, and her whom Miss Hobart had +lately discarded: these creatures all returned either filled with +wonder and amazement, or petrified with terror and fear. Miss Temple’s +chamber-maid deposed that he assured her she would have the small-pox, +and her mistress the great, within two months at farthest, if her +aforesaid mistress did not guard against a man in woman’s clothes. Miss +Price’s woman affirmed that, without knowing her, and only looking in +her hand, he told her at first sight that, according to the course of +the stars, he perceived that she was in the service of some good-natured +lady, who had no other fault than loving wine and men. In short, every +one of them, struck with some particular circumstance relating to their +own private affairs, had either alarmed or diverted their mistresses +with the account, not failing, according to custom, to embellish the +truth, in order to enhance the wonder. + +Miss Price, relating these circumstances one day to her new friend, the +devil immediately tempted her to go in person, and see what sort of a +creature this new magician was. This enterprise was certainly very rash; +but nothing was too rash for Miss Jennings, who was of opinion that a +woman might despise appearances, provided she was in reality virtuous. +Miss Price was all compliance, and thus having fixed upon this glorious +resolution, they only thought of the proper means of putting it into +execution. + +It was very difficult for Miss Jennings to disguise herself, on account +of her excessive fair and bright complexion, and of something particular +in her air and manner: however, after having well considered the matter +the best disguise they could think of was to dress themselves like +orange girls. + + [These frolics appear to have been not unfrequent with persons of + high rank at this period. In a letter from Mr. Henshaw to Sir + Robert Paston, afterwards Earl of Yarmouth, dated October 13, 1670, + we have the following account: “Last week, there being a faire + neare Audley-end, the queen, the Dutchess of Richmond, and the + Dutchess of Buckingham, had a frolick to disguise themselves like + country lasses, to red petticoats, wastcotes, &c., and so goe see + the faire. Sir Barnard Gascoign, on a cart jade, rode before the + queen; another stranger before the Dutchess of Buckingham; and Mr. + Roper before Richmond. They had all so overdone it in their + disguise, and looked so much more like antiques than country volk, + that, as soon as they came to the faire, the people began to goe + after them; but the queen going to a booth, to buy a pair of yellow + stockings for her sweet hart, and Sir Bernard asking for a pair of + gloves sticht with blew, for his sweet hart, they were soon, by + their gebrish, found to be strangers, which drew a bigger flock + about them. One amongst them had seen the queen at dinner, knew + her, and was proud of her knowledge. This soon brought all the + faire into a crowd to stare at the queen. Being thus discovered, + they, as soon as they could, got to their horses; but as many of the + faire as had horses got up, with their wives, children, sweet harts, + or neighbours, behind them, to get as much gape as they could, till + they brought them to the court gate. Thus, by ill conduct, was a + merry frolick turned into a penance.”--I’ve’s Select Papers, p. 39. + + Bishop Burnet says, “at this time, (1668) the court fell into much + extravagance in masquerading: both the king and queen, all the + court, went about masked, and came into houses unknown, and danced + there, with a great deal of wild frolic. In all this people were so + disguised, that, without being in the secret, none could distinguish + them. They were carried about in hackney chairs. Once the queen’s + chairmen, not knowing who she was, went from her. So she was alone, + and was much disturbed, and came to Whitehall in a hackney coach; + some say in a cart.”--Burnet’s History, vol. i., p. 368.] + +This was no sooner resolved upon, but it was put in execution they +attired themselves alike, and, taking each a basket of oranges under +their arms, they embarked in a hackney coach, and committed themselves +to fortune, without any other escort than their own caprice and +indiscretion. + +The duchess was gone to the play with her sister: Miss Jennings had +excused herself under pretence of indisposition she was overjoyed at +the happy commencement of their adventure; for they had disguised +themselves, had crossed the Park, and taken their hackney coach at +Whitehall gate, without the least accident. They mutually congratulated +each other upon it, and Miss Price, taking a beginning so prosperous as +a good omen of their success, asked her companion what they were to do +at the fortune-teller’s, and what they should propose to him. + +Miss Jennings told her that, for her part, curiosity was her principal +inducement for going thither; that, however, she was resolved to ask +him, without naming any person, why a man, who was in love with a +handsome young lady, was not urgent to marry her, since this was in his +power to do, and by so doing he would have an opportunity of gratifying +his desires. Miss Price told her, smiling, that, without going to the +astrologer, nothing was more easy than to explain the enigma, as she +herself had almost given her a solution of it in the narrative of the +Duchess of Cleveland’s adventures. + +Having by this time nearly arrived at the playhouse, Miss Price, after +a moment’s reflection, said, that since fortune favoured them, a fair +opportunity was now offered to signalize their courage, which was to go +and sell oranges in the very playhouse, in the sight of the duchess and +the whole court. The proposal being worthy of the sentiments of the one, +and of the vivacity of the other, they immediately alighted, paid off +their hack, and, running through the midst of an immense number of +coaches, with great difficulty they reached the playhouse door. Sidney, +more handsome than the beautiful Adonis, and dressed more gay than +usual, alighted just then from his coach: Miss Price went boldly up to +him, as he was adjusting his curls; but he was too much occupied with +his own dear self to attend to anything else, and so passed on without +deigning to give her an answer. Killegrew came next, and the fair +Jennings, partly encouraged by the other’s pertness, advanced towards +him, and offered him her basket, whilst Price, more used to the +language, desired him to buy her fine oranges. “Not now,” said he, +looking at them with attention; “but if thou wilt to-morrow morning +bring this young girl to my lodgings, I will make it worth all the +oranges in London to thee” and while he thus spoke to the one he chucked +the other under the chin, examining her bosom. These familiarities +making little Jennings forget the part she was acting, after having +pushed him away with all the violence she was able, she told him with +indignation that it was very insolent to dare--“Ha! ha!” said he, +“here’s a rarity indeed! a young w----, who, the better to sell her +goods, sets up for virtue, and pretends innocence!” + +Price immediately perceived that nothing could be gained by continuing +any longer in so dangerous a place; and, taking her companion under the +arm, she dragged her away, while she was still in emotion at the insult +that had been offered to her. + +Miss Jennings, resolving to sell no more oranges on these terms, was +tempted to return, without accomplishing the other adventure; but Price +having represented to her the disgrace of such cowardly behaviour, more +particularly after having before manifested so much resolution, she +consented to go and pay the astrologer a short visit, so as they might +be enabled to regain the palace before the play was ended. + +They had one of the doctor’s bills for a direction, but there was no +occasion for it; for the driver of the coach they had taken told them he +knew very well the place they wanted, for he had already carried above +an hundred persons to the German doctor’s: they were within half a +street of his house, when fortune thought proper to play them a trick. + +Brounker had dined by chance with a merchant in that part of the city, +and just as he was going away they ordered their coach to stop, as +ill-luck would have it, just opposite to him. Two orange girls in +a hackney coach, one of whom appeared to have a very pretty face, +immediately drew his attention; besides, he had a natural curiosity for +such objects. + + [Gentleman of the chamber to the Duke of York, and brother to Lord + Viscount Brounker, president of the royal society. Lord Clarendon + imputes to him the cause of the great sea-fight, in 1665, not being + so well improved as it might have been, and adds, “nor did the duke + come to hear of it till some years after, when Mr. Brounker’s ill + course of life, and his abominable nature, had rendered him so + odious, that it was taken notice of in parliament, and, upon + examination, found to be true, as is here related; upon which he was + expelled the house of commons, whereof he was a; member, as an + infamous person, though his friend Coventry adhered to him, and used + many indirect acts to have protected him, and afterwards procured + him to have more countenance from the king than most men thought he + deserved; being a person, throughout his whole life, never notorious + for anything but the highest degree of impudence, and stooping to + the most infamous offices, and playing very well at chess, which + preferred him more than the most virtuous qualities could have + done.”--Continuation of Clarendon’s Life, p. 270.] + +Of all the men at court, he had the least regard for the fair sex, and +the least attention to their reputation: he was not young, nor was his +person agreeable; however, with a great deal of wit he had a violent +passion for women. He did himself justice respecting his own merit; and, +being persuaded that he could only succeed with those who were desirous +of having his money, he was at open war with all the rest. He had a +little country-house four or five miles from London always well stocked +with girls: in other respects he was a very honest man, and the best +chess-player in England. + +Price, alarmed at being thus closely examined by the most dangerous +enemy they could encounter, turned her head the other way, bid her +companion do the same, and told the coachman to drive on. Brounker +followed them unperceived on foot; and the coach having stopped twenty +or thirty yards farther up the street, they alighted. He was just +behind them, and formed the same judgment of them which a man much more +charitable to the sex must unavoidably have done, concluding that Miss +Jennings was a young courtesan upon the look-out, and that Miss Price +was the mother-abbess. He was, however, surprised to see them have much +better shoes and stockings than women of that rank generally wear, and +that the little orange girl, in getting out of a very high coach, showed +one of the handsomest legs he had ever seen: but as all this was no +obstruction to his designs, he resolved to purchase her at any rate, in +order to place her in his seraglio. + +He came up to them, as they were giving their baskets in guard to the +coachman, with orders to wait for them exactly in that place. Brounker +immediately pushed in between them: as soon as they saw him, they gave +themselves up for lost; but he, without taking the least notice of their +surprise, took Price aside with one hand, and his purse with the other, +and began immediately to enter upon business, but was astonished to +perceive that she turned away her face, without either answering or +looking at him: As this conduct appeared to him unnatural, he stared her +full in the face, notwithstanding all her endeavours to prevent him: +he did the same to the other: and immediately recognised them, but +determined to conceal his discovery. + +The old fox possessed a wonderful command of temper on such occasions, +and having teazed them a little longer to remove all suspicions he +quitted them, telling Price; “That she was a great fool to refuse his +offers, and that her girl would not, perhaps, get so much in a year, +as she might with him in one day; that the times were greatly changed, +since the queen’s and the duchess’s maids of honour forestalled the +market, and were to be had cheaper than the town ladies.” Upon this he +went back to his coach, whilst they blessed themselves, returning heaven +their most hearty thanks for having escaped this danger without being +discovered. + +Brounker, on the other hand, would not have taken a thousand guineas +for this rencounter: he blessed the Lord that he had not alarmed them to +such a degree as to frustrate their intention; for he made no doubt but +Miss Price had managed some intrigue for Miss Jennings: he therefore +immediately concluded, that at present it would be improper to make +known his discovery, which would have answered no other end but to have +overwhelmed them with confusion. + +Upon this account, although Jermyn was one of his best friends, he felt +a secret joy in not having prevented his being made a cuckold, before +his marriage; and the apprehension he was in of preserving him from that +accident, was his sole reason for quitting them with the precautions +aforementioned. + +Whilst they were under these alarms, their coachman was engaged in a +squabble with some blackguard boys, who had gathered round his coach +in order to steal the oranges: from words they came to blows: the two +nymphs saw the commencement of the fray as they were returning to +the coach, after having abandoned the design of going to the +fortuneteller’s. Their coachman being a man of spirit, it was with great +difficulty they could persuade him to leave their oranges to the mob, +that they might get off without any further disturbance: having thus +regained their hack, after a thousand frights, and after having received +an abundant share of the most low and infamous abuse applied to them +during the fracas, they at length reached St. James’s, vowing never +more to go after fortune-tellers, through so many dangers, terrors, and +alarms, as they had lately undergone. + +Brounker, who, from the indifferent opinion he entertained of the fair +sex, would have staked his life that Miss Jennings did not return from +this expedition in the same condition she went, kept his thoughts, +however, a profound secret; since it would have afforded him the highest +satisfaction to have seen the all-fortunate Jermyn marry a little +street-walker, who pretended to pass for a pattern of chastity, that he +might, the day after his marriage, congratulate him upon his virtuous +spouse; but heaven was not disposed to afford him that satisfaction, as +will appear in the sequel of these memoirs. + +Miss Hamilton was in the country, as we before mentioned, at a +relation’s: the Chevalier de Grammont bore this short absence of hers +with great uneasiness, since she would not allow him permission to visit +her there, upon any pretence whatever; but play, which was favourable to +him, was no small relief to his extreme impatience. + +Miss Hamilton, however, at last returned. Mrs. Wetenhall (for that was +the name of her relation) would by all means wait upon her to London, in +appearance out of politeness; for ceremony, carried beyond all bearing, +is the grand characteristic of country gentry: yet this mark of civility +was only a pretence, to obtain a peevish husband’s consent to his +wife’s journey to town. Perhaps he would have done himself the honour +of conducting Miss Hamilton up to London, had he not been employed in +writing some remarks upon the ecclesiastical history, a work in which he +had long been engaged: the ladies were more civil than to interrupt him +in his undertaking, and besides, it would entirely have disconcerted all +Mrs. Wetenhall’s schemes. + +This lady was what may be properly called a beauty, entirely English, +made up of lilies and roses, of snow and milk, as to colour; and of wax, +with respect to the arms, hands, neck, and feet, but all this without +either animation or air; her face was uncommonly pretty; but there was +no variety, no change of countenance in it: one would have thought she +took it in the morning out of a case, in order to put it up again at +night, without using it in the smallest degree in the daytime. What can +I say of her! nature had formed her a baby from her infancy, and a +baby remained till death the fair Mrs. Wetenhall. Her husband had been +destined for the church; but his elder brother dying just at the time he +had gone through his studies of divinity, instead of taking orders, he +came to England, and took to wife Miss Bedingfield, the lady of whom we +are now speaking. + +His person was not disagreeable, but he had a serious contemplative air, +very apt to occasion disgust: as for the rest, she might boast of having +one of the greatest theologists in the kingdom for her husband: he was +all day poring over his books, and went to bed soon, in order to rise +early; so that his wife found him snoring when she came to bed, and when +he arose he left her there sound asleep: his conversation at table would +have been very brisk, if Mrs. Wetenhall had been as great a proficient +in divinity, or as great a lover of controversy, as he was; but being +neither learned in the former, nor desirous of the latter, silence +reigned at their table, as absolutely as at a refectory. + +She had often expressed a great desire to see London; but though they +were only distant a very short day’s journey from it, she had never been +able to satisfy her curiosity: it was not therefore without reason, +that she grew weary of the life she was forced to lead at Peckham. The +melancholy retired situation of the place was to her insupportable; +and as she had the folly, incident to many other women, of believing +sterility to be a kind of reproach, she was very much hurt to see +that she might fall under that suspicion; for she was persuaded, that +although heaven had denied her children, she nevertheless had all the +necessary requisites on her part, if it had been the will of the Lord. +This had occasioned her to make some reflections, and then to reason +upon those reflections; as for instance, that since her husband +chose rather to devote himself to his studies, than to the duties of +matrimony, to turn over musty old books, rather than attend to the +attractions of beauty, and to gratify his own pleasures, rather than +those of his wife, it might be permitted her to relieve some necessitous +lover, in neighbourly charity, provided she could do it conscientiously, +and to direct her inclinations in so just a, manner, that the evil +spirit should have no concern in it. Mr. Wetenhall, a zealous partisan +for the doctrine of the casuists, would not perhaps have approved of +these decisions; but he was not consulted. + +The greatest misfortune was, that neither solitary Peckham nor its +sterile neighbourhood, presented any expedients, either for the +execution of the afore-mentioned design, or for the relief of poor Mrs. +Wetenhall: she was visibly pining away, when, through fear of dying +either with solitude or of want, she had recourse to Miss Hamilton’s +commiseration. + +Their first acquaintance was formed at Paris, whither Mr. Wetenhall had +taken his wife half a year after they were married, on a journey thither +to buy books: Miss Hamilton, who from that very time greatly pitied her, +consented to pass some time in the country with her, in hopes by that +visit to deliver her, for a short time at least, out of her captivity; +which project succeeded according to her wish. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, being informed of the day on which they were +to arrive, borne on the wings of love and impatience, had engaged George +Hamilton to go with him, and meet them some miles out of London. The +equipage he had prepared for the purpose, corresponded with his usual +magnificence; and on such an occasion, we may reasonably suppose he had +not neglected his person: however, with all his impatience, he checked +the ardour of the coachman, through fear of accidents, rightly judging +that upon a road prudence is preferable to eagerness. The ladies at +length appeared, and Miss Hamilton, being in his eyes, ten or twelve +times more handsome than before her departure from London, he would have +purchased with his life so kind a reception as she gave her brother. + +Mrs. Wetenhall had her share of the praises, which at this interview +were liberally bestowed upon her beauty, for which her beauty was very +thankful to those who did it so much honour; and as Hamilton regarded +her with a tender attention, she regarded Hamilton as a man very well +qualified for putting in execution the little projects she had concerted +with her conscience. + +As soon as she was in London, her head was almost turned, through an +excess of contentment and felicity: everything appeared like enchantment +to her in this superb city; more particularly, as in Paris she had never +seen anything farther than the Rue Saint Jacques, and a few booksellers’ +shops. Miss Hamilton entertained her at her own house, and she was +presented, admired, and well received at both courts. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, whose gallantry and magnificence were +inexhaustible, taking occasion, from this fair stranger’s arrival, to +exhibit his grandeur, nothing was to be seen but balls, concerts, plays, +excursions by land and by water, splendid collations and sumptuous +entertainments: Mrs. Wetenhall was transported with pleasures, of which +the greatest part were entirely new to her; she was greatly delighted +with all, except now and then at a play, when tragedy was acted, which +she confessed she thought rather wearisome: she agreed, however, that +the show was very interesting, when there were many people killed upon +the stage, but thought the players were very fine handsome fellows, who +were much better alive than dead. + +Hamilton, upon the whole, was pretty well treated by her, if a man in +love, who is never satisfied until the completion of his wishes, could +confine himself within the bounds of moderation and reason: he used all +his endeavours to determine her to put in execution the projects she had +formed at Peckham: Mrs. Wetenhall, on the other hand, was much pleased +with him. This is the Hamilton who served in the French army with +distinction; he was both agreeable and handsome. All imaginable +opportunities conspired to favour the establishment of an intimacy, +whose commencement had been so brisk, that in all probability it would +not languish for a conclusion; but the more he pressed her to it, the +more her resolution began to fail, and regard for some scruples, which +she had not well weighed, kept her in suspense: there was reason to +believe that a little perseverance would have removed these obstacles; +yet this at the present time was not attempted. Hamilton, not able to +conceive what could prevent her from completing his happiness, since in +his opinion the first and greatest difficulties of an amour were already +overcome, with respect to the public, resolved to abandon her to +her irresolutions, instead of endeavouring to conquer them by a more +vigorous attack. It was not consistent with reason, to desist from an +enterprise, where so many prospects of success presented themselves, for +such inconsiderable obstacles; but he suffered himself to be intoxicated +with chimeras and visions, which unseasonably cooled the vigour of his +pursuit, and led him astray in another unprofitable undertaking. + + [I apprehend he is the same George Hamilton already described, who + married Miss Jennings, and not the author of this work, as Lord + Orford supposes. In a letter from Arlington to Sir William + Godolphin, dated September 7, 1671, it is said, “the Conde de Molina + complains to us of certain levies Sir George Hamilton hath made in + Ireland. The king hath always told him he had no express license + for it; and I have told the Conde he must not find it strange that a + gentleman who had been bred the king’s page abroad, and losing his + employment at home, for being a Roman Catholic, should have some + more than ordinary connivance towards the making his fortune abroad + by the countenance of his friends and relations in Ireland: and yet + take the matter in the worst sense he could give, it would not + amount to the breach of any article betwixt the king my master and + the court of Spain.”--Arlington’s letters, vol. ii., p. 332. In + a letter from the same nobleman to Lord Sandwich, written about + October, 1667, we find the cause of Sir George Hamilton’s entering + into the French service “Concerning the reformadoes of the guards + of horse, his majesty thought fit, the other day, to have them + dismissed, according to his promise, made to the parliament at the + last session. Mr. Hamilton had a secret overture made him, that he, + with those men, should be welcome into the French service; his + majesty, at their dismissal, having declared they should have leave + to go abroad whither they pleased.” They accepted of Mr. Hamilton’s + offer to carry them into France. “Arlington’s Letters,” vol. i., p. + 185. Lodge, in his Peerage of Ireland, says, Sir George Hamilton + died in 1667, which, from the first extract above, appears to be + erroneous. He has evidently confounded the father and son; the + former of whom was the person who died in 1667.] + +I know not whether poor Wetenhall took the blame upon herself; but it is +certain, she was extremely mortified upon it. Soon after being obliged +to return to her cabbages and turkeys at Peckham, she had almost gone +distracted: that residence appeared a thousand times more dreadful to +her, since she had been initiated into the amusements of London; but +as the queen was to set out within a month for Tunbridge Wells, she was +obliged to yield to necessity, and return to the philosopher, Wetenhall, +with the consolation of having engaged Miss Hamilton to come and live at +her house, which was within ten or twelve miles of Tunbridge, as long as +the court remained there. + +Miss Hamilton promised not to abandon her in her retirement, and further +engaged to bring the Chevalier de Grammont along with her, whose humour +and conversation extremely delighted her. The Chevalier de Grammont, +who on all occasions started agreeable raillery, engaged on his part +to bring George Hamilton, which words overwhelmed her with blushes. The +court set out soon after to pass about two months in the place of all +Europe the most rural and simple, and yet, at the same time, the most +entertaining and agreeable. Tunbridge is the same distance from London, +that Fontainebleau is from Paris, and is, at the season, the general +rendezvous of all the gay and handsome of both sexes. The company, +though always numerous, is always select: since those who repair thither +for diversion, ever exceed the number of those who go thither for +health. Everything there breathes mirth and pleasure: constraint is +banished, familiarity is established upon the first acquaintance, and +joy and pleasure are the sole sovereigns of the place. + +The company are accommodated with lodgings in little, clean, and +convenient habitations, that lie straggling and separated from each +other, a mile and a half all round the Wells, where the company meet +in the morning: this place consists of a long walk, shaded by spreading +trees, under which they walk while they are drinking the waters: on one +side of this walk is a long row of shops, plentifully stocked with all +manner of toys, lace, gloves, stockings, and where there is raffling, as +at Paris, in the Foire de Saint Germain: on the other side of the walk +is the market; and, as it is the custom here for every person to buy +their own provisions, care is taken that nothing offensive appears on +the stalls. Here young, fair, fresh-coloured country girls, with clean +linen, small straw hats, and neat shoes and stockings, sell game, +vegetables, flowers and fruit: here one may live as one pleases: here +is, likewise, deep play, and no want of amorous intrigues. As soon as +the evening comes, every one quits his little palace to assemble at the +bowling-green, where, in the open air, those who choose, dance upon a +turf more soft and smooth than the finest carpet in the world. + +Lord Muskerry had, within two or three short miles of Tunbridge, a very +handsome seat called Summer-hill: Miss Hamilton, after having spent +eight or ten days at Peckham, could not excuse herself from passing the +remainder of the season at his house; and, having obtained leave of Mr. +Wetenhall, that his lady should accompany her, they left the melancholy +residence of Peckham, and its tiresome master, and fixed their little +court at Summer-hill. + +They went every day to court, or the court came to them. The queen +even surpassed her usual attentions in inventing and supporting +entertainments: she endeavoured to increase the natural ease and +freedom of Tunbridge, by dispensing with, rather than requiring, those +ceremonies that were due to her presence; and, confining in the bottom +of her heart that grief and uneasiness she could not overcome, she saw +Miss Stewart triumphantly possess the affections of the king without +manifesting the least uneasiness. + +Never did love see his empire in a more flourishing condition than on +this spot: those who were smitten before they came to it, felt a mighty +augmentation of their flame; and those who seemed the least susceptible +of love, laid aside their natural ferocity, to act in a new character. +For the truth of the latter, we shall only relate the change which soon +appeared in the conduct of Prince Rupert. + + [Lord Orford’s contrast to this character of Prince Rupert is too + just to be here omitted. “Born with the taste of an uncle whom his + sword was not fortunate in defending, Prince Rupert was fond of + those sciences which soften and adorn a hero’s private hours, and + knew how to mix them with his minutes of amusement, without + dedicating his life to their pursuit, like us, who, wanting capacity + for momentous views, make serious study of what is only the + transitory occupation of a genius. Had the court of the first + Charles been peaceful, how agreeably had the prince’s congenial + propensity flattered and confirmed the inclination of his uncle! + How the muse of arts would have repaid the patronage of the monarch, + when, for his first artist, she would have presented him with his + nephew! How different a figure did the same prince make in a reign + of dissimilar complexion! The philosophic warrior, who could relax + himself into the ornament of a refined court, was thought a savage + mechanic, when courtiers were only voluptuous wits. Let me + transcribe a picture of Prince Rupert, drawn by a man who was far + from having the least portion of wit in that age, who was superior + to its indelicacy, and who yet was so overborne by its prejudices, + that he had the complaisance to ridicule virtue, merit, talents. + --But Prince Rupert, alas! was an awkward lover!” Lord Orford here + inserts the character in the text, and then adds, “What pity that + we, who wish to transmit this prince’s resemblance to posterity on a + fairer canvas, have none of these inimitable colours to efface the + harsher likeness! We can but oppose facts to wit, truth to satire. + --How unequal the pencils! yet what these lines cannot do they may + suggest: they may induce the reader to reflect, that if the prince + was defective in the transient varnish of a court, he at least was + adorned by the arts with that polish which alone can make a court + attract the attention of subsequent ages.”--Catalogue of Engravers, + p 135, 8vo ed.] + +He was brave and courageous, even to rashness; but cross-grained +and incorrigibly obstinate: his genius was fertile in mathematical +experiments, and he possessed some knowledge of chemistry: he was polite +even to excess, unseasonably; but haughty, and even brutal, when he +ought to have been gentle and courteous: he was tall, and his manners +were ungracious: he had a dry hard-favoured visage, and a stern look, +even when he wished to please; but, when he was out of humour, he was +the true picture of reproof. + +The queen had sent for the players, either that there might be no +intermission in the diversions of the place, or, perhaps, to retort upon +Miss Stewart, by the presence of Nell Gwyn, part of the uneasiness she +felt from hers. Prince Rupert found charms in the person of another +player called Hughes, who brought down and greatly subdued his natural +fierceness. + + [Mrs. Hughes was one of the actresses belonging to the king’s + company, and one of the earliest female performers. According to + Downs, she commenced her theatrical career after the opening of + Drury lane theatre, in 1663. She appears to have been the first + female representative of Desdemona. By Prince Rupert she had a + daughter, named Ruperta, married to Lieutenant-general Howe, who + survived her husband many years, dying at Somerset house, about the + year 1740.] + +From this time, adieu alembics, crucibles, furnaces, and all the +black furniture of the forges: a complete farewell to all mathematical +instruments and chemical speculations: sweet powder and essences were +now the only ingredients that occupied any share of his attention. The +impertinent gipsy chose to be attacked in form; and proudly refusing +money, that, in the end she might sell her favours at a dearer rate, +she caused the poor prince to act a part so unnatural, that he no longer +appeared like the same person. The king was greatly pleased with this +event, for which great rejoicings were made at Tunbridge; but nobody was +bold enough to make it the subject of satire, though the same constraint +was not observed with other ridiculous personages. + +There was dancing every day at the queen’s apartments, because the +physicians recommended it, and no person thought it amiss: for even +those who cared least for it, chose that exercise to digest the waters +rather than walking. Lord Muskerry thought himself secure against +his lady’s rage for dancing; for, although he was ashamed of it, the +princess of Babylon was, by the grace of God, six or seven months +advanced in pregnancy; and, to complete her misfortune, the child had +fallen all on one side, so that even Euclid would have been puzzled to +say what her figure was. The disconsolate lady, seeing Miss Hamilton +and Mrs. Wetenhall set out every morning, sometimes on horseback and +sometimes in a coach, but ever attended by a gallant troop to conduct +them to court, and to convey them back, she fancied a thousand times +more delights at Tunbridge than in reality there were, and she did not +cease in her imagination, to dance over at Summer-hill all the country +dances which she thought had been danced at Tunbridge. She could no +longer support the racking torments which disturbed her mind, when +relenting heaven, out of pity to her pains and sufferings, caused Lord +Muskerry to repair to London, and kept him there two whole days: as soon +as ever he had turned his back, the Babylonian princess declared her +resolution to make a trip to court. + +She had a domestic chaplain who did not want sense, and Lord Muskerry, +for fear of accidents, had recommended her to the wholesome counsels and +good prayers of this prudent divine; but in vain were all his preachings +and exhortations to stay at home; in vain did he set before her eyes her +husband’s commands, and the dangers to which she would expose herself +in her present condition; he likewise added that her pregnancy, being a +particular blessing from heaven, she ought therefore to be so much the +more careful for its preservation, since it cost her husband, perhaps, +more trouble than she was aware of, to obtain it. These remonstrances +were altogether ineffectual: Miss Hamilton and her cousin Wetenhall, +having the complaisance to confirm her in her resolution, they assisted +in dressing her the next morning, and set out along with her all their +skill and dexterity were requisite to reduce her shape into some kind of +symmetry; but, having at last pinned a small cushion under her petticoat +on the right side, to counteract the untoward appearance the little +infant occasioned by throwing itself on the left, they almost split +their sides with laughter, assuring her at the same time that she looked +perfectly charming. + +As soon as she appeared, it was generally believed that she had dressed +herself in a farthingale, in order to make her court to the queen; but +every person was pleased at her arrival: those who were unacquainted +with the circumstances assured her in earnest that she was pregnant +with twins; and the queen, who envied her condition, notwithstanding +the ridiculous appearance she then made, being made acquainted with the +motive of her journey, was determined to gratify her inclinations. + +As soon as the hour for country dances arrived, her cousin Hamilton was +appointed her partner: she made some faint excuses at first on account +of the inconvenient situation she was then in: but soon suffered them to +be overcome, in order, as she said, to show her duty to the queen; and +never did a woman in this world enjoy such complete satisfaction. + +We have already observed, that the greatest prosperity is liable to the +greatest change: Lady Muskerry, trussed up as she was, seemed to feel no +manner of uneasiness from the motion in dancing; on the contrary, being +only apprehensive of the presence of her husband, which would have +destroyed all her happiness, she danced with uncommon briskness, lest +her ill stars should bring him back before she had fully satisfied +herself with it. In the midst, therefore, of her capering in this +indiscreet manner, her cushion came loose, without her perceiving it, +and fell to the ground in the very middle of the first round. The Duke +of Buckingham, who watched her, took it up instantly, wrapped it up in +his coat, and, mimicking the cries of a new-born infant, he went about +inquiring for a nurse for the young Muskerry among the maids of honour. + +This buffoonery, joined to the strange figure of the poor lady, had +almost thrown Miss Stewart into hysterics; for the princess of Babylon, +after this accident, was quite flat on one side, and immoderately +protuberant on the other. All those who had before suppressed their +inclinations to laugh, now gave themselves free scope, when they saw +that Miss Stewart was ready to split her sides. The poor lady was +greatly disconcerted: every person was officious to console her; but +the queen, who inwardly laughed more heartily than any, pretended to +disapprove of their taking such liberties. + +Whilst Miss Hamilton and Mrs. Wetenhall endeavoured to refit Lady +Muskerry in another room, the Duke of Buckingham told the king that, +if the physicians would permit a little exercise immediately after a +delivery, the best way to recover Lady Muskerry was to renew the dance +as soon as ever her infant was replaced; this advice was approved, +and accordingly put in execution. The queen proposed, as soon as she +appeared, a second round of country-dances; and Lady Muskerry accepting +the offer, the remedy had its desired effect, and entirely removed every +remembrance of her late mishap. + +Whilst these things were passing at the king’s court, that of the Duke +of York took a journey on the other side of London; the pretence of this +journey was to visit the county whose name he bore; but love was the +real motive. The duchess, since her elevation, had conducted herself +with such prudence and circumspection, as could not be sufficiently +admired: such were her manners, and such the general estimation in which +she was held, that she appeared to have found out the secret of pleasing +every one; a secret yet more rare than the grandeur to which she had +been raised: but, after having gained universal esteem, she was +desirous of being more particularly beloved; or, more properly speaking, +malicious Cupid assaulted her heart, in spite of the discretion, +prudence, and reason, with which she had fortified it. + +In vain had she said to herself a hundred times, that if the duke had +been so kind as to do her justice by falling in love with her, he had +done her too much honour by making her his wife; that with respect to +his inconstant disposition, which estranged him from her, she ought to +bear it with patience, until it pleased heaven to produce a change in +his conduct; that the frailties on his part, which might to her appear +injurious, would never justify in her the least deviation from her duty; +and, as resentment was still less allowable, she ought to endeavour to +regain him by a conduct entirely opposite to his own. In vain was it, as +we have said before, that she had long resisted Love and his emissaries +by the help of these maxims: how solid soever reason, and however +obstinate wisdom and virtue may be, there are yet certain attacks which +tire by their length, and, in the end, subdue both reason and virtue +itself. + +The Duchess of York was one of the highest feeders in England: as +this was an unforbidden pleasure she indulged herself in it, as an +indemnification for other self-denials. It was really an edifying sight +to see her at table. The duke, on the contrary, being incessantly in +the hurry of new fancies, exhausted himself by his inconstancy, and was +gradually wasting away; whilst the poor princess, gratifying her good +appetite, grew so fat and plump that it was a blessing to see her. It +is not easy to determine how long things would have continued in this +situation, if Love, who was resolved to have satisfaction for her late +conduct, so opposite to the former, had not employed artifice as well as +force, to disturb her repose. + +He at first let loose upon her resentment and jealousy two mortal +enemies to all tranquillity and happiness. A tall creature, pale-faced, +and nothing but skin and bone, named Churchill, whom she had taken for a +maid of honour, became the object of her jealousy, because she was then +the object of the duke’s affection. The court was not able to comprehend +how, after having been in love with Lady Chesterfield, Miss Hamilton, +and Miss Jennings, he could have any inclination for such a creature; +but they soon perceived that something more than unaccountable variety +had a great share in effecting this conquest. + + [Miss Arabella Churchill, daughter of Sir Winston Churchill of + Wotton Basset, in the county of Wilts, and sister to the celebrated + John, Duke of Marlborough. She was born 1648.] + +The duchess beheld with indignation a choice which seemed to debase her +own merit in a much greater degree than any of the former; at the very +instant that indignation and jealousy began to provoke her spleen, +perfidious Cupid threw in the way of her passions and resentments the +amiable, handsome Sidney; and, whilst he kept her eyes fixed upon +his personal perfections, diverted her attention from perceiving the +deficiency of his mental accomplishments: she was wounded before she was +aware of her danger; but the good opinion Sidney had of his own merit +did not suffer him long to be ignorant of such a glorious conquest; +and, in order more effectually to secure it, his eyes rashly answered +everything which those of her royal highness had the kindness to tell +him, whilst his personal accomplishments were carefully heightened by +all the advantages of dress and show. + +The duchess, foreseeing the consequences of such an engagement, strongly +combated the inclination that hurried her away; but Miss Hobart, siding +with that inclination, argued the matter with her scruples, and, in the +end, really vanquished them. This girl had insinuated herself into +her royal highness’s confidence by a fund of news with which she was +provided the whole year round: the court and the city supplied her; nor +was it very material to her whether her stories were true or false, her +chief care being that they should prove agreeable to her mistress: she +knew, likewise, how to gratify her palate, and constantly provided +a variety of those dishes and liquors which she liked best. These +qualifications had rendered her necessary; but, desirous of being still +more so, and having perceived both the airs that Sidney gave himself, +and what was passing in the heart of her mistress, the cunning Hobart +took the liberty of telling her royal highness that this unfortunate +youth was pining away solely on her account; that it was a thousand +pities a man of his figure should lose the respect for her which was +most certainly her due, merely because she had reduced him to such a +state that he could no longer preserve it; that he was gradually dying +away on her account, in the sight of the whole court; that his situation +would soon be generally remarked, except she made use of the proper +means to prevent it; that, in her opinion, her royal highness ought to +pity the miserable situation into which her charms had reduced him, and +to endeavour to alleviate his pain in some way or other. The duchess +asked her what she meant by “endeavouring to alleviate his pain in some +way or other.” “I mean, madam,” answered Miss Hobart, “that, if either +his person be disagreeable, or his passion troublesome, you will give +him his discharge; or, if you choose to retain him in your service, as +all the princesses in the world would do in your place, you will permit +me to give him directions from you for his future conduct, mixed with a +few grains of hope, to prevent his entirely losing his senses, until +you find a proper occasion yourself to acquaint him with your wishes.” + “What!” said the duchess, “would you advise me, Hobart--you, who really +love me--to engage in an affair of this nature, at the expense of my +honour, and the hazard of a thousand inconveniences! If such frailties +are sometimes excusable, they certainly are not so in the high station +in which I am placed; and it would be an ill-requital on my part for his +goodness who raised me to the rank I now fill to----” “All this is very +fine,” interrupted Miss Hobart: “but is it not very well known that he +only married you because he was importuned so to do? Since that I refer +to yourself whether he has ever restrained his inclination a single +moment, giving you the most convincing proofs of the change that has +taken place in his heart, by a thousand provoking infidelities? Is it +still your intention to persevere in a state of indolence and humility, +whilst the duke, after having received the favours, or suffered the +repulses, of all the coquettes in England, pays his addresses to the +maids of honour, one after the other, and at present places his whole +ambition and desires in the conquest of that ugly skeleton, Churchill? +What! Madam, must then your prime of life be spent in a sort of +widowhood in deploring your misfortunes, without ever being permitted +to make use of any remedy that may offer? A woman must be endowed with +insuperable patience, or with an inexhaustible degree of resignation, to +bear this. Can a husband, who disregards you both night and day, really +suppose, because his wife eats and drinks heartily, as, God be thanked, +your royal highness does, that she wants nothing else than to sleep well +too? Faith, such conduct is too bad: I therefore once more repeat that +there is not a princess in the universe who would refuse the homage of a +man like Sidney, when a husband pays his addresses elsewhere.” + +These reasons were certainly not morally good; but had they been still +worse the duchess would have yielded to them, so much did her heart act +in concert with Miss Hobart, to overthrow her discretion and prudence. + +This intrigue began at the very time that Miss Hobart advised Miss +Temple not to give any encouragement to the addresses of the handsome +Sidney. As for him, no sooner was he informed by the confidant Hobart +that the goddess accepted his adoration than he immediately began to +be particularly reserved and circumspect in his behaviour, in order +to divert the attention of the public; but the public is not so easily +deceived as some people imagine. + +As there were too many spies, too many inquisitive people and critics, +in a numerous court, residing in the midst of a populous city, the +duchess to avoid exposing the inclinations of her heart to the scrutiny +of so many inquisitors, engaged the Duke of York to undertake the +journey before mentioned, whilst the queen and her court were at +Tunbridge. + +This conduct was prudent; and, if agreeable to her, was far from +displeasing to any of her court, except Miss Jennings: Jermyn was not of +the party; and, in her opinion, every party was insipid in which he was +not one of the company. He had engaged himself in an enterprise above +his strength, in laying a wager which the Chevalier de Grammont had +laid before, and lost. He betted five hundred guineas that he would ride +twenty miles in one hour upon the same horse, in the high road. The day +he had fixed upon for this race was the very same in which Miss Jennings +went to the fortune-teller’s. + +Jermyn was more fortunate than her in this undertaking he came off +victorious; but as his courage had far exceeded the strength of his +constitution in this exertion to win the wager, he got a violent fever +into the bargain, which brought him very low. Miss Jennings inquired +after his health; but that was all she dared to do. In modern romances, +a princess need only pay a visit to some hero, abandoned by his +physicians, a perfect cure would be wrought in three days; but since +Miss Jennings had not been the cause of Jermyn’s fever, she was not +certain of relieving him from it, although she had been sure that a +charitable visit would not have been censured in a malicious court. +Without therefore paying any attention to the uneasiness she might feel +upon the occasion, the court set out without him: she had, however, the +gratification to testify her ill-humour throughout the whole journey, by +appearing displeased with everything which seemed to afford satisfaction +to all the rest of the company. + +Talbot made one of the company; and flattering himself that the absence +of a dangerous rival might produce some change in his favour, he was +attentive to all the actions, motions, and even gestures, of his former +mistress. There was certainly enough fully to employ his attention: it +was contrary to her disposition to remain long in a serious humour. Her +natural vivacity hurried her away, from being seemingly lost in thought, +into sallies of wit, which afforded him hopes that she would soon +forget Jermyn, and remember that his own passion was the first she had +encouraged. However, he kept his distance, notwithstanding his love +and his hopes, being of opinion that it ill became an injured lover to +betray either the least weakness, or the smallest return of affection, +for an ungrateful mistress, who had deserted him. + +Miss Jennings was so far from thinking of his resentments, that she +did not even recollect he had ever paid his addresses to her; and her +thoughts being wholly occupied upon the poor sick man, she conducted +herself towards Talbot as if they never had had anything to say to each +other. It was to him that she most usually gave her hand, either in +getting into or out of the coach; she conversed more readily with him +than any other person, and, without intending it, did everything to make +the court believe she was cured of her passion for Jermyn in favour of +her former lover. + +Of this he seemed likewise convinced, as well as the rest; and thinking +it now proper to act another part, in order to let her know that his +sentiments with respect to her were still the same, he had resolved +to address her in the most tender and affectionate manner upon this +subject. Fortune seemed to have favoured him, and to have smoothed the +way for this intended harangue: he was alone with her in her chamber; +and, what was still better, she was rallying him concerning Miss +Boynton; saying, “that they were undoubtedly much obliged to him for +attending them on their journey, whilst poor Miss Boynton had fainting +fits at Tunbridge, at least twice every day, for love of him.” Upon +this discourse, Talbot thought it right to begin the recital of his +sufferings and fidelity, when Miss Temple, with a paper in her hand, +entered the room. This was a letter in verse, which Lord Rochester had +written some time before, upon the intrigues of the two courts; wherein, +upon the subject of Miss Jennings, he said: “that Talbot had struck +terror among the people of God, by his gigantic stature; but that +Jermyn, like a little David, had vanquished the great Goliath.” + Jennings, delighted with this allusion, read it over two or three +times, thought it more entertaining than Talbot’s conversation, at first +heartily laughed at it, but soon after, with a tender air, “Poor little +David!” said she, with a deep sigh, and turning her head on one side +during this short reverie, she shed a few tears, which assuredly did not +flow for the defeat of the giant. This stung Talbot to the quick; and, +seeing himself so ridiculously deceived in his hopes, he went abruptly +out of the room, vowing never to think any more of a giddy girl, whose +conduct was regulated neither by sense nor reason; but he did not keep +his resolution. + +The other votaries of love, who were numerous in this court, were more +successful, the journey being undertaken solely on that account. There +were continual balls and entertainments upon the road; hunting, and all +other diversions, wherever the court halted in its progress. The tender +lovers flattered themselves with the thought of being able to crown +their happiness as they proceeded in their journey; and the beauties +who governed their destiny did not forbid them to hope. Sidney paid his +court with wonderful assiduity: the duchess made the duke take notice +of his late perfect devotion to his service: his royal highness +observed it, and agreed that he ought to be remembered upon the first +opportunity, which happened soon after. + +Montagu, as before mentioned, was master of the horse to the duchess: +he was possessed of a great deal of wit, had much penetration, and loved +mischief. How could she bear such a man near her person, in the present +situation of her heart? This greatly embarrassed her; but Montagu’s +elder brother having, very a-propos, got himself killed where he had no +business, the duke obtained for Montagu the post of master of the horse +to the queen, which the deceased enjoyed; and the handsome Sidney was +appointed to succeed him in the same employment to the duchess. All this +happened according to her wish; and the duke was highly pleased that he +had found means to promote these two gentlemen at once, without being at +the least expense. + +Miss Hobart greatly applauded these promotions: she had frequent and +long conversations with Sidney, which, being remarked, some did her the +honour to believe it was upon her own account; and the compliments that +were made her upon the occasion she most willingly received. The duke, +who believed it at first, observed to the duchess the unaccountable +taste of certain persons, and how the handsomest young fellow in England +was infatuated with such a frightful creature. + +The duchess confessed that taste was very arbitrary; the truth whereof +he himself seemed to be convinced of, since he had fixed upon the +beauteous Helen for his mistress. I know not whether this raillery +caused him to reflect for what reasons he had made his choice; but it +is certain he began to cool in his affections for Miss Churchill; +and perhaps he would entirely have abandoned this pursuit, had not an +accident taken place, which raised in him an entirely new inclination +for her. + +The court having halted for a few days in a fine open country, the +duchess was desirous of seeing a greyhound course. This diversion is +practised in England upon large downs, where the turf, eaten by the +sheep, is particularly green, and wonderfully even. She was in her +coach, and all the ladies on horseback, every one of them being attended +by her squire; it therefore was but reasonable that the mistress should +likewise have her squire. He accordingly was at the side of her coach, +and seemed to compensate for his deficiencies in conversation, by the +uncommon beauty of his mien and figure. + +The duke attended Miss Churchill, not for the sake of besieging her with +soft flattering tales of love, but, on the contrary, to chide her for +sitting so ill on horseback: She was one of the most indolent creatures +in the world; and although the maids of honour are generally the worst +mounted of the whole court, yet, in order to distinguish her, on account +of the favour she enjoyed, they had given her a very pretty, though +rather a high-spirited horse; a distinction she would very willingly +have excused them. + +The embarrassment and fear she was under had added to her natural +paleness. In this situation, her countenance had almost completed +the duke’s disgust, when her horse, desirous of keeping pace with the +others, set off in a gallop, notwithstanding her greatest efforts to +prevent it; and her endeavours to hold him in, firing his mettle, he at +length set off at full speed, as if he was running a race against the +duke’s horse. + +Miss Churchill lost her seat, screamed out, and fell from her horse. +A fall in so quick a pace must have been violent; and yet it proved +favourable to her in every respect; for, without receiving any hurt, she +gave the lie to all the unfavourable suppositions that had been formed +of her person, in judging from her face. The duke alighted, in order to +help her: she was so greatly stunned, that her thoughts were otherwise +employed than about decency on the present occasion; and those who first +crowded around her found her rather in a negligent posture: they could +hardly believe that limbs of such exquisite beauty could belong to Miss +Churchill’s face. After this accident, it was remarked that the duke’s +tenderness and affection for her increased every day; and, towards the +end of the winter, it appeared that she had not tyrannized over his +passion, nor made him languish with impatience. + +The two courts returned to London much about the same time, equally +satisfied with their respective excursions; though the queen was +disappointed in the hopes she had entertained of the good effects of the +Tunbridge waters. + +It was about this time that the Chevalier de Grammont received a letter +from the Marchioness de Saint-Chaumont, his sister, acquainting him, +that he might return when he thought proper, the king having given him +leave. He would have received this news with joy at any other time, +whatever had been the charms of the English court; but, in the present +situation of his heart, he could not resolve to quit it. + +He had returned from Tunbridge a thousand times deeper in love than +ever; for, during this agreeable excursion, he had every day seen +Miss Hamilton, either in the marshes of melancholy Peckham, or in the +delicious walks of cheerful Summerhill, or in the daily diversions +and entertainments of the queen’s court; and whether he saw her on +horseback, heard her conversation, or observed her in the dance, still +he was persuaded that Heaven had never formed an object in every respect +more worthy of the love, and more deserving of the affection, of a man +of sense and delicacy. How then was it possible for him to bear the +thoughts of leaving her? This appeared to him absolutely impracticable; +however, as he was desirous of making a merit with her, of the +determination he had made to neglect his fortune, rather than to be +separated from her charms, he showed her his sister’s letter: but this +confidence had not the success he expected. + +Miss Hamilton, in the first place, congratulated him upon his recall: +She returned him many thanks for the sacrifice he intended to make her; +but as this testimony of affection greatly exceeded the bounds of mere +gallantry, however sensibly she might feel this mark of his tenderness, +she was, however, determined not to abuse it. In vain did he protest +that he would rather meet death than part from her irresistible charms; +and her irresistible charms protested that he should never see them +more, unless he departed immediately. Thus was he forced to obey. +However, he was allowed to flatter himself, that these positive orders, +how harsh soever they might appear, did not flow from indifference; +that she would always be more pleased with his return than with his +departure, for which she was now so urgent; and having generously given +him assurances that, so far as depended upon herself, he would find, +upon his return, no variation in her sentiments during his absence, he +took leave of his friends, thinking of nothing but his return, at the +very time he was making preparations for his departure. + + + + +CHAPTER ELEVENTH. RETURN OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT TO FRANCE--HE IS SENT +BACK TO ENGLAND--VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THIS COURT, AND MARRIAGE OF +MOST OF THE HEROES OF THESE MEMOIRS + + +The nearer the Chevalier de Grammont approached the court of France, the +more did he regret his absence from that of England. + +A thousand different thoughts occupied his mind upon the journey: +Sometimes he reflected upon the joy and satisfaction his friends +and relations would experience upon his return; sometimes upon the +congratulations and embraces of those who, being neither the one nor the +other, would, nevertheless, overwhelm him with impertinent compliments: +All these ideas passed quickly through his head; for a man deeply in +love makes it a scruple of conscience not to suffer any other thoughts +to dwell upon his mind than those of the object beloved. It was then +the tender, endearing remembrance of what he had left in London that +diverted his thoughts from Paris; and it was the torments of absence +that prevented his feeling those of the bad roads and the bad horses. +His heart protested to Miss Hamilton, between Montreuil and Abbeville +that he only tore himself from her with such haste, to return the +sooner; after which, by a short reflection, comparing the regret he had +formerly felt upon the same road, in quitting France for England, with +that which he now experienced, in quitting England for France, he found +the last much more insupportable than the former. + +It is thus that a man in love entertains himself upon the road; or +rather, it is thus that a trifling writer abuses the patience of his +reader, either to display his own sentiments, or to lengthen out a +tedious story; but God forbid that this character should apply to +ourselves, since we profess to insert nothing in these memoirs, but +what we have heard from the mouth of him whose actions and sayings we +transmit to posterity. + +Who, except Squire Feraulas, has ever been able to keep a register of +all the thoughts, sighs, and exclamations, of his illustrious master? +For my own part, I should never have thought that the attention of the +Count de Grammont, which is at present so sensible to inconveniences +and dangers, would have ever permitted him to entertain amorous thoughts +upon the road, if he did not himself dictate to me what I am now +writing. + +But let us speak of him at Abbeville. The postmaster was his old +acquaintance: His hotel was the best provided of any between Calais and +Paris; and the Chevalier de Grammont, alighting, told Termes he would +drink a glass of wine during the time they were changing horses. It +was about noon; and, since the preceding night, when they had landed at +Calais, until this instant, they had not eat a single mouthful. Termes, +praising the Lord, that natural feelings had for once prevailed over the +inhumanity of his usual impatience, confirmed him as much as possible in +such reasonable sentiments. + +Upon their entering the kitchen, where the Chevalier generally paid his +first visit, they were surprised to see half a dozen spits loaded +with game at the fire, and every other preparation for a magnificent +entertainment. The heart of Termes leaped for joy: he gave private +orders to the hostler to pull the shoes off some of the horses, that +he might not be forced away from this place before he had satisfied his +craving appetite. + +Soon after, a number of violins and hautboys, attended by all the mob +of the town, entered the court. The landlord, being asked the reason of +these great preparations, acquainted the Chevalier de Grammont that +they were for the wedding of one of the most wealthy gentlemen in the +neighbourhood with one of the handsomest girls in the whole province; +that the entertainment was to be at his house; and that, if his lordship +chose to stop, in a very short time he would see the new-married couple +arrive from the church, since the music was already come. He was right +in his conjectures; for these words were scarce out of his mouth, when +three uncommonly large coaches, loaded with lackeys, as tall as Swiss, +with most gaudy liveries, all covered with lace, appeared in the +court, and disembarked the whole wedding company. Never was country +magnificence more naturally displayed: Rusty tinsel, tarnished lace, +striped silks, little eyes, and full swelling breasts, appeared on every +side. + +If the first sight of the procession surprised the Chevalier de +Grammont, faithful Termes was no less astonished at the second. The +little that was to be seen of the bride’s face appeared not without +beauty; but no judgment could be formed of the remainder: Four dozen +of patches, at least, and ten ringlets of hair, on each side, most +completely concealed her from all human eyes; but it was the bridegroom +who most particularly attracted the Chevalier de Grammont’s attention. + +He was as ridiculously dressed as the rest of the company, except a +coat of the greatest magnificence, and of the most exquisite taste. The +Chevalier de Grammont, walking up to him to examine his dress, began to +commend the embroidery of his coat. The bridegroom thought himself much +honoured by this examination, and told him he bought it for one hundred +and fifty louis, at the time he was paying his addresses to his wife. +“Then you did not get it made here?” said the Chevalier de Grammont. +“No,” replied the other; “I bought it of a London merchant, who had +ordered it for an English lord.” The Chevalier de Grammont, who now +began to perceive in what manner the adventure would end, asked him if +he should recollect the merchant if he saw him again? “Recollect him!” + replied the other, “I surely ought; for I was obliged to sit up drinking +with him all night at Calais, as I was endeavouring to beat down the +price.” Termes had vanished out of sight as soon as ever this coat +appeared, though he little supposed that the cursed bridegroom would +have any conversation concerning it with his master. + +The Chevalier’s thoughts were some time wavering between his inclination +to laugh, and a desire of hanging Master Termes; but the long habit +of suffering himself to be robbed by his domestics, together with the +vigilance of the criminal, whom his master could not reproach with +having slept in his service, inclined him to clemency; and yielding to +the importunities of the country gentleman, in order to confound his +faithful servant, he sat down to table, to make the thirty-seventh of +the company. + +A short time after, he desired one of the waiters to call for a +gentleman whose name was Termes. He immediately appeared; and as soon +as the master of the feast saw him, he rose from table, and offering him +his hand; “Welcome, my friend,” said he; “you see that I have taken good +care of the coat which you sold me with so much reluctance, and that I +have kept it for a good purpose.” + +Termes, having put on a face of brass, pretended not to know him, and +pushed him back with some degree of rudeness. “No, no!” said the other; +“since I was obliged to sit up with you the whole night, in order to +strike the bargain, you shall pledge me in the bride’s health.” + The Chevalier de Grammont, who saw that Termes was disconcerted, +notwithstanding his impudence, said to him with a smile: “Come, come, +my good London merchant, sit down, as you are so civilly invited: we are +not so crowded at table but that there will be room enough for such an +honest gentleman as yourself.” At these words five-and-thirty of the +guests were in motion to receive this new visitor: the bride alone, out +of an idea of decorum, remained seated; and the audacious Termes, having +swallowed the first shame of this adventure, began to lay about him at +such a rate, as if it had been his intention to swallow all the wine +provided for the wedding, if his master had not risen from the table as +they were taking off four-and-twenty soups, to serve up as many other +dishes in their stead. + +The company were not so unreasonable as to desire a man who was in such +haste to remain to the end of a wedding dinner; but they all got up when +he arose from table, and all that he could obtain from the bridegroom +was that the company should not attend him to the gate of the inn. As +for Termes, he wished they had not quitted him till the end of their +journey, so much did he dread being left alone with his master. + +They had advanced some distance from Abbeville, and were proceeding on +in the most profound silence, when Termes, who expected an end to it +in a short time, was only solicitous in what manner it might happen, +whether his master would attack him with a torrent of invectives, and +certain epithets which were most justly his due, or whether, in an +insulting, ironical manner, he might make use of such commendations as +were most likely to confound him; but finding, instead of either, that +he remained in sullen silence, he thought it prudent rather to prevent +the speech the Chevalier was meditating than to suffer him to think +longer about it; and, accordingly, arming himself with all his +effrontery: “You seem to be very angry, Sir,” said he, “and I suppose +you think you have reason for being so; but the devil take me, if you +are not mistaken in reality.” + +“How! traitor! in reality?” said the Chevalier de Grammont. “It is then +because I have not had thee well thrashed, as thou hast for a long +time merited.” “Look ye, Sir,” replied Termes, “you always run into a +passion, instead of listening to reason! Yes, Sir, I maintain that what +I did was for your benefit.” “And was not the quicksand likewise for +my service?” said the Chevalier de Grammont. “Have patience, if +you please,” pursued the other: “I know not how that simpleton of a +bridegroom happened to be at the custom-house when my portmanteau was +examined at Calais: but these silly cuckolds thrust in their noses +everywhere. As soon as ever he saw your coat, he fell in love with it. +I immediately perceived he was a fool; for he fell down upon his knees, +beseeching me to sell it him. Besides being greatly rumpled in the +portmanteau, it was all stained in front by the sweat of the horses. I +wonder how the devil he has managed to get it cleaned; but, faith, I am +the greatest scoundrel in the world, if you would ever have put it on. +In a word, it cost you one hundred and forty louis d’ors, and seeing he +offered me one hundred and fifty for it; ‘My master,’ said I, ‘has no +occasion for this tinselled bauble to distinguish him at the ball; and, +although he was pretty full of cash when I left him, how know I in what +situation he may be upon my return? there is no certainty at play.’ To +be brief, Sir, I got ten louis d’ors for it more than it cost you: this +you see is all clear profit: I will be accountable to you for it, and +you know that I am sufficiently substantial to make good such a sum. +Confess now, do you think you would have appeared to greater advantage +at the ball, if you had been dressed out in that damned coat, which +would have made you look just like the village bridegroom to whom we +sold it? and yet how you stormed at London when you thought it lost; +what fine stories you told the king about the quicksand; and how +churlish you looked, when you first began to suppose that this country +booby wore it at his wedding!” + +What could the Chevalier reply to such uncommon impudence? If he +indulged his resentment, he must either have most severely bastinadoed +him, or he must have discarded him, as the easiest escape the rogue +could expect; but he had occasion for him during the remainder of his +journey; and, as soon as he was at Paris, he had occasion for him for +his return. + +The Marechal de Grammont had no sooner notice of his arrival than he +went to him at the hotel; and, the first embraces being over on both +sides, “Chevalier,” said the Marechal, “how many days have you been in +coming from London hither? for God knows at what a rate you travel on +such occasions.” The Chevalier told him he had been three days upon the +road; and, to excuse himself for making no more haste, he related to +him his Abbeville adventure. “It is a very entertaining one,” said his +brother; “but what is yet more entertaining is, that it will be your +fault if you do not find your coat still at table; for the country +gentry are not accustomed to rise very soon from a wedding dinner.” And +then, in a very serious tone, told him, “he knew not who had advised him +to this unexpected return, which might probably ruin all his affairs; +but he had orders from the king to bid him go back again without +appearing at court. He told him afterwards that he was very much +astonished at his impatience, as, till this time, he had conducted +himself uncommonly well, and was sufficiently acquainted with the king’s +temper to know that the only way to merit his pardon was to wait until +it freely came from his clemency.” + +The Chevalier, in justification of his conduct, produced Madame de Saint +Chaumont’s letter, and told the Marechal that he would very willingly +have spared her the trouble of writing him such kind of news, to +occasion him so useless a journey. “Still more indiscretion,” replied +his brother; “for pray how long has our sister being either secretary of +state or minister, that she should be employed by the king to make known +his majesty’s order? Do you wish to know the real state of the case? +Some time ago the king told Madame--[Henrietta]--how you had refused the +pension the King of England offered you. + + [“Henrietta, youngest daughter of Charles the First,--born at Exeter + 16th June, 1644, from whence she was removed to London in 1646, and, + with her governess, Lady Dalkeith, soon afterwards conveyed to + France. On the restoration, she came over to England with her + mother, but returned to France in about six months, and was married + to Philip, Duke of Orleans, only brother of Louis XIV. In May, + 1670, she came again to Dover, on a mission of a political nature, + it is supposed, from the French king to her brother, in which she + was successful. She died, soon after her return to France, + suddenly, not without suspicion of having been poisoned by her + husband. King James, in his Diary, says, ‘On the 22d of June, the + news of the Duchess of Orleans’ death arrived. It was suspected + that counter-poisons were given her; but when she was opened, in the + presence of the English ambassador, the Earl of Ailesbury, an + English physician and surgeon, there appeared no grounds of + suspicion of any foul play. Yet Bucks tallied openly that she was + poisoned; and was so violent as to propose to foreign ministers to + make war on France.’--Macpherson’s Original Papers, vol i. At the + end of Lord Arlington’s Letters are five very remarkable ones from a + person of quality, who is said to have been actually on the spot, + giving a particular relation of her death.] + +“He appeared pleased with the manner in which Comminges had related to +him the circumstances attending it, and said he was pleased with you for +it: Madame interpreted this as an order for your recall; and Madame de +Saint Chaumont being very far from possessing that wonderful discretion +she imagines herself mistress of, she hastened to despatch to you this +consequential order in her own hand. To conclude, Madame said yesterday, +when the king was at dinner, that you would very soon be here; and the +king, as soon as dinner was over, commanded me to send you back as soon +as you arrived. Here you are; set off again immediately.” + +This order might have appeared severe to the Chevalier de Grammont at +any other time; but, in the present state of his heart, he soon resolved +upon obeying. Nothing gave him uneasiness but the officious advice +which had obliged him to leave the English court; and being entirely +unconcerned that he was not allowed to see the French court before his +departure, he only desired the Marechal to obtain leave for him to stay +a few days to collect in some play debts which were owing him. This +request was granted, on condition that he should not remain in Paris. + +He chose Vaugirard for his retreat: it was there that he had several +adventures which he so often related in so humorous and diverting a +manner, that it would be tedious to repeat them; there it was that he +administered the sacrament in so solemn a manner, that, as there did not +remain a sufficient number of Swiss at Versailles to guard the chapel, +Vardes was obliged to acquaint the king that they were all gone to the +Chevalier de Grammont, who was administering the sacrament at Vaugirard: +there likewise happened that wonderful adventure which threw the +first slur upon the reputation of the great Saucourt, when, having a +tete-a-tete with the gardener’s daughter, the horn, which was agreed +upon as the signal to prevent surprises, was sounded so often, that +the frequent alarms cooled the courage of the celebrated Saucourt, and +rendered useless the assignation that was procured for him with one of +the prettiest girls in the neighbourhood. It was, likewise, during his +stay at Vaugirard, that he paid a visit to Mademoiselle de l’Hopital at +Issy, to inquire into the truth of a report of an amour between her +and a man of the long robe; and it was there that, on his arriving +unexpectedly, the President de Maisons was forced to take refuge in a +closet, with so much precipitation, that half of his robe remained on +the outside when he shut the door; while the Chevalier de Grammont, who +observed it, made his visit excessively long, in order to keep the two +lovers upon the rack. + +His business being settled, he set out for England on the wings of love. +Termes redoubled his vigilance upon the road. The post horses were +ready in an instant at every stage: the winds and tides favoured his +impatience; and he reached London with the highest satisfaction. The +court was both surprised and charmed at his sudden return. No person +condoled with him upon his late disappointment, which had occasioned +him to come back, as he testified no manner of uneasiness concerning it +himself: nor was Miss Hamilton in the least displeased at his readiness +in obeying the orders of the king his master. + +Nothing new had happened in the English court during his short absence; +but it assumed a different aspect soon after his return: I mean with +respect to love and pleasure, which were the most serious concerns of +the court during the greatest part of this gay reign. + +The Duke of Monmouth, natural son to Charles the Second, now made his +first appearance in his father’s court. + + [James Duke of Monmouth, was the son of Charles the II., by one Lucy + Walters. He was born at Rotterdam, April 9, 1649, and bore the name + of James Crofts until the restoration. His education was chiefly at + Paris, under the eye of the queen-mother, and the government of + Thomas Ross, Esq., who was afterwards secretary to Mr. Coventry + during his embassy in Sweden. At the restoration, he was brought to + England, and received with joy by his father, who heaped honours and + riches upon him, which were not sufficient to satisfy his ambitious + views. To exclude his uncle, the Duke of York, from the throne, he + was continually intriguing with the opposers of government, and was + frequently in disgrace with his sovereign. On the accession of + James II. he made an ineffectual attempt to raise a rebellion, was + taken prisoner, and beheaded on Tower-hill, 15th July, 1685. Mr. + Macpherson has drawn his character in the following terms: + “Monmouth, highly beloved by the populace, was a fit instrument to + carry forward his (i.e. Shaftesbury’s) designs. To a gracefulness + which prejudiced mankind in his favour as soon as seen, he joined an + affability which gained their love. Constant in his friendships, + and just to his word, by nature tender, and an utter enemy to + severity and cruelty, active and vigorous in his constitution, he + excelled in the manly exercises of the field. He was personally + brave. He loved the pomp and the very dangers of war. But with + these splendid qualities, he was vain to a degree of folly, + versatile in his measures, weak in his understanding. He was + ambitious without dignity, busy without consequence, attempting ever + to be artful, but always a fool. Thus, taking the applause of the + multitude for a certain mark of merit, he was the dupe of his own + vanity, and owed all his misfortunes to that weakness.”--History of + England, vol. i., chap. iii.] + +His entrance upon the stage of the world was so brilliant, his ambition +had occasioned so many considerable events, and the particulars of his +tragical end are so recent, that it were needless to produce any other +traits to give a sketch of his character. By the whole tenor of his +life, he appeared to be rash in his undertakings, irresolute in the +execution, and dejected in his misfortunes, in which, at least, an +undaunted resolution ought to equal the greatness of the attempt. + +His figure and the exterior graces of his person were such, that nature +perhaps never formed anything more complete: His face was extremely +handsome; and yet it was a manly face, neither inanimate nor effeminate; +each feature having its beauty and peculiar delicacy: He had a wonderful +genius for every sort of exercise, an engaging aspect, and an air of +grandeur: in a word, he possessed every personal advantage; but then he +was greatly deficient in mental accomplishments. He had no sentiments +but such as others inspired him with; and those who first insinuated +themselves into his friendship, took care to inspire him with none but +such as were pernicious. The astonishing beauty of his outward form +caused universal admiration: those who before were looked upon as +handsome were now entirely forgotten at court: and all the gay and +beautiful of the fair sex were at his devotion. He was particularly +beloved by the king; but the universal terror of husbands and lovers. +This, however, did not long continue; for nature not having endowed him +with qualifications to secure the possession of the heart, the fair sex +soon perceived the defect. + +The Duchess of Cleveland was out of humour with the king, because +the children she had by his majesty were like so many little puppets, +compared to this new Adonis. She was the more particularly hurt, as she +might have boasted of being the queen of love, in comparison with the +duke’s mother. + +The king, however, laughed at her reproaches, as, for some time, she had +certainly no right to make any; and, as this piece of jealousy appeared +to be more ill-founded than any she had formerly affected, no person +approved of her ridiculous resentment. Not succeeding in this, she +formed another scheme to give the king uneasiness: Instead of opposing +his extreme tenderness for his son, she pretended to adopt him, in her +affection, by a thousand commendations and caresses, which she was +daily and continually increasing. As these endearments were public, she +imagined they could not be suspected; but she was too well known for her +real design to be mistaken. The king was no longer jealous of her; +but, as the Duke of Monmouth was of an age not to be insensible to the +attractions of a woman possessing so many charms, he thought it proper +to withdraw him from this pretended mother-in-law, to preserve his +innocence, or at least his fame, uncontaminated: it was for this reason, +therefore, that the king married him so young. An heiress of five +thousand pounds a-year in Scotland, offered very a-propos: her person +was full of charms, and her mind possessed all those perfections in +which the handsome Monmouth was deficient. + + [This was Lady Anne Scott, daughter and sole heir of Francis, Earl + of Buccleugh, only son and heir of Walter, Lord Scott, created Earl + of Buccleugh in 1619. On their marriage the duke took the surname + of Scott, and he and his lady were created Duke and Duchess of + Buccleugh, Earl and Countess of Dalkeith, Baron and Baroness of + Whitchester and Ashdale in Scotland, by letters patent, dated April + 20th, 1673. Also, two days after he was installed at Windsor, the + king and queen, the Duke of York, and most of the court being + present. The next day, being St. George’s day, his majesty + solemnized it with a royal feast, and entertained the knights + companions in St. George’s hall in the castle of Windsor. Though + there were several children of this marriage, it does not appear to + have been a happy one; the duke, without concealment attaching + himself to Lady Harriet Wentworth, whom, with his dying breath, he + declared he considered as his only wife in the sight of God. The + duchess, in May, 1688, took to her second husband Charles, Lord + Cornwallis. She died Feb. 6, 1731-32, in the 81st year of her age, + and was buried at Dalkeith in Scotland. Our author is not more + correct about figures than he avows himself to be in the arrangement + of facts and dates: the duchess’s fortune was much greater than he + has stated it to have been.] + +New festivals and entertainments celebrated this marriage. The most +effectual method to pay court to the king, was to outshine the rest in +brilliancy and grandeur; and whilst these rejoicings brought forward +all manner of gallantry and magnificence, they either revived old, or +established new amours. + +The fair Stewart, then in the meridian of her glory, attracted all eyes, +and commanded universal respect and admiration. The Duchess of Cleveland +endeavoured to eclipse her at this fate, by a load of jewels, and by all +the artificial ornaments of dress; but it was in vain: her face looked +rather thin and pale, from the commencement of a third or fourth +pregnancy, which the king was still pleased to place to his own +account; and, as for the rest, her person could in no respect stand in +competition with the grace and beauty of Miss Stewart. + +It was during this last effort of her charms, that she would have been +queen of England, had the king been as free to give his hand as he +was to surrender his heart: for it was at this time that the Duke of +Richmond took it into his head either to marry her, or to die in the +attempt. + +A few months after the celebration of the Duke of Monmouth’s nuptials, +Killegrew, having nothing better to do; fell in love with Lady +Shrewsbury; and, as Lady Shrewsbury, by a very extraordinary chance, +had no engagement at that time, their amour was soon established. No one +thought of interrupting an intimacy which did not concern any one; but +Killegrew thought proper to disturb it himself. Not that his happiness +fell short of his expectation, nor did possession put him out of love +with a situation so enviable; but he was amazed that he was not envied, +and offended that his good fortune raised him no rivals. + +He possessed a great deal of wit, and still more eloquence, which most +particularly displayed itself when he was a little elevated with +the juice of the grape: he then indulged himself in giving luxurious +descriptions of Lady Shrewsbury’s most secret charms and beauties, which +above half the court were as well acquainted with as himself. + +The Duke of Buckingham was one of those who could only judge from +outward appearances: and appearances, in his opinion, did not seem to +promise any thing so exquisite as the extravagant praises of Killegrew +would infer. As this indiscreet lover was a frequent guest at the Duke +of Buckingham’s table, he was continually employing his rhetoric on +this subject, and he had full opportunity for his harangues; for they +generally sat down to dinner at four o’clock, and only rose just in time +for the play in the evening. + +The Duke of Buckingham, whose ears were continually deafened with +descriptions of Lady Shrewsbury’s merits, resolved at last to examine +into the truth of the matter himself. As soon as he had made the +experiment, he was satisfied; and, though he fancied that fame did not +exceed the truth, yet this intrigue began in such a manner, that it +was generally believed its duration would be short, considering, the +fickleness of both parties, and the vivacity with which they had engaged +in it: nevertheless, no amour in England ever continued so long. + +The imprudent Killegrew, who could not be satisfied without rivals, was +obliged, in the end, to be satisfied without a mistress. This he bore +very impatiently; but so far was Lady Shrewsbury from hearkening to, or +affording any redress for the grievances at first complained of, that +she pretended even not to know him. His spirit could not brook such +treatment; and without ever considering that he was the author of +his own disgrace, he let loose all his abusive eloquence against her +ladyship: he attacked her with the most bitter invectives from head to +foot: he drew a frightful picture of her conduct; and turned all her +personal charms, which he used to extol, into defects. He was privately +warned of the inconveniences to which these declamations might subject +him, but despised the advice, and, persisting, he soon had reason to +repent it. + +As he was returning one evening from the Duke of York’s apartments at +St. James’s, three passes with a sword were made at him through his +chair, one of which went entirely through his arm. Upon this, he was +sensible of the danger to which his intemperate tongue had exposed him, +over and above the loss of his mistress. The assassins made their escape +across the Park, not doubting but they had dispatched him. + +Killegrew thought that all complaints would be useless; for what redress +from justice could he expect for an attempt of which his wounds were +his only evidence? And, besides, he was convinced that if he began +a prosecution founded upon appearances and conjectures, the parties +concerned would take the shortest and most effectual means to put a stop +to all inquiries upon the subject, and that their second attempt would +not prove ineffectual. Being desirous, therefore, of deserving mercy +from those who had endeavoured to assassinate him, he no longer +continued his satires, and said not a word of the adventure. The Duke of +Buckingham and Lady Shrewsbury remained for a long period both happy and +contented. Never before had her constancy been of so long a duration; +nor had he ever been so submissive and respectful a lover. + +This continued until Lord Shrewsbury, who never before had shown the +least uneasiness at his lady’s misconduct, thought proper to resent +this: it was public enough, indeed, but less dishonourable to her than +any of her former intrigues. Poor Lord Shrewsbury, too polite a man to +make any reproaches to his wife, was resolved to have redress for his +injured honour: he accordingly challenged the Duke of Buckingham; and +the Duke of Buckingham, as a reparation for his honour, having killed +him upon the spot, remained a peaceable possessor of this famous Helen. +The public was at first shocked at the transaction; but the public grows +familiar with everything by habit, and by degrees both decency, and even +virtue itself, are rendered tame, and overcome. The queen was at the +head of those who exclaimed against so public and scandalous a crime, +and against the impunity of such a wicked act. As the Duchess of +Buckingham was a short fat body, like her majesty, who never had had any +children, and whom her husband had abandoned for another; this sort of +parallel in their situations interested the queen in her favour; but +it was all in vain: no person paid any attention to them; the +licentiousness of the age went on uncontrolled, though the queen +endeavoured to raise up the serious part of the nation, the politicians +and devotees, as enemies against it. + +The fate of this princess was in many cases truly melancholy: The king, +indeed, paid her every outward attention; but that was all: She easily +perceived that the respect he entertained for her daily diminished, in +proportion as the credit of her rivals increased: She saw that the king +her husband was now totally indifferent about legitimate children, since +his all-charming mistresses bore him others. As all the happiness of her +life depended upon that blessing, and as she flattered herself that the +king would prove kinder to her if Heaven would vouchsafe to grant +her desires, she had recourse to all the celebrated secrets against +sterility: pious vows, nine days’ prayers, and offerings having been +tried in all manners, but all to no purpose, she was at last obliged to +return to natural means. + +What would she have given on this occasion for the ring which Archbishop +Turpin wore on his finger, and which made Charlemagne run after him, in +the same manner as it had made him run after one of his concubines, from +whose finger Turpin had taken it after her death! But it is now many +years since the only talismans for creating love are the charms of +the person beloved, and foreign enchantments have been looked upon as +ineffectual. The queen’s physicians, men of great prudence, sagacity, +and wisdom, as they always are, having duly weighed and considered that +the cold waters of Tunbridge had not succeeded in the preceding year, +concluded that it would be advisable for her to try the warm baths at +Bristol--[Probably Bath, D.W.]--This journey was therefore fixed for +the next season; and in the confidence of its proving effectual, this +excursion would have afforded her much pleasure, if the most dangerous +of her rivals had not been one of the first that was appointed to attend +the court. The Duchess of Cleveland being then near her time, there was +no uneasiness on her account: the common rules of decency required a +little attention. The public, it is true, was not either more or less +acquainted with the circumstances of her situation; by the care which +she now took to conceal it; but her appearing at court in her present +condition would have been too great an insult to the queen. Miss +Stewart, more handsome than ever, was appointed for this excursion, and +began to make magnificent preparations. The poor queen durst say nothing +against it; but all hopes of success immediately forsook her. What could +the baths, or the feeble virtue of the waters, perform against charms +that entirely counteracted their effects, either through the grief +and uneasiness they occasioned her, or by their still more powerful +consequences? + +The Chevalier de Grammont, to whom all pleasures were insipid without +the presence of Miss Hamilton, was yet unable to excuse himself from +attending the court: the king delighted too much in his sprightly +conversation to leave him behind; and however pleasing his company might +have been in the solitude occasioned by the absence of the court, Miss +Hamilton did not think it right to accept his offer of staying in town, +because she was obliged to remain there: she, however, granted him the +permission of writing her an account of any news that might occur upon +the journey. He failed not to make use of this permission, in such a +manner as one may imagine: and his own concerns took up so much space +in his letters, that there was very little room left for other subjects +during his stay at the baths. As absence from the object of his +affections rendered this place insupportable, he engaged in everything +that might dissipate his impatience, until the happy moment of return +arrived. + +He had a great esteem for the elder of the Hamiltons; no less esteem, +and far more friendship for his brother, whom he made the confidant +of his passion and attachment for his sister. The Chevalier was also +acquainted with his first engagements with his cousin Wetenhall; but +being ignorant of the coldness that had interrupted a commerce so brisk +in its commencement, he was surprised at the eagerness he showed upon +all occasions to please Miss Stewart: his assiduity appeared to the +Chevalier de Grammont to exceed those civilities and attentions that +are usually paid for the purpose of making court to the favourites of +princes. He observed him more strictly, and soon perceived that he was +deeper in love with her than was consistent either with his fortune +or his repose. As soon as the remarks he made had confirmed him in +his suspicions, he resolved to use his endeavours to prevent the +consequences of an engagement pernicious in every respect: but he waited +for a proper opportunity of speaking to him upon the subject. + +In the mean time, the court enjoyed every kind of diversion, in a place +where amusement is sought with avidity. The game of bowls, which in +France is the pastime of mechanics and servants only, is quite the +contrary in England, where it is the exercise of gentlemen, and requires +both art and address: it is only in use during the fair and dry part of +the season, and the places where it is practised are charming, delicious +walks, called bowling-greens, which are little square grass plots, where +the turf is almost as smooth and level as the cloth of a billiard-table. +As soon as the heat of the day is over, all the company assemble there: +they play deep; and spectators are at liberty to make what bets they +please. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, long before initiated in the English games +and diversions, had been engaged in a horse-race, in which he was +indeed unsuccessful; but he had the satisfaction of being convinced by +experience, that an English horse can go twenty miles upon the high road +in less than an hour. He was more fortunate at cock-fighting; and in the +bets he made at the bowling-green, the party he betted upon never failed +to win. + +Near all these places of diversion there is usually a sort of inn, or +house of entertainment, with a bower or arbour, in which are sold all +sorts of English liquors, such as cider, mead, bottled beer, and Spanish +wines. Here the rooks meet every evening to drink, smoke, and to try +their skill upon each other, or, in other words, to endeavour to trick +one another out of the winnings of the day. These rooks are, properly +speaking, what we call capons or piqueurs, in France; men who always +carry money about them, to enable them to lend to losing gamesters, for +which they receive a gratification, which is nothing for such as play +deep, as it is only two per cent., and the money to be repaid the next +day. + +These gentlemen are so nice in their calculations, and so particularly +skilful in all manner of games, that no person would dare to enter the +lists with them, were they even assured that no unfairness would be +practised. Besides, they make a vow, to win four or five guineas a day, +and to be satisfied with that gain; a vow which they seldom or never +break. + +It was in the midst of a company of these rooks, that Hamilton found the +Chevalier de Grammont, when he called in one evening to get a glass +of cider. They were playing at hazard; and as he who holds the dice is +supposed to have the advantage, the rooks did the Chevalier de Grammont +that honour out of compliment: he had the dice in his hand when Hamilton +came into the room. The rooks, secure of their odds, were betting +against him at a high rate, and he took all. + +Hamilton could hardly believe his eyes, to see a man of his experience +and knowledge engaged in so unequal a contest; but it was to no purpose +that he informed him of his danger, both aloud in French, and in private +by signs; he still disregarded his warnings, and the dice, that bore +Caesar and his fortunes, performed a miracle in his favour. The rooks +were defeated for the first time, but not without bestowing upon him all +the encomiums and praises of being a very fair and honourable player, +which they never fail to lavish upon those whom they wish to engage +a second time; but all their commendations were lost, and their hopes +deceived: the Chevalier was satisfied with the first experiment. + +Hamilton, when the king was at supper, related to him how he found the +Chevalier de Grammont rashly engaged with the rooks, and in what manner +he had been providentially preserved. “Indeed, Sir,” said the Chevalier +de Grammont, “the rooks were discomfited for once;” and thereupon +related the adventure to his majesty in his usual way, attracting the +attention of all the company, to a circumstance trifling in itself, but +rendered interesting by his humour. + +After supper, Miss Stewart, in whose apartment there was play, called +Hamilton to her to tell the story. The Chevalier de Grammont, perceiving +that she attended to him with pleasure, was fully confirmed in the truth +of his first conjectures; and, having carried Hamilton home with him to +supper, they began to discourse freely together as usual, “George,” said +the Chevalier de Grammont, “are you in any want of money? I know you +love play: perhaps it may not be so favourable to you as it is to me. We +are at a great distance from London. Here are two hundred guineas: +take them, I beseech you; they will do to play with at Miss Stewart’s.” + Hamilton, who little expected this conclusion, was rather disconcerted. +“How! at Miss Stewart’s!” “Yes, in her apartments. Friend George,” + continued the Chevalier de Grammont, “I have not yet lost my eyes: you +are in love with her, and, if I am not mistaken, she is not offended at +it; but tell me how you could resolve to banish poor Wetenhall from your +heart, and suffer yourself to be infatuated with a girl, who perhaps +after all is not worth the other, and who besides, whatever favourable +dispositions she may have for you, will undoubtedly in the end prove +your ruin. Faith, your brother and you are two pretty fellows, in your +choice. What! can you find no other beauties in all the court to fall in +love with, except the king’s two mistresses! As for the elder brother, +I can pardon him he only took Lady Castlemaine after his master had done +with her, and after Lady Chesterfield had discarded him; but, as for +you, what the devil do you intend to do with a creature, on whom the +king seems every day to dote with increasing fondness? Is it because +that drunken sot Richmond has again come forward, and now declares +himself one of her professed admirers? You will soon see what he will +make by it: I have not forgotten what the king said to me upon the +subject. ‘Believe me, my dear friend, there is no playing tricks with +our masters; I mean, there is no ogling their mistresses.’ I myself +wanted to play the agreeable in France with a little coquette, whom +the king did not care about, and you know how dearly I paid for it. I +confess she gives you fair play, but do not trust to her. All the sex +feel an unspeakable satisfaction at having men in their train, whom they +care not for, and to use them as their slaves of state, merely to swell +their equipage. Would it not be a great deal better to pass a week or +ten days incognito at Peckham, with the philosopher Wetenhall’s wife, +than to have it inserted in the Dutch Gazette.--We hear from Bristol, +that such a one is banished the court on account of Miss Stewart, and +that he is going to make a campaign in Guinea on board the fleet that is +fitting out for the expedition, under the command of Prince Rupert.” + +Hamilton, who was the more convinced of the truth of this discourse, the +more he considered it, after musing some time, appeared to wake from a +dream, and addressing himself with an air of gratitude to the Chevalier +de Grammont: “Of all the men in the world, my dear friend,” said he, +“you have the most agreeable wit, and at the same time the clearest +judgment with respect to your friends: what you have told me has opened +my eyes. I began to suffer myself to be seduced by the most ridiculous +illusion imaginable, and to be hurried away rather by frivolous +appearances than any real inclination: to you I owe the obligation of +having preserved me from destruction at the very brink of a precipice. +This is not the only kindness you have done me, your favours have been +innumerable; and, as a proof of my gratitude for this last, I will +follow your advice, and go into retirement at my cousin Wetenhall’s, +to eradicate from my recollection every trace of those chimeras which +lately possessed my brain; but so far from going thither incognito, I +will take you along with me, as soon as the court returns to London. +My sister shall likewise be of the party; for it is prudent to use +all precautions with a man who, with a great deal of merit, on such +occasions is not over scrupulous, if we may credit your philosopher.” + “Do not pay any attention to that pedant,” replied the Chevalier de +Grammont: “but tell me what put it into your head to form a design upon +that inanimate statue, Miss Stewart?” “How the devil should I know?” + said Hamilton: “you are acquainted with all her childish amusements. The +old Lord Carlingford was at her apartment one evening, showing her +how to hold a lighted wax candle in her mouth, and the grand secret +consisted in keeping the burning end there a long time without its being +extinguished. I have, thank God, a pretty large mouth, and, in order to +out-do her teacher, I took two candles into my mouth at the same time, +and walked three times round the room without their going out. Every +person present adjudged me the prize of this illustrious experiment, +and Killegrew maintained that nothing but a lanthorn could stand in +competition with me. Upon this she was like to die with laughing; +and thus was I admitted into the familiarity of her amusements. It is +impossible to deny her being one of the most charming creatures that +ever was: since the court has been in the country, I have had an hundred +opportunities of seeing her, which I had not before. You know that the +dishabille of the bath is a great convenience for those ladies, who, +strictly adhering to all the rules of decorum, are yet desirous to +display all their charms and attractions. Miss Stewart is so fully +acquainted with the advantages she possesses over all other women, that +it is hardly possible to praise any lady at court for a well-turned +arm, and a fine leg, but she is ever ready to dispute the point by +demonstration; and I really believe, that, with a little address, +it would not be difficult to induce her to strip naked, without ever +reflecting upon what she was doing. After all, a man must be very +insensible to remain unconcerned and unmoved on such happy occasions; +and, besides, the good opinion we entertain of ourselves is apt to make +us think a woman is smitten, as soon as she distinguishes us by habitual +familiarity, which most commonly signifies nothing. This is the truth of +the matter with respect to myself: my own presumption, her beauty, the +brilliant station that sets it off, and a thousand kind things she had +said to me, prevented me from making serious reflections; but then, as +some excuse for my folly, I must likewise tell you, that the facility +I found in making her the tenderest declarations by commending her, and +her telling me in confidence a thousand things which she ought not to +have entrusted me with, might have deceived or infatuated any other man +as well as myself. + +“I presented her with one of the prettiest horses in England. You know +what peculiar grace and elegance distinguish her on horseback. The king, +who, of all the diversions of the chase, likes none but hawking, because +it is the most convenient for the ladies, went out the other day to take +this amusement, attended by all the beauties of his court. His majesty +having galloped after a falcon, and the whole bright squadron after him, +the rustling of Miss Stewart’s petticoats frightened her horse, which +was at full speed, endeavouring to come up with mine, that had been his +companion; so that I was the only witness of a disorder in her clothes, +which displayed a thousand new beauties to my view. I had the good +fortune to make such gallant and flattering exclamations upon +that charming disorder as to prevent her being concerned or out of +countenance upon it: on the contrary, this subject of my admiration has +been frequently since the subject of our conversation, and did not seem +to displease her. + +“Old Lord Carlingford, and that mad fellow, Crofts (for I must now make +you my general confession), those insipid buffoons, were frequently +telling her some diverting stories, which passed pretty well with the +help of a few old threadbare jests, or some apish tricks in the recital, +which made her laugh heartily. As for myself, who know no stories, and +do not possess the talent of improving them by telling, if I did know +any, I was often greatly embarrassed when she desired me to tell her +one: ‘I do not know one, indeed,’ said I, one day, when she was teazing +me on the subject. ‘Invent one, then,’ said she. ‘That would be still +more difficult,’ replied I; ‘but if you will give me leave, madam, I +will relate to you a very extraordinary dream, which has, however, less +appearance of truth in it than dreams generally have.’ This excited her +curiosity, which would brook no denial. I therefore began to tell +her that the most beautiful creature in the world, whom I loved to +distraction, paid me a visit in my sleep. I then drew her own portrait, +with a rapturous description of all her beauties; adding, that this +goddess, who came to visit me with the most favourable intentions, did +not counteract them by any unreasonable cruelty. This was not sufficient +to satisfy Miss Stewart’s curiosity: I was obliged to relate every +particular circumstance of the kindness I experienced from this delicate +phantom; to which she was so very attentive, that she never once +appeared surprised or disconcerted at the luscious tale. On the +contrary, she made me repeat the description of the beauty, which I drew +as near as possible after her own person, and after such charms as I +imagined of beauties that were unknown to me. + +“This is, in fact, the very thing that had almost deprived me of +my senses: she knew very well that she herself was the person I was +describing: we were alone, as you may imagine, when I told her this +story; and my eyes did their utmost to persuade her that it was herself +whom I drew. I perceived that she was not in the least offended at +knowing this; nor was her modesty in the least alarmed at the relation +of a fiction, which I might have concluded in a manner still less +discreet, if I had thought proper. This patient audience made me plunge +headlong into the ocean of flattering ideas that presented themselves +to my imagination. I then no longer thought of the king, nor how +passionately fond he was of her, nor of the dangers attendant upon such +an engagement: in short, I know not what the devil I was thinking of; +but I am very certain that, if you had not been thinking for me, I might +have found my ruin in the midst of these distracted visions.” + +Not long after, the court returned to London; and from that time, some +malevolent star having gained the ascendant, every thing went cross in +the empire of Love: vexation, suspicions, or jealousies, first entered +the field, to set all hearts at variance; next, false reports, slander, +and disputes, completed the ruin of all. + +The Duchess of Cleveland had been brought to bed while the court was at +Bristol; and never before had she recovered from her lying-in with such +a profusion of charms. This made her believe that she was in a proper +state to retrieve her ancient rights over the king’s heart, if she had +an opportunity of appearing before him with this increased splendour. +Her friends being of the same opinion, her equipage was prepared for +this expedition; but the very evening before the day she had fixed on to +set out, she saw young Churchill, and was at once seized with a disease, +which had more than once opposed her projects, and which she could never +completely get the better of. + + [Churchill--Afterwards the celebrated Duke of Marlborough. He was + born midsummer-day, 1650, and died June 16, 1722. Bishop Burnet + takes notice of the discovery of this intrigue. “The Duchess of + Cleveland finding that she had lost the king, abandoned herself to + great disorders; one of which, by the artifice of the Duke of + Buckingham, was discovered by the king in person, the party + concerned leaping out of the window.”--History of his own Times, + vol. i. p. 370. This was in 1668. A very particular account of + this intrigue is to be seen in the Atalantis of Mrs. Manley, vol. + i., p. 30. The same writer, who had lived as companion to the + Duchess of Cleveland, says, in the account of her own life, that she + was an eye-witness when the duke, who had received thousands from + the duchess, refused the common civility of lending her twenty + guineas at basset.--The history of Rivella, 4th ed. 1725, p. 33. + Lord Chesterfield’s character of this noblemen is too remarkable to + be omitted. + + “Of all the men that ever I knew in my life, (and I knew him + extremely well,) the late Duke of Marlborough possessed the graces + in the highest degree, not to say engrossed them: and indeed he got + the most by them! for I will venture, (contrary to the custom of + profound historians, who always assign deep causes to great events,) + to ascribe the better half of the Duke of Marlborough’s greatness + and riches to those graces. He was eminently illiterate, wrote bad + English, and spelled it still worse. He had no share of what is + commonly called parts; that is, he had no brightness, nothing + shining in his genius. He had, most undoubtedly, an excellent good + plain understanding, with sound judgment. But these alone would + probably have raised him but something higher than they found him, + which was page to King James II.’s queen. There the graces + protected and promoted him; for while he was an ensign of the + guards, the Duchess of Cleveland, then favourite mistress to King + Charles II., struck by those very graces, gave him five thousand + pounds; with which he immediately bought an annuity for his life, of + five hundred pounds a-year, of my grandfather, Halifax; which was + the foundation of his subsequent fortune. His figure was beautiful; + but his manner was irresistible by either man or woman. It was by + this engaging, graceful manner, that he was enabled, during all his + wars, to connect the various and jarring powers of the grand + alliance, and to carry them on to the main object of the war, + notwithstanding their private and separate views, jealousies, and + wrong-headednesses. Whatever court he went to, (and he was often + obliged to go himself to some restive and refractory ones,) he as + constantly prevailed, and brought them into his measures. The + pensionary Heinsius, a venerable old minister, grown grey in + business, and who had governed the republic of the United Provinces + for more than forty years, was absolutely governed by the Duke of + Marlborough, as that republic feels to this day. He was always + cool; and nobody ever observed the least variation in his + countenance. He could refuse more gracefully than other people + could grant; and those who went away from him the most dissatisfied, + as to the substance of their business, were yet personally charmed + with him, and, in some degree, comforted by his manner. With all + his gracefulness, no man living was more conscious of his situation, + or maintained his dignity better.”--Chest. Letters, letter 136.] + +A man who, from an ensign in the guards, was raised to such a fortune, +must certainly possess an uncommon share of prudence, not to be +intoxicated with his happiness. Churchill boasted in all places of +the new favour he had received: the Duchess of Cleveland, who neither +recommended to him circumspection in his behaviour, nor in his +conversation, did not seem to be in the least concerned at his +indiscretion. Thus this intrigue was become a general topic in all +companies, when the court arrived in London, and occasioned an immense +number of speculations and reasonings: some said she had already +presented him with Jermyn’s pension, and Jacob Hall’s salary, because +the merits and qualifications of both were united in his person: others +maintained that he had too indolent an air, and too delicate a shape, +long to maintain himself in her favour; but all agreed that a man who +was the favourite of the king’s mistress, and brother to the duke’s +favourite, was in a fair way of preferment, and could not fail to make +his fortune. As a proof, the Duke of York soon after gave him a place in +his household: this was naturally to be expected; but the king, who +did not think that Lady Cleveland’s kindness to him was a sufficient +recommendation to his favour, thought proper to forbid him the court. + +This good-natured king began now to be rather peevish: nor was it +altogether without reason: he disturbed no person in their amours, and +yet others had often the presumption to encroach upon his. Lord Dorset, +first lord of the bed-chamber, had lately debauched from his service +Nell Gwyn, the actress. Lady Cleveland, whom he now no longer regarded, +continued to disgrace him by repeated infidelities with unworthy rivals, +and almost ruined him by the immense sums she lavished on her gallants; +but that which most sensibly affected him, was the late coldness +and threats of Miss Stewart. He long since had offered her all the +settlements and all the titles she could desire, until he had an +opportunity more effectually to provide for her, which she had pretended +only to decline, for fear of the scandal they might occasion, on her +being raised to a rank which would attract the public notice; but since +the return of the court, she had given herself other airs: sometimes +she was for retiring from court, to appease the continual uneasiness her +presence gave the queen: at other times it was to avoid temptations, by +which she wished to insinuate that her innocence was still preserved: +in short, the king’s heart was continually distracted by alarms, or +oppressed by humour and caprice. + +As he could not for his life imagine what Miss Stewart wished him to do, +or what she would be at, he thought upon reforming his establishment +of mistresses, to try whether jealousy was not the real occasion of her +uneasiness. It was for this reason that, after having solemnly declared +he would have nothing more to say to the Duchess of Cleveland, since her +intrigue with Churchill, he discarded, without any exception, all the +other mistresses which he had in various parts of the town. The Nell +Gwyns, the Misses Davis, and the joyous rain of singers and dancers in +his majesty’s theatre, were all dismissed. All these sacrifices were +ineffectual: Miss Stewart continued to torment, and almost to drive the +king to distraction; but his majesty soon after found out the real cause +of this coldness. + +This discovery was owing to the officious Duchess of Cleveland, who, +ever since her disgrace, had railed most bitterly against Miss Stewart +as the cause of it, and against the king’s weakness, who, for an +inanimate idiot, had treated her with so much indignity. As some of her +grace’s creatures were still in the king’s confidence, by their means +she was informed of the king’s uneasiness, and that Miss Stewart’s +behaviour was the occasion of it--and as soon as she had found the +opportunity she had so long wished for, she went directly into the +king’s cabinet, through the apartment of one of his pages called +Chiffinch. This way was not new to her. + +The king was just returned from visiting Miss Stewart, in a very ill +humour: the presence of the Duchess of Cleveland surprised him, and did +not in the least diminish it: she, perceiving this, accosted him in an +ironical tone, and with a smile of indignation. “I hope,” said she, “I +may be allowed to pay you my homage, although the angelic Stewart has +forbid you to see me at my own house. I will not make use of reproaches +and expostulations, which would disgrace myself: still less will I +endeavour to excuse frailties which nothing can justify, since your +constancy for me deprives me of all defence, considering I am the only +person you have honoured with your tenderness, who has made herself +unworthy of it by ill conduct. I come now, therefore, with no other +intent than to comfort and to condole with you upon the affliction and +grief into which the coldness, or new-fashioned chastity of the inhuman +Stewart have reduced your majesty.” These words were attended by a +fit of laughter, as unnatural and strained as it was insulting and +immoderate, which completed the king’s impatience: he had, indeed, +expected that some bitter jest would follow this preamble; but he +did not suppose she would have given herself such blustering airs, +considering the terms they were then upon; and, as he was preparing to +answer her: “be not offended,” said she, “that I take the liberty of +laughing at the gross manner in which you are imposed upon: I cannot +bear to see that such particular affectation should make you the jest of +your own court, and that you should be ridiculed with such impunity. I +know that the affected Stuart has sent you away, under pretence of some +indisposition, or perhaps some scruple of conscience; and I come to +acquaint you that the Duke of Richmond will soon be with her, if he is +not there already. I do not desire you to believe what I say, since it +might be suggested either through resentment or envy: only follow me to +her apartment, either that, no longer trusting calumny and malice, you +may honour her with a just preference, if I accuse her falsely; or, if +my information be true, you may no longer be the dupe of a pretended +prude, who makes you act so unbecoming and ridiculous a part.” + +As she ended this speech, she took him by the hand, while he was yet +undecided, and pulled him away towards her rival’s apartments. Chiffinch +being in her interest, Miss Stewart could have no warning of the visit; +and Babiani, who owed all to the Duchess of Cleveland, and who served +her admirably well upon this occasion, came and told her that the Duke +of Richmond had just gone into Miss Stewart’s chamber. It was in the +middle of a little gallery, which, through a private door, led from the +king’s apartments to those of his mistresses. The Duchess of Cleveland +wished him good night, as he entered her rival’s chamber, and retired, +in order to wait the success of the adventure, of which Babiani, who +attended the king, was charged to come and give her an account. + +It was near midnight: the king, in his way, met his mistress’s +chamber-maids, who respectfully opposed his entrance, and in a very low +voice, whispered his majesty that Miss Stewart had been very ill since +he left her: but that, being gone to bed, she was, God be thanked, in a +very fine sleep. “That I must see,” said the king, pushing her back, who +had posted herself in his way. He found Miss Stewart in bed, indeed, but +far from being asleep: the Duke of Richmond was seated at her pillow, +and in all probability was less inclined to sleep than herself. The +perplexity of the one party, and the rage of the other, were such as may +easily be imagined upon such a surprise. The king, who, of all men, was +one of the most mild and gentle, testified his resentment to the Duke +of Richmond in such terms as he had never before used. The duke was +speechless, and almost petrified: he saw his master and his king justly +irritated. The first transports which rage inspires on such occasions +are dangerous. Miss Stewart, window was very convenient for a sudden +revenge, the Thames flowing close beneath it: he cast his eyes upon it; +and, seeing those of the king more incensed and fired with indignation +than he thought his nature capable of, he made a profound bow, and +retired, without replying a single word to the vast torrent of threats +and menaces that were poured upon him. + +Miss Stewart, having a little recovered from her first surprise, instead +of justifying herself, began to talk in the most extravagant manner, and +said everything that was most capable to inflame the king’s passion and +resentment; that, if she were not allowed to receive visits from a man +of the Duke of Richmond’s rank, who came with honourable intentions, she +was a slave in a free country; that she knew of no engagement that +could prevent her from disposing of her hand as she thought proper; but, +however, if this was not permitted her in his dominions, she did not +believe that there was any power on earth that could hinder her from +going over to France, and throwing herself into a convent, to enjoy +there that tranquillity which was denied her in his court. The king, +sometimes furious with anger, sometimes relenting at her tears, and +sometimes terrified at her menaces, was so greatly agitated, that he +knew not how to answer, either the nicety of a creature who wanted to +act the part of Lucretia under his own eye, or the assurance with which +she had the effrontery to reproach him. In this suspense, love had +almost entirely vanquished all his resentments, and had nearly induced +him to throw himself upon his knees, and entreat pardon for the injury +he had done her, when she desired him to retire, and leave her in +repose, at least for the remainder of that night, without offending +those who had either accompanied him, or conducted him to her +apartments, by a longer visit. This impertinent request provoked and +irritated him to the highest degree: he went out abruptly, vowing never +to see her more, and passed the most restless and uneasy night he had +ever experienced since his restoration. + +The next day the Duke of Richmond received orders to quit the court, and +never more to appear before the king; but it seems he had not waited for +those orders, having set out early that morning for his country seat. + +Miss Stewart, in order to obviate all injurious constructions that might +be put upon the adventure of the preceding night, went and threw herself +at the queen’s feet; where, acting the new part of an innocent +Magdalen, she entreated her majesty’s forgiveness for all the sorrow and +uneasiness she might have already occasioned her. She told her majesty +that a constant and sincere repentance had induced her to contrive all +possible means for retiring from court: that this reason had inclined +her to receive the Duke of Richmond’s addresses, who had courted her +a long time; but since this courtship had caused his disgrace, and had +likewise raised a vast noise and disturbance, which perhaps might be +turned to the prejudice of her reputation, she conjured her Majesty +to take her under her protection, and endeavour to obtain the king’s +permission for her to retire into a convent, to remove at once all those +vexations and troubles her presence had innocently occasioned at court. +All this was accompanied with a proper deluge of tears. + +It is a very agreeable spectacle to see a rival prostrate at our feet, +entreating pardon, and at the same time justifying her conduct. The +queen’s heart not only relented, but she mingled her own tears with +those of Miss Stewart. After having raised her up, and most tenderly +embraced her, she promised her all manner of favour and protection, +either in her marriage, or in any other course she thought fit to +pursue, and parted from her with the firm resolution to exert all her +interest in her support; but, being a person of great judgment, the +reflections which she afterwards made, induced her to change her +opinion! + +She knew that the king’s disposition was not capable of an obstinate +constancy. She therefore judged that absence would cure him, or that a +new engagement would by degrees entirely efface the remembrance of Miss +Stewart, and that, since she could not avoid having a rival, it was more +desirable she should be one who had given such eminent proofs of her +prudence and virtue. Besides, she flattered herself that the king would +ever think himself eternally obliged to her, for having opposed +the retreat and marriage of a girl, whom at that time he loved to +distraction. This fine reasoning determined her conduct. All her +industry was employed in persuading Miss Stewart to abandon her schemes; +and what is most extraordinary in this adventure, is, that, after having +prevailed upon her to think no more either of the Duke of Richmond, or +of a nunnery, she charged herself with the office of reconciling these +two lovers. + +Indeed it would have been a thousand pities if her negotiation had +miscarried but she did not suffer this misfortune; for never were the +king’s addresses so eager and passionate as after this peace, nor ever +better received by the fair Stewart. + +His majesty did not long enjoy the sweets of a reconciliation, which +brought him into the best good humour possible, as we shall see. All +Europe was in a profound peace, since the treaty of the Pyrenees: Spain +flattered herself she should be able to recruit, by means of the new +alliance she had contracted with the most formidable of her neighbours; +but despaired of being able to support the shattered remains of a +declining monarchy, when she considered the age and infirmities of +her prince, or the weakness of his successor: France, on the contrary, +governed by a king indefatigable in business, young, vigilant, and +ambitious of glory, wanted nothing but inclination to aggrandize +herself. + +It was about this time, that the king of France, not willing to disturb +the tranquillity of Europe, was persuaded to alarm the coasts of Africa, +by an attempt, which, if it had even been crowned with success, would +have produced little good; but the king’s fortune, ever faithful to his +glory, has since made it appear, by the miscarriage of the expedition of +Gigeri, that such projects only as were planned by himself were worthy +of his attention. + + [Gigeri is about forty leagues from Algiers. Till the year 1664 the + French had a factory there; but then attempting to build a fort on + the sea-coast, to be a check upon the Arabs, they came down from the + mountains, beat the French out of Gigeri, and demolished their fort. + Sir Richard Fanshaw, in a letter to the deputy governor of Tangier, + dated 2nd December, 1664, N.S., says, “We have certain intelligence + that the French have lost Gigheria, with all they had there, and + their fleet come back, with the loss of one considerable ship upon + the rocks near Marseilles.”--Fanshaw’s Letters, vol. i. p. 347.] + +A short time after, the king of England, having resolved also to explore +the African coasts, fitted out a squadron for an expedition to Guinea, +which was to be commanded by Prince Rupert. Those who, from their own +experience, had some knowledge of the country, related strange and +wonderful stories of the dangers attendant upon this expedition that +they would have to fight not only the inhabitants of Guinea, a hellish +people, whose arrows were poisoned, and who never gave their prisoners +better quarter than to devour them, but that they must likewise endure +heats that were insupportable, and rains that were intolerable, every +drop of which was changed into a serpent: that, if they penetrated +farther into the country, they would be assaulted by monsters a thousand +times more hideous and destructive than all the beasts mentioned in the +Revelations. + +But all these reports were vain and ineffectual: for so far from +striking terror into those who were appointed to go upon this +expedition, it rather acted as an incentive to glory, upon those who +had no manner of business in it. Jermyn appeared among the foremost of +those; and, without reflecting that the pretence of his indisposition +had delayed the conclusion of his marriage with Miss Jennings, he +asked the duke’s permission, and the king’s consent to serve in it as a +volunteer. + +Some time before this, the infatuation which had imposed upon the fair +Jennings in his favour had begun to subside. All that now inclined +her to this match were the advantages of a settlement. The careless +indolence of a lover, who faintly paid his addresses to her, as it were +from custom or habit, disgusted her; and the resolution he had taken, +without consulting her, appeared so ridiculous in him, and so injurious +to herself, that, from that moment, she resolved to think no more +of him. Her eyes being opened by degrees, she saw the fallacy of the +splendour, which had at first deceived her; and the renowned Jermyn was +received according to his real merit when he came to acquaint her with +his heroical project. There appeared so much indifference and ease in +the raillery with which she complimented him upon his voyage, that he +was entirely disconcerted, and so much the more so, as he had prepared +all the arguments he thought capable of consoling her, upon announcing +to her the fatal news of his departure. She told him, “that nothing +could be more glorious for him, who had triumphed over the liberty of so +many persons in Europe, than too and extend his conquests in other parts +of the world; and that she advised him to bring home with him all the +female captives he might make in Africa, in order to replace those +beauties whom his absence would bring to the grave.” + +Jermyn was highly displeased that she should be capable of raillery in +the condition he supposed her reduced to; but he soon perceived she was +in earnest: she told him, that she considered this farewell visit as +his last, and desired him not to think of making her any more before his +departure. + +Thus far everything went well on her side: Jermyn was not only +confounded at having received his discharge in so cavalier a manner; +but this very demonstration of her indifference had revived, and even +redoubled, all the love and affection he had formerly felt for her. +Thus she had both the pleasure of despising him, and of seeing him more +entangled in the chains of love than he had ever been before. This +was not sufficient: she wished still farther, and very unadvisedly, to +strain her resentment. + +Ovid’s Epistles,--[This is the translation of Ovid’s Epistles +published by Mr. Dryden. The second edition of it was printed in +1681.]--translated into English verse by the greatest wits at court, +having lately been published, she wrote a letter from a shepherdess in +despair, addressed to the perfidious Jermyn. She took the epistle +of Ariadne to Theseus for her model. The beginning of this letter +contained, word for word, the complaints and reproaches of that injured +fair to the cruel man by whom she had been abandoned. All this was +properly adapted to the present times and circumstances. It was her +design to have closed this piece with a description of the toils, +perils, and monsters, that awaited him in Guinea, for which he quitted +a tender mistress, who was plunged into the abyss of misery, and was +overwhelmed with grief and despair; but not having had time to finish +it, nor to get that which she had written transcribed, in order to send +it to him under a feigned name, she inconsiderately put this fragment, +written in her own hand, into her pocket, and, still more giddily, +dropped it in the middle of the court. Those who took it up, knowing her +writing, made several copies of it, which were circulated all over the +town; but her former conduct had so well established the reputation +of her virtue, that no person entertained the smallest doubt but the +circumstances were exactly as we have related them. Some time after, the +Guinea expedition was laid aside for reasons that are universally known, +and Miss Jenning’s subsequent proceedings fully justified her letter; +for, notwithstanding all the efforts and attentions Jermyn practised to +regain her affections, she would never more hear of him. + +But he was not the only man who experienced the whimsical fatality, that +seemed to delight in disuniting hearts, in order to engage them soon +after to different objects. One would have imagined that the God of +Love, actuated by some new caprice, had placed his empire under the +dominion of Hymen, and had, at the same time, blind-folded that God, in +order to cross-match most of the lovers whom we have been speaking of’ + +The fair Stewart married the Duke of Richmond; the invincible Jermyn, a +silly country girl; Lord Rochester, a melancholy heiress; the sprightly +Temple, the serious Lyttleton; Talbot, without knowing why or wherefore, +took to wife the languishing Boynton; George Hamilton, under more +favourable auspices, married the lovely Jennings; and the Chevalier de +Grammont, as the reward of a constancy he had never before known, and +which he never afterwards practised, found Hymen and Love united in his +favour, and was at last blessed with the possession of Miss Hamilton. + + [After the deaths of Miss Boynton and of George Hamilton, Talbot + married Miss Jennings, and became afterwards Duke of Tyrconnel.] + + [“The famous Count Grammont was thought to be the original of The + Forced Marriage. This nobleman, during his stay at the court of + England, had made love to Miss Hamilton, but was coming away for + France without bringing matters to a proper conclusion. The young + lady’s brothers pursued him, and came up with him near Dover, in + order to exchange some pistol-shot with him: They called out, ‘Count + Grammont, have you forgot nothing at London?’ ‘Excuse me,’ answered + the Count, guessing their errand, ‘I forgot to marry your sister; so + lead on, and let us finish that affair.’ By the pleasantry of the + answer, this was the same Grammont who commanded at the siege of a + place, the governor of which capitulated after a short defence, and + obtained an easy capitulation. The governor then said to Monsieur + Grammont, I’ll tell you a secret--that the reason of my capitulation + was, because I was in want of powder.’ Monsieur replied, ‘And + secret for secret--the reason of my granting you such an easy + capitulation was, because I was in want of ball.”--Biog. Gallica, + vol. i., p. 202. + + Count Grammont and his lady left England in 1669. King Charles in a + letter to his sister, the Duchess of Orleans, dated 24th October, in + that year, says, “I writt to you yesterday, by the Compte de + Grammont, but I beleeve this letter will come sooner to your handes; + for he goes by the way of Diep, with his wife and family; and now + that I have named her, I cannot chuse but againe desire you to be + kinde to her; for, besides the merrit her family has on both sides, + she is as good a creature as ever lived. I beleeve she will passe + for a handsome woman in France, though she has not yett, since her + lying-inn, recovered that good shape she had before, and I am + affraide never will.”--Dalxymple’s Memoirs, vol. ii. p. 26. + + “The Count de Grammont fell dangerously ill in the year 1696; of + which the king (Louis XIV.) being informed, and knowing, besides, + that he was inclined to libertinism, he was pleased to send the + Marquis of Dangeau to see how he did, and to advise him to think of + God. Hereupon Count de Grammont, turning towards his wife, who had + ever been a very devout lady, told her, Countess, if you don’t look + to it, Dangeau will juggle you out of my conversion. Madame de + l’Enclos having afterwards written to M. de St Evremond that Count + de Grammont was recovered, and turned devout,--I have learned, + answered he to her, with a great deal of pleasure, that Count de + Grammont has recovered his former health, and acquired a new + devotion. Hitherto I have been contented with being a plain honest + man; but I must do something more; and I only wait for your example + to become a devotee. You live in a country where people have + wonderful advantages of saving their souls, there vice is almost as + opposite to the mode as to virtue; sinning passes for ill-breeding, + and shocks decency and good manners, as much as religion, Formerly + it was enough to be wicked; now one must be a scoundrel withal, to + be damned in France. They who have not regard enough for another + life, are led to salvation by the consideration and duties of this.” + --“But there is enough upon a subject in which the conversion of the + Count de Grammont has engaged me: I believe it to be sincere and + honest. It well becomes a man who is not young, to forget he has + been so.”--Life of St. Evremond, by Des Marzeaux, p. 136; and St. + Evremond’s Works, vol. ii. p. 431.] + + + + + PG EDITOR’S BOOKMARKS: + + All day poring over his books, and went to bed soon + Ambition to pass for a wit, only established her tiresome + An affectation of purity of manners + As all fools are who have good memories + Better memory for injuries than for benefits + Better to know nothing at all, than to know too much + Better to partake with another than to have nothing at all + Busy without consequence + By a strange perversion of language, styled, all men of honour + Despising everything which was not like themselves + Devote himself to his studies, than to the duties of matrimony + Duke would see things if he could + Embellish the truth, in order to enhance the wonder + Entreating pardon, and at the same time justifying her conduct + Envy each other those indulgences which themselves refuse + Every thing that is necessary is honourable in politics + Four dozen of patches, at least, and ten ringlets of hair + Good attendants, but understood cheating still better + Great earnestness passed for business + Grew so fat and plump that it was a blessing to see her + Hardly possible for a woman to have less wit, or more beauty + He had no sentiments but such as others inspired him with + He talked eternally, without saying anything + He as little feared the Marquis as he loved him + His mistress given him by his priests for penance + How I must hate you, if I did not love you to distraction + Impenetrable stupidity (passed) for secrecy + Impertinent compliments + Life, in his opinion, was too short to read all sorts of books + Long habit of suffering himself to be robbed by his domestics + Maxim of all jealous husbands + Never felt the pressure of indigence + Not disagreeable, but he had a serious contemplative air + Not that he wanted capacity, but he was too self-sufficient + Obstinate against all other advices + Offended that his good fortune raised him no rivals + One amour is creditable to a lady + Possessed but little raillery, and still less patience + Public is not so easily deceived as some people imagine + Public grows familiar with everything by habit + Reasons of state assume great privileges + Resolved to renounce the church for the salvation of my soul + She just said what she ought, and no more + So weak as to transform your slave into your tyrant + Terrible piece of furniture for the country (educated girl) + The shortest follies are the best + There are men of real merit, or pretenders to it + They can by no means bear the inconstancy of their mistresses + Those who open a book merely to find fault + Very willing to accept, but was tardy in making returns + Wealth was necessary for the conveniencies of a long life + What jealousy fears, and what it always deserves + What a glory would it be to have a Cato for a husband + Would have been criminal even in chastity to spare (her husband) + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Memoirs of Count Grammont, Complete, by +Anthony Hamilton + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COUNT GRAMMONT *** + +***** This file should be named 5416-0.txt or 5416-0.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/5/4/1/5416/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + http://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. diff --git a/5416-0.zip b/5416-0.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..dc98979 --- /dev/null +++ b/5416-0.zip diff --git a/5416-h.zip b/5416-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..bc8be51 --- /dev/null +++ b/5416-h.zip diff --git a/5416-h/5416-h.htm b/5416-h/5416-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b182163 --- /dev/null +++ b/5416-h/5416-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,11289 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + Memoirs of Count Grammont, by Anthony Hamilton + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + <!-- + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + --> +</style> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Memoirs of Count Grammont, Complete, by +Anthony Hamilton + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Memoirs of Count Grammont, Complete + +Author: Anthony Hamilton + +Editor: Sir Walter Scott + + +Release Date: June 22, 2009 [EBook #5416] +Last Updated: August 23, 2016 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COUNT GRAMMONT *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + MEMOIRS OF COUNT GRAMMONT + </h1> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h2> + By Anthony Hamilton + </h2> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h3> + Edited, With Notes, By Sir Walter Scott + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + Contents + </h2> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH OF ANTHONY HAMILTON. </a><br /> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0001"> CHAPTER FIRST. INTRODUCTION </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0002"> CHAPTER SECOND. ARRIVAL OF THE CHEVALIER + GRAMMONT AT THE SIEGE OF TRINO, AND THE LIFE HE LED THERE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0003"> CHAPTER THIRD. EDUCATION AND ADVENTURES OF + THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT BEFORE HIS COMING TO THE SIEGE OF TRINO </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0004"> CHAPTER FOURTH. HIS ARRIVAL AT THE COURT OF + TURIN, AND HOW HE SPENT HIS TIME THERE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0005"> CHAPTER FIFTH. HE RETURNS TO THE COURT OF + FRANCE—HIS ADVENTURES AT THE SIEGE OF ARRAS—HIS REPLY TO + CARDINAL MAZARIN—HE IS BANISHED THE COURT </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0006"> CHAPTER SIXTH. HIS ARRIVAL AT THE ENGLISH + COURT—THE VARIOUS PERSONAGES OF THIS COURT </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0007"> CHAPTER SEVENTH. HE FALLS IN LOVE WITH MISS + HAMILTON—VARIOUS ADVENTURES AT THE BALL IN THE QUEEN’S + DRAWING-ROOM—CURIOUS VOYAGE OF HIS VALET-DE-CHAMBRE TO AND + FROM PARIS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0008"> CHAPTER EIGHTH. FUNNY ADVENTURE OF THE + CHAPLAIN POUSSATIN—THE STORY OF THE SIEGE OF LERIDA—MARRIAGE + OF THE DUKE OF YORK, AND OTHER DETAILS ABOUT THE ENGLISH COURT </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0009"> CHAPTER NINTH. VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT + THE ENGLISH COURT </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0010"> CHAPTER TENTH. OTHER LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE + ENGLISH COURT </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0011"> CHAPTER ELEVENTH. RETURN OF THE CHEVALIER + GRAMMONT TO FRANCE—HE IS SENT BACK TO ENGLAND—VARIOUS + LOVE INTRIGUES AT THIS COURT, AND MARRIAGE OF MOST OF THE HEROES OF + THESE MEMOIRS </a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <h2> + BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH OF ANTHONY HAMILTON. + </h2> + <p> + Anthony Hamilton, the celebrated author of the Grammont Memoirs, much + cannot now be with certainty known. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [For uniformity’s sake the writer of this sketch has followed the + Memoirs in the spelling of this name; but he thinks it necessary to + observe that it should be Gramont, not Grammont.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + The accounts prefixed to the different editions of his works, down to the + year 1805, are very imperfect; in that year a new, and, in general, far + better edition than any of the preceding ones, was published in Paris, to + which a sketch of his life was also added; but it contains rather just + criticisms on his works, than any very novel or satisfactory anecdote + concerning himself. It is not pretended here to gratify literary curiosity + as fully as it ought to be, with regard to this singular and very + ingenious man; some effort, however, may be made to communicate a few more + particulars relative to him, than the public has hitherto, perhaps, been + acquainted with. + </p> + <p> + Anthony Hamilton was of the noble family of that name: Sir George + Hamilton, his father, was a younger son of James, Earl of Abercorn, a + native of Scotland. His mother was daughter of Lord Thurles, and sister to + James, the first Duke of Ormond; his family and connections therefore, on + the maternal side, were entirely Irish. He was, as well as his brothers + and sisters, born in Ireland, it is generally said, about the year 1646; + but there is some reason to imagine that it was three or four years + earlier. The place of his birth, according to the best family accounts, + was Roscrea, in the county of Tipperary, the usual residence of his father + when not engaged by military or public business. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [In September, 1646, Owen O’Neale took Roscrea, and, as Carte says, “put + man, woman, and child to the sword, except Sir George Hamilton’s lady, + sister to the Marquis of Ormond, and some few gentlewomen whom he kept + prisoners.” No family suffered more in those disastrous times than the + house of Ormond. Lady Hamilton died in August, 1680, as appears from an + interesting and affecting letter of her brother, the Duke of Ormond, + dated Carrick, August 25th. He had lost his noble son, Lord Ossory, not + three weeks before.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + It has been always said, that the family migrated to France when Anthony + was an infant; but this is not the fact: “Sir George Hamilton,” says + Carte, “would have accompanied his brother-in-law, the Marquis of Ormond, + to France, in December, 1650: but, as he was receiver-general in Ireland, + he stayed to pass his accounts, which he did to the satisfaction of all + parties, notwithstanding much clamour had been raised against him.” When + that business was settled, he, in the spring of 1651, took Lady Hamilton + and all his family to France, and resided with Lord and Lady Ormond, near + Caen, in Normandy, in great poverty and distress, till the Marchioness of + Ormond, a lady whose mind was as exalted as her birth, went over to + England, and, after much solicitation obtained two thousand pounds a year + from her own and, her husband’s different estates in Ireland. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Hence possibly Voltaire’s mistake in stating that Hamilton was born at + Caen, in his Catalogue des Ecrivains du Siecle de Louis XIV.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + This favour was granted her by Cromwell, who always professed the greatest + respect for her. The Marchioness resided in Ireland, with the younger part + of her family, from 1655 till after the Restoration; while the Marquis of + Ormond continued for a considerable part of that period with his two + sisters, Lady Clancarty and Lady Hamilton, at the Feuillatines, in the + Faubourg St. Jacques, in Paris. + </p> + <p> + It appears from a letter of the Marquis to Sir Robert Southwell, that, + although he himself was educated in the Protestant religion, not only his + father and mother, but all his brothers and sisters, were bred, and always + continued, Roman Catholics. Sir George Hamilton also, according to Carte, + was a Roman Catholic; Anthony, therefore, was bred in the religion of his + family, and conscientiously adhered to it through life. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [That historian states that the king (Charles I.) deprived several + papists of their military commissions, and, among others, Sir George + Hamilton, who, notwithstanding, served him with loyalty and unvarying + fidelity.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + He entered early into the army of Louis XIV., as did his brothers George, + Richard, and John, the former of whom introduced the company of English + gens d’armes into France, in 1667, according to Le Pere Daniel, author of + the History of the French Army, who adds the following short account of + its establishment: Charles II., being restored to his throne, brought over + to England several catholic officers and soldiers, who had served abroad + with him and his brother, the Duke of York, and incorporated them with his + guards; but the parliament having obliged him to dismiss all officers who + were Catholics, the king permitted George Hamilton to take such as were + willing to accompany him to France, where Louis XIV. formed them into a + company of gens d’armes, and being highly pleased with them, became + himself their captain, and made George Hamilton their captain-lieutenant:—[They + were composed of English, Scotch, and Irish.] Whether Anthony belonged to + this corps I know not; but this is certain, that he distinguished himself + particularly in his profession, and was advanced to considerable posts in + the French service. + </p> + <p> + Anthony Hamilton’s residence was now almost constantly in France. Some + years previous to this he had been much in England, and, towards the close + of Charles II.‘s reign, in Ireland, where so many of his connections + remained. When James II. succeeded to the throne, the door being then + opened to the Roman Catholics, he entered into the Irish army, where we + find him, in 1686, a lieutenant-colonel in Sir Thomas Newcomen’s regiment. + That he did not immediately hold a higher rank there, may perhaps be + attributed to the recent accession of the king, his general absence from + Ireland, the advanced age of his uncle, the Duke of Ormond, and, more than + all, perhaps, to his Grace’s early disapprobation of James’s conduct in + Ireland, which displayed itself more fully afterwards, especially in the + ecclesiastical promotions. + </p> + <p> + Henry, Earl of Clarendon, son to the lord-chancellor, was at that time + lord-lieutenant of Ireland, and appears, notwithstanding his general + distrust and dislike of the Catholics, to have held Anthony Hamilton in + much estimation: he speaks of his knowledge of, and constant attention to, + the duties of his profession; his probity, and the dependance that was to + be placed on him, in preference to others of the same religious + persuasion, and, in October, 1686, wrote to the Earl of Sunderland + respecting him, as follows: “I have only this one thing more to trouble + your lordship with at present, concerning Colonel Anthony Hamilton, to get + him a commission to command as colonel, though he is but + lieutenant-colonel to Sir Thomas Newcomen, in regard of the commands he + has had abroad: and I am told it is often done in France, which makes me + hope it will not be counted an unreasonable request. I would likewise + humbly recommend to make Colonel Anthony Hamilton a privy-councillor + here.” Lord Clarendon’s recommendations were ultimately successful: + Hamilton was made a privy-councillor in Ireland, and had a pension of L200 + a year on the Irish establishment; and was appointed governor of Limerick, + in the room of Sir William King, notwithstanding he had strongly opposed + the new-modelling of the army by the furious Tyrconnel. In the brief + accounts which have been given of his life, it is said that he had a + regiment of infantry; but, though this is very probable, there is no + mention whatever of his commanding a regiment in the lists published of + King James’s army, which are supposed to be very accurate: he is indeed + set down among the general officers. Lord Clarendon, in one of his letters + to the lord-treasurer, states, “That the news of the day was, that Colonel + Russell was to be lieutenant-colonel to the Duke of Ormond’s regiment, and + that Colonel Anthony Hamilton was to have Russell’s regiment, and that Mr. + Luttrell was to be lieutenant-colonel to Sir Thomas Newcomen, in the place + of Anthony Hamilton.” It is not known whether Anthony was present at the + battle of the Boyne, or of Aughrim: his brother John was killed at the + latter; and Richard, who was a lieutenant-general, led on the cavalry with + uncommon gallantry and spirit at the Boyne it is to be wished that his + candour and integrity had equalled his courage; but, he acted with great + duplicity; and King William’s contemptuous echoing back his word to him, + when he declared something on his honour, is well known: He is frequently + mentioned by Lord Clarendon, but by no means with the same approbation as + his brother. After the total overthrow of James’s affairs in Ireland, the + two brothers finally quitted these kingdoms, and retired to France. + Richard lived much with the Cardinal de Bouillon, who was the great + protector of the Irish in France, and kept (what must have been indeed + highly consolatory to many an emigrant of condition) a magnificent table, + which has been recorded in the most glowing and grateful terms, by that + gay companion, and celebrated lover of good cheer, Philippe de Coulanges, + who occasionally mentions the “amiable Richard Hamilton” as one of the + cardinal’s particular intimates. Anthony, who was regarded particularly as + a man of letters and elegant talents, resided almost entirely at St. + Germain: solitary walks in the forest of that place occupied his leisure + hours in the morning; and poetical pursuits, or agreeable society, engaged + the evening: but much of his time seems to have rolled heavily along; his + sister, Madame de Grammont, living more at court, or in Paris, than always + suited his inclinations or his convenience. His great resource at St. + Germain was the family of the Duke of Berwick (son of James II.): that + nobleman appears to have been amiable in private life, and his attachment + to Hamilton was steady and sincere. The Duchess of Berwick was also his + friend. It is necessary to mention this lady particularly, as well as her + sisters: they were the daughters of Henry Bulkeley, son to the first + viscount of that name: their father had been master of the household to + Charles: their mother was Lady Sophia Stewart, sister to the beautiful + Duchess of Richmond, so conspicuous in the Grammont Memoirs. The sisters + of the Duchess of Berwick were Charlotte, married to Lord Clare, + Henrietta, and Laura. They all occupy a considerable space in Hamilton’s + correspondence, and the two last are the ladies so often addressed as the + Mademoiselles B.; they are almost the constant subjects of Hamilton’s + verses; and it is recorded that he was a particular admirer of Henrietta + Bulkeley; but their union would have been that of hunger and thirst, for + both were very poor and very illustrious: their junction would, of course, + have militated against every rule of common prudence. To the influence of + this lady, particularly, we are indebted for one or two of Hamilton’s + agreeable novels: she had taste enough to laugh at the extravagant stories + then so much in fashion, “plus arabes qu’en Arabie,” as Hamilton says; and + he, in compliance with her taste, and his own, soon put the fashionable + tales to flight, by the publication of the ‘Quatre Facardins’, and, more + especially, ‘La Fleur d’Epine’. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [They were wretched imitations of some of the Persian and Arabian tales, + in which everything was distorted, and rendered absurd and + preposterous.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + Some of the introductory verses to these productions are written with + peculiar ease and grace; and are highly extolled, and even imitated, by + Voltaire. La Harpe praises the Fleur d’Epine, as the work of an original + genius: I do not think, however, that they are much relished in England, + probably because very ill translated. Another of his literary productions + was the novel called Le Belier, which he wrote on the following occasion: + Louis XIV. had presented to the Countess of Grammont (whom he highly + esteemed) a remarkably elegant small country house in the park of + Versailles: this house became so fashionable a resort, and brought such + constant visitors, that the Count de Grammont said, in his usual way, he + would present the king with a list of all the persons he was obliged to + entertain there, as more suited to his Majesty’s purse than his own: the + countess wished to change the name of the place from the vulgar + appellation of Le Moulineau into that of Pentalie: and Hamilton, in his + novel, wrote a history of a giant, an enchantment, and a princess, to + commemorate her resolution. It has however happened that the giant + Moulineau has had the advantage in the course of time; for the estate, + which is situated near Meudon, upon the Seine, retains its original and + popular designation. + </p> + <p> + About the year 1704, Hamilton turned his attention to collecting the + memoirs of his brother-in-law, the Count de Grammont, as we may + conjecture, from the epistle beginning “Honneur des rives eloignees” being + written towards the close of the above year: it is dated, or supposed to + be so, from the banks of the Garonne. Among other authors whom Hamilton at + first proposes to Grammont, as capable of writing his life (though, on + reflection, he thinks them not suited to it), is Boileau, whose genius he + professes to admire; but adds that his muse has somewhat of malignity; and + that such a muse might caress with one hand and satirize him with the + other. This letter was sent by Hamilton to Boileau, who answered him with + great politeness; but, at the same time that he highly extolled the + epistle to Grammont, he, very naturally, seemed anxious to efface any + impression which such a representation of his satiric vein might make on + the Count’s mind, and accordingly added a few complimentary verses to him: + this letter is dated, Paris, 8th February, 1705. About the same time, + another letter was written to Hamilton on the subject of the Epistle to + Grammont, by La Chapelle, who also seemed desirous that his life should be + given to the public, but was much perplexed which of the most celebrated + ancients to compare the count to. Mecaenas first presented himself to his + imagination: absurdly enough, in my opinion; for there was not a trace of + similitude between the two characters. This, however, afforded him some + opportunity, as he thought, of discovering a resemblance between Horace + and Hamilton, in which he equally failed. Petronius is then brought + forward, as affording some comparison to the Count;—a man of + pleasure, giving up the day to sleep, and the night to entertainment; but + then, adds La Chapelle, it will be suggested that, such is the perpetual + activity of the Count of Grammont’s mind, he may be said to sleep neither + night nor day; and if Petronius died, the Count seems determined never to + die at all. (He was at this time about eighty-five years of age.) It may + well be supposed that all this, though now perfectly vapid and + uninteresting, was extremely flattering to Grammont; and the result was, + that he very much wished to have his life, or part of it, at least, given + to the public. Hamilton, who had been so long connected with him, and with + whose agreeable talents he was now so familiarized, was, on every account, + singled out by him as the person who could best introduce him historically + to the public. It is ridiculous to mention Grammont as the author of his + own Memoirs: his excellence, as a man of wit, was entirely limited to + conversation. Bussy Rabutin, who knew him perfectly, states that he wrote + almost worse than any one. If this was said, and very truly, of him in his + early days, it can hardly be imagined that he would, when between eighty + and ninety years of age, commence a regular, and, in point of style, most + finished composition. Besides, independent of everything else, what man + would so outrage all decorum as to call himself the admiration of the age? + for so is Grammont extolled in the Memoirs, with a variety of other + encomiastic expressions; although, perhaps, such vanity has not been + without example. Hamilton, it is true, says that he acts as Grammont’s + secretary, and only holds the pen, whilst the Count dictates to him such + particulars of his life as were the most singular, and least known. This + is said with great modesty, and, as to part of the work, perhaps with + great truth: it requires, however, some explanation. Grammont was more + than twenty years older than Hamilton; consequently, the earlier part of + his life could only have been known, or was best known, to the latter from + repeated conversations, and the long intimacy which subsisted between + them. Whether Grammont formally dictated the events of his younger days, + or not, is of little consequence from his general character, it is + probable that he did not. However, the whole account of such adventures as + he was engaged in, from his leaving home to his interview with Cardinal + Mazarin (excepting the character of Monsieur de Senantes, and Matta, who + was well known to Hamilton), the relation of the siege of Lerida, the + description of Gregorio Brice, and the inimitable discovery of his own + magnificent suit of clothes on the ridiculous bridegroom at Abbeville; all + such particulars must have been again and again repeated to Hamilton by + Grammont, and may therefore be fairly grounded on the count’s authority. + The characters of the court of Charles II., and its history, are to be + ascribed to Hamilton: from his residence, at various times, in the court + of London, his connection with the Ormond family, not to mention others, + he must have been well acquainted with them. Lady Chesterfield, who may be + regarded almost as the heroine of the work, was his cousin-german. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [She was born at the castle of Kilkenny, July, 1640, as appears from + Carte’s life of her father, the Duke of Ormond.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + But, although the history altogether was written by Hamilton, it may not + perhaps be known to every reader that Grammont himself sold the manuscript + for fifteen hundred livres; and when it was brought to Fontenelle, then + censor of the press, he refused to license it, from respect to the + character of the Count, which, he thought, was represented as that of a + gambler, and an unprincipled one too. In fact, Grammont, like many an old + gentleman, seems to have recollected the gaieties of his youth with more + complaisance than was necessary, and has drawn them in pretty strong + colours in that part of the work which is more particularly his own. He + laughed at poor Fontenelle’s scruples, and complained to the chancellor, + who forced the censor to acquiesce: the license was granted, and the Count + put the whole of the money, or the best part of it, in his pocket, though + he acknowledged the work to be Hamilton’s. This is exactly correspondent + to his general character: when money was his object, he had little, or + rather no delicacy. + </p> + <p> + The History of Grammont may be considered as unique there is nothing like + it in any language. For drollery, knowledge of the world, various satire, + general utility, united with great vivacity of composition, Gil Blas is + unrivalled: but, as a merely agreeable book, the Memoirs of Grammont + perhaps deserve that character more than any which was ever written: it is + pleasantry throughout, pleasantry of the best sort, unforced, graceful, + and engaging. Some French critic has justly observed, that, if any book + were to be selected as affording the truest specimen of perfect French + gaiety, the Memoirs of Grammont would be selected in preference to all + others. This has a Frenchman said of the work of a foreigner: but that + foreigner possessed much genius, had lived from his youth, not only in the + best society of France, but with the most singular and agreeable man that + France could produce. Still, however, though Grammont and Hamilton were of + dispositions very different, the latter must have possessed talents + peculiarly brilliant, and admirably adapted to coincide with, and display + those of his brother-in-law to the utmost advantage. Gibbon extols the + “ease and purity of Hamilton’s inimitable style;” and in this he is + supported by Voltaire, although he adds the censure, that the Grammont + Memoirs are, in point of materials, the most trifling; he might also in + truth have said, the most improper. The manners of the court of Charles + II. were, to the utmost, profligate and abandoned: yet in what colours + have they been drawn by Hamilton? The elegance of his pencil has rendered + them more seductive and dangerous, than if it had more faithfully copied + the originals. From such a mingled mass of grossness of language, and of + conduct, one would have turned away with disgust and abhorrence; but + Hamilton was, to use the words of his admirer, Lord Orford, “superior to + the indelicacy of the court,” whose vices he has so agreeably depicted; + and that superiority has sheltered such vices from more than half the + oblivion which would now have for ever concealed them. + </p> + <p> + The Count de Grammont died in 1707. Some years after the publication of + his Memoirs, Hamilton was engaged in a very different work: he translated + Pope’s Essay on Criticism into French, and, as it should seem, so much to + that great poet’s satisfaction, that he wrote a very polite letter of + thanks to him, which is inserted in Pope’s Correspondence. Hamilton’s + Essay was, I believe, never printed, though Pope warmly requested to have + that permission: the reign of Louis XIV. had now ceased; and, for several + years before his death, the character of the old court of that prince had + ceased also: profligacy and gaiety had given way to devotion and + austerity. Of Hamilton’s friends and literary acquaintance few were left: + the Duke of Berwick was employed in the field, or at Versailles: some of + the ladies, however, continued at St. Germain; and in their society, + particularly that of his niece, the Countess of Stafford (in whose name he + carried on a lively correspondence with Lady Mary Wortley Montague), he + passed much of his time. He occasionally indulged in poetical + compositions, of a style suited to his age and character; and when he was + past seventy, he wrote that excellent copy of verses, ‘Sur l’ Usage de la + Vie dans la Vieillesse’; which, for grace of style, justness, and purity + of sentiment, does honour to his memory. + </p> + <p> + Hamilton died at St. Germain, in April, 1720, aged about seventy-four. His + death was pious and resigned. From his poem, entitled Reflections, he + appears, like some other authors, to have turned his mind, in old age, + entirely to those objects of sacred regard, which, sooner or later, must + engage the attention of every rational mind. To poetry he bids an eternal + adieu, in language which breathes no diminution of genius, at the moment + that he for ever recedes from the poetical character. But he aspired to a + better. + </p> + <p> + Whatever were Hamilton’s errors, his general character was respectable. He + has been represented as grave, and even dull, in society; the very + reverse, in short, of what he appears in his Memoirs: but this is probably + exaggerated. Unquestionably, he had not the unequalled vivacity of the + Count de Grammont in conversation; as Grammont was, on the other hand, + inferior, in all respects, to Hamilton when the pen was in his hand; the + latter was, however, though reserved in a large society, particularly + agreeable in a more select one. Some of his letters remain, in which he + alludes to his want of that facility at impromptu which gave such + brilliancy to the conversation of some of his brother wits and + contemporaries. But, while we admit the truth of this, let it be + remembered, at the same time, that when he wrote this, he was by no means + young; that he criticised his own defects with severity; that he was poor, + and living in a court which itself subsisted on the alms of another. + Amidst such circumstances, extemporary gaiety cannot always be found. I + can suppose, that the Duchess of Maine, who laid claim to the character of + a patroness of wit, and, like many who assert such claims, was very + troublesome, very self-sufficient, and very ‘exigeante’, might not always + have found that general superiority, or even transient lustre, which she + expected in Hamilton’s society: yet, considering the great difference of + their age and situation, this circumstance will not greatly impeach his + talents for conversation. But the work of real genius must for ever + remain; and of Hamilton’s genius, the Grammont Memoirs will always + continue a beauteous and graceful monument. To that monument may also be + added, the candour, integrity, and unassuming virtues of the amiable + author. + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2HCH0001" id="link2HCH0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <h2> + CHAPTER FIRST. INTRODUCTION + </h2> + <p> + As those who read only for amusement are, in my opinion, more worthy of + attention than those who open a book merely to find fault, to the former I + address myself, and for their entertainment commit the following pages to + press, without being in the least concerned about the severe criticisms of + the latter. I further declare, that the order of time and disposition of + the facts, which give more trouble to the writer than pleasure to the + reader, shall not much embarrass me in these Memoirs. It being my design + to convey a just idea of my hero, those circumstances which most tend to + illustrate and distinguish his character shall find a place in these + fragments just as they present themselves to my imagination, without + paying any particular attention to their arrangement. For, after all, what + does it signify where the portrait is begun, provided the assemblage of + the parts forms a whole which perfectly expresses the original? The + celebrated Plutarch, who treats his heroes as he does his readers, + commences the life of the one just as he thinks fit, and diverts the + attention of the other with digressions into antiquity, or agreeable + passages of literature, which frequently have no reference to the subject; + for instance, he tells us that Demetrius Poliorcetes was far from being so + tall as his father, Antigonus; and afterwards, that his reputed father, + Antigonus, was only his uncle; but this is not until he has begun his life + with a short account of his death, his various exploits, his good and bad + qualities; and at last, out of compassion to his failings, brings forward + a comparison between him and the unfortunate Mark Antony. + </p> + <p> + What I have said upon this subject is not meant to reflect upon this + historian, to whom, of all the ancients, we are most obliged; it is only + intended to authorize the manner in which I have treated a life far more + extraordinary than any of those he has transmitted to us. It is my part to + describe a man whose inimitable character casts a veil over those faults + which I shall neither palliate nor disguise; a man distinguished by a + mixture of virtues and vices so closely linked together as in appearance + to form a necessary dependence, glowing with the greatest beauty when + united, shining with the brightest lustre when opposed. + </p> + <p> + It is this indefinable brilliancy, which, in war, in love, in gaming, and + in the various stages of a long life, has rendered the Count de Grammont + the admiration of his age, and the delight of every country wherein he has + displayed his engaging wit, dispensed his generosity and magnificence, or + practised his inconstancy: it is owing to this that the sallies of a + sprightly imagination have produced those admirable bons-mots which have + been with universal applause transmitted to posterity. It is owing to this + that he preserved his judgment free and unembarrassed in the most trying + situations, and enjoyed an uncommon presence of mind and facetiousness of + temper in the most imminent dangers of war. I shall not attempt to draw + his portrait: his person has been described by Bussi and St. Evremond, + authors more entertaining than faithful. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Voltaire, in the age of Louis XIV., ch. 24, speaking of that monarch, + says, “even at the same time when he began to encourage genius by his + liberality, the Count de Bussi was severely punished for the use he made + of his: he was sent to the Bastile in 1664. ‘The Amours of the Gauls’ + was the pretence of his imprisonment; but the true cause was the song in + which the king was treated with too much freedom, and which, upon this + occasion, was brought to remembrance to ruin Bussi, the reputed author + of it. Que Deodatus est heureux, De baiser ce bec amoureux, Qui d’une + oreille a l’autre va! See Deodatus with his billing dear, Whose amorous + mouth breathes love from ear to ear! “His works were not good enough to + compensate for the mischief they did him. He spoke his own language with + purity: he had some merit, but more conceit: and he made no use of the + merit he had, but to make himself enemies.” Voltaire adds, “Bussi was + released at the end of eighteen months; but he was in disgrace all the + rest of his life, in vain protesting a regard for Louis XIV.” Bussi died + 1693. Of St. Evremond, see note, postea.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + The former has represented the Chevalier Grammont as artful, fickle, and + even somewhat treacherous in his amours, and indefatigable and cruel in + his jealousies. St. Evremond has used other colours to express the genius + and describe the general manners of the Count; whilst both, in their + different pictures, have done greater honour to themselves than justice to + their hero. + </p> + <p> + It is, therefore, to the Count we must listen, in the agreeable relation + of the sieges and battles wherein he distinguished himself under another + hero; and it is on him we must rely for the truth of passages the least + glorious of his life, and for the sincerity with which he relates his + address, vivacity, frauds, and the various stratagems he practised either + in love or gaming. These express his true character, and to himself we owe + these memoirs, since I only hold the pen, while he directs it to the most + remarkable and secret passages of his life. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0002" id="link2HCH0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER SECOND. ARRIVAL OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT AT THE SIEGE OF TRINO, + AND THE LIFE HE LED THERE + </h2> + <p> + In those days affairs were not managed in France as at present. Louis + XIII.—[Son and successor of Henry IV. He began to reign 14th May, + 1610, and died 14th May, 1643.]—then sat upon the throne, but the + Cardinal de Richelieu, governed the kingdom; great men commanded little + armies, and little armies did great things; the fortune of great men + depended solely upon ministerial favour, and blind devotion to the will of + the minister was the only sure method of advancement. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Of this great minister Mr. Hume gives the following character:— + “Undaunted, Undaunted and implacable, prudent and active, he braved all + the opposition of the French princes and nobles in the prosecution of + his vengeance; he discovered and dissipated all their secret cabals and + conspiracies. His sovereign himself he held in subjection, while he + exalted the throne. The people, while they lost their liberties, + acquired, by means of his administration, learning, order, discipline, + and renown.”] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + Vast designs were then laying in the heart of neighbouring states the + foundation of that formidable greatness to which France has now risen: the + police was somewhat neglected; the highways were impassable by day, and + the streets by night; but robberies were committed elsewhere with greater + impunity. Young men, on their first entrance into the world, took what + course they thought proper. Whoever would, was a chevalier, and whoever + could, an abbe: I mean a beneficed abbe: dress made no distinction between + them; and I believe the Chevalier Grammont was both the one and the other + at the siege of Trino.—[Trino was taken 4th May, 1639.]—This + was his first campaign, and here he displayed those attractive graces + which so favourably prepossess, and require neither friends nor + recommendations in any company to procure a favourable reception. The + siege was already formed when he arrived, which saved him some needless + risks; for a volunteer cannot rest at ease until he has stood the first + fire: he went therefore to reconnoitre the generals, having no occasion to + reconnoitre the place. Prince Thomas commanded the army; and as the post + of lieutenant-general was not then known, Du Plessis Pralin and the famous + Viscount Turenne were his majors general. Fortified places were treated + with some respect, before a power which nothing can withstand had found + means to destroy them by dreadful showers of bombs, and by destructive + batteries of hundreds of pieces of cannon. Before these furious storms + which drive governors underground and reduce their garrisons to powder, + repeated sallies bravely repulsed, and vigorous attacks nobly sustained, + signalized both the art of the besiegers and the courage of the besieged; + consequently, sieges were of some length, and young men had an opportunity + of gaining some knowledge. Many brave actions were performed on each side + during the siege of Trino; a great deal of fatigue was endured, and + considerable losses sustained; but fatigue was no more considered, + hardships were no more felt in the trenches, gravity was at an end with + the generals, and the troops were no longer dispirited after the arrival + of the Chevalier Grammont. Pleasure was his pursuit, and he made it + universal. + </p> + <p> + Among the officers in the army, as in all other places, there are men of + real merit, or pretenders to it. The latter endeavoured to imitate the + Chevalier Grammont in his most shining qualities, but without success; the + former admired his talents and courted his friendship. Of this number was + Matta: + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Matta, or Matha, of whom Hamilton has drawn so striking a picture, is + said to have been of the house of Bourdeille, which had the honour to + produce Brautome and Montresor. The combination of indolence and talent, + of wit and simplicity, of bluntness and irony, with which he is + represented, may have been derived from tradition, but could only have + been united into the inimitable whole by the pen of Hamilton. Several of + his bons-mots have been preserved; but the spirit evaporates in + translation. “Where could I get this nose,” said Madame D’Albret, + observing a slight tendency to a flush in that feature. “At the side + board, Madame,” answered Matta. When the same lady, in despair at her + brother’s death, refused all nourishment, Matta administered this blunt + consolation: “If you are resolved, madame, never again to swallow food, + you do well; but if ever you mean to eat upon any future occasion, + believe me, you may as well begin just now.” Madame Caylus, in her + Souvenirs, commemorates the simple and natural humour of Matta as + rendering him the most delightful society in the world. Mademoiselle, in + her Memoirs, alludes to his pleasantry in conversation, and turn for + deep gaming. When the Memoirs of Grammont were subjected to the + examination of Fontenelle, then censor of the Parisian press, he refused + to license them, or account of the scandalous conduct imputed to + Grammont in this party at quinze. The count no sooner heard of this than + he hastened to Fontenelle, and having joked him for being more tender of + his reputation than he was himself, the license was instantly issued. + The censor might have retorted upon Grammont the answer which the count + made to a widow who received coldly his compliments of condolence on her + husband’s death: “Nay, madame, if that is the way you take it, I care as + little about it as you do.” He died in 1674. “Matta est mort sans + confession,” says Madame Maintenon, in a letter to her brother. Tome I., + p. 67.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + He was agreeable in his person, but still more by the natural turn of his + wit; he was plain and simple in his manners, but endued with a quick + discernment and refined delicacy, and full of candour and integrity in all + his actions. The Chevalier Grammont was not long in discovering his + amiable qualities; an acquaintance was soon formed, and was succeeded by + the strictest intimacy. + </p> + <p> + Matta insisted that the Chevalier should take up his quarters with him; to + which he only consented on condition of equally contributing to the + expense. As they were both liberal and magnificent, at their common cost + they gave the best designed and most luxurious entertainments that had + ever yet been seen. Play was wonderfully productive at first, and the + Chevalier restored by a hundred different ways that which he obtained only + by one. The generals, being entertained by turns, admired their + magnificence, and were dissatisfied with their own officers for not + keeping such good tables and attendance. The Chevalier had the talent of + setting off the most indifferent things to advantage; and his wit was so + generally acknowledged, that it was a kind of disgrace not to submit to + his taste. To him Matta resigned the care of furnishing the table and + doing its honours; and, charmed with the general applause, persuaded + himself that nothing could be more honourable than their way of living, + and nothing more easy than to continue it; but he soon perceived that the + greatest prosperity is not the most lasting. Good living, bad economy, + dishonest servants, and ill-luck, all uniting together to disconcert their + housekeeping, their table was going to be gradually laid aside, when the + Chevalier’s genius, fertile in resources, undertook to support his former + credit by the following expedient. + </p> + <p> + They had never yet conferred about the state of their finances, although + the steward had acquainted each, separately, that he must either receive + money to continue the expenses, or give in his accounts. One day, when the + Chevalier came home sooner than usual, he found Matta fast asleep in an + easy chair, and, being unwilling to disturb his rest, he began musing on + his project. Matta awoke without his perceiving it; and having, for a + short time, observed the deep contemplation he seemed involved in, and the + profound silence between two persons who had never held their tongues for + a moment when together before, he broke it by a sudden fit of laughter, + which increased in proportion as the other stared at him. “A merry way of + waking, and ludicrous enough,” said the Chevalier; “what is the matter, + and whom do you laugh at!” “Faith, Chevalier,” said Matta, “I am laughing + at a dream I had just now, which is so natural and diverting, that I must + make you laugh at it also. I was dreaming that we had dismissed our + maitre-d’hotel, our cook, and our confectioner, having resolved, for the + remainder of the campaign, to live upon others as others have lived upon + us: this was my dream. Now tell me, Chevalier, on what were you musing?” + “Poor fellow!” said the Chevalier, shrugging up his shoulders, “you are + knocked down at once, and thrown into the utmost consternation and despair + at some silly stories which the maitre-d’hotel has been telling you as + well as me. What! after the figure we have made in the face of the + nobility and foreigners in the army, shall we give it up, and like fools + and beggars sneak off, upon the first failure of our money! Have you no + sentiments of honour? Where is the dignity of France?” “And where is the + money?” said Matta; “for my men say, the devil may take them, if there be + ten crowns in the house, and I believe you have not much more, for it is + above a week since I have seen you pull out your purse, or count your + money, an amusement you were very fond of in prosperity.” “I own all + this,” said the Chevalier, “but yet I will force you to confess, that you + are but a mean-spirited fellow upon this occasion. What would have become + of you if you had been reduced to the situation I was in at Lyons, four + days before I arrived here? I will tell you the story.” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0003" id="link2HCH0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER THIRD. EDUCATION AND ADVENTURES OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT BEFORE + HIS COMING TO THE SIEGE OF TRINO + </h2> + <p> + “This,” said Matta, “smells strongly of romance, except that it should + have been your squire’s part to tell your adventures.” + </p> + <p> + “True,” said the Chevalier; “however, I may acquaint you with my first + exploits without offending my modesty; besides, my squire’s style borders + too much upon the burlesque for an heroic narrative. + </p> + <p> + “You must know, then, that upon my arrival at Lyons—” + </p> + <p> + “Is it thus you begin?” said Matta. “Pray give us your history a little + further back. The most minute particulars of a life like yours are worthy + of relation; but above all, the manner in which you first paid your + respects to Cardinal Richelieu: I have often laughed at it. However, you + may pass over the unlucky pranks of your infancy, your genealogy, name and + quality of your ancestors, for that is a subject with which you must be + utterly unacquainted.” + </p> + <p> + “Pooh!” said the Chevalier; “you think that all the world is as ignorant + as yourself; you think that I am a stranger to the Mendores and the + Corisandes. So, perhaps I don’t know that it was my father’s own fault + that he was not the son of Henry IV. The king would by all means have + acknowledged him for his son, but the traitor would never consent to it. + See what the Grammonts would have been now, but for this cross-grained + fellow! They would have had precedence of the Caesars de Vendome. You may + laugh if you like, yet it is as true as the gospel: but let us come to the + point. + </p> + <p> + “I was sent to the college of Pau, with the intention of being brought up + to the church; but as I had quite different views, I made no manner of + improvement: gaming was so much in my head, that both my tutor and the + master lost their labour in endeavouring to teach me Latin. Old Brinon, + who served me both as valet-de-chambre and governor, in vain threatened to + acquaint my mother. I only studied when I pleased, that is to say, seldom + or never: however, they treated me as is customary with scholars of my + quality; I was raised to all the dignities of the forms, without having + merited them, and left college nearly in the same state in which I entered + it; nevertheless, I was thought to have more knowledge than was requisite + for the abbacy which my brother had solicited for me. He had just married + the niece of a minister, to whom every one cringed: he was desirous to + present me to him. I felt but little regret to quit the country, and great + impatience to see Paris. My brother having kept me some time with him, in + order to polish me, let me loose upon the town to shake off my rustic air, + and learn the manners of the world. I so thoroughly gained them, that I + could not be persuaded to lay them aside when I was introduced at court in + the character of an Abby. You know what kind of dress was then the + fashion. All that they could obtain of me was to put a cassock over my + other clothes, and my brother, ready to die with laughing at my + ecclesiastical habit, made others laugh too. I had the finest head of hair + in the world, well curled and powdered, above my cassock, and below were + white buskins and gilt spurs. The Cardinal, who had a quick discernment, + could not help laughing. This elevation of sentiment gave him umbrage; and + he foresaw what might be expected from a genius that already laughed at + the shaven crown and cowl. + </p> + <p> + “When my brother had taken me home, ‘Well, my little parson,’ said he, + ‘you have acted your part to admiration, and your parti-coloured dress of + the ecclesiastic and soldier has greatly diverted the court; but this is + not all: you must now choose, my little knight. Consider then, whether, by + sticking to the church, you will possess great revenues, and have nothing + to do; or, with a small portion, you will risk the loss of a leg or arm, + and be the fructus belli of an insensible court, to arrive in your old age + at the dignity of a major-general, with a glass eye and a wooden leg.’ ‘I + know,’ said I, ‘that there is no comparison between these two situations, + with regard to the conveniences of life; but, as a man ought to secure his + future state in preference to all other considerations, I am resolved to + renounce the church for the salvation of my soul, upon condition, however, + that I keep my abbacy.’ Neither the remonstrances nor authority of my + brother could induce me to change my resolution; and he was forced to + agree to this last article in order to keep me at the academy. You know + that I am the most adroit man in France, so that I soon learned all that + is taught at such places, and, at the same time, I also learnt that which + gives the finishing stroke to a young fellow’s education, and makes him a + gentleman, viz. all sorts of games, both at cards and dice; but the truth + is, I thought, at first, that I had more skill in them than I really had, + as experience proved. When my mother knew the choice I had made, she was + inconsolable; for she reckoned, that had I been a clergyman I should have + been a saint; but now she was certain that I should either be a devil in + the world, or be killed in the wars. And indeed I burned with impatience + to be a soldier; but being yet too young, I was forced to make a campaign + at Bidache—[A principality belonging to the family of the Grammonts, + in the Province of Gascony.]—before I made one in the army. When I + returned to my mother’s house, I had so much the air of a courtier and a + man of the world, that she began to respect me, instead of chiding me for + my infatuation towards the army. I became her favourite, and finding me + inflexible, she only thought of keeping me with her as long as she could, + while my little equipage was preparing. The faithful Brinon, who was to + attend me as valet-de-chambre, was likewise to discharge the office of + governor and equerry, being, perhaps, the only Gascon who was ever + possessed of so much gravity and ill-temper. He passed his word for my + good behaviour and morality, and promised my mother that he would give a + good account of my person in the dangers of the war; but I hope he will + keep his word better as to this last article than he has done as to the + former. + </p> + <p> + “My equipage was sent away a week before me. This was so much time gained + by my mother to give me good advice. At length, after having solemnly + enjoined me to have the fear of God before my eyes, and to love my + neighbour as myself, she suffered me to depart, under the protection of + the Lord and the sage Brinon. At the second stage we quarrelled. He had + received four hundred louis d’or for the expenses of the campaign: I + wished to have the keeping of them myself, which he strenuously opposed. + ‘Thou old scoundrel,’ said I, ‘is the money thine, or was it given thee + for me? You suppose I must have a treasurer, and receive no money without + his order. I know not whether it was from a presentiment of what + afterwards happened that he grew melancholy; however, it was with the + greatest reluctance, and the most poignant anguish, that he found himself + obliged to yield. One would have thought that I had wrested his very soul + from him. I found myself more light and merry after I had eased him of his + trust; he, on the contrary, appeared so overwhelmed with grief, that it + seemed as if I had laid four hundred pounds of lead upon his back, instead + of taking away these four hundred louis. He went on so heavily, that I was + forced to whip his horse myself, and turning to me, now and then, ‘Ah! + sir,’ said he, my lady did not think it would be so. ‘His reflections and + sorrows were renewed at every stage; for, instead of giving a shilling to + the post-boy, I gave him half-a-crown. + </p> + <p> + “Having at last reached Lyons, two soldiers stopped us at the gate of the + city, to carry us before the governor. I took one of them to conduct me to + the best inn, and delivered Brinon into the hands of the other, to + acquaint the commandant with the particulars of my journey, and my future + intentions. + </p> + <p> + “There are as good taverns at Lyons as at Paris; but my soldier, according + to custom, carried me to a friend of his own, whose house he extolled as + having the best accommodations, and the greatest resort of good company, + in the whole town. The master of this hotel was as big as a hogshead, his + name Cerise; a Swiss by birth, a poisoner by profession, and a thief by + custom. He showed me into a tolerably neat room, and desired to know + whether I pleased to sup by myself or at the ordinary. I chose the latter, + on account of the beau monde which the soldier had boasted of. + </p> + <p> + “Brinon, who was quite out of temper at the many questions which the + governor had asked him, returned more surly than an old ape; and seeing + that I was dressing my hair, in order to go downstairs: ‘What are you + about now, sir?’ said he. ‘Are you going to tramp about the town? No, no; + have we not had tramping enough ever since the morning? Eat a bit of + supper, and go to bed betimes, that you may get on horseback by + day-break.’ ‘Mr. Comptroller,’ said I, ‘I shall neither tramp about the + town, nor eat alone, nor go to bed early. I intend to sup with the company + below.’ ‘At the ordinary!’ cried he; ‘I beseech you, sir, do not think of + it! Devil take me, if there be not a dozen brawling fellows playing at + cards and dice, who make noise enough to drown the loudest thunder!’ + </p> + <p> + “I was grown insolent since I had seized the money; and being desirous to + shake off the yoke of a governor, ‘Do you know, Mr. Brinon,’ said I, ‘that + I don’t like a blockhead to set up for a reasoner? Do you go to supper, if + you please; but take care that I have post-horses ready before daybreak.’ + The moment he mentioned cards and dice, I felt the money burn in my + pocket. I was somewhat surprised, however, to find the room where the + ordinary was served filled with odd-looking creatures. My host, after + presenting me to the company, assured me that there were but eighteen or + twenty of those gentlemen who would have the honour to sup with me. I + approached one of the tables where they were playing, and thought I should + have died with laughing: I expected to have seen good company and deep + play; but I only met with two Germans playing at backgammon. Never did two + country boobies play like them; but their figures beggared all + description. The fellow near whom I stood was short, thick, and fat, and + as round as a ball, with a ruff, and prodigious high crowned hat. Any one, + at a moderate distance, would have taken him for the dome of a church, + with the steeple on the top of it. I inquired of the host who he was. ‘A + merchant from Basle,’ said he, ‘who comes hither to sell horses; but from + the method he pursues, I think he will not dispose of many; for he does + nothing but play.’ ‘Does he play deep?’ said I. ‘Not now,’ said he; ‘they + are only playing for their reckoning, while supper is getting ready; but + he has no objection to play as deep as any one.’ ‘Has he money?’ said I. + ‘As for that,’ replied the treacherous Cerise, ‘would to God you had won a + thousand pistoles of him, and I went your halves; we should not be long + without our money.’ I wanted no further encouragement to meditate the ruin + of the high-crowned hat. I went nearer to him, in order to take a closer + survey; never was such a bungler; he made blots upon blots; God knows, I + began to feel some remorse at winning of such an ignoramus, who knew so + little of the game. He lost his reckoning; supper was served up; and I + desired him to sit next me. It was a long table, and there were at least + five-and-twenty in company, notwithstanding the landlord’s promise. The + most execrable repast that ever was begun being finished, all the crowd + insensibly dispersed, except the little Swiss, who still kept near me, and + the landlord, who placed himself on the other side of me. They both smoked + like dragoons; and the Swiss was continually saying, in bad French, ‘I ask + your pardon, sir, for my great freedom,’ at the same time blowing such + whiffs of tobacco in my face as almost suffocated me. Mr. Cerise, on the + other hand, desired he might take the liberty of asking me whether I had + ever been in his country? and seemed surprised I had so genteel an air, + without having travelled in Switzerland. + </p> + <p> + “The little chub I had to encounter was full as inquisitive as the other. + He desired to know whether I came from the army in Piedmont; and having + told him I was going thither, he asked me, whether I had a mind to buy any + horses; that he had about two hundred to dispose of, and that he would + sell them cheap. I began to be smoked like a gammon of bacon; and being + quite wearied out, both with their tobacco and their questions, I asked my + companion if he would play for a single pistole at backgammon, while our + men were supping; it was not without great ceremony that he consented, at + the same time asking my pardon for his great freedom. + </p> + <p> + “I won the game; I gave him his revenge, and won again. We then played + double or quit; I won that too, and all in the twinkling of an eye; for he + grew vexed, and suffered himself to be taken in so that I began to bless + my stars for my good fortune. Brinon came in about the end of the third + game, to put me to bed, he made a great sign of the cross, but paid no + attention to the signs I made him to retire. I was forced to rise to give + him that order in private. He began to reprimand me for disgracing myself + by keeping company with such a low-bred wretch. It was in vain that I told + him he was a great merchant, that he had a great deal of money, and that + he played like a child. ‘He a merchant,’ cried Brinon. ‘Do not believe + that, sir! May the devil take me, if he is not some conjurer.’ ‘Hold your + tongue, old fool,’ said I; ‘he is no more a conjurer than you are, and + that is decisive; and, to prove it to you, I am resolved to win four or + five hundred pistoles of him before I go to bed. With these words I turned + him out, strictly enjoining him not to return, or in any manner to disturb + us. + </p> + <p> + “The game being done, the little Swiss unbuttoned his pockets, to pull out + a new four-pistole piece, and presenting it to me, he asked my pardon for + his great freedom, and seemed as if he wished to retire. This was not what + I wanted. I told him we only played for amusement; that I had no design + upon his money; and that, if he pleased, I would play him a single game + for his four pistoles. He raised some objections; but consented at last, + and won back his money. I was piqued at it. I played another game; fortune + changed sides; the dice ran for him, he made no more blots. I lost the + game; another game, and double or quit; we doubled the stake, and played + double or quit again. I was vexed; he, like a true gamester, took every + bet I offered, and won all before him, without my getting more than six + points in eight or ten games. I asked him to play a single game for one + hundred pistoles; but as he saw I did not stake, he told me it was late; + that he must go and look after his horses; and went away, still asking my + pardon for his great freedom. The cool manner of his refusal, and the + politeness with which he took his leave, provoked me to such a degree, + that I could almost have killed him. I was so confounded at losing my + money so fast, even to the last pistole, that I did not immediately + consider the miserable situation to which I was reduced. + </p> + <p> + “I durst not go up to my chamber for fear of Brinon. By good luck, + however, he was tired with waiting for me, and had gone to bed. This was + some consolation, though but of short continuance. As soon as I was laid + down, all the fatal consequences of my adventure presented themselves to + my imagination. I could not sleep. I saw all the horrors of my misfortune, + without being able to find any remedy; in vain did I rack my brain; it + supplied me with no expedient. I feared nothing so much as daybreak; + however, it did come, and the cruel Brinon along with it. He was booted up + to the middle, and cracking a cursed whip, which he held in his hand, ‘Up, + Monsieur le Chevalier,’ cried he, opening the curtains; ‘the horses are at + the door, and you are still asleep. We ought by this time to have ridden + two stages; give me money to pay the reckoning.’ ‘Brinon,’ said I, in a + dejected tone, ‘draw the curtains.’ ‘What!’ cried he, ‘draw the curtains! + Do you intend, then, to make your campaign at Lyons? you seem to have + taken a liking to the place. And for the great merchant, you have stripped + him, I suppose? No, no, Monsieur le Chevalier, this money will never do + you any good. This wretch has, perhaps, a family; and it is his children’s + bread that he has been playing with, and that you have won. Was this an + object to sit up all night for? What would my lady say, if she knew what a + life you lead?’ ‘M. Brinon,’ said I, ‘pray draw the curtains.’ But instead + of obeying me, one would have thought that the devil had prompted him to + use the most pointed and galling terms to a person under such misfortunes. + ‘And how much have you won?’ said he; ‘five hundred pistoles? what must + the poor man do? + </p> + <p> + “‘Recollect, Monsieur le Chevalier, what I have said, this money will + never thrive with you. It is, perhaps, but four hundred? three? two? well + if it be but one hundred louis d’or, continued he, seeing that I shook my + head at every sum which he had named, there is no great mischief done; one + hundred pistoles will not ruin him, provided you have won them fairly.’ + ‘Friend Brinon,’ said I, fetching a deep sigh, ‘draw the curtains; I am + unworthy to see daylight’ Brinon was much affected at these melancholy + words, but I thought he would have fainted, when I told him the whole + adventure. He tore his hair, made grievous lamentations, the burden of + which still was, ‘What will my lady say?’ And, after having exhausted his + unprofitable complaints, ‘What will become of you now, Monsieur le + Chevalier?’ said he, ‘what do you intend to do?’ ‘Nothing,’ said I, ‘for I + am fit for no thing. After this, being somewhat eased after making him my + confession, I thought upon several projects, to none of which could I gain + his approbation. I would have had him post after my equipage, to have sold + some of my clothes. I was for proposing to the horse-dealer to buy some + horses of him at a high price on credit, to sell again cheap. Brinon + laughed at all these schemes, and after having had the cruelty of keeping + me upon the rack for a long time, he at last extricated me. Parents are + always stingy towards their poor children; my mother intended to have + given me five hundred louis d’or, but she had kept back fifty, as well for + some little repairs in the abbey, as to pay for praying for me. Brinon had + the charge of the other fifty, with strict injunctions not to speak of + them, unless upon some urgent necessity. And this you see soon happened. + </p> + <p> + “Thus you have a brief account of my first adventure. Play has hitherto + favoured me; for, since my arrival, I have had, at one time, after paying + all my expenses, fifteen hundred louis d’or. Fortune is now again become + unfavourable: we must mend her. Our cash runs low; we must, therefore, + endeavour to recruit.” + </p> + <p> + “Nothing is more easy,” said Matta; “it is only to find out such another + dupe as the horse-dealer at Lyons; but now I think on it, has not the + faithful Brinon some reserve for the last extremity? Faith, the time is + now come, and we cannot do better than to make use of it!” + </p> + <p> + “Your raillery would be very seasonable,” said the Chevalier, “if you knew + how to extricate us out of this difficulty. You must certainly have an + overflow of wit, to be throwing it away upon every occasion as at present. + What the devil! will you always be bantering, without considering what a + serious situation we are reduced to. Mind what I say, I will go tomorrow + to the head-quarters, I will dine with the Count de Cameran, and I will + invite him to supper.” “Where?” said Matta. “Here,” said the Chevalier. + “You are mad, my poor friend,” replied Matta. “This is some such project + as you formed at Lyons: you know we have neither money nor credit; and, to + re-establish our circumstances, you intend to give a supper.” + </p> + <p> + “Stupid fellow!” said the Chevalier, “is it possible, that, so long as we + have been acquainted, you should have learned no more invention? The Count + de Cameran plays at quinze, and so do I; we want money; he has more than + he knows what to do with; I will bespeak a splendid supper, he shall pay + for it. Send your maitre-d’hotel to me, and trouble yourself no further, + except in some precautions, which it is necessary to take on such an + occasion.” “What are they?” said Matta. “I will tell you,” said the + Chevalier; “for I find one must explain to you things that are as clear as + noon-day.” + </p> + <p> + “You command the guards that are here, don’t you? As soon as night comes + on, you shall order fifteen or twenty men, under the command of your + sergeant La Place, to be under arms, and to lay themselves flat on the + ground, between this place and the head-quarters.” “What the devil!” cried + Matta, “an ambuscade? God forgive me, I believe you intend to rob the poor + Savoyard. If that be your intention, I declare I will have nothing to say + to it” “Poor devil!” said the Chevalier, “the matter is this; it is very + likely that we shall win his money. The Piedmontese, though otherwise good + fellows, are apt to be suspicious and distrustful. He commands the horse; + you know you cannot hold your tongue, and are very likely to let slip some + jest or other that may vex him. Should he take it into his head that he is + cheated, and resent it, who knows what the consequences might be? for he + is commonly attended by eight or ten horsemen. Therefore, however he may + be provoked at his loss, it is proper to be in such a situation as not to + dread his resentment.” + </p> + <p> + “Embrace me, my dear Chevalier,” said Matta, holding his sides and + laughing; “embrace me, for thou art not to be matched. What a fool I was + to think, when you talked to me of taking precautions, that nothing more + was necessary than to prepare a table and cards, or perhaps to provide + some false dice! I should never have thought of supporting a man who plays + at quinze by a detachment of foot: I must, indeed, confess that you are + already a great soldier.” + </p> + <p> + The next day everything happened as the Chevalier Grammont had planned it; + the unfortunate Cameran fell into the snare. They supped in the most + agreeable manner possible Matta drank five or six bumpers to drown a few + scruples which made him somewhat uneasy. The Chevalier de Grammont shone + as usual, and almost made his guest die with laughing, whom he was soon + after to make very serious; and the good-natured Cameran ate like a man + whose affections were divided between good cheer and a love of play; that + is to say, he hurried down his victuals, that he might not lose any of the + precious time which he had devoted to quinze. + </p> + <p> + Supper being done, the sergeant La Place posted his ambuscade, and the + Chevalier de Grammont engaged his man. The perfidy of Cerise, and the + high-crowned hat, were still fresh in remembrance, and enabled him to get + the better of a few grains of remorse, and conquer some scruples which + arose in his mind. Matta, unwilling to be a spectator of violated + hospitality, sat down in an easy chair, in order to fall asleep, while the + Chevalier was stripping the poor Count of his money. + </p> + <p> + They only staked three or four pistoles at first, just for amusement; but + Cameran having lost three or four times, he staked high, and the game + became serious. He still lost, and became outrageous; the cards flew about + the room, and the exclamations awoke Matta. + </p> + <p> + As his head was heavy with sleep, and hot with wine, he began to laugh at + the passion of the Piedmontese, instead of consoling him. “Faith, my poor + Count,” said he, “if I were in your place, I would play no more.” “Why + so?” said the other. “I don’t know,” said he, “but my heart tells me that + your ill-luck will continue.” “I will try that,” said Cameran, calling for + fresh cards. “Do so,” said Matta, and fell asleep again. It was but for a + short time. All cards were equally unfortunate for the loser. He held none + but tens or court-cards; and if by chance he had quinze, he was sure to be + the younger hand, and therefore lost it. Again he stormed. “Did not I tell + you so?” said Matta, starting out of his sleep. “All your storming is in + vain; as long as you play you will lose. Believe me, the shortest follies + are the best. Leave off, for the devil take me if it is possible for you + to win.” “Why?” said Cameran, who began to be impatient. “Do you wish to + know?” said Matta; “why, faith, it is because we are cheating you.” + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont was provoked at so ill-timed a jest, more + especially as it carried along with it some appearance of truth. “Mr. + Matta,” said he, “do you think it can be very agreeable for a man who + plays with such ill-luck as the Count to be pestered with your insipid + jests? For my part, I am so weary of the game, that I would desist + immediately, if he was not so great a loser.” Nothing is more dreaded by a + losing gamester, than such a threat; and the Count, in a softened tone, + told the Chevalier that Mr. Matta might say what he pleased, if he did not + offend him; that, as to himself, it did not give him the smallest + uneasiness. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont gave the Count far better treatment than he + himself had experienced from the Swiss at Lyons; for he played upon credit + as long as he pleased; which Cameran took so kindly, that he lost fifteen + hundred pistoles, and paid them the next morning. As for Matta, he was + severely reprimanded for the intemperance of his tongue. All the reason he + gave for his conduct was, that he made it a point of conscience not to + suffer the poor Savoyard to be cheated without informing him of it. + “Besides,” said he, “it would have given me pleasure to have seen my + infantry engaged with his horse, if he had been inclined to mischief.” + </p> + <p> + This adventure having recruited their finances, fortune favoured them the + remainder of the campaign, and the Chevalier de Grammont, to prove that he + had only seized upon the Count’s effects by way of reprisal, and to + indemnify himself for the losses he had sustained at Lyons, began from + this time to make the same use of his money, that he has been known to do + since upon all occasions. He found out the distressed, in order to relieve + them; officers who had lost their equipage in the war, or their money at + play; soldiers who were disabled in the trenches; in short, every one felt + the influence of his benevolence: but his manner of conferring a favour + exceeded even the favour itself. + </p> + <p> + Every man possessed of such amiable qualities must meet with success in + all his undertakings. The soldiers knew his person, and adored him. The + generals were sure to meet him in every scene of action, and sought his + company at other times. As soon as fortune declared for him, his first + care was to make restitution, by desiring Cameran to go his halves in all + parties where the odds were in his favour. + </p> + <p> + An inexhaustible fund of vivacity and good humour gave a certain air of + novelty to whatever he either said or did. I know not on what occasion it + was that Monsieur de Turenne towards the end of the siege, commanded a + separate body. The Chevalier de Grammont went to visit him at his new + quarters, where he found fifteen or twenty officers. M. de Turenne was + naturally fond of merriment, and the Chevalier’s presence was sure to + inspire it. He was much pleased with this visit, and, by way of + acknowledgment, would have engaged him to play. The Chevalier de Grammont, + in returning him thanks, said, that he had learned from his tutor, that + when a man went to see his friends, it was neither prudent to leave his + own money behind him, nor civil to carry off theirs. “Truly,” said + Monsieur de Turenne, “you will find neither deep play nor much money among + us; but, that it may not be said that we suffered you to depart without + playing, let us stake every one a horse.” + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont agreed. Fortune, who had followed him to a place + where he did not think he should have any need of her, made him win + fifteen or sixteen horses, by way of joke; but, seeing some countenances + disconcerted at the loss, “Gentlemen,” said he, “I should be sorry to see + you return on foot from your general’s quarters; it will be enough for me + if you send me your horses to-morrow, except one, which I give for the + cards.” + </p> + <p> + The valet-de-chambre thought he was bantering. “I speak seriously,” said + the Chevalier, “I give you a horse for the cards; and, what is more, take + whichever you please, except my own.” “Truly,” said Monsieur de Turenne, + “I am vastly pleased with the novelty of the thing; for I don’t believe + that a horse was ever before given for the cards.” + </p> + <p> + Trino surrendered at last. The Baron de Batteville, who had defended it + valiantly, and for a long time, obtained a capitulation worthy of such a + resistance. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [This officer appears to have been the same person who was afterwards + ambassador from Spain to the court of Great Britain, where, in the + summer of 1660, he offended the French court, by claiming precedence of + their ambassador, Count d’Estrades, on the public entry of the Swedish + ambassador into London. On this occasion the court of France compelled + its rival of Spain to submit to the mortifying circumstance of + acknowledging the French superiority. To commemorate this important + victory, Louis XIV. caused a medal to be struck, representing the + Spanish ambassador, the Marquis de Fuente, making the declaration to + that king, “No concurrer con los ambassadores des de Francia,” with this + inscription, “Jus praecedendi assertum,” and under it, “Hispaniorum + excusatio coram xxx legatis principum, 1662.” A very curious account of + the fray occasioned by this dispute, drawn up by Evelyn, is to be seen + in that gentleman’s article in the Biographia Britannica.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + I do not know whether the Chevalier de Grammont had any share in the + capture of this place; but I know very well, that during a more glorious + reign, and with armies ever victorious, his intrepidity and address have + been the cause of taking others since, even under the eye of his master, + as we shall see in the sequel of these memoirs. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0004" id="link2HCH0004"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FOURTH. HIS ARRIVAL AT THE COURT OF TURIN, AND HOW HE SPENT HIS + TIME THERE + </h2> + <p> + Military glory is at most but one half of the accomplishments which + distinguish heroes. Love must give the finishing stroke, and adorn their + character by the difficulties they encounter, the temerity of their + enterprises, and finally, by the lustre of success. We have examples of + this, not only in romances, but also in the genuine histories of the most + famous warriors and the most celebrated conquerors. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont and Matta, who did not think much of these + examples, were, however, of opinion, that it would be very agreeable to + refresh themselves after the fatigues of the siege of Trino, by forming + some other sieges, at the expense of the beauties and the husbands of + Turin. As the campaign had finished early, they thought they should have + time to perform some exploits before the bad weather obliged them to + repass the mountains. + </p> + <p> + They sallied forth, therefore, not unlike Amadis de Gaul or Don Galaor + after they had been dubbed knights, eager in their search after adventures + in love, war and enchantments. They were greatly superior to those two + brothers, who only knew how to cleave in twain giants, to break lances, + and to carry off fair damsels behind them on horseback, without saying a + single word to them; whereas our heroes were adepts at cards and dice, of + which the others were totally ignorant. + </p> + <p> + They went to Turin, met with an agreeable reception, and were greatly + distinguished at court. Could it be otherwise? They were young and + handsome; they had wit at command, and spent their money liberally. In + what country will not a man succeed, possessing such advantages? As Turin + was at that time the seat of gallantry and of love, two strangers of this + description, who were always cheerful, brisk and lively, could not fail to + please the ladies of the court. + </p> + <p> + Though the men of Turin were extremely handsome, they were not, however, + possessed of the art of pleasing. They treated their wives with respect, + and were courteous to strangers. Their wives, still more handsome, were + full as courteous to strangers, and less respectful to their husbands. + </p> + <p> + Madame Royale, a worthy daughter of Henry IV., rendered her little court + the most agreeable in the world. She inherited such of her father’s + virtues as compose the proper ornament of her sex; and with regard to what + are termed the foibles of great souls, her highness had in no wise + degenerated. + </p> + <p> + The Count de Tanes was her prime minister. It was not difficult to conduct + affairs of state during his administration. No complaints were alleged + against him; and the princess, satisfied with his conduct herself, was, + above all, glad to have her choice approved by her whole court, where + people lived nearly according to the manners and customs of ancient + chivalry. + </p> + <p> + The ladies had each a professed lover, for fashion’s sake, besides + volunteers, whose numbers were unlimited. The declared admirers wore their + mistresses’ liveries, their arms, and sometimes even took their names. + Their office was, never to quit them in public, and never to approach them + in private; to be their squires upon all occasions, and, in jousts and + tournaments, to adorn their lances, their housings, and their coats, with + the cyphers and the colours of their dulcineas. + </p> + <p> + Matta was far from being averse to gallantry; but would have liked it more + simple than as it was practised at Turin. The ordinary forms would not + have disgusted him; but he found here a sort of superstition in the + ceremonies and worship of love, which he thought very inconsistent: + however, as he had submitted his conduct in that matter to the direction + of the Chevalier de Grammont, he was obliged to follow his example, and to + conform to the customs of the country. + </p> + <p> + They enlisted themselves at the same time in the service of two beauties, + whose former squires gave them up immediately from motives of politeness. + The Chevalier de Grammont chose Mademoiselle de Saint-Germain, and told + Matta to offer his services to Madame de Senantes. Matta consented, though + he liked the other better; but the Chevalier de Grammont persuaded him + that Madame de Senantes was more suitable for him. As he had reaped + advantage from the Chevalier’s talents in the first projects they had + formed, he resolved to follow his instructions in love, as he had done his + advice in play. + </p> + <p> + Mademoiselle de Saint-Germain was in the bloom of youth; her eyes were + small, but very bright and sparkling, and, like her hair, were black; her + complexion was lively and clear, though not fair: she, had an agreeable + mouth, two fine rows of teeth, a neck as handsome as one could wish, and a + most delightful shape; she had a particular elegance in her elbows, which, + however, she did not show to advantage; her hands were rather large and + not very white; her feet, though not of the smallest, were well shaped; + she trusted to Providence, and used no art to set off those graces which + she had received from nature; but, notwithstanding her negligence in the + embellishment of her charms, there was something so lively in her person, + that the Chevalier de Grammont was caught at first sight; her wit and + humour corresponded with her other qualities, being quite easy and + perfectly charming; she was all mirth, all life, all complaisance and + politeness, and all was natural, and always the same without any + variation. + </p> + <p> + The Marchioness de Senantes was esteemed fair, and she might have enjoyed, + if she had pleased, the reputation of having red hair, had she not rather + chosen to conform to the taste of the age in which she lived than to + follow that of the ancients: she had all the advantages of red hair + without any of the inconveniences; a constant attention to her person + served as a corrective to the natural defects of her complexion. After + all, what does it signify, whether cleanliness be owing to nature or to + art? it argues an invidious temper to be very inquisitive about it. She + had a great deal of wit, a good memory, more reading, and a still greater + inclination towards tenderness. + </p> + <p> + She had a husband whom it would have been criminal even in chastity to + spare. He piqued himself upon being a Stoic, and gloried in being slovenly + and disgusting in honour of his profession. In this he succeeded to + admiration; for he was very fat, so that he perspired almost as much in + winter as in summer. Erudition and brutality seemed to be the most + conspicuous features of his character, and were displayed in his + conversation, sometimes together, sometimes alternately, but always + disagreeably: he was not jealous, and yet he was troublesome; he was very + well pleased to see attentions paid to his wife, provided more were paid + to him. + </p> + <p> + As soon as our adventurers had declared themselves, the Chevalier de + Grammont arrayed himself in green habiliments, and dressed Matta in blue, + these being the favourite colours of their new mistresses. They entered + immediately upon duty: the Chevalier learned and practised all the + ceremonies of this species of gallantry, as if he always had been + accustomed to them; but Matta commonly forgot one half, and was not over + perfect in practising the other. He never could remember that his office + was to promote the glory, and not the interest, of his mistress. + </p> + <p> + The Duchess of Savoy gave the very next day an entertainment at La + Venerie, where all the ladies were invited. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier was so agreeable and diverting, that he made his mistress + almost die with laughing. Matta, in leading his lady to the coach, + squeezed her hand, and at their return from the promenade he begged of her + to pity his sufferings. Thus was proceeding rather too precipitately, and + although Madame de Senantes was not destitute of the natural compassion of + her sex, she nevertheless was shocked at the familiarity of this + treatment; she thought herself obliged to show some degree of resentment, + and pulling away her hand, which he had pressed with still greater + fervency upon this declaration, she went up to the royal apartments + without even looking at her new lover. Matta, never thinking that he had + offended her, suffered her to go, and went in search of some company to + sup with him: nothing was more easy for a man of his disposition; he soon + found what he wanted, sat a long time at table to refresh himself after + the fatigue, of love, and went to bed completely satisfied that he had + performed his part to perfection. + </p> + <p> + During all this time the Chevalier de Grammont acquitted himself towards + Mademoiselle de Saint Germain with universal applause; and without + remitting his assiduities, he found means to shine, as they went along, in + the relation of a thousand entertaining anecdotes, which he introduced in + the general conversation. Her Royal Highness heard them with pleasure, and + the solitary Senantes likewise attended to them. He perceived this, and + quitted his mistress to inquire what she had done with Matta. + </p> + <p> + “I” said she, “I have done nothing with him; but I don’t know what he + would have done with me if I had been obliging enough to listen to his + most humble solicitations.” + </p> + <p> + She then told him in what manner his friend had treated her the very + second day of their acquaintance. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier could not forbear laughing at it: he told her Matta was + rather too unceremonious, but yet she would like him better as their + intimacy more improved, and for her consolation he assured her that he + would have spoken in the same manner to her Royal Highness herself; + however, he would not fail to give him a severe reprimand. He went the + next morning into his room for that purpose; but Matta had gone out early + in the morning on a shooting party, in which he had been engaged by his + supper companions in the preceding evening. At his return he took a brace + of partridges and went to his mistress. Being asked whether he wished to + see the Marquis, he said no; and the Swiss telling him his lady was not at + home, he left his partridges, and desired him to present them to his + mistress from him. + </p> + <p> + The Marchioness was at her toilet, and was decorating her head with all + the grace she could devise to captivate Matta, at the moment he was denied + admittance: she knew nothing of the matter; but her husband knew every + particular. He had taken it in dudgeon that the first visit was not paid + to him, and as he was resolved that it should not be paid to his wife, the + Swiss had received his orders, and had almost been beaten for receiving + the present which had been left. The partridges, however, were immediately + sent back, and Matta, without examining into the cause, was glad to have + them again. He went to court without ever changing his clothes, or in the + least considering he ought not to appear there without his lady’s colours. + He found her becomingly dressed; her eyes appeared to him more than + usually sparkling, and her whole person altogether divine. He began from + that day to be much pleased with himself for his complaisance to the + Chevalier de Grammont; however, he could not help remarking that she + looked but coldly upon him. This appeared to him a very extraordinary + return for his services, and, imagining that she was unmindful of her + weighty obligations to him, he entered into conversation with her, and + severely reprimanded her for having sent back his partridges with so much + indifference. + </p> + <p> + She did not understand what he meant; and highly offended that he did not + apologize, after the reprimand which she concluded him to have received, + told him that he certainly had met with ladies of very complying + dispositions in his travels, as he seemed to give to himself airs that she + was by no means accustomed to endure. Matta desired to know wherein he + could be said to have given himself any. “Wherein?” said she: “the second + day that you honoured me with your attentions, you treated me as if I had + been your humble servant for a thousand years; the first time that I gave + you my hand you squeezed it as violently as you were able. After this + commencement of your courtship, I got into my coach, and you mounted your + horse; but instead of riding by the side of the coach, as any reasonable + gallant would have done, no sooner did a hare start from her form, than + you immediately galloped full speed after her; having regaled yourself, + during the promenade, by taking snuff, without ever deigning to bestow a + thought on me, the only proof you gave me, on your return, that you + recollected me, was by soliciting me to surrender my reputation in terms + polite enough, but very explicit. And now you talk to me of having been + shooting of partridges and of some visit or other, which, I suppose, you + have been dreaming of, as well as of all the rest.” + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont now advanced, to the interruption of this + whimsical dialogue. Matta was rebuked for his forwardness, and his friend + took abundant pains to convince him that his conduct bordered more upon + insolence than familiarity. Matta endeavoured to exculpate himself, but + succeeded ill. His mistress took compassion upon him, and consented to + admit his excuses, for the manner, rather than his repentance for the + fact, and declared that it was the intention alone which could either + justify or condemn, in such cases; that it was very easy to pardon those + transgressions which arise from excess of tenderness, but not such as + proceeded from too great a presumption of success. Matta swore that he + only squeezed her hand from the violence of his passion, and that he had + been driven, by necessity, to ask her to relieve it; that he was yet a + novice in the arts of solicitation; that he could not possibly think her + more worthy of his affection, after a month’s service, than at the present + moment; and that he entreated her to cast away an occasional thought upon + him when her leisure admitted. The Marchioness was not offended, she saw + very well that she must require an implicit conformity to the established + rule of decorum, when she had to deal with such a character; and the + Chevalier de Grammont, after this sort of reconciliation, went to look + after his own affair with Mademoiselle de St. Germain. + </p> + <p> + His concern was not the offspring of mere good nature, nay, it was the + reverse; for no sooner did he perceive that the Marchioness looked with an + eye of favour upon him, than this conquest, appearing to him to be more + easy than the other, he thought it was prudent to take advantage of it, + for fear of losing the opportunity, and that he might not have spent all + his time to no purpose, in case he should prove unsuccessful with the + little St. Germain. + </p> + <p> + In the mean time, in order to maintain that authority which he had usurped + over the conduct of his friend, he, that very evening, notwithstanding + what had been already said, reprimanded him for presuming to appear at + court in his morning suit, and without his mistress’s badge; for not + having had the wit or prudence to pay his first visit to the Marquis de + Senantes, instead of consuming his time, to no purpose, in inquiries for + the lady; and, to conclude, he asked him what the devil he meant by + presenting her with a brace of miserable red partridges. “And why not?” + said Matta: “ought they to have been blue, too, to match the cockade and + sword-knots you made me wear the other day? Plague not me with your + nonsensical whimsies: my life on it, in one fortnight your equal in + foppery and folly will not be found throughout the confines of Turin; but, + to reply to your questions, I did not call upon Monsieur de Senantes, + because I had nothing to do with him, and because he is of a species of + animals which I dislike, and always shall dislike: as for you, you appear + quite charmed with being decked out in green ribands, with writing letters + to your mistress, and filling your pockets with citrons, pistachios, and + such sort of stuff, with which you are always cramming the poor girl’s + mouth, in spite of her teeth: you hope to succeed by chanting ditties + composed in the days of Corisande and of Henry IV., which you will swear + yourself have made upon her: happy in practising the ceremonials of + gallantry, you have no ambition for the essentials. Very well: every one + has a particular way of acting, as well as a particular taste: your’s is + to trifle in love; and, provided you can make Mademoiselle de St. Germain + laugh, you are satisfied: as for my part, I am persuaded, that women here + are made of the same materials as in other places; and I do not think that + they can be mightily offended, if one sometimes leaves off trifling, to + come to the point: however, if the Marchioness is not of this way of + thinking, she may e’en provide herself elsewhere; for I can assure her, + that I shall not long act the part of her squire.” + </p> + <p> + This was an unnecessary menace; for the Marchioness in reality liked him + very well, was nearly of the same way of thinking herself, and wished for + nothing more than to put his gallantry to the test. But Matta proceeded + upon a wrong plan; he had conceived such an aversion for her husband, that + he could not prevail upon himself to make the smallest advance towards his + good graces. He was given to understand that he ought to begin by + endeavouring to lull the dragon to sleep, before he could gain possession + of the treasure; but this was all to no purpose, though, at the same time, + he could never see his mistress but in public. This made him impatient, + and as he was lamenting his ill-fortune to her one day: “Have the + goodness, madam,” said he, “to let me know where you live: there is never + a day that I do not call upon you, at least, three or four times, without + ever being blessed with a sight of you.” “I generally sleep at home,” + replied she, laughing; “but I must tell you, that you will never find me + there, if you do not first pay a visit to the Marquis: I am not mistress + of the house. I do not tell you,” continued she, “that he is a man whose + acquaintance any one would very impatiently covet for his conversation: on + the contrary, I agree that his humour is fantastical, and his manners not + of the pleasing cast; but there is nothing so savage and inhuman, which a + little care, attention, and complaisance may not tame into docility. I + must repeat to you some verses upon the subject: I have got them by heart, + because they contain a little advice, which you may accommodate, if you + please, to your own case.” + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + RONDEAU. Keep in mind these maxims rare, You who hope to win the fair; + Who are, or would esteemed be, The quintessence of gallantry. That + fopp’ry, grinning, and grimace, And fertile store of common-place; That + oaths as false as dicers swear, And Wry teeth, and scented hair; That + trinkets, and the pride of dress, Can only give your scheme success. + Keep in mind. Has thy charmer e’er an aunt? Then learn the rules of + woman’s cant, And forge a tale, and swear you read it, Such as, save + woman, none would credit Win o’er her confidante and pages By gold, for + this a golden age is; And should it be her wayward fate, To be + encumbered with a mate, A dull, old dotard should he be, That dulness + claims thy courtesy. Keep in mind. + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + “Truly,” said Matta, “the song may say what it pleases, but I cannot put + it in practice: your husband is far too exquisite a monster for me. Why, + what a plaguey odd ceremony do you require of us in this country, if we + cannot pay our compliments to the wife without being in love with the + husband!” + </p> + <p> + The Marchioness was much offended at this answer; and as she thought she + had done enough in pointing out to him the path which would conduct him to + success, if he had deserved it, she did not think it worth while to enter + into any farther explanation; since he refused to cede, for her salve, so + trilling an objection: from this instant she resolved to have done with + him. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont had taken leave of his mistress nearly at the + same time: the ardour of his pursuit was extinguished. It was not that + Mademoiselle de Saint Germain was less worthy than hitherto of his + attentions: on the contrary her attractions visibly increased: she retired + to her pillow with a thousand charms, and ever rose from it with + additional beauty the phrase of increasing in beauty as she increased in + years seemed to have been purposely made for her. The Chevalier could not + deny these truths, but yet he could not find his account in them: a little + less merit, with a little less discretion, would have been more agreeable. + He perceived that she attended to him with pleasure, that she was diverted + with his stories as much as he could wish, and that she received his + billets and presents without scruple; but then he also discovered that she + did not wish to proceed any farther. He had exhausted every species of + address upon her, and all to no purpose: her attendant was gained: her + family, charmed with the music of his conversation and his great + attention, were never happy without him: in short, he had reduced to + practice the advice contained in the Marchioness’s song, and everything + conspired to deliver the little Saint Germain into his hands, if the + little Saint Germain had herself been willing: but alas! she was not + inclined. It was in vain he told her the favour he desired would cost her + nothing; and that since these treasures were rarely comprised in the + fortune a lady brings with her in marriage, she would never find any + person, who, by unremitting tenderness, unwearied attachment, and + inviolable secrecy, would prove more worthy of them than himself. He then + told her no husband was ever able to convey a proper idea of the sweets of + love, and that nothing could be more different than the passionate + fondness of a lover, always tender, always affectionate, yet always + respectful, and the careless indifference of a husband. + </p> + <p> + Mademoiselle de Saint Germain, not wishing to take the matter in a serious + light, that she might not be forced to resent it, answered, that since it + was generally the custom in her country to marry, she thought it was right + to conform to it, without entering into the knowledge of those + distinctions, and those marvellous particulars, which she did not very + well understand, and of which she did not wish to have any further + explanation; that she had submitted to listen to him this one time, but + desired he would never speak to her again in the same strain, since such + sort of conversation was neither entertaining to her, nor could be + serviceable to him. Though no one was ever more facetious than + Mademoiselle de Saint Germain, she yet knew how to assume a very serious + air, when ever occasion required it. The Chevalier de Grammont soon saw + that she was in earnest; and finding it would cost him a great deal of + time to effect a change in her sentiments, he was so far cooled in this + pursuit, that he only made use of it to hide the designs he had upon the + Marchioness de Senantes. + </p> + <p> + He found this lady much disgusted at Matta’s want of complaisance; and his + seeming contempt for her erased every favourable impression which she had + once entertained for him. While she was in this humour, the Chevalier told + her that her resentment was just; he exaggerated the loss which his friend + had sustained; he told her that her charms were a thousand times superior + to those of the little Saint Germain, and requested that favour for + himself which his friend did not deserve. He was soon favourably heard + upon this topic; and as soon as they were agreed, they consulted upon two + measures necessary to be taken, the one to deceive her husband, the other + his friend, which was not very difficult: Matta was not at all suspicious: + and the stupid Senantes, towards whom the Chevalier had already behaved as + Matta had refused to do, could not be easy without him. This was much more + than was wanted; for as soon as ever the Chevalier was with the + Marchioness, her husband immediately joined them out of politeness; and on + no account would have left them alone together, for fear they should grow + weary of each other without him. + </p> + <p> + Matta, who all this time was entirely ignorant that he was disgraced, + continued to serve his mistress in his own way. She had agreed with the + Chevalier de Grammont, that to all appearance everything should be carried + on as before; so that the court always believed that the Marchioness only + thought of Matta, and that the Chevalier was entirely devoted to + Mademoiselle de Saint Germain. + </p> + <p> + There were very frequently little lotteries for trinkets: the Chevalier de + Grammont always tried his fortune, and was sometimes fortunate; and under + pretence of the prizes he had won, he bought a thousand things which he + indiscreetly gave to the Marchioness, and which she still more + indiscreetly accepted: the little Saint Germain very seldom received any + thing. There are meddling whisperers everywhere: remarks were made upon + these proceedings; and the same person that made them communicated them + likewise to Mademoiselle de Saint Germain. She pretended to laugh, but in + reality was piqued. It is a maxim religiously observed by the fair sex, to + envy each other those indulgences which themselves refuse. She took this + very ill of the Marchioness. On the other hand, Matta was asked if he was + not old enough to make his own presents himself to the Marchioness de + Senantes, without sending them by the Chevalier de Grammont. This roused + him; for of himself, he would never have perceived it: his suspicions, + however, were but slight, and he was willing to have them removed. “I must + confess,” said he to the Chevalier de Grammont, “that they make love here + quite in a new style; a man serves here without reward: he addresses + himself to the husband when he is in love with the wife, and makes + presents to another man’s mistress, to get into the good graces of his + own. The Marchioness is much obliged to you for——-” + </p> + <p> + “It is you who are obliged,” replied the Chevalier, “since thus was done + on your account: I was ashamed to find you had never yet thought of + presenting her with any trifling token of your attention: do you know that + the people of this court have such extraordinary notions, as to think that + it is rather owing to inadvertency that you never yet have had the spirit + to make your mistress the smallest present? For shame! how ridiculous it + is, that you can never think for yourself?” + </p> + <p> + Matta took this rebuke, without making any answer, being persuaded that he + had in some measure deserved it: besides, he was neither sufficiently + jealous, nor sufficiently amorous, to think any more of it; however, as it + was necessary for the Chevalier’s affairs that Matta should be acquainted + with the Marquis de Senantes, he plagued him so much about it, that at + last he complied. His friend introduced him, and his mistress seemed + pleased with this proof of complaisance, though she was resolved that he + should gain nothing by it; and the husband, being gratified with a piece + of civility which he had long expected, determined, that very evening, to + give them a supper at a little country seat of his, on the banks of the + river, very near the city. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont answering for them both, accepted the offer; and + as this was the only one Matta would not have refused from the Marquis, he + likewise consented. The Marquis came to convey them in his carriage at the + hour appointed; but he found only Matta. The Chevalier had engaged himself + to play, on purpose that they might go without him: Matta was for waiting + for him, so great was his fear of being left alone with the Marquis; but + the Chevalier having sent to desire them to go on before, and that he + would be with them as soon as he had finished his game, poor Matta was + obliged to set out with the man who, of all the world, was most offensive + to him. It was not the Chevalier’s intention quickly to extricate Matta + out of this embarrassment: he no sooner knew that they were gone, than he + waited on the Marchioness, under pretence of still finding her husband, + that they might all go together to supper. + </p> + <p> + The plot was in a fair way; and as the Marchioness was of opinion that + Matta’s indifference merited no better treatment from her, she made no + scruple of acting her part in it: she therefore waited for the Chevalier + de Grammont with intentions so much the more favourable, as she had for a + long time expected him, and had some curiosity to receive a visit from him + in the absence of her husband. We may therefore suppose that this first + opportunity would not have been lost, if Mademoiselle de Saint Germain had + not unexpectedly come in, almost at the same time with the Chevalier. + </p> + <p> + She was more handsome and more entertaining that day than she had ever + been before; however, she appeared to them very ugly and very tiresome: + she soon perceived that her company was disagreeable, and being determined + that they should not be out of humour with her for nothing, after having + passed above a long half hour in diverting herself with their uneasiness, + and in playing a thousand monkey tricks, which she plainly saw could never + be more unseasonable, she pulled off her hood, scarf, and all that part of + her dress which ladies lay aside, when in a familiar manner they intend to + pass the day anywhere. The Chevalier de Grammont cursed her in his heart, + while she continued to torment him for being in such ill-humour in such + good company: at last the Marchioness, who was as much vexed as he was, + said rather drily that she was obliged to wait on her Royal Highness: + Mademoiselle de Saint Germain told her that she would have the honour to + accompany her, if it would not be disagreeable: she took not the smallest + notice of her offer; and the Chevalier, finding that it would be entirely + useless to prolong his visit at that time, retired with a good grace. + </p> + <p> + As soon as he had left the house, he sent one of his scouts to desire the + Marquis to sit down to table with his company without waiting for him, + because the game might not perhaps be finished as soon as he expected, but + that he would be with him before supper was over. Having despatched this + messenger, he placed a sentinel at the Marchioness’s door, in hopes that + the tedious Saint Germain might go out before her; but this was in vain, + for his spy came and told him, after an hour’s impatience and suspense, + that they were gone out together. He found there was no chance of seeing + her again that day, everything falling out contrary to his wishes; he was + forced therefore to leave the Marchioness, and go in quest of the Marquis. + </p> + <p> + While these things were going on in the city, Matta was not much diverted + in the country: as he was prejudiced against the Marquis, all that he said + displeased him: he cursed the Chevalier heartily for the tete-a-tete which + he had procured him; and he was upon the point of going away, when he + found that he was to sit down to supper without any other company. + </p> + <p> + However, as his host was very choice in his entertainments, and had the + best wine and the best cook in all Piedmont, the sight of the first course + appeased him; and eating most voraciously, without paying any attention to + the Marquis, he flattered himself that the supper would end without any + dispute; but he was mistaken. + </p> + <p> + When the Chevalier de Grammont was at first endeavouring to bring about an + intercourse between the Marquis and Matta, he had given a very + advantageous character of the latter, to make the former more desirous of + his acquaintance; and in the display of a thousand other accomplishments, + knowing what an infatuation the Marquis had for the very name of + erudition, he assured him that Matta was one of the most learned men in + Europe. + </p> + <p> + The Marquis, therefore, from the moment they sat down to supper, had + expected some stroke of learning from Matta, to bring his own into play; + but he was much out in his reckoning; no one had read less, no one thought + less, and no one had ever spoken so little at an entertainment as he had + done as he did not wish to enter into conversation, he opened his mouth + only to eat, or ask for wine. + </p> + <p> + The other, being offended at a silence which appeared to him affected, and + wearied with having uselessly attacked him upon other subjects, thought he + might get something out of him by changing the discourse of love and + gallantry; and therefore, to begin the subject, he accosted him in this + manner: + </p> + <p> + “Since you are my wife’s gallant—” “I!” said Matta who wished to + carry it discreetly: “those who told you so, told a damned lie.” “Zounds, + sir,” said the Marquis, “you speak in a tone which does not at all become + you; for I would have you to know, notwithstanding your contemptuous airs, + that the Marchioness de Senantes is perhaps as worthy of your attentions + as any of your French ladies, and that I have known some greatly your + superiors, who have thought it an honour to serve her.” “Very well,” said + Matta, “I think she is very deserving, and since you insist upon it, I am + her servant and gallant, to oblige you.” + </p> + <p> + “You think, perhaps,” continued the other, “that the same custom prevails + in this country as in your own, and that the ladies have lovers, with no + other intentions than to grant them favours: undeceive yourself if you + please, and know, likewise, that even if such events were frequent in this + court, I should not be at all uneasy.” “Nothing can be more civil,” said + Matta; “but wherefore would you not?” “I will tell you why,” replied he: + “I am well acquainted with the affection my wife entertains for me: I am + acquainted with her discretion towards all the world; and, what is more, I + am acquainted with my own merit.” + </p> + <p> + “You have a most uncommon acquaintance then,” replied Matta; “I + congratulate you upon it; I have the honour to drink it in a bumper.” The + Marquis pledged him; but seeing that the conversation dropped on their + ceasing to drink, after two or three healths, he wished to make a second + attempt, and attack Matta on his strong side, that is to say, on his + learning. + </p> + <p> + He desired him, therefore, to tell him, at what time he thought the + Allobroges came to settle in Piedmont. Matta, who wished him and his + Allobroges at the devil, said, that it must be in the time of the civil + wars. “I doubt that,” said the other. “Just as you like,” said Matta. + “Under what consulate?” replied the Marquis: “Under that of the League,” + said Matta, “when the Guises brought the Lansquenets into France; but what + the devil does that signify?” + </p> + <p> + The Marquis was tolerably warm, and naturally savage, so that God knows + how the conversation would have ended, if the Chevalier de Grammont had + not unexpectedly come in to appease them. It was some time before he could + find out what their debate was; for the one had forgotten the questions, + and the other the answers, which had disobliged him, in order to reproach + the Chevalier with his eternal passion for play, which made him always + uncertain. The Chevalier, who knew that he was still more culpable than + they thought, bore it all with patience, and condemned himself more than + they desired: this appeased them; and the entertainment ended with greater + tranquillity than it had begun. The conversation was again reduced to + order; but he could not enliven it as he usually did. He was in very ill + humour, and as he pressed them every minute to rise from table, the + Marquis was of opinion that he had lost a great deal. Matta said, on the + contrary, that he had won; but for want of precautions had made perhaps an + unfortunate retreat; and asked him if he had not stood in need of Serjeant + La Place, with his ambuscade. + </p> + <p> + This piece of history was beyond the comprehension of the Marquis, and + being afraid that Matta might explain it, the Chevalier changed the + discourse, and was for rising from table; but Matta would not consent to + it. This effected a reconciliation between him and the Marquis, who + thought this was a piece of civility intended for him; however, it was not + for him, but for his wine, to which Matta had taken a prodigious liking. + </p> + <p> + The Duchess, who knew the character of the Marquis, was charmed with the + account which the Chevalier de Grammont gave her of the entertainment and + conversation: she sent for Matta to know the truth of it from himself: he + confessed, that before the Allobroges were mentioned the Marquis was for + quarrelling with him, because he was not in love with his wife. + </p> + <p> + Their acquaintance having begun in this manner, all the esteem which the + Marquis had formerly expressed for the Chevalier seemed now directed + towards Matta: he went every day to pay Matta a visit, and Matta was every + day with his wife. This did not at all suit the Chevalier: he repented of + his having chid Matta, whose assiduity now interrupted all his schemes; + and the Marchioness was still more embarrassed. Whatever wit a man may + have, it will never please where his company is disliked; and she repented + that she had been formerly guilty of some trifling advances towards him. + </p> + <p> + Matta began to find charms in her person, and might have found the same in + her conversation, if she had been inclined to display them; but it is + impossible to be in good humour with persons who thwart our designs. While + his passion increased, the Chevalier de Grammont was solely occupied in + endeavouring to find out some method, by which he might accomplish his + intrigue; and this was the stratagem which he put in execution to clear + the coast, by removing, at one and the same time, both the lover and the + husband. + </p> + <p> + He told Matta, that they ought to invite the Marquis to supper at their + lodgings, and he would take upon himself to provide everything proper for + the occasion. Matta desired to know if it was to play at quinze, and + assured him that he should take care to render abortive any intention he + might have to engage in play, and leave him alone with the greatest + blockhead in all Europe. The Chevalier de Grammont did not entertain any + such thought, being persuaded that it would be impossible to take + advantage of any such opportunity, in whatever manner he might take his + measures, and that they would seek for him in every corner of the city + rather than allow him the least repose: his whole attention was therefore + employed in rendering the entertainment agreeable, in finding out means of + prolonging it, in order ultimately to kindle some dispute between the + Marquis and Matta. For this purpose he put himself in the best humour in + the world, and the wine produced the same effect on the rest of the + company. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont expressed his concern, that he had not been able + to give the Marquis a little concert, as he had intended in the morning; + for the musicians had been all pre-engaged. Upon this the Marquis + undertook to have them at his country-house the following evening, and + invited the same company to sup with him there. Matta asked what the devil + they wanted with music, and maintained that it was of no use on such + occasions but for women who had something to say to their lovers, while + the fiddles prevented them from being overheard, or for fools who had + nothing to say when the music ended. They ridiculed all his arguments: the + party was fixed for the next day, and the music was voted by the majority + of voices. The Marquis, to console Matta, as well as to do honour to the + entertainment, toasted a great many healths: Matta was more ready to + listen to his arguments on this topic than in a dispute; but the + Chevalier, perceiving that a little would irritate them, desired nothing + more earnestly than to see them engaged in some new controversy. It was in + vain that he had from time to time started some subject of discourse with + this intention; but having luckily thought of asking what was his lady’s + maiden name, Senantes, who was a great genealogist, as all fools are who + have good memories, immediately began by tracing out her family, by an + endless confused string of lineage. The Chevalier seemed to listen to him + with great attention; and perceiving that Matta was almost out of + patience, he desired him to attend to what the Marquis was saying, for + that nothing could be more entertaining. “All this may be very true,” said + Matta; “but for my part, I must confess, if I were married, I should + rather choose to inform myself who was the real father of my children, + than who were my wife’s grand fathers.” The Marquis, smiling at this + rudeness, did not leave off until he had traced back the ancestors of his + spouse, from line to line, as far as Yolande de Senantes: after this he + offered to prove, in less than half an hour, that the Grammonts came + originally from Spain. “Very well,” said Matta, “and pray what does it + signify to us from whence the Grammonts are descended? Do not you know, + sir, that it is better to know nothing at all, than to know too much?” + </p> + <p> + The Marquis maintained the contrary with great warmth, and was preparing a + formal argument to prove that an ignorant man is a fool; but the Chevalier + de Grammont, who was thoroughly acquainted with Matta saw very clearly + that he would send the logician to the devil before he should arrive at + the conclusion of his syllogism: for which reason, interposing as soon as + they began to raise their voices, he told them it was ridiculous to + quarrel about an affair in itself so trivial, and treated the matter in a + serious light, that it might make the greater impression. Thus supper + terminated peaceably, owing to the care he took to suppress all disputes, + and to substitute plenty of wine in their stead. + </p> + <p> + The next day Matta went to the chase, the Chevalier de Grammont to the + bagnio, and the Marquis to his country house. While the latter was making + the necessary preparations for his guests, not forgetting the music, and + Matta pursuing his game to get an appetite, the Chevalier was meditating + on the execution of his project. + </p> + <p> + As soon as he had regulated his plan of operations in his own mind, he + privately sent anonymous intelligence to the officer of the guard at the + palace that the Marquis de Senantes had had some words with Monsieur de + Matta the preceding night at supper; that the one had gone out in the + morning; and the other could not be found in the city. + </p> + <p> + Madame Royale, alarmed at this advice, immediately sent for the Chevalier + de Grammont: he appeared surprised when her highness mentioned the affair: + he confessed, indeed, that some high words had passed between them, but + that he did not believe either of them would have remembered them the next + day. He said that if no mischief had yet taken place, the best way would + be to secure them both until the morning, and that if they could be found, + he would undertake to reconcile them, and to obliterate all grievances: in + this there was no great difficulty. On inquiry at the Marquis’s they were + informed that he was gone to his country-house: there certainly he was, + and there they found him; the officer put him under an arrest, without + assigning any reason for so doing, and left him in very great surprise. + </p> + <p> + Immediately upon Matta’s return from hunting, her Royal Highness sent the + same officer to desire him to give her his word that he would not stir out + that evening. This compliment very much surprised him, more particularly + as no reason was assigned for it. He was expected at a good entertainment + he was dying with hunger, and nothing appeared to him more unreasonable + than to oblige him to stay at home, in a situation like the present; but + he had given his word, and not knowing to what this might tend, his only + resource was to send for his friend; but his friend did not come to him + until his return from the country. He had there found the Marquis in the + midst of his fiddlers, and very much vexed to find himself a prisoner in + his own house on account of Matta, whom he was waiting for in order to + feast him: he complained of him bitterly to the Chevalier de Grammont: he + said that he did not believe that he had offended him; but that, since he + was very desirous of a quarrel, he desired the Chevalier to acquaint him, + if he felt the least displeasure on the present occasion, he should, on + the very first opportunity, receive what is called satisfaction. The + Chevalier de Grammont assured him that no such thought had ever entered + the mind of Matta; that on the contrary, he knew that he very greatly + esteemed him; that all this could alone arise from the extreme tenderness + of his lady, who, being alarmed upon the report of the servants who waited + at table, must have gone to her Royal Highness, in order to prevent any + unpleasant consequences; that he thought this the more probable, as he had + often told the Marchioness, when speaking of Matta, that he was the best + swordsman in France; for, in truth, the poor gentleman had never fought + without having the misfortune of killing his man. + </p> + <p> + The Marquis, being a little pacified, said he was very much obliged to + him, that he would severely chide his wife for her unseasonable + tenderness, and that he was extremely desirous of again enjoying the + pleasure of his dear friend Matta’s company. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont assured him that he would use all his endeavours + for that purpose, and at the same time gave strict charge to his guard not + to let him escape without orders from the Court, as he seemed fully bent + upon fighting, and they would be responsible for him: there was no + occasion to say more to have him strictly watched, though there was no + necessity for it. + </p> + <p> + One being thus safely lodged, his next step was to secure the other: he + returned immediately to town: and as soon as Matta saw him, “What the + devil,” said he, “is the meaning of this farce which I am obliged to act? + for my part, I cannot understand the foolish customs of this country; how + comes it that they make me a prisoner upon my parole?” “How comes it?” + said the Chevalier de Grammont, “it is because you yourself are far more + unaccountable than all their customs; you cannot help disputing with a + peevish fellow, whom you ought only to laugh at; some officious footman + has no doubt been talking of your last night’s dispute; you were seen to + go out of town in the morning, and the Marquis soon after; was not this + sufficient to make her Royal Highness think herself obliged to take these + precautions? The Marquis is in custody; they have only required your + parole; so far, therefore, from taking the affair in the sense you do, I + should send very humbly to thank her Highness for the kindness she has + manifested towards you in putting you under arrest, since it is only on + your account that she interests herself in the affair. I shall take a walk + to the palace, where I will endeavour to unravel this mystery; in the mean + time, as there is but little probability that the matter should be settled + this evening, you would do well to order supper; for I shall come back to + you immediately.” + </p> + <p> + Matta charged him not to fail to express to her Royal Highness the + grateful sense he had of her favour, though in truth he as little feared + the Marquis as he loved him; and it is impossible to express the degree of + his fortitude in stronger terms. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont returned in about half an hour, with two or + three gentlemen whom Matta had got acquainted with at the chase, and who, + upon the report of the quarrel, waited upon him, and each offered him + separately his services against the unassisted and pacific Marquis. Matta + having returned them his thanks, insisted upon their staying supper, and + put on his robe de chambre. + </p> + <p> + As soon as the Chevalier de Grammont perceived that every thing coincided + with his wishes, and that towards the end of the entertainment the toasts + went merrily round, he knew he was sure of his man till next day: then + taking him aside with the permission of the company, and making use of a + false confidence in order to disguise a real treachery, he acquainted him, + after having sworn him several times to secrecy, that he had at last + prevailed upon the little Saint Germain to grant him an interview that + night; for which reason he would take his leave, under pretence of going + to play at Court; he therefore desired him fully to satisfy the company + that he would not have left them on any other account, as the Piedmontese + are naturally mistrustful. Matta promised he would manage this point with + discretion; that he would make an apology for him, and that there was no + occasion for his personally taking leave: then, after congratulating him + upon the happy posture of his affairs, he sent him away with all the + expedition and secrecy imaginable; so great was his fear lest his friend + should lose the present opportunity. + </p> + <p> + Matta then returned to the company, much pleased with the confidence which + had been placed in him, and with the share he had in the success of this + adventure. He put himself into the best humour imaginable in order to + divert the attention of his guests; he severely satirised those, whose + rage for gaming induced them to sacrifice to it every other consideration; + he loudly ridiculed the folly of the Chevalier upon this article, and + secretly laughed at the credulity of the Piedmontese, whom he had deceived + with so much ingenuity. + </p> + <p> + It was late at night before the company broke up, and Matta went to bed, + very well satisfied with what he had done for his friend; and, if we may + credit appearances, this friend enjoyed the fruit of his perfidy. The + amorous Marchioness received him like one who wished to enhance the value + of the favour she bestowed; her charms were far from being neglected; and + if there are any circumstances in which we may detest the traitor while we + profit by the treason, this was not one of them; and however successful + the Chevalier de Grammont was in his intrigues, it was not owing to him + that the contrary was not believed; but, be that as it may, being + convinced that in love whatever is gained by address is gained fairly, it + does not appear that he ever showed the smallest degree of repentance for + this trick. But it is now time for its to take him from the court of + Savoy, to see him shine in that of France. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0005" id="link2HCH0005"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER FIFTH. HE RETURNS TO THE COURT OF FRANCE—HIS ADVENTURES AT + THE SIEGE OF ARRAS—HIS REPLY TO CARDINAL MAZARIN—HE IS + BANISHED THE COURT + </h2> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont, upon his return to France, sustained, with the + greatest success, the reputation he had acquired abroad: alert in play, + active and vigilant in love; sometimes successful, and always feared, in + his intrigues; in war alike prepared for the events of good or ill + fortune; possessing an inexhaustible fund of pleasantry in the former, and + full of expedients and dexterity in the latter. + </p> + <p> + Zealously attached to the Prince de Conde from inclination, he was a + witness, and, if we may be allowed to say it, his companion, in the glory + he had acquired at the celebrated battles of Lens, Norlinguen, and + Fribourg; and the details he so frequently gave of them were far from + diminishing their lustre. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Louis of Bourbon, Duke d’Enghien, afterwards, by the death of his + father in 1656, Prince de Conde. Of this great man Cardinal de Retz + says, “He was born a general, which never happened but to Caesar, to + Spinola, and to himself. He has equalled the first: he has surpassed the + second. Intrepidity is one of the least shining strokes in his + character. Nature had formed him with a mind as great as his courage. + Fortune, in setting him out in a time of wars, has given this last a + full extent to work in: his birth, or rather his education, in a family + devoted and enslaved to the court, has kept the first within too + straight bounds. He was not taught time enough the great and general + maxims which alone are able to form men to think always consistently. He + never had time to learn them of himself, because he was prevented from + his youth, by the great affairs that fell unexpectedly to his share, and + by the continual success he met with. This defect in him was the cause, + that with the soul in the world the least inclined to evil, he has + committed injuries; that with the heart of an Alexander, he has, like + him, had his failings; that with a wonderful understanding, he has acted + imprudently; that having all the qualities which the Duke Francis of + Guise had, he has not served the state in some occasions so well as he + ought; and that having likewise having all the qualities of the Duke + Henry of Guise, he has not carried faction so far as he might. He could + not come up to the height of his merit; which, though it be a defect, + must yet be owned to be very uncommon, and only to be found in persons + of the greatest abilities.”] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + So long as he had only some scruples of conscience, and a thousand + interests to sacrifice, he quitted all to follow a man, whom strong + motives and resentments, which in some manner appeared excusable, had + withdrawn from the paths of rectitude: he adhered to him in his first + disgrace, with a constancy of which there are few examples; but he could + not submit to the injuries which he afterwards received, and which such an + inviolable attachment so little merited. Therefore, without fearing any + reproach for a conduct which sufficiently justified itself, as he had + formerly deviated from his duty by entering into the service of the Prince + de Conde, he thought he had a right to leave him to return again to his + duty. + </p> + <p> + His peace was soon made at Court, where many, far more culpable than + himself, were immediately received into favour, when they desired it; for + the queen, still terrified at the dangers into which the civil wars had + plunged the State at the commencement of her regency, endeavoured by + lenient measures to conciliate the minds of the people. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Anne of Austria, daughter of Philip III. of Spain, widow of Louis + XIII., to whom she was married in 1615, and mother of Louis XIV. She + died in 1666. Cardinal de Retz speaks of her in the following terms. + “The queen had more than anybody whom I ever knew, of that sort of wit + which was necessary for her not to appear a fool to those that did not + know her. She had in her more of harshness than haughtiness; more of + haughtiness than of greatness; more of outward appearance than reality; + more regard to money than liberality; more of liberality than of + self-interest; more of self-interest than disinterestedness: she was + more tied to persons by habit than by affection; she had more of + insensibility than of cruelty; she had a better memory for injuries than + for benefits; her intention towards piety was greater than her piety; + she had in her more of obstinacy than of firmness; and more incapacity + than of all the rest which I mentioned before.” Memoirs, vol. i., p. + 247.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + The policy of the minister was neither sanguinary nor revengeful: his + favourite maxim was rather to appease the minds of the discontented by + lenity, than to have recourse to violent measures; to be content with + losing nothing by the war, without being at the expense of gaining any + advantage from the enemy; to suffer his character to be very severely + handled, provided he could amass much wealth, and to spin out the minority + to the greatest possible extent. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Cardinal Mazarin, who, during a few of the latter years of his life, + governed France. He died at Vincennes the 9th of March 1661, aged 59 + years, leaving as heir to his name and property the Alarquis de la + Meilleray, who married his niece, and took the title of Duke of Mazarin. + On his death, Louis XIV. and the court appeared in mourning, an honour + not common, though Henry IV. had shewn it to the memory of Gabrielle + d’Estrees. Voltaire, who appears unwilling to ascribe much ability to + the cardinal, takes an opportunity, on occasion of his death, to make + the following observation. —“We cannot refrain from combating the + opinion, which supposes prodigious abilities, and a genius almost + divine, in those who have governed empires with some degree of success. + It is not a superior penetration that makes statesmen; it is their + character. All men, how inconsiderable soever their share of sense may + be, see their own interest nearly alike. A citizen of Bern or Amsterdam, + in this respect, is equal to Sejanus, Ximenes, Buckingham, Richelieu, or + Mazarin; but our conduct and our enterprises depend absolutely on our + natural dispositions, and our success depends upon fortune.” Age of + Louis XIV., chap. 5.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + His avidity to heap up riches was not alone confined to the thousand + different means, with which he was furnished by his authority, and the + situation in which he was placed: his whole pursuit was gain: he was + naturally fond of gaming; but he only played to enrich himself, and + therefore, whenever he found an opportunity, he cheated. + </p> + <p> + As he found the Chevalier de Grammont possessed a great deal of wit, and a + great deal of money, he was a man according to his wishes, and soon became + one of his set. The Chevalier soon perceived the artfulness and dishonesty + of the Cardinal, and thought it was allowable in him to put in practice + those talents which he had received from nature, not only in his own + defence, but even to attack him whenever an opportunity offered. This + would certainly be the place to mention these particulars; but who can + describe them with such ease and elegance as maybe expected by those who + have heard his own relation of them? Vain is the attempt to endeavour to + transcribe these entertaining anecdotes: their spirit seems to evaporate + upon paper; and in whatever light they are exposed the delicacy of their + colouring and their beauty is lost. + </p> + <p> + It is, then, enough to say, that upon all occasions where address was + reciprocally employed, the Chevalier gained the advantage; and that if he + paid his court badly to the minister, he had the consolation to find, that + those who suffered themselves to be cheated, in the end gained no great + advantage from their complaisance; for they always continued in an abject + submission, while the Chevalier de Grammont, on a thousand different + occasions, never put himself under the least restraint. Of which the + following is one instance: + </p> + <p> + The Spanish army, commanded by the Prince de Conde and the archduke,—[Leopold, + brother of the Emperor Ferdinand the III.]—besieged Arras. The Court + was advanced as far as Peronne.—[A little bat strong town, standing + among marshes on the river Somme, in Picardy.]—The enemy, by the + capture of this place, would have procured a reputation for their army of + which they were in great need; as the French, for a considerable time + past, had evinced a superiority in every engagement. + </p> + <p> + The Prince supported a tottering party, as far as their usual inactivity + and irresolution permitted him; but as in the events of war it is + necessary to act independently on some occasions, which, if once suffered + to escape, can never be retrieved; for want of this power it frequently + happened that his great abilities were of no avail. The Spanish infantry + had never recovered itself since the battle of Rocroy;—[This famous + battle was fought and won 19th May, 1643, five days after the death of + Louis XIII.]—and he who had ruined them by that victory, by fighting + against them, was the only man who now, by commanding their army, was + capable of repairing the mischief he had done them. But the jealousy of + the generals, and the distrust attendant upon their counsels, tied up his + hands. + </p> + <p> + Nevertheless, the siege of Arras was vigorously carried on. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Voltaire observes, that it was the fortune of Turenne and Conde to be + always victorious when they fought at the head of the French, and to be + vanquished when they commanded the Spaniards. This was Conde’s fate + before Arras, August 25, 1654, when he and the archduke besieged that + city. Turenne attacked them in their camp, and forced their lines: the + troops of the archduke were cut to pieces; and Conde, with two regiments + of French and Lorrainers, alone sustained the efforts of Turenne’s army; + and, while the archduke was flying, he defeated the Marshal de + Hoquincourt, repulsed the Marshal de la Ferte, and retreated + victoriously himself, by covering the retreat of the vanquished + Spaniards. The king of Spain, in his letter to him after this + engagement, had these words: “I have been informed that everything was + lost, and that you have recovered everything.”] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + The Cardinal was very sensible how dishonourable it would be to suffer + this place to be taken under his nose, and almost in sight of the king. On + the other hand, it was very hazardous to attempt its relief, the Prince de + Conde being a man who never neglected the smallest precaution for the + security of his lines; and if lines are attacked and not forced, the + greatest danger threatens the assailants. For, the more furious the + assault, the greater is the disorder in the retreat; and no man in the + world knew so well as the Prince de Conde how to make the best use of an + advantage. The army, commanded by Monsieur de Turenne, was considerably + weaker than that of the enemy; it was, likewise, the only resource they + had to depend upon. If this army was defeated, the loss of Arras was not + the only misfortune to be dreaded. + </p> + <p> + The Cardinal, whose genius was happily adapted to such junctures, where + deceitful negotiations could extricate him out of difficulties, was filled + with terror at the sight of imminent danger, or of a decisive event: he + was of opinion to lay siege to some other place, the capture of which + might prove an indemnification for the loss of Arras; but Monsieur de + Turenne, who was altogether of a different opinion from the Cardinal, + resolved to march towards the enemy, and did not acquaint him with his + intentions until he was upon his march. The courier arrived in the midst + of his distress, and redoubled his apprehensions and alarms; but there was + then no remedy. + </p> + <p> + The Marshal, whose great reputation had gained him the confidence of the + troops, had determined upon his measures before an express order from the + Court could prevent him. This was one of those occasions in which the + difficulties you encounter heighten the glory of success. Though the + general’s capacity, in some measure, afforded comfort to the Court, they + nevertheless were upon the eve of an event, which in one way or other must + terminate both their hopes and their fears while the rest of the courtiers + were giving various opinions concerning the issue, the Chevalier de + Grammont determined to be an eye-witness of it; a resolution which greatly + surprised the court; for those who had seen as many actions as he had, + seemed to be exempted from such eagerness; but it was in vain that his + friends opposed his resolutions. + </p> + <p> + The king was pleased with his intention; and the queen appeared no less + satisfied. He assured her that he would bring her good news; and she + promised to embrace him, if he was as good as his word. The Cardinal made + the same promise: to the latter, however, he did not pay much attention; + yet he believed it sincere, because the keeping of it would cost him + nothing. + </p> + <p> + He set out in the dusk of the evening with Caseau, whom Monsieur de + Turenne had sent express to their majesties. The Duke of York, and the + Marquis d’Humieres, commanded under the Marshal: the latter was upon duty + when the Chevalier arrived, it being scarce daylight. The Duke of York did + not at first recollect him; but the Marquis d’Humieres, running to him + with open arms, “I thought,” said he, “if any man came from court to pay + us a visit upon such an occasion as this, it would be the Chevalier de + Grammont. Well,” continued he, “what are they doing at Peronne?” + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Louis de Crevans, Marechal of France. He died 1694. Voltaire says of + him, that he was the first who, at the siege of Arras, in 1658, was + served in silver in the trenches, and had ragouts and entremets served + up to his table.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + “They are in great consternation,” replied the Chevalier. “And what do + they think of us?” “They think,” said he, “that if you beat the Prince, + you will do no more than your duty; if you are beaten, they will think you + fools and madmen, thus to have risked everything, without considering the + consequences.” “Truly,” said the Marquis, “you bring us very comfortable + news. Will you now go to Monsieur de Turenne’s quarters, to acquaint him + with it; or will you choose rather to repose yourself in mine? for you + have been riding post all last night, and perhaps did not experience much + rest in the preceding.” “Where have you heard that the Chevalier de + Grammont had ever any occasion for sleep?” replied he: “Only order me a + horse, that I may have the honour to attend the Duke of York; for, most + likely, he is not in the field so early, except to visit some posts.” + </p> + <p> + The advanced guard was only at cannon shot from that of the enemy. As soon + as they arrived there, “I should like,” said the Chevalier de Grammont, + “to advance as far as the sentry which is posted on that eminence: I have + some friends and acquaintance in their army, whom I should wish to inquire + after: I hope the Duke of York will give me permission.” At these words he + advanced. The sentry, seeing him come forward directly to his post, stood + upon his guard the Chevalier stopped as soon as he was within shot of him. + The sentry answered the sign which was made to him, and made another to + the officer, who had begun to advance as soon as he had seen the Chevalier + come forward, and was soon up with him; but seeing the Chevalier de + Grammont alone, he made no difficulty to let him approach. He desired + leave of this officer to inquire after some relations he had in their + army, and at the same time asked if the Duke d’Arscot was at the siege. + “Sir,” said he, “there he is, just alighted under those trees, which you + see on the left of our grand guard: it is hardly a minute since he was + here with the Prince d’Aremberg, his brother, the Baron de Limbec, and + Louvigny.” “May I see them upon parole?” said the Chevalier. “Sir,” said + he, “if I were allowed to quit my post, I would do myself the honour of + accompanying you thither; but I will send to acquaint them, that the + Chevalier de Grammont desires to speak to them:” and, after having + despatched one of his guard towards them, he returned. “Sir,” said the + Chevalier de Grammont, “may I take the liberty to inquire how I came to be + known to you?” “Is it possible,” said the other, “that the Chevalier de + Grammont should forget La Motte, who had the honour to serve so long in + his regiment?” “What! is it you, my good friend, La Motte? Truly, I was to + blame for not remembering you, though you are in a dress very different + from that which I first saw you in at Bruxelles, when you taught the + Duchess of Guise to dance the triolets: and I am afraid your affairs are + not in so flourishing a condition as they were the campaign after I had + given you the company you mention.” They were talking in this manner, when + the Duke d’Arscot, followed by the gentlemen above mentioned, came up on + full gallop. The Chevalier de Grammont was saluted by the whole company + before he could say a word. Soon after arrived an immense number of others + of his acquaintance, with many people, out of curiosity, on both sides, + who, seeing him upon the eminence, assembled together with the greatest + eagerness; so that the two armies, without design, without truce, and + without fraud, were going to join in conversation, if, by chance, Monsieur + de Turenne had not perceived it at a distance. The sight surprised him: he + hastened that way; and the Marquis d’Humieres acquainted him with the + arrival of the Chevalier de Grammont, who wished to speak to the sentry + before he went to the headquarters: he added, that he could not comprehend + how the devil he had managed to assemble both armies around him, for it + was hardly a minute since he had left him. “Truly,” said Monsieur de + Turenne, “he is a very extraordinary man; but it is only reasonable that + he should let us now have a little of his company, since he has paid his + first visit to the enemy.” At these words he despatched an aide-de-camp, + to recal the officers of his army, and to acquaint the Chevalier de + Grammont with his impatience to see him. + </p> + <p> + This order arrived at the same time, with one of the same nature, to the + enemy’s officers. The Prince de Conde, being informed of this peaceable + interview, was not the least surprised at it, when he heard that it was + occasioned by the arrival of the Chevalier de Grammont. He only gave + Lussan orders to recal the officers, and to desire the Chevalier to meet + him at the same place the next day; which the Chevalier promised to do, + provided Monsieur de Turenne should approve of it, as he made no doubt he + would. + </p> + <p> + His reception in the king’s army was equally agreeable as that which he + had experienced from the enemy. Monsieur de Turenne esteemed him no less + for his frankness than for the poignancy of his wit: he took it very + kindly that he was the only courtier who came to see him in a time so + critical as the present: the questions which he asked him about the court + were not so much for information, as to divert himself with his manner of + relating their different apprehensions and alarms. The Chevalier de + Grammont advised him to beat the enemy, if he did not choose to be + answerable for an enterprise which he had undertaken without consulting + the Cardinal. Monsieur de Turenne promised him he would exert himself to + the utmost to follow his advice, and assured him, that if he succeeded, he + would make the queen keep her word with him; and concluded with saying, + that he was not sorry the Prince de Conde had expressed a desire to see + him. His measures were taken for an attack upon the lines: on this subject + he discoursed in private with the Chevalier de Grammont, and concealed + nothing from him except the time of execution: but this was all to no + purpose; for the Chevalier had seen too much, not to judge, from his own + knowledge, and the observations he had made, that from the situation of + the army, the attack could be no longer deferred. + </p> + <p> + He set out the next day for his rendezvous, attended by a trumpet, and + found the Prince at the place which Monsieur de Lussan had described to + him the evening before. As soon as he alighted: “Is it possible,” said the + Prince, embracing him, “that this can be the Chevalier de Grammont, and + that I should see him in the contrary party?” “It is you, my lord, whom I + see there,” replied the Chevalier, “and I refer it to yourself, whether it + was the fault of the Chevalier de Grammont, or your own, that we now + embrace different interests.” “I must confess,” said the Prince, “that if + there are some who have abandoned me like base ungrateful wretches, you + have left me, as I left myself, like a man of honour, who thinks himself + in the right: but let us forget all cause of resentment, and tell me what + was your motive for coming here, you, whom I thought at Peronne with the + court.” “Must I tell you?” said he: “why, faith then, I came to save your + life. I know that you cannot help being in the midst of the enemy in a day + of battle; it is only necessary for your horse to be shot under you, and + to be taken in arms, to meet with the same treatment from this Cardinal, + as your uncle Montmorency did from the other. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Henry, Duke of Montmorency, who was taken prisoner first September, + 1692, and had his head struck off at Toulouse in the month of November + following.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + “I come, therefore, to hold a horse in readiness for you, in case of a + similar misfortune, that you may not lose your head.” “It is not the first + time,” said the Prince, smiling, “that you have rendered me this service, + though the being taken prisoner at that time could not have been so + dangerous to me as now.” + </p> + <p> + From this conversation, they passed to more entertaining subjects. The + Prince asked him many questions concerning the court, the ladies, play, + and about his amours; and returning insensibly to the present situation of + affairs, the Chevalier having inquired after some officers of his + acquaintance, who had remained with him, the Prince told him that if he + chose, he might go to the lines, where he would have an opportunity not + only of seeing those whom he inquired after, but likewise the disposition + of the quarters and entrenchments. To this he consented, and the Prince + having shown him all the works and attended him back to their rendezvous, + “Well, Chevalier,” said he, “when do you think we shall see you again?” + “Faith,” replied he, “you have used me so handsomely, that I shall conceal + nothing from you. Hold yourself in readiness an hour before daybreak; for, + you may depend upon it, we shall attack you to-morrow morning. I would not + have acquainted you with this, perhaps, had I been entrusted with the + secret, but, nevertheless, in the present case you may believe me.” “You + are still the same man,” said the Prince, again embracing him. The + Chevalier returned to Monsieur de Turenne’s camp towards night; every + preparation was then making for the attack of the lines, and it was no + longer a secret among the troops. + </p> + <p> + “Well, Monsieur le Chevalier, were they all very glad to see you?” said + Monsieur de Turenne; “the Prince, no doubt, received you with the greatest + kindness, and asked a great number of questions?” “He has shown me all the + civility imaginable,” replied the Chevalier; “and, to convince me he did + not take me for a spy, he led me round the lines and entrenchments, and + showed me the preparations he had made for your reception.” “And what is + his opinion?” said the Marshal. “He is persuaded that you will attack him + to-night, or to-morrow by daybreak; for you great captains,” continued the + Chevalier, “see through each other’s designs in a wonderful manner.” + </p> + <p> + Monsieur de Turenne, with pleasure, received this commendation from a man + who was not indiscriminately accustomed to bestow praise. He communicated + to him the disposition of the attack; and at the same time acquainted him, + that he was very happy that a man who had seen so many actions was to be + present at this; and that he esteemed it no small advantage to have the + benefit of his advice, but as he believed that the remaining part of the + night would be hardly sufficient for his repose, after having passed the + former without any refreshment, he consigned him to the Marquis + d’Humieres, who provided him with a supper and a lodging. + </p> + <p> + The next day the lines of Arras were attacked, wherein Monsieur de + Turenne, being victorious, added additional lustre to his former glory; + and the Prince de Conde, though vanquished, lost nothing of his former + reputation. + </p> + <p> + There are so many accounts of this celebrated battle, that to mention it + here would be altogether superfluous. The Chevalier de Grammont, who, as a + volunteer, was permitted to go into every part, has given a better + description of it than any other person. Monsieur de Turenne reaped great + advantage from that activity which never forsook the Chevalier either in + peace or war; and that presence of mind which enabled him to carry orders, + as coming from the general, so very apropos, that Monsieur de Turenne, + otherwise very particular in such matters, thanked him, when the battle + was over, in the presence of all his officers, and despatched him to court + with the first news of his success. + </p> + <p> + All that is generally necessary in these expeditions, is to be accustomed + to hard riding, and to be well provided with fresh horses, but he had a + great many other obstacles to surmount. In the first place, the parties of + the enemy were dispersed over all the country, and obstructed his passage. + Then he had to prepare against greedy and officious courtiers, who, on + such occasions, post themselves in all the avenues, in order to cheat the + poor courier out of his news. However, his address preserved him from the + one, and deceived the others. + </p> + <p> + He had taken eight or ten troopers, commanded by an officer of his + acquaintance, to escort him half way to Bapaume, being persuaded that the + greatest danger would lie between the camp and the first stage. He had not + proceeded a league before he was convinced of the truth of what he + suspected, and turning to the officer who followed him closely, “If you + are not well mounted,” said he, “I would advise you to return to the camp; + for my part, I shall set spurs to my horse, and make the best of my way.” + “Sir,” said the officer, “I hope I shall be able to keep you company, at + whatever rate you go, until you are out of all danger.” “I doubt that,” + replied the Chevalier, “for those gentlemen there seem prepared to pay us + a visit.” “Don’t you see,” said the officer, “they are some of our own + people who are grazing their horses?” “No,” said the Chevalier; “but I see + very well that they are some of the enemy’s troopers.” Upon which, + observing to him that they were mounting, he ordered the horsemen that + escorted him to prepare themselves to make a diversion, and he himself set + off full speed towards Bapaume. + </p> + <p> + He was mounted upon a very swift English horse; but having entangled + himself in a hollow way where the ground was deep and miry, he soon had + the troopers at his heels, who, supposing him to be some officer of rank, + would not be deceived, but continued to pursue him without paying any + attention to the others. The best mounted of the party began to draw near + him; for the English horses, swift as the wind on even ground, proceeded + but very indifferently in bad roads; the trooper presented his carbine, + and cried out to him, at some distance, “Good quarter.” The Chevalier de + Grammont, who perceived that they gained upon him, and that whatever + efforts his horse made in such heavy ground, he must be overtaken at last, + immediately quitted the road to Bapaume, and took a causeway to the left, + which led quite a different way; as soon as he had gained it, he drew up, + as if to hear the proposal of the trooper, which afforded his horse an + opportunity of recovering himself; while his enemy, mistaking his + intention, and thinking that he only waited to surrender, immediately + exerted every effort, that he might take him before the rest of his + companions, who were following, could arrive, and by this means almost + killed his horse. + </p> + <p> + One minute’s reflection made the Chevalier consider what a disagreeable + adventure it would be, thus coming from so glorious a victory, and the + dangers of a battle so warmly disputed, to be taken by a set of scoundrels + who had not been in it, and, instead of being received in triumph, and + embraced by a great queen, for the important news with which he was + charged, to see himself stripped by the vanquished. + </p> + <p> + During this short meditation, the trooper who followed him was arrived + within shot, and still presenting his carbine, offered him good quarter, + but the Chevalier de Grammont, to whom this offer, and the manner in which + it was made, were equally displeasing, made a sign to him to lower his + piece; and perceiving his horse to be in wind, he lowered his hand, rode + off like lightning, and left the trooper in such astonishment that he even + forgot to fire at him. + </p> + <p> + As soon as he arrived at Bapaume, he changed horses; the commander of this + place showed him the greatest respect, assuring him that no person had yet + passed; that he would keep the secret, and that he would retain all that + followed him, except the couriers of Monsieur de Turenne. + </p> + <p> + He now had only to guard against those who would be watching for him about + the environs of Peronne, to return as soon as they saw him, and carry his + news to court, without being acquainted with any of the particulars. He + knew very well that Marshal du Plessis, Marshal de Villeroy, and Gaboury, + had boasted of this to the Cardinal before his departure. Wherefore, to + elude this snare, he hired two well-mounted horsemen at Bapaume, and as + soon as he had got a league from that place, and after giving them each + two louis d’ors, to secure their fidelity, he ordered them to ride on + before, to appear very much terrified, and to tell all those who should + ask them any questions, “that all was lost, that the Chevalier de Grammont + had stopped at Bapaume, having no great inclination to be the messenger of + ill news; and that as for themselves, they had been pursued by the enemy’s + troopers, who were spread over the whole country since the defeat.” + </p> + <p> + Everything succeeded to his wish: the horsemen were intercepted by + Gaboury, whose eagerness had outstripped the two marshals’; but whatever + questions were asked them, they acted their parts so well, that Peronne + was already in consternation, and rumours of the defeat were whispered + among the courtiers, when the Chevalier de Grammont arrived. + </p> + <p> + Nothing so enhances the value of good news, as when a false alarm of bad + has preceded; yet, though the Chevalier’s was accompanied with this + advantage, none but their Majesties received it with that transport of joy + it deserved. + </p> + <p> + The queen kept her promise to him in the most fascinating manner: she + embraced him before the whole court; the king appeared no less delighted; + but the Cardinal, whether with the view of lessening the merit of an + action which deserved a handsome reward, or whether it was from a return + of that insolence which always accompanied him in prosperity, appeared at + first not to pay any attention to what he said, and being afterwards + informed that the lines had been forced, that the Spanish army was beaten, + and that Arras was relieved, “Is the Prince de Conde taken?” said he. + “No,” replied the Chevalier de Grammont. “He is dead then, I suppose?” + said the Cardinal. “Not so, neither,” answered the Chevalier. “Fine news + indeed!” said the Cardinal, with an air of contempt; and at these words he + went into the queen’s cabinet with their majesties. And happy it was for + the Chevalier that he did so, for without doubt he would have given him + some severe reply, in resentment for those two fine questions, and the + conclusion he had drawn from them. + </p> + <p> + The court was filled with the Cardinal’s spies: the Chevalier, as is usual + on such an occasion, was surrounded by a crowd of courtiers and + inquisitive people, and he was very glad to ease himself of some part of + the load which laid heavy on his heart, within the hearing of the + Cardinal’s creatures, and which he would perhaps have told him to his + face. “Faith, gentlemen,” said he, with a sneer, “there is nothing like + being zealous and eager in the service of kings and great princes: you + have seen what a gracious reception his Majesty has given me; you are + likewise witnesses in what an obliging manner the queen kept her promise + with me; but as for the Cardinal, he has received my news as if he gained + no more by it than he did by the death of Peter Mazarin.” + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Peter Mazarin was father to the Cardinal. He was a native of Palermo in + Sicily, which place he left in order to settle at Rome, where he died in + the year 1654.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + This was sufficient to terrify all those who were sincerely attached to + him; and the best established fortune would have been ruined at some + period by a jest much less severe: for it was delivered in the presence of + witnesses, who were only desirous of having an opportunity of representing + it in its utmost malignancy, to make a merit of their vigilance with a + powerful and absolute minister. Of this the Chevalier de Grammont was + thoroughly convinced; yet whatever detriment he foresaw might arise from + it, he could not help being much pleased with what he had said. + </p> + <p> + The spies very faithfully discharged their duty: however, the affair took + a very different turn from what they expected. The next day, when the + Chevalier de Grammont was present while their Majesties were at dinner, + the Cardinal came in, and coming up to him, everybody making way for him + out of respect: “Chevalier,” said he, “the news which you have brought is + very good, their Majesties are very well satisfied with it; and to + convince you it is more advantageous to me than the death of Peter + Mazarin, if you will come and dine with me we will have some play + together; for the queen will give us something to play for, over and above + her first promise.” + </p> + <p> + In this manner did the Chevalier de Grammont dare to provoke a powerful + minister, and this was all the resentment which the least vindictive of + all statesmen expressed on the occasion. It was indeed very unusual for so + young a man to reverence the authority of ministers no farther, than as + they were themselves respectable by their merit; for this, his own breast, + as well as the whole court, applauded him, and he enjoyed the satisfaction + of being the only man who durst preserve the least shadow of liberty, in a + general state of servitude; but it was perhaps owing to the Cardinal’s + passing over this insult with impunity, that he afterwards drew upon + himself some difficulties, by other rash expressions less fortunate in the + event. + </p> + <p> + In the mean time the court returned: the Cardinal, who was sensible that + he could no longer keep his master in a state of tutelage, being himself + worn out with cares and sickness, and having amassed treasures he knew not + what to do with, and being sufficiently loaded with the weight of public + odium, he turned all his thoughts towards terminating, in a manner the + most advantageous for France, a ministry which had so cruelly shaken that + kingdom. Thus, while he was earnestly laying the foundations of a peace so + ardently wished for, pleasure and plenty began to reign at court. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont experienced for a long time a variety of fortune + in love and gaming: he was esteemed by the courtiers, beloved by beauties + whom he neglected, and a dangerous favourite of those whom he admired; + more successful in play than in his amours; but the one indemnifying him + for want of success in the other, he was always full of life and spirits; + and in all transactions of importance, always a man of honour. + </p> + <p> + It is a pity that we must be forced here to interrupt the course of his + history, by an interval of some years, as has been already done at the + commencement of these memoirs. In a life where the most minute + circumstances are always singular and diverting, we can meet with no chasm + which does not afford regret; but whether he did not think them worthy of + holding a place among his other adventures, or that he has only preserved + a confused idea of them, we must pass to the parts of these fragments + which are better ascertained, that we may arrive at the subject of his + journey to England. + </p> + <p> + The peace of the Pyrenees, the king’s marriage,—the return of the + Prince de Conde, and the death of the Cardinal, gave a new face to the + state. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Louis XIV. married Maria Theresa of Austria. She was born 20th + September, 1638, married 1st June, 1660, and entered Paris 26th August + following. She died at Versailles 30th July, 1683, and was buried at St. + Denis.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + The eyes of the whole nation were fixed upon their king, who, for + nobleness of mien, and gracefulness of person, had no equal; but it was + not then known that he was possessed of those superior abilities, which, + filling his subjects with admiration, in the end made him so formidable to + Europe. Love and ambition, the invisible springs of the intrigues and + cabals of all courts, attentively observed his first steps: pleasure + promised herself an absolute empire over a prince who had been kept in + ignorance of the necessary rules of government, and ambition had no hopes + of reigning in the court except in the minds of those who were able to + dispute the management of affairs; when men were surprised to see the king + on a sudden display such brilliant abilities, which prudence, in some + measure necessary, had so long obliged him to conceal. + </p> + <p> + An application, inimical to the pleasures which generally attract that + age, and which unlimited power very seldom refuses, attached him solely to + the cares of government: all admired this wonderful change, but all did + not find their account in it: the great lost their consequence before an + absolute master, and the courtiers approached with reverential awe the + sole object of their respects and the sole master of their fortunes: those + who had conducted themselves like petty tyrants in their provinces, and on + the frontiers, were now no more than governors: favours, according to the + king’s pleasure, were sometimes conferred on merit, and sometimes for + services done the state; but to importune, or to menace the court, was no + longer the method to obtain them. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont regarded his master’s attention to the affairs + of state as a prodigy: he could not conceive how he could submit at his + age to the rules he prescribed himself, or that he should give up so many + hours of pleasure, to devote them to the tiresome duties, and laborious + functions of government; but he blessed the Lord that henceforward no more + homage was to be paid, no more court to be made, but to him alone, to whom + they were justly due. Disdaining as he did the servile adoration usually + paid to a minister, he could never crouch before the power of the two + Cardinals who succeeded each other: he neither worshipped the arbitrary + power of the one, nor gave his approbation to the artifices of the other; + he had never received anything from Cardinal Richelieu but an abbey, + which, on account of his rank, could not be refused him; and he never + acquired anything from Mazarin but what he won of him at play. + </p> + <p> + By many years’ experience under an able general he had acquired a talent + for war; but this during a general peace was of no further service to him. + He therefore thought that, in the midst of a court flourishing in beauties + and abounding in wealth, he could not employ himself better than in + endeavouring to gain the good opinion of his master, in making the best + use of those advantages which nature had given him for play, and in + putting in practice new stratagems in love. + </p> + <p> + He succeeded very well in the two first of these projects, and as he had + from that time laid it down as the rule of his conduct to attach himself + solely to the king in all his views of preferment, to have no regard for + favour unless when it was supported by merit, to make himself beloved by + the courtiers and feared by the minister, to dare to undertake anything in + order to do good, and to engage in nothing at the expense of innocence, he + soon became one in all the king’s parties of pleasure, without gaining the + ill will of the courtiers. In play he was successful, in love unfortunate; + or, to speak more properly, his restlessness and jealousy overcame his + natural prudence, in a situation wherein he had most occasion for it. La + Motte Agencourt was one of the maids of honour to the queen dowager, and, + though no sparkling beauty, she had drawn away lovers from the celebrated + Meneville. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [These two ladies at this period seem to have made a distinguished + figure in the annals of gallantry. One of their contemporaries mentions + them in these terms: “In this case, perhaps, I can give a better account + than most people; as, for instance, they had raised a report, when the + queen-mother expelled Mademoiselle de la Motte Agencourt, that it was on + his score, when I am assured, upon very good grounds, that it was for + entertaining the Marquis de Richelieu against her majesty’s express + command. This lady, who was one of her maids of honour, was a person + whom I was particularly acquainted with; and that so much, as I was + supposed to have a passion for her: she was counted one of the finest + women of the court, and therefore I was not at all displeased to have it + thought so; for except Mademoiselle de Meneville, (who had her + admirers,) there was none that could pretend to dispute it” Memoirs of + the Comte de Rochfort, 1696, p. 210. See also Anquetil, Louis XVI. sa + Cour et le Regent, tome i. p. 46.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + It was sufficient in those days for the king to cast his eye upon a young + lady of the court to inspire her with hopes, and often with tender + sentiments; but if he spoke to her more than once, the courtiers took it + for granted, and those who had either pretensions to, or love for her, + respectfully withdrew both the one and the other, and afterwards only paid + her respect; but the Chevalier de Grammont thought fit to act quite + otherwise, perhaps to preserve a singularity of character, which upon the + present occasion was of no avail. + </p> + <p> + He had never before thought of her, but as soon as he found that she was + honoured with the king’s attention, he was of opinion that she was + likewise deserving of his. Having attached himself to her, he soon became + very troublesome, without convincing her he was much in love. She grew + weary of his persecutions, but he would not desist, neither on account of + her ill-treatment nor of her threats. This conduct of his at first made no + great noise, because she was in hopes that he would change his behaviour; + but finding him rashly persist in it, she complained of him: and then it + was that he perceived that if love renders all conditions equal, it is not + so between rivals. He was banished the court, and not finding any place in + France which could console him for what he most regretted—the + presence and sight of his prince—after having made some slight + reflections upon his disgrace, and bestowed a few imprecations against her + who was the cause of it, he at last formed the resolution of visiting + England. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0006" id="link2HCH0006"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER SIXTH. HIS ARRIVAL AT THE ENGLISH COURT—THE VARIOUS + PERSONAGES OF THIS COURT + </h2> + <p> + Curiosity to see a man equally famous for his crimes and his elevation, + had once before induced the Chevalier de Grammont to visit England. + Reasons of state assume great privileges. Whatever appears advantageous is + lawful, and every thing that is necessary is honourable in politics. While + the King of England sought the protection of Spain in the Low Countries, + and that of the States-General in Holland, other powers sent splendid + embassies to Cromwell. + </p> + <p> + This man, whose ambition had opened him a way to sovereign power by the + greatest crimes, maintained himself in it by accomplishments which seemed + to render him worthy of it by their lustre. The nation, of all Europe the + least submissive, patiently bore a yoke which did not even leave her the + shadow of that liberty of which she is so jealous; and Cromwell, master of + the Commonwealth, under the title of Protector, feared at home, but yet + more dreaded abroad, was at his highest pitch of glory when he was seen by + the Chevalier de Grammont; but the Chevalier did not see any appearance of + a court. One part of the nobility proscribed, the other removed from + employments; an affectation of purity of manners, instead of the luxury + which the pomp of courts displays all taken together, presented nothing + but sad and serious objects in the finest city in the world; and therefore + the Chevalier acquired nothing by this voyage but the idea of some merit + in a profligate man, and the admiration of some concealed beauties he had + found means to discover. + </p> + <p> + Affairs wore quite a different appearance at his second voyage. The joy + for the restoration of the royal family still appeared in all parts. The + nation, fond of change and novelty, tasted the pleasure of a natural + government, and seemed to breathe again after a long oppression. In short, + the same people who, by a solemn abjuration, had excluded even the + posterity of their lawful sovereign, exhausted themselves in festivals and + rejoicings for his return. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont arrived about two years after the restoration. + The reception he met with in this court soon made him forget the other; + and the engagements he in the end contracted in England lessened the + regret he had in leaving France. + </p> + <p> + This was a desirable retreat for an exile of his disposition. + </p> + <p> + Everything flattered his taste, and if the adventures he had in this + country were not the most considerable, they were at least the most + agreeable of his life. But before we relate them it will not be improper + to give some account of the English court, as it was at that period. + </p> + <p> + The necessity of affairs had exposed Charles II. from his earliest youth + to the toils and perils of a bloody war. The fate of the king his father + had left him for inheritance nothing but his misfortunes and disgraces. + They overtook him everywhere; but it was not until he had struggled with + his ill-fortune to the last extremity that he submitted to the decrees of + Providence. + </p> + <p> + All those who were either great on account of their birth or their loyalty + had followed him into exile; and all the young persons of the greatest + distinction having afterwards joined him, composed a court worthy of a + better fate. + </p> + <p> + Plenty and prosperity, which are thought to tend only to corrupt manners, + found nothing to spoil in an indigent and wandering court. Necessity, on + the contrary, which produces a thousand advantages whether we will or no, + served them for education; and nothing was to be seen among them but an + emulation in glory, politeness, and virtue. + </p> + <p> + With this little court, in such high esteem for merit, the King of England + returned two years prior to the period we mention, to ascend a throne + which, to all appearances, he was to fill as worthily as the most glorious + of his predecessors. The magnificence displayed on thus occasion was + renewed at his coronation. + </p> + <p> + The death of the Duke of Gloucester, and of the Princess Royal, which + followed soon after, had interrupted the course of this splendour by a + tedious mourning, which they quitted at last to prepare for the reception + of the Infanta of Portugal. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [The Princess Royal: Mary, eldest daughter of Charles I., born November + 4th, 1631, married to the Prince of Orange, 2nd May, 1641, who died 27th + October, 1650. She arrived in England, September 23rd, and died of the + smallpox, December 24th, 1660,-according to Bishop Burnet, not much + lamented. “She had lived,” says the author, “in her widowhood for some + years with great reputation, kept a decent court, and supported her + brothers very liberally; and lived within bounds. But her mother, who + had the art of making herself believe anything she had a mind to, upon a + conversation with the queen-mother of France, fancied the King of France + might be inclined to marry her. So she wrote to her to come to Paris. In + order to that, she made an equipage far above what she could support. So + she ran herself into debt, sold all her jewels, and some estates that + were in her power as her son’s guardian; and was not only disappointed + of that vain expectation, but fell into some misfortunes that lessened + the reputation she had formerly lived in.” History of his Own Times, + vol. i., p. 238. She was mother of William III.] [“The Infanta, of + Portugal landed in May (1662) at Portsmouth. The king went thither, and + was married privately by Lord Aubigny, a secular priest, and almoner to + the queen, according to the rites of Rome, in the queen’s chamber; none + present but the Portuguese ambassador, three more Portuguese of quality, + and two or three Portuguese women. What made this necessary was, that + the Earl of Sandwich did not marry her by proxy, as usual, before she + came away. How this happened, the duke knows not, nor did the chancellor + know of this private marriage. The queen would not be bedded, till + pronounced man and wife by Sheldon, bishop of London.”—Extract 2, + from King James II.‘s Journal.—Macpherson’s State Papers, vol. i. + In the same collection is a curious letter from the King to Lord + Clarendon, giving his opinion of the queen after having seen her.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + It was in the height of the rejoicings they were making for this new + queen, in all the splendour of a brilliant court, that the Chevalier de + Grammont arrived to contribute to its magnificence and diversions. + </p> + <p> + Accustomed as he was to the grandeur of the court of France, he was + surprised at the politeness and splendour of the court of England. The + king was inferior to none, either in shape or air; his wit was pleasant; + his disposition easy and affable; his soul, susceptible of opposite + impressions, was compassionate to the unhappy, inflexible to the wicked, + and tender even to excess; he showed great abilities in urgent affairs, + but was incapable of application to any that were not so: his heart was + often the dupe, but oftener the slave, of his engagements. + </p> + <p> + The character of the Duke of York was entirely different he had the + reputation of undaunted courage, an inviolable attachment for his word, + great economy in his affairs, hauteur, application, arrogance, each in + their turn: a scrupulous observer of the rules of duty and the laws of + justice; he was accounted a faithful friend, and an implacable enemy. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [James, Duke of York, afterwards King James II. He was born 15th October, + 1633; succeeded his brother 6th February, 1684-5; abdicated the crown in + 1688; and died 6th September, 1701. Bishop Burnet’s character of him + appears not very far from the truth.—“He was,” says this writer, + “very brave in his youth; and so much magnified by Monsieur Turenne, + that till his marriage lessened him, he really clouded the king, and + passed for the superior genius. He was naturally candid and sincere, and + a firm friend, till affairs and his religion wore out all his first + principles and inclinations he had a great desire to understand affairs: + and in order to that he kept a constant journal of all that passed, of + which he showed me a great deal. The Duke of Buckingham gave me once a + short but severe character of the two brothers. It was the more severe, + because it was true: the king, (he said,) could see things if he would: + and the duke would see things if he could. He had no true judgment, and + was soon determined by those whom he trusted: but he was obstinate + against all other advices. He was bred with high notions of kingly + authority, and laid it down for a maxim, that all who opposed the king + were rebels in their hearts. He was perpetually in one amour or other, + without being very nice in his choice: upon which the king once said, he + believed his brother had his mistress given him by his priests for + penance. He was naturally eager and revengeful: and was against the + taking off any, that set up in an opposition to the measures of the + court, and who by that means grew popular in the house of commons. He + was for rougher methods. He continued many years dissembling his + religion, and seemed zealous for the church of England, but it was + chiefly on design to hinder all propositions, that tended to unite us + among ourselves. He was a frugal prince, and brought his court into + method and magnificence, for he had L100,000. a-year allowed him. He was + made high admiral, and he came to understand all the concerns of the sea + very particularly.”] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + His morality and justice, struggling for some time with prejudice, had at + last triumphed, by his acknowledging for his wife Miss Hyde, maid of + honour to the Princess Royal, whom he had secretly married in Holland. Her + father, from that time prime minister of England, supported by this new + interest, soon rose to the head of affairs, and had almost ruined them: + not that he wanted capacity, but he was too self-sufficient. + </p> + <p> + The Duke of Ormond possessed the confidence and esteem of his master: the + greatness of his services, the splendour of his merit and his birth, and + the fortune he had abandoned in adhering to the fate of his prince, + rendered him worthy of it nor durst the courtiers even murmur at seeing + him grand steward of the household, first lord of the bed-chamber, and + lord-lieutenant of Ireland. He exactly resembled the Marshal de Grammont, + in the turn of his wit and the nobleness of his manners: and like him was + the honour of his master’s court. + </p> + <p> + The Duke of Buckingham and the Earl of St. Albans were the same in England + as they appeared in France: the one full of wit and vivacity, dissipated, + without splendour, an immense estate upon which he had just entered: the + other, a man of no great genius, had raised himself a considerable fortune + from nothing, and by losing at play, and keeping a great table, made it + appear greater than it was. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [“The Duke of Buckingham is again one hundred and forty thousand pounds + in debt; and by this prorogation his creditors have time to tear all his + lands to pieces.”—Andrew Marvell’s Works, 4to. edit., vol. i. p. + 406.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + Sir George Berkeley, afterwards Earl of Falmouth, was the confidant and + favourite of the King: he commanded the Duke of York’s regiment of guards, + and governed the Duke himself. He had nothing very remarkable either in + his wit, or his person; but his sentiments were worthy of the fortune + which awaited him, when, on the very point of his elevation, he was killed + at sea. Never did disinterestedness so perfectly characterise the + greatness of the soul: he had no views but what tended to the glory of his + master: his credit was never employed but in advising him to reward + services, or to confer favours on merit: so polished in conversation, that + the greater his power, the greater was his humility; and so sincere in all + his proceedings, that he would never have been taken for a courtier. + </p> + <p> + The Duke of Ormond’s sons and his nephews had been in the king’s court + during his exile, and were far from diminishing its lustre after his + return. The Earl of Arran had a singular address in all kinds of + exercises, played well at tennis and on the guitar, and was pretty + successful in gallantry: his elder brother, the Earl of Ossory, was not so + lively, but of the most liberal sentiments, and of great probity. + </p> + <p> + The elder of the Hamiltons, their cousin, was the man who of all the court + dressed best: he was well made in his person, and possessed those happy + talents which lead to fortune, and procure success in love: he was a most + assiduous courtier, had the most lively wit, the most polished manners, + and the most punctual attention to his master imaginable: no person danced + better, nor was any one a more general lover: a merit of some account in a + court entirely devoted to love and gallantry. It is not at all surprising, + that with these qualities he succeeded my Lord Falmouth in the King’s + favour; but it is very extraordinary that he should have experienced the + same destiny, as if this sort of war had been declared against merit only, + and as if this sort of combat was fatal to none but such as had certain + hopes of a splendid fortune. This, however, did not happen till some years + afterwards. + </p> + <p> + The beau Sydney, less dangerous than he appeared to be, had not sufficient + vivacity to support the impression which his figure made; but little + Jermyn was on all sides successful in his intrigues. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Robert Sydney, third son of the Earl of Leicester, and brother of the + famous Algernon Sydney, who was beheaded. This is Lord Orford’s account; + though, on less authority, I should have been inclined to have + considered Henry Sydney, his younger brother, who was afterwards created + Earl of Rumney, and died 8th April, 1704, as the person intended. There + are some circumstances which seem particularly to point to him. Burnet, + speaking of him, says, “he was a, graceful man, and had lived long in + the court, where he lead some adventures that became very public. He was + a man of a sweet and caressing temper, had no malice in his heart, but + too great a love of pleasure. He had been sent envoy to Holland in the + year 1679, where he entered into such particular confidences with the + prince, that he had the highest measure of his trust and favour that any + Englishman ever had.”—History of his Own Times, vol. ii., p. 494. + In the Essay on Satire, by Dryden and Mulgrave, he is spoken of in no + very decent terms. “And little Sid, for simile renown’d, Pleasure has + always sought, but never found Though all his thoughts on wine and women + fall, His are so bad, sure he ne’er thinks at all. The flesh he lives + upon is rank and strong; His meat and mistresses are kept too long. But + sure we all mistake this pious man, Who mortifies his person all he can + What we uncharitably take for sin, Are only rules of this odd capuchin; + For never hermit, under grave pretence, Has lived more contrary to + common sense.” These verses, however, have been applied to Sir Charles + Sedley, whose name was originally spelt Sidley. Robert Sydney died at + Pensburst, 1674.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + The old Earl of St. Albans, his uncle, had for a long time adopted him, + though the youngest of all his nephews. It is well known what a table the + good man kept at Paris, while the King his master was starving at + Brussels, and the Queen Dowager, his mistress, lived not over well in + France. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [To what a miserable state the queen was reduced may be seen in the + following extract from De Retz.—“Four or five days before the king + removed from Paris, I went to visit the Queen of England, whom I found + in her daughter’s chamber, who hath been since Duchess of Orleans. At my + coming in she said, ‘You see I am come to keep Henrietta company. The + poor child could not rise to-day for want of a fire.’ The truth is, that + the cardinal for six months together had not ordered her any money + towards her pension; that no trades-people would trust her for anything; + and that there was not at her lodgings in the Louvre one single billet. + You will do me the justice to suppose that the Princess of England did + not keep her bed the next day for want of a faggot; but it was not this + which the Princess of Conde meant in her letter. What she spoke about + was, that some days after my visiting the Queen of England, I remembered + the condition I had found her in, and had strongly represented the shame + of abandoning her in that manner, which caused the parliament to send + 40,000 livres to her majesty. Posterity will hardly believe that a + Princess of England, grand-daughter of Henry the Great, hath wanted a + faggot, in the month of January, to get out of bed in the Louvre, and in + the eyes of a French court. We read in histories, with horror, of + baseness less monstrous than this; and the little concern I have met + with about it in most people’s minds, has obliged me to make, I believe, + a thousand times, this reflection,—that examples of times past + move men beyond comparison more than those of their own times. We + accustom ourselves to what we see; and I have sometimes told you, that I + doubted whether Caligula’s horse being made a consul would have + surprised us so much as we imagine.” —Memoirs, vol. i., p. 261. As + for the relative situation of the king and Lord Jermyn, (afterwards St. + Albans,) Lord Clarendon says, that the “Marquis of Ormond was compelled + to put himself in prison, with other gentlemen, at a pistole a-week for + his diet, and to walk the streets a-foot, which was no honourable custom + in Paris, whilst the Lord Jermyn kept an excellent table for those who + courted him, and had a coach of his own, and all other accommodations + incident to the most full fortune: and if the king had the most urgent + occasion for the use but of twenty pistoles, as sometimes he had, he + could not find credit to borrow it, which he often had experiment of.” + —History of the Rebellion, vol. iii., p. 2.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + Jermyn, supported by his uncle’s wealth, found it no difficult matter to + make a considerable figure upon his arrival at the court of the Princess + of Orange: the poor courtiers of the king her brother could not vie with + him in point of equipage and magnificence; and these two articles often + produce as much success in love as real merit: there is no necessity for + any other example than the present; for though Jermyn was brave, and + certainly a gentleman, yet he had neither brilliant actions, nor + distinguished rank, to set him off; and as for his fibre, there was + nothing advantageous in it. He was little: his head was large and his legs + small; his features were not disagreeable, but he was affected in his + carriage and behaviour. All his wit consisted in expressions learnt by + rote, which he occasionally employed either in raillery, or in love. This + was the whole foundation of the merit of a man so formidable in amours. + </p> + <p> + The Princess Royal was the first who was taken with him: Miss Hyde seemed + to be following the steps of her mistress: this immediately brought him + into credit, and his reputation was established in England before his + arrival. Prepossession in the minds of women is sufficient to find access + to their hearts: Jermyn found them in dispositions so favourable for him, + that he had nothing to do but to speak. + </p> + <p> + It was in vain they perceived that a reputation so lightly established, + was still more weakly sustained: the prejudice remained: the Countess of + Castlemaine, a woman lively and discerning followed the delusive shadow; + and though undeceived in a reputation which promised so much, and + performed so little, she nevertheless continued in her infatuation: she + even persisted in it, until she was upon the point of embroiling herself + with the King; so great was this first instance of her constancy. + </p> + <p> + Such were the heroes of the court. As for the beauties, you could not look + anywhere without seeing them: those of the greatest reputation were this + same Countess of Castlemaine, afterwards Duchess of Cleveland, Lady + Chesterfield, Lady Shrewsbury, the Mrs. Roberts, Mrs. Middleton, the + Misses Brooks, and a thousand others, who shone at court with equal + lustre; but it was Miss Hamilton and Miss Stewart who were its chief + ornaments. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Lady Shrewsbury: Anna, Maria, Countess of Shrewsbury, eldest daughter + of Robert Brudenel, Earl of Cardigan, and wife of Francis, Earl of + Shrewsbury, who was killed in a duel by George, Duke of Buckingham, + March 16, 1667. She afterwards re-married with George Rodney Bridges, + Esq., second son of Sir Thomas Bridges of Keynsham, in Somersetshire, + knight, and died April 20, 1702. By her second husband she had one son, + George Rodney Bridges, who died in 1751. This woman is said to have been + so abandoned, as to have held, in the habit of a page, her gallant, the + duke’s horse, while he fought and killed her husband; after which she + went to bed with him, stained with her husband’s blood.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + The new queen gave but little additional brilliancy to the court, either + in her person or in her retinue, which was then composed of the Countess + de Panetra, who came over with her in quality of lady of the bedchamber; + six frights, who called themselves maids of honour, and a duenna, another + monster, who took the title of governess to those extraordinary beauties. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Lord Clarendon confirms, in some measure, this account. “There was a + numerous family of men and women, that were sent from Portugal, the most + improper to promote that conformity in the queen that was necessary for + her condition and future happiness that could be chosen; the women, for + the most part, old, and ugly, and proud, incapable of any conversation + with persons of quality and a liberal education: and they desired, and + indeed had conspired so far to possess the queen themselves, that she + should neither learn the English language, nor use their habit, nor + depart from the manners and fashions of her own country in any + particulars: which resolution,” they told, “would be for the dignity of + Portugal, and would quickly induce the English ladies to conform to her + majesty’s practice. And this imagination had made that impression, that + the tailor who had been sent into Portugal to make her clothes could + never be admitted to see her, or receive any employment. Nor when she + came to Portsmouth, and found there several ladies of honour and prime + quality to attend her in the places to which they were assigned by the + king, did she receive any of them till the king himself came; nor then + with any grace, or the liberty that belonged to their places and + offices. She could not be persuaded to be dressed out of the wardrobe + that the king had sent to her, but would wear the clothes which she had + brought, until she found that the king was displeased, and would be + obeyed; whereupon she conformed, against the advice of her women, who + continued their opiniatrety, without any one of them receding from their + own mode, which exposed them the more to reproach.”—Continuation + of Clarendon’s Life, p. 168. In a short time after their arrival in + England, they were ordered back to Portugal.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + Among the men were Francisco de Melo, brother to the Countess de Panetra; + one Taurauvedez, who called himself Don Pedro Francisco Correo de Silva, + extremely handsome, but a greater fool than all the Portuguese put + together: he was more vain of his names than of his person; but the Duke + of Buckingham, a still greater fool than he, though more addicted to + raillery, gave him the additional name of Peter of the Wood. He was so + enraged at this, that, after many fruitless complaints and ineffectual + menaces, poor Pedro de Silva was obliged to leave England, while the happy + duke kept possession of a Portuguese nymph more hideous than the queen’s + maids of honour, whom he had taken from him, as well as two of his names. + Besides these, there were six chaplains, four bakers, a Jew perfumer, and + a certain officer, probably without an office, who called himself her + highness’s barber. Katharine de Braganza was far from appearing with + splendour in the charming court where she came to reign; however, in the + end she was pretty successful. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Lord Clarendon says, “the queen had beauty and wit enough to make + herself agreeable to him (the king); and it is very certain, that, at + their first meeting, and for some time after, the King had very good + satisfaction in her.... Though she was of years enough to have had more + experience of the world, and of as much wit as could be wished, and of a + humour very agreeable at some seasons, yet, she had been bred, according + to the mode and discipline of her country, in a monastery, where she had + only seen the women who attended her, and conversed with the religious + who resided there; and, without doubt, in her inclinations, was enough + disposed to have been one of that number: and from this restraint she + was called out to be a great queen, and to a free conversation in a + court that was to be upon the matter new formed, and reduced from the + manners of a licentious age to the old rules and limits which had been + observed in better times; to which regular and decent conformity the + present disposition of men or women was not enough inclined to submit, + nor the king enough disposed to exact.”—Continuation of Lord + Clarendon’s Life, p. 167. After some struggle, she submitted to the + king’s licentious conduct, and from that time lived upon easy terms with + him, until his death. On the 30th March, 1692, she left Somerset-house, + her usual residence, and retired to Lisbon, where she died, 31st + December, 1705, N. S.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont, who had been long known to the royal family, + and to most of the gentlemen of the court, had only to get acquainted with + the ladies; and for this he wanted no interpreter: they all spoke French + enough to explain themselves, and they all understood it sufficiently to + comprehend what he had to say to them. + </p> + <p> + The queen’s court was always very numerous; that of the duchess was less + so, but more select. This princess had a majestic air, a pretty good + shape, not much beauty, a great deal of wit, and so just a discernment of + merit, that, whoever of either sex were possessed of it, were sure to be + distinguished by her: an air of grandeur in all her actions made her be + considered as if born to support the rank: which placed her so near the + throne. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [“The Duchess of York,” says Bishop Burnet, “was a very extraordinary + woman. She had great knowledge, and a lively sense of things. She soon + understood what belonged to a princess, and took state on her rather too + much. She wrote well, and had begun the duke’s life, of which she showed + me a volume. It was all drawn from his journal; and he intended to have + employed me in carrying it on. She was bred in great strictness in + religion, and practised secret confession. Morley told me he was her + confessor. She began at twelve years old, and continued under his + direction till, upon her father’s disgrace, he was put from the court. + She was generous and friendly, but was too severe an enemy."-history of + his Own Times, vol. i., p. 237. She was contracted to the duke at Breda, + November 24, 1659, and married at Worcester-house, 3rd September, 1660, + in the night, between eleven and two, by Dr. Joseph Crowther, the duke’s + chaplain; the Lord Ossory giving her in marriage. —Kennet’s + Register, p. 246. She died 31st March, 1671, having previously + acknowledged herself to be a Roman Catholic.—See also her + character by Bishop Morley.—Kennet’s Register, p. 385, 390.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + The queen dowager returned after the marriage of the princess royal, and + it was in her court that the two others met. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont was soon liked by all parties those who had not + known him before were surprised to see a Frenchman of his disposition. The + king’s restoration having drawn a great number of foreigners from all + countries to the court, the French were rather in disgrace; for, instead + of any persons of distinction having appeared among the first who came + over, they had only seen some insignificant puppies, each striving to + outdo the other in folly and extravagance, despising everything which was + not like themselves, and thinking they introduced the ‘bel air’, by + treating the English as strangers in their own country. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont, on the contrary, was familiar with everybody: + he gave in to their customs, eat of everything, and easily habituated + himself to their manner of living, which he looked upon as neither vulgar + nor barbarous; and as he showed a natural complaisance, instead of the + impertinent affectation of the others, all the nation was charmed with a + man, who agreeably indemnified them for what they had suffered from the + folly of the former. + </p> + <p> + He first of all made his court to the king, and was of all his parties of + pleasure: he played high, and lost but seldom: he found so little + difference in the manners and conversation of those with whom he chiefly + associated, that he could scarcely believe he was out of his own country. + Everything which could agreeably engage a man of his disposition, + presented itself to his different humours, as if the pleasures of the + court of France had quitted it to accompany him in his exile. + </p> + <p> + He was every day engaged for some entertainment; and those who wished to + regale him in their turn, were obliged to take their measures in time, and + to invite him eight or ten days before hand. These importunate civilities + became tiresome in the long run; but as they seemed indispensable to a man + of his disposition, and as they were the most genteel people of the court + who loaded him with them, he submitted with a good grace; but always + reserved to himself the liberty of supping at home. + </p> + <p> + His supper hour depended upon play, and was indeed very uncertain; but his + supper was always served up with the greatest elegance, by the assistance + of one or two servants, who were excellent caterers and good attendants, + but understood cheating still better. + </p> + <p> + The company, at these little entertainments, was not numerous, but select: + the first people of the court were commonly of the party; but the man, who + of all others suited him best on these occasions, never failed to attend: + that was the celebrated Saint Evremond, who with great exactness, but too + great freedom, had written the history of the treaty of the Pyrenees: an + exile like himself, though for very different reasons. + </p> + <p> + Happily for them both, fortune had, some time before the arrival of the + Chevalier de Grammont, brought Saint Evremond to England, after he had had + leisure to repent in Holland of the beauties of that famous satire. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Charles de St. Denis, Seigneur de Saint Evremond, was born at St. Denis + le Guast, in Lower Normandy, on the 1st of April, 1613. He was educated + at Paris, with a view to the profession of the law; but he early quitted + that pursuit, and went into the army, where he signalized himself on + several occasions. At the time of the Pyrenean treaty, he wrote a letter + censuring the conduct of Cardinal Mazarin, which occasioned his being + banished France. He first took refuge in Holland; but, in 1662, he + removed into England, where he continued, with a short interval, during + the rest of his life. In 1675, the Duchess of Mazarin came to reside in + England; and with her St. Evremond passed much of his time. He preserved + his health and cheerfulness to a very great age, and died 9th of + September, 1703, aged ninety years, five months, and twenty days. His + biographer Monsieur Des Maizeaux, describes him thus: “M. de St. + Evremond had blue, lively, and sparkling eyes, a large forehead, thick + eyebrows, a handsome mouth, and a sneering physiognomy. Twenty years + before his death, a wen grew between his eye-brows, which in time + increased to a considerable bigness. He once designed to have it cut + off, but as it was no ways troublesome to him, and he little regarded + that kind of deformity, Dr. Le Fevre advised him to let it alone, lest + such an operation should be attended with dangerous symptoms in a man of + his age. He would often make merry with himself on account of his wen, + his great leather cap, and grey hair, which he chose to wear rather than + a periwig.” St. Evremond was a kind of Epicurean philosopher, and drew + his own character in the following terms, in a letter to Count de + Grammont. “He was a philosopher equally removed from superstition and + impiety; a voluptuary who had no less aversion from debauchery than + inclination for pleasure: a man who had never felt the pressure of + indigence, and who had never been in possession of affluence: he lived + in a condition despised by those who have everything, envied by those + who have nothing, and relished by those who make their reason the + foundation of their happiness. When he was young he hated profusion, + being persuaded that some degree of wealth was necessary for the + conveniencies of a long life: when he was old, he could hardly endure + economy, being of opinion that want is little to be dreaded when a man + has but little time left to be miserable. He was well pleased with + nature, and did not complain of fortune. He hated vice, was indulgent to + frailties, and lamented misfortunes. He sought not after the failings of + men with a design to expose them; he only found what was ridiculous in + them for his own amusement: he had a secret pleasure in discovering this + himself, and would, indeed, have had a still greater in discovering this + to others, had not he been checked by discretion. Life, in his opinion, + was too short to read all sorts of books, and to burden one’s memory + with a multitude of things, at the expense of one’s judgment. He did not + apply himself to the most learned writings, in order to acquire + knowledge, but to the most rational, to fortify his reason: he sometimes + chose the most delicate, to give delicacy to his own taste, and + sometimes the most agreeable, to give the same to his own genius. It + remains that he should be described, such as he was, in friendship and + in religion. In friendship he was more constant than a philosopher, and + more sincere than a young man of good nature without experience. With + regard to religion, his piety consisted more in justice and charity than + in penance or mortification. He placed his confidence in God, trusting + in His goodness, and hoping that in the bosom of His providence he + should find his repose and his felicity.”—He was buried in + Westminster Abbey.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + The Chevalier was from that time his hero: they had each of them attained + to all the advantages which a knowledge of the world, and the society of + people of fashion, could add to the improvement of good natural talents. + Saint Evremond, less engaged in frivolous pursuits, frequently gave little + lectures to the Chevalier, and by making observations upon the past, + endeavoured to set him right for the present, or to instruct him for the + future. “You are now,” said he, “in the most agreeable way of life a man + of your temper could wish for: you are the delight of a youthful, + sprightly, and gallant court: the king has never a party of pleasure to + which you are not admitted. You play from morning to night, or, to speak + more properly, from night to morning, without knowing what it is to lose. + Far from losing the money you brought hither, as you have done in other + places, you have doubled it, trebled it, multiplied it almost beyond your + wishes, notwithstanding the exorbitant expenses you are imperceptibly led + into. This, without doubt, is the most desirable situation in the world: + stop here, Chevalier, and do not ruin your affairs by returning to your + old sins. Avoid love, by pursuing other pleasures: love has never been + favourable to you. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [“Saint Evremond and Bussi-Rabutin, who have also written on the life of + the Count de Grammont, agree with Hamilton in representing him as a man + less fortunate in love than at play; not seeking for any other pleasure + in the conquest of a woman but that of depriving another of her; and not + able to persuade any one of his passion, because he spoke to her, as at + all other times, in jest: but cruelly revenging himself on those who + refused to hear him; corrupting the servants of those whom they did + favour, counterfeiting their handwriting, intercepting their letters, + disconcerting their rendezvous; in one word, disturbing their amours by + everything which a rival, prodigal, indefatigable, and full of artifice, + can be imagined to do. The straitest ties of blood could not secure any + one from his detraction. His nephew, the Count de Guiche, was a victim: + he had in truth, offended the Count de Grammont, by having supplanted + him in the affection of the Countess de Fiesque, whom he loved + afterwards for the space of twelve years. Here was enough to irritate + the self-love of a man less persuaded of his own merit.” Hamilton does + not describe the exterior of the count, but accuses Bussi-Rabutin of + having, in the following description, given a more agreeable than + faithful portrait of him: “The chevalier had laughing eyes, a + well-formed nose, a beautiful mouth, a small dimple in the chin, which + had an agreeable effect on his countenance, a certain delicacy in his + physiognomy, and a handsome shape, if he had not stooped.”] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + “You are sensible how much gallantry has cost you; and every person here + is not so well acquainted with that matter as yourself. Play boldly: + entertain the court with your wit: divert the king by your ingenious and + entertaining stories; but avoid all engagements which can deprive you of + this merit, and make you forget you are a stranger and an exile in this + delightful country. + </p> + <p> + “Fortune may bow weary of befriending you at play. What would have become + of you, if your last misfortune had happened to you when your money had + been at as low an ebb as I have known it? Attend carefully then to this + necessary deity, and renounce the other. You will be missed at the court + of France before you grow weary of this; but be that as it may, lay up a + good store of money: when a man is rich he consoles himself for his + banishment. I know you well, my dear Chevalier: if you take it into your + head to seduce a lady, or to supplant a lover, your gains at play will by + no means suffice for presents and for bribes: no, let play be as + productive to you as it can be, you will never gain so much by it as you + will lose by love, if you yield to it. + </p> + <p> + “You are in possession of a thousand splendid qualifications which + distinguish you here: generous, benevolent, elegant, and polite; and for + your engaging wit, inimitable. Upon a strict examination, perhaps, all + this would not be found literally true; but these are brilliant marks; and + since it is granted that you possess them, do not show yourself here in + any other light: for, in love, if your manner of paying your addresses can + be so denominated, you do not in the least resemble the picture I have + just now drawn.” + </p> + <p> + “My little philosophical monitor,” said the Chevalier de Grammont, “you + talk here as if you were the Cato of Normandy.” “Do I say anything + untrue?” replied Saint Evremond: “Is it not a fact, that as soon as a + woman pleases you, your first care is to find out whether she has any + other lover, and your second how to plague her; for the gaining her + affection is the last thing in your thoughts. You seldom engage in + intrigues, but to disturb the happiness of others: a mistress who has no + lovers would have no charms for you, and if she has, she would be + invaluable. Do not all the places through which you have passed furnish me + with a thousand examples? Shall I mention your coup d’essai at Turin? the + trick you played at Fontainebleau, where you robbed the Princess + Palatine’s courier upon the highway? and for what purpose was this fine + exploit, but to put you in possession of some proofs of her affection for + another, in order to give her uneasiness and confusion by reproaches and + menaces, which you had no right to use? + </p> + <p> + “Who but yourself ever took it into his head to place himself in ambush + upon the stairs, to disturb a man in an intrigue, and to pull him back by + the leg when he was half way up to his mistress’s chamber? yet did not you + use your friend the Duke of Buckingham in this manner, when he was + stealing at night to ——— although you were not in the + least his rival? How many spies did not you send out after d’Olonne? + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Mademoiselle de la Loupe, who is mentioned in De Retz’s Memoirs, vol. + iii., p. 95. She married the Count d’Olonne, and became famous for her + gallantries, of which the Count de Bussi speaks so much, in his History + of the Amours of the Gauls. Her maiden name was Catherine Henrietta + d’Angennes, and she was daughter to Charles d’Angennes, Lord of la + Loupe, Baron of Amberville, by Mary du Raynier. There is a long + character of her by St. Evremond, in his works, vol. i., p. 17. The same + writer, mentioning the concern of some ladies for the death of the Duke + of Candale, says, “But his true mistress (the Countess d’Olonne) made + herself famous by the excess of her affliction, and had, in my opinion, + been happy, if she had kept it on to the last. One amour is creditable + to a lady; and I know not whether it be not more advantageous to their + reputation than never to have been in love.”—St. Evremond’s works, + vol. ii., p. 24.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + “How many tricks, frauds, and persecutions, did you not practise for the + Countess de Fiesque, who perhaps might have been constant to you, if you + had not yourself forced her to be otherwise? But, to conclude, for the + enumeration of your iniquities would be endless, give me leave to ask you, + how you came here? Are not we obliged to that same evil genius of yours, + which rashly inspired you to intermeddle even in the gallantries of your + prince? Show some discretion then on this point here, I beseech you; all + the beauties of the court are already engaged; and however docile the + English may be with respect to their wives, they can by no means bear the + inconstancy of their mistresses, nor patiently suffer the advantages of a + rival: suffer them therefore to remain in tranquillity, and do not gain + their ill-will for no purpose. + </p> + <p> + “You certainly will meet with no success with such as are unmarried: + honourable views, and good landed property, are required here; and you + possess as much of the one as the other. Every country has its customs: in + Holland, unmarried ladies are of easy access, and of tender dispositions; + but as soon as ever they are married, they become like so many Lucretias: + in France, the women are great coquettes before marriage, and still more + so afterwards; but here it is a miracle if a young lady yields to any + proposal but that of matrimony and I do not believe you yet so destitute + of grace as to think of that.” + </p> + <p> + Such were Saint Evremond’s lectures; but they were all to no purpose: the + Chevalier de Grammont only attended to them for his amusement; and though + he was sensible of the truth they contained, he paid little regard to + them: in fact, being weary of the favours of fortune, he had just resolved + to pursue those of love. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Middleton was the first whom he attacked: she was one of the + Handsomest women in town, though then little known at court: so much of + the coquette as to discourage no one; and so great was her desire of + appearing magnificently, that she was ambitious to vie with those of the + greatest fortunes, though unable to support the expense. All this suited + the Chevalier de Grammont; therefore, without trifling away his time in + useless ceremonies, he applied to her porter for admittance, and chose one + of her lovers for his confidant. + </p> + <p> + This lover, who was not deficient in wit, was at that time a Mr. Jones, + afterwards Earl of Ranelagh: what engaged him to serve the Chevalier de + Grammont, was to traverse the designs of a most dangerous rival, and to + relieve himself from an expense which began to lie too heavy upon him. In + both respects the Chevalier answered his purpose. + </p> + <p> + Immediately spies were placed, letters and presents flew about: he was + received as well as he could wish: he was permitted to ogle: he was even + ogled again; but this was all. He found that the fair one was very willing + to accept, but was tardy in making returns. This induced him, without + giving up his pretensions to her, to seek his fortune elsewhere. + </p> + <p> + Among the queen’s maids of honour, there was one called Warmestre: she was + a beauty very different from the other. Mrs. Middleton was well made, + fair, and delicate; but had in her behaviour and discourse something + precise and affected. The indolent languishing airs she gave herself did + not please everybody: people grew weary of those sentiments of delicacy, + which she endeavoured to explain without understanding them herself; and + instead of entertaining she became tiresome. In these attempts she gave + herself so much trouble, that she made the company uneasy, and her + ambition to pass for a wit, only established her the reputation of being + tiresome, which lasted much longer than her beauty. + </p> + <p> + Miss Warmestre was brown: she had no shape at all, and still less air; but + she had a very lively complexion, very sparkling eyes, tempting looks, + which spared nothing that might ensnare a lover, and promised everything + which could preserve him. In the end, it very plainly appeared that her + consent went along with her eyes to the last degree of indiscretion. + </p> + <p> + It was between these two goddesses that the inclinations of the Chevalier + de Grammont stood wavering, and between whom his presents were divided. + Perfumed gloves, pocket looking-glasses, elegant boxes, apricot paste, + essences, and other small wares of love, arrived every week from Paris, + with some new suit for himself; but, with regard to more solid presents, + such as ear-rings, diamonds, brilliants, and bright guineas, all this was + to be met with of the best sort in London, and the ladies were as well + pleased with them as if they had been brought from abroad. + </p> + <p> + Miss Stewart’s beauty began at this time to be celebrated. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Frances, Duchess of Richmond, daughter of Walter Stewart, son of + Walter, Baron of Blantyre, and wife of Charles Stewart, Duke of Richmond + and Lennox: a lady of exquisite beauty, if justly represented in a + puncheon made by Roettiere, his majesty’s engraver of the mint, in order + to strike a medal of her, which exhibits the finest face that perhaps + was ever seen. The king was supposed to be desperately in love with her; + and it became common discourse, that there was a design on foot to get + him divorced from the queen, in order to marry this lady. Lord Clarendon + was thought to have promoted the match with the Duke of Richmond, + thereby to prevent the other design, which he imagined would hurt the + king’s character, embroil his affairs at present, and entail all the + evils of a disputed succession on the nation. Whether he actually + encouraged the Duke of Richmond’s marriage, doth not appear; but it is + certain that he was so strongly possessed of the king’s inclination to a + divorce, that, even after his disgrace, he was persuaded the Duke of + Buckingham had under taken to carry that matter through the parliament. + It is certain too that the king considered him as the chief promoter of + Miss Stewart’s marriage, and resented it in the highest degree. (See + Pepys’ Diaries. Ed.) The ceremony took place privately, and it was + publicly declared in April, 1667. From one of Sir Robert Southwell’s + dispatches, dated Lisbon, December 12, 1667, it appears that the report + of the queen’s intended divorce had not then subsided in her native + country.—History of the Revolutions of Portugal, 1740, p. 352. The + duchess became a widow in 1672, and died October 15, 1702. See Burnet’s + History, Ludlow’s Memoirs, and Carte’s Life of the Duke of Ormond. A + figure in wax of this duchess is still to be seen in Westminster-abbey.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + The Countess of Castlemaine perceived that the king paid attention to her; + but, instead of being alarmed at it, she favoured, as far as she was able, + this new inclination, whether from an indiscretion common to all those who + think themselves superior to the rest of mankind, or whether she designed, + by this pastime, to divert the king’s attention from the commerce which + she held with Jermyn. She was not satisfied with appearing without any + degree of uneasiness at a preference which all the court began to remark: + she even affected to make Miss Stewart her favourite, and invited her to + all the entertainments she made for the king; and, in confidence of her + own charms, with the greatest indiscretion, she often kept her to sleep. + The king, who seldom neglected to visit the countess before she rose, + seldom failed likewise to find Miss Stewart in bed with her. The most + indifferent objects have charms in a new attachment: however, the + imprudent countess was not jealous of this rival’s appearing with her, in + such a situation, being confident, that whenever she thought fit, she + could triumph over all the advantages which these opportunities could + afford Miss Stewart; but she was quite mistaken. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont took notice of this conduct, without being able + to comprehend it; but, as he was attentive to the inclinations of the + king, he began to make his court to him, by enhancing the merit of this + new mistress. Her figure was more showy than engaging: it was hardly + possible for a woman to have less wit, or more beauty: all her features + were fine and regular; but her shape was not good: yet she was slender, + straight enough, and taller than the generality of women: she was very + graceful, danced well, and spoke French better than her mother tongue: she + was well bred, and possessed, in perfection, that air of dress which is so + much admired, and which cannot be attained, unless it be taken when young, + in France. While her charms were gaining ground in the king’s heart, the + Countess of Castlemaine amused herself in the gratification of all her + caprices. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Hyde was one of the first of the beauties who were prejudiced with a + blind prepossession in favour of Jermyn she had just married a man whom + she loved: by this marriage she became sister-in-law to the duchess, + brilliant by her own native lustre, and full of pleasantry and wit. + However, she was of opinion, that so long as she was not talked of on + account of Jermyn, all her other advantages would avail nothing for her + glory: it was, therefore, to receive this finishing stroke, that she + resolved to throw herself into his arms. + </p> + <p> + She was of a middle size, had a skin of a dazzling whiteness, fine hands, + and a foot surprisingly beautiful, even in England: long custom had given + such a languishing tenderness to her looks, that she never opened her eyes + but like a Chinese; and, when she ogled, one would have thought she was + doing something else. + </p> + <p> + Jermyn accepted of her at first; but, being soon puzzled what to do with + her, he thought it best to sacrifice her to Lady Castlemaine. The + sacrifice was far from being displeasing to her; it was much to her glory + to have carried off Jermyn from so many competitors; but this was of no + consequence in the end. + </p> + <p> + Jacob Hall (the famous rope-dancer) was at that time in vogue in London; + his strength and agility charmed in public, even to a wish to know what he + was in private; for he appeared, in his tumbling dress, to be quite of a + different make, and to have limbs very different from the fortunate + Jermyn. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [“There was a symmetry and elegance, as well as strength and agility, in + the person of Jacob Hall, which was much admired by the ladies, who + regarded him as a due composition of Hercules and Adonis. The + open-hearted Duchess of Cleveland was said to have been in love with + this rope-dancer and Goodman the player at the same time. The former + received a salary from her grace.”—Granger, vol. ii., part 2, p. + 461. In reference to the connection between the duchess and the + ropedancer, Mr. Pope introduced the following lines into his “Sober + Advice from Horace:” “What push’d poor E—s on th’ imperial whore? + ‘Twas but to be where Charles had been before, The fatal steel unjustly + was apply’d, When not his lust offended, but his pride Too hard a + penance for defeated sin, Himself shut out, and Jacob Hall let in.”] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + The tumbler did not deceive Lady Castlemaine’s expectations, if report may + be believed; and as was intimated in many a song, much more to the honour + of the rope-dancer than of the countess; but she despised all these + rumours, and only appeared still more handsome. + </p> + <p> + While satire thus found employment at her cost, there were continual + contests for the favours of another beauty, who was not much more + niggardly in that way than herself; this was the Countess of Shrewsbury. + </p> + <p> + The Earl of Arran, who had been one of her first admirers, was not one of + the last to desert her; this beauty, less famous for her conquests than + for the misfortunes she occasioned, placed her greatest merits in being + more capricious than any other. As no person could boast of being the only + one in her favour; so no person could complain of having been ill + received. + </p> + <p> + Jermyn was displeased that she had made no advances to him, without + considering that she had no leisure for it; his pride was offended; but + the attempt which he made to take her from the rest of her lovers was very + ill-advised. + </p> + <p> + Thomas Howard, brother to the Earl of Carlisle, was one of them; there was + not a braver, nor a more genteel man in England; and though he was of a + modest demeanour, and his manners appeared gentle and pacific, no person + was more spirited nor more passionate. Lady Shrewsbury, inconsiderately + returning the first ogles of the invincible Jermyn, did not at all make + herself more agreeable to Howard; that, however, she paid little attention + to; yet, as she designed to keep fair with him, she consented to accept an + entertainment which he had often proposed, and which she durst no longer + refuse. A place of amusement, called Spring Garden,—was fixed upon + for the scene of this entertainment. + </p> + <p> + As soon as the party was settled, Jermyn was privately informed of it. + Howard had a company in the regiment of guards, and one of the soldiers of + his company played pretty well on the bagpipes; this soldier was therefore + at the entertainment. Jermyn was at the garden, as by chance; and, puffed + up with his former successes, he trusted to his victorious air for + accomplishing this last enterprise; he no sooner appeared on the walks, + than her ladyship showed herself upon the balcony. + </p> + <p> + I know not how she stood affected to her hero; but Howard did not fancy + him much; this did not prevent his coming up stairs upon the first sign + she made to him; and not content with acting the petty tyrant, at an + entertainment not made for himself, no sooner had he gained the soft looks + of the fair one, than he exhausted all his common-place, and all his stock + of low irony, in railing at the entertainment, and ridiculing the music. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Spring Garden: They stay there so long as if they wanted not time to + finish the race; for it is usual here to find some of the young company + till midnight; and the thickets of the garden seem to be contrived to + all advantages of gallantry, after they have refreshed with the + collation, which is here seldom omitted, at a certain cabaret, in the + middle of this paradise, where the forbidden fruits are certain trifling + tarts, newts’ tongues, spacious meats, and bad Rhenish, for which the + gallants pay sauce, as indeed they do at all such houses throughout + England; for they think it a piece of frugality beneath them to bargain + or account for what they eat in any place, however unreasonably imposed + upon.‘’-Character of England, 12mo., 1659, p. 56, written, it is said, + by John Evelyn, Esq. Spring Garden is the scene of intrigue in many of + our comedies of this period.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + Howard possessed but little raillery, and still less patience; three times + was the banquet on the point of being stained with blood; but three times + did he suppress his natural impetuosity, in order to satisfy his + resentment elsewhere with greater freedom. + </p> + <p> + Jermyn, without paying the least attention to his ill-humour, pursued his + point, continued talking to Lady Shrewsbury, and did not leave her until + the repast was ended. + </p> + <p> + He went to bed, proud of this triumph, and was awakened next morning by a + challenge. He took for his second Giles Rawlings, a man of intrigue, and a + deep player. Howard took Dillon, who was dexterous and brave, much of a + gentleman, and, unfortunately, an intimate friend to Rawlings. + </p> + <p> + In this duel fortune did not side with the votaries of love poor Rawlings + was left stone dead; and Jermyn, having received three wounds, was carried + to his uncle’s, with very little signs of life. + </p> + <p> + While the report of this event engaged the courtiers according to their + several interests, the Chevalier de Grammont was informed by Jones, his + friend, his confidant, and his rival, that there was another gentleman + very attentive to Mrs. Middleton: this was Montagu, no very dangerous + rival on account of his person, but very much to be feared for his + assiduity, the acuteness of his wit, and for some other talents which are + of importance, when a man is once permitted to display them. + </p> + <p> + There needed not half so much to bring into action all the Chevalier’s + vivacity, in point of competition: vexation awakened in him whatever + expedients the desire of revenge, malice, and experience, could suggest, + for troubling the designs of a rival, and tormenting a mistress. His first + intention was to return her letters, and demand his presents, before he + began to tease her; but, rejecting this project, as too weak a revenge for + the injustice done him, he was upon the point of conspiring the + destruction of poor Mrs. Middleton, when, by accident, he met with Miss + Hamilton. From this moment ended all his resentment against Mrs. + Middleton, and all his attachment to Miss Warmestre: no longer was he + inconstant: no longer were his wishes fluctuating: this object fixed them + all; and, of all his former habits, none remained, except uneasiness and + jealousy. + </p> + <p> + Here his first care was to please; but he very plainly saw, that to + succeed he must act quite in a different manner to that which he had been + accustomed to. + </p> + <p> + The family of the Hamiltons, being very numerous, lived in a large and + commodious house, near the court: the Duke of Ormond’s family was + continually with them; and here persons of the greatest distinction in + London, constantly met: the Chevalier de Grammont was here received in a + manner agreeable to his merit and quality, and was astonished that he had + spent so much time in other places; for, after having made this + acquaintance, he was desirous of no other. + </p> + <p> + All the world agreed that Miss Hamilton was worthy of the most ardent and + sincere affection: nobody could boast a nobler birth, nothing was more + charming than her person. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Elizabeth, sister of the author of these Memoirs, and daughter of Sir + George Hamilton, fourth son of James, the first Earl of Abercorn, by + Mary, third daughter of Thomas, Viscount Thurles, eldest son of Walter, + eleventh Earl of Ormond, and sister to James, the first Duke of Ormond. + She married Philibert, Count of Grammont, the hero of these Memoirs, by + whom she had two daughters: Claude Charlotte, married, 3rd April, 1694, + to Henry, Earl of Stafford; and another, who became superior, or abbess, + of the Canonesses in Lorraine.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0007" id="link2HCH0007"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER SEVENTH. HE FALLS IN LOVE WITH MISS HAMILTON—VARIOUS + ADVENTURES AT THE BALL IN THE QUEEN’S DRAWING-ROOM—CURIOUS VOYAGE OF + HIS VALET-DE-CHAMBRE TO AND FROM PARIS + </h2> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont, never satisfied in his amours, was fortunate + without being beloved, and became jealous without having an attachment. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Middleton, as we have said, was going to experience what methods he + could invent to torment, after having experienced his powers of pleasing. + </p> + <p> + He went in search of her to the queen’s drawing-room, where there was a + ball; there she was; but fortunately for her, Miss Hamilton was there + likewise. It had so happened, that of all the beautiful women at Court, + this was the lady whom he had least seen, and whom he had heard most + commended; this, therefore, was the first time that he had a close view of + her, and he soon found that he had seen nothing at court before this + instant; he asked her some questions, to which she replied; as long as she + was dancing, his eyes were fixed upon her; and from this time he no longer + resented Mrs. Middleton’s conduct. Miss Hamilton was at the happy age when + the charms of the fair sex begin to bloom; she had the finest shape, the + loveliest neck, and most beautiful arms in the world; she was majestic and + graceful in all her movements; and she was the original after which all + the ladies copied in their taste and air of dress. Her forehead was open, + white, and smooth; her hair was well set, and fell with ease into that + natural order which it is so difficult to imitate. Her complexion was + possessed of a certain freshness, not to be equalled by borrowed colours: + her eyes were not large, but they were lively, and capable of expressing + whatever she pleased: her mouth was full of graces, and her contour + uncommonly perfect; nor was her nose, which was small, delicate, and + turned up, the least ornament of so lovely a face. In fine, her air, her + carriage, and the numberless graces dispersed over her whole person, made + the Chevalier de Grammont not doubt but that she was possessed of every + other qualification. Her mind was a proper companion for such a form: she + did not endeavour to shine in conversation by those sprightly sallies + which only puzzle; and with still greater care she avoided that affected + solemnity in her discourse, which produces stupidity; but, without any + eagerness to talk, she just said what she ought, and no more. She had an + admirable discernment in distinguishing between solid and false wit; and + far from making an ostentatious display of her abilities, she was + reserved, though very just in her decisions: her sentiments were always + noble, and even lofty to the highest extent, when there was occasion; + nevertheless, she was less prepossessed with her own merit than is usually + the case with those who have so much. Formed, as we have described, she + could not fail of commanding love; but so far was she from courting it, + that she was scrupulously nice with respect to those whose merit might + entitle them to form any pretensions to her. + </p> + <p> + The more the Chevalier de Grammont was convinced of these truths, the more + did he endeavour to please and engage her in his turn: his entertaining + wit, his conversation, lively, easy, and always distinguished by novelty, + constantly gained him attention; but he was much embarrassed to find that + presents, which so easily made their way in his former method of + courtship, were no longer proper in the mode which, for the future, he was + obliged to pursue. + </p> + <p> + He had an old valet-de-chambre, called Termes, a bold thief, and a still + more impudent liar: he used to send this man from London every week, on + the commissions we have before mentioned; but after the disgrace of Mrs. + Middleton, and the adventure of Miss Warmestre, Mr. Termes was only + employed in bringing his master’s clothes from Paris, and he did not + always acquit himself with the greatest fidelity in that employment, as + will appear hereafter. + </p> + <p> + The queen was a woman of sense, and used all her endeavours to please the + king, by that kind obliging behaviour which her affection made natural to + her: she was particularly attentive in promoting every sort of pleasure + and amusement especially such as she could be present at herself. + </p> + <p> + She had contrived, for this purpose, a splendid masquerade, where those, + whom she appointed to dance, had to represent different nations; she + allowed some time for preparation, during which we may suppose, the + tailors, the mantua makers, and embroiderers, were not idle: nor were the + beauties, who were to be there, less anxiously employed; however, Miss + Hamilton found time enough to invent two or three little tricks, in a + conjuncture so favourable, for turning into ridicule the vain fools of the + court. There were two who were very eminently such: the one was Lady + Muskerry, who had married her cousin-german; and the other a maid of + honour to the Duchess, called Blague. + </p> + <p> + The first, whose husband most assuredly never married her for beauty, was + made like the generality of rich heiresses, to whom just nature seems + sparing of her gifts, in proportion as they are loaded with those of + fortune: she had the shape of a woman big with child, without being so; + but had a very good reason for limping; for, of two legs uncommonly short, + one was much shorter than the other. A face suitable to this description + gave the finishing stroke to this disagreeable figure. + </p> + <p> + Miss Blague was another species of ridicule: her shape was neither good + nor bad: her countenance bore the appearance of the greatest insipidity, + and her complexion was the same all over; with two little hollow eyes, + adorned with white eye-lashes, as long as one’s finger. With these + attractions she placed herself in ambuscade to surprise unwary hearts; but + she might have done so in vain, had it not been for the arrival of the + Marquis de Brisacier. Heaven seemed to have made them for each other: he + had in his person and manners every requisite to dazzle a creature of her + character he talked eternally, without saying anything, and in his dress + exceeded the most extravagant fashions. Miss Blague believed that all this + finery was on her account; and the Marquis believed that her long + eyelashes had never taken aim at any but himself: everybody perceived + their inclination for each other; but they had only conversed by mute + interpreters, when Miss Hamilton took it into her head to intermeddle in + their affairs. + </p> + <p> + She was willing to do everything in order, and therefore began with her + cousin Muskerry, on account of her rank. Her two darling foibles were + dress and dancing. Magnificence of dress was intolerable with her figure; + and though her dancing was still more insupportable, she never missed a + ball at court: and the queen had so much complaisance for the public, as + always to make her dance; but it was impossible to give her a part in an + entertainment so important and splendid as this masquerade: however, she + was dying with impatience for the orders she expected. + </p> + <p> + It was in consequence of this impatience, of which Miss Hamilton was + informed, that she founded the design of diverting herself at the expense + of this silly woman. The queen sent notes to those whom she appointed to + be present, and described the manner in which they were to be dressed. + Miss Hamilton wrote a note exactly in the same manner to Lady Muskerry, + with directions for her to be dressed in the Babylonian fashion. + </p> + <p> + She assembled her counsel to advise about the means of sending it: this + cabinet was composed of one of her brothers and a sister, who were glad to + divert themselves at the expense of those who deserved it. After having + consulted some time, they at last resolved upon a mode of conveying it + into her own hands. Lord Muskerry was just going out, when she received + it: he was a man of honour, rather serious, very severe, and a mortal + enemy to ridicule. His wife’s deformity was not so intolerable to him, as + the ridiculous figure she made upon all occasions. He thought that he was + safe in the present case, not believing that the queen would spoil her + masquerade by naming Lady Muskerry as one of the dancers nevertheless, as + he was acquainted with the passion his wife had to expose herself in + public, by her dress and dancing, he had just been advising her very + seriously to content herself with being a spectator of this entertainment, + even though the queen should have the cruelty to engage her in it: he then + took the liberty to show her what little similarity there was between her + figure, and that of persons to whom dancing and magnificence in dress were + allowable. His sermon concluded at last, by an express prohibition to + solicit a place at this entertainment, which they had no thoughts of + giving her; but far from taking his advice in good part, she imagined that + he was the only person who had prevented the queen from doing her an + honour she so ardently desired; and as soon as he was gone out, her design + was to go and throw herself at her Majesty’s feet to demand justice. She + was in this very disposition when she received the billet: three times did + she kiss it; and without regarding her husband’s injunctions, she + immediately got into her coach in order to get information of the + merchants who traded to the Levant, in what manner the ladies of quality + dressed in Babylon. + </p> + <p> + The plot laid for Miss Blague was of a different kind: she had such faith + in her charms, and was so confident of their effects, that she could + believe anything. Brisacier, whom she looked upon as desperately smitten, + had wit, which he set off with common-place talk, and with little sonnets: + he sung out of tune most methodically, and was continually exerting one or + other of these happy talents: the Duke of Buckingham did all he could to + spoil him, by the praises he bestowed both upon his voice and upon his + wit. + </p> + <p> + Miss Blague, who hardly understood a word of French, regulated herself + upon the Duke’s authority, in admiring the one and the other. It was + remarked, that all the words which he sung to her were in praise of fair + women, and that always taking this to herself, she cast down her eyes in + acknowledgment and consciousness. It was upon these observations they + resolved to make a jest of her, the first opportunity. + </p> + <p> + While these little projects were forming, the king, who always wished to + oblige the Chevalier de Grammont, asked him, if he would make one at the + masquerade, on condition of being Miss Hamilton’s partner? He did not + pretend to dance sufficiently well for an occasion like the present; yet + he was far from refusing the offer: “Sire,” said he, “of all the favours + you have been pleased to show me, since my arrival, I feel this more + sensibly than any other; and to convince you of my gratitude, I promise + you all the good offices in my power with Miss Stewart.” He said this, + because they had just given her an apartment separate from the rest of the + maids of honour, which made the courtiers begin to pay respect to her. The + king was very well pleased at this pleasantry, and having thanked him for + so necessary an offer: “Monsieur le Chevalier,” said he, “in what style do + you intend to dress yourself for the ball? I leave you the choice of all + countries.” “If so,” said the Chevalier, “I will dress after the French + manner, in order to disguise myself; for they already do me the honour to + take me for an Englishman in your city of London. Had it not been for + this, I should have wished to have appeared as a Roman; but for fear of + embroiling myself with Prince Rupert, who so warmly espouses the interests + of Alexander against Lord Thanet, who declares himself for Caesar, I dare + no longer think of assuming the hero: nevertheless, though I may dance + awkwardly, yet, by observing the tune, and with a little alertness, I hope + to come off pretty well; besides, Miss Hamilton will take care that too + much attention shall not be paid to me. As for my dress, I shall send + Termes off tomorrow morning; and if I do not show you at his return the + most splendid habit you have ever seen, look upon mine as the most + disgraced nation in your masquerade.” + </p> + <p> + Termes set out with ample instructions, on the subject of his journey: and + his master, redoubling his impatience on an occasion like the present, + before the courier could be landed, began to count the minutes in + expectation of his return: thus was he employed until the very eve of the + ball; and that was the day that Miss Hamilton and her little society had + fixed for the execution of their project. + </p> + <p> + Martial gloves were then very much in fashion: she had by chance several + pairs of them: she sent one to Miss Blague, accompanied with four yards of + yellow riband, the palest she could find, to which she added this note: + </p> + <p> + “You were the other day more charming than all the fair women in the + world: you looked yesterday still more fair than you did the day before: + if you go on, what will become of my heart? But it is a long time since + that has been a prey to your pretty little young wild boar’s eyes. Shall + you be at the masquerade to-morrow? But can there be any charms at an + entertainment, at which you are not present? It does not signify: I shall + know you in whatever disguise you may be: but I shall be better informed + of my fate, by the present I send you: you will wear knots of this riband + in your hair; and these gloves will kiss the most beautiful hands in the + universe.” + </p> + <p> + This billet, with the present, was delivered to Miss Blague with the same + success as the other had been conveyed to Lady Muskerry. Miss Hamilton had + just received an account of it, when the latter came to pay her a visit: + something seemed to possess her thoughts very much; when, having stayed + some time, her cousin desired her to walk into her cabinet. As soon as + they were there: “I desire your secrecy for what I am going to tell you,” + said Lady Muskerry. “Do not you wonder what strange creatures men are? Do + not trust to them, my dear cousin: my Lord Muskerry, who, before our + marriage, could have passed whole days and nights in seeing me dance, + thinks proper now to forbid me dancing, and says it does not become me. + This is not all: he has so often rung in my ears the subject of this + masquerade, that I am obliged to hide from him the honour the queen has + done me, in inviting me to it. However, I am surprised I am not informed + who is to be my partner: but if you knew what a plague it is, to find out, + in this cursed town, in what manner the people of Babylon dress, you would + pity me for what I have suffered since the time I have been appointed: + besides, the cost which it puts me to is beyond all imagination.” + </p> + <p> + Here it was that Miss Hamilton’s inclination to laugh, which had increased + in proportion as she endeavoured to suppress it, at length overcame her, + and broke out in an immoderate fit: Lady Muskerry took it in good humour, + not doubting but it was the fantastical conduct of her husband that she + was laughing at. Miss Hamilton told her that all husbands were much the + same, and that one ought not to be concerned at their whims; that she did + not know who was to be her partner at the masquerade; but that, as she was + named, the gentleman named with her would certainly not fail to attend + her; although she could not comprehend why he had not yet declared + himself, unless he likewise had some fantastical spouse, who had forbid + him to dance. + </p> + <p> + This conversation being finished, Lady Muskerry went away in great haste, + to endeavour to learn some news of her partner. Those who were accomplices + in the plot were laughing very heartily at this visit, when Lord Muskerry + paid them one in his turn, and taking Miss Hamilton aside: “Do you know,” + said he, “whether there is to be any ball in the city tomorrow?” “No,” + said she; “but why do you ask?” “Because,” said he, “I am informed that my + wife is making great preparations of dress. I know very well she is not to + be at the masquerade: that I have taken care of; but as the devil is in + her for dancing, I am very much afraid that she will be affording some + fresh subject for ridicule, notwithstanding all my precautions: however, + if it was amongst the citizens, at some private party, I should not much + mind it.” + </p> + <p> + They satisfied him as well as they could, and having dismissed him, under + pretence of a thousand things they had to prepare for the next day, Miss + Hamilton thought herself at liberty for that morning, when in came Miss + Price, one of the maids of honour to the Duchess. This was just what she + was wishing for: This lady and Miss Blague had been at variance some time, + on account of Duncan, whom Miss Price had drawn away from the other; and + hatred still subsisted between these two divinities. + </p> + <p> + Though the maids of honour were not nominated for the masquerade, yet they + were to assist at it; and, consequently, were to neglect nothing to set + themselves off to advantage. Miss Hamilton had still another pair of + gloves of the same sort as those she had sent to Miss Blague, which she + made a present of to her rival, with a few knots of the same riband, which + appeared to have been made on purpose for her, brown as she was. Miss + Price returned her a thousand thanks, and promised to do herself the + honour of wearing them at the ball. “You will oblige me if you do,” said + Miss Hamilton, “but if you mention that such a trifle as this comes from + me, I shall never forgive you; but,” continued she, “do not go and rob + poor Miss Blague of the Marquis Brisacier, as you already have of Duncan: + I know very well that it is wholly in your power: you have wit: you speak + French: and were he once to converse with you ever so little the other + could have no pretensions to him.” This was enough: Miss Blague was only + ridiculous and coquettish: Miss Price was ridiculous, coquettish, and + something else besides. + </p> + <p> + The day being come, the court, more splendid than ever, exhibited all its + magnificence at this masquerade. The company were all met except the + Chevalier de Grammont: every body was astonished that he should be one of + the last at such a time, as his readiness was so remarkable on every + occasion; but they were still more surprised to see him at length appear + in an ordinary court-dress, which he had worn before. The thing was + preposterous on such an occasion, and very extraordinary with respect to + him: in vain had he the finest point-lace, with the largest and best + powdered peruke imaginable his dress, magnificent enough for any other + purpose, was not at all proper for this entertainment. + </p> + <p> + The king immediately took notice of it: “Chevalier,” said he, “Termes is + not arrived then?” “Pardon me, sire,” said he, “God be thanked!” “Why God + be thanked?” said the king; “has anything happened to him on the road?” + “Sire,” said the Chevalier de Grammont, “this is the history of my dress, + and of Termes, my messenger.” At these words the ball, ready to begin, was + suspended: the dancers making a circle around the Chevalier de Grammont, + he continued his story in the following manner: + </p> + <p> + “It is now two days since this fellow ought to have been here, according + to my orders and his protestations: you may judge of my impatience all + this day, when I found he did not come: at last, after I had heartily + cursed him, about an hour ago he arrived, splashed all over from head to + foot, booted up to the waist, and looking as if he had been excommunicated + ‘Very well, Mr. Scoundrel,’ said I, ‘this is just like you, you must be + waited for to the very last minute, and it is a miracle that you are + arrived at all.’ ‘Yes, faith,’ said he, ‘it is a miracle. You are always + grumbling: I had the finest suit in the world made for you, which the Duke + de Guise himself was at the trouble of ordering.’ ‘Give it me then, + scoundrel,’ said I. ‘Sir,’ said he, ‘if I did not employ a dozen + embroiderers upon it, who did nothing but work day and night, I am a + rascal: I never left them one moment: ‘And where is it traitor?’ said I: + ‘do not stand here prating, while I should be dressing.’ ‘I had,’ + continued he, ‘packed it up, made it tight, and folded it in such a + manner, that all the rain in the world could never have been able to reach + it; and I rid post, day and night, knowing your impatience, and that you + were not to be trifled with.’ ‘But where is it?’ said I. ‘Lost, sir,’ said + he, clasping his hands. ‘How! lost,’ said I, in surprise. ‘Yes, lost, + perished, swallowed up: what can I say more?’ ‘What! was the packet-boat + cast away then?’ said I. ‘Oh! indeed, sir, a great deal worse, as you + shall see,’ answered he: ‘I was within half a league of Calais yesterday + morning, and I was resolved to go by the sea-side, to make greater haste; + but, indeed, they say very true, that nothing is like the highway; for I + got into a quicksand, where I sunk up to the chin.’ ‘A quicksand,’ said I, + ‘near Calais?’ ‘Yes, sir,’ said he, ‘and such a quicksand that, the devil + take me, if they saw anything but the top of my head when they pulled me + out: as for my horse, fifteen men could scarce get him out; but the + portmanteau, where I had unfortunately put your clothes, could never be + found: it must be at least a league under ground.’ + </p> + <p> + “This, sire,” continued the Chevalier de Grammont, “is the adventure, and + the relation which this honest gentleman has given me of it. I should + certainly have killed him, but I was afraid of making Miss Hamilton wait, + and I was desirous of giving your Majesty immediate advice of the + quicksand, that your couriers may take care to avoid it.” + </p> + <p> + The King was ready to split his sides with laughing, when the Chevalier de + Grammont, resuming the discourse, “apropos, sire,” said he, “I had forgot + to tell you, that, to increase my ill-humour, I was stopped, as I was + getting out of my chair, by the devil of a phantom in masquerade, who + would by all means persuade me that the queen had commanded me to dance + with her; and as I excused myself with the least rudeness possible, she + charged me to find out who was to be her partner, and desired me to send + him to her immediately so that your Majesty will do well to give orders + about it; for she has placed herself in ambush in a coach, to seize upon + all those who pass through Whitehall. However, I must tell you, that it is + worth while to see her dress; for she must have at least sixty ells of + gauze and silver tissue about her, not to mention a sort of a pyramid upon + her head, adorned with a hundred thousand baubles.” + </p> + <p> + This last account surprised all the assembly, except those who had a share + in the plot. The queen assured them, that all she had appointed for the + ball were present; and the king, having paused some minutes: “I bet,” said + he, “that it is the Duchess of Newcastle.” “And I,” said Lord Muskerry, + coming up to Miss Hamilton, “will bet it is another fool; for I am very + much mistaken if it is not my wife.” + </p> + <p> + The king was for sending to know who it was, and to bring her in: Lord + Muskerry offered himself for that service, for the reason already + mentioned; and it was very well he did so. Miss Hamilton was not sorry for + this, knowing very well that he was not mistaken in his conjecture; the + jest would have gone much farther than she intended, if the Princess of + Babylon had appeared in all her glory. + </p> + <p> + The ball was not very well executed, if one maybe allowed the expression, + so long as they danced only slow dances; and yet there were as good + dancers, and as beautiful women in this assembly, as were to be found in + the whole world: but as their number was not great, they left the French, + and went to country dances. When they had danced some time, the king + thought fit to introduce his auxiliaries, to give the others a little + respite; the queen’s and the duchess’s maids of honour were therefore + called in to dance with the gentlemen. + </p> + <p> + Then it was that they were at leisure to take notice of Miss Blague, and + they found that the billet they had conveyed to her on the part of + Brisacier had its effect: she was more yellow than saffron: her hair was + stuffed with the citron-coloured riband, which she had put there out of + complaisance; and, to inform Brisacier of his fate, she raised often to + her head her victorious hands, adorned with the gloves we have before + mentioned: but, if they were surprised to see her in a head-dress that + made her look more wan than ever, she was very differently surprised to + see Miss Price partake with her in every particular of Brisacier’s + present: her surprise soon turned to jealousy; for her rival had not + failed to join in conversation with him, on account of what had been + insinuated to her the evening before; nor did Brisacier fail to return her + first advances, without paying the least attention to the fair Blague, nor + to the signs which she was tormenting herself to make him, to inform him + of his happy destiny. + </p> + <p> + Miss Price was short and thick, and consequently no dancer, the Duke of + Buckingham, who brought Brisacier forward as often as he could, came to + desire him, on the part of the king, to dance with Miss Blague, without + knowing what was then passing in this nymph’s heart: Brisacier excused + himself, on account of the contempt that he had for country dances: Miss + Blague thought that it was herself that he despised; and, seeing that he + was engaged in conversation with her mortal enemy, she began to dance, + without knowing what she was doing. Though her indignation and jealousy + were sufficiently remarkable to divert the court, none but Miss Hamilton + and her accomplices, understood the joke perfectly: their pleasure was + quite complete; for Lord Muskerry returned, still more confounded at the + vision, of which the Chevalier de Grammont had given the description. He + acquainted Miss Hamilton, that it was Lady Muskerry herself, a thousand + times more ridiculous than she had ever been before, and that he had had + an immense trouble to get her home, and place a sentry at her chamber + door. + </p> + <p> + The reader may think, perhaps, that we have dwelt too long on these + trifling incidents; perhaps he may be right. We will therefore pass to + others. + </p> + <p> + Everything favoured the Chevalier de Grammont in the new passion which he + entertained: he was not, however, without rivals; but, what is a great + deal more extraordinary, he was without uneasiness: he was acquainted with + their understandings, and no stranger to Miss Hamilton’s way of thinking. + </p> + <p> + Among her lovers, the most considerable, though the least professedly so, + was the Duke of York: it was in vain for him to conceal it, the court was + too well acquainted with his character to doubt of his inclinations for + her. He did not think it proper to declare such sentiments as were not fit + for Miss Hamilton to hear; but he talked to her as much as he could, and + ogled her with great assiduity. As hunting was his favourite diversion, + that sport employed him one part of the day, and he came home generally + much fatigued; but Miss Hamilton’s presence revived him, when he found her + either with the queen or the duchess. There it was that, not daring to + tell her of what lay heavy on his heart, he entertained her with what he + had in his head: telling her miracles of the cunning of foxes and the + mettle of horses; giving her accounts of broken legs and arms, dislocated + shoulders, and other curious and entertaining adventures; after which, his + eyes told her the rest, till such time as sleep interrupted their + conversation; for these tender interpreters could not help sometimes + composing themselves in the midst of their ogling. + </p> + <p> + The duchess was not at all alarmed at a passion which her rival was far + from thinking sincere, and with which she used to divert herself, as far + as respect would admit her; on the contrary, as her highness had an + affection and esteem for Miss Hamilton, she never treated her more + graciously than on the present occasion. + </p> + <p> + The two Russells, uncle and nephew,—were two other of the Chevalier + de Grammont’s rivals: the uncle was full seventy, and had distinguished + himself by his courage and fidelity in the civil wars. His passions and + intentions, with regard to Miss Hamilton, appeared both at once; but his + magnificence only appeared by halves in those gallantries which love + inspires. It was not long since the fashion of high crowned hats had been + left off, in order to fall into the other extreme. Old Russell, amazed at + so terrible a change, resolved to keep a medium, which made him + remarkable: he was still more so, by his constancy for cut doublets, which + he supported a long time after they had been universally suppressed; but, + what was more surprising than all, was a certain mixture of avarice and + liberality, constantly at war with each other, ever since he had entered + the list with love. + </p> + <p> + His nephew was only of a younger brother’s family, but was considered as + his uncle’s heir; and though he was under the necessity of attending to + his uncle for an establishment, and still more so of humouring him, in + order to get his estate, he could not avoid his fate. Mrs. Middleton + showed him a sufficient degree of preference; but her favours could not + secure him from the charms of Miss Hamilton: his person would have had + nothing disagreeable in it, if he had but left it to nature; but he was + formal in all his actions, and silent even to stupidity; and yet rather + more tiresome when he did speak. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont, very much at his ease in all these + competitions, engaged himself more and more in his passion, without + forming other designs, or conceiving other hopes, than to render himself + agreeable. Though his passion was openly declared, no person at court + regarded it otherwise than as a habit of gallantry, which goes no farther + than to do justice to merit. + </p> + <p> + His monitor, Saint Evremond, was quite of a different opinion; and + finding, that, besides an immense increase of magnificence and assiduity, + he regretted those hours which he bestowed on play; that he no longer + sought after those long and agreeable conversations they used to have + together; and that this new attachment everywhere robbed him of himself: + </p> + <p> + “Monsieur le Chevalier,” said he, “methinks that for some time you have + left the town beauties and their lovers in perfect repose: Mrs. Middleton + makes fresh conquests with impunity, and wears your presents, under your + nose, without your taking the smallest notice. Poor Miss Warmestre has + been very quietly brought to bed in the midst of the court, without your + having even said a word about it. I foresaw it plain enough, Monsieur le + Chevalier, you have got acquainted with Miss Hamilton, and, what has never + before happened to you, you are really in love; but let us consider a + little what may be the consequence. In the first place, then, I believe, + you have not the least intention of seducing her: such is her birth and + merit, that if you were in possession of the estate and title of your + family, it might be excusable in you to offer yourself upon honourable + terms, however ridiculous marriage may be in general; for, if you only + wish for wit, prudence, and the treasures of beauty, you could not pay + your addresses to a more proper person: but for you, who possess only a + very moderate share of those of fortune, you cannot pay your addresses + more improperly. + </p> + <p> + “For your brother Toulongeon, whose disposition I am acquainted with, will + not have the complaisance to die, to favour your pretensions: but suppose + you had a competent fortune for you both—and that is supposing a + good deal—are you acquainted with the delicacy, not to say + capriciousness, of this fair one about such an engagement? Do you know + that she has had the choice of the best matches in England? The Duke of + Richmond paid his addresses to her first; but though he was in love with + her, still he was mercenary: however, the king, observing that want of + fortune was the only impediment to the match, took that article upon + himself, out of regard to the Duke of Ormond, to the merit and birth of + Miss Hamilton, and to her father’s services; but, resenting that a man, + who pretended to be in love, should bargain like a merchant, and likewise + reflecting upon his character in the world, she did not think that being + Duchess of Richmond was a sufficient recompense for the danger that was to + be feared from a brute and a debauchee. + </p> + <p> + “Has not little Jermyn, notwithstanding his uncle’s great estate, and his + own brilliant reputation, failed in his suit to her? And has she ever so + much as vouchsafed to look at Henry Howard, who is upon the point of being + the first duke in England, and who is already in actual possession of all + the estates of the house of Norfolk? I confess that he is a clown, but + what other lady in all England would not have dispensed with his stupidity + and his disagreeable person, to be the first duchess in the kingdom, with + twenty-five thousand a year? + </p> + <p> + “To conclude, Lord Falmouth has told me himself, that he has always looked + upon her as the only acquisition wanting to complete his happiness: but, + that even at the height of the splendour of his fortune, he never had had + the assurance to open his sentiments to her; that he either felt in + himself too much weakness, or too much pride, to be satisfied with + obtaining her solely by the persuasion of her relations; and that, though + the first refusals of the fair on such occasions are not much minded, he + knew with what an air she had received the addresses of those whose + persons she did not like. After this, Monsieur le Chevalier, consider what + method you intend to pursue: for, if you are in love, the passion will + still increase, and the greater the attachment, the less capable will you + be of making those serious reflections that are now in your power.” + </p> + <p> + “My poor philosopher,” answered the Chevalier de Grammont, “you understand + Latin very well, you can make good verses, you understand the course, and + are acquainted with the nature of the stars in the firmament; but, as for + the luminaries of the terrestrial globe, you are utterly unacquainted with + them: you have told me nothing about Miss Hamilton, but what the king told + me three days ago. That she has refused the savages you have mentioned is + all in her favour if she had admitted their addresses, I would have had + nothing to say to her, though I love her to distraction. Attend now to + what I am going to say: I am resolved to marry her, and I will have my + tutor Saint Evremond himself to be the first man to commend me for it. As + for an establishment, I shall make my peace with the king, and will + solicit him to make her one of the ladies of the bed-chamber to the queen: + this he will grant me. Toulongeon will die, without my assistance. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Count de Toulongeon was elder brother to Count Grammont, who, by his + death, in 1679, became, according to St. Evremond, on that event, one of + the richest noblemen at court.—See St. Evremond’s Works. vol. ii., + p. 327.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + “Notwithstanding all his care; Miss Hamilton will have Semeat,—[A + country seat belonging to the family of the Grammonts.]—with the + Chevalier de Grammont, as an indemnification for the Norfolks and + Richmonds. Now, have you any thing to advance against this project? For I + will bet you an hundred louis, that everything will happen as I have + foretold it.” + </p> + <p> + At this time the king’s attachment to Miss Stewart was so public, that + every person perceived, that if she was but possessed of art, she might + become as absolute a mistress over his conduct as she was over his heart. + This was a fine opportunity for those who had experience and ambition. The + Duke of Buckingham formed the design of governing her, in order to + ingratiate himself with the king: God knows what a governor he would have + been, and what a head he was possessed of, to guide another; however, he + was the properest man in the world to insinuate himself with Miss Stewart: + she was childish in her behaviour, and laughed at everything, and her + taste for frivolous amusements, though unaffected, was only allowable in a + girl about twelve or thirteen years old. A child, however, she was, in + every other respect, except playing with a doll: blind man’s buff was her + most favourite amusement: she was building castles of cards, while the + deepest play was going on in her apartments, where you saw her surrounded + by eager courtiers, who handed her the cards, or young architects, who + endeavoured to imitate her. + </p> + <p> + She had, however, a passion for music, and had some taste for singing. The + Duke of Buckingham, who built the finest towers of cards imaginable, had + an agreeable voice: she had no aversion to scandal: and the duke was both + the father and the mother of scandal, he made songs, and invented old + women’s stories, with which she was delighted; but his particular talent + consisted in turning into ridicule whatever was ridiculous in other + people, and in taking them off, even in their presence, without their + perceiving it: in short, he knew how to act all parts with so much grace + and pleasantry, that it was difficult to do without him, when he had a + mind to make himself agreeable; and he made himself so necessary to Miss + Stewart’s amusement, that she sent all over the town to seek for him, when + he did not attend the king to her apartments. + </p> + <p> + He was extremely handsome, and still thought himself much more so than he + really was: although he had a great deal of discernment, yet his vanity + made him mistake some civilities as intended for his person, which were + only bestowed on his wit and drollery: in short, being seduced by too good + an opinion of his own merit, he forgot his first project and his + Portuguese mistress, in order to pursue a fancy in which he mistook + himself; for he no sooner began to act a serious part with Miss Stewart, + than he met with so severe a repulse that he abandoned, at once, all his + designs upon her: however, the familiarity she had procured him with the + king, opened the way to those favours to which he was afterwards advanced. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [George Villiers, the second Duke of Buckingham, was born 30th January, + 1627. Lord Orford observes, “When this extraordinary man, with the + figure and genius of Alcibiades, could equally charm the presbyterian + Fairfax and the dissolute Charles; when he alike ridiculed that witty + king and his solemn chancellor: when he plotted the ruin of his country + with a cabal of bad ministers, or, equally unprincipled, supported its + cause with bad patriots,—one laments that such parts should have + been devoid of every virtue: but when Alcibiades turns chemist; when he + is a real bubble and a visionary miser; when ambition is but a frolic; + when the worst designs are for the foolishest ends,—contempt + extinguishes all reflection on his character.”] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + Lord Arlington took up the project which the Duke of Buckingham had + abandoned, and endeavoured to gain possession of the mind of the mistress, + in order to govern the master. A man of greater merit and higher birth + than himself might, however, have been satisfied with the fortune he had + already acquired. His first negotiations were during the treaty of the + Pyrenees: and though he was unsuccessful in his proceedings for his + employer, yet he did not altogether lose his time; for he perfectly + acquired, in his exterior, the serious air and profound gravity of the + Spaniards, and imitated pretty well their tardiness in business: he had a + scar across his nose, which was covered by a long patch, or rather by a + small plaister, in form of a lozenge. + </p> + <p> + Scars in the face commonly give a man a certain fierce and martial air, + which sets him off to advantage; but it was quite the contrary with him, + and this remarkable plaister so well suited his mysterious looks, that it + seemed an addition to his gravity and self-sufficiency. + </p> + <p> + Arlington, under the mask of this compound countenance where great + earnestness passed for business, and impenetrable stupidity for secrecy, + had given himself the character of a great politician; and no one having + leisure to examine him, he was taken at his word, and had been made + minister and secretary of state, upon the credit of his own importance. + </p> + <p> + His ambition soaring still above these high stations, after having + provided himself with a great number of fine maxims, and some historical + anecdotes, he obtained an audience of Miss Stewart, in order to display + them; at the same time offering her his most humble services, and best + advice, to assist her in conducting herself in the situation to which it + had pleased God and her virtue to raise her. But he was only in the + preface of his speech, when she recollected that he was at the head of + those whom the Duke of Buckingham used to mimic; and as his presence and + his language exactly revived the ridiculous ideas that had been given her + of him, she could not forbear bursting out into a fit of laughter in his + face, so much the more violent as she had for a long time struggled to + suppress it. + </p> + <p> + The minister was enraged: his pride became his post, and his punctilious + behaviour merited all the ridicule which could be attached to it: he + quitted her abruptly, with all the fine advice he had prepared for her, + and was almost tempted to carry it to Lady Castlemaine, and to unite + himself with her interests; or immediately to quit the court party, and + declaim freely in parliament against the grievances of the state, and + particularly to propose an act to forbid the keeping of mistresses; but + his prudence conquered his resentments; and thinking only how to enjoy + with pleasure the blessings of fortune, he sent to Holland for a wife, in + order to complete his felicity. + </p> + <p> + Hamilton was, of all the courtiers, the best qualified to succeed in an + enterprise, in which the Duke of Buckingham and Lord Arlington had + miscarried: he was thinking upon it; but his natural coquetry traversed + his intentions, and made him neglect the most advantageous prospects in + the world, in order unnecessarily to attend to the advances and + allurements thrown out to him by the Countess of Chesterfield. This was + one of the most agreeable women in the world: she had a most exquisite + shape, though she was not very tall; her complexion was extremely fair, + with all the expressive charms of a brunette; she had large blue eyes, + very tempting and alluring; her manners were engaging; her wit lively and + amusing; but her heart, ever open to tender sentiments, was neither + scrupulous in point of constancy, nor nice in point of sincerity. She was + daughter to the Duke of Ormond, and Hamilton, being her cousin-german, + they might be as much as they pleased in each other’s company without + being particular; but as soon as her eyes gave him some encouragement, he + entertained no other thoughts than how to please her, without considering + her fickleness, or the obstacles he had to encounter. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [This lady was Isabella, daughter to Lewis de Nassau, Lord Beverwaert, + son to Maurice, Prince of Orange, and Count Nassau. By her, Lord + Arlington had an only daughter, named Isabella.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + His intention, which we mentioned before, of establishing himself in the + confidence of Miss Stewart, no longer occupied his thoughts: she now was + of opinion that she was capable of being the mistress of her own conduct: + she had done all that was necessary to inflame the king’s passions, + without exposing her virtue by granting the last favours; but the + eagerness of a passionate lover, blessed with favourable opportunities, is + difficult to withstand, and still more difficult to vanquish; and Miss + Stewart’s virtue was almost exhausted, when the queen was attacked with a + violent fever, which soon reduced her to extreme danger. + </p> + <p> + Then it was that Miss Stewart was greatly pleased with herself for the + resistance she had made, though she had paid dearly for it: a thousand + flattering hopes of greatness and glory filled her heart, and the + additional respect that was universally paid her, contributed not a little + to increase them. The queen was given over by her physicians: the few + Portuguese women that had not been sent back to their own country filled + the court with doleful cries; and the good nature of the king was much + affected with the situation in which he saw a princess, whom, though he + did not love her, yet he greatly esteemed. She loved him tenderly, and + thinking that it was the last time she should ever speak to him, she told + him, that the concern he showed for her death, was enough to make her quit + life with regret; but that not possessing charms sufficient to merit his + tenderness, she had at least the consolation in dying to give place to a + consort who might be more worthy of it, and to whom heaven, perhaps, might + grant a blessing that had been refused to her. At these words, she bathed + his hands with some tears, which he thought would be her last: he mingled + his own with hers; and without supposing she would take him at his word, + he conjured her to live for his sake. She had never yet disobeyed him; + and, however dangerous sudden impulses may be, when one is between life + and death, this transport of joy, which might have proved fatal to her, + saved her life, and the king’s wonderful tenderness had an effect, for + which every person did not thank heaven in the same manner. + </p> + <p> + Jermyn had now for some time been recovered of his wounds: however, Lady + Castlemaine, finding his health in as deplorable a condition as ever, + resolved to regain the king’s heart, but in vain: for notwithstanding the + softness of her tears, and the violence of her passions, Miss Stewart + wholly possessed it. During this period the court was variously + entertained: sometimes there were promenades, and at others the court + beauties sallied out on horseback, and to make attacks with their charms + and graces, sometimes successfully, sometimes otherwise, but always to the + best of their abilities at other seasons there were such shows on the + river, as the city of London alone can afford. + </p> + <p> + The Thames washes the sides of a large though not a magnificent palace of + the kings of Great Britain:—[This was Whitehall, which was burnt + down, except the banqueting-house, 4th January, 1698.]—from the + stairs of this palace the court used to take water, in the summer + evenings, when the heat and dust prevented their walking in the park: an + infinite number of open boats, filled with the court and city beauties, + attended the barges, in which were the Royal Family: collations, music, + and fireworks, completed the scene. The Chevalier de Grammont always made + one of the company, and it was very seldom that he did not add something + of his own invention, agreeably to surprise by some unexpected stroke of + magnificence and gallantry. Sometimes he had complete concerts of vocal + and instrumental music, which he privately brought from Paris, and which + struck up on a sudden in the midst of these parties; sometimes he gave + banquets, which likewise came from France, and which, even in the midst of + London, surpassed the king’s collations. These entertainments sometimes + exceeded, as others fell short of his expectations, but they always cost + him an immense deal of money. + </p> + <p> + Lord Falmouth was one of those who had the greatest friendship and esteem + for the Chevalier de Grammont: this profusion gave him concern, and as he + often used to go and sup with him without ceremony, one day finding only + Saint Evremond there, and a supper fit for half a dozen guests, who had + been invited in form: “You must not,” said he, addressing himself to the + Chevalier de Grammont, “be obliged to me for this visit. I come from the + king’s ‘coucher’, where all the discourse was about you; and I can assure + you that the manner in which the king spoke of you, could not afford you + so much pleasure as I myself felt upon the occasion. You know very well, + that he has long since offered you his good offices with the King of + France; and for my own part,” continued he, smiling, “you know very well + that I would solicit him so to do, if it was not through fear of losing + you as soon as your peace is made; but, thanks to Miss Hamilton, you are + in no great haste: however, I am ordered by the king, my master, to + acquaint you, that while you remain here, until you are restored to the + favour of your sovereign, he presents you with a pension of fifteen + hundred Jacobus’s: it is indeed a trifle, considering the figure the + Chevalier de Grammont makes among us; but it will assist him,” said he, + embracing him, “to give us sometimes a supper.” + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont received, as he ought, the offer of a favour he + did not think proper to accept: “I acknowledge,” said he, “the king’s + bounty in this proposal, but I am still more sensible of Lord Falmouth’s + generosity in it; and I request him to assure his Majesty of my perfect + gratitude: the king, my master, will not suffer me to want, when he thinks + fit to recall me; and while I continue here, I will let you see that I + have wherewithal to give my English friends now and then a supper.” + </p> + <p> + At these words, he called for his strong box, and showed him seven or + eight thousand guineas in solid gold. Lord Falmouth, willing to improve to + the Chevalier’s advantage the refusal of so advantageous an offer, gave + Monsieur de Comminge, then ambassador at the English court, an account of + it; nor did Monsieur de Comminge fail to represent properly the merit of + such a refusal to the French court. + </p> + <p> + Hyde Park, every one knows, is the promenade of London! nothing was so + much in fashion, during the fine weather, as that promenade, which was the + rendezvous of magnificence and beauty: every one, therefore, who had + either sparkling eyes, or a splendid equipage, constantly repaired + thither; and the king seemed pleased with the place. + </p> + <p> + Coaches with glasses were then a late invention. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Coaches were first introduced into England in the year 1564. Taylor, + the water poet, (Works, 1630, p. 240,) says,—“One William Boonen, + a Dutchman, brought first the use of coaches hither; and the said Boonen + was Queen Elizabeth’s coachman; for, indeed, a coach was a strange + monster in those days, and the sight of them put both horse and man into + amazement.” Dr. Percy observes, they were first drawn by two horses, and + that it was the favourite Buckingham, who, about 1619, began to draw + with six horses. About the same time, he introduced the sedan. ‘The + Ultimum Vale of John Carleton’, 4to, 1663, p. 23, will, in a great + measure, ascertain the time of the introduction of glass coaches. He + says, “I could wish her (i. e. Mary Carleton’s) coach (which she said my + lord Taff bought for her in England, and sent it over to her, made of + the new fashion, wide glasse, very stately; and her pages and lacquies + were of the same livery,) was come for me,” &c.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + The ladies were afraid of being shut up in them: they greatly preferred + the pleasure of showing almost their whole persons, to the conveniences of + modern coaches: that which was made for the king not being remarkable for + its elegance, the Chevalier de Grammont was of opinion that something + ingenious might be invented, which should partake of the ancient fashion, + and likewise prove preferable to the modern; he therefore sent away Termes + privately with all the necessary instructions to Paris: the Duke of Guise + was likewise charged with this commission; and the courier, having by the + favour of Providence escaped the quicksand, in a month’s time brought + safely over to England the most elegant and magnificent calash that had + ever been seen, which the Chevalier presented to the king. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont had given orders that fifteen hundred louis + should be expended upon it; but the Duke of Guise, who was his friend, to + oblige him, laid out two thousand. All the court was in admiration at the + magnificence of the present; and the king, charmed with the Chevalier’s + attention to everything which could afford him pleasure, failed not to + acknowledge it: he would not, however, accept a present of so much value, + but upon condition that the Chevalier should not refuse another from him. + </p> + <p> + The queen, imagining that so splendid a carriage might prove fortunate for + her, wished to appear in it first, with the Duchess of York. Lady + Castlemaine, who had seen them in it, thinking that it set off a fine + figure to greater advantage than any other, desired the king to lend her + this wonderful calash to appear in it the first fine day in Hyde Park: + Miss Stewart had the same wish, and requested to have it on the same day. + As it was impossible to reconcile these two goddesses, whose former union + was turned into mortal hatred, the king was very much perplexed. + </p> + <p> + Lady Castlemaine was with child, and threatened to miscarry, if her rival + was preferred; Miss Stewart threatened, that she never would be with + child, if her request was not granted. This menace prevailed, and Lady + Castlemaine’s rage was so great, that she had almost kept her word; and it + was believed that this triumph cost her rival some of her innocence. + </p> + <p> + The queen dowager, who, though she had no share in these broils, had no + objection to them, and as usual being diverted with this circumstance, she + took occasion to joke with the Chevalier de Grammont, for having thrown + this bone of contention among such competitors; and did not fail to give + him, in the presence of the whole court, those praises which so + magnificent a present deserved: “But how comes it,” said she, “that you + have no equipage yourself, though you are at so great an expense? for I am + told that you do not keep even a single footman, and that one of the + common runners in the streets lights you home with a stinking link.” + “Madam,” said he, “the Chevalier de Grammont hates pomp: my linkboy, of + whom you speak, is faithful to my service; and besides, he is one of the + bravest fellows in the world. Your Majesty is unacquainted with the nation + of link-boys: it is a charming one, I can assure you: a man cannot step + out in the night without being surrounded by a dozen of them. The first + time I became acquainted with them, I retained all that offered me their + services; so that when I arrived at Whitehall, I had at least two hundred + about my chair: the sight was new; for those who had seen me pass with + this illumination, asked whose funeral it was. These gentlemen, however, + began fighting about some dozen shillings I had thrown among them then; + and he whom your Majesty mentions having beaten three or four of his + companions, I retained him for his valour. As for the parade of coaches + and footmen, I despise it: I have sometimes had five or six + valets-de-chambre at once, without having a single servant in livery, + except my chaplain Poussatin.” “How!” said the queen, bursting out + laughing, “a chaplain in your livery! he surely was not a priest?” “Pardon + me, madam,” said he, “and the first priest in the world for dancing the + Biscayan jig.” “Chevalier,” said the king, “pray tell us the history of + your chaplain Poussatin.” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0008" id="link2HCH0008"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER EIGHTH. FUNNY ADVENTURE OF THE CHAPLAIN POUSSATIN—THE STORY + OF THE SIEGE OF LERIDA—MARRIAGE OF THE DUKE OF YORK, AND OTHER + DETAILS ABOUT THE ENGLISH COURT + </h2> + <p> + “Sir,” said the Chevalier de Grammont, “the Prince de Conde besieged + Lerida: the place in itself was nothing; but Don Gregorio Brice who + defended it, was something. He was one of those Spaniards of the old + stamp, as valiant as the Cid, as proud as all the Guzmans put together, + and more gallant than all the Abencerrages of Granada: he suffered us to + make our first approaches to the place without the least molestation. The + Marshal de Grammont, whose maxim it was, that a governor who at first + makes a great blustering, and burns his suburbs in order to make a noble + defence, generally makes a very bad one, looked upon Gregorio de Brice’s + politeness as no good omen for us; but the prince, covered with glory, and + elated with the campaigns of Rocroy, Norlinguen, and Fribourg, to insult + both the place and the governor, ordered the trenches to be mounted at + noon-day by his own regiment, at the head of which marched four-and-twenty + fiddlers, as if it had been to a wedding. + </p> + <p> + “Night approaching, we were all in high spirits: our violins were playing + soft airs, and we were comfortably regaling ourselves: God knows how we + were joking about the poor governor and his fortifications, both of which + we promised ourselves to take in less than twenty-four hours. This was + going on in the trenches, when we heard an ominous cry from the ramparts, + repeated two or three times, of, ‘Alerte on the walls!’ This cry was + followed by a discharge of cannon and musketry, and this discharge by a + vigorous sally, which, after having filled up the trenches, pursued us as + far as our grand guard. + </p> + <p> + “The next day Gregorio Brice sent by a trumpet a present of ice and fruit + to the Prince de Conde, humbly beseeching his highness to excuse his not + returning the serenade which he was pleased to favour him with, as + unfortunately he had no violins; but that if the music of last night was + not disagreeable to him, he would endeavour to continue it as long as he + did him the honour to remain before the place. The Spaniard was as good as + his word; and as soon as we heard, ‘Alerte on the walls,’ we were sure of + a sally, that cleared our trenches, destroyed our works, and killed the + best of our officers and soldiers. The prince was so piqued at it, that, + contrary to the opinion of the general officers, he obstinately persisted + in carrying on a siege which was like to ruin his army, and which he was + at last forced to quit in a hurry. + </p> + <p> + “As our troops were retiring, Don Gregorio, far from giving himself those + airs which governors generally do on such occasions, made no other sally, + than sending a respectful compliment to the prince. Signor Brice set out + not long after for Madrid, to give an account of his conduct, and to + receive the recompense he had merited. Your majesty perhaps will be + desirous to know what reception poor Brice met with, after having + performed the most brilliant action the Spaniards could boast of in all + the war—he was confined by the inquisition.” + </p> + <p> + “How!” said the Queen Dowager, “confined by the inquisition for his + services!” “Not altogether for his services,” said the Chevalier; “but + without any regard to his services, he was treated in the manner I have + mentioned for a little affair of gallantry, which I shall relate to the + King presently. + </p> + <p> + “The campaign of Catalonia being thus ended, we were returning home, not + overloaded with laurels; but as the Prince de Conde had laid up a great + store on former occasions, and as he had still great projects in his head, + he soon forgot this trifling misfortune: we did nothing but joke with one + another during the march, and the prince was the first to ridicule the + siege. We made some of those rhymes on Lerida, which were sung all over + France, in order to prevent others more severe; however, we gained nothing + by it, for notwithstanding we treated ourselves freely in our own ballads, + others were composed in Paris in which we were ten times more severely + handled. At last we arrived at Perpignan upon a holy-day: a company of + Catalans, who were dancing in the middle of the street, out of respect to + the prince came to dance under his windows: Monsieur Poussatin, in a + little black jacket, danced in the middle of this company, as if he was + really mad. I immediately recognized him for my countryman, from his + manner of skipping and frisking about: the prince was charmed with his + humour and activity. After the dance, I sent for him, and inquired who he + was: ‘A poor priest, at your service, my lord,’ said he: ‘my name is + Poussatin, and Bearn is my native country: I was going into Catalonia to + serve in the infantry, for, God be praised, I can march very well on foot; + but since the war is happily concluded, if your lordship pleases to take + me into your service, I would follow you everywhere, and serve you + faithfully.’ ‘Monsieur Poussatin,’ said I, ‘my lordship has no great + occasion for a chaplain; but since you are so well disposed towards me, I + will take you into my service.’ + </p> + <p> + “The Prince de Conde, who was present at this conversation, was overjoyed + at my having a chaplain. As poor Poussatin was in a very tattered + condition, I had no time to provide him with a proper habit at Perpignan; + but giving him a spare livery of one of the Marshal de Grammont’s + servants, I made him get up behind the prince’s coach, who was like to die + with laughing every time he looked at poor Poussatin’s uncanonical mien in + a yellow livery. + </p> + <p> + “As soon as we arrived in Paris, the story was told to the Queen, who at + first expressed some surprise at it: this, however, did not prevent her + from wishing to see my chaplain dance; for in Spain it is not altogether + so strange to see ecclesiastics dance, as to see them in livery. + </p> + <p> + “Poussatin performed wonders before the Queen; but as he danced with great + sprightliness, she could not bear the odour which his violent motions + diffused around her room the ladies likewise began to pray for relief; for + he had almost entirely got the better of all the perfumes and essences + with which they were fortified: Poussatin, nevertheless, retired with a + great deal of applause, and some louis d’or. + </p> + <p> + “Some time afterwards I procured a small benefice in the country for my + chaplain, and I have since been informed that Poussatin preached with the + same ease in his village as he danced at the wedding of his parishioners.” + </p> + <p> + The King was exceedingly diverted at Poussatin’s history; and the Queen + was not much hurt at his having been put in livery: the treatment of + Gregorio Brice offended her far more; and being desirous to justify the + court of Spain, with respect to so cruel a proceeding: “Chevalier de + Grammont,” said she, “what heresy did Governor Brice wish to introduce + into the state? What crime against religion was he charged with, that he + was confined in the inquisition?” “Madam,” said he, “the history is not + very proper to be related before your majesty: it was a little amorous + frolic, ill-timed indeed; but poor Brice meant no harm: a school-boy would + not have been whipped for such a fault, in the most severe college in + France; as it was only for giving some proofs of his affection to a young + Spanish fair one, who had fixed her eyes upon him on a solemn occasion.” + </p> + <p> + The King desired to know the particulars of the adventure; and the + Chevalier gratified his curiosity, as soon as the Queen and the rest of + the court were out of hearing. It was very entertaining to hear him tell a + story; but it was very disagreeable to differ with him, either in + competition, or in raillery: it is true that at that time there were few + persons at the English court who had merited his indignation: Russell was + sometimes the subject of his ridicule, but he treated him far more + tenderly than he usually did a rival. + </p> + <p> + This Russell was one of the most furious dancers in all England, I mean, + for country dances: he had a collection of two or three hundred in print, + all of which he danced at sight; and to prove that he was not an old man, + he sometimes danced until he was almost exhausted: his mode of dancing was + like that of his clothes, for they both had been out of fashion full + twenty years. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont was very sensible that he was very much in love; + but though he saw very well that it only rendered him more ridiculous, yet + he felt some concern at the information he received, of his intention of + demanding Miss Hamilton in marriage; but his concern did not last long. + Russell, being upon the point of setting out on a journey, thought it was + proper to acquaint his mistress with his intentions before his departure. + The Chevalier de Grammont was a great obstacle to the interview, he was + desirous of obtaining of her; but being one day sent for, to go and play + at Lady Castlemaine’s, Russell seized the opportunity, and addressing + himself to Miss Hamilton, with less embarrassment than is usual on such + occasions, he made his declaration to her in the following manner: “I am + brother to the Earl of Bedford: I command the regiment of guards: I have + three thousand pounds a year, and fifteen thousand in ready money: all + which, madam, I come to present to you, along with my person. One present, + I agree, is not worth much without the other, and therefore I put them + together. I am advised to go to some of the watering places for something + of an asthma, which, in all probability, cannot continue much longer, as I + have had it for these last twenty years: if you look upon me as worthy of + the happiness of belonging to you, I shall propose it to your father, to + whom I did not think it right to apply before I was acquainted with your + sentiments: my nephew William is at present entirely ignorant of my + intention; but I believe he will not be sorry for it, though he will + thereby see himself deprived of a pretty considerable estate; for he has + great affection for me, and besides, he has a pleasure in paying his + respects to you since he has perceived my attachment. I am very much + pleased that he should make his court to me, by the attention he pays to + you; for he did nothing but squander his money upon that coquet Middleton, + while at present he is at no expense, though he frequents the best company + in England.” + </p> + <p> + Miss Hamilton had much difficulty to suppress her laughter during this + harangue: however, she told him that she thought herself much honoured by + his intentions towards her, and still more obliged to him for consulting + her, before he made any overtures to her relations: “It will be time + enough,” said she, “to speak to them upon the subject at your return from + the waters; for I do not think it is at all probable that they will + dispose of me before that time, and in case they should be urgent in their + solicitations, your nephew William will take care to acquaint you; + therefore, you may set out whenever you think proper; but take care not to + injure your health by returning too soon.” + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont, having heard the particulars of this + conversation, endeavoured, as well as he could, to be entertained with it; + though there were certain circumstances in the declaration, + notwithstanding the absurdity of others, which did not fail to give him + some uneasiness. Upon the whole, he was not sorry for Russell’s departure; + and, assuming an air of pleasantry, he went to relate to the king how + Heaven had favoured him by delivering him from so dangerous a rival. “He + is gone then, Chevalier,” said the king. “Certainly, sir,” said he; “I had + the honour to see him embark in a coach, with his asthma, and country + equipage, his perruque a calotte, neatly tied with a yellow riband, and + his old-fashioned hat covered with oil skin, which becomes him uncommonly + well: therefore, I have only to contend with William Russell, whom he + leaves as his resident with Miss Hamilton; and as for him, I neither fear + him upon his own account, nor his uncle’s; he is too much in love himself + to pay attention to the interests of another; and as he has but one method + of promoting his own, which is by sacrificing the portrait, or some + love-letters of Mrs. Middleton, I have it easily in my power to counteract + him in such kind of favours, though I confess I have pretty well paid for + them.” + </p> + <p> + “Since your affairs proceed so prosperously with the Russells,” said the + king, “I will acquaint you that you are delivered from another rival, much + more dangerous, if he were not already married: my brother has lately + fallen in love with Lady Chesterfield.” “How many blessings at once!” + exclaimed the Chevalier de Grammont: “I have so many obligations to him + for this inconstancy, that I would willingly serve him in his new amour, + if Hamilton was not his rival: nor will your majesty take it ill, if I + promote the interests of my mistress’s brother, rather than those of your + majesty’s brother.” “Hamilton, however,” said the king, “does not stand so + much in need of assistance, in affairs of this nature, as the Duke of + York; but I know Lord Chesterfield is of such a disposition, that he will + not suffer men to quarrel about his wife, with the same patience as the + complaisant Shrewsbury; though he well deserves the same fate.” Here + follows a true description of Lord Chesterfield. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Philip, the second Earl of Chesterfield. He was constituted, in 1662, + lord-chamberlain to the queen, and colonel of a regiment of foot, June + 13, 1667. On November 29, 1679, he was appointed lord- warden and + chief-justice of the king’s forests on this side Trent, and sworn of the + privy-council, January 26, 1680. On November 6, 1682, he was made + colonel of the third regiment of foot, which, with the rest of his + preferments, he resigned on the accession of James IT. He lived to the + age of upwards of 80, and died, January 28, 1713, at his house, in + Bloomsbury-square.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + He had a very agreeable face, a fine head of hair, an indifferent shape, + and a worse air; he was not, however, deficient in wit: a long residence + in Italy had made him ceremonious in his commerce with men, and jealous in + his connection with women: he had been much hated by the king; because he + had been much beloved by Lady Castlemaine: it was reported that he had + been in her good graces prior to her marriage; and as neither of them + denied it, it was the more generally believed. + </p> + <p> + He had paid his devoirs to the eldest daughter of the Duke of Ormond, + while his heart was still taken up with his former passion: the king’s + love for Lady Castlemaine, and the advancement he expected from such an + alliance, made him press the match with as much ardour as if he had been + passionately in love: he had therefore married Lady Chesterfield without + loving her, and had lived some time with her in such coolness as to leave + her no room to doubt of his indifference. As she was endowed with great + sensibility and delicacy, she suffered at this contempt: she was at first + much affected with his behaviour, and afterwards enraged at it; and, when + he began to give her proofs of his affection, she had the pleasure of + convincing him of her indifference. + </p> + <p> + They were upon this footing, when she resolved to cure Hamilton, as she + had lately done her husband, of all his remaining tenderness for Lady + Castlemaine. For her it was no difficult undertaking: the conversation of + the one was disagreeable, from the unpolished state of her manners, her + ill-timed pride, her uneven temper, and extravagant humours Lady + Chesterfield, on the contrary, knew how to heighten her charms with all + the bewitching attractions in the power of a woman to invent who wishes to + make a conquest. + </p> + <p> + Besides all this, she had greater opportunities of making advances to him + than to any other: she lived at the Duke of Ormond’s, at Whitehall, where + Hamilton, as was said before, had free admittance at all hours: her + extreme coldness, or rather the disgust which she showed for her husband’s + returning affection, wakened his natural inclination to jealousy: he + suspected that she could not so very suddenly pass from anxiety to + indifference for him, without some secret object of a new attachment; and, + according to the maxim of all jealous husbands, he immediately put in + practice all his experience and industry, in order to make a discovery, + which was to destroy his own happiness. + </p> + <p> + Hamilton, who knew his disposition, was, on the other hand, upon his + guard, and the more he advanced in his intrigue, the more attentive was he + to remove every degree of suspicion from the Earl’s mind: he pretended to + make him his confidant, in the most unguarded and open manner, of his + passion for Lady Castlemaine: he complained of her caprice, and most + earnestly desired his advice how to succeed with a person whose affections + he alone had entirely possessed. + </p> + <p> + Chesterfield, who was flattered with this discourse, promised him his + protection with greater sincerity than it had been demanded: Hamilton, + therefore, was no further embarrassed than to preserve Lady Chesterfield’s + reputation, who, in his opinion, declared herself rather too openly in his + favour: but whilst he was diligently employed in regulating, within the + rules of discretion, the partiality she expressed for him, and in + conjuring her to restrain her glances within bounds, she was receiving + those of the Duke of York; and, what is more, made them favourable + returns. + </p> + <p> + He thought that he had perceived it, as well as every one besides; but he + thought likewise, that all the world was deceived as well as himself: how + could he trust his own eyes, as to what those of Lady Chesterfield + betrayed for this new rival? He could not think it probable, that a woman + of her disposition could relish a man, whose manners had a thousand times + been the subject of their private ridicule; but what he judged still more + improbable was, that she should begin another intrigue before she had + given the finishing stroke to that in which her own advances had engaged + her: however, he began to observe her with more circumspection, when he + found by his discoveries, that if she did not deceive him, at least the + desire of doing so was not wanting. This he took the liberty of telling + her of; but she answered him in so high a strain, and treated what he said + so much like a phantom of his own imagination, that he appeared confused + without being convinced: all the satisfaction he could procure from her, + was her telling him, in a haughty manner, that such unjust reproaches as + his ought to have had a better foundation. + </p> + <p> + Lord Chesterfield had taken the same alarm; and being convinced, from the + observations he had made, that he had found out the happy lover who had + gained possession of his lady’s heart, he was satisfied; and without + teasing her with unnecessary reproaches, he only waited for an opportunity + to confound her, before he took his measures. + </p> + <p> + After all, how can we account for Lady Chesterfield’s conduct, unless we + attribute it to the disease incident to most coquettes, who, charmed with + superiority, put in practice every art to rob another of her conquest, and + spare nothing to preserve it. + </p> + <p> + But before we enter into the particulars of this adventure, let us take a + retrospect of the amours of his Royal Highness, prior to the declaration + of his marriage, and particularly of what immediately preceded this + declaration. It is allowable sometimes to drop the thread of a narrative, + when real facts, not generally known, give such a variety upon the + digression as to render it excusable: let us see then how those things + happened. + </p> + <p> + The Duke of York’s marriage, with the chancellor’s daughter, was deficient + in none of those circumstances which render contracts of this nature valid + in the eye of heaven the mutual inclination, the formal ceremony, + witnesses, and every essential point of matrimony, had been observed. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [The material facts in this narrative are confirmed by Lord Clarendon.—‘Continuation + of his Life’, p. 33. It is difficult to speak of the persons concerned + in this infamous transaction without some degree of asperity, + notwithstanding they are, by a strange perversion of language, styled, + all men of honour.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + Though the bride was no perfect beauty, yet, as there were none at the + court of Holland who eclipsed her, the Duke, during the first endearments + of matrimony, was so far from repenting of it, that he seemed only to wish + for the King’s restoration that he might have an opportunity of declaring + it with splendour; but when he saw himself enjoying a rank which placed + him so near the throne; when the possession of Miss Hyde afforded him no + new charms; when England, so abounding in beauties, displayed all that was + charming and lovely in the court of the King his brother; and when he + considered he was the only prince, who, from such superior elevation, had + descended so low, he began to reflect upon it. On the one hand, his + marriage appeared to him particularly ill suited in every respect: he + recollected that Jermyn had not engaged him in an intimacy with Miss Hyde, + until he had convinced him, by several different circumstances, of the + facility of succeeding: he looked upon his marriage as an infringement of + that duty and obedience he owed to the King; the indignation with which + the court, and even the whole kingdom, would receive the account of his + marriage presented itself to his imagination, together with the + impossibility of obtaining the King’s consent to such an act, which for a + thousand reasons he would be obliged to refuse. On the other hand, the + tears and despair of poor Miss Hyde presented themselves; and still more + than that, he felt a remorse of conscience, the scruples of which began + from that time to rise up against him. + </p> + <p> + In the midst of this perplexity he opened his heart to Lord Falmouth, and + consulted with him what method he ought to pursue: He could not have + applied to a better man for his own interests, nor to a worse for Miss + Hyde’s; for at first, Falmouth maintained not only that he was not + married, but that it was even impossible that he could ever have formed + such a thought; that any marriage was invalid for him, which was made + without the King’s consent, even if the party was a suitable match: but + that it was a mere jest, even to think of the daughter of an insignificant + lawyer, whom the favour of his sovereign had lately made a peer of the + realm, without any noble blood, and chancellor, without any capacity; that + as for his scruples, he had only to give ear to some gentlemen whom he + could introduce, who would thoroughly inform him of Miss Hyde’s conduct + before he became acquainted with her; and provided he did not tell them + that he really was married, he would soon have sufficient grounds to come + to a determination. + </p> + <p> + The Duke of York consented, and Lord Falmouth, having assembled both his + council and his witnesses, conducted them to his Royal Highness’s cabinet, + after having instructed them how to act: these gentlemen were the Earl of + Arran, Jermyn, Talbot, and Killegrew, all men of honour; but who + infinitely preferred the Duke of York’s interest to Miss Hyde’s + reputation, and who, besides, were greatly dissatisfied, as well as the + whole court, at the insolent authority of the prime minister. + </p> + <p> + The Duke having told them, after a sort of preamble, that although they + could not be ignorant of his affection for Miss Hyde, yet they might be + unacquainted with the engagements his tenderness for her had induced him + to contract; that he thought himself obliged to perform all the promises + he had made her; but as the innocence of persons of her age was generally + exposed to court scandal, and as certain reports, whether false or true, + had been spread abroad on the subject of her conduct, he conjured them as + his friends, and charged them upon their duty, to tell him sincerely + everything they knew upon the subject, since he was resolved to make their + evidence the rule of his conduct towards her. They all appeared rather + reserved at first, and seemed not to dare to give their opinions upon an + affair of so serious and delicate a nature; but the Duke of York having + renewed his entreaties, each began to relate the particulars of what he + knew, and perhaps of more than he knew, of poor Miss Hyde; nor did they + omit any circumstance necessary to strengthen the evidence. For instance + the Earl of Arran, who spoke first, deposed, that in the gallery at + Honslaerdyk, where the Countess of Ossory, his sister-in-law, and Jermyn, + were playing at nine-pins, Miss Hyde, pretending to be sick, retired to a + chamber at the end of the gallery; that he, the deponent, had followed + her, and having cut her lace, to give a greater probability to the + pretence of the vapours, he had acquitted himself to the best of his + abilities, both to assist and to console her. + </p> + <p> + Talbot said, that she had made an appointment with him in the chancellor’s + cabinet, while he was in council; and, that, not paying so much attention + to what was upon the table as to what they were engaged in, they had + spilled a bottle full of ink upon a despatch of four pages, and that the + King’s monkey, which was blamed for this accident, had been a long time in + disgrace. + </p> + <p> + Jermyn mentioned many places where he had received long and favourable + audiences: however, all these articles of accusation amounted only to some + delicate familiarities, or at most, to what is generally denominated the + innocent part of an intrigue; but Killegrew, who wished to surpass these + trivial depositions, boldly declared that he had had the honour of being + upon the most intimate terms with her he was of a sprightly and witty + humour, and had the art of telling a story in the most entertaining + manner, by the graceful and natural turn he could give it: he affirmed + that he had found the critical minute in a certain closet built over the + water, for a purpose very different from that of giving ease to the pains + of love: that three or four swans had been witnesses to his happiness, and + might perhaps have been witnesses to the happiness of many others, as the + lady frequently repaired to that place, and was particularly delighted + with it. + </p> + <p> + The Duke of York found this last accusation greatly out of bounds, being + convinced he himself had sufficient proofs of the contrary: he therefore + returned thanks to these officious informers for their frankness, ordered + them to be silent for the future upon what they had been telling him, and + immediately passed into the King’s apartment. + </p> + <p> + As soon as he had entered the cabinet, Lord Falmouth, who had followed + him, related what had passed to the Earl of Ossory, whom he met in the + presence chamber: they strongly suspected what was the subject of the + conversation of the two brothers, as it was long; and the Duke of York + appeared to be in such agitation when he came out, that they no longer + doubted that the result had been unfavourable for poor Miss Hyde. Lord + Falmouth began to be affected for her disgrace, and to relent that he had + been concerned in it, when the Duke of York told him and the Earl of + Ossory to meet him in about an hour’s time at the chancellor’s. + </p> + <p> + They were rather surprised that he should have the cruelty himself to + announce such a melancholy piece of news: they found his Royal Highness at + the appointed hour in Miss Hyde’s chamber: a few tears trickled down her + cheeks, which she endeavoured to restrain. The chancellor, leaning against + the wall, appeared to them to be puffed up with some thing, which they did + not doubt was—rage and despair. The Duke of York said to them, with + that serene and pleasant countenance with which men generally announce + good news: “As you are the two men of the court whom I most esteem, I am + desirous you should first have the honour of paying your compliments to + the Duchess of York: there she is.” + </p> + <p> + Surprise was of no use, and astonishment was unseasonable on the present + occasion: they were, however, so greatly possessed with both surprise and + astonishment, that in order to conceal it, they immediately fell on their + knees to kiss her hand, which she gave to them with as much majesty as if + she had been used to it all her life. + </p> + <p> + The next day the news was made public, and the whole court was eager to + pay her that respect, from a sense of duty, which in the end became very + sincere. + </p> + <p> + The petits-maitres who had spoken against her, seeing their intentions + disappointed, were not a little embarrassed. Women are seldom accustomed + to forgive injuries of this nature; and, if they promise themselves the + pleasure of revenge, when they gain the power they seldom forget it: in + the present case, however, the fears of these petits-maitres were their + only punishment. + </p> + <p> + The Duchess of York, being fully informed of all that was said in the + cabinet concerning her, instead of showing the least resentment, studied + to distinguish, by all manner of kindness and good offices, those who had + attacked her in so sensible a part; nor did she ever mention it to them, + but in order to praise their zeal, and to tell them that nothing was a + greater proof of the attachment of a man of honour, than his being more + solicitous for the interest of his friend or master, than for his own + reputation: a remarkable example of prudence and moderation, not only for + the fair sex, but even for those who value themselves most upon their + philosophy among the men. + </p> + <p> + The Duke of York, having quieted his conscience by the declaration of his + marriage, thought that he was entitled, by this generous effort, to give + way a little to his inconstancy: he therefore immediately seized upon + whatever he could first lay his hands upon: this was Lady Carnegy, who had + been in several other hands. She was still tolerably handsome, and her + disposition, naturally inclined to tenderness, did not oblige her new + lover long to languish. Everything coincided with their wishes for some + time: Lord Carnegy, her husband, was in Scotland; but his father dying + suddenly, he as suddenly returned with the title of Southesk, which his + wife detested; but which she took more patiently than she received the + news of his return. Some private intimation had been given him of the + honour that was done him in his absence: nevertheless, he did not show his + jealousy at first; but, as he was desirous to be satisfied of the reality + of the fact, he kept a strict watch over his wife’s actions. The Duke of + York and her ladyship had, for some time, been upon such terms of + intimacy, as not to pass their time in frivolous amusements; however, the + husband’s return obliged them to maintain some decorum: he therefore never + went to her house, but in form, that is to say, always accompanied by some + friend or other, to give his amours at least the appearance of a visit. + </p> + <p> + About this time Talbot returned from Portugal: this connection had taken + place during his absence; and without knowing who Lady Southesk was, he + had been informed that his master was in love with her. + </p> + <p> + A few days after his arrival, he was carried, merely to keep up + appearances, to her house by the duke; and after being introduced, and + some compliments having been paid on both sides, he thought it his duty to + give his Royal Highness an opportunity to pay his compliments, and + accordingly retired into the ante-chamber, which looked into the street, + and placed himself at the window to view the people as they passed. + </p> + <p> + He was one of the best meaning men in the world on such occasions; but was + so subject to forgetfulness, and absence of mind, that he once forgot, and + left behind him at London, a complimentary letter which the duke had given + him for the Infanta of Portugal, and never recollected it till he was + going to his audience. + </p> + <p> + He stood sentry, as we have before said, very attentive to his + instructions, when he saw a coach stop at the door, without being in the + least concerned at it, and still less, at a man whom he saw get out of it, + and whom he immediately heard coming upstairs. + </p> + <p> + The devil, who ought to be civil upon such occasions, forgot himself in + the present instance, and brought up Lord Southesk ‘in propria persona’: + his Royal Highness’s equipage had been sent home, because my lady had + assured him that her husband was gone to see a bear and a bull baiting, an + entertainment in which he took great delight, and from whence he seldom + returned until it was very late; so that Southesk, not seeing any equipage + at the door, little imagined that he had such good company in his house; + but if he was surprised to see Talbot carelessly lolling in his wife’s + ante-chamber, his surprise was soon over. Talbot, who had not seen him + since they were in Flanders, and never supposing that he had changed his + name: “Welcome, Carnegy, welcome, my good fellow,” said he, giving him his + hand, “where the devil have you been, that I have never been able to set + eyes on you since we were at Brussels? What business brought you here? Do + you likewise wish to see Lady Southesk? If this is your intention, my poor + friend, you may go away again; for I must inform you, the Duke of York is + in love with her, and I will tell you in confidence, that, at this very + time, he is in her chamber.” + </p> + <p> + Southesk, confounded as one may suppose, had no time to answer all these + fine questions: Talbot, therefore, attended him downstairs as his friend; + and, as his humble servant, advised him to seek for a mistress elsewhere. + Southesk, not knowing what else to do at that time, returned to his coach; + and Talbot, overjoyed at the adventure, impatiently waited for the duke’s + return, that he might acquaint him with it; but he was very much surprised + to find that the story afforded no pleasure to those who had the principal + share in it; and his greatest concern was, that Carnegy had changed his + name, as if only to draw him into such a confidence. + </p> + <p> + This accident broke off a commerce which the Duke of York did not much + regret; and indeed it was happy for him that he became indifferent; for + the traitor Southesk meditated a revenge, whereby, without using either + assassination or poison, he would have obtained some satisfaction upon + those who had injured him, if the connection had continued any longer. + </p> + <p> + He went to the most infamous places, to seek for the most infamous + disease, which he met with; but his revenge was only half completed; for + after he had gone through every remedy to get quit of his disease, his + lady did but return him his present, having no more connection with the + person for whom it was so industriously prepared. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Bishop Burnet, taking notice of the Duke of York’s amours, says, “a + story was set about, and generally believed, that the Earl of Southesk, + that had married a daughter of the Duke of Hamilton’s, suspecting some + familiarities between the duke and his wife, had taken a sure method to + procure a disease to himself, which he communicated to his wife, and + was, by that means, sent round till it came to the duchess. Lord + Southesk was, for some years, not ill pleased to have this believed. It + looked like a peculiar strain of revenge, with which he seemed much + delighted. But I know he has, to some of his friends, denied the whole + of the story very solemnly.” —history of His Own Times, vol. i., + p. 319. It is worthy of notice that the passage in the text was omitted + in most editions of Grammont, and retained in that of Strawberry-hill, + in 1772.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + Lady Robarts was then in the zenith of her glory; her beauty was striking; + yet, notwithstanding the brightness of the finest complexion, with all the + bloom of youth, and with every requisite for inspiring desire, she + nevertheless was not attractive. The Duke of York, however, would probably + have been successful, if difficulties, almost insurmountable, had not + disappointed his good intentions: Lord Robarts, her husband, was an old, + snarling, troublesome, peevish fellow, in love with her to distraction, + and to complete her misery, a perpetual attendant on her person. + </p> + <p> + She perceived his Royal Highness’s attachment to her, and seemed as if she + was inclined to be grateful: this redoubled his eagerness, and every + outward mark of tenderness he could possibly show her; but the watchful + husband redoubling his zeal and assiduity, as he found the approaches + advance, every art was practised to render him tractable: several attacks + were made upon his avarice and his ambition. Those who possessed the + greatest share of his confidence, insinuated to him that it was his own + fault if Lady Robarts, who was so worthy of being at court, was not + received into some considerable post, either about the queen or the + duchess: he was offered to be made Lord Lieutenant of the county where his + estate was; or to have the management of the Duke of York’s revenues in + Ireland, of which he should have the entire disposal, provided he + immediately set out to take possession of his charge; and having + accomplished it, he might return as soon as ever he thought proper. + </p> + <p> + He perfectly well understood the meaning of these proposals, and was fully + apprised of the advantages he might reap from them: in vain did ambition + and avarice hold out their allurements; he was deaf to all their + temptations, nor could ever the old fellow be persuaded to be made a + cuckold. It is not always an aversion to, or a dread of this distinction, + which preserves us from it: of this her husband was very sensible; + therefore, under the pretence of a pilgrimage to Saint Winifred, the + virgin and martyr, who was said to cure women of barrenness, he did not + rest, until the highest mountains in Wales were between his wife and the + person who had designed to perform this miracle in London, after his + departure. + </p> + <p> + The duke was for some time entirely taken up with the pleasures of the + chase, and only now and then engaged in those of love; but his taste + having undergone a change in this particular, and the remembrance of Lady + Robarts wearing off by degrees, his eyes and wishes were turned towards + Miss Brook; and it was in the height of this pursuit that Lady + Chesterfield threw herself into his arms, as we shall see by resuming the + sequel of her adventures. + </p> + <p> + The Earl of Bristol, ever restless and ambitious, had put in practice + every art, to possess himself of the king’s favour. As this is the same + Digby whom Count Bussy mentions in his annals, it will be sufficient to + say that he was not at all changed: he knew that love and pleasure had + possession of a master, whom he himself governed, in defiance of the + chancellor; thus he was continually giving entertainments at his house; + and luxury and elegance seemed to rival each other in those nocturnal + feasts, which always lead to other enjoyments. The two Miss Brooks, his + relations, were always of those parties; they were both formed by nature + to excite love in others, as well as to be susceptible of it themselves; + they were just what the king wanted: the earl, from this commencement, was + beginning to entertain a good opinion of his project, when Lady + Castlemaine, who had lately gained entire possession of the king’s heart, + was not in a humour, at that time, to share it with another, as she did + very indiscreetly afterwards, despising Miss Stewart. As soon, therefore, + as she received intimation of these secret practices, under pretence of + attending the king in his parties, she entirely disconcerted them; so that + the earl was obliged to lay aside his projects, and Miss Brook to + discontinue her advances. The king did not even dare to think any more on + this subject; but his brother was pleased to look after what he neglected; + and Miss Brook accepted the offer of his heart, until it pleased heaven to + dispose of her otherwise, which happened soon after in the following + manner. + </p> + <p> + Sir John Denham, loaded with wealth as well as years, had passed his youth + in the midst of those pleasures which people at that age indulge in + without restraint; he was one of the brightest geniuses England ever + produced, for wit and humour, and for brilliancy of composition: satirical + and free in his poems, he spared neither frigid writers, nor jealous + husbands, nor even their wives: every part abounded with the most poignant + wit, and the most entertaining stories; but his most delicate and spirited + raillery turned generally against matrimony; and, as if he wished to + confirm, by his own example, the truth of what he had written in his + youth, he married, at the age of seventy-nine, this Miss Brook of whom we + are speaking, who was only eighteen. + </p> + <p> + The Duke of York had rather neglected her for some time before; but the + circumstance of so unequal a match rekindled his ardour; and she, on her + part, suffered him to entertain hopes of an approaching bliss, which a + thousand considerations had opposed before her marriage: she wished to + belong to the court; and for the promise of being made lady of the + bedchamber to the duchess, she was upon the point of making him another + promise, or of immediately performing it, if required, when, in the middle + of this treaty, Lady Chesterfield was tempted, by her evil genius, to rob + her of her conquest, in order to disturb all the world. + </p> + <p> + However, as Lady Chesterfield could not see the Duke of York, except in + public assemblies, she was under the necessity of making the most + extravagant advances, in order to seduce him from his former connection; + and as he was the most unguarded ogler of his time, the whole court was + informed of the intrigue before it was well begun. + </p> + <p> + Those who appeared the most attentive to their conduct were not the least + interested in it. Hamilton and Lord Chesterfield watched them narrowly; + but Lady Denham, vexed that Lady Chesterfield should have stepped in + before her, took the liberty of railing against her rival with the + greatest bitterness. Hamilton had hitherto flattered himself that vanity + alone had engaged Lady Chesterfield in this adventure; but he was soon + undeceived, whatever her indifference might have been when she first + commenced this intrigue. We often proceed farther than we at first + intended, when we indulge ourselves in trifling liberties which we think + of no consequence; for though perhaps the heart takes no part at the + beginning, it seldom fails to be engaged in the end. + </p> + <p> + The court, as we have mentioned before, was an entire scene of gallantry + and amusements, with all the politeness and magnificence which the + inclinations of a prince naturally addicted to tenderness and pleasure, + could suggest: the beauties were desirous of charming, and the men + endeavoured to please: all studied to set themselves off to the best + advantage: some distinguished themselves by dancing; others by show and + magnificence; some by their wit, many by their amours, but few by their + constancy. There was a certain Italian at court, famous for the guitar: he + had a genius for music, and he was the only man who could make anything of + the guitar: his style of play was so full of grace and tenderness, that he + would have given harmony to the most discordant instruments. The truth is, + nothing was so difficult as to play like this foreigner. The king’s relish + for his compositions had brought the instrument so much into vogue, that + every person played upon it, well or ill; and you were as sure to see a + guitar on a lady’s toilet as rouge or patches. The Duke of York played + upon it tolerably well, and the Earl of Arran like Francisco himself. This + Francisco had composed a saraband, which either charmed or infatuated + every person; for the whole guitarery at court were trying at it; and God + knows what an universal strumming there was. The Duke of York, pretending + not to be perfect in it, desired Lord Arran to play it to him. Lady + Chesterfield had the best guitar in England. The Earl of Arran, who was + desirous of playing his best, conducted his Royal Highness to his sister’s + apartments: she was lodged at court, at her father’s, the Duke of + Ormond’s; and this wonderful guitar was lodged there too. Whether this + visit had been preconcerted or not, I do not pretend to say; but it is + certain that they found both the lady and the guitar at home: they + likewise found there Lord Chesterfield, so much surprised at this + unexpected visit, that it was a considerable time before he thought of + rising from his seat to receive them with due respect. + </p> + <p> + Jealousy, like a malignant vapour, now seized upon his brain: a thousand + suspicions, blacker than ink, took possession of his imagination, and were + continually increasing; for, whilst the brother played upon the guitar to + the duke, the sister ogled and accompanied him with her eyes, as if the + coast had been clear, and no enemy to observe them. This saraband was at + least repeated twenty times: the duke declared it was played to + perfection: Lady Chesterfield found fault with the composition; but her + husband, who clearly perceived that he was the person played upon, thought + it a most detestable piece. However, though he was in the last agony at + being obliged to curb his passion while others gave a free scope to + theirs, he was resolved to find out the drift of the visit; but it was not + in his power: for, having the honour to be chamberlain to the queen, a + messenger came to require his immediate attendance on her majesty. His + first thought was to pretend sickness: the second to suspect that the + queen, who sent for him at such an unseasonable time, was in the plot; but + at last, after all the extravagant ideas of a suspicious man, and all the + irresolutions of a jealous husband, he was obliged to go. + </p> + <p> + We may easily imagine what his state of mind was when he arrived at the + palace. Alarms are to the jealous what disasters are to the unfortunate: + they seldom come alone, but form a series of persecution. He was informed + that he was sent for to attend the queen at an audience she gave to seven + or eight Muscovite ambassadors: he had scarce begun to curse the + Muscovites, when his brother-in-law appeared, and drew upon himself all + the imprecations he bestowed upon the embassy: he no longer doubted his + being in the plot with the two persons he had left together, and in his + heart sincerely wished him such recompense for his good offices as such + good offices deserved. It was with great difficulty that he restrained + himself from immediately acquainting him what was his opinion of such + conduct: he thought that what he had already seen was a sufficient proof + of his wife’s infidelity; but before the end of the very same day, some + circumstances occurred which increased his suspicions, and persuaded him + that they had taken advantage of his absence, and of the honourable + officiousness of his brother-in-law. He passed, however, that night with + tranquillity; but the next morning, being reduced to the necessity either + of bursting or giving vent to his sorrows and conjectures, he did nothing + but think and walk about the room until Park-time. He went to court, + seemed very busy, as if seeking for some person or other, imagining that + people guessed at the subject of his uneasiness: he avoided everybody, but + at length meeting with Hamilton, he thought he was the very man that he + wanted; and, having desired him to take an airing with him in Hyde Park, + he took him up in his coach, and they arrived at the Ring, without a word + having passed between them. + </p> + <p> + Hamilton, who saw him as yellow as jealousy itself, and particularly + thoughtful, imagined that he had just discovered what all the world had + perceived long before; when Chesterfield, after a broken, insignificant + preamble, asked him how he succeeded with Lady Castlemaine. Hamilton, who + very well saw that he meant nothing by this question, nevertheless thanked + him; and as he was thinking of an answer: “Your cousin,” said the earl, + “is extremely coquettish, and I have some reason to suppose she is not so + prudent as she ought to be.” Hamilton thought the last charge a little too + severe; and as he was endeavouring to refute it: “Good God!” said my lord, + “you see, as well as the whole court, what airs she gives herself: + husbands are always the last people that are spoken to about those affairs + that concern them the most; but they are not always the last to perceive + it themselves: though you have made me your confidant in other matters, + yet I am not at all surprised you have concealed this from me; but as I + flatter myself with having some share in your esteem, I should be sorry + you should think me such a fool as to be incapable of seeing, though I am + so complaisant as not to express my sentiments: nevertheless, I find that + affairs are now carried on with such barefaced boldness, that at length I + find I shall be forced to take some course or other. God forbid that I + should act the ridiculous part of a jealous husband: the character is + odious; but then I do not intend, through an excess of patience, to be + made the jest of the town. Judge, therefore, from what I am going to tell + you, whether I ought to sit down unconcerned, or whether I ought to take + measures for the preservation of my honour. + </p> + <p> + “His royal highness honoured me yesterday by a visit to my wife.” Hamilton + started at this beginning. “Yes,” continued the other, “he did give + himself that trouble, and Lord Arran took upon himself that of bringing + him: do not you wonder, that a man of his birth should act such a part? + What advancement can he expect from one who employs him in such base + services? But we have long known him to be one of the silliest creatures + in England, with his guitar, and his other whims and follies.” + Chesterfield, after this short sketch of his brother-in-law’s merit, began + to relate the observations he had made during the visit, and asked + Hamilton what he thought of his cousin Arran, who had so obligingly left + them together. “This may appear surprising to you,” continued he, “but + hear me out, and judge whether I have reason to think that the close of + this pretty visit passed in perfect innocence. Lady Chesterfield is + amiable, it must be acknowledged; but she is far from being such a miracle + of beauty as she supposes herself: you know she has ugly feet; but perhaps + you are not acquainted that she has still worse legs.” “Pardon me,” said + Hamilton, within himself: and the other continuing the description: “Her + legs,” said his lordship, “are short and thick; and, to remedy these + defects as much as possible, she seldom wears any other than green + stockings.” + </p> + <p> + Hamilton could not for his life imagine the drift of all this discourse, + and Chesterfield, guessing his thoughts: “Have a little patience,” said + he: “I went yesterday to Miss Stewart’s, after the audience of those + damned Muscovites: the king arrived there just before me; and as if the + duke had sworn to pursue me wherever I went that day, he came in just + after me. The conversation turned upon the extraordinary appearance of the + ambassadors. I know not where that fool Crofts had heard that all these + Muscovites had handsome wives; and that all their wives had handsome legs. + Upon this the king maintained that no woman ever had such handsome legs as + Miss Stewart; and she, to prove the truth of his majesty’s assertion, with + the greatest imaginable ease, immediately shewed her leg above the knee. + Some were ready to prostrate themselves, in order to adore its beauty; for + indeed none can be handsomer; but the duke alone began to criticise upon + it. He contended that it was too slender, and that as for himself he would + give nothing for a leg that was not thicker and shorter, and concluded by + saying that no leg was worth anything without green stockings. Now this, + in my opinion, was a sufficient demonstration that he had just seen green + stockings, and had them fresh in his remembrance.” + </p> + <p> + Hamilton was at a loss what countenance to put on during a narrative which + raised in him nearly the same conjectures; he shrugged up his shoulders, + and faintly said that appearances were often deceitful; that Lady + Chesterfield had the foible of all beauties, who place their merit on the + number of their admirers; and whatever airs she might imprudently have + given herself, in order not to discourage his royal highness, there was no + ground to suppose that she would indulge him in any greater liberties to + engage him: but in vain was it that he endeavoured to give that + consolation to his friend which he did not feel himself. Chesterfield + plainly perceived he did not think of what he was saying; however, he + thought himself much obliged to him for the interest he seemed to take in + his concerns. + </p> + <p> + Hamilton was in haste to go home to vent his spleen and resentment in a + letter to his cousin. The style of this billet was very different from + those which he formerly was accustomed to write to her: reproaches, bitter + expostulations, tenderness, menaces, and all the effusions of a lover who + thinks he has reason to complain, composed this epistle; which, for fear + of accidents, he went to deliver himself. + </p> + <p> + Never did she before appear so lovely, and never did her eyes speak so + kindly to him as at this moment: his heart quite relented; but he was + determined not to lose all the fine things he had said in his letter. In + receiving it, she squeezed his hand: this action completely disarmed him, + and he would have given his life to have had his letter again. It appeared + to him at this instant that all the grievances he complained of were + visionary and groundless: he looked upon her husband as a madman and an + impostor, and quite the reverse of what he supposed him to be a few + minutes before; but this remorse came a little too late: he had delivered + his billet, and Lady Chesterfield had shewn such impatience and eagerness + to read it as soon as she had got it that all circumstances seemed to + conspire to justify her, and to confound him. She managed to get quit, + some way or other, of some troublesome visitors, to slip into her closet. + He thought himself so culpable that he had not the assurance to wait her + return: he withdrew with the rest of the company; but he did not dare to + appear before her the next day, to have an answer to his letter: however, + he met her at court; and this was the first time, since the commencement + of their amour, that he did not seek for her. He stood at a distance, with + downcast looks, and appeared in such terrible embarrassment that his + condition was sufficient to raise laughter or to cause pity, when Lady + Chesterfield approaching, thus accosted him: “Confess,” said she, “that + you are in as foolish a situation as any man of sense can be: you wish you + had not written to me: you are desirous of an answer: you hope for none: + yet you equally wish for and dread it: I have, however, written you one.” + She had not time to say more; but the few words she had spoken were + accompanied with such an air, and such a look, as to make him believe that + it was Venus with all her graces who had addressed him. He was near her + when she sat down to cards, and as he was puzzling himself to devise by + what means he should get this answer, she desired him to lay her gloves + and fan down somewhere: he took them, and with them the billet in + question; and as he had perceived nothing severe or angry in the + conversation he had with her, he hastened to open her letter, and read as + follows: + </p> + <p> + “Your transports are so ridiculous that it is doing you a favour to + attribute them to an excess of tenderness, which turns your head: a man, + without doubt, must have a great inclination to be jealous, to entertain + such an idea of the person you mention. Good God! what a lover to have + caused uneasiness to a man of genius, and what a genius to have got the + better of mine! Are not you ashamed to give any credit to the visions of a + jealous fellow who brought nothing else with him from Italy? Is it + possible that the story of the green stockings, upon which he has founded + his suspicions, should have imposed upon you, accompanied as it is with + such pitiful circumstances? Since he has made you his confidant, why did + not he boast of breaking in pieces my poor harmless guitar? This exploit, + perhaps, might have convinced you more than all the rest: recollect + yourself, and if you are really in love with me, thank fortune for a + groundless jealousy, which diverts to another quarter the attention he + might pay to my attachment for the most amiable and the most dangerous man + of the court.” + </p> + <p> + Hamilton was ready to weep for joy at these endearing marks of kindness, + of which he thought himself so unworthy he was not satisfied with kissing, + in raptures, every part of this billet; he also kissed several times her + gloves and her fan. Play being over, Lady Chesterfield received them from + his hands, and read in his eyes the joy that her billet had raised in his + heart. Nor was he satisfied with expressing his raptures, only by looks: + he hastened home, and wrote to her at least four times as much. How + different was this letter from the other! Though perhaps not so well + written; for one does not show so much wit in suing for pardon, as in + venting reproaches, and it seldom happens that the soft languishing style + of a love-letter is so penetrating as that of invective. + </p> + <p> + Be that as it may, his peace was made: their past quarrel gave new life to + their correspondence; and Lady Chesterfield, to make him as easy as he had + before been distrustful expressed on every occasion a feigned contempt for + his rival, and a sincere aversion for her husband. + </p> + <p> + So great was his confidence in her, that he consented she should show in + public some marks of attention to the duke, in order to conceal as much as + possible their private intelligence. Thus, at this time nothing disturbed + his peace of mind, but his impatience of finding a favourable opportunity + for the completion of his desires: he thought it was in her power to + command it; but she excused herself on account of several difficulties + which she enumerated to him, and which she was desirous he should remove + by his industry and attentions. + </p> + <p> + This silenced his complaints; but whilst he was endeavouring to surmount + these obstacles, still wondering how it was possible that two persons who + were so well disposed to each other, and who were agreed to make each + other happy, could not put their designs in execution, accident discovered + an unexpected adventure, which left him no room to doubt, either of the + happiness of his rival, or of the perfidy of his mistress. + </p> + <p> + Misfortunes often fall light when most feared; and frequently prove + heaviest when merited, and when least suspected. Hamilton was in the + middle of the most tender and passionate letter he had ever written to + Lady Chesterfield, when her husband came to announce to him the + particulars of this last discovery: he came so suddenly upon him, that he + had only just time to conceal his amorous epistle among his other papers. + His heart and mind were still so full of what he was writing to his + cousin, that her husband’s complaints against her, at first, were scarce + attended to; besides, in his opinion, he had come in the most unfortunate + moment on all accounts. + </p> + <p> + He was, however, obliged to listen to him, and he soon entertained quite + different sentiments: he appeared almost petrified with astonishment, + while the earl was relating to him circumstances of such an extravagant + indiscretion, as seemed to him quite incredible, notwithstanding the + particulars of the fact. “You have reason to be surprised at it,” said my + lord, concluding his story; “but if you doubt the truth of what I tell + you, it will be easy for you to find evidence that will convince you; for + the scene of their tender familiarities was no less public than the room + where the queen plays at cards, which while her majesty was at play, was, + God knows, pretty well crowded. Lady Denham was the first who discovered + what they thought would pass unperceived in the crowd; and you may very + well judge hew secret she would keep such a circumstance. The truth is, + she addressed herself to me first of all, as I entered the room, to tell + me that I should give my wife a little advice, as other people might take + notice of what I might see myself, if I pleased. + </p> + <p> + “Your cousin was at play, as I before told you: the duke was sitting next + to her: I know not what was become of his hand; but I am sure that no one + could see his arm below the elbow: I was standing behind them, just in the + place that Lady Denham had quitted: the duke turning round perceived me, + and was so much disturbed at my presence, that he almost undressed my lady + in pulling away his hand. I know not whether they perceived that they were + discovered; but of this I am convinced, that Lady Denham will take care + that everybody shall know it. I must confess to you, that my embarrassment + is so great, that I cannot find words to express what I now feel: I should + not hesitate one moment what course to take, if I might be allowed to show + my resentment against the person who has wronged me. As for her, I could + manage her well enough, if, unworthy as she is of any consideration, I had + not still some regard for an illustrious family, that would be distracted + were I to resent such an injury as it deserves. In this particular you are + interested yourself: you are my friend, and I make you my confidant in an + affair of the greatest imaginable delicacy: let us then consult together + what is proper to be done in so perplexing and disagreeable a situation.” + </p> + <p> + Hamilton, if possible, more astonished, and more confounded than himself, + was far from being in a proper state to afford him advice on the present + occasion: he listened to nothing but jealousy, and breathed nothing but + revenge; but these emotions being somewhat abated, in hopes that there + might be calumny, or at least exaggeration in the charges against Lady + Chesterfield, he desired her husband to suspend his resolutions, until he + was more fully informed of the fact; assuring him, however, that if he + found the circumstances such as he had related, he should regard and + consult no other interest than his. + </p> + <p> + Upon this they parted; and Hamilton found, on the first inquiry, that + almost the whole court was informed of the adventure, to which every one + added something in relating it. Vexation and resentment, inflamed his + heart, and by degrees extinguished every remnant of his former passion. + </p> + <p> + He might easily have seen her, and have made her such reproaches as a man + is generally inclined to do, on such occasions; but he was too much + enraged to enter into any detail which might have led to an explanation: + he considered himself as the only person essentially injured in this + affair; for he could never bring his mind to think that the injuries of + the husband could be placed in competition with those of the lover. + </p> + <p> + He hastened to Lord Chesterfield, in the transport of his passion, and + told him that he had heard enough to induce him to give such advice, as he + should follow himself in the same situation, and that if he wished to save + a woman so strongly prepossessed, and who perhaps had not yet lost all her + innocence, though she had totally lost her reason, he ought not to delay + one single instant, but immediately to carry her into the country with the + greatest possible expedition, without allowing her the least time to + recover her surprise. + </p> + <p> + Lord Chesterfield readily agreed to follow this advice, which he had + already considered as the only counsel a friend could give him; but his + lady who did not suspect he had made this last discovery of her conduct, + thought he was joking with her, when he told her to prepare for going into + the country in two days: she was the more induced to think so as it was in + the very middle of an extremely severe winter; but she soon perceived that + he was in earnest: she knew from the air and manner of her husband that he + thought he had sufficient reason to treat her in this imperious style; and + finding all her relations serious and cold to her complaint, she had no + hope left in this universally abandoned situation but in the tenderness of + Hamilton. She imagined she should hear from him the cause of her + misfortunes, of which she was still totally ignorant, and that his love + would invent some means or other to prevent a journey, which she flattered + herself would be even more affecting to him than to herself; but she was + expecting pity from a crocodile. + </p> + <p> + At last, when she saw the eve of her departure was come, that every + preparation was made for a long journey; that she was receiving farewell + visits in form, and that still she heard nothing from Hamilton, both her + hopes and her patience forsook her in this wretched situation. A few tears + perhaps might have afforded her some relief, but she chose rather to deny + herself that comfort, than to give her husband so much satisfaction. + Hamilton’s conduct on this occasion appeared to her unaccountable; and as + he still never came near her, she found means to convey to him the + following billet. + </p> + <p> + “Is it possible that you should be one of those, who, without vouchsafing + to tell me for what crime I am treated like a slave, suffer me to be + dragged from society? What means your silence and indolence in a juncture + wherein your tenderness ought most particularly to appear, and actively + exert itself? I am upon the point of departing, and am ashamed to think + that you are the cause of my looking upon it with horror, as I have reason + to believe that you are less concerned at it than any other person: do, at + least, let me know to what place I am to be dragged; what is to be done + with me within a wilderness? and on what account you, like all the rest of + the world, appear changed in your behaviour towards a person whom all the + world could not oblige to change with regard to you, if your weakness or + your ingratitude did not render you unworthy of her tenderness.” + </p> + <p> + This billet did but harden his heart, and make him more proud of his + vengeance: he swallowed down full draughts of pleasure in beholding her + reduced to despair, being persuaded that her grief and regret for her + departure were on account of another person: he felt uncommon satisfaction + in having a share in tormenting her, and was particularly pleased with the + scheme he had contrived to separate her from a rival, upon the very point + perhaps of being made happy. Thus fortified as he was against his natural + tenderness, with all the severity of jealous resentment, he saw her depart + with an indifference which he did not even endeavour to conceal from her: + this unexpected treatment, joined to the complication of her other + misfortunes, had almost in reality plunged her into despair. + </p> + <p> + The court was filled with the story of this adventure; nobody was ignorant + of the occasion of this sudden departure, but very few approved of Lord + Chesterfield’s conduct. In England they looked with astonishment upon a + man who could be so uncivil as to be jealous of his wife; and in the city + of London it was a prodigy, till that time unknown, to see a husband have + recourse to violent means, to prevent what jealousy fears, and what it + always deserves. They endeavoured, however, to excuse poor Lord + Chesterfield, as far as they could safely do it, without incurring the + public odium, by laying all the blame on his bad education. This made all + the mothers vow to God that none of their sons should ever set a foot in + Italy, lest they should bring back with them that infamous custom of + laying restraint upon their wives. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0009" id="link2HCH0009"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER NINTH. VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT + </h2> + <p> + Every man who believes that his honour depends upon that of his wife is a + fool who torments himself, and drives her to despair; but he who, being + naturally jealous, has the additional misfortune of loving his wife, and + who expects that she should only live for him; is a perfect madman, whom + the torments of hell have actually taken hold of in this world, and whom + nobody pities. All reasoning and observation on these unfortunate + circumstances attending wedlock concur in this, that precaution is vain + and useless before the evil, and revenge odious afterwards. + </p> + <p> + The Spaniards, who tyrannise over their wives, more by custom than from + jealousy, content themselves with preserving the niceness of their honour + by duennas, grates, and locks. + </p> + <p> + The Italians, who are wary in their suspicions, and vindictive in their + resentments, pursue a different line of conduct: some satisfy themselves + with keeping their wives under locks which they think secure: others by + ingenious precautions exceed whatever the Spaniards can invent for + confining the fair sex but the generality are of opinion, that in either + unavoidable danger or in manifest transgression, the surest way is to + assassinate. + </p> + <p> + But, ye courteous and indulgent nations, who, far from admitting these + savage and barbarous customs, give full liberty to your dear ribs, and + commit the care of their virtue to their own discretion, you pass without + alarms or strife your peaceful days, in all the enjoyments of domestic + indolence! + </p> + <p> + It was certainly some evil genius that induced Lord Chesterfield to + distinguish himself from his patient and good-natured countrymen, and + ridiculously to afford the world an opportunity of examining into the + particulars of an adventure which would perhaps never have been known + without the verge of the court, and which would everywhere have been + forgotten in less than a month; but now, as soon as ever he had turned his + back, in order to march away with his prisoner, and the ornaments she was + supposed to have bestowed upon him, God only knows what a terrible attack + there was made upon his rear: Rochester, Middlesex, Sedley, Etheredge, and + all the whole band of wits, exposed him in numberless ballads, and + diverted the public at his expense. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont was highly pleased with these lively and + humorous compositions; and wherever this subject was mentioned, never + failed to produce his supplement upon the occasion: “It is strange,” said + he, “that the country, which is little better than a gallows or a grave + for young people, is allotted in this land only for the unfortunate, and + not for the guilty! poor Lady Chesterfield, for some unguarded looks, is + immediately seized upon by an angry husband, who will oblige her to spend + her Christmas at a country-house, a hundred and fifty miles from London; + while here there are a thousand ladies who are left at liberty to do + whatever they please, and who indulge in that liberty, and whose conduct, + in short, deserves a daily bastinado. I name no person, God forbid I + should; but Lady Middleton, Lady Denham, the queen’s and the duchess’s + maids of honour, and a hundred others, bestow their favours to the right + and to the left, and not the least notice is taken of their conduct. As + for Lady Shrewsbury, she is conspicuous. I would take a wager she might + have a man killed for her every day, find she would only hold her head the + higher for it: one would suppose she imported from Rome plenary + indulgences for her conduct: there are three or four gentlemen who wear an + ounce of her hair made into bracelets, and no person finds any fault; and + yet shall such a cross-grained fool as Chesterfield be permitted to + exercise an act of tyranny, altogether unknown in this country, upon the + prettiest woman in England, and all for a mere trifle: but I am his humble + servant; his precautions will avail him nothing; on the contrary, very + often a woman, who had no bad intentions when she was suffered to remain + in tranquillity, is prompted to such conduct by revenge, or reduced to it + by necessity: this is as true as the gospel: hear now what Francisco’s + saraband says on the subject: + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + “Tell me, jealous-paced swain, What avail thy idle arts, To divide + united hearts? Love, like the wind, I trow, Will, where it listeth, + blow; So, prithee, peace, for all thy cares are vain. “When you are by, + Nor wishful look, be sure, nor eloquent sigh, Shall dare those inward + fires discover, Which burn in either lover Yet Argus’ self, if Argus + were thy spy, Should ne’er, with all his mob of eyes, Surprise. “Some + joys forbidden, Transports hidden, Which love, through dark and secret + ways, Mysterious love, to kindred souls conveys.” + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont passed for the author of this sonnet: neither + the justness of the sentiment, nor turn of it, are surprisingly beautiful; + but as it contained some truths that flattered the genius of the nation, + and pleased those who interested themselves for the fair sex, the ladies + were all desirous of having it to teach their children. + </p> + <p> + During all this time the Duke of York, not being in the way of seeing Lady + Chesterfield, easily forgot her: her absence, however, had some + circumstances attending it which could not but sensibly affect the person + who had occasioned her confinement; but there are certain fortunate + tempers to which every situation is easy; they feel neither disappointment + with bitterness, nor pleasure with acuteness. In the mean time, as the + duke could not remain idle, he had no sooner forgotten Lady Chesterfield, + but he began to think of her whom he had been in love with before, and was + upon the point of relapsing into his old passion for Miss Hamilton. + </p> + <p> + There was in London a celebrated portrait-painter called Lely, who had + greatly improved himself by studying the famous Vandyke’s pictures, which + were dispersed all over England in abundance. Lely imitated Vandyke’s + manner, and approached the nearest to him of all the moderns. The Duchess + of York, being desirous of having the portraits of the handsomest persons + at court, Lely painted them, and employed all his skill in the + performance; nor could he ever exert himself upon more beautiful subjects. + Every picture appeared a master-piece; and that of Miss Hamilton appeared + the highest finished: Lely himself acknowledged that he had drawn it with + a particular pleasure. The Duke of York took a delight in looking at it, + and began again to ogle the original: he had very little reason to hope + for success; and at the same time that his hopeless passion alarmed the + Chevalier de Grammont, Lady Denham thought proper to renew the negotiation + which had so unluckily been interrupted: it was soon brought to a + conclusion; for where both parties are sincere in a negotiation, no time + is lost in cavilling. Everything succeeded prosperously on one side; yet, + I know not what fatality obstructed the pretensions of the other. The duke + was very urgent with the duchess to put Lady Denham in possession of the + place which was the object of her ambition; but as she was not guarantee + for the performance of the secret articles of the treaty, though till this + time she had borne with patience the inconstancy of the duke, and yielded + submissively to his desires; yet, in the present instance, it appeared + hard and dishonourable to her, to entertain near her person, a rival, who + would expose her to the danger of acting but a second part in the midst of + her own court. However, she saw herself upon the point of being forced to + it by authority, when a far more unfortunate obstacle for ever bereft poor + Lady Denham of the hopes of possessing that fatal place, which she had + solicited with such eagerness. + </p> + <p> + Old Denham, naturally jealous, became more and more suspicious, and found + that he had sufficient ground for such conduct: his wife was young and + handsome, he old and disagreeable: what reason then had he to flatter + himself that Heaven would exempt him from the fate of husbands in the like + circumstances? This he was continually saying to himself; but when + compliments were poured in upon him from all sides, upon the place his + lady was going to have near the duchess’s person, he formed ideas of what + was sufficient to have made him hang himself, if he had possessed the + resolution. The traitor chose rather to exercise his courage against + another. He wanted precedents for putting in practice his resentments in a + privileged country: that of Lord Chesterfield was not sufficiently bitter + for the revenge he meditated: besides, he had no country-house to which he + could carry his unfortunate wife. This being the case, the old villain + made her travel a much longer journey without stirring out of London. + Merciless fate robbed her of life, and of her dearest hopes, in the bloom + of youth. + </p> + <p> + As no person entertained any doubt of his having poisoned her, the + populace of his neighbourhood had a design of tearing him in pieces, as + soon as he should come abroad; but he shut himself up to bewail her death, + until their fury was appeased by a magnificent funeral, at which he + distributed four times more burnt wine than had ever been drunk at any + burial in England. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [The lampoons of the day, some of which are to be found in Andrew + Marvell’s Works, more than insinuate that she was deprived of life by a + mixture infused into some chocolate. The slander of the times imputed + her death to the jealousy of the Duchess of York.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + While the town was in fear of some great disaster, as an expiation for + these fatal effects of jealousy, Hamilton was not altogether so easy as he + flattered himself he should be after the departure of Lady Chesterfield: + he had only consulted the dictates of revenge in what he had done. His + vengeance was satisfied; but such was far from being the case with his + love; and having, since the absence of her he still admired, + notwithstanding his resentments, leisure to make those reflections which a + recent injury will not permit a man to attend to: “And wherefore,” said he + to himself, “was I so eager to make her miserable, who alone, however + culpable she may be, has it in her power to make me happy? Cursed + jealousy!” continued he, “yet more cruel to those who torment than to + those who are tormented! What have I gained by having blasted the hopes of + a more happy rival, since I was not able to perform this without depriving + myself, at the same time, of her upon whom the whole happiness and comfort + of my life was centred.” + </p> + <p> + Thus, clearly proving to himself, by a great many reasonings of the same + kind, and all out of season, that in such an engagement it was much better + to partake with another than to have nothing at all, he filled his mind + with a number of vain regrets and unprofitable remorse, when he received a + letter from her who occasioned them, but a letter so exactly adapted to + increase them, that, after he had read it, he looked upon himself as the + greatest scoundrel in the world. Here it follows: + </p> + <p> + “You will, no doubt, be as much surprised at this letter as I was at the + unconcerned air with which you beheld my departure. I am led to believe + that you had imagined reasons which, in your own mind, justified such + unseasonable conduct. If you are still under the impression of such + barbarous sentiments it will afford you pleasure to be made acquainted + with what I suffer in the most horrible of prisons. Whatever the country + affords most melancholy in this season presents itself to my view on all + sides: surrounded by impassable roads, out of one window I see nothing but + rocks, out of another nothing but precipices; but wherever I turn my eyes + within doors I meet those of a jealous husband, still more insupportable + than the sad objects that encompass me. I should add to the misfortunes of + my life that of seeming criminal in the eyes of a man who ought to have + justified me, even against convincing appearances, if by my avowed + innocence I had a right to complain or to expostulate: but how is it + possible for me to justify myself at such a distance; and how can I + flatter myself that the description of a most dreadful prison will not + prevent you from believing me? But do you deserve that I should wish you + did? Heavens! how I must hate you, if I did not love you to distraction. + Come, therefore, and let me once again see you, that you may hear my + justification; and I am convinced that if after this visit you find me + guilty it will not be with respect to yourself. Our Argus sets out + to-morrow for Chester, where a law-suit will detain him a week. I know not + whether he will gain it; but I am sure it will be entirely your fault if + he does not lose one, for which he is at least as anxious as that he is + now going after.” + </p> + <p> + This letter was sufficient to make a man run blindfold into an adventure + still more rash than that which was proposed to him, and that was rash + enough in all respects: he could not perceive by what means she could + justify herself; but as she assured him he should be satisfied with his + journey, this was all he desired at present. + </p> + <p> + There was one of his relations with Lady Chesterfield, who, having + accompanied her in her exile, had gained some share in their mutual + confidence; and it was through her means he received this letter, with all + the necessary instructions about his journey and his arrival. Secrecy + being the soul of such expeditions, especially before an amour is + accomplished, he took post, and set out in the night, animated by the most + tender and flattering wishes, so that, in less than no time almost, in + comparison with the distance and the badness of the roads, he had + travelled a hundred and fifty tedious miles at the last stage he prudently + dismissed the post-boy. It was not yet daylight, and therefore, for fear + of the rocks and precipices mentioned in her letter, he proceeded with + tolerable discretion, considering he was in love. + </p> + <p> + By this means he fortunately escaped all the dangerous places, and, + according to his instructions, alighted at a little hut adjoining to the + park wall. The place was not magnificent; but, as he only wanted rest, it + did well enough for that: he did not wish for daylight, and was even still + less desirous of being seen; wherefore, having shut himself up in this + obscure retreat, he fell into a profound sleep, and did not wake until + noon. As he was particularly hungry when he awoke, he ate and drank + heartily: and, as he was the neatest man at court, and was expected by the + neatest lady in England, he spent the remainder of the day in dressing + himself, and in making all those preparations which the time and place + permitted, without deigning once to look around him, or to ask his + landlord a single question. At last the orders he expected with great + impatience were brought him, in the beginning of the evening, by a + servant, who, attending him as a guide, after having led him for about + half an hour in the dirt, through a park of vast extent, brought him at + last into a garden, into which a little door opened: he was posted exactly + opposite to this door, by which, in a short time, he was to be introduced + to a more agreeable situation; and here his conductor left him. The night + advanced, but the door never opened. + </p> + <p> + Though the winter was almost over, the cold weather seemed only to be + beginning: he was dirtied up to his knees in mud, and soon perceived that + if he continued much longer in this garden it would all be frozen. This + beginning of a very dark and bitter night would have been unbearable to + any other; but it was nothing to a man who flattered himself to pass the + remainder of it in the height of bliss. However, he began to wonder at so + many precautions in the absence of a husband his imagination, by a + thousand delicious and tender ideas supported him some time against the + torments of impatience and the inclemency of the weather; but he felt his + imagination, notwithstanding, cooling by degrees; and two hours, which + seemed to him as tedious as two whole ages, having passed, and not the + least notice being taken of him, either from the door or from the window, + he began to reason with himself upon the posture of his affairs, and what + was the fittest conduct for him to pursue in this emergency: “What if I + should rap at this cursed door,” said he; “for if my fate requires that I + should perish, it is at least more honourable to die in the house than to + be starved to death in the garden but then,” continued he, “I may, + thereby, perhaps, expose a person whom some unforeseen accident may, at + this very instant, have reduced to greater perplexity than even I myself + am in.” This thought supplied him with a necessary degree of patience and + fortitude against the enemies he had to contend with; he therefore began + to walk quickly to and fro, with resolution to wait, as long as he could + keep alive, the end of an adventure which had such an uncomfortable + beginning. All this was to no purpose; for though he used every effort to + keep himself warm, and though muffled up in a thick cloak, yet he began to + be benumbed in all his limbs, and the cold gained the ascendancy over all + his amorous vivacity and eagerness. Daybreak was not far off, and judging + now that, though the accursed door should even be opened, it would be to + no purpose, he returned, as well as he could, to the place from whence he + had set out upon this wonderful expedition. + </p> + <p> + All the faggots that were in the cottage were hardly able to unfreeze him: + the more he reflected on his adventure, the circumstances attending it + appeared still the more strange and unaccountable; but so far from + accusing the charming countess, he suffered a thousand different anxieties + on her account. Sometimes he imagined that her husband might have returned + unexpectedly; sometimes, that she might suddenly have been taken ill; in + short, that some insuperable obstacle had unluckily interposed, and + prevented his happiness, notwithstanding his mistress’s kind intentions + towards him. “But wherefore,” said he, “did she forget me in that cursed + garden? Is it possible that she could not find a single moment to make me + at least, some sign or other, if she could neither speak to me nor give me + admittance?” He knew not which of these conjectures to rely upon, or how + to answer his own questions; but as he flattered himself that everything + would succeed better the next night, after having vowed not to set a foot + again into that unfortunate garden, he gave orders to be awakened as soon + as any person should inquire for him: then he laid himself down in one of + the worst beds in the world, and slept as sound as if he had been in the + best: he supposed that he should not be awakened, but either by a letter + or a message from Lady Chesterfield; but he had scarce slept two hours + when he was roused by the sound of the horn and the cry of the hounds. The + but which afforded him a retreat, joining, as we before said, to the park + wall, he called his host, to know what was the occasion of that hunting, + which made a noise as if the whole pack of hounds had been in his + bed-chamber. He was told that it was my lord hunting a hare in his park. + “What lord?” said he, in great surprise. “The Earl of Chesterfield,” + replied the pea sant. He was so astonished at this that at first he hid + his head under the bed-clothes, under the idea that he already saw him + entering with all his bounds; but as soon as he had a little recovered + himself he began to curse capricious fortune, no longer doubting but this + jealous fool’s return had occasioned all his tribulations in the preceding + night. + </p> + <p> + It was not possible for him to sleep again, after such an alarm; he + therefore got up, that he might revolve in his mind all the stratagems + that are usually employed either to deceive, or to remove out of the way, + a jealous scoundrel of a husband, who thought fit to neglect his law-suit + in order to plague his wife. He had just finished dressing himself, and + was beginning to question his landlord, when the same servant who had + conducted him to the garden delivered him a letter, and disappeared, + without waiting for an answer. This letter was from his relation, and was + to this effect: + </p> + <p> + “I am extremely sorry that I have innocently been accessary to bringing + you to a place, to which you were only invited to be laughed at: I opposed + this journey at first, though I was then persuaded it was wholly suggested + by her tenderness; but she has now undeceived me: she triumphs in the + trick she has played you: her husband has not stirred from hence, but + stays at home, out of complaisance to her: he treats her in the most + affectionate manner; and it was upon their reconciliation that she found + out that you had advised him to carry her into the country. She has + conceived such hatred and aversion against you for it, that I find, from + her discourse, she has not yet wholly satisfied her resentment. Console + yourself for the hatred of a person, whose heart never merited your + tenderness. Return: a longer stay in this place will but draw upon you + some fresh misfortune: for my part, I shall soon leave her: I know her, + and I thank God for it. I do not repent having pitied her at first; but I + am disgusted with an employment which but ill agrees with my way of + thinking.” + </p> + <p> + Upon reading this letter, astonishment, shame, hatred, and rage, seized at + once upon his heart: then menaces, invectives, and the desire of + vengeance, broke forth by turns, and excited his passion and resentment; + but, after he deliberately considered the matter, he resolved that it was + now the best way quietly to mount his horse, and to carry back with him to + London a severe cold, instead of the soft wishes and tender desires he had + brought from thence. He quitted this perfidious place with much greater + expedition than he had arrived at it, though his mind was far from being + occupied with such tender and agreeable ideas: however, when he thought + himself at a sufficient distance to be out of danger of meeting Lord + Chesterfield and his hounds, he chose to look back, that he might at least + have the satisfaction of seeing the prison where this wicked enchantress + was confined; but what was his surprise, when he saw a very fine house, + situated on the banks of a river, in the most delightful and pleasant + country imaginable. Neither rock nor precipice was here to be seen; for, + in reality, they were only in the letter of his perfidious mistress. This + furnished fresh cause for resentment and confusion to a man who thought + himself so well acquainted with all the wiles, as well as weaknesses, of + the fair sex; and who now found himself the dupe of a coquette, who was + reconciled to her husband in order to be revenged on her lover. + </p> + <p> + At last he reached London, well furnished with arguments to maintain that + a man must be extremely weak to trust to the tenderness of a woman who has + once deceived him, but that he must be a complete fool to run after her. + </p> + <p> + This adventure not being much to his credit, he suppressed, as much as + possible, both the journey and the circumstances attending it; but, as we + may easily suppose, Lady Chesterfield made no secret of it, the king came + to the knowledge of it; and, having complimented Hamilton upon it, desired + to be informed of all the particulars of the expedition. The Chevalier de + Grammont happened to be present at this recital; and, having gently + inveighed against the treacherous manner in which he had been used, said: + “If she is to be blamed for carrying the jest so far, you are no less to + be blamed for coming back so suddenly, like an ignorant novice. I dare lay + an hundred guineas, she has more than once repented of a resentment which + you pretty well deserved for the trick you had played her: women love + revenge; but their resentments seldom last long; and if you had remained + in the neighbourhood till the next day, I will be hanged if she would not + have given you satisfaction for the first night’s sufferings.” Hamilton + being of a different opinion, the Chevalier de Grammont resolved to + maintain his assertion by a case in point; and, addressing himself to the + king: “Sir,” said he, “your majesty, I suppose, must have known Marion de + l’Orme, the most charming creature in all France: though she was as witty + as an angel, she was as capricious as a devil. This beauty having made me + an appointment, a whim seized her to put me off, and to give it to + another; she therefore wrote me one of the tenderest billets in the world, + full of the grief and sorrow she was in, by being obliged to disappoint + me; on account of a most terrible headache, that obliged her to keep her + bed, and deprived her of the pleasure of seeing me till the next day. This + headache coming all of a sudden, appeared to me very suspicious; and, + never doubting but it was her intention to jilt me: ‘Very well, mistress + coquette,’ said I to myself, ‘if you do not enjoy the pleasure of seeing + me this day, you shall not enjoy the satisfaction of seeing another.’ + </p> + <p> + “Hereupon, I detached all my servants, some of whom patrolled about her + house, whilst others watched her door; one of the latter brought me + intelligence that no person had gone into her house all the afternoon; but + that a foot-boy had gone out as it grew dark; that he followed him as far + as the Rue Saint Antoine, where this boy met another, to whom he only + spoke two or three words. This was sufficient to confirm my suspicions, + and make me resolve either to make one of the party, or to disconcert it. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Marion de l’Orme, born at Chalons, in Champagne, was esteemed the most + beautiful woman of her times. It is believed that she was secretly + married to the unfortunate Monsieur Cinqmars. After his death, she + became the mistress of Cardinal Richelieu, and, at last, of Monsieur + d’Emery, superintendent of the finances.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + “As the bagnio where I lodged was at a great distance from the Marais, as + soon as the night set in I mounted my horse, without any attendant. When I + came to the Place-Royale, the servant, who was sentry there, assured me + that no person was yet gone into Mademoiselle de l’Orme’s house: I rode + forward towards the Rue Saint Antoine; and, just as I was going out of the + Place-Royale, I saw a man on foot coming into it, who avoided me as much + as he possibly could; but his endeavour was all to no purpose; I knew him + to be the Duke de Brissac, and I no longer doubted but he was my rival + that night: I then approached towards him, seeming as if I feared I + mistook my man; and, alighting with a very busy air ‘Brissac, my friend,’ + said I, ‘you must do me a service of the very greatest importance: I have + an appointment, for the first time, with a girl who lives very near this + place; and, as this visit is only to concert measures, I shall make but a + very short stay: be so kind, therefore, as to lend me your cloak, and walk + my horse about a little, until I return; but, above all, do not go far + from this place: you see that I use you freely like a friend; but you know + it is upon condition that you may take the same liberty with me.’ I took + his cloak, without waiting for his answer, and he took my horse by the + bridle, and followed me with his eye; but he gained no intelligence by + this; for, after having pretended to go into a house opposite to him, I + slipped under the piazzas to Mademoiselle de l’Orme’s, where the door was + opened as soon as I knocked. I was so much muffled up in Brissac’s cloak + that I was taken for him: the door was immediately shut, not the least + question asked me; and having none to ask myself I went straight to the + lady’s chamber. I found her upon a couch in the most agreeable and + genteelest deshabille imaginable: she never in her life looked so + handsome, nor was so greatly surprised; and, seeing her speechless and + confounded: ‘What is the matter, my fair one?’ said I, ‘methinks this is a + headache very elegantly set off; but your headache, to all appearance, is + now gone?’ ‘Not in the least,’ said she, ‘I can scarce support it, and you + will oblige me in going away that I may go to bed.’ ‘As for your going to + bed, to that I have not the least objection,’ said I, ‘but as for my going + away, that cannot be, my little princess: the Chevalier de Grammont is no + fool; a woman does not dress herself with so much care for nothing.’ ‘You + will find, however,’ said she, ‘that it is for nothing; for you may depend + upon it that you shall be no gainer by it.’ ‘What!’ said I, ‘after having + made me an appointment!’ ‘Well,’ replied she hastily, ‘though I had made + you fifty, it still depends upon me, whether I chose to keep them or not, + and you must submit if I do not.’ ‘This might do very well,’ said I, ‘if + it was not to give it to another.’ Mademoiselle de l’Orme, as haughty as a + woman of the greatest virtue, and as passionate as one who has the least, + was irritated at a suspicion which gave her more concern than confusion; + and seeing that she was beginning to put herself in a passion: ‘Madam,’ + said I, ‘pray do not talk in so high a strain; I know what perplexes you: + you are afraid lest Brissac should meet me here; but you may make yourself + easy on that account: I met him not far from this place, and God knows + that I have so managed the affair as to prevent his visiting you soon.’ + Having spoken these words in a tone somewhat tragical, she appeared + concerned at first, and, looking upon me with surprise: ‘What do you mean + about the Duke de Brissac?’ said she. ‘I mean,’ replied I, ‘that he is at + the end of the street, walking my horse about; but, if you will not + believe me, send one of your own servants thither, or look at his cloak + which I left in your ante-chamber.’ Upon this she burst into a fit of + laughter, in the midst of her astonishment, and, throwing her arms around + my neck, ‘My dear Chevalier,’ said she, ‘I can hold out no longer; you are + too amiable and too eccentric not to be pardoned.’ I then told her the + whole story: she was ready to die with laughing; and, parting very good + friends, she assured me my rival might exercise horses as long as he + pleased, but that he should not set his foot within her doors that night. + </p> + <p> + “I found the duke exactly in the place where I had left him: I asked him a + thousand pardons for having made him wait so long, and thanked him a + thousand times for his complaisance. He told me I jested, that such + compliments were unusual among friends; and to convince me that he had + cordially rendered me this piece of service, he would, by all means, hold + my horse while I was mounting. I returned him his cloak, bade him good + night, and went back to my lodgings, equally satisfied with my mistress + and my rival. This,” continued he, “proves that a little patience and + address are sufficient to disarm the anger of the fair, to turn even their + tricks to a man’s advantage.” + </p> + <p> + It was in vain that the Chevalier de Grammont diverted the court with his + stories, instructed by his example, and never appeared there but to + inspire universal joy; for a long time he was the only foreigner in + fashion. Fortune, jealous of the justice which is done to merit, and + desirous of seeing all human happiness depend on her caprice, raised up + against him two competitors for the pleasure he had long enjoyed of + entertaining the English court; and these competitors were so much the + more dangerous, as the reputation of their several merits had preceded + their arrival, in order to dispose the suffrages of the court in their + favour. + </p> + <p> + They came to display, in their own persons, whatever was the most + accomplished either among the men of the sword, or of the gown. The one + was the Marquis de Flamarens, the sad object of the sad elegies of the + Countess de la Suse, the other was the president Tambonneau, the most + humble and most obedient servant and admirer of the beauteous Luynes. As + they arrived together, they exerted every endeavour to shine in concert: + their talents were as different as their persons; Tambonneau, who was + tolerably ugly, founded his hopes upon a great store of wit, which, + however, no person in England could find out; and Flamarens, by his air + and mien, courted admiration, which was flatly denied him. + </p> + <p> + They had agreed mutually to assist each other, in order to succeed in + their intentions; and therefore, in their first visits, the one appeared + in state, and the other was the spokesman. But they found the ladies in + England of a far different taste from those who had rendered them famous + in France: the rhetoric of the one had no effect on the fair sex, and the + fine mien of the other distinguished him only in a minuet, which he first + introduced into England, and which he danced with tolerable success. The + English court had been too long accustomed to the solid wit of Saint + Evremond, and the natural and singular charms of his hero, to be seduced + by appearances; however, as the English have, in general, a sort of + predilection in favour of anything that has the appearance of bravery, + Flamarens was better received on account of a duel, which, obliging him to + leave his own country, was a recommendation to him in England. + </p> + <p> + Miss Hamilton had, at first, the honour of being distinguished by + Tambonneau, who thought she possessed a sufficient share of wit to + discover the delicacy of his; and, being delighted to find that nothing + was lost in her conversation, either as to the turn, the expression, or + beauty of the thought, he frequently did her the favour to converse with + her; and, perhaps, he would never have found out that he was tiresome, if, + contenting himself with the display of his eloquence, he had not thought + proper to attack her heart. This was carrying the matter a little too far + for Miss Hamilton’s complaisance, who was of opinion that she had already + shown him too much for the tropes of his harangues: he was therefore + desired to try somewhere else the experiment of his seducing tongue, and + not to lose the merit of his former constancy by an infidelity which would + be of no advantage to him. + </p> + <p> + He followed this advice like a wise and tractable man; and some time + after, returning to his old mistress in France, he began to lay in a store + of politics for those important negotiations in which he has since been + employed. + </p> + <p> + It was not till after his departure that the Chevalier de Grammont heard + of the amorous declaration he had made: this was a confidence of no great + importance; it, however, saved Tambonneau from some ridicule which might + have fallen to his share before he went away. His colleague, Flamarens, + deprived of his support, soon perceived that he was not likely to meet in + England with the success he had expected, both from love and fortune: but + Lord Falmouth, ever attentive to the glory of his master, in the relief of + illustrious men in distress, provided for his subsistence, and Lady + Southesk for his pleasures: he obtained a pension from the king, and from + her everything he desired; and most happy was it for him that she had no + other present to bestow but that of her heart. + </p> + <p> + It was at this time that Talbot, whom we have before mentioned, and who + was afterwards created Duke of Tyrconnel, fell in love with Miss Hamilton. + There was not a more genteel man at court: he was indeed but a younger + brother, though of a very ancient family, which, however, was not very + considerable either for its renown or its riches; and though he was + naturally of a careless disposition, yet, being intent upon making his + fortune, and much in favour with the Duke of York, and fortune likewise + favouring him at play, he had improved both so well that he was in + possession of about forty thousand pounds a year in land. He offered + himself to Miss Hamilton, with this fortune, together with the almost + certain hopes of being made a peer of the realm, by his master’s credit; + and, over-and-above all, as many sacrifices as she could desire of Lady + Shrewsbury’s letters, pictures, and hair; curiosities which, indeed, are + reckoned for nothing in housekeeping, but which testify strongly in favour + of the sincerity and merit of a lover. + </p> + <p> + Such a rival was not to be despised; and the Chevalier de Grammont thought + him the more dangerous, as he perceived that Talbot was desperately in + love; that he was not a man to be discouraged by a first repulse; that he + had too much sense and good breeding to draw upon himself either contempt + or coldness by too great eagerness; and, besides this, his brothers began + to frequent the house. One of these brothers was almoner to the queen, an + intriguing Jesuit, and a great match-maker: the other was what was called + a lay-monk, who had nothing of his order but the immorality and infamy of + character which is ascribed to them; and withal, frank and free, and + sometimes entertaining, but ever ready to speak bold and offensive truths, + and to do good offices. + </p> + <p> + When the Chevalier de Grammont reflected upon all these things, there + certainly was strong ground for uneasiness: nor was the indifference which + Miss Hamilton showed for the addresses of his rival sufficient to remove + his fears; for being absolutely dependent on her father’s will, she could + only answer for her own intentions: but Fortune, who seemed to have taken + him under her protection in England, now delivered him from all his + uneasiness. + </p> + <p> + Talbot had for many years stood forward as the patron of the distressed + Irish: this zeal for his countrymen was certainly very commendable in + itself; at the same time, however, it was not altogether free from + self-interest: for, out of all the estates he had, through his credit, + procured the restoration of to their primitive owners, he had always + obtained some small compensation for himself; but, as each owner found his + advantage in it, no complaint was made. Nevertheless, as it is very + difficult to use fortune and favour with moderation, and not to swell with + the gales of prosperity, some of his proceedings had an air of haughtiness + and independence, which offended the Duke of Ormond, then Lord Lieutenant + of Ireland, as injurious to his Grace’s authority. The Duke resented this + behaviour with great spirit. As there certainly was a great difference + between them, both as to their birth and rank, and to their credit, it had + been prudent in Talbot to have had recourse to apologies and submission; + but such conduct appeared to him base, and unworthy for a man of his + importance to submit to: he accordingly acted with haughtiness and + insolence; but he was soon convinced of his error; for, having + inconsiderately launched out into some arrogant expressions, which it + neither became him to utter nor the Duke of Ormond to forgive, he was sent + prisoner to the Tower, from whence he could not be released until he had + made all necessary submissions to his Grace: he therefore employed all his + friends for that purpose, and was obliged to yield more to get out of this + scrape than would have been necessary to have avoided it. By this + imprudent conduct he lost all hopes of marrying into a family, which, + after such a proceeding, was not likely to listen to any proposal from + him. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [A very exact account of this transaction is given by Lord Clarendon, by + which it appears, that Talbot was committed to the Tower for threatening + to assassinate the Duke of Ormond. —Continuation of Clarendon, p. + 362.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + It was with great difficulty and mortification that he was obliged to + suppress a passion which had made far greater progress in his heart than + this quarrel had done good to his affairs. This being the case, he was of + opinion that his presence was necessary in Ireland, and that he was better + out of the way of Miss Hamilton, to remove those impressions which still + troubled his repose: his departure, therefore, soon followed this + resolution. + </p> + <p> + Talbot played deep, and was tolerably forgetful: the Chevalier de Grammont + won three or four hundred guineas of him the very evening on which he was + sent to the Tower. That accident had made him forget his usual punctuality + in paying the next morning whatever he had lost over-night; and this debt + had so far escaped his memory, that it never once occurred to him after he + was enlarged. The Chevalier de Grammont, who saw him at his departure, + without taking the least notice of the money he owed him, wished him a + good journey; and, having met him at court, as he came to take his leave + of the king: “Talbot,” said he, “if my services can be of any use to you + during your absence, you have but to command them: you know old Russell + has left his nephew as his resident with Miss Hamilton: if you please, I + will act for you in the same capacity. Adieu, God bless you: be sure not + to fall sick upon the road; but if you should, pray remember me in your + will.” Talbot, who, upon this compliment, immediately recollected the + money he owed the Chevalier, burst out a-laughing, and embracing him: “My + dear Chevalier,” said he, “I am so much obliged to you for your offer, + that I resign you my mistress, and will send you your money instantly.” + The Chevalier de Grammont possessed a thousand of these genteel ways of + refreshing the memories of those persons who were apt to be forgetful in + their payments. The following is the method he used some years after with + Lord Cornwallis: this lord had married the daughter of Sir Stephen Fox,—treasurer + of the king’s household, one of the richest and most regular men in + England. His son-in-law, on the contrary, was a young spendthrift, was + very extravagant, loved gaming, lost as much as any one would trust him, + but was not quite so ready at paying. His father-in-law disapproved of his + conduct, paid his debts, and gave him a lecture at the same time. The + Chevalier de Grammont had won of him a thousand or twelve hundred guineas, + which he heard no tidings of, although he was upon the eve of his + departure, and he had taken leave of Cornwallis in a more particular + manner than any other person. This obliged the Chevalier to write him a + billet, which was rather laconic. It was this: + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + “MY LORD, “Pray remember the Count de Grammont, and do not forget Sir + Stephen Fox.” + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + To return to Talbot: he went away more concerned than became a man who had + voluntarily resigned his mistress to another: neither his stay in Ireland, + nor his solicitude about his domestic affairs, perfectly cured him; and if + at his return he found himself disengaged from Miss Hamilton’s chains, it + was only to exchange them for others. The alteration that had taken place + in the two courts occasioned this change in him, as we shall see in the + sequel. + </p> + <p> + We have hitherto only mentioned the queen’s maids of honour, upon account + of Miss Stewart and Miss Warmestre the others were Miss Bellenden, + Mademoiselle de la Garde and Mademoiselle Bardou, all maids of honour, as + it pleased God. + </p> + <p> + Miss Bellenden was no beauty, but was a good-natured girl, whose chief + merit consisted in being plump and fresh-coloured; and who, not having a + sufficient stock of wit to be a coquette in form, used all her endeavours + to please every person by her complaisance. Mademoiselle de la Garde, and + Mademoiselle Bardou, both French, had been preferred to their places by + the queen dowager: the first was a little brunette, who was continually + meddling in the affairs of her companions; and the other by all means + claimed the rank of a maid of honour, though she only lodged with the + others, and both her title and services were constantly contested. + </p> + <p> + It was hardly possible for a woman to be more ugly, with so fine a shape; + but as a recompense, her ugliness was set off with every art. The use she + was put to, was to dance with Flamarens, and sometimes, towards the + conclusion of a ball, possessed of castanets and effrontery, she would + dance some figured saraband or other, which amused the court. Let us now + see in what manner this ended. + </p> + <p> + As Miss Stewart was very seldom in waiting on the queen, she was scarcely + considered as a maid of honour: the others went off almost at the same + time, by different adventures; and this is the history of Miss Warmestre, + whom we have before mentioned, when speaking of the Chevalier de Grammont. + </p> + <p> + Lord Taaffe, eldest son of the Earl of Carlingford, was supposed to be in + love with her; and Miss Warmestre not only imagined it was so, but + likewise persuaded herself that he would not fail to marry her the first + opportunity; and in the mean time she thought it her duty to entertain him + with all the civility imaginable. Taaffe had made the Duke of Richmond his + confidant: these two were particularly attached to each other; but still + more so to wine. The Duke of Richmond, notwithstanding his birth, made but + an indifferent figure at court; and the king respected him still less than + his courtiers did: and perhaps it was in order to court his majesty’s + favour that he thought proper to fall in love with Miss Stewart. The Duke + and Lord Taaffe made each other the confidants of their respective + engagements; and these were the measures they took to put their designs in + execution. Little Mademoiselle de la Gardet was charged to acquaint Miss + Stewart that the Duke of Richmond was dying of love for her, and that when + he ogled her in public it was a certain sign that he was ready to marry + her, as soon as ever she would consent. + </p> + <p> + Taaffe had no commission to give the little ambassadress for Miss + Warmestre; for there everything was already arranged; but she was charged + to settle and provide some conveniences which were still wanting for the + freedom of their commerce, such as to have free egress and regress to her + at all hours of the day or night: this appeared difficult to be obtained, + but it was, however, at length accomplished. + </p> + <p> + The governess of the maids of honour, who for the world would not have + connived at anything that was not fair and honourable, consented that they + should sup as often as they pleased in Miss Warmestre’s apartments, + provided their intentions were honourable, and she one of the company. The + good old lady was particularly fond of green oysters, and had no aversion + to Spanish wine: she was certain of finding at every one of these suppers + two barrels of oysters; one to be eaten with the party, and the other for + her to carry away: as soon, therefore, as she had taken her dose of wine, + she took her leave of the company. + </p> + <p> + It was much about the time that the Chevalier de Grammont had cast his + eyes upon Miss Warmestre, that this kind of life was led in her chamber. + God knows how many ham pies, bottles of wine, and other products of his + lordship’s liberality were there consumed! + </p> + <p> + In the midst of these nocturnal festivals, and of this innocent commerce, + a relation of Killegrew’s came up to London about a lawsuit: he gained his + cause, but nearly lost his senses. + </p> + <p> + He was a country gentleman, who had been a widower about six months, and + was possessed of fifteen or sixteen thousand pounds a-year: the good man, + who had no business at court, went thither merely to see his cousin + Killegrew, who could have dispensed with his visits. He there saw Miss + Warmestre; and at first sight fell in love with her. His passion increased + to such a degree that, having no rest either by day or night, he was + obliged to have recourse to extraordinary remedies; he therefore early one + morning called upon his cousin Killegrew, told him his case, and desired + him to demand Miss Warmestre in marriage for him. + </p> + <p> + Killegrew was struck with wonder and astonishment when he heard his + design: nor could he cease wondering at what sort of creature, of all the + women in London, his cousin had resolved upon marrying. It was some time + before Killegrew could believe that he was in earnest; but when he was + convinced that he was, he began to enumerate the dangers and + inconveniences attending so rash an enterprise. He told him that a girl + educated at court, was a terrible piece of furniture for the country; that + to carry her thither against her inclination, would as effectually rob him + of his happiness and repose, as if he was transported to hell; that if he + consented to let her stay, he needed only to compute what it would cost + him in equipage, table, clothes, and gaming-money, to maintain her in + London according to her caprices; and then to cast up how long his fifteen + thousand a-year would last. + </p> + <p> + His cousin had already formed this computation; but, finding his reason + less potent than his love, he remained fixed in his resolution; and + Killegrew, yielding at length to his importunities, went and offered his + cousin, bound hand and foot, to the victorious fair. As he dreaded nothing + more than a compliance on her part, so nothing could astonish him more + than the contempt with which she received his proposal. The scorn with + which she refused him, made him believe that she was sure of Lord Taaffe, + and wonder how a girl like her could find out two men who would venture to + marry her. He hastened to relate this refusal, with all the most + aggravating circumstances, as the best news he could carry to his cousin; + but his cousin would not believe him: he supposed that Killegrew disguised + the truth, for the same reasons he had already alleged; and not daring to + mention the matter any more to him, he resolved to wait upon her himself. + He summoned all his courage for the enterprise, and got his compliment by + heart; but as soon as he had opened his mouth for the purpose, she told + him he might have saved himself the trouble of calling on her about such a + ridiculous affair; that she had already given her answer to Killegrew; and + that she neither had, nor ever should have, any other to give; which words + she accompanied with all the severity with which importunate demands are + usually refused. + </p> + <p> + He was more affected than confounded at this repulse: everything became + odious to him in London, and he himself more so than all the rest: he + therefore left town, without taking leave of his cousin, went back to his + country seat, and thinking it would be impossible for him to live without + the inhuman fair, he resolved to neglect no opportunity in his power to + hasten his death. + </p> + <p> + But whilst, in order to indulge his sorrow, he had forsaken all + intercourse with dogs and horses; that is to say, renounced all the + delights and endearments of a country squire, the scornful nymph, who was + certainly mistaken in her reckoning, took the liberty of being brought + to-bed in the face of the whole court. + </p> + <p> + An adventure so public made no small noise, as we may very well imagine: + all the prudes at court at once broke loose upon it; and those + principally, whose age or persons secured them from any such scandal, were + the most inveterate, and cried most loudly for justice. But the governess + of the maids of honour, who might have been called to an account for it, + affirmed that it was nothing at all, and that she was possessed of + circumstances which would at once silence all censorious tongues. She had + an audience of the queen, in order to unfold the mystery; and related to + her majesty how everything had passed with her consent, that is to say, + upon honourable terms. + </p> + <p> + The queen sent to inquire of Lord Taaffe, whether he acknowledged Miss + Warmestre for his wife: to which he most respectfully returned for answer, + that he neither acknowledged Miss Warmestre nor her child, and that he + wondered why she should rather father it upon him than any other. The + unfortunate Warmestre, more enraged at this answer than at the loss of + such a lover, quitted the court as soon as ever she was able, with a + resolution of quitting the world the first opportunity. + </p> + <p> + Killegrew, being upon the point of setting out upon a journey, when this + adventure happened, thought he might as well call upon his afflicted + cousin in his way, to acquaint him with the circumstance; and as soon as + he saw him, without paying any attention to the delicacy of his love, or + to his feelings, he bluntly told him the whole story: nor did he omit any + colouring that could heighten his indignation, in order to make him burst + with shame and resentment. + </p> + <p> + We read that the gentle Tiridates quietly expired upon the recital of the + death of Mariamne; but Killegrew’s fond cousin falling devoutly upon his + knees, and lifting up his eyes to Heaven, poured forth this exclamation: + </p> + <p> + “Praised be the Lord for a small misfortune, which perhaps may prove the + comfort of my life! Who knows but the beauteous Warmestre will now accept + of me for a husband; and that I may have the happiness of passing the + remainder of my days with a woman I adore, and by whom I may expect to + have heirs?” “Certainly,” said Killegrew, more confounded than his cousin + ought to have been on such an occasion, “you may depend upon having both: + I make no manner of doubt but she will marry you as soon as ever she is + recovered from her lying-in; and it would be a great ill-nature in her, + who already knows the way, to let you want children: however, in the + meantime I advise you to take that she has already, till you get more.” + </p> + <p> + Notwithstanding this raillery, all that was said did take place. This + faithful lover courted her, as if she had been the chaste Lucretia, or the + beauteous Helen: his passion even increased after marriage, and the + generous fair, first out of gratitude, and afterwards through inclination, + never brought him a child of which he was not the father; and though there + have been many a happy couple in England, this certainly was the happiest. + </p> + <p> + Some time after, Miss Bellenden, not being terrified by this example, had + the prudence to quit the court before she was obliged so to do: the + disagreeable Bardou followed her soon after; but for different reasons. + Every person was at last completely tired of her saraband, as well as of + her face; and the king, that he might see neither of them any more, gave + each a small pension for her subsistence. There now only remained little + Mademoiselle de la Garde to be provided for neither her virtues nor her + vices were sufficiently conspicuous to occasion her being either dismissed + from court, or pressed to remain there: God knows what would have become + of her, if a Mr. Silvius, a man who had nothing of a Roman in him except + the name, had not taken the poor girl to be his wife. We have now shown + how all these damsels deserved to be expelled, either for their + irregularities, or for their ugliness; and yet, those who replaced them + found means to make them regretted, Miss Wells only excepted. + </p> + <p> + She was a tall girl, exquisitely shaped: she dressed very genteel, walked + like a goddess; and yet, her face, though made like those that generally + please the most, was unfortunately one of those that pleased the least: + nature had spread over it a certain careless indolence that made her look + sheepish. This gave but a bad opinion of her wit: and her wit had the + ill-luck to make good that opinion: however, as she was fresh coloured, + and appeared inexperienced, the king, whom the fair Stewart did not render + over nice as to the perfections of the mind, resolved to try whether the + senses would not fare better with Miss Wells’s person than fine sentiments + with her understanding: nor was this experiment attended with much + difficulty: she was of a loyal family; and her father having faithfully + served Charles the First, she thought it her duty not to revolt against + Charles the Second. But this connection was not attended with very + advantageous circumstances for herself; some pretended that she did not + hold out long enough, and that she surrendered at discretion before she + was vigorously attacked; and others said, that his majesty complained of + certain other facilities still less pleasing. The Duke of Buckingham made + a couplet upon this occasion, wherein the king, speaking to Progers, the + confidant of his intrigues, puns upon the name of the fair one, to the + following purport: + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + When the king felt the horrible depth of this Well, “Tell me, Progers,” + cried Charlie, “where am I? oh tell! Had I sought the world’s centre to + find, I had found it, But this Well! ne’er a plummet was made that could + sound it.” [Edward Progers, Esq., was a younger son of Philip Progers, + Esq., of the family of Garreddin, in Monmouthshire. His father was a + colonel in the army, and equerry to James I. Edward was early introduced + to court, and, after having been page to Charles I., was made groom of + the bed-chamber to his son, while Prince of Wales. He attached himself + to the king’s interest during the war with the parliament, with laudable + fidelity. The following letter, from which antiquaries may derive the + minute information that Charles II. did wear mourning for a whole year + for his father, serves to shew the familiar style which Charles used to + Progers, as well as his straitened circumstances while in the island of + Jersey. “Progers, I wold have you (besides the embroidred sute) bring me + a plaine riding suite, with an innocent coate, the suites I haue for + horsebacke being so spotted and spoiled that they are not to be seene + out of this island. The lining of the coate, and the petit toies are + referred to your greate discretion, provided there want nothing when it + comes to be put on. I doe not remember there was a belt, or a hat-band, + in your directions for the embroidred suite, and those are so necessarie + as you must not forget them. “Jearsey, 14th Jan. old stile, 1649. + CHARLES R.”] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + Miss Wells, notwithstanding this species of anagram upon her name, and + these remarks upon her person, shone the brightest among her new + companions. These were Miss Levingston, Miss Fielding, and Miss Boynton, + who little deserve to be mentioned in these memoirs; therefore we shall + leave them in obscurity until it please fortune to draw them out of it. + </p> + <p> + This was the new establishment of maids of honour to the queen. The + Duchess of York, nearly about the same time, likewise recruited hers; but + showed, by a happier and more brilliant choice, that England possessed an + inexhaustible stock of beauties. But before we begin to speak of them, let + us see who were the first maids of honour to her royal highness, and on + what account they were removed. + </p> + <p> + Besides Miss Blague and Miss Price, whom we have before mentioned, the + establishment was composed of Miss Bagot and Miss Hobart, the president of + the community. Miss Blague, who never knew the true reason of her quarrel + with the Marquis de Brisacier, took it up upon that fatal letter she had + received from him, wherein, without acquainting her that Miss Price was to + wear the same sort of gloves and yellow riband as herself, he had only + complimented her upon her hair, her fair complexion, and her eyes + marcassins. This word she imagined must signify something particularly + wonderful, since her eyes were compared to it; and being desirous, some + time afterwards, to know all the energy of the expression, she asked the + meaning of the French word marcassin. As there are no wild boars in + England, those to whom she addressed herself, told her that it signified a + young pig. This scandalous simile confirmed her in the belief she + entertained of his perfidy. Brisacier, more amazed at her change, than she + was offended at his supposed calumny, looked upon her as a woman still + more capricious than insignificant, and never troubled himself more about + her; but Sir Yarborough, of as fair a complexion as herself, made her an + offer of marriage in the height of her resentment, and was accepted: + chance made up this match, I suppose, as an experiment to try what such a + white-haired union would produce. + </p> + <p> + Miss Price was witty; and as her person was not very likely to attract + many admirers, which, however, she was resolved to have, she was far from + being coy when an occasion offered: she did not so much as make any terms: + she was violent in her resentments, as well as in her attachments, which + had exposed her to some inconveniences; and she had very indiscreetly + quarrelled with a young girl whom Lord Rochester admired. This connection, + which till then had been a secret, she had the imprudence to publish to + the whole world, and thereby drew upon herself the most dangerous enemy in + the universe: never did any man write with more ease, humour, spirit, and + delicacy; but he was at the same time the most severe satirist. + </p> + <p> + Poor Miss Price, who had thus voluntarily provoked his resentment, was + daily exposed in some new shape: there was every day some new song or + other, the subject of which was her conduct, and the burden her name. How + was it possible for her to bear up against these attacks, in a court, + where every person was eager to obtain the most insignificant trifle that + came from the pen of Lord Rochester? The loss of her lover, and the + discovery that attended it, was only wanting to complete the persecution + that was raised against her. + </p> + <p> + About this time died Dongan, a gentleman of merit, who was succeeded by + Durfort, afterwards Earl of Feversham, in the post of lieutenant of the + duke’s life guards. Miss Price having tenderly loved him, his death + plunged her into a gulf of despair; but the inventory of his effects had + almost deprived her of her senses: there was in it a certain little box + sealed up on all sides: it was addressed in the deceased’s own handwriting + to Miss Price; but instead of receiving it, she had not even the courage + to look upon it. The governess thought it became her in prudence to + receive it, on Miss Price’s refusal, and her duty to deliver it to the + duchess herself, supposing it was filled with many curious and precious + commodities, of which perhaps she might make some advantage. Though the + duchess was not altogether of the same opinion, she had the curiosity to + see what was contained in a box sealed up in a manner so particularly + careful, and therefore caused it to be opened in the presence of some + ladies, who happened then to be in her closet. + </p> + <p> + All kinds of love trinkets were found in it; and all these favours, it + appeared, came from the tender-hearted Miss Price. It was difficult to + comprehend how a single person could have furnished so great a collection; + for, besides counting the pictures, there was hair of all descriptions, + wrought into bracelets, lockets, and into a thousand other different + devices, wonderful to see. After these were three or four packets of + letters, of so tender a nature, and so full of raptures and languors so + naturally expressed, that the duchess could not endure the reading of any + more than the two first. + </p> + <p> + Her royal highness was sorry that she had caused the box to be opened in + such good company; for being before such witnesses, she rightly judged it + was impossible to stifle this adventure; and, at the same time, there + being no possibility of retaining any longer such a maid of honour, Miss + Price had her valuables restored to her, with orders to go and finish her + lamentations, or to console herself for the loss of her lover, in some + other place. + </p> + <p> + Miss Hobart’s character was at that time as uncommon in England, as her + person was singular, in a country where, to be young, and not to be in + some degree handsome, is a reproach; she had a good shape, rather a bold + air, and a great deal of wit, which was well cultivated, without having + much discretion. She was likewise possessed of a great deal of vivacity, + with an irregular fancy: there was a great deal of fire in her eyes, + which, however, produced no effect upon the beholders and she had a tender + heart, whose sensibility some pretended was alone in favour of the fair + sex. + </p> + <p> + Miss Bagot was the first that gained her tenderness and affection, which + she returned at first with equal warmth and sincerity; but perceiving that + all her friendship was insufficient to repay that of Miss Hobart, she + yielded the conquest to the governess’s niece, who thought herself as much + honoured by it as her aunt thought herself obliged by the care she took of + the young girl. + </p> + <p> + It was not long before the report, whether true or false, of this + singularity, spread through the whole court, where people, being yet so + uncivilized as never to have heard of that kind of refinement in love of + ancient Greece, imagined that the illustrious Hobart, who seemed so + particularly attached to the fair sex, was in reality something more than + she appeared to be. + </p> + <p> + Satirical ballads soon began to compliment her upon these new attributes; + and upon the insinuations that were therein made, her companions began to + fear her. The governess, alarmed at these reports, consulted Lord + Rochester upon the danger to which her niece was exposed. She could not + have applied to a fitter person: he immediately advised her to take her + niece out of the hands of Miss Hobart; and contrived matters so well that + she fell into his own. The duchess, who had too much generosity not to + treat as visionary what was imputed to Miss Hobart, and too much justice + to condemn her upon the faith of lampoons, removed her from the society of + the maids of honour, to be an attendant upon her own person. + </p> + <p> + Miss Bagot was the only one who was really possessed of virtue and beauty + among these maids of honour: she had beautiful and regular features, and + that sort of brown complexion, which, when in perfection, is so + particularly fascinating, and more especially in England, where it is + uncommon. There was an involuntary blush almost continually upon her + cheek, without having anything to blush for. Lord Falmouth cast his eyes + upon her: his addresses were better received than those of Miss Hobart, + and some time after Cupid raised her from the post of maid of honour to + the duchess to a rank which might have been envied by all the young ladies + in England. + </p> + <p> + The Duchess of York, in order to form her new court, resolved to see all + the young persons that offered themselves, and, without any regard to + recommendations, to choose none but the handsomest. + </p> + <p> + At the head of this new assembly appeared Miss Jennings and Miss Temple; + and indeed they so entirely eclipsed the other two, that we shall speak of + them only. + </p> + <p> + Miss Jennings, adorned with all the blooming treasures of youth, had the + fairest and brightest complexion that ever was seen: her hair was of a + most beauteous flaxen: there was something particularly lively and + animated in her countenance, which preserved her from that insipidity + which is frequently an attendant on a complexion so extremely fair. Her + mouth was not the smallest, but it was the handsomest mouth in the world. + Nature had endowed her with all those charms which cannot be expressed, + and the graces had given the finishing stroke to them. The turn of her + face was exquisitely fine, and her swelling neck was as fair and as bright + as her face. In a word, her person gave the idea of Aurora, or the goddess + of the spring, “such as youthful poets fancy when they love.” But as it + would have been unjust that a single person should have engrossed all the + treasures of beauty without any defect, there was something wanting in her + hands and arms to render them worthy of the rest: her nose was not the + most elegant, and her eyes gave some relief, whilst her mouth and her + other charms pierced the heart with a thousand darts. + </p> + <p> + With this amiable person she was full of wit and sprightliness, and all + her actions and motions were unaffected and easy: her conversation was + bewitching, when she had a mind to please; piercing and delicate when + disposed to raillery; but as her imagination was subject to flights, and + as she began to speak frequently before she had done thinking, her + expressions did not always convey what she wished; sometimes exceeding, + and at others falling short of her ideas. + </p> + <p> + Miss Temple, nearly of the same age, was brown compared with the other: + she had a good shape, fine teeth, languishing, eyes, a fresh complexion, + an agreeable smile, and a lively air. Such was the outward form; but it + would be difficult to describe the rest; for she was simple and vain, + credulous and suspicious, coquettish and prudent, very self-sufficient and + very silly. + </p> + <p> + As soon as these new stars appeared at the duchess’s court, all eyes were + fixed upon them, and every one formed some design upon one or other of + them, some with honourable, and others with dishonest intentions. Miss + Jennings soon distinguished herself, and left her companions no other + admirers but such as remained constant from hopes of success: her + brilliant charms attracted at first sight, and the charms of her wit + secured her conquests. + </p> + <p> + The Duke of York having persuaded himself that she was part of his + property, resolved to pursue his claim by the same title whereby his + brother had appropriated to himself the favours of Miss Wells; but he did + not find her inclined to enter into his service, though she had engaged in + that of the duchess. She would not pay any attention to the perpetual + ogling with which he at first attacked her. Her eyes were always wandering + on other objects, when those of his royal highness were looking for them; + and if by chance he caught any casual glance, she did not even blush. This + made him resolve to change his manner of attack: ogling having proved + ineffectual, he took an opportunity to speak to her; and this was still + worse. I know not in what strain he told his case; but it is certain the + oratory of the tongue was not more prevailing than the eloquence of his + eyes. + </p> + <p> + Miss Jennings had both virtue and pride, and the proposals of the duke + were consistent with neither the one nor the other. Although from her + great vivacity one might suppose that she was not capable of much + reflection, yet she had furnished herself with some very salutary maxims + for the conduct of a young person of her age. The first was, that a lady + ought to be young to enter the court with advantage, and not old to leave + it with a good grace: that she could not maintain herself there but by a + glorious resistance, or by illustrious foibles and that, in so dangerous a + situation, she ought to use her utmost endeavours not to dispose of her + heart until she gave her hand. + </p> + <p> + Entertaining such sentiments, she had far less trouble to resist the + duke’s temptations, than to disengage herself from his perseverance: she + was deaf to all treaties for a settlement, with which her ambition was + sounded: and all offers of presents succeeded still worse. What was then + to be done to conquer an extravagant virtue that would not hearken to + reason? He was ashamed to suffer a giddy young girl to escape, whose + inclinations ought in some manner to correspond with the vivacity that + shone forth in all her actions, and who nevertheless thought proper to be + serious when no such thing as seriousness was required of her. + </p> + <p> + After he had attentively considered her obstinate behaviour, he thought + that writing might perhaps succeed, though ogling, speeches, and embassies + had failed. Paper receives everything, but it unfortunately happened that + she would not receive the paper. Every day billets, containing the + tenderest expressions, and most magnificent promises, were slipped into + her pockets, or into her muff: this, however, could not be done + unperceived; and the malicious little gipsy took care that those who saw + them slip in, should likewise see them fall out, unperused and unopened; + she only shook her muff, or pulled out her handkerchief; as soon as ever + his back was turned, his billets fell about her like hail-stones, and + whoever pleased might take them up. The duchess was frequently a witness + of this conduct, but could not find in her heart to chide her for her want + of respect to the duke. After this, the charms and prudence of Miss + Jennings were the only subjects of conversation in the two courts: the + courtiers could not comprehend how a young creature, brought directly from + the country to court, should so soon become its ornament by her + attractions, and its example by her conduct. + </p> + <p> + The king was of opinion that those who had attacked her had ill-concerted + their measures; for he thought it unnatural that she should neither be + tempted by promises, nor gained by importunity: she, especially, who in + all probability had not imbibed such severe precepts from the prudence of + her mother, who had never tasted any thing more delicious than the plums + and apricots of Saint Albans. Being resolved to try her himself, he was + particularly pleased with the great novelty that appeared in the turn of + her wit, and in the charms of her person; and curiosity, which at first + induced him to make the trial, was soon changed into a desire of + succeeding in the experiment. God knows what might have been the + consequence, for he greatly excelled in wit, and besides he was king: two + qualities of no small consideration. The resolutions of the fair Jennings + were commendable, and very judicious; but yet she was wonderfully pleased + with wit; and royal majesty prostrate at the feet of a young person, is + very persuasive. Miss Stewart, however, would not consent to the king’s + project. + </p> + <p> + She immediately took the alarm, and desired his majesty to leave to the + duke, his brother, the care of tutoring the duchess’s maids of honour, and + only to attend to the management of his own flock, unless his majesty + would in return allow her to listen to certain proposals of a settlement + which she did not think disadvantageous. This menace being of a serious + nature, the king obeyed; and Miss Jennings had all the additional honour + which arose from this adventure: it both added to her reputation, and + increased the number of her admirers. Thus she continued to triumph over + the liberties of others without ever losing her own: her hour was not yet + come, but it was not far distant; the particulars of which we shall relate + as soon as we have given some account of the conduct of her companion. + </p> + <p> + Though Miss Temple’s person was particularly engaging, it was nevertheless + eclipsed by that of Miss Jennings; but she was still more excelled by the + other’s superior mental accomplishments. Two persons, very capable to + impart understanding, had the gift been communicable, undertook at the + same time to rob her of the little she really possessed: these were Lord + Rochester and Miss Hobart: the first began to mislead her by reading to + her all his compositions, as if she alone had been a proper judge of them. + He never thought proper to flatter her upon her personal accomplishments; + but told her that if heaven had made him susceptible of the impressions of + beauty, it would not have been possible for him to have escaped her + chains; but not being, thank God, affected with anything but wit, he had + the happiness of enjoying the most agreeable conversation in the world + without running any risk. After so sincere a confession he either + presented to her a copy of verses, or a new song, in which whoever dared + to come in competition in any respect with Miss Temple was laid prostrate + before her charms, most humbly to solicit pardon: such flattering + insinuations so completely turned her head that it was a pity to see her. + </p> + <p> + The duchess took notice of it, and well knowing the extent of both their + geniuses, she saw the precipice into which the poor girl was running + headlong without perceiving it; but as it is no less dangerous to forbid a + connection that is not yet thought of, than it is difficult to put an end + to one that is already well established, Miss Hobart was charged to take + care, with all possible discretion, that these frequent and long + conversations might not be attended with any dangerous consequences: with + pleasure she accepted the commission, and greatly flattered herself with + success. + </p> + <p> + She had already made all necessary advances to gain possession of her + confidence and friendship; and Miss Temple, less suspicious of her than of + Lord Rochester, made all imaginable returns. She was greedy of praise, and + loved all manner of sweetmeats, as much as a child of nine or ten years + old: her taste was gratified in both these respects. Miss Hobart having + the superintendence of the duchess’s baths, her apartment joined them, in + which there was a closet stored with all sorts of sweetmeats and liqueurs: + the closet suited Miss Temple’s taste, as exactly as it gratified Miss + Hobart’s inclination, to have something that could allure her. + </p> + <p> + Summer, being now returned, brought back with it the pleasures and + diversions that are its inseparable attendants. One day, when the ladies + had been taking the air on horseback, Miss Temple, on her return from + riding, alighted at Miss Hobart’s, in order to recover her fatigue at the + expense of the sweetmeats, which she knew were there at her service; but + before she began she desired Miss Hobart’s permission to undress herself, + and change her linen in her apartment; which request was immediately + complied with: “I was just going to propose it to you,” said Miss Hobart, + “not but that you are as charming as an angel in your riding habit; but + there is nothing so comfortable as a loose dress, and being at one’s ease: + you cannot imagine, my dear Temple,” continued she, embracing her, “how + much you oblige me by thus free unceremonious conduct; but, above all, I + am enchanted with your particular attention to cleanliness: how greatly + you differ in this, as in many other things, from that silly creature + Jennings! Have you remarked how all our court fops admire her for her + brilliant complexion, which perhaps, after all, is not wholly her own; and + for blunders, which are truly original, and which they are such fools as + to mistake for wit: I have not conversed with her long enough to perceive + in what her wit consists; but of this I am certain, that if it is not + better than her feet, it is no great matter. What stories have I heard of + her sluttishness! No cat ever dreaded water so much as she does: fie upon + her! Never to wash for her own comfort, and only to attend to those parts + which must necessarily be seen, such as the neck and hands.” + </p> + <p> + Miss Temple swallowed all this with even greater pleasure than the + sweetmeats; and the officious Hobart, not to lose time, was helping her + off with her clothes, while the chambermaid was coming. She made some + objections to this at first, being unwilling to occasion that trouble to a + person, who, like Miss Hobart, had been advanced to a place of dignity; + but she was overruled by her, and assured that it was with the greatest + pleasure she showed her that small mark of civility. The collation being + finished, and Miss Temple undressed: “Let us retire,” said Miss Hobart, + “to the bathing closet, where we may enjoy a little conversation secure + from any impertinent visit.” Miss Temple consented, and both of them + sitting down on a couch: “You are too young, my dear Temple,” said she, + “to know the baseness of men in general, and too short a time acquainted + with the court to know the character of its inhabitants. I will give you a + short sketch of the principal persons, to the best of my knowledge, + without injury to any one; for I abominate the trade of scandal. + </p> + <p> + “In the first place, then, you ought to set it down as an undoubted fact + that all courtiers are deficient either in honesty, good sense, judgment, + wit, or sincerity; that is to say, if any of them by chance possess some + one of these qualities, you may depend upon it he is defective in the + rest: sumptuous in their equipages, deep play, a great opinion of their + own merit, and contempt of that of others, are their chief + characteristics. + </p> + <p> + “Interest or pleasure are the motives of all their actions: those who are + led by the first would sell God Almighty, as Judas sold his Master, and + that for less money. I could relate you a thousand noble instances of + this, if I had time. As for the sectaries of pleasure, or those who + pretend to be such, for they are not all so bad as they endeavour to make + themselves appear, these gentlemen pay no manner of regard either to + promises, oaths, law, or religion; that is to say, they are literally no + respecters of persons; they care neither for God nor man, if they can but + gain their ends. They look upon maids of honour only as amusements, placed + expressly at court for their entertainment; and the more merit any one + has, the more she is exposed to their impertinence, if she gives any ear + to them; and to their malicious calumnies, when she ceases to attend to + them. As for husbands, this is not the place to find them; for unless + money or caprice make up the match, there is but little hopes of being + married: virtue and beauty in this respect here are equally useless. Lady + Falmouth is the only instance of a maid of honour well married without a + portion; and if you were to ask her poor weak husband for what reason he + married her, I am persuaded that he can assign none, unless it be her + great red ears and broad feet. As for the pale Lady Yarborough, who + appeared so proud of her match, she is wife, to be sure, of a great + country bumpkin, who, the very week after their marriage, bid her take her + farewell of the town for ever, in consequence of five or six thousand + pounds a year he enjoys on the borders of Cornwall. Alas! poor Miss + Blague! I saw her go away about this time twelvemonth, in a coach with + four such lean horses, that I cannot believe she is yet half way to her + miserable little castle. What can be the matter! all the girls seem + afflicted with the rage of wedlock, and however small their portion of + charms may be, they think it only necessary to show themselves at court in + order to pick and choose their men: but was this in reality the case, the + being a wife is the most wretched condition imaginable for a person of + nice sentiments. Believe me, my dear Temple, the pleasures of matrimony + are so inconsiderable in comparison with its inconveniences, that I cannot + imagine how any reasonable creature can resolve upon it: rather fly, + therefore, from this irksome engagement than court it. Jealousy, formerly + a stranger to these happy isles, is now coming into fashion, with many + recent examples of which you are acquainted. However brilliant the phantom + may appear, suffer not yourself to be caught by its splendour, and never + be so weak as to transform your slave into your tyrant: as long as you + preserve your own liberty, you will be mistress of that of others. I will + relate to you a very recent proof of the perfidy of man to our sex, and of + the impunity they experience in all attempts upon our innocence. The Earl + of Oxford fell in love with a handsome, graceful actress belonging to the + duke’s theatre, who performed to perfection, particularly the part of + Roxana, in a very fashionable new play, insomuch that she ever after + retained that name: this creature being both very virtuous and very + modest, or, if you please, wonderfully obstinate, proudly rejected the + addresses and presents of the Earl of Oxford. This resistance inflamed his + passion: he had recourse to invectives, and even to spells; but all in + vain. This disappointment had such effect upon him that he could neither + eat nor drink; this did not signify to him; but his passion at length + became so violent, that he could neither play nor smoke. In this extremity + love had recourse to Hymen; the Earl of Oxford, one of the first peers of + the realm, is, you know, a very handsome man: he is of the order of the + garter, which greatly adds to an air naturally noble. In short, from his + outward appearance, you would suppose he was really possessed of some + sense; but as soon as ever you hear him speak, you are perfectly convinced + of the contrary. This passionate lover presented her with a promise of + marriage, in due form, signed with his own hand: she would not, however, + rely upon this, but the next day she thought there could be no danger, + when the earl himself came to her lodgings attended by a clergyman, and + another man for a witness: the marriage was accordingly solemnized with + all due ceremonies, in the presence of one of her fellow players, who + attended as a witness on her part. You will suppose, perhaps, that the new + countess had nothing to do but to appear at court according to her rank, + and to display the earl’s arms upon her carriage. This was far from being + the case. When examination was made concerning the marriage, it was found + to be a mere deception: it appeared that the pretended priest was one of + my lord’s trumpeters, and the witness his kettle drummer. The parson and + his companion never appeared after the ceremony was over; and as for the + other witness, they endeavoured to persuade her that the Sultana Roxana + might have supposed, in some part or other of a play, that she was really + married. It was all to no purpose, that the poor creature claimed the + protection of the laws of God and man, both which were violated and + abused, as well as herself, by this infamous imposition: in vain did she + throw herself at the King’s feet to demand justice: she had only to rise + up again without redress; and happy might she think herself to receive an + annuity of one thousand crowns, and to resume the name of Roxana, instead + of Countess of Oxford. You will say, perhaps, that she was only a player; + that all men have not the same sentiments as the earl; and, that one may + at least believe them, when they do but render justice to such merit as + yours. But still do not believe them, though I know you are liable to it, + as you have admirers; for all are not infatuated with Miss Jennings: the + handsome Sydney ogles you; Lord Rochester is delighted with your + conversation; and the most serious Sir Lyttleton forsakes his natural + gravity in favour of your charms. As for the first, I confess his figure + is very likely to engage the inclinations of a young person like yourself; + but were his outward form attended with other accomplishments, which I + know it is not, and that his sentiments in your favour were as real as he + endeavours to persuade you they are, and as you deserve, yet I would not + advise you to form any connections with him, for reasons which I cannot + tell you at present. + </p> + <p> + “Sir Lyttleton is undoubtedly in earnest, since he appears ashamed of the + condition to which you have reduced him; and I really believe if he could + get the better of those vulgar chimerical apprehensions, of being what is + vulgarly called a cuckold, the good man would marry you, and you would be + his representative in his little government, where you might merrily pass + your days in casting up the weekly bills of housekeeping, and in darning + old napkins. What a glory would it be to have a Cato for a husband, whose + speeches are as many lectures, and whose lectures are composed of nothing + but ill-nature and censure! + </p> + <p> + “Lord Rochester is, without contradiction, the most witty man in all + England; but then he is likewise the most unprincipled, and devoid even of + the least tincture of honour; he is dangerous to our sex alone; and that + to such a degree that there is not a woman who gives ear to him three + times, but she irretrievably loses her reputation. No woman can escape + him, for he has her in his writings, though his other attacks be + ineffectual; and in the age we live in, the one is as bad as the other in + the eye of the public. In the mean time nothing is more dangerous than the + artful insinuating manner with which he gains possession of the mind: he + applauds your taste, submits to your sentiments, and at the very instant + that he himself does not believe a single word of what he is saying, he + makes you believe it all. I dare lay a wager, that from the conversation + you have had with him, you thought him one of the most honourable and + sincerest men living; for my part I cannot imagine what he means by the + assiduity he pays you not but your accomplishments are sufficient to + excite the adoration and praise of the whole world; but had he even been + so fortunate as to have gained your affections, he would not know what to + do with the loveliest creature at court: for it is a long time since his + debauches have brought him to order, with the assistance of the favours of + all the common street-walkers. See then, my dear Temple, what horrid + malice possesses him, to the ruin and confusion of innocence! A wretch! to + have no other design in his addresses and assiduities to Miss Temple, but + to give a greater air of probability to the calumnies with which he has + loaded her. You look upon me with astonishment, and seem to doubt the + truth of what I advance; but I do not desire you to believe me without + evidence: ‘Here,’ said she, drawing a paper out of her pocket, ‘see what a + copy of verses he has made in your praise, while he lulls your credulity + to rest, by flattering speeches and feigned respect.’” + </p> + <p> + After saying this, the perfidious Hobart showed her half-a-dozen couplets + full of strained invective and scandal, which Rochester had made against + the former maids of honour. This severe and cutting lampoon was + principally levelled against Miss Price, whose person he took to pieces in + the most frightful and hideous manner imaginable. Miss Hobart had + substituted the name of Temple instead of Price, which she made to agree + both with the measure and tune of the song. This effectually answered + Hobart’s intentions: the credulous Temple no sooner heard her sing the + lampoon, but she firmly believed it to be made upon herself; and in the + first transports of her rage, having nothing so much at heart as to give + the lie to the fictions of the poet: “Ah! as for this, my dear Hobart,” + said she, “I can bear it no longer: I do not pretend to be so handsome as + some others; but as for the defects that villain charges me with, I dare + say, my dear Hobart, there is no woman more free from them: we are alone, + and I am almost inclined to convince you by ocular demonstration.” Miss + Hobart was too complaisant to oppose this motion; but, although she + soothed her mind by extolling all her beauties, in opposition to Lord + Rochester’s song, Miss Temple was almost driven to distraction by rage and + astonishment, that the first man she ever attended to should, in his + conversation with her, not even make use of a single word of truth, but + that he should likewise have the unparalleled cruelty falsely to accuse + her of defects; and not being able to find words capable of expressing her + anger and resentment, she began to weep like a child. + </p> + <p> + Miss Hobart used all her endeavours to comfort her, and chid her for being + so much hurt with the invectives of a person whose scandalous impostures + were too well known to make any impression: she however advised her never + to speak to him any more, for that was the only method to disappoint his + designs; that contempt and silence were, on such occasions, much + preferable to any explanation, and that if he could once obtain a hearing, + he would be justified, but she would be ruined. + </p> + <p> + Miss Hobart was not wrong in giving her this counsel: she knew that an + explanation would betray her, and that there would be no quarter for her + if Lord Rochester had so fair an opportunity of renewing his former + panegyrics upon her; but her precaution was in vain: this conversation had + been heard from one end to the other, by the governess’s niece, who was + blessed with a most faithful memory; and having that very day an + appointment with Lord Rochester, she conned it over three or four times, + that she might not forget one single word, when she should have the honour + of relating it to her lover. We shall show in the next chapter, what were + the consequences resulting from it. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0010" id="link2HCH0010"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER TENTH. OTHER LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT + </h2> + <p> + The conversation before related was agreeable only to Miss Hobart; for if + Miss Temple was entertained with its commencement, she was so much the + more irritated by its conclusion this indignation was succeeded by the + curiosity of knowing the reason why, if Sidney had a real esteem for her, + she should not be allowed to pay some attention to him. + </p> + <p> + As soon as they retired from the closet, Miss Sarah came out of the bath, + where during all this conversation, she had been almost perished with + cold, without daring to complain. This little gipsy had, it seems, + obtained leave of Miss Hobart’s woman to bathe herself unknown to her + mistress; and having, I know not how, found means to fill one of the baths + with cold water, Miss Sarah had just got into it, when they were both + alarmed with the arrival of the other two. A glass partition enclosed the + room where the baths were, and Indian silk curtains, which drew on the + inside, screened those that were bathing. Miss Hobart’s chamber-maid had + only just time to draw these curtains, that the girl might not be seen to + lock the partition door, and to take away the key, before her mistress and + Miss Temple came in. + </p> + <p> + These two sat down on a couch placed along the partition, and Miss Sarah, + notwithstanding her alarms, had distinctly heard, and perfectly retained + the whole conversation. As the little girl was at all this trouble to make + herself clean, only on Lord Rochester’s account, as soon as ever she could + make her escape she regained her garret; where Rochester, having repaired + thither at the appointed hour, was fully informed of all that had passed + in the bathing room. He was astonished at the audacious temerity of + Hobart, in daring to put such a trick upon him; but, though he rightly + judged that love and jealousy were the real motives, he would not excuse + her. Little Sarah desired to know whether he had a real affection for Miss + Temple, as Miss Hobart said she supposed that was the case. “Can you doubt + it,” replied he, “since that oracle of sincerity has affirmed it? But then + you know that I am not now capable of profiting by my perfidy, were I even + to gain Miss Temple’s compliance, since my debauches and the + street-walkers have brought me to order.” + </p> + <p> + This answer made Miss Sarah very easy, for she concluded that the first + article was not true, since she knew from experience that the latter was + false. Lord Rochester was resolved that very evening to attend the + duchess’s court, to see what reception he would meet with after the fine + portrait Miss Hobart had been so kind as to draw of him. Miss Temple did + not fail to be there likewise, with the intention of looking on him with + the most contemptuous disdain possible, though she had taken care to dress + herself as well as she could. As she supposed that the lampoon Miss Hobart + had sung to her was in everybody’s possession, she was under great + embarrassment lest all those whom she met should think her such a monster + as Lord Rochester had described her. In the mean time, Miss Hobart, who + had not much confidence in her promises never more to speak to him, + narrowly watched her. Miss Temple never in her life appeared so handsome + every person complimented her upon it; but she received all the civilities + with such an air, that every one thought she was mad; for when they + commended her shape, her fresh complexion, and the brilliancy of her eyes: + “Pshaw,” said she, “it is very well known that I am but a monster, and + formed in no respect like other women: all is not gold that glisters; and + though I may receive some compliments in public, it signifies nothing.” + All Miss Hobart’s endeavours to stop her tongue were ineffectual; and + continuing to rail at herself ironically, the whole court was puzzled to + comprehend her meaning. + </p> + <p> + When Lord Rochester came in, she first blushed, then turned pale, made a + motion to go towards him, drew back again, pulled her gloves one after the + other up to the elbow; and after having three times violently flirted her + fan, she waited until he paid his compliments to her as usual, and as soon + as he began to bow, the fair one immediately turned her back upon him. + Rochester only smiled, and being resolved that her resentment should be + still more remarked, he turned round and posting himself face to face: + “Madam,” said he, “nothing can be so glorious as to look so charming as + you do, after such a fatiguing day: to support a ride of three long hours, + and Miss Hobart afterwards, without being tired, shows indeed a very + strong constitution.” + </p> + <p> + Miss Temple had naturally a tender look, but she was transported with such + a violent passion at his having the audacity to speak to her, that her + eyes appeared like two fireballs when she turned them upon him. Hobart + pinched her arm, as she perceived that this look was likely to be followed + by a torrent of reproaches and invectives. + </p> + <p> + Lord Rochester did not wait for them, and delaying until another + opportunity the acknowledgments he owed Miss Hobart, he quietly retired. + The latter, who could not imagine that he knew anything of their + conversation at the bath, was, however, much alarmed at what he had said; + but Miss Temple, almost choked with the reproaches with which she thought + herself able to confound him and which she had not time to give vent to, + vowed to ease her mind of them upon the first opportunity, notwithstanding + the promise she had made; but never more to speak to him afterwards. + </p> + <p> + Lord Rochester had a faithful spy near these nymphs: this was Miss Sarah, + who, by his advice, and with her aunt’s consent, was reconciled with Miss + Hobart, the more effectually to betray her: he was informed by this spy, + that Miss Hobart’s maid, being suspected of having listened to them in the + closet, had been turned away; that she had taken another, whom in all + probability, she would not keep long, because, in the first place, she was + ugly, and, in the second, she eat the sweetmeats that were prepared for + Miss Temple. Although this intelligence was not very material, Sarah was + nevertheless praised for her punctuality and attention; and a few days + afterwards she brought him news of real importance. + </p> + <p> + Rochester was by her informed, that Miss Hobart and her new favourite + designed, about nine o’clock in the evening to walk in the Mall, in the + Park; that they were to change clothes with each other, to put on scarfs, + and wear black-masks: she added, that Miss Hobart had strongly opposed + this project, but that she was obliged to give way at last, Miss Temple + having resolved to indulge her fancy. + </p> + <p> + Upon the strength of this intelligence, Rochester concerted his measures: + he went to Killegrew, complained to him of the trick which Miss Hobart had + played him, and desired his assistance in order to be revenged: this was + readily granted, and having acquainted him with the measures he intended + to pursue, and given him the part he was to act in this adventure, they + went to the Mall. + </p> + <p> + Presently after appeared our two nymphs in masquerade: their shapes were + not very different, and their faces, which were very unlike each other, + were concealed with their masks. The company was but thin in the Park; and + as soon as Miss Temple perceived them at a distance, she quickened her + pace in order to join them, with the design, under her disguise, severely + to reprimand the perfidious Rochester; when Miss Hobart stopping her: + “Where are you running to?” said she; “have you a mind to engage in + conversation with these two devils, to be exposed to all the insolence and + impertinence for which they are so notorious?” These remonstrances were + entirely useless: Miss Temple was resolved to try the experiment: and all + that could be obtained from her, was, not to answer any of the questions + Rochester might ask her. + </p> + <p> + They were accosted just as they had done speaking: Rochester fixed upon + Hobart, pretending to take her for the other; at which she was overjoyed; + but Miss Temple was extremely sorry she fell to Killegrew’s share, with + whom she had nothing to do: he perceived her uneasiness, and, pretending + to know her by her clothes: “Ah! Miss Hobart,” said he, “be so kind as + look this way if you please: I know not by what chance you both came + hither, but I am sure it is very apropos for you, since I have something + to say to you, as your friend and humble servant.” + </p> + <p> + This beginning raising her curiosity, Miss Temple appeared more inclined + to attend him; and Killegrew perceiving that the other couple had + insensibly proceeded some distance from them: “In the name of God,” said + he: “what do you mean by railing so against Lord Rochester, whom you know + to be one of the most honourable men at court, and whom you nevertheless + described as the greatest villain, to the person whom of all others he + esteems and respects the most? What do you think would become of you, if + he knew that you made Miss Temple believe she is the person alluded to in + a certain song, which you know as well as myself was made upon the clumsy + Miss Price, above a year before the fair Temple was heard of? Be not + surprised that I know so much of the matter; but pay a little attention, I + pray you, to what I am now going to tell you out of pure friendship: your + passion and inclinations for Miss Temple are known to every one but + herself; for whatever methods you used to impose upon her innocence, the + world does her the justice to believe that she would treat you as Lady + Falmouth did, if the poor girl knew the wicked designs you had upon her: I + caution you, therefore, against making any farther advances, to a person, + too modest to listen to them: I advise you likewise to take back your maid + again, in order to silence her scandalous tongue; for she says everywhere, + that she is with child, that you are the occasion of her being in that + condition, and accuses you of behaving towards her with the blackest + ingratitude, upon trifling suspicions only: you know very well, these are + no stories of my own invention; but that you may not entertain any manner + of doubt, that I had all this from her own mouth, she has told me your + conversation in the bathing-room, the characters you there drew of the + principal men at court, your artful malice in applying so improperly a + scandalous song to one of the loveliest women in all England; and in what + manner the innocent girl fell into the snare you had laid for her, in + order to do justice to her charms. But that which might be of the most + fatal consequences to you in that long conversation, is the revealing + certain secrets, which, in all probability, the duchess did not entrust + you with, to be imparted to the maids of honour: reflect upon this, and + neglect not to make some reparation to Sir Lyttleton, for the ridicule + with which you were pleased to load him. I know not whether he had his + information from your femme-de-chambre, but I am very certain that he has + sworn he will be revenged, and he is a man that keeps his word; for after + all, that you may not be deceived by his look, like that of a Stoic, and + his gravity, like that of a judge, I must acquaint you, that he is the + most passionate man living. Indeed, these invectives are of the blackest + and most horrible nature: he says it is most infamous, that a wretch like + yourself should find no other employment than to blacken the characters of + gentlemen, to gratify your jealousy; that if you do not desist from such + conduct for the future, he will immediately complain of you; and that if + her royal highness will not do him justice, he is determined to do himself + justice, and to run you through the body with his own sword, though you + were even in the arms of Miss Temple; and that it is most scandalous that + all the maids of honour should get into your hands before they can look + around them. + </p> + <p> + “These things, madam, I thought it my duty to acquaint you with: you are + better able to judge than myself, whether what I have now advanced be + true, and I leave it to your own discretion to make what use you think + proper of my advice; but were I in your situation, I would endeavour to + reconcile Lord Rochester and Miss Temple. Once more I recommend to you to + take care that your endeavours to mislead her innocency, in order to blast + his honour, may not come to his knowledge; and do not estrange from her a + man who tenderly loves her, and whose probity is so great, that he would + not even suffer his eyes to wander towards her, if his intention was not + to make her his wife.” + </p> + <p> + Miss Temple observed her promise most faithfully during this discourse: + she did not even utter a single syllable, being seized with such + astonishment and confusion, that she quite lost the use of her tongue. + </p> + <p> + Miss Hobart and Lord Rochester came up to her, while she was still in + amazement at the wonderful discoveries she had made; things in themselves, + in her opinion, almost incredible, but to the truth of which she could not + refuse her assent, upon examining the evidences and circumstances on which + they were founded. Never was confusion equal to that with which her whole + frame was seized by the foregoing recital. + </p> + <p> + Rochester and Killegrew took leave of them before she recovered from her + surprise; but as soon as she had regained the free use of her senses, she + hastened back to St. James, without answering a single question that the + other put to her; and having locked herself up in her chamber, the fast + thing she did, was immediately to strip off Miss Hobart’s clothes, lest + she should be contaminated by them; for after what she had been told + concerning her, she looked upon her as a monster, dreadful to the + innocence of the fair sex, of whatever sex she might be: she blushed at + the familiarities she had been drawn into with a creature, whose maid was + with child, though she never had been in any other service but hers: she + therefore returned her all her clothes, ordered her servant to bring back + all her own, and resolved never more to have any connection with her. Miss + Hobart, on the other hand, who supposed Killegrew had mistaken Miss Temple + for herself, could not comprehend what could induce her to give herself + such surprising airs, since that conversation; but being desirous to come + to an explanation, she ordered Miss Temple’s maid to remain in her + apartments, and went to call upon Miss Temple herself, instead of sending + back her clothes; and being desirous to give her some proof of friendship + before they entered upon expostulations, she slipt softly into her + chamber, when she was in the very act of changing her linen, and embraced + her. Miss Temple finding herself in her arms before she had taken notice + of her, everything that Killegrew had mentioned, appeared to her + imagination: she fancied that she saw in her looks the eagerness of a + satyr, or, if possible, of some monster still more odious; and disengaging + herself with the highest indignation from her arms, she began to shriek + and cry in the most terrible manner, calling both heaven and earth to her + assistance. + </p> + <p> + The first whom her cries raised were the governess and her niece. It was + near twelve o’clock at night: Miss Temple in her shift, almost frightened + to death, was pushing back with horror Miss Hobart, who approached her + with no other intent than to know the occasion of those transports. As + soon as the governess saw this scene, she began to lecture Miss Hobart + with all the eloquence of a real duenna: she demanded of her, whether she + thought it was for her that her royal highness kept the maids of honour? + whether she was not ashamed to come at such an unseasonable time of night + into their very apartments to commit such violences? and swore that she + would, the very next day, complain to the duchess. All this confirmed Miss + Temple in her mistaken notions: and Hobart was obliged to go away at last, + without being able to convince or bring to reason creatures, whom she + believed to be either distracted or mad. The next day Miss Sarah did not + fail to relate this adventure to her lover, telling him how Miss Temple’s + cries had alarmed the maids of honour’s apartment, and how herself and her + aunt, running to her assistance, had almost surprised Miss Hobart in the + very act. + </p> + <p> + Two days after, the whole adventure, with the addition of several + embellishments, was made public: the governess swore to the truth of it, + and related in every company what a narrow escape Miss Temple had + experienced, and that Miss Sarah, her niece, had preserved her honour, + because, by Lord Rochester’s excellent advice, she had forbidden her all + manner of connection with so dangerous a person. Miss Temple was + afterwards informed, that the song that had so greatly provoked her, + alluded to Miss Price only: this was confirmed to her by every person, + with additional execrations against Miss Hobart, for such a scandalous + imposition. Such great coldness after so much familiarity, made many + believe, that this adventure was not altogether a fiction. + </p> + <p> + This had been sufficient to have disgraced Miss Hobart at court, and to + have totally ruined her reputation in London, had she not been, upon the + present, as well as upon a former occasion, supported by the duchess: her + royal highness pretended to treat the whole story as romantic and + visionary, or as solely arising from private pique: she chid Miss Temple, + for her impertinent credulity: turned away the governess and her niece, + for the lies with which she pretended they supported the imposture; and + did many improper things in order to re-establish Miss Hobart’s honour, + which, however, she failed in accomplishing. She had her reasons for not + entirely abandoning her, as will appear in the sequel. + </p> + <p> + Miss Temple, who continually reproached herself with injustice, with + respect to Lord Rochester, and who, upon the faith of Killegrew’s word, + thought him the most Honourable man in England, was only solicitous to + find out some opportunity of easing her mind, by making him some + reparation for the rigour with which she had treated him: these favourable + dispositions, in the hands of a man of his character, might have led to + consequences of which she was not aware; but heaven did not allow him an + opportunity of profiting by them. + </p> + <p> + Ever since he had first appeared at court he seldom failed being banished + from it, at least once in the year; for whenever a word presented itself + to his pen, or to his tongue, he immediately committed it to paper, or + produced it in conversation, without any manner of regard to the + consequences the ministers, the mistresses, and even the king himself, + were frequently the subjects of his sarcasms; and had not the prince, whom + he thus treated, been possessed of one of the most forgiving and gentle + tempers, his first disgrace had certainly been his last. + </p> + <p> + Just at the time that Miss Temple was desirous of seeing him, in order to + apologize for the uneasiness which the infamous calumnies and black + aspersions of Miss Hobart had occasioned both of them, he was forbid the + court for the third time: he departed without having seen Miss Temple, + carried the disgraced governess down with him to his country seat, and + exerted all his endeavours to cultivate in her niece some dispositions + which she had for the stage; but though she did not make the same + improvement in this line, as she had by his other instructions, after he + had entertained both the niece and the aunt for some months in the + country, he got her entered in the king’s company of comedians the next + winter; and the public was obliged to him for the prettiest, but at the + same time, the worst actress in the kingdom. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Though no name is given to this lady, there are circumstances enough + mentioned to fix on the celebrated Mrs. Barry, as the person intended by + the author. Mrs. Barry was introduced to the stage by Lord Rochester, + with whom she had an intrigue, the fruit of which was a daughter, who + lived to the age of thirteen years, and is often mentioned in his + collection of love-letters, printed in his works, which were written to + Mrs. Barry. On her first theatrical attempts, so little hopes were + entertained of her, that she was, as Cibber declares, discharged the + company at the end of the first year, among others that were thought to + be a useless expense to it. She was well born; being daughter of Robert + Barry, Esq., barrister at law; a gentleman of an ancient family and good + estate, who hurt his fortune by his attachment to Charles I.; for whom + he raised a regiment at his own expense. Tony Aston, in his Supplement + to Cibber’s Apology, says, she was woman to lady Shelton of Norfolk, who + might have belonged to the court. Curl, however, says, she was early + taken under the patronage of Lady Davenant. Both these accounts may be + true. The time of her appearance on the stage was probably not much + earlier that 1671; in which year she performed in Tom Essence, and was, + it may be conjectured, about the age of nineteen. Curl mentions the + great pains taken by Lord Rochester in instructing her; which were + repaid by the rapid progress she daily made in her profession. She at + last eclipsed all her competitors, and in the part of Monimia + established her reputation. From her performance in this character, in + that of Belvidera, and of Isabella, in the Fatal Marriage, Downes says + she acquired the name of the famous Mrs. Barry, both at court and in the + city. “Mrs. Barry,” says Dryden, in his Preface to Cleomenes, “always + excellent, has in this tragedy excelled herself, and gained a reputation + beyond any woman I have ever seen on the theatre.” “In characters of + greatness,” says Cibber, “Mrs. Barry had a presence of elevated dignity; + her mien and motion superb, and gracefully majestic; her voice full, + clear, and strong; so that no violence of passion could be too much for + her; and when distress or tenderness possessed her, she subsided into + the most affecting melody and softness. In the art of exciting pity, she + had a power beyond all the actresses I have yet seen, or what your + imagination can conceive. In scenes of anger, defiance, or resentment, + while she was impetuous and terrible, she poured out the sentiment with + an enchanting harmony; and it was this particular excellence for which + Dryden made her the above-recited compliment, upon her acting Cassandra + in his Cleomenes. She was the first person whose merit was distinguished + by the indulgence of having an annual benefit play, which was granted to + her alone in King James’s time, and which did not become common to + others till the division of this company, after the death of King + William and Queen Mary.”] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + About this time Talbot returned from Ireland: he soon felt the absence of + Miss Hamilton, who was then in the country with a relation, whom we shall + mention hereafter. A remnant of his former tenderness still subsisted in + his heart, notwithstanding his absence, and the promises he had given the + Chevalier de Grammont at parting: he now therefore endeavoured to banish + her entirely from his thoughts, by fixing his desires upon some other + object; but he saw no one in the queen’s new court whom he thought worthy + of his attention: Miss Boynton, however, thought him worthy of hers. Her, + person was slender and delicate, to which a good complexion and large + motionless eyes gave at a distance an appearance of beauty, that vanished + upon nearer inspection: she affected to lisp, to languish, and to have two + or three fainting-fits a day. The first time that Talbot cast his eyes + upon her she was seized with one of these fits: he was told that she + swooned away upon his account: he believed it, was eager to afford her + assistance; and ever after that accident showed her some kindness, more + with the intention of saving her life, than to express any affection he + felt for her. This seeming tenderness was well received, and at first she + was visibly affected by it. Talbot was one of the tallest men in England, + and in all appearance one of the most robust; yet she showed sufficiently + that she was willing to expose the delicacy of her constitution, to + whatever might happen, in order to become his wife; which event perhaps + might then have taken place, as it did afterwards, had not the charms of + the fair Jennings at that time, proved an obstacle to her wishes. + </p> + <p> + I know not how it came to pass that he had not yet seen her; though he had + heard her much praised, and her prudence, wit, and vivacity equally + commended; he believed all this upon the faith of common report. He + thought it very singular that discretion and sprightliness should be so + intimately united in a person so young, more particularly in the midst of + a court where love and gallantry were so much in fashion; but he found her + personal accomplishments greatly to exceed whatever fame had reported of + them. + </p> + <p> + As it was not long before he perceived he was in love, neither was it long + before he made a declaration of it: as his passion was likely enough to be + real, Miss Jennings thought she might believe him, without exposing + herself to the imputation of vanity. Talbot was possessed of a fine and + brilliant exterior, his manners were noble and majestic: besides this, he + was particularly distinguished by the favour and friendship of the duke; + but his most essential merit, with her, was his forty thousand pounds + a-year, landed property, besides his employments. All these qualities came + within the rules and maxims she had resolved to follow with respect to + lovers: thus, though he had not the satisfaction to obtain from her an + entire declaration of her sentiments, he had at least the pleasure of + being better received than those who had paid their addresses to her + before him. + </p> + <p> + No person attempted to interrupt his happiness; and Miss Jennings, + perceiving that the duchess approved of Talbot’s pretensions; and after + having well weighed the matter, and consulted her own inclinations, found + that her reason was more favourable to him than her heart, and that the + most she could do for his satisfaction was to marry him without + reluctance. + </p> + <p> + Talbot, too fortunate in a preference which no man had before experienced, + did not examine whether it was to her heart or to her head that he was + indebted for it, and his thoughts were solely occupied in hastening the + accomplishment of his wishes: one would have sworn that the happy minute + was at hand; but love would no longer be love, if he did not delight in + obstructing, or in overturning the happiness of those who live under his + dominion. + </p> + <p> + Talbot, who found nothing reprehensible either in the person, in the + conversation, or in the reputation of Miss Jennings, was however rather + concerned at a now acquaintance she had lately formed; and having taken + upon him to give her some cautions upon this subject, she was much + displeased at his conduct. + </p> + <p> + Miss Price, formerly maid of honour, that had been set aside, as we have + before mentioned, upon her leaving the duchess’s service, had recourse to + Lady Castlemaine’s protection: she had a very entertaining wit: her + complaisance was adapted to all humours, and her own humour was possessed + of a fund of gaiety and sprightliness which diffused universal mirth and + merriment wherever she came. Her acquaintance with Miss Jennings was prior + to Talbot’s. + </p> + <p> + As she was thoroughly acquainted with all the intrigues of the court, she + related them without any manner of reserve to Miss Jennings, and her own + with the same frankness as the others: Miss Jennings was extremely well + pleased with her stories; for though she was determined to make no + experiment in love, but upon honourable terms, she however was desirous of + knowing from her recitals, all the different intrigues that were carrying + on: thus, as she was never wearied with her conversation, she was + overjoyed whenever she could see her. + </p> + <p> + Talbot, who remarked the extreme relish she had for Miss Price’s company, + thought that the reputation such a woman had in the world might prove + injurious to his mistress, more especially from the particular intimacy + there seemed to exist between them: whereupon, in the tone of a guardian + rather than a lover, he took upon him to chide her for the disreputable + company she kept. Miss Jennings was haughty beyond conception, when once + she took it into her head; and as she liked Miss Price’s conversation much + better than Talbot’s, she took the liberty of desiring him “to attend to + his own affairs, and that if he only came from Ireland to read lectures + about her conduct, he might take the trouble to go back as soon as he + pleased.” He was offended at a sally which he thought ill-timed, + considering the situation of affairs between them; and went out of her + presence more abruptly than became the respect due from a man greatly in + love. He for some time appeared offended; but perceiving that he gained + nothing by such conduct, he grew weary of acting that part, and assumed + that of an humble lover, in which he was equally unsuccessful; neither his + repentance nor submissions could produce any effect upon her, and the + mutinous little gipsy was still in her pouts when Jermyn returned to + court. + </p> + <p> + It was above a year since he had triumphed over the weakness of Lady + Castlemaine, and above two since the king had been weary of his triumphs: + his uncle, being vile of the first who perceived the king’s disgust, + obliged him to absent himself from court, at the very time that orders + were going to be issued for that purpose; for though the king’s affections + for Lady Castlemaine were now greatly diminished, yet he did not think it + consistent with his dignity that a mistress, whom he had honoured with + public distinction, and who still received a considerable support from + him, should appear chained to the car of the most ridiculous conqueror + that ever existed. His majesty had frequently expostulated with the + countess upon this subject: but his expostulations were never attended to; + it was in one of these differences that he, advising her rather to bestow + her favours upon Jacob Hall, the rope-dancer, who was able to return them, + than lavish away her money upon Jermyn to no purpose, since it would be + more honourable for her to pass for the mistress of the first, than for + the very humble servant of the other, she was not proof against his + raillery. The impetuosity of her temper broke forth like lightning: she + told him “that it very ill became him to throw out such reproaches against + one, who, of all the women in England, deserved them the least; that he + had never ceased quarrelling thus unjustly with her, ever since he had + betrayed his own mean low inclinations; that to gratify such a depraved + taste as his, he wanted only such silly things as Stewart, Wells, and that + pitiful strolling actress,—[Probably Nell Gwyn.]—whom he had + lately introduced into their society.” Floods of tears from rage, + generally attended these storms; after which, resuming the part of Medea, + the scene closed with menaces of tearing her children in pieces, and + setting his palace on fire. What course could he pursue with such an + outrageous fury, who, beautiful as she was, resembled Medea less than her + dragons, when she was thus enraged! + </p> + <p> + The indulgent monarch loved peace; and as he seldom contended for it on + these occasions without paying something to obtain it, he was obliged to + be at great expense, in order to reconcile this last rupture: as they + could not agree of themselves, and both parties equally complained, the + Chevalier de Grammont was chosen, by mutual consent, mediator of the + treaty. The grievances and pretensions on each side were communicated to + him, and what is very extraordinary, he managed so as to please them both. + Here follow the articles of peace, which they agreed to: + </p> + <p> + “That Lady Castlemaine should for ever abandon Jermyn; that as a proof of + her sincerity, and the reality of his disgrace, she should consent to his + being sent, for some time, into the country; that she should not rail any + more against Miss Wells, nor storm any more against Miss Stewart; and this + without any restraint on the king’s behaviour towards her that in + consideration of these condescensions, his majesty should immediately give + her the title of duchess, with all the honours and privileges thereunto + belonging, and an addition to her pension, in order to enable her to + support the dignity.” + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [The title of Duchess of Cleveland was conferred on her 3rd August, 22 + Charles II., 1670.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + As soon as this peace was proclaimed, the political critics, who, in all + nations, never fail to censure all state proceedings, pretended that the + mediator of this treaty, being every day at play with Lady Castlemaine, + and never losing, had, for his own sake, insisted a little too strongly + upon this last article. + </p> + <p> + Some days after, she was created Duchess of Cleveland, and little Jermyn + repaired to his country-seat: however, it was in his power to have + returned in a fortnight; for the Chevalier de Grammont, having procured + the king’s permission, carried it to the Earl of St. Alban’s: this revived + the good old man; but it was to little purpose he transmitted it to his + nephew; for whether he wished to make the London beauties deplore and + lament his absence, or whether he wished them to declaim against the + injustice of the age, or rail against the tyranny of the prince, he + continued above half a year in the country, setting up for a little + philosopher, under the eyes of the sportsmen in the neighbourhood, who + regarded him as an extraordinary instance of the caprice of fortune. He + thought the part he acted so glorious, that he would have continued there + much longer had he not heard of Miss Jennings: he did not, however, pay + much attention to what his friends wrote to him concerning her charms, + being persuaded he had seen equally as great in others: what was related + to him of her pride and resistance, appeared to him of far greater + consequence; and to subdue the last, he even looked upon as an action + worthy of his prowess; and quitting his retreat for this purpose, he + arrived in London at the time that Talbot, who was really in love, had + quarrelled, in his opinion, so unjustly with Miss Jennings. + </p> + <p> + She had heard Jermyn spoken of as a hero in affairs of love and gallantry. + Miss Price, in the recital of those of the Duchess of Cleveland, had often + mentioned him, without in any respect diminishing the insignificancy with + which fame insinuated he had conducted himself in those amorous + encounters: she nevertheless had the greatest curiosity to see a man, + whose entire person, she thought, must be a moving trophy, and monument of + the favours and freedoms of the fair sex. + </p> + <p> + Thus Jermyn arrived at the right time to satisfy her curiosity by his + presence; and though his brilliancy appeared a little tarnished by his + residence in the country; though his head was larger, and his legs more + slender than usual, yet the giddy girl thought she had never seen any man + so perfect; and yielding to her destiny, she fell in love with him, a + thousand times more unaccountably than all the others had done before her. + Everybody remarked this change of conduct in her with surprise; for they + expected something more from the delicacy of a person who, till this time, + had behaved with so much propriety in all her actions. + </p> + <p> + Jermyn was not in the least surprised at this conquest, though not a + little proud of it; for his heart had very soon as great a share in it as + his vanity. Talbot, who saw with amazement the rapidity of this triumph, + and the disgrace of his own defeat, was ready to die with jealousy and + spite; yet he thought it would be more to his credit to die than to vent + those passions unprofitably; and shielding himself under a feigned + indifference, he kept at a distance to view how far such an extravagant + prepossession would proceed. + </p> + <p> + In the mean time Jermyn quietly enjoyed the happiness of seeing the + inclinations of the prettiest and most extraordinary creature in England + declared in his favour. The duchess, who had taken her under her + protection ever since she had declined placing herself under that of the + duke, sounded Jermyn’s intentions towards her, and was satisfied with the + assurances she received from a man, whose probity infinitely exceeded his + merit in love: he therefore let all the court see that he was willing to + marry her, though, at the same time, he did not appear particularly + desirous of hastening the consummation. Every person now complimented Miss + Jennings upon having reduced to this situation the terror of husbands, and + the plague of lovers: the court was in full expectation of this miracle, + and Miss Jennings of a near approaching happy settlement: but in this + world one must have fortune in one’s favour, before one can calculate with + certainty upon happiness. + </p> + <p> + The king did not use to let Lord Rochester remain so long in exile: he + grew weary of it, and being displeased that he was forgotten, he posted up + to London to wait till it might be his majesty’s pleasure to recall him. + </p> + <p> + He first took up his habitation in the city, among the capital tradesmen + and rich merchants, where politeness indeed is not so much cultivated as + at court; but where pleasure, luxury, and abundance reign with less + confusion, and more sincerity. His first design was only to be initiated + into the mysteries of those fortunate and happy inhabitants: that is to + say, by changing his name and dress, to gain admittance to their feasts + and entertainments; and, as occasion offered, to those of their loving + spouses; as he was able to adapt himself to all capacities and humours, he + soon deeply insinuated himself into the esteem of the substantial wealthy + aldermen, and into he affections of their more delicate, magnificent, and + tender ladies: he made one in all their feasts, and at all their + assemblies; and, whilst in the company of the husbands, he declaimed + against the faults and mistakes of government, he joined their wives in + railing against the profligacy of the court ladies, and in inveighing + against the king’s mistresses: he agreed with them, that the industrious + poor were to pay for these cursed extravagances; that the city beauties + were not inferior to those of the other end of the town, and yet a sober + husband in this quarter of the town was satisfied with one wife; after + which, to out-do their murmurings, he said, that he wondered Whitehall was + not yet consumed by fire from heaven, since such rakes as Rochester, + Killegrew, and Sidney were suffered there, who had the impudence to assert + that all married men in the city were cuckolds, and all their wives + painted. This conduct endeared him so much to the cits, and made him so + welcome at their clubs, that at last he grew sick of their cramming and + endless invitations. + </p> + <p> + But, instead of approaching nearer the court, he retreated into one of the + most obscure corners of the city: where, again changing both his name and + his dress, in order to act a new part, he caused bills to be dispersed, + giving notice of “The recent arrival of a famous German doctor, who, by + long application and experience, had found out wonderful secrets, and + infallible remedies.” + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Bishop Burnet confirms this account.—“Being under an unlucky + accident, which obliged him to keep out of the way, he disguised himself + so, that his nearest friends could not have known him, and set up in + Tower Street for an Italian mountebank, where he practised physic for + some weeks, not without success. In his latter years he read books of + history more. He took pleasure to disguise himself as a porter, or as a + beggar; sometimes to follow some mean amours, which, for the variety of + them, he affected. At other times, merely for diversion, he would go + about in odd shapes; in which he acted his part so naturally, that even + those who were in the secret, and saw him in these shapes, could + perceive nothing by which he might be discovered.”—Burnet’s Life + of Rochester, ed. 1774, p. 14.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + His secrets consisted in knowing what was past, and foretelling what was + to come, by the assistance of astrology: and the virtue of his remedies + principally consisted in giving present relief to unfortunate young women + in all manner of diseases, and all kinds of accidents incident to the fair + sex, either from too unbounded charity to their neighbours, or too great + indulgence to themselves. + </p> + <p> + His first practice being confined to his neighbourhood, was not very + considerable; but his reputation soon extending to the other end of the + town, there presently flocked to him the women attending on the court, + next, the chamber-maids of ladies of quality, who, upon the wonders they + related concerning the German doctor, were soon followed by some of their + mistresses. + </p> + <p> + Among all the compositions of a ludicrous and satirical kind, there never + existed any that could be compared to those of Lord Rochester, either for + humour, fire, or wit; but, of all his works, the most ingenious and + entertaining is that which contains a detail of the intrigues and + adventures in which he was engaged while he professed medicine and + astrology in the suburbs of London. + </p> + <p> + The fair Jennings was very near getting a place in this collection; but + the adventure that prevented her from it, did not, however, conceal from + the public her intention of paying a visit to the German doctor. + </p> + <p> + The first chamber-maids that consulted him were only those of the maids of + honour; who had numberless questions to ask, and not a few doubts to be + resolved, both upon their own and their mistresses’ accounts. + Notwithstanding their disguise, he recognised some of them, particularly + Miss Temple’s and Miss Price’s maids, and her whom Miss Hobart had lately + discarded: these creatures all returned either filled with wonder and + amazement, or petrified with terror and fear. Miss Temple’s chamber-maid + deposed that he assured her she would have the small-pox, and her mistress + the great, within two months at farthest, if her aforesaid mistress did + not guard against a man in woman’s clothes. Miss Price’s woman affirmed + that, without knowing her, and only looking in her hand, he told her at + first sight that, according to the course of the stars, he perceived that + she was in the service of some good-natured lady, who had no other fault + than loving wine and men. In short, every one of them, struck with some + particular circumstance relating to their own private affairs, had either + alarmed or diverted their mistresses with the account, not failing, + according to custom, to embellish the truth, in order to enhance the + wonder. + </p> + <p> + Miss Price, relating these circumstances one day to her new friend, the + devil immediately tempted her to go in person, and see what sort of a + creature this new magician was. This enterprise was certainly very rash; + but nothing was too rash for Miss Jennings, who was of opinion that a + woman might despise appearances, provided she was in reality virtuous. + Miss Price was all compliance, and thus having fixed upon this glorious + resolution, they only thought of the proper means of putting it into + execution. + </p> + <p> + It was very difficult for Miss Jennings to disguise herself, on account of + her excessive fair and bright complexion, and of something particular in + her air and manner: however, after having well considered the matter the + best disguise they could think of was to dress themselves like orange + girls. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [These frolics appear to have been not unfrequent with persons of high + rank at this period. In a letter from Mr. Henshaw to Sir Robert Paston, + afterwards Earl of Yarmouth, dated October 13, 1670, we have the + following account: “Last week, there being a faire neare Audley-end, the + queen, the Dutchess of Richmond, and the Dutchess of Buckingham, had a + frolick to disguise themselves like country lasses, to red petticoats, + wastcotes, &c., and so goe see the faire. Sir Barnard Gascoign, on a + cart jade, rode before the queen; another stranger before the Dutchess + of Buckingham; and Mr. Roper before Richmond. They had all so overdone + it in their disguise, and looked so much more like antiques than country + volk, that, as soon as they came to the faire, the people began to goe + after them; but the queen going to a booth, to buy a pair of yellow + stockings for her sweet hart, and Sir Bernard asking for a pair of + gloves sticht with blew, for his sweet hart, they were soon, by their + gebrish, found to be strangers, which drew a bigger flock about them. + One amongst them had seen the queen at dinner, knew her, and was proud + of her knowledge. This soon brought all the faire into a crowd to stare + at the queen. Being thus discovered, they, as soon as they could, got to + their horses; but as many of the faire as had horses got up, with their + wives, children, sweet harts, or neighbours, behind them, to get as much + gape as they could, till they brought them to the court gate. Thus, by + ill conduct, was a merry frolick turned into a penance.”—I’ve’s + Select Papers, p. 39. Bishop Burnet says, “at this time, (1668) the + court fell into much extravagance in masquerading: both the king and + queen, all the court, went about masked, and came into houses unknown, + and danced there, with a great deal of wild frolic. In all this people + were so disguised, that, without being in the secret, none could + distinguish them. They were carried about in hackney chairs. Once the + queen’s chairmen, not knowing who she was, went from her. So she was + alone, and was much disturbed, and came to Whitehall in a hackney coach; + some say in a cart.”—Burnet’s History, vol. i., p. 368.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + This was no sooner resolved upon, but it was put in execution they attired + themselves alike, and, taking each a basket of oranges under their arms, + they embarked in a hackney coach, and committed themselves to fortune, + without any other escort than their own caprice and indiscretion. + </p> + <p> + The duchess was gone to the play with her sister: Miss Jennings had + excused herself under pretence of indisposition she was overjoyed at the + happy commencement of their adventure; for they had disguised themselves, + had crossed the Park, and taken their hackney coach at Whitehall gate, + without the least accident. They mutually congratulated each other upon + it, and Miss Price, taking a beginning so prosperous as a good omen of + their success, asked her companion what they were to do at the + fortune-teller’s, and what they should propose to him. + </p> + <p> + Miss Jennings told her that, for her part, curiosity was her principal + inducement for going thither; that, however, she was resolved to ask him, + without naming any person, why a man, who was in love with a handsome + young lady, was not urgent to marry her, since this was in his power to + do, and by so doing he would have an opportunity of gratifying his + desires. Miss Price told her, smiling, that, without going to the + astrologer, nothing was more easy than to explain the enigma, as she + herself had almost given her a solution of it in the narrative of the + Duchess of Cleveland’s adventures. + </p> + <p> + Having by this time nearly arrived at the playhouse, Miss Price, after a + moment’s reflection, said, that since fortune favoured them, a fair + opportunity was now offered to signalize their courage, which was to go + and sell oranges in the very playhouse, in the sight of the duchess and + the whole court. The proposal being worthy of the sentiments of the one, + and of the vivacity of the other, they immediately alighted, paid off + their hack, and, running through the midst of an immense number of + coaches, with great difficulty they reached the playhouse door. Sidney, + more handsome than the beautiful Adonis, and dressed more gay than usual, + alighted just then from his coach: Miss Price went boldly up to him, as he + was adjusting his curls; but he was too much occupied with his own dear + self to attend to anything else, and so passed on without deigning to give + her an answer. Killegrew came next, and the fair Jennings, partly + encouraged by the other’s pertness, advanced towards him, and offered him + her basket, whilst Price, more used to the language, desired him to buy + her fine oranges. “Not now,” said he, looking at them with attention; “but + if thou wilt to-morrow morning bring this young girl to my lodgings, I + will make it worth all the oranges in London to thee” and while he thus + spoke to the one he chucked the other under the chin, examining her bosom. + These familiarities making little Jennings forget the part she was acting, + after having pushed him away with all the violence she was able, she told + him with indignation that it was very insolent to dare—“Ha! ha!” + said he, “here’s a rarity indeed! a young w——, who, the better + to sell her goods, sets up for virtue, and pretends innocence!” + </p> + <p> + Price immediately perceived that nothing could be gained by continuing any + longer in so dangerous a place; and, taking her companion under the arm, + she dragged her away, while she was still in emotion at the insult that + had been offered to her. + </p> + <p> + Miss Jennings, resolving to sell no more oranges on these terms, was + tempted to return, without accomplishing the other adventure; but Price + having represented to her the disgrace of such cowardly behaviour, more + particularly after having before manifested so much resolution, she + consented to go and pay the astrologer a short visit, so as they might be + enabled to regain the palace before the play was ended. + </p> + <p> + They had one of the doctor’s bills for a direction, but there was no + occasion for it; for the driver of the coach they had taken told them he + knew very well the place they wanted, for he had already carried above an + hundred persons to the German doctor’s: they were within half a street of + his house, when fortune thought proper to play them a trick. + </p> + <p> + Brounker had dined by chance with a merchant in that part of the city, and + just as he was going away they ordered their coach to stop, as ill-luck + would have it, just opposite to him. Two orange girls in a hackney coach, + one of whom appeared to have a very pretty face, immediately drew his + attention; besides, he had a natural curiosity for such objects. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Gentleman of the chamber to the Duke of York, and brother to Lord + Viscount Brounker, president of the royal society. Lord Clarendon + imputes to him the cause of the great sea-fight, in 1665, not being so + well improved as it might have been, and adds, “nor did the duke come to + hear of it till some years after, when Mr. Brounker’s ill course of + life, and his abominable nature, had rendered him so odious, that it was + taken notice of in parliament, and, upon examination, found to be true, + as is here related; upon which he was expelled the house of commons, + whereof he was a; member, as an infamous person, though his friend + Coventry adhered to him, and used many indirect acts to have protected + him, and afterwards procured him to have more countenance from the king + than most men thought he deserved; being a person, throughout his whole + life, never notorious for anything but the highest degree of impudence, + and stooping to the most infamous offices, and playing very well at + chess, which preferred him more than the most virtuous qualities could + have done.”—Continuation of Clarendon’s Life, p. 270.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + Of all the men at court, he had the least regard for the fair sex, and the + least attention to their reputation: he was not young, nor was his person + agreeable; however, with a great deal of wit he had a violent passion for + women. He did himself justice respecting his own merit; and, being + persuaded that he could only succeed with those who were desirous of + having his money, he was at open war with all the rest. He had a little + country-house four or five miles from London always well stocked with + girls: in other respects he was a very honest man, and the best + chess-player in England. + </p> + <p> + Price, alarmed at being thus closely examined by the most dangerous enemy + they could encounter, turned her head the other way, bid her companion do + the same, and told the coachman to drive on. Brounker followed them + unperceived on foot; and the coach having stopped twenty or thirty yards + farther up the street, they alighted. He was just behind them, and formed + the same judgment of them which a man much more charitable to the sex must + unavoidably have done, concluding that Miss Jennings was a young courtesan + upon the look-out, and that Miss Price was the mother-abbess. He was, + however, surprised to see them have much better shoes and stockings than + women of that rank generally wear, and that the little orange girl, in + getting out of a very high coach, showed one of the handsomest legs he had + ever seen: but as all this was no obstruction to his designs, he resolved + to purchase her at any rate, in order to place her in his seraglio. + </p> + <p> + He came up to them, as they were giving their baskets in guard to the + coachman, with orders to wait for them exactly in that place. Brounker + immediately pushed in between them: as soon as they saw him, they gave + themselves up for lost; but he, without taking the least notice of their + surprise, took Price aside with one hand, and his purse with the other, + and began immediately to enter upon business, but was astonished to + perceive that she turned away her face, without either answering or + looking at him: As this conduct appeared to him unnatural, he stared her + full in the face, notwithstanding all her endeavours to prevent him: he + did the same to the other: and immediately recognised them, but determined + to conceal his discovery. + </p> + <p> + The old fox possessed a wonderful command of temper on such occasions, and + having teazed them a little longer to remove all suspicions he quitted + them, telling Price; “That she was a great fool to refuse his offers, and + that her girl would not, perhaps, get so much in a year, as she might with + him in one day; that the times were greatly changed, since the queen’s and + the duchess’s maids of honour forestalled the market, and were to be had + cheaper than the town ladies.” Upon this he went back to his coach, whilst + they blessed themselves, returning heaven their most hearty thanks for + having escaped this danger without being discovered. + </p> + <p> + Brounker, on the other hand, would not have taken a thousand guineas for + this rencounter: he blessed the Lord that he had not alarmed them to such + a degree as to frustrate their intention; for he made no doubt but Miss + Price had managed some intrigue for Miss Jennings: he therefore + immediately concluded, that at present it would be improper to make known + his discovery, which would have answered no other end but to have + overwhelmed them with confusion. + </p> + <p> + Upon this account, although Jermyn was one of his best friends, he felt a + secret joy in not having prevented his being made a cuckold, before his + marriage; and the apprehension he was in of preserving him from that + accident, was his sole reason for quitting them with the precautions + aforementioned. + </p> + <p> + Whilst they were under these alarms, their coachman was engaged in a + squabble with some blackguard boys, who had gathered round his coach in + order to steal the oranges: from words they came to blows: the two nymphs + saw the commencement of the fray as they were returning to the coach, + after having abandoned the design of going to the fortuneteller’s. Their + coachman being a man of spirit, it was with great difficulty they could + persuade him to leave their oranges to the mob, that they might get off + without any further disturbance: having thus regained their hack, after a + thousand frights, and after having received an abundant share of the most + low and infamous abuse applied to them during the fracas, they at length + reached St. James’s, vowing never more to go after fortune-tellers, + through so many dangers, terrors, and alarms, as they had lately + undergone. + </p> + <p> + Brounker, who, from the indifferent opinion he entertained of the fair + sex, would have staked his life that Miss Jennings did not return from + this expedition in the same condition she went, kept his thoughts, + however, a profound secret; since it would have afforded him the highest + satisfaction to have seen the all-fortunate Jermyn marry a little + street-walker, who pretended to pass for a pattern of chastity, that he + might, the day after his marriage, congratulate him upon his virtuous + spouse; but heaven was not disposed to afford him that satisfaction, as + will appear in the sequel of these memoirs. + </p> + <p> + Miss Hamilton was in the country, as we before mentioned, at a relation’s: + the Chevalier de Grammont bore this short absence of hers with great + uneasiness, since she would not allow him permission to visit her there, + upon any pretence whatever; but play, which was favourable to him, was no + small relief to his extreme impatience. + </p> + <p> + Miss Hamilton, however, at last returned. Mrs. Wetenhall (for that was the + name of her relation) would by all means wait upon her to London, in + appearance out of politeness; for ceremony, carried beyond all bearing, is + the grand characteristic of country gentry: yet this mark of civility was + only a pretence, to obtain a peevish husband’s consent to his wife’s + journey to town. Perhaps he would have done himself the honour of + conducting Miss Hamilton up to London, had he not been employed in writing + some remarks upon the ecclesiastical history, a work in which he had long + been engaged: the ladies were more civil than to interrupt him in his + undertaking, and besides, it would entirely have disconcerted all Mrs. + Wetenhall’s schemes. + </p> + <p> + This lady was what may be properly called a beauty, entirely English, made + up of lilies and roses, of snow and milk, as to colour; and of wax, with + respect to the arms, hands, neck, and feet, but all this without either + animation or air; her face was uncommonly pretty; but there was no + variety, no change of countenance in it: one would have thought she took + it in the morning out of a case, in order to put it up again at night, + without using it in the smallest degree in the daytime. What can I say of + her! nature had formed her a baby from her infancy, and a baby remained + till death the fair Mrs. Wetenhall. Her husband had been destined for the + church; but his elder brother dying just at the time he had gone through + his studies of divinity, instead of taking orders, he came to England, and + took to wife Miss Bedingfield, the lady of whom we are now speaking. + </p> + <p> + His person was not disagreeable, but he had a serious contemplative air, + very apt to occasion disgust: as for the rest, she might boast of having + one of the greatest theologists in the kingdom for her husband: he was all + day poring over his books, and went to bed soon, in order to rise early; + so that his wife found him snoring when she came to bed, and when he arose + he left her there sound asleep: his conversation at table would have been + very brisk, if Mrs. Wetenhall had been as great a proficient in divinity, + or as great a lover of controversy, as he was; but being neither learned + in the former, nor desirous of the latter, silence reigned at their table, + as absolutely as at a refectory. + </p> + <p> + She had often expressed a great desire to see London; but though they were + only distant a very short day’s journey from it, she had never been able + to satisfy her curiosity: it was not therefore without reason, that she + grew weary of the life she was forced to lead at Peckham. The melancholy + retired situation of the place was to her insupportable; and as she had + the folly, incident to many other women, of believing sterility to be a + kind of reproach, she was very much hurt to see that she might fall under + that suspicion; for she was persuaded, that although heaven had denied her + children, she nevertheless had all the necessary requisites on her part, + if it had been the will of the Lord. This had occasioned her to make some + reflections, and then to reason upon those reflections; as for instance, + that since her husband chose rather to devote himself to his studies, than + to the duties of matrimony, to turn over musty old books, rather than + attend to the attractions of beauty, and to gratify his own pleasures, + rather than those of his wife, it might be permitted her to relieve some + necessitous lover, in neighbourly charity, provided she could do it + conscientiously, and to direct her inclinations in so just a, manner, that + the evil spirit should have no concern in it. Mr. Wetenhall, a zealous + partisan for the doctrine of the casuists, would not perhaps have approved + of these decisions; but he was not consulted. + </p> + <p> + The greatest misfortune was, that neither solitary Peckham nor its sterile + neighbourhood, presented any expedients, either for the execution of the + afore-mentioned design, or for the relief of poor Mrs. Wetenhall: she was + visibly pining away, when, through fear of dying either with solitude or + of want, she had recourse to Miss Hamilton’s commiseration. + </p> + <p> + Their first acquaintance was formed at Paris, whither Mr. Wetenhall had + taken his wife half a year after they were married, on a journey thither + to buy books: Miss Hamilton, who from that very time greatly pitied her, + consented to pass some time in the country with her, in hopes by that + visit to deliver her, for a short time at least, out of her captivity; + which project succeeded according to her wish. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont, being informed of the day on which they were to + arrive, borne on the wings of love and impatience, had engaged George + Hamilton to go with him, and meet them some miles out of London. The + equipage he had prepared for the purpose, corresponded with his usual + magnificence; and on such an occasion, we may reasonably suppose he had + not neglected his person: however, with all his impatience, he checked the + ardour of the coachman, through fear of accidents, rightly judging that + upon a road prudence is preferable to eagerness. The ladies at length + appeared, and Miss Hamilton, being in his eyes, ten or twelve times more + handsome than before her departure from London, he would have purchased + with his life so kind a reception as she gave her brother. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Wetenhall had her share of the praises, which at this interview were + liberally bestowed upon her beauty, for which her beauty was very thankful + to those who did it so much honour; and as Hamilton regarded her with a + tender attention, she regarded Hamilton as a man very well qualified for + putting in execution the little projects she had concerted with her + conscience. + </p> + <p> + As soon as she was in London, her head was almost turned, through an + excess of contentment and felicity: everything appeared like enchantment + to her in this superb city; more particularly, as in Paris she had never + seen anything farther than the Rue Saint Jacques, and a few booksellers’ + shops. Miss Hamilton entertained her at her own house, and she was + presented, admired, and well received at both courts. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont, whose gallantry and magnificence were + inexhaustible, taking occasion, from this fair stranger’s arrival, to + exhibit his grandeur, nothing was to be seen but balls, concerts, plays, + excursions by land and by water, splendid collations and sumptuous + entertainments: Mrs. Wetenhall was transported with pleasures, of which + the greatest part were entirely new to her; she was greatly delighted with + all, except now and then at a play, when tragedy was acted, which she + confessed she thought rather wearisome: she agreed, however, that the show + was very interesting, when there were many people killed upon the stage, + but thought the players were very fine handsome fellows, who were much + better alive than dead. + </p> + <p> + Hamilton, upon the whole, was pretty well treated by her, if a man in + love, who is never satisfied until the completion of his wishes, could + confine himself within the bounds of moderation and reason: he used all + his endeavours to determine her to put in execution the projects she had + formed at Peckham: Mrs. Wetenhall, on the other hand, was much pleased + with him. This is the Hamilton who served in the French army with + distinction; he was both agreeable and handsome. All imaginable + opportunities conspired to favour the establishment of an intimacy, whose + commencement had been so brisk, that in all probability it would not + languish for a conclusion; but the more he pressed her to it, the more her + resolution began to fail, and regard for some scruples, which she had not + well weighed, kept her in suspense: there was reason to believe that a + little perseverance would have removed these obstacles; yet this at the + present time was not attempted. Hamilton, not able to conceive what could + prevent her from completing his happiness, since in his opinion the first + and greatest difficulties of an amour were already overcome, with respect + to the public, resolved to abandon her to her irresolutions, instead of + endeavouring to conquer them by a more vigorous attack. It was not + consistent with reason, to desist from an enterprise, where so many + prospects of success presented themselves, for such inconsiderable + obstacles; but he suffered himself to be intoxicated with chimeras and + visions, which unseasonably cooled the vigour of his pursuit, and led him + astray in another unprofitable undertaking. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [I apprehend he is the same George Hamilton already described, who + married Miss Jennings, and not the author of this work, as Lord Orford + supposes. In a letter from Arlington to Sir William Godolphin, dated + September 7, 1671, it is said, “the Conde de Molina complains to us of + certain levies Sir George Hamilton hath made in Ireland. The king hath + always told him he had no express license for it; and I have told the + Conde he must not find it strange that a gentleman who had been bred the + king’s page abroad, and losing his employment at home, for being a Roman + Catholic, should have some more than ordinary connivance towards the + making his fortune abroad by the countenance of his friends and + relations in Ireland: and yet take the matter in the worst sense he + could give, it would not amount to the breach of any article betwixt the + king my master and the court of Spain.”—Arlington’s letters, vol. + ii., p. 332. In a letter from the same nobleman to Lord Sandwich, + written about October, 1667, we find the cause of Sir George Hamilton’s + entering into the French service “Concerning the reformadoes of the + guards of horse, his majesty thought fit, the other day, to have them + dismissed, according to his promise, made to the parliament at the last + session. Mr. Hamilton had a secret overture made him, that he, with + those men, should be welcome into the French service; his majesty, at + their dismissal, having declared they should have leave to go abroad + whither they pleased.” They accepted of Mr. Hamilton’s offer to carry + them into France. “Arlington’s Letters,” vol. i., p. 185. Lodge, in his + Peerage of Ireland, says, Sir George Hamilton died in 1667, which, from + the first extract above, appears to be erroneous. He has evidently + confounded the father and son; the former of whom was the person who + died in 1667.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + I know not whether poor Wetenhall took the blame upon herself; but it is + certain, she was extremely mortified upon it. Soon after being obliged to + return to her cabbages and turkeys at Peckham, she had almost gone + distracted: that residence appeared a thousand times more dreadful to her, + since she had been initiated into the amusements of London; but as the + queen was to set out within a month for Tunbridge Wells, she was obliged + to yield to necessity, and return to the philosopher, Wetenhall, with the + consolation of having engaged Miss Hamilton to come and live at her house, + which was within ten or twelve miles of Tunbridge, as long as the court + remained there. + </p> + <p> + Miss Hamilton promised not to abandon her in her retirement, and further + engaged to bring the Chevalier de Grammont along with her, whose humour + and conversation extremely delighted her. The Chevalier de Grammont, who + on all occasions started agreeable raillery, engaged on his part to bring + George Hamilton, which words overwhelmed her with blushes. The court set + out soon after to pass about two months in the place of all Europe the + most rural and simple, and yet, at the same time, the most entertaining + and agreeable. Tunbridge is the same distance from London, that + Fontainebleau is from Paris, and is, at the season, the general rendezvous + of all the gay and handsome of both sexes. The company, though always + numerous, is always select: since those who repair thither for diversion, + ever exceed the number of those who go thither for health. Everything + there breathes mirth and pleasure: constraint is banished, familiarity is + established upon the first acquaintance, and joy and pleasure are the sole + sovereigns of the place. + </p> + <p> + The company are accommodated with lodgings in little, clean, and + convenient habitations, that lie straggling and separated from each other, + a mile and a half all round the Wells, where the company meet in the + morning: this place consists of a long walk, shaded by spreading trees, + under which they walk while they are drinking the waters: on one side of + this walk is a long row of shops, plentifully stocked with all manner of + toys, lace, gloves, stockings, and where there is raffling, as at Paris, + in the Foire de Saint Germain: on the other side of the walk is the + market; and, as it is the custom here for every person to buy their own + provisions, care is taken that nothing offensive appears on the stalls. + Here young, fair, fresh-coloured country girls, with clean linen, small + straw hats, and neat shoes and stockings, sell game, vegetables, flowers + and fruit: here one may live as one pleases: here is, likewise, deep play, + and no want of amorous intrigues. As soon as the evening comes, every one + quits his little palace to assemble at the bowling-green, where, in the + open air, those who choose, dance upon a turf more soft and smooth than + the finest carpet in the world. + </p> + <p> + Lord Muskerry had, within two or three short miles of Tunbridge, a very + handsome seat called Summer-hill: Miss Hamilton, after having spent eight + or ten days at Peckham, could not excuse herself from passing the + remainder of the season at his house; and, having obtained leave of Mr. + Wetenhall, that his lady should accompany her, they left the melancholy + residence of Peckham, and its tiresome master, and fixed their little + court at Summer-hill. + </p> + <p> + They went every day to court, or the court came to them. The queen even + surpassed her usual attentions in inventing and supporting entertainments: + she endeavoured to increase the natural ease and freedom of Tunbridge, by + dispensing with, rather than requiring, those ceremonies that were due to + her presence; and, confining in the bottom of her heart that grief and + uneasiness she could not overcome, she saw Miss Stewart triumphantly + possess the affections of the king without manifesting the least + uneasiness. + </p> + <p> + Never did love see his empire in a more flourishing condition than on this + spot: those who were smitten before they came to it, felt a mighty + augmentation of their flame; and those who seemed the least susceptible of + love, laid aside their natural ferocity, to act in a new character. For + the truth of the latter, we shall only relate the change which soon + appeared in the conduct of Prince Rupert. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Lord Orford’s contrast to this character of Prince Rupert is too just + to be here omitted. “Born with the taste of an uncle whom his sword was + not fortunate in defending, Prince Rupert was fond of those sciences + which soften and adorn a hero’s private hours, and knew how to mix them + with his minutes of amusement, without dedicating his life to their + pursuit, like us, who, wanting capacity for momentous views, make + serious study of what is only the transitory occupation of a genius. Had + the court of the first Charles been peaceful, how agreeably had the + prince’s congenial propensity flattered and confirmed the inclination of + his uncle! How the muse of arts would have repaid the patronage of the + monarch, when, for his first artist, she would have presented him with + his nephew! How different a figure did the same prince make in a reign + of dissimilar complexion! The philosophic warrior, who could relax + himself into the ornament of a refined court, was thought a savage + mechanic, when courtiers were only voluptuous wits. Let me transcribe a + picture of Prince Rupert, drawn by a man who was far from having the + least portion of wit in that age, who was superior to its indelicacy, + and who yet was so overborne by its prejudices, that he had the + complaisance to ridicule virtue, merit, talents. —But Prince + Rupert, alas! was an awkward lover!” Lord Orford here inserts the + character in the text, and then adds, “What pity that we, who wish to + transmit this prince’s resemblance to posterity on a fairer canvas, have + none of these inimitable colours to efface the harsher likeness! We can + but oppose facts to wit, truth to satire. —How unequal the + pencils! yet what these lines cannot do they may suggest: they may + induce the reader to reflect, that if the prince was defective in the + transient varnish of a court, he at least was adorned by the arts with + that polish which alone can make a court attract the attention of + subsequent ages.”—Catalogue of Engravers, p 135, 8vo ed.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + He was brave and courageous, even to rashness; but cross-grained and + incorrigibly obstinate: his genius was fertile in mathematical + experiments, and he possessed some knowledge of chemistry: he was polite + even to excess, unseasonably; but haughty, and even brutal, when he ought + to have been gentle and courteous: he was tall, and his manners were + ungracious: he had a dry hard-favoured visage, and a stern look, even when + he wished to please; but, when he was out of humour, he was the true + picture of reproof. + </p> + <p> + The queen had sent for the players, either that there might be no + intermission in the diversions of the place, or, perhaps, to retort upon + Miss Stewart, by the presence of Nell Gwyn, part of the uneasiness she + felt from hers. Prince Rupert found charms in the person of another player + called Hughes, who brought down and greatly subdued his natural + fierceness. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Mrs. Hughes was one of the actresses belonging to the king’s company, + and one of the earliest female performers. According to Downs, she + commenced her theatrical career after the opening of Drury lane theatre, + in 1663. She appears to have been the first female representative of + Desdemona. By Prince Rupert she had a daughter, named Ruperta, married + to Lieutenant-general Howe, who survived her husband many years, dying + at Somerset house, about the year 1740.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + From this time, adieu alembics, crucibles, furnaces, and all the black + furniture of the forges: a complete farewell to all mathematical + instruments and chemical speculations: sweet powder and essences were now + the only ingredients that occupied any share of his attention. The + impertinent gipsy chose to be attacked in form; and proudly refusing + money, that, in the end she might sell her favours at a dearer rate, she + caused the poor prince to act a part so unnatural, that he no longer + appeared like the same person. The king was greatly pleased with this + event, for which great rejoicings were made at Tunbridge; but nobody was + bold enough to make it the subject of satire, though the same constraint + was not observed with other ridiculous personages. + </p> + <p> + There was dancing every day at the queen’s apartments, because the + physicians recommended it, and no person thought it amiss: for even those + who cared least for it, chose that exercise to digest the waters rather + than walking. Lord Muskerry thought himself secure against his lady’s rage + for dancing; for, although he was ashamed of it, the princess of Babylon + was, by the grace of God, six or seven months advanced in pregnancy; and, + to complete her misfortune, the child had fallen all on one side, so that + even Euclid would have been puzzled to say what her figure was. The + disconsolate lady, seeing Miss Hamilton and Mrs. Wetenhall set out every + morning, sometimes on horseback and sometimes in a coach, but ever + attended by a gallant troop to conduct them to court, and to convey them + back, she fancied a thousand times more delights at Tunbridge than in + reality there were, and she did not cease in her imagination, to dance + over at Summer-hill all the country dances which she thought had been + danced at Tunbridge. She could no longer support the racking torments + which disturbed her mind, when relenting heaven, out of pity to her pains + and sufferings, caused Lord Muskerry to repair to London, and kept him + there two whole days: as soon as ever he had turned his back, the + Babylonian princess declared her resolution to make a trip to court. + </p> + <p> + She had a domestic chaplain who did not want sense, and Lord Muskerry, for + fear of accidents, had recommended her to the wholesome counsels and good + prayers of this prudent divine; but in vain were all his preachings and + exhortations to stay at home; in vain did he set before her eyes her + husband’s commands, and the dangers to which she would expose herself in + her present condition; he likewise added that her pregnancy, being a + particular blessing from heaven, she ought therefore to be so much the + more careful for its preservation, since it cost her husband, perhaps, + more trouble than she was aware of, to obtain it. These remonstrances were + altogether ineffectual: Miss Hamilton and her cousin Wetenhall, having the + complaisance to confirm her in her resolution, they assisted in dressing + her the next morning, and set out along with her all their skill and + dexterity were requisite to reduce her shape into some kind of symmetry; + but, having at last pinned a small cushion under her petticoat on the + right side, to counteract the untoward appearance the little infant + occasioned by throwing itself on the left, they almost split their sides + with laughter, assuring her at the same time that she looked perfectly + charming. + </p> + <p> + As soon as she appeared, it was generally believed that she had dressed + herself in a farthingale, in order to make her court to the queen; but + every person was pleased at her arrival: those who were unacquainted with + the circumstances assured her in earnest that she was pregnant with twins; + and the queen, who envied her condition, notwithstanding the ridiculous + appearance she then made, being made acquainted with the motive of her + journey, was determined to gratify her inclinations. + </p> + <p> + As soon as the hour for country dances arrived, her cousin Hamilton was + appointed her partner: she made some faint excuses at first on account of + the inconvenient situation she was then in: but soon suffered them to be + overcome, in order, as she said, to show her duty to the queen; and never + did a woman in this world enjoy such complete satisfaction. + </p> + <p> + We have already observed, that the greatest prosperity is liable to the + greatest change: Lady Muskerry, trussed up as she was, seemed to feel no + manner of uneasiness from the motion in dancing; on the contrary, being + only apprehensive of the presence of her husband, which would have + destroyed all her happiness, she danced with uncommon briskness, lest her + ill stars should bring him back before she had fully satisfied herself + with it. In the midst, therefore, of her capering in this indiscreet + manner, her cushion came loose, without her perceiving it, and fell to the + ground in the very middle of the first round. The Duke of Buckingham, who + watched her, took it up instantly, wrapped it up in his coat, and, + mimicking the cries of a new-born infant, he went about inquiring for a + nurse for the young Muskerry among the maids of honour. + </p> + <p> + This buffoonery, joined to the strange figure of the poor lady, had almost + thrown Miss Stewart into hysterics; for the princess of Babylon, after + this accident, was quite flat on one side, and immoderately protuberant on + the other. All those who had before suppressed their inclinations to + laugh, now gave themselves free scope, when they saw that Miss Stewart was + ready to split her sides. The poor lady was greatly disconcerted: every + person was officious to console her; but the queen, who inwardly laughed + more heartily than any, pretended to disapprove of their taking such + liberties. + </p> + <p> + Whilst Miss Hamilton and Mrs. Wetenhall endeavoured to refit Lady Muskerry + in another room, the Duke of Buckingham told the king that, if the + physicians would permit a little exercise immediately after a delivery, + the best way to recover Lady Muskerry was to renew the dance as soon as + ever her infant was replaced; this advice was approved, and accordingly + put in execution. The queen proposed, as soon as she appeared, a second + round of country-dances; and Lady Muskerry accepting the offer, the remedy + had its desired effect, and entirely removed every remembrance of her late + mishap. + </p> + <p> + Whilst these things were passing at the king’s court, that of the Duke of + York took a journey on the other side of London; the pretence of this + journey was to visit the county whose name he bore; but love was the real + motive. The duchess, since her elevation, had conducted herself with such + prudence and circumspection, as could not be sufficiently admired: such + were her manners, and such the general estimation in which she was held, + that she appeared to have found out the secret of pleasing every one; a + secret yet more rare than the grandeur to which she had been raised: but, + after having gained universal esteem, she was desirous of being more + particularly beloved; or, more properly speaking, malicious Cupid + assaulted her heart, in spite of the discretion, prudence, and reason, + with which she had fortified it. + </p> + <p> + In vain had she said to herself a hundred times, that if the duke had been + so kind as to do her justice by falling in love with her, he had done her + too much honour by making her his wife; that with respect to his + inconstant disposition, which estranged him from her, she ought to bear it + with patience, until it pleased heaven to produce a change in his conduct; + that the frailties on his part, which might to her appear injurious, would + never justify in her the least deviation from her duty; and, as resentment + was still less allowable, she ought to endeavour to regain him by a + conduct entirely opposite to his own. In vain was it, as we have said + before, that she had long resisted Love and his emissaries by the help of + these maxims: how solid soever reason, and however obstinate wisdom and + virtue may be, there are yet certain attacks which tire by their length, + and, in the end, subdue both reason and virtue itself. + </p> + <p> + The Duchess of York was one of the highest feeders in England: as this was + an unforbidden pleasure she indulged herself in it, as an indemnification + for other self-denials. It was really an edifying sight to see her at + table. The duke, on the contrary, being incessantly in the hurry of new + fancies, exhausted himself by his inconstancy, and was gradually wasting + away; whilst the poor princess, gratifying her good appetite, grew so fat + and plump that it was a blessing to see her. It is not easy to determine + how long things would have continued in this situation, if Love, who was + resolved to have satisfaction for her late conduct, so opposite to the + former, had not employed artifice as well as force, to disturb her repose. + </p> + <p> + He at first let loose upon her resentment and jealousy two mortal enemies + to all tranquillity and happiness. A tall creature, pale-faced, and + nothing but skin and bone, named Churchill, whom she had taken for a maid + of honour, became the object of her jealousy, because she was then the + object of the duke’s affection. The court was not able to comprehend how, + after having been in love with Lady Chesterfield, Miss Hamilton, and Miss + Jennings, he could have any inclination for such a creature; but they soon + perceived that something more than unaccountable variety had a great share + in effecting this conquest. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Miss Arabella Churchill, daughter of Sir Winston Churchill of Wotton + Basset, in the county of Wilts, and sister to the celebrated John, Duke + of Marlborough. She was born 1648.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + The duchess beheld with indignation a choice which seemed to debase her + own merit in a much greater degree than any of the former; at the very + instant that indignation and jealousy began to provoke her spleen, + perfidious Cupid threw in the way of her passions and resentments the + amiable, handsome Sidney; and, whilst he kept her eyes fixed upon his + personal perfections, diverted her attention from perceiving the + deficiency of his mental accomplishments: she was wounded before she was + aware of her danger; but the good opinion Sidney had of his own merit did + not suffer him long to be ignorant of such a glorious conquest; and, in + order more effectually to secure it, his eyes rashly answered everything + which those of her royal highness had the kindness to tell him, whilst his + personal accomplishments were carefully heightened by all the advantages + of dress and show. + </p> + <p> + The duchess, foreseeing the consequences of such an engagement, strongly + combated the inclination that hurried her away; but Miss Hobart, siding + with that inclination, argued the matter with her scruples, and, in the + end, really vanquished them. This girl had insinuated herself into her + royal highness’s confidence by a fund of news with which she was provided + the whole year round: the court and the city supplied her; nor was it very + material to her whether her stories were true or false, her chief care + being that they should prove agreeable to her mistress: she knew, + likewise, how to gratify her palate, and constantly provided a variety of + those dishes and liquors which she liked best. These qualifications had + rendered her necessary; but, desirous of being still more so, and having + perceived both the airs that Sidney gave himself, and what was passing in + the heart of her mistress, the cunning Hobart took the liberty of telling + her royal highness that this unfortunate youth was pining away solely on + her account; that it was a thousand pities a man of his figure should lose + the respect for her which was most certainly her due, merely because she + had reduced him to such a state that he could no longer preserve it; that + he was gradually dying away on her account, in the sight of the whole + court; that his situation would soon be generally remarked, except she + made use of the proper means to prevent it; that, in her opinion, her + royal highness ought to pity the miserable situation into which her charms + had reduced him, and to endeavour to alleviate his pain in some way or + other. The duchess asked her what she meant by “endeavouring to alleviate + his pain in some way or other.” “I mean, madam,” answered Miss Hobart, + “that, if either his person be disagreeable, or his passion troublesome, + you will give him his discharge; or, if you choose to retain him in your + service, as all the princesses in the world would do in your place, you + will permit me to give him directions from you for his future conduct, + mixed with a few grains of hope, to prevent his entirely losing his + senses, until you find a proper occasion yourself to acquaint him with + your wishes.” “What!” said the duchess, “would you advise me, Hobart—you, + who really love me—to engage in an affair of this nature, at the + expense of my honour, and the hazard of a thousand inconveniences! If such + frailties are sometimes excusable, they certainly are not so in the high + station in which I am placed; and it would be an ill-requital on my part + for his goodness who raised me to the rank I now fill to——” + “All this is very fine,” interrupted Miss Hobart: “but is it not very well + known that he only married you because he was importuned so to do? Since + that I refer to yourself whether he has ever restrained his inclination a + single moment, giving you the most convincing proofs of the change that + has taken place in his heart, by a thousand provoking infidelities? Is it + still your intention to persevere in a state of indolence and humility, + whilst the duke, after having received the favours, or suffered the + repulses, of all the coquettes in England, pays his addresses to the maids + of honour, one after the other, and at present places his whole ambition + and desires in the conquest of that ugly skeleton, Churchill? What! Madam, + must then your prime of life be spent in a sort of widowhood in deploring + your misfortunes, without ever being permitted to make use of any remedy + that may offer? A woman must be endowed with insuperable patience, or with + an inexhaustible degree of resignation, to bear this. Can a husband, who + disregards you both night and day, really suppose, because his wife eats + and drinks heartily, as, God be thanked, your royal highness does, that + she wants nothing else than to sleep well too? Faith, such conduct is too + bad: I therefore once more repeat that there is not a princess in the + universe who would refuse the homage of a man like Sidney, when a husband + pays his addresses elsewhere.” + </p> + <p> + These reasons were certainly not morally good; but had they been still + worse the duchess would have yielded to them, so much did her heart act in + concert with Miss Hobart, to overthrow her discretion and prudence. + </p> + <p> + This intrigue began at the very time that Miss Hobart advised Miss Temple + not to give any encouragement to the addresses of the handsome Sidney. As + for him, no sooner was he informed by the confidant Hobart that the + goddess accepted his adoration than he immediately began to be + particularly reserved and circumspect in his behaviour, in order to divert + the attention of the public; but the public is not so easily deceived as + some people imagine. + </p> + <p> + As there were too many spies, too many inquisitive people and critics, in + a numerous court, residing in the midst of a populous city, the duchess to + avoid exposing the inclinations of her heart to the scrutiny of so many + inquisitors, engaged the Duke of York to undertake the journey before + mentioned, whilst the queen and her court were at Tunbridge. + </p> + <p> + This conduct was prudent; and, if agreeable to her, was far from + displeasing to any of her court, except Miss Jennings: Jermyn was not of + the party; and, in her opinion, every party was insipid in which he was + not one of the company. He had engaged himself in an enterprise above his + strength, in laying a wager which the Chevalier de Grammont had laid + before, and lost. He betted five hundred guineas that he would ride twenty + miles in one hour upon the same horse, in the high road. The day he had + fixed upon for this race was the very same in which Miss Jennings went to + the fortune-teller’s. + </p> + <p> + Jermyn was more fortunate than her in this undertaking he came off + victorious; but as his courage had far exceeded the strength of his + constitution in this exertion to win the wager, he got a violent fever + into the bargain, which brought him very low. Miss Jennings inquired after + his health; but that was all she dared to do. In modern romances, a + princess need only pay a visit to some hero, abandoned by his physicians, + a perfect cure would be wrought in three days; but since Miss Jennings had + not been the cause of Jermyn’s fever, she was not certain of relieving him + from it, although she had been sure that a charitable visit would not have + been censured in a malicious court. Without therefore paying any attention + to the uneasiness she might feel upon the occasion, the court set out + without him: she had, however, the gratification to testify her ill-humour + throughout the whole journey, by appearing displeased with everything + which seemed to afford satisfaction to all the rest of the company. + </p> + <p> + Talbot made one of the company; and flattering himself that the absence of + a dangerous rival might produce some change in his favour, he was + attentive to all the actions, motions, and even gestures, of his former + mistress. There was certainly enough fully to employ his attention: it was + contrary to her disposition to remain long in a serious humour. Her + natural vivacity hurried her away, from being seemingly lost in thought, + into sallies of wit, which afforded him hopes that she would soon forget + Jermyn, and remember that his own passion was the first she had + encouraged. However, he kept his distance, notwithstanding his love and + his hopes, being of opinion that it ill became an injured lover to betray + either the least weakness, or the smallest return of affection, for an + ungrateful mistress, who had deserted him. + </p> + <p> + Miss Jennings was so far from thinking of his resentments, that she did + not even recollect he had ever paid his addresses to her; and her thoughts + being wholly occupied upon the poor sick man, she conducted herself + towards Talbot as if they never had had anything to say to each other. It + was to him that she most usually gave her hand, either in getting into or + out of the coach; she conversed more readily with him than any other + person, and, without intending it, did everything to make the court + believe she was cured of her passion for Jermyn in favour of her former + lover. + </p> + <p> + Of this he seemed likewise convinced, as well as the rest; and thinking it + now proper to act another part, in order to let her know that his + sentiments with respect to her were still the same, he had resolved to + address her in the most tender and affectionate manner upon this subject. + Fortune seemed to have favoured him, and to have smoothed the way for this + intended harangue: he was alone with her in her chamber; and, what was + still better, she was rallying him concerning Miss Boynton; saying, “that + they were undoubtedly much obliged to him for attending them on their + journey, whilst poor Miss Boynton had fainting fits at Tunbridge, at least + twice every day, for love of him.” Upon this discourse, Talbot thought it + right to begin the recital of his sufferings and fidelity, when Miss + Temple, with a paper in her hand, entered the room. This was a letter in + verse, which Lord Rochester had written some time before, upon the + intrigues of the two courts; wherein, upon the subject of Miss Jennings, + he said: “that Talbot had struck terror among the people of God, by his + gigantic stature; but that Jermyn, like a little David, had vanquished the + great Goliath.” Jennings, delighted with this allusion, read it over two + or three times, thought it more entertaining than Talbot’s conversation, + at first heartily laughed at it, but soon after, with a tender air, “Poor + little David!” said she, with a deep sigh, and turning her head on one + side during this short reverie, she shed a few tears, which assuredly did + not flow for the defeat of the giant. This stung Talbot to the quick; and, + seeing himself so ridiculously deceived in his hopes, he went abruptly out + of the room, vowing never to think any more of a giddy girl, whose conduct + was regulated neither by sense nor reason; but he did not keep his + resolution. + </p> + <p> + The other votaries of love, who were numerous in this court, were more + successful, the journey being undertaken solely on that account. There + were continual balls and entertainments upon the road; hunting, and all + other diversions, wherever the court halted in its progress. The tender + lovers flattered themselves with the thought of being able to crown their + happiness as they proceeded in their journey; and the beauties who + governed their destiny did not forbid them to hope. Sidney paid his court + with wonderful assiduity: the duchess made the duke take notice of his + late perfect devotion to his service: his royal highness observed it, and + agreed that he ought to be remembered upon the first opportunity, which + happened soon after. + </p> + <p> + Montagu, as before mentioned, was master of the horse to the duchess: he + was possessed of a great deal of wit, had much penetration, and loved + mischief. How could she bear such a man near her person, in the present + situation of her heart? This greatly embarrassed her; but Montagu’s elder + brother having, very a-propos, got himself killed where he had no + business, the duke obtained for Montagu the post of master of the horse to + the queen, which the deceased enjoyed; and the handsome Sidney was + appointed to succeed him in the same employment to the duchess. All this + happened according to her wish; and the duke was highly pleased that he + had found means to promote these two gentlemen at once, without being at + the least expense. + </p> + <p> + Miss Hobart greatly applauded these promotions: she had frequent and long + conversations with Sidney, which, being remarked, some did her the honour + to believe it was upon her own account; and the compliments that were made + her upon the occasion she most willingly received. The duke, who believed + it at first, observed to the duchess the unaccountable taste of certain + persons, and how the handsomest young fellow in England was infatuated + with such a frightful creature. + </p> + <p> + The duchess confessed that taste was very arbitrary; the truth whereof he + himself seemed to be convinced of, since he had fixed upon the beauteous + Helen for his mistress. I know not whether this raillery caused him to + reflect for what reasons he had made his choice; but it is certain he + began to cool in his affections for Miss Churchill; and perhaps he would + entirely have abandoned this pursuit, had not an accident taken place, + which raised in him an entirely new inclination for her. + </p> + <p> + The court having halted for a few days in a fine open country, the duchess + was desirous of seeing a greyhound course. This diversion is practised in + England upon large downs, where the turf, eaten by the sheep, is + particularly green, and wonderfully even. She was in her coach, and all + the ladies on horseback, every one of them being attended by her squire; + it therefore was but reasonable that the mistress should likewise have her + squire. He accordingly was at the side of her coach, and seemed to + compensate for his deficiencies in conversation, by the uncommon beauty of + his mien and figure. + </p> + <p> + The duke attended Miss Churchill, not for the sake of besieging her with + soft flattering tales of love, but, on the contrary, to chide her for + sitting so ill on horseback: She was one of the most indolent creatures in + the world; and although the maids of honour are generally the worst + mounted of the whole court, yet, in order to distinguish her, on account + of the favour she enjoyed, they had given her a very pretty, though rather + a high-spirited horse; a distinction she would very willingly have excused + them. + </p> + <p> + The embarrassment and fear she was under had added to her natural + paleness. In this situation, her countenance had almost completed the + duke’s disgust, when her horse, desirous of keeping pace with the others, + set off in a gallop, notwithstanding her greatest efforts to prevent it; + and her endeavours to hold him in, firing his mettle, he at length set off + at full speed, as if he was running a race against the duke’s horse. + </p> + <p> + Miss Churchill lost her seat, screamed out, and fell from her horse. A + fall in so quick a pace must have been violent; and yet it proved + favourable to her in every respect; for, without receiving any hurt, she + gave the lie to all the unfavourable suppositions that had been formed of + her person, in judging from her face. The duke alighted, in order to help + her: she was so greatly stunned, that her thoughts were otherwise employed + than about decency on the present occasion; and those who first crowded + around her found her rather in a negligent posture: they could hardly + believe that limbs of such exquisite beauty could belong to Miss + Churchill’s face. After this accident, it was remarked that the duke’s + tenderness and affection for her increased every day; and, towards the end + of the winter, it appeared that she had not tyrannized over his passion, + nor made him languish with impatience. + </p> + <p> + The two courts returned to London much about the same time, equally + satisfied with their respective excursions; though the queen was + disappointed in the hopes she had entertained of the good effects of the + Tunbridge waters. + </p> + <p> + It was about this time that the Chevalier de Grammont received a letter + from the Marchioness de Saint-Chaumont, his sister, acquainting him, that + he might return when he thought proper, the king having given him leave. + He would have received this news with joy at any other time, whatever had + been the charms of the English court; but, in the present situation of his + heart, he could not resolve to quit it. + </p> + <p> + He had returned from Tunbridge a thousand times deeper in love than ever; + for, during this agreeable excursion, he had every day seen Miss Hamilton, + either in the marshes of melancholy Peckham, or in the delicious walks of + cheerful Summerhill, or in the daily diversions and entertainments of the + queen’s court; and whether he saw her on horseback, heard her + conversation, or observed her in the dance, still he was persuaded that + Heaven had never formed an object in every respect more worthy of the + love, and more deserving of the affection, of a man of sense and delicacy. + How then was it possible for him to bear the thoughts of leaving her? This + appeared to him absolutely impracticable; however, as he was desirous of + making a merit with her, of the determination he had made to neglect his + fortune, rather than to be separated from her charms, he showed her his + sister’s letter: but this confidence had not the success he expected. + </p> + <p> + Miss Hamilton, in the first place, congratulated him upon his recall: She + returned him many thanks for the sacrifice he intended to make her; but as + this testimony of affection greatly exceeded the bounds of mere gallantry, + however sensibly she might feel this mark of his tenderness, she was, + however, determined not to abuse it. In vain did he protest that he would + rather meet death than part from her irresistible charms; and her + irresistible charms protested that he should never see them more, unless + he departed immediately. Thus was he forced to obey. However, he was + allowed to flatter himself, that these positive orders, how harsh soever + they might appear, did not flow from indifference; that she would always + be more pleased with his return than with his departure, for which she was + now so urgent; and having generously given him assurances that, so far as + depended upon herself, he would find, upon his return, no variation in her + sentiments during his absence, he took leave of his friends, thinking of + nothing but his return, at the very time he was making preparations for + his departure. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0011" id="link2HCH0011"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER ELEVENTH. RETURN OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT TO FRANCE—HE IS + SENT BACK TO ENGLAND—VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THIS COURT, AND + MARRIAGE OF MOST OF THE HEROES OF THESE MEMOIRS + </h2> + <p> + The nearer the Chevalier de Grammont approached the court of France, the + more did he regret his absence from that of England. + </p> + <p> + A thousand different thoughts occupied his mind upon the journey: + Sometimes he reflected upon the joy and satisfaction his friends and + relations would experience upon his return; sometimes upon the + congratulations and embraces of those who, being neither the one nor the + other, would, nevertheless, overwhelm him with impertinent compliments: + All these ideas passed quickly through his head; for a man deeply in love + makes it a scruple of conscience not to suffer any other thoughts to dwell + upon his mind than those of the object beloved. It was then the tender, + endearing remembrance of what he had left in London that diverted his + thoughts from Paris; and it was the torments of absence that prevented his + feeling those of the bad roads and the bad horses. His heart protested to + Miss Hamilton, between Montreuil and Abbeville that he only tore himself + from her with such haste, to return the sooner; after which, by a short + reflection, comparing the regret he had formerly felt upon the same road, + in quitting France for England, with that which he now experienced, in + quitting England for France, he found the last much more insupportable + than the former. + </p> + <p> + It is thus that a man in love entertains himself upon the road; or rather, + it is thus that a trifling writer abuses the patience of his reader, + either to display his own sentiments, or to lengthen out a tedious story; + but God forbid that this character should apply to ourselves, since we + profess to insert nothing in these memoirs, but what we have heard from + the mouth of him whose actions and sayings we transmit to posterity. + </p> + <p> + Who, except Squire Feraulas, has ever been able to keep a register of all + the thoughts, sighs, and exclamations, of his illustrious master? For my + own part, I should never have thought that the attention of the Count de + Grammont, which is at present so sensible to inconveniences and dangers, + would have ever permitted him to entertain amorous thoughts upon the road, + if he did not himself dictate to me what I am now writing. + </p> + <p> + But let us speak of him at Abbeville. The postmaster was his old + acquaintance: His hotel was the best provided of any between Calais and + Paris; and the Chevalier de Grammont, alighting, told Termes he would + drink a glass of wine during the time they were changing horses. It was + about noon; and, since the preceding night, when they had landed at + Calais, until this instant, they had not eat a single mouthful. Termes, + praising the Lord, that natural feelings had for once prevailed over the + inhumanity of his usual impatience, confirmed him as much as possible in + such reasonable sentiments. + </p> + <p> + Upon their entering the kitchen, where the Chevalier generally paid his + first visit, they were surprised to see half a dozen spits loaded with + game at the fire, and every other preparation for a magnificent + entertainment. The heart of Termes leaped for joy: he gave private orders + to the hostler to pull the shoes off some of the horses, that he might not + be forced away from this place before he had satisfied his craving + appetite. + </p> + <p> + Soon after, a number of violins and hautboys, attended by all the mob of + the town, entered the court. The landlord, being asked the reason of these + great preparations, acquainted the Chevalier de Grammont that they were + for the wedding of one of the most wealthy gentlemen in the neighbourhood + with one of the handsomest girls in the whole province; that the + entertainment was to be at his house; and that, if his lordship chose to + stop, in a very short time he would see the new-married couple arrive from + the church, since the music was already come. He was right in his + conjectures; for these words were scarce out of his mouth, when three + uncommonly large coaches, loaded with lackeys, as tall as Swiss, with most + gaudy liveries, all covered with lace, appeared in the court, and + disembarked the whole wedding company. Never was country magnificence more + naturally displayed: Rusty tinsel, tarnished lace, striped silks, little + eyes, and full swelling breasts, appeared on every side. + </p> + <p> + If the first sight of the procession surprised the Chevalier de Grammont, + faithful Termes was no less astonished at the second. The little that was + to be seen of the bride’s face appeared not without beauty; but no + judgment could be formed of the remainder: Four dozen of patches, at + least, and ten ringlets of hair, on each side, most completely concealed + her from all human eyes; but it was the bridegroom who most particularly + attracted the Chevalier de Grammont’s attention. + </p> + <p> + He was as ridiculously dressed as the rest of the company, except a coat + of the greatest magnificence, and of the most exquisite taste. The + Chevalier de Grammont, walking up to him to examine his dress, began to + commend the embroidery of his coat. The bridegroom thought himself much + honoured by this examination, and told him he bought it for one hundred + and fifty louis, at the time he was paying his addresses to his wife. + “Then you did not get it made here?” said the Chevalier de Grammont. “No,” + replied the other; “I bought it of a London merchant, who had ordered it + for an English lord.” The Chevalier de Grammont, who now began to perceive + in what manner the adventure would end, asked him if he should recollect + the merchant if he saw him again? “Recollect him!” replied the other, “I + surely ought; for I was obliged to sit up drinking with him all night at + Calais, as I was endeavouring to beat down the price.” Termes had vanished + out of sight as soon as ever this coat appeared, though he little supposed + that the cursed bridegroom would have any conversation concerning it with + his master. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier’s thoughts were some time wavering between his inclination + to laugh, and a desire of hanging Master Termes; but the long habit of + suffering himself to be robbed by his domestics, together with the + vigilance of the criminal, whom his master could not reproach with having + slept in his service, inclined him to clemency; and yielding to the + importunities of the country gentleman, in order to confound his faithful + servant, he sat down to table, to make the thirty-seventh of the company. + </p> + <p> + A short time after, he desired one of the waiters to call for a gentleman + whose name was Termes. He immediately appeared; and as soon as the master + of the feast saw him, he rose from table, and offering him his hand; + “Welcome, my friend,” said he; “you see that I have taken good care of the + coat which you sold me with so much reluctance, and that I have kept it + for a good purpose.” + </p> + <p> + Termes, having put on a face of brass, pretended not to know him, and + pushed him back with some degree of rudeness. “No, no!” said the other; + “since I was obliged to sit up with you the whole night, in order to + strike the bargain, you shall pledge me in the bride’s health.” The + Chevalier de Grammont, who saw that Termes was disconcerted, + notwithstanding his impudence, said to him with a smile: “Come, come, my + good London merchant, sit down, as you are so civilly invited: we are not + so crowded at table but that there will be room enough for such an honest + gentleman as yourself.” At these words five-and-thirty of the guests were + in motion to receive this new visitor: the bride alone, out of an idea of + decorum, remained seated; and the audacious Termes, having swallowed the + first shame of this adventure, began to lay about him at such a rate, as + if it had been his intention to swallow all the wine provided for the + wedding, if his master had not risen from the table as they were taking + off four-and-twenty soups, to serve up as many other dishes in their + stead. + </p> + <p> + The company were not so unreasonable as to desire a man who was in such + haste to remain to the end of a wedding dinner; but they all got up when + he arose from table, and all that he could obtain from the bridegroom was + that the company should not attend him to the gate of the inn. As for + Termes, he wished they had not quitted him till the end of their journey, + so much did he dread being left alone with his master. + </p> + <p> + They had advanced some distance from Abbeville, and were proceeding on in + the most profound silence, when Termes, who expected an end to it in a + short time, was only solicitous in what manner it might happen, whether + his master would attack him with a torrent of invectives, and certain + epithets which were most justly his due, or whether, in an insulting, + ironical manner, he might make use of such commendations as were most + likely to confound him; but finding, instead of either, that he remained + in sullen silence, he thought it prudent rather to prevent the speech the + Chevalier was meditating than to suffer him to think longer about it; and, + accordingly, arming himself with all his effrontery: “You seem to be very + angry, Sir,” said he, “and I suppose you think you have reason for being + so; but the devil take me, if you are not mistaken in reality.” + </p> + <p> + “How! traitor! in reality?” said the Chevalier de Grammont. “It is then + because I have not had thee well thrashed, as thou hast for a long time + merited.” “Look ye, Sir,” replied Termes, “you always run into a passion, + instead of listening to reason! Yes, Sir, I maintain that what I did was + for your benefit.” “And was not the quicksand likewise for my service?” + said the Chevalier de Grammont. “Have patience, if you please,” pursued + the other: “I know not how that simpleton of a bridegroom happened to be + at the custom-house when my portmanteau was examined at Calais: but these + silly cuckolds thrust in their noses everywhere. As soon as ever he saw + your coat, he fell in love with it. I immediately perceived he was a fool; + for he fell down upon his knees, beseeching me to sell it him. Besides + being greatly rumpled in the portmanteau, it was all stained in front by + the sweat of the horses. I wonder how the devil he has managed to get it + cleaned; but, faith, I am the greatest scoundrel in the world, if you + would ever have put it on. In a word, it cost you one hundred and forty + louis d’ors, and seeing he offered me one hundred and fifty for it; ‘My + master,’ said I, ‘has no occasion for this tinselled bauble to distinguish + him at the ball; and, although he was pretty full of cash when I left him, + how know I in what situation he may be upon my return? there is no + certainty at play.’ To be brief, Sir, I got ten louis d’ors for it more + than it cost you: this you see is all clear profit: I will be accountable + to you for it, and you know that I am sufficiently substantial to make + good such a sum. Confess now, do you think you would have appeared to + greater advantage at the ball, if you had been dressed out in that damned + coat, which would have made you look just like the village bridegroom to + whom we sold it? and yet how you stormed at London when you thought it + lost; what fine stories you told the king about the quicksand; and how + churlish you looked, when you first began to suppose that this country + booby wore it at his wedding!” + </p> + <p> + What could the Chevalier reply to such uncommon impudence? If he indulged + his resentment, he must either have most severely bastinadoed him, or he + must have discarded him, as the easiest escape the rogue could expect; but + he had occasion for him during the remainder of his journey; and, as soon + as he was at Paris, he had occasion for him for his return. + </p> + <p> + The Marechal de Grammont had no sooner notice of his arrival than he went + to him at the hotel; and, the first embraces being over on both sides, + “Chevalier,” said the Marechal, “how many days have you been in coming + from London hither? for God knows at what a rate you travel on such + occasions.” The Chevalier told him he had been three days upon the road; + and, to excuse himself for making no more haste, he related to him his + Abbeville adventure. “It is a very entertaining one,” said his brother; + “but what is yet more entertaining is, that it will be your fault if you + do not find your coat still at table; for the country gentry are not + accustomed to rise very soon from a wedding dinner.” And then, in a very + serious tone, told him, “he knew not who had advised him to this + unexpected return, which might probably ruin all his affairs; but he had + orders from the king to bid him go back again without appearing at court. + He told him afterwards that he was very much astonished at his impatience, + as, till this time, he had conducted himself uncommonly well, and was + sufficiently acquainted with the king’s temper to know that the only way + to merit his pardon was to wait until it freely came from his clemency.” + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier, in justification of his conduct, produced Madame de Saint + Chaumont’s letter, and told the Marechal that he would very willingly have + spared her the trouble of writing him such kind of news, to occasion him + so useless a journey. “Still more indiscretion,” replied his brother; “for + pray how long has our sister being either secretary of state or minister, + that she should be employed by the king to make known his majesty’s order? + Do you wish to know the real state of the case? Some time ago the king + told Madame—[Henrietta]—how you had refused the pension the + King of England offered you. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [“Henrietta, youngest daughter of Charles the First,—born at + Exeter 16th June, 1644, from whence she was removed to London in 1646, + and, with her governess, Lady Dalkeith, soon afterwards conveyed to + France. On the restoration, she came over to England with her mother, + but returned to France in about six months, and was married to Philip, + Duke of Orleans, only brother of Louis XIV. In May, 1670, she came again + to Dover, on a mission of a political nature, it is supposed, from the + French king to her brother, in which she was successful. She died, soon + after her return to France, suddenly, not without suspicion of having + been poisoned by her husband. King James, in his Diary, says, ‘On the + 22d of June, the news of the Duchess of Orleans’ death arrived. It was + suspected that counter-poisons were given her; but when she was opened, + in the presence of the English ambassador, the Earl of Ailesbury, an + English physician and surgeon, there appeared no grounds of suspicion of + any foul play. Yet Bucks tallied openly that she was poisoned; and was + so violent as to propose to foreign ministers to make war on France.’—Macpherson’s + Original Papers, vol i. At the end of Lord Arlington’s Letters are five + very remarkable ones from a person of quality, who is said to have been + actually on the spot, giving a particular relation of her death.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + “He appeared pleased with the manner in which Comminges had related to him + the circumstances attending it, and said he was pleased with you for it: + Madame interpreted this as an order for your recall; and Madame de Saint + Chaumont being very far from possessing that wonderful discretion she + imagines herself mistress of, she hastened to despatch to you this + consequential order in her own hand. To conclude, Madame said yesterday, + when the king was at dinner, that you would very soon be here; and the + king, as soon as dinner was over, commanded me to send you back as soon as + you arrived. Here you are; set off again immediately.” + </p> + <p> + This order might have appeared severe to the Chevalier de Grammont at any + other time; but, in the present state of his heart, he soon resolved upon + obeying. Nothing gave him uneasiness but the officious advice which had + obliged him to leave the English court; and being entirely unconcerned + that he was not allowed to see the French court before his departure, he + only desired the Marechal to obtain leave for him to stay a few days to + collect in some play debts which were owing him. This request was granted, + on condition that he should not remain in Paris. + </p> + <p> + He chose Vaugirard for his retreat: it was there that he had several + adventures which he so often related in so humorous and diverting a + manner, that it would be tedious to repeat them; there it was that he + administered the sacrament in so solemn a manner, that, as there did not + remain a sufficient number of Swiss at Versailles to guard the chapel, + Vardes was obliged to acquaint the king that they were all gone to the + Chevalier de Grammont, who was administering the sacrament at Vaugirard: + there likewise happened that wonderful adventure which threw the first + slur upon the reputation of the great Saucourt, when, having a tete-a-tete + with the gardener’s daughter, the horn, which was agreed upon as the + signal to prevent surprises, was sounded so often, that the frequent + alarms cooled the courage of the celebrated Saucourt, and rendered useless + the assignation that was procured for him with one of the prettiest girls + in the neighbourhood. It was, likewise, during his stay at Vaugirard, that + he paid a visit to Mademoiselle de l’Hopital at Issy, to inquire into the + truth of a report of an amour between her and a man of the long robe; and + it was there that, on his arriving unexpectedly, the President de Maisons + was forced to take refuge in a closet, with so much precipitation, that + half of his robe remained on the outside when he shut the door; while the + Chevalier de Grammont, who observed it, made his visit excessively long, + in order to keep the two lovers upon the rack. + </p> + <p> + His business being settled, he set out for England on the wings of love. + Termes redoubled his vigilance upon the road. The post horses were ready + in an instant at every stage: the winds and tides favoured his impatience; + and he reached London with the highest satisfaction. The court was both + surprised and charmed at his sudden return. No person condoled with him + upon his late disappointment, which had occasioned him to come back, as he + testified no manner of uneasiness concerning it himself: nor was Miss + Hamilton in the least displeased at his readiness in obeying the orders of + the king his master. + </p> + <p> + Nothing new had happened in the English court during his short absence; + but it assumed a different aspect soon after his return: I mean with + respect to love and pleasure, which were the most serious concerns of the + court during the greatest part of this gay reign. + </p> + <p> + The Duke of Monmouth, natural son to Charles the Second, now made his + first appearance in his father’s court. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [James Duke of Monmouth, was the son of Charles the II., by one Lucy + Walters. He was born at Rotterdam, April 9, 1649, and bore the name of + James Crofts until the restoration. His education was chiefly at Paris, + under the eye of the queen-mother, and the government of Thomas Ross, + Esq., who was afterwards secretary to Mr. Coventry during his embassy in + Sweden. At the restoration, he was brought to England, and received with + joy by his father, who heaped honours and riches upon him, which were + not sufficient to satisfy his ambitious views. To exclude his uncle, the + Duke of York, from the throne, he was continually intriguing with the + opposers of government, and was frequently in disgrace with his + sovereign. On the accession of James II. he made an ineffectual attempt + to raise a rebellion, was taken prisoner, and beheaded on Tower-hill, + 15th July, 1685. Mr. Macpherson has drawn his character in the following + terms: “Monmouth, highly beloved by the populace, was a fit instrument + to carry forward his (i.e. Shaftesbury’s) designs. To a gracefulness + which prejudiced mankind in his favour as soon as seen, he joined an + affability which gained their love. Constant in his friendships, and + just to his word, by nature tender, and an utter enemy to severity and + cruelty, active and vigorous in his constitution, he excelled in the + manly exercises of the field. He was personally brave. He loved the pomp + and the very dangers of war. But with these splendid qualities, he was + vain to a degree of folly, versatile in his measures, weak in his + understanding. He was ambitious without dignity, busy without + consequence, attempting ever to be artful, but always a fool. Thus, + taking the applause of the multitude for a certain mark of merit, he was + the dupe of his own vanity, and owed all his misfortunes to that + weakness.”—History of England, vol. i., chap. iii.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + His entrance upon the stage of the world was so brilliant, his ambition + had occasioned so many considerable events, and the particulars of his + tragical end are so recent, that it were needless to produce any other + traits to give a sketch of his character. By the whole tenor of his life, + he appeared to be rash in his undertakings, irresolute in the execution, + and dejected in his misfortunes, in which, at least, an undaunted + resolution ought to equal the greatness of the attempt. + </p> + <p> + His figure and the exterior graces of his person were such, that nature + perhaps never formed anything more complete: His face was extremely + handsome; and yet it was a manly face, neither inanimate nor effeminate; + each feature having its beauty and peculiar delicacy: He had a wonderful + genius for every sort of exercise, an engaging aspect, and an air of + grandeur: in a word, he possessed every personal advantage; but then he + was greatly deficient in mental accomplishments. He had no sentiments but + such as others inspired him with; and those who first insinuated + themselves into his friendship, took care to inspire him with none but + such as were pernicious. The astonishing beauty of his outward form caused + universal admiration: those who before were looked upon as handsome were + now entirely forgotten at court: and all the gay and beautiful of the fair + sex were at his devotion. He was particularly beloved by the king; but the + universal terror of husbands and lovers. This, however, did not long + continue; for nature not having endowed him with qualifications to secure + the possession of the heart, the fair sex soon perceived the defect. + </p> + <p> + The Duchess of Cleveland was out of humour with the king, because the + children she had by his majesty were like so many little puppets, compared + to this new Adonis. She was the more particularly hurt, as she might have + boasted of being the queen of love, in comparison with the duke’s mother. + </p> + <p> + The king, however, laughed at her reproaches, as, for some time, she had + certainly no right to make any; and, as this piece of jealousy appeared to + be more ill-founded than any she had formerly affected, no person approved + of her ridiculous resentment. Not succeeding in this, she formed another + scheme to give the king uneasiness: Instead of opposing his extreme + tenderness for his son, she pretended to adopt him, in her affection, by a + thousand commendations and caresses, which she was daily and continually + increasing. As these endearments were public, she imagined they could not + be suspected; but she was too well known for her real design to be + mistaken. The king was no longer jealous of her; but, as the Duke of + Monmouth was of an age not to be insensible to the attractions of a woman + possessing so many charms, he thought it proper to withdraw him from this + pretended mother-in-law, to preserve his innocence, or at least his fame, + uncontaminated: it was for this reason, therefore, that the king married + him so young. An heiress of five thousand pounds a-year in Scotland, + offered very a-propos: her person was full of charms, and her mind + possessed all those perfections in which the handsome Monmouth was + deficient. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [This was Lady Anne Scott, daughter and sole heir of Francis, Earl of + Buccleugh, only son and heir of Walter, Lord Scott, created Earl of + Buccleugh in 1619. On their marriage the duke took the surname of Scott, + and he and his lady were created Duke and Duchess of Buccleugh, Earl and + Countess of Dalkeith, Baron and Baroness of Whitchester and Ashdale in + Scotland, by letters patent, dated April 20th, 1673. Also, two days + after he was installed at Windsor, the king and queen, the Duke of York, + and most of the court being present. The next day, being St. George’s + day, his majesty solemnized it with a royal feast, and entertained the + knights companions in St. George’s hall in the castle of Windsor. Though + there were several children of this marriage, it does not appear to have + been a happy one; the duke, without concealment attaching himself to + Lady Harriet Wentworth, whom, with his dying breath, he declared he + considered as his only wife in the sight of God. The duchess, in May, + 1688, took to her second husband Charles, Lord Cornwallis. She died Feb. + 6, 1731-32, in the 81st year of her age, and was buried at Dalkeith in + Scotland. Our author is not more correct about figures than he avows + himself to be in the arrangement of facts and dates: the duchess’s + fortune was much greater than he has stated it to have been.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + New festivals and entertainments celebrated this marriage. The most + effectual method to pay court to the king, was to outshine the rest in + brilliancy and grandeur; and whilst these rejoicings brought forward all + manner of gallantry and magnificence, they either revived old, or + established new amours. + </p> + <p> + The fair Stewart, then in the meridian of her glory, attracted all eyes, + and commanded universal respect and admiration. The Duchess of Cleveland + endeavoured to eclipse her at this fate, by a load of jewels, and by all + the artificial ornaments of dress; but it was in vain: her face looked + rather thin and pale, from the commencement of a third or fourth + pregnancy, which the king was still pleased to place to his own account; + and, as for the rest, her person could in no respect stand in competition + with the grace and beauty of Miss Stewart. + </p> + <p> + It was during this last effort of her charms, that she would have been + queen of England, had the king been as free to give his hand as he was to + surrender his heart: for it was at this time that the Duke of Richmond + took it into his head either to marry her, or to die in the attempt. + </p> + <p> + A few months after the celebration of the Duke of Monmouth’s nuptials, + Killegrew, having nothing better to do; fell in love with Lady Shrewsbury; + and, as Lady Shrewsbury, by a very extraordinary chance, had no engagement + at that time, their amour was soon established. No one thought of + interrupting an intimacy which did not concern any one; but Killegrew + thought proper to disturb it himself. Not that his happiness fell short of + his expectation, nor did possession put him out of love with a situation + so enviable; but he was amazed that he was not envied, and offended that + his good fortune raised him no rivals. + </p> + <p> + He possessed a great deal of wit, and still more eloquence, which most + particularly displayed itself when he was a little elevated with the juice + of the grape: he then indulged himself in giving luxurious descriptions of + Lady Shrewsbury’s most secret charms and beauties, which above half the + court were as well acquainted with as himself. + </p> + <p> + The Duke of Buckingham was one of those who could only judge from outward + appearances: and appearances, in his opinion, did not seem to promise any + thing so exquisite as the extravagant praises of Killegrew would infer. As + this indiscreet lover was a frequent guest at the Duke of Buckingham’s + table, he was continually employing his rhetoric on this subject, and he + had full opportunity for his harangues; for they generally sat down to + dinner at four o’clock, and only rose just in time for the play in the + evening. + </p> + <p> + The Duke of Buckingham, whose ears were continually deafened with + descriptions of Lady Shrewsbury’s merits, resolved at last to examine into + the truth of the matter himself. As soon as he had made the experiment, he + was satisfied; and, though he fancied that fame did not exceed the truth, + yet this intrigue began in such a manner, that it was generally believed + its duration would be short, considering, the fickleness of both parties, + and the vivacity with which they had engaged in it: nevertheless, no amour + in England ever continued so long. + </p> + <p> + The imprudent Killegrew, who could not be satisfied without rivals, was + obliged, in the end, to be satisfied without a mistress. This he bore very + impatiently; but so far was Lady Shrewsbury from hearkening to, or + affording any redress for the grievances at first complained of, that she + pretended even not to know him. His spirit could not brook such treatment; + and without ever considering that he was the author of his own disgrace, + he let loose all his abusive eloquence against her ladyship: he attacked + her with the most bitter invectives from head to foot: he drew a frightful + picture of her conduct; and turned all her personal charms, which he used + to extol, into defects. He was privately warned of the inconveniences to + which these declamations might subject him, but despised the advice, and, + persisting, he soon had reason to repent it. + </p> + <p> + As he was returning one evening from the Duke of York’s apartments at St. + James’s, three passes with a sword were made at him through his chair, one + of which went entirely through his arm. Upon this, he was sensible of the + danger to which his intemperate tongue had exposed him, over and above the + loss of his mistress. The assassins made their escape across the Park, not + doubting but they had dispatched him. + </p> + <p> + Killegrew thought that all complaints would be useless; for what redress + from justice could he expect for an attempt of which his wounds were his + only evidence? And, besides, he was convinced that if he began a + prosecution founded upon appearances and conjectures, the parties + concerned would take the shortest and most effectual means to put a stop + to all inquiries upon the subject, and that their second attempt would not + prove ineffectual. Being desirous, therefore, of deserving mercy from + those who had endeavoured to assassinate him, he no longer continued his + satires, and said not a word of the adventure. The Duke of Buckingham and + Lady Shrewsbury remained for a long period both happy and contented. Never + before had her constancy been of so long a duration; nor had he ever been + so submissive and respectful a lover. + </p> + <p> + This continued until Lord Shrewsbury, who never before had shown the least + uneasiness at his lady’s misconduct, thought proper to resent this: it was + public enough, indeed, but less dishonourable to her than any of her + former intrigues. Poor Lord Shrewsbury, too polite a man to make any + reproaches to his wife, was resolved to have redress for his injured + honour: he accordingly challenged the Duke of Buckingham; and the Duke of + Buckingham, as a reparation for his honour, having killed him upon the + spot, remained a peaceable possessor of this famous Helen. The public was + at first shocked at the transaction; but the public grows familiar with + everything by habit, and by degrees both decency, and even virtue itself, + are rendered tame, and overcome. The queen was at the head of those who + exclaimed against so public and scandalous a crime, and against the + impunity of such a wicked act. As the Duchess of Buckingham was a short + fat body, like her majesty, who never had had any children, and whom her + husband had abandoned for another; this sort of parallel in their + situations interested the queen in her favour; but it was all in vain: no + person paid any attention to them; the licentiousness of the age went on + uncontrolled, though the queen endeavoured to raise up the serious part of + the nation, the politicians and devotees, as enemies against it. + </p> + <p> + The fate of this princess was in many cases truly melancholy: The king, + indeed, paid her every outward attention; but that was all: She easily + perceived that the respect he entertained for her daily diminished, in + proportion as the credit of her rivals increased: She saw that the king + her husband was now totally indifferent about legitimate children, since + his all-charming mistresses bore him others. As all the happiness of her + life depended upon that blessing, and as she flattered herself that the + king would prove kinder to her if Heaven would vouchsafe to grant her + desires, she had recourse to all the celebrated secrets against sterility: + pious vows, nine days’ prayers, and offerings having been tried in all + manners, but all to no purpose, she was at last obliged to return to + natural means. + </p> + <p> + What would she have given on this occasion for the ring which Archbishop + Turpin wore on his finger, and which made Charlemagne run after him, in + the same manner as it had made him run after one of his concubines, from + whose finger Turpin had taken it after her death! But it is now many years + since the only talismans for creating love are the charms of the person + beloved, and foreign enchantments have been looked upon as ineffectual. + The queen’s physicians, men of great prudence, sagacity, and wisdom, as + they always are, having duly weighed and considered that the cold waters + of Tunbridge had not succeeded in the preceding year, concluded that it + would be advisable for her to try the warm baths at Bristol—[Probably + Bath, D.W.]—This journey was therefore fixed for the next season; + and in the confidence of its proving effectual, this excursion would have + afforded her much pleasure, if the most dangerous of her rivals had not + been one of the first that was appointed to attend the court. The Duchess + of Cleveland being then near her time, there was no uneasiness on her + account: the common rules of decency required a little attention. The + public, it is true, was not either more or less acquainted with the + circumstances of her situation; by the care which she now took to conceal + it; but her appearing at court in her present condition would have been + too great an insult to the queen. Miss Stewart, more handsome than ever, + was appointed for this excursion, and began to make magnificent + preparations. The poor queen durst say nothing against it; but all hopes + of success immediately forsook her. What could the baths, or the feeble + virtue of the waters, perform against charms that entirely counteracted + their effects, either through the grief and uneasiness they occasioned + her, or by their still more powerful consequences? + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont, to whom all pleasures were insipid without the + presence of Miss Hamilton, was yet unable to excuse himself from attending + the court: the king delighted too much in his sprightly conversation to + leave him behind; and however pleasing his company might have been in the + solitude occasioned by the absence of the court, Miss Hamilton did not + think it right to accept his offer of staying in town, because she was + obliged to remain there: she, however, granted him the permission of + writing her an account of any news that might occur upon the journey. He + failed not to make use of this permission, in such a manner as one may + imagine: and his own concerns took up so much space in his letters, that + there was very little room left for other subjects during his stay at the + baths. As absence from the object of his affections rendered this place + insupportable, he engaged in everything that might dissipate his + impatience, until the happy moment of return arrived. + </p> + <p> + He had a great esteem for the elder of the Hamiltons; no less esteem, and + far more friendship for his brother, whom he made the confidant of his + passion and attachment for his sister. The Chevalier was also acquainted + with his first engagements with his cousin Wetenhall; but being ignorant + of the coldness that had interrupted a commerce so brisk in its + commencement, he was surprised at the eagerness he showed upon all + occasions to please Miss Stewart: his assiduity appeared to the Chevalier + de Grammont to exceed those civilities and attentions that are usually + paid for the purpose of making court to the favourites of princes. He + observed him more strictly, and soon perceived that he was deeper in love + with her than was consistent either with his fortune or his repose. As + soon as the remarks he made had confirmed him in his suspicions, he + resolved to use his endeavours to prevent the consequences of an + engagement pernicious in every respect: but he waited for a proper + opportunity of speaking to him upon the subject. + </p> + <p> + In the mean time, the court enjoyed every kind of diversion, in a place + where amusement is sought with avidity. The game of bowls, which in France + is the pastime of mechanics and servants only, is quite the contrary in + England, where it is the exercise of gentlemen, and requires both art and + address: it is only in use during the fair and dry part of the season, and + the places where it is practised are charming, delicious walks, called + bowling-greens, which are little square grass plots, where the turf is + almost as smooth and level as the cloth of a billiard-table. As soon as + the heat of the day is over, all the company assemble there: they play + deep; and spectators are at liberty to make what bets they please. + </p> + <p> + The Chevalier de Grammont, long before initiated in the English games and + diversions, had been engaged in a horse-race, in which he was indeed + unsuccessful; but he had the satisfaction of being convinced by + experience, that an English horse can go twenty miles upon the high road + in less than an hour. He was more fortunate at cock-fighting; and in the + bets he made at the bowling-green, the party he betted upon never failed + to win. + </p> + <p> + Near all these places of diversion there is usually a sort of inn, or + house of entertainment, with a bower or arbour, in which are sold all + sorts of English liquors, such as cider, mead, bottled beer, and Spanish + wines. Here the rooks meet every evening to drink, smoke, and to try their + skill upon each other, or, in other words, to endeavour to trick one + another out of the winnings of the day. These rooks are, properly + speaking, what we call capons or piqueurs, in France; men who always carry + money about them, to enable them to lend to losing gamesters, for which + they receive a gratification, which is nothing for such as play deep, as + it is only two per cent., and the money to be repaid the next day. + </p> + <p> + These gentlemen are so nice in their calculations, and so particularly + skilful in all manner of games, that no person would dare to enter the + lists with them, were they even assured that no unfairness would be + practised. Besides, they make a vow, to win four or five guineas a day, + and to be satisfied with that gain; a vow which they seldom or never + break. + </p> + <p> + It was in the midst of a company of these rooks, that Hamilton found the + Chevalier de Grammont, when he called in one evening to get a glass of + cider. They were playing at hazard; and as he who holds the dice is + supposed to have the advantage, the rooks did the Chevalier de Grammont + that honour out of compliment: he had the dice in his hand when Hamilton + came into the room. The rooks, secure of their odds, were betting against + him at a high rate, and he took all. + </p> + <p> + Hamilton could hardly believe his eyes, to see a man of his experience and + knowledge engaged in so unequal a contest; but it was to no purpose that + he informed him of his danger, both aloud in French, and in private by + signs; he still disregarded his warnings, and the dice, that bore Caesar + and his fortunes, performed a miracle in his favour. The rooks were + defeated for the first time, but not without bestowing upon him all the + encomiums and praises of being a very fair and honourable player, which + they never fail to lavish upon those whom they wish to engage a second + time; but all their commendations were lost, and their hopes deceived: the + Chevalier was satisfied with the first experiment. + </p> + <p> + Hamilton, when the king was at supper, related to him how he found the + Chevalier de Grammont rashly engaged with the rooks, and in what manner he + had been providentially preserved. “Indeed, Sir,” said the Chevalier de + Grammont, “the rooks were discomfited for once;” and thereupon related the + adventure to his majesty in his usual way, attracting the attention of all + the company, to a circumstance trifling in itself, but rendered + interesting by his humour. + </p> + <p> + After supper, Miss Stewart, in whose apartment there was play, called + Hamilton to her to tell the story. The Chevalier de Grammont, perceiving + that she attended to him with pleasure, was fully confirmed in the truth + of his first conjectures; and, having carried Hamilton home with him to + supper, they began to discourse freely together as usual, “George,” said + the Chevalier de Grammont, “are you in any want of money? I know you love + play: perhaps it may not be so favourable to you as it is to me. We are at + a great distance from London. Here are two hundred guineas: take them, I + beseech you; they will do to play with at Miss Stewart’s.” Hamilton, who + little expected this conclusion, was rather disconcerted. “How! at Miss + Stewart’s!” “Yes, in her apartments. Friend George,” continued the + Chevalier de Grammont, “I have not yet lost my eyes: you are in love with + her, and, if I am not mistaken, she is not offended at it; but tell me how + you could resolve to banish poor Wetenhall from your heart, and suffer + yourself to be infatuated with a girl, who perhaps after all is not worth + the other, and who besides, whatever favourable dispositions she may have + for you, will undoubtedly in the end prove your ruin. Faith, your brother + and you are two pretty fellows, in your choice. What! can you find no + other beauties in all the court to fall in love with, except the king’s + two mistresses! As for the elder brother, I can pardon him he only took + Lady Castlemaine after his master had done with her, and after Lady + Chesterfield had discarded him; but, as for you, what the devil do you + intend to do with a creature, on whom the king seems every day to dote + with increasing fondness? Is it because that drunken sot Richmond has + again come forward, and now declares himself one of her professed + admirers? You will soon see what he will make by it: I have not forgotten + what the king said to me upon the subject. ‘Believe me, my dear friend, + there is no playing tricks with our masters; I mean, there is no ogling + their mistresses.’ I myself wanted to play the agreeable in France with a + little coquette, whom the king did not care about, and you know how dearly + I paid for it. I confess she gives you fair play, but do not trust to her. + All the sex feel an unspeakable satisfaction at having men in their train, + whom they care not for, and to use them as their slaves of state, merely + to swell their equipage. Would it not be a great deal better to pass a + week or ten days incognito at Peckham, with the philosopher Wetenhall’s + wife, than to have it inserted in the Dutch Gazette.—We hear from + Bristol, that such a one is banished the court on account of Miss Stewart, + and that he is going to make a campaign in Guinea on board the fleet that + is fitting out for the expedition, under the command of Prince Rupert.” + </p> + <p> + Hamilton, who was the more convinced of the truth of this discourse, the + more he considered it, after musing some time, appeared to wake from a + dream, and addressing himself with an air of gratitude to the Chevalier de + Grammont: “Of all the men in the world, my dear friend,” said he, “you + have the most agreeable wit, and at the same time the clearest judgment + with respect to your friends: what you have told me has opened my eyes. I + began to suffer myself to be seduced by the most ridiculous illusion + imaginable, and to be hurried away rather by frivolous appearances than + any real inclination: to you I owe the obligation of having preserved me + from destruction at the very brink of a precipice. This is not the only + kindness you have done me, your favours have been innumerable; and, as a + proof of my gratitude for this last, I will follow your advice, and go + into retirement at my cousin Wetenhall’s, to eradicate from my + recollection every trace of those chimeras which lately possessed my + brain; but so far from going thither incognito, I will take you along with + me, as soon as the court returns to London. My sister shall likewise be of + the party; for it is prudent to use all precautions with a man who, with a + great deal of merit, on such occasions is not over scrupulous, if we may + credit your philosopher.” “Do not pay any attention to that pedant,” + replied the Chevalier de Grammont: “but tell me what put it into your head + to form a design upon that inanimate statue, Miss Stewart?” “How the devil + should I know?” said Hamilton: “you are acquainted with all her childish + amusements. The old Lord Carlingford was at her apartment one evening, + showing her how to hold a lighted wax candle in her mouth, and the grand + secret consisted in keeping the burning end there a long time without its + being extinguished. I have, thank God, a pretty large mouth, and, in order + to out-do her teacher, I took two candles into my mouth at the same time, + and walked three times round the room without their going out. Every + person present adjudged me the prize of this illustrious experiment, and + Killegrew maintained that nothing but a lanthorn could stand in + competition with me. Upon this she was like to die with laughing; and thus + was I admitted into the familiarity of her amusements. It is impossible to + deny her being one of the most charming creatures that ever was: since the + court has been in the country, I have had an hundred opportunities of + seeing her, which I had not before. You know that the dishabille of the + bath is a great convenience for those ladies, who, strictly adhering to + all the rules of decorum, are yet desirous to display all their charms and + attractions. Miss Stewart is so fully acquainted with the advantages she + possesses over all other women, that it is hardly possible to praise any + lady at court for a well-turned arm, and a fine leg, but she is ever ready + to dispute the point by demonstration; and I really believe, that, with a + little address, it would not be difficult to induce her to strip naked, + without ever reflecting upon what she was doing. After all, a man must be + very insensible to remain unconcerned and unmoved on such happy occasions; + and, besides, the good opinion we entertain of ourselves is apt to make us + think a woman is smitten, as soon as she distinguishes us by habitual + familiarity, which most commonly signifies nothing. This is the truth of + the matter with respect to myself: my own presumption, her beauty, the + brilliant station that sets it off, and a thousand kind things she had + said to me, prevented me from making serious reflections; but then, as + some excuse for my folly, I must likewise tell you, that the facility I + found in making her the tenderest declarations by commending her, and her + telling me in confidence a thousand things which she ought not to have + entrusted me with, might have deceived or infatuated any other man as well + as myself. + </p> + <p> + “I presented her with one of the prettiest horses in England. You know + what peculiar grace and elegance distinguish her on horseback. The king, + who, of all the diversions of the chase, likes none but hawking, because + it is the most convenient for the ladies, went out the other day to take + this amusement, attended by all the beauties of his court. His majesty + having galloped after a falcon, and the whole bright squadron after him, + the rustling of Miss Stewart’s petticoats frightened her horse, which was + at full speed, endeavouring to come up with mine, that had been his + companion; so that I was the only witness of a disorder in her clothes, + which displayed a thousand new beauties to my view. I had the good fortune + to make such gallant and flattering exclamations upon that charming + disorder as to prevent her being concerned or out of countenance upon it: + on the contrary, this subject of my admiration has been frequently since + the subject of our conversation, and did not seem to displease her. + </p> + <p> + “Old Lord Carlingford, and that mad fellow, Crofts (for I must now make + you my general confession), those insipid buffoons, were frequently + telling her some diverting stories, which passed pretty well with the help + of a few old threadbare jests, or some apish tricks in the recital, which + made her laugh heartily. As for myself, who know no stories, and do not + possess the talent of improving them by telling, if I did know any, I was + often greatly embarrassed when she desired me to tell her one: ‘I do not + know one, indeed,’ said I, one day, when she was teazing me on the + subject. ‘Invent one, then,’ said she. ‘That would be still more + difficult,’ replied I; ‘but if you will give me leave, madam, I will + relate to you a very extraordinary dream, which has, however, less + appearance of truth in it than dreams generally have.’ This excited her + curiosity, which would brook no denial. I therefore began to tell her that + the most beautiful creature in the world, whom I loved to distraction, + paid me a visit in my sleep. I then drew her own portrait, with a + rapturous description of all her beauties; adding, that this goddess, who + came to visit me with the most favourable intentions, did not counteract + them by any unreasonable cruelty. This was not sufficient to satisfy Miss + Stewart’s curiosity: I was obliged to relate every particular circumstance + of the kindness I experienced from this delicate phantom; to which she was + so very attentive, that she never once appeared surprised or disconcerted + at the luscious tale. On the contrary, she made me repeat the description + of the beauty, which I drew as near as possible after her own person, and + after such charms as I imagined of beauties that were unknown to me. + </p> + <p> + “This is, in fact, the very thing that had almost deprived me of my + senses: she knew very well that she herself was the person I was + describing: we were alone, as you may imagine, when I told her this story; + and my eyes did their utmost to persuade her that it was herself whom I + drew. I perceived that she was not in the least offended at knowing this; + nor was her modesty in the least alarmed at the relation of a fiction, + which I might have concluded in a manner still less discreet, if I had + thought proper. This patient audience made me plunge headlong into the + ocean of flattering ideas that presented themselves to my imagination. I + then no longer thought of the king, nor how passionately fond he was of + her, nor of the dangers attendant upon such an engagement: in short, I + know not what the devil I was thinking of; but I am very certain that, if + you had not been thinking for me, I might have found my ruin in the midst + of these distracted visions.” + </p> + <p> + Not long after, the court returned to London; and from that time, some + malevolent star having gained the ascendant, every thing went cross in the + empire of Love: vexation, suspicions, or jealousies, first entered the + field, to set all hearts at variance; next, false reports, slander, and + disputes, completed the ruin of all. + </p> + <p> + The Duchess of Cleveland had been brought to bed while the court was at + Bristol; and never before had she recovered from her lying-in with such a + profusion of charms. This made her believe that she was in a proper state + to retrieve her ancient rights over the king’s heart, if she had an + opportunity of appearing before him with this increased splendour. Her + friends being of the same opinion, her equipage was prepared for this + expedition; but the very evening before the day she had fixed on to set + out, she saw young Churchill, and was at once seized with a disease, which + had more than once opposed her projects, and which she could never + completely get the better of. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Churchill—Afterwards the celebrated Duke of Marlborough. He was + born midsummer-day, 1650, and died June 16, 1722. Bishop Burnet takes + notice of the discovery of this intrigue. “The Duchess of Cleveland + finding that she had lost the king, abandoned herself to great + disorders; one of which, by the artifice of the Duke of Buckingham, was + discovered by the king in person, the party concerned leaping out of the + window.”—History of his own Times, vol. i. p. 370. This was in + 1668. A very particular account of this intrigue is to be seen in the + Atalantis of Mrs. Manley, vol. i., p. 30. The same writer, who had lived + as companion to the Duchess of Cleveland, says, in the account of her + own life, that she was an eye-witness when the duke, who had received + thousands from the duchess, refused the common civility of lending her + twenty guineas at basset.—The history of Rivella, 4th ed. 1725, p. + 33. Lord Chesterfield’s character of this noblemen is too remarkable to + be omitted. “Of all the men that ever I knew in my life, (and I knew him + extremely well,) the late Duke of Marlborough possessed the graces in + the highest degree, not to say engrossed them: and indeed he got the + most by them! for I will venture, (contrary to the custom of profound + historians, who always assign deep causes to great events,) to ascribe + the better half of the Duke of Marlborough’s greatness and riches to + those graces. He was eminently illiterate, wrote bad English, and + spelled it still worse. He had no share of what is commonly called + parts; that is, he had no brightness, nothing shining in his genius. He + had, most undoubtedly, an excellent good plain understanding, with sound + judgment. But these alone would probably have raised him but something + higher than they found him, which was page to King James II.‘s queen. + There the graces protected and promoted him; for while he was an ensign + of the guards, the Duchess of Cleveland, then favourite mistress to King + Charles II., struck by those very graces, gave him five thousand pounds; + with which he immediately bought an annuity for his life, of five + hundred pounds a-year, of my grandfather, Halifax; which was the + foundation of his subsequent fortune. His figure was beautiful; but his + manner was irresistible by either man or woman. It was by this engaging, + graceful manner, that he was enabled, during all his wars, to connect + the various and jarring powers of the grand alliance, and to carry them + on to the main object of the war, notwithstanding their private and + separate views, jealousies, and wrong-headednesses. Whatever court he + went to, (and he was often obliged to go himself to some restive and + refractory ones,) he as constantly prevailed, and brought them into his + measures. The pensionary Heinsius, a venerable old minister, grown grey + in business, and who had governed the republic of the United Provinces + for more than forty years, was absolutely governed by the Duke of + Marlborough, as that republic feels to this day. He was always cool; and + nobody ever observed the least variation in his countenance. He could + refuse more gracefully than other people could grant; and those who went + away from him the most dissatisfied, as to the substance of their + business, were yet personally charmed with him, and, in some degree, + comforted by his manner. With all his gracefulness, no man living was + more conscious of his situation, or maintained his dignity better.”—Chest. + Letters, letter 136.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + A man who, from an ensign in the guards, was raised to such a fortune, + must certainly possess an uncommon share of prudence, not to be + intoxicated with his happiness. Churchill boasted in all places of the new + favour he had received: the Duchess of Cleveland, who neither recommended + to him circumspection in his behaviour, nor in his conversation, did not + seem to be in the least concerned at his indiscretion. Thus this intrigue + was become a general topic in all companies, when the court arrived in + London, and occasioned an immense number of speculations and reasonings: + some said she had already presented him with Jermyn’s pension, and Jacob + Hall’s salary, because the merits and qualifications of both were united + in his person: others maintained that he had too indolent an air, and too + delicate a shape, long to maintain himself in her favour; but all agreed + that a man who was the favourite of the king’s mistress, and brother to + the duke’s favourite, was in a fair way of preferment, and could not fail + to make his fortune. As a proof, the Duke of York soon after gave him a + place in his household: this was naturally to be expected; but the king, + who did not think that Lady Cleveland’s kindness to him was a sufficient + recommendation to his favour, thought proper to forbid him the court. + </p> + <p> + This good-natured king began now to be rather peevish: nor was it + altogether without reason: he disturbed no person in their amours, and yet + others had often the presumption to encroach upon his. Lord Dorset, first + lord of the bed-chamber, had lately debauched from his service Nell Gwyn, + the actress. Lady Cleveland, whom he now no longer regarded, continued to + disgrace him by repeated infidelities with unworthy rivals, and almost + ruined him by the immense sums she lavished on her gallants; but that + which most sensibly affected him, was the late coldness and threats of + Miss Stewart. He long since had offered her all the settlements and all + the titles she could desire, until he had an opportunity more effectually + to provide for her, which she had pretended only to decline, for fear of + the scandal they might occasion, on her being raised to a rank which would + attract the public notice; but since the return of the court, she had + given herself other airs: sometimes she was for retiring from court, to + appease the continual uneasiness her presence gave the queen: at other + times it was to avoid temptations, by which she wished to insinuate that + her innocence was still preserved: in short, the king’s heart was + continually distracted by alarms, or oppressed by humour and caprice. + </p> + <p> + As he could not for his life imagine what Miss Stewart wished him to do, + or what she would be at, he thought upon reforming his establishment of + mistresses, to try whether jealousy was not the real occasion of her + uneasiness. It was for this reason that, after having solemnly declared he + would have nothing more to say to the Duchess of Cleveland, since her + intrigue with Churchill, he discarded, without any exception, all the + other mistresses which he had in various parts of the town. The Nell + Gwyns, the Misses Davis, and the joyous rain of singers and dancers in his + majesty’s theatre, were all dismissed. All these sacrifices were + ineffectual: Miss Stewart continued to torment, and almost to drive the + king to distraction; but his majesty soon after found out the real cause + of this coldness. + </p> + <p> + This discovery was owing to the officious Duchess of Cleveland, who, ever + since her disgrace, had railed most bitterly against Miss Stewart as the + cause of it, and against the king’s weakness, who, for an inanimate idiot, + had treated her with so much indignity. As some of her grace’s creatures + were still in the king’s confidence, by their means she was informed of + the king’s uneasiness, and that Miss Stewart’s behaviour was the occasion + of it—and as soon as she had found the opportunity she had so long + wished for, she went directly into the king’s cabinet, through the + apartment of one of his pages called Chiffinch. This way was not new to + her. + </p> + <p> + The king was just returned from visiting Miss Stewart, in a very ill + humour: the presence of the Duchess of Cleveland surprised him, and did + not in the least diminish it: she, perceiving this, accosted him in an + ironical tone, and with a smile of indignation. “I hope,” said she, “I may + be allowed to pay you my homage, although the angelic Stewart has forbid + you to see me at my own house. I will not make use of reproaches and + expostulations, which would disgrace myself: still less will I endeavour + to excuse frailties which nothing can justify, since your constancy for me + deprives me of all defence, considering I am the only person you have + honoured with your tenderness, who has made herself unworthy of it by ill + conduct. I come now, therefore, with no other intent than to comfort and + to condole with you upon the affliction and grief into which the coldness, + or new-fashioned chastity of the inhuman Stewart have reduced your + majesty.” These words were attended by a fit of laughter, as unnatural and + strained as it was insulting and immoderate, which completed the king’s + impatience: he had, indeed, expected that some bitter jest would follow + this preamble; but he did not suppose she would have given herself such + blustering airs, considering the terms they were then upon; and, as he was + preparing to answer her: “be not offended,” said she, “that I take the + liberty of laughing at the gross manner in which you are imposed upon: I + cannot bear to see that such particular affectation should make you the + jest of your own court, and that you should be ridiculed with such + impunity. I know that the affected Stuart has sent you away, under + pretence of some indisposition, or perhaps some scruple of conscience; and + I come to acquaint you that the Duke of Richmond will soon be with her, if + he is not there already. I do not desire you to believe what I say, since + it might be suggested either through resentment or envy: only follow me to + her apartment, either that, no longer trusting calumny and malice, you may + honour her with a just preference, if I accuse her falsely; or, if my + information be true, you may no longer be the dupe of a pretended prude, + who makes you act so unbecoming and ridiculous a part.” + </p> + <p> + As she ended this speech, she took him by the hand, while he was yet + undecided, and pulled him away towards her rival’s apartments. Chiffinch + being in her interest, Miss Stewart could have no warning of the visit; + and Babiani, who owed all to the Duchess of Cleveland, and who served her + admirably well upon this occasion, came and told her that the Duke of + Richmond had just gone into Miss Stewart’s chamber. It was in the middle + of a little gallery, which, through a private door, led from the king’s + apartments to those of his mistresses. The Duchess of Cleveland wished him + good night, as he entered her rival’s chamber, and retired, in order to + wait the success of the adventure, of which Babiani, who attended the + king, was charged to come and give her an account. + </p> + <p> + It was near midnight: the king, in his way, met his mistress’s + chamber-maids, who respectfully opposed his entrance, and in a very low + voice, whispered his majesty that Miss Stewart had been very ill since he + left her: but that, being gone to bed, she was, God be thanked, in a very + fine sleep. “That I must see,” said the king, pushing her back, who had + posted herself in his way. He found Miss Stewart in bed, indeed, but far + from being asleep: the Duke of Richmond was seated at her pillow, and in + all probability was less inclined to sleep than herself. The perplexity of + the one party, and the rage of the other, were such as may easily be + imagined upon such a surprise. The king, who, of all men, was one of the + most mild and gentle, testified his resentment to the Duke of Richmond in + such terms as he had never before used. The duke was speechless, and + almost petrified: he saw his master and his king justly irritated. The + first transports which rage inspires on such occasions are dangerous. Miss + Stewart, window was very convenient for a sudden revenge, the Thames + flowing close beneath it: he cast his eyes upon it; and, seeing those of + the king more incensed and fired with indignation than he thought his + nature capable of, he made a profound bow, and retired, without replying a + single word to the vast torrent of threats and menaces that were poured + upon him. + </p> + <p> + Miss Stewart, having a little recovered from her first surprise, instead + of justifying herself, began to talk in the most extravagant manner, and + said everything that was most capable to inflame the king’s passion and + resentment; that, if she were not allowed to receive visits from a man of + the Duke of Richmond’s rank, who came with honourable intentions, she was + a slave in a free country; that she knew of no engagement that could + prevent her from disposing of her hand as she thought proper; but, + however, if this was not permitted her in his dominions, she did not + believe that there was any power on earth that could hinder her from going + over to France, and throwing herself into a convent, to enjoy there that + tranquillity which was denied her in his court. The king, sometimes + furious with anger, sometimes relenting at her tears, and sometimes + terrified at her menaces, was so greatly agitated, that he knew not how to + answer, either the nicety of a creature who wanted to act the part of + Lucretia under his own eye, or the assurance with which she had the + effrontery to reproach him. In this suspense, love had almost entirely + vanquished all his resentments, and had nearly induced him to throw + himself upon his knees, and entreat pardon for the injury he had done her, + when she desired him to retire, and leave her in repose, at least for the + remainder of that night, without offending those who had either + accompanied him, or conducted him to her apartments, by a longer visit. + This impertinent request provoked and irritated him to the highest degree: + he went out abruptly, vowing never to see her more, and passed the most + restless and uneasy night he had ever experienced since his restoration. + </p> + <p> + The next day the Duke of Richmond received orders to quit the court, and + never more to appear before the king; but it seems he had not waited for + those orders, having set out early that morning for his country seat. + </p> + <p> + Miss Stewart, in order to obviate all injurious constructions that might + be put upon the adventure of the preceding night, went and threw herself + at the queen’s feet; where, acting the new part of an innocent Magdalen, + she entreated her majesty’s forgiveness for all the sorrow and uneasiness + she might have already occasioned her. She told her majesty that a + constant and sincere repentance had induced her to contrive all possible + means for retiring from court: that this reason had inclined her to + receive the Duke of Richmond’s addresses, who had courted her a long time; + but since this courtship had caused his disgrace, and had likewise raised + a vast noise and disturbance, which perhaps might be turned to the + prejudice of her reputation, she conjured her Majesty to take her under + her protection, and endeavour to obtain the king’s permission for her to + retire into a convent, to remove at once all those vexations and troubles + her presence had innocently occasioned at court. All this was accompanied + with a proper deluge of tears. + </p> + <p> + It is a very agreeable spectacle to see a rival prostrate at our feet, + entreating pardon, and at the same time justifying her conduct. The + queen’s heart not only relented, but she mingled her own tears with those + of Miss Stewart. After having raised her up, and most tenderly embraced + her, she promised her all manner of favour and protection, either in her + marriage, or in any other course she thought fit to pursue, and parted + from her with the firm resolution to exert all her interest in her + support; but, being a person of great judgment, the reflections which she + afterwards made, induced her to change her opinion! + </p> + <p> + She knew that the king’s disposition was not capable of an obstinate + constancy. She therefore judged that absence would cure him, or that a new + engagement would by degrees entirely efface the remembrance of Miss + Stewart, and that, since she could not avoid having a rival, it was more + desirable she should be one who had given such eminent proofs of her + prudence and virtue. Besides, she flattered herself that the king would + ever think himself eternally obliged to her, for having opposed the + retreat and marriage of a girl, whom at that time he loved to distraction. + This fine reasoning determined her conduct. All her industry was employed + in persuading Miss Stewart to abandon her schemes; and what is most + extraordinary in this adventure, is, that, after having prevailed upon her + to think no more either of the Duke of Richmond, or of a nunnery, she + charged herself with the office of reconciling these two lovers. + </p> + <p> + Indeed it would have been a thousand pities if her negotiation had + miscarried but she did not suffer this misfortune; for never were the + king’s addresses so eager and passionate as after this peace, nor ever + better received by the fair Stewart. + </p> + <p> + His majesty did not long enjoy the sweets of a reconciliation, which + brought him into the best good humour possible, as we shall see. All + Europe was in a profound peace, since the treaty of the Pyrenees: Spain + flattered herself she should be able to recruit, by means of the new + alliance she had contracted with the most formidable of her neighbours; + but despaired of being able to support the shattered remains of a + declining monarchy, when she considered the age and infirmities of her + prince, or the weakness of his successor: France, on the contrary, + governed by a king indefatigable in business, young, vigilant, and + ambitious of glory, wanted nothing but inclination to aggrandize herself. + </p> + <p> + It was about this time, that the king of France, not willing to disturb + the tranquillity of Europe, was persuaded to alarm the coasts of Africa, + by an attempt, which, if it had even been crowned with success, would have + produced little good; but the king’s fortune, ever faithful to his glory, + has since made it appear, by the miscarriage of the expedition of Gigeri, + that such projects only as were planned by himself were worthy of his + attention. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [Gigeri is about forty leagues from Algiers. Till the year 1664 the + French had a factory there; but then attempting to build a fort on the + sea-coast, to be a check upon the Arabs, they came down from the + mountains, beat the French out of Gigeri, and demolished their fort. Sir + Richard Fanshaw, in a letter to the deputy governor of Tangier, dated + 2nd December, 1664, N.S., says, “We have certain intelligence that the + French have lost Gigheria, with all they had there, and their fleet come + back, with the loss of one considerable ship upon the rocks near + Marseilles.”—Fanshaw’s Letters, vol. i. p. 347.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + A short time after, the king of England, having resolved also to explore + the African coasts, fitted out a squadron for an expedition to Guinea, + which was to be commanded by Prince Rupert. Those who, from their own + experience, had some knowledge of the country, related strange and + wonderful stories of the dangers attendant upon this expedition that they + would have to fight not only the inhabitants of Guinea, a hellish people, + whose arrows were poisoned, and who never gave their prisoners better + quarter than to devour them, but that they must likewise endure heats that + were insupportable, and rains that were intolerable, every drop of which + was changed into a serpent: that, if they penetrated farther into the + country, they would be assaulted by monsters a thousand times more hideous + and destructive than all the beasts mentioned in the Revelations. + </p> + <p> + But all these reports were vain and ineffectual: for so far from striking + terror into those who were appointed to go upon this expedition, it rather + acted as an incentive to glory, upon those who had no manner of business + in it. Jermyn appeared among the foremost of those; and, without + reflecting that the pretence of his indisposition had delayed the + conclusion of his marriage with Miss Jennings, he asked the duke’s + permission, and the king’s consent to serve in it as a volunteer. + </p> + <p> + Some time before this, the infatuation which had imposed upon the fair + Jennings in his favour had begun to subside. All that now inclined her to + this match were the advantages of a settlement. The careless indolence of + a lover, who faintly paid his addresses to her, as it were from custom or + habit, disgusted her; and the resolution he had taken, without consulting + her, appeared so ridiculous in him, and so injurious to herself, that, + from that moment, she resolved to think no more of him. Her eyes being + opened by degrees, she saw the fallacy of the splendour, which had at + first deceived her; and the renowned Jermyn was received according to his + real merit when he came to acquaint her with his heroical project. There + appeared so much indifference and ease in the raillery with which she + complimented him upon his voyage, that he was entirely disconcerted, and + so much the more so, as he had prepared all the arguments he thought + capable of consoling her, upon announcing to her the fatal news of his + departure. She told him, “that nothing could be more glorious for him, who + had triumphed over the liberty of so many persons in Europe, than too and + extend his conquests in other parts of the world; and that she advised him + to bring home with him all the female captives he might make in Africa, in + order to replace those beauties whom his absence would bring to the + grave.” + </p> + <p> + Jermyn was highly displeased that she should be capable of raillery in the + condition he supposed her reduced to; but he soon perceived she was in + earnest: she told him, that she considered this farewell visit as his + last, and desired him not to think of making her any more before his + departure. + </p> + <p> + Thus far everything went well on her side: Jermyn was not only confounded + at having received his discharge in so cavalier a manner; but this very + demonstration of her indifference had revived, and even redoubled, all the + love and affection he had formerly felt for her. Thus she had both the + pleasure of despising him, and of seeing him more entangled in the chains + of love than he had ever been before. This was not sufficient: she wished + still farther, and very unadvisedly, to strain her resentment. + </p> + <p> + Ovid’s Epistles,—[This is the translation of Ovid’s Epistles + published by Mr. Dryden. The second edition of it was printed in 1681.]—translated + into English verse by the greatest wits at court, having lately been + published, she wrote a letter from a shepherdess in despair, addressed to + the perfidious Jermyn. She took the epistle of Ariadne to Theseus for her + model. The beginning of this letter contained, word for word, the + complaints and reproaches of that injured fair to the cruel man by whom + she had been abandoned. All this was properly adapted to the present times + and circumstances. It was her design to have closed this piece with a + description of the toils, perils, and monsters, that awaited him in + Guinea, for which he quitted a tender mistress, who was plunged into the + abyss of misery, and was overwhelmed with grief and despair; but not + having had time to finish it, nor to get that which she had written + transcribed, in order to send it to him under a feigned name, she + inconsiderately put this fragment, written in her own hand, into her + pocket, and, still more giddily, dropped it in the middle of the court. + Those who took it up, knowing her writing, made several copies of it, + which were circulated all over the town; but her former conduct had so + well established the reputation of her virtue, that no person entertained + the smallest doubt but the circumstances were exactly as we have related + them. Some time after, the Guinea expedition was laid aside for reasons + that are universally known, and Miss Jenning’s subsequent proceedings + fully justified her letter; for, notwithstanding all the efforts and + attentions Jermyn practised to regain her affections, she would never more + hear of him. + </p> + <p> + But he was not the only man who experienced the whimsical fatality, that + seemed to delight in disuniting hearts, in order to engage them soon after + to different objects. One would have imagined that the God of Love, + actuated by some new caprice, had placed his empire under the dominion of + Hymen, and had, at the same time, blind-folded that God, in order to + cross-match most of the lovers whom we have been speaking of’ + </p> + <p> + The fair Stewart married the Duke of Richmond; the invincible Jermyn, a + silly country girl; Lord Rochester, a melancholy heiress; the sprightly + Temple, the serious Lyttleton; Talbot, without knowing why or wherefore, + took to wife the languishing Boynton; George Hamilton, under more + favourable auspices, married the lovely Jennings; and the Chevalier de + Grammont, as the reward of a constancy he had never before known, and + which he never afterwards practised, found Hymen and Love united in his + favour, and was at last blessed with the possession of Miss Hamilton. + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [After the deaths of Miss Boynton and of George Hamilton, Talbot married + Miss Jennings, and became afterwards Duke of Tyrconnel.] [“The famous + Count Grammont was thought to be the original of The Forced Marriage. + This nobleman, during his stay at the court of England, had made love to + Miss Hamilton, but was coming away for France without bringing matters + to a proper conclusion. The young lady’s brothers pursued him, and came + up with him near Dover, in order to exchange some pistol-shot with him: + They called out, ‘Count Grammont, have you forgot nothing at London?’ + ‘Excuse me,’ answered the Count, guessing their errand, ‘I forgot to + marry your sister; so lead on, and let us finish that affair.’ By the + pleasantry of the answer, this was the same Grammont who commanded at + the siege of a place, the governor of which capitulated after a short + defence, and obtained an easy capitulation. The governor then said to + Monsieur Grammont, I’ll tell you a secret—that the reason of my + capitulation was, because I was in want of powder.’ Monsieur replied, + ‘And secret for secret—the reason of my granting you such an easy + capitulation was, because I was in want of ball.”—Biog. Gallica, + vol. i., p. 202. Count Grammont and his lady left England in 1669. King + Charles in a letter to his sister, the Duchess of Orleans, dated 24th + October, in that year, says, “I writt to you yesterday, by the Compte de + Grammont, but I beleeve this letter will come sooner to your handes; for + he goes by the way of Diep, with his wife and family; and now that I + have named her, I cannot chuse but againe desire you to be kinde to her; + for, besides the merrit her family has on both sides, she is as good a + creature as ever lived. I beleeve she will passe for a handsome woman in + France, though she has not yett, since her lying-inn, recovered that + good shape she had before, and I am affraide never will.”—Dalxymple’s + Memoirs, vol. ii. p. 26. “The Count de Grammont fell dangerously ill in + the year 1696; of which the king (Louis XIV.) being informed, and + knowing, besides, that he was inclined to libertinism, he was pleased to + send the Marquis of Dangeau to see how he did, and to advise him to + think of God. Hereupon Count de Grammont, turning towards his wife, who + had ever been a very devout lady, told her, Countess, if you don’t look + to it, Dangeau will juggle you out of my conversion. Madame de l’Enclos + having afterwards written to M. de St Evremond that Count de Grammont + was recovered, and turned devout,—I have learned, answered he to + her, with a great deal of pleasure, that Count de Grammont has recovered + his former health, and acquired a new devotion. Hitherto I have been + contented with being a plain honest man; but I must do something more; + and I only wait for your example to become a devotee. You live in a + country where people have wonderful advantages of saving their souls, + there vice is almost as opposite to the mode as to virtue; sinning + passes for ill-breeding, and shocks decency and good manners, as much as + religion, Formerly it was enough to be wicked; now one must be a + scoundrel withal, to be damned in France. They who have not regard + enough for another life, are led to salvation by the consideration and + duties of this.” —“But there is enough upon a subject in which the + conversion of the Count de Grammont has engaged me: I believe it to be + sincere and honest. It well becomes a man who is not young, to forget he + has been so.”—Life of St. Evremond, by Des Marzeaux, p. 136; and + St. Evremond’s Works, vol. ii. p. 431.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + PG EDITOR’S BOOKMARKS: All day poring over his books, and went to bed + soon Ambition to pass for a wit, only established her tiresome An + affectation of purity of manners As all fools are who have good memories + Better memory for injuries than for benefits Better to know nothing at + all, than to know too much Better to partake with another than to have + nothing at all Busy without consequence By a strange perversion of + language, styled, all men of honour Despising everything which was not + like themselves Devote himself to his studies, than to the duties of + matrimony Duke would see things if he could Embellish the truth, in + order to enhance the wonder Entreating pardon, and at the same time + justifying her conduct Envy each other those indulgences which + themselves refuse Every thing that is necessary is honourable in + politics Four dozen of patches, at least, and ten ringlets of hair Good + attendants, but understood cheating still better Great earnestness + passed for business Grew so fat and plump that it was a blessing to see + her Hardly possible for a woman to have less wit, or more beauty He had + no sentiments but such as others inspired him with He talked eternally, + without saying anything He as little feared the Marquis as he loved him + His mistress given him by his priests for penance How I must hate you, + if I did not love you to distraction Impenetrable stupidity (passed) for + secrecy Impertinent compliments Life, in his opinion, was too short to + read all sorts of books Long habit of suffering himself to be robbed by + his domestics Maxim of all jealous husbands Never felt the pressure of + indigence Not disagreeable, but he had a serious contemplative air Not + that he wanted capacity, but he was too self-sufficient Obstinate + against all other advices Offended that his good fortune raised him no + rivals One amour is creditable to a lady Possessed but little raillery, + and still less patience Public is not so easily deceived as some people + imagine Public grows familiar with everything by habit Reasons of state + assume great privileges Resolved to renounce the church for the + salvation of my soul She just said what she ought, and no more So weak + as to transform your slave into your tyrant Terrible piece of furniture + for the country (educated girl) The shortest follies are the best There + are men of real merit, or pretenders to it They can by no means bear the + inconstancy of their mistresses Those who open a book merely to find + fault Very willing to accept, but was tardy in making returns Wealth was + necessary for the conveniencies of a long life What jealousy fears, and + what it always deserves What a glory would it be to have a Cato for a + husband Would have been criminal even in chastity to spare (her husband) + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Memoirs of Count Grammont, Complete, by +Anthony Hamilton + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COUNT GRAMMONT *** + +***** This file should be named 5416-h.htm or 5416-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/5/4/1/5416/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Memoirs of Count Grammont, Complete + +Author: Anthony Hamilton + +Editor: Sir Walter Scott + +Release Date: April, 2004 [EBook #5416] +Posting Date: June 22, 2009 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COUNT GRAMMONT *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +MEMOIRS OF COUNT GRAMMONT + +By Anthony Hamilton + +Edited, With Notes, By Sir Walter Scott + + + +CONTENTS: + + BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH OF ANTHONY HAMILTON + + CHAPTER FIRST. + INTRODUCTION + + CHAPTER SECOND. + ARRIVAL OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT AT THE SIEGE OF TRINO, + AND THE LIFE HE LED THERE + + CHAPTER THIRD. + EDUCATION AND ADVENTURES OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT BEFORE + HIS COMING TO THE SIEGE OF TRINO + + CHAPTER FOURTH. + HIS ARRIVAL AT THE COURT OF TURIN, AND HOW HE SPENT HIS TIME THERE + + CHAPTER FIFTH. + HE RETURNS TO THE COURT OF FRANCE--HIS ADVENTURES AT THE SIEGE OF + ARRAS--HIS REPLY TO CARDINAL MAZARIN--HE IS BANISHED THE COURT + + CHAPTER SIXTH. + HIS ARRIVAL AT THE ENGLISH COURT--THE VARIOUS PERSONAGES OF + THIS COURT + + CHAPTER SEVENTH. + HE FALLS IN LOVE WITH MISS HAMILTON--VARIOUS ADVENTURES AT THE BALL + IN THE QUEEN'S DRAWING-ROOM--CURIOUS VOYAGE OF HIS VALET-DE-CHAMBRE + TO AND FROM PARIS + + CHAPTER EIGHTH. + FUNNY ADVENTURE OF THE CHAPLAIN POUSSATIN--THE STORY OF THE SIEGE OF + LERIDA--MARRIAGE OF THE DUKE OF YORK, AND OTHER DETAILS ABOUT THE + ENGLISH COURT + + CHAPTER NINTH. + VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT + + CHAPTER TENTH. + OTHER LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT + + CHAPTER ELEVENTH. + RETURN OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT TO FRANCE--HE IS SENT BACK TO + ENGLAND--VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THIS COURT, AND MARRIAGE OF MOST + OF THE HEROES OF THESE MEMOIRS + + + + +BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH OF ANTHONY HAMILTON. + + +Anthony Hamilton, the celebrated author of the Grammont Memoirs, much +cannot now be with certainty known. + + [For uniformity's sake the writer of this sketch has followed the + Memoirs in the spelling of this name; but he thinks it necessary to + observe that it should be Gramont, not Grammont.] + +The accounts prefixed to the different editions of his works, down to +the year 1805, are very imperfect; in that year a new, and, in general, +far better edition than any of the preceding ones, was published in +Paris, to which a sketch of his life was also added; but it contains +rather just criticisms on his works, than any very novel or satisfactory +anecdote concerning himself. It is not pretended here to gratify +literary curiosity as fully as it ought to be, with regard to this +singular and very ingenious man; some effort, however, may be made to +communicate a few more particulars relative to him, than the public has +hitherto, perhaps, been acquainted with. + +Anthony Hamilton was of the noble family of that name: Sir George +Hamilton, his father, was a younger son of James, Earl of Abercorn, a +native of Scotland. His mother was daughter of Lord Thurles, and +sister to James, the first Duke of Ormond; his family and connections +therefore, on the maternal side, were entirely Irish. He was, as well as +his brothers and sisters, born in Ireland, it is generally said, about +the year 1646; but there is some reason to imagine that it was three or +four years earlier. The place of his birth, according to the best family +accounts, was Roscrea, in the county of Tipperary, the usual residence +of his father when not engaged by military or public business. + + [In September, 1646, Owen O'Neale took Roscrea, and, as Carte says, + "put man, woman, and child to the sword, except Sir George + Hamilton's lady, sister to the Marquis of Ormond, and some few + gentlewomen whom he kept prisoners." No family suffered more in + those disastrous times than the house of Ormond. Lady Hamilton died + in August, 1680, as appears from an interesting and affecting letter + of her brother, the Duke of Ormond, dated Carrick, August 25th. He + had lost his noble son, Lord Ossory, not three weeks before.] + +It has been always said, that the family migrated to France when Anthony +was an infant; but this is not the fact: "Sir George Hamilton," says +Carte, "would have accompanied his brother-in-law, the Marquis of +Ormond, to France, in December, 1650: but, as he was receiver-general +in Ireland, he stayed to pass his accounts, which he did to the +satisfaction of all parties, notwithstanding much clamour had been +raised against him." When that business was settled, he, in the spring +of 1651, took Lady Hamilton and all his family to France, and resided +with Lord and Lady Ormond, near Caen, in Normandy, in great poverty +and distress, till the Marchioness of Ormond, a lady whose mind was as +exalted as her birth, went over to England, and, after much solicitation +obtained two thousand pounds a year from her own and, her husband's +different estates in Ireland. + + [Hence possibly Voltaire's mistake in stating that Hamilton was born + at Caen, in his Catalogue des Ecrivains du Siecle de Louis XIV.] + +This favour was granted her by Cromwell, who always professed the +greatest respect for her. The Marchioness resided in Ireland, with the +younger part of her family, from 1655 till after the Restoration; while +the Marquis of Ormond continued for a considerable part of that +period with his two sisters, Lady Clancarty and Lady Hamilton, at the +Feuillatines, in the Faubourg St. Jacques, in Paris. + +It appears from a letter of the Marquis to Sir Robert Southwell, that, +although he himself was educated in the Protestant religion, not only +his father and mother, but all his brothers and sisters, were bred, and +always continued, Roman Catholics. Sir George Hamilton also, according +to Carte, was a Roman Catholic; Anthony, therefore, was bred in the +religion of his family, and conscientiously adhered to it through life. + + [That historian states that the king (Charles I.) deprived several + papists of their military commissions, and, among others, Sir George + Hamilton, who, notwithstanding, served him with loyalty and + unvarying fidelity.] + +He entered early into the army of Louis XIV., as did his brothers +George, Richard, and John, the former of whom introduced the company of +English gens d'armes into France, in 1667, according to Le Pere Daniel, +author of the History of the French Army, who adds the following short +account of its establishment: Charles II., being restored to his throne, +brought over to England several catholic officers and soldiers, who +had served abroad with him and his brother, the Duke of York, and +incorporated them with his guards; but the parliament having obliged him +to dismiss all officers who were Catholics, the king permitted George +Hamilton to take such as were willing to accompany him to France, where +Louis XIV. formed them into a company of gens d'armes, and being +highly pleased with them, became himself their captain, and made George +Hamilton their captain-lieutenant:--[They were composed of English, +Scotch, and Irish.] Whether Anthony belonged to this corps I know not; +but this is certain, that he distinguished himself particularly in +his profession, and was advanced to considerable posts in the French +service. + +Anthony Hamilton's residence was now almost constantly in France. Some +years previous to this he had been much in England, and, towards +the close of Charles II.'s reign, in Ireland, where so many of his +connections remained. When James II. succeeded to the throne, the door +being then opened to the Roman Catholics, he entered into the Irish +army, where we find him, in 1686, a lieutenant-colonel in Sir Thomas +Newcomen's regiment. That he did not immediately hold a higher rank +there, may perhaps be attributed to the recent accession of the king, +his general absence from Ireland, the advanced age of his uncle, the +Duke of Ormond, and, more than all, perhaps, to his Grace's early +disapprobation of James's conduct in Ireland, which displayed itself +more fully afterwards, especially in the ecclesiastical promotions. + +Henry, Earl of Clarendon, son to the lord-chancellor, was at that time +lord-lieutenant of Ireland, and appears, notwithstanding his general +distrust and dislike of the Catholics, to have held Anthony Hamilton in +much estimation: he speaks of his knowledge of, and constant attention +to, the duties of his profession; his probity, and the dependance that +was to be placed on him, in preference to others of the same religious +persuasion, and, in October, 1686, wrote to the Earl of Sunderland +respecting him, as follows: "I have only this one thing more to trouble +your lordship with at present, concerning Colonel Anthony Hamilton, +to get him a commission to command as colonel, though he is but +lieutenant-colonel to Sir Thomas Newcomen, in regard of the commands he +has had abroad: and I am told it is often done in France, which makes +me hope it will not be counted an unreasonable request. I would likewise +humbly recommend to make Colonel Anthony Hamilton a privy-councillor +here." Lord Clarendon's recommendations were ultimately successful: +Hamilton was made a privy-councillor in Ireland, and had a pension of +L200 a year on the Irish establishment; and was appointed governor +of Limerick, in the room of Sir William King, notwithstanding he had +strongly opposed the new-modelling of the army by the furious Tyrconnel. +In the brief accounts which have been given of his life, it is said that +he had a regiment of infantry; but, though this is very probable, +there is no mention whatever of his commanding a regiment in the lists +published of King James's army, which are supposed to be very accurate: +he is indeed set down among the general officers. Lord Clarendon, in one +of his letters to the lord-treasurer, states, "That the news of the day +was, that Colonel Russell was to be lieutenant-colonel to the Duke +of Ormond's regiment, and that Colonel Anthony Hamilton was to have +Russell's regiment, and that Mr. Luttrell was to be lieutenant-colonel +to Sir Thomas Newcomen, in the place of Anthony Hamilton." It is not +known whether Anthony was present at the battle of the Boyne, or of +Aughrim: his brother John was killed at the latter; and Richard, who +was a lieutenant-general, led on the cavalry with uncommon gallantry and +spirit at the Boyne it is to be wished that his candour and integrity +had equalled his courage; but, he acted with great duplicity; and King +William's contemptuous echoing back his word to him, when he declared +something on his honour, is well known: He is frequently mentioned +by Lord Clarendon, but by no means with the same approbation as his +brother. After the total overthrow of James's affairs in Ireland, the +two brothers finally quitted these kingdoms, and retired to France. +Richard lived much with the Cardinal de Bouillon, who was the great +protector of the Irish in France, and kept (what must have been indeed +highly consolatory to many an emigrant of condition) a magnificent +table, which has been recorded in the most glowing and grateful terms, +by that gay companion, and celebrated lover of good cheer, Philippe de +Coulanges, who occasionally mentions the "amiable Richard Hamilton" as +one of the cardinal's particular intimates. Anthony, who was regarded +particularly as a man of letters and elegant talents, resided almost +entirely at St. Germain: solitary walks in the forest of that place +occupied his leisure hours in the morning; and poetical pursuits, or +agreeable society, engaged the evening: but much of his time seems to +have rolled heavily along; his sister, Madame de Grammont, living +more at court, or in Paris, than always suited his inclinations or his +convenience. His great resource at St. Germain was the family of the +Duke of Berwick (son of James II.): that nobleman appears to have been +amiable in private life, and his attachment to Hamilton was steady and +sincere. The Duchess of Berwick was also his friend. It is necessary to +mention this lady particularly, as well as her sisters: they were the +daughters of Henry Bulkeley, son to the first viscount of that name: +their father had been master of the household to Charles: their mother +was Lady Sophia Stewart, sister to the beautiful Duchess of Richmond, +so conspicuous in the Grammont Memoirs. The sisters of the Duchess of +Berwick were Charlotte, married to Lord Clare, Henrietta, and Laura. +They all occupy a considerable space in Hamilton's correspondence, and +the two last are the ladies so often addressed as the Mademoiselles B.; +they are almost the constant subjects of Hamilton's verses; and it is +recorded that he was a particular admirer of Henrietta Bulkeley; but +their union would have been that of hunger and thirst, for both were +very poor and very illustrious: their junction would, of course, have +militated against every rule of common prudence. To the influence of +this lady, particularly, we are indebted for one or two of Hamilton's +agreeable novels: she had taste enough to laugh at the extravagant +stories then so much in fashion, "plus arabes qu'en Arabie," as Hamilton +says; and he, in compliance with her taste, and his own, soon put +the fashionable tales to flight, by the publication of the 'Quatre +Facardins', and, more especially, 'La Fleur d'Epine'. + + [They were wretched imitations of some of the Persian and Arabian + tales, in which everything was distorted, and rendered absurd and + preposterous.] + +Some of the introductory verses to these productions are written with +peculiar ease and grace; and are highly extolled, and even imitated, by +Voltaire. La Harpe praises the Fleur d'Epine, as the work of an original +genius: I do not think, however, that they are much relished in +England, probably because very ill translated. Another of his literary +productions was the novel called Le Belier, which he wrote on the +following occasion: Louis XIV. had presented to the Countess of Grammont +(whom he highly esteemed) a remarkably elegant small country house in +the park of Versailles: this house became so fashionable a resort, and +brought such constant visitors, that the Count de Grammont said, in his +usual way, he would present the king with a list of all the persons he +was obliged to entertain there, as more suited to his Majesty's purse +than his own: the countess wished to change the name of the place +from the vulgar appellation of Le Moulineau into that of Pentalie: and +Hamilton, in his novel, wrote a history of a giant, an enchantment, and +a princess, to commemorate her resolution. It has however happened that +the giant Moulineau has had the advantage in the course of time; for +the estate, which is situated near Meudon, upon the Seine, retains its +original and popular designation. + +About the year 1704, Hamilton turned his attention to collecting +the memoirs of his brother-in-law, the Count de Grammont, as we may +conjecture, from the epistle beginning "Honneur des rives eloignees" +being written towards the close of the above year: it is dated, or +supposed to be so, from the banks of the Garonne. Among other authors +whom Hamilton at first proposes to Grammont, as capable of writing +his life (though, on reflection, he thinks them not suited to it), is +Boileau, whose genius he professes to admire; but adds that his muse has +somewhat of malignity; and that such a muse might caress with one hand +and satirize him with the other. This letter was sent by Hamilton to +Boileau, who answered him with great politeness; but, at the same time +that he highly extolled the epistle to Grammont, he, very naturally, +seemed anxious to efface any impression which such a representation of +his satiric vein might make on the Count's mind, and accordingly added +a few complimentary verses to him: this letter is dated, Paris, 8th +February, 1705. About the same time, another letter was written to +Hamilton on the subject of the Epistle to Grammont, by La Chapelle, who +also seemed desirous that his life should be given to the public, but +was much perplexed which of the most celebrated ancients to compare the +count to. Mecaenas first presented himself to his imagination: absurdly +enough, in my opinion; for there was not a trace of similitude between +the two characters. This, however, afforded him some opportunity, as he +thought, of discovering a resemblance between Horace and Hamilton, in +which he equally failed. Petronius is then brought forward, as affording +some comparison to the Count;--a man of pleasure, giving up the day to +sleep, and the night to entertainment; but then, adds La Chapelle, it +will be suggested that, such is the perpetual activity of the Count of +Grammont's mind, he may be said to sleep neither night nor day; and if +Petronius died, the Count seems determined never to die at all. (He was +at this time about eighty-five years of age.) It may well be supposed +that all this, though now perfectly vapid and uninteresting, was +extremely flattering to Grammont; and the result was, that he very much +wished to have his life, or part of it, at least, given to the public. +Hamilton, who had been so long connected with him, and with whose +agreeable talents he was now so familiarized, was, on every account, +singled out by him as the person who could best introduce him +historically to the public. It is ridiculous to mention Grammont as the +author of his own Memoirs: his excellence, as a man of wit, was entirely +limited to conversation. Bussy Rabutin, who knew him perfectly, states +that he wrote almost worse than any one. If this was said, and very +truly, of him in his early days, it can hardly be imagined that he +would, when between eighty and ninety years of age, commence a regular, +and, in point of style, most finished composition. Besides, independent +of everything else, what man would so outrage all decorum as to call +himself the admiration of the age? for so is Grammont extolled in the +Memoirs, with a variety of other encomiastic expressions; although, +perhaps, such vanity has not been without example. Hamilton, it is +true, says that he acts as Grammont's secretary, and only holds the pen, +whilst the Count dictates to him such particulars of his life as were +the most singular, and least known. This is said with great modesty, +and, as to part of the work, perhaps with great truth: it requires, +however, some explanation. Grammont was more than twenty years older +than Hamilton; consequently, the earlier part of his life could +only have been known, or was best known, to the latter from repeated +conversations, and the long intimacy which subsisted between them. +Whether Grammont formally dictated the events of his younger days, or +not, is of little consequence from his general character, it is probable +that he did not. However, the whole account of such adventures as he was +engaged in, from his leaving home to his interview with Cardinal Mazarin +(excepting the character of Monsieur de Senantes, and Matta, who was +well known to Hamilton), the relation of the siege of Lerida, the +description of Gregorio Brice, and the inimitable discovery of his own +magnificent suit of clothes on the ridiculous bridegroom at Abbeville; +all such particulars must have been again and again repeated to Hamilton +by Grammont, and may therefore be fairly grounded on the count's +authority. The characters of the court of Charles II., and its history, +are to be ascribed to Hamilton: from his residence, at various times, +in the court of London, his connection with the Ormond family, not +to mention others, he must have been well acquainted with them. Lady +Chesterfield, who may be regarded almost as the heroine of the work, was +his cousin-german. + + [She was born at the castle of Kilkenny, July, 1640, as appears from + Carte's life of her father, the Duke of Ormond.] + +But, although the history altogether was written by Hamilton, it may +not perhaps be known to every reader that Grammont himself sold the +manuscript for fifteen hundred livres; and when it was brought to +Fontenelle, then censor of the press, he refused to license it, +from respect to the character of the Count, which, he thought, was +represented as that of a gambler, and an unprincipled one too. In fact, +Grammont, like many an old gentleman, seems to have recollected the +gaieties of his youth with more complaisance than was necessary, and has +drawn them in pretty strong colours in that part of the work which is +more particularly his own. He laughed at poor Fontenelle's scruples, and +complained to the chancellor, who forced the censor to acquiesce: the +license was granted, and the Count put the whole of the money, or the +best part of it, in his pocket, though he acknowledged the work to be +Hamilton's. This is exactly correspondent to his general character: when +money was his object, he had little, or rather no delicacy. + +The History of Grammont may be considered as unique there is nothing +like it in any language. For drollery, knowledge of the world, various +satire, general utility, united with great vivacity of composition, +Gil Blas is unrivalled: but, as a merely agreeable book, the Memoirs +of Grammont perhaps deserve that character more than any which was +ever written: it is pleasantry throughout, pleasantry of the best +sort, unforced, graceful, and engaging. Some French critic has justly +observed, that, if any book were to be selected as affording the truest +specimen of perfect French gaiety, the Memoirs of Grammont would be +selected in preference to all others. This has a Frenchman said of the +work of a foreigner: but that foreigner possessed much genius, had lived +from his youth, not only in the best society of France, but with the +most singular and agreeable man that France could produce. Still, +however, though Grammont and Hamilton were of dispositions very +different, the latter must have possessed talents peculiarly brilliant, +and admirably adapted to coincide with, and display those of his +brother-in-law to the utmost advantage. Gibbon extols the "ease and +purity of Hamilton's inimitable style;" and in this he is supported by +Voltaire, although he adds the censure, that the Grammont Memoirs are, +in point of materials, the most trifling; he might also in truth have +said, the most improper. The manners of the court of Charles II. were, +to the utmost, profligate and abandoned: yet in what colours have they +been drawn by Hamilton? The elegance of his pencil has rendered them +more seductive and dangerous, than if it had more faithfully copied the +originals. From such a mingled mass of grossness of language, and of +conduct, one would have turned away with disgust and abhorrence; but +Hamilton was, to use the words of his admirer, Lord Orford, "superior to +the indelicacy of the court," whose vices he has so agreeably depicted; +and that superiority has sheltered such vices from more than half the +oblivion which would now have for ever concealed them. + +The Count de Grammont died in 1707. Some years after the publication +of his Memoirs, Hamilton was engaged in a very different work: he +translated Pope's Essay on Criticism into French, and, as it should +seem, so much to that great poet's satisfaction, that he wrote a +very polite letter of thanks to him, which is inserted in Pope's +Correspondence. Hamilton's Essay was, I believe, never printed, though +Pope warmly requested to have that permission: the reign of Louis XIV. +had now ceased; and, for several years before his death, the character +of the old court of that prince had ceased also: profligacy and gaiety +had given way to devotion and austerity. Of Hamilton's friends and +literary acquaintance few were left: the Duke of Berwick was employed in +the field, or at Versailles: some of the ladies, however, continued at +St. Germain; and in their society, particularly that of his niece, +the Countess of Stafford (in whose name he carried on a lively +correspondence with Lady Mary Wortley Montague), he passed much of his +time. He occasionally indulged in poetical compositions, of a style +suited to his age and character; and when he was past seventy, he +wrote that excellent copy of verses, 'Sur l' Usage de la Vie dans +la Vieillesse'; which, for grace of style, justness, and purity of +sentiment, does honour to his memory. + +Hamilton died at St. Germain, in April, 1720, aged about seventy-four. +His death was pious and resigned. From his poem, entitled Reflections, +he appears, like some other authors, to have turned his mind, in old +age, entirely to those objects of sacred regard, which, sooner or later, +must engage the attention of every rational mind. To poetry he bids an +eternal adieu, in language which breathes no diminution of genius, at +the moment that he for ever recedes from the poetical character. But he +aspired to a better. + +Whatever were Hamilton's errors, his general character was respectable. +He has been represented as grave, and even dull, in society; the very +reverse, in short, of what he appears in his Memoirs: but this is +probably exaggerated. Unquestionably, he had not the unequalled vivacity +of the Count de Grammont in conversation; as Grammont was, on the other +hand, inferior, in all respects, to Hamilton when the pen was in his +hand; the latter was, however, though reserved in a large society, +particularly agreeable in a more select one. Some of his letters remain, +in which he alludes to his want of that facility at impromptu which +gave such brilliancy to the conversation of some of his brother wits +and contemporaries. But, while we admit the truth of this, let it be +remembered, at the same time, that when he wrote this, he was by no +means young; that he criticised his own defects with severity; that he +was poor, and living in a court which itself subsisted on the alms of +another. Amidst such circumstances, extemporary gaiety cannot always be +found. I can suppose, that the Duchess of Maine, who laid claim to the +character of a patroness of wit, and, like many who assert such claims, +was very troublesome, very self-sufficient, and very 'exigeante', +might not always have found that general superiority, or even transient +lustre, which she expected in Hamilton's society: yet, considering the +great difference of their age and situation, this circumstance will +not greatly impeach his talents for conversation. But the work of real +genius must for ever remain; and of Hamilton's genius, the Grammont +Memoirs will always continue a beauteous and graceful monument. To +that monument may also be added, the candour, integrity, and unassuming +virtues of the amiable author. + + + + +CHAPTER FIRST. INTRODUCTION + + +As those who read only for amusement are, in my opinion, more worthy of +attention than those who open a book merely to find fault, to the former +I address myself, and for their entertainment commit the following +pages to press, without being in the least concerned about the severe +criticisms of the latter. I further declare, that the order of time and +disposition of the facts, which give more trouble to the writer than +pleasure to the reader, shall not much embarrass me in these Memoirs. +It being my design to convey a just idea of my hero, those circumstances +which most tend to illustrate and distinguish his character shall find +a place in these fragments just as they present themselves to +my imagination, without paying any particular attention to their +arrangement. For, after all, what does it signify where the portrait +is begun, provided the assemblage of the parts forms a whole which +perfectly expresses the original? The celebrated Plutarch, who treats +his heroes as he does his readers, commences the life of the one just as +he thinks fit, and diverts the attention of the other with digressions +into antiquity, or agreeable passages of literature, which frequently +have no reference to the subject; for instance, he tells us that +Demetrius Poliorcetes was far from being so tall as his father, +Antigonus; and afterwards, that his reputed father, Antigonus, was only +his uncle; but this is not until he has begun his life with a short +account of his death, his various exploits, his good and bad qualities; +and at last, out of compassion to his failings, brings forward a +comparison between him and the unfortunate Mark Antony. + +What I have said upon this subject is not meant to reflect upon this +historian, to whom, of all the ancients, we are most obliged; it is only +intended to authorize the manner in which I have treated a life far more +extraordinary than any of those he has transmitted to us. It is my part +to describe a man whose inimitable character casts a veil over those +faults which I shall neither palliate nor disguise; a man distinguished +by a mixture of virtues and vices so closely linked together as in +appearance to form a necessary dependence, glowing with the greatest +beauty when united, shining with the brightest lustre when opposed. + +It is this indefinable brilliancy, which, in war, in love, in gaming, +and in the various stages of a long life, has rendered the Count de +Grammont the admiration of his age, and the delight of every country +wherein he has displayed his engaging wit, dispensed his generosity and +magnificence, or practised his inconstancy: it is owing to this that +the sallies of a sprightly imagination have produced those admirable +bons-mots which have been with universal applause transmitted to +posterity. It is owing to this that he preserved his judgment free and +unembarrassed in the most trying situations, and enjoyed an uncommon +presence of mind and facetiousness of temper in the most imminent +dangers of war. I shall not attempt to draw his portrait: his person has +been described by Bussi and St. Evremond, authors more entertaining than +faithful. + + [Voltaire, in the age of Louis XIV., ch. 24, speaking of that + monarch, says, "even at the same time when he began to encourage + genius by his liberality, the Count de Bussi was severely punished + for the use he made of his: he was sent to the Bastile in 1664. + 'The Amours of the Gauls' was the pretence of his imprisonment; but + the true cause was the song in which the king was treated with too + much freedom, and which, upon this occasion, was brought to + remembrance to ruin Bussi, the reputed author of it. + + Que Deodatus est heureux, + De baiser ce bec amoureux, + Qui d'une oreille a l'autre va! + + See Deodatus with his billing dear, + Whose amorous mouth breathes love from ear to ear! + + "His works were not good enough to compensate for the mischief they + did him. He spoke his own language with purity: he had some merit, + but more conceit: and he made no use of the merit he had, but to + make himself enemies." Voltaire adds, "Bussi was released at the + end of eighteen months; but he was in disgrace all the rest of his + life, in vain protesting a regard for Louis XIV." Bussi died 1693. + Of St. Evremond, see note, postea.] + +The former has represented the Chevalier Grammont as artful, fickle, and +even somewhat treacherous in his amours, and indefatigable and cruel +in his jealousies. St. Evremond has used other colours to express the +genius and describe the general manners of the Count; whilst both, in +their different pictures, have done greater honour to themselves than +justice to their hero. + +It is, therefore, to the Count we must listen, in the agreeable relation +of the sieges and battles wherein he distinguished himself under another +hero; and it is on him we must rely for the truth of passages the least +glorious of his life, and for the sincerity with which he relates his +address, vivacity, frauds, and the various stratagems he practised +either in love or gaming. These express his true character, and to +himself we owe these memoirs, since I only hold the pen, while he +directs it to the most remarkable and secret passages of his life. + + + + +CHAPTER SECOND. ARRIVAL OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT AT THE SIEGE OF TRINO, +AND THE LIFE HE LED THERE + + +In those days affairs were not managed in France as at present. Louis +XIII.--[Son and successor of Henry IV. He began to reign 14th May, 1610, +and died 14th May, 1643.]--then sat upon the throne, but the Cardinal de +Richelieu, governed the kingdom; great men commanded little armies, and +little armies did great things; the fortune of great men depended solely +upon ministerial favour, and blind devotion to the will of the minister +was the only sure method of advancement. + + [Of this great minister Mr. Hume gives the following character:-- + + "Undaunted, Undaunted and implacable, prudent and active, he braved + all the opposition of the French princes and nobles in the + prosecution of his vengeance; he discovered and dissipated all their + secret cabals and conspiracies. His sovereign himself he held in + subjection, while he exalted the throne. The people, while they + lost their liberties, acquired, by means of his administration, + learning, order, discipline, and renown."] + +Vast designs were then laying in the heart of neighbouring states the +foundation of that formidable greatness to which France has now risen: +the police was somewhat neglected; the highways were impassable by day, +and the streets by night; but robberies were committed elsewhere with +greater impunity. Young men, on their first entrance into the world, +took what course they thought proper. Whoever would, was a chevalier, +and whoever could, an abbe: I mean a beneficed abbe: dress made no +distinction between them; and I believe the Chevalier Grammont was both +the one and the other at the siege of Trino.--[Trino was taken 4th +May, 1639.]--This was his first campaign, and here he displayed those +attractive graces which so favourably prepossess, and require neither +friends nor recommendations in any company to procure a favourable +reception. The siege was already formed when he arrived, which saved him +some needless risks; for a volunteer cannot rest at ease until he has +stood the first fire: he went therefore to reconnoitre the generals, +having no occasion to reconnoitre the place. Prince Thomas commanded +the army; and as the post of lieutenant-general was not then known, Du +Plessis Pralin and the famous Viscount Turenne were his majors general. +Fortified places were treated with some respect, before a power which +nothing can withstand had found means to destroy them by dreadful +showers of bombs, and by destructive batteries of hundreds of pieces of +cannon. Before these furious storms which drive governors underground +and reduce their garrisons to powder, repeated sallies bravely repulsed, +and vigorous attacks nobly sustained, signalized both the art of the +besiegers and the courage of the besieged; consequently, sieges were of +some length, and young men had an opportunity of gaining some knowledge. +Many brave actions were performed on each side during the siege of +Trino; a great deal of fatigue was endured, and considerable losses +sustained; but fatigue was no more considered, hardships were no more +felt in the trenches, gravity was at an end with the generals, and the +troops were no longer dispirited after the arrival of the Chevalier +Grammont. Pleasure was his pursuit, and he made it universal. + +Among the officers in the army, as in all other places, there are men of +real merit, or pretenders to it. The latter endeavoured to imitate the +Chevalier Grammont in his most shining qualities, but without success; +the former admired his talents and courted his friendship. Of this +number was Matta: + + [Matta, or Matha, of whom Hamilton has drawn so striking a picture, + is said to have been of the house of Bourdeille, which had the + honour to produce Brautome and Montresor. The combination of + indolence and talent, of wit and simplicity, of bluntness and irony, + with which he is represented, may have been derived from tradition, + but could only have been united into the inimitable whole by the pen + of Hamilton. Several of his bons-mots have been preserved; but the + spirit evaporates in translation. "Where could I get this nose," + said Madame D'Albret, observing a slight tendency to a flush in that + feature. "At the side board, Madame," answered Matta. When the + same lady, in despair at her brother's death, refused all + nourishment, Matta administered this blunt consolation: "If you are + resolved, madame, never again to swallow food, you do well; but if + ever you mean to eat upon any future occasion, believe me, you may + as well begin just now." Madame Caylus, in her Souvenirs, + commemorates the simple and natural humour of Matta as rendering him + the most delightful society in the world. Mademoiselle, in her + Memoirs, alludes to his pleasantry in conversation, and turn for + deep gaming. When the Memoirs of Grammont were subjected to the + examination of Fontenelle, then censor of the Parisian press, he + refused to license them, or account of the scandalous conduct + imputed to Grammont in this party at quinze. The count no sooner + heard of this than he hastened to Fontenelle, and having joked him + for being more tender of his reputation than he was himself, the + license was instantly issued. The censor might have retorted upon + Grammont the answer which the count made to a widow who received + coldly his compliments of condolence on her husband's death: "Nay, + madame, if that is the way you take it, I care as little about it as + you do." He died in 1674. "Matta est mort sans confession," says + Madame Maintenon, in a letter to her brother. Tome I., p. 67.] + +He was agreeable in his person, but still more by the natural turn of +his wit; he was plain and simple in his manners, but endued with a quick +discernment and refined delicacy, and full of candour and integrity in +all his actions. The Chevalier Grammont was not long in discovering his +amiable qualities; an acquaintance was soon formed, and was succeeded by +the strictest intimacy. + +Matta insisted that the Chevalier should take up his quarters with him; +to which he only consented on condition of equally contributing to the +expense. As they were both liberal and magnificent, at their common cost +they gave the best designed and most luxurious entertainments that had +ever yet been seen. Play was wonderfully productive at first, and the +Chevalier restored by a hundred different ways that which he obtained +only by one. The generals, being entertained by turns, admired their +magnificence, and were dissatisfied with their own officers for not +keeping such good tables and attendance. The Chevalier had the talent of +setting off the most indifferent things to advantage; and his wit was so +generally acknowledged, that it was a kind of disgrace not to submit to +his taste. To him Matta resigned the care of furnishing the table and +doing its honours; and, charmed with the general applause, persuaded +himself that nothing could be more honourable than their way of living, +and nothing more easy than to continue it; but he soon perceived that +the greatest prosperity is not the most lasting. Good living, bad +economy, dishonest servants, and ill-luck, all uniting together to +disconcert their housekeeping, their table was going to be gradually +laid aside, when the Chevalier's genius, fertile in resources, undertook +to support his former credit by the following expedient. + +They had never yet conferred about the state of their finances, although +the steward had acquainted each, separately, that he must either receive +money to continue the expenses, or give in his accounts. One day, when +the Chevalier came home sooner than usual, he found Matta fast asleep in +an easy chair, and, being unwilling to disturb his rest, he began musing +on his project. Matta awoke without his perceiving it; and having, for +a short time, observed the deep contemplation he seemed involved in, +and the profound silence between two persons who had never held their +tongues for a moment when together before, he broke it by a sudden fit +of laughter, which increased in proportion as the other stared at him. +"A merry way of waking, and ludicrous enough," said the Chevalier; +"what is the matter, and whom do you laugh at!" "Faith, Chevalier," said +Matta, "I am laughing at a dream I had just now, which is so natural and +diverting, that I must make you laugh at it also. I was dreaming that we +had dismissed our maitre-d'hotel, our cook, and our confectioner, having +resolved, for the remainder of the campaign, to live upon others as +others have lived upon us: this was my dream. Now tell me, Chevalier, on +what were you musing?" "Poor fellow!" said the Chevalier, shrugging up +his shoulders, "you are knocked down at once, and thrown into the utmost +consternation and despair at some silly stories which the maitre-d'hotel +has been telling you as well as me. What! after the figure we have made +in the face of the nobility and foreigners in the army, shall we give it +up, and like fools and beggars sneak off, upon the first failure of +our money! Have you no sentiments of honour? Where is the dignity of +France?" "And where is the money?" said Matta; "for my men say, the +devil may take them, if there be ten crowns in the house, and I believe +you have not much more, for it is above a week since I have seen you +pull out your purse, or count your money, an amusement you were very +fond of in prosperity." "I own all this," said the Chevalier, "but yet I +will force you to confess, that you are but a mean-spirited fellow upon +this occasion. What would have become of you if you had been reduced to +the situation I was in at Lyons, four days before I arrived here? I will +tell you the story." + + + + +CHAPTER THIRD. EDUCATION AND ADVENTURES OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT BEFORE +HIS COMING TO THE SIEGE OF TRINO + + +"This," said Matta, "smells strongly of romance, except that it should +have been your squire's part to tell your adventures." + +"True," said the Chevalier; "however, I may acquaint you with my first +exploits without offending my modesty; besides, my squire's style +borders too much upon the burlesque for an heroic narrative. + +"You must know, then, that upon my arrival at Lyons--" + +"Is it thus you begin?" said Matta. "Pray give us your history a little +further back. The most minute particulars of a life like yours are +worthy of relation; but above all, the manner in which you first +paid your respects to Cardinal Richelieu: I have often laughed at it. +However, you may pass over the unlucky pranks of your infancy, your +genealogy, name and quality of your ancestors, for that is a subject +with which you must be utterly unacquainted." + +"Pooh!" said the Chevalier; "you think that all the world is as ignorant +as yourself; you think that I am a stranger to the Mendores and the +Corisandes. So, perhaps I don't know that it was my father's own fault +that he was not the son of Henry IV. The king would by all means have +acknowledged him for his son, but the traitor would never consent to it. +See what the Grammonts would have been now, but for this cross-grained +fellow! They would have had precedence of the Caesars de Vendome. You +may laugh if you like, yet it is as true as the gospel: but let us come +to the point. + +"I was sent to the college of Pau, with the intention of being brought +up to the church; but as I had quite different views, I made no manner +of improvement: gaming was so much in my head, that both my tutor and +the master lost their labour in endeavouring to teach me Latin. Old +Brinon, who served me both as valet-de-chambre and governor, in vain +threatened to acquaint my mother. I only studied when I pleased, that is +to say, seldom or never: however, they treated me as is customary with +scholars of my quality; I was raised to all the dignities of the forms, +without having merited them, and left college nearly in the same +state in which I entered it; nevertheless, I was thought to have +more knowledge than was requisite for the abbacy which my brother had +solicited for me. He had just married the niece of a minister, to whom +every one cringed: he was desirous to present me to him. I felt but +little regret to quit the country, and great impatience to see Paris. My +brother having kept me some time with him, in order to polish me, let me +loose upon the town to shake off my rustic air, and learn the manners of +the world. I so thoroughly gained them, that I could not be persuaded +to lay them aside when I was introduced at court in the character of an +Abby. You know what kind of dress was then the fashion. All that they +could obtain of me was to put a cassock over my other clothes, and my +brother, ready to die with laughing at my ecclesiastical habit, made +others laugh too. I had the finest head of hair in the world, well +curled and powdered, above my cassock, and below were white buskins and +gilt spurs. The Cardinal, who had a quick discernment, could not help +laughing. This elevation of sentiment gave him umbrage; and he foresaw +what might be expected from a genius that already laughed at the shaven +crown and cowl. + +"When my brother had taken me home, 'Well, my little parson,' said he, +'you have acted your part to admiration, and your parti-coloured dress +of the ecclesiastic and soldier has greatly diverted the court; but +this is not all: you must now choose, my little knight. Consider then, +whether, by sticking to the church, you will possess great revenues, and +have nothing to do; or, with a small portion, you will risk the loss of +a leg or arm, and be the fructus belli of an insensible court, to arrive +in your old age at the dignity of a major-general, with a glass eye and +a wooden leg.' 'I know,' said I, 'that there is no comparison between +these two situations, with regard to the conveniences of life; but, as +a man ought to secure his future state in preference to all other +considerations, I am resolved to renounce the church for the salvation +of my soul, upon condition, however, that I keep my abbacy.' Neither the +remonstrances nor authority of my brother could induce me to change my +resolution; and he was forced to agree to this last article in order +to keep me at the academy. You know that I am the most adroit man in +France, so that I soon learned all that is taught at such places, and, +at the same time, I also learnt that which gives the finishing stroke to +a young fellow's education, and makes him a gentleman, viz. all sorts +of games, both at cards and dice; but the truth is, I thought, at first, +that I had more skill in them than I really had, as experience proved. +When my mother knew the choice I had made, she was inconsolable; for she +reckoned, that had I been a clergyman I should have been a saint; but +now she was certain that I should either be a devil in the world, or be +killed in the wars. And indeed I burned with impatience to be a soldier; +but being yet too young, I was forced to make a campaign at Bidache--[A +principality belonging to the family of the Grammonts, in the Province +of Gascony.]--before I made one in the army. When I returned to my +mother's house, I had so much the air of a courtier and a man of the +world, that she began to respect me, instead of chiding me for my +infatuation towards the army. I became her favourite, and finding me +inflexible, she only thought of keeping me with her as long as she +could, while my little equipage was preparing. The faithful Brinon, +who was to attend me as valet-de-chambre, was likewise to discharge the +office of governor and equerry, being, perhaps, the only Gascon who was +ever possessed of so much gravity and ill-temper. He passed his word +for my good behaviour and morality, and promised my mother that he would +give a good account of my person in the dangers of the war; but I hope +he will keep his word better as to this last article than he has done as +to the former. + +"My equipage was sent away a week before me. This was so much time +gained by my mother to give me good advice. At length, after having +solemnly enjoined me to have the fear of God before my eyes, and to love +my neighbour as myself, she suffered me to depart, under the protection +of the Lord and the sage Brinon. At the second stage we quarrelled. He +had received four hundred louis d'or for the expenses of the campaign: I +wished to have the keeping of them myself, which he strenuously opposed. +'Thou old scoundrel,' said I, 'is the money thine, or was it given +thee for me? You suppose I must have a treasurer, and receive no money +without his order. I know not whether it was from a presentiment of what +afterwards happened that he grew melancholy; however, it was with +the greatest reluctance, and the most poignant anguish, that he found +himself obliged to yield. One would have thought that I had wrested +his very soul from him. I found myself more light and merry after I had +eased him of his trust; he, on the contrary, appeared so overwhelmed +with grief, that it seemed as if I had laid four hundred pounds of lead +upon his back, instead of taking away these four hundred louis. He went +on so heavily, that I was forced to whip his horse myself, and turning +to me, now and then, 'Ah! sir,' said he, my lady did not think it would +be so. 'His reflections and sorrows were renewed at every stage; for, +instead of giving a shilling to the post-boy, I gave him half-a-crown. + +"Having at last reached Lyons, two soldiers stopped us at the gate of +the city, to carry us before the governor. I took one of them to conduct +me to the best inn, and delivered Brinon into the hands of the other, +to acquaint the commandant with the particulars of my journey, and my +future intentions. + +"There are as good taverns at Lyons as at Paris; but my soldier, +according to custom, carried me to a friend of his own, whose house he +extolled as having the best accommodations, and the greatest resort of +good company, in the whole town. The master of this hotel was as big as +a hogshead, his name Cerise; a Swiss by birth, a poisoner by profession, +and a thief by custom. He showed me into a tolerably neat room, and +desired to know whether I pleased to sup by myself or at the ordinary. +I chose the latter, on account of the beau monde which the soldier had +boasted of. + +"Brinon, who was quite out of temper at the many questions which the +governor had asked him, returned more surly than an old ape; and seeing +that I was dressing my hair, in order to go downstairs: 'What are you +about now, sir?' said he. 'Are you going to tramp about the town? No, +no; have we not had tramping enough ever since the morning? Eat a bit +of supper, and go to bed betimes, that you may get on horseback by +day-break.' 'Mr. Comptroller,' said I, 'I shall neither tramp about +the town, nor eat alone, nor go to bed early. I intend to sup with the +company below.' 'At the ordinary!' cried he; 'I beseech you, sir, do +not think of it! Devil take me, if there be not a dozen brawling fellows +playing at cards and dice, who make noise enough to drown the loudest +thunder!' + +"I was grown insolent since I had seized the money; and being desirous +to shake off the yoke of a governor, 'Do you know, Mr. Brinon,' said I, +'that I don't like a blockhead to set up for a reasoner? Do you go +to supper, if you please; but take care that I have post-horses ready +before daybreak.' The moment he mentioned cards and dice, I felt the +money burn in my pocket. I was somewhat surprised, however, to find the +room where the ordinary was served filled with odd-looking creatures. My +host, after presenting me to the company, assured me that there were but +eighteen or twenty of those gentlemen who would have the honour to sup +with me. I approached one of the tables where they were playing, and +thought I should have died with laughing: I expected to have seen +good company and deep play; but I only met with two Germans playing +at backgammon. Never did two country boobies play like them; but their +figures beggared all description. The fellow near whom I stood was +short, thick, and fat, and as round as a ball, with a ruff, and +prodigious high crowned hat. Any one, at a moderate distance, would have +taken him for the dome of a church, with the steeple on the top of it. I +inquired of the host who he was. 'A merchant from Basle,' said he, 'who +comes hither to sell horses; but from the method he pursues, I think he +will not dispose of many; for he does nothing but play.' 'Does he play +deep?' said I. 'Not now,' said he; 'they are only playing for their +reckoning, while supper is getting ready; but he has no objection to +play as deep as any one.' 'Has he money?' said I. 'As for that,' replied +the treacherous Cerise, 'would to God you had won a thousand pistoles of +him, and I went your halves; we should not be long without our money.' I +wanted no further encouragement to meditate the ruin of the high-crowned +hat. I went nearer to him, in order to take a closer survey; never was +such a bungler; he made blots upon blots; God knows, I began to feel +some remorse at winning of such an ignoramus, who knew so little of the +game. He lost his reckoning; supper was served up; and I desired him +to sit next me. It was a long table, and there were at least +five-and-twenty in company, notwithstanding the landlord's promise. The +most execrable repast that ever was begun being finished, all the crowd +insensibly dispersed, except the little Swiss, who still kept near me, +and the landlord, who placed himself on the other side of me. They +both smoked like dragoons; and the Swiss was continually saying, in bad +French, 'I ask your pardon, sir, for my great freedom,' at the same time +blowing such whiffs of tobacco in my face as almost suffocated me. Mr. +Cerise, on the other hand, desired he might take the liberty of asking +me whether I had ever been in his country? and seemed surprised I had so +genteel an air, without having travelled in Switzerland. + +"The little chub I had to encounter was full as inquisitive as the +other. He desired to know whether I came from the army in Piedmont; and +having told him I was going thither, he asked me, whether I had a mind +to buy any horses; that he had about two hundred to dispose of, and that +he would sell them cheap. I began to be smoked like a gammon of +bacon; and being quite wearied out, both with their tobacco and their +questions, I asked my companion if he would play for a single pistole +at backgammon, while our men were supping; it was not without great +ceremony that he consented, at the same time asking my pardon for his +great freedom. + +"I won the game; I gave him his revenge, and won again. We then played +double or quit; I won that too, and all in the twinkling of an eye; for +he grew vexed, and suffered himself to be taken in so that I began to +bless my stars for my good fortune. Brinon came in about the end of the +third game, to put me to bed, he made a great sign of the cross, but +paid no attention to the signs I made him to retire. I was forced to +rise to give him that order in private. He began to reprimand me for +disgracing myself by keeping company with such a low-bred wretch. It +was in vain that I told him he was a great merchant, that he had a great +deal of money, and that he played like a child. 'He a merchant,' cried +Brinon. 'Do not believe that, sir! May the devil take me, if he is not +some conjurer.' 'Hold your tongue, old fool,' said I; 'he is no more a +conjurer than you are, and that is decisive; and, to prove it to you, I +am resolved to win four or five hundred pistoles of him before I go to +bed. With these words I turned him out, strictly enjoining him not to +return, or in any manner to disturb us. + +"The game being done, the little Swiss unbuttoned his pockets, to pull +out a new four-pistole piece, and presenting it to me, he asked my +pardon for his great freedom, and seemed as if he wished to retire. This +was not what I wanted. I told him we only played for amusement; that I +had no design upon his money; and that, if he pleased, I would play +him a single game for his four pistoles. He raised some objections; but +consented at last, and won back his money. I was piqued at it. I played +another game; fortune changed sides; the dice ran for him, he made +no more blots. I lost the game; another game, and double or quit; we +doubled the stake, and played double or quit again. I was vexed; he, +like a true gamester, took every bet I offered, and won all before him, +without my getting more than six points in eight or ten games. I asked +him to play a single game for one hundred pistoles; but as he saw I did +not stake, he told me it was late; that he must go and look after his +horses; and went away, still asking my pardon for his great freedom. The +cool manner of his refusal, and the politeness with which he took his +leave, provoked me to such a degree, that I could almost have killed +him. I was so confounded at losing my money so fast, even to the last +pistole, that I did not immediately consider the miserable situation to +which I was reduced. + +"I durst not go up to my chamber for fear of Brinon. By good luck, +however, he was tired with waiting for me, and had gone to bed. This was +some consolation, though but of short continuance. As soon as I was laid +down, all the fatal consequences of my adventure presented themselves +to my imagination. I could not sleep. I saw all the horrors of my +misfortune, without being able to find any remedy; in vain did I rack +my brain; it supplied me with no expedient. I feared nothing so much as +daybreak; however, it did come, and the cruel Brinon along with it. He +was booted up to the middle, and cracking a cursed whip, which he +held in his hand, 'Up, Monsieur le Chevalier,' cried he, opening the +curtains; 'the horses are at the door, and you are still asleep. We +ought by this time to have ridden two stages; give me money to pay the +reckoning.' 'Brinon,' said I, in a dejected tone, 'draw the curtains.' +'What!' cried he, 'draw the curtains! Do you intend, then, to make your +campaign at Lyons? you seem to have taken a liking to the place. And for +the great merchant, you have stripped him, I suppose? No, no, Monsieur +le Chevalier, this money will never do you any good. This wretch has, +perhaps, a family; and it is his children's bread that he has been +playing with, and that you have won. Was this an object to sit up all +night for? What would my lady say, if she knew what a life you lead?' +'M. Brinon,' said I, 'pray draw the curtains.' But instead of obeying +me, one would have thought that the devil had prompted him to use the +most pointed and galling terms to a person under such misfortunes. 'And +how much have you won?' said he; 'five hundred pistoles? what must the +poor man do? + +"'Recollect, Monsieur le Chevalier, what I have said, this money will +never thrive with you. It is, perhaps, but four hundred? three? two? +well if it be but one hundred louis d'or, continued he, seeing that +I shook my head at every sum which he had named, there is no great +mischief done; one hundred pistoles will not ruin him, provided you have +won them fairly.' 'Friend Brinon,' said I, fetching a deep sigh, 'draw +the curtains; I am unworthy to see daylight' Brinon was much affected at +these melancholy words, but I thought he would have fainted, when I told +him the whole adventure. He tore his hair, made grievous lamentations, +the burden of which still was, 'What will my lady say?' And, after +having exhausted his unprofitable complaints, 'What will become of +you now, Monsieur le Chevalier?' said he, 'what do you intend to +do?' 'Nothing,' said I, 'for I am fit for no thing. After this, being +somewhat eased after making him my confession, I thought upon several +projects, to none of which could I gain his approbation. I would have +had him post after my equipage, to have sold some of my clothes. I was +for proposing to the horse-dealer to buy some horses of him at a high +price on credit, to sell again cheap. Brinon laughed at all these +schemes, and after having had the cruelty of keeping me upon the rack +for a long time, he at last extricated me. Parents are always stingy +towards their poor children; my mother intended to have given me five +hundred louis d'or, but she had kept back fifty, as well for some little +repairs in the abbey, as to pay for praying for me. Brinon had the +charge of the other fifty, with strict injunctions not to speak of them, +unless upon some urgent necessity. And this you see soon happened. + +"Thus you have a brief account of my first adventure. Play has hitherto +favoured me; for, since my arrival, I have had, at one time, after +paying all my expenses, fifteen hundred louis d'or. Fortune is now +again become unfavourable: we must mend her. Our cash runs low; we must, +therefore, endeavour to recruit." + +"Nothing is more easy," said Matta; "it is only to find out such another +dupe as the horse-dealer at Lyons; but now I think on it, has not the +faithful Brinon some reserve for the last extremity? Faith, the time is +now come, and we cannot do better than to make use of it!" + +"Your raillery would be very seasonable," said the Chevalier, "if you +knew how to extricate us out of this difficulty. You must certainly have +an overflow of wit, to be throwing it away upon every occasion as +at present. What the devil! will you always be bantering, without +considering what a serious situation we are reduced to. Mind what I say, +I will go tomorrow to the head-quarters, I will dine with the Count de +Cameran, and I will invite him to supper." "Where?" said Matta. "Here," +said the Chevalier. "You are mad, my poor friend," replied Matta. "This +is some such project as you formed at Lyons: you know we have neither +money nor credit; and, to re-establish our circumstances, you intend to +give a supper." + +"Stupid fellow!" said the Chevalier, "is it possible, that, so long as +we have been acquainted, you should have learned no more invention? The +Count de Cameran plays at quinze, and so do I; we want money; he has +more than he knows what to do with; I will bespeak a splendid supper, he +shall pay for it. Send your maitre-d'hotel to me, and trouble yourself +no further, except in some precautions, which it is necessary to take on +such an occasion." "What are they?" said Matta. "I will tell you," said +the Chevalier; "for I find one must explain to you things that are as +clear as noon-day." + +"You command the guards that are here, don't you? As soon as night comes +on, you shall order fifteen or twenty men, under the command of your +sergeant La Place, to be under arms, and to lay themselves flat on the +ground, between this place and the head-quarters." "What the devil!" +cried Matta, "an ambuscade? God forgive me, I believe you intend to +rob the poor Savoyard. If that be your intention, I declare I will have +nothing to say to it" "Poor devil!" said the Chevalier, "the matter is +this; it is very likely that we shall win his money. The Piedmontese, +though otherwise good fellows, are apt to be suspicious and distrustful. +He commands the horse; you know you cannot hold your tongue, and are +very likely to let slip some jest or other that may vex him. Should he +take it into his head that he is cheated, and resent it, who knows what +the consequences might be? for he is commonly attended by eight or +ten horsemen. Therefore, however he may be provoked at his loss, it is +proper to be in such a situation as not to dread his resentment." + +"Embrace me, my dear Chevalier," said Matta, holding his sides and +laughing; "embrace me, for thou art not to be matched. What a fool I was +to think, when you talked to me of taking precautions, that nothing more +was necessary than to prepare a table and cards, or perhaps to provide +some false dice! I should never have thought of supporting a man who +plays at quinze by a detachment of foot: I must, indeed, confess that +you are already a great soldier." + +The next day everything happened as the Chevalier Grammont had planned +it; the unfortunate Cameran fell into the snare. They supped in the most +agreeable manner possible Matta drank five or six bumpers to drown a few +scruples which made him somewhat uneasy. The Chevalier de Grammont shone +as usual, and almost made his guest die with laughing, whom he was soon +after to make very serious; and the good-natured Cameran ate like a man +whose affections were divided between good cheer and a love of play; +that is to say, he hurried down his victuals, that he might not lose any +of the precious time which he had devoted to quinze. + +Supper being done, the sergeant La Place posted his ambuscade, and the +Chevalier de Grammont engaged his man. The perfidy of Cerise, and the +high-crowned hat, were still fresh in remembrance, and enabled him to +get the better of a few grains of remorse, and conquer some scruples +which arose in his mind. Matta, unwilling to be a spectator of violated +hospitality, sat down in an easy chair, in order to fall asleep, while +the Chevalier was stripping the poor Count of his money. + +They only staked three or four pistoles at first, just for amusement; +but Cameran having lost three or four times, he staked high, and the +game became serious. He still lost, and became outrageous; the cards +flew about the room, and the exclamations awoke Matta. + +As his head was heavy with sleep, and hot with wine, he began to laugh +at the passion of the Piedmontese, instead of consoling him. "Faith, my +poor Count," said he, "if I were in your place, I would play no more." +"Why so?" said the other. "I don't know," said he, "but my heart tells +me that your ill-luck will continue." "I will try that," said Cameran, +calling for fresh cards. "Do so," said Matta, and fell asleep again. +It was but for a short time. All cards were equally unfortunate for the +loser. He held none but tens or court-cards; and if by chance he had +quinze, he was sure to be the younger hand, and therefore lost it. Again +he stormed. "Did not I tell you so?" said Matta, starting out of his +sleep. "All your storming is in vain; as long as you play you will lose. +Believe me, the shortest follies are the best. Leave off, for the devil +take me if it is possible for you to win." "Why?" said Cameran, who +began to be impatient. "Do you wish to know?" said Matta; "why, faith, +it is because we are cheating you." + +The Chevalier de Grammont was provoked at so ill-timed a jest, more +especially as it carried along with it some appearance of truth. "Mr. +Matta," said he, "do you think it can be very agreeable for a man who +plays with such ill-luck as the Count to be pestered with your insipid +jests? For my part, I am so weary of the game, that I would desist +immediately, if he was not so great a loser." Nothing is more dreaded +by a losing gamester, than such a threat; and the Count, in a softened +tone, told the Chevalier that Mr. Matta might say what he pleased, if +he did not offend him; that, as to himself, it did not give him the +smallest uneasiness. + +The Chevalier de Grammont gave the Count far better treatment than he +himself had experienced from the Swiss at Lyons; for he played upon +credit as long as he pleased; which Cameran took so kindly, that he lost +fifteen hundred pistoles, and paid them the next morning. As for Matta, +he was severely reprimanded for the intemperance of his tongue. All +the reason he gave for his conduct was, that he made it a point of +conscience not to suffer the poor Savoyard to be cheated without +informing him of it. "Besides," said he, "it would have given me +pleasure to have seen my infantry engaged with his horse, if he had been +inclined to mischief." + +This adventure having recruited their finances, fortune favoured them +the remainder of the campaign, and the Chevalier de Grammont, to prove +that he had only seized upon the Count's effects by way of reprisal, +and to indemnify himself for the losses he had sustained at Lyons, began +from this time to make the same use of his money, that he has been known +to do since upon all occasions. He found out the distressed, in order to +relieve them; officers who had lost their equipage in the war, or their +money at play; soldiers who were disabled in the trenches; in short, +every one felt the influence of his benevolence: but his manner of +conferring a favour exceeded even the favour itself. + +Every man possessed of such amiable qualities must meet with success in +all his undertakings. The soldiers knew his person, and adored him. The +generals were sure to meet him in every scene of action, and sought his +company at other times. As soon as fortune declared for him, his first +care was to make restitution, by desiring Cameran to go his halves in +all parties where the odds were in his favour. + +An inexhaustible fund of vivacity and good humour gave a certain air of +novelty to whatever he either said or did. I know not on what occasion +it was that Monsieur de Turenne towards the end of the siege, commanded +a separate body. The Chevalier de Grammont went to visit him at his new +quarters, where he found fifteen or twenty officers. M. de Turenne was +naturally fond of merriment, and the Chevalier's presence was sure +to inspire it. He was much pleased with this visit, and, by way of +acknowledgment, would have engaged him to play. The Chevalier de +Grammont, in returning him thanks, said, that he had learned from his +tutor, that when a man went to see his friends, it was neither prudent +to leave his own money behind him, nor civil to carry off theirs. +"Truly," said Monsieur de Turenne, "you will find neither deep play nor +much money among us; but, that it may not be said that we suffered you +to depart without playing, let us stake every one a horse." + +The Chevalier de Grammont agreed. Fortune, who had followed him to a +place where he did not think he should have any need of her, made +him win fifteen or sixteen horses, by way of joke; but, seeing some +countenances disconcerted at the loss, "Gentlemen," said he, "I should +be sorry to see you return on foot from your general's quarters; it will +be enough for me if you send me your horses to-morrow, except one, which +I give for the cards." + +The valet-de-chambre thought he was bantering. "I speak seriously," said +the Chevalier, "I give you a horse for the cards; and, what is more, +take whichever you please, except my own." "Truly," said Monsieur de +Turenne, "I am vastly pleased with the novelty of the thing; for I don't +believe that a horse was ever before given for the cards." + + +Trino surrendered at last. The Baron de Batteville, who had defended it +valiantly, and for a long time, obtained a capitulation worthy of such a +resistance. + + [This officer appears to have been the same person who was + afterwards ambassador from Spain to the court of Great Britain, + where, in the summer of 1660, he offended the French court, by + claiming precedence of their ambassador, Count d'Estrades, on the + public entry of the Swedish ambassador into London. On this + occasion the court of France compelled its rival of Spain to submit + to the mortifying circumstance of acknowledging the French + superiority. To commemorate this important victory, Louis XIV. + caused a medal to be struck, representing the Spanish ambassador, + the Marquis de Fuente, making the declaration to that king, "No + concurrer con los ambassadores des de Francia," with this + inscription, "Jus praecedendi assertum," and under it, "Hispaniorum + excusatio coram xxx legatis principum, 1662." A very curious + account of the fray occasioned by this dispute, drawn up by Evelyn, + is to be seen in that gentleman's article in the Biographia + Britannica.] + +I do not know whether the Chevalier de Grammont had any share in the +capture of this place; but I know very well, that during a more glorious +reign, and with armies ever victorious, his intrepidity and address have +been the cause of taking others since, even under the eye of his master, +as we shall see in the sequel of these memoirs. + + + + +CHAPTER FOURTH. HIS ARRIVAL AT THE COURT OF TURIN, AND HOW HE SPENT HIS +TIME THERE + + +Military glory is at most but one half of the accomplishments which +distinguish heroes. Love must give the finishing stroke, and adorn their +character by the difficulties they encounter, the temerity of their +enterprises, and finally, by the lustre of success. We have examples +of this, not only in romances, but also in the genuine histories of the +most famous warriors and the most celebrated conquerors. + +The Chevalier de Grammont and Matta, who did not think much of these +examples, were, however, of opinion, that it would be very agreeable to +refresh themselves after the fatigues of the siege of Trino, by forming +some other sieges, at the expense of the beauties and the husbands of +Turin. As the campaign had finished early, they thought they should have +time to perform some exploits before the bad weather obliged them to +repass the mountains. + +They sallied forth, therefore, not unlike Amadis de Gaul or Don +Galaor after they had been dubbed knights, eager in their search after +adventures in love, war and enchantments. They were greatly superior +to those two brothers, who only knew how to cleave in twain giants, to +break lances, and to carry off fair damsels behind them on horseback, +without saying a single word to them; whereas our heroes were adepts at +cards and dice, of which the others were totally ignorant. + +They went to Turin, met with an agreeable reception, and were greatly +distinguished at court. Could it be otherwise? They were young and +handsome; they had wit at command, and spent their money liberally. +In what country will not a man succeed, possessing such advantages? As +Turin was at that time the seat of gallantry and of love, two strangers +of this description, who were always cheerful, brisk and lively, could +not fail to please the ladies of the court. + +Though the men of Turin were extremely handsome, they were not, however, +possessed of the art of pleasing. They treated their wives with respect, +and were courteous to strangers. Their wives, still more handsome, were +full as courteous to strangers, and less respectful to their husbands. + +Madame Royale, a worthy daughter of Henry IV., rendered her little court +the most agreeable in the world. She inherited such of her father's +virtues as compose the proper ornament of her sex; and with regard to +what are termed the foibles of great souls, her highness had in no wise +degenerated. + +The Count de Tanes was her prime minister. It was not difficult to +conduct affairs of state during his administration. No complaints +were alleged against him; and the princess, satisfied with his conduct +herself, was, above all, glad to have her choice approved by her whole +court, where people lived nearly according to the manners and customs of +ancient chivalry. + +The ladies had each a professed lover, for fashion's sake, besides +volunteers, whose numbers were unlimited. The declared admirers wore +their mistresses' liveries, their arms, and sometimes even took their +names. Their office was, never to quit them in public, and never to +approach them in private; to be their squires upon all occasions, and, +in jousts and tournaments, to adorn their lances, their housings, and +their coats, with the cyphers and the colours of their dulcineas. + +Matta was far from being averse to gallantry; but would have liked it +more simple than as it was practised at Turin. The ordinary forms would +not have disgusted him; but he found here a sort of superstition in +the ceremonies and worship of love, which he thought very inconsistent: +however, as he had submitted his conduct in that matter to the direction +of the Chevalier de Grammont, he was obliged to follow his example, and +to conform to the customs of the country. + +They enlisted themselves at the same time in the service of two +beauties, whose former squires gave them up immediately from motives +of politeness. The Chevalier de Grammont chose Mademoiselle de +Saint-Germain, and told Matta to offer his services to Madame de +Senantes. Matta consented, though he liked the other better; but the +Chevalier de Grammont persuaded him that Madame de Senantes was more +suitable for him. As he had reaped advantage from the Chevalier's +talents in the first projects they had formed, he resolved to follow his +instructions in love, as he had done his advice in play. + +Mademoiselle de Saint-Germain was in the bloom of youth; her eyes were +small, but very bright and sparkling, and, like her hair, were black; +her complexion was lively and clear, though not fair: she, had an +agreeable mouth, two fine rows of teeth, a neck as handsome as one could +wish, and a most delightful shape; she had a particular elegance in her +elbows, which, however, she did not show to advantage; her hands were +rather large and not very white; her feet, though not of the smallest, +were well shaped; she trusted to Providence, and used no art to set off +those graces which she had received from nature; but, notwithstanding +her negligence in the embellishment of her charms, there was something +so lively in her person, that the Chevalier de Grammont was caught at +first sight; her wit and humour corresponded with her other qualities, +being quite easy and perfectly charming; she was all mirth, all life, +all complaisance and politeness, and all was natural, and always the +same without any variation. + +The Marchioness de Senantes was esteemed fair, and she might have +enjoyed, if she had pleased, the reputation of having red hair, had she +not rather chosen to conform to the taste of the age in which she lived +than to follow that of the ancients: she had all the advantages of red +hair without any of the inconveniences; a constant attention to her +person served as a corrective to the natural defects of her complexion. +After all, what does it signify, whether cleanliness be owing to nature +or to art? it argues an invidious temper to be very inquisitive about +it. She had a great deal of wit, a good memory, more reading, and a +still greater inclination towards tenderness. + +She had a husband whom it would have been criminal even in chastity +to spare. He piqued himself upon being a Stoic, and gloried in being +slovenly and disgusting in honour of his profession. In this he +succeeded to admiration; for he was very fat, so that he perspired +almost as much in winter as in summer. Erudition and brutality seemed to +be the most conspicuous features of his character, and were displayed in +his conversation, sometimes together, sometimes alternately, but always +disagreeably: he was not jealous, and yet he was troublesome; he was +very well pleased to see attentions paid to his wife, provided more were +paid to him. + +As soon as our adventurers had declared themselves, the Chevalier de +Grammont arrayed himself in green habiliments, and dressed Matta in +blue, these being the favourite colours of their new mistresses. They +entered immediately upon duty: the Chevalier learned and practised all +the ceremonies of this species of gallantry, as if he always had been +accustomed to them; but Matta commonly forgot one half, and was not over +perfect in practising the other. He never could remember that his office +was to promote the glory, and not the interest, of his mistress. + +The Duchess of Savoy gave the very next day an entertainment at La +Venerie, where all the ladies were invited. + +The Chevalier was so agreeable and diverting, that he made his mistress +almost die with laughing. Matta, in leading his lady to the coach, +squeezed her hand, and at their return from the promenade he begged +of her to pity his sufferings. Thus was proceeding rather too +precipitately, and although Madame de Senantes was not destitute of +the natural compassion of her sex, she nevertheless was shocked at the +familiarity of this treatment; she thought herself obliged to show some +degree of resentment, and pulling away her hand, which he had pressed +with still greater fervency upon this declaration, she went up to the +royal apartments without even looking at her new lover. Matta, never +thinking that he had offended her, suffered her to go, and went in +search of some company to sup with him: nothing was more easy for a man +of his disposition; he soon found what he wanted, sat a long time at +table to refresh himself after the fatigue, of love, and went to bed +completely satisfied that he had performed his part to perfection. + +During all this time the Chevalier de Grammont acquitted himself towards +Mademoiselle de Saint Germain with universal applause; and without +remitting his assiduities, he found means to shine, as they went +along, in the relation of a thousand entertaining anecdotes, which he +introduced in the general conversation. Her Royal Highness heard them +with pleasure, and the solitary Senantes likewise attended to them. He +perceived this, and quitted his mistress to inquire what she had done +with Matta. + +"I" said she, "I have done nothing with him; but I don't know what he +would have done with me if I had been obliging enough to listen to his +most humble solicitations." + +She then told him in what manner his friend had treated her the very +second day of their acquaintance. + +The Chevalier could not forbear laughing at it: he told her Matta was +rather too unceremonious, but yet she would like him better as their +intimacy more improved, and for her consolation he assured her that +he would have spoken in the same manner to her Royal Highness herself; +however, he would not fail to give him a severe reprimand. He went the +next morning into his room for that purpose; but Matta had gone out +early in the morning on a shooting party, in which he had been engaged +by his supper companions in the preceding evening. At his return he took +a brace of partridges and went to his mistress. Being asked whether he +wished to see the Marquis, he said no; and the Swiss telling him his +lady was not at home, he left his partridges, and desired him to present +them to his mistress from him. + +The Marchioness was at her toilet, and was decorating her head with +all the grace she could devise to captivate Matta, at the moment he was +denied admittance: she knew nothing of the matter; but her husband knew +every particular. He had taken it in dudgeon that the first visit was +not paid to him, and as he was resolved that it should not be paid to +his wife, the Swiss had received his orders, and had almost been beaten +for receiving the present which had been left. The partridges, however, +were immediately sent back, and Matta, without examining into the cause, +was glad to have them again. He went to court without ever changing +his clothes, or in the least considering he ought not to appear there +without his lady's colours. He found her becomingly dressed; her eyes +appeared to him more than usually sparkling, and her whole person +altogether divine. He began from that day to be much pleased with +himself for his complaisance to the Chevalier de Grammont; however, +he could not help remarking that she looked but coldly upon him. This +appeared to him a very extraordinary return for his services, and, +imagining that she was unmindful of her weighty obligations to him, he +entered into conversation with her, and severely reprimanded her for +having sent back his partridges with so much indifference. + +She did not understand what he meant; and highly offended that he did +not apologize, after the reprimand which she concluded him to have +received, told him that he certainly had met with ladies of very +complying dispositions in his travels, as he seemed to give to himself +airs that she was by no means accustomed to endure. Matta desired to +know wherein he could be said to have given himself any. "Wherein?" +said she: "the second day that you honoured me with your attentions, you +treated me as if I had been your humble servant for a thousand years; +the first time that I gave you my hand you squeezed it as violently as +you were able. After this commencement of your courtship, I got into my +coach, and you mounted your horse; but instead of riding by the side of +the coach, as any reasonable gallant would have done, no sooner did a +hare start from her form, than you immediately galloped full speed after +her; having regaled yourself, during the promenade, by taking snuff, +without ever deigning to bestow a thought on me, the only proof you gave +me, on your return, that you recollected me, was by soliciting me to +surrender my reputation in terms polite enough, but very explicit. And +now you talk to me of having been shooting of partridges and of some +visit or other, which, I suppose, you have been dreaming of, as well as +of all the rest." + +The Chevalier de Grammont now advanced, to the interruption of this +whimsical dialogue. Matta was rebuked for his forwardness, and his +friend took abundant pains to convince him that his conduct bordered +more upon insolence than familiarity. Matta endeavoured to exculpate +himself, but succeeded ill. His mistress took compassion upon him, +and consented to admit his excuses, for the manner, rather than his +repentance for the fact, and declared that it was the intention alone +which could either justify or condemn, in such cases; that it was +very easy to pardon those transgressions which arise from excess of +tenderness, but not such as proceeded from too great a presumption of +success. Matta swore that he only squeezed her hand from the violence +of his passion, and that he had been driven, by necessity, to ask her to +relieve it; that he was yet a novice in the arts of solicitation; that +he could not possibly think her more worthy of his affection, after a +month's service, than at the present moment; and that he entreated her +to cast away an occasional thought upon him when her leisure admitted. +The Marchioness was not offended, she saw very well that she must +require an implicit conformity to the established rule of decorum, when +she had to deal with such a character; and the Chevalier de Grammont, +after this sort of reconciliation, went to look after his own affair +with Mademoiselle de St. Germain. + +His concern was not the offspring of mere good nature, nay, it was the +reverse; for no sooner did he perceive that the Marchioness looked with +an eye of favour upon him, than this conquest, appearing to him to be +more easy than the other, he thought it was prudent to take advantage of +it, for fear of losing the opportunity, and that he might not have spent +all his time to no purpose, in case he should prove unsuccessful with +the little St. Germain. + +In the mean time, in order to maintain that authority which he +had usurped over the conduct of his friend, he, that very evening, +notwithstanding what had been already said, reprimanded him for +presuming to appear at court in his morning suit, and without his +mistress's badge; for not having had the wit or prudence to pay his +first visit to the Marquis de Senantes, instead of consuming his time, +to no purpose, in inquiries for the lady; and, to conclude, he asked him +what the devil he meant by presenting her with a brace of miserable red +partridges. "And why not?" said Matta: "ought they to have been blue, +too, to match the cockade and sword-knots you made me wear the other +day? Plague not me with your nonsensical whimsies: my life on it, in one +fortnight your equal in foppery and folly will not be found throughout +the confines of Turin; but, to reply to your questions, I did not call +upon Monsieur de Senantes, because I had nothing to do with him, and +because he is of a species of animals which I dislike, and always shall +dislike: as for you, you appear quite charmed with being decked out in +green ribands, with writing letters to your mistress, and filling your +pockets with citrons, pistachios, and such sort of stuff, with which you +are always cramming the poor girl's mouth, in spite of her teeth: you +hope to succeed by chanting ditties composed in the days of Corisande +and of Henry IV., which you will swear yourself have made upon her: +happy in practising the ceremonials of gallantry, you have no ambition +for the essentials. Very well: every one has a particular way of +acting, as well as a particular taste: your's is to trifle in love; +and, provided you can make Mademoiselle de St. Germain laugh, you are +satisfied: as for my part, I am persuaded, that women here are made of +the same materials as in other places; and I do not think that they can +be mightily offended, if one sometimes leaves off trifling, to come to +the point: however, if the Marchioness is not of this way of thinking, +she may e'en provide herself elsewhere; for I can assure her, that I +shall not long act the part of her squire." + +This was an unnecessary menace; for the Marchioness in reality liked him +very well, was nearly of the same way of thinking herself, and wished +for nothing more than to put his gallantry to the test. But Matta +proceeded upon a wrong plan; he had conceived such an aversion for her +husband, that he could not prevail upon himself to make the smallest +advance towards his good graces. He was given to understand that he +ought to begin by endeavouring to lull the dragon to sleep, before he +could gain possession of the treasure; but this was all to no purpose, +though, at the same time, he could never see his mistress but in public. +This made him impatient, and as he was lamenting his ill-fortune to her +one day: "Have the goodness, madam," said he, "to let me know where you +live: there is never a day that I do not call upon you, at least, three +or four times, without ever being blessed with a sight of you." "I +generally sleep at home," replied she, laughing; "but I must tell you, +that you will never find me there, if you do not first pay a visit +to the Marquis: I am not mistress of the house. I do not tell you," +continued she, "that he is a man whose acquaintance any one would very +impatiently covet for his conversation: on the contrary, I agree that +his humour is fantastical, and his manners not of the pleasing cast; but +there is nothing so savage and inhuman, which a little care, attention, +and complaisance may not tame into docility. I must repeat to you some +verses upon the subject: I have got them by heart, because they contain +a little advice, which you may accommodate, if you please, to your own +case." + + RONDEAU. + + Keep in mind these maxims rare, + You who hope to win the fair; + Who are, or would esteemed be, + The quintessence of gallantry. + + That fopp'ry, grinning, and grimace, + And fertile store of common-place; + That oaths as false as dicers swear, + And Wry teeth, and scented hair; + That trinkets, and the pride of dress, + Can only give your scheme success. + Keep in mind. + + Has thy charmer e'er an aunt? + Then learn the rules of woman's cant, + And forge a tale, and swear you read it, + Such as, save woman, none would credit + Win o'er her confidante and pages + By gold, for this a golden age is; + And should it be her wayward fate, + To be encumbered with a mate, + A dull, old dotard should he be, + That dulness claims thy courtesy. + Keep in mind. + +"Truly," said Matta, "the song may say what it pleases, but I cannot put +it in practice: your husband is far too exquisite a monster for me. Why, +what a plaguey odd ceremony do you require of us in this country, if we +cannot pay our compliments to the wife without being in love with the +husband!" + +The Marchioness was much offended at this answer; and as she thought she +had done enough in pointing out to him the path which would conduct him +to success, if he had deserved it, she did not think it worth while to +enter into any farther explanation; since he refused to cede, for her +salve, so trilling an objection: from this instant she resolved to have +done with him. + +The Chevalier de Grammont had taken leave of his mistress nearly at the +same time: the ardour of his pursuit was extinguished. It was not that +Mademoiselle de Saint Germain was less worthy than hitherto of his +attentions: on the contrary her attractions visibly increased: she +retired to her pillow with a thousand charms, and ever rose from it with +additional beauty the phrase of increasing in beauty as she increased +in years seemed to have been purposely made for her. The Chevalier could +not deny these truths, but yet he could not find his account in them: a +little less merit, with a little less discretion, would have been more +agreeable. He perceived that she attended to him with pleasure, that +she was diverted with his stories as much as he could wish, and that +she received his billets and presents without scruple; but then he +also discovered that she did not wish to proceed any farther. He had +exhausted every species of address upon her, and all to no purpose: +her attendant was gained: her family, charmed with the music of his +conversation and his great attention, were never happy without him: +in short, he had reduced to practice the advice contained in the +Marchioness's song, and everything conspired to deliver the little Saint +Germain into his hands, if the little Saint Germain had herself been +willing: but alas! she was not inclined. It was in vain he told her the +favour he desired would cost her nothing; and that since these treasures +were rarely comprised in the fortune a lady brings with her in marriage, +she would never find any person, who, by unremitting tenderness, +unwearied attachment, and inviolable secrecy, would prove more worthy of +them than himself. He then told her no husband was ever able to convey +a proper idea of the sweets of love, and that nothing could be more +different than the passionate fondness of a lover, always tender, always +affectionate, yet always respectful, and the careless indifference of a +husband. + +Mademoiselle de Saint Germain, not wishing to take the matter in a +serious light, that she might not be forced to resent it, answered, that +since it was generally the custom in her country to marry, she thought +it was right to conform to it, without entering into the knowledge of +those distinctions, and those marvellous particulars, which she did not +very well understand, and of which she did not wish to have any further +explanation; that she had submitted to listen to him this one time, but +desired he would never speak to her again in the same strain, since +such sort of conversation was neither entertaining to her, nor could +be serviceable to him. Though no one was ever more facetious than +Mademoiselle de Saint Germain, she yet knew how to assume a very serious +air, when ever occasion required it. The Chevalier de Grammont soon saw +that she was in earnest; and finding it would cost him a great deal of +time to effect a change in her sentiments, he was so far cooled in this +pursuit, that he only made use of it to hide the designs he had upon the +Marchioness de Senantes. + +He found this lady much disgusted at Matta's want of complaisance; and +his seeming contempt for her erased every favourable impression which +she had once entertained for him. While she was in this humour, the +Chevalier told her that her resentment was just; he exaggerated the +loss which his friend had sustained; he told her that her charms were +a thousand times superior to those of the little Saint Germain, and +requested that favour for himself which his friend did not deserve. +He was soon favourably heard upon this topic; and as soon as they were +agreed, they consulted upon two measures necessary to be taken, the +one to deceive her husband, the other his friend, which was not very +difficult: Matta was not at all suspicious: and the stupid Senantes, +towards whom the Chevalier had already behaved as Matta had refused to +do, could not be easy without him. This was much more than was wanted; +for as soon as ever the Chevalier was with the Marchioness, her husband +immediately joined them out of politeness; and on no account would have +left them alone together, for fear they should grow weary of each other +without him. + +Matta, who all this time was entirely ignorant that he was disgraced, +continued to serve his mistress in his own way. She had agreed with +the Chevalier de Grammont, that to all appearance everything should +be carried on as before; so that the court always believed that the +Marchioness only thought of Matta, and that the Chevalier was entirely +devoted to Mademoiselle de Saint Germain. + +There were very frequently little lotteries for trinkets: the Chevalier +de Grammont always tried his fortune, and was sometimes fortunate; and +under pretence of the prizes he had won, he bought a thousand things +which he indiscreetly gave to the Marchioness, and which she still more +indiscreetly accepted: the little Saint Germain very seldom received any +thing. There are meddling whisperers everywhere: remarks were made upon +these proceedings; and the same person that made them communicated them +likewise to Mademoiselle de Saint Germain. She pretended to laugh, but +in reality was piqued. It is a maxim religiously observed by the fair +sex, to envy each other those indulgences which themselves refuse. She +took this very ill of the Marchioness. On the other hand, Matta was +asked if he was not old enough to make his own presents himself to +the Marchioness de Senantes, without sending them by the Chevalier de +Grammont. This roused him; for of himself, he would never have perceived +it: his suspicions, however, were but slight, and he was willing to have +them removed. "I must confess," said he to the Chevalier de Grammont, +"that they make love here quite in a new style; a man serves here +without reward: he addresses himself to the husband when he is in love +with the wife, and makes presents to another man's mistress, to get +into the good graces of his own. The Marchioness is much obliged to you +for-----" + +"It is you who are obliged," replied the Chevalier, "since thus was +done on your account: I was ashamed to find you had never yet thought +of presenting her with any trifling token of your attention: do you know +that the people of this court have such extraordinary notions, as to +think that it is rather owing to inadvertency that you never yet have +had the spirit to make your mistress the smallest present? For shame! +how ridiculous it is, that you can never think for yourself?" + +Matta took this rebuke, without making any answer, being persuaded that +he had in some measure deserved it: besides, he was neither sufficiently +jealous, nor sufficiently amorous, to think any more of it; however, +as it was necessary for the Chevalier's affairs that Matta should be +acquainted with the Marquis de Senantes, he plagued him so much about +it, that at last he complied. His friend introduced him, and his +mistress seemed pleased with this proof of complaisance, though she +was resolved that he should gain nothing by it; and the husband, +being gratified with a piece of civility which he had long expected, +determined, that very evening, to give them a supper at a little country +seat of his, on the banks of the river, very near the city. + +The Chevalier de Grammont answering for them both, accepted the offer; +and as this was the only one Matta would not have refused from the +Marquis, he likewise consented. The Marquis came to convey them in his +carriage at the hour appointed; but he found only Matta. The Chevalier +had engaged himself to play, on purpose that they might go without him: +Matta was for waiting for him, so great was his fear of being left alone +with the Marquis; but the Chevalier having sent to desire them to go on +before, and that he would be with them as soon as he had finished his +game, poor Matta was obliged to set out with the man who, of all the +world, was most offensive to him. It was not the Chevalier's intention +quickly to extricate Matta out of this embarrassment: he no sooner knew +that they were gone, than he waited on the Marchioness, under pretence +of still finding her husband, that they might all go together to supper. + +The plot was in a fair way; and as the Marchioness was of opinion that +Matta's indifference merited no better treatment from her, she made no +scruple of acting her part in it: she therefore waited for the Chevalier +de Grammont with intentions so much the more favourable, as she had for +a long time expected him, and had some curiosity to receive a visit from +him in the absence of her husband. We may therefore suppose that this +first opportunity would not have been lost, if Mademoiselle de Saint +Germain had not unexpectedly come in, almost at the same time with the +Chevalier. + +She was more handsome and more entertaining that day than she had ever +been before; however, she appeared to them very ugly and very tiresome: +she soon perceived that her company was disagreeable, and being +determined that they should not be out of humour with her for nothing, +after having passed above a long half hour in diverting herself with +their uneasiness, and in playing a thousand monkey tricks, which she +plainly saw could never be more unseasonable, she pulled off her hood, +scarf, and all that part of her dress which ladies lay aside, when in a +familiar manner they intend to pass the day anywhere. The Chevalier de +Grammont cursed her in his heart, while she continued to torment him for +being in such ill-humour in such good company: at last the Marchioness, +who was as much vexed as he was, said rather drily that she was obliged +to wait on her Royal Highness: Mademoiselle de Saint Germain told her +that she would have the honour to accompany her, if it would not be +disagreeable: she took not the smallest notice of her offer; and the +Chevalier, finding that it would be entirely useless to prolong his +visit at that time, retired with a good grace. + +As soon as he had left the house, he sent one of his scouts to desire +the Marquis to sit down to table with his company without waiting +for him, because the game might not perhaps be finished as soon as he +expected, but that he would be with him before supper was over. Having +despatched this messenger, he placed a sentinel at the Marchioness's +door, in hopes that the tedious Saint Germain might go out before her; +but this was in vain, for his spy came and told him, after an hour's +impatience and suspense, that they were gone out together. He found +there was no chance of seeing her again that day, everything falling +out contrary to his wishes; he was forced therefore to leave the +Marchioness, and go in quest of the Marquis. + +While these things were going on in the city, Matta was not much +diverted in the country: as he was prejudiced against the Marquis, all +that he said displeased him: he cursed the Chevalier heartily for the +tete-a-tete which he had procured him; and he was upon the point of +going away, when he found that he was to sit down to supper without any +other company. + +However, as his host was very choice in his entertainments, and had +the best wine and the best cook in all Piedmont, the sight of the first +course appeased him; and eating most voraciously, without paying any +attention to the Marquis, he flattered himself that the supper would end +without any dispute; but he was mistaken. + +When the Chevalier de Grammont was at first endeavouring to bring +about an intercourse between the Marquis and Matta, he had given a very +advantageous character of the latter, to make the former more +desirous of his acquaintance; and in the display of a thousand other +accomplishments, knowing what an infatuation the Marquis had for the +very name of erudition, he assured him that Matta was one of the most +learned men in Europe. + +The Marquis, therefore, from the moment they sat down to supper, had +expected some stroke of learning from Matta, to bring his own into +play; but he was much out in his reckoning; no one had read less, no one +thought less, and no one had ever spoken so little at an entertainment +as he had done as he did not wish to enter into conversation, he opened +his mouth only to eat, or ask for wine. + +The other, being offended at a silence which appeared to him affected, +and wearied with having uselessly attacked him upon other subjects, +thought he might get something out of him by changing the discourse of +love and gallantry; and therefore, to begin the subject, he accosted him +in this manner: + +"Since you are my wife's gallant--" "I!" said Matta who wished to carry +it discreetly: "those who told you so, told a damned lie." "Zounds, +sir," said the Marquis, "you speak in a tone which does not at +all become you; for I would have you to know, notwithstanding your +contemptuous airs, that the Marchioness de Senantes is perhaps as worthy +of your attentions as any of your French ladies, and that I have known +some greatly your superiors, who have thought it an honour to serve +her." "Very well," said Matta, "I think she is very deserving, and since +you insist upon it, I am her servant and gallant, to oblige you." + +"You think, perhaps," continued the other, "that the same custom +prevails in this country as in your own, and that the ladies have +lovers, with no other intentions than to grant them favours: undeceive +yourself if you please, and know, likewise, that even if such events +were frequent in this court, I should not be at all uneasy." "Nothing +can be more civil," said Matta; "but wherefore would you not?" "I will +tell you why," replied he: "I am well acquainted with the affection my +wife entertains for me: I am acquainted with her discretion towards all +the world; and, what is more, I am acquainted with my own merit." + +"You have a most uncommon acquaintance then," replied Matta; "I +congratulate you upon it; I have the honour to drink it in a bumper." +The Marquis pledged him; but seeing that the conversation dropped on +their ceasing to drink, after two or three healths, he wished to make a +second attempt, and attack Matta on his strong side, that is to say, on +his learning. + +He desired him, therefore, to tell him, at what time he thought the +Allobroges came to settle in Piedmont. Matta, who wished him and his +Allobroges at the devil, said, that it must be in the time of the civil +wars. "I doubt that," said the other. "Just as you like," said Matta. +"Under what consulate?" replied the Marquis: "Under that of the League," +said Matta, "when the Guises brought the Lansquenets into France; but +what the devil does that signify?" + +The Marquis was tolerably warm, and naturally savage, so that God knows +how the conversation would have ended, if the Chevalier de Grammont had +not unexpectedly come in to appease them. It was some time before he +could find out what their debate was; for the one had forgotten the +questions, and the other the answers, which had disobliged him, in order +to reproach the Chevalier with his eternal passion for play, which made +him always uncertain. The Chevalier, who knew that he was still more +culpable than they thought, bore it all with patience, and condemned +himself more than they desired: this appeased them; and the +entertainment ended with greater tranquillity than it had begun. The +conversation was again reduced to order; but he could not enliven it as +he usually did. He was in very ill humour, and as he pressed them every +minute to rise from table, the Marquis was of opinion that he had lost +a great deal. Matta said, on the contrary, that he had won; but for want +of precautions had made perhaps an unfortunate retreat; and asked him if +he had not stood in need of Serjeant La Place, with his ambuscade. + +This piece of history was beyond the comprehension of the Marquis, and +being afraid that Matta might explain it, the Chevalier changed the +discourse, and was for rising from table; but Matta would not consent +to it. This effected a reconciliation between him and the Marquis, who +thought this was a piece of civility intended for him; however, it was +not for him, but for his wine, to which Matta had taken a prodigious +liking. + +The Duchess, who knew the character of the Marquis, was charmed with the +account which the Chevalier de Grammont gave her of the entertainment +and conversation: she sent for Matta to know the truth of it from +himself: he confessed, that before the Allobroges were mentioned the +Marquis was for quarrelling with him, because he was not in love with +his wife. + +Their acquaintance having begun in this manner, all the esteem which +the Marquis had formerly expressed for the Chevalier seemed now directed +towards Matta: he went every day to pay Matta a visit, and Matta was +every day with his wife. This did not at all suit the Chevalier: he +repented of his having chid Matta, whose assiduity now interrupted all +his schemes; and the Marchioness was still more embarrassed. Whatever +wit a man may have, it will never please where his company is disliked; +and she repented that she had been formerly guilty of some trifling +advances towards him. + +Matta began to find charms in her person, and might have found the same +in her conversation, if she had been inclined to display them; but it +is impossible to be in good humour with persons who thwart our designs. +While his passion increased, the Chevalier de Grammont was solely +occupied in endeavouring to find out some method, by which he might +accomplish his intrigue; and this was the stratagem which he put in +execution to clear the coast, by removing, at one and the same time, +both the lover and the husband. + +He told Matta, that they ought to invite the Marquis to supper at their +lodgings, and he would take upon himself to provide everything proper +for the occasion. Matta desired to know if it was to play at quinze, and +assured him that he should take care to render abortive any intention +he might have to engage in play, and leave him alone with the greatest +blockhead in all Europe. The Chevalier de Grammont did not entertain +any such thought, being persuaded that it would be impossible to take +advantage of any such opportunity, in whatever manner he might take his +measures, and that they would seek for him in every corner of the +city rather than allow him the least repose: his whole attention was +therefore employed in rendering the entertainment agreeable, in finding +out means of prolonging it, in order ultimately to kindle some dispute +between the Marquis and Matta. For this purpose he put himself in the +best humour in the world, and the wine produced the same effect on the +rest of the company. + +The Chevalier de Grammont expressed his concern, that he had not been +able to give the Marquis a little concert, as he had intended in the +morning; for the musicians had been all pre-engaged. Upon this the +Marquis undertook to have them at his country-house the following +evening, and invited the same company to sup with him there. Matta asked +what the devil they wanted with music, and maintained that it was of no +use on such occasions but for women who had something to say to their +lovers, while the fiddles prevented them from being overheard, or for +fools who had nothing to say when the music ended. They ridiculed all +his arguments: the party was fixed for the next day, and the music was +voted by the majority of voices. The Marquis, to console Matta, as well +as to do honour to the entertainment, toasted a great many healths: +Matta was more ready to listen to his arguments on this topic than in +a dispute; but the Chevalier, perceiving that a little would irritate +them, desired nothing more earnestly than to see them engaged in some +new controversy. It was in vain that he had from time to time started +some subject of discourse with this intention; but having luckily +thought of asking what was his lady's maiden name, Senantes, who was a +great genealogist, as all fools are who have good memories, immediately +began by tracing out her family, by an endless confused string of +lineage. The Chevalier seemed to listen to him with great attention; +and perceiving that Matta was almost out of patience, he desired him to +attend to what the Marquis was saying, for that nothing could be more +entertaining. "All this may be very true," said Matta; "but for my part, +I must confess, if I were married, I should rather choose to inform +myself who was the real father of my children, than who were my wife's +grand fathers." The Marquis, smiling at this rudeness, did not leave off +until he had traced back the ancestors of his spouse, from line to line, +as far as Yolande de Senantes: after this he offered to prove, in less +than half an hour, that the Grammonts came originally from Spain. "Very +well," said Matta, "and pray what does it signify to us from whence the +Grammonts are descended? Do not you know, sir, that it is better to know +nothing at all, than to know too much?" + +The Marquis maintained the contrary with great warmth, and was preparing +a formal argument to prove that an ignorant man is a fool; but the +Chevalier de Grammont, who was thoroughly acquainted with Matta saw very +clearly that he would send the logician to the devil before he should +arrive at the conclusion of his syllogism: for which reason, interposing +as soon as they began to raise their voices, he told them it was +ridiculous to quarrel about an affair in itself so trivial, and +treated the matter in a serious light, that it might make the greater +impression. Thus supper terminated peaceably, owing to the care he took +to suppress all disputes, and to substitute plenty of wine in their +stead. + +The next day Matta went to the chase, the Chevalier de Grammont to +the bagnio, and the Marquis to his country house. While the latter was +making the necessary preparations for his guests, not forgetting the +music, and Matta pursuing his game to get an appetite, the Chevalier was +meditating on the execution of his project. + +As soon as he had regulated his plan of operations in his own mind, he +privately sent anonymous intelligence to the officer of the guard at the +palace that the Marquis de Senantes had had some words with Monsieur de +Matta the preceding night at supper; that the one had gone out in the +morning; and the other could not be found in the city. + +Madame Royale, alarmed at this advice, immediately sent for the +Chevalier de Grammont: he appeared surprised when her highness mentioned +the affair: he confessed, indeed, that some high words had passed +between them, but that he did not believe either of them would have +remembered them the next day. He said that if no mischief had yet taken +place, the best way would be to secure them both until the morning, and +that if they could be found, he would undertake to reconcile them, and +to obliterate all grievances: in this there was no great difficulty. +On inquiry at the Marquis's they were informed that he was gone to his +country-house: there certainly he was, and there they found him; the +officer put him under an arrest, without assigning any reason for so +doing, and left him in very great surprise. + +Immediately upon Matta's return from hunting, her Royal Highness sent +the same officer to desire him to give her his word that he would not +stir out that evening. This compliment very much surprised him, more +particularly as no reason was assigned for it. He was expected at a good +entertainment he was dying with hunger, and nothing appeared to him more +unreasonable than to oblige him to stay at home, in a situation like the +present; but he had given his word, and not knowing to what this might +tend, his only resource was to send for his friend; but his friend did +not come to him until his return from the country. He had there found +the Marquis in the midst of his fiddlers, and very much vexed to find +himself a prisoner in his own house on account of Matta, whom he was +waiting for in order to feast him: he complained of him bitterly to +the Chevalier de Grammont: he said that he did not believe that he had +offended him; but that, since he was very desirous of a quarrel, he +desired the Chevalier to acquaint him, if he felt the least displeasure +on the present occasion, he should, on the very first opportunity, +receive what is called satisfaction. The Chevalier de Grammont assured +him that no such thought had ever entered the mind of Matta; that on the +contrary, he knew that he very greatly esteemed him; that all this could +alone arise from the extreme tenderness of his lady, who, being alarmed +upon the report of the servants who waited at table, must have gone to +her Royal Highness, in order to prevent any unpleasant consequences; +that he thought this the more probable, as he had often told the +Marchioness, when speaking of Matta, that he was the best swordsman +in France; for, in truth, the poor gentleman had never fought without +having the misfortune of killing his man. + +The Marquis, being a little pacified, said he was very much obliged +to him, that he would severely chide his wife for her unseasonable +tenderness, and that he was extremely desirous of again enjoying the +pleasure of his dear friend Matta's company. + +The Chevalier de Grammont assured him that he would use all his +endeavours for that purpose, and at the same time gave strict charge +to his guard not to let him escape without orders from the Court, as he +seemed fully bent upon fighting, and they would be responsible for him: +there was no occasion to say more to have him strictly watched, though +there was no necessity for it. + +One being thus safely lodged, his next step was to secure the other: he +returned immediately to town: and as soon as Matta saw him, "What the +devil," said he, "is the meaning of this farce which I am obliged +to act? for my part, I cannot understand the foolish customs of this +country; how comes it that they make me a prisoner upon my parole?" "How +comes it?" said the Chevalier de Grammont, "it is because you yourself +are far more unaccountable than all their customs; you cannot help +disputing with a peevish fellow, whom you ought only to laugh at; +some officious footman has no doubt been talking of your last night's +dispute; you were seen to go out of town in the morning, and the Marquis +soon after; was not this sufficient to make her Royal Highness think +herself obliged to take these precautions? The Marquis is in custody; +they have only required your parole; so far, therefore, from taking +the affair in the sense you do, I should send very humbly to thank her +Highness for the kindness she has manifested towards you in putting +you under arrest, since it is only on your account that she interests +herself in the affair. I shall take a walk to the palace, where I will +endeavour to unravel this mystery; in the mean time, as there is but +little probability that the matter should be settled this evening, +you would do well to order supper; for I shall come back to you +immediately." + +Matta charged him not to fail to express to her Royal Highness the +grateful sense he had of her favour, though in truth he as little feared +the Marquis as he loved him; and it is impossible to express the degree +of his fortitude in stronger terms. + +The Chevalier de Grammont returned in about half an hour, with two or +three gentlemen whom Matta had got acquainted with at the chase, and +who, upon the report of the quarrel, waited upon him, and each offered +him separately his services against the unassisted and pacific Marquis. +Matta having returned them his thanks, insisted upon their staying +supper, and put on his robe de chambre. + +As soon as the Chevalier de Grammont perceived that every thing +coincided with his wishes, and that towards the end of the entertainment +the toasts went merrily round, he knew he was sure of his man till +next day: then taking him aside with the permission of the company, and +making use of a false confidence in order to disguise a real treachery, +he acquainted him, after having sworn him several times to secrecy, that +he had at last prevailed upon the little Saint Germain to grant him an +interview that night; for which reason he would take his leave, under +pretence of going to play at Court; he therefore desired him fully +to satisfy the company that he would not have left them on any other +account, as the Piedmontese are naturally mistrustful. Matta promised he +would manage this point with discretion; that he would make an apology +for him, and that there was no occasion for his personally taking leave: +then, after congratulating him upon the happy posture of his affairs, he +sent him away with all the expedition and secrecy imaginable; so great +was his fear lest his friend should lose the present opportunity. + +Matta then returned to the company, much pleased with the confidence +which had been placed in him, and with the share he had in the success +of this adventure. He put himself into the best humour imaginable in +order to divert the attention of his guests; he severely satirised +those, whose rage for gaming induced them to sacrifice to it every other +consideration; he loudly ridiculed the folly of the Chevalier upon this +article, and secretly laughed at the credulity of the Piedmontese, whom +he had deceived with so much ingenuity. + +It was late at night before the company broke up, and Matta went to bed, +very well satisfied with what he had done for his friend; and, if we may +credit appearances, this friend enjoyed the fruit of his perfidy. The +amorous Marchioness received him like one who wished to enhance the +value of the favour she bestowed; her charms were far from being +neglected; and if there are any circumstances in which we may detest the +traitor while we profit by the treason, this was not one of them; and +however successful the Chevalier de Grammont was in his intrigues, it +was not owing to him that the contrary was not believed; but, be that +as it may, being convinced that in love whatever is gained by address +is gained fairly, it does not appear that he ever showed the smallest +degree of repentance for this trick. But it is now time for its to take +him from the court of Savoy, to see him shine in that of France. + + + + +CHAPTER FIFTH. HE RETURNS TO THE COURT OF FRANCE--HIS ADVENTURES AT THE +SIEGE OF ARRAS--HIS REPLY TO CARDINAL MAZARIN--HE IS BANISHED THE COURT + + +The Chevalier de Grammont, upon his return to France, sustained, with +the greatest success, the reputation he had acquired abroad: alert in +play, active and vigilant in love; sometimes successful, and always +feared, in his intrigues; in war alike prepared for the events of good +or ill fortune; possessing an inexhaustible fund of pleasantry in the +former, and full of expedients and dexterity in the latter. + +Zealously attached to the Prince de Conde from inclination, he was a +witness, and, if we may be allowed to say it, his companion, in the +glory he had acquired at the celebrated battles of Lens, Norlinguen, and +Fribourg; and the details he so frequently gave of them were far from +diminishing their lustre. + + [Louis of Bourbon, Duke d'Enghien, afterwards, by the death of his + father in 1656, Prince de Conde. Of this great man Cardinal de Retz + says, "He was born a general, which never happened but to Caesar, to + Spinola, and to himself. He has equalled the first: he has + surpassed the second. Intrepidity is one of the least shining + strokes in his character. Nature had formed him with a mind as + great as his courage. Fortune, in setting him out in a time of + wars, has given this last a full extent to work in: his birth, or + rather his education, in a family devoted and enslaved to the court, + has kept the first within too straight bounds. He was not taught + time enough the great and general maxims which alone are able to + form men to think always consistently. He never had time to learn + them of himself, because he was prevented from his youth, by the + great affairs that fell unexpectedly to his share, and by the + continual success he met with. This defect in him was the cause, + that with the soul in the world the least inclined to evil, he has + committed injuries; that with the heart of an Alexander, he has, + like him, had his failings; that with a wonderful understanding, he + has acted imprudently; that having all the qualities which the Duke + Francis of Guise had, he has not served the state in some occasions + so well as he ought; and that having likewise having all the + qualities of the Duke Henry of Guise, he has not carried faction so + far as he might. He could not come up to the height of his merit; + which, though it be a defect, must yet be owned to be very uncommon, + and only to be found in persons of the greatest abilities."] + +So long as he had only some scruples of conscience, and a thousand +interests to sacrifice, he quitted all to follow a man, whom strong +motives and resentments, which in some manner appeared excusable, had +withdrawn from the paths of rectitude: he adhered to him in his first +disgrace, with a constancy of which there are few examples; but he could +not submit to the injuries which he afterwards received, and which such +an inviolable attachment so little merited. Therefore, without fearing +any reproach for a conduct which sufficiently justified itself, as he +had formerly deviated from his duty by entering into the service of the +Prince de Conde, he thought he had a right to leave him to return again +to his duty. + +His peace was soon made at Court, where many, far more culpable than +himself, were immediately received into favour, when they desired it; +for the queen, still terrified at the dangers into which the civil wars +had plunged the State at the commencement of her regency, endeavoured by +lenient measures to conciliate the minds of the people. + + [Anne of Austria, daughter of Philip III. of Spain, widow of Louis + XIII., to whom she was married in 1615, and mother of Louis XIV. + She died in 1666. Cardinal de Retz speaks of her in the following + terms. "The queen had more than anybody whom I ever knew, of that + sort of wit which was necessary for her not to appear a fool to + those that did not know her. She had in her more of harshness than + haughtiness; more of haughtiness than of greatness; more of outward + appearance than reality; more regard to money than liberality; more + of liberality than of self-interest; more of self-interest than + disinterestedness: she was more tied to persons by habit than by + affection; she had more of insensibility than of cruelty; she had a + better memory for injuries than for benefits; her intention towards + piety was greater than her piety; she had in her more of obstinacy + than of firmness; and more incapacity than of all the rest which I + mentioned before." Memoirs, vol. i., p. 247.] + +The policy of the minister was neither sanguinary nor revengeful: his +favourite maxim was rather to appease the minds of the discontented by +lenity, than to have recourse to violent measures; to be content with +losing nothing by the war, without being at the expense of gaining any +advantage from the enemy; to suffer his character to be very severely +handled, provided he could amass much wealth, and to spin out the +minority to the greatest possible extent. + + [Cardinal Mazarin, who, during a few of the latter years of his + life, governed France. He died at Vincennes the 9th of March 1661, + aged 59 years, leaving as heir to his name and property the Alarquis + de la Meilleray, who married his niece, and took the title of Duke + of Mazarin. On his death, Louis XIV. and the court appeared in + mourning, an honour not common, though Henry IV. had shewn it to the + memory of Gabrielle d'Estrees. Voltaire, who appears unwilling to + ascribe much ability to the cardinal, takes an opportunity, on + occasion of his death, to make the following observation. + --"We cannot refrain from combating the opinion, which supposes + prodigious abilities, and a genius almost divine, in those who have + governed empires with some degree of success. It is not a superior + penetration that makes statesmen; it is their character. All men, + how inconsiderable soever their share of sense may be, see their own + interest nearly alike. A citizen of Bern or Amsterdam, in this + respect, is equal to Sejanus, Ximenes, Buckingham, Richelieu, or + Mazarin; but our conduct and our enterprises depend absolutely on + our natural dispositions, and our success depends upon fortune." + Age of Louis XIV., chap. 5.] + +His avidity to heap up riches was not alone confined to the thousand +different means, with which he was furnished by his authority, and the +situation in which he was placed: his whole pursuit was gain: he was +naturally fond of gaming; but he only played to enrich himself, and +therefore, whenever he found an opportunity, he cheated. + +As he found the Chevalier de Grammont possessed a great deal of wit, and +a great deal of money, he was a man according to his wishes, and soon +became one of his set. The Chevalier soon perceived the artfulness and +dishonesty of the Cardinal, and thought it was allowable in him to put +in practice those talents which he had received from nature, not only in +his own defence, but even to attack him whenever an opportunity offered. +This would certainly be the place to mention these particulars; but who +can describe them with such ease and elegance as maybe expected by +those who have heard his own relation of them? Vain is the attempt to +endeavour to transcribe these entertaining anecdotes: their spirit seems +to evaporate upon paper; and in whatever light they are exposed the +delicacy of their colouring and their beauty is lost. + +It is, then, enough to say, that upon all occasions where address was +reciprocally employed, the Chevalier gained the advantage; and that if +he paid his court badly to the minister, he had the consolation to find, +that those who suffered themselves to be cheated, in the end gained no +great advantage from their complaisance; for they always continued in +an abject submission, while the Chevalier de Grammont, on a thousand +different occasions, never put himself under the least restraint. Of +which the following is one instance: + +The Spanish army, commanded by the Prince de Conde and the +archduke,--[Leopold, brother of the Emperor Ferdinand the +III.]--besieged Arras. The Court was advanced as far as Peronne.--[A +little bat strong town, standing among marshes on the river Somme, in +Picardy.]--The enemy, by the capture of this place, would have procured +a reputation for their army of which they were in great need; as the +French, for a considerable time past, had evinced a superiority in every +engagement. + +The Prince supported a tottering party, as far as their usual inactivity +and irresolution permitted him; but as in the events of war it is +necessary to act independently on some occasions, which, if once +suffered to escape, can never be retrieved; for want of this power +it frequently happened that his great abilities were of no avail. +The Spanish infantry had never recovered itself since the battle of +Rocroy;--[This famous battle was fought and won 19th May, 1643, five +days after the death of Louis XIII.]--and he who had ruined them by +that victory, by fighting against them, was the only man who now, by +commanding their army, was capable of repairing the mischief he had done +them. But the jealousy of the generals, and the distrust attendant upon +their counsels, tied up his hands. + +Nevertheless, the siege of Arras was vigorously carried on. + + [Voltaire observes, that it was the fortune of Turenne and Conde + to be always victorious when they fought at the head of the French, + and to be vanquished when they commanded the Spaniards. This was + Conde's fate before Arras, August 25, 1654, when he and the archduke + besieged that city. Turenne attacked them in their camp, and forced + their lines: the troops of the archduke were cut to pieces; and + Conde, with two regiments of French and Lorrainers, alone sustained + the efforts of Turenne's army; and, while the archduke was flying, + he defeated the Marshal de Hoquincourt, repulsed the Marshal de la + Ferte, and retreated victoriously himself, by covering the retreat + of the vanquished Spaniards. The king of Spain, in his letter to + him after this engagement, had these words: "I have been informed + that everything was lost, and that you have recovered everything."] + +The Cardinal was very sensible how dishonourable it would be to suffer +this place to be taken under his nose, and almost in sight of the king. +On the other hand, it was very hazardous to attempt its relief, the +Prince de Conde being a man who never neglected the smallest precaution +for the security of his lines; and if lines are attacked and not forced, +the greatest danger threatens the assailants. For, the more furious the +assault, the greater is the disorder in the retreat; and no man in the +world knew so well as the Prince de Conde how to make the best use of an +advantage. The army, commanded by Monsieur de Turenne, was considerably +weaker than that of the enemy; it was, likewise, the only resource they +had to depend upon. If this army was defeated, the loss of Arras was not +the only misfortune to be dreaded. + +The Cardinal, whose genius was happily adapted to such junctures, where +deceitful negotiations could extricate him out of difficulties, was +filled with terror at the sight of imminent danger, or of a decisive +event: he was of opinion to lay siege to some other place, the capture +of which might prove an indemnification for the loss of Arras; but +Monsieur de Turenne, who was altogether of a different opinion from the +Cardinal, resolved to march towards the enemy, and did not acquaint him +with his intentions until he was upon his march. The courier arrived in +the midst of his distress, and redoubled his apprehensions and alarms; +but there was then no remedy. + +The Marshal, whose great reputation had gained him the confidence of the +troops, had determined upon his measures before an express order from +the Court could prevent him. This was one of those occasions in which +the difficulties you encounter heighten the glory of success. Though the +general's capacity, in some measure, afforded comfort to the Court, they +nevertheless were upon the eve of an event, which in one way or other +must terminate both their hopes and their fears while the rest of +the courtiers were giving various opinions concerning the issue, +the Chevalier de Grammont determined to be an eye-witness of it; a +resolution which greatly surprised the court; for those who had seen as +many actions as he had, seemed to be exempted from such eagerness; but +it was in vain that his friends opposed his resolutions. + +The king was pleased with his intention; and the queen appeared no less +satisfied. He assured her that he would bring her good news; and she +promised to embrace him, if he was as good as his word. The Cardinal +made the same promise: to the latter, however, he did not pay much +attention; yet he believed it sincere, because the keeping of it would +cost him nothing. + +He set out in the dusk of the evening with Caseau, whom Monsieur de +Turenne had sent express to their majesties. The Duke of York, and the +Marquis d'Humieres, commanded under the Marshal: the latter was upon +duty when the Chevalier arrived, it being scarce daylight. The Duke of +York did not at first recollect him; but the Marquis d'Humieres, running +to him with open arms, "I thought," said he, "if any man came from +court to pay us a visit upon such an occasion as this, it would be the +Chevalier de Grammont. Well," continued he, "what are they doing at +Peronne?" + + [Louis de Crevans, Marechal of France. He died 1694. Voltaire says + of him, that he was the first who, at the siege of Arras, in 1658, + was served in silver in the trenches, and had ragouts and entremets + served up to his table.] + +"They are in great consternation," replied the Chevalier. "And what do +they think of us?" "They think," said he, "that if you beat the Prince, +you will do no more than your duty; if you are beaten, they will +think you fools and madmen, thus to have risked everything, without +considering the consequences." "Truly," said the Marquis, "you bring +us very comfortable news. Will you now go to Monsieur de Turenne's +quarters, to acquaint him with it; or will you choose rather to repose +yourself in mine? for you have been riding post all last night, and +perhaps did not experience much rest in the preceding." "Where have you +heard that the Chevalier de Grammont had ever any occasion for sleep?" +replied he: "Only order me a horse, that I may have the honour to attend +the Duke of York; for, most likely, he is not in the field so early, +except to visit some posts." + +The advanced guard was only at cannon shot from that of the enemy. +As soon as they arrived there, "I should like," said the Chevalier +de Grammont, "to advance as far as the sentry which is posted on that +eminence: I have some friends and acquaintance in their army, whom +I should wish to inquire after: I hope the Duke of York will give me +permission." At these words he advanced. The sentry, seeing him come +forward directly to his post, stood upon his guard the Chevalier stopped +as soon as he was within shot of him. The sentry answered the sign +which was made to him, and made another to the officer, who had begun to +advance as soon as he had seen the Chevalier come forward, and was soon +up with him; but seeing the Chevalier de Grammont alone, he made no +difficulty to let him approach. He desired leave of this officer to +inquire after some relations he had in their army, and at the same time +asked if the Duke d'Arscot was at the siege. "Sir," said he, "there he +is, just alighted under those trees, which you see on the left of our +grand guard: it is hardly a minute since he was here with the Prince +d'Aremberg, his brother, the Baron de Limbec, and Louvigny." "May I +see them upon parole?" said the Chevalier. "Sir," said he, "if I were +allowed to quit my post, I would do myself the honour of accompanying +you thither; but I will send to acquaint them, that the Chevalier de +Grammont desires to speak to them:" and, after having despatched one +of his guard towards them, he returned. "Sir," said the Chevalier de +Grammont, "may I take the liberty to inquire how I came to be known to +you?" "Is it possible," said the other, "that the Chevalier de Grammont +should forget La Motte, who had the honour to serve so long in his +regiment?" "What! is it you, my good friend, La Motte? Truly, I was to +blame for not remembering you, though you are in a dress very different +from that which I first saw you in at Bruxelles, when you taught the +Duchess of Guise to dance the triolets: and I am afraid your affairs are +not in so flourishing a condition as they were the campaign after I had +given you the company you mention." They were talking in this manner, +when the Duke d'Arscot, followed by the gentlemen above mentioned, came +up on full gallop. The Chevalier de Grammont was saluted by the whole +company before he could say a word. Soon after arrived an immense number +of others of his acquaintance, with many people, out of curiosity, on +both sides, who, seeing him upon the eminence, assembled together with +the greatest eagerness; so that the two armies, without design, without +truce, and without fraud, were going to join in conversation, if, by +chance, Monsieur de Turenne had not perceived it at a distance. The +sight surprised him: he hastened that way; and the Marquis d'Humieres +acquainted him with the arrival of the Chevalier de Grammont, who wished +to speak to the sentry before he went to the headquarters: he added, +that he could not comprehend how the devil he had managed to assemble +both armies around him, for it was hardly a minute since he had left +him. "Truly," said Monsieur de Turenne, "he is a very extraordinary man; +but it is only reasonable that he should let us now have a little of his +company, since he has paid his first visit to the enemy." At these words +he despatched an aide-de-camp, to recal the officers of his army, and to +acquaint the Chevalier de Grammont with his impatience to see him. + +This order arrived at the same time, with one of the same nature, to the +enemy's officers. The Prince de Conde, being informed of this peaceable +interview, was not the least surprised at it, when he heard that it was +occasioned by the arrival of the Chevalier de Grammont. He only gave +Lussan orders to recal the officers, and to desire the Chevalier to meet +him at the same place the next day; which the Chevalier promised to do, +provided Monsieur de Turenne should approve of it, as he made no doubt +he would. + +His reception in the king's army was equally agreeable as that which he +had experienced from the enemy. Monsieur de Turenne esteemed him no less +for his frankness than for the poignancy of his wit: he took it very +kindly that he was the only courtier who came to see him in a time so +critical as the present: the questions which he asked him about the +court were not so much for information, as to divert himself with +his manner of relating their different apprehensions and alarms. The +Chevalier de Grammont advised him to beat the enemy, if he did not +choose to be answerable for an enterprise which he had undertaken +without consulting the Cardinal. Monsieur de Turenne promised him he +would exert himself to the utmost to follow his advice, and assured him, +that if he succeeded, he would make the queen keep her word with him; +and concluded with saying, that he was not sorry the Prince de Conde +had expressed a desire to see him. His measures were taken for an +attack upon the lines: on this subject he discoursed in private with the +Chevalier de Grammont, and concealed nothing from him except the time +of execution: but this was all to no purpose; for the Chevalier had seen +too much, not to judge, from his own knowledge, and the observations he +had made, that from the situation of the army, the attack could be no +longer deferred. + +He set out the next day for his rendezvous, attended by a trumpet, and +found the Prince at the place which Monsieur de Lussan had described to +him the evening before. As soon as he alighted: "Is it possible," said +the Prince, embracing him, "that this can be the Chevalier de Grammont, +and that I should see him in the contrary party?" "It is you, my lord, +whom I see there," replied the Chevalier, "and I refer it to yourself, +whether it was the fault of the Chevalier de Grammont, or your own, that +we now embrace different interests." "I must confess," said the Prince, +"that if there are some who have abandoned me like base ungrateful +wretches, you have left me, as I left myself, like a man of honour, who +thinks himself in the right: but let us forget all cause of resentment, +and tell me what was your motive for coming here, you, whom I thought at +Peronne with the court." "Must I tell you?" said he: "why, faith then, +I came to save your life. I know that you cannot help being in the midst +of the enemy in a day of battle; it is only necessary for your horse +to be shot under you, and to be taken in arms, to meet with the same +treatment from this Cardinal, as your uncle Montmorency did from the +other. + + [Henry, Duke of Montmorency, who was taken prisoner first September, + 1692, and had his head struck off at Toulouse in the month of + November following.] + +"I come, therefore, to hold a horse in readiness for you, in case of +a similar misfortune, that you may not lose your head." "It is not the +first time," said the Prince, smiling, "that you have rendered me this +service, though the being taken prisoner at that time could not have +been so dangerous to me as now." + +From this conversation, they passed to more entertaining subjects. The +Prince asked him many questions concerning the court, the ladies, play, +and about his amours; and returning insensibly to the present situation +of affairs, the Chevalier having inquired after some officers of his +acquaintance, who had remained with him, the Prince told him that if he +chose, he might go to the lines, where he would have an opportunity +not only of seeing those whom he inquired after, but likewise the +disposition of the quarters and entrenchments. To this he consented, and +the Prince having shown him all the works and attended him back to their +rendezvous, "Well, Chevalier," said he, "when do you think we shall see +you again?" "Faith," replied he, "you have used me so handsomely, that +I shall conceal nothing from you. Hold yourself in readiness an hour +before daybreak; for, you may depend upon it, we shall attack you +to-morrow morning. I would not have acquainted you with this, perhaps, +had I been entrusted with the secret, but, nevertheless, in the present +case you may believe me." "You are still the same man," said the Prince, +again embracing him. The Chevalier returned to Monsieur de Turenne's +camp towards night; every preparation was then making for the attack of +the lines, and it was no longer a secret among the troops. + +"Well, Monsieur le Chevalier, were they all very glad to see you?" +said Monsieur de Turenne; "the Prince, no doubt, received you with the +greatest kindness, and asked a great number of questions?" "He has +shown me all the civility imaginable," replied the Chevalier; "and, to +convince me he did not take me for a spy, he led me round the lines +and entrenchments, and showed me the preparations he had made for +your reception." "And what is his opinion?" said the Marshal. "He is +persuaded that you will attack him to-night, or to-morrow by daybreak; +for you great captains," continued the Chevalier, "see through each +other's designs in a wonderful manner." + +Monsieur de Turenne, with pleasure, received this commendation from +a man who was not indiscriminately accustomed to bestow praise. He +communicated to him the disposition of the attack; and at the same time +acquainted him, that he was very happy that a man who had seen so many +actions was to be present at this; and that he esteemed it no small +advantage to have the benefit of his advice, but as he believed that the +remaining part of the night would be hardly sufficient for his repose, +after having passed the former without any refreshment, he consigned him +to the Marquis d'Humieres, who provided him with a supper and a lodging. + +The next day the lines of Arras were attacked, wherein Monsieur de +Turenne, being victorious, added additional lustre to his former glory; +and the Prince de Conde, though vanquished, lost nothing of his former +reputation. + +There are so many accounts of this celebrated battle, that to mention it +here would be altogether superfluous. The Chevalier de Grammont, who, +as a volunteer, was permitted to go into every part, has given a better +description of it than any other person. Monsieur de Turenne reaped +great advantage from that activity which never forsook the Chevalier +either in peace or war; and that presence of mind which enabled him to +carry orders, as coming from the general, so very apropos, that Monsieur +de Turenne, otherwise very particular in such matters, thanked him, when +the battle was over, in the presence of all his officers, and despatched +him to court with the first news of his success. + +All that is generally necessary in these expeditions, is to be +accustomed to hard riding, and to be well provided with fresh horses, +but he had a great many other obstacles to surmount. In the first +place, the parties of the enemy were dispersed over all the country, +and obstructed his passage. Then he had to prepare against greedy and +officious courtiers, who, on such occasions, post themselves in all the +avenues, in order to cheat the poor courier out of his news. However, +his address preserved him from the one, and deceived the others. + +He had taken eight or ten troopers, commanded by an officer of his +acquaintance, to escort him half way to Bapaume, being persuaded that +the greatest danger would lie between the camp and the first stage. He +had not proceeded a league before he was convinced of the truth of what +he suspected, and turning to the officer who followed him closely, "If +you are not well mounted," said he, "I would advise you to return to the +camp; for my part, I shall set spurs to my horse, and make the best of +my way." "Sir," said the officer, "I hope I shall be able to keep you +company, at whatever rate you go, until you are out of all danger." +"I doubt that," replied the Chevalier, "for those gentlemen there seem +prepared to pay us a visit." "Don't you see," said the officer, "they +are some of our own people who are grazing their horses?" "No," said +the Chevalier; "but I see very well that they are some of the enemy's +troopers." Upon which, observing to him that they were mounting, he +ordered the horsemen that escorted him to prepare themselves to make a +diversion, and he himself set off full speed towards Bapaume. + +He was mounted upon a very swift English horse; but having entangled +himself in a hollow way where the ground was deep and miry, he soon +had the troopers at his heels, who, supposing him to be some officer of +rank, would not be deceived, but continued to pursue him without paying +any attention to the others. The best mounted of the party began to +draw near him; for the English horses, swift as the wind on even ground, +proceeded but very indifferently in bad roads; the trooper presented +his carbine, and cried out to him, at some distance, "Good quarter." The +Chevalier de Grammont, who perceived that they gained upon him, and +that whatever efforts his horse made in such heavy ground, he must be +overtaken at last, immediately quitted the road to Bapaume, and took a +causeway to the left, which led quite a different way; as soon as he had +gained it, he drew up, as if to hear the proposal of the trooper, which +afforded his horse an opportunity of recovering himself; while his +enemy, mistaking his intention, and thinking that he only waited to +surrender, immediately exerted every effort, that he might take him +before the rest of his companions, who were following, could arrive, and +by this means almost killed his horse. + +One minute's reflection made the Chevalier consider what a disagreeable +adventure it would be, thus coming from so glorious a victory, and +the dangers of a battle so warmly disputed, to be taken by a set of +scoundrels who had not been in it, and, instead of being received in +triumph, and embraced by a great queen, for the important news with +which he was charged, to see himself stripped by the vanquished. + +During this short meditation, the trooper who followed him was arrived +within shot, and still presenting his carbine, offered him good quarter, +but the Chevalier de Grammont, to whom this offer, and the manner in +which it was made, were equally displeasing, made a sign to him to lower +his piece; and perceiving his horse to be in wind, he lowered his hand, +rode off like lightning, and left the trooper in such astonishment that +he even forgot to fire at him. + +As soon as he arrived at Bapaume, he changed horses; the commander of +this place showed him the greatest respect, assuring him that no person +had yet passed; that he would keep the secret, and that he would retain +all that followed him, except the couriers of Monsieur de Turenne. + +He now had only to guard against those who would be watching for him +about the environs of Peronne, to return as soon as they saw him, +and carry his news to court, without being acquainted with any of the +particulars. He knew very well that Marshal du Plessis, Marshal de +Villeroy, and Gaboury, had boasted of this to the Cardinal before his +departure. Wherefore, to elude this snare, he hired two well-mounted +horsemen at Bapaume, and as soon as he had got a league from that place, +and after giving them each two louis d'ors, to secure their fidelity, +he ordered them to ride on before, to appear very much terrified, and +to tell all those who should ask them any questions, "that all was lost, +that the Chevalier de Grammont had stopped at Bapaume, having no great +inclination to be the messenger of ill news; and that as for themselves, +they had been pursued by the enemy's troopers, who were spread over the +whole country since the defeat." + +Everything succeeded to his wish: the horsemen were intercepted by +Gaboury, whose eagerness had outstripped the two marshals'; but whatever +questions were asked them, they acted their parts so well, that Peronne +was already in consternation, and rumours of the defeat were whispered +among the courtiers, when the Chevalier de Grammont arrived. + +Nothing so enhances the value of good news, as when a false alarm of +bad has preceded; yet, though the Chevalier's was accompanied with this +advantage, none but their Majesties received it with that transport of +joy it deserved. + +The queen kept her promise to him in the most fascinating manner: +she embraced him before the whole court; the king appeared no less +delighted; but the Cardinal, whether with the view of lessening the +merit of an action which deserved a handsome reward, or whether it +was from a return of that insolence which always accompanied him in +prosperity, appeared at first not to pay any attention to what he said, +and being afterwards informed that the lines had been forced, that the +Spanish army was beaten, and that Arras was relieved, "Is the Prince de +Conde taken?" said he. "No," replied the Chevalier de Grammont. "He is +dead then, I suppose?" said the Cardinal. "Not so, neither," answered +the Chevalier. "Fine news indeed!" said the Cardinal, with an air of +contempt; and at these words he went into the queen's cabinet with +their majesties. And happy it was for the Chevalier that he did so, for +without doubt he would have given him some severe reply, in resentment +for those two fine questions, and the conclusion he had drawn from them. + +The court was filled with the Cardinal's spies: the Chevalier, as is +usual on such an occasion, was surrounded by a crowd of courtiers and +inquisitive people, and he was very glad to ease himself of some part +of the load which laid heavy on his heart, within the hearing of the +Cardinal's creatures, and which he would perhaps have told him to his +face. "Faith, gentlemen," said he, with a sneer, "there is nothing like +being zealous and eager in the service of kings and great princes: you +have seen what a gracious reception his Majesty has given me; you are +likewise witnesses in what an obliging manner the queen kept her promise +with me; but as for the Cardinal, he has received my news as if he +gained no more by it than he did by the death of Peter Mazarin." + + [Peter Mazarin was father to the Cardinal. He was a native of + Palermo in Sicily, which place he left in order to settle at Rome, + where he died in the year 1654.] + +This was sufficient to terrify all those who were sincerely attached +to him; and the best established fortune would have been ruined at some +period by a jest much less severe: for it was delivered in the presence +of witnesses, who were only desirous of having an opportunity of +representing it in its utmost malignancy, to make a merit of their +vigilance with a powerful and absolute minister. Of this the Chevalier +de Grammont was thoroughly convinced; yet whatever detriment he foresaw +might arise from it, he could not help being much pleased with what he +had said. + +The spies very faithfully discharged their duty: however, the affair +took a very different turn from what they expected. The next day, when +the Chevalier de Grammont was present while their Majesties were at +dinner, the Cardinal came in, and coming up to him, everybody making way +for him out of respect: "Chevalier," said he, "the news which you have +brought is very good, their Majesties are very well satisfied with it; +and to convince you it is more advantageous to me than the death of +Peter Mazarin, if you will come and dine with me we will have some play +together; for the queen will give us something to play for, over and +above her first promise." + +In this manner did the Chevalier de Grammont dare to provoke a powerful +minister, and this was all the resentment which the least vindictive of +all statesmen expressed on the occasion. It was indeed very unusual for +so young a man to reverence the authority of ministers no farther, than +as they were themselves respectable by their merit; for this, his own +breast, as well as the whole court, applauded him, and he enjoyed the +satisfaction of being the only man who durst preserve the least shadow +of liberty, in a general state of servitude; but it was perhaps owing +to the Cardinal's passing over this insult with impunity, that +he afterwards drew upon himself some difficulties, by other rash +expressions less fortunate in the event. + +In the mean time the court returned: the Cardinal, who was sensible that +he could no longer keep his master in a state of tutelage, being himself +worn out with cares and sickness, and having amassed treasures he knew +not what to do with, and being sufficiently loaded with the weight +of public odium, he turned all his thoughts towards terminating, in a +manner the most advantageous for France, a ministry which had so cruelly +shaken that kingdom. Thus, while he was earnestly laying the foundations +of a peace so ardently wished for, pleasure and plenty began to reign at +court. + +The Chevalier de Grammont experienced for a long time a variety of +fortune in love and gaming: he was esteemed by the courtiers, beloved by +beauties whom he neglected, and a dangerous favourite of those whom +he admired; more successful in play than in his amours; but the one +indemnifying him for want of success in the other, he was always full of +life and spirits; and in all transactions of importance, always a man of +honour. + +It is a pity that we must be forced here to interrupt the course of his +history, by an interval of some years, as has been already done at +the commencement of these memoirs. In a life where the most minute +circumstances are always singular and diverting, we can meet with no +chasm which does not afford regret; but whether he did not think them +worthy of holding a place among his other adventures, or that he has +only preserved a confused idea of them, we must pass to the parts of +these fragments which are better ascertained, that we may arrive at the +subject of his journey to England. + +The peace of the Pyrenees, the king's marriage,--the return of the +Prince de Conde, and the death of the Cardinal, gave a new face to the +state. + + [Louis XIV. married Maria Theresa of Austria. She was born 20th + September, 1638, married 1st June, 1660, and entered Paris 26th + August following. She died at Versailles 30th July, 1683, and was + buried at St. Denis.] + +The eyes of the whole nation were fixed upon their king, who, for +nobleness of mien, and gracefulness of person, had no equal; but it was +not then known that he was possessed of those superior abilities, which, +filling his subjects with admiration, in the end made him so formidable +to Europe. Love and ambition, the invisible springs of the intrigues +and cabals of all courts, attentively observed his first steps: pleasure +promised herself an absolute empire over a prince who had been kept +in ignorance of the necessary rules of government, and ambition had no +hopes of reigning in the court except in the minds of those who were +able to dispute the management of affairs; when men were surprised +to see the king on a sudden display such brilliant abilities, which +prudence, in some measure necessary, had so long obliged him to conceal. + +An application, inimical to the pleasures which generally attract that +age, and which unlimited power very seldom refuses, attached him solely +to the cares of government: all admired this wonderful change, but +all did not find their account in it: the great lost their consequence +before an absolute master, and the courtiers approached with reverential +awe the sole object of their respects and the sole master of their +fortunes: those who had conducted themselves like petty tyrants in +their provinces, and on the frontiers, were now no more than governors: +favours, according to the king's pleasure, were sometimes conferred on +merit, and sometimes for services done the state; but to importune, or +to menace the court, was no longer the method to obtain them. + +The Chevalier de Grammont regarded his master's attention to the affairs +of state as a prodigy: he could not conceive how he could submit at his +age to the rules he prescribed himself, or that he should give up so +many hours of pleasure, to devote them to the tiresome duties, and +laborious functions of government; but he blessed the Lord that +henceforward no more homage was to be paid, no more court to be made, +but to him alone, to whom they were justly due. Disdaining as he did +the servile adoration usually paid to a minister, he could never crouch +before the power of the two Cardinals who succeeded each other: +he neither worshipped the arbitrary power of the one, nor gave his +approbation to the artifices of the other; he had never received +anything from Cardinal Richelieu but an abbey, which, on account of +his rank, could not be refused him; and he never acquired anything from +Mazarin but what he won of him at play. + +By many years' experience under an able general he had acquired a talent +for war; but this during a general peace was of no further service to +him. He therefore thought that, in the midst of a court flourishing in +beauties and abounding in wealth, he could not employ himself better +than in endeavouring to gain the good opinion of his master, in making +the best use of those advantages which nature had given him for play, +and in putting in practice new stratagems in love. + +He succeeded very well in the two first of these projects, and as he had +from that time laid it down as the rule of his conduct to attach himself +solely to the king in all his views of preferment, to have no regard for +favour unless when it was supported by merit, to make himself beloved by +the courtiers and feared by the minister, to dare to undertake anything +in order to do good, and to engage in nothing at the expense of +innocence, he soon became one in all the king's parties of pleasure, +without gaining the ill will of the courtiers. In play he was +successful, in love unfortunate; or, to speak more properly, his +restlessness and jealousy overcame his natural prudence, in a situation +wherein he had most occasion for it. La Motte Agencourt was one of the +maids of honour to the queen dowager, and, though no sparkling beauty, +she had drawn away lovers from the celebrated Meneville. + + [These two ladies at this period seem to have made a distinguished + figure in the annals of gallantry. One of their contemporaries + mentions them in these terms: "In this case, perhaps, I can give a + better account than most people; as, for instance, they had raised a + report, when the queen-mother expelled Mademoiselle de la Motte + Agencourt, that it was on his score, when I am assured, upon very + good grounds, that it was for entertaining the Marquis de Richelieu + against her majesty's express command. This lady, who was one of + her maids of honour, was a person whom I was particularly acquainted + with; and that so much, as I was supposed to have a passion for her: + she was counted one of the finest women of the court, and therefore + I was not at all displeased to have it thought so; for except + Mademoiselle de Meneville, (who had her admirers,) there was none + that could pretend to dispute it" Memoirs of the Comte de Rochfort, + 1696, p. 210. See also Anquetil, Louis XVI. sa Cour et le Regent, + tome i. p. 46.] + +It was sufficient in those days for the king to cast his eye upon a +young lady of the court to inspire her with hopes, and often with tender +sentiments; but if he spoke to her more than once, the courtiers took it +for granted, and those who had either pretensions to, or love for her, +respectfully withdrew both the one and the other, and afterwards only +paid her respect; but the Chevalier de Grammont thought fit to act quite +otherwise, perhaps to preserve a singularity of character, which upon +the present occasion was of no avail. + +He had never before thought of her, but as soon as he found that she +was honoured with the king's attention, he was of opinion that she +was likewise deserving of his. Having attached himself to her, he soon +became very troublesome, without convincing her he was much in love. +She grew weary of his persecutions, but he would not desist, neither on +account of her ill-treatment nor of her threats. This conduct of his at +first made no great noise, because she was in hopes that he would change +his behaviour; but finding him rashly persist in it, she complained +of him: and then it was that he perceived that if love renders all +conditions equal, it is not so between rivals. He was banished the +court, and not finding any place in France which could console him for +what he most regretted--the presence and sight of his prince--after +having made some slight reflections upon his disgrace, and bestowed a +few imprecations against her who was the cause of it, he at last formed +the resolution of visiting England. + + + + +CHAPTER SIXTH. HIS ARRIVAL AT THE ENGLISH COURT--THE VARIOUS PERSONAGES +OF THIS COURT + + +Curiosity to see a man equally famous for his crimes and his elevation, +had once before induced the Chevalier de Grammont to visit England. +Reasons of state assume great privileges. Whatever appears advantageous +is lawful, and every thing that is necessary is honourable in politics. +While the King of England sought the protection of Spain in the Low +Countries, and that of the States-General in Holland, other powers sent +splendid embassies to Cromwell. + +This man, whose ambition had opened him a way to sovereign power by +the greatest crimes, maintained himself in it by accomplishments which +seemed to render him worthy of it by their lustre. The nation, of all +Europe the least submissive, patiently bore a yoke which did not even +leave her the shadow of that liberty of which she is so jealous; and +Cromwell, master of the Commonwealth, under the title of Protector, +feared at home, but yet more dreaded abroad, was at his highest pitch of +glory when he was seen by the Chevalier de Grammont; but the Chevalier +did not see any appearance of a court. One part of the nobility +proscribed, the other removed from employments; an affectation of purity +of manners, instead of the luxury which the pomp of courts displays all +taken together, presented nothing but sad and serious objects in the +finest city in the world; and therefore the Chevalier acquired nothing +by this voyage but the idea of some merit in a profligate man, and the +admiration of some concealed beauties he had found means to discover. + +Affairs wore quite a different appearance at his second voyage. The joy +for the restoration of the royal family still appeared in all parts. +The nation, fond of change and novelty, tasted the pleasure of a natural +government, and seemed to breathe again after a long oppression. In +short, the same people who, by a solemn abjuration, had excluded +even the posterity of their lawful sovereign, exhausted themselves in +festivals and rejoicings for his return. + +The Chevalier de Grammont arrived about two years after the restoration. +The reception he met with in this court soon made him forget the other; +and the engagements he in the end contracted in England lessened the +regret he had in leaving France. + +This was a desirable retreat for an exile of his disposition. + +Everything flattered his taste, and if the adventures he had in this +country were not the most considerable, they were at least the most +agreeable of his life. But before we relate them it will not be improper +to give some account of the English court, as it was at that period. + +The necessity of affairs had exposed Charles II. from his earliest youth +to the toils and perils of a bloody war. The fate of the king his father +had left him for inheritance nothing but his misfortunes and disgraces. +They overtook him everywhere; but it was not until he had struggled with +his ill-fortune to the last extremity that he submitted to the decrees +of Providence. + +All those who were either great on account of their birth or their +loyalty had followed him into exile; and all the young persons of the +greatest distinction having afterwards joined him, composed a court +worthy of a better fate. + +Plenty and prosperity, which are thought to tend only to corrupt +manners, found nothing to spoil in an indigent and wandering court. +Necessity, on the contrary, which produces a thousand advantages whether +we will or no, served them for education; and nothing was to be seen +among them but an emulation in glory, politeness, and virtue. + +With this little court, in such high esteem for merit, the King of +England returned two years prior to the period we mention, to ascend a +throne which, to all appearances, he was to fill as worthily as the +most glorious of his predecessors. The magnificence displayed on thus +occasion was renewed at his coronation. + +The death of the Duke of Gloucester, and of the Princess Royal, which +followed soon after, had interrupted the course of this splendour by +a tedious mourning, which they quitted at last to prepare for the +reception of the Infanta of Portugal. + + [The Princess Royal: Mary, eldest daughter of Charles I., born + November 4th, 1631, married to the Prince of Orange, 2nd May, 1641, + who died 27th October, 1650. She arrived in England, September + 23rd, and died of the smallpox, December 24th, 1660,-according to + Bishop Burnet, not much lamented. "She had lived," says the author, + "in her widowhood for some years with great reputation, kept a + decent court, and supported her brothers very liberally; and lived + within bounds. But her mother, who had the art of making herself + believe anything she had a mind to, upon a conversation with the + queen-mother of France, fancied the King of France might be inclined + to marry her. So she wrote to her to come to Paris. In order to + that, she made an equipage far above what she could support. So she + ran herself into debt, sold all her jewels, and some estates that + were in her power as her son's guardian; and was not only + disappointed of that vain expectation, but fell into some + misfortunes that lessened the reputation she had formerly lived in." + History of his Own Times, vol. i., p. 238. She was mother of + William III.] + + ["The Infanta, of Portugal landed in May (1662) at Portsmouth. The + king went thither, and was married privately by Lord Aubigny, a + secular priest, and almoner to the queen, according to the rites of + Rome, in the queen's chamber; none present but the Portuguese + ambassador, three more Portuguese of quality, and two or three + Portuguese women. What made this necessary was, that the Earl of + Sandwich did not marry her by proxy, as usual, before she came away. + How this happened, the duke knows not, nor did the chancellor know + of this private marriage. The queen would not be bedded, till + pronounced man and wife by Sheldon, bishop of London."--Extract 2, + from King James II.'s Journal.--Macpherson's State Papers, vol. i. + In the same collection is a curious letter from the King to Lord + Clarendon, giving his opinion of the queen after having seen her.] + +It was in the height of the rejoicings they were making for this new +queen, in all the splendour of a brilliant court, that the Chevalier de +Grammont arrived to contribute to its magnificence and diversions. + +Accustomed as he was to the grandeur of the court of France, he was +surprised at the politeness and splendour of the court of England. The +king was inferior to none, either in shape or air; his wit was pleasant; +his disposition easy and affable; his soul, susceptible of opposite +impressions, was compassionate to the unhappy, inflexible to the wicked, +and tender even to excess; he showed great abilities in urgent affairs, +but was incapable of application to any that were not so: his heart was +often the dupe, but oftener the slave, of his engagements. + +The character of the Duke of York was entirely different he had the +reputation of undaunted courage, an inviolable attachment for his word, +great economy in his affairs, hauteur, application, arrogance, each in +their turn: a scrupulous observer of the rules of duty and the laws of +justice; he was accounted a faithful friend, and an implacable enemy. + + [James, Duke of York, afterwards King James II. He was born 15th + October, 1633; succeeded his brother 6th February, 1684-5; abdicated + the crown in 1688; and died 6th September, 1701. Bishop Burnet's + character of him appears not very far from the truth.--"He was," + says this writer, "very brave in his youth; and so much magnified by + Monsieur Turenne, that till his marriage lessened him, he really + clouded the king, and passed for the superior genius. He was + naturally candid and sincere, and a firm friend, till affairs and + his religion wore out all his first principles and inclinations he + had a great desire to understand affairs: and in order to that he + kept a constant journal of all that passed, of which he showed me a + great deal. The Duke of Buckingham gave me once a short but severe + character of the two brothers. It was the more severe, because it + was true: the king, (he said,) could see things if he would: and the + duke would see things if he could. He had no true judgment, and was + soon determined by those whom he trusted: but he was obstinate + against all other advices. He was bred with high notions of kingly + authority, and laid it down for a maxim, that all who opposed the + king were rebels in their hearts. He was perpetually in one amour + or other, without being very nice in his choice: upon which the king + once said, he believed his brother had his mistress given him by his + priests for penance. He was naturally eager and revengeful: and was + against the taking off any, that set up in an opposition to the + measures of the court, and who by that means grew popular in the + house of commons. He was for rougher methods. He continued many + years dissembling his religion, and seemed zealous for the church of + England, but it was chiefly on design to hinder all propositions, + that tended to unite us among ourselves. He was a frugal prince, + and brought his court into method and magnificence, for he had + L100,000. a-year allowed him. He was made high admiral, and he came + to understand all the concerns of the sea very particularly."] + +His morality and justice, struggling for some time with prejudice, had +at last triumphed, by his acknowledging for his wife Miss Hyde, maid of +honour to the Princess Royal, whom he had secretly married in Holland. +Her father, from that time prime minister of England, supported by this +new interest, soon rose to the head of affairs, and had almost ruined +them: not that he wanted capacity, but he was too self-sufficient. + +The Duke of Ormond possessed the confidence and esteem of his master: +the greatness of his services, the splendour of his merit and his birth, +and the fortune he had abandoned in adhering to the fate of his prince, +rendered him worthy of it nor durst the courtiers even murmur at seeing +him grand steward of the household, first lord of the bed-chamber, +and lord-lieutenant of Ireland. He exactly resembled the Marshal de +Grammont, in the turn of his wit and the nobleness of his manners: and +like him was the honour of his master's court. + +The Duke of Buckingham and the Earl of St. Albans were the same in +England as they appeared in France: the one full of wit and vivacity, +dissipated, without splendour, an immense estate upon which he had +just entered: the other, a man of no great genius, had raised himself a +considerable fortune from nothing, and by losing at play, and keeping a +great table, made it appear greater than it was. + + ["The Duke of Buckingham is again one hundred and forty thousand + pounds in debt; and by this prorogation his creditors have time to + tear all his lands to pieces."--Andrew Marvell's Works, 4to. edit., + vol. i. p. 406.] + +Sir George Berkeley, afterwards Earl of Falmouth, was the confidant +and favourite of the King: he commanded the Duke of York's regiment of +guards, and governed the Duke himself. He had nothing very remarkable +either in his wit, or his person; but his sentiments were worthy of the +fortune which awaited him, when, on the very point of his elevation, he +was killed at sea. Never did disinterestedness so perfectly characterise +the greatness of the soul: he had no views but what tended to the glory +of his master: his credit was never employed but in advising him +to reward services, or to confer favours on merit: so polished in +conversation, that the greater his power, the greater was his humility; +and so sincere in all his proceedings, that he would never have been +taken for a courtier. + +The Duke of Ormond's sons and his nephews had been in the king's court +during his exile, and were far from diminishing its lustre after +his return. The Earl of Arran had a singular address in all kinds of +exercises, played well at tennis and on the guitar, and was pretty +successful in gallantry: his elder brother, the Earl of Ossory, was not +so lively, but of the most liberal sentiments, and of great probity. + +The elder of the Hamiltons, their cousin, was the man who of all the +court dressed best: he was well made in his person, and possessed those +happy talents which lead to fortune, and procure success in love: he was +a most assiduous courtier, had the most lively wit, the most polished +manners, and the most punctual attention to his master imaginable: no +person danced better, nor was any one a more general lover: a merit of +some account in a court entirely devoted to love and gallantry. It is +not at all surprising, that with these qualities he succeeded my Lord +Falmouth in the King's favour; but it is very extraordinary that he +should have experienced the same destiny, as if this sort of war had +been declared against merit only, and as if this sort of combat was +fatal to none but such as had certain hopes of a splendid fortune. This, +however, did not happen till some years afterwards. + +The beau Sydney, less dangerous than he appeared to be, had not +sufficient vivacity to support the impression which his figure made; but +little Jermyn was on all sides successful in his intrigues. + + [Robert Sydney, third son of the Earl of Leicester, and brother of + the famous Algernon Sydney, who was beheaded. This is Lord Orford's + account; though, on less authority, I should have been inclined to + have considered Henry Sydney, his younger brother, who was + afterwards created Earl of Rumney, and died 8th April, 1704, as the + person intended. There are some circumstances which seem + particularly to point to him. Burnet, speaking of him, says, "he + was a, graceful man, and had lived long in the court, where he lead + some adventures that became very public. He was a man of a sweet + and caressing temper, had no malice in his heart, but too great a + love of pleasure. He had been sent envoy to Holland in the year + 1679, where he entered into such particular confidences with the + prince, that he had the highest measure of his trust and favour that + any Englishman ever had."--History of his Own Times, vol. ii., p. + 494. + + In the Essay on Satire, by Dryden and Mulgrave, he is spoken of in + no very decent terms. + + "And little Sid, for simile renown'd, + Pleasure has always sought, but never found + Though all his thoughts on wine and women fall, + His are so bad, sure he ne'er thinks at all. + The flesh he lives upon is rank and strong; + His meat and mistresses are kept too long. + But sure we all mistake this pious man, + Who mortifies his person all he can + What we uncharitably take for sin, + Are only rules of this odd capuchin; + For never hermit, under grave pretence, + Has lived more contrary to common sense." + + These verses, however, have been applied to Sir Charles Sedley, + whose name was originally spelt Sidley. Robert Sydney died at + Pensburst, 1674.] + +The old Earl of St. Albans, his uncle, had for a long time adopted him, +though the youngest of all his nephews. It is well known what a table +the good man kept at Paris, while the King his master was starving at +Brussels, and the Queen Dowager, his mistress, lived not over well in +France. + + [To what a miserable state the queen was reduced may be seen in the + following extract from De Retz.--"Four or five days before the king + removed from Paris, I went to visit the Queen of England, whom I + found in her daughter's chamber, who hath been since Duchess of + Orleans. At my coming in she said, 'You see I am come to keep + Henrietta company. The poor child could not rise to-day for want of + a fire.' The truth is, that the cardinal for six months together + had not ordered her any money towards her pension; that no + trades-people would trust her for anything; and that there was not at + her lodgings in the Louvre one single billet. You will do me the + justice to suppose that the Princess of England did not keep her bed + the next day for want of a faggot; but it was not this which the + Princess of Conde meant in her letter. What she spoke about was, + that some days after my visiting the Queen of England, I remembered + the condition I had found her in, and had strongly represented the + shame of abandoning her in that manner, which caused the parliament + to send 40,000 livres to her majesty. Posterity will hardly believe + that a Princess of England, grand-daughter of Henry the Great, hath + wanted a faggot, in the month of January, to get out of bed in the + Louvre, and in the eyes of a French court. We read in histories, + with horror, of baseness less monstrous than this; and the little + concern I have met with about it in most people's minds, has obliged + me to make, I believe, a thousand times, this reflection,--that + examples of times past move men beyond comparison more than those of + their own times. We accustom ourselves to what we see; and I have + sometimes told you, that I doubted whether Caligula's horse being + made a consul would have surprised us so much as we imagine." + --Memoirs, vol. i., p. 261. As for the relative situation of the king + and Lord Jermyn, (afterwards St. Albans,) Lord Clarendon says, that + the "Marquis of Ormond was compelled to put himself in prison, with + other gentlemen, at a pistole a-week for his diet, and to walk the + streets a-foot, which was no honourable custom in Paris, whilst the + Lord Jermyn kept an excellent table for those who courted him, and + had a coach of his own, and all other accommodations incident to the + most full fortune: and if the king had the most urgent occasion for + the use but of twenty pistoles, as sometimes he had, he could not + find credit to borrow it, which he often had experiment of." + --History of the Rebellion, vol. iii., p. 2.] + +Jermyn, supported by his uncle's wealth, found it no difficult matter to +make a considerable figure upon his arrival at the court of the Princess +of Orange: the poor courtiers of the king her brother could not vie with +him in point of equipage and magnificence; and these two articles often +produce as much success in love as real merit: there is no necessity +for any other example than the present; for though Jermyn was brave, +and certainly a gentleman, yet he had neither brilliant actions, nor +distinguished rank, to set him off; and as for his fibre, there was +nothing advantageous in it. He was little: his head was large and his +legs small; his features were not disagreeable, but he was affected in +his carriage and behaviour. All his wit consisted in expressions learnt +by rote, which he occasionally employed either in raillery, or in love. +This was the whole foundation of the merit of a man so formidable in +amours. + +The Princess Royal was the first who was taken with him: Miss Hyde +seemed to be following the steps of her mistress: this immediately +brought him into credit, and his reputation was established in England +before his arrival. Prepossession in the minds of women is sufficient +to find access to their hearts: Jermyn found them in dispositions so +favourable for him, that he had nothing to do but to speak. + +It was in vain they perceived that a reputation so lightly established, +was still more weakly sustained: the prejudice remained: the Countess of +Castlemaine, a woman lively and discerning followed the delusive shadow; +and though undeceived in a reputation which promised so much, and +performed so little, she nevertheless continued in her infatuation: she +even persisted in it, until she was upon the point of embroiling herself +with the King; so great was this first instance of her constancy. + +Such were the heroes of the court. As for the beauties, you could not +look anywhere without seeing them: those of the greatest reputation were +this same Countess of Castlemaine, afterwards Duchess of Cleveland, Lady +Chesterfield, Lady Shrewsbury, the Mrs. Roberts, Mrs. Middleton, the +Misses Brooks, and a thousand others, who shone at court with equal +lustre; but it was Miss Hamilton and Miss Stewart who were its chief +ornaments. + + [Lady Shrewsbury: Anna, Maria, Countess of Shrewsbury, eldest + daughter of Robert Brudenel, Earl of Cardigan, and wife of Francis, + Earl of Shrewsbury, who was killed in a duel by George, Duke of + Buckingham, March 16, 1667. She afterwards re-married with George + Rodney Bridges, Esq., second son of Sir Thomas Bridges of Keynsham, + in Somersetshire, knight, and died April 20, 1702. By her second + husband she had one son, George Rodney Bridges, who died in 1751. + This woman is said to have been so abandoned, as to have held, in + the habit of a page, her gallant, the duke's horse, while he fought + and killed her husband; after which she went to bed with him, + stained with her husband's blood.] + +The new queen gave but little additional brilliancy to the court, either +in her person or in her retinue, which was then composed of the Countess +de Panetra, who came over with her in quality of lady of the bedchamber; +six frights, who called themselves maids of honour, and a duenna, +another monster, who took the title of governess to those extraordinary +beauties. + + [Lord Clarendon confirms, in some measure, this account. "There + was a numerous family of men and women, that were sent from + Portugal, the most improper to promote that conformity in the queen + that was necessary for her condition and future happiness that could + be chosen; the women, for the most part, old, and ugly, and proud, + incapable of any conversation with persons of quality and a liberal + education: and they desired, and indeed had conspired so far to + possess the queen themselves, that she should neither learn the + English language, nor use their habit, nor depart from the manners + and fashions of her own country in any particulars: which + resolution," they told, "would be for the dignity of Portugal, and + would quickly induce the English ladies to conform to her majesty's + practice. And this imagination had made that impression, that the + tailor who had been sent into Portugal to make her clothes could + never be admitted to see her, or receive any employment. Nor when + she came to Portsmouth, and found there several ladies of honour and + prime quality to attend her in the places to which they were + assigned by the king, did she receive any of them till the king + himself came; nor then with any grace, or the liberty that belonged + to their places and offices. She could not be persuaded to be + dressed out of the wardrobe that the king had sent to her, but would + wear the clothes which she had brought, until she found that the + king was displeased, and would be obeyed; whereupon she conformed, + against the advice of her women, who continued their opiniatrety, + without any one of them receding from their own mode, which exposed + them the more to reproach."--Continuation of Clarendon's Life, p. + 168. In a short time after their arrival in England, they were + ordered back to Portugal.] + +Among the men were Francisco de Melo, brother to the Countess de +Panetra; one Taurauvedez, who called himself Don Pedro Francisco Correo +de Silva, extremely handsome, but a greater fool than all the Portuguese +put together: he was more vain of his names than of his person; but the +Duke of Buckingham, a still greater fool than he, though more addicted +to raillery, gave him the additional name of Peter of the Wood. He +was so enraged at this, that, after many fruitless complaints and +ineffectual menaces, poor Pedro de Silva was obliged to leave England, +while the happy duke kept possession of a Portuguese nymph more hideous +than the queen's maids of honour, whom he had taken from him, as well as +two of his names. Besides these, there were six chaplains, four bakers, +a Jew perfumer, and a certain officer, probably without an office, who +called himself her highness's barber. Katharine de Braganza was far from +appearing with splendour in the charming court where she came to reign; +however, in the end she was pretty successful. + + [Lord Clarendon says, "the queen had beauty and wit enough to make + herself agreeable to him (the king); and it is very certain, that, + at their first meeting, and for some time after, the King had very + good satisfaction in her.... Though she was of years enough + to have had more experience of the world, and of as much wit as + could be wished, and of a humour very agreeable at some seasons, + yet, she had been bred, according to the mode and discipline of her + country, in a monastery, where she had only seen the women who + attended her, and conversed with the religious who resided there; + and, without doubt, in her inclinations, was enough disposed to have + been one of that number: and from this restraint she was called out + to be a great queen, and to a free conversation in a court that was + to be upon the matter new formed, and reduced from the manners of a + licentious age to the old rules and limits which had been observed + in better times; to which regular and decent conformity the present + disposition of men or women was not enough inclined to submit, nor + the king enough disposed to exact."--Continuation of Lord + Clarendon's Life, p. 167. After some struggle, she submitted to the + king's licentious conduct, and from that time lived upon easy terms + with him, until his death. On the 30th March, 1692, she left + Somerset-house, her usual residence, and retired to Lisbon, where + she died, 31st December, 1705, N. S.] + +The Chevalier de Grammont, who had been long known to the royal family, +and to most of the gentlemen of the court, had only to get acquainted +with the ladies; and for this he wanted no interpreter: they all +spoke French enough to explain themselves, and they all understood it +sufficiently to comprehend what he had to say to them. + +The queen's court was always very numerous; that of the duchess was less +so, but more select. This princess had a majestic air, a pretty good +shape, not much beauty, a great deal of wit, and so just a discernment +of merit, that, whoever of either sex were possessed of it, were sure to +be distinguished by her: an air of grandeur in all her actions made her +be considered as if born to support the rank: which placed her so near +the throne. + + ["The Duchess of York," says Bishop Burnet, "was a very + extraordinary woman. She had great knowledge, and a lively sense of + things. She soon understood what belonged to a princess, and took + state on her rather too much. She wrote well, and had begun the + duke's life, of which she showed me a volume. It was all drawn from + his journal; and he intended to have employed me in carrying it on. + She was bred in great strictness in religion, and practised secret + confession. Morley told me he was her confessor. She began at + twelve years old, and continued under his direction till, upon her + father's disgrace, he was put from the court. She was generous and + friendly, but was too severe an enemy."-history of his Own Times, + vol. i., p. 237. She was contracted to the duke at Breda, + November 24, 1659, and married at Worcester-house, 3rd September, + 1660, in the night, between eleven and two, by Dr. Joseph Crowther, + the duke's chaplain; the Lord Ossory giving her in marriage. + --Kennet's Register, p. 246. She died 31st March, 1671, having + previously acknowledged herself to be a Roman Catholic.--See also + her character by Bishop Morley.--Kennet's Register, p. 385, 390.] + +The queen dowager returned after the marriage of the princess royal, and +it was in her court that the two others met. + +The Chevalier de Grammont was soon liked by all parties those who +had not known him before were surprised to see a Frenchman of his +disposition. The king's restoration having drawn a great number of +foreigners from all countries to the court, the French were rather in +disgrace; for, instead of any persons of distinction having appeared +among the first who came over, they had only seen some insignificant +puppies, each striving to outdo the other in folly and extravagance, +despising everything which was not like themselves, and thinking they +introduced the 'bel air', by treating the English as strangers in their +own country. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, on the contrary, was familiar with everybody: +he gave in to their customs, eat of everything, and easily habituated +himself to their manner of living, which he looked upon as neither +vulgar nor barbarous; and as he showed a natural complaisance, instead +of the impertinent affectation of the others, all the nation was charmed +with a man, who agreeably indemnified them for what they had suffered +from the folly of the former. + +He first of all made his court to the king, and was of all his parties +of pleasure: he played high, and lost but seldom: he found so little +difference in the manners and conversation of those with whom he +chiefly associated, that he could scarcely believe he was out of his +own country. Everything which could agreeably engage a man of his +disposition, presented itself to his different humours, as if the +pleasures of the court of France had quitted it to accompany him in his +exile. + +He was every day engaged for some entertainment; and those who wished to +regale him in their turn, were obliged to take their measures in time, +and to invite him eight or ten days before hand. These importunate +civilities became tiresome in the long run; but as they seemed +indispensable to a man of his disposition, and as they were the most +genteel people of the court who loaded him with them, he submitted with +a good grace; but always reserved to himself the liberty of supping at +home. + +His supper hour depended upon play, and was indeed very uncertain; +but his supper was always served up with the greatest elegance, by the +assistance of one or two servants, who were excellent caterers and good +attendants, but understood cheating still better. + +The company, at these little entertainments, was not numerous, but +select: the first people of the court were commonly of the party; but +the man, who of all others suited him best on these occasions, never +failed to attend: that was the celebrated Saint Evremond, who with great +exactness, but too great freedom, had written the history of the treaty +of the Pyrenees: an exile like himself, though for very different +reasons. + +Happily for them both, fortune had, some time before the arrival of the +Chevalier de Grammont, brought Saint Evremond to England, after he had +had leisure to repent in Holland of the beauties of that famous satire. + + [Charles de St. Denis, Seigneur de Saint Evremond, was born at St. + Denis le Guast, in Lower Normandy, on the 1st of April, 1613. He + was educated at Paris, with a view to the profession of the law; but + he early quitted that pursuit, and went into the army, where he + signalized himself on several occasions. At the time of the + Pyrenean treaty, he wrote a letter censuring the conduct of Cardinal + Mazarin, which occasioned his being banished France. He first took + refuge in Holland; but, in 1662, he removed into England, where he + continued, with a short interval, during the rest of his life. In + 1675, the Duchess of Mazarin came to reside in England; and with her + St. Evremond passed much of his time. He preserved his health and + cheerfulness to a very great age, and died 9th of September, 1703, + aged ninety years, five months, and twenty days. His biographer + Monsieur Des Maizeaux, describes him thus: "M. de St. Evremond had + blue, lively, and sparkling eyes, a large forehead, thick eyebrows, + a handsome mouth, and a sneering physiognomy. Twenty years before + his death, a wen grew between his eye-brows, which in time increased + to a considerable bigness. He once designed to have it cut off, but + as it was no ways troublesome to him, and he little regarded that + kind of deformity, Dr. Le Fevre advised him to let it alone, lest + such an operation should be attended with dangerous symptoms in a + man of his age. He would often make merry with himself on account + of his wen, his great leather cap, and grey hair, which he chose to + wear rather than a periwig." St. Evremond was a kind of Epicurean + philosopher, and drew his own character in the following terms, in a + letter to Count de Grammont. "He was a philosopher equally removed + from superstition and impiety; a voluptuary who had no less aversion + from debauchery than inclination for pleasure: a man who had never + felt the pressure of indigence, and who had never been in possession + of affluence: he lived in a condition despised by those who have + everything, envied by those who have nothing, and relished by those + who make their reason the foundation of their happiness. When he + was young he hated profusion, being persuaded that some degree of + wealth was necessary for the conveniencies of a long life: when he + was old, he could hardly endure economy, being of opinion that want + is little to be dreaded when a man has but little time left to be + miserable. He was well pleased with nature, and did not complain of + fortune. He hated vice, was indulgent to frailties, and lamented + misfortunes. He sought not after the failings of men with a design + to expose them; he only found what was ridiculous in them for his + own amusement: he had a secret pleasure in discovering this himself, + and would, indeed, have had a still greater in discovering this to + others, had not he been checked by discretion. Life, in his + opinion, was too short to read all sorts of books, and to burden + one's memory with a multitude of things, at the expense of one's + judgment. He did not apply himself to the most learned writings, in + order to acquire knowledge, but to the most rational, to fortify his + reason: he sometimes chose the most delicate, to give delicacy to + his own taste, and sometimes the most agreeable, to give the same to + his own genius. It remains that he should be described, such as he + was, in friendship and in religion. In friendship he was more + constant than a philosopher, and more sincere than a young man of + good nature without experience. With regard to religion, his piety + consisted more in justice and charity than in penance or + mortification. He placed his confidence in God, trusting in His + goodness, and hoping that in the bosom of His providence he should + find his repose and his felicity."--He was buried in Westminster + Abbey.] + +The Chevalier was from that time his hero: they had each of them +attained to all the advantages which a knowledge of the world, and +the society of people of fashion, could add to the improvement of good +natural talents. Saint Evremond, less engaged in frivolous pursuits, +frequently gave little lectures to the Chevalier, and by making +observations upon the past, endeavoured to set him right for the +present, or to instruct him for the future. "You are now," said he, "in +the most agreeable way of life a man of your temper could wish for: you +are the delight of a youthful, sprightly, and gallant court: the king +has never a party of pleasure to which you are not admitted. You +play from morning to night, or, to speak more properly, from night to +morning, without knowing what it is to lose. Far from losing the money +you brought hither, as you have done in other places, you have doubled +it, trebled it, multiplied it almost beyond your wishes, notwithstanding +the exorbitant expenses you are imperceptibly led into. This, without +doubt, is the most desirable situation in the world: stop here, +Chevalier, and do not ruin your affairs by returning to your old sins. +Avoid love, by pursuing other pleasures: love has never been favourable +to you. + + ["Saint Evremond and Bussi-Rabutin, who have also written on the + life of the Count de Grammont, agree with Hamilton in representing + him as a man less fortunate in love than at play; not seeking for + any other pleasure in the conquest of a woman but that of depriving + another of her; and not able to persuade any one of his passion, + because he spoke to her, as at all other times, in jest: but cruelly + revenging himself on those who refused to hear him; corrupting the + servants of those whom they did favour, counterfeiting their + handwriting, intercepting their letters, disconcerting their + rendezvous; in one word, disturbing their amours by everything which + a rival, prodigal, indefatigable, and full of artifice, can be + imagined to do. The straitest ties of blood could not secure any + one from his detraction. His nephew, the Count de Guiche, was a + victim: he had in truth, offended the Count de Grammont, by having + supplanted him in the affection of the Countess de Fiesque, whom he + loved afterwards for the space of twelve years. Here was enough to + irritate the self-love of a man less persuaded of his own merit." + Hamilton does not describe the exterior of the count, but accuses + Bussi-Rabutin of having, in the following description, given a more + agreeable than faithful portrait of him: "The chevalier had laughing + eyes, a well-formed nose, a beautiful mouth, a small dimple in the + chin, which had an agreeable effect on his countenance, a certain + delicacy in his physiognomy, and a handsome shape, if he had not + stooped."] + +"You are sensible how much gallantry has cost you; and every person here +is not so well acquainted with that matter as yourself. Play boldly: +entertain the court with your wit: divert the king by your ingenious and +entertaining stories; but avoid all engagements which can deprive you of +this merit, and make you forget you are a stranger and an exile in this +delightful country. + +"Fortune may bow weary of befriending you at play. What would have +become of you, if your last misfortune had happened to you when your +money had been at as low an ebb as I have known it? Attend carefully +then to this necessary deity, and renounce the other. You will be missed +at the court of France before you grow weary of this; but be that as +it may, lay up a good store of money: when a man is rich he consoles +himself for his banishment. I know you well, my dear Chevalier: if you +take it into your head to seduce a lady, or to supplant a lover, your +gains at play will by no means suffice for presents and for bribes: no, +let play be as productive to you as it can be, you will never gain so +much by it as you will lose by love, if you yield to it. + +"You are in possession of a thousand splendid qualifications which +distinguish you here: generous, benevolent, elegant, and polite; and for +your engaging wit, inimitable. Upon a strict examination, perhaps, all +this would not be found literally true; but these are brilliant marks; +and since it is granted that you possess them, do not show yourself +here in any other light: for, in love, if your manner of paying your +addresses can be so denominated, you do not in the least resemble the +picture I have just now drawn." + +"My little philosophical monitor," said the Chevalier de Grammont, +"you talk here as if you were the Cato of Normandy." "Do I say anything +untrue?" replied Saint Evremond: "Is it not a fact, that as soon as a +woman pleases you, your first care is to find out whether she has any +other lover, and your second how to plague her; for the gaining her +affection is the last thing in your thoughts. You seldom engage in +intrigues, but to disturb the happiness of others: a mistress who has +no lovers would have no charms for you, and if she has, she would be +invaluable. Do not all the places through which you have passed furnish +me with a thousand examples? Shall I mention your coup d'essai at Turin? +the trick you played at Fontainebleau, where you robbed the Princess +Palatine's courier upon the highway? and for what purpose was this fine +exploit, but to put you in possession of some proofs of her affection +for another, in order to give her uneasiness and confusion by reproaches +and menaces, which you had no right to use? + +"Who but yourself ever took it into his head to place himself in ambush +upon the stairs, to disturb a man in an intrigue, and to pull him back +by the leg when he was half way up to his mistress's chamber? yet did +not you use your friend the Duke of Buckingham in this manner, when he +was stealing at night to ------ although you were not in the least his +rival? How many spies did not you send out after d'Olonne? + + [Mademoiselle de la Loupe, who is mentioned in De Retz's Memoirs, + vol. iii., p. 95. She married the Count d'Olonne, and became + famous for her gallantries, of which the Count de Bussi speaks so + much, in his History of the Amours of the Gauls. Her maiden name + was Catherine Henrietta d'Angennes, and she was daughter to Charles + d'Angennes, Lord of la Loupe, Baron of Amberville, by Mary du + Raynier. There is a long character of her by St. Evremond, in his + works, vol. i., p. 17. The same writer, mentioning the concern of + some ladies for the death of the Duke of Candale, says, "But his + true mistress (the Countess d'Olonne) made herself famous by the + excess of her affliction, and had, in my opinion, been happy, if she + had kept it on to the last. One amour is creditable to a lady; and + I know not whether it be not more advantageous to their reputation + than never to have been in love."--St. Evremond's works, vol. ii., + p. 24.] + +"How many tricks, frauds, and persecutions, did you not practise for the +Countess de Fiesque, who perhaps might have been constant to you, if you +had not yourself forced her to be otherwise? But, to conclude, for the +enumeration of your iniquities would be endless, give me leave to ask +you, how you came here? Are not we obliged to that same evil genius of +yours, which rashly inspired you to intermeddle even in the gallantries +of your prince? Show some discretion then on this point here, I beseech +you; all the beauties of the court are already engaged; and however +docile the English may be with respect to their wives, they can by no +means bear the inconstancy of their mistresses, nor patiently suffer the +advantages of a rival: suffer them therefore to remain in tranquillity, +and do not gain their ill-will for no purpose. + +"You certainly will meet with no success with such as are unmarried: +honourable views, and good landed property, are required here; and you +possess as much of the one as the other. Every country has its +customs: in Holland, unmarried ladies are of easy access, and of tender +dispositions; but as soon as ever they are married, they become like +so many Lucretias: in France, the women are great coquettes before +marriage, and still more so afterwards; but here it is a miracle if a +young lady yields to any proposal but that of matrimony and I do not +believe you yet so destitute of grace as to think of that." + +Such were Saint Evremond's lectures; but they were all to no purpose: +the Chevalier de Grammont only attended to them for his amusement; +and though he was sensible of the truth they contained, he paid little +regard to them: in fact, being weary of the favours of fortune, he had +just resolved to pursue those of love. + +Mrs. Middleton was the first whom he attacked: she was one of the +Handsomest women in town, though then little known at court: so much +of the coquette as to discourage no one; and so great was her desire of +appearing magnificently, that she was ambitious to vie with those of the +greatest fortunes, though unable to support the expense. All this suited +the Chevalier de Grammont; therefore, without trifling away his time in +useless ceremonies, he applied to her porter for admittance, and chose +one of her lovers for his confidant. + +This lover, who was not deficient in wit, was at that time a Mr. Jones, +afterwards Earl of Ranelagh: what engaged him to serve the Chevalier de +Grammont, was to traverse the designs of a most dangerous rival, and to +relieve himself from an expense which began to lie too heavy upon him. +In both respects the Chevalier answered his purpose. + +Immediately spies were placed, letters and presents flew about: he was +received as well as he could wish: he was permitted to ogle: he was +even ogled again; but this was all. He found that the fair one was very +willing to accept, but was tardy in making returns. This induced him, +without giving up his pretensions to her, to seek his fortune elsewhere. + +Among the queen's maids of honour, there was one called Warmestre: she +was a beauty very different from the other. Mrs. Middleton was well +made, fair, and delicate; but had in her behaviour and discourse +something precise and affected. The indolent languishing airs she gave +herself did not please everybody: people grew weary of those sentiments +of delicacy, which she endeavoured to explain without understanding +them herself; and instead of entertaining she became tiresome. In these +attempts she gave herself so much trouble, that she made the company +uneasy, and her ambition to pass for a wit, only established her the +reputation of being tiresome, which lasted much longer than her beauty. + +Miss Warmestre was brown: she had no shape at all, and still less air; +but she had a very lively complexion, very sparkling eyes, tempting +looks, which spared nothing that might ensnare a lover, and promised +everything which could preserve him. In the end, it very plainly +appeared that her consent went along with her eyes to the last degree of +indiscretion. + +It was between these two goddesses that the inclinations of the +Chevalier de Grammont stood wavering, and between whom his presents were +divided. Perfumed gloves, pocket looking-glasses, elegant boxes, apricot +paste, essences, and other small wares of love, arrived every week from +Paris, with some new suit for himself; but, with regard to more solid +presents, such as ear-rings, diamonds, brilliants, and bright guineas, +all this was to be met with of the best sort in London, and the ladies +were as well pleased with them as if they had been brought from abroad. + +Miss Stewart's beauty began at this time to be celebrated. + + [Frances, Duchess of Richmond, daughter of Walter Stewart, son of + Walter, Baron of Blantyre, and wife of Charles Stewart, Duke of + Richmond and Lennox: a lady of exquisite beauty, if justly + represented in a puncheon made by Roettiere, his majesty's engraver + of the mint, in order to strike a medal of her, which exhibits the + finest face that perhaps was ever seen. The king was supposed to be + desperately in love with her; and it became common discourse, that + there was a design on foot to get him divorced from the queen, in + order to marry this lady. Lord Clarendon was thought to have + promoted the match with the Duke of Richmond, thereby to prevent the + other design, which he imagined would hurt the king's character, + embroil his affairs at present, and entail all the evils of a + disputed succession on the nation. Whether he actually encouraged + the Duke of Richmond's marriage, doth not appear; but it is certain + that he was so strongly possessed of the king's inclination to a + divorce, that, even after his disgrace, he was persuaded the Duke of + Buckingham had under taken to carry that matter through the + parliament. It is certain too that the king considered him as the + chief promoter of Miss Stewart's marriage, and resented it in the + highest degree. (See Pepys' Diaries. Ed.) The ceremony took place + privately, and it was publicly declared in April, 1667. From one of + Sir Robert Southwell's dispatches, dated Lisbon, December 12, + 1667, it appears that the report of the queen's intended divorce had + not then subsided in her native country.--History of the Revolutions + of Portugal, 1740, p. 352. The duchess became a widow in 1672, and + died October 15, 1702. See Burnet's History, Ludlow's Memoirs, and + Carte's Life of the Duke of Ormond. A figure in wax of this duchess + is still to be seen in Westminster-abbey.] + +The Countess of Castlemaine perceived that the king paid attention to +her; but, instead of being alarmed at it, she favoured, as far as she +was able, this new inclination, whether from an indiscretion common +to all those who think themselves superior to the rest of mankind, or +whether she designed, by this pastime, to divert the king's attention +from the commerce which she held with Jermyn. She was not satisfied with +appearing without any degree of uneasiness at a preference which all +the court began to remark: she even affected to make Miss Stewart her +favourite, and invited her to all the entertainments she made for +the king; and, in confidence of her own charms, with the greatest +indiscretion, she often kept her to sleep. The king, who seldom +neglected to visit the countess before she rose, seldom failed likewise +to find Miss Stewart in bed with her. The most indifferent objects have +charms in a new attachment: however, the imprudent countess was not +jealous of this rival's appearing with her, in such a situation, being +confident, that whenever she thought fit, she could triumph over all the +advantages which these opportunities could afford Miss Stewart; but she +was quite mistaken. + +The Chevalier de Grammont took notice of this conduct, without being +able to comprehend it; but, as he was attentive to the inclinations of +the king, he began to make his court to him, by enhancing the merit +of this new mistress. Her figure was more showy than engaging: it was +hardly possible for a woman to have less wit, or more beauty: all her +features were fine and regular; but her shape was not good: yet she was +slender, straight enough, and taller than the generality of women: she +was very graceful, danced well, and spoke French better than her mother +tongue: she was well bred, and possessed, in perfection, that air of +dress which is so much admired, and which cannot be attained, unless it +be taken when young, in France. While her charms were gaining ground +in the king's heart, the Countess of Castlemaine amused herself in the +gratification of all her caprices. + +Mrs. Hyde was one of the first of the beauties who were prejudiced with +a blind prepossession in favour of Jermyn she had just married a +man whom she loved: by this marriage she became sister-in-law to the +duchess, brilliant by her own native lustre, and full of pleasantry and +wit. However, she was of opinion, that so long as she was not talked of +on account of Jermyn, all her other advantages would avail nothing for +her glory: it was, therefore, to receive this finishing stroke, that she +resolved to throw herself into his arms. + +She was of a middle size, had a skin of a dazzling whiteness, fine +hands, and a foot surprisingly beautiful, even in England: long custom +had given such a languishing tenderness to her looks, that she never +opened her eyes but like a Chinese; and, when she ogled, one would have +thought she was doing something else. + +Jermyn accepted of her at first; but, being soon puzzled what to do +with her, he thought it best to sacrifice her to Lady Castlemaine. The +sacrifice was far from being displeasing to her; it was much to her +glory to have carried off Jermyn from so many competitors; but this was +of no consequence in the end. + +Jacob Hall (the famous rope-dancer) was at that time in vogue in London; +his strength and agility charmed in public, even to a wish to know what +he was in private; for he appeared, in his tumbling dress, to be quite +of a different make, and to have limbs very different from the fortunate +Jermyn. + + ["There was a symmetry and elegance, as well as strength and + agility, in the person of Jacob Hall, which was much admired by the + ladies, who regarded him as a due composition of Hercules and + Adonis. The open-hearted Duchess of Cleveland was said to have been + in love with this rope-dancer and Goodman the player at the same + time. The former received a salary from her grace."--Granger, vol. + ii., part 2, p. 461. In reference to the connection between the + duchess and the ropedancer, Mr. Pope introduced the following lines + into his "Sober Advice from Horace:" + + "What push'd poor E--s on th' imperial whore? + 'Twas but to be where Charles had been before, + The fatal steel unjustly was apply'd, + When not his lust offended, but his pride + Too hard a penance for defeated sin, + Himself shut out, and Jacob Hall let in."] + +The tumbler did not deceive Lady Castlemaine's expectations, if report +may be believed; and as was intimated in many a song, much more to the +honour of the rope-dancer than of the countess; but she despised all +these rumours, and only appeared still more handsome. + +While satire thus found employment at her cost, there were continual +contests for the favours of another beauty, who was not much more +niggardly in that way than herself; this was the Countess of Shrewsbury. + +The Earl of Arran, who had been one of her first admirers, was not one +of the last to desert her; this beauty, less famous for her conquests +than for the misfortunes she occasioned, placed her greatest merits in +being more capricious than any other. As no person could boast of being +the only one in her favour; so no person could complain of having been +ill received. + +Jermyn was displeased that she had made no advances to him, without +considering that she had no leisure for it; his pride was offended; but +the attempt which he made to take her from the rest of her lovers was +very ill-advised. + +Thomas Howard, brother to the Earl of Carlisle, was one of them; there +was not a braver, nor a more genteel man in England; and though he was +of a modest demeanour, and his manners appeared gentle and pacific, +no person was more spirited nor more passionate. Lady Shrewsbury, +inconsiderately returning the first ogles of the invincible Jermyn, did +not at all make herself more agreeable to Howard; that, however, she +paid little attention to; yet, as she designed to keep fair with him, +she consented to accept an entertainment which he had often proposed, +and which she durst no longer refuse. A place of amusement, called +Spring Garden,--was fixed upon for the scene of this entertainment. + +As soon as the party was settled, Jermyn was privately informed of it. +Howard had a company in the regiment of guards, and one of the soldiers +of his company played pretty well on the bagpipes; this soldier was +therefore at the entertainment. Jermyn was at the garden, as by chance; +and, puffed up with his former successes, he trusted to his victorious +air for accomplishing this last enterprise; he no sooner appeared on the +walks, than her ladyship showed herself upon the balcony. + +I know not how she stood affected to her hero; but Howard did not fancy +him much; this did not prevent his coming up stairs upon the first sign +she made to him; and not content with acting the petty tyrant, at an +entertainment not made for himself, no sooner had he gained the soft +looks of the fair one, than he exhausted all his common-place, and all +his stock of low irony, in railing at the entertainment, and ridiculing +the music. + + [Spring Garden: They stay there so long as if they wanted not time + to finish the race; for it is usual here to find some of the young + company till midnight; and the thickets of the garden seem to be + contrived to all advantages of gallantry, after they have refreshed + with the collation, which is here seldom omitted, at a certain + cabaret, in the middle of this paradise, where the forbidden fruits + are certain trifling tarts, newts' tongues, spacious meats, and bad + Rhenish, for which the gallants pay sauce, as indeed they do at all + such houses throughout England; for they think it a piece of + frugality beneath them to bargain or account for what they eat in + any place, however unreasonably imposed upon.''-Character of + England, 12mo., 1659, p. 56, written, it is said, by John Evelyn, + Esq. Spring Garden is the scene of intrigue in many of our comedies + of this period.] + +Howard possessed but little raillery, and still less patience; three +times was the banquet on the point of being stained with blood; but +three times did he suppress his natural impetuosity, in order to satisfy +his resentment elsewhere with greater freedom. + +Jermyn, without paying the least attention to his ill-humour, pursued +his point, continued talking to Lady Shrewsbury, and did not leave her +until the repast was ended. + +He went to bed, proud of this triumph, and was awakened next morning by +a challenge. He took for his second Giles Rawlings, a man of intrigue, +and a deep player. Howard took Dillon, who was dexterous and brave, much +of a gentleman, and, unfortunately, an intimate friend to Rawlings. + +In this duel fortune did not side with the votaries of love poor +Rawlings was left stone dead; and Jermyn, having received three wounds, +was carried to his uncle's, with very little signs of life. + +While the report of this event engaged the courtiers according to their +several interests, the Chevalier de Grammont was informed by Jones, his +friend, his confidant, and his rival, that there was another gentleman +very attentive to Mrs. Middleton: this was Montagu, no very dangerous +rival on account of his person, but very much to be feared for his +assiduity, the acuteness of his wit, and for some other talents which +are of importance, when a man is once permitted to display them. + +There needed not half so much to bring into action all the Chevalier's +vivacity, in point of competition: vexation awakened in him whatever +expedients the desire of revenge, malice, and experience, could suggest, +for troubling the designs of a rival, and tormenting a mistress. His +first intention was to return her letters, and demand his presents, +before he began to tease her; but, rejecting this project, as too weak a +revenge for the injustice done him, he was upon the point of conspiring +the destruction of poor Mrs. Middleton, when, by accident, he met with +Miss Hamilton. From this moment ended all his resentment against Mrs. +Middleton, and all his attachment to Miss Warmestre: no longer was he +inconstant: no longer were his wishes fluctuating: this object +fixed them all; and, of all his former habits, none remained, except +uneasiness and jealousy. + +Here his first care was to please; but he very plainly saw, that to +succeed he must act quite in a different manner to that which he had +been accustomed to. + +The family of the Hamiltons, being very numerous, lived in a large +and commodious house, near the court: the Duke of Ormond's family was +continually with them; and here persons of the greatest distinction in +London, constantly met: the Chevalier de Grammont was here received in +a manner agreeable to his merit and quality, and was astonished that +he had spent so much time in other places; for, after having made this +acquaintance, he was desirous of no other. + +All the world agreed that Miss Hamilton was worthy of the most ardent +and sincere affection: nobody could boast a nobler birth, nothing was +more charming than her person. + + [Elizabeth, sister of the author of these Memoirs, and daughter of + Sir George Hamilton, fourth son of James, the first Earl of + Abercorn, by Mary, third daughter of Thomas, Viscount Thurles, + eldest son of Walter, eleventh Earl of Ormond, and sister to James, + the first Duke of Ormond. She married Philibert, Count of Grammont, + the hero of these Memoirs, by whom she had two daughters: Claude + Charlotte, married, 3rd April, 1694, to Henry, Earl of Stafford; and + another, who became superior, or abbess, of the Canonesses in + Lorraine.] + + + + +CHAPTER SEVENTH. HE FALLS IN LOVE WITH MISS HAMILTON--VARIOUS ADVENTURES +AT THE BALL IN THE QUEEN'S DRAWING-ROOM--CURIOUS VOYAGE OF HIS +VALET-DE-CHAMBRE TO AND FROM PARIS + + +The Chevalier de Grammont, never satisfied in his amours, was fortunate +without being beloved, and became jealous without having an attachment. + +Mrs. Middleton, as we have said, was going to experience what methods +he could invent to torment, after having experienced his powers of +pleasing. + +He went in search of her to the queen's drawing-room, where there was +a ball; there she was; but fortunately for her, Miss Hamilton was there +likewise. It had so happened, that of all the beautiful women at Court, +this was the lady whom he had least seen, and whom he had heard most +commended; this, therefore, was the first time that he had a close view +of her, and he soon found that he had seen nothing at court before this +instant; he asked her some questions, to which she replied; as long as +she was dancing, his eyes were fixed upon her; and from this time he no +longer resented Mrs. Middleton's conduct. Miss Hamilton was at the happy +age when the charms of the fair sex begin to bloom; she had the finest +shape, the loveliest neck, and most beautiful arms in the world; she +was majestic and graceful in all her movements; and she was the original +after which all the ladies copied in their taste and air of dress. Her +forehead was open, white, and smooth; her hair was well set, and fell +with ease into that natural order which it is so difficult to imitate. +Her complexion was possessed of a certain freshness, not to be equalled +by borrowed colours: her eyes were not large, but they were lively, +and capable of expressing whatever she pleased: her mouth was full of +graces, and her contour uncommonly perfect; nor was her nose, which was +small, delicate, and turned up, the least ornament of so lovely a face. +In fine, her air, her carriage, and the numberless graces dispersed over +her whole person, made the Chevalier de Grammont not doubt but that +she was possessed of every other qualification. Her mind was a +proper companion for such a form: she did not endeavour to shine in +conversation by those sprightly sallies which only puzzle; and with +still greater care she avoided that affected solemnity in her discourse, +which produces stupidity; but, without any eagerness to talk, she just +said what she ought, and no more. She had an admirable discernment +in distinguishing between solid and false wit; and far from making an +ostentatious display of her abilities, she was reserved, though very +just in her decisions: her sentiments were always noble, and even lofty +to the highest extent, when there was occasion; nevertheless, she was +less prepossessed with her own merit than is usually the case with those +who have so much. Formed, as we have described, she could not fail +of commanding love; but so far was she from courting it, that she was +scrupulously nice with respect to those whose merit might entitle them +to form any pretensions to her. + +The more the Chevalier de Grammont was convinced of these truths, +the more did he endeavour to please and engage her in his turn: +his entertaining wit, his conversation, lively, easy, and always +distinguished by novelty, constantly gained him attention; but he was +much embarrassed to find that presents, which so easily made their way +in his former method of courtship, were no longer proper in the mode +which, for the future, he was obliged to pursue. + +He had an old valet-de-chambre, called Termes, a bold thief, and a still +more impudent liar: he used to send this man from London every week, on +the commissions we have before mentioned; but after the disgrace of +Mrs. Middleton, and the adventure of Miss Warmestre, Mr. Termes was only +employed in bringing his master's clothes from Paris, and he did not +always acquit himself with the greatest fidelity in that employment, as +will appear hereafter. + +The queen was a woman of sense, and used all her endeavours to please +the king, by that kind obliging behaviour which her affection made +natural to her: she was particularly attentive in promoting every sort +of pleasure and amusement especially such as she could be present at +herself. + +She had contrived, for this purpose, a splendid masquerade, where those, +whom she appointed to dance, had to represent different nations; she +allowed some time for preparation, during which we may suppose, the +tailors, the mantua makers, and embroiderers, were not idle: nor were +the beauties, who were to be there, less anxiously employed; however, +Miss Hamilton found time enough to invent two or three little tricks, in +a conjuncture so favourable, for turning into ridicule the vain fools of +the court. There were two who were very eminently such: the one was Lady +Muskerry, who had married her cousin-german; and the other a maid of +honour to the Duchess, called Blague. + +The first, whose husband most assuredly never married her for beauty, +was made like the generality of rich heiresses, to whom just nature +seems sparing of her gifts, in proportion as they are loaded with those +of fortune: she had the shape of a woman big with child, without being +so; but had a very good reason for limping; for, of two legs uncommonly +short, one was much shorter than the other. A face suitable to this +description gave the finishing stroke to this disagreeable figure. + +Miss Blague was another species of ridicule: her shape was neither good +nor bad: her countenance bore the appearance of the greatest insipidity, +and her complexion was the same all over; with two little hollow eyes, +adorned with white eye-lashes, as long as one's finger. With these +attractions she placed herself in ambuscade to surprise unwary hearts; +but she might have done so in vain, had it not been for the arrival +of the Marquis de Brisacier. Heaven seemed to have made them for each +other: he had in his person and manners every requisite to dazzle a +creature of her character he talked eternally, without saying anything, +and in his dress exceeded the most extravagant fashions. Miss Blague +believed that all this finery was on her account; and the Marquis +believed that her long eyelashes had never taken aim at any but himself: +everybody perceived their inclination for each other; but they had only +conversed by mute interpreters, when Miss Hamilton took it into her head +to intermeddle in their affairs. + +She was willing to do everything in order, and therefore began with her +cousin Muskerry, on account of her rank. Her two darling foibles were +dress and dancing. Magnificence of dress was intolerable with her +figure; and though her dancing was still more insupportable, she never +missed a ball at court: and the queen had so much complaisance for the +public, as always to make her dance; but it was impossible to give her +a part in an entertainment so important and splendid as this masquerade: +however, she was dying with impatience for the orders she expected. + +It was in consequence of this impatience, of which Miss Hamilton was +informed, that she founded the design of diverting herself at the +expense of this silly woman. The queen sent notes to those whom she +appointed to be present, and described the manner in which they were +to be dressed. Miss Hamilton wrote a note exactly in the same manner to +Lady Muskerry, with directions for her to be dressed in the Babylonian +fashion. + +She assembled her counsel to advise about the means of sending it: this +cabinet was composed of one of her brothers and a sister, who were glad +to divert themselves at the expense of those who deserved it. After +having consulted some time, they at last resolved upon a mode of +conveying it into her own hands. Lord Muskerry was just going out, when +she received it: he was a man of honour, rather serious, very severe, +and a mortal enemy to ridicule. His wife's deformity was not so +intolerable to him, as the ridiculous figure she made upon all +occasions. He thought that he was safe in the present case, not +believing that the queen would spoil her masquerade by naming Lady +Muskerry as one of the dancers nevertheless, as he was acquainted with +the passion his wife had to expose herself in public, by her dress and +dancing, he had just been advising her very seriously to content herself +with being a spectator of this entertainment, even though the queen +should have the cruelty to engage her in it: he then took the liberty to +show her what little similarity there was between her figure, and that +of persons to whom dancing and magnificence in dress were allowable. His +sermon concluded at last, by an express prohibition to solicit a place +at this entertainment, which they had no thoughts of giving her; but far +from taking his advice in good part, she imagined that he was the only +person who had prevented the queen from doing her an honour she so +ardently desired; and as soon as he was gone out, her design was to go +and throw herself at her Majesty's feet to demand justice. She was in +this very disposition when she received the billet: three times did +she kiss it; and without regarding her husband's injunctions, she +immediately got into her coach in order to get information of the +merchants who traded to the Levant, in what manner the ladies of quality +dressed in Babylon. + +The plot laid for Miss Blague was of a different kind: she had such +faith in her charms, and was so confident of their effects, that she +could believe anything. Brisacier, whom she looked upon as desperately +smitten, had wit, which he set off with common-place talk, and +with little sonnets: he sung out of tune most methodically, and was +continually exerting one or other of these happy talents: the Duke of +Buckingham did all he could to spoil him, by the praises he bestowed +both upon his voice and upon his wit. + +Miss Blague, who hardly understood a word of French, regulated herself +upon the Duke's authority, in admiring the one and the other. It was +remarked, that all the words which he sung to her were in praise of fair +women, and that always taking this to herself, she cast down her eyes +in acknowledgment and consciousness. It was upon these observations they +resolved to make a jest of her, the first opportunity. + +While these little projects were forming, the king, who always wished to +oblige the Chevalier de Grammont, asked him, if he would make one at the +masquerade, on condition of being Miss Hamilton's partner? He did not +pretend to dance sufficiently well for an occasion like the present; yet +he was far from refusing the offer: "Sire," said he, "of all the favours +you have been pleased to show me, since my arrival, I feel this more +sensibly than any other; and to convince you of my gratitude, I promise +you all the good offices in my power with Miss Stewart." He said this, +because they had just given her an apartment separate from the rest of +the maids of honour, which made the courtiers begin to pay respect +to her. The king was very well pleased at this pleasantry, and having +thanked him for so necessary an offer: "Monsieur le Chevalier," said he, +"in what style do you intend to dress yourself for the ball? I leave you +the choice of all countries." "If so," said the Chevalier, "I will dress +after the French manner, in order to disguise myself; for they already +do me the honour to take me for an Englishman in your city of London. +Had it not been for this, I should have wished to have appeared as a +Roman; but for fear of embroiling myself with Prince Rupert, who so +warmly espouses the interests of Alexander against Lord Thanet, who +declares himself for Caesar, I dare no longer think of assuming the +hero: nevertheless, though I may dance awkwardly, yet, by observing +the tune, and with a little alertness, I hope to come off pretty well; +besides, Miss Hamilton will take care that too much attention shall +not be paid to me. As for my dress, I shall send Termes off tomorrow +morning; and if I do not show you at his return the most splendid habit +you have ever seen, look upon mine as the most disgraced nation in your +masquerade." + +Termes set out with ample instructions, on the subject of his journey: +and his master, redoubling his impatience on an occasion like the +present, before the courier could be landed, began to count the minutes +in expectation of his return: thus was he employed until the very eve of +the ball; and that was the day that Miss Hamilton and her little society +had fixed for the execution of their project. + +Martial gloves were then very much in fashion: she had by chance several +pairs of them: she sent one to Miss Blague, accompanied with four yards +of yellow riband, the palest she could find, to which she added this +note: + +"You were the other day more charming than all the fair women in the +world: you looked yesterday still more fair than you did the day before: +if you go on, what will become of my heart? But it is a long time since +that has been a prey to your pretty little young wild boar's eyes. Shall +you be at the masquerade to-morrow? But can there be any charms at an +entertainment, at which you are not present? It does not signify: I +shall know you in whatever disguise you may be: but I shall be better +informed of my fate, by the present I send you: you will wear knots of +this riband in your hair; and these gloves will kiss the most beautiful +hands in the universe." + +This billet, with the present, was delivered to Miss Blague with the +same success as the other had been conveyed to Lady Muskerry. Miss +Hamilton had just received an account of it, when the latter came to pay +her a visit: something seemed to possess her thoughts very much; +when, having stayed some time, her cousin desired her to walk into her +cabinet. As soon as they were there: "I desire your secrecy for what +I am going to tell you," said Lady Muskerry. "Do not you wonder what +strange creatures men are? Do not trust to them, my dear cousin: my Lord +Muskerry, who, before our marriage, could have passed whole days and +nights in seeing me dance, thinks proper now to forbid me dancing, and +says it does not become me. This is not all: he has so often rung in my +ears the subject of this masquerade, that I am obliged to hide from him +the honour the queen has done me, in inviting me to it. However, I am +surprised I am not informed who is to be my partner: but if you knew +what a plague it is, to find out, in this cursed town, in what manner +the people of Babylon dress, you would pity me for what I have suffered +since the time I have been appointed: besides, the cost which it puts me +to is beyond all imagination." + +Here it was that Miss Hamilton's inclination to laugh, which had +increased in proportion as she endeavoured to suppress it, at length +overcame her, and broke out in an immoderate fit: Lady Muskerry took it +in good humour, not doubting but it was the fantastical conduct of +her husband that she was laughing at. Miss Hamilton told her that all +husbands were much the same, and that one ought not to be concerned +at their whims; that she did not know who was to be her partner at the +masquerade; but that, as she was named, the gentleman named with +her would certainly not fail to attend her; although she could not +comprehend why he had not yet declared himself, unless he likewise had +some fantastical spouse, who had forbid him to dance. + +This conversation being finished, Lady Muskerry went away in great +haste, to endeavour to learn some news of her partner. Those who were +accomplices in the plot were laughing very heartily at this visit, when +Lord Muskerry paid them one in his turn, and taking Miss Hamilton aside: +"Do you know," said he, "whether there is to be any ball in the city +tomorrow?" "No," said she; "but why do you ask?" "Because," said he, "I +am informed that my wife is making great preparations of dress. I know +very well she is not to be at the masquerade: that I have taken care of; +but as the devil is in her for dancing, I am very much afraid that she +will be affording some fresh subject for ridicule, notwithstanding all +my precautions: however, if it was amongst the citizens, at some private +party, I should not much mind it." + +They satisfied him as well as they could, and having dismissed him, +under pretence of a thousand things they had to prepare for the next +day, Miss Hamilton thought herself at liberty for that morning, when +in came Miss Price, one of the maids of honour to the Duchess. This was +just what she was wishing for: This lady and Miss Blague had been at +variance some time, on account of Duncan, whom Miss Price had drawn away +from the other; and hatred still subsisted between these two divinities. + +Though the maids of honour were not nominated for the masquerade, yet +they were to assist at it; and, consequently, were to neglect nothing to +set themselves off to advantage. Miss Hamilton had still another pair of +gloves of the same sort as those she had sent to Miss Blague, which she +made a present of to her rival, with a few knots of the same riband, +which appeared to have been made on purpose for her, brown as she was. +Miss Price returned her a thousand thanks, and promised to do herself +the honour of wearing them at the ball. "You will oblige me if you do," +said Miss Hamilton, "but if you mention that such a trifle as this comes +from me, I shall never forgive you; but," continued she, "do not go and +rob poor Miss Blague of the Marquis Brisacier, as you already have of +Duncan: I know very well that it is wholly in your power: you have wit: +you speak French: and were he once to converse with you ever so little +the other could have no pretensions to him." This was enough: Miss +Blague was only ridiculous and coquettish: Miss Price was ridiculous, +coquettish, and something else besides. + +The day being come, the court, more splendid than ever, exhibited all +its magnificence at this masquerade. The company were all met except the +Chevalier de Grammont: every body was astonished that he should be one +of the last at such a time, as his readiness was so remarkable on every +occasion; but they were still more surprised to see him at length appear +in an ordinary court-dress, which he had worn before. The thing was +preposterous on such an occasion, and very extraordinary with respect +to him: in vain had he the finest point-lace, with the largest and best +powdered peruke imaginable his dress, magnificent enough for any other +purpose, was not at all proper for this entertainment. + +The king immediately took notice of it: "Chevalier," said he, "Termes +is not arrived then?" "Pardon me, sire," said he, "God be thanked!" "Why +God be thanked?" said the king; "has anything happened to him on the +road?" "Sire," said the Chevalier de Grammont, "this is the history of +my dress, and of Termes, my messenger." At these words the ball, +ready to begin, was suspended: the dancers making a circle around the +Chevalier de Grammont, he continued his story in the following manner: + +"It is now two days since this fellow ought to have been here, according +to my orders and his protestations: you may judge of my impatience all +this day, when I found he did not come: at last, after I had heartily +cursed him, about an hour ago he arrived, splashed all over from head +to foot, booted up to the waist, and looking as if he had been +excommunicated 'Very well, Mr. Scoundrel,' said I, 'this is just like +you, you must be waited for to the very last minute, and it is a miracle +that you are arrived at all.' 'Yes, faith,' said he, 'it is a miracle. +You are always grumbling: I had the finest suit in the world made for +you, which the Duke de Guise himself was at the trouble of ordering.' +'Give it me then, scoundrel,' said I. 'Sir,' said he, 'if I did not +employ a dozen embroiderers upon it, who did nothing but work day and +night, I am a rascal: I never left them one moment: 'And where is +it traitor?' said I: 'do not stand here prating, while I should be +dressing.' 'I had,' continued he, 'packed it up, made it tight, and +folded it in such a manner, that all the rain in the world could never +have been able to reach it; and I rid post, day and night, knowing your +impatience, and that you were not to be trifled with.' 'But where is +it?' said I. 'Lost, sir,' said he, clasping his hands. 'How! lost,' +said I, in surprise. 'Yes, lost, perished, swallowed up: what can I say +more?' 'What! was the packet-boat cast away then?' said I. 'Oh! indeed, +sir, a great deal worse, as you shall see,' answered he: 'I was within +half a league of Calais yesterday morning, and I was resolved to go by +the sea-side, to make greater haste; but, indeed, they say very true, +that nothing is like the highway; for I got into a quicksand, where I +sunk up to the chin.' 'A quicksand,' said I, 'near Calais?' 'Yes, sir,' +said he, 'and such a quicksand that, the devil take me, if they saw +anything but the top of my head when they pulled me out: as for my +horse, fifteen men could scarce get him out; but the portmanteau, where +I had unfortunately put your clothes, could never be found: it must be +at least a league under ground.' + +"This, sire," continued the Chevalier de Grammont, "is the adventure, +and the relation which this honest gentleman has given me of it. I +should certainly have killed him, but I was afraid of making Miss +Hamilton wait, and I was desirous of giving your Majesty immediate +advice of the quicksand, that your couriers may take care to avoid it." + +The King was ready to split his sides with laughing, when the Chevalier +de Grammont, resuming the discourse, "apropos, sire," said he, "I had +forgot to tell you, that, to increase my ill-humour, I was stopped, as +I was getting out of my chair, by the devil of a phantom in masquerade, +who would by all means persuade me that the queen had commanded me +to dance with her; and as I excused myself with the least rudeness +possible, she charged me to find out who was to be her partner, and +desired me to send him to her immediately so that your Majesty will do +well to give orders about it; for she has placed herself in ambush in +a coach, to seize upon all those who pass through Whitehall. However, +I must tell you, that it is worth while to see her dress; for she must +have at least sixty ells of gauze and silver tissue about her, not +to mention a sort of a pyramid upon her head, adorned with a hundred +thousand baubles." + +This last account surprised all the assembly, except those who had a +share in the plot. The queen assured them, that all she had appointed +for the ball were present; and the king, having paused some minutes: "I +bet," said he, "that it is the Duchess of Newcastle." "And I," said Lord +Muskerry, coming up to Miss Hamilton, "will bet it is another fool; for +I am very much mistaken if it is not my wife." + +The king was for sending to know who it was, and to bring her in: +Lord Muskerry offered himself for that service, for the reason already +mentioned; and it was very well he did so. Miss Hamilton was not sorry +for this, knowing very well that he was not mistaken in his conjecture; +the jest would have gone much farther than she intended, if the Princess +of Babylon had appeared in all her glory. + +The ball was not very well executed, if one maybe allowed the +expression, so long as they danced only slow dances; and yet there were +as good dancers, and as beautiful women in this assembly, as were to be +found in the whole world: but as their number was not great, they left +the French, and went to country dances. When they had danced some time, +the king thought fit to introduce his auxiliaries, to give the others +a little respite; the queen's and the duchess's maids of honour were +therefore called in to dance with the gentlemen. + +Then it was that they were at leisure to take notice of Miss Blague, +and they found that the billet they had conveyed to her on the part of +Brisacier had its effect: she was more yellow than saffron: her hair was +stuffed with the citron-coloured riband, which she had put there out of +complaisance; and, to inform Brisacier of his fate, she raised often to +her head her victorious hands, adorned with the gloves we have before +mentioned: but, if they were surprised to see her in a head-dress that +made her look more wan than ever, she was very differently surprised +to see Miss Price partake with her in every particular of Brisacier's +present: her surprise soon turned to jealousy; for her rival had not +failed to join in conversation with him, on account of what had been +insinuated to her the evening before; nor did Brisacier fail to return +her first advances, without paying the least attention to the fair +Blague, nor to the signs which she was tormenting herself to make him, +to inform him of his happy destiny. + +Miss Price was short and thick, and consequently no dancer, the Duke of +Buckingham, who brought Brisacier forward as often as he could, came to +desire him, on the part of the king, to dance with Miss Blague, without +knowing what was then passing in this nymph's heart: Brisacier excused +himself, on account of the contempt that he had for country dances: Miss +Blague thought that it was herself that he despised; and, seeing that he +was engaged in conversation with her mortal enemy, she began to dance, +without knowing what she was doing. Though her indignation and jealousy +were sufficiently remarkable to divert the court, none but Miss Hamilton +and her accomplices, understood the joke perfectly: their pleasure was +quite complete; for Lord Muskerry returned, still more confounded at the +vision, of which the Chevalier de Grammont had given the description. He +acquainted Miss Hamilton, that it was Lady Muskerry herself, a thousand +times more ridiculous than she had ever been before, and that he had had +an immense trouble to get her home, and place a sentry at her chamber +door. + +The reader may think, perhaps, that we have dwelt too long on these +trifling incidents; perhaps he may be right. We will therefore pass to +others. + +Everything favoured the Chevalier de Grammont in the new passion which +he entertained: he was not, however, without rivals; but, what is +a great deal more extraordinary, he was without uneasiness: he was +acquainted with their understandings, and no stranger to Miss Hamilton's +way of thinking. + +Among her lovers, the most considerable, though the least professedly +so, was the Duke of York: it was in vain for him to conceal it, the +court was too well acquainted with his character to doubt of his +inclinations for her. He did not think it proper to declare such +sentiments as were not fit for Miss Hamilton to hear; but he talked to +her as much as he could, and ogled her with great assiduity. As hunting +was his favourite diversion, that sport employed him one part of the +day, and he came home generally much fatigued; but Miss Hamilton's +presence revived him, when he found her either with the queen or the +duchess. There it was that, not daring to tell her of what lay heavy on +his heart, he entertained her with what he had in his head: telling her +miracles of the cunning of foxes and the mettle of horses; giving +her accounts of broken legs and arms, dislocated shoulders, and other +curious and entertaining adventures; after which, his eyes told her the +rest, till such time as sleep interrupted their conversation; for these +tender interpreters could not help sometimes composing themselves in the +midst of their ogling. + +The duchess was not at all alarmed at a passion which her rival was far +from thinking sincere, and with which she used to divert herself, as +far as respect would admit her; on the contrary, as her highness had +an affection and esteem for Miss Hamilton, she never treated her more +graciously than on the present occasion. + +The two Russells, uncle and nephew,--were two other of the Chevalier +de Grammont's rivals: the uncle was full seventy, and had distinguished +himself by his courage and fidelity in the civil wars. His passions and +intentions, with regard to Miss Hamilton, appeared both at once; but +his magnificence only appeared by halves in those gallantries which love +inspires. It was not long since the fashion of high crowned hats had +been left off, in order to fall into the other extreme. Old Russell, +amazed at so terrible a change, resolved to keep a medium, which made +him remarkable: he was still more so, by his constancy for cut +doublets, which he supported a long time after they had been universally +suppressed; but, what was more surprising than all, was a certain +mixture of avarice and liberality, constantly at war with each other, +ever since he had entered the list with love. + +His nephew was only of a younger brother's family, but was considered as +his uncle's heir; and though he was under the necessity of attending to +his uncle for an establishment, and still more so of humouring him, in +order to get his estate, he could not avoid his fate. Mrs. Middleton +showed him a sufficient degree of preference; but her favours could not +secure him from the charms of Miss Hamilton: his person would have had +nothing disagreeable in it, if he had but left it to nature; but he was +formal in all his actions, and silent even to stupidity; and yet rather +more tiresome when he did speak. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, very much at his ease in all these +competitions, engaged himself more and more in his passion, without +forming other designs, or conceiving other hopes, than to render himself +agreeable. Though his passion was openly declared, no person at court +regarded it otherwise than as a habit of gallantry, which goes no +farther than to do justice to merit. + +His monitor, Saint Evremond, was quite of a different opinion; +and finding, that, besides an immense increase of magnificence and +assiduity, he regretted those hours which he bestowed on play; that he +no longer sought after those long and agreeable conversations they used +to have together; and that this new attachment everywhere robbed him of +himself: + +"Monsieur le Chevalier," said he, "methinks that for some time you +have left the town beauties and their lovers in perfect repose: Mrs. +Middleton makes fresh conquests with impunity, and wears your presents, +under your nose, without your taking the smallest notice. Poor Miss +Warmestre has been very quietly brought to bed in the midst of the +court, without your having even said a word about it. I foresaw it +plain enough, Monsieur le Chevalier, you have got acquainted with Miss +Hamilton, and, what has never before happened to you, you are really in +love; but let us consider a little what may be the consequence. In +the first place, then, I believe, you have not the least intention +of seducing her: such is her birth and merit, that if you were in +possession of the estate and title of your family, it might be excusable +in you to offer yourself upon honourable terms, however ridiculous +marriage may be in general; for, if you only wish for wit, prudence, +and the treasures of beauty, you could not pay your addresses to a more +proper person: but for you, who possess only a very moderate share of +those of fortune, you cannot pay your addresses more improperly. + +"For your brother Toulongeon, whose disposition I am acquainted with, +will not have the complaisance to die, to favour your pretensions: but +suppose you had a competent fortune for you both--and that is +supposing a good deal--are you acquainted with the delicacy, not to say +capriciousness, of this fair one about such an engagement? Do you know +that she has had the choice of the best matches in England? The Duke of +Richmond paid his addresses to her first; but though he was in love with +her, still he was mercenary: however, the king, observing that want of +fortune was the only impediment to the match, took that article upon +himself, out of regard to the Duke of Ormond, to the merit and birth of +Miss Hamilton, and to her father's services; but, resenting that a +man, who pretended to be in love, should bargain like a merchant, and +likewise reflecting upon his character in the world, she did not think +that being Duchess of Richmond was a sufficient recompense for the +danger that was to be feared from a brute and a debauchee. + +"Has not little Jermyn, notwithstanding his uncle's great estate, and +his own brilliant reputation, failed in his suit to her? And has she +ever so much as vouchsafed to look at Henry Howard, who is upon the +point of being the first duke in England, and who is already in actual +possession of all the estates of the house of Norfolk? I confess that he +is a clown, but what other lady in all England would not have dispensed +with his stupidity and his disagreeable person, to be the first duchess +in the kingdom, with twenty-five thousand a year? + +"To conclude, Lord Falmouth has told me himself, that he has always +looked upon her as the only acquisition wanting to complete his +happiness: but, that even at the height of the splendour of his fortune, +he never had had the assurance to open his sentiments to her; that +he either felt in himself too much weakness, or too much pride, to be +satisfied with obtaining her solely by the persuasion of her relations; +and that, though the first refusals of the fair on such occasions are +not much minded, he knew with what an air she had received the addresses +of those whose persons she did not like. After this, Monsieur le +Chevalier, consider what method you intend to pursue: for, if you are in +love, the passion will still increase, and the greater the attachment, +the less capable will you be of making those serious reflections that +are now in your power." + +"My poor philosopher," answered the Chevalier de Grammont, "you +understand Latin very well, you can make good verses, you understand +the course, and are acquainted with the nature of the stars in the +firmament; but, as for the luminaries of the terrestrial globe, you +are utterly unacquainted with them: you have told me nothing about Miss +Hamilton, but what the king told me three days ago. That she has refused +the savages you have mentioned is all in her favour if she had admitted +their addresses, I would have had nothing to say to her, though I love +her to distraction. Attend now to what I am going to say: I am resolved +to marry her, and I will have my tutor Saint Evremond himself to be the +first man to commend me for it. As for an establishment, I shall make my +peace with the king, and will solicit him to make her one of the ladies +of the bed-chamber to the queen: this he will grant me. Toulongeon will +die, without my assistance. + + [Count de Toulongeon was elder brother to Count Grammont, who, by + his death, in 1679, became, according to St. Evremond, on that + event, one of the richest noblemen at court.--See St. Evremond's + Works. vol. ii., p. 327.] + +"Notwithstanding all his care; Miss Hamilton will have Semeat,--[A +country seat belonging to the family of the Grammonts.]--with the +Chevalier de Grammont, as an indemnification for the Norfolks and +Richmonds. Now, have you any thing to advance against this project? For +I will bet you an hundred louis, that everything will happen as I have +foretold it." + +At this time the king's attachment to Miss Stewart was so public, that +every person perceived, that if she was but possessed of art, she might +become as absolute a mistress over his conduct as she was over his +heart. This was a fine opportunity for those who had experience and +ambition. The Duke of Buckingham formed the design of governing her, in +order to ingratiate himself with the king: God knows what a governor he +would have been, and what a head he was possessed of, to guide another; +however, he was the properest man in the world to insinuate himself +with Miss Stewart: she was childish in her behaviour, and laughed at +everything, and her taste for frivolous amusements, though unaffected, +was only allowable in a girl about twelve or thirteen years old. A +child, however, she was, in every other respect, except playing with +a doll: blind man's buff was her most favourite amusement: she was +building castles of cards, while the deepest play was going on in her +apartments, where you saw her surrounded by eager courtiers, who handed +her the cards, or young architects, who endeavoured to imitate her. + +She had, however, a passion for music, and had some taste for singing. +The Duke of Buckingham, who built the finest towers of cards imaginable, +had an agreeable voice: she had no aversion to scandal: and the duke was +both the father and the mother of scandal, he made songs, and invented +old women's stories, with which she was delighted; but his particular +talent consisted in turning into ridicule whatever was ridiculous in +other people, and in taking them off, even in their presence, without +their perceiving it: in short, he knew how to act all parts with so much +grace and pleasantry, that it was difficult to do without him, when he +had a mind to make himself agreeable; and he made himself so necessary +to Miss Stewart's amusement, that she sent all over the town to seek for +him, when he did not attend the king to her apartments. + +He was extremely handsome, and still thought himself much more so than +he really was: although he had a great deal of discernment, yet his +vanity made him mistake some civilities as intended for his person, +which were only bestowed on his wit and drollery: in short, being +seduced by too good an opinion of his own merit, he forgot his first +project and his Portuguese mistress, in order to pursue a fancy in which +he mistook himself; for he no sooner began to act a serious part with +Miss Stewart, than he met with so severe a repulse that he abandoned, +at once, all his designs upon her: however, the familiarity she had +procured him with the king, opened the way to those favours to which he +was afterwards advanced. + + [George Villiers, the second Duke of Buckingham, was born 30th + January, 1627. Lord Orford observes, "When this extraordinary man, + with the figure and genius of Alcibiades, could equally charm the + presbyterian Fairfax and the dissolute Charles; when he alike + ridiculed that witty king and his solemn chancellor: when he plotted + the ruin of his country with a cabal of bad ministers, or, equally + unprincipled, supported its cause with bad patriots,--one laments + that such parts should have been devoid of every virtue: but when + Alcibiades turns chemist; when he is a real bubble and a visionary + miser; when ambition is but a frolic; when the worst designs are for + the foolishest ends,--contempt extinguishes all reflection on his + character."] + +Lord Arlington took up the project which the Duke of Buckingham had +abandoned, and endeavoured to gain possession of the mind of the +mistress, in order to govern the master. A man of greater merit and +higher birth than himself might, however, have been satisfied with the +fortune he had already acquired. His first negotiations were during +the treaty of the Pyrenees: and though he was unsuccessful in his +proceedings for his employer, yet he did not altogether lose his time; +for he perfectly acquired, in his exterior, the serious air and profound +gravity of the Spaniards, and imitated pretty well their tardiness in +business: he had a scar across his nose, which was covered by a long +patch, or rather by a small plaister, in form of a lozenge. + +Scars in the face commonly give a man a certain fierce and martial air, +which sets him off to advantage; but it was quite the contrary with him, +and this remarkable plaister so well suited his mysterious looks, that +it seemed an addition to his gravity and self-sufficiency. + +Arlington, under the mask of this compound countenance where great +earnestness passed for business, and impenetrable stupidity for secrecy, +had given himself the character of a great politician; and no one having +leisure to examine him, he was taken at his word, and had been made +minister and secretary of state, upon the credit of his own importance. + +His ambition soaring still above these high stations, after having +provided himself with a great number of fine maxims, and some historical +anecdotes, he obtained an audience of Miss Stewart, in order to display +them; at the same time offering her his most humble services, and best +advice, to assist her in conducting herself in the situation to which +it had pleased God and her virtue to raise her. But he was only in the +preface of his speech, when she recollected that he was at the head of +those whom the Duke of Buckingham used to mimic; and as his presence and +his language exactly revived the ridiculous ideas that had been given +her of him, she could not forbear bursting out into a fit of laughter in +his face, so much the more violent as she had for a long time struggled +to suppress it. + +The minister was enraged: his pride became his post, and his punctilious +behaviour merited all the ridicule which could be attached to it: he +quitted her abruptly, with all the fine advice he had prepared for her, +and was almost tempted to carry it to Lady Castlemaine, and to unite +himself with her interests; or immediately to quit the court party, and +declaim freely in parliament against the grievances of the state, and +particularly to propose an act to forbid the keeping of mistresses; but +his prudence conquered his resentments; and thinking only how to enjoy +with pleasure the blessings of fortune, he sent to Holland for a wife, +in order to complete his felicity. + +Hamilton was, of all the courtiers, the best qualified to succeed in +an enterprise, in which the Duke of Buckingham and Lord Arlington had +miscarried: he was thinking upon it; but his natural coquetry traversed +his intentions, and made him neglect the most advantageous prospects +in the world, in order unnecessarily to attend to the advances and +allurements thrown out to him by the Countess of Chesterfield. This was +one of the most agreeable women in the world: she had a most exquisite +shape, though she was not very tall; her complexion was extremely fair, +with all the expressive charms of a brunette; she had large blue eyes, +very tempting and alluring; her manners were engaging; her wit lively +and amusing; but her heart, ever open to tender sentiments, was neither +scrupulous in point of constancy, nor nice in point of sincerity. +She was daughter to the Duke of Ormond, and Hamilton, being her +cousin-german, they might be as much as they pleased in each other's +company without being particular; but as soon as her eyes gave him some +encouragement, he entertained no other thoughts than how to please +her, without considering her fickleness, or the obstacles he had to +encounter. + + [This lady was Isabella, daughter to Lewis de Nassau, Lord Beverwaert, + son to Maurice, Prince of Orange, and Count Nassau. By her, Lord + Arlington had an only daughter, named Isabella.] + +His intention, which we mentioned before, of establishing himself in the +confidence of Miss Stewart, no longer occupied his thoughts: she now +was of opinion that she was capable of being the mistress of her own +conduct: she had done all that was necessary to inflame the king's +passions, without exposing her virtue by granting the last favours; +but the eagerness of a passionate lover, blessed with favourable +opportunities, is difficult to withstand, and still more difficult to +vanquish; and Miss Stewart's virtue was almost exhausted, when the queen +was attacked with a violent fever, which soon reduced her to extreme +danger. + +Then it was that Miss Stewart was greatly pleased with herself for the +resistance she had made, though she had paid dearly for it: a thousand +flattering hopes of greatness and glory filled her heart, and the +additional respect that was universally paid her, contributed not a +little to increase them. The queen was given over by her physicians: the +few Portuguese women that had not been sent back to their own country +filled the court with doleful cries; and the good nature of the king +was much affected with the situation in which he saw a princess, whom, +though he did not love her, yet he greatly esteemed. She loved him +tenderly, and thinking that it was the last time she should ever speak +to him, she told him, that the concern he showed for her death, was +enough to make her quit life with regret; but that not possessing charms +sufficient to merit his tenderness, she had at least the consolation in +dying to give place to a consort who might be more worthy of it, and to +whom heaven, perhaps, might grant a blessing that had been refused to +her. At these words, she bathed his hands with some tears, which he +thought would be her last: he mingled his own with hers; and without +supposing she would take him at his word, he conjured her to live for +his sake. She had never yet disobeyed him; and, however dangerous sudden +impulses may be, when one is between life and death, this transport +of joy, which might have proved fatal to her, saved her life, and the +king's wonderful tenderness had an effect, for which every person did +not thank heaven in the same manner. + +Jermyn had now for some time been recovered of his wounds: however, Lady +Castlemaine, finding his health in as deplorable a condition as ever, +resolved to regain the king's heart, but in vain: for notwithstanding +the softness of her tears, and the violence of her passions, Miss +Stewart wholly possessed it. During this period the court was variously +entertained: sometimes there were promenades, and at others the court +beauties sallied out on horseback, and to make attacks with their charms +and graces, sometimes successfully, sometimes otherwise, but always to +the best of their abilities at other seasons there were such shows on +the river, as the city of London alone can afford. + +The Thames washes the sides of a large though not a magnificent palace +of the kings of Great Britain:--[This was Whitehall, which was burnt +down, except the banqueting-house, 4th January, 1698.]--from the stairs +of this palace the court used to take water, in the summer evenings, +when the heat and dust prevented their walking in the park: an infinite +number of open boats, filled with the court and city beauties, attended +the barges, in which were the Royal Family: collations, music, and +fireworks, completed the scene. The Chevalier de Grammont always made +one of the company, and it was very seldom that he did not add something +of his own invention, agreeably to surprise by some unexpected stroke of +magnificence and gallantry. Sometimes he had complete concerts of vocal +and instrumental music, which he privately brought from Paris, and which +struck up on a sudden in the midst of these parties; sometimes he gave +banquets, which likewise came from France, and which, even in the +midst of London, surpassed the king's collations. These entertainments +sometimes exceeded, as others fell short of his expectations, but they +always cost him an immense deal of money. + +Lord Falmouth was one of those who had the greatest friendship and +esteem for the Chevalier de Grammont: this profusion gave him concern, +and as he often used to go and sup with him without ceremony, one day +finding only Saint Evremond there, and a supper fit for half a +dozen guests, who had been invited in form: "You must not," said he, +addressing himself to the Chevalier de Grammont, "be obliged to me for +this visit. I come from the king's 'coucher', where all the discourse +was about you; and I can assure you that the manner in which the king +spoke of you, could not afford you so much pleasure as I myself felt +upon the occasion. You know very well, that he has long since offered +you his good offices with the King of France; and for my own part," +continued he, smiling, "you know very well that I would solicit him so +to do, if it was not through fear of losing you as soon as your peace is +made; but, thanks to Miss Hamilton, you are in no great haste: however, +I am ordered by the king, my master, to acquaint you, that while you +remain here, until you are restored to the favour of your sovereign, he +presents you with a pension of fifteen hundred Jacobus's: it is indeed a +trifle, considering the figure the Chevalier de Grammont makes among us; +but it will assist him," said he, embracing him, "to give us sometimes a +supper." + +The Chevalier de Grammont received, as he ought, the offer of a favour +he did not think proper to accept: "I acknowledge," said he, "the king's +bounty in this proposal, but I am still more sensible of Lord Falmouth's +generosity in it; and I request him to assure his Majesty of my perfect +gratitude: the king, my master, will not suffer me to want, when he +thinks fit to recall me; and while I continue here, I will let you +see that I have wherewithal to give my English friends now and then a +supper." + +At these words, he called for his strong box, and showed him seven or +eight thousand guineas in solid gold. Lord Falmouth, willing to improve +to the Chevalier's advantage the refusal of so advantageous an offer, +gave Monsieur de Comminge, then ambassador at the English court, an +account of it; nor did Monsieur de Comminge fail to represent properly +the merit of such a refusal to the French court. + +Hyde Park, every one knows, is the promenade of London! nothing was so +much in fashion, during the fine weather, as that promenade, which was +the rendezvous of magnificence and beauty: every one, therefore, who +had either sparkling eyes, or a splendid equipage, constantly repaired +thither; and the king seemed pleased with the place. + +Coaches with glasses were then a late invention. + + [Coaches were first introduced into England in the year 1564. + Taylor, the water poet, (Works, 1630, p. 240,) says,--"One William + Boonen, a Dutchman, brought first the use of coaches hither; and the + said Boonen was Queen Elizabeth's coachman; for, indeed, a coach was + a strange monster in those days, and the sight of them put both + horse and man into amazement." Dr. Percy observes, they were first + drawn by two horses, and that it was the favourite Buckingham, who, + about 1619, began to draw with six horses. About the same time, he + introduced the sedan. 'The Ultimum Vale of John Carleton', 4to, + 1663, p. 23, will, in a great measure, ascertain the time of the + introduction of glass coaches. He says, "I could wish her (i. e. + Mary Carleton's) coach (which she said my lord Taff bought for her + in England, and sent it over to her, made of the new fashion, wide + glasse, very stately; and her pages and lacquies were of the same + livery,) was come for me," &c.] + +The ladies were afraid of being shut up in them: they greatly preferred +the pleasure of showing almost their whole persons, to the conveniences +of modern coaches: that which was made for the king not being remarkable +for its elegance, the Chevalier de Grammont was of opinion that +something ingenious might be invented, which should partake of the +ancient fashion, and likewise prove preferable to the modern; he +therefore sent away Termes privately with all the necessary instructions +to Paris: the Duke of Guise was likewise charged with this commission; +and the courier, having by the favour of Providence escaped the +quicksand, in a month's time brought safely over to England the most +elegant and magnificent calash that had ever been seen, which the +Chevalier presented to the king. + +The Chevalier de Grammont had given orders that fifteen hundred louis +should be expended upon it; but the Duke of Guise, who was his friend, +to oblige him, laid out two thousand. All the court was in admiration +at the magnificence of the present; and the king, charmed with the +Chevalier's attention to everything which could afford him pleasure, +failed not to acknowledge it: he would not, however, accept a present of +so much value, but upon condition that the Chevalier should not refuse +another from him. + +The queen, imagining that so splendid a carriage might prove fortunate +for her, wished to appear in it first, with the Duchess of York. Lady +Castlemaine, who had seen them in it, thinking that it set off a fine +figure to greater advantage than any other, desired the king to lend her +this wonderful calash to appear in it the first fine day in Hyde Park: +Miss Stewart had the same wish, and requested to have it on the same +day. As it was impossible to reconcile these two goddesses, whose former +union was turned into mortal hatred, the king was very much perplexed. + +Lady Castlemaine was with child, and threatened to miscarry, if her +rival was preferred; Miss Stewart threatened, that she never would be +with child, if her request was not granted. This menace prevailed, and +Lady Castlemaine's rage was so great, that she had almost kept her +word; and it was believed that this triumph cost her rival some of her +innocence. + +The queen dowager, who, though she had no share in these broils, had no +objection to them, and as usual being diverted with this circumstance, +she took occasion to joke with the Chevalier de Grammont, for having +thrown this bone of contention among such competitors; and did not fail +to give him, in the presence of the whole court, those praises which so +magnificent a present deserved: "But how comes it," said she, "that you +have no equipage yourself, though you are at so great an expense? for I +am told that you do not keep even a single footman, and that one of the +common runners in the streets lights you home with a stinking link." +"Madam," said he, "the Chevalier de Grammont hates pomp: my linkboy, of +whom you speak, is faithful to my service; and besides, he is one of +the bravest fellows in the world. Your Majesty is unacquainted with +the nation of link-boys: it is a charming one, I can assure you: a man +cannot step out in the night without being surrounded by a dozen of +them. The first time I became acquainted with them, I retained all that +offered me their services; so that when I arrived at Whitehall, I had at +least two hundred about my chair: the sight was new; for those who had +seen me pass with this illumination, asked whose funeral it was. These +gentlemen, however, began fighting about some dozen shillings I had +thrown among them then; and he whom your Majesty mentions having beaten +three or four of his companions, I retained him for his valour. As for +the parade of coaches and footmen, I despise it: I have sometimes had +five or six valets-de-chambre at once, without having a single servant +in livery, except my chaplain Poussatin." "How!" said the queen, +bursting out laughing, "a chaplain in your livery! he surely was not a +priest?" "Pardon me, madam," said he, "and the first priest in the world +for dancing the Biscayan jig." "Chevalier," said the king, "pray tell us +the history of your chaplain Poussatin." + + + + +CHAPTER EIGHTH. FUNNY ADVENTURE OF THE CHAPLAIN POUSSATIN--THE STORY +OF THE SIEGE OF LERIDA--MARRIAGE OF THE DUKE OF YORK, AND OTHER DETAILS +ABOUT THE ENGLISH COURT + + +"Sir," said the Chevalier de Grammont, "the Prince de Conde besieged +Lerida: the place in itself was nothing; but Don Gregorio Brice who +defended it, was something. He was one of those Spaniards of the old +stamp, as valiant as the Cid, as proud as all the Guzmans put together, +and more gallant than all the Abencerrages of Granada: he suffered us +to make our first approaches to the place without the least molestation. +The Marshal de Grammont, whose maxim it was, that a governor who at +first makes a great blustering, and burns his suburbs in order to make +a noble defence, generally makes a very bad one, looked upon Gregorio de +Brice's politeness as no good omen for us; but the prince, covered +with glory, and elated with the campaigns of Rocroy, Norlinguen, +and Fribourg, to insult both the place and the governor, ordered the +trenches to be mounted at noon-day by his own regiment, at the head of +which marched four-and-twenty fiddlers, as if it had been to a wedding. + +"Night approaching, we were all in high spirits: our violins were +playing soft airs, and we were comfortably regaling ourselves: God knows +how we were joking about the poor governor and his fortifications, both +of which we promised ourselves to take in less than twenty-four hours. +This was going on in the trenches, when we heard an ominous cry from the +ramparts, repeated two or three times, of, 'Alerte on the walls!' +This cry was followed by a discharge of cannon and musketry, and +this discharge by a vigorous sally, which, after having filled up the +trenches, pursued us as far as our grand guard. + +"The next day Gregorio Brice sent by a trumpet a present of ice and +fruit to the Prince de Conde, humbly beseeching his highness to excuse +his not returning the serenade which he was pleased to favour him with, +as unfortunately he had no violins; but that if the music of last night +was not disagreeable to him, he would endeavour to continue it as long +as he did him the honour to remain before the place. The Spaniard was +as good as his word; and as soon as we heard, 'Alerte on the walls,' we +were sure of a sally, that cleared our trenches, destroyed our works, +and killed the best of our officers and soldiers. The prince was so +piqued at it, that, contrary to the opinion of the general officers, he +obstinately persisted in carrying on a siege which was like to ruin his +army, and which he was at last forced to quit in a hurry. + +"As our troops were retiring, Don Gregorio, far from giving himself +those airs which governors generally do on such occasions, made no other +sally, than sending a respectful compliment to the prince. Signor Brice +set out not long after for Madrid, to give an account of his conduct, +and to receive the recompense he had merited. Your majesty perhaps will +be desirous to know what reception poor Brice met with, after having +performed the most brilliant action the Spaniards could boast of in all +the war--he was confined by the inquisition." + +"How!" said the Queen Dowager, "confined by the inquisition for his +services!" "Not altogether for his services," said the Chevalier; "but +without any regard to his services, he was treated in the manner I have +mentioned for a little affair of gallantry, which I shall relate to the +King presently. + +"The campaign of Catalonia being thus ended, we were returning home, not +overloaded with laurels; but as the Prince de Conde had laid up a great +store on former occasions, and as he had still great projects in his +head, he soon forgot this trifling misfortune: we did nothing but joke +with one another during the march, and the prince was the first to +ridicule the siege. We made some of those rhymes on Lerida, which were +sung all over France, in order to prevent others more severe; however, +we gained nothing by it, for notwithstanding we treated ourselves freely +in our own ballads, others were composed in Paris in which we were ten +times more severely handled. At last we arrived at Perpignan upon a +holy-day: a company of Catalans, who were dancing in the middle of the +street, out of respect to the prince came to dance under his windows: +Monsieur Poussatin, in a little black jacket, danced in the middle of +this company, as if he was really mad. I immediately recognized him +for my countryman, from his manner of skipping and frisking about: the +prince was charmed with his humour and activity. After the dance, I sent +for him, and inquired who he was: 'A poor priest, at your service, my +lord,' said he: 'my name is Poussatin, and Bearn is my native country: I +was going into Catalonia to serve in the infantry, for, God be praised, +I can march very well on foot; but since the war is happily concluded, +if your lordship pleases to take me into your service, I would follow +you everywhere, and serve you faithfully.' 'Monsieur Poussatin,' said I, +'my lordship has no great occasion for a chaplain; but since you are so +well disposed towards me, I will take you into my service.' + +"The Prince de Conde, who was present at this conversation, was +overjoyed at my having a chaplain. As poor Poussatin was in a very +tattered condition, I had no time to provide him with a proper habit +at Perpignan; but giving him a spare livery of one of the Marshal de +Grammont's servants, I made him get up behind the prince's coach, who +was like to die with laughing every time he looked at poor Poussatin's +uncanonical mien in a yellow livery. + +"As soon as we arrived in Paris, the story was told to the Queen, who at +first expressed some surprise at it: this, however, did not prevent her +from wishing to see my chaplain dance; for in Spain it is not altogether +so strange to see ecclesiastics dance, as to see them in livery. + +"Poussatin performed wonders before the Queen; but as he danced with +great sprightliness, she could not bear the odour which his violent +motions diffused around her room the ladies likewise began to pray for +relief; for he had almost entirely got the better of all the perfumes +and essences with which they were fortified: Poussatin, nevertheless, +retired with a great deal of applause, and some louis d'or. + +"Some time afterwards I procured a small benefice in the country for my +chaplain, and I have since been informed that Poussatin preached +with the same ease in his village as he danced at the wedding of his +parishioners." + +The King was exceedingly diverted at Poussatin's history; and the Queen +was not much hurt at his having been put in livery: the treatment of +Gregorio Brice offended her far more; and being desirous to justify the +court of Spain, with respect to so cruel a proceeding: "Chevalier de +Grammont," said she, "what heresy did Governor Brice wish to introduce +into the state? What crime against religion was he charged with, that he +was confined in the inquisition?" "Madam," said he, "the history is not +very proper to be related before your majesty: it was a little amorous +frolic, ill-timed indeed; but poor Brice meant no harm: a school-boy +would not have been whipped for such a fault, in the most severe college +in France; as it was only for giving some proofs of his affection to +a young Spanish fair one, who had fixed her eyes upon him on a solemn +occasion." + +The King desired to know the particulars of the adventure; and the +Chevalier gratified his curiosity, as soon as the Queen and the rest of +the court were out of hearing. It was very entertaining to hear him +tell a story; but it was very disagreeable to differ with him, either in +competition, or in raillery: it is true that at that time there were few +persons at the English court who had merited his indignation: Russell +was sometimes the subject of his ridicule, but he treated him far more +tenderly than he usually did a rival. + +This Russell was one of the most furious dancers in all England, I +mean, for country dances: he had a collection of two or three hundred in +print, all of which he danced at sight; and to prove that he was not an +old man, he sometimes danced until he was almost exhausted: his mode +of dancing was like that of his clothes, for they both had been out of +fashion full twenty years. + +The Chevalier de Grammont was very sensible that he was very much +in love; but though he saw very well that it only rendered him more +ridiculous, yet he felt some concern at the information he received, of +his intention of demanding Miss Hamilton in marriage; but his concern +did not last long. Russell, being upon the point of setting out on +a journey, thought it was proper to acquaint his mistress with his +intentions before his departure. The Chevalier de Grammont was a great +obstacle to the interview, he was desirous of obtaining of her; but +being one day sent for, to go and play at Lady Castlemaine's, Russell +seized the opportunity, and addressing himself to Miss Hamilton, +with less embarrassment than is usual on such occasions, he made his +declaration to her in the following manner: "I am brother to the Earl of +Bedford: I command the regiment of guards: I have three thousand pounds +a year, and fifteen thousand in ready money: all which, madam, I come to +present to you, along with my person. One present, I agree, is not worth +much without the other, and therefore I put them together. I am advised +to go to some of the watering places for something of an asthma, which, +in all probability, cannot continue much longer, as I have had it for +these last twenty years: if you look upon me as worthy of the happiness +of belonging to you, I shall propose it to your father, to whom I +did not think it right to apply before I was acquainted with your +sentiments: my nephew William is at present entirely ignorant of my +intention; but I believe he will not be sorry for it, though he will +thereby see himself deprived of a pretty considerable estate; for he +has great affection for me, and besides, he has a pleasure in paying +his respects to you since he has perceived my attachment. I am very much +pleased that he should make his court to me, by the attention he pays +to you; for he did nothing but squander his money upon that coquet +Middleton, while at present he is at no expense, though he frequents the +best company in England." + +Miss Hamilton had much difficulty to suppress her laughter during this +harangue: however, she told him that she thought herself much honoured +by his intentions towards her, and still more obliged to him for +consulting her, before he made any overtures to her relations: "It will +be time enough," said she, "to speak to them upon the subject at your +return from the waters; for I do not think it is at all probable that +they will dispose of me before that time, and in case they should be +urgent in their solicitations, your nephew William will take care to +acquaint you; therefore, you may set out whenever you think proper; but +take care not to injure your health by returning too soon." + +The Chevalier de Grammont, having heard the particulars of this +conversation, endeavoured, as well as he could, to be entertained +with it; though there were certain circumstances in the declaration, +notwithstanding the absurdity of others, which did not fail to give +him some uneasiness. Upon the whole, he was not sorry for Russell's +departure; and, assuming an air of pleasantry, he went to relate to the +king how Heaven had favoured him by delivering him from so dangerous a +rival. "He is gone then, Chevalier," said the king. "Certainly, sir," +said he; "I had the honour to see him embark in a coach, with his +asthma, and country equipage, his perruque a calotte, neatly tied with +a yellow riband, and his old-fashioned hat covered with oil skin, which +becomes him uncommonly well: therefore, I have only to contend with +William Russell, whom he leaves as his resident with Miss Hamilton; and +as for him, I neither fear him upon his own account, nor his uncle's; +he is too much in love himself to pay attention to the interests of +another; and as he has but one method of promoting his own, which is by +sacrificing the portrait, or some love-letters of Mrs. Middleton, I have +it easily in my power to counteract him in such kind of favours, though +I confess I have pretty well paid for them." + +"Since your affairs proceed so prosperously with the Russells," said the +king, "I will acquaint you that you are delivered from another rival, +much more dangerous, if he were not already married: my brother has +lately fallen in love with Lady Chesterfield." "How many blessings at +once!" exclaimed the Chevalier de Grammont: "I have so many obligations +to him for this inconstancy, that I would willingly serve him in his new +amour, if Hamilton was not his rival: nor will your majesty take it ill, +if I promote the interests of my mistress's brother, rather than those +of your majesty's brother." "Hamilton, however," said the king, "does +not stand so much in need of assistance, in affairs of this nature, as +the Duke of York; but I know Lord Chesterfield is of such a disposition, +that he will not suffer men to quarrel about his wife, with the same +patience as the complaisant Shrewsbury; though he well deserves the same +fate." Here follows a true description of Lord Chesterfield. + + [Philip, the second Earl of Chesterfield. He was constituted, in + 1662, lord-chamberlain to the queen, and colonel of a regiment of + foot, June 13, 1667. On November 29, 1679, he was appointed lord- + warden and chief-justice of the king's forests on this side Trent, + and sworn of the privy-council, January 26, 1680. On November 6, + 1682, he was made colonel of the third regiment of foot, which, with + the rest of his preferments, he resigned on the accession of James + IT. He lived to the age of upwards of 80, and died, January 28, + 1713, at his house, in Bloomsbury-square.] + +He had a very agreeable face, a fine head of hair, an indifferent shape, +and a worse air; he was not, however, deficient in wit: a long residence +in Italy had made him ceremonious in his commerce with men, and jealous +in his connection with women: he had been much hated by the king; +because he had been much beloved by Lady Castlemaine: it was reported +that he had been in her good graces prior to her marriage; and as +neither of them denied it, it was the more generally believed. + +He had paid his devoirs to the eldest daughter of the Duke of Ormond, +while his heart was still taken up with his former passion: the king's +love for Lady Castlemaine, and the advancement he expected from such an +alliance, made him press the match with as much ardour as if he had been +passionately in love: he had therefore married Lady Chesterfield without +loving her, and had lived some time with her in such coolness as to +leave her no room to doubt of his indifference. As she was endowed with +great sensibility and delicacy, she suffered at this contempt: she was +at first much affected with his behaviour, and afterwards enraged at +it; and, when he began to give her proofs of his affection, she had the +pleasure of convincing him of her indifference. + +They were upon this footing, when she resolved to cure Hamilton, as she +had lately done her husband, of all his remaining tenderness for Lady +Castlemaine. For her it was no difficult undertaking: the conversation +of the one was disagreeable, from the unpolished state of her manners, +her ill-timed pride, her uneven temper, and extravagant humours Lady +Chesterfield, on the contrary, knew how to heighten her charms with all +the bewitching attractions in the power of a woman to invent who wishes +to make a conquest. + +Besides all this, she had greater opportunities of making advances to +him than to any other: she lived at the Duke of Ormond's, at Whitehall, +where Hamilton, as was said before, had free admittance at all hours: +her extreme coldness, or rather the disgust which she showed for her +husband's returning affection, wakened his natural inclination to +jealousy: he suspected that she could not so very suddenly pass from +anxiety to indifference for him, without some secret object of a new +attachment; and, according to the maxim of all jealous husbands, he +immediately put in practice all his experience and industry, in order to +make a discovery, which was to destroy his own happiness. + +Hamilton, who knew his disposition, was, on the other hand, upon his +guard, and the more he advanced in his intrigue, the more attentive +was he to remove every degree of suspicion from the Earl's mind: he +pretended to make him his confidant, in the most unguarded and open +manner, of his passion for Lady Castlemaine: he complained of her +caprice, and most earnestly desired his advice how to succeed with a +person whose affections he alone had entirely possessed. + +Chesterfield, who was flattered with this discourse, promised him his +protection with greater sincerity than it had been demanded: +Hamilton, therefore, was no further embarrassed than to preserve Lady +Chesterfield's reputation, who, in his opinion, declared herself rather +too openly in his favour: but whilst he was diligently employed in +regulating, within the rules of discretion, the partiality she expressed +for him, and in conjuring her to restrain her glances within bounds, she +was receiving those of the Duke of York; and, what is more, made them +favourable returns. + +He thought that he had perceived it, as well as every one besides; but +he thought likewise, that all the world was deceived as well as himself: +how could he trust his own eyes, as to what those of Lady Chesterfield +betrayed for this new rival? He could not think it probable, that +a woman of her disposition could relish a man, whose manners had a +thousand times been the subject of their private ridicule; but what he +judged still more improbable was, that she should begin another intrigue +before she had given the finishing stroke to that in which her own +advances had engaged her: however, he began to observe her with more +circumspection, when he found by his discoveries, that if she did not +deceive him, at least the desire of doing so was not wanting. This he +took the liberty of telling her of; but she answered him in so high +a strain, and treated what he said so much like a phantom of his own +imagination, that he appeared confused without being convinced: all +the satisfaction he could procure from her, was her telling him, in a +haughty manner, that such unjust reproaches as his ought to have had a +better foundation. + +Lord Chesterfield had taken the same alarm; and being convinced, from +the observations he had made, that he had found out the happy lover who +had gained possession of his lady's heart, he was satisfied; and +without teasing her with unnecessary reproaches, he only waited for an +opportunity to confound her, before he took his measures. + +After all, how can we account for Lady Chesterfield's conduct, unless +we attribute it to the disease incident to most coquettes, who, charmed +with superiority, put in practice every art to rob another of her +conquest, and spare nothing to preserve it. + +But before we enter into the particulars of this adventure, let us +take a retrospect of the amours of his Royal Highness, prior to the +declaration of his marriage, and particularly of what immediately +preceded this declaration. It is allowable sometimes to drop the thread +of a narrative, when real facts, not generally known, give such a +variety upon the digression as to render it excusable: let us see then +how those things happened. + +The Duke of York's marriage, with the chancellor's daughter, was +deficient in none of those circumstances which render contracts of this +nature valid in the eye of heaven the mutual inclination, the formal +ceremony, witnesses, and every essential point of matrimony, had been +observed. + + [The material facts in this narrative are confirmed by Lord + Clarendon.--'Continuation of his Life', p. 33. It is difficult to + speak of the persons concerned in this infamous transaction without + some degree of asperity, notwithstanding they are, by a strange + perversion of language, styled, all men of honour.] + +Though the bride was no perfect beauty, yet, as there were none at +the court of Holland who eclipsed her, the Duke, during the first +endearments of matrimony, was so far from repenting of it, that he +seemed only to wish for the King's restoration that he might have an +opportunity of declaring it with splendour; but when he saw himself +enjoying a rank which placed him so near the throne; when the possession +of Miss Hyde afforded him no new charms; when England, so abounding in +beauties, displayed all that was charming and lovely in the court of the +King his brother; and when he considered he was the only prince, who, +from such superior elevation, had descended so low, he began to reflect +upon it. On the one hand, his marriage appeared to him particularly ill +suited in every respect: he recollected that Jermyn had not engaged him +in an intimacy with Miss Hyde, until he had convinced him, by several +different circumstances, of the facility of succeeding: he looked upon +his marriage as an infringement of that duty and obedience he owed +to the King; the indignation with which the court, and even the whole +kingdom, would receive the account of his marriage presented itself to +his imagination, together with the impossibility of obtaining the King's +consent to such an act, which for a thousand reasons he would be obliged +to refuse. On the other hand, the tears and despair of poor Miss Hyde +presented themselves; and still more than that, he felt a remorse +of conscience, the scruples of which began from that time to rise up +against him. + +In the midst of this perplexity he opened his heart to Lord Falmouth, +and consulted with him what method he ought to pursue: He could not have +applied to a better man for his own interests, nor to a worse for Miss +Hyde's; for at first, Falmouth maintained not only that he was not +married, but that it was even impossible that he could ever have formed +such a thought; that any marriage was invalid for him, which was made +without the King's consent, even if the party was a suitable match: +but that it was a mere jest, even to think of the daughter of an +insignificant lawyer, whom the favour of his sovereign had lately made a +peer of the realm, without any noble blood, and chancellor, without +any capacity; that as for his scruples, he had only to give ear to some +gentlemen whom he could introduce, who would thoroughly inform him of +Miss Hyde's conduct before he became acquainted with her; and provided +he did not tell them that he really was married, he would soon have +sufficient grounds to come to a determination. + +The Duke of York consented, and Lord Falmouth, having assembled both +his council and his witnesses, conducted them to his Royal Highness's +cabinet, after having instructed them how to act: these gentlemen were +the Earl of Arran, Jermyn, Talbot, and Killegrew, all men of honour; +but who infinitely preferred the Duke of York's interest to Miss Hyde's +reputation, and who, besides, were greatly dissatisfied, as well as the +whole court, at the insolent authority of the prime minister. + +The Duke having told them, after a sort of preamble, that although they +could not be ignorant of his affection for Miss Hyde, yet they might be +unacquainted with the engagements his tenderness for her had induced him +to contract; that he thought himself obliged to perform all the +promises he had made her; but as the innocence of persons of her age +was generally exposed to court scandal, and as certain reports, whether +false or true, had been spread abroad on the subject of her conduct, he +conjured them as his friends, and charged them upon their duty, to +tell him sincerely everything they knew upon the subject, since he was +resolved to make their evidence the rule of his conduct towards her. +They all appeared rather reserved at first, and seemed not to dare to +give their opinions upon an affair of so serious and delicate a nature; +but the Duke of York having renewed his entreaties, each began to relate +the particulars of what he knew, and perhaps of more than he knew, +of poor Miss Hyde; nor did they omit any circumstance necessary to +strengthen the evidence. For instance the Earl of Arran, who spoke +first, deposed, that in the gallery at Honslaerdyk, where the Countess +of Ossory, his sister-in-law, and Jermyn, were playing at nine-pins, +Miss Hyde, pretending to be sick, retired to a chamber at the end of +the gallery; that he, the deponent, had followed her, and having cut her +lace, to give a greater probability to the pretence of the vapours, he +had acquitted himself to the best of his abilities, both to assist and +to console her. + +Talbot said, that she had made an appointment with him in the +chancellor's cabinet, while he was in council; and, that, not paying so +much attention to what was upon the table as to what they were engaged +in, they had spilled a bottle full of ink upon a despatch of four pages, +and that the King's monkey, which was blamed for this accident, had been +a long time in disgrace. + +Jermyn mentioned many places where he had received long and favourable +audiences: however, all these articles of accusation amounted only +to some delicate familiarities, or at most, to what is generally +denominated the innocent part of an intrigue; but Killegrew, who wished +to surpass these trivial depositions, boldly declared that he had had +the honour of being upon the most intimate terms with her he was of a +sprightly and witty humour, and had the art of telling a story in the +most entertaining manner, by the graceful and natural turn he could +give it: he affirmed that he had found the critical minute in a certain +closet built over the water, for a purpose very different from that +of giving ease to the pains of love: that three or four swans had been +witnesses to his happiness, and might perhaps have been witnesses to the +happiness of many others, as the lady frequently repaired to that place, +and was particularly delighted with it. + +The Duke of York found this last accusation greatly out of bounds, being +convinced he himself had sufficient proofs of the contrary: he therefore +returned thanks to these officious informers for their frankness, +ordered them to be silent for the future upon what they had been telling +him, and immediately passed into the King's apartment. + +As soon as he had entered the cabinet, Lord Falmouth, who had followed +him, related what had passed to the Earl of Ossory, whom he met in the +presence chamber: they strongly suspected what was the subject of the +conversation of the two brothers, as it was long; and the Duke of York +appeared to be in such agitation when he came out, that they no longer +doubted that the result had been unfavourable for poor Miss Hyde. Lord +Falmouth began to be affected for her disgrace, and to relent that he +had been concerned in it, when the Duke of York told him and the Earl of +Ossory to meet him in about an hour's time at the chancellor's. + +They were rather surprised that he should have the cruelty himself to +announce such a melancholy piece of news: they found his Royal Highness +at the appointed hour in Miss Hyde's chamber: a few tears trickled down +her cheeks, which she endeavoured to restrain. The chancellor, leaning +against the wall, appeared to them to be puffed up with some thing, +which they did not doubt was--rage and despair. The Duke of York said to +them, with that serene and pleasant countenance with which men generally +announce good news: "As you are the two men of the court whom I most +esteem, I am desirous you should first have the honour of paying your +compliments to the Duchess of York: there she is." + +Surprise was of no use, and astonishment was unseasonable on the present +occasion: they were, however, so greatly possessed with both surprise +and astonishment, that in order to conceal it, they immediately fell +on their knees to kiss her hand, which she gave to them with as much +majesty as if she had been used to it all her life. + +The next day the news was made public, and the whole court was eager to +pay her that respect, from a sense of duty, which in the end became very +sincere. + +The petits-maitres who had spoken against her, seeing their intentions +disappointed, were not a little embarrassed. Women are seldom accustomed +to forgive injuries of this nature; and, if they promise themselves the +pleasure of revenge, when they gain the power they seldom forget it: in +the present case, however, the fears of these petits-maitres were their +only punishment. + +The Duchess of York, being fully informed of all that was said in the +cabinet concerning her, instead of showing the least resentment, studied +to distinguish, by all manner of kindness and good offices, those who +had attacked her in so sensible a part; nor did she ever mention it to +them, but in order to praise their zeal, and to tell them that nothing +was a greater proof of the attachment of a man of honour, than his being +more solicitous for the interest of his friend or master, than for his +own reputation: a remarkable example of prudence and moderation, not +only for the fair sex, but even for those who value themselves most upon +their philosophy among the men. + +The Duke of York, having quieted his conscience by the declaration of +his marriage, thought that he was entitled, by this generous effort, to +give way a little to his inconstancy: he therefore immediately seized +upon whatever he could first lay his hands upon: this was Lady Carnegy, +who had been in several other hands. She was still tolerably handsome, +and her disposition, naturally inclined to tenderness, did not oblige +her new lover long to languish. Everything coincided with their wishes +for some time: Lord Carnegy, her husband, was in Scotland; but his +father dying suddenly, he as suddenly returned with the title of +Southesk, which his wife detested; but which she took more patiently +than she received the news of his return. Some private intimation +had been given him of the honour that was done him in his absence: +nevertheless, he did not show his jealousy at first; but, as he was +desirous to be satisfied of the reality of the fact, he kept a strict +watch over his wife's actions. The Duke of York and her ladyship had, +for some time, been upon such terms of intimacy, as not to pass their +time in frivolous amusements; however, the husband's return obliged them +to maintain some decorum: he therefore never went to her house, but in +form, that is to say, always accompanied by some friend or other, to +give his amours at least the appearance of a visit. + +About this time Talbot returned from Portugal: this connection had taken +place during his absence; and without knowing who Lady Southesk was, he +had been informed that his master was in love with her. + +A few days after his arrival, he was carried, merely to keep up +appearances, to her house by the duke; and after being introduced, and +some compliments having been paid on both sides, he thought it his duty +to give his Royal Highness an opportunity to pay his compliments, and +accordingly retired into the ante-chamber, which looked into the street, +and placed himself at the window to view the people as they passed. + +He was one of the best meaning men in the world on such occasions; +but was so subject to forgetfulness, and absence of mind, that he once +forgot, and left behind him at London, a complimentary letter which the +duke had given him for the Infanta of Portugal, and never recollected it +till he was going to his audience. + +He stood sentry, as we have before said, very attentive to his +instructions, when he saw a coach stop at the door, without being in the +least concerned at it, and still less, at a man whom he saw get out of +it, and whom he immediately heard coming upstairs. + +The devil, who ought to be civil upon such occasions, forgot himself in +the present instance, and brought up Lord Southesk 'in propria persona': +his Royal Highness's equipage had been sent home, because my lady had +assured him that her husband was gone to see a bear and a bull baiting, +an entertainment in which he took great delight, and from whence he +seldom returned until it was very late; so that Southesk, not seeing any +equipage at the door, little imagined that he had such good company in +his house; but if he was surprised to see Talbot carelessly lolling in +his wife's ante-chamber, his surprise was soon over. Talbot, who had not +seen him since they were in Flanders, and never supposing that he had +changed his name: "Welcome, Carnegy, welcome, my good fellow," said he, +giving him his hand, "where the devil have you been, that I have never +been able to set eyes on you since we were at Brussels? What business +brought you here? Do you likewise wish to see Lady Southesk? If this is +your intention, my poor friend, you may go away again; for I must +inform you, the Duke of York is in love with her, and I will tell you in +confidence, that, at this very time, he is in her chamber." + +Southesk, confounded as one may suppose, had no time to answer all +these fine questions: Talbot, therefore, attended him downstairs as his +friend; and, as his humble servant, advised him to seek for a mistress +elsewhere. Southesk, not knowing what else to do at that time, returned +to his coach; and Talbot, overjoyed at the adventure, impatiently waited +for the duke's return, that he might acquaint him with it; but he was +very much surprised to find that the story afforded no pleasure to those +who had the principal share in it; and his greatest concern was, +that Carnegy had changed his name, as if only to draw him into such a +confidence. + +This accident broke off a commerce which the Duke of York did not much +regret; and indeed it was happy for him that he became indifferent; for +the traitor Southesk meditated a revenge, whereby, without using either +assassination or poison, he would have obtained some satisfaction upon +those who had injured him, if the connection had continued any longer. + +He went to the most infamous places, to seek for the most infamous +disease, which he met with; but his revenge was only half completed; for +after he had gone through every remedy to get quit of his disease, his +lady did but return him his present, having no more connection with the +person for whom it was so industriously prepared. + + [Bishop Burnet, taking notice of the Duke of York's amours, says, + "a story was set about, and generally believed, that the Earl of + Southesk, that had married a daughter of the Duke of Hamilton's, + suspecting some familiarities between the duke and his wife, had + taken a sure method to procure a disease to himself, which he + communicated to his wife, and was, by that means, sent round till it + came to the duchess. Lord Southesk was, for some years, not ill + pleased to have this believed. It looked like a peculiar strain of + revenge, with which he seemed much delighted. But I know he has, to + some of his friends, denied the whole of the story very solemnly." + --history of His Own Times, vol. i., p. 319. It is worthy of notice + that the passage in the text was omitted in most editions of + Grammont, and retained in that of Strawberry-hill, in 1772.] + +Lady Robarts was then in the zenith of her glory; her beauty was +striking; yet, notwithstanding the brightness of the finest complexion, +with all the bloom of youth, and with every requisite for inspiring +desire, she nevertheless was not attractive. The Duke of York, +however, would probably have been successful, if difficulties, almost +insurmountable, had not disappointed his good intentions: Lord Robarts, +her husband, was an old, snarling, troublesome, peevish fellow, in +love with her to distraction, and to complete her misery, a perpetual +attendant on her person. + +She perceived his Royal Highness's attachment to her, and seemed as if +she was inclined to be grateful: this redoubled his eagerness, and every +outward mark of tenderness he could possibly show her; but the watchful +husband redoubling his zeal and assiduity, as he found the approaches +advance, every art was practised to render him tractable: several +attacks were made upon his avarice and his ambition. Those who possessed +the greatest share of his confidence, insinuated to him that it was his +own fault if Lady Robarts, who was so worthy of being at court, was +not received into some considerable post, either about the queen or the +duchess: he was offered to be made Lord Lieutenant of the county where +his estate was; or to have the management of the Duke of York's revenues +in Ireland, of which he should have the entire disposal, provided +he immediately set out to take possession of his charge; and having +accomplished it, he might return as soon as ever he thought proper. + +He perfectly well understood the meaning of these proposals, and was +fully apprised of the advantages he might reap from them: in vain did +ambition and avarice hold out their allurements; he was deaf to all +their temptations, nor could ever the old fellow be persuaded to be +made a cuckold. It is not always an aversion to, or a dread of this +distinction, which preserves us from it: of this her husband was +very sensible; therefore, under the pretence of a pilgrimage to +Saint Winifred, the virgin and martyr, who was said to cure women of +barrenness, he did not rest, until the highest mountains in Wales were +between his wife and the person who had designed to perform this miracle +in London, after his departure. + +The duke was for some time entirely taken up with the pleasures of the +chase, and only now and then engaged in those of love; but his taste +having undergone a change in this particular, and the remembrance of +Lady Robarts wearing off by degrees, his eyes and wishes were turned +towards Miss Brook; and it was in the height of this pursuit that Lady +Chesterfield threw herself into his arms, as we shall see by resuming +the sequel of her adventures. + +The Earl of Bristol, ever restless and ambitious, had put in practice +every art, to possess himself of the king's favour. As this is the same +Digby whom Count Bussy mentions in his annals, it will be sufficient to +say that he was not at all changed: he knew that love and pleasure had +possession of a master, whom he himself governed, in defiance of the +chancellor; thus he was continually giving entertainments at his house; +and luxury and elegance seemed to rival each other in those nocturnal +feasts, which always lead to other enjoyments. The two Miss Brooks, his +relations, were always of those parties; they were both formed by nature +to excite love in others, as well as to be susceptible of it themselves; +they were just what the king wanted: the earl, from this commencement, +was beginning to entertain a good opinion of his project, when Lady +Castlemaine, who had lately gained entire possession of the king's +heart, was not in a humour, at that time, to share it with another, as +she did very indiscreetly afterwards, despising Miss Stewart. As soon, +therefore, as she received intimation of these secret practices, under +pretence of attending the king in his parties, she entirely disconcerted +them; so that the earl was obliged to lay aside his projects, and Miss +Brook to discontinue her advances. The king did not even dare to think +any more on this subject; but his brother was pleased to look after what +he neglected; and Miss Brook accepted the offer of his heart, until it +pleased heaven to dispose of her otherwise, which happened soon after in +the following manner. + +Sir John Denham, loaded with wealth as well as years, had passed his +youth in the midst of those pleasures which people at that age indulge +in without restraint; he was one of the brightest geniuses England +ever produced, for wit and humour, and for brilliancy of composition: +satirical and free in his poems, he spared neither frigid writers, nor +jealous husbands, nor even their wives: every part abounded with the +most poignant wit, and the most entertaining stories; but his most +delicate and spirited raillery turned generally against matrimony; and, +as if he wished to confirm, by his own example, the truth of what he had +written in his youth, he married, at the age of seventy-nine, this Miss +Brook of whom we are speaking, who was only eighteen. + +The Duke of York had rather neglected her for some time before; but the +circumstance of so unequal a match rekindled his ardour; and she, on her +part, suffered him to entertain hopes of an approaching bliss, which a +thousand considerations had opposed before her marriage: she wished +to belong to the court; and for the promise of being made lady of the +bedchamber to the duchess, she was upon the point of making him another +promise, or of immediately performing it, if required, when, in the +middle of this treaty, Lady Chesterfield was tempted, by her evil +genius, to rob her of her conquest, in order to disturb all the world. + +However, as Lady Chesterfield could not see the Duke of York, except +in public assemblies, she was under the necessity of making the most +extravagant advances, in order to seduce him from his former connection; +and as he was the most unguarded ogler of his time, the whole court was +informed of the intrigue before it was well begun. + +Those who appeared the most attentive to their conduct were not the +least interested in it. Hamilton and Lord Chesterfield watched them +narrowly; but Lady Denham, vexed that Lady Chesterfield should have +stepped in before her, took the liberty of railing against her rival +with the greatest bitterness. Hamilton had hitherto flattered himself +that vanity alone had engaged Lady Chesterfield in this adventure; but +he was soon undeceived, whatever her indifference might have been when +she first commenced this intrigue. We often proceed farther than we at +first intended, when we indulge ourselves in trifling liberties which we +think of no consequence; for though perhaps the heart takes no part at +the beginning, it seldom fails to be engaged in the end. + +The court, as we have mentioned before, was an entire scene of gallantry +and amusements, with all the politeness and magnificence which the +inclinations of a prince naturally addicted to tenderness and pleasure, +could suggest: the beauties were desirous of charming, and the men +endeavoured to please: all studied to set themselves off to the best +advantage: some distinguished themselves by dancing; others by show and +magnificence; some by their wit, many by their amours, but few by their +constancy. There was a certain Italian at court, famous for the guitar: +he had a genius for music, and he was the only man who could make +anything of the guitar: his style of play was so full of grace and +tenderness, that he would have given harmony to the most discordant +instruments. The truth is, nothing was so difficult as to play like +this foreigner. The king's relish for his compositions had brought the +instrument so much into vogue, that every person played upon it, well or +ill; and you were as sure to see a guitar on a lady's toilet as rouge or +patches. The Duke of York played upon it tolerably well, and the Earl +of Arran like Francisco himself. This Francisco had composed a saraband, +which either charmed or infatuated every person; for the whole guitarery +at court were trying at it; and God knows what an universal strumming +there was. The Duke of York, pretending not to be perfect in it, desired +Lord Arran to play it to him. Lady Chesterfield had the best guitar +in England. The Earl of Arran, who was desirous of playing his best, +conducted his Royal Highness to his sister's apartments: she was lodged +at court, at her father's, the Duke of Ormond's; and this wonderful +guitar was lodged there too. Whether this visit had been preconcerted or +not, I do not pretend to say; but it is certain that they found both +the lady and the guitar at home: they likewise found there Lord +Chesterfield, so much surprised at this unexpected visit, that it was a +considerable time before he thought of rising from his seat to receive +them with due respect. + +Jealousy, like a malignant vapour, now seized upon his brain: a thousand +suspicions, blacker than ink, took possession of his imagination, and +were continually increasing; for, whilst the brother played upon the +guitar to the duke, the sister ogled and accompanied him with her eyes, +as if the coast had been clear, and no enemy to observe them. This +saraband was at least repeated twenty times: the duke declared it +was played to perfection: Lady Chesterfield found fault with the +composition; but her husband, who clearly perceived that he was the +person played upon, thought it a most detestable piece. However, though +he was in the last agony at being obliged to curb his passion while +others gave a free scope to theirs, he was resolved to find out the +drift of the visit; but it was not in his power: for, having the +honour to be chamberlain to the queen, a messenger came to require his +immediate attendance on her majesty. His first thought was to pretend +sickness: the second to suspect that the queen, who sent for him at +such an unseasonable time, was in the plot; but at last, after all the +extravagant ideas of a suspicious man, and all the irresolutions of a +jealous husband, he was obliged to go. + +We may easily imagine what his state of mind was when he arrived at the +palace. Alarms are to the jealous what disasters are to the unfortunate: +they seldom come alone, but form a series of persecution. He was +informed that he was sent for to attend the queen at an audience she +gave to seven or eight Muscovite ambassadors: he had scarce begun to +curse the Muscovites, when his brother-in-law appeared, and drew upon +himself all the imprecations he bestowed upon the embassy: he no longer +doubted his being in the plot with the two persons he had left together, +and in his heart sincerely wished him such recompense for his good +offices as such good offices deserved. It was with great difficulty +that he restrained himself from immediately acquainting him what was his +opinion of such conduct: he thought that what he had already seen was +a sufficient proof of his wife's infidelity; but before the end of +the very same day, some circumstances occurred which increased his +suspicions, and persuaded him that they had taken advantage of his +absence, and of the honourable officiousness of his brother-in-law. He +passed, however, that night with tranquillity; but the next morning, +being reduced to the necessity either of bursting or giving vent to his +sorrows and conjectures, he did nothing but think and walk about the +room until Park-time. He went to court, seemed very busy, as if seeking +for some person or other, imagining that people guessed at the subject +of his uneasiness: he avoided everybody, but at length meeting with +Hamilton, he thought he was the very man that he wanted; and, having +desired him to take an airing with him in Hyde Park, he took him up in +his coach, and they arrived at the Ring, without a word having passed +between them. + +Hamilton, who saw him as yellow as jealousy itself, and particularly +thoughtful, imagined that he had just discovered what all the world had +perceived long before; when Chesterfield, after a broken, insignificant +preamble, asked him how he succeeded with Lady Castlemaine. Hamilton, +who very well saw that he meant nothing by this question, nevertheless +thanked him; and as he was thinking of an answer: "Your cousin," said +the earl, "is extremely coquettish, and I have some reason to suppose +she is not so prudent as she ought to be." Hamilton thought the last +charge a little too severe; and as he was endeavouring to refute it: +"Good God!" said my lord, "you see, as well as the whole court, what +airs she gives herself: husbands are always the last people that are +spoken to about those affairs that concern them the most; but they are +not always the last to perceive it themselves: though you have made me +your confidant in other matters, yet I am not at all surprised you have +concealed this from me; but as I flatter myself with having some share +in your esteem, I should be sorry you should think me such a fool as to +be incapable of seeing, though I am so complaisant as not to express my +sentiments: nevertheless, I find that affairs are now carried on with +such barefaced boldness, that at length I find I shall be forced to take +some course or other. God forbid that I should act the ridiculous part +of a jealous husband: the character is odious; but then I do not intend, +through an excess of patience, to be made the jest of the town. Judge, +therefore, from what I am going to tell you, whether I ought to sit down +unconcerned, or whether I ought to take measures for the preservation of +my honour. + +"His royal highness honoured me yesterday by a visit to my wife." +Hamilton started at this beginning. "Yes," continued the other, "he +did give himself that trouble, and Lord Arran took upon himself that of +bringing him: do not you wonder, that a man of his birth should act such +a part? What advancement can he expect from one who employs him in such +base services? But we have long known him to be one of the silliest +creatures in England, with his guitar, and his other whims and follies." +Chesterfield, after this short sketch of his brother-in-law's merit, +began to relate the observations he had made during the visit, and asked +Hamilton what he thought of his cousin Arran, who had so obligingly left +them together. "This may appear surprising to you," continued he, "but +hear me out, and judge whether I have reason to think that the close +of this pretty visit passed in perfect innocence. Lady Chesterfield +is amiable, it must be acknowledged; but she is far from being such a +miracle of beauty as she supposes herself: you know she has ugly feet; +but perhaps you are not acquainted that she has still worse legs." +"Pardon me," said Hamilton, within himself: and the other continuing the +description: "Her legs," said his lordship, "are short and thick; and, +to remedy these defects as much as possible, she seldom wears any other +than green stockings." + +Hamilton could not for his life imagine the drift of all this discourse, +and Chesterfield, guessing his thoughts: "Have a little patience," said +he: "I went yesterday to Miss Stewart's, after the audience of those +damned Muscovites: the king arrived there just before me; and as if the +duke had sworn to pursue me wherever I went that day, he came in just +after me. The conversation turned upon the extraordinary appearance of +the ambassadors. I know not where that fool Crofts had heard that +all these Muscovites had handsome wives; and that all their wives had +handsome legs. Upon this the king maintained that no woman ever had +such handsome legs as Miss Stewart; and she, to prove the truth of his +majesty's assertion, with the greatest imaginable ease, immediately +shewed her leg above the knee. Some were ready to prostrate themselves, +in order to adore its beauty; for indeed none can be handsomer; but +the duke alone began to criticise upon it. He contended that it was too +slender, and that as for himself he would give nothing for a leg that +was not thicker and shorter, and concluded by saying that no leg was +worth anything without green stockings. Now this, in my opinion, was a +sufficient demonstration that he had just seen green stockings, and had +them fresh in his remembrance." + +Hamilton was at a loss what countenance to put on during a narrative +which raised in him nearly the same conjectures; he shrugged up his +shoulders, and faintly said that appearances were often deceitful; that +Lady Chesterfield had the foible of all beauties, who place their merit +on the number of their admirers; and whatever airs she might imprudently +have given herself, in order not to discourage his royal highness, +there was no ground to suppose that she would indulge him in any greater +liberties to engage him: but in vain was it that he endeavoured to +give that consolation to his friend which he did not feel himself. +Chesterfield plainly perceived he did not think of what he was saying; +however, he thought himself much obliged to him for the interest he +seemed to take in his concerns. + +Hamilton was in haste to go home to vent his spleen and resentment in a +letter to his cousin. The style of this billet was very different from +those which he formerly was accustomed to write to her: reproaches, +bitter expostulations, tenderness, menaces, and all the effusions of +a lover who thinks he has reason to complain, composed this epistle; +which, for fear of accidents, he went to deliver himself. + +Never did she before appear so lovely, and never did her eyes speak so +kindly to him as at this moment: his heart quite relented; but he was +determined not to lose all the fine things he had said in his letter. +In receiving it, she squeezed his hand: this action completely disarmed +him, and he would have given his life to have had his letter again. It +appeared to him at this instant that all the grievances he complained +of were visionary and groundless: he looked upon her husband as a madman +and an impostor, and quite the reverse of what he supposed him to be +a few minutes before; but this remorse came a little too late: he had +delivered his billet, and Lady Chesterfield had shewn such impatience +and eagerness to read it as soon as she had got it that all +circumstances seemed to conspire to justify her, and to confound +him. She managed to get quit, some way or other, of some troublesome +visitors, to slip into her closet. He thought himself so culpable that +he had not the assurance to wait her return: he withdrew with the rest +of the company; but he did not dare to appear before her the next day, +to have an answer to his letter: however, he met her at court; and this +was the first time, since the commencement of their amour, that he +did not seek for her. He stood at a distance, with downcast looks, +and appeared in such terrible embarrassment that his condition was +sufficient to raise laughter or to cause pity, when Lady Chesterfield +approaching, thus accosted him: "Confess," said she, "that you are in +as foolish a situation as any man of sense can be: you wish you had not +written to me: you are desirous of an answer: you hope for none: yet you +equally wish for and dread it: I have, however, written you one." +She had not time to say more; but the few words she had spoken were +accompanied with such an air, and such a look, as to make him believe +that it was Venus with all her graces who had addressed him. He was near +her when she sat down to cards, and as he was puzzling himself to devise +by what means he should get this answer, she desired him to lay her +gloves and fan down somewhere: he took them, and with them the billet +in question; and as he had perceived nothing severe or angry in the +conversation he had with her, he hastened to open her letter, and read +as follows: + +"Your transports are so ridiculous that it is doing you a favour to +attribute them to an excess of tenderness, which turns your head: a man, +without doubt, must have a great inclination to be jealous, to entertain +such an idea of the person you mention. Good God! what a lover to have +caused uneasiness to a man of genius, and what a genius to have got the +better of mine! Are not you ashamed to give any credit to the visions +of a jealous fellow who brought nothing else with him from Italy? Is +it possible that the story of the green stockings, upon which he has +founded his suspicions, should have imposed upon you, accompanied as it +is with such pitiful circumstances? Since he has made you his confidant, +why did not he boast of breaking in pieces my poor harmless guitar? +This exploit, perhaps, might have convinced you more than all the rest: +recollect yourself, and if you are really in love with me, thank +fortune for a groundless jealousy, which diverts to another quarter the +attention he might pay to my attachment for the most amiable and the +most dangerous man of the court." + +Hamilton was ready to weep for joy at these endearing marks of kindness, +of which he thought himself so unworthy he was not satisfied with +kissing, in raptures, every part of this billet; he also kissed several +times her gloves and her fan. Play being over, Lady Chesterfield +received them from his hands, and read in his eyes the joy that her +billet had raised in his heart. Nor was he satisfied with expressing +his raptures, only by looks: he hastened home, and wrote to her at least +four times as much. How different was this letter from the other! Though +perhaps not so well written; for one does not show so much wit in suing +for pardon, as in venting reproaches, and it seldom happens that the +soft languishing style of a love-letter is so penetrating as that of +invective. + +Be that as it may, his peace was made: their past quarrel gave new life +to their correspondence; and Lady Chesterfield, to make him as easy as +he had before been distrustful expressed on every occasion a feigned +contempt for his rival, and a sincere aversion for her husband. + +So great was his confidence in her, that he consented she should show in +public some marks of attention to the duke, in order to conceal as +much as possible their private intelligence. Thus, at this time nothing +disturbed his peace of mind, but his impatience of finding a favourable +opportunity for the completion of his desires: he thought it was in +her power to command it; but she excused herself on account of several +difficulties which she enumerated to him, and which she was desirous he +should remove by his industry and attentions. + +This silenced his complaints; but whilst he was endeavouring to surmount +these obstacles, still wondering how it was possible that two persons +who were so well disposed to each other, and who were agreed to make +each other happy, could not put their designs in execution, accident +discovered an unexpected adventure, which left him no room to doubt, +either of the happiness of his rival, or of the perfidy of his mistress. + +Misfortunes often fall light when most feared; and frequently prove +heaviest when merited, and when least suspected. Hamilton was in the +middle of the most tender and passionate letter he had ever written +to Lady Chesterfield, when her husband came to announce to him the +particulars of this last discovery: he came so suddenly upon him, that +he had only just time to conceal his amorous epistle among his other +papers. His heart and mind were still so full of what he was writing to +his cousin, that her husband's complaints against her, at first, were +scarce attended to; besides, in his opinion, he had come in the most +unfortunate moment on all accounts. + +He was, however, obliged to listen to him, and he soon entertained quite +different sentiments: he appeared almost petrified with astonishment, +while the earl was relating to him circumstances of such an extravagant +indiscretion, as seemed to him quite incredible, notwithstanding the +particulars of the fact. "You have reason to be surprised at it," said +my lord, concluding his story; "but if you doubt the truth of what I +tell you, it will be easy for you to find evidence that will convince +you; for the scene of their tender familiarities was no less public than +the room where the queen plays at cards, which while her majesty was at +play, was, God knows, pretty well crowded. Lady Denham was the first who +discovered what they thought would pass unperceived in the crowd; and +you may very well judge hew secret she would keep such a circumstance. +The truth is, she addressed herself to me first of all, as I entered the +room, to tell me that I should give my wife a little advice, as other +people might take notice of what I might see myself, if I pleased. + +"Your cousin was at play, as I before told you: the duke was sitting +next to her: I know not what was become of his hand; but I am sure that +no one could see his arm below the elbow: I was standing behind them, +just in the place that Lady Denham had quitted: the duke turning round +perceived me, and was so much disturbed at my presence, that he almost +undressed my lady in pulling away his hand. I know not whether they +perceived that they were discovered; but of this I am convinced, that +Lady Denham will take care that everybody shall know it. I must confess +to you, that my embarrassment is so great, that I cannot find words to +express what I now feel: I should not hesitate one moment what course to +take, if I might be allowed to show my resentment against the person who +has wronged me. As for her, I could manage her well enough, if, unworthy +as she is of any consideration, I had not still some regard for an +illustrious family, that would be distracted were I to resent such an +injury as it deserves. In this particular you are interested yourself: +you are my friend, and I make you my confidant in an affair of the +greatest imaginable delicacy: let us then consult together what is +proper to be done in so perplexing and disagreeable a situation." + +Hamilton, if possible, more astonished, and more confounded than +himself, was far from being in a proper state to afford him advice on +the present occasion: he listened to nothing but jealousy, and breathed +nothing but revenge; but these emotions being somewhat abated, in hopes +that there might be calumny, or at least exaggeration in the charges +against Lady Chesterfield, he desired her husband to suspend his +resolutions, until he was more fully informed of the fact; assuring him, +however, that if he found the circumstances such as he had related, he +should regard and consult no other interest than his. + +Upon this they parted; and Hamilton found, on the first inquiry, that +almost the whole court was informed of the adventure, to which every one +added something in relating it. Vexation and resentment, inflamed his +heart, and by degrees extinguished every remnant of his former passion. + +He might easily have seen her, and have made her such reproaches as a +man is generally inclined to do, on such occasions; but he was too much +enraged to enter into any detail which might have led to an explanation: +he considered himself as the only person essentially injured in this +affair; for he could never bring his mind to think that the injuries of +the husband could be placed in competition with those of the lover. + +He hastened to Lord Chesterfield, in the transport of his passion, and +told him that he had heard enough to induce him to give such advice, as +he should follow himself in the same situation, and that if he wished to +save a woman so strongly prepossessed, and who perhaps had not yet lost +all her innocence, though she had totally lost her reason, he ought +not to delay one single instant, but immediately to carry her into the +country with the greatest possible expedition, without allowing her the +least time to recover her surprise. + +Lord Chesterfield readily agreed to follow this advice, which he had +already considered as the only counsel a friend could give him; but his +lady who did not suspect he had made this last discovery of her conduct, +thought he was joking with her, when he told her to prepare for going +into the country in two days: she was the more induced to think so as +it was in the very middle of an extremely severe winter; but she soon +perceived that he was in earnest: she knew from the air and manner of +her husband that he thought he had sufficient reason to treat her in +this imperious style; and finding all her relations serious and cold +to her complaint, she had no hope left in this universally abandoned +situation but in the tenderness of Hamilton. She imagined she should +hear from him the cause of her misfortunes, of which she was still +totally ignorant, and that his love would invent some means or other +to prevent a journey, which she flattered herself would be even more +affecting to him than to herself; but she was expecting pity from a +crocodile. + +At last, when she saw the eve of her departure was come, that every +preparation was made for a long journey; that she was receiving farewell +visits in form, and that still she heard nothing from Hamilton, both +her hopes and her patience forsook her in this wretched situation. A few +tears perhaps might have afforded her some relief, but she chose +rather to deny herself that comfort, than to give her husband so much +satisfaction. Hamilton's conduct on this occasion appeared to her +unaccountable; and as he still never came near her, she found means to +convey to him the following billet. + +"Is it possible that you should be one of those, who, without +vouchsafing to tell me for what crime I am treated like a slave, suffer +me to be dragged from society? What means your silence and indolence in +a juncture wherein your tenderness ought most particularly to appear, +and actively exert itself? I am upon the point of departing, and am +ashamed to think that you are the cause of my looking upon it with +horror, as I have reason to believe that you are less concerned at it +than any other person: do, at least, let me know to what place I am to +be dragged; what is to be done with me within a wilderness? and on what +account you, like all the rest of the world, appear changed in your +behaviour towards a person whom all the world could not oblige to change +with regard to you, if your weakness or your ingratitude did not render +you unworthy of her tenderness." + +This billet did but harden his heart, and make him more proud of his +vengeance: he swallowed down full draughts of pleasure in beholding her +reduced to despair, being persuaded that her grief and regret for +her departure were on account of another person: he felt uncommon +satisfaction in having a share in tormenting her, and was particularly +pleased with the scheme he had contrived to separate her from a rival, +upon the very point perhaps of being made happy. Thus fortified as he +was against his natural tenderness, with all the severity of jealous +resentment, he saw her depart with an indifference which he did not even +endeavour to conceal from her: this unexpected treatment, joined to the +complication of her other misfortunes, had almost in reality plunged her +into despair. + +The court was filled with the story of this adventure; nobody was +ignorant of the occasion of this sudden departure, but very few approved +of Lord Chesterfield's conduct. In England they looked with astonishment +upon a man who could be so uncivil as to be jealous of his wife; and in +the city of London it was a prodigy, till that time unknown, to see a +husband have recourse to violent means, to prevent what jealousy fears, +and what it always deserves. They endeavoured, however, to excuse poor +Lord Chesterfield, as far as they could safely do it, without incurring +the public odium, by laying all the blame on his bad education. This +made all the mothers vow to God that none of their sons should ever set +a foot in Italy, lest they should bring back with them that infamous +custom of laying restraint upon their wives. + + + + +CHAPTER NINTH. VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT + + +Every man who believes that his honour depends upon that of his wife +is a fool who torments himself, and drives her to despair; but he who, +being naturally jealous, has the additional misfortune of loving his +wife, and who expects that she should only live for him; is a perfect +madman, whom the torments of hell have actually taken hold of in this +world, and whom nobody pities. All reasoning and observation on these +unfortunate circumstances attending wedlock concur in this, that +precaution is vain and useless before the evil, and revenge odious +afterwards. + +The Spaniards, who tyrannise over their wives, more by custom than +from jealousy, content themselves with preserving the niceness of their +honour by duennas, grates, and locks. + +The Italians, who are wary in their suspicions, and vindictive in their +resentments, pursue a different line of conduct: some satisfy themselves +with keeping their wives under locks which they think secure: others +by ingenious precautions exceed whatever the Spaniards can invent for +confining the fair sex but the generality are of opinion, that in either +unavoidable danger or in manifest transgression, the surest way is to +assassinate. + +But, ye courteous and indulgent nations, who, far from admitting these +savage and barbarous customs, give full liberty to your dear ribs, +and commit the care of their virtue to their own discretion, you pass +without alarms or strife your peaceful days, in all the enjoyments of +domestic indolence! + +It was certainly some evil genius that induced Lord Chesterfield to +distinguish himself from his patient and good-natured countrymen, and +ridiculously to afford the world an opportunity of examining into the +particulars of an adventure which would perhaps never have been known +without the verge of the court, and which would everywhere have been +forgotten in less than a month; but now, as soon as ever he had turned +his back, in order to march away with his prisoner, and the ornaments +she was supposed to have bestowed upon him, God only knows what a +terrible attack there was made upon his rear: Rochester, Middlesex, +Sedley, Etheredge, and all the whole band of wits, exposed him in +numberless ballads, and diverted the public at his expense. + +The Chevalier de Grammont was highly pleased with these lively and +humorous compositions; and wherever this subject was mentioned, never +failed to produce his supplement upon the occasion: "It is strange," +said he, "that the country, which is little better than a gallows or +a grave for young people, is allotted in this land only for the +unfortunate, and not for the guilty! poor Lady Chesterfield, for some +unguarded looks, is immediately seized upon by an angry husband, who +will oblige her to spend her Christmas at a country-house, a hundred and +fifty miles from London; while here there are a thousand ladies who +are left at liberty to do whatever they please, and who indulge in that +liberty, and whose conduct, in short, deserves a daily bastinado. I name +no person, God forbid I should; but Lady Middleton, Lady Denham, the +queen's and the duchess's maids of honour, and a hundred others, bestow +their favours to the right and to the left, and not the least notice is +taken of their conduct. As for Lady Shrewsbury, she is conspicuous. I +would take a wager she might have a man killed for her every day, find +she would only hold her head the higher for it: one would suppose she +imported from Rome plenary indulgences for her conduct: there are three +or four gentlemen who wear an ounce of her hair made into bracelets, and +no person finds any fault; and yet shall such a cross-grained fool as +Chesterfield be permitted to exercise an act of tyranny, altogether +unknown in this country, upon the prettiest woman in England, and all +for a mere trifle: but I am his humble servant; his precautions will +avail him nothing; on the contrary, very often a woman, who had no bad +intentions when she was suffered to remain in tranquillity, is prompted +to such conduct by revenge, or reduced to it by necessity: this is +as true as the gospel: hear now what Francisco's saraband says on the +subject: + + "Tell me, jealous-paced swain, + What avail thy idle arts, + To divide united hearts? + Love, like the wind, I trow, + Will, where it listeth, blow; + So, prithee, peace, for all thy cares are vain. + + "When you are by, + Nor wishful look, be sure, nor eloquent sigh, + Shall dare those inward fires discover, + Which burn in either lover + Yet Argus' self, if Argus were thy spy, + Should ne'er, with all his mob of eyes, + Surprise. + + "Some joys forbidden, + Transports hidden, + Which love, through dark and secret ways, + Mysterious love, to kindred souls conveys." + +The Chevalier de Grammont passed for the author of this sonnet: +neither the justness of the sentiment, nor turn of it, are surprisingly +beautiful; but as it contained some truths that flattered the genius +of the nation, and pleased those who interested themselves for the fair +sex, the ladies were all desirous of having it to teach their children. + +During all this time the Duke of York, not being in the way of seeing +Lady Chesterfield, easily forgot her: her absence, however, had some +circumstances attending it which could not but sensibly affect the +person who had occasioned her confinement; but there are certain +fortunate tempers to which every situation is easy; they feel neither +disappointment with bitterness, nor pleasure with acuteness. In the mean +time, as the duke could not remain idle, he had no sooner forgotten Lady +Chesterfield, but he began to think of her whom he had been in love with +before, and was upon the point of relapsing into his old passion for +Miss Hamilton. + +There was in London a celebrated portrait-painter called Lely, who had +greatly improved himself by studying the famous Vandyke's pictures, +which were dispersed all over England in abundance. Lely imitated +Vandyke's manner, and approached the nearest to him of all the moderns. +The Duchess of York, being desirous of having the portraits of the +handsomest persons at court, Lely painted them, and employed all his +skill in the performance; nor could he ever exert himself upon more +beautiful subjects. Every picture appeared a master-piece; and that of +Miss Hamilton appeared the highest finished: Lely himself acknowledged +that he had drawn it with a particular pleasure. The Duke of York took +a delight in looking at it, and began again to ogle the original: he had +very little reason to hope for success; and at the same time that his +hopeless passion alarmed the Chevalier de Grammont, Lady Denham thought +proper to renew the negotiation which had so unluckily been interrupted: +it was soon brought to a conclusion; for where both parties are sincere +in a negotiation, no time is lost in cavilling. Everything succeeded +prosperously on one side; yet, I know not what fatality obstructed the +pretensions of the other. The duke was very urgent with the duchess to +put Lady Denham in possession of the place which was the object of her +ambition; but as she was not guarantee for the performance of the +secret articles of the treaty, though till this time she had borne with +patience the inconstancy of the duke, and yielded submissively to +his desires; yet, in the present instance, it appeared hard and +dishonourable to her, to entertain near her person, a rival, who would +expose her to the danger of acting but a second part in the midst of her +own court. However, she saw herself upon the point of being forced to it +by authority, when a far more unfortunate obstacle for ever bereft poor +Lady Denham of the hopes of possessing that fatal place, which she had +solicited with such eagerness. + +Old Denham, naturally jealous, became more and more suspicious, and +found that he had sufficient ground for such conduct: his wife was +young and handsome, he old and disagreeable: what reason then had he to +flatter himself that Heaven would exempt him from the fate of husbands +in the like circumstances? This he was continually saying to himself; +but when compliments were poured in upon him from all sides, upon the +place his lady was going to have near the duchess's person, he formed +ideas of what was sufficient to have made him hang himself, if he had +possessed the resolution. The traitor chose rather to exercise his +courage against another. He wanted precedents for putting in practice +his resentments in a privileged country: that of Lord Chesterfield was +not sufficiently bitter for the revenge he meditated: besides, he had no +country-house to which he could carry his unfortunate wife. This being +the case, the old villain made her travel a much longer journey without +stirring out of London. Merciless fate robbed her of life, and of her +dearest hopes, in the bloom of youth. + +As no person entertained any doubt of his having poisoned her, the +populace of his neighbourhood had a design of tearing him in pieces, +as soon as he should come abroad; but he shut himself up to bewail her +death, until their fury was appeased by a magnificent funeral, at which +he distributed four times more burnt wine than had ever been drunk at +any burial in England. + + [The lampoons of the day, some of which are to be found in Andrew + Marvell's Works, more than insinuate that she was deprived of life + by a mixture infused into some chocolate. The slander of the times + imputed her death to the jealousy of the Duchess of York.] + +While the town was in fear of some great disaster, as an expiation for +these fatal effects of jealousy, Hamilton was not altogether so easy +as he flattered himself he should be after the departure of Lady +Chesterfield: he had only consulted the dictates of revenge in what he +had done. His vengeance was satisfied; but such was far from being +the case with his love; and having, since the absence of her he +still admired, notwithstanding his resentments, leisure to make those +reflections which a recent injury will not permit a man to attend +to: "And wherefore," said he to himself, "was I so eager to make her +miserable, who alone, however culpable she may be, has it in her power +to make me happy? Cursed jealousy!" continued he, "yet more cruel to +those who torment than to those who are tormented! What have I gained by +having blasted the hopes of a more happy rival, since I was not able +to perform this without depriving myself, at the same time, of her upon +whom the whole happiness and comfort of my life was centred." + +Thus, clearly proving to himself, by a great many reasonings of the +same kind, and all out of season, that in such an engagement it was much +better to partake with another than to have nothing at all, he filled +his mind with a number of vain regrets and unprofitable remorse, when he +received a letter from her who occasioned them, but a letter so exactly +adapted to increase them, that, after he had read it, he looked upon +himself as the greatest scoundrel in the world. Here it follows: + +"You will, no doubt, be as much surprised at this letter as I was at the +unconcerned air with which you beheld my departure. I am led to believe +that you had imagined reasons which, in your own mind, justified such +unseasonable conduct. If you are still under the impression of such +barbarous sentiments it will afford you pleasure to be made acquainted +with what I suffer in the most horrible of prisons. Whatever the country +affords most melancholy in this season presents itself to my view on all +sides: surrounded by impassable roads, out of one window I see nothing +but rocks, out of another nothing but precipices; but wherever I turn +my eyes within doors I meet those of a jealous husband, still more +insupportable than the sad objects that encompass me. I should add to +the misfortunes of my life that of seeming criminal in the eyes of a man +who ought to have justified me, even against convincing appearances, if +by my avowed innocence I had a right to complain or to expostulate: but +how is it possible for me to justify myself at such a distance; and how +can I flatter myself that the description of a most dreadful prison will +not prevent you from believing me? But do you deserve that I should +wish you did? Heavens! how I must hate you, if I did not love you to +distraction. Come, therefore, and let me once again see you, that you +may hear my justification; and I am convinced that if after this visit +you find me guilty it will not be with respect to yourself. Our Argus +sets out to-morrow for Chester, where a law-suit will detain him a week. +I know not whether he will gain it; but I am sure it will be entirely +your fault if he does not lose one, for which he is at least as anxious +as that he is now going after." + +This letter was sufficient to make a man run blindfold into an adventure +still more rash than that which was proposed to him, and that was rash +enough in all respects: he could not perceive by what means she could +justify herself; but as she assured him he should be satisfied with his +journey, this was all he desired at present. + +There was one of his relations with Lady Chesterfield, who, having +accompanied her in her exile, had gained some share in their mutual +confidence; and it was through her means he received this letter, +with all the necessary instructions about his journey and his arrival. +Secrecy being the soul of such expeditions, especially before an amour +is accomplished, he took post, and set out in the night, animated by the +most tender and flattering wishes, so that, in less than no time almost, +in comparison with the distance and the badness of the roads, he +had travelled a hundred and fifty tedious miles at the last stage +he prudently dismissed the post-boy. It was not yet daylight, and +therefore, for fear of the rocks and precipices mentioned in her letter, +he proceeded with tolerable discretion, considering he was in love. + +By this means he fortunately escaped all the dangerous places, and, +according to his instructions, alighted at a little hut adjoining to the +park wall. The place was not magnificent; but, as he only wanted rest, +it did well enough for that: he did not wish for daylight, and was even +still less desirous of being seen; wherefore, having shut himself up in +this obscure retreat, he fell into a profound sleep, and did not wake +until noon. As he was particularly hungry when he awoke, he ate and +drank heartily: and, as he was the neatest man at court, and was +expected by the neatest lady in England, he spent the remainder of the +day in dressing himself, and in making all those preparations which the +time and place permitted, without deigning once to look around him, or +to ask his landlord a single question. At last the orders he expected +with great impatience were brought him, in the beginning of the evening, +by a servant, who, attending him as a guide, after having led him for +about half an hour in the dirt, through a park of vast extent, brought +him at last into a garden, into which a little door opened: he was +posted exactly opposite to this door, by which, in a short time, he was +to be introduced to a more agreeable situation; and here his conductor +left him. The night advanced, but the door never opened. + +Though the winter was almost over, the cold weather seemed only to be +beginning: he was dirtied up to his knees in mud, and soon perceived +that if he continued much longer in this garden it would all be +frozen. This beginning of a very dark and bitter night would have been +unbearable to any other; but it was nothing to a man who flattered +himself to pass the remainder of it in the height of bliss. However, he +began to wonder at so many precautions in the absence of a husband his +imagination, by a thousand delicious and tender ideas supported him +some time against the torments of impatience and the inclemency of +the weather; but he felt his imagination, notwithstanding, cooling by +degrees; and two hours, which seemed to him as tedious as two whole +ages, having passed, and not the least notice being taken of him, either +from the door or from the window, he began to reason with himself upon +the posture of his affairs, and what was the fittest conduct for him to +pursue in this emergency: "What if I should rap at this cursed door," +said he; "for if my fate requires that I should perish, it is at least +more honourable to die in the house than to be starved to death in +the garden but then," continued he, "I may, thereby, perhaps, expose +a person whom some unforeseen accident may, at this very instant, have +reduced to greater perplexity than even I myself am in." This thought +supplied him with a necessary degree of patience and fortitude against +the enemies he had to contend with; he therefore began to walk quickly +to and fro, with resolution to wait, as long as he could keep alive, the +end of an adventure which had such an uncomfortable beginning. All this +was to no purpose; for though he used every effort to keep himself warm, +and though muffled up in a thick cloak, yet he began to be benumbed in +all his limbs, and the cold gained the ascendancy over all his amorous +vivacity and eagerness. Daybreak was not far off, and judging now +that, though the accursed door should even be opened, it would be to no +purpose, he returned, as well as he could, to the place from whence he +had set out upon this wonderful expedition. + +All the faggots that were in the cottage were hardly able to unfreeze +him: the more he reflected on his adventure, the circumstances attending +it appeared still the more strange and unaccountable; but so far +from accusing the charming countess, he suffered a thousand different +anxieties on her account. Sometimes he imagined that her husband might +have returned unexpectedly; sometimes, that she might suddenly have +been taken ill; in short, that some insuperable obstacle had unluckily +interposed, and prevented his happiness, notwithstanding his mistress's +kind intentions towards him. "But wherefore," said he, "did she forget +me in that cursed garden? Is it possible that she could not find a +single moment to make me at least, some sign or other, if she could +neither speak to me nor give me admittance?" He knew not which of these +conjectures to rely upon, or how to answer his own questions; but as he +flattered himself that everything would succeed better the next night, +after having vowed not to set a foot again into that unfortunate garden, +he gave orders to be awakened as soon as any person should inquire for +him: then he laid himself down in one of the worst beds in the world, +and slept as sound as if he had been in the best: he supposed that he +should not be awakened, but either by a letter or a message from Lady +Chesterfield; but he had scarce slept two hours when he was roused by +the sound of the horn and the cry of the hounds. The but which afforded +him a retreat, joining, as we before said, to the park wall, he called +his host, to know what was the occasion of that hunting, which made a +noise as if the whole pack of hounds had been in his bed-chamber. He was +told that it was my lord hunting a hare in his park. "What lord?" said +he, in great surprise. "The Earl of Chesterfield," replied the pea sant. +He was so astonished at this that at first he hid his head under the +bed-clothes, under the idea that he already saw him entering with all +his bounds; but as soon as he had a little recovered himself he began +to curse capricious fortune, no longer doubting but this jealous fool's +return had occasioned all his tribulations in the preceding night. + +It was not possible for him to sleep again, after such an alarm; he +therefore got up, that he might revolve in his mind all the stratagems +that are usually employed either to deceive, or to remove out of the +way, a jealous scoundrel of a husband, who thought fit to neglect his +law-suit in order to plague his wife. He had just finished dressing +himself, and was beginning to question his landlord, when the same +servant who had conducted him to the garden delivered him a letter, and +disappeared, without waiting for an answer. This letter was from his +relation, and was to this effect: + +"I am extremely sorry that I have innocently been accessary to bringing +you to a place, to which you were only invited to be laughed at: I +opposed this journey at first, though I was then persuaded it was wholly +suggested by her tenderness; but she has now undeceived me: she triumphs +in the trick she has played you: her husband has not stirred from hence, +but stays at home, out of complaisance to her: he treats her in the most +affectionate manner; and it was upon their reconciliation that she found +out that you had advised him to carry her into the country. She has +conceived such hatred and aversion against you for it, that I find, from +her discourse, she has not yet wholly satisfied her resentment. Console +yourself for the hatred of a person, whose heart never merited your +tenderness. Return: a longer stay in this place will but draw upon you +some fresh misfortune: for my part, I shall soon leave her: I know her, +and I thank God for it. I do not repent having pitied her at first; but +I am disgusted with an employment which but ill agrees with my way of +thinking." + +Upon reading this letter, astonishment, shame, hatred, and rage, seized +at once upon his heart: then menaces, invectives, and the desire of +vengeance, broke forth by turns, and excited his passion and resentment; +but, after he deliberately considered the matter, he resolved that it +was now the best way quietly to mount his horse, and to carry back +with him to London a severe cold, instead of the soft wishes and tender +desires he had brought from thence. He quitted this perfidious place +with much greater expedition than he had arrived at it, though his +mind was far from being occupied with such tender and agreeable ideas: +however, when he thought himself at a sufficient distance to be out of +danger of meeting Lord Chesterfield and his hounds, he chose to look +back, that he might at least have the satisfaction of seeing the prison +where this wicked enchantress was confined; but what was his surprise, +when he saw a very fine house, situated on the banks of a river, in +the most delightful and pleasant country imaginable. Neither rock nor +precipice was here to be seen; for, in reality, they were only in +the letter of his perfidious mistress. This furnished fresh cause for +resentment and confusion to a man who thought himself so well acquainted +with all the wiles, as well as weaknesses, of the fair sex; and who now +found himself the dupe of a coquette, who was reconciled to her husband +in order to be revenged on her lover. + +At last he reached London, well furnished with arguments to maintain +that a man must be extremely weak to trust to the tenderness of a woman +who has once deceived him, but that he must be a complete fool to run +after her. + +This adventure not being much to his credit, he suppressed, as much as +possible, both the journey and the circumstances attending it; but, as +we may easily suppose, Lady Chesterfield made no secret of it, the king +came to the knowledge of it; and, having complimented Hamilton upon it, +desired to be informed of all the particulars of the expedition. The +Chevalier de Grammont happened to be present at this recital; and, +having gently inveighed against the treacherous manner in which he had +been used, said: "If she is to be blamed for carrying the jest so +far, you are no less to be blamed for coming back so suddenly, like an +ignorant novice. I dare lay an hundred guineas, she has more than once +repented of a resentment which you pretty well deserved for the trick +you had played her: women love revenge; but their resentments seldom +last long; and if you had remained in the neighbourhood till the next +day, I will be hanged if she would not have given you satisfaction for +the first night's sufferings." Hamilton being of a different opinion, +the Chevalier de Grammont resolved to maintain his assertion by a case +in point; and, addressing himself to the king: "Sir," said he, "your +majesty, I suppose, must have known Marion de l'Orme, the most charming +creature in all France: though she was as witty as an angel, she was as +capricious as a devil. This beauty having made me an appointment, a whim +seized her to put me off, and to give it to another; she therefore wrote +me one of the tenderest billets in the world, full of the grief and +sorrow she was in, by being obliged to disappoint me; on account of a +most terrible headache, that obliged her to keep her bed, and deprived +her of the pleasure of seeing me till the next day. This headache coming +all of a sudden, appeared to me very suspicious; and, never doubting but +it was her intention to jilt me: 'Very well, mistress coquette,' said I +to myself, 'if you do not enjoy the pleasure of seeing me this day, you +shall not enjoy the satisfaction of seeing another.' + +"Hereupon, I detached all my servants, some of whom patrolled about +her house, whilst others watched her door; one of the latter brought me +intelligence that no person had gone into her house all the afternoon; +but that a foot-boy had gone out as it grew dark; that he followed him +as far as the Rue Saint Antoine, where this boy met another, to whom +he only spoke two or three words. This was sufficient to confirm my +suspicions, and make me resolve either to make one of the party, or to +disconcert it. + + [Marion de l'Orme, born at Chalons, in Champagne, was esteemed the + most beautiful woman of her times. It is believed that she was + secretly married to the unfortunate Monsieur Cinqmars. After his + death, she became the mistress of Cardinal Richelieu, and, at last, + of Monsieur d'Emery, superintendent of the finances.] + +"As the bagnio where I lodged was at a great distance from the Marais, +as soon as the night set in I mounted my horse, without any attendant. +When I came to the Place-Royale, the servant, who was sentry there, +assured me that no person was yet gone into Mademoiselle de l'Orme's +house: I rode forward towards the Rue Saint Antoine; and, just as I was +going out of the Place-Royale, I saw a man on foot coming into it, who +avoided me as much as he possibly could; but his endeavour was all to no +purpose; I knew him to be the Duke de Brissac, and I no longer doubted +but he was my rival that night: I then approached towards him, seeming +as if I feared I mistook my man; and, alighting with a very busy air +'Brissac, my friend,' said I, 'you must do me a service of the very +greatest importance: I have an appointment, for the first time, with +a girl who lives very near this place; and, as this visit is only +to concert measures, I shall make but a very short stay: be so kind, +therefore, as to lend me your cloak, and walk my horse about a little, +until I return; but, above all, do not go far from this place: you see +that I use you freely like a friend; but you know it is upon condition +that you may take the same liberty with me.' I took his cloak, without +waiting for his answer, and he took my horse by the bridle, and followed +me with his eye; but he gained no intelligence by this; for, after +having pretended to go into a house opposite to him, I slipped under the +piazzas to Mademoiselle de l'Orme's, where the door was opened as soon +as I knocked. I was so much muffled up in Brissac's cloak that I was +taken for him: the door was immediately shut, not the least question +asked me; and having none to ask myself I went straight to the lady's +chamber. I found her upon a couch in the most agreeable and genteelest +deshabille imaginable: she never in her life looked so handsome, nor was +so greatly surprised; and, seeing her speechless and confounded: 'What +is the matter, my fair one?' said I, 'methinks this is a headache very +elegantly set off; but your headache, to all appearance, is now gone?' +'Not in the least,' said she, 'I can scarce support it, and you will +oblige me in going away that I may go to bed.' 'As for your going to +bed, to that I have not the least objection,' said I, 'but as for +my going away, that cannot be, my little princess: the Chevalier de +Grammont is no fool; a woman does not dress herself with so much care +for nothing.' 'You will find, however,' said she, 'that it is for +nothing; for you may depend upon it that you shall be no gainer by it.' +'What!' said I, 'after having made me an appointment!' 'Well,' replied +she hastily, 'though I had made you fifty, it still depends upon me, +whether I chose to keep them or not, and you must submit if I do +not.' 'This might do very well,' said I, 'if it was not to give it to +another.' Mademoiselle de l'Orme, as haughty as a woman of the greatest +virtue, and as passionate as one who has the least, was irritated at a +suspicion which gave her more concern than confusion; and seeing that +she was beginning to put herself in a passion: 'Madam,' said I, 'pray do +not talk in so high a strain; I know what perplexes you: you are afraid +lest Brissac should meet me here; but you may make yourself easy on that +account: I met him not far from this place, and God knows that I have so +managed the affair as to prevent his visiting you soon.' Having spoken +these words in a tone somewhat tragical, she appeared concerned at +first, and, looking upon me with surprise: 'What do you mean about the +Duke de Brissac?' said she. 'I mean,' replied I, 'that he is at the end +of the street, walking my horse about; but, if you will not believe me, +send one of your own servants thither, or look at his cloak which I left +in your ante-chamber.' Upon this she burst into a fit of laughter, in +the midst of her astonishment, and, throwing her arms around my neck, +'My dear Chevalier,' said she, 'I can hold out no longer; you are too +amiable and too eccentric not to be pardoned.' I then told her the +whole story: she was ready to die with laughing; and, parting very good +friends, she assured me my rival might exercise horses as long as he +pleased, but that he should not set his foot within her doors that +night. + +"I found the duke exactly in the place where I had left him: I asked him +a thousand pardons for having made him wait so long, and thanked him +a thousand times for his complaisance. He told me I jested, that such +compliments were unusual among friends; and to convince me that he had +cordially rendered me this piece of service, he would, by all means, +hold my horse while I was mounting. I returned him his cloak, bade him +good night, and went back to my lodgings, equally satisfied with my +mistress and my rival. This," continued he, "proves that a little +patience and address are sufficient to disarm the anger of the fair, to +turn even their tricks to a man's advantage." + +It was in vain that the Chevalier de Grammont diverted the court with +his stories, instructed by his example, and never appeared there but +to inspire universal joy; for a long time he was the only foreigner in +fashion. Fortune, jealous of the justice which is done to merit, and +desirous of seeing all human happiness depend on her caprice, raised +up against him two competitors for the pleasure he had long enjoyed of +entertaining the English court; and these competitors were so much the +more dangerous, as the reputation of their several merits had preceded +their arrival, in order to dispose the suffrages of the court in their +favour. + +They came to display, in their own persons, whatever was the most +accomplished either among the men of the sword, or of the gown. The one +was the Marquis de Flamarens, the sad object of the sad elegies of the +Countess de la Suse, the other was the president Tambonneau, the most +humble and most obedient servant and admirer of the beauteous Luynes. As +they arrived together, they exerted every endeavour to shine in concert: +their talents were as different as their persons; Tambonneau, who was +tolerably ugly, founded his hopes upon a great store of wit, which, +however, no person in England could find out; and Flamarens, by his air +and mien, courted admiration, which was flatly denied him. + +They had agreed mutually to assist each other, in order to succeed in +their intentions; and therefore, in their first visits, the one appeared +in state, and the other was the spokesman. But they found the ladies in +England of a far different taste from those who had rendered them famous +in France: the rhetoric of the one had no effect on the fair sex, and +the fine mien of the other distinguished him only in a minuet, which +he first introduced into England, and which he danced with tolerable +success. The English court had been too long accustomed to the solid wit +of Saint Evremond, and the natural and singular charms of his hero, to +be seduced by appearances; however, as the English have, in general, a +sort of predilection in favour of anything that has the appearance of +bravery, Flamarens was better received on account of a duel, which, +obliging him to leave his own country, was a recommendation to him in +England. + +Miss Hamilton had, at first, the honour of being distinguished by +Tambonneau, who thought she possessed a sufficient share of wit to +discover the delicacy of his; and, being delighted to find that nothing +was lost in her conversation, either as to the turn, the expression, or +beauty of the thought, he frequently did her the favour to converse with +her; and, perhaps, he would never have found out that he was tiresome, +if, contenting himself with the display of his eloquence, he had not +thought proper to attack her heart. This was carrying the matter a +little too far for Miss Hamilton's complaisance, who was of opinion that +she had already shown him too much for the tropes of his harangues: +he was therefore desired to try somewhere else the experiment of his +seducing tongue, and not to lose the merit of his former constancy by an +infidelity which would be of no advantage to him. + +He followed this advice like a wise and tractable man; and some time +after, returning to his old mistress in France, he began to lay in a +store of politics for those important negotiations in which he has since +been employed. + +It was not till after his departure that the Chevalier de Grammont heard +of the amorous declaration he had made: this was a confidence of no +great importance; it, however, saved Tambonneau from some ridicule +which might have fallen to his share before he went away. His colleague, +Flamarens, deprived of his support, soon perceived that he was not +likely to meet in England with the success he had expected, both from +love and fortune: but Lord Falmouth, ever attentive to the glory of his +master, in the relief of illustrious men in distress, provided for his +subsistence, and Lady Southesk for his pleasures: he obtained a pension +from the king, and from her everything he desired; and most happy was it +for him that she had no other present to bestow but that of her heart. + +It was at this time that Talbot, whom we have before mentioned, and +who was afterwards created Duke of Tyrconnel, fell in love with Miss +Hamilton. There was not a more genteel man at court: he was indeed but +a younger brother, though of a very ancient family, which, however, was +not very considerable either for its renown or its riches; and though he +was naturally of a careless disposition, yet, being intent upon making +his fortune, and much in favour with the Duke of York, and fortune +likewise favouring him at play, he had improved both so well that he was +in possession of about forty thousand pounds a year in land. He offered +himself to Miss Hamilton, with this fortune, together with the almost +certain hopes of being made a peer of the realm, by his master's credit; +and, over-and-above all, as many sacrifices as she could desire of Lady +Shrewsbury's letters, pictures, and hair; curiosities which, indeed, +are reckoned for nothing in housekeeping, but which testify strongly in +favour of the sincerity and merit of a lover. + +Such a rival was not to be despised; and the Chevalier de Grammont +thought him the more dangerous, as he perceived that Talbot was +desperately in love; that he was not a man to be discouraged by a first +repulse; that he had too much sense and good breeding to draw upon +himself either contempt or coldness by too great eagerness; and, besides +this, his brothers began to frequent the house. One of these brothers +was almoner to the queen, an intriguing Jesuit, and a great match-maker: +the other was what was called a lay-monk, who had nothing of his order +but the immorality and infamy of character which is ascribed to them; +and withal, frank and free, and sometimes entertaining, but ever ready +to speak bold and offensive truths, and to do good offices. + +When the Chevalier de Grammont reflected upon all these things, there +certainly was strong ground for uneasiness: nor was the indifference +which Miss Hamilton showed for the addresses of his rival sufficient to +remove his fears; for being absolutely dependent on her father's will, +she could only answer for her own intentions: but Fortune, who seemed to +have taken him under her protection in England, now delivered him from +all his uneasiness. + +Talbot had for many years stood forward as the patron of the distressed +Irish: this zeal for his countrymen was certainly very commendable +in itself; at the same time, however, it was not altogether free from +self-interest: for, out of all the estates he had, through his credit, +procured the restoration of to their primitive owners, he had always +obtained some small compensation for himself; but, as each owner found +his advantage in it, no complaint was made. Nevertheless, as it is very +difficult to use fortune and favour with moderation, and not to swell +with the gales of prosperity, some of his proceedings had an air of +haughtiness and independence, which offended the Duke of Ormond, then +Lord Lieutenant of Ireland, as injurious to his Grace's authority. The +Duke resented this behaviour with great spirit. As there certainly was +a great difference between them, both as to their birth and rank, and +to their credit, it had been prudent in Talbot to have had recourse to +apologies and submission; but such conduct appeared to him base, and +unworthy for a man of his importance to submit to: he accordingly acted +with haughtiness and insolence; but he was soon convinced of his error; +for, having inconsiderately launched out into some arrogant expressions, +which it neither became him to utter nor the Duke of Ormond to forgive, +he was sent prisoner to the Tower, from whence he could not be released +until he had made all necessary submissions to his Grace: he therefore +employed all his friends for that purpose, and was obliged to yield more +to get out of this scrape than would have been necessary to have avoided +it. By this imprudent conduct he lost all hopes of marrying into a +family, which, after such a proceeding, was not likely to listen to any +proposal from him. + + [A very exact account of this transaction is given by Lord + Clarendon, by which it appears, that Talbot was committed to the + Tower for threatening to assassinate the Duke of Ormond. + --Continuation of Clarendon, p. 362.] + +It was with great difficulty and mortification that he was obliged to +suppress a passion which had made far greater progress in his heart than +this quarrel had done good to his affairs. This being the case, he was +of opinion that his presence was necessary in Ireland, and that he was +better out of the way of Miss Hamilton, to remove those impressions +which still troubled his repose: his departure, therefore, soon followed +this resolution. + +Talbot played deep, and was tolerably forgetful: the Chevalier de +Grammont won three or four hundred guineas of him the very evening on +which he was sent to the Tower. That accident had made him forget +his usual punctuality in paying the next morning whatever he had lost +over-night; and this debt had so far escaped his memory, that it never +once occurred to him after he was enlarged. The Chevalier de Grammont, +who saw him at his departure, without taking the least notice of the +money he owed him, wished him a good journey; and, having met him at +court, as he came to take his leave of the king: "Talbot," said he, "if +my services can be of any use to you during your absence, you have +but to command them: you know old Russell has left his nephew as his +resident with Miss Hamilton: if you please, I will act for you in the +same capacity. Adieu, God bless you: be sure not to fall sick upon the +road; but if you should, pray remember me in your will." Talbot, who, +upon this compliment, immediately recollected the money he owed the +Chevalier, burst out a-laughing, and embracing him: "My dear Chevalier," +said he, "I am so much obliged to you for your offer, that I resign you +my mistress, and will send you your money instantly." The Chevalier de +Grammont possessed a thousand of these genteel ways of refreshing +the memories of those persons who were apt to be forgetful in their +payments. The following is the method he used some years after with +Lord Cornwallis: this lord had married the daughter of Sir Stephen +Fox,--treasurer of the king's household, one of the richest and most +regular men in England. His son-in-law, on the contrary, was a young +spendthrift, was very extravagant, loved gaming, lost as much as any one +would trust him, but was not quite so ready at paying. His father-in-law +disapproved of his conduct, paid his debts, and gave him a lecture at +the same time. The Chevalier de Grammont had won of him a thousand or +twelve hundred guineas, which he heard no tidings of, although he was +upon the eve of his departure, and he had taken leave of Cornwallis in a +more particular manner than any other person. This obliged the Chevalier +to write him a billet, which was rather laconic. It was this: + + "MY LORD, + + "Pray remember the Count de Grammont, and do not forget Sir Stephen + Fox." + +To return to Talbot: he went away more concerned than became a man who +had voluntarily resigned his mistress to another: neither his stay in +Ireland, nor his solicitude about his domestic affairs, perfectly +cured him; and if at his return he found himself disengaged from +Miss Hamilton's chains, it was only to exchange them for others. The +alteration that had taken place in the two courts occasioned this change +in him, as we shall see in the sequel. + +We have hitherto only mentioned the queen's maids of honour, upon +account of Miss Stewart and Miss Warmestre the others were Miss +Bellenden, Mademoiselle de la Garde and Mademoiselle Bardou, all maids +of honour, as it pleased God. + +Miss Bellenden was no beauty, but was a good-natured girl, whose chief +merit consisted in being plump and fresh-coloured; and who, not having +a sufficient stock of wit to be a coquette in form, used all her +endeavours to please every person by her complaisance. Mademoiselle de +la Garde, and Mademoiselle Bardou, both French, had been preferred to +their places by the queen dowager: the first was a little brunette, who +was continually meddling in the affairs of her companions; and the +other by all means claimed the rank of a maid of honour, though she only +lodged with the others, and both her title and services were constantly +contested. + +It was hardly possible for a woman to be more ugly, with so fine a +shape; but as a recompense, her ugliness was set off with every art. The +use she was put to, was to dance with Flamarens, and sometimes, towards +the conclusion of a ball, possessed of castanets and effrontery, she +would dance some figured saraband or other, which amused the court. Let +us now see in what manner this ended. + +As Miss Stewart was very seldom in waiting on the queen, she was +scarcely considered as a maid of honour: the others went off almost at +the same time, by different adventures; and this is the history of Miss +Warmestre, whom we have before mentioned, when speaking of the Chevalier +de Grammont. + +Lord Taaffe, eldest son of the Earl of Carlingford, was supposed to be +in love with her; and Miss Warmestre not only imagined it was so, but +likewise persuaded herself that he would not fail to marry her the first +opportunity; and in the mean time she thought it her duty to entertain +him with all the civility imaginable. Taaffe had made the Duke of +Richmond his confidant: these two were particularly attached to each +other; but still more so to wine. The Duke of Richmond, notwithstanding +his birth, made but an indifferent figure at court; and the king +respected him still less than his courtiers did: and perhaps it was in +order to court his majesty's favour that he thought proper to fall in +love with Miss Stewart. The Duke and Lord Taaffe made each other the +confidants of their respective engagements; and these were the measures +they took to put their designs in execution. Little Mademoiselle de la +Gardet was charged to acquaint Miss Stewart that the Duke of Richmond +was dying of love for her, and that when he ogled her in public it was +a certain sign that he was ready to marry her, as soon as ever she would +consent. + +Taaffe had no commission to give the little ambassadress for Miss +Warmestre; for there everything was already arranged; but she was +charged to settle and provide some conveniences which were still wanting +for the freedom of their commerce, such as to have free egress and +regress to her at all hours of the day or night: this appeared difficult +to be obtained, but it was, however, at length accomplished. + +The governess of the maids of honour, who for the world would not have +connived at anything that was not fair and honourable, consented that +they should sup as often as they pleased in Miss Warmestre's apartments, +provided their intentions were honourable, and she one of the company. +The good old lady was particularly fond of green oysters, and had no +aversion to Spanish wine: she was certain of finding at every one of +these suppers two barrels of oysters; one to be eaten with the party, +and the other for her to carry away: as soon, therefore, as she had +taken her dose of wine, she took her leave of the company. + +It was much about the time that the Chevalier de Grammont had cast his +eyes upon Miss Warmestre, that this kind of life was led in her chamber. +God knows how many ham pies, bottles of wine, and other products of his +lordship's liberality were there consumed! + +In the midst of these nocturnal festivals, and of this innocent +commerce, a relation of Killegrew's came up to London about a lawsuit: +he gained his cause, but nearly lost his senses. + +He was a country gentleman, who had been a widower about six months, +and was possessed of fifteen or sixteen thousand pounds a-year: the good +man, who had no business at court, went thither merely to see his cousin +Killegrew, who could have dispensed with his visits. He there saw +Miss Warmestre; and at first sight fell in love with her. His passion +increased to such a degree that, having no rest either by day or night, +he was obliged to have recourse to extraordinary remedies; he therefore +early one morning called upon his cousin Killegrew, told him his case, +and desired him to demand Miss Warmestre in marriage for him. + +Killegrew was struck with wonder and astonishment when he heard his +design: nor could he cease wondering at what sort of creature, of all +the women in London, his cousin had resolved upon marrying. It was some +time before Killegrew could believe that he was in earnest; but when +he was convinced that he was, he began to enumerate the dangers and +inconveniences attending so rash an enterprise. He told him that a girl +educated at court, was a terrible piece of furniture for the country; +that to carry her thither against her inclination, would as effectually +rob him of his happiness and repose, as if he was transported to hell; +that if he consented to let her stay, he needed only to compute what +it would cost him in equipage, table, clothes, and gaming-money, to +maintain her in London according to her caprices; and then to cast up +how long his fifteen thousand a-year would last. + +His cousin had already formed this computation; but, finding his reason +less potent than his love, he remained fixed in his resolution; and +Killegrew, yielding at length to his importunities, went and offered +his cousin, bound hand and foot, to the victorious fair. As he dreaded +nothing more than a compliance on her part, so nothing could astonish +him more than the contempt with which she received his proposal. The +scorn with which she refused him, made him believe that she was sure of +Lord Taaffe, and wonder how a girl like her could find out two men who +would venture to marry her. He hastened to relate this refusal, with all +the most aggravating circumstances, as the best news he could carry +to his cousin; but his cousin would not believe him: he supposed that +Killegrew disguised the truth, for the same reasons he had already +alleged; and not daring to mention the matter any more to him, he +resolved to wait upon her himself. He summoned all his courage for +the enterprise, and got his compliment by heart; but as soon as he +had opened his mouth for the purpose, she told him he might have saved +himself the trouble of calling on her about such a ridiculous affair; +that she had already given her answer to Killegrew; and that she +neither had, nor ever should have, any other to give; which words she +accompanied with all the severity with which importunate demands are +usually refused. + +He was more affected than confounded at this repulse: everything became +odious to him in London, and he himself more so than all the rest: he +therefore left town, without taking leave of his cousin, went back to +his country seat, and thinking it would be impossible for him to live +without the inhuman fair, he resolved to neglect no opportunity in his +power to hasten his death. + +But whilst, in order to indulge his sorrow, he had forsaken all +intercourse with dogs and horses; that is to say, renounced all the +delights and endearments of a country squire, the scornful nymph, who +was certainly mistaken in her reckoning, took the liberty of being +brought to-bed in the face of the whole court. + +An adventure so public made no small noise, as we may very well +imagine: all the prudes at court at once broke loose upon it; and those +principally, whose age or persons secured them from any such scandal, +were the most inveterate, and cried most loudly for justice. But the +governess of the maids of honour, who might have been called to an +account for it, affirmed that it was nothing at all, and that she was +possessed of circumstances which would at once silence all censorious +tongues. She had an audience of the queen, in order to unfold the +mystery; and related to her majesty how everything had passed with her +consent, that is to say, upon honourable terms. + +The queen sent to inquire of Lord Taaffe, whether he acknowledged Miss +Warmestre for his wife: to which he most respectfully returned for +answer, that he neither acknowledged Miss Warmestre nor her child, +and that he wondered why she should rather father it upon him than any +other. The unfortunate Warmestre, more enraged at this answer than at +the loss of such a lover, quitted the court as soon as ever she was +able, with a resolution of quitting the world the first opportunity. + +Killegrew, being upon the point of setting out upon a journey, when this +adventure happened, thought he might as well call upon his afflicted +cousin in his way, to acquaint him with the circumstance; and as soon as +he saw him, without paying any attention to the delicacy of his love, +or to his feelings, he bluntly told him the whole story: nor did he omit +any colouring that could heighten his indignation, in order to make him +burst with shame and resentment. + +We read that the gentle Tiridates quietly expired upon the recital of +the death of Mariamne; but Killegrew's fond cousin falling devoutly +upon his knees, and lifting up his eyes to Heaven, poured forth this +exclamation: + +"Praised be the Lord for a small misfortune, which perhaps may prove +the comfort of my life! Who knows but the beauteous Warmestre will now +accept of me for a husband; and that I may have the happiness of passing +the remainder of my days with a woman I adore, and by whom I may expect +to have heirs?" "Certainly," said Killegrew, more confounded than his +cousin ought to have been on such an occasion, "you may depend upon +having both: I make no manner of doubt but she will marry you as soon +as ever she is recovered from her lying-in; and it would be a great +ill-nature in her, who already knows the way, to let you want children: +however, in the meantime I advise you to take that she has already, till +you get more." + +Notwithstanding this raillery, all that was said did take place. This +faithful lover courted her, as if she had been the chaste Lucretia, or +the beauteous Helen: his passion even increased after marriage, and +the generous fair, first out of gratitude, and afterwards through +inclination, never brought him a child of which he was not the father; +and though there have been many a happy couple in England, this +certainly was the happiest. + +Some time after, Miss Bellenden, not being terrified by this example, +had the prudence to quit the court before she was obliged so to do: the +disagreeable Bardou followed her soon after; but for different reasons. +Every person was at last completely tired of her saraband, as well as of +her face; and the king, that he might see neither of them any more, gave +each a small pension for her subsistence. There now only remained little +Mademoiselle de la Garde to be provided for neither her virtues nor +her vices were sufficiently conspicuous to occasion her being either +dismissed from court, or pressed to remain there: God knows what would +have become of her, if a Mr. Silvius, a man who had nothing of a Roman +in him except the name, had not taken the poor girl to be his wife. We +have now shown how all these damsels deserved to be expelled, either for +their irregularities, or for their ugliness; and yet, those who replaced +them found means to make them regretted, Miss Wells only excepted. + +She was a tall girl, exquisitely shaped: she dressed very genteel, +walked like a goddess; and yet, her face, though made like those that +generally please the most, was unfortunately one of those that pleased +the least: nature had spread over it a certain careless indolence that +made her look sheepish. This gave but a bad opinion of her wit: and +her wit had the ill-luck to make good that opinion: however, as she +was fresh coloured, and appeared inexperienced, the king, whom the fair +Stewart did not render over nice as to the perfections of the mind, +resolved to try whether the senses would not fare better with Miss +Wells's person than fine sentiments with her understanding: nor was this +experiment attended with much difficulty: she was of a loyal family; and +her father having faithfully served Charles the First, she thought it +her duty not to revolt against Charles the Second. But this connection +was not attended with very advantageous circumstances for herself; +some pretended that she did not hold out long enough, and that she +surrendered at discretion before she was vigorously attacked; and others +said, that his majesty complained of certain other facilities still +less pleasing. The Duke of Buckingham made a couplet upon this occasion, +wherein the king, speaking to Progers, the confidant of his intrigues, +puns upon the name of the fair one, to the following purport: + + When the king felt the horrible depth of this Well, + "Tell me, Progers," cried Charlie, "where am I? oh tell! + Had I sought the world's centre to find, I had found it, + But this Well! ne'er a plummet was made that could sound it." + + [Edward Progers, Esq., was a younger son of Philip Progers, Esq., of + the family of Garreddin, in Monmouthshire. His father was a colonel + in the army, and equerry to James I. Edward was early introduced to + court, and, after having been page to Charles I., was made groom of + the bed-chamber to his son, while Prince of Wales. He attached + himself to the king's interest during the war with the parliament, + with laudable fidelity. The following letter, from which + antiquaries may derive the minute information that Charles II. did + wear mourning for a whole year for his father, serves to shew the + familiar style which Charles used to Progers, as well as his + straitened circumstances while in the island of Jersey. + + "Progers, I wold have you (besides the embroidred sute) bring me a + plaine riding suite, with an innocent coate, the suites I haue for + horsebacke being so spotted and spoiled that they are not to be + seene out of this island. The lining of the coate, and the petit + toies are referred to your greate discretion, provided there want + nothing when it comes to be put on. I doe not remember there was a + belt, or a hat-band, in your directions for the embroidred suite, + and those are so necessarie as you must not forget them. + + "Jearsey, 14th Jan. old stile, 1649. + CHARLES R."] + +Miss Wells, notwithstanding this species of anagram upon her name, +and these remarks upon her person, shone the brightest among her new +companions. These were Miss Levingston, Miss Fielding, and Miss Boynton, +who little deserve to be mentioned in these memoirs; therefore we shall +leave them in obscurity until it please fortune to draw them out of it. + +This was the new establishment of maids of honour to the queen. The +Duchess of York, nearly about the same time, likewise recruited hers; +but showed, by a happier and more brilliant choice, that England +possessed an inexhaustible stock of beauties. But before we begin to +speak of them, let us see who were the first maids of honour to her +royal highness, and on what account they were removed. + +Besides Miss Blague and Miss Price, whom we have before mentioned, the +establishment was composed of Miss Bagot and Miss Hobart, the president +of the community. Miss Blague, who never knew the true reason of her +quarrel with the Marquis de Brisacier, took it up upon that fatal letter +she had received from him, wherein, without acquainting her that Miss +Price was to wear the same sort of gloves and yellow riband as herself, +he had only complimented her upon her hair, her fair complexion, and +her eyes marcassins. This word she imagined must signify something +particularly wonderful, since her eyes were compared to it; and +being desirous, some time afterwards, to know all the energy of the +expression, she asked the meaning of the French word marcassin. As there +are no wild boars in England, those to whom she addressed herself, told +her that it signified a young pig. This scandalous simile confirmed her +in the belief she entertained of his perfidy. Brisacier, more amazed at +her change, than she was offended at his supposed calumny, looked upon +her as a woman still more capricious than insignificant, and never +troubled himself more about her; but Sir Yarborough, of as fair a +complexion as herself, made her an offer of marriage in the height of +her resentment, and was accepted: chance made up this match, I suppose, +as an experiment to try what such a white-haired union would produce. + +Miss Price was witty; and as her person was not very likely to attract +many admirers, which, however, she was resolved to have, she was far +from being coy when an occasion offered: she did not so much as make +any terms: she was violent in her resentments, as well as in her +attachments, which had exposed her to some inconveniences; and she +had very indiscreetly quarrelled with a young girl whom Lord Rochester +admired. This connection, which till then had been a secret, she had the +imprudence to publish to the whole world, and thereby drew upon herself +the most dangerous enemy in the universe: never did any man write with +more ease, humour, spirit, and delicacy; but he was at the same time the +most severe satirist. + +Poor Miss Price, who had thus voluntarily provoked his resentment, was +daily exposed in some new shape: there was every day some new song or +other, the subject of which was her conduct, and the burden her name. +How was it possible for her to bear up against these attacks, in a +court, where every person was eager to obtain the most insignificant +trifle that came from the pen of Lord Rochester? The loss of her lover, +and the discovery that attended it, was only wanting to complete the +persecution that was raised against her. + +About this time died Dongan, a gentleman of merit, who was succeeded by +Durfort, afterwards Earl of Feversham, in the post of lieutenant of +the duke's life guards. Miss Price having tenderly loved him, his death +plunged her into a gulf of despair; but the inventory of his effects had +almost deprived her of her senses: there was in it a certain little +box sealed up on all sides: it was addressed in the deceased's own +handwriting to Miss Price; but instead of receiving it, she had not +even the courage to look upon it. The governess thought it became her in +prudence to receive it, on Miss Price's refusal, and her duty to deliver +it to the duchess herself, supposing it was filled with many curious and +precious commodities, of which perhaps she might make some advantage. +Though the duchess was not altogether of the same opinion, she had the +curiosity to see what was contained in a box sealed up in a manner +so particularly careful, and therefore caused it to be opened in the +presence of some ladies, who happened then to be in her closet. + +All kinds of love trinkets were found in it; and all these favours, it +appeared, came from the tender-hearted Miss Price. It was difficult +to comprehend how a single person could have furnished so great a +collection; for, besides counting the pictures, there was hair of all +descriptions, wrought into bracelets, lockets, and into a thousand other +different devices, wonderful to see. After these were three or four +packets of letters, of so tender a nature, and so full of raptures and +languors so naturally expressed, that the duchess could not endure the +reading of any more than the two first. + +Her royal highness was sorry that she had caused the box to be opened in +such good company; for being before such witnesses, she rightly judged +it was impossible to stifle this adventure; and, at the same time, there +being no possibility of retaining any longer such a maid of honour, Miss +Price had her valuables restored to her, with orders to go and finish +her lamentations, or to console herself for the loss of her lover, in +some other place. + +Miss Hobart's character was at that time as uncommon in England, as her +person was singular, in a country where, to be young, and not to be in +some degree handsome, is a reproach; she had a good shape, rather a bold +air, and a great deal of wit, which was well cultivated, without having +much discretion. She was likewise possessed of a great deal of vivacity, +with an irregular fancy: there was a great deal of fire in her eyes, +which, however, produced no effect upon the beholders and she had a +tender heart, whose sensibility some pretended was alone in favour of +the fair sex. + +Miss Bagot was the first that gained her tenderness and affection, which +she returned at first with equal warmth and sincerity; but perceiving +that all her friendship was insufficient to repay that of Miss Hobart, +she yielded the conquest to the governess's niece, who thought herself +as much honoured by it as her aunt thought herself obliged by the care +she took of the young girl. + +It was not long before the report, whether true or false, of this +singularity, spread through the whole court, where people, being yet so +uncivilized as never to have heard of that kind of refinement in love +of ancient Greece, imagined that the illustrious Hobart, who seemed so +particularly attached to the fair sex, was in reality something more +than she appeared to be. + +Satirical ballads soon began to compliment her upon these new +attributes; and upon the insinuations that were therein made, her +companions began to fear her. The governess, alarmed at these reports, +consulted Lord Rochester upon the danger to which her niece was exposed. +She could not have applied to a fitter person: he immediately advised +her to take her niece out of the hands of Miss Hobart; and contrived +matters so well that she fell into his own. The duchess, who had too +much generosity not to treat as visionary what was imputed to Miss +Hobart, and too much justice to condemn her upon the faith of lampoons, +removed her from the society of the maids of honour, to be an attendant +upon her own person. + +Miss Bagot was the only one who was really possessed of virtue and +beauty among these maids of honour: she had beautiful and regular +features, and that sort of brown complexion, which, when in perfection, +is so particularly fascinating, and more especially in England, where it +is uncommon. There was an involuntary blush almost continually upon her +cheek, without having anything to blush for. Lord Falmouth cast his eyes +upon her: his addresses were better received than those of Miss Hobart, +and some time after Cupid raised her from the post of maid of honour +to the duchess to a rank which might have been envied by all the young +ladies in England. + +The Duchess of York, in order to form her new court, resolved to see all +the young persons that offered themselves, and, without any regard to +recommendations, to choose none but the handsomest. + +At the head of this new assembly appeared Miss Jennings and Miss Temple; +and indeed they so entirely eclipsed the other two, that we shall speak +of them only. + +Miss Jennings, adorned with all the blooming treasures of youth, had the +fairest and brightest complexion that ever was seen: her hair was of +a most beauteous flaxen: there was something particularly lively and +animated in her countenance, which preserved her from that insipidity +which is frequently an attendant on a complexion so extremely fair. +Her mouth was not the smallest, but it was the handsomest mouth in the +world. Nature had endowed her with all those charms which cannot be +expressed, and the graces had given the finishing stroke to them. The +turn of her face was exquisitely fine, and her swelling neck was as +fair and as bright as her face. In a word, her person gave the idea of +Aurora, or the goddess of the spring, "such as youthful poets fancy when +they love." But as it would have been unjust that a single person should +have engrossed all the treasures of beauty without any defect, there +was something wanting in her hands and arms to render them worthy of the +rest: her nose was not the most elegant, and her eyes gave some relief, +whilst her mouth and her other charms pierced the heart with a thousand +darts. + +With this amiable person she was full of wit and sprightliness, and all +her actions and motions were unaffected and easy: her conversation was +bewitching, when she had a mind to please; piercing and delicate when +disposed to raillery; but as her imagination was subject to flights, +and as she began to speak frequently before she had done thinking, her +expressions did not always convey what she wished; sometimes exceeding, +and at others falling short of her ideas. + +Miss Temple, nearly of the same age, was brown compared with the other: +she had a good shape, fine teeth, languishing, eyes, a fresh complexion, +an agreeable smile, and a lively air. Such was the outward form; but it +would be difficult to describe the rest; for she was simple and vain, +credulous and suspicious, coquettish and prudent, very self-sufficient +and very silly. + +As soon as these new stars appeared at the duchess's court, all eyes +were fixed upon them, and every one formed some design upon one or other +of them, some with honourable, and others with dishonest intentions. +Miss Jennings soon distinguished herself, and left her companions no +other admirers but such as remained constant from hopes of success: her +brilliant charms attracted at first sight, and the charms of her wit +secured her conquests. + +The Duke of York having persuaded himself that she was part of his +property, resolved to pursue his claim by the same title whereby his +brother had appropriated to himself the favours of Miss Wells; but he +did not find her inclined to enter into his service, though she had +engaged in that of the duchess. She would not pay any attention to the +perpetual ogling with which he at first attacked her. Her eyes were +always wandering on other objects, when those of his royal highness were +looking for them; and if by chance he caught any casual glance, she did +not even blush. This made him resolve to change his manner of attack: +ogling having proved ineffectual, he took an opportunity to speak to +her; and this was still worse. I know not in what strain he told +his case; but it is certain the oratory of the tongue was not more +prevailing than the eloquence of his eyes. + +Miss Jennings had both virtue and pride, and the proposals of the duke +were consistent with neither the one nor the other. Although from +her great vivacity one might suppose that she was not capable of much +reflection, yet she had furnished herself with some very salutary maxims +for the conduct of a young person of her age. The first was, that a +lady ought to be young to enter the court with advantage, and not old +to leave it with a good grace: that she could not maintain herself there +but by a glorious resistance, or by illustrious foibles and that, in +so dangerous a situation, she ought to use her utmost endeavours not to +dispose of her heart until she gave her hand. + +Entertaining such sentiments, she had far less trouble to resist the +duke's temptations, than to disengage herself from his perseverance: she +was deaf to all treaties for a settlement, with which her ambition was +sounded: and all offers of presents succeeded still worse. What was then +to be done to conquer an extravagant virtue that would not hearken to +reason? He was ashamed to suffer a giddy young girl to escape, whose +inclinations ought in some manner to correspond with the vivacity that +shone forth in all her actions, and who nevertheless thought proper to +be serious when no such thing as seriousness was required of her. + +After he had attentively considered her obstinate behaviour, he thought +that writing might perhaps succeed, though ogling, speeches, and +embassies had failed. Paper receives everything, but it unfortunately +happened that she would not receive the paper. Every day billets, +containing the tenderest expressions, and most magnificent promises, +were slipped into her pockets, or into her muff: this, however, could +not be done unperceived; and the malicious little gipsy took care that +those who saw them slip in, should likewise see them fall out, unperused +and unopened; she only shook her muff, or pulled out her handkerchief; +as soon as ever his back was turned, his billets fell about her like +hail-stones, and whoever pleased might take them up. The duchess was +frequently a witness of this conduct, but could not find in her heart +to chide her for her want of respect to the duke. After this, the charms +and prudence of Miss Jennings were the only subjects of conversation in +the two courts: the courtiers could not comprehend how a young creature, +brought directly from the country to court, should so soon become its +ornament by her attractions, and its example by her conduct. + +The king was of opinion that those who had attacked her had +ill-concerted their measures; for he thought it unnatural that she +should neither be tempted by promises, nor gained by importunity: she, +especially, who in all probability had not imbibed such severe precepts +from the prudence of her mother, who had never tasted any thing more +delicious than the plums and apricots of Saint Albans. Being resolved to +try her himself, he was particularly pleased with the great novelty that +appeared in the turn of her wit, and in the charms of her person; +and curiosity, which at first induced him to make the trial, was soon +changed into a desire of succeeding in the experiment. God knows what +might have been the consequence, for he greatly excelled in wit, and +besides he was king: two qualities of no small consideration. The +resolutions of the fair Jennings were commendable, and very judicious; +but yet she was wonderfully pleased with wit; and royal majesty +prostrate at the feet of a young person, is very persuasive. Miss +Stewart, however, would not consent to the king's project. + +She immediately took the alarm, and desired his majesty to leave to the +duke, his brother, the care of tutoring the duchess's maids of honour, +and only to attend to the management of his own flock, unless his +majesty would in return allow her to listen to certain proposals of a +settlement which she did not think disadvantageous. This menace being +of a serious nature, the king obeyed; and Miss Jennings had all the +additional honour which arose from this adventure: it both added to her +reputation, and increased the number of her admirers. Thus she continued +to triumph over the liberties of others without ever losing her own: her +hour was not yet come, but it was not far distant; the particulars +of which we shall relate as soon as we have given some account of the +conduct of her companion. + +Though Miss Temple's person was particularly engaging, it was +nevertheless eclipsed by that of Miss Jennings; but she was still more +excelled by the other's superior mental accomplishments. Two persons, +very capable to impart understanding, had the gift been communicable, +undertook at the same time to rob her of the little she really +possessed: these were Lord Rochester and Miss Hobart: the first began to +mislead her by reading to her all his compositions, as if she alone had +been a proper judge of them. He never thought proper to flatter her upon +her personal accomplishments; but told her that if heaven had made +him susceptible of the impressions of beauty, it would not have been +possible for him to have escaped her chains; but not being, thank God, +affected with anything but wit, he had the happiness of enjoying the +most agreeable conversation in the world without running any risk. After +so sincere a confession he either presented to her a copy of verses, or +a new song, in which whoever dared to come in competition in any respect +with Miss Temple was laid prostrate before her charms, most humbly to +solicit pardon: such flattering insinuations so completely turned her +head that it was a pity to see her. + +The duchess took notice of it, and well knowing the extent of both their +geniuses, she saw the precipice into which the poor girl was running +headlong without perceiving it; but as it is no less dangerous to forbid +a connection that is not yet thought of, than it is difficult to put an +end to one that is already well established, Miss Hobart was charged to +take care, with all possible discretion, that these frequent and long +conversations might not be attended with any dangerous consequences: +with pleasure she accepted the commission, and greatly flattered herself +with success. + +She had already made all necessary advances to gain possession of her +confidence and friendship; and Miss Temple, less suspicious of her +than of Lord Rochester, made all imaginable returns. She was greedy of +praise, and loved all manner of sweetmeats, as much as a child of nine +or ten years old: her taste was gratified in both these respects. Miss +Hobart having the superintendence of the duchess's baths, her apartment +joined them, in which there was a closet stored with all sorts of +sweetmeats and liqueurs: the closet suited Miss Temple's taste, as +exactly as it gratified Miss Hobart's inclination, to have something +that could allure her. + +Summer, being now returned, brought back with it the pleasures and +diversions that are its inseparable attendants. One day, when the ladies +had been taking the air on horseback, Miss Temple, on her return from +riding, alighted at Miss Hobart's, in order to recover her fatigue at +the expense of the sweetmeats, which she knew were there at her service; +but before she began she desired Miss Hobart's permission to undress +herself, and change her linen in her apartment; which request was +immediately complied with: "I was just going to propose it to you," +said Miss Hobart, "not but that you are as charming as an angel in your +riding habit; but there is nothing so comfortable as a loose dress, and +being at one's ease: you cannot imagine, my dear Temple," continued +she, embracing her, "how much you oblige me by thus free unceremonious +conduct; but, above all, I am enchanted with your particular attention +to cleanliness: how greatly you differ in this, as in many other things, +from that silly creature Jennings! Have you remarked how all our court +fops admire her for her brilliant complexion, which perhaps, after all, +is not wholly her own; and for blunders, which are truly original, and +which they are such fools as to mistake for wit: I have not conversed +with her long enough to perceive in what her wit consists; but of this +I am certain, that if it is not better than her feet, it is no great +matter. What stories have I heard of her sluttishness! No cat ever +dreaded water so much as she does: fie upon her! Never to wash for her +own comfort, and only to attend to those parts which must necessarily be +seen, such as the neck and hands." + +Miss Temple swallowed all this with even greater pleasure than the +sweetmeats; and the officious Hobart, not to lose time, was helping her +off with her clothes, while the chambermaid was coming. She made some +objections to this at first, being unwilling to occasion that trouble +to a person, who, like Miss Hobart, had been advanced to a place of +dignity; but she was overruled by her, and assured that it was with +the greatest pleasure she showed her that small mark of civility. The +collation being finished, and Miss Temple undressed: "Let us retire," +said Miss Hobart, "to the bathing closet, where we may enjoy a little +conversation secure from any impertinent visit." Miss Temple consented, +and both of them sitting down on a couch: "You are too young, my dear +Temple," said she, "to know the baseness of men in general, and too +short a time acquainted with the court to know the character of its +inhabitants. I will give you a short sketch of the principal persons, to +the best of my knowledge, without injury to any one; for I abominate the +trade of scandal. + +"In the first place, then, you ought to set it down as an undoubted +fact that all courtiers are deficient either in honesty, good sense, +judgment, wit, or sincerity; that is to say, if any of them by chance +possess some one of these qualities, you may depend upon it he is +defective in the rest: sumptuous in their equipages, deep play, a great +opinion of their own merit, and contempt of that of others, are their +chief characteristics. + +"Interest or pleasure are the motives of all their actions: those who +are led by the first would sell God Almighty, as Judas sold his Master, +and that for less money. I could relate you a thousand noble instances +of this, if I had time. As for the sectaries of pleasure, or those who +pretend to be such, for they are not all so bad as they endeavour to +make themselves appear, these gentlemen pay no manner of regard either +to promises, oaths, law, or religion; that is to say, they are literally +no respecters of persons; they care neither for God nor man, if they can +but gain their ends. They look upon maids of honour only as amusements, +placed expressly at court for their entertainment; and the more merit +any one has, the more she is exposed to their impertinence, if she gives +any ear to them; and to their malicious calumnies, when she ceases to +attend to them. As for husbands, this is not the place to find them; for +unless money or caprice make up the match, there is but little hopes +of being married: virtue and beauty in this respect here are equally +useless. Lady Falmouth is the only instance of a maid of honour well +married without a portion; and if you were to ask her poor weak husband +for what reason he married her, I am persuaded that he can assign none, +unless it be her great red ears and broad feet. As for the pale Lady +Yarborough, who appeared so proud of her match, she is wife, to be sure, +of a great country bumpkin, who, the very week after their marriage, bid +her take her farewell of the town for ever, in consequence of five or +six thousand pounds a year he enjoys on the borders of Cornwall. Alas! +poor Miss Blague! I saw her go away about this time twelvemonth, in a +coach with four such lean horses, that I cannot believe she is yet half +way to her miserable little castle. What can be the matter! all the +girls seem afflicted with the rage of wedlock, and however small +their portion of charms may be, they think it only necessary to show +themselves at court in order to pick and choose their men: but was this +in reality the case, the being a wife is the most wretched condition +imaginable for a person of nice sentiments. Believe me, my dear Temple, +the pleasures of matrimony are so inconsiderable in comparison with its +inconveniences, that I cannot imagine how any reasonable creature can +resolve upon it: rather fly, therefore, from this irksome engagement +than court it. Jealousy, formerly a stranger to these happy isles, is +now coming into fashion, with many recent examples of which you are +acquainted. However brilliant the phantom may appear, suffer not +yourself to be caught by its splendour, and never be so weak as to +transform your slave into your tyrant: as long as you preserve your own +liberty, you will be mistress of that of others. I will relate to you a +very recent proof of the perfidy of man to our sex, and of the impunity +they experience in all attempts upon our innocence. The Earl of Oxford +fell in love with a handsome, graceful actress belonging to the duke's +theatre, who performed to perfection, particularly the part of Roxana, +in a very fashionable new play, insomuch that she ever after retained +that name: this creature being both very virtuous and very modest, or, +if you please, wonderfully obstinate, proudly rejected the addresses and +presents of the Earl of Oxford. This resistance inflamed his passion: +he had recourse to invectives, and even to spells; but all in vain. This +disappointment had such effect upon him that he could neither eat nor +drink; this did not signify to him; but his passion at length became so +violent, that he could neither play nor smoke. In this extremity love +had recourse to Hymen; the Earl of Oxford, one of the first peers of +the realm, is, you know, a very handsome man: he is of the order of the +garter, which greatly adds to an air naturally noble. In short, from his +outward appearance, you would suppose he was really possessed of +some sense; but as soon as ever you hear him speak, you are perfectly +convinced of the contrary. This passionate lover presented her with a +promise of marriage, in due form, signed with his own hand: she would +not, however, rely upon this, but the next day she thought there could +be no danger, when the earl himself came to her lodgings attended by a +clergyman, and another man for a witness: the marriage was accordingly +solemnized with all due ceremonies, in the presence of one of her +fellow players, who attended as a witness on her part. You will suppose, +perhaps, that the new countess had nothing to do but to appear at court +according to her rank, and to display the earl's arms upon her carriage. +This was far from being the case. When examination was made concerning +the marriage, it was found to be a mere deception: it appeared that the +pretended priest was one of my lord's trumpeters, and the witness his +kettle drummer. The parson and his companion never appeared after the +ceremony was over; and as for the other witness, they endeavoured to +persuade her that the Sultana Roxana might have supposed, in some +part or other of a play, that she was really married. It was all to no +purpose, that the poor creature claimed the protection of the laws of +God and man, both which were violated and abused, as well as herself, +by this infamous imposition: in vain did she throw herself at the King's +feet to demand justice: she had only to rise up again without redress; +and happy might she think herself to receive an annuity of one thousand +crowns, and to resume the name of Roxana, instead of Countess of Oxford. +You will say, perhaps, that she was only a player; that all men have +not the same sentiments as the earl; and, that one may at least believe +them, when they do but render justice to such merit as yours. But still +do not believe them, though I know you are liable to it, as you have +admirers; for all are not infatuated with Miss Jennings: the handsome +Sydney ogles you; Lord Rochester is delighted with your conversation; +and the most serious Sir Lyttleton forsakes his natural gravity in +favour of your charms. As for the first, I confess his figure is very +likely to engage the inclinations of a young person like yourself; but +were his outward form attended with other accomplishments, which I know +it is not, and that his sentiments in your favour were as real as he +endeavours to persuade you they are, and as you deserve, yet I would not +advise you to form any connections with him, for reasons which I cannot +tell you at present. + +"Sir Lyttleton is undoubtedly in earnest, since he appears ashamed of +the condition to which you have reduced him; and I really believe if he +could get the better of those vulgar chimerical apprehensions, of being +what is vulgarly called a cuckold, the good man would marry you, and you +would be his representative in his little government, where you might +merrily pass your days in casting up the weekly bills of housekeeping, +and in darning old napkins. What a glory would it be to have a Cato for +a husband, whose speeches are as many lectures, and whose lectures are +composed of nothing but ill-nature and censure! + +"Lord Rochester is, without contradiction, the most witty man in all +England; but then he is likewise the most unprincipled, and devoid even +of the least tincture of honour; he is dangerous to our sex alone; and +that to such a degree that there is not a woman who gives ear to him +three times, but she irretrievably loses her reputation. No woman can +escape him, for he has her in his writings, though his other attacks be +ineffectual; and in the age we live in, the one is as bad as the other +in the eye of the public. In the mean time nothing is more dangerous +than the artful insinuating manner with which he gains possession of +the mind: he applauds your taste, submits to your sentiments, and at the +very instant that he himself does not believe a single word of what he +is saying, he makes you believe it all. I dare lay a wager, that from +the conversation you have had with him, you thought him one of the most +honourable and sincerest men living; for my part I cannot imagine what +he means by the assiduity he pays you not but your accomplishments are +sufficient to excite the adoration and praise of the whole world; but +had he even been so fortunate as to have gained your affections, he +would not know what to do with the loveliest creature at court: for it +is a long time since his debauches have brought him to order, with the +assistance of the favours of all the common street-walkers. See then, my +dear Temple, what horrid malice possesses him, to the ruin and confusion +of innocence! A wretch! to have no other design in his addresses and +assiduities to Miss Temple, but to give a greater air of probability +to the calumnies with which he has loaded her. You look upon me with +astonishment, and seem to doubt the truth of what I advance; but I do +not desire you to believe me without evidence: 'Here,' said she, drawing +a paper out of her pocket, 'see what a copy of verses he has made +in your praise, while he lulls your credulity to rest, by flattering +speeches and feigned respect.'" + +After saying this, the perfidious Hobart showed her half-a-dozen +couplets full of strained invective and scandal, which Rochester had +made against the former maids of honour. This severe and cutting lampoon +was principally levelled against Miss Price, whose person he took to +pieces in the most frightful and hideous manner imaginable. Miss Hobart +had substituted the name of Temple instead of Price, which she made +to agree both with the measure and tune of the song. This effectually +answered Hobart's intentions: the credulous Temple no sooner heard her +sing the lampoon, but she firmly believed it to be made upon herself; +and in the first transports of her rage, having nothing so much at heart +as to give the lie to the fictions of the poet: "Ah! as for this, my +dear Hobart," said she, "I can bear it no longer: I do not pretend to be +so handsome as some others; but as for the defects that villain charges +me with, I dare say, my dear Hobart, there is no woman more free from +them: we are alone, and I am almost inclined to convince you by ocular +demonstration." Miss Hobart was too complaisant to oppose this motion; +but, although she soothed her mind by extolling all her beauties, in +opposition to Lord Rochester's song, Miss Temple was almost driven +to distraction by rage and astonishment, that the first man she ever +attended to should, in his conversation with her, not even make use of a +single word of truth, but that he should likewise have the unparalleled +cruelty falsely to accuse her of defects; and not being able to find +words capable of expressing her anger and resentment, she began to weep +like a child. + +Miss Hobart used all her endeavours to comfort her, and chid her for +being so much hurt with the invectives of a person whose scandalous +impostures were too well known to make any impression: she however +advised her never to speak to him any more, for that was the only method +to disappoint his designs; that contempt and silence were, on such +occasions, much preferable to any explanation, and that if he could once +obtain a hearing, he would be justified, but she would be ruined. + +Miss Hobart was not wrong in giving her this counsel: she knew that an +explanation would betray her, and that there would be no quarter for +her if Lord Rochester had so fair an opportunity of renewing his former +panegyrics upon her; but her precaution was in vain: this conversation +had been heard from one end to the other, by the governess's niece, who +was blessed with a most faithful memory; and having that very day an +appointment with Lord Rochester, she conned it over three or four times, +that she might not forget one single word, when she should have the +honour of relating it to her lover. We shall show in the next chapter, +what were the consequences resulting from it. + + + + +CHAPTER TENTH. OTHER LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT + + +The conversation before related was agreeable only to Miss Hobart; for +if Miss Temple was entertained with its commencement, she was so much +the more irritated by its conclusion this indignation was succeeded by +the curiosity of knowing the reason why, if Sidney had a real esteem for +her, she should not be allowed to pay some attention to him. + +As soon as they retired from the closet, Miss Sarah came out of the +bath, where during all this conversation, she had been almost perished +with cold, without daring to complain. This little gipsy had, it seems, +obtained leave of Miss Hobart's woman to bathe herself unknown to her +mistress; and having, I know not how, found means to fill one of the +baths with cold water, Miss Sarah had just got into it, when they +were both alarmed with the arrival of the other two. A glass partition +enclosed the room where the baths were, and Indian silk curtains, which +drew on the inside, screened those that were bathing. Miss Hobart's +chamber-maid had only just time to draw these curtains, that the girl +might not be seen to lock the partition door, and to take away the key, +before her mistress and Miss Temple came in. + +These two sat down on a couch placed along the partition, and Miss +Sarah, notwithstanding her alarms, had distinctly heard, and perfectly +retained the whole conversation. As the little girl was at all this +trouble to make herself clean, only on Lord Rochester's account, as +soon as ever she could make her escape she regained her garret; where +Rochester, having repaired thither at the appointed hour, was fully +informed of all that had passed in the bathing room. He was astonished +at the audacious temerity of Hobart, in daring to put such a trick upon +him; but, though he rightly judged that love and jealousy were the real +motives, he would not excuse her. Little Sarah desired to know whether +he had a real affection for Miss Temple, as Miss Hobart said she +supposed that was the case. "Can you doubt it," replied he, "since that +oracle of sincerity has affirmed it? But then you know that I am not now +capable of profiting by my perfidy, were I even to gain Miss Temple's +compliance, since my debauches and the street-walkers have brought me to +order." + +This answer made Miss Sarah very easy, for she concluded that the first +article was not true, since she knew from experience that the latter +was false. Lord Rochester was resolved that very evening to attend the +duchess's court, to see what reception he would meet with after the fine +portrait Miss Hobart had been so kind as to draw of him. Miss Temple did +not fail to be there likewise, with the intention of looking on him with +the most contemptuous disdain possible, though she had taken care to +dress herself as well as she could. As she supposed that the lampoon +Miss Hobart had sung to her was in everybody's possession, she was under +great embarrassment lest all those whom she met should think her such +a monster as Lord Rochester had described her. In the mean time, Miss +Hobart, who had not much confidence in her promises never more to speak +to him, narrowly watched her. Miss Temple never in her life appeared so +handsome every person complimented her upon it; but she received all +the civilities with such an air, that every one thought she was mad; for +when they commended her shape, her fresh complexion, and the brilliancy +of her eyes: "Pshaw," said she, "it is very well known that I am but a +monster, and formed in no respect like other women: all is not gold +that glisters; and though I may receive some compliments in public, it +signifies nothing." All Miss Hobart's endeavours to stop her tongue were +ineffectual; and continuing to rail at herself ironically, the whole +court was puzzled to comprehend her meaning. + +When Lord Rochester came in, she first blushed, then turned pale, made +a motion to go towards him, drew back again, pulled her gloves one +after the other up to the elbow; and after having three times violently +flirted her fan, she waited until he paid his compliments to her as +usual, and as soon as he began to bow, the fair one immediately turned +her back upon him. Rochester only smiled, and being resolved that her +resentment should be still more remarked, he turned round and posting +himself face to face: "Madam," said he, "nothing can be so glorious as +to look so charming as you do, after such a fatiguing day: to support +a ride of three long hours, and Miss Hobart afterwards, without being +tired, shows indeed a very strong constitution." + +Miss Temple had naturally a tender look, but she was transported with +such a violent passion at his having the audacity to speak to her, that +her eyes appeared like two fireballs when she turned them upon him. +Hobart pinched her arm, as she perceived that this look was likely to be +followed by a torrent of reproaches and invectives. + +Lord Rochester did not wait for them, and delaying until another +opportunity the acknowledgments he owed Miss Hobart, he quietly retired. +The latter, who could not imagine that he knew anything of their +conversation at the bath, was, however, much alarmed at what he had +said; but Miss Temple, almost choked with the reproaches with which she +thought herself able to confound him and which she had not time to give +vent to, vowed to ease her mind of them upon the first opportunity, +notwithstanding the promise she had made; but never more to speak to him +afterwards. + +Lord Rochester had a faithful spy near these nymphs: this was Miss +Sarah, who, by his advice, and with her aunt's consent, was reconciled +with Miss Hobart, the more effectually to betray her: he was informed by +this spy, that Miss Hobart's maid, being suspected of having listened +to them in the closet, had been turned away; that she had taken another, +whom in all probability, she would not keep long, because, in the first +place, she was ugly, and, in the second, she eat the sweetmeats that +were prepared for Miss Temple. Although this intelligence was not +very material, Sarah was nevertheless praised for her punctuality +and attention; and a few days afterwards she brought him news of real +importance. + +Rochester was by her informed, that Miss Hobart and her new favourite +designed, about nine o'clock in the evening to walk in the Mall, in +the Park; that they were to change clothes with each other, to put on +scarfs, and wear black-masks: she added, that Miss Hobart had strongly +opposed this project, but that she was obliged to give way at last, Miss +Temple having resolved to indulge her fancy. + +Upon the strength of this intelligence, Rochester concerted his +measures: he went to Killegrew, complained to him of the trick which +Miss Hobart had played him, and desired his assistance in order to be +revenged: this was readily granted, and having acquainted him with the +measures he intended to pursue, and given him the part he was to act in +this adventure, they went to the Mall. + +Presently after appeared our two nymphs in masquerade: their shapes were +not very different, and their faces, which were very unlike each other, +were concealed with their masks. The company was but thin in the Park; +and as soon as Miss Temple perceived them at a distance, she quickened +her pace in order to join them, with the design, under her disguise, +severely to reprimand the perfidious Rochester; when Miss Hobart +stopping her: "Where are you running to?" said she; "have you a mind to +engage in conversation with these two devils, to be exposed to all +the insolence and impertinence for which they are so notorious?" These +remonstrances were entirely useless: Miss Temple was resolved to try the +experiment: and all that could be obtained from her, was, not to answer +any of the questions Rochester might ask her. + +They were accosted just as they had done speaking: Rochester fixed +upon Hobart, pretending to take her for the other; at which she was +overjoyed; but Miss Temple was extremely sorry she fell to Killegrew's +share, with whom she had nothing to do: he perceived her uneasiness, +and, pretending to know her by her clothes: "Ah! Miss Hobart," said he, +"be so kind as look this way if you please: I know not by what chance +you both came hither, but I am sure it is very apropos for you, since I +have something to say to you, as your friend and humble servant." + +This beginning raising her curiosity, Miss Temple appeared more inclined +to attend him; and Killegrew perceiving that the other couple had +insensibly proceeded some distance from them: "In the name of God," said +he: "what do you mean by railing so against Lord Rochester, whom +you know to be one of the most honourable men at court, and whom you +nevertheless described as the greatest villain, to the person whom of +all others he esteems and respects the most? What do you think would +become of you, if he knew that you made Miss Temple believe she is the +person alluded to in a certain song, which you know as well as myself +was made upon the clumsy Miss Price, above a year before the fair Temple +was heard of? Be not surprised that I know so much of the matter; but +pay a little attention, I pray you, to what I am now going to tell you +out of pure friendship: your passion and inclinations for Miss Temple +are known to every one but herself; for whatever methods you used to +impose upon her innocence, the world does her the justice to believe +that she would treat you as Lady Falmouth did, if the poor girl knew +the wicked designs you had upon her: I caution you, therefore, against +making any farther advances, to a person, too modest to listen to them: +I advise you likewise to take back your maid again, in order to silence +her scandalous tongue; for she says everywhere, that she is with child, +that you are the occasion of her being in that condition, and accuses +you of behaving towards her with the blackest ingratitude, upon trifling +suspicions only: you know very well, these are no stories of my own +invention; but that you may not entertain any manner of doubt, that I +had all this from her own mouth, she has told me your conversation in +the bathing-room, the characters you there drew of the principal men at +court, your artful malice in applying so improperly a scandalous song +to one of the loveliest women in all England; and in what manner the +innocent girl fell into the snare you had laid for her, in order to +do justice to her charms. But that which might be of the most fatal +consequences to you in that long conversation, is the revealing certain +secrets, which, in all probability, the duchess did not entrust you +with, to be imparted to the maids of honour: reflect upon this, and +neglect not to make some reparation to Sir Lyttleton, for the ridicule +with which you were pleased to load him. I know not whether he had his +information from your femme-de-chambre, but I am very certain that he +has sworn he will be revenged, and he is a man that keeps his word; +for after all, that you may not be deceived by his look, like that of a +Stoic, and his gravity, like that of a judge, I must acquaint you, that +he is the most passionate man living. Indeed, these invectives are of +the blackest and most horrible nature: he says it is most infamous, that +a wretch like yourself should find no other employment than to blacken +the characters of gentlemen, to gratify your jealousy; that if you +do not desist from such conduct for the future, he will immediately +complain of you; and that if her royal highness will not do him justice, +he is determined to do himself justice, and to run you through the body +with his own sword, though you were even in the arms of Miss Temple; and +that it is most scandalous that all the maids of honour should get into +your hands before they can look around them. + +"These things, madam, I thought it my duty to acquaint you with: you are +better able to judge than myself, whether what I have now advanced be +true, and I leave it to your own discretion to make what use you think +proper of my advice; but were I in your situation, I would endeavour to +reconcile Lord Rochester and Miss Temple. Once more I recommend to you +to take care that your endeavours to mislead her innocency, in order +to blast his honour, may not come to his knowledge; and do not estrange +from her a man who tenderly loves her, and whose probity is so great, +that he would not even suffer his eyes to wander towards her, if his +intention was not to make her his wife." + +Miss Temple observed her promise most faithfully during this discourse: +she did not even utter a single syllable, being seized with such +astonishment and confusion, that she quite lost the use of her tongue. + +Miss Hobart and Lord Rochester came up to her, while she was still +in amazement at the wonderful discoveries she had made; things in +themselves, in her opinion, almost incredible, but to the truth of +which she could not refuse her assent, upon examining the evidences and +circumstances on which they were founded. Never was confusion equal to +that with which her whole frame was seized by the foregoing recital. + +Rochester and Killegrew took leave of them before she recovered from her +surprise; but as soon as she had regained the free use of her senses, +she hastened back to St. James, without answering a single question that +the other put to her; and having locked herself up in her chamber, the +fast thing she did, was immediately to strip off Miss Hobart's clothes, +lest she should be contaminated by them; for after what she had been +told concerning her, she looked upon her as a monster, dreadful to the +innocence of the fair sex, of whatever sex she might be: she blushed at +the familiarities she had been drawn into with a creature, whose maid +was with child, though she never had been in any other service but hers: +she therefore returned her all her clothes, ordered her servant to bring +back all her own, and resolved never more to have any connection with +her. Miss Hobart, on the other hand, who supposed Killegrew had mistaken +Miss Temple for herself, could not comprehend what could induce her to +give herself such surprising airs, since that conversation; but being +desirous to come to an explanation, she ordered Miss Temple's maid to +remain in her apartments, and went to call upon Miss Temple herself, +instead of sending back her clothes; and being desirous to give her some +proof of friendship before they entered upon expostulations, she slipt +softly into her chamber, when she was in the very act of changing her +linen, and embraced her. Miss Temple finding herself in her arms before +she had taken notice of her, everything that Killegrew had mentioned, +appeared to her imagination: she fancied that she saw in her looks +the eagerness of a satyr, or, if possible, of some monster still more +odious; and disengaging herself with the highest indignation from her +arms, she began to shriek and cry in the most terrible manner, calling +both heaven and earth to her assistance. + +The first whom her cries raised were the governess and her niece. It +was near twelve o'clock at night: Miss Temple in her shift, almost +frightened to death, was pushing back with horror Miss Hobart, who +approached her with no other intent than to know the occasion of those +transports. As soon as the governess saw this scene, she began to +lecture Miss Hobart with all the eloquence of a real duenna: she +demanded of her, whether she thought it was for her that her royal +highness kept the maids of honour? whether she was not ashamed to come +at such an unseasonable time of night into their very apartments to +commit such violences? and swore that she would, the very next day, +complain to the duchess. All this confirmed Miss Temple in her mistaken +notions: and Hobart was obliged to go away at last, without being able +to convince or bring to reason creatures, whom she believed to be either +distracted or mad. The next day Miss Sarah did not fail to relate this +adventure to her lover, telling him how Miss Temple's cries had alarmed +the maids of honour's apartment, and how herself and her aunt, running +to her assistance, had almost surprised Miss Hobart in the very act. + +Two days after, the whole adventure, with the addition of several +embellishments, was made public: the governess swore to the truth of +it, and related in every company what a narrow escape Miss Temple had +experienced, and that Miss Sarah, her niece, had preserved her honour, +because, by Lord Rochester's excellent advice, she had forbidden her +all manner of connection with so dangerous a person. Miss Temple was +afterwards informed, that the song that had so greatly provoked her, +alluded to Miss Price only: this was confirmed to her by every person, +with additional execrations against Miss Hobart, for such a scandalous +imposition. Such great coldness after so much familiarity, made many +believe, that this adventure was not altogether a fiction. + +This had been sufficient to have disgraced Miss Hobart at court, and to +have totally ruined her reputation in London, had she not been, upon the +present, as well as upon a former occasion, supported by the duchess: +her royal highness pretended to treat the whole story as romantic +and visionary, or as solely arising from private pique: she chid Miss +Temple, for her impertinent credulity: turned away the governess and +her niece, for the lies with which she pretended they supported the +imposture; and did many improper things in order to re-establish Miss +Hobart's honour, which, however, she failed in accomplishing. She had +her reasons for not entirely abandoning her, as will appear in the +sequel. + +Miss Temple, who continually reproached herself with injustice, with +respect to Lord Rochester, and who, upon the faith of Killegrew's word, +thought him the most Honourable man in England, was only solicitous +to find out some opportunity of easing her mind, by making him some +reparation for the rigour with which she had treated him: these +favourable dispositions, in the hands of a man of his character, might +have led to consequences of which she was not aware; but heaven did not +allow him an opportunity of profiting by them. + +Ever since he had first appeared at court he seldom failed being +banished from it, at least once in the year; for whenever a word +presented itself to his pen, or to his tongue, he immediately committed +it to paper, or produced it in conversation, without any manner of +regard to the consequences the ministers, the mistresses, and even the +king himself, were frequently the subjects of his sarcasms; and had +not the prince, whom he thus treated, been possessed of one of the most +forgiving and gentle tempers, his first disgrace had certainly been his +last. + +Just at the time that Miss Temple was desirous of seeing him, in order +to apologize for the uneasiness which the infamous calumnies and black +aspersions of Miss Hobart had occasioned both of them, he was forbid the +court for the third time: he departed without having seen Miss Temple, +carried the disgraced governess down with him to his country seat, and +exerted all his endeavours to cultivate in her niece some dispositions +which she had for the stage; but though she did not make the same +improvement in this line, as she had by his other instructions, after +he had entertained both the niece and the aunt for some months in the +country, he got her entered in the king's company of comedians the next +winter; and the public was obliged to him for the prettiest, but at the +same time, the worst actress in the kingdom. + + [Though no name is given to this lady, there are circumstances + enough mentioned to fix on the celebrated Mrs. Barry, as the person + intended by the author. Mrs. Barry was introduced to the stage by + Lord Rochester, with whom she had an intrigue, the fruit of which + was a daughter, who lived to the age of thirteen years, and is often + mentioned in his collection of love-letters, printed in his works, + which were written to Mrs. Barry. On her first theatrical attempts, + so little hopes were entertained of her, that she was, as Cibber + declares, discharged the company at the end of the first year, among + others that were thought to be a useless expense to it. She was + well born; being daughter of Robert Barry, Esq., barrister at law; a + gentleman of an ancient family and good estate, who hurt his fortune + by his attachment to Charles I.; for whom he raised a regiment at + his own expense. Tony Aston, in his Supplement to Cibber's Apology, + says, she was woman to lady Shelton of Norfolk, who might have + belonged to the court. Curl, however, says, she was early taken + under the patronage of Lady Davenant. Both these accounts may be + true. The time of her appearance on the stage was probably not much + earlier that 1671; in which year she performed in Tom Essence, and + was, it may be conjectured, about the age of nineteen. Curl + mentions the great pains taken by Lord Rochester in instructing her; + which were repaid by the rapid progress she daily made in her + profession. She at last eclipsed all her competitors, and in the + part of Monimia established her reputation. From her performance in + this character, in that of Belvidera, and of Isabella, in the Fatal + Marriage, Downes says she acquired the name of the famous Mrs. + Barry, both at court and in the city. "Mrs. Barry," says Dryden, in + his Preface to Cleomenes, "always excellent, has in this tragedy + excelled herself, and gained a reputation beyond any woman I have + ever seen on the theatre." "In characters of greatness," says + Cibber, "Mrs. Barry had a presence of elevated dignity; her mien + and motion superb, and gracefully majestic; her voice full, clear, + and strong; so that no violence of passion could be too much for + her; and when distress or tenderness possessed her, she subsided + into the most affecting melody and softness. In the art of exciting + pity, she had a power beyond all the actresses I have yet seen, or + what your imagination can conceive. In scenes of anger, defiance, + or resentment, while she was impetuous and terrible, she poured out + the sentiment with an enchanting harmony; and it was this particular + excellence for which Dryden made her the above-recited compliment, + upon her acting Cassandra in his Cleomenes. She was the first + person whose merit was distinguished by the indulgence of having an + annual benefit play, which was granted to her alone in King James's + time, and which did not become common to others till the division of + this company, after the death of King William and Queen Mary."] + +About this time Talbot returned from Ireland: he soon felt the absence +of Miss Hamilton, who was then in the country with a relation, whom +we shall mention hereafter. A remnant of his former tenderness still +subsisted in his heart, notwithstanding his absence, and the promises +he had given the Chevalier de Grammont at parting: he now therefore +endeavoured to banish her entirely from his thoughts, by fixing his +desires upon some other object; but he saw no one in the queen's new +court whom he thought worthy of his attention: Miss Boynton, however, +thought him worthy of hers. Her, person was slender and delicate, to +which a good complexion and large motionless eyes gave at a distance an +appearance of beauty, that vanished upon nearer inspection: she affected +to lisp, to languish, and to have two or three fainting-fits a day. The +first time that Talbot cast his eyes upon her she was seized with one +of these fits: he was told that she swooned away upon his account: he +believed it, was eager to afford her assistance; and ever after that +accident showed her some kindness, more with the intention of saving +her life, than to express any affection he felt for her. This seeming +tenderness was well received, and at first she was visibly affected by +it. Talbot was one of the tallest men in England, and in all appearance +one of the most robust; yet she showed sufficiently that she was willing +to expose the delicacy of her constitution, to whatever might happen, +in order to become his wife; which event perhaps might then have taken +place, as it did afterwards, had not the charms of the fair Jennings at +that time, proved an obstacle to her wishes. + +I know not how it came to pass that he had not yet seen her; though he +had heard her much praised, and her prudence, wit, and vivacity equally +commended; he believed all this upon the faith of common report. He +thought it very singular that discretion and sprightliness should be so +intimately united in a person so young, more particularly in the midst +of a court where love and gallantry were so much in fashion; but he +found her personal accomplishments greatly to exceed whatever fame had +reported of them. + +As it was not long before he perceived he was in love, neither was +it long before he made a declaration of it: as his passion was likely +enough to be real, Miss Jennings thought she might believe him, without +exposing herself to the imputation of vanity. Talbot was possessed of +a fine and brilliant exterior, his manners were noble and majestic: +besides this, he was particularly distinguished by the favour and +friendship of the duke; but his most essential merit, with her, was his +forty thousand pounds a-year, landed property, besides his employments. +All these qualities came within the rules and maxims she had resolved to +follow with respect to lovers: thus, though he had not the satisfaction +to obtain from her an entire declaration of her sentiments, he had at +least the pleasure of being better received than those who had paid +their addresses to her before him. + +No person attempted to interrupt his happiness; and Miss Jennings, +perceiving that the duchess approved of Talbot's pretensions; and after +having well weighed the matter, and consulted her own inclinations, +found that her reason was more favourable to him than her heart, and +that the most she could do for his satisfaction was to marry him without +reluctance. + +Talbot, too fortunate in a preference which no man had before +experienced, did not examine whether it was to her heart or to her head +that he was indebted for it, and his thoughts were solely occupied in +hastening the accomplishment of his wishes: one would have sworn that +the happy minute was at hand; but love would no longer be love, if he +did not delight in obstructing, or in overturning the happiness of those +who live under his dominion. + +Talbot, who found nothing reprehensible either in the person, in the +conversation, or in the reputation of Miss Jennings, was however rather +concerned at a now acquaintance she had lately formed; and having taken +upon him to give her some cautions upon this subject, she was much +displeased at his conduct. + +Miss Price, formerly maid of honour, that had been set aside, as we have +before mentioned, upon her leaving the duchess's service, had recourse +to Lady Castlemaine's protection: she had a very entertaining wit: +her complaisance was adapted to all humours, and her own humour was +possessed of a fund of gaiety and sprightliness which diffused universal +mirth and merriment wherever she came. Her acquaintance with Miss +Jennings was prior to Talbot's. + +As she was thoroughly acquainted with all the intrigues of the court, +she related them without any manner of reserve to Miss Jennings, and her +own with the same frankness as the others: Miss Jennings was extremely +well pleased with her stories; for though she was determined to make no +experiment in love, but upon honourable terms, she however was desirous +of knowing from her recitals, all the different intrigues that were +carrying on: thus, as she was never wearied with her conversation, she +was overjoyed whenever she could see her. + +Talbot, who remarked the extreme relish she had for Miss Price's +company, thought that the reputation such a woman had in the world might +prove injurious to his mistress, more especially from the particular +intimacy there seemed to exist between them: whereupon, in the tone of +a guardian rather than a lover, he took upon him to chide her for +the disreputable company she kept. Miss Jennings was haughty beyond +conception, when once she took it into her head; and as she liked Miss +Price's conversation much better than Talbot's, she took the liberty +of desiring him "to attend to his own affairs, and that if he only +came from Ireland to read lectures about her conduct, he might take the +trouble to go back as soon as he pleased." He was offended at a sally +which he thought ill-timed, considering the situation of affairs between +them; and went out of her presence more abruptly than became the respect +due from a man greatly in love. He for some time appeared offended; +but perceiving that he gained nothing by such conduct, he grew weary of +acting that part, and assumed that of an humble lover, in which he +was equally unsuccessful; neither his repentance nor submissions could +produce any effect upon her, and the mutinous little gipsy was still in +her pouts when Jermyn returned to court. + +It was above a year since he had triumphed over the weakness of +Lady Castlemaine, and above two since the king had been weary of his +triumphs: his uncle, being vile of the first who perceived the king's +disgust, obliged him to absent himself from court, at the very time that +orders were going to be issued for that purpose; for though the king's +affections for Lady Castlemaine were now greatly diminished, yet he did +not think it consistent with his dignity that a mistress, whom he had +honoured with public distinction, and who still received a considerable +support from him, should appear chained to the car of the most +ridiculous conqueror that ever existed. His majesty had frequently +expostulated with the countess upon this subject: but his expostulations +were never attended to; it was in one of these differences that +he, advising her rather to bestow her favours upon Jacob Hall, the +rope-dancer, who was able to return them, than lavish away her money +upon Jermyn to no purpose, since it would be more honourable for her to +pass for the mistress of the first, than for the very humble servant of +the other, she was not proof against his raillery. The impetuosity of +her temper broke forth like lightning: she told him "that it very ill +became him to throw out such reproaches against one, who, of all the +women in England, deserved them the least; that he had never ceased +quarrelling thus unjustly with her, ever since he had betrayed his own +mean low inclinations; that to gratify such a depraved taste as his, +he wanted only such silly things as Stewart, Wells, and that pitiful +strolling actress,--[Probably Nell Gwyn.]--whom he had lately introduced +into their society." Floods of tears from rage, generally attended these +storms; after which, resuming the part of Medea, the scene closed with +menaces of tearing her children in pieces, and setting his palace on +fire. What course could he pursue with such an outrageous fury, who, +beautiful as she was, resembled Medea less than her dragons, when she +was thus enraged! + +The indulgent monarch loved peace; and as he seldom contended for it on +these occasions without paying something to obtain it, he was obliged +to be at great expense, in order to reconcile this last rupture: as they +could not agree of themselves, and both parties equally complained, the +Chevalier de Grammont was chosen, by mutual consent, mediator of the +treaty. The grievances and pretensions on each side were communicated +to him, and what is very extraordinary, he managed so as to please them +both. Here follow the articles of peace, which they agreed to: + +"That Lady Castlemaine should for ever abandon Jermyn; that as a proof +of her sincerity, and the reality of his disgrace, she should consent +to his being sent, for some time, into the country; that she should +not rail any more against Miss Wells, nor storm any more against Miss +Stewart; and this without any restraint on the king's behaviour towards +her that in consideration of these condescensions, his majesty should +immediately give her the title of duchess, with all the honours and +privileges thereunto belonging, and an addition to her pension, in order +to enable her to support the dignity." + + [The title of Duchess of Cleveland was conferred on her 3rd August, + 22 Charles II., 1670.] + +As soon as this peace was proclaimed, the political critics, who, in all +nations, never fail to censure all state proceedings, pretended that the +mediator of this treaty, being every day at play with Lady Castlemaine, +and never losing, had, for his own sake, insisted a little too strongly +upon this last article. + +Some days after, she was created Duchess of Cleveland, and little Jermyn +repaired to his country-seat: however, it was in his power to have +returned in a fortnight; for the Chevalier de Grammont, having procured +the king's permission, carried it to the Earl of St. Alban's: this +revived the good old man; but it was to little purpose he transmitted it +to his nephew; for whether he wished to make the London beauties deplore +and lament his absence, or whether he wished them to declaim against +the injustice of the age, or rail against the tyranny of the prince, +he continued above half a year in the country, setting up for a little +philosopher, under the eyes of the sportsmen in the neighbourhood, who +regarded him as an extraordinary instance of the caprice of fortune. +He thought the part he acted so glorious, that he would have continued +there much longer had he not heard of Miss Jennings: he did not, +however, pay much attention to what his friends wrote to him concerning +her charms, being persuaded he had seen equally as great in others: what +was related to him of her pride and resistance, appeared to him of far +greater consequence; and to subdue the last, he even looked upon as an +action worthy of his prowess; and quitting his retreat for this purpose, +he arrived in London at the time that Talbot, who was really in love, +had quarrelled, in his opinion, so unjustly with Miss Jennings. + +She had heard Jermyn spoken of as a hero in affairs of love and +gallantry. Miss Price, in the recital of those of the Duchess of +Cleveland, had often mentioned him, without in any respect diminishing +the insignificancy with which fame insinuated he had conducted himself +in those amorous encounters: she nevertheless had the greatest curiosity +to see a man, whose entire person, she thought, must be a moving trophy, +and monument of the favours and freedoms of the fair sex. + +Thus Jermyn arrived at the right time to satisfy her curiosity by his +presence; and though his brilliancy appeared a little tarnished by his +residence in the country; though his head was larger, and his legs more +slender than usual, yet the giddy girl thought she had never seen any +man so perfect; and yielding to her destiny, she fell in love with him, +a thousand times more unaccountably than all the others had done before +her. Everybody remarked this change of conduct in her with surprise; +for they expected something more from the delicacy of a person who, till +this time, had behaved with so much propriety in all her actions. + +Jermyn was not in the least surprised at this conquest, though not a +little proud of it; for his heart had very soon as great a share in +it as his vanity. Talbot, who saw with amazement the rapidity of this +triumph, and the disgrace of his own defeat, was ready to die with +jealousy and spite; yet he thought it would be more to his credit to die +than to vent those passions unprofitably; and shielding himself under +a feigned indifference, he kept at a distance to view how far such an +extravagant prepossession would proceed. + +In the mean time Jermyn quietly enjoyed the happiness of seeing the +inclinations of the prettiest and most extraordinary creature in +England declared in his favour. The duchess, who had taken her under her +protection ever since she had declined placing herself under that of the +duke, sounded Jermyn's intentions towards her, and was satisfied +with the assurances she received from a man, whose probity infinitely +exceeded his merit in love: he therefore let all the court see that he +was willing to marry her, though, at the same time, he did not appear +particularly desirous of hastening the consummation. Every person now +complimented Miss Jennings upon having reduced to this situation the +terror of husbands, and the plague of lovers: the court was in full +expectation of this miracle, and Miss Jennings of a near approaching +happy settlement: but in this world one must have fortune in one's +favour, before one can calculate with certainty upon happiness. + +The king did not use to let Lord Rochester remain so long in exile: he +grew weary of it, and being displeased that he was forgotten, he posted +up to London to wait till it might be his majesty's pleasure to recall +him. + +He first took up his habitation in the city, among the capital tradesmen +and rich merchants, where politeness indeed is not so much cultivated +as at court; but where pleasure, luxury, and abundance reign with less +confusion, and more sincerity. His first design was only to be initiated +into the mysteries of those fortunate and happy inhabitants: that is to +say, by changing his name and dress, to gain admittance to their feasts +and entertainments; and, as occasion offered, to those of their loving +spouses; as he was able to adapt himself to all capacities and humours, +he soon deeply insinuated himself into the esteem of the substantial +wealthy aldermen, and into he affections of their more delicate, +magnificent, and tender ladies: he made one in all their feasts, and +at all their assemblies; and, whilst in the company of the husbands, he +declaimed against the faults and mistakes of government, he joined their +wives in railing against the profligacy of the court ladies, and in +inveighing against the king's mistresses: he agreed with them, that the +industrious poor were to pay for these cursed extravagances; that the +city beauties were not inferior to those of the other end of the town, +and yet a sober husband in this quarter of the town was satisfied with +one wife; after which, to out-do their murmurings, he said, that he +wondered Whitehall was not yet consumed by fire from heaven, since such +rakes as Rochester, Killegrew, and Sidney were suffered there, who had +the impudence to assert that all married men in the city were cuckolds, +and all their wives painted. This conduct endeared him so much to the +cits, and made him so welcome at their clubs, that at last he grew sick +of their cramming and endless invitations. + +But, instead of approaching nearer the court, he retreated into one of +the most obscure corners of the city: where, again changing both his +name and his dress, in order to act a new part, he caused bills to +be dispersed, giving notice of "The recent arrival of a famous German +doctor, who, by long application and experience, had found out wonderful +secrets, and infallible remedies." + + [Bishop Burnet confirms this account.--"Being under an unlucky + accident, which obliged him to keep out of the way, he disguised + himself so, that his nearest friends could not have known him, and + set up in Tower Street for an Italian mountebank, where he practised + physic for some weeks, not without success. In his latter years he + read books of history more. He took pleasure to disguise himself as + a porter, or as a beggar; sometimes to follow some mean amours, + which, for the variety of them, he affected. At other times, merely + for diversion, he would go about in odd shapes; in which he acted + his part so naturally, that even those who were in the secret, and + saw him in these shapes, could perceive nothing by which he might be + discovered."--Burnet's Life of Rochester, ed. 1774, p. 14.] + +His secrets consisted in knowing what was past, and foretelling what was +to come, by the assistance of astrology: and the virtue of his remedies +principally consisted in giving present relief to unfortunate young +women in all manner of diseases, and all kinds of accidents incident to +the fair sex, either from too unbounded charity to their neighbours, or +too great indulgence to themselves. + +His first practice being confined to his neighbourhood, was not very +considerable; but his reputation soon extending to the other end of the +town, there presently flocked to him the women attending on the court, +next, the chamber-maids of ladies of quality, who, upon the wonders +they related concerning the German doctor, were soon followed by some of +their mistresses. + +Among all the compositions of a ludicrous and satirical kind, there +never existed any that could be compared to those of Lord Rochester, +either for humour, fire, or wit; but, of all his works, the most +ingenious and entertaining is that which contains a detail of the +intrigues and adventures in which he was engaged while he professed +medicine and astrology in the suburbs of London. + +The fair Jennings was very near getting a place in this collection; but +the adventure that prevented her from it, did not, however, conceal from +the public her intention of paying a visit to the German doctor. + +The first chamber-maids that consulted him were only those of the maids +of honour; who had numberless questions to ask, and not a few doubts +to be resolved, both upon their own and their mistresses' accounts. +Notwithstanding their disguise, he recognised some of them, particularly +Miss Temple's and Miss Price's maids, and her whom Miss Hobart had +lately discarded: these creatures all returned either filled with +wonder and amazement, or petrified with terror and fear. Miss Temple's +chamber-maid deposed that he assured her she would have the small-pox, +and her mistress the great, within two months at farthest, if her +aforesaid mistress did not guard against a man in woman's clothes. Miss +Price's woman affirmed that, without knowing her, and only looking in +her hand, he told her at first sight that, according to the course of +the stars, he perceived that she was in the service of some good-natured +lady, who had no other fault than loving wine and men. In short, every +one of them, struck with some particular circumstance relating to their +own private affairs, had either alarmed or diverted their mistresses +with the account, not failing, according to custom, to embellish the +truth, in order to enhance the wonder. + +Miss Price, relating these circumstances one day to her new friend, the +devil immediately tempted her to go in person, and see what sort of a +creature this new magician was. This enterprise was certainly very rash; +but nothing was too rash for Miss Jennings, who was of opinion that a +woman might despise appearances, provided she was in reality virtuous. +Miss Price was all compliance, and thus having fixed upon this glorious +resolution, they only thought of the proper means of putting it into +execution. + +It was very difficult for Miss Jennings to disguise herself, on account +of her excessive fair and bright complexion, and of something particular +in her air and manner: however, after having well considered the matter +the best disguise they could think of was to dress themselves like +orange girls. + + [These frolics appear to have been not unfrequent with persons of + high rank at this period. In a letter from Mr. Henshaw to Sir + Robert Paston, afterwards Earl of Yarmouth, dated October 13, 1670, + we have the following account: "Last week, there being a faire + neare Audley-end, the queen, the Dutchess of Richmond, and the + Dutchess of Buckingham, had a frolick to disguise themselves like + country lasses, to red petticoats, wastcotes, &c., and so goe see + the faire. Sir Barnard Gascoign, on a cart jade, rode before the + queen; another stranger before the Dutchess of Buckingham; and Mr. + Roper before Richmond. They had all so overdone it in their + disguise, and looked so much more like antiques than country volk, + that, as soon as they came to the faire, the people began to goe + after them; but the queen going to a booth, to buy a pair of yellow + stockings for her sweet hart, and Sir Bernard asking for a pair of + gloves sticht with blew, for his sweet hart, they were soon, by + their gebrish, found to be strangers, which drew a bigger flock + about them. One amongst them had seen the queen at dinner, knew + her, and was proud of her knowledge. This soon brought all the + faire into a crowd to stare at the queen. Being thus discovered, + they, as soon as they could, got to their horses; but as many of the + faire as had horses got up, with their wives, children, sweet harts, + or neighbours, behind them, to get as much gape as they could, till + they brought them to the court gate. Thus, by ill conduct, was a + merry frolick turned into a penance."--I've's Select Papers, p. 39. + + Bishop Burnet says, "at this time, (1668) the court fell into much + extravagance in masquerading: both the king and queen, all the + court, went about masked, and came into houses unknown, and danced + there, with a great deal of wild frolic. In all this people were so + disguised, that, without being in the secret, none could distinguish + them. They were carried about in hackney chairs. Once the queen's + chairmen, not knowing who she was, went from her. So she was alone, + and was much disturbed, and came to Whitehall in a hackney coach; + some say in a cart."--Burnet's History, vol. i., p. 368.] + +This was no sooner resolved upon, but it was put in execution they +attired themselves alike, and, taking each a basket of oranges under +their arms, they embarked in a hackney coach, and committed themselves +to fortune, without any other escort than their own caprice and +indiscretion. + +The duchess was gone to the play with her sister: Miss Jennings had +excused herself under pretence of indisposition she was overjoyed at +the happy commencement of their adventure; for they had disguised +themselves, had crossed the Park, and taken their hackney coach at +Whitehall gate, without the least accident. They mutually congratulated +each other upon it, and Miss Price, taking a beginning so prosperous as +a good omen of their success, asked her companion what they were to do +at the fortune-teller's, and what they should propose to him. + +Miss Jennings told her that, for her part, curiosity was her principal +inducement for going thither; that, however, she was resolved to ask +him, without naming any person, why a man, who was in love with a +handsome young lady, was not urgent to marry her, since this was in his +power to do, and by so doing he would have an opportunity of gratifying +his desires. Miss Price told her, smiling, that, without going to the +astrologer, nothing was more easy than to explain the enigma, as she +herself had almost given her a solution of it in the narrative of the +Duchess of Cleveland's adventures. + +Having by this time nearly arrived at the playhouse, Miss Price, after +a moment's reflection, said, that since fortune favoured them, a fair +opportunity was now offered to signalize their courage, which was to go +and sell oranges in the very playhouse, in the sight of the duchess and +the whole court. The proposal being worthy of the sentiments of the one, +and of the vivacity of the other, they immediately alighted, paid off +their hack, and, running through the midst of an immense number of +coaches, with great difficulty they reached the playhouse door. Sidney, +more handsome than the beautiful Adonis, and dressed more gay than +usual, alighted just then from his coach: Miss Price went boldly up to +him, as he was adjusting his curls; but he was too much occupied with +his own dear self to attend to anything else, and so passed on without +deigning to give her an answer. Killegrew came next, and the fair +Jennings, partly encouraged by the other's pertness, advanced towards +him, and offered him her basket, whilst Price, more used to the +language, desired him to buy her fine oranges. "Not now," said he, +looking at them with attention; "but if thou wilt to-morrow morning +bring this young girl to my lodgings, I will make it worth all the +oranges in London to thee" and while he thus spoke to the one he chucked +the other under the chin, examining her bosom. These familiarities +making little Jennings forget the part she was acting, after having +pushed him away with all the violence she was able, she told him with +indignation that it was very insolent to dare--"Ha! ha!" said he, +"here's a rarity indeed! a young w----, who, the better to sell her +goods, sets up for virtue, and pretends innocence!" + +Price immediately perceived that nothing could be gained by continuing +any longer in so dangerous a place; and, taking her companion under the +arm, she dragged her away, while she was still in emotion at the insult +that had been offered to her. + +Miss Jennings, resolving to sell no more oranges on these terms, was +tempted to return, without accomplishing the other adventure; but Price +having represented to her the disgrace of such cowardly behaviour, more +particularly after having before manifested so much resolution, she +consented to go and pay the astrologer a short visit, so as they might +be enabled to regain the palace before the play was ended. + +They had one of the doctor's bills for a direction, but there was no +occasion for it; for the driver of the coach they had taken told them he +knew very well the place they wanted, for he had already carried above +an hundred persons to the German doctor's: they were within half a +street of his house, when fortune thought proper to play them a trick. + +Brounker had dined by chance with a merchant in that part of the city, +and just as he was going away they ordered their coach to stop, as +ill-luck would have it, just opposite to him. Two orange girls in +a hackney coach, one of whom appeared to have a very pretty face, +immediately drew his attention; besides, he had a natural curiosity for +such objects. + + [Gentleman of the chamber to the Duke of York, and brother to Lord + Viscount Brounker, president of the royal society. Lord Clarendon + imputes to him the cause of the great sea-fight, in 1665, not being + so well improved as it might have been, and adds, "nor did the duke + come to hear of it till some years after, when Mr. Brounker's ill + course of life, and his abominable nature, had rendered him so + odious, that it was taken notice of in parliament, and, upon + examination, found to be true, as is here related; upon which he was + expelled the house of commons, whereof he was a; member, as an + infamous person, though his friend Coventry adhered to him, and used + many indirect acts to have protected him, and afterwards procured + him to have more countenance from the king than most men thought he + deserved; being a person, throughout his whole life, never notorious + for anything but the highest degree of impudence, and stooping to + the most infamous offices, and playing very well at chess, which + preferred him more than the most virtuous qualities could have + done."--Continuation of Clarendon's Life, p. 270.] + +Of all the men at court, he had the least regard for the fair sex, and +the least attention to their reputation: he was not young, nor was his +person agreeable; however, with a great deal of wit he had a violent +passion for women. He did himself justice respecting his own merit; and, +being persuaded that he could only succeed with those who were desirous +of having his money, he was at open war with all the rest. He had a +little country-house four or five miles from London always well stocked +with girls: in other respects he was a very honest man, and the best +chess-player in England. + +Price, alarmed at being thus closely examined by the most dangerous +enemy they could encounter, turned her head the other way, bid her +companion do the same, and told the coachman to drive on. Brounker +followed them unperceived on foot; and the coach having stopped twenty +or thirty yards farther up the street, they alighted. He was just +behind them, and formed the same judgment of them which a man much more +charitable to the sex must unavoidably have done, concluding that Miss +Jennings was a young courtesan upon the look-out, and that Miss Price +was the mother-abbess. He was, however, surprised to see them have much +better shoes and stockings than women of that rank generally wear, and +that the little orange girl, in getting out of a very high coach, showed +one of the handsomest legs he had ever seen: but as all this was no +obstruction to his designs, he resolved to purchase her at any rate, in +order to place her in his seraglio. + +He came up to them, as they were giving their baskets in guard to the +coachman, with orders to wait for them exactly in that place. Brounker +immediately pushed in between them: as soon as they saw him, they gave +themselves up for lost; but he, without taking the least notice of their +surprise, took Price aside with one hand, and his purse with the other, +and began immediately to enter upon business, but was astonished to +perceive that she turned away her face, without either answering or +looking at him: As this conduct appeared to him unnatural, he stared her +full in the face, notwithstanding all her endeavours to prevent him: +he did the same to the other: and immediately recognised them, but +determined to conceal his discovery. + +The old fox possessed a wonderful command of temper on such occasions, +and having teazed them a little longer to remove all suspicions he +quitted them, telling Price; "That she was a great fool to refuse his +offers, and that her girl would not, perhaps, get so much in a year, +as she might with him in one day; that the times were greatly changed, +since the queen's and the duchess's maids of honour forestalled the +market, and were to be had cheaper than the town ladies." Upon this he +went back to his coach, whilst they blessed themselves, returning heaven +their most hearty thanks for having escaped this danger without being +discovered. + +Brounker, on the other hand, would not have taken a thousand guineas +for this rencounter: he blessed the Lord that he had not alarmed them to +such a degree as to frustrate their intention; for he made no doubt but +Miss Price had managed some intrigue for Miss Jennings: he therefore +immediately concluded, that at present it would be improper to make +known his discovery, which would have answered no other end but to have +overwhelmed them with confusion. + +Upon this account, although Jermyn was one of his best friends, he felt +a secret joy in not having prevented his being made a cuckold, before +his marriage; and the apprehension he was in of preserving him from that +accident, was his sole reason for quitting them with the precautions +aforementioned. + +Whilst they were under these alarms, their coachman was engaged in a +squabble with some blackguard boys, who had gathered round his coach +in order to steal the oranges: from words they came to blows: the two +nymphs saw the commencement of the fray as they were returning to +the coach, after having abandoned the design of going to the +fortuneteller's. Their coachman being a man of spirit, it was with great +difficulty they could persuade him to leave their oranges to the mob, +that they might get off without any further disturbance: having thus +regained their hack, after a thousand frights, and after having received +an abundant share of the most low and infamous abuse applied to them +during the fracas, they at length reached St. James's, vowing never +more to go after fortune-tellers, through so many dangers, terrors, and +alarms, as they had lately undergone. + +Brounker, who, from the indifferent opinion he entertained of the fair +sex, would have staked his life that Miss Jennings did not return from +this expedition in the same condition she went, kept his thoughts, +however, a profound secret; since it would have afforded him the highest +satisfaction to have seen the all-fortunate Jermyn marry a little +street-walker, who pretended to pass for a pattern of chastity, that he +might, the day after his marriage, congratulate him upon his virtuous +spouse; but heaven was not disposed to afford him that satisfaction, as +will appear in the sequel of these memoirs. + +Miss Hamilton was in the country, as we before mentioned, at a +relation's: the Chevalier de Grammont bore this short absence of hers +with great uneasiness, since she would not allow him permission to visit +her there, upon any pretence whatever; but play, which was favourable to +him, was no small relief to his extreme impatience. + +Miss Hamilton, however, at last returned. Mrs. Wetenhall (for that was +the name of her relation) would by all means wait upon her to London, in +appearance out of politeness; for ceremony, carried beyond all bearing, +is the grand characteristic of country gentry: yet this mark of civility +was only a pretence, to obtain a peevish husband's consent to his +wife's journey to town. Perhaps he would have done himself the honour +of conducting Miss Hamilton up to London, had he not been employed in +writing some remarks upon the ecclesiastical history, a work in which he +had long been engaged: the ladies were more civil than to interrupt him +in his undertaking, and besides, it would entirely have disconcerted all +Mrs. Wetenhall's schemes. + +This lady was what may be properly called a beauty, entirely English, +made up of lilies and roses, of snow and milk, as to colour; and of wax, +with respect to the arms, hands, neck, and feet, but all this without +either animation or air; her face was uncommonly pretty; but there was +no variety, no change of countenance in it: one would have thought she +took it in the morning out of a case, in order to put it up again at +night, without using it in the smallest degree in the daytime. What can +I say of her! nature had formed her a baby from her infancy, and a +baby remained till death the fair Mrs. Wetenhall. Her husband had been +destined for the church; but his elder brother dying just at the time he +had gone through his studies of divinity, instead of taking orders, he +came to England, and took to wife Miss Bedingfield, the lady of whom we +are now speaking. + +His person was not disagreeable, but he had a serious contemplative air, +very apt to occasion disgust: as for the rest, she might boast of having +one of the greatest theologists in the kingdom for her husband: he was +all day poring over his books, and went to bed soon, in order to rise +early; so that his wife found him snoring when she came to bed, and when +he arose he left her there sound asleep: his conversation at table would +have been very brisk, if Mrs. Wetenhall had been as great a proficient +in divinity, or as great a lover of controversy, as he was; but being +neither learned in the former, nor desirous of the latter, silence +reigned at their table, as absolutely as at a refectory. + +She had often expressed a great desire to see London; but though they +were only distant a very short day's journey from it, she had never been +able to satisfy her curiosity: it was not therefore without reason, +that she grew weary of the life she was forced to lead at Peckham. The +melancholy retired situation of the place was to her insupportable; +and as she had the folly, incident to many other women, of believing +sterility to be a kind of reproach, she was very much hurt to see +that she might fall under that suspicion; for she was persuaded, that +although heaven had denied her children, she nevertheless had all the +necessary requisites on her part, if it had been the will of the Lord. +This had occasioned her to make some reflections, and then to reason +upon those reflections; as for instance, that since her husband +chose rather to devote himself to his studies, than to the duties of +matrimony, to turn over musty old books, rather than attend to the +attractions of beauty, and to gratify his own pleasures, rather than +those of his wife, it might be permitted her to relieve some necessitous +lover, in neighbourly charity, provided she could do it conscientiously, +and to direct her inclinations in so just a, manner, that the evil +spirit should have no concern in it. Mr. Wetenhall, a zealous partisan +for the doctrine of the casuists, would not perhaps have approved of +these decisions; but he was not consulted. + +The greatest misfortune was, that neither solitary Peckham nor its +sterile neighbourhood, presented any expedients, either for the +execution of the afore-mentioned design, or for the relief of poor Mrs. +Wetenhall: she was visibly pining away, when, through fear of dying +either with solitude or of want, she had recourse to Miss Hamilton's +commiseration. + +Their first acquaintance was formed at Paris, whither Mr. Wetenhall had +taken his wife half a year after they were married, on a journey thither +to buy books: Miss Hamilton, who from that very time greatly pitied her, +consented to pass some time in the country with her, in hopes by that +visit to deliver her, for a short time at least, out of her captivity; +which project succeeded according to her wish. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, being informed of the day on which they were +to arrive, borne on the wings of love and impatience, had engaged George +Hamilton to go with him, and meet them some miles out of London. The +equipage he had prepared for the purpose, corresponded with his usual +magnificence; and on such an occasion, we may reasonably suppose he had +not neglected his person: however, with all his impatience, he checked +the ardour of the coachman, through fear of accidents, rightly judging +that upon a road prudence is preferable to eagerness. The ladies at +length appeared, and Miss Hamilton, being in his eyes, ten or twelve +times more handsome than before her departure from London, he would have +purchased with his life so kind a reception as she gave her brother. + +Mrs. Wetenhall had her share of the praises, which at this interview +were liberally bestowed upon her beauty, for which her beauty was very +thankful to those who did it so much honour; and as Hamilton regarded +her with a tender attention, she regarded Hamilton as a man very well +qualified for putting in execution the little projects she had concerted +with her conscience. + +As soon as she was in London, her head was almost turned, through an +excess of contentment and felicity: everything appeared like enchantment +to her in this superb city; more particularly, as in Paris she had never +seen anything farther than the Rue Saint Jacques, and a few booksellers' +shops. Miss Hamilton entertained her at her own house, and she was +presented, admired, and well received at both courts. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, whose gallantry and magnificence were +inexhaustible, taking occasion, from this fair stranger's arrival, to +exhibit his grandeur, nothing was to be seen but balls, concerts, plays, +excursions by land and by water, splendid collations and sumptuous +entertainments: Mrs. Wetenhall was transported with pleasures, of which +the greatest part were entirely new to her; she was greatly delighted +with all, except now and then at a play, when tragedy was acted, which +she confessed she thought rather wearisome: she agreed, however, that +the show was very interesting, when there were many people killed upon +the stage, but thought the players were very fine handsome fellows, who +were much better alive than dead. + +Hamilton, upon the whole, was pretty well treated by her, if a man in +love, who is never satisfied until the completion of his wishes, could +confine himself within the bounds of moderation and reason: he used all +his endeavours to determine her to put in execution the projects she had +formed at Peckham: Mrs. Wetenhall, on the other hand, was much pleased +with him. This is the Hamilton who served in the French army with +distinction; he was both agreeable and handsome. All imaginable +opportunities conspired to favour the establishment of an intimacy, +whose commencement had been so brisk, that in all probability it would +not languish for a conclusion; but the more he pressed her to it, the +more her resolution began to fail, and regard for some scruples, which +she had not well weighed, kept her in suspense: there was reason to +believe that a little perseverance would have removed these obstacles; +yet this at the present time was not attempted. Hamilton, not able to +conceive what could prevent her from completing his happiness, since in +his opinion the first and greatest difficulties of an amour were already +overcome, with respect to the public, resolved to abandon her to +her irresolutions, instead of endeavouring to conquer them by a more +vigorous attack. It was not consistent with reason, to desist from an +enterprise, where so many prospects of success presented themselves, for +such inconsiderable obstacles; but he suffered himself to be intoxicated +with chimeras and visions, which unseasonably cooled the vigour of his +pursuit, and led him astray in another unprofitable undertaking. + + [I apprehend he is the same George Hamilton already described, who + married Miss Jennings, and not the author of this work, as Lord + Orford supposes. In a letter from Arlington to Sir William + Godolphin, dated September 7, 1671, it is said, "the Conde de Molina + complains to us of certain levies Sir George Hamilton hath made in + Ireland. The king hath always told him he had no express license + for it; and I have told the Conde he must not find it strange that a + gentleman who had been bred the king's page abroad, and losing his + employment at home, for being a Roman Catholic, should have some + more than ordinary connivance towards the making his fortune abroad + by the countenance of his friends and relations in Ireland: and yet + take the matter in the worst sense he could give, it would not + amount to the breach of any article betwixt the king my master and + the court of Spain."--Arlington's letters, vol. ii., p. 332. In + a letter from the same nobleman to Lord Sandwich, written about + October, 1667, we find the cause of Sir George Hamilton's entering + into the French service "Concerning the reformadoes of the guards + of horse, his majesty thought fit, the other day, to have them + dismissed, according to his promise, made to the parliament at the + last session. Mr. Hamilton had a secret overture made him, that he, + with those men, should be welcome into the French service; his + majesty, at their dismissal, having declared they should have leave + to go abroad whither they pleased." They accepted of Mr. Hamilton's + offer to carry them into France. "Arlington's Letters," vol. i., p. + 185. Lodge, in his Peerage of Ireland, says, Sir George Hamilton + died in 1667, which, from the first extract above, appears to be + erroneous. He has evidently confounded the father and son; the + former of whom was the person who died in 1667.] + +I know not whether poor Wetenhall took the blame upon herself; but it is +certain, she was extremely mortified upon it. Soon after being obliged +to return to her cabbages and turkeys at Peckham, she had almost gone +distracted: that residence appeared a thousand times more dreadful to +her, since she had been initiated into the amusements of London; but +as the queen was to set out within a month for Tunbridge Wells, she was +obliged to yield to necessity, and return to the philosopher, Wetenhall, +with the consolation of having engaged Miss Hamilton to come and live at +her house, which was within ten or twelve miles of Tunbridge, as long as +the court remained there. + +Miss Hamilton promised not to abandon her in her retirement, and further +engaged to bring the Chevalier de Grammont along with her, whose humour +and conversation extremely delighted her. The Chevalier de Grammont, +who on all occasions started agreeable raillery, engaged on his part +to bring George Hamilton, which words overwhelmed her with blushes. The +court set out soon after to pass about two months in the place of all +Europe the most rural and simple, and yet, at the same time, the most +entertaining and agreeable. Tunbridge is the same distance from London, +that Fontainebleau is from Paris, and is, at the season, the general +rendezvous of all the gay and handsome of both sexes. The company, +though always numerous, is always select: since those who repair thither +for diversion, ever exceed the number of those who go thither for +health. Everything there breathes mirth and pleasure: constraint is +banished, familiarity is established upon the first acquaintance, and +joy and pleasure are the sole sovereigns of the place. + +The company are accommodated with lodgings in little, clean, and +convenient habitations, that lie straggling and separated from each +other, a mile and a half all round the Wells, where the company meet +in the morning: this place consists of a long walk, shaded by spreading +trees, under which they walk while they are drinking the waters: on one +side of this walk is a long row of shops, plentifully stocked with all +manner of toys, lace, gloves, stockings, and where there is raffling, as +at Paris, in the Foire de Saint Germain: on the other side of the walk +is the market; and, as it is the custom here for every person to buy +their own provisions, care is taken that nothing offensive appears on +the stalls. Here young, fair, fresh-coloured country girls, with clean +linen, small straw hats, and neat shoes and stockings, sell game, +vegetables, flowers and fruit: here one may live as one pleases: here +is, likewise, deep play, and no want of amorous intrigues. As soon as +the evening comes, every one quits his little palace to assemble at the +bowling-green, where, in the open air, those who choose, dance upon a +turf more soft and smooth than the finest carpet in the world. + +Lord Muskerry had, within two or three short miles of Tunbridge, a very +handsome seat called Summer-hill: Miss Hamilton, after having spent +eight or ten days at Peckham, could not excuse herself from passing the +remainder of the season at his house; and, having obtained leave of Mr. +Wetenhall, that his lady should accompany her, they left the melancholy +residence of Peckham, and its tiresome master, and fixed their little +court at Summer-hill. + +They went every day to court, or the court came to them. The queen +even surpassed her usual attentions in inventing and supporting +entertainments: she endeavoured to increase the natural ease and +freedom of Tunbridge, by dispensing with, rather than requiring, those +ceremonies that were due to her presence; and, confining in the bottom +of her heart that grief and uneasiness she could not overcome, she saw +Miss Stewart triumphantly possess the affections of the king without +manifesting the least uneasiness. + +Never did love see his empire in a more flourishing condition than on +this spot: those who were smitten before they came to it, felt a mighty +augmentation of their flame; and those who seemed the least susceptible +of love, laid aside their natural ferocity, to act in a new character. +For the truth of the latter, we shall only relate the change which soon +appeared in the conduct of Prince Rupert. + + [Lord Orford's contrast to this character of Prince Rupert is too + just to be here omitted. "Born with the taste of an uncle whom his + sword was not fortunate in defending, Prince Rupert was fond of + those sciences which soften and adorn a hero's private hours, and + knew how to mix them with his minutes of amusement, without + dedicating his life to their pursuit, like us, who, wanting capacity + for momentous views, make serious study of what is only the + transitory occupation of a genius. Had the court of the first + Charles been peaceful, how agreeably had the prince's congenial + propensity flattered and confirmed the inclination of his uncle! + How the muse of arts would have repaid the patronage of the monarch, + when, for his first artist, she would have presented him with his + nephew! How different a figure did the same prince make in a reign + of dissimilar complexion! The philosophic warrior, who could relax + himself into the ornament of a refined court, was thought a savage + mechanic, when courtiers were only voluptuous wits. Let me + transcribe a picture of Prince Rupert, drawn by a man who was far + from having the least portion of wit in that age, who was superior + to its indelicacy, and who yet was so overborne by its prejudices, + that he had the complaisance to ridicule virtue, merit, talents. + --But Prince Rupert, alas! was an awkward lover!" Lord Orford here + inserts the character in the text, and then adds, "What pity that + we, who wish to transmit this prince's resemblance to posterity on a + fairer canvas, have none of these inimitable colours to efface the + harsher likeness! We can but oppose facts to wit, truth to satire. + --How unequal the pencils! yet what these lines cannot do they may + suggest: they may induce the reader to reflect, that if the prince + was defective in the transient varnish of a court, he at least was + adorned by the arts with that polish which alone can make a court + attract the attention of subsequent ages."--Catalogue of Engravers, + p 135, 8vo ed.] + +He was brave and courageous, even to rashness; but cross-grained +and incorrigibly obstinate: his genius was fertile in mathematical +experiments, and he possessed some knowledge of chemistry: he was polite +even to excess, unseasonably; but haughty, and even brutal, when he +ought to have been gentle and courteous: he was tall, and his manners +were ungracious: he had a dry hard-favoured visage, and a stern look, +even when he wished to please; but, when he was out of humour, he was +the true picture of reproof. + +The queen had sent for the players, either that there might be no +intermission in the diversions of the place, or, perhaps, to retort upon +Miss Stewart, by the presence of Nell Gwyn, part of the uneasiness she +felt from hers. Prince Rupert found charms in the person of another +player called Hughes, who brought down and greatly subdued his natural +fierceness. + + [Mrs. Hughes was one of the actresses belonging to the king's + company, and one of the earliest female performers. According to + Downs, she commenced her theatrical career after the opening of + Drury lane theatre, in 1663. She appears to have been the first + female representative of Desdemona. By Prince Rupert she had a + daughter, named Ruperta, married to Lieutenant-general Howe, who + survived her husband many years, dying at Somerset house, about the + year 1740.] + +From this time, adieu alembics, crucibles, furnaces, and all the +black furniture of the forges: a complete farewell to all mathematical +instruments and chemical speculations: sweet powder and essences were +now the only ingredients that occupied any share of his attention. The +impertinent gipsy chose to be attacked in form; and proudly refusing +money, that, in the end she might sell her favours at a dearer rate, +she caused the poor prince to act a part so unnatural, that he no longer +appeared like the same person. The king was greatly pleased with this +event, for which great rejoicings were made at Tunbridge; but nobody was +bold enough to make it the subject of satire, though the same constraint +was not observed with other ridiculous personages. + +There was dancing every day at the queen's apartments, because the +physicians recommended it, and no person thought it amiss: for even +those who cared least for it, chose that exercise to digest the waters +rather than walking. Lord Muskerry thought himself secure against +his lady's rage for dancing; for, although he was ashamed of it, the +princess of Babylon was, by the grace of God, six or seven months +advanced in pregnancy; and, to complete her misfortune, the child had +fallen all on one side, so that even Euclid would have been puzzled to +say what her figure was. The disconsolate lady, seeing Miss Hamilton +and Mrs. Wetenhall set out every morning, sometimes on horseback and +sometimes in a coach, but ever attended by a gallant troop to conduct +them to court, and to convey them back, she fancied a thousand times +more delights at Tunbridge than in reality there were, and she did not +cease in her imagination, to dance over at Summer-hill all the country +dances which she thought had been danced at Tunbridge. She could no +longer support the racking torments which disturbed her mind, when +relenting heaven, out of pity to her pains and sufferings, caused Lord +Muskerry to repair to London, and kept him there two whole days: as soon +as ever he had turned his back, the Babylonian princess declared her +resolution to make a trip to court. + +She had a domestic chaplain who did not want sense, and Lord Muskerry, +for fear of accidents, had recommended her to the wholesome counsels and +good prayers of this prudent divine; but in vain were all his preachings +and exhortations to stay at home; in vain did he set before her eyes her +husband's commands, and the dangers to which she would expose herself +in her present condition; he likewise added that her pregnancy, being a +particular blessing from heaven, she ought therefore to be so much the +more careful for its preservation, since it cost her husband, perhaps, +more trouble than she was aware of, to obtain it. These remonstrances +were altogether ineffectual: Miss Hamilton and her cousin Wetenhall, +having the complaisance to confirm her in her resolution, they assisted +in dressing her the next morning, and set out along with her all their +skill and dexterity were requisite to reduce her shape into some kind of +symmetry; but, having at last pinned a small cushion under her petticoat +on the right side, to counteract the untoward appearance the little +infant occasioned by throwing itself on the left, they almost split +their sides with laughter, assuring her at the same time that she looked +perfectly charming. + +As soon as she appeared, it was generally believed that she had dressed +herself in a farthingale, in order to make her court to the queen; but +every person was pleased at her arrival: those who were unacquainted +with the circumstances assured her in earnest that she was pregnant +with twins; and the queen, who envied her condition, notwithstanding +the ridiculous appearance she then made, being made acquainted with the +motive of her journey, was determined to gratify her inclinations. + +As soon as the hour for country dances arrived, her cousin Hamilton was +appointed her partner: she made some faint excuses at first on account +of the inconvenient situation she was then in: but soon suffered them to +be overcome, in order, as she said, to show her duty to the queen; and +never did a woman in this world enjoy such complete satisfaction. + +We have already observed, that the greatest prosperity is liable to the +greatest change: Lady Muskerry, trussed up as she was, seemed to feel no +manner of uneasiness from the motion in dancing; on the contrary, being +only apprehensive of the presence of her husband, which would have +destroyed all her happiness, she danced with uncommon briskness, lest +her ill stars should bring him back before she had fully satisfied +herself with it. In the midst, therefore, of her capering in this +indiscreet manner, her cushion came loose, without her perceiving it, +and fell to the ground in the very middle of the first round. The Duke +of Buckingham, who watched her, took it up instantly, wrapped it up in +his coat, and, mimicking the cries of a new-born infant, he went about +inquiring for a nurse for the young Muskerry among the maids of honour. + +This buffoonery, joined to the strange figure of the poor lady, had +almost thrown Miss Stewart into hysterics; for the princess of Babylon, +after this accident, was quite flat on one side, and immoderately +protuberant on the other. All those who had before suppressed their +inclinations to laugh, now gave themselves free scope, when they saw +that Miss Stewart was ready to split her sides. The poor lady was +greatly disconcerted: every person was officious to console her; but +the queen, who inwardly laughed more heartily than any, pretended to +disapprove of their taking such liberties. + +Whilst Miss Hamilton and Mrs. Wetenhall endeavoured to refit Lady +Muskerry in another room, the Duke of Buckingham told the king that, +if the physicians would permit a little exercise immediately after a +delivery, the best way to recover Lady Muskerry was to renew the dance +as soon as ever her infant was replaced; this advice was approved, +and accordingly put in execution. The queen proposed, as soon as she +appeared, a second round of country-dances; and Lady Muskerry accepting +the offer, the remedy had its desired effect, and entirely removed every +remembrance of her late mishap. + +Whilst these things were passing at the king's court, that of the Duke +of York took a journey on the other side of London; the pretence of this +journey was to visit the county whose name he bore; but love was the +real motive. The duchess, since her elevation, had conducted herself +with such prudence and circumspection, as could not be sufficiently +admired: such were her manners, and such the general estimation in which +she was held, that she appeared to have found out the secret of pleasing +every one; a secret yet more rare than the grandeur to which she had +been raised: but, after having gained universal esteem, she was +desirous of being more particularly beloved; or, more properly speaking, +malicious Cupid assaulted her heart, in spite of the discretion, +prudence, and reason, with which she had fortified it. + +In vain had she said to herself a hundred times, that if the duke had +been so kind as to do her justice by falling in love with her, he had +done her too much honour by making her his wife; that with respect to +his inconstant disposition, which estranged him from her, she ought to +bear it with patience, until it pleased heaven to produce a change in +his conduct; that the frailties on his part, which might to her appear +injurious, would never justify in her the least deviation from her duty; +and, as resentment was still less allowable, she ought to endeavour to +regain him by a conduct entirely opposite to his own. In vain was it, as +we have said before, that she had long resisted Love and his emissaries +by the help of these maxims: how solid soever reason, and however +obstinate wisdom and virtue may be, there are yet certain attacks which +tire by their length, and, in the end, subdue both reason and virtue +itself. + +The Duchess of York was one of the highest feeders in England: as +this was an unforbidden pleasure she indulged herself in it, as an +indemnification for other self-denials. It was really an edifying sight +to see her at table. The duke, on the contrary, being incessantly in +the hurry of new fancies, exhausted himself by his inconstancy, and was +gradually wasting away; whilst the poor princess, gratifying her good +appetite, grew so fat and plump that it was a blessing to see her. It +is not easy to determine how long things would have continued in this +situation, if Love, who was resolved to have satisfaction for her late +conduct, so opposite to the former, had not employed artifice as well as +force, to disturb her repose. + +He at first let loose upon her resentment and jealousy two mortal +enemies to all tranquillity and happiness. A tall creature, pale-faced, +and nothing but skin and bone, named Churchill, whom she had taken for a +maid of honour, became the object of her jealousy, because she was then +the object of the duke's affection. The court was not able to comprehend +how, after having been in love with Lady Chesterfield, Miss Hamilton, +and Miss Jennings, he could have any inclination for such a creature; +but they soon perceived that something more than unaccountable variety +had a great share in effecting this conquest. + + [Miss Arabella Churchill, daughter of Sir Winston Churchill of + Wotton Basset, in the county of Wilts, and sister to the celebrated + John, Duke of Marlborough. She was born 1648.] + +The duchess beheld with indignation a choice which seemed to debase her +own merit in a much greater degree than any of the former; at the very +instant that indignation and jealousy began to provoke her spleen, +perfidious Cupid threw in the way of her passions and resentments the +amiable, handsome Sidney; and, whilst he kept her eyes fixed upon +his personal perfections, diverted her attention from perceiving the +deficiency of his mental accomplishments: she was wounded before she was +aware of her danger; but the good opinion Sidney had of his own merit +did not suffer him long to be ignorant of such a glorious conquest; +and, in order more effectually to secure it, his eyes rashly answered +everything which those of her royal highness had the kindness to tell +him, whilst his personal accomplishments were carefully heightened by +all the advantages of dress and show. + +The duchess, foreseeing the consequences of such an engagement, strongly +combated the inclination that hurried her away; but Miss Hobart, siding +with that inclination, argued the matter with her scruples, and, in the +end, really vanquished them. This girl had insinuated herself into +her royal highness's confidence by a fund of news with which she was +provided the whole year round: the court and the city supplied her; nor +was it very material to her whether her stories were true or false, her +chief care being that they should prove agreeable to her mistress: she +knew, likewise, how to gratify her palate, and constantly provided +a variety of those dishes and liquors which she liked best. These +qualifications had rendered her necessary; but, desirous of being still +more so, and having perceived both the airs that Sidney gave himself, +and what was passing in the heart of her mistress, the cunning Hobart +took the liberty of telling her royal highness that this unfortunate +youth was pining away solely on her account; that it was a thousand +pities a man of his figure should lose the respect for her which was +most certainly her due, merely because she had reduced him to such a +state that he could no longer preserve it; that he was gradually dying +away on her account, in the sight of the whole court; that his situation +would soon be generally remarked, except she made use of the proper +means to prevent it; that, in her opinion, her royal highness ought to +pity the miserable situation into which her charms had reduced him, and +to endeavour to alleviate his pain in some way or other. The duchess +asked her what she meant by "endeavouring to alleviate his pain in some +way or other." "I mean, madam," answered Miss Hobart, "that, if either +his person be disagreeable, or his passion troublesome, you will give +him his discharge; or, if you choose to retain him in your service, as +all the princesses in the world would do in your place, you will permit +me to give him directions from you for his future conduct, mixed with a +few grains of hope, to prevent his entirely losing his senses, until +you find a proper occasion yourself to acquaint him with your wishes." +"What!" said the duchess, "would you advise me, Hobart--you, who really +love me--to engage in an affair of this nature, at the expense of my +honour, and the hazard of a thousand inconveniences! If such frailties +are sometimes excusable, they certainly are not so in the high station +in which I am placed; and it would be an ill-requital on my part for his +goodness who raised me to the rank I now fill to----" "All this is very +fine," interrupted Miss Hobart: "but is it not very well known that he +only married you because he was importuned so to do? Since that I refer +to yourself whether he has ever restrained his inclination a single +moment, giving you the most convincing proofs of the change that has +taken place in his heart, by a thousand provoking infidelities? Is it +still your intention to persevere in a state of indolence and humility, +whilst the duke, after having received the favours, or suffered the +repulses, of all the coquettes in England, pays his addresses to the +maids of honour, one after the other, and at present places his whole +ambition and desires in the conquest of that ugly skeleton, Churchill? +What! Madam, must then your prime of life be spent in a sort of +widowhood in deploring your misfortunes, without ever being permitted +to make use of any remedy that may offer? A woman must be endowed with +insuperable patience, or with an inexhaustible degree of resignation, to +bear this. Can a husband, who disregards you both night and day, really +suppose, because his wife eats and drinks heartily, as, God be thanked, +your royal highness does, that she wants nothing else than to sleep well +too? Faith, such conduct is too bad: I therefore once more repeat that +there is not a princess in the universe who would refuse the homage of a +man like Sidney, when a husband pays his addresses elsewhere." + +These reasons were certainly not morally good; but had they been still +worse the duchess would have yielded to them, so much did her heart act +in concert with Miss Hobart, to overthrow her discretion and prudence. + +This intrigue began at the very time that Miss Hobart advised Miss +Temple not to give any encouragement to the addresses of the handsome +Sidney. As for him, no sooner was he informed by the confidant Hobart +that the goddess accepted his adoration than he immediately began to +be particularly reserved and circumspect in his behaviour, in order +to divert the attention of the public; but the public is not so easily +deceived as some people imagine. + +As there were too many spies, too many inquisitive people and critics, +in a numerous court, residing in the midst of a populous city, the +duchess to avoid exposing the inclinations of her heart to the scrutiny +of so many inquisitors, engaged the Duke of York to undertake the +journey before mentioned, whilst the queen and her court were at +Tunbridge. + +This conduct was prudent; and, if agreeable to her, was far from +displeasing to any of her court, except Miss Jennings: Jermyn was not of +the party; and, in her opinion, every party was insipid in which he was +not one of the company. He had engaged himself in an enterprise above +his strength, in laying a wager which the Chevalier de Grammont had +laid before, and lost. He betted five hundred guineas that he would ride +twenty miles in one hour upon the same horse, in the high road. The day +he had fixed upon for this race was the very same in which Miss Jennings +went to the fortune-teller's. + +Jermyn was more fortunate than her in this undertaking he came off +victorious; but as his courage had far exceeded the strength of his +constitution in this exertion to win the wager, he got a violent fever +into the bargain, which brought him very low. Miss Jennings inquired +after his health; but that was all she dared to do. In modern romances, +a princess need only pay a visit to some hero, abandoned by his +physicians, a perfect cure would be wrought in three days; but since +Miss Jennings had not been the cause of Jermyn's fever, she was not +certain of relieving him from it, although she had been sure that a +charitable visit would not have been censured in a malicious court. +Without therefore paying any attention to the uneasiness she might feel +upon the occasion, the court set out without him: she had, however, the +gratification to testify her ill-humour throughout the whole journey, by +appearing displeased with everything which seemed to afford satisfaction +to all the rest of the company. + +Talbot made one of the company; and flattering himself that the absence +of a dangerous rival might produce some change in his favour, he was +attentive to all the actions, motions, and even gestures, of his former +mistress. There was certainly enough fully to employ his attention: it +was contrary to her disposition to remain long in a serious humour. Her +natural vivacity hurried her away, from being seemingly lost in thought, +into sallies of wit, which afforded him hopes that she would soon +forget Jermyn, and remember that his own passion was the first she had +encouraged. However, he kept his distance, notwithstanding his love +and his hopes, being of opinion that it ill became an injured lover to +betray either the least weakness, or the smallest return of affection, +for an ungrateful mistress, who had deserted him. + +Miss Jennings was so far from thinking of his resentments, that she +did not even recollect he had ever paid his addresses to her; and her +thoughts being wholly occupied upon the poor sick man, she conducted +herself towards Talbot as if they never had had anything to say to each +other. It was to him that she most usually gave her hand, either in +getting into or out of the coach; she conversed more readily with him +than any other person, and, without intending it, did everything to make +the court believe she was cured of her passion for Jermyn in favour of +her former lover. + +Of this he seemed likewise convinced, as well as the rest; and thinking +it now proper to act another part, in order to let her know that his +sentiments with respect to her were still the same, he had resolved +to address her in the most tender and affectionate manner upon this +subject. Fortune seemed to have favoured him, and to have smoothed the +way for this intended harangue: he was alone with her in her chamber; +and, what was still better, she was rallying him concerning Miss +Boynton; saying, "that they were undoubtedly much obliged to him for +attending them on their journey, whilst poor Miss Boynton had fainting +fits at Tunbridge, at least twice every day, for love of him." Upon +this discourse, Talbot thought it right to begin the recital of his +sufferings and fidelity, when Miss Temple, with a paper in her hand, +entered the room. This was a letter in verse, which Lord Rochester had +written some time before, upon the intrigues of the two courts; wherein, +upon the subject of Miss Jennings, he said: "that Talbot had struck +terror among the people of God, by his gigantic stature; but that +Jermyn, like a little David, had vanquished the great Goliath." +Jennings, delighted with this allusion, read it over two or three +times, thought it more entertaining than Talbot's conversation, at first +heartily laughed at it, but soon after, with a tender air, "Poor little +David!" said she, with a deep sigh, and turning her head on one side +during this short reverie, she shed a few tears, which assuredly did not +flow for the defeat of the giant. This stung Talbot to the quick; and, +seeing himself so ridiculously deceived in his hopes, he went abruptly +out of the room, vowing never to think any more of a giddy girl, whose +conduct was regulated neither by sense nor reason; but he did not keep +his resolution. + +The other votaries of love, who were numerous in this court, were more +successful, the journey being undertaken solely on that account. There +were continual balls and entertainments upon the road; hunting, and all +other diversions, wherever the court halted in its progress. The tender +lovers flattered themselves with the thought of being able to crown +their happiness as they proceeded in their journey; and the beauties +who governed their destiny did not forbid them to hope. Sidney paid his +court with wonderful assiduity: the duchess made the duke take notice +of his late perfect devotion to his service: his royal highness +observed it, and agreed that he ought to be remembered upon the first +opportunity, which happened soon after. + +Montagu, as before mentioned, was master of the horse to the duchess: +he was possessed of a great deal of wit, had much penetration, and loved +mischief. How could she bear such a man near her person, in the present +situation of her heart? This greatly embarrassed her; but Montagu's +elder brother having, very a-propos, got himself killed where he had no +business, the duke obtained for Montagu the post of master of the horse +to the queen, which the deceased enjoyed; and the handsome Sidney was +appointed to succeed him in the same employment to the duchess. All this +happened according to her wish; and the duke was highly pleased that he +had found means to promote these two gentlemen at once, without being at +the least expense. + +Miss Hobart greatly applauded these promotions: she had frequent and +long conversations with Sidney, which, being remarked, some did her the +honour to believe it was upon her own account; and the compliments that +were made her upon the occasion she most willingly received. The duke, +who believed it at first, observed to the duchess the unaccountable +taste of certain persons, and how the handsomest young fellow in England +was infatuated with such a frightful creature. + +The duchess confessed that taste was very arbitrary; the truth whereof +he himself seemed to be convinced of, since he had fixed upon the +beauteous Helen for his mistress. I know not whether this raillery +caused him to reflect for what reasons he had made his choice; but it +is certain he began to cool in his affections for Miss Churchill; +and perhaps he would entirely have abandoned this pursuit, had not an +accident taken place, which raised in him an entirely new inclination +for her. + +The court having halted for a few days in a fine open country, the +duchess was desirous of seeing a greyhound course. This diversion is +practised in England upon large downs, where the turf, eaten by the +sheep, is particularly green, and wonderfully even. She was in her +coach, and all the ladies on horseback, every one of them being attended +by her squire; it therefore was but reasonable that the mistress should +likewise have her squire. He accordingly was at the side of her coach, +and seemed to compensate for his deficiencies in conversation, by the +uncommon beauty of his mien and figure. + +The duke attended Miss Churchill, not for the sake of besieging her with +soft flattering tales of love, but, on the contrary, to chide her for +sitting so ill on horseback: She was one of the most indolent creatures +in the world; and although the maids of honour are generally the worst +mounted of the whole court, yet, in order to distinguish her, on account +of the favour she enjoyed, they had given her a very pretty, though +rather a high-spirited horse; a distinction she would very willingly +have excused them. + +The embarrassment and fear she was under had added to her natural +paleness. In this situation, her countenance had almost completed +the duke's disgust, when her horse, desirous of keeping pace with the +others, set off in a gallop, notwithstanding her greatest efforts to +prevent it; and her endeavours to hold him in, firing his mettle, he at +length set off at full speed, as if he was running a race against the +duke's horse. + +Miss Churchill lost her seat, screamed out, and fell from her horse. +A fall in so quick a pace must have been violent; and yet it proved +favourable to her in every respect; for, without receiving any hurt, she +gave the lie to all the unfavourable suppositions that had been formed +of her person, in judging from her face. The duke alighted, in order to +help her: she was so greatly stunned, that her thoughts were otherwise +employed than about decency on the present occasion; and those who first +crowded around her found her rather in a negligent posture: they could +hardly believe that limbs of such exquisite beauty could belong to Miss +Churchill's face. After this accident, it was remarked that the duke's +tenderness and affection for her increased every day; and, towards the +end of the winter, it appeared that she had not tyrannized over his +passion, nor made him languish with impatience. + +The two courts returned to London much about the same time, equally +satisfied with their respective excursions; though the queen was +disappointed in the hopes she had entertained of the good effects of the +Tunbridge waters. + +It was about this time that the Chevalier de Grammont received a letter +from the Marchioness de Saint-Chaumont, his sister, acquainting him, +that he might return when he thought proper, the king having given him +leave. He would have received this news with joy at any other time, +whatever had been the charms of the English court; but, in the present +situation of his heart, he could not resolve to quit it. + +He had returned from Tunbridge a thousand times deeper in love than +ever; for, during this agreeable excursion, he had every day seen +Miss Hamilton, either in the marshes of melancholy Peckham, or in the +delicious walks of cheerful Summerhill, or in the daily diversions +and entertainments of the queen's court; and whether he saw her on +horseback, heard her conversation, or observed her in the dance, still +he was persuaded that Heaven had never formed an object in every respect +more worthy of the love, and more deserving of the affection, of a man +of sense and delicacy. How then was it possible for him to bear the +thoughts of leaving her? This appeared to him absolutely impracticable; +however, as he was desirous of making a merit with her, of the +determination he had made to neglect his fortune, rather than to be +separated from her charms, he showed her his sister's letter: but this +confidence had not the success he expected. + +Miss Hamilton, in the first place, congratulated him upon his recall: +She returned him many thanks for the sacrifice he intended to make her; +but as this testimony of affection greatly exceeded the bounds of mere +gallantry, however sensibly she might feel this mark of his tenderness, +she was, however, determined not to abuse it. In vain did he protest +that he would rather meet death than part from her irresistible charms; +and her irresistible charms protested that he should never see them +more, unless he departed immediately. Thus was he forced to obey. +However, he was allowed to flatter himself, that these positive orders, +how harsh soever they might appear, did not flow from indifference; +that she would always be more pleased with his return than with his +departure, for which she was now so urgent; and having generously given +him assurances that, so far as depended upon herself, he would find, +upon his return, no variation in her sentiments during his absence, he +took leave of his friends, thinking of nothing but his return, at the +very time he was making preparations for his departure. + + + + +CHAPTER ELEVENTH. RETURN OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT TO FRANCE--HE IS SENT +BACK TO ENGLAND--VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THIS COURT, AND MARRIAGE OF +MOST OF THE HEROES OF THESE MEMOIRS + + +The nearer the Chevalier de Grammont approached the court of France, the +more did he regret his absence from that of England. + +A thousand different thoughts occupied his mind upon the journey: +Sometimes he reflected upon the joy and satisfaction his friends +and relations would experience upon his return; sometimes upon the +congratulations and embraces of those who, being neither the one nor the +other, would, nevertheless, overwhelm him with impertinent compliments: +All these ideas passed quickly through his head; for a man deeply in +love makes it a scruple of conscience not to suffer any other thoughts +to dwell upon his mind than those of the object beloved. It was then +the tender, endearing remembrance of what he had left in London that +diverted his thoughts from Paris; and it was the torments of absence +that prevented his feeling those of the bad roads and the bad horses. +His heart protested to Miss Hamilton, between Montreuil and Abbeville +that he only tore himself from her with such haste, to return the +sooner; after which, by a short reflection, comparing the regret he had +formerly felt upon the same road, in quitting France for England, with +that which he now experienced, in quitting England for France, he found +the last much more insupportable than the former. + +It is thus that a man in love entertains himself upon the road; or +rather, it is thus that a trifling writer abuses the patience of his +reader, either to display his own sentiments, or to lengthen out a +tedious story; but God forbid that this character should apply to +ourselves, since we profess to insert nothing in these memoirs, but +what we have heard from the mouth of him whose actions and sayings we +transmit to posterity. + +Who, except Squire Feraulas, has ever been able to keep a register of +all the thoughts, sighs, and exclamations, of his illustrious master? +For my own part, I should never have thought that the attention of the +Count de Grammont, which is at present so sensible to inconveniences +and dangers, would have ever permitted him to entertain amorous thoughts +upon the road, if he did not himself dictate to me what I am now +writing. + +But let us speak of him at Abbeville. The postmaster was his old +acquaintance: His hotel was the best provided of any between Calais and +Paris; and the Chevalier de Grammont, alighting, told Termes he would +drink a glass of wine during the time they were changing horses. It +was about noon; and, since the preceding night, when they had landed at +Calais, until this instant, they had not eat a single mouthful. Termes, +praising the Lord, that natural feelings had for once prevailed over the +inhumanity of his usual impatience, confirmed him as much as possible in +such reasonable sentiments. + +Upon their entering the kitchen, where the Chevalier generally paid his +first visit, they were surprised to see half a dozen spits loaded +with game at the fire, and every other preparation for a magnificent +entertainment. The heart of Termes leaped for joy: he gave private +orders to the hostler to pull the shoes off some of the horses, that +he might not be forced away from this place before he had satisfied his +craving appetite. + +Soon after, a number of violins and hautboys, attended by all the mob +of the town, entered the court. The landlord, being asked the reason of +these great preparations, acquainted the Chevalier de Grammont that +they were for the wedding of one of the most wealthy gentlemen in the +neighbourhood with one of the handsomest girls in the whole province; +that the entertainment was to be at his house; and that, if his lordship +chose to stop, in a very short time he would see the new-married couple +arrive from the church, since the music was already come. He was right +in his conjectures; for these words were scarce out of his mouth, when +three uncommonly large coaches, loaded with lackeys, as tall as Swiss, +with most gaudy liveries, all covered with lace, appeared in the +court, and disembarked the whole wedding company. Never was country +magnificence more naturally displayed: Rusty tinsel, tarnished lace, +striped silks, little eyes, and full swelling breasts, appeared on every +side. + +If the first sight of the procession surprised the Chevalier de +Grammont, faithful Termes was no less astonished at the second. The +little that was to be seen of the bride's face appeared not without +beauty; but no judgment could be formed of the remainder: Four dozen +of patches, at least, and ten ringlets of hair, on each side, most +completely concealed her from all human eyes; but it was the bridegroom +who most particularly attracted the Chevalier de Grammont's attention. + +He was as ridiculously dressed as the rest of the company, except a +coat of the greatest magnificence, and of the most exquisite taste. The +Chevalier de Grammont, walking up to him to examine his dress, began to +commend the embroidery of his coat. The bridegroom thought himself much +honoured by this examination, and told him he bought it for one hundred +and fifty louis, at the time he was paying his addresses to his wife. +"Then you did not get it made here?" said the Chevalier de Grammont. +"No," replied the other; "I bought it of a London merchant, who had +ordered it for an English lord." The Chevalier de Grammont, who now +began to perceive in what manner the adventure would end, asked him if +he should recollect the merchant if he saw him again? "Recollect him!" +replied the other, "I surely ought; for I was obliged to sit up drinking +with him all night at Calais, as I was endeavouring to beat down the +price." Termes had vanished out of sight as soon as ever this coat +appeared, though he little supposed that the cursed bridegroom would +have any conversation concerning it with his master. + +The Chevalier's thoughts were some time wavering between his inclination +to laugh, and a desire of hanging Master Termes; but the long habit +of suffering himself to be robbed by his domestics, together with the +vigilance of the criminal, whom his master could not reproach with +having slept in his service, inclined him to clemency; and yielding to +the importunities of the country gentleman, in order to confound his +faithful servant, he sat down to table, to make the thirty-seventh of +the company. + +A short time after, he desired one of the waiters to call for a +gentleman whose name was Termes. He immediately appeared; and as soon +as the master of the feast saw him, he rose from table, and offering him +his hand; "Welcome, my friend," said he; "you see that I have taken good +care of the coat which you sold me with so much reluctance, and that I +have kept it for a good purpose." + +Termes, having put on a face of brass, pretended not to know him, and +pushed him back with some degree of rudeness. "No, no!" said the other; +"since I was obliged to sit up with you the whole night, in order to +strike the bargain, you shall pledge me in the bride's health." +The Chevalier de Grammont, who saw that Termes was disconcerted, +notwithstanding his impudence, said to him with a smile: "Come, come, +my good London merchant, sit down, as you are so civilly invited: we are +not so crowded at table but that there will be room enough for such an +honest gentleman as yourself." At these words five-and-thirty of the +guests were in motion to receive this new visitor: the bride alone, out +of an idea of decorum, remained seated; and the audacious Termes, having +swallowed the first shame of this adventure, began to lay about him at +such a rate, as if it had been his intention to swallow all the wine +provided for the wedding, if his master had not risen from the table as +they were taking off four-and-twenty soups, to serve up as many other +dishes in their stead. + +The company were not so unreasonable as to desire a man who was in such +haste to remain to the end of a wedding dinner; but they all got up when +he arose from table, and all that he could obtain from the bridegroom +was that the company should not attend him to the gate of the inn. As +for Termes, he wished they had not quitted him till the end of their +journey, so much did he dread being left alone with his master. + +They had advanced some distance from Abbeville, and were proceeding on +in the most profound silence, when Termes, who expected an end to it +in a short time, was only solicitous in what manner it might happen, +whether his master would attack him with a torrent of invectives, and +certain epithets which were most justly his due, or whether, in an +insulting, ironical manner, he might make use of such commendations as +were most likely to confound him; but finding, instead of either, that +he remained in sullen silence, he thought it prudent rather to prevent +the speech the Chevalier was meditating than to suffer him to think +longer about it; and, accordingly, arming himself with all his +effrontery: "You seem to be very angry, Sir," said he, "and I suppose +you think you have reason for being so; but the devil take me, if you +are not mistaken in reality." + +"How! traitor! in reality?" said the Chevalier de Grammont. "It is then +because I have not had thee well thrashed, as thou hast for a long +time merited." "Look ye, Sir," replied Termes, "you always run into a +passion, instead of listening to reason! Yes, Sir, I maintain that what +I did was for your benefit." "And was not the quicksand likewise for +my service?" said the Chevalier de Grammont. "Have patience, if +you please," pursued the other: "I know not how that simpleton of a +bridegroom happened to be at the custom-house when my portmanteau was +examined at Calais: but these silly cuckolds thrust in their noses +everywhere. As soon as ever he saw your coat, he fell in love with it. +I immediately perceived he was a fool; for he fell down upon his knees, +beseeching me to sell it him. Besides being greatly rumpled in the +portmanteau, it was all stained in front by the sweat of the horses. I +wonder how the devil he has managed to get it cleaned; but, faith, I am +the greatest scoundrel in the world, if you would ever have put it on. +In a word, it cost you one hundred and forty louis d'ors, and seeing he +offered me one hundred and fifty for it; 'My master,' said I, 'has no +occasion for this tinselled bauble to distinguish him at the ball; and, +although he was pretty full of cash when I left him, how know I in what +situation he may be upon my return? there is no certainty at play.' To +be brief, Sir, I got ten louis d'ors for it more than it cost you: this +you see is all clear profit: I will be accountable to you for it, and +you know that I am sufficiently substantial to make good such a sum. +Confess now, do you think you would have appeared to greater advantage +at the ball, if you had been dressed out in that damned coat, which +would have made you look just like the village bridegroom to whom we +sold it? and yet how you stormed at London when you thought it lost; +what fine stories you told the king about the quicksand; and how +churlish you looked, when you first began to suppose that this country +booby wore it at his wedding!" + +What could the Chevalier reply to such uncommon impudence? If he +indulged his resentment, he must either have most severely bastinadoed +him, or he must have discarded him, as the easiest escape the rogue +could expect; but he had occasion for him during the remainder of his +journey; and, as soon as he was at Paris, he had occasion for him for +his return. + +The Marechal de Grammont had no sooner notice of his arrival than he +went to him at the hotel; and, the first embraces being over on both +sides, "Chevalier," said the Marechal, "how many days have you been in +coming from London hither? for God knows at what a rate you travel on +such occasions." The Chevalier told him he had been three days upon the +road; and, to excuse himself for making no more haste, he related to +him his Abbeville adventure. "It is a very entertaining one," said his +brother; "but what is yet more entertaining is, that it will be your +fault if you do not find your coat still at table; for the country +gentry are not accustomed to rise very soon from a wedding dinner." And +then, in a very serious tone, told him, "he knew not who had advised him +to this unexpected return, which might probably ruin all his affairs; +but he had orders from the king to bid him go back again without +appearing at court. He told him afterwards that he was very much +astonished at his impatience, as, till this time, he had conducted +himself uncommonly well, and was sufficiently acquainted with the king's +temper to know that the only way to merit his pardon was to wait until +it freely came from his clemency." + +The Chevalier, in justification of his conduct, produced Madame de Saint +Chaumont's letter, and told the Marechal that he would very willingly +have spared her the trouble of writing him such kind of news, to +occasion him so useless a journey. "Still more indiscretion," replied +his brother; "for pray how long has our sister being either secretary of +state or minister, that she should be employed by the king to make known +his majesty's order? Do you wish to know the real state of the case? +Some time ago the king told Madame--[Henrietta]--how you had refused the +pension the King of England offered you. + + ["Henrietta, youngest daughter of Charles the First,--born at Exeter + 16th June, 1644, from whence she was removed to London in 1646, and, + with her governess, Lady Dalkeith, soon afterwards conveyed to + France. On the restoration, she came over to England with her + mother, but returned to France in about six months, and was married + to Philip, Duke of Orleans, only brother of Louis XIV. In May, + 1670, she came again to Dover, on a mission of a political nature, + it is supposed, from the French king to her brother, in which she + was successful. She died, soon after her return to France, + suddenly, not without suspicion of having been poisoned by her + husband. King James, in his Diary, says, 'On the 22d of June, the + news of the Duchess of Orleans' death arrived. It was suspected + that counter-poisons were given her; but when she was opened, in the + presence of the English ambassador, the Earl of Ailesbury, an + English physician and surgeon, there appeared no grounds of + suspicion of any foul play. Yet Bucks tallied openly that she was + poisoned; and was so violent as to propose to foreign ministers to + make war on France.'--Macpherson's Original Papers, vol i. At the + end of Lord Arlington's Letters are five very remarkable ones from a + person of quality, who is said to have been actually on the spot, + giving a particular relation of her death.] + +"He appeared pleased with the manner in which Comminges had related to +him the circumstances attending it, and said he was pleased with you for +it: Madame interpreted this as an order for your recall; and Madame de +Saint Chaumont being very far from possessing that wonderful discretion +she imagines herself mistress of, she hastened to despatch to you this +consequential order in her own hand. To conclude, Madame said yesterday, +when the king was at dinner, that you would very soon be here; and the +king, as soon as dinner was over, commanded me to send you back as soon +as you arrived. Here you are; set off again immediately." + +This order might have appeared severe to the Chevalier de Grammont at +any other time; but, in the present state of his heart, he soon resolved +upon obeying. Nothing gave him uneasiness but the officious advice +which had obliged him to leave the English court; and being entirely +unconcerned that he was not allowed to see the French court before his +departure, he only desired the Marechal to obtain leave for him to stay +a few days to collect in some play debts which were owing him. This +request was granted, on condition that he should not remain in Paris. + +He chose Vaugirard for his retreat: it was there that he had several +adventures which he so often related in so humorous and diverting a +manner, that it would be tedious to repeat them; there it was that he +administered the sacrament in so solemn a manner, that, as there did not +remain a sufficient number of Swiss at Versailles to guard the chapel, +Vardes was obliged to acquaint the king that they were all gone to the +Chevalier de Grammont, who was administering the sacrament at Vaugirard: +there likewise happened that wonderful adventure which threw the +first slur upon the reputation of the great Saucourt, when, having a +tete-a-tete with the gardener's daughter, the horn, which was agreed +upon as the signal to prevent surprises, was sounded so often, that +the frequent alarms cooled the courage of the celebrated Saucourt, and +rendered useless the assignation that was procured for him with one of +the prettiest girls in the neighbourhood. It was, likewise, during his +stay at Vaugirard, that he paid a visit to Mademoiselle de l'Hopital at +Issy, to inquire into the truth of a report of an amour between her +and a man of the long robe; and it was there that, on his arriving +unexpectedly, the President de Maisons was forced to take refuge in a +closet, with so much precipitation, that half of his robe remained on +the outside when he shut the door; while the Chevalier de Grammont, who +observed it, made his visit excessively long, in order to keep the two +lovers upon the rack. + +His business being settled, he set out for England on the wings of love. +Termes redoubled his vigilance upon the road. The post horses were +ready in an instant at every stage: the winds and tides favoured his +impatience; and he reached London with the highest satisfaction. The +court was both surprised and charmed at his sudden return. No person +condoled with him upon his late disappointment, which had occasioned +him to come back, as he testified no manner of uneasiness concerning it +himself: nor was Miss Hamilton in the least displeased at his readiness +in obeying the orders of the king his master. + +Nothing new had happened in the English court during his short absence; +but it assumed a different aspect soon after his return: I mean with +respect to love and pleasure, which were the most serious concerns of +the court during the greatest part of this gay reign. + +The Duke of Monmouth, natural son to Charles the Second, now made his +first appearance in his father's court. + + [James Duke of Monmouth, was the son of Charles the II., by one Lucy + Walters. He was born at Rotterdam, April 9, 1649, and bore the name + of James Crofts until the restoration. His education was chiefly at + Paris, under the eye of the queen-mother, and the government of + Thomas Ross, Esq., who was afterwards secretary to Mr. Coventry + during his embassy in Sweden. At the restoration, he was brought to + England, and received with joy by his father, who heaped honours and + riches upon him, which were not sufficient to satisfy his ambitious + views. To exclude his uncle, the Duke of York, from the throne, he + was continually intriguing with the opposers of government, and was + frequently in disgrace with his sovereign. On the accession of + James II. he made an ineffectual attempt to raise a rebellion, was + taken prisoner, and beheaded on Tower-hill, 15th July, 1685. Mr. + Macpherson has drawn his character in the following terms: + "Monmouth, highly beloved by the populace, was a fit instrument to + carry forward his (i.e. Shaftesbury's) designs. To a gracefulness + which prejudiced mankind in his favour as soon as seen, he joined an + affability which gained their love. Constant in his friendships, + and just to his word, by nature tender, and an utter enemy to + severity and cruelty, active and vigorous in his constitution, he + excelled in the manly exercises of the field. He was personally + brave. He loved the pomp and the very dangers of war. But with + these splendid qualities, he was vain to a degree of folly, + versatile in his measures, weak in his understanding. He was + ambitious without dignity, busy without consequence, attempting ever + to be artful, but always a fool. Thus, taking the applause of the + multitude for a certain mark of merit, he was the dupe of his own + vanity, and owed all his misfortunes to that weakness."--History of + England, vol. i., chap. iii.] + +His entrance upon the stage of the world was so brilliant, his ambition +had occasioned so many considerable events, and the particulars of his +tragical end are so recent, that it were needless to produce any other +traits to give a sketch of his character. By the whole tenor of his +life, he appeared to be rash in his undertakings, irresolute in the +execution, and dejected in his misfortunes, in which, at least, an +undaunted resolution ought to equal the greatness of the attempt. + +His figure and the exterior graces of his person were such, that nature +perhaps never formed anything more complete: His face was extremely +handsome; and yet it was a manly face, neither inanimate nor effeminate; +each feature having its beauty and peculiar delicacy: He had a wonderful +genius for every sort of exercise, an engaging aspect, and an air of +grandeur: in a word, he possessed every personal advantage; but then he +was greatly deficient in mental accomplishments. He had no sentiments +but such as others inspired him with; and those who first insinuated +themselves into his friendship, took care to inspire him with none but +such as were pernicious. The astonishing beauty of his outward form +caused universal admiration: those who before were looked upon as +handsome were now entirely forgotten at court: and all the gay and +beautiful of the fair sex were at his devotion. He was particularly +beloved by the king; but the universal terror of husbands and lovers. +This, however, did not long continue; for nature not having endowed him +with qualifications to secure the possession of the heart, the fair sex +soon perceived the defect. + +The Duchess of Cleveland was out of humour with the king, because +the children she had by his majesty were like so many little puppets, +compared to this new Adonis. She was the more particularly hurt, as she +might have boasted of being the queen of love, in comparison with the +duke's mother. + +The king, however, laughed at her reproaches, as, for some time, she had +certainly no right to make any; and, as this piece of jealousy appeared +to be more ill-founded than any she had formerly affected, no person +approved of her ridiculous resentment. Not succeeding in this, she +formed another scheme to give the king uneasiness: Instead of opposing +his extreme tenderness for his son, she pretended to adopt him, in her +affection, by a thousand commendations and caresses, which she was +daily and continually increasing. As these endearments were public, she +imagined they could not be suspected; but she was too well known for her +real design to be mistaken. The king was no longer jealous of her; +but, as the Duke of Monmouth was of an age not to be insensible to the +attractions of a woman possessing so many charms, he thought it proper +to withdraw him from this pretended mother-in-law, to preserve his +innocence, or at least his fame, uncontaminated: it was for this reason, +therefore, that the king married him so young. An heiress of five +thousand pounds a-year in Scotland, offered very a-propos: her person +was full of charms, and her mind possessed all those perfections in +which the handsome Monmouth was deficient. + + [This was Lady Anne Scott, daughter and sole heir of Francis, Earl + of Buccleugh, only son and heir of Walter, Lord Scott, created Earl + of Buccleugh in 1619. On their marriage the duke took the surname + of Scott, and he and his lady were created Duke and Duchess of + Buccleugh, Earl and Countess of Dalkeith, Baron and Baroness of + Whitchester and Ashdale in Scotland, by letters patent, dated April + 20th, 1673. Also, two days after he was installed at Windsor, the + king and queen, the Duke of York, and most of the court being + present. The next day, being St. George's day, his majesty + solemnized it with a royal feast, and entertained the knights + companions in St. George's hall in the castle of Windsor. Though + there were several children of this marriage, it does not appear to + have been a happy one; the duke, without concealment attaching + himself to Lady Harriet Wentworth, whom, with his dying breath, he + declared he considered as his only wife in the sight of God. The + duchess, in May, 1688, took to her second husband Charles, Lord + Cornwallis. She died Feb. 6, 1731-32, in the 81st year of her age, + and was buried at Dalkeith in Scotland. Our author is not more + correct about figures than he avows himself to be in the arrangement + of facts and dates: the duchess's fortune was much greater than he + has stated it to have been.] + +New festivals and entertainments celebrated this marriage. The most +effectual method to pay court to the king, was to outshine the rest in +brilliancy and grandeur; and whilst these rejoicings brought forward +all manner of gallantry and magnificence, they either revived old, or +established new amours. + +The fair Stewart, then in the meridian of her glory, attracted all eyes, +and commanded universal respect and admiration. The Duchess of Cleveland +endeavoured to eclipse her at this fate, by a load of jewels, and by all +the artificial ornaments of dress; but it was in vain: her face looked +rather thin and pale, from the commencement of a third or fourth +pregnancy, which the king was still pleased to place to his own +account; and, as for the rest, her person could in no respect stand in +competition with the grace and beauty of Miss Stewart. + +It was during this last effort of her charms, that she would have been +queen of England, had the king been as free to give his hand as he +was to surrender his heart: for it was at this time that the Duke of +Richmond took it into his head either to marry her, or to die in the +attempt. + +A few months after the celebration of the Duke of Monmouth's nuptials, +Killegrew, having nothing better to do; fell in love with Lady +Shrewsbury; and, as Lady Shrewsbury, by a very extraordinary chance, +had no engagement at that time, their amour was soon established. No one +thought of interrupting an intimacy which did not concern any one; but +Killegrew thought proper to disturb it himself. Not that his happiness +fell short of his expectation, nor did possession put him out of love +with a situation so enviable; but he was amazed that he was not envied, +and offended that his good fortune raised him no rivals. + +He possessed a great deal of wit, and still more eloquence, which most +particularly displayed itself when he was a little elevated with +the juice of the grape: he then indulged himself in giving luxurious +descriptions of Lady Shrewsbury's most secret charms and beauties, which +above half the court were as well acquainted with as himself. + +The Duke of Buckingham was one of those who could only judge from +outward appearances: and appearances, in his opinion, did not seem to +promise any thing so exquisite as the extravagant praises of Killegrew +would infer. As this indiscreet lover was a frequent guest at the Duke +of Buckingham's table, he was continually employing his rhetoric on +this subject, and he had full opportunity for his harangues; for they +generally sat down to dinner at four o'clock, and only rose just in time +for the play in the evening. + +The Duke of Buckingham, whose ears were continually deafened with +descriptions of Lady Shrewsbury's merits, resolved at last to examine +into the truth of the matter himself. As soon as he had made the +experiment, he was satisfied; and, though he fancied that fame did not +exceed the truth, yet this intrigue began in such a manner, that it +was generally believed its duration would be short, considering, the +fickleness of both parties, and the vivacity with which they had engaged +in it: nevertheless, no amour in England ever continued so long. + +The imprudent Killegrew, who could not be satisfied without rivals, was +obliged, in the end, to be satisfied without a mistress. This he bore +very impatiently; but so far was Lady Shrewsbury from hearkening to, or +affording any redress for the grievances at first complained of, that +she pretended even not to know him. His spirit could not brook such +treatment; and without ever considering that he was the author of +his own disgrace, he let loose all his abusive eloquence against her +ladyship: he attacked her with the most bitter invectives from head to +foot: he drew a frightful picture of her conduct; and turned all her +personal charms, which he used to extol, into defects. He was privately +warned of the inconveniences to which these declamations might subject +him, but despised the advice, and, persisting, he soon had reason to +repent it. + +As he was returning one evening from the Duke of York's apartments at +St. James's, three passes with a sword were made at him through his +chair, one of which went entirely through his arm. Upon this, he was +sensible of the danger to which his intemperate tongue had exposed him, +over and above the loss of his mistress. The assassins made their escape +across the Park, not doubting but they had dispatched him. + +Killegrew thought that all complaints would be useless; for what redress +from justice could he expect for an attempt of which his wounds were +his only evidence? And, besides, he was convinced that if he began +a prosecution founded upon appearances and conjectures, the parties +concerned would take the shortest and most effectual means to put a stop +to all inquiries upon the subject, and that their second attempt would +not prove ineffectual. Being desirous, therefore, of deserving mercy +from those who had endeavoured to assassinate him, he no longer +continued his satires, and said not a word of the adventure. The Duke of +Buckingham and Lady Shrewsbury remained for a long period both happy and +contented. Never before had her constancy been of so long a duration; +nor had he ever been so submissive and respectful a lover. + +This continued until Lord Shrewsbury, who never before had shown the +least uneasiness at his lady's misconduct, thought proper to resent +this: it was public enough, indeed, but less dishonourable to her than +any of her former intrigues. Poor Lord Shrewsbury, too polite a man to +make any reproaches to his wife, was resolved to have redress for his +injured honour: he accordingly challenged the Duke of Buckingham; and +the Duke of Buckingham, as a reparation for his honour, having killed +him upon the spot, remained a peaceable possessor of this famous Helen. +The public was at first shocked at the transaction; but the public grows +familiar with everything by habit, and by degrees both decency, and even +virtue itself, are rendered tame, and overcome. The queen was at the +head of those who exclaimed against so public and scandalous a crime, +and against the impunity of such a wicked act. As the Duchess of +Buckingham was a short fat body, like her majesty, who never had had any +children, and whom her husband had abandoned for another; this sort of +parallel in their situations interested the queen in her favour; but +it was all in vain: no person paid any attention to them; the +licentiousness of the age went on uncontrolled, though the queen +endeavoured to raise up the serious part of the nation, the politicians +and devotees, as enemies against it. + +The fate of this princess was in many cases truly melancholy: The king, +indeed, paid her every outward attention; but that was all: She easily +perceived that the respect he entertained for her daily diminished, in +proportion as the credit of her rivals increased: She saw that the king +her husband was now totally indifferent about legitimate children, since +his all-charming mistresses bore him others. As all the happiness of her +life depended upon that blessing, and as she flattered herself that the +king would prove kinder to her if Heaven would vouchsafe to grant +her desires, she had recourse to all the celebrated secrets against +sterility: pious vows, nine days' prayers, and offerings having been +tried in all manners, but all to no purpose, she was at last obliged to +return to natural means. + +What would she have given on this occasion for the ring which Archbishop +Turpin wore on his finger, and which made Charlemagne run after him, in +the same manner as it had made him run after one of his concubines, from +whose finger Turpin had taken it after her death! But it is now many +years since the only talismans for creating love are the charms of +the person beloved, and foreign enchantments have been looked upon as +ineffectual. The queen's physicians, men of great prudence, sagacity, +and wisdom, as they always are, having duly weighed and considered that +the cold waters of Tunbridge had not succeeded in the preceding year, +concluded that it would be advisable for her to try the warm baths at +Bristol--[Probably Bath, D.W.]--This journey was therefore fixed for +the next season; and in the confidence of its proving effectual, this +excursion would have afforded her much pleasure, if the most dangerous +of her rivals had not been one of the first that was appointed to attend +the court. The Duchess of Cleveland being then near her time, there was +no uneasiness on her account: the common rules of decency required a +little attention. The public, it is true, was not either more or less +acquainted with the circumstances of her situation; by the care which +she now took to conceal it; but her appearing at court in her present +condition would have been too great an insult to the queen. Miss +Stewart, more handsome than ever, was appointed for this excursion, and +began to make magnificent preparations. The poor queen durst say nothing +against it; but all hopes of success immediately forsook her. What could +the baths, or the feeble virtue of the waters, perform against charms +that entirely counteracted their effects, either through the grief +and uneasiness they occasioned her, or by their still more powerful +consequences? + +The Chevalier de Grammont, to whom all pleasures were insipid without +the presence of Miss Hamilton, was yet unable to excuse himself from +attending the court: the king delighted too much in his sprightly +conversation to leave him behind; and however pleasing his company might +have been in the solitude occasioned by the absence of the court, Miss +Hamilton did not think it right to accept his offer of staying in town, +because she was obliged to remain there: she, however, granted him the +permission of writing her an account of any news that might occur upon +the journey. He failed not to make use of this permission, in such a +manner as one may imagine: and his own concerns took up so much space +in his letters, that there was very little room left for other subjects +during his stay at the baths. As absence from the object of his +affections rendered this place insupportable, he engaged in everything +that might dissipate his impatience, until the happy moment of return +arrived. + +He had a great esteem for the elder of the Hamiltons; no less esteem, +and far more friendship for his brother, whom he made the confidant +of his passion and attachment for his sister. The Chevalier was also +acquainted with his first engagements with his cousin Wetenhall; but +being ignorant of the coldness that had interrupted a commerce so brisk +in its commencement, he was surprised at the eagerness he showed upon +all occasions to please Miss Stewart: his assiduity appeared to the +Chevalier de Grammont to exceed those civilities and attentions that +are usually paid for the purpose of making court to the favourites of +princes. He observed him more strictly, and soon perceived that he was +deeper in love with her than was consistent either with his fortune +or his repose. As soon as the remarks he made had confirmed him in +his suspicions, he resolved to use his endeavours to prevent the +consequences of an engagement pernicious in every respect: but he waited +for a proper opportunity of speaking to him upon the subject. + +In the mean time, the court enjoyed every kind of diversion, in a place +where amusement is sought with avidity. The game of bowls, which in +France is the pastime of mechanics and servants only, is quite the +contrary in England, where it is the exercise of gentlemen, and requires +both art and address: it is only in use during the fair and dry part of +the season, and the places where it is practised are charming, delicious +walks, called bowling-greens, which are little square grass plots, where +the turf is almost as smooth and level as the cloth of a billiard-table. +As soon as the heat of the day is over, all the company assemble there: +they play deep; and spectators are at liberty to make what bets they +please. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, long before initiated in the English games +and diversions, had been engaged in a horse-race, in which he was +indeed unsuccessful; but he had the satisfaction of being convinced by +experience, that an English horse can go twenty miles upon the high road +in less than an hour. He was more fortunate at cock-fighting; and in the +bets he made at the bowling-green, the party he betted upon never failed +to win. + +Near all these places of diversion there is usually a sort of inn, or +house of entertainment, with a bower or arbour, in which are sold all +sorts of English liquors, such as cider, mead, bottled beer, and Spanish +wines. Here the rooks meet every evening to drink, smoke, and to try +their skill upon each other, or, in other words, to endeavour to trick +one another out of the winnings of the day. These rooks are, properly +speaking, what we call capons or piqueurs, in France; men who always +carry money about them, to enable them to lend to losing gamesters, for +which they receive a gratification, which is nothing for such as play +deep, as it is only two per cent., and the money to be repaid the next +day. + +These gentlemen are so nice in their calculations, and so particularly +skilful in all manner of games, that no person would dare to enter the +lists with them, were they even assured that no unfairness would be +practised. Besides, they make a vow, to win four or five guineas a day, +and to be satisfied with that gain; a vow which they seldom or never +break. + +It was in the midst of a company of these rooks, that Hamilton found the +Chevalier de Grammont, when he called in one evening to get a glass +of cider. They were playing at hazard; and as he who holds the dice is +supposed to have the advantage, the rooks did the Chevalier de Grammont +that honour out of compliment: he had the dice in his hand when Hamilton +came into the room. The rooks, secure of their odds, were betting +against him at a high rate, and he took all. + +Hamilton could hardly believe his eyes, to see a man of his experience +and knowledge engaged in so unequal a contest; but it was to no purpose +that he informed him of his danger, both aloud in French, and in private +by signs; he still disregarded his warnings, and the dice, that bore +Caesar and his fortunes, performed a miracle in his favour. The rooks +were defeated for the first time, but not without bestowing upon him all +the encomiums and praises of being a very fair and honourable player, +which they never fail to lavish upon those whom they wish to engage +a second time; but all their commendations were lost, and their hopes +deceived: the Chevalier was satisfied with the first experiment. + +Hamilton, when the king was at supper, related to him how he found the +Chevalier de Grammont rashly engaged with the rooks, and in what manner +he had been providentially preserved. "Indeed, Sir," said the Chevalier +de Grammont, "the rooks were discomfited for once;" and thereupon +related the adventure to his majesty in his usual way, attracting the +attention of all the company, to a circumstance trifling in itself, but +rendered interesting by his humour. + +After supper, Miss Stewart, in whose apartment there was play, called +Hamilton to her to tell the story. The Chevalier de Grammont, perceiving +that she attended to him with pleasure, was fully confirmed in the truth +of his first conjectures; and, having carried Hamilton home with him to +supper, they began to discourse freely together as usual, "George," said +the Chevalier de Grammont, "are you in any want of money? I know you +love play: perhaps it may not be so favourable to you as it is to me. We +are at a great distance from London. Here are two hundred guineas: +take them, I beseech you; they will do to play with at Miss Stewart's." +Hamilton, who little expected this conclusion, was rather disconcerted. +"How! at Miss Stewart's!" "Yes, in her apartments. Friend George," +continued the Chevalier de Grammont, "I have not yet lost my eyes: you +are in love with her, and, if I am not mistaken, she is not offended at +it; but tell me how you could resolve to banish poor Wetenhall from your +heart, and suffer yourself to be infatuated with a girl, who perhaps +after all is not worth the other, and who besides, whatever favourable +dispositions she may have for you, will undoubtedly in the end prove +your ruin. Faith, your brother and you are two pretty fellows, in your +choice. What! can you find no other beauties in all the court to fall in +love with, except the king's two mistresses! As for the elder brother, +I can pardon him he only took Lady Castlemaine after his master had done +with her, and after Lady Chesterfield had discarded him; but, as for +you, what the devil do you intend to do with a creature, on whom the +king seems every day to dote with increasing fondness? Is it because +that drunken sot Richmond has again come forward, and now declares +himself one of her professed admirers? You will soon see what he will +make by it: I have not forgotten what the king said to me upon the +subject. 'Believe me, my dear friend, there is no playing tricks with +our masters; I mean, there is no ogling their mistresses.' I myself +wanted to play the agreeable in France with a little coquette, whom +the king did not care about, and you know how dearly I paid for it. I +confess she gives you fair play, but do not trust to her. All the sex +feel an unspeakable satisfaction at having men in their train, whom they +care not for, and to use them as their slaves of state, merely to swell +their equipage. Would it not be a great deal better to pass a week or +ten days incognito at Peckham, with the philosopher Wetenhall's wife, +than to have it inserted in the Dutch Gazette.--We hear from Bristol, +that such a one is banished the court on account of Miss Stewart, and +that he is going to make a campaign in Guinea on board the fleet that is +fitting out for the expedition, under the command of Prince Rupert." + +Hamilton, who was the more convinced of the truth of this discourse, the +more he considered it, after musing some time, appeared to wake from a +dream, and addressing himself with an air of gratitude to the Chevalier +de Grammont: "Of all the men in the world, my dear friend," said he, +"you have the most agreeable wit, and at the same time the clearest +judgment with respect to your friends: what you have told me has opened +my eyes. I began to suffer myself to be seduced by the most ridiculous +illusion imaginable, and to be hurried away rather by frivolous +appearances than any real inclination: to you I owe the obligation of +having preserved me from destruction at the very brink of a precipice. +This is not the only kindness you have done me, your favours have been +innumerable; and, as a proof of my gratitude for this last, I will +follow your advice, and go into retirement at my cousin Wetenhall's, +to eradicate from my recollection every trace of those chimeras which +lately possessed my brain; but so far from going thither incognito, I +will take you along with me, as soon as the court returns to London. +My sister shall likewise be of the party; for it is prudent to use +all precautions with a man who, with a great deal of merit, on such +occasions is not over scrupulous, if we may credit your philosopher." +"Do not pay any attention to that pedant," replied the Chevalier de +Grammont: "but tell me what put it into your head to form a design upon +that inanimate statue, Miss Stewart?" "How the devil should I know?" +said Hamilton: "you are acquainted with all her childish amusements. The +old Lord Carlingford was at her apartment one evening, showing her +how to hold a lighted wax candle in her mouth, and the grand secret +consisted in keeping the burning end there a long time without its being +extinguished. I have, thank God, a pretty large mouth, and, in order to +out-do her teacher, I took two candles into my mouth at the same time, +and walked three times round the room without their going out. Every +person present adjudged me the prize of this illustrious experiment, +and Killegrew maintained that nothing but a lanthorn could stand in +competition with me. Upon this she was like to die with laughing; +and thus was I admitted into the familiarity of her amusements. It is +impossible to deny her being one of the most charming creatures that +ever was: since the court has been in the country, I have had an hundred +opportunities of seeing her, which I had not before. You know that the +dishabille of the bath is a great convenience for those ladies, who, +strictly adhering to all the rules of decorum, are yet desirous to +display all their charms and attractions. Miss Stewart is so fully +acquainted with the advantages she possesses over all other women, that +it is hardly possible to praise any lady at court for a well-turned +arm, and a fine leg, but she is ever ready to dispute the point by +demonstration; and I really believe, that, with a little address, +it would not be difficult to induce her to strip naked, without ever +reflecting upon what she was doing. After all, a man must be very +insensible to remain unconcerned and unmoved on such happy occasions; +and, besides, the good opinion we entertain of ourselves is apt to make +us think a woman is smitten, as soon as she distinguishes us by habitual +familiarity, which most commonly signifies nothing. This is the truth of +the matter with respect to myself: my own presumption, her beauty, the +brilliant station that sets it off, and a thousand kind things she had +said to me, prevented me from making serious reflections; but then, as +some excuse for my folly, I must likewise tell you, that the facility +I found in making her the tenderest declarations by commending her, and +her telling me in confidence a thousand things which she ought not to +have entrusted me with, might have deceived or infatuated any other man +as well as myself. + +"I presented her with one of the prettiest horses in England. You know +what peculiar grace and elegance distinguish her on horseback. The king, +who, of all the diversions of the chase, likes none but hawking, because +it is the most convenient for the ladies, went out the other day to take +this amusement, attended by all the beauties of his court. His majesty +having galloped after a falcon, and the whole bright squadron after him, +the rustling of Miss Stewart's petticoats frightened her horse, which +was at full speed, endeavouring to come up with mine, that had been his +companion; so that I was the only witness of a disorder in her clothes, +which displayed a thousand new beauties to my view. I had the good +fortune to make such gallant and flattering exclamations upon +that charming disorder as to prevent her being concerned or out of +countenance upon it: on the contrary, this subject of my admiration has +been frequently since the subject of our conversation, and did not seem +to displease her. + +"Old Lord Carlingford, and that mad fellow, Crofts (for I must now make +you my general confession), those insipid buffoons, were frequently +telling her some diverting stories, which passed pretty well with the +help of a few old threadbare jests, or some apish tricks in the recital, +which made her laugh heartily. As for myself, who know no stories, and +do not possess the talent of improving them by telling, if I did know +any, I was often greatly embarrassed when she desired me to tell her +one: 'I do not know one, indeed,' said I, one day, when she was teazing +me on the subject. 'Invent one, then,' said she. 'That would be still +more difficult,' replied I; 'but if you will give me leave, madam, I +will relate to you a very extraordinary dream, which has, however, less +appearance of truth in it than dreams generally have.' This excited her +curiosity, which would brook no denial. I therefore began to tell +her that the most beautiful creature in the world, whom I loved to +distraction, paid me a visit in my sleep. I then drew her own portrait, +with a rapturous description of all her beauties; adding, that this +goddess, who came to visit me with the most favourable intentions, did +not counteract them by any unreasonable cruelty. This was not sufficient +to satisfy Miss Stewart's curiosity: I was obliged to relate every +particular circumstance of the kindness I experienced from this delicate +phantom; to which she was so very attentive, that she never once +appeared surprised or disconcerted at the luscious tale. On the +contrary, she made me repeat the description of the beauty, which I drew +as near as possible after her own person, and after such charms as I +imagined of beauties that were unknown to me. + +"This is, in fact, the very thing that had almost deprived me of +my senses: she knew very well that she herself was the person I was +describing: we were alone, as you may imagine, when I told her this +story; and my eyes did their utmost to persuade her that it was herself +whom I drew. I perceived that she was not in the least offended at +knowing this; nor was her modesty in the least alarmed at the relation +of a fiction, which I might have concluded in a manner still less +discreet, if I had thought proper. This patient audience made me plunge +headlong into the ocean of flattering ideas that presented themselves +to my imagination. I then no longer thought of the king, nor how +passionately fond he was of her, nor of the dangers attendant upon such +an engagement: in short, I know not what the devil I was thinking of; +but I am very certain that, if you had not been thinking for me, I might +have found my ruin in the midst of these distracted visions." + +Not long after, the court returned to London; and from that time, some +malevolent star having gained the ascendant, every thing went cross in +the empire of Love: vexation, suspicions, or jealousies, first entered +the field, to set all hearts at variance; next, false reports, slander, +and disputes, completed the ruin of all. + +The Duchess of Cleveland had been brought to bed while the court was at +Bristol; and never before had she recovered from her lying-in with such +a profusion of charms. This made her believe that she was in a proper +state to retrieve her ancient rights over the king's heart, if she had +an opportunity of appearing before him with this increased splendour. +Her friends being of the same opinion, her equipage was prepared for +this expedition; but the very evening before the day she had fixed on to +set out, she saw young Churchill, and was at once seized with a disease, +which had more than once opposed her projects, and which she could never +completely get the better of. + + [Churchill--Afterwards the celebrated Duke of Marlborough. He was + born midsummer-day, 1650, and died June 16, 1722. Bishop Burnet + takes notice of the discovery of this intrigue. "The Duchess of + Cleveland finding that she had lost the king, abandoned herself to + great disorders; one of which, by the artifice of the Duke of + Buckingham, was discovered by the king in person, the party + concerned leaping out of the window."--History of his own Times, + vol. i. p. 370. This was in 1668. A very particular account of + this intrigue is to be seen in the Atalantis of Mrs. Manley, vol. + i., p. 30. The same writer, who had lived as companion to the + Duchess of Cleveland, says, in the account of her own life, that she + was an eye-witness when the duke, who had received thousands from + the duchess, refused the common civility of lending her twenty + guineas at basset.--The history of Rivella, 4th ed. 1725, p. 33. + Lord Chesterfield's character of this noblemen is too remarkable to + be omitted. + + "Of all the men that ever I knew in my life, (and I knew him + extremely well,) the late Duke of Marlborough possessed the graces + in the highest degree, not to say engrossed them: and indeed he got + the most by them! for I will venture, (contrary to the custom of + profound historians, who always assign deep causes to great events,) + to ascribe the better half of the Duke of Marlborough's greatness + and riches to those graces. He was eminently illiterate, wrote bad + English, and spelled it still worse. He had no share of what is + commonly called parts; that is, he had no brightness, nothing + shining in his genius. He had, most undoubtedly, an excellent good + plain understanding, with sound judgment. But these alone would + probably have raised him but something higher than they found him, + which was page to King James II.'s queen. There the graces + protected and promoted him; for while he was an ensign of the + guards, the Duchess of Cleveland, then favourite mistress to King + Charles II., struck by those very graces, gave him five thousand + pounds; with which he immediately bought an annuity for his life, of + five hundred pounds a-year, of my grandfather, Halifax; which was + the foundation of his subsequent fortune. His figure was beautiful; + but his manner was irresistible by either man or woman. It was by + this engaging, graceful manner, that he was enabled, during all his + wars, to connect the various and jarring powers of the grand + alliance, and to carry them on to the main object of the war, + notwithstanding their private and separate views, jealousies, and + wrong-headednesses. Whatever court he went to, (and he was often + obliged to go himself to some restive and refractory ones,) he as + constantly prevailed, and brought them into his measures. The + pensionary Heinsius, a venerable old minister, grown grey in + business, and who had governed the republic of the United Provinces + for more than forty years, was absolutely governed by the Duke of + Marlborough, as that republic feels to this day. He was always + cool; and nobody ever observed the least variation in his + countenance. He could refuse more gracefully than other people + could grant; and those who went away from him the most dissatisfied, + as to the substance of their business, were yet personally charmed + with him, and, in some degree, comforted by his manner. With all + his gracefulness, no man living was more conscious of his situation, + or maintained his dignity better."--Chest. Letters, letter 136.] + +A man who, from an ensign in the guards, was raised to such a fortune, +must certainly possess an uncommon share of prudence, not to be +intoxicated with his happiness. Churchill boasted in all places of +the new favour he had received: the Duchess of Cleveland, who neither +recommended to him circumspection in his behaviour, nor in his +conversation, did not seem to be in the least concerned at his +indiscretion. Thus this intrigue was become a general topic in all +companies, when the court arrived in London, and occasioned an immense +number of speculations and reasonings: some said she had already +presented him with Jermyn's pension, and Jacob Hall's salary, because +the merits and qualifications of both were united in his person: others +maintained that he had too indolent an air, and too delicate a shape, +long to maintain himself in her favour; but all agreed that a man who +was the favourite of the king's mistress, and brother to the duke's +favourite, was in a fair way of preferment, and could not fail to make +his fortune. As a proof, the Duke of York soon after gave him a place in +his household: this was naturally to be expected; but the king, who +did not think that Lady Cleveland's kindness to him was a sufficient +recommendation to his favour, thought proper to forbid him the court. + +This good-natured king began now to be rather peevish: nor was it +altogether without reason: he disturbed no person in their amours, and +yet others had often the presumption to encroach upon his. Lord Dorset, +first lord of the bed-chamber, had lately debauched from his service +Nell Gwyn, the actress. Lady Cleveland, whom he now no longer regarded, +continued to disgrace him by repeated infidelities with unworthy rivals, +and almost ruined him by the immense sums she lavished on her gallants; +but that which most sensibly affected him, was the late coldness +and threats of Miss Stewart. He long since had offered her all the +settlements and all the titles she could desire, until he had an +opportunity more effectually to provide for her, which she had pretended +only to decline, for fear of the scandal they might occasion, on her +being raised to a rank which would attract the public notice; but since +the return of the court, she had given herself other airs: sometimes +she was for retiring from court, to appease the continual uneasiness her +presence gave the queen: at other times it was to avoid temptations, by +which she wished to insinuate that her innocence was still preserved: +in short, the king's heart was continually distracted by alarms, or +oppressed by humour and caprice. + +As he could not for his life imagine what Miss Stewart wished him to do, +or what she would be at, he thought upon reforming his establishment +of mistresses, to try whether jealousy was not the real occasion of her +uneasiness. It was for this reason that, after having solemnly declared +he would have nothing more to say to the Duchess of Cleveland, since her +intrigue with Churchill, he discarded, without any exception, all the +other mistresses which he had in various parts of the town. The Nell +Gwyns, the Misses Davis, and the joyous rain of singers and dancers in +his majesty's theatre, were all dismissed. All these sacrifices were +ineffectual: Miss Stewart continued to torment, and almost to drive the +king to distraction; but his majesty soon after found out the real cause +of this coldness. + +This discovery was owing to the officious Duchess of Cleveland, who, +ever since her disgrace, had railed most bitterly against Miss Stewart +as the cause of it, and against the king's weakness, who, for an +inanimate idiot, had treated her with so much indignity. As some of her +grace's creatures were still in the king's confidence, by their means +she was informed of the king's uneasiness, and that Miss Stewart's +behaviour was the occasion of it--and as soon as she had found the +opportunity she had so long wished for, she went directly into the +king's cabinet, through the apartment of one of his pages called +Chiffinch. This way was not new to her. + +The king was just returned from visiting Miss Stewart, in a very ill +humour: the presence of the Duchess of Cleveland surprised him, and did +not in the least diminish it: she, perceiving this, accosted him in an +ironical tone, and with a smile of indignation. "I hope," said she, "I +may be allowed to pay you my homage, although the angelic Stewart has +forbid you to see me at my own house. I will not make use of reproaches +and expostulations, which would disgrace myself: still less will I +endeavour to excuse frailties which nothing can justify, since your +constancy for me deprives me of all defence, considering I am the only +person you have honoured with your tenderness, who has made herself +unworthy of it by ill conduct. I come now, therefore, with no other +intent than to comfort and to condole with you upon the affliction and +grief into which the coldness, or new-fashioned chastity of the inhuman +Stewart have reduced your majesty." These words were attended by a +fit of laughter, as unnatural and strained as it was insulting and +immoderate, which completed the king's impatience: he had, indeed, +expected that some bitter jest would follow this preamble; but he +did not suppose she would have given herself such blustering airs, +considering the terms they were then upon; and, as he was preparing to +answer her: "be not offended," said she, "that I take the liberty of +laughing at the gross manner in which you are imposed upon: I cannot +bear to see that such particular affectation should make you the jest of +your own court, and that you should be ridiculed with such impunity. I +know that the affected Stuart has sent you away, under pretence of some +indisposition, or perhaps some scruple of conscience; and I come to +acquaint you that the Duke of Richmond will soon be with her, if he is +not there already. I do not desire you to believe what I say, since it +might be suggested either through resentment or envy: only follow me to +her apartment, either that, no longer trusting calumny and malice, you +may honour her with a just preference, if I accuse her falsely; or, if +my information be true, you may no longer be the dupe of a pretended +prude, who makes you act so unbecoming and ridiculous a part." + +As she ended this speech, she took him by the hand, while he was yet +undecided, and pulled him away towards her rival's apartments. Chiffinch +being in her interest, Miss Stewart could have no warning of the visit; +and Babiani, who owed all to the Duchess of Cleveland, and who served +her admirably well upon this occasion, came and told her that the Duke +of Richmond had just gone into Miss Stewart's chamber. It was in the +middle of a little gallery, which, through a private door, led from the +king's apartments to those of his mistresses. The Duchess of Cleveland +wished him good night, as he entered her rival's chamber, and retired, +in order to wait the success of the adventure, of which Babiani, who +attended the king, was charged to come and give her an account. + +It was near midnight: the king, in his way, met his mistress's +chamber-maids, who respectfully opposed his entrance, and in a very low +voice, whispered his majesty that Miss Stewart had been very ill since +he left her: but that, being gone to bed, she was, God be thanked, in a +very fine sleep. "That I must see," said the king, pushing her back, who +had posted herself in his way. He found Miss Stewart in bed, indeed, but +far from being asleep: the Duke of Richmond was seated at her pillow, +and in all probability was less inclined to sleep than herself. The +perplexity of the one party, and the rage of the other, were such as may +easily be imagined upon such a surprise. The king, who, of all men, was +one of the most mild and gentle, testified his resentment to the Duke +of Richmond in such terms as he had never before used. The duke was +speechless, and almost petrified: he saw his master and his king justly +irritated. The first transports which rage inspires on such occasions +are dangerous. Miss Stewart, window was very convenient for a sudden +revenge, the Thames flowing close beneath it: he cast his eyes upon it; +and, seeing those of the king more incensed and fired with indignation +than he thought his nature capable of, he made a profound bow, and +retired, without replying a single word to the vast torrent of threats +and menaces that were poured upon him. + +Miss Stewart, having a little recovered from her first surprise, instead +of justifying herself, began to talk in the most extravagant manner, and +said everything that was most capable to inflame the king's passion and +resentment; that, if she were not allowed to receive visits from a man +of the Duke of Richmond's rank, who came with honourable intentions, she +was a slave in a free country; that she knew of no engagement that +could prevent her from disposing of her hand as she thought proper; but, +however, if this was not permitted her in his dominions, she did not +believe that there was any power on earth that could hinder her from +going over to France, and throwing herself into a convent, to enjoy +there that tranquillity which was denied her in his court. The king, +sometimes furious with anger, sometimes relenting at her tears, and +sometimes terrified at her menaces, was so greatly agitated, that he +knew not how to answer, either the nicety of a creature who wanted to +act the part of Lucretia under his own eye, or the assurance with which +she had the effrontery to reproach him. In this suspense, love had +almost entirely vanquished all his resentments, and had nearly induced +him to throw himself upon his knees, and entreat pardon for the injury +he had done her, when she desired him to retire, and leave her in +repose, at least for the remainder of that night, without offending +those who had either accompanied him, or conducted him to her +apartments, by a longer visit. This impertinent request provoked and +irritated him to the highest degree: he went out abruptly, vowing never +to see her more, and passed the most restless and uneasy night he had +ever experienced since his restoration. + +The next day the Duke of Richmond received orders to quit the court, and +never more to appear before the king; but it seems he had not waited for +those orders, having set out early that morning for his country seat. + +Miss Stewart, in order to obviate all injurious constructions that might +be put upon the adventure of the preceding night, went and threw herself +at the queen's feet; where, acting the new part of an innocent +Magdalen, she entreated her majesty's forgiveness for all the sorrow and +uneasiness she might have already occasioned her. She told her majesty +that a constant and sincere repentance had induced her to contrive all +possible means for retiring from court: that this reason had inclined +her to receive the Duke of Richmond's addresses, who had courted her +a long time; but since this courtship had caused his disgrace, and had +likewise raised a vast noise and disturbance, which perhaps might be +turned to the prejudice of her reputation, she conjured her Majesty +to take her under her protection, and endeavour to obtain the king's +permission for her to retire into a convent, to remove at once all those +vexations and troubles her presence had innocently occasioned at court. +All this was accompanied with a proper deluge of tears. + +It is a very agreeable spectacle to see a rival prostrate at our feet, +entreating pardon, and at the same time justifying her conduct. The +queen's heart not only relented, but she mingled her own tears with +those of Miss Stewart. After having raised her up, and most tenderly +embraced her, she promised her all manner of favour and protection, +either in her marriage, or in any other course she thought fit to +pursue, and parted from her with the firm resolution to exert all her +interest in her support; but, being a person of great judgment, the +reflections which she afterwards made, induced her to change her +opinion! + +She knew that the king's disposition was not capable of an obstinate +constancy. She therefore judged that absence would cure him, or that a +new engagement would by degrees entirely efface the remembrance of Miss +Stewart, and that, since she could not avoid having a rival, it was more +desirable she should be one who had given such eminent proofs of her +prudence and virtue. Besides, she flattered herself that the king would +ever think himself eternally obliged to her, for having opposed +the retreat and marriage of a girl, whom at that time he loved to +distraction. This fine reasoning determined her conduct. All her +industry was employed in persuading Miss Stewart to abandon her schemes; +and what is most extraordinary in this adventure, is, that, after having +prevailed upon her to think no more either of the Duke of Richmond, or +of a nunnery, she charged herself with the office of reconciling these +two lovers. + +Indeed it would have been a thousand pities if her negotiation had +miscarried but she did not suffer this misfortune; for never were the +king's addresses so eager and passionate as after this peace, nor ever +better received by the fair Stewart. + +His majesty did not long enjoy the sweets of a reconciliation, which +brought him into the best good humour possible, as we shall see. All +Europe was in a profound peace, since the treaty of the Pyrenees: Spain +flattered herself she should be able to recruit, by means of the new +alliance she had contracted with the most formidable of her neighbours; +but despaired of being able to support the shattered remains of a +declining monarchy, when she considered the age and infirmities of +her prince, or the weakness of his successor: France, on the contrary, +governed by a king indefatigable in business, young, vigilant, and +ambitious of glory, wanted nothing but inclination to aggrandize +herself. + +It was about this time, that the king of France, not willing to disturb +the tranquillity of Europe, was persuaded to alarm the coasts of Africa, +by an attempt, which, if it had even been crowned with success, would +have produced little good; but the king's fortune, ever faithful to his +glory, has since made it appear, by the miscarriage of the expedition of +Gigeri, that such projects only as were planned by himself were worthy +of his attention. + + [Gigeri is about forty leagues from Algiers. Till the year 1664 the + French had a factory there; but then attempting to build a fort on + the sea-coast, to be a check upon the Arabs, they came down from the + mountains, beat the French out of Gigeri, and demolished their fort. + Sir Richard Fanshaw, in a letter to the deputy governor of Tangier, + dated 2nd December, 1664, N.S., says, "We have certain intelligence + that the French have lost Gigheria, with all they had there, and + their fleet come back, with the loss of one considerable ship upon + the rocks near Marseilles."--Fanshaw's Letters, vol. i. p. 347.] + +A short time after, the king of England, having resolved also to explore +the African coasts, fitted out a squadron for an expedition to Guinea, +which was to be commanded by Prince Rupert. Those who, from their own +experience, had some knowledge of the country, related strange and +wonderful stories of the dangers attendant upon this expedition that +they would have to fight not only the inhabitants of Guinea, a hellish +people, whose arrows were poisoned, and who never gave their prisoners +better quarter than to devour them, but that they must likewise endure +heats that were insupportable, and rains that were intolerable, every +drop of which was changed into a serpent: that, if they penetrated +farther into the country, they would be assaulted by monsters a thousand +times more hideous and destructive than all the beasts mentioned in the +Revelations. + +But all these reports were vain and ineffectual: for so far from +striking terror into those who were appointed to go upon this +expedition, it rather acted as an incentive to glory, upon those who +had no manner of business in it. Jermyn appeared among the foremost of +those; and, without reflecting that the pretence of his indisposition +had delayed the conclusion of his marriage with Miss Jennings, he +asked the duke's permission, and the king's consent to serve in it as a +volunteer. + +Some time before this, the infatuation which had imposed upon the fair +Jennings in his favour had begun to subside. All that now inclined +her to this match were the advantages of a settlement. The careless +indolence of a lover, who faintly paid his addresses to her, as it were +from custom or habit, disgusted her; and the resolution he had taken, +without consulting her, appeared so ridiculous in him, and so injurious +to herself, that, from that moment, she resolved to think no more +of him. Her eyes being opened by degrees, she saw the fallacy of the +splendour, which had at first deceived her; and the renowned Jermyn was +received according to his real merit when he came to acquaint her with +his heroical project. There appeared so much indifference and ease in +the raillery with which she complimented him upon his voyage, that he +was entirely disconcerted, and so much the more so, as he had prepared +all the arguments he thought capable of consoling her, upon announcing +to her the fatal news of his departure. She told him, "that nothing +could be more glorious for him, who had triumphed over the liberty of so +many persons in Europe, than too and extend his conquests in other parts +of the world; and that she advised him to bring home with him all the +female captives he might make in Africa, in order to replace those +beauties whom his absence would bring to the grave." + +Jermyn was highly displeased that she should be capable of raillery in +the condition he supposed her reduced to; but he soon perceived she was +in earnest: she told him, that she considered this farewell visit as +his last, and desired him not to think of making her any more before his +departure. + +Thus far everything went well on her side: Jermyn was not only +confounded at having received his discharge in so cavalier a manner; +but this very demonstration of her indifference had revived, and even +redoubled, all the love and affection he had formerly felt for her. +Thus she had both the pleasure of despising him, and of seeing him more +entangled in the chains of love than he had ever been before. This +was not sufficient: she wished still farther, and very unadvisedly, to +strain her resentment. + +Ovid's Epistles,--[This is the translation of Ovid's Epistles +published by Mr. Dryden. The second edition of it was printed in +1681.]--translated into English verse by the greatest wits at court, +having lately been published, she wrote a letter from a shepherdess in +despair, addressed to the perfidious Jermyn. She took the epistle +of Ariadne to Theseus for her model. The beginning of this letter +contained, word for word, the complaints and reproaches of that injured +fair to the cruel man by whom she had been abandoned. All this was +properly adapted to the present times and circumstances. It was her +design to have closed this piece with a description of the toils, +perils, and monsters, that awaited him in Guinea, for which he quitted +a tender mistress, who was plunged into the abyss of misery, and was +overwhelmed with grief and despair; but not having had time to finish +it, nor to get that which she had written transcribed, in order to send +it to him under a feigned name, she inconsiderately put this fragment, +written in her own hand, into her pocket, and, still more giddily, +dropped it in the middle of the court. Those who took it up, knowing her +writing, made several copies of it, which were circulated all over the +town; but her former conduct had so well established the reputation +of her virtue, that no person entertained the smallest doubt but the +circumstances were exactly as we have related them. Some time after, the +Guinea expedition was laid aside for reasons that are universally known, +and Miss Jenning's subsequent proceedings fully justified her letter; +for, notwithstanding all the efforts and attentions Jermyn practised to +regain her affections, she would never more hear of him. + +But he was not the only man who experienced the whimsical fatality, that +seemed to delight in disuniting hearts, in order to engage them soon +after to different objects. One would have imagined that the God of +Love, actuated by some new caprice, had placed his empire under the +dominion of Hymen, and had, at the same time, blind-folded that God, in +order to cross-match most of the lovers whom we have been speaking of' + +The fair Stewart married the Duke of Richmond; the invincible Jermyn, a +silly country girl; Lord Rochester, a melancholy heiress; the sprightly +Temple, the serious Lyttleton; Talbot, without knowing why or wherefore, +took to wife the languishing Boynton; George Hamilton, under more +favourable auspices, married the lovely Jennings; and the Chevalier de +Grammont, as the reward of a constancy he had never before known, and +which he never afterwards practised, found Hymen and Love united in his +favour, and was at last blessed with the possession of Miss Hamilton. + + [After the deaths of Miss Boynton and of George Hamilton, Talbot + married Miss Jennings, and became afterwards Duke of Tyrconnel.] + + ["The famous Count Grammont was thought to be the original of The + Forced Marriage. This nobleman, during his stay at the court of + England, had made love to Miss Hamilton, but was coming away for + France without bringing matters to a proper conclusion. The young + lady's brothers pursued him, and came up with him near Dover, in + order to exchange some pistol-shot with him: They called out, 'Count + Grammont, have you forgot nothing at London?' 'Excuse me,' answered + the Count, guessing their errand, 'I forgot to marry your sister; so + lead on, and let us finish that affair.' By the pleasantry of the + answer, this was the same Grammont who commanded at the siege of a + place, the governor of which capitulated after a short defence, and + obtained an easy capitulation. The governor then said to Monsieur + Grammont, I'll tell you a secret--that the reason of my capitulation + was, because I was in want of powder.' Monsieur replied, 'And + secret for secret--the reason of my granting you such an easy + capitulation was, because I was in want of ball."--Biog. Gallica, + vol. i., p. 202. + + Count Grammont and his lady left England in 1669. King Charles in a + letter to his sister, the Duchess of Orleans, dated 24th October, in + that year, says, "I writt to you yesterday, by the Compte de + Grammont, but I beleeve this letter will come sooner to your handes; + for he goes by the way of Diep, with his wife and family; and now + that I have named her, I cannot chuse but againe desire you to be + kinde to her; for, besides the merrit her family has on both sides, + she is as good a creature as ever lived. I beleeve she will passe + for a handsome woman in France, though she has not yett, since her + lying-inn, recovered that good shape she had before, and I am + affraide never will."--Dalxymple's Memoirs, vol. ii. p. 26. + + "The Count de Grammont fell dangerously ill in the year 1696; of + which the king (Louis XIV.) being informed, and knowing, besides, + that he was inclined to libertinism, he was pleased to send the + Marquis of Dangeau to see how he did, and to advise him to think of + God. Hereupon Count de Grammont, turning towards his wife, who had + ever been a very devout lady, told her, Countess, if you don't look + to it, Dangeau will juggle you out of my conversion. Madame de + l'Enclos having afterwards written to M. de St Evremond that Count + de Grammont was recovered, and turned devout,--I have learned, + answered he to her, with a great deal of pleasure, that Count de + Grammont has recovered his former health, and acquired a new + devotion. Hitherto I have been contented with being a plain honest + man; but I must do something more; and I only wait for your example + to become a devotee. You live in a country where people have + wonderful advantages of saving their souls, there vice is almost as + opposite to the mode as to virtue; sinning passes for ill-breeding, + and shocks decency and good manners, as much as religion, Formerly + it was enough to be wicked; now one must be a scoundrel withal, to + be damned in France. They who have not regard enough for another + life, are led to salvation by the consideration and duties of this." + --"But there is enough upon a subject in which the conversion of the + Count de Grammont has engaged me: I believe it to be sincere and + honest. It well becomes a man who is not young, to forget he has + been so."--Life of St. Evremond, by Des Marzeaux, p. 136; and St. + Evremond's Works, vol. ii. p. 431.] + + + + + PG EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS: + + All day poring over his books, and went to bed soon + Ambition to pass for a wit, only established her tiresome + An affectation of purity of manners + As all fools are who have good memories + Better memory for injuries than for benefits + Better to know nothing at all, than to know too much + Better to partake with another than to have nothing at all + Busy without consequence + By a strange perversion of language, styled, all men of honour + Despising everything which was not like themselves + Devote himself to his studies, than to the duties of matrimony + Duke would see things if he could + Embellish the truth, in order to enhance the wonder + Entreating pardon, and at the same time justifying her conduct + Envy each other those indulgences which themselves refuse + Every thing that is necessary is honourable in politics + Four dozen of patches, at least, and ten ringlets of hair + Good attendants, but understood cheating still better + Great earnestness passed for business + Grew so fat and plump that it was a blessing to see her + Hardly possible for a woman to have less wit, or more beauty + He had no sentiments but such as others inspired him with + He talked eternally, without saying anything + He as little feared the Marquis as he loved him + His mistress given him by his priests for penance + How I must hate you, if I did not love you to distraction + Impenetrable stupidity (passed) for secrecy + Impertinent compliments + Life, in his opinion, was too short to read all sorts of books + Long habit of suffering himself to be robbed by his domestics + Maxim of all jealous husbands + Never felt the pressure of indigence + Not disagreeable, but he had a serious contemplative air + Not that he wanted capacity, but he was too self-sufficient + Obstinate against all other advices + Offended that his good fortune raised him no rivals + One amour is creditable to a lady + Possessed but little raillery, and still less patience + Public is not so easily deceived as some people imagine + Public grows familiar with everything by habit + Reasons of state assume great privileges + Resolved to renounce the church for the salvation of my soul + She just said what she ought, and no more + So weak as to transform your slave into your tyrant + Terrible piece of furniture for the country (educated girl) + The shortest follies are the best + There are men of real merit, or pretenders to it + They can by no means bear the inconstancy of their mistresses + Those who open a book merely to find fault + Very willing to accept, but was tardy in making returns + Wealth was necessary for the conveniencies of a long life + What jealousy fears, and what it always deserves + What a glory would it be to have a Cato for a husband + Would have been criminal even in chastity to spare (her husband) + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Memoirs of Count Grammont, Complete, by +Anthony Hamilton + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COUNT GRAMMONT *** + +***** This file should be named 5416.txt or 5416.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/5/4/1/5416/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5526a45 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #5416 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/5416) diff --git a/old/2006106-5416.txt b/old/2006106-5416.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ed65d04 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/2006106-5416.txt @@ -0,0 +1,10605 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Memoirs of Count Grammont, Complete +by Anthony Hamilton (Edited by Sir Walter Scott) + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net + + +Title: The Memoirs of Count Grammont, Complete + +Author: Anthony Hamilton (Edited by Sir Walter Scott) + +Release Date: October 4, 2006 [EBook #5416] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MEMOIRS COUNT GRAMMONT *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + + MEMOIRS OF COUNT GRAMMONT + + By Anthony Hamilton + + EDITED, WITH NOTES, BY SIR WALTER SCOTT + + + + +CONTENTS: + +BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH OF ANTHONY HAMILTON + +CHAPTER FIRST. + INTRODUCTION + +CHAPTER SECOND. + ARRIVAL OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT AT THE SIEGE OF TRINO, + AND THE LIFE HE LED THERE + +CHAPTER THIRD. + EDUCATION AND ADVENTURES OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT BEFORE + HIS COMING TO THE SIEGE OF TRINO + +CHAPTER FOURTH. + HIS ARRIVAL AT THE COURT OF TURIN, AND HOW HE SPENT HIS TIME THERE + +CHAPTER FIFTH. + HE RETURNS TO THE COURT OF FRANCE--HIS ADVENTURES AT THE SIEGE OF + ARRAS--HIS REPLY TO CARDINAL MAZARIN--HE IS BANISHED THE COURT + +CHAPTER SIXTH. + HIS ARRIVAL AT THE ENGLISH COURT--THE VARIOUS PERSONAGES OF + THIS COURT + +CHAPTER SEVENTH. + HE FALLS IN LOVE WITH MISS HAMILTON--VARIOUS ADVENTURES AT THE BALL + IN THE QUEEN'S DRAWING-ROOM--CURIOUS VOYAGE OF HIS VALET-DE-CHAMBRE + TO AND FROM PARIS + +CHAPTER EIGHTH. + FUNNY ADVENTURE OF THE CHAPLAIN POUSSATIN--THE STORY OF THE SIEGE OF + LERIDA--MARRIAGE OF THE DUKE OF YORK, AND OTHER DETAILS ABOUT THE + ENGLISH COURT + +CHAPTER NINTH. + VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT + +CHAPTER TENTH. + OTHER LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT + +CHAPTER ELEVENTH. + RETURN OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT TO FRANCE--HE IS SENT BACK TO + ENGLAND--VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THIS COURT, AND MARRIAGE OF MOST + OF THE HEROES OF THESE MEMOIRS + + + + + BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH + OF + ANTHONY HAMILTON. + + +Anthony Hamilton, the celebrated author of the Grammont Memoirs, much +cannot now be with certainty known. + + [For uniformity's sake the writer of this sketch has followed the + Memoirs in the spelling of this name; but he thinks it necessary to + observe that it should be Gramont, not Grammont.] + +The accounts prefixed to the different editions of his works, down to the +year 1805, are very imperfect; in that year a new, and, in general, far +better edition than any of the preceding ones, was published in Paris, +to which a sketch of his life was also added; but it contains rather just +criticisms on his works, than any very novel or satisfactory anecdote +concerning himself. It is not pretended here to gratify literary +curiosity as fully as it ought to be, with regard to this singular and +very ingenious man; some effort, however, may be made to communicate a +few more particulars relative to him, than the public has hitherto, +perhaps, been acquainted with. + +Anthony Hamilton was of the noble family of that name: Sir George +Hamilton, his father, was a younger son of James, Earl of Abercorn, a +native of Scotland. His mother was daughter of Lord Thurles, and sister +to James, the first Duke of Ormond; his family and connections therefore, +on the maternal side, were entirely Irish. He was, as well as his +brothers and sisters, born in Ireland, it is generally said, about the +year 1646; but there is some reason to imagine that it was three or four +years earlier. The place of his birth, according to the best family +accounts, was Roscrea, in the county of Tipperary, the usual residence of +his father when not engaged by military or public business. + + [In September, 1646, Owen O'Neale took Roscrea, and, as Carte says, + "put man, woman, and child to the sword, except Sir George + Hamilton's lady, sister to the Marquis of Ormond, and some few + gentlewomen whom he kept prisoners." No family suffered more in + those disastrous times than the house of Ormond. Lady Hamilton died + in August, 1680, as appears from an interesting and affecting letter + of her brother, the Duke of Ormond, dated Carrick, August 25th. He + had lost his noble son, Lord Ossory, not three weeks before.] + +It has been always said, that the family migrated to France when Anthony +was an infant; but this is not the fact: "Sir George Hamilton," says +Carte, "would have accompanied his brother-in-law, the Marquis of Ormond, +to France, in December, 1650: but, as he was receiver-general in Ireland, +he stayed to pass his accounts, which he did to the satisfaction of all +parties, notwithstanding much clamour had been raised against him." When +that business was settled, he, in the spring of 1651, took Lady Hamilton +and all his family to France, and resided with Lord and Lady Ormond, near +Caen, in Normandy, in great poverty and distress, till the Marchioness +of Ormond, a lady whose mind was as exalted as her birth, went over to +England, and, after much solicitation obtained two thousand pounds a- +year from her own and, her husband's different estates in Ireland. + + [Hence possibly Voltaire's mistake in stating that Hamilton was born + at Caen, in his Catalogue des Ecrivains du Siecle de Louis XIV.] + +This favour was granted her by Cromwell, who always professed the +greatest respect for her. The Marchioness resided in Ireland, with the +younger part of her family, from 1655 till after the Restoration; while +the Marquis of Ormond continued for a considerable part of that period +with his two sisters, Lady Clancarty and Lady Hamilton, at the +Feuillatines, in the Faubourg St. Jacques, in Paris. + +It appears from a letter of the Marquis to Sir Robert Southwell, that, +although he himself was educated in the Protestant religion, not only his +father and mother, but all his brothers and sisters, were bred, and +always continued, Roman Catholics. Sir George Hamilton also, according +to Carte, was a Roman Catholic; Anthony, therefore, was bred in the +religion of his family, and conscientiously adhered to it through life. + + [That historian states that the king (Charles I.) deprived several + papists of their military commissions, and, among others, Sir George + Hamilton, who, notwithstanding, served him with loyalty and + unvarying fidelity.] + +He entered early into the army of Louis XIV., as did his brothers +George, Richard, and John, the former of whom introduced the company of +English gens d'armes into France, in 1667, according to Le Pere Daniel, +author of the History of the French Army, who adds the following short +account of its establishment: Charles II., being restored to his throne, +brought over to England several catholic officers and soldiers, who had +served abroad with him and his brother, the Duke of York, and +incorporated them with his guards; but the parliament having obliged him +to dismiss all officers who were Catholics, the king permitted George +Hamilton to take such as were willing to accompany him to France, where +Louis XIV. formed them into a company of gens d'armes, and being highly +pleased with them, became himself their captain, and made George +Hamilton their captain-lieutenant:--[They were composed of English, +Scotch, and Irish.] Whether Anthony belonged to this corps I know not; +but this is certain, that he distinguished himself particularly in his +profession, and was advanced to considerable posts in the French +service. + +Anthony Hamilton's residence was now almost constantly in France. Some +years previous to this he had been much in England, and, towards the +close of Charles II.'s reign, in Ireland, where so many of his +connections remained. When James II. succeeded to the throne, the door +being then opened to the Roman Catholics, he entered into the Irish army, +where we find him, in 1686, a lieutenant-colonel in Sir Thomas Newcomen's +regiment. That he did not immediately hold a higher rank there, may +perhaps be attributed to the recent accession of the king, his general +absence from Ireland, the advanced age of his uncle, the Duke of Ormond, +and, more than all, perhaps, to his Grace's early disapprobation of +James's conduct in Ireland, which displayed itself more fully afterwards, +especially in the ecclesiastical promotions. + +Henry, Earl of Clarendon, son to the lord-chancellor, was at that time +lord-lieutenant of Ireland, and appears, notwithstanding his general +distrust and dislike of the Catholics, to have held Anthony Hamilton in +much estimation: he speaks of his knowledge of, and constant attention +to, the duties of his profession; his probity, and the dependance that +was to be placed on him, in preference to others of the same religious +persuasion, and, in October, 1686, wrote to the Earl of Sunderland +respecting him, as follows: "I have only this one thing more to trouble +your lordship with at present, concerning Colonel Anthony Hamilton, to +get him a commission to command as colonel, though he is but +lieutenant-colonel to Sir Thomas Newcomen, in regard of the commands he +has had abroad: and I am told it is often done in France, which makes me +hope it will not be counted an unreasonable request. I would likewise +humbly recommend to make Colonel Anthony Hamilton a privy-councillor +here." Lord Clarendon's recommendations were ultimately successful: +Hamilton was made a privy-councillor in Ireland, and had a pension of +L200 a year on the Irish establishment; and was appointed governor of +Limerick, in the room of Sir William King, notwithstanding he had +strongly opposed the new-modelling of the army by the furious Tyrconnel. +In the brief accounts which have been given of his life, it is said that +he had a regiment of infantry; but, though this is very probable, there +is no mention whatever of his commanding a regiment in the lists +published of King James's army, which are supposed to be very accurate: +he is indeed set down among the general officers. Lord Clarendon, in one +of his letters to the lord-treasurer, states, "That the news of the day +was, that Colonel Russell was to be lieutenant-colonel to the Duke of +Ormond's regiment, and that Colonel Anthony Hamilton was to have +Russell's regiment, and that Mr. Luttrell was to be lieutenant-colonel to +Sir Thomas Newcomen, in the place of Anthony Hamilton." It is not known +whether Anthony was present at the battle of the Boyne, or of Aughrim: +his brother John was killed at the latter; and Richard, who was a +lieutenant-general, led on the cavalry with uncommon gallantry and spirit +at the Boyne it is to be wished that his candour and integrity had +equalled his courage; but, he acted with great duplicity; and King +William's contemptuous echoing back his word to him, when he declared +something on his honour, is well known: He is frequently mentioned by +Lord Clarendon, but by no means with the same approbation as his brother. +After the total overthrow of James's affairs in Ireland, the two brothers +finally quitted these kingdoms, and retired to France. Richard lived +much with the Cardinal de Bouillon, who was the great protector of the +Irish in France, and kept (what must have been indeed highly consolatory +to many an emigrant of condition) a magnificent table, which has been +recorded in the most glowing and grateful terms, by that gay companion, +and celebrated lover of good cheer, Philippe de Coulanges, who +occasionally mentions the "amiable Richard Hamilton" as one of the +cardinal's particular intimates. Anthony, who was regarded particularly +as a man of letters and elegant talents, resided almost entirely at St. +Germain: solitary walks in the forest of that place occupied his leisure +hours in the morning; and poetical pursuits, or agreeable society, +engaged the evening: but much of his time seems to have rolled heavily +along; his sister, Madame de Grammont, living more at court, or in Paris, +than always suited his inclinations or his convenience. His great +resource at St. Germain was the family of the Duke of Berwick (son of +James II.): that nobleman appears to have been amiable in private life, +and his attachment to Hamilton was steady and sincere. The Duchess of +Berwick was also his friend. It is necessary to mention this lady +particularly, as well as her sisters: they were the daughters of Henry +Bulkeley, son to the first viscount of that name: their father had been +master of the household to Charles: their mother was Lady Sophia Stewart, +sister to the beautiful Duchess of Richmond, so conspicuous in the +Grammont Memoirs. The sisters of the Duchess of Berwick were Charlotte, +married to Lord Clare, Henrietta, and Laura. They all occupy a +considerable space in Hamilton's correspondence, and the two last are the +ladies so often addressed as the Mademoiselles B.; they are almost the +constant subjects of Hamilton's verses; and it is recorded that he was a +particular admirer of Henrietta Bulkeley; but their union would have been +that of hunger and thirst, for both were very poor and very illustrious: +their junction would, of course, have militated against every rule of +common prudence. To the influence of this lady, particularly, we are +indebted for one or two of Hamilton's agreeable novels: she had taste +enough to laugh at the extravagant stories then so much in fashion, "plus +arabes qu'en Arabie," as Hamilton says; and he, in compliance with her +taste, and his own, soon put the fashionable tales to flight, by the +publication of the 'Quatre Facardins', and, more especially, 'La Fleur +d'Epine'. + + [They were wretched imitations of some of the Persian and Arabian + tales, in which everything was distorted, and rendered absurd and + preposterous.] + +Some of the introductory verses to these productions are written with +peculiar ease and grace; and are highly extolled, and even imitated, by +Voltaire. La Harpe praises the Fleur d'Epine, as the work of an original +genius: I do not think, however, that they are much relished in England, +probably because very ill translated. Another of his literary +productions was the novel called Le Belier, which he wrote on the +following occasion: Louis XIV. had presented to the Countess of Grammont +(whom he highly esteemed) a remarkably elegant small country house in +the park of Versailles: this house became so fashionable a resort, and +brought such constant visitors, that the Count de Grammont said, in his +usual way, he would present the king with a list of all the persons he +was obliged to entertain there, as more suited to his Majesty's purse +than his own: the countess wished to change the name of the place from +the vulgar appellation of Le Moulineau into that of Pentalie: and +Hamilton, in his novel, wrote a history of a giant, an enchantment, and +a princess, to commemorate her resolution. It has however happened that +the giant Moulineau has had the advantage in the course of time; for the +estate, which is situated near Meudon, upon the Seine, retains its +original and popular designation. + +About the year 1704, Hamilton turned his attention to collecting the +memoirs of his brother-in-law, the Count de Grammont, as we may +conjecture, from the epistle beginning "Honneur des rives eloignees" +being written towards the close of the above year: it is dated, or +supposed to be so, from the banks of the Garonne. Among other authors +whom Hamilton at first proposes to Grammont, as capable of writing his +life (though, on reflection, he thinks them not suited to it), +is Boileau, whose genius he professes to admire; but adds that his muse +has somewhat of malignity; and that such a muse might caress with one +hand and satirize him with the other. This letter was sent by Hamilton +to Boileau, who answered him with great politeness; but, at the same time +that he highly extolled the epistle to Grammont, he, very naturally, +seemed anxious to efface any impression which such a representation of +his satiric vein might make on the Count's mind, and accordingly added a +few complimentary verses to him: this letter is dated, Paris, 8th +February, 1705. About the same time, another letter was written to +Hamilton on the subject of the Epistle to Grammont, by La Chapelle, who +also seemed desirous that his life should be given to the public, but was +much perplexed which of the most celebrated ancients to compare the count +to. Mecaenas first presented himself to his imagination: absurdly +enough, in my opinion; for there was not a trace of similitude between +the two characters. This, however, afforded him some opportunity, as he +thought, of discovering a resemblance between Horace and Hamilton, in +which he equally failed. Petronius is then brought forward, as affording +some comparison to the Count;--a man of pleasure, giving up the day to +sleep, and the night to entertainment; but then, adds La Chapelle, it +will be suggested that, such is the perpetual activity of the Count of +Grammont's mind, he may be said to sleep neither night nor day; and if +Petronius died, the Count seems determined never to die at all. (He was +at this time about eighty-five years of age.) It may well be supposed +that all this, though now perfectly vapid and uninteresting, was +extremely flattering to Grammont; and the result was, that he very much +wished to have his life, or part of it, at least, given to the public. +Hamilton, who had been so long connected with him, and with whose +agreeable talents he was now so familiarized, was, on every account, +singled out by him as the person who could best introduce him +historically to the public. It is ridiculous to mention Grammont as the +author of his own Memoirs: his excellence, as a man of wit, was entirely +limited to conversation. Bussy Rabutin, who knew him perfectly, states +that he wrote almost worse than any one. If this was said, and very +truly, of him in his early days, it can hardly be imagined that he would, +when between eighty and ninety years of age, commence a regular, and, +in point of style, most finished composition. Besides, independent of +everything else, what man would so outrage all decorum as to call himself +the admiration of the age? for so is Grammont extolled in the Memoirs, +with a variety of other encomiastic expressions; although, perhaps, such +vanity has not been without example. Hamilton, it is true, says that he +acts as Grammont's secretary, and only holds the pen, whilst the Count +dictates to him such particulars of his life as were the most singular, +and least known. This is said with great modesty, and, as to part of the +work, perhaps with great truth: it requires, however, some explanation. +Grammont was more than twenty years older than Hamilton; consequently, +the earlier part of his life could only have been known, or was best +known, to the latter from repeated conversations, and the long intimacy +which subsisted between them. Whether Grammont formally dictated the +events of his younger days, or not, is of little consequence from his +general character, it is probable that he did not. However, the whole +account of such adventures as he was engaged in, from his leaving home to +his interview with Cardinal Mazarin (excepting the character of Monsieur +de Senantes, and Matta, who was well known to Hamilton), the relation of +the siege of Lerida, the description of Gregorio Brice, and the +inimitable discovery of his own magnificent suit of clothes on the +ridiculous bridegroom at Abbeville; all such particulars must have been +again and again repeated to Hamilton by Grammont, and may therefore be +fairly grounded on the count's authority. The characters of the court of +Charles II., and its history, are to be ascribed to Hamilton: from his +residence, at various times, in the court of London, his connection with +the Ormond family, not to mention others, he must have been well +acquainted with them. Lady Chesterfield, who may be regarded almost as +the heroine of the work, was his cousin-german. + + [She was born at the castle of Kilkenny, July, 1640, as appears from + Carte's life of her father, the Duke of Ormond.] + +But, although the history altogether was written by Hamilton, it may +not perhaps be known to every reader that Grammont himself sold the +manuscript for fifteen hundred livres; and when it was brought to +Fontenelle, then censor of the press, he refused to license it, from +respect to the character of the Count, which, he thought, was represented +as that of a gambler, and an unprincipled one too. In fact, Grammont, +like many an old gentleman, seems to have recollected the gaieties of his +youth with more complaisance than was necessary, and has drawn them in +pretty strong colours in that part of the work which is more particularly +his own. He laughed at poor Fontenelle's scruples, and complained to the +chancellor, who forced the censor to acquiesce: the license was granted, +and the Count put the whole of the money, or the best part of it, in his +pocket, though he acknowledged the work to be Hamilton's. This is +exactly correspondent to his general character: when money was his +object, he had little, or rather no delicacy. + +The History of Grammont may be considered as unique there is nothing like +it in any language. For drollery, knowledge of the world, various +satire, general utility, united with great vivacity of composition, Gil +Blas is unrivalled: but, as a merely agreeable book, the Memoirs of +Grammont perhaps deserve that character more than any which was ever +written: it is pleasantry throughout, pleasantry of the best sort, +unforced, graceful, and engaging. Some French critic has justly +observed, that, if any book were to be selected as affording the truest +specimen of perfect French gaiety, the Memoirs of Grammont would be +selected in preference to all others. This has a Frenchman said of the +work of a foreigner: but that foreigner possessed much genius, had lived +from his youth, not only in the best society of France, but with the most +singular and agreeable man that France could produce. Still, however, +though Grammont and Hamilton were of dispositions very different, the +latter must have possessed talents peculiarly brilliant, and admirably +adapted to coincide with, and display those of his brother-in-law to the +utmost advantage. Gibbon extols the "ease and purity of Hamilton's +inimitable style;" and in this he is supported by Voltaire, although he +adds the censure, that the Grammont Memoirs are, in point of materials, +the most trifling; he might also in truth have said, the most improper. +The manners of the court of Charles II. were, to the utmost, profligate +and abandoned: yet in what colours have they been drawn by Hamilton? The +elegance of his pencil has rendered them more seductive and dangerous, +than if it had more faithfully copied the originals. From such a mingled +mass of grossness of language, and of conduct, one would have turned away +with disgust and abhorrence; but Hamilton was, to use the words of his +admirer, Lord Orford, "superior to the indelicacy of the court," whose +vices he has so agreeably depicted; and that superiority has sheltered +such vices from more than half the oblivion which would now have for ever +concealed them. + +The Count de Grammont died in 1707. Some years after the publication of +his Memoirs, Hamilton was engaged in a very different work: he +translated Pope's Essay on Criticism into French, and, as it should seem, +so much to that great poet's satisfaction, that he wrote a very polite +letter of thanks to him, which is inserted in Pope's Correspondence. +Hamilton's Essay was, I believe, never printed, though Pope warmly +requested to have that permission: the reign of Louis XIV. had now +ceased; and, for several years before his death, the character of the old +court of that prince had ceased also: profligacy and gaiety had given way +to devotion and austerity. Of Hamilton's friends and literary +acquaintance few were left: the Duke of Berwick was employed in the +field, or at Versailles: some of the ladies, however, continued at St. +Germain; and in their society, particularly that of his niece, the +Countess of Stafford (in whose name he carried on a lively correspondence +with Lady Mary Wortley Montague), he passed much of his time. He +occasionally indulged in poetical compositions, of a style suited to his +age and character; and when he was past seventy, he wrote that excellent +copy of verses, 'Sur l' Usage de la Vie dans la Vieillesse'; which, for +grace of style, justness, and purity of sentiment, does honour to his +memory. + +Hamilton died at St. Germain, in April, 1720, aged about seventy-four. +His death was pious and resigned. From his poem, entitled Reflections, +he appears, like some other authors, to have turned his mind, in old age, +entirely to those objects of sacred regard, which, sooner or later, must +engage the attention of every rational mind. To poetry he bids an +eternal adieu, in language which breathes no diminution of genius, +at the moment that he for ever recedes from the poetical character. +But he aspired to a better. + +Whatever were Hamilton's errors, his general character was respectable. +He has been represented as grave, and even dull, in society; the very +reverse, in short, of what he appears in his Memoirs: but this is +probably exaggerated. Unquestionably, he had not the unequalled vivacity +of the Count de Grammont in conversation; as Grammont was, on the other +hand, inferior, in all respects, to Hamilton when the pen was in his +hand; the latter was, however, though reserved in a large society, +particularly agreeable in a more select one. Some of his letters +remain, in which he alludes to his want of that facility at impromptu +which gave such brilliancy to the conversation of some of his brother +wits and contemporaries. But, while we admit the truth of this, let it +be remembered, at the same time, that when he wrote this, he was by no +means young; that he criticised his own defects with severity; that he +was poor, and living in a court which itself subsisted on the alms of +another. Amidst such circumstances, extemporary gaiety cannot always be +found. I can suppose, that the Duchess of Maine, who laid claim to the +character of a patroness of wit, and, like many who assert such claims, +was very troublesome, very self-sufficient, and very 'exigeante', might +not always have found that general superiority, or even transient lustre, +which she expected in Hamilton's society: yet, considering the great +difference of their age and situation, this circumstance will not greatly +impeach his talents for conversation. But the work of real genius must +for ever remain; and of Hamilton's genius, the Grammont Memoirs will +always continue a beauteous and graceful monument. To that monument may +also be added, the candour, integrity, and unassuming virtues of the +amiable author. + + + + + CHAPTER FIRST. + + INTRODUCTION + + +As those who read only for amusement are, in my opinion, more worthy of +attention than those who open a book merely to find fault, to the former +I address myself, and for their entertainment commit the following pages +to press, without being in the least concerned about the severe +criticisms of the latter. I further declare, that the order of time +and disposition of the facts, which give more trouble to the writer than +pleasure to the reader, shall not much embarrass me in these Memoirs. +It being my design to convey a just idea of my hero, those circumstances +which most tend to illustrate and distinguish his character shall find +a place in these fragments just as they present themselves to my +imagination, without paying any particular attention to their +arrangement. For, after all, what does it signify where the portrait is +begun, provided the assemblage of the parts forms a whole which perfectly +expresses the original? The celebrated Plutarch, who treats his heroes +as he does his readers, commences the life of the one just as he thinks +fit, and diverts the attention of the other with digressions into +antiquity, or agreeable passages of literature, which frequently have +no reference to the subject; for instance, he tells us that Demetrius +Poliorcetes was far from being so tall as his father, Antigonus; and +afterwards, that his reputed father, Antigonus, was only his uncle; but +this is not until he has begun his life with a short account of his +death, his various exploits, his good and bad qualities; and at last, +out of compassion to his failings, brings forward a comparison between +him and the unfortunate Mark Antony. + +What I have said upon this subject is not meant to reflect upon this +historian, to whom, of all the ancients, we are most obliged; it is only +intended to authorize the manner in which I have treated a life far more +extraordinary than any of those he has transmitted to us. It is my part +to describe a man whose inimitable character casts a veil over those +faults which I shall neither palliate nor disguise; a man distinguished +by a mixture of virtues and vices so closely linked together as in +appearance to form a necessary dependence, glowing with the greatest +beauty when united, shining with the brightest lustre when opposed. + +It is this indefinable brilliancy, which, in war, in love, in gaming, and +in the various stages of a long life, has rendered the Count de Grammont +the admiration of his age, and the delight of every country wherein +he has displayed his engaging wit, dispensed his generosity and +magnificence, or practised his inconstancy: it is owing to this that the +sallies of a sprightly imagination have produced those admirable +bons-mots which have been with universal applause transmitted to +posterity. It is owing to this that he preserved his judgment free and +unembarrassed in the most trying situations, and enjoyed an uncommon +presence of mind and facetiousness of temper in the most imminent dangers +of war. I shall not attempt to draw his portrait: his person has been +described by Bussi and St. Evremond, authors more entertaining than +faithful. + + [Voltaire, in the age of Louis XIV., ch. 24, speaking of that + monarch, says, "even at the same time when he began to encourage + genius by his liberality, the Count de Bussi was severely punished + for the use he made of his: he was sent to the Bastile in 1664. + 'The Amours of the Gauls' was the pretence of his imprisonment; but + the true cause was the song in which the king was treated with too + much freedom, and which, upon this occasion, was brought to + remembrance to ruin Bussi, the reputed author of it. + + Que Deodatus est heureux, + De baiser ce bec amoureux, + Qui d'une oreille a l'autre va! + + See Deodatus with his billing dear, + Whose amorous mouth breathes love from ear to ear! + + "His works were not good enough to compensate for the mischief they + did him. He spoke his own language with purity: he had some merit, + but more conceit: and he made no use of the merit he had, but to + make himself enemies." Voltaire adds, "Bussi was released at the + end of eighteen months; but he was in disgrace all the rest of his + life, in vain protesting a regard for Louis XIV." Bussi died 1693. + Of St. Evremond, see note, postea.] + +The former has represented the Chevalier Grammont as artful, fickle, and +even somewhat treacherous in his amours, and indefatigable and cruel in +his jealousies. St. Evremond has used other colours to express the +genius and describe the general manners of the Count; whilst both, in +their different pictures, have done greater honour to themselves than +justice to their hero. + +It is, therefore, to the Count we must listen, in the agreeable relation +of the sieges and battles wherein he distinguished himself under another +hero; and it is on him we must rely for the truth of passages the least +glorious of his life, and for the sincerity with which he relates his +address, vivacity, frauds, and the various stratagems he practised either +in love or gaming. These express his true character, and to himself we +owe these memoirs, since I only hold the pen, while he directs it to the +most remarkable and secret passages of his life. + + + + + CHAPTER SECOND. + + ARRIVAL OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT AT THE SIEGE OF TRINO, + AND THE LIFE HE LED THERE. + + +In those days affairs were not managed in France as at present. Louis +XIII.--[Son and successor of Henry IV. He began to reign 14th May, 1610, +and died 14th May, 1643.]--then sat upon the throne, but the Cardinal de +Richelieu, governed the kingdom; great men commanded little armies, and +little armies did great things; the fortune of great men depended solely +upon ministerial favour, and blind devotion to the will of the minister +was the only sure method of advancement. + + [Of this great minister Mr. Hume gives the following character:-- + + "Undaunted, Undaunted and implacable, prudent and active, he braved + all the opposition of the French princes and nobles in the + prosecution of his vengeance; he discovered and dissipated all their + secret cabals and conspiracies. His sovereign himself he held in + subjection, while he exalted the throne. The people, while they + lost their liberties, acquired, by means of his administration, + learning, order, discipline, and renown."] + +Vast designs were then laying in the heart of neighbouring +states the foundation of that formidable greatness to which France has +now risen: the police was somewhat neglected; the highways were +impassable by day, and the streets by night; but robberies were committed +elsewhere with greater impunity. Young men, on their first entrance into +the world, took what course they thought proper. Whoever would, was a +chevalier, and whoever could, an abbe: I mean a beneficed abbe: dress +made no distinction between them; and I believe the Chevalier Grammont +was both the one and the other at the siege of Trino.--[Trino was taken +4th May, 1639.]--This was his first campaign, and here he displayed those +attractive graces which so favourably prepossess, and require neither +friends nor recommendations in any company to procure a favourable +reception. The siege was already formed when he arrived, which saved him +some needless risks; for a volunteer cannot rest at ease until he has +stood the first fire: he went therefore to reconnoitre the generals, +having no occasion to reconnoitre the place. Prince Thomas commanded the +army; and as the post of lieutenant-general was not then known, Du +Plessis Pralin and the famous Viscount Turenne were his majors general. +Fortified places were treated with some respect, before a power which +nothing can withstand had found means to destroy them by dreadful showers +of bombs, and by destructive batteries of hundreds of pieces of cannon. +Before these furious storms which drive governors underground and reduce +their garrisons to powder, repeated sallies bravely repulsed, and +vigorous attacks nobly sustained, signalized both the art of the +besiegers and the courage of the besieged; consequently, sieges were of +some length, and young men had an opportunity of gaining some knowledge. +Many brave actions were performed on each side during the siege of Trino; +a great deal of fatigue was endured, and considerable losses sustained; +but fatigue was no more considered, hardships were no more felt in the +trenches, gravity was at an end with the generals, and the troops were no +longer dispirited after the arrival of the Chevalier Grammont. Pleasure +was his pursuit, and he made it universal. + +Among the officers in the army, as in all other places, there are men of +real merit, or pretenders to it. The latter endeavoured to imitate the +Chevalier Grammont in his most shining qualities, but without success; +the former admired his talents and courted his friendship. Of this +number was Matta: + + [Matta, or Matha, of whom Hamilton has drawn so striking a picture, + is said to have been of the house of Bourdeille, which had the + honour to produce Brautome and Montresor. The combination of + indolence and talent, of wit and simplicity, of bluntness and irony, + with which he is represented, may have been derived from tradition, + but could only have been united into the inimitable whole by the pen + of Hamilton. Several of his bons-mots have been preserved; but the + spirit evaporates in translation. "Where could I get this nose," + said Madame D'Albret, observing a slight tendency to a flush in that + feature. "At the side board, Madame," answered Matta. When the + same lady, in despair at her brother's death, refused all + nourishment, Matta administered this blunt consolation: "If you are + resolved, madame, never again to swallow food, you do well; but if + ever you mean to eat upon any future occasion, believe me, you may + as well begin just now." Madame Caylus, in her Souvenirs, + commemorates the simple and natural humour of Matta as rendering him + the most delightful society in the world. Mademoiselle, in her + Memoirs, alludes to his pleasantry in conversation, and turn for + deep gaming. When the Memoirs of Grammont were subjected to the + examination of Fontenelle, then censor of the Parisian press, he + refused to license them, or account of the scandalous conduct + imputed to Grammont in this party at quinze. The count no sooner + heard of this than he hastened to Fontenelle, and having joked him + for being more tender of his reputation than he was himself, the + license was instantly issued. The censor might have retorted upon + Grammont the answer which the count made to a widow who received + coldly his compliments of condolence on her husband's death: "Nay, + madame, if that is the way you take it, I care as little about it as + you do." He died in 1674. "Matta est mort sans confession," says + Madame Maintenon, in a letter to her brother. Tome I., p. 67.] + +He was agreeable in his person, but still more by the natural turn of his +wit; he was plain and simple in his manners, but endued with a quick +discernment and refined delicacy, and full of candour and integrity in +all his actions. The Chevalier Grammont was not long in discovering his +amiable qualities; an acquaintance was soon formed, and was succeeded by +the strictest intimacy. + +Matta insisted that the Chevalier should take up his quarters with him; +to which he only consented on condition of equally contributing to the +expense. As they were both liberal and magnificent, at their common cost +they gave the best designed and most luxurious entertainments that had +ever yet been seen. Play was wonderfully productive at first, and the +Chevalier restored by a hundred different ways that which he obtained +only by one. The generals, being entertained by turns, admired their +magnificence, and were dissatisfied with their own officers for not +keeping such good tables and attendance. The Chevalier had the talent +of setting off the most indifferent things to advantage; and his wit was +so generally acknowledged, that it was a kind of disgrace not to submit +to his taste. To him Matta resigned the care of furnishing the table and +doing its honours; and, charmed with the general applause, persuaded +himself that nothing could be more honourable than their way of living, +and nothing more easy than to continue it; but he soon perceived that the +greatest prosperity is not the most lasting. Good living, bad economy, +dishonest servants, and ill-luck, all uniting together to disconcert +their housekeeping, their table was going to be gradually laid aside, +when the Chevalier's genius, fertile in resources, undertook to support +his former credit by the following expedient. + +They had never yet conferred about the state of their finances, although +the steward had acquainted each, separately, that he must either receive +money to continue the expenses, or give in his accounts. One day, when +the Chevalier came home sooner than usual, he found Matta fast asleep in +an easy chair, and, being unwilling to disturb his rest, he began musing +on his project. Matta awoke without his perceiving it; and having, for a +short time, observed the deep contemplation he seemed involved in, and +the profound silence between two persons who had never held their tongues +for a moment when together before, he broke it by a sudden fit of +laughter, which increased in proportion as the other stared at him. +"A merry way of waking, and ludicrous enough," said the Chevalier; +"what is the matter, and whom do you laugh at!" "Faith, Chevalier," said +Matta, "I am laughing at a dream I had just now, which is so natural and +diverting, that I must make you laugh at it also. I was dreaming that we +had dismissed our maitre-d'hotel, our cook, and our confectioner, having +resolved, for the remainder of the campaign, to live upon others as +others have lived upon us: this was my dream. Now tell me, Chevalier, +on what were you musing?" "Poor fellow!" said the Chevalier, shrugging +up his shoulders, "you are knocked down at once, and thrown into the +utmost consternation and despair at some silly stories which the +maitre-d'hotel has been telling you as well as me. What! after the +figure we have made in the face of the nobility and foreigners in the +army, shall we give it up, and like fools and beggars sneak off, upon the +first failure of our money! Have you no sentiments of honour? Where is +the dignity of France?" "And where is the money?" said Matta; "for my +men say, the devil may take them, if there be ten crowns in the house, +and I believe you have not much more, for it is above a week since I have +seen you pull out your purse, or count your money, an amusement you were +very fond of in prosperity." "I own all this," said the Chevalier, "but +yet I will force you to confess, that you are but a mean-spirited fellow +upon this occasion. What would have become of you if you had been +reduced to the situation I was in at Lyons, four days before I arrived +here? I will tell you the story." + + + + + CHAPTER THIRD. + + EDUCATION AND ADVENTURES OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT + BEFORE HIS COMING TO THE SIEGE OF TRINO. + + +"This," said Matta, "smells strongly of romance, except that it should +have been your squire's part to tell your adventures." + +"True," said the Chevalier; "however, I may acquaint you with my first +exploits without offending my modesty; besides, my squire's style borders +too much upon the burlesque for an heroic narrative. + +"You must know, then, that upon my arrival at Lyons--" + +"Is it thus you begin?" said Matta. "Pray give us your history a little +further back. The most minute particulars of a life like yours are +worthy of relation; but above all, the manner in which you first paid +your respects to Cardinal Richelieu: I have often laughed at it. +However, you may pass over the unlucky pranks of your infancy, your +genealogy, name and quality of your ancestors, for that is a subject +with which you must be utterly unacquainted." + +"Pooh!" said the Chevalier; "you think that all the world is as +ignorant as yourself; you think that I am a stranger to the Mendores and +the Corisandes. So, perhaps I don't know that it was my father's own +fault that he was not the son of Henry IV. The king would by all means +have acknowledged him for his son, but the traitor would never consent +to it. See what the Grammonts would have been now, but for this +cross-grained fellow! They would have had precedence of the Caesars +de Vendome. You may laugh if you like, yet it is as true as the gospel: +but let us come to the point. + +"I was sent to the college of Pau, with the intention of being brought +up to the church; but as I had quite different views, I made no manner +of improvement: gaming was so much in my head, that both my tutor and the +master lost their labour in endeavouring to teach me Latin. Old Brinon, +who served me both as valet-de-chambre and governor, in vain threatened +to acquaint my mother. I only studied when I pleased, that is to say, +seldom or never: however, they treated me as is customary with scholars +of my quality; I was raised to all the dignities of the forms, without +having merited them, and left college nearly in the same state in which I +entered it; nevertheless, I was thought to have more knowledge than was +requisite for the abbacy which my brother had solicited for me. He had +just married the niece of a minister, to whom every one cringed: he was +desirous to present me to him. I felt but little regret to quit the +country, and great impatience to see Paris. My brother having kept me +some time with him, in order to polish me, let me loose upon the town +to shake off my rustic air, and learn the manners of the world. I so +thoroughly gained them, that I could not be persuaded to lay them aside +when I was introduced at court in the character of an Abby. You know +what kind of dress was then the fashion. All that they could obtain of +me was to put a cassock over my other clothes, and my brother, ready to +die with laughing at my ecclesiastical habit, made others laugh too. I +had the finest head of hair in the world, well curled and powdered, above +my cassock, and below were white buskins and gilt spurs. The Cardinal, +who had a quick discernment, could not help laughing. This elevation of +sentiment gave him umbrage; and he foresaw what might be expected from a +genius that already laughed at the shaven crown and cowl. + +"When my brother had taken me home, 'Well, my little parson,' said he, +'you have acted your part to admiration, and your parti-coloured dress of +the ecclesiastic and soldier has greatly diverted the court; but this is +not all: you must now choose, my little knight. Consider then, whether, +by sticking to the church, you will possess great revenues, and have +nothing to do; or, with a small portion, you will risk the loss of a leg +or arm, and be the fructus belli of an insensible court, to arrive in +your old age at the dignity of a major-general, with a glass eye and a +wooden leg.' 'I know,' said I, 'that there is no comparison between +these two situations, with regard to the conveniences of life; but, +as a man ought to secure his future state in preference to all other +considerations, I am resolved to renounce the church for the salvation of +my soul, upon condition, however, that I keep my abbacy.' Neither the +remonstrances nor authority of my brother could induce me to change my +resolution; and he was forced to agree to this last article in order to +keep me at the academy. You know that I am the most adroit man in +France, so that I soon learned all that is taught at such places, and, +at the same time, I also learnt that which gives the finishing stroke to +a young fellow's education, and makes him a gentleman, viz. all sorts of +games, both at cards and dice; but the truth is, I thought, at first, +that I had more skill in them than I really had, as experience proved. +When my mother knew the choice I had made, she was inconsolable; for she +reckoned, that had I been a clergyman I should have been a saint; but now +she was certain that I should either be a devil in the world, or be +killed in the wars. And indeed I burned with impatience to be a soldier; +but being yet too young, I was forced to make a campaign at Bidache +--[A principality belonging to the family of the Grammonts, in the +Province of Gascony.]--before I made one in the army. When I returned to +my mother's house, I had so much the air of a courtier and a man of the +world, that she began to respect me, instead of chiding me for my +infatuation towards the army. I became her favourite, and finding me +inflexible, she only thought of keeping me with her as long as she could, +while my little equipage was preparing. The faithful Brinon, who was to +attend me as valet-de-chambre, was likewise to discharge the office of +governor and equerry, being, perhaps, the only Gascon who was ever +possessed of so much gravity and ill-temper. He passed his word for my +good behaviour and morality, and promised my mother that he would give a +good account of my person in the dangers of the war; but I hope he will +keep his word better as to this last article than he has done as to the +former. + +"My equipage was sent away a week before me. This was so much time +gained by my mother to give me good advice. At length, after having +solemnly enjoined me to have the fear of God before my eyes, and to love +my neighbour as myself, she suffered me to depart, under the protection +of the Lord and the sage Brinon. At the second stage we quarrelled. He +had received four hundred louis d'or for the expenses of the campaign: I +wished to have the keeping of them myself, which he strenuously opposed. +'Thou old scoundrel,' said I, 'is the money thine, or was it given thee +for me? You suppose I must have a treasurer, and receive no money +without his order. I know not whether it was from a presentiment of what +afterwards happened that he grew melancholy; however, it was with the +greatest reluctance, and the most poignant anguish, that he found himself +obliged to yield. One would have thought that I had wrested his very +soul from him. I found myself more light and merry after I had eased him +of his trust; he, on the contrary, appeared so overwhelmed with grief, +that it seemed as if I had laid four hundred pounds of lead upon his +back, instead of taking away these four hundred louis. He went on so +heavily, that I was forced to whip his horse myself, and turning to me, +now and then, 'Ah! sir,' said he, my lady did not think it would be so. +'His reflections and sorrows were renewed at every stage; for, instead of +giving a shilling to the post-boy, I gave him half-a-crown. + +"Having at last reached Lyons, two soldiers stopped us at the gate of the +city, to carry us before the governor. I took one of them to conduct me +to the best inn, and delivered Brinon into the hands of the other, to +acquaint the commandant with the particulars of my journey, and my future +intentions. + +"There are as good taverns at Lyons as at Paris; but my soldier, +according to custom, carried me to a friend of his own, whose house he +extolled as having the best accommodations, and the greatest resort of +good company, in the whole town. The master of this hotel was as big as +a hogshead, his name Cerise; a Swiss by birth, a poisoner by profession, +and a thief by custom. He showed me into a tolerably neat room, and +desired to know whether I pleased to sup by myself or at the ordinary. +I chose the latter, on account of the beau monde which the soldier had +boasted of. + +"Brinon, who was quite out of temper at the many questions which the +governor had asked him, returned more surly than an old ape; and seeing +that I was dressing my hair, in order to go downstairs: 'What are you +about now, sir?' said he. 'Are you going to tramp about the town? No, +no; have we not had tramping enough ever since the morning? Eat a bit of +supper, and go to bed betimes, that you may get on horseback by +day-break.' 'Mr. Comptroller,' said I, 'I shall neither tramp about the +town, nor eat alone, nor go to bed early. I intend to sup with the +company below.' 'At the ordinary!' cried he; 'I beseech you, sir, do not +think of it! Devil take me, if there be not a dozen brawling fellows +playing at cards and dice, who make noise enough to drown the loudest +thunder!' + +"I was grown insolent since I had seized the money; and being desirous to +shake off the yoke of a governor, 'Do you know, Mr. Brinon,' said I, +'that I don't like a blockhead to set up for a reasoner? Do you go to +supper, if you please; but take care that I have post-horses ready before +daybreak.' The moment he mentioned cards and dice, I felt the money burn +in my pocket. I was somewhat surprised, however, to find the room where +the ordinary was served filled with odd-looking creatures. My host, +after presenting me to the company, assured me that there were but +eighteen or twenty of those gentlemen who would have the honour to sup +with me. I approached one of the tables where they were playing, and +thought I should have died with laughing: I expected to have seen good +company and deep play; but I only met with two Germans playing at +backgammon. Never did two country boobies play like them; but their +figures beggared all description. The fellow near whom I stood was +short, thick, and fat, and as round as a ball, with a ruff, and +prodigious high crowned hat. Any one, at a moderate distance, would have +taken him for the dome of a church, with the steeple on the top of it. +I inquired of the host who he was. 'A merchant from Basle,' said he, +'who comes hither to sell horses; but from the method he pursues, I think +he will not dispose of many; for he does nothing but play.' 'Does he +play deep?' said I. 'Not now,' said he; 'they are only playing for their +reckoning, while supper is getting ready; but he has no objection to +play as deep as any one.' 'Has he money?' said I. 'As for that,' +replied the treacherous Cerise, 'would to God you had won a thousand +pistoles of him, and I went your halves; we should not be long without +our money.' I wanted no further encouragement to meditate the ruin of +the high-crowned hat. I went nearer to him, in order to take a closer +survey; never was such a bungler; he made blots upon blots; God knows, I +began to feel some remorse at winning of such an ignoramus, who knew so +little of the game. He lost his reckoning; supper was served up; and I +desired him to sit next me. It was a long table, and there were at least +five-and-twenty in company, notwithstanding the landlord's promise. The +most execrable repast that ever was begun being finished, all the crowd +insensibly dispersed, except the little Swiss, who still kept near me, +and the landlord, who placed himself on the other side of me. They both +smoked like dragoons; and the Swiss was continually saying, in bad +French, 'I ask your pardon, sir, for my great freedom,' at the same time +blowing such whiffs of tobacco in my face as almost suffocated me. Mr. +Cerise, on the other hand, desired he might take the liberty of asking me +whether I had ever been in his country? and seemed surprised I had so +genteel an air, without having travelled in Switzerland. + +"The little chub I had to encounter was full as inquisitive as the other. +He desired to know whether I came from the army in Piedmont; and having +told him I was going thither, he asked me, whether I had a mind to buy +any horses; that he had about two hundred to dispose of, and that he +would sell them cheap. I began to be smoked like a gammon of bacon; +and being quite wearied out, both with their tobacco and their questions, +I asked my companion if he would play for a single pistole at backgammon, +while our men were supping; it was not without great ceremony that he +consented, at the same time asking my pardon for his great freedom. + +"I won the game; I gave him his revenge, and won again. We then played +double or quit; I won that too, and all in the twinkling of an eye; for +he grew vexed, and suffered himself to be taken in so that I began to +bless my stars for my good fortune. Brinon came in about the end of the +third game, to put me to bed, he made a great sign of the cross, but paid +no attention to the signs I made him to retire. I was forced to rise to +give him that order in private. He began to reprimand me for disgracing +myself by keeping company with such a low-bred wretch. It was in vain +that I told him he was a great merchant, that he had a great deal of +money, and that he played like a child. 'He a merchant,' cried Brinon. +'Do not believe that, sir! May the devil take me, if he is not some +conjurer.' 'Hold your tongue, old fool,' said I; 'he is no more a +conjurer than you are, and that is decisive; and, to prove it to you, I +am resolved to win four or five hundred pistoles of him before I go to +bed. With these words I turned him out, strictly enjoining him not to +return, or in any manner to disturb us. + +"The game being done, the little Swiss unbuttoned his pockets, to pull +out a new four-pistole piece, and presenting it to me, he asked my pardon +for his great freedom, and seemed as if he wished to retire. This was +not what I wanted. I told him we only played for amusement; that I had +no design upon his money; and that, if he pleased, I would play him a +single game for his four pistoles. He raised some objections; but +consented at last, and won back his money. I was piqued at it. I played +another game; fortune changed sides; the dice ran for him, he made no +more blots. I lost the game; another game, and double or quit; we +doubled the stake, and played double or quit again. I was vexed; he, +like a true gamester, took every bet I offered, and won all before him, +without my getting more than six points in eight or ten games. I asked +him to play a single game for one hundred pistoles; but as he saw I did +not stake, he told me it was late; that he must go and look after his +horses; and went away, still asking my pardon for his great freedom. The +cool manner of his refusal, and the politeness with which he took his +leave, provoked me to such a degree, that I could almost have killed him. +I was so confounded at losing my money so fast, even to the last pistole, +that I did not immediately consider the miserable situation to which I +was reduced. + +"I durst not go up to my chamber for fear of Brinon. By good luck, +however, he was tired with waiting for me, and had gone to bed. This was +some consolation, though but of short continuance. As soon as I was laid +down, all the fatal consequences of my adventure presented themselves to +my imagination. I could not sleep. I saw all the horrors of my +misfortune, without being able to find any remedy; in vain did I rack my +brain; it supplied me with no expedient. I feared nothing so much as +daybreak; however, it did come, and the cruel Brinon along with it. He +was booted up to the middle, and cracking a cursed whip, which he held in +his hand, 'Up, Monsieur le Chevalier,' cried he, opening the curtains; +'the horses are at the door, and you are still asleep. We ought by this +time to have ridden two stages; give me money to pay the reckoning.' +'Brinon,' said I, in a dejected tone, 'draw the curtains.' 'What!' cried +he, 'draw the curtains! Do you intend, then, to make your campaign at +Lyons? you seem to have taken a liking to the place. And for the great +merchant, you have stripped him, I suppose? No, no, Monsieur le +Chevalier, this money will never do you any good. This wretch has, +perhaps, a family; and it is his children's bread that he has been +playing with, and that you have won. Was this an object to sit up all +night for? What would my lady say, if she knew what a life you lead?' +'M. Brinon,' said I, 'pray draw the curtains.' But instead of obeying +me, one would have thought that the devil had prompted him to use the +most pointed and galling terms to a person under such misfortunes. 'And +how much have you won?' said he; 'five hundred pistoles? what must the +poor man do? + +"'Recollect, Monsieur le Chevalier, what I have said, this money will never +thrive with you. It is, perhaps, but four hundred? three? two? well +if it be but one hundred louis d'or, continued he, seeing that I shook my +head at every sum which he had named, there is no great mischief done; +one hundred pistoles will not ruin him, provided you have won them +fairly.' 'Friend Brinon,' said I, fetching a deep sigh, 'draw the +curtains; I am unworthy to see daylight' Brinon was much affected at +these melancholy words, but I thought he would have fainted, when I told +him the whole adventure. He tore his hair, made grievous lamentations, +the burden of which still was, 'What will my lady say?' And, after +having exhausted his unprofitable complaints, 'What will become of you +now, Monsieur le Chevalier?' said he, 'what do you intend to do?' +'Nothing,' said I, 'for I am fit for no thing. After this, being +somewhat eased after making him my confession, I thought upon several +projects, to none of which could I gain his approbation. I would have +had him post after my equipage, to have sold some of my clothes. I was +for proposing to the horse-dealer to buy some horses of him at a high +price on credit, to sell again cheap. Brinon laughed at all these +schemes, and after having had the cruelty of keeping me upon the rack for +a long time, he at last extricated me. Parents are always stingy towards +their poor children; my mother intended to have given me five hundred +louis d'or, but she had kept back fifty, as well for some little repairs +in the abbey, as to pay for praying for me. Brinon had the charge of the +other fifty, with strict injunctions not to speak of them, unless upon +some urgent necessity. And this you see soon happened. + +"Thus you have a brief account of my first adventure. Play has hitherto +favoured me; for, since my arrival, I have had, at one time, after paying +all my expenses, fifteen hundred louis d'or. Fortune is now again become +unfavourable: we must mend her. Our cash runs low; we must, therefore, +endeavour to recruit." + +"Nothing is more easy," said Matta; "it is only to find out such another +dupe as the horse-dealer at Lyons; but now I think on it, has not the +faithful Brinon some reserve for the last extremity? Faith, the time is +now come, and we cannot do better than to make use of it!" + +"Your raillery would be very seasonable," said the Chevalier, "if you +knew how to extricate us out of this difficulty. You must certainly have +an overflow of wit, to be throwing it away upon every occasion as at +present. What the devil! will you always be bantering, without +considering what a serious situation we are reduced to. Mind what I say, +I will go tomorrow to the head-quarters, I will dine with the Count de +Cameran, and I will invite him to supper." "Where?" said Matta. +"Here," said the Chevalier. "You are mad, my poor friend," replied +Matta. "This is some such project as you formed at Lyons: you know we +have neither money nor credit; and, to re-establish our circumstances, +you intend to give a supper." + +"Stupid fellow!" said the Chevalier, "is it possible, that, so long as +we have been acquainted, you should have learned no more invention? The +Count de Cameran plays at quinze, and so do I; we want money; he has more +than he knows what to do with; I will bespeak a splendid supper, he shall +pay for it. Send your maitre-d'hotel to me, and trouble yourself no +further, except in some precautions, which it is necessary to take on +such an occasion." "What are they?" said Matta. "I will tell you," +said the Chevalier; "for I find one must explain to you things that are +as clear as noon-day." + +"You command the guards that are here, don't you? As soon as night comes +on, you shall order fifteen or twenty men, under the command of your +sergeant La Place, to be under arms, and to lay themselves flat on the +ground, between this place and the head-quarters." "What the devil!" +cried Matta, "an ambuscade? God forgive me, I believe you intend to rob +the poor Savoyard. If that be your intention, I declare I will have +nothing to say to it" "Poor devil!" said the Chevalier, "the matter is +this; it is very likely that we shall win his money. The Piedmontese, +though otherwise good fellows, are apt to be suspicious and distrustful. +He commands the horse; you know you cannot hold your tongue, and are very +likely to let slip some jest or other that may vex him. Should he take +it into his head that he is cheated, and resent it, who knows what the +consequences might be? for he is commonly attended by eight or ten +horsemen. Therefore, however he may be provoked at his loss, it is +proper to be in such a situation as not to dread his resentment" + +"Embrace me, my dear Chevalier," said Matta, holding his sides and +laughing; "embrace me, for thou art not to be matched. What a fool I was +to think, when you talked to me of taking precautions, that nothing more +was necessary than to prepare a table and cards, or perhaps to provide +some false dice! I should never have thought of supporting a man who +plays at quinze by a detachment of foot: I must, indeed, confess that you +are already a great soldier." + +The next day everything happened as the Chevalier Grammont had planned +it; the unfortunate Cameran fell into the snare. They supped in the most +agreeable manner possible Matta drank five or six bumpers to drown a few +scruples which made him somewhat uneasy. The Chevalier de Grammont shone +as usual, and almost made his guest die with laughing, whom he was soon +after to make very serious; and the good-natured Cameran ate like a man +whose affections were divided between good cheer and a love of play; that +is to say, he hurried down his victuals, that he might not lose any of +the precious time which he had devoted to quinze. + +Supper being done, the sergeant La Place posted his ambuscade, and the +Chevalier de Grammont engaged his man. The perfidy of Cerise, and the +high-crowned hat, were still fresh in remembrance, and enabled him to get +the better of a few grains of remorse, and conquer some scruples which +arose in his mind. Matta, unwilling to be a spectator of violated +hospitality, sat down in an easy chair, in order to fall asleep, while +the Chevalier was stripping the poor Count of his money. + +They only staked three or four pistoles at first, just for amusement; but +Cameran having lost three or four times, he staked high, and the game +became serious. He still lost, and became outrageous; the cards flew +about the room, and the exclamations awoke Matta. + +As his head was heavy with sleep, and hot with wine, he began to laugh +at the passion of the Piedmontese, instead of consoling him. "Faith, my +poor Count," said he, "if I were in your place, I would play no more." +"Why so?" said the other. "I don't know," said he, "but my heart tells +me that your ill-luck will continue." "I will try that," said Cameran, +calling for fresh cards. "Do so," said Matta, and fell asleep again. +It was but for a short time. All cards were equally unfortunate for +the loser. He held none but tens or court-cards; and if by chance he had +quinze, he was sure to be the younger hand, and therefore lost it. Again +he stormed. "Did not I tell you so?" said Matta, starting out of his +sleep. "All your storming is in vain; as long as you play you will lose. +Believe me, the shortest follies are the best. Leave off, for the devil +take me if it is possible for you to win." "Why?" said Cameran, who +began to be impatient. "Do you wish to know?" said Matta; "why, faith, +it is because we are cheating you." + +The Chevalier de Grammont was provoked at so ill-timed a jest, more +especially as it carried along with it some appearance of truth. "Mr. +Matta," said he, "do you think it can be very agreeable for a man who +plays with such ill-luck as the Count to be pestered with your insipid +jests? For my part, I am so weary of the game, that I would desist +immediately, if he was not so great a loser." Nothing is more dreaded by +a losing gamester, than such a threat; and the Count, in a softened tone, +told the Chevalier that Mr. Matta might say what he pleased, if he did +not offend him; that, as to himself, it did not give him the smallest +uneasiness. + +The Chevalier de Grammont gave the Count far better treatment than he +himself had experienced from the Swiss at Lyons; for he played upon +credit as long as he pleased; which Cameran took so kindly, that he lost +fifteen hundred pistoles, and paid them the next morning. As for Matta, +he was severely reprimanded for the intemperance of his tongue. All the +reason he gave for his conduct was, that he made it a point of conscience +not to suffer the poor Savoyard to be cheated without informing him of +it. "Besides," said he, "it would have given me pleasure to have seen my +infantry engaged with his horse, if he had been inclined to mischief." + +This adventure having recruited their finances, fortune favoured them the +remainder of the campaign, and the Chevalier de Grammont, to prove that +he had only seized upon the Count's effects by way of reprisal, and to +indemnify himself for the losses he had sustained at Lyons, began from +this time to make the same use of his money, that he has been known to +do since upon all occasions. He found out the distressed, in order to +relieve them; officers who had lost their equipage in the war, or their +money at play; soldiers who were disabled in the trenches; in short, +every one felt the influence of his benevolence: but his manner of +conferring a favour exceeded even the favour itself. + +Every man possessed of such amiable qualities must meet with success in +all his undertakings. The soldiers knew his person, and adored him. The +generals were sure to meet him in every scene of action, and sought his +company at other times. As soon as fortune declared for him, his first +care was to make restitution, by desiring Cameran to go his halves in all +parties where the odds were in his favour. + +An inexhaustible fund of vivacity and good humour gave a certain air of +novelty to whatever he either said or did. I know not on what occasion +it was that Monsieur de Turenne towards the end of the siege, commanded a +separate body. The Chevalier de Grammont went to visit him at his new +quarters, where he found fifteen or twenty officers. M. de Turenne was +naturally fond of merriment, and the Chevalier's presence was sure to +inspire it. He was much pleased with this visit, and, by way of +acknowledgment, would have engaged him to play. The Chevalier de +Grammont, in returning him thanks, said, that he had learned from his +tutor, that when a man went to see his friends, it was neither prudent to +leave his own money behind him, nor civil to carry off theirs. "Truly," +said Monsieur de Turenne, "you will find neither deep play nor much money +among us; but, that it may not be said that we suffered you to depart +without playing, let us stake every one a horse." + +The Chevalier de Grammont agreed. Fortune, who had followed him to a +place where he did not think he should have any need of her, made him win +fifteen or sixteen horses, by way of joke; but, seeing some countenances +disconcerted at the loss, "Gentlemen," said he, "I should be sorry to see +you return on foot from your general's quarters; it will be enough for me +if you send me your horses to-morrow, except one, which I give for the +cards." + +The valet-de-chambre thought he was bantering. "I speak seriously," said +the Chevalier, "I give you a horse for the cards; and, what is more, take +whichever you please, except my own." "Truly," said Monsieur de Turenne, +"I am vastly pleased with the novelty of the thing; for I don't believe +that a horse was ever before given for the cards." + + +Trino surrendered at last. The Baron de Batteville, who had defended it +valiantly, and for a long time, obtained a capitulation worthy of such a +resistance. + + [This officer appears to have been the same person who was + afterwards ambassador from Spain to the court of Great Britain, + where, in the summer of 1660, he offended the French court, by + claiming precedence of their ambassador, Count d'Estrades, on the + public entry of the Swedish ambassador into London. On this + occasion the court of France compelled its rival of Spain to submit + to the mortifying circumstance of acknowledging the French + superiority. To commemorate this important victory, Louis XIV. + caused a medal to be struck, representing the Spanish ambassador, + the Marquis de Fuente, making the declaration to that king, "No + concurrer con los ambassadores des de Francia," with this + inscription, "Jus praecedendi assertum," and under it, "Hispaniorum + excusatio coram xxx legatis principum, 1662." A very curious + account of the fray occasioned by this dispute, drawn up by Evelyn, + is to be seen in that gentleman's article in the Biographia + Britannica.] + +I do not know whether the Chevalier de Grammont had any share in the +capture of this place; but I know very well, that during a more glorious +reign, and with armies ever victorious, his intrepidity and address have +been the cause of taking others since, even under the eye of his master, +as we shall see in the sequel of these memoirs. + + + + + + + MEMOIRS OF COUNT GRAMMONT, VOLUME 2. + + By Anthony Hamilton + + EDITED, WITH NOTES, BY SIR WALTER SCOTT + + + + + CHAPTER FOURTH. + + HIS ARRIVAL AT THE COURT OF TURIN, + AND HOW HE SPENT HIS TIME THERE. + + +Military glory is at most but one half of the accomplishments which +distinguish heroes. Love must give the finishing stroke, and adorn their +character by the difficulties they encounter, the temerity of their +enterprises, and finally, by the lustre of success. We have examples of +this, not only in romances, but also in the genuine histories of the most +famous warriors and the most celebrated conquerors. + +The Chevalier de Grammont and Matta, who did not think much of these +examples, were, however, of opinion, that it would be very agreeable to +refresh themselves after the fatigues of the siege of Trino, by forming +some other sieges, at the expense of the beauties and the husbands of +Turin. As the campaign had finished early, they thought they should have +time to perform some exploits before the bad weather obliged them to +repass the mountains. + +They sallied forth, therefore, not unlike Amadis de Gaul or Don Galaor +after they had been dubbed knights, eager in their search after +adventures in love, war and enchantments. They were greatly superior to +those two brothers, who only knew how to cleave in twain giants, to break +lances, and to carry off fair damsels behind them on horseback, without +saying a single word to them; whereas our heroes were adepts at cards and +dice, of which the others were totally ignorant. + +They went to Turin, met with an agreeable reception, and were greatly +distinguished at court. Could it be otherwise? They were young and +handsome; they had wit at command, and spent their money liberally. In +what country will not a man succeed, possessing such advantages? As +Turin was at that time the seat of gallantry and of love, two strangers +of this description, who were always cheerful, brisk and lively, could +not fail to please the ladies of the court. + +Though the men of Turin were extremely handsome, they were not, however, +possessed of the art of pleasing. They treated their wives with respect, +and were courteous to strangers. Their wives, still more handsome, were +full as courteous to strangers, and less respectful to their husbands. + +Madame Royale, a worthy daughter of Henry IV., rendered her little court +the most agreeable in the world. She inherited such of her father's +virtues as compose the proper ornament of her sex; and with regard to +what are termed the foibles of great souls, her highness had in no wise +degenerated. + +The Count de Tanes was her prime minister. It was not difficult to +conduct affairs of state during his administration. No complaints were +alleged against him; and the princess, satisfied with his conduct +herself, was, above all, glad to have her choice approved by her whole +court, where people lived nearly according to the manners and customs of +ancient chivalry. + +The ladies had each a professed lover, for fashion's sake, besides +volunteers, whose numbers were unlimited. The declared admirers wore +their mistresses' liveries, their arms, and sometimes even took their +names. Their office was, never to quit them in public, and never to +approach them in private; to be their squires upon all occasions, and, +in jousts and tournaments, to adorn their lances, their housings, and +their coats, with the cyphers and the colours of their dulcineas. + +Matta was far from being averse to gallantry; but would have liked it +more simple than as it was practised at Turin. The ordinary forms would +not have disgusted him; but he found here a sort of superstition in the +ceremonies and worship of love, which he thought very inconsistent: +however, as he had submitted his conduct in that matter to the direction +of the Chevalier de Grammont, he was obliged to follow his example, and +to conform to the customs of the country. + +They enlisted themselves at the same time in the service of two beauties, +whose former squires gave them up immediately from motives of politeness. +The Chevalier de Grammont chose Mademoiselle de Saint-Germain, and told +Matta to offer his services to Madame de Senantes. Matta consented, +though he liked the other better; but the Chevalier de Grammont persuaded +him that Madame de Senantes was more suitable for him. As he had reaped +advantage from the Chevalier's talents in the first projects they had +formed, he resolved to follow his instructions in love, as he had done +his advice in play. + +Mademoiselle de Saint-Germain was in the bloom of youth; her eyes were +small, but very bright and sparkling, and, like her hair, were black; her +complexion was lively and clear, though not fair: she, had an agreeable +mouth, two fine rows of teeth, a neck as handsome as one could wish, and +a most delightful shape; she had a particular elegance in her elbows, +which, however, she did not show to advantage; her hands were rather +large and not very white; her feet, though not of the smallest, were well +shaped; she trusted to Providence, and used no art to set off those +graces which she had received from nature; but, notwithstanding her +negligence in the embellishment of her charms, there was something so +lively in her person, that the Chevalier de Grammont was caught at first +sight; her wit and humour corresponded with her other qualities, being +quite easy and perfectly charming; she was all mirth, all life, all +complaisance and politeness, and all was natural, and always the same +without any variation. + +The Marchioness de Senantes was esteemed fair, and she might have +enjoyed, if she had pleased, the reputation of having red hair, had she +not rather chosen to conform to the taste of the age in which she lived +than to follow that of the ancients: she had all the advantages of red +hair without any of the inconveniences; a constant attention to her +person served as a corrective to the natural defects of her complexion. +After all, what does it signify, whether cleanliness be owing to nature +or to art? it argues an invidious temper to be very inquisitive about +it. She had a great deal of wit, a good memory, more reading, and a +still greater inclination towards tenderness. + +She had a husband whom it would have been criminal even in chastity to +spare. He piqued himself upon being a Stoic, and gloried in being +slovenly and disgusting in honour of his profession. In this he +succeeded to admiration; for he was very fat, so that he perspired almost +as much in winter as in summer. Erudition and brutality seemed to be the +most conspicuous features of his character, and were displayed in his +conversation, sometimes together, sometimes alternately, but always +disagreeably: he was not jealous, and yet he was troublesome; he was very +well pleased to see attentions paid to his wife, provided more were paid +to him. + +As soon as our adventurers had declared themselves, the Chevalier de +Grammont arrayed himself in green habiliments, and dressed Matta in blue, +these being the favourite colours of their new mistresses. They entered +immediately upon duty: the Chevalier learned and practised all the +ceremonies of this species of gallantry, as if he always had been +accustomed to them; but Matta commonly forgot one half, and was not over +perfect in practising the other. He never could remember that his office +was to promote the glory, and not the interest, of his mistress. + +The Duchess of Savoy gave the very next day an entertainment at La +Venerie, where all the ladies were invited. + +The Chevalier was so agreeable and diverting, that he made his mistress +almost die with laughing. Matta, in leading his lady to the coach, +squeezed her hand, and at their return from the promenade he begged +of her to pity his sufferings. Thus was proceeding rather too +precipitately, and although Madame de Senantes was not destitute of the +natural compassion of her sex, she nevertheless was shocked at the +familiarity of this treatment; she thought herself obliged to show some +degree of resentment, and pulling away her hand, which he had pressed +with still greater fervency upon this declaration, she went up to the +royal apartments without even looking at her new lover. Matta, never +thinking that he had offended her, suffered her to go, and went in search +of some company to sup with him: nothing was more easy for a man of his +disposition; he soon found what he wanted, sat a long time at table to +refresh himself after the fatigue, of love, and went to bed completely +satisfied that he had performed his part to perfection. + +During all this time the Chevalier de Grammont acquitted himself towards +Mademoiselle de Saint Germain with universal applause; and without +remitting his assiduities, he found means to shine, as they went along, +in the relation of a thousand entertaining anecdotes, which he introduced +in the general conversation. Her Royal Highness heard them with +pleasure, and the solitary Senantes likewise attended to them. He +perceived this, and quitted his mistress to inquire what she had done +with Matta. + +"I" said she, "I have done nothing with him; but I don't know what he +would have done with me if I had been obliging enough to listen to his +most humble solicitations." + +She then told him in what manner his friend had treated her the very +second day of their acquaintance. + +The Chevalier could not forbear laughing at it: he told her Matta was +rather too unceremonious, but yet she would like him better as their +intimacy more improved, and for her consolation he assured her that he +would have spoken in the same manner to her Royal Highness herself; +however, he would not fail to give him a severe reprimand. He went the +next morning into his room for that purpose; but Matta had gone out early +in the morning on a shooting party, in which he had been engaged by his +supper companions in the preceding evening. At his return he took a +brace of partridges and went to his mistress. Being asked whether he +wished to see the Marquis, he said no; and the Swiss telling him his lady +was not at home, he left his partridges, and desired him to present them +to his mistress from him. + +The Marchioness was at her toilet, and was decorating her head with all +the grace she could devise to captivate Matta, at the moment he was +denied admittance: she knew nothing of the matter; but her husband knew +every particular. He had taken it in dudgeon that the first visit was +not paid to him, and as he was resolved that it should not be paid to his +wife, the Swiss had received his orders, and had almost been beaten for +receiving the present which had been left. The partridges, however, were +immediately sent back, and Matta, without examining into the cause, was +glad to have them again. He went to court without ever changing his +clothes, or in the least considering he ought not to appear there without +his lady's colours. He found her becomingly dressed; her eyes appeared +to him more than usually sparkling, and her whole person altogether +divine. He began from that day to be much pleased with himself for his +complaisance to the Chevalier de Grammont; however, he could not help +remarking that she looked but coldly upon him. This appeared to him a +very extraordinary return for his services, and, imagining that she was +unmindful of her weighty obligations to him, he entered into conversation +with her, and severely reprimanded her for having sent back his +partridges with so much indifference. + +She did not understand what he meant; and highly offended that he did not +apologize, after the reprimand which she concluded him to have received, +told him that he certainly had met with ladies of very complying +dispositions in his travels, as he seemed to give to himself airs that +she was by no means accustomed to endure. Matta desired to know wherein +he could be said to have given himself any. "Wherein?" said she: "the +second day that you honoured me with your attentions, you treated me as +if I had been your humble servant for a thousand years; the first time +that I gave you my hand you squeezed it as violently as you were able. +After this commencement of your courtship, I got into my coach, and you +mounted your horse; but instead of riding by the side of the coach, as +any reasonable gallant would have done, no sooner did a hare start from +her form, than you immediately galloped full speed after her; having +regaled yourself, during the promenade, by taking snuff, without ever +deigning to bestow a thought on me, the only proof you gave me, on your +return, that you recollected me, was by soliciting me to surrender my +reputation in terms polite enough, but very explicit. And now you talk +to me of having been shooting of partridges and of some visit or other, +which, I suppose, you have been dreaming of, as well as of all the rest." + +The Chevalier de Grammont now advanced, to the interruption of this +whimsical dialogue. Matta was rebuked for his forwardness, and his +friend took abundant pains to convince him that his conduct bordered more +upon insolence than familiarity. Matta endeavoured to exculpate himself, +but succeeded ill. His mistress took compassion upon him, and consented +to admit his excuses, for the manner, rather than his repentance for the +fact, and declared that it was the intention alone which could either +justify or condemn, in such cases; that it was very easy to pardon those +transgressions which arise from excess of tenderness, but not such as +proceeded from too great a presumption of success. Matta swore that he +only squeezed her hand from the violence of his passion, and that he had +been driven, by necessity, to ask her to relieve it; that he was yet a +novice in the arts of solicitation; that he could not possibly think her +more worthy of his affection, after a month's service, than at the +present moment; and that he entreated her to cast away an occasional +thought upon him when her leisure admitted. The Marchioness was not +offended, she saw very well that she must require an implicit conformity +to the established rule of decorum, when she had to deal with such a +character; and the Chevalier de Grammont, after this sort of +reconciliation, went to look after his own affair with Mademoiselle de +St. Germain. + +His concern was not the offspring of mere good nature, nay, it was the +reverse; for no sooner did he perceive that the Marchioness looked with +an eye of favour upon him, than this conquest, appearing to him to be +more easy than the other, he thought it was prudent to take advantage of +it, for fear of losing the opportunity, and that he might not have spent +all his time to no purpose, in case he should prove unsuccessful with the +little St. Germain. + +In the mean time, in order to maintain that authority which he had +usurped over the conduct of his friend, he, that very evening, +notwithstanding what had been already said, reprimanded him for presuming +to appear at court in his morning suit, and without his mistress's badge; +for not having had the wit or prudence to pay his first visit to the +Marquis de Senantes, instead of consuming his time, to no purpose, in +inquiries for the lady; and, to conclude, he asked him what the devil he +meant by presenting her with a brace of miserable red partridges. "And +why not?" said Matta: "ought they to have been blue, too, to match the +cockade and sword-knots you made me wear the other day? Plague not me +with your nonsensical whimsies: my life on it, in one fortnight your +equal in foppery and folly will not be found throughout the confines of +Turin; but, to reply to your questions, I did not call upon Monsieur de +Senantes, because I had nothing to do with him, and because he is of a +species of animals which I dislike, and always shall dislike: as for you, +you appear quite charmed with being decked out in green ribands, with +writing letters to your mistress, and filling your pockets with citrons, +pistachios, and such sort of stuff, with which you are always cramming +the poor girl's mouth, in spite of her teeth: you hope to succeed by +chanting ditties composed in the days of Corisande and of Henry IV., +which you will swear yourself have made upon her: happy in practising the +ceremonials of gallantry, you have no ambition for the essentials. Very +well: every one has a particular way of acting, as well as a particular +taste: your's is to trifle in love; and, provided you can make +Mademoiselle de St. Germain laugh, you are satisfied: as for my part, I +am persuaded, that women here are made of the same materials as in other +places; and I do not think that they can be mightily offended, if one +sometimes leaves off trifling, to come to the point: however, if the +Marchioness is not of this way of thinking, she may e'en provide herself +elsewhere; for I can assure her, that I shall not long act the part of +her squire." + +This was an unnecessary menace; for the Marchioness in reality liked him +very well, was nearly of the same way of thinking herself, and wished for +nothing more than to put his gallantry to the test. But Matta proceeded +upon a wrong plan; he had conceived such an aversion for her husband, +that he could not prevail upon himself to make the smallest advance +towards his good graces. He was given to understand that he ought to +begin by endeavouring to lull the dragon to sleep, before he could gain +possession of the treasure; but this was all to no purpose, though, at +the same time, he could never see his mistress but in public. This made +him impatient, and as he was lamenting his ill-fortune to her one day: +"Have the goodness, madam," said he, "to let me know where you live: +there is never a day that I do not call upon you, at least, three or four +times, without ever being blessed with a sight of you." "I generally +sleep at home," replied she, laughing; "but I must tell you, that you +will never find me there, if you do not first pay a visit to the Marquis: +I am not mistress of the house. I do not tell you," continued she, "that +he is a man whose acquaintance any one would very impatiently covet +for his conversation: on the contrary, I agree that his humour is +fantastical, and his manners not of the pleasing cast; but there is +nothing so savage and inhuman, which a little care, attention, and +complaisance may not tame into docility. I must repeat to you some +verses upon the subject: I have got them by heart, because they contain a +little advice, which you may accommodate, if you please, to your own +case." + + RONDEAU. + + Keep in mind these maxims rare, + You who hope to win the fair; + Who are, or would esteemed be, + The quintessence of gallantry. + + That fopp'ry, grinning, and grimace, + And fertile store of common-place; + That oaths as false as dicers swear, + And Wry teeth, and scented hair; + That trinkets, and the pride of dress, + Can only give your scheme success. + Keep in mind. + + Has thy charmer e'er an aunt? + Then learn the rules of woman's cant, + And forge a tale, and swear you read it, + Such as, save woman, none would credit + Win o'er her confidante and pages + By gold, for this a golden age is; + And should it be her wayward fate, + To be encumbered with a mate, + A dull, old dotard should he be, + That dulness claims thy courtesy. + Keep in mind. + +"Truly," said Matta, "the song may say what it pleases, but I cannot put +it in practice: your husband is far too exquisite a monster for me. Why, +what a plaguey odd ceremony do you require of us in this country, if we +cannot pay our compliments to the wife without being in love with the +husband!" + +The Marchioness was much offended at this answer; and as she thought she +had done enough in pointing out to him the path which would conduct him +to success, if he had deserved it, she did not think it worth while to +enter into any farther explanation; since he refused to cede, for her +salve, so trilling an objection: from this instant she resolved to have +done with him. + +The Chevalier de Grammont had taken leave of his mistress nearly at the +same time: the ardour of his pursuit was extinguished. It was not that +Mademoiselle de Saint Germain was less worthy than hitherto of his +attentions: on the contrary her attractions visibly increased: she +retired to her pillow with a thousand charms, and ever rose from it with +additional beauty the phrase of increasing in beauty as she increased in +years seemed to have been purposely made for her. The Chevalier could +not deny these truths, but yet he could not find his account in them: a +little less merit, with a little less discretion, would have been more +agreeable. He perceived that she attended to him with pleasure, that +she was diverted with his stories as much as he could wish, and that +she received his billets and presents without scruple; but then he +also discovered that she did not wish to proceed any farther. He had +exhausted every species of address upon her, and all to no purpose: her +attendant was gained: her family, charmed with the music of his +conversation and his great attention, were never happy without him: in +short, he had reduced to practice the advice contained in the +Marchioness's song, and everything conspired to deliver the little Saint +Germain into his hands, if the little Saint Germain had herself been +willing: but alas! she was not inclined. It was in vain he told her the +favour he desired would cost her nothing; and that since these treasures +were rarely comprised in the fortune a lady brings with her in marriage, +she would never find any person, who, by unremitting tenderness, +unwearied attachment, and inviolable secrecy, would prove more worthy of +them than himself. He then told her no husband was ever able to convey +a proper idea of the sweets of love, and that nothing could be more +different than the passionate fondness of a lover, always tender, always +affectionate, yet always respectful, and the careless indifference of a +husband. + +Mademoiselle de Saint Germain, not wishing to take the matter in a +serious light, that she might not be forced to resent it, answered, that +since it was generally the custom in her country to marry, she thought it +was right to conform to it, without entering into the knowledge of those +distinctions, and those marvellous particulars, which she did not very +well understand, and of which she did not wish to have any further +explanation; that she had submitted to listen to him this one time, but +desired he would never speak to her again in the same strain, since such +sort of conversation was neither entertaining to her, nor could be +serviceable to him. Though no one was ever more facetious than +Mademoiselle de Saint Germain, she yet knew how to assume a very serious +air, when ever occasion required it. The Chevalier de Grammont soon saw +that she was in earnest; and finding it would cost him a great deal of +time to effect a change in her sentiments, he was so far cooled in this +pursuit, that he only made use of it to hide the designs he had upon the +Marchioness de Senantes. + +He found this lady much disgusted at Matta's want of complaisance; and +his seeming contempt for her erased every favourable impression which +she had once entertained for him. While she was in this humour, the +Chevalier told her that her resentment was just; he exaggerated the loss +which his friend had sustained; he told her that her charms were a +thousand times superior to those of the little Saint Germain, and +requested that favour for himself which his friend did not deserve. He +was soon favourably heard upon this topic; and as soon as they were +agreed, they consulted upon two measures necessary to be taken, the one +to deceive her husband, the other his friend, which was not very +difficult: Matta was not at all suspicious: and the stupid Senantes, +towards whom the Chevalier had already behaved as Matta had refused to +do, could not be easy without him. This was much more than was wanted; +for as soon as ever the Chevalier was with the Marchioness, her husband +immediately joined them out of politeness; and on no account would have +left them alone together, for fear they should grow weary of each other +without him. + +Matta, who all this time was entirely ignorant that he was disgraced, +continued to serve his mistress in his own way. She had agreed with the +Chevalier de Grammont, that to all appearance everything should be +carried on as before; so that the court always believed that the +Marchioness only thought of Matta, and that the Chevalier was entirely +devoted to Mademoiselle de Saint Germain. + +There were very frequently little lotteries for trinkets: the Chevalier +de Grammont always tried his fortune, and was sometimes fortunate; and +under pretence of the prizes he had won, he bought a thousand things +which he indiscreetly gave to the Marchioness, and which she still more +indiscreetly accepted: the little Saint Germain very seldom received any +thing. There are meddling whisperers everywhere: remarks were made upon +these proceedings; and the same person that made them communicated them +likewise to Mademoiselle de Saint Germain. She pretended to laugh, but +in reality was piqued. It is a maxim religiously observed by the fair +sex, to envy each other those indulgences which themselves refuse. She +took this very ill of the Marchioness. On the other hand, Matta was +asked if he was not old enough to make his own presents himself to the +Marchioness de Senantes, without sending them by the Chevalier de +Grammont. This roused him; for of himself, he would never have perceived +it: his suspicions, however, were but slight, and he was willing to have +them removed. "I must confess," said he to the Chevalier de Grammont, +"that they make love here quite in a new style; a man serves here without +reward: he addresses himself to the husband when he is in love with the +wife, and makes presents to another man's mistress, to get into the good +graces of his own. The Marchioness is much obliged to you for-----" + +"It is you who are obliged," replied the Chevalier, "since thus was done +on your account: I was ashamed to find you had never yet thought of +presenting her with any trifling token of your attention: do you know +that the people of this court have such extraordinary notions, as to +think that it is rather owing to inadvertency that you never yet have had +the spirit to make your mistress the smallest present? For shame! how +ridiculous it is, that you can never think for yourself?" + +Matta took this rebuke, without making any answer, being persuaded that +he had in some measure deserved it: besides, he was neither sufficiently +jealous, nor sufficiently amorous, to think any more of it; however, as +it was necessary for the Chevalier's affairs that Matta should be +acquainted with the Marquis de Senantes, he plagued him so much about it, +that at last he complied. His friend introduced him, and his mistress +seemed pleased with this proof of complaisance, though she was resolved +that he should gain nothing by it; and the husband, being gratified with +a piece of civility which he had long expected, determined, that very +evening, to give them a supper at a little country seat of his, on the +banks of the river, very near the city. + +The Chevalier de Grammont answering for them both, accepted the offer; +and as this was the only one Matta would not have refused from the +Marquis, he likewise consented. The Marquis came to convey them in his +carriage at the hour appointed; but he found only Matta. The Chevalier +had engaged himself to play, on purpose that they might go without him: +Matta was for waiting for him, so great was his fear of being left alone +with the Marquis; but the Chevalier having sent to desire them to go on +before, and that he would be with them as soon as he had finished his +game, poor Matta was obliged to set out with the man who, of all the +world, was most offensive to him. It was not the Chevalier's intention +quickly to extricate Matta out of this embarrassment: he no sooner knew +that they were gone, than he waited on the Marchioness, under pretence of +still finding her husband, that they might all go together to supper. + +The plot was in a fair way; and as the Marchioness was of opinion that +Matta's indifference merited no better treatment from her, she made no +scruple of acting her part in it: she therefore waited for the Chevalier +de Grammont with intentions so much the more favourable, as she had for +a long time expected him, and had some curiosity to receive a visit from +him in the absence of her husband. We may therefore suppose that this +first opportunity would not have been lost, if Mademoiselle de Saint +Germain had not unexpectedly come in, almost at the same time with the +Chevalier. + +She was more handsome and more entertaining that day than she had ever +been before; however, she appeared to them very ugly and very tiresome: +she soon perceived that her company was disagreeable, and being +determined that they should not be out of humour with her for nothing, +after having passed above a long half hour in diverting herself with +their uneasiness, and in playing a thousand monkey tricks, which she +plainly saw could never be more unseasonable, she pulled off her hood, +scarf, and all that part of her dress which ladies lay aside, when in a +familiar manner they intend to pass the day anywhere. The Chevalier de +Grammont cursed her in his heart, while she continued to torment him for +being in such ill-humour in such good company: at last the Marchioness, +who was as much vexed as he was, said rather drily that she was obliged +to wait on her Royal Highness: Mademoiselle de Saint Germain told her +that she would have the honour to accompany her, if it would not be +disagreeable: she took not the smallest notice of her offer; and the +Chevalier, finding that it would be entirely useless to prolong his visit +at that time, retired with a good grace. + +As soon as he had left the house, he sent one of his scouts to desire the +Marquis to sit down to table with his company without waiting for him, +because the game might not perhaps be finished as soon as he expected, +but that he would be with him before supper was over. Having despatched +this messenger, he placed a sentinel at the Marchioness's door, in hopes +that the tedious Saint Germain might go out before her; but this was in +vain, for his spy came and told him, after an hour's impatience and +suspense, that they were gone out together. He found there was no chance +of seeing her again that day, everything falling out contrary to his +wishes; he was forced therefore to leave the Marchioness, and go in quest +of the Marquis. + +While these things were going on in the city, Matta was not much diverted +in the country: as he was prejudiced against the Marquis, all that he +said displeased him: he cursed the Chevalier heartily for the tete-a-tete +which he had procured him; and he was upon the point of going away, when +he found that he was to sit down to supper without any other company. + +However, as his host was very choice in his entertainments, and had the +best wine and the best cook in all Piedmont, the sight of the first +course appeased him; and eating most voraciously, without paying any +attention to the Marquis, he flattered himself that the supper would +end without any dispute; but he was mistaken. + +When the Chevalier de Grammont was at first endeavouring to bring +about an intercourse between the Marquis and Matta, he had given a very +advantageous character of the latter, to make the former more desirous of +his acquaintance; and in the display of a thousand other accomplishments, +knowing what an infatuation the Marquis had for the very name of +erudition, he assured him that Matta was one of the most learned men in +Europe. + +The Marquis, therefore, from the moment they sat down to supper, had +expected some stroke of learning from Matta, to bring his own into play; +but he was much out in his reckoning; no one had read less, no one +thought less, and no one had ever spoken so little at an entertainment as +he had done as he did not wish to enter into conversation, he opened his +mouth only to eat, or ask for wine. + +The other, being offended at a silence which appeared to him affected, +and wearied with having uselessly attacked him upon other subjects, +thought he might get something out of him by changing the discourse of +love and gallantry; and therefore, to begin the subject, he accosted him +in this manner: + +"Since you are my wife's gallant--" "I!" said Matta who wished to carry +it discreetly: "those who told you so, told a damned lie." "Zounds, +sir," said the Marquis, "you speak in a tone which does not at all become +you; for I would have you to know, notwithstanding your contemptuous +airs, that the Marchioness de Senantes is perhaps as worthy of your +attentions as any of your French ladies, and that I have known some +greatly your superiors, who have thought it an honour to serve her." +"Very well," said Matta, "I think she is very deserving, and since you +insist upon it, I am her servant and gallant, to oblige you." + +"You think, perhaps," continued the other, "that the same custom prevails +in this country as in your own, and that the ladies have lovers, with no +other intentions than to grant them favours: undeceive yourself if you +please, and know, likewise, that even if such events were frequent in +this court, I should not be at all uneasy." "Nothing can be more civil," +said Matta; "but wherefore would you not?" "I will tell you why," +replied he: "I am well acquainted with the affection my wife entertains +for me: I am acquainted with her discretion towards all the world; and, +what is more, I am acquainted with my own merit." + +"You have a most uncommon acquaintance then," replied Matta; +"I congratulate you upon it; I have the honour to drink it in a bumper." +The Marquis pledged him; but seeing that the conversation dropped on +their ceasing to drink, after two or three healths, he wished to make a +second attempt, and attack Matta on his strong side, that is to say, on +his learning. + +He desired him, therefore, to tell him, at what time he thought the +Allobroges came to settle in Piedmont. Matta, who wished him and his +Allobroges at the devil, said, that it must be in the time of the civil +wars. "I doubt that," said the other. "Just as you like," said Matta. +"Under what consulate?" replied the Marquis: "Under that of the League," +said Matta, "when the Guises brought the Lansquenets into France; but +what the devil does that signify?" + +The Marquis was tolerably warm, and naturally savage, so that God knows +how the conversation would have ended, if the Chevalier de Grammont had +not unexpectedly come in to appease them. It was some time before he +could find out what their debate was; for the one had forgotten the +questions, and the other the answers, which had disobliged him, in order +to reproach the Chevalier with his eternal passion for play, which made +him always uncertain. The Chevalier, who knew that he was still more +culpable than they thought, bore it all with patience, and condemned +himself more than they desired: this appeased them; and the entertainment +ended with greater tranquillity than it had begun. The conversation was +again reduced to order; but he could not enliven it as he usually did. +He was in very ill humour, and as he pressed them every minute to rise +from table, the Marquis was of opinion that he had lost a great deal. +Matta said, on the contrary, that he had won; but for want of precautions +had made perhaps an unfortunate retreat; and asked him if he had not +stood in need of Serjeant La Place, with his ambuscade. + +This piece of history was beyond the comprehension of the Marquis, and +being afraid that Matta might explain it, the Chevalier changed the +discourse, and was for rising from table; but Matta would not consent +to it. This effected a reconciliation between him and the Marquis, who +thought this was a piece of civility intended for him; however, it was +not for him, but for his wine, to which Matta had taken a prodigious +liking. + +The Duchess, who knew the character of the Marquis, was charmed with the +account which the Chevalier de Grammont gave her of the entertainment and +conversation: she sent for Matta to know the truth of it from himself: he +confessed, that before the Allobroges were mentioned the Marquis was +for quarrelling with him, because he was not in love with his wife. + +Their acquaintance having begun in this manner, all the esteem which the +Marquis had formerly expressed for the Chevalier seemed now directed +towards Matta: he went every day to pay Matta a visit, and Matta was +every day with his wife. This did not at all suit the Chevalier: he +repented of his having chid Matta, whose assiduity now interrupted all +his schemes; and the Marchioness was still more embarrassed. Whatever +wit a man may have, it will never please where his company is disliked; +and she repented that she had been formerly guilty of some trifling +advances towards him. + +Matta began to find charms in her person, and might have found the same +in her conversation, if she had been inclined to display them; but it +is impossible to be in good humour with persons who thwart our designs. +While his passion increased, the Chevalier de Grammont was solely +occupied in endeavouring to find out some method, by which he might +accomplish his intrigue; and this was the stratagem which he put in +execution to clear the coast, by removing, at one and the same time, +both the lover and the husband. + +He told Matta, that they ought to invite the Marquis to supper at their +lodgings, and he would take upon himself to provide everything proper for +the occasion. Matta desired to know if it was to play at quinze, and +assured him that he should take care to render abortive any intention he +might have to engage in play, and leave him alone with the greatest +blockhead in all Europe. The Chevalier de Grammont did not entertain any +such thought, being persuaded that it would be impossible to take +advantage of any such opportunity, in whatever manner he might take his +measures, and that they would seek for him in every corner of the city +rather than allow him the least repose: his whole attention was therefore +employed in rendering the entertainment agreeable, in finding out means +of prolonging it, in order ultimately to kindle some dispute between the +Marquis and Matta. For this purpose he put himself in the best humour in +the world, and the wine produced the same effect on the rest of the +company. + +The Chevalier de Grammont expressed his concern, that he had not been +able to give the Marquis a little concert, as he had intended in the +morning; for the musicians had been all pre-engaged. Upon this the +Marquis undertook to have them at his country-house the following +evening, and invited the same company to sup with him there. Matta asked +what the devil they wanted with music, and maintained that it was of no +use on such occasions but for women who had something to say to their +lovers, while the fiddles prevented them from being overheard, or for +fools who had nothing to say when the music ended. They ridiculed all +his arguments: the party was fixed for the next day, and the music was +voted by the majority of voices. The Marquis, to console Matta, as well +as to do honour to the entertainment, toasted a great many healths: Matta +was more ready to listen to his arguments on this topic than in a +dispute; but the Chevalier, perceiving that a little would irritate them, +desired nothing more earnestly than to see them engaged in some new +controversy. It was in vain that he had from time to time started some +subject of discourse with this intention; but having luckily thought of +asking what was his lady's maiden name, Senantes, who was a great +genealogist, as all fools are who have good memories, immediately began +by tracing out her family, by an endless confused string of lineage. The +Chevalier seemed to listen to him with great attention; and perceiving +that Matta was almost out of patience, he desired him to attend to what +the Marquis was saying, for that nothing could be more entertaining. +"All this may be very true," said Matta; "but for my part, I must +confess, if I were married, I should rather choose to inform myself who +was the real father of my children, than who were my wife's grand +fathers." The Marquis, smiling at this rudeness, did not leave off until +he had traced back the ancestors of his spouse, from line to line, as far +as Yolande de Senantes: after this he offered to prove, in less than half +an hour, that the Grammonts came originally from Spain. "Very well," +said Matta, "and pray what does it signify to us from whence the Grammonts +are descended? Do not you know, sir, that it is better to know nothing +at all, than to know too much?" + +The Marquis maintained the contrary with great warmth, and was preparing +a formal argument to prove that an ignorant man is a fool; but the +Chevalier de Grammont, who was thoroughly acquainted with Matta saw very +clearly that he would send the logician to the devil before he should +arrive at the conclusion of his syllogism: for which reason, interposing +as soon as they began to raise their voices, he told them it was +ridiculous to quarrel about an affair in itself so trivial, and treated +the matter in a serious light, that it might make the greater impression. +Thus supper terminated peaceably, owing to the care he took to suppress +all disputes, and to substitute plenty of wine in their stead. + +The next day Matta went to the chase, the Chevalier de Grammont to the +bagnio, and the Marquis to his country house. While the latter was +making the necessary preparations for his guests, not forgetting the +music, and Matta pursuing his game to get an appetite, the Chevalier was +meditating on the execution of his project. + +As soon as he had regulated his plan of operations in his own mind, he +privately sent anonymous intelligence to the officer of the guard at the +palace that the Marquis de Senantes had had some words with Monsieur de +Matta the preceding night at supper; that the one had gone out in the +morning; and the other could not be found in the city. + +Madame Royale, alarmed at this advice, immediately sent for the Chevalier +de Grammont: he appeared surprised when her highness mentioned the +affair: he confessed, indeed, that some high words had passed between +them, but that he did not believe either of them would have remembered +them the next day. He said that if no mischief had yet taken place, the +best way would be to secure them both until the morning, and that if they +could be found, he would undertake to reconcile them, and to obliterate +all grievances: in this there was no great difficulty. On inquiry at the +Marquis's they were informed that he was gone to his country-house: there +certainly he was, and there they found him; the officer put him under an +arrest, without assigning any reason for so doing, and left him in very +great surprise. + +Immediately upon Matta's return from hunting, her Royal Highness sent the +same officer to desire him to give her his word that he would not stir +out that evening. This compliment very much surprised him, more +particularly as no reason was assigned for it. He was expected at a good +entertainment he was dying with hunger, and nothing appeared to him more +unreasonable than to oblige him to stay at home, in a situation like the +present; but he had given his word, and not knowing to what this might +tend, his only resource was to send for his friend; but his friend did +not come to him until his return from the country. He had there found +the Marquis in the midst of his fiddlers, and very much vexed to find +himself a prisoner in his own house on account of Matta, whom he was +waiting for in order to feast him: he complained of him bitterly to the +Chevalier de Grammont: he said that he did not believe that he had +offended him; but that, since he was very desirous of a quarrel, he +desired the Chevalier to acquaint him, if he felt the least displeasure +on the present occasion, he should, on the very first opportunity, +receive what is called satisfaction. The Chevalier de Grammont assured +him that no such thought had ever entered the mind of Matta; that on the +contrary, he knew that he very greatly esteemed him; that all this could +alone arise from the extreme tenderness of his lady, who, being alarmed +upon the report of the servants who waited at table, must have gone to +her Royal Highness, in order to prevent any unpleasant consequences; that +he thought this the more probable, as he had often told the Marchioness, +when speaking of Matta, that he was the best swordsman in France; for, in +truth, the poor gentleman had never fought without having the misfortune +of killing his man. + +The Marquis, being a little pacified, said he was very much obliged to +him, that he would severely chide his wife for her unseasonable +tenderness, and that he was extremely desirous of again enjoying the +pleasure of his dear friend Matta's company. + +The Chevalier de Grammont assured him that he would use all his +endeavours for that purpose, and at the same time gave strict charge to +his guard not to let him escape without orders from the Court, as he +seemed fully bent upon fighting, and they would be responsible for him: +there was no occasion to say more to have him strictly watched, though +there was no necessity for it. + +One being thus safely lodged, his next step was to secure the other: he +returned immediately to town: and as soon as Matta saw him, "What the +devil," said he, "is the meaning of this farce which I am obliged to act? +for my part, I cannot understand the foolish customs of this country; how +comes it that they make me a prisoner upon my parole?" "How comes it?" +said the Chevalier de Grammont, "it is because you yourself are far more +unaccountable than all their customs; you cannot help disputing with a +peevish fellow, whom you ought only to laugh at; some officious footman +has no doubt been talking of your last night's dispute; you were seen to +go out of town in the morning, and the Marquis soon after; was not this +sufficient to make her Royal Highness think herself obliged to take these +precautions? The Marquis is in custody; they have only required your +parole; so far, therefore, from taking the affair in the sense you do, I +should send very humbly to thank her Highness for the kindness she has +manifested towards you in putting you under arrest, since it is only on +your account that she interests herself in the affair. I shall take a +walk to the palace, where I will endeavour to unravel this mystery; in +the mean time, as there is but little probability that the matter should +be settled this evening, you would do well to order supper; for I shall +come back to you immediately." + +Matta charged him not to fail to express to her Royal Highness the +grateful sense he had of her favour, though in truth he as little feared +the Marquis as he loved him; and it is impossible to express the degree +of his fortitude in stronger terms. + +The Chevalier de Grammont returned in about half an hour, with two or +three gentlemen whom Matta had got acquainted with at the chase, and who, +upon the report of the quarrel, waited upon him, and each offered him +separately his services against the unassisted and pacific Marquis. +Matta having returned them his thanks, insisted upon their staying +supper, and put on his robe de chambre. + +As soon as the Chevalier de Grammont perceived that every thing coincided +with his wishes, and that towards the end of the entertainment the toasts +went merrily round, he knew he was sure of his man till next day: then +taking him aside with the permission of the company, and making use of a +false confidence in order to disguise a real treachery, he acquainted +him, after having sworn him several times to secrecy, that he had at last +prevailed upon the little Saint Germain to grant him an interview that +night; for which reason he would take his leave, under pretence of going +to play at Court; he therefore desired him fully to satisfy the company +that he would not have left them on any other account, as the Piedmontese +are naturally mistrustful. Matta promised he would manage this point +with discretion; that he would make an apology for him, and that there +was no occasion for his personally taking leave: then, after +congratulating him upon the happy posture of his affairs, he sent him +away with all the expedition and secrecy imaginable; so great was his +fear lest his friend should lose the present opportunity. + +Matta then returned to the company, much pleased with the confidence +which had been placed in him, and with the share he had in the success of +this adventure. He put himself into the best humour imaginable in order +to divert the attention of his guests; he severely satirised those, +whose rage for gaming induced them to sacrifice to it every other +consideration; he loudly ridiculed the folly of the Chevalier upon this +article, and secretly laughed at the credulity of the Piedmontese, whom +he had deceived with so much ingenuity. + +It was late at night before the company broke up, and Matta went to bed, +very well satisfied with what he had done for his friend; and, if we may +credit appearances, this friend enjoyed the fruit of his perfidy. The +amorous Marchioness received him like one who wished to enhance the value +of the favour she bestowed; her charms were far from being neglected; and +if there are any circumstances in which we may detest the traitor while +we profit by the treason, this was not one of them; and however +successful the Chevalier de Grammont was in his intrigues, it was not +owing to him that the contrary was not believed; but, be that as it may, +being convinced that in love whatever is gained by address is gained +fairly, it does not appear that he ever showed the smallest degree of +repentance for this trick. But it is now time for its to take him from +the court of Savoy, to see him shine in that of France. + + + + + CHAPTER FIFTH. + + HE RETURNS TO THE COURT OF FRANCE--HIS ADVENTURES AT + THE SIEGE OF ARRAS--HIS REPLY TO CARDINAL MAZARIN + --HE IS BANISHED THE COURT. + + +The Chevalier de Grammont, upon his return to France, sustained, with the +greatest success, the reputation he had acquired abroad: alert in play, +active and vigilant in love; sometimes successful, and always feared, in +his intrigues; in war alike prepared for the events of good or ill +fortune; possessing an inexhaustible fund of pleasantry in the former, +and full of expedients and dexterity in the latter. + +Zealously attached to the Prince de Conde from inclination, he was a +witness, and, if we may be allowed to say it, his companion, in the glory +he had acquired at the celebrated battles of Lens, Norlinguen, and +Fribourg; and the details he so frequently gave of them were far from +diminishing their lustre. + + [Louis of Bourbon, Duke d'Enghien, afterwards, by the death of his + father in 1656, Prince de Conde. Of this great man Cardinal de Retz + says, "He was born a general, which never happened but to Caesar, to + Spinola, and to himself. He has equalled the first: he has + surpassed the second. Intrepidity is one of the least shining + strokes in his character. Nature had formed him with a mind as + great as his courage. Fortune, in setting him out in a time of + wars, has given this last a full extent to work in: his birth, or + rather his education, in a family devoted and enslaved to the court, + has kept the first within too straight bounds. He was not taught + time enough the great and general maxims which alone are able to + form men to think always consistently. He never had time to learn + them of himself, because he was prevented from his youth, by the + great affairs that fell unexpectedly to his share, and by the + continual success he met with. This defect in him was the cause, + that with the soul in the world the least inclined to evil, he has + committed injuries; that with the heart of an Alexander, he has, + like him, had his failings; that with a wonderful understanding, he + has acted imprudently; that having all the qualities which the Duke + Francis of Guise had, he has not served the state in some occasions + so well as he ought; and that having likewise having all the + qualities of the Duke Henry of Guise, he has not carried faction so + far as he might. He could not come up to the height of his merit; + which, though it be a defect, must yet be owned to be very uncommon, + and only to be found in persons of the greatest abilities."] + +So long as he had only some scruples of conscience, and a thousand +interests to sacrifice, he quitted all to follow a man, whom strong +motives and resentments, which in some manner appeared excusable, had +withdrawn from the paths of rectitude: he adhered to him in his first +disgrace, with a constancy of which there are few examples; but he could +not submit to the injuries which he afterwards received, and which such +an inviolable attachment so little merited. Therefore, without fearing +any reproach for a conduct which sufficiently justified itself, as he had +formerly deviated from his duty by entering into the service of the +Prince de Conde, he thought he had a right to leave him to return again +to his duty. + +His peace was soon made at Court, where many, far more culpable than +himself, were immediately received into favour, when they desired it; for +the queen, still terrified at the dangers into which the civil wars had +plunged the State at the commencement of her regency, endeavoured by +lenient measures to conciliate the minds of the people. + + [Anne of Austria, daughter of Philip III. of Spain, widow of Louis + XIII., to whom she was married in 1615, and mother of Louis XIV. + She died in 1666. Cardinal de Retz speaks of her in the following + terms. "The queen had more than anybody whom I ever knew, of that + sort of wit which was necessary for her not to appear a fool to + those that did not know her. She had in her more of harshness than + haughtiness; more of haughtiness than of greatness; more of outward + appearance than reality; more regard to money than liberality; more + of liberality than of self-interest; more of self-interest than + disinterestedness: she was more tied to persons by habit than by + affection; she had more of insensibility than of cruelty; she had a + better memory for injuries than for benefits; her intention towards + piety was greater than her piety; she had in her more of obstinacy + than of firmness; and more incapacity than of all the rest which I + mentioned before." Memoirs, vol. i., p. 247.] + +The policy of the minister was neither sanguinary nor revengeful: his +favourite maxim was rather to appease the minds of the discontented by +lenity, than to have recourse to violent measures; to be content with +losing nothing by the war, without being at the expense of gaining any +advantage from the enemy; to suffer his character to be very severely +handled, provided he could amass much wealth, and to spin out the +minority to the greatest possible extent. + + [Cardinal Mazarin, who, during a few of the latter years of his + life, governed France. He died at Vincennes the 9th of March 1661, + aged 59 years, leaving as heir to his name and property the Alarquis + de la Meilleray, who married his niece, and took the title of Duke + of Mazarin. On his death, Louis XIV. and the court appeared in + mourning, an honour not common, though Henry IV. had shewn it to the + memory of Gabrielle d'Estrees. Voltaire, who appears unwilling to + ascribe much ability to the cardinal, takes an opportunity, on + occasion of his death, to make the following observation. + --"We cannot refrain from combating the opinion, which supposes + prodigious abilities, and a genius almost divine, in those who have + governed empires with some degree of success. It is not a superior + penetration that makes statesmen; it is their character. All men, + how inconsiderable soever their share of sense may be, see their own + interest nearly alike. A citizen of Bern or Amsterdam, in this + respect, is equal to Sejanus, Ximenes, Buckingham, Richelieu, or + Mazarin; but our conduct and our enterprises depend absolutely on + our natural dispositions, and our success depends upon fortune." + Age of Louis XIV., chap. 5.] + +His avidity to heap up riches was not alone confined to the thousand +different means, with which he was furnished by his authority, and the +situation in which he was placed: his whole pursuit was gain: he was +naturally fond of gaming; but he only played to enrich himself, and +therefore, whenever he found an opportunity, he cheated. + +As he found the Chevalier de Grammont possessed a great deal of wit, and +a great deal of money, he was a man according to his wishes, and soon +became one of his set. The Chevalier soon perceived the artfulness and +dishonesty of the Cardinal, and thought it was allowable in him to put in +practice those talents which he had received from nature, not only in his +own defence, but even to attack him whenever an opportunity offered. +This would certainly be the place to mention these particulars; but who +can describe them with such ease and elegance as maybe expected by those +who have heard his own relation of them? Vain is the attempt to +endeavour to transcribe these entertaining anecdotes: their spirit seems +to evaporate upon paper; and in whatever light they are exposed the +delicacy of their colouring and their beauty is lost. + +It is, then, enough to say, that upon all occasions where address was +reciprocally employed, the Chevalier gained the advantage; and that if +he paid his court badly to the minister, he had the consolation to find, +that those who suffered themselves to be cheated, in the end gained no +great advantage from their complaisance; for they always continued in +an abject submission, while the Chevalier de Grammont, on a thousand +different occasions, never put himself under the least restraint. Of +which the following is one instance: + +The Spanish army, commanded by the Prince de Conde and the archduke, +--[Leopold, brother of the Emperor Ferdinand the III.]--besieged Arras. +The Court was advanced as far as Peronne.--[A little bat strong town, +standing among marshes on the river Somme, in Picardy.]--The enemy, by +the capture of this place, would have procured a reputation for their +army of which they were in great need; as the French, for a considerable +time past, had evinced a superiority in every engagement. + +The Prince supported a tottering party, as far as their usual inactivity +and irresolution permitted him; but as in the events of war it is +necessary to act independently on some occasions, which, if once suffered +to escape, can never be retrieved; for want of this power it frequently +happened that his great abilities were of no avail. The Spanish infantry +had never recovered itself since the battle of Rocroy;--[This famous +battle was fought and won 19th May, 1643, five days after the death of +Louis XIII.]--and he who had ruined them by that victory, by fighting +against them, was the only man who now, by commanding their army, was +capable of repairing the mischief he had done them. But the jealousy +of the generals, and the distrust attendant upon their counsels, tied up +his hands. + +Nevertheless, the siege of Arras was vigorously carried on. + + [Voltaire observes, that it was the fortune of Turenne and Conde + to be always victorious when they fought at the head of the French, + and to be vanquished when they commanded the Spaniards. This was + Conde's fate before Arras, August 25, 1654, when he and the archduke + besieged that city. Turenne attacked them in their camp, and forced + their lines: the troops of the archduke were cut to pieces; and + Conde, with two regiments of French and Lorrainers, alone sustained + the efforts of Turenne's army; and, while the archduke was flying, + he defeated the Marshal de Hoquincourt, repulsed the Marshal de la + Ferte, and retreated victoriously himself, by covering the retreat + of the vanquished Spaniards. The king of Spain, in his letter to + him after this engagement, had these words: "I have been informed + that everything was lost, and that you have recovered everything."] + +The Cardinal was very sensible how dishonourable it would be to suffer +this place to be taken under his nose, and almost in sight of the king. +On the other hand, it was very hazardous to attempt its relief, the +Prince de Conde being a man who never neglected the smallest precaution +for the security of his lines; and if lines are attacked and not forced, +the greatest danger threatens the assailants. For, the more furious the +assault, the greater is the disorder in the retreat; and no man in the +world knew so well as the Prince de Conde how to make the best use of an +advantage. The army, commanded by Monsieur de Turenne, was considerably +weaker than that of the enemy; it was, likewise, the only resource they +had to depend upon. If this army was defeated, the loss of Arras was not +the only misfortune to be dreaded. + +The Cardinal, whose genius was happily adapted to such junctures, where +deceitful negotiations could extricate him out of difficulties, was +filled with terror at the sight of imminent danger, or of a decisive +event: he was of opinion to lay siege to some other place, the capture of +which might prove an indemnification for the loss of Arras; but Monsieur +de Turenne, who was altogether of a different opinion from the Cardinal, +resolved to march towards the enemy, and did not acquaint him with his +intentions until he was upon his march. The courier arrived in the midst +of his distress, and redoubled his apprehensions and alarms; but there +was then no remedy. + +The Marshal, whose great reputation had gained him the confidence of the +troops, had determined upon his measures before an express order from the +Court could prevent him. This was one of those occasions in which the +difficulties you encounter heighten the glory of success. Though the +general's capacity, in some measure, afforded comfort to the Court, they +nevertheless were upon the eve of an event, which in one way or other +must terminate both their hopes and their fears while the rest of the +courtiers were giving various opinions concerning the issue, the +Chevalier de Grammont determined to be an eye-witness of it; a resolution +which greatly surprised the court; for those who had seen as many actions +as he had, seemed to be exempted from such eagerness; but it was in vain +that his friends opposed his resolutions. + +The king was pleased with his intention; and the queen appeared no less +satisfied. He assured her that he would bring her good news; and she +promised to embrace him, if he was as good as his word. The Cardinal +made the same promise: to the latter, however, he did not pay much +attention; yet he believed it sincere, because the keeping of it would +cost him nothing. + +He set out in the dusk of the evening with Caseau, whom Monsieur de +Turenne had sent express to their majesties. The Duke of York, and the +Marquis d'Humieres, commanded under the Marshal: the latter was upon duty +when the Chevalier arrived, it being scarce daylight. The Duke of York +did not at first recollect him; but the Marquis d'Humieres, running to +him with open arms, "I thought," said he, "if any man came from court to +pay us a visit upon such an occasion as this, it would be the Chevalier +de Grammont. Well," continued he, "what are they doing at Peronne?" + + [Louis de Crevans, Marechal of France. He died 1694. Voltaire says + of him, that he was the first who, at the siege of Arras, in 1658, + was served in silver in the trenches, and had ragouts and entremets + served up to his table.] + +"They are in great consternation," replied the Chevalier. "And what do +they think of us?" "They think," said he, "that if you beat the Prince, +you will do no more than your duty; if you are beaten, they will think +you fools and madmen, thus to have risked everything, without considering +the consequences." "Truly," said the Marquis, "you bring us very +comfortable news. Will you now go to Monsieur de Turenne's quarters, +to acquaint him with it; or will you choose rather to repose yourself in +mine? for you have been riding post all last night, and perhaps did not +experience much rest in the preceding." "Where have you heard that the +Chevalier de Grammont had ever any occasion for sleep?" replied he: +"Only order me a horse, that I may have the honour to attend the Duke of +York; for, most likely, he is not in the field so early, except to visit +some posts." + +The advanced guard was only at cannon shot from that of the enemy. As +soon as they arrived there, "I should like," said the Chevalier de +Grammont, "to advance as far as the sentry which is posted on that +eminence: I have some friends and acquaintance in their army, whom I +should wish to inquire after: I hope the Duke of York will give me +permission." At these words he advanced. The sentry, seeing him come +forward directly to his post, stood upon his guard the Chevalier stopped +as soon as he was within shot of him. The sentry answered the sign which +was made to him, and made another to the officer, who had begun to +advance as soon as he had seen the Chevalier come forward, and was soon +up with him; but seeing the Chevalier de Grammont alone, he made no +difficulty to let him approach. He desired leave of this officer to +inquire after some relations he had in their army, and at the same time +asked if the Duke d'Arscot was at the siege. "Sir," said he, "there he +is, just alighted under those trees, which you see on the left of our +grand guard: it is hardly a minute since he was here with the Prince +d'Aremberg, his brother, the Baron de Limbec, and Louvigny." "May I see +them upon parole?" said the Chevalier. "Sir," said he, "if I were +allowed to quit my post, I would do myself the honour of accompanying you +thither; but I will send to acquaint them, that the Chevalier de Grammont +desires to speak to them:" and, after having despatched one of his guard +towards them, he returned. "Sir," said the Chevalier de Grammont, "may I +take the liberty to inquire how I came to be known to you?" "Is it +possible," said the other, "that the Chevalier de Grammont should forget +La Motte, who had the honour to serve so long in his regiment?" "What! +is it you, my good friend, La Motte? Truly, I was to blame for not +remembering you, though you are in a dress very different from that which +I first saw you in at Bruxelles, when you taught the Duchess of Guise to +dance the triolets: and I am afraid your affairs are not in so +flourishing a condition as they were the campaign after I had given you +the company you mention." They were talking in this manner, when the +Duke d'Arscot, followed by the gentlemen above mentioned, came up on +full gallop. The Chevalier de Grammont was saluted by the whole company +before he could say a word. Soon after arrived an immense number of +others of his acquaintance, with many people, out of curiosity, on both +sides, who, seeing him upon the eminence, assembled together with the +greatest eagerness; so that the two armies, without design, without +truce, and without fraud, were going to join in conversation, if, by +chance, Monsieur de Turenne had not perceived it at a distance. The +sight surprised him: he hastened that way; and the Marquis d'Humieres +acquainted him with the arrival of the Chevalier de Grammont, who wished +to speak to the sentry before he went to the headquarters: he added, that +he could not comprehend how the devil he had managed to assemble both +armies around him, for it was hardly a minute since he had left him. +"Truly," said Monsieur de Turenne, "he is a very extraordinary man; but +it is only reasonable that he should let us now have a little of his +company, since he has paid his first visit to the enemy." At these words +he despatched an aide-de-camp, to recal the officers of his army, and to +acquaint the Chevalier de Grammont with his impatience to see him. + +This order arrived at the same time, with one of the same nature, to the +enemy's officers. The Prince de Conde, being informed of this peaceable +interview, was not the least surprised at it, when he heard that it was +occasioned by the arrival of the Chevalier de Grammont. He only gave +Lussan orders to recal the officers, and to desire the Chevalier to meet +him at the same place the next day; which the Chevalier promised to do, +provided Monsieur de Turenne should approve of it, as he made no doubt he +would. + +His reception in the king's army was equally agreeable as that which he +had experienced from the enemy. Monsieur de Turenne esteemed him no less +for his frankness than for the poignancy of his wit: he took it very +kindly that he was the only courtier who came to see him in a time so +critical as the present: the questions which he asked him about the court +were not so much for information, as to divert himself with his manner of +relating their different apprehensions and alarms. The Chevalier de +Grammont advised him to beat the enemy, if he did not choose to be +answerable for an enterprise which he had undertaken without consulting +the Cardinal. Monsieur de Turenne promised him he would exert himself to +the utmost to follow his advice, and assured him, that if he succeeded, +he would make the queen keep her word with him; and concluded with +saying, that he was not sorry the Prince de Conde had expressed a desire +to see him. His measures were taken for an attack upon the lines: on +this subject he discoursed in private with the Chevalier de Grammont, and +concealed nothing from him except the time of execution: but this was all +to no purpose; for the Chevalier had seen too much, not to judge, from +his own knowledge, and the observations he had made, that from the +situation of the army, the attack could be no longer deferred. + +He set out the next day for his rendezvous, attended by a trumpet, and +found the Prince at the place which Monsieur de Lussan had described to +him the evening before. As soon as he alighted: "Is it possible," said +the Prince, embracing him, "that this can be the Chevalier de Grammont, +and that I should see him in the contrary party?" "It is you, my lord, +whom I see there," replied the Chevalier, "and I refer it to yourself, +whether it was the fault of the Chevalier de Grammont, or your own, that +we now embrace different interests." "I must confess," said the Prince, +"that if there are some who have abandoned me like base ungrateful +wretches, you have left me, as I left myself, like a man of honour, who +thinks himself in the right: but let us forget all cause of resentment, +and tell me what was your motive for coming here, you, whom I thought at +Peronne with the court." "Must I tell you?" said he: "why, faith then, +I came to save your life. I know that you cannot help being in the midst +of the enemy in a day of battle; it is only necessary for your horse to +be shot under you, and to be taken in arms, to meet with the same +treatment from this Cardinal, as your uncle Montmorency did from the +other. + + [Henry, Duke of Montmorency, who was taken prisoner first September, + 1692, and had his head struck off at Toulouse in the month of + November following.] + +"I come, therefore, to hold a horse in readiness for you, in case of a +similar misfortune, that you may not lose your head." "It is not the +first time," said the Prince, smiling, "that you have rendered me this +service, though the being taken prisoner at that time could not have been +so dangerous to me as now." + +From this conversation, they passed to more entertaining subjects. The +Prince asked him many questions concerning the court, the ladies, play, +and about his amours; and returning insensibly to the present situation +of affairs, the Chevalier having inquired after some officers of his +acquaintance, who had remained with him, the Prince told him that if he +chose, he might go to the lines, where he would have an opportunity not +only of seeing those whom he inquired after, but likewise the disposition +of the quarters and entrenchments. To this he consented, and the Prince +having shown him all the works and attended him back to their rendezvous, +"Well, Chevalier," said he, "when do you think we shall see you again?" +"Faith," replied he, "you have used me so handsomely, that I shall +conceal nothing from you. Hold yourself in readiness an hour before +daybreak; for, you may depend upon it, we shall attack you to-morrow +morning. I would not have acquainted you with this, perhaps, had I been +entrusted with the secret, but, nevertheless, in the present case you may +believe me." "You are still the same man," said the Prince, again +embracing him. The Chevalier returned to Monsieur de Turenne's camp +towards night; every preparation was then making for the attack of the +lines, and it was no longer a secret among the troops. + +"Well, Monsieur le Chevalier, were they all very glad to see you?" said +Monsieur de Turenne; "the Prince, no doubt, received you with the +greatest kindness, and asked a great number of questions?" "He has shown +me all the civility imaginable," replied the Chevalier; "and, to convince +me he did not take me for a spy, he led me round the lines and +entrenchments, and showed me the preparations he had made for your +reception." "And what is his opinion?" said the Marshal. "He is +persuaded that you will attack him to-night, or to-morrow by daybreak; +for you great captains," continued the Chevalier, "see through each +other's designs in a wonderful manner." + +Monsieur de Turenne, with pleasure, received this commendation from +a man who was not indiscriminately accustomed to bestow praise. He +communicated to him the disposition of the attack; and at the same time +acquainted him, that he was very happy that a man who had seen so many +actions was to be present at this; and that he esteemed it no small +advantage to have the benefit of his advice, but as he believed that the +remaining part of the night would be hardly sufficient for his repose, +after having passed the former without any refreshment, he consigned him +to the Marquis d'Humieres, who provided him with a supper and a lodging. + +The next day the lines of Arras were attacked, wherein Monsieur de +Turenne, being victorious, added additional lustre to his former glory; +and the Prince de Conde, though vanquished, lost nothing of his former +reputation. + +There are so many accounts of this celebrated battle, that to mention it +here would be altogether superfluous. The Chevalier de Grammont, who, +as a volunteer, was permitted to go into every part, has given a better +description of it than any other person. Monsieur de Turenne reaped +great advantage from that activity which never forsook the Chevalier +either in peace or war; and that presence of mind which enabled him to +carry orders, as coming from the general, so very apropos, that Monsieur +de Turenne, otherwise very particular in such matters, thanked him, when +the battle was over, in the presence of all his officers, and despatched +him to court with the first news of his success. + +All that is generally necessary in these expeditions, is to be accustomed +to hard riding, and to be well provided with fresh horses, but he had a +great many other obstacles to surmount. In the first place, the parties +of the enemy were dispersed over all the country, and obstructed his +passage. Then he had to prepare against greedy and officious courtiers, +who, on such occasions, post themselves in all the avenues, in order to +cheat the poor courier out of his news. However, his address preserved +him from the one, and deceived the others. + +He had taken eight or ten troopers, commanded by an officer of his +acquaintance, to escort him half way to Bapaume, being persuaded that the +greatest danger would lie between the camp and the first stage. He had +not proceeded a league before he was convinced of the truth of what he +suspected, and turning to the officer who followed him closely, "If you +are not well mounted," said he, "I would advise you to return to the +camp; for my part, I shall set spurs to my horse, and make the best of +my way." "Sir," said the officer, "I hope I shall be able to keep you +company, at whatever rate you go, until you are out of all danger." +"I doubt that," replied the Chevalier, "for those gentlemen there seem +prepared to pay us a visit." "Don't you see," said the officer, "they +are some of our own people who are grazing their horses?" "No," said the +Chevalier; "but I see very well that they are some of the enemy's +troopers." Upon which, observing to him that they were mounting, he +ordered the horsemen that escorted him to prepare themselves to make a +diversion, and he himself set off full speed towards Bapaume. + +He was mounted upon a very swift English horse; but having entangled +himself in a hollow way where the ground was deep and miry, he soon had +the troopers at his heels, who, supposing him to be some officer of rank, +would not be deceived, but continued to pursue him without paying any +attention to the others. The best mounted of the party began to draw +near him; for the English horses, swift as the wind on even ground, +proceeded but very indifferently in bad roads; the trooper presented his +carbine, and cried out to him, at some distance, "Good quarter." The +Chevalier de Grammont, who perceived that they gained upon him, and that +whatever efforts his horse made in such heavy ground, he must be +overtaken at last, immediately quitted the road to Bapaume, and took a +causeway to the left, which led quite a different way; as soon as he had +gained it, he drew up, as if to hear the proposal of the trooper, which +afforded his horse an opportunity of recovering himself; while his enemy, +mistaking his intention, and thinking that he only waited to surrender, +immediately exerted every effort, that he might take him before the rest +of his companions, who were following, could arrive, and by this means +almost killed his horse. + +One minute's reflection made the Chevalier consider what a disagreeable +adventure it would be, thus coming from so glorious a victory, and the +dangers of a battle so warmly disputed, to be taken by a set of +scoundrels who had not been in it, and, instead of being received in +triumph, and embraced by a great queen, for the important news with +which he was charged, to see himself stripped by the vanquished. + +During this short meditation, the trooper who followed him was arrived +within shot, and still presenting his carbine, offered him good quarter, +but the Chevalier de Grammont, to whom this offer, and the manner in +which it was made, were equally displeasing, made a sign to him to lower +his piece; and perceiving his horse to be in wind, he lowered his hand, +rode off like lightning, and left the trooper in such astonishment that +he even forgot to fire at him. + +As soon as he arrived at Bapaume, he changed horses; the commander of +this place showed him the greatest respect, assuring him that no person +had yet passed; that he would keep the secret, and that he would retain +all that followed him, except the couriers of Monsieur de Turenne. + +He now had only to guard against those who would be watching for him +about the environs of Peronne, to return as soon as they saw him, and +carry his news to court, without being acquainted with any of the +particulars. He knew very well that Marshal du Plessis, Marshal de +Villeroy, and Gaboury, had boasted of this to the Cardinal before his +departure. Wherefore, to elude this snare, he hired two well-mounted +horsemen at Bapaume, and as soon as he had got a league from that place, +and after giving them each two louis d'ors, to secure their fidelity, +he ordered them to ride on before, to appear very much terrified, and to +tell all those who should ask them any questions, "that all was lost, +that the Chevalier de Grammont had stopped at Bapaume, having no great +inclination to be the messenger of ill news; and that as for themselves, +they had been pursued by the enemy's troopers, who were spread over the +whole country since the defeat." + +Everything succeeded to his wish: the horsemen were intercepted by +Gaboury, whose eagerness had outstripped the two marshals'; but whatever +questions were asked them, they acted their parts so well, that Peronne +was already in consternation, and rumours of the defeat were whispered +among the courtiers, when the Chevalier de Grammont arrived. + +Nothing so enhances the value of good news, as when a false alarm of +bad has preceded; yet, though the Chevalier's was accompanied with this +advantage, none but their Majesties received it with that transport of +joy it deserved. + +The queen kept her promise to him in the most fascinating manner: she +embraced him before the whole court; the king appeared no less delighted; +but the Cardinal, whether with the view of lessening the merit of an +action which deserved a handsome reward, or whether it was from a return +of that insolence which always accompanied him in prosperity, appeared at +first not to pay any attention to what he said, and being afterwards +informed that the lines had been forced, that the Spanish army was +beaten, and that Arras was relieved, "Is the Prince de Conde taken?" +said he. "No," replied the Chevalier de Grammont. "He is dead then, I +suppose?" said the Cardinal. "Not so, neither," answered the Chevalier. +"Fine news indeed!" said the Cardinal, with an air of contempt; and at +these words he went into the queen's cabinet with their majesties. And +happy it was for the Chevalier that he did so, for without doubt he would +have given him some severe reply, in resentment for those two fine +questions, and the conclusion he had drawn from them. + +The court was filled with the Cardinal's spies: the Chevalier, as is +usual on such an occasion, was surrounded by a crowd of courtiers and +inquisitive people, and he was very glad to ease himself of some part +of the load which laid heavy on his heart, within the hearing of the +Cardinal's creatures, and which he would perhaps have told him to his +face. "Faith, gentlemen," said he, with a sneer, "there is nothing like +being zealous and eager in the service of kings and great princes: you +have seen what a gracious reception his Majesty has given me; you are +likewise witnesses in what an obliging manner the queen kept her promise +with me; but as for the Cardinal, he has received my news as if he gained +no more by it than he did by the death of Peter Mazarin." + + [Peter Mazarin was father to the Cardinal. He was a native of + Palermo in Sicily, which place he left in order to settle at Rome, + where he died in the year 1654.] + +This was sufficient to terrify all those who were sincerely attached to +him; and the best established fortune would have been ruined at some +period by a jest much less severe: for it was delivered in the presence +of witnesses, who were only desirous of having an opportunity of +representing it in its utmost malignancy, to make a merit of their +vigilance with a powerful and absolute minister. Of this the Chevalier +de Grammont was thoroughly convinced; yet whatever detriment he foresaw +might arise from it, he could not help being much pleased with what he +had said. + +The spies very faithfully discharged their duty: however, the affair took +a very different turn from what they expected. The next day, when the +Chevalier de Grammont was present while their Majesties were at dinner, +the Cardinal came in, and coming up to him, everybody making way for him +out of respect: "Chevalier," said he, "the news which you have brought +is very good, their Majesties are very well satisfied with it; and to +convince you it is more advantageous to me than the death of Peter +Mazarin, if you will come and dine with me we will have some play +together; for the queen will give us something to play for, over and +above her first promise." + +In this manner did the Chevalier de Grammont dare to provoke a powerful +minister, and this was all the resentment which the least vindictive of +all statesmen expressed on the occasion. It was indeed very unusual for +so young a man to reverence the authority of ministers no farther, than +as they were themselves respectable by their merit; for this, his own +breast, as well as the whole court, applauded him, and he enjoyed the +satisfaction of being the only man who durst preserve the least shadow of +liberty, in a general state of servitude; but it was perhaps owing to the +Cardinal's passing over this insult with impunity, that he afterwards +drew upon himself some difficulties, by other rash expressions less +fortunate in the event. + +In the mean time the court returned: the Cardinal, who was sensible that +he could no longer keep his master in a state of tutelage, being himself +worn out with cares and sickness, and having amassed treasures he knew +not what to do with, and being sufficiently loaded with the weight of +public odium, he turned all his thoughts towards terminating, in a manner +the most advantageous for France, a ministry which had so cruelly shaken +that kingdom. Thus, while he was earnestly laying the foundations of a +peace so ardently wished for, pleasure and plenty began to reign at +court. + +The Chevalier de Grammont experienced for a long time a variety of +fortune in love and gaming: he was esteemed by the courtiers, beloved by +beauties whom he neglected, and a dangerous favourite of those whom he +admired; more successful in play than in his amours; but the one +indemnifying him for want of success in the other, he was always full of +life and spirits; and in all transactions of importance, always a man of +honour. + +It is a pity that we must be forced here to interrupt the course of his +history, by an interval of some years, as has been already done at the +commencement of these memoirs. In a life where the most minute +circumstances are always singular and diverting, we can meet with no +chasm which does not afford regret; but whether he did not think them +worthy of holding a place among his other adventures, or that he has only +preserved a confused idea of them, we must pass to the parts of these +fragments which are better ascertained, that we may arrive at the subject +of his journey to England. + +The peace of the Pyrenees, the king's marriage,--the return of the +Prince de Conde, and the death of the Cardinal, gave a new face to the +state. + + [Louis XIV. married Maria Theresa of Austria. She was born 20th + September, 1638, married 1st June, 1660, and entered Paris 26th + August following. She died at Versailles 30th July, 1683, and was + buried at St. Denis.] + +The eyes of the whole nation were fixed upon their king, who, for +nobleness of mien, and gracefulness of person, had no equal; but it was +not then known that he was possessed of those superior abilities, which, +filling his subjects with admiration, in the end made him so formidable +to Europe. Love and ambition, the invisible springs of the intrigues and +cabals of all courts, attentively observed his first steps: pleasure +promised herself an absolute empire over a prince who had been kept in +ignorance of the necessary rules of government, and ambition had no hopes +of reigning in the court except in the minds of those who were able to +dispute the management of affairs; when men were surprised to see the +king on a sudden display such brilliant abilities, which prudence, in +some measure necessary, had so long obliged him to conceal. + +An application, inimical to the pleasures which generally attract that +age, and which unlimited power very seldom refuses, attached him solely +to the cares of government: all admired this wonderful change, but all +did not find their account in it: the great lost their consequence before +an absolute master, and the courtiers approached with reverential awe the +sole object of their respects and the sole master of their fortunes: +those who had conducted themselves like petty tyrants in their provinces, +and on the frontiers, were now no more than governors: favours, according +to the king's pleasure, were sometimes conferred on merit, and sometimes +for services done the state; but to importune, or to menace the court, +was no longer the method to obtain them. + +The Chevalier de Grammont regarded his master's attention to the affairs +of state as a prodigy: he could not conceive how he could submit at his +age to the rules he prescribed himself, or that he should give up so many +hours of pleasure, to devote them to the tiresome duties, and laborious +functions of government; but he blessed the Lord that henceforward no +more homage was to be paid, no more court to be made, but to him alone, +to whom they were justly due. Disdaining as he did the servile adoration +usually paid to a minister, he could never crouch before the power of the +two Cardinals who succeeded each other: he neither worshipped the +arbitrary power of the one, nor gave his approbation to the artifices of +the other; he had never received anything from Cardinal Richelieu but an +abbey, which, on account of his rank, could not be refused him; and he +never acquired anything from Mazarin but what he won of him at play. + +By many years' experience under an able general he had acquired a talent +for war; but this during a general peace was of no further service to +him. He therefore thought that, in the midst of a court flourishing in +beauties and abounding in wealth, he could not employ himself better than +in endeavouring to gain the good opinion of his master, in making the +best use of those advantages which nature had given him for play, and in +putting in practice new stratagems in love. + +He succeeded very well in the two first of these projects, and as he had +from that time laid it down as the rule of his conduct to attach himself +solely to the king in all his views of preferment, to have no regard for +favour unless when it was supported by merit, to make himself beloved by +the courtiers and feared by the minister, to dare to undertake anything +in order to do good, and to engage in nothing at the expense of +innocence, he soon became one in all the king's parties of pleasure, +without gaining the ill will of the courtiers. In play he was +successful, in love unfortunate; or, to speak more properly, his +restlessness and jealousy overcame his natural prudence, in a situation +wherein he had most occasion for it. La Motte Agencourt was one of the +maids of honour to the queen dowager, and, though no sparkling beauty, +she had drawn away lovers from the celebrated Meneville. + + [These two ladies at this period seem to have made a distinguished + figure in the annals of gallantry. One of their contemporaries + mentions them in these terms: "In this case, perhaps, I can give a + better account than most people; as, for instance, they had raised a + report, when the queen-mother expelled Mademoiselle de la Motte + Agencourt, that it was on his score, when I am assured, upon very + good grounds, that it was for entertaining the Marquis de Richelieu + against her majesty's express command. This lady, who was one of + her maids of honour, was a person whom I was particularly acquainted + with; and that so much, as I was supposed to have a passion for her: + she was counted one of the finest women of the court, and therefore + I was not at all displeased to have it thought so; for except + Mademoiselle de Meneville, (who had her admirers,) there was none + that could pretend to dispute it" Memoirs of the Comte de Rochfort, + 1696, p. 210. See also Anquetil, Louis XVI. sa Cour et le Regent, + tome i. p. 46.] + +It was sufficient in those days for the king to cast his eye upon a +young lady of the court to inspire her with hopes, and often with tender +sentiments; but if he spoke to her more than once, the courtiers took it +for granted, and those who had either pretensions to, or love for her, +respectfully withdrew both the one and the other, and afterwards only +paid her respect; but the Chevalier de Grammont thought fit to act quite +otherwise, perhaps to preserve a singularity of character, which upon the +present occasion was of no avail. + +He had never before thought of her, but as soon as he found that she +was honoured with the king's attention, he was of opinion that she was +likewise deserving of his. Having attached himself to her, he soon +became very troublesome, without convincing her he was much in love. +She grew weary of his persecutions, but he would not desist, neither on +account of her ill-treatment nor of her threats. This conduct of his at +first made no great noise, because she was in hopes that he would change +his behaviour; but finding him rashly persist in it, she complained of +him: and then it was that he perceived that if love renders all +conditions equal, it is not so between rivals. He was banished the +court, and not finding any place in France which could console him for +what he most regretted--the presence and sight of his prince--after +having made some slight reflections upon his disgrace, and bestowed +a few imprecations against her who was the cause of it, he at last +formed the resolution of visiting England. + + + + + + + MEMOIRS OF COUNT GRAMMONT, VOLUME 3. + + By Anthony Hamilton + + EDITED, WITH NOTES, BY SIR WALTER SCOTT + + + + + CHAPTER SIXTH. + + HIS ARRIVAL AT THE ENGLISH COURT + --THE VARIOUS PERSONAGES OF THIS COURT + + +Curiosity to see a man equally famous for his crimes and his elevation, +had once before induced the Chevalier de Grammont to visit England. +Reasons of state assume great privileges. Whatever appears advantageous +is lawful, and every thing that is necessary is honourable in politics. +While the King of England sought the protection of Spain in the Low +Countries, and that of the States-General in Holland, other powers sent +splendid embassies to Cromwell. + +This man, whose ambition had opened him a way to sovereign power by the +greatest crimes, maintained himself in it by accomplishments which seemed +to render him worthy of it by their lustre. The nation, of all Europe +the least submissive, patiently bore a yoke which did not even leave her +the shadow of that liberty of which she is so jealous; and Cromwell, +master of the Commonwealth, under the title of Protector, feared at home, +but yet more dreaded abroad, was at his highest pitch of glory when he +was seen by the Chevalier de Grammont; but the Chevalier did not see any +appearance of a court. One part of the nobility proscribed, the other +removed from employments; an affectation of purity of manners, instead of +the luxury which the pomp of courts displays all taken together, +presented nothing but sad and serious objects in the finest city in the +world; and therefore the Chevalier acquired nothing by this voyage but +the idea of some merit in a profligate man, and the admiration of some +concealed beauties he had found means to discover. + +Affairs wore quite a different appearance at his second voyage. The joy +for the restoration of the royal family still appeared in all parts. The +nation, fond of change and novelty, tasted the pleasure of a natural +government, and seemed to breathe again after a long oppression. In +short, the same people who, by a solemn abjuration, had excluded even the +posterity of their lawful sovereign, exhausted themselves in festivals +and rejoicings for his return. + +The Chevalier de Grammont arrived about two years after the restoration. +The reception he met with in this court soon made him forget the other; +and the engagements he in the end contracted in England lessened the +regret he had in leaving France. + +This was a desirable retreat for an exile of his disposition. + +Everything flattered his taste, and if the adventures he had in this +country were not the most considerable, they were at least the most +agreeable of his life. But before we relate them it will not be improper +to give some account of the English court, as it was at that period. + +The necessity of affairs had exposed Charles II. from his earliest youth +to the toils and perils of a bloody war. The fate of the king his father +had left him for inheritance nothing but his misfortunes and disgraces. +They overtook him everywhere; but it was not until he had struggled with +his ill-fortune to the last extremity that he submitted to the decrees of +Providence. + +All those who were either great on account of their birth or their +loyalty had followed him into exile; and all the young persons of the +greatest distinction having afterwards joined him, composed a court +worthy of a better fate. + +Plenty and prosperity, which are thought to tend only to corrupt manners, +found nothing to spoil in an indigent and wandering court. Necessity, on +the contrary, which produces a thousand advantages whether we will or no, +served them for education; and nothing was to be seen among them but an +emulation in glory, politeness, and virtue. + +With this little court, in such high esteem for merit, the King of +England returned two years prior to the period we mention, to ascend a +throne which, to all appearances, he was to fill as worthily as the most +glorious of his predecessors. The magnificence displayed on thus +occasion was renewed at his coronation. + +The death of the Duke of Gloucester, and of the Princess Royal, which +followed soon after, had interrupted the course of this splendour by a +tedious mourning, which they quitted at last to prepare for the reception +of the Infanta of Portugal. + + [The Princess Royal: Mary, eldest daughter of Charles I., born + November 4th, 1631, married to the Prince of Orange, 2nd May, 1641, + who died 27th October, 1650. She arrived in England, September + 23rd, and died of the smallpox, December 24th, 1660,-according to + Bishop Burnet, not much lamented. "She had lived," says the author, + "in her widowhood for some years with great reputation, kept a + decent court, and supported her brothers very liberally; and lived + within bounds. But her mother, who had the art of making herself + believe anything she had a mind to, upon a conversation with the + queen-mother of France, fancied the King of France might be inclined + to marry her. So she wrote to her to come to Paris. In order to + that, she made an equipage far above what she could support. So she + ran herself into debt, sold all her jewels, and some estates that + were in her power as her son's guardian; and was not only + disappointed of that vain expectation, but fell into some + misfortunes that lessened the reputation she had formerly lived in." + History of his Own Times, vol. i., p. 238. She was mother of + William III.] + + ["The Infanta, of Portugal landed in May (1662) at Portsmouth. The + king went thither, and was married privately by Lord Aubigny, a + secular priest, and almoner to the queen, according to the rites of + Rome, in the queen's chamber; none present but the Portuguese + ambassador, three more Portuguese of quality, and two or three + Portuguese women. What made this necessary was, that the Earl of + Sandwich did not marry her by proxy, as usual, before she came away. + How this happened, the duke knows not, nor did the chancellor know + of this private marriage. The queen would not be bedded, till + pronounced man and wife by Sheldon, bishop of London."--Extract 2, + from King James II.'s Journal.--Macpherson's State Papers, vol. i. + In the same collection is a curious letter from the King to Lord + Clarendon, giving his opinion of the queen after having seen her.] + +It was in the height of the rejoicings they were making for this new +queen, in all the splendour of a brilliant court, that the Chevalier de +Grammont arrived to contribute to its magnificence and diversions. + +Accustomed as he was to the grandeur of the court of France, he was +surprised at the politeness and splendour of the court of England. The +king was inferior to none, either in shape or air; his wit was pleasant; +his disposition easy and affable; his soul, susceptible of opposite +impressions, was compassionate to the unhappy, inflexible to the wicked, +and tender even to excess; he showed great abilities in urgent affairs, +but was incapable of application to any that were not so: his heart was +often the dupe, but oftener the slave, of his engagements. + +The character of the Duke of York was entirely different he had the +reputation of undaunted courage, an inviolable attachment for his word, +great economy in his affairs, hauteur, application, arrogance, each in +their turn: a scrupulous observer of the rules of duty and the laws of +justice; he was accounted a faithful friend, and an implacable enemy. + + [James, Duke of York, afterwards King James II. He was born 15th + October, 1633; succeeded his brother 6th February, 1684-5; abdicated + the crown in 1688; and died 6th September, 1701. Bishop Burnet's + character of him appears not very far from the truth.--"He was," + says this writer, "very brave in his youth; and so much magnified by + Monsieur Turenne, that till his marriage lessened him, he really + clouded the king, and passed for the superior genius. He was + naturally candid and sincere, and a firm friend, till affairs and + his religion wore out all his first principles and inclinations he + had a great desire to understand affairs: and in order to that he + kept a constant journal of all that passed, of which he showed me a + great deal. The Duke of Buckingham gave me once a short but severe + character of the two brothers. It was the more severe, because it + was true: the king, (he said,) could see things if he would: and the + duke would see things if he could. He had no true judgment, and was + soon determined by those whom he trusted: but he was obstinate + against all other advices. He was bred with high notions of kingly + authority, and laid it down for a maxim, that all who opposed the + king were rebels in their hearts. He was perpetually in one amour + or other, without being very nice in his choice: upon which the king + once said, he believed his brother had his mistress given him by his + priests for penance. He was naturally eager and revengeful: and was + against the taking off any, that set up in an opposition to the + measures of the court, and who by that means grew popular in the + house of commons. He was for rougher methods. He continued many + years dissembling his religion, and seemed zealous for the church of + England, but it was chiefly on design to hinder all propositions, + that tended to unite us among ourselves. He was a frugal prince, + and brought his court into method and magnificence, for he had + L100,000. a-year allowed him. He was made high admiral, and he came + to understand all the concerns of the sea very particularly."] + +His morality and justice, struggling for some time with prejudice, had at +last triumphed, by his acknowledging for his wife Miss Hyde, maid of +honour to the Princess Royal, whom he had secretly married in Holland. +Her father, from that time prime minister of England, supported by this +new interest, soon rose to the head of affairs, and had almost ruined +them: not that he wanted capacity, but he was too self-sufficient. + +The Duke of Ormond possessed the confidence and esteem of his master: the +greatness of his services, the splendour of his merit and his birth, and +the fortune he had abandoned in adhering to the fate of his prince, +rendered him worthy of it nor durst the courtiers even murmur at seeing +him grand steward of the household, first lord of the bed-chamber, and +lord-lieutenant of Ireland. He exactly resembled the Marshal de +Grammont, in the turn of his wit and the nobleness of his manners: and +like him was the honour of his master's court. + +The Duke of Buckingham and the Earl of St. Albans were the same in +England as they appeared in France: the one full of wit and vivacity, +dissipated, without splendour, an immense estate upon which he had just +entered: the other, a man of no great genius, had raised himself a +considerable fortune from nothing, and by losing at play, and keeping a +great table, made it appear greater than it was. + + ["The Duke of Buckingham is again one hundred and forty thousand + pounds in debt; and by this prorogation his creditors have time to + tear all his lands to pieces."--Andrew Marvell's Works, 4to. edit., + vol. i. p. 406.] + +Sir George Berkeley, afterwards Earl of Falmouth, was the confidant and +favourite of the King: he commanded the Duke of York's regiment of +guards, and governed the Duke himself. He had nothing very remarkable +either in his wit, or his person; but his sentiments were worthy of the +fortune which awaited him, when, on the very point of his elevation, he +was killed at sea. Never did disinterestedness so perfectly characterise +the greatness of the soul: he had no views but what tended to the glory +of his master: his credit was never employed but in advising him to +reward services, or to confer favours on merit: so polished in +conversation, that the greater his power, the greater was his humility; +and so sincere in all his proceedings, that he would never have been +taken for a courtier. + +The Duke of Ormond's sons and his nephews had been in the king's court +during his exile, and were far from diminishing its lustre after his +return. The Earl of Arran had a singular address in all kinds of +exercises, played well at tennis and on the guitar, and was pretty +successful in gallantry: his elder brother, the Earl of Ossory, was not +so lively, but of the most liberal sentiments, and of great probity. + +The elder of the Hamiltons, their cousin, was the man who of all the +court dressed best: he was well made in his person, and possessed those +happy talents which lead to fortune, and procure success in love: he was +a most assiduous courtier, had the most lively wit, the most polished +manners, and the most punctual attention to his master imaginable: no +person danced better, nor was any one a more general lover: a merit of +some account in a court entirely devoted to love and gallantry. It is +not at all surprising, that with these qualities he succeeded my Lord +Falmouth in the King's favour; but it is very extraordinary that he +should have experienced the same destiny, as if this sort of war had been +declared against merit only, and as if this sort of combat was fatal to +none but such as had certain hopes of a splendid fortune. This, however, +did not happen till some years afterwards. + +The beau Sydney, less dangerous than he appeared to be, had not +sufficient vivacity to support the impression which his figure made; but +little Jermyn was on all sides successful in his intrigues. + + [Robert Sydney, third son of the Earl of Leicester, and brother of + the famous Algernon Sydney, who was beheaded. This is Lord Orford's + account; though, on less authority, I should have been inclined to + have considered Henry Sydney, his younger brother, who was + afterwards created Earl of Rumney, and died 8th April, 1704, as the + person intended. There are some circumstances which seem + particularly to point to him. Burnet, speaking of him, says, "he + was a, graceful man, and had lived long in the court, where he lead + some adventures that became very public. He was a man of a sweet + and caressing temper, had no malice in his heart, but too great a + love of pleasure. He had been sent envoy to Holland in the year + 1679, where he entered into such particular confidences with the + prince, that he had the highest measure of his trust and favour that + any Englishman ever had."--History of his Own Times, vol. ii., p. + 494. + + In the Essay on Satire, by Dryden and Mulgrave, he is spoken of in + no very decent terms. + + "And little Sid, for simile renown'd, + Pleasure has always sought, but never found + Though all his thoughts on wine and women fall, + His are so bad, sure he ne'er thinks at all. + The flesh he lives upon is rank and strong; + His meat and mistresses are kept too long. + But sure we all mistake this pious man, + Who mortifies his person all he can + What we uncharitably take for sin, + Are only rules of this odd capuchin; + For never hermit, under grave pretence, + Has lived more contrary to common sense." + + These verses, however, have been applied to Sir Charles Sedley, + whose name was originally spelt Sidley. Robert Sydney died at + Pensburst, 1674.] + +The old Earl of St. Albans, his uncle, had for a long time adopted him, +though the youngest of all his nephews. It is well known what a table +the good man kept at Paris, while the King his master was starving at +Brussels, and the Queen Dowager, his mistress, lived not over well in +France. + + [To what a miserable state the queen was reduced may be seen in the + following extract from De Retz.--"Four or five days before the king + removed from Paris, I went to visit the Queen of England, whom I + found in her daughter's chamber, who hath been since Duchess of + Orleans. At my coming in she said, 'You see I am come to keep + Henrietta company. The poor child could not rise to-day for want of + a fire.' The truth is, that the cardinal for six months together + had not ordered her any money towards her pension; that no + trades-people would trust her for anything; and that there was not at + her lodgings in the Louvre one single billet. You will do me the + justice to suppose that the Princess of England did not keep her bed + the next day for want of a faggot; but it was not this which the + Princess of Conde meant in her letter. What she spoke about was, + that some days after my visiting the Queen of England, I remembered + the condition I had found her in, and had strongly represented the + shame of abandoning her in that manner, which caused the parliament + to send 40,000 livres to her majesty. Posterity will hardly believe + that a Princess of England, grand-daughter of Henry the Great, hath + wanted a faggot, in the month of January, to get out of bed in the + Louvre, and in the eyes of a French court. We read in histories, + with horror, of baseness less monstrous than this; and the little + concern I have met with about it in most people's minds, has obliged + me to make, I believe, a thousand times, this reflection,--that + examples of times past move men beyond comparison more than those of + their own times. We accustom ourselves to what we see; and I have + sometimes told you, that I doubted whether Caligula's horse being + made a consul would have surprised us so much as we imagine." + --Memoirs, vol. i., p. 261. As for the relative situation of the king + and Lord Jermyn, (afterwards St. Albans,) Lord Clarendon says, that + the "Marquis of Ormond was compelled to put himself in prison, with + other gentlemen, at a pistole a-week for his diet, and to walk the + streets a-foot, which was no honourable custom in Paris, whilst the + Lord Jermyn kept an excellent table for those who courted him, and + had a coach of his own, and all other accommodations incident to the + most full fortune: and if the king had the most urgent occasion for + the use but of twenty pistoles, as sometimes he had, he could not + find credit to borrow it, which he often had experiment of." + --History of the Rebellion, vol. iii., p. 2.] + +Jermyn, supported by his uncle's wealth, found it no difficult matter to +make a considerable figure upon his arrival at the court of the Princess +of Orange: the poor courtiers of the king her brother could not vie with +him in point of equipage and magnificence; and these two articles often +produce as much success in love as real merit: there is no necessity for +any other example than the present; for though Jermyn was brave, and +certainly a gentleman, yet he had neither brilliant actions, nor +distinguished rank, to set him off; and as for his fibre, there was +nothing advantageous in it. He was little: his head was large and his +legs small; his features were not disagreeable, but he was affected in +his carriage and behaviour. All his wit consisted in expressions learnt +by rote, which he occasionally employed either in raillery, or in love. +This was the whole foundation of the merit of a man so formidable in +amours. + +The Princess Royal was the first who was taken with him: Miss Hyde seemed +to be following the steps of her mistress: this immediately brought him +into credit, and his reputation was established in England before his +arrival. Prepossession in the minds of women is sufficient to find +access to their hearts: Jermyn found them in dispositions so favourable +for him, that he had nothing to do but to speak. + +It was in vain they perceived that a reputation so lightly established, +was still more weakly sustained: the prejudice remained: the Countess of +Castlemaine, a woman lively and discerning followed the delusive shadow; +and though undeceived in a reputation which promised so much, and +performed so little, she nevertheless continued in her infatuation: she +even persisted in it, until she was upon the point of embroiling herself +with the King; so great was this first instance of her constancy. + +Such were the heroes of the court. As for the beauties, you could not +look anywhere without seeing them: those of the greatest reputation were +this same Countess of Castlemaine, afterwards Duchess of Cleveland, Lady +Chesterfield, Lady Shrewsbury, the Mrs. Roberts, Mrs. Middleton, the +Misses Brooks, and a thousand others, who shone at court with equal +lustre; but it was Miss Hamilton and Miss Stewart who were its chief +ornaments. + + [Lady Shrewsbury: Anna, Maria, Countess of Shrewsbury, eldest + daughter of Robert Brudenel, Earl of Cardigan, and wife of Francis, + Earl of Shrewsbury, who was killed in a duel by George, Duke of + Buckingham, March 16, 1667. She afterwards re-married with George + Rodney Bridges, Esq., second son of Sir Thomas Bridges of Keynsham, + in Somersetshire, knight, and died April 20, 1702. By her second + husband she had one son, George Rodney Bridges, who died in 1751. + This woman is said to have been so abandoned, as to have held, in + the habit of a page, her gallant, the duke's horse, while he fought + and killed her husband; after which she went to bed with him, + stained with her husband's blood.] + +The new queen gave but little additional brilliancy to the court, either +in her person or in her retinue, which was then composed of the Countess +de Panetra, who came over with her in quality of lady of the bedchamber; +six frights, who called themselves maids of honour, and a duenna, another +monster, who took the title of governess to those extraordinary beauties. + + [Lord Clarendon confirms, in some measure, this account. "There + was a numerous family of men and women, that were sent from + Portugal, the most improper to promote that conformity in the queen + that was necessary for her condition and future happiness that could + be chosen; the women, for the most part, old, and ugly, and proud, + incapable of any conversation with persons of quality and a liberal + education: and they desired, and indeed had conspired so far to + possess the queen themselves, that she should neither learn the + English language, nor use their habit, nor depart from the manners + and fashions of her own country in any particulars: which + resolution," they told, "would be for the dignity of Portugal, and + would quickly induce the English ladies to conform to her majesty's + practice. And this imagination had made that impression, that the + tailor who had been sent into Portugal to make her clothes could + never be admitted to see her, or receive any employment. Nor when + she came to Portsmouth, and found there several ladies of honour and + prime quality to attend her in the places to which they were + assigned by the king, did she receive any of them till the king + himself came; nor then with any grace, or the liberty that belonged + to their places and offices. She could not be persuaded to be + dressed out of the wardrobe that the king had sent to her, but would + wear the clothes which she had brought, until she found that the + king was displeased, and would be obeyed; whereupon she conformed, + against the advice of her women, who continued their opiniatrety, + without any one of them receding from their own mode, which exposed + them the more to reproach."--Continuation of Clarendon's Life, p. + 168. In a short time after their arrival in England, they were + ordered back to Portugal.] + +Among the men were Francisco de Melo, brother to the Countess de Panetra; +one Taurauvedez, who called himself Don Pedro Francisco Correo de Silva, +extremely handsome, but a greater fool than all the Portuguese put +together: he was more vain of his names than of his person; but the Duke +of Buckingham, a still greater fool than he, though more addicted to +raillery, gave him the additional name of Peter of the Wood. He was so +enraged at this, that, after many fruitless complaints and ineffectual +menaces, poor Pedro de Silva was obliged to leave England, while the +happy duke kept possession of a Portuguese nymph more hideous than the +queen's maids of honour, whom he had taken from him, as well as two of +his names. Besides these, there were six chaplains, four bakers, a Jew +perfumer, and a certain officer, probably without an office, who called +himself her highness's barber. Katharine de Braganza was far from +appearing with splendour in the charming court where she came to reign; +however, in the end she was pretty successful. + + [Lord Clarendon says, "the queen had beauty and wit enough to make + herself agreeable to him (the king); and it is very certain, that, + at their first meeting, and for some time after, the King had very + good satisfaction in her. . . . Though she was of years enough + to have had more experience of the world, and of as much wit as + could be wished, and of a humour very agreeable at some seasons, + yet, she had been bred, according to the mode and discipline of her + country, in a monastery, where she had only seen the women who + attended her, and conversed with the religious who resided there; + and, without doubt, in her inclinations, was enough disposed to have + been one of that number: and from this restraint she was called out + to be a great queen, and to a free conversation in a court that was + to be upon the matter new formed, and reduced from the manners of a + licentious age to the old rules and limits which had been observed + in better times; to which regular and decent conformity the present + disposition of men or women was not enough inclined to submit, nor + the king enough disposed to exact."--Continuation of Lord + Clarendon's Life, p. 167. After some struggle, she submitted to the + king's licentious conduct, and from that time lived upon easy terms + with him, until his death. On the 30th March, 1692, she left + Somerset-house, her usual residence, and retired to Lisbon, where + she died, 31st December, 1705, N. S.] + +The Chevalier de Grammont, who had been long known to the royal family, +and to most of the gentlemen of the court, had only to get acquainted +with the ladies; and for this he wanted no interpreter: they all spoke +French enough to explain themselves, and they all understood it +sufficiently to comprehend what he had to say to them. + +The queen's court was always very numerous; that of the duchess was less +so, but more select. This princess had a majestic air, a pretty good +shape, not much beauty, a great deal of wit, and so just a discernment of +merit, that, whoever of either sex were possessed of it, were sure to be +distinguished by her: an air of grandeur in all her actions made her be +considered as if born to support the rank: which placed her so near the +throne. + + ["The Duchess of York," says Bishop Burnet, "was a very + extraordinary woman. She had great knowledge, and a lively sense of + things. She soon understood what belonged to a princess, and took + state on her rather too much. She wrote well, and had begun the + duke's life, of which she showed me a volume. It was all drawn from + his journal; and he intended to have employed me in carrying it on. + She was bred in great strictness in religion, and practised secret + confession. Morley told me he was her confessor. She began at + twelve years old, and continued under his direction till, upon her + father's disgrace, he was put from the court. She was generous and + friendly, but was too severe an enemy."-history of his Own Times, + vol. i., p. 237. She was contracted to the duke at Breda, + November 24, 1659, and married at Worcester-house, 3rd September, + 1660, in the night, between eleven and two, by Dr. Joseph Crowther, + the duke's chaplain; the Lord Ossory giving her in marriage. + --Kennet's Register, p. 246. She died 31st March, 1671, having + previously acknowledged herself to be a Roman Catholic.--See also + her character by Bishop Morley.--Kennet's Register, p. 385, 390.] + +The queen dowager returned after the marriage of the princess royal, and +it was in her court that the two others met. + +The Chevalier de Grammont was soon liked by all parties those who had not +known him before were surprised to see a Frenchman of his disposition. +The king's restoration having drawn a great number of foreigners from all +countries to the court, the French were rather in disgrace; for, instead +of any persons of distinction having appeared among the first who came +over, they had only seen some insignificant puppies, each striving to +outdo the other in folly and extravagance, despising everything which +was not like themselves, and thinking they introduced the 'bel air', by +treating the English as strangers in their own country. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, on the contrary, was familiar with everybody: +he gave in to their customs, eat of everything, and easily habituated +himself to their manner of living, which he looked upon as neither vulgar +nor barbarous; and as he showed a natural complaisance, instead of the +impertinent affectation of the others, all the nation was charmed with a +man, who agreeably indemnified them for what they had suffered from the +folly of the former. + +He first of all made his court to the king, and was of all his parties +of pleasure: he played high, and lost but seldom: he found so little +difference in the manners and conversation of those with whom he chiefly +associated, that he could scarcely believe he was out of his own country. +Everything which could agreeably engage a man of his disposition, +presented itself to his different humours, as if the pleasures of the +court of France had quitted it to accompany him in his exile. + +He was every day engaged for some entertainment; and those who wished to +regale him in their turn, were obliged to take their measures in time, +and to invite him eight or ten days before hand. These importunate +civilities became tiresome in the long run; but as they seemed +indispensable to a man of his disposition, and as they were the most +genteel people of the court who loaded him with them, he submitted with +a good grace; but always reserved to himself the liberty of supping at +home. + +His supper hour depended upon play, and was indeed very uncertain; +but his supper was always served up with the greatest elegance, by the +assistance of one or two servants, who were excellent caterers and good +attendants, but understood cheating still better. + +The company, at these little entertainments, was not numerous, but +select: the first people of the court were commonly of the party; but the +man, who of all others suited him best on these occasions, never failed +to attend: that was the celebrated Saint Evremond, who with great +exactness, but too great freedom, had written the history of the treaty +of the Pyrenees: an exile like himself, though for very different +reasons. + +Happily for them both, fortune had, some time before the arrival of the +Chevalier de Grammont, brought Saint Evremond to England, after he had +had leisure to repent in Holland of the beauties of that famous satire. + + [Charles de St. Denis, Seigneur de Saint Evremond, was born at St. + Denis le Guast, in Lower Normandy, on the 1st of April, 1613. He + was educated at Paris, with a view to the profession of the law; but + he early quitted that pursuit, and went into the army, where he + signalized himself on several occasions. At the time of the + Pyrenean treaty, he wrote a letter censuring the conduct of Cardinal + Mazarin, which occasioned his being banished France. He first took + refuge in Holland; but, in 1662, he removed into England, where he + continued, with a short interval, during the rest of his life. In + 1675, the Duchess of Mazarin came to reside in England; and with her + St. Evremond passed much of his time. He preserved his health and + cheerfulness to a very great age, and died 9th of September, 1703, + aged ninety years, five months, and twenty days. His biographer + Monsieur Des Maizeaux, describes him thus: "M. de St. Evremond had + blue, lively, and sparkling eyes, a large forehead, thick eyebrows, + a handsome mouth, and a sneering physiognomy. Twenty years before + his death, a wen grew between his eye-brows, which in time increased + to a considerable bigness. He once designed to have it cut off, but + as it was no ways troublesome to him, and he little regarded that + kind of deformity, Dr. Le Fevre advised him to let it alone, lest + such an operation should be attended with dangerous symptoms in a + man of his age. He would often make merry with himself on account + of his wen, his great leather cap, and grey hair, which he chose to + wear rather than a periwig." St. Evremond was a kind of Epicurean + philosopher, and drew his own character in the following terms, in a + letter to Count de Grammont. "He was a philosopher equally removed + from superstition and impiety; a voluptuary who had no less aversion + from debauchery than inclination for pleasure: a man who had never + felt the pressure of indigence, and who had never been in possession + of affluence: he lived in a condition despised by those who have + everything, envied by those who have nothing, and relished by those + who make their reason the foundation of their happiness. When he + was young he hated profusion, being persuaded that some degree of + wealth was necessary for the conveniencies of a long life: when he + was old, he could hardly endure economy, being of opinion that want + is little to be dreaded when a man has but little time left to be + miserable. He was well pleased with nature, and did not complain of + fortune. He hated vice, was indulgent to frailties, and lamented + misfortunes. He sought not after the failings of men with a design + to expose them; he only found what was ridiculous in them for his + own amusement: he had a secret pleasure in discovering this himself, + and would, indeed, have had a still greater in discovering this to + others, had not he been checked by discretion. Life, in his + opinion, was too short to read all sorts of books, and to burden + one's memory with a multitude of things, at the expense of one's + judgment. He did not apply himself to the most learned writings, in + order to acquire knowledge, but to the most rational, to fortify his + reason: he sometimes chose the most delicate, to give delicacy to + his own taste, and sometimes the most agreeable, to give the same to + his own genius. It remains that he should be described, such as he + was, in friendship and in religion. In friendship he was more + constant than a philosopher, and more sincere than a young man of + good nature without experience. With regard to religion, his piety + consisted more in justice and charity than in penance or + mortification. He placed his confidence in God, trusting in His + goodness, and hoping that in the bosom of His providence he should + find his repose and his felicity."--He was buried in Westminster + Abbey.] + +The Chevalier was from that time his hero: they had each of them attained +to all the advantages which a knowledge of the world, and the society of +people of fashion, could add to the improvement of good natural talents. +Saint Evremond, less engaged in frivolous pursuits, frequently gave +little lectures to the Chevalier, and by making observations upon the +past, endeavoured to set him right for the present, or to instruct him +for the future. "You are now," said he, "in the most agreeable way of +life a man of your temper could wish for: you are the delight of a +youthful, sprightly, and gallant court: the king has never a party of +pleasure to which you are not admitted. You play from morning to night, +or, to speak more properly, from night to morning, without knowing +what it is to lose. Far from losing the money you brought hither, as you +have done in other places, you have doubled it, trebled it, multiplied it +almost beyond your wishes, notwithstanding the exorbitant expenses you +are imperceptibly led into. This, without doubt, is the most desirable +situation in the, world: stop here, Chevalier, and do not ruin your +affairs by returning to your old sins. Avoid love, by pursuing other +pleasures: love has never been favourable to you. + + ["Saint Evremond and Bussi-Rabutin, who have also written on the + life of the Count de Grammont, agree with Hamilton in representing + him as a man less fortunate in love than at play; not seeking for + any other pleasure in the conquest of a woman but that of depriving + another of her; and not able to persuade any one of his passion, + because he spoke to her, as at all other times, in jest: but cruelly + revenging himself on those who refused to hear him; corrupting the + servants of those whom they did favour, counterfeiting their + handwriting, intercepting their letters, disconcerting their + rendezvous; in one word, disturbing their amours by everything which + a rival, prodigal, indefatigable, and full of artifice, can be + imagined to do. The straitest ties of blood could not secure any + one from his detraction. His nephew, the Count de Guiche, was a + victim: he had in truth, offended the Count de Grammont, by having + supplanted him in the affection of the Countess de Fiesque, whom he + loved afterwards for the space of twelve years. Here was enough to + irritate the self-love of a man less persuaded of his own merit." + Hamilton does not describe the exterior of the count, but accuses + Bussi-Rabutin of having, in the following description, given a more + agreeable than faithful portrait of him: "The chevalier had laughing + eyes, a well-formed nose, a beautiful mouth, a small dimple in the + chin, which had an agreeable effect on his countenance, a certain + delicacy in his physiognomy, and a handsome shape, if he had not + stooped."] + +"You are sensible how much gallantry has cost you; and every person here +is not so well acquainted with that matter as yourself. Play boldly: +entertain the court with your wit: divert the king by your ingenious and +entertaining stories; but avoid all engagements which can deprive you of +this merit, and make you forget you are a stranger and an exile in this +delightful country. + +"Fortune may bow weary of befriending you at play. What would have +become of you, if your last misfortune had happened to you when your +money had been at as low an ebb as I have known it? Attend carefully +then to this necessary deity, and renounce the other. You will be missed +at the court of France before you grow weary of this; but be that as it +may, lay up a good store of money: when a man is rich he consoles himself +for his banishment. I know you well, my dear Chevalier: if you take it +into your head to seduce a lady, or to supplant a lover, your gains at +play will by no means suffice for presents and for bribes: no, let play +be as productive to you as it can be, you will never gain so much by it +as you will lose by love, if you yield to it. + +"You are in possession of a thousand splendid qualifications which +distinguish you here: generous, benevolent, elegant, and polite; and for +your engaging wit, inimitable. Upon a strict examination, perhaps, all +this would not be found literally true; but these are brilliant marks; +and since it is granted that you possess them, do not show yourself here +in any other light: for, in love, if your manner of paying your addresses +can be so denominated, you do not in the least resemble the picture I +have just now drawn." + +"My little philosophical monitor," said the Chevalier de Grammont, "you +talk here as if you were the Cato of Normandy." "Do I say anything +untrue?" replied Saint Evremond: "Is it not a fact, that as soon as a +woman pleases you, your first care is to find out whether she has any +other lover, and your second how to plague her; for the gaining her +affection is the last thing in your thoughts. You seldom engage in +intrigues, but to disturb the happiness of others: a mistress who has no +lovers would have no charms for you, and if she has, she would be +invaluable. Do not all the places through which you have passed furnish +me with a thousand examples? Shall I mention your coup d'essai at Turin? +the trick you played at Fontainebleau, where you robbed the Princess +Palatine's courier upon the highway? and for what purpose was this fine +exploit, but to put you in possession of some proofs of her affection for +another, in order to give her uneasiness and confusion by reproaches and +menaces, which you had no right to use? + +"Who but yourself ever took it into his head to place himself in ambush +upon the stairs, to disturb a man in an intrigue, and to pull him back by +the leg when he was half way up to his mistress's chamber? yet did not +you use your friend the Duke of Buckingham in this manner, when he was +stealing at night to ------ although you were not in the least his rival? +How many spies did not you send out after d'Olonne? + + [Mademoiselle de la Loupe, who is mentioned in De Retz's Memoirs, + vol. iii., p. 95. She married the Count d'Olonne, and became + famous for her gallantries, of which the Count de Bussi speaks so + much, in his History of the Amours of the Gauls. Her maiden name + was Catherine Henrietta d'Angennes, and she was daughter to Charles + d'Angennes, Lord of la Loupe, Baron of Amberville, by Mary du + Raynier. There is a long character of her by St. Evremond, in his + works, vol. i., p. 17. The same writer, mentioning the concern of + some ladies for the death of the Duke of Candale, says, "But his + true mistress (the Countess d'Olonne) made herself famous by the + excess of her affliction, and had, in my opinion, been happy, if she + had kept it on to the last. One amour is creditable to a lady; and + I know not whether it be not more advantageous to their reputation + than never to have been in love."--St. Evremond's works, vol. ii., + p. 24.] + +"How many tricks, frauds, and persecutions, did you not practise for the +Countess de Fiesque, who perhaps might have been constant to you, if you +had not yourself forced her to be otherwise? But, to conclude, for the +enumeration of your iniquities would be endless, give me leave to ask +you, how you came here? Are not we obliged to that same evil genius of +yours, which rashly inspired you to intermeddle even in the gallantries +of your prince? Show some discretion then on this point here, I beseech +you; all the beauties of the court are already engaged; and however +docile the English may be with respect to their wives, they can by no +means bear the inconstancy of their mistresses, nor patiently suffer the +advantages of a rival: suffer them therefore to remain in tranquillity, +and do not gain their ill-will for no purpose. + +"You certainly will meet with no success with such as are unmarried: +honourable views, and good landed property, are required here; and you +possess as much of the one as the other. Every country has its customs: +in Holland, unmarried ladies are of easy access, and of tender +dispositions; but as soon as ever they are married, they become like so +many Lucretias: in France, the women are great coquettes before marriage, +and still more so afterwards; but here it is a miracle if a young lady +yields to any proposal but that of matrimony and I do not believe you yet +so destitute of grace as to think of that." + +Such were Saint Evremond's lectures; but they were all to no purpose: the +Chevalier de Grammont only attended to them for his amusement; and though +he was sensible of the truth they contained, he paid little regard to +them: in fact, being weary of the favours of fortune, he had just +resolved to pursue those of love. + +Mrs. Middleton was the first whom he attacked: she was one of the +Handsomest women in town, though then little known at court: so much of +the coquette as to discourage no one; and so great was her desire of +appearing magnificently, that she was ambitious to vie with those of the +greatest fortunes, though unable to support the expense. All this suited +the Chevalier de Grammont; therefore, without trifling away his time in +useless ceremonies, he applied to her porter for admittance, and chose +one of her lovers for his confidant. + +This lover, who was not deficient in wit, was at that time a Mr. Jones, +afterwards Earl of Ranelagh: what engaged him to serve the Chevalier de +Grammont, was to traverse the designs of a most dangerous rival, and to +relieve himself from an expense which began to lie too heavy upon him. +In both respects the Chevalier answered his purpose. + +Immediately spies were placed, letters and presents flew about: he was +received as well as he could wish: he was permitted to ogle: he was even +ogled again; but this was all. He found that the fair one was very +willing to accept, but was tardy in making returns. This induced him, +without giving up his pretensions to her, to seek his fortune elsewhere. + +Among the queen's maids of honour, there was one called Warmestre: she +was a beauty very different from the other. Mrs. Middleton was well +made, fair, and delicate; but had in her behaviour and discourse +something precise and affected. The indolent languishing airs she gave +herself did not please everybody: people grew weary of those sentiments +of delicacy, which she endeavoured to explain without understanding them +herself; and instead of entertaining she became tiresome. In these +attempts she gave herself so much trouble, that she made the company +uneasy, and her ambition to pass for a wit, only established her the +reputation of being tiresome, which lasted much longer than her beauty. + +Miss Warmestre was brown: she had no shape at all, and still less air; +but she had a very lively complexion, very sparkling eyes, tempting +looks, which spared nothing that might ensnare a lover, and promised +everything which could preserve him. In the end, it very plainly +appeared that her consent went along with her eyes to the last degree of +indiscretion. + +It was between these two goddesses that the inclinations of the Chevalier +de Grammont stood wavering, and between whom his presents were divided. +Perfumed gloves, pocket looking-glasses, elegant boxes, apricot paste, +essences, and other small wares of love, arrived every week from Paris, +with some new suit for himself; but, with regard to more solid presents, +such as ear-rings, diamonds, brilliants, and bright guineas, all this was +to be met with of the best sort in London, and the ladies were as well +pleased with them as if they had been brought from abroad. + +Miss Stewart's beauty began at this time to be celebrated. + + [Frances, Duchess of Richmond, daughter of Walter Stewart, son of + Walter, Baron of Blantyre, and wife of Charles Stewart, Duke of + Richmond and Lennox: a lady of exquisite beauty, if justly + represented in a puncheon made by Roettiere, his majesty's engraver + of the mint, in order to strike a medal of her, which exhibits the + finest face that perhaps was ever seen. The king was supposed to be + desperately in love with her; and it became common discourse, that + there was a design on foot to get him divorced from the queen, in + order to marry this lady. Lord Clarendon was thought to have + promoted the match with the Duke of Richmond, thereby to prevent the + other design, which he imagined would hurt the king's character, + embroil his affairs at present, and entail all the evils of a + disputed succession on the nation. Whether he actually encouraged + the Duke of Richmond's marriage, doth not appear; but it is certain + that he was so strongly possessed of the king's inclination to a + divorce, that, even after his disgrace, he was persuaded the Duke of + Buckingham had under taken to carry that matter through the + parliament. It is certain too that the king considered him as the + chief promoter of Miss Stewart's marriage, and resented it in the + highest degree. (See Pepys' Diaries. Ed.) The ceremony took place + privately, and it was publicly declared in April, 1667. From one of + Sir Robert Southwell's dispatches, dated Lisbon, December 12, + 1667, it appears that the report of the queen's intended divorce had + not then subsided in her native country.--History of the Revolutions + of Portugal, 1740, p. 352. The duchess became a widow in 1672, and + died October 15, 1702. See Burnet's History, Ludlow's Memoirs, and + Carte's Life of the Duke of Ormond. A figure in wax of this duchess + is still to be seen in Westminster-abbey.] + +The Countess of Castlemaine perceived that the king paid attention to +her; but, instead of being alarmed at it, she favoured, as far as she was +able, this new inclination, whether from an indiscretion common to all +those who think themselves superior to the rest of mankind, or whether +she designed, by this pastime, to divert the king's attention from the +commerce which she held with Jermyn. She was not satisfied with +appearing without any degree of uneasiness at a preference which all +the court began to remark: she even affected to make Miss Stewart her +favourite, and invited her to all the entertainments she made for the +king; and, in confidence of her own charms, with the greatest +indiscretion, she often kept her to sleep. The king, who seldom +neglected to visit the countess before she rose, seldom failed likewise +to find Miss Stewart in bed with her. The most indifferent objects have +charms in a new attachment: however, the imprudent countess was not +jealous of this rival's appearing with her, in such a situation, being +confident, that whenever she thought fit, she could triumph over all the +advantages which these opportunities could afford Miss Stewart; but she +was quite mistaken. + +The Chevalier de Grammont took notice of this conduct, without being able +to comprehend it; but, as he was attentive to the inclinations of the +king, he began to make his court to him, by enhancing the merit of this +new mistress. Her figure was more showy than engaging: it was hardly +possible for a woman to have less wit, or more beauty: all her features +were fine and regular; but her shape was not good: yet she was slender, +straight enough, and taller than the generality of women: she was very +graceful, danced well, and spoke French better than her mother tongue: +she was well bred, and possessed, in perfection, that air of dress which +is so much admired, and which cannot be attained, unless it be taken when +young, in France. While her charms were gaining ground in the king's +heart, the Countess of Castlemaine amused herself in the gratification of +all her caprices. + +Mrs. Hyde was one of the first of the beauties who were prejudiced with +a blind prepossession in favour of Jermyn she had just married a man whom +she loved: by this marriage she became sister-in-law to the duchess, +brilliant by her own native lustre, and full of pleasantry and wit. +However, she was of opinion, that so long as she was not talked of on +account of Jermyn, all her other advantages would avail nothing for her +glory: it was, therefore, to receive this finishing stroke, that she +resolved to throw herself into his arms. + +She was of a middle size, had a skin of a dazzling whiteness, fine hands, +and a foot surprisingly beautiful, even in England: long custom had given +such a languishing tenderness to her looks, that she never opened her +eyes but like a Chinese; and, when she ogled, one would have thought she +was doing something else. + +Jermyn accepted of her at first; but, being soon puzzled what to do with +her, he thought it best to sacrifice her to Lady Castlemaine. The +sacrifice was far from being displeasing to her; it was much to her glory +to have carried off Jermyn from so many competitors; but this was of no +consequence in the end. + +Jacob Hall (the famous rope-dancer) was at that time in vogue in London; +his strength and agility charmed in public, even to a wish to know what +he was in private; for he appeared, in his tumbling dress, to be quite of +a different make, and to have limbs very different from the fortunate +Jermyn. + + ["There was a symmetry and elegance, as well as strength and + agility, in the person of Jacob Hall, which was much admired by the + ladies, who regarded him as a due composition of Hercules and + Adonis. The open-hearted Duchess of Cleveland was said to have been + in love with this rope-dancer and Goodman the player at the same + time. The former received a salary from her grace."--Granger, vol. + ii., part 2, p. 461. In reference to the connection between the + duchess and the ropedancer, Mr. Pope introduced the following lines + into his "Sober Advice from Horace:" + + "What push'd poor E--s on th' imperial whore? + 'Twas but to be where Charles had been before, + The fatal steel unjustly was apply'd, + When not his lust offended, but his pride + Too hard a penance for defeated sin, + Himself shut out, and Jacob Hall let in."] + +The tumbler did not deceive Lady Castlemaine's expectations, if report +may be believed; and as was intimated in many a song, much more to the +honour of the rope-dancer than of the countess; but she despised all +these rumours, and only appeared still more handsome. + +While satire thus found employment at her cost, there were continual +contests for the favours of another beauty, who was not much more +niggardly in that way than herself; this was the Countess of Shrewsbury. + +The Earl of Arran, who had been one of her first admirers, was not one of +the last to desert her; this beauty, less famous for her conquests than +for the misfortunes she occasioned, placed her greatest merits in being +more capricious than any other. As no person could boast of being the +only one in her favour; so no person could complain of having been ill +received. + +Jermyn was displeased that she had made no advances to him, without +considering that she had no leisure for it; his pride was offended; but +the attempt which he made to take her from the rest of her lovers was +very ill-advised. + +Thomas Howard, brother to the Earl of Carlisle, was one of them; there +was not a braver, nor a more genteel man in England; and though he was +of a modest demeanour, and his manners appeared gentle and pacific, no +person was more spirited nor more passionate. Lady Shrewsbury, +inconsiderately returning the first ogles of the invincible Jermyn, did +not at all make herself more agreeable to Howard; that, however, she paid +little attention to; yet, as she designed to keep fair with him, she +consented to accept an entertainment which he had often proposed, and +which she durst no longer refuse. A place of amusement, called Spring +Garden,--was fixed upon for the scene of this entertainment. + +As soon as the party was settled, Jermyn was privately informed of it. +Howard had a company in the regiment of guards, and one of the soldiers +of his company played pretty well on the bagpipes; this soldier was +therefore at the entertainment. Jermyn was at the garden, as by chance; +and, puffed up with his former successes, he trusted to his victorious +air for accomplishing this last enterprise; he no sooner appeared on the +walks, than her ladyship showed herself upon the balcony. + +I know not how she stood affected to her hero; but Howard did not fancy +him much; this did not prevent his coming up stairs upon the first sign +she made to him; and not content with acting the petty tyrant, at an +entertainment not made for himself, no sooner had he gained the soft +looks of the fair one, than he exhausted all his common-place, and all +his stock of low irony, in railing at the entertainment, and ridiculing +the music. + + [Spring Garden: They stay there so long as if they wanted not time + to finish the race; for it is usual here to find some of the young + company till midnight; and the thickets of the garden seem to be + contrived to all advantages of gallantry, after they have refreshed + with the collation, which is here seldom omitted, at a certain + cabaret, in the middle of this paradise, where the forbidden fruits + are certain trifling tarts, newts' tongues, spacious meats, and bad + Rhenish, for which the gallants pay sauce, as indeed they do at all + such houses throughout England; for they think it a piece of + frugality beneath them to bargain or account for what they eat in + any place, however unreasonably imposed upon.''-Character of + England, 12mo., 1659, p. 56, written, it is said, by John Evelyn, + Esq. Spring Garden is the scene of intrigue in many of our comedies + of this period.] + +Howard possessed but little raillery, and still less patience; three +times was the banquet on the point of being stained with blood; but three +times did he suppress his natural impetuosity, in order to satisfy his +resentment elsewhere with greater freedom. + +Jermyn, without paying the least attention to his ill-humour, pursued his +point, continued talking to Lady Shrewsbury, and did not leave her until +the repast was ended. + +He went to bed, proud of this triumph, and was awakened next morning by a +challenge. He took for his second Giles Rawlings, a man of intrigue, and +a deep player. Howard took Dillon, who was dexterous and brave, much of +a gentleman, and, unfortunately, an intimate friend to Rawlings. + +In this duel fortune did not side with the votaries of love poor Rawlings +was left stone dead; and Jermyn, having received three wounds, was +carried to his uncle's, with very little signs of life. + +While the report of this event engaged the courtiers according to their +several interests, the Chevalier de Grammont was informed by Jones, his +friend, his confidant, and his rival, that there was another gentleman +very attentive to Mrs. Middleton: this was Montagu, no very dangerous +rival on account of his person, but very much to be feared for his +assiduity, the acuteness of his wit, and for some other talents which are +of importance, when a man is once permitted to display them. + +There needed not half so much to bring into action all the Chevalier's +vivacity, in point of competition: vexation awakened in him whatever +expedients the desire of revenge, malice, and experience, could suggest, +for troubling the designs of a rival, and tormenting a mistress. His +first intention was to return her letters, and demand his presents, +before he began to tease her; but, rejecting this project, as too weak a +revenge for the injustice done him, he was upon the point of conspiring +the destruction of poor Mrs. Middleton, when, by accident, he met with +Miss Hamilton. From this moment ended all his resentment against Mrs. +Middleton, and all his attachment to Miss Warmestre: no longer was he +inconstant: no longer were his wishes fluctuating: this object fixed them +all; and, of all his former habits, none remained, except uneasiness and +jealousy. + +Here his first care was to please; but he very plainly saw, that to +succeed he must act quite in a different manner to that which he had been +accustomed to. + +The family of the Hamiltons, being very numerous, lived in a large and +commodious house, near the court: the Duke of Ormond's family was +continually with them; and here persons of the greatest distinction in +London, constantly met: the Chevalier de Grammont was here received in a +manner agreeable to his merit and quality, and was astonished that he had +spent so much time in other places; for, after having made this +acquaintance, he was desirous of no other. + +All the world agreed that Miss Hamilton was worthy of the most ardent and +sincere affection: nobody could boast a nobler birth, nothing was more +charming than her person. + + [Elizabeth, sister of the author of these Memoirs, and daughter of + Sir George Hamilton, fourth son of James, the first Earl of + Abercorn, by Mary, third daughter of Thomas, Viscount Thurles, + eldest son of Walter, eleventh Earl of Ormond, and sister to James, + the first Duke of Ormond. She married Philibert, Count of Grammont, + the hero of these Memoirs, by whom she had two daughters: Claude + Charlotte, married, 3rd April, 1694, to Henry, Earl of Stafford; and + another, who became superior, or abbess, of the Canonesses in + Lorraine.] + + + + + CHAPTER SEVENTH. + + HE FALLS IN LOVE WITH MISS HAMILTON--VARIOUS ADVENTURES + AT THE BALL IN THE QUEEN'S DRAWING-ROOM--CURIOUS VOYAGE + OF HIS VALET-DE-CHAMBRE TO AND FROM PARIS. + + +The Chevalier de Grammont, never satisfied in his amours, was fortunate +without being beloved, and became jealous without having an attachment. + +Mrs. Middleton, as we have said, was going to experience what methods he +could invent to torment, after having experienced his powers of pleasing. + +He went in search of her to the queen's drawing-room, where there was a +ball; there she was; but fortunately for her, Miss Hamilton was there +likewise. It had so happened, that of all the beautiful women at Court, +this was the lady whom he had least seen, and whom he had heard most +commended; this, therefore, was the first time that he had a close view +of her, and he soon found that he had seen nothing at court before this +instant; he asked her some questions, to which she replied; as long as +she was dancing, his eyes were fixed upon her; and from this time he no +longer resented Mrs. Middleton's conduct. Miss Hamilton was at the happy +age when the charms of the fair sex begin to bloom; she had the finest +shape, the loveliest neck, and most beautiful arms in the world; she was +majestic and graceful in all her movements; and she was the original +after which all the ladies copied in their taste and air of dress. Her +forehead was open, white, and smooth; her hair was well set, and fell +with ease into that natural order which it is so difficult to imitate. +Her complexion was possessed of a certain freshness, not to be equalled +by borrowed colours: her eyes were not large, but they were lively, and +capable of expressing whatever she pleased: her mouth was full of graces, +and her contour uncommonly perfect; nor was her nose, which was small, +delicate, and turned up, the least ornament of so lovely a face. In +fine, her air, her carriage, and the numberless graces dispersed over her +whole person, made the Chevalier de Grammont not doubt but that she was +possessed of every other qualification. Her mind was a proper companion +for such a form: she did not endeavour to shine in conversation by those +sprightly sallies which only puzzle; and with still greater care she +avoided that affected solemnity in her discourse, which produces +stupidity; but, without any eagerness to talk, she just said what she +ought, and no more. She had an admirable discernment in distinguishing +between solid and false wit; and far from making an ostentatious display +of her abilities, she was reserved, though very just in her decisions: +her sentiments were always noble, and even lofty to the highest extent, +when there was occasion; nevertheless, she was less prepossessed with her +own merit than is usually the case with those who have so much. Formed, +as we have described, she could not fail of commanding love; but so far +was she from courting it, that she was scrupulously nice with respect to +those whose merit might entitle them to form any pretensions to her. + +The more the Chevalier de Grammont was convinced of these truths, +the more did he endeavour to please and engage her in his turn: his +entertaining wit, his conversation, lively, easy, and always +distinguished by novelty, constantly gained him attention; but he was +much embarrassed to find that presents, which so easily made their way in +his former method of courtship, were no longer proper in the mode which, +for the future, he was obliged to pursue. + +He had an old valet-de-chambre, called Termes, a bold thief, and a still +more impudent liar: he used to send this man from London every week, on +the commissions we have before mentioned; but after the disgrace of Mrs. +Middleton, and the adventure of Miss Warmestre, Mr. Termes was only +employed in bringing his master's clothes from Paris, and he did not +always acquit himself with the greatest fidelity in that employment, as +will appear hereafter. + +The queen was a woman of sense, and used all her endeavours to please the +king, by that kind obliging behaviour which her affection made natural to +her: she was particularly attentive in promoting every sort of pleasure +and amusement especially such as she could be present at herself. + +She had contrived, for this purpose, a splendid masquerade, where those, +whom she appointed to dance, had to represent different nations; she +allowed some time for preparation, during which we may suppose, the +tailors, the mantua makers, and embroiderers, were not idle: nor were the +beauties, who were to be there, less anxiously employed; however, Miss +Hamilton found time enough to invent two or three little tricks, in a +conjuncture so favourable, for turning into ridicule the vain fools of +the court. There were two who were very eminently such: the one was Lady +Muskerry, who had married her cousin-german; and the other a maid of +honour to the Duchess, called Blague. + +The first, whose husband most assuredly never married her for beauty, +was made like the generality of rich heiresses, to whom just nature seems +sparing of her gifts, in proportion as they are loaded with those of +fortune: she had the shape of a woman big with child, without being so; +but had a very good reason for limping; for, of two legs uncommonly +short, one was much shorter than the other. A face suitable to this +description gave the finishing stroke to this disagreeable figure. + +Miss Blague was another species of ridicule: her shape was neither good +nor bad: her countenance bore the appearance of the greatest insipidity, +and her complexion was the same all over; with two little hollow eyes, +adorned with white eye-lashes, as long as one's finger. With these +attractions she placed herself in ambuscade to surprise unwary hearts; +but she might have done so in vain, had it not been for the arrival of +the Marquis de Brisacier. Heaven seemed to have made them for each +other: he had in his person and manners every requisite to dazzle a +creature of her character he talked eternally, without saying anything, +and in his dress exceeded the most extravagant fashions. Miss Blague +believed that all this finery was on her account; and the Marquis +believed that her long eyelashes had never taken aim at any but himself: +everybody perceived their inclination for each other; but they had only +conversed by mute interpreters, when Miss Hamilton took it into her head +to intermeddle in their affairs. + +She was willing to do everything in order, and therefore began with her +cousin Muskerry, on account of her rank. Her two darling foibles were +dress and dancing. Magnificence of dress was intolerable with her +figure; and though her dancing was still more insupportable, she never +missed a ball at court: and the queen had so much complaisance for the +public, as always to make her dance; but it was impossible to give her a +part in an entertainment so important and splendid as this masquerade: +however, she was dying with impatience for the orders she expected. + +It was in consequence of this impatience, of which Miss Hamilton was +informed, that she founded the design of diverting herself at the expense +of this silly woman. The queen sent notes to those whom she appointed to +be present, and described the manner in which they were to be dressed. +Miss Hamilton wrote a note exactly in the same manner to Lady Muskerry, +with directions for her to be dressed in the Babylonian fashion. + +She assembled her counsel to advise about the means of sending it: this +cabinet was composed of one of her brothers and a sister, who were glad +to divert themselves at the expense of those who deserved it. After +having consulted some time, they at last resolved upon a mode of +conveying it into her own hands. Lord Muskerry was just going out, when +she received it: he was a man of honour, rather serious, very severe, and +a mortal enemy to ridicule. His wife's deformity was not so intolerable +to him, as the ridiculous figure she made upon all occasions. He thought +that he was safe in the present case, not believing that the queen would +spoil her masquerade by naming Lady Muskerry as one of the dancers +nevertheless, as he was acquainted with the passion his wife had to +expose herself in public, by her dress and dancing, he had just been +advising her very seriously to content herself with being a spectator +of this entertainment, even though the queen should have the cruelty +to engage her in it: he then took the liberty to show her what little +similarity there was between her figure, and that of persons to whom +dancing and magnificence in dress were allowable. His sermon concluded +at last, by an express prohibition to solicit a place at this +entertainment, which they had no thoughts of giving her; but far from +taking his advice in good part, she imagined that he was the only person +who had prevented the queen from doing her an honour she so ardently +desired; and as soon as he was gone out, her design was to go and throw +herself at her Majesty's feet to demand justice. She was in this very +disposition when she received the billet: three times did she kiss it; +and without regarding her husband's injunctions, she immediately got into +her coach in order to get information of the merchants who traded to the +Levant, in what manner the ladies of quality dressed in Babylon. + +The plot laid for Miss Blague was of a different kind: she had such faith +in her charms, and was so confident of their effects, that she could +believe anything. Brisacier, whom she looked upon as desperately +smitten, had wit, which he set off with common-place talk, and with +little sonnets: he sung out of tune most methodically, and was +continually exerting one or other of these happy talents: the Duke of +Buckingham did all he could to spoil him, by the praises he bestowed both +upon his voice and upon his wit. + +Miss Blague, who hardly understood a word of French, regulated herself +upon the Duke's authority, in admiring the one and the other. It was +remarked, that all the words which he sung to her were in praise of fair +women, and that always taking this to herself, she cast down her eyes in +acknowledgment and consciousness. It was upon these observations they +resolved to make a jest of her, the first opportunity. + +While these little projects were forming, the king, who always wished to +oblige the Chevalier de Grammont, asked him, if he would make one at the +masquerade, on condition of being Miss Hamilton's partner? He did not +pretend to dance sufficiently well for an occasion like the present; yet +he was far from refusing the offer: "Sire," said he, "of all the favours +you have been pleased to show me, since my arrival, I feel this more +sensibly than any other; and to convince you of my gratitude, I promise +you all the good offices in my power with Miss Stewart." He said this, +because they had just given her an apartment separate from the rest of +the maids of honour, which made the courtiers begin to pay respect to +her. The king was very well pleased at this pleasantry, and having +thanked him for so necessary an offer: "Monsieur le Chevalier," said he, +"in what style do you intend to dress yourself for the ball? I leave you +the choice of all countries." "If so," said the Chevalier, "I will dress +after the French manner, in order to disguise myself; for they already do +me the honour to take me for an Englishman in your city of London. Had +it not been for this, I should have wished to have appeared as a Roman; +but for fear of embroiling myself with Prince Rupert, who so warmly +espouses the interests of Alexander against Lord Thanet, who declares +himself for Caesar, I dare no longer think of assuming the hero: +nevertheless, though I may dance awkwardly, yet, by observing the tune, +and with a little alertness, I hope to come off pretty well; besides, +Miss Hamilton will take care that too much attention shall not be paid to +me. As for my dress, I shall send Termes off tomorrow morning; and if I +do not show you at his return the most splendid habit you have ever seen, +look upon mine as the most disgraced nation in your masquerade." + +Termes set out with ample instructions, on the subject of his journey: +and his master, redoubling his impatience on an occasion like the +present, before the courier could be landed, began to count the minutes +in expectation of his return: thus was he employed until the very eve of +the ball; and that was the day that Miss Hamilton and her little society +had fixed for the execution of their project. + +Martial gloves were then very much in fashion: she had by chance several +pairs of them: she sent one to Miss Blague, accompanied with four yards +of yellow riband, the palest she could find, to which she added this +note: + +"You were the other day more charming than all the fair women in the +world: you looked yesterday still more fair than you did the day before: +if you go on, what will become of my heart? But it is a long time since +that has been a prey to your pretty little young wild boar's eyes. Shall +you be at the masquerade to-morrow? But can there be any charms at an +entertainment, at which you are not present? It does not signify: I +shall know you in whatever disguise you may be: but I shall be better +informed of my fate, by the present I send you: you will wear knots of +this riband in your hair; and these gloves will kiss the most beautiful +hands in the universe." + +This billet, with the present, was delivered to Miss Blague with the same +success as the other had been conveyed to Lady Muskerry. Miss Hamilton +had just received an account of it, when the latter came to pay her a +visit: something seemed to possess her thoughts very much; when, having +stayed some time, her cousin desired her to walk into her cabinet. As +soon as they were there: "I desire your secrecy for what I am going to +tell you," said Lady Muskerry. "Do not you wonder what strange creatures +men are? Do not trust to them, my dear cousin: my Lord Muskerry, who, +before our marriage, could have passed whole days and nights in seeing me +dance, thinks proper now to forbid me dancing, and says it does not +become me. This is not all: he has so often rung in my ears the subject +of this masquerade, that I am obliged to hide from him the honour the +queen has done me, in inviting me to it. However, I am surprised I am +not informed who is to be my partner: but if you knew what a plague it +is, to find out, in this cursed town, in what manner the people of +Babylon dress, you would pity me for what I have suffered since the time +I have been appointed: besides, the cost which it puts me to is beyond +all imagination." + +Here it was that Miss Hamilton's inclination to laugh, which had +increased in proportion as she endeavoured to suppress it, at length +overcame her, and broke out in an immoderate fit: Lady Muskerry took it +in good humour, not doubting but it was the fantastical conduct of her +husband that she was laughing at. Miss Hamilton told her that all +husbands were much the same, and that one ought not to be concerned at +their whims; that she did not know who was to be her partner at the +masquerade; but that, as she was named, the gentleman named with her +would certainly not fail to attend her; although she could not comprehend +why he had not yet declared himself, unless he likewise had some +fantastical spouse, who had forbid him to dance. + +This conversation being finished, Lady Muskerry went away in great haste, +to endeavour to learn some news of her partner. Those who were +accomplices in the plot were laughing very heartily at this visit, when +Lord Muskerry paid them one in his turn, and taking Miss Hamilton aside: +"Do you know," said he, "whether there is to be any ball in the city +tomorrow?" "No," said she; "but why do you ask?" "Because." said he, +"I am informed that my wife is making great preparations of dress. I +know very well she is not to be at the masquerade: that I have taken care +of; but as the devil is in her for dancing, I am very much afraid that +she will be affording some fresh subject for ridicule, notwithstanding +all my precautions: however, if it was amongst the citizens, at some +private party, I should not much mind it." + +They satisfied him as well as they could, and having dismissed him, under +pretence of a thousand things they had to prepare for the next day, Miss +Hamilton thought herself at liberty for that morning, when in came Miss +Price, one of the maids of honour to the Duchess. This was just what she +was wishing for: This lady and Miss Blague had been at variance some +time, on account of Duncan, whom Miss Price had drawn away from the +other; and hatred still subsisted between these two divinities. + +Though the maids of honour were not nominated for the masquerade, yet +they were to assist at it; and, consequently, were to neglect nothing to +set themselves off to advantage. Miss Hamilton had still another pair of +gloves of the same sort as those she had sent to Miss Blague, which she +made a present of to her rival, with a few knots of the same riband, +which appeared to have been made on purpose for her, brown as she was. +Miss Price returned her a thousand thanks, and promised to do herself the +honour of wearing them at the ball. "You will oblige me if you do," said +Miss Hamilton, "but if you mention that such a trifle as this comes from +me, I shall never forgive you; but," continued she, "do not go and rob +poor Miss Blague of the Marquis Brisacier, as you already have of Duncan: +I know very well that it is wholly in your power: you have wit: you speak +French: and were he once to converse with you ever so little the other +could have no pretensions to him." This was enough: Miss Blague was only +ridiculous and coquettish: Miss Price was ridiculous, coquettish, and +something else besides. + +The day being come, the court, more splendid than ever, exhibited all its +magnificence at this masquerade. The company were all met except the +Chevalier de Grammont: every body was astonished that he should be one +of the last at such a time, as his readiness was so remarkable on every +occasion; but they were still more surprised to see him at length appear +in an ordinary court-dress, which he had worn before. The thing was +preposterous on such an occasion, and very extraordinary with respect to +him: in vain had he the finest point-lace, with the largest and best +powdered peruke imaginable his dress, magnificent enough for any other +purpose, was not at all proper for this entertainment. + +The king immediately took notice of it: "Chevalier," said he, "Termes is +not arrived then?" "Pardon me, sire," said he, "God be thanked!" "Why +God be thanked?" said the king; "has anything happened to him on the +road?" "Sire," said the Chevalier de Grammont, "this is the history of +my dress, and of Termes, my messenger." At these words the ball, ready +to begin, was suspended: the dancers making a circle around the Chevalier +de Grammont, he continued his story in the following manner: + +"It is now two days since this fellow ought to have been here, according +to my orders and his protestations: you may judge of my impatience all +this day, when I found he did not come: at last, after I had heartily +cursed him, about an hour ago he arrived, splashed all over from head to +foot, booted up to the waist, and looking as if he had been +excommunicated 'Very well, Mr. Scoundrel,' said I, 'this is just like +you, you must be waited for to the very last minute, and it is a miracle +that you are arrived at all.' 'Yes, faith,' said he, 'it is a miracle. +You are always grumbling: I had the finest suit in the world made for +you, which the Duke de Guise himself was at the trouble of ordering.' +'Give it me then, scoundrel,' said I. 'Sir,' said he, 'if I did not +employ a dozen embroiderers upon it, who did nothing but work day and +night, I am a rascal: I never left them one moment: 'And where is it +traitor?' said I: 'do not stand here prating, while I should be +dressing.' 'I had,' continued he, 'packed it up, made it tight, and +folded it in such a manner, that all the rain in the world could never +have been able to reach it; and I rid post, day and night, knowing your +impatience, and that you were not to be trifled with.' 'But where is +it?' said I. 'Lost, sir,' said he, clasping his hands. 'How! lost,' +said I, in surprise. 'Yes, lost, perished, swallowed up: what can I say +more?' 'What! was the packet-boat cast away then?' said I. 'Oh! +indeed, sir, a great deal worse, as you shall see,' answered he: 'I was +within half a league of Calais yesterday morning, and I was resolved to +go by the sea-side, to make greater haste; but, indeed, they say very +true, that nothing is like the highway; for I got into a quicksand, where +I sunk up to the chin.' 'A quicksand,' said I, 'near Calais?' 'Yes, +sir,' said he, 'and such a quicksand that, the devil take me, if they saw +anything but the top of my head when they pulled me out: as for my horse, +fifteen men could scarce get him out; but the portmanteau, where I had +unfortunately put your clothes, could never be found: it must be at least +a league under ground.' + +"This, sire," continued the Chevalier de Grammont, "is the adventure, and +the relation which this honest gentleman has given me of it. I should +certainly have killed him, but I was afraid of making Miss Hamilton wait, +and I was desirous of giving your Majesty immediate advice of the +quicksand, that your couriers may take care to avoid it." + +The King was ready to split his sides with laughing, when the Chevalier +de Grammont, resuming the discourse, "apropos, sire," said he, "I had +forgot to tell you, that, to increase my ill-humour, I was stopped, as I +was getting out of my chair, by the devil of a phantom in masquerade, who +would by all means persuade me that the queen had commanded me to dance +with her; and as I excused myself with the least rudeness possible, she +charged me to find out who was to be her partner, and desired me to send +him to her immediately so that your Majesty will do well to give orders +about it; for she has placed herself in ambush in a coach, to seize upon +all those who pass through Whitehall. However, I must tell you, that it +is worth while to see her dress; for she must have at least sixty ells of +gauze and silver tissue about her, not to mention a sort of a pyramid +upon her head, adorned with a hundred thousand baubles." + +This last account surprised all the assembly, except those who had a +share in the plot. The queen assured them, that all she had appointed +for the ball were present; and the king, having paused some minutes: +"I bet," said he, "that it is the Duchess of Newcastle." "And I," said +Lord Muskerry, coming up to Miss Hamilton, "will bet it is another fool; +for I am very much mistaken if it is not my wife." + +The king was for sending to know who it was, and to bring her in: Lord +Muskerry offered himself for that service, for the reason already +mentioned; and it was very well he did so. Miss Hamilton was not sorry +for this, knowing very well that he was not mistaken in his conjecture; +the jest would have gone much farther than she intended, if the Princess +of Babylon had appeared in all her glory. + +The ball was not very well executed, if one maybe allowed the expression, +so long as they danced only slow dances; and yet there were as good +dancers, and as beautiful women in this assembly, as were to be found in +the whole world: but as their number was not great, they left the French, +and went to country dances. When they had danced some time, the king +thought fit to introduce his auxiliaries, to give the others a little +respite; the queen's and the duchess's maids of honour were therefore +called in to dance with the gentlemen. + +Then it was that they were at leisure to take notice of Miss Blague, and +they found that the billet they had conveyed to her on the part of +Brisacier had its effect: she was more yellow than saffron: her hair was +stuffed with the citron-coloured riband, which she had put there out of +complaisance; and, to inform Brisacier of his fate, she raised often to +her head her victorious hands, adorned with the gloves we have before +mentioned: but, if they were surprised to see her in a head-dress that +made her look more wan than ever, she was very differently surprised to +see Miss Price partake with her in every particular of Brisacier's +present: her surprise soon turned to jealousy; for her rival had not +failed to join in conversation with him, on account of what had been +insinuated to her the evening before; nor did Brisacier fail to return +her first advances, without paying the least attention to the fair +Blague, nor to the signs which she was tormenting herself to make him, +to inform him of his happy destiny. + +Miss Price was short and thick, and consequently no dancer, the Duke of +Buckingham, who brought Brisacier forward as often as he could, came to +desire him, on the part of the king, to dance with Miss Blague, without +knowing what was then passing in this nymph's heart: Brisacier excused +himself, on account of the contempt that he had for country dances: Miss +Blague thought that it was herself that he despised; and, seeing that he +was engaged in conversation with her mortal enemy, she began to dance, +without knowing what she was doing. Though her indignation and jealousy +were sufficiently remarkable to divert the court, none but Miss Hamilton +and her accomplices, understood the joke perfectly: their pleasure was +quite complete; for Lord Muskerry returned, still more confounded at the +vision, of which the Chevalier de Grammont had given the description. He +acquainted Miss Hamilton, that it was Lady Muskerry herself, a thousand +times more ridiculous than she had ever been before, and that he had had +an immense trouble to get her home, and place a sentry at her chamber +door. + +The reader may think, perhaps, that we have dwelt too long on these +trifling incidents; perhaps he may be right. We will therefore pass to +others. + +Everything favoured the Chevalier de Grammont in the new passion which he +entertained: he was not, however, without rivals; but, what is a great +deal more extraordinary, he was without uneasiness: he was acquainted +with their understandings, and no stranger to Miss Hamilton's way of +thinking. + +Among her lovers, the most considerable, though the least professedly so, +was the Duke of York: it was in vain for him to conceal it, the court was +too well acquainted with his character to doubt of his inclinations for +her. He did not think it proper to declare such sentiments as were not +fit for Miss Hamilton to hear; but he talked to her as much as he could, +and ogled her with great assiduity. As hunting was his favourite +diversion, that sport employed him one part of the day, and he came home +generally much fatigued; but Miss Hamilton's presence revived him, when +he found her either with the queen or the duchess. There it was that, +not daring to tell her of what lay heavy on his heart, he entertained her +with what he had in his head: telling her miracles of the cunning of +foxes and the mettle of horses; giving her accounts of broken legs and +arms, dislocated shoulders, and other curious and entertaining +adventures; after which, his eyes told her the rest, till such time as +sleep interrupted their conversation; for these tender interpreters could +not help sometimes composing themselves in the midst of their ogling. + +The duchess was not at all alarmed at a passion which her rival was far +from thinking sincere, and with which she used to divert herself, as far +as respect would admit her; on the contrary, as her highness had an +affection and esteem for Miss Hamilton, she never treated her more +graciously than on the present occasion. + +The two Russells, uncle and nephew,--were two other of the Chevalier de +Grammont's rivals: the uncle was full seventy, and had distinguished +himself by his courage and fidelity in the civil wars. His passions and +intentions, with regard to Miss Hamilton, appeared both at once; but his +magnificence only appeared by halves in those gallantries which love +inspires. It was not long since the fashion of high crowned hats had +been left off, in order to fall into the other extreme. Old Russell, +amazed at so terrible a change, resolved to keep a medium, which made him +remarkable: he was still more so, by his constancy for cut doublets, +which he supported a long time after they had been universally +suppressed; but, what was more surprising than all, was a certain mixture +of avarice and liberality, constantly at war with each other, ever since +he had entered the list with love. + +His nephew was only of a younger brother's family, but was considered as +his uncle's heir; and though he was under the necessity of attending to +his uncle for an establishment, and still more so of humouring him, in +order to get his estate, he could not avoid his fate. Mrs. Middleton +showed him a sufficient degree of preference; but her favours could not +secure him from the charms of Miss Hamilton: his person would have had +nothing disagreeable in it, if he had but left it to nature; but he was +formal in all his actions, and silent even to stupidity; and yet rather +more tiresome when he did speak. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, very much at his ease in all these +competitions, engaged himself more and more in his passion, without +forming other designs, or conceiving other hopes, than to render himself +agreeable. Though his passion was openly declared, no person at court +regarded it otherwise than as a habit of gallantry, which goes no farther +than to do justice to merit. + +His monitor, Saint Evremond, was quite of a different opinion; and +finding, that, besides an immense increase of magnificence and assiduity, +he regretted those hours which he bestowed on play; that he no longer +sought after those long and agreeable conversations they used to have +together; and that this new attachment everywhere robbed him of himself: + +"Monsieur le Chevalier," said he, "methinks that for some time you have +left the town beauties and their lovers in perfect repose: Mrs. Middleton +makes fresh conquests with impunity, and wears your presents, under your +nose, without your taking the smallest notice. Poor Miss Warmestre has +been very quietly brought to bed in the midst of the court, without your +having even said a word about it. I foresaw it plain enough, Monsieur le +Chevalier, you have got acquainted with Miss Hamilton, and, what has +never before happened to you, you are really in love; but let us consider +a little what may be the consequence. In the first place, then, I +believe, you have not the least intention of seducing her: such is her +birth and merit, that if you were in possession of the estate and title +of your family, it might be excusable in you to offer yourself upon +honourable terms, however ridiculous marriage may be in general; for, if +you only wish for wit, prudence, and the treasures of beauty, you could +not pay your addresses to a more proper person: but for you, who possess +only a very moderate share of those of fortune, you cannot pay your +addresses more improperly. + +"For your brother Toulongeon, whose disposition I am acquainted with, will +not have the complaisance to die, to favour your pretensions: but suppose +you had a competent fortune for you both--and that is supposing a good +deal--are you acquainted with the delicacy, not to say capriciousness, of +this fair one about such an engagement? Do you know that she has had the +choice of the best matches in England? The Duke of Richmond paid his +addresses to her first; but though he was in love with her, still he was +mercenary: however, the king, observing that want of fortune was the only +impediment to the match, took that article upon himself, out of regard to +the Duke of Ormond, to the merit and birth of Miss Hamilton, and to her +father's services; but, resenting that a man, who pretended to be in +love, should bargain like a merchant, and likewise reflecting upon his +character in the world, she did not think that being Duchess of Richmond +was a sufficient recompense for the danger that was to be feared from a +brute and a debauchee. + +"Has not little Jermyn, notwithstanding his uncle's great estate, and his +own brilliant reputation, failed in his suit to her? And has she ever so +much as vouchsafed to look at Henry Howard, who is upon the point of +being the first duke in England, and who is already in actual possession +of all the estates of the house of Norfolk? I confess that he is a +clown, but what other lady in all England would not have dispensed with +his stupidity and his disagreeable person, to be the first duchess in the +kingdom, with twenty-five thousand a year? + +"To conclude, Lord Falmouth has told me himself, that he has always +looked upon her as the only acquisition wanting to complete his +happiness: but, that even at the height of the splendour of his fortune, +he never had had the assurance to open his sentiments to her; that he +either felt in himself too much weakness, or too much pride, to be +satisfied with obtaining her solely by the persuasion of her relations; +and that, though the first refusals of the fair on such occasions are not +much minded, he knew with what an air she had received the addresses of +those whose persons she did not like. After this, Monsieur le Chevalier, +consider what method you intend to pursue: for, if you are in love, the +passion will still increase, and the greater the attachment, the less +capable will you be of making those serious reflections that are now in +your power." + +"My poor philosopher," answered the Chevalier de Grammont, "you +understand Latin very well, you can make good verses, you understand the +course, and are acquainted with the nature of the stars in the firmament; +but, as for the luminaries of the terrestrial globe, you are utterly +unacquainted with them: you have told me nothing about Miss Hamilton, but +what the king told me three days ago. That she has refused the savages +you have mentioned is all in her favour if she had admitted their +addresses, I would have had nothing to say to her, though I love her +to distraction. Attend now to what I am going to say: I am resolved +to marry her, and I will have my tutor Saint Evremond himself to be the +first man to commend me for it. As for an establishment, I shall make my +peace with the king, and will solicit him to make her one of the ladies +of the bed-chamber to the queen: this he will grant me. Toulongeon will +die, without my assistance. + + [Count de Toulongeon was elder brother to Count Grammont, who, by + his death, in 1679, became, according to St. Evremond, on that + event, one of the richest noblemen at court.--See St. Evremond's + Works. vol. ii., p. 327.] + +"Notwithstanding all his care; Miss Hamilton will have Semeat,--[A country +seat belonging to the family of the Grammonts.]--with the Chevalier de +Grammont, as an indemnification for the Norfolks and Richmonds. Now, +have you any thing to advance against this project? For I will bet you +an hundred louis, that everything will happen as I have foretold it." + +At this time the king's attachment to Miss Stewart was so public, that +every person perceived, that if she was but possessed of art, she might +become as absolute a mistress over his conduct as she was over his heart. +This was a fine opportunity for those who had experience and ambition. +The Duke of Buckingham formed the design of governing her, in order to +ingratiate himself with the king: God knows what a governor he would have +been, and what a head he was possessed of, to guide another; however, +he was the properest man in the world to insinuate himself with Miss +Stewart: she was childish in her behaviour, and laughed at everything, +and her taste for frivolous amusements, though unaffected, was only +allowable in a girl about twelve or thirteen years old. A child, +however, she was, in every other respect, except playing with a doll: +blind man's buff was her most favourite amusement: she was building +castles of cards, while the deepest play was going on in her apartments, +where you saw her surrounded by eager courtiers, who handed her the +cards, or young architects, who endeavoured to imitate her. + +She had, however, a passion for music, and had some taste for singing. +The Duke of Buckingham, who built the finest towers of cards imaginable, +had an agreeable voice: she had no aversion to scandal: and the duke was +both the father and the mother of scandal, he made songs, and invented +old women's stories, with which she was delighted; but his particular +talent consisted in turning into ridicule whatever was ridiculous in +other people, and in taking them off, even in their presence, without +their perceiving it: in short, he knew how to act all parts with so much +grace and pleasantry, that it was difficult to do without him, when he +had a mind to make himself agreeable; and he made himself so necessary to +Miss Stewart's amusement, that she sent all over the town to seek for +him, when he did not attend the king to her apartments. + +He was extremely handsome, and still thought himself much more so than he +really was: although he had a great deal of discernment, yet his vanity +made him mistake some civilities as intended for his person, which were +only bestowed on his wit and drollery: in short, being seduced by too +good an opinion of his own merit, he forgot his first project and his +Portuguese mistress, in order to pursue a fancy in which he mistook +himself; for he no sooner began to act a serious part with Miss Stewart, +than he met with so severe a repulse that he abandoned, at once, all his +designs upon her: however, the familiarity she had procured him with the +king, opened the way to those favours to which he was afterwards +advanced. + + [George Villiers, the second Duke of Buckingham, was born 30th + January, 1627. Lord Orford observes, "When this extraordinary man, + with the figure and genius of Alcibiades, could equally charm the + presbyterian Fairfax and the dissolute Charles; when he alike + ridiculed that witty king and his solemn chancellor: when he plotted + the ruin of his country with a cabal of bad ministers, or, equally + unprincipled, supported its cause with bad patriots,--one laments + that such parts should have been devoid of every virtue: but when + Alcibiades turns chemist; when he is a real bubble and a visionary + miser; when ambition is but a frolic; when the worst designs are for + the foolishest ends,--contempt extinguishes all reflection on his + character."] + +Lord Arlington took up the project which the Duke of Buckingham had +abandoned, and endeavoured to gain possession of the mind of the +mistress, in order to govern the master. A man of greater merit and +higher birth than himself might, however, have been satisfied with the +fortune he had already acquired. His first negotiations were during the +treaty of the Pyrenees: and though he was unsuccessful in his proceedings +for his employer, yet he did not altogether lose his time; for he +perfectly acquired, in his exterior, the serious air and profound gravity +of the Spaniards, and imitated pretty well their tardiness in business: +he had a scar across his nose, which was covered by a long patch, or +rather by a small plaister, in form of a lozenge. + +Scars in the face commonly give a man a certain fierce and martial air, +which sets him off to advantage; but it was quite the contrary with him, +and this remarkable plaister so well suited his mysterious looks, that it +seemed an addition to his gravity and self-sufficiency. + +Arlington, under the mask of this compound countenance where great +earnestness passed for business, and impenetrable stupidity for secrecy, +had given himself the character of a great politician; and no one having +leisure to examine him, he was taken at his word, and had been made +minister and secretary of state, upon the credit of his own importance. + +His ambition soaring still above these high stations, after having +provided himself with a great number of fine maxims, and some historical +anecdotes, he obtained an audience of Miss Stewart, in order to display +them; at the same time offering her his most humble services, and best +advice, to assist her in conducting herself in the situation to which it +had pleased God and her virtue to raise her. But he was only in the +preface of his speech, when she recollected that he was at the head of +those whom the Duke of Buckingham used to mimic; and as his presence and +his language exactly revived the ridiculous ideas that had been given her +of him, she could not forbear bursting out into a fit of laughter in his +face, so much the more violent as she had for a long time struggled to +suppress it. + +The minister was enraged: his pride became his post, and his punctilious +behaviour merited all the ridicule which could be attached to it: he +quitted her abruptly, with all the fine advice he had prepared for her, +and was almost tempted to carry it to Lady Castlemaine, and to unite +himself with her interests; or immediately to quit the court party, and +declaim freely in parliament against the grievances of the state, and +particularly to propose an act to forbid the keeping of mistresses; but +his prudence conquered his resentments; and thinking only how to enjoy +with pleasure the blessings of fortune, he sent to Holland for a wife, +in order to complete his felicity. + +Hamilton was, of all the courtiers, the best qualified to succeed in +an enterprise, in which the Duke of Buckingham and Lord Arlington had +miscarried: he was thinking upon it; but his natural coquetry traversed +his intentions, and made him neglect the most advantageous prospects in +the world, in order unnecessarily to attend to the advances and +allurements thrown out to him by the Countess of Chesterfield. This was +one of the most agreeable women in the world: she had a most exquisite +shape, though she was not very tall; her complexion was extremely fair, +with all the expressive charms of a brunette; she had large blue eyes, +very tempting and alluring; her manners were engaging; her wit lively and +amusing; but her heart, ever open to tender sentiments, was neither +scrupulous in point of constancy, nor nice in point of sincerity. She +was daughter to the Duke of Ormond, and Hamilton, being her +cousin-german, they might be as much as they pleased in each other's +company without being particular; but as soon as her eyes gave him some +encouragement, he entertained no other thoughts than how to please her, +without considering her fickleness, or the obstacles he had to encounter. + + [This lady was Isabella, daughter to Lewis de Nassau, Lord Beverwaert, + son to Maurice, Prince of Orange, and Count Nassau. By her, Lord + Arlington had an only daughter, named Isabella.] + +His intention, which we mentioned before, of establishing himself in the +confidence of Miss Stewart, no longer occupied his thoughts: she now was +of opinion that she was capable of being the mistress of her own conduct: +she had done all that was necessary to inflame the king's passions, without +exposing her virtue by granting the last favours; but the eagerness of a +passionate lover, blessed with favourable opportunities, is difficult to +withstand, and still more difficult to vanquish; and Miss Stewart's +virtue was almost exhausted, when the queen was attacked with a violent +fever, which soon reduced her to extreme danger. + +Then it was that Miss Stewart was greatly pleased with herself for the +resistance she had made, though she had paid dearly for it: a thousand +flattering hopes of greatness and glory filled her heart, and the +additional respect that was universally paid her, contributed not a +little to increase them. The queen was given over by her physicians: +the few Portuguese women that had not been sent back to their own country +filled the court with doleful cries; and the good nature of the king was +much affected with the situation in which he saw a princess, whom, though +he did not love her, yet he greatly esteemed. She loved him tenderly, +and thinking that it was the last time she should ever speak to him, she +told him, that the concern he showed for her death, was enough to make +her quit life with regret; but that not possessing charms sufficient to +merit his tenderness, she had at least the consolation in dying to give +place to a consort who might be more worthy of it, and to whom heaven, +perhaps, might grant a blessing that had been refused to her. At these +words, she bathed his hands with some tears, which he thought would be +her last: he mingled his own with hers; and without supposing she would +take him at his word, he conjured her to live for his sake. She had +never yet disobeyed him; and, however dangerous sudden impulses may be, +when one is between life and death, this transport of joy, which might +have proved fatal to her, saved her life, and the king's wonderful +tenderness had an effect, for which every person did not thank heaven in +the same manner. + +Jermyn had now for some time been recovered of his wounds: however, Lady +Castlemaine, finding his health in as deplorable a condition as ever, +resolved to regain the king's heart, but in vain: for notwithstanding the +softness of her tears, and the violence of her passions, Miss Stewart +wholly possessed it. During this period the court was variously +entertained: sometimes there were promenades, and at others the court +beauties sallied out on horseback, and to make attacks with their charms +and graces, sometimes successfully, sometimes otherwise, but always to +the best of their abilities at other seasons there were such shows on the +river, as the city of London alone can afford. + +The Thames washes the sides of a large though not a magnificent palace of +the kings of Great Britain:--[This was Whitehall, which was burnt down, +except the banqueting-house, 4th January, 1698.]--from the stairs of this +palace the court used to take water, in the summer evenings, when the +heat and dust prevented their walking in the park: an infinite number of +open boats, filled with the court and city beauties, attended the barges, +in which were the Royal Family: collations, music, and fireworks, +completed the scene. The Chevalier de Grammont always made one of the +company, and it was very seldom that he did not add something of his own +invention, agreeably to surprise by some unexpected stroke of +magnificence and gallantry. Sometimes he had complete concerts of vocal +and instrumental music, which he privately brought from Paris, and which +struck up on a sudden in the midst of these parties; sometimes he gave +banquets, which likewise came from France, and which, even in the midst +of London, surpassed the king's collations. These entertainments +sometimes exceeded, as others fell short of his expectations, but they +always cost him an immense deal of money. + +Lord Falmouth was one of those who had the greatest friendship and esteem +for the Chevalier de Grammont: this profusion gave him concern, and as he +often used to go and sup with him without ceremony, one day finding only +Saint Evremond there, and a supper fit for half a dozen guests, who had +been invited in form: "You must not," said he, addressing himself to the +Chevalier de Grammont, "be obliged to me for this visit. I come from the +king's 'coucher', where all the discourse was about you; and I can assure +you that the manner in which the king spoke of you, could not afford you +so much pleasure as I myself felt upon the occasion. You know very well, +that he has long since offered you his good offices with the King of +France; and for my own part," continued he, smiling, "you know very well +that I would solicit him so to do, if it was not through fear of losing +you as soon as your peace is made; but, thanks to Miss Hamilton, you +are in no great haste: however, I am ordered by the king, my master, +to acquaint you, that while you remain here, until you are restored to +the favour of your sovereign, he presents you with a pension of fifteen +hundred Jacobus's: it is indeed a trifle, considering the figure the +Chevalier de Grammont makes among us; but it will assist him," said he, +embracing him, "to give us sometimes a supper." + +The Chevalier de Grammont received, as he ought, the offer of a favour he +did not think proper to accept: "I acknowledge," said he, "the king's +bounty in this proposal, but I am still more sensible of Lord Falmouth's +generosity in it; and I request him to assure his Majesty of my perfect +gratitude: the king, my master, will not suffer me to want, when he +thinks fit to recall me; and while I continue here, I will let you see +that I have wherewithal to give my English friends now and then a +supper." + +At these words, he called for his strong box, and showed him seven or +eight thousand guineas in solid gold. Lord Falmouth, willing to improve +to the Chevalier's advantage the refusal of so advantageous an offer, +gave Monsieur de Comminge, then ambassador at the English court, an +account of it; nor did Monsieur de Comminge fail to represent properly +the merit of such a refusal to the French court. + +Hyde Park, every one knows, is the promenade of London! nothing was so +much in fashion, during the fine weather, as that promenade, which was +the rendezvous of magnificence and beauty: every one, therefore, who had +either sparkling eyes, or a splendid equipage, constantly repaired +thither; and the king seemed pleased with the place. + +Coaches with glasses were then a late invention. + + [Coaches were first introduced into England in the year 1564. + Taylor, the water poet, (Works, 1630, p. 240,) says,--"One William + Boonen, a Dutchman, brought first the use of coaches hither; and the + said Boonen was Queen Elizabeth's coachman; for, indeed, a coach was + a strange monster in those days, and the sight of them put both + horse and man into amazement." Dr. Percy observes, they were first + drawn by two horses, and that it was the favourite Buckingham, who, + about 1619, began to draw with six horses. About the same time, he + introduced the sedan. 'The Ultimum Vale of John Carleton', 4to, + 1663, p. 23, will, in a great measure, ascertain the time of the + introduction of glass coaches. He says, "I could wish her (i. e. + Mary Carleton's) coach (which she said my lord Taff bought for her + in England, and sent it over to her, made of the new fashion, wide + glasse, very stately; and her pages and lacquies were of the same + livery,) was come for me," &c.] + +The ladies were afraid of being shut up in them: they greatly preferred +the pleasure of showing almost their whole persons, to the conveniences +of modern coaches: that which was made for the king not being remarkable +for its elegance, the Chevalier de Grammont was of opinion that something +ingenious might be invented, which should partake of the ancient fashion, +and likewise prove preferable to the modern; he therefore sent away +Termes privately with all the necessary instructions to Paris: the Duke +of Guise was likewise charged with this commission; and the courier, +having by the favour of Providence escaped the quicksand, in a month's +time brought safely over to England the most elegant and magnificent +calash that had ever been seen, which the Chevalier presented to the +king. + +The Chevalier de Grammont had given orders that fifteen hundred louis +should be expended upon it; but the Duke of Guise, who was his friend, +to oblige him, laid out two thousand. All the court was in admiration +at the magnificence of the present; and the king, charmed with the +Chevalier's attention to everything which could afford him pleasure, +failed not to acknowledge it: he would not, however, accept a present +of so much value, but upon condition that the Chevalier should not +refuse another from him. + +The queen, imagining that so splendid a carriage might prove fortunate +for her, wished to appear in it first, with the Duchess of York. Lady +Castlemaine, who had seen them in it, thinking that it set off a fine +figure to greater advantage than any other, desired the king to lend her +this wonderful calash to appear in it the first fine day in Hyde Park: +Miss Stewart had the same wish, and requested to have it on the same day. +As it was impossible to reconcile these two goddesses, whose former union +was turned into mortal hatred, the king was very much perplexed. + +Lady Castlemaine was with child, and threatened to miscarry, if her rival +was preferred; Miss Stewart threatened, that she never would be with +child, if her request was not granted. This menace prevailed, and Lady +Castlemaine's rage was so great, that she had almost kept her word; and +it was believed that this triumph cost her rival some of her innocence. + +The queen dowager, who, though she had no share in these broils, had no +objection to them, and as usual being diverted with this circumstance, +she took occasion to joke with the Chevalier de Grammont, for having +thrown this bone of contention among such competitors; and did not fail +to give him, in the presence of the whole court, those praises which so +magnificent a present deserved: "But how comes it," said she, "that you +have no equipage yourself, though you are at so great an expense? for I +am told that you do not keep even a single footman, and that one of the +common runners in the streets lights you home with a stinking link." +"Madam," said he, "the Chevalier de Grammont hates pomp: my linkboy, of +whom you speak, is faithful to my service; and besides, he is one of the +bravest fellows in the world. Your Majesty is unacquainted with the +nation of link-boys: it is a charming one, I can assure you: a man cannot +step out in the night without being surrounded by a dozen of them. The +first time I became acquainted with them, I retained all that offered me +their services; so that when I arrived at Whitehall, I had at least two +hundred about my chair: the sight was new; for those who had seen me pass +with this illumination, asked whose funeral it was. These gentlemen, +however, began fighting about some dozen shillings I had thrown among +them then; and he whom your Majesty mentions having beaten three or four +of his companions, I retained him for his valour. As for the parade of +coaches and footmen, I despise it: I have sometimes had five or six +valets-de-chambre at once, without having a single servant in livery, +except my chaplain Poussatin." "How!" said the queen, bursting out +laughing, "a chaplain in your livery! he surely was not a priest?" +"Pardon me, madam," said he, "and the first priest in the world for +dancing the Biscayan jig." "Chevalier," said the king, "pray tell us the +history of your chaplain Poussatin." + + + + + + + MEMOIRS OF COUNT GRAMMONT, VOLUME 4. + + By Anthony Hamilton + + EDITED, WITH NOTES, BY SIR WALTER SCOTT + + + + + CHAPTER EIGHTH. + + FUNNY ADVENTURE OF THE CHAPLAIN POUSSATIN--THE STORY OF + THE SIEGE OF LERIDA--MARRIAGE OF THE DUKE OF YORK, AND + OTHER DETAILS ABOUT THE ENGLISH COURT. + + +"Sir," said the Chevalier de Grammont, "the Prince de Conde besieged +Lerida: the place in itself was nothing; but Don Gregorio Brice who +defended it, was something. He was one of those Spaniards of the old +stamp, as valiant as the Cid, as proud as all the Guzmans put together, +and more gallant than all the Abencerrages of Granada: he suffered us to +make our first approaches to the place without the least molestation. +The Marshal de Grammont, whose maxim it was, that a governor who at first +makes a great blustering, and burns his suburbs in order to make a noble +defence, generally makes a very bad one, looked upon Gregorio de Brice's +politeness as no good omen for us; but the prince, covered with glory, +and elated with the campaigns of Rocroy, Norlinguen, and Fribourg, to +insult both the place and the governor, ordered the trenches to be +mounted at noon-day by his own regiment, at the head of which marched +four-and-twenty fiddlers, as if it had been to a wedding. + +"Night approaching, we were all in high spirits: our violins were playing +soft airs, and we were comfortably regaling ourselves: God knows how we +were joking about the poor governor and his fortifications, both of which +we promised ourselves to take in less than twenty-four hours. This was +going on in the trenches, when we heard an ominous cry from the ramparts, +repeated two or three times, of, 'Alerte on the walls!' This cry was +followed by a discharge of cannon and musketry, and this discharge by a +vigorous sally, which, after having filled up the trenches, pursued us as +far as our grand guard. + +"The next day Gregorio Brice sent by a trumpet a present of ice and fruit +to the Prince de Conde, humbly beseeching his highness to excuse his not +returning the serenade which he was pleased to favour him with, as +unfortunately he had no violins; but that if the music of last night was +not disagreeable to him, he would endeavour to continue it as long as he +did him the honour to remain before the place. The Spaniard was as good +as his word; and as soon as we heard, 'Alerte on the walls,' we were sure +of a sally, that cleared our trenches, destroyed our works, and killed +the best of our officers and soldiers. The prince was so piqued at it, +that, contrary to the opinion of the general officers, he obstinately +persisted in carrying on a siege which was like to ruin his army, and +which he was at last forced to quit in a hurry. + +"As our troops were retiring, Don Gregorio, far from giving himself those +airs which governors generally do on such occasions, made no other sally, +than sending a respectful compliment to the prince. Signor Brice set out +not long after for Madrid, to give an account of his conduct, and to +receive the recompense he had merited. Your majesty perhaps will be +desirous to know what reception poor Brice met with, after having +performed the most brilliant action the Spaniards could boast of in all +the war--he was confined by the inquisition." + +"How!" said the Queen Dowager, "confined by the inquisition for his +services!" "Not altogether for his services," said the Chevalier; "but +without any regard to his services, he was treated in the manner I have +mentioned for a little affair of gallantry, which I shall relate to the +King presently. + +"The campaign of Catalonia being thus ended, we were returning home, not +overloaded with laurels; but as the Prince de Conde had laid up a great +store on former occasions, and as he had still great projects in his +head, he soon forgot this trifling misfortune: we did nothing but joke +with one another during the march, and the prince was the first to +ridicule the siege. We made some of those rhymes on Lerida, which were +sung all over France, in order to prevent others more severe; however, we +gained nothing by it, for notwithstanding we treated ourselves freely in +our own ballads, others were composed in Paris in which we were ten times +more severely handled. At last we arrived at Perpignan upon a holy-day: +a company of Catalans, who were dancing in the middle of the street, out +of respect to the prince came to dance under his windows: Monsieur +Poussatin, in a little black jacket, danced in the middle of this +company, as if he was really mad. I immediately recognized him for my +countryman, from his manner of skipping and frisking about: the prince +was charmed with his humour and activity. After the dance, I sent for +him, and inquired who he was: 'A poor priest, at your service, my lord,' +said he: 'my name is Poussatin, and Bearn is my native country: I was +going into Catalonia to serve in the infantry, for, God be praised, I can +march very well on foot; but since the war is happily concluded, if your +lordship pleases to take me into your service, I would follow you +everywhere, and serve you faithfully.' 'Monsieur Poussatin,' said I, 'my +lordship has no great occasion for a chaplain; but since you are so well +disposed towards me, I will take you into my service.' + +"The Prince de Conde, who was present at this conversation, was overjoyed +at my having a chaplain. As poor Poussatin was in a very tattered +condition, I had no time to provide him with a proper habit at Perpignan; +but giving him a spare livery of one of the Marshal de Grammont's +servants, I made him get up behind the prince's coach, who was like to +die with laughing every time he looked at poor Poussatin's uncanonical +mien in a yellow livery. + +"As soon as we arrived in Paris, the story was told to the Queen, who at +first expressed some surprise at it: this, however, did not prevent her +from wishing to see my chaplain dance; for in Spain it is not altogether +so strange to see ecclesiastics dance, as to see them in livery. + +"Poussatin performed wonders before the Queen; but as he danced with +great sprightliness, she could not bear the odour which his violent +motions diffused around her room the ladies likewise began to pray for +relief; for he had almost entirely got the better of all the perfumes and +essences with which they were fortified: Poussatin, nevertheless, retired +with a great deal of applause, and some louis d'or. + +"Some time afterwards I procured a small benefice in the country for my +chaplain, and I have since been informed that Poussatin preached with the +same ease in his village as he danced at the wedding of his +parishioners." + +The King was exceedingly diverted at Poussatin's history; and the Queen +was not much hurt at his having been put in livery: the treatment of +Gregorio Brice offended her far more; and being desirous to justify the +court of Spain, with respect to so cruel a proceeding: "Chevalier de +Grammont," said she, "what heresy did Governor Brice wish to introduce +into the state? What crime against religion was he charged with, that he +was confined in the inquisition?" "Madam," said he, "the history is not +very proper to be related before your majesty: it was a little amorous +frolic, ill-timed indeed; but poor Brice meant no harm: a school-boy +would not have been whipped for such a fault, in the most severe college +in France; as it was only for giving some proofs of his affection to a +young Spanish fair one, who had fixed her eyes upon him on a solemn +occasion." + +The King desired to know the particulars of the adventure; and the +Chevalier gratified his curiosity, as soon as the Queen and the rest of +the court were out of hearing. It was very entertaining to hear him tell +a story; but it was very disagreeable to differ with him, either in +competition, or in raillery: it is true that at that time there were few +persons at the English court who had merited his indignation: Russell was +sometimes the subject of his ridicule, but he treated him far more +tenderly than he usually did a rival. + +This Russell was one of the most furious dancers in all England, I mean, +for country dances: he had a collection of two or three hundred in print, +all of which he danced at sight; and to prove that he was not an old man, +he sometimes danced until he was almost exhausted: his mode of dancing +was like that of his clothes, for they both had been out of fashion full +twenty years. + +The Chevalier de Grammont was very sensible that he was very much in +love; but though he saw very well that it only rendered him more +ridiculous, yet he felt some concern at the information he received, +of his intention of demanding Miss Hamilton in marriage; but his concern +did not last long. Russell, being upon the point of setting out on a +journey, thought it was proper to acquaint his mistress with his +intentions before his departure. The Chevalier de Grammont was a great +obstacle to the interview, he was desirous of obtaining of her; but being +one day sent for, to go and play at Lady Castlemaine's, Russell seized +the opportunity, and addressing himself to Miss Hamilton, with less +embarrassment than is usual on such occasions, he made his declaration to +her in the following manner: "I am brother to the Earl of Bedford: I +command the regiment of guards: I have three thousand pounds a year, and +fifteen thousand in ready money: all which, madam, I come to present to +you, along with my person. One present, I agree, is not worth much +without the other, and therefore I put them together. I am advised to go +to some of the watering places for something of an asthma, which, in all +probability, cannot continue much longer, as I have had it for these last +twenty years: if you look upon me as worthy of the happiness of belonging +to you, I shall propose it to your father, to whom I did not think it +right to apply before I was acquainted with your sentiments: my nephew +William is at present entirely ignorant of my intention; but I believe he +will not be sorry for it, though he will thereby see himself deprived of +a pretty considerable estate; for he has great affection for me, and +besides, he has a pleasure in paying his respects to you since he has +perceived my attachment. I am very much pleased that he should make his +court to me, by the attention he pays to you; for he did nothing but +squander his money upon that coquet Middleton, while at present he is at +no expense, though he frequents the best company in England." + +Miss Hamilton had much difficulty to suppress her laughter during this +harangue: however, she told him that she thought herself much honoured by +his intentions towards her, and still more obliged to him for consulting +her, before he made any overtures to her relations: "It will be time +enough," said she, "to speak to them upon the subject at your return from +the waters; for I do not think it is at all probable that they will +dispose of me before that time, and in case they should be urgent in +their solicitations, your nephew William will take care to acquaint you; +therefore, you may set out whenever you think proper; but take care not +to injure your health by returning too soon." + +The Chevalier de Grammont, having heard the particulars of this +conversation, endeavoured, as well as he could, to be entertained with +it; though there were certain circumstances in the declaration, +notwithstanding the absurdity of others, which did not fail to give him +some uneasiness. Upon the whole, he was not sorry for Russell's +departure; and, assuming an air of pleasantry, he went to relate to the +king how Heaven had favoured him by delivering him from so dangerous a +rival. "He is gone then, Chevalier," said the king. "Certainly, sir," +said he; "I had the honour to see him embark in a coach, with his asthma, +and country equipage, his perruque a calotte, neatly tied with a yellow +riband, and his old-fashioned hat covered with oil skin, which becomes +him uncommonly well: therefore, I have only to contend with William +Russell, whom he leaves as his resident with Miss Hamilton; and as for +him, I neither fear him upon his own account, nor his uncle's; he is too +much in love himself to pay attention to the interests of another; and as +he has but one method of promoting his own, which is by sacrificing the +portrait, or some love-letters of Mrs. Middleton, I have it easily in my +power to counteract him in such kind of favours, though I confess I have +pretty well paid for them." + +"Since your affairs proceed so prosperously with the Russells," said the +king, "I will acquaint you that you are delivered from another rival, +much more dangerous, if he were not already married: my brother has +lately fallen in love with Lady Chesterfield." "How many blessings at +once!" exclaimed the Chevalier de Grammont: "I have so many obligations +to him for this inconstancy, that I would willingly serve him in his new +amour, if Hamilton was not his rival: nor will your majesty take it ill, +if I promote the interests of my mistress's brother, rather than those of +your majesty's brother." "Hamilton, however," said the king, "does not +stand so much in need of assistance, in affairs of this nature, as the +Duke of York; but I know Lord Chesterfield is of such a disposition, that +he will not suffer men to quarrel about his wife, with the same patience +as the complaisant Shrewsbury; though he well deserves the same fate." +Here follows a true description of Lord Chesterfield. + + [Philip, the second Earl of Chesterfield. He was constituted, in + 1662, lord-chamberlain to the queen, and colonel of a regiment of + foot, June 13, 1667. On November 29, 1679, he was appointed lord- + warden and chief-justice of the king's forests on this side Trent, + and sworn of the privy-council, January 26, 1680. On November 6, + 1682, he was made colonel of the third regiment of foot, which, with + the rest of his preferments, he resigned on the accession of James + IT. He lived to the age of upwards of 80, and died, January 28, + 1713, at his house, in Bloomsbury-square.] + +He had a very agreeable face, a fine head of hair, an indifferent shape, +and a worse air; he was not, however, deficient in wit: a long residence +in Italy had made him ceremonious in his commerce with men, and jealous +in his connection with women: he had been much hated by the king; because +he had been much beloved by Lady Castlemaine: it was reported that he had +been in her good graces prior to her marriage; and as neither of them +denied it, it was the more generally believed. + +He had paid his devoirs to the eldest daughter of the Duke of Ormond, +while his heart was still taken up with his former passion: the king's +love for Lady Castlemaine, and the advancement he expected from such an +alliance, made him press the match with as much ardour as if he had been +passionately in love: he had therefore married Lady Chesterfield without +loving her, and had lived some time with her in such coolness as to leave +her no room to doubt of his indifference. As she was endowed with great +sensibility and delicacy, she suffered at this contempt: she was at first +much affected with his behaviour, and afterwards enraged at it; and, when +he began to give her proofs of his affection, she had the pleasure of +convincing him of her indifference. + +They were upon this footing, when she resolved to cure Hamilton, as she +had lately done her husband, of all his remaining tenderness for Lady +Castlemaine. For her it was no difficult undertaking: the conversation +of the one was disagreeable, from the unpolished state of her manners, +her ill-timed pride, her uneven temper, and extravagant humours Lady +Chesterfield, on the contrary, knew how to heighten her charms with all +the bewitching attractions in the power of a woman to invent who wishes +to make a conquest. + +Besides all this, she had greater opportunities of making advances to him +than to any other: she lived at the Duke of Ormond's, at Whitehall, where +Hamilton, as was said before, had free admittance at all hours: her +extreme coldness, or rather the disgust which she showed for her +husband's returning affection, wakened his natural inclination to +jealousy: he suspected that she could not so very suddenly pass from +anxiety to indifference for him, without some secret object of a new +attachment; and, according to the maxim of all jealous husbands, he +immediately put in practice all his experience and industry, in order to +make a discovery, which was to destroy his own happiness. + +Hamilton, who knew his disposition, was, on the other hand, upon his +guard, and the more he advanced in his intrigue, the more attentive was +he to remove every degree of suspicion from the Earl's mind: he pretended +to make him his confidant, in the most unguarded and open manner, of his +passion for Lady Castlemaine: he complained of her caprice, and most +earnestly desired his advice how to succeed with a person whose +affections he alone had entirely possessed. + +Chesterfield, who was flattered with this discourse, promised him his +protection with greater sincerity than it had been demanded: Hamilton, +therefore, was no further embarrassed than to preserve Lady +Chesterfield's reputation, who, in his opinion, declared herself rather +too openly in his favour: but whilst he was diligently employed in +regulating, within the rules of discretion, the partiality she expressed +for him, and in conjuring her to restrain her glances within bounds, she +was receiving those of the Duke of York; and, what is more, made them +favourable returns. + +He thought that he had perceived it, as well as every one besides; but he +thought likewise, that all the world was deceived as well as himself: how +could he trust his own eyes, as to what those of Lady Chesterfield +betrayed for this new rival? He could not think it probable, that a +woman of her disposition could relish a man, whose manners had a thousand +times been the subject of their private ridicule; but what he judged +still more improbable was, that she should begin another intrigue before +she had given the finishing stroke to that in which her own advances had +engaged her: however, he began to observe her with more circumspection, +when he found by his discoveries, that if she did not deceive him, at +least the desire of doing so was not wanting. This he took the liberty +of telling her of; but she answered him in so high a strain, and treated +what he said so much like a phantom of his own imagination, that he +appeared confused without being convinced: all the satisfaction he could +procure from her, was her telling him, in a haughty manner, that such +unjust reproaches as his ought to have had a better foundation. + +Lord Chesterfield had taken the same alarm; and being convinced, from the +observations he had made, that he had found out the happy lover who had +gained possession of his lady's heart, he was satisfied; and without +teasing her with unnecessary reproaches, he only waited for an +opportunity to confound her, before he took his measures. + +After all, how can we account for Lady Chesterfield's conduct, unless we +attribute it to the disease incident to most coquettes, who, charmed with +superiority, put in practice every art to rob another of her conquest, +and spare nothing to preserve it. + +But before we enter into the particulars of this adventure, let us take a +retrospect of the amours of his Royal Highness, prior to the declaration +of his marriage, and particularly of what immediately preceded this +declaration. It is allowable sometimes to drop the thread of a +narrative, when real facts, not generally known, give such a variety upon +the digression as to render it excusable: let us see then how those +things happened. + +The Duke of York's marriage, with the chancellor's daughter, was +deficient in none of those circumstances which render contracts of this +nature valid in the eye of heaven the mutual inclination, the formal +ceremony, witnesses, and every essential point of matrimony, had been +observed. + + [The material facts in this narrative are confirmed by Lord + Clarendon.--'Continuation of his Life', p. 33. It is difficult to + speak of the persons concerned in this infamous transaction without + some degree of asperity, notwithstanding they are, by a strange + perversion of language, styled, all men of honour.] + +Though the bride was no perfect beauty, yet, as there were none at the +court of Holland who eclipsed her, the Duke, during the first endearments +of matrimony, was so far from repenting of it, that he seemed only to +wish for the King's restoration that he might have an opportunity of +declaring it with splendour; but when he saw himself enjoying a rank +which placed him so near the throne; when the possession of Miss Hyde +afforded him no new charms; when England, so abounding in beauties, +displayed all that was charming and lovely in the court of the King his +brother; and when he considered he was the only prince, who, from such +superior elevation, had descended so low, he began to reflect upon it. +On the one hand, his marriage appeared to him particularly ill suited in +every respect: he recollected that Jermyn had not engaged him in an +intimacy with Miss Hyde, until he had convinced him, by several different +circumstances, of the facility of succeeding: he looked upon his marriage +as an infringement of that duty and obedience he owed to the King; the +indignation with which the court, and even the whole kingdom, would +receive the account of his marriage presented itself to his imagination, +together with the impossibility of obtaining the King's consent to such +an act, which for a thousand reasons he would be obliged to refuse. On +the other hand, the tears and despair of poor Miss Hyde presented +themselves; and still more than that, he felt a remorse of conscience, +the scruples of which began from that time to rise up against him. + +In the midst of this perplexity he opened his heart to Lord Falmouth, +and consulted with him what method he ought to pursue: He could not have +applied to a better man for his own interests, nor to a worse for Miss +Hyde's; for at first, Falmouth maintained not only that he was not +married, but that it was even impossible that he could ever have formed +such a thought; that any marriage was invalid for him, which was made +without the King's consent, even if the party was a suitable match: +but that it was a mere jest, even to think of the daughter of an +insignificant lawyer, whom the favour of his sovereign had lately made +a peer of the realm, without any noble blood, and chancellor, without any +capacity; that as for his scruples, he had only to give ear to some +gentlemen whom he could introduce, who would thoroughly inform him of +Miss Hyde's conduct before he became acquainted with her; and provided +he did not tell them that he really was married, he would soon have +sufficient grounds to come to a determination. + +The Duke of York consented, and Lord Falmouth, having assembled both his +council and his witnesses, conducted them to his Royal Highness's +cabinet, after having instructed them how to act: these gentlemen were +the Earl of Arran, Jermyn, Talbot, and Killegrew, all men of honour; but +who infinitely preferred the Duke of York's interest to Miss Hyde's +reputation, and who, besides, were greatly dissatisfied, as well as the +whole court, at the insolent authority of the prime minister. + +The Duke having told them, after a sort of preamble, that although they +could not be ignorant of his affection for Miss Hyde, yet they might be +unacquainted with the engagements his tenderness for her had induced him +to contract; that he thought himself obliged to perform all the promises +he had made her; but as the innocence of persons of her age was generally +exposed to court scandal, and as certain reports, whether false or true, +had been spread abroad on the subject of her conduct, he conjured them as +his friends, and charged them upon their duty, to tell him sincerely +everything they knew upon the subject, since he was resolved to make +their evidence the rule of his conduct towards her. They all appeared +rather reserved at first, and seemed not to dare to give their opinions +upon an affair of so serious and delicate a nature; but the Duke of York +having renewed his entreaties, each began to relate the particulars of +what he knew, and perhaps of more than he knew, of poor Miss Hyde; nor +did they omit any circumstance necessary to strengthen the evidence. For +instance the Earl of Arran, who spoke first, deposed, that in the gallery +at Honslaerdyk, where the Countess of Ossory, his sister-in-law, and +Jermyn, were playing at nine-pins, Miss Hyde, pretending to be sick, +retired to a chamber at the end of the gallery; that he, the deponent, +had followed her, and having cut her lace, to give a greater probability +to the pretence of the vapours, he had acquitted himself to the best of +his abilities, both to assist and to console her. + +Talbot said, that she had made an appointment with him in the +chancellor's cabinet, while he was in council; and, that, not paying so +much attention to what was upon the table as to what they were engaged +in, they had spilled a bottle full of ink upon a despatch of four pages, +and that the King's monkey, which was blamed for this accident, had been +a long time in disgrace. + +Jermyn mentioned many places where he had received long and favourable +audiences: however, all these articles of accusation amounted only to +some delicate familiarities, or at most, to what is generally denominated +the innocent part of an intrigue; but Killegrew, who wished to surpass +these trivial depositions, boldly declared that he had had the honour of +being upon the most intimate terms with her he was of a sprightly and +witty humour, and had the art of telling a story in the most entertaining +manner, by the graceful and natural turn he could give it: he affirmed +that he had found the critical minute in a certain closet built over the +water, for a purpose very different from that of giving ease to the pains +of love: that three or four swans had been witnesses to his happiness, +and might perhaps have been witnesses to the happiness of many others, as +the lady frequently repaired to that place, and was particularly +delighted with it. + +The Duke of York found this last accusation greatly out of bounds, being +convinced he himself had sufficient proofs of the contrary: he therefore +returned thanks to these officious informers for their frankness, ordered +them to be silent for the future upon what they had been telling him, and +immediately passed into the King's apartment. + +As soon as he had entered the cabinet, Lord Falmouth, who had followed +him, related what had passed to the Earl of Ossory, whom he met in the +presence chamber: they strongly suspected what was the subject of the +conversation of the two brothers, as it was long; and the Duke of York +appeared to be in such agitation when he came out, that they no longer +doubted that the result had been unfavourable for poor Miss Hyde. Lord +Falmouth began to be affected for her disgrace, and to relent that he had +been concerned in it, when the Duke of York told him and the Earl of +Ossory to meet him in about an hour's time at the chancellor's. + +They were rather surprised that he should have the cruelty himself to +announce such a melancholy piece of news: they found his Royal Highness +at the appointed hour in Miss Hyde's chamber: a few tears trickled down +her cheeks, which she endeavoured to restrain. The chancellor, leaning +against the wall, appeared to them to be puffed up with some thing, which +they did not doubt was--rage and despair. The Duke of York said to them, +with that serene and pleasant countenance with which men generally +announce good news: "As you are the two men of the court whom I most +esteem, I am desirous you should first have the honour of paying your +compliments to the Duchess of York: there she is." + +Surprise was of no use, and astonishment was unseasonable on the present +occasion: they were, however, so greatly possessed with both surprise and +astonishment, that in order to conceal it, they immediately fell on their +knees to kiss her hand, which she gave to them with as much majesty as if +she had been used to it all her life. + +The next day the news was made public, and the whole court was eager to +pay her that respect, from a sense of duty, which in the end became very +sincere. + +The petits-maitres who had spoken against her, seeing their intentions +disappointed, were not a little embarrassed. Women are seldom accustomed +to forgive injuries of this nature; and, if they promise themselves the +pleasure of revenge, when they gain the power they seldom forget it: in +the present case, however, the fears of these petits-maitres were their +only punishment. + +The Duchess of York, being fully informed of all that was said in the +cabinet concerning her, instead of showing the least resentment, studied +to distinguish, by all manner of kindness and good offices, those who had +attacked her in so sensible a part; nor did she ever mention it to them, +but in order to praise their zeal, and to tell them that nothing was a +greater proof of the attachment of a man of honour, than his being more +solicitous for the interest of his friend or master, than for his own +reputation: a remarkable example of prudence and moderation, not only +for the fair sex, but even for those who value themselves most upon their +philosophy among the men. + +The Duke of York, having quieted his conscience by the declaration of his +marriage, thought that he was entitled, by this generous effort, to give +way a little to his inconstancy: he therefore immediately seized upon +whatever he could first lay his hands upon: this was Lady Carnegy, who +had been in several other hands. She was still tolerably handsome, and +her disposition, naturally inclined to tenderness, did not oblige her new +lover long to languish. Everything coincided with their wishes for some +time: Lord Carnegy, her husband, was in Scotland; but his father dying +suddenly, he as suddenly returned with the title of Southesk, which his +wife detested; but which she took more patiently than she received the +news of his return. Some private intimation had been given him of the +honour that was done him in his absence: nevertheless, he did not show +his jealousy at first; but, as he was desirous to be satisfied of the +reality of the fact, he kept a strict watch over his wife's actions. The +Duke of York and her ladyship had, for some time, been upon such terms of +intimacy, as not to pass their time in frivolous amusements; however, the +husband's return obliged them to maintain some decorum: he therefore +never went to her house, but in form, that is to say, always accompanied +by some friend or other, to give his amours at least the appearance of a +visit. + +About this time Talbot returned from Portugal: this connection had taken +place during his absence; and without knowing who Lady Southesk was, he +had been informed that his master was in love with her. + +A few days after his arrival, he was carried, merely to keep up +appearances, to her house by the duke; and after being introduced, and +some compliments having been paid on both sides, he thought it his duty +to give his Royal Highness an opportunity to pay his compliments, and +accordingly retired into the ante-chamber, which looked into the street, +and placed himself at the window to view the people as they passed. + +He was one of the best meaning men in the world on such occasions; but +was so subject to forgetfulness, and absence of mind, that he once +forgot, and left behind him at London, a complimentary letter which the +duke had given him for the Infanta of Portugal, and never recollected it +till he was going to his audience. + +He stood sentry, as we have before said, very attentive to his +instructions, when he saw a coach stop at the door, without being in the +least concerned at it, and still less, at a man whom he saw get out of +it, and whom he immediately heard coming upstairs. + +The devil, who ought to be civil upon such occasions, forgot himself in +the present instance, and brought up Lord Southesk 'in propria persona': +his Royal Highness's equipage had been sent home, because my lady had +assured him that her husband was gone to see a bear and a bull baiting, +an entertainment in which he took great delight, and from whence he +seldom returned until it was very late; so that Southesk, not seeing any +equipage at the door, little imagined that he had such good company in +his house; but if he was surprised to see Talbot carelessly lolling in +his wife's ante-chamber, his surprise was soon over. Talbot, who had not +seen him since they were in Flanders, and never supposing that he had +changed his name: "Welcome, Carnegy, welcome, my good fellow," said he, +giving him his hand, "where the devil have you been, that I have never +been able to set eyes on you since we were at Brussels? What business +brought you here? Do you likewise wish to see Lady Southesk? If this is +your intention, my poor friend, you may go away again; for I must inform +you, the Duke of York is in love with her, and I will tell you in +confidence, that, at this very time, he is in her chamber." + +Southesk, confounded as one may suppose, had no time to answer all these +fine questions: Talbot, therefore, attended him downstairs as his friend; +and, as his humble servant, advised him to seek for a mistress elsewhere. +Southesk, not knowing what else to do at that time, returned to his +coach; and Talbot, overjoyed at the adventure, impatiently waited for the +duke's return, that he might acquaint him with it; but he was very much +surprised to find that the story afforded no pleasure to those who had +the principal share in it; and his greatest concern was, that Carnegy had +changed his name, as if only to draw him into such a confidence. + +This accident broke off a commerce which the Duke of York did not much +regret; and indeed it was happy for him that he became indifferent; for +the traitor Southesk meditated a revenge, whereby, without using either +assassination or poison, he would have obtained some satisfaction upon +those who had injured him, if the connection had continued any longer. + +He went to the most infamous places, to seek for the most infamous +disease, which he met with; but his revenge was only half completed; for +after he had gone through every remedy to get quit of his disease, his +lady did but return him his present, having no more connection with the +person for whom it was so industriously prepared. + + [Bishop Burnet, taking notice of the Duke of York's amours, says, + "a story was set about, and generally believed, that the Earl of + Southesk, that had married a daughter of the Duke of Hamilton's, + suspecting some familiarities between the duke and his wife, had + taken a sure method to procure a disease to himself, which he + communicated to his wife, and was, by that means, sent round till it + came to the duchess. Lord Southesk was, for some years, not ill + pleased to have this believed. It looked like a peculiar strain of + revenge, with which he seemed much delighted. But I know he has, to + some of his friends, denied the whole of the story very solemnly." + --history of His Own Times, vol. i., p. 319. It is worthy of notice + that the passage in the text was omitted in most editions of + Grammont, and retained in that of Strawberry-hill, in 1772.] + +Lady Robarts was then in the zenith of her glory; her beauty was +striking; yet, notwithstanding the brightness of the finest complexion, +with all the bloom of youth, and with every requisite for inspiring +desire, she nevertheless was not attractive. The Duke of York, however, +would probably have been successful, if difficulties, almost +insurmountable, had not disappointed his good intentions: Lord Robarts, +her husband, was an old, snarling, troublesome, peevish fellow, in love +with her to distraction, and to complete her misery, a perpetual +attendant on her person. + +She perceived his Royal Highness's attachment to her, and seemed as if +she was inclined to be grateful: this redoubled his eagerness, and every +outward mark of tenderness he could possibly show her; but the watchful +husband redoubling his zeal and assiduity, as he found the approaches +advance, every art was practised to render him tractable: several attacks +were made upon his avarice and his ambition. Those who possessed the +greatest share of his confidence, insinuated to him that it was his own +fault if Lady Robarts, who was so worthy of being at court, was not +received into some considerable post, either about the queen or the +duchess: he was offered to be made Lord Lieutenant of the county where +his estate was; or to have the management of the Duke of York's revenues +in Ireland, of which he should have the entire disposal, provided he +immediately set out to take possession of his charge; and having +accomplished it, he might return as soon as ever he thought proper. + +He perfectly well understood the meaning of these proposals, and was +fully apprised of the advantages he might reap from them: in vain did +ambition and avarice hold out their allurements; he was deaf to all their +temptations, nor could ever the old fellow be persuaded to be made a +cuckold. It is not always an aversion to, or a dread of this +distinction, which preserves us from it: of this her husband was very +sensible; therefore, under the pretence of a pilgrimage to Saint +Winifred, the virgin and martyr, who was said to cure women of +barrenness, he did not rest, until the highest mountains in Wales were +between his wife and the person who had designed to perform this miracle +in London, after his departure. + +The duke was for some time entirely taken up with the pleasures of the +chase, and only now and then engaged in those of love; but his taste +having undergone a change in this particular, and the remembrance of Lady +Robarts wearing off by degrees, his eyes and wishes were turned towards +Miss Brook; and it was in the height of this pursuit that Lady +Chesterfield threw herself into his arms, as we shall see by resuming the +sequel of her adventures. + +The Earl of Bristol, ever restless and ambitious, had put in practice +every art, to possess himself of the king's favour. As this is the same +Digby whom Count Bussy mentions in his annals, it will be sufficient to +say that he was not at all changed: he knew that love and pleasure had +possession of a master, whom he himself governed, in defiance of the +chancellor; thus he was continually giving entertainments at his house; +and luxury and elegance seemed to rival each other in those nocturnal +feasts, which always lead to other enjoyments. The two Miss Brooks, his +relations, were always of those parties; they were both formed by nature +to excite love in others, as well as to be susceptible of it themselves; +they were just what the king wanted: the earl, from this commencement, +was beginning to entertain a good opinion of his project, when Lady +Castlemaine, who had lately gained entire possession of the king's heart, +was not in a humour, at that time, to share it with another, as she did +very indiscreetly afterwards, despising Miss Stewart. As soon, +therefore, as she received intimation of these secret practices, under +pretence of attending the king in his parties, she entirely disconcerted +them; so that the earl was obliged to lay aside his projects, and Miss +Brook to discontinue her advances. The king did not even dare to think +any more on this subject; but his brother was pleased to look after what +he neglected; and Miss Brook accepted the offer of his heart, until it +pleased heaven to dispose of her otherwise, which happened soon after in +the following manner. + +Sir John Denham, loaded with wealth as well as years, had passed his +youth in the midst of those pleasures which people at that age indulge +in without restraint; he was one of the brightest geniuses England ever +produced, for wit and humour, and for brilliancy of composition: +satirical and free in his poems, he spared neither frigid writers, nor +jealous husbands, nor even their wives: every part abounded with the most +poignant wit, and the most entertaining stories; but his most delicate +and spirited raillery turned generally against matrimony; and, as if he +wished to confirm, by his own example, the truth of what he had written +in his youth, he married, at the age of seventy-nine, this Miss Brook of +whom we are speaking, who was only eighteen. + +The Duke of York had rather neglected her for some time before; but the +circumstance of so unequal a match rekindled his ardour; and she, on her +part, suffered him to entertain hopes of an approaching bliss, which a +thousand considerations had opposed before her marriage: she wished to +belong to the court; and for the promise of being made lady of the +bedchamber to the duchess, she was upon the point of making him another +promise, or of immediately performing it, if required, when, in the +middle of this treaty, Lady Chesterfield was tempted, by her evil genius, +to rob her of her conquest, in order to disturb all the world. + +However, as Lady Chesterfield could not see the Duke of York, except +in public assemblies, she was under the necessity of making the most +extravagant advances, in order to seduce him from his former connection; +and as he was the most unguarded ogler of his time, the whole court was +informed of the intrigue before it was well begun. + +Those who appeared the most attentive to their conduct were not the least +interested in it. Hamilton and Lord Chesterfield watched them narrowly; +but Lady Denham, vexed that Lady Chesterfield should have stepped in +before her, took the liberty of railing against her rival with the +greatest bitterness. Hamilton had hitherto flattered himself that vanity +alone had engaged Lady Chesterfield in this adventure; but he was soon +undeceived, whatever her indifference might have been when she first +commenced this intrigue. We often proceed farther than we at first +intended, when we indulge ourselves in trifling liberties which we think +of no consequence; for though perhaps the heart takes no part at the +beginning, it seldom fails to be engaged in the end. + +The court, as we have mentioned before, was an entire scene of gallantry +and amusements, with all the politeness and magnificence which the +inclinations of a prince naturally addicted to tenderness and pleasure, +could suggest: the beauties were desirous of charming, and the men +endeavoured to please: all studied to set themselves off to the best +advantage: some distinguished themselves by dancing; others by show and +magnificence; some by their wit, many by their amours, but few by their +constancy. There was a certain Italian at court, famous for the guitar: +he had a genius for music, and he was the only man who could make +anything of the guitar: his style of play was so full of grace and +tenderness, that he would have given harmony to the most discordant +instruments. The truth is, nothing was so difficult as to play like +this foreigner. The king's relish for his compositions had brought the +instrument so much into vogue, that every person played upon it, well or +ill; and you were as sure to see a guitar on a lady's toilet as rouge or +patches. The Duke of York played upon it tolerably well, and the Earl of +Arran like Francisco himself. This Francisco had composed a saraband, +which either charmed or infatuated every person; for the whole guitarery +at court were trying at it; and God knows what an universal strumming +there was. The Duke of York, pretending not to be perfect in it, desired +Lord Arran to play it to him. Lady Chesterfield had the best guitar in +England. The Earl of Arran, who was desirous of playing his best, +conducted his Royal Highness to his sister's apartments: she was lodged +at court, at her father's, the Duke of Ormond's; and this wonderful +guitar was lodged there too. Whether this visit had been preconcerted +or not, I do not pretend to say; but it is certain that they found both +the lady and the guitar at home: they likewise found there Lord +Chesterfield, so much surprised at this unexpected visit, that it was a +considerable time before he thought of rising from his seat to receive +them with due respect. + +Jealousy, like a malignant vapour, now seized upon his brain: a thousand +suspicions, blacker than ink, took possession of his imagination, and +were continually increasing; for, whilst the brother played upon the +guitar to the duke, the sister ogled and accompanied him with her eyes, +as if the coast had been clear, and no enemy to observe them. This +saraband was at least repeated twenty times: the duke declared it was +played to perfection: Lady Chesterfield found fault with the composition; +but her husband, who clearly perceived that he was the person played +upon, thought it a most detestable piece. However, though he was in the +last agony at being obliged to curb his passion while others gave a free +scope to theirs, he was resolved to find out the drift of the visit; but +it was not in his power: for, having the honour to be chamberlain to the +queen, a messenger came to require his immediate attendance on her +majesty. His first thought was to pretend sickness: the second to +suspect that the queen, who sent for him at such an unseasonable time, +was in the plot; but at last, after all the extravagant ideas of a +suspicious man, and all the irresolutions of a jealous husband, he was +obliged to go. + +We may easily imagine what his state of mind was when he arrived at the +palace. Alarms are to the jealous what disasters are to the unfortunate: +they seldom come alone, but form a series of persecution. He was +informed that he was sent for to attend the queen at an audience she gave +to seven or eight Muscovite ambassadors: he had scarce begun to curse the +Muscovites, when his brother-in-law appeared, and drew upon himself all +the imprecations he bestowed upon the embassy: he no longer doubted his +being in the plot with the two persons he had left together, and in his +heart sincerely wished him such recompense for his good offices as such +good offices deserved. It was with great difficulty that he restrained +himself from immediately acquainting him what was his opinion of such +conduct: he thought that what he had already seen was a sufficient proof +of his wife's infidelity; but before the end of the very same day, some +circumstances occurred which increased his suspicions, and persuaded him +that they had taken advantage of his absence, and of the honourable +officiousness of his brother-in-law. He passed, however, that night with +tranquillity; but the next morning, being reduced to the necessity either +of bursting or giving vent to his sorrows and conjectures, he did nothing +but think and walk about the room until Park-time. He went to court, +seemed very busy, as if seeking for some person or other, imagining that +people guessed at the subject of his uneasiness: he avoided everybody, +but at length meeting with Hamilton, he thought he was the very man that +he wanted; and, having desired him to take an airing with him in Hyde +Park, he took him up in his coach, and they arrived at the Ring, without +a word having passed between them. + +Hamilton, who saw him as yellow as jealousy itself, and particularly +thoughtful, imagined that he had just discovered what all the world had +perceived long before; when Chesterfield, after a broken, insignificant +preamble, asked him how he succeeded with Lady Castlemaine. Hamilton, +who very well saw that he meant nothing by this question, nevertheless +thanked him; and as he was thinking of an answer: "Your cousin," said the +earl, "is extremely coquettish, and I have some reason to suppose she is +not so prudent as she ought to be." Hamilton thought the last charge a +little too severe; and as he was endeavouring to refute it: "Good God!" +said my lord, "you see, as well as the whole court, what airs she gives +herself: husbands are always the last people that are spoken to about +those affairs that corcern them the most; but they are not always the +last to perceive it themselves: though you have made me your confidant +in other matters, yet I am not at all surprised you have concealed this +from me; but as I flatter myself with having some share in your esteem, +I should be sorry you should think me such a fool as to be incapable of +seeing, though I am so complaisant as not to express my sentiments: +nevertheless, I find that affairs are now carried on with such barefaced +boldness, that at length I find I shall be forced to take some course or +other. God forbid that I should act the ridiculous part of a jealous +husband: the character is odious; but then I do not intend, through an +excess of patience, to be made the jest of the town. Judge, therefore, +from what I am going to tell you, whether I ought to sit down +unconcerned, or whether I ought to take measures for the preservation +of my honour. + +"His royal highness honoured me yesterday by a visit to my wife." +Hamilton started at this beginning. "Yes," continued the other, "he did +give himself that trouble, and Lord Arran took upon himself that of +bringing him: do not you wonder, that a man of his birth should act such +a part? What advancement can he expect from one who employs him in such +base services? But we have long known him to be one of the silliest +creatures in England, with his guitar, and his other whims and follies." +Chesterfield, after this short sketch of his brother-in-law's merit, +began to relate the observations he had made during the visit, and asked +Hamilton what he thought of his cousin Arran, who had so obligingly left +them together. "This may appear surprising to you," continued he, "but +hear me out, and judge whether I have reason to think that the close of +this pretty visit passed in perfect innocence. Lady Chesterfield is +amiable, it must be acknowledged; but she is far from being such a +miracle of beauty as she supposes herself: you know she has ugly feet; +but perhaps you are not acquainted that she has still worse legs." +"Pardon me," said Hamilton, within himself: and the other continuing the +description: "Her legs," said his lordship, "are short and thick; and, to +remedy these defects as much as possible, she seldom wears any other than +green stockings." + +Hamilton could not for his life imagine the drift of all this discourse, +and Chesterfield, guessing his thoughts: "Have a little patience," said +he: "I went yesterday to Miss Stewart's, after the audience of those +damned Muscovites: the king arrived there just before me; and as if the +duke had sworn to pursue me wherever I went that day, he came in just +after me. The conversation turned upon the extraordinary appearance of +the ambassadors. I know not where that fool Crofts had heard that all +these Muscovites had handsome wives; and that all their wives had +handsome legs. Upon this the king maintained that no woman ever had +such handsome legs as Miss Stewart; and she, to prove the truth of his +majesty's assertion, with the greatest imaginable ease, immediately +shewed her leg above the knee. Some were ready to prostrate themselves, +in order to adore its beauty; for indeed none can be handsomer; but the +duke alone began to criticise upon it. He contended that it was too +slender, and that as for himself he would give nothing for a leg that was +not thicker and shorter, and concluded by saying that no leg was worth +anything without green stockings. Now this, in my opinion, was a +sufficient demonstration that he had just seen green stockings, and had +them fresh in his remembrance." + +Hamilton was at a loss what countenance to put on during a narrative +which raised in him nearly the same conjectures; he shrugged up his +shoulders, and faintly said that appearances were often deceitful; that +Lady Chesterfield had the foible of all beauties, who place their merit +on the number of their admirers; and whatever airs she might imprudently +have given herself, in order not to discourage his royal highness, there +was no ground to suppose that she would indulge him in any greater +liberties to engage him: but in vain was it that he endeavoured to give +that consolation to his friend which he did not feel himself. +Chesterfield plainly perceived he did not think of what he was saying; +however, he thought himself much obliged to him for the interest he +seemed to take in his concerns. + +Hamilton was in haste to go home to vent his spleen and resentment in a +letter to his cousin. The style of this billet was very different from +those which he formerly was accustomed to write to her: reproaches, +bitter expostulations, tenderness, menaces, and all the effusions of a +lover who thinks he has reason to complain, composed this epistle; which, +for fear of accidents, he went to deliver himself. + +Never did she before appear so lovely, and never did her eyes speak so +kindly to him as at this moment: his heart quite relented; but he was +determined not to lose all the fine things he had said in his letter. +In receiving it, she squeezed his hand: this action completely disarmed +him, and he would have given his life to have had his letter again. It +appeared to him at this instant that all the grievances he complained of +were visionary and groundless: he looked upon her husband as a madman and +an impostor, and quite the reverse of what he supposed him to be a few +minutes before; but this remorse came a little too late: he had delivered +his billet, and Lady Chesterfield had shewn such impatience and eagerness +to read it as soon as she had got it that all circumstances seemed to +conspire to justify her, and to confound him. She managed to get quit, +some way or other, of some troublesome visitors, to slip into her closet. +He thought himself so culpable that he had not the assurance to wait her +return: he withdrew with the rest of the company; but he did not dare to +appear before her the next day, to have an answer to his letter: however, +he met her at court; and this was the first time, since the commencement +of their amour, that he did not seek for her. He stood at a distance, +with downcast looks, and appeared in such terrible embarrassment that his +condition was sufficient to raise laughter or to cause pity, when Lady +Chesterfield approaching, thus accosted him: "Confess," said she, "that +you are in as foolish a situation as any man of sense can be: you wish +you had not written to me: you are desirous of an answer: you hope for +none: yet you equally wish for and dread it: I have, however, written you +one." She had not time to say more; but the few words she had spoken +were accompanied with such an air, and such a look, as to make him +believe that it was Venus with all her graces who had addressed him. He +was near her when she sat down to cards, and as he was puzzling himself +to devise by what means he should get this answer, she desired him to lay +her gloves and fan down somewhere: he took them, and with them the billet +in question; and as he had perceived nothing severe or angry in the +conversation he had with her, he hastened to open her letter, and read as +follows: + +"Your transports are so ridiculous that it is doing you a favour to +attribute them to an excess of tenderness, which turns your head: a man, +without doubt, must have a great inclination to be jealous, to entertain +such an idea of the person you mention. Good God! what a lover to have +caused uneasiness to a man of genius, and what a genius to have got the +better of mine! Are not you ashamed to give any credit to the visions of +a jealous fellow who brought nothing else with him from Italy? Is it +possible that the story of the green stockings, upon which he has founded +his suspicions, should have imposed upon you, accompanied as it is with +such pitiful circumstances? Since he has made you his confidant, why did +not he boast of breaking in pieces my poor harmless guitar? This +exploit, perhaps, might have convinced you more than all the rest: +recollect yourself, and if you are really in love with me, thank fortune +for a groundless jealousy, which diverts to another quarter the attention +he might pay to my attachment for the most amiable and the most dangerous +man of the court." + +Hamilton was ready to weep for joy at these endearing marks of kindness, +of which he thought himself so unworthy he was not satisfied with +kissing, in raptures, every part of this billet; he also kissed several +times her gloves and her fan. Play being over, Lady Chesterfield +received them from his hands, and read in his eyes the joy that her +billet had raised in his heart. Nor was he satisfied with expressing his +raptures, only by looks: he hastened home, and wrote to her at least four +times as much. How different was this letter from the other! Though +perhaps not so well written; for one does not show so much wit in suing +for pardon, as in venting reproaches, and it seldom happens that the soft +languishing style of a love-letter is so penetrating as that of +invective. + +Be that as it may, his peace was made: their past quarrel gave new life +to their correspondence; and Lady Chesterfield, to make him as easy as he +had before been distrustful expressed on every occasion a feigned +contempt for his rival, and a sincere aversion for her husband. + +So great was his confidence in her, that he consented she should show in +public some marks of attention to the duke, in order to conceal as much +as possible their private intelligence. Thus, at this time nothing +disturbed his peace of mind, but his impatience of finding a favourable +opportunity for the completion of his desires: he thought it was in her +power to command it; but she excused herself on account of several +difficulties which she enumerated to him, and which she was desirous he +should remove by his industry and attentions. + +This silenced his complaints; but whilst he was endeavouring to surmount +these obstacles, still wondering how it was possible that two persons who +were so well disposed to each other, and who were agreed to make each +other happy, could not put their designs in execution, accident +discovered an unexpected adventure, which left him no room to doubt, +either of the happiness of his rival, or of the perfidy of his mistress. + +Misfortunes often fall light when most feared; and frequently prove +heaviest when merited, and when least suspected. Hamilton was in the +middle of the most tender and passionate letter he had ever written to +Lady Chesterfield, when her husband came to announce to him the +particulars of this last discovery: he came so suddenly upon him, that he +had only just time to conceal his amorous epistle among his other papers. +His heart and mind were still so full of what he was writing to his +cousin, that her husband's complaints against her, at first, were scarce +attended to; besides, in his opinion, he had come in the most unfortunate +moment on all accounts. + +He was, however, obliged to listen to him, and he soon entertained quite +different sentiments: he appeared almost petrified with astonishment, +while the earl was relating to him circumstances of such an extravagant +indiscretion, as seemed to him quite incredible, notwithstanding the +particulars of the fact. "You have reason to be surprised at it," said +my lord, concluding his story; "but if you doubt the truth of what I tell +you, it will be easy for you to find evidence that will convince you; for +the scene of their tender familiarities was no less public than the room +where the queen plays at cards, which while her majesty was at play, was, +God knows, pretty well crowded. Lady Denham was the first who discovered +what they thought would pass unperceived in the crowd; and you may very +well judge hew secret she would keep such a circumstance. The truth is, +she addressed herself to me first of all, as I entered the room, to tell +me that I should give my wife a little advice, as other people might take +notice of what I might see myself, if I pleased. + +"Your cousin was at play, as I before told you: the duke was sitting next +to her: I know not what was become of his hand; but I am sure that no one +could see his arm below the elbow: I was standing behind them, just in +the place that Lady Denham had quitted: the duke turning round perceived +me, and was so much disturbed at my presence, that he almost undressed my +lady in pulling away his hand. I know not whether they perceived that +they were discovered; but of this I am convinced, that Lady Denham will +take care that everybody shall know it. I must confess to you, that my +embarrassment is so great, that I cannot find words to express what I now +feel: I should not hesitate one moment what course to take, if I might be +allowed to show my resentment against the person who has wronged me. As +for her, I could manage her well enough, if, unworthy as she is of any +consideration, I had not still some regard for an illustrious family, +that would be distracted were I to resent such an injury as it deserves. +In this particular you are interested yourself: you are my friend, and I +make you my confidant in an affair of the greatest imaginable delicacy: +let us then consult together what is proper to be done in so perplexing +and disagreeable a situation." + +Hamilton, if possible, more astonished, and more confounded than himself, +was far from being in a proper state to afford him advice on the present +occasion: he listened to nothing but jealousy, and breathed nothing but +revenge; but these emotions being somewhat abated, in hopes that there +might be calumny, or at least exaggeration in the charges against Lady +Chesterfield, he desired her husband to suspend his resolutions, until he +was more fully informed of the fact; assuring him, however, that if he +found the circumstances such as he had related, he should regard and +consult no other interest than his. + +Upon this they parted; and Hamilton found, on the first inquiry, that +almost the whole court was informed of the adventure, to which every one +added something in relating it. Vexation and resentment, inflamed his +heart, and by degrees extinguished every remnant of his former passion. + +He might easily have seen her, and have made her such reproaches as a man +is generally inclined to do, on such occasions; but he was too much +enraged to enter into any detail which might have led to an explanation: +he considered himself as the only person essentially injured in this +affair; for he could never bring his mind to think that the injuries of +the husband could be placed in competition with those of the lover. + +He hastened to Lord Chesterfield, in the transport of his passion, and +told him that he had heard enough to induce him to give such advice, as +he should follow himself in the same situation, and that if he wished to +save a woman so strongly prepossessed, and who perhaps had not yet lost +all her innocence, though she had totally lost her reason, he ought not +to delay one single instant, but immediately to carry her into the +country with the greatest possible expedition, without allowing her the +least time to recover her surprise. + +Lord Chesterfield readily agreed to follow this advice, which he had +already considered as the only counsel a friend could give him; but his +lady who did not suspect he had made this last discovery of her conduct, +thought he was joking with her, when he told her to prepare for going +into the country in two days: she was the more induced to think so as it +was in the very middle of an extremely severe winter; but she soon +perceived that he was in earnest: she knew from the air and manner of her +husband that he thought he had sufficient reason to treat her in this +imperious style; and finding all her relations serious and cold to her +complaint, she had no hope left in this universally abandoned situation +but in the tenderness of Hamilton. She imagined she should hear from him +the cause of her misfortunes, of which she was still totally ignorant, +and that his love would invent some means or other to prevent a journey, +which she flattered herself would be even more affecting to him than to +herself; but she was expecting pity from a crocodile. + +At last, when she saw the eve of her departure was come, that every +preparation was made for a long journey; that she was receiving farewell +visits in form, and that still she heard nothing from Hamilton, both her +hopes and her patience forsook her in this wretched situation. A few +tears perhaps might have afforded her some relief, but she chose rather +to deny herself that comfort, than to give her husband so much +satisfaction. Hamilton's conduct on this occasion appeared to her +unaccountable; and as he still never came near her, she found means +to convey to him the following billet. + +"Is it possible that you should be one of those, who, without vouchsafing +to tell me for what crime I am treated like a slave, suffer me to be +dragged from society? What means your silence and indolence in a +juncture wherein your tenderness ought most particularly to appear, and +actively exert itself? I am upon the point of departing, and am ashamed +to think that you are the cause of my looking upon it with horror, as I +have reason to believe that you are less concerned at it than any other +person: do, at least, let me know to what place I am to be dragged; what +is to be done with me within a wilderness? and on what account you, like +all the rest of the world, appear changed in your behaviour towards a +person whom all the world could not oblige to change with regard to you, +if your weakness or your ingratitude did not render you unworthy of her +tenderness." + +This billet did but harden his heart, and make him more proud of his +vengeance: he swallowed down full draughts of pleasure in beholding her +reduced to despair, being persuaded that her grief and regret for her +departure were on account of another person: he felt uncommon +satisfaction in having a share in tormenting her, and was particularly +pleased with the scheme he had contrived to separate her from a rival, +upon the very point perhaps of being made happy. Thus fortified as he +was against his natural tenderness, with all the severity of jealous +resentment, he saw her depart with an indifference which he did not even +endeavour to conceal from her: this unexpected treatment, joined to the +complication of her other misfortunes, had almost in reality plunged her +into despair. + +The court was filled with the story of this adventure; nobody was +ignorant of the occasion of this sudden departure, but very few approved +of Lord Chesterfield's conduct. In England they looked with astonishment +upon a man who could be so uncivil as to be jealous of his wife; and in +the city of London it was a prodigy, till that time unknown, to see a +husband have recourse to violent means, to prevent what jealousy fears, +and what it always deserves. They endeavoured, however, to excuse poor +Lord Chesterfield, as far as they could safely do it, without incurring +the public odium, by laying all the blame on his bad education. This +made all the mothers vow to God that none of their sons should ever set a +foot in Italy, lest they should bring back with them that infamous custom +of laying restraint upon their wives. + + + + + + + MEMOIRS OF COUNT GRAMMONT, VOLUME 5. + + By Anthony Hamilton + + EDITED, WITH NOTES, BY SIR WALTER SCOTT + + + + + CHAPTER NINTH. + + VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT. + + +Every man who believes that his honour depends upon that of his wife is +a fool who torments himself, and drives her to despair; but he who, being +naturally jealous, has the additional misfortune of loving his wife, and +who expects that she should only live for him; is a perfect madman, whom +the torments of hell have actually taken hold of in this world, and whom +nobody pities. All reasoning and observation on these unfortunate +circumstances attending wedlock concur in this, that precaution is vain +and useless before the evil, and revenge odious afterwards. + +The Spaniards, who tyrannise over their wives, more by custom than from +jealousy, content themselves with preserving the niceness of their honour +by duennas, grates, and locks. + +The Italians, who are wary in their suspicions, and vindictive in their +resentments, pursue a different line of conduct: some satisfy themselves +with keeping their wives under locks which they think secure: others by +ingenious precautions exceed whatever the Spaniards can invent for +confining the fair sex but the generality are of opinion, that in either +unavoidable danger or in manifest transgression, the surest way is to +assassinate. + +But, ye courteous and indulgent nations, who, far from admitting these +savage and barbarous customs, give full liberty to your dear ribs, and +commit the care of their virtue to their own discretion, you pass without +alarms or strife your peaceful days, in all the enjoyments of domestic +indolence! + +It was certainly some evil genius that induced Lord Chesterfield to +distinguish himself from his patient and good-natured countrymen, and +ridiculously to afford the world an opportunity of examining into the +particulars of an adventure which would perhaps never have been known +without the verge of the court, and which would everywhere have been +forgotten in less than a month; but now, as soon as ever he had turned +his back, in order to march away with his prisoner, and the ornaments she +was supposed to have bestowed upon him, God only knows what a terrible +attack there was made upon his rear: Rochester, Middlesex, Sedley, +Etheredge, and all the whole band of wits, exposed him in numberless +ballads, and diverted the public at his expense. + +The Chevalier de Grammont was highly pleased with these lively and +humorous compositions; and wherever this subject was mentioned, never +failed to produce his supplement upon the occasion: "It is strange," said +he, "that the country, which is little better than a gallows or a grave +for young people, is allotted in this land only for the unfortunate, and +not for the guilty! poor Lady Chesterfield, for some unguarded looks, is +immediately seized upon by an angry husband, who will oblige her to spend +her Christmas at a country-house, a hundred and fifty miles from London; +while here there are a thousand ladies who are left at liberty to do +whatever they please, and who indulge in that liberty, and whose conduct, +in short, deserves a daily bastinado. I name no person, God forbid I +should; but Lady Middleton, Lady Denham, the queen's and the duchess's +maids of honour, and a hundred others, bestow their favours to the right +and to the left, and not the least notice is taken of their conduct. As +for Lady Shrewsbury, she is conspicuous. I would take a wager she might +have a man killed for her every day, find she would only hold her head +the higher for it: one would suppose she imported from Rome plenary +indulgences for her conduct: there are three or four gentlemen who wear +an ounce of her hair made into bracelets, and no person finds any fault; +and yet shall such a cross-grained fool as Chesterfield be permitted to +exercise an act of tyranny, altogether unknown in this country, upon the +prettiest woman in England, and all for a mere trifle: but I am his +humble servant; his precautions will avail him nothing; on the contrary, +very often a woman, who had no bad intentions when she was suffered to +remain in tranquillity, is prompted to such conduct by revenge, or +reduced to it by necessity: this is as true as the gospel: hear now what +Francisco's saraband says on the subject: + + "Tell me, jealous-paced swain, + What avail thy idle arts, + To divide united hearts? + Love, like the wind, I trow, + Will, where it listeth, blow; + So, prithee, peace, for all thy cares are vain. + + "When you are by, + Nor wishful look, be sure, nor eloquent sigh, + Shall dare those inward fires discover, + Which burn in either lover + Yet Argus' self, if Argus were thy spy, + Should ne'er, with all his mob of eyes, + Surprise. + + "Some joys forbidden, + Transports hidden, + Which love, through dark and secret ways, + Mysterious love, to kindred souls conveys." + +The Chevalier de Grammont passed for the author of this sonnet: neither +the justness of the sentiment, nor turn of it, are surprisingly +beautiful; but as it contained some truths that flattered the genius of +the nation, and pleased those who interested themselves for the fair sex, +the ladies were all desirous of having it to teach their children. + +During all this time the Duke of York, not being in the way of seeing +Lady Chesterfield, easily forgot her: her absence, however, had some +circumstances attending it which could not but sensibly affect the +person who had occasioned her confinement; but there are certain +fortunate tempers to which every situation is easy; they feel neither +disappointment with bitterness, nor pleasure with acuteness. In the mean +time, as the duke could not remain idle, he had no sooner forgotten Lady +Chesterfield, but he began to think of her whom he had been in love with +before, and was upon the point of relapsing into his old passion for Miss +Hamilton. + +There was in London a celebrated portrait-painter called Lely, who had +greatly improved himself by studying the famous Vandyke's pictures, which +were dispersed all over England in abundance. Lely imitated Vandyke's +manner, and approached the nearest to him of all the moderns. The +Duchess of York, being desirous of having the portraits of the handsomest +persons at court, Lely painted them, and employed all his skill in the +performance; nor could he ever exert himself upon more beautiful +subjects. Every picture appeared a master-piece; and that of Miss +Hamilton appeared the highest finished: Lely himself acknowledged that he +had drawn it with a particular pleasure. The Duke of York took a delight +in looking at it, and began again to ogle the original: he had very +little reason to hope for success; and at the same time that his hopeless +passion alarmed the Chevalier de Grammont, Lady Denham thought proper to +renew the negotiation which had so unluckily been interrupted: it was +soon brought to a conclusion; for where both parties are sincere in a +negotiation, no time is lost in cavilling. Everything succeeded +prosperously on one side; yet, I know not what fatality obstructed the +pretensions of the other. The duke was very urgent with the duchess to +put Lady Denham in possession of the place which was the object of her +ambition; but as she was not guarantee for the performance of the secret +articles of the treaty, though till this time she had borne with patience +the inconstancy of the duke, and yielded submissively to his desires; +yet, in the present instance, it appeared hard and dishonourable to her, +to entertain near her person, a rival, who would expose her to the danger +of acting but a second part in the midst of her own court. However, she +saw herself upon the point of being forced to it by authority, when a far +more unfortunate obstacle for ever bereft poor Lady Denham of the hopes +of possessing that fatal place, which she had solicited with such +eagerness. + +Old Denham, naturally jealous, became more and more suspicious, and found +that he had sufficient ground for such conduct: his wife was young and +handsome, he old and disagreeable: what reason then had he to flatter +himself that Heaven would exempt him from the fate of husbands in the +like circumstances? This he was continually saying to himself; but when +compliments were poured in upon him from all sides, upon the place his +lady was going to have near the duchess's person, he formed ideas of what +was sufficient to have made him hang himself, if he had possessed the +resolution. The traitor chose rather to exercise his courage against +another. He wanted precedents for putting in practice his resentments in +a privileged country: that of Lord Chesterfield was not sufficiently +bitter for the revenge he meditated: besides, he had no country-house to +which he could carry his unfortunate wife. This being the case, the old +villain made her travel a much longer journey without stirring out of +London. Merciless fate robbed her of life, and of her dearest hopes, in +the bloom of youth. + +As no person entertained any doubt of his having poisoned her, the +populace of his neighbourhood had a design of tearing him in pieces, as +soon as he should come abroad; but he shut himself up to bewail her +death, until their fury was appeased by a magnificent funeral, at which +he distributed four times more burnt wine than had ever been drunk at any +burial in England. + + [The lampoons of the day, some of which are to be found in Andrew + Marvell's Works, more than insinuate that she was deprived of life + by a mixture infused into some chocolate. The slander of the times + imputed her death to the jealousy of the Duchess of York.] + +While the town was in fear of some great disaster, as an expiation for +these fatal effects of jealousy, Hamilton was not altogether so easy as +he flattered himself he should be after the departure of Lady +Chesterfield: he had only consulted the dictates of revenge in what he +had done. His vengeance was satisfied; but such was far from being the +case with his love; and having, since the absence of her he still +admired, notwithstanding his resentments, leisure to make those +reflections which a recent injury will not permit a man to attend to: +"And wherefore," said he to himself, "was I so eager to make her +miserable, who alone, however culpable she may be, has it in her power to +make me happy? Cursed jealousy!" continued he, "yet more cruel to those +who torment than to those who are tormented! What have I gained by +having blasted the hopes of a more happy rival, since I was not able to +perform this without depriving myself, at the same time, of her upon whom +the whole happiness and comfort of my life was centred." + +Thus, clearly proving to himself, by a great many reasonings of the same +kind, and all out of season, that in such an engagement it was much +better to partake with another than to have nothing at all, he filled his +mind with a number of vain regrets and unprofitable remorse, when he +received a letter from her who occasioned them, but a letter so exactly +adapted to increase them, that, after he had read it, he looked upon +himself as the greatest scoundrel in the world. Here it follows: + +"You will, no doubt, be as much surprised at this letter as I was at the +unconcerned air with which you beheld my departure. I am led to believe +that you had imagined reasons which, in your own mind, justified such +unseasonable conduct. If you are still under the impression of such +barbarous sentiments it will afford you pleasure to be made acquainted +with what I suffer in the most horrible of prisons. Whatever the country +affords most melancholy in this season presents itself to my view on all +sides: surrounded by impassable roads, out of one window I see nothing +but rocks, out of another nothing but precipices; but wherever I turn my +eyes within doors I meet those of a jealous husband, still more +insupportable than the sad objects that encompass me. I should add to +the misfortunes of my life that of seeming criminal in the eyes of a man +who ought to have justified me, even against convincing appearances, if +by my avowed innocence I had a right to complain or to expostulate: but +how is it possible for me to justify myself at such a distance; and how +can I flatter myself that the description of a most dreadful prison will +not prevent you from believing me? But do you deserve that I should wish +you did? Heavens! how I must hate you, if I did not love you to +distraction. Come, therefore, and let me once again see you, that you +may hear my justification; and I am convinced that if after this visit +you find me guilty it will not be with respect to yourself. Our Argus +sets out to-morrow for Chester, where a law-suit will detain him a week. +I know not whether he will gain it; but I am sure it will be entirely +your fault if he does not lose one, for which he is at least as anxious +as that he is now going after." + +This letter was sufficient to make a man run blindfold into an adventure +still more rash than that which was proposed to him, and that was rash +enough in all respects: he could not perceive by what means she could +justify herself; but as she assured him he should be satisfied with his +journey, this was all he desired at present. + +There was one of his relations with Lady Chesterfield, who, having +accompanied her in her exile, had gained some share in their mutual +confidence; and it was through her means he received this letter, with +all the necessary instructions about his journey and his arrival. +Secrecy being the soul of such expeditions, especially before an amour +is accomplished, he took post, and set out in the night, animated by the +most tender and flattering wishes, so that, in less than no time almost, +in comparison with the distance and the badness of the roads, he had +travelled a hundred and fifty tedious miles at the last stage he +prudently dismissed the post-boy. It was not yet daylight, and +therefore, for fear of the rocks and precipices mentioned in her letter, +he proceeded with tolerable discretion, considering he was in love. + +By this means he fortunately escaped all the dangerous places, and, +according to his instructions, alighted at a little hut adjoining to the +park wall. The place was not magnificent; but, as he only wanted rest, +it did well enough for that: he did not wish for daylight, and was even +still less desirous of being seen; wherefore, having shut himself up in +this obscure retreat, he fell into a profound sleep, and did not wake +until noon. As he was particularly hungry when he awoke, he ate and +drank heartily: and, as he was the neatest man at court, and was expected +by the neatest lady in England, he spent the remainder of the day in +dressing himself, and in making all those preparations which the time and +place permitted, without deigning once to look around him, or to ask his +landlord a single question. At last the orders he expected with great +impatience were brought him, in the beginning of the evening, by a +servant, who, attending him as a guide, after having led him for about +half an hour in the dirt, through a park of vast extent, brought him at +last into a garden, into which a little door opened: he was posted +exactly opposite to this door, by which, in a short time, he was to be +introduced to a more agreeable situation; and here his conductor left +him. The night advanced, but the door never opened. + +Though the winter was almost over, the cold weather seemed only to be +beginning: he was dirtied up to his knees in mud, and soon perceived that +if he continued much longer in this garden it would all be frozen. This +beginning of a very dark and bitter night would have been unbearable to +any other; but it was nothing to a man who flattered himself to pass the +remainder of it in the height of bliss. However, he began to wonder at +so many precautions in the absence of a husband his imagination, by a +thousand delicious and tender ideas supported him some time against the +torments of impatience and the inclemency of the weather; but he felt his +imagination, notwithstanding, cooling by degrees; and two hours, which +seemed to him as tedious as two whole ages, having passed, and not the +least notice being taken of him, either from the door or from the window, +he began to reason with himself upon the posture of his affairs, and what +was the fittest conduct for him to pursue in this emergency: "What if +I should rap at this cursed door," said he; "for if my fate requires that +I should perish, it is at least more honourable to die in the house than +to be starved to death in the garden but then," continued he, "I may, +thereby, perhaps, expose a person whom some unforeseen accident may, at +this very instant, have reduced to greater perplexity than even I myself +am in." This thought supplied him with a necessary degree of patience +and fortitude against the enemies he had to contend with; he therefore +began to walk quickly to and fro, with resolution to wait, as long as he +could keep alive, the end of an adventure which had such an uncomfortable +beginning. All this was to no purpose; for though he used every effort +to keep himself warm, and though muffled up in a thick cloak, yet he +began to be benumbed in all his limbs, and the cold gained the ascendancy +over all his amorous vivacity and eagerness. Daybreak was not far off, +and judging now that, though the accursed door should even be opened, it +would be to no purpose, he returned, as well as he could, to the place +from whence he had set out upon this wonderful expedition. + +All the faggots that were in the cottage were hardly able to unfreeze +him: the more he reflected on his adventure, the circumstances attending +it appeared still the more strange and unaccountable; but so far from +accusing the charming countess, he suffered a thousand different +anxieties on her account. Sometimes he imagined that her husband might +have returned unexpectedly; sometimes, that she might suddenly have been +taken ill; in short, that some insuperable obstacle had unluckily +interposed, and prevented his happiness, notwithstanding his mistress's +kind intentions towards him. "But wherefore," said he, "did she forget +me in that cursed garden? Is it possible that she could not find a +single moment to make me at least, some sign or other, if she could +neither speak to me nor give me admittance?" He knew not which of these +conjectures to rely upon, or how to answer his own questions; but as he +flattered himself that everything would succeed better the next night, +after having vowed not to set a foot again into that unfortunate garden, +he gave orders to be awakened as soon as any person should inquire for +him: then he laid himself down in one of the worst beds in the world, and +slept as sound as if he had been in the best: he supposed that he should +not be awakened, but either by a letter or a message from Lady +Chesterfield; but he had scarce slept two hours when he was roused by the +sound of the horn and the cry of the hounds. The but which afforded him +a retreat, joining, as we before said, to the park wall, he called his +host, to know what was the occasion of that hunting, which made a noise +as if the whole pack of hounds had been in his bed-chamber. He was told +that it was my lord hunting a hare in his park. "What lord?" said he, +in great surprise. "The Earl of Chesterfield," replied the pea sant. +He was so astonished at this that at first he hid his head under the +bed-clothes, under the idea that he already saw him entering with all his +bounds; but as soon as he had a little recovered himself he began to +curse capricious fortune, no longer doubting but this jealous fool's +return had occasioned all his tribulations in the preceding night. + +It was not possible for him to sleep again, after such an alarm; he +therefore got up, that he might revolve in his mind all the stratagems +that are usually employed either to deceive, or to remove out of the way, +a jealous scoundrel of a husband, who thought fit to neglect his law-suit +in order to plague his wife. He had just finished dressing himself, and +was beginning to question his landlord, when the same servant who had +conducted him to the garden delivered him a letter, and disappeared, +without waiting for an answer. This letter was from his relation, and +was to this effect: + +"I am extremely sorry that I have innocently been accessary to bringing +you to a place, to which you were only invited to be laughed at: I +opposed this journey at first, though I was then persuaded it was wholly +suggested by her tenderness; but she has now undeceived me: she triumphs +in the trick she has played you: her husband has not stirred from hence, +but stays at home, out of complaisance to her: he treats her in the most +affectionate manner; and it was upon their reconciliation that she found +out that you had advised him to carry her into the country. She has +conceived such hatred and aversion against you for it, that I find, from +her discourse, she has not yet wholly satisfied her resentment. Console +yourself for the hatred of a person, whose heart never merited your +tenderness. Return: a longer stay in this place will but draw upon you +some fresh misfortune: for my part, I shall soon leave her: I know her, +and I thank God for it. I do not repent having pitied her at first; but +I am disgusted with an employment which but ill agrees with my way of +thinking." + +Upon reading this letter, astonishment, shame, hatred, and rage, seized +at once upon his heart: then menaces, invectives, and the desire of +vengeance, broke forth by turns, and excited his passion and resentment; +but, after he deliberately considered the matter, he resolved that it was +now the best way quietly to mount his horse, and to carry back with him +to London a severe cold, instead of the soft wishes and tender desires he +had brought from thence. He quitted this perfidious place with much +greater expedition than he had arrived at it, though his mind was far +from being occupied with such tender and agreeable ideas: however, when +he thought himself at a sufficient distance to be out of danger of +meeting Lord Chesterfield and his hounds, he chose to look back, that +he might at least have the satisfaction of seeing the prison where this +wicked enchantress was confined; but what was his surprise, when he saw a +very fine house, situated on the banks of a river, in the most delightful +and pleasant country imaginable. Neither rock nor precipice was here to +be seen; for, in reality, they were only in the letter of his perfidious +mistress. This furnished fresh cause for resentment and confusion to a +man who thought himself so well acquainted with all the wiles, as well as +weaknesses, of the fair sex; and who now found himself the dupe of a +coquette, who was reconciled to her husband in order to be revenged on +her lover. + +At last he reached London, well furnished with arguments to maintain that +a man must be extremely weak to trust to the tenderness of a woman who +has once deceived him, but that he must be a complete fool to run after +her. + +This adventure not being much to his credit, he suppressed, as much as +possible, both the journey and the circumstances attending it; but, as we +may easily suppose, Lady Chesterfield made no secret of it, the king came +to the knowledge of it; and, having complimented Hamilton upon it, +desired to be informed of all the particulars of the expedition. The +Chevalier de Grammont happened to be present at this recital; and, having +gently inveighed against the treacherous manner in which he had been +used, said: "If she is to be blamed for carrying the jest so far, you +are no less to be blamed for coming back so suddenly, like an ignorant +novice. I dare lay an hundred guineas, she has more than once repented +of a resentment which you pretty well deserved for the trick you had +played her: women love revenge; but their resentments seldom last long; +and if you had remained in the neighbourhood till the next day, I will be +hanged if she would not have given you satisfaction for the first night's +sufferings." Hamilton being of a different opinion, the Chevalier de +Grammont resolved to maintain his assertion by a case in point; and, +addressing himself to the king: "Sir," said he, "your majesty, I suppose, +must have known Marion de l'Orme, the most charming creature in all +France: though she was as witty as an angel, she was as capricious as a +devil. This beauty having made me an appointment, a whim seized her to +put me off, and to give it to another; she therefore wrote me one of the +tenderest billets in the world, full of the grief and sorrow she was in, +by being obliged to disappoint me; on account of a most terrible +headache, that obliged her to keep her bed, and deprived her of the +pleasure of seeing me till the next day. This headache coming all of a +sudden, appeared to me very suspicious; and, never doubting but it was +her intention to jilt me: 'Very well, mistress coquette,' said I to +myself, 'if you do not enjoy the pleasure of seeing me this day, you +shall not enjoy the satisfaction of seeing another.' + +"Hereupon, I detached all my servants, some of whom patrolled about her +house, whilst others watched her door; one of the latter brought me +intelligence that no person had gone into her house all the afternoon; +but that a foot-boy had gone out as it grew dark; that he followed him as +far as the Rue Saint Antoine, where this boy met another, to whom he only +spoke two or three words. This was sufficient to confirm my suspicions, +and make me resolve either to make one of the party, or to disconcert it. + + [Marion de l'Orme, born at Chalons, in Champagne, was esteemed the + most beautiful woman of her times. It is believed that she was + secretly married to the unfortunate Monsieur Cinqmars. After his + death, she became the mistress of Cardinal Richelieu, and, at last, + of Monsieur d'Emery, superintendent of the finances.] + +"As the bagnio where I lodged was at a great distance from the Marais, as +soon as the night set in I mounted my horse, without any attendant. When +I came to the Place-Royale, the servant, who was sentry there, assured me +that no person was yet gone into Mademoiselle de l'Orme's house: I rode +forward towards the Rue Saint Antoine; and, just as I was going out of +the Place-Royale, I saw a man on foot coming into it, who avoided me as +much as he possibly could; but his endeavour was all to no purpose; I +knew him to be the Duke de Brissac, and I no longer doubted but he was my +rival that night: I then approached towards him, seeming as if I feared I +mistook my man; and, alighting with a very busy air 'Brissac, my friend,' +said I, 'you must do me a service of the very greatest importance: I have +an appointment, for the first time, with a girl who lives very near this +place; and, as this visit is only to concert measures, I shall make but a +very short stay: be so kind, therefore, as to lend me your cloak, and +walk my horse about a little, until I return; but, above all, do not go +far from this place: you see that I use you freely like a friend; but you +know it is upon condition that you may take the same liberty with me.' +I took his cloak, without waiting for his answer, and he took my horse by +the bridle, and followed me with his eye; but he gained no intelligence +by this; for, after having pretended to go into a house opposite to him, +I slipped under the piazzas to Mademoiselle de l'Orme's, where the door +was opened as soon as I knocked. I was so much muffled up in Brissac's +cloak that I was taken for him: the door was immediately shut, not the +least question asked me; and having none to ask myself I went straight to +the lady's chamber. I found her upon a couch in the most agreeable and +genteelest deshabille imaginable: she never in her life looked so +handsome, nor was so greatly surprised; and, seeing her speechless and +confounded: 'What is the matter, my fair one?' said I, 'methinks this is +a headache very elegantly set off; but your headache, to all appearance, +is now gone?' 'Not in the least,' said she, 'I can scarce support it, +and you will oblige me in going away that I may go to bed.' 'As for your +going to bed, to that I have not the least objection,' said I, 'but as +for my going away, that cannot be, my little princess: the Chevalier de +Grammont is no fool; a woman does not dress herself with so much care for +nothing.' 'You will find, however,' said she, 'that it is for nothing; +for you may depend upon it that you shall be no gainer by it.' 'What!' +said I, 'after having made me an appointment!' 'Well,' replied she +hastily, 'though I had made you fifty, it still depends upon me, whether +I chose to keep them or not, and you must submit if I do not.' 'This +might do very well,' said I, 'if it was not to give it to another.' +Mademoiselle de l'Orme, as haughty as a woman of the greatest virtue, +and as passionate as one who has the least, was irritated at a suspicion +which gave her more concern than confusion; and seeing that she was +beginning to put herself in a passion: 'Madam,' said I, 'pray do not talk +in so high a strain; I know what perplexes you: you are afraid lest +Brissac should meet me here; but you may make yourself easy on that +account: I met him not far from this place, and God knows that I have so +managed the affair as to prevent his visiting you soon.' Having spoken +these words in a tone somewhat tragical, she appeared concerned at first, +and, looking upon me with surprise: 'What do you mean about the Duke de +Brissac?' said she. 'I mean,' replied I, 'that he is at the end of the +street, walking my horse about; but, if you will not believe me, send one +of your own servants thither, or look at his cloak which I left in your +ante-chamber.' Upon this she burst into a fit of laughter, in the midst +of her astonishment, and, throwing her arms around my neck, 'My dear +Chevalier,' said she, 'I can hold out no longer; you are too amiable and +too eccentric not to be pardoned.' I then told her the whole story: she +was ready to die with laughing; and, parting very good friends, she +assured me my rival might exercise horses as long as he pleased, but that +he should not set his foot within her doors that night. + +"I found the duke exactly in the place where I had left him: I asked him +a thousand pardons for having made him wait so long, and thanked him a +thousand times for his complaisance. He told me I jested, that such +compliments were unusual among friends; and to convince me that he had +cordially rendered me this piece of service, he would, by all means, hold +my horse while I was mounting. I returned him his cloak, bade him good +night, and went back to my lodgings, equally satisfied with my mistress +and my rival. This," continued he, "proves that a little patience and +address are sufficient to disarm the anger of the fair, to turn even +their tricks to a man's advantage." + +It was in vain that the Chevalier de Grammont diverted the court with his +stories, instructed by his example, and never appeared there but to +inspire universal joy; for a long time he was the only foreigner in +fashion. Fortune, jealous of the justice which is done to merit, and +desirous of seeing all human happiness depend on her caprice, raised up +against him two competitors for the pleasure he had long enjoyed of +entertaining the English court; and these competitors were so much the +more dangerous, as the reputation of their several merits had preceded +their arrival, in order to dispose the suffrages of the court in their +favour. + +They came to display, in their own persons, whatever was the most +accomplished either among the men of the sword, or of the gown. The one +was the Marquis de Flamarens, the sad object of the sad elegies of the +Countess de la Suse, the other was the president Tambonneau, the most +humble and most obedient servant and admirer of the beauteous Luynes. As +they arrived together, they exerted every endeavour to shine in concert: +their talents were as different as their persons; Tambonneau, who was +tolerably ugly, founded his hopes upon a great store of wit, which, +however, no person in England could find out; and Flamarens, by his air +and mien, courted admiration, which was flatly denied him. + +They had agreed mutually to assist each other, in order to succeed in +their intentions; and therefore, in their first visits, the one appeared +in state, and the other was the spokesman. But they found the ladies in +England of a far different taste from those who had rendered them famous +in France: the rhetoric of the one had no effect on the fair sex, and the +fine mien of the other distinguished him only in a minuet, which he first +introduced into England, and which he danced with tolerable success. +The English court had been too long accustomed to the solid wit of Saint +Evremond, and the natural and singular charms of his hero, to be seduced +by appearances; however, as the English have, in general, a sort of +predilection in favour of anything that has the appearance of bravery, +Flamarens was better received on account of a duel, which, obliging him +to leave his own country, was a recommendation to him in England. + +Miss Hamilton had, at first, the honour of being distinguished by +Tambonneau, who thought she possessed a sufficient share of wit to +discover the delicacy of his; and, being delighted to find that nothing +was lost in her conversation, either as to the turn, the expression, or +beauty of the thought, he frequently did her the favour to converse with +her; and, perhaps, he would never have found out that he was tiresome, +if, contenting himself with the display of his eloquence, he had not +thought proper to attack her heart. This was carrying the matter a +little too far for Miss Hamilton's complaisance, who was of opinion +that she had already shown him too much for the tropes of his harangues: +he was therefore desired to try somewhere else the experiment of his +seducing tongue, and not to lose the merit of his former constancy +by an infidelity which would be of no advantage to him. + +He followed this advice like a wise and tractable man; and some time +after, returning to his old mistress in France, he began to lay in a +store of politics for those important negotiations in which he has since +been employed. + +It was not till after his departure that the Chevalier de Grammont heard +of the amorous declaration he had made: this was a confidence of no great +importance; it, however, saved Tambonneau from some ridicule which might +have fallen to his share before he went away. His colleague, Flamarens, +deprived of his support, soon perceived that he was not likely to meet in +England with the success he had expected, both from love and fortune: but +Lord Falmouth, ever attentive to the glory of his master, in the relief +of illustrious men in distress, provided for his subsistence, and Lady +Southesk for his pleasures: he obtained a pension from the king, and from +her everything he desired; and most happy was it for him that she had no +other present to bestow but that of her heart. + +It was at this time that Talbot, whom we have before mentioned, and +who was afterwards created Duke of Tyrconnel, fell in love with Miss +Hamilton. There was not a more genteel man at court: he was indeed but +a younger brother, though of a very ancient family, which, however, was +not very considerable either for its renown or its riches; and though he +was naturally of a careless disposition, yet, being intent upon making +his fortune, and much in favour with the Duke of York, and fortune +likewise favouring him at play, he had improved both so well that he was +in possession of about forty thousand pounds a year in land. He offered +himself to Miss Hamilton, with this fortune, together with the almost +certain hopes of being made a peer of the realm, by his master's credit; +and, over-and-above all, as many sacrifices as she could desire of Lady +Shrewsbury's letters, pictures, and hair; curiosities which, indeed, are +reckoned for nothing in housekeeping, but which testify strongly in +favour of the sincerity and merit of a lover. + +Such a rival was not to be despised; and the Chevalier de Grammont +thought him the more dangerous, as he perceived that Talbot was +desperately in love; that he was not a man to be discouraged by a first +repulse; that he had too much sense and good breeding to draw upon +himself either contempt or coldness by too great eagerness; and, besides +this, his brothers began to frequent the house. One of these brothers +was almoner to the queen, an intriguing Jesuit, and a great match-maker: +the other was what was called a lay-monk, who had nothing of his order +but the immorality and infamy of character which is ascribed to them; and +withal, frank and free, and sometimes entertaining, but ever ready to +speak bold and offensive truths, and to do good offices. + +When the Chevalier de Grammont reflected upon all these things, there +certainly was strong ground for uneasiness: nor was the indifference +which Miss Hamilton showed for the addresses of his rival sufficient to +remove his fears; for being absolutely dependent on her father's will, +she could only answer for her own intentions: but Fortune, who seemed to +have taken him under her protection in England, now delivered him from +all his uneasiness. + +Talbot had for many years stood forward as the patron of the distressed +Irish: this zeal for his countrymen was certainly very commendable in +itself; at the same time, however, it was not altogether free from +self-interest: for, out of all the estates he had, through his credit, +procured the restoration of to their primitive owners, he had always +obtained some small compensation for himself; but, as each owner found +his advantage in it, no complaint was made. Nevertheless, as it is very +difficult to use fortune and favour with moderation, and not to swell +with the gales of prosperity, some of his proceedings had an air of +haughtiness and independence, which offended the Duke of Ormond, then +Lord Lieutenant of Ireland, as injurious to his Grace's authority. The +Duke resented this behaviour with great spirit. As there certainly was +a great difference between them, both as to their birth and rank, and +to their credit, it had been prudent in Talbot to have had recourse to +apologies and submission; but such conduct appeared to him base, and +unworthy for a man of his importance to submit to: he accordingly acted +with haughtiness and insolence; but he was soon convinced of his error; +for, having inconsiderately launched out into some arrogant expressions, +which it neither became him to utter nor the Duke of Ormond to forgive, +he was sent prisoner to the Tower, from whence he could not be released +until he had made all necessary submissions to his Grace: he therefore +employed all his friends for that purpose, and was obliged to yield more +to get out of this scrape than would have been necessary to have avoided +it. By this imprudent conduct he lost all hopes of marrying into a +family, which, after such a proceeding, was not likely to listen to any +proposal from him. + + [A very exact account of this transaction is given by Lord + Clarendon, by which it appears, that Talbot was committed to the + Tower for threatening to assassinate the Duke of Ormond. + --Continuation of Clarendon, p. 362.] + +It was with great difficulty and mortification that he was obliged to +suppress a passion which had made far greater progress in his heart than +this quarrel had done good to his affairs. This being the case, he was +of opinion that his presence was necessary in Ireland, and that he was +better out of the way of Miss Hamilton, to remove those impressions which +still troubled his repose: his departure, therefore, soon followed this +resolution. + +Talbot played deep, and was tolerably forgetful: the Chevalier de +Grammont won three or four hundred guineas of him the very evening on +which he was sent to the Tower. That accident had made him forget his +usual punctuality in paying the next morning whatever he had lost +over-night; and this debt had so far escaped his memory, that it never +once occurred to him after he was enlarged. The Chevalier de Grammont, +who saw him at his departure, without taking the least notice of the +money he owed him, wished him a good journey; and, having met him at +court, as he came to take his leave of the king: "Talbot," said he, "if +my services can be of any use to you during your absence, you have but to +command them: you know old Russell has left his nephew as his resident +with Miss Hamilton: if you please, I will act for you in the same +capacity. Adieu, God bless you: be sure not to fall sick upon the road; +but if you should, pray remember me in your will." Talbot, who, upon +this compliment, immediately recollected the money he owed the Chevalier, +burst out a-laughing, and embracing him: "My dear Chevalier," said he, "I +am so much obliged to you for your offer, that I resign you my mistress, +and will send you your money instantly." The Chevalier de Grammont +possessed a thousand of these genteel ways of refreshing the memories of +those persons who were apt to be forgetful in their payments. The +following is the method he used some years after with Lord Cornwallis: +this lord had married the daughter of Sir Stephen Fox,--treasurer of the +king's household, one of the richest and most regular men in England. +His son-in-law, on the contrary, was a young spendthrift, was very +extravagant, loved gaming, lost as much as any one would trust him, but +was not quite so ready at paying. His father-in-law disapproved of his +conduct, paid his debts, and gave him a lecture at the same time. The +Chevalier de Grammont had won of him a thousand or twelve hundred +guineas, which he heard no tidings of, although he was upon the eve of +his departure, and he had taken leave of Cornwallis in a more particular +manner than any other person. This obliged the Chevalier to write him a +billet, which was rather laconic. It was this: + + "MY LORD, + + "Pray remember the Count de Grammont, and do not forget Sir Stephen + Fox." + +To return to Talbot: he went away more concerned than became a man who +had voluntarily resigned his mistress to another: neither his stay in +Ireland, nor his solicitude about his domestic affairs, perfectly cured +him; and if at his return he found himself disengaged from Miss +Hamilton's chains, it was only to exchange them for others. The +alteration that had taken place in the two courts occasioned this +change in him, as we shall see in the sequel. + +We have hitherto only mentioned the queen's maids of honour, upon account +of Miss Stewart and Miss Warmestre the others were Miss Bellenden, +Mademoiselle de la Garde and Mademoiselle Bardou, all maids of honour, +as it pleased God. + +Miss Bellenden was no beauty, but was a good-natured girl, whose chief +merit consisted in being plump and fresh-coloured; and who, not having a +sufficient stock of wit to be a coquette in form, used all her endeavours +to please every person by her complaisance. Mademoiselle de la Garde, +and Mademoiselle Bardou, both French, had been preferred to their places +by the queen dowager: the first was a little brunette, who was +continually meddling in the affairs of her companions; and the other by +all means claimed the rank of a maid of honour, though she only lodged +with the others, and both her title and services were constantly +contested. + +It was hardly possible for a woman to be more ugly, with so fine a shape; +but as a recompense, her ugliness was set off with every art. The use +she was put to, was to dance with Flamarens, and sometimes, towards the +conclusion of a ball, possessed of castanets and effrontery, she would +dance some figured saraband or other, which amused the court. Let us now +see in what manner this ended. + +As Miss Stewart was very seldom in waiting on the queen, she was scarcely +considered as a maid of honour: the others went off almost at the same +time, by different adventures; and this is the history of Miss Warmestre, +whom we have before mentioned, when speaking of the Chevalier de +Grammont. + +Lord Taaffe, eldest son of the Earl of Carlingford, was supposed to be +in love with her; and Miss Warmestre not only imagined it was so, but +likewise persuaded herself that he would not fail to marry her the first +opportunity; and in the mean time she thought it her duty to entertain +him with all the civility imaginable. Taaffe had made the Duke of +Richmond his confidant: these two were particularly attached to each +other; but still more so to wine. The Duke of Richmond, notwithstanding +his birth, made but an indifferent figure at court; and the king +respected him still less than his courtiers did: and perhaps it was in +order to court his majesty's favour that he thought proper to fall in +love with Miss Stewart. The Duke and Lord Taaffe made each other the +confidants of their respective engagements; and these were the measures +they took to put their designs in execution. Little Mademoiselle de la +Gardet was charged to acquaint Miss Stewart that the Duke of Richmond +was dying of love for her, and that when he ogled her in public it was +a certain sign that he was ready to marry her, as soon as ever she would +consent. + +Taaffe had no commission to give the little ambassadress for Miss +Warmestre; for there everything was already arranged; but she was charged +to settle and provide some conveniences which were still wanting for the +freedom of their commerce, such as to have free egress and regress to her +at all hours of the day or night: this appeared difficult to be obtained, +but it was, however, at length accomplished. + +The governess of the maids of honour, who for the world would not have +connived at anything that was not fair and honourable, consented that +they should sup as often as they pleased in Miss Warmestre's apartments, +provided their intentions were honourable, and she one of the company. +The good old lady was particularly fond of green oysters, and had no +aversion to Spanish wine: she was certain of finding at every one of +these suppers two barrels of oysters; one to be eaten with the party, and +the other for her to carry away: as soon, therefore, as she had taken her +dose of wine, she took her leave of the company. + +It was much about the time that the Chevalier de Grammont had cast his +eyes upon Miss Warmestre, that this kind of life was led in her chamber. +God knows how many ham pies, bottles of wine, and other products of his +lordship's liberality were there consumed! + +In the midst of these nocturnal festivals, and of this innocent commerce, +a relation of Killegrew's came up to London about a lawsuit: he gained +his cause, but nearly lost his senses. + +He was a country gentleman, who had been a widower about six months, and +was possessed of fifteen or sixteen thousand pounds a-year: the good man, +who had no business at court, went thither merely to see his cousin +Killegrew, who could have dispensed with his visits. He there saw Miss +Warmestre; and at first sight fell in love with her. His passion +increased to such a degree that, having no rest either by day or night, +he was obliged to have recourse to extraordinary remedies; he therefore +early one morning called upon his cousin Killegrew, told him his case, +and desired him to demand Miss Warmestre in marriage for him. + +Killegrew was struck with wonder and astonishment when he heard his +design: nor could he cease wondering at what sort of creature, of all the +women in London, his cousin had resolved upon marrying. It was some time +before Killegrew could believe that he was in earnest; but when he was +convinced that he was, he began to enumerate the dangers and +inconveniences attending so rash an enterprise. He told him that a girl +educated at court, was a terrible piece of furniture for the country; +that to carry her thither against her inclination, would as effectually +rob him of his happiness and repose, as if he was transported to hell; +that if he consented to let her stay, he needed only to compute what it +would cost him in equipage, table, clothes, and gaming-money, to maintain +her in London according to her caprices; and then to cast up how long his +fifteen thousand a-year would last. + +His cousin had already formed this computation; but, finding his reason +less potent than his love, he remained fixed in his resolution; and +Killegrew, yielding at length to his importunities, went and offered his +cousin, bound hand and foot, to the victorious fair. As he dreaded +nothing more than a compliance on her part, so nothing could astonish him +more than the contempt with which she received his proposal. The scorn +with which she refused him, made him believe that she was sure of Lord +Taaffe, and wonder how a girl like her could find out two men who would +venture to marry her. He hastened to relate this refusal, with all the +most aggravating circumstances, as the best news he could carry to his +cousin; but his cousin would not believe him: he supposed that Killegrew +disguised the truth, for the same reasons he had already alleged; and not +daring to mention the matter any more to him, he resolved to wait upon +her himself. He summoned all his courage for the enterprise, and got his +compliment by heart; but as soon as he had opened his mouth for the +purpose, she told him he might have saved himself the trouble of calling +on her about such a ridiculous affair; that she had already given her +answer to Killegrew; and that she neither had, nor ever should have, any +other to give; which words she accompanied with all the severity with +which importunate demands are usually refused. + +He was more affected than confounded at this repulse: everything became +odious to him in London, and he himself more so than all the rest: he +therefore left town, without taking leave of his cousin, went back to his +country seat, and thinking it would be impossible for him to live without +the inhuman fair, he resolved to neglect no opportunity in his power to +hasten his death. + +But whilst, in order to indulge his sorrow, he had forsaken all +intercourse with dogs and horses; that is to say, renounced all the +delights and endearments of a country squire, the scornful nymph, who was +certainly mistaken in her reckoning, took the liberty of being brought +to-bed in the face of the whole court. + +An adventure so public made no small noise, as we may very well +imagine: all the prudes at court at once broke loose upon it; and those +principally, whose age or persons secured them from any such scandal, +were the most inveterate, and cried most loudly for justice. But the +governess of the maids of honour, who might have been called to an +account for it, affirmed that it was nothing at all, and that she was +possessed of circumstances which would at once silence all censorious +tongues. She had an audience of the queen, in order to unfold the +mystery; and related to her majesty how everything had passed with her +consent, that is to say, upon honourable terms. + +The queen sent to inquire of Lord Taaffe, whether he acknowledged Miss +Warmestre for his wife: to which he most respectfully returned for +answer, that he neither acknowledged Miss Warmestre nor her child, and +that he wondered why she should rather father it upon him than any other. +The unfortunate Warmestre, more enraged at this answer than at the loss +of such a lover, quitted the court as soon as ever she was able, with a +resolution of quitting the world the first opportunity. + +Killegrew, being upon the point of setting out upon a journey, when this +adventure happened, thought he might as well call upon his afflicted +cousin in his way, to acquaint him with the circumstance; and as soon as +he saw him, without paying any attention to the delicacy of his love, or +to his feelings, he bluntly told him the whole story: nor did he omit any +colouring that could heighten his indignation, in order to make him burst +with shame and resentment. + +We read that the gentle Tiridates quietly expired upon the recital of the +death of Mariamne; but Killegrew's fond cousin falling devoutly upon his +knees, and lifting up his eyes to Heaven, poured forth this exclamation: + +"Praised be the Lord for a small misfortune, which perhaps may prove +the comfort of my life! Who knows but the beauteous Warmestre will now +accept of me for a husband; and that I may have the happiness of passing +the remainder of my days with a woman I adore, and by whom I may expect +to have heirs?" "Certainly," said Killegrew, more confounded than his +cousin ought to have been on such an occasion, "you may depend upon +having both: I make no manner of doubt but she will marry you as soon as +ever she is recovered from her lying-in; and it would be a great +ill-nature in her, who already knows the way, to let you want children: +however, in the meantime I advise you to take that she has already, +till you get more." + +Notwithstanding this raillery, all that was said did take place. This +faithful lover courted her, as if she had been the chaste Lucretia, or +the beauteous Helen: his passion even increased after marriage, and the +generous fair, first out of gratitude, and afterwards through +inclination, never brought him a child of which he was not the father; +and though there have been many a happy couple in England, this certainly +was the happiest. + +Some time after, Miss Bellenden, not being terrified by this example, +had the prudence to quit the court before she was obliged so to do: the +disagreeable Bardou followed her soon after; but for different reasons. +Every person was at last completely tired of her saraband, as well as of +her face; and the king, that he might see neither of them any more, gave +each a small pension for her subsistence. There now only remained little +Mademoiselle de la Garde to be provided for neither her virtues nor her +vices were sufficiently conspicuous to occasion her being either +dismissed from court, or pressed to remain there: God knows what would +have become of her, if a Mr. Silvius, a man who had nothing of a Roman in +him except the name, had not taken the poor girl to be his wife. We have +now shown how all these damsels deserved to be expelled, either for their +irregularities, or for their ugliness; and yet, those who replaced them +found means to make them regretted, Miss Wells only excepted. + +She was a tall girl, exquisitely shaped: she dressed very genteel, walked +like a goddess; and yet, her face, though made like those that generally +please the most, was unfortunately one of those that pleased the least: +nature had spread over it a certain careless indolence that made her look +sheepish. This gave but a bad opinion of her wit: and her wit had the +ill-luck to make good that opinion: however, as she was fresh coloured, +and appeared inexperienced, the king, whom the fair Stewart did not +render over nice as to the perfections of the mind, resolved to try +whether the senses would not fare better with Miss Wells's person than +fine sentiments with her understanding: nor was this experiment attended +with much difficulty: she was of a loyal family; and her father having +faithfully served Charles the First, she thought it her duty not to +revolt against Charles the Second. But this connection was not attended +with very advantageous circumstances for herself; some pretended that she +did not hold out long enough, and that she surrendered at discretion +before she was vigorously attacked; and others said, that his majesty +complained of certain other facilities still less pleasing. The Duke of +Buckingham made a couplet upon this occasion, wherein the king, speaking +to Progers, the confidant of his intrigues, puns upon the name of the +fair one, to the following purport: + + When the king felt the horrible depth of this Well, + "Tell me, Progers," cried Charlie, "where am I? oh tell! + Had I sought the world's centre to find, I had found it, + But this Well! ne'er a plummet was made that could sound it." + + [Edward Progers, Esq., was a younger son of Philip Progers, Esq., of + the family of Garreddin, in Monmouthshire. His father was a colonel + in the army, and equerry to James I. Edward was early introduced to + court, and, after having been page to Charles I., was made groom of + the bed-chamber to his son, while Prince of Wales. He attached + himself to the king's interest during the war with the parliament, + with laudable fidelity. The following letter, from which + antiquaries may derive the minute information that Charles II. did + wear mourning for a whole year for his father, serves to shew the + familiar style which Charles used to Progers, as well as his + straitened circumstances while in the island of Jersey. + + "Progers, I wold have you (besides the embroidred sute) bring me a + plaine riding suite, with an innocent coate, the suites I haue for + horsebacke being so spotted and spoiled that they are not to be + seene out of this island. The lining of the coate, and the petit + toies are referred to your greate discretion, provided there want + nothing when it comes to be put on. I doe not remember there was a + belt, or a hat-band, in your directions for the embroidred suite, + and those are so necessarie as you must not forget them. + + "Jearsey, 14th Jan. old stile, 1649. CHARLES R."] + +Miss Wells, notwithstanding this species of anagram upon her name, and +these remarks upon her person, shone the brightest among her new +companions. These were Miss Levingston, Miss Fielding, and Miss Boynton, +who little deserve to be mentioned in these memoirs; therefore we shall +leave them in obscurity until it please fortune to draw them out of it. + +This was the new establishment of maids of honour to the queen. The +Duchess of York, nearly about the same time, likewise recruited hers; but +showed, by a happier and more brilliant choice, that England possessed an +inexhaustible stock of beauties. But before we begin to speak of them, +let us see who were the first maids of honour to her royal highness, and +on what account they were removed. + +Besides Miss Blague and Miss Price, whom we have before mentioned, the +establishment was composed of Miss Bagot and Miss Hobart, the president +of the community. Miss Blague, who never knew the true reason of her +quarrel with the Marquis de Brisacier, took it up upon that fatal letter +she had received from him, wherein, without acquainting her that Miss +Price was to wear the same sort of gloves and yellow riband as herself, +he had only complimented her upon her hair, her fair complexion, and her +eyes marcassins. This word she imagined must signify something +particularly wonderful, since her eyes were compared to it; and being +desirous, some time afterwards, to know all the energy of the expression, +she asked the meaning of the French word marcassin. As there are no wild +boars in England, those to whom she addressed herself, told her that it +signified a young pig. This scandalous simile confirmed her in the +belief she entertained of his perfidy. Brisacier, more amazed at her +change, than she was offended at his supposed calumny, looked upon her +as a woman still more capricious than insignificant, and never troubled +himself more about her; but Sir Yarborough, of as fair a complexion as +herself, made her an offer of marriage in the height of her resentment, +and was accepted: chance made up this match, I suppose, as an experiment +to try what such a white-haired union would produce. + +Miss Price was witty; and as her person was not very likely to attract +many admirers, which, however, she was resolved to have, she was far from +being coy when an occasion offered: she did not so much as make any +terms: she was violent in her resentments, as well as in her attachments, +which had exposed her to some inconveniences; and she had very +indiscreetly quarrelled with a young girl whom Lord Rochester admired. +This connection, which till then had been a secret, she had the +imprudence to publish to the whole world, and thereby drew upon herself +the most dangerous enemy in the universe: never did any man write with +more ease, humour, spirit, and delicacy; but he was at the same time the +most severe satirist. + +Poor Miss Price, who had thus voluntarily provoked his resentment, was +daily exposed in some new shape: there was every day some new song or +other, the subject of which was her conduct, and the burden her name. +How was it possible for her to bear up against these attacks, in a court, +where every person was eager to obtain the most insignificant trifle that +came from the pen of Lord Rochester? The loss of her lover, and the +discovery that attended it, was only wanting to complete the persecution +that was raised against her. + +About this time died Dongan, a gentleman of merit, who was succeeded by +Durfort, afterwards Earl of Feversham, in the post of lieutenant of the +duke's life guards. Miss Price having tenderly loved him, his death +plunged her into a gulf of despair; but the inventory of his effects had +almost deprived her of her senses: there was in it a certain little box +sealed up on all sides: it was addressed in the deceased's own +handwriting to Miss Price; but instead of receiving it, she had not even +the courage to look upon it. The governess thought it became her in +prudence to receive it, on Miss Price's refusal, and her duty to deliver +it to the duchess herself, supposing it was filled with many curious and +precious commodities, of which perhaps she might make some advantage. +Though the duchess was not altogether of the same opinion, she had the +curiosity to see what was contained in a box sealed up in a manner so +particularly careful, and therefore caused it to be opened in the +presence of some ladies, who happened then to be in her closet. + +All kinds of love trinkets were found in it; and all these favours, it +appeared, came from the tender-hearted Miss Price. It was difficult to +comprehend how a single person could have furnished so great a +collection; for, besides counting the pictures, there was hair of all +descriptions, wrought into bracelets, lockets, and into a thousand other +different devices, wonderful to see. After these were three or four +packets of letters, of so tender a nature, and so full of raptures and +languors so naturally expressed, that the duchess could not endure the +reading of any more than the two first. + +Her royal highness was sorry that she had caused the box to be opened in +such good company; for being before such witnesses, she rightly judged it +was impossible to stifle this adventure; and, at the same time, there +being no possibility of retaining any longer such a maid of honour, Miss +Price had her valuables restored to her, with orders to go and finish her +lamentations, or to console herself for the loss of her lover, in some +other place. + +Miss Hobart's character was at that time as uncommon in England, as her +person was singular, in a country where, to be young, and not to be in +some degree handsome, is a reproach; she had a good shape, rather a bold +air, and a great deal of wit, which was well cultivated, without having +much discretion. She was likewise possessed of a great deal of vivacity, +with an irregular fancy: there was a great deal of fire in her eyes, +which, however, produced no effect upon the beholders and she had a +tender heart, whose sensibility some pretended was alone in favour +of the fair sex. + +Miss Bagot was the first that gained her tenderness and affection, which +she returned at first with equal warmth and sincerity; but perceiving +that all her friendship was insufficient to repay that of Miss Hobart, +she yielded the conquest to the governess's niece, who thought herself as +much honoured by it as her aunt thought herself obliged by the care she +took of the young girl. + +It was not long before the report, whether true or false, of this +singularity, spread through the whole court, where people, being yet so +uncivilized as never to have heard of that kind of refinement in love +of ancient Greece, imagined that the illustrious Hobart, who seemed so +particularly attached to the fair sex, was in reality something more +than she appeared to be. + +Satirical ballads soon began to compliment her upon these new attributes; +and upon the insinuations that were therein made, her companions began to +fear her. The governess, alarmed at these reports, consulted Lord +Rochester upon the danger to which her niece was exposed. She could not +have applied to a fitter person: he immediately advised her to take her +niece out of the hands of Miss Hobart; and contrived matters so well that +she fell into his own. The duchess, who had too much generosity not to +treat as visionary what was imputed to Miss Hobart, and too much justice +to condemn her upon the faith of lampoons, removed her from the society +of the maids of honour, to be an attendant upon her own person. + +Miss Bagot was the only one who was really possessed of virtue and beauty +among these maids of honour: she had beautiful and regular features, and +that sort of brown complexion, which, when in perfection, is so +particularly fascinating, and more especially in England, where it is +uncommon. There was an involuntary blush almost continually upon her +cheek, without having anything to blush for. Lord Falmouth cast his eyes +upon her: his addresses were better received than those of Miss Hobart, +and some time after Cupid raised her from the post of maid of honour to +the duchess to a rank which might have been envied by all the young +ladies in England. + +The Duchess of York, in order to form her new court, resolved to see all +the young persons that offered themselves, and, without any regard to +recommendations, to choose none but the handsomest. + +At the head of this new assembly appeared Miss Jennings and Miss Temple; +and indeed they so entirely eclipsed the other two, that we shall speak +of them only. + +Miss Jennings, adorned with all the blooming treasures of youth, had the +fairest and brightest complexion that ever was seen: her hair was of a +most beauteous flaxen: there was something particularly lively and +animated in her countenance, which preserved her from that insipidity +which is frequently an attendant on a complexion so extremely fair. Her +mouth was not the smallest, but it was the handsomest mouth in the world. +Nature had endowed her with all those charms which cannot be expressed, +and the graces had given the finishing stroke to them. The turn of her +face was exquisitely fine, and her swelling neck was as fair and as +bright as her face. In a word, her person gave the idea of Aurora, or +the goddess of the spring, "such as youthful poets fancy when they love." +But as it would have been unjust that a single person should have +engrossed all the treasures of beauty without any defect, there was +something wanting in her hands and arms to render them worthy of the +rest: her nose was not the most elegant, and her eyes gave some relief, +whilst her mouth and her other charms pierced the heart with a thousand +darts. + +With this amiable person she was full of wit and sprightliness, and all +her actions and motions were unaffected and easy: her conversation was +bewitching, when she had a mind to please; piercing and delicate when +disposed to raillery; but as her imagination was subject to flights, +and as she began to speak frequently before she had done thinking, her +expressions did not always convey what she wished; sometimes exceeding, +and at others falling short of her ideas. + +Miss Temple, nearly of the same age, was brown compared with the other: +she had a good shape, fine teeth, languishing, eyes, a fresh complexion, +an agreeable smile, and a lively air. Such was the outward form; but it +would be difficult to describe the rest; for she was simple and vain, +credulous and suspicious, coquettish and prudent, very self-sufficient +and very silly. + +As soon as these new stars appeared at the duchess's court, all eyes were +fixed upon them, and every one formed some design upon one or other of +them, some with honourable, and others with dishonest intentions. Miss +Jennings soon distinguished herself, and left her companions no other +admirers but such as remained constant from hopes of success: her +brilliant charms attracted at first sight, and the charms of her wit +secured her conquests. + +The Duke of York having persuaded himself that she was part of his +property, resolved to pursue his claim by the same title whereby his +brother had appropriated to himself the favours of Miss Wells; but he did +not find her inclined to enter into his service, though she had engaged +in that of the duchess. She would not pay any attention to the perpetual +ogling with which he at first attacked her. Her eyes were always +wandering on other objects, when those of his royal highness were looking +for them; and if by chance he caught any casual glance, she did not even +blush. This made him resolve to change his manner of attack: ogling +having proved ineffectual, he took an opportunity to speak to her; and +this was still worse. I know not in what strain he told his case; but it +is certain the oratory of the tongue was not more prevailing than the +eloquence of his eyes. + +Miss Jennings had both virtue and pride, and the proposals of the duke +were consistent with neither the one nor the other. Although from her +great vivacity one might suppose that she was not capable of much +reflection, yet she had furnished herself with some very salutary maxims +for the conduct of a young person of her age. The first was, that a lady +ought to be young to enter the court with advantage, and not old to leave +it with a good grace: that she could not maintain herself there but by a +glorious resistance, or by illustrious foibles and that, in so dangerous +a situation, she ought to use her utmost endeavours not to dispose of her +heart until she gave her hand. + +Entertaining such sentiments, she had far less trouble to resist the +duke's temptations, than to disengage herself from his perseverance: she +was deaf to all treaties for a settlement, with which her ambition was +sounded: and all offers of presents succeeded still worse. What was then +to be done to conquer an extravagant virtue that would not hearken to +reason? He was ashamed to suffer a giddy young girl to escape, whose +inclinations ought in some manner to correspond with the vivacity that +shone forth in all her actions, and who nevertheless thought proper to be +serious when no such thing as seriousness was required of her. + +After he had attentively considered her obstinate behaviour, he thought +that writing might perhaps succeed, though ogling, speeches, and +embassies had failed. Paper receives everything, but it unfortunately +happened that she would not receive the paper. Every day billets, +containing the tenderest expressions, and most magnificent promises, were +slipped into her pockets, or into her muff: this, however, could not be +done unperceived; and the malicious little gipsy took care that those who +saw them slip in, should likewise see them fall out, unperused and +unopened; she only shook her muff, or pulled out her handkerchief; as +soon as ever his back was turned, his billets fell about her like +hail-stones, and whoever pleased might take them up. The duchess was +frequently a witness of this conduct, but could not find in her heart to +chide her for her want of respect to the duke. After this, the charms +and prudence of Miss Jennings were the only subjects of conversation in +the two courts: the courtiers could not comprehend how a young creature, +brought directly from the country to court, should so soon become its +ornament by her attractions, and its example by her conduct. + +The king was of opinion that those who had attacked her had ill-concerted +their measures; for he thought it unnatural that she should neither be +tempted by promises, nor gained by importunity: she, especially, who in +all probability had not imbibed such severe precepts from the prudence of +her mother, who had never tasted any thing more delicious than the plums +and apricots of Saint Albans. Being resolved to try her himself, he was +particularly pleased with the great novelty that appeared in the turn of +her wit, and in the charms of her person; and curiosity, which at first +induced him to make the trial, was soon changed into a desire of +succeeding in the experiment. God knows what might have been the +consequence, for he greatly excelled in wit, and besides he was king: +two qualities of no small consideration. The resolutions of the fair +Jennings were commendable, and very judicious; but yet she was +wonderfully pleased with wit; and royal majesty prostrate at the feet +of a young person, is very persuasive. Miss Stewart, however, would +not consent to the king's project. + +She immediately took the alarm, and desired his majesty to leave to the +duke, his brother, the care of tutoring the duchess's maids of honour, +and only to attend to the management of his own flock, unless his majesty +would in return allow her to listen to certain proposals of a settlement +which she did not think disadvantageous. This menace being of a serious +nature, the king obeyed; and Miss Jennings had all the additional honour +which arose from this adventure: it both added to her reputation, and +increased the number of her admirers. Thus she continued to triumph over +the liberties of others without ever losing her own: her hour was not yet +come, but it was not far distant; the particulars of which we shall +relate as soon as we have given some account of the conduct of her +companion. + +Though Miss Temple's person was particularly engaging, it was +nevertheless eclipsed by that of Miss Jennings; but she was still more +excelled by the other's superior mental accomplishments. Two persons, +very capable to impart understanding, had the gift been communicable, +undertook at the same time to rob her of the little she really possessed: +these were Lord Rochester and Miss Hobart: the first began to mislead her +by reading to her all his compositions, as if she alone had been a proper +judge of them. He never thought proper to flatter her upon her personal +accomplishments; but told her that if heaven had made him susceptible of +the impressions of beauty, it would not have been possible for him to +have escaped her chains; but not being, thank God, affected with anything +but wit, he had the happiness of enjoying the most agreeable conversation +in the world without running any risk. After so sincere a confession he +either presented to her a copy of verses, or a new song, in which whoever +dared to come in competition in any respect with Miss Temple was laid +prostrate before her charms, most humbly to solicit pardon: such +flattering insinuations so completely turned her head that it was +a pity to see her. + +The duchess took notice of it, and well knowing the extent of both their +geniuses, she saw the precipice into which the poor girl was running +headlong without perceiving it; but as it is no less dangerous to forbid +a connection that is not yet thought of, than it is difficult to put an +end to one that is already well established, Miss Hobart was charged to +take care, with all possible discretion, that these frequent and long +conversations might not be attended with any dangerous consequences: with +pleasure she accepted the commission, and greatly flattered herself with +success. + +She had already made all necessary advances to gain possession of her +confidence and friendship; and Miss Temple, less suspicious of her than +of Lord Rochester, made all imaginable returns. She was greedy of +praise, and loved all manner of sweetmeats, as much as a child of nine or +ten years old: her taste was gratified in both these respects. Miss +Hobart having the superintendence of the duchess's baths, her apartment +joined them, in which there was a closet stored with all sorts of +sweetmeats and liqueurs: the closet suited Miss Temple's taste, as +exactly as it gratified Miss Hobart's inclination, to have something that +could allure her. + +Summer, being now returned, brought back with it the pleasures and +diversions that are its inseparable attendants. One day, when the ladies +had been taking the air on horseback, Miss Temple, on her return from +riding, alighted at Miss Hobart's, in order to recover her fatigue at the +expense of the sweetmeats, which she knew were there at her service; but +before she began she desired Miss Hobart's permission to undress herself, +and change her linen in her apartment; which request was immediately +complied with: "I was just going to propose it to you," said Miss Hobart, +"not but that you are as charming as an angel in your riding habit; but +there is nothing so comfortable as a loose dress, and being at one's +ease: you cannot imagine, my dear Temple," continued she, embracing her, +"how much you oblige me by thus free unceremonious conduct; but, above +all, I am enchanted with your particular attention to cleanliness: how +greatly you differ in this, as in many other things, from that silly +creature Jennings! Have you remarked how all our court fops admire her +for her brilliant complexion, which perhaps, after all, is not wholly her +own; and for blunders, which are truly original, and which they are such +fools as to mistake for wit: I have not conversed with her long enough to +perceive in what her wit consists; but of this I am certain, that if it +is not better than her feet, it is no great matter. What stories have I +heard of her sluttishness! No cat ever dreaded water so much as she +does: fie upon her! Never to wash for her own comfort, and only to +attend to those parts which must necessarily be seen, such as the neck +and hands." + +Miss Temple swallowed all this with even greater pleasure than the +sweetmeats; and the officious Hobart, not to lose time, was helping her +off with her clothes, while the chambermaid was coming. She made some +objections to this at first, being unwilling to occasion that trouble to +a person, who, like Miss Hobart, had been advanced to a place of dignity; +but she was overruled by her, and assured that it was with the greatest +pleasure she showed her that small mark of civility. The collation being +finished, and Miss Temple undressed: "Let us retire," said Miss Hobart, +"to the bathing closet, where we may enjoy a little conversation secure +from any impertinent visit." Miss Temple consented, and both of them +sitting down on a couch: "You are too young, my dear Temple," said she, +"to know the baseness of men in general, and too short a time acquainted +with the court to know the character of its inhabitants. I will give you +a short sketch of the principal persons, to the best of my knowledge, +without injury to any one; for I abominate the trade of scandal. + +"In the first place, then, you ought to set it down as an undoubted fact +that all courtiers are deficient either in honesty, good sense, judgment, +wit, or sincerity; that is to say, if any of them by chance possess some +one of these qualities, you may depend upon it he is defective in the +rest: sumptuous in their equipages, deep play, a great opinion of their +own merit, and contempt of that of others, are their chief +characteristics. + +"Interest or pleasure are the motives of all their actions: those who are +led by the first would sell God Almighty, as Judas sold his Master, and +that for less money. I could relate you a thousand noble instances of +this, if I had time. As for the sectaries of pleasure, or those who +pretend to be such, for they are not all so bad as they endeavour to make +themselves appear, these gentlemen pay no manner of regard either to +promises, oaths, law, or religion; that is to say, they are literally no +respecters of persons; they care neither for God nor man, if they can but +gain their ends. They look upon maids of honour only as amusements, +placed expressly at court for their entertainment; and the more merit any +one has, the more she is exposed to their impertinence, if she gives any +ear to them; and to their malicious calumnies, when she ceases to attend +to them. As for husbands, this is not the place to find them; for unless +money or caprice make up the match, there is but little hopes of being +married: virtue and beauty in this respect here are equally useless. +Lady Falmouth is the only instance of a maid of honour well married +without a portion; and if you were to ask her poor weak husband for what +reason he married her, I am persuaded that he can assign none, unless it +be her great red ears and broad feet. As for the pale Lady Yarborough, +who appeared so proud of her match, she is wife, to be sure, of a great +country bumpkin, who, the very week after their marriage, bid her take +her farewell of the town for ever, in consequence of five or six thousand +pounds a year he enjoys on the borders of Cornwall. Alas! poor Miss +Blague! I saw her go away about this time twelvemonth, in a coach with +four such lean horses, that I cannot believe she is yet half way to her +miserable little castle. What can be the matter! all the girls seem +afflicted with the rage of wedlock, and however small their portion of +charms may be, they think it only necessary to show themselves at court +in order to pick and choose their men: but was this in reality the case, +the being a wife is the most wretched condition imaginable for a person +of nice sentiments. Believe me, my dear Temple, the pleasures of +matrimony are so inconsiderable in comparison with its inconveniences, +that I cannot imagine how any reasonable creature can resolve upon it: +rather fly, therefore, from this irksome engagement than court it. +Jealousy, formerly a stranger to these happy isles, is now coming into +fashion, with many recent examples of which you are acquainted. However +brilliant the phantom may appear, suffer not yourself to be caught by its +splendour, and never be so weak as to transform your slave into your +tyrant: as long as you preserve your own liberty, you will be mistress of +that of others. I will relate to you a very recent proof of the perfidy +of man to our sex, and of the impunity they experience in all attempts +upon our innocence. The Earl of Oxford fell in love with a handsome, +graceful actress belonging to the duke's theatre, who performed to +perfection, particularly the part of Roxana, in a very fashionable new +play, insomuch that she ever after retained that name: this creature +being both very virtuous and very modest, or, if you please, wonderfully +obstinate, proudly rejected the addresses and presents of the Earl of +Oxford. This resistance inflamed his passion: he had recourse to +invectives, and even to spells; but all in vain. This disappointment had +such effect upon him that he could neither eat nor drink; this did not +signify to him; but his passion at length became so violent, that he +could neither play nor smoke. In this extremity love had recourse to +Hymen; the Earl of Oxford, one of the first peers of the realm, is, you +know, a very handsome man: he is of the order of the garter, which +greatly adds to an air naturally noble. In short, from his outward +appearance, you would suppose he was really possessed of some sense; +but as soon as ever you hear him speak, you are perfectly convinced of +the contrary. This passionate lover presented her with a promise of +marriage, in due form, signed with his own hand: she would not, however, +rely upon this, but the next day she thought there could be no danger, +when the earl himself came to her lodgings attended by a clergyman, and +another man for a witness: the marriage was accordingly solemnized with +all due ceremonies, in the presence of one of her fellow players, who +attended as a witness on her part. You will suppose, perhaps, that the +new countess had nothing to do but to appear at court according to her +rank, and to display the earl's arms upon her carriage. This was far +from being the case. When examination was made concerning the marriage, +it was found to be a mere deception: it appeared that the pretended +priest was one of my lord's trumpeters, and the witness his kettle +drummer. The parson and his companion never appeared after the ceremony +was over; and as for the other witness, they endeavoured to persuade her +that the Sultana Roxana might have supposed, in some part or other of a +play, that she was really married. It was all to no purpose, that the +poor creature claimed the protection of the laws of God and man, both +which were violated and abused, as well as herself, by this infamous +imposition: in vain did she throw herself at the King's feet to demand +justice: she had only to rise up again without redress; and happy might +she think herself to receive an annuity of one thousand crowns, and to +resume the name of Roxana, instead of Countess of Oxford. You will say, +perhaps, that she was only a player; that all men have not the same +sentiments as the earl; and, that one may at least believe them, when +they do but render justice to such merit as yours. But still do not +believe them, though I know you are liable to it, as you have admirers; +for all are not infatuated with Miss Jennings: the handsome Sydney ogles +you; Lord Rochester is delighted with your conversation; and the most +serious Sir Lyttleton forsakes his natural gravity in favour of your +charms. As for the first, I confess his figure is very likely to engage +the inclinations of a young person like yourself; but were his outward +form attended with other accomplishments, which I know it is not, and +that his sentiments in your favour were as real as he endeavours to +persuade you they are, and as you deserve, yet I would not advise you +to form any connections with him, for reasons which I cannot tell you +at present. + +"Sir Lyttleton is undoubtedly in earnest, since he appears ashamed of the +condition to which you have reduced him; and I really believe if he could +get the better of those vulgar chimerical apprehensions, of being what is +vulgarly called a cuckold, the good man would marry you, and you would be +his representative in his little government, where you might merrily pass +your days in casting up the weekly bills of housekeeping, and in darning +old napkins. What a glory would it be to have a Cato for a husband, +whose speeches are as many lectures, and whose lectures are composed of +nothing but ill-nature and censure! + +"Lord Rochester is, without contradiction, the most witty man in all +England; but then he is likewise the most unprincipled, and devoid even +of the least tincture of honour; he is dangerous to our sex alone; and +that to such a degree that there is not a woman who gives ear to him +three times, but she irretrievably loses her reputation. No woman can +escape him, for he has her in his writings, though his other attacks be +ineffectual; and in the age we live in, the one is as bad as the other in +the eye of the public. In the mean time nothing is more dangerous than +the artful insinuating manner with which he gains possession of the mind: +he applauds your taste, submits to your sentiments, and at the very +instant that he himself does not believe a single word of what he is +saying, he makes you believe it all. I dare lay a wager, that from the +conversation you have had with him, you thought him one of the most +honourable and sincerest men living; for my part I cannot imagine what he +means by the assiduity he pays you not but your accomplishments are +sufficient to excite the adoration and praise of the whole world; but had +he even been so fortunate as to have gained your affections, he would not +know what to do with the loveliest creature at court: for it is a long +time since his debauches have brought him to order, with the assistance +of the favours of all the common street-walkers. See then, my dear +Temple, what horrid malice possesses him, to the ruin and confusion of +innocence! A wretch! to have no other design in his addresses and +assiduities to Miss Temple, but to give a greater air of probability to +the calumnies with which he has loaded her. You look upon me with +astonishment, and seem to doubt the truth of what I advance; but I do not +desire you to believe me without evidence: 'Here,' said she, drawing a +paper out of her pocket, 'see what a copy of verses he has made in your +praise, while he lulls your credulity to rest, by flattering speeches and +feigned respect.'" + +After saying this, the perfidious Hobart showed her half-a-dozen couplets +full of strained invective and scandal, which Rochester had made against +the former maids of honour. This severe and cutting lampoon was +principally levelled against Miss Price, whose person he took to pieces +in the most frightful and hideous manner imaginable. Miss Hobart had +substituted the name of Temple instead of Price, which she made to agree +both with the measure and tune of the song. This effectually answered +Hobart's intentions: the credulous Temple no sooner heard her sing the +lampoon, but she firmly believed it to be made upon herself; and in the +first transports of her rage, having nothing so much at heart as to give +the lie to the fictions of the poet: "Ah! as for this, my dear Hobart," +said she, "I can bear it no longer: I do not pretend to be so handsome as +some others; but as for the defects that villain charges me with, I dare +say, my dear Hobart, there is no woman more free from them: we are alone, +and I am almost inclined to convince you by ocular demonstration." Miss +Hobart was too complaisant to oppose this motion; but, although she +soothed her mind by extolling all her beauties, in opposition to Lord +Rochester's song, Miss Temple was almost driven to distraction by rage +and astonishment, that the first man she ever attended to should, in his +conversation with her, not even make use of a single word of truth, but +that he should likewise have the unparalleled cruelty falsely to accuse +her of defects; and not being able to find words capable of expressing +her anger and resentment, she began to weep like a child. + +Miss Hobart used all her endeavours to comfort her, and chid her for +being so much hurt with the invectives of a person whose scandalous +impostures were too well known to make any impression: she however +advised her never to speak to him any more, for that was the only method +to disappoint his designs; that contempt and silence were, on such +occasions, much preferable to any explanation, and that if he could +once obtain a hearing, he would be justified, but she would be ruined. + +Miss Hobart was not wrong in giving her this counsel: she knew that an +explanation would betray her, and that there would be no quarter for her +if Lord Rochester had so fair an opportunity of renewing his former +panegyrics upon her; but her precaution was in vain: this conversation +had been heard from one end to the other, by the governess's niece, who +was blessed with a most faithful memory; and having that very day an +appointment with Lord Rochester, she conned it over three or four times, +that she might not forget one single word, when she should have the +honour of relating it to her lover. We shall show in the next chapter, +what were the consequences resulting from it. + + + + + + + MEMOIRS OF COUNT GRAMMONT, VOLUME 6. + + By Anthony Hamilton + + EDITED, WITH NOTES, BY SIR WALTER SCOTT + + + + + CHAPTER TENTH. + + OTHER LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT. + + +The conversation before related was agreeable only to Miss Hobart; for if +Miss Temple was entertained with its commencement, she was so much the +more irritated by its conclusion this indignation was succeeded by the +curiosity of knowing the reason why, if Sidney had a real esteem for her, +she should not be allowed to pay some attention to him. + +As soon as they retired from the closet, Miss Sarah came out of the bath, +where during all this conversation, she had been almost perished with +cold, without daring to complain. This little gipsy had, it seems, +obtained leave of Miss Hobart's woman to bathe herself unknown to her +mistress; and having, I know not how, found means to fill one of the +baths with cold water, Miss Sarah had just got into it, when they were +both alarmed with the arrival of the other two. A glass partition +enclosed the room where the baths were, and Indian silk curtains, which +drew on the inside, screened those that were bathing. Miss Hobart's +chamber-maid had only just time to draw these curtains, that the girl +might not be seen to lock the partition door, and to take away the key, +before her mistress and Miss Temple came in. + +These two sat down on a couch placed along the partition, and Miss Sarah, +notwithstanding her alarms, had distinctly heard, and perfectly retained +the whole conversation. As the little girl was at all this trouble to +make herself clean, only on Lord Rochester's account, as soon as ever she +could make her escape she regained her garret; where Rochester, having +repaired thither at the appointed hour, was fully informed of all that +had passed in the bathing room. He was astonished at the audacious +temerity of Hobart, in daring to put such a trick upon him; but, though +he rightly judged that love and jealousy were the real motives, he would +not excuse her. Little Sarah desired to know whether he had a real +affection for Miss Temple, as Miss Hobart said she supposed that was the +case. "Can you doubt it," replied he, "since that oracle of sincerity +has affirmed it? But then you know that I am not now capable of +profiting by my perfidy, were I even to gain Miss Temple's compliance, +since my debauches and the street-walkers have brought me to order." + +This answer made Miss Sarah very easy, for she concluded that the first +article was not true, since she knew from experience that the latter was +false. Lord Rochester was resolved that very evening to attend the +duchess's court, to see what reception he would meet with after the fine +portrait Miss Hobart had been so kind as to draw of him. Miss Temple +did not fail to be there likewise, with the intention of looking on him +with the most contemptuous disdain possible, though she had taken care to +dress herself as well as she could. As she supposed that the lampoon +Miss Hobart had sung to her was in everybody's possession, she was under +great embarrassment lest all those whom she met should think her such a +monster as Lord Rochester had described her. In the mean time, Miss +Hobart, who had not much confidence in her promises never more to speak +to him, narrowly watched her. Miss Temple never in her life appeared so +handsome every person complimented her upon it; but she received all the +civilities with such an air, that every one thought she was mad; for when +they commended her shape, her fresh complexion, and the brilliancy of her +eyes: "Pshaw," said she, "it is very well known that I am but a monster, +and formed in no respect like other women: all is not gold that glisters; +and though I may receive some compliments in public, it signifies +nothing." All Miss Hobart's endeavours to stop her tongue were +ineffectual; and continuing to rail at herself ironically, the whole +court was puzzled to comprehend her meaning. + +When Lord Rochester came in, she first blushed, then turned pale, made a +motion to go towards him, drew back again, pulled her gloves one after +the other up to the elbow; and after having three times violently flirted +her fan, she waited until he paid his compliments to her as usual, and as +soon as he began to bow, the fair one immediately turned her back upon +him. Rochester only smiled, and being resolved that her resentment +should be still more remarked, he turned round and posting himself face +to face: "Madam," said he, "nothing can be so glorious as to look so +charming as you do, after such a fatiguing day: to support a ride of +three long hours, and Miss Hobart afterwards, without being tired, +shows indeed a very strong constitution." + +Miss Temple had naturally a tender look, but she was transported with +such a violent passion at his having the audacity to speak to her, that +her eyes appeared like two fireballs when she turned them upon him. +Hobart pinched her arm, as she perceived that this look was likely to be +followed by a torrent of reproaches and invectives. + +Lord Rochester did not wait for them, and delaying until another +opportunity the acknowledgments he owed Miss Hobart, he quietly retired. +The latter, who could not imagine that he knew anything of their +conversation at the bath, was, however, much alarmed at what he had said; +but Miss Temple, almost choked with the reproaches with which she thought +herself able to confound him and which she had not time to give vent +to, vowed to ease her mind of them upon the first opportunity, +notwithstanding the promise she had made; but never more to speak +to him afterwards. + +Lord Rochester had a faithful spy near these nymphs: this was Miss Sarah, +who, by his advice, and with her aunt's consent, was reconciled with Miss +Hobart, the more effectually to betray her: he was informed by this spy, +that Miss Hobart's maid, being suspected of having listened to them in +the closet, had been turned away; that she had taken another, whom in all +probability, she would not keep long, because, in the first place, she +was ugly, and, in the second, she eat the sweetmeats that were prepared +for Miss Temple. Although this intelligence was not very material, Sarah +was nevertheless praised for her punctuality and attention; and a few +days afterwards she brought him news of real importance. + +Rochester was by her informed, that Miss Hobart and her new favourite +designed, about nine o'clock in the evening to walk in the Mall, in the +Park; that they were to change clothes with each other, to put on scarfs, +and wear black-masks: she added, that Miss Hobart had strongly opposed +this project, but that she was obliged to give way at last, Miss Temple +having resolved to indulge her fancy. + +Upon the strength of this intelligence, Rochester concerted his measures: +he went to Killegrew, complained to him of the trick which Miss Hobart +had played him, and desired his assistance in order to be revenged: this +was readily granted, and having acquainted him with the measures he +intended to pursue, and given him the part he was to act in this +adventure, they went to the Mall. + +Presently after appeared our two nymphs in masquerade: their shapes were +not very different, and their faces, which were very unlike each other, +were concealed with their masks. The company was but thin in the Park; +and as soon as Miss Temple perceived them at a distance, she quickened +her pace in order to join them, with the design, under her disguise, +severely to reprimand the perfidious Rochester; when Miss Hobart stopping +her: "Where are you running to?" said she; "have you a mind to engage in +conversation with these two devils, to be exposed to all the insolence +and impertinence for which they are so notorious?" These remonstrances +were entirely useless: Miss Temple was resolved to try the experiment: +and all that could be obtained from her, was, not to answer any of the +questions Rochester might ask her. + +They were accosted just as they had done speaking: Rochester fixed upon +Hobart, pretending to take her for the other; at which she was overjoyed; +but Miss Temple was extremely sorry she fell to Killegrew's share, with +whom she had nothing to do: he perceived her uneasiness, and, pretending +to know her by her clothes: "Ah! Miss Hobart," said he, "be so kind as +look this way if you please: I know not by what chance you both came +hither, but I am sure it is very apropos for you, since I have something +to say to you, as your friend and humble servant." + +This beginning raising her curiosity, Miss Temple appeared more inclined +to attend him; and Killegrew perceiving that the other couple had +insensibly proceeded some distance from them: "In the name of God," said +he: "what do you mean by railing so against Lord Rochester, whom you know +to be one of the most honourable men at court, and whom you nevertheless +described as the greatest villain, to the person whom of all others he +esteems and respects the most? What do you think would become of you, if +he knew that you made Miss Temple believe she is the person alluded to in +a certain song, which you know as well as myself was made upon the clumsy +Miss Price, above a year before the fair Temple was heard of? Be not +surprised that I know so much of the matter; but pay a little attention, +I pray you, to what I am now going to tell you out of pure friendship: +your passion and inclinations for Miss Temple are known to every one but +herself; for whatever methods you used to impose upon her innocence, the +world does her the justice to believe that she would treat you as Lady +Falmouth did, if the poor girl knew the wicked designs you had upon her: +I caution you, therefore, against making any farther advances, to a +person, too modest to listen to them: I advise you likewise to take back +your maid again, in order to silence her scandalous tongue; for she says +everywhere, that she is with child, that you are the occasion of her +being in that condition, and accuses you of behaving towards her with the +blackest ingratitude, upon trifling suspicions only: you know very well, +these are no stories of my own invention; but that you may not entertain +any manner of doubt, that I had all this from her own mouth, she has told +me your conversation in the bathing-room, the characters you there drew +of the principal men at court, your artful malice in applying so +improperly a scandalous song to one of the loveliest women in all +England; and in what manner the innocent girl fell into the snare you had +laid for her, in order to do justice to her charms. But that which might +be of the most fatal consequences to you in that long conversation, is +the revealing certain secrets, which, in all probability, the duchess did +not entrust you with, to be imparted to the maids of honour: reflect upon +this, and neglect not to make some reparation to Sir Lyttleton, for the +ridicule with which you were pleased to load him. I know not whether he +had his information from your femme-de-chambre, but I am very certain +that he has sworn he will be revenged, and he is a man that keeps his +word; for after all, that you may not be deceived by his look, like that +of a Stoic, and his gravity, like that of a judge, I must acquaint you, +that he is the most passionate man living. Indeed, these invectives are +of the blackest and most horrible nature: he says it is most infamous, +that a wretch like yourself should find no other employment than to +blacken the characters of gentlemen, to gratify your jealousy; that if +you do not desist from such conduct for the future, he will immediately +complain of you; and that if her royal highness will not do him justice, +he is determined to do himself justice, and to run you through the body +with his own sword, though you were even in the arms of Miss Temple; and +that it is most scandalous that all the maids of honour should get into +your hands before they can look around them. + +"These things, madam, I thought it my duty to acquaint you with: you are +better able to judge than myself, whether what I have now advanced be +true, and I leave it to your own discretion to make what use you think +proper of my advice; but were I in your situation, I would endeavour to +reconcile Lord Rochester and Miss Temple. Once more I recommend to you +to take care that your endeavours to mislead her innocency, in order to +blast his honour, may not come to his knowledge; and do not estrange from +her a man who tenderly loves her, and whose probity is so great, that he +would not even suffer his eyes to wander towards her, if his intention +was not to make her his wife." + +Miss Temple observed her promise most faithfully during this discourse: +she did not even utter a single syllable, being seized with such +astonishment and confusion, that she quite lost the use of her tongue. + +Miss Hobart and Lord Rochester came up to her, while she was still in +amazement at the wonderful discoveries she had made; things in +themselves, in her opinion, almost incredible, but to the truth of which +she could not refuse her assent, upon examining the evidences and +circumstances on which they were founded. Never was confusion equal to +that with which her whole frame was seized by the foregoing recital. + +Rochester and Killegrew took leave of them before she recovered from her +surprise; but as soon as she had regained the free use of her senses, she +hastened back to St. James, without answering a single question that the +other put to her; and having locked herself up in her chamber, the fast +thing she did, was immediately to strip off Miss Hobart's clothes, lest +she should be contaminated by them; for after what she had been told +concerning her, she looked upon her as a monster, dreadful to the +innocence of the fair sex, of whatever sex she might be: she blushed at +the familiarities she had been drawn into with a creature, whose maid was +with child, though she never had been in any other service but hers: she +therefore returned her all her clothes, ordered her servant to bring back +all her own, and resolved never more to have any connection with her. +Miss Hobart, on the other hand, who supposed Killegrew had mistaken Miss +Temple for herself, could not comprehend what could induce her to give +herself such surprising airs, since that conversation; but being desirous +to come to an explanation, she ordered Miss Temple's maid to remain in +her apartments, and went to call upon Miss Temple herself, instead of +sending back her clothes; and being desirous to give her some proof of +friendship before they entered upon expostulations, she slipt softly into +her chamber, when she was in the very act of changing her linen, and +embraced her. Miss Temple finding herself in her arms before she had +taken notice of her, everything that Killegrew had mentioned, appeared +to her imagination: she fancied that she saw in her looks the eagerness +of a satyr, or, if possible, of some monster still more odious; and +disengaging herself with the highest indignation from her arms, she began +to shriek and cry in the most terrible manner, calling both heaven and +earth to her assistance. + +The first whom her cries raised were the governess and her niece. It was +near twelve o'clock at night: Miss Temple in her shift, almost frightened +to death, was pushing back with horror Miss Hobart, who approached her +with no other intent than to know the occasion of those transports. As +soon as the governess saw this scene, she began to lecture Miss Hobart +with all the eloquence of a real duenna: she demanded of her, whether she +thought it was for her that her royal highness kept the maids of honour? +whether she was not ashamed to come at such an unseasonable time of night +into their very apartments to commit such violences? and swore that she +would, the very next day, complain to the duchess. All this confirmed +Miss Temple in her mistaken notions: and Hobart was obliged to go away at +last, without being able to convince or bring to reason creatures, whom +she believed to be either distracted or mad. The next day Miss Sarah did +not fail to relate this adventure to her lover, telling him how Miss +Temple's cries had alarmed the maids of honour's apartment, and how +herself and her aunt, running to her assistance, had almost surprised +Miss Hobart in the very act. + +Two days after, the whole adventure, with the addition of several +embellishments, was made public: the governess swore to the truth of it, +and related in every company what a narrow escape Miss Temple had +experienced, and that Miss Sarah, her niece, had preserved her honour, +because, by Lord Rochester's excellent advice, she had forbidden her +all manner of connection with so dangerous a person. Miss Temple was +afterwards informed, that the song that had so greatly provoked her, +alluded to Miss Price only: this was confirmed to her by every person, +with additional execrations against Miss Hobart, for such a scandalous +imposition. Such great coldness after so much familiarity, made many +believe, that this adventure was not altogether a fiction. + +This had been sufficient to have disgraced Miss Hobart at court, and to +have totally ruined her reputation in London, had she not been, upon the +present, as well as upon a former occasion, supported by the duchess: +her royal highness pretended to treat the whole story as romantic and +visionary, or as solely arising from private pique: she chid Miss Temple, +for her impertinent credulity: turned away the governess and her niece, +for the lies with which she pretended they supported the imposture; and +did many improper things in order to re-establish Miss Hobart's honour, +which, however, she failed in accomplishing. She had her reasons for not +entirely abandoning her, as will appear in the sequel. + +Miss Temple, who continually reproached herself with injustice, with +respect to Lord Rochester, and who, upon the faith of Killegrew's word, +thought him the most Honourable man in England, was only solicitous to +find out some opportunity of easing her mind, by making him some +reparation for the rigour with which she had treated him: these +favourable dispositions, in the hands of a man of his character, might +have led to consequences of which she was not aware; but heaven did not +allow him an opportunity of profiting by them. + +Ever since he had first appeared at court he seldom failed being banished +from it, at least once in the year; for whenever a word presented itself +to his pen, or to his tongue, he immediately committed it to paper, or +produced it in conversation, without any manner of regard to the +consequences the ministers, the mistresses, and even the king himself, +were frequently the subjects of his sarcasms; and had not the prince, +whom he thus treated, been possessed of one of the most forgiving and +gentle tempers, his first disgrace had certainly been his last. + +Just at the time that Miss Temple was desirous of seeing him, in order to +apologize for the uneasiness which the infamous calumnies and black +aspersions of Miss Hobart had occasioned both of them, he was forbid the +court for the third time: he departed without having seen Miss Temple, +carried the disgraced governess down with him to his country seat, and +exerted all his endeavours to cultivate in her niece some dispositions +which she had for the stage; but though she did not make the same +improvement in this line, as she had by his other instructions, after he +had entertained both the niece and the aunt for some months in the +country, he got her entered in the king's company of comedians the next +winter; and the public was obliged to him for the prettiest, but at the +same time, the worst actress in the kingdom. + + [Though no name is given to this lady, there are circumstances + enough mentioned to fix on the celebrated Mrs. Barry, as the person + intended by the author. Mrs. Barry was introduced to the stage by + Lord Rochester, with whom she had an intrigue, the fruit of which + was a daughter, who lived to the age of thirteen years, and is often + mentioned in his collection of love-letters, printed in his works, + which were written to Mrs. Barry. On her first theatrical attempts, + so little hopes were entertained of her, that she was, as Cibber + declares, discharged the company at the end of the first year, among + others that were thought to be a useless expense to it. She was + well born; being daughter of Robert Barry, Esq., barrister at law; a + gentleman of an ancient family and good estate, who hurt his fortune + by his attachment to Charles I.; for whom he raised a regiment at + his own expense. Tony Aston, in his Supplement to Cibber's Apology, + says, she was woman to lady Shelton of Norfolk, who might have + belonged to the court. Curl, however, says, she was early taken + under the patronage of Lady Davenant. Both these accounts may be + true. The time of her appearance on the stage was probably not much + earlier that 1671; in which year she performed in Tom Essence, and + was, it may be conjectured, about the age of nineteen. Curl + mentions the great pains taken by Lord Rochester in instructing her; + which were repaid by the rapid progress she daily made in her + profession. She at last eclipsed all her competitors, and in the + part of Monimia established her reputation. From her performance in + this character, in that of Belvidera, and of Isabella, in the Fatal + Marriage, Downes says she acquired the name of the famous Mrs. + Barry, both at court and in the city. "Mrs. Barry," says Dryden, in + his Preface to Cleomenes, "always excellent, has in this tragedy + excelled herself, and gained a reputation beyond any woman I have + ever seen on the theatre." "In characters of greatness," says + Cibber, "Mrs. Barry had a presence of elevated dignity; her mien + and motion superb, and gracefully majestic; her voice full, clear, + and strong; so that no violence of passion could be too much for + her; and when distress or tenderness possessed her, she subsided + into the most affecting melody and softness. In the art of exciting + pity, she had a power beyond all the actresses I have yet seen, or + what your imagination can conceive. In scenes of anger, defiance, + or resentment, while she was impetuous and terrible, she poured out + the sentiment with an enchanting harmony; and it was this particular + excellence for which Dryden made her the above-recited compliment, + upon her acting Cassandra in his Cleomenes. She was the first + person whose merit was distinguished by the indulgence of having an + annual benefit play, which was granted to her alone in King James's + time, and which did not become common to others till the division of + this company, after the death of King William and Queen Mary."] + +About this time Talbot returned from Ireland: he soon felt the absence of +Miss Hamilton, who was then in the country with a relation, whom we shall +mention hereafter. A remnant of his former tenderness still subsisted in +his heart, notwithstanding his absence, and the promises he had given the +Chevalier de Grammont at parting: he now therefore endeavoured to banish +her entirely from his thoughts, by fixing his desires upon some other +object; but he saw no one in the queen's new court whom he thought worthy +of his attention: Miss Boynton, however, thought him worthy of hers. +Her, person was slender and delicate, to which a good complexion and +large motionless eyes gave at a distance an appearance of beauty, that +vanished upon nearer inspection: she affected to lisp, to languish, and +to have two or three fainting-fits a day. The first time that Talbot +cast his eyes upon her she was seized with one of these fits: he was told +that she swooned away upon his account: he believed it, was eager to +afford her assistance; and ever after that accident showed her some +kindness, more with the intention of saving her life, than to express any +affection he felt for her. This seeming tenderness was well received, +and at first she was visibly affected by it. Talbot was one of the +tallest men in England, and in all appearance one of the most robust; yet +she showed sufficiently that she was willing to expose the delicacy of +her constitution, to whatever might happen, in order to become his wife; +which event perhaps might then have taken place, as it did afterwards, +had not the charms of the fair Jennings at that time, proved an obstacle +to her wishes. + +I know not how it came to pass that he had not yet seen her; though he +had heard her much praised, and her prudence, wit, and vivacity equally +commended; he believed all this upon the faith of common report. He +thought it very singular that discretion and sprightliness should be so +intimately united in a person so young, more particularly in the midst of +a court where love and gallantry were so much in fashion; but he found +her personal accomplishments greatly to exceed whatever fame had reported +of them. + +As it was not long before he perceived he was in love, neither was it +long before he made a declaration of it: as his passion was likely enough +to be real, Miss Jennings thought she might believe him, without exposing +herself to the imputation of vanity. Talbot was possessed of a fine and +brilliant exterior, his manners were noble and majestic: besides this, he +was particularly distinguished by the favour and friendship of the duke; +but his most essential merit, with her, was his forty thousand pounds +a-year, landed property, besides his employments. All these qualities +came within the rules and maxims she had resolved to follow with respect +to lovers: thus, though he had not the satisfaction to obtain from her an +entire declaration of her sentiments, he had at least the pleasure of +being better received than those who had paid their addresses to her +before him. + +No person attempted to interrupt his happiness; and Miss Jennings, +perceiving that the duchess approved of Talbot's pretensions; and after +having well weighed the matter, and consulted her own inclinations, found +that her reason was more favourable to him than her heart, and that the +most she could do for his satisfaction was to marry him without +reluctance. + +Talbot, too fortunate in a preference which no man had before +experienced, did not examine whether it was to her heart or to her head +that he was indebted for it, and his thoughts were solely occupied in +hastening the accomplishment of his wishes: one would have sworn that the +happy minute was at hand; but love would no longer be love, if he did not +delight in obstructing, or in overturning the happiness of those who live +under his dominion. + +Talbot, who found nothing reprehensible either in the person, in the +conversation, or in the reputation of Miss Jennings, was however rather +concerned at a now acquaintance she had lately formed; and having taken +upon him to give her some cautions upon this subject, she was much +displeased at his conduct. + +Miss Price, formerly maid of honour, that had been set aside, as we have +before mentioned, upon her leaving the duchess's service, had recourse to +Lady Castlemaine's protection: she had a very entertaining wit: her +complaisance was adapted to all humours, and her own humour was possessed +of a fund of gaiety and sprightliness which diffused universal mirth and +merriment wherever she came. Her acquaintance with Miss Jennings was +prior to Talbot's. + +As she was thoroughly acquainted with all the intrigues of the court, she +related them without any manner of reserve to Miss Jennings, and her own +with the same frankness as the others: Miss Jennings was extremely well +pleased with her stories; for though she was determined to make no +experiment in love, but upon honourable terms, she however was desirous +of knowing from her recitals, all the different intrigues that were +carrying on: thus, as she was never wearied with her conversation, she +was overjoyed whenever she could see her. + +Talbot, who remarked the extreme relish she had for Miss Price's company, +thought that the reputation such a woman had in the world might prove +injurious to his mistress, more especially from the particular intimacy +there seemed to exist between them: whereupon, in the tone of a guardian +rather than a lover, he took upon him to chide her for the disreputable +company she kept. Miss Jennings was haughty beyond conception, when once +she took it into her head; and as she liked Miss Price's conversation +much better than Talbot's, she took the liberty of desiring him "to +attend to his own affairs, and that if he only came from Ireland to read +lectures about her conduct, he might take the trouble to go back as soon +as he pleased." He was offended at a sally which he thought ill-timed, +considering the situation of affairs between them; and went out of her +presence more abruptly than became the respect due from a man greatly in +love. He for some time appeared offended; but perceiving that he gained +nothing by such conduct, he grew weary of acting that part, and assumed +that of an humble lover, in which he was equally unsuccessful; neither +his repentance nor submissions could produce any effect upon her, and the +mutinous little gipsy was still in her pouts when Jermyn returned to +court. + +It was above a year since he had triumphed over the weakness of Lady +Castlemaine, and above two since the king had been weary of his triumphs: +his uncle, being vile of the first who perceived the king's disgust, +obliged him to absent himself from court, at the very time that orders +were going to be issued for that purpose; for though the king's +affections for Lady Castlemaine were now greatly diminished, yet he did +not think it consistent with his dignity that a mistress, whom he had +honoured with public distinction, and who still received a considerable +support from him, should appear chained to the car of the most ridiculous +conqueror that ever existed. His majesty had frequently expostulated +with the countess upon this subject: but his expostulations were never +attended to; it was in one of these differences that he, advising her +rather to bestow her favours upon Jacob Hall, the rope-dancer, who was +able to return them, than lavish away her money upon Jermyn to no +purpose, since it would be more honourable for her to pass for the +mistress of the first, than for the very humble servant of the other, she +was not proof against his raillery. The impetuosity of her temper broke +forth like lightning: she told him "that it very ill became him to throw +out such reproaches against one, who, of all the women in England, +deserved them the least; that he had never ceased quarrelling thus +unjustly with her, ever since he had betrayed his own mean low +inclinations; that to gratify such a depraved taste as his, he wanted +only such silly things as Stewart, Wells, and that pitiful strolling +actress,--[Probably Nell Gwyn.]--whom he had lately introduced into their +society." Floods of tears from rage, generally attended these storms; +after which, resuming the part of Medea, the scene closed with menaces of +tearing her children in pieces, and setting his palace on fire. What +course could he pursue with such an outrageous fury, who, beautiful as +she was, resembled Medea less than her dragons, when she was thus +enraged! + +The indulgent monarch loved peace; and as he seldom contended for it on +these occasions without paying something to obtain it, he was obliged to +be at great expense, in order to reconcile this last rupture: as they +could not agree of themselves, and both parties equally complained, the +Chevalier de Grammont was chosen, by mutual consent, mediator of the +treaty. The grievances and pretensions on each side were communicated to +him, and what is very extraordinary, he managed so as to please them +both. Here follow the articles of peace, which they agreed to: + +"That Lady Castlemaine should for ever abandon Jermyn; that as a proof of +her sincerity, and the reality of his disgrace, she should consent to his +being sent, for some time, into the country; that she should not rail any +more against Miss Wells, nor storm any more against Miss Stewart; and +this without any restraint on the king's behaviour towards her that in +consideration of these condescensions, his majesty should immediately +give her the title of duchess, with all the honours and privileges +thereunto belonging, and an addition to her pension, in order to enable +her to support the dignity." + + [The title of Duchess of Cleveland was conferred on her 3rd August, + 22 Charles II., 1670.] + +As soon as this peace was proclaimed, the political critics, who, in all +nations, never fail to censure all state proceedings, pretended that the +mediator of this treaty, being every day at play with Lady Castlemaine, +and never losing, had, for his own sake, insisted a little too strongly +upon this last article. + +Some days after, she was created Duchess of Cleveland, and little Jermyn +repaired to his country-seat: however, it was in his power to have +returned in a fortnight; for the Chevalier de Grammont, having procured +the king's permission, carried it to the Earl of St. Alban's: this +revived the good old man; but it was to little purpose he transmitted it +to his nephew; for whether he wished to make the London beauties deplore +and lament his absence, or whether he wished them to declaim against the +injustice of the age, or rail against the tyranny of the prince, he +continued above half a year in the country, setting up for a little +philosopher, under the eyes of the sportsmen in the neighbourhood, who +regarded him as an extraordinary instance of the caprice of fortune. He +thought the part he acted so glorious, that he would have continued there +much longer had he not heard of Miss Jennings: he did not, however, pay +much attention to what his friends wrote to him concerning her charms, +being persuaded he had seen equally as great in others: what was related +to him of her pride and resistance, appeared to him of far greater +consequence; and to subdue the last, he even looked upon as an action +worthy of his prowess; and quitting his retreat for this purpose, he +arrived in London at the time that Talbot, who was really in love, had +quarrelled, in his opinion, so unjustly with Miss Jennings. + +She had heard Jermyn spoken of as a hero in affairs of love and +gallantry. Miss Price, in the recital of those of the Duchess of +Cleveland, had often mentioned him, without in any respect diminishing +the insignificancy with which fame insinuated he had conducted himself in +those amorous encounters: she nevertheless had the greatest curiosity to +see a man, whose entire person, she thought, must be a moving trophy, and +monument of the favours and freedoms of the fair sex. + +Thus Jermyn arrived at the right time to satisfy her curiosity by his +presence; and though his brilliancy appeared a little tarnished by his +residence in the country; though his head was larger, and his legs more +slender than usual, yet the giddy girl thought she had never seen any man +so perfect; and yielding to her destiny, she fell in love with him, a +thousand times more unaccountably than all the others had done before +her. Everybody remarked this change of conduct in her with surprise; for +they expected something more from the delicacy of a person who, till this +time, had behaved with so much propriety in all her actions. + +Jermyn was not in the least surprised at this conquest, though not a +little proud of it; for his heart had very soon as great a share in it as +his vanity. Talbot, who saw with amazement the rapidity of this triumph, +and the disgrace of his own defeat, was ready to die with jealousy and +spite; yet he thought it would be more to his credit to die than to vent +those passions unprofitably; and shielding himself under a feigned +indifference, he kept at a distance to view how far such an extravagant +prepossession would proceed. + +In the mean time Jermyn quietly enjoyed the happiness of seeing the +inclinations of the prettiest and most extraordinary creature in England +declared in his favour. The duchess, who had taken her under her +protection ever since she had declined placing herself under that of the +duke, sounded Jermyn's intentions towards her, and was satisfied with the +assurances she received from a man, whose probity infinitely exceeded his +merit in love: he therefore let all the court see that he was willing to +marry her, though, at the same time, he did not appear particularly +desirous of hastening the consummation. Every person now complimented +Miss Jennings upon having reduced to this situation the terror of +husbands, and the plague of lovers: the court was in full expectation of +this miracle, and Miss Jennings of a near approaching happy settlement: +but in this world one must have fortune in one's favour, before one can +calculate with certainty upon happiness. + +The king did not use to let Lord Rochester remain so long in exile: he +grew weary of it, and being displeased that he was forgotten, he posted +up to London to wait till it might be his majesty's pleasure to recall +him. + +He first took up his habitation in the city, among the capital tradesmen +and rich merchants, where politeness indeed is not so much cultivated as +at court; but where pleasure, luxury, and abundance reign with less +confusion, and more sincerity. His first design was only to be initiated +into the mysteries of those fortunate and happy inhabitants: that is to +say, by changing his name and dress, to gain admittance to their feasts +and entertainments; and, as occasion offered, to those of their loving +spouses; as he was able to adapt himself to all capacities and humours, +he soon deeply insinuated himself into the esteem of the substantial +wealthy aldermen, and into he affections of their more delicate, +magnificent, and tender ladies: he made one in all their feasts, and at +all their assemblies; and, whilst in the company of the husbands, he +declaimed against the faults and mistakes of government, he joined their +wives in railing against the profligacy of the court ladies, and in +inveighing against the king's mistresses: he agreed with them, that the +industrious poor were to pay for these cursed extravagances; that the +city beauties were not inferior to those of the other end of the town, +and yet a sober husband in this quarter of the town was satisfied with +one wife; after which, to out-do their murmurings, he said, that he +wondered Whitehall was not yet consumed by fire from heaven, since such +rakes as Rochester, Killegrew, and Sidney were suffered there, who had +the impudence to assert that all married men in the city were cuckolds, +and all their wives painted. This conduct endeared him so much to the +cits, and made him so welcome at their clubs, that at last he grew sick +of their cramming and endless invitations. + +But, instead of approaching nearer the court, he retreated into one of +the most obscure corners of the city: where, again changing both his name +and his dress, in order to act a new part, he caused bills to be +dispersed, giving notice of "The recent arrival of a famous German +doctor, who, by long application and experience, had found out wonderful +secrets, and infallible remedies." + + [Bishop Burnet confirms this account.--"Being under an unlucky + accident, which obliged him to keep out of the way, he disguised + himself so, that his nearest friends could not have known him, and + set up in Tower Street for an Italian mountebank, where he practised + physic for some weeks, not without success. In his latter years he + read books of history more. He took pleasure to disguise himself as + a porter, or as a beggar; sometimes to follow some mean amours, + which, for the variety of them, he affected. At other times, merely + for diversion, he would go about in odd shapes; in which he acted + his part so naturally, that even those who were in the secret, and + saw him in these shapes, could perceive nothing by which he might be + discovered."--Burnet's Life of Rochester, ed. 1774, p. 14.] + +His secrets consisted in knowing what was past, and foretelling what was +to come, by the assistance of astrology: and the virtue of his remedies +principally consisted in giving present relief to unfortunate young women +in all manner of diseases, and all kinds of accidents incident to the +fair sex, either from too unbounded charity to their neighbours, or too +great indulgence to themselves. + +His first practice being confined to his neighbourhood, was not very +considerable; but his reputation soon extending to the other end of the +town, there presently flocked to him the women attending on the court, +next, the chamber-maids of ladies of quality, who, upon the wonders they +related concerning the German doctor, were soon followed by some of their +mistresses. + +Among all the compositions of a ludicrous and satirical kind, there never +existed any that could be compared to those of Lord Rochester, either for +humour, fire, or wit; but, of all his works, the most ingenious and +entertaining is that which contains a detail of the intrigues and +adventures in which he was engaged while he professed medicine and +astrology in the suburbs of London. + +The fair Jennings was very near getting a place in this collection; but +the adventure that prevented her from it, did not, however, conceal from +the public her intention of paying a visit to the German doctor. + +The first chamber-maids that consulted him were only those of the maids +of honour; who had numberless questions to ask, and not a few doubts to +be resolved, both upon their own and their mistresses' accounts. +Notwithstanding their disguise, he recognised some of them, particularly +Miss Temple's and Miss Price's maids, and her whom Miss Hobart had lately +discarded: these creatures all returned either filled with wonder and +amazement, or petrified with terror and fear. Miss Temple's chamber-maid +deposed that he assured her she would have the small-pox, and her +mistress the great, within two months at farthest, if her aforesaid +mistress did not guard against a man in woman's clothes. Miss Price's +woman affirmed that, without knowing her, and only looking in her hand, +he told her at first sight that, according to the course of the stars, he +perceived that she was in the service of some good-natured lady, who had +no other fault than loving wine and men. In short, every one of them, +struck with some particular circumstance relating to their own private +affairs, had either alarmed or diverted their mistresses with the +account, not failing, according to custom, to embellish the truth, in +order to enhance the wonder. + +Miss Price, relating these circumstances one day to her new friend, the +devil immediately tempted her to go in person, and see what sort of a +creature this new magician was. This enterprise was certainly very rash; +but nothing was too rash for Miss Jennings, who was of opinion that a +woman might despise appearances, provided she was in reality virtuous. +Miss Price was all compliance, and thus having fixed upon this glorious +resolution, they only thought of the proper means of putting it into +execution. + +It was very difficult for Miss Jennings to disguise herself, on account +of her excessive fair and bright complexion, and of something particular +in her air and manner: however, after having well considered the matter +the best disguise they could think of was to dress themselves like orange +girls. + + [These frolics appear to have been not unfrequent with persons of + high rank at this period. In a letter from Mr. Henshaw to Sir + Robert Paston, afterwards Earl of Yarmouth, dated October 13, 1670, + we have the following account: "Last week, there being a faire + neare Audley-end, the queen, the Dutchess of Richmond, and the + Dutchess of Buckingham, had a frolick to disguise themselves like + country lasses, to red petticoats, wastcotes, &c., and so goe see + the faire. Sir Barnard Gascoign, on a cart jade, rode before the + queen; another stranger before the Dutchess of Buckingham; and Mr. + Roper before Richmond. They had all so overdone it in their + disguise, and looked so much more like antiques than country volk, + that, as soon as they came to the faire, the people began to goe + after them; but the queen going to a booth, to buy a pair of yellow + stockings for her sweet hart, and Sir Bernard asking for a pair of + gloves sticht with blew, for his sweet hart, they were soon, by + their gebrish, found to be strangers, which drew a bigger flock + about them. One amongst them had seen the queen at dinner, knew + her, and was proud of her knowledge. This soon brought all the + faire into a crowd to stare at the queen. Being thus discovered, + they, as soon as they could, got to their horses; but as many of the + faire as had horses got up, with their wives, children, sweet harts, + or neighbours, behind them, to get as much gape as they could, till + they brought them to the court gate. Thus, by ill conduct, was a + merry frolick turned into a penance."--I've's Select Papers, p. 39. + + Bishop Burnet says, "at this time, (1668) the court fell into much + extravagance in masquerading: both the king and queen, all the + court, went about masked, and came into houses unknown, and danced + there, with a great deal of wild frolic. In all this people were so + disguised, that, without being in the secret, none could distinguish + them. They were carried about in hackney chairs. Once the queen's + chairmen, not knowing who she was, went from her. So she was alone, + and was much disturbed, and came to Whitehall in a hackney coach; + some say in a cart."--Burnet's History, vol. i., p. 368.] + +This was no sooner resolved upon, but it was put in execution they +attired themselves alike, and, taking each a basket of oranges under +their arms, they embarked in a hackney coach, and committed themselves to +fortune, without any other escort than their own caprice and +indiscretion. + +The duchess was gone to the play with her sister: Miss Jennings had +excused herself under pretence of indisposition she was overjoyed at the +happy commencement of their adventure; for they had disguised themselves, +had crossed the Park, and taken their hackney coach at Whitehall gate, +without the least accident. They mutually congratulated each other upon +it, and Miss Price, taking a beginning so prosperous as a good omen of +their success, asked her companion what they were to do at the +fortune-teller's, and what they should propose to him. + +Miss Jennings told her that, for her part, curiosity was her principal +inducement for going thither; that, however, she was resolved to ask him, +without naming any person, why a man, who was in love with a handsome +young lady, was not urgent to marry her, since this was in his power to +do, and by so doing he would have an opportunity of gratifying his +desires. Miss Price told her, smiling, that, without going to the +astrologer, nothing was more easy than to explain the enigma, as she +herself had almost given her a solution of it in the narrative of the +Duchess of Cleveland's adventures. + +Having by this time nearly arrived at the playhouse, Miss Price, after a +moment's reflection, said, that since fortune favoured them, a fair +opportunity was now offered to signalize their courage, which was to go +and sell oranges in the very playhouse, in the sight of the duchess and +the whole court. The proposal being worthy of the sentiments of the one, +and of the vivacity of the other, they immediately alighted, paid off +their hack, and, running through the midst of an immense number of +coaches, with great difficulty they reached the playhouse door. Sidney, +more handsome than the beautiful Adonis, and dressed more gay than usual, +alighted just then from his coach: Miss Price went boldly up to him, as +he was adjusting his curls; but he was too much occupied with his own +dear self to attend to anything else, and so passed on without deigning +to give her an answer. Killegrew came next, and the fair Jennings, +partly encouraged by the other's pertness, advanced towards him, and +offered him her basket, whilst Price, more used to the language, desired +him to buy her fine oranges. "Not now," said he, looking at them with +attention; "but if thou wilt to-morrow morning bring this young girl to +my lodgings, I will make it worth all the oranges in London to thee" and +while he thus spoke to the one he chucked the other under the chin, +examining her bosom. These familiarities making little Jennings forget +the part she was acting, after having pushed him away with all the +violence she was able, she told him with indignation that it was very +insolent to dare--"Ha! ha!" said he, "here's a rarity indeed! a young +w----, who, the better to sell her goods, sets up for virtue, and +pretends innocence!" + +Price immediately perceived that nothing could be gained by continuing +any longer in so dangerous a place; and, taking her companion under the +arm, she dragged her away, while she was still in emotion at the insult +that had been offered to her. + +Miss Jennings, resolving to sell no more oranges on these terms, was +tempted to return, without accomplishing the other adventure; but Price +having represented to her the disgrace of such cowardly behaviour, more +particularly after having before manifested so much resolution, she +consented to go and pay the astrologer a short visit, so as they might be +enabled to regain the palace before the play was ended. + +They had one of the doctor's bills for a direction, but there was no +occasion for it; for the driver of the coach they had taken told them he +knew very well the place they wanted, for he had already carried above an +hundred persons to the German doctor's: they were within half a street of +his house, when fortune thought proper to play them a trick. + +Brounker had dined by chance with a merchant in that part of the city, +and just as he was going away they ordered their coach to stop, as +ill-luck would have it, just opposite to him. Two orange girls in a +hackney coach, one of whom appeared to have a very pretty face, +immediately drew his attention; besides, he had a natural curiosity for +such objects. + + [Gentleman of the chamber to the Duke of York, and brother to Lord + Viscount Brounker, president of the royal society. Lord Clarendon + imputes to him the cause of the great sea-fight, in 1665, not being + so well improved as it might have been, and adds, "nor did the duke + come to hear of it till some years after, when Mr. Brounker's ill + course of life, and his abominable nature, had rendered him so + odious, that it was taken notice of in parliament, and, upon + examination, found to be true, as is here related; upon which he was + expelled the house of commons, whereof he was a; member, as an + infamous person, though his friend Coventry adhered to him, and used + many indirect acts to have protected him, and afterwards procured + him to have more countenance from the king than most men thought he + deserved; being a person, throughout his whole life, never notorious + for anything but the highest degree of impudence, and stooping to + the most infamous offices, and playing very well at chess, which + preferred him more than the most virtuous qualities could have + done."--Continuation of Clarendon's Life, p. 270.] + +Of all the men at court, he had the least regard for the fair sex, and +the least attention to their reputation: he was not young, nor was his +person agreeable; however, with a great deal of wit he had a violent +passion for women. He did himself justice respecting his own merit; and, +being persuaded that he could only succeed with those who were desirous +of having his money, he was at open war with all the rest. He had a +little country-house four or five miles from London always well stocked +with girls: in other respects he was a very honest man, and the best +chess-player in England. + +Price, alarmed at being thus closely examined by the most dangerous enemy +they could encounter, turned her head the other way, bid her companion do +the same, and told the coachman to drive on. Brounker followed them +unperceived on foot; and the coach having stopped twenty or thirty yards +farther up the street, they alighted. He was just behind them, and +formed the same judgment of them which a man much more charitable to the +sex must unavoidably have done, concluding that Miss Jennings was a young +courtesan upon the look-out, and that Miss Price was the mother-abbess. +He was, however, surprised to see them have much better shoes and +stockings than women of that rank generally wear, and that the little +orange girl, in getting out of a very high coach, showed one of the +handsomest legs he had ever seen: but as all this was no obstruction to +his designs, he resolved to purchase her at any rate, in order to place +her in his seraglio. + +He came up to them, as they were giving their baskets in guard to the +coachman, with orders to wait for them exactly in that place. Brounker +immediately pushed in between them: as soon as they saw him, they gave +themselves up for lost; but he, without taking the least notice of their +surprise, took Price aside with one hand, and his purse with the other, +and began immediately to enter upon business, but was astonished to +perceive that she turned away her face, without either answering or +looking at him: As this conduct appeared to him unnatural, he stared her +full in the face, notwithstanding all her endeavours to prevent him: he +did the same to the other: and immediately recognised them, but +determined to conceal his discovery. + +The old fox possessed a wonderful command of temper on such occasions, +and having teazed them a little longer to remove all suspicions he +quitted them, telling Price; "That she was a great fool to refuse his +offers, and that her girl would not, perhaps, get so much in a year, as +she might with him in one day; that the times were greatly changed, since +the queen's and the duchess's maids of honour forestalled the market, and +were to be had cheaper than the town ladies." Upon this he went back to +his coach, whilst they blessed themselves, returning heaven their most +hearty thanks for having escaped this danger without being discovered. + +Brounker, on the other hand, would not have taken a thousand guineas for +this rencounter: he blessed the Lord that he had not alarmed them to such +a degree as to frustrate their intention; for he made no doubt but Miss +Price had managed some intrigue for Miss Jennings: he therefore +immediately concluded, that at present it would be improper to make known +his discovery, which would have answered no other end but to have +overwhelmed them with confusion. + +Upon this account, although Jermyn was one of his best friends, he felt a +secret joy in not having prevented his being made a cuckold, before his +marriage; and the apprehension he was in of preserving him from that +accident, was his sole reason for quitting them with the precautions +aforementioned. + +Whilst they were under these alarms, their coachman was engaged in a +squabble with some blackguard boys, who had gathered round his coach in +order to steal the oranges: from words they came to blows: the two nymphs +saw the commencement of the fray as they were returning to the coach, +after having abandoned the design of going to the fortuneteller's. Their +coachman being a man of spirit, it was with great difficulty they could +persuade him to leave their oranges to the mob, that they might get off +without any further disturbance: having thus regained their hack, after a +thousand frights, and after having received an abundant share of the most +low and infamous abuse applied to them during the fracas, they at length +reached St. James's, vowing never more to go after fortune-tellers, +through so many dangers, terrors, and alarms, as they had lately +undergone. + +Brounker, who, from the indifferent opinion he entertained of the fair +sex, would have staked his life that Miss Jennings did not return from +this expedition in the same condition she went, kept his thoughts, +however, a profound secret; since it would have afforded him the highest +satisfaction to have seen the all-fortunate Jermyn marry a little +street-walker, who pretended to pass for a pattern of chastity, that he +might, the day after his marriage, congratulate him upon his virtuous +spouse; but heaven was not disposed to afford him that satisfaction, as +will appear in the sequel of these memoirs. + +Miss Hamilton was in the country, as we before mentioned, at a +relation's: the Chevalier de Grammont bore this short absence of hers +with great uneasiness, since she would not allow him permission to visit +her there, upon any pretence whatever; but play, which was favourable to +him, was no small relief to his extreme impatience. + +Miss Hamilton, however, at last returned. Mrs. Wetenhall (for that was +the name of her relation) would by all means wait upon her to London, in +appearance out of politeness; for ceremony, carried beyond all bearing, +is the grand characteristic of country gentry: yet this mark of civility +was only a pretence, to obtain a peevish husband's consent to his wife's +journey to town. Perhaps he would have done himself the honour of +conducting Miss Hamilton up to London, had he not been employed in +writing some remarks upon the ecclesiastical history, a work in which he +had long been engaged: the ladies were more civil than to interrupt him +in his undertaking, and besides, it would entirely have disconcerted all +Mrs. Wetenhall's schemes. + +This lady was what may be properly called a beauty, entirely English, +made up of lilies and roses, of snow and milk, as to colour; and of wax, +with respect to the arms, hands, neck, and feet, but all this without +either animation or air; her face was uncommonly pretty; but there was no +variety, no change of countenance in it: one would have thought she took +it in the morning out of a case, in order to put it up again at night, +without using it in the smallest degree in the daytime. What can I say +of her! nature had formed her a baby from her infancy, and a baby +remained till death the fair Mrs. Wetenhall. Her husband had been +destined for the church; but his elder brother dying just at the time he +had gone through his studies of divinity, instead of taking orders, he +came to England, and took to wife Miss Bedingfield, the lady of whom we +are now speaking. + +His person was not disagreeable, but he had a serious contemplative air, +very apt to occasion disgust: as for the rest, she might boast of having +one of the greatest theologists in the kingdom for her husband: he was +all day poring over his books, and went to bed soon, in order to rise +early; so that his wife found him snoring when she came to bed, and when +he arose he left her there sound asleep: his conversation at table would +have been very brisk, if Mrs. Wetenhall had been as great a proficient +in divinity, or as great a lover of controversy, as he was; but being +neither learned in the former, nor desirous of the latter, silence +reigned at their table, as absolutely as at a refectory. + +She had often expressed a great desire to see London; but though they +were only distant a very short day's journey from it, she had never been +able to satisfy her curiosity: it was not therefore without reason, that +she grew weary of the life she was forced to lead at Peckham. The +melancholy retired situation of the place was to her insupportable; and +as she had the folly, incident to many other women, of believing +sterility to be a kind of reproach, she was very much hurt to see that +she might fall under that suspicion; for she was persuaded, that although +heaven had denied her children, she nevertheless had all the necessary +requisites on her part, if it had been the will of the Lord. This had +occasioned her to make some reflections, and then to reason upon those +reflections; as for instance, that since her husband chose rather to +devote himself to his studies, than to the duties of matrimony, to turn +over musty old books, rather than attend to the attractions of beauty, +and to gratify his own pleasures, rather than those of his wife, it might +be permitted her to relieve some necessitous lover, in neighbourly +charity, provided she could do it conscientiously, and to direct her +inclinations in so just a, manner, that the evil spirit should have no +concern in it. Mr. Wetenhall, a zealous partisan for the doctrine of the +casuists, would not perhaps have approved of these decisions; but he was +not consulted. + +The greatest misfortune was, that neither solitary Peckham nor its +sterile neighbourhood, presented any expedients, either for the execution +of the afore-mentioned design, or for the relief of poor Mrs. Wetenhall: +she was visibly pining away, when, through fear of dying either with +solitude or of want, she had recourse to Miss Hamilton's commiseration. + +Their first acquaintance was formed at Paris, whither Mr. Wetenhall had +taken his wife half a year after they were married, on a journey thither +to buy books: Miss Hamilton, who from that very time greatly pitied her, +consented to pass some time in the country with her, in hopes by that +visit to deliver her, for a short time at least, out of her captivity; +which project succeeded according to her wish. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, being informed of the day on which they were +to arrive, borne on the wings of love and impatience, had engaged George +Hamilton to go with him, and meet them some miles out of London. The +equipage he had prepared for the purpose, corresponded with his usual +magnificence; and on such an occasion, we may reasonably suppose he had +not neglected his person: however, with all his impatience, he checked +the ardour of the coachman, through fear of accidents, rightly judging +that upon a road prudence is preferable to eagerness. The ladies at +length appeared, and Miss Hamilton, being in his eyes, ten or twelve +times more handsome than before her departure from London, he would have +purchased with his life so kind a reception as she gave her brother. + +Mrs. Wetenhall had her share of the praises, which at this interview +were liberally bestowed upon her beauty, for which her beauty was very +thankful to those who did it so much honour; and as Hamilton regarded +her with a tender attention, she regarded Hamilton as a man very well +qualified for putting in execution the little projects she had concerted +with her conscience. + +As soon as she was in London, her head was almost turned, through an +excess of contentment and felicity: everything appeared like enchantment +to her in this superb city; more particularly, as in Paris she had never +seen anything farther than the Rue Saint Jacques, and a few booksellers' +shops. Miss Hamilton entertained her at her own house, and she was +presented, admired, and well received at both courts. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, whose gallantry and magnificence were +inexhaustible, taking occasion, from this fair stranger's arrival, to +exhibit his grandeur, nothing was to be seen but balls, concerts, plays, +excursions by land and by water, splendid collations and sumptuous +entertainments: Mrs. Wetenhall was transported with pleasures, of which +the greatest part were entirely new to her; she was greatly delighted +with all, except now and then at a play, when tragedy was acted, which +she confessed she thought rather wearisome: she agreed, however, that the +show was very interesting, when there were many people killed upon the +stage, but thought the players were very fine handsome fellows, who were +much better alive than dead. + +Hamilton, upon the whole, was pretty well treated by her, if a man in +love, who is never satisfied until the completion of his wishes, could +confine himself within the bounds of moderation and reason: he used all +his endeavours to determine her to put in execution the projects she had +formed at Peckham: Mrs. Wetenhall, on the other hand, was much pleased +with him. This is the Hamilton who served in the French army with +distinction; he was both agreeable and handsome. All imaginable +opportunities conspired to favour the establishment of an intimacy, whose +commencement had been so brisk, that in all probability it would not +languish for a conclusion; but the more he pressed her to it, the more +her resolution began to fail, and regard for some scruples, which she had +not well weighed, kept her in suspense: there was reason to believe that +a little perseverance would have removed these obstacles; yet this at the +present time was not attempted. Hamilton, not able to conceive what +could prevent her from completing his happiness, since in his opinion the +first and greatest difficulties of an amour were already overcome, with +respect to the public, resolved to abandon her to her irresolutions, +instead of endeavouring to conquer them by a more vigorous attack. It +was not consistent with reason, to desist from an enterprise, where so +many prospects of success presented themselves, for such inconsiderable +obstacles; but he suffered himself to be intoxicated with chimeras and +visions, which unseasonably cooled the vigour of his pursuit, and led him +astray in another unprofitable undertaking. + + [I apprehend he is the same George Hamilton already described, who + married Miss Jennings, and not the author of this work, as Lord + Orford supposes. In a letter from Arlington to Sir William + Godolphin, dated September 7, 1671, it is said, "the Conde de Molina + complains to us of certain levies Sir George Hamilton hath made in + Ireland. The king hath always told him he had no express license + for it; and I have told the Conde he must not find it strange that a + gentleman who had been bred the king's page abroad, and losing his + employment at home, for being a Roman Catholic, should have some + more than ordinary connivance towards the making his fortune abroad + by the countenance of his friends and relations in Ireland: and yet + take the matter in the worst sense he could give, it would not + amount to the breach of any article betwixt the king my master and + the court of Spain."--Arlington's letters, vol. ii., p. 332. In + a letter from the same nobleman to Lord Sandwich, written about + October, 1667, we find the cause of Sir George Hamilton's entering + into the French service "Concerning the reformadoes of the guards + of horse, his majesty thought fit, the other day, to have them + dismissed, according to his promise, made to the parliament at the + last session. Mr. Hamilton had a secret overture made him, that he, + with those men, should be welcome into the French service; his + majesty, at their dismissal, having declared they should have leave + to go abroad whither they pleased." They accepted of Mr. Hamilton's + offer to carry them into France. "Arlington's Letters," vol. i., p. + 185. Lodge, in his Peerage of Ireland, says, Sir George Hamilton + died in 1667, which, from the first extract above, appears to be + erroneous. He has evidently confounded the father and son; the + former of whom was the person who died in 1667.] + +I know not whether poor Wetenhall took the blame upon herself; but it is +certain, she was extremely mortified upon it. Soon after being obliged +to return to her cabbages and turkeys at Peckham, she had almost gone +distracted: that residence appeared a thousand times more dreadful to +her, since she had been initiated into the amusements of London; but as +the queen was to set out within a month for Tunbridge Wells, she was +obliged to yield to necessity, and return to the philosopher, Wetenhall, +with the consolation of having engaged Miss Hamilton to come and live at +her house, which was within ten or twelve miles of Tunbridge, as long as +the court remained there. + +Miss Hamilton promised not to abandon her in her retirement, and further +engaged to bring the Chevalier de Grammont along with her, whose humour +and conversation extremely delighted her. The Chevalier de Grammont, who +on all occasions started agreeable raillery, engaged on his part to bring +George Hamilton, which words overwhelmed her with blushes. The court set +out soon after to pass about two months in the place of all Europe the +most rural and simple, and yet, at the same time, the most entertaining +and agreeable. Tunbridge is the same distance from London, that +Fontainebleau is from Paris, and is, at the season, the general +rendezvous of all the gay and handsome of both sexes. The company, +though always numerous, is always select: since those who repair thither +for diversion, ever exceed the number of those who go thither for health. +Everything there breathes mirth and pleasure: constraint is banished, +familiarity is established upon the first acquaintance, and joy and +pleasure are the sole sovereigns of the place. + +The company are accommodated with lodgings in little, clean, and +convenient habitations, that lie straggling and separated from each +other, a mile and a half all round the Wells, where the company meet in +the morning: this place consists of a long walk, shaded by spreading +trees, under which they walk while they are drinking the waters: on one +side of this walk is a long row of shops, plentifully stocked with all +manner of toys, lace, gloves, stockings, and where there is raffling, as +at Paris, in the Foire de Saint Germain: on the other side of the walk is +the market; and, as it is the custom here for every person to buy their +own provisions, care is taken that nothing offensive appears on the +stalls. Here young, fair, fresh-coloured country girls, with clean +linen, small straw hats, and neat shoes and stockings, sell game, +vegetables, flowers and fruit: here one may live as one pleases: here is, +likewise, deep play, and no want of amorous intrigues. As soon as the +evening comes, every one quits his little palace to assemble at the +bowling-green, where, in the open air, those who choose, dance upon a +turf more soft and smooth than the finest carpet in the world, + +Lord Muskerry had, within two or three short miles of Tunbridge, a very +handsome seat called Summer-hill: Miss Hamilton, after having spent eight +or ten days at Peckham, could not excuse herself from passing the +remainder of the season at his house; and, having obtained leave of Mr. +Wetenhall, that his lady should accompany her, they left the melancholy +residence of Peckham, and its tiresome master, and fixed their little +court at Summer-hill. + +They went every day to court, or the court came to them. The queen +even surpassed her usual attentions in inventing and supporting +entertainments: she endeavoured to increase the natural ease and freedom +of Tunbridge, by dispensing with, rather than requiring, those ceremonies +that were due to her presence; and, confining in the bottom of her heart +that grief and uneasiness she could not overcome, she saw Miss Stewart +triumphantly possess the affections of the king without manifesting the +least uneasiness. + +Never did love see his empire in a more flourishing condition than on +this spot: those who were smitten before they came to it, felt a mighty +augmentation of their flame; and those who seemed the least susceptible +of love, laid aside their natural ferocity, to act in a new character. +For the truth of the latter, we shall only relate the change which soon +appeared in the conduct of Prince Rupert. + + [Lord Orford's contrast to this character of Prince Rupert is too + just to be here omitted. "Born with the taste of an uncle whom his + sword was not fortunate in defending, Prince Rupert was fond of + those sciences which soften and adorn a hero's private hours, and + knew how to mix them with his minutes of amusement, without + dedicating his life to their pursuit, like us, who, wanting capacity + for momentous views, make serious study of what is only the + transitory occupation of a genius. Had the court of the first + Charles been peaceful, how agreeably had the prince's congenial + propensity flattered and confirmed the inclination of his uncle! + How the muse of arts would have repaid the patronage of the monarch, + when, for his first artist, she would have presented him with his + nephew! How different a figure did the same prince make in a reign + of dissimilar complexion! The philosophic warrior, who could relax + himself into the ornament of a refined court, was thought a savage + mechanic, when courtiers were only voluptuous wits. Let me + transcribe a picture of Prince Rupert, drawn by a man who was far + from having the least portion of wit in that age, who was superior + to its indelicacy, and who yet was so overborne by its prejudices, + that he had the complaisance to ridicule virtue, merit, talents. + --But Prince Rupert, alas! was an awkward lover!" Lord Orford here + inserts the character in the text, and then adds, "What pity that + we, who wish to transmit this prince's resemblance to posterity on a + fairer canvas, have none of these inimitable colours to efface the + harsher likeness! We can but oppose facts to wit, truth to satire. + --How unequal the pencils! yet what these lines cannot do they may + suggest: they may induce the reader to reflect, that if the prince + was defective in the transient varnish of a court, he at least was + adorned by the arts with that polish which alone can make a court + attract the attention of subsequent ages."--Catalogue of Engravers, + p 135, 8vo ed.] + +He was brave and courageous, even to rashness; but cross-grained and +incorrigibly obstinate: his genius was fertile in mathematical +experiments, and he possessed some knowledge of chemistry: he was polite +even to excess, unseasonably; but haughty, and even brutal, when he ought +to have been gentle and courteous: he was tall, and his manners were +ungracious: he had a dry hard-favoured visage, and a stern look, even +when he wished to please; but, when he was out of humour, he was the true +picture of reproof. + +The queen had sent for the players, either that there might be no +intermission in the diversions of the place, or, perhaps, to retort upon +Miss Stewart, by the presence of Nell Gwyn, part of the uneasiness she +felt from hers. Prince Rupert found charms in the person of another +player called Hughes, who brought down and greatly subdued his natural +fierceness. + + [Mrs. Hughes was one of the actresses belonging to the king's + company, and one of the earliest female performers. According to + Downs, she commenced her theatrical career after the opening of + Drury lane theatre, in 1663. She appears to have been the first + female representative of Desdemona. By Prince Rupert she had a + daughter, named Ruperta, married to Lieutenant-general Howe, who + survived her husband many years, dying at Somerset house, about the + year 1740.] + +From this time, adieu alembics, crucibles, furnaces, and all the black +furniture of the forges: a complete farewell to all mathematical +instruments and chemical speculations: sweet powder and essences were now +the only ingredients that occupied any share of his attention. The +impertinent gipsy chose to be attacked in form; and proudly refusing +money, that, in the end she might sell her favours at a dearer rate, she +caused the poor prince to act a part so unnatural, that he no longer +appeared like the same person. The king was greatly pleased with this +event, for which great rejoicings were made at Tunbridge; but nobody was +bold enough to make it the subject of satire, though the same constraint +was not observed with other ridiculous personages. + +There was dancing every day at the queen's apartments, because the +physicians recommended it, and no person thought it amiss: for even those +who cared least for it, chose that exercise to digest the waters rather +than walking. Lord Muskerry thought himself secure against his lady's +rage for dancing; for, although he was ashamed of it, the princess of +Babylon was, by the grace of God, six or seven months advanced in +pregnancy; and, to complete her misfortune, the child had fallen all +on one side, so that even Euclid would have been puzzled to say what +her figure was. The disconsolate lady, seeing Miss Hamilton and Mrs. +Wetenhall set out every morning, sometimes on horseback and sometimes in +a coach, but ever attended by a gallant troop to conduct them to court, +and to convey them back, she fancied a thousand times more delights at +Tunbridge than in reality there were, and she did not cease in her +imagination, to dance over at Summer-hill all the country dances which +she thought had been danced at Tunbridge. She could no longer support +the racking torments which disturbed her mind, when relenting heaven, +out of pity to her pains and sufferings, caused Lord Muskerry to repair +to London, and kept him there two whole days: as soon as ever he had +turned his back, the Babylonian princess declared her resolution to make +a trip to court. + +She had a domestic chaplain who did not want sense, and Lord Muskerry, +for fear of accidents, had recommended her to the wholesome counsels and +good prayers of this prudent divine; but in vain were all his preachings +and exhortations to stay at home; in vain did he set before her eyes her +husband's commands, and the dangers to which she would expose herself in +her present condition; he likewise added that her pregnancy, being a +particular blessing from heaven, she ought therefore to be so much the +more careful for its preservation, since it cost her husband, perhaps, +more trouble than she was aware of, to obtain it. These remonstrances +were altogether ineffectual: Miss Hamilton and her cousin Wetenhall, +having the complaisance to confirm her in her resolution, they assisted +in dressing her the next morning, and set out along with her all their +skill and dexterity were requisite to reduce her shape into some kind of +symmetry; but, having at last pinned a small cushion under her petticoat +on the right side, to counteract the untoward appearance the little +infant occasioned by throwing itself on the left, they almost split their +sides with laughter, assuring her at the same time that she looked +perfectly charming. + +As soon as she appeared, it was generally believed that she had dressed +herself in a farthingale, in order to make her court to the queen; but +every person was pleased at her arrival: those who were unacquainted with +the circumstances assured her in earnest that she was pregnant with +twins; and the queen, who envied her condition, notwithstanding the +ridiculous appearance she then made, being made acquainted with the +motive of her journey, was determined to gratify her inclinations. + +As soon as the hour for country dances arrived, her cousin Hamilton was +appointed her partner: she made some faint excuses at first on account of +the inconvenient situation she was then in: but soon suffered them to be +overcome, in order, as she said, to show her duty to the queen; and never +did a woman in this world enjoy such complete satisfaction. + +We have already observed, that the greatest prosperity is liable to the +greatest change: Lady Muskerry, trussed up as she was, seemed to feel no +manner of uneasiness from the motion in dancing; on the contrary, being +only apprehensive of the presence of her husband, which would have +destroyed all her happiness, she danced with uncommon briskness, lest her +ill stars should bring him back before she had fully satisfied herself +with it. In the midst, therefore, of her capering in this indiscreet +manner, her cushion came loose, without her perceiving it, and fell to +the ground in the very middle of the first round. The Duke of +Buckingham, who watched her, took it up instantly, wrapped it up in his +coat, and, mimicking the cries of a new-born infant, he went about +inquiring for a nurse for the young Muskerry among the maids of honour. + +This buffoonery, joined to the strange figure of the poor lady, had +almost thrown Miss Stewart into hysterics; for the princess of Babylon, +after this accident, was quite flat on one side, and immoderately +protuberant on the other. All those who had before suppressed their +inclinations to laugh, now gave themselves free scope, when they saw that +Miss Stewart was ready to split her sides. The poor lady was greatly +disconcerted: every person was officious to console her; but the queen, +who inwardly laughed more heartily than any, pretended to disapprove of +their taking such liberties. + +Whilst Miss Hamilton and Mrs. Wetenhall endeavoured to refit Lady +Muskerry in another room, the Duke of Buckingham told the king that, +if the physicians would permit a little exercise immediately after a +delivery, the best way to recover Lady Muskerry was to renew the dance +as soon as ever her infant was replaced; this advice was approved, and +accordingly put in execution. The queen proposed, as soon as she +appeared, a second round of country-dances; and Lady Muskerry accepting +the offer, the remedy had its desired effect, and entirely removed every +remembrance of her late mishap. + +Whilst these things were passing at the king's court, that of the Duke of +York took a journey on the other side of London; the pretence of this +journey was to visit the county whose name he bore; but love was the real +motive. The duchess, since her elevation, had conducted herself with +such prudence and circumspection, as could not be sufficiently admired: +such were her manners, and such the general estimation in which she was +held, that she appeared to have found out the secret of pleasing every +one; a secret yet more rare than the grandeur to which she had been +raised: but, after having gained universal esteem, she was desirous of +being more particularly beloved; or, more properly speaking, malicious +Cupid assaulted her heart, in spite of the discretion, prudence, and +reason, with which she had fortified it. + +In vain had she said to herself a hundred times, that if the duke had +been so kind as to do her justice by falling in love with her, he had +done her too much honour by making her his wife; that with respect to his +inconstant disposition, which estranged him from her, she ought to bear +it with patience, until it pleased heaven to produce a change in his +conduct; that the frailties on his part, which might to her appear +injurious, would never justify in her the least deviation from her duty; +and, as resentment was still less allowable, she ought to endeavour to +regain him by a conduct entirely opposite to his own. In vain was it, as +we have said before, that she had long resisted Love and his emissaries +by the help of these maxims: how solid soever reason, and however +obstinate wisdom and virtue may be, there are yet certain attacks which +tire by their length, and, in the end, subdue both reason and virtue +itself. + +The Duchess of York was one of the highest feeders in England: as this +was an unforbidden pleasure she indulged herself in it, as an +indemnification for other self-denials. It was really an edifying sight +to see her at table. The duke, on the contrary, being incessantly in the +hurry of new fancies, exhausted himself by his inconstancy, and was +gradually wasting away; whilst the poor princess, gratifying her good +appetite, grew so fat and plump that it was a blessing to see her. +It is not easy to determine how long things would have continued in this +situation, if Love, who was resolved to have satisfaction for her late +conduct, so opposite to the former, had not employed artifice as well as +force, to disturb her repose. + +He at first let loose upon her resentment and jealousy two mortal enemies +to all tranquillity and happiness. A tall creature, pale-faced, and +nothing but skin and bone, named Churchill, whom she had taken for a maid +of honour, became the object of her jealousy, because she was then the +object of the duke's affection. The court was not able to comprehend +how, after having been in love with Lady Chesterfield, Miss Hamilton, and +Miss Jennings, he could have any inclination for such a creature; but +they soon perceived that something more than unaccountable variety had a +great share in effecting this conquest. + + [Miss Arabella Churchill, daughter of Sir Winston Churchill of + Wotton Basset, in the county of Wilts, and sister to the celebrated + John, Duke of Marlborough. She was born 1648.] + +The duchess beheld with indignation a choice which seemed to debase her +own merit in a much greater degree than any of the former; at the very +instant that indignation and jealousy began to provoke her spleen, +perfidious Cupid threw in the way of her passions and resentments the +amiable, handsome Sidney; and, whilst he kept her eyes fixed upon his +personal perfections, diverted her attention from perceiving the +deficiency of his mental accomplishments: she was wounded before she was +aware of her danger; but the good opinion Sidney had of his own merit did +not suffer him long to be ignorant of such a glorious conquest; and, in +order more effectually to secure it, his eyes rashly answered everything +which those of her royal highness had the kindness to tell him, whilst +his personal accomplishments were carefully heightened by all the +advantages of dress and show. + +The duchess, foreseeing the consequences of such an engagement, strongly +combated the inclination that hurried her away; but Miss Hobart, siding +with that inclination, argued the matter with her scruples, and, in the +end, really vanquished them. This girl had insinuated herself into her +royal highness's confidence by a fund of news with which she was provided +the whole year round: the court and the city supplied her; nor was it +very material to her whether her stories were true or false, her chief +care being that they should prove agreeable to her mistress: she knew, +likewise, how to gratify her palate, and constantly provided a variety of +those dishes and liquors which she liked best. These qualifications had +rendered her necessary; but, desirous of being still more so, and having +perceived both the airs that Sidney gave himself, and what was passing in +the heart of her mistress, the cunning Hobart took the liberty of telling +her royal highness that this unfortunate youth was pining away solely on +her account; that it was a thousand pities a man of his figure should +lose the respect for her which was most certainly her due, merely because +she had reduced him to such a state that he could no longer preserve it; +that he was gradually dying away on her account, in the sight of the +whole court; that his situation would soon be generally remarked, except +she made use of the proper means to prevent it; that, in her opinion, her +royal highness ought to pity the miserable situation into which her +charms had reduced him, and to endeavour to alleviate his pain in some +way or other. The duchess asked her what she meant by "endeavouring to +alleviate his pain in some way or other." "I mean, madam," answered Miss +Hobart, "that, if either his person be disagreeable, or his passion +troublesome, you will give him his discharge; or, if you choose to retain +him in your service, as all the princesses in the world would do in your +place, you will permit me to give him directions from you for his future +conduct, mixed with a few grains of hope, to prevent his entirely losing +his senses, until you find a proper occasion yourself to acquaint him +with your wishes." "What!" said the duchess, "would you advise me, +Hobart--you, who really love me--to engage in an affair of this nature, +at the expense of my honour, and the hazard of a thousand inconveniences! +If such frailties are sometimes excusable, they certainly are not so in +the high station in which I am placed; and it would be an ill-requital on +my part for his goodness who raised me to the rank I now fill to----" +"All this is very fine," interrupted Miss Hobart: "but is it not very +well known that he only married you because he was importuned so to do? +Since that I refer to yourself whether he has ever restrained his +inclination a single moment, giving you the most convincing proofs of +the change that has taken place in his heart, by a thousand provoking +infidelities? Is it still your intention to persevere in a state of +indolence and humility, whilst the duke, after having received the +favours, or suffered the repulses, of all the coquettes in England, pays +his addresses to the maids of honour, one after the other, and at present +places his whole ambition and desires in the conquest of that ugly +skeleton, Churchill? What! Madam, must then your prime of life be spent +in a sort of widowhood in deploring your misfortunes, without ever being +permitted to make use of any remedy that may offer? A woman must be +endowed with insuperable patience, or with an inexhaustible degree of +resignation, to bear this. Can a husband, who disregards you both night +and day, really suppose, because his wife eats and drinks heartily, as, +God be thanked, your royal highness does, that she wants nothing else +than to sleep well too? Faith, such conduct is too bad: I therefore once +more repeat that there is not a princess in the universe who would refuse +the homage of a man like Sidney, when a husband pays his addresses +elsewhere." + +These reasons were certainly not morally good; but had they been still +worse the duchess would have yielded to them, so much did her heart act +in concert with Miss Hobart, to overthrow her discretion and prudence. + +This intrigue began at the very time that Miss Hobart advised Miss Temple +not to give any encouragement to the addresses of the handsome Sidney. +As for him, no sooner was he informed by the confidant Hobart that +the goddess accepted his adoration than he immediately began to be +particularly reserved and circumspect in his behaviour, in order to +divert the attention of the public; but the public is not so easily +deceived as some people imagine. + +As there were too many spies, too many inquisitive people and critics, in +a numerous court, residing in the midst of a populous city, the duchess +to avoid exposing the inclinations of her heart to the scrutiny of so +many inquisitors, engaged the Duke of York to undertake the journey +before mentioned, whilst the queen and her court were at Tunbridge. + +This conduct was prudent; and, if agreeable to her, was far from +displeasing to any of her court, except Miss Jennings: Jermyn was not of +the party; and, in her opinion, every party was insipid in which he was +not one of the company. He had engaged himself in an enterprise above +his strength, in laying a wager which the Chevalier de Grammont had laid +before, and lost. He betted five hundred guineas that he would ride +twenty miles in one hour upon the same horse, in the high road. The day +he had fixed upon for this race was the very same in which Miss Jennings +went to the fortune-teller's. + +Jermyn was more fortunate than her in this undertaking he came off +victorious; but as his courage had far exceeded the strength of his +constitution in this exertion to win the wager, he got a violent fever +into the bargain, which brought him very low. Miss Jennings inquired +after his health; but that was all she dared to do. In modern romances, +a princess need only pay a visit to some hero, abandoned by his +physicians, a perfect cure would be wrought in three days; but since Miss +Jennings had not been the cause of Jermyn's fever, she was not certain of +relieving him from it, although she had been sure that a charitable visit +would not have been censured in a malicious court. Without therefore +paying any attention to the uneasiness she might feel upon the occasion, +the court set out without him: she had, however, the gratification to +testify her ill-humour throughout the whole journey, by appearing +displeased with everything which seemed to afford satisfaction to +all the rest of the company. + +Talbot made one of the company; and flattering himself that the absence +of a dangerous rival might produce some change in his favour, he was +attentive to all the actions, motions, and even gestures, of his former +mistress. There was certainly enough fully to employ his attention: it +was contrary to her disposition to remain long in a serious humour. Her +natural vivacity hurried her away, from being seemingly lost in thought, +into sallies of wit, which afforded him hopes that she would soon forget +Jermyn, and remember that his own passion was the first she had +encouraged. However, he kept his distance, notwithstanding his love and +his hopes, being of opinion that it ill became an injured lover to betray +either the least weakness, or the smallest return of affection, for an +ungrateful mistress, who had deserted him. + +Miss Jennings was so far from thinking of his resentments, that she +did not even recollect he had ever paid his addresses to her; and her +thoughts being wholly occupied upon the poor sick man, she conducted +herself towards Talbot as if they never had had anything to say to each +other. It was to him that she most usually gave her hand, either in +getting into or out of the coach; she conversed more readily with him +than any other person, and, without intending it, did everything to make +the court believe she was cured of her passion for Jermyn in favour of +her former lover. + +Of this he seemed likewise convinced, as well as the rest; and thinking +it now proper to act another part, in order to let her know that his +sentiments with respect to her were still the same, he had resolved to +address her in the most tender and affectionate manner upon this subject. +Fortune seemed to have favoured him, and to have smoothed the way for +this intended harangue: he was alone with her in her chamber; and, what +was still better, she was rallying him concerning Miss Boynton; saying, +"that they were undoubtedly much obliged to him for attending them on +their journey, whilst poor Miss Boynton had fainting fits at Tunbridge, +at least twice every day, for love of him." Upon this discourse, Talbot +thought it right to begin the recital of his sufferings and fidelity, +when Miss Temple, with a paper in her hand, entered the room. This was a +letter in verse, which Lord Rochester had written some time before, upon +the intrigues of the two courts; wherein, upon the subject of Miss +Jennings, he said: "that Talbot had struck terror among the people of +God, by his gigantic stature; but that Jermyn, like a little David, had +vanquished the great Goliath." Jennings, delighted with this allusion, +read it over two or three times, thought it more entertaining than +Talbot's conversation, at first heartily laughed at it, but soon after, +with a tender air, "Poor little David!" said she, with a deep sigh, and +turning her head on one side during this short reverie, she shed a few +tears, which assuredly did not flow for the defeat of the giant. This +stung Talbot to the quick; and, seeing himself so ridiculously deceived +in his hopes, he went abruptly out of the room, vowing never to think any +more of a giddy girl, whose conduct was regulated neither by sense nor +reason; but he did not keep his resolution. + +The other votaries of love, who were numerous in this court, were more +successful, the journey being undertaken solely on that account. There +were continual balls and entertainments upon the road; hunting, and all +other diversions, wherever the court halted in its progress. The tender +lovers flattered themselves with the thought of being able to crown their +happiness as they proceeded in their journey; and the beauties who +governed their destiny did not forbid them to hope. Sidney paid his +court with wonderful assiduity: the duchess made the duke take notice of +his late perfect devotion to his service: his royal highness observed it, +and agreed that he ought to be remembered upon the first opportunity, +which happened soon after. + +Montagu, as before mentioned, was master of the horse to the duchess: +he was possessed of a great deal of wit, had much penetration, and loved +mischief. How could she bear such a man near her person, in the present +situation of her heart? This greatly embarrassed her; but Montagu's +elder brother having, very a-propos, got himself killed where he had no +business, the duke obtained for Montagu the post of master of the horse +to the queen, which the deceased enjoyed; and the handsome Sidney was +appointed to succeed him in the same employment to the duchess. All this +happened according to her wish; and the duke was highly pleased that he +had found means to promote these two gentlemen at once, without being at +the least expense. + +Miss Hobart greatly applauded these promotions: she had frequent and long +conversations with Sidney, which, being remarked, some did her the honour +to believe it was upon her own account; and the compliments that were +made her upon the occasion she most willingly received. The duke, who +believed it at first, observed to the duchess the unaccountable taste of +certain persons, and how the handsomest young fellow in England was +infatuated with such a frightful creature. + +The duchess confessed that taste was very arbitrary; the truth whereof he +himself seemed to be convinced of, since he had fixed upon the beauteous +Helen for his mistress. I know not whether this raillery caused him to +reflect for what reasons he had made his choice; but it is certain he +began to cool in his affections for Miss Churchill; and perhaps he would +entirely have abandoned this pursuit, had not an accident taken place, +which raised in him an entirely new inclination for her. + +The court having halted for a few days in a fine open country, the +duchess was desirous of seeing a greyhound course. This diversion is +practised in England upon large downs, where the turf, eaten by the +sheep, is particularly green, and wonderfully even. She was in her +coach, and all the ladies on horseback, every one of them being attended +by her squire; it therefore was but reasonable that the mistress should +likewise have her squire. He accordingly was at the side of her coach, +and seemed to compensate for his deficiencies in conversation, by the +uncommon beauty of his mien and figure. + +The duke attended Miss Churchill, not for the sake of besieging her with +soft flattering tales of love, but, on the contrary, to chide her for +sitting so ill on horseback: She was one of the most indolent creatures +in the world; and although the maids of honour are generally the worst +mounted of the whole court, yet, in order to distinguish her, on account +of the favour she enjoyed, they had given her a very pretty, though +rather a high-spirited horse; a distinction she would very willingly +have excused them. + +The embarrassment and fear she was under had added to her natural +paleness. In this situation, her countenance had almost completed the +duke's disgust, when her horse, desirous of keeping pace with the others, +set off in a gallop, notwithstanding her greatest efforts to prevent it; +and her endeavours to hold him in, firing his mettle, he at length set +off at full speed, as if he was running a race against the duke's horse. + +Miss Churchill lost her seat, screamed out, and fell from her horse. +A fall in so quick a pace must have been violent; and yet it proved +favourable to her in every respect; for, without receiving any hurt, she +gave the lie to all the unfavourable suppositions that had been formed of +her person, in judging from her face. The duke alighted, in order to +help her: she was so greatly stunned, that her thoughts were otherwise +employed than about decency on the present occasion; and those who first +crowded around her found her rather in a negligent posture: they could +hardly believe that limbs of such exquisite beauty could belong to Miss +Churchill's face. After this accident, it was remarked that the duke's +tenderness and affection for her increased every day; and, towards the +end of the winter, it appeared that she had not tyrannized over his +passion, nor made him languish with impatience. + +The two courts returned to London much about the same time, equally +satisfied with their respective excursions; though the queen was +disappointed in the hopes she had entertained of the good effects +of the Tunbridge waters. + +It was about this time that the Chevalier de Grammont received a letter +from the Marchioness de Saint-Chaumont, his sister, acquainting him, that +he might return when he thought proper, the king having given him leave. +He would have received this news with joy at any other time, whatever had +been the charms of the English court; but, in the present situation of +his heart, he could not resolve to quit it. + +He had returned from Tunbridge a thousand times deeper in love than +ever; for, during this agreeable excursion, he had every day seen Miss +Hamilton, either in the marshes of melancholy Peckham, or in the +delicious walks of cheerful Summerhill, or in the daily diversions and +entertainments of the queen's court; and whether he saw her on horseback, +heard her conversation, or observed her in the dance, still he was +persuaded that Heaven had never formed an object in every respect more +worthy of the love, and more deserving of the affection, of a man of +sense and delicacy. How then was it possible for him to bear the +thoughts of leaving her? This appeared to him absolutely impracticable; +however, as he was desirous of making a merit with her, of the +determination he had made to neglect his fortune, rather than to be +separated from her charms, he showed her his sister's letter: but this +confidence had not the success he expected. + +Miss Hamilton, in the first place, congratulated him upon his recall: +She returned him many thanks for the sacrifice he intended to make her; +but as this testimony of affection greatly exceeded the bounds of mere +gallantry, however sensibly she might feel this mark of his tenderness, +she was, however, determined not to abuse it. In vain did he protest +that he would rather meet death than part from her irresistible charms; +and her irresistible charms protested that he should never see them more, +unless he departed immediately. Thus was he forced to obey. However, +he was allowed to flatter himself, that these positive orders, how harsh +soever they might appear, did not flow from indifference; that she would +always be more pleased with his return than with his departure, for which +she was now so urgent; and having generously given him assurances that, +so far as depended upon herself, he would find, upon his return, no +variation in her sentiments during his absence, he took leave of his +friends, thinking of nothing but his return, at the very time he was +making preparations for his departure. + + + + + + + MEMOIRS OF COUNT GRAMMONT, VOLUME 7. + + By Anthony Hamilton + + EDITED, WITH NOTES, BY SIR WALTER SCOTT + + + + + + CHAPTER ELEVENTH. + + RETURN OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT TO FRANCE--HE IS SENT + BACK TO ENGLAND--VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THIS COURT, + AND MARRIAGE OF MOST OF THE HEROES OF THESE MEMOIRS. + + +The nearer the Chevalier de Grammont approached the court of France, the +more did he regret his absence from that of England. + +A thousand different thoughts occupied his mind upon the journey: +Sometimes he reflected upon the joy and satisfaction his friends and +relations would experience upon his return; sometimes upon the +congratulations and embraces of those who, being neither the one nor the +other, would, nevertheless, overwhelm him with impertinent compliments: +All these ideas passed quickly through his head; for a man deeply in love +makes it a scruple of conscience not to suffer any other thoughts to +dwell upon his mind than those of the object beloved. It was then the +tender, endearing remembrance of what he had left in London that diverted +his thoughts from Paris; and it was the torments of absence that +prevented his feeling those of the bad roads and the bad horses. His +heart protested to Miss Hamilton, between Montreuil and Abbeville that he +only tore himself from her with such haste, to return the sooner; after +which, by a short reflection, comparing the regret he had formerly felt +upon the same road, in quitting France for England, with that which he +now experienced, in quitting England for France, he found the last much +more insupportable than the former. + +It is thus that a man in love entertains himself upon the road; or +rather, it is thus that a trifling writer abuses the patience of his +reader, either to display his own sentiments, or to lengthen out a +tedious story; but God forbid that this character should apply to +ourselves, since we profess to insert nothing in these memoirs, but what +we have heard from the mouth of him whose actions and sayings we transmit +to posterity. + +Who, except Squire Feraulas, has ever been able to keep a register of all +the thoughts, sighs, and exclamations, of his illustrious master? For my +own part, I should never have thought that the attention of the Count de +Grammont, which is at present so sensible to inconveniences and dangers, +would have ever permitted him to entertain amorous thoughts upon the +road, if he did not himself dictate to me what I am now writing. + +But let us speak of him at Abbeville. The postmaster was his old +acquaintance: His hotel was the best provided of any between Calais and +Paris; and the Chevalier de Grammont, alighting, told Termes he would +drink a glass of wine during the time they were changing horses. It was +about noon; and, since the preceding night, when they had landed at +Calais, until this instant, they had not eat a single mouthful. Termes, +praising the Lord, that natural feelings had for once prevailed over the +inhumanity of his usual impatience, confirmed him as much as possible in +such reasonable sentiments. + +Upon their entering the kitchen, where the Chevalier generally paid his +first visit, they were surprised to see half a dozen spits loaded with +game at the fire, and every other preparation for a magnificent +entertainment. The heart of Termes leaped for joy: he gave private +orders to the hostler to pull the shoes off some of the horses, that he +might not be forced away from this place before he had satisfied his +craving appetite. + +Soon after, a number of violins and hautboys, attended by all the mob of +the town, entered the court. The landlord, being asked the reason of +these great preparations, acquainted the Chevalier de Grammont that +they were for the wedding of one of the most wealthy gentlemen in the +neighbourhood with one of the handsomest girls in the whole province; +that the entertainment was to be at his house; and that, if his lordship +chose to stop, in a very short time he would see the new-married couple +arrive from the church, since the music was already come. He was right +in his conjectures; for these words were scarce out of his mouth, when +three uncommonly large coaches, loaded with lackeys, as tall as Swiss, +with most gaudy liveries, all covered with lace, appeared in the court, +and disembarked the whole wedding company. Never was country +magnificence more naturally displayed: Rusty tinsel, tarnished lace, +striped silks, little eyes, and full swelling breasts, appeared on every +side. + +If the first sight of the procession surprised the Chevalier de Grammont, +faithful Termes was no less astonished at the second. The little that +was to be seen of the bride's face appeared not without beauty; but no +judgment could be formed of the remainder: Four dozen of patches, at +least, and ten ringlets of hair, on each side, most completely concealed +her from all human eyes; but it was the bridegroom who most particularly +attracted the Chevalier de Grammont's attention. + +He was as ridiculously dressed as the rest of the company, except a coat +of the greatest magnificence, and of the most exquisite taste. The +Chevalier de Grammont, walking up to him to examine his dress, began to +commend the embroidery of his coat. The bridegroom thought himself much +honoured by this examination, and told him he bought it for one hundred +and fifty louis, at the time he was paying his addresses to his wife. +"Then you did not get it made here?" said the Chevalier de Grammont. +"No," replied the other; "I bought it of a London merchant, who had +ordered it for an English lord." The Chevalier de Grammont, who now +began to perceive in what manner the adventure would end, asked him if +he should recollect the merchant if he saw him again? "Recollect him!" +replied the other, "I surely ought; for I was obliged to sit up drinking +with him all night at Calais, as I was endeavouring to beat down the +price." Termes had vanished out of sight as soon as ever this coat +appeared, though he little supposed that the cursed bridegroom would +have any conversation concerning it with his master. + +The Chevalier's thoughts were some time wavering between his inclination +to laugh, and a desire of hanging Master Termes; but the long habit of +suffering himself to be robbed by his domestics, together with the +vigilance of the criminal, whom his master could not reproach with having +slept in his service, inclined him to clemency; and yielding to the +importunities of the country gentleman, in order to confound his faithful +servant, he sat down to table, to make the thirty-seventh of the company. + +A short time after, he desired one of the waiters to call for a gentleman +whose name was Termes. He immediately appeared; and as soon as the +master of the feast saw him, he rose from table, and offering him his +hand; "Welcome, my friend," said he; "you see that I have taken good care +of the coat which you sold me with so much reluctance, and that I have +kept it for a good purpose." + +Termes, having put on a face of brass, pretended not to know him, and +pushed him back with some degree of rudeness. "No, no!" said the other; +"since I was obliged to sit up with you the whole night, in order to +strike the bargain, you shall pledge me in the bride's health." +The Chevalier de Grammont, who saw that Termes was disconcerted, +notwithstanding his impudence, said to him with a smile: "Come, come, my +good London merchant, sit down, as you are so civilly invited: we are not +so crowded at table but that there will be room enough for such an honest +gentleman as yourself." At these words five-and-thirty of the guests +were in motion to receive this new visitor: the bride alone, out of an +idea of decorum, remained seated; and the audacious Termes, having +swallowed the first shame of this adventure, began to lay about him at +such a rate, as if it had been his intention to swallow all the wine +provided for the wedding, if his master had not risen from the table as +they were taking off four-and-twenty soups, to serve up as many other +dishes in their stead. + +The company were not so unreasonable as to desire a man who was in such +haste to remain to the end of a wedding dinner; but they all got up when +he arose from table, and all that he could obtain from the bridegroom was +that the company should not attend him to the gate of the inn. As for +Termes, he wished they had not quitted him till the end of their journey, +so much did he dread being left alone with his master. + +They had advanced some distance from Abbeville, and were proceeding on in +the most profound silence, when Termes, who expected an end to it in a +short time, was only solicitous in what manner it might happen, whether +his master would attack him with a torrent of invectives, and certain +epithets which were most justly his due, or whether, in an insulting, +ironical manner, he might make use of such commendations as were most +likely to confound him; but finding, instead of either, that he remained +in sullen silence, he thought it prudent rather to prevent the speech the +Chevalier was meditating than to suffer him to think longer about it; +and, accordingly, arming himself with all his effrontery: "You seem to be +very angry, Sir," said he, "and I suppose you think you have reason for +being so; but the devil take me, if you are not mistaken in reality." + +"How! traitor! in reality?" said the Chevalier de Grammont. "It is then +because I have not had thee well thrashed, as thou hast for a long time +merited." "Look ye, Sir," replied Termes, "you always run into a +passion, instead of listening to reason! Yes, Sir, I maintain that +what I did was for your benefit." "And was not the quicksand likewise +for my service?" said the Chevalier de Grammont. "Have patience, +if you please," pursued the other: "I know not how that simpleton of +a bridegroom happened to be at the custom-house when my portmanteau +was examined at Calais: but these silly cuckolds thrust in their noses +everywhere. As soon as ever he saw your coat, he fell in love with it. +I immediately perceived he was a fool; for he fell down upon his knees, +beseeching me to sell it him. Besides being greatly rumpled in the +portmanteau, it was all stained in front by the sweat of the horses. +I wonder how the devil he has managed to get it cleaned; but, faith, +I am the greatest scoundrel in the world, if you would ever have put it +on. In a word, it cost you one hundred and forty louis d'ors, and seeing +he offered me one hundred and fifty for it; 'My master,' said I, 'has no +occasion for this tinselled bauble to distinguish him at the ball; and, +although he was pretty full of cash when I left him, how know I in what +situation he may be upon my return? there is no certainty at play.' +To be brief, Sir, I got ten louis d'ors for it more than it cost you: +this you see is all clear profit: I will be accountable to you for it, +and you know that I am sufficiently substantial to make good such a sum. +Confess now, do you think you would have appeared to greater advantage at +the ball, if you had been dressed out in that damned coat, which would +have made you look just like the village bridegroom to whom we sold it? +and yet how you stormed at London when you thought it lost; what fine +stories you told the king about the quicksand; and how churlish you +looked, when you first began to suppose that this country booby wore it +at his wedding!" + +What could the Chevalier reply to such uncommon impudence? If he +indulged his resentment, he must either have most severely bastinadoed +him, or he must have discarded him, as the easiest escape the rogue could +expect; but he had occasion for him during the remainder of his journey; +and, as soon as he was at Paris, he had occasion for him for his return. + +The Marechal de Grammont had no sooner notice of his arrival than he went +to him at the hotel; and, the first embraces being over on both sides, +"Chevalier," said the Marechal, "how many days have you been in coming +from London hither? for God knows at what a rate you travel on such +occasions." The Chevalier told him he had been three days upon the road; +and, to excuse himself for making no more haste, he related to him his +Abbeville adventure. "It is a very entertaining one," said his brother; +"but what is yet more entertaining is, that it will be your fault if you +do not find your coat still at table; for the country gentry are not +accustomed to rise very soon from a wedding dinner." And then, in a +very serious tone, told him, "he knew not who had advised him to this +unexpected return, which might probably ruin all his affairs; but he had +orders from the king to bid him go back again without appearing at court. +He told him afterwards that he was very much astonished at his +impatience, as, till this time, he had conducted himself uncommonly well, +and was sufficiently acquainted with the king's temper to know that the +only way to merit his pardon was to wait until it freely came from his +clemency." + +The Chevalier, in justification of his conduct, produced Madame de Saint +Chaumont's letter, and told the Marechal that he would very willingly +have spared her the trouble of writing him such kind of news, to occasion +him so useless a journey. "Still more indiscretion," replied his +brother; "for pray how long has our sister being either secretary of +state or minister, that she should be employed by the king to make +known his majesty's order? Do you wish to know the real state of the +case? Some time ago the king told Madame--[Henrietta]--how you had +refused the pension the King of England offered you. + + ["Henrietta, youngest daughter of Charles the First,--born at Exeter + 16th June, 1644, from whence she was removed to London in 1646, and, + with her governess, Lady Dalkeith, soon afterwards conveyed to + France. On the restoration, she came over to England with her + mother, but returned to France in about six months, and was married + to Philip, Duke of Orleans, only brother of Louis XIV. In May, + 1670, she came again to Dover, on a mission of a political nature, + it is supposed, from the French king to her brother, in which she + was successful. She died, soon after her return to France, + suddenly, not without suspicion of having been poisoned by her + husband. King James, in his Diary, says, 'On the 22d of June, the + news of the Duchess of Orleans' death arrived. It was suspected + that counter-poisons were given her; but when she was opened, in the + presence of the English ambassador, the Earl of Ailesbury, an + English physician and surgeon, there appeared no grounds of + suspicion of any foul play. Yet Bucks tallied openly that she was + poisoned; and was so violent as to propose to foreign ministers to + make war on France.'--Macpherson's Original Papers, vol i. At the + end of Lord Arlington's Letters are five very remarkable ones from a + person of quality, who is said to have been actually on the spot, + giving a particular relation of her death.] + +"He appeared pleased with the manner in which Comminges had related to him +the circumstances attending it, and said he was pleased with you for it: +Madame interpreted this as an order for your recall; and Madame de Saint +Chaumont being very far from possessing that wonderful discretion she +imagines herself mistress of, she hastened to despatch to you this +consequential order in her own hand. To conclude, Madame said yesterday, +when the king was at dinner, that you would very soon be here; and the +king, as soon as dinner was over, commanded me to send you back as soon +as you arrived. Here you are; set off again immediately." + +This order might have appeared severe to the Chevalier de Grammont at any +other time; but, in the present state of his heart, he soon resolved upon +obeying. Nothing gave him uneasiness but the officious advice which had +obliged him to leave the English court; and being entirely unconcerned +that he was not allowed to see the French court before his departure, he +only desired the Marechal to obtain leave for him to stay a few days to +collect in some play debts which were owing him. This request was +granted, on condition that he should not remain in Paris. + +He chose Vaugirard for his retreat: it was there that he had several +adventures which he so often related in so humorous and diverting a +manner, that it would be tedious to repeat them; there it was that he +administered the sacrament in so solemn a manner, that, as there did not +remain a sufficient number of Swiss at Versailles to guard the chapel, +Vardes was obliged to acquaint the king that they were all gone to the +Chevalier de Grammont, who was administering the sacrament at Vaugirard: +there likewise happened that wonderful adventure which threw the first +slur upon the reputation of the great Saucourt, when, having a +tete-a-tete with the gardener's daughter, the horn, which was agreed upon +as the signal to prevent surprises, was sounded so often, that the +frequent alarms cooled the courage of the celebrated Saucourt, and +rendered useless the assignation that was procured for him with one of +the prettiest girls in the neighbourhood. It was, likewise, during his +stay at Vaugirard, that he paid a visit to Mademoiselle de l'Hopital at +Issy, to inquire into the truth of a report of an amour between her +and a man of the long robe; and it was there that, on his arriving +unexpectedly, the President de Maisons was forced to take refuge in a +closet, with so much precipitation, that half of his robe remained on the +outside when he shut the door; while the Chevalier de Grammont, who +observed it, made his visit excessively long, in order to keep the two +lovers upon the rack. + +His business being settled, he set out for England on the wings of love. +Termes redoubled his vigilance upon the road. The post horses were ready +in an instant at every stage: the winds and tides favoured his +impatience; and he reached London with the highest satisfaction. The +court was both surprised and charmed at his sudden return. No person +condoled with him upon his late disappointment, which had occasioned him +to come back, as he testified no manner of uneasiness concerning it +himself: nor was Miss Hamilton in the least displeased at his readiness +in obeying the orders of the king his master. + +Nothing new had happened in the English court during his short absence; +but it assumed a different aspect soon after his return: I mean with +respect to love and pleasure, which were the most serious concerns of the +court during the greatest part of this gay reign. + +The Duke of Monmouth, natural son to Charles the Second, now made his +first appearance in his father's court. + + [James Duke of Monmouth, was the son of Charles the II., by one Lucy + Walters. He was born at Rotterdam, April 9, 1649, and bore the name + of James Crofts until the restoration. His education was chiefly at + Paris, under the eye of the queen-mother, and the government of + Thomas Ross, Esq., who was afterwards secretary to Mr. Coventry + during his embassy in Sweden. At the restoration, he was brought to + England, and received with joy by his father, who heaped honours and + riches upon him, which were not sufficient to satisfy his ambitious + views. To exclude his uncle, the Duke of York, from the throne, he + was continually intriguing with the opposers of government, and was + frequently in disgrace with his sovereign. On the accession of + James II. he made an ineffectual attempt to raise a rebellion, was + taken prisoner, and beheaded on Tower-hill, 15th July, 1685. Mr. + Macpherson has drawn his character in the following terms: + "Monmouth, highly beloved by the populace, was a fit instrument to + carry forward his (i.e. Shaftesbury's) designs. To a gracefulness + which prejudiced mankind in his favour as soon as seen, he joined an + affability which gained their love. Constant in his friendships, + and just to his word, by nature tender, and an utter enemy to + severity and cruelty, active and vigorous in his constitution, he + excelled in the manly exercises of the field. He was personally + brave. He loved the pomp and the very dangers of war. But with + these splendid qualities, he was vain to a degree of folly, + versatile in his measures, weak in his understanding. He was + ambitious without dignity, busy without consequence, attempting ever + to be artful, but always a fool. Thus, taking the applause of the + multitude for a certain mark of merit, he was the dupe of his own + vanity, and owed all his misfortunes to that weakness."--History of + England, vol. i., chap. iii.] + +His entrance upon the stage of the world was so brilliant, his ambition +had occasioned so many considerable events, and the particulars of his +tragical end are so recent, that it were needless to produce any other +traits to give a sketch of his character. By the whole tenor of his +life, he appeared to be rash in his undertakings, irresolute in the +execution, and dejected in his misfortunes, in which, at least, an +undaunted resolution ought to equal the greatness of the attempt. + +His figure and the exterior graces of his person were such, that nature +perhaps never formed anything more complete: His face was extremely +handsome; and yet it was a manly face, neither inanimate nor effeminate; +each feature having its beauty and peculiar delicacy: He had a wonderful +genius for every sort of exercise, an engaging aspect, and an air of +grandeur: in a word, he possessed every personal advantage; but then he +was greatly deficient in mental accomplishments. He had no sentiments +but such as others inspired him with; and those who first insinuated +themselves into his friendship, took care to inspire him with none but +such as were pernicious. The astonishing beauty of his outward form +caused universal admiration: those who before were looked upon as +handsome were now entirely forgotten at court: and all the gay and +beautiful of the fair sex were at his devotion. He was particularly +beloved by the king; but the universal terror of husbands and lovers. +This, however, did not long continue; for nature not having endowed him +with qualifications to secure the possession of the heart, the fair sex +soon perceived the defect. + +The Duchess of Cleveland was out of humour with the king, because the +children she had by his majesty were like so many little puppets, +compared to this new Adonis. She was the more particularly hurt, as she +might have boasted of being the queen of love, in comparison with the +duke's mother. + +The king, however, laughed at her reproaches, as, for some time, she had +certainly no right to make any; and, as this piece of jealousy appeared +to be more ill-founded than any she had formerly affected, no person +approved of her ridiculous resentment. Not succeeding in this, she +formed another scheme to give the king uneasiness: Instead of opposing +his extreme tenderness for his son, she pretended to adopt him, in her +affection, by a thousand commendations and caresses, which she was daily +and continually increasing. As these endearments were public, she +imagined they could not be suspected; but she was too well known for +her real design to be mistaken. The king was no longer jealous of her; +but, as the Duke of Monmouth was of an age not to be insensible to the +attractions of a woman possessing so many charms, he thought it proper to +withdraw him from this pretended mother-in-law, to preserve his +innocence, or at least his fame, uncontaminated: it was for this reason, +therefore, that the king married him so young. An heiress of five +thousand pounds a-year in Scotland, offered very a-propos: her person was +full of charms, and her mind possessed all those perfections in which the +handsome Monmouth was deficient. + + [This was Lady Anne Scott, daughter and sole heir of Francis, Earl + of Buccleugh, only son and heir of Walter, Lord Scott, created Earl + of Buccleugh in 1619. On their marriage the duke took the surname + of Scott, and he and his lady were created Duke and Duchess of + Buccleugh, Earl and Countess of Dalkeith, Baron and Baroness of + Whitchester and Ashdale in Scotland, by letters patent, dated April + 20th, 1673. Also, two days after he was installed at Windsor, the + king and queen, the Duke of York, and most of the court being + present. The next day, being St. George's day, his majesty + solemnized it with a royal feast, and entertained the knights + companions in St. George's hall in the castle of Windsor. Though + there were several children of this marriage, it does not appear to + have been a happy one; the duke, without concealment attaching + himself to Lady Harriet Wentworth, whom, with his dying breath, he + declared he considered as his only wife in the sight of God. The + duchess, in May, 1688, took to her second husband Charles, Lord + Cornwallis. She died Feb. 6, 1731-32, in the 81st year of her age, + and was buried at Dalkeith in Scotland. Our author is not more + correct about figures than he avows himself to be in the arrangement + of facts and dates: the duchess's fortune was much greater than he + has stated it to have been.] + +New festivals and entertainments celebrated this marriage. The most +effectual method to pay court to the king, was to outshine the rest in +brilliancy and grandeur; and whilst these rejoicings brought forward all +manner of gallantry and magnificence, they either revived old, or +established new amours. + +The fair Stewart, then in the meridian of her glory, attracted all eyes, +and commanded universal respect and admiration. The Duchess of Cleveland +endeavoured to eclipse her at this fate, by a load of jewels, and by all +the artificial ornaments of dress; but it was in vain: her face looked +rather thin and pale, from the commencement of a third or fourth +pregnancy, which the king was still pleased to place to his own account; +and, as for the rest, her person could in no respect stand in competition +with the grace and beauty of Miss Stewart. + +It was during this last effort of her charms, that she would have been +queen of England, had the king been as free to give his hand as he was +to surrender his heart: for it was at this time that the Duke of Richmond +took it into his head either to marry her, or to die in the attempt. + +A few months after the celebration of the Duke of Monmouth's nuptials, +Killegrew, having nothing better to do; fell in love with Lady +Shrewsbury; and, as Lady Shrewsbury, by a very extraordinary chance, +had no engagement at that time, their amour was soon established. No one +thought of interrupting an intimacy which did not concern any one; but +Killegrew thought proper to disturb it himself. Not that his happiness +fell short of his expectation, nor did possession put him out of love +with a situation so enviable; but he was amazed that he was not envied, +and offended that his good fortune raised him no rivals. + +He possessed a great deal of wit, and still more eloquence, which most +particularly displayed itself when he was a little elevated with the +juice of the grape: he then indulged himself in giving luxurious +descriptions of Lady Shrewsbury's most secret charms and beauties, which +above half the court were as well acquainted with as himself. + +The Duke of Buckingham was one of those who could only judge from outward +appearances: and appearances, in his opinion, did not seem to promise any +thing so exquisite as the extravagant praises of Killegrew would infer. +As this indiscreet lover was a frequent guest at the Duke of Buckingham's +table, he was continually employing his rhetoric on this subject, and he +had full opportunity for his harangues; for they generally sat down to +dinner at four o'clock, and only rose just in time for the play in the +evening. + +The Duke of Buckingham, whose ears were continually deafened with +descriptions of Lady Shrewsbury's merits, resolved at last to examine +into the truth of the matter himself. As soon as he had made the +experiment, he was satisfied; and, though he fancied that fame did +not exceed the truth, yet this intrigue began in such a manner, that +it was generally believed its duration would be short, considering, the +fickleness of both parties, and the vivacity with which they had engaged +in it: nevertheless, no amour in England ever continued so long. + +The imprudent Killegrew, who could not be satisfied without rivals, was +obliged, in the end, to be satisfied without a mistress. This he bore +very impatiently; but so far was Lady Shrewsbury from hearkening to, or +affording any redress for the grievances at first complained of, that she +pretended even not to know him. His spirit could not brook such +treatment; and without ever considering that he was the author of his own +disgrace, he let loose all his abusive eloquence against her ladyship: he +attacked her with the most bitter invectives from head to foot: he drew +a frightful picture of her conduct; and turned all her personal charms, +which he used to extol, into defects. He was privately warned of the +inconveniences to which these declamations might subject him, but +despised the advice, and, persisting, he soon had reason to repent it. + +As he was returning one evening from the Duke of York's apartments at +St. James's, three passes with a sword were made at him through his +chair, one of which went entirely through his arm. Upon this, he was +sensible of the danger to which his intemperate tongue had exposed him, +over and above the loss of his mistress. The assassins made their escape +across the Park, not doubting but they had dispatched him. + +Killegrew thought that all complaints would be useless; for what redress +from justice could he expect for an attempt of which his wounds were his +only evidence? And, besides, he was convinced that if he began a +prosecution founded upon appearances and conjectures, the parties +concerned would take the shortest and most effectual means to put a stop +to all inquiries upon the subject, and that their second attempt would +not prove ineffectual. Being desirous, therefore, of deserving mercy +from those who had endeavoured to assassinate him, he no longer continued +his satires, and said not a word of the adventure. The Duke of +Buckingham and Lady Shrewsbury remained for a long period both happy and +contented. Never before had her constancy been of so long a duration; +nor had he ever been so submissive and respectful a lover. + +This continued until Lord Shrewsbury, who never before had shown the +least uneasiness at his lady's misconduct, thought proper to resent this: +it was public enough, indeed, but less dishonourable to her than any of +her former intrigues. Poor Lord Shrewsbury, too polite a man to make any +reproaches to his wife, was resolved to have redress for his injured +honour: he accordingly challenged the Duke of Buckingham; and the Duke +of Buckingham, as a reparation for his honour, having killed him upon the +spot, remained a peaceable possessor of this famous Helen. The public +was at first shocked at the transaction; but the public grows familiar +with everything by habit, and by degrees both decency, and even virtue +itself, are rendered tame, and overcome. The queen was at the head of +those who exclaimed against so public and scandalous a crime, and against +the impunity of such a wicked act. As the Duchess of Buckingham was a +short fat body, like her majesty, who never had had any children, and +whom her husband had abandoned for another; this sort of parallel in +their situations interested the queen in her favour; but it was all in +vain: no person paid any attention to them; the licentiousness of the age +went on uncontrolled, though the queen endeavoured to raise up the +serious part of the nation, the politicians and devotees, as enemies +against it. + +The fate of this princess was in many cases truly melancholy: The king, +indeed, paid her every outward attention; but that was all: She easily +perceived that the respect he entertained for her daily diminished, in +proportion as the credit of her rivals increased: She saw that the king +her husband was now totally indifferent about legitimate children, since +his all-charming mistresses bore him others. As all the happiness of her +life depended upon that blessing, and as she flattered herself that the +king would prove kinder to her if Heaven would vouchsafe to grant her +desires, she had recourse to all the celebrated secrets against +sterility: pious vows, nine days' prayers, and offerings having been +tried in all manners, but all to no purpose, she was at last obliged +to return to natural means. + +What would she have given on this occasion for the ring which Archbishop +Turpin wore on his finger, and which made Charlemagne run after him, in +the same manner as it had made him run after one of his concubines, from +whose finger Turpin had taken it after her death! But it is now many +years since the only talismans for creating love are the charms of the +person beloved, and foreign enchantments have been looked upon as +ineffectual. The queen's physicians, men of great prudence, sagacity, +and wisdom, as they always are, having duly weighed and considered that +the cold waters of Tunbridge had not succeeded in the preceding year, +concluded that it would be advisable for her to try the warm baths at +Bristol--[Probably Bath, D.W.]--This journey was therefore fixed for the +next season; and in the confidence of its proving effectual, this +excursion would have afforded her much pleasure, if the most dangerous of +her rivals had not been one of the first that was appointed to attend the +court. The Duchess of Cleveland being then near her time, there was no +uneasiness on her account: the common rules of decency required a little +attention. The public, it is true, was not either more or less +acquainted with the circumstances of her situation; by the care which +she now took to conceal it; but her appearing at court in her present +condition would have been too great an insult to the queen. Miss +Stewart, more handsome than ever, was appointed for this excursion, and +began to make magnificent preparations. The poor queen durst say nothing +against it; but all hopes of success immediately forsook her. What could +the baths, or the feeble virtue of the waters, perform against charms +that entirely counteracted their effects, either through the grief and +uneasiness they occasioned her, or by their still more powerful +consequences? + +The Chevalier de Grammont, to whom all pleasures were insipid without the +presence of Miss Hamilton, was yet unable to excuse himself from +attending the court: the king delighted too much in his sprightly +conversation to leave him behind; and however pleasing his company might +have been in the solitude occasioned by the absence of the court, Miss +Hamilton did not think it right to accept his offer of staying in town, +because she was obliged to remain there: she, however, granted him the +permission of writing her an account of any news that might occur upon +the journey. He failed not to make use of this permission, in such a +manner as one may imagine: and his own concerns took up so much space +in his letters, that there was very little room left for other subjects +during his stay at the baths. As absence from the object of his +affections rendered this place insupportable, he engaged in everything +that might dissipate his impatience, until the happy moment of return +arrived. + +He had a great esteem for the elder of the Hamiltons; no less esteem, and +far more friendship for his brother, whom he made the confidant of his +passion and attachment for his sister. The Chevalier was also acquainted +with his first engagements with his cousin Wetenhall; but being ignorant +of the coldness that had interrupted a commerce so brisk in its +commencement, he was surprised at the eagerness he showed upon all +occasions to please Miss Stewart: his assiduity appeared to the Chevalier +de Grammont to exceed those civilities and attentions that are usually +paid for the purpose of making court to the favourites of princes. +He observed him more strictly, and soon perceived that he was deeper in +love with her than was consistent either with his fortune or his repose. +As soon as the remarks he made had confirmed him in his suspicions, +he resolved to use his endeavours to prevent the consequences of an +engagement pernicious in every respect: but he waited for a proper +opportunity of speaking to him upon the subject. + +In the mean time, the court enjoyed every kind of diversion, in a place +where amusement is sought with avidity. The game of bowls, which in +France is the pastime of mechanics and servants only, is quite the +contrary in England, where it is the exercise of gentlemen, and requires +both art and address: it is only in use during the fair and dry part of +the season, and the places where it is practised are charming, delicious +walks, called bowling-greens, which are little square grass plots, where +the turf is almost as smooth and level as the cloth of a billiard-table. +As soon as the heat of the day is over, all the company assemble there: +they play deep; and spectators are at liberty to make what bets they +please. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, long before initiated in the English games +and diversions, had been engaged in a horse-race, in which he was indeed +unsuccessful; but he had the satisfaction of being convinced by +experience, that an English horse can go twenty miles upon the high road +in less than an hour. He was more fortunate at cock-fighting; and in the +bets he made at the bowling-green, the party he betted upon never failed +to win. + +Near all these places of diversion there is usually a sort of inn, or +house of entertainment, with a bower or arbour, in which are sold all +sorts of English liquors, such as cider, mead, bottled beer, and Spanish +wines. Here the rooks meet every evening to drink, smoke, and to try +their skill upon each other, or, in other words, to endeavour to trick +one another out of the winnings of the day. These rooks are, properly +speaking, what we call capons or piqueurs, in France; men who always +carry money about them, to enable them to lend to losing gamesters, for +which they receive a gratification, which is nothing for such as play +deep, as it is only two per cent., and the money to be repaid the next +day. + +These gentlemen are so nice in their calculations, and so particularly +skilful in all manner of games, that no person would dare to enter the +lists with them, were they even assured that no unfairness would be +practised. Besides, they make a vow, to win four or five guineas a day, +and to be satisfied with that gain; a vow which they seldom or never +break. + +It was in the midst of a company of these rooks, that Hamilton found the +Chevalier de Grammont, when he called in one evening to get a glass of +cider. They were playing at hazard; and as he who holds the dice is +supposed to have the advantage, the rooks did the Chevalier de Grammont +that honour out of compliment: he had the dice in his hand when Hamilton +came into the room. The rooks, secure of their odds, were betting +against him at a high rate, and he took all. + +Hamilton could hardly believe his eyes, to see a man of his experience +and knowledge engaged in so unequal a contest; but it was to no purpose +that he informed him of his danger, both aloud in French, and in private +by signs; he still disregarded his warnings, and the dice, that bore +Caesar and his fortunes, performed a miracle in his favour. The rooks +were defeated for the first time, but not without bestowing upon him all +the encomiums and praises of being a very fair and honourable player, +which they never fail to lavish upon those whom they wish to engage a +second time; but all their commendations were lost, and their hopes +deceived: the Chevalier was satisfied with the first experiment. + +Hamilton, when the king was at supper, related to him how he found the +Chevalier de Grammont rashly engaged with the rooks, and in what manner +he had been providentially preserved. "Indeed, Sir," said the Chevalier +de Grammont, "the rooks were discomfited for once;" and thereupon related +the adventure to his majesty in his usual way, attracting the attention +of all the company, to a circumstance trifling in itself, but rendered +interesting by his humour. + +After supper, Miss Stewart, in whose apartment there was play, called +Hamilton to her to tell the story. The Chevalier de Grammont, perceiving +that she attended to him with pleasure, was fully confirmed in the truth +of his first conjectures; and, having carried Hamilton home with him to +supper, they began to discourse freely together as usual, "George," said +the Chevalier de Grammont, "are you in any want of money? I know you +love play: perhaps it may not be so favourable to you as it is to me. We +are at a great distance from London. Here are two hundred guineas: take +them, I beseech you; they will do to play with at Miss Stewart's." +Hamilton, who little expected this conclusion, was rather disconcerted. +"How! at Miss Stewart's!" "Yes, in her apartments. Friend George," +continued the Chevalier de Grammont, "I have not yet lost my eyes: you +are in love with her, and, if I am not mistaken, she is not offended at +it; but tell me how you could resolve to banish poor Wetenhall from your +heart, and suffer yourself to be infatuated with a girl, who perhaps +after all is not worth the other, and who besides, whatever favourable +dispositions she may have for you, will undoubtedly in the end prove your +ruin. Faith, your brother and you are two pretty fellows, in your +choice. What! can you find no other beauties in all the court to fall +in love with, except the king's two mistresses! As for the elder +brother, I can pardon him he only took Lady Castlemaine after his master +had done with her, and after Lady Chesterfield had discarded him; but, +as for you, what the devil do you intend to do with a creature, on whom +the king seems every day to dote with increasing fondness? Is it because +that drunken sot Richmond has again come forward, and now declares +himself one of her professed admirers? You will soon see what he will +make by it: I have not forgotten what the king said to me upon the +subject. 'Believe me, my dear friend, there is no playing tricks with +our masters; I mean, there is no ogling their mistresses.' I myself +wanted to play the agreeable in France with a little coquette, whom +the king did not care about, and you know how dearly I paid for it. +I confess she gives you fair play, but do not trust to her. All the sex +feel an unspeakable satisfaction at having men in their train, whom they +care not for, and to use them as their slaves of state, merely to swell +their equipage. Would it not be a great deal better to pass a week or +ten days incognito at Peckham, with the philosopher Wetenhall's wife, +than to have it inserted in the Dutch Gazette.--We hear from Bristol, +that such a one is banished the court on account of Miss Stewart, and +that he is going to make a campaign in Guinea on board the fleet that is +fitting out for the expedition, under the command of Prince Rupert." + +Hamilton, who was the more convinced of the truth of this discourse, the +more he considered it, after musing some time, appeared to wake from a +dream, and addressing himself with an air of gratitude to the Chevalier +de Grammont: "Of all the men in the world, my dear friend," said he, "you +have the most agreeable wit, and at the same time the clearest judgment +with respect to your friends: what you have told me has opened my eyes. +I began to suffer myself to be seduced by the most ridiculous illusion +imaginable, and to be hurried away rather by frivolous appearances than +any real inclination: to you I owe the obligation of having preserved me +from destruction at the very brink of a precipice. This is not the only +kindness you have done me, your favours have been innumerable; and, +as a proof of my gratitude for this last, I will follow your advice, +and go into retirement at my cousin Wetenhall's, to eradicate from my +recollection every trace of those chimeras which lately possessed my +brain; but so far from going thither incognito, I will take you along +with me, as soon as the court returns to London. My sister shall +likewise be of the party; for it is prudent to use all precautions with +a man who, with a great deal of merit, on such occasions is not over +scrupulous, if we may credit your philosopher." "Do not pay any +attention to that pedant," replied the Chevalier de Grammont: "but tell +me what put it into your head to form a design upon that inanimate +statue, Miss Stewart?" "How the devil should I know?" said Hamilton: +"you are acquainted with all her childish amusements. The old Lord +Carlingford was at her apartment one evening, showing her how to hold a +lighted wax candle in her mouth, and the grand secret consisted in +keeping the burning end there a long time without its being extinguished. +I have, thank God, a pretty large mouth, and, in order to out-do her +teacher, I took two candles into my mouth at the same time, and walked +three times round the room without their going out. Every person present +adjudged me the prize of this illustrious experiment, and Killegrew +maintained that nothing but a lanthorn could stand in competition with +me. Upon this she was like to die with laughing; and thus was I admitted +into the familiarity of her amusements. It is impossible to deny her +being one of the most charming creatures that ever was: since the court +has been in the country, I have had an hundred opportunities of seeing +her, which I had not before. You know that the dishabille of the bath is +a great convenience for those ladies, who, strictly adhering to all the +rules of decorum, are yet desirous to display all their charms and +attractions. Miss Stewart is so fully acquainted with the advantages she +possesses over all other women, that it is hardly possible to praise any +lady at court for a well-turned arm, and a fine leg, but she is ever +ready to dispute the point by demonstration; and I really believe, that, +with a little address, it would not be difficult to induce her to strip +naked, without ever reflecting upon what she was doing. After all, a man +must be very insensible to remain unconcerned and unmoved on such happy +occasions; and, besides, the good opinion we entertain of ourselves is +apt to make us think a woman is smitten, as soon as she distinguishes us +by habitual familiarity, which most commonly signifies nothing. This is +the truth of the matter with respect to myself: my own presumption, her +beauty, the brilliant station that sets it off, and a thousand kind +things she had said to me, prevented me from making serious reflections; +but then, as some excuse for my folly, I must likewise tell you, that the +facility I found in making her the tenderest declarations by commending +her, and her telling me in confidence a thousand things which she ought +not to have entrusted me with, might have deceived or infatuated any +other man as well as myself. + +"I presented her with one of the prettiest horses in England. You know +what peculiar grace and elegance distinguish her on horseback. The king, +who, of all the diversions of the chase, likes none but hawking, because +it is the most convenient for the ladies, went out the other day to take +this amusement, attended by all the beauties of his court. His majesty +having galloped after a falcon, and the whole bright squadron after him, +the rustling of Miss Stewart's petticoats frightened her horse, which was +at full speed, endeavouring to come up with mine, that had been his +companion; so that I was the only witness of a disorder in her clothes, +which displayed a thousand new beauties to my view. I had the good +fortune to make such gallant and flattering exclamations upon that +charming disorder as to prevent her being concerned or out of countenance +upon it: on the contrary, this subject of my admiration has been +frequently since the subject of our conversation, and did not seem to +displease her. + +"Old Lord Carlingford, and that mad fellow, Crofts (for I must now make +you my general confession), those insipid buffoons, were frequently +telling her some diverting stories, which passed pretty well with the +help of a few old threadbare jests, or some apish tricks in the recital, +which made her laugh heartily. As for myself, who know no stories, and +do not possess the talent of improving them by telling, if I did know +any, I was often greatly embarrassed when she desired me to tell her one: +'I do not know one, indeed,' said I, one day, when she was teazing me on +the subject. 'Invent one, then,' said she. 'That would be still more +difficult,' replied I; 'but if you will give me leave, madam, I will +relate to you a very extraordinary dream, which has, however, less +appearance of truth in it than dreams generally have.' This excited her +curiosity, which would brook no denial. I therefore began to tell her +that the most beautiful creature in the world, whom I loved to +distraction, paid me a visit in my sleep. I then drew her own portrait, +with a rapturous description of all her beauties; adding, that this +goddess, who came to visit me with the most favourable intentions, did +not counteract them by any unreasonable cruelty. This was not sufficient +to satisfy Miss Stewart's curiosity: I was obliged to relate every +particular circumstance of the kindness I experienced from this delicate +phantom; to which she was so very attentive, that she never once appeared +surprised or disconcerted at the luscious tale. On the contrary, she +made me repeat the description of the beauty, which I drew as near as +possible after her own person, and after such charms as I imagined of +beauties that were unknown to me. + +"This is, in fact, the very thing that had almost deprived me of my +senses: she knew very well that she herself was the person I was +describing: we were alone, as you may imagine, when I told her this +story; and my eyes did their utmost to persuade her that it was herself +whom I drew. I perceived that she was not in the least offended at +knowing this; nor was her modesty in the least alarmed at the relation of +a fiction, which I might have concluded in a manner still less discreet, +if I had thought proper. This patient audience made me plunge headlong +into the ocean of flattering ideas that presented themselves to my +imagination. I then no longer thought of the king, nor how passionately +fond he was of her, nor of the dangers attendant upon such an engagement: +in short, I know not what the devil I was thinking of; but I am very +certain that, if you had not been thinking for me, I might have found my +ruin in the midst of these distracted visions." + +Not long after, the court returned to London; and from that time, some +malevolent star having gained the ascendant, every thing went cross in +the empire of Love: vexation, suspicions, or jealousies, first entered +the field, to set all hearts at variance; next, false reports, slander, +and disputes, completed the ruin of all. + +The Duchess of Cleveland had been brought to bed while the court was at +Bristol; and never before had she recovered from her lying-in with such +a profusion of charms. This made her believe that she was in a proper +state to retrieve her ancient rights over the king's heart, if she had an +opportunity of appearing before him with this increased splendour. Her +friends being of the same opinion, her equipage was prepared for this +expedition; but the very evening before the day she had fixed on to set +out, she saw young Churchill, and was at once seized with a disease, +which had more than once opposed her projects, and which she could never +completely get the better of. + + [Churchill--Afterwards the celebrated Duke of Marlborough. He was + born midsummer-day, 1650, and died June 16, 1722. Bishop Burnet + takes notice of the discovery of this intrigue. "The Duchess of + Cleveland finding that she had lost the king, abandoned herself to + great disorders; one of which, by the artifice of the Duke of + Buckingham, was discovered by the king in person, the party + concerned leaping out of the window."--History of his own Times, + vol. i. p. 370. This was in 1668. A very particular account of + this intrigue is to be seen in the Atalantis of Mrs. Manley, vol. + i., p. 30. The same writer, who had lived as companion to the + Duchess of Cleveland, says, in the account of her own life, that she + was an eye-witness when the duke, who had received thousands from + the duchess, refused the common civility of lending her twenty + guineas at basset.--The history of Rivella, 4th ed. 1725, p. 33. + Lord Chesterfield's character of this noblemen is too remarkable to + be omitted. + + "Of all the men that ever I knew in my life, (and I knew him + extremely well,) the late Duke of Marlborough possessed the graces + in the highest degree, not to say engrossed them: and indeed he got + the most by them! for I will venture, (contrary to the custom of + profound historians, who always assign deep causes to great events,) + to ascribe the better half of the Duke of Marlborough's greatness + and riches to those graces. He was eminently illiterate, wrote bad + English, and spelled it still worse. He had no share of what is + commonly called parts; that is, he had no brightness, nothing + shining in his genius. He had, most undoubtedly, an excellent good + plain understanding, with sound judgment. But these alone would + probably have raised him but something higher than they found him, + which was page to King James II.'s queen. There the graces + protected and promoted him; for while he was an ensign of the + guards, the Duchess of Cleveland, then favourite mistress to King + Charles II., struck by those very graces, gave him five thousand + pounds; with which he immediately bought an annuity for his life, of + five hundred pounds a-year, of my grandfather, Halifax; which was + the foundation of his subsequent fortune. His figure was beautiful; + but his manner was irresistible by either man or woman. It was by + this engaging, graceful manner, that he was enabled, during all his + wars, to connect the various and jarring powers of the grand + alliance, and to carry them on to the main object of the war, + notwithstanding their private and separate views, jealousies, and + wrong-headednesses. Whatever court he went to, (and he was often + obliged to go himself to some restive and refractory ones,) he as + constantly prevailed, and brought them into his measures. The + pensionary Heinsius, a venerable old minister, grown grey in + business, and who had governed the republic of the United Provinces + for more than forty years, was absolutely governed by the Duke of + Marlborough, as that republic feels to this day. He was always + cool; and nobody ever observed the least variation in his + countenance. He could refuse more gracefully than other people + could grant; and those who went away from him the most dissatisfied, + as to the substance of their business, were yet personally charmed + with him, and, in some degree, comforted by his manner. With all + his gracefulness, no man living was more conscious of his situation, + or maintained his dignity better."--Chest. Letters, letter 136.] + +A man who, from an ensign in the guards, was raised to such a fortune, +must certainly possess an uncommon share of prudence, not to be +intoxicated with his happiness. Churchill boasted in all places of +the new favour he had received: the Duchess of Cleveland, who neither +recommended to him circumspection in his behaviour, nor in his +conversation, did not seem to be in the least concerned at his +indiscretion. Thus this intrigue was become a general topic in all +companies, when the court arrived in London, and occasioned an immense +number of speculations and reasonings: some said she had already +presented him with Jermyn's pension, and Jacob Hall's salary, because +the merits and qualifications of both were united in his person: others +maintained that he had too indolent an air, and too delicate a shape, +long to maintain himself in her favour; but all agreed that a man who was +the favourite of the king's mistress, and brother to the duke's +favourite, was in a fair way of preferment, and could not fail to make +his fortune. As a proof, the Duke of York soon after gave him a place in +his household: this was naturally to be expected; but the king, who did +not think that Lady Cleveland's kindness to him was a sufficient +recommendation to his favour, thought proper to forbid him the court. + +This good-natured king began now to be rather peevish: nor was it +altogether without reason: he disturbed no person in their amours, and +yet others had often the presumption to encroach upon his. Lord Dorset, +first lord of the bed-chamber, had lately debauched from his service Nell +Gwyn, the actress. Lady Cleveland, whom he now no longer regarded, +continued to disgrace him by repeated infidelities with unworthy rivals, +and almost ruined him by the immense sums she lavished on her gallants; +but that which most sensibly affected him, was the late coldness and +threats of Miss Stewart. He long since had offered her all the +settlements and all the titles she could desire, until he had an +opportunity more effectually to provide for her, which she had pretended +only to decline, for fear of the scandal they might occasion, on her +being raised to a rank which would attract the public notice; but since +the return of the court, she had given herself other airs: sometimes she +was for retiring from court, to appease the continual uneasiness her +presence gave the queen: at other times it was to avoid temptations, +by which she wished to insinuate that her innocence was still preserved: +in short, the king's heart was continually distracted by alarms, or +oppressed by humour and caprice. + +As he could not for his life imagine what Miss Stewart wished him to do, +or what she would be at, he thought upon reforming his establishment of +mistresses, to try whether jealousy was not the real occasion of her +uneasiness. It was for this reason that, after having solemnly declared +he would have nothing more to say to the Duchess of Cleveland, since her +intrigue with Churchill, he discarded, without any exception, all the +other mistresses which he had in various parts of the town. The Nell +Gwyns, the Misses Davis, and the joyous rain of singers and dancers in +his majesty's theatre, were all dismissed. All these sacrifices were +ineffectual: Miss Stewart continued to torment, and almost to drive the +king to distraction; but his majesty soon after found out the real cause +of this coldness. + +This discovery was owing to the officious Duchess of Cleveland, who, ever +since her disgrace, had railed most bitterly against Miss Stewart as the +cause of it, and against the king's weakness, who, for an inanimate +idiot, had treated her with so much indignity. As some of her grace's +creatures were still in the king's confidence, by their means she was +informed of the king's uneasiness, and that Miss Stewart's behaviour was +the occasion of it--and as soon as she had found the opportunity she had +so long wished for, she went directly into the king's cabinet, through +the apartment of one of his pages called Chiffinch. This way was not new +to her. + +The king was just returned from visiting Miss Stewart, in a very ill +humour: the presence of the Duchess of Cleveland surprised him, and did +not in the least diminish it: she, perceiving this, accosted him in an +ironical tone, and with a smile of indignation. "I hope," said she, +"I may be allowed to pay you my homage, although the angelic Stewart has +forbid you to see me at my own house. I will not make use of reproaches +and expostulations, which would disgrace myself: still less will I +endeavour to excuse frailties which nothing can justify, since your +constancy for me deprives me of all defence, considering I am the only +person you have honoured with your tenderness, who has made herself +unworthy of it by ill conduct. I come now, therefore, with no other +intent than to comfort and to condole with you upon the affliction and +grief into which the coldness, or new-fashioned chastity of the inhuman +Stewart have reduced your majesty." These words were attended by a fit +of laughter, as unnatural and strained as it was insulting and +immoderate, which completed the king's impatience: he had, indeed, +expected that some bitter jest would follow this preamble; but he did not +suppose she would have given herself such blustering airs, considering +the terms they were then upon; and, as he was preparing to answer her: +"be not offended," said she, "that I take the liberty of laughing at the +gross manner in which you are imposed upon: I cannot bear to see that +such particular affectation should make you the jest of your own court, +and that you should be ridiculed with such impunity. I know that the +affected Stuart has sent you away, under pretence of some indisposition, +or perhaps some scruple of conscience; and I come to acquaint you that +the Duke of Richmond will soon be with her, if he is not there already. +I do not desire you to believe what I say, since it might be suggested +either through resentment or envy: only follow me to her apartment, +either that, no longer trusting calumny and malice, you may honour her +with a just preference, if I accuse her falsely; or, if my information be +true, you may no longer be the dupe of a pretended prude, who makes you +act so unbecoming and ridiculous a part." + +As she ended this speech, she took him by the hand, while he was yet +undecided, and pulled him away towards her rival's apartments. Chiffinch +being in her interest, Miss Stewart could have no warning of the visit; +and Babiani, who owed all to the Duchess of Cleveland, and who served her +admirably well upon this occasion, came and told her that the Duke of +Richmond had just gone into Miss Stewart's chamber. It was in the middle +of a little gallery, which, through a private door, led from the king's +apartments to those of his mistresses. The Duchess of Cleveland wished +him good night, as he entered her rival's chamber, and retired, in order +to wait the success of the adventure, of which Babiani, who attended the +king, was charged to come and give her an account. + +It was near midnight: the king, in his way, met his mistress's +chamber-maids, who respectfully opposed his entrance, and in a very low +voice, whispered his majesty that Miss Stewart had been very ill since he +left her: but that, being gone to bed, she was, God be thanked, in a very +fine sleep. "That I must see," said the king, pushing her back, who had +posted herself in his way. He found Miss Stewart in bed, indeed, but far +from being asleep: the Duke of Richmond was seated at her pillow, and in +all probability was less inclined to sleep than herself. The perplexity +of the one party, and the rage of the other, were such as may easily be +imagined upon such a surprise. The king, who, of all men, was one of the +most mild and gentle, testified his resentment to the Duke of Richmond in +such terms as he had never before used. The duke was speechless, and +almost petrified: he saw his master and his king justly irritated. The +first transports which rage inspires on such occasions are dangerous. +Miss Stewart, window was very convenient for a sudden revenge, the Thames +flowing close beneath it: he cast his eyes upon it; and, seeing those of +the king more incensed and fired with indignation than he thought his +nature capable of, he made a profound bow, and retired, without replying +a single word to the vast torrent of threats and menaces that were poured +upon him. + +Miss Stewart, having a little recovered from her first surprise, instead +of justifying herself, began to talk in the most extravagant manner, and +said everything that was most capable to inflame the king's passion and +resentment; that, if she were not allowed to receive visits from a man of +the Duke of Richmond's rank, who came with honourable intentions, she was +a slave in a free country; that she knew of no engagement that could +prevent her from disposing of her hand as she thought proper; but, +however, if this was not permitted her in his dominions, she did not +believe that there was any power on earth that could hinder her from +going over to France, and throwing herself into a convent, to enjoy there +that tranquillity which was denied her in his court. The king, sometimes +furious with anger, sometimes relenting at her tears, and sometimes +terrified at her menaces, was so greatly agitated, that he knew not how +to answer, either the nicety of a creature who wanted to act the part of +Lucretia under his own eye, or the assurance with which she had the +effrontery to reproach him. In this suspense, love had almost entirely +vanquished all his resentments, and had nearly induced him to throw +himself upon his knees, and entreat pardon for the injury he had done +her, when she desired him to retire, and leave her in repose, at least +for the remainder of that night, without offending those who had either +accompanied him, or conducted him to her apartments, by a longer visit. +This impertinent request provoked and irritated him to the highest +degree: he went out abruptly, vowing never to see her more, and passed +the most restless and uneasy night he had ever experienced since his +restoration. + +The next day the Duke of Richmond received orders to quit the court, and +never more to appear before the king; but it seems he had not waited for +those orders, having set out early that morning for his country seat. + +Miss Stewart, in order to obviate all injurious constructions that might +be put upon the adventure of the preceding night, went and threw herself +at the queen's feet; where, acting the new part of an innocent Magdalen, +she entreated her majesty's forgiveness for all the sorrow and uneasiness +she might have already occasioned her. She told her majesty that a +constant and sincere repentance had induced her to contrive all possible +means for retiring from court: that this reason had inclined her to +receive the Duke of Richmond's addresses, who had courted her a long +time; but since this courtship had caused his disgrace, and had likewise +raised a vast noise and disturbance, which perhaps might be turned to the +prejudice of her reputation, she conjured her Majesty to take her under +her protection, and endeavour to obtain the king's permission for her to +retire into a convent, to remove at once all those vexations and troubles +her presence had innocently occasioned at court. All this was +accompanied with a proper deluge of tears. + +It is a very agreeable spectacle to see a rival prostrate at our feet, +entreating pardon, and at the same time justifying her conduct. The +queen's heart not only relented, but she mingled her own tears with those +of Miss Stewart. After having raised her up, and most tenderly embraced +her, she promised her all manner of favour and protection, either in her +marriage, or in any other course she thought fit to pursue, and parted +from her with the firm resolution to exert all her interest in her +support; but, being a person of great judgment, the reflections which +she afterwards made, induced her to change her opinion! + +She knew that the king's disposition was not capable of an obstinate +constancy. She therefore judged that absence would cure him, or that a +new engagement would by degrees entirely efface the remembrance of Miss +Stewart, and that, since she could not avoid having a rival, it was more +desirable she should be one who had given such eminent proofs of her +prudence and virtue. Besides, she flattered herself that the king would +ever think himself eternally obliged to her, for having opposed the +retreat and marriage of a girl, whom at that time he loved to +distraction. This fine reasoning determined her conduct. All her +industry was employed in persuading Miss Stewart to abandon her schemes; +and what is most extraordinary in this adventure, is, that, after having +prevailed upon her to think no more either of the Duke of Richmond, or of +a nunnery, she charged herself with the office of reconciling these two +lovers. + +Indeed it would have been a thousand pities if her negotiation had +miscarried but she did not suffer this misfortune; for never were the +king's addresses so eager and passionate as after this peace, nor ever +better received by the fair Stewart. + +His majesty did not long enjoy the sweets of a reconciliation, which +brought him into the best good humour possible, as we shall see. All +Europe was in a profound peace, since the treaty of the Pyrenees: Spain +flattered herself she should be able to recruit, by means of the new +alliance she had contracted with the most formidable of her neighbours; +but despaired of being able to support the shattered remains of a +declining monarchy, when she considered the age and infirmities of her +prince, or the weakness of his successor: France, on the contrary, +governed by a king indefatigable in business, young, vigilant, and +ambitious of glory, wanted nothing but inclination to aggrandize herself. + +It was about this time, that the king of France, not willing to disturb +the tranquillity of Europe, was persuaded to alarm the coasts of Africa, +by an attempt, which, if it had even been crowned with success, would +have produced little good; but the king's fortune, ever faithful to his +glory, has since made it appear, by the miscarriage of the expedition of +Gigeri, that such projects only as were planned by himself were worthy of +his attention. + + [Gigeri is about forty leagues from Algiers. Till the year 1664 the + French had a factory there; but then attempting to build a fort on + the sea-coast, to be a check upon the Arabs, they came down from the + mountains, beat the French out of Gigeri, and demolished their fort. + Sir Richard Fanshaw, in a letter to the deputy governor of Tangier, + dated 2nd December, 1664, N.S., says, "We have certain intelligence + that the French have lost Gigheria, with all they had there, and + their fleet come back, with the loss of one considerable ship upon + the rocks near Marseilles."--Fanshaw's Letters, vol. i. p. 347.] + +A short time after, the king of England, having resolved also to explore +the African coasts, fitted out a squadron for an expedition to Guinea, +which was to be commanded by Prince Rupert. Those who, from their own +experience, had some knowledge of the country, related strange and +wonderful stories of the dangers attendant upon this expedition that they +would have to fight not only the inhabitants of Guinea, a hellish people, +whose arrows were poisoned, and who never gave their prisoners better +quarter than to devour them, but that they must likewise endure heats +that were insupportable, and rains that were intolerable, every drop of +which was changed into a serpent: that, if they penetrated farther into +the country, they would be assaulted by monsters a thousand times more +hideous and destructive than all the beasts mentioned in the Revelations. + +But all these reports were vain and ineffectual: for so far from striking +terror into those who were appointed to go upon this expedition, it +rather acted as an incentive to glory, upon those who had no manner of +business in it. Jermyn appeared among the foremost of those; and, +without reflecting that the pretence of his indisposition had delayed +the conclusion of his marriage with Miss Jennings, he asked the duke's +permission, and the king's consent to serve in it as a volunteer. + +Some time before this, the infatuation which had imposed upon the fair +Jennings in his favour had begun to subside. All that now inclined her +to this match were the advantages of a settlement. The careless +indolence of a lover, who faintly paid his addresses to her, as it were +from custom or habit, disgusted her; and the resolution he had taken, +without consulting her, appeared so ridiculous in him, and so injurious +to herself, that, from that moment, she resolved to think no more of him. +Her eyes being opened by degrees, she saw the fallacy of the splendour, +which had at first deceived her; and the renowned Jermyn was received +according to his real merit when he came to acquaint her with his +heroical project. There appeared so much indifference and ease in the +raillery with which she complimented him upon his voyage, that he was +entirely disconcerted, and so much the more so, as he had prepared all +the arguments he thought capable of consoling her, upon announcing to her +the fatal news of his departure. She told him, "that nothing could be +more glorious for him, who had triumphed over the liberty of so many +persons in Europe, than too and extend his conquests in other parts of +the world; and that she advised him to bring home with him all the female +captives he might make in Africa, in order to replace those beauties whom +his absence would bring to the grave." + +Jermyn was highly displeased that she should be capable of raillery in +the condition he supposed her reduced to; but he soon perceived she was +in earnest: she told him, that she considered this farewell visit as his +last, and desired him not to think of making her any more before his +departure. + +Thus far everything went well on her side: Jermyn was not only confounded +at having received his discharge in so cavalier a manner; but this very +demonstration of her indifference had revived, and even redoubled, all +the love and affection he had formerly felt for her. Thus she had both +the pleasure of despising him, and of seeing him more entangled in the +chains of love than he had ever been before. This was not sufficient: +she wished still farther, and very unadvisedly, to strain her resentment. + +Ovid's Epistles,--[This is the translation of Ovid's Epistles published +by Mr. Dryden. The second edition of it was printed in 1681.]-- +translated into English verse by the greatest wits at court, having +lately been published, she wrote a letter from a shepherdess in despair, +addressed to the perfidious Jermyn. She took the epistle of Ariadne to +Theseus for her model. The beginning of this letter contained, word for +word, the complaints and reproaches of that injured fair to the cruel man +by whom she had been abandoned. All this was properly adapted to the +present times and circumstances. It was her design to have closed this +piece with a description of the toils, perils, and monsters, that awaited +him in Guinea, for which he quitted a tender mistress, who was plunged +into the abyss of misery, and was overwhelmed with grief and despair; but +not having had time to finish it, nor to get that which she had written +transcribed, in order to send it to him under a feigned name, she +inconsiderately put this fragment, written in her own hand, into her +pocket, and, still more giddily, dropped it in the middle of the court. +Those who took it up, knowing her writing, made several copies of it, +which were circulated all over the town; but her former conduct had so +well established the reputation of her virtue, that no person entertained +the smallest doubt but the circumstances were exactly as we have related +them. Some time after, the Guinea expedition was laid aside for reasons +that are universally known, and Miss Jenning's subsequent proceedings +fully justified her letter; for, notwithstanding all the efforts and +attentions Jermyn practised to regain her affections, she would never +more hear of him. + +But he was not the only man who experienced the whimsical fatality, that +seemed to delight in disuniting hearts, in order to engage them soon +after to different objects. One would have imagined that the God of +Love, actuated by some new caprice, had placed his empire under the +dominion of Hymen, and had, at the same time, blind-folded that God, in +order to cross-match most of the lovers whom we have been speaking of' + +The fair Stewart married the Duke of Richmond; the invincible Jermyn, a +silly country girl; Lord Rochester, a melancholy heiress; the sprightly +Temple, the serious Lyttleton; Talbot, without knowing why or wherefore, +took to wife the languishing Boynton; George Hamilton, under more +favourable auspices, married the lovely Jennings; and the Chevalier de +Grammont, as the reward of a constancy he had never before known, and +which he never afterwards practised, found Hymen and Love united in his +favour, and was at last blessed with the possession of Miss Hamilton. + + [After the deaths of Miss Boynton and of George Hamilton, Talbot + married Miss Jennings, and became afterwards Duke of Tyrconnel.] + + ["The famous Count Grammont was thought to be the original of The + Forced Marriage. This nobleman, during his stay at the court of + England, had made love to Miss Hamilton, but was coming away for + France without bringing matters to a proper conclusion. The young + lady's brothers pursued him, and came up with him near Dover, in + order to exchange some pistol-shot with him: They called out, 'Count + Grammont, have you forgot nothing at London?' 'Excuse me,' answered + the Count, guessing their errand, 'I forgot to marry your sister; so + lead on, and let us finish that affair.' By the pleasantry of the + answer, this was the same Grammont who commanded at the siege of a + place, the governor of which capitulated after a short defence, and + obtained an easy capitulation. The governor then said to Monsieur + Grammont, I'll tell you a secret--that the reason of my capitulation + was, because I was in want of powder.' Monsieur replied, 'And + secret for secret--the reason of my granting you such an easy + capitulation was, because I was in want of ball."--Biog. Gallica, + vol. i., p. 202. + + Count Grammont and his lady left England in 1669. King Charles in a + letter to his sister, the Duchess of Orleans, dated 24th October, in + that year, says, "I writt to you yesterday, by the Compte de + Grammont, but I beleeve this letter will come sooner to your handes; + for he goes by the way of Diep, with his wife and family; and now + that I have named her, I cannot chuse but againe desire you to be + kinde to her; for, besides the merrit her family has on both sides, + she is as good a creature as ever lived. I beleeve she will passe + for a handsome woman in France, though she has not yett, since her + lying-inn, recovered that good shape she had before, and I am + affraide never will."--Dalxymple's Memoirs, vol. ii. p. 26. + + "The Count de Grammont fell dangerously ill in the year 1696; of + which the king (Louis XIV.) being informed, and knowing, besides, + that he was inclined to libertinism, he was pleased to send the + Marquis of Dangeau to see how he did, and to advise him to think of + God. Hereupon Count de Grammont, turning towards his wife, who had + ever been a very devout lady, told her, Countess, if you don't look + to it, Dangeau will juggle you out of my conversion. Madame de + l'Enclos having afterwards written to M. de St Evremond that Count + de Grammont was recovered, and turned devout,--I have learned, + answered he to her, with a great deal of pleasure, that Count de + Grammont has recovered his former health, and acquired a new + devotion. Hitherto I have been contented with being a plain honest + man; but I must do something more; and I only wait for your example + to become a devotee. You live in a country where people have + wonderful advantages of saving their souls, there vice is almost as + opposite to the mode as to virtue; sinning passes for ill-breeding, + and shocks decency and good manners, as much as religion, Formerly + it was enough to be wicked; now one must be a scoundrel withal, to + be damned in France. They who have not regard enough for another + life, are led to salvation by the consideration and duties of this." + --"But there is enough upon a subject in which the conversion of the + Count de Grammont has engaged me: I believe it to be sincere and + honest. It well becomes a man who is not young, to forget he has + been so."--Life of St. Evremond, by Des Marzeaux, p. 136; and St. + Evremond's Works, vol. ii. p. 431.] + + + + + PG EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS: + + All day poring over his books, and went to bed soon + Ambition to pass for a wit, only established her tiresome + An affectation of purity of manners + As all fools are who have good memories + Better memory for injuries than for benefits + Better to know nothing at all, than to know too much + Better to partake with another than to have nothing at all + Busy without consequence + By a strange perversion of language, styled, all men of honour + Despising everything which was not like themselves + Devote himself to his studies, than to the duties of matrimony + Duke would see things if he could + Embellish the truth, in order to enhance the wonder + Entreating pardon, and at the same time justifying her conduct + Envy each other those indulgences which themselves refuse + Every thing that is necessary is honourable in politics + Four dozen of patches, at least, and ten ringlets of hair + Good attendants, but understood cheating still better + Great earnestness passed for business + Grew so fat and plump that it was a blessing to see her + Hardly possible for a woman to have less wit, or more beauty + He had no sentiments but such as others inspired him with + He talked eternally, without saying anything + He as little feared the Marquis as he loved him + His mistress given him by his priests for penance + How I must hate you, if I did not love you to distraction + Impenetrable stupidity (passed) for secrecy + Impertinent compliments + Life, in his opinion, was too short to read all sorts of books + Long habit of suffering himself to be robbed by his domestics + Maxim of all jealous husbands + Never felt the pressure of indigence + Not disagreeable, but he had a serious contemplative air + Not that he wanted capacity, but he was too self-sufficient + Obstinate against all other advices + Offended that his good fortune raised him no rivals + One amour is creditable to a lady + Possessed but little raillery, and still less patience + Public is not so easily deceived as some people imagine + Public grows familiar with everything by habit + Reasons of state assume great privileges + Resolved to renounce the church for the salvation of my soul + She just said what she ought, and no more + So weak as to transform your slave into your tyrant + Terrible piece of furniture for the country (educated girl) + The shortest follies are the best + There are men of real merit, or pretenders to it + They can by no means bear the inconstancy of their mistresses + Those who open a book merely to find fault + Very willing to accept, but was tardy in making returns + Wealth was necessary for the conveniencies of a long life + What jealousy fears, and what it always deserves + What a glory would it be to have a Cato for a husband + Would have been criminal even in chastity to spare (her husband) + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Memoirs of Count Grammont, Complete +by Anthony Hamilton (Edited by Sir Walter Scott) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MEMOIRS COUNT GRAMMONT *** + +***** This file should be named 5416.txt or 5416.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.net/5/4/1/5416/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Be sure to check the +copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing +this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook. + +This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project +Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**EBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These EBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers***** + + +Title: The Memoirs of Count Grammont, Complete + +Author: Anthony Hamilton (Edited by Sir Walter Scott) + +Release Date: April, 2004 [EBook #5416] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on July 12, 2002] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + + + + + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MEMOIRS OF GRAMMONT, ALL, BY HAMILTON *** + + + +This eBook was produced by David Widger <widger@cecomet.net> + + + +[NOTE: There is a short list of bookmarks, or pointers, at the end of the +file for those who may wish to sample the author's ideas before making an +entire meal of them. D.W.] + + + + + + MEMOIRS OF COUNT GRAMMONT + + By Anthony Hamilton + + EDITED, WITH NOTES, BY SIR WALTER SCOTT + + + + +CONTENTS: + +BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH OF ANTHONY HAMILTON + +CHAPTER FIRST. + INTRODUCTION + +CHAPTER SECOND. + ARRIVAL OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT AT THE SIEGE OF TRINO, + AND THE LIFE HE LED THERE + +CHAPTER THIRD. + EDUCATION AND ADVENTURES OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT BEFORE + HIS COMING TO THE SIEGE OF TRINO + +CHAPTER FOURTH. + HIS ARRIVAL AT THE COURT OF TURIN, AND HOW HE SPENT HIS TIME THERE + +CHAPTER FIFTH. + HE RETURNS TO THE COURT OF FRANCE--HIS ADVENTURES AT THE SIEGE OF + ARRAS--HIS REPLY TO CARDINAL MAZARIN--HE IS BANISHED THE COURT + +CHAPTER SIXTH. + HIS ARRIVAL AT THE ENGLISH COURT--THE VARIOUS PERSONAGES OF + THIS COURT + +CHAPTER SEVENTH. + HE FALLS IN LOVE WITH MISS HAMILTON--VARIOUS ADVENTURES AT THE BALL + IN THE QUEEN'S DRAWING-ROOM--CURIOUS VOYAGE OF HIS VALET-DE-CHAMBRE + TO AND FROM PARIS + +CHAPTER EIGHTH. + FUNNY ADVENTURE OF THE CHAPLAIN POUSSATIN--THE STORY OF THE SIEGE OF + LERIDA--MARRIAGE OF THE DUKE OF YORK, AND OTHER DETAILS ABOUT THE + ENGLISH COURT + +CHAPTER NINTH. + VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT + +CHAPTER TENTH. + OTHER LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT + +CHAPTER ELEVENTH. + RETURN OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT TO FRANCE--HE IS SENT BACK TO + ENGLAND--VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THIS COURT, AND MARRIAGE OF MOST + OF THE HEROES OF THESE MEMOIRS + + + + + BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH + OF + ANTHONY HAMILTON. + + +Anthony Hamilton, the celebrated author of the Grammont Memoirs, much +cannot now be with certainty known. + + [For uniformity's sake the writer of this sketch has followed the + Memoirs in the spelling of this name; but he thinks it necessary to + observe that it should be Gramont, not Grammont.] + +The accounts prefixed to the different editions of his works, down to the +year 1805, are very imperfect; in that year a new, and, in general, far +better edition than any of the preceding ones, was published in Paris, +to which a sketch of his life was also added; but it contains rather just +criticisms on his works, than any very novel or satisfactory anecdote +concerning himself. It is not pretended here to gratify literary +curiosity as fully as it ought to be, with regard to this singular and +very ingenious man; some effort, however, may be made to communicate a +few more particulars relative to him, than the public has hitherto, +perhaps, been acquainted with. + +Anthony Hamilton was of the noble family of that name: Sir George +Hamilton, his father, was a younger son of James, Earl of Abercorn, a +native of Scotland. His mother was daughter of Lord Thurles, and sister +to James, the first Duke of Ormond; his family and connections therefore, +on the maternal side, were entirely Irish. He was, as well as his +brothers and sisters, born in Ireland, it is generally said, about the +year 1646; but there is some reason to imagine that it was three or four +years earlier. The place of his birth, according to the best family +accounts, was Roscrea, in the county of Tipperary, the usual residence of +his father when not engaged by military or public business. + + [In September, 1646, Owen O'Neale took Roscrea, and, as Carte says, + "put man, woman, and child to the sword, except Sir George + Hamilton's lady, sister to the Marquis of Ormond, and some few + gentlewomen whom he kept prisoners." No family suffered more in + those disastrous times than the house of Ormond. Lady Hamilton died + in August, 1680, as appears from an interesting and affecting letter + of her brother, the Duke of Ormond, dated Carrick, August 25th. He + had lost his noble son, Lord Ossory, not three weeks before.] + +It has been always said, that the family migrated to France when Anthony +was an infant; but this is not the fact: "Sir George Hamilton," says +Carte, "would have accompanied his brother-in-law, the Marquis of Ormond, +to France, in December, 1650: but, as he was receiver-general in Ireland, +he stayed to pass his accounts, which he did to the satisfaction of all +parties, notwithstanding much clamour had been raised against him." When +that business was settled, he, in the spring of 1651, took Lady Hamilton +and all his family to France, and resided with Lord and Lady Ormond, near +Caen, in Normandy, + + [Hence possibly Voltaire's mistake in stating that Hamilton was born + at Caen, in his Catalogue des Ecrivains du Siecle de Louis XIV.] + +in great poverty and distress, till the Marchioness of Ormond, a lady +whose mind was as exalted as her birth, went over to England, and, after +much solicitation obtained two thousand pounds a-year from her own and, +her husband's different estates in Ireland. This favour was granted her +by Cromwell, who always professed the greatest respect for her. The +Marchioness resided in Ireland, with the younger part of her family, from +1655 till after the Restoration; while the Marquis of Ormond continued +for a considerable part of that period with his two sisters, Lady +Clancarty and Lady Hamilton, at the Feuillatines, in the Faubourg St. +Jacques, in Paris. + +It appears from a letter of the Marquis to Sir Robert Southwell, that, +although he himself was educated in the Protestant religion, not only his +father and mother, but all his brothers and sisters, were bred, and +always continued, Roman Catholics. Sir George Hamilton also, according +to Carte, + + [That historian states that the king (Charles I.) deprived several + papists of their military commissions, and, among others, Sir George + Hamilton, who, notwithstanding, served him with loyalty and + unvarying fidelity.] + +was a Roman Catholic; Anthony, therefore, was bred in the religion of his +family, and conscientiously adhered to it through life. He entered early +into the army of Louis XIV., as did his brothers George, Richard, and +John, the former of whom introduced the company of English gens d'armes +into France, in 1667, according to Le Pere Daniel, author of the History +of the French Army, who adds the following short account of its +establishment: Charles II., being restored to his throne, brought over to +England several catholic officers and soldiers, who had served abroad +with him and his brother, the Duke of York, and incorporated them with +his guards; but the parliament having obliged him to dismiss all officers +who were Catholics, the king permitted George Hamilton to take such as +were willing to accompany him to France, where Louis XIV. formed them +into a company of gens d'armes, and being highly pleased with them, +became himself their captain, and made George Hamilton their captain- +lieutenant:--[They were composed of English, Scotch, and Irish.] Whether +Anthony belonged to this corps I know not; but this is certain, that he +distinguished himself particularly in his profession, and was advanced to +considerable posts in the French service. + +Anthony Hamilton's residence was now almost constantly in France. Some +years previous to this he had been much in England, and, towards the +close of Charles II.'s reign, in Ireland, where so many of his +connections remained. When James II. succeeded to the throne, the door +being then opened to the Roman Catholics, he entered into the Irish army, +where we find him, in 1686, a lieutenant-colonel in Sir Thomas Newcomen's +regiment. That he did not immediately hold a higher rank there, may +perhaps be attributed to the recent accession of the king, his general +absence from Ireland, the advanced age of his uncle, the Duke of Ormond, +and, more than all, perhaps, to his Grace's early disapprobation of +James's conduct in Ireland, which displayed itself more fully afterwards, +especially in the ecclesiastical promotions. + +Henry, Earl of Clarendon, son to the lord-chancellor, was at that time +lord-lieutenant of Ireland, and appears, notwithstanding his general +distrust and dislike of the Catholics, to have held Anthony Hamilton in +much estimation: he speaks of his knowledge of, and constant attention +to, the duties of his profession; his probity, and the dependance that +was to be placed on him, in preference to others of the same religious +persuasion, and, in October, 1686, wrote to the Earl of Sunderland +respecting him, as follows: "I have only this one thing more to trouble +your lordship with at present, concerning Colonel Anthony Hamilton, to +get him a commission to command as colonel, though he is but lieutenant- +colonel to Sir Thomas Newcomen, in regard of the commands he has had +abroad: and I am told it is often done in France, which makes me hope it +will not be counted an unreasonable request. I would likewise humbly +recommend to make Colonel Anthony Hamilton a privy-councillor here." +Lord Clarendon's recommendations were ultimately successful: Hamilton was +made a privy-councillor in Ireland, and had a pension of L200 a year on +the Irish establishment; and was appointed governor of Limerick, in the +room of Sir William King, notwithstanding he had strongly opposed the +new-modelling of the army by the furious Tyrconnel. In the brief +accounts which have been given of his life, it is said that he had a +regiment of infantry; but, though this is very probable, there is no +mention whatever of his commanding a regiment in the lists published of +King James's army, which are supposed to be very accurate: he is indeed +set down among the general officers. Lord Clarendon, in one of his +letters to the lord-treasurer, states, "That the news of the day was, +that Colonel Russell was to be lieutenant-colonel to the Duke of Ormond's +regiment, and that Colonel Anthony Hamilton was to have Russell's +regiment, and that Mr. Luttrell was to be lieutenant-colonel to Sir +Thomas Newcomen, in the place of Anthony Hamilton." It is not known +whether Anthony was present at the battle of the Boyne, or of Aughrim: +his brother John was killed at the latter; and Richard, who was a +lieutenant-general, led on the cavalry with uncommon gallantry and +spirit at the Boyne it is to be wished that his candour and integrity +had equalled his courage; but, he acted with great duplicity; and King +William's contemptuous echoing back his word to him, when he declared +something on his honour, is well known: He is frequently mentioned by +Lord Clarendon, but by no means with the same approbation as his brother. +After the total overthrow of James's affairs in Ireland, the two brothers +finally quitted these kingdoms, and retired to France. Richard lived +much with the Cardinal de Bouillon, who was the great protector of the +Irish in France, and kept (what must have been indeed highly consolatory +to many an emigrant of condition) a magnificent table, which has been +recorded in the most glowing and grateful terms, by that gay companion, +and celebrated lover of good cheer, Philippe de Coulanges, who +occasionally mentions the "amiable Richard Hamilton" as one of the +cardinal's particular intimates. Anthony, who was regarded particularly +as a man of letters and elegant talents, resided almost entirely at St. +Germain: solitary walks in the forest of that place occupied his leisure +hours in the morning; and poetical pursuits, or agreeable society, +engaged the evening: but much of his time seems to have rolled heavily +along; his sister, Madame de Grammont, living more at court, or in Paris, +than always suited his inclinations or his convenience. His great +resource at St. Germain was the family of the Duke of Berwick (son of +James II.): that nobleman appears to have been amiable in private life, +and his attachment to Hamilton was steady and sincere. The Duchess of +Berwick was also his friend. It is necessary to mention this lady +particularly, as well as her sisters: they were the daughters of Henry +Bulkeley, son to the first viscount of that name: their father had been +master of the household to Charles: their mother was Lady Sophia Stewart, +sister to the beautiful Duchess of Richmond, so conspicuous in the +Grammont Memoirs. The sisters of the Duchess of Berwick were Charlotte, +married to Lord Clare, Henrietta, and Laura. They all occupy a +considerable space in Hamilton's correspondence, and the two last are the +ladies so often addressed as the Mademoiselles B.; they are almost the +constant subjects of Hamilton's verses; and it is recorded that he was a +particular admirer of Henrietta Bulkeley; but their union would have been +that of hunger and thirst, for both were very poor and very illustrious: +their junction would, of course, have militated against every rule of +common prudence. To the influence of this lady, particularly, we are +indebted for one or two of Hamilton's agreeable novels: she had taste +enough to laugh at the extravagant stories then so much in fashion, "plus +arabes qu'en Arabie," + + [They were wretched imitations of some of the Persian and Arabian + tales, in which everything was distorted, and rendered absurd and + preposterous.] + +as Hamilton says; and he, in compliance with her taste, and his own, soon +put the fashionable tales to flight, by the publication of the 'Quatre +Facardins', and, more especially, 'La Fleur d'Epine'. Some of the +introductory verses to these productions are written with peculiar ease +and grace; and are highly extolled, and even imitated, by Voltaire. La +Harpe praises the Fleur d'Epine, as the work of an original genius: I do +not think, however, that they are much relished in England, probably +because very ill translated. Another of his literary productions was the +novel called Le Belier, which he wrote on the following occasion: Louis +XIV. had presented to the Countess of Grammont (whom he highly esteemed) +a remarkably elegant small country house in the park of Versailles: this +house became so fashionable a resort, and brought such constant visitors, +that the Count de Grammont said, in his usual way, he would present the +king with a list of all the persons he was obliged to entertain there, as +more suited to his Majesty's purse than his own: the countess wished to +change the name of the place from the vulgar appellation of Le Moulineau +into that of Pentalie: and Hamilton, in his novel, wrote a history of a +giant, an enchantment, and a princess, to commemorate her resolution. +It has however happened that the giant Moulineau has had the advantage in +the course of time; for the estate, which is situated near Meudon, upon +the Seine, retains its original and popular designation. + +About the year 1704, Hamilton turned his attention to collecting the +memoirs of his brother-in-law, the Count de Grammont, as we may +conjecture, from the epistle beginning "Honneur des rives eloignees" +being written towards the close of the above year: it is dated, or +supposed to be so, from the banks of the Garonne. Among other authors +whom Hamilton at first proposes to Grammont, as capable of writing his +life (though, on reflection, he thinks them not suited to it), +is Boileau, whose genius he professes to admire; but adds that his muse +has somewhat of malignity; and that such a muse might caress with one +hand and satirize him with the other. This letter was sent by Hamilton +to Boileau, who answered him with great politeness; but, at the same time +that he highly extolled the epistle to Grammont, he, very naturally, +seemed anxious to efface any impression which such a representation of +his satiric vein might make on the Count's mind, and accordingly added a +few complimentary verses to him: this letter is dated, Paris, 8th +February, 1705. About the same time, another letter was written to +Hamilton on the subject of the Epistle to Grammont, by La Chapelle, who +also seemed desirous that his life should be given to the public, but was +much perplexed which of the most celebrated ancients to compare the count +to. Mecaenas first presented himself to his imagination: absurdly +enough, in my opinion; for there was not a trace of similitude between +the two characters. This, however, afforded him some opportunity, as he +thought, of discovering a resemblance between Horace and Hamilton, in +which he equally failed. Petronius is then brought forward, as affording +some comparison to the Count;--a man of pleasure, giving up the day to +sleep, and the night to entertainment; but then, adds La Chapelle, it +will be suggested that, such is the perpetual activity of the Count of +Grammont's mind, he may be said to sleep neither night nor day; and if +Petronius died, the Count seems determined never to die at all. (He was +at this time about eighty-five years of age.) It may well be supposed +that all this, though now perfectly vapid and uninteresting, was +extremely flattering to Grammont; and the result was, that he very much +wished to have his life, or part of it, at least, given to the public. +Hamilton, who had been so long connected with him, and with whose +agreeable talents he was now so familiarized, was, on every account, +singled out by him as the person who could best introduce him +historically to the public. It is ridiculous to mention Grammont as the +author of his own Memoirs: his excellence, as a man of wit, was entirely +limited to conversation. Bussy Rabutin, who knew him perfectly, states +that he wrote almost worse than any one. If this was said, and very +truly, of him in his early days, it can hardly be imagined that he would, +when between eighty and ninety years of age, commence a regular, and, +in point of style, most finished composition. Besides, independent of +everything else, what man would so outrage all decorum as to call himself +the admiration of the age? for so is Grammont extolled in the Memoirs, +with a variety of other encomiastic expressions; although, perhaps, such +vanity has not been without example. Hamilton, it is true, says that he +acts as Grammont's secretary, and only holds the pen, whilst the Count +dictates to him such particulars of his life as were the most singular, +and least known. This is said with great modesty, and, as to part of the +work, perhaps with great truth: it requires, however, some explanation. +Grammont was more than twenty years older than Hamilton; consequently, +the earlier part of his life could only have been known, or was best +known, to the latter from repeated conversations, and the long intimacy +which subsisted between them. Whether Grammont formally dictated the +events of his younger days, or not, is of little consequence from his +general character, it is probable that he did not. However, the whole +account of such adventures as he was engaged in, from his leaving home to +his interview with Cardinal Mazarin (excepting the character of Monsieur +de Senantes, and Matta, who was well known to Hamilton), the relation of +the siege of Lerida, the description of Gregorio Brice, and the +inimitable discovery of his own magnificent suit of clothes on the +ridiculous bridegroom at Abbeville; all such particulars must have been +again and again repeated to Hamilton by Grammont, and may therefore be +fairly grounded on the count's authority. The characters of the court of +Charles II., and its history, are to be ascribed to Hamilton: from his +residence, at various times, in the court of London, his connection with +the Ormond family, not to mention others, he must have been well +acquainted with them. Lady Chesterfield, who may be regarded almost as +the heroine of the work, was his cousin-german. + + [She was born at the castle of Kilkenny, July, 1640, as appears from + Carte's life of her father, the Duke of Ormond.] + +But, although the history altogether was written by Hamilton, it may +not perhaps be known to every reader that Grammont himself sold the +manuscript for fifteen hundred livres; and when it was brought to +Fontenelle, then censor of the press, he refused to license it, from +respect to the character of the Count, which, he thought, was represented +as that of a gambler, and an unprincipled one too. In fact, Grammont, +like many an old gentleman, seems to have recollected the gaieties of his +youth with more complaisance than was necessary, and has drawn them in +pretty strong colours in that part of the work which is more particularly +his own. He laughed at poor Fontenelle's scruples, and complained to the +chancellor, who forced the censor to acquiesce: the license was granted, +and the Count put the whole of the money, or the best part of it, in his +pocket, though he acknowledged the work to be Hamilton's. This is +exactly correspondent to his general character: when money was his +object, he had little, or rather no delicacy. + +The History of Grammont may be considered as unique there is nothing like +it in any language. For drollery, knowledge of the world, various +satire, general utility, united with great vivacity of composition, Gil +Blas is unrivalled: but, as a merely agreeable book, the Memoirs of +Grammont perhaps deserve that character more than any which was ever +written: it is pleasantry throughout, pleasantry of the best sort, +unforced, graceful, and engaging. Some French critic has justly +observed, that, if any book were to be selected as affording the truest +specimen of perfect French gaiety, the Memoirs of Grammont would be +selected in preference to all others. This has a Frenchman said of the +work of a foreigner: but that foreigner possessed much genius, had lived +from his youth, not only in the best society of France, but with the most +singular and agreeable man that France could produce. Still, however, +though Grammont and Hamilton were of dispositions very different, the +latter must have possessed talents peculiarly brilliant, and admirably +adapted to coincide with, and display those of his brother-in-law to the +utmost advantage. Gibbon extols the "ease and purity of Hamilton's +inimitable style;" and in this he is supported by Voltaire, although he +adds the censure, that the Grammont Memoirs are, in point of materials, +the most trifling; he might also in truth have said, the most improper. +The manners of the court of Charles II. were, to the utmost, profligate +and abandoned: yet in what colours have they been drawn by Hamilton? The +elegance of his pencil has rendered them more seductive and dangerous, +than if it had more faithfully copied the originals. From such a mingled +mass of grossness of language, and of conduct, one would have turned away +with disgust and abhorrence; but Hamilton was, to use the words of his +admirer, Lord Orford, "superior to the indelicacy of the court," whose +vices he has so agreeably depicted; and that superiority has sheltered +such vices from more than half the oblivion which would now have for ever +concealed them. + +The Count de Grammont died in 1707. Some years after the publication of +his Memoirs, Hamilton was engaged in a very different work: he +translated Pope's Essay on Criticism into French, and, as it should seem, +so much to that great poet's satisfaction, that he wrote a very polite +letter of thanks to him, which is inserted in Pope's Correspondence. +Hamilton's Essay was, I believe, never printed, though Pope warmly +requested to have that permission: the reign of Louis XIV. had now +ceased; and, for several years before his death, the character of the old +court of that prince had ceased also: profligacy and gaiety had given way +to devotion and austerity. Of Hamilton's friends and literary +acquaintance few were left: the Duke of Berwick was employed in the +field, or at Versailles: some of the ladies, however, continued at St. +Germain; and in their society, particularly that of his niece, the +Countess of Stafford (in whose name he carried on a lively correspondence +with Lady Mary Wortley Montague), he passed much of his time. He +occasionally indulged in poetical compositions, of a style suited to his +age and character; and when he was past seventy, he wrote that excellent +copy of verses, 'Sur l' Usage de la Vie dans la Vieillesse'; which, for +grace of style, justness, and purity of sentiment, does honour to his +memory. + +Hamilton died at St. Germain, in April, 1720, aged about seventy-four. +His death was pious and resigned. From his poem, entitled Reflections, +he appears, like some other authors, to have turned his mind, in old age, +entirely to those objects of sacred regard, which, sooner or later, must +engage the attention of every rational mind. To poetry he bids an +eternal adieu, in language which breathes no diminution of genius, +at the moment that he for ever recedes from the poetical character. +But he aspired to a better. + +Whatever were Hamilton's errors, his general character was respectable. +He has been represented as grave, and even dull, in society; the very +reverse, in short, of what he appears in his Memoirs: but this is +probably exaggerated. Unquestionably, he had not the unequalled vivacity +of the Count de Grammont in conversation; as Grammont was, on the other +hand, inferior, in all respects, to Hamilton when the pen was in his +hand; the latter was, however, though reserved in a large society, +particularly agreeable in a more select one. Some of his letters +remain, in which he alludes to his want of that facility at impromptu +which gave such brilliancy to the conversation of some of his brother +wits and contemporaries. But, while we admit the truth of this, let it +be remembered, at the same time, that when he wrote this, he was by no +means young; that he criticised his own defects with severity; that he +was poor, and living in a court which itself subsisted on the alms of +another. Amidst such circumstances, extemporary gaiety cannot always be +found. I can suppose, that the Duchess of Maine, who laid claim to the +character of a patroness of wit, and, like many who assert such claims, +was very troublesome, very self-sufficient, and very 'exigeante', might +not always have found that general superiority, or even transient lustre, +which she expected in Hamilton's society: yet, considering the great +difference of their age and situation, this circumstance will not greatly +impeach his talents for conversation. But the work of real genius must +for ever remain; and of Hamilton's genius, the Grammont Memoirs will +always continue a beauteous and graceful monument. To that monument may +also be added, the candour, integrity, and unassuming virtues of the +amiable author. + + + + + CHAPTER FIRST. + + INTRODUCTION + + +As those who read only for amusement are, in my opinion, more worthy of +attention than those who open a book merely to find fault, to the former +I address myself, and for their entertainment commit the following pages +to press, without being in the least concerned about the severe +criticisms of the latter. I further declare, that the order of time +and disposition of the facts, which give more trouble to the writer than +pleasure to the reader, shall not much embarrass me in these Memoirs. +It being my design to convey a just idea of my hero, those circumstances +which most tend to illustrate and distinguish his character shall find +a place in these fragments just as they present themselves to my +imagination, without paying any particular attention to their +arrangement. For, after all, what does it signify where the portrait is +begun, provided the assemblage of the parts forms a whole which perfectly +expresses the original? The celebrated Plutarch, who treats his heroes +as he does his readers, commences the life of the one just as he thinks +fit, and diverts the attention of the other with digressions into +antiquity, or agreeable passages of literature, which frequently have +no reference to the subject; for instance, he tells us that Demetrius +Poliorcetes was far from being so tall as his father, Antigonus; and +afterwards, that his reputed father, Antigonus, was only his uncle; but +this is not until he has begun his life with a short account of his +death, his various exploits, his good and bad qualities; and at last, +out of compassion to his failings, brings forward a comparison between +him and the unfortunate Mark Antony. + +What I have said upon this subject is not meant to reflect upon this +historian, to whom, of all the ancients, we are most obliged; it is only +intended to authorize the manner in which I have treated a life far more +extraordinary than any of those he has transmitted to us. It is my part +to describe a man whose inimitable character casts a veil over those +faults which I shall neither palliate nor disguise; a man distinguished +by a mixture of virtues and vices so closely linked together as in +appearance to form a necessary dependence, glowing with the greatest +beauty when united, shining with the brightest lustre when opposed. + +It is this indefinable brilliancy, which, in war, in love, in gaming, and +in the various stages of a long life, has rendered the Count de Grammont +the admiration of his age, and the delight of every country wherein +he has displayed his engaging wit, dispensed his generosity and +magnificence, or practised his inconstancy: it is owing to this that the +sallies of a sprightly imagination have produced those admirable bons- +mots which have been with universal applause transmitted to posterity. +It is owing to this that he preserved his judgment free and unembarrassed +in the most trying situations, and enjoyed an uncommon presence of mind +and facetiousness of temper in the most imminent dangers of war. I shall +not attempt to draw his portrait: his person has been described by Bussi +and St. Evremond, authors more entertaining than faithful. + + [Voltaire, in the age of Louis XIV., ch. 24, speaking of that + monarch, says, "even at the same time when he began to encourage + genius by his liberality, the Count de Bussi was severely punished + for the use be made of his: he was sent to the Bastile in 1664. + 'The Amours of the Gauls' was the pretence of his imprisonment; but + the true cause was the song in which the king was treated with too + much freedom, and which, upon this occasion, was brought to + remembrance to ruin Bussi, the reputed author of it. + + Que Deodatus est heureux, + De baiser ce bec amoureux, + Qui d'une oreille a l'autre va! + + See Deodatus with his billing dear, + Whose amorous mouth breathes love from ear to ear! + + "His works were not good enough to compensate for the mischief they + did him. He spoke his own language with purity: he had some merit, + but more conceit: and he made no use of the merit he had, but to + make himself enemies." Voltaire adds, "Bussi was released at the + end of eighteen months; but he was in disgrace all the rest of his + life, in vain protesting a regard for Louis XIV." Bussi died 1693. + Of St. Evremond, see note, postea.] + +The former has represented the Chevalier Grammont as artful, fickle, and +even somewhat treacherous in his amours, and indefatigable and cruel in +his jealousies. St. Evremond has used other colours to express the +genius and describe the general manners of the Count; whilst both, in +their different pictures, have done greater honour to themselves than +justice to their hero. + +It is, therefore, to the Count we must listen, in the agreeable relation +of the sieges and battles wherein he distinguished himself under another +hero; and it is on him we must rely for the truth of passages the least +glorious of his life, and for the sincerity with which he relates his +address, vivacity, frauds, and the various stratagems he practised either +in love or gaming. These express his true character, and to himself we +owe these memoirs, since I only hold the pen, while he directs it to the +most remarkable and secret passages of his life. + + + + + CHAPTER SECOND. + + ARRIVAL OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT AT THE SIEGE OF TRINO, + AND THE LIFE HE LED THERE. + + +In those days affairs were not managed in France as at present. Louis +XIII.--[Son and successor of Henry IV. He began to reign 14th May, 1610, +and died 14th May, 1643.]--then sat upon the throne, but the Cardinal de +Richelieu, governed the kingdom; + + [Of this great minister Mr. Hume gives the following character:-- + "Undaunted, Undaunted and implacable, prudent and active, he braved + all the opposition of the French princes and nobles in the + prosecution of his vengeance; he discovered and dissipated all their + secret cabals and conspiracies. His sovereign himself he held in + subjection, while he exalted the throne. The people, while they + lost their liberties, acquired, by means of his administration, + learning, order, discipline, and renown."] + +great men commanded little armies, and little armies did great things; +the fortune of great men depended solely upon ministerial favour, and +blind devotion to the will of the minister was the only sure method of +advancement. Vast designs were then laying in the heart of neighbouring +states the foundation of that formidable greatness to which France has +now risen: the police was somewhat neglected; the highways were +impassable by day, and the streets by night; but robberies were committed +elsewhere with greater impunity. Young men, on their first entrance into +the world, took what course they thought proper. Whoever would, was a +chevalier, and whoever could, an abbe: I mean a beneficed abbe: dress +made no distinction between them; and I believe the Chevalier Grammont +was both the one and the other at the siege of Trino.--[Trino was taken +4th May, 1639.]--This was his first campaign, and here he displayed those +attractive graces which so favourably prepossess, and require neither +friends nor recommendations in any company to procure a favourable +reception. The siege was already formed when he arrived, which saved him +some needless risks; for a volunteer cannot rest at ease until he has +stood the first fire: he went therefore to reconnoitre the generals, +having no occasion to reconnoitre the place. Prince Thomas commanded the +army; and as the post of lieutenant-general was not then known, Du +Plessis Pralin and the famous Viscount Turenne were his majors general. +Fortified places were treated with some respect, before a power which +nothing can withstand had found means to destroy them by dreadful showers +of bombs, and by destructive batteries of hundreds of pieces of cannon. +Before these furious storms which drive governors underground and reduce +their garrisons to powder, repeated sallies bravely repulsed, and +vigorous attacks nobly sustained, signalized both the art of the +besiegers and the courage of the besieged; consequently, sieges were of +some length, and young men had an opportunity of gaining some knowledge. +Many brave actions were performed on each side during the siege of Trino; +a great deal of fatigue was endured, and considerable losses sustained; +but fatigue was no more considered, hardships were no more felt in the +trenches, gravity was at an end with the generals, and the troops were no +longer dispirited after the arrival of the Chevalier Grammont. Pleasure +was his pursuit, and he made it universal. + +Among the officers in the army, as in all other places, there are men of +real merit, or pretenders to it. The latter endeavoured to imitate the +Chevalier Grammont in his most shining qualities, but without success; +the former admired his talents and courted his friendship. Of this +number was Matta: + + [Matta, or Matha, of whom Hamilton has drawn so striking a picture, + is said to have been of the house of Bourdeille, which had the + honour to produce Brautome and Montresor. The combination of + indolence and talent, of wit and simplicity, of bluntness and irony, + with which he is represented, may have been derived from tradition, + but could only have been united into the inimitable whole by the pen + of Hamilton. Several of his bons-mots have been preserved; but the + spirit evaporates in translation. "Where could I get this nose," + said Madame D'Albret, observing a slight tendency to a flush in that + feature. "At the side board, Madame," answered Matta. When the + same lady, in despair at her brother's death, refused all + nourishment, Matta administered this blunt consolation: "If you are + resolved, madame, never again to swallow food, you do well; but if + ever you mean to eat upon any future occasion, believe me, you may + as well begin just now." Madame Caylus, in her Souvenirs, + commemorates the simple and natural humour of Matta as rendering him + the most delightful society in the world. Mademoiselle, in her + Memoirs, alludes to his pleasantry in conversation, and turn for + deep gaming. When the Memoirs of Grammont were subjected to the + examination of Fontenelle, then censor of the Parisian press, he + refused to license them, or account of the scandalous conduct + imputed to Grammont in this party at quinze. The count no sooner + heard of this than he hastened to Fontenelle, and having joked him + for being more tender of his reputation than he was himself, the + license was instantly issued. The censor might have retorted upon + Grammont the answer which the count made to a widow who received + coldly his compliments of condolence on her husband's death: "Nay, + madame, if that is the way you take it, I care as little about it as + you do." He died in 1674. "Matta est mort sans confession," says + Madame Maintenon, in a letter to her brother. Tome I., p. 67.] + +He was agreeable in his person, but still more by the natural turn of his +wit; he was plain and simple in his manners, but endued with a quick +discernment and refined delicacy, and full of candour and integrity in +all his actions. The Chevalier Grammont was not long in discovering his +amiable qualities; an acquaintance was soon formed, and was succeeded by +the strictest intimacy. + +Matta insisted that the Chevalier should take up his quarters with him; +to which he only consented on condition of equally contributing to the +expense. As they were both liberal and magnificent, at their common cost +they gave the best designed and most luxurious entertainments that had +ever yet been seen. Play was wonderfully productive at first, and the +Chevalier restored by a hundred different ways that which he obtained +only by one. The generals, being entertained by turns, admired their +magnificence, and were dissatisfied with their own officers for not +keeping such good tables and attendance. The Chevalier had the talent +of setting off the most indifferent things to advantage; and his wit was +so generally acknowledged, that it was a kind of disgrace not to submit +to his taste. To him Matta resigned the care of furnishing the table and +doing its honours; and, charmed with the general applause, persuaded +himself that nothing could be more honourable than their way of living, +and nothing more easy than to continue it; but he soon perceived that the +greatest prosperity is not the most lasting. Good living, bad economy, +dishonest servants, and ill-luck, all uniting together to disconcert +their housekeeping, their table was going to be gradually laid aside, +when the Chevalier's genius, fertile in resources, undertook to support +his former credit by the following expedient. + +They had never yet conferred about the state of their finances, although +the steward had acquainted each, separately, that he must either receive +money to continue the expenses, or give in his accounts. One day, when +the Chevalier came home sooner than usual, he found Matta fast asleep in +an easy chair, and, being unwilling to disturb his rest, he began musing +on his project. Matta awoke without his perceiving it; and having, for a +short time, observed the deep contemplation he seemed involved in, and +the profound silence between two persons who had never held their tongues +for a moment when together before, he broke it by a sudden fit of +laughter, which increased in proportion as the other stared at him. +"A merry way of waking, and ludicrous enough," said the Chevalier; +"what is the matter, and whom do you laugh at!" "Faith, Chevalier," said +Matta, "I am laughing at a dream I had just now, which is so natural and +diverting, that I must make you laugh at it also. I was dreaming that we +had dismissed our maitre-d'hotel, our cook, and our confectioner, having +resolved, for the remainder of the campaign, to live upon others as +others have lived upon us: this was my dream. Now tell me, Chevalier, +on what were you musing?" "Poor fellow!" said the Chevalier, shrugging +up his shoulders, "you are knocked down at once, and thrown into the +utmost consternation and despair at some silly stories which the maitre- +d'hotel has been telling you as well as me. What! after the figure we +have made in the face of the nobility and foreigners in the army, shall +we give it up, and like fools and beggars sneak off, upon the first +failure of our money! Have you no sentiments of honour? Where is the +dignity of France?" "And where is the money?" said Matta; "for my men +say, the devil may take them, if there be ten crowns in the house, and I +believe you have not much more, for it is above a week since I have seen +you pull out your purse, or count your money, an amusement you were very +fond of in prosperity." "I own all this," said the Chevalier, "but yet +I will force you to confess, that you are but a mean-spirited fellow upon +this occasion. What would have become of you if you had been reduced to +the situation I was in at Lyons, four days before I arrived here? I will +tell you the story." + + + + + CHAPTER THIRD. + + EDUCATION AND ADVENTURES OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT + BEFORE HIS COMING TO THE SIEGE OF TRINO. + + +"This," said Matta, "smells strongly of romance, except that it should +have been your squire's part to tell your adventures." + +"True," said the Chevalier; "however, I may acquaint you with my first +exploits without offending my modesty; besides, my squire's style borders +too much upon the burlesque for an heroic narrative. + +"You must know, then, that upon my arrival at Lyons--" + +"Is it thus you begin?" said Matta. "Pray give us your history a little +further back. The most minute particulars of a life like yours are +worthy of relation; but above all, the manner in which you first paid +your respects to Cardinal Richelieu: I have often laughed at it. +However, you may pass over the unlucky pranks of your infancy, your +genealogy, name and quality of your ancestors, for that is a subject +with which you must be utterly unacquainted." + +"Pooh !" said the Chevalier; "you think that all the world is as +ignorant as yourself; you think that I am a stranger to the Mendores and +the Corisandes. So, perhaps I don't know that it was my father's own +fault that he was not the son of Henry IV. The king would by all means +have acknowledged him for his son, but the traitor would never consent +to it. See what the Grammonts would have been now, but for this cross- +grained fellow! They would have had precedence of the Caesars de +Vendome. You may laugh if you like, yet it is as true as the gospel: +but let us come to the point. + +"I was sent to the college of Pau, with the intention of being brought +up to the church; but as I had quite different views, I made no manner +of improvement: gaming was so much in my head, that both my tutor and the +master lost their labour in endeavouring to teach me Latin. Old Brinon, +who served me both as valet-de-chambre and governor, in vain threatened +to acquaint my mother. I only studied when I pleased, that is to say, +seldom or never: however, they treated me as is customary with scholars +of my quality; I was raised to all the dignities of the forms, without +having merited them, and left college nearly in the same state in which I +entered it; nevertheless, I was thought to have more knowledge than was +requisite for the abbacy which my brother had solicited for me. He had +just married the niece of a minister, to whom every one cringed: he was +desirous to present me to him. I felt but little regret to quit the +country, and great impatience to see Paris. My brother having kept me +some time with him, in order to polish me, let me loose upon the town +to shake off my rustic air, and learn the manners of the world. I so +thoroughly gained them, that I could not be persuaded to lay them aside +when I was introduced at court in the character of an Abby. You know +what kind of dress was then the fashion. All that they could obtain of +me was to put a cassock over my other clothes, and my brother, ready to +die with laughing at my ecclesiastical habit, made others laugh too. I +had the finest head of hair in the world, well curled and powdered, above +my cassock, and below were white buskins and gilt spurs. The Cardinal, +who had a quick discernment, could not help laughing. This elevation of +sentiment gave him umbrage; and he foresaw what might be expected from a +genius that already laughed at the shaven crown and cowl. + +"When my brother had taken me home, 'Well, my little parson,' said he, +'you have acted your part to admiration, and your parti-coloured dress of +the ecclesiastic and soldier has greatly diverted the court; but this is +not all: you must now choose, my little knight. Consider then, whether, +by sticking to the church, you will possess great revenues, and have +nothing to do; or, with a small portion, you will risk the loss of a leg +or arm, and be the fructus belli of an insensible court, to arrive in +your old age at the dignity of a major-general, with a glass eye and a +wooden leg.' 'I know,' said I, 'that there is no comparison between +these two situations, with regard to the conveniences of life; but, +as a man ought to secure his future state in preference to all other +considerations, I am resolved to renounce the church for the salvation of +my soul, upon condition, however, that I keep my abbacy.' Neither the +remonstrances nor authority of my brother could induce me to change my +resolution; and he was forced to agree to this last article in order to +keep me at the academy. You know that I am the most adroit man in +France, so that I soon learned all that is taught at such places, and, +at the same time, I also learnt that which gives the finishing stroke to +a young fellow's education, and makes him a gentleman, viz. all sorts of +games, both at cards and dice; but the truth is, I thought, at first, +that I had more skill in them than I really had, as experience proved. +When my mother knew the choice I had made, she was inconsolable; for she +reckoned, that had I been a clergyman I should have been a saint; but now +she was certain that I should either be a devil in the world, or be +killed in the wars. And indeed I burned with impatience to be a soldier; +but being yet too young, I was forced to make a campaign at Bidache-- +[A principality belonging to the family of the Grammonts, in the Province +of Gascony.]--before I made one in the army. When I returned to my +mother's house, I had so much the air of a courtier and a man of the +world, that she began to respect me, instead of chiding me for my +infatuation towards the army. I became her favourite, and finding me +inflexible, she only thought of keeping me with her as long as she could, +while my little equipage was preparing. The faithful Brinon, who was to +attend me as valet-de-chambre, was likewise to discharge the office of +governor and equerry, being, perhaps, the only Gascon who was ever +possessed of so much gravity and ill-temper. He passed his word for my +good behaviour and morality, and promised my mother that he would give a +good account of my person in the dangers of the war; but I hope he will +keep his word better as to this last article than he has done as to the +former. + +"My equipage was sent away a week before me. This was so much time +gained by my mother to give me good advice. At length, after having +solemnly enjoined me to have the fear of God before my eyes, and to love +my neighbour as myself, she suffered me to depart, under the protection +of the Lord and the sage Brinon. At the second stage we quarrelled. He +had received four hundred louis d'or for the expenses of the campaign: I +wished to have the keeping of them myself, which he strenuously opposed. +'Thou old scoundrel,' said I, 'is the money thine, or was it given thee +for me? You suppose I must have a treasurer, and receive no money +without his order. I know not whether it was from a presentiment of what +afterwards happened that he grew melancholy; however, it was with the +greatest reluctance, and the most poignant anguish, that he found himself +obliged to yield. One would have thought that I had wrested his very +soul from him. I found myself more light and merry after I had eased him +of his trust; he, on the contrary, appeared so overwhelmed with grief, +that it seemed as if I had laid four hundred pounds of lead upon his +back, instead of taking away these four hundred louis. He went on so +heavily, that I was forced to whip his horse myself, and turning to me, +now and then, 'Ah! sir,' said he, my lady did not think it would be so. +'His reflections and sorrows were renewed at every stage; for, instead of +giving a shilling to the post-boy, I gave him half-a-crown. + +"Having at last reached Lyons, two soldiers stopped us at the gate of the +city, to carry us before the governor. I took one of them to conduct me +to the best inn, and delivered Brinon into the hands of the other, to +acquaint the commandant with the particulars of my journey, and my future +intentions. + +"There are as good taverns at Lyons as at Paris; but my soldier, +according to custom, carried me to a friend of his own, whose house he +extolled as having the best accommodations, and the greatest resort of +good company, in the whole town. The master of this hotel was as big as +a hogshead, his name Cerise; a Swiss by birth, a poisoner by profession, +and a thief by custom. He showed me into a tolerably neat room, and +desired to know whether I pleased to sup by myself or at the ordinary. +I chose the latter, on account of the beau monde which the soldier had +boasted of. + +"Brinon, who was quite out of temper at the many questions which the +governor had asked him, returned more surly than an old ape; and seeing +that I was dressing my hair, in order to go downstairs: 'What are you +about now, sir?' said he. 'Are you going to tramp about the town? No, +no; have we not had tramping enough ever since the morning? Eat a bit of +supper, and go to bed betimes, that you may get on horseback by day- +break.' 'Mr. Comptroller,' said I, 'I shall neither tramp about the +town, nor eat alone, nor go to bed early. I intend to sup with the +company below.' 'At the ordinary!' cried he; 'I beseech you, sir, do not +think of it! Devil take me, if there be not a dozen brawling fellows +playing at cards and dice, who make noise enough to drown the loudest +thunder!' + +"I was grown insolent since I had seized the money; and being desirous to +shake off the yoke of a governor, 'Do you know, Mr. Brinon,' said I, +'that I don't like a blockhead to set up for a reasoner? Do you go to +supper, if you please; but take care that I have post-horses ready before +daybreak.' The moment he mentioned cards and dice, I felt the money burn +in my pocket. I was somewhat surprised, however, to find the room where +the ordinary was served filled with odd-looking creatures. My host, +after presenting me to the company, assured me that there were but +eighteen or twenty of those gentlemen who would have the honour to sup +with me. I approached one of the tables where they were playing, and +thought I should have died with laughing: I expected to have seen good +company and deep play; but I only met with two Germans playing at +backgammon. Never did two country boobies play like them; but their +figures beggared all description. The fellow near whom I stood was +short, thick, and fat, and as round as a ball, with a ruff, and +prodigious high crowned hat. Any one, at a moderate distance, would have +taken him for the dome of a church, with the steeple on the top of it. +I inquired of the host who he was. 'A merchant from Basle,' said he, +'who comes hither to sell horses; but from the method he pursues, I think +he will not dispose of many; for he does nothing but play.' 'Does he +play deep?' said I. 'Not now,' said he; 'they are only playing for their +reckoning, while supper is getting ready; but he has no objection to +play as deep as any one.' 'Has he money?' said I. 'As for that,' +replied the treacherous Cerise, 'would to God you had won a thousand +pistoles of him, and I went your halves; we should not be long without +our money.' I wanted no further encouragement to meditate the ruin of +the high-crowned hat. I went nearer to him, in order to take a closer +survey; never was such a bungler; he made blots upon blots; God knows, I +began to feel some remorse at winning of such an ignoramus, who knew so +little of the game. He lost his reckoning; supper was served up; and I +desired him to sit next me. It was a long table, and there were at least +five-and-twenty in company, notwithstanding the landlord's promise. The +most execrable repast that ever was begun being finished, all the crowd +insensibly dispersed, except the little Swiss, who still kept near me, +and the landlord, who placed himself on the other side of me. They both +smoked like dragoons; and the Swiss was continually saying, in bad +French, 'I ask your pardon, sir, for my great freedom,' at the same time +blowing such whiffs of tobacco in my face as almost suffocated me. Mr. +Cerise, on the other hand, desired he might take the liberty of asking me +whether I had ever been in his country? and seemed surprised I had so +genteel an air, without having travelled in Switzerland. + +"The little chub I had to encounter was full as inquisitive as the other. +He desired to know whether I came from the army in Piedmont; and having +told him I was going thither, he asked me, whether I had a mind to buy +any horses; that he had about two hundred to dispose of, and that he +would sell them cheap. I began to be smoked like a gammon of bacon; +and being quite wearied out, both with their tobacco and their questions, +I asked my companion if he would play for a single pistole at backgammon, +while our men were supping; it was not without great ceremony that he +consented, at the same time asking my pardon for his great freedom. + +"I won the game; I gave him his revenge, and won again. We then played +double or quit; I won that too, and all in the twinkling of an eye; for +he grew vexed, and suffered himself to be taken in so that I began to +bless my stars for my good fortune. Brinon came in about the end of the +third game, to put me to bed, he made a great sign of the cross, but paid +no attention to the signs I made him to retire. I was forced to rise to +give him that order in private. He began to reprimand me for disgracing +myself by keeping company with such a low-bred wretch. It was in vain +that I told him he was a great merchant, that he had a great deal of +money, and that he played like a child. 'He a merchant,' cried Brinon. +'Do not believe that, sir! May the devil take me, if he is not some +conjurer.' 'Hold your tongue, old fool,' said I; 'he is no more a +conjurer than you are, and that is decisive; and, to prove it to you, I +am resolved to win four or five hundred pistoles of him before I go to +bed. With these words I turned him out, strictly enjoining him not to +return, or in any manner to disturb us. + +"The game being done, the little Swiss unbuttoned his pockets, to pull +out a new four-pistole piece, and presenting it to me, he asked my pardon +for his great freedom, and seemed as if he wished to retire. This was +not what I wanted. I told him we only played for amusement; that I had +no design upon his money; and that, if he pleased, I would play him a +single game for his four pistoles. He raised some objections; but +consented at last, and won back his money. I was piqued at it. I played +another game; fortune changed sides; the dice ran for him, he made no +more blots. I lost the game; another game, and double or quit; we +doubled the stake, and played double or quit again. I was vexed; he, +like a true gamester, took every bet I offered, and won all before him, +without my getting more than six points in eight or ten games. I asked +him to play a single game for one hundred pistoles; but as he saw I did +not stake, he told me it was late; that he must go and look after his +horses; and went away, still asking my pardon for his great freedom. The +cool manner of his refusal, and the politeness with which he took his +leave, provoked me to such a degree, that I could almost have killed him. +I was so confounded at losing my money so fast, even to the last pistole, +that I did not immediately consider the miserable situation to which I +was reduced. + +"I durst not go up to my chamber for fear of Brinon. By good luck, +however, he was tired with waiting for me, and had gone to bed. This was +some consolation, though but of short continuance. As soon as I was laid +down, all the fatal consequences of my adventure presented themselves to +my imagination. I could not sleep. I saw all the horrors of my +misfortune, without being able to find any remedy; in vain did I rack my +brain; it supplied me with no expedient. I feared nothing so much as +daybreak; however, it did come, and the cruel Brinon along with it. He +was booted up to the middle, and cracking a cursed whip, which he held in +his hand, 'Up, Monsieur le Chevalier,' cried he, opening the curtains; +'the horses are at the door, and you are still asleep. We ought by this +time to have ridden two stages; give me money to pay the reckoning.' +'Brinon,' said I, in a dejected tone, 'draw the curtains.' 'What!' cried +he, 'draw the curtains! Do you intend, then, to make your campaign at +Lyons? you seem to have taken a liking to the place. And for the great +merchant, you have stripped him, I suppose? No, no, Monsieur le +Chevalier, this money will never do you any good. This wretch has, +perhaps, a family; and it is his children's bread that he has been +playing with, and that you have won. Was this an object to sit up all +night for? What would my lady say, if she knew what a life you lead?' +'M. Brinon,' said I, 'pray draw the curtains.' But instead of obeying +me, one would have thought that the devil had prompted him to use the +most pointed and galling terms to a person under such misfortunes. 'And +how much have you won?' said he; 'five hundred pistoles? what must the +poor man do? + +'Recollect, Monsieur le Chevalier, what I have said, this money will never +thrive with you. It is, perhaps, but four hundred? three? two? well +if it be but one hundred louis d'or, continued he, seeing that I shook my +head at every sum which he had named, there is no great mischief done; +one hundred pistoles will not ruin him, provided you have won them +fairly.' 'Friend Brinon,' said I, fetching a deep sigh, 'draw the +curtains; I am unworthy to see daylight' Brinon was much affected at +these melancholy words, but I thought he would have fainted, when I told +him the whole adventure. He tore his hair, made grievous lamentations, +the burden of which still was, 'What will my lady say?' And, after +having exhausted his unprofitable complaints, 'What will become of you +now, Monsieur le Chevalier?' said he, 'what do you intend to do?' +'Nothing,' said I, 'for I am fit for no thing. After this, being +somewhat eased after making him my confession, I thought upon several +projects, to none of which could I gain his approbation. I would have +had him post after my equipage, to have sold some of my clothes. I was +for proposing to the horse-dealer to buy some horses of him at a high +price on credit, to sell again cheap. Brinon laughed at all these +schemes, and after having had the cruelty of keeping me upon the rack for +a long time, he at last extricated me. Parents are always stingy towards +their poor children; my mother intended to have given me five hundred +louis d'or, but she had kept back fifty, as well for some little repairs +in the abbey, as to pay for praying for me. Brinon had the charge of the +other fifty, with strict injunctions not to speak of them, unless upon +some urgent necessity. And this you see soon happened. + +"Thus you have a brief account of my first adventure. Play has hitherto +favoured me; for, since my arrival, I have had, at one time, after paying +all my expenses, fifteen hundred louis d'or. Fortune is now again become +unfavourable: we must mend her. Our cash runs low; we must, therefore, +endeavour to recruit." + +"Nothing is more easy," said Matta; "it is only to find out such another +dupe as the horse-dealer at Lyons; but now I think on it, has not the +faithful Brinon some reserve for the last extremity? Faith, the time is +now come, and we cannot do better than to make use of it!" + +"Your raillery would be very seasonable," said the Chevalier, "if you +knew how to extricate us out of this difficulty. You must certainly have +an overflow of wit, to be throwing it away upon every occasion as at +present. What the devil! will you always be bantering, without +considering what a serious situation we are reduced to. Mind what I say, +I will go tomorrow to the head-quarters, I will dine with the Count de +Cameran, and I will invite him to supper." "Where?" said Matta. +"Here," said the Chevalier. "You are mad, my poor friend," replied +Matta. "This is some such project as you formed at Lyons: you know we +have neither money nor credit; and, to re-establish our circumstances, +you intend to give a supper." + +"Stupid fellow!" said the Chevalier, "is it possible, that, so long as +we have been acquainted, you should have learned no more invention? The +Count de Cameran plays at quinze, and so do I; we want money; he has more +than he knows what to do with; I will bespeak a splendid supper, he shall +pay for it. Send your maitre-d'hotel to me, and trouble yourself no +further, except in some precautions, which it is necessary to take on +such an occasion." "What are they?" said Matta. "I will tell you," +said the Chevalier; "for I find one must explain to you things that are +as clear as noon-day." + +"You command the guards that are here, don't you? As soon as night comes +on, you shall order fifteen or twenty men, under the command of your +sergeant La Place, to be under arms, and to lay themselves flat on the +ground, between this place and the head-quarters." "What the devil!" +cried Matta, "an ambuscade? God forgive me, I believe you intend to rob +the poor Savoyard. If that be your intention, I declare I will have +nothing to say to it" "Poor devil!" said the Chevalier, "the matter is +this; it is very likely that we shall win his money. The Piedmontese, +though otherwise good fellows, are apt to be suspicious and distrustful. +He commands the horse; you know you cannot hold your tongue, and are very +likely to let slip some jest or other that may vex him. Should he take +it into his head that he is cheated, and resent it, who knows what the +consequences might be? for he is commonly attended by eight or ten +horsemen. Therefore, however he may be provoked at his loss, it is +proper to be in such a situation as not to dread his resentment" + +"Embrace me, my dear Chevalier," said Matta, holding his sides and +laughing; "embrace me, for thou art not to be matched. What a fool I was +to think, when you talked to me of taking precautions, that nothing more +was necessary than to prepare a table and cards, or perhaps to provide +some false dice! I should never have thought of supporting a man who +plays at quinze by a detachment of foot: I must, indeed, confess that you +are already a great soldier." + +The next day everything happened as the Chevalier Grammont had planned +it; the unfortunate Cameran fell into the snare. They supped in the most +agreeable manner possible Matta drank five or six bumpers to drown a few +scruples which made him somewhat uneasy. The Chevalier de Grammont shone +as usual, and almost made his guest die with laughing, whom he was soon +after to make very serious; and the good-natured Cameran ate like a man +whose affections were divided between good cheer and a love of play; that +is to say, he hurried down his victuals, that he might not lose any of +the precious time which he had devoted to quinze. + +Supper being done, the sergeant La Place posted his ambuscade, and the +Chevalier de Grammont engaged his man. The perfidy of Cerise, and the +high-crowned hat, were still fresh in remembrance, and enabled him to get +the better of a few grains of remorse, and conquer some scruples which +arose in his mind. Matta, unwilling to be a spectator of violated +hospitality, sat down in an easy chair, in order to fall asleep, while +the Chevalier was stripping the poor Count of his money. + +They only staked three or four pistoles at first, just for amusement; but +Cameran having lost three or four times, he staked high, and the game +became serious. He still lost, and became outrageous; the cards flew +about the room, and the exclamations awoke Matta. + +As his head was heavy with sleep, and hot with wine, he began to laugh +at the passion of the Piedmontese, instead of consoling him. "Faith, my +poor Count," said he, "if I were in your place, I would play no more." +"Why so?" said the other. "I don't know," said he, "but my heart tells +me that your ill-luck will continue." "I will try that," said Cameran, +calling for fresh cards. "Do so," said Matta, and fell asleep again. +It was but for a short time. All cards were equally unfortunate for +the loser. He held none but tens or court-cards; and if by chance he had +quinze, he was sure to be the younger hand, and therefore lost it. Again +he stormed. "Did not I tell you so?" said Matta, starting out of his +sleep. "All your storming is in vain; as long as you play you will lose. +Believe me, the shortest follies are the best. Leave off, for the devil +take me if it is possible for you to win." "Why?" said Cameran, who +began to be impatient. "Do you wish to know?" said Matta; "why, faith, +it is because we are cheating you." + +The Chevalier de Grammont was provoked at so ill-timed a jest, more +especially as it carried along with it some appearance of truth. "Mr. +Matta," said he, "do you think it can be very agreeable for a man who +plays with such ill-luck as the Count to be pestered with your insipid +jests? For my part, I am so weary of the game, that I would desist +immediately, if he was not so great a loser." Nothing is more dreaded by +a losing gamester, than such a threat; and the Count, in a softened tone, +told the Chevalier that Mr. Matta might say what he pleased, if he did +not offend him; that, as to himself, it did not give him the smallest +uneasiness. + +The Chevalier de Grammont gave the Count far better treatment than he +himself had experienced from the Swiss at Lyons; for he played upon +credit as long as he pleased; which Cameran took so kindly, that he lost +fifteen hundred pistoles, and paid them the next morning. As for Matta, +he was severely reprimanded for the intemperance of his tongue. All the +reason he gave for his conduct was, that he made it a point of conscience +not to suffer the poor Savoyard to be cheated without informing him of +it. "Besides," said he, "it would have given me pleasure to have seen my +infantry engaged with his horse, if he had been inclined to mischief." + +This adventure having recruited their finances, fortune favoured them the +remainder of the campaign, and the Chevalier de Grammont, to prove that +he had only seized upon the Count's effects by way of reprisal, and to +indemnify himself for the losses he had sustained at Lyons, began from +this time to make the same use of his money, that he has been known to +do since upon all occasions. He found out the distressed, in order to +relieve them; officers who had lost their equipage in the war, or their +money at play; soldiers who were disabled in the trenches; in short, +every one felt the influence of his benevolence: but his manner of +conferring a favour exceeded even the favour itself. + +Every man possessed of such amiable qualities must meet with success in +all his undertakings. The soldiers knew his person, and adored him. The +generals were sure to meet him in every scene of action, and sought his +company at other times. As soon as fortune declared for him, his first +care was to make restitution, by desiring Cameran to go his halves in all +parties where the odds were in his favour. + +An inexhaustible fund of vivacity and good humour gave a certain air of +novelty to whatever he either said or did. I know not on what occasion +it was that Monsieur de Turenne towards the end of the siege, commanded a +separate body. The Chevalier de Grammont went to visit him at his new +quarters, where he found fifteen or twenty officers. M. de Turenne was +naturally fond of merriment, and the Chevalier's presence was sure to +inspire it. He was much pleased with this visit, and, by way of +acknowledgment, would have engaged him to play. The Chevalier de +Grammont, in returning him thanks, said, that he had learned from his +tutor, that when a man went to see his friends, it was neither prudent to +leave his own money behind him, nor civil to carry off theirs. "Truly," +said Monsieur de Turenne, "you will find neither deep play nor much money +among us; but, that it may not be said that we suffered you to depart +without playing, let us stake every one a horse." + +The Chevalier de Grammont agreed. Fortune, who had followed him to a +place where he did not think he should have any need of her, made him win +fifteen or sixteen horses, by way of joke; but, seeing some countenances +disconcerted at the loss, "Gentlemen," said he, "I should be sorry to see +you return on foot from your general's quarters; it will be enough for me +if you send me your horses to-morrow, except one, which I give for the +cards." + +The valet-de-chambre thought he was bantering. "I speak seriously," said +the Chevalier, "I give you a horse for the cards; and, what is more, take +whichever you please, except my own." "Truly," said Monsieur de Turenne, +"I am vastly pleased with the novelty of the thing; for I don't believe +that a horse was ever before given for the cards." + + +Trino surrendered at last. The Baron de Batteville, who had defended it +valiantly, and for a long time, obtained a capitulation worthy of such a +resistance. + + [This officer appears to have been the same person who was + afterwards ambassador from Spain to the court of Great Britain, + where, in the summer of 1660, he offended the French court, by + claiming precedence of their ambassador, Count d'Estrades, on the + public entry of the Swedish ambassador into London. On this + occasion the court of France compelled its rival of Spain to submit + to the mortifying circumstance of acknowledging the French + superiority. To commemorate this important victory, Louis XIV. + caused a medal to be struck, representing the Spanish ambassador, + the Marquis de Fuente, making the declaration to that king, "No + concurrer con los ambassadores des de Francia," with this + inscription, "Jus praecedendi assertum," and under it, "Hispaniorum + excusatio coram xxx legatis principum, 1662." A very curious + account of the fray occasioned by this dispute, drawn up by Evelyn, + is to be seen in that gentleman's article in the Biographia + Britannica.] + +I do not know whether the Chevalier de Grammont had any share in the +capture of this place; but I know very well, that during a more glorious +reign, and with armies ever victorious, his intrepidity and address have +been the cause of taking others since, even under the eye of his master, +as we shall see in the sequel of these memoirs. + + + + +ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS: + +Resolved to renounce the church for the salvation of my soul +The shortest follies are the best +There are men of real merit, or pretenders to it +Those who open a book merely to find fault + + + + + + + MEMOIRS OF COUNT GRAMMONT, VOLUME 2. + + By Anthony Hamilton + + EDITED, WITH NOTES, BY SIR WALTER SCOTT + + + + + CHAPTER FOURTH. + + HIS ARRIVAL AT THE COURT OF TURIN, + AND HOW HE SPENT HIS TIME THERE. + + +Military glory is at most but one half of the accomplishments which +distinguish heroes. Love must give the finishing stroke, and adorn their +character by the difficulties they encounter, the temerity of their +enterprises, and finally, by the lustre of success. We have examples of +this, not only in romances, but also in the genuine histories of the most +famous warriors and the most celebrated conquerors. + +The Chevalier de Grammont and Matta, who did not think much of these +examples, were, however, of opinion, that it would be very agreeable to +refresh themselves after the fatigues of the siege of Trino, by forming +some other sieges, at the expense of the beauties and the husbands of +Turin. As the campaign had finished early, they thought they should have +time to perform some exploits before the bad weather obliged them to +repass the mountains. + +They sallied forth, therefore, not unlike Amadis de Gaul or Don Galaor +after they had been dubbed knights, eager in their search after +adventures in love, war and enchantments. They were greatly superior to +those two brothers, who only knew how to cleave in twain giants, to break +lances, and to carry off fair damsels behind them on horseback, without +saying a single word to them; whereas our heroes were adepts at cards and +dice, of which the others were totally ignorant. + +They went to Turin, met with an agreeable reception, and were greatly +distinguished at court. Could it be otherwise? They were young and +handsome; they had wit at command, and spent their money liberally. In +what country will not a man succeed, possessing such advantages? As +Turin was at that time the seat of gallantry and of love, two strangers +of this description, who were always cheerful, brisk and lively, could +not fail to please the ladies of the court. + +Though the men of Turin were extremely handsome, they were not, however, +possessed of the art of pleasing. They treated their wives with respect, +and were courteous to strangers. Their wives, still more handsome, were +full as courteous to strangers, and less respectful to their husbands. + +Madame Royale, a worthy daughter of Henry IV., rendered her little court +the most agreeable in the world. She inherited such of her father's +virtues as compose the proper ornament of her sex; and with regard to +what are termed the foibles of great souls, her highness had in no wise +degenerated. + +The Count de Tanes was her prime minister. It was not difficult to +conduct affairs of state during his administration. No complaints were +alleged against him; and the princess, satisfied with his conduct +herself, was, above all, glad to have her choice approved by her whole +court, where people lived nearly according to the manners and customs of +ancient chivalry. + +The ladies had each a professed lover, for fashion's sake, besides +volunteers, whose numbers were unlimited. The declared admirers wore +their mistresses' liveries, their arms, and sometimes even took their +names. Their office was, never to quit them in public, and never to +approach them in private; to be their squires upon all occasions, and, +in jousts and tournaments, to adorn their lances, their housings, and +their coats, with the cyphers and the colours of their dulcineas. + +Matta was far from being averse to gallantry; but would have liked it +more simple than as it was practised at Turin. The ordinary forms would +not have disgusted him; but he found here a sort of superstition in the +ceremonies and worship of love, which he thought very inconsistent: +however, as he had submitted his conduct in that matter to the direction +of the Chevalier de Grammont, he was obliged to follow his example, and +to conform to the customs of the country. + +They enlisted themselves at the same time in the service of two beauties, +whose former squires gave them up immediately from motives of politeness. +The Chevalier de Grammont chose Mademoiselle de Saint-Germain, and told +Matta to offer his services to Madame de Senantes. Matta consented, +though he liked the other better; but the Chevalier de Grammont persuaded +him that Madame de Senantes was more suitable for him. As he had reaped +advantage from the Chevalier's talents in the first projects they had +formed, he resolved to follow his instructions in love, as he had done +his advice in play. + +Mademoiselle de Saint-Germain was in the bloom of youth; her eyes were +small, but very bright and sparkling, and, like her hair, were black; her +complexion was lively and clear, though not fair: she, had an agreeable +mouth, two fine rows of teeth, a neck as handsome as one could wish, and +a most delightful shape; she had a particular elegance in her elbows, +which, however, she did not show to advantage; her hands were rather +large and not very white; her feet, though not of the smallest, were well +shaped; she trusted to Providence, and used no art to set off those +graces which she had received from nature; but, notwithstanding her +negligence in the embellishment of her charms, there was something so +lively in her person, that the Chevalier de Grammont was caught at first +sight; her wit and humour corresponded with her other qualities, being +quite easy and perfectly charming; she was all mirth, all life, all +complaisance and politeness, and all was natural, and always the same +without any variation. + +The Marchioness de Senantes was esteemed fair, and she might have +enjoyed, if she had pleased, the reputation of having red hair, had she +not rather chosen to conform to the taste of the age in which she lived +than to follow that of the ancients: she had all the advantages of red +hair without any of the inconveniences; a constant attention to her +person served as a corrective to the natural defects of her complexion. +After all, what does it signify, whether cleanliness be owing to nature +or to art? it argues an invidious temper to be very inquisitive about +it. She had a great deal of wit, a good memory, more reading, and a +still greater inclination towards tenderness. + +She had a husband whom it would have been criminal even in chastity to +spare. He piqued himself upon being a Stoic, and gloried in being +slovenly and disgusting in honour of his profession. In this he +succeeded to admiration; for he was very fat, so that he perspired almost +as much in winter as in summer. Erudition and brutality seemed to be the +most conspicuous features of his character, and were displayed in his +conversation, sometimes together, sometimes alternately, but always +disagreeably: he was not jealous, and yet he was troublesome; he was very +well pleased to see attentions paid to his wife, provided more were paid +to him. + +As soon as our adventurers had declared themselves, the Chevalier de +Grammont arrayed himself in green habiliments, and dressed Matta in blue, +these being the favourite colours of their new mistresses. They entered +immediately upon duty: the Chevalier learned and practised all the +ceremonies of this species of gallantry, as if he always had been +accustomed to them; but Matta commonly forgot one half, and was not over +perfect in practising the other. He never could remember that his office +was to promote the glory, and not the interest, of his mistress. + +The Duchess of Savoy gave the very next day an entertainment at La +Venerie, where all the ladies were invited. + +The Chevalier was so agreeable and diverting, that he made his mistress +almost die with laughing. Matta, in leading his lady to the coach, +squeezed her hand, and at their return from the promenade he begged +of her to pity his sufferings. Thus was proceeding rather too +precipitately, and although Madame de Senantes was not destitute of the +natural compassion of her sex, she nevertheless was shocked at the +familiarity of this treatment; she thought herself obliged to show some +degree of resentment, and pulling away her hand, which he had pressed +with still greater fervency upon this declaration, she went up to the +royal apartments without even looking at her new lover. Matta, never +thinking that he had offended her, suffered her to go, and went in search +of some company to sup with him: nothing was more easy for a man of his +disposition; he soon found what he wanted, sat a long time at table to +refresh himself after the fatigue, of love, and went to bed completely +satisfied that he had performed his part to perfection. + +During all this time the Chevalier de Grammont acquitted himself towards +Mademoiselle de Saint Germain with universal applause; and without +remitting his assiduities, he found means to shine, as they went along, +in the relation of a thousand entertaining anecdotes, which he introduced +in the general conversation. Her Royal Highness heard them with +pleasure, and the solitary Senantes likewise attended to them. He +perceived this, and quitted his mistress to inquire what she had done +with Matta. + +"I" said she, "I have done nothing with him; but I don't know what he +would have done with me if I had been obliging enough to listen to his +most humble solicitations." + +She then told him in what manner his friend had treated her the very +second day of their acquaintance. + +The Chevalier could not forbear laughing at it: he told her Matta was +rather too unceremonious, but yet she would like him better as their +intimacy more improved, and for her consolation he assured her that he +would have spoken in the same manner to her Royal Highness herself; +however, he would not fail to give him a severe reprimand. He went the +next morning into his room for that purpose; but Matta had gone out early +in the morning on a shooting party, in which he had been engaged by his +supper companions in the preceding evening. At his return he took a +brace of partridges and went to his mistress. Being asked whether he +wished to see the Marquis, he said no; and the Swiss telling him his lady +was not at home, he left his partridges, and desired him to present them +to his mistress from him. + +The Marchioness was at her toilet, and was decorating her head with all +the grace she could devise to captivate Matta, at the moment he was +denied admittance: she knew nothing of the matter; but her husband knew +every particular. He had taken it in dudgeon that the first visit was +not paid to him, and as he was resolved that it should not be paid to his +wife, the Swiss had received his orders, and had almost been beaten for +receiving the present which had been left. The partridges, however, were +immediately sent back, and Matta, without examining into the cause, was +glad to have them again. He went to court without ever changing his +clothes, or in the least considering he ought not to appear there without +his lady's colours. He found her becomingly dressed; her eyes appeared +to him more than usually sparkling, and her whole person altogether +divine. He began from that day to be much pleased with himself for his +complaisance to the Chevalier de Grammont; however, he could not help +remarking that she looked but coldly upon him. This appeared to him a +very extraordinary return for his services, and, imagining that she was +unmindful of her weighty obligations to him, he entered into conversation +with her, and severely reprimanded her for having sent back his +partridges with so much indifference. + +She did not understand what he meant; and highly offended that he did not +apologize, after the reprimand which she concluded him to have received, +told him that he certainly had met with ladies of very complying +dispositions in his travels, as he seemed to give to himself airs that +she was by no means accustomed to endure. Matta desired to know wherein +he could be said to have given himself any. "Wherein?" said she: "the +second day that you honoured me with your attentions, you treated me as +if I had been your humble servant for a thousand years; the first time +that I gave you my hand you squeezed it as violently as you were able. +After this commencement of your courtship, I got into my coach, and you +mounted your horse; but instead of riding by the side of the coach, as +any reasonable gallant would have done, no sooner did a hare start from +her form, than you immediately galloped full speed after her; having +regaled yourself, during the promenade, by taking snuff, without ever +deigning to bestow a thought on me, the only proof you gave me, on your +return, that you recollected me, was by soliciting me to surrender my +reputation in terms polite enough, but very explicit. And now you talk +to me of having been shooting of partridges and of some visit or other, +which, I suppose, you have been dreaming of, as well as of all the rest." + +The Chevalier de Grammont now advanced, to the interruption of this +whimsical dialogue. Matta was rebuked for his forwardness, and his +friend took abundant pains to convince him that his conduct bordered more +upon insolence than familiarity. Matta endeavoured to exculpate himself, +but succeeded ill. His mistress took compassion upon him, and consented +to admit his excuses, for the manner, rather than his repentance for the +fact, and declared that it was the intention alone which could either +justify or condemn, in such cases; that it was very easy to pardon those +transgressions which arise from excess of tenderness, but not such as +proceeded from too great a presumption of success. Matta swore that he +only squeezed her hand from the violence of his passion, and that he had +been driven, by necessity, to ask her to relieve it; that he was yet a +novice in the arts of solicitation; that he could not possibly think her +more worthy of his affection, after a month's service, than at the +present moment; and that he entreated her to cast away an occasional +thought upon him when her leisure admitted. The Marchioness was not +offended, she saw very well that she must require an implicit conformity +to the established rule of decorum, when she had to deal with such a +character; and the Chevalier de Grammont, after this sort of +reconciliation, went to look after his own affair with Mademoiselle de +St. Germain. + +His concern was not the offspring of mere good nature, nay, it was the +reverse; for no sooner did he perceive that the Marchioness looked with +an eye of favour upon him, than this conquest, appearing to him to be +more easy than the other, he thought it was prudent to take advantage of +it, for fear of losing the opportunity, and that he might not have spent +all his time to no purpose, in case he should prove unsuccessful with the +little St. Germain. + +In the mean time, in order to maintain that authority which he had +usurped over the conduct of his friend, he, that very evening, +notwithstanding what had been already said, reprimanded him for presuming +to appear at court in his morning suit, and without his mistress's badge; +for not having had the wit or prudence to pay his first visit to the +Marquis de Senantes, instead of consuming his time, to no purpose, in +inquiries for the lady; and, to conclude, he asked him what the devil he +meant by presenting her with a brace of miserable red partridges. "And +why not?" said Matta: "ought they to have been blue, too, to match the +cockade and sword-knots you made me wear the other day? Plague not me +with your nonsensical whimsies: my life on it, in one fortnight your +equal in foppery and folly will not be found throughout the confines of +Turin; but, to reply to your questions, I did not call upon Monsieur de +Senantes, because I had nothing to do with him, and because he is of a +species of animals which I dislike, and always shall dislike: as for you, +you appear quite charmed with being decked out in green ribands, with +writing letters to your mistress, and filling your pockets with citrons, +pistachios, and such sort of stuff, with which you are always cramming +the poor girl's mouth, in spite of her teeth: you hope to succeed by +chanting ditties composed in the days of Corisande and of Henry IV., +which you will swear yourself have made upon her: happy in practising the +ceremonials of gallantry, you have no ambition for the essentials. Very +well: every one has a particular way of acting, as well as a particular +taste: your's is to trifle in love; and, provided you can make +Mademoiselle de St. Germain laugh, you are satisfied: as for my part, I +am persuaded, that women here are made of the same materials as in other +places; and I do not think that they can be mightily offended, if one +sometimes leaves off trifling, to come to the point: however, if the +Marchioness is not of this way of thinking, she may e'en provide herself +elsewhere; for I can assure her, that I shall not long act the part of +her squire." + +This was an unnecessary menace; for the Marchioness in reality liked him +very well, was nearly of the same way of thinking herself, and wished for +nothing more than to put his gallantry to the test. But Matta proceeded +upon a wrong plan; he had conceived such an aversion for her husband, +that he could not prevail upon himself to make the smallest advance +towards his good graces. He was given to understand that he ought to +begin by endeavouring to lull the dragon to sleep, before he could gain +possession of the treasure; but this was all to no purpose, though, at +the same time, he could never see his mistress but in public. This made +him impatient, and as he was lamenting his ill-fortune to her one day: +"Have the goodness, madam," said he, "to let me know where you live: +there is never a day that I do not call upon you, at least, three or four +times, without ever being blessed with a sight of you." "I generally +sleep at home," replied she, laughing; "but I must tell you, that you +will never find me there, if you do not first pay a visit to the Marquis: +I am not mistress of the house. I do not tell you," continued she, "that +he is a man whose acquaintance any one would very impatiently covet +for his conversation: on the contrary, I agree that his humour is +fantastical, and his manners not of the pleasing cast; but there is +nothing so savage and inhuman, which a little care, attention, and +complaisance may not tame into docility. I must repeat to you some +verses upon the subject: I have got them by heart, because they contain a +little advice, which you may accommodate, if you please, to your own +case." + + RONDEAU. + + Keep in mind these maxims rare, + You who hope to win the fair; + Who are, or would esteemed be, + The quintessence of gallantry. + + That fopp'ry, grinning, and grimace, + And fertile store of common-place; + That oaths as false as dicers swear, + And Wry teeth, and scented hair; + That trinkets, and the pride of dress, + Can only give your scheme success. + Keep in mind. + + Has thy charmer e'er an aunt? + Then learn the rules of woman's cant, + And forge a tale, and swear you read it, + Such as, save woman, none would credit + Win o'er her confidante and pages + By gold, for this a golden age is; + And should it be her wayward fate, + To be encumbered with a mate, + A dull, old dotard should he be, + That dulness claims thy courtesy. + Keep in mind. + +"Truly," said Matta, "the song may say what it pleases, but I cannot put +it in practice: your husband is far too exquisite a monster for me. Why, +what a plaguey odd ceremony do you require of us in this country, if we +cannot pay our compliments to the wife without being in love with the +husband!" + +The Marchioness was much offended at this answer; and as she thought she +had done enough in pointing out to him the path which would conduct him +to success, if he had deserved it, she did not think it worth while to +enter into any farther explanation; since he refused to cede, for her +salve, so trilling an objection: from this instant she resolved to have +done with him. + +The Chevalier de Grammont had taken leave of his mistress nearly at the +same time: the ardour of his pursuit was extinguished. It was not that +Mademoiselle de Saint Germain was less worthy than hitherto of his +attentions: on the contrary her attractions visibly increased: she +retired to her pillow with a thousand charms, and ever rose from it with +additional beauty the phrase of increasing in beauty as she increased in +years seemed to have been purposely made for her. The Chevalier could +not deny these truths, but yet he could not find his account in them: a +little less merit, with a little less discretion, would have been more +agreeable. He perceived that she attended to him with pleasure, that +she was diverted with his stories as much as he could wish, and that +she received his billets and presents without scruple; but then he +also discovered that she did not wish to proceed any farther. He had +exhausted every species of address upon her, and all to no purpose: her +attendant was gained: her family, charmed with the music of his +conversation and his great attention, were never happy without him: in +short, he had reduced to practice the advice contained in the +Marchioness's song, and everything conspired to deliver the little Saint +Germain into his hands, if the little Saint Germain had herself been +willing: but alas! she was not inclined. It was in vain he told her the +favour he desired would cost her nothing; and that since these treasures +were rarely comprised in the fortune a lady brings with her in marriage, +she would never find any person, who, by unremitting tenderness, +unwearied attachment, and inviolable secrecy, would prove more worthy of +them than himself. He then told her no husband was ever able to convey +a proper idea of the sweets of love, and that nothing could be more +different than the passionate fondness of a lover, always tender, always +affectionate, yet always respectful, and the careless indifference of a +husband. + +Mademoiselle de Saint Germain, not wishing to take the matter in a +serious light, that she might not be forced to resent it, answered, that +since it was generally the custom in her country to marry, she thought it +was right to conform to it, without entering into the knowledge of those +distinctions, and those marvellous particulars, which she did not very +well understand, and of which she did not wish to have any further +explanation; that she had submitted to listen to him this one time, but +desired he would never speak to her again in the same strain, since such +sort of conversation was neither entertaining to her, nor could be +serviceable to him. Though no one was ever more facetious than +Mademoiselle de Saint Germain, she yet knew how to assume a very serious +air, when ever occasion required it. The Chevalier de Grammont soon saw +that she was in earnest; and finding it would cost him a great deal of +time to effect a change in her sentiments, he was so far cooled in this +pursuit, that he only made use of it to hide the designs he had upon the +Marchioness de Senantes. + +He found this lady much disgusted at Matta's want of complaisance; and +his seeming contempt for her erased every favourable impression which +she had once entertained for him. While she was in this humour, the +Chevalier told her that her resentment was just; he exaggerated the loss +which his friend had sustained; he told her that her charms were a +thousand times superior to those of the little Saint Germain, and +requested that favour for himself which his friend did not deserve. He +was soon favourably heard upon this topic; and as soon as they were +agreed, they consulted upon two measures necessary to be taken, the one +to deceive her husband, the other his friend, which was not very +difficult: Matta was not at all suspicious: and the stupid Senantes, +towards whom the Chevalier had already behaved as Matta had refused to +do, could not be easy without him. This was much more than was wanted; +for as soon as ever the Chevalier was with the Marchioness, her husband +immediately joined them out of politeness; and on no account would have +left them alone together, for fear they should grow weary of each other +without him. + +Matta, who all this time was entirely ignorant that he was disgraced, +continued to serve his mistress in his own way. She had agreed with the +Chevalier de Grammont, that to all appearance everything should be +carried on as before; so that the court always believed that the +Marchioness only thought of Matta, and that the Chevalier was entirely +devoted to Mademoiselle de Saint Germain. + +There were very frequently little lotteries for trinkets: the Chevalier +de Grammont always tried his fortune, and was sometimes fortunate; and +under pretence of the prizes he had won, he bought a thousand things +which he indiscreetly gave to the Marchioness, and which she still more +indiscreetly accepted: the little Saint Germain very seldom received any +thing. There are meddling whisperers everywhere: remarks were made upon +these proceedings; and the same person that made them communicated them +likewise to Mademoiselle de Saint Germain. She pretended to laugh, but +in reality was piqued. It is a maxim religiously observed by the fair +sex, to envy each other those indulgences which themselves refuse. She +took this very ill of the Marchioness. On the other hand, Matta was +asked if he was not old enough to make his own presents himself to the +Marchioness de Senantes, without sending them by the Chevalier de +Grammont. This roused him; for of himself, he would never have perceived +it: his suspicions, however, were but slight, and he was willing to have +them removed. "I must confess," said he to the Chevalier de Grammont, +"that they make love here quite in a new style; a man serves here without +reward: he addresses himself to the husband when he is in love with the +wife, and makes presents to another man's mistress, to get into the good +graces of his own. The Marchioness is much obliged to you for -----" + +"It is you who are obliged," replied the Chevalier, "since thus was done +on your account: I was ashamed to find you had never yet thought of +presenting her with any trifling token of your attention: do you know +that the people of this court have such extraordinary notions, as to +think that it is rather owing to inadvertency that you never yet have had +the spirit to make your mistress the smallest present? For shame! how +ridiculous it is, that you can never think for yourself?" + +Matta took this rebuke, without making any answer, being persuaded that +he had in some measure deserved it: besides, he was neither sufficiently +jealous, nor sufficiently amorous, to think any more of it; however, as +it was necessary for the Chevalier's affairs that Matta should be +acquainted with the Marquis de Senantes, he plagued him so much about it, +that at last he complied. His friend introduced him, and his mistress +seemed pleased with this proof of complaisance, though she was resolved +that he should gain nothing by it; and the husband, being gratified with +a piece of civility which he had long expected, determined, that very +evening, to give them a supper at a little country seat of his, on the +banks of the river, very near the city. + +The Chevalier de Grammont answering for them both, accepted the offer; +and as this was the only one Matta would not have refused from the +Marquis, he likewise consented. The Marquis came to convey them in his +carriage at the hour appointed; but he found only Matta. The Chevalier +had engaged himself to play, on purpose that they might go without him: +Matta was for waiting for him, so great was his fear of being left alone +with the Marquis; but the Chevalier having sent to desire them to go on +before, and that he would be with them as soon as he had finished his +game, poor Matta was obliged to set out with the man who, of all the +world, was most offensive to him. It was not the Chevalier's intention +quickly to extricate Matta out of this embarrassment: he no sooner knew +that they were gone, than he waited on the Marchioness, under pretence of +still finding her husband, that they might all go together to supper. + +The plot was in a fair way; and as the Marchioness was of opinion that +Matta's indifference merited no better treatment from her, she made no +scruple of acting her part in it: she therefore waited for the Chevalier +de Grammont with intentions so much the more favourable, as she had for +a long time expected him, and had some curiosity to receive a visit from +him in the absence of her husband. We may therefore suppose that this +first opportunity would not have been lost, if Mademoiselle de Saint +Germain had not unexpectedly come in, almost at the same time with the +Chevalier. + +She was more handsome and more entertaining that day than she had ever +been before; however, she appeared to them very ugly and very tiresome: +she soon perceived that her company was disagreeable, and being +determined that they should not be out of humour with her for nothing, +after having passed above a long half hour in diverting herself with +their uneasiness, and in playing a thousand monkey tricks, which she +plainly saw could never be more unseasonable, she pulled off her hood, +scarf, and all that part of her dress which ladies lay aside, when in a +familiar manner they intend to pass the day anywhere. The Chevalier de +Grammont cursed her in his heart, while she continued to torment him for +being in such ill-humour in such good company: at last the Marchioness, +who was as much vexed as he was, said rather drily that she was obliged +to wait on her Royal Highness: Mademoiselle de Saint Germain told her +that she would have the honour to accompany her, if it would not be +disagreeable: she took not the smallest notice of her offer; and the +Chevalier, finding that it would be entirely useless to prolong his visit +at that time, retired with a good grace. + +As soon as he had left the house, he sent one of his scouts to desire the +Marquis to sit down to table with his company without waiting for him, +because the game might not perhaps be finished as soon as he expected, +but that he would be with him before supper was over. Having despatched +this messenger, he placed a sentinel at the Marchioness's door, in hopes +that the tedious Saint Germain might go out before her; but this was in +vain, for his spy came and told him, after an hour's impatience and +suspense, that they were gone out together. He found there was no chance +of seeing her again that day, everything falling out contrary to his +wishes; he was forced therefore to leave the Marchioness, and go in quest +of the Marquis. + +While these things were going on in the city, Matta was not much diverted +in the country: as he was prejudiced against the Marquis, all that he +said displeased him: he cursed the Chevalier heartily for the tete-a-tete +which he had procured him; and he was upon the point of going away, when +he found that he was to sit down to supper without any other company. + +However, as his host was very choice in his entertainments, and had the +best wine and the best cook in all Piedmont, the sight of the first +course appeased him; and eating most voraciously, without paying any +attention to the Marquis, he flattered himself that the supper would +end without any dispute; but he was mistaken. + +When the Chevalier de Grammont was at first endeavouring to bring +about an intercourse between the Marquis and Matta, he had given a very +advantageous character of the latter, to make the former more desirous of +his acquaintance; and in the display of a thousand other accomplishments, +knowing what an infatuation the Marquis had for the very name of +erudition, he assured him that Matta was one of the most learned men in +Europe. + +The Marquis, therefore, from the moment they sat down to supper, had +expected some stroke of learning from Matta, to bring his own into play; +but he was much out in his reckoning; no one had read less, no one +thought less, and no one had ever spoken so little at an entertainment as +he had done as he did not wish to enter into conversation, he opened his +mouth only to eat, or ask for wine. + +The other, being offended at a silence which appeared to him affected, +and wearied with having uselessly attacked him upon other subjects, +thought he might get something out of him by changing the discourse of +love and gallantry; and therefore, to begin the subject, he accosted him +in this manner: + +"Since you are my wife's gallant--" "I!" said Matta who wished to carry +it discreetly: "those who told you so, told a damned lie." "Zounds, +sir," said the Marquis, "you speak in a tone which does not at all become +you; for I would have you to know, notwithstanding your contemptuous +airs, that the Marchioness de Senantes is perhaps as worthy of your +attentions as any of your French ladies, and that I have known some +greatly your superiors, who have thought it an honour to serve her." +"Very well," said Matta, "I think she is very deserving, and since you +insist upon it, I am her servant and gallant, to oblige you." + +"You think, perhaps," continued the other, "that the same custom prevails +in this country as in your own, and that the ladies have lovers, with no +other intentions than to grant them favours: undeceive yourself if you +please, and know, likewise, that even if such events were frequent in +this court, I should not be at all uneasy." "Nothing can be more civil," +said Matta; "but wherefore would you not?" "I will tell you why," +replied he: "I am well acquainted with the affection my wife entertains +for me: I am acquainted with her discretion towards all the world; and, +what is more, I am acquainted with my own merit." + +"You have a most uncommon acquaintance then," replied Matta; +"I congratulate you upon it; I have the honour to drink it in a bumper." +The Marquis pledged him; but seeing that the conversation dropped on +their ceasing to drink, after two or three healths, he wished to make a +second attempt, and attack Matta on his strong side, that is to say, on +his learning. + +He desired him, therefore, to tell him, at what time he thought the +Allobroges came to settle in Piedmont. Matta, who wished him and his +Allobroges at the devil, said, that it must be in the time of the civil +wars. "I doubt that," said the other. "Just as you like," said Matta. +"Under what consulate?" replied the Marquis: "Under that of the League," +said Matta, "when the Guises brought the Lansquenets into France; but +what the devil does that signify?" + +The Marquis was tolerably warm, and naturally savage, so that God knows +how the conversation would have ended, if the Chevalier de Grammont had +not unexpectedly come in to appease them. It was some time before he +could find out what their debate was; for the one had forgotten the +questions, and the other the answers, which had disobliged him, in order +to reproach the Chevalier with his eternal passion for play, which made +him always uncertain. The Chevalier, who knew that he was still more +culpable than they thought, bore it all with patience, and condemned +himself more than they desired: this appeased them; and the entertainment +ended with greater tranquillity than it had begun. The conversation was +again reduced to order; but he could not enliven it as he usually did. +He was in very ill humour, and as he pressed them every minute to rise +from table, the Marquis was of opinion that he had lost a great deal. +Matta said, on the contrary, that he had won; but for want of precautions +had made perhaps an unfortunate retreat; and asked him if he had not +stood in need of Serjeant La Place, with his ambuscade. + +This piece of history was beyond the comprehension of the Marquis, and +being afraid that Matta might explain it, the Chevalier changed the +discourse, and was for rising from table; but Matta would not consent +to it. This effected a reconciliation between him and the Marquis, who +thought this was a piece of civility intended for him; however, it was +not for him, but for his wine, to which Matta had taken a prodigious +liking. + +The Duchess, who knew the character of the Marquis, was charmed with the +account which the Chevalier de Grammont gave her of the entertainment and +conversation: she sent for Matta to know the truth of it from himself: he +confessed, that before the Allobroges were mentioned the Marquis was +for quarrelling with him, because he was not in love with his wife. + +Their acquaintance having begun in this manner, all the esteem which the +Marquis had formerly expressed for the Chevalier seemed now directed +towards Matta: he went every day to pay Matta a visit, and Matta was +every day with his wife. This did not at all suit the Chevalier: he +repented of his having chid Matta, whose assiduity now interrupted all +his schemes; and the Marchioness was still more embarrassed. Whatever +wit a man may have, it will never please where his company is disliked; +and she repented that she had been formerly guilty of some trifling +advances towards him. + +Matta began to find charms in her person, and might have found the same +in her conversation, if she had been inclined to display them; but it +is impossible to be in good humour with persons who thwart our designs. +While his passion increased, the Chevalier de Grammont was solely +occupied in endeavouring to find out some method, by which he might +accomplish his intrigue; and this was the stratagem which he put in +execution to clear the coast, by removing, at one and the same time, +both the lover and the husband. + +He told Matta, that they ought to invite the Marquis to supper at their +lodgings, and he would take upon himself to provide everything proper for +the occasion. Matta desired to know if it was to play at quinze, and +assured him that he should take care to render abortive any intention he +might have to engage in play, and leave him alone with the greatest +blockhead in all Europe. The Chevalier de Grammont did not entertain any +such thought, being persuaded that it would be impossible to take +advantage of any such opportunity, in whatever manner he might take his +measures, and that they would seek for him in every corner of the city +rather than allow him the least repose: his whole attention was therefore +employed in rendering the entertainment agreeable, in finding out means +of prolonging it, in order ultimately to kindle some dispute between the +Marquis and Matta. For this purpose he put himself in the best humour in +the world, and the wine produced the same effect on the rest of the +company. + +The Chevalier de Grammont expressed his concern, that he had not been +able to give the Marquis a little concert, as he had intended in the +morning; for the musicians had been all pre-engaged. Upon this the +Marquis undertook to have them at his country-house the following +evening, and invited the same company to sup with him there. Matta asked +what the devil they wanted with music, and maintained that it was of no +use on such occasions but for women who had something to say to their +lovers, while the fiddles prevented them from being overheard, or for +fools who had nothing to say when the music ended. They ridiculed all +his arguments: the party was fixed for the next day, and the music was +voted by the majority of voices. The Marquis, to console Matta, as well +as to do honour to the entertainment, toasted a great many healths: Matta +was more ready to listen to his arguments on this topic than in a +dispute; but the Chevalier, perceiving that a little would irritate them, +desired nothing more earnestly than to see them engaged in some new +controversy. It was in vain that he had from time to time started some +subject of discourse with this intention; but having luckily thought of +asking what was his lady's maiden name, Senantes, who was a great +genealogist, as all fools are who have good memories, immediately began +by tracing out her family, by an endless confused string of lineage. The +Chevalier seemed to listen to him with great attention; and perceiving +that Matta was almost out of patience, he desired him to attend to what +the Marquis was saying, for that nothing could be more entertaining. +"All this may be very true," said Matta; "but for my part, I must +confess, if I were married, I should rather choose to inform myself who +was the real father of my children, than who were my wife's grand +fathers." The Marquis, smiling at this rudeness, did not leave off until +he had traced back the ancestors of his spouse, from line to line, as far +as Yolande de Senantes: after this he offered to prove, in less than half +an hour, that the Grammonts came originally from Spain. "Very well," +said Matta, "and pray what does it signify to us from whence the Grammonts +are descended? Do not you know, sir, that it is better to know nothing +at all, than to know too much?" + +The Marquis maintained the contrary with great warmth, and was preparing +a formal argument to prove that an ignorant man is a fool; but the +Chevalier de Grammont, who was thoroughly acquainted with Matta saw very +clearly that he would send the logician to the devil before he should +arrive at the conclusion of his syllogism: for which reason, interposing +as soon as they began to raise their voices, he told them it was +ridiculous to quarrel about an affair in itself so trivial, and treated +the matter in a serious light, that it might make the greater impression. +Thus supper terminated peaceably, owing to the care he took to suppress +all disputes, and to substitute plenty of wine in their stead. + +The next day Matta went to the chase, the Chevalier de Grammont to the +bagnio, and the Marquis to his country house. While the latter was +making the necessary preparations for his guests, not forgetting the +music, and Matta pursuing his game to get an appetite, the Chevalier was +meditating on the execution of his project. + +As soon as he had regulated his plan of operations in his own mind, he +privately sent anonymous intelligence to the officer of the guard at the +palace that the Marquis de Senantes had had some words with Monsieur de +Matta the preceding night at supper; that the one had gone out in the +morning; and the other could not be found in the city. + +Madame Royale, alarmed at this advice, immediately sent for the Chevalier +de Grammont: he appeared surprised when her highness mentioned the +affair: he confessed, indeed, that some high words had passed between +them, but that he did not believe either of them would have remembered +them the next day. He said that if no mischief had yet taken place, the +best way would be to secure them both until the morning, and that if they +could be found, he would undertake to reconcile them, and to obliterate +all grievances: in this there was no great difficulty. On inquiry at the +Marquis's they were informed that he was gone to his country-house: there +certainly he was, and there they found him; the officer put him under an +arrest, without assigning any reason for so doing, and left him in very +great surprise. + +Immediately upon Matta's return from hunting, her Royal Highness sent the +same officer to desire him to give her his word that he would not stir +out that evening. This compliment very much surprised him, more +particularly as no reason was assigned for it. He was expected at a good +entertainment he was dying with hunger, and nothing appeared to him more +unreasonable than to oblige him to stay at home, in a situation like the +present; but he had given his word, and not knowing to what this might +tend, his only resource was to send for his friend; but his friend did +not come to him until his return from the country. He had there found +the Marquis in the midst of his fiddlers, and very much vexed to find +himself a prisoner in his own house on account of Matta, whom he was +waiting for in order to feast him: he complained of him bitterly to the +Chevalier de Grammont: he said that he did not believe that he had +offended him; but that, since he was very desirous of a quarrel, he +desired the Chevalier to acquaint him, if he felt the least displeasure +on the present occasion, he should, on the very first opportunity, +receive what is called satisfaction. The Chevalier de Grammont assured +him that no such thought had ever entered the mind of Matta; that on the +contrary, he knew that he very greatly esteemed him; that all this could +alone arise from the extreme tenderness of his lady, who, being alarmed +upon the report of the servants who waited at table, must have gone to +her Royal Highness, in order to prevent any unpleasant consequences; that +he thought this the more probable, as he had often told the Marchioness, +when speaking of Matta, that he was the best swordsman in France; for, in +truth, the poor gentleman had never fought without having the misfortune +of killing his man. + +The Marquis, being a little pacified, said he was very much obliged to +him, that he would severely chide his wife for her unseasonable +tenderness, and that he was extremely desirous of again enjoying the +pleasure of his dear friend Matta's company. + +The Chevalier de Grammont assured him that he would use all his +endeavours for that purpose, and at the same time gave strict charge to +his guard not to let him escape without orders from the Court, as he +seemed fully bent upon fighting, and they would be responsible for him: +there was no occasion to say more to have him strictly watched, though +there was no necessity for it. + +One being thus safely lodged, his next step was to secure the other: he +returned immediately to town: and as soon as Matta saw him, "What the +devil," said he, "is the meaning of this farce which I am obliged to act? +for my part, I cannot understand the foolish customs of this country; how +comes it that they make me a prisoner upon my parole?" "How comes it?" +said the Chevalier de Grammont, "it is because you yourself are far more +unaccountable than all their customs; you cannot help disputing with a +peevish fellow, whom you ought only to laugh at; some officious footman +has no doubt been talking of your last night's dispute; you were seen to +go out of town in the morning, and the Marquis soon after; was not this +sufficient to make her Royal Highness think herself obliged to take these +precautions? The Marquis is in custody; they have only required your +parole; so far, therefore, from taking the affair in the sense you do, I +should send very humbly to thank her Highness for the kindness she has +manifested towards you in putting you under arrest, since it is only on +your account that she interests herself in the affair. I shall take a +walk to the palace, where I will endeavour to unravel this mystery; in +the mean time, as there is but little probability that the matter should +be settled this evening, you would do well to order supper; for I shall +come back to you immediately." + +Matta charged him not to fail to express to her Royal Highness the +grateful sense he had of her favour, though in truth he as little feared +the Marquis as he loved him; and it is impossible to express the degree +of his fortitude in stronger terms. + +The Chevalier de Grammont returned in about half an hour, with two or +three gentlemen whom Matta had got acquainted with at the chase, and who, +upon the report of the quarrel, waited upon him, and each offered him +separately his services against the unassisted and pacific Marquis. +Matta having returned them his thanks, insisted upon their staying +supper, and put on his robe de chambre. + +As soon as the Chevalier de Grammont perceived that every thing coincided +with his wishes, and that towards the end of the entertainment the toasts +went merrily round, he knew he was sure of his man till next day: then +taking him aside with the permission of the company, and making use of a +false confidence in order to disguise a real treachery, he acquainted +him, after having sworn him several times to secrecy, that he had at last +prevailed upon the little Saint Germain to grant him an interview that +night; for which reason he would take his leave, under pretence of going +to play at Court; he therefore desired him fully to satisfy the company +that he would not have left them on any other account, as the Piedmontese +are naturally mistrustful. Matta promised he would manage this point +with discretion; that he would make an apology for him, and that there +was no occasion for his personally taking leave: then, after +congratulating him upon the happy posture of his affairs, he sent him +away with all the expedition and secrecy imaginable; so great was his +fear lest his friend should lose the present opportunity. + +Matta then returned to the company, much pleased with the confidence +which had been placed in him, and with the share he had in the success of +this adventure. He put himself into the best humour imaginable in order +to divert the attention of his guests; he severely satirised those, +whose rage for gaming induced them to sacrifice to it every other +consideration; he loudly ridiculed the folly of the Chevalier upon this +article, and secretly laughed at the credulity of the Piedmontese, whom +he had deceived with so much ingenuity. + +It was late at night before the company broke up, and Matta went to bed, +very well satisfied with what he had done for his friend; and, if we may +credit appearances, this friend enjoyed the fruit of his perfidy. The +amorous Marchioness received him like one who wished to enhance the value +of the favour she bestowed; her charms were far from being neglected; and +if there are any circumstances in which we may detest the traitor while +we profit by the treason, this was not one of them; and however +successful the Chevalier de Grammont was in his intrigues, it was not +owing to him that the contrary was not believed; but, be that as it may, +being convinced that in love whatever is gained by address is gained +fairly, it does not appear that he ever showed the smallest degree of +repentance for this trick. But it is now time for its to take him from +the court of Savoy, to see him shine in that of France. + + + + + CHAPTER FIFTH. + + HE RETURNS TO THE COURT OF FRANCE--HIS ADVENTURES AT + THE SIEGE OF ARRAS--HIS REPLY TO CARDINAL MAZARIN-- + HE IS BANISHED THE COURT. + + +The Chevalier de Grammont, upon his return to France, sustained, with the +greatest success, the reputation he had acquired abroad: alert in play, +active and vigilant in love; sometimes successful, and always feared, in +his intrigues; in war alike prepared for the events of good or ill +fortune; possessing an inexhaustible fund of pleasantry in the former, +and full of expedients and dexterity in the latter. + +Zealously attached to the Prince de Conde from inclination, he was a +witness, and, if we may be allowed to say it, his companion, in the glory +he had acquired at the celebrated battles of Lens, Norlinguen, and +Fribourg; and the details he so frequently gave of them were far from +diminishing their lustre. + + [Louis of Bourbon, Duke d'Enghien, afterwards, by the death of his + father in 1656, Prince de Conde. Of this great man Cardinal de Retz + says, "He was born a general, which never happened but to Caesar, to + Spinola, and to himself. He has equalled the first: he has + surpassed the second. Intrepidity is one of the least shining + strokes in his character. Nature had formed him with a mind as + great as his courage. Fortune, in setting him out in a time of + wars, has given this last a full extent to work in: his birth, or + rather his education, in a family devoted and enslaved to the court, + has kept the first within too straight bounds. He was not taught + time enough the great and general maxims which alone are able to + form men to think always consistently. He never had time to learn + them of himself, because he was prevented from his youth, by the + great affairs that fell unexpectedly to his share, and by the + continual success he met with. This defect in him was the cause, + that with the soul in the world the least inclined to evil, he has + committed injuries; that with the heart of an Alexander, he has, + like him, had his failings; that with a wonderful understanding, he + has acted imprudently; that having all the qualities which the Duke + Francis of Guise had, he has not served the state in some occasions + so well as he ought; and that having likewise having all the + qualities of the Duke Henry of Guise, he has not carried faction so + far as he might. He could not come up to the height of his merit; + which, though it be a defect, must yet be owned to be very uncommon, + and only to be found in persons of the greatest abilities."] + +So long as he had only some scruples of conscience, and a thousand +interests to sacrifice, he quitted all to follow a man, whom strong +motives and resentments, which in some manner appeared excusable, had +withdrawn from the paths of rectitude: he adhered to him in his first +disgrace, with a constancy of which there are few examples; but he could +not submit to the injuries which he afterwards received, and which such +an inviolable attachment so little merited. Therefore, without fearing +any reproach for a conduct which sufficiently justified itself, as he had +formerly deviated from his duty by entering into the service of the +Prince de Conde, he thought he had a right to leave him to return again +to his duty. + +His peace was soon made at Court, where many, far more culpable than +himself, were immediately received into favour, when they desired it; for +the queen, still terrified at the dangers into which the civil wars had +plunged the State at the commencement of her regency, endeavoured by +lenient measures to conciliate the minds of the people. + + [Anne of Austria, daughter of Philip III. of Spain, widow of Louis + XIII., to whom she was married in 1615, and mother of Louis XIV. + She died in 1666. Cardinal de Retz speaks of her in the following + terms. "The queen had more than anybody whom I ever knew, of that + sort of wit which was necessary for her not to appear a fool to + those that did not know her. She had in her more of harshness than + haughtiness; more of haughtiness than of greatness; more of outward + appearance than reality; more regard to money than liberality; more + of liberality than of self-interest; more of self-interest than + disinterestedness: she was more tied to persons by habit than by + affection; she had more of insensibility than of cruelty; she had a + better memory for injuries than for benefits; her intention towards + piety was greater than her piety; she had in her more of obstinacy + than of firmness; and more incapacity than of all the rest which I + mentioned before." Memoirs, vol. i., p. 247.] + +The policy of the minister was neither sanguinary nor revengeful: his +favourite maxim was rather to appease the minds of the discontented by +lenity, than to have recourse to violent measures; to be content with +losing nothing by the war, without being at the expense of gaining any +advantage from the enemy; to suffer his character to be very severely +handled, provided he could amass much wealth, and to spin out the +minority to the greatest possible extent. + + [Cardinal Mazarin, who, during a few of the latter years of his + life, governed France. He died at Vincennes the 9th of March 1661, + aged 59 years, leaving as heir to his name and property the Alarquis + de la Meilleray, who married his niece, and took the title of Duke + of Mazarin. On his death, Louis XIV. and the court appeared in + mourning, an honour not common, though Henry IV. had shewn it to the + memory of Gabrielle d'Estrees. Voltaire, who appears unwilling to + ascribe much ability to the cardinal, takes an opportunity, on + occasion of his death, to make the following observation.-- + "We cannot refrain from combating the opinion, which supposes + prodigious abilities, and a genius almost divine, in those who have + governed empires with some degree of success. It is not a superior + penetration that makes statesmen; it is their character. All men, + how inconsiderable soever their share of sense may be, see their own + interest nearly alike. A citizen of Bern or Amsterdam, in this + respect, is equal to Sejanus, Ximenes, Buckingham, Richelieu, or + Mazarin; but our conduct and our enterprises depend absolutely on + our natural dispositions, and our success depends upon fortune." + Age of Louis XIV., chap. 5.] + +His avidity to heap up riches was not alone confined to the thousand +different means, with which he was furnished by his authority, and the +situation in which he was placed: his whole pursuit was gain: he was +naturally fond of gaming; but he only played to enrich himself, and +therefore, whenever he found an opportunity, he cheated. + +As he found the Chevalier de Grammont possessed a great deal of wit, and +a great deal of money, he was a man according to his wishes, and soon +became one of his set. The Chevalier soon perceived the artfulness and +dishonesty of the Cardinal, and thought it was allowable in him to put in +practice those talents which he had received from nature, not only in his +own defence, but even to attack him whenever an opportunity offered. +This would certainly be the place to mention these particulars; but who +can describe them with such ease and elegance as maybe expected by those +who have heard his own relation of them? Vain is the attempt to +endeavour to transcribe these entertaining anecdotes: their spirit seems +to evaporate upon paper; and in whatever light they are exposed the +delicacy of their colouring and their beauty is lost. + +It is, then, enough to say, that upon all occasions where address was +reciprocally employed, the Chevalier gained the advantage; and that if +he paid his court badly to the minister, he had the consolation to find, +that those who suffered themselves to be cheated, in the end gained no +great advantage from their complaisance; for they always continued in +an abject submission, while the Chevalier de Grammont, on a thousand +different occasions, never put himself under the least restraint. Of +which the following is one instance: + +The Spanish army, commanded by the Prince de Conde and the archduke,-- +[Leopold, brother of the Emperor Ferdinand the III.]--besieged Arras. +The Court was advanced as far as Peronne.--[A little bat strong town, +standing among marshes on the river Somme, in Picardy.]--The enemy, by +the capture of this place, would have procured a reputation for their +army of which they were in great need; as the French, for a considerable +time past, had evinced a superiority in every engagement. + +The Prince supported a tottering party, as far as their usual inactivity +and irresolution permitted him; but as in the events of war it is +necessary to act independently on some occasions, which, if once suffered +to escape, can never be retrieved; for want of this power it frequently +happened that his great abilities were of no avail. The Spanish infantry +had never recovered itself since the battle of Rocroy;--[This famous +battle was fought and won 19th May, 1643, five days after the death of +Louis XIII.]--and he who had ruined them by that victory, by fighting +against them, was the only man who now, by commanding their army, was +capable of repairing the mischief he had done them. But the jealousy +of the generals, and the distrust attendant upon their counsels, tied up +his hands. + +Nevertheless, the siege of Arras was vigorously carried on. + + [Voltaire observes, that it was the fortune of Turenne and Conde + to be always victorious when they fought at the head of the French, + and to be vanquished when they commanded the Spaniards. This was + Conde's fate before Arras, August 25, 1654, when he and the archduke + besieged that city. Turenne attacked them in their camp, and forced + their lines: the troops of the archduke were cut to pieces; and + Conde, with two regiments of French and Lorrainers, alone sustained + the efforts of Turenne's army; and, while the archduke was flying, + he defeated the Marshal de Hoquincourt, repulsed the Marshal de la + Ferte, and retreated victoriously himself, by covering the retreat + of the vanquished Spaniards. The king of Spain, in his letter to + him after this engagement, had these words: "I have been informed + that everything was lost, and that you have recovered everything."] + +The Cardinal was very sensible how dishonourable it would be to suffer +this place to be taken under his nose, and almost in sight of the king. +On the other hand, it was very hazardous to attempt its relief, the +Prince de Conde being a man who never neglected the smallest precaution +for the security of his lines; and if lines are attacked and not forced, +the greatest danger threatens the assailants. For, the more furious the +assault, the greater is the disorder in the retreat; and no man in the +world knew so well as the Prince de Conde how to make the best use of an +advantage. The army, commanded by Monsieur de Turenne, was considerably +weaker than that of the enemy; it was, likewise, the only resource they +had to depend upon. If this army was defeated, the loss of Arras was not +the only misfortune to be dreaded. + +The Cardinal, whose genius was happily adapted to such junctures, where +deceitful negotiations could extricate him out of difficulties, was +filled with terror at the sight of imminent danger, or of a decisive +event: he was of opinion to lay siege to some other place, the capture of +which might prove an indemnification for the loss of Arras; but Monsieur +de Turenne, who was altogether of a different opinion from the Cardinal, +resolved to march towards the enemy, and did not acquaint him with his +intentions until he was upon his march. The courier arrived in the midst +of his distress, and redoubled his apprehensions and alarms; but there +was then no remedy. + +The Marshal, whose great reputation had gained him the confidence of the +troops, had determined upon his measures before an express order from the +Court could prevent him. This was one of those occasions in which the +difficulties you encounter heighten the glory of success. Though the +general's capacity, in some measure, afforded comfort to the Court, they +nevertheless were upon the eve of an event, which in one way or other +must terminate both their hopes and their fears while the rest of the +courtiers were giving various opinions concerning the issue, the +Chevalier de Grammont determined to be an eye-witness of it; a resolution +which greatly surprised the court; for those who had seen as many actions +as he had, seemed to be exempted from such eagerness; but it was in vain +that his friends opposed his resolutions. + +The king was pleased with his intention; and the queen appeared no less +satisfied. He assured her that he would bring her good news; and she +promised to embrace him, if he was as good as his word. The Cardinal +made the same promise: to the latter, however, he did not pay much +attention; yet he believed it sincere, because the keeping of it would +cost him nothing. + +He set out in the dusk of the evening with Caseau, whom Monsieur de +Turenne had sent express to their majesties. The Duke of York, and the +Marquis d'Humieres, commanded under the Marshal: the latter was upon duty +when the Chevalier arrived, it being scarce daylight. The Duke of York +did not at first recollect him; but the Marquis d'Humieres, running to +him with open arms, "I thought," said he, "if any man came from court to +pay us a visit upon such an occasion as this, it would be the Chevalier +de Grammont. Well," continued he, "what are they doing at Peronne?" + + [Louis de Crevans, Marechal of France. He died 1694. Voltaire says + of him, that he was the first who, at the siege of Arras, in 1658, + was served in silver in the trenches, and had ragouts and entremets + served up to his table.] + +"They are in great consternation," replied the Chevalier. "And what do +they think of us?" "They think," said he, "that if you beat the Prince, +you will do no more than your duty; if you are beaten, they will think +you fools and madmen, thus to have risked everything, without considering +the consequences." "Truly," said the Marquis, "you bring us very +comfortable news. Will you now go to Monsieur de Turenne's quarters, +to acquaint him with it; or will you choose rather to repose yourself in +mine? for you have been riding post all last night, and perhaps did not +experience much rest in the preceding." "Where have you heard that the +Chevalier de Grammont had ever any occasion for sleep?" replied he: +"Only order me a horse, that I may have the honour to attend the Duke of +York; for, most likely, he is not in the field so early, except to visit +some posts." + +The advanced guard was only at cannon shot from that of the enemy. As +soon as they arrived there, "I should like," said the Chevalier de +Grammont, "to advance as far as the sentry which is posted on that +eminence: I have some friends and acquaintance in their army, whom I +should wish to inquire after: I hope the Duke of York will give me +permission." At these words he advanced. The sentry, seeing him come +forward directly to his post, stood upon his guard the Chevalier stopped +as soon as he was within shot of him. The sentry answered the sign which +was made to him, and made another to the officer, who had begun to +advance as soon as he had seen the Chevalier come forward, and was soon +up with him; but seeing the Chevalier de Grammont alone, he made no +difficulty to let him approach. He desired leave of this officer to +inquire after some relations he had in their army, and at the same time +asked if the Duke d'Arscot was at the siege. "Sir," said he, "there he +is, just alighted under those trees, which you see on the left of our +grand guard: it is hardly a minute since he was here with the Prince +d'Aremberg, his brother, the Baron de Limbec, and Louvigny." "May I see +them upon parole?" said the Chevalier. "Sir," said he, "if I were +allowed to quit my post, I would do myself the honour of accompanying you +thither; but I will send to acquaint them, that the Chevalier de Grammont +desires to speak to them:" and, after having despatched one of his guard +towards them, he returned. "Sir," said the Chevalier de Grammont, "may I +take the liberty to inquire how I came to be known to you?" "Is it +possible," said the other, "that the Chevalier de Grammont should forget +La Motte, who had the honour to serve so long in his regiment?" "What! +is it you, my good friend, La Motte? Truly, I was to blame for not +remembering you, though you are in a dress very different from that which +I first saw you in at Bruxelles, when you taught the Duchess of Guise to +dance the triolets: and I am afraid your affairs are not in so +flourishing a condition as they were the campaign after I had given you +the company you mention." They were talking in this manner, when the +Duke d'Arscot, followed by the gentlemen above mentioned, came up on +full gallop. The Chevalier de Grammont was saluted by the whole company +before he could say a word. Soon after arrived an immense number of +others of his acquaintance, with many people, out of curiosity, on both +sides, who, seeing him upon the eminence, assembled together with the +greatest eagerness; so that the two armies, without design, without +truce, and without fraud, were going to join in conversation, if, by +chance, Monsieur de Turenne had not perceived it at a distance. The +sight surprised him: he hastened that way; and the Marquis d'Humieres +acquainted him with the arrival of the Chevalier de Grammont, who wished +to speak to the sentry before he went to the headquarters: he added, that +he could not comprehend how the devil he had managed to assemble both +armies around him, for it was hardly a minute since he had left him. +"Truly," said Monsieur de Turenne, "he is a very extraordinary man; but +it is only reasonable that he should let us now have a little of his +company, since he has paid his first visit to the enemy." At these words +he despatched an aide-de-camp, to recal the officers of his army, and to +acquaint the Chevalier de Grammont with his impatience to see him. + +This order arrived at the same time, with one of the same nature, to the +enemy's officers. The Prince de Conde, being informed of this peaceable +interview, was not the least surprised at it, when he heard that it was +occasioned by the arrival of the Chevalier de Grammont. He only gave +Lussan orders to recal the officers, and to desire the Chevalier to meet +him at the same place the next day; which the Chevalier promised to do, +provided Monsieur de Turenne should approve of it, as he made no doubt he +would. + +His reception in the king's army was equally agreeable as that which he +had experienced from the enemy. Monsieur de Turenne esteemed him no less +for his frankness than for the poignancy of his wit: he took it very +kindly that he was the only courtier who came to see him in a time so +critical as the present: the questions which he asked him about the court +were not so much for information, as to divert himself with his manner of +relating their different apprehensions and alarms. The Chevalier de +Grammont advised him to beat the enemy, if he did not choose to be +answerable for an enterprise which he had undertaken without consulting +the Cardinal. Monsieur de Turenne promised him he would exert himself to +the utmost to follow his advice, and assured him, that if he succeeded, +he would make the queen keep her word with him; and concluded with +saying, that he was not sorry the Prince de Conde had expressed a desire +to see him. His measures were taken for an attack upon the lines: on +this subject he discoursed in private with the Chevalier de Grammont, and +concealed nothing from him except the time of execution: but this was all +to no purpose; for the Chevalier had seen too much, not to judge, from +his own knowledge, and the observations he had made, that from the +situation of the army, the attack could be no longer deferred. + +He set out the next day for his rendezvous, attended by a trumpet, and +found the Prince at the place which Monsieur de Lussan had described to +him the evening before. As soon as he alighted: "Is it possible," said +the Prince, embracing him, "that this can be the Chevalier de Grammont, +and that I should see him in the contrary party?" "It is you, my lord, +whom I see there," replied the Chevalier, "and I refer it to yourself, +whether it was the fault of the Chevalier de Grammont, or your own, that +we now embrace different interests." "I must confess," said the Prince, +"that if there are some who have abandoned me like base ungrateful +wretches, you have left me, as I left myself, like a man of honour, who +thinks himself in the right: but let us forget all cause of resentment, +and tell me what was your motive for coming here, you, whom I thought at +Peronne with the court." "Must I tell you?" said he: "why, faith then, +I came to save your life. I know that you cannot help being in the midst +of the enemy in a day of battle; it is only necessary for your horse to +be shot under you, and to be taken in arms, to meet with the same +treatment from this Cardinal, as your uncle Montmorency did from the +other. + + [Henry, Duke of Montmorency, who was taken prisoner first September, + 1692, and had his head struck off at Toulouse in the month of + November following.] + +"I come, therefore, to hold a horse in readiness for you, in case of a +similar misfortune, that you may not lose your head." "It is not the +first time," said the Prince, smiling, "that you have rendered me this +service, though the being taken prisoner at that time could not have been +so dangerous to me as now." + +From this conversation, they passed to more entertaining subjects. The +Prince asked him many questions concerning the court, the ladies, play, +and about his amours; and returning insensibly to the present situation +of affairs, the Chevalier having inquired after some officers of his +acquaintance, who had remained with him, the Prince told him that if he +chose, he might go to the lines, where he would have an opportunity not +only of seeing those whom he inquired after, but likewise the disposition +of the quarters and entrenchments. To this he consented, and the Prince +having shown him all the works and attended him back to their rendezvous, +"Well, Chevalier, said he, "when do you think we shall see you again?" +"Faith," replied he, "you have used me so handsomely, that I shall +conceal nothing from you. Hold yourself in readiness an hour before +daybreak; for, you may depend upon it, we shall attack you to-morrow +morning. I would not have acquainted you with this, perhaps, had I been +entrusted with the secret, but, nevertheless, in the present case you may +believe me." "You are still the same man," said the Prince, again +embracing him. The Chevalier returned to Monsieur de Turenne's camp +towards night; every preparation was then making for the attack of the +lines, and it was no longer a secret among the troops. + +"Well, Monsieur le Chevalier, were they all very glad to see you?" said +Monsieur de Turenne; "the Prince, no doubt, received you with the +greatest kindness, and asked a great number of questions?" "He has shown +me all the civility imaginable," replied the Chevalier; "and, to convince +me he did not take me for a spy, he led me round the lines and +entrenchments, and showed me the preparations he had made for your +reception." "And what is his opinion?" said the Marshal. "He is +persuaded that you will attack him to-night, or to-morrow by daybreak; +for you great captains," continued the Chevalier, "see through each +other's designs in a wonderful manner." + +Monsieur de Turenne, with pleasure, received this commendation from +a man who was not indiscriminately accustomed to bestow praise. He +communicated to him the disposition of the attack; and at the same time +acquainted him, that he was very happy that a man who had seen so many +actions was to be present at this; and that he esteemed it no small +advantage to have the benefit of his advice, but as he believed that the +remaining part of the night would be hardly sufficient for his repose, +after having passed the former without any refreshment, he consigned him +to the Marquis d'Humieres, who provided him with a supper and a lodging. + +The next day the lines of Arras were attacked, wherein Monsieur de +Turenne, being victorious, added additional lustre to his former glory; +and the Prince de Conde, though vanquished, lost nothing of his former +reputation. + +There are so many accounts of this celebrated battle, that to mention it +here would be altogether superfluous. The Chevalier de Grammont, who, +as a volunteer, was permitted to go into every part, has given a better +description of it than any other person. Monsieur de Turenne reaped +great advantage from that activity which never forsook the Chevalier +either in peace or war; and that presence of mind which enabled him to +carry orders, as coming from the general, so very apropos, that Monsieur +de Turenne, otherwise very particular in such matters, thanked him, when +the battle was over, in the presence of all his officers, and despatched +him to court with the first news of his success. + +All that is generally necessary in these expeditions, is to be accustomed +to hard riding, and to be well provided with fresh horses, but he had a +great many other obstacles to surmount. In the first place, the parties +of the enemy were dispersed over all the country, and obstructed his +passage. Then he had to prepare against greedy and officious courtiers, +who, on such occasions, post themselves in all the avenues, in order to +cheat the poor courier out of his news. However, his address preserved +him from the one, and deceived the others. + +He had taken eight or ten troopers, commanded by an officer of his +acquaintance, to escort him half way to Bapaume, being persuaded that the +greatest danger would lie between the camp and the first stage. He had +not proceeded a league before he was convinced of the truth of what he +suspected, and turning to the officer who followed him closely, "If you +are not well mounted," said he, "I would advise you to return to the +camp; for my part, I shall set spurs to my horse, and make the best of +my way." "Sir," said the officer, "I hope I shall be able to keep you +company, at whatever rate you go, until you are out of all danger." +"I doubt that," replied the Chevalier, "for those gentlemen there seem +prepared to pay us a visit." "Don't you see," said the officer, "they +are some of our own people who are grazing their horses?" "No," said the +Chevalier; "but I see very well that they are some of the enemy's +troopers." Upon which, observing to him that they were mounting, he +ordered the horsemen that escorted him to prepare themselves to make a +diversion, and he himself set off full speed towards Bapaume. + +He was mounted upon a very swift English horse; but having entangled +himself in a hollow way where the ground was deep and miry, he soon had +the troopers at his heels, who, supposing him to be some officer of rank, +would not be deceived, but continued to pursue him without paying any +attention to the others. The best mounted of the party began to draw +near him; for the English horses, swift as the wind on even ground, +proceeded but very indifferently in bad roads; the trooper presented his +carbine, and cried out to him, at some distance, "Good quarter." The +Chevalier de Grammont, who perceived that they gained upon him, and that +whatever efforts his horse made in such heavy ground, he must be +overtaken at last, immediately quitted the road to Bapaume, and took a +causeway to the left, which led quite a different way; as soon as he had +gained it, he drew up, as if to hear the proposal of the trooper, which +afforded his horse an opportunity of recovering himself; while his enemy, +mistaking his intention, and thinking that he only waited to surrender, +immediately exerted every effort, that he might take him before the rest +of his companions, who were following, could arrive, and by this means +almost killed his horse. + +One minute's reflection made the Chevalier consider what a disagreeable +adventure it would be, thus coming from so glorious a victory, and the +dangers of a battle so warmly disputed, to be taken by a set of +scoundrels who had not been in it, and, instead of being received in +triumph, and embraced by a great queen, for the important news with +which he was charged, to see himself stripped by the vanquished. + +During this short meditation, the trooper who followed him was arrived +within shot, and still presenting his carbine, offered him good quarter, +but the Chevalier de Grammont, to whom this offer, and the manner in +which it was made, were equally displeasing, made a sign to him to lower +his piece; and perceiving his horse to be in wind, he lowered his hand, +rode off like lightning, and left the trooper in such astonishment that +he even forgot to fire at him. + +As soon as he arrived at Bapaume, he changed horses; the commander of +this place showed him the greatest respect, assuring him that no person +had yet passed; that he would keep the secret, and that he would retain +all that followed him, except the couriers of Monsieur de Turenne. + +He now had only to guard against those who would be watching for him +about the environs of Peronne, to return as soon as they saw him, and +carry his news to court, without being acquainted with any of the +particulars. He knew very well that Marshal du Plessis, Marshal de +Villeroy, and Gaboury, had boasted of this to the Cardinal before his +departure. Wherefore, to elude this snare, he hired two well-mounted +horsemen at Bapaume, and as soon as he had got a league from that place, +and after giving them each two louis d'ors, to secure their fidelity, +he ordered them to ride on before, to appear very much terrified, and to +tell all those who should ask them any questions, "that all was lost, +that the Chevalier de Grammont had stopped at Bapaume, having no great +inclination to be the messenger of ill news; and that as for themselves, +they had been pursued by the enemy's troopers, who were spread over the +whole country since the defeat." + +Everything succeeded to his wish: the horsemen were intercepted by +Gaboury, whose eagerness had outstripped the two marshals'; but whatever +questions were asked them, they acted their parts so well, that Peronne +was already in consternation, and rumours of the defeat were whispered +among the courtiers, when the Chevalier de Grammont arrived. + +Nothing so enhances the value of good news, as when a false alarm of +bad has preceded; yet, though the Chevalier's was accompanied with this +advantage, none but their Majesties received it with that transport of +joy it deserved. + +The queen kept her promise to him in the most fascinating manner: she +embraced him before the whole court; the king appeared no less delighted; +but the Cardinal, whether with the view of lessening the merit of an +action which deserved a handsome reward, or whether it was from a return +of that insolence which always accompanied him in prosperity, appeared at +first not to pay any attention to what he said, and being afterwards +informed that the lines had been forced, that the Spanish army was +beaten, and that Arras was relieved, "Is the Prince de Conde taken?" +said he. "No," replied the Chevalier de Grammont. "He is dead then, I +suppose?" said the Cardinal. "Not so, neither," answered the Chevalier. +"Fine news indeed!" said the Cardinal, with an air of contempt; and at +these words he went into the queen's cabinet with their majesties. And +happy it was for the Chevalier that he did so, for without doubt he would +have given him some severe reply, in resentment for those two fine +questions, and the conclusion he had drawn from them. + +The court was filled with the Cardinal's spies: the Chevalier, as is +usual on such an occasion, was surrounded by a crowd of courtiers and +inquisitive people, and he was very glad to ease himself of some part +of the load which laid heavy on his heart, within the hearing of the +Cardinal's creatures, and which he would perhaps have told him to his +face. "Faith, gentlemen," said he, with a sneer, "there is nothing like +being zealous and eager in the service of kings and great princes: you +have seen what a gracious reception his Majesty has given me; you are +likewise witnesses in what an obliging manner the queen kept her promise +with me; but as for the Cardinal, he has received my news as if he gained +no more by it than he did by the death of Peter Mazarin." + + [Peter Mazarin was father to the Cardinal. He was a native of + Palermo in Sicily, which place he left in order to settle at Rome, + where he died in the year 1654.] + +This was sufficient to terrify all those who were sincerely attached to +him; and the best established fortune would have been ruined at some +period by a jest much less severe: for it was delivered in the presence +of witnesses, who were only desirous of having an opportunity of +representing it in its utmost malignancy, to make a merit of their +vigilance with a powerful and absolute minister. Of this the Chevalier +de Grammont was thoroughly convinced; yet whatever detriment he foresaw +might arise from it, he could not help being much pleased with what he +had said. + +The spies very faithfully discharged their duty: however, the affair took +a very different turn from what they expected. The next day, when the +Chevalier de Grammont was present while their Majesties were at dinner, +the Cardinal came in, and coming up to him, everybody making way for him +out of respect: "Chevalier," said he, "the news which you have brought +is very good, their Majesties are very well satisfied with it; and to +convince you it is more advantageous to me than the death of Peter +Mazarin, if you will come and dine with me we will have some play +together; for the queen will give us something to play for, over and +above her first promise." + +In this manner did the Chevalier de Grammont dare to provoke a powerful +minister, and this was all the resentment which the least vindictive of +all statesmen expressed on the occasion. It was indeed very unusual for +so young a man to reverence the authority of ministers no farther, than +as they were themselves respectable by their merit; for this, his own +breast, as well as the whole court, applauded him, and he enjoyed the +satisfaction of being the only man who durst preserve the least shadow of +liberty, in a general state of servitude; but it was perhaps owing to the +Cardinal's passing over this insult with impunity, that he afterwards +drew upon himself some difficulties, by other rash expressions less +fortunate in the event. + +In the mean time the court returned: the Cardinal, who was sensible that +he could no longer keep his master in a state of tutelage, being himself +worn out with cares and sickness, and having amassed treasures he knew +not what to do with, and being sufficiently loaded with the weight of +public odium, he turned all his thoughts towards terminating, in a manner +the most advantageous for France, a ministry which had so cruelly shaken +that kingdom. Thus, while he was earnestly laying the foundations of a +peace so ardently wished for, pleasure and plenty began to reign at +court. + +The Chevalier de Grammont experienced for a long time a variety of +fortune in love and gaming: he was esteemed by the courtiers, beloved by +beauties whom he neglected, and a dangerous favourite of those whom he +admired; more successful in play than in his amours; but the one +indemnifying him for want of success in the other, he was always full of +life and spirits; and in all transactions of importance, always a man of +honour. + +It is a pity that we must be forced here to interrupt the course of his +history, by an interval of some years, as has been already done at the +commencement of these memoirs. In a life where the most minute +circumstances are always singular and diverting, we can meet with no +chasm which does not afford regret; but whether he did not think them +worthy of holding a place among his other adventures, or that he has only +preserved a confused idea of them, we must pass to the parts of these +fragments which are better ascertained, that we may arrive at the subject +of his journey to England. + +The peace of the Pyrenees, the king's marriage,--the return of the +Prince de Conde, and the death of the Cardinal, gave a new face to the +state. + + [Louis XIV. married Maria Theresa of Austria. She was born 20th + September, 1638, married 1st June, 1660, and entered Paris 26th + August following. She died at Versailles 30th July, 1683, and was + buried at St. Denis.] + +The eyes of the whole nation were fixed upon their king, who, for +nobleness of mien, and gracefulness of person, had no equal; but it was +not then known that he was possessed of those superior abilities, which, +filling his subjects with admiration, in the end made him so formidable +to Europe. Love and ambition, the invisible springs of the intrigues and +cabals of all courts, attentively observed his first steps: pleasure +promised herself an absolute empire over a prince who had been kept in +ignorance of the necessary rules of government, and ambition had no hopes +of reigning in the court except in the minds of those who were able to +dispute the management of affairs; when men were surprised to see the +king on a sudden display such brilliant abilities, which prudence, in +some measure necessary, had so long obliged him to conceal. + +An application, inimical to the pleasures which generally attract that +age, and which unlimited power very seldom refuses, attached him solely +to the cares of government: all admired this wonderful change, but all +did not find their account in it: the great lost their consequence before +an absolute master, and the courtiers approached with reverential awe the +sole object of their respects and the sole master of their fortunes: +those who had conducted themselves like petty tyrants in their provinces, +and on the frontiers, were now no more than governors: favours, according +to the king's pleasure, were sometimes conferred on merit, and sometimes +for services done the state; but to importune, or to menace the court, +was no longer the method to obtain them. + +The Chevalier de Grammont regarded his master's attention to the affairs +of state as a prodigy: he could not conceive how he could submit at his +age to the rules he prescribed himself, or that he should give up so many +hours of pleasure, to devote them to the tiresome duties, and laborious +functions of government; but he blessed the Lord that henceforward no +more homage was to be paid, no more court to be made, but to him alone, +to whom they were justly due. Disdaining as he did the servile adoration +usually paid to a minister, he could never crouch before the power of the +two Cardinals who succeeded each other: he neither worshipped the +arbitrary power of the one, nor gave his approbation to the artifices of +the other; he had never received anything from Cardinal Richelieu but an +abbey, which, on account of his rank, could not be refused him; and he +never acquired anything from Mazarin but what he won of him at play. + +By many years' experience under an able general he had acquired a talent +for war; but this during a general peace was of no further service to +him. He therefore thought that, in the midst of a court flourishing in +beauties and abounding in wealth, he could not employ himself better than +in endeavouring to gain the good opinion of his master, in making the +best use of those advantages which nature had given him for play, and in +putting in practice new stratagems in love. + +He succeeded very well in the two first of these projects, and as he had +from that time laid it down as the rule of his conduct to attach himself +solely to the king in all his views of preferment, to have no regard for +favour unless when it was supported by merit, to make himself beloved by +the courtiers and feared by the minister, to dare to undertake anything +in order to do good, and to engage in nothing at the expense of +innocence, he soon became one in all the king's parties of pleasure, +without gaining the ill will of the courtiers. In play he was +successful, in love unfortunate; or, to speak more properly, his +restlessness and jealousy overcame his natural prudence, in a situation +wherein he had most occasion for it. La Motte Agencourt was one of the +maids of honour to the queen dowager, and, though no sparkling beauty, +she had drawn away lovers from the celebrated Meneville. + + [These two ladies at this period seem to have made a distinguished + figure in the annals of gallantry. One of their contemporaries + mentions them in these terms: "In this case, perhaps, I can give a + better account than most people; as, for instance, they had raised a + report, when the queen-mother expelled Mademoiselle de la Motte + Agencourt, that it was on his score, when I am assured, upon very + good grounds, that it was for entertaining the Marquis de Richelieu + against her majesty's express command. This lady, who was one of + her maids of honour, was a person whom I was particularly acquainted + with; and that so much, as I was supposed to have a passion for her: + she was counted one of the finest women of the court, and therefore + I was not at all displeased to have it thought so; for except + Mademoiselle de Meneville, (who had her admirers,) there was none + that could pretend to dispute it" Memoirs of the Comte de Rochfort, + 1696, p. 210. See also Anquetil, Louis X V1. sa Cour et le Regent, + tome i. p. 46.] + +It was sufficient in those days for the king to cast his eye upon a +young lady of the court to inspire her with hopes, and often with tender +sentiments; but if he spoke to her more than once, the courtiers took it +for granted, and those who had either pretensions to, or love for her, +respectfully withdrew both the one and the other, and afterwards only +paid her respect; but the Chevalier de Grammont thought fit to act quite +otherwise, perhaps to preserve a singularity of character, which upon the +present occasion was of no avail. + +He had never before thought of her, but as soon as he found that she +was honoured with the king's attention, he was of opinion that she was +likewise deserving of his. Having attached himself to her, he soon +became very troublesome, without convincing her he was much in love. +She grew weary of his persecutions, but he would not desist, neither on +account of her ill-treatment nor of her threats. This conduct of his at +first made no great noise, because she was in hopes that he would change +his behaviour; but finding him rashly persist in it, she complained of +him: and then it was that he perceived that if love renders all +conditions equal, it is not so between rivals. He was banished the +court, and not finding any place in France which could console him for +what he most regretted--the presence and sight of his prince--after +having made some slight reflections upon his disgrace, and bestowed +a few imprecations against her who was the cause of it, lie at last +formed the resolution of visiting England. + + + + +ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS: + +As all fools are who have good memories +Better memory for injuries than for benefits +Better to know nothing at all, than to know too much +Envy each other those indulgences which themselves refuse +He as little feared the Marquis as he loved him +Would have been criminal even in chastity to spare (her husband) + + + + + + + MEMOIRS OF COUNT GRAMMONT, VOLUME 3. + + By Anthony Hamilton + + EDITED, WITH NOTES, BY SIR WALTER SCOTT + + + + + CHAPTER SIXTH. + + HIS ARRIVAL AT THE ENGLISH COURT-- + THE VARIOUS PERSONAGES OF THIS COURT + + +Curiosity to see a man equally famous for his crimes and his elevation, +had once before induced the Chevalier de Grammont to visit England. +Reasons of state assume great privileges. Whatever appears advantageous +is lawful, and every thing that is necessary is honourable in politics. +While the King of England sought the protection of Spain in the Low +Countries, and that of the States-General in Holland, other powers sent +splendid embassies to Cromwell. + +This man, whose ambition had opened him a way to sovereign power by the +greatest crimes, maintained himself in it by accomplishments which seemed +to render him worthy of it by their lustre. The nation, of all Europe +the least submissive, patiently bore a yoke which did not even leave her +the shadow of that liberty of which she is so jealous; and Cromwell, +master of the Commonwealth, under the title of Protector, feared at home, +but yet more dreaded abroad, was at his highest pitch of glory when he +was seen by the Chevalier de Grammont; but the Chevalier did not see any +appearance of a court. One part of the nobility proscribed, the other +removed from employments; an affectation of purity of manners, instead of +the luxury which the pomp of courts displays all taken together, +presented nothing but sad and serious objects in the finest city in the +world; and therefore the Chevalier acquired nothing by this voyage but +the idea of some merit in a profligate man, and the admiration of some +concealed beauties he had found means to discover. + +Affairs wore quite a different appearance at his second voyage. The joy +for the restoration of the royal family still appeared in all parts. The +nation, fond of change and novelty, tasted the pleasure of a natural +government, and seemed to breathe again after a long oppression. In +short, the same people who, by a solemn abjuration, had excluded even the +posterity of their lawful sovereign, exhausted themselves in festivals +and rejoicings for his return. + +The Chevalier de Grammont arrived about two years after the restoration. +The reception he met with in this court soon made him forget the other; +and the engagements he in the end contracted in England lessened the +regret he had in leaving France. + +This was a desirable retreat for an exile of his disposition. + +Everything flattered his taste, and if the adventures he had in this +country were not the most considerable, they were at least the most +agreeable of his life. But before we relate them it will not be improper +to give some account of the English court, as it was at that period. + +The necessity of affairs had exposed Charles II. from his earliest youth +to the toils and perils of a bloody war. The fate of the king his father +had left him for inheritance nothing but his misfortunes and disgraces. +They overtook him everywhere; but it was not until he had struggled with +his ill-fortune to the last extremity that he submitted to the decrees of +Providence. + +All those who were either great on account of their birth or their +loyalty had followed him into exile; and all the young persons of the +greatest distinction having afterwards joined him, composed a court +worthy of a better fate. + +Plenty and prosperity, which are thought to tend only to corrupt manners, +found nothing to spoil in an indigent and wandering court. Necessity, on +the contrary, which produces a thousand advantages whether we will or no, +served them for education; and nothing was to be seen among them but an +emulation in glory, politeness, and virtue. + +With this little court, in such high esteem for merit, the King of +England returned two years prior to the period we mention, to ascend a +throne which, to all appearances, he was to fill as worthily as the most +glorious of his predecessors. The magnificence displayed on thus +occasion was renewed at his coronation. + +The death of the Duke of Gloucester, and of the Princess Royal, which +followed soon after, had interrupted the course of this splendour by a +tedious mourning, which they quitted at last to prepare for the reception +of the Infanta of Portugal. + + [The Princess Royal: Mary, eldest daughter of Charles I., born + November 4th, 1631, married to the Prince of Orange, 2nd May, 1641, + who died 27th October, 1650. She arrived in England, September + 23rd, and died of the smallpox, December 24th, 1660,-according to + Bishop Burnet, not much lamented. "She had lived," says the author, + "in her widowhood for some years with great reputation, kept a + decent court, and supported her brothers very liberally; and lived + within bounds. But her mother, who had the art of making herself + believe anything she had a mind to, upon a conversation with the + queen-mother of France, fancied the King of France might be inclined + to marry her. So she wrote to her to come to Paris. In order to + that, she made an equipage far above what she could support. So she + ran herself into debt, sold all her jewels, and some estates that + were in her power as her son's guardian; and was not only + disappointed of that vain expectation, but fell into some + misfortunes that lessened the reputation she had formerly lived in." + History of his Own Times, vol. i., p. 238. She was mother of + William III.] + + ["The Infanta, of Portugal landed in May (1662) at Portsmouth. The + king went thither, and was married privately by Lord Aubigny, a + secular priest, and almoner to the queen, according to the rites of + Rome, in the queen's chamber; none present but the Portuguese + ambassador, three more Portuguese of quality, and two or three + Portuguese women. What made this necessary was, that the Earl of + Sandwich did not marry her by proxy, as usual, before she came away. + How this happened, the duke knows not, nor did the chancellor know + of this private marriage. The queen would not be bedded, till + pronounced man and wife by Sheldon, bishop of London."--Extract 2, + from King James II.'s Journal.--Macpherson's State Papers, vol. i. + In the same collection is a curious letter from the King to Lord + Clarendon, giving his opinion of the queen after having seen her.] + +It was in the height of the rejoicings they were making for this new +queen, in all the splendour of a brilliant court, that the Chevalier de +Grammont arrived to contribute to its magnificence and diversions. + +Accustomed as he was to the grandeur of the court of France, he was +surprised at the politeness and splendour of the court of England. The +king was inferior to none, either in shape or air; his wit was pleasant; +his disposition easy and affable; his soul, susceptible of opposite +impressions, was compassionate to the unhappy, inflexible to the wicked, +and tender even to excess; he showed great abilities in urgent affairs, +but was incapable of application to any that were not so: his heart was +often the dupe, but oftener the slave, of his engagements. + +The character of the Duke of York was entirely different he had the +reputation of undaunted courage, an inviolable attachment for his word, +great economy in his affairs, hauteur, application, arrogance, each in +their turn: a scrupulous observer of the rules of duty and the laws of +justice; he was accounted a faithful friend, and an implacable enemy. + + [James, Duke of York, afterwards King James II. He was born 15th + October, 1633; succeeded his brother 6th February, 1684-5; abdicated + the crown in 1688; and died 6th September, 1701. Bishop Burnet's + character of him appears not very far from the truth.--" He was," + says this writer, "very brave in his youth; and so much magnified by + Monsieur Turenne, that till his marriage lessened him, he really + clouded the king, and passed for the superior genius. He was + naturally candid and sincere, and a firm friend, till affairs and + his religion wore out all his first principles and inclinations. he + had a great desire to understand affairs: and in order to that he + kept a constant journal of all that passed, of which he showed me a + great deal. The Duke of Buckingham gave me once a short but severe + character of the two brothers. It was the more severe, because it + was true: the king, (he said,) could see things if he would: and the + duke would see things if he could. He had no true judgment, and was + soon determined by those whom he trusted: but he was obstinate + against all other advices. He was bred with high notions of kingly + authority, and laid it down for a maxim, that all who opposed the + king were rebels in their hearts. He was perpetually in one amour + or other, without being very nice in his choice: upon which the king + once said, he believed his brother had his mistress given him by his + priests for penance. He was naturally eager and revengeful: and was + against the taking off any, that set up in an opposition to the + measures of the court, and who by that means grew popular in the + house of commons. He was for rougher methods. He continued many + years dissembling his religion, and seemed zealous for the church of + England, but it was chiefly on design to hinder all propositions, + that tended to unite us among ourselves. He was a frugal prince, + and brought his court into method and magnificence, for he had + L100,000. a-year allowed him. He was made high admiral, and he came + to understand all the concerns of the sea very particularly."] + +His morality and justice, struggling for some time with prejudice, had at +last triumphed, by his acknowledging for his wife Miss Hyde, maid of +honour to the Princess Royal, whom he had secretly married in Holland. +Her father, from that time prime minister of England, supported by this +new interest, soon rose to the head of affairs, and had almost ruined +them: not that he wanted capacity, but he was too self-sufficient. + +The Duke of Ormond possessed the confidence and esteem of his master: the +greatness of his services, the splendour of his merit and his birth, and +the fortune he had abandoned in adhering to the fate of his prince, +rendered him worthy of it nor durst the courtiers even murmur at seeing +him grand steward of the household, first lord of the bed-chamber, and +lord-lieutenant of Ireland. He exactly resembled the Marshal de +Grammont, in the turn of his wit and the nobleness of his manners: and +like him was the honour of his master's court. + +The Duke of Buckingham and the Earl of St. Albans were the same in +England as they appeared in France: the one full of wit and vivacity, +dissipated, without splendour, an immense estate upon which he had just +entered: the other, a man of no great genius, had raised himself a +considerable fortune from nothing, and by losing at play, and keeping a +great table, made it appear greater than it was. + + ["The Duke of Buckingham is again one hundred and forty thousand + pounds in debt; and by this prorogation his creditors have time to + tear all his lands to pieces."--Andrew Marvell's Works, 4to. edit., + vol. i. p. 406.] + +Sir George Berkeley, afterwards Earl of Falmouth, was the confidant and +favourite of the King: he commanded the Duke of York's regiment of +guards, and governed the Duke himself. He had nothing very remarkable +either in his wit, or his person; but his sentiments were worthy of the +fortune which awaited him, when, on the very point of his elevation, he +was killed at sea. Never did disinterestedness so perfectly characterise +the greatness of the soul: he had no views but what tended to the glory +of his master: his credit was never employed but in advising him to +reward services, or to confer favours on merit: so polished in +conversation, that the greater his power, the greater was his humility; +and so sincere in all his proceedings, that he would never have been +taken for a courtier. + +The Duke of Ormond's sons and his nephews had been in the king's court +during his exile, and were far from diminishing its lustre after his +return. The Earl of Arran had a singular address in all kinds of +exercises, played well at tennis and on the guitar, and was pretty +successful in gallantry: his elder brother, the Earl of Ossory, was not +so lively, but of the most liberal sentiments, and of great probity. + +The elder of the Hamiltons, their cousin, was the man who of all the +court dressed best: he was well made in his person, and possessed those +happy talents which lead to fortune, and procure success in love: he was +a most assiduous courtier, had the most lively wit, the most polished +manners, and the most punctual attention to his master imaginable: no +person danced better, nor was any one a more general lover: a merit of +some account in a court entirely devoted to love and gallantry. It is +not at all surprising, that with these qualities he succeeded my Lord +Falmouth in the King's favour; but it is very extraordinary that he +should have experienced the same destiny, as if this sort of war had been +declared against merit only, and as if this sort of combat was fatal to +none but such as had certain hopes of a splendid fortune. This, however, +did not happen till some years afterwards. + +The beau Sydney, less dangerous than he appeared to be, + + [Robert Sydney, third son of the Earl of Leicester, and brother of + the famous Algernon Sydney, who was beheaded. This is Lord Orford's + account; though, on less authority, I should have been inclined to + have considered Henry Sydney, his younger brother, who was + afterwards created Earl of Rumney, and died 8th April, 1704, as the + person intended. There are some circumstances which seem + particularly to point to him. Burnet, speaking of him, says, "he + was a, graceful man, and had lived long in the court, where he lead + some adventures that became very public. He was a man of a sweet + and caressing temper, had no malice in his heart, but too great a + love of pleasure. He had been sent envoy to Holland in the year + 1679, where he entered into such particular confidences with the + prince, that he had the highest measure of his trust and favour that + any Englishman ever had."--History of his Own Times, vol. ii., p. + 494. + + In the Essay on Satire, by Dryden and Mulgrave, he is spoken of in + no very decent terms. + + "And little Sid, for simile renown'd, + Pleasure has always sought, but never found + Though all his thoughts on wine and women fall, + His are so bad, sure he ne'er thinks at all. + The flesh he lives upon is rank and strong; + His meat and mistresses are kept too long. + But sure we all mistake this pious man, + Who mortifies his person all he can + What we uncharitably take for sin, + Are only rules of this odd capuchin; + For never hermit, under grave pretence, + Has lived more contrary to common sense." + + These verses, however, have been applied to Sir Charles Sedley, + whose name was originally spelt Sidley. Robert Sydney died at + Pensburst, 1674.] + +had not sufficient vivacity to support the impression which his figure +made; but little Jermyn was on all sides successful in his intrigues. +The old Earl of St. Albans, his uncle, had for a long time adopted him, +though the youngest of all his nephews. It is well known what a table +the good man kept at Paris, while the King his master was starving at +Brussels, and the Queen Dowager, his mistress, lived not over well in +France. + + [To what a miserable state the queen was reduced may be seen in the + following extract from De Retz.-" Four or five days before the king + removed from Paris, I went to visit the Queen of England, whom I + found in her daughter's chamber, who hath been since Duchess of + Orleans. At my coming in she said, 'You see I am come to keep + Henrietta company. The poor child could not rise to-day for want of + a fire.' The truth is, that the cardinal for six months together + had not ordered her any money towards her pension; that no + tradespeople would trust her for anything; and that there was not at + her lodgings in the Louvre one single billet. You will do me the + justice to suppose that the Princess of England did not keep her bed + the next day for want of a faggot; but it was not this which the + Princess of Conde meant in her letter. What she spoke about was, + that some days after my visiting the Queen of England, I remembered + the condition I had found her in, and had strongly represented the + shame of abandoning her in that manner, which caused the parliament + to send 40,000 livres to her majesty. Posterity will hardly believe + that a Princess of England, grand-daughter of Henry the Great, hath + wanted a faggot, in the month of January, to get out of bed in the + Louvre, and in the eyes of a French court. We read in histories, + with horror, of baseness less monstrous than this; and the little + concern I have met with about it in most people's minds, has obliged + me to make, I believe, a thousand times, this reflection,--that + examples of times past move men beyond comparison more than those of + their own times. We accustom ourselves to what we see; and I have + sometimes told you, that I doubted whether Caligula's horse being + made a consul would have surprised us so much as we imagine."-- + Memoirs, vol. i., p. 261. As for the relative situation of the king + and Lord Jermyn, (afterwards St. Albans,) Lord Clarendon says, that + the "Marquis of Ormond was compelled to put himself in prison, with + other gentlemen, at a pistole a-week for his diet, and to walk the + streets a-foot, which was no honourable custom in Paris, whilst the + Lord Jermyn kept an excellent table for those who courted him, and + had a coach of his own, and all other accommodations incident to the + most full fortune: and if the king had the most urgent occasion for + the use but of twenty pistoles, as sometimes he had, he could not + find credit to borrow it, which he often had experiment of."-- + History of the Rebellion, vol. iii., p. 2.] + +Jermyn, supported by his uncle's wealth, found it no difficult matter to +make a considerable figure upon his arrival at the court of the Princess +of Orange: the poor courtiers of the king her brother could not vie with +him in point of equipage and magnificence; and these two articles often +produce as much success in love as real merit: there is no necessity for +any other example than the present; for though Jermyn was brave, and +certainly a gentleman, yet he had neither brilliant actions, nor +distinguished rank, to set him off; and as for his fibre, there was +nothing advantageous in it. He was little: his head was large and his +legs small; his features were not disagreeable, but he was affected in +his carriage and behaviour. All his wit consisted in expressions learnt +by rote, which he occasionally employed either in raillery, or in love. +This was the whole foundation of the merit of a man so formidable in +amours. + +The Princess Royal was the first who was taken with him: Miss Hyde seemed +to be following the steps of her mistress: this immediately brought him +into credit, and his reputation was established in England before his +arrival. Prepossession in the minds of women is sufficient to find +access to their hearts: Jermyn found them in dispositions so favourable +for him, that he had nothing to do but to speak. + +It was in vain they perceived that a reputation so lightly established, +was still more weakly sustained: the prejudice remained: the Countess of +Castlemaine, a woman lively and discerning followed the delusive shadow; +and though undeceived in a reputation which promised so much, and +performed so little, she nevertheless continued in her infatuation: she +even persisted in it, until she was upon the point of embroiling herself +with the King; so great was this first instance of her constancy. + +Such were the heroes of the court. As for the beauties, you could not +look anywhere without seeing them: those of the greatest reputation were +this same Countess of Castlemaine, afterwards Duchess of Cleveland, Lady +Chesterfield, Lady Shrewsbury, the Mrs. Roberts, Mrs. Middleton, the +Misses Brooks, and a thousand others, who shone at court with equal +lustre; but it was Miss Hamilton and Miss Stewart who were its chief +ornaments. + + [Lady Shrewsbury: Anna, Maria, Countess of Shrewsbury, eldest + daughter of Robert Brudenel, Earl of Cardigan, and wife of Francis, + Earl of Shrewsbury, who was killed in a duel by George, Duke of + Buckingham, March 16, 1667. She afterwards re-married with George + Rodney Bridges, Esq., second son of Sir Thomas Bridges of Keynsham, + in Somersetshire, knight, and died April 20, 1702. By her second + husband she had one son, George Rodney Bridges, who died in 1751. + This woman is said to have been so abandoned, as to have held, in + the habit of a page, her gallant, the duke's horse, while he fought + and killed her husband; after which she went to bed with him, + stained with her husband's blood.] + +The new queen gave but little additional brilliancy to the court, either +in her person or in her retinue, which was then composed of the Countess +de Panetra, who came over with her in quality of lady of the bedchamber; +six frights, who called themselves maids of honour, and a duenna, another +monster, who took the title of governess to those extraordinary beauties. + + [Lord Clarendon confirms, in some measure, this account. "There + was a numerous family of men and women, that were sent from + Portugal, the most improper to promote that conformity in the queen + that was necessary for her condition and future happiness that could + be chosen; the women, for the most part, old, and ugly, and proud, + incapable of any conversation with persons of quality and a liberal + education: and they desired, and indeed had conspired so far to + possess the queen themselves, that she should neither learn the + English language, nor use their habit, nor depart from the manners + and fashions of her own country in any particulars: which + resolution," they told, "would be for the dignity of Portugal, and + would quickly induce the English ladies to conform to her majesty's + practice. And this imagination had made that impression, that the + tailor who had been sent into Portugal to make her clothes could + never be admitted to see her, or receive any employment. Nor when + she came to Portsmouth, and found there several ladies of honour and + prime quality to attend her in the places to which they were + assigned by the king, did she receive any of them till the king + himself came; nor then with any grace, or the liberty that belonged + to their places and offices. She could not be persuaded to be + dressed out of the wardrobe that the king had sent to her, but would + wear the clothes which she had brought, until she found that the + king was displeased, and would be obeyed; whereupon she conformed, + against the advice of her women, who continued their opiniatrety, + without any one of them receding from their own mode, which exposed + them the more to reproach."--Continuation of Clarendon's Life, p. + 168. In a short time after their arrival in England, they were + ordered back to Portugal.] + +Among the men were Francisco de Melo, brother to the Countess de Panetra; +one Taurauvedez, who called himself Don Pedro Francisco Correo de Silva, +extremely handsome, but a greater fool than all the Portuguese put +together: he was more vain of his names than of his person; but the Duke +of Buckingham, a still greater fool than he, though more addicted to +raillery, gave him the additional name of Peter of the Wood. He was so +enraged at this, that, after many fruitless complaints and ineffectual +menaces, poor Pedro de Silva was obliged to leave England, while the +happy duke kept possession of a Portuguese nymph more hideous than the +queen's maids of honour, whom he had taken from him, as well as two of +his names. Besides these, there were six chaplains, four bakers, a Jew +perfumer, and a certain officer, probably without an office, who called +himself her highness's barber. Katharine de Braganza was far from +appearing with splendour in the charming court where she came to reign; +however, in the end she was pretty successful. + + [Lord Clarendon says, "the queen had beauty and wit enough to make + herself agreeable to him (the king); and it is very certain, that, + at their first meeting, and for some time after, the King had very + good satisfaction in her. . . . Though she was of years enough + to have had more experience of the world, and of as much wit as + could be wished, and of a humour very agreeable at some seasons, + yet, she had been bred, according to the mode and discipline of her + country, in a monastery, where she had only seen the women who + attended her, and conversed with the religious who resided there; + and, without doubt, in her inclinations, was enough disposed to have + been one of that number: and from this restraint she was called out + to be a great queen, and to a free conversation in a court that was + to be upon the matter new formed, and reduced from the manners of a + licentious age to the old rules and limits which had been observed + in better times; to which regular and decent conformity the present + disposition of men or women was not enough inclined to submit, nor + the king enough disposed to exact."--Continuation of Lord + Clarendon's Life, p. 167. After some struggle, she submitted to the + king's licentious conduct, and from that time lived upon easy terms + with him, until his death. On the 30th March, 1692, she left + Somerset-house, her usual residence, and retired to Lisbon, where + she died, 31st December, 1705, N. S.] + +The Chevalier de Grammont, who had been long known to the royal family, +and to most of the gentlemen of the court, had only to get acquainted +with the ladies; and for this he wanted no interpreter: they all spoke +French enough to explain themselves, and they all understood it +sufficiently to comprehend what he had to say to them. + +The queen's court was always very numerous; that of the duchess was less +so, but more select. This princess had a majestic air, a pretty good +shape, not much beauty, a great deal of wit, and so just a discernment of +merit, that, whoever of either sex were possessed of it, were sure to be +distinguished by her: an air of grandeur in all her actions made her be +considered as if born to support the rank: which placed her so near the +throne. + + ["The Duchess of York," says Bishop Burnet, "was a very + extraordinary woman. She had great knowledge, and a lively sense of + things. She soon understood what belonged to a princess, and took + state on her rather too much. She wrote well, and had begun the + duke's life, of which she showed me a volume. It was all drawn from + his journal; and he intended to have employed me in carrying it on. + She was bred in great strictness in religion, and practised secret + confession. Morley told me he was her confessor. She began at + twelve years old, and continued under his direction till, upon her + father's disgrace, he was put from the court. She was generous and + friendly, but was too severe an enemy."-history of his Own Times, + vol. i., p. 237. She was contracted to the duke at Breda, + November 24, 1659, and married at Worcester-house, 3rd September, + 1660, in the night, between eleven and two, by Dr. Joseph Crowther, + the duke's chaplain; the Lord Ossory giving her in marriage.-- + Kennet's Register, p. 246. She died 31st March, 1671, having + previously acknowledged herself to be a Roman Catholic.--See also + her character by Bishop Morley.--Kennet's Register, p. 385, 390.] + +The queen dowager returned after the marriage of the princess royal, and +it was in her court that the two others met. + +The Chevalier de Grammont was soon liked by all parties those who had not +known him before were surprised to see a Frenchman of his disposition. +The king's restoration having drawn a great number of foreigners from all +countries to the court, the French were rather in disgrace; for, instead +of any persons of distinction having appeared among the first who came +over, they had only seen some insignificant puppies, each striving to +outdo the other in folly and extravagance, despising everything which +was not like themselves, and thinking they introduced the 'bel air', by +treating the English as strangers in their own country. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, on the contrary, was familiar with everybody: +he gave in to their customs, eat of everything, and easily habituated +himself to their manner of living, which he looked upon as neither vulgar +nor barbarous; and as he showed a natural complaisance, instead of the +impertinent affectation of the others, all the nation was charmed with a +man, who agreeably indemnified them for what they had suffered from the +folly of the former. + +He first of all made his court to the king, and was of all his parties +of pleasure: he played high, and lost but seldom: he found so little +difference in the manners and conversation of those with whom he chiefly +associated, that he could scarcely believe he was out of his own country. +Everything which could agreeably engage a man of his disposition, +presented itself to his different humours, as if the pleasures of the +court of France had quitted it to accompany him in his exile. + +He was every day engaged for some entertainment; and those who wished to +regale him in their turn, were obliged to take their measures in time, +and to invite him eight or ten days before hand. These importunate +civilities became tiresome in the long run; but as they seemed +indispensable to a man of his disposition, and as they were the most +genteel people of the court who loaded him with them, he submitted with +a good grace; but always reserved to himself the liberty of supping at +home. + +His supper hour depended upon play, and was indeed very uncertain; +but his supper was always served up with the greatest elegance, by the +assistance of one or two servants, who were excellent caterers and good +attendants, but understood cheating still better. + +The company, at these little entertainments, was not numerous, but +select: the first people of the court were commonly of the party; but the +man, who of all others suited him best on these occasions, never failed +to attend: that was the celebrated Saint Evremond, who with great +exactness, but too great freedom, had written the history of the treaty +of the Pyrenees: an exile like himself, though for very different +reasons. + +Happily for them both, fortune had, some time before the arrival of the +Chevalier de Grammont, brought Saint Evremond to England, after he had +had leisure to repent in Holland of the beauties of that famous satire. + + [Charles de St. Denis, Seigneur de Saint Evremond, was born at St. + Denis le Guast, in Lower Normandy, on the 1st of April, 1613. He + was educated at Paris, with a view to the profession of the law; but + he early quitted that pursuit, and went into the army, where he + signalized himself on several occasions. At the time of the + Pyrenean treaty, he wrote a letter censuring the conduct of Cardinal + Mazarin, which occasioned his being banished France. He first took + refuge in Holland; but, in 1662, he removed into England, where he + continued, with a short interval, during the rest of his life. In + 1675, the Duchess of Mazarin came to reside in England; and with her + St. Evremond passed much of his time. He preserved his health and + cheerfulness to a very great age, and died 9th of September, 1703, + aged ninety years, five months, and twenty days. His biographer + Monsieur Des Maizeaux, describes him thus: "M. de St. Evremond had + blue, lively, and sparkling eyes, a large forehead, thick eyebrows, + a handsome mouth, and a sneering physiognomy. Twenty years before + his death, a wen grew between his eye-brows, which in time increased + to a considerable bigness. He once designed to have it cut off, but + as it was no ways troublesome to him, and he little regarded that + kind of deformity, Dr. Le Fevre advised him to let it alone, lest + such an operation should be attended with dangerous symptoms in a + man of his age. He would often make merry with himself on account + of his wen, his great leather cap, and grey hair, which he chose to + wear rather than a periwig." St. Evremond was a kind of Epicurean + philosopher, and drew his own character in the following terms, in a + letter to Count de Grammont. He was a philosopher equally removed + from superstition and impiety; a voluptuary who had no less aversion + from debauchery than inclination for pleasure: a man who had never + felt the pressure of indigence, and who had never been in possession + of affluence: he lived in a condition despised by those who have + everything, envied by those who have nothing, and relished by those + who make their reason the foundation of their happiness. When he + was young he hated profusion, being persuaded that some degree of + wealth was necessary for the conveniencies of a long life: when he + was old, he could hardly endure economy, being of opinion that want + is little to be dreaded when a man has but little time left to be + miserable. He was well pleased with nature, and did not complain of + fortune. He hated vice, was indulgent to frailties, and lamented + misfortunes. He sought not after the failings of men with a design + to expose them; be only found what was ridiculous in them for his + own amusement: he had a secret pleasure in discovering this himself, + and would, indeed, have had a still greater in discovering this to + others, had not he been checked by discretion. Life, in his + opinion, was too short to read all sorts of books, and to burden + one's memory with a multitude of things, at the expense of one's + judgment. He did not apply himself to the most learned writings, in + order to acquire knowledge, but to the most rational, to fortify his + reason: he sometimes chose the most delicate, to give delicacy to + his own taste, and sometimes the most agreeable, to give the same to + his own genius. It remains that he should be described, such as he + was, in friendship and in religion. In friendship he was more + constant than a philosopher, and more sincere than a young man of + good nature without experience. With regard to religion, his piety + consisted more in justice and charity than in penance or + mortification. He placed his confidence in God, trusting in His + goodness, and hoping that in the bosom of His providence he should + find his repose and his felicity."--He was buried in Westminster + Abbey.] + +The Chevalier was from that time his hero: they had each of them attained +to all the advantages which a knowledge of the world, and the society of +people of fashion, could add to the improvement of good natural talents. +Saint Evremond, less engaged in frivolous pursuits, frequently gave +little lectures to the Chevalier, and by making observations upon the +past, endeavoured to set him right for the present, or to instruct him +for the future. "You are now," said he, "in the most agreeable way of +life a man of your temper could wish for: you are the delight of a +youthful, sprightly, and gallant court: the king has never a party of +pleasure to which you are not admitted. You play from morning to night, +or, to speak more properly, from night to morning, without knowing +what it is to lose. Far from losing the money you brought hither, as you +have done in other places, you have doubled it, trebled it, multiplied it +almost beyond your wishes, notwithstanding the exorbitant expenses you +are imperceptibly led into. This, without doubt, is the most desirable +situation in the, world: stop here, Chevalier, and do not ruin your +affairs by returning to your old sins. Avoid love, by pursuing other +pleasures: love has never been favourable to you. + + ["Saint Evremond and Bussi-Rabutin, who have also written on the + life of the Count de Grammont, agree with Hamilton in representing + him as a man less fortunate in love than at play; not seeking for + any other pleasure in the conquest of a woman but that of depriving + another of her; and not able to persuade any one of his passion, + because he spoke to her, as at all other times, in jest: but cruelly + revenging himself on those who refused to hear him; corrupting the + servants of those whom they did favour, counterfeiting their + handwriting, intercepting their letters, disconcerting their + rendezvous; in one word, disturbing their amours by everything which + a rival, prodigal, indefatigable, and full of artifice, can be + imagined to do. The straitest ties of blood could not secure any + one from his detraction. His nephew, the Count de Guiche, was a + victim: he had in truth, offended the Count de Grammont, by having + supplanted him in the affection of the Countess de Fiesque, whom he + loved afterwards for the space of twelve years. Here was enough to + irritate the self-love of a man less persuaded of his own merit." + Hamilton does not describe the exterior of the count, but accuses + Bussi-Rabutin of having, in the following description, given a more + agreeable than faithful portrait of him: "The chevalier had laughing + eyes, a well-formed nose, a beautiful mouth, a small dimple in the + chin, which had an agreeable effect on his countenance, a certain + delicacy in his physiognomy, and a handsome shape, if he had not + stooped."] + +"You are sensible how much gallantry has cost you; and every person here +is not so well acquainted with that matter as yourself. Play boldly: +entertain the court with your wit: divert the king by your ingenious and +entertaining stories; but avoid all engagements which can deprive you of +this merit, and make you forget you are a stranger and an exile in this +delightful country. + +"Fortune may bow weary of befriending you at play. What would have +become of you, if your last misfortune had happened to you when your +money had been at as low an ebb as I have known it? Attend carefully +then to this necessary deity, and renounce the other. You will be missed +at the court of France before you brow weary of this; but be that as it +may, lay up a good store of money: when a man is rich he consoles himself +for his banishment. I know you well, my dear Chevalier: if you take it +into your head to seduce a lady, or to supplant a lover, your gains at +play will by no means suffice for presents and for bribes: no, let play +be as productive to you as it can be, you will never gain so much by it +as you will lose by love, if you yield to it. + +"You are in possession of a thousand splendid qualifications which +distinguish you here: generous, benevolent, elegant, and polite; and for +your engaging wit, inimitable. Upon a strict examination, perhaps, all +this would not be found literally true; but these are brilliant marks; +and since it is granted that you possess them, do not show yourself here +in any other light: for, in love, if your manner of paying your addresses +can be so denominated, you do not in the least resemble the picture I +have just now drawn." + +"My little philosophical monitor," said the Chevalier de Grammont, "you +talk here as if you were the Cato of Normandy." "Do I say anything +untrue?" replied Saint Evremond: "Is it not a fact, that as soon as a +woman pleases you, your first care is to find out whether she has any +other lover, and your second how to plague her; for the gaining her +affection is the last thing in your thoughts. You seldom engage in +intrigues, but to disturb the happiness of others: a mistress who has no +lovers would have no charms for you, and if she has, she would be +invaluable. Do not all the places through which you have passed furnish +me with a thousand examples? Shall I mention your coup d'essai at Turin? +the trick you played at Fontainebleau, where you robbed the Princess +Palatine's courier upon the highway? and for what purpose was this fine +exploit, but to put you in possession of some proofs of her affection for +another, in order to give her uneasiness and confusion by reproaches and +menaces, which you had no right to use? + +"Who but yourself ever took it into his head to place himself in ambush +upon the stairs, to disturb a man in an intrigue, and to pull him back by +the leg when he was half way up to his mistress's chamber? yet did not +you use your friend the Duke of Buckingham in this manner, when he was +stealing at night to ------ although you were not in the least his rival? +How many spies did not you send out after d'Olonne? + + [Mademoiselle de la Loupe, who is mentioned in De Retz's Memoirs, + vol. iii., p. 95. She married the Count d'Olonne, and became + famous for her gallantries, of which the Count de Bussi speaks so + much, in his History of the Amours of the Gauls. Her maiden name + was Catherine Henrietta d'Angennes, and she was daughter to Charles + d'Angennes, Lord of la Loupe, Baron of Amberville, by Mary du + Raynier. There is a long character of her by St. Evremond, in his + works, vol. i., p. 17. The same writer, mentioning the concern of + some ladies for the death of the Duke of Candale, says, "But his + true mistress (the Countess d'Olonne) made herself famous by the + excess of her affliction, and had, in my opinion, been happy, if she + had kept it on to the last. One amour is creditable to a lady; and + I know not whether it be not more advantageous to their reputation + than never to have been in love."--St. Evremond's works, vol. ii., + p. 24.] + +"How many tricks, frauds, and persecutions, did you not practise for the +Countess de Fiesque, who perhaps might have been constant to you, if you +had not yourself forced her to be otherwise? But, to conclude, for the +enumeration of your iniquities would be endless, give me leave to ask +you, how you came here? Are not we obliged to that same evil genius of +yours, which rashly inspired you to intermeddle even in the gallantries +of your prince? Show some discretion then on this point here, I beseech +you; all the beauties of the court are already engaged; and however +docile the English may be with respect to their wives, they can by no +means bear the inconstancy of their mistresses, nor patiently suffer the +advantages of a rival: suffer them therefore to remain in tranquillity, +and do not gain their ill-will for no purpose. + +"You certainly will meet with no success with such as are unmarried: +honourable views, and good landed property, are required here; and you +possess as much of the one as the other. Every country has its customs: +in Holland, unmarried ladies are of easy access, and of tender +dispositions; but as soon as ever they are married, they become like so +many Lucretias: in France, the women are great coquettes before marriage, +and still more so afterwards; but here it is a miracle if a young lady +yields to any proposal but that of matrimony and I do not believe you yet +so destitute of grace as to think of that." + +Such were Saint Evremond's lectures; but they were all to no purpose: the +Chevalier de Grammont only attended to them for his amusement; and though +he was sensible of the truth they contained, he paid little regard to +them: in fact, being weary of the favours of fortune, he had just +resolved to pursue those of love. + +Mrs. Middleton was the first whom he attacked: she was one of the +Handsomest women in town, though then little known at court: so much of +the coquette as to discourage no one; and so great was her desire of +appearing magnificently, that she was ambitious to vie with those of the +greatest fortunes, though unable to support the expense. All this suited +the Chevalier de Grammont; therefore, without trifling away his time in +useless ceremonies, he applied to her porter for admittance, and chose +one of her lovers for his confidant. + +This lover, who was not deficient in wit, was at that time a Mr. Jones, +afterwards Earl of Ranelagh: what engaged him to serve the Chevalier de +Grammont, was to traverse the designs of a most dangerous rival, and to +relieve himself from an expense which began to lie too heavy upon him. +In both respects the Chevalier answered his purpose. + +Immediately spies were placed, letters and presents flew about: he was +received as well as he could wish: he was permitted to ogle: he was even +ogled again; but this was all. He found that the fair one was very +willing to accept, but was tardy in making returns. This induced him, +without giving up his pretensions to her, to seek his fortune elsewhere. + +Among the queen's maids of honour, there was one called Warmestre: she +was a beauty very different from the other. Mrs. Middleton was well +made, fair, and delicate; but had in her behaviour and discourse +something precise and affected. The indolent languishing airs she gave +herself did not please everybody: people grew weary of those sentiments +of delicacy, which she endeavoured to explain without understanding them +herself; and instead of entertaining she became tiresome. In these +attempts she gave herself so much trouble, that she made the company +uneasy, and her ambition to pass for a wit, only established her the +reputation of being tiresome, which lasted much longer than her beauty. + +Miss Warmestre was brown: she had no shape at all, and still less air; +but she had a very lively complexion, very sparkling eyes, tempting +looks, which spared nothing that might ensnare a lover, and promised +everything which could preserve him. In the end, it very plainly +appeared that her consent went along with her eyes to the last degree of +indiscretion. + +It was between these two goddesses that the inclinations of the Chevalier +de Grammont stood wavering, and between whom his presents were divided. +Perfumed gloves, pocket looking-glasses, elegant boxes, apricot paste, +essences, and other small wares of love, arrived every week from Paris, +with some new suit for himself; but, with regard to more solid presents, +such as ear-rings, diamonds, brilliants, and bright guineas, all this was +to be met with of the best sort in London, and the ladies were as well +pleased with them as if they had been brought from abroad. + +Miss Stewart's beauty began at this time to be celebrated. + + [Frances, Duchess of Richmond, daughter of Walter Stewart, son of + Walter, Baron of Blantyre, and wife of Charles Stewart, Duke of + Richmond and Lennox: a lady of exquisite beauty, if justly + represented in a puncheon made by Roettiere, his majesty's engraver + of the mint, in order to strike a medal of her, which exhibits the + finest face that perhaps was ever seen. The king was supposed to be + desperately in love with her; and it became common discourse, that + there was a design on foot to get him divorced from the queen, in + order to marry this lady. Lord Clarendon was thought to have + promoted the match with the Duke of Richmond, thereby to prevent the + other design, which he imagined would hurt the king's character, + embroil his affairs at present, and entail all the evils of a + disputed succession on the nation. Whether he actually encouraged + the Duke of Richmond's marriage, doth not appear; but it is certain + that he was so strongly possessed of the king's inclination to a + divorce, that, even after his disgrace, he was persuaded the Duke of + Buckingham had under taken to carry that matter through the + parliament. It is certain too that the king considered him as the + chief promoter of Miss Stewart's marriage, and resented it in the + highest degree. (See Pepys' Diaries. DW) The ceremony took place + privately, and it was publicly declared in April, 1667. From one of + Sir Robert Southwell's dispatches, dated Lisbon, December ?/12, + 1667, it appears that the report of the queen's intended divorce had + not then subsided in her native country.--History of the Revolutions + of Portugal, 1740, p. 352. The duchess became a widow in 1672, and + died October 15, 1702. See Burnet's History, Ludlow's Memoirs, and + Carte's Life of the Duke of Ormond. A figure in wax of this duchess + is still to be seen in Westminster-abbey.] + +The Countess of Castlemaine perceived that the king paid attention to +her; but, instead of being alarmed at it, she favoured, as far as she was +able, this new inclination, whether from an indiscretion common to all +those who think themselves superior to the rest of mankind, or whether +she designed, by this pastime, to divert the king's attention from the +commerce which she held with Jermyn. She was not satisfied with +appearing without any degree of uneasiness at a preference which all +the court began to remark: she even affected to make Miss Stewart her +favourite, and invited her to all the entertainments she made for the +king; and, in confidence of her own charms, with the greatest +indiscretion, she often kept her to sleep. The king, who seldom +neglected to visit the countess before she rose, seldom failed likewise +to find Miss Stewart in bed with her. The most indifferent objects have +charms in a new attachment: however, the imprudent countess was not +jealous of this rival's appearing with her, in such a situation, being +confident, that whenever she thought fit, she could triumph over all the +advantages which these opportunities could afford Miss Stewart; but she +was quite mistaken. + +The Chevalier de Grammont took notice of this conduct, without being able +to comprehend it; but, as he was attentive to the inclinations of the +king, he began to make his court to him, by enhancing the merit of this +new mistress. Her figure was more showy than engaging: it was hardly +possible for a woman to have less wit, or more beauty: all her features +were fine and regular; but her shape was not good: yet she was slender, +straight enough, and taller than the generality of women: she was very +graceful, danced well, and spoke French better than her mother tongue: +she was well bred, and possessed, in perfection, that air of dress which +is so much admired, and which cannot be attained, unless it be taken when +young, in France. While her charms were gaining ground in the king's +heart, the Countess of Castlemaine amused herself in the gratification of +all her caprices. + +Mrs. Hyde was one of the first of the beauties who were prejudiced with +a blind prepossession in favour of Jermyn she had just married a man whom +she loved: by this marriage she became sister-in-law to the duchess, +brilliant by her own native lustre, and full of pleasantry and wit. +However, she was of opinion, that so long as she was not talked of on +account of Jermyn, all her other advantages would avail nothing for her +glory: it was, therefore, to receive this finishing stroke, that she +resolved to throw herself into his arms. + +She was of a middle size, had a skin of a dazzling whiteness, fine hands, +and a foot surprisingly beautiful, even in England: long custom had given +such a languishing tenderness to her looks, that she never opened her +eyes but like a Chinese; and, when she ogled, one would have thought she +was doing something else. + +Jermyn accepted of her at first; but, being soon puzzled what to do with +her, he thought it best to sacrifice her to Lady Castlemaine. The +sacrifice was far from being displeasing to her; it was much to her glory +to have carried off Jermyn from so many competitors; but this was of no +consequence in the end. + +Jacob Hall (the famous rope-dancer) was at that time in vogue in London; +his strength and agility charmed in public, even to a wish to know what +he was in private; for he appeared, in his tumbling dress, to be quite of +a different make, and to have limbs very different from the fortunate +Jermyn. + + ["There was a symmetry and elegance, as well as strength and + agility, in the person of Jacob Hall, which was much admired by the + ladies, who regarded him as a due composition of Hercules and + Adonis. The open-hearted Duchess of Cleveland was said to have been + in love with this rope-dancer and Goodman the player at the same + time. The former received a salary from her grace."--Granger, vol. + ii., part 2, p. 461. In reference to the connection between the + duchess and the ropedancer, Mr. Pope introduced the following lines + into his "Sober Advice from Horace:" + + "What push'd poor E--s on th' imperial whore? + 'Twas but to be where Charles had been before, + The fatal steel unjustly was apply'd, + When not his lust offended, but his pride + Too hard a penance for defeated sin, + Himself shut out, and Jacob Hall let in."] + +The tumbler did not deceive Lady Castlemaine's expectations, if report +may be believed; and as was intimated in many a song, much more to the +honour of the rope-dancer than of the countess; but she despised all +these rumours, and only appeared still more handsome. + +While satire thus found employment at her cost, there were continual +contests for the favours of another beauty, who was not much more +niggardly in that way than herself; this was the Countess of Shrewsbury. + +The Earl of Arran, who had been one of her first admirers, was not one of +the last to desert her; this beauty, less famous for her conquests than +for the misfortunes she occasioned, placed her greatest merits in being +more capricious than any other. As no person could boast of being the +only one in her favour; so no person could complain of having been ill +received. + +Jermyn was displeased that she had made no advances to him, without +considering that she had no leisure for it; his pride was offended; but +the attempt which he made to take her from the rest of her lovers was +very ill-advised. + +Thomas Howard, brother to the Earl of Carlisle, was one of them; there +was not a braver, nor a more genteel man in England; and though he was +of a modest demeanour, and his manners appeared gentle and pacific, no +person was more spirited nor more passionate. Lady Shrewsbury, +inconsiderately returning the first ogles of the invincible Jermyn, did +not at all make herself more agreeable to Howard; that, however, she paid +little attention to; yet, as she designed to keep fair with him, she +consented to accept an entertainment which he had often proposed, and +which she durst no longer refuse. A place of amusement, called Spring +Garden,--was fixed upon for the scene of this entertainment. + +As soon as the party was settled, Jermyn was privately informed of it. +Howard had a company in the regiment of guards, and one of the soldiers +of his company played pretty well on the bagpipes; this soldier was +therefore at the entertainment. Jermyn was at the garden, as by chance; +and, puffed up with his former successes, he trusted to his victorious +air for accomplishing this last enterprise; he no sooner appeared on the +walks, than her ladyship showed herself upon the balcony. + +I know not how she stood affected to her hero; but Howard did not fancy +him much; this did not prevent his coming up stairs upon the first sign +she made to him; and not content with acting the petty tyrant, at an +entertainment not made for himself, no sooner had he gained the soft +looks of the fair one, than he exhausted all his common-place, and all +his stock of low irony, in railing at the entertainment, and ridiculing +the music. + + [Spring Garden: They stay there so long as if they wanted not time + to finish the race; for it is usual here to find some of the young + company till midnight; and the thickets of the garden seem to be + contrived to all advantages of gallantry, after they have refreshed + with the collation, which is here seldom omitted, at a certain + cabaret, in the middle of this paradise, where the forbidden fruits + are certain trifling tarts, newts' tongues, spacious meats, and bad + Rhenish, for which the gallants pay sauce, as indeed they do at all + such houses throughout England; for they think it a piece of + frugality beneath them to bargain or account for what they eat in + any place, however unreasonably imposed upon.''-Character of + England, 12mo., 1659, p. 56, written, it is said, by John Evelyn, + Esq. Spring Garden is the scene of intrigue in many of our comedies + of this period.] + +Howard possessed but little raillery, and still less patience; three +times was the banquet on the point of being stained with blood; but three +times did he suppress his natural impetuosity, in order to satisfy his +resentment elsewhere with greater freedom. + +Jermyn, without paying the least attention to his ill-humour, pursued his +point, continued talking to Lady Shrewsbury, and did not leave her until +the repast was ended. + +He went to bed, proud of this triumph, and was awakened next morning by a +challenge. He took for his second Giles Rawlings, a man of intrigue, and +a deep player. Howard took Dillon, who was dexterous and brave, much of +a gentleman, and, unfortunately, an intimate friend to Rawlings. + +In this duel fortune did not side with the votaries of love poor Rawlings +was left stone dead; and Jermyn, having received three wounds, was +carried to his uncle's, with very little signs of life. + +While the report of this event engaged the courtiers according to their +several interests, the Chevalier de Grammont was informed by Jones, his +friend, his confidant, and his rival, that there was another gentleman +very attentive to Mrs. Middleton: this was Montagu, no very dangerous +rival on account of his person, but very much to be feared for his +assiduity, the acuteness of his wit, and for some other talents which are +of importance, when a man is once permitted to display them. + +There needed not half so much to bring into action all the Chevalier's +vivacity, in point of competition: vexation awakened in him whatever +expedients the desire of revenge, malice, and experience, could suggest, +for troubling the designs of a rival, and tormenting a mistress. His +first intention was to return her letters, and demand his presents, +before he began to tease her; but, rejecting this project, as too weak a +revenge for the injustice done him, he was upon the point of conspiring +the destruction of poor Mrs. Middleton, when, by accident, he met with +Miss Hamilton. From this moment ended all his resentment against Mrs. +Middleton, and all his attachment to Miss Warmestre: no longer was he +inconstant: no longer were his wishes fluctuating: this object fixed them +all; and, of all his former habits, none remained, except uneasiness and +jealousy. + +Here his first care was to please; but he very plainly saw, that to +succeed he must act quite in a different manner to that which he had been +accustomed to. + +The family of the Hamiltons, being very numerous, lived in a large and +commodious house, near the court: the Duke of Ormond's family was +continually with them; and here persons of the greatest distinction in +London, constantly met: the Chevalier de Grammont was here received in a +manner agreeable to his merit and quality, and was astonished that he had +spent so much time in other places; for, after having made this +acquaintance, he was desirous of no other. + +All the world agreed that Miss Hamilton was worthy of the most ardent and +sincere affection: nobody could boast a nobler birth, nothing was more +charming than her person. + + [Elizabeth, sister of the author of these Memoirs, and daughter of + Sir George Hamilton, fourth son of James, the first Earl of + Abercorn, by Mary, third daughter of Thomas, Viscount Thurles, + eldest son of Walter, eleventh Earl of Ormond, and sister to James, + the first Duke of Ormond. She married Philibert, Count of Grammont, + the hero of these Memoirs, by whom she had two daughters: Claude + Charlotte, married, 3rd April, 1694, to Henry, Earl of Stafford; and + another, who became superior, or abbess, of the Canonesses in + Lorraine.] + + + + + CHAPTER SEVENTH. + + HE FALLS IN LOVE WITH MISS HAMILTON--VARIOUS ADVENTURES + AT THE BALL IN THE QUEEN'S DRAWING-ROOM--CURIOUS VOYAGE + OF HIS VALET-DE-CHAMBRE TO AND FROM PARIS. + + +The Chevalier de Grammont, never satisfied in his amours, was fortunate +without being beloved, and became jealous without having an attachment. + +Mrs. Middleton, as we have said, was going to experience what methods he +could invent to torment, after having experienced his powers of pleasing. + +He went in search of her to the queen's drawing-room, where there was a +ball; there she was; but fortunately for her, Miss Hamilton was there +likewise. It had so happened, that of all the beautiful women at Court, +this was the lady whom he had least seen, and whom he had heard most +commended; this, therefore, was the first time that he had a close view +of her, and he soon found that he had seen nothing at court before this +instant; he asked her some questions, to which she replied; as long as +she was dancing, his eyes were fixed upon her; and from this time he no +longer resented Mrs. Middleton's conduct. Miss Hamilton was at the happy +age when the charms of the fair sex begin to bloom; she had the finest +shape, the loveliest neck, and most beautiful arms in the world; she was +majestic and graceful in all her movements; and she was the original +after which all the ladies copied in their taste and air of dress. Her +forehead was open, white, and smooth; her hair was well set, and fell +with ease into that natural order which it is so difficult to imitate. +Her complexion was possessed of a certain freshness, not to be equalled +by borrowed colours: her eyes were not large, but they were lively, and +capable of expressing whatever she pleased: her mouth was full of graces, +and her contour uncommonly perfect; nor was her nose, which was small, +delicate, and turned up, the least ornament of so lovely a face. In +fine, her air, her carriage, and the numberless graces dispersed over her +whole person, made the Chevalier de Grammont not doubt but that she was +possessed of every other qualification. Her mind was a proper companion +for such a form: she did not endeavour to shine in conversation by those +sprightly sallies which only puzzle; and with still greater care she +avoided that affected solemnity in her discourse, which produces +stupidity; but, without any eagerness to talk, she just said what she +ought, and no more. She had an admirable discernment in distinguishing +between solid and false wit; and far from making an ostentatious display +of her abilities, she was reserved, though very just in her decisions: +her sentiments were always noble, and even lofty to the highest extent, +when there was occasion; nevertheless, she was less prepossessed with her +own merit than is usually the case with those who have so much. Formed, +as we have described, she could not fail of commanding love; but so far +was she from courting it, that she was scrupulously nice with respect to +those whose merit might entitle them to form any pretensions to her. + +The more the Chevalier de Grammont was convinced of these truths, +the more did he endeavour to please and engage her in his turn: his +entertaining wit, his conversation, lively, easy, and always +distinguished by novelty, constantly gained him attention; but he was +much embarrassed to find that presents, which so easily made their way in +his former method of courtship, were no longer proper in the mode which, +for the future, he was obliged to pursue. + +He had an old valet-de-chambre, called Termes, a bold thief, and a still +more impudent liar: he used to send this man from London every week, on +the commissions we have before mentioned; but after the disgrace of Mrs. +Middleton, and the adventure of Miss Warmestre, Mr. Termes was only +employed in bringing his master's clothes from Paris, and he did not +always acquit himself with the greatest fidelity in that employment, as +will appear hereafter. + +The queen was a woman of sense, and used all her endeavours to please the +king, by that kind obliging behaviour which her affection made natural to +her: she was particularly attentive in promoting every sort of pleasure +and amusement especially such as she could be present at herself. + +She had contrived, for this purpose, a splendid masquerade, where those, +whom she appointed to dance, had to represent different nations; she +allowed some time for preparation, during which we may suppose, the +tailors, the mantua makers, and embroiderers, were not idle: nor were the +beauties, who were to be there, less anxiously employed; however, Miss +Hamilton found time enough to invent two or three little tricks, in a +conjuncture so favourable, for turning into ridicule the vain fools of +the court. There were two who were very eminently such: the one was Lady +Muskerry, who had married her cousin-german; and the other a maid of +honour to the Duchess, called Blague. + +The first, whose husband most assuredly never married her for beauty, +was made like the generality of rich heiresses, to whom just nature seems +sparing of her gifts, in proportion as they are loaded with those of +fortune: she had the shape of a woman big with child, without being so; +but had a very good reason for limping; for, of two legs uncommonly +short, one was much shorter than the other. A face suitable to this +description gave the finishing stroke to this disagreeable figure. + +Miss Blague was another species of ridicule: her shape was neither good +nor bad: her countenance bore the appearance of the greatest insipidity, +and her complexion was the same all over; with two little hollow eyes, +adorned with white eye-lashes, as long as one's finger. With these +attractions she placed herself in ambuscade to surprise unwary hearts; +but she might have done so in vain, had it not been for the arrival of +the Marquis de Brisacier. Heaven seemed to have made them for each +other: he had in his person and manners every requisite to dazzle a +creature of her character he talked eternally, without saying anything, +and in his dress exceeded the most extravagant fashions. Miss Blague +believed that all this finery was on her account; and the Marquis +believed that her long eyelashes had never taken aim at any but himself: +everybody perceived their inclination for each other; but they had only +conversed by mute interpreters, when Miss Hamilton took it into her head +to intermeddle in their affairs. + +She was willing to do everything in order, and therefore began with her +cousin Muskerry, on account of her rank. Her two darling foibles were +dress and dancing. Magnificence of dress was intolerable with her +figure; and though her dancing was still more insupportable, she never +missed a ball at court: and the queen had so much complaisance for the +public, as always to make her dance; but it was impossible to give her a +part in an entertainment so important and splendid as this masquerade: +however, she was dying with impatience for the orders she expected. + +It was in consequence of this impatience, of which Miss Hamilton was +informed, that she founded the design of diverting herself at the expense +of this silly woman. The queen sent notes to those whom she appointed to +be present, and described the manner in which they were to be dressed. +Miss Hamilton wrote a note exactly in the same manner to Lady Muskerry, +with directions for her to be dressed in the Babylonian fashion. + +She assembled her counsel to advise about the means of sending it: this +cabinet was composed of one of her brothers and a sister, who were glad +to divert themselves at the expense of those who deserved it. After +having consulted some time, they at last resolved upon a mode of +conveying it into her own hands. Lord Muskerry was just going out, when +she received it: he was a man of honour, rather serious, very severe, and +a mortal enemy to ridicule. His wife's deformity was not so intolerable +to him, as the ridiculous figure she made upon all occasions. He thought +that he was safe in the present case, not believing that the queen would +spoil her masquerade by naming Lady Muskerry as one of the dancers +nevertheless, as he was acquainted with the passion his wife had to +expose herself in public, by her dress and dancing, he had just been +advising her very seriously to content herself with being a spectator +of this entertainment, even though the queen should have the cruelty +to engage her in it: he then took the liberty to show her what little +similarity there was between her figure, and that of persons to whom +dancing and magnificence in dress were allowable. His sermon concluded +at last, by an express prohibition to solicit a place at this +entertainment, which they had no thoughts of giving her; but far from +taking his advice in good part, she imagined that he was the only person +who had prevented the queen from doing her an honour she so ardently +desired; and as soon as he was gone out, her design was to go and throw +herself at her Majesty's feet to demand justice. She was in this very +disposition when she received the billet: three times did she kiss it; +and without regarding her husband's injunctions, she immediately got into +her coach in order to get information of the merchants who traded to the +Levant, in what manner the ladies of quality dressed in Babylon. + +The plot laid for Miss Blague was of a different kind: she had such faith +in her charms, and was so confident of their effects, that she could +believe anything. Brisacier, whom she looked upon as desperately +smitten, had wit, which he set off with common-place talk, and with +little sonnets: he sung out of tune most methodically, and was +continually exerting one or other of these happy talents: the Duke of +Buckingham did all he could to spoil him, by the praises he bestowed both +upon his voice and upon his wit. + +Miss Blague, who hardly understood a word of French, regulated herself +upon the Duke's authority, in admiring the one and the other. It was +remarked, that all the words which he sung to her were in praise of fair +women, and that always taking this to herself, she cast down her eyes in +acknowledgment and consciousness. It was upon these observations they +resolved to make a jest of her, the first opportunity. + +While these little projects were forming, the king, who always wished to +oblige the Chevalier de Grammont, asked him, if he would make one at the +masquerade, on condition of being Miss Hamilton's partner? He did not +pretend to dance sufficiently well for an occasion like the present; yet +he was far from refusing the offer: "Sire," said he, "of all the favours +you have been pleased to show me, since my arrival, I feel this more +sensibly than any other; and to convince you of my gratitude, I promise +you all the good offices in my power with Miss Stewart." He said this, +because they had just given her an apartment separate from the rest of +the maids of honour, which made the courtiers begin to pay respect to +her. The king was very well pleased at this pleasantry, and having +thanked him for so necessary an offer: "Monsieur le Chevalier," said he, +"in what style do you intend to dress yourself for the ball? I leave you +the choice of all countries." "If so," said the Chevalier, "I will dress +after the French manner, in order to disguise myself; for they already do +me the honour to take me for an Englishman in your city of London. Had +it not been for this, I should have wished to have appeared as a Roman; +but for fear of embroiling myself with Prince Rupert, who so warmly +espouses the interests of Alexander against Lord Thanet, who declares +himself for Caesar, I dare no longer think of assuming the hero: +nevertheless, though I may dance awkwardly, yet, by observing the tune, +and with a little alertness, I hope to come off pretty well; besides, +Miss Hamilton will take care that too much attention shall not be paid to +me. As for my dress, I shall send Termes off tomorrow morning; and if I +do not show you at his return the most splendid habit you have ever seen, +look upon mine as the most disgraced nation in your masquerade." + +Termes set out with ample instructions, on the subject of his journey: +and his master, redoubling his impatience on an occasion like the +present, before the courier could be landed, began to count the minutes +in expectation of his return: thus was he employed until the very eve of +the ball; and that was the day that Miss Hamilton and her little society +had fixed for the execution of their project. + +Martial gloves were then very much in fashion: she had by chance several +pairs of them: she sent one to Miss Blague, accompanied with four yards +of yellow riband, the palest she could find, to which she added this +note: + +"You were the other day more charming than all the fair women in the +world: you looked yesterday still more fair than you did the day before: +if you go on, what will become of my heart? But it is a long time since +that has been a prey to your pretty little young wild boar's eyes. Shall +you be at the masquerade to-morrow? But can there be any charms at an +entertainment, at which you are not present? It does not signify: I +shall know you in whatever disguise you may be: but I shall be better +informed of my fate, by the present I send you: you will wear knots of +this riband in your hair; and these gloves will kiss the most beautiful +hands in the universe." + +This billet, with the present, was delivered to Miss Blague with the same +success as the other had been conveyed to Lady Muskerry. Miss Hamilton +had just received an account of it, when the latter came to pay her a +visit: something seemed to possess her thoughts very much; when, having +stayed some time, her cousin desired her to walk into her cabinet. As +soon as they were there: "I desire your secrecy for what I am going to +tell you," said Lady Muskerry. "Do not you wonder what strange creatures +men are? Do not trust to them, my dear cousin: my Lord Muskerry, who, +before our marriage, could have passed whole days and nights in seeing me +dance, thinks proper now to forbid me dancing, and says it does not +become me. This is not all: he has so often rung in my ears the subject +of this masquerade, that I am obliged to hide from him the honour the +queen has done me, in inviting me to it. However, I am surprised I am +not informed who is to be my partner: but if you knew what a plague it +is, to find out, in this cursed town, in what manner the people of +Babylon dress, you would pity me for what I have suffered since the time +I have been appointed: besides, the cost which it puts me to is beyond +all imagination." + +Here it was that Miss Hamilton's inclination to laugh, which had +increased in proportion as she endeavoured to suppress it, at length +overcame her, and broke out in an immoderate fit: Lady Muskerry took it +in good humour, not doubting but it was the fantastical conduct of her +husband that she was laughing at. Miss Hamilton told her that all +husbands were much the same, and that one ought not to be concerned at +their whims; that she did not know who was to be her partner at the +masquerade; but that, as she was named, the gentleman named with her +would certainly not fail to attend her; although she could not comprehend +why he had not yet declared himself, unless he likewise had some +fantastical spouse, who had forbid him to dance. + +This conversation being finished, Lady Muskerry went away in great haste, +to endeavour to learn some news of her partner. Those who were +accomplices in the plot were laughing very heartily at this visit, when +Lord Muskerry paid them one in his turn, and taking Miss Hamilton aside: +"Do you know," said he, "whether there is to be any ball in the city +tomorrow?" "No," said she; "but why do you ask?" "Because." said he, +"I am informed that my wife is making great preparations of dress. I +know very well she is not to be at the masquerade: that I have taken care +of; but as the devil is in her for dancing, I am very much afraid that +she will be affording some fresh subject for ridicule, notwithstanding +all my precautions: however, if it was amongst the citizens, at some +private party, I should not much mind it." + +They satisfied him as well as they could, and having dismissed him, under +pretence of a thousand things they had to prepare for the next day, Miss +Hamilton thought herself at liberty for that morning, when in came Miss +Price, one of the maids of honour to the Duchess. This was just what she +was wishing for: This lady and Miss Blague had been at variance some +time, on account of Duncan, whom Miss Price had drawn away from the +other; and hatred still subsisted between these two divinities. + +Though the maids of honour were not nominated for the masquerade, yet +they were to assist at it; and, consequently, were to neglect nothing to +set themselves off to advantage. Miss Hamilton had still another pair of +gloves of the same sort as those she had sent to Miss Blague, which she +made a present of to her rival, with a few knots of the same riband, +which appeared to have been made on purpose for her, brown as she was. +Miss Price returned her a thousand thanks, and promised to do herself the +honour of wearing them at the ball. "You will oblige me if you do," said +Miss Hamilton, "but if you mention that such a trifle as this comes from +me, I shall never forgive you; but," continued she, "do not go and rob +poor Miss Blague of the Marquis Brisacier, as you already have of Duncan: +I know very well that it is wholly in your power: you have wit: you speak +French: and were he once to converse with you ever so little the other +could have no pretensions to him." This was enough: Miss Blague was only +ridiculous and coquettish: Miss Price was ridiculous, coquettish, and +something else besides. + +The day being come, the court, more splendid than ever, exhibited all its +magnificence at this masquerade. The company were all met except the +Chevalier de Grammont: every body was astonished that he should be one +of the last at such a time, as his readiness was so remarkable on every +occasion; but they were still more surprised to see him at length appear +in an ordinary court-dress, which he had worn before. The thing was +preposterous on such an occasion, and very extraordinary with respect to +him: in vain had he the finest point-lace, with the largest and best +powdered peruke imaginable his dress, magnificent enough for any other +purpose, was not at all proper for this entertainment. + +The king immediately took notice of it: "Chevalier," said he, "Termes is +not arrived then?" "Pardon me, sire," said he, "God be thanked!" "Why +God be thanked?" said the king; "has anything happened to him on the +road?" "Sire," said the Chevalier de Grammont, "this is the history of +my dress, and of Termes, my messenger." At these words the ball, ready +to begin, was suspended: the dancers making a circle around the Chevalier +de Grammont, he continued his story in the following manner: + +"It is now two days since this fellow ought to have been here, according +to my orders and his protestations: you may judge of my impatience all +this day, when I found he did not come: at last, after I had heartily +cursed him, about an hour ago he arrived, splashed all over from head to +foot, booted up to the waist, and looking as if he had been +excommunicated 'Very well, Mr. Scoundrel,' said I, 'this is just like +you, you must be waited for to the very last minute, and it is a miracle +that you are arrived at all.' 'Yes, faith,' said he, 'it is a miracle. +You are always grumbling: I had the finest suit in the world made for +you, which the Duke de Guise himself was at the trouble of ordering.' +'Give it me then, scoundrel,' said I. 'Sir,' said he, 'if I did not +employ a dozen embroiderers upon it, who did nothing but work day and +night, I am a rascal: I never left them one moment: 'And where is it +traitor?' said I: 'do not stand here prating, while I should be +dressing.' 'I had,' continued he, 'packed it up, made it tight, and +folded it in such a manner, that all the rain in the world could never +have been able to reach it; and I rid post, day and night, knowing your +impatience, and that you were not to be trifled with.' 'But where is +it?' said I. 'Lost, sir,' said he, clasping his hands. 'How! lost,' +said I, in surprise. 'Yes, lost, perished, swallowed up: what can I say +more?' 'What! was the packet-boat cast away then?' said I. 'Oh! +indeed, sir, a great deal worse, as you shall see,' answered he: 'I was +within half a league of Calais yesterday morning, and I was resolved to +go by the sea-side, to make greater haste; but, indeed, they say very +true, that nothing is like the highway; for I got into a quicksand, where +I sunk up to the chin.' 'A quicksand,' said I, 'near Calais?' 'Yes, +sir,' said he, 'and such a quicksand that, the devil take me, if they saw +anything but the top of my head when they pulled me out: as for my horse, +fifteen men could scarce get him out; but the portmanteau, where I had +unfortunately put your clothes, could never be found: it must be at least +a league under ground.' + +"This, sire," continued the Chevalier de Grammont, "is the adventure, and +the relation which this honest gentleman has given me of it. I should +certainly have killed him, but I was afraid of making Miss Hamilton wait, +and I was desirous of giving your Majesty immediate advice of the +quicksand, that your couriers may take care to avoid it." + +The King was ready to split his sides with laughing, when the Chevalier +de Grammont, resuming the discourse, "apropos, sire," said he, "I had +forgot to tell you, that, to increase my ill-humour, I was stopped, as I +was getting out of my chair, by the devil of a phantom in masquerade, who +would by all means persuade me that the queen had commanded me to dance +with her; and as I excused myself with the least rudeness possible, she +charged me to find out who was to be her partner, and desired me to send +him to her immediately so that your Majesty will do well to give orders +about it; for she has placed herself in ambush in a coach, to seize upon +all those who pass through Whitehall. However, I must tell you, that it +is worth while to see her dress; for she must have at least sixty ells of +gauze and silver tissue about her, not to mention a sort of a pyramid +upon her head, adorned with a hundred thousand baubles." + +This last account surprised all the assembly, except those who had a +share in the plot. The queen assured them, that all she had appointed +for the ball were present; and the king, having paused some minutes: +"I bet," said he, "that it is the Duchess of Newcastle." "And I," said +Lord Muskerry, coming up to Miss Hamilton, "will bet it is another fool; +for I am very much mistaken if it is not my wife." + +The king was for sending to know who it was, and to bring her in: Lord +Muskerry offered himself for that service, for the reason already +mentioned; and it was very well he did so. Miss Hamilton was not sorry +for this, knowing very well that he was not mistaken in his conjecture; +the jest would have gone much farther than she intended, if the Princess +of Babylon had appeared in all her glory. + +The ball was not very well executed, if one maybe allowed the expression, +so long as they danced only slow dances; and yet there were as good +dancers, and as beautiful women in this assembly, as were to be found in +the whole world: but as their number was not great, they left the French, +and went to country dances. When they had danced some time, the king +thought fit to introduce his auxiliaries, to give the others a little +respite; the queen's and the duchess's maids of honour were therefore +called in to dance with the gentlemen. + +Then it was that they were at leisure to take notice of Miss Blague, and +they found that the billet they had conveyed to her on the part of +Brisacier had its effect: she was more yellow than saffron: her hair was +stuffed with the citron-coloured riband, which she had put there out of +complaisance; and, to inform Brisacier of his fate, she raised often to +her head her victorious hands, adorned with the gloves we have before +mentioned: but, if they were surprised to see her in a head-dress that +made her look more wan than ever, she was very differently surprised to +see Miss Price partake with her in every particular of Brisacier's +present: her surprise soon turned to jealousy; for her rival had not +failed to join in conversation with him, on account of what had been +insinuated to her the evening before; nor did Brisacier fail to return +her first advances, without paying the least attention to the fair +Blague, nor to the signs which she was tormenting herself to make him, +to inform him of his happy destiny. + +Miss Price was short and thick, and consequently no dancer, the Duke of +Buckingham, who brought Brisacier forward as often as he could, came to +desire him, on the part of the king, to dance with Miss Blague, without +knowing what was then passing in this nymph's heart: Brisacier excused +himself, on account of the contempt that he had for country dances: Miss +Blague thought that it was herself that he despised; and, seeing that he +was engaged in conversation with her mortal enemy, she began to dance, +without knowing what she was doing. Though her indignation and jealousy +were sufficiently remarkable to divert the court, none but Miss Hamilton +and her accomplices, understood the joke perfectly: their pleasure was +quite complete; for Lord Muskerry returned, still more confounded at the +vision, of which the Chevalier de Grammont had given the description. He +acquainted Miss Hamilton, that it was Lady Muskerry herself, a thousand +times more ridiculous than she had ever been before, and that he had had +an immense trouble to get her home, and place a sentry at her chamber +door. + +The reader may think, perhaps, that we have dwelt too long on these +trifling incidents; perhaps he may be right. We will therefore pass to +others. + +Everything favoured the Chevalier de Grammont in the new passion which he +entertained: he was not, however, without rivals; but, what is a great +deal more extraordinary, he was without uneasiness: he was acquainted +with their understandings, and no stranger to Miss Hamilton's way of +thinking. + +Among her lovers, the most considerable, though the least professedly so, +was the Duke of York: it was in vain for him to conceal it, the court was +too well acquainted with his character to doubt of his inclinations for +her. He did not think it proper to declare such sentiments as were not +fit for Miss Hamilton to hear; but he talked to her as much as he could, +and ogled her with great assiduity. As hunting was his favourite +diversion, that sport employed him one part of the day, and he came home +generally much fatigued; but Miss Hamilton's presence revived him, when +he found her either with the queen or the duchess. There it was that, +not daring to tell her of what lay heavy on his heart, he entertained her +with what he had in his head: telling her miracles of the cunning of +foxes and the mettle of horses; giving her accounts of broken legs and +arms, dislocated shoulders, and other curious and entertaining +adventures; after which, his eyes told her the rest, till such time as +sleep interrupted their conversation; for these tender interpreters could +not help sometimes composing themselves in the midst of their ogling. + +The duchess was not at all alarmed at a passion which her rival was far +from thinking sincere, and with which she used to divert herself, as far +as respect would admit her; on the contrary, as her highness had an +affection and esteem for Miss Hamilton, she never treated her more +graciously than on the present occasion. + +The two Russells, uncle and nephew,--were two other of the Chevalier de +Grammont's rivals: the uncle was full seventy, and had distinguished +himself by his courage and fidelity in the civil wars. His passions and +intentions, with regard to Miss Hamilton, appeared both at once; but his +magnificence only appeared by halves in those gallantries which love +inspires. It was not long since the fashion of high crowned hats had +been left off, in order to fall into the other extreme. Old Russell, +amazed at so terrible a change, resolved to keep a medium, which made him +remarkable: he was still more so, by his constancy for cut doublets, +which he supported a long time after they had been universally +suppressed; but, what was more surprising than all, was a certain mixture +of avarice and liberality, constantly at war with each other, ever since +he had entered the list with love. + +His nephew was only of a younger brother's family, but was considered as +his uncle's heir; and though he was under the necessity of attending to +his uncle for an establishment, and still more so of humouring him, in +order to get his estate, he could not avoid his fate. Mrs. Middleton +showed him a sufficient degree of preference; but her favours could not +secure him from the charms of Miss Hamilton: his person would have had +nothing disagreeable in it, if he had but left it to nature; but he was +formal in all his actions, and silent even to stupidity; and yet rather +more tiresome when he did speak. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, very much at his ease in all these +competitions, engaged himself more and more in his passion, without +forming other designs, or conceiving other hopes, than to render himself +agreeable. Though his passion was openly declared, no person at court +regarded it otherwise than as a habit of gallantry, which goes no farther +than to do justice to merit. + +His monitor, Saint Evremond, was quite of a different opinion; and +finding, that, besides an immense increase of magnificence and assiduity, +he regretted those hours which he bestowed on play; that he no longer +sought after those long and agreeable conversations they used to have +together; and that this new attachment everywhere robbed him of himself: + +"Monsieur le Chevalier," said he, "methinks that for some time you have +left the town beauties and their lovers in perfect repose: Mrs. Middleton +makes fresh conquests with impunity, and wears your presents, under your +nose, without your taking the smallest notice. Poor Miss Warmestre has +been very quietly brought to bed in the midst of the court, without your +having even said a word about it. I foresaw it plain enough, Monsieur le +Chevalier, you have got acquainted with Miss Hamilton, and, what has +never before happened to you, you are really in love; but let us consider +a little what may be the consequence. In the first place, then, I +believe, you have not the least intention of seducing her: such is her +birth and merit, that if you were in possession of the estate and title +of your family, it might be excusable in you to offer yourself upon +honourable terms, however ridiculous marriage may be in general; for, if +you only wish for wit, prudence, and the treasures of beauty, you could +not pay your addresses to a more proper person: but for you, who possess +only a very moderate share of those of fortune, you cannot pay your +addresses more improperly. + +"For your brother Toulongeon, whose disposition I am acquainted with, will +not have the complaisance to die, to favour your pretensions: but suppose +you had a competent fortune for you both--and that is supposing a good +deal--are you acquainted with the delicacy, not to say capriciousness, of +this fair one about such an engagement? Do you know that she has had the +choice of the best matches in England? The Duke of Richmond paid his +addresses to her first; but though he was in love with her, still he was +mercenary: however, the king, observing that want of fortune was the only +impediment to the match, took that article upon himself, out of regard to +the Duke of Ormond, to the merit and birth of Miss Hamilton, and to her +father's services; but, resenting that a man, who pretended to be in +love, should bargain like a merchant, and likewise reflecting upon his +character in the world, she did not think that being Duchess of Richmond +was a sufficient recompense for the danger that was to be feared from a +brute and a debauchee. + +"Has not little Jermyn, notwithstanding his uncle's great estate, and his +own brilliant reputation, failed in his suit to her? And has she ever so +much as vouchsafed to look at Henry Howard, who is upon the point of +being the first duke in England, and who is already in actual possession +of all the estates of the house of Norfolk? I confess that he is a +clown, but what other lady in all England would not have dispensed with +his stupidity and his disagreeable person, to be the first duchess in the +kingdom, with twenty-five thousand a year? + +"To conclude, Lord Falmouth has told me himself, that he has always +looked upon her as the only acquisition wanting to complete his +happiness: but, that even at the height of the splendour of his fortune, +he never had had the assurance to open his sentiments to her; that he +either felt in himself too much weakness, or too much pride, to be +satisfied with obtaining her solely by the persuasion of her relations; +and that, though the first refusals of the fair on such occasions are not +much minded, he knew with what an air she had received the addresses of +those whose persons she did not like. After this, Monsieur le Chevalier, +consider what method you intend to pursue: for, if you are in love, the +passion will still increase, and the greater the attachment, the less +capable will you be of making those serious reflections that are now in +your power." + +"My poor philosopher," answered the Chevalier de Grammont, "you +understand Latin very well, you can make good verses, you understand the +course, and are acquainted with the nature of the stars in the firmament; +but, as for the luminaries of the terrestrial globe, you are utterly +unacquainted with them: you have told me nothing about Miss Hamilton, but +what the king told me three days ago. That she has refused the savages +you have mentioned is all in her favour if she had admitted their +addresses, I would have had nothing to say to her, though I love her +to distraction. Attend now to what I am going to say: I am resolved +to marry her, and I will have my tutor Saint Evremond himself to be the +first man to commend me for it. As for an establishment, I shall make my +peace with the king, and will solicit him to make her one of the ladies +of the bed-chamber to the queen: this he will grant me. Toulongeon will +die, without my assistance. + + [Count de Toulongeon was elder brother to Count Grammont, who, by + his death, in 1679, became, according to St. Evremond, on that + event, one of the richest noblemen at court.--See St. Evremond's + Works. vol. ii., p. 327.] + +"Notwithstanding all his care; Miss Hamilton will have Semeat,--[A country +seat belonging to the family of the Grammonts.]--with the Chevalier de +Grammont, as an indemnification for the Norfolks and Richmonds. Now, +have you any thing to advance against this project? For I will bet you +an hundred louis, that everything will happen as I have foretold it." + +At this time the king's attachment to Miss Stewart was so public, that +every person perceived, that if she was but possessed of art, she might +become as absolute a mistress over his conduct as she was over his heart. +This was a fine opportunity for those who had experience and ambition. +The Duke of Buckingham formed the design of governing her, in order to +ingratiate himself with the king: God knows what a governor he would have +been, and what a head he was possessed of, to guide another; however, +he was the properest man in the world to insinuate himself with Miss +Stewart: she was childish in her behaviour, and laughed at everything, +and her taste for frivolous amusements, though unaffected, was only +allowable in a girl about twelve or thirteen years old. A child, +however, she was, in every other respect, except playing with a doll: +blind man's buff was her most favourite amusement: she was building +castles of cards, while the deepest play was going on in her apartments, +where you saw her surrounded by eager courtiers, who handed her the +cards, or young architects, who endeavoured to imitate her. + +She had, however, a passion for music, and had some taste for singing. +The Duke of Buckingham, who built the finest towers of cards imaginable, +had an agreeable voice: she had no aversion to scandal: and the duke was +both the father and the mother of scandal, he made songs, and invented +old women's stories, with which she was delighted; but his particular +talent consisted in turning into ridicule whatever was ridiculous in +other people, and in taking them off, even in their presence, without +their perceiving it: in short, he knew how to act all parts with so much +grace and pleasantry, that it was difficult to do without him, when he +had a mind to make himself agreeable; and he made himself so necessary to +Miss Stewart's amusement, that she sent all over the town to seek for +him, when he did not attend the king to her apartments. + +He was extremely handsome, and still thought himself much more so than he +really was: although he had a great deal of discernment, yet his vanity +made him mistake some civilities as intended for his person, which were +only bestowed on his wit and drollery: in short, being seduced by too +good an opinion of his own merit, he forgot his first project and his +Portuguese mistress, in order to pursue a fancy in which he mistook +himself; for he no sooner began to act a serious part with Miss Stewart, +than he met with so severe a repulse that he abandoned, at once, all his +designs upon her: however, the familiarity she had procured him with the +king, opened the way to those favours to which he was afterwards +advanced. + + [George Villiers, the second Duke of Buckingham, was born 30th + January, 1627. Lord Orford observes," When this extraordinary man, + with the figure and genius of Alcibiades, could equally charm the + presbyterian Fairfax and the dissolute Charles; when he alike + ridiculed that witty king and his solemn chancellor: when he plotted + the ruin of his country with a cabal of bad ministers, or, equally + unprincipled, supported its cause with bad patriots,--one laments + that such parts should have been devoid of every virtue: but when + Alcibiades turns chemist; when he is a real bubble and a visionary + miser; when ambition is but a frolic; when the worst designs are for + the foolishest ends,--contempt extinguishes all reflection on his + character."] + +Lord Arlington took up the project which the Duke of Buckingham had +abandoned, and endeavoured to gain possession of the mind of the +mistress, in order to govern the master. A man of greater merit and +higher birth than himself might, however, have been satisfied with the +fortune he had already acquired. His first negotiations were during the +treaty of the Pyrenees: and though he was unsuccessful in his proceedings +for his employer, yet he did not altogether lose his time; for he +perfectly acquired, in his exterior, the serious air and profound gravity +of the Spaniards, and imitated pretty well their tardiness in business: +he had a scar across his nose, which was covered by a long patch, or +rather by a small plaister, in form of a lozenge. + +Scars in the face commonly give a man a certain fierce and martial air, +which sets him off to advantage; but it was quite the contrary with him, +and this remarkable plaister so well suited his mysterious looks, that it +seemed an addition to his gravity and self-sufficiency. + +Arlington, under the mask of this compound countenance where great +earnestness passed for business, and impenetrable stupidity for secrecy, +had given himself the character of a great politician; and no one having +leisure to examine him, he was taken at his word, and had been made +minister and secretary of state, upon the credit of his own importance. + +His ambition soaring still above these high stations, after having +provided himself with a great number of fine maxims, and some historical +anecdotes, he obtained an audience of Miss Stewart, in order to display +them; at the same time offering her his most humble services, and best +advice, to assist her in conducting herself in the situation to which it +had pleased God and her virtue to raise her. But he was only in the +preface of his speech, when she recollected that he was at the head of +those whom the Duke of Buckingham used to mimic; and as his presence and +his language exactly revived the ridiculous ideas that had been given her +of him, she could not forbear bursting out into a fit of laughter in his +face, so much the more violent as she had for a long time struggled to +suppress it. + +The minister was enraged: his pride became his post, and his punctilious +behaviour merited all the ridicule which could be attached to it: he +quitted her abruptly, with all the fine advice he had prepared for her, +and was almost tempted to carry it to Lady Castlemaine, and to unite +himself with her interests; or immediately to quit the court party, and +declaim freely in parliament against the grievances of the state, and +particularly to propose an act to forbid the keeping of mistresses; but +his prudence conquered his resentments; and thinking only how to enjoy +with pleasure the blessings of fortune, he sent to Holland for a wife, +in order to complete his felicity. + +Hamilton was, of all the courtiers, the best qualified to succeed in +an enterprise, in which the Duke of Buckingham and Lord Arlington had +miscarried: he was thinking upon it; but his natural coquetry traversed +his intentions, and made him neglect the most advantageous prospects in +the world, in order unnecessarily to attend to the advances and +allurements thrown out to him by the Countess of Chesterfield. This was +one of the most agreeable women in the world: she had a most exquisite +shape, though she was not very tall; her complexion was extremely fair, +with all the expressive charms of a brunette; she had large blue eyes, +very tempting and alluring; her manners were engaging; her wit lively and +amusing; but her heart, ever open to tender sentiments, was neither +scrupulous in point of constancy, nor nice in point of sincerity. She +was daughter to the Duke of Ormond, and Hamilton, being her cousin- +german, they might be as much as they pleased in each other's company +without being particular; but as soon as her eyes gave him some +encouragement, he entertained no other thoughts than how to please her, + + [This lady was Isabella, daughter to Lewis de Nassau, Lord Beverwaert, + son to Maurice, Prince of Orange, and Count Nassau. By her, Lord + Arlington had an only daughter, named Isabella.] + +without considering her fickleness, or the obstacles he had to encounter. +His intention, which we mentioned before, of establishing himself in the +confidence of Miss Stewart, no longer occupied his thoughts: she now was +of opinion that she was capable of being the mistress of her own conduct: +she had done all that was necessary to inflame the king's passions, without +exposing her virtue by granting the last favours; but the eagerness of a +passionate lover, blessed with favourable opportunities, is difficult to +withstand, and still more difficult to vanquish; and Miss Stewart's +virtue was almost exhausted, when the queen was attacked with a violent +fever, which soon reduced her to extreme danger. + +Then it was that Miss Stewart was greatly pleased with herself for the +resistance she had made, though she had paid dearly for it: a thousand +flattering hopes of greatness and glory filled her heart, and the +additional respect that was universally paid her, contributed not a +little to increase them. The queen was given over by her physicians: +the few Portuguese women that had not been sent back to their own country +filled the court with doleful cries; and the good nature of the king was +much affected with the situation in which he saw a princess, whom, though +he did not love her, yet he greatly esteemed. She loved him tenderly, +and thinking that it was the last time she should ever speak to him, she +told him, that the concern he showed for her death, was enough to make +her quit life with regret; but that not possessing charms sufficient to +merit his tenderness, she had at least the consolation in dying to give +place to a consort who might be more worthy of it, and to whom heaven, +perhaps, might grant a blessing that had been refused to her. At these +words, she bathed his hands with some tears, which he thought would be +her last: he mingled his own with hers; and without supposing she would +take him at his word, he conjured her to live for his sake. She had +never yet disobeyed him; and, however dangerous sudden impulses may be, +when one is between life and death, this transport of joy, which might +have proved fatal to her, saved her life, and the king's wonderful +tenderness had an effect, for which every person did not thank heaven in +the same manner. + +Jermyn had now for some time been recovered of his wounds: however, Lady +Castlemaine, finding his health in as deplorable a condition as ever, +resolved to regain the king's heart, but in vain: for notwithstanding the +softness of her tears, and the violence of her passions, Miss Stewart +wholly possessed it. During this period the court was variously +entertained: sometimes there were promenades, and at others the court +beauties sallied out on horseback, and to make attacks with their charms +and graces, sometimes successfully, sometimes otherwise, but always to +the best of their abilities at other seasons there were such shows on the +river, as the city of London alone can afford. + +The Thames washes the sides of a large though not a magnificent palace of +the kings of Great Britain:--[This was Whitehall, which was burnt down, +except the banqueting-house, 4th January, 1698.]--from the stairs of this +palace the court used to take water, in the summer evenings, when the +heat and dust prevented their walking in the park: an infinite number of +open boats, filled with the court and city beauties, attended the barges, +in which were the Royal Family: collations, music, and fireworks, +completed the scene. The Chevalier de Grammont always made one of the +company, and it was very seldom that he did not add something of his own +invention, agreeably to surprise by some unexpected stroke of +magnificence and gallantry. Sometimes he had complete concerts of vocal +and instrumental music, which he privately brought from Paris, and which +struck up on a sudden in the midst of these parties; sometimes he gave +banquets, which likewise came from France, and which, even in the midst +of London, surpassed the king's collations. These entertainments +sometimes exceeded, as others fell short of his expectations, but they +always cost him an immense deal of money. + +Lord Falmouth was one of those who had the greatest friendship and esteem +for the Chevalier de Grammont: this profusion gave him concern, and as he +often used to go and sup with him without ceremony, one day finding only +Saint Evremond there, and a supper fit for half a dozen guests, who had +been invited in form: "You must not," said he, addressing himself to the +Chevalier de Grammont, "be obliged to me for this visit. I come from the +king's 'coucher', where all the discourse was about you; and I can assure +you that the manner in which the king spoke of you, could not afford you +so much pleasure as I myself felt upon the occasion. You know very well, +that he has long since offered you his good offices with the King of +France; and for my own part," continued he, smiling, "you know very well +that I would solicit him so to do, if it was not through fear of losing +you as soon as your peace is made; but, thanks to Miss Hamilton, you +are in no great haste: however, I am ordered by the king, my master, +to acquaint you, that while you remain here, until you are restored to +the favour of your sovereign, he presents you with a pension of fifteen +hundred Jacobus's: it is indeed a trifle, considering the figure the +Chevalier de Grammont makes among us; but it will assist him," said he, +embracing him, "to give us sometimes a supper." + +The Chevalier de Grammont received, as he ought, the offer of a favour he +did not think proper to accept: "I acknowledge," said he, "the king's +bounty in this proposal, but I am still more sensible of Lord Falmouth's +generosity in it; and I request him to assure his Majesty of my perfect +gratitude: the king, my master, will not suffer me to want, when he +thinks fit to recall me; and while I continue here, I will let you see +that I have wherewithal to give my English friends now and then a +supper." + +At these words, he called for his strong box, and showed him seven or +eight thousand guineas in solid gold. Lord Falmouth, willing to improve +to the Chevalier's advantage the refusal of so advantageous an offer, +gave Monsieur de Comminge, then ambassador at the English court, an +account of it; nor did Monsieur de Comminge fail to represent properly +the merit of such a refusal to the French court. + +Hyde Park, every one knows, is the promenade of London! nothing was so +much in fashion, during the fine weather, as that promenade, which was +the rendezvous of magnificence and beauty: every one, therefore, who had +either sparkling eyes, or a splendid equipage, constantly repaired +thither; and the king seemed pleased with the place. + +Coaches with glasses were then a late invention. + + [Coaches were first introduced into England in the year 1564. + Taylor, the water poet, (Works, 1630, p. 240,) says,--"One William + Boonen, a Dutchman, brought first the use of coaches hither; and the + said Boonen was Queen Elizabeth's coachman; for, indeed, a coach was + a strange monster in those days, and the sight of them put both + horse and man into amazement." Dr. Percy observes, they were first + drawn by two horses, and that it was the favourite Buckingham, who, + about 1619, began to draw with six horses. About the same time, he + introduced the sedan. 'The Ultimum Vale of John Carleton', 4to, + 1663, p. 23, will, in a great measure, ascertain the time of the + introduction of glass coaches. He says, "I could wish her (i. e. + Mary Carleton's) coach (which she said my lord Taff bought for her + in England, and sent it over to her, made of the new fashion, wide + glasse, very stately; and her pages and lacquies were of the same + livery,) was come for me," &c.] + +The ladies were afraid of being shut up in them: they greatly preferred +the pleasure of showing almost their whole persons, to the conveniences +of modern coaches: that which was made for the king not being remarkable +for its elegance, the Chevalier de Grammont was of opinion that something +ingenious might be invented, which should partake of the ancient fashion, +and likewise prove preferable to the modern; he therefore sent away +Termes privately with all the necessary instructions to Paris: the Duke +of Guise was likewise charged with this commission; and the courier, +having by the favour of Providence escaped the quicksand, in a month's +time brought safely over to England the most elegant and magnificent +calash that had ever been seen, which the Chevalier presented to the +king. + +The Chevalier de Grammont had given orders that fifteen hundred louis +should be expended upon it; but the Duke of Guise, who was his friend, +to oblige him, laid out two thousand. All the court was in admiration +at the magnificence of the present; and the king, charmed with the +Chevalier's attention to everything which could afford him pleasure, +failed not to acknowledge it: he would not, however, accept a present +of so much value, but upon condition that the Chevalier should not +refuse another from him. + +The queen, imagining that so splendid a carriage might prove fortunate +for her, wished to appear in it first, with the Duchess of York. Lady +Castlemaine, who had seen them in it, thinking that it set off a fine +figure to greater advantage than any other, desired the king to lend her +this wonderful calash to appear in it the first fine day in Hyde Park: +Miss Stewart had the same wish, and requested to have it on the same day. +As it was impossible to reconcile these two goddesses, whose former union +was turned into mortal hatred, the king was very much perplexed. + +Lady Castlemaine was with child, and threatened to miscarry, if her rival +was preferred; Miss Stewart threatened, that she never would be with +child, if her request was not granted. This menace prevailed, and Lady +Castlemaine's rage was so great, that she had almost kept her word; and +it was believed that this triumph cost her rival some of her innocence. + +The queen dowager, who, though she had no share in these broils, had no +objection to them, and as usual being diverted with this circumstance, +she took occasion to joke with the Chevalier de Grammont, for having +thrown this bone of contention among such competitors; and did not fail +to give him, in the presence of the whole court, those praises which so +magnificent a present deserved: "But how comes it," said she, "that you +have no equipage yourself, though you are at so great an expense? for I +am told that you do not keep even a single footman, and that one of the +common runners in the streets lights you home with a stinking link." +"Madam," said he, "the Chevalier de Grammont hates pomp: my linkboy, of +whom you speak, is faithful to my service; and besides, he is one of the +bravest fellows in the world. Your Majesty is unacquainted with the +nation of link-boys: it is a charming one, I can assure you: a man cannot +step out in the night without being surrounded by a dozen of them. The +first time I became acquainted with them, I retained all that offered me +their services; so that when I arrived at Whitehall, I had at least two +hundred about my chair: the sight was new; for those who had seen me pass +with this illumination, asked whose funeral it was. These gentlemen, +however, began fighting about some dozen shillings I had thrown among +them then; and he whom your Majesty mentions having beaten three or four +of his companions, I retained him for his valour. As for the parade of +coaches and footmen, I despise it: I have sometimes had five or six +valets-de-chambre at once, without having a single servant in livery, +except my chaplain Poussatin." "How!" said the queen, bursting out +laughing, "a chaplain in your livery! he surely was not a priest?" +"Pardon me, madam," said he, "and the first priest in the world for +dancing the Biscayan jig." "Chevalier," said the king, "pray tell us the +history of your chaplain Poussatin." + + + + +ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS: + +Ambition to pass for a wit, only established her tiresome +An affectation of purity of manners +Despising everything which was not like themselves +Duke would see things if he could +Every thing that is necessary is honourable in politics +Good attendants, but understood cheating still better +Great earnestness passed for business +Hardly possible for a woman to have less wit, or more beauty +He talked eternally, without saying anything +His mistress given him by his priests for penance +Impenetrable stupidity (passed) for secrecy +Life, in his opinion, was too short to read all sorts of books +Never felt the pressure of indigence +Not that he wanted capacity, but he was too self-sufficient +Obstinate against all other advices +One amour is creditable to a lady +Possessed but little raillery, and still less patience +Reasons of state assume great privileges +She just said what she ought, and no more +They can by no means bear the inconstancy of their mistresses +Very willing to accept, but was tardy in making returns +Wealth was necessary for the conveniencies of a long life + + + + + + + MEMOIRS OF COUNT GRAMMONT, VOLUME 4. + + By Anthony Hamilton + + EDITED, WITH NOTES, BY SIR WALTER SCOTT + + + + + CHAPTER EIGHTH. + + FUNNY ADVENTURE OF THE CHAPLAIN POUSSATIN--THE STORY OF + THE SIEGE OF LERIDA--MARRIAGE OF THE DUKE OF YORK, AND + OTHER DETAILS ABOUT THE ENGLISH COURT. + + +"Sir," said the Chevalier de Grammont, "the Prince de Conde besieged +Lerida: the place in itself was nothing; but Don Gregorio Brice who +defended it, was something. He was one of those Spaniards of the old +stamp, as valiant as the Cid, as proud as all the Guzmans put together, +and more gallant than all the Abencerrages of Granada: he suffered us to +make our first approaches to the place without the least molestation. +The Marshal de Grammont, whose maxim it was, that a governor who at first +makes a great blustering, and burns his suburbs in order to make a noble +defence, generally makes a very bad one, looked upon Gregorio de Brice's +politeness as no good omen for us; but the prince, covered with glory, +and elated with the campaigns of Rocroy, Norlinguen, and Fribourg, to +insult both the place and the governor, ordered the trenches to be +mounted at noon-day by his own regiment, at the head of which marched +four-and-twenty fiddlers, as if it had been to a wedding. + +"Night approaching, we were all in high spirits: our violins were playing +soft airs, and we were comfortably regaling ourselves: God knows how we +were joking about the poor governor and his fortifications, both of which +we promised ourselves to take in less than twenty-four hours. This was +going on in the trenches, when we heard an ominous cry from the ramparts, +repeated two or three times, of, 'Alerte on the walls!' This cry was +followed by a discharge of cannon and musketry, and this discharge by a +vigorous sally, which, after having filled up the trenches, pursued us as +far as our grand guard. + +"The next day Gregorio Brice sent by a trumpet a present of ice and fruit +to the Prince de Conde, humbly beseeching his highness to excuse his not +returning the serenade which he was pleased to favour him with, as +unfortunately he had no violins; but that if the music of last night was +not disagreeable to him, he would endeavour to continue it as long as he +did him the honour to remain before the place. The Spaniard was as good +as his word; and as soon as we heard, 'Alerte on the walls,' we were sure +of a sally, that cleared our trenches, destroyed our works, and killed +the best of our officers and soldiers. The prince was so piqued at it, +that, contrary to the opinion of the general officers, he obstinately +persisted in carrying on a siege which was like to ruin his army, and +which he was at last forced to quit in a hurry. + +"As our troops were retiring, Don Gregorio, far from giving himself those +airs which governors generally do on such occasions, made no other sally, +than sending a respectful compliment to the prince. Signor Brice set out +not long after for Madrid, to give an account of his conduct, and to +receive the recompense he had merited. Your majesty perhaps will be +desirous to know what reception poor Brice met with, after having +performed the most brilliant action the Spaniards could boast of in all +the war--he was confined by the inquisition." + +"How!" said the Queen Dowager, "confined by the inquisition for his +services!" "Not altogether for his services," said the Chevalier; "but +without any regard to his services, he was treated in the manner I have +mentioned for a little affair of gallantry, which I shall relate to the +King presently. + +"The campaign of Catalonia being thus ended, we were returning home, not +overloaded with laurels; but as the Prince de Conde had laid up a great +store on former occasions, and as he had still great projects in his +head, he soon forgot this trifling misfortune: we did nothing but joke +with one another during the march, and the prince was the first to +ridicule the siege. We made some of those rhymes on Lerida, which were +sung all over France, in order to prevent others more severe; however, we +gained nothing by it, for notwithstanding we treated ourselves freely in +our own ballads, others were composed in Paris in which we were ten times +more severely handled. At last we arrived at Perpignan upon a holy-day: +a company of Catalans, who were dancing in the middle of the street, out +of respect to the prince came to dance under his windows: Monsieur +Poussatin, in a little black jacket, danced in the middle of this +company, as if he was really mad. I immediately recognized him for my +countryman, from his manner of skipping and frisking about: the prince +was charmed with his humour and activity. After the dance, I sent for +him, and inquired who he was: 'A poor priest, at your service, my lord,' +said he: 'my name is Poussatin, and Bearn is my native country: I was +going into Catalonia to serve in the infantry, for, God be praised, I can +march very well on foot; but since the war is happily concluded, if your +lordship pleases to take me into your service, I would follow you +everywhere, and serve you faithfully.' 'Monsieur Poussatin,' said I, 'my +lordship has no great occasion for a chaplain; but since you are so well +disposed towards me, I will take you into my service.' + +"The Prince de Conde, who was present at this conversation, was overjoyed +at my having a chaplain. As poor Poussatin was in a very tattered +condition, I had no time to provide him with a proper habit at Perpignan; +but giving him a spare livery of one of the Marshal de Grammont's +servants, I made him get up behind the prince's coach, who was like to +die with laughing every time he looked at poor Poussatin's uncanonical +mien in a yellow livery. + +"As soon as we arrived in Paris, the story was told to the Queen, who at +first expressed some surprise at it: this, however, did not prevent her +from wishing to see my chaplain dance; for in Spain it is not altogether +so strange to see ecclesiastics dance, as to see them in livery. + +"Poussatin performed wonders before the Queen; but as he danced with +great sprightliness, she could not bear the odour which his violent +motions diffused around her room the ladies likewise began to pray for +relief; for he had almost entirely got the better of all the perfumes and +essences with which they were fortified: Poussatin, nevertheless, retired +with a great deal of applause, and some louis d'or. + +"Some time afterwards I procured a small benefice in the country for my +chaplain, and I have since been informed that Poussatin preached with the +same ease in his village as he danced at the wedding of his +parishioners." + +The King was exceedingly diverted at Poussatin's history; and the Queen +was not much hurt at his having been put in livery: the treatment of +Gregorio Brice offended her far more; and being desirous to justify the +court of Spain, with respect to so cruel a proceeding: "Chevalier de +Grammont," said she, "what heresy did Governor Brice wish to introduce +into the state? What crime against religion was he charged with, that he +was confined in the inquisition?" "Madam," said he, "the history is not +very proper to be related before your majesty: it was a little amorous +frolic, ill-timed indeed; but poor Brice meant no harm: a school-boy +would not have been whipped for such a fault, in the most severe college +in France; as it was only for giving some proofs of his affection to a +young Spanish fair one, who had fixed her eyes upon him on a solemn +occasion." + +The King desired to know the particulars of the adventure; and the +Chevalier gratified his curiosity, as soon as the Queen and the rest of +the court were out of hearing. It was very entertaining to hear him tell +a story; but it was very disagreeable to differ with him, either in +competition, or in raillery: it is true that at that time there were few +persons at the English court who had merited his indignation: Russell was +sometimes the subject of his ridicule, but he treated him far more +tenderly than he usually did a rival. + +This Russell was one of the most furious dancers in all England, I mean, +for country dances: he had a collection of two or three hundred in print, +all of which he danced at sight; and to prove that he was not an old man, +he sometimes danced until he was almost exhausted: his mode of dancing +was like that of his clothes, for they both had been out of fashion full +twenty years. + +The Chevalier de Grammont was very sensible that he was very much in +love; but though he saw very well that it only rendered him more +ridiculous, yet he felt some concern at the information he received, +of his intention of demanding Miss Hamilton in marriage; but his concern +did not last long. Russell, being upon the point of setting out on a +journey, thought it was proper to acquaint his mistress with his +intentions before his departure. The Chevalier de Grammont was a great +obstacle to the interview, he was desirous of obtaining of her; but being +one day sent for, to go and play at Lady Castlemaine's, Russell seized +the opportunity, and addressing himself to Miss Hamilton, with less +embarrassment than is usual on such occasions, he made his declaration to +her in the following manner: "I am brother to the Earl of Bedford: I +command the regiment of guards: I have three thousand pounds a year, and +fifteen thousand in ready money: all which, madam, I come to present to +you, along with my person. One present, I agree, is not worth much +without the other, and therefore I put them together. I am advised to go +to some of the watering places for something of an asthma, which, in all +probability, cannot continue much longer, as I have had it for these last +twenty years: if you look upon me as worthy of the happiness of belonging +to you, I shall propose it to your father, to whom I did not think it +right to apply before I was acquainted with your sentiments: my nephew +William is at present entirely ignorant of my intention; but I believe he +will not be sorry for it, though he will thereby see himself deprived of +a pretty considerable estate; for he has great affection for me, and +besides, he has a pleasure in paying his respects to you since he has +perceived my attachment. I am very much pleased that he should make his +court to me, by the attention he pays to you; for he did nothing but +squander his money upon that coquet Middleton, while at present he is at +no expense, though he frequents the best company in England." + +Miss Hamilton had much difficulty to suppress her laughter during this +harangue: however, she told him that she thought herself much honoured by +his intentions towards her, and still more obliged to him for consulting +her, before he made any overtures to her relations: "It will be time +enough," said she, "to speak to them upon the subject at your return from +the waters; for I do not think it is at all probable that they will +dispose of me before that time, and in case they should be urgent in +their solicitations, your nephew William will take care to acquaint you; +therefore, you may set out whenever you think proper; but take care not +to injure your health by returning too soon." + +The Chevalier de Grammont, having heard the particulars of this +conversation, endeavoured, as well as he could, to be entertained with +it; though there were certain circumstances in the declaration, +notwithstanding the absurdity of others, which did not fail to give him +some uneasiness. Upon the whole, he was not sorry for Russell's +departure; and, assuming an air of pleasantry, he went to relate to the +king how Heaven had favoured him by delivering him from so dangerous a +rival. "He is gone then, Chevalier," said the king. "Certainly, sir," +said he; "I had the honour to see him embark in a coach, with his asthma, +and country equipage, his perruque a calotte, neatly tied with a yellow +riband, and his old-fashioned hat covered with oil skin, which becomes +him uncommonly well: therefore, I have only to contend with William +Russell, whom he leaves as his resident with Miss Hamilton; and as for +him, I neither fear him upon his own account, nor his uncle's; he is too +much in love himself to pay attention to the interests of another; and as +he has but one method of promoting his own, which is by sacrificing the +portrait, or some love-letters of Mrs. Middleton, I have it easily in my +power to counteract him in such kind of favours, though I confess I have +pretty well paid for them." + +"Since your affairs proceed so prosperously with the Russells," said the +king, "I will acquaint you that you are delivered from another rival, +much more dangerous, if he were not already married: my brother has +lately fallen in love with Lady Chesterfield." "How many blessings at +once!" exclaimed the Chevalier de Grammont: "I have so many obligations +to him for this inconstancy, that I would willingly serve him in his new +amour, if Hamilton was not his rival: nor will your majesty take it ill, +if I promote the interests of my mistress's brother, rather than those of +your majesty's brother." "Hamilton, however," said the king, "does not +stand so much in need of assistance, in affairs of this nature, as the +Duke of York; but I know Lord Chesterfield is of such a disposition, that +he will not suffer men to quarrel about his wife, with the same patience +as the complaisant Shrewsbury; though he well deserves the same fate." +Here follows a true description of Lord Chesterfield. + + [Philip, the second Earl of Chesterfield. He was constituted, in + 1662, lord-chamberlain to the queen, and colonel of a regiment of + foot, June 13, 1667. On November 29, 1679, he was appointed lord- + warden and chief-justice of the king's forests on this side Trent, + and sworn of the privy-council, January 26, 1680. On November 6, + 1682, he was made colonel of the third regiment of foot, which, with + the rest of his preferments, he resigned on the accession of James + IT. He lived to the age of upwards of 80, and died, January 28, + 1713, at his house, in Bloomsbury-square.] + +He had a very agreeable face, a fine head of hair, an indifferent shape, +and a worse air; he was not, however, deficient in wit: a long residence +in Italy had made him ceremonious in his commerce with men, and jealous +in his connection with women: he had been much hated by the king; because +he had been much beloved by Lady Castlemaine: it was reported that he had +been in her good graces prior to her marriage; and as neither of them +denied it, it was the more generally believed. + +He had paid his devoirs to the eldest daughter of the Duke of Ormond, +while his heart was still taken up with his former passion: the king's +love for Lady Castlemaine, and the advancement he expected from such an +alliance, made him press the match with as much ardour as if he had been +passionately in love: he had therefore married Lady Chesterfield without +loving her, and had lived some time with her in such coolness as to leave +her no room to doubt of his indifference. As she was endowed with great +sensibility and delicacy, she suffered at this contempt: she was at first +much affected with his behaviour, and afterwards enraged at it; and, when +he began to give her proofs of his affection, she had the pleasure of +convincing him of her indifference. + +They were upon this footing, when she resolved to cure Hamilton, as she +had lately done her husband, of all his remaining tenderness for Lady +Castlemaine. For her it was no difficult undertaking: the conversation +of the one was disagreeable, from the unpolished state of her manners, +her ill-timed pride, her uneven temper, and extravagant humours Lady +Chesterfield, on the contrary, knew how to heighten her charms with all +the bewitching attractions in the power of a woman to invent who wishes +to make a conquest. + +Besides all this, she had greater opportunities of making advances to him +than to any other: she lived at the Duke of Ormond's, at Whitehall, where +Hamilton, as was said before, had free admittance at all hours: her +extreme coldness, or rather the disgust which she showed for her +husband's returning affection, wakened his natural inclination to +jealousy: he suspected that she could not so very suddenly pass from +anxiety to indifference for him, without some secret object of a new +attachment; and, according to the maxim of all jealous husbands, he +immediately put in practice all his experience and industry, in order to +make a discovery, which was to destroy his own happiness. + +Hamilton, who knew his disposition, was, on the other hand, upon his +guard, and the more he advanced in his intrigue, the more attentive was +he to remove every degree of suspicion from the Earl's mind: he pretended +to make him his confidant, in the most unguarded and open manner, of his +passion for Lady Castlemaine: he complained of her caprice, and most +earnestly desired his advice how to succeed with a person whose +affections he alone had entirely possessed. + +Chesterfield, who was flattered with this discourse, promised him his +protection with greater sincerity than it had been demanded: Hamilton, +therefore, was no further embarrassed than to preserve Lady +Chesterfield's reputation, who, in his opinion, declared herself rather +too openly in his favour: but whilst he was diligently employed in +regulating, within the rules of discretion, the partiality she expressed +for him, and in conjuring her to restrain her glances within bounds, she +was receiving those of the Duke of York; and, what is more, made them +favourable returns. + +He thought that he had perceived it, as well as every one besides; but he +thought likewise, that all the world was deceived as well as himself: how +could he trust his own eyes, as to what those of Lady Chesterfield +betrayed for this new rival? He could not think it probable, that a +woman of her disposition could relish a man, whose manners had a thousand +times been the subject of their private ridicule; but what he judged +still more improbable was, that she should begin another intrigue before +she had given the finishing stroke to that in which her own advances had +engaged her: however, he began to observe her with more circumspection, +when he found by his discoveries, that if she did not deceive him, at +least the desire of doing so was not wanting. This he took the liberty +of telling her of; but she answered him in so high a strain, and treated +what he said so much like a phantom of his own imagination, that he +appeared confused without being convinced: all the satisfaction he could +procure from her, was her telling him, in a haughty manner, that such +unjust reproaches as his ought to have had a better foundation. + +Lord Chesterfield had taken the same alarm; and being convinced, from the +observations he had made, that he had found out the happy lover who had +gained possession of his lady's heart, he was satisfied; and without +teasing her with unnecessary reproaches, he only waited for an +opportunity to confound her, before he took his measures. + +After all, how can we account for Lady Chesterfield's conduct, unless we +attribute it to the disease incident to most coquettes, who, charmed with +superiority, put in practice every art to rob another of her conquest, +and spare nothing to preserve it. + +But before we enter into the particulars of this adventure, let us take a +retrospect of the amours of his Royal Highness, prior to the declaration +of his marriage, and particularly of what immediately preceded this +declaration. It is allowable sometimes to drop the thread of a +narrative, when real facts, not generally known, give such a variety upon +the digression as to render it excusable: let us see then how those +things happened. + +The Duke of York's marriage, with the chancellor's daughter, was +deficient in none of those circumstances which render contracts of this +nature valid in the eye of heaven the mutual inclination, the formal +ceremony, witnesses, and every essential point of matrimony, had been +observed. + + [The material facts in this narrative are confirmed by Lord + Clarendon.--'Continuation of his Life', p. 33. It is difficult to + speak of the persons concerned in this infamous transaction without + some degree of asperity, notwithstanding they are, by a strange + perversion of language, styled, all men of honour.] + +Though the bride was no perfect beauty, yet, as there were none at the +court of Holland who eclipsed her, the Duke, during the first endearments +of matrimony, was so far from repenting of it, that he seemed only to +wish for the King's restoration that he might have an opportunity of +declaring it with splendour; but when he saw himself enjoying a rank +which placed him so near the throne; when the possession of Miss Hyde +afforded him no new charms; when England, so abounding in beauties, +displayed all that was charming and lovely in the court of the King his +brother; and when he considered he was the only prince, who, from such +superior elevation, had descended so low, he began to reflect upon it. +On the one hand, his marriage appeared to him particularly ill suited in +every respect: he recollected that Jermyn had not engaged him in an +intimacy with Miss Hyde, until he had convinced him, by several different +circumstances, of the facility of succeeding: he looked upon his marriage +as an infringement of that duty and obedience he owed to the King; the +indignation with which the court, and even the whole kingdom, would +receive the account of his marriage presented itself to his imagination, +together with the impossibility of obtaining the King's consent to such +an act, which for a thousand reasons he would be obliged to refuse. On +the other hand, the tears and despair of poor Miss Hyde presented +themselves; and still more than that, he felt a remorse of conscience, +the scruples of which began from that time to rise up against him. + +In the midst of this perplexity he opened his heart to Lord Falmouth, +and consulted with him what method he ought to pursue: He could not have +applied to a better man for his own interests, nor to a worse for Miss +Hyde's; for at first, Falmouth maintained not only that he was not +married, but that it was even impossible that he could ever have formed +such a thought; that any marriage was invalid for him, which was made +without the King's consent, even if the party was a suitable match: +but that it was a mere jest, even to think of the daughter of an +insignificant lawyer, whom the favour of his sovereign had lately made +a peer of the realm, without any noble blood, and chancellor, without any +capacity; that as for his scruples, he had only to give ear to some +gentlemen whom he could introduce, who would thoroughly inform him of +Miss Hyde's conduct before he became acquainted with her; and provided +he did not tell them that he really was married, he would soon have +sufficient grounds to come to a determination. + +The Duke of York consented, and Lord Falmouth, having assembled both his +council and his witnesses, conducted them to his Royal Highness's +cabinet, after having instructed them how to act: these gentlemen were +the Earl of Arran, Jermyn, Talbot, and Killegrew, all men of honour; but +who infinitely preferred the Duke of York's interest to Miss Hyde's +reputation, and who, besides, were greatly dissatisfied, as well as the +whole court, at the insolent authority of the prime minister. + +The Duke having told them, after a sort of preamble, that although they +could not be ignorant of his affection for Miss Hyde, yet they might be +unacquainted with the engagements his tenderness for her had induced him +to contract; that he thought himself obliged to perform all the promises +he had made her; but as the innocence of persons of her age was generally +exposed to court scandal, and as certain reports, whether false or true, +had been spread abroad on the subject of her conduct, he conjured them as +his friends, and charged them upon their duty, to tell him sincerely +everything they knew upon the subject, since he was resolved to make +their evidence the rule of his conduct towards her. They all appeared +rather reserved at first, and seemed not to dare to give their opinions +upon an affair of so serious and delicate a nature; but the Duke of York +having renewed his entreaties, each began to relate the particulars of +what he knew, and perhaps of more than he knew, of poor Miss Hyde; nor +did they omit any circumstance necessary to strengthen the evidence. For +instance the Earl of Arran, who spoke first, deposed, that in the gallery +at Honslaerdyk, where the Countess of Ossory, his sister-in-law, and +Jermyn, were playing at nine-pins, Miss Hyde, pretending to be sick, +retired to a chamber at the end of the gallery; that he, the deponent, +had followed her, and having cut her lace, to give a greater probability +to the pretence of the vapours, he had acquitted himself to the best of +his abilities, both to assist and to console her. + +Talbot said, that she had made an appointment with him in the +chancellor's cabinet, while he was in council; and, that, not paying so +much attention to what was upon the table as to what they were engaged +in, they had spilled a bottle full of ink upon a despatch of four pages, +and that the King's monkey, which was blamed for this accident, had been +a long time in disgrace. + +Jermyn mentioned many places where he had received long and favourable +audiences: however, all these articles of accusation amounted only to +some delicate familiarities, or at most, to what is generally denominated +the innocent part of an intrigue; but Killegrew, who wished to surpass +these trivial depositions, boldly declared that he had had the honour of +being upon the most intimate terms with her he was of a sprightly and +witty humour, and had the art of telling a story in the most entertaining +manner, by the graceful and natural turn he could give it: he affirmed +that he had found the critical minute in a certain closet built over the +water, for a purpose very different from that of giving ease to the pains +of love: that three or four swans had been witnesses to his happiness, +and might perhaps have been witnesses to the happiness of many others, as +the lady frequently repaired to that place, and was particularly +delighted with it. + +The Duke of York found this last accusation greatly out of bounds, being +convinced he himself had sufficient proofs of the contrary: he therefore +returned thanks to these officious informers for their frankness, ordered +them to be silent for the future upon what they had been telling him, and +immediately passed into the King's apartment. + +As soon as he had entered the cabinet, Lord Falmouth, who had followed +him, related what had passed to the Earl of Ossory, whom he met in the +presence chamber: they strongly suspected what was the subject of the +conversation of the two brothers, as it was long; and the Duke of York +appeared to be in such agitation when he came out, that they no longer +doubted that the result had been unfavourable for poor Miss Hyde. Lord +Falmouth began to be affected for her disgrace, and to relent that he had +been concerned in it, when the Duke of York told him and the Earl of +Ossory to meet him in about an hour's time at the chancellor's. + +They were rather surprised that he should have the cruelty himself to +announce such a melancholy piece of news: they found his Royal Highness +at the appointed hour in Miss Hyde's chamber: a few tears trickled down +her cheeks, which she endeavoured to restrain. The chancellor, leaning +against the wall, appeared to them to be puffed up with some thing, which +they did not doubt was--rage and despair. The Duke of York said to them, +with that serene and pleasant countenance with which men generally +announce good news: "As you are the two men of the court whom I most +esteem, I am desirous you should first have the honour of paying your +compliments to the Duchess of York: there she is." + +Surprise was of no use, and astonishment was unseasonable on the present +occasion: they were, however, so greatly possessed with both surprise and +astonishment, that in order to conceal it, they immediately fell on their +knees to kiss her hand, which she gave to them with as much majesty as if +she had been used to it all her life. + +The next day the news was made public, and the whole court was eager to +pay her that respect, from a sense of duty, which in the end became very +sincere. + +The petits-maitres who had spoken against her, seeing their intentions +disappointed, were not a little embarrassed. Women are seldom accustomed +to forgive injuries of this nature; and, if they promise themselves the +pleasure of revenge, when they gain the power they seldom forget it: in +the present case, however, the fears of these petits-maitres were their +only punishment. + +The Duchess of York, being fully informed of all that was said in the +cabinet concerning her, instead of showing the least resentment, studied +to distinguish, by all manner of kindness and good offices, those who had +attacked her in so sensible a part; nor did she ever mention it to them, +but in order to praise their zeal, and to tell them that nothing was a +greater proof of the attachment of a man of honour, than his being more +solicitous for the interest of his friend or master, than for his own +reputation: a remarkable example of prudence and moderation, not only +for the fair sex, but even for those who value themselves most upon their +philosophy among the men. + +The Duke of York, having quieted his conscience by the declaration of his +marriage, thought that he was entitled, by this generous effort, to give +way a little to his inconstancy: he therefore immediately seized upon +whatever he could first lay his hands upon: this was Lady Carnegy, who +had been in several other hands. She was still tolerably handsome, and +her disposition, naturally inclined to tenderness, did not oblige her new +lover long to languish. Everything coincided with their wishes for some +time: Lord Carnegy, her husband, was in Scotland; but his father dying +suddenly, he as suddenly returned with the title of Southesk, which his +wife detested; but which she took more patiently than she received the +news of his return. Some private intimation had been given him of the +honour that was done him in his absence: nevertheless, he did not show +his jealousy at first; but, as he was desirous to be satisfied of the +reality of the fact, he kept a strict watch over his wife's actions. The +Duke of York and her ladyship had, for some time, been upon such terms of +intimacy, as not to pass their time in frivolous amusements; however, the +husband's return obliged them to maintain some decorum: he therefore +never went to her house, but in form, that is to say, always accompanied +by some friend or other, to give his amours at least the appearance of a +visit. + +About this time Talbot returned from Portugal: this connection had taken +place during his absence; and without knowing who Lady Southesk was, he +had been informed that his master was in love with her. + +A few days after his arrival, he was carried, merely to keep up +appearances, to her house by the duke; and after being introduced, and +some compliments having been paid on both sides, he thought it his duty +to give his Royal Highness an opportunity to pay his compliments, and +accordingly retired into the ante-chamber, which looked into the street, +and placed himself at the window to view the people as they passed. + +He was one of the best meaning men in the world on such occasions; but +was so subject to forgetfulness, and absence of mind, that he once +forgot, and left behind him at London, a complimentary letter which the +duke had given him for the Infanta of Portugal, and never recollected it +till he was going to his audience. + +He stood sentry, as we have before said, very attentive to his +instructions, when he saw a coach stop at the door, without being in the +least concerned at it, and still less, at a man whom he saw get out of +it, and whom he immediately heard coming upstairs. + +The devil, who ought to be civil upon such occasions, forgot himself in +the present instance, and brought up Lord Southesk 'in propria persona': +his Royal Highness's equipage had been sent home, because my lady had +assured him that her husband was gone to see a bear and a bull baiting, +an entertainment in which he took great delight, and from whence he +seldom returned until it was very late; so that Southesk, not seeing any +equipage at the door, little imagined that he had such good company in +his house; but if he was surprised to see Talbot carelessly lolling in +his wife's ante-chamber, his surprise was soon over. Talbot, who had not +seen him since they were in Flanders, and never supposing that he had +changed his name: "Welcome, Carnegy, welcome, my good fellow," said he, +giving him his hand, "where the devil have you been, that I have never +been able to set eyes on you since we were at Brussels? What business +brought you here? Do you likewise wish to see Lady Southesk? If this is +your intention, my poor friend, you may go away again; for I must inform +you, the Duke of York is in love with her, and I will tell you in +confidence, that, at this very time, he is in her chamber." + +Southesk, confounded as one may suppose, had no time to answer all these +fine questions: Talbot, therefore, attended him downstairs as his friend; +and, as his humble servant, advised him to seek for a mistress elsewhere. +Southesk, not knowing what else to do at that time, returned to his +coach; and Talbot, overjoyed at the adventure, impatiently waited for the +duke's return, that he might acquaint him with it; but he was very much +surprised to find that the story afforded no pleasure to those who had +the principal share in it; and his greatest concern was, that Carnegy had +changed his name, as if only to draw him into such a confidence. + +This accident broke off a commerce which the Duke of York did not much +regret; and indeed it was happy for him that he became indifferent; for +the traitor Southesk meditated a revenge, whereby, without using either +assassination or poison, he would have obtained some satisfaction upon +those who had injured him, if the connection had continued any longer. + +He went to the most infamous places, to seek for the most infamous +disease, which he met with; but his revenge was only half completed; for +after he had gone through every remedy to get quit of his disease, his +lady did but return him his present, having no more connection with the +person for whom it was so industriously prepared. + + [Bishop Burnet, taking notice of the Duke of York's amours, says, + "a story was set about, and generally believed, that the Earl of + Southesk, that had married a daughter of the Duke of Hamilton's, + suspecting some familiarities between the duke and his wife, had + taken a sure method to procure a disease to himself, which he + communicated to his wife, and was, by that means, sent round till it + came to the duchess. Lord Southesk was, for some years, not ill + pleased to have this believed. It looked like a peculiar strain of + revenge, with which he seemed much delighted. But I know he has, to + some of his friends, denied the whole of the story very solemnly."-- + history of His Own Times, vol. i., p. 319. It is worthy of notice + that the passage in the text was omitted in most editions of + Grammont, and retained in that of Strawberry-hill, in 1772.] + +Lady Robarts was then in the zenith of her glory; her beauty was +striking; yet, notwithstanding the brightness of the finest complexion, +with all the bloom of youth, and with every requisite for inspiring +desire, she nevertheless was not attractive. The Duke of York, however, +would probably have been successful, if difficulties, almost +insurmountable, had not disappointed his good intentions: Lord Robarts, +her husband, was an old, snarling, troublesome, peevish fellow, in love +with her to distraction, and to complete her misery, a perpetual +attendant on her person. + +She perceived his Royal Highness's attachment to her, and seemed as if +she was inclined to be grateful: this redoubled his eagerness, and every +outward mark of tenderness he could possibly show her; but the watchful +husband redoubling his zeal and assiduity, as he found the approaches +advance, every art was practised to render him tractable: several attacks +were made upon his avarice and his ambition. Those who possessed the +greatest share of his confidence, insinuated to him that it was his own +fault if Lady Robarts, who was so worthy of being at court, was not +received into some considerable post, either about the queen or the +duchess: he was offered to be made Lord Lieutenant of the county where +his estate was; or to have the management of the Duke of York's revenues +in Ireland, of which he should have the entire disposal, provided he +immediately set out to take possession of his charge; and having +accomplished it, he might return as soon as ever he thought proper. + +He perfectly well understood the meaning of these proposals, and was +fully apprised of the advantages be might reap from them: in vain did +ambition and avarice hold out their allurements; he was deaf to all their +temptations, nor could ever the old fellow be persuaded to be made a +cuckold. It is not always an aversion to, or a dread of this +distinction, which preserves us from it: of this her husband was very +sensible; therefore, under the pretence of a pilgrimage to Saint +Winifred, the virgin and martyr, who was said to cure women of +barrenness, he did not rest, until the highest mountains in Wales were +between his wife and the person who had designed to perform this miracle +in London, after his departure. + +The duke was for some time entirely taken up with the pleasures of the +chase, and only now and then engaged in those of love; but his taste +having undergone a change in this particular, and the remembrance of Lady +Robarts wearing off by degrees, his eyes and wishes were turned towards +Miss Brook; and it was in the height of this pursuit that Lady +Chesterfield threw herself into his arms, as we shall see by resuming the +sequel of her adventures. + +The Earl of Bristol, ever restless and ambitious, had put in practice +every art, to possess himself of the king's favour. As this is the same +Digby whom Count Bussy mentions in his annals, it will be sufficient to +say that he was not at all changed: he knew that love and pleasure had +possession of a master, whom he himself governed, in defiance of the +chancellor; thus he was continually giving entertainments at his house; +and luxury and elegance seemed to rival each other in those nocturnal +feasts, which always lead to other enjoyments. The two Miss Brooks, his +relations, were always of those parties; they were both formed by nature +to excite love in others, as well as to be susceptible of it themselves; +they were just what the king wanted: the earl, from this commencement, +was beginning to entertain a good opinion of his project, when Lady +Castlemaine, who had lately gained entire possession of the king's heart, +was not in a humour, at that time, to share it with another, as she did +very indiscreetly afterwards, despising Miss Stewart. As soon, +therefore, as she received intimation of these secret practices, under +pretence of attending the king in his parties, she entirely disconcerted +them; so that the earl was obliged to lay aside his projects, and Miss +Brook to discontinue her advances. The king did not even dare to think +any more on this subject; but his brother was pleased to look after what +he neglected; and Miss Brook accepted the offer of his heart, until it +pleased heaven to dispose of her otherwise, which happened soon after in +the following manner. + +Sir John Denham, loaded with wealth as well as years, had passed his +youth in the midst of those pleasures which people at that age indulge +in without restraint; he was one of the brightest geniuses England ever +produced, for wit and humour, and for brilliancy of composition: +satirical and free in his poems, he spared neither frigid writers, nor +jealous husbands, nor even their wives: every part abounded with the most +poignant wit, and the most entertaining stories; but his most delicate +and spirited raillery turned generally against matrimony; and, as if he +wished to confirm, by his own example, the truth of what he had written +in his youth, he married, at the age of seventy-nine, this Miss Brook of +whom we are speaking, who was only eighteen. + +The Duke of York had rather neglected her for some time before; but the +circumstance of so unequal a match rekindled his ardour; and she, on her +part, suffered him to entertain hopes of an approaching bliss, which a +thousand considerations had opposed before her marriage: she wished to +belong to the court; and for the promise of being made lady of the +bedchamber to the duchess, she was upon the point of making him another +promise, or of immediately performing it, if required, when, in the +middle of this treaty, Lady Chesterfield was tempted, by her evil genius, +to rob her of her conquest, in order to disturb all the world. + +However, as Lady Chesterfield could not see the Duke of York, except +in public assemblies, she was under the necessity of making the most +extravagant advances, in order to seduce him from his former connection; +and as he was the most unguarded ogler of his time, the whole court was +informed of the intrigue before it was well begun. + +Those who appeared the most attentive to their conduct were not the least +interested in it. Hamilton and Lord Chesterfield watched them narrowly; +but Lady Denham, vexed that Lady Chesterfield should have stepped in +before her, took the liberty of railing against her rival with the +greatest bitterness. Hamilton had hitherto flattered himself that vanity +alone had engaged Lady Chesterfield in this adventure; but he was soon +undeceived, whatever her indifference might have been when she first +commenced this intrigue. We often proceed farther than we at first +intended, when we indulge ourselves in trifling liberties which we think +of no consequence; for though perhaps the heart takes no part at the +beginning, it seldom fails to be engaged in the end. + +The court, as we have mentioned before, was an entire scene of gallantry +and amusements, with all the politeness and magnificence which the +inclinations of a prince naturally addicted to tenderness and pleasure, +could suggest: the beauties were desirous of charming, and the men +endeavoured to please: all studied to set themselves off to the best +advantage: some distinguished themselves by dancing; others by show and +magnificence; some by their wit, many by their amours, but few by their +constancy. There was a certain Italian at court, famous for the guitar: +he had a genius for music, and he was the only man who could make +anything of the guitar: his style of play was so full of grace and +tenderness, that he would have given harmony to the most discordant +instruments. The truth is, nothing was so difficult as to play like +this foreigner. The king's relish for his compositions had brought the +instrument so much into vogue, that every person played upon it, well or +ill; and you were as sure to see a guitar on a lady's toilet as rouge or +patches. The Duke of York played upon it tolerably well, and the Earl of +Arran like Francisco himself. This Francisco had composed a saraband, +which either charmed or infatuated every person; for the whole guitarery +at court were trying at it; and God knows what an universal strumming +there was. The Duke of York, pretending not to be perfect in it, desired +Lord Arran to play it to him. Lady Chesterfield had the best guitar in +England. The Earl of Arran, who was desirous of playing his best, +conducted his Royal Highness to his sister's apartments: she was lodged +at court, at her father's, the Duke of Ormond's; and this wonderful +guitar was lodged there too. Whether this visit had been preconcerted +or not, I do not pretend to say; but it is certain that they found both +the lady and the guitar at home: they likewise found there Lord +Chesterfield, so much surprised at this unexpected visit, that it was a +considerable time before he thought of rising from his seat to receive +them with due respect. + +Jealousy, like a malignant vapour, now seized upon his brain: a thousand +suspicions, blacker than ink, took possession of his imagination, and +were continually increasing; for, whilst the brother played upon the +guitar to the duke, the sister ogled and accompanied him with her eyes, +as if the coast had been clear, and no enemy to observe them. This +saraband was at least repeated twenty times: the duke declared it was +played to perfection: Lady Chesterfield found fault with the composition; +but her husband, who clearly perceived that he was the person played +upon, thought it a most detestable piece. However, though he was in the +last agony at being obliged to curb his passion while others gave a free +scope to theirs, he was resolved to find out the drift of the visit; but +it was not in his power: for, having the honour to be chamberlain to the +queen, a messenger came to require his immediate attendance on her +majesty. His first thought was to pretend sickness: the second to +suspect that the queen, who sent for him at such an unseasonable time, +was in the plot; but at last, after all the extravagant ideas of a +suspicious man, and all the irresolutions of a jealous husband, he was +obliged to go. + +We may easily imagine what his state of mind was when he arrived at the +palace. Alarms are to the jealous what disasters are to the unfortunate: +they seldom come alone, but form a series of persecution. He was +informed that he was sent for to attend the queen at an audience she gave +to seven or eight Muscovite ambassadors: he had scarce begun to curse the +Muscovites, when his brother-in-law appeared, and drew upon himself all +the imprecations he bestowed upon the embassy: he no longer doubted his +being in the plot with the two persons he had left together, and in his +heart sincerely wished him such recompense for his good offices as such +good offices deserved. It was with great difficulty that he restrained +himself from immediately acquainting him what was his opinion of such +conduct: he thought that what he had already seen was a sufficient proof +of his wife's infidelity; but before the end of the very same day, some +circumstances occurred which increased his suspicions, and persuaded him +that they had taken advantage of his absence, and of the honourable +officiousness of his brother-in-law. He passed, however, that night with +tranquillity; but the next morning, being reduced to the necessity either +of bursting or giving vent to his sorrows and conjectures, he did nothing +but think and walk about the room until Park-time. He went to court, +seemed very busy, as if seeking for some person or other, imagining that +people guessed at the subject of his uneasiness: he avoided everybody, +but at length meeting with Hamilton, he thought he was the very man that +be wanted; and, having desired him to take an airing with him in Hyde +Park, he took him up in his coach, and they arrived at the Ring, without +a word having passed between them. + +Hamilton, who saw him as yellow as jealousy itself, and particularly +thoughtful, imagined that he had just discovered what all the world had +perceived long before; when Chesterfield, after a broken, insignificant +preamble, asked him how he succeeded with Lady Castlemaine. Hamilton, +who very well saw that he meant nothing by this question, nevertheless +thanked him; and as he was thinking of an answer: "Your cousin," said the +earl, "is extremely coquettish, and I have some reason to suppose she is +not so prudent as she ought to be." Hamilton thought the last charge a +little too severe; and as he was endeavouring to refute it: "Good God!" +said my lord, "you see, as well as the whole court, what airs she gives +herself: husbands are always the last people that are spoken to about +those affairs that corcern them the most; but they are not always the +last to perceive it themselves: though you have made me your confidant +in other matters, yet I am not at all surprised you have concealed this +from me; but as I flatter myself with having some share in your esteem, +I should be sorry you should think me such a fool as to be incapable of +seeing, though I am so complaisant as not to express my sentiments: +nevertheless, I find that affairs are now carried on with such barefaced +boldness, that at length I find I shall be forced to take some course or +other. God forbid that I should act the ridiculous part of a jealous +husband: the character is odious; but then I do not intend, through an +excess of patience, to be made the jest of the town. Judge, therefore, +from what I am going to tell you, whether I ought to sit down +unconcerned, or whether I ought to take measures for the preservation +of my honour. + +"His royal highness honoured me yesterday by a visit to my wife." +Hamilton started at this beginning. "Yes," continued the other, "he did +give himself that trouble, and Lord Arran took upon himself that of +bringing him: do not you wonder, that a man of his birth should act such +a part? What advancement can he expect from one who employs him in such +base services? But we have long known him to be one of the silliest +creatures in England, with his guitar, and his other whims and follies." +Chesterfield, after this short sketch of his brother-in-law's merit, +began to relate the observations he had made during the visit, and asked +Hamilton what he thought of his cousin Arran, who had so obligingly left +them together. "This may appear surprising to you," continued he, "but +hear me out, and judge whether I have reason to think that the close of +this pretty visit passed in perfect innocence. Lady Chesterfield is +amiable, it must be acknowledged; but she is far from being such a +miracle of beauty as she supposes herself: you know she has ugly feet; +but perhaps you are not acquainted that she has still worse legs." +"Pardon me," said Hamilton, within himself: and the other continuing the +description: "Her legs," said his lordship, "are short and thick; and, to +remedy these defects as much as possible, she seldom wears any other than +green stockings." + +Hamilton could not for his life imagine the drift of all this discourse, +and Chesterfield, guessing his thoughts: "Have a little patience," said +he: "I went yesterday to Miss Stewart's, after the audience of those +damned Muscovites: the king arrived there just before me; and as if the +duke had sworn to pursue me wherever I went that day, he came in just +after me. The conversation turned upon the extraordinary appearance of +the ambassadors. I know not where that fool Crofts had heard that all +these Muscovites had handsome wives; and that all their wives had +handsome legs. Upon this the king maintained that no woman ever had +such handsome legs as Miss Stewart; and she, to prove the truth of his +majesty's assertion, with the greatest imaginable ease, immediately +shewed her leg above the knee. Some were ready to prostrate themselves, +in order to adore its beauty; for indeed none can be handsomer; but the +duke alone began to criticise upon it. He contended that it was too +slender, and that as for himself he would give nothing for a leg that was +not thicker and shorter, and concluded by saying that no leg was worth +anything without green stockings. Now this, in my opinion, was a +sufficient demonstration that he had just seen green stockings, and had +them fresh in his remembrance." + +Hamilton was at a loss what countenance to put on during a narrative +which raised in him nearly the same conjectures; he shrugged up his +shoulders, and faintly said that appearances were often deceitful; that +Lady Chesterfield had the foible of all beauties, who place their merit +on the number of their admirers; and whatever airs she might imprudently +have given herself, in order not to discourage his royal highness, there +was no ground to suppose that she would indulge him in any greater +liberties to engage him: but in vain was it that he endeavoured to give +that consolation to his friend which he did not feel himself. +Chesterfield plainly perceived he did not think of what he was saying; +however, he thought himself much obliged to him for the interest he +seemed to take in his concerns. + +Hamilton was in haste to go home to vent his spleen and resentment in a +letter to his cousin. The style of this billet was very different from +those which he formerly was accustomed to write to her: reproaches, +bitter expostulations, tenderness, menaces, and all the effusions of a +lover who thinks he has reason to complain, composed this epistle; which, +for fear of accidents, he went to deliver himself. + +Never did she before appear so lovely, and never did her eyes speak so +kindly to him as at this moment: his heart quite relented; but he was +determined not to lose all the fine things he had said in his letter. +In receiving it, she squeezed his hand: this action completely disarmed +him, and he would have given his life to have had his letter again. It +appeared to him at this instant that all the grievances he complained of +were visionary and groundless: he looked upon her husband as a madman and +an impostor, and quite the reverse of what he supposed him to be a few +minutes before; but this remorse came a little too late: he had delivered +his billet, and Lady Chesterfield had shewn such impatience and eagerness +to read it as soon as she had got it that all circumstances seemed to +conspire to justify her, and to confound him. She managed to get quit, +some way or other, of some troublesome visitors, to slip into her closet. +He thought himself so culpable that he had not the assurance to wait her +return: he withdrew with the rest of the company; but he did not dare to +appear before her the next day, to have an answer to his letter: however, +he met her at court; and this was the first time, since the commencement +of their amour, that he did not seek for her. He stood at a distance, +with downcast looks, and appeared in such terrible embarrassment that his +condition was sufficient to raise laughter or to cause pity, when Lady +Chesterfield approaching, thus accosted him: "Confess," said she, "that +you are in as foolish a situation as any man of sense can be: you wish +you had not written to me: you are desirous of an answer: you hope for +none: yet you equally wish for and dread it: I have, however, written you +one." She had not time to say more; but the few words she had spoken +were accompanied with such an air, and such a look, as to make him +believe that it was Venus with all her graces who had addressed him. He +was near her when she sat down to cards, and as he was puzzling himself +to devise by what means he should get this answer, she desired him to lay +her gloves and fan down somewhere: he took them, and with them the billet +in question; and as he had perceived nothing severe or angry in the +conversation he had with her, he hastened to open her letter, and read as +follows: + +"Your transports are so ridiculous that it is doing you a favour to +attribute them to an excess of tenderness, which turns your head: a man, +without doubt, must have a great inclination to be jealous, to entertain +such an idea of the person you mention. Good God! what a lover to have +caused uneasiness to a man of genius, and what a genius to have got the +better of mine! Are not you ashamed to give any credit to the visions of +a jealous fellow who brought nothing else with him from Italy? Is it +possible that the story of the green stockings, upon which he has founded +his suspicions, should have imposed upon you, accompanied as it is with +such pitiful circumstances? Since he has made you his confidant, why did +not he boast of breaking in pieces my poor harmless guitar? This +exploit, perhaps, might have convinced you more than all the rest: +recollect yourself, and if you are really in love with me, thank fortune +for a groundless jealousy, which diverts to another quarter the attention +he might pay to my attachment for the most amiable and the most dangerous +man of the court." + +Hamilton was ready to weep for joy at these endearing marks of kindness, +of which he thought himself so unworthy he was not satisfied with +kissing, in raptures, every part of this billet; he also kissed several +times her gloves and her fan. Play being over, Lady Chesterfield +received them from his hands, and read in his eyes the joy that her +billet had raised in his heart. Nor was he satisfied with expressing his +raptures, only by looks: he hastened home, and wrote to her at least four +times as much. How different was this letter from the other! Though +perhaps not so well written; for one does not show so much wit in suing +for pardon, as in venting reproaches, and it seldom happens that the soft +languishing style of a love-letter is so penetrating as that of +invective. + +Be that as it may, his peace was made: their past quarrel gave new life +to their correspondence; and Lady Chesterfield, to make him as easy as he +had before been distrustful expressed on every occasion a feigned +contempt for his rival, and a sincere aversion for her husband. + +So great was his confidence in her, that he consented she should show in +public some marks of attention to the duke, in order to conceal as much +as possible their private intelligence. Thus, at this time nothing +disturbed his peace of mind, but his impatience of finding a favourable +opportunity for the completion of his desires: he thought it was in her +power to command it; but she excused herself on account of several +difficulties which she enumerated to him, and which she was desirous he +should remove by his industry and attentions. + +This silenced his complaints; but whilst he was endeavouring to surmount +these obstacles, still wondering how it was possible that two persons who +were so well disposed to each other, and who were agreed to make each +other happy, could not put their designs in execution, accident +discovered an unexpected adventure, which left him no room to doubt, +either of the happiness of his rival, or of the perfidy of his mistress. + +Misfortunes often fall light when most feared; and frequently prove +heaviest when merited, and when least suspected. Hamilton was in the +middle of the most tender and passionate letter he had ever written to +Lady Chesterfield, when her husband came to announce to him the +particulars of this last discovery: he came so suddenly upon him, that he +had only just time to conceal his amorous epistle among his other papers. +His heart and mind were still so full of what he was writing to his +cousin, that her husband's complaints against her, at first, were scarce +attended to; besides, in his opinion, he had come in the most unfortunate +moment on all accounts. + +He was, however, obliged to listen to him, and he soon entertained quite +different sentiments: he appeared almost petrified with astonishment, +while the earl was relating to him circumstances of such an extravagant +indiscretion, as seemed to him quite incredible, notwithstanding the +particulars of the fact. "You have reason to be surprised at it," said +my lord, concluding his story; "but if you doubt the truth of what I tell +you, it will be easy for you to find evidence that will convince you; for +the scene of their tender familiarities was no less public than the room +where the queen plays at cards, which while her majesty was at play, was, +God knows, pretty well crowded. Lady Denham was the first who discovered +what they thought would pass unperceived in the crowd; and you may very +well judge hew secret she would keep such a circumstance. The truth is, +she addressed herself to me first of all, as I entered the room, to tell +me that I should give my wife a little advice, as other people might take +notice of what I might see myself, if I pleased. + +"Your cousin was at play, as I before told you: the duke was sitting next +to her: I know not what was become of his hand; but I am sure that no one +could see his arm below the elbow: I was standing behind them, just in +the place that Lady Denham had quitted: the duke turning round perceived +me, and was so much disturbed at my presence, that he almost undressed my +lady in pulling away his hand. I know not whether they perceived that +they were discovered; but of this I am convinced, that Lady Denham will +take care that everybody shall know it. I must confess to you, that my +embarrassment is so great, that I cannot find words to express what I now +feel: I should not hesitate one moment what course to take, if I might be +allowed to show my resentment against the person who has wronged me. As +for her, I could manage her well enough, if, unworthy as she is of any +consideration, I had not still some regard for an illustrious family, +that would be distracted were I to resent such an injury as it deserves. +In this particular you are interested yourself: you are my friend, and I +make you my confidant in an affair of the greatest imaginable delicacy: +let us then consult together what is proper to be done in so perplexing +and disagreeable a situation." + +Hamilton, if possible, more astonished, and more confounded than himself, +was far from being in a proper state to afford him advice on the present +occasion: he listened to nothing but jealousy, and breathed nothing but +revenge; but these emotions being somewhat abated, in hopes that there +might be calumny, or at least exaggeration in the charges against Lady +Chesterfield, he desired her husband to suspend his resolutions, until he +was more fully informed of the fact; assuring him, however, that if he +found the circumstances such as he had related, he should regard and +consult no other interest than his. + +Upon this they parted; and Hamilton found, on the first inquiry, that +almost the whole court was informed of the adventure, to which every one +added something in relating it. Vexation and resentment, inflamed his +heart, and by degrees extinguished every remnant of his former passion. + +He might easily have seen her, and have made her such reproaches as a man +is generally inclined to do, on such occasions; but he was too much +enraged to enter into any detail which might have led to an explanation: +he considered himself as the only person essentially injured in this +affair; for he could never bring his mind to think that the injuries of +the husband could be placed in competition with those of the lover. + +He hastened to Lord Chesterfield, in the transport of his passion, and +told him that he had heard enough to induce him to give such advice, as +he should follow himself in the same situation, and that if he wished to +save a woman so strongly prepossessed, and who perhaps had not yet lost +all her innocence, though she had totally lost her reason, he ought not +to delay one single instant, but immediately to carry her into the +country with the greatest possible expedition, without allowing her the +least time to recover her surprise. + +Lord Chesterfield readily agreed to follow this advice, which he had +already considered as the only counsel a friend could give him; but his +lady who did not suspect he had made this last discovery of her conduct, +thought he was joking with her, when he told her to prepare for going +into the country in two days: she was the more induced to think so as it +was in the very middle of an extremely severe winter; but she soon +perceived that he was in earnest: she knew from the air and manner of her +husband that he thought he had sufficient reason to treat her in this +imperious style; and finding all her relations serious and cold to her +complaint, she had no hope left in this universally abandoned situation +but in the tenderness of Hamilton. She imagined she should hear from him +the cause of her misfortunes, of which she was still totally ignorant, +and that his love would invent some means or other to prevent a journey, +which she flattered herself would be even more affecting to him than to +herself; but she was expecting pity from a crocodile. + +At last, when she saw the eve of her departure was come, that every +preparation was made for a long journey; that she was receiving farewell +visits in form, and that still she heard nothing from Hamilton, both her +hopes and her patience forsook her in this wretched situation. A few +tears perhaps might have afforded her some relief, but she chose rather +to deny herself that comfort, than to give her husband so much +satisfaction. Hamilton's conduct on this occasion appeared to her +unaccountable; and as he still never came near her, she found means +to convey to him the following billet. + +"Is it possible that you should be one of those, who, without vouchsafing +to tell me for what crime I am treated like a slave, suffer me to be +dragged from society? What means your silence and indolence in a +juncture wherein your tenderness ought most particularly to appear, and +actively exert itself? I am upon the point of departing, and am ashamed +to think that you are the cause of my looking upon it with horror, as I +have reason to believe that you are less concerned at it than any other +person: do, at least, let me know to what place I am to be dragged; what +is to be done with me within a wilderness? and on what account you, like +all the rest of the world, appear changed in your behaviour towards a +person whom all the world could not oblige to change with regard to you, +if your weakness or your ingratitude did not render you unworthy of her +tenderness." + +This billet did but harden his heart, and make him more proud of his +vengeance: he swallowed down full draughts of pleasure in beholding her +reduced to despair, being persuaded that her grief and regret for her +departure were on account of another person: he felt uncommon +satisfaction in having a share in tormenting her, and was particularly +pleased with the scheme he had contrived to separate her from a rival, +upon the very point perhaps of being made happy. Thus fortified as he +was against his natural tenderness, with all the severity of jealous +resentment, he saw her depart with an indifference which he did not even +endeavour to conceal from her: this unexpected treatment, joined to the +complication of her other misfortunes, had almost in reality plunged her +into despair. + +The court was filled with the story of this adventure; nobody was +ignorant of the occasion of this sudden departure, but very few approved +of Lord Chesterfield's conduct. In England they looked with astonishment +upon a man who could be so uncivil as to be jealous of his wife; and in +the city of London it was a prodigy, till that time unknown, to see a +husband have recourse to violent means, to prevent what jealousy fears, +and what it always deserves. They endeavoured, however, to excuse poor +Lord Chesterfield, as far as they could safely do it, without incurring +the public odium, by laying all the blame on his bad education. This +made all the mothers vow to God that none of their sons should ever set a +foot in Italy, lest they should bring back with them that infamous custom +of laying restraint upon their wives. + + + + +ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS: + +By a strange perversion of language, styled, all men of honour +Maxim of all jealous husbands +What jealousy fears, and what it always deserves + + + + + + + MEMOIRS OF COUNT GRAMMONT, VOLUME 5. + + By Anthony Hamilton + + EDITED, WITH NOTES, BY SIR WALTER SCOTT + + + + + CHAPTER NINTH. + + VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT. + + +Every man who believes that his honour depends upon that of his wife is +a fool who torments himself, and drives her to despair; but he who, being +naturally jealous, has the additional misfortune of loving his wife, and +who expects that she should only live for him; is a perfect madman, whom +the torments of hell have actually taken hold of in this world, and whom +nobody pities. All reasoning and observation on these unfortunate +circumstances attending wedlock concur in this, that precaution is vain +and useless before the evil, and revenge odious afterwards. + +The Spaniards, who tyrannise over their wives, more by custom than from +jealousy, content themselves with preserving the niceness of their honour +by duennas, grates, and locks. + +The Italians, who are wary in their suspicions, and vindictive in their +resentments, pursue a different line of conduct: some satisfy themselves +with keeping their wives under locks which they think secure: others by +ingenious precautions exceed whatever the Spaniards can invent for +confining the fair sex but the generality are of opinion, that in either +unavoidable danger or in manifest transgression, the surest way is to +assassinate. + +But, ye courteous and indulgent nations, who, far from admitting these +savage and barbarous customs, give full liberty to your dear ribs, and +commit the care of their virtue to their own discretion, you pass without +alarms or strife your peaceful days, in all the enjoyments of domestic +indolence! + +It was certainly some evil genius that induced Lord Chesterfield to +distinguish himself from his patient and good-natured countrymen, and +ridiculously to afford the world an opportunity of examining into the +particulars of an adventure which would perhaps never have been known +without the verge of the court, and which would everywhere have been +forgotten in less than a month; but now, as soon as ever he had turned +his back, in order to march away with his prisoner, and the ornaments she +was supposed to have bestowed upon him, God only knows what a terrible +attack there was made upon his rear: Rochester, Middlesex, Sedley, +Etheredge, and all the whole band of wits, exposed him in numberless +ballads, and diverted the public at his expense. + +The Chevalier de Grammont was highly pleased with these lively and +humorous compositions; and wherever this subject was mentioned, never +failed to produce his supplement upon the occasion: "It is strange," said +he, "that the country, which is little better than a gallows or a grave +for young people, is allotted in this land only for the unfortunate, and +not for the guilty! poor Lady Chesterfield, for some unguarded looks, is +immediately seized upon by an angry husband, who will oblige her to spend +her Christmas at a country-house, a hundred and fifty miles from London; +while here there are a thousand ladies who are left at liberty to do +whatever they please, and who indulge in that liberty, and whose conduct, +in short, deserves a daily bastinado. I name no person, God forbid I +should; but Lady Middleton, Lady Denham, the queen's and the duchess's +maids of honour, and a hundred others, bestow their favours to the right +and to the left, and not the least notice is taken of their conduct. As +for Lady Shrewsbury, she is conspicuous. I would take a wager she might +have a man killed for her every day, find she would only hold her head +the higher for it: one would suppose she imported from Rome plenary +indulgences for her conduct: there are three or four gentlemen who wear +an ounce of her hair made into bracelets, and no person finds any fault; +and yet shall such a cross-grained fool as Chesterfield be permitted to +exercise an act of tyranny, altogether unknown in this country, upon the +prettiest woman in England, and all for a mere trifle: but I am his +humble servant; his precautions will avail him nothing; on the contrary, +very often a woman, who had no bad intentions when she was suffered to +remain in tranquillity, is prompted to such conduct by revenge, or +reduced to it by necessity: this is as true as the gospel: hear now what +Francisco's saraband says on the subject: + + "Tell me, jealous-paced swain, + What avail thy idle arts, + To divide united hearts? + Love, like the wind, I trow, + Will, where it listeth, blow; + So, prithee, peace, for all thy cares are vain. + + "When you are by, + Nor wishful look, be sure, nor eloquent sigh, + Shall dare those inward fires discover, + Which burn in either lover + Yet Argus' self, if Argus were thy spy, + Should ne'er, with all his mob of eyes, + Surprise. + + "Some joys forbidden, + Transports hidden, + Which love, through dark and secret ways, + Mysterious love, to kindred souls conveys." + +The Chevalier de Grammont passed for the author of this sonnet: neither +the justness of the sentiment, nor turn of it, are surprisingly +beautiful; but as it contained some truths that flattered the genius of +the nation, and pleased those who interested themselves for the fair sex, +the ladies were all desirous of having it to teach their children. + +During all this time the Duke of York, not being in the way of seeing +Lady Chesterfield, easily forgot her: her absence, however, had some +circumstances attending it which could not but sensibly affect the +person who had occasioned her confinement; but there are certain +fortunate tempers to which every situation is easy; they feel neither +disappointment with bitterness, nor pleasure with acuteness. In the mean +time, as the duke could not remain idle, he had no sooner forgotten Lady +Chesterfield, but he began to think of her whom he had been in love with +before, and was upon the point of relapsing into his old passion for Miss +Hamilton. + +There was in London a celebrated portrait-painter called Lely, who had +greatly improved himself by studying the famous Vandyke's pictures, which +were dispersed all over England in abundance. Lely imitated Vandyke's +manner, and approached the nearest to him of all the moderns. The +Duchess of York, being desirous of having the portraits of the handsomest +persons at court, Lely painted them, and employed all his skill in the +performance; nor could he ever exert himself upon more beautiful +subjects. Every picture appeared a master-piece; and that of Miss +Hamilton appeared the highest finished: Lely himself acknowledged that he +had drawn it with a particular pleasure. The Duke of York took a delight +in looking at it, and began again to ogle the original: he had very +little reason to hope for success; and at the same time that his hopeless +passion alarmed the Chevalier de Grammont, Lady Denham thought proper to +renew the negotiation which had so unluckily been interrupted: it was +soon brought to a conclusion; for where both parties are sincere in a +negotiation, no time is lost in cavilling. Everything succeeded +prosperously on one side; yet, I know not what fatality obstructed the +pretensions of the other. The duke was very urgent with the duchess to +put Lady Denham in possession of the place which was the object of her +ambition; but as she was not guarantee for the performance of the secret +articles of the treaty, though till this time she had borne with patience +the inconstancy of the duke, and yielded submissively to his desires; +yet, in the present instance, it appeared hard and dishonourable to her, +to entertain near her person, a rival, who would expose her to the danger +of acting but a second part in the midst of her own court. However, she +saw herself upon the point of being forced to it by authority, when a far +more unfortunate obstacle for ever bereft poor Lady Denham of the hopes +of possessing that fatal place, which she had solicited with such +eagerness. + +Old Denham, naturally jealous, became more and more suspicious, and found +that he had sufficient ground for such conduct: his wife was young and +handsome, he old and disagreeable: what reason then had he to flatter +himself that Heaven would exempt him from the fate of husbands in the +like circumstances? This he was continually saying to himself; but when +compliments were poured in upon him from all sides, upon the place his +lady was going to have near the duchess's person, he formed ideas of what +was sufficient to have made him hang himself, if he had possessed the +resolution. The traitor chose rather to exercise his courage against +another. He wanted precedents for putting in practice his resentments in +a privileged country: that of Lord Chesterfield was not sufficiently +bitter for the revenge he meditated: besides, he had no country-house to +which he could carry his unfortunate wife. This being the case, the old +villain made her travel a much longer journey without stirring out of +London. Merciless fate robbed her of life, and of her dearest hopes, in +the bloom of youth. + +As no person entertained any doubt of his having poisoned her, the +populace of his neighbourhood had a design of tearing him in pieces, as +soon as he should come abroad; but he shut himself up to bewail her +death, until their fury was appeased by a magnificent funeral, at which +he distributed four times more burnt wine than had ever been drunk at any +burial in England. + + [The lampoons of the day, some of which are to be found in Andrew + Marvell's Works, more than insinuate that she was deprived of life + by a mixture infused into some chocolate. The slander of the times + imputed her death to the jealousy of the Duchess of York.] + +While the town was in fear of some great disaster, as an expiation for +these fatal effects of jealousy, Hamilton was not altogether so easy as +he flattered himself he should be after the departure of Lady +Chesterfield: he had only consulted the dictates of revenge in what he +had done. His vengeance was satisfied; but such was far from being the +case with his love; and having, since the absence of her he still +admired, notwithstanding his resentments, leisure to make those +reflections which a recent injury will not permit a man to attend to: +"And wherefore," said he to himself, "was I so eager to make her +miserable, who alone, however culpable she may be, has it in her power to +make me happy? Cursed jealousy!" continued he, "yet more cruel to those +who torment than to those who are tormented! What have I gained by +having blasted the hopes of a more happy rival, since I was not able to +perform this without depriving myself, at the same time, of her upon whom +the whole happiness and comfort of my life was centred." + +Thus, clearly proving to himself, by a great many reasonings of the same +kind, and all out of season, that in such an engagement it was much +better to partake with another than to have nothing at all, he filled his +mind with a number of vain regrets and unprofitable remorse, when he +received a letter from her who occasioned them, but a letter so exactly +adapted to increase them, that, after he had read it, he looked upon +himself as the greatest scoundrel in the world. Here it follows: + +"You will, no doubt, be as much surprised at this letter as I was at the +unconcerned air with which you beheld my departure. I am led to believe +that you had imagined reasons which, in your own mind, justified such +unseasonable conduct. If you are still under the impression of such +barbarous sentiments it will afford you pleasure to be made acquainted +with what I suffer in the most horrible of prisons. Whatever the country +affords most melancholy in this season presents itself to my view on all +sides: surrounded by impassable roads, out of one window I see nothing +but rocks, out of another nothing but precipices; but wherever I turn my +eyes within doors I meet those of a jealous husband, still more +insupportable than the sad objects that encompass me. I should add to +the misfortunes of my life that of seeming criminal in the eyes of a man +who ought to have justified me, even against convincing appearances, if +by my avowed innocence I had a right to complain or to expostulate: but +how is it possible for me to justify myself at such a distance; and how +can I flatter myself that the description of a most dreadful prison will +not prevent you from believing me? But do you deserve that I should wish +you did? Heavens! how I must hate you, if I did not love you to +distraction. Come, therefore, and let me once again see you, that you +may hear my justification; and I am convinced that if after this visit +you find me guilty it will not be with respect to yourself. Our Argus +sets out to-morrow for Chester, where a law-suit will detain him a week. +I know not whether he will gain it; but I am sure it will be entirely +your fault if he does not lose one, for which he is at least as anxious +as that he is now going after." + +This letter was sufficient to make a man run blindfold into an adventure +still more rash than that which was proposed to him, and that was rash +enough in all respects: he could not perceive by what means she could +justify herself; but as she assured him he should be satisfied with his +journey, this was all he desired at present. + +There was one of his relations with Lady Chesterfield, who, having +accompanied her in her exile, had gained some share in their mutual +confidence; and it was through her means he received this letter, with +all the necessary instructions about his journey and his arrival. +Secrecy being the soul of such expeditions, especially before an amour +is accomplished, he took post, and set out in the night, animated by the +most tender and flattering wishes, so that, in less than no time almost, +in comparison with the distance and the badness of the roads, he had +travelled a hundred and fifty tedious miles at the last stage he +prudently dismissed the post-boy. It was not yet daylight, and +therefore, for fear of the rocks and precipices mentioned in her letter, +he proceeded with tolerable discretion, considering he was in love. + +By this means he fortunately escaped all the dangerous places, and, +according to his instructions, alighted at a little hut adjoining to the +park wall. The place was not magnificent; but, as he only wanted rest, +it did well enough for that: he did not wish for daylight, and was even +still less desirous of being seen; wherefore, having shut himself up in +this obscure retreat, he fell into a profound sleep, and did not wake +until noon. As he was particularly hungry when he awoke, he ate and +drank heartily: and, as he was the neatest man at court, and was expected +by the neatest lady in England, he spent the remainder of the day in +dressing himself, and in making all those preparations which the time and +place permitted, without deigning once to look around him, or to ask his +landlord a single question. At last the orders he expected with great +impatience were brought him, in the beginning of the evening, by a +servant, who, attending him as a guide, after having led him for about +half an hour in the dirt, through a park of vast extent, brought him at +last into a garden, into which a little door opened: he was posted +exactly opposite to this door, by which, in a short time, he was to be +introduced to a more agreeable situation; and here his conductor left +him. The night advanced, but the door never opened. + +Though the winter was almost over, the cold weather seemed only to be +beginning: he was dirtied up to his knees in mud, and soon perceived that +if he continued much longer in this garden it would all be frozen. This +beginning of a very dark and bitter night would have been unbearable to +any other; but it was nothing to a man who flattered himself to pass the +remainder of it in the height of bliss. However, he began to wonder at +so many precautions in the absence of a husband his imagination, by a +thousand delicious and tender ideas supported him some time against the +torments of impatience and the inclemency of the weather; but he felt his +imagination, notwithstanding, cooling by degrees; and two hours, which +seemed to him as tedious as two whole ages, having passed, and not the +least notice being taken of him, either from the door or from the window, +he began to reason with himself upon the posture of his affairs, and what +was the fittest conduct for him to pursue in this emergency: "What if +I should rap at this cursed door," said he; "for if my fate requires that +I should perish, it is at least more honourable to die in the house than +to be starved to death in the garden but then," continued he, "I may, +thereby, perhaps, expose a person whom some unforeseen accident may, at +this very instant, have reduced to greater perplexity than even I myself +am in." This thought supplied him with a necessary degree of patience +and fortitude against the enemies he had to contend with; he therefore +began to walk quickly to and fro, with resolution to wait, as long as he +could keep alive, the end of an adventure which had such an uncomfortable +beginning. All this was to no purpose; for though he used every effort +to keep himself warm, and though muffled up in a thick cloak, yet he +began to be benumbed in all his limbs, and the cold gained the ascendancy +over all his amorous vivacity and eagerness. Daybreak was not far off, +and judging now that, though the accursed door should even be opened, it +would be to no purpose, he returned, as well as he could, to the place +from whence he had set out upon this wonderful expedition. + +All the faggots that were in the cottage were hardly able to unfreeze +him: the more he reflected on his adventure, the circumstances attending +it appeared still the more strange and unaccountable; but so far from +accusing the charming countess, he suffered a thousand different +anxieties on her account. Sometimes he imagined that her husband might +have returned unexpectedly; sometimes, that she might suddenly have been +taken ill; in short, that some insuperable obstacle had unluckily +interposed, and prevented his happiness, notwithstanding his mistress's +kind intentions towards him. "But wherefore," said he, "did she forget +me in that cursed garden? Is it possible that she could not find a +single moment to make me at least, some sign or other, if she could +neither speak to me nor give me admittance?" He knew not which of these +conjectures to rely upon, or how to answer his own questions; but as he +flattered himself that everything would succeed better the next night, +after having vowed not to set a foot again into that unfortunate garden, +he gave orders to be awakened as soon as any person should inquire for +him: then he laid himself down in one of the worst beds in the world, and +slept as sound as if he had been in the best: he supposed that he should +not be awakened, but either by a letter or a message from Lady +Chesterfield; but he had scarce slept two hours when he was roused by the +sound of the horn and the cry of the hounds. The but which afforded him +a retreat, joining, as we before said, to the park wall, he called his +host, to know what was the occasion of that hunting, which made a noise +as if the whole pack of hounds had been in his bed-chamber. He was told +that it was my lord hunting a hare in his park. "What lord?" said he, +in great surprise. "The Earl of Chesterfield," replied the pea sant. +He was so astonished at this that at first he hid his head under the bed- +clothes, under the idea that he already saw him entering with all his +bounds; but as soon as he had a little recovered himself he began to +curse capricious fortune, no longer doubting but this jealous fool's +return had occasioned all his tribulations in the preceding night. + +It was not possible for him to sleep again, after such an alarm; he +therefore got up, that he might revolve in his mind all the stratagems +that are usually employed either to deceive, or to remove out of the way, +a jealous scoundrel of a husband, who thought fit to neglect his law-suit +in order to plague his wife. He had just finished dressing himself, and +was beginning to question his landlord, when the same servant who had +conducted him to the garden delivered him a letter, and disappeared, +without waiting for an answer. This letter was from his relation, and +was to this effect: + +"I am extremely sorry that I have innocently been accessary to bringing +you to a place, to which you were only invited to be laughed at: I +opposed this journey at first, though I was then persuaded it was wholly +suggested by her tenderness; but she has now undeceived me: she triumphs +in the trick she has played you: her husband has not stirred from hence, +but stays at home, out of complaisance to her: he treats her in the most +affectionate manner; and it was upon their reconciliation that she found +out that you had advised him to carry her into the country. She has +conceived such hatred and aversion against you for it, that I find, from +her discourse, she has not yet wholly satisfied her resentment. Console +yourself for the hatred of a person, whose heart never merited your +tenderness. Return: a longer stay in this place will but draw upon you +some fresh misfortune: for my part, I shall soon leave her: I know her, +and I thank God for it. I do not repent having pitied her at first; but +I am disgusted with an employment which but ill agrees with my way of +thinking." + +Upon reading this letter, astonishment, shame, hatred, and rage, seized +at once upon his heart: then menaces, invectives, and the desire of +vengeance, broke forth by turns, and excited his passion and resentment; +but, after he deliberately considered the matter, he resolved that it was +now the best way quietly to mount his horse, and to carry back with him +to London a severe cold, instead of the soft wishes and tender desires he +had brought from thence. He quitted this perfidious place with much +greater expedition than he had arrived at it, though his mind was far +from being occupied with such tender and agreeable ideas: however, when +he thought himself at a sufficient distance to be out of danger of +meeting Lord Chesterfield and his hounds, he chose to look back, that +he might at least have the satisfaction of seeing the prison where this +wicked enchantress was confined; but what was his surprise, when he saw a +very fine house, situated on the banks of a river, in the most delightful +and pleasant country imaginable. Neither rock nor precipice was here to +be seen; for, in reality, they were only in the letter of his perfidious +mistress. This furnished fresh cause for resentment and confusion to a +man who thought himself so well acquainted with all the wiles, as well as +weaknesses, of the fair sex; and who now found himself the dupe of a +coquette, who was reconciled to her husband in order to be revenged on +her lover. + +At last he reached London, well furnished with arguments to maintain that +a man must be extremely weak to trust to the tenderness of a woman who +has once deceived him, but that he must be a complete fool to run after +her. + +This adventure not being much to his credit, he suppressed, as much as +possible, both the journey and the circumstances attending it; but, as we +may easily suppose, Lady Chesterfield made no secret of it, the king came +to the knowledge of it; and, having complimented Hamilton upon it, +desired to be informed of all the particulars of the expedition. The +Chevalier de Grammont happened to be present at this recital; and, having +gently inveighed against the treacherous manner in which he had been +used, said: "If she is to be blamed for carrying the jest so far, you +are no less to be blamed for coming back so suddenly, like an ignorant +novice. I dare lay an hundred guineas, she has more than once repented +of a resentment which you pretty well deserved for the trick you had +played her: women love revenge; but their resentments seldom last long; +and if you had remained in the neighbourhood till the next day, I will be +hanged if she would not have given you satisfaction for the first night's +sufferings." Hamilton being of a different opinion, the Chevalier de +Grammont resolved to maintain his assertion by a case in point; and, +addressing himself to the king: "Sir," said he, "your majesty, I suppose, +must have known Marion de l'Orme, the most charming creature in all +France: though she was as witty as an angel, she was as capricious as a +devil. This beauty having made me an appointment, a whim seized her to +put me off, and to give it to another; she therefore wrote me one of the +tenderest billets in the world, full of the grief and sorrow she was in, +by being obliged to disappoint me; on account of a most terrible +headache, that obliged her to keep her bed, and deprived her of the +pleasure of seeing me till the next day. This headache coming all of a +sudden, appeared to me very suspicious; and, never doubting but it was +her intention to jilt me: 'Very well, mistress coquette,' said I to +myself, 'if you do not enjoy the pleasure of seeing me this day, you +shall not enjoy the satisfaction of seeing another.' + +"Hereupon, I detached all my servants, some of whom patrolled about her +house, whilst others watched her door; one of the latter brought me +intelligence that no person had gone into her house all the afternoon; +but that a foot-boy had gone out as it grew dark; that he followed him as +far as the Rue Saint Antoine, where this boy met another, to whom he only +spoke two or three words. This was sufficient to confirm my suspicions, +and make me resolve either to make one of the party, or to disconcert it. + + [Marion de l'Orme, born at Chalons, in Champagne, was esteemed the + most beautiful woman of her times. It is believed that she was + secretly married to the unfortunate Monsieur Cinqmars. After his + death, she became the mistress of Cardinal Richelieu, and, at last, + of Monsieur d'Emery, superintendent of the finances.] + +"As the bagnio where I lodged was at a great distance from the Marais, as +soon as the night set in I mounted my horse, without any attendant. When +I came to the Place-Royale, the servant, who was sentry there, assured me +that no person was yet gone into Mademoiselle de l'Orme's house: I rode +forward towards the Rue Saint Antoine; and, just as I was going out of +the Place-Royale, I saw a man on foot coming into it, who avoided me as +much as he possibly could; but his endeavour was all to no purpose; I +knew him to be the Duke de Brissac, and I no longer doubted but he was my +rival that night: I then approached towards him, seeming as if I feared I +mistook my man; and, alighting with a very busy air 'Brissac, my friend,' +said I, 'you must do me a service of the very greatest importance: I have +an appointment, for the first time, with a girl who lives very near this +place; and, as this visit is only to concert measures, I shall make but a +very short stay: be so kind, therefore, as to lend me your cloak, and +walk my horse about a little, until I return; but, above all, do not go +far from this place: you see that I use you freely like a friend; but you +know it is upon condition that you may take the same liberty with me.' +I took his cloak, without waiting for his answer, and he took my horse by +the bridle, and followed me with his eye; but he gained no intelligence +by this; for, after having pretended to go into a house opposite to him, +I slipped under the piazzas to Mademoiselle de l'Orme's, where the door +was opened as soon as I knocked. I was so much muffled up in Brissac's +cloak that I was taken for him: the door was immediately shut, not the +least question asked me; and having none to ask myself I went straight to +the lady's chamber. I found her upon a couch in the most agreeable and +genteelest deshabille imaginable: she never in her life looked so +handsome, nor was so greatly surprised; and, seeing her speechless and +confounded: 'What is the matter, my fair one?' said I, 'methinks this is +a headache very elegantly set off; but your headache, to all appearance, +is now gone?' 'Not in the least,' said she, 'I can scarce support it, +and you will oblige me in going away that I may go to bed.' 'As for your +going to bed, to that I have not the least objection,' said I, 'but as +for my going away, that cannot be, my little princess: the Chevalier de +Grammont is no fool; a woman does not dress herself with so much care for +nothing.' 'You will find, however,' said she, 'that it is for nothing; +for you may depend upon it that you shall be no gainer by it.' 'What!' +said I, 'after having made me an appointment!' 'Well,' replied she +hastily, 'though I had made you fifty, it still depends upon me, whether +I chose to keep them or not, and you must submit if I do not.' 'This +might do very well,' said I, 'if it was not to give it to another.' +Mademoiselle de l'Orme, as haughty as a woman of the greatest virtue, +and as passionate as one who has the least, was irritated at a suspicion +which gave her more concern than confusion; and seeing that she was +beginning to put herself in a passion: 'Madam,' said I, 'pray do not talk +in so high a strain; I know what perplexes you: you are afraid lest +Brissac should meet me here; but you may make yourself easy on that +account: I met him not far from this place, and God knows that I have so +managed the affair as to prevent his visiting you soon.' Having spoken +these words in a tone somewhat tragical, she appeared concerned at first, +and, looking upon me with surprise: 'What do you mean about the Duke de +Brissac?' said she. 'I mean,' replied I, 'that he is at the end of the +street, walking my horse about; but, if you will not believe me, send one +of your own servants thither, or look at his cloak which I left in your +ante-chamber.' Upon this she burst into a fit of laughter, in the midst +of her astonishment, and, throwing her arms around my neck, 'My dear +Chevalier,' said she, 'I can hold out no longer; you are too amiable and +too eccentric not to be pardoned.' I then told her the whole story: she +was ready to die with laughing; and, parting very good friends, she +assured me my rival might exercise horses as long as he pleased, but that +he should not set his foot within her doors that night. + +"I found the duke exactly in the place where I had left him: I asked him +a thousand pardons for having made him wait so long, and thanked him a +thousand times for his complaisance. He told me I jested, that such +compliments were unusual among friends; and to convince me that he had +cordially rendered me this piece of service, he would, by all means, hold +my horse while I was mounting. I returned him his cloak, bade him good +night, and went back to my lodgings, equally satisfied with my mistress +and my rival. This," continued he, "proves that a little patience and +address are sufficient to disarm the anger of the fair, to turn even +their tricks to a man's advantage." + +It was in vain that the Chevalier de Grammont diverted the court with his +stories, instructed by his example, and never appeared there but to +inspire universal joy; for a long time he was the only foreigner in +fashion. Fortune, jealous of the justice which is done to merit, and +desirous of seeing all human happiness depend on her caprice, raised up +against him two competitors for the pleasure he had long enjoyed of +entertaining the English court; and these competitors were so much the +more dangerous, as the reputation of their several merits had preceded +their arrival, in order to dispose the suffrages of the court in their +favour. + +They came to display, in their own persons, whatever was the most +accomplished either among the men of the sword, or of the gown. The one +was the Marquis de Flamarens, the sad object of the sad elegies of the +Countess de la Suse, the other was the president Tambonneau, the most +humble and most obedient servant and admirer of the beauteous Luynes. As +they arrived together, they exerted every endeavour to shine in concert: +their talents were as different as their persons; Tambonneau, who was +tolerably ugly, founded his hopes upon a great store of wit, which, +however, no person in England could find out; and Flamarens, by his air +and mien, courted admiration, which was flatly denied him. + +They had agreed mutually to assist each other, in order to succeed in +their intentions; and therefore, in their first visits, the one appeared +in state, and the other was the spokesman. But they found the ladies in +England of a far different taste from those who had rendered them famous +in France: the rhetoric of the one had no effect on the fair sex, and the +fine mien of the other distinguished him only in a minuet, which he first +introduced into England, and which he danced with tolerable success. +The English court had been too long accustomed to the solid wit of Saint +Evremond, and the natural and singular charms of his hero, to be seduced +by appearances; however, as the English have, in general, a sort of +predilection in favour of anything that has the appearance of bravery, +Flamarens was better received on account of a duel, which, obliging him +to leave his own country, was a recommendation to him in England. + +Miss Hamilton had, at first, the honour of being distinguished by +Tambonneau, who thought she possessed a sufficient share of wit to +discover the delicacy of his; and, being delighted to find that nothing +was lost in her conversation, either as to the turn, the expression, or +beauty of the thought, he frequently did her the favour to converse with +her; and, perhaps, he would never have found out that he was tiresome, +if, contenting himself with the display of his eloquence, he had not +thought proper to attack her heart. This was carrying the matter a +little too far for Miss Hamilton's complaisance, who was of opinion +that she had already shown him too much for the tropes of his harangues: +he was therefore desired to try somewhere else the experiment of his +seducing tongue, and not to lose the merit of his former constancy +by an infidelity which would be of no advantage to him. + +He followed this advice like a wise and tractable man; and some time +after, returning to his old mistress in France, he began to lay in a +store of politics for those important negotiations in which he has since +been employed. + +It was not till after his departure that the Chevalier de Grammont heard +of the amorous declaration he had made: this was a confidence of no great +importance; it, however, saved Tambonneau from some ridicule which might +have fallen to his share before he went away. His colleague, Flamarens, +deprived of his support, soon perceived that he was not likely to meet in +England with the success he had expected, both from love and fortune: but +Lord Falmouth, ever attentive to the glory of his master, in the relief +of illustrious men in distress, provided for his subsistence, and Lady +Southesk for his pleasures: he obtained a pension from the king, and from +her everything he desired; and most happy was it for him that she had no +other present to bestow but that of her heart. + +It was at this time that Talbot, whom we have before mentioned, and +who was afterwards created Duke of Tyrconnel, fell in love with Miss +Hamilton. There was not a more genteel man at court: he was indeed but +a younger brother, though of a very ancient family, which, however, was +not very considerable either for its renown or its riches; and though he +was naturally of a careless disposition, yet, being intent upon making +his fortune, and much in favour with the Duke of York, and fortune +likewise favouring him at play, he had improved both so well that he was +in possession of about forty thousand pounds a year in land. He offered +himself to Miss Hamilton, with this fortune, together with the almost +certain hopes of being made a peer of the realm, by his master's credit; +and, over-and-above all, as many sacrifices as she could desire of Lady +Shrewsbury's letters, pictures, and hair; curiosities which, indeed, are +reckoned for nothing in housekeeping, but which testify strongly in +favour of the sincerity and merit of a lover. + +Such a rival was not to be despised; and the Chevalier de Grammont +thought him the more dangerous, as he perceived that Talbot was +desperately in love; that he was not a man to be discouraged by a first +repulse; that he had too much sense and good breeding to draw upon +himself either contempt or coldness by too great eagerness; and, besides +this, his brothers began to frequent the house. One of these brothers +was almoner to the queen, an intriguing Jesuit, and a great match-maker: +the other was what was called a lay-monk, who had nothing of his order +but the immorality and infamy of character which is ascribed to them; and +withal, frank and free, and sometimes entertaining, but ever ready to +speak bold and offensive truths, and to do good offices. + +When the Chevalier de Grammont reflected upon all these things, there +certainly was strong ground for uneasiness: nor was the indifference +which Miss Hamilton showed for the addresses of his rival sufficient to +remove his fears; for being absolutely dependent on her father's will, +she could only answer for her own intentions: but Fortune, who seemed to +have taken him under her protection in England, now delivered him from +all his uneasiness. + +Talbot had for many years stood forward as the patron of the distressed +Irish: this zeal for his countrymen was certainly very commendable in +itself; at the same time, however, it was not altogether free from self- +interest: for, out of all the estates he had, through his credit, +procured the restoration of to their primitive owners, he had always +obtained some small compensation for himself; but, as each owner found +his advantage in it, no complaint was made. Nevertheless, as it is very +difficult to use fortune and favour with moderation, and not to swell +with the gales of prosperity, some of his proceedings had an air of +haughtiness and independence, which offended the Duke of Ormond, then +Lord Lieutenant of Ireland, as injurious to his Grace's authority. The +Duke resented this behaviour with great spirit. As there certainly was +a great difference between them, both as to their birth and rank, and +to their credit, it had been prudent in Talbot to have had recourse to +apologies and submission; but such conduct appeared to him base, and +unworthy for a man of his importance to submit to: he accordingly acted +with haughtiness and insolence; but he was soon convinced of his error; +for, having inconsiderately launched out into some arrogant expressions, +which it neither became him to utter nor the Duke of Ormond to forgive, +he was sent prisoner to the Tower, from whence he could not be released +until he had made all necessary submissions to his Grace: he therefore +employed all his friends for that purpose, and was obliged to yield more +to get out of this scrape than would have been necessary to have avoided +it. By this imprudent conduct he lost all hopes of marrying into a +family, which, after such a proceeding, was not likely to listen to any +proposal from him. + + [A very exact account of this transaction is given by Lord + Clarendon, by which it appears, that Talbot was committed to the + Tower for threatening to assassinate the Duke of Ormond-- + Continuation of Clarendon, p. 362.] + +It was with great difficulty and mortification that he was obliged to +suppress a passion which had made far greater progress in his heart than +this quarrel had done good to his affairs. This being the case, he was +of opinion that his presence was necessary in Ireland, and that he was +better out of the way of Miss Hamilton, to remove those impressions which +still troubled his repose: his departure, therefore, soon followed this +resolution. + +Talbot played deep, and was tolerably forgetful: the Chevalier de +Grammont won three or four hundred guineas of him the very evening on +which he was sent to the Tower. That accident had made him forget his +usual punctuality in paying the next morning whatever he had lost over- +night; and this debt had so far escaped his memory, that it never once +occurred to him after he was enlarged. The Chevalier de Grammont, who +saw him at his departure, without taking the least notice of the money he +owed him, wished him a good journey; and, having met him at court, as he +came to take his leave of the king: "Talbot," said he, "if my services +can be of any use to you during your absence, you have but to command +them: you know old Russell has left his nephew as his resident with Miss +Hamilton: if you please, I will act for you in the same capacity. Adieu, +God bless you: be sure not to fall sick upon the road; but if you should, +pray remember me in your will." Talbot, who, upon this compliment, +immediately recollected the money he owed the Chevalier, burst out a- +laughing, and embracing him: "My dear Chevalier," said he, "I am so much +obliged to you for your offer, that I resign you my mistress, and will +send you your money instantly." The Chevalier de Grammont possessed a +thousand of these genteel ways of refreshing the memories of those +persons who were apt to be forgetful in their payments. The following is +the method he used some years after with Lord Cornwallis: this lord had +married the daughter of Sir Stephen Fox,--treasurer of the king's +household, one of the richest and most regular men in England. His son- +in-law, on the contrary, was a young spendthrift, was very extravagant, +loved gaming, lost as much as any one would trust him, but was not quite +so ready at paying. His father-in-law disapproved of his conduct, paid +his debts, and gave him a lecture at the same time. The Chevalier de +Grammont had won of him a thousand or twelve hundred guineas, which he +heard no tidings of, although he was upon the eve of his departure, and +he had taken leave of Cornwallis in a more particular manner than any +other person. This obliged the Chevalier to write him a billet, which +was rather laconic. It was this: + + "MY LORD, + + "Pray remember the Count de Grammont, and do not forget Sir Stephen + Fox." + +To return to Talbot: he went away more concerned than became a man who +had voluntarily resigned his mistress to another: neither his stay in +Ireland, nor his solicitude about his domestic affairs, perfectly cured +him; and if at his return he found himself disengaged from Miss +Hamilton's chains, it was only to exchange them for others. The +alteration that had taken place in the two courts occasioned this +change in him, as we shall see in the sequel. + +We have hitherto only mentioned the queen's maids of honour, upon account +of Miss Stewart and Miss Warmestre the others were Miss Bellenden, +Mademoiselle de la Garde and Mademoiselle Bardou, all maids of honour, +as it pleased God. + +Miss Bellenden was no beauty, but was a good-natured girl, whose chief +merit consisted in being plump and fresh-coloured; and who, not having a +sufficient stock of wit to be a coquette in form, used all her endeavours +to please every person by her complaisance. Mademoiselle de la Garde, +and Mademoiselle Bardou, both French, had been preferred to their places +by the queen dowager: the first was a little brunette, who was +continually meddling in the affairs of her companions; and the other by +all means claimed the rank of a maid of honour, though she only lodged +with the others, and both her title and services were constantly +contested. + +It was hardly possible for a woman to be more ugly, with so fine a shape; +but as a recompense, her ugliness was set off with every art. The use +she was put to, was to dance with Flamarens, and sometimes, towards the +conclusion of a ball, possessed of castanets and effrontery, she would +dance some figured saraband or other, which amused the court. Let us now +see in what manner this ended. + +As Miss Stewart was very seldom in waiting on the queen, she was scarcely +considered as a maid of honour: the others went off almost at the same +time, by different adventures; and this is the history of Miss Warmestre, +whom we have before mentioned, when speaking of the Chevalier de +Grammont. + +Lord Taaffe, eldest son of the Earl of Carlingford, was supposed to be +in love with her; and Miss Warmestre not only imagined it was so, but +likewise persuaded herself that he would not fail to marry her the first +opportunity; and in the mean time she thought it her duty to entertain +him with all the civility imaginable. Taaffe had made the Duke of +Richmond his confidant: these two were particularly attached to each +other; but still more so to wine. The Duke of Richmond, notwithstanding +his birth, made but an indifferent figure at court; and the king +respected him still less than his courtiers did: and perhaps it was in +order to court his majesty's favour that he thought proper to fall in +love with Miss Stewart. The Duke and Lord Taaffe made each other the +confidants of their respective engagements; and these were the measures +they took to put their designs in execution. Little Mademoiselle de la +Gardet was charged to acquaint Miss Stewart that the Duke of Richmond +was dying of love for her, and that when he ogled her in public it was +a certain sign that he was ready to marry her, as soon as ever she would +consent. + +Taaffe had no commission to give the little ambassadress for Miss +Warmestre; for there everything was already arranged; but she was charged +to settle and provide some conveniences which were still wanting for the +freedom of their commerce, such as to have free egress and regress to her +at all hours of the day or night: this appeared difficult to be obtained, +but it was, however, at length accomplished. + +The governess of the maids of honour, who for the world would not have +connived at anything that was not fair and honourable, consented that +they should sup as often as they pleased in Miss Warmestre's apartments, +provided their intentions were honourable, and she one of the company. +The good old lady was particularly fond of green oysters, and had no +aversion to Spanish wine: she was certain of finding at every one of +these suppers two barrels of oysters; one to be eaten with the party, and +the other for her to carry away: as soon, therefore, as she had taken her +dose of wine, she took her leave of the company. + +It was much about the time that the Chevalier de Grammont had cast his +eyes upon Miss Warmestre, that this kind of life was led in her chamber. +God knows how many ham pies, bottles of wine, and other products of his +lordship's liberality were there consumed! + +In the midst of these nocturnal festivals, and of this innocent commerce, +a relation of Killegrew's came up to London about a lawsuit: he gained +his cause, but nearly lost his senses. + +He was a country gentleman, who had been a widower about six months, and +was possessed of fifteen or sixteen thousand pounds a-year: the good man, +who had no business at court, went thither merely to see his cousin +Killegrew, who could have dispensed with his visits. He there saw Miss +Warmestre; and at first sight fell in love with her. His passion +increased to such a degree that, having no rest either by day or night, +he was obliged to have recourse to extraordinary remedies; he therefore +early one morning called upon his cousin Killegrew, told him his case, +and desired him to demand Miss Warmestre in marriage for him. + +Killegrew was struck with wonder and astonishment when he heard his +design: nor could he cease wondering at what sort of creature, of all the +women in London, his cousin had resolved upon marrying. It was some time +before Killegrew could believe that he was in earnest; but when he was +convinced that he was, he began to enumerate the dangers and +inconveniences attending so rash an enterprise. He told him that a girl +educated at court, was a terrible piece of furniture for the country; +that to carry her thither against her inclination, would as effectually +rob him of his happiness and repose, as if he was transported to hell; +that if he consented to let her stay, he needed only to compute what it +would cost him in equipage, table, clothes, and gaming-money, to maintain +her in London according to her caprices; and then to cast up how long his +fifteen thousand a-year would last. + +His cousin had already formed this computation; but, finding his reason +less potent than his love, he remained fixed in his resolution; and +Killegrew, yielding at length to his importunities, went and offered his +cousin, bound hand and foot, to the victorious fair. As he dreaded +nothing more than a compliance on her part, so nothing could astonish him +more than the contempt with which she received his proposal. The scorn +with which she refused him, made him believe that she was sure of Lord +Taaffe, and wonder how a girl like her could find out two men who would +venture to marry her. He hastened to relate this refusal, with all the +most aggravating circumstances, as the best news he could carry to his +cousin; but his cousin would not believe him: he supposed that Killegrew +disguised the truth, for the same reasons he had already alleged; and not +daring to mention the matter any more to him, he resolved to wait upon +her himself. He summoned all his courage for the enterprise, and got his +compliment by heart; but as soon as he had opened his mouth for the +purpose, she told him he might have saved himself the trouble of calling +on her about such a ridiculous affair; that she had already given her +answer to Killegrew; and that she neither had, nor ever should have, any +other to give; which words she accompanied with all the severity with +which importunate demands are usually refused. + +He was more affected than confounded at this repulse: everything became +odious to him in London, and he himself more so than all the rest: he +therefore left town, without taking leave of his cousin, went back to his +country seat, and thinking it would be impossible for him to live without +the inhuman fair, he resolved to neglect no opportunity in his power to +hasten his death. + +But whilst, in order to indulge his sorrow, he had forsaken all +intercourse with dogs and horses; that is to say, renounced all the +delights and endearments of a country squire, the scornful nymph, who was +certainly mistaken in her reckoning, took the liberty of being brought +to-bed in the face of the whole court. + +An adventure so public made no small noise, as we may very well +imagine: all the prudes at court at once broke loose upon it; and those +principally, whose age or persons secured them from any such scandal, +were the most inveterate, and cried most loudly for justice. But the +governess of the maids of honour, who might have been called to an +account for it, affirmed that it was nothing at all, and that she was +possessed of circumstances which would at once silence all censorious +tongues. She had an audience of the queen, in order to unfold the +mystery; and related to her majesty how everything had passed with her +consent, that is to say, upon honourable terms. + +The queen sent to inquire of Lord Taaffe, whether he acknowledged Miss +Warmestre for his wife: to which he most respectfully returned for +answer, that he neither acknowledged Miss Warmestre nor her child, and +that he wondered why she should rather father it upon him than any other. +The unfortunate Warmestre, more enraged at this answer than at the loss +of such a lover, quitted the court as soon as ever she was able, with a +resolution of quitting the world the first opportunity. + +Killegrew, being upon the point of setting out upon a journey, when this +adventure happened, thought he might as well call upon his afflicted +cousin in his way, to acquaint him with the circumstance; and as soon as +he saw him, without paying any attention to the delicacy of his love, or +to his feelings, he bluntly told him the whole story: nor did he omit any +colouring that could heighten his indignation, in order to make him burst +with shame and resentment. + +We read that the gentle Tiridates quietly expired upon the recital of the +death of Mariamne; but Killegrew's fond cousin falling devoutly upon his +knees, and lifting up his eyes to Heaven, poured forth this exclamation: + +"Praised be the Lord for a small misfortune, which perhaps may prove +the comfort of my life! Who knows but the beauteous Warmestre will now +accept of me for a husband; and that I may have the happiness of passing +the remainder of my days with a woman I adore, and by whom I may expect +to have heirs?" "Certainly," said Killegrew, more confounded than his +cousin ought to have been on such an occasion, "you may depend upon +having both: I make no manner of doubt but she will marry you as soon as +ever she is recovered from her lying-in; and it would be a great ill- +nature in her, who already knows the way, to let you want children: +however, in the meantime I advise you to take that she has already, +till you get more." + +Notwithstanding this raillery, all that was said did take place. This +faithful lover courted her, as if she had been the chaste Lucretia, or +the beauteous Helen: his passion even increased after marriage, and the +generous fair, first out of gratitude, and afterwards through +inclination, never brought him a child of which he was not the father; +and though there have been many a happy couple in England, this certainly +was the happiest. + +Some time after, Miss Bellenden, not being terrified by this example, +had the prudence to quit the court before she was obliged so to do: the +disagreeable Bardou followed her soon after; but for different reasons. +Every person was at last completely tired of her saraband, as well as of +her face; and the king, that he might see neither of them any more, gave +each a small pension for her subsistence. There now only remained little +Mademoiselle de la Garde to be provided for neither her virtues nor her +vices were sufficiently conspicuous to occasion her being either +dismissed from court, or pressed to remain there: God knows what would +have become of her, if a Mr. Silvius, a man who had nothing of a Roman in +him except the name, had not taken the poor girl to be his wife. We have +now shown how all these damsels deserved to be expelled, either for their +irregularities, or for their ugliness; and yet, those who replaced them +found means to make them regretted, Miss Wells only excepted. + +She was a tall girl, exquisitely shaped: she dressed very genteel, walked +like a goddess; and yet, her face, though made like those that generally +please the most, was unfortunately one of those that pleased the least: +nature had spread over it a certain careless indolence that made her look +sheepish. This gave but a bad opinion of her wit: and her wit had the +ill-luck to make good that opinion: however, as she was fresh coloured, +and appeared inexperienced, the king, whom the fair Stewart did not +render over nice as to the perfections of the mind, resolved to try +whether the senses would not fare better with Miss Wells's person than +fine sentiments with her understanding: nor was this experiment attended +with much difficulty: she was of a loyal family; and her father having +faithfully served Charles the First, she thought it her duty not to +revolt against Charles the Second. But this connection was not attended +with very advantageous circumstances for herself; some pretended that she +did not hold out long enough, and that she surrendered at discretion +before she was vigorously attacked; and others said, that his majesty +complained of certain other facilities still less pleasing. The Duke of +Buckingham made a couplet upon this occasion, wherein the king, speaking +to Progers, the confidant of his intrigues, puns upon the name of the +fair one, to the following purport: + + When the king felt the horrible depth of this Well, + "Tell me, Progers," cried Charlie, "where am I? oh tell! + Had I sought the world's centre to find, I had found it, + But this Well! ne'er a plummet was made that could sound it." + + [Edward Progers, Esq., was a younger son of Philip Progers, Esq., of + the family of Garreddin, in Monmouthshire. His father was a colonel + in the army, and equerry to James I. Edward was early introduced to + court, and, after having been page to Charles I., was made groom of + the bed-chamber to his son, while Prince of Wales. He attached + himself to the king's interest during the war with the parliament, + with laudable fidelity. The following letter, from which + antiquaries may derive the minute information that Charles II. did + wear mourning for a whole year for his father, serves to shew the + familiar style which Charles used to Progers, as well as his + straitened circumstances while in the island of Jersey. + + "Progers, I wold have you (besides the embroidred sute) bring me a + plaine riding suite, with an innocent coate, the suites I haue for + horsebacke being so spotted and spoiled that they are not to be + seene out of this island. The lining of the coate, and the petit + toies are referred to your greate discretion, provided there want + nothing when it comes to be put on. I doe not remember there was a + belt, or a hat-band, in your directions for the embroidred suite, + and those are so necessarie as you must not forget them. + + "Jearsey, 14th Jan. old stile, 1649. CHARLES R."] + +Miss Wells, notwithstanding this species of anagram upon her name, and +these remarks upon her person, shone the brightest among her new +companions. These were Miss Levingston, Miss Fielding, and Miss Boynton, +who little deserve to be mentioned in these memoirs; therefore we shall +leave them in obscurity until it please fortune to draw them out of it. + +This was the new establishment of maids of honour to the queen. The +Duchess of York, nearly about the same time, likewise recruited hers; but +showed, by a happier and more brilliant choice, that England possessed an +inexhaustible stock of beauties. But before we begin to speak of them, +let us see who were the first maids of honour to her royal highness, and +on what account they were removed. + +Besides Miss Blague and Miss Price, whom we have before mentioned, the +establishment was composed of Miss Bagot and Miss Hobart, the president +of the community. Miss Blague, who never knew the true reason of her +quarrel with the Marquis de Brisacier, took it up upon that fatal letter +she had received from him, wherein, without acquainting her that Miss +Price was to wear the same sort of gloves and yellow riband as herself, +he had only complimented her upon her hair, her fair complexion, and her +eyes marcassins. This word she imagined must signify something +particularly wonderful, since her eyes were compared to it; and being +desirous, some time afterwards, to know all the energy of the expression, +she asked the meaning of the French word marcassin. As there are no wild +boars in England, those to whom she addressed herself, told her that it +signified a young pig. This scandalous simile confirmed her in the +belief she entertained of his perfidy. Brisacier, more amazed at her +change, than she was offended at his supposed calumny, looked upon her +as a woman still more capricious than insignificant, and never troubled +himself more about her; but Sir Yarborough, of as fair a complexion as +herself, made her an offer of marriage in the height of her resentment, +and was accepted: chance made up this match, I suppose, as an experiment +to try what such a white-haired union would produce. + +Miss Price was witty; and as her person was not very likely to attract +many admirers, which, however, she was resolved to have, she was far from +being coy when an occasion offered: she did not so much as make any +terms: she was violent in her resentments, as well as in her attachments, +which had exposed her to some inconveniences; and she had very +indiscreetly quarrelled with a young girl whom Lord Rochester admired. +This connection, which till then had been a secret, she had the +imprudence to publish to the whole world, and thereby drew upon herself +the most dangerous enemy in the universe: never did any man write with +more ease, humour, spirit, and delicacy; but he was at the same time the +most severe satirist. + +Poor Miss Price, who had thus voluntarily provoked his resentment, was +daily exposed in some new shape: there was every day some new song or +other, the subject of which was her conduct, and the burden her name. +How was it possible for her to bear up against these attacks, in a court, +where every person was eager to obtain the most insignificant trifle that +came from the pen of Lord Rochester? The loss of her lover, and the +discovery that attended it, was only wanting to complete the persecution +that was raised against her. + +About this time died Dongan, a gentleman of merit, who was succeeded by +Durfort, afterwards Earl of Feversham, in the post of lieutenant of the +duke's life guards. Miss Price having tenderly loved him, his death +plunged her into a gulf of despair; but the inventory of his effects had +almost deprived her of her senses: there was in it a certain little box +sealed up on all sides: it was addressed in the deceased's own +handwriting to Miss Price; but instead of receiving it, she had not even +the courage to look upon it. The governess thought it became her in +prudence to receive it, on Miss Price's refusal, and her duty to deliver +it to the duchess herself, supposing it was filled with many curious and +precious commodities, of which perhaps she might make some advantage. +Though the duchess was not altogether of the same opinion, she had the +curiosity to see what was contained in a box sealed up in a manner so +particularly careful, and therefore caused it to be opened in the +presence of some ladies, who happened then to be in her closet. + +All kinds of love trinkets were found in it; and all these favours, it +appeared, came from the tender-hearted Miss Price. It was difficult to +comprehend how a single person could have furnished so great a +collection; for, besides counting the pictures, there was hair of all +descriptions, wrought into bracelets, lockets, and into a thousand other +different devices, wonderful to see. After these were three or four +packets of letters, of so tender a nature, and so full of raptures and +languors so naturally expressed, that the duchess could not endure the +reading of any more than the two first. + +Her royal highness was sorry that she had caused the box to be opened in +such good company; for being before such witnesses, she rightly judged it +was impossible to stifle this adventure; and, at the same time, there +being no possibility of retaining any longer such a maid of honour, Miss +Price had her valuables restored to her, with orders to go and finish her +lamentations, or to console herself for the loss of her lover, in some +other place. + +Miss Hobart's character was at that time as uncommon in England, as her +person was singular, in a country where, to be young, and not to be in +some degree handsome, is a reproach; she had a good shape, rather a bold +air, and a great deal of wit, which was well cultivated, without having +much discretion. She was likewise possessed of a great deal of vivacity, +with an irregular fancy: there was a great deal of fire in her eyes, +which, however, produced no effect upon the beholders and she had a +tender heart, whose sensibility some pretended was alone in favour +of the fair sex. + +Miss Bagot was the first that gained her tenderness and affection, which +she returned at first with equal warmth and sincerity; but perceiving +that all her friendship was insufficient to repay that of Miss Hobart, +she yielded the conquest to the governess's niece, who thought herself as +much honoured by it as her aunt thought herself obliged by the care she +took of the young girl. + +It was not long before the report, whether true or false, of this +singularity, spread through the whole court, where people, being yet so +uncivilized as never to have heard of that kind of refinement in love +of ancient Greece, imagined that the illustrious Hobart, who seemed so +particularly attached to the fair sex, was in reality something more +than she appeared to be. + +Satirical ballads soon began to compliment her upon these new attributes; +and upon the insinuations that were therein made, her companions began to +fear her. The governess, alarmed at these reports, consulted Lord +Rochester upon the danger to which her niece was exposed. She could not +have applied to a fitter person: he immediately advised her to take her +niece out of the hands of Miss Hobart; and contrived matters so well that +she fell into his own. The duchess, who had too much generosity not to +treat as visionary what was imputed to Miss Hobart, and too much justice +to condemn her upon the faith of lampoons, removed her from the society +of the maids of honour, to be an attendant upon her own person. + +Miss Bagot was the only one who was really possessed of virtue and beauty +among these maids of honour: she had beautiful and regular features, and +that sort of brown complexion, which, when in perfection, is so +particularly fascinating, and more especially in England, where it is +uncommon. There was an involuntary blush almost continually upon her +cheek, without having anything to blush for. Lord Falmouth cast his eyes +upon her: his addresses were better received than those of Miss Hobart, +and some time after Cupid raised her from the post of maid of honour to +the duchess to a rank which might have been envied by all the young +ladies in England. + +The Duchess of York, in order to form her new court, resolved to see all +the young persons that offered themselves, and, without any regard to +recommendations, to choose none but the handsomest. + +At the head of this new assembly appeared Miss Jennings and Miss Temple; +and indeed they so entirely eclipsed the other two, that we shall speak +of them only. + +Miss Jennings, adorned with all the blooming treasures of youth, had the +fairest and brightest complexion that ever was seen: her hair was of a +most beauteous flaxen: there was something particularly lively and +animated in her countenance, which preserved her from that insipidity +which is frequently an attendant on a complexion so extremely fair. Her +mouth was not the smallest, but it was the handsomest mouth in the world. +Nature had endowed her with all those charms which cannot be expressed, +and the graces had given the finishing stroke to them. The turn of her +face was exquisitely fine, and her swelling neck was as fair and as +bright as her face. In a word, her person gave the idea of Aurora, or +the goddess of the spring, "such as youthful poets fancy when they love." +But as it would have been unjust that a single person should have +engrossed all the treasures of beauty without any defect, there was +something wanting in her hands and arms to render them worthy of the +rest: her nose was not the most elegant, and her eyes gave some relief, +whilst her mouth and her other charms pierced the heart with a thousand +darts. + +With this amiable person she was full of wit and sprightliness, and all +her actions and motions were unaffected and easy: her conversation was +bewitching, when she had a mind to please; piercing and delicate when +disposed to raillery; but as her imagination was subject to flights, +and as she began to speak frequently before she had done thinking, her +expressions did not always convey what she wished; sometimes exceeding, +and at others falling short of her ideas. + +Miss Temple, nearly of the same age, was brown compared with the other: +she had a good shape, fine teeth, languishing, eyes, a fresh complexion, +an agreeable smile, and a lively air. Such was the outward form; but it +would be difficult to describe the rest; for she was simple and vain, +credulous and suspicious, coquettish and prudent, very self-sufficient +and very silly. + +As soon as these new stars appeared at the duchess's court, all eyes were +fixed upon them, and every one formed some design upon one or other of +them, some with honourable, and others with dishonest intentions. Miss +Jennings soon distinguished herself, and left her companions no other +admirers but such as remained constant from hopes of success: her +brilliant charms attracted at first sight, and the charms of her wit +secured her conquests. + +The Duke of York having persuaded himself that she was part of his +property, resolved to pursue his claim by the same title whereby his +brother had appropriated to himself the favours of Miss Wells; but he did +not find her inclined to enter into his service, though she had engaged +in that of the duchess. She would not pay any attention to the perpetual +ogling with which he at first attacked her. Her eyes were always +wandering on other objects, when those of his royal highness were looking +for them; and if by chance he caught any casual glance, she did not even +blush. This made him resolve to change his manner of attack: ogling +having proved ineffectual, he took an opportunity to speak to her; and +this was still worse. I know not in what strain he told his case; but it +is certain the oratory of the tongue was not more prevailing than the +eloquence of his eyes. + +Miss Jennings had both virtue and pride, and the proposals of the duke +were consistent with neither the one nor the other. Although from her +great vivacity one might suppose that she was not capable of much +reflection, yet she had furnished herself with some very salutary maxims +for the conduct of a young person of her age. The first was, that a lady +ought to be young to enter the court with advantage, and not old to leave +it with a good grace: that she could not maintain herself there but by a +glorious resistance, or by illustrious foibles and that, in so dangerous +a situation, she ought to use her utmost endeavours not to dispose of her +heart until she gave her hand. + +Entertaining such sentiments, she had far less trouble to resist the +duke's temptations, than to disengage herself from his perseverance: she +was deaf to all treaties for a settlement, with which her ambition was +sounded: and all offers of presents succeeded still worse. What was then +to be done to conquer an extravagant virtue that would not hearken to +reason? He was ashamed to suffer a giddy young girl to escape, whose +inclinations ought in some manner to correspond with the vivacity that +shone forth in all her actions, and who nevertheless thought proper to be +serious when no such thing as seriousness was required of her. + +After he had attentively considered her obstinate behaviour, he thought +that writing might perhaps succeed, though ogling, speeches, and +embassies had failed. Paper receives everything, but it unfortunately +happened that she would not receive the paper. Every day billets, +containing the tenderest expressions, and most magnificent promises, were +slipped into her pockets, or into her muff: this, however, could not be +done unperceived; and the malicious little gipsy took care that those who +saw them slip in, should likewise see them fall out, unperused and +unopened; she only shook her muff, or pulled out her handkerchief; as +soon as ever his back was turned, his billets fell about her like hail- +stones, and whoever pleased might take them up. The duchess was +frequently a witness of this conduct, but could not find in her heart to +chide her for her want of respect to the duke. After this, the charms +and prudence of Miss Jennings were the only subjects of conversation in +the two courts: the courtiers could not comprehend how a young creature, +brought directly from the country to court, should so soon become its +ornament by her attractions, and its example by her conduct. + +The king was of opinion that those who had attacked her had ill-concerted +their measures; for he thought it unnatural that she should neither be +tempted by promises, nor gained by importunity: she, especially, who in +all probability had not imbibed such severe precepts from the prudence of +her mother, who had never tasted any thing more delicious than the plums +and apricots of Saint Albans. Being resolved to try her himself, he was +particularly pleased with the great novelty that appeared in the turn of +her wit, and in the charms of her person; and curiosity, which at first +induced him to make the trial, was soon changed into a desire of +succeeding in the experiment. God knows what might have been the +consequence, for he greatly excelled in wit, and besides he was king: +two qualities of no small consideration. The resolutions of the fair +Jennings were commendable, and very judicious; but yet she was +wonderfully pleased with wit; and royal majesty prostrate at the feet +of a young person, is very persuasive. Miss Stewart, however, would +not consent to the king's project. + +She immediately took the alarm, and desired his majesty to leave to the +duke, his brother, the care of tutoring the duchess's maids of honour, +and only to attend to the management of his own flock, unless his majesty +would in return allow her to listen to certain proposals of a settlement +which she did not think disadvantageous. This menace being of a serious +nature, the king obeyed; and Miss Jennings had all the additional honour +which arose from this adventure: it both added to her reputation, and +increased the number of her admirers. Thus she continued to triumph over +the liberties of others without ever losing her own: her hour was not yet +come, but it was not far distant; the particulars of which we shall +relate as soon as we have given some account of the conduct of her +companion. + +Though Miss Temple's person was particularly engaging, it was +nevertheless eclipsed by that of Miss Jennings; but she was still more +excelled by the other's superior mental accomplishments. Two persons, +very capable to impart understanding, had the gift been communicable, +undertook at the same time to rob her of the little she really possessed: +these were Lord Rochester and Miss Hobart: the first began to mislead her +by reading to her all his compositions, as if she alone had been a proper +judge of them. He never thought proper to flatter her upon her personal +accomplishments; but told her that if heaven had made him susceptible of +the impressions of beauty, it would not have been possible for him to +have escaped her chains; but not being, thank God, affected with anything +but wit, he had the happiness of enjoying the most agreeable conversation +in the world without running any risk. After so sincere a confession he +either presented to her a copy of verses, or a new song, in which whoever +dared to come in competition in any respect with Miss Temple was laid +prostrate before her charms, most humbly to solicit pardon: such +flattering insinuations so completely turned her head that it was +a pity to see her. + +The duchess took notice of it, and well knowing the extent of both their +geniuses, she saw the precipice into which the poor girl was running +headlong without perceiving it; but as it is no less dangerous to forbid +a connection that is not yet thought of, than it is difficult to put an +end to one that is already well established, Miss Hobart was charged to +take care, with all possible discretion, that these frequent and long +conversations might not be attended with any dangerous consequences: with +pleasure she accepted the commission, and greatly flattered herself with +success. + +She had already made all necessary advances to gain possession of her +confidence and friendship; and Miss Temple, less suspicious of her than +of Lord Rochester, made all imaginable returns. She was greedy of +praise, and loved all manner of sweetmeats, as much as a child of nine or +ten years old: her taste was gratified in both these respects. Miss +Hobart having the superintendence of the duchess's baths, her apartment +joined them, in which there was a closet stored with all sorts of +sweetmeats and liqueurs: the closet suited Miss Temple's taste, as +exactly as it gratified Miss Hobart's inclination, to have something that +could allure her. + +Summer, being now returned, brought back with it the pleasures and +diversions that are its inseparable attendants. One day, when the ladies +had been taking the air on horseback, Miss Temple, on her return from +riding, alighted at Miss Hobart's, in order to recover her fatigue at the +expense of the sweetmeats, which she knew were there at her service; but +before she began she desired Miss Hobart's permission to undress herself, +and change her linen in her apartment; which request was immediately +complied with: "I was just going to propose it to you," said Miss Hobart, +"not but that you are as charming as an angel in your riding habit; but +there is nothing so comfortable as a loose dress, and being at one's +ease: you cannot imagine, my dear Temple," continued she, embracing her, +"how much you oblige me by thus free unceremonious conduct; but, above +all, I am enchanted with your particular attention to cleanliness: how +greatly you differ in this, as in many other things, from that silly +creature Jennings! Have you remarked how all our court fops admire her +for her brilliant complexion, which perhaps, after all, is not wholly her +own; and for blunders, which are truly original, and which they are such +fools as to mistake for wit: I have not conversed with her long enough to +perceive in what her wit consists; but of this I am certain, that if it +is not better than her feet, it is no great matter. What stories have I +heard of her sluttishness! No cat ever dreaded water so much as she +does: fie upon her! Never to wash for her own comfort, and only to +attend to those parts which must necessarily be seen, such as the neck +and hands." + +Miss Temple swallowed all this with even greater pleasure than the +sweetmeats; and the officious Hobart, not to lose time, was helping her +off with her clothes, while the chambermaid was coming. She made some +objections to this at first, being unwilling to occasion that trouble to +a person, who, like Miss Hobart, had been advanced to a place of dignity; +but she was overruled by her, and assured that it was with the greatest +pleasure she showed her that small mark of civility. The collation being +finished, and Miss Temple undressed: "Let us retire," said Miss Hobart, +"to the bathing closet, where we may enjoy a little conversation secure +from any impertinent visit." Miss Temple consented, and both of them +sitting down on a couch: "You are too young, my dear Temple," said she, +"to know the baseness of men in general, and too short a time acquainted +with the court to know the character of its inhabitants. I will give you +a short sketch of the principal persons, to the best of my knowledge, +without injury to any one; for I abominate the trade of scandal. + +"In the first place, then, you ought to set it down as an undoubted fact +that all courtiers are deficient either in honesty, good sense, judgment, +wit, or sincerity; that is to say, if any of them by chance possess some +one of these qualities, you may depend upon it he is defective in the +rest: sumptuous in their equipages, deep play, a great opinion of their +own merit, and contempt of that of others, are their chief +characteristics. + +"Interest or pleasure are the motives of all their actions: those who are +led by the first would sell God Almighty, as Judas sold his Master, and +that for less money. I could relate you a thousand noble instances of +this, if I had time. As for the sectaries of pleasure, or those who +pretend to be such, for they are not all so bad as they endeavour to make +themselves appear, these gentlemen pay no manner of regard either to +promises, oaths, law, or religion; that is to say, they are literally no +respecters of persons; they care neither for God nor man, if they can but +gain their ends. They look upon maids of honour only as amusements, +placed expressly at court for their entertainment; and the more merit any +one has, the more she is exposed to their impertinence, if she gives any +ear to them; and to their malicious calumnies, when she ceases to attend +to them. As for husbands, this is not the place to find them; for unless +money or caprice make up the match, there is but little hopes of being +married: virtue and beauty in this respect here are equally useless. +Lady Falmouth is the only instance of a maid of honour well married +without a portion; and if you were to ask her poor weak husband for what +reason he married her, I am persuaded that he can assign none, unless it +be her great red ears and broad feet. As for the pale Lady Yarborough, +who appeared so proud of her match, she is wife, to be sure, of a great +country bumpkin, who, the very week after their marriage, bid her take +her farewell of the town for ever, in consequence of five or six thousand +pounds a year he enjoys on the borders of Cornwall. Alas! poor Miss +Blague! I saw her go away about this time twelvemonth, in a coach with +four such lean horses, that I cannot believe she is yet half way to her +miserable little castle. What can be the matter! all the girls seem +afflicted with the rage of wedlock, and however small their portion of +charms may be, they think it only necessary to show themselves at court +in order to pick and choose their men: but was this in reality the case, +the being a wife is the most wretched condition imaginable for a person +of nice sentiments. Believe me, my dear Temple, the pleasures of +matrimony are so inconsiderable in comparison with its inconveniences, +that I cannot imagine how any reasonable creature can resolve upon it: +rather fly, therefore, from this irksome engagement than court it. +Jealousy, formerly a stranger to these happy isles, is now coming into +fashion, with many recent examples of which you are acquainted. However +brilliant the phantom may appear, suffer not yourself to be caught by its +splendour, and never be so weak as to transform your slave into your +tyrant: as long as you preserve your own liberty, you will be mistress of +that of others. I will relate to you a very recent proof of the perfidy +of man to our sex, and of the impunity they experience in all attempts +upon our innocence. The Earl of Oxford fell in love with a handsome, +graceful actress belonging to the duke's theatre, who performed to +perfection, particularly the part of Roxana, in a very fashionable new +play, insomuch that she ever after retained that name: this creature +being both very virtuous and very modest, or, if you please, wonderfully +obstinate, proudly rejected the addresses and presents of the Earl of +Oxford. This resistance inflamed his passion: he had recourse to +invectives, and even to spells; but all in vain. This disappointment had +such effect upon him that he could neither eat nor drink; this did not +signify to him; but his passion at length became so violent, that he +could neither play nor smoke. In this extremity love had recourse to +Hymen; the Earl of Oxford, one of the first peers of the realm, is, you +know, a very handsome man: he is of the order of the garter, which +greatly adds to an air naturally noble. In short, from his outward +appearance, you would suppose he was really possessed of some sense; +but as soon as ever you hear him speak, you are perfectly convinced of +the contrary. This passionate lover presented her with a promise of +marriage, in due form, signed with his own hand: she would not, however, +rely upon this, but the next day she thought there could be no danger, +when the earl himself came to her lodgings attended by a clergyman, and +another man for a witness: the marriage was accordingly solemnized with +all due ceremonies, in the presence of one of her fellow players, who +attended as a witness on her part. You will suppose, perhaps, that the +new countess had nothing to do but to appear at court according to her +rank, and to display the earl's arms upon her carriage. This was far +from being the case. When examination was made concerning the marriage, +it was found to be a mere deception: it appeared that the pretended +priest was one of my lord's trumpeters, and the witness his kettle +drummer. The parson and his companion never appeared after the ceremony +was over; and as for the other witness, they endeavoured to persuade her +that the Sultana Roxana might have supposed, in some part or other of a +play, that she was really married. It was all to no purpose, that the +poor creature claimed the protection of the laws of God and man, both +which were violated and abused, as well as herself, by this infamous +imposition: in vain did she throw herself at the King's feet to demand +justice: she had only to rise up again without redress; and happy might +she think herself to receive an annuity of one thousand crowns, and to +resume the name of Roxana, instead of Countess of Oxford. You will say, +perhaps, that she was only a player; that all men have not the same +sentiments as the earl; and, that one may at least believe them, when +they do but render justice to such merit as yours. But still do not +believe them, though I know you are liable to it, as you have admirers; +for all are not infatuated with Miss Jennings: the handsome Sydney ogles +you; Lord Rochester is delighted with your conversation; and the most +serious Sir Lyttleton forsakes his natural gravity in favour of your +charms. As for the first, I confess his figure is very likely to engage +the inclinations of a young person like yourself; but were his outward +form attended with other accomplishments, which I know it is not, and +that his sentiments in your favour were as real as he endeavours to +persuade you they are, and as you deserve, yet I would not advise you +to form any connections with him, for reasons which I cannot tell you +at present. + +"Sir Lyttleton is undoubtedly in earnest, since he appears ashamed of the +condition to which you have reduced him; and I really believe if he could +get the better of those vulgar chimerical apprehensions, of being what is +vulgarly called a cuckold, the good man would marry you, and you would be +his representative in his little government, where you might merrily pass +your days in casting up the weekly bills of housekeeping, and in darning +old napkins. What a glory would it be to have a Cato for a husband, +whose speeches are as many lectures, and whose lectures are composed of +nothing but ill-nature and censure! + +"Lord Rochester is, without contradiction, the most witty man in all +England; but then he is likewise the most unprincipled, and devoid even +of the least tincture of honour; he is dangerous to our sex alone; and +that to such a degree that there is not a woman who gives ear to him +three times, but she irretrievably loses her reputation. No woman can +escape him, for he has her in his writings, though his other attacks be +ineffectual; and in the age we live in, the one is as bad as the other in +the eye of the public. In the mean time nothing is more dangerous than +the artful insinuating manner with which he gains possession of the mind: +he applauds your taste, submits to your sentiments, and at the very +instant that he himself does not believe a single word of what he is +saying, he makes you believe it all. I dare lay a wager, that from the +conversation you have had with him, you thought him one of the most +honourable and sincerest men living; for my part I cannot imagine what he +means by the assiduity he pays you not but your accomplishments are +sufficient to excite the adoration and praise of the whole world; but had +he even been so fortunate as to have gained your affections, he would not +know what to do with the loveliest creature at court: for it is a long +time since his debauches have brought him to order, with the assistance +of the favours of all the common street-walkers. See then, my dear +Temple, what horrid malice possesses him, to the ruin and confusion of +innocence! A wretch! to have no other design in his addresses and +assiduities to Miss Temple, but to give a greater air of probability to +the calumnies with which he has loaded her. You look upon me with +astonishment, and seem to doubt the truth of what I advance; but I do not +desire you to believe me without evidence: 'Here,' said she, drawing a +paper out of her pocket, 'see what a copy of verses he has made in your +praise, while he lulls your credulity to rest, by flattering speeches and +feigned respect.'" + +After saying this, the perfidious Hobart showed her half-a-dozen couplets +full of strained invective and scandal, which Rochester had made against +the former maids of honour. This severe and cutting lampoon was +principally levelled against Miss Price, whose person he took to pieces +in the most frightful and hideous manner imaginable. Miss Hobart had +substituted the name of Temple instead of Price, which she made to agree +both with the measure and tune of the song. This effectually answered +Hobart's intentions: the credulous Temple no sooner heard her sing the +lampoon, but she firmly believed it to be made upon herself; and in the +first transports of her rage, having nothing so much at heart as to give +the lie to the fictions of the poet: "Ah! as for this, my dear Hobart," +said she, "I can bear it no longer: I do not pretend to be so handsome as +some others; but as for the defects that villain charges me with, I dare +say, my dear Hobart, there is no woman more free from them: we are alone, +and I am almost inclined to convince you by ocular demonstration." Miss +Hobart was too complaisant to oppose this motion; but, although she +soothed her mind by extolling all her beauties, in opposition to Lord +Rochester's song, Miss Temple was almost driven to distraction by rage +and astonishment, that the first man she ever attended to should, in his +conversation with her, not even make use of a single word of truth, but +that he should likewise have the unparalleled cruelty falsely to accuse +her of defects; and not being able to find words capable of expressing +her anger and resentment, she began to weep like a child. + +Miss Hobart used all her endeavours to comfort her, and chid her for +being so much hurt with the invectives of a person whose scandalous +impostures were too well known to make any impression: she however +advised her never to speak to him any more, for that was the only method +to disappoint his designs; that contempt and silence were, on such +occasions, much preferable to any explanation, and that if he could +once obtain a hearing, he would be justified, but she would be ruined. + +Miss Hobart was not wrong in giving her this counsel: she knew that an +explanation would betray her, and that there would be no quarter for her +if Lord Rochester had so fair an opportunity of renewing his former +panegyrics upon her; but her precaution was in vain: this conversation +had been heard from one end to the other, by the governess's niece, who +was blessed with a most faithful memory; and having that very day an +appointment with Lord Rochester, she conned it over three or four times, +that she might not forget one single word, when she should have the +honour of relating it to her lover. We shall show in the next chapter, +what were the consequences resulting from it. + + + +ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS: + +Better to partake with another than to have nothing at all +How I must hate you, if I did not love you to distraction +So weak as to transform your slave into your tyrant +Terrible piece of furniture for the country (educated girl) +What a glory would it be to have a Cato for a husband + + + + + + + MEMOIRS OF COUNT GRAMMONT, VOLUME 6. + + By Anthony Hamilton + + EDITED, WITH NOTES, BY SIR WALTER SCOTT + + + + + CHAPTER TENTH. + + OTHER LOVE INTRIGUES AT THE ENGLISH COURT. + + +The conversation before related was agreeable only to Miss Hobart; for if +Miss Temple was entertained with its commencement, she was so much the +more irritated by its conclusion this indignation was succeeded by the +curiosity of knowing the reason why, if Sidney had a real esteem for her, +she should not be allowed to pay some attention to him. + + [There is not a single prior reference to a "Sidney"--DW] + +As soon as they retired from the closet, Miss Sarah came out of the bath, +where during all this conversation, she had been almost perished with +cold, without daring to complain. This little gipsy had, it seems, +obtained leave of Miss Hobart's woman to bathe herself unknown to her +mistress; and having, I know not how, found means to fill one of the +baths with cold water, Miss Sarah had just got into it, when they were +both alarmed with the arrival of the other two. A glass partition +enclosed the room where the baths were, and Indian silk curtains, which +drew on the inside, screened those that were bathing. Miss Hobart's +chamber-maid had only just time to draw these curtains, that the girl +might not be seen to lock the partition door, and to take away the key, +before her mistress and Miss Temple came in. + +These two sat down on a couch placed along the partition, and Miss Sarah, +notwithstanding her alarms, had distinctly heard, and perfectly retained +the whole conversation. As the little girl was at all this trouble to +make herself clean, only on Lord Rochester's account, as soon as ever she +could make her escape she regained her garret; where Rochester, having +repaired thither at the appointed hour, was fully informed of all that +had passed in the bathing room. He was astonished at the audacious +temerity of Hobart, in daring to put such a trick upon him; but, though +he rightly judged that love and jealousy were the real motives, he would +not excuse her. Little Sarah desired to know whether he had a real +affection for Miss Temple, as Miss Hobart said she supposed that was the +case. "Can you doubt it," replied he, "since that oracle of sincerity +has affirmed it? But then you know that I am not now capable of +profiting by my perfidy, were I even to gain Miss Temple's compliance, +since my debauches and the street-walkers have brought me to order." + +This answer made Miss Sarah very easy, for she concluded that the first +article was not true, since she knew from experience that the latter was +false. Lord Rochester was resolved that very evening to attend the +duchess's court, to see what reception he would meet with after the fine +portrait Miss Hobart had been so kind as to draw of him. Miss Temple +did not fail to be there likewise, with the intention of looking on him +with the most contemptuous disdain possible, though she had taken care to +dress herself as well as she could. As she supposed that the lampoon +Miss Hobart had sung to her was in everybody's possession, she was under +great embarrassment lest all those whom she met should think her such a +monster as Lord Rochester had described her. In the mean time, Miss +Hobart, who had not much confidence in her promises never more to speak +to him, narrowly watched her. Miss Temple never in her life appeared so +handsome every person complimented her upon it; but she received all the +civilities with such an air, that every one thought she was mad; for when +they commended her shape, her fresh complexion, and the brilliancy of her +eyes: "Pshaw," said she, "it is very well known that I am but a monster, +and formed in no respect like other women: all is not gold that glisters; +and though I may receive some compliments in public, it signifies +nothing." All Miss Hobart's endeavours to stop her tongue were +ineffectual; and continuing to rail at herself ironically, the whole +court was puzzled to comprehend her meaning. + +When Lord Rochester came in, she first blushed, then turned pale, made a +motion to go towards him, drew back again, pulled her gloves one after +the other up to the elbow; and after having three times violently flirted +her fan, she waited until he paid his compliments to her as usual, and as +soon as he began to bow, the fair one immediately turned her back upon +him. Rochester only smiled, and being resolved that her resentment +should be still more remarked, he turned round and posting himself face +to face: "Madam," said he, "nothing can be so glorious as to look so +charming as you do, after such a fatiguing day: to support a ride of +three long hours, and Miss Hobart afterwards, without being tired, +shows indeed a very strong constitution." + +Miss Temple had naturally a tender look, but she was transported with +such a violent passion at his having the audacity to speak to her, that +her eyes appeared like two fireballs when she turned them upon him. +Hobart pinched her arm, as she perceived that this look was likely to be +followed by a torrent of reproaches and invectives. + +Lord Rochester did not wait for them, and delaying until another +opportunity the acknowledgments he owed Miss Hobart, he quietly retired. +The latter, who could not imagine that he knew anything of their +conversation at the bath, was, however, much alarmed at what he had said; +but Miss Temple, almost choked with the reproaches with which she thought +herself able to confound him and which she had not time to give vent +to, vowed to ease her mind of them upon the first opportunity, +notwithstanding the promise she had made; but never more to speak +to him afterwards. + +Lord Rochester had a faithful spy near these nymphs: this was Miss Sarah, +who, by his advice, and with her aunt's consent, was reconciled with Miss +Hobart, the more effectually to betray her: he was informed by this spy, +that Miss Hobart's maid, being suspected of having listened to them in +the closet, had been turned away; that she had taken another, whom in all +probability, she would not keep long, because, in the first place, she +was ugly, and, in the second, she eat the sweetmeats that were prepared +for Miss Temple. Although this intelligence was not very material, Sarah +was nevertheless praised for her punctuality and attention; and a few +days afterwards she brought him news of real importance. + +Rochester was by her informed, that Miss Hobart and her new favourite +designed, about nine o'clock in the evening to walk in the Mall, in the +Park; that they were to change clothes with each other, to put on scarfs, +and wear black-masks: she added, that Miss Hobart had strongly opposed +this project, but that she was obliged to give way at last, Miss Temple +having resolved to indulge her fancy. + +Upon the strength of this intelligence, Rochester concerted his measures: +he went to Killegrew, complained to him of the trick which Miss Hobart +had played him, and desired his assistance in order to be revenged: this +was readily granted, and having acquainted him with the measures he +intended to pursue, and given him the part he was to act in this +adventure, they went to the Mall. + +Presently after appeared our two nymphs in masquerade: their shapes were +not very different, and their faces, which were very unlike each other, +were concealed with their masks. The company was but thin in the Park; +and as soon as Miss Temple perceived them at a distance, she quickened +her pace in order to join them, with the design, under her disguise, +severely to reprimand the perfidious Rochester; when Miss Hobart stopping +her: "Where are you running to?" said she; "have you a mind to engage in +conversation with these two devils, to be exposed to all the insolence +and impertinence for which they are so notorious?" These remonstrances +were entirely useless: Miss Temple was resolved to try the experiment: +and all that could be obtained from her, was, not to answer any of the +questions Rochester might ask her. + +They were accosted just as they had done speaking: Rochester fixed upon +Hobart, pretending to take her for the other; at which she was overjoyed; +but Miss Temple was extremely sorry she fell to Killegrew's share, with +whom she had nothing to do: he perceived her uneasiness, and, pretending +to know her by her clothes: "Ah! Miss Hobart," said he, "be so kind as +look this way if you please: I know not by what chance you both came +hither, but I am sure it is very apropos for you, since I have something +to say to you, as your friend and humble servant." + +This beginning raising her curiosity, Miss Temple appeared more inclined +to attend him; and Killegrew perceiving that the other couple had +insensibly proceeded some distance from them: "In the name of God," said +he: "what do you mean by railing so against Lord Rochester, whom you know +to be one of the most honourable men at court, and whom you nevertheless +described as the greatest villain, to the person whom of all others he +esteems and respects the most? What do you think would become of you, if +he knew that you made Miss Temple believe she is the person alluded to in +a certain song, which you know as well as myself was made upon the clumsy +Miss Price, above a year before the fair Temple was heard of? Be not +surprised that I know so much of the matter; but pay a little attention, +I pray you, to what I am now going to tell you out of pure friendship: +your passion and inclinations for Miss Temple are known to every one but +herself; for whatever methods you used to impose upon her innocence, the +world does her the justice to believe that she would treat you as Lady +Falmouth did, if the poor girl knew the wicked designs you had upon her: +I caution you, therefore, against making any farther advances, to a +person, too modest to listen to them: I advise you likewise to take back +your maid again, in order to silence her scandalous tongue; for she says +everywhere, that she is with child, that you are the occasion of her +being in that condition, and accuses you of behaving towards her with the +blackest ingratitude, upon trifling suspicions only: you know very well, +these are no stories of my own invention; but that you may not entertain +any manner of doubt, that I had all this from her own mouth, she has told +me your conversation in the bathing-room, the characters you there drew +of the principal men at court, your artful malice in applying so +improperly a scandalous song to one of the loveliest women in all +England; and in what manner the innocent girl fell into the snare you had +laid for her, in order to do justice to her charms. But that which might +be of the most fatal consequences to you in that long conversation, is +the revealing certain secrets, which, in all probability, the duchess did +not entrust you with, to be imparted to the maids of honour: reflect upon +this, and neglect not to make some reparation to Sir Lyttleton, for the +ridicule with which you were pleased to load him. I know not whether he +had his information from your femme-de-chambre, but I am very certain +that he has sworn he will be revenged, and he is a man that keeps his +word; for after all, that you may not be deceived by his look, like that +of a Stoic, and his gravity, like that of a judge, I must acquaint you, +that he is the most passionate man living. Indeed, these invectives are +of the blackest and most horrible nature: he says it is most infamous, +that a wretch like yourself should find no other employment than to +blacken the characters of gentlemen, to gratify your jealousy; that if +you do not desist from such conduct for the future, he will immediately +complain of you; and that if her royal highness will not do him justice, +he is determined to do himself justice, and to run you through the body +with his own sword, though you were even in the arms of Miss Temple; and +that it is most scandalous that all the maids of honour should get into +your hands before they can look around them. + +"These things, madam, I thought it my duty to acquaint you with: you are +better able to judge than myself, whether what I have now advanced be +true, and I leave it to your own discretion to make what use you think +proper of my advice; but were I in your situation, I would endeavour to +reconcile Lord Rochester and Miss Temple. Once more I recommend to you +to take care that your endeavours to mislead her innocency, in order to +blast his honour, may not come to his knowledge; and do not estrange from +her a man who tenderly loves her, and whose probity is so great, that he +would not even suffer his eyes to wander towards her, if his intention +was not to make her his wife." + +Miss Temple observed her promise most faithfully during this discourse: +she did not even utter a single syllable, being seized with such +astonishment and confusion, that she quite lost the use of her tongue. + +Miss Hobart and Lord Rochester came up to her, while she was still in +amazement at the wonderful discoveries she had made; things in +themselves, in her opinion, almost incredible, but to the truth of which +she could not refuse her assent, upon examining the evidences and +circumstances on which they were founded. Never was confusion equal to +that with which her whole frame was seized by the foregoing recital. + +Rochester and Killegrew took leave of them before she recovered from her +surprise; but as soon as she had regained the free use of her senses, she +hastened back to St. James, without answering a single question that the +other put to her; and having locked herself up in her chamber, the fast +thing she did, was immediately to strip off Miss Hobart's clothes, lest +she should be contaminated by them; for after what she had been told +concerning her, she looked upon her as a monster, dreadful to the +innocence of the fair sex, of whatever sex she might be: she blushed at +the familiarities she had been drawn into with a creature, whose maid was +with child, though she never had been in any other service but hers: she +therefore returned her all her clothes, ordered her servant to bring back +all her own, and resolved never more to have any connection with her. +Miss Hobart, on the other hand, who supposed Killegrew had mistaken Miss +Temple for herself, could not comprehend what could induce her to give +herself such surprising airs, since that conversation; but being desirous +to come to an explanation, she ordered Miss Temple's maid to remain in +her apartments, and went to call upon Miss Temple herself, instead of +sending back her clothes; and being desirous to give her some proof of +friendship before they entered upon expostulations, she slipt softly into +her chamber, when she was in the very act of changing her linen, and +embraced her. Miss Temple finding herself in her arms before she had +taken notice of her, everything that Killegrew had mentioned, appeared +to her imagination: she fancied that she saw in her looks the eagerness +of a satyr, or, if possible, of some monster still more odious; and +disengaging herself with the highest indignation from her arms, she began +to shriek and cry in the most terrible manner, calling both heaven and +earth to her assistance. + +The first whom her cries raised were the governess and her niece. It was +near twelve o'clock at night: Miss Temple in her shift, almost frightened +to death, was pushing back with horror Miss Hobart, who approached her +with no other intent than to know the occasion of those transports. As +soon as the governess saw this scene, she began to lecture Miss Hobart +with all the eloquence of a real duenna: she demanded of her, whether she +thought it was for her that her royal highness kept the maids of honour? +whether she was not ashamed to come at such an unseasonable time of night +into their very apartments to commit such violences? and swore that she +would, the very next day, complain to the duchess. All this confirmed +Miss Temple in her mistaken notions: and Hobart was obliged to go away at +last, without being able to convince or bring to reason creatures, whom +she believed to be either distracted or mad. The next day Miss Sarah did +not fail to relate this adventure to her lover, telling him how Miss +Temple's cries had alarmed the maids of honour's apartment, and how +herself and her aunt, running to her assistance, had almost surprised +Miss Hobart in the very act. + +Two days after, the whole adventure, with the addition of several +embellishments, was made public: the governess swore to the truth of it, +and related in every company what a narrow escape Miss Temple had +experienced, and that Miss Sarah, her niece, had preserved her honour, +because, by Lord Rochester's excellent advice, she had forbidden her +all manner of connection with so dangerous a person. Miss Temple was +afterwards informed, that the song that had so greatly provoked her, +alluded to Miss Price only: this was confirmed to her by every person, +with additional execrations against Miss Hobart, for such a scandalous +imposition. Such great coldness after so much familiarity, made many +believe, that this adventure was not altogether a fiction. + +This had been sufficient to have disgraced Miss Hobart at court, and to +have totally ruined her reputation in London, had she not been, upon the +present, as well as upon a former occasion, supported by the duchess: +her royal highness pretended to treat the whole story as romantic and +visionary, or as solely arising from private pique: she chid Miss Temple, +for her impertinent credulity: turned away the governess and her niece, +for the lies with which she pretended they supported the imposture; and +did many improper things in order to re-establish Miss Hobart's honour, +which, however, she failed in accomplishing. She had her reasons for not +entirely abandoning her, as will appear in the sequel. + +Miss Temple, who continually reproached herself with injustice, with +respect to Lord Rochester, and who, upon the faith of Killegrew's word, +thought him the most Honourable man in England, was only solicitous to +find out some opportunity of easing her mind, by making him some +reparation for the rigour with which she had treated him: these +favourable dispositions, in the hands of a man of his character, might +have led to consequences of which she was not aware; but heaven did not +allow him an opportunity of profiting by them. + +Ever since he had first appeared at court he seldom failed being banished +from it, at least once in the year; for whenever a word presented itself +to his pen, or to his tongue, he immediately committed it to paper, or +produced it in conversation, without any manner of regard to the +consequences the ministers, the mistresses, and even the king himself, +were frequently the subjects of his sarcasms; and had not the prince, +whom he thus treated, been possessed of one of the most forgiving and +gentle tempers, his first disgrace had certainly been his last. + +Just at the time that Miss Temple was desirous of seeing him, in order to +apologize for the uneasiness which the infamous calumnies and black +aspersions of Miss Hobart had occasioned both of them, he was forbid the +court for the third time: he departed without having seen Miss Temple, +carried the disgraced governess down with him to his country seat, and +exerted all his endeavours to cultivate in her niece some dispositions +which she had for the stage; but though she did not make the same +improvement in this line, as she had by his other instructions, after he +had entertained both the niece and the aunt for some months in the +country, he got her entered in the king's company of comedians the next +winter; and the public was obliged to him for the prettiest, but at the +same time, the worst actress in the kingdom. + + [Though no name is given to this lady, there are circumstances + enough mentioned to fix on the celebrated Mrs. Barry, as the person + intended by the author. Mrs. Barry was introduced to the stage by + Lord Rochester, with whom she had an intrigue, the fruit of which + was a daughter, who lived to the age of thirteen years, and is often + mentioned in his collection of love-letters, printed in his works, + which were written to Mrs. Barry. On her first theatrical attempts, + so little hopes were entertained of her, that she was, as Cibber + declares, discharged the company at the end of the first year, among + others that were thought to be a useless expense to it. She was + well born; being daughter of Robert Barry, Esq., barrister at law; a + gentleman of an ancient family and good estate, who hurt his fortune + by his attachment to Charles I.; for whom he raised a regiment at + his own expense. Tony Aston, in his Supplement to Cibber's Apology, + says, she was woman to lady Shelton of Norfolk, who might have + belonged to the court. Curl, however, says, she was early taken + under the patronage of Lady Davenant. Both these accounts may be + true. The time of her appearance on the stage was probably not much + earlier that 1671; in which year she performed in Tom Essence, and + was, it may be conjectured, about the age of nineteen. Curl + mentions the great pains taken by Lord Rochester in instructing her; + which were repaid by the rapid progress she daily made in her + profession. She at last eclipsed all her competitors, and in the + part of Monimia established her reputation. From her performance in + this character, in that of Belvidera, and of Isabella, in the Fatal + Marriage, Downes says she acquired the name of the famous Mrs. + Barry, both at court and in the city. "Mrs. Barry," says Dryden, in + his Preface to Cleomenes, "always excellent, has in this tragedy + excelled herself, and gained a reputation beyond any woman I have + ever seen on the theatre." "In characters of greatness," says + Cibber, "Mrs. Barry had a presence of elevated dignity; her mien + and motion superb, and gracefully majestic; her voice full, clear, + and strong; so that no violence of passion could be too much for + her; and when distress or tenderness possessed her, she subsided + into the most affecting melody and softness. In the art of exciting + pity, she had a power beyond all the actresses I have yet seen, or + what your imagination can conceive. In scenes of anger, defiance, + or resentment, while she was impetuous and terrible, she poured out + the sentiment with an enchanting harmony; and it was this particular + excellence for which Dryden made her the above-recited compliment, + upon her acting Cassandra in his Cleomenes. She was the first + person whose merit was distinguished by the indulgence of having an + annual benefit play, which was granted to her alone in King James's + time, and which did not become common to others till the division of + this company, after the death of King William and Queen Mary."] + +About this time Talbot returned from Ireland: he soon felt the absence of +Miss Hamilton, who was then in the country with a relation, whom we shall +mention hereafter. A remnant of his former tenderness still subsisted in +his heart, notwithstanding his absence, and the promises he had given the +Chevalier de Grammont at parting: he now therefore endeavoured to banish +her entirely from his thoughts, by fixing his desires upon some other +object; but he saw no one in the queen's new court whom he thought worthy +of his attention: Miss Boynton, however, thought him worthy of hers. +Her, person was slender and delicate, to which a good complexion and +large motionless eyes gave at a distance an appearance of beauty, that +vanished upon nearer inspection: she affected to lisp, to languish, and +to have two or three fainting-fits a day. The first time that Talbot +cast his eyes upon her she was seized with one of these fits: he was told +that she swooned away upon his account: he believed it, was eager to +afford her assistance; and ever after that accident showed her some +kindness, more with the intention of saving her life, than to express any +affection he felt for her. This seeming tenderness was well received, +and at first she was visibly affected by it. Talbot was one of the +tallest men in England, and in all appearance one of the most robust; yet +she showed sufficiently that she was willing to expose the delicacy of +her constitution, to whatever might happen, in order to become his wife; +which event perhaps might then have taken place, as it did afterwards, +had not the charms of the fair Jennings at that time, proved an obstacle +to her wishes. + +I know not how it came to pass that he had not yet seen her; though he +had heard her much praised, and her prudence, wit, and vivacity equally +commended; he believed all this upon the faith of common report. He +thought it very singular that discretion and sprightliness should be so +intimately united in a person so young, more particularly in the midst of +a court where love and gallantry were so much in fashion; but he found +her personal accomplishments greatly to exceed whatever fame had reported +of them. + +As it was not long before he perceived he was in love, neither was it +long before he made a declaration of it: as his passion was likely enough +to be real, Miss Jennings thought she might believe him, without exposing +herself to the imputation of vanity. Talbot was possessed of a fine and +brilliant exterior, his manners were noble and majestic: besides this, he +was particularly distinguished by the favour and friendship of the duke; +but his most essential merit, with her, was his forty thousand pounds +a-year, landed property, besides his employments. All these qualities +came within the rules and maxims she had resolved to follow with respect +to lovers: thus, though he had not the satisfaction to obtain from her an +entire declaration of her sentiments, he had at least the pleasure of +being better received than those who had paid their addresses to her +before him. + +No person attempted to interrupt his happiness; and Miss Jennings, +perceiving that the duchess approved of Talbot's pretensions; and after +having well weighed the matter, and consulted her own inclinations, found +that her reason was more favourable to him than her heart, and that the +most she could do for his satisfaction was to marry him without +reluctance. + +Talbot, too fortunate in a preference which no man had before +experienced, did not examine whether it was to her heart or to her head +that he was indebted for it, and his thoughts were solely occupied in +hastening the accomplishment of his wishes: one would have sworn that the +happy minute was at hand; but love would no longer be love, if he did not +delight in obstructing, or in overturning the happiness of those who live +under his dominion. + +Talbot, who found nothing reprehensible either in the person, in the +conversation, or in the reputation of Miss Jennings, was however rather +concerned at a now acquaintance she had lately formed; and having taken +upon him to give her some cautions upon this subject, she was much +displeased at his conduct. + +Miss Price, formerly maid of honour, that had been set aside, as we have +before mentioned, upon her leaving the duchess's service, had recourse to +Lady Castlemaine's protection: she had a very entertaining wit: her +complaisance was adapted to all humours, and her own humour was possessed +of a fund of gaiety and sprightliness which diffused universal mirth and +merriment wherever she came. Her acquaintance with Miss Jennings was +prior to Talbot's. + +As she was thoroughly acquainted with all the intrigues of the court, she +related them without any manner of reserve to Miss Jennings, and her own +with the same frankness as the others: Miss Jennings was extremely well +pleased with her stories; for though she was determined to make no +experiment in love, but upon honourable terms, she however was desirous +of knowing from her recitals, all the different intrigues that were +carrying on: thus, as she was never wearied with her conversation, she +was overjoyed whenever she could see her. + +Talbot, who remarked the extreme relish she had for Miss Price's company, +thought that the reputation such a woman had in the world might prove +injurious to his mistress, more especially from the particular intimacy +there seemed to exist between them: whereupon, in the tone of a guardian +rather than a lover, he took upon him to chide her for the disreputable +company she kept. Miss Jennings was haughty beyond conception, when once +she took it into her head; and as she liked Miss Price's conversation +much better than Talbot's, she took the liberty of desiring him "to +attend to his own affairs, and that if he only came from Ireland to read +lectures about her conduct, he might take the trouble to go back as soon +as he pleased." He was offended at a sally which he thought ill-timed, +considering the situation of affairs between them; and went out of her +presence more abruptly than became the respect due from a man greatly in +love. He for some time appeared offended; but perceiving that he gained +nothing by such conduct, he grew weary of acting that part, and assumed +that of an humble lover, in which he was equally unsuccessful; neither +his repentance nor submissions could produce any effect upon her, and the +mutinous little gipsy was still in her pouts when Jermyn returned to +court. + +It was above a year since he had triumphed over the weakness of Lady +Castlemaine, and above two since the king had been weary of his triumphs: +his uncle, being vile of the first who perceived the king's disgust, +obliged him to absent himself from court, at the very time that orders +were going to be issued for that purpose; for though the king's +affections for Lady Castlemaine were now greatly diminished, yet he did +not think it consistent with his dignity that a mistress, whom he had +honoured with public distinction, and who still received a considerable +support from him, should appear chained to the car of the most ridiculous +conqueror that ever existed. His majesty had frequently expostulated +with the countess upon this subject: but his expostulations were never +attended to; it was in one of these differences that he, advising her +rather to bestow her favours upon Jacob Hall, the rope-dancer, who was +able to return them, than lavish away her money upon Jermyn to no +purpose, since it would be more honourable for her to pass for the +mistress of the first, than for the very humble servant of the other, she +was not proof against his raillery. The impetuosity of her temper broke +forth like lightning: she told him "that it very ill became him to throw +out such reproaches against one, who, of all the women in England, +deserved them the least; that he had never ceased quarrelling thus +unjustly with her, ever since he had betrayed his own mean low +inclinations; that to gratify such a depraved taste as his, he wanted +only such silly things as Stewart, Wells, and that pitiful strolling +actress,--[Probably Nell Gwyn.]--whom he had lately introduced into their +society." Floods of tears from rage, generally attended these storms; +after which, resuming the part of Medea, the scene closed with menaces of +tearing her children in pieces, and setting his palace on fire. What +course could he pursue with such an outrageous fury, who, beautiful as +she was, resembled Medea less than her dragons, when she was thus +enraged! + +The indulgent monarch loved peace; and as he seldom contended for it on +these occasions without paying something to obtain it, he was obliged to +be at great expense, in order to reconcile this last rupture: as they +could not agree of themselves, and both parties equally complained, the +Chevalier de Grammont was chosen, by mutual consent, mediator of the +treaty. The grievances and pretensions on each side were communicated to +him, and what is very extraordinary, he managed so as to please them +both. Here follow the articles of peace, which they agreed to: + +"That Lady Castlemaine should for ever abandon Jermyn; that as a proof of +her sincerity, and the reality of his disgrace, she should consent to his +being sent, for some time, into the country; that she should not rail any +more against Miss Wells, nor storm any more against Miss Stewart; and +this without any restraint on the king's behaviour towards her that in +consideration of these condescensions, his majesty should immediately +give her the title of duchess, with all the honours and privileges +thereunto belonging, and an addition to her pension, in order to enable +her to support the dignity." + + [The title of Duchess of Cleveland was conferred on her 3rd August, + 22 Charles II., 1670.] + +As soon as this peace was proclaimed, the political critics, who, in all +nations, never fail to censure all state proceedings, pretended that the +mediator of this treaty, being every day at play with Lady Castlemaine, +and never losing, had, for his own sake, insisted a little too strongly +upon this last article. + +Some days after, she was created Duchess of Cleveland, and little Jermyn +repaired to his country-seat: however, it was in his power to have +returned in a fortnight; for the Chevalier de Grammont, having procured +the king's permission, carried it to the Earl of St. Alban's: this +revived the good old man; but it was to little purpose he transmitted it +to his nephew; for whether he wished to make the London beauties deplore +and lament his absence, or whether he wished them to declaim against the +injustice of the age, or rail against the tyranny of the prince, he +continued above half a year in the country, setting up for a little +philosopher, under the eyes of the sportsmen in the neighbourhood, who +regarded him as an extraordinary instance of the caprice of fortune. He +thought the part he acted so glorious, that he would have continued there +much longer had he not heard of Miss Jennings: he did not, however, pay +much attention to what his friends wrote to him concerning her charms, +being persuaded he had seen equally as great in others: what was related +to him of her pride and resistance, appeared to him of far greater +consequence; and to subdue the last, he even looked upon as an action +worthy of his prowess; and quitting his retreat for this purpose, he +arrived in London at the time that Talbot, who was really in love, had +quarrelled, in his opinion, so unjustly with Miss Jennings. + +She had heard Jermyn spoken of as a hero in affairs of love and +gallantry. Miss Price, in the recital of those of the Duchess of +Cleveland, had often mentioned him, without in any respect diminishing +the insignificancy with which fame insinuated he had conducted himself in +those amorous encounters: she nevertheless had the greatest curiosity to +see a man, whose entire person, she thought, must be a moving trophy, and +monument of the favours and freedoms of the fair sex. + +Thus Jermyn arrived at the right time to satisfy her curiosity by his +presence; and though his brilliancy appeared a little tarnished by his +residence in the country; though his head was larger, and his legs more +slender than usual, yet the giddy girl thought she had never seen any man +so perfect; and yielding to her destiny, she fell in love with him, a +thousand times more unaccountably than all the others had done before +her. Everybody remarked this change of conduct in her with surprise; for +they expected something more from the delicacy of a person who, till this +time, had behaved with so much propriety in all her actions. + +Jermyn was not in the least surprised at this conquest, though not a +little proud of it; for his heart had very soon as great a share in it as +his vanity. Talbot, who saw with amazement the rapidity of this triumph, +and the disgrace of his own defeat, was ready to die with jealousy and +spite; yet he thought it would be more to his credit to die than to vent +those passions unprofitably; and shielding himself under a feigned +indifference, he kept at a distance to view how far such an extravagant +prepossession would proceed. + +In the mean time Jermyn quietly enjoyed the happiness of seeing the +inclinations of the prettiest and most extraordinary creature in England +declared in his favour. The duchess, who had taken her under her +protection ever since she had declined placing herself under that of the +duke, sounded Jermyn's intentions towards her, and was satisfied with the +assurances she received from a man, whose probity infinitely exceeded his +merit in love: he therefore let all the court see that he was willing to +marry her, though, at the same time, he did not appear particularly +desirous of hastening the consummation. Every person now complimented +Miss Jennings upon having reduced to this situation the terror of +husbands, and the plague of lovers: the court was in full expectation of +this miracle, and Miss Jennings of a near approaching happy settlement: +but in this world one must have fortune in one's favour, before one can +calculate with certainty upon happiness. + +The king did not use to let Lord Rochester remain so long in exile: he +grew weary of it, and being displeased that he was forgotten, he posted +up to London to wait till it might be his majesty's pleasure to recall +him. + +He first took up his habitation in the city, among the capital tradesmen +and rich merchants, where politeness indeed is not so much cultivated as +at court; but where pleasure, luxury, and abundance reign with less +confusion, and more sincerity. His first design was only to be initiated +into the mysteries of those fortunate and happy inhabitants: that is to +say, by changing his name and dress, to gain admittance to their feasts +and entertainments; and, as occasion offered, to those of their loving +spouses; as he was able to adapt himself to all capacities and humours, +he soon deeply insinuated himself into the esteem of the substantial +wealthy aldermen, and into he affections of their more delicate, +magnificent, and tender ladies: he made one in all their feasts, and at +all their assemblies; and, whilst in the company of the husbands, he +declaimed against the faults and mistakes of government, he joined their +wives in railing against the profligacy of the court ladies, and in +inveighing against the king's mistresses: he agreed with them, that the +industrious poor were to pay for these cursed extravagances; that the +city beauties were not inferior to those of the other end of the town, +and yet a sober husband in this quarter of the town was satisfied with +one wife; after which, to out-do their murmurings, he said, that he +wondered Whitehall was not yet consumed by fire from heaven, since such +rakes as Rochester, Killegrew, and Sidney were suffered there, who had +the impudence to assert that all married men in the city were cuckolds, +and all their wives painted. This conduct endeared him so much to the +cits, and made him so welcome at their clubs, that at last he grew sick +of their cramming and endless invitations. + +But, instead of approaching nearer the court, he retreated into one of +the most obscure corners of the city: where, again changing both his name +and his dress, in order to act a new part, he caused bills to be +dispersed, giving notice of "The recent arrival of a famous German +doctor, who, by long application and experience, had found out wonderful +secrets, and infallible remedies." + + [Bishop Burnet confirms this account.-" Being under an unlucky + accident, which obliged him to keep out of the way, he disguised + himself so, that his nearest friends could not have known him, and + set up in Tower Street for an Italian mountebank, where he practised + physic for some weeks, not without success. In his latter years he + read books of history more. He took pleasure to disguise himself as + a porter, or as a beggar; sometimes to follow some mean amours, + which, for the variety of them, he affected. At other times, merely + for diversion, he would go about in odd shapes; in which he acted + his part so naturally, that even those who were in the secret, and + saw him in these shapes, could perceive nothing by which he might he + discovered."--Burnet's Life of Rochester, ed. 1774, p. 14.] + +His secrets consisted in knowing what was past, and foretelling what was +to come, by the assistance of astrology: and the virtue of his remedies +principally consisted in giving present relief to unfortunate young women +in all manner of diseases, and all kinds of accidents incident to the +fair sex, either from too unbounded charity to their neighbours, or too +great indulgence to themselves. + +His first practice being confined to his neighbourhood, was not very +considerable; but his reputation soon extending to the other end of the +town, there presently flocked to him the women attending on the court, +next, the chamber-maids of ladies of quality, who, upon the wonders they +related concerning the German doctor, were soon followed by some of their +mistresses. + +Among all the compositions of a ludicrous and satirical kind, there never +existed any that could be compared to those of Lord Rochester, either for +humour, fire, or wit; but, of all his works, the most ingenious and +entertaining is that which contains a detail of the intrigues and +adventures in which he was engaged while he professed medicine and +astrology in the suburbs of London. + +The fair Jennings was very near getting a place in this collection; but +the adventure that prevented her from it, did not, however, conceal from +the public her intention of paying a visit to the German doctor. + +The first chamber-maids that consulted him were only those of the maids +of honour; who had numberless questions to ask, and not a few doubts to +be resolved, both upon their own and their mistresses' accounts. +Notwithstanding their disguise, he recognised some of them, particularly +Miss Temple's and Miss Price's maids, and her whom Miss Hobart had lately +discarded: these creatures all returned either filled with wonder and +amazement, or petrified with terror and fear. Miss Temple's chamber-maid +deposed that he assured her she would have the small-pox, and her +mistress the great, within two months at farthest, if her aforesaid +mistress did not guard against a man in woman's clothes. Miss Price's +woman affirmed that, without knowing her, and only looking in her hand, +he told her at first sight that, according to the course of the stars, he +perceived that she was in the service of some good-natured lady, who had +no other fault than loving wine and men. In short, every one of them, +struck with some particular circumstance relating to their own private +affairs, had either alarmed or diverted their mistresses with the +account, not failing, according to custom, to embellish the truth, in +order to enhance the wonder. + +Miss Price, relating these circumstances one day to her new friend, the +devil immediately tempted her to go in person, and see what sort of a +creature this new magician was. This enterprise was certainly very rash; +but nothing was too rash for Miss Jennings, who was of opinion that a +woman might despise appearances, provided she was in reality virtuous. +Miss Price was all compliance, and thus having fixed upon this glorious +resolution, they only thought of the proper means of putting it into +execution. + +It was very difficult for Miss Jennings to disguise herself, on account +of her excessive fair and bright complexion, and of something particular +in her air and manner: however, after having well considered the matter +the best disguise they could think of was to dress themselves like orange +girls. + + [These frolics appear to have been not unfrequent with persons of + high rank at this period. In a letter from Mr. Henshaw to Sir + Robert Paston, afterwards Earl of Yarmouth, dated October 13, 1670, + we have the following account: "Last week, there being a faire + neare Audley-end, the queen, the Dutchess of Richmond, and the + Dutchess of Buckingham, had a frolick to disguise themselves like + country lasses, to red petticoats, wastcotes, &c., and so goe see + the faire. Sir Barnard Gascoign, on a cart jade, rode before the + queen; another stranger before the Dutchess of Buckingham; and Mr. + Roper before Richmond. They had all so overdone it in their + disguise, and looked so much more like antiques than country volk, + that, as soon as they came to the faire, the people began to goe + after them; but the queen going to a booth, to buy a pair of yellow + stockings for her sweet hart, and Sir Bernard asking for a pair of + gloves sticht with blew, for his sweet hart, they were soon, by + their gebrish, found to be strangers, which drew a bigger flock + about them. One amongst them had seen the queen at dinner, knew + her, and was proud of her knowledge. This soon brought all the + faire into a crowd to stare at the queen. Being thus discovered, + they, as soon as they could, got to their horses; but as many of the + faire as had horses got up, with their wives, children, sweet harts, + or neighbours, behind them, to get as much gape as they could, till + they brought them to the court gate. Thus, by ill conduct, was a + merry frolick turned into a penance."--I've's Select Papers, p. 39. + + Bishop Burnet says, "at this time, (1668) the court fell into much + extravagance in masquerading: both the king and queen, all the + court, went about masked, and came into houses unknown, and danced + there, with a great deal of wild frolic. In all this people were so + disguised, that, without being in the secret, none could distinguish + them. They were carried about in hackney chairs. Once the queen's + chairmen, not knowing who she was, went from her. So she was alone, + and was much disturbed, and came to Whitehall in a hackney coach; + some say in a cart."--Burnet's History, vol. i., p. 368.] + +This was no sooner resolved upon, but it was put in execution they +attired themselves alike, and, taking each a basket of oranges under +their arms, they embarked in a hackney coach, and committed themselves to +fortune, without any other escort than their own caprice and +indiscretion. + +The duchess was gone to the play with her sister: Miss Jennings had +excused herself under pretence of indisposition she was overjoyed at the +happy commencement of their adventure; for they had disguised themselves, +had crossed the Park, and taken their hackney coach at Whitehall gate, +without the least accident. They mutually congratulated each other upon +it, and Miss Price, taking a beginning so prosperous as a good omen of +their success, asked her companion what they were to do at the fortune- +teller's, and what they should propose to him. + +Miss Jennings told her that, for her part, curiosity was her principal +inducement for going thither; that, however, she was resolved to ask him, +without naming any person, why a man, who was in love with a handsome +young lady, was not urgent to marry her, since this was in his power to +do, and by so doing he would have an opportunity of gratifying his +desires. Miss Price told her, smiling, that, without going to the +astrologer, nothing was more easy than to explain the enigma, as she +herself had almost given her a solution of it in the narrative of the +Duchess of Cleveland's adventures. + +Having by this time nearly arrived at the playhouse, Miss Price, after a +moment's reflection, said, that since fortune favoured them, a fair +opportunity was now offered to signalize their courage, which was to go +and sell oranges in the very playhouse, in the sight of the duchess and +the whole court. The proposal being worthy of the sentiments of the one, +and of the vivacity of the other, they immediately alighted, paid off +their hack, and, running through the midst of an immense number of +coaches, with great difficulty they reached the playhouse door. Sidney, +more handsome than the beautiful Adonis, and dressed more gay than usual, +alighted just then from his coach: Miss Price went boldly up to him, as +he was adjusting his curls; but he was too much occupied with his own +dear self to attend to anything else, and so passed on without deigning +to give her an answer. Killegrew came next, and the fair Jennings, +partly encouraged by the other's pertness, advanced towards him, and +offered him her basket, whilst Price, more used to the language, desired +him to buy her fine oranges. "Not now," said he, looking at them with +attention; "but if thou wilt to-morrow morning bring this young girl to +my lodgings, I will make it worth all the oranges in London to thee" and +while he thus spoke to the one he chucked the other under the chin, +examining her bosom. These familiarities making little Jennings forget +the part she was acting, after having pushed him away with all the +violence she was able, she told him with indignation that it was very +insolent to dare--"Ha! ha!" said he, "here's a rarity indeed! a young +w----, who, the better to sell her goods, sets up for virtue, and +pretends innocence!" + +Price immediately perceived that nothing could be gained by continuing +any longer in so dangerous a place; and, taking her companion under the +arm, she dragged her away, while she was still in emotion at the insult +that had been offered to her. + +Miss Jennings, resolving to sell no more oranges on these terms, was +tempted to return, without accomplishing the other adventure; but Price +having represented to her the disgrace of such cowardly behaviour, more +particularly after having before manifested so much resolution, she +consented to go and pay the astrologer a short visit, so as they might be +enabled to regain the palace before the play was ended. + +They had one of the doctor's bills for a direction, but there was no +occasion for it; for the driver of the coach they had taken told them he +knew very well the place they wanted, for he had already carried above an +hundred persons to the German doctor's: they were within half a street of +his house, when fortune thought proper to play them a trick. + +Brounker had dined by chance with a merchant in that part of the city, +and just as he was going away they ordered their coach to stop, as ill- +luck would have it, just opposite to him. Two orange girls in a hackney +coach, one of whom appeared to have a very pretty face, immediately drew +his attention; besides, he had a natural curiosity for such objects. + + [Gentleman of the chamber to the Duke of York, and brother to Lord + Viscount Brounker, president of the royal society. Lord Clarendon + imputes to him the cause of the great sea-fight, in 1665, not being + so well improved as it might have been, and adds, "nor did the duke + come to hear of it till some years after, when Mr. Brounker's ill + course of life, and his abominable nature, had rendered him so + odious, that it was taken notice of in parliament, and, upon + examination, found to be true, as is here related; upon which he was + expelled the house of commons, whereof he was a; member, as an + infamous person, though his friend Coventry adhered to him, and used + many indirect acts to have protected him, and afterwards procured + him to have more countenance from the king than most men thought he + deserved; being a person, throughout his whole life, never notorious + for anything but the highest degree of impudence, and stooping to + the most infamous offices, and playing very well at chess, which + preferred him more than the most virtuous qualities could have + done."--Continuation of Clarendon's Life, p. 270.] + +Of all the men at court, he had the least regard for the fair sex, and +the least attention to their reputation: he was not young, nor was his +person agreeable; however, with a great deal of wit he had a violent +passion for women. He did himself justice respecting his own merit; and, +being persuaded that he could only succeed with those who were desirous +of having his money, he was at open war with all the rest. He had a +little country-house four or five miles from London always well stocked +with girls: in other respects he was a very honest man, and the best +chess-player in England. + +Price, alarmed at being thus closely examined by the most dangerous enemy +they could encounter, turned her head the other way, bid her companion do +the same, and told the coachman to drive on. Brounker followed them +unperceived on foot; and the coach having stopped twenty or thirty yards +farther up the street, they alighted. He was just behind them, and +formed the same judgment of them which a man much more charitable to the +sex must unavoidably have done, concluding that Miss Jennings was a young +courtesan upon the look-out, and that Miss Price was the mother-abbess. +He was, however, surprised to see them have much better shoes and +stockings than women of that rank generally wear, and that the little +orange girl, in getting out of a very high coach, showed one of the +handsomest legs he had ever seen: but as all this was no obstruction to +his designs, he resolved to purchase her at any rate, in order to place +her in his seraglio. + +He came up to them, as they were giving their baskets in guard to the +coachman, with orders to wait for them exactly in that place. Brounker +immediately pushed in between them: as soon as they saw him, they gave +themselves up for lost; but he, without taking the least notice of their +surprise, took Price aside with one hand, and his purse with the other, +and began immediately to enter upon business, but was astonished to +perceive that she turned away her face, without either answering or +looking at him: As this conduct appeared to him unnatural, he stared her +full in the face, notwithstanding all her endeavours to prevent him: he +did the same to the other: and immediately recognised them, but +determined to conceal his discovery. + +The old fox possessed a wonderful command of temper on such occasions, +and having teazed them a little longer to remove all suspicions he +quitted them, telling Price; "That she was a great fool to refuse his +offers, and that her girl would not, perhaps, get so much in a year, as +she might with him in one day; that the times were greatly changed, since +the queen's and the duchess's maids of honour forestalled the market, and +were to be had cheaper than the town ladies." Upon this he went back to +his coach, whilst they blessed themselves, returning heaven their most +hearty thanks for having escaped this danger without being discovered. + +Brounker, on the other hand, would not have taken a thousand guineas for +this rencounter: he blessed the Lord that he had not alarmed them to such +a degree as to frustrate their intention; for he made no doubt but Miss +Price had managed some intrigue for Miss Jennings: he therefore +immediately concluded, that at present it would be improper to make known +his discovery, which would have answered no other end but to have +overwhelmed them with confusion. + +Upon this account, although Jermyn was one of his best friends, he felt a +secret joy in not having prevented his being made a cuckold, before his +marriage; and the apprehension he was in of preserving him from that +accident, was his sole reason for quitting them with the precautions +aforementioned. + +Whilst they were under these alarms, their coachman was engaged in a +squabble with some blackguard boys, who had gathered round his coach in +order to steal the oranges: from words they came to blows: the two nymphs +saw the commencement of the fray as they were returning to the coach, +after having abandoned the design of going to the fortuneteller's. Their +coachman being a man of spirit, it was with great difficulty they could +persuade him to leave their oranges to the mob, that they might get off +without any further disturbance: having thus regained their hack, after a +thousand frights, and after having received an abundant share of the most +low and infamous abuse applied to them during the fracas, they at length +reached St. James's, vowing never more to go after fortune-tellers, +through so many dangers, terrors, and alarms, as they had lately +undergone. + +Brounker, who, from the indifferent opinion he entertained of the fair +sex, would have staked his life that Miss Jennings did not return from +this expedition in the same condition she went, kept his thoughts, +however, a profound secret; since it would have afforded him the highest +satisfaction to have seen the all-fortunate Jermyn marry a little street- +walker, who pretended to pass for a pattern of chastity, that he might, +the day after his marriage, congratulate him upon his virtuous spouse; +but heaven was not disposed to afford him that satisfaction, as will +appear in the sequel of these memoirs. + +Miss Hamilton was in the country, as we before mentioned, at a +relation's: the Chevalier de Grammont bore this short absence of hers +with great uneasiness, since she would not allow him permission to visit +her there, upon any pretence whatever; but play, which was favourable to +him, was no small relief to his extreme impatience. + +Miss Hamilton, however, at last returned. Mrs. Wetenhall (for that was +the name of her relation) would by all means wait upon her to London, in +appearance out of politeness; for ceremony, carried beyond all bearing, +is the grand characteristic of country gentry: yet this mark of civility +was only a pretence, to obtain a peevish husband's consent to his wife's +journey to town. Perhaps he would have done himself the honour of +conducting Miss Hamilton up to London, had he not been employed in +writing some remarks upon the ecclesiastical history, a work in which he +had long been engaged: the ladies were more civil than to interrupt him +in his undertaking, and besides, it would entirely have disconcerted all +Mrs. Wetenhall's schemes. + +This lady was what may be properly called a beauty, entirely English, +made up of lilies and roses, of snow and milk, as to colour; and of wax, +with respect to the arms, hands, neck, and feet, but all this without +either animation or air; her face was uncommonly pretty; but there was no +variety, no change of countenance in it: one would have thought she took +it in the morning out of a case, in order to put it up again at night, +without using it in the smallest degree in the daytime. What can I say +of her! nature had formed her a baby from her infancy, and a baby +remained till death the fair Mrs. Wetenhall. Her husband had been +destined for the church; but his elder brother dying just at the time he +had gone through his studies of divinity, instead of taking orders, he +came to England, and took to wife Miss Bedingfield, the lady of whom we +are now speaking. + +His person was not disagreeable, but he had a serious contemplative air, +very apt to occasion disgust: as for the rest, she might boast of having +one of the greatest theologists in the kingdom for her husband: he was +all day poring over his books, and went to bed soon, in order to rise +early; so that his wife found him snoring when she came to bed, and when +he arose he left her there sound asleep: his conversation at table would +have been very brisk, if Mrs. Wetenhall had been as great a proficient +in divinity, or as great a lover of controversy, as he was; but being +neither learned in the former, nor desirous of the latter, silence +reigned at their table, as absolutely as at a refectory. + +She had often expressed a great desire to see London; but though they +were only distant a very short day's journey from it, she had never been +able to satisfy her curiosity: it was not therefore without reason, that +she grew weary of the life she was forced to lead at Peckham. The +melancholy retired situation of the place was to her insupportable; and +as she had the folly, incident to many other women, of believing +sterility to be a kind of reproach, she was very much hurt to see that +she might fall under that suspicion; for she was persuaded, that although +heaven had denied her children, she nevertheless had all the necessary +requisites on her part, if it had been the will of the Lord. This had +occasioned her to make some reflections, and then to reason upon those +reflections; as for instance, that since her husband chose rather to +devote himself to his studies, than to the duties of matrimony, to turn +over musty old books, rather than attend to the attractions of beauty, +and to gratify his own pleasures, rather than those of his wife, it might +be permitted her to relieve some necessitous lover, in neighbourly +charity, provided she could do it conscientiously, and to direct her +inclinations in so just a, manner, that the evil spirit should have no +concern in it. Mr. Wetenhall, a zealous partisan for the doctrine of the +casuists, would not perhaps have approved of these decisions; but he was +not consulted. + +The greatest misfortune was, that neither solitary Peckham nor its +sterile neighbourhood, presented any expedients, either for the execution +of the afore-mentioned design, or for the relief of poor Mrs. Wetenhall: +she was visibly pining away, when, through fear of dying either with +solitude or of want, she had recourse to Miss Hamilton's commiseration. + +Their first acquaintance was formed at Paris, whither Mr. Wetenhall had +taken his wife half a year after they were married, on a journey thither +to buy books: Miss Hamilton, who from that very time greatly pitied her, +consented to pass some time in the country with her, in hopes by that +visit to deliver her, for a short time at least, out of her captivity; +which project succeeded according to her wish. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, being informed of the day on which they were +to arrive, borne on the wings of love and impatience, had engaged George +Hamilton to go with him, and meet them some miles out of London. The +equipage he had prepared for the purpose, corresponded with his usual +magnificence; and on such an occasion, we may reasonably suppose he had +not neglected his person: however, with all his impatience, he checked +the ardour of the coachman, through fear of accidents, rightly judging +that upon a road prudence is preferable to eagerness. The ladies at +length appeared, and Miss Hamilton, being in his eyes, ten or twelve +times more handsome than before her departure from London, he would have +purchased with his life so kind a reception as she gave her brother. + +Mrs. Wetenhall had her share of the praises, which at this interview +were liberally bestowed upon her beauty, for which her beauty was very +thankful to those who did it so much honour; and as Hamilton regarded +her with a tender attention, she regarded Hamilton as a man very well +qualified for putting in execution the little projects she had concerted +with her conscience. + +As soon as she was in London, her head was almost turned, through an +excess of contentment and felicity: everything appeared like enchantment +to her in this superb city; more particularly, as in Paris she had never +seen anything farther than the Rue Saint Jacques, and a few booksellers' +shops. Miss Hamilton entertained her at her own house, and she was +presented, admired, and well received at both courts. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, whose gallantry and magnificence were +inexhaustible, taking occasion, from this fair stranger's arrival, to +exhibit his grandeur, nothing was to be seen but balls, concerts, plays, +excursions by land and by water, splendid collations and sumptuous +entertainments: Mrs. Wetenhall was transported with pleasures, of which +the greatest part were entirely new to her; she was greatly delighted +with all, except now and then at a play, when tragedy was acted, which +she confessed she thought rather wearisome: she agreed, however, that the +show was very interesting, when there were many people killed upon the +stage, but thought the players were very fine handsome fellows, who were +much better alive than dead. + +Hamilton, upon the whole, was pretty well treated by her, if a man in +love, who is never satisfied until the completion of his wishes, could +confine himself within the bounds of moderation and reason: he used all +his endeavours to determine her to put in execution the projects she had +formed at Peckham: Mrs. Wetenhall, on the other hand, was much pleased +with him. This is the Hamilton who served in the French army with +distinction; he was both agreeable and handsome. All imaginable +opportunities conspired to favour the establishment of an intimacy, whose +commencement had been so brisk, that in all probability it would not +languish for a conclusion; but the more he pressed her to it, the more +her resolution began to fail, and regard for some scruples, which she had +not well weighed, kept her in suspense: there was reason to believe that +a little perseverance would have removed these obstacles; yet this at the +present time was not attempted. Hamilton, not able to conceive what +could prevent her from completing his happiness, since in his opinion the +first and greatest difficulties of an amour were already overcome, with +respect to the public, resolved to abandon her to her irresolutions, +instead of endeavouring to conquer them by a more vigorous attack. It +was not consistent with reason, to desist from an enterprise, where so +many prospects of success presented themselves, for such inconsiderable +obstacles; but he suffered himself to be intoxicated with chimeras and +visions, which unseasonably cooled the vigour of his pursuit, and led him +astray in another unprofitable undertaking. + + [I apprehend he is the same George Hamilton already described, who + married Miss Jennings, and not the author of this work, as Lord + Orford supposes. In a letter from Arlington to Sir William + Godolphin, dated September 7, 1671, it is said, "the Conde de Molina + complains to us of certain levies Sir George Hamilton hath made in + Ireland. The king hath always told him he had no express license + for it; and I have told the Conde he must not find it strange that a + gentleman who had been bred the king's page abroad, and losing his + employment at home, for being a Roman Catholic, should have some + more than ordinary connivance towards the making his fortune abroad + by the countenance of his friends and relations in Ireland: and yet + take the matter in the worst sense he could give, it would not + amount to the breach of any article betwixt the king my master and + the court of Spain."--Arlington's letters, vol. ii., p. 332. In + a letter from the same nobleman to Lord Sandwich, written about + October, 1667, we find the cause of Sir George Hamilton's entering + into the French service "Concerning the reformadoes of, the guards + of horse, his majesty thought fit, the other day, to have them + dismissed, according to his promise, made to the parliament at the + last session. Mr. Hamilton had a secret overture made him, that he, + with those men, should be welcome into the French service; his + majesty, at their dismissal, having declared they should have leave + to go abroad whither they pleased. They accepted of Mr. Hamilton's + offer to carry them into France. "Arlington's Letters, vol. i., p. + 185. Lodge, in his Peerage of Ireland, says, Sir George Hamilton + died in 1667, which, from the first extract above, appears to be + erroneous. He has evidently confounded the father and son; the + former of whom was the person who died in 1667.] + +I know not whether poor Wetenhall took the blame upon herself; but it is +certain, she was extremely mortified upon it. Soon after being obliged +to return to her cabbages and turkeys at Peckham, she had almost gone +distracted: that residence appeared a thousand times more dreadful to +her, since she had been initiated into the amusements of London; but as +the queen was to set out within a month for Tunbridge Wells, she was +obliged to yield to necessity, and return to the philosopher, Wetenhall, +with the consolation of having engaged Miss Hamilton to come and live at +her house, which was within ten or twelve miles of Tunbridge, as long as +the court remained there. + +Miss Hamilton promised not to abandon her in her retirement, and further +engaged to bring the Chevalier de Grammont along with her, whose humour +and conversation extremely delighted her. The Chevalier de Grammont, who +on all occasions started agreeable raillery, engaged on his part to bring +George Hamilton, which words overwhelmed her with blushes. The court set +out soon after to pass about two months in the place of all Europe the +most rural and simple, and yet, at the same time, the most entertaining +and agreeable. Tunbridge is the same distance from London, that +Fontainebleau is from Paris, and is, at the season, the general +rendezvous of all the gay and handsome of both sexes. The company, +though always numerous, is always select: since those who repair thither +for diversion, ever exceed the number of those who go thither for health. +Everything there breathes mirth and pleasure: constraint is banished, +familiarity is established upon the first acquaintance, and joy and +pleasure are the sole sovereigns of the place. + +The company are accommodated with lodgings in little, clean, and +convenient habitations, that lie straggling and separated from each +other, a mile and a half all round the Wells, where the company meet in +the morning: this place consists of a long walk, shaded by spreading +trees, under which they walk while they are drinking the waters: on one +side of this walk is a long row of shops, plentifully stocked with all +manner of toys, lace, gloves, stockings, and where there is raffling, as +at Paris, in the Foire de Saint Germain: on the other side of the walk is +the market; and, as it is the custom here for every person to buy their +own provisions, care is taken that nothing offensive appears on the +stalls. Here young, fair, fresh-coloured country girls, with clean +linen, small straw hats, and neat shoes and stockings, sell game, +vegetables, flowers and fruit: here one may live as one pleases: here is, +likewise, deep play, and no want of amorous intrigues. As soon as the +evening comes, every one quits his little palace to assemble at the +bowling-green, where, in the open air, those who choose, dance upon a +turf more soft and smooth than the finest carpet in the world, + +Lord Muskerry had, within two or three short miles of Tunbridge, a very +handsome seat called Summer-hill: Miss Hamilton, after having spent eight +or ten days at Peckham, could not excuse herself from passing the +remainder of the season at his house; and, having obtained leave of Mr. +Wetenhall, that his lady should accompany her, they left the melancholy +residence of Peckham, and its tiresome master, and fixed their little +court at Summer-hill. + +They went every day to court, or the court came to them. The queen +even surpassed her usual attentions in inventing and supporting +entertainments: she endeavoured to increase the natural ease and freedom +of Tunbridge, by dispensing with, rather than requiring, those ceremonies +that were due to her presence; and, confining in the bottom of her heart +that grief and uneasiness she could not overcome, she saw Miss Stewart +triumphantly possess the affections of the king without manifesting the +least uneasiness. + +Never did love see his empire in a more flourishing condition than on +this spot: those who were smitten before they came to it, felt a mighty +augmentation of their flame; and those who seemed the least susceptible +of love, laid aside their natural ferocity, to act in a new character. +For the truth of the latter, we shall only relate the change which soon +appeared in the conduct of Prince Rupert. + + [Lord Orford's contrast to this character of Prince Rupert is too + just to be here omitted. "Born with the taste of an uncle whom his + sword was not fortunate in defending, Prince Rupert was fond of + those sciences which soften and adorn a hero's private hours, and + knew how to mix them with his minutes of amusement, without + dedicating his life to their pursuit, like us, who, wanting capacity + for momentous views, make serious study of what is only the + transitory occupation of a genius. Had the court of the first + Charles been peaceful, how agreeably had the prince's congenial + propensity flattered and confirmed the inclination of his uncle! + How the muse of arts would have repaid the patronage of the monarch, + when, for his first artist, she would have presented him with his + nephew! How different a figure did the same prince make in a reign + of dissimilar complexion! The philosophic warrior, who could relax + himself into the ornament of a refined court, was thought a savage + mechanic, when courtiers were only voluptuous wits. Let me + transcribe a picture of Prince Rupert, drawn by a man who was far + from having the least portion of wit in that age, who was superior + to its indelicacy, and who yet was so overborne by its prejudices, + that he had the complaisance to ridicule virtue, merit, talents.-- + But Prince Rupert, alas! was an awkward lover!" Lord Orford here + inserts the character in the text, and then adds, "What pity that + we, who wish to transmit this prince's resemblance to posterity on a + fairer canvas, have none of these inimitable colours to efface the + harsher likeness! We can but oppose facts to wit, truth to satire. + --How unequal the pencils! yet what these lines cannot do they may + suggest: they may induce the reader to reflect, that if the prince + was defective in the transient varnish of a court, he at least was + adorned by the arts with that polish which alone can make a court + attract the attention of subsequent ages."--Catalogue of Engravers, + p 135, 8vo ed.] + +He was brave and courageous, even to rashness; but cross-grained and +incorrigibly obstinate: his genius was fertile in mathematical +experiments, and he possessed some knowledge of chemistry: he was polite +even to excess, unseasonably; but haughty, and even brutal, when he ought +to have been gentle and courteous: he was tall, and his manners were +ungracious: he had a dry hard-favoured visage, and a stern look, even +when he wished to please; but, when he was out of humour, he was the true +picture of reproof. + +The queen had sent for the players, either that there might be no +intermission in the diversions of the place, or, perhaps, to retort upon +Miss Stewart, by the presence of Nell Gwyn, part of the uneasiness she +felt from hers. Prince Rupert found charms in the person of another +player called Hughes, who brought down and greatly subdued his natural +fierceness. + + [Mrs. Hughes was one of the actresses belonging to the king's + company, and one of the earliest female performers. According to + Downs, she commenced her theatrical career after the opening of + Drury lane theatre, in 1663. She appears to have been the first + female representative of Desdemona. By Prince Rupert she had a + daughter, named Ruperta, married to Lieutenant-general Howe, who + survived her husband many years, dying at Somerset house, about the + year 1740.] + +From this time, adieu alembics, crucibles, furnaces, and all the black +furniture of the forges: a complete farewell to all mathematical +instruments and chemical speculations: sweet powder and essences were now +the only ingredients that occupied any share of his attention. The +impertinent gipsy chose to be attacked in form; and proudly refusing +money, that, in the end she might sell her favours at a dearer rate, she +caused the poor prince to act a part so unnatural, that he no longer +appeared like the same person. The king was greatly pleased with this +event, for which great rejoicings were made at Tunbridge; but nobody was +bold enough to make it the subject of satire, though the same constraint +was not observed with other ridiculous personages. + +There was dancing every day at the queen's apartments, because the +physicians recommended it, and no person thought it amiss: for even those +who cared least for it, chose that exercise to digest the waters rather +than walking. Lord Muskerry thought himself secure against his lady's +rage for dancing; for, although he was ashamed of it, the princess of +Babylon was, by the grace of God, six or seven months advanced in +pregnancy; and, to complete her misfortune, the child had fallen all +on one side, so that even Euclid would have been puzzled to say what +her figure was. The disconsolate lady, seeing Miss Hamilton and Mrs. +Wetenhall set out every morning, sometimes on horseback and sometimes in +a coach, but ever attended by a gallant troop to conduct them to court, +and to convey them back, she fancied a thousand times more delights at +Tunbridge than in reality there were, and she did not cease in her +imagination, to dance over at Summer-hill all the country dances which +she thought had been danced at Tunbridge. She could no longer support +the racking torments which disturbed her mind, when relenting heaven, +out of pity to her pains and sufferings, caused Lord Muskerry to repair +to London, and kept him there two whole days: as soon as ever he had +turned his back, the Babylonian princess declared her resolution to make +a trip to court. + +She had a domestic chaplain who did not want sense, and Lord Muskerry, +for fear of accidents, had recommended her to the wholesome counsels and +good prayers of this prudent divine; but in vain were all his preachings +and exhortations to stay at home; in vain did he set before her eyes her +husband's commands, and the dangers to which she would expose herself in +her present condition; he likewise added that her pregnancy, being a +particular blessing from heaven, she ought therefore to be so much the +more careful for its preservation, since it cost her husband, perhaps, +more trouble than she was aware of, to obtain it. These remonstrances +were altogether ineffectual: Miss Hamilton and her cousin Wetenhall, +having the complaisance to confirm her in her resolution, they assisted +in dressing her the next morning, and set out along with her all their +skill and dexterity were requisite to reduce her shape into some kind of +symmetry; but, having at last pinned a small cushion under her petticoat +on the right side, to counteract the untoward appearance the little +infant occasioned by throwing itself on the left, they almost split their +sides with laughter, assuring her at the same time that she looked +perfectly charming. + +As soon as she appeared, it was generally believed that she had dressed +herself in a farthingale, in order to make her court to the queen; but +every person was pleased at her arrival: those who were unacquainted with +the circumstances assured her in earnest that she was pregnant with +twins; and the queen, who envied her condition, notwithstanding the +ridiculous appearance she then made, being made acquainted with the +motive of her journey, was determined to gratify her inclinations. + +As soon as the hour for country dances arrived, her cousin Hamilton was +appointed her partner: she made some faint excuses at first on account of +the inconvenient situation she was then in: but soon suffered them to be +overcome, in order, as she said, to show her duty to the queen; and never +did a woman in this world enjoy such complete satisfaction. + +We have already observed, that the greatest prosperity is liable to the +greatest change: Lady Muskerry, trussed up as she was, seemed to feel no +manner of uneasiness from the motion in dancing; on the contrary, being +only apprehensive of the presence of her husband, which would have +destroyed all her happiness, she danced with uncommon briskness, lest her +ill stars should bring him back before she had fully satisfied herself +with it. In the midst, therefore, of her capering in this indiscreet +manner, her cushion came loose, without her perceiving it, and fell to +the ground in the very middle of the first round. The Duke of +Buckingham, who watched her, took it up instantly, wrapped it up in his +coat, and, mimicking the cries of a new-born infant, he went about +inquiring for a nurse for the young Muskerry among the maids of honour. + +This buffoonery, joined to the strange figure of the poor lady, had +almost thrown Miss Stewart into hysterics; for the princess of Babylon, +after this accident, was quite flat on one side, and immoderately +protuberant on the other. All those who had before suppressed their +inclinations to laugh, now gave themselves free scope, when they saw that +Miss Stewart was ready to split her sides. The poor lady was greatly +disconcerted: every person was officious to console her; but the queen, +who inwardly laughed more heartily than any, pretended to disapprove of +their taking such liberties. + +Whilst Miss Hamilton and Mrs. Wetenhall endeavoured to refit Lady +Muskerry in another room, the Duke of Buckingham told the king that, +if the physicians would permit a little exercise immediately after a +delivery, the best way to recover Lady Muskerry was to renew the dance +as soon as ever her infant was replaced; this advice was approved, and +accordingly put in execution. The queen proposed, as soon as she +appeared, a second round of country-dances; and Lady Muskerry accepting +the offer, the remedy had its desired effect, and entirely removed every +remembrance of her late mishap. + +Whilst these things were passing at the king's court, that of the Duke of +York took a journey on the other side of London; the pretence of this +journey was to visit the county whose name he bore; but love was the real +motive. The duchess, since her elevation, had conducted herself with +such prudence and circumspection, as could not be sufficiently admired: +such were her manners, and such the general estimation in which she was +held, that she appeared to have found out the secret of pleasing every +one; a secret yet more rare than the grandeur to which she had been +raised: but, after having gained universal esteem, she was desirous of +being more particularly beloved; or, more properly speaking, malicious +Cupid assaulted her heart, in spite of the discretion, prudence, and +reason, with which she had fortified it. + +In vain had she said to herself a hundred times, that if the duke had +been so kind as to do her justice by falling in love with her, he had +done her too much honour by making her his wife; that with respect to his +inconstant disposition, which estranged him from her, she ought to bear +it with patience, until it pleased heaven to produce a change in his +conduct; that the frailties on his part, which might to her appear +injurious, would never justify in her the least deviation from her duty; +and, as resentment was still less allowable, she ought to endeavour to +regain him by a conduct entirely opposite to his own. In vain was it, as +we have said before, that she had long resisted Love and his emissaries +by the help of these maxims: how solid soever reason, and however +obstinate wisdom and virtue may be, there are yet certain attacks which +tire by their length, and, in the end, subdue both reason and virtue +itself. + +The Duchess of York was one of the highest feeders in England: as this +was an unforbidden pleasure she indulged herself in it, as an +indemnification for other self-denials. It was really an edifying sight +to see her at table. The duke, on the contrary, being incessantly in the +hurry of new fancies, exhausted himself by his inconstancy, and was +gradually wasting away; whilst the poor princess, gratifying her good +appetite, grew so fat and plump that it was a blessing to see her. +It is not easy to determine how long things would have continued in this +situation, if Love, who was resolved to have satisfaction for her late +conduct, so opposite to the former, had not employed artifice as well as +force, to disturb her repose. + +He at first let loose upon her resentment and jealousy two mortal enemies +to all tranquillity and happiness. A tall creature, pale-faced, and +nothing but skin and bone, named Churchill, whom she had taken for a maid +of honour, became the object of her jealousy, because she was then the +object of the duke's affection. The court was not able to comprehend +how, after having been in love with Lady Chesterfield, Miss Hamilton, and +Miss Jennings, he could have any inclination for such a creature; but +they soon perceived that something more than unaccountable variety had a +great share in effecting this conquest. + + [Miss Arabella Churchill, daughter of Sir Winston Churchill of + Wotton Basset, in the county of Wilts, and sister to the celebrated + John, Duke of Marlborough. She was born 1648.] + +The duchess beheld with indignation a choice which seemed to debase her +own merit in a much greater degree than any of the former; at the very +instant that indignation and jealousy began to provoke her spleen, +perfidious Cupid threw in the way of her passions and resentments the +amiable, handsome Sidney; and, whilst he kept her eyes fixed upon his +personal perfections, diverted her attention from perceiving the +deficiency of his mental accomplishments: she was wounded before she was +aware of her danger; but the good opinion Sidney had of his own merit did +not suffer him long to be ignorant of such a glorious conquest; and, in +order more effectually to secure it, his eyes rashly answered everything +which those of her royal highness had the kindness to tell him, whilst +his personal accomplishments were carefully heightened by all the +advantages of dress and show. + +The duchess, foreseeing the consequences of such an engagement, strongly +combated the inclination that hurried her away; but Miss Hobart, siding +with that inclination, argued the matter with her scruples, and, in the +end, really vanquished them. This girl had insinuated herself into her +royal highness's confidence by a fund of news with which she was provided +the whole year round: the court and the city supplied her; nor was it +very material to her whether her stories were true or false, her chief +care being that they should prove agreeable to her mistress: she knew, +likewise, how to gratify her palate, and constantly provided a variety of +those dishes and liquors which she liked best. These qualifications had +rendered her necessary; but, desirous of being still more so, and having +perceived both the airs that Sidney gave himself, and what was passing in +the heart of her mistress, the cunning Hobart took the liberty of telling +her royal highness that this unfortunate youth was pining away solely on +her account; that it was a thousand pities a man of his figure should +lose the respect for her which was most certainly her due, merely because +she had reduced him to such a state that he could no longer preserve it; +that he was gradually dying away on her account, in the sight of the +whole court; that his situation would soon be generally remarked, except +she made use of the proper means to prevent it; that, in her opinion, her +royal highness ought to pity the miserable situation into which her +charms had reduced him, and to endeavour to alleviate his pain in some +way or other. The duchess asked her what she meant by "endeavouring to +alleviate his pain in some way or other." "I mean, madam," answered Miss +Hobart, "that, if either his person be disagreeable, or his passion +troublesome, you will give him his discharge; or, if you choose to retain +him in your service, as all the princesses in the world would do in your +place, you will permit me to give him directions from you for his future +conduct, mixed with a few grains of hope, to prevent his entirely losing +his senses, until you find a proper occasion yourself to acquaint him +with your wishes." "What!" said the duchess, "would you advise me, +Hobart--you, who really love me--to engage in an affair of this nature, +at the expense of my honour, and the hazard of a thousand inconveniences! +If such frailties are sometimes excusable, they certainly are not so in +the high station in which I am placed; and it would be an ill-requital on +my part for his goodness who raised me to the rank I now fill to----" +"All this is very fine," interrupted Miss Hobart: "but is it not very +well known that he only married you because he was importuned so to do? +Since that I refer to yourself whether he has ever restrained his +inclination a single moment, giving you the most convincing proofs of +the change that has taken place in his heart, by a thousand provoking +infidelities? Is it still your intention to persevere in a state of +indolence and humility, whilst the duke, after having received the +favours, or suffered the repulses, of all the coquettes in England, pays +his addresses to the maids of honour, one after the other, and at present +places his whole ambition and desires in the conquest of that ugly +skeleton, Churchill? What! Madam, must then your prime of life be spent +in a sort of widowhood in deploring your misfortunes, without ever being +permitted to make use of any remedy that may offer? A woman must be +endowed with insuperable patience, or with an inexhaustible degree of +resignation, to bear this. Can a husband, who disregards you both night +and day, really suppose, because his wife eats and drinks heartily, as, +God be thanked, your royal highness does, that she wants nothing else +than to sleep well too? Faith, such conduct is too bad: I therefore once +more repeat that there is not a princess in the universe who would refuse +the homage of a man like Sidney, when a husband pays his addresses +elsewhere." + +These reasons were certainly not morally good; but had they been still +worse the duchess would have yielded to them, so much did her heart act +in concert with Miss Hobart, to overthrow her discretion and prudence. + +This intrigue began at the very time that Miss Hobart advised Miss Temple +not to give any encouragement to the addresses of the handsome Sidney. +As for him, no sooner was he informed by the confidant Hobart that +the goddess accepted his adoration than he immediately began to be +particularly reserved and circumspect in his behaviour, in order to +divert the attention of the public; but the public is not so easily +deceived as some people imagine. + +As there were too many spies, too many inquisitive people and critics, in +a numerous court, residing in the midst of a populous city, the duchess +to avoid exposing the inclinations of her heart to the scrutiny of so +many inquisitors, engaged the Duke of York to undertake the journey +before mentioned, whilst the queen and her court were at Tunbridge. + +This conduct was prudent; and, if agreeable to her, was far from +displeasing to any of her court, except Miss Jennings: Jermyn was not of +the party; and, in her opinion, every party was insipid in which he was +not one of the company. He had engaged himself in an enterprise above +his strength, in laying a wager which the Chevalier de Grammont had laid +before, and lost. He betted five hundred guineas that he would ride +twenty miles in one hour upon the same horse, in the high road. The day +he had fixed upon for this race was the very same in which Miss Jennings +went to the fortune-teller's. + +Jermyn was more fortunate than her in this undertaking he came off +victorious; but as his courage had far exceeded the strength of his +constitution in this exertion to win the wager, he got a violent fever +into the bargain, which brought him very low. Miss Jennings inquired +after his health; but that was all she dared to do. In modern romances, +a princess need only pay a visit to some hero, abandoned by his +physicians, a perfect cure would be wrought in three days; but since Miss +Jennings had not been the cause of Jermyn's fever, she was not certain of +relieving him from it, although she had been sure that a charitable visit +would not have been censured in a malicious court. Without therefore +paying any attention to the uneasiness she might feel upon the occasion, +the court set out without him: she had, however, the gratification to +testify her ill-humour throughout the whole journey, by appearing +displeased with everything which seemed to afford satisfaction to +all the rest of the company. + +Talbot made one of the company; and flattering himself that the absence +of a dangerous rival might produce some change in his favour, he was +attentive to all the actions, motions, and even gestures, of his former +mistress. There was certainly enough fully to employ his attention: it +was contrary to her disposition to remain long in a serious humour. Her +natural vivacity hurried her away, from being seemingly lost in thought, +into sallies of wit, which afforded him hopes that she would soon forget +Jermyn, and remember that his own passion was the first she had +encouraged. However, he kept his distance, notwithstanding his love and +his hopes, being of opinion that it ill became an injured lover to betray +either the least weakness, or the smallest return of affection, for an +ungrateful mistress, who had deserted him. + +Miss Jennings was so far from thinking of his resentments, that she +did not even recollect he had ever paid his addresses to her; and her +thoughts being wholly occupied upon the poor sick man, she conducted +herself towards Talbot as if they never had had anything to say to each +other. It was to him that she most usually gave her hand, either in +getting into or out of the coach; she conversed more readily with him +than any other person, and, without intending it, did everything to make +the court believe she was cured of her passion for Jermyn in favour of +her former lover. + +Of this he seemed likewise convinced, as well as the rest; and thinking +it now proper to act another part, in order to let her know that his +sentiments with respect to her were still the same, he had resolved to +address her in the most tender and affectionate manner upon this subject. +Fortune seemed to have favoured him, and to have smoothed the way for +this intended harangue: he was alone with her in her chamber; and, what +was still better, she was rallying him concerning Miss Boynton; saying, +"that they were undoubtedly much obliged to him for attending them on +their journey, whilst poor Miss Boynton had fainting fits at Tunbridge, +at least twice every day, for love of him." Upon this discourse, Talbot +thought it right to begin the recital of his sufferings and fidelity, +when Miss Temple, with a paper in her hand, entered the room. This was a +letter in verse, which Lord Rochester had written some time before, upon +the intrigues of the two courts; wherein, upon the subject of Miss +Jennings, he said: "that Talbot had struck terror among the people of +God, by his gigantic stature; but that Jermyn, like a little David, had +vanquished the great Goliath." Jennings, delighted with this allusion, +read it over two or three times, thought it more entertaining than +Talbot's conversation, at first heartily laughed at it, but soon after, +with a tender air, "Poor little David!" said she, with a deep sigh, and +turning her head on one side during this short reverie, she shed a few +tears, which assuredly did not flow for the defeat of the giant. This +stung Talbot to the quick; and, seeing himself so ridiculously deceived +in his hopes, he went abruptly out of the room, vowing never to think any +more of a giddy girl, whose conduct was regulated neither by sense nor +reason; but he did not keep his resolution. + +The other votaries of love, who were numerous in this court, were more +successful, the journey being undertaken solely on that account. There +were continual balls and entertainments upon the road; hunting, and all +other diversions, wherever the court halted in its progress. The tender +lovers flattered themselves with the thought of being able to crown their +happiness as they proceeded in their journey; and the beauties who +governed their destiny did not forbid them to hope. Sidney paid his +court with wonderful assiduity: the duchess made the duke take notice of +his late perfect devotion to his service: his royal highness observed it, +and agreed that he ought to be remembered upon the first opportunity, +which happened soon after. + +Montagu, as before mentioned, was master of the horse to the duchess: +he was possessed of a great deal of wit, had much penetration, and loved +mischief. How could she bear such a man near her person, in the present +situation of her heart? This greatly embarrassed her; but Montagu's +elder brother having, very a-propos, got himself killed where he had no +business, the duke obtained for Montagu the post of master of the horse +to the queen, which the deceased enjoyed; and the handsome Sidney was +appointed to succeed him in the same employment to the duchess. All this +happened according to her wish; and the duke was highly pleased that he +had found means to promote these two gentlemen at once, without being at +the least expense. + +Miss Hobart greatly applauded these promotions: she had frequent and long +conversations with Sidney, which, being remarked, some did her the honour +to believe it was upon her own account; and the compliments that were +made her upon the occasion she most willingly received. The duke, who +believed it at first, observed to the duchess the unaccountable taste of +certain persons, and how the handsomest young fellow in England was +infatuated with such a frightful creature. + +The duchess confessed that taste was very arbitrary; the truth whereof he +himself seemed to be convinced of, since he had fixed upon the beauteous +Helen for his mistress. I know not whether this raillery caused him to +reflect for what reasons he had made his choice; but it is certain he +began to cool in his affections for Miss Churchill; and perhaps he would +entirely have abandoned this pursuit, had not an accident taken place, +which raised in him an entirely new inclination for her. + +The court having halted for a few days in a fine open country, the +duchess was desirous of seeing a greyhound course. This diversion is +practised in England upon large downs, where the turf, eaten by the +sheep, is particularly green, and wonderfully even. She was in her +coach, and all the ladies on horseback, every one of them being attended +by her squire; it therefore was but reasonable that the mistress should +likewise have her squire. He accordingly was at the side of her coach, +and seemed to compensate for his deficiencies in conversation, by the +uncommon beauty of his mien and figure. + +The duke attended Miss Churchill, not for the sake of besieging her with +soft flattering tales of love, but, on the contrary, to chide her for +sitting so ill on horseback: She was one of the most indolent creatures +in the world; and although the maids of honour are generally the worst +mounted of the whole court, yet, in order to distinguish her, on account +of the favour she enjoyed, they had given her a very pretty, though +rather a high-spirited horse; a distinction she would very willingly +have excused them. + +The embarrassment and fear she was under had added to her natural +paleness. In this situation, her countenance had almost completed the +duke's disgust, when her horse, desirous of keeping pace with the others, +set off in a gallop, notwithstanding her greatest efforts to prevent it; +and her endeavours to hold him in, firing his mettle, he at length set +off at full speed, as if he was running a race against the duke's horse. + +Miss Churchill lost her seat, screamed out, and fell from her horse. +A fall in so quick a pace must have been violent; and yet it proved +favourable to her in every respect; for, without receiving any hurt, she +gave the lie to all the unfavourable suppositions that had been formed of +her person, in judging from her face. The duke alighted, in order to +help her: she was so greatly stunned, that her thoughts were otherwise +employed than about decency on the present occasion; and those who first +crowded around her found her rather in a negligent posture: they could +hardly believe that limbs of such exquisite beauty could belong to Miss +Churchill's face. After this accident, it was remarked that the duke's +tenderness and affection for her increased every day; and, towards the +end of the winter, it appeared that she had not tyrannized over his +passion, nor made him languish with impatience. + +The two courts returned to London much about the same time, equally +satisfied with their respective excursions; though the queen was +disappointed in the hopes she had entertained of the good effects +of the Tunbridge waters. + +It was about this time that the Chevalier de Grammont received a letter +from the Marchioness de Saint-Chaumont, his sister, acquainting him, that +he might return when he thought proper, the king having given him leave. +He would have received this news with joy at any other time, whatever had +been the charms of the English court; but, in the present situation of +his heart, he could not resolve to quit it. + +He had returned from Tunbridge a thousand times deeper in love than +ever; for, during this agreeable excursion, he had every day seen Miss +Hamilton, either in the marshes of melancholy Peckham, or in the +delicious walks of cheerful Summerhill, or in the daily diversions and +entertainments of the queen's court; and whether he saw her on horseback, +heard her conversation, or observed her in the dance, still he was +persuaded that Heaven had never formed an object in every respect more +worthy of the love, and more deserving of the affection, of a man of +sense and delicacy. How then was it possible for him to bear the +thoughts of leaving her? This appeared to him absolutely impracticable; +however, as he was desirous of making a merit with her, of the +determination he had made to neglect his fortune, rather than to be +separated from her charms, he showed her his sister's letter: but this +confidence had not the success he expected. + +Miss Hamilton, in the first place, congratulated him upon his recall: +She returned him many thanks for the sacrifice he intended to make her; +but as this testimony of affection greatly exceeded the bounds of mere +gallantry, however sensibly she might feel this mark of his tenderness, +she was, however, determined not to abuse it. In vain did he protest +that he would rather meet death than part from her irresistible charms; +and her irresistible charms protested that he should never see them more, +unless he departed immediately. Thus was he forced to obey. However, +he was allowed to flatter himself, that these positive orders, how harsh +soever they might appear, did not flow from indifference; that she would +always be more pleased with his return than with his departure, for which +she was now so urgent; and having generously given him assurances that, +so far as depended upon herself, he would find, upon his return, no +variation in her sentiments during his absence, he took leave of his +friends, thinking of nothing but his return, at the very time he was +making preparations for his departure. + + + + +ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS: + +All day poring over his books, and went to bed soon +Devote himself to his studies, than to the duties of matrimony +Embellish the truth, in order to enhance the wonder +Grew so fat and plump that it was a blessing to see her +Not disagreeable, but he had a serious contemplative air +Public is not so easily deceived as some people imagine + + + + + + + MEMOIRS OF COUNT GRAMMONT, VOLUME 7. + + By Anthony Hamilton + + EDITED, WITH NOTES, BY SIR WALTER SCOTT + + + + + + CHAPTER ELEVENTH. + + RETURN OF THE CHEVALIER GRAMMONT TO FRANCE--HE IS SENT + BACK TO ENGLAND--VARIOUS LOVE INTRIGUES AT THIS COURT, + AND MARRIAGE OF MOST OF THE HEROES OF THESE MEMOIRS. + + +The nearer the Chevalier de Grammont approached the court of France, the +more did he regret his absence from that of England. + +A thousand different thoughts occupied his mind upon the journey: +Sometimes he reflected upon the joy and satisfaction his friends and +relations would experience upon his return; sometimes upon the +congratulations and embraces of those who, being neither the one nor the +other, would, nevertheless, overwhelm him with impertinent compliments: +All these ideas passed quickly through his head; for a man deeply in love +makes it a scruple of conscience not to suffer any other thoughts to +dwell upon his mind than those of the object beloved. It was then the +tender, endearing remembrance of what he had left in London that diverted +his thoughts from Paris; and it was the torments of absence that +prevented his feeling those of the bad roads and the bad horses. His +heart protested to Miss Hamilton, between Montreuil and Abbeville that he +only tore himself from her with such haste, to return the sooner; after +which, by a short reflection, comparing the regret he had formerly felt +upon the same road, in quitting France for England, with that which he +now experienced, in quitting England for France, he found the last much +more insupportable than the former. + +It is thus that a man in love entertains himself upon the road; or +rather, it is thus that a trifling writer abuses the patience of his +reader, either to display his own sentiments, or to lengthen out a +tedious story; but God forbid that this character should apply to +ourselves, since we profess to insert nothing in these memoirs, but what +we have heard from the mouth of him whose actions and sayings we transmit +to posterity. + +Who, except Squire Feraulas, has ever been able to keep a register of all +the thoughts, sighs, and exclamations, of his illustrious master? For my +own part, I should never have thought that the attention of the Count de +Grammont, which is at present so sensible to inconveniences and dangers, +would have ever permitted him to entertain amorous thoughts upon the +road, if he did not himself dictate to me what I am now writing. + +But let us speak of him at Abbeville. The postmaster was his old +acquaintance: His hotel was the best provided of any between Calais and +Paris; and the Chevalier de Grammont, alighting, told Termes he would +drink a glass of wine during the time they were changing horses. It was +about noon; and, since the preceding night, when they had landed at +Calais, until this instant, they had not eat a single mouthful. Termes, +praising the Lord, that natural feelings had for once prevailed over the +inhumanity of his usual impatience, confirmed him as much as possible in +such reasonable sentiments. + +Upon their entering the kitchen, where the Chevalier generally paid his +first visit, they were surprised to see half a dozen spits loaded with +game at the fire, and every other preparation for a magnificent +entertainment. The heart of Termes leaped for joy: he gave private +orders to the hostler to pull the shoes off some of the horses, that he +might not be forced away from this place before he had satisfied his +craving appetite. + +Soon after, a number of violins and hautboys, attended by all the mob of +the town, entered the court. The landlord, being asked the reason of +these great preparations, acquainted the Chevalier de Grammont that +they were for the wedding of one of the most wealthy gentlemen in the +neighbourhood with one of the handsomest girls in the whole province; +that the entertainment was to be at his house; and that, if his lordship +chose to stop, in a very short time he would see the new-married couple +arrive from the church, since the music was already come. He was right +in his conjectures; for these words were scarce out of his mouth, when +three uncommonly large coaches, loaded with lackeys, as tall as Swiss, +with most gaudy liveries, all covered with lace, appeared in the court, +and disembarked the whole wedding company. Never was country +magnificence more naturally displayed: Rusty tinsel, tarnished lace, +striped silks, little eyes, and full swelling breasts, appeared on every +side. + +If the first sight of the procession surprised the Chevalier de Grammont, +faithful Termes was no less astonished at the second. The little that +was to be seen of the bride's face appeared not without beauty; but no +judgment could be formed of the remainder: Four dozen of patches, at +least, and ten ringlets of hair, on each side, most completely concealed +her from all human eyes; but it was the bridegroom who most particularly +attracted the Chevalier de Grammont's attention. + +He was as ridiculously dressed as the rest of the company, except a coat +of the greatest magnificence, and of the most exquisite taste. The +Chevalier de Grammont, walking up to him to examine his dress, began to +commend the embroidery of his coat. The bridegroom thought himself much +honoured by this examination, and told him he bought it for one hundred +and fifty louis, at the time he was paying his addresses to his wife. +"Then you did not get it made here?" said the Chevalier de Grammont. +"No," replied the other; "I bought it of a London merchant, who had +ordered it for an English lord." The Chevalier de Grammont, who now +began to perceive in what manner the adventure would end, asked him if +he should recollect the merchant if he saw him again? "Recollect him!" +replied the other, "I surely ought; for I was obliged to sit up drinking +with him all night at Calais, as I was endeavouring to beat down the +price." Termes had vanished out of sight as soon as ever this coat +appeared, though he little supposed that the cursed bridegroom would +have any conversation concerning it with his master. + +The Chevalier's thoughts were some time wavering between his inclination +to laugh, and a desire of hanging Master Termes; but the long habit of +suffering himself to be robbed by his domestics, together with the +vigilance of the criminal, whom his master could not reproach with having +slept in his service, inclined him to clemency; and yielding to the +importunities of the country gentleman, in order to confound his faithful +servant, he sat down to table, to make the thirty-seventh of the company. + +A short time after, he desired one of the waiters to call for a gentleman +whose name was Termes. He immediately appeared; and as soon as the +master of the feast saw him, he rose from table, and offering him his +hand; "Welcome, my friend," said he; "you see that I have taken good care +of the coat which you sold me with so much reluctance, and that I have +kept it for a good purpose." + +Termes, having put on a face of brass, pretended not to know him, and +pushed him back with some degree of rudeness. "No, no!" said the other; +"since I was obliged to sit up with you the whole night, in order to +strike the bargain, you shall pledge me in the bride's health." +The Chevalier de Grammont, who saw that Termes was disconcerted, +notwithstanding his impudence, said to him with a smile: "Come, come, my +good London merchant, sit down, as you are so civilly invited: we are not +so crowded at table but that there will be room enough for such an honest +gentleman as yourself." At these words five-and-thirty of the guests +were in motion to receive this new visitor: the bride alone, out of an +idea of decorum, remained seated; and the audacious Termes, having +swallowed the first shame of this adventure, began to lay about him at +such a rate, as if it had been his intention to swallow all the wine +provided for the wedding, if his master had not risen from the table as +they were taking off four-and-twenty soups, to serve up as many other +dishes in their stead. + +The company were not so unreasonable as to desire a man who was in such +haste to remain to the end of a wedding dinner; but they all got up when +he arose from table, and all that he could obtain from the bridegroom was +that the company should not attend him to the gate of the inn. As for +Termes, he wished they had not quitted him till the end of their journey, +so much did he dread being left alone with his master. + +They had advanced some distance from Abbeville, and were proceeding on in +the most profound silence, when Termes, who expected an end to it in a +short time, was only solicitous in what manner it might happen, whether +his master would attack him with a torrent of invectives, and certain +epithets which were most justly his due, or whether, in an insulting, +ironical manner, he might make use of such commendations as were most +likely to confound him; but finding, instead of either, that he remained +in sullen silence, he thought it prudent rather to prevent the speech the +Chevalier was meditating than to suffer him to think longer about it; +and, accordingly, arming himself with all his effrontery: "You seem to be +very angry, Sir," said he, "and I suppose you think you have reason for +being so; but the devil take me, if you are not mistaken in reality." + +"How! traitor! in reality?" said the Chevalier de Grammont. "It is then +because I have not had thee well thrashed, as thou hast for a long time +merited." "Look ye, Sir," replied Termes, "you always run into a +passion, instead of listening to reason! Yes, Sir, I maintain that +what I did was for your benefit." "And was not the quicksand likewise +for my service?" said the Chevalier de Grammont. "Have patience, +if you please," pursued the other: "I know not how that simpleton of +a bridegroom happened to be at the custom-house when my portmanteau +was examined at Calais: but these silly cuckolds thrust in their noses +everywhere. As soon as ever he saw your coat, he fell in love with it. +I immediately perceived he was a fool; for he fell down upon his knees, +beseeching me to sell it him. Besides being greatly rumpled in the +portmanteau, it was all stained in front by the sweat of the horses. +I wonder how the devil he has managed to get it cleaned; but, faith, +I am the greatest scoundrel in the world, if you would ever have put it +on. In a word, it cost you one hundred and forty louis d'ors, and seeing +he offered me one hundred and fifty for it; 'My master,' said I, 'has no +occasion for this tinselled bauble to distinguish him at the ball; and, +although he was pretty full of cash when I left him, how know I in what +situation he may be upon my return? there is no certainty at play.' +To be brief, Sir, I got ten louis d'ors for it more than it cost you: +this you see is all clear profit: I will be accountable to you for it, +and you know that I am sufficiently substantial to make good such a sum. +Confess now, do you think you would have appeared to greater advantage at +the ball, if you had been dressed out in that damned coat, which would +have made you look just like the village bridegroom to whom we sold it? +and yet how you stormed at London when you thought it lost; what fine +stories you told the king about the quicksand; and how churlish you +looked, when you first began to suppose that this country booby wore it +at his wedding!" + +What could the Chevalier reply to such uncommon impudence? If he +indulged his resentment, he must either have most severely bastinadoed +him, or he must have discarded him, as the easiest escape the rogue could +expect; but he had occasion for him during the remainder of his journey; +and, as soon as he was at Paris, he had occasion for him for his return. + +The Marechal de Grammont had no sooner notice of his arrival than he went +to him at the hotel; and, the first embraces being over on both sides, +"Chevalier," said the Marechal, "how many days have you been in coming +from London hither? for God knows at what a rate you travel on such +occasions." The Chevalier told him he had been three days upon the road; +and, to excuse himself for making no more haste, he related to him his +Abbeville adventure. "It is a very entertaining one," said his brother; +"but what is yet more entertaining is, that it will be your fault if you +do not find your coat still at table; for the country gentry are not +accustomed to rise very soon from a wedding dinner." And then, in a +very serious tone, told him, "he knew not who had advised him to this +unexpected return, which might probably ruin all his affairs; but he had +orders from the king to bid him go back again without appearing at court. +He told him afterwards that he was very much astonished at his +impatience, as, till this time, he had conducted himself uncommonly well, +and was sufficiently acquainted with the king's temper to know that the +only way to merit his pardon was to wait until it freely came from his +clemency." + +The Chevalier, in justification of his conduct, produced Madame de Saint +Chaumont's letter, and told the Marechal that he would very willingly +have spared her the trouble of writing him such kind of news, to occasion +him so useless a journey. "Still more indiscretion," replied his +brother; "for pray how long has our sister being either secretary of +state or minister, that she should be employed by the king to make +known his majesty's order? Do you wish to know the real state of the +case? Some time ago the king told Madame--[Henrietta]--how you had +refused the pension the King of England offered you. + + ["Henrietta, youngest daughter of Charles the First,--born at Exeter + 16th June, 1644, from whence she was removed to London in 1646, and, + with her governess, Lady Dalkeith, soon afterwards conveyed to + France. On the restoration, she came over to England with her + mother, but returned to France in about six months, and was married + to Philip, Duke of Orleans, only brother of Louis XIV. In May, + 1670, she came again to Dover, on a mission of a political nature, + it is supposed, from the French king to her brother, in which she + was successful. She died, soon after her return to France, + suddenly, not without suspicion of having been poisoned by her + husband. King James, in his Diary, says, "On the 22d of June, the + news of the Duchess of Orleans' death arrived. It was suspected + that counter-poisons were given her; but when she was opened, in the + presence of the English ambassador, the Earl of Ailesbury, an + English physician and surgeon, there appeared no grounds of + suspicion of any foul play. Yet Bucks tallied openly that she was + poisoned; and was so violent as to propose to foreign ministers to + make war on France."--Macpherson's Original Papers, vol i. At the + end of Lord Arlington's Letters are five very remarkable ones from a + person of quality, who is said to have been actually on the spot, + giving a particular relation of her death.] + +"He appeared pleased with the manner in which Comminges had related to him +the circumstances attending it, and said he was pleased with you for it: +Madame interpreted this as an order for your recall; and Madame de Saint +Chaumont being very far from possessing that wonderful discretion she +imagines herself mistress of, she hastened to despatch to you this +consequential order in her own hand. To conclude, Madame said yesterday, +when the king was at dinner, that you would very soon be here; and the +king, as soon as dinner was over, commanded me to send you back as soon +as you arrived. Here you are; set off again immediately." + +This order might have appeared severe to the Chevalier de Grammont at any +other time; but, in the present state of his heart, he soon resolved upon +obeying. Nothing gave him uneasiness but the officious advice which had +obliged him to leave the English court; and being entirely unconcerned +that he was not allowed to see the French court before his departure, he +only desired the Marechal to obtain leave for him to stay a few days to +collect in some play debts which were owing him. This request was +granted, on condition that he should not remain in Paris. + +He chose Vaugirard for his retreat: it was there that he had several +adventures which he so often related in so humorous and diverting a +manner, that it would be tedious to repeat them; there it was that he +administered the sacrament in so solemn a manner, that, as there did not +remain a sufficient number of Swiss at Versailles to guard the chapel, +Vardes was obliged to acquaint the king that they were all gone to the +Chevalier de Grammont, who was administering the sacrament at Vaugirard: +there likewise happened that wonderful adventure which threw the first +slur upon the reputation of the great Saucourt, when, having a tete-a- +tete with the gardener's daughter, the horn, which was agreed upon as the +signal to prevent surprises, was sounded so often, that the frequent +alarms cooled the courage of the celebrated Saucourt, and rendered +useless the assignation that was procured for him with one of the +prettiest girls in the neighbourhood. It was, likewise, during his stay +at Vaugirard, that he paid a visit to Mademoiselle de l'Hopital at Issy, +to inquire into the truth of a report of an amour between her and a man +of the long robe; and it was there that, on his arriving unexpectedly, +the President de Maisons was forced to take refuge in a closet, with so +much precipitation, that half of his robe remained on the outside when he +shut the door; while the Chevalier de Grammont, who observed it, made his +visit excessively long, in order to keep the two lovers upon the rack. + +His business being settled, he set out for England on the wings of love. +Termes redoubled his vigilance upon the road. The post horses were ready +in an instant at every stage: the winds and tides favoured his +impatience; and he reached London with the highest satisfaction. The +court was both surprised and charmed at his sudden return. No person +condoled with him upon his late disappointment, which had occasioned him +to come back, as he testified no manner of uneasiness concerning it +himself: nor was Miss Hamilton in the least displeased at his readiness +in obeying the orders of the king his master. + +Nothing new had happened in the English court during his short absence; +but it assumed a different aspect soon after his return: I mean with +respect to love and pleasure, which were the most serious concerns of the +court during the greatest part of this gay reign. + +The Duke of Monmouth, natural son to Charles the Second, now made his +first appearance in his father's court. + + [James Duke of Monmouth, was the son of Charles the II., by one Lucy + Walters. He was born at Rotterdam, April 9, 1649, and bore the name + of James Crofts until the restoration. His education was chiefly at + Paris, under the eye of the queen-mother, and the government of + Thomas Ross, Esq., who was afterwards secretary to Mr. Coventry + during his embassy in Sweden. At the restoration, he was brought to + England, and received with joy by his father, who heaped honours and + riches upon him, which were not sufficient to satisfy his ambitious + views. To exclude his uncle, the Duke of York, from the throne, he + was continually intriguing with the opposers of government, and was + frequently in disgrace with his sovereign. On the accession of + James II. he made an ineffectual attempt to raise a rebellion, was + taken prisoner, and beheaded on Tower-hill, 15th July, 1685. Mr. + Macpherson has drawn his character in the following terms: + "Monmouth, highly beloved by the populace, was a fit instrument to + carry forward his (i.e. Shaftesbury's) designs. To a gracefulness + which prejudiced mankind in his favour as soon as seen, he joined an + affability which gained their love. Constant in his friendships, + and just to his word, by nature tender, and an utter enemy to + severity and cruelty, active and vigorous in his constitution, he + excelled in the manly exercises of the field. He was personally + brave. He loved the pomp and the very dangers of war. But with + these splendid qualities, he was vain to a degree of folly, + versatile in his measures, weak in his understanding. He was + ambitious without dignity, busy without consequence, attempting ever + to be artful, but always a fool. Thus, taking the applause of the + multitude for a certain mark of merit, he was the dupe of his own + vanity, and owed all his misfortunes to that weakness."--History of + England, vol. i., chap. iii.] + +His entrance upon the stage of the world was so brilliant, his ambition +had occasioned so many considerable events, and the particulars of his +tragical end are so recent, that it were needless to produce any other +traits to give a sketch of his character. By the whole tenor of his +life, he appeared to be rash in his undertakings, irresolute in the +execution, and dejected in his misfortunes, in which, at least, an +undaunted resolution ought to equal the greatness of the attempt. + +His figure and the exterior graces of his person were such, that nature +perhaps never formed anything more complete: His face was extremely +handsome; and yet it was a manly face, neither inanimate nor effeminate; +each feature having its beauty and peculiar delicacy: He had a wonderful +genius for every sort of exercise, an engaging aspect, and an air of +grandeur: in a word, he possessed every personal advantage; but then he +was greatly deficient in mental accomplishments. He had no sentiments +but such as others inspired him with; and those who first insinuated +themselves into his friendship, took care to inspire him with none but +such as were pernicious. The astonishing beauty of his outward form +caused universal admiration: those who before were looked upon as +handsome were now entirely forgotten at court: and all the gay and +beautiful of the fair sex were at his devotion. He was particularly +beloved by the king; but the universal terror of husbands and lovers. +This, however, did not long continue; for nature not having endowed him +with qualifications to secure the possession of the heart, the fair sex +soon perceived the defect. + +The Duchess of Cleveland was out of humour with the king, because the +children she had by his majesty were like so many little puppets, +compared to this new Adonis. She was the more particularly hurt, as she +might have boasted of being the queen of love, in comparison with the +duke's mother. + +The king, however, laughed at her reproaches, as, for some time, she had +certainly no right to make any; and, as this piece of jealousy appeared +to be more ill-founded than any she had formerly affected, no person +approved of her ridiculous resentment. Not succeeding in this, she +formed another scheme to give the king uneasiness: Instead of opposing +his extreme tenderness for his son, she pretended to adopt him, in her +affection, by a thousand commendations and caresses, which she was daily +and continually increasing. As these endearments were public, she +imagined they could not be suspected; but she was too well known for +her real design to be mistaken. The king was no longer jealous of her; +but, as the Duke of Monmouth was of an age not to be insensible to the +attractions of a woman possessing so many charms, he thought it proper to +withdraw him from this pretended mother-in-law, to preserve his +innocence, or at least his fame, uncontaminated: it was for this reason, +therefore, that the king married him so young. An heiress of five +thousand pounds a-year in Scotland, offered very a-propos: her person was +full of charms, and her mind possessed all those perfections in which the +handsome Monmouth was deficient. + + [This was Lady Anne Scott, daughter and sole heir of Francis, Earl + of Buccleugh, only son and heir of Walter, Lord Scott, created Earl + of Buccleugh in 1619. On their marriage the duke took the surname + of Scott, and he and his lady were created Duke and Duchess of + Buccleugh, Earl and Countess of Dalkeith, Baron and Baroness of + Whitchester and Ashdale in Scotland, by letters patent, dated April + 20th, 1673. Also, two days after he was installed at Windsor, the + king and queen, the Duke of York, and most of the court being + present. The next day, being St. George's day, his majesty + solemnized it with a royal feast, and entertained the knights + companions in St. George's hall in the castle of Windsor. Though + there were several children of this marriage, it does not appear to + have been a happy one; the duke, without concealment attaching + himself to Lady Harriet Wentworth, whom, with his dying breath, he + declared he considered as his only wife in the sight of God. The + duchess, in May, 1688, took to her second husband Charles, Lord + Cornwallis. She died Feb. 6, 1731-32, in the 81st year of her age, + and was buried at Dalkeith in Scotland. Our author is not more + correct about figures than he avows himself to be in the arrangement + of facts and dates: the duchess's fortune was much greater than he + has stated it to have been.] + +New festivals and entertainments celebrated this marriage. The most +effectual method to pay court to the king, was to outshine the rest in +brilliancy and grandeur; and whilst these rejoicings brought forward all +manner of gallantry and magnificence, they either revived old, or +established new amours. + +The fair Stewart, then in the meridian of her glory, attracted all eyes, +and commanded universal respect and admiration. The Duchess of Cleveland +endeavoured to eclipse her at this fate, by a load of jewels, and by all +the artificial ornaments of dress; but it was in vain: her face looked +rather thin and pale, from the commencement of a third or fourth +pregnancy, which the king was still pleased to place to his own account; +and, as for the rest, her person could in no respect stand in competition +with the grace and beauty of Miss Stewart. + +It was during this last effort of her charms, that she would have been +queen of England, had the king been as free to give his hand as he was +to surrender his heart: for it was at this time that the Duke of Richmond +took it into his head either to marry her, or to die in the attempt. + +A few months after the celebration of the Duke of Monmouth's nuptials, +Killegrew, having nothing better to do; fell in love with Lady +Shrewsbury; and, as Lady Shrewsbury, by a very extraordinary chance, +had no engagement at that time, their amour was soon established. No one +thought of interrupting an intimacy which did not concern any one; but +Killegrew thought proper to disturb it himself. Not that his happiness +fell short of his expectation, nor did possession put him out of love +with a situation so enviable; but he was amazed that he was not envied, +and offended that his good fortune raised him no rivals. + +He possessed a great deal of wit, and still more eloquence, which most +particularly displayed itself when he was a little elevated with the +juice of the grape: he then indulged himself in giving luxurious +descriptions of Lady Shrewsbury's most secret charms and beauties, which +above half the court were as well acquainted with as himself. + +The Duke of Buckingham was one of those who could only judge from outward +appearances: and appearances, in his opinion, did not seem to promise any +thing so exquisite as the extravagant praises of Killegrew would infer. +As this indiscreet lover was a frequent guest at the Duke of Buckingham's +table, he was continually employing his rhetoric on this subject, and he +had full opportunity for his harangues; for they generally sat down to +dinner at four o'clock, and only rose just in time for the play in the +evening. + +The Duke of Buckingham, whose ears were continually deafened with +descriptions of Lady Shrewsbury's merits, resolved at last to examine +into the truth of the matter himself. As soon as he had made the +experiment, he was satisfied; and, though he fancied that fame did +not exceed the truth, yet this intrigue began in such a manner, that +it was generally believed its duration would be short, considering, the +fickleness of both parties, and the vivacity with which they had engaged +in it: nevertheless, no amour in England ever continued so long. + +The imprudent Killegrew, who could not be satisfied without rivals, was +obliged, in the end, to be satisfied without a mistress. This he bore +very impatiently; but so far was Lady Shrewsbury from hearkening to, or +affording any redress for the grievances at first complained of, that she +pretended even not to know him. His spirit could not brook such +treatment; and without ever considering that he was the author of his own +disgrace, he let loose all his abusive eloquence against her ladyship: he +attacked her with the most bitter invectives from head to foot: he drew +a frightful picture of her conduct; and turned all her personal charms, +which he used to extol, into defects. He was privately warned of the +inconveniences to which these declamations might subject him, but +despised the advice, and, persisting, he soon had reason to repent it. + +As he was returning one evening from the Duke of York's apartments at +St. James's, three passes with a sword were made at him through his +chair, one of which went entirely through his arm. Upon this, he was +sensible of the danger to which his intemperate tongue had exposed him, +over and above the loss of his mistress. The assassins made their escape +across the Park, not doubting but they had dispatched him. + +Killegrew thought that all complaints would be useless; for what redress +from justice could he expect for an attempt of which his wounds were his +only evidence? And, besides, he was convinced that if he began a +prosecution founded upon appearances and conjectures, the parties +concerned would take the shortest and most effectual means to put a stop +to all inquiries upon the subject, and that their second attempt would +not prove ineffectual. Being desirous, therefore, of deserving mercy +from those who had endeavoured to assassinate him, he no longer continued +his satires, and said not a word of the adventure. The Duke of +Buckingham and Lady Shrewsbury remained for a long period both happy and +contented. Never before had her constancy been of so long a duration; +nor had he ever been so submissive and respectful a lover. + +This continued until Lord Shrewsbury, who never before had shown the +least uneasiness at his lady's misconduct, thought proper to resent this: +it was public enough, indeed, but less dishonourable to her than any of +her former intrigues. Poor Lord Shrewsbury, too polite a man to make any +reproaches to his wife, was resolved to have redress for his injured +honour: he accordingly challenged the Duke of Buckingham; and the Duke +of Buckingham, as a reparation for his honour, having killed him upon the +spot, remained a peaceable possessor of this famous Helen. The public +was at first shocked at the transaction; but the public grows familiar +with everything by habit, and by degrees both decency, and even virtue +itself, are rendered tame, and overcome. The queen was at the head of +those who exclaimed against so public and scandalous a crime, and against +the impunity of such a wicked act. As the Duchess of Buckingham was a +short fat body, like her majesty, who never had had any children, and +whom her husband had abandoned for another; this sort of parallel in +their situations interested the queen in her favour; but it was all in +vain: no person paid any attention to them; the licentiousness of the age +went on uncontrolled, though the queen endeavoured to raise up the +serious part of the nation, the politicians and devotees, as enemies +against it. + +The fate of this princess was in many cases truly melancholy: The king, +indeed, paid her every outward attention; but that was all: She easily +perceived that the respect he entertained for her daily diminished, in +proportion as the credit of her rivals increased: She saw that the king +her husband was now totally indifferent about legitimate children, since +his all-charming mistresses bore him others. As all the happiness of her +life depended upon that blessing, and as she flattered herself that the +king would prove kinder to her if Heaven would vouchsafe to grant her +desires, she had recourse to all the celebrated secrets against +sterility: pious vows, nine days' prayers, and offerings having been +tried in all manners, but all to no purpose, she was at last obliged +to return to natural means. + +What would she have given on this occasion for the ring which Archbishop +Turpin wore on his finger, and which made Charlemagne run after him, in +the same manner as it had made him run after one of his concubines, from +whose finger Turpin had taken it after her death! But it is now many +years since the only talismans for creating love are the charms of the +person beloved, and foreign enchantments have been looked upon as +ineffectual. The queen's physicians, men of great prudence, sagacity, +and wisdom, as they always are, having duly weighed and considered that +the cold waters of Tunbridge had not succeeded in the preceding year, +concluded that it would be advisable for her to try the warm baths at +Bristol--[Probably Bath, D.W.]--This journey was therefore fixed for the +next season; and in the confidence of its proving effectual, this +excursion would have afforded her much pleasure, if the most dangerous of +her rivals had not been one of the first that was appointed to attend the +court. The Duchess of Cleveland being then near her time, there was no +uneasiness on her account: the common rules of decency required a little +attention. The public, it is true, was not either more or less +acquainted with the circumstances of her situation; by the care which +she now took to conceal it; but her appearing at court in her present +condition would have been too great an insult to the queen. Miss +Stewart, more handsome than ever, was appointed for this excursion, and +began to make magnificent preparations. The poor queen durst say nothing +against it; but all hopes of success immediately forsook her. What could +the baths, or the feeble virtue of the waters, perform against charms +that entirely counteracted their effects, either through the grief and +uneasiness they occasioned her, or by their still more powerful +consequences? + +The Chevalier de Grammont, to whom all pleasures were insipid without the +presence of Miss Hamilton, was yet unable to excuse himself from +attending the court: the king delighted too much in his sprightly +conversation to leave him behind; and however pleasing his company might +have been in the solitude occasioned by the absence of the court, Miss +Hamilton did not think it right to accept his offer of staying in town, +because she was obliged to remain there: she, however, granted him the +permission of writing her an account of any news that might occur upon +the journey. He failed not to make use of this permission, in such a +manner as one may imagine: and his own concerns took up so much space +in his letters, that there was very little room left for other subjects +during his stay at the baths. As absence from the object of his +affections rendered this place insupportable, he engaged in everything +that might dissipate his impatience, until the happy moment of return +arrived. + +He had a great esteem for the elder of the Hamiltons; no less esteem, and +far more friendship for his brother, whom he made the confidant of his +passion and attachment for his sister. The Chevalier was also acquainted +with his first engagements with his cousin Wetenhall; but being ignorant +of the coldness that had interrupted a commerce so brisk in its +commencement, he was surprised at the eagerness he showed upon all +occasions to please Miss Stewart: his assiduity appeared to the Chevalier +de Grammont to exceed those civilities and attentions that are usually +paid for the purpose of making court to the favourites of princes. +He observed him more strictly, and soon perceived that he was deeper in +love with her than was consistent either with his fortune or his repose. +As soon as the remarks he made had confirmed him in his suspicions, +he resolved to use his endeavours to prevent the consequences of an +engagement pernicious in every respect: but he waited for a proper +opportunity of speaking to him upon the subject. + +In the mean time, the court enjoyed every kind of diversion, in a place +where amusement is sought with avidity. The game of bowls, which in +France is the pastime of mechanics and servants only, is quite the +contrary in England, where it is the exercise of gentlemen, and requires +both art and address: it is only in use during the fair and dry part of +the season, and the places where it is practised are charming, delicious +walks, called bowling-greens, which are little square grass plots, where +the turf is almost as smooth and level as the cloth of a billiard-table. +As soon as the heat of the day is over, all the company assemble there: +they play deep; and spectators are at liberty to make what bets they +please. + +The Chevalier de Grammont, long before initiated in the English games +and diversions, had been engaged in a horse-race, in which he was indeed +unsuccessful; but he had the satisfaction of being convinced by +experience, that an English horse can go twenty miles upon the high road +in less than an hour. He was more fortunate at cock-fighting; and in the +bets he made at the bowling-green, the party he betted upon never failed +to win. + +Near all these places of diversion there is usually a sort of inn, or +house of entertainment, with a bower or arbour, in which are sold all +sorts of English liquors, such as cider, mead, bottled beer, and Spanish +wines. Here the rooks meet every evening to drink, smoke, and to try +their skill upon each other, or, in other words, to endeavour to trick +one another out of the winnings of the day. These rooks are, properly +speaking, what we call capons or piqueurs, in France; men who always +carry money about them, to enable them to lend to losing gamesters, for +which they receive a gratification, which is nothing for such as play +deep, as it is only two per cent., and the money to be repaid the next +day. + +These gentlemen are so nice in their calculations, and so particularly +skilful in all manner of games, that no person would dare to enter the +lists with them, were they even assured that no unfairness would be +practised. Besides, they make a vow, to win four or five guineas a day, +and to be satisfied with that gain; a vow which they seldom or never +break. + +It was in the midst of a company of these rooks, that Hamilton found the +Chevalier de Grammont, when he called in one evening to get a glass of +cider. They were playing at hazard; and as he who holds the dice is +supposed to have the advantage, the rooks did the Chevalier de Grammont +that honour out of compliment: he had the dice in his hand when Hamilton +came into the room. The rooks, secure of their odds, were betting +against him at a high rate, and he took all. + +Hamilton could hardly believe his eyes, to see a man of his experience +and knowledge engaged in so unequal a contest; but it was to no purpose +that he informed him of his danger, both aloud in French, and in private +by signs; he still disregarded his warnings, and the dice, that bore +Caesar and his fortunes, performed a miracle in his favour. The rooks +were defeated for the first time, but not without bestowing upon him all +the encomiums and praises of being a very fair and honourable player, +which they never fail to lavish upon those whom they wish to engage a +second time; but all their commendations were lost, and their hopes +deceived: the Chevalier was satisfied with the first experiment. + +Hamilton, when the king was at supper, related to him how he found the +Chevalier de Grammont rashly engaged with the rooks, and in what manner +he had been providentially preserved. "Indeed, Sir," said the Chevalier +de Grammont, "the rooks were discomfited for once;" and thereupon related +the adventure to his majesty in his usual way, attracting the attention +of all the company, to a circumstance trifling in itself, but rendered +interesting by his humour. + +After supper, Miss Stewart, in whose apartment there was play, called +Hamilton to her to tell the story. The Chevalier de Grammont, perceiving +that she attended to him with pleasure, was fully confirmed in the truth +of his first conjectures; and, having carried Hamilton home with him to +supper, they began to discourse freely together as usual George," said +the Chevalier de Grammont, "are you in any want of money? I know you +love play: perhaps it may not be so favourable to you as it is to me. We +are at a great distance from London. Here are two hundred guineas: take +them, I beseech you; they will do to play with at Miss Stewart's." +Hamilton, who little expected this conclusion, was rather disconcerted. +"How! at Miss Stewart's!" "Yes, in her apartments. Friend George," +continued the Chevalier de Grammont, "I have not yet lost my eyes: you +are in love with her, and, if I am not mistaken, she is not offended at +it; but tell me how you could resolve to banish poor Wetenhall from your +heart, and suffer yourself to be infatuated with a girl, who perhaps +after all is not worth the other, and who besides, whatever favourable +dispositions she may have for you, will undoubtedly in the end prove your +ruin. Faith, your brother and you are two pretty fellows, in your +choice. What! can you find no other beauties in all the court to fall +in love with, except the king's two mistresses! As for the elder +brother, I can pardon him he only took Lady Castlemaine after his master +had done with her, and after Lady Chesterfield had discarded him; but, +as for you, what the devil do you intend to do with a creature, on whom +the king seems every day to dote with increasing fondness? Is it because +that drunken sot Richmond has again come forward, and now declares +himself one of her professed admirers? You will soon see what he will +make by it: I have not forgotten what the king said to me upon the +subject. "Believe me, my dear friend, there is no playing tricks with +our masters; I mean, there is no ogling their mistresses. I myself +wanted to play the agreeable in France with a little coquette, whom +the king did not care about, and you know how dearly I paid for it. +I confess she gives you fair play, but do not trust to her. All the sex +feel an unspeakable satisfaction at having men in their train, whom they +care not for, and to use them as their slaves of state, merely to swell +their equipage. Would it not be a great deal better to pass a week or +ten days incognito at Peckham, with the philosopher Wetenhall's wife, +than to have it inserted in the Dutch Gazette.--We hear from Bristol, +that such a one is banished the court on account of Miss Stewart, and +that he is going to make a campaign in Guinea on board the fleet that is +fitting out for the expedition, under the command of Prince Rupert." + +Hamilton, who was the more convinced of the truth of this discourse, the +more he considered it, after musing some time, appeared to wake from a +dream, and addressing himself with an air of gratitude to the Chevalier +de Grammont: "Of all the men in the world, my dear friend," said he, "you +have the most agreeable wit, and at the same time the clearest judgment +with respect to your friends: what you have told me has opened my eyes. +I began to suffer myself to be seduced by the most ridiculous illusion +imaginable, and to be hurried away rather by frivolous appearances than +any real inclination: to you I owe the obligation of having preserved me +from destruction at the very brink of a precipice. This is not the only +kindness you have done me, your favours have been innumerable; and, +as a proof of my gratitude for this last, I will follow your advice, +and go into retirement at my cousin Wetenhall's, to eradicate from my +recollection every trace of those chimeras which lately possessed my +brain; but so far from going thither incognito, I will take you along +with me, as soon as the court returns to London. My sister shall +likewise be of the party; for it is prudent to use all precautions with +a man who, with a great deal of merit, on such occasions is not over +scrupulous, if we may credit your philosopher." "Do not pay any +attention to that pedant," replied the Chevalier de Grammont: "but tell +me what put it into your head to form a design upon that inanimate +statue, Miss Stewart?" "How the devil should I know?" said Hamilton: +"you are acquainted with all her childish amusements. The old Lord +Carlingford was at her apartment one evening, showing her how to hold a +lighted wax candle in her mouth, and the grand secret consisted in +keeping the burning end there a long time without its being extinguished. +I have, thank God, a pretty large mouth, and, in order to out-do her +teacher, I took two candles into my mouth at the same time, and walked +three times round the room without their going out. Every person present +adjudged me the prize of this illustrious experiment, and Killegrew +maintained that nothing but a lanthorn could stand in competition with +me. Upon this she was like to die with laughing; and thus was I admitted +into the familiarity of her amusements. It is impossible to deny her +being one of the most charming creatures that ever was: since the court +has been in the country, I have had an hundred opportunities of seeing +her, which I had not before. You know that the dishabille of the bath is +a great convenience for those ladies, who, strictly adhering to all the +rules of decorum, are yet desirous to display all their charms and +attractions. Miss Stewart is so fully acquainted with the advantages she +possesses over all other women, that it is hardly possible to praise any +lady at court for a well-turned arm, and a fine leg, but she is ever +ready to dispute the point by demonstration; and I really believe, that, +with a little address, it would not be difficult to induce her to strip +naked, without ever reflecting upon what she was doing. After all, a man +must be very insensible to remain unconcerned and unmoved on such happy +occasions; and, besides, the good opinion we entertain of ourselves is +apt to make us think a woman is smitten, as soon as she distinguishes us +by habitual familiarity, which most commonly signifies nothing. This is +the truth of the matter with respect to myself: my own presumption, her +beauty, the brilliant station that sets it off, and a thousand kind +things she had said to me, prevented me from making serious reflections; +but then, as some excuse for my folly, I must likewise tell you, that the +facility I found in making her the tenderest declarations by commending +her, and her telling me in confidence a thousand things which she ought +not to have entrusted me with, might have deceived or infatuated any +other man as well as myself. + +"I presented her with one of the prettiest horses in England. You know +what peculiar grace and elegance distinguish her on horseback. The king, +who, of all the diversions of the chase, likes none but hawking, because +it is the most convenient for the ladies, went out the other day to take +this amusement, attended by all the beauties of his court. His majesty +having galloped after a falcon, and the whole bright squadron after him, +the rustling of Miss Stewart's petticoats frightened her horse, which was +at full speed, endeavouring to come up with mine, that had been his +companion; so that I was the only witness of a disorder in her clothes, +which displayed a thousand new beauties to my view. I had the good +fortune to make such gallant and flattering exclamations upon that +charming disorder as to prevent her being concerned or out of countenance +upon it: on the contrary, this subject of my admiration has been +frequently since the subject of our conversation, and did not seem to +displease her. + +"Old Lord Carlingford, and that mad fellow, Crofts (for I must now make +you my general confession), those insipid buffoons, were frequently +telling her some diverting stories, which passed pretty well with the +help of a few old threadbare jests, or some apish tricks in the recital, +which made her laugh heartily. As for myself, who know no stories, and +do not possess the talent of improving them by telling, if I did know +any, I was often greatly embarrassed when she desired me to tell her one: +'I do not know one, indeed,' said I, one day, when she was teazing me on +the subject. 'Invent one, then,' said she. 'That would be still more +difficult,' replied I; 'but if you will give me leave, madam, I will +relate to you a very extraordinary dream, which has, however, less +appearance of truth in it than dreams generally have.' This excited her +curiosity, which would brook no denial. I therefore began to tell her +that the most beautiful creature in the world, whom I loved to +distraction, paid me a visit in my sleep. I then drew her own portrait, +with a rapturous description of all her beauties; adding, that this +goddess, who came to visit me with the most favourable intentions, did +not counteract them by any unreasonable cruelty. This was not sufficient +to satisfy Miss Stewart's curiosity: I was obliged to relate every +particular circumstance of the kindness I experienced from this delicate +phantom; to which she was so very attentive, that she never once appeared +surprised or disconcerted at the luscious tale. On the contrary, she +made me repeat the description of the beauty, which I drew as near as +possible after her own person, and after such charms as I imagined of +beauties that were unknown to me. + +"This is, in fact, the very thing that had almost deprived me of my +senses: she knew very well that she herself was the person I was +describing: we were alone, as you may imagine, when I told her this +story; and my eyes did their utmost to persuade her that it was herself +whom I drew. I perceived that she was not in the least offended at +knowing this; nor was her modesty in the least alarmed at the relation of +a fiction, which I might have concluded in a manner still less discreet, +if I had thought proper. This patient audience made me plunge headlong +into the ocean of flattering ideas that presented themselves to my +imagination. I then no longer thought of the king, nor how passionately +fond he was of her, nor of the dangers attendant upon such an engagement: +in short, I know not what the devil I was thinking of; but I am very +certain that, if you had not been thinking for me, I might have found my +ruin in the midst of these distracted visions." + +Not long after, the court returned to London; and from that time, some +malevolent star having gained the ascendant, every thing went cross in +the empire of Love: vexation, suspicions, or jealousies, first entered +the field, to set all hearts at variance; next, false reports, slander, +and disputes, completed the ruin of all. + +The Duchess of Cleveland had been brought to bed while the court was at +Bristol; and never before had she recovered from her lying-in with such +a profusion of charms. This made her believe that she was in a proper +state to retrieve her ancient rights over the king's heart, if she had an +opportunity of appearing before him with this increased splendour. Her +friends being of the same opinion, her equipage was prepared for this +expedition; but the very evening before the day she had fixed on to set +out, she saw young Churchill, and was at once seized with a disease, +which had more than once opposed her projects, and which she could never +completely get the better of. + + [Churchill--Afterwards the celebrated Duke of Marlborough. He was + born midsummer-day, 1650, and died June 16, 1722. Bishop Burnet + takes notice of the discovery of this intrigue. "The Duchess of + Cleveland finding that she had lost the king, abandoned herself to + great disorders; one of which, by the artifice of the Duke of + Buckingham, was discovered by the king in person, the party + concerned leaping out of the window."--History of his own Times, + vol. i. p. 370. This was in 1668. A very particular account of + this intrigue is to be seen in the Atalantis of Mrs. Manley, vol. + i., p. 30. The same writer, who had lived as companion to the + Duchess of Cleveland, says, in the account of her own life, that she + was an eye-witness when the duke, who had received thousands from + the duchess, refused the common civility of lending her twenty + guineas at basset.--The history of Rivella, 4th ed. 1725, p. 33. + Lord Chesterfield's character of this noblemen is too remarkable to + be omitted. + + "Of all the men that ever I knew in my life, (and I knew him + extremely well,) the late Duke of Marlborough possessed the graces + in the highest degree, not to say engrossed them: and indeed he got + the most by them! for I will venture, (contrary to the custom of + profound historians, who always assign deep causes to great events,) + to ascribe the better half of the Duke of Marlborough's greatness + and riches to those graces. He was eminently illiterate, wrote bad + English, and spelled it still worse. He had no share of what is + commonly called parts; that is, he had no brightness, nothing + shining in his genius. He had, most undoubtedly, an excellent good + plain understanding, with sound judgment. But these alone would + probably have raised him but something higher than they found him, + which was page to King James II.'s queen. There the graces + protected and promoted him; for while he was an ensign of the + guards, the Duchess of Cleveland, then favourite mistress to King + Charles II., struck by those very graces, gave him five thousand + pounds; with which he immediately bought an annuity for his life, of + five hundred pounds a-year, of my grandfather, Halifax; which was + the foundation of his subsequent fortune. His figure was beautiful; + but his manner was irresistible by either man or woman. It was by + this engaging, graceful manner, that he was enabled, during all his + wars, to connect the various and jarring powers of the grand + alliance, and to carry them on to the main object of the war, + notwithstanding their private and separate views, jealousies, and + wrong-headednesses. Whatever court he went to, (and he was often + obliged to go himself to some restive and refractory ones,) he as + constantly prevailed, and brought them into his measures. The + pensionary Heinsius, a venerable old minister, grown grey in + business, and who had governed the republic of the United Provinces + for more than forty years, was absolutely governed by the Duke of + Marlborough, as that republic feels to this day. He was always + cool; and nobody ever observed the least variation in his + countenance. He could refuse more gracefully than other people + could grant; and those who went away from him the most dissatisfied, + as to the substance of their business, were yet personally charmed + with him, and, in some degree, comforted by his manner. With all + his gracefulness, no man living was more conscious of his situation, + or maintained his dignity better."--Chest. Letters, letter 136.] + +A man who, from an ensign in the guards, was raised to such a fortune, +must certainly possess an uncommon share of prudence, not to be +intoxicated with his happiness. Churchill boasted in all places of +the new favour he had received: the Duchess of Cleveland, who neither +recommended to him circumspection in his behaviour, nor in his +conversation, did not seem to be in the least concerned at his +indiscretion. Thus this intrigue was become a general topic in all +companies, when the court arrived in London, and occasioned an immense +number of speculations and reasonings: some said she had already +presented him with Jermyn's pension, and Jacob Hall's salary, because +the merits and qualifications of both were united in his person: others +maintained that he had too indolent an air, and too delicate a shape, +long to maintain himself in her favour; but all agreed that a man who was +the favourite of the king's mistress, and brother to the duke's +favourite, was in a fair way of preferment, and could not fail to make +his fortune. As a proof, the Duke of York soon after gave him a place in +his household: this was naturally to be expected; but the king, who did +not think that Lady Cleveland's kindness to him was a sufficient +recommendation to his favour, thought proper to forbid him the court. + +This good-natured king began now to be rather peevish: nor was it +altogether without reason: he disturbed no person in their amours, and +yet others had often the presumption to encroach upon his. Lord Dorset, +first lord of the bed-chamber, had lately debauched from his service Nell +Gwyn, the actress. Lady Cleveland, whom he now no longer regarded, +continued to disgrace him by repeated infidelities with unworthy rivals, +and almost ruined him by the immense sums she lavished on her gallants; +but that which most sensibly affected him, was the late coldness and +threats of Miss Stewart. He long since had offered her all the +settlements and all the titles she could desire, until he had an +opportunity more effectually to provide for her, which she had pretended +only to decline, for fear of the scandal they might occasion, on her +being raised to a rank which would attract the public notice; but since +the return of the court, she had given herself other airs: sometimes she +was for retiring from court, to appease the continual uneasiness her +presence gave the queen: at other times it was to avoid temptations, +by which she wished to insinuate that her innocence was still preserved: +in short, the king's heart was continually distracted by alarms, or +oppressed by humour and caprice. + +As he could not for his life imagine what Miss Stewart wished him to do, +or what she would be at, he thought upon reforming his establishment of +mistresses, to try whether jealousy was not the real occasion of her +uneasiness. It was for this reason that, after having solemnly declared +he would have nothing more to say to the Duchess of Cleveland, since her +intrigue with Churchill, he discarded, without any exception, all the +other mistresses which he had in various parts of the town. The Nell +Gwyns, the Misses Davis, and the joyous rain of singers and dancers in +his majesty's theatre, were all dismissed. All these sacrifices were +ineffectual: Miss Stewart continued to torment, and almost to drive the +king to distraction; but his majesty soon after found out the real cause +of this coldness. + +This discovery was owing to the officious Duchess of Cleveland, who, ever +since her disgrace, had railed most bitterly against Miss Stewart as the +cause of it, and against the king's weakness, who, for an inanimate +idiot, had treated her with so much indignity. As some of her grace's +creatures were still in the king's confidence, by their means she was +informed of the king's uneasiness, and that Miss Stewart's behaviour was +the occasion of it--and as soon as she had found the opportunity she had +so long wished for, she went directly into the king's cabinet, through +the apartment of one of his pages called Chiffinch. This way was not new +to her. + +The king was just returned from visiting Miss Stewart, in a very ill +humour: the presence of the Duchess of Cleveland surprised him, and did +not in the least diminish it: she, perceiving this, accosted him in an +ironical tone, and with a smile of indignation. "I hope," said she, +"I may be allowed to pay you my homage, although the angelic Stewart has +forbid you to see me at my own house. I will not make use of reproaches +and expostulations, which would disgrace myself: still less will I +endeavour to excuse frailties which nothing can justify, since your +constancy for me deprives me of all defence, considering I am the only +person you have honoured with your tenderness, who has made herself +unworthy of it by ill conduct. I come now, therefore, with no other +intent than to comfort and to condole with you upon the affliction and +grief into which the coldness, or new-fashioned chastity of the inhuman +Stewart have reduced your majesty." These words were attended by a fit +of laughter, as unnatural and strained as it was insulting and +immoderate, which completed the king's impatience: he had, indeed, +expected that some bitter jest would follow this preamble; but he did not +suppose she would have given herself such blustering airs, considering +the terms they were then upon; and, as he was preparing to answer her: +"be not offended," said she, "that I take the liberty of laughing at the +gross manner in which you are imposed upon: I cannot bear to see that +such particular affectation should make you the jest of your own court, +and that you should be ridiculed with such impunity. I know that the +affected Stuart has sent you away, under pretence of some indisposition, +or perhaps some scruple of conscience; and I come to acquaint you that +the Duke of Richmond will soon be with her, if he is not there already. +I do not desire you to believe what I say, since it might be suggested +either through resentment or envy: only follow me to her apartment, +either that, no longer trusting calumny and malice, you may honour her +with a just preference, if I accuse her falsely; or, if my information be +true, you may no longer be the dupe of a pretended prude, who makes you +act so unbecoming and ridiculous a part." + +As she ended this speech, she took him by the hand, while he was yet +undecided, and pulled him away towards her rival's apartments. Chiffinch +being in her interest, Miss Stewart could have no warning of the visit; +and Babiani, who owed all to the Duchess of Cleveland, and who served her +admirably well upon this occasion, came and told her that the Duke of +Richmond had just gone into Miss Stewart's chamber. It was in the middle +of a little gallery, which, through a private door, led from the king's +apartments to those of his mistresses. The Duchess of Cleveland wished +him good night, as he entered her rival's chamber, and retired, in order +to wait the success of the adventure, of which Babiani, who attended the +king, was charged to come and give her an account. + +It was near midnight: the king, in his way, met his mistress's chamber- +maids, who respectfully opposed his entrance, and in a very low voice, +whispered his majesty that Miss Stewart had been very ill since he left +her: but that, being gone to bed, she was, God be thanked, in a very fine +sleep. "That I must see," said the king, pushing her back, who had +posted herself in his way. He found Miss Stewart in bed, indeed, but far +from being asleep: the Duke of Richmond was seated at her pillow, and in +all probability was less inclined to sleep than herself. The perplexity +of the one party, and the rage of the other, were such as may easily be +imagined upon such a surprise. The king, who, of all men, was one of the +most mild and gentle, testified his resentment to the Duke of Richmond in +such terms as he had never before used. The duke was speechless, and +almost petrified: he saw his master and his king justly irritated. The +first transports which rage inspires on such occasions are dangerous. +Miss Stewart, window was very convenient for a sudden revenge, the Thames +flowing close beneath it: he cast his eyes upon it; and, seeing those of +the king more incensed and fired with indignation than he thought his +nature capable of, he made a profound bow, and retired, without replying +a single word to the vast torrent of threats and menaces that were poured +upon him. + +Miss Stewart, having a little recovered from her first surprise, instead +of justifying herself, began to talk in the most extravagant manner, and +said everything that was most capable to inflame the king's passion and +resentment; that, if she were not allowed to receive visits from a man of +the Duke of Richmond's rank, who came with honourable intentions, she was +a slave in a free country; that she knew of no engagement that could +prevent her from disposing of her hand as she thought proper; but, +however, if this was not permitted her in his dominions, she did not +believe that there was any power on earth that could hinder her from +going over to France, and throwing herself into a convent, to enjoy there +that tranquillity which was denied her in his court. The king, sometimes +furious with anger, sometimes relenting at her tears, and sometimes +terrified at her menaces, was so greatly agitated, that he knew not how +to answer, either the nicety of a creature who wanted to act the part of +Lucretia under his own eye, or the assurance with which she had the +effrontery to reproach him. In this suspense, love had almost entirely +vanquished all his resentments, and had nearly induced him to throw +himself upon his knees, and entreat pardon for the injury he had done +her, when she desired him to retire, and leave her in repose, at least +for the remainder of that night, without offending those who had either +accompanied him, or conducted him to her apartments, by a longer visit. +This impertinent request provoked and irritated him to the highest +degree: he went out abruptly, vowing never to see her more, and passed +the most restless and uneasy night he had ever experienced since his +restoration. + +The next day the Duke of Richmond received orders to quit the court, and +never more to appear before the king; but it seems he had not waited for +those orders, having set out early that morning for his country seat. + +Miss Stewart, in order to obviate all injurious constructions that might +be put upon the adventure of the preceding night, went and threw herself +at the queen's feet; where, acting the new part of an innocent Magdalen, +she entreated her majesty's forgiveness for all the sorrow and uneasiness +she might have already occasioned her. She told her majesty that a +constant and sincere repentance had induced her to contrive all possible +means for retiring from court: that this reason had inclined her to +receive the Duke of Richmond's addresses, who had courted her a long +time; but since this courtship had caused his disgrace, and had likewise +raised a vast noise and disturbance, which perhaps might be turned to the +prejudice of her reputation, she conjured her Majesty to take her under +her protection, and endeavour to obtain the king's permission for her to +retire into a convent, to remove at once all those vexations and troubles +her presence had innocently occasioned at court. All this was +accompanied with a proper deluge of tears. + +It is a very agreeable spectacle to see a rival prostrate at our feet, +entreating pardon, and at the same time justifying her conduct. The +queen's heart not only relented, but she mingled her own tears with those +of Miss Stewart. After having raised her up, and most tenderly embraced +her, she promised her all manner of favour and protection, either in her +marriage, or in any other course she thought fit to pursue, and parted +from her with the firm resolution to exert all her interest in her +support; but, being a person of great judgment, the reflections which +she afterwards made, induced her to change her opinion! + +She knew that the king's disposition was not capable of an obstinate +constancy. She therefore judged that absence would cure him, or that a +new engagement would by degrees entirely efface the remembrance of Miss +Stewart, and that, since she could not avoid having a rival, it was more +desirable she should be one who had given such eminent proofs of her +prudence and virtue. Besides, she flattered herself that the king would +ever think himself eternally obliged to her, for having opposed the +retreat and marriage of a girl, whom at that time he loved to +distraction. This fine reasoning determined her conduct. All her +industry was employed in persuading Miss Stewart to abandon her schemes; +and what is most extraordinary in this adventure, is, that, after having +prevailed upon her to think no more either of the Duke of Richmond, or of +a nunnery, she charged herself with the office of reconciling these two +lovers. + +Indeed it would have been a thousand pities if her negotiation had +miscarried but she did not suffer this misfortune; for never were the +king's addresses so eager and passionate as after this peace, nor ever +better received by the fair Stewart. + +His majesty did not long enjoy the sweets of a reconciliation, which +brought him into the best good humour possible, as we shall see. All +Europe was in a profound peace, since the treaty of the Pyrenees: Spain +flattered herself she should be able to recruit, by means of the new +alliance she had contracted with the most formidable of her neighbours; +but despaired of being able to support the shattered remains of a +declining monarchy, when she considered the age and infirmities of her +prince, or the weakness of his successor: France, on the contrary, +governed by a king indefatigable in business, young, vigilant, and +ambitious of glory, wanted nothing but inclination to aggrandize herself. + +It was about this time, that the king of France, not willing to disturb +the tranquillity of Europe, was persuaded to alarm the coasts of Africa, +by an attempt, which, if it had even been crowned with success, would +have produced little good; but the king's fortune, ever faithful to his +glory, has since made it appear, by the miscarriage of the expedition of +Gigeri, that such projects only as were planned by himself were worthy of +his attention. + + [Gigeri is about forty leagues from Algiers. Till the year 1664 the + French had a factory there; but then attempting to build a fort on + the sea-coast, to be a check upon the Arabs, they came down from the + mountains, beat the French out of Gigeri, and demolished their fort. + Sir Richard Fanshaw, in a letter to the deputy governor of Tangier, + dated 2nd December, 1664, N.S., says, "We have certain intelligence + that the French have lost Gigheria, with all they had there, and + their fleet come back, with the loss of one considerable ship upon + the rocks near Marseilles."--Fanshaw's Letters, vol. i. p. 347.] + +A short time after, the king of England, having resolved also to explore +the African coasts, fitted out a squadron for an expedition to Guinea, +which was to be commanded by Prince Rupert. Those who, from their own +experience, had some knowledge of the country, related strange and +wonderful stories of the dangers attendant upon this expedition that they +would have to fight not only the inhabitants of Guinea, a hellish people, +whose arrows were poisoned, and who never gave their prisoners better +quarter than to devour them, but that they must likewise endure heats +that were insupportable, and rains that were intolerable, every drop of +which was changed into a serpent: that, if they penetrated farther into +the country, they would be assaulted by monsters a thousand times more +hideous and destructive than all the beasts mentioned in the Revelations. + +But all these reports were vain and ineffectual: for so far from striking +terror into those who were appointed to go upon this expedition, it +rather acted as an incentive to glory, upon those who had no manner of +business in it. Jermyn appeared among the foremost of those; and, +without reflecting that the pretence of his indisposition had delayed +the conclusion of his marriage with Miss Jennings, he asked the duke's +permission, and the king's consent to serve in it as a volunteer. + +Some time before this, the infatuation which had imposed upon the fair +Jennings in his favour had begun to subside. All that now inclined her +to this match were the advantages of a settlement. The careless +indolence of a lover, who faintly paid his addresses to her, as it were +from custom or habit, disgusted her; and the resolution he had taken, +without consulting her, appeared so ridiculous in him, and so injurious +to herself, that, from that moment, she resolved to think no more of him. +Her eyes being opened by degrees, she saw the fallacy of the splendour, +which had at first deceived her; and the renowned Jermyn was received +according to his real merit when he came to acquaint her with his +heroical project. There appeared so much indifference and ease in the +raillery with which she complimented him upon his voyage, that he was +entirely disconcerted, and so much the more so, as he had prepared all +the arguments he thought capable of consoling her, upon announcing to her +the fatal news of his departure. She told him, "that nothing could be +more glorious for him, who had triumphed over the liberty of so many +persons in Europe, than too and extend his conquests in other parts of +the world; and that she advised him to bring home with him all the female +captives he might make in Africa, in order to replace those beauties whom +his absence would bring to the grave." + +Jermyn was highly displeased that she should be capable of raillery in +the condition he supposed her reduced to; but he soon perceived she was +in earnest: she told him, that she considered this farewell visit as his +last, and desired him not to think of making her any more before his +departure. + +Thus far everything went well on her side: Jermyn was not only confounded +at having received his discharge in so cavalier a manner; but this very +demonstration of her indifference had revived, and even redoubled, all +the love and affection he had formerly felt for her. Thus she had both +the pleasure of despising him, and of seeing him more entangled in the +chains of love than he had ever been before. This was not sufficient: +she wished still farther, and very unadvisedly, to strain her resentment. + +Ovid's Epistles,--[This is the translation of Ovid's Epistles published +by Mr. Dryden. The second edition of it was printed in 1681.]-- +translated into English verse by the greatest wits at court, having +lately been published, she wrote a letter from a shepherdess in despair, +addressed to the perfidious Jermyn. She took the epistle of Ariadne to +Theseus for her model. The beginning of this letter contained, word for +word, the complaints and reproaches of that injured fair to the cruel man +by whom she had been abandoned. All this was properly adapted to the +present times and circumstances. It was her design to have closed this +piece with a description of the toils, perils, and monsters, that awaited +him in Guinea, for which he quitted a tender mistress, who was plunged +into the abyss of misery, and was overwhelmed with grief and despair; but +not having had time to finish it, nor to get that which she had written +transcribed, in order to send it to him under a feigned name, she +inconsiderately put this fragment, written in her own hand, into her +pocket, and, still more giddily, dropped it in the middle of the court. +Those who took it up, knowing her writing, made several copies of it, +which were circulated all over the town; but her former conduct had so +well established the reputation of her virtue, that no person entertained +the smallest doubt but the circumstances were exactly as we have related +them. Some time after, the Guinea expedition was laid aside for reasons +that are universally known, and Miss Jenning's subsequent proceedings +fully justified her letter; for, notwithstanding all the efforts and +attentions Jermyn practised to regain her affections, she would never +more hear of him. + +But he was not the only man who experienced the whimsical fatality, that +seemed to delight in disuniting hearts, in order to engage them soon +after to different objects. One would have imagined that the God of +Love, actuated by some new caprice, had placed his empire under the +dominion of Hymen, and had, at the same time, blind-folded that God, in +order to cross-match most of the lovers whom we have been speaking of' + +The fair Stewart married the Duke of Richmond; the invincible Jermyn, a +silly country girl; Lord Rochester, a melancholy heiress; the sprightly +Temple, the serious Lyttleton; Talbot, without knowing why or wherefore, +took to wife the languishing Boynton; George Hamilton, under more +favourable auspices, married the lovely Jennings; and the Chevalier de +Grammont, as the reward of a constancy he had never before known, and +which he never afterwards practised, found Hymen and Love united in his +favour, and was at last blessed with the possession of Miss Hamilton. + + [After the deaths of Miss Boynton and of George Hamilton, Talbot + married Miss Jennings, and became afterwards Duke of Tyrconnel.] + + ["The famous Count Grammont was thought to be the original of The + Forced Marriage. This nobleman, during his stay at the court of + England, had made love to Miss Hamilton, but was coming away for + France without bringing matters to a proper conclusion. The young + lady's brothers pursued him, and came up with him near Dover, in + order to exchange some pistol-shot with him: They called out, 'Count + Grammont, have you forgot nothing at London?' 'Excuse me,' answered + the Count, guessing their errand, 'I forgot to marry your sister; so + lead on, and let us finish that affair.' By the pleasantry of the + answer, this was the same Grammont who commanded at the siege of a + place, the governor of which capitulated after a short defence, and + obtained an easy capitulation. The governor then said to Monsieur + Grammont, I'll tell you a secret--that the reason of my capitulation + was, because I was in want of powder.' Monsieur replied, 'And + secret for secret--the reason of my granting you such an easy + capitulation was, because I was in want of ball."--Biog. Gallica, + vol. i., p. 202. + + Count Grammont and his lady left England in 1669. King Charles in a + letter to his sister, the Duchess of Orleans, dated 24th October, in + that year, says, "I writt to you yesterday, by the Compte de + Grammont, but I beleeve this letter will come sooner to your handes; + for he goes by the way of Diep, with his wife and family; and now + that I have named her, I cannot chuse but againe desire you to be + kinde to her; for, besides the merrit her family has on both sides, + she is as good a creature as ever lived. I beleeve she will passe + for a handsome woman in France, though she has not yett, since her + lying-inn, recovered that good shape she had before, and I am + affraide never will."--Dalxymple's Memoirs, vol. ii. p. 26. + + "The Count de Grammont fell dangerously ill in the year 1696; of + which the king (Louis XIV.) being informed, and knowing, besides, + that he was inclined to libertinism, he was pleased to send the + Marquis of Dangeau to see how he did, and to advise him to think of + God. Hereupon Count de Grammont, turning towards his wife, who had + ever been a very devout lady, told her, Countess, if you don't look + to it, Dangeau will juggle you out of my conversion. Madame de + l'Enclos having afterwards written to M. de St Evremond that Count + de Grammont was recovered, and turned devout,--I have learned, + answered he to her, with a great deal of pleasure, that Count de + Grammont has recovered his former health, and acquired a new + devotion. Hitherto I have been contented with being a plain honest + man; but I must do something more; and I only wait for your example + to become a devotee. You live in a country where people have + wonderful advantages of saving their souls, there vice is almost as + opposite to the mode as to virtue; sinning passes for ill-breeding, + and shocks decency and good manners, as much as religion, Formerly + it was enough to be wicked; now one must be a scoundrel withal, to + be damned in France. They who have not regard enough for another + life, are led to salvation by the consideration and duties of this." + --"But there is enough upon a subject in which the conversion of the + Count de Grammont has engaged me: I believe it to be sincere and + honest. It well becomes a man who is not young, to forget he has + been so."--Life of St. Evremond, by Des Marzeaux, p. 136; and St. + Evremond's Works, vol. ii. p. 431.] + + + + +ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS: + +Busy without consequence +Entreating pardon, and at the same time justifying her conduct +Four dozen of patches, at least, and ten ringlets of hair +He had no sentiments but such as others inspired him with +Impertinent compliments +Long habit of suffering himself to be robbed by his domestics +Offended that his good fortune raised him no rivals +Public grows familiar with everything by habit + + + + + + +ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS FOR THE ENTIRE "MEMOIRS COUNT GRAMMONT" + +All day poring over his books, and went to bed soon +Ambition to pass for a wit, only established her tiresome +An affectation of purity of manners +As all fools are who have good memories +Better memory for injuries than for benefits +Better to know nothing at all, than to know too much +Better to partake with another than to have nothing at all +Busy without consequence +By a strange perversion of language, styled, all men of honour +Despising everything which was not like themselves +Devote himself to his studies, than to the duties of matrimony +Duke would see things if he could +Embellish the truth, in order to enhance the wonder +Entreating pardon, and at the same time justifying her conduct +Envy each other those indulgences which themselves refuse +Every thing that is necessary is honourable in politics +Four dozen of patches, at least, and ten ringlets of hair +Good attendants, but understood cheating still better +Great earnestness passed for business +Grew so fat and plump that it was a blessing to see her +Hardly possible for a woman to have less wit, or more beauty +He had no sentiments but such as others inspired him with +He talked eternally, without saying anything +He as little feared the Marquis as he loved him +His mistress given him by his priests for penance +How I must hate you, if I did not love you to distraction +Impenetrable stupidity (passed) for secrecy +Impertinent compliments +Life, in his opinion, was too short to read all sorts of books +Long habit of suffering himself to be robbed by his domestics +Maxim of all jealous husbands +Never felt the pressure of indigence +Not disagreeable, but he had a serious contemplative air +Not that he wanted capacity, but he was too self-sufficient +Obstinate against all other advices +Offended that his good fortune raised him no rivals +One amour is creditable to a lady +Possessed but little raillery, and still less patience +Public is not so easily deceived as some people imagine +Public grows familiar with everything by habit +Reasons of state assume great privileges +Resolved to renounce the church for the salvation of my soul +She just said what she ought, and no more +So weak as to transform your slave into your tyrant +Terrible piece of furniture for the country (educated girl) +The shortest follies are the best +There are men of real merit, or pretenders to it +They can by no means bear the inconstancy of their mistresses +Those who open a book merely to find fault +Very willing to accept, but was tardy in making returns +Wealth was necessary for the conveniencies of a long life +What jealousy fears, and what it always deserves +What a glory would it be to have a Cato for a husband +Would have been criminal even in chastity to spare (her husband) + + + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MEMOIRS OF GRAMMONT, ALL, BY HAMILTON *** + +************* This file should be named mcg8w10.txt or mcg8w10.zip ************* + +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, mcg8w11.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, mcg8w10a.txt + +This eBook was produced by David Widger <widger@cecomet.net> + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. 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