path: root/54037-0.txt

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 54037 ***

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 1.

BEWARE OF FRAUDS.

The original and only genuine “ROUGH ON RATS” is manufactured by and has
the name of Ephraim S. Wells, Jersey City. N. J., on each box. We employ
no traveling Agents, nor Peddlers. “ROUGH ON RATS” is put up only in
Boxes.]

                    Small Sample, 15c or Mouse Size.

                                 POISON!

                    The thing desired found at last!

                      SOMETHING RATS WILL EAT, ONCE
           eaten Death sure. Rats are smart but Rough on Rats
        beats them. It clears out a building in one application.

                       ROUGH ON RATS. TRADE MARK.

             Rough on Rats sure death to Rats, Mice, Flies,
               Vermin, Roaches, Water Bugs, Bed Bugs, &c.

                   Made by EPHRAIM S. WELLS, Chemist,
                           JERSEY CITY, N. J.

                 For sale by Druggists and Storekeepers
                          in 15 and 25c. boxes.

                            LABEL REGISTERED.

           *       *       *       *       *

                        Dwelling House Size, 25c.

                                 POISON!

                    The thing desired found at last!

                       _SOMETHING RATS WILL EAT._

              Rats are smart but Rough on Rats beats them.
                Clears out a building in one application.

                       ROUGH ON RATS. TRADE MARK.

             SURE DEATH to RATS, MICE, FLIES, Vermin, Ants,
               Insects, Roaches, Water Bugs, Bed Bugs, &c.

                 Made only by EPHRAIM S. WELLS, Chemist,
                           JERSEY CITY, N. J.

                 For sale by Druggists and Storekeepers
                           in 15 & 25c. boxes.

                            LABEL REGISTERED.




            Price             FIRST EDITION.             5 Cents.

                                   THE
                             SEASIDE SIBYL;
                                   OR,
                            LEAVES OF DESTINY

                       A FORTUNE TELLER IN VERSE.

                            AMERICAN EDITION

       COPYRIGHTED APRIL, 1882, BY E. S. WELLS, JERSEY CITY, N. J.




THE SIBYL’S CURE.


    For love--be you sure
    There is but one cure.

    Yourself, then, resign
    To marry, or pine!

    This grave operation
    Requires consultation.

    The Sugar and Spice
    Will make the cure nice.

    The pain in the heart
    Will quickly depart.

    I’d fain say the same
    Of every pain

    That ruffles the temper
    Or maddens the brain;

    That makes the eye dim
    Or cripples a limb;

    That mars all your beauty,
    And pleasure and duty.

    Why this should be so
    Is a puzzle to know.

    If you take my advice,
    You’ll be well in a thrice.

    Away with your lotions,
    And villainous potions--

    And, if you have sense,
    Spend a very few pence

    To make your ills fewer
    With “Wells’ Health Renewer.”




LEAVES OF DESTINY.


DIRECTIONS FOR CONSULTING THE SIBYL:--Draw for a number from slips
numbered from 1 to 100, and see corresponding number in Leaves of Destiny.

    1. You’ll meet this year on Brighton Strand,
        One destined for your heart and hand.

    2. Choose one--if you are shrewd,
        No safety lies in multitude.

    3. Endless flirtation
        Doth seem your vocation.

    4. Bracing air and embracing arms,
        Give Coney Island especial charms.

    5. Young or Old? Love or Gold?
        Hot or Cold? Given or Sold?
        Toss odd or even--you’ll be told.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 2.

BASE BALL SEASON.]

       *       *       *       *       *

A man in Chester county, Pa., has paid $125 and costs of prosecution for
thrashing a lawyer in his office, but he says the amusement was worth
every cent of it.

A malicious story is afloat to the effect that a Meriden girl went back
on her lover because he was so bow-legged she could not sit on his lap.

Emma Abbott carries a dagger on the stage that is worth $16,500. This
dagger on the stage is exceeded only by the lie off the stage.

It is said that figures won’t lie; but the figures of some women are very
deceptive, to say the least.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 3.

WELLS’ HEALTH Renewer

GOOD FOR LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.]

       *       *       *       *       *

    6. Some natures change on change of name,
        But like the rose you’ll be the same.

    7. For music and balls,
        You’ll have nursery squalls.

    8. The right one cometh from New York,
        With heart and purse as light as cork.

    9. Away with pride and cold disdain,
        Or you’ll too long a maid remain.

    10. Don’t have for motto--“Both best,”--
        But--“Choose one, look at the rest.”

    11. ’Tis simply true, tho’ now you may laugh,
        That you will worship a golden calf.

    12. This year a lover will with pride,
        Watch thee sporting in the tide.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 4.

“THE FINISH.”--JEROME PARK.]

       *       *       *       *       *

When a man dies suddenly “without the aid of a physician,” as an Irishman
once said, the coroner must be called in. If a man dies regularly after
being treated by a doctor, everybody knows why he died, and the coroner’s
inquest is not necessary.

We have just received a sample copy of a new song, entitled “Put your
arms around me, dear.” Any lady who desires to try it, can do so by
calling at our office after business hours--we mean the song.

“Union is not always strength,” as Sir Charles Napier said, when he saw
the purser mixing his rum and water.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 5.

THEY MUST GO!

Ask For ROUGH ON RATS

Trade M’rk

ASK DRUGGISTS FOR IT

15 CTS PER BOX

THEY MUST GO

ROUGH ON RATS CLEARS OUT RATS MICE BED BUGS ETC.

The thing desired found at last. Don’t die on the premises. Ask Druggists
for “ROUGH ON RATS.” It clears out Roaches, Bed-bugs, Rats, Mice, &c. 15
and 25c. Boxes.]

       *       *       *       *       *

LADIES, IT’S JUST LOVELY.

Send 10 Cents to E. S. WELLS, Jersey City, N. J., and receive by return
mail a beautiful “ROUGH ON RATS” IRON HOLDER. It’s splendid.

Also, 15 Cents for a New Chromo, in seven colors, 13 × 21 inches, elegant
for any room or office, entitled “HOUSEHOLD TROUBLES.” Best thing out.

And 10 Cents for a set of large size SCRAP BOOK CARDS in colors; amusing,
instructive, beautiful.

And 35 Cents for Song and Chorus of “ROUGH ON RATS.” This is immense.
Just out. Everybody crazy for it.

And 5 Cents for “THE SEASIDE SIBYL; OR LEAVES OF DESTINY.” A fortune
teller in verse. Filled with comic illustrations.

All together, 50 Cents.

       *       *       *       *       *

    13. At Ocean Grove you’ll forsake worldly notions,
        Drink nothing but tea and attend your devotions.

    14. A heart and fortune you will gain,
        In this summer’s grand campaign.

    15. Before you go too far,
        Be sure there’s not another side,
        The brighter side to mar.

    16. A life both long and wisely spent,
        With children to your heart’s content.

    17. Happy when single, but not content,
        You’ll marry in haste and soon repent.

    18. Lovers and books romantic--
        Music of the grand Atlantic--
        This year will make you nearly frantic.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 6.

“THE ASCENT.”--CATSKILLS.]

       *       *       *       *       *

They say when Bismarck greeted Grant, he smiled one of those fatherland
grins, held out his hand and exclaimed: “Vegates, sheneral? I vas
overcome mit gladness by myself to see you; sit mit yourself down.
Adolph, two beers, right away, quick, so helup you gracious!”

It has cost $223,000,000 to look after the Indians during the past ten
years. The Indians may be poor, but so are several persons in New York
and other large cities.

“What I’d like to know,” said a schoolboy, “Is how the mouths of rivers
can be so much larger than their heads.” The boy has evidently not yet
seen much of our congressmen.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 7.

ALL this trouble might have been avoided by the use of one FIFTEEN CENT
BOX of “ROUGH ON RATS.”

_Clears out Rats, Mice, Flies, Bed-Bugs, Ants, Roaches, Mosquitoes, &c._]

    The supper was laid on a table trim
    When out comes, roaring, my young son, Jim,
    “Oh! daddy, the rats! A dozen or two,
    Are gobbling the supper, and baby too.”
    My wife, with a scream, seized iron and broom,
    I clutched a bottle, and made for the room.
    Never was heard such a hullabaloo!
    It woke up the cat, and terrier too.
    The terrier thought we were hunting the cat,
    Got a grip of her tail, as she went for the rat.
    Jim, with his hatchet, tumbled over a pail,
    And tried to hold terrier back by the tail.
    I caught Jim by the wool, but rather too late--
    The table received such a bump from his pate
    That teapot, plates, lamp, chairs, baby and all,
    Were upset on the floor, ’mid crash and squall.
    The people about shouted “Murder! Fire!”
    And the Police rushed in the cause to inquire;
    They’d listen to nothing we wanted to state,
    But to the next station lugged me off straight.
    Swore I was drunk--nearly murdered my wife,
    And of my poor infant endangered the life,
    Broke tables, chairs, and the crockery ware;
    When the Justice said, “What a savage old bear,”
    Not heeding a word my poor wife did swear.
    Imprisoned and fined, I cursed my sad fate,
    When lately I learned, but rather too late,
    Instead of depending on traps, dogs or cats,
    My only protection was “Rough on Rats.”

       *       *       *       *       *

    19. The “Mighty Dollar” cannot buy
        The love for which in vain you sigh.

    20. Look in the glass and you will see
        Your source of power and frailty.

    21. A well known line you may transpose--
        “A thorn is always near a rose.”

    22. You nobly strive to make it known
        “’Tis bad for man to be alone.”

    23. Before the present year is out,
        Your wedding cards will be about.

    24. Drifting away, day by day!
        No one to say, “Stay! oh stay!”

    25. A heartless flirt; you’ll penance do
        For all the innocents you slew.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 8.

“UPPER TEN.”--LONG BRANCH.]

       *       *       *       *       *

A gentleman was examining an umbrella and commenting upon its fine
quality. “Yes,” said a person present, “he fancies everything he sees.”
“And,” added a third party, “is inclined to seize everything he fancies.”

If there is anything in this world calculated to make a man forget that
he’s been to hear Moodey and Sankey on the previous evening, is to bounce
cheerily out of bed in the morning and light on the business end of a
tack.

A New Jersey female institute contains thirty-four red-headed girls, and
the principal dispenses with gas and all other artificial light.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Facial Drawing Lessons.

This man _believes_ in Patent Medicines, and has used “WELLS’ HEALTH
RENEWER” to advantage.

Have you seen the Song and Chorus of “ROUGH ON RATS”?

This man _don’t believe_ in Patent Medicines; rather go to his own
Doctor. Look at him!]

       *       *       *       *       *

    26. To you, I’m afraid, it is useless to preach
        About the temptations of Rockaway Beach.

    27. Merry and free your revelry!
        Soon tired you’ll be of devilry!

    28. You’ll give up athletics;
        And take to æsthetics.

    29. On some fine day not very remote,
        You’ll meet your match on a Rockaway boat.

    30. Your head is hot, your heart is cold--
        I pity your lot when you grow old.

    31. When you’re seized with fits æsthetic,
        Take at once a strong emetic.

    32. With throbbing heart and trembling hand
        Soon at the altar you will stand.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 9.

“CLAMS.”--ROCKAWAY.]

       *       *       *       *       *

The Lady Habberton’s divided skirt for females is to be exhibited at
Kate Field’s co-operative dress association establishment in New York.
It won’t do. The only divided skirts in vogue are those worn by ballet
girls, which divide high, the upper quarter only being worn.

A New York hotel proprietor, who thought of raising his rates, has wisely
concluded to retain his present prices--$5 and $5.50 a day. This will be
hailed with gratitude by clerks and others, who make only $8 or $10 a
week.

The editor who said his mouth never uttered a lie, probably spoke through
his nose.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 10.

You can’t tickle “ROUGH ON RATS” with a straw.]

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: WELLS’ THROAT AND LUNG BALSAM

25c., 50c. and $1.00 Bottles.]

Great Triumph.--The universal success of WELLS’ THROAT AND LUNG BALSAM,
in Consumption, Coughs, Bronchitis, Asthma and Pulmonary diseases, is
attracting notice throughout the country. It is without question a
remarkable preparation, and has given abundant evidences of peculiar
efficacy in controlling Pulmonary diseases. Cures of severest forms of
long standing throat and lung affections reported every day. Relief is
immediate and certain.

_Cures Catarrhal Throat Affections._

To be Permanently Esteemed, a medicine must possess virtues so marked
as to be plainly apparent. The good name attained by WELLS’ THROAT AND
LUNG BALSAM is evidence of worth. It has proved a thoroughly reliable,
trustworthy family cough cure. Can never be given amiss. The best
possible remedy in any and all affections of Throat, Chest and Lungs.
Even if every other means fail this gives relief. The only remedy of any
service in whooping cough; being always reliable and safe, is such as one
friend can take pleasure in recommending to another.

E. S. WELLS, JERSEY CITY, N. J.

       *       *       *       *       *

    33. You’ll count amongst your future joys
        Six little girls, six little boys.

    34. Before you sip, take firm grip
        You’ll have no slip ’tween cup and lip.

    35. Your pace, I fear, is rather fast--
        Your love’s by far too hot to last!

    36. The greatest blessing you will find
        That Love should be completely blind.

    37. Inconstant as the fickle wind,
        From day to day you’ll change your mind.

    38. Newport is the grand resort.
        For those, like you, intent on sport.

    39. A blow on the pier--a plunge in the brine
        Is all that’s required to make you divine.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 11.

“THE SPRINGS.”--SARATOGA.]

       *       *       *       *       *

“Pa, I guess our man Ralph is a good Christian.” “How so, my boy?” “Why,
Pa, I read in the Bible that the wicked shall not live out half his days,
and Ralph says he has lived out ever since he was a little boy.”

“What is that dog barking at,” asked a fop, whose boots were more
polished than his ideas. “Why,” said a by-stander, “he sees another puppy
in your boots.”

A popular writer, speaking of the ocean telegraph, wonders whether the
news transmitted through the salt water will be fresh.

Spanish women are great S’noras.

       *       *       *       *       *

FALSE MODESTY.

Every one of ordinary intelligence knows that Kidney Disease, Affections
of the Bladder and Urinary Complaints, are as legitimate and common to
both sexes (all classes of society), as those involving any other portion
of the economy. Therefore, a remedy possessing unprecedented virtues
in treatment of these diseases should have a respectful hearing. If
afflicted, you will have reason to rejoice over the day you commenced the
use of PROF. CHAPIN’S BUCHU-PAIBA (see other pages). $1.00 per bottle, at
Druggists. Sent to any address on receipt of price, $1; 6 bottles, $5.

BUCHU-PAIBA.

PROF. CHAPIN’S BUCHU-PAIBA.--A quick, complete cure for all Urinary,
Kidney, Bladder and Genital Diseases, in male or female, as Paralysis,
Diabetes, Gravel, Difficulty of holding or passing Urine, Gleet,
Turbid Urine, Brick Dust and other Deposits, Stricture, Irritation,
Inflammation, Inaction, Whites, Impure or Diseased Discharges, Contagious
Diseases, Pains in the Back and Thighs, Dragging Down, Dripping,
Ulcers, Tumors, Dropsy, Enlargement of Prostate, Bloody or Puss-Matter
discharges, &c. $1.00.

CHAPIN’S INJECTION FLEUR is to be used with BUCHU-PAIBA in cases
of Impure or Diseased Discharges. Price (with Syringe), $1. His
“CONSTITUTION BITTER SYRUP,” drives all traces from the blood. Price, $1.

Either Remedy to be had of druggists, or a bottle by express, to any
address, on receipt of $1.00; 6 bottles of one kind, or assorted, $5.00.
ADDRESS,

E. S. WELLS, 22 Summit Ave., Jersey City, N. J.

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 12. A FINE HAND

WELLS THROAT AND LUNG BALSAM

BUCHU-PAIBA FOR KIDNEY TROUBLE

_WELLS HEALTH RENEWER_

_WELLS MAY APPLE PILLS_

_ROUGH ON RATS_]

A MISTAKE.--It is a mistake when medicines recommended for Kidney Bladder
and Urinary Complaints are all classed as remedies exclusively for
diseases of a questionable nature. Prof. Chapin’s Buchu-paiba, whilst it
is a specific for such diseases is the most remarkably successful remedy
extant, in complete, quick cure of _all forms_ of Kidney, Bladder and
Urinary Diseases; and, if afflicted, you make a _great mistake_ in not
trying it. $1, Druggists. Sent to any address on receipt of price, $1 per
bottle; six bottles $5, by express--can’t be sent by mail.

       *       *       *       *       *

    40. Lovers come, and quickly go
        When they find your heart like dough.

    41. The slightest rebuff makes you ready to die,
        So fatal the kick from a gay butterfly.

    42. Like Wilde, and such æsthetic guys,
        You ape an angel in disguise.

    43. When weary of sands and the wild waves’ play
        To the glorious White Mountains fly away.

    44. So rich but sad; suppose you try
        The Tonics of Adversity.

    45. Ever dreaming--never doing,
        You’ll gain nought by seaside wooing.

    46. Unless you resolve more social to be
        You must stop at home, like the Heathen Chinee.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 13.

ASBURY PARK.--“AH!”]

       *       *       *       *       *

What is the difference between a tube and a foolish Dutchman? One is a
hollow cylinder, and the other is a silly Hollander.

A man may forget his business, his family, and all the sacred obligations
of life, but he always remembers where he got that counterfeit bill.

The furniture recently sold at the Astor House in New York, was rich with
historical reminiscences and insects.

A Washington man who was treated to a “25-center,” slipped back to the
cigar store, the other day, and economically exchanged it for “three for
a quarter.”

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 14.

OWNERS OF VESSELS, TENEMENT HOUSES, FARMERS, &c. Save Hundreds of Dollars
by Using “ROUGH ON RATS.”

An entirely new discovery. Clears out (don’t die in the house) Rats,
Mice, Crows, Ants, Bed-bugs, Roaches, Musk-rats, Skunks, &c.]

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 15.

WELLS’ MAY APPLE PILLS.

10c. PACKAGES.

25c. BOXES.

MAY APPLE PLANT.

(Sometimes called Mandrake or Podophyllum.)

The extract from this plant is the chief ingredient in WELLS’ MAY APPLE
PILLS. These Pills contain no minerals; are harmless, operate easily,
yet effectively, having special tendency to the Liver and removal of
a bilious condition. If you try them you will never use any other. At
Druggists or by mail.

E. S. WELLS, JERSEY CITY.]

       *       *       *       *       *

    47. You will love and run away--
        And live to love another day.

    48. You’ll have good cause to bless the day
        Your eyes beheld the famed Cape May.

    49. You shall have a busy Summer,
        Flirting hard with each new comer.

    50. Be merry now; no more you’ll laugh
        When you have found your _bitter_-half.

    51. Your sorrow may endure a night,
        But joy will come with morning’s light.

    52. The darling of your heart’s devotion
        Is on the broad Atlantic Ocean.

    53. Cheer up! cheer up! I plainly see
        Bright golden days in store for thee.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 16.

“FOR THE IRON PIER--DIRECT.”]

       *       *       *       *       *

A paper watch, in good running order, has been exhibited by a Dresden
watch-maker. Made, we suppose, from promissory notes which had been
running on forever.

“Every Little helps,” said old man Little, when he called his wife and
two daughters out to assist him split up a cord of hickory wood.

In Alaska you can buy whisky for 14 cents a quart; and murder and
villainy are correspondingly cheap.

“Belles” call a great many people to church.

What’s in a name? D. Seaver drives a St. Louis milk wagon.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 17.

ROUGH ON RATS!

15c. per Box. Large Size, 25c.

An Economical and Complete Fly, Insect, Bug, Roach, Ant _Bed-Bug_, _Rat_,
_Mouse_ AND MOSQUITO KILLER.

A 15 cent box of “ROUGH ON RATS,” used as directed, will keep a house
free from flies and mosquitoes the entire season.

SOLD BY DRUGGISTS.]

       *       *       *       *       *

WELLS’ HEALTH RENEWER.

_Greatest Remedy on Earth!_

CURES

    HEADACHE,
      DYSPEPSIA,
        NERVOUSNESS,
          DECLINE,

    SOUR STOMACH,
      AGUE,
        NIGHT SWEATS,
          MALARIA,

    JAUNDICE,
      WIND ON STOMACH,
        HEARTBURN,
          FEMALE WEAKNESS,

    NERVOUS WEAKNESS,
      DEBILITY,
        LIVER COMPLAINT,
          IMPOTENCE,

    INDIGESTION,
      CONSTIPATION,
        WEIGHT in STOMACH,
          PILES,

    RESTLESSNESS,
      SEXUAL DEBILITY,
        FORGETFULNESS,
          CHILLS,

    WEAKNESS OF THE GENERATIVE FUNCTIONS.

       *       *       *       *       *

    54. You’ll go back, when the weather cools,
        To taffy-pulling and singing schools.

    55. Like the flow and ebb of tide
        Your spirits rise and soon subside.

    56. Bright visions rise, as this year falls,
        Of concerts, theatres and balls.

    57. At Saratoga’s famous springs
        An era bright for you begins.

    58. Sing when you’re sad
        And soon you’ll feel glad.

    59. When summer’s heat and sport are o’er
        In Florida you’ll seek for more.

    60. Avoid all that sin and cruel temptation
        Which assail all young folk in the summer vacation.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 18.

RURAL SPORTS.]

       *       *       *       *       *

A Leeds paper says that a young widow in that city, who writes well, is
training herself for an editor. Who is the editor?

Did you ever know a country town that hadn’t the best brass band in the
State?

It is difficult to tell how much a fish will weigh by looking at the
scales.

A statistician estimates that courtships average three tons of coal each.

The easiest way to pay a gas bill is to burn kerosene.

Lament of the sidewalk: “Everybody is down on me.”

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 19.

Our Occupations Gone! “ROUGH ON RATS” did it.]

       *       *       *       *       *

    61. You’re building castles in the air,
        To end in grief and dark despair.

    62. On Sea Girt beach entranced you’ll be
        By charms more rare than scenery.

    63. Sunflower, lily and daffodil
        An empty purse will never fill.

    64. Blue and white--your sole delight;
        Yellow and black are put to flight.

    65. You lack the courage to say “No,”
        Hence all your troubles here below.

    66. Lawn Tennis is the pastime sweet
        Where a life partner you will meet.

    67. Enjoy the sunshine while you may--
        Too soon the chance will pass away.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 20.

“POLO.”--NEWPORT.]

       *       *       *       *       *

A Texas Judge is credited with the following decision: “The fact is,
Jones, the jail is an old, rickety affair, as cold as an iron wedge. You
applied to this court for a release on bail, giving it as your opinion
that you would freeze to death there. The weather has not moderated, and
to keep you from freezing, I will direct the sheriff to hang you at four
o’clock this afternoon.”

“Remember,” said a trading Quaker to his son, “in making thy way in the
world, a spoonful of oil will go further than a quart of vinegar.”

The most effective way for a boy to learn a bee sees--by just putting his
finger into the hive.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 21.

WELLS’ THROAT & LUNG BALSAM

25c., 50c. and $1.00 Bottles.

The success with which WELLS’ THROAT AND LUNG BALSAM has met proves it
the most remarkable medicine of the past or present. Its effects are
so evident and well attested that it is attracting attention from all
classes of society. It is without question the most reliable remedy for
troublesome coughs that has yet appeared.

E. S. WELLS, PROPRIETOR, JERSEY CITY, N. J.]

       *       *       *       *       *

WELLS’ MAY APPLE LIVER PILLS

For Biliousness, Liver Complaint, Dyspepsia and Constipation.

The Original and Genuine are only made by

EPHRAIM S. WELLS, Chemist, Cor. Monticello & Harrison Aves. Jersey City.

These are the ones you want. You do not have to take a handful to get the
effect. They act pleasantly, properly, no griping, no calomel, no injury
in any weather or climate. Reliable, healthful, a pleasant Family Pill, a
great improvement, equally good for children or adults. The best, purest
and safest, for Headache, Indigestion, Dyspepsia, Fullness, Biliousness,
Liver Disease, &c. Purely, Strictly Vegetable, made from juices of fresh
herbs.

THEY PURIFY THE BLOOD by removing inert and effete matter from the
system, and giving activity and health to the Liver and Stomach.

CURE HEADACHE, Dullness and Depression, Want of Appetite, &c., by
relieving the overloaded Stomach and Bowels, and producing a healthy flow
of bile, stimulating the secretions and restoring the clogged up system
to healthful activity.

IF YOU ARE BILIOUS, tongue coated, bad breath, head hot, dull or
aching, stomach heavy or sour, if bowels inactive and passages hard and
occasional looseness, if your sleep is broken (tossing about in bed), if
you get up unrefreshed, if your skin is sallow, eyes yellow, if heavy,
dull pains in back and limbs, if you are drowsy, indisposed to talk or
act, if any one or more of these symptoms, take a dose of WELLS’ MAY
APPLE PILLS, and follow it up with WELLS’ HEALTH RENEWER, the greatest
tonic on the face of the globe. Pills, 25 cents. Renewer, $1.00.

Of all the organs the Liver is most commonly out of sorts, and when it is
so everything else goes wrong. The Liver is the great regulator.

The coppery taste in the mouth, the greasy feeling about the throat and
stomach, the sour stomach, the _bilious_ feeling in general, radically
relieved by these pills. Safe in any weather or climate, always
effective. They search every corner of Liver, Stomach and Bowels. If you
want a thorough Pill, use them. 25 cents per box. Then invigorate and
tone up the system with WELLS’ HEALTH RENEWER. $1.00 at Druggists.

       *       *       *       *       *

    68. Avoid whate’er your spirit vexes--
        Despise “old women” of both sexes.

    69. Smiles and tears--hopes and fears,
        The rainbow hues of early years!

    70. Sweet and bright as the month of May,
        Your life shall seem a holiday.

    71. You once extolled the “Age of Reason”--
        Your mind will change this very season.

    72. You prized too much, as you’ll confess,
        A life of single blessedness.

    73. You’ll break the heartless law of fashion,
        And own at last the tender passion.

    74. Like Oscar, and his crew,
        You are “too utterly too too.”

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 22.

“A NIBBLE.”--GLEN ISLAND.]

       *       *       *       *       *

The story is told of a New Bedford clergyman, now dead, who was asked by
an Irishman to marry him. “Why, Pat,” said the clergyman, “what have you
come to me for? Why don’t you go to the Catholic priest?” “I’ve been to
him, yer honor,” said Pat, “and he told me to go to the devil, and I’ve
come.”

They are shipping apples from Grand Rapids to Rotterdam, Holland. They
pack them so that they won’t Rotterdam bit on the way.

A Kentucky judge has decided that a man has no right to harness his wife
to a plow, no, not even with a mule. And yet women complain that they
have no rights.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: DRAWING LESSON NO. 23.

MRS. HASH--“True! I did agree to board you for ten dollars a week, but I
didn’t know you were going to take ‘WELLS’ HEALTH RENEWER’ before every
meal.”

“Well, madame, if you will purchase a box of ‘ROUGH ON RATS’ and clear
out all the rats, mice, flies, mosquitoes, roaches and bedbugs I will pay
two dollars per week extra--but I can’t think, for a moment, of giving up
the ‘RENEWER.’”]

       *       *       *       *       *

    75. Your sole recreation--
        To cause a sensation!

    76. Your photo-book will change this year,
        And former fav’rites disappear.

    77. To keep single, you’ll contrive,
        Up to prudent twenty-five.

    78. Your destiny is hard to fix,
        Bitter and sweet so freely mix.

    79. Love requited--vows well plighted!
        Hearts and hands for aye united!

    80. This year a treasure you’ll discover--
        A brownstone house and brimstone lover.

    81. The wedding bells soon merrily
        Shall ring a chime to gladden thee.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 24.

“OFF FOR A SAIL.”]

       *       *       *       *       *

John Smith was born, baptised, arrested, shot, buried, married and
sentenced to the penitentiary for life, all in one week, recently, in
Omaha. This did not prevent his having his tooth pulled, and stopping his
paper on the following Monday, either.

Indian corn in North Germany often assumes a place among the household
plants. It is regarded there as tropical. In our country it becomes
tropical only under the name of Bourbon, and then it warms a man up so
that he feels as if he were under the tropic of Capricorn.

To do business a man must have dollars and sense.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 25.]

BRAIN-NERVE.

Nervousness is the sense of feebleness, or lack of stability of the
nervous system as distinguished from the rest of the body. The number
of those in the middle or higher classes of society who, without being
ever actually sick, never know what full, rejoicing health really is--who
live constantly in a lower plane of being than is normal in man, who are
weak all over, though not specially and constantly weak in any one organ,
and who, though they may never experience piercing and grinding pain,
yet suffer at times, if not always, that profound exhaustion which in
many respects is far worse than pain--is very large, and is or has been
apparently increasing.

For this condition there is no remedy or treatment so admirably adapted
as WELLS’ HEALTH RENEWER. The evidence, daily adduced, from the thousands
who have and are using it, bear testimony to its remarkable powers as a
brain, nerve, vital and physical rejuvenator.

It may be had through all druggists at $1.00 per bottle, or a bottle sent
by express to any address on receipt of $1.00; 6 bottles $5.00.

THE EXCESSES OF YOUTH

Are drafts upon old age, payable with interest. The victims, therefore,
should lose no time in availing themselves of the remarkable restorative
properties of WELLS’ HEALTH RENEWER. It is specially designed for just
these cases and for those older who are lacking in animal vitality and
vigor. It enables the system to recuperate rapidly and supply the drain
thereon. Don’t fail to try it. It produces a complete restoration to
full power, giving to the aged or early wrecked of either sex the vigor,
buoyancy and freshness of youth. $1.00 bottle at druggists.

NIGHT SWEATS are a sign of Weakness, Decline, Wasting, _Debility_ in some
form; may arise from excesses, too much drinking, tendency to CONSUMPTION
or over-mental or physical exertion, &c. Whatever the cause they are
dangerous, a sure sign of utter breaking down.

WELLS’ HEALTH RENEWER

Will stop and break up night sweats in two to four days, often sooner,
and strengthen the entire organism against disease and premature decline.
The “RENEWER” is not a quack medicine, but an unequalled TONIC OF TRUE
MERIT.

       *       *       *       *       *

    82. Sighing and dying and wretchedly trying
    To look jolly and pleased when you’d like to be crying.

    83. When you go out to sea to fish,
    You’ll catch the very thing you wish.

    84. To Asbury Park you will repair,
    Where men may smoke and drink--the air.

    85. You soon must solve the problem grave--
    “An old one’s pet, or young one’s slave”?

    86. If they are blest, whose quiver’s full,
    Your lot shall be right joyful.

    87. Some dress to live: but you, I guess,
    Like many, only live to dress.

    88. A sphere in life you will ensure,
    Where men are true and women pure.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 26.

THE “SEASIDE SIBYL” ON THE BEACH.]

An Indianapolis cat got to playing with a small turtle the other day, and
was having a nice time tumbling it around, when suddenly the turtle’s
jaws closed on the cat’s tail. There was some very lively tumbling
then on the part of the cat, to an accompaniment of her own selection.
Two hours after she was seen examining that tail tenderly, evidently
wondering if the piece would grow out again.

“What are the churches doing for humanity?” asked Brother Talmage. Funny
he does not know; they’re getting up fairs.

Tailor measuring fat customer--“Would you hold the end, sir, while I go
around!”

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 27.

LECTURE ON “ROUGH ON RATS.”--“This is what killed your poor father.
Shun it. Avoid anything containing it throughout your future useful(?)
careers. We older heads object to its especial ‘Rough’ ness.”]

       *       *       *       *       *

    89. Tennis, polo, bathing, boating--
        Picnic, music, flirting, doting--
        These your pastimes best worth noting!

    90. When vanities bring weariness,
        You’ll seek a rural wilderness--
        Meet penance for your wickedness!

    91. Unless you’re a Mormon, or Turk,
        Contented you’ll be with this year’s work.

    92. Your seaside dreams of love and money
        Will end in country milk and honey.

    93. How sweet to thee is love’s young dream
        When gliding down the placid stream.

    94. Dear captive feet are now set free
        To skip and dance right merrily,
        As winter stealeth o’er the sea.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 28.

“THE BATH.”--OSPREY BEACH.]

“There’s a letter in the candle,” is the title of a new song. It’s a
pretty production, but yet we can’t help thinking that if the letter
stays there long it’s going to get scorched so that no one can read it.

Noisy little boys in Cincinnati are told that right in the centre of the
hind hoofs of every live mule there is a little lump of gold, which can
be easily dug out with a penknife.

There’s one pleasant thing about house cleaning. A man can straddle
himself out in the parlor for a day or two and spit on the floor without
spoiling a Brussels carpet.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 29.]

       *       *       *       *       *

    95. You’ll meet many cranks at the seaside this year--
        It must be the Comet that made them so queer.

    96. You’ll have in place of dance hall skips
        Holy greetings from brethren’s lips--
        Prayer meetings: good fellowships.

    97. The happy day is drawing nigh--
        To all your pains and cares good-bye!

    98. The summer dies, and birds of prey
        To city haunts now fly away.

    99. You’re leaving now to meet no more
        The only one you could adore.

    100. To young and old I bid farewell,
        And will next year their fortunes tell.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 30.

“THE PLACE WHERE THE GOOD FOLKS GO.”--OCEAN GROVE.]

       *       *       *       *       *

The time for a man to stand firmly by Job’s example is when he washes his
face with home-made soap and begins to paw around over the chairs with
his eyes shut, inquiring for a towel, quick, and is told that the towel
is in the drawer, but the keys are lost.

A Mexican girl living at Tusceolo has three well developed arms. She can
do up her hair without cramming her mouth full of hairpins.

Nothing does a doctor so much good as to prescribe an ocean voyage for
a sick man who can’t raise enough money to pay his street car fare down
town.

       *       *       *       *       *

IMPORTANT.

LAWS OF HEALTH.

_Patients are expected to observe the following selections from Laws of
Health._

COMMIT no excesses of any kind at any time.

KEEP regular hours; get 8 to 9 hours’ sleep, or more, in 24 hours.

EAT regularly, sparingly, and only of easily digested food, using no
highly spiced dishes, pies, pickles, little or no pork, nor ham, and no
mince pies; eat slowly, and masticate food thoroughly, and never eat a
full meal on going to bed.

THE BOWELS should move at least once in 24 hours; to secure this, use
“WELLS’ MAY APPLE PILLS.”

USE NO TOBACCO whilst under treatment.

KEEP FEET dry, and warm, and head cool.

DRINK NO ALCOHOLIC LIQUORS, ale or beer.

AVOID EXCESSIVE sexual excitement, or irregularity.

GET ALL the out-door exercise possible.

BATHE the entire person, cleansing and rubbing well, surely not less than
once a week; use warm, hot, or cold water, as best agrees with you.

CLEANSE the mouth and teeth after each meal.

BE AS JOYFUL and mirthful as possible, but avoid low minded, lewd or
vulgar companions.

PERSONS WRITING FOR ADVICE

Should enclose $5.00 for special medicines.

SPECIAL MEDICINES.

If necessary (as is sometimes the case) where disease is complicated,
special medicines will be prepared here at laboratory, and sufficient
sent, on receipt of $5.00, to last a month.

E. S. WELLS, 22 Summit Ave., Jersey City.

NO GOODS SENT C. O. D.

Money should be sent by Post Office Money Order, Registered Letter or
Express. Write your name and address plainly.

       *       *       *       *       *

(NEW STYLE LABEL ADOPTED FEB’Y, 1882.)

WELLS’ HEALTH RENEWER

Greatest of all Remedies for Impotence, Debility, OR WASTING, LIVER AND
KIDNEY DISEASES.

AN INCOMPARABLE BRAIN FOOD, Alterative and Tonic.

SKINNY MEN.

If it’s Liver Trouble, Constipation, Dyspepsia, Piles, Night Sweats,
Decline, Consumption, Palpitation, WELLS’ HEALTH RENEWER will cure you.
If lacking flesh, vital, brain DYSPEPSIA or nerve force, use “WELLS’
HEALTH RENEWER,” greatest remedy on earth for Impotence, Leanness,
Sexual Debility. Absolute cure for Nervous Debility and Weakness of the
Generative Functions. Clears Cloudy Urine, stops losses and escapes. The
great Reliable Tonic for General Debility or Special Weakness of any
function.

WEAKNESS

A complete Rejuvenator for Exhaustion, Faintness, Excesses, Advancing
Age, Ague, Chills, Female Weakness, &c.

Price $1.00.

E. S. WELLS, Chemist, Sole Manufacturer & Proprietor.

OFFICE AND LABORATORY: Library Hall, 22 Summit Ave. Jersey City, N. J.

DEPOT IN NEW YORK, 115 FULTON ST.

LABEL RECORDED.

       *       *       *       *       *

DON’T PAY MORE.--Ten cents will buy a package “WELLS’ MAY APPLE PILLS”;
best anti-bilious, cathartic, liver pills. Large packages, 25c.

       *       *       *       *       *

[NEW STYLE LABEL.]

CHAPIN’S TRADE MARK.

BUCHU-PAIBA

Kidney _and_ Urinary Cure

BUCHU-PAIBA

Catarrh _of the_ Bladder

CHAPIN’S BUCHU-PAIBA.--A quick, complete cure for Catarrh of the Bladder,
Urinary, Kidney and Bladder Diseases, in male or female, Paralysis,
Diabetes, Gravel, Difficulty of holding or passing Urine, Gleet, Brick
Dust, Gonorrhœa, Inaction, Turbid Urine, Milky and other deposits,
Stricture, Stinging, Smarting, Irritation, Inflammation, Whites, Impure
or Diseased Discharges, Pains in the Back and Thighs, Dragging Down,
Dripping, Ulcers, Tumors, &c.

Price, $1.00 Per Bottle, by express, prepaid, $1.25.

CHAPIN’S INJECTION FLEUR is to be used with Buchu-paiba, in cases of
Impure or Diseased Discharges. With Syringe, $1, at druggists, sent by
express, prepaid, for $1.25. Both by express prepaid, on receipt of $2.25.

E. S. WELLS, Prop’r, Jersey City, New Jersey, U. S. A.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: Drawing Lesson No. 31.

ASK FOR ROUGH ON RATS

15 CENT & 25 CENT BOXES.]

       *       *       *       *       *

EVENING JOURNAL PRINT, JERSEY CITY, N. J.





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