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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a4ddab9 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #54135 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/54135) diff --git a/old/54135-0.txt b/old/54135-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 42f6fef..0000000 --- a/old/54135-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,4579 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook, Whist or Bumblepuppy, by John Petch Hewby - - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - - -Title: Whist or Bumblepuppy - Thirteen Lectures Addressed to Children - - -Author: John Petch Hewby - - - -Release Date: February 8, 2017 [eBook #54135] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - - -***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHIST OR BUMBLEPUPPY*** - - -E-text prepared by Emmy, MFR, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team -(http://www.pgdp.net) from page images digitized by the Google Books -Library Project (http://books.google.com) and generously made available by -Internet Archive (https://archive.org) - - - -Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this - file which includes the original illustrations. - See 54135-h.htm or 54135-h.zip: - (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/54135/54135-h/54135-h.htm) - or - (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/54135/54135-h.zip) - - - Images of the original pages are available through - Internet Archive. See - https://archive.org/details/whistorbumblepu00unkngoog - - -Transcriber's note: - - Text enclosed by underscores is in italics (_italics_). - - Text enclosed by equal signs is in bold face (=bold=). - - Text enclosed by tilde characters is underscored - (~underscored~). - - - - - -WHIST OR BUMBLEPUPPY - -Thirteen Lectures Addressed to Children. - -by - -PEMBRIDGE. - - “Ingenuas didicisse fideliter artes - Emollunt mores, nec sinuisse feros.”—_The Newcomes._ - -Revised and Enlarged Edition. - - - - - - -[Illustration] - -London: -Frederick Warne & Co., -Bedford Street, Strand. - -Mudie & Sons, -15 Coventry Street, W. -1895. - -London: -Printed by Geo. W. Jones, -35 St. Bride St., E.C. -· - - - -WHIST; OR BUMBLEPUPPY? - - -——— - - - “We have been rather lengthy in our remarks on this - book, as it is the best attempt we have ever seen to - shame very bad players into trying to improve, and also - because it abounds with most sensible maxims, dressed - up in a very amusing and palatable form.”—_The Field._ - - “‘Whist; or Bumblepuppy?’ is one of the most - entertaining and at the same time one of the soundest - books on Whist ever written. Its drollery may blind - some readers to the value of its advice; no man who - knows anything about Whist, however, will fail to read - it with interest, and few will fail to read it with - advantage. Upon the ordinary rules of Whist ‘Pembridge’ - supplies much sensible and thoroughly amusing comment. - The best player in the world may gain from his - observations, and a mediocre player can scarcely find - a better counsellor. There is scarcely an opinion - expressed with which we do not coincide.”—_Sunday - Times._ - - “Lectures on the points most essential to the - acquisition of a complete knowledge of the game. The - lessons here given will well repay perusal.”—_Bell’s - Life._ - - “All true lovers of Whist will give a hearty welcome - to this work. It is a small book, but full of weighty - matter. We have not space to analyse the positive rules - laid down by ‘Pembridge’ for the guidance of those - who wish to qualify as Whist players. Suffice it to - say that they are all sound, and most of them worth - committing to memory.”—_Sportsman._ - - “It would be very easy to write at greater length than - we have done in praise of ‘Pembridge’s’ little book. - But we have said enough to indicate its nature and - scope; and we feel sure that any of our readers who may - meet with it will endorse our verdict that it is a real - addition to the literature of Whist.”—_Australasian._ - - - - -CONTENTS. - - - PAGE - LECTURE I.—INTRODUCTORY 1 - - LECTURE II.—THE LEAD 11 - - LECTURE III.—THE PLAY OF THE SECOND, THIRD, AND FOURTH HAND 26 - - LECTURE IV.—DISCARDING, AND ITS DIFFICULTIES 32 - - LECTURE V.—THE DISCARD FROM THE _STRONGEST_ SUIT - (Part I.; Part II.) 46 - - LECTURE VI.—THE ELEVEN RULE 55 - - LECTURE VII.—THE PETER AND ITS PECULIARITIES 59 - - LECTURE VIII.—FALSE CARDS, LOGIC, LUCK 69 - - LECTURE IX.—WHIST AS AN INVESTMENT 74 - - LECTURE X.—ON THINGS IN GENERAL 81 - - LECTURE XI.—THINKING 93 - - LECTURE XII.—TEMPER 99 - - LECTURE XIII.—DETERIORATION OF WHIST, ITS CAUSES AND CURE 105 - - BUMBLEPUPPY IN EXCELSIS 111 - - THE DOMESTIC RUBBER, DOUBLE DUMMY 113 - - EPILOGUE I. 115 - - EPILOGUE II. 117 - - - - -PREFACE. - - -—— - -THESE remarks are addressed to the young, in the hope that when they -arrive at man’s estate they will use their best endeavours to do away -with Law 91. - -To the present generation, already acquainted with “the Game,” I should -no more presume to offer advice than I should presume to teach my -lamented Grandmother to suck eggs, if she were still alive. - - “To instruct them, no art could ever reach, - No care improve them and no wisdom teach.” - PROVERBS, _chap. 27, v. 22._ - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -LECTURE I. - -—— - -INTRODUCTORY. - -—— - - “Vacuis committere venis - Nil nisi lene decet.”—_Eton Grammar._ - - “Those that do teach young babes - Do it with gentle means and easy tasks.”—_Shakespeare._ - - -AS, humanly speaking, you will probably play something for the next -fifty years, should you select either Whist or Bumblepuppy,[1] it will -be as well for your own comfort—the comfort of others is a minor -consideration[2]—to have some idea of their general principles; but -first you must decide which of these two games you intend to play, for -though they are often confounded together, and are both supposed to be -governed by the same ninety-one laws and a chapter on etiquette, they -differ much more distinctly than the chalk and cheese of the present -day. Professor Pole in his “Theory of Whist,” Appendix B, has made a -very skilful attempt (by modifying the maxims of Whist) to make the two -games into a kind of emulsion. I was rather taken with this, and having -been informed that the most incongruous materials will mix, if you only -shake them together long enough, I have given this plan a fair trial, -and failed. - -It may be that I had not sufficient patience and perseverance, but the -principal cause of failure I found to be this: the Bumblepuppist, like -Artemus Ward’s bear, “can be taught many interesting things but is -unreliable;” he only admires his own eccentricities, and if a person of -respectable antecedents gets up a little pyrotechnic display of false -cards for his own private delectation, the Bumblepuppist utterly misses -the point of the joke, he fails even to see that it is clever: if such -a comparison may be drawn without offence, he doesn’t consider that -what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. - -In the face of this difficulty, I should recommend you to treat them as -separate games: as you go down in one scale and up in the other they -closely approximate; that extremes meet is a law of nature, and between -the worst Whist and the best Bumblepuppy it is almost impossible to -draw the line. - -Other elementary forms, protozoa for instance, are often so much alike -that it is difficult to decide whether they are plants or animals; but -representative specimens of each game, beyond being found at the same -table, (in scientific slang, having the same habitat,) have scarcely -one point in common, you might just as reasonably mistake horse-radish -for beef. - -If you elect Whist (I shall refer to the laws later on) begin by -learning the leads, and the ordinary play of the second, third and -fourth hand, which you will find in any Whist Book;[3] this can be done -in a few days; then after cutting for partners (see note to Law 14) as -soon as the cards are dealt, _not before_ (see note to Law 45), - - (1) Take up your hand; - - (2) Count your cards (see notes to Laws 42 & 46); - - (3) Sort them into suits; - - (4) Look them over carefully; - - (5) Fix firmly in your memory not only the trump suit - but the trump card, then - - (6) Give your undivided attention to the table, _it is - there and not in your hand the game is played_; - - (7) _See every card played in the order it is - played_;[4] - - (8) When you deal, place the trump card apart from the - rest of the suit, that you may know at once which it - is. - -N.B.—Knowing is always better than the very best thinking, and -generally much more easy: by these simple means you get rid at once -and for ever of all such childish interruptions as “draw your card!” -“who led?” “what are trumps?” “show me the last trick!” and so _ad -infinitum_, which, by their constant repetition, not merely worry and -annoy the rest of the table, but tend to destroy any clue to the game -that you yourself might otherwise possess. - -It is a good plan to sit clear of the table, and then if you are -constrained to drop a few cards, they at any rate fall on the floor, -where they cannot be called. - -So far, I have assumed your object to be Whist; if your end and aim is -Bumblepuppy, you need do none of these things; you can learn the leads -and the recognised play—more or less imperfectly—in a few years by -practice, or you can leave them unlearned; - - “Build by whatever plan caprice decrees, - With what materials, on what ground you please.” - _Cowper._ - -ignorance imparts variety to the game, and variety is charming. You -can set all laws at defiance, and if any one objects—after much -wrangling—you can refer the matter in dispute to the Westminster -Papers,[5] and hang it up for a month certain: (this is a better plan -than writing to the _Field_, for there you only get a week’s respite). - -Should you be in any doubt whether Whist or the other game is your -vocation, the first half-dozen times you play make it a rule never to -look at the last trick— - - “Things that are past are done with.”—_Shakespeare._ - -and if at the end of that time you find the difficulty insuperable, -give up, as hopeless, all idea of becoming a Whist player. - - -_Notes on some of the Laws._ - - “Vir bonus est quis? - Qui consulta patrum, qui leges jaraque servat.”—_Eton Grammar._ - -I have mentioned that there are ninety-one laws. The wording of -the first is not strictly accurate; it ought to be “The rubber is -_generally_ the best of three games,” for though I myself have never -seen more than four, it may consist of any number, as the following -decisions show: - -DECISION A.—The rubber is over when one side has won two games and -remembers it has done so: this memory must be brought to bear before -the other side has won two games and remembers it has done so. - -DECISION B.—If a game is forgotten, it is no part of the losers’ duty -to remind the winners of the fact. - -LAW 5.—This law is clear enough; still the first time you revoke and -are found out, if your opponents hold honours and you have nothing -scored—however many you have made by cards—they will claim a treble: -you should be prepared for this. The claim is wrong, but in spite of -that—possibly because of it—“they all do it.” - -LAW 7.—DECISION.—You must call your honours audibly, but you are not -obliged to yell because your adversaries are quarrelling. - -LAW 14.—Always get hold of the cards before cutting, and place a high -card at one end of the pack and a low one at the other, then cut last -and take either card you prefer: by this means you select your partner, -this is an admirable coup and tends to the greatest happiness of the -greatest number (Note A, page 2) but it must be executed with judgment, -for if you are detected your happiness will not be increased, rather -the reverse. Some purists, anxious to be on the safe side, only keep an -eye on the bottom card, and take it when it suits them. - -LAW 34.—Until the last few years, after you had cut the cards into two -distinct packets, if the dealer thought fit to knock one of them over, -leave a card on the table, or drop half-a-dozen or so about, it was a -mis-deal on the ground that these proceedings were opposed to one or -other of the next two laws, 35 and 36, but the latest decision is that -the dealer can maltreat the pack in any way he likes and as often as he -likes, and compel you to keep on cutting _de die in diem_. - -OLD DECISION.—“You cannot make your adversary cut a second time; when -you left a card on the table it could not be said that there was a -confusion in the cutting, it is a mis-deal.” - -NEW DECISION.—“There is nothing in the laws to make this a mis-deal. -The play comes under the term ‘Confusion of the cards,’ and there must -be a fresh deal.” - -If you see a potent, grave, and reverend seignior carefully -lubricating his thumb with saliva, don’t imagine he is preparing it -for deglutition, he is only about to deal. Even if he should swallow -it, why interfere? he will not hurt you; it is not your thumb. Should -you suffer from acute hyperæsthesis you can follow the example of -an old friend of mine, who once rose from the table in his terror, -and returned armed with a large pair of black kid gloves which he -wore during the remainder of the _seance_: though the effect was -funereal—not to say ghastly—it was attended with the best results -in this case, but it is just as likely to lead to ill-feeling, and -therefore to be deprecated. Leave the matter to time! Apart from the -cards being glazed with lead, a single pack has been found to contain a -fifth of an ounce of arsenic, and there is no known antidote. Even if -not immediately fatal, the practice must be very deleterious. A whist -enthusiast with a greater turn for mathematics than I can lay claim -to, has counted from six to seven thousand bacteria on each square -centimetre of a playing card, and makes this ghastly deduction: “it is -really dreadful to reflect upon the colony of microbes which a person -who moistens his thumb before dealing may convey into his mouth, and -thence into his system.”—_Standard_, Nov. 2nd, 1893. “Everything comes -to the man who can wait,” and while you are waiting _always sit on the -dealer’s right_. - -LAW 37.—An incorrect or imperfect pack is a pack containing duplicates -or more or less than fifty-two cards, but it is neither incorrect nor -imperfect because you think fit to place any number of your own cards -in the other pack, or to supplement them with one from it. _Vide_ Laws -42, 46. - -LAW 42.—If you take _one_ card from the other pack, it is clear that -you subject yourself to a penalty; if you take more than one the matter -is not so clear; possibly you may gain by it; should you wish to have -the point settled, any time you have a bad hand add the other pack to -it; then complain that you have sixty-five cards, throw them up, claim -a new deal under Rule 37, and see what comes of it. - -LAW 45.—Taking up your cards during the deal has one advantage, that -if you can get your hand sorted and begin to play without waiting -for the dealer, you save time, and time is reported to be money. -To counter-balance this there are two attendant disadvantages, you -prevent the possibility of a mis-deal, and any card exposed by your -officiousness gives the dealer the option of a new deal. - -LAW 46.—Under this law it is manifest that—the other hands being -correct—your hand may consist of any number of cards from one to -thirteen, and if you once play to a trick—however many you may be -short—you will have to find them or be responsible for them. See Law 70. - -LAW 91.—If this law, which is the main cause of inattention and -innumerable improper intimations, were abolished, Whist would be -greatly improved; and I have never met with a good Whist player who was -not of the same opinion. - -The chapter on etiquette is good sense and good English, and is worthy -of much more attention than is usually given to it. - -In addition to their ambiguity and sins of commission, there is also a -sin of omission; there is no limit as to time, and it seems desirable -there should be; I would suggest—as allowing the hesitating player -reasonable latitude—one of those sand glasses, supposed to be useful -for boiling an egg; there is no sense in giving him time enough to -addle his egg. - -Though these laws appear more difficult of access than I had imagined, -they are not the laws of which the only copy was destroyed by Moses; -I have seen them myself in Clay, Cavendish, and the “Art of Practical -Whist,” and if you are unable to get any of these works from Mudie’s, -there are copies of each in the British Museum, Great Russell Street, -Bloomsbury. - -Before or immediately after breakfast is the best time to play; then, -if ever, the intellect is clear, the attention undistracted; in the -afternoon you are exhausted by the labours of the day, and your -evenings should be devoted to the morrow’s lessons or a quiet nap (not -the round game of that ilk). - -FOOTNOTES: - -[1] “That there are a large number of players who think they -play Whist, and yet do not reason, is too true, but such play -may be Bumblepuppy, or some other game; it certainly is not -Whist.”—_Westminster Papers._ - - -DEFINITIONS OF BUMBLEPUPPY. - -Bumblepuppy is persisting to play Whist, either in utter ignorance of -all its known principles, or in defiance of them, or both. - -Hudibras has given another definition— - - “A lib’ral art that costs no pains - Of study, industry, or brains.” - -“Bumblepuppy was played in low public houses.” - -“Here and there were Bumblepuppy grounds, a game in which the players -rolled iron balls into holes marked with numbers.”—_Chronicles of -Newgate._ - -From which I infer that in the good old times this game first drove its -votaries to drinking, and then landed them in a felon’s cell. - -[2] In all well regulated society, your aim should be the greatest -happiness of the greatest number, and that number is notoriously number -one. - -[3] “Do not attempt to practise until you have acquired a competent -knowledge of the theory.”—_Mathews_, A.D. 1800. - -[4] “The first Whist lesson should be to keep your eye on the table and -not on your own cards.” - -“We cannot all have genius, but we can all have attention; -the absence of intelligence we cannot help, inattention is -unpardonable.”—_Westminster Papers._ - -[5] Since these words were written the “Westminster Papers” is no more. - - “Sit tibi terra levis!” - - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -LECTURE II. - -—— - -THE LEAD. - -—— - - “Dux nobis opus est.”—_Eton Grammar._ - - “I pray thee now lead.”—_Shakespeare._ - - -THE play of the entire hand often depends upon the very first card led, -and the confidence your partner has that your lead is correct; whatever -then your original lead may be, let it be a true and—as far as you can -make it so—a simple lead: never lead an equivocal card—that is one -which may denote either strength or weakness—if you can, lead a card -about which no mistake is possible.[6] With the original lead, follow -the books and lead your strongest suit; if you have nothing at all, do -as little mischief as you can; in this pitiable condition the head of a -short suit—as a knave or a ten—is better than the lowest or lowest but -one of five to the nine; your partner, when he sees the high card led, -knows at once (assuming he knows anything) that he will have to save -the game himself if it can be saved, and will take the necessary steps -to that end. Though there is ancient and modern authority for this,[7] -I am perfectly aware that (according to the latest theory) it is -heresy; I am also aware, and the reflection gives me quite as much pain -as the heresy does, that leading a long weak suit _with a bad hand_ and -no cards of re-entry is a losing game: - - “Such courses are in vain - Unless we can get in again.” - -to lead your longest suit when you are neither likely to get the lead -again, nor to make a trick in it if you do, is a “short and easily -remembered rule,” but is apt to bring its followers to grief; if I -do so, I know perfectly well that after the game is over I shall -probably be left with the two long cards of that suit, or I may have -an opportunity of discarding one or both of them before that crisis -arrives, but this is not the slightest consolation to me. - -While on the subject of heresy, I may as well refer to another lead -which has a special orthodoxy of its own. In all suits of four or more, -containing no sequence, unless headed by the ace, you either lead the -lowest, or, if you wish particularly to exhibit your knowledge of the -game, the lowest but one; but from king, knave, ten, &c., you lead the -ten, and if your object is a quiet life, you will continue to do so; -if you want to make tricks the advantage of the lead is not so clear: -if the second player holds ace, queen, &c., or queen and another, you -drive him into playing the queen, and so lose a trick, which if you had -led your lowest in the usual way, you might not have done.[8] - -Against this you have the set off that by leading the ten you insure -having the king-card of the suit in the third round, but it is scarcely -worth your while to go through so much to get so little; for such a -lead pre-supposes your partner to have neither ace, queen, nor nine, -and it is two to one that he holds one of them; if your partner’s best -card is below the nine, the tricks you will make will be like angels’ -visits, few and far between, whatever you lead; and why you should -take such a desponding view of an unplayed suit I am not aware. The -advantage of opening a suit in which you hold tenace is not so great -as to oblige you to handicap it by sending the town-crier round with a -bell to proclaim what that tenace is; _late in the hand_ it is often -advisable to lead the knave. - -With ace and four small cards and a bad hand, when weak in trumps, I -have found, from long experience, the ace to be a losing lead, and -being distinctly of the impression that for the ordinary purposes of -life, 13/4 = 2, as I am not always anxious to proclaim the exact number -of my suit, I generally lead a small one. - -I am aware that the suit does not always go twice, or even once; but -that is the fault of the cards, not of the equation. - -Of course, if, for any wise purpose, you feel you must have one trick, -take it at the first opportunity, irrespective of Cocker or any other -authority. - -N.B.—When you, second, third, or fourth player have won the first -trick, whatever you may think, you are _not_ the original leader, and -your lead then should be guided by your own hand; if it is a bad one -you are under no compulsion to open a suit at all, one suit is already -open, go on with that; if it also is a bad one, one bad suit is a less -evil than two bad suits, or opening a doubtful one in the dark; return -through strength up to declared weakness, or if it was your partner -who led, why should you show a suit unless you hold a good sequence or -strong trumps? Return his suit, yours will be led sometime; whatever -you won the trick with, he is in a better position to defend himself as -third player than if he had to lead it again himself. - -In returning your partner’s lead, if you had originally three, you -return the higher of the two remaining cards; in returning through your -adversary’s lead, if you hold the third best and another, play the -small one, for your partner may hold the second best single and they -would fall together. - -Whenever you hold a suit with one honour in it, to lead that suit, if -you can avoid it, is about the worst use you can make of it. Should you -fail to see this, devote ten minutes—not when you are playing whist, -but on some wet half-holiday or quiet Sunday afternoon—to thinking the -matter over; even if you have a suit of king, queen to three, why not -be quiet? If anybody else opens the suit you will probably make two -tricks, if you open it yourself, probably one; there is no hurry about -it, you can always do that, but why you should go out of your way to -lead a suit in which you hold four to the knave or five to the ten is -incomprehensible. - -It is not generally known (or if it is, it is never acted on, which -comes to the same thing) that neither in the ninety-one laws of whist, -nor in any of its numerous maxims, are you forbidden to play the third -round of a suit, even though the best card is notoriously held by -your opponent. It is a common delusion to fancy that when a suit is -declared against you, you can prevent it making by leading something -else, whereas you merely postpone the evil day, and do mischief in the -interval. Many feeble whist-players are unwilling ever to let their -opponents make a single trick; now this is unnecessarily greedy; under -no circumstances, at short whist, is it imperative to make more than -eleven. Allow your adversary to have two, it amuses him and does not -hurt you. - - “It is less mischievous, generally, to lead a certain - losing card, than to open a fresh suit in which you are - very weak.”—_What to Lead_, by Cam. - -With trumps declared against you be particularly careful how you open -new suits; surely when you have just succeeded in knocking your partner -on the head in one suit, you might give him till the next hand to -recover himself, instead of trying to assault him again the very next -time you get the lead.[9] - -Changing suits is one of the most constant annoyances you will have -to contend against; queer temper, grumbling, logic, and so on, if -sometimes a nuisance, are sometimes altogether absent, but the -determination to open new suits for no apparent reason—unless a feeble -desire on the part of the leader to see how far the proceeding will -injure his partner can be called a reason—is chronic. - -Never[10] lead a singleton unless you are strong enough in trumps to -defeat any attempt either of your adversaries or your partner to get -them out, in which case it might be as well to lead them yourself; -whether you lead a sneaker or wait for others to play the suit, the -chance of ruffing is much the same, and the certainty of making a false -lead, and the nearly equal certainty of deceiving your partner are -avoided. - -When a singleton comes off it may be nice, it is certainly naughty; -when on the other hand you have killed your partner’s king, and he has -afterwards got the lead, drawn the trumps, and returned your suit, -should the adversaries make four or five suits in it, you must not be -surprised if he gives vent to a few cursory remarks. To succeed with a -singleton, (1) your partner must win the first trick in the suit, (2) -he must return it at once, (3) on your next opening another unknown -suit, he must again win the trick, and the odds against these combined -events coming off are something considerable. Per contra, he will -probably be beaten on the very first round, and even if he is not, it -is extremely likely that he will either lead trumps—unless he is aware -of your idiosyncracy, when he will never know what to do—for what he -naturally imagines is your strong suit, or open his own; at the same -time, just as there are fagots and fagots, so there are singletons -and singletons, and a queen or knave is by no means such a villainous -card as anything below a seven. “The very worst singleton is the -king.”—_Cam._ - -With five trumps and no cards, lead a trump: you have made a true lead, -you have led not merely your strongest suit, but a very strong suit, -and if your partner has nothing, you will lose the game whatever you -play, but you will lose it on that account, and not because you led a -trump; if you open any of the plain suits you will make a false lead, -and it is two to one that the adversaries hold any of them against your -partner. You will often be told by the very people who will tell you -to lead from five small cards in a plain suit, that to lead a trump -from five is too dangerous, but if you inquire in what way it is too -dangerous, and receive any satisfactory reply, you will succeed in -doing what I have never done. - -With five trumps and other cards, _a fortiori_ lead a trump. - -Towards the end of the game, you will find it laid down by some -authorities that if you hold nothing and have an original lead, you -should lead your best trump; now if that trump is of sufficient size to -warn your partner that it is your best, this lead may not, under the -circumstances, be much more injurious than any other; but an original -trump lead is usually supposed to indicate great strength either in -trumps, or in plain suits, and if your partner infers from the size -of your trump that your lead is from strength, and acting on that -inference returns it, it is about the most murderous lead that can -be made; having been two or three times the victim of such a lead is -almost as good a reason for not returning trumps as sudden illness or -not having one. - -If he holds seven tricks in his own hand he can make them at any time, -and any attempt of yours, however able, to deceive him at the outset -will (to say the least of it) not assist him in doing so. - -Why add an additional element of confusion to the game? Why should -your partner have to say to himself as well as “Strong cards or strong -trumps?” “Perhaps nothing at all.” He is compelled to wait about to see -what is the meaning of this lead, time is lost, and an opportunity let -slip which may never recur. The Bumblepuppist will here observe that -time was made for slaves; but the apophthegms on this subject are more -numerous and contradictory than he is aware of. - -As a general principle, with the original lead and a very bad hand, it -is advisable to efface yourself as much as possible. In such a case, I -always have a strong desire to get under the table—I don’t know that it -is contrary to either the laws or the etiquette of whist to do so—and I -firmly believe it is a better course than leading the trey of trumps; -at any rate it is not for the weak hand to dictate how the game should -be played; and to step boldly to the front and lead a small trump -from two, without a trick behind it, is in my opinion the height of -impertinence. - -At certain states of the score it may be imperative, in order to save -the game, that you should place all the remaining cards, but that is -another matter altogether, and if you want to go into it, read Clay -on the subject (page 85), though he nowhere suggests that you should -commence operations by placing thirty-eight unknown cards. - -If your partner has led you a trump, and you—holding ace, queen, to -four or more—have made the queen, return the ace; if you are playing -Bumblepuppy return a small one, your partner thinking the ace is -against him, is almost certain to finesse and lose a trick—then call -him names. The reason assigned by the perpetrator of this return is -that as he originally held four he is _compelled_ to play the lowest, -and it curiously exemplifies his inability to apply even the little -knowledge he is possessed of. - -With ace, king only, it is customary to lead first the ace and then -the king; there is no authority for such a lead,[11] and nothing to be -gained by it, except that by leading in this way you probably prevent -your partner from signalling in the suit, but if you like to burden -yourself with a useless anomaly, you can make a note of it. We started -with the hypothesis, that, in the ordinary course of nature, you have -fifty years before you, and if you wish to embitter and shorten those -years, you will invariably lead the lowest but one of five—it may be, -and I am informed is, useful among a few assorted players, “chock-full -of science,” but it is caviare to the general[12] and (unlike -Wordsworth’s Creature)— - - “Too bright and good - For human nature’s daily food.”[13] - - -For my part I only think it expedient to show five when, with -reasonable strength on the part of my partner, I have a fair prospect -of bringing in the suit.[14] - -It is often better to keep the knowledge of mere length of suit -religiously to yourself. Length and strength are not always the same -thing; why are giants generally so weak about the knees? Length is -often only one element of strength and a very poor one at that, -though it may be of use indirectly. With four or five low cards and -an observant opponent, it is occasionally a good plan to bottle up -the smallest. I have known this missing link so to prey upon that -opponent’s mind as to cause him to forget matters of much greater -importance. - -In bumblepuppy all this is entirely different, you can lead anything -you like, in any way you like; here the safest lead is a long weak -suit, the longer and weaker it is, the less is your partner able to do -you a mischief. _With a weak partner_, strengthening cards are either -futile or dangerous: as he will in all probability at once disembowel -himself, the result of leading them is on all fours with the Japanese -Hari Kari; whereas if you lead him a small card he will finesse into -his boots. - -You should also be very particular to lead the lowest but one of -five,[15] it creates confusion, and under cover of that confusion you -may make a trick or two. From this point of view you will often find -the lead of the middle card of your suit extremely effective. - -As to play false cards for the purpose of deceiving your partner is -considered clever, a very little practice will enable you to play them -with facility. With all deference to Bret Harte, for ways that are -dark, the Heathen Chinee is _not_ particular, and for tricks that are -vain, the Caucasian can give him points. - - “For when he’d got himself a name - For fraud and tricks, he spoil’d his game; - And when he chanced to escape, mistook, - For art and subtlety, his luck.” - -The ability to play false cards is not a proof of intelligence. -(“Cunning is often associated with a low type of intellect.”—_Report of -Inspector-General of Military Prisons._)[16] - -If you read your Natural History, you will find it is the weaker -animals which betake themselves to anomalous modes of defence; though -the cuttle-fish and the skunk may be much looked up to in their -respective domestic circles, they are quite out of place at the -whist-table. - -It is also usual with ace to five or more trumps to lead the ace, and -if you see—by killing your partner’s king, or by his failing to play -one—that he has no more, to try something else, for you can change the -suit as often as you please. It is a fine mental exercise for your -partner to recollect the remaining cards of four unfinished suits, all -going simultaneously. - -I often think, when I see this game in full blast, that whist-players -are not sufficiently grateful to Charles the Sixth, or whatever other -lunatic invented playing cards, for having limited himself to four -suits; he might have devised six—but the idea is too horrible. “In the -time of Charles the Sixth there were five suits.”—_Field._ This not -only proves my ignorance but my position, for if five suits have been -tried and found too much for human endurance, then six would manifestly -have been quite too awful! Q.E.D. - -[Illustration] - -FOOTNOTES: - -[6] “It is highly necessary to be correct in leads.” “Never lead a card -without a reason, though a wrong one.” “Be particularly cautious not to -deceive your partner in his or your own leads.”—_Mathews._ - -[7] “According to the play that we see, with great weakness the rule -is rather to lead strengthening cards. For our own part we should -be inclined to say, “Lead from your long suit only when you are -sufficiently strong to bring in that suit with the aid of reasonable -strength on the part of your partner.”—_Westminster Papers._ - -“When you have a moderate hand yourself sacrifice it to your -partner.”—_Mathews._ - -“With a bad hand lead that suit which is least likely to injure your -partner. Do not, therefore, lead from four or five small cards.”—_Major -A._ - -“A lead from a queen or knave and one small card is not objectionable -if you have a miserably weak hand; your queen or knave may be valuable -to your partner.”—_Clay._ - -“The rule of always leading from the longest, as distinct from the -strongest suit, is a rule which, more frequently than any other, -sacrifices a partner’s cards without any benefit to the leader, and is -in direct opposition to the true principles of combination.”—_Mogul._ - -Even Cavendish, unless “generally” is synonymous with “always,” admits -the expediency of occasionally leading a short suit; “the hand, however -weak, must hold one suit of four cards, and this should _generally_ be -chosen.” - -[8] “The lead is quite exceptional, and many good judges have doubted -whether a small one should not be led.”—_The Field._ - -[9] As intelligent children you will, perhaps, be tempted to observe -that all this is so self-evident it is scarcely worth mentioning: at -your immature time of life such a mistake is pardonable, but as you -grow older you will find that a determination to open ragged suits -in season and out of season—especially out—is one of the strongest -impulses of our imperfect nature. - -[10] As defined by Captain Corcoran, R.N. In all treatises on Whist -“never” is invariably used in this sense. Perhaps in presence of the -New Whist which is now raging violently in America, it would be more -correct here to substitute “was” for “is.” - -[11] Peccavi! the lead is given in _What to Lead_, by Cam. - -[12] Never give “the general” an opportunity for thinking if you can -avoid it; this is a rule of _universal application_. “How oft the sight -of means to do ill deeds makes ill deeds done!” - -[13] It was introduced as “a proposed extension of principle,” but you -had better stick to the old adage, “first catch your principle,” and -leave the extension of it to some future time. Theoretical advantages -of this lead, and also the echo of the signal, you will find fully set -forth in “Cavendish.” In a letter to the _Field_, September 27th, 1879, -he appears to advocate varying its monotony by occasionally leading the -lowest but _two_. Cam, the original patentee of this invention, and -one of the finest players of his day, directs you to lead the lowest -but one only when you hold no honour in the suit. By this plan you can -not only count your partner’s hand—the apparent end of most modern -Whist—but after you have made the queen and lost your king on the -return, you have the additional gratification of knowing to a certainty -that he does not even hold the knave. - -With regard to the echo, I have no head for intricate mathematical -calculations, and therefore am unable to tell you at about what trick -everything would be ready, but speaking roughly, I should be afraid -that for all practical purposes the hand would occasionally be over -before the signaller and the echoer had completed their operations. In -the “Art of Practical Whist” you are recommended to lead the lowest -but two of six. (The advice of _Punch_ to those about to marry is -applicable here.) - -Mr. F. H. Lewis, in the _Field_, January, 1880, has propounded a -scheme for sub-dividing the echo into categories, and it has recently -been pointed out to me that by leading trumps in some irregular -way—understood, I presume, by the inventor of the process—you can -explain to your partner that you originally held four. “Is there -anything whereof it may be said, see, this is new? it hath been already -of old time, which was before us.” When all these improvements are in -use, this is clear, the elect will return to that fine old practice -known as “piping at whisk”; the rest of us to primæval chaos. - -[14] “These refinements of artifice are utterly opposed to the essence -of scientific Whist.”—_Westminster Papers._ - -[15] “What with the if’s and the mystification that would occur -from playing the cards in this erratic manner, we should do more -to injure than improve the play _in the present state of Whist -science_.”—_Westminster Papers._ [The italics are mine.] - -[16] “It puzzleth and perplexeth the conceits of many that perhaps -would otherwise co-operate with him, and makes a man walk almost alone -to his own ends.”—_Bacon._ - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -LECTURE III. - -—— - -THE PLAY OF THE SECOND, THIRD, AND FOURTH HAND. - -—— - - “The play is the thing.”—_Shakespeare._ - - -SECOND hand with king and another, or queen and another, never play the -honour either in trumps or plain suits, unless you particularly want -the lead, and then you will probably not get it, and throw away a trick. - -By not playing the honour, - - (1) The chance of trick-making in the suit is greater - (this has been proved to demonstration by Mogul).[17] - - (2) The possible weakness of the third hand is - exposed—a very important point. - - (3) Your own weakness is concealed from the leader, and - he is able to finesse against your partner; these - three reasons ought to be tolerably conclusive, but - if a high card is led, head it! - -If, holding knave, ten, and another, you are afraid of trumps being -led, and your partner is devoid of common sense, don’t play the ten, -or it will be taken for a signal (that it neither is one, nor at all -like one, does not affect the petrolater in the least); it is almost -equally dangerous with queen, knave, and another to play the knave. A -high card second hand has exactly the same effect on many players as a -red rag has on a bull; and if you have an objection to being gored, you -should keep it out of their sight as long as possible—subject to this -important qualification—“Put an honour on an honour, with only three of -a suit; with four or more you should not do it.”—_Mathews._ - -Except to save or win the game, whether you are weak in trumps, or -strong, don’t ruff a doubtful card unless you have a distinct idea what -to do next; if you are only going to open a weak suit, let it go. - -Don’t ruff a suit of which your partner clearly holds the best, in -order to announce, _urbi et orbi_, that you are weak in trumps; depend -upon it _urbis_ and _orbis_ will take advantage of this, not to mention -that you take the lead out of your partner’s hand at a critical -moment, and prevent him from developing any game that he may have. - - “Why for the momentary trick be perdurably fined?” - _Shakespeare._ - -In bumblepuppy, with ace, king, and others, or king, queen, and -others, the trick is often passed, and with knave led, if the second -player holds ace, queen, etc., he usually plays the queen;[18] -holding the same cards, if instead of the knave a small card is -led, he occasionally produces the ace. These proceedings may be the -eccentricities of genius; if they are not, the only other explanation I -can suggest for them, is a desire to lose a trick. - -Third hand.—Don’t finesse against your partner, unless you have reason -to believe you are stronger in his own suit than he is, or that he has -led from weakness. - -Don’t finesse against yourself. If you have led from ace, knave, etc., -and your partner has made the queen, the king is certainly not on your -right. If, on the other hand, you have led from king, and your partner -again has made the queen, it can be of no use to put on the king, the -ace must be over you. Though Clay described the finesse obligatory -before you were thought of, I am afraid that after you are forgotten, -these two simple cases will continue to be reversed—that people will -finesse against, and not for, themselves. In bumblepuppy this is _de -rigueur_; also at this game, with king, queen, and another in your -partner’s lead, it is customary to play the king, and, if it wins, to -open a new suit. - -Ruff a winning card of the adversaries! What possible benefit can you -derive from allowing your opponent to discard, and by that discard show -his partner the suit he wishes led? If you are too stingy to use a high -trump, surely you might play a little one just to keep the trick going. -“It is much better to play a small trump with the certainty it will be -overtrumped than to let the trick go.”—_Westminster Papers._ - -When your partner has opened a suit with the ace, and on the third -round eleven are out, he holds the other two, and whenever he leads one -of them—whether it is the queen or the four—it is a winning card; but -if you fail to grasp this, and feel disposed to play the thirteenth -trump on it, don’t waste time either in invoking the immortal gods, -inspecting the last trick, or looking præternaturally intelligent—trump -it at once, and put him out of his misery. The idea is not new, for it -occurred to Macbeth when about to perpetrate the very same coup: - - “If ’twere done when ’tis done, then ’twere well - It were done quickly.” - -My only claim is to have expressed myself without such an involved use -of auxiliary verbs. - -If you have more than two of the suit, don’t play the ace on your -partner’s knave; it may be a short suit, or the head of a sequence, -and you throw away the power of passing the ten second round, even if -it is from king, queen, knave to five, there is nothing to be gained -by covering; with ace and another win the trick and return it at once, -unless you lead trumps. - -Though frequently done, it is not good whist to decline to win a trick, -either on the ground that you want a guard for your king of trumps, or -because you hold six. In the other game both these proceedings would be -correct. - -Fourth hand.—Win the trick, and endeavour, if possible, to do so -without playing a false card. Like all things that are difficult at -first, you will find it become comparatively easy by practice. You -might suppose that the exponent of bumblepuppy—who always considers a -trick of his own making worth at least two made by his partner—would -get into no difficulty here; but he does. He has a firmly-rooted -belief that his strong suits are under the protection of a special -Providence which will never allow them to be ruffed, and uttering his -wretched shibboleth, “Part with my ace, sir? never!” he contrives to -lose any number of tricks by keeping up his winning cards to the last -possible moment and a shade longer. I imagine he is under the erroneous -impression that this in some way compensates for cutting in with a -small trump when he is not wanted. - -“It is a good plan when you have the thirteenth trump to pass winning -cards. The reason of this is not apparent, but in practice I know -several players who do so, and in the multitude of counsellors there is -wisdom.”—_Westminster Papers._ - -[Illustration] - -FOOTNOTES: - -[17] I have worked it out myself in more than four thousand cases by -rule of thumb (_Field_, October 1882), and obtained the same result; if -in the teeth of this, _early in the hand_, a decent Whist-player plays -the king second on a small card led, it is an unnecessarily high card; -and as unnecessarily high cards are not played without an object, that -object is presumably a call for trumps. - -[18] “With ace, queen, etc., of a suit of which your right hand -adversary leads the knave, put on the ace invariably. No good player, -with king, knave, ten, will begin with the knave: of course, it is -finessing against yourself to put on the queen, and, as the king is -certainly behind you, you give away at least the lead, without any -possible advantage.”—_Mathews._ This advice as a rule is sound, but you -must bear in mind that towards the end of a hand the knave is often led -from king, knave, ten, or king, knave alone, and if you, holding ace, -queen, are obliged to make two tricks in the suit, in order to win, or -save the game, you will have to play the queen. If the king is held by -your left-hand adversary, you will lose the game whatever you play. -When you play the queen under these circumstances, and it comes off, -don’t imagine that you are inspired, or præternaturally intelligent; -you are only playing to the score; and you will find that most -instances of irregular play, which at first sight suggest inspiration, -resolve themselves into this. - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -LECTURE IV. - -—— - -DISCARDING, AND ITS DIFFICULTIES. - -—— - - “This the vain purpose of his life to try, - Still to explore what still eludes his eye.” - - -DISCARDS are of two distinct kinds:— - - (1) Ordinary. - (2) Forced. - -(1) When your partner; (2) When your adversary shows strength. - -In the first case, you naturally point out to your partner which is -your strong suit by discarding from your weak suits, your object -being to win the game, and there is an end of that matter.[19] In the -second case it is just the reverse. You have to save the game, and you -discard from your _best guarded suit_, by no means necessarily your -strongest, with a view, as far as you can, of blocking every suit, and -so preventing the adversary from establishing his long cards. - -These two kinds of discards are, or ought to be, of importance to three -very different classes of players:— - -(1) The Scientific. - -(2) The Commonly Decent. - -(3) The Exponents of Bumblepuppy. - -(1) The Scientific.—Here, with trumps declared against you, you -discard, as already said, from your best guarded suit. Your partner -knows this is probable, but he does not know how strong you are in -that suit; he also knows it may very possibly be a suit in which you -hold three small cards, and a second discard of it only gives him the -further information that you had either three or five—_he must infer -which from his own hand_—he assumes you did not originally hold two, -for you would not have left yourself entirely bare of the suit. It is -not everybody who is in the proud position which I once occupied, when -a trump being led by the adversary, I found myself with no trump, the -best nine cards of one suit, and two other aces. - -Among good players, then, the forced discard amounts to this: that -though you are aware your partner is discarding with the best possible -motives, and he is aware that you are doing the same, neither can -depend upon the other’s discard as showing anything for certain. With -trumps declared against you, you must place unknown cards to the best -of your ability, and in such an unpleasant conjuncture, if you are -exceptionally fortunate, you may sometimes save the game, and the -skill displayed in doing so may be a joy for ever:— - - “Forsan et hæc olim meminisse juvabit.” - -Observe the discretion of the poet in his choice of the word “_forsan_.” - -But when, on the other hand, you look at the improbability of this -coming off, when you reflect that your partner has occasionally given -you two discards, and that you, in the exercise of that right of -private judgment inherent in every Protestant, led one of those very -suits, and by so doing lost the game; when you recall what then took -place, the _epea pteroenta_, the mutual—but the subject is too painful; -let us leave it, and pass on to Class 2.[20] This class has two -divisions, they both see your discards, but—without any reference to -their own hands or anything that has been played—one division assumes -your discard is invariably from weakness, and at once knocks on the -head the very suit you have sedulously been attempting to guard; the -other has got hold of the pernicious axiom that the original discard is -necessarily your _strongest_ suit, and always leads that. - -Here we have again a pretty considerable element of confusion. - -Class 3.—These, with an unerring instinct that might almost be mistaken -for genius,[21] will put you in a hole, whatever you do. The safest -plan is, under all circumstances, to discard from your weakest suit; -you cannot be cut to pieces there, and, whatever happens, you have the -letter of the law on your side. When you have not followed suit to the -second round of the opponent’s trumps, when, as a rule, your discard -(being forced) is not to be depended on and is of no importance to -them, this is the only time they ever see it; for having no winning -cards in their own hands to attract their attention, they are able -to devote a little more time to seeing the cards on the table. The -number of times they will have that wretched trick turned, and their -anxiety to be quite sure of the suit, are painful to the sensitive mind -(especially if that sensitive mind is sitting opposite to them and -happens to belong to yourself). Well might Sophocles observe, “Many -things are dreadful, but nothing is more dreadful than man.” - -That the first discard is from the weakest suit is one of those -half-dozen cast-iron rules—three of them wrong, and the remainder -invariably misapplied—which make up their stock-in-trade;[22] but -if they hold ace, king, queen to five trumps—say clubs—you see them -come well up to the table with an air of triumph, and begin to lead. -Again you don’t follow suit; what do they care? they drive gaily on, -but, as they finish the third round, the idea just begins to dawn upon -them—perhaps you have discarded something.[23] A careful inspection of -the last trick affords them the pleasing intelligence that somebody has -discarded a diamond and somebody else a spade; the light fades from -their eye, their jaw drops, and they are such a picture of hopeless -misery, that if they were not in the habit of informing you—scores of -times a day—that they play whist only for amusement, you might almost -doubt the fact.[24] - -After prolonged contemplation of the chandelier and a farewell look at -the spade and diamond, they eventually produce a heart—your original -discard!—have their remaining trumps drawn, and lose the game. - -Ordinary discards are simple in the extreme, and might be very useful; -unfortunately (as the general public will persist in confining its -attention to its own hand, as long as there is anything in it), the -only discard usually seen is the last, and this detracts from their -utility. Forced discards are always difficult (not to the discarder, -but to his partner), and to a duffer, unintelligible, for this reason, -they require common-sense—far be it from me to teach it—it is like -poetry, “_nascitur non fit_,” and these remarks have not been made with -any such intention, but to endeavour to accentuate that Cavendish in -his treatise on Whist, and a letter which I append, has said everything -on the subject likely to be of use. - - -_The Principles of Discarding._ - -“The old system of discarding, though unscientific, had at least the -merit of extreme simplicity. It was just this: when not able to follow -suit, let your first discard be from your weakest suit. Your partner -in his subsequent leads is thus directed to your strong suit, and will -refrain from leading the suit in which, by your original discard, you -have told him you are weak.[25] - -Several years ago some whist enthusiasts, amongst whom were Mogul and -myself, played a number of experimental rubbers, the cards of each hand -being recorded as they were played, and the play being fully discussed -afterwards. - -In the course of the discussion it was observed first, I think, by -Mogul, that in several hands the discard from a weak suit, when the -adversaries evidently had in their hands the command of trumps, had -resulted very disastrously.[26] This caused us to consider whether the -weak suit should not be protected under these circumstances, and we -finally came to the conclusion that discards should be divided into two -classes, viz., ordinary discards and forced discards. These I proceed -to distinguish. - -The reason a weak suit is chosen for the discard is, that when a -strong suit is broken into, the number of long cards which might be -brought in, if the suit is ever established, are lessened, and so many -potential tricks are thus consequently lost. - -But little harm, certainly none of this kind of harm, is done by -throwing away from a weak suit, in other words, from a suit that can -never be brought in. But when the adversaries have declared great -strength in trumps, the chance of bringing in a suit is reduced to a -minimum. On the assumption that you can never bring it in, the small -cards of your long suit are valueless to you. That suit will protect -itself so far as its high cards are concerned, but the weak suits -require protection. - -Thus, by guarding honours, or by keeping four cards to a ten or nine, a -trick is often won, or the establishment of an adverse suit prevented. -It was this point, indeed, which first led us to condemn the -invariable discard of the weak suit; the remark was frequently made, “I -was obliged to deceive you then, partner, and to throw my long suit in -order to keep my king guarded in another suit.” This, of course, when -the game was in danger. - -Honours in weak suits may be freely unguarded by the players who have -strong trump hands, but the guards should be religiously preserved by -those who are weak. Our discussions resulted in our laying down the -following rules for our own guidance, viz., _when you see from the -fall of the cards that there is no probability of bringing in your -own or your partner’s long suit, discard originally from your best -protected suit_. This I may call the foundation of the modern system of -discarding; it has been adopted by all the best players with whom I am -acquainted. - -For the sake of having a short and easily remembered rule, however, -it is the fashion to say, “Discard originally from your strong suit -when the adversaries lead trumps.”[27] “No doubt you will be right in -your discard in most cases, but this aphorism does not truly express -the conditions.” (Query, then why use it?).... “The conclusion I -have arrived at is that the modern system of discarding requires so -much judgment in its application as to be rather a stumbling-block -than an assistance to the ordinary run of players,”—rough on the -neophyte!—“This is a pity, as there can be no doubt but that the -classing of discards into ordinary and forced is sound in principle, -and adds beauty to the game. I have been prompted to write this letter -in the hopes of seeing this classification more generally adopted, and -its limitations more distinctly observed and acted on.”—_Cavendish._ - -I have met with the same conclusion and the same regret in a metrical -form: it is short, and may be useful to any of you troubled with bad -memories: - - “If seven maids, with seven mops, - Swept it for half-a-year, - Do you suppose,” the walrus said, - “That they could get it clear?” - “_I doubt it_,” said the carpenter, - _And shed a bitter tear_. - - -_Resumption of Note C, page 36._ - -—— - -PLAYING FOR AMUSEMENT. - -If this principle were carried out to its logical result, and everybody -played for amusement in the ludicrous sense in which this word is -generally understood, it is manifest that—as no one would ever see -either a card led or played, or know what suit was trumps—it would be -useless continuing to ask each other for information on those abstruse -points; and unless, by some alteration in the laws of whist, an -intelligence department outside the table were provided to supplement -the precarious knowledge acquired by looking at the last trick, the -game would shortly collapse from its innate absurdity; unfortunately we -seldom arrive at this point; what usually takes place is this: - -Four people sit down nominally to play whist, when suddenly one of -them announces, to the consternation of his partner, that he is not -there with any such intention, but solely for his own amusement; he -altogether ignores the possibility of the others wishing to play whist -for their amusement, and lays down his stale proposition with such an -air of originality that he often deludes the unwary bystander into -the belief that he is somehow superhuman, and much superior to the -other three, who are consequently looked down upon as mean and sordid -individuals; this is not the case. If yelling when he is trodden upon, -and crying if he loses, are proofs of humanity, he is essentially human. - -Now, no one has the slightest objection to your amusing yourself as -long as you do not annoy anybody else. I go further than this, and -admit your abstract right to amuse yourself at your partner’s expense, -but I protest against your expecting him to rejoice with you in his own -discomfiture. - -Because eels are accustomed to being skinned, it does not at all follow -that they should like it—at any rate, whether they do so or not, it is -not expected of them. - -Again, the practice of vivisection may be both amusing and instructive -to the vivisector, while it may be neither the one nor the other -to his victim. Though I have no practical acquaintance with this -pursuit, I have often seen large portraits of the vivisectee pasted on -hoardings, and judging from the expression of his countenance, and the -uncomfortable position in which he is always depicted, I should imagine -that the entire proceedings were supremely distasteful to him. - -From the time when Cain was short-coated, and tipcats, pea-shooters, -catapults, and other instruments of torture appeared on the scene, -there have been peculiar ideas of amusement. Fortunately—with the -exception of your doting mammas—public opinion has been against you. -A gentleman found in the street with a tipcat embedded in his eye is -usually conducted to the nearest chemist, and the malefactor given -in charge. (The crafty Ulysses, before he performed a very similar -operation on Polyphemus, made every preparation to escape from the room -as soon as it was over, and took uncommonly good care not to originate -the now trite witticism, “there you go with your eye out,” till he -was well beyond his reach. He was far too intelligent a man to expect -the Cyclops to take it pleasantly.) But if this occurs at Whist, and -the victim even hints an objection, he is looked upon as a bear, and -sometimes the verdict is “served him right,” while at other times he -seems to be expected to “rub it in.” There I draw the line; annoy your -partner as much as you like, but don’t expect that! It is contrary to -nature; still, while fully and freely admitting your right of annoying, -and also your right to throw away your own property if you please, -you are not privileged to treat your partner’s in the same way. This -borders closely on theft, and before taking such a liberty, in order to -be on the safe side, I think you ought first to obtain his consent in -writing. It is all very well for Shakespeare to call his purse trash -(he knew the contents of it, and his description may have been most -accurate), but whether things are trash or not, if they don’t belong to -you, you must not make away with them (as the poet himself experienced -when he took to deer-stealing), and unless you wish, like him, to fall -into the clutches of the criminal law, you had better take Captain -Cuttle’s advice, and overhaul your catechism, with special reference to -your duty to your neighbour. You will find it a safer guide. - -I ought to apologise for the length of this note, but I have suffered -myself, and although I never killed an albatross, and am by nature most -inoffensive, - - “Since then at an uncertain hour - That agony returns, - And till my ghastly tale is told - The heart within me burns.” - -[Illustration] - -FOOTNOTES: - -[19] In ordinary discarding, your strong suit is your long suit: except -to deceive your partner, and get your king prematurely cut off, it can -be no use to discard from four or five small cards in one suit, in -order to keep king to three in another. - -[20] If there are a “few words” going about, and you are not concerned, -don’t put your oar in— - - “They who in quarrels interpose, - Must often wipe a bloody nose.” - - -[21] Genius has been defined to be “an unlimited capacity for taking -pains,” and the pains they will take to circumvent you are assuredly -unlimited, but their capacity for anything is so doubtful, that their -claim to genius on this score must be left in abeyance. - -[22] The excitement of the moment has led me into exaggeration here; -let me give the bumblepuppist his due, the exact number is ten, as you -will find later on. - -[23] “The strong hand is leading trumps, and he gets them all out, -and has the lead; nine times out of ten he will have forgotten his -partner’s first discard, and play on the assumption his last discard is -his first, and so certain is this to come about that, we believe, with -some players, it is best to endeavour to calculate how many discards we -shall get, and let the last discard be our weakest suit.”—_Westminster -Papers._ - -[24] If they were slightly to vary this statement, and say, “They -pitched thirteen cards about only for their own amusement,” the -position would be much more inexpugnable. - -Unless my memory deceives me, in “The Whist Player,” by Col. Blyth, -they are recommended to confine themselves to playing “Beggar my -Neighbour” with their grandmothers;—as most of those ladies must in the -ordinary course of nature have gone over to the majority, this would -be hard on them—but they might adopt a middle course, and play that -fascinating game with each other; they could pitch the cards about -equally well, and would have more cards to pitch. I shall resume this -topic at the close of this lecture. - -[25] Will he? - - “Hope springs eternal in the human breast.” - -And you can hope anything you like, if you don’t mind the subsequent -disappointment: First, he has to see it, and after you have got over -that difficulty, if he only holds two small cards in that suit, and has -a tenace in the other—according to my experience—he will lead his own. -With king singly guarded in your suit, instead of being delighted to -play it, wild horses are powerless to drag it from him. - -[26] Absorbed in their discoveries, they appear to have forgotten that, -“_Vixerunt fortes ante Agamemnona_.” - -“If weak in trumps, keep guard on your adversary’s suits. If strong, -throw away from them.”—_Mathews._ - -[27] That young and curly period when I was influenced by the fashions -has passed away. _Eheu fugaces_, etc. It may be easier to remember -“strong” than “best protected”; one epithet is certainly three -syllables shorter than the other, but it seems a pity, for the sake of -those three syllables, to use an expression which is utterly misleading. - -In “The Art of Practical Whist” also “strongest” is used without any -qualification whatever, and here you only save two syllables; although -the Commination Service is seldom read now—even if, like Royal Oak Day -and Herr Von Joel, it should cease altogether to be retained by the -Establishment—to make the blind man go out of his way would still be -inexpedient, unless you make him go out of your own way as well, for -you may cut him for a partner; if you have no respect for the blind, -surely you have some regard for your pocket-money. - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -LECTURE V. - -—— - -THE DISCARD FROM THE _STRONGEST_ SUIT. - -—— - - “Monstrum horrendum, informe, ingens, cui lumen - ademptum.”—_Eton Grammar._ - - -PART I. - -THE last lecture went thoroughly into the forced discard and, after -looking at it in every possible light, left it exactly at the point -where it was left by Mathews nearly a hundred years ago: “IF WEAK IN -TRUMPS, KEEP GUARD ON YOUR ADVERSARY’S SUITS. IF STRONG, THROW AWAY -FROM THEM AND DISCARD AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE FROM YOUR PARTNER’S STRONG -SUITS IN EITHER CASE.” - -Here I should gladly have let the matter rest—as the boy said when he -saw the wild cat. It is a thorny subject; but the New Man will not -permit it. - -“_The Decline and Fall of Whist_” contains a view of him and his game, -which is very widely entertained in this country, and though it may or -may not be a better game, it is not Whist in the English sense of the -word. - -Our subject being the Whist or Bumblepuppy of our native land, the -invariable lead of the longest suit, fourth-bests, eleven rule, -American leads, and all the subsequent proceedings have no more -interest for the British school-boy wishing to learn Whist than they -had for Abner Dean of Angels on a well-known occasion. - -To give the American Whist-players their due, I am bound to admit that, -in addition to their having devised a new set of leads, new play of -second and third hand, a new mode of scoring, and having done away with -the honours—greatly to their credit for common sense and intelligence; -their idea of our modern forced discard is: “It is a curious notion -that an original discard should always be from the strongest suit” (_A -Practical Guide to Whist, by Fisher Ames_), and also they have compiled -a new code of laws which is an enormous improvement upon the singular -jumble of laws, definitions, and arbitrary decisions under which we -impotently writhe. - - “On ashes, husks, and air we feed, - And spend our little all in vain.”—_Wesley._ - -Law 37 of their code runs as follows: “When a trick is turned and -quitted it must not be seen again until the hand has been played. A -violation of this law subjects the offending side to the same penalty -as a lead out of turn.” - -They may have been driven to abolish our Law 91 in order to make the -intricacies of their game humanly possible, still, “for this relief -much thanks.” - -Considering the cheapness of freight, and that there is no import -duty, why Law 37 has not been introduced into this country is one of -the greatest mysteries of the end of the nineteenth century. - -We are flooded with all the other American Whist innovations, and the -key of the position is conspicuous by its absence. - -“Why should English Whist-men retain an antiquated, ill-constructed and -ambiguous code, when they have in the code of the American Whist League -laws as free from such defects as human ingenuity can devise?”—_Whist._ -And echo answers, Why? - -But to return to our muttons. On one point it is incumbent to make -a stand. If the New Man had only been satisfied to concentrate his -mischievous attentions on his New Game, we might have agreed to differ -and gone our several ways in peace and harmony: _dis aliter visum_. -Unfortunately, “in his craze for uniformity,” he has tampered with the -forced discard, which is our common grazing ground, and has deluded -himself and the whole of Bumblepuppydom into a wild and erroneous -belief that the first discard—when unable to follow suit to an adverse -trump lead—is _always_ the suit he wants led. - - “In all the fabric - You shall not see one stone or a brick, - But all of wood.” - -Now, I have dealt myself innumerable hands—it is a favourite amusement -of mine when I have a little spare time—and taking the shortest and -weakest suit for trumps, have carefully calculated how often I could -discard a suit I wanted led; how often I should feel justified in -dictating to my partner to make me third player in it. It comes out -well under fifty per cent. - -Hands of this kind are constantly turning up. - -Diamonds (trumps)—9, 7. - -Hearts—Kg., Qn., 3. - -Spades—Qn., Kn., 9. - -Clubs—10, 8, 6, 3, 2. - -Here I must discard a club, but I don’t necessarily want it led. - -Diamonds (trumps)—Qn. and another. - -Hearts—Kn. and three small ones. - -Spades—Kn. and three small ones. - -Clubs—Three small ones. - -As I am not going to unguard either of these knaves, again I discard a -club, and again I don’t want to dictate to my partner to lead it, and -so _ad infinitum_. - -The simple faith that, whenever the adversary leads trumps, you are -bound to hold a strong suit, may be better than Norman blood. If it is, -it only tends to prove of how singularly little value that fluid may be. - -Therefore, in my own case, this is the way the rule works out: “When we -are in a very tight place, and trumps are declared against us, my first -discard _always_ shows clearly the suit I want led;” only, in more than -half the instances, it does nothing of the kind. - -This is a pretty sort of universal rule. Whatever view you may take of -it, it scarcely comes up to my idea of a sheet anchor. - - “_Lex non cogit ad impossibilia._” - - “Kind Fortune, come, my woes assuage, - Bend down and mark a modern moan, - And bear me through the golden age, - Through age of iron, bronze, and stone; - Back, back, before the men with tails, - A million years before the flood; - To where the search of science fails, - And leave me happy in the mud.” - -But if I prefer to wallow there, don’t let me thrust my opinions on -you—you may object to mud; your cards may be better than mine; judge -for yourselves! Deal a few hands, and if you find once in five times, -or once in ten times, that the rule won’t work, then you have this -formula for your guidance: “We always discard from the suit we want -led, _except when we have no such suit_,” and mind this, the first -time you fail, all the fat is in the fire; there is no retreat. When -once you cast judgment and common-sense to the four winds of heaven, -and submit yourselves body and soul to the rule of thumb—and such a -thumb!—you cannot play fast and loose with it; you must take it for -“all in all, or not at all.” Like a wife, which you may have some day, -you take it for better or worse, till death do you part; and this is -all worse; it is an utterly unworkable arrangement, - - “That, like a wen, looks big and swells, - Is senseless, and just nothing else.” - -If you are to have an _always_ in this most intricate and difficult -affair (_which I strongly deprecate_), and are unable to sit -comfortably at a whist-table without a crutch of some kind to lean -upon—and this in such a position seems uncalled for—you will find -discarding from your _longest_ suit a safer plan, though this is not -always available. Why cannot you leave good old _best-guarded_ alone? - -After all I have said, should you still persist in running your heads -against “strongest” and “the suit I want led,” these lines of Moore -undoubtedly “touch the spot”— - - “Behold your Light, your Star— - “Ye _would_ be dupes and victims, and ye _are_!” - - -PART II. - - “Post tenebras lux.”—_Pintsch._ - -THERE is one method of forced discarding which is often extremely -useful; it is simple to a degree and always practicable; it has been in -use for some years, and is approved of by all the good whist-players I -have ever come across. - -If you have a really strong suit to discard from—a suit that you _can_ -order your partner to lead you—_signal in it_, and throw away the -highest card you safely dare. - -This was first brought to my notice by Mr. Proctor, and—like Newton’s -apple, Columbus’s egg, and many other great discoveries—is almost -obtrusively obvious when it is once pointed out. - -It is no new invention, for it has been the well-known practice of -whist from primæval times. - -Possibly known in the cave of Neanderthal. - -Its inhabitants, when they had a really powerful suit, discarded an -unnecessarily high card. With a quint major, they discarded the ace; -with a quart to a king, they discarded the king, and so forth. - -Here is a declaration of absolute strength at the very moment it is -required; no uncertainty as to whether it is a protective discard, -or mere length; it is also flexible,[28] for you can use your own -judgment; give the information; conceal it for a time if you think fit, -or withhold it altogether. - -Minor details—such as that when only one discard is available, a -high card would in all probability indicate strength, while a low -one (though it might indicate length) would do nothing of the kind, -but rather the opposite; and its use under many circumstances, even -when your partner is leading trumps—if not at once obvious to your -own unassisted intelligence, are better left to the professional -development-mongers. - -Having a rooted antipathy to formulating an interminable series of -minute regulations for exceptional cases, a practice which has done -irreparable injury to whist, far be it from me to trench upon their -preserve. - -The convention I have shown to be venerable, and I believe it to be -perfectly legitimate. - -Here I begin to tread upon delicate ground, for though whist is -entirely made up of conventions, many different views are held as to -what a convention is (see note page 60), and when it is and is not -legitimate. - -Between the Albert Club and the Bloomsbury back parlour there is a -great gulf fixed— - - “_Virginibus puerisque canto_,” - -and it would be a life-long regret to me if I seduced them from the -paths of rectitude. - -Still, for practical purposes, I should imagine that a mode of -play which is known, or open to be known by all players, and which -contravenes neither the laws nor the etiquette of whist, fulfils all -the necessary conditions; at all events, it satisfies my moral sense. - -If, in addition, it is conducive to trick making,—as it undoubtedly -is—I hail it with effusion. - -With innumerable treatises; treatises on developments, on counting -number, on exceptional play; treatises philosophical and treatises -mathematical; with exercises in simple addition; with arrangements for -exorcising superfluous winning cards as elaborate as if winning cards -were enemies of the human race, and a direct emanation from the evil -one, the time has arrived, if possible, to import a little common-sense -into the game, and to make an effort to win an occasional trick. - -[Illustration] - -FOOTNOTES: - -[28] This is one of the numerous points where the new man and the man -of the stone age—now politely termed “fossil”—come into collision. “We -do not think that a _hard and fast rule_, (the italics are mine) such -as you propose, can be laid down.” Even if it were a hard and fast -rule—which it is pre-eminently not—his objecting to it on that ground -would be most inconsistent— - - “And yet he thinks what’s pious in - The one, in th’ other is a sin.” - - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -LECTURE VI. - -—— - -THE ELEVEN RULE (_by desire_). - -—— - - “Three wise men of Gotham - Went to sea in a bowl; - If the bowl had been stronger - My tale had been longer.” - - -THIS lecture, though quite irrelevant, is given to gratify the -curiosity of many youthful enquirers. - -The eleven rule (which only applies to American leads) is simply this: -that, if under favourable circumstances, you add certain integers -together and the result should be eleven, then you shall see what you -shall see. (It can scarcely be called a novelty, for it seems to have -been well known to Virgil, - - “Magnus ab integro sœclorum nascitur ordo.”) - -Bearing this cardinal fact firmly in mind, supposing a deuce is led—and -it is _ex rei necessitate_ a fourth best; this is the favourable -circumstance just referred to—then, if you hold nine higher cards of -the suit, you add nine to the pips on the deuce, and if you add it -correctly and it comes to eleven, you play the lowest of your superior -cards, and (with the proviso the suit is trumps) win the trick. - -Though it is scarcely an epoch-making discovery,[29] still it is -true, and that in these days of the new journalism is something to be -thankful for. - -There is one example of this rule in the “Field” which is to me a -source of perennial joy. - -The second player who holds the ace, the king, the queen, the knave, -and the eight of hearts, to his own enquiry which card he ought to play -on the six led, replies, “I say the eight!” - -Now, though certainly 6 + 5 = 11, and the rule—as I have already -admitted—is true, this play does not commend itself to my intelligence, -and I should advise you not to trouble your youthful brains about the -later rounds of a plain suit—when the leader, to your own certain -knowledge, has from four to eight, and you yourself follow holding -five, including a quart major. If you win the first four tricks in it, -you will do as much as you can reasonably expect, and will have done -enough for glory. - -_O sancta simplicitas!_ That eight, so innocently stepping to the -front, has done more to reconcile me to human nature than anything -that was ever done by Jonas Chuzzlewit. - -May it continue to retain its evergreen faith unspotted of the world! - - “May no ill dreams disturb its rest, - No deeds of darkness it molest,” - -and that it may never be rudely awakened to find a serpent in its Eden, -and the harmless looking six a singleton, is my fervent prayer. - -I have mentioned that this kind of thing is not whist as played in -this country, and it is by no means certain it will long be the whist -of any country; for I hear that in the American Whist Club of Boston, -“they have now quite chucked the American leads,” and one of the later -Cavendishes has propounded this singular view; “I have the craze for -giving information in such an acute form that I should like to be -allowed to show my whole hand to the whole table before the first lead, -on the condition that my cards are not to be called.” I presume all the -hands must be exposed, otherwise this is merely an offer to back his -partner against his two opponents at single dummy, and there is nothing -particularly sporting in that. - -If, then, this doctrine and position is a rule of faith and not merely -a pious opinion—and pious opinions have a nasty knack of becoming -extended into principles—the devotees of the new game will, it is to -be hoped, at once relegate its uninviting literature to the nearest -dust-bin, and all with one accord, in pairs (like the wooden animals in -your Noah’s ark), betake themselves to double-dummy; where, happily, -elaborate schedules of leads are not required; where extensions of -principle are unknown, and where “faith is lost in sight.” - -[Illustration] - -FOOTNOTES: - -[29] “About as remarkable as the rule that if you want to ascertain how -much you have spent out of a shilling, you must subtract the number of -pence left from twelve. - -“If the court cards and the ace of a suit are pipped according to their -values, the knave would be eleven, the queen twelve, the king thirteen, -and the ace fourteen; and everybody would see that the difference -between the pips on any card and fourteen would show the number of -cards in the suit of higher value than the card in question. - -“Thus, there are nine higher than the five, and seven higher than the -seven. - -“They would see, also, that if they could place three, and three -only, of those cards in any one player’s hand—as can be done when the -fourth best is led—the number of higher cards not in his hand would be -fourteen, less three, that is eleven less the pips.”—_Mogul._ - - “The mountain groaned in pangs of birth, - Great expectation filled the earth, - And lo, a mouse was born!” - - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -LECTURE VII. - -—— - -THE PETER AND ITS PECULIARITIES. - -—— - - “Petrus nimium admiratur se.”—_Eton Grammar._ - - “The base vulgar do call.”—_Shakespeare._ - - -SOME years ago a simple piece of mechanism, to which somehow or other -very undue importance has been attached, was introduced to the Whist -world; you play a higher card before a lower one—unnecessarily—to -indicate that you hold good trumps, and _want them out_.[30] - -You can want this for two reasons: - -(1) Because you have the seven best trumps. There is no objection to -your signalling here, though it is quite uncalled for; if you have the -game in your own hand, you can either lead the lowest but two of six, -stand on your head, or execute any other—what it is the odd fashion to -call—convention the authority of the day may think fit to invent, as -long as you do not come into collision with law 5.[31] - -(2) Because you have a good trump hand, and the fall of the cards shows -that unless you get them out, your winning cards or your partner’s -will be ruffed. Here is a good legitimate reason, but when everything -is going nicely, and your partner making the tricks, that you should -interfere with this merely because you have five trumps—or nine for the -matter of that—is the height of absurdity. It may be an interesting -fact for him to know, on the second round of a plain suit, that you -hold five trumps, just as there are numerous other interesting facts -which he may also ascertain at the same time, _e.g._, that you have -led a singleton, that you hold no honour in your own suit, and so on, -but none of them justifies him in ruining his own hand and devoting his -best trump to destruction. - -You ought to understand the signaller to say, “Get the lead at any cost -the first moment you can, play your highest trump, and you shall see -something remarkable.”[32] - -This is rather a large order, and when you find as the result of your -best attempts to execute it, that that promised something is not -uncommonly the loss of the rubber, though it will be a shock to you at -first, you will soon get accustomed to it. - -It is even a dangerous practice to signal when the adversaries will -most likely have the lead on its completion; they at once adapt their -play to the circumstances. I have seen innumerable games of whist not -won, and many a game lost, by absurd signalling; still Whist players -suffering from Peter on the brain constantly refuse to ruff a winning -card in order to disclose a signal in the discard. If they wanted -trumps led, it occurs to the ordinary mind that the simplest plan would -be to win the trick and lead them, and as they decline to do so, the -only conclusion is that they regard signalling for the mere sake of -signalling to be in itself so noble an end that, to attain it, it is -worth while to announce to their opponents that they had better save -the game at once, and at the same time to present them with at least -one trick towards it.[33] - - “O scenes surpassing fable, and yet true.” - - “By Heaven! he echoes.”—_Othello._ - -If you only want the odd trick, signalling is about the safest way to -miss it. Any two decent players would, in a vast majority of cases, -get on exactly as well if the Peter had never been invented, while -two bad players—assuming they can possibly miss the game with all the -trumps—generally do so by its assistance.[34] Where it would be useful -is when, with moderate strength in trumps, and the cards declared in -your favour, you want trumps led at all hazards. Unfortunately, if -at such a crisis as this, your partner is not equal to leading them -without a call, he is certain not to see it, although he is missing -all the other points of the game in what he calls looking for it. This -looking for a Peter is an oddly-named and peculiar form of amusement -appertaining not only to Bumblepuppy, but also to Whist. Among all -those people who have attended the University Boat Race during the -last half-century, I apprehend not one went to look for it, they went -to see it, and just as you would see that race, so you should see the -signal. Never look _for_ it! look _at_ it! It is just as obvious as any -other circumstance that occurs in the play; instead of this, after much -looking, it is generally overlooked altogether. - - Spectatum veniunt, veniunt spectentur ut ipsæ. - -They come to look, and end by making spectacles of themselves.[35] - -If you must look for it, at any rate don’t look for it in the last -trick; you would scarcely look for the Boat Race as you were going to -church the next day. Still, Cowper—though he clearly disapproves of the -signal and calls it senseless—seems, if he is to be annoyed with it, to -advocate this— - - “’Tis well if look’d for at so late a day - In the last scene of such a senseless play.” - -What the signal for trumps ought to be, and what strength in trumps -justifies a signal are clearly laid down by Clay. - -If you see a call and hold the ace and any number of trumps, play the -ace—there can be no danger of dropping your partner’s king—and if you -had originally more than three, continue with the lowest; but if you -are quite sure that leading trumps is the only way to miss or lose the -game, don’t lead them at all. Often as, in obedience to my partner’s -call, I slam in an ace and play my best trump, Elaine’s despairing cry -rises to my lips,— - - “Call and I follow, I follow, let me die.” - -This important fact is too much lost sight of: that the object of Whist -is not so much to lead the lowest but one of five, or to signal, as -to win the game; these and other fads may or may not be means to that -end, but the end itself they emphatically are not; in their inception, -at any rate, they were intended to be your instruments. Don’t let this -position be reversed; whether, like fire, they are always good servants -may be open to argument, but their resemblance in the other respect is -perfect. - -One aspect of signalling has been overlooked in all the treatises on -Whist. I have seen a player of great common-sense and acute observation -signal having three small trumps and a short suit, and by this means -induce his watchful opponents to force him to make them all. I do not -recommend such devious courses to you, even if they are lawful in a -Christian country (of which I have doubts); they are only practicable -when you are playing very good Whist, and this, as Clay says, can only -be the case when you thoroughly know your men. - -Hair-splitting about the legitimacy of the Peter is beyond the scope of -these remarks; what is lawful is not necessarily expedient: this the -Apostle Paul pointed out, long before either the foundations of New -Orleans were laid, or Columbus discovered America; but when Professor -Pole—who appears to have been acquainted with the present mode of -signalling for forty years (_Fortnightly Review_, April, 1879), and for -nine has advised _learners_ with five trumps _always_ to ask for them -(_Theory of Whist_, page 65)—begins at this eleventh hour to find fault -with the practice, and to have his suspicions that it is immoral; this -is the Gracchi complaining of sedition with a vengeance. - - “A merciful Providence fashioned him holler, - A purpose that he might his principles swaller.” - -In this year of grace, good players have long known that signalling -is by no means an unmixed benefit, but rather an edge-tool dangerous -to play with,[36] while it has been so long rampant that it has -permeated the very lowest strata. If at such a time as this—when all -the tenth-rate Whist players in Christendom and Jewry not only think -they know all about it, and consider it in itself the quintessence of -science, when many of them by constant practice have actually acquired -such skill that their hesitation in playing first a ten and then a -deuce is sometimes scarcely perceptible—the professor imagines that any -words of his can put a stop to it, his courage is only equalled by that -of the well-known Mrs. Partington with her mop. A child may start an -avalanche; but once started it runs its appointed course, and in one -respect it is preferable—it is sooner over—for there is no instance -recorded in history of an avalanche keeping on for forty years. - -In bumblepuppy the proceedings are so complicated and peculiar, they -must be seen to be appreciated; but there are five common forms you -should be acquainted with. - -(1) After you have had a lead or two and got rid of your winning cards, -you can begin signalling for somebody to lead a trump;[37] if somebody -obliges you, and you win the trick, lead another suit, and wait till -somebody else leads trumps again—continuing to signal in the intervals. - - -(2) You can signal in your own lead, and I don’t know that there is -any objection to your expecting that your partner will attend to -it—assuming he ever comprehends what you are driving at. - -(3) You can signal without any trump at all. - -(4) You can signal without intending to do so. - -(5) If by any odd chance there should be no signal about, you can -imagine there is and act accordingly. - -To obviate the evident disadvantages and mutual recrimination which -might ensue from such vagaries, if you really intend to signal, it is -usual to take the following precautions: - -(1) Always signal with your highest card. - -(2) Pause before you play it. - -(3) Put it down not only with emphasis, but in a special corner of the -table mutually agreed upon beforehand. (Note,[30] page 59.) - -(4) As soon as the trick is turned, ask to see it. (See note to Law 91). - - “Why the wicked should do so, - We neither know, nor care to do.” - -[Illustration] - -FOOTNOTES: - -[30] The origin of the signal is as clear as mud, and the very name of -the inventor of the well-known dodge of playing an unnecessarily high -card to induce the opponents to lead him a trump, is lost in the mists -of antiquity. - -[31] People do not seem at all agreed what a convention is. I used to -be under the impression myself that it was an assembly of notables—a -sort of liberal four hundred, or what is called in America a caucus. -It is described by Childe Harold as a dwarfish demon that foiled the -knights in Marialva’s dome, while I find in the _Fortnightly Review_, -April, 1879, “Conventions are certain modes of play established -by preconcerted arrangement;” by whom established, preconcerted, -or arranged is not mentioned; and I am very much afraid that this -definition leaves a loop-hole for winking at your partner when you want -trumps led—of course “by preconcerted arrangement”—otherwise it would -be unfair and (as he might mistake it for a nervous affection of the -eyelid) absurd. At Whist you can call anybody or anything whatever you -please; I have been told, but I scarcely believe it, that you can call -the knave of hearts “Jakovarts.” Poets (also an irritable race) have -the same licence, and for general purposes, according to Mr. Squeers, -there is no Act of Parliament against your calling a house an island; -but when you come to definitions, you must be more particular, or you -will land in a hole. - -[32] It is only right that I should state here that these are not -modern opinions, they are the opinions of Clay, and I am informed he is -rapidly becoming obsolete. This may be the case. I know the practice of -numbers who call themselves Whist-players is entirely opposed to his -theory; still, though I don’t like to prophesy (having a high respect -for the proverb that it is dangerous to do so, unless you know), I am -open to make a small bet that the Peter will be obsolete first. - -[33] I have seen a _player_ signal twice consecutively, and lose a -treble each hand. - -With the score three all, I have seen the original leader, holding ace, -knave, nine, to five trumps, and the ten turned up—play a singleton, -knock his partner’s king on the head, and then begin to signal, while -the adversaries were making the next two tricks in that very suit: his -partner ruffed the fourth, and with king and queen of the two unopened -suits, led the queen of trumps, killed the king in the second hand, and -the signaller then proceeded to wait about, and with all the remaining -trumps on his right, eventually lost three by cards. - -I have seen another _player_ of many years’ standing first lead a plain -suit and then call; his partner echoed it, and they lost four by cards, -and I _have been told_ that some time after a table had broken up, -and three of the party had left the house, one of the club servants, -entering the card-room, found the fourth still sitting at the table, -and continuing to signal. - -[34] “Signalling has placed a dangerous weapon in the hands of an -injudicious player. Weak players avoid leading a trump, watching for -some invitation from their partner. Weaker players still are constantly -examining the tricks; and finding in the position of the cards, -accidentally disarranged in turning, an indication of a call, lead -trumps, perhaps to the ruin of the game.”—_Mr. F. H. Lewis._ - -“We do not know whether anyone has ever kept a record of the number -of tricks lost by Petering. During the past year in the Whist we have -witnessed we feel confident that more tricks have been lost than won by -this practice.”—_Westminster Papers._ - -After many years’ further experience I am quite of the same opinion. - -[35] “They are looking for Peters and the lowest but one, but they -never think of the real points of the game.” - -“They are always on the look out for it, and they spend more -time and trouble about the signal than about all the rest of the -play.”—_Westminster Papers._ - -[36] Even in board schools forcing the strong hand is a part of the -ordinary curriculum. - -“Always force the strong.”—_Mathews._ - -There used to be some difficulty in ascertaining which was the strong -trump hand, but the signal has done away with that. - -[37] “Many times this kind of signal comes after the player has had the -lead, and when nothing of importance, speaking from our own knowledge, -has taken place to justify a signal. We are very careless about leading -trumps when our partner has had the chance and did not lead them.” - -“It is a sign of weak play if you first lead out your winning cards, -and then lead trumps; it shows ignorance of the principles of the game. -If it was advisable to lead trumps at all, it should be done before you -led out your winning cards.”—_Westminster Papers._ - -These are noble sentiments! how any sane human being can imagine he has -the right to tell me to destroy my hand and do for him—after he has -drawn his own teeth—what he was afraid—before that operation—to do for -himself, I have never been able to understand. - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -LECTURE VIII. - -—— - -FALSE CARDS, LOGIC, LUCK. - -—— - - “And shall we turn our fangs and claws - Upon our own selves without cause, - For what design, what interest, - Can beast have to encounter beast?”—_Hudibras._ - - -THERE are three kinds of false cards— - -(1) Those that deceive everybody; - -(2) Those that deceive your opponents only; - -(3) Those that deceive your partner only; and a sparing use of the two -first—especially towards the end of a hand—is often advantageous;[38] -but in playing cards that deceive everybody, you must be prepared to -take entire charge of the game yourself, or you will probably have your -conduct referred to afterwards. The third is sacred to bumblepuppy. - -One thing is very certain, that the original leader is never justified -in playing a false card. - -Clay’s conclusion does not altogether harmonize with his premises—a -very unusual circumstance with him—for after objecting strongly to -false cards on high moral grounds, and prefacing his remarks by the -expression of a touching belief that in no other position of life -would anybody tell him what is untrue, he ultimately arrives at the -delicious _non sequitur_, that if your partner is very bad, or holds -miserably weak cards, or towards the end of a hand, you may often -play a false card with advantage: why you should do what you know to -be wrong, because another person is bad, or weak, or because you hold -four cards and not thirteen, or even because such nefarious conduct -may benefit yourself, he does not explain, and in default of that -explanation he appears stronger as a whist player than a moralist. -But the logic of whist is a thing _per se_, utterly dissimilar to any -known form of argument;[39] it finds vent in such syllogisms as “You -ought to have known I had all the spades, I led a diamond,” or, “I -must have the entire suit of clubs, I discarded the deuce;” though the -usual reply is “the deuce you did,” this is merely paltering with a -serious subject; the only effective argument is to throw something at -the speaker’s head—_the argumentum ad hominem_—(of course this would -create more or less unpleasantness at first, but the speaker would -soon find his level, if you hit him hard enough) “unfortunately this -discipline by which such persons were put to open penance and punished -in this world—that others admonished by their example might be afraid -to offend”—has fallen into desuetude; until the said discipline be -restored again, which—although it is much to be wished[40]—can never -be until the present reprehensible practice of screwing candle-sticks, -match-boxes, and all reasonable missiles into the table be done away -with, you have two courses open to you: - -(1) You can give an evasive answer;[41] - -(2) You can pretend to be deaf; this is a capital plan, as it gives -you the option either of being unaware anybody spoke, or of totally -misunderstanding him.[42] There is an utter inability to see that any -question can possibly have two sides, evidenced by such remarks as “My -finesse was justifiable, yours was bad play.”[43] The two prepositions, -post and propter, are constantly mistaken for one another—it seems to -be thought that because they both govern the accusative case, their -meaning is identical, or, to speak more correctly, convertible. - -But you must be prepared to contend against other things besides false -cards and curious logic; there is a fiend often reported to be present -in the card-room, known by the name of “Luck,” and you ought to be -acquainted with two of the common stratagems for circumventing him; it -is by no means unusual to see two obese elderly persons—who have just -lost a rubber by revoking, ruffing each other’s winning cards with the -thirteenth trumps, forgetting to score honours _et id genus omne_—after -first roundly anathematizing this malefic spirit, taking precautions -against such things happening again by slowly and painfully rising -from their respective chairs, and at great personal inconvenience, -changing places with each other; this is one way; another is to throw -away several additional shillings in the purchase of new cards; turning -your chair round and sitting down again is also supposed to have an -emollient tendency. - -That there is such a thing—though stupidity is often mistaken for -it—is, to my mind, as undoubted as that there are birds; but whether -one or the other is to be caught by putting salt on its tail—without -taking other precautions—must be left to that right of private judgment -already mentioned. (Page 34.) - -It is true the Swan of Avon sings— - - “Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie - Which we ascribe to Heaven,” - -but he was only a literary person, not a whist player; and if a careful -exercise of your judgment satisfies you that either calling (and -paying) for new cards, or wearing out the seats of your knickerbockers -by dodging from chair to chair, is a specific for want of memory and -attention, so let it be: whatever conclusion you arrive at, it is your -duty to respect your seniors. - -FOOTNOTES: - -[38] “When it is evident the winning cards are betwixt you and your -adversaries, play an obscure game; but as clear a one as possible if -your partner has a good hand.”—_Mathews._ - -[39] The defence is quite as singular as the attack; for instance, if -you should be taken to task for any alleged criminality arising from -defective vision; instead of making either of the obvious answers that -it never took place at all, or that you regret it escaped your notice -and will endeavour to keep a better look out in future, the ordinary -plea in extenuation is “the noise in the room,” also “because your -cards are so bad,” is often assigned as a satisfactory reason. - -[40] Even a few days of this discipline at the beginning of Lent would -be better than nothing. - -[41] Evasive answers are of two kinds; those - -(1) For the ordinary platitude, for which you will find good examples -in _Card Table Talk_. - -(2) For the blatant absurdity; these are more difficult, for while -modestly asserting your own individuality, you must at the same time -guard against - - “Heating a furnace for your foe so hot, - That you do singe yourself.” - -The following remark admirably fulfils both these conditions:— - -“For the matter of that,” said Colonel Quagg, “Rot!”—_Sala_. - -It should be addressed, kindly but firmly, to a point about eighteen -inches above your partner’s head. - -[42] A well-known whist-player who is really deaf is reported to aver -that he never knew what comfort was till that misfortune befell him. - -[43] Bad play is any kind of solecism perpetrated by somebody else; if -by yourself, it may be either just your luck, _pardonable_ inattention, -playing too quickly, drawing the wrong card, or—in a very extreme -case—carelessness, but it is never bad play; sometimes the difference -is even greater than this, and what would be bad play in another, in -yourself may be the acme of skill. - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -LECTURE IX. - -—— - -WHIST AS AN INVESTMENT. - -—— - - “None alive can truly tell - What fortune they must see.”—_Sedley._ - - -IN “the Art of practical Whist” you will see capital invested in -Whist compared to consols; don’t run away with the idea that there is -any such resemblance; those numerous foreign _securities_ or limited -companies nearer home where you receive no interest and lose your -principal—or those public conveyances suggested by the elder Mr. -Weller—would be much closer analogues. - -Whist is not a certainty; neither is it true that you will every year -find your account exactly square on the thirty-first of December—it is -a popular fallacy devised by those who win, to keep the losers in good -spirits. - - “Maxima vis est phantasiæ.” - -An old friend of mine—veracious as men go, and always considered of -fairly sound mind and free from delusions, though a very inferior -whist-player—has often assured me that he won over three thousand -points for three years running (close on ten thousand in the -aggregate); if this statement is correct, and I have no reason to doubt -it—I often played with him, and he almost invariably won—it is manifest -that, after paying for the cards, some of us when we called at the bank -for our dividends, must have had to go empty away. - -I have played whist—club, domestic, or bumblepuppy—pretty regularly for -a quarter of a century, and the only conclusion I have arrived at so -far, is the very vague one that I shall either win or lose—I don’t know -at all which—for five years in succession, or multiples of five. - -For the first ten years I won considerably, for the next five I lost -considerably, then for another five I won slightly, and the last five -(I am thankful to say I am now getting well into the fifth) I have lost -again.[44] - -I have no doubt things equalise themselves in the long run, -the difficulty is that I am unable to give you any idea, even -approximately, what the duration of a long run is.[45] - -During a part of that first period, extending over a year and a -quarter, I played long whist—five points to the bumper—more than fifty -times, and never but once won less than twelve points. If we may -believe Herodotus, in his day the end was not always visible from the -beginning, and so it is now. I have won rubbers against all the cards, -and with all the cards I have lost them. - -Sometimes I cannot lose a rubber, sometimes I cannot win one; at one -time cards will beat their makers, at another the makers will beat the -cards, and these results occur without rhyme or reason, in defiance -of any system of play. Don’t imagine for a moment that I suggest play -is of no consequence, I merely say that you will frequently see the -cards or the players run wild, and that the actual result—winning or -losing—is beyond your own control. - - “In the reproof of chance lies the true proof of man.” - - _Shakespeare._ - -I have known twenty-four successive rubbers lost, and I have won -seventeen more than once. I have lost nine hundred and thirty points -in two months, and a hundred and fifty-four in two days. I have lost -a bumper in two deals, holding one trump each hand and with the same -partner, the same seats, and the same cards won the next rubber but one -in two deals, again holding one trump in each hand. - -I have seen a player with no trump and no winning card lose a -treble, and the very next hand, again with no trump and no winning -card—assisted to some extent by his partner—score nine, and on one -melancholy occasion my partner and myself were unable to raise a trump -between us; as a set-off to this, I ought to admit that we once held -them all. - -Though I have never seen it myself, that the dealer should give each -member of the _parti_ an entire suit is becoming as common an object -of the sea-shore as our old friend the sea-serpent. Fortunately, -overpowering cards do not always win. A hand of thirteen trumps has -been known to make only one trick; it occurred in this wise. - -A, B, Y, and Z were playing in a train, and A dealt himself the whole -suit of hearts: Y led the king of spades; B played the ace; Z followed -suit, and A ruffed. - -B, “an arbitrary gent,” ejaculated “Trump my ace!” at once took up the -trick and, with his own twelve cards, threw the lot out of the window. - -“The rest is silence.” - -I have held three Yarboroughs in two hours (a Yarborough is a hand -containing no card above a nine), and a hand with no card above a -seven at least twice. There was a hand recently at Surbiton with no -card above a six. With ace, knave, to five trumps, two kings, and -trumps led up to me, I have lost by five cards, and with queen, knave, -10, 8, 3, 2, diamonds (trumps), spade king, ace and king of hearts, -ace, king, queen and another club, and the original lead, I lost the -odd trick; and, most incredible of all, I know a very good player who, -on three consecutive Saturdays, lost an aggregate of over three hundred -points. - -I have played a set match, and, although I never bet, as I fancied -we had a shade the best of the play, and the other side made the -liberal offer of six to four, it tempted me, I took it and won five -rubbers running. I once cut about the best player I know six times -consecutively. My partner laid six to five to commence with, and as we -won the first game—a single—he gave five to two, and that was the only -game we won in those six rubbers. - -One of the two finest players I ever met lost twenty-eight consecutive -rubbers; feeling aggrieved at this ill-treatment he swore off for a -fortnight, and then lost twelve more. - -Busses—not Funds—is much nearer the mark. Irrespective of the time of -day, you can either go to bed when you have won two rubbers, or when -you have lost them; you can persevere to the bitter end either when you -are winning or when you are losing; you can take any of the measures -mentioned in the last lecture, or adopt any other system you please; -but there is one rule with no exception: though no earthly power can -prevent your winning or losing, the actual amount of that gain or loss -always depends upon yourself and your partner; if you should ever lose -eighty or a hundred points at one sitting, that deplorable result will -never take place without your active connivance; a trick lost here -and a trick lost there, an exposed card or something of that kind—the -consequence is always intensified when you are losing—will just make -the difference every now and then between winning and losing a rubber. - -During the bad forty-eight hours I had when I lost a hundred and -fifty-four points, I was attending carefully to the play, the cards -were abominable, and, making no allowances for what might have happened -if my partner and I had only been omniscient, simple little mistakes of -the kind just mentioned accounted for thirty-two of those points. - -If there is such a thing as luck—and I believe there is—don’t lie down -and let it kick you. - -Always play with reasonable care and attention:—if a thing is worth -doing at all, it is worth doing well—and when you hold cards which you -do not consider quite equal to your deserts, instead of playing worse -on that account—as most people do—take a little extra care. - -If your pocket money gives out, or you feel that your cards are too -bad for endurance, give up playing altogether; but if you continue to -play don’t exacerbate your misfortunes by your own shortcomings; it is -bad enough to retire to your crib with empty pockets, without a guilty -conscience in addition. - -[Illustration] - -FOOTNOTES: - -[44] To the sneer that I lose now because I play worse, I reply it is -quite possible I do not play so well as I did five years ago, I make -the sneerer a present of the admission, but I play better than I did -twenty years ago, when—playing against as good players as I do now—if I -did not win every time I sat down I was astonished. - -[45] “An experiment that does not go on to millions is very little -use in determining such propositions. It can be demonstrated to the -satisfaction of everyone that the odds, after having won the first -game in a rubber, in favour of winning one of the next two games is -three to one. Yet Mr. Clay considered that five to two was a bad bet, -and we have lost not only at five to two but at two to one, and on one -occasion we actually lost the long odds in two hundred bets, a hundred -and three times, so that if we were to take this result as of any -value, the odds would be slightly in favour of losing a rubber when you -had won the first game, which is absurd.”—_Westminster Papers._ - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -LECTURE X. - -—— - -ON THINGS IN GENERAL. - -—— - - “‘The time has come,’ the walrus said, - To talk of many things.’” - - -TO become a fair whist-player[46] no wonderful attributes are required; -common sense, a small amount of knowledge—easily acquired—_ordinary -observation of facts as they occur_, and experience, the result of -that observation—not the experience obtained by repeating the same -idiotic mistakes year after year—are about all. To save you trouble, -the experience of all the best players for the last hundred years has -been collected into a series of maxims, which you will find in any -whist book. These maxims you should know,[47] but though you know -every maxim that ever was written, and are “bland, passionate, deeply -religious, and also paint beautifully in water-colours,” if among your -other virtues the power of assimilating facts as they occur is not -included, this will not avail you in the least. - -Bumblepuppy—according to its own account—demands much more superfine -qualities, _e.g._, inspiration, second-sight, instinct, an intuitive -perception of false cards and singletons, and an intimate acquaintance -with a mysterious and Protean Bogey called “the Game”—in short -everything but reason[48]—(all these fine words, when boiled and -peeled, turn out sometimes to mean ordinary observation, but more -usually gross ignorance). So much for its theory; its practice is this— - - -_Practice of Bumblepuppy._ - - “This is an anti-Christian game, - Unlawful both in thing and name.”—_Hudibras._ - -(1) Lead a singleton whenever you have one. - -(2) With two small trumps and no winning card lead a trump. - -(3) Ruff a suit of which your partner clearly holds best, if you are -weak in trumps. - -(4) Never ruff anything if you are strong. - -(5) Never return your partner’s trump if you can possibly avoid it, -unless he manifestly led it to bring in a suit of which you led a -singleton. - -(6) Deceive him whenever you get a chance. - -(7) Open a new suit every time you have the lead. - -(8) Never pay any attention to your partner’s first discard, unless it -is a forced discard (page 32); lead your own suit. - -(9) Never force him under any circumstances unless you hold at least -five trumps with two honours; even if you lose the rubber by it, play -“the Game!” - -(10) Devote all your remaining energies to looking for a signal in the -last trick. If you are unable to discover which was your partner’s -card—after keeping the table waiting for two minutes—enquire what -trumps are, and lead him one on suspicion. - - * * * * * - -Play all your cards alike without emphasis or hesitation; how can you -expect your partner to have any confidence in your play when it is -evident to him from your hesitation that you have no confidence in it -yourself? - -If your partner renounces, and you think fit to enquire whether he is -void of the suit, do so quietly; don’t offer a hint for his future -guidance by glaring or yelling at him. - -Don’t ask idiotic questions; if you led an ace, and the two, three, and -four are played to the trick, what is the use of asking your partner -to draw his card? If you hold all the remaining cards of a suit, why -enquire whether he has any? - -Don’t talk in the middle of the hand.[49] However you may be tempted -to use bad language—and I must admit the temptation is often very -great—always recollect that though your Latin grammar says “humanum -est irasci,” the antidote grows near the bane, for—at the bottom of the -very preceding page—it also says “pi orant taciti.” - - “’Tis best sometimes your censure to restrain.”—_Pope._ - -According to the wisest man who ever lived, “he that holdeth his -peace is counted wise, and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a -man of understanding.” Such a reputation appears cheap at the price; -but—if you are of the opinion of J. P. Robinson that “they didn’t know -everything down in Judee”—you can call your partner any names you like -as soon as the hand is over.[50] You need not be at all particular what -for, any crime of omission or commission, real or fancied, will do; if, -after the game is ended, you discover that it might have been saved or -won by doing something different, however idiotic, grumble at him.[51] - -It is quite legitimate to revile him for not playing cards he never -held; if he should have the temerity to point out that the facts are -against you, revile the facts. - -If there is a really diabolical mistake in the case, and you happen to -have made it yourself, revile him with additional ferocity. - -But never forget this! Before you proceed to give your partner a piece -of your mind, _always call your honours!_ for by neglecting this simple -precaution, you will often lay yourself open to a crushing rejoinder; -_experto crede!_ - -Failing any other grievance, you can always prove to demonstration—and -at interminable length—that if his cards, or your cards, or both your -cards, had been just the reverse of what they were, the result would -have been different; this certainly opens a wide field for speculation, -but it is neither an instructive nor entertaining amusement, though -it kills time. “Oh, take one consideration with another, the -whist-player’s lot is not a happy one.” - -There is a theory which, according to some evil-disposed persons, -may easily be made too much of—the injury to yourself being remote -and doubtful, while the gratification of annoying him is certain and -immediate—that abusing your partner, as having a tendency to make him -play worse, is a mistake from a pecuniary point of view; of course it -is a mistake, but not for such a paltry reason as that; take a higher -stand-point! Whether you are winning or losing - - “You should never let - Your angry passions rise.”—_Watts._ - -Don’t cry! - - “Ill betide a nation when - She sees the tears of bearded men.” - -And you will have a beard yourself some time, if you don’t lead the -penultimate of five. (See page 21.) Without exciting the slightest -sympathy on the part of an unfeeling public, crying deranges the other -secretions; the Laureate says tears are idle, and professes ignorance -of their meaning; if he played whist he would know that they injure the -cards and make them sticky. - -Don’t play out of your turn, nor draw your card before that turn comes. - -Don’t ride a hobby to death! _In ordinary whist_ three prevailing -hobbies are so cruelly over-ridden that I am surprised the active and -energetic Mr. Colam has never interfered: these are— - - (1) The penultimate of a long suit. - - (2) The signal for trumps. - - (3) Not forcing your partner unless you are strong - in trumps—under any circumstances. - -The first is, in the majority of cases, a nuisance;[52] the second is -stated to simplify the game and to cause greater attention to be paid -to it—practically the entire time of the players is taken up, either -in devising absurd signals or in looking for and failing to see them: -the third is responsible for losing about as many games as anything I -am acquainted with, though the constant and aimless changing of suits -runs it close. - -Is it any reason—because you have no trumps—that you should announce -that circumstance early in the hand to the general public and prevent -your partner making one? If he has them all, you cannot injure him; if -he has not, the adversaries will play through him and strangle him: why -is it that you are afraid to let your partner make a certain trick, -though you are never afraid to open a new suit? - -An impression is abroad that there is somewhere a law of whist to this -effect: “Never force your partner at any stage of the game unless you -yourself are strong in trumps.” Now there is no such thing. - -Let us see what the authorities say on the point. “Keep in mind that -general maxims pre-suppose the game and hand at their commencement, -and that material changes in them frequently require that a different -mode of play should be adopted.” “It is a general maxim not to force -your partner unless strong in trumps yourself. There are, however, many -exceptions to this rule, as - -(1) If your partner has led a single card. - -(2) If it saves or wins a particular point. - -(3) If great strength in trumps is declared against you. - -(4) If you have a probability of a saw. - -(5) If your partner has been forced and did not lead trumps. - -(6) It is often right in playing for an odd trick. - -If your partner shows a weak game force him whether or not you are -otherwise entitled to do it.”—_Mathews._ - -With a weak trump hand force your partner: - -“(1) When he has already shown a desire to be forced, or weakness in -trumps. - -“(2) When you have a cross ruff. - -“(3) When you are playing a close game as for the odd trick, and often -when one trick saves or wins the game or a point. - -“(4) When great strength in trumps has been declared against -you.”—_Cavendish._ - -“Do not force your partner unless to make sure of the tricks required -to save or win the game; - -“Or, unless he has been already forced, and has not led a trump; - -“Or, unless he has asked to be forced by leading from a single card, or -two weak cards; - -“Or, unless the adversary has led, or asked for trumps.”—_Clay._ - -“Unless your partner has shown great strength in trumps, or a wish to -get them drawn, or has refused to ruff a doubtful card, give him the -option of making a small trump, unless you have some good reason for -not doing so, other than a weak suit of trumps in your own hand.”—_Art -of Practical Whist._ - -With these extracts before you, perhaps you will dismiss from your mind -the popular fallacy, that you are under any compulsion to lose the -game, because your trumps are not quite so strong as you could wish. - -Make a note of this. - -Maxims were not invented for the purpose of preventing you from either -saving or winning the game, though it is their unfortunate fate to be -epitomized and perverted out of all reasonable shape: the ill-advised -dictum, “Suppose the adversaries are four, and you, with the lead, -have a bad hand. The best play is, in defiance of all system, to lead -out your best trump;” was comparatively innocuous till some ingenious -person, with a turn for abbreviation, altered it into “Whenever you -hold nothing, lead a trump!” Use your common sense.[53] - -I have gone into this matter at considerable length, because I am -convinced that however many people, once affluent, are now in misery -and want, owing to their not having led trumps with five—Clay gave the -number as eleven thousand—a far larger number have been reduced to this -deplorable condition, by changing suits and refusing _on principle_ to -save the game by forcing their partner. - -Before quitting the subject, there is another branch of it worthy of -a little consideration: when your partner by his discard has shown -which is his suit, and you hold two or three small cards in it, however -strong you may be in trumps—_unless everything depends on one trick_—do -you expect to gain much by forcing him and making yourself third -player? though it is usual to play in this absurd way, is there any -objection to first playing his suit and—as, _ex hypothesi_, you are -strong in trumps—forcing him afterwards? - -Play always as simply and intelligibly as you can! - -In addition to your partner not being able to see your cards—in itself -a disadvantage—he is by an immutable law of nature, much inferior in -perception to yourself; you should bear this in mind and not be too -hard on the poor fellow. - -Never think![54] Know! Leave thinking to the Teuton: - - “A Briton knows, or if he knows it not, - He ought.”—_Cowper._ - -After the game has begun, the time for thinking has passed: as soon as -a card is led it is the time for action, the time to bring to bear your -previously acquired knowledge. - -FOOTNOTES: - -[46] Not a fine whist-player, for this is a rare bird, much more rare -than a black swan (these can be bought any day at Jamrach’s by the -couple, but even in the present hard times when, I am informed, the -markets are glutted with everything, he has not one fine whist-player -in stock); essential to him, in addition to common sense and attention, -are genius and a thorough knowledge of Cavendish. - -[47] “Although these maxims may occasionally speak of things never to -be done, and others always to be done, you must remember that no rules -are without exception, and few more open to exceptional cases than -rules for whist.”—_Clay._ - -[48] Just as orthodoxy has been defined to be your own doxy, so “the -Game” usually means “your own idea of the game at the time.” - -I have called it Protean because it assumes so many different forms -(being mainly based on results), and like the nigger’s little pig—runs -about to such an extent that it is impossible to get a clear view of it. - -[49] Though whist is reported to be an old English word meaning -silence, and though it is advisable for many reasons that it should be -played with reasonable quiet, it is not at all compulsory to conduct -yourself as if in the monastery of La Trappe; you have a perfect -right—as far as the laws of whist are concerned—to discuss at any time -the price of stocks, the latest scandal, or even the play going on, -“provided that no intimation whatever, by word or gesture, be given as -to the state of your own hand or the game.”—_Etiquette of Whist._ - -At bumblepuppy you had better waive this right altogether, for if under -any circumstances you open your mouth, you will infallibly put your -foot into it. Even here, the bumblepuppist is not consistent, for while -constantly laying down the extraordinary law—in a very loud voice—that -whist is silence, he considers the carrying out of that law much more -incumbent on the rest of the table than himself. - -[50] “Avoid playing with those who instruct, or rather find fault while -the hand is playing. They are generally unqualified by ignorance, and -judge from consequences; but if not, advice while playing does more -harm than good.”—_Mathews._ - -“The empty vessel makes the greatest sound.”—_Shakespeare._ - -“Talking over the hand _after_ it has been played is not uncommonly -called a bad habit and an annoyance, I am firmly persuaded it is one of -the readiest ways of learning whist.”—_Clay._ - -[51] - - “O dreary life!” we cry, “O dreary life!” - And still the generation of the birds - Sing through our sighing, and the flocks and herds - Serenely live while we are keeping strife. - -“The education of the whist-player is peculiar. How he becomes a -whist-player nobody knows. He never learns his alphabet or the -catechism or anything that he ought to do. He appears full-grown, -mushroom-like. He remembers someone blowing him up for doing something -he ought not to have done, and somebody else blowing him up for -doing something else, and he is blown up to the end of the chapter. -This phase of being blown up is varied by grumbling sometimes aloud, -sometimes _sotto voce_; so that the whist-player is reared on scolding -and grumbling as other youngsters are reared on pap. Truly this is a -happy life. Some men grumble on principle because it is a national -privilege, and they avail themselves of the Englishman’s birthright.” - - “A sect whose chief devotion lies - In odd perverse antipathies: - In falling out with that or this, - And finding somewhat still amiss, - More peevish, cross, and splenetic - Than dog distract, or monkey sick.”—_Hudibras._ - -“Some do it because they believe that if they grumble enough, it -will bring them luck. Some do it in the hope that they will excite -sympathy, and that their friends will feel for their ill-fortune, -which, by-the-bye, whist-players never do. Some grumble to annoy their -friends, and we are bound to say these succeed.”—_Westminster Papers._ - - “The croaking nuisance lurked in every nook; - And the land stank—so numerous was the fry.”—_Cowper._ - - -[52] “They are intent on some wretched crotchet like the lowest but -one.” - -“Every time he can lead a lowest but one, no matter what the state of -the game or the score, that lead he is sure to make, and we believe -there are some neophytes who would lose their money with pleasure if -they could only tell their partners afterwards that they had led the -lowest but one.”—_Westminster Papers._ - -[53] “Common sense (which in truth is very uncommon) is the best sense -I know of. Abide by it; it will counsel you best.”—_Chesterfield -Letters._ - -[54] This is at first sight a rather appalling proposition, but the -advice I give you I have always endeavoured to follow myself, and I am -not a solitary case, for in the _Nineteenth Century Review_ for May, -1879, I find the writer of one of the articles is in the same boat; -this thoughtful writer—he must have been thoughtful, otherwise his -lucubration would not have been accepted—says: “I have given up the -practice of thinking, or it may be I never had it.” - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -LECTURE XI. - -—— - -THINKING. - -—— - - “With some unmeaning thing, that they call thought.”—_Pope._ - - “Think, and die.”—_Shakespeare._ - - -NEVER think! - -Unless you have some remarkably good reason for taking your own course, -do as you are told. If your partner leads a small trump, and you win -the trick, return it at once: - - “Gratia ab officio, quod mora tardat, abest.” - -This is a much more simple and satisfactory plan than to proceed to -think that he may have no more, or that the fourth player must hold -major tenace over him; no one will admit more readily than I do that -you are much the better player of the two, still, allow him to have -some idea of the state of his own hand. - -Don’t think whenever you see a card played that it is necessarily -false.—“_Nil sapientiæ odiosius acumine nimio._”—_Seneca._ - -As, on the whole, true cards are in the majority, you are more likely -to be wrong than right, and the betting must be against you in the long -run. - - “My business and your own is not to inquire - Into such matters, but to mind our cue— - Which is to act as we are bid to do.”—_Byron._ - -If you are blest with a sufficiently sharp eye to the left, you may -occasionally _know_ that a card is false, but knowledge acquired in -that way I should not describe as thinking; I should use a quite -different expression. - -With the military gentleman who anathematized intellect I deeply -sympathize. Profound thought about facts which have just taken place -under your own eye is the bane of whist. - -Why imitate Mark Twain’s fiery steed? Why, when it is your business to -go on, “lean your head against something, and think?” - -Whether you have seen a thing or not seen it, there can be no necessity -for thought; recondite questions—such as whether the seven is the best -of a suit of which all the others but the six are out, or whether a -card is the twelfth or thirteenth—can be answered by a rational being -in one of two ways, and two only; either he knows, or he does not know, -there is no _tertium quid_; the curious practice of gazing intently at -the chandelier and looking as intelligent as nature will permit—if not -more so—though it is less confusing than going to the last trick for -information, and imposes upon some people, is no answer at all;[55] -this, in whist circles, is called, or miscalled, _thinking_. It is not -a new invention, for it has been known and practised from the earliest -times. “There is a generation, O how lofty are their eyes; and their -eyelids are lifted up.”—_Proverbs, chap._ 30, _verse_ 13, B.C. 1,000. -Pecksniff, who had an extensive acquaintance with the weaknesses of -human nature, knew it; you and all other schoolboys are adepts at it. - -In Greek the very name of man—ανθρωπος—was derived from this peculiar -method of feigning intelligence, and it was by no means unknown to the -Romans. - - “Pronaque cum spectent animalia cœtera terram, - Os homini sublime dedit cœlumque tueri.” - -But, however ancient and venerable the practice may be, it is one -of those numerous practices more honoured in the breach than in the -observance; surely, looking on the table is more in accordance with -the dictates of common sense than attempting to eliminate unknown -quantities from a chandelier. In the one you have gas and probably -water; on the other—lying open before you—the data required. I have -now endeavoured, not to teach you either whist or bumblepuppy, but to -point out a few of the differences between them, and to start you on -the right road. The first is a game of reason and common sense, played -in combination with your partner; the second is a game of inspiration, -haphazard, and absurdity, where your partner is your deadliest enemy. -I have made a few extracts from Mathews—partly because I do not like -novelties merely because they are novelties—partly to convince the -bumblepuppist (if anything will convince him) that when he tells me -the recognised plan is a new invention, introduced by Cavendish for -his especial annoyance, he does not know what he is talking about; -and partly to show you that since that book was written—eighty years -ago—the main principles of Whist are almost unaltered. - -The chapter on etiquette is since his time; but, although the game has -been cut down one-half, take away from Mathews his slight partiality -for sneakers—to be accounted for by the possibility of his partner at -that remote period being even a more dangerous lunatic than yours is at -present, and the consequent necessity for playing more on the defensive -(for leading singletons, whatever else it may do, and however it may -damage the firm, does not injure the leader)[56] take away from the -play of to-day its signal, its echo, and its penultimate of a long -suit; (all excrescences of doubtful advantage for general purposes, -and the last two more adapted to that antediluvian epoch when human -life was longer)—and the continuity of the game is clear.[57] Whether -Whist would gain anything by their omission I am unable to say; the -attention, now always on the strain in _looking_ for its accidents, -would have a spare moment or two to devote to its essentials; whether -it would do anything of the kind is another matter. - -Those followers of Darwin and believers in the doctrine of evolution, -to whom it is a source of comfort that an ascidian monad and not Eve -was their first parent, must find the Whist table rather a stumbling -block: they will there see uncommonly few specimens of the survival of -the fittest. A cynic with whom I was once conversing on this subject, -remarked that they were much more likely to come across the missing -link. - -The philosopher of Chelsea long since arrived at the unsatisfactory -and sweeping conclusion, that the population of these islands are -mostly fools, and he has made no exception of the votaries of Whist. -Still, it has the reputation of being a very pretty game, though this -reputation must be based to a great extent on conjecture; for apart -from its other little peculiarities—on some of which I have briefly -touched—its features are so fearfully disfigured by bumblepuppy, that -it is as difficult to give a positive opinion as to say whether a woman -suffering from malignant small-pox might or might not be good looking -under happier circumstances. The sublime self-confidence expressed in -the distich— - - “When I see thee as thou art, - I’ll praise thee as I ought,” - -has not been vouchsafed to me, but if ever I obtain a clear view of it, -I will undertake to report upon it to the best of my ability. - -You may have heard that if you are ignorant of Whist you are preparing -for yourself a miserable old age: it is by no means certain that a -knowledge of it—as practised at this particular period—is to be classed -with the beatitudes. - -[Illustration] - -FOOTNOTES: - -[55] Making passes in the air with your hand, as if you were about to -mesmerise the table, is another favourite stratagem. - -[56] The difference here is more apparent than real; Mathews, with -considerable limitations, advocates leading singletons; now-a-days the -practice is decried, but I regret to say that as far as my experience -goes, the principal obstacle to leading a singleton is not having a -singleton to lead. - -[57] “We expect that Cavendish very often must have objected to that -ancient plagiarist Mathews for stealing his ideas.” - -“If their ideas are not identical, it is rather difficult to find where -one begins and the other ends.”—_Westminster Papers._ - -“I contend that there is no essential difference between modern and -old-fashioned whist, _i.e._, between Hoyle and Cavendish, Mathews and -J. C.”—_Mogul._ - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -LECTURE XII. - -—— - -TEMPER. - -—— - - “O tempora! O mores!” - - “To seek to extinguish anger utterly is but a bravery of - the Stoics.”—_Bacon._ - - -I AM afraid that you will hear at the whist table a good deal about -temper, unless you are particularly fortunate; that so-and-so is -good-tempered, or the reverse; that if we were all better tempered, -something or other might be different, and similar platitudes. Now -these mostly start on the utterly false assumption that everybody is -equally subject to the same annoyances. - - “Tender and delicate persons must needs be oft angry; - they have so many things to trouble them, which more - robust natures have little sense of.”—_Ibid._ - -That the greatest exponent of Bumblepuppy has necessarily the longest -temper goes without saying—of course he has! He has nothing to ruffle -him, for he has everything his own way; he plays as he thinks fit -(supposing him to think at all, or ever to be fit); if his partner -makes a mistake it is any odds he never sees it; _de non existentibus -et non apparentibus eadem est ratio_; here is one cause of equanimity. - -If it is any amusement to him—and I presume it is, otherwise he would -not do it—from his cradle to his grave to play a game of which he knows -absolutely nothing, and if in pursuit of that amusement he thinks it -worth his while to take a certain amount of his own and his partner’s -capital, and to throw it in the street, why should he lose his temper? -Although he has paid his money, he has had his choice—another cause of -equanimity. - -Ah Sin played a game he did not understand, and remained quite calm -and unperturbed, though he was a heathen and an Asiatic; while his -antagonist disgraced our common Christianity by letting his angry -passions rise because things were going against him. - -If both partners, then, are of the same mind and the same -calibre—either bad or good—to quote an American author, “all is peas,” -and like the place - - “Where brothers dwell and sisters meet - Quarrels should never come.” - -The difficulty begins to arise when one of the partners fails to -see things altogether in the same light as the other. He may be so -unfortunately constituted (cross-grained the other would say) that he -is unable to derive any amusement from the game unless it is played -with a modicum of intelligence; it is just possible that instead of -considering gold as dross, as an accursed thing to be got rid of at -the earliest opportunity, he may be actuated by a depraved love of -filthy lucre, and a sordid desire for gain; such conditions are to be -deplored, but they exist and must be reckoned with. - -When his partner proceeds to run amuck, he misses the point of the -joke; his perverted moral sense revolts against paying half the money, -and the other man having all the choice; probably, for a time, he keeps -his mouth tightly shut, but his _collaborateur_ is not to be eluded -in that way; he demands not merely the passive, but the active assent -of his victim, and sooner or later, after the perpetration of some -particularly atrocious _coup_, inquires with the bland and childlike -smile of the heathen already referred to, “Partner, I think we could -not have done better there?” What is to be done now? Silence is not -an answer; it used to be, but has been disestablished. Are you to -agree with him? Are you to state what is false? Are you to dissent and -be informed you are always finding fault? (Shakespeare’s retort is -neat and worthy of him: “You have always been called a merciful man, -partner;” but we are not all Shakespeares.) Or is it the best course -at once to resort to active measures, and throw at him the first thing -that comes to hand? - -The worm must turn some time or other; it may turn the other cheek, but -that is only temporising; no worm has more than two cheeks, and when -it has had them both slapped, what is it to do then? We come to an -_impasse_. - -The copy-books used to tell us—for anything I know they may do so -yet—copy-book aphorisms have a marvellous vitality, and you have seen -them since I have—that “patience is a virtue” (I think virtue ought -to have a capital V), and, as an abstract proposition, the statement -is probably as true and more grammatical than “There’s milestones on -the Dover Road”; but what is the use of it? The question is, will it -wash? The two best known examples of this virtue are the Patriarch -Job and the patient ass. Whether the Patriarch was well advised in -enduring his friends so long, and whether he endured them on account -of his patience, or whether the bodily affliction from which he was -notoriously suffering at the time, incapacitated him from taking -energetic steps to expel them from his bed-room, are questions -difficult to decide so long after the event. I express no opinion of my -own; let the dead past bury its dead: _de mortuis nil nisi bonum_; but -the donkey is a different matter; he lives in our own times, and I know -him well; he touches me nearly; and I unhesitatingly affirm that the -only benefit—if benefit is the proper term—he has ever derived from his -long-suffering, has been to be invariably imposed upon in consequence. -Casa Bianca on the burning deck is another case in point; he did score -to a certain extent, for owing to his patience his widowed mother -escaped an undertaker’s bill, while he himself is known to this day in -the nursery as “the noble boy”; but to the more mature observer, in -whom the ambition to be called names is dead, the game is hardly worth -the candle; while you yourselves will be called quite enough names -at the whist table without being cremated; not to mention that the -majority of you probably prefer pudding to praise. - -Some irritable people go so far as to apply language of a condemnatory -character to the inanimate cards; as it is impossible to arouse any -emotion either of pleasure or anger in their breasts, this seems absurd -and a waste of energy. It must be bad form to excite yourself without -causing annoyance to others, and should certainly be avoided. - -Believing luck to be strictly personal, it appears to me that calling -for new cards is an unnecessary display of temper and throwing good -money after bad. - -We may take it, speaking generally—for it is not always the case—that -the worse a man plays, the less visible is his bad temper; the converse -fortunately does not hold good, for many good players have really -wonderful tempers. - -One curious circumstance is that want of perception and thickness of -mental cuticle are usually looked upon by the unfortunate possessors -as proofs of good temper, and boasted of as such. This is not the case -in other afflictions. I once knew a man with a Barbadoes leg, and -though its circumference much exceeded that of mine, he never made any -offensive comparisons. - -In Bath I have seen scores of invalids—mostly naval and military men, -naturally warlike—they were all seated decorously in the local chairs; -and when they dismounted and hobbled into the club, they did not go -about brandishing their crutches and bragging that they had refrained -from assaulting us innocent civilians; on the contrary, I always found -them most courteous and friendly. - -To sum up the matter; we are all worms of some kind, and we all turn -more or less when we are trodden upon, if we perceive it. The denser -the worm, the more slowly he turns. While some ill-conditioned ones -turn under all circumstances, some of the most highly-organised are -scarcely ever known even to wriggle. Apparently harmless ones sometimes -turn most suddenly and ferociously. Those most trodden upon—unless -quite _hors de combat_—turn most. - -Finally, many congenitally mal-formed worms, and worms suffering from -amaurosis, cerebral ramollissement, myxædema, and other dreadful -diseases, are not only unaware of their critical state, but are -actually proud of it, and look upon it as a proof of their amiable -disposition. - - - - -[Illustration] - - - - -LECTURE XIII. - -—— - -DETERIORATION OF WHIST, ITS CAUSES AND CURE. - -—— - - “Past and to come seem best; things present worst.”—_Shakespeare._ - - -IN my time I believe Whist has on the whole deteriorated,[58] it -mistakes means for ends, is more tricky, more difficult, more -cantankerous; with regard to common mistakes—inability to hold a few -cards without dropping them on the table, or to play them one at a -time; inability to count thirteen, to recollect the best card, or -whether it was your opponents, your partner, or yourself who first led -a suit; winning your partner’s trick, or not winning your adversary’s; -leading out of turn, revoking, and so on—there is not much difference. - -As long as I can recollect, Whist has been gorged with these, and -neither the hydraulic ram nor any other of the improved mechanical -appliances of the present day can squeeze into a thing more than it -will hold. Architects of card-rooms are to blame for a good deal of -this bad Whist; it is impossible to play in a badly lighted, or a badly -ventilated room. Whist players have often told me exactly what they -require, and it is very odd they cannot have it. - -With a large fire, the room hermetically sealed, and everybody smoking, -the temperature should never exceed sixty-one-and-a-half degrees, nor -be below sixty. There must be neither doors (they admit draughts) -nor windows: windows are open—allow me to withdraw that offensive -word—windows are exposed to two objections, (1) some scoundrel, -regardless of consequences, might lower or raise the sash; (2) instead -of being placed in the ceiling or the floor—where you would naturally -expect to find them—they are always at the side of the room, and no -whist player can see a card with the windows in such a position. - -Candles do not give sufficient light, and gas is unbearable; a -suggestion to try an attic with a skylight fell through (not through -the skylight—I mean the suggestion failed), because no one was able to -go upstairs; a lift would overcome that objection, but the temperature -difficulty remained. - -This only applies to clubs; curiously enough, in small stuffy -back-rooms in private houses, gas never causes head-ache, and neither a -mephitic atmosphere nor a temperature of 120° is at all disagreeable. - -Joking apart, the _fons et origo mali_ is Law 91, and not only the -head and front of the offending, but its barrel and hind quarters as -well.[59] - -Since the introduction of signalling, the subsequent petrolatry, and -all the elaborate functions of that cultus, an exaggerated importance -(increasing in geometric ratio with every additional convention) has -been attached to the last trick—the only place where, by universal -consent, anything can reasonably be “looked for”—and if you, after -seeing the cards played, informing your partner which is yours (of -course, in answer to his enquiry), gathering the trick and arranging it -neatly, should imagine you have done with it, you will be the victim of -a fond delusion—using “fond” in the old acceptation of the word. First, -your partner will ask to see it at least twice, then your opponents, -one or both, will probably grab at it without asking, and put it back -in a dishevelled condition; it is useless to specify what their mental -state must be, and unfortunately, by the time all these irritating -performances have been gone through and you have again arranged the -trick symmetrically, you will find yours is not all you could wish. You -can avoid some of these annoyances by allowing your partner to gather -the tricks, but from his slovenly mode of doing so, you will never -be able to see how many he has; and just as you are endeavouring to -concentrate your attention at a critical point, it will be distracted -by your having to make an intricate calculation how the game stands, -the data being the cards remaining in your hand, and two confused -heaps on the table; as long as this is permitted, whist is out of the -question, and you feel inclined to say with the Divine Williams, - - “Let him have a table by himself.” - -One of the principal uses of the new method of suspended animation -will turn out to be, that all decent whist players will have to submit -themselves to it, and remain, arranged in rows on shelves, until that -law is abrogated. - -The number of shelves required will not appreciably affect the timber -trade.[60] - -In the good time coming, promised by the poet to those of you who wait -a little longer, when the present inspired, convention-ridden, and -last-trick-inspecting generation is in the silent tomb or cremated, as -the case may be, and a new school—basing its play on common sense and -attention—has arisen, there may be an improvement; but as I am not an -optimist I cannot join in the aspiration of the little girl whose world -was hollow and whose doll was stuffed with sawdust; therefore, though -this improvement, like the millennium, may be looming in the more or -less remote future, I see no sign of it at present. - -If “to everything there is a season and a time to every purpose -under the sun,” also “_a time to lose and a time to cast -away_.”—Ecclesiastes, chap. 1, verse 1-6: it seems clear to me there -must be a time for bumblepuppy. - -Some people deny this, they say that the argument proves too much; they -point out that Shakespeare says there are - - “Tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, - Sermons in stones, and good in everything.” - -and that as this could not apply to bumblepuppy, these passages only -show that it was unknown when they were written. - -Another argument of theirs against the antiquity of bumblepuppy, -based on the passage “in all labour there is profit,” is altogether -fallacious and unworthy of consideration; they admit the labour but -deny the profit. This must have had its origin east of Temple Bar, -where it is held there is no profit unless it assumes a pecuniary form. -But the repressing your innate tendency to profane swearing, curbing -your evil passions generally, and the cultivation—under considerable -difficulties—of nearly all the cardinal virtues, as inuring to your -moral well-being, are a profit of the most positive kind;[61] to be -able to give a definite answer to the long-standing conundrum “is life -worth living?” is something. - -However, you can draw your own conclusion, the extract from Shakespeare -is—I confess—difficult to get over, still, when Solomon makes use of -these remarkable words “a time to lose and a time to cast away,” I fail -to see what he could have had in his mind, unless it was this very game. - -At any rate one thing is clear, bumblepuppy exists now, and is not a -pretty game (there can be no two opinions about that); neither—judging -from the demeanour and language of its exponents—is it a pleasant -game. I append a hand, which is, I think, the finest specimen of it I -ever saw. Judge for yourself. I had jotted down a few further remarks -on this repulsive subject, but on reading them over, they seem to be -not only inconsistent with that extreme reverence which is due to the -young, but absolutely unfit for publication. - - “Quod factu fœdum est, idem est et dictu turpe.” - R. I. P. - -The two games are now before you, let me conclude the lecture with one -more extract from my favourite classic. - - Utrum horum mavis accipe. - - * * * * * - - -SPECIMEN OF BUMBLEPUPPY IN EXCELSIS. - - “Here’s a pretty state of things! Here’s a how-de-do!” - -Score love all. Trumps diamond 9. Z is a bumblepuppist with the highest -opinion of himself. - - A. Y. B. Z. - - 1 H5 ~H6~ H2 H4 - - 2 D2 D5 D4 ~DK~! - - 3 S3 SK ~SA~ S4!! - - 4 S7 SJ S2 ~SQ~ - - 5 D8 ~D10~ S10 S9!!! - - 6 D3 D7 D6 ~DQ~!!!! - - 7 C3 DJ ~DA~ D9!!!!! - - 8 C4 H8 ~S8~ C2 - - 9 C6 C8 ~S6~ C9 - - 10 C7 HQ ~S5~ CJ - - 11 H10 ~HA~ H3 H9 - - 12 H8 ~CA~ C5 CK - - 13 HJ ~CQ~ C10 HK - -This is the worst hand ever played, without exception; it is a -microcosm, complete in itself, and contains examples of stupidity, -selfishness, duplicity, defiance of all recognized principles, and -every conceivable villainy. - -Trick 2.—The misplaced ingenuity in deceiving Y as to the position of -the Qn is worth notice. - -Trick 3.—The lead of the only weak suit, in preference to the strong -suit of clubs, playing up to declared weakness in hearts, or returning -the trump is very neat. - -Trick 5.—The force here of the trump leader, inducing him to believe -that Z at any rate holds the remaining spades, an illusion carefully -fostered by B, is especially good. - -Trick 7.—The return of the trump at this point with the best trump -(probably) and three long spades (certainly) declared against him in -one hand, is a real gem. - -[Illustration] - - -THE DOMESTIC RUBBER. - - “Let the doors be shut upon him, that he may play the - fool nowhere but in his own house.”—_Shakespeare._ - -A third variety of whist, the domestic rubber, I have passed over in -silence; what takes place in the sanctity of private life it would be -as unbecoming for me to divulge as for you to seek to know; - - “O’er all its faults we draw a tender veil, - So great its sorrows and so sad its tale.” - -At the same time I don’t think I am violating any confidence in stating -that you will find there neither signalling, nor the penultimate of -five and its developments: yet, though free from these annoyances, -the game, even when mitigated by muffins, music, and the humanizing -influence of woman is inexpressibly dreary, and you had better keep out -of it if you can; but should this not be practicable,—for some relative -from whom you have a reasonable expectation of a tip may be staying in -the house, and you may be compelled to sacrifice yourself either on -the altar of duty or of self-interest—then never forget that sweetness -of temper is much more important here than knowledge of Whist, and -consoling yourself with the following two reflections: - -(1) That (according to Epicurus) prolonged pain is pleasant rather than -otherwise, extreme pain always short;[62] - -(2) That those whom the gods love die young; when your hour arrives, -bare your throat to the knife with a smile. - -So shall your memory smell sweet and blossom in domestic circles. - - -DOUBLE DUMMY. - -Double dummy is not Whist, nor anything like it, it much more closely -resembles chess; one is a game of inference, the other is an exact -science, where the position of every card is known. - -Often, in the course of a controversy on Whist, you will hear one of -the disputants challenging the other to play double dummy, imagining -that he has clenched the matter; it would be quite as germane to -suggest trial by battle, or to move an adjournment to a good dry -skittle alley. - -“The bearings of these observations lays in the application of them. -That an’t no part of my duty. Avast then, keep a bright look out -for’ard, and good luck to you.” - -[Illustration] - -FOOTNOTES: - -[58] “The game is not the simple straightforward game it was, it is -more erratic and more difficult.” - -“Whist is more and more, and year by year, a game of brag, a game -for gambling, a game in which we have to study the idiosyncrasies of -the players as well as the cards themselves. We have to deduce from -imperfect data, and when our inference is wrong we have a great chance -of a scolding from an infuriated partner.” - -“Modern whist in a nutshell—signs and signals and a short supply of -brains.”—_Westminster Papers._ - -“We are by no means peculiar in the opinion that signals and the -so-called developments are destroying whist.”—_Cornhill Magazine._ - -“Whist, as a game, is in a fair way of being ruined.”—_Knowledge._ - -[59] “Let players, if they wish to play a decent game, and avoid a -mischievous and annoying practice, give up the privilege accorded by -Law 91.”—_Home Whist._ - -[60] “This refuge against boredom has fallen through. Seeing an article -on suspended animation in the _Contemporary Review_ for November 1879, -I pounced upon it, thinking it might contain the recipe, and found to -my disgust that the process, so circumstantially narrated, was a hoax.” - -[61] “While practising these virtues you are not obliged to look -pleasant unless you feel so—this would be dissimulation. Heine’s plan -fulfils all reasonable requirements. - - Once I said in my despairing, - This must break my spirit now, - But I bore it and am bearing, - Only do not ask me how.” - - -[62] He is right to some extent; the domestic rubber always closes -early. - - - - -EPILOGUE I. - -—— - - -AS my present aim is confined to purveying food for babes in an -elementary and easily assimilable form, and to calling your attention -to Law 91, any lengthened disquisition on the more recent conventions -would be out of place. - -More competent critics than myself flatly deny that they are food for -anybody, and have denounced them, lock, stock, and barrel, in _The -Field_, _Longman’s_, _Cornhill_, _Knowledge_, _Whist_, and numerous -daily and weekly papers. - -Having given my opinion elsewhere, I would merely remark that though, -in your allotted span of three-score years and ten—after deducting a -reasonable time for rest and refreshment, say eight hours a day—you may -possibly master such an intricate absurdity as the plain suit echo, -that result is highly improbable, and most assuredly not worth the -trouble. - -Still, though the thanes have revolted, they are not immortal, and must -shortly join the great men who have gone before; the future is in your -hands, and if you wish Whist to endure you must bestir yourselves at -once; there is no time to lose. “The times have been, that when the -brains were out, the man would die;” those times may return at any -moment and where will the modern game be then? - -Already its authors have provided you with the following dogmata:— - - _the lead of uniformity;_ - _the discard of uniformity;_ - _the suit of uniformity;_ - -all three of them rooted in error—a melancholy tripod to hang the fine -old game upon, with a strong family likeness to the Manx emblem, three -legs all abroad and no head-piece—if you give these iconoclasts a -little more rope, they have only to formulate _the hand of uniformity_, -and the _corpus_ or rather the _cadaver_ of Whist will be complete. - -[Illustration] - - - - -EPILOGUE II. - -—— - - -SOME readers of these lectures have complained that it is often -difficult to discriminate when they are serious and when they “attempt -to be funny,” and have suggested that the attempts should be indicated -clearly by a note, thus [Illustration] “this is a goak”!—and the -remainder printed in red ink. While fully recognizing their difficulty -and sympathizing with them, I am unable to entertain either proposal; -the first is an American innovation utterly at variance with the -conservative character of the work; and it is a fatal objection to -the other that if whatever is important were picked out in red, many -well-disposed children would at once rush to the natural—but highly -erroneous—conclusion, that they had got hold of a Prayer Book. Another -complaint, that my advice to Bumblepuppists is likely to lead them -further astray is beside the question, even assuming—for the sake of -this argument—such a thing to be possible; the point is whether I -have described “the game” correctly, and I am prepared to stake my -reputation as an experienced Bumblepuppy player, that I have done so -without manifesting fear, favour, or affection. - - - - -ADVERTISEMENT. - - - - -_Whist_ - - - =The Monthly Journal devoted to the - interests of the Game.= - - ———— - - =_Illustrated_—Price, 5/- per Annum. - - Postage free. Payable in advance.= - - ———— - -This Magazine, which was founded in June, 1891, has already attained an -established reputation, and a world-wide circulation. - -It will continue the publication of recorded games, portraits and -biographies, news and correspondence relating to current topics, in -addition to reviews of new Whist Literature, Problems, Questions and -Answers, &c. - -The Editor’s department is directed by one of the foremost players in -America. - -Correspondence Columns are open for the discussion of any interesting -point. - - - ———— - - =A Specimen Copy will be sent on receipt of 6d.= - - ———— - - =MUDIE & SONS,= - AGENTS, - =15 Coventry Street, LONDON, W.= - - - - -FOSTER’S - -(Patent) - -Self-Playing Whist Cards. - -SECOND SERIES. - -[Illustration] - -———— - -The Cleverest and most Practical invention for teaching good Whist. - -———— - - EXERCISES IN THE LEADS - AND IN INFERENCE. - - * * * * * - -One, two, or three persons can play with them exactly as if four were -present; the absentees’ cards, though dealt face down and unknown, will -play themselves exactly as if experts were present and held them. The -faces are exactly as others, and the instruction is conveyed by means -of the inferences. No hurry, no flurry, no ill-tempered criticism. - - - ———— - - GOOD FOR THE STUDENT - OR THE EXPERT PLAYER. - - ———— - - =Each Pack in a Box, with Directions and Analysis of the Games.= - - =Price 2/6.= - - _Sent postage free on receipt of the price._ - - ———— - - MUDIE & SONS, - Sole Agents for Great Britain and Colonies, - =15 COVENTRY STREET, LONDON, W.= - - - - -FOSTER’S - -WHIST MANUAL, - -ILLUSTRATED. - - -[Illustration: _2nd Edition._] - - “The book teaches the English game by means of a system - that is at once lucid and striking.”—_Scotsman._ - - “At last we have a book on Whist that anyone can - understand. The whole presentation of the subject is - novel.”—_Illustrated American._ - - “A complete system of instruction presented in an - intelligible manner.”—_Morning Post._ - - “I have been favoured with a copy of the Lessons. The - system (which includes all the latest developments) is - most ingenious. I regret that I am not at liberty to - reproduce it.”—Cavendish (_The Field_, 28th Dec., 1889). - - “In the Manual we find practically the series of - lessons with additional details and more complete - analysis.”—_The Field._ - - ———— - - =Cloth bound. 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L. - Baldwin, with Treatise on the Game, by James Clay). - Price 3/6. - - FOSTER’S WHIST MANUAL—The Course of Lessons. By R. F. - Foster. Price 3/6. - - FOSTER’S DUPLICATE WHIST AND WHIST STRATEGY. Price 5/- - - FOSTER’S POCKET GUIDE TO MODERN WHIST. By R. F. Foster. - Price 6d. - - THE CORRECT CARD. By Lt.-Colonel Campbell-Walker. Price - 2/6. - - WHIST; OR BUMBLEPUPPY? By Pembridge. Enlarged Edition. - Price 2/6. - - THE ART OF PRACTICAL WHIST. By Major-General Drayson, - F.R.A.S. (Enlarged Edition). Price 5/- - - HOME WHIST. By R. A. Proctor. Price 1/- - - HOW TO PLAY WHIST. By R. A. Proctor. Price 3/6. - - PRACTICAL GUIDE TO WHIST. By Fisher Ames. (American.) - Price 2/6. - - MODERN SCIENTIFIC WHIST. By C. D. P. Hamilton. - (American.) Profusely Illustrated. Price 9/- - - HOW TO PLAY SOLO WHIST. By Wilkes & Pardon. - Illustrated. 2/6. - - PATIENCE GAMES. By Hoffman. Illustrated. Price 5/- - - TRICKS WITH CARDS. By Hoffman. Illustrated. Price 2/6. - - HANDBOOK OF POKER. By W. J. Florence. Illustrated. - Price 5/- - - ENCYCLOPÆDIA OF CARD AND TABLE GAMES. By Hoffman. Price - 7/6. - - ONE SHILLING HANDBOOKS: Piquet, Poker, Solo Whist, - Whist (Dr. Pole), Patience (3 volumes), Skat, Modern - Hoyle, Card Tricks, Index to Whist Laws. - - THE PROCEEDINGS OF THE FIRST AMERICAN WHIST CONGRESS, - WITH THE GAMES THERE PLAYED. Price 5/- - - _Any of the above will be sent postage free on receipt - of the price._ - - * * * * * - - =MUDIE & SONS, 15 Coventry Street, London, W.= - - - - -THE NEW GAME OF PENCHANT. - - * * * * * - -Illustrated, Cloth Bound, Gilt Extra, Price 3/6. - -[Illustration] - - * * * * * - - -This is the first new game for two players, played with ordinary -cards, since the introduction of Bezique about thirty years ago. It -is easily learned, is full of interest, and has several quite new -features—notably the mode of originating or preventing Trump, and the -_Bar_. This Volume contains all that is needed for self-instruction, -including a complete game played and explained, and illustrated by card -diagrams. - - “An interesting game of the Bezique order.”—_Daily - Telegraph._ - - “Should be a valuable addition to the rather limited - number of card games for two players.”—_Land and Water._ - - “The game belongs to the Bezique family, but there is - more variety in it, more play, and much more amusement - can be got out of it.”—_Lady’s Pictorial._ - - * * * * * - - =MUDIE & SONS, Publishers,= - =15 COVENTRY STREET, LONDON, W.= - - - - -MUDIE’S Improved FOSTER’S (PATENTED) WHIST MARKER. - -[Illustration: _Illustration showing “a double and three up.”_] - - - PRICE, - - =7/6= A PAIR. - - * * * * * - - The only Spring-acting Marker that - shows nothing but the Score. - - * * * * * - - _Three great Advantages:—_ - - A constant level surface. The score conspicuous in - every position. Difference in shape between tricks and - points. - - * * * * * - - Press the Keys and Ivory faces instantly appear. - - * * * * * - - _Manufactured expressly for_ - - MUDIE & SONS, 15 Coventry Street, LONDON, W. - - - - -FOSTER’S DUPLICATE WHIST. - - -Not a New Game; but an Invention for eliminating the luck from Whist -Playing. - -[Illustration] - -This most simple and effective apparatus does away with the need for -any sorting of the hands afterwards. It permits a record of the play -if required for analysis, and provides the means of testing different -methods of strategy. The hands played by A-B and Y-Z during a series -of twelve games are afterwards transposed for the after-play, so -that each side should be able to win an equal number of tricks. For -the after-playing, the games may or may not be taken in consecutive -order; each side has the same number of deals and original leads, and -therefore any advantage in the score must be the result of superior -play. - -Brilliant games constantly escape the attention they deserve, owing -to the inconvenience of spending time in sorting the cards to their -original position. By the use of this Invention such games are -preserved, and can be played again either at once or subsequently. The -entire apparatus is easily portable, measuring (with the cards) only -9½ × 4 × 2¾-inches. - - * * * * * - - =Match Set for 12 Games, with Counters, Score Cards,= } - =and Directions= } =Price 12/6= - - =Ditto, including 12 packs American Squeezer Cards= =Price 25/-= - - * * * * * - - MUDIE & SONS, 15 Coventry St., London, W. - - - - -MUDIE’S SQUEEZER CARD TABLE - -_(REGISTERED)._ - - -[Illustration] - - The legs are made to fold together flat against the - table, so that it may be put away unencumbered, ready - for immediate use; and, when opened, the space beneath - is free from obstructions. It has no complicated - mechanism, but can be set up or closed in a moment; and - it stands as firmly as a billiard table. - -[Illustration] - -THE SQUEEZER CARD TABLE has been designed =IN ONE PIECE= specially for -the use of Piquet, Bezique, and Whist Players. - - _Made in best Walnut, Inlaid Cloth, with Rolled Border._ - - Size for Piquet, 26 × 31, 27in. high =Price 50/-= - - Size for Whist, 31 × 31, 27in. high =Price 55/-= - - For Bezique (lower, for use with Easy chairs) - 28 × 28, 22in. high =Price 45/-= - - _Securely packed and delivered, carriage paid, to any station in the - United Kingdom._ - - * * * * * - - =MUDIE & SONS, 15 COVENTRY ST., LONDON, W.= - - - - -THE WORKS OF “CAVENDISH.” - - -LAWS AND PRINCIPLES OF WHIST. Illustrated in Red and Black. New -Edition, 8vo, Cloth, Gilt Extra. Price 5/-. - - -WHIST DEVELOPMENTS: American Leads and the Plain Suit Echo. New -Edition, 8vo, Cloth, Gilt extra. Price 5/-. - - -WHIST, WITH AND WITHOUT PERCEPTION. 8vo, Cloth, Gilt. Price 1/6. - - -PATIENCE GAMES. With Examples Played Through. Demy oblong 4to. -Illustrated in Colours, Cloth, Gilt extra. Price 16/-. - - -THE LAWS OF PIQUET. The Standard Treatise, adopted by the Portland and -Turf Clubs. New Edition, 8vo, Red and Black, Cloth, Gilt extra. Price -5/-. - - -THE LAWS OF ECARTE. The Standard Treatise, adopted by the Portland and -Turf Clubs. New Edition, 8vo, Red and Black, Cloth, Gilt extra. Price -2/6. - - -THE LAWS OF RUBICON BEZIQUE. With a Treatise on the Game. 8vo, Cloth, -Gilt. Price 1/6. - - -ROUND GAMES AT CARDS. New Edition, 8vo, Cloth, Gilt extra. Price 1/6. - - -POCKET HANDBOOKS, By Cavendish. Price 6d. each. Cribbage; Euchre; -Bezique; Rubicon Bezique; Polish Bezique; =WHIST= (6) Guide, Laws, -Leads, Second Hand, Third Hand, American Leads Simplified; Piquet; -Ecarte; Spoil Five; Calabrasella; Sixty-Six; Imperial; Dominoes; -Draughts; Chess; Backgammon; Turkish Draughts. - - * * * * * - - _Any of the above works will be sent by Post on receipt of the Price._ - - * * * * * - - MUDIE & SONS, 15 Coventry Street, LONDON, W. - - - - -WHIST TACTICS. - -A COMPLETE COURSE OF INSTRUCTION - - - In the Methods which make some Players so much more skilful than others. - - Illustrated with - 112 Hands at Duplicate Whist, played by Correspondence, between sixteen of - the best players in the world. - - * * * * * - - BY THE AUTHOR OF - “FOSTER’S WHIST MANUAL.” - - * * * * * - -It is generally admitted that the most popular and useful book on -Whist ever written is “Foster’s Whist Manual.” Another work, by the -same author, entitled “Whist Tactics” is intended to carry players a -step farther, and should enable them to become past-masters of whist -strategy. - -The methods which ensured the success of the “Manual” are followed in -the present work, the author first giving the examples to be practised -with the actual cards, and then explaining the principles underlying -their proper management. In the “Manual” only the simple elements of -the game are treated of, such as the leads 2nd and 3rd hand play, etc.; -but in “Whist Tactics” the general management of the entire hand is -examined; the relations of the plain suits to each other and to the -trumps are shown; and certain simple, clear, and well-defined rules are -given, which will enable any player immediately to judge which course -it is best to pursue when he finds the plain suits and the trumps in -certain proportions to each other. - -It is also shown that after one or more tricks have been played -the hand must no longer be treated on its own merits, but must be -considered in its relation to the known or inferred peculiarities of -those of the three other players. - -The examples which the author uses throughout the work consist of 112 -hands at Duplicate Whist, which were played by correspondence between -sixteen of the finest players in America. For every card played in -this match, each of the players had a week in which to think over the -situation; and the result has provided 112 examples of the very best -and most carefully studied whist ever played. - -The author continually refers to these illustrative hands in order to -show that certain general principles of tactics are followed by all -the best players, and that it is neither more nor less than the proper -understanding and use of these tactics which make their play so much -better than that of the others. - -The arrangement and presentation of the subject are quite original, -and entirely different from that pursued in any other work on whist; -and the publishers are confident that it will be welcomed as the most -comprehensive work ever written on the game. - -Illustrated in two colours, cloth bound, gilt edges. Price 5s. - - =Sent Postage Free on Receipt of the Price.= - - * * * * * - - =MUDIE & SONS, Publishers, 15 Coventry Street, W.= - - - - - * * * * * - - - - -Transcriber’s note: - -Obvious punctuation errors were corrected. Sometimes the errors were -not able to be corrected as in a few opening quotes that never closed. - -Page 27, “urbs” changed to “urbis” (upon it _urbis_) - -Page 28, “lead” changed to “led” (is led, he occasionally) - -Page 41, the citation “Cameron” was changed from small capitals to -italics to match the rest of the text’s layout. (—_Cavendish._) - -Page 55, “suits” changed to “suit” (the suit is trumps) - -Page 80, Footnote 45, repeated word “of” removed from text (one of the -next) - -Page 109, “millenium” changed to “millennium” (like the millennium) - -Page 109, “passsge” changed to “passage” (based on the passage) - -Page 113, “at” changed to “At” (At the same time) - -Page 123, advertisement, “Egdes” changed to “Edges” (with Gilt Edges) - - - -***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHIST OR BUMBLEPUPPY*** - - -******* This file should be named 54135-0.txt or 54135-0.zip ******* - - -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: -http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/5/4/1/3/54135 - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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/* remove all borders except the top one */ - border-style: solid; - border-color: #000000; - clear: both; } - </style> -</head> -<body> -<h1>The Project Gutenberg eBook, Whist or Bumblepuppy, by John Petch Hewby</h1> -<p>This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States -and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no -restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it -under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this -eBook or online at <a -href="http://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you are not -located in the United States, you'll have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this ebook.</p> -<p>Title: Whist or Bumblepuppy</p> -<p> Thirteen Lectures Addressed to Children</p> -<p>Author: John Petch Hewby</p> -<p>Release Date: February 8, 2017 [eBook #54135]</p> -<p>Language: English</p> -<p>Character set encoding: UTF-8</p> -<p>***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHIST OR BUMBLEPUPPY***</p> -<p> </p> -<h4>E-text prepared by Emmy, MFR,<br /> - and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team<br /> - (<a href="http://www.pgdp.net">http://www.pgdp.net</a>)<br /> - from page images digitized by the Google Books Library Project<br /> - (<a href="http://books.google.com">http://books.google.com</a><br /> - and generously made available by<br /> - Internet Archive<br /> - (<a href="https://archive.org">https://archive.org</a>)</h4> -<p> </p> -<table border="0" style="background-color: #ccccff;margin: 0 auto;" cellpadding="10"> - <tr> - <td valign="top"> - Note: - </td> - <td> - Images of the original pages are available through - Internet Archive. See - <a href="https://archive.org/details/whistorbumblepu00unkngoog"> - https://archive.org/details/whistorbumblepu00unkngoog</a> - </td> - </tr> -</table> -<p> </p> -<hr class="pg" /> -<p> </p> -<p> </p> -<p> </p> - -<h1 class="faux">WHIST -OR -BUMBLEPUPPY</h1> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 564px;"> -<img src="images/cover.jpg" width="564" height="800" alt="Cover" /> -</div> -<hr class="chap" /> - - - - - -<div class="maintitle"><big>WHIST</big><br /> - -<span class="small">OR</span><br /> - -BUMBLEPUPPY</div> - -<div class="center"><br /><br /> -THIRTEEN LECTURES ADDRESSED<br /> -TO CHILDREN.<br /> -<br /> -BY<br /> -<span class="author">PEMBRIDGE.</span><br /> -<br /></div><div class="blockquot"> -<span style="margin-left: 6em;">“Ingenuas didicisse fideliter artes</span><br /> -Emollunt mores, nec sinuisse feros.”—<i>The Newcomes.</i><br /></div> -<div class="center"><br /><br /><br /> -<b>Revised and Enlarged Edition.</b><br /><br /><br /> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 20px;"> -<img src="images/emblem.jpg" width="20" height="20" alt="heart" /> -</div> - -<div class="center"><br /><br /><br /> -<span class="smcap">London</span>:<br /> -FREDERICK WARNE & CO.,<br /> -<span class="smcap">Bedford Street, Strand</span>.<br /> -<br /> -MUDIE & SONS,<br /> -<span class="smcap">15 Coventry Street, W.</span><br /> -1895.<br /> -</div> - - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="copyright"> -<span class="big"><b>·</b></span><br /> -LONDON:<br /> -PRINTED BY GEO. W. JONES,<br /> -35 ST. BRIDE ST., E.C.<br /> -<span class="big"><b>·</b></span><br /> -</div> -<hr class="chap" /> - - - -<h2>WHIST; OR BUMBLEPUPPY?</h2> - - -<div class="center">———</div> - - -<div class="blockquot"> - -<p>“We have been rather lengthy in our remarks on this book, -as it is the best attempt we have ever seen to shame very bad -players into trying to improve, and also because it abounds -with most sensible maxims, dressed up in a very amusing and -palatable form.”—<i>The Field.</i></p> - -<p>“‘Whist; or Bumblepuppy?’ is one of the most entertaining -and at the same time one of the soundest books on Whist ever -written. Its drollery may blind some readers to the value of -its advice; no man who knows anything about Whist, however, -will fail to read it with interest, and few will fail to -read it with advantage. Upon the ordinary rules of Whist -‘Pembridge’ supplies much sensible and thoroughly amusing -comment. The best player in the world may gain from his -observations, and a mediocre player can scarcely find a better -counsellor. There is scarcely an opinion expressed with -which we do not coincide.”—<i>Sunday Times.</i></p> - -<p>“Lectures on the points most essential to the acquisition -of a complete knowledge of the game. The lessons here given -will well repay perusal.”—<i>Bell’s Life.</i></p> - -<p>“All true lovers of Whist will give a hearty welcome to this -work. It is a small book, but full of weighty matter. We -have not space to analyse the positive rules laid down by -‘Pembridge’ for the guidance of those who wish to qualify as -Whist players. Suffice it to say that they are all sound, and -most of them worth committing to memory.”—<i>Sportsman.</i></p> - -<p>“It would be very easy to write at greater length than we -have done in praise of ‘Pembridge’s’ little book. But we -have said enough to indicate its nature and scope; and we -feel sure that any of our readers who may meet with it will -endorse our verdict that it is a real addition to the literature -of Whist.”—<i>Australasian.</i></p></div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - - -<h2>CONTENTS.</h2> - - - - -<div class="center"> -<table border="0" cellpadding="1" cellspacing="0" summary="Contents"> -<tr> -<td align="left"> </td> -<td align="right"><span class="smcap">page</span></td> -</tr> - -<tr> -<td align="left">LECTURE I.—<span class="smcap">Introductory</span></td> -<td align="right"><a href="#Page_1">1</a></td> -</tr> - -<tr> -<td align="left">LECTURE II.—<span class="smcap">The Lead</span></td> -<td align="right"><a href="#Page_11">11</a></td> -</tr> - -<tr> -<td align="left">LECTURE III.—<span class="smcap">The Play of the Second, Third, and Fourth Hand</span></td> -<td align="right"><a href="#Page_26">26</a></td> -</tr> - -<tr> -<td align="left">LECTURE IV.—<span class="smcap">Discarding, and its Difficulties</span></td> -<td align="right"><a href="#Page_32">32</a></td> -</tr> - -<tr> -<td align="left">LECTURE V.—<span class="smcap">The Discard from the <i>Strongest</i> Suit</span> (Part I.; Part II.)</td> -<td align="right"><a href="#Page_46">46</a></td> -</tr> - -<tr> -<td align="left">LECTURE VI.—<span class="smcap">The Eleven Rule</span></td> -<td align="right"><a href="#Page_55">55</a></td> -</tr> - -<tr> -<td align="left">LECTURE VII.—<span class="smcap">The Peter and its Peculiarities</span></td> -<td align="right"><a href="#Page_59">59</a></td> -</tr> - -<tr> -<td align="left">LECTURE VIII.—<span class="smcap">False Cards, Logic, Luck</span></td> -<td align="right"><a href="#Page_69">69</a></td> -</tr> - -<tr> -<td align="left">LECTURE IX.—<span class="smcap">Whist as an Investment</span></td> -<td align="right"><a href="#Page_74">74</a></td> -</tr> - -<tr> -<td align="left">LECTURE X.—<span class="smcap">On Things in General</span></td> -<td align="right"><a href="#Page_81">81</a></td> -</tr> - -<tr> -<td align="left">LECTURE XI.—<span class="smcap">Thinking</span></td> -<td align="right"><a href="#Page_93">93</a></td> -</tr> - -<tr> -<td align="left">LECTURE XII.—<span class="smcap">Temper</span></td> -<td align="right"><a href="#Page_99">99</a></td> -</tr> - -<tr> -<td align="left">LECTURE XIII.—<span class="smcap">Deterioration of Whist, its Causes and Cure</span></td> -<td align="right"><a href="#Page_105">105</a></td> -</tr> - -<tr> -<td align="left">BUMBLEPUPPY IN EXCELSIS</td> -<td align="right"><a href="#Page_111">111</a></td> -</tr> - -<tr> -<td align="left">THE DOMESTIC RUBBER, <span class="smcap">Double Dummy</span></td> -<td align="right"><a href="#Page_113">113</a></td> -</tr> - -<tr> -<td align="left">EPILOGUE I.</td> -<td align="right"><a href="#Page_115">115</a></td> -</tr> - -<tr> -<td align="left">EPILOGUE II.</td> -<td align="right"><a href="#Page_117">117</a></td> -</tr> -</table> -</div> - - - - - -<h2>PREFACE.</h2> - - -<div class="center">——</div> - -<p><span class="smcap">These</span> remarks are addressed to the young, in the -hope that when they arrive at man’s estate they -will use their best endeavours to do away with -<a href="#Law_91">Law 91</a>.</p> - -<p>To the present generation, already acquainted -with “the Game,” I should no more presume to -offer advice than I should presume to teach my -lamented Grandmother to suck eggs, if she were -still alive.</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“To instruct them, no art could ever reach,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">No care improve them and no wisdom teach.”</span></div> -<div class="sig"><span class="smcap">Proverbs</span>, <i>chap. 27, v. 22</i>.</div> -</div> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 582px;"> -<img src="images/i-013.jpg" width="582" height="103" alt="decoration" /> -</div> - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<h2>LECTURE I.<br /> - -——<br /> - -<small>INTRODUCTORY.</small><br /> - -——</h2> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 7em;">“Vacuis committere venis</span></div> -<div class="verse">Nil nisi lene decet.”—<i>Eton Grammar.</i><br /></div> -</div> -</div> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“Those that do teach young babes</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Do it with gentle means and easy tasks.”—<i>Shakespeare.</i></span><br /></div> -</div> -</div> - - -<p class="drop-cap"><span class="smcap">As</span>, humanly speaking, you will probably play -something for the next fifty years, should you -select either Whist or Bumblepuppy,<a name="FNanchor_1_1" id="FNanchor_1_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_1_1" class="fnanchor">[1]</a> it will be as<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span> -well for your own comfort—the comfort of others is -a minor consideration<a name="FNanchor_2_2" id="FNanchor_2_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_2_2" class="fnanchor">[2]</a>—to have some idea of their -general principles; but first you must decide which -of these two games you intend to play, for though -they are often confounded together, and are both -supposed to be governed by the same ninety-one laws -and a chapter on etiquette, they differ much more -distinctly than the chalk and cheese of the present -day. Professor Pole in his “Theory of Whist,” -Appendix B, has made a very skilful attempt (by -modifying the maxims of Whist) to make the two -games into a kind of emulsion. I was rather taken -with this, and having been informed that the most -incongruous materials will mix, if you only shake -them together long enough, I have given this plan a -fair trial, and failed.</p> - -<p>It may be that I had not sufficient patience and -perseverance, but the principal cause of failure I -found to be this: the Bumblepuppist, like Artemus -Ward’s bear, “can be taught many interesting things -but is unreliable;” he only admires his own eccentricities, -and if a person of respectable antecedents -gets up a little pyrotechnic display of false cards for -his own private delectation, the Bumblepuppist -utterly misses the point of the joke, he fails even to -see that it is clever: if such a comparison may be<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span> -drawn without offence, he doesn’t consider that what -is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.</p> - -<p>In the face of this difficulty, I should recommend -you to treat them as separate games: as you go down -in one scale and up in the other they closely approximate; -that extremes meet is a law of nature, and -between the worst Whist and the best Bumblepuppy -it is almost impossible to draw the line.</p> - -<p>Other elementary forms, protozoa for instance, -are often so much alike that it is difficult to decide -whether they are plants or animals; but representative -specimens of each game, beyond being found at -the same table, (in scientific slang, having the same -habitat,) have scarcely one point in common, you -might just as reasonably mistake horse-radish for -beef.</p> - -<p>If you elect Whist (I shall refer to the laws later -on) begin by learning the leads, and the ordinary play -of the second, third and fourth hand, which you will -find in any Whist Book;<a name="FNanchor_3_3" id="FNanchor_3_3"></a><a href="#Footnote_3_3" class="fnanchor">[3]</a> this can be done in a few -days; then after cutting for partners (see <a href="#Footnote_2_2">note</a> to <a href="#Law_14">Law -14</a>) as soon as the cards are dealt, <i>not before</i> (see note -to <a href="#Law_45">Law 45</a>),</p> - -<div class="hangsection"> - -<p>(1) Take up your hand;</p> - -<p>(2) Count your cards (see notes to Laws 42 & 46);</p> - -<p>(3) Sort them into suits;</p> - -<p>(4) Look them over carefully;</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span></p> - -<p>(5) Fix firmly in your memory not only the trump -suit but the trump card, then</p> - -<p>(6) Give your undivided attention to the table, <i>it -is there and not in your hand the game is -played</i>;</p> - -<p>(7) <i>See every card played in the order it is played</i>;<a name="FNanchor_4_4" id="FNanchor_4_4"></a><a href="#Footnote_4_4" class="fnanchor">[4]</a></p> - -<p>(8) When you deal, place the trump card apart -from the rest of the suit, that you may know -at once which it is.</p></div> - -<p>N.B.—Knowing is always better than the very best -thinking, and generally much more easy: by these -simple means you get rid at once and for ever of all -such childish interruptions as “draw your card!” -“who led?” “what are trumps?” “show me the last -trick!” and so <i>ad infinitum</i>, which, by their constant -repetition, not merely worry and annoy the rest of -the table, but tend to destroy any clue to the game -that you yourself might otherwise possess.</p> - -<p>It is a good plan to sit clear of the table, and -then if you are constrained to drop a few cards, they -at any rate fall on the floor, where they cannot be -called.</p> - -<p>So far, I have assumed your object to be Whist; if -your end and aim is Bumblepuppy, you need do none<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span> -of these things; you can learn the leads and the -recognised play—more or less imperfectly—in a few -years by practice, or you can leave them unlearned;</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“Build by whatever plan caprice decrees,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">With what materials, on what ground you please.”</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 20.5em;"><i>Cowper.</i></span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="unindent">ignorance imparts variety to the game, and variety is -charming. You can set all laws at defiance, and if -any one objects—after much wrangling—you can -refer the matter in dispute to the Westminster -Papers,<a name="FNanchor_5_5" id="FNanchor_5_5"></a><a href="#Footnote_5_5" class="fnanchor">[5]</a> and hang it up for a month certain: (this is -a better plan than writing to the <i>Field</i>, for there you -only get a week’s respite).</p> - -<p>Should you be in any doubt whether Whist or the -other game is your vocation, the first half-dozen -times you play make it a rule never to look at the -last trick—</p> - -<div class="quote"> -“Things that are past are done with.”—<i>Shakespeare.</i> -</div> - -<p class="unindent">and if at the end of that time you find the difficulty -insuperable, give up, as hopeless, all idea of becoming -a Whist player.</p> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span></p> - -<h3><i>Notes on some of the Laws.</i></h3> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 9em;">“Vir bonus est quis?</span></div> -<div class="verse">Qui consulta patrum, qui leges jaraque servat.”—<i>Eton Grammar.</i></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p>I have mentioned that there are ninety-one laws. -The wording of the first is not strictly accurate; it -ought to be “The rubber is <i>generally</i> the best of -three games,” for though I myself have never seen -more than four, it may consist of any number, as -the following decisions show:</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Decision A.</span>—The rubber is over when one side -has won two games and remembers it has done so: -this memory must be brought to bear before the -other side has won two games and remembers it has -done so.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Decision B.</span>—If a game is forgotten, it is no part -of the losers’ duty to remind the winners of the fact.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Law 5.</span>—This law is clear enough; still the first -time you revoke and are found out, if your opponents -hold honours and you have nothing scored—however -many you have made by cards—they will claim -a treble: you should be prepared for this. The -claim is wrong, but in spite of that—possibly because -of it—“they all do it.”</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Law 7.—Decision.</span>—You must call your honours -audibly, but you are not obliged to yell because your -adversaries are quarrelling.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap"><a id="Law_14"></a>Law 14.</span>—Always get hold of the cards before -cutting, and place a high card at one end of the pack -and a low one at the other, then cut last and take -either card you prefer: by this means you select your -partner, this is an admirable coup and tends to the -greatest happiness of the greatest number (<a href="#Footnote_2_2">Note A</a>, -<a href="#Page_2">page 2</a>) but it must be executed with judgment, for -if you are detected your happiness will not be increased, -rather the reverse. Some purists, anxious -to be on the safe side, only keep an eye on the bottom -card, and take it when it suits them.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Law 34.</span>—Until the last few years, after you had -cut the cards into two distinct packets, if the dealer -thought fit to knock one of them over, leave a card -on the table, or drop half-a-dozen or so about, it -was a mis-deal on the ground that these proceedings -were opposed to one or other of the next two laws, -35 and 36, but the latest decision is that the dealer -can maltreat the pack in any way he likes and as -often as he likes, and compel you to keep on cutting -<i>de die in diem</i>.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Old Decision.</span>—“You cannot make your adversary -cut a second time; when you left a card on the -table it could not be said that there was a confusion -in the cutting, it is a mis-deal.”</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">New Decision.</span>—“There is nothing in the laws to -make this a mis-deal. The play comes under the -term ‘Confusion of the cards,’ and there must be a -fresh deal.”</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span></p> - -<p>If you see a potent, grave, and reverend seignior -carefully lubricating his thumb with saliva, don’t -imagine he is preparing it for deglutition, he is only -about to deal. Even if he should swallow it, why -interfere? he will not hurt you; it is not your -thumb. Should you suffer from acute hyperæsthesis -you can follow the example of an old friend of mine, -who once rose from the table in his terror, and -returned armed with a large pair of black kid gloves -which he wore during the remainder of the <i>seance</i>: -though the effect was funereal—not to say ghastly—it -was attended with the best results in this case, -but it is just as likely to lead to ill-feeling, and -therefore to be deprecated. Leave the matter to -time! Apart from the cards being glazed with lead, -a single pack has been found to contain a fifth of an -ounce of arsenic, and there is no known antidote. -Even if not immediately fatal, the practice must be -very deleterious. A whist enthusiast with a greater -turn for mathematics than I can lay claim to, has -counted from six to seven thousand bacteria on each -square centimetre of a playing card, and makes this -ghastly deduction: “it is really dreadful to reflect -upon the colony of microbes which a person who -moistens his thumb before dealing may convey into -his mouth, and thence into his system.”—<i>Standard</i>, -Nov. 2nd, 1893. “Everything comes to the man who -can wait,” and while you are waiting <i>always sit on the -dealer’s right</i>.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Law 37.</span>—An incorrect or imperfect pack is a pack -containing duplicates or more or less than fifty-two -cards, but it is neither incorrect nor imperfect -because you think fit to place any number of your -own cards in the other pack, or to supplement them -with one from it. <i>Vide</i> Laws 42, 46.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Law 42.</span>—If you take <i>one</i> card from the other pack, -it is clear that you subject yourself to a penalty; if -you take more than one the matter is not so clear; -possibly you may gain by it; should you wish to -have the point settled, any time you have a bad hand -add the other pack to it; then complain that you -have sixty-five cards, throw them up, claim a new -deal under Rule 37, and see what comes of it.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap"><a id="Law_45"></a>Law 45.</span>—Taking up your cards during the deal -has one advantage, that if you can get your hand -sorted and begin to play without waiting for the -dealer, you save time, and time is reported to be -money. To counter-balance this there are two attendant -disadvantages, you prevent the possibility of a -mis-deal, and any card exposed by your officiousness -gives the dealer the option of a new deal.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Law 46.</span>—Under this law it is manifest that—the -other hands being correct—your hand may consist -of any number of cards from one to thirteen, and if -you once play to a trick—however many you may be -short—you will have to find them or be responsible -for them. See Law 70.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap"><a id="Law_91"></a>Law 91.</span>—If this law, which is the main cause of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span> -inattention and innumerable improper intimations, -were abolished, Whist would be greatly improved; -and I have never met with a good Whist player who -was not of the same opinion.</p> - -<p>The chapter on etiquette is good sense and good -English, and is worthy of much more attention than -is usually given to it.</p> - -<p>In addition to their ambiguity and sins of commission, -there is also a sin of omission; there is no -limit as to time, and it seems desirable there should -be; I would suggest—as allowing the hesitating -player reasonable latitude—one of those sand glasses, -supposed to be useful for boiling an egg; there is no -sense in giving him time enough to addle his egg.</p> - -<p>Though these laws appear more difficult of access -than I had imagined, they are not the laws of which -the only copy was destroyed by Moses; I have seen -them myself in Clay, Cavendish, and the “Art of -Practical Whist,” and if you are unable to get any -of these works from Mudie’s, there are copies of each -in the British Museum, Great Russell Street, Bloomsbury.</p> - -<p>Before or immediately after breakfast is the best -time to play; then, if ever, the intellect is clear, the -attention undistracted; in the afternoon you are -exhausted by the labours of the day, and your -evenings should be devoted to the morrow’s lessons -or a quiet nap (not the round game of that ilk).</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 582px;"> -<img src="images/i-013.jpg" width="582" height="103" alt="decoration" /> -</div> - - - - -<h2>LECTURE II.<br /> - -——<br /> - -<small>THE LEAD.</small><br /> - -——</h2> - -<div class="center"> -<small>“Dux nobis opus est.”—<i>Eton Grammar.</i><br /> - - -<br /> -“I pray thee now lead.”—<i>Shakespeare.</i></small><br /> -</div> - - -<p class="drop-cap"><span class="smcap">The</span> play of the entire hand often depends upon -the very first card led, and the confidence your -partner has that your lead is correct; whatever then -your original lead may be, let it be a true and—as -far as you can make it so—a simple lead: never lead -an equivocal card—that is one which may denote -either strength or weakness—if you can, lead a card -about which no mistake is possible.<a name="FNanchor_6_6" id="FNanchor_6_6"></a><a href="#Footnote_6_6" class="fnanchor">[6]</a> With the -original lead, follow the books and lead your strongest -suit; if you have nothing at all, do as little mischief -as you can; in this pitiable condition the head of a -short suit—as a knave or a ten—is better than the -lowest or lowest but one of five to the nine; your -partner, when he sees the high card led, knows at -once (assuming he knows anything) that he will have<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span> -to save the game himself if it can be saved, and will -take the necessary steps to that end. Though there -is ancient and modern authority for this,<a name="FNanchor_7_7" id="FNanchor_7_7"></a><a href="#Footnote_7_7" class="fnanchor">[7]</a> I am perfectly -aware that (according to the latest theory) it is -heresy; I am also aware, and the reflection gives me -quite as much pain as the heresy does, that leading a -long weak suit <i>with a bad hand</i> and no cards of re-entry -is a losing game:</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 3em;">“Such courses are in vain</span></div> -<div class="verse">Unless we can get in again.”</div> -</div> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span></p> - -<p class="unindent">to lead your longest suit when you are neither likely -to get the lead again, nor to make a trick in it if you -do, is a “short and easily remembered rule,” but -is apt to bring its followers to grief; if I do so, I -know perfectly well that after the game is over I shall -probably be left with the two long cards of that suit, -or I may have an opportunity of discarding one or -both of them before that crisis arrives, but this is -not the slightest consolation to me.</p> - -<p>While on the subject of heresy, I may as well refer -to another lead which has a special orthodoxy of its -own. In all suits of four or more, containing no sequence, -unless headed by the ace, you either lead the -lowest, or, if you wish particularly to exhibit your -knowledge of the game, the lowest but one; but from -king, knave, ten, &c., you lead the ten, and if your -object is a quiet life, you will continue to do so; if -you want to make tricks the advantage of the lead is -not so clear: if the second player holds ace, queen, -&c., or queen and another, you drive him into -playing the queen, and so lose a trick, which if you -had led your lowest in the usual way, you might not -have done.<a name="FNanchor_8_8" id="FNanchor_8_8"></a><a href="#Footnote_8_8" class="fnanchor">[8]</a></p> - -<p>Against this you have the set off that by leading -the ten you insure having the king-card of the suit -in the third round, but it is scarcely worth your<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span> -while to go through so much to get so little; for -such a lead pre-supposes your partner to have neither -ace, queen, nor nine, and it is two to one that he -holds one of them; if your partner’s best card is -below the nine, the tricks you will make will be like -angels’ visits, few and far between, whatever you -lead; and why you should take such a desponding -view of an unplayed suit I am not aware. The -advantage of opening a suit in which you hold tenace -is not so great as to oblige you to handicap it by -sending the town-crier round with a bell to proclaim -what that tenace is; <i>late in the hand</i> it is often -advisable to lead the knave.</p> - -<p>With ace and four small cards and a bad hand, -when weak in trumps, I have found, from long experience, -the ace to be a losing lead, and being -distinctly of the impression that for the ordinary purposes -of life, 13/4 = 2, as I am not always anxious -to proclaim the exact number of my suit, I generally -lead a small one.</p> - -<p>I am aware that the suit does not always go twice, -or even once; but that is the fault of the cards, not -of the equation.</p> - -<p>Of course, if, for any wise purpose, you feel you -must have one trick, take it at the first opportunity, -irrespective of Cocker or any other authority.</p> - -<p>N.B.—When you, second, third, or fourth player -have won the first trick, whatever you may think,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span> -you are <i>not</i> the original leader, and your lead then -should be guided by your own hand; if it is a bad -one you are under no compulsion to open a suit at -all, one suit is already open, go on with that; if it -also is a bad one, one bad suit is a less evil than -two bad suits, or opening a doubtful one in the dark; -return through strength up to declared weakness, or -if it was your partner who led, why should you show a -suit unless you hold a good sequence or strong trumps? -Return his suit, yours will be led sometime; whatever -you won the trick with, he is in a better position to -defend himself as third player than if he had to lead -it again himself.</p> - -<p>In returning your partner’s lead, if you had -originally three, you return the higher of the two -remaining cards; in returning through your adversary’s -lead, if you hold the third best and another, -play the small one, for your partner may hold the -second best single and they would fall together.</p> - -<p>Whenever you hold a suit with one honour in it, to -lead that suit, if you can avoid it, is about the worst -use you can make of it. Should you fail to see this, -devote ten minutes—not when you are playing whist, -but on some wet half-holiday or quiet Sunday afternoon—to -thinking the matter over; even if you have a -suit of king, queen to three, why not be quiet? If -anybody else opens the suit you will probably make -two tricks, if you open it yourself, probably one; -there is no hurry about it, you can always do that,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span> -but why you should go out of your way to lead a suit -in which you hold four to the knave or five to the ten -is incomprehensible.</p> - -<p>It is not generally known (or if it is, it is never -acted on, which comes to the same thing) that neither -in the ninety-one laws of whist, nor in any of its -numerous maxims, are you forbidden to play the -third round of a suit, even though the best card is -notoriously held by your opponent. It is a common -delusion to fancy that when a suit is declared against -you, you can prevent it making by leading something -else, whereas you merely postpone the evil day, and -do mischief in the interval. Many feeble whist-players -are unwilling ever to let their opponents -make a single trick; now this is unnecessarily -greedy; under no circumstances, at short whist, is -it imperative to make more than eleven. Allow your -adversary to have two, it amuses him and does not -hurt you.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> - -<p>“It is less mischievous, generally, to lead a certain losing -card, than to open a fresh suit in which you are very weak.”—<i>What -to Lead</i>, by Cam.</p></div> - -<p>With trumps declared against you be particularly -careful how you open new suits; surely when you -have just succeeded in knocking your partner on the -head in one suit, you might give him till the next -hand to recover himself, instead of trying to assault -him again the very next time you get the lead.<a name="FNanchor_9_9" id="FNanchor_9_9"></a><a href="#Footnote_9_9" class="fnanchor">[9]</a></p> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span></p> -<p>Changing suits is one of the most constant annoyances -you will have to contend against; queer temper, -grumbling, logic, and so on, if sometimes a nuisance, -are sometimes altogether absent, but the determination -to open new suits for no apparent reason—unless -a feeble desire on the part of the leader to see how far -the proceeding will injure his partner can be called -a reason—is chronic.</p> - -<p>Never<a name="FNanchor_10_10" id="FNanchor_10_10"></a><a href="#Footnote_10_10" class="fnanchor">[10]</a> lead a singleton unless you are strong -enough in trumps to defeat any attempt either of -your adversaries or your partner to get them out, in -which case it might be as well to lead them yourself; -whether you lead a sneaker or wait for others to play -the suit, the chance of ruffing is much the same, and -the certainty of making a false lead, and the nearly -equal certainty of deceiving your partner are avoided.</p> - -<p>When a singleton comes off it may be nice, it is -certainly naughty; when on the other hand you have -killed your partner’s king, and he has afterwards got -the lead, drawn the trumps, and returned your suit, -should the adversaries make four or five suits in it,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span> -you must not be surprised if he gives vent to a few -cursory remarks. To succeed with a singleton, (1) -your partner must win the first trick in the suit, (2) -he must return it at once, (3) on your next opening -another unknown suit, he must again win the trick, -and the odds against these combined events coming -off are something considerable. Per contra, he will -probably be beaten on the very first round, and even -if he is not, it is extremely likely that he will either -lead trumps—unless he is aware of your idiosyncracy, -when he will never know what to do—for what he -naturally imagines is your strong suit, or open his -own; at the same time, just as there are fagots and -fagots, so there are singletons and singletons, and a -queen or knave is by no means such a villainous card -as anything below a seven. “The very worst singleton -is the king.”—<i>Cam.</i></p> - -<p>With five trumps and no cards, lead a trump: you -have made a true lead, you have led not merely -your strongest suit, but a very strong suit, and if -your partner has nothing, you will lose the game -whatever you play, but you will lose it on that account, -and not because you led a trump; if you open any of -the plain suits you will make a false lead, and it is -two to one that the adversaries hold any of them -against your partner. You will often be told by the -very people who will tell you to lead from five small -cards in a plain suit, that to lead a trump from five is -too dangerous, but if you inquire in what way it is<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span> -too dangerous, and receive any satisfactory reply, you -will succeed in doing what I have never done.</p> - -<p>With five trumps and other cards, <i>a fortiori</i> lead a -trump.</p> - -<p>Towards the end of the game, you will find it laid -down by some authorities that if you hold nothing -and have an original lead, you should lead your best -trump; now if that trump is of sufficient size to warn -your partner that it is your best, this lead may not, -under the circumstances, be much more injurious -than any other; but an original trump lead is usually -supposed to indicate great strength either in trumps, -or in plain suits, and if your partner infers from the -size of your trump that your lead is from strength, -and acting on that inference returns it, it is about the -most murderous lead that can be made; having been -two or three times the victim of such a lead is almost -as good a reason for not returning trumps as sudden -illness or not having one.</p> - -<p>If he holds seven tricks in his own hand he can -make them at any time, and any attempt of yours, -however able, to deceive him at the outset will (to -say the least of it) not assist him in doing so.</p> - -<p>Why add an additional element of confusion to the -game? Why should your partner have to say to -himself as well as “Strong cards or strong trumps?” -“Perhaps nothing at all.” He is compelled to wait -about to see what is the meaning of this lead, time is -lost, and an opportunity let slip which may never<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span> -recur. The Bumblepuppist will here observe that -time was made for slaves; but the apophthegms on this -subject are more numerous and contradictory than -he is aware of.</p> - -<p>As a general principle, with the original lead and -a very bad hand, it is advisable to efface yourself as -much as possible. In such a case, I always have a -strong desire to get under the table—I don’t know -that it is contrary to either the laws or the etiquette -of whist to do so—and I firmly believe it is a better -course than leading the trey of trumps; at any rate -it is not for the weak hand to dictate how the game -should be played; and to step boldly to the front and -lead a small trump from two, without a trick behind -it, is in my opinion the height of impertinence.</p> - -<p>At certain states of the score it may be imperative, -in order to save the game, that you should place all -the remaining cards, but that is another matter -altogether, and if you want to go into it, read Clay -on the subject (page 85), though he nowhere suggests -that you should commence operations by placing -thirty-eight unknown cards.</p> - -<p>If your partner has led you a trump, and you—holding -ace, queen, to four or more—have made -the queen, return the ace; if you are playing -Bumblepuppy return a small one, your partner -thinking the ace is against him, is almost certain -to finesse and lose a trick—then call him names. -The reason assigned by the perpetrator of this<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span> -return is that as he originally held four he is -<i>compelled</i> to play the lowest, and it curiously -exemplifies his inability to apply even the little -knowledge he is possessed of.</p> - -<p>With ace, king only, it is customary to lead first -the ace and then the king; there is no authority for -such a lead,<a name="FNanchor_11_11" id="FNanchor_11_11"></a><a href="#Footnote_11_11" class="fnanchor">[11]</a> and nothing to be gained by it, except -that by leading in this way you probably prevent -your partner from signalling in the suit, but if you -like to burden yourself with a useless anomaly, you -can make a note of it. We started with the -hypothesis, that, in the ordinary course of nature, -you have fifty years before you, and if you wish to -embitter and shorten those years, you will invariably -lead the lowest but one of five—it may be, and I -am informed is, useful among a few assorted players, -“chock-full of science,” but it is caviare to the -general<a name="FNanchor_12_12" id="FNanchor_12_12"></a><a href="#Footnote_12_12" class="fnanchor">[12]</a> and (unlike Wordsworth’s Creature)—</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 4em;">“Too bright and good</span></div> -<div class="verse">For human nature’s daily food.”<a name="FNanchor_13_13" id="FNanchor_13_13"></a><a href="#Footnote_13_13" class="fnanchor">[13]</a></div> -</div> -</div> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span></p> - -<p>For my part I only think it expedient to show -five when, with reasonable strength on the part of -my partner, I have a fair prospect of bringing in -the suit.<a name="FNanchor_14_14" id="FNanchor_14_14"></a><a href="#Footnote_14_14" class="fnanchor">[14]</a></p> - -<p>It is often better to keep the knowledge of mere<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span> -length of suit religiously to yourself. Length and -strength are not always the same thing; why are -giants generally so weak about the knees? Length -is often only one element of strength and a very poor -one at that, though it may be of use indirectly. -With four or five low cards and an observant -opponent, it is occasionally a good plan to bottle up -the smallest. I have known this missing link so to -prey upon that opponent’s mind as to cause him to -forget matters of much greater importance.</p> - -<p>In bumblepuppy all this is entirely different, you -can lead anything you like, in any way you like; -here the safest lead is a long weak suit, the longer -and weaker it is, the less is your partner able to do -you a mischief. <i>With a weak partner</i>, strengthening -cards are either futile or dangerous: as he will in -all probability at once disembowel himself, the result -of leading them is on all fours with the Japanese -Hari Kari; whereas if you lead him a small card he -will finesse into his boots.</p> - -<p>You should also be very particular to lead the -lowest but one of five,<a name="FNanchor_15_15" id="FNanchor_15_15"></a><a href="#Footnote_15_15" class="fnanchor">[15]</a> it creates confusion, and under -cover of that confusion you may make a trick or two. -From this point of view you will often find the lead -of the middle card of your suit extremely effective.</p> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span></p> -<p>As to play false cards for the purpose of deceiving -your partner is considered clever, a very little practice -will enable you to play them with facility. With all -deference to Bret Harte, for ways that are dark, the -Heathen Chinee is <i>not</i> particular, and for tricks that -are vain, the Caucasian can give him points.</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“For when he’d got himself a name</div> -<div class="verse">For fraud and tricks, he spoil’d his game;</div> -<div class="verse">And when he chanced to escape, mistook,</div> -<div class="verse">For art and subtlety, his luck.”</div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="unindent">The ability to play false cards is not a proof of -intelligence. (“Cunning is often associated with a -low type of intellect.”—<i>Report of Inspector-General of -Military Prisons.</i>)<a name="FNanchor_16_16" id="FNanchor_16_16"></a><a href="#Footnote_16_16" class="fnanchor">[16]</a></p> - -<p>If you read your Natural History, you will find it -is the weaker animals which betake themselves to -anomalous modes of defence; though the cuttle-fish -and the skunk may be much looked up to in their -respective domestic circles, they are quite out of -place at the whist-table.</p> - -<p>It is also usual with ace to five or more trumps -to lead the ace, and if you see—by killing your -partner’s king, or by his failing to play one—that -he has no more, to try something else, for you can -change the suit as often as you please. It is a -fine mental exercise for your partner to recollect the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span> -remaining cards of four unfinished suits, all going -simultaneously.</p> - -<p>I often think, when I see this game in full blast, -that whist-players are not sufficiently grateful to -Charles the Sixth, or whatever other lunatic invented -playing cards, for having limited himself to four -suits; he might have devised six—but the idea is -too horrible. “In the time of Charles the Sixth -there were five suits.”—<i>Field.</i> This not only proves -my ignorance but my position, for if five suits have -been tried and found too much for human endurance, -then six would manifestly have been quite too awful! -Q.E.D.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 171px;"> -<img src="images/i-037.jpg" width="171" height="70" alt="decoration" /> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 582px;"> -<img src="images/i-013.jpg" width="582" height="103" alt="decoration" /> -</div> - - - - -<h2>LECTURE III.<br /> - -——<br /> - -<small>THE PLAY OF THE SECOND, THIRD, AND FOURTH -HAND.</small><br /> - -——</h2> - -<div class="center"> -<small>“The play is the thing.”—<i>Shakespeare.</i></small><br /> -</div> - - -<p class="drop-cap"><span class="smcap">Second</span> hand with king and another, or queen and -another, never play the honour either in trumps -or plain suits, unless you particularly want the lead, -and then you will probably not get it, and throw -away a trick.</p> - -<p>By not playing the honour,</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> - -<p>(1) The chance of trick-making in the suit is -greater (this has been proved to demonstration -by Mogul).<a name="FNanchor_17_17" id="FNanchor_17_17"></a><a href="#Footnote_17_17" class="fnanchor">[17]</a></p> - -<p>(2) The possible weakness of the third hand is -exposed—a very important point.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span></p> - -<p>(3) Your own weakness is concealed from the -leader, and he is able to finesse against -your partner; these three reasons ought to -be tolerably conclusive, but if a high card -is led, head it!</p></div> - -<p>If, holding knave, ten, and another, you are -afraid of trumps being led, and your partner is -devoid of common sense, don’t play the ten, or it -will be taken for a signal (that it neither is one, nor -at all like one, does not affect the petrolater in the -least); it is almost equally dangerous with queen, -knave, and another to play the knave. A high -card second hand has exactly the same effect on -many players as a red rag has on a bull; and if you -have an objection to being gored, you should keep -it out of their sight as long as possible—subject to -this important qualification—“Put an honour on an -honour, with only three of a suit; with four or more -you should not do it.”—<i>Mathews.</i></p> - -<p>Except to save or win the game, whether you -are weak in trumps, or strong, don’t ruff a doubtful -card unless you have a distinct idea what to do -next; if you are only going to open a weak suit, let -it go.</p> - -<p>Don’t ruff a suit of which your partner clearly -holds the best, in order to announce, <i>urbi et orbi</i>, -that you are weak in trumps; depend upon it <i>urbis</i> -and <i>orbis</i> will take advantage of this, not to mention -that you take the lead out of your partner’s hand at<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span> -a critical moment, and prevent him from developing -any game that he may have.</p> - -<div class="quote">“Why for the momentary trick be perdurably fined?”—<i>Shakespeare.</i></div> - -<p>In bumblepuppy, with ace, king, and others, or -king, queen, and others, the trick is often passed, -and with knave led, if the second player holds ace, -queen, etc., he usually plays the queen;<a name="FNanchor_18_18" id="FNanchor_18_18"></a><a href="#Footnote_18_18" class="fnanchor">[18]</a> holding -the same cards, if instead of the knave a small card -is led, he occasionally produces the ace. These -proceedings may be the eccentricities of genius; if -they are not, the only other explanation I can suggest -for them, is a desire to lose a trick.</p> - -<p>Third hand.—Don’t finesse against your partner, -unless you have reason to believe you are stronger<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span> -in his own suit than he is, or that he has led from -weakness.</p> - -<p>Don’t finesse against yourself. If you have led -from ace, knave, etc., and your partner has made -the queen, the king is certainly not on your right. -If, on the other hand, you have led from king, and -your partner again has made the queen, it can be -of no use to put on the king, the ace must be over -you. Though Clay described the finesse obligatory -before you were thought of, I am afraid that after -you are forgotten, these two simple cases will continue -to be reversed—that people will finesse against, and -not for, themselves. In bumblepuppy this is <i>de -rigueur</i>; also at this game, with king, queen, and -another in your partner’s lead, it is customary to play -the king, and, if it wins, to open a new suit.</p> - -<p>Ruff a winning card of the adversaries! What -possible benefit can you derive from allowing your -opponent to discard, and by that discard show his -partner the suit he wishes led? If you are too stingy -to use a high trump, surely you might play a little -one just to keep the trick going. “It is much better -to play a small trump with the certainty it will be -overtrumped than to let the trick go.”—<i>Westminster -Papers.</i></p> - -<p>When your partner has opened a suit with the ace, -and on the third round eleven are out, he holds the -other two, and whenever he leads one of them—whether -it is the queen or the four—it is a winning<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span> -card; but if you fail to grasp this, and feel disposed -to play the thirteenth trump on it, don’t waste time -either in invoking the immortal gods, inspecting the -last trick, or looking præternaturally intelligent—trump -it at once, and put him out of his misery. The -idea is not new, for it occurred to Macbeth when -about to perpetrate the very same coup:</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“If ’twere done when ’tis done, then ’twere well</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 8em;">It were done quickly.”</span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="unindent">My only claim is to have expressed myself without -such an involved use of auxiliary verbs.</p> - -<p>If you have more than two of the suit, don’t play -the ace on your partner’s knave; it may be a short -suit, or the head of a sequence, and you throw away -the power of passing the ten second round, even if it -is from king, queen, knave to five, there is nothing to -be gained by covering; with ace and another win the -trick and return it at once, unless you lead trumps.</p> - -<p>Though frequently done, it is not good whist to -decline to win a trick, either on the ground that you -want a guard for your king of trumps, or because you -hold six. In the other game both these proceedings -would be correct.</p> - -<p>Fourth hand.—Win the trick, and endeavour, if -possible, to do so without playing a false card. Like -all things that are difficult at first, you will find it -become comparatively easy by practice. You might -suppose that the exponent of bumblepuppy—who -always considers a trick of his own making worth at<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span> -least two made by his partner—would get into no -difficulty here; but he does. He has a firmly-rooted -belief that his strong suits are under the protection of -a special Providence which will never allow them to -be ruffed, and uttering his wretched shibboleth, -“Part with my ace, sir? never!” he contrives to lose -any number of tricks by keeping up his winning -cards to the last possible moment and a shade longer. -I imagine he is under the erroneous impression that -this in some way compensates for cutting in with a -small trump when he is not wanted.</p> - -<p>“It is a good plan when you have the thirteenth -trump to pass winning cards. The reason of this is -not apparent, but in practice I know several players -who do so, and in the multitude of counsellors there -is wisdom.”—<i>Westminster Papers.</i></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 164px;"> -<img src="images/i-043.jpg" width="164" height="67" alt="decoration" /> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 582px;"> -<img src="images/i-013.jpg" width="582" height="103" alt="decoration" /> -</div> - - - - -<h2>LECTURE IV.<br /> - -——<br /> - -<small>DISCARDING, AND ITS DIFFICULTIES.</small><br /> - -——</h2> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“This the vain purpose of his life to try,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Still to explore what still eludes his eye.”</span></div> -</div> -</div> - - -<p class="drop-cap"><span class="smcap">Discards</span> are of two distinct kinds:—</p> - - -<ul class="booklist"> -<li>(1) Ordinary.</li> -<li>(2) Forced.</li> -</ul> - -<p>(1) When your partner; (2) When your adversary -shows strength.</p> - -<p>In the first case, you naturally point out to your -partner which is your strong suit by discarding from -your weak suits, your object being to win the game, -and there is an end of that matter.<a name="FNanchor_19_19" id="FNanchor_19_19"></a><a href="#Footnote_19_19" class="fnanchor">[19]</a> In the second -case it is just the reverse. You have to save the game, -and you discard from your <i>best guarded suit</i>, by no -means necessarily your strongest, with a view, as far -as you can, of blocking every suit, and so preventing -the adversary from establishing his long cards.</p> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span></p> -<p>These two kinds of discards are, or ought to be, -of importance to three very different classes of -players:—</p> - -<p>(1) The Scientific.</p> - -<p>(2) The Commonly Decent.</p> - -<p>(3) The Exponents of Bumblepuppy.</p> - -<p>(1) The Scientific.—Here, with trumps declared -against you, you discard, as already said, from your best -guarded suit. Your partner knows this is probable, -but he does not know how strong you are in that suit; -he also knows it may very possibly be a suit in which -you hold three small cards, and a second discard of -it only gives him the further information that you had -either three or five—<i>he must infer which from his own -hand</i>—he assumes you did not originally hold two, -for you would not have left yourself entirely bare of -the suit. It is not everybody who is in the proud -position which I once occupied, when a trump being -led by the adversary, I found myself with no trump, -the best nine cards of one suit, and two other aces.</p> - -<p>Among good players, then, the forced discard -amounts to this: that though you are aware your -partner is discarding with the best possible motives, -and he is aware that you are doing the same, neither -can depend upon the other’s discard as showing anything -for certain. With trumps declared against you, -you must place unknown cards to the best of your -ability, and in such an unpleasant conjuncture, if you -are exceptionally fortunate, you may sometimes save<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span> -the game, and the skill displayed in doing so may be -a joy for ever:—</p> - -<div class="center"> -<small>“Forsan et hæc olim meminisse juvabit.”</small> -</div> - -<p class="unindent">Observe the discretion of the poet in his choice of the -word “<i>forsan</i>.”</p> - -<p>But when, on the other hand, you look at the improbability -of this coming off, when you reflect that -your partner has occasionally given you two discards, -and that you, in the exercise of that right of private -judgment inherent in every Protestant, led one of -those very suits, and by so doing lost the game; -when you recall what then took place, the <i>epea -pteroenta</i>, the mutual—but the subject is too painful; -let us leave it, and pass on to Class 2.<a name="FNanchor_20_20" id="FNanchor_20_20"></a><a href="#Footnote_20_20" class="fnanchor">[20]</a> This class -has two divisions, they both see your discards, but—without -any reference to their own hands or anything -that has been played—one division assumes your discard -is invariably from weakness, and at once knocks -on the head the very suit you have sedulously -been attempting to guard; the other has got hold -of the pernicious axiom that the original discard -is necessarily your <i>strongest</i> suit, and always leads -that.</p> - -<p>Here we have again a pretty considerable element -of confusion.</p> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span></p> -<p>Class 3.—These, with an unerring instinct that -might almost be mistaken for genius,<a name="FNanchor_21_21" id="FNanchor_21_21"></a><a href="#Footnote_21_21" class="fnanchor">[21]</a> will put you -in a hole, whatever you do. The safest plan is, -under all circumstances, to discard from your -weakest suit; you cannot be cut to pieces there, -and, whatever happens, you have the letter of the law -on your side. When you have not followed suit to -the second round of the opponent’s trumps, when, -as a rule, your discard (being forced) is not to be -depended on and is of no importance to them, this -is the only time they ever see it; for having no -winning cards in their own hands to attract their -attention, they are able to devote a little more time -to seeing the cards on the table. The number of -times they will have that wretched trick turned, and -their anxiety to be quite sure of the suit, are painful -to the sensitive mind (especially if that sensitive -mind is sitting opposite to them and happens to -belong to yourself). Well might Sophocles observe, -“Many things are dreadful, but nothing is more -dreadful than man.”</p> - -<p>That the first discard is from the weakest suit is -one of those half-dozen cast-iron rules—three of them -wrong, and the remainder invariably misapplied—which<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span> -make up their stock-in-trade;<a name="FNanchor_22_22" id="FNanchor_22_22"></a><a href="#Footnote_22_22" class="fnanchor">[22]</a> but if they -hold ace, king, queen to five trumps—say clubs—you -see them come well up to the table with an air -of triumph, and begin to lead. Again you don’t -follow suit; what do they care? they drive gaily -on, but, as they finish the third round, the idea -just begins to dawn upon them—perhaps you have -discarded something.<a name="FNanchor_23_23" id="FNanchor_23_23"></a><a href="#Footnote_23_23" class="fnanchor">[23]</a> A careful inspection of the -last trick affords them the pleasing intelligence that -somebody has discarded a diamond and somebody -else a spade; the light fades from their eye, their jaw -drops, and they are such a picture of hopeless misery, -that if they were not in the habit of informing you—scores -of times a day—that they play whist only for -amusement, you might almost doubt the fact.<a name="FNanchor_24_24" id="FNanchor_24_24"></a><a href="#Footnote_24_24" class="fnanchor">[24]</a></p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span></p> - -<p>After prolonged contemplation of the chandelier -and a farewell look at the spade and diamond, they -eventually produce a heart—your original discard!—have -their remaining trumps drawn, and lose the -game.</p> - -<p>Ordinary discards are simple in the extreme, and -might be very useful; unfortunately (as the general -public will persist in confining its attention to its -own hand, as long as there is anything in it), the -only discard usually seen is the last, and this detracts -from their utility. Forced discards are always -difficult (not to the discarder, but to his partner), and -to a duffer, unintelligible, for this reason, they require -common-sense—far be it from me to teach it—it is -like poetry, “<i>nascitur non fit</i>,” and these remarks -have not been made with any such intention, but -to endeavour to accentuate that Cavendish in his -treatise on Whist, and a letter which I append, has -said everything on the subject likely to be of use.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span></p> - - -<h3><i>The Principles of Discarding.</i></h3> - -<p>“The old system of discarding, though unscientific, -had at least the merit of extreme simplicity. It was -just this: when not able to follow suit, let your first -discard be from your weakest suit. Your partner in -his subsequent leads is thus directed to your strong -suit, and will refrain from leading the suit in which, -by your original discard, you have told him you -are weak.<a name="FNanchor_25_25" id="FNanchor_25_25"></a><a href="#Footnote_25_25" class="fnanchor">[25]</a></p> - -<p>Several years ago some whist enthusiasts, amongst -whom were Mogul and myself, played a number of -experimental rubbers, the cards of each hand being -recorded as they were played, and the play being -fully discussed afterwards.</p> - -<p>In the course of the discussion it was observed -first, I think, by Mogul, that in several hands the -discard from a weak suit, when the adversaries -evidently had in their hands the command of trumps,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span> -had resulted very disastrously.<a name="FNanchor_26_26" id="FNanchor_26_26"></a><a href="#Footnote_26_26" class="fnanchor">[26]</a> This caused us to -consider whether the weak suit should not be -protected under these circumstances, and we finally -came to the conclusion that discards should be -divided into two classes, viz., ordinary discards and -forced discards. These I proceed to distinguish.</p> - -<p>The reason a weak suit is chosen for the discard is, -that when a strong suit is broken into, the number of -long cards which might be brought in, if the suit is -ever established, are lessened, and so many potential -tricks are thus consequently lost.</p> - -<p>But little harm, certainly none of this kind of harm, -is done by throwing away from a weak suit, in other -words, from a suit that can never be brought in. But -when the adversaries have declared great strength in -trumps, the chance of bringing in a suit is reduced to -a minimum. On the assumption that you can never -bring it in, the small cards of your long suit are -valueless to you. That suit will protect itself so far -as its high cards are concerned, but the weak suits -require protection.</p> - -<p>Thus, by guarding honours, or by keeping four -cards to a ten or nine, a trick is often won, or the -establishment of an adverse suit prevented. It was -this point, indeed, which first led us to condemn the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span> -invariable discard of the weak suit; the remark was -frequently made, “I was obliged to deceive you then, -partner, and to throw my long suit in order to keep -my king guarded in another suit.” This, of course, -when the game was in danger.</p> - -<p>Honours in weak suits may be freely unguarded by -the players who have strong trump hands, but the -guards should be religiously preserved by those who -are weak. Our discussions resulted in our laying -down the following rules for our own guidance, viz., -<i>when you see from the fall of the cards that there is no -probability of bringing in your own or your partner’s -long suit, discard originally from your best protected suit</i>. -This I may call the foundation of the modern system -of discarding; it has been adopted by all the best -players with whom I am acquainted.</p> - -<p>For the sake of having a short and easily remembered -rule, however, it is the fashion to say, “Discard -originally from your strong suit when the adversaries -lead trumps.”<a name="FNanchor_27_27" id="FNanchor_27_27"></a><a href="#Footnote_27_27" class="fnanchor">[27]</a> “No doubt you will be right in your -discard in most cases, but this aphorism does not -truly express the conditions.” (Query, then why use<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span> -it?).... “The conclusion I have arrived at -is that the modern system of discarding requires so -much judgment in its application as to be rather a -stumbling-block than an assistance to the ordinary -run of players,”—rough on the neophyte!—“This is -a pity, as there can be no doubt but that the classing -of discards into ordinary and forced is sound in principle, -and adds beauty to the game. I have been -prompted to write this letter in the hopes of seeing -this classification more generally adopted, and its -limitations more distinctly observed and acted on.”—<i>Cavendish.</i></p> - -<p>I have met with the same conclusion and the same -regret in a metrical form: it is short, and may be -useful to any of you troubled with bad memories:</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“If seven maids, with seven mops,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Swept it for half-a-year,</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Do you suppose,” the walrus said,</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">“That they could get it clear?”</span></div> -<div class="verse">“<i>I doubt it</i>,” said the carpenter,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 1.5em;"><i>And shed a bitter tear</i>.</span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<div class="center">————</div> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span></p> - -<h3><i>Resumption of <a href="#Footnote_24_24">Note C</a>, <a href="#Page_36">page 36</a>.</i></h3> - -<div class="center">——</div> - -<h4><span class="smcap">Playing for Amusement.</span></h4> - -<p>If this principle were carried out to its logical -result, and everybody played for amusement in the -ludicrous sense in which this word is generally understood, -it is manifest that—as no one would ever see -either a card led or played, or know what suit was -trumps—it would be useless continuing to ask each -other for information on those abstruse points; and -unless, by some alteration in the laws of whist, an -intelligence department outside the table were -provided to supplement the precarious knowledge -acquired by looking at the last trick, the game would -shortly collapse from its innate absurdity; unfortunately -we seldom arrive at this point; what usually -takes place is this:</p> - -<p>Four people sit down nominally to play whist, when -suddenly one of them announces, to the consternation -of his partner, that he is not there with any such intention, -but solely for his own amusement; he -altogether ignores the possibility of the others wishing -to play whist for their amusement, and lays down -his stale proposition with such an air of originality -that he often deludes the unwary bystander into the -belief that he is somehow superhuman, and much -superior to the other three, who are consequently<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span> -looked down upon as mean and sordid individuals; -this is not the case. If yelling when he is trodden -upon, and crying if he loses, are proofs of humanity, -he is essentially human.</p> - -<p>Now, no one has the slightest objection to your -amusing yourself as long as you do not annoy anybody -else. I go further than this, and admit your -abstract right to amuse yourself at your partner’s -expense, but I protest against your expecting him to -rejoice with you in his own discomfiture.</p> - -<p>Because eels are accustomed to being skinned, it -does not at all follow that they should like it—at any -rate, whether they do so or not, it is not expected of -them.</p> - -<p>Again, the practice of vivisection may be both -amusing and instructive to the vivisector, while it -may be neither the one nor the other to his victim. -Though I have no practical acquaintance with this -pursuit, I have often seen large portraits of the vivisectee -pasted on hoardings, and judging from the -expression of his countenance, and the uncomfortable -position in which he is always depicted, I should -imagine that the entire proceedings were supremely -distasteful to him.</p> - -<p>From the time when Cain was short-coated, and -tipcats, pea-shooters, catapults, and other instruments -of torture appeared on the scene, there have been -peculiar ideas of amusement. Fortunately—with the -exception of your doting mammas—public opinion<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span> -has been against you. A gentleman found in the -street with a tipcat embedded in his eye is usually -conducted to the nearest chemist, and the malefactor -given in charge. (The crafty Ulysses, before he performed -a very similar operation on Polyphemus, made -every preparation to escape from the room as soon as -it was over, and took uncommonly good care not to -originate the now trite witticism, “there you go with -your eye out,” till he was well beyond his reach. He -was far too intelligent a man to expect the Cyclops to -take it pleasantly.) But if this occurs at Whist, and -the victim even hints an objection, he is looked upon -as a bear, and sometimes the verdict is “served him -right,” while at other times he seems to be expected -to “rub it in.” There I draw the line; annoy your -partner as much as you like, but don’t expect that! -It is contrary to nature; still, while fully and freely -admitting your right of annoying, and also your -right to throw away your own property if you please, -you are not privileged to treat your partner’s in the -same way. This borders closely on theft, and before -taking such a liberty, in order to be on the safe side, -I think you ought first to obtain his consent in -writing. It is all very well for Shakespeare to call -his purse trash (he knew the contents of it, and his -description may have been most accurate), but whether -things are trash or not, if they don’t belong to you, -you must not make away with them (as the poet himself -experienced when he took to deer-stealing), and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span> -unless you wish, like him, to fall into the clutches of -the criminal law, you had better take Captain Cuttle’s -advice, and overhaul your catechism, with special -reference to your duty to your neighbour. You will -find it a safer guide.</p> - -<p>I ought to apologise for the length of this note, -but I have suffered myself, and although I never -killed an albatross, and am by nature most inoffensive,</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“Since then at an uncertain hour</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">That agony returns,</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">And till my ghastly tale is told</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">The heart within me burns.”</span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 143px;"> -<img src="images/i-057.jpg" width="143" height="109" alt="decoration" /> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 582px;"> -<img src="images/i-013.jpg" width="582" height="103" alt="decoration" /> -</div> - - - -<h2>LECTURE V.<br /> - -——<br /> - -<small>THE DISCARD FROM THE <i>STRONGEST</i> SUIT.</small><br /> - -——</h2> - -<div class="blockquot"> - -<p>“Monstrum horrendum, informe, ingens, cui lumen -ademptum.”—<i>Eton Grammar.</i></p></div> - - -<h3><span class="smcap">Part I.</span></h3> - -<p class="drop-cap"><span class="smcap">The</span> last lecture went thoroughly into the forced -discard and, after looking at it in every possible -light, left it exactly at the point where it was left by -Mathews nearly a hundred years ago: “<span class="smcap">If weak in -trumps, keep guard on your adversary’s suits. -If strong, throw away from them and discard -as much as possible from your partner’s strong -suits in either case.</span>”</p> - -<p>Here I should gladly have let the matter rest—as -the boy said when he saw the wild cat. It is a -thorny subject; but the New Man will not permit it.</p> - -<p>“<i>The Decline and Fall of Whist</i>” contains a view of -him and his game, which is very widely entertained -in this country, and though it may or may not be a -better game, it is not Whist in the English sense of -the word.</p> - -<p>Our subject being the Whist or Bumblepuppy of -our native land, the invariable lead of the longest suit,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span> -fourth-bests, eleven rule, American leads, and all the -subsequent proceedings have no more interest for the -British school-boy wishing to learn Whist than they -had for Abner Dean of Angels on a well-known -occasion.</p> - -<p>To give the American Whist-players their due, I -am bound to admit that, in addition to their having -devised a new set of leads, new play of second and -third hand, a new mode of scoring, and having done -away with the honours—greatly to their credit for -common sense and intelligence; their idea of our -modern forced discard is: “It is a curious notion that -an original discard should always be from the strongest -suit” (<i>A Practical Guide to Whist, by Fisher Ames</i>), -and also they have compiled a new code of laws -which is an enormous improvement upon the singular -jumble of laws, definitions, and arbitrary decisions -under which we impotently writhe.</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“On ashes, husks, and air we feed,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">And spend our little all in vain.”—<i>Wesley.</i></span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p>Law 37 of their code runs as follows: “When a -trick is turned and quitted it must not be seen again -until the hand has been played. A violation of this -law subjects the offending side to the same penalty as -a lead out of turn.”</p> - -<p>They may have been driven to abolish our <a href="#Law_91">Law 91</a> -in order to make the intricacies of their game humanly -possible, still, “for this relief much thanks.”</p> - -<p>Considering the cheapness of freight, and that<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span> -there is no import duty, why Law 37 has not been -introduced into this country is one of the greatest -mysteries of the end of the nineteenth century.</p> - -<p>We are flooded with all the other American Whist -innovations, and the key of the position is conspicuous -by its absence.</p> - -<p>“Why should English Whist-men retain an antiquated, -ill-constructed and ambiguous code, when -they have in the code of the American Whist League -laws as free from such defects as human ingenuity -can devise?”—<i>Whist.</i> And echo answers, Why?</p> - -<p>But to return to our muttons. On one point it is -incumbent to make a stand. If the New Man had -only been satisfied to concentrate his mischievous -attentions on his New Game, we might have agreed -to differ and gone our several ways in peace and -harmony: <i>dis aliter visum</i>. Unfortunately, “in his -craze for uniformity,” he has tampered with the -forced discard, which is our common grazing ground, -and has deluded himself and the whole of Bumblepuppydom -into a wild and erroneous belief that the -first discard—when unable to follow suit to an adverse -trump lead—is <i>always</i> the suit he wants led.</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 4em;">“In all the fabric</span></div> -<div class="verse">You shall not see one stone or a brick,</div> -<div class="verse">But all of wood.”</div> -</div> -</div> - -<p>Now, I have dealt myself innumerable hands—it is -a favourite amusement of mine when I have a little -spare time—and taking the shortest and weakest suit<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span> -for trumps, have carefully calculated how often I -could discard a suit I wanted led; how often I should -feel justified in dictating to my partner to make me -third player in it. It comes out well under fifty per -cent.</p> - -<p>Hands of this kind are constantly turning up.</p> - -<p>Diamonds (trumps)—9, 7.</p> - -<p>Hearts—Kg., Qn., 3.</p> - -<p>Spades—Qn., Kn., 9.</p> - -<p>Clubs—10, 8, 6, 3, 2.</p> - -<p>Here I must discard a club, but I don’t necessarily -want it led.</p> - -<p>Diamonds (trumps)—Qn. and another.</p> - -<p>Hearts—Kn. and three small ones.</p> - -<p>Spades—Kn. and three small ones.</p> - -<p>Clubs—Three small ones.</p> - -<p>As I am not going to unguard either of these -knaves, again I discard a club, and again I don’t -want to dictate to my partner to lead it, and so <i>ad -infinitum</i>.</p> - -<p>The simple faith that, whenever the adversary leads -trumps, you are bound to hold a strong suit, may be -better than Norman blood. If it is, it only tends to -prove of how singularly little value that fluid may be.</p> - -<p>Therefore, in my own case, this is the way the rule -works out: “When we are in a very tight place, and -trumps are declared against us, my first discard -<i>always</i> shows clearly the suit I want led;” only, in more -than half the instances, it does nothing of the kind.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span></p> - -<p>This is a pretty sort of universal rule. Whatever -view you may take of it, it scarcely comes up to my -idea of a sheet anchor.</p> - -<div class="quote"> -“<i>Lex non cogit ad impossibilia.</i>”<br /><br /> -</div> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“Kind Fortune, come, my woes assuage,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Bend down and mark a modern moan,</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">And bear me through the golden age,</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Through age of iron, bronze, and stone;</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Back, back, before the men with tails,</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">A million years before the flood;</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">To where the search of science fails,</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">And leave me happy in the mud.”</span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p>But if I prefer to wallow there, don’t let me thrust -my opinions on you—you may object to mud; your -cards may be better than mine; judge for yourselves! -Deal a few hands, and if you find once in five times, -or once in ten times, that the rule won’t work, then -you have this formula for your guidance: “We -always discard from the suit we want led, <i>except when -we have no such suit</i>,” and mind this, the first time -you fail, all the fat is in the fire; there is no retreat. -When once you cast judgment and common-sense to -the four winds of heaven, and submit yourselves body -and soul to the rule of thumb—and such a thumb!—you -cannot play fast and loose with it; you must take -it for “all in all, or not at all.” Like a wife, which -you may have some day, you take it for better or -worse, till death do you part; and this is all worse; -it is an utterly unworkable arrangement,</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“That, like a wen, looks big and swells,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Is senseless, and just nothing else.”</span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span></p> - -<p>If you are to have an <i>always</i> in this most intricate -and difficult affair (<i>which I strongly deprecate</i>), and -are unable to sit comfortably at a whist-table without -a crutch of some kind to lean upon—and this in such -a position seems uncalled for—you will find discarding -from your <i>longest</i> suit a safer plan, though this is not -always available. Why cannot you leave good old -<i>best-guarded</i> alone?</p> - -<p>After all I have said, should you still persist in -running your heads against “strongest” and “the -suit I want led,” these lines of Moore undoubtedly -“touch the spot”—</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 6em;">“Behold your Light, your Star—</span></div> -<div class="verse">“Ye <i>would</i> be dupes and victims, and ye <i>are</i>!”</div> -</div> -</div> - -<div class="center">——</div> - -<h3><span class="smcap">Part II.</span></h3> - -<div class="quote">“Post tenebras lux.”—<i>Pintsch.</i></div> - -<p class="drop-cap"><span class="smcap">There</span> is one method of forced discarding which -is often extremely useful; it is simple to a -degree and always practicable; it has been in use -for some years, and is approved of by all the good -whist-players I have ever come across.</p> - -<p>If you have a really strong suit to discard from—a -suit that you <i>can</i> order your partner to lead you—<i>signal -in it</i>, and throw away the highest card you -safely dare.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span></p> - -<p>This was first brought to my notice by Mr. Proctor, -and—like Newton’s apple, Columbus’s egg, and many -other great discoveries—is almost obtrusively obvious -when it is once pointed out.</p> - -<p>It is no new invention, for it has been the well-known -practice of whist from primæval times.</p> - -<p>Possibly known in the cave of Neanderthal.</p> - -<p>Its inhabitants, when they had a really powerful -suit, discarded an unnecessarily high card. With a -quint major, they discarded the ace; with a quart to -a king, they discarded the king, and so forth.</p> - -<p>Here is a declaration of absolute strength at the -very moment it is required; no uncertainty as to -whether it is a protective discard, or mere length; it -is also flexible,<a name="FNanchor_28_28" id="FNanchor_28_28"></a><a href="#Footnote_28_28" class="fnanchor">[28]</a> for you can use your own judgment; -give the information; conceal it for a time if you -think fit, or withhold it altogether.</p> - -<p>Minor details—such as that when only one discard -is available, a high card would in all probability -indicate strength, while a low one (though it might -indicate length) would do nothing of the kind,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span> -but rather the opposite; and its use under many -circumstances, even when your partner is leading -trumps—if not at once obvious to your own unassisted -intelligence, are better left to the professional -development-mongers.</p> - -<p>Having a rooted antipathy to formulating an interminable -series of minute regulations for exceptional -cases, a practice which has done irreparable injury -to whist, far be it from me to trench upon their -preserve.</p> - -<p>The convention I have shown to be venerable, and -I believe it to be perfectly legitimate.</p> - -<p>Here I begin to tread upon delicate ground, for -though whist is entirely made up of conventions, -many different views are held as to what a convention -is (see note page 60), and when it is and is not -legitimate.</p> - -<p>Between the Albert Club and the Bloomsbury back -parlour there is a great gulf fixed—</p> - -<div class="quote"> -“<i>Virginibus puerisque canto</i>,” -</div> - -<p class="unindent">and it would be a life-long regret to me if I seduced -them from the paths of rectitude.</p> - -<p>Still, for practical purposes, I should imagine that -a mode of play which is known, or open to be known -by all players, and which contravenes neither the -laws nor the etiquette of whist, fulfils all the necessary -conditions; at all events, it satisfies my moral sense.</p> - -<p>If, in addition, it is conducive to trick making,—as -it undoubtedly is—I hail it with effusion.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span></p> - -<p>With innumerable treatises; treatises on developments, -on counting number, on exceptional play; -treatises philosophical and treatises mathematical; -with exercises in simple addition; with arrangements -for exorcising superfluous winning cards as elaborate -as if winning cards were enemies of the human race, -and a direct emanation from the evil one, the time -has arrived, if possible, to import a little common-sense -into the game, and to make an effort to win an -occasional trick.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 171px;"> -<img src="images/i-037.jpg" width="171" height="70" alt="decoration" /> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 582px;"> -<img src="images/i-013.jpg" width="582" height="103" alt="decoration" /> -</div> - - - - -<h2>LECTURE VI.<br /> - -——<br /> - -<small>THE ELEVEN RULE (<i>by desire</i>).</small><br /> - -——</h2> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“Three wise men of Gotham</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Went to sea in a bowl;</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">If the bowl had been stronger</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">My tale had been longer.”</span></div> -</div> -</div> - - -<p class="drop-cap"><span class="smcap">This</span> lecture, though quite irrelevant, is given to -gratify the curiosity of many youthful enquirers.</p> - -<p>The eleven rule (which only applies to American -leads) is simply this: that, if under favourable -circumstances, you add certain integers together -and the result should be eleven, then you shall see -what you shall see. (It can scarcely be called a -novelty, for it seems to have been well known to -Virgil,</p> - -<div class="quote"> -“Magnus ab integro sœclorum nascitur ordo.”) -</div> - -<p>Bearing this cardinal fact firmly in mind, supposing -a deuce is led—and it is <i>ex rei necessitate</i> a fourth -best; this is the favourable circumstance just referred -to—then, if you hold nine higher cards of the suit, -you add nine to the pips on the deuce, and if you add -it correctly and it comes to eleven, you play the -lowest of your superior cards, and (with the proviso -the suit is trumps) win the trick.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span></p> - -<p>Though it is scarcely an epoch-making discovery,<a name="FNanchor_29_29" id="FNanchor_29_29"></a><a href="#Footnote_29_29" class="fnanchor">[29]</a> -still it is true, and that in these days of the new -journalism is something to be thankful for.</p> - -<p>There is one example of this rule in the “Field” -which is to me a source of perennial joy.</p> - -<p>The second player who holds the ace, the king, the -queen, the knave, and the eight of hearts, to his own -enquiry which card he ought to play on the six led, -replies, “I say the eight!”</p> - -<p>Now, though certainly 6 + 5 = 11, and the rule—as -I have already admitted—is true, this play does not -commend itself to my intelligence, and I should -advise you not to trouble your youthful brains about -the later rounds of a plain suit—when the leader, to -your own certain knowledge, has from four to eight, -and you yourself follow holding five, including a quart -major. If you win the first four tricks in it, you -will do as much as you can reasonably expect, and -will have done enough for glory.</p> - -<p><i>O sancta simplicitas!</i> That eight, so innocently -stepping to the front, has done more to reconcile me<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span> -to human nature than anything that was ever done -by Jonas Chuzzlewit.</p> - -<p>May it continue to retain its evergreen faith unspotted -of the world!</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“May no ill dreams disturb its rest,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">No deeds of darkness it molest,”</span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="unindent">and that it may never be rudely awakened to find a -serpent in its Eden, and the harmless looking six a -singleton, is my fervent prayer.</p> - -<p>I have mentioned that this kind of thing is not -whist as played in this country, and it is by no means -certain it will long be the whist of any country; for -I hear that in the American Whist Club of Boston, -“they have now quite chucked the American leads,” -and one of the later Cavendishes has propounded this -singular view; “I have the craze for giving information -in such an acute form that I should like to be -allowed to show my whole hand to the whole table -before the first lead, on the condition that my cards -are not to be called.” I presume all the hands must -be exposed, otherwise this is merely an offer to back<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span> -his partner against his two opponents at single -dummy, and there is nothing particularly sporting -in that.</p> - -<p>If, then, this doctrine and position is a rule of faith -and not merely a pious opinion—and pious opinions -have a nasty knack of becoming extended into -principles—the devotees of the new game will, it is -to be hoped, at once relegate its uninviting literature -to the nearest dust-bin, and all with one accord, in -pairs (like the wooden animals in your Noah’s ark), -betake themselves to double-dummy; where, happily, -elaborate schedules of leads are not required; where -extensions of principle are unknown, and where -“faith is lost in sight.”</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 164px;"> -<img src="images/i-043.jpg" width="164" height="67" alt="decoration" /> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 582px;"> -<img src="images/i-013.jpg" width="582" height="103" alt="decoration" /> -</div> - - - - -<h2>LECTURE VII.<br /> - -——<br /> - -<small>THE PETER AND ITS PECULIARITIES.</small><br /> - -——</h2> - -<div class="quote"> -“Petrus nimium admiratur se.”—<i>Eton Grammar.</i><br /> -<br /> -“The base vulgar do call.”—<i>Shakespeare.</i> -</div> - - -<p class="drop-cap"><span class="smcap">Some</span> years ago a simple piece of mechanism, to -which somehow or other very undue importance -has been attached, was introduced to the Whist -world; you play a higher card before a lower one—unnecessarily—to -indicate that you hold good trumps, -and <i>want them out</i>.<a name="FNanchor_30_30" id="FNanchor_30_30"></a><a href="#Footnote_30_30" class="fnanchor">[30]</a></p> - -<p>You can want this for two reasons:</p> - -<p>(1) Because you have the seven best trumps. There -is no objection to your signalling here, though it is -quite uncalled for; if you have the game in your own -hand, you can either lead the lowest but two of six, -stand on your head, or execute any other—what it is -the odd fashion to call—convention the authority of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span> -the day may think fit to invent, as long as you do not -come into collision with law 5.<a name="FNanchor_31_31" id="FNanchor_31_31"></a><a href="#Footnote_31_31" class="fnanchor">[31]</a></p> - -<p>(2) Because you have a good trump hand, and the -fall of the cards shows that unless you get them -out, your winning cards or your partner’s will be -ruffed. Here is a good legitimate reason, but when -everything is going nicely, and your partner making -the tricks, that you should interfere with this merely -because you have five trumps—or nine for the matter -of that—is the height of absurdity. It may be an interesting -fact for him to know, on the second round -of a plain suit, that you hold five trumps, just as there -are numerous other interesting facts which he may<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span> -also ascertain at the same time, <i>e.g.</i>, that you have led -a singleton, that you hold no honour in your own -suit, and so on, but none of them justifies him in -ruining his own hand and devoting his best trump to -destruction.</p> - -<p>You ought to understand the signaller to say, “Get -the lead at any cost the first moment you can, play -your highest trump, and you shall see something -remarkable.”<a name="FNanchor_32_32" id="FNanchor_32_32"></a><a href="#Footnote_32_32" class="fnanchor">[32]</a></p> - -<p>This is rather a large order, and when you find as -the result of your best attempts to execute it, that -that promised something is not uncommonly the loss -of the rubber, though it will be a shock to you at first, -you will soon get accustomed to it.</p> - -<p>It is even a dangerous practice to signal when the -adversaries will most likely have the lead on its completion; -they at once adapt their play to the circumstances. -I have seen innumerable games of whist -not won, and many a game lost, by absurd signalling; -still Whist players suffering from Peter on the brain -constantly refuse to ruff a winning card in order to -disclose a signal in the discard. If they wanted<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span> -trumps led, it occurs to the ordinary mind that the -simplest plan would be to win the trick and lead -them, and as they decline to do so, the only conclusion -is that they regard signalling for the mere sake of -signalling to be in itself so noble an end that, to -attain it, it is worth while to announce to their -opponents that they had better save the game at once, -and at the same time to present them with at least -one trick towards it.<a name="FNanchor_33_33" id="FNanchor_33_33"></a><a href="#Footnote_33_33" class="fnanchor">[33]</a></p> - -<div class="quote"> -“O scenes surpassing fable, and yet true.”<br /> -“By Heaven! he echoes.”—<i>Othello.</i><br /> -</div> - -<p>If you only want the odd trick, signalling is about -the safest way to miss it. Any two decent players -would, in a vast majority of cases, get on exactly as<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span> -well if the Peter had never been invented, while two -bad players—assuming they can possibly miss the -game with all the trumps—generally do so by its -assistance.<a name="FNanchor_34_34" id="FNanchor_34_34"></a><a href="#Footnote_34_34" class="fnanchor">[34]</a> Where it would be useful is when, with -moderate strength in trumps, and the cards declared -in your favour, you want trumps led at all hazards. -Unfortunately, if at such a crisis as this, your partner -is not equal to leading them without a call, he is certain -not to see it, although he is missing all the other -points of the game in what he calls looking for it. -This looking for a Peter is an oddly-named and -peculiar form of amusement appertaining not only -to Bumblepuppy, but also to Whist. Among all -those people who have attended the University Boat -Race during the last half-century, I apprehend not -one went to look for it, they went to see it, and just -as you would see that race, so you should see the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span> -signal. Never look <i>for</i> it! look <i>at</i> it! It is just as -obvious as any other circumstance that occurs in -the play; instead of this, after much looking, it is -generally overlooked altogether.</p> - -<div class="quote"> -Spectatum veniunt, veniunt spectentur ut ipsæ. -</div> - -<p>They come to look, and end by making spectacles -of themselves.<a name="FNanchor_35_35" id="FNanchor_35_35"></a><a href="#Footnote_35_35" class="fnanchor">[35]</a></p> - -<p>If you must look for it, at any rate don’t look for it -in the last trick; you would scarcely look for the -Boat Race as you were going to church the next day. -Still, Cowper—though he clearly disapproves of the -signal and calls it senseless—seems, if he is to be -annoyed with it, to advocate this—</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“’Tis well if look’d for at so late a day</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">In the last scene of such a senseless play.”</span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="unindent">What the signal for trumps ought to be, and what -strength in trumps justifies a signal are clearly laid -down by Clay.</p> - -<p>If you see a call and hold the ace and any number -of trumps, play the ace—there can be no danger of -dropping your partner’s king—and if you had originally -more than three, continue with the lowest; but -if you are quite sure that leading trumps is the only -way to miss or lose the game, don’t lead them at all.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[65]</a></span> -Often as, in obedience to my partner’s call, I slam in -an ace and play my best trump, Elaine’s despairing -cry rises to my lips,—</p> - -<div class="quote"> -“Call and I follow, I follow, let me die.” -</div> - -<p class="unindent">This important fact is too much lost sight of: that -the object of Whist is not so much to lead the lowest -but one of five, or to signal, as to win the game; -these and other fads may or may not be means to that -end, but the end itself they emphatically are not; in -their inception, at any rate, they were intended to be -your instruments. Don’t let this position be reversed; -whether, like fire, they are always good servants may -be open to argument, but their resemblance in the -other respect is perfect.</p> - -<p>One aspect of signalling has been overlooked in all -the treatises on Whist. I have seen a player of great -common-sense and acute observation signal having -three small trumps and a short suit, and by this -means induce his watchful opponents to force him -to make them all. I do not recommend such devious -courses to you, even if they are lawful in a Christian -country (of which I have doubts); they are only practicable -when you are playing very good Whist, and -this, as Clay says, can only be the case when you -thoroughly know your men.</p> - -<p>Hair-splitting about the legitimacy of the Peter is -beyond the scope of these remarks; what is lawful is -not necessarily expedient: this the Apostle Paul -pointed out, long before either the foundations of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[66]</a></span> -New Orleans were laid, or Columbus discovered -America; but when Professor Pole—who appears to -have been acquainted with the present mode of signalling -for forty years (<i>Fortnightly Review</i>, April, -1879), and for nine has advised <i>learners</i> with five -trumps <i>always</i> to ask for them (<i>Theory of Whist</i>, page -65)—begins at this eleventh hour to find fault with the -practice, and to have his suspicions that it is immoral; -this is the Gracchi complaining of sedition with a -vengeance.</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“A merciful Providence fashioned him holler,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">A purpose that he might his principles swaller.”</span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p>In this year of grace, good players have long known -that signalling is by no means an unmixed benefit, -but rather an edge-tool dangerous to play with,<a name="FNanchor_36_36" id="FNanchor_36_36"></a><a href="#Footnote_36_36" class="fnanchor">[36]</a> -while it has been so long rampant that it has permeated -the very lowest strata. If at such a time as -this—when all the tenth-rate Whist players in -Christendom and Jewry not only think they know -all about it, and consider it in itself the quintessence of -science, when many of them by constant practice -have actually acquired such skill that their hesitation -in playing first a ten and then a deuce is sometimes -scarcely perceptible—the professor imagines that any -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[67]</a></span> -words of his can put a stop to it, his courage is only -equalled by that of the well-known Mrs. Partington -with her mop. A child may start an avalanche; but -once started it runs its appointed course, and in one -respect it is preferable—it is sooner over—for there is -no instance recorded in history of an avalanche keeping -on for forty years.</p> - -<p>In bumblepuppy the proceedings are so complicated -and peculiar, they must be seen to be appreciated; -but there are five common forms you should -be acquainted with.</p> - -<p>(1) After you have had a lead or two and got rid -of your winning cards, you can begin signalling for -somebody to lead a trump;<a name="FNanchor_37_37" id="FNanchor_37_37"></a><a href="#Footnote_37_37" class="fnanchor">[37]</a> if somebody obliges -you, and you win the trick, lead another suit, and -wait till somebody else leads trumps again—continuing -to signal in the intervals.</p> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[68]</a></span></p> -<p>(2) You can signal in your own lead, and I don’t -know that there is any objection to your expecting -that your partner will attend to it—assuming he ever -comprehends what you are driving at.</p> - -<p>(3) You can signal without any trump at all.</p> - -<p>(4) You can signal without intending to do so.</p> - -<p>(5) If by any odd chance there should be no signal -about, you can imagine there is and act accordingly.</p> - -<p>To obviate the evident disadvantages and mutual -recrimination which might ensue from such vagaries, -if you really intend to signal, it is usual to take the -following precautions:</p> - -<p>(1) Always signal with your highest card.</p> - -<p>(2) Pause before you play it.</p> - -<p>(3) Put it down not only with emphasis, but in a -special corner of the table mutually agreed upon -beforehand. (Note,<a href="#Footnote_30_30" class="fnanchor">[30]</a> <a href="#Page_59">page 59</a>.)</p> - -<p>(4) As soon as the trick is turned, ask to see it. -(See <a href="#Footnote_59_59">note</a> to <a href="#Law_91">Law 91</a>).</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“Why the wicked should do so,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">We neither know, nor care to do.”</span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 115px;"> -<img src="images/i-080.jpg" width="115" height="81" alt="decoration leaves" /> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[69]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 582px;"> -<img src="images/i-013.jpg" width="582" height="103" alt="decoration" /> -</div> - - -<h2>LECTURE VIII.<br /> - -——<br /> - -<small>FALSE CARDS, LOGIC, LUCK.</small><br /> - -——</h2> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“And shall we turn our fangs and claws</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Upon our own selves without cause,</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">For what design, what interest,</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Can beast have to encounter beast?”—<i>Hudibras.</i></span></div> -</div> -</div> - - -<p class="drop-cap"><span class="smcap">There</span> are three kinds of false cards—</p> - -<p>(1) Those that deceive everybody;</p> - -<p>(2) Those that deceive your opponents only;</p> - -<p>(3) Those that deceive your partner only; and a -sparing use of the two first—especially towards the -end of a hand—is often advantageous;<a name="FNanchor_38_38" id="FNanchor_38_38"></a><a href="#Footnote_38_38" class="fnanchor">[38]</a> but in -playing cards that deceive everybody, you must be -prepared to take entire charge of the game yourself, -or you will probably have your conduct referred to -afterwards. The third is sacred to bumblepuppy.</p> - -<p>One thing is very certain, that the original leader -is never justified in playing a false card.</p> - -<p>Clay’s conclusion does not altogether harmonize -with his premises—a very unusual circumstance with<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[70]</a></span> -him—for after objecting strongly to false cards on -high moral grounds, and prefacing his remarks by -the expression of a touching belief that in no other -position of life would anybody tell him what is -untrue, he ultimately arrives at the delicious <i>non -sequitur</i>, that if your partner is very bad, or holds -miserably weak cards, or towards the end of a hand, -you may often play a false card with advantage: -why you should do what you know to be wrong, -because another person is bad, or weak, or because -you hold four cards and not thirteen, or even because -such nefarious conduct may benefit yourself, he does -not explain, and in default of that explanation he -appears stronger as a whist player than a moralist. -But the logic of whist is a thing <i>per se</i>, utterly -dissimilar to any known form of argument;<a name="FNanchor_39_39" id="FNanchor_39_39"></a><a href="#Footnote_39_39" class="fnanchor">[39]</a> it finds -vent in such syllogisms as “You ought to have -known I had all the spades, I led a diamond,” or, -“I must have the entire suit of clubs, I discarded -the deuce;” though the usual reply is “the deuce -you did,” this is merely paltering with a serious -subject; the only effective argument is to throw<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[71]</a></span> -something at the speaker’s head—<i>the argumentum ad -hominem</i>—(of course this would create more or less -unpleasantness at first, but the speaker would soon -find his level, if you hit him hard enough) “unfortunately -this discipline by which such persons were -put to open penance and punished in this world—that -others admonished by their example might be -afraid to offend”—has fallen into desuetude; until -the said discipline be restored again, which—although -it is much to be wished<a name="FNanchor_40_40" id="FNanchor_40_40"></a><a href="#Footnote_40_40" class="fnanchor">[40]</a>—can never be -until the present reprehensible practice of screwing -candle-sticks, match-boxes, and all reasonable missiles -into the table be done away with, you have two -courses open to you:</p> - -<p>(1) You can give an evasive answer;<a name="FNanchor_41_41" id="FNanchor_41_41"></a><a href="#Footnote_41_41" class="fnanchor">[41]</a></p> - -<p>(2) You can pretend to be deaf; this is a capital<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[72]</a></span> -plan, as it gives you the option either of being -unaware anybody spoke, or of totally misunderstanding -him.<a name="FNanchor_42_42" id="FNanchor_42_42"></a><a href="#Footnote_42_42" class="fnanchor">[42]</a> There is an utter inability to see that -any question can possibly have two sides, evidenced -by such remarks as “My finesse was justifiable, yours -was bad play.”<a name="FNanchor_43_43" id="FNanchor_43_43"></a><a href="#Footnote_43_43" class="fnanchor">[43]</a> The two prepositions, post and -propter, are constantly mistaken for one another—it -seems to be thought that because they both govern -the accusative case, their meaning is identical, or, to -speak more correctly, convertible.</p> - -<p>But you must be prepared to contend against -other things besides false cards and curious logic; -there is a fiend often reported to be present in the -card-room, known by the name of “Luck,” and you -ought to be acquainted with two of the common -stratagems for circumventing him; it is by no means -unusual to see two obese elderly persons—who have -just lost a rubber by revoking, ruffing each other’s -winning cards with the thirteenth trumps, forgetting -to score honours <i>et id genus omne</i>—after first roundly -anathematizing this malefic spirit, taking precautions<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[73]</a></span> -against such things happening again by slowly and -painfully rising from their respective chairs, and at -great personal inconvenience, changing places with -each other; this is one way; another is to throw -away several additional shillings in the purchase of -new cards; turning your chair round and sitting -down again is also supposed to have an emollient -tendency.</p> - -<p>That there is such a thing—though stupidity is -often mistaken for it—is, to my mind, as undoubted -as that there are birds; but whether one or the other -is to be caught by putting salt on its tail—without -taking other precautions—must be left to that right -of private judgment already mentioned. (Page 34.)</p> - -<p>It is true the Swan of Avon sings—</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Which we ascribe to Heaven,”</span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="unindent">but he was only a literary person, not a whist player; -and if a careful exercise of your judgment satisfies -you that either calling (and paying) for new cards, -or wearing out the seats of your knickerbockers by -dodging from chair to chair, is a specific for want -of memory and attention, so let it be: whatever -conclusion you arrive at, it is your duty to respect -your seniors.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[74]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 582px;"> -<img src="images/i-013.jpg" width="582" height="103" alt="decoration" /> -</div> - - - - -<h2>LECTURE IX.<br /> - -——<br /> - -<small>WHIST AS AN INVESTMENT.</small><br /> - -——</h2> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“None alive can truly tell</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">What fortune they must see.”—<i>Sedley.</i></span></div> -</div> -</div> - - -<p class="drop-cap"><span class="smcap">In</span> “the Art of practical Whist” you will see capital -invested in Whist compared to consols; don’t run -away with the idea that there is any such resemblance; -those numerous foreign <i>securities</i> or limited companies -nearer home where you receive no interest and lose -your principal—or those public conveyances suggested -by the elder Mr. Weller—would be much -closer analogues.</p> - -<p>Whist is not a certainty; neither is it true that you -will every year find your account exactly square on -the thirty-first of December—it is a popular fallacy -devised by those who win, to keep the losers in good -spirits.</p> - -<div class="quote"> -“Maxima vis est phantasiæ.”</div> - -<p>An old friend of mine—veracious as men go, and -always considered of fairly sound mind and free -from delusions, though a very inferior whist-player—has -often assured me that he won over three -thousand points for three years running (close on<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[75]</a></span> -ten thousand in the aggregate); if this statement is -correct, and I have no reason to doubt it—I often -played with him, and he almost invariably won—it -is manifest that, after paying for the cards, some of -us when we called at the bank for our dividends, -must have had to go empty away.</p> - -<p>I have played whist—club, domestic, or bumblepuppy—pretty -regularly for a quarter of a century, -and the only conclusion I have arrived at so far, is -the very vague one that I shall either win or lose—I -don’t know at all which—for five years in succession, -or multiples of five.</p> - -<p>For the first ten years I won considerably, for the -next five I lost considerably, then for another five I -won slightly, and the last five (I am thankful to say -I am now getting well into the fifth) I have lost -again.<a name="FNanchor_44_44" id="FNanchor_44_44"></a><a href="#Footnote_44_44" class="fnanchor">[44]</a></p> - -<p>I have no doubt things equalise themselves in the -long run, the difficulty is that I am unable to give -you any idea, even approximately, what the duration -of a long run is.<a name="FNanchor_45_45" id="FNanchor_45_45"></a><a href="#Footnote_45_45" class="fnanchor">[45]</a></p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[76]</a></span></p> - -<p>During a part of that first period, extending over -a year and a quarter, I played long whist—five points -to the bumper—more than fifty times, and never but -once won less than twelve points. If we may believe -Herodotus, in his day the end was not always visible -from the beginning, and so it is now. I have won -rubbers against all the cards, and with all the cards I -have lost them.</p> - -<p>Sometimes I cannot lose a rubber, sometimes I -cannot win one; at one time cards will beat their -makers, at another the makers will beat the cards, -and these results occur without rhyme or reason, in -defiance of any system of play. Don’t imagine for -a moment that I suggest play is of no consequence, -I merely say that you will frequently see the cards or -the players run wild, and that the actual result—winning -or losing—is beyond your own control.</p> - -<div class="quote"> -“In the reproof of chance lies the true proof of man.”—<i>Shakespeare.</i></div> - -<p>I have known twenty-four successive rubbers lost, -and I have won seventeen more than once. I have<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[77]</a></span> -lost nine hundred and thirty points in two months, -and a hundred and fifty-four in two days. I have -lost a bumper in two deals, holding one trump each -hand and with the same partner, the same seats, and -the same cards won the next rubber but one in two -deals, again holding one trump in each hand.</p> - -<p>I have seen a player with no trump and no winning -card lose a treble, and the very next hand, again with -no trump and no winning card—assisted to some -extent by his partner—score nine, and on one melancholy -occasion my partner and myself were unable to -raise a trump between us; as a set-off to this, I ought -to admit that we once held them all.</p> - -<p>Though I have never seen it myself, that the dealer -should give each member of the <i>parti</i> an entire suit -is becoming as common an object of the sea-shore -as our old friend the sea-serpent. Fortunately, -overpowering cards do not always win. A hand of -thirteen trumps has been known to make only one -trick; it occurred in this wise.</p> - -<p>A, B, Y, and Z were playing in a train, and A dealt himself -the whole suit of hearts: Y led the king of spades; -B played the ace; Z followed suit, and A ruffed.</p> - -<p>B, “an arbitrary gent,” ejaculated “Trump my -ace!” at once took up the trick and, with his own -twelve cards, threw the lot out of the window.</p> - -<p>“The rest is silence.”</p> - -<p>I have held three Yarboroughs in two hours (a -Yarborough is a hand containing no card above a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[78]</a></span> -nine), and a hand with no card above a seven at -least twice. There was a hand recently at Surbiton -with no card above a six. With ace, knave, to five -trumps, two kings, and trumps led up to me, I have -lost by five cards, and with queen, knave, 10, 8, 3, 2, -diamonds (trumps), spade king, ace and king of -hearts, ace, king, queen and another club, and the -original lead, I lost the odd trick; and, most incredible -of all, I know a very good player who, on three consecutive -Saturdays, lost an aggregate of over three -hundred points.</p> - -<p>I have played a set match, and, although I never -bet, as I fancied we had a shade the best of the play, -and the other side made the liberal offer of six to -four, it tempted me, I took it and won five rubbers -running. I once cut about the best player I know -six times consecutively. My partner laid six to five -to commence with, and as we won the first game—a -single—he gave five to two, and that was the only -game we won in those six rubbers.</p> - -<p>One of the two finest players I ever met lost -twenty-eight consecutive rubbers; feeling aggrieved -at this ill-treatment he swore off for a fortnight, and -then lost twelve more.</p> - -<p>Busses—not Funds—is much nearer the mark. Irrespective -of the time of day, you can either go to bed -when you have won two rubbers, or when you have -lost them; you can persevere to the bitter end either -when you are winning or when you are losing; you<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[79]</a></span> -can take any of the measures mentioned in the last -lecture, or adopt any other system you please; but -there is one rule with no exception: though no -earthly power can prevent your winning or losing, -the actual amount of that gain or loss always depends -upon yourself and your partner; if you should ever -lose eighty or a hundred points at one sitting, that -deplorable result will never take place without your -active connivance; a trick lost here and a trick -lost there, an exposed card or something of that -kind—the consequence is always intensified when -you are losing—will just make the difference -every now and then between winning and losing a -rubber.</p> - -<p>During the bad forty-eight hours I had when I -lost a hundred and fifty-four points, I was attending -carefully to the play, the cards were abominable, -and, making no allowances for what might have -happened if my partner and I had only been -omniscient, simple little mistakes of the kind just -mentioned accounted for thirty-two of those points.</p> - -<p>If there is such a thing as luck—and I believe -there is—don’t lie down and let it kick you.</p> - -<p>Always play with reasonable care and attention:—if -a thing is worth doing at all, it is worth doing -well—and when you hold cards which you do not -consider quite equal to your deserts, instead of playing -worse on that account—as most people do—take a -little extra care.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[80]</a></span></p> - -<p>If your pocket money gives out, or you feel that -your cards are too bad for endurance, give up playing -altogether; but if you continue to play don’t exacerbate -your misfortunes by your own shortcomings; it -is bad enough to retire to your crib with empty -pockets, without a guilty conscience in addition.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 165px;"> -<img src="images/i-092.jpg" width="165" height="134" alt="decoration flower" /> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[81]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 582px;"> -<img src="images/i-013.jpg" width="582" height="103" alt="decoration" /> -</div> - - - -<h2>LECTURE X.<br /> - -——<br /> - -<small>ON THINGS IN GENERAL.</small><br /> - -——</h2> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“‘The time has come,’ the walrus said,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 1em;">To talk of many things.’”</span></div> -</div> -</div> - - -<p class="drop-cap"><span class="smcap">To</span> become a fair whist-player<a name="FNanchor_46_46" id="FNanchor_46_46"></a><a href="#Footnote_46_46" class="fnanchor">[46]</a> no wonderful -attributes are required; common sense, a small -amount of knowledge—easily acquired—<i>ordinary observation -of facts as they occur</i>, and experience, the -result of that observation—not the experience obtained -by repeating the same idiotic mistakes year after year—are -about all. To save you trouble, the experience -of all the best players for the last hundred years has -been collected into a series of maxims, which you will -find in any whist book. These maxims you should<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[82]</a></span> -know,<a name="FNanchor_47_47" id="FNanchor_47_47"></a><a href="#Footnote_47_47" class="fnanchor">[47]</a> but though you know every maxim that ever -was written, and are “bland, passionate, deeply religious, -and also paint beautifully in water-colours,” -if among your other virtues the power of assimilating -facts as they occur is not included, this will not -avail you in the least.</p> - -<p>Bumblepuppy—according to its own account—demands -much more superfine qualities, <i>e.g.</i>, inspiration, -second-sight, instinct, an intuitive perception of -false cards and singletons, and an intimate acquaintance -with a mysterious and Protean Bogey called -“the Game”—in short everything but reason<a name="FNanchor_48_48" id="FNanchor_48_48"></a><a href="#Footnote_48_48" class="fnanchor">[48]</a>—(all -these fine words, when boiled and peeled, turn out -sometimes to mean ordinary observation, but more -usually gross ignorance). So much for its theory; -its practice is this—</p> - - -<div class="center"><i>Practice of Bumblepuppy.</i></div> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“This is an anti-Christian game,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Unlawful both in thing and name.”—<i>Hudibras.</i></span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p>(1) Lead a singleton whenever you have one.</p> - -<p>(2) With two small trumps and no winning card -lead a trump.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[83]</a></span></p> - -<p>(3) Ruff a suit of which your partner clearly holds -best, if you are weak in trumps.</p> - -<p>(4) Never ruff anything if you are strong.</p> - -<p>(5) Never return your partner’s trump if you can -possibly avoid it, unless he manifestly led it to bring -in a suit of which you led a singleton.</p> - -<p>(6) Deceive him whenever you get a chance.</p> - -<p>(7) Open a new suit every time you have the lead.</p> - -<p>(8) Never pay any attention to your partner’s first -discard, unless it is a forced discard (page 32); lead -your own suit.</p> - -<p>(9) Never force him under any circumstances unless -you hold at least five trumps with two honours; -even if you lose the rubber by it, play “the Game!”</p> - -<p>(10) Devote all your remaining energies to looking -for a signal in the last trick. If you are unable to -discover which was your partner’s card—after keeping -the table waiting for two minutes—enquire what -trumps are, and lead him one on suspicion.</p> - -<div class="center">——————</div> - -<p>Play all your cards alike without emphasis or hesitation; -how can you expect your partner to have any<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[84]</a></span> -confidence in your play when it is evident to him from -your hesitation that you have no confidence in it -yourself?</p> - -<p>If your partner renounces, and you think fit to -enquire whether he is void of the suit, do so quietly; -don’t offer a hint for his future guidance by glaring -or yelling at him.</p> - -<p>Don’t ask idiotic questions; if you led an ace, and -the two, three, and four are played to the trick, what -is the use of asking your partner to draw his card? -If you hold all the remaining cards of a suit, why -enquire whether he has any?</p> - -<p>Don’t talk in the middle of the hand.<a name="FNanchor_49_49" id="FNanchor_49_49"></a><a href="#Footnote_49_49" class="fnanchor">[49]</a> However -you may be tempted to use bad language—and I -must admit the temptation is often very great—always -recollect that though your Latin grammar<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[85]</a></span> -says “humanum est irasci,” the antidote grows near -the bane, for—at the bottom of the very preceding -page—it also says “pi orant taciti.”</p> - -<div class="quote"> -“’Tis best sometimes your censure to restrain.”—<i>Pope.</i></div> - -<p>According to the wisest man who ever lived, -“he that holdeth his peace is counted wise, and he -that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.” -Such a reputation appears cheap at the -price; but—if you are of the opinion of J. P. Robinson -that “they didn’t know everything down in Judee”—you -can call your partner any names you like as -soon as the hand is over.<a name="FNanchor_50_50" id="FNanchor_50_50"></a><a href="#Footnote_50_50" class="fnanchor">[50]</a> You need not be at all -particular what for, any crime of omission or commission, -real or fancied, will do; if, after the game -is ended, you discover that it might have been saved -or won by doing something different, however idiotic, -grumble at him.<a name="FNanchor_51_51" id="FNanchor_51_51"></a><a href="#Footnote_51_51" class="fnanchor">[51]</a></p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[86]</a></span></p> - -<p>It is quite legitimate to revile him for not playing -cards he never held; if he should have the temerity -to point out that the facts are against you, revile the -facts.</p> - -<p>If there is a really diabolical mistake in the case, -and you happen to have made it yourself, revile him -with additional ferocity.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[87]</a></span></p> - -<p>But never forget this! Before you proceed to give -your partner a piece of your mind, <i>always call your -honours!</i> for by neglecting this simple precaution, you -will often lay yourself open to a crushing rejoinder; -<i>experto crede!</i></p> - -<p>Failing any other grievance, you can always prove -to demonstration—and at interminable length—that -if his cards, or your cards, or both your cards, had -been just the reverse of what they were, the result -would have been different; this certainly opens a -wide field for speculation, but it is neither an instructive -nor entertaining amusement, though it kills -time. “Oh, take one consideration with another, the -whist-player’s lot is not a happy one.”</p> - -<p>There is a theory which, according to some evil-disposed -persons, may easily be made too much of—the -injury to yourself being remote and doubtful, -while the gratification of annoying him is certain -and immediate—that abusing your partner, as having -a tendency to make him play worse, is a mistake -from a pecuniary point of view; of course it is a -mistake, but not for such a paltry reason as that; -take a higher stand-point! Whether you are winning -or losing</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“You should never let</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Your angry passions rise.”—<i>Watts.</i></span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="unindent">Don’t cry!</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“Ill betide a nation when</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">She sees the tears of bearded men.”</span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[88]</a></span></p> - -<p class="unindent">And you will have a beard yourself some time, if you -don’t lead the penultimate of five. (See page 21.) -Without exciting the slightest sympathy on the part -of an unfeeling public, crying deranges the other -secretions; the Laureate says tears are idle, and -professes ignorance of their meaning; if he played -whist he would know that they injure the cards and -make them sticky.</p> - -<p>Don’t play out of your turn, nor draw your card -before that turn comes.</p> - -<p>Don’t ride a hobby to death! <i>In ordinary whist</i> -three prevailing hobbies are so cruelly over-ridden -that I am surprised the active and energetic Mr. -Colam has never interfered: these are—</p> - -<p>(1) The penultimate of a long suit.</p> - -<p>(2) The signal for trumps.</p> - -<p>(3) Not forcing your partner unless you are strong -in trumps—under any circumstances.</p> - -<p>The first is, in the majority of cases, a nuisance;<a name="FNanchor_52_52" id="FNanchor_52_52"></a><a href="#Footnote_52_52" class="fnanchor">[52]</a> -the second is stated to simplify the game and to -cause greater attention to be paid to it—practically -the entire time of the players is taken up, either in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[89]</a></span> -devising absurd signals or in looking for and failing -to see them: the third is responsible for losing about -as many games as anything I am acquainted with, -though the constant and aimless changing of suits -runs it close.</p> - -<p>Is it any reason—because you have no trumps—that -you should announce that circumstance early in -the hand to the general public and prevent your -partner making one? If he has them all, you cannot -injure him; if he has not, the adversaries will play -through him and strangle him: why is it that you -are afraid to let your partner make a certain trick, -though you are never afraid to open a new suit?</p> - -<p>An impression is abroad that there is somewhere a -law of whist to this effect: “Never force your partner -at any stage of the game unless you yourself are -strong in trumps.” Now there is no such thing.</p> - -<p>Let us see what the authorities say on the point. -“Keep in mind that general maxims pre-suppose -the game and hand at their commencement, and -that material changes in them frequently require -that a different mode of play should be adopted.” -“It is a general maxim not to force your partner -unless strong in trumps yourself. There are, -however, many exceptions to this rule, as</p> - -<p>(1) If your partner has led a single card.</p> - -<p>(2) If it saves or wins a particular point.</p> - -<p>(3) If great strength in trumps is declared against you.</p> - -<p>(4) If you have a probability of a saw.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[90]</a></span></p> - -<p>(5) If your partner has been forced and did not -lead trumps.</p> - -<p>(6) It is often right in playing for an odd trick.</p> - -<p>If your partner shows a weak game force him -whether or not you are otherwise entitled to do it.”—<i>Mathews.</i></p> - -<p>With a weak trump hand force your partner:</p> - -<p>“(1) When he has already shown a desire to be -forced, or weakness in trumps.</p> - -<p>“(2) When you have a cross ruff.</p> - -<p>“(3) When you are playing a close game as for -the odd trick, and often when one trick saves or -wins the game or a point.</p> - -<p>“(4) When great strength in trumps has been -declared against you.”—<i>Cavendish.</i></p> - -<p>“Do not force your partner unless to make sure -of the tricks required to save or win the game;</p> - -<p>“Or, unless he has been already forced, and has not -led a trump;</p> - -<p>“Or, unless he has asked to be forced by leading -from a single card, or two weak cards;</p> - -<p>“Or, unless the adversary has led, or asked for -trumps.”—<i>Clay.</i></p> - -<p>“Unless your partner has shown great strength in -trumps, or a wish to get them drawn, or has refused -to ruff a doubtful card, give him the option of making -a small trump, unless you have some good reason for -not doing so, other than a weak suit of trumps in -your own hand.”—<i>Art of Practical Whist.</i></p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[91]</a></span></p> - -<p>With these extracts before you, perhaps you will -dismiss from your mind the popular fallacy, that you -are under any compulsion to lose the game, because -your trumps are not quite so strong as you could wish.</p> - -<p>Make a note of this.</p> - -<p>Maxims were not invented for the purpose of preventing -you from either saving or winning the game, -though it is their unfortunate fate to be epitomized -and perverted out of all reasonable shape: the ill-advised -dictum, “Suppose the adversaries are four, -and you, with the lead, have a bad hand. The best -play is, in defiance of all system, to lead out your -best trump;” was comparatively innocuous till some -ingenious person, with a turn for abbreviation, altered -it into “Whenever you hold nothing, lead a trump!” -Use your common sense.<a name="FNanchor_53_53" id="FNanchor_53_53"></a><a href="#Footnote_53_53" class="fnanchor">[53]</a></p> - -<p>I have gone into this matter at considerable length, -because I am convinced that however many people, -once affluent, are now in misery and want, owing to -their not having led trumps with five—Clay gave the -number as eleven thousand—a far larger number -have been reduced to this deplorable condition, by -changing suits and refusing <i>on principle</i> to save the -game by forcing their partner.</p> - -<p>Before quitting the subject, there is another branch -of it worthy of a little consideration: when your<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[92]</a></span> -partner by his discard has shown which is his suit, -and you hold two or three small cards in it, however -strong you may be in trumps—<i>unless everything -depends on one trick</i>—do you expect to gain much -by forcing him and making yourself third player? -though it is usual to play in this absurd way, is there -any objection to first playing his suit and—as, <i>ex -hypothesi</i>, you are strong in trumps—forcing him -afterwards?</p> - -<p>Play always as simply and intelligibly as you can!</p> - -<p>In addition to your partner not being able to see -your cards—in itself a disadvantage—he is by an -immutable law of nature, much inferior in perception -to yourself; you should bear this in mind and not be -too hard on the poor fellow.</p> - -<p>Never think!<a name="FNanchor_54_54" id="FNanchor_54_54"></a><a href="#Footnote_54_54" class="fnanchor">[54]</a> Know! Leave thinking to the Teuton:</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“A Briton knows, or if he knows it not,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 11.5em;">He ought.”—<i>Cowper.</i></span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p>After the game has begun, the time for thinking -has passed: as soon as a card is led it is the time -for action, the time to bring to bear your previously -acquired knowledge.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[93]</a></span></p> - - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 582px;"> -<img src="images/i-013.jpg" width="582" height="103" alt="decoration" /> -</div> - - - - -<h2>LECTURE XI.<br /> - -——<br /> - -<small>THINKING.</small><br /> - -——</h2> - -<div class="quote"> -“With some unmeaning thing, that they call thought.”—<i>Pope.</i></div> - -<div class="quote"> -“Think, and die.”—<i>Shakespeare.</i></div> - - -<p class="drop-cap"><span class="smcap">Never</span> think!</p> - -<p>Unless you have some remarkably good reason -for taking your own course, do as you are told. If -your partner leads a small trump, and you win the -trick, return it at once:</p> - -<div class="quote"> -“Gratia ab officio, quod mora tardat, abest.”</div> - -<p class="unindent">This is a much more simple and satisfactory plan -than to proceed to think that he may have no more, -or that the fourth player must hold major tenace -over him; no one will admit more readily than I do -that you are much the better player of the two, -still, allow him to have some idea of the state of his -own hand.</p> - -<p>Don’t think whenever you see a card played that -it is necessarily false.—“<i>Nil sapientiæ odiosius acumine -nimio.</i>”—<i>Seneca.</i></p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[94]</a></span></p> - -<p>As, on the whole, true cards are in the majority, -you are more likely to be wrong than right, and the -betting must be against you in the long run.</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“My business and your own is not to inquire</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Into such matters, but to mind our cue—</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Which is to act as we are bid to do.”—<i>Byron.</i></span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p>If you are blest with a sufficiently sharp eye to -the left, you may occasionally <i>know</i> that a card is -false, but knowledge acquired in that way I should -not describe as thinking; I should use a quite -different expression.</p> - -<p>With the military gentleman who anathematized -intellect I deeply sympathize. Profound thought -about facts which have just taken place under your -own eye is the bane of whist.</p> - -<p>Why imitate Mark Twain’s fiery steed? Why, when -it is your business to go on, “lean your head against -something, and think?”</p> - -<p>Whether you have seen a thing or not seen it, -there can be no necessity for thought; recondite -questions—such as whether the seven is the best of -a suit of which all the others but the six are out, or -whether a card is the twelfth or thirteenth—can be -answered by a rational being in one of two ways, and -two only; either he knows, or he does not know, there -is no <i>tertium quid</i>; the curious practice of gazing -intently at the chandelier and looking as intelligent -as nature will permit—if not more so—though it -is less confusing than going to the last trick for<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[95]</a></span> -information, and imposes upon some people, is no -answer at all;<a name="FNanchor_55_55" id="FNanchor_55_55"></a><a href="#Footnote_55_55" class="fnanchor">[55]</a> this, in whist circles, is called, or -miscalled, <i>thinking</i>. It is not a new invention, for -it has been known and practised from the earliest -times. “There is a generation, O how lofty are their -eyes; and their eyelids are lifted up.”—<i>Proverbs, -chap.</i> 30, <i>verse</i> 13, <span class="smcap">B.C.</span> 1,000. Pecksniff, who had an -extensive acquaintance with the weaknesses of -human nature, knew it; you and all other schoolboys -are adepts at it.</p> - -<p>In Greek the very name of man—ανθρωπος—was derived -from this peculiar method of feigning intelligence, -and it was by no means unknown to the Romans.</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“Pronaque cum spectent animalia cœtera terram,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Os homini sublime dedit cœlumque tueri.”</span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="unindent">But, however ancient and venerable the practice may -be, it is one of those numerous practices more -honoured in the breach than in the observance; -surely, looking on the table is more in accordance -with the dictates of common sense than attempting -to eliminate unknown quantities from a chandelier. -In the one you have gas and probably water; on the -other—lying open before you—the data required. I -have now endeavoured, not to teach you either whist -or bumblepuppy, but to point out a few of the differences -between them, and to start you on the right<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[96]</a></span> -road. The first is a game of reason and common -sense, played in combination with your partner; the -second is a game of inspiration, haphazard, and -absurdity, where your partner is your deadliest -enemy. I have made a few extracts from Mathews—partly -because I do not like novelties merely -because they are novelties—partly to convince the -bumblepuppist (if anything will convince him) that -when he tells me the recognised plan is a new -invention, introduced by Cavendish for his especial -annoyance, he does not know what he is talking -about; and partly to show you that since that book -was written—eighty years ago—the main principles -of Whist are almost unaltered.</p> - -<p>The chapter on etiquette is since his time; but, -although the game has been cut down one-half, -take away from Mathews his slight partiality for -sneakers—to be accounted for by the possibility of -his partner at that remote period being even a -more dangerous lunatic than yours is at present, -and the consequent necessity for playing more on -the defensive (for leading singletons, whatever else -it may do, and however it may damage the firm, -does not injure the leader)<a name="FNanchor_56_56" id="FNanchor_56_56"></a><a href="#Footnote_56_56" class="fnanchor">[56]</a> take away from the play<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[97]</a></span> -of to-day its signal, its echo, and its penultimate of -a long suit; (all excrescences of doubtful advantage -for general purposes, and the last two more adapted -to that antediluvian epoch when human life was -longer)—and the continuity of the game is clear.<a name="FNanchor_57_57" id="FNanchor_57_57"></a><a href="#Footnote_57_57" class="fnanchor">[57]</a> -Whether Whist would gain anything by their -omission I am unable to say; the attention, now -always on the strain in <i>looking</i> for its accidents, -would have a spare moment or two to devote to its -essentials; whether it would do anything of the kind -is another matter.</p> - -<p>Those followers of Darwin and believers in the -doctrine of evolution, to whom it is a source of -comfort that an ascidian monad and not Eve was -their first parent, must find the Whist table rather -a stumbling block: they will there see uncommonly -few specimens of the survival of the fittest. A cynic -with whom I was once conversing on this subject, -remarked that they were much more likely to come -across the missing link.</p> - -<p>The philosopher of Chelsea long since arrived at -the unsatisfactory and sweeping conclusion, that the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[98]</a></span> -population of these islands are mostly fools, and he -has made no exception of the votaries of Whist. -Still, it has the reputation of being a very pretty -game, though this reputation must be based to a -great extent on conjecture; for apart from its other -little peculiarities—on some of which I have briefly -touched—its features are so fearfully disfigured by -bumblepuppy, that it is as difficult to give a positive -opinion as to say whether a woman suffering from -malignant small-pox might or might not be good -looking under happier circumstances. The sublime -self-confidence expressed in the distich—</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“When I see thee as thou art,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">I’ll praise thee as I ought,”</span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="unindent">has not been vouchsafed to me, but if ever I obtain -a clear view of it, I will undertake to report upon it -to the best of my ability.</p> - -<p>You may have heard that if you are ignorant of -Whist you are preparing for yourself a miserable -old age: it is by no means certain that a knowledge -of it—as practised at this particular period—is to be -classed with the beatitudes.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 171px;"> -<img src="images/i-037.jpg" width="171" height="70" alt="decoration scrolls" /> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[99]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 582px;"> -<img src="images/i-013.jpg" width="582" height="103" alt="decoration" /> -</div> - - - - -<h2>LECTURE XII.<br /> - -——<br /> - -<small>TEMPER.</small><br /> - -——</h2> - -<div class="quote"> -“O tempora! O mores!”</div> -<div class="blockquot"> -“To seek to extinguish anger utterly is but a bravery of -the Stoics.”—<i>Bacon.</i></div> - - -<p class="drop-cap"><span class="smcap">I am</span> afraid that you will hear at the whist table a -good deal about temper, unless you are particularly -fortunate; that so-and-so is good-tempered, or -the reverse; that if we were all better tempered, -something or other might be different, and similar -platitudes. Now these mostly start on the utterly -false assumption that everybody is equally subject to -the same annoyances.</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> - -<p>“Tender and delicate persons must needs be oft angry; -they have so many things to trouble them, which more robust -natures have little sense of.”—<i>Ibid.</i></p></div> - -<p>That the greatest exponent of Bumblepuppy has -necessarily the longest temper goes without saying—of -course he has! He has nothing to ruffle him, for -he has everything his own way; he plays as he thinks -fit (supposing him to think at all, or ever to be fit); -if his partner makes a mistake it is any odds he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[100]</a></span> -never sees it; <i>de non existentibus et non apparentibus -eadem est ratio</i>; here is one cause of equanimity.</p> - -<p>If it is any amusement to him—and I presume it is, -otherwise he would not do it—from his cradle to his -grave to play a game of which he knows absolutely -nothing, and if in pursuit of that amusement he -thinks it worth his while to take a certain amount of -his own and his partner’s capital, and to throw it in -the street, why should he lose his temper? Although -he has paid his money, he has had his choice—another -cause of equanimity.</p> - -<p>Ah Sin played a game he did not understand, and -remained quite calm and unperturbed, though he was -a heathen and an Asiatic; while his antagonist disgraced -our common Christianity by letting his angry -passions rise because things were going against him.</p> - -<p>If both partners, then, are of the same mind and -the same calibre—either bad or good—to quote an -American author, “all is peas,” and like the place</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“Where brothers dwell and sisters meet</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Quarrels should never come.”</span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="unindent">The difficulty begins to arise when one of the partners -fails to see things altogether in the same light as -the other. He may be so unfortunately constituted -(cross-grained the other would say) that he is unable -to derive any amusement from the game unless it is -played with a modicum of intelligence; it is just -possible that instead of considering gold as dross, as -an accursed thing to be got rid of at the earliest<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[101]</a></span> -opportunity, he may be actuated by a depraved love -of filthy lucre, and a sordid desire for gain; such -conditions are to be deplored, but they exist and -must be reckoned with.</p> - -<p>When his partner proceeds to run amuck, he -misses the point of the joke; his perverted moral -sense revolts against paying half the money, and the -other man having all the choice; probably, for a -time, he keeps his mouth tightly shut, but his -<i>collaborateur</i> is not to be eluded in that way; he -demands not merely the passive, but the active assent -of his victim, and sooner or later, after the perpetration -of some particularly atrocious <i>coup</i>, inquires -with the bland and childlike smile of the heathen -already referred to, “Partner, I think we could not -have done better there?” What is to be done -now? Silence is not an answer; it used to be, but -has been disestablished. Are you to agree with -him? Are you to state what is false? Are you to -dissent and be informed you are always finding fault? -(Shakespeare’s retort is neat and worthy of him: -“You have always been called a merciful man, -partner;” but we are not all Shakespeares.) Or -is it the best course at once to resort to active -measures, and throw at him the first thing that -comes to hand?</p> - -<p>The worm must turn some time or other; it may -turn the other cheek, but that is only temporising; -no worm has more than two cheeks, and when it has<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[102]</a></span> -had them both slapped, what is it to do then? We -come to an <i>impasse</i>.</p> - -<p>The copy-books used to tell us—for anything I -know they may do so yet—copy-book aphorisms have -a marvellous vitality, and you have seen them since I -have—that “patience is a virtue” (I think virtue -ought to have a capital V), and, as an abstract -proposition, the statement is probably as true and -more grammatical than “There’s milestones on the -Dover Road”; but what is the use of it? The question -is, will it wash? The two best known examples -of this virtue are the Patriarch Job and the patient -ass. Whether the Patriarch was well advised in -enduring his friends so long, and whether he endured -them on account of his patience, or whether the -bodily affliction from which he was notoriously -suffering at the time, incapacitated him from taking -energetic steps to expel them from his bed-room, are -questions difficult to decide so long after the event. -I express no opinion of my own; let the dead past -bury its dead: <i>de mortuis nil nisi bonum</i>; but -the donkey is a different matter; he lives in our -own times, and I know him well; he touches me -nearly; and I unhesitatingly affirm that the only -benefit—if benefit is the proper term—he has ever -derived from his long-suffering, has been to be -invariably imposed upon in consequence. Casa -Bianca on the burning deck is another case in point; -he did score to a certain extent, for owing to his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[103]</a></span> -patience his widowed mother escaped an undertaker’s -bill, while he himself is known to this day in the -nursery as “the noble boy”; but to the more mature -observer, in whom the ambition to be called names is -dead, the game is hardly worth the candle; while -you yourselves will be called quite enough names at -the whist table without being cremated; not to mention -that the majority of you probably prefer pudding -to praise.</p> - -<p>Some irritable people go so far as to apply language -of a condemnatory character to the inanimate cards; -as it is impossible to arouse any emotion either of -pleasure or anger in their breasts, this seems absurd -and a waste of energy. It must be bad form to -excite yourself without causing annoyance to others, -and should certainly be avoided.</p> - -<p>Believing luck to be strictly personal, it appears to -me that calling for new cards is an unnecessary display -of temper and throwing good money after bad.</p> - -<p>We may take it, speaking generally—for it is not -always the case—that the worse a man plays, the less -visible is his bad temper; the converse fortunately -does not hold good, for many good players have -really wonderful tempers.</p> - -<p>One curious circumstance is that want of perception -and thickness of mental cuticle are usually -looked upon by the unfortunate possessors as proofs -of good temper, and boasted of as such. This is not -the case in other afflictions. I once knew a man with<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[104]</a></span> -a Barbadoes leg, and though its circumference much -exceeded that of mine, he never made any offensive -comparisons.</p> - -<p>In Bath I have seen scores of invalids—mostly -naval and military men, naturally warlike—they were -all seated decorously in the local chairs; and when -they dismounted and hobbled into the club, they did -not go about brandishing their crutches and bragging -that they had refrained from assaulting us innocent -civilians; on the contrary, I always found them most -courteous and friendly.</p> - -<p>To sum up the matter; we are all worms of some -kind, and we all turn more or less when we are -trodden upon, if we perceive it. The denser the -worm, the more slowly he turns. While some ill-conditioned -ones turn under all circumstances, some -of the most highly-organised are scarcely ever known -even to wriggle. Apparently harmless ones sometimes -turn most suddenly and ferociously. Those -most trodden upon—unless quite <i>hors de combat</i>—turn -most.</p> - -<p>Finally, many congenitally mal-formed worms, and -worms suffering from amaurosis, cerebral ramollissement, -myxædema, and other dreadful diseases, are -not only unaware of their critical state, but are -actually proud of it, and look upon it as a proof of -their amiable disposition.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - - - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[105]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 582px;"> -<img src="images/i-013.jpg" width="582" height="103" alt="decoration" /> -</div> - - - - -<h2>LECTURE XIII.<br /> - -——<br /> - -<small>DETERIORATION OF WHIST, ITS CAUSES AND CURE.</small><br /> - -——</h2> - -<div class="quote"> -“Past and to come seem best; things present worst.”—<i>Shakespeare.</i> -</div> - - -<p class="drop-cap"><span class="smcap">In</span> my time I believe Whist has on the whole -deteriorated,<a name="FNanchor_58_58" id="FNanchor_58_58"></a><a href="#Footnote_58_58" class="fnanchor">[58]</a> it mistakes means for ends, is -more tricky, more difficult, more cantankerous; -with regard to common mistakes—inability to hold -a few cards without dropping them on the table, -or to play them one at a time; inability to count<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[106]</a></span> -thirteen, to recollect the best card, or whether it -was your opponents, your partner, or yourself who -first led a suit; winning your partner’s trick, or -not winning your adversary’s; leading out of turn, -revoking, and so on—there is not much difference.</p> - -<p>As long as I can recollect, Whist has been gorged -with these, and neither the hydraulic ram nor any -other of the improved mechanical appliances of the -present day can squeeze into a thing more than it -will hold. Architects of card-rooms are to blame -for a good deal of this bad Whist; it is impossible to -play in a badly lighted, or a badly ventilated room. -Whist players have often told me exactly what they -require, and it is very odd they cannot have it.</p> - -<p>With a large fire, the room hermetically sealed, -and everybody smoking, the temperature should -never exceed sixty-one-and-a-half degrees, nor be -below sixty. There must be neither doors (they -admit draughts) nor windows: windows are open—allow -me to withdraw that offensive word—windows -are exposed to two objections, (1) some scoundrel, -regardless of consequences, might lower or raise -the sash; (2) instead of being placed in the ceiling -or the floor—where you would naturally expect to -find them—they are always at the side of the room, -and no whist player can see a card with the -windows in such a position.</p> - -<p>Candles do not give sufficient light, and gas is -unbearable; a suggestion to try an attic with a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[107]</a></span> -skylight fell through (not through the skylight—I -mean the suggestion failed), because no one was -able to go upstairs; a lift would overcome that -objection, but the temperature difficulty remained.</p> - -<p>This only applies to clubs; curiously enough, in -small stuffy back-rooms in private houses, gas never -causes head-ache, and neither a mephitic atmosphere -nor a temperature of 120° is at all disagreeable.</p> - -<p>Joking apart, the <i>fons et origo mali</i> is <a href="#Law_91">Law 91</a>, and -not only the head and front of the offending, but -its barrel and hind quarters as well.<a name="FNanchor_59_59" id="FNanchor_59_59"></a><a href="#Footnote_59_59" class="fnanchor">[59]</a></p> - -<p>Since the introduction of signalling, the subsequent -petrolatry, and all the elaborate functions -of that cultus, an exaggerated importance (increasing -in geometric ratio with every additional convention) -has been attached to the last trick—the only place -where, by universal consent, anything can reasonably -be “looked for”—and if you, after seeing the cards -played, informing your partner which is yours (of -course, in answer to his enquiry), gathering the -trick and arranging it neatly, should imagine you -have done with it, you will be the victim of a fond -delusion—using “fond” in the old acceptation of -the word. First, your partner will ask to see it at -least twice, then your opponents, one or both, will -probably grab at it without asking, and put it back<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[108]</a></span> -in a dishevelled condition; it is useless to specify -what their mental state must be, and unfortunately, -by the time all these irritating performances have -been gone through and you have again arranged the -trick symmetrically, you will find yours is not all you -could wish. You can avoid some of these annoyances -by allowing your partner to gather the tricks, -but from his slovenly mode of doing so, you will -never be able to see how many he has; and just as -you are endeavouring to concentrate your attention -at a critical point, it will be distracted by your having -to make an intricate calculation how the game stands, -the data being the cards remaining in your hand, and -two confused heaps on the table; as long as this is -permitted, whist is out of the question, and you feel -inclined to say with the Divine Williams,</p> - -<div class="quote"> -“Let him have a table by himself.”</div> - -<p class="unindent">One of the principal uses of the new method of -suspended animation will turn out to be, that all -decent whist players will have to submit themselves -to it, and remain, arranged in rows on shelves, until -that law is abrogated.</p> - -<p>The number of shelves required will not appreciably -affect the timber trade.<a name="FNanchor_60_60" id="FNanchor_60_60"></a><a href="#Footnote_60_60" class="fnanchor">[60]</a></p> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[109]</a></span></p> -<p>In the good time coming, promised by the poet to -those of you who wait a little longer, when the -present inspired, convention-ridden, and last-trick-inspecting -generation is in the silent tomb or -cremated, as the case may be, and a new school—basing -its play on common sense and attention—has -arisen, there may be an improvement; but as I -am not an optimist I cannot join in the aspiration of -the little girl whose world was hollow and whose -doll was stuffed with sawdust; therefore, though this -improvement, like the millennium, may be looming -in the more or less remote future, I see no sign of -it at present.</p> - -<p>If “to everything there is a season and a time to -every purpose under the sun,” also “<i>a time to lose -and a time to cast away</i>.”—Ecclesiastes, chap. 1, -verse 1-6: it seems clear to me there must be a -time for bumblepuppy.</p> - -<p>Some people deny this, they say that the argument -proves too much; they point out that Shakespeare -says there are</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“Tongues in trees, books in the running brooks,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Sermons in stones, and good in everything.”</span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="unindent">and that as this could not apply to bumblepuppy, -these passages only show that it was unknown -when they were written.</p> - -<p>Another argument of theirs against the antiquity -of bumblepuppy, based on the passage “in all -labour there is profit,” is altogether fallacious and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[110]</a></span> -unworthy of consideration; they admit the labour -but deny the profit. This must have had its origin -east of Temple Bar, where it is held there is no -profit unless it assumes a pecuniary form. But the -repressing your innate tendency to profane swearing, -curbing your evil passions generally, and the -cultivation—under considerable difficulties—of nearly -all the cardinal virtues, as inuring to your moral -well-being, are a profit of the most positive kind;<a name="FNanchor_61_61" id="FNanchor_61_61"></a><a href="#Footnote_61_61" class="fnanchor">[61]</a> -to be able to give a definite answer to the long-standing -conundrum “is life worth living?” is something.</p> - -<p>However, you can draw your own conclusion, the -extract from Shakespeare is—I confess—difficult to -get over, still, when Solomon makes use of these -remarkable words “a time to lose and a time to -cast away,” I fail to see what he could have had in -his mind, unless it was this very game.</p> - -<p>At any rate one thing is clear, bumblepuppy -exists now, and is not a pretty game (there can -be no two opinions about that); neither—judging -from the demeanour and language of its exponents—is -it a pleasant game. I append a hand, which -is, I think, the finest specimen of it I ever saw.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[111]</a></span> -Judge for yourself. I had jotted down a few further -remarks on this repulsive subject, but on reading -them over, they seem to be not only inconsistent -with that extreme reverence which is due to the -young, but absolutely unfit for publication.</p> - -<div class="quote"> -“Quod factu fœdum est, idem est et dictu turpe.”<br /> -R. I. P.<br /> -</div> - -<p>The two games are now before you, let me conclude -the lecture with one more extract from my favourite -classic.</p> - -<div class="quote">Utrum horum mavis accipe.</div> - - -<div class="center">——</div> - - -<h3>SPECIMEN OF BUMBLEPUPPY IN EXCELSIS.</h3> - -<div class="quote"> -“Here’s a pretty state of things! Here’s a how-de-do!”</div> - -<p>Score love all. Trumps diamond 9. Z is a bumblepuppist -with the highest opinion of himself.</p> - - - -<div class="center"> -<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" summary="hands"> -<tr><td align="left"> </td><td align="center">A.</td><td align="center">Y.</td><td align="center">B.</td><td align="center">Z.</td></tr> -<tr><td align="right">1</td><td align="left">H5</td><td align="left"><span class="u">H6</span></td><td align="left">H2</td><td align="left">H4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="right">2</td><td align="left">D2</td><td align="left">D5</td><td align="left">D4</td><td align="left"><span class="u">DK</span>!</td></tr> -<tr><td align="right">3</td><td align="left">S3</td><td align="left">SK</td><td align="left"><span class="u">SA</span></td><td align="left">S4!!</td></tr> -<tr><td align="right">4</td><td align="left">S7</td><td align="left">SJ</td><td align="left">S2</td><td align="left"><span class="u">SQ</span></td></tr> -<tr><td align="right">5</td><td align="left">D8</td><td align="left"><span class="u">D10</span></td><td align="left">S10</td><td align="left">S9!!!</td></tr> -<tr><td align="right">6</td><td align="left">D3</td><td align="left">D7</td><td align="left">D6</td><td align="left"><span class="u">DQ</span>!!!!</td></tr> -<tr><td align="right">7</td><td align="left">C3</td><td align="left">DJ</td><td align="left"><span class="u">DA</span></td><td align="left">D9!!!!!</td></tr> -<tr><td align="right">8</td><td align="left">C4</td><td align="left">H8</td><td align="left"><span class="u">S8</span></td><td align="left">C2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="right">9</td><td align="left">C6</td><td align="left">C8</td><td align="left"><span class="u">S6</span></td><td align="left">C9</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">10</td><td align="left">C7</td><td align="left">HQ</td><td align="left"><span class="u">S5</span></td><td align="left">CJ</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">11 </td><td align="left">H10</td><td align="left"><span class="u">HA</span></td><td align="left">H3</td><td align="left">H9</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">12</td><td align="left">H8</td><td align="left"><span class="u">CA</span></td><td align="left">C5</td><td align="left">CK</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">13</td><td align="left">HJ</td><td align="left"><span class="u">CQ</span></td><td align="left">C10</td><td align="left">HK</td></tr> -</table></div> - - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[112]</a></span></p> - -<p>This is the worst hand ever played, without exception; -it is a microcosm, complete in itself, and -contains examples of stupidity, selfishness, duplicity, -defiance of all recognized principles, and every conceivable -villainy.</p> - -<p>Trick 2.—The misplaced ingenuity in deceiving Y -as to the position of the Qn is worth notice.</p> - -<p>Trick 3.—The lead of the only weak suit, in -preference to the strong suit of clubs, playing up -to declared weakness in hearts, or returning the -trump is very neat.</p> - -<p>Trick 5.—The force here of the trump leader, -inducing him to believe that Z at any rate holds the -remaining spades, an illusion carefully fostered by -B, is especially good.</p> - -<p>Trick 7.—The return of the trump at this point -with the best trump (probably) and three long -spades (certainly) declared against him in one hand, -is a real gem.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 164px;"> -<img src="images/i-043.jpg" width="164" height="67" alt="decoration" /> -</div> - -<div class="center">————</div> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[113]</a></span></p> - - -<h3>THE DOMESTIC RUBBER.</h3> - -<div class="blockquot"> - -<p>“Let the doors be shut upon him, that he may play the -fool nowhere but in his own house.”—<i>Shakespeare.</i></p></div> - -<p>A third variety of whist, the domestic rubber, I -have passed over in silence; what takes place in the -sanctity of private life it would be as unbecoming -for me to divulge as for you to seek to know;</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“O’er all its faults we draw a tender veil,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">So great its sorrows and so sad its tale.”</span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="unindent">At the same time I don’t think I am violating any -confidence in stating that you will find there neither -signalling, nor the penultimate of five and its -developments: yet, though free from these annoyances, -the game, even when mitigated by muffins, -music, and the humanizing influence of woman is -inexpressibly dreary, and you had better keep out -of it if you can; but should this not be practicable,—for -some relative from whom you have a reasonable -expectation of a tip may be staying in the house, -and you may be compelled to sacrifice yourself either -on the altar of duty or of self-interest—then never -forget that sweetness of temper is much more -important here than knowledge of Whist, and -consoling yourself with the following two reflections:</p> - -<p>(1) That (according to Epicurus) prolonged pain is -pleasant rather than otherwise, extreme pain always -short;<a name="FNanchor_62_62" id="FNanchor_62_62"></a><a href="#Footnote_62_62" class="fnanchor">[62]</a></p> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[114]</a></span></p> -<p>(2) That those whom the gods love die young; -when your hour arrives, bare your throat to the knife -with a smile.</p> - -<p>So shall your memory smell sweet and blossom in -domestic circles.</p> -<div class="center">———</div> - -<h3>DOUBLE DUMMY.</h3> - -<p>Double dummy is not Whist, nor anything like it, -it much more closely resembles chess; one is a game -of inference, the other is an exact science, where the -position of every card is known.</p> - -<p>Often, in the course of a controversy on Whist, you -will hear one of the disputants challenging the other -to play double dummy, imagining that he has clenched -the matter; it would be quite as germane to suggest -trial by battle, or to move an adjournment to a good -dry skittle alley.</p> - -<p>“The bearings of these observations lays in the -application of them. That an’t no part of my duty. -Avast then, keep a bright look out for’ard, and good -luck to you.”</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 143px;"> -<img src="images/i-057.jpg" width="143" height="109" alt="decoratoin" /> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[115]</a></span></p> - - - - -<h2>EPILOGUE I.<br /> - -——</h2> - - -<p class="drop-cap"><span class="smcap">As</span> my present aim is confined to purveying food for -babes in an elementary and easily assimilable -form, and to calling your attention to <a href="#Law_91">Law 91</a>, any -lengthened disquisition on the more recent conventions -would be out of place.</p> - -<p>More competent critics than myself flatly deny that -they are food for anybody, and have denounced them, -lock, stock, and barrel, in <i>The Field</i>, <i>Longman’s</i>, <i>Cornhill</i>, -<i>Knowledge</i>, <i>Whist</i>, and numerous daily and -weekly papers.</p> - -<p>Having given my opinion elsewhere, I would -merely remark that though, in your allotted span of -three-score years and ten—after deducting a reasonable -time for rest and refreshment, say eight hours a -day—you may possibly master such an intricate -absurdity as the plain suit echo, that result is highly -improbable, and most assuredly not worth the -trouble.</p> - -<p>Still, though the thanes have revolted, they are -not immortal, and must shortly join the great men -who have gone before; the future is in your hands, -and if you wish Whist to endure you must bestir -yourselves at once; there is no time to lose. “The<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[116]</a></span> -times have been, that when the brains were out, the -man would die;” those times may return at any -moment and where will the modern game be then?</p> - -<p>Already its authors have provided you with the -following dogmata:—</p> - -<ul class="booklist"> -<li><i>the lead of uniformity;</i></li> -<li><i>the discard of uniformity;</i></li> -<li><i>the suit of uniformity;</i></li> -</ul> - -<p class="unindent">all three of them rooted in error—a melancholy -tripod to hang the fine old game upon, with a -strong family likeness to the Manx emblem, three -legs all abroad and no head-piece—if you give these -iconoclasts a little more rope, they have only to -formulate <i>the hand of uniformity</i>, and the <i>corpus</i> or -rather the <i>cadaver</i> of Whist will be complete.</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 108px;"> -<img src="images/i-128.jpg" width="108" height="109" alt="flowers" /> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[117]</a></span></p> - - - - -<h2>EPILOGUE II.<br /> - -——</h2> - - -<p class="drop-cap"><span class="smcap">Some</span> readers of these lectures have complained -that it is often difficult to discriminate when -they are serious and when they “attempt to be -funny,” and have suggested that the attempts -should be indicated clearly by a note, thus -<img src="images/i-129-index.jpg" width="31" height="19" alt="hand" /> -“this is a goak”!—and the remainder printed in red -ink. While fully recognizing their difficulty and -sympathizing with them, I am unable to entertain -either proposal; the first is an American innovation -utterly at variance with the conservative -character of the work; and it is a fatal objection to -the other that if whatever is important were picked -out in red, many well-disposed children would at -once rush to the natural—but highly erroneous—conclusion, -that they had got hold of a Prayer Book. -Another complaint, that my advice to Bumblepuppists -is likely to lead them further astray is beside the -question, even assuming—for the sake of this -argument—such a thing to be possible; the point -is whether I have described “the game” correctly, -and I am prepared to stake my reputation as an -experienced Bumblepuppy player, that I have done -so without manifesting fear, favour, or affection.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[118]</a><br /><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[119]</a></span></p> - - - -<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_1_1" id="Footnote_1_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_1_1">[1]</a> “That there are a large number of players who think -they play Whist, and yet do not reason, is too true, but such -play may be Bumblepuppy, or some other game; it certainly -is not Whist.”—<i>Westminster Papers.</i></p> - -<div class="center"> -<span class="smcap">Definitions of Bumblepuppy.</span> -</div> -<p>Bumblepuppy is persisting to play Whist, either in utter -ignorance of all its known principles, or in defiance of them, -or both.</p> - -<p>Hudibras has given another definition—</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“A lib’ral art that costs no pains</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Of study, industry, or brains.”</span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p>“Bumblepuppy was played in low public houses.”</p> - -<p>“Here and there were Bumblepuppy grounds, a game in -which the players rolled iron balls into holes marked with -numbers.”—<i>Chronicles of Newgate.</i></p> - -<p>From which I infer that in the good old times this game -first drove its votaries to drinking, and then landed them in a -felon’s cell.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_2_2" id="Footnote_2_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_2_2">[2]</a> In all well regulated society, your aim should be the -greatest happiness of the greatest number, and that number is -notoriously number one.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_3_3" id="Footnote_3_3"></a><a href="#FNanchor_3_3">[3]</a> “Do not attempt to practise until you have acquired a -competent knowledge of the theory.”—<i>Mathews</i>, <span class="smcap">A.D.</span> 1800.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_4_4" id="Footnote_4_4"></a><a href="#FNanchor_4_4">[4]</a> “The first Whist lesson should be to keep your eye on -the table and not on your own cards.”</p> -<p>“We cannot all have genius, but we can all have attention; -the absence of intelligence we cannot help, inattention -is unpardonable.”—<i>Westminster Papers.</i></p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_5_5" id="Footnote_5_5"></a><a href="#FNanchor_5_5">[5]</a> Since these words were written the “Westminster -Papers” is no more.</p> - -<div class="center">“Sit tibi terra levis!”</div> -</div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_6_6" id="Footnote_6_6"></a><a href="#FNanchor_6_6">[6]</a> “It is highly necessary to be correct in leads.” “Never -lead a card without a reason, though a wrong one.” “Be -particularly cautious not to deceive your partner in his or -your own leads.”—<i>Mathews.</i></p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_7_7" id="Footnote_7_7"></a><a href="#FNanchor_7_7">[7]</a> “According to the play that we see, with great weakness -the rule is rather to lead strengthening cards. For our -own part we should be inclined to say, “Lead from your long -suit only when you are sufficiently strong to bring in that suit -with the aid of reasonable strength on the part of your partner.”—<i>Westminster -Papers.</i></p> - -<p>“When you have a moderate hand yourself sacrifice it -to your partner.”—<i>Mathews.</i></p> - -<p>“With a bad hand lead that suit which is least likely to -injure your partner. Do not, therefore, lead from four or five -small cards.”—<i>Major A.</i></p> - -<p>“A lead from a queen or knave and one small card is not -objectionable if you have a miserably weak hand; your queen -or knave may be valuable to your partner.”—<i>Clay.</i></p> - -<p>“The rule of always leading from the longest, as distinct -from the strongest suit, is a rule which, more frequently than -any other, sacrifices a partner’s cards without any benefit to -the leader, and is in direct opposition to the true principles of -combination.”—<i>Mogul.</i></p> - -<p>Even Cavendish, unless “generally” is synonymous with -“always,” admits the expediency of occasionally leading a -short suit; “the hand, however weak, must hold one suit of -four cards, and this should <i>generally</i> be chosen.”</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_8_8" id="Footnote_8_8"></a><a href="#FNanchor_8_8">[8]</a> “The lead is quite exceptional, and many good judges -have doubted whether a small one should not be led.”—<i>The -Field.</i></p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_9_9" id="Footnote_9_9"></a><a href="#FNanchor_9_9">[9]</a> As intelligent children you will, perhaps, be tempted to -observe that all this is so self-evident it is scarcely worth -mentioning: at your immature time of life such a mistake is -pardonable, but as you grow older you will find that a determination -to open ragged suits in season and out of season—especially -out—is one of the strongest impulses of our -imperfect nature.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_10_10" id="Footnote_10_10"></a><a href="#FNanchor_10_10">[10]</a> As defined by Captain Corcoran, R.N. In all treatises -on Whist “never” is invariably used in this sense. Perhaps -in presence of the New Whist which is now raging violently -in America, it would be more correct here to substitute “was” -for “is.”</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_11_11" id="Footnote_11_11"></a><a href="#FNanchor_11_11">[11]</a> Peccavi! the lead is given in <i>What to Lead</i>, by Cam.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_12_12" id="Footnote_12_12"></a><a href="#FNanchor_12_12">[12]</a> Never give “the general” an opportunity for thinking -if you can avoid it; this is a rule of <i>universal application</i>. -“How oft the sight of means to do ill deeds makes ill deeds -done!”</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_13_13" id="Footnote_13_13"></a><a href="#FNanchor_13_13">[13]</a> It was introduced as “a proposed extension of principle,” -but you had better stick to the old adage, “first catch your -principle,” and leave the extension of it to some future time. -Theoretical advantages of this lead, and also the echo of the -signal, you will find fully set forth in “Cavendish.” In a letter -to the <i>Field</i>, September 27th, 1879, he appears to advocate varying -its monotony by occasionally leading the lowest but <i>two</i>. -Cam, the original patentee of this invention, and one of the -finest players of his day, directs you to lead the lowest but -one only when you hold no honour in the suit. By this plan -you can not only count your partner’s hand—the apparent end -of most modern Whist—but after you have made the queen -and lost your king on the return, you have the additional -gratification of knowing to a certainty that he does not even -hold the knave.</p> - -<p>With regard to the echo, I have no head for intricate -mathematical calculations, and therefore am unable to tell -you at about what trick everything would be ready, but speaking -roughly, I should be afraid that for all practical purposes the -hand would occasionally be over before the signaller and the -echoer had completed their operations. In the “Art of -Practical Whist” you are recommended to lead the lowest but -two of six. (The advice of <i>Punch</i> to those about to marry is -applicable here.)</p> - -<p>Mr. F. H. Lewis, in the <i>Field</i>, January, 1880, has propounded -a scheme for sub-dividing the echo into categories, and it has -recently been pointed out to me that by leading trumps in -some irregular way—understood, I presume, by the inventor -of the process—you can explain to your partner that you -originally held four. “Is there anything whereof it may be -said, see, this is new? it hath been already of old time, which -was before us.” When all these improvements are in use, this -is clear, the elect will return to that fine old practice known as -“piping at whisk”; the rest of us to primæval chaos.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_14_14" id="Footnote_14_14"></a><a href="#FNanchor_14_14">[14]</a> “These refinements of artifice are utterly opposed to the -essence of scientific Whist.”—<i>Westminster Papers.</i></p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_15_15" id="Footnote_15_15"></a><a href="#FNanchor_15_15">[15]</a> “What with the if’s and the mystification that would -occur from playing the cards in this erratic manner, we should -do more to injure than improve the play <i>in the present state of -Whist science</i>.”—<i>Westminster Papers.</i> [The italics are mine.]</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_16_16" id="Footnote_16_16"></a><a href="#FNanchor_16_16">[16]</a> “It puzzleth and perplexeth the conceits of many that -perhaps would otherwise co-operate with him, and makes a -man walk almost alone to his own ends.”—<i>Bacon.</i></p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_17_17" id="Footnote_17_17"></a><a href="#FNanchor_17_17">[17]</a> I have worked it out myself in more than four thousand -cases by rule of thumb (<i>Field</i>, October 1882), and obtained the -same result; if in the teeth of this, <i>early in the hand</i>, a decent -Whist-player plays the king second on a small card led, it is -an unnecessarily high card; and as unnecessarily high cards -are not played without an object, that object is presumably a -call for trumps.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_18_18" id="Footnote_18_18"></a><a href="#FNanchor_18_18">[18]</a> “With ace, queen, etc., of a suit of which your right -hand adversary leads the knave, put on the ace invariably. -No good player, with king, knave, ten, will begin with the -knave: of course, it is finessing against yourself to put on the -queen, and, as the king is certainly behind you, you give away -at least the lead, without any possible advantage.”—<i>Mathews.</i> -This advice as a rule is sound, but you must bear in mind that -towards the end of a hand the knave is often led from king, -knave, ten, or king, knave alone, and if you, holding ace, -queen, are obliged to make two tricks in the suit, in order to -win, or save the game, you will have to play the queen. If -the king is held by your left-hand adversary, you will lose the -game whatever you play. When you play the queen under -these circumstances, and it comes off, don’t imagine that you -are inspired, or præternaturally intelligent; you are only playing -to the score; and you will find that most instances of -irregular play, which at first sight suggest inspiration, resolve -themselves into this.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_19_19" id="Footnote_19_19"></a><a href="#FNanchor_19_19">[19]</a> In ordinary discarding, your strong suit is your long -suit: except to deceive your partner, and get your king -prematurely cut off, it can be no use to discard from four or -five small cards in one suit, in order to keep king to three in -another.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_20_20" id="Footnote_20_20"></a><a href="#FNanchor_20_20">[20]</a> If there are a “few words” going about, and you are -not concerned, don’t put your oar in—</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“They who in quarrels interpose,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Must often wipe a bloody nose.”</span></div> -</div> -</div> -</div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_21_21" id="Footnote_21_21"></a><a href="#FNanchor_21_21">[21]</a> Genius has been defined to be “an unlimited capacity -for taking pains,” and the pains they will take to circumvent -you are assuredly unlimited, but their capacity for anything is -so doubtful, that their claim to genius on this score must be -left in abeyance.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_22_22" id="Footnote_22_22"></a><a href="#FNanchor_22_22">[22]</a> The excitement of the moment has led me into exaggeration -here; let me give the bumblepuppist his due, the -exact number is ten, as you will find later on.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_23_23" id="Footnote_23_23"></a><a href="#FNanchor_23_23">[23]</a> “The strong hand is leading trumps, and he gets them -all out, and has the lead; nine times out of ten he will have -forgotten his partner’s first discard, and play on the assumption -his last discard is his first, and so certain is this to come -about that, we believe, with some players, it is best to -endeavour to calculate how many discards we shall get, and -let the last discard be our weakest suit.”—<i>Westminster Papers.</i></p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_24_24" id="Footnote_24_24"></a><a href="#FNanchor_24_24">[24]</a> If they were slightly to vary this statement, and say, -“They pitched thirteen cards about only for their own -amusement,” the position would be much more inexpugnable.</p> - -<p>Unless my memory deceives me, in “The Whist Player,” -by Col. Blyth, they are recommended to confine themselves -to playing “Beggar my Neighbour” with their grandmothers;—as -most of those ladies must in the ordinary course of -nature have gone over to the majority, this would be hard on -them—but they might adopt a middle course, and play that -fascinating game with each other; they could pitch the cards -about equally well, and would have more cards to pitch. I -shall resume this topic at the close of this lecture.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_25_25" id="Footnote_25_25"></a><a href="#FNanchor_25_25">[25]</a> Will he?</p> - -<div class="quote"> -“Hope springs eternal in the human breast.”</div> - -<p>And you can hope anything you like, if you don’t mind the -subsequent disappointment: First, he has to see it, and after -you have got over that difficulty, if he only holds two small -cards in that suit, and has a tenace in the other—according to -my experience—he will lead his own. With king singly -guarded in your suit, instead of being delighted to play it, -wild horses are powerless to drag it from him.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_26_26" id="Footnote_26_26"></a><a href="#FNanchor_26_26">[26]</a> Absorbed in their discoveries, they appear to have forgotten -that, “<i>Vixerunt fortes ante Agamemnona</i>.”</p> - -<p>“If weak in trumps, keep guard on your adversary’s suits. -If strong, throw away from them.”—<i>Mathews.</i></p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_27_27" id="Footnote_27_27"></a><a href="#FNanchor_27_27">[27]</a> That young and curly period when I was influenced by -the fashions has passed away. <i>Eheu fugaces</i>, etc. It may be -easier to remember “strong” than “best protected”; one -epithet is certainly three syllables shorter than the other, but -it seems a pity, for the sake of those three syllables, to use an -expression which is utterly misleading.</p> - -<p>In “The Art of Practical Whist” also “strongest” is used -without any qualification whatever, and here you only save -two syllables; although the Commination Service is seldom -read now—even if, like Royal Oak Day and Herr Von Joel, it -should cease altogether to be retained by the Establishment—to -make the blind man go out of his way would still be inexpedient, -unless you make him go out of your own way as well, -for you may cut him for a partner; if you have no respect for -the blind, surely you have some regard for your pocket-money.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_28_28" id="Footnote_28_28"></a><a href="#FNanchor_28_28">[28]</a> This is one of the numerous points where the new man -and the man of the stone age—now politely termed “fossil”—come -into collision. “We do not think that a <i>hard -and fast rule</i>, (the italics are mine) such as you propose, can be -laid down.” Even if it were a hard and fast rule—which it is -pre-eminently not—his objecting to it on that ground would -be most inconsistent—</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“And yet he thinks what’s pious in</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">The one, in th’ other is a sin.”</span></div> -</div> -</div></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_29_29" id="Footnote_29_29"></a><a href="#FNanchor_29_29">[29]</a> “About as remarkable as the rule that if you want to -ascertain how much you have spent out of a shilling, you must -subtract the number of pence left from twelve.</p> - -<p>“If the court cards and the ace of a suit are pipped -according to their values, the knave would be eleven, -the queen twelve, the king thirteen, and the ace fourteen; -and everybody would see that the difference between -the pips on any card and fourteen would show the -number of cards in the suit of higher value than the card in -question.</p> -<p>“Thus, there are nine higher than the five, and seven -higher than the seven.</p> -<p>“They would see, also, that if they could place three, and -three only, of those cards in any one player’s hand—as can -be done when the fourth best is led—the number of higher -cards not in his hand would be fourteen, less three, that is -eleven less the pips.”—<i>Mogul.</i></p> -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“The mountain groaned in pangs of birth,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Great expectation filled the earth,</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">And lo, a mouse was born!”</span></div> -</div> -</div></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_30_30" id="Footnote_30_30"></a><a href="#FNanchor_30_30">[30]</a> The origin of the signal is as clear as mud, and the very -name of the inventor of the well-known dodge of playing an -unnecessarily high card to induce the opponents to lead him -a trump, is lost in the mists of antiquity.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_31_31" id="Footnote_31_31"></a><a href="#FNanchor_31_31">[31]</a> People do not seem at all agreed what a convention is. -I used to be under the impression myself that it was an -assembly of notables—a sort of liberal four hundred, or what -is called in America a caucus. It is described by Childe -Harold as a dwarfish demon that foiled the knights in -Marialva’s dome, while I find in the <i>Fortnightly Review</i>, April, -1879, “Conventions are certain modes of play established by -preconcerted arrangement;” by whom established, preconcerted, -or arranged is not mentioned; and I am very much -afraid that this definition leaves a loop-hole for winking at -your partner when you want trumps led—of course “by -preconcerted arrangement”—otherwise it would be unfair and -(as he might mistake it for a nervous affection of the eyelid) -absurd. At Whist you can call anybody or anything whatever -you please; I have been told, but I scarcely believe it, that -you can call the knave of hearts “Jakovarts.” Poets (also an -irritable race) have the same licence, and for general purposes, -according to Mr. Squeers, there is no Act of Parliament -against your calling a house an island; but when you come -to definitions, you must be more particular, or you will land in -a hole.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_32_32" id="Footnote_32_32"></a><a href="#FNanchor_32_32">[32]</a> It is only right that I should state here that these are -not modern opinions, they are the opinions of Clay, and I am -informed he is rapidly becoming obsolete. This may be the -case. I know the practice of numbers who call themselves -Whist-players is entirely opposed to his theory; still, though -I don’t like to prophesy (having a high respect for the proverb -that it is dangerous to do so, unless you know), I am open to -make a small bet that the Peter will be obsolete first.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_33_33" id="Footnote_33_33"></a><a href="#FNanchor_33_33">[33]</a> I have seen a <i>player</i> signal twice consecutively, and lose -a treble each hand.</p> -<p>With the score three all, I have seen the original leader, -holding ace, knave, nine, to five trumps, and the ten turned -up—play a singleton, knock his partner’s king on the head, -and then begin to signal, while the adversaries were making -the next two tricks in that very suit: his partner ruffed the -fourth, and with king and queen of the two unopened suits, -led the queen of trumps, killed the king in the second hand, -and the signaller then proceeded to wait about, and with all -the remaining trumps on his right, eventually lost three by -cards.</p> -<p>I have seen another <i>player</i> of many years’ standing first -lead a plain suit and then call; his partner echoed it, and -they lost four by cards, and I <i>have been told</i> that some time -after a table had broken up, and three of the party had left -the house, one of the club servants, entering the card-room, -found the fourth still sitting at the table, and continuing to -signal.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_34_34" id="Footnote_34_34"></a><a href="#FNanchor_34_34">[34]</a> “Signalling has placed a dangerous weapon in the -hands of an injudicious player. Weak players avoid leading -a trump, watching for some invitation from their partner. -Weaker players still are constantly examining the tricks; and -finding in the position of the cards, accidentally disarranged -in turning, an indication of a call, lead trumps, perhaps to the -ruin of the game.”—<i>Mr. F. H. Lewis.</i></p> -<p>“We do not know whether anyone has ever kept a record -of the number of tricks lost by Petering. During the past -year in the Whist we have witnessed we feel confident that -more tricks have been lost than won by this practice.”—<i>Westminster -Papers.</i></p> -<p>After many years’ further experience I am quite of the -same opinion.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_35_35" id="Footnote_35_35"></a><a href="#FNanchor_35_35">[35]</a> “They are looking for Peters and the lowest but one, -but they never think of the real points of the game.”</p> -<p>“They are always on the look out for it, and they spend -more time and trouble about the signal than about all the -rest of the play.”—<i>Westminster Papers.</i></p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_36_36" id="Footnote_36_36"></a><a href="#FNanchor_36_36">[36]</a> Even in board schools forcing the strong hand is a part -of the ordinary curriculum.</p> -<div class="center"> -“Always force the strong.”—<i>Mathews.</i></div> -<p>There used to be some difficulty in ascertaining which -was the strong trump hand, but the signal has done away -with that.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_37_37" id="Footnote_37_37"></a><a href="#FNanchor_37_37">[37]</a> “Many times this kind of signal comes after the player -has had the lead, and when nothing of importance, speaking -from our own knowledge, has taken place to justify a signal. -We are very careless about leading trumps when our partner -has had the chance and did not lead them.”</p> -<p>“It is a sign of weak play if you first lead out your -winning cards, and then lead trumps; it shows ignorance of -the principles of the game. If it was advisable to lead trumps -at all, it should be done before you led out your winning -cards.”—<i>Westminster Papers.</i></p> -<p>These are noble sentiments! how any sane human being -can imagine he has the right to tell me to destroy my hand -and do for him—after he has drawn his own teeth—what he -was afraid—before that operation—to do for himself, I have -never been able to understand.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_38_38" id="Footnote_38_38"></a><a href="#FNanchor_38_38">[38]</a> “When it is evident the winning cards are betwixt you -and your adversaries, play an obscure game; but as clear a one -as possible if your partner has a good hand.”—<i>Mathews.</i></p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_39_39" id="Footnote_39_39"></a><a href="#FNanchor_39_39">[39]</a> The defence is quite as singular as the attack; for -instance, if you should be taken to task for any alleged -criminality arising from defective vision; instead of making -either of the obvious answers that it never took place at all, -or that you regret it escaped your notice and will endeavour to -keep a better look out in future, the ordinary plea in extenuation -is “the noise in the room,” also “because your cards are -so bad,” is often assigned as a satisfactory reason.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_40_40" id="Footnote_40_40"></a><a href="#FNanchor_40_40">[40]</a> Even a few days of this discipline at the beginning of -Lent would be better than nothing.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_41_41" id="Footnote_41_41"></a><a href="#FNanchor_41_41">[41]</a> Evasive answers are of two kinds; those</p> -<p>(1) For the ordinary platitude, for which you will find -good examples in <i>Card Table Talk</i>.</p> -<p> -(2) For the blatant absurdity; these are more difficult, -for while modestly asserting your own individuality, you must -at the same time guard against</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“Heating a furnace for your foe so hot,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 2em;">That you do singe yourself.”</span></div> -</div> -</div> -<p>The following remark admirably fulfils both these conditions:—</p> -<p>“For the matter of that,” said Colonel Quagg, “Rot!”—<i>Sala.</i></p> -<p>It should be addressed, kindly but firmly, to a point about -eighteen inches above your partner’s head.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_42_42" id="Footnote_42_42"></a><a href="#FNanchor_42_42">[42]</a> A well-known whist-player who is really deaf is reported -to aver that he never knew what comfort was till that misfortune -befell him.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_43_43" id="Footnote_43_43"></a><a href="#FNanchor_43_43">[43]</a> Bad play is any kind of solecism perpetrated by somebody -else; if by yourself, it may be either just your luck, -<i>pardonable</i> inattention, playing too quickly, drawing the -wrong card, or—in a very extreme case—carelessness, but it -is never bad play; sometimes the difference is even greater -than this, and what would be bad play in another, in yourself -may be the acme of skill.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_44_44" id="Footnote_44_44"></a><a href="#FNanchor_44_44">[44]</a> To the sneer that I lose now because I play worse, I -reply it is quite possible I do not play so well as I did five -years ago, I make the sneerer a present of the admission, but -I play better than I did twenty years ago, when—playing -against as good players as I do now—if I did not win every -time I sat down I was astonished.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_45_45" id="Footnote_45_45"></a><a href="#FNanchor_45_45">[45]</a> “An experiment that does not go on to millions is -very little use in determining such propositions. It can be -demonstrated to the satisfaction of everyone that the odds, -after having won the first game in a rubber, in favour of -winning one of the next two games is three to one. Yet -Mr. Clay considered that five to two was a bad bet, and we -have lost not only at five to two but at two to one, and on -one occasion we actually lost the long odds in two hundred -bets, a hundred and three times, so that if we were to take -this result as of any value, the odds would be slightly in -favour of losing a rubber when you had won the first game, -which is absurd.”—<i>Westminster Papers.</i></p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_46_46" id="Footnote_46_46"></a><a href="#FNanchor_46_46">[46]</a> Not a fine whist-player, for this is a rare bird, much -more rare than a black swan (these can be bought any day at -Jamrach’s by the couple, but even in the present hard times -when, I am informed, the markets are glutted with everything, -he has not one fine whist-player in stock); essential to -him, in addition to common sense and attention, are genius -and a thorough knowledge of Cavendish.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_47_47" id="Footnote_47_47"></a><a href="#FNanchor_47_47">[47]</a> “Although these maxims may occasionally speak of -things never to be done, and others always to be done, you -must remember that no rules are without exception, and -few more open to exceptional cases than rules for whist.”—<i>Clay.</i></p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_48_48" id="Footnote_48_48"></a><a href="#FNanchor_48_48">[48]</a> Just as orthodoxy has been defined to be your own -doxy, so “the Game” usually means “your own idea of the -game at the time.”</p> -<p>I have called it Protean because it assumes so many different -forms (being mainly based on results), and like the -nigger’s little pig—runs about to such an extent that it is -impossible to get a clear view of it.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_49_49" id="Footnote_49_49"></a><a href="#FNanchor_49_49">[49]</a> Though whist is reported to be an old English word -meaning silence, and though it is advisable for many reasons -that it should be played with reasonable quiet, it is not at all -compulsory to conduct yourself as if in the monastery of La -Trappe; you have a perfect right—as far as the laws of whist -are concerned—to discuss at any time the price of stocks, the -latest scandal, or even the play going on, “provided that no -intimation whatever, by word or gesture, be given as to the -state of your own hand or the game.”—<i>Etiquette of Whist.</i></p> -<p>At bumblepuppy you had better waive this right altogether, -for if under any circumstances you open your mouth, -you will infallibly put your foot into it. Even here, the -bumblepuppist is not consistent, for while constantly laying -down the extraordinary law—in a very loud voice—that whist -is silence, he considers the carrying out of that law much -more incumbent on the rest of the table than himself.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_50_50" id="Footnote_50_50"></a><a href="#FNanchor_50_50">[50]</a> “Avoid playing with those who instruct, or rather find -fault while the hand is playing. They are generally unqualified -by ignorance, and judge from consequences; but if not, advice -while playing does more harm than good.”—<i>Mathews.</i></p> -<p>“The empty vessel makes the greatest sound.”—<i>Shakespeare.</i></p> -<p>“Talking over the hand <i>after</i> it has been played is not -uncommonly called a bad habit and an annoyance, I am firmly -persuaded it is one of the readiest ways of learning whist.”—<i>Clay.</i></p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_51_51" id="Footnote_51_51"></a><a href="#FNanchor_51_51">[51]</a></p> -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“O dreary life!” we cry, “O dreary life!”</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">And still the generation of the birds</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Sing through our sighing, and the flocks and herds</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Serenely live while we are keeping strife.</span></div> -</div> -</div> - -<p>“The education of the whist-player is peculiar. How he -becomes a whist-player nobody knows. He never learns his -alphabet or the catechism or anything that he ought to do. -He appears full-grown, mushroom-like. He remembers -someone blowing him up for doing something he ought not -to have done, and somebody else blowing him up for doing -something else, and he is blown up to the end of the chapter. -This phase of being blown up is varied by grumbling sometimes -aloud, sometimes <i>sotto voce</i>; so that the whist-player is -reared on scolding and grumbling as other youngsters are -reared on pap. Truly this is a happy life. Some men grumble -on principle because it is a national privilege, and they avail -themselves of the Englishman’s birthright.”</p> -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“A sect whose chief devotion lies</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">In odd perverse antipathies:</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">In falling out with that or this,</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">And finding somewhat still amiss,</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">More peevish, cross, and splenetic</span></div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Than dog distract, or monkey sick.”—<i>Hudibras.</i></span></div> -</div> -</div> -<p>“Some do it because they believe that if they grumble -enough, it will bring them luck. Some do it in the hope -that they will excite sympathy, and that their friends will -feel for their ill-fortune, which, by-the-bye, whist-players never -do. Some grumble to annoy their friends, and we are bound to -say these succeed.”—<i>Westminster Papers.</i></p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">“The croaking nuisance lurked in every nook;</div> -<div class="verse">And the land stank—so numerous was the fry.”—<i>Cowper.</i></div> -</div> -</div> -</div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_52_52" id="Footnote_52_52"></a><a href="#FNanchor_52_52">[52]</a> “They are intent on some wretched crotchet like the -lowest but one.”</p> - -<p>“Every time he can lead a lowest but one, no matter -what the state of the game or the score, that lead he is sure -to make, and we believe there are some neophytes who would -lose their money with pleasure if they could only tell their -partners afterwards that they had led the lowest but one.”—<i>Westminster -Papers.</i></p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_53_53" id="Footnote_53_53"></a><a href="#FNanchor_53_53">[53]</a> “Common sense (which in truth is very uncommon) is -the best sense I know of. Abide by it; it will counsel you -best.”—<i>Chesterfield Letters.</i></p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_54_54" id="Footnote_54_54"></a><a href="#FNanchor_54_54">[54]</a> This is at first sight a rather appalling proposition, but -the advice I give you I have always endeavoured to follow -myself, and I am not a solitary case, for in the <i>Nineteenth -Century Review</i> for May, 1879, I find the writer of one of the -articles is in the same boat; this thoughtful writer—he must -have been thoughtful, otherwise his lucubration would not -have been accepted—says: “I have given up the practice of -thinking, or it may be I never had it.”</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_55_55" id="Footnote_55_55"></a><a href="#FNanchor_55_55">[55]</a> Making passes in the air with your hand, as if you were -about to mesmerise the table, is another favourite stratagem.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_56_56" id="Footnote_56_56"></a><a href="#FNanchor_56_56">[56]</a> The difference here is more apparent than real; -Mathews, with considerable limitations, advocates leading -singletons; now-a-days the practice is decried, but I regret -to say that as far as my experience goes, the principal obstacle -to leading a singleton is not having a singleton to lead.</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_57_57" id="Footnote_57_57"></a><a href="#FNanchor_57_57">[57]</a> “We expect that Cavendish very often must have -objected to that ancient plagiarist Mathews for stealing his -ideas.”</p> - - -<p>“If their ideas are not identical, it is rather difficult to find -where one begins and the other ends.”—<i>Westminster Papers.</i></p> - -<p>“I contend that there is no essential difference between -modern and old-fashioned whist, <i>i.e.</i>, between Hoyle and -Cavendish, Mathews and J. C.”—<i>Mogul.</i></p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_58_58" id="Footnote_58_58"></a><a href="#FNanchor_58_58">[58]</a> “The game is not the simple straightforward game it -was, it is more erratic and more difficult.”</p> - -<p>“Whist is more and more, and year by year, a game of -brag, a game for gambling, a game in which we have to study -the idiosyncrasies of the players as well as the cards themselves. -We have to deduce from imperfect data, and when our -inference is wrong we have a great chance of a scolding from -an infuriated partner.”</p> - -<p>“Modern whist in a nutshell—signs and signals and a -short supply of brains.”—<i>Westminster Papers.</i></p> - -<p>“We are by no means peculiar in the opinion that signals -and the so-called developments are destroying whist.”—<i>Cornhill -Magazine.</i></p> - -<p>“Whist, as a game, is in a fair way of being ruined.”—<i>Knowledge.</i></p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_59_59" id="Footnote_59_59"></a><a href="#FNanchor_59_59">[59]</a> “Let players, if they wish to play a decent game, and -avoid a mischievous and annoying practice, give up the -privilege accorded by <a href="#Law_91">Law 91</a>.”—<i>Home Whist.</i></p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_60_60" id="Footnote_60_60"></a><a href="#FNanchor_60_60">[60]</a> “This refuge against boredom has fallen through. -Seeing an article on suspended animation in the <i>Contemporary -Review</i> for November 1879, I pounced upon it, thinking it -might contain the recipe, and found to my disgust that the -process, so circumstantially narrated, was a hoax.”</p></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_61_61" id="Footnote_61_61"></a><a href="#FNanchor_61_61">[61]</a> “While practising these virtues you are not obliged to -look pleasant unless you feel so—this would be dissimulation. -Heine’s plan fulfils all reasonable requirements.</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> - <div class="poetry"> -<div class="verse">Once I said in my despairing,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 1em;">This must break my spirit now,</span></div> -<div class="verse">But I bore it and am bearing,</div> -<div class="verse"><span style="margin-left: 1em;">Only do not ask me how.”</span></div> -</div> -</div></div> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_62_62" id="Footnote_62_62"></a><a href="#FNanchor_62_62">[62]</a> He is right to some extent; the domestic rubber always -closes early.</p></div></div> - - - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<div class="center"><span class="u"> <b>ADVERTISEMENT.</b> </span></div> - - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 355px;"> -<img src="images/i-131a.jpg" width="355" height="115" alt="Whist title" /> -</div> - - - -<div class="adtitle2"> -<b>The Monthly Journal devoted to the<br /> -interests of the Game.</b><br /> -<br /> -————<br /> -<br /> -<b><i>Illustrated</i>—Price, 5/- per Annum.</b><br /></div><div class="center"> -<br /> -<b>Postage free. Payable in advance.</b><br /> -<br /> -————<br /> -</div> - -<p><b>This Magazine, which was founded in June, 1891, has already -attained an established reputation, and a world-wide circulation.</b></p> - -<p><b>It will continue the publication of recorded games, portraits -and biographies, news and correspondence relating to current -topics, in addition to reviews of new Whist Literature, Problems, -Questions and Answers, &c.</b></p> - -<p><b>The Editor’s department is directed by one of the foremost -players in America.</b></p> - -<p><b>Correspondence Columns are open for the discussion of -any interesting point.</b></p> - - -<div class="center"> -————<br /> -<br /> -<b>A Specimen Copy will be sent on receipt of 6d.</b><br /> -<br /> -————<br /> -<br /> -<img src="images/i-131b.jpg" width="369" height="34" alt="Mudie and Sons" /><br /> -AGENTS,<br /> -<b>15 Coventry Street, LONDON, W.</b><br /> -</div> - -<hr class="full" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[120]</a></span></p> -<div class="center"><span class="u"> <b>ADVERTISEMENT.</b> </span></div> - - -<div class="figright" style="width: 146px;"> -<img src="images/i-132a.jpg" width="146" height="204" alt="card" /> -</div> - - -<div class="adtitle2">FOSTER’S<br /> - -(Patent)<br /> - -Self-Playing Whist Cards.<br /> -<br /> -<small>SECOND SERIES.</small></div> - - -<div class="center"><br />————<br /> - -<b>The Cleverest and most Practical invention for teaching -good Whist.</b><br /> - -————<br /> - - -<span style="margin-right: 6em;"><b>EXERCISES IN THE LEADS</b></span><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 6em;"><b>AND IN INFERENCE.</b></span><br /> -</div> - -<div class="center">——</div> - -<p><b>One, two, or three persons can play with them exactly as if four were -present; the absentees’ cards, though dealt face down and unknown, will -play themselves exactly as if experts were present and held them. The -faces are exactly as others, and the instruction is conveyed by means of -the inferences. No hurry, no flurry, no ill-tempered criticism.</b></p> - -<div class="center"> -<br /> -————<br /> -<br /> -<span style="margin-right: 6em;"><b>GOOD FOR THE STUDENT</b></span><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 7.5em;"><b>OR THE EXPERT PLAYER.</b></span><br /> -<br /> -————<br /> -<br /> -<b>Each Pack in a Box, with Directions and Analysis of the Games.</b><br /> -<br /> -<b>Price 2/6.</b><br /> -<br /> -<i>Sent postage free on receipt of the price.</i><br /> -<br /> -————<br /> -<br /> -<img src="images/i-132b.jpg" width="432" height="37" alt="MUDIE & SONS," /><br /> -Sole Agents for Great Britain and Colonies,<br /> -<b>15 COVENTRY STREET, LONDON, W.</b><br /> -</div> - -<hr class="full" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[121]</a></span></p> -<div class="center"><span class="u"> <b>ADVERTISEMENT.</b> </span></div> - - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 586px;"> -<img src="images/i-133a.jpg" width="586" height="96" alt="Foster's Whist Manual" /> -</div> - - -<div class="center"><b>ILLUSTRATED.</b></div> - - -<div class="figleft" style="width: 278px;"> -<img src="images/i-133b.jpg" width="278" height="380" alt="book cover" /> -<div class="caption"> -<i>2nd Edition.</i></div> -</div> - -<div class="blockquot"> - -<p>“The book teaches the English -game by means of a system that is -at once lucid and striking.”—<i>Scotsman.</i></p> - -<p>“At last we have a book on Whist -that anyone can understand. The -whole presentation of the subject -is novel.”—<i>Illustrated American.</i></p> - -<p>“A complete system of instruction -presented in an intelligible -manner.”—<i>Morning Post.</i></p> - -<p>“I have been favoured with a -copy of the Lessons. The system -(which includes all the latest developments) -is most ingenious. I -regret that I am not at liberty to -reproduce it.”—Cavendish (<i>The -Field</i>, 28th Dec., 1889).</p> - -<p>“In the Manual we find practically -the series of lessons with additional -details and more complete -analysis.”—<i>The Field.</i></p></div> - -<div class="center"> -————<br /> -<br /> -<b>Cloth bound. Price 3/6.</b><br /> -<br /> -<i>Sent postage free on receipt of the price.</i><br /> -<br /> -————<br /> -</div> -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 569px;"> -<img src="images/i-133c.jpg" width="569" height="73" alt="Mudie and Sons and address" /> -</div> - - -<hr class="full" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[122]</a></span></p> -<div class="center"><span class="u"> <b>ADVERTISEMENT.</b> </span></div> - - - - -<div class="center"><b>WRITES AS A QUILL.</b></div> - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 572px;"> -<img src="images/i-134a.jpg" width="572" height="106" alt="The Squeezer Pen" /> -</div> - - -<p class="center">SUITS EVERY HAND.<br /> - -——————<br /> - - -The wide popularity of this <b>BULLION PEN</b> is<br /> -attributable to its</p> - - - -<div class="center"> -<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="title"> -<tr><td align="right"><big>GREAT—</big></td><td align="left" class="btlb"> </td><td align="left">FLEXIBILITY,<br /> -DURABILITY, and<br /> -UNIVERSAL UTILITY.</td></tr> -</table></div> - - - -<div class="center">————————<br /> - - -IT IS THE<br /> -<br /></div> -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 527px;"> -<img src="images/i-134b.jpg" width="527" height="54" alt="Ready Writer's Ideal." /> -</div> - -<div class="center">——————</div> -<div class="blockquot"> -<p>The word <b>SQUEEZER</b> is the Registered Trade Mark of the -New York Consolidated Card Company, by whose permission -it is used for the Squeezer Pen.</p></div> - -<div class="center"> -——————<br /> -<br /> -Bullion Gilt: In boxes of 1-gross at <b>5/-</b>, and ½-gross, <b>2/6</b>;<br /> -<span style="margin-left: 8.5em;">also in sample box, <b>1/-</b></span><br /> -<br /> -Also in <span class="smcap">Grey Steel</span>, <b>2/6</b> per gross.<br /> -<br /> -<i>Sent on receipt of the Price.</i><br /> -<br /> -——————<br /> -<br /></div> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 513px;"> -<img src="images/i-134c.jpg" width="513" height="36" alt="Mudie and Sons and address" /> -</div> - -<hr class="full" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[123]</a></span></p> -<div class="center"><span class="u"> <b>ADVERTISEMENT.</b> </span></div> - - - - - - - - -<div class="center"> -<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="cards and descriptions"> -<tr><td align="right"><div class="figleft" style="width: 228px;"><div class="caption">Reduced.</div> -<img src="images/i-135a.jpg" width="228" height="314" alt="card" /> -</div></td><td align="left"><div class="adtitle2">AMERICAN</div> -<div class="adtitle1">SQUEEZERS</div> -<div class="center">The best Cards in the World.<br /> - -——<br /> -Price, <b>2/6</b>; or with Gilt Edges,<br /> -<b>3/-</b> per pack.<br /> - - -——</div> -<p>It is claimed for these Cards that they -neither warp nor split, and that they can be -shuffled and dealt with more rapidly than -all imitations.</p></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"><div class="center"><b>The NEW</b></div> - -<div class="adtitle1"> -<span class="smcap"><span style="margin-right: 2em;">Patience</span><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">. . Cards:</span></span><br /> -<span class="smcap">Squeezers.</span><br /> -</div> - -<div class="center">——</div> - - -<div class="center"> -Price, 2 packs for <b>2/6</b>, in<br /> -a box, or with Gilt Edges,<br /> -2 packs for <b>3/6</b>.<br /> -</div> - -<div class="center">——</div> - -<p>Recommended for their -Novel and practical size, High -Quality, Legible Index-pips, -Rounded Corners, and Easy -shuffling.</p></td><td align="left"><div class="figright" style="width: 329px;"><div class="caption">ACTUAL SIZE</div> -<img src="images/i-135b.jpg" width="329" height="467" alt="card" /> -</div></td></tr> -</table></div> - -<p><i>Manufactured solely for</i></p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 513px;"> -<img src="images/i-134c.jpg" width="513" height="36" alt="Mudie and Sons and address" /> -</div> - - -<hr class="full" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[124]</a></span></p> -<div class="center"><span class="u"> <b>ADVERTISEMENT.</b> </span></div> - - - - -<div class="adtitle3"><span style="margin-left: 12em;">MUDIE’S ...</span></div> - -<div class="adtitle2">Whist Library.</div> - - -<p class="drop-cap">In addition to their own publications, Mudie & Sons make it their aim -to hold in stock all the recent books on Whist and kindred Games; -besides those of older date, which are of interest to Collectors of Whist -Literature. Of the former class are the works of Cavendish, Drayson, -Foster, Pembridge, Pole, Proctor; also those of the American authors -Ames, Coffin, and Hamilton.</p> - -<div class="center">——</div> - -<div class="hangsection"> - -<p>THE EVOLUTION OF WHIST. Price 5/-</p> - -<p>THE PHILOSOPHY OF WHIST. By Dr. Pole, F.R.S. Price 3/6.</p> - -<p>THE THEORY OF WHIST. By Dr. Pole, F.R.S. Price 2/6.</p> - -<p>CLAY ON WHIST (The Laws of Short Whist, by J. L. Baldwin, with Treatise -on the Game, by James Clay). Price 3/6.</p> - -<p>FOSTER’S WHIST MANUAL—The Course of Lessons. By R. F. Foster. -Price 3/6.</p> - -<p>FOSTER’S DUPLICATE WHIST AND WHIST STRATEGY. Price 5/-</p> - -<p>FOSTER’S POCKET GUIDE TO MODERN WHIST. By R. F. Foster. -Price 6d.</p> - -<p>THE CORRECT CARD. By Lt.-Colonel Campbell-Walker. Price 2/6.</p> - -<p>WHIST; OR BUMBLEPUPPY? By Pembridge. Enlarged Edition. Price 2/6.</p> - -<p>THE ART OF PRACTICAL WHIST. By Major-General Drayson, F.R.A.S. -(Enlarged Edition). Price 5/-</p> - -<p>HOME WHIST. By R. A. Proctor. Price 1/-</p> - -<p>HOW TO PLAY WHIST. By R. A. Proctor. Price 3/6.</p> - -<p>PRACTICAL GUIDE TO WHIST. By Fisher Ames. (American.) Price 2/6.</p> - -<p>MODERN SCIENTIFIC WHIST. By C. D. P. Hamilton. (American.) -Profusely Illustrated. Price 9/-</p> - -<p>HOW TO PLAY SOLO WHIST. By Wilkes & Pardon. Illustrated. 2/6.</p> - -<p>PATIENCE GAMES. By Hoffman. Illustrated. Price 5/-</p> - -<p>TRICKS WITH CARDS. By Hoffman. Illustrated. Price 2/6.</p> - -<p>HANDBOOK OF POKER. By W. J. Florence. Illustrated. Price 5/-</p> - -<p>ENCYCLOPÆDIA OF CARD AND TABLE GAMES. By Hoffman. -Price 7/6.</p> - -<p>ONE SHILLING HANDBOOKS: Piquet, Poker, Solo Whist, Whist (Dr. -Pole), Patience (3 volumes), Skat, Modern Hoyle, Card Tricks, Index to -Whist Laws.</p> - -<p>THE PROCEEDINGS OF THE FIRST AMERICAN WHIST CONGRESS, -WITH THE GAMES THERE PLAYED. Price 5/-</p></div> - -<div class="center"> -<i>Any of the above will be sent postage free on receipt of the price.</i><br /> -<br /> - -——</div> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 513px;"> -<img src="images/i-134c.jpg" width="513" height="36" alt="Mudie and Sons and address" /> -</div> - -<hr class="full" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[125]</a></span></p> -<div class="center"><span class="u"> <b>ADVERTISEMENT.</b> </span></div> - - - -<div class="center"> -<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="description and image"> -<tr><td align="left"><div class="adtitle2">THE<br /> -NEW GAME<br /> -OF<br /> -<big>PENCHANT</big>.</div> - - - -<div class="center"><br />——<br /> -<br /> - -<b>Illustrated, Cloth Bound,<br /> -Gilt Extra,<br /> -Price 3/6.</b><br /> -<br /> -——</div></td><td align="left"><img src="images/i-137.jpg" width="273" height="379" alt="Penchant book and game" /> -</td></tr> -</table> -</div> - -<p>This is the first new game for two players, played with ordinary -cards, since the introduction of Bezique about thirty years ago. It is -easily learned, is full of interest, and has several quite new features—notably -the mode of originating or preventing Trump, and the <i>Bar</i>. -This Volume contains all that is needed for self-instruction, including a -complete game played and explained, and illustrated by card diagrams.</p> -<div class="center">——————</div> -<div class="blockquot"> -<p>“An interesting game of the Bezique order.”—<i>Daily Telegraph.</i></p> - -<p>“Should be a valuable addition to the rather limited number of card -games for two players.”—<i>Land and Water.</i></p> - -<p>“The game belongs to the Bezique family, but there is more variety -in it, more play, and much more amusement can be got out of it.”—<i>Lady’s -Pictorial.</i></p> -</div> - -<div class="center">——————</div> - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 569px;"> -<img src="images/i-133c.jpg" width="569" height="73" alt="Mudie and Sons and address" /> -</div> - -<hr class="full" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[126]</a></span></p> -<div class="center"><span class="u"> <b>ADVERTISEMENT.</b> </span></div> - - - - -<div class="adtitle1"><small>MUDIE’S Improved</small><br /> - -<span style="margin-right: 6em;"><span class="smcap">Foster’s</span> <span class="smaller">(PATENTED)</span></span><br /> - -<span style="margin-left: 6em;"><span class="smcap">Whist Marker.</span></span></div> - - -<div class="center"> -<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="illustration and price"> -<tr><td align="left"><div class="figcenter" style="width: 340px;"> -<img src="images/i-138.jpg" width="340" height="141" alt="whist marker" /> -<div class="caption"><i>Illustration showing “a double and three up.”</i></div> -</div> -</td><td align="center"><span class="bigger">·</span><br /> -PRICE,<br /> -<br /> -<span class="bigger"><b>7/6</b></span> A PAIR.<br /> -<span class="bigger">·</span><br /></td></tr> -</table></div> - - -<div class="center">—————<br /> - - -<b>The only Spring-acting Marker that<br /> -shows nothing but the Score.</b><br /> - - -—————</div> - -<div> -<span style="margin-left: 12em;"><i>Three great Advantages:—</i></span><br /> -</div> -<ul class="booklist"><li>A constant level surface.</li> -<li>The score conspicuous in every position.</li> -<li>Difference in shape between tricks and points.</li> -</ul> - -<div class="center">—————<br /> - - -Press the Keys and Ivory faces instantly appear.<br /> - - -—————<br /> - - -<i>Manufactured expressly for</i><br /></div> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 526px;"> -<img src="images/i-141.jpg" width="526" height="30" alt="Mudie and sons and sddress" /> -</div> - -<hr class="full" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[127]</a></span></p> -<div class="center"><span class="u"> <b>ADVERTISEMENT.</b> </span></div> - - - - -<div class="adtitle2">FOSTER’S DUPLICATE WHIST.</div> - - -<div class="center">Not a New Game; but an Invention for eliminating the -luck from Whist Playing.</div> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 418px;"> -<img src="images/i-139.jpg" width="418" height="263" alt="box iwth game inside" /> -</div> - -<p>This most simple and effective apparatus does away with the need for any -sorting of the hands afterwards. It permits a record of the play if required -for analysis, and provides the means of testing different methods of strategy. -The hands played by A-B and Y-Z during a series of twelve games are afterwards -transposed for the after-play, so that each side should be able to win -an equal number of tricks. For the after-playing, the games may or may -not be taken in consecutive order; each side has the same number of deals -and original leads, and therefore any advantage in the score must be the -result of superior play.</p> - -<p>Brilliant games constantly escape the attention they deserve, owing to the -inconvenience of spending time in sorting the cards to their original -position. By the use of this Invention such games are preserved, and can -be played again either at once or subsequently. The entire apparatus is -easily portable, measuring (with the cards) only 9½ × 4 × 2¾-inches.</p> - -<div class="center">————</div> - - - -<div class="center"> -<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="sets and cost"> -<tr><td align="left"><b>Match Set for 12 Games, with Counters, Score Cards, and Directions</b> </td><td align="left"><b>Price 12/6</b></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"><b>Ditto, including 12 packs American Squeezer Cards</b></td><td align="left"><b>Price 25/-</b></td></tr> -</table></div> - -<div class="center">————</div> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 513px;"> -<img src="images/i-134c.jpg" width="513" height="36" alt="Mudie and Sons and address" /> -</div> - -<hr class="full" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[128]</a></span></p> -<div class="center"><span class="u"> <b>ADVERTISEMENT.</b> </span></div> - - - - -<div class="adtitle2">MUDIE’S<br /> -SQUEEZER CARD TABLE</div> - -<div class="center"><i>(REGISTERED).</i></div> - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 364px;"> -<img src="images/i-140.jpg" width="364" height="454" alt="table and top" /> -</div> - -<p>The legs are made to fold -together flat against the -table, so that it may be put -away unencumbered, ready -for immediate use; and, -when opened, the space -beneath is free from obstructions. -It has no complicated -mechanism, but -can be set up or closed -in a moment; and it -stands as firmly as a -billiard table.</p> - - - -<p><b><span class="smcap">The Squeezer Card Table</span> has been designed IN ONE PIECE specially -for the use of Piquet, Bezique, and Whist Players.</b></p> - -<div class="center"> -<i>Made in best Walnut, Inlaid Cloth, with Rolled Border.</i><br /> -</div> - - - -<div class="center"> -<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="tables and cost"> -<tr><td align="left">Size for Piquet, 26 × 31, 27in. high</td><td align="left"><b>Price 50/-</b></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Size for Whist, 31 × 31, 27in. high</td><td align="left"><b>Price 55/-</b></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">For Bezique (lower, for use with Easy chairs) 28 × 28, 22in. high </td><td align="left"><b>Price 45/-</b></td></tr> -</table></div> - -<div class="center"> -<i>Securely packed and delivered, carriage paid, to any station in the<br /> -United Kingdom.</i><br /> -</div> - -<div class="center">————</div> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 513px;"> -<img src="images/i-134c.jpg" width="513" height="36" alt="Mudie and Sons and address" /> -</div> -<hr class="full" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[129]</a></span></p> -<div class="center"><span class="u"> <b>ADVERTISEMENT.</b> </span></div> - - - - -<div class="adtitle2">THE WORKS OF “CAVENDISH.”</div> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p class="title">LAWS AND PRINCIPLES OF WHIST.</p> - -<p>Illustrated in Red and Black. New Edition, 8vo, Cloth, Gilt Extra. -Price 5/-.</p> - - -<p class="title">WHIST DEVELOPMENTS:</p> - -<p>American Leads and the Plain Suit Echo. New Edition, 8vo, Cloth, -Gilt extra. Price 5/-.</p> - - -<p class="title">WHIST, WITH AND WITHOUT PERCEPTION.</p> - -<p>8vo, Cloth, Gilt. Price 1/6.</p> - - -<p class="title">PATIENCE GAMES.</p> - -<p>With Examples Played Through. Demy oblong 4to. Illustrated in -Colours, Cloth, Gilt extra. Price 16/-.</p> - - -<p class="title">THE LAWS OF PIQUET.</p> - -<p>The Standard Treatise, adopted by the Portland and Turf Clubs. New -Edition, 8vo, Red and Black, Cloth, Gilt extra. Price 5/-.</p> - - -<p class="title">THE LAWS OF ECARTE.</p> - -<p>The Standard Treatise, adopted by the Portland and Turf Clubs. New -Edition, 8vo, Red and Black, Cloth, Gilt extra. Price 2/6.</p> - - -<p class="title">THE LAWS OF RUBICON BEZIQUE.</p> - -<p>With a Treatise on the Game. 8vo, Cloth, Gilt. Price 1/6.</p> - - -<p class="title">ROUND GAMES AT CARDS.</p> - -<p>New Edition, 8vo, Cloth, Gilt extra. Price 1/6.</p> - - -<p class="title"><big>POCKET HANDBOOKS,</big></p> - -<p>By Cavendish. Price 6d. each. Cribbage; Euchre; Bezique; Rubicon -Bezique; Polish Bezique; <b>WHIST</b> (6) Guide, Laws, Leads, Second Hand, -Third Hand, American Leads Simplified; Piquet; Ecarte; Spoil Five; Calabrasella; -Sixty-Six; Imperial; Dominoes; Draughts; Chess; Backgammon; -Turkish Draughts.</p> -</div> -<div class="center">————</div> - -<p class="center"> -<i>Any of the above works will be sent by Post on receipt of the Price.</i><br /> -</p> - -<div class="center">————</div> -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 526px;"> -<img src="images/i-141.jpg" width="526" height="30" alt="Mudie and sons and sddress" /> -</div> - - -<hr class="full" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[130]</a></span></p> -<div class="center"><span class="u"> <b>ADVERTISEMENT.</b> </span></div> - - - - -<div class="adtitle1">WHIST TACTICS.</div> - -<div class="center"><b>A COMPLETE COURSE OF INSTRUCTION</b><br /> - - -In the Methods which make some Players so much more skilful than others.<br /> -<br /> -Illustrated with<br /> -112 Hands at Duplicate Whist, played by Correspondence, between sixteen of<br /> -the best players in the world.<br /> - - -—————<br /> - - -<small>BY THE AUTHOR OF</small><br /> -<big>“FOSTER’S WHIST MANUAL.”</big><br /> - - -—————</div> - -<p>It is generally admitted that the most popular and useful book on Whist ever -written is “Foster’s Whist Manual.” Another work, by the same author, entitled -“Whist Tactics” is intended to carry players a step farther, and should enable -them to become past-masters of whist strategy.</p> - -<p>The methods which ensured the success of the “Manual” are followed in the -present work, the author first giving the examples to be practised with the actual -cards, and then explaining the principles underlying their proper management. -In the “Manual” only the simple elements of the game are treated of, such as the -leads 2nd and 3rd hand play, etc.; but in “Whist Tactics” the general management -of the entire hand is examined; the relations of the plain suits to each other and to -the trumps are shown; and certain simple, clear, and well-defined rules are given, -which will enable any player immediately to judge which course it is best to pursue -when he finds the plain suits and the trumps in certain proportions to each other.</p> - -<p>It is also shown that after one or more tricks have been played the hand must -no longer be treated on its own merits, but must be considered in its relation to the -known or inferred peculiarities of those of the three other players.</p> - -<p>The examples which the author uses throughout the work consist of 112 hands -at Duplicate Whist, which were played by correspondence between sixteen of the -finest players in America. For every card played in this match, each of the players -had a week in which to think over the situation; and the result has provided 112 examples -of the very best and most carefully studied whist ever played.</p> - -<p>The author continually refers to these illustrative hands in order to show that -certain general principles of tactics are followed by all the best players, and that it -is neither more nor less than the proper understanding and use of these tactics -which make their play so much better than that of the others.</p> - -<p>The arrangement and presentation of the subject are quite original, and entirely -different from that pursued in any other work on whist; and the publishers are -confident that it will be welcomed as the most comprehensive work ever written on -the game.</p> - -<p>Illustrated in two colours, cloth bound, gilt edges. Price 5s.</p> - -<div class="center"> -<b>Sent Postage Free on Receipt of the Price.</b><br /> -</div> - -<div class="center">——</div> -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 553px;"> -<img src="images/i-142.jpg" width="553" height="35" alt="Mudie and Sons and address" /> -</div> - - -<hr class="full" /> -<p> </p> -<p> </p> - -<div class="tnote"><div class="center"><b>Transcriber’s Note:</b></div> - -<p>Obvious punctuation errors were corrected. Sometimes the errors -were not able to be corrected as in a few opening quotes that -never closed.</p> - -<p>Page 27, “urbs” changed to “urbis” (upon it <i>urbis</i>)</p> - -<p>Page 28, “lead” changed to “led” (is led, he occasionally)</p> - -<p>Page 41, the citation “Cameron” was changed from small capitals to -italics to match the rest of the text’s layout. (—<i>Cavendish.</i>)</p> - -<p>Page 55, “suits” changed to “suit” (the suit is trumps)</p> - -<p>Page 80, Footnote 45, repeated word “of” removed from text (one of the next)</p> - -<p>Page 109, “millenium” changed to “millennium” (like the millennium)</p> - -<p>Page 109, “passsge” changed to “passage” (based on the passage)</p> - -<p>Page 113, “at” changed to “At” (At the same time)</p> - -<p>Page 123, advertisement, “Egdes” changed to “Edges” (with Gilt Edges)</p> -</div> - -<p> </p> -<p> </p> -<hr class="pg" /> -<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHIST OR BUMBLEPUPPY***</p> -<p>******* This file should be named 54135-h.htm or 54135-h.zip *******</p> -<p>This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:<br /> -<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/5/4/1/3/54135">http://www.gutenberg.org/5/4/1/3/54135</a></p> -<p> -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed.</p> - -<p>Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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