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diff --git a/old/53918-h/53918-h.htm b/old/53918-h/53918-h.htm deleted file mode 100644 index 476bb2d..0000000 --- a/old/53918-h/53918-h.htm +++ /dev/null @@ -1,7543 +0,0 @@ -<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" - "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> -<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> - <head> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> - <title> - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Woman and the Priest, by Grazia Deledda. - </title> - - <link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg" /> - - <style type="text/css"> - -body { - margin-left: 10%; - margin-right: 10%; -} - -#half-title -{ - text-align: center; - font-size: 140%; -} - -@media screen -{ - #half-title - { - margin: 6em 0; - } -} - -@media print, handheld -{ - #half-title - { - page-break-before: always; - page-break-after: always; - } -} - -@media print, handheld { -div.chapter {page-break-before: always;} -} - - h1,h2,h3 { - text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ - clear: both; -} - -h1 { - margin-top: 5em; - margin-bottom: 1em; - } - -h2 { - margin-top: 4em; - margin-bottom: 1em; - } - -p { - margin-top: .51em; - text-align: justify; - margin-bottom: .49em; -} - -.space-above5 {margin-top: 5em;} -.space-above12 {margin-top: 12em;} - -p.title { text-align:center; text-indent:0; - font-weight:normal; - line-height:1.4; margin-bottom:1.3em; } - -small { font-size:120%; } -big { font-size:160%; } - -hr { - width: 65%; - margin-top: 2em; - margin-bottom: 2em; - margin-left: 17.5%; - margin-right: 17.5%; - clear: both; -} - -hr.tb {width: 45%; margin-right: 27.5%; margin-left: 27.5%; } - -.s1 {font-size: 130%; } - -table { - margin-left: 20%; - margin-right: 20%; - width: 60%; -} - -@media handheld { - - table { - margin-left: 0; - margin-right: 0; - width: 100%;} - } - -.pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ - visibility: hidden; - position: absolute; - left: 92%; - font-size: smaller; - text-align: right; -} /* page numbers */ - -.center {text-align: center;} - -/* Images */ -.figcenter { - margin: auto; - text-align: center; -} - -/* Footnotes */ - -.footnote {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} - -.footnote .label {position: absolute; right: 84%; text-align: right;} - -.fnanchor { - vertical-align: super; - font-size: .8em; - text-decoration: - none; -} - -.ph1 {font-size:130%; text-align: left; text-indent: 5%; } -.ph3 {font-size:140%; text-align: center; margin-bottom: 2em; } - -.indent {text-align: left; text-indent: 5%; } - -/* Transcriber's notes */ - -.tnote {border: dashed 1px; - margin-left: 10%; - margin-right: 10%; padding-bottom: .5em; - padding-top: .5em; padding-left: 1em; - padding-right: 1em;} - - </style> - </head> -<body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Woman and the Priest, by Grazia Deledda - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: The Woman and the Priest - -Author: Grazia Deledda - -Translator: Mary G. Steegmann - -Release Date: January 8, 2017 [EBook #53918] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WOMAN AND THE PRIEST *** - - - - -Produced by Andrés V. Galia, Chris Curnow and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> -<img src="images/cover.jpg" width="500" height="759" alt="cover" /> -</div> - - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p> - - -<p id="half-title">The Woman and the Priest</p> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span></p> - -</div> - - -<p class="ph1"><em>Novels of To-day</em></p> - -<div class="indent"> -<p>(<em>Uniform with this volume</em>)</p> -<p>The Highbrows <em>by</em> C. E. M. Joad</p> -<p>The Age of Consent <em>by</em> Evelyn Fane</p> -<p>A French Girl in London <em>by</em> A. Orna</p> -<p>My Daughter Helen <em>by</em> Allan Monkhouse</p> -<p>People <em>by</em> Pierre Hamp</p> -</div> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span></p> - -</div> - -<h1>The Woman <em>&</em> the Priest</h1> -<p class="title"><small><em>by</em></small><br /> -<big>Grazia Deledda</big><br /> -<em>Translated from the Italian by</em></p> -<p class="ph3">Mary G. Steegmann</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 118px;"> -<img src="images/ilo_tp.jpg" width="118" height="105" alt="ilo_tp" /> -</div> - -<p class="space-above5 center"><small>Jonathan Cape</small><br /> -Eleven Gower Street, London</p> - - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span></p> - -</div> - -<p class="center"><em>First published in 1922</em></p> -<p class="center"><em>All rights reserved</em></p> -<p class="space-above12 center"><em>Printed in Great Britain by</em> -Butler & Tanner, <em>Frome and London</em>.</p> - - -<h2>CONTENTS</h2> - -<div class="center"> -<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Content"> -<tr><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">PAGE</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Translator's Note</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_5">5</a></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Chapter 1</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_7">7</a></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Chapter 2</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_29">29</a></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Chapter 3</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_51">51</a></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Chapter 4</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_71">71</a></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Chapter 5</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_89">89</a></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Chapter 6</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_111">111</a></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Chapter 7</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_129">129</a></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Chapter 8</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_147">147</a></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Chapter 9</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_163">163</a></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Chapter 10</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_177">177</a></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Chapter 11</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_195">195</a></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Chapter 12</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_213">213</a></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Chapter 13</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_227">227</a></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Chapter 14</td><td align="right"><a href="#Page_239">239</a></td></tr> -</table> -</div> - -<div class="chapter"> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span></p> -</div> - -<p class="s1 center">Translator's Note</p> - - -<p><em>The Woman and the Priest</em><a name="FNanchor_A_1" id="FNanchor_A_1"></a> -<a href="#Footnote_A_1" class="fnanchor">[A]</a> is an unusual -book, both in its story and its setting -in a remote Sardinian hill village, half civilized -and superstitious. But the chief interest lies -in the psychological study of the two chief -characters, and the action of the story takes -place so rapidly (all within the space of two -days) and the actual drama is so interwoven -with the mental conflict, and all so forced by -circumstances, that it is almost Greek in its -simple and inevitable tragedy.</p> - -<p>The book is written without offence to any -creed or opinions, and touches on no questions -of either doctrine or Church government. It -is just a human problem, the result of primitive -human nature against man-made laws it cannot -understand.</p> - -<div class="footnote"> - -<p><a name="Footnote_A_1" id="Footnote_A_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_1"><span class="label">[A]</span></a> - Translated from the Italian novel <em>La Madre</em>.</p> - -</div> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a><br /><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span></p> - -</div> - -<h2>Chapter 1</h2> - -<p>To-night again Paul was preparing to -go out, it seemed.</p> - -<p>From her room adjoining his the mother -could hear him moving about furtively, perhaps -waiting to go out until she should have -extinguished her light and got into bed.</p> - -<p>She put out her light, but she did not get -into bed.</p> - -<p>Seated close against the door, she clasped -her hands tightly together, those work-worn -hands of a servant, pressing the thumbs one -upon the other to give herself courage; but -every moment her uneasiness increased and -overcame her obstinate hope that her son -would sit down quietly, as he used to do, and -begin to read, or else go to bed. For a few -minutes, indeed, the young priest's cautious -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span> -steps were silent. She felt herself all alone. -Outside, the noise of the wind mingled with -the murmuring of the trees which grew on -the ridge of high ground behind the little -presbytery; not a high wind, but incessant, -monotonous, that sounded as though it were -enveloping the house in some creaking, invisible -band, ever closer and closer, trying to uproot -it from its foundations and drag it to the -ground.</p> - -<p>The mother had already closed the house door -and barricaded it with two crossed bars, in -order to prevent the devil, who on windy -nights roams abroad in search of souls, from -penetrating into the house. As a matter of fact, -however, she put little faith in such things. -And now she reflected with bitterness, and a -vague contempt of herself, that the evil spirit -was already inside the little presbytery, that -it drank from her Paul's cup and hovered about -the mirror he had hung on the wall near his -window.</p> - -<p>Just then she heard Paul moving about again. -Perhaps he was actually standing in front of -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span> -the mirror, although that was forbidden to -priests. But what had Paul not allowed himself -for some considerable time now?</p> - -<p>The mother remembered that lately she had -several times come upon him gazing at himself -in the glass like any woman, cleaning and -polishing his nails, or brushing his hair, which -he had left to grow long and then turned back -over his head, as though trying to conceal the -holy mark of the tonsure. And then he made -use of perfumes, he brushed his teeth with -scented powder, and even combed out his -eyebrows.</p> - -<p>She seemed to see him now as plainly as -though the dividing wall did not exist, a black -figure against the white background of his -room; a tall, thin figure, almost too tall, going -to and fro with the heedless steps of a boy, -often stumbling and slipping about, but always -holding himself erect. His head was a little -too large for the thin neck, his face pale and -over-shadowed by the prominent forehead that -seemed to force the brows to frown and the -long eyes to droop with the burden of it. But -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span> -the powerful jaw, the wide, full mouth and the -resolute chin seemed in their turn to revolt -with scorn against this oppression, yet not be -able to throw it off.</p> - -<p>But now he halted before the mirror and -his whole face lighted up, the eyelids opened -to the full and the pupils of his clear brown -eyes shone like diamonds.</p> - -<p>Actually, in the depths of her maternal -heart, his mother delighted to see him so -handsome and strong, and then the sound of -his furtive steps moving about again recalled -her sharply to her anxiety.</p> - -<p>He was going out, there could be no more -doubt about that. He opened the door of his -room and stood still again. Perhaps he, too, -was listening to the sounds without, but there -was nothing to be heard save the encircling -wind beating ever against the house.</p> - -<p>The mother made an effort to rise from her -chair, to cry out "My son, Paul, child of God, -stay here!" but a power stronger than her -own will kept her down. Her knees trembled -as though trying to rebel against that infernal -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span> -power; her knees trembled, but her feet -refused to move, and it was as though two -compelling hands were holding her down upon -her seat.</p> - -<p>Thus Paul could steal noiselessly downstairs, -open the door and go out, and the wind seemed -to engulf him and bear him away in a flash.</p> - -<p>Only then was she able to rise and light her -lamp again. But even this was only achieved -with difficulty, because, instead of igniting, the -matches left long violet streaks on the wall -wherever she struck them. But at last the -little brass lamp threw a dim radiance over the -small room, bare and poor as that of a servant, -and she opened the door and stood there, -listening. She was still trembling, yet she -moved stiffly and woodenly, and with her large -head and her short, broad figure clothed in -rusty black she looked as though she had been -hewn with an axe, all of a piece, from the trunk -of an oak.</p> - -<p>From her threshold she looked down the -slate stairs descending steeply between white-washed -walls, at the bottom of which the door -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span> -shook upon its hinges with the violence of the -wind. And when she saw the two bars which -Paul had unfastened and left leaning against -the wall she was filled with sudden wild anger.</p> - -<p>Ah no, she must defeat the devil. Then she -placed her light on the floor at the top of the -stairs, descended and went out, too.</p> - -<p>The wind seized hold of her roughly, blowing -out her skirts and the handkerchief over her -head, as though it were trying to force her back -into the house. But she knotted the handkerchief -tightly under her chin and pressed -forward with bent head, as though butting -aside all obstacles in her path. She felt her -way past the front of the presbytery, along the -wall of the kitchen garden and past the front -of the church, but at the corner of the church -she paused. Paul had turned there, and swiftly, -like some great black bird, his cloak flapping -round him, he had almost flown across the -field that extended in front of an old house -built close against the ridge of land that shut -in the horizon above the village.</p> - -<p>The uncertain light, now blue, now yellow, -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span> -as the moon's face shone clear or was traversed -by big clouds, illumined the long grass of the -field, the little raised piazza in front of the -church and presbytery, and the two lines of -cottages on either side of the steep road, -which wound on and downwards till it lost -itself amidst the trees in the valley. And in -the centre of the valley, like another grey and -winding road, was the river that flowed on and -in its turn lost itself amidst the rivers and -roads of the fantastic landscape that the wind-driven -clouds alternately revealed and concealed -on that distant horizon that lay beyond the -valley's edge.</p> - -<p>In the village itself not a light was to be -seen, nor even a thread of smoke. They were -all asleep by now in the poverty-stricken -cottages, which clung to the grassy hill-side like -two rows of sheep, whilst the church with its -slender tower, itself protected by the ridge of -land behind it, might well represent the -shepherd leaning upon his staff.</p> - -<p>The elder-trees which grew along the parapet -of the piazza before the church were bending -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span> -and tossing furiously in the wind, black and -shapeless monsters in the gloom, and in answer -to their rustling cry came the lament of the -poplars and reeds in the valley. And in all this -dolour of the night, the moaning wind and the -moon drowning midst the angry clouds, was -merged the sorrow of the mother seeking for -her son.</p> - -<p>Until that moment she had tried to deceive -herself with the hope that she would see him -going before her down into the village to visit -some sick parishioner, but instead, she beheld -him running as though spurred on by the devil -towards the old house under the ridge.</p> - -<p>And in that old house under the ridge there -was no one save a woman, young, healthy -and alone....</p> - -<p>Instead of approaching the principal entrance -like an ordinary visitor, he went straight to the -little door in the orchard wall, and immediately -it opened and closed again behind him like a -black mouth that had swallowed him up.</p> - -<p>Then she too ran across the meadow, treading -in the path his feet had made in the long grass; -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span> -straight to the little door she ran, and she put -her open hands against it, pushing with all her -strength. But the little door remained closed, -it even seemed to repulse her by an active power -of its own, and the woman felt she must strike -it and cry aloud. She looked at the wall and -touched it as though to test its solidity, and -at last in despair she bent her head and listened -intently. But nothing could be heard save -the creaking and rustling of the trees inside -the orchard, friends and accomplices of their -mistress, trying to cover with their own noises -all other sounds there within.</p> - -<p>But the mother would not be beaten, she -must hear and know—or rather, since in her -inmost soul she already knew the truth, she -wanted some excuse for still deceiving herself.</p> - -<p>Careless now whether she were seen or not, -she walked the whole length of the orchard -wall, past the front of the house, and beyond -it as far as the big gate of the courtyard; and -as she went she touched the stones as though -seeking one that would give way and leave a -hole whereby she might enter in. But everything -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span> -was solid, compact, fast shut—the big -entrance gate, the hall door, the barred -windows, were like the openings in a fortress.</p> - -<p>At that moment the moon emerged from -behind the clouds and shone out clear in a lake -of blue, illuminating the reddish frontage of -the house, which was partly over-shadowed by -the deep eaves of the overhanging grass-grown -roof; the inside shutters of the windows were -closed and the panes of glass shone like greenish -mirrors, reflecting the drifting clouds and the -patches of blue sky and the tossing branches -of the trees upon the ridge.</p> - -<p>Then she turned back, striking her head -against the iron rings let into the wall for -tethering horses. Again she halted in front of -the chief entrance, and before that big door -with its three granite steps, its Gothic porch -and iron gate, she felt suddenly humiliated, -powerless to succeed, smaller even than when, -as a little girl, she had loitered near with other -poor children of the village, waiting till the -master of the house should come out and fling -them a few pence.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span></p> - -<p>It had happened sometimes in those far-off -days that the door had been left wide open -and had afforded a view into a dark entrance -hall, paved with stone and furnished with stone -seats. The children had shouted at this and -thrust themselves forward even to the threshold, -their voices re-echoing in the interior of the -house as in a cave. Then a servant had appeared -to drive them away.</p> - -<p>"What! You here, too, Maria Maddalena! -Aren't you ashamed to go running about with -those boys, a great girl like you?"</p> - -<p>And she, the girl, had shrunk back abashed, -but nevertheless she had turned to stare curiously -at the mysterious inside of the house. -And just so did she shrink back now and move -away, wringing her hands in despair and staring -again at the little door which had swallowed -up her Paul like a trap. But as she retraced her -steps and walked homeward again she began to -regret that she had not shouted, that she had -not thrown stones at the door and compelled -those inside to open it and let her try to rescue -her son. She repented her weakness, stood -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span> -still, irresolute, turned back, then homewards -again, drawn this way and that by her tormenting -anxiety, uncertain what to do: until at last -the instinct of self-preservation, the need of -collecting her thoughts and concentrating her -strength for the decisive battle, drove her home -as a wounded animal takes refuge in its lair.</p> - -<p>The instant she got inside the presbytery she -shut the door and sat down heavily on the -bottom stair. From the top of the staircase -came the dim flickering light of the lamp, and -everything within the little house, up to now -as steady and quiet as a nest built in some -crevice of the rocks, seemed to swing from side -to side: the rock was shaken to its foundations -and the nest was falling to the ground.</p> - -<p>Outside the wind moaned and whistled more -loudly still; the devil was destroying the -presbytery, the church, the whole world of -Christians.</p> - -<p>"Oh Lord, oh Lord!" wailed the mother, -and her voice sounded like the voice of some -other woman speaking.</p> - -<p>Then she looked at her own shadow on the -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span> -staircase wall and nodded to it. Truly, she -felt that she was not alone, and she began to -talk as though another person were there with -her, listening and replying.</p> - -<p>"What can I do to save him?"</p> - -<p>"Wait here till he comes in, and then speak -to him plainly and firmly whilst you are still -in time, Maria Maddalena."</p> - -<p>"But he would get angry and deny it all. -It would be better to go to the Bishop and beg -him to send us away from this place of perdition. -The Bishop is a man of God and knows the -world. I will kneel at his feet; I can almost -see him now, dressed all in white, sitting in his -red reception room, with his golden cross -shining on his breast and two fingers raised in -benediction. He looks like our Lord Himself! I -shall say to him: Monsignore, you know that -the parish of Aar, besides being the poorest -in the kingdom, lies under a curse. For nearly -a hundred years it was without a priest and -the inhabitants forgot God entirely; then at -last a priest came here, but Monsignore knows -what manner of man he was. Good and holy -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span> -till he was fifty years of age: he restored the -presbytery and the church, built a bridge -across the river at his own expense, and went -out shooting and shared the common life of -the shepherds and hunters. Then suddenly -he changed and became as evil as the devil. -He practised sorcery. He began to drink and -grew overbearing and passionate. He used to -smoke a pipe and swear, and he would sit on -the ground playing cards with the worst -ruffians of the place, who liked him and -protected him, however, and for this very -reason the others let him alone. Then, during -his latter years, he shut himself up in the -presbytery all alone without even a servant, -and he never went outside the door except to -say Mass, but he always said it before dawn, -so that nobody ever went. And they say he -used to celebrate when he was drunk. His -parishioners were too frightened to bring any -accusation against him, because it was said -that he was protected by the devil in person. -And then when he fell ill there was not a -woman who would go and nurse him. Neither -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span> -woman nor man, of the decent sort, went to -help him through his last days, and yet at -night every window in the presbytery was -lighted up; and the people said that during -those last nights the devil had dug an underground -passage from this house to the river, -through which to carry away the mortal remains -of the priest. And by this passage the spirit of -the priest used to come back in the years that -followed his death and haunt the presbytery, so -that no other priest would ever come to live -here. A priest used to come from another -village every Sunday to say Mass and bury the -dead, but one night the spirit of the dead priest -destroyed the bridge, and after that for ten -years the parish was without a priest, until my -Paul came. And I came with him. We found -the village and its inhabitants grown quite wild -and uncivilized, without faith at all, but -everything revived again after my Paul came, -like the earth at the return of the spring. But -the superstitious were right, disaster will fall -upon the new priest because the spirit of the -old one still reigns in the presbytery. Some -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span> -say that he is not dead and that he lives in an -underground dwelling communicating with the -river. I myself have never believed in such -tales, nor have I ever heard any noises. For -seven years we have lived here, my Paul and -I, as in a little convent. Until a short time -ago Paul led the life of an innocent child, he -studied and prayed and lived only for the good -of his parishioners. Sometimes he used to play -the flute. He was not merry by nature, but he -was calm and quiet. Seven years of peace and -plenty have we had, like those in the Bible. -My Paul never drank, he did not go out -shooting, he did not smoke and he never looked -at a woman. All the money he could save he -put aside to rebuild the bridge below the -village. He is twenty-eight years old, is my Paul, -and now the curse has fallen upon him. A -woman has caught him in her net. Oh, my -Lord Bishop, send us away from here; save my -Paul, for otherwise he will lose his soul as did -the former priest! And the woman must be -saved, too. After all, she is a woman living -alone and she has her temptations also in that -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span> -lonely house, midst the desolation of this little -village where there is nobody fit to bear her -company. My Lord Bishop, your Lordship -knows that woman, you were her guest with -all your following when you came here on -your pastoral visitation. There is room and -stuff to spare, in that house! And the woman -is rich, independent, alone, too much alone! -She has brothers and a sister, but they are all -far away, married and living in other countries. -She remained here alone to look after the -house and the property, and she seldom goes -out. And until a little while ago my Paul did -not even know her. Her father was a strange -sort of man, half gentleman, half peasant, a -hunter and a heretic. He was a friend of the -old priest, and I need say no more. He never -went to church, but during his last illness he -sent for my Paul, and my Paul stayed with him -till he died and gave him a funeral such as had -never been seen in these parts. Every single -person in the village went to it, even the babies -were carried in their mothers' arms. Then -afterwards my Paul went on visiting the only -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span> -survivor of that household. And this orphan -girl lives alone with bad servants. Who directs -her, who advises her? Who is there to help -her if we do not?"</p> - -<p>Then the other woman asked her:</p> - -<p>"Are you certain of this, Maria Maddalena? -Are you really sure that what you think is -true? Can you actually go before the Bishop -and speak thus about your son and that other -person, and prove it? And suppose it should -not be true?"</p> - -<p>"Oh Lord, oh Lord!"</p> - -<p>She buried her face in her hands, and -immediately there rose before her the vision -of her Paul and the woman together in a -ground-floor room in the old house. It was -a very large room looking out into the orchard, -with a domed ceiling, and the floor was of -pounded cement with which small sea-shells and -pebbles had been mixed; on one side was an -immense fireplace, to right and left of which -stood an arm-chair and in front was an antique -sofa. The white-washed walls were adorned -with arms, stags' heads and antlers, and -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span> -paintings whose blackened canvases hung in -tatters, little of the subjects being distinguishable -in the shadows save here and there a -dusky hand, some vestige of a face, of a woman's -hair, or bunch of fruit.</p> - -<p>Paul and the woman were seated in front of -the fire, clasping each other's hands.</p> - -<p>"Oh, my God!" came the mother's moaning -cry.</p> - -<p>And in order to banish that diabolic vision -she evoked another. It was the same room -again, but illumined now by the greenish light -that came through the barred window looking -out over the meadow and the door which -opened direct from the room into the orchard, -and through which she saw the trees and -foliage gleaming, still wet with the autumn -dew. Some fallen leaves were blown softly -about the floor and the chains of the antique -brass lamp that stood upon the mantelshelf -swung to and fro in the draught. Through a -half-open door on the other side she could see -other rooms, all somewhat dark and with closed -windows.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span></p> - -<p>She stood there waiting, with a present of -fruit which her Paul had sent to the mistress -of the house. And then the mistress came, -with a quickened step and yet a little shy; she -came from the dark rooms, dressed in black, -her pale face framed between two great knots -of black plaits, and her thin white hands -emerging from the shadows like those in the -pictures on the wall.</p> - -<p>And even when she came close and stood in -the full light of the room there was about her -small slender figure something evanescent, -doubtful. Her large dark eyes fell instantly -on the basket of fruit standing on the table, -then turned with a searching look upon the -woman who stood waiting, and a swift smile, -half joy, half contempt, passed over the sad -and sensual curves of her lips.</p> - -<p>And in that moment, though she knew not -how or why, the first suspicion stirred in the -mother's heart.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>She could not have explained the reason -why, but her memory dwelt on the eagerness -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span> -with which the girl had welcomed her, making -her sit down beside her and asking for news of -Paul. She called him Paul as a sister might -have done, but she did not treat her as though -she were their common mother, but rather as -a rival who must be flattered and deceived. -She ordered coffee for her, which was served -on a large silver tray by a barefoot maid whose -face was swathed like an Arab's. She talked -of her two brothers, both influential men living -far away, taking secret delight in picturing -herself between these two, as between columns -supporting the fabric of her solitary life. And -then at last she led the visitor out to see the -orchard, through the door opening straight -from the room.</p> - -<p>Big purple figs covered with a silver sheen, -pears, and great bunches of golden grapes hung -amidst the vivid green of the trees and vines. -Why should Paul send a gift of fruit to one -who possessed so much already?</p> - -<p>Even now, sitting on the stairs in the dim -light of the flickering lamp, the mother could -see again the look, at once ironical and tender, -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span> -which the girl had turned upon her as she bade -her farewell, and the manner in which she -lowered her heavy eyelids as though she knew -no other way of hiding the feelings her eyes -betrayed too plainly. And those eyes, and -that way of revealing her soul in a sudden flash -of truth and then instantly drawing back into -herself again, was extraordinarily like Paul. So -much so that during the days following, when -because of his manner and his reserve her -suspicions grew and filled her heart with fear, -she did not think with any hatred of the woman -who was leading him into sin, but she thought -only of how she might save her too, as though -it had been the saving of a daughter of her -own.</p> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span></p> - -</div> - -<h2>Chapter 2</h2> - -<p>Autumn and winter had passed without -anything happening to confirm her -suspicions, but now with the return of the -spring, with the blowing of the March winds, -the devil took up his work again.</p> - -<p>Paul went out at night, and he went to the -old house.</p> - -<p>"What shall I do, how can I save him?"</p> - -<p>But the wind only mocked at her in reply, -shaking the house door with its furious -blasts.</p> - -<p>She remembered their first coming to the -village, immediately after Paul had been -appointed parish priest here. For twenty -years she had been in service and had resisted -every temptation, every prompting and instinct -of nature, depriving herself of love, even of -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span> -bread itself, in order that she might bring up -her boy rightly and set him a good example. -Then they came here, and just such a furious -wind as this had beset them on their journey. -It had been springtime then, too, but the -whole valley seemed to have slipped back into -the grip of winter. Leaves were blown hither -and thither, the trees bent before the blast, -leaning one against another, as though gazing -fearfully at the battalions of black clouds -driving rapidly across the sky from all parts -of the horizon, while large hailstones fell and -bruised the tender green.</p> - -<p>At the point where the road turns, over-looking -the valley, and then descends towards -the river, there was such a sudden onslaught -of wind that the horses came to a dead stop, -pricking their ears and neighing with fear. -The storm shook their bridles like some bandit -who had seized their heads to stop them that -he might rob the travellers, and even Paul, -although apparently he was enjoying the -adventure, had cried out with vague superstition -in his voice:</p> - -<p> -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span></p> - -<p>"It must be the evil spirit of the old priest -trying to prevent us coming here!"</p> - -<p>But his words were lost in the shrill whistling -of the wind, and although he smiled a little -ruefully, a one-sided smile that touched but -one corner of his lips, his eyes were sad as they -rested on the village which now came in sight, -like a picture hanging on the green hill-side on -the opposite slope of the valley beyond the -tumbling stream.</p> - -<p>The wind dropped a little after they had -crossed the river. The people of the village, -who were as ready to welcome the new priest -as though he were the Messiah, were all -gathered together in the piazza before the -church, and on a sudden impulse a group of -the younger men amongst them had gone -down to meet the travellers on the river bank. -They descended the hill like a flight of young -eagles from the mountains, and the air resounded -with their merry shouts. When they -reached their parish priest they gathered round -him and bore him up the hill in triumph, -every now and then firing their guns into the -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span> -air as a mark of rejoicing. The whole valley -echoed with their cheering and firing, the -wind itself was pacified and the weather began -to clear up.</p> - -<p>Even in this present hour of anguish the -mother's heart swelled with pride when she -recalled that other hour of triumph. Again -she seemed to be living in a dream, to be borne -as though on a cloud by those noisy youths, -while beside her walked her Paul, so boyish -still, but with a look half divine upon his face -as those strong men bowed before him with -respect.</p> - -<p>Up and up they climbed. Fireworks were -being let off on the highest and barest point of -the ridge, the flames streaming out like red -banners against the background of black clouds -and casting their reflections on the grey village, -the green hill-side and the tamarisks and elder-trees -that bordered the path.</p> - -<p>Up and still up they went. Over the parapet -of the piazza leaned another wall of human -bodies and eager faces crowned with men's -caps or framed in women's kerchiefs with long -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span> -fluttering fringes. The children's eyes danced -with delight at the unwonted excitement, and -on the edge of the ridge the figures of the boys -tending the fireworks looked like slender black -demons in the distance.</p> - -<p>Through the wide-open door of the church -the flames of the lighted candles could be seen -trembling like narcissi in the wind; the bells -were ringing loudly, and even the clouds in the -pale silvery sky seemed to have gathered round -the tower to watch and wait.</p> - -<p>Suddenly a cry rang out from the little -crowd: "Here he is! Here he is!... And -he looks like a saint!"</p> - -<p>There was nothing of a saint about him, -however, except that air of utter calm: he -did not speak, he did not even acknowledge -the people's greetings, he seemed in no way -moved by that popular demonstration: he -only pressed his lips tightly together and bent -his eyes upon the ground with a slight frown, as -though tired by the burden of that heavy brow. -Then suddenly, when they had reached the -piazza and were surrounded by the welcoming -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span> -throng, the mother saw him falter as though -about to fall, a man supported him for an -instant, then immediately he recovered his -balance and turning swiftly into the church -he fell on his knees before the altar and began -to intone the evening prayer.</p> - -<p>And the weeping women gave the responses.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The poor women wept, but their tears were -the happy tears of love and hope and the -longing for a joy not of this world, and the -mother felt the balm of those tears falling on -her heart even in this hour of her grief. Her -Paul! Her love, her hope, the embodiment -of her desire for unearthly joy! And now the -spirit of evil was drawing him away, and she -sat there at the bottom of the staircase as at -the bottom of a well, and made no effort to -rescue him.</p> - -<p>She felt she was suffocating, her heart was -heavy as a stone. She got up in order to breathe -more easily, and mounting the stairs she picked -up the lamp and held it aloft as she looked -round her bare little room, where a wooden -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span> -bedstead and a worm-eaten wardrobe kept -each other company as the only furniture in -the place. It was a room fit only for a servant—she -had never desired to better her lot, content -to find her only wealth in being the mother -of her Paul.</p> - -<p>Then she went into his room with its white -walls and the narrow virginal bed. This -chamber had once been kept as simple and -tidy as that of a girl; he had loved quiet, -silence, order, and always had flowers upon his -little writing-table in front of the window. -But latterly he had not cared about anything: -he had left his drawers and cupboards open -and his books littered about on the chairs -or even on the floor.</p> - -<p>The water in which he had washed before -going out exhaled a strong scent of roses: a -coat had been flung off carelessly and lay on -the floor like a prostrate shadow of himself. -That sight and that scent roused the mother -from her preoccupation: she picked up the -coat and thought scornfully that she would be -strong enough even to pick up her son himself. -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span> -Then she tidied the room, clattering to and -fro without troubling now to deaden the sound -of her heavy peasant shoes. She drew up to -the table the leather chair in which he sat to -read, thumping it down on the floor as though -ordering it to remain in its place awaiting -the speedy return of its master. Then she -turned to the little mirror hanging beside -the window....</p> - -<p>Mirrors are forbidden in a priest's house, he -must forget that he has a body. On this point, -at least, the old priest had observed the law, -and from the road he could have been seen -shaving himself by the open window, behind -the panes of which he had hung a black cloth -to throw up the reflection. But Paul, on the -contrary, was attracted to the mirror as to a -well from whose depths a face smiled up at -him, luring him down to perish. But it was -the mother's own scornful face and threatening -eyes that the little mirror reflected now, and -with rising anger she put out her hand and -tore it from its nail. Then she flung the -window wide open and let the wind blow in to -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span> -purify the room: the books and papers on -the table seemed to come alive, twisting and -circling into every corner, the fringe of the -bed-cover shook and waved and the flame of -the lamp flickered almost to extinction.</p> - -<p>She gathered up the books and papers and -replaced them on the table. Then she noticed -an open Bible, with a coloured picture that -she greatly admired, and she bent down to -examine it more closely. There was Jesus the -Good Shepherd watering His sheep at a spring -in the midst of a forest. Between the trees, -against the background of blue sky, could be -seen a distant city, red in the light of the setting -sun, a holy city, the City of Salvation.</p> - -<p>There had been a time when he used to -study far into the night; the stars over the -ridge looked in at his window and the nightingales -sang him their plaintive notes. For the -first year after they came to the village he -often talked of leaving and going back into -the world: then he settled down into a sort -of waking sleep, in the shadow of the ridge and -the murmur of the trees. Thus seven years -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span> -passed, and his mother never suggested they -should move elsewhere, for they were so happy -in the little village that seemed to her the most -beautiful in all the world, because her Paul -was its saviour and its king.</p> - -<p>She closed the window and replaced the -mirror, which showed her now her own face -grown white and drawn, her eyes dim with -tears. Again she asked herself if perhaps she -were not mistaken. She turned towards a -crucifix which hung on the wall above a -kneeling-stool, raising the lamp above her head -that she might see it better; and midst the -shadows that her movements threw on the -wall it seemed as though the Christ, thin and -naked, stretched upon the Cross, bowed His -head to hear her prayer. And great tears -coursed down her face and fell upon her dress, -heavy as tears of blood.</p> - -<p>"Lord, save us all! Save Thou me, even -me. Thou Who hangest there pale and bloodless, -Thou Whose Face beneath its crown of -thorns is sweet as a wild rose, Thou Who art -above our wretched passions, save us all!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span></p> - -<p>Then she hurried out of the room and went -downstairs. She passed through the tiny -dining-room, where drowsy flies, startled by -the lamp, buzzed heavily round and the -howling wind and swaying trees outside beat -like rain upon the small, high window and -thence into the kitchen, where she sat down -before the fire, already banked up with cinders -for the night. Even there the wind seemed -to penetrate by every crack and cranny, so -that instead of being in the long low kitchen, -whose uneven ceiling was supported by smoke-blackened -beams and rafters, she felt as if she -were in a rocking boat adrift on a stormy sea. -And although determined to wait up for her -son and begin the battle at once, she still -fought against conviction and tried to persuade -herself that she was mistaken.</p> - -<p>She felt it unjust that God should send her -such sorrow, and she went back over her past -life, day by day, trying to find some reason -for her present unhappiness; but all her days -had passed hard and clean as the beads of the -rosary she held in her shaking fingers. She -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span> -had done no wrong, unless perchance sometimes -in her thoughts.</p> - -<p>She saw herself again as an orphan in the -house of poor relations, in that same village, ill-treated -by every one, toiling barefoot, bearing -heavy burdens on her head, washing clothes -in the river, or carrying corn to the mill. An -elderly man, a relative of hers, was employed -by the miller, and each time she went down -to the mill, if there was nobody to see him, -he followed her into the bushes and tufts of -tamarisk and kissed her by force, pricking her -face with his bristly beard and covering her -with flour. When she told of this, the aunts -with whom she lived would not let her go to -the mill again. Then one day the man, who -ordinarily never came up to the village, -suddenly appeared at the house and said he -wished to marry the girl. The other members -of the family laughed at him, slapped him on -the back and brushed the flour off his coat -with a broom. But he took no notice of their -jests and kept his eyes fixed on the girl. At -last she consented to marry him, but she -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span> -continued to live with her relations and went -down each day to the mill to see her husband, -who always gave her a small measure of flour -unknown to his master. Then one day as she -was going home with her apron full of flour -she felt something move beneath it. Startled, -she dropped the corners of her apron and all -the flour was scattered, and she was so giddy -that she had to sit down on the ground. She -thought it was an earthquake, the houses -rocked before her eyes, the path went up and -down and she flung herself prone on the -floury grass. Then she got up and ran home -laughing, yet afraid, for she knew she was -with child.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>She was left a widow before her Paul was -old enough to talk, but his bright baby eyes -followed her everywhere, and she had mourned -for her husband as for a good old man who had -been kind to her, but nothing more. She was -soon consoled, however, for a cousin proposed -that they should go together to the town and -there take service.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span></p> - -<p>"In that way you will be able to support -your boy, and later on you can send for him -and put him to school."</p> - -<p>And so she worked and lived only for him.</p> - -<p>She had lacked neither the occasion nor the -inclination to indulge in pleasures, if not in -sin. Master and servants, peasant and townsman, -all had tried to catch her as once the old -kinsman had caught her amongst the tamarisks. -Man is a hunter and woman his prey, but she -had succeeded in evading all pitfalls and keeping -herself pure and good, since she already looked -on herself as the mother of a priest. Then -wherefore now this chastisement, O Lord?</p> - -<p>She bowed her weary head and the tears -rolled down her face and fell on the rosary in -her lap.</p> - -<p>Gradually she grew drowsy, and confused -memories floated through her mind. She -thought she was in the big warm kitchen of the -Seminary, where she had been servant for -ten years and where she had succeeded in -getting her Paul admitted as student. Black -figures went silently to and fro, and in the -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span> -passage outside she could hear the smothered -laughter and larking the boys indulged in -when there was nobody to reprove them. -Tired to death, she sat beside a window -opening on to a dark yard, a duster on her -lap, but too weary to move so much as a finger -towards her work. In the dream, too, she -was waiting for Paul, who had slipped out of -the Seminary secretly without telling her where -he was going.</p> - -<p>"If they find out they will expel him at -once," she thought, and she waited anxiously -till the house was quite quiet that she might -let him in without being observed.</p> - -<p>Suddenly she awoke and found herself back -in the narrow presbytery kitchen, shaken by -the wind like a ship at sea, but the impression -of the dream was so strong that she felt on -her lap for the duster and listened for the -smothered laughter of the boys knocking each -other about in the passage. Then in a moment -reality gripped her again, and she thought -Paul must have come in while she was fast -asleep and thus succeeded in escaping her -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span> -notice. And actually, midst all the creakings -and shaking caused by the wind, she could -hear steps inside the house: some one was -coming downstairs, crossing the ground-floor -rooms, entering the kitchen. She thought she -was still dreaming when a short, stout priest, -with a week's growth of beard upon his chin, -stood before her and looked her in the face -with a smile. The few teeth he had left were -blackened with too much smoking, his light-coloured -eyes pretended to be fierce, but she -could tell that he was really laughing, and -immediately she knew him for the former -priest—but still she did not feel afraid.</p> - -<p>"It is only a dream," she told herself, but -in reality she knew she only said that to give -herself courage and that it was no phantom, -but a fact.</p> - -<p>"Sit down," she said, moving her stool -aside to make room for him in front of the -fire. He sat down and drew up his cassock a -little, exhibiting a pair of discoloured and -worn blue stockings.</p> - -<p>"Since you are sitting here doing nothing, -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span> -you might mend my stockings for me, Maria -Maddalena: I have no woman to look after -me," he said simply. And she thought to -herself:</p> - -<p>"Can this be the terrible priest? That -shows I am still dreaming."</p> - -<p>And then she tried to make him betray -himself:</p> - -<p>"If you are dead you have no need of -stockings," she said.</p> - -<p>"How do you know I am dead? I am very -much alive, on the contrary, and sitting here. -And before long I am going to drive both you -and your son out of my parish. It was a bad -thing for you, coming here, you had better -have brought him up to follow his father's -trade. But you are an ambitious woman, and -you wanted to come back as mistress where -you had lived as a servant: so now you will -see what you have gained by it!"</p> - -<p>"We will go away," she answered humbly -and sadly. "Indeed, I want to go. Man or -ghost, whatever you are, have patience for a -few days and we shall be gone."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span></p> - -<p>"And where can you go?" said the old -priest. "Wherever you go it will be the same -thing. Take rather the advice of one who -knows what he is talking about and let your -Paul follow his destiny. Let him know the -woman, otherwise the same thing will befall -him that befell me. When I was young I -would have nothing to do with women, nor -with any other kind of pleasure. I only thought -of winning Paradise, and I failed to perceive -that Paradise is here on earth. When I did -perceive it, it was too late: my arm could no -longer reach up to gather the fruit of the tree -and my knees would not bend that I might -quench my thirst at the spring. So then I -began to drink wine, to smoke a pipe and to -play cards with all the rascals of the place. -You call them rascals, but I call them honest -lads who enjoy life as they find it. It does -one good to be in their company, it diffuses -a little warmth and merriment, like the company -of boys on a holiday. The only difference -is that it is always holiday for them, and -therefore they are even merrier and more -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span> -careless than the boys, who cannot forget that -they must soon go back to school."</p> - -<p>While he was talking thus the mother -thought to herself:</p> - -<p>"He is only saying these things in order to -persuade me to leave my Paul alone and let -him be damned. He has been sent by his -friend and master, the Devil, and I must be -on my guard."</p> - -<p>Yet, in spite of herself, she listened to him -readily and found herself almost agreeing with -what he said. She reflected that, in spite of -all her efforts, Paul too might "take a holiday," -and instinctively her mother's heart instantly -sought excuses for him.</p> - -<p>"You may be right," she said with increased -sadness and humility, which now, however, -was partly pretence. "I am only a poor, -ignorant woman and don't understand very -much: but one thing I am sure of, that God -sent us into the world to suffer."</p> - -<p>"God sent us into the world to enjoy it. -He sends suffering to punish us for not having -understood how to enjoy, and that is the truth, -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span> -you fool of a woman! God created the world -with all its beauty and gave it to man for his -pleasure: so much the worse for him if he -does not understand! But why should I -trouble to explain this to you—all I mind about -is turning you out of this place, you and your -Paul, and so much the worse for you if you -want to stop!"</p> - -<p>"We are going, never fear, we are going -very soon. That I can promise you, for it's -my wish, too."</p> - -<p>"You only say that because you are afraid -of me. But you are wrong to be afraid. You -think that it was I who prevented your feet -from walking and your matches from striking: -and perhaps it was I, but that is not to say -that I mean any harm to you or your Paul. -I only want you to go away. And mind, if -you do not keep your word you will be sorry! -Well, you will see me again and I shall remind -you of this conversation. Meanwhile, I will -leave you my stockings to mend."</p> - -<p>"Very well, I will mend them."</p> - -<p>"Then shut your eyes, for I don't choose -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span> -that you should see my bare legs. Ha, ha!" -he laughed, pulling off one shoe with the toe -of the other and bending down to draw off -his stockings, "no woman has ever seen my -bare flesh, however much they have slandered -me, and you are too old and ugly to be -the first. Here is one stocking, and here is -the other; I shall come and fetch them -soon...."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>She opened her eyes with a start. She was -alone again, in the kitchen with the wind -howling round it.</p> - -<p>"O Lord, what a dream!" she murmured -with a sigh. Nevertheless, she stooped to look -for the stockings, and she thought she heard -the faint footfall of the ghost as it passed out -of the kitchen, vanishing through the closed -door.</p> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a><br /><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span></p> - -</div> - -<h2>Chapter 3</h2> - -<p>When Paul left the woman's house and -found himself out in the meadow again -he too had the sensation that there was something -alive, something ghostly, undefinable in -the wind. It buffeted him about and chilled -him through and through after his ardent dream -of love, and as it twisted and flattened his coat -against his body he thought with a quiver of the -woman clinging to him in a passionate embrace.</p> - -<p>When he turned the corner by the church -the fury of the wind forced him to stop for a -moment, with head bent before the blast, one -hand holding on his hat and the other clutching -his coat together. He had no breath left, and -giddiness overcame him as it had overcome his -young mother that far-off day on the way from -the mill.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span></p> - -<p>And with mingled excitement and loathing he -felt that something terrible and great was born -in him at that moment: for the first time he -realized clearly and unmistakably that he loved -Agnes with an earthly love, and that he gloried -in this love.</p> - -<p>Until a few hours ago he had been under a -delusion, persuading both himself and her that -his love was purely spiritual. But he had to -admit that it was she who had first let her gaze -linger upon him, that from their earliest meeting -her eyes had sought his with a look that -implored his help and his love. And little by -little he had yielded to the fascination of that -appeal, had been drawn to her by pity, and the -solitude that surrounded her had brought -them together.</p> - -<p>And after their eyes had met their hands had -sought and found each other, and that night -they had kissed. And now his blood, which -had flowed quietly so many years, rushed -through his veins like liquid fire and the -weak flesh yielded, at once the vanquished -and the victor.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span></p> - -<p>The woman had proposed that they two -should secretly leave the village and live or -die together. In the intoxication of the -moment he had agreed to the proposal and -they were to meet again the following night -to settle their plans. But now the reality of -the outside world, and that wind that seemed -trying to strip him bare, tore away the veil -of self-deception. Breathless, he stood before -the church door; he was icy cold, and felt as -though he were standing naked there in the -midst of the little village, and that all his poor -parishioners, sleeping the sleep of the weary, -were beholding him thus in their dreams, -naked, and black with sin.</p> - -<p>Yet all the time he was thinking how best -to plan his flight with the woman. She had -told him that she possessed much money.... -Then suddenly he felt impelled to go back to -her that instant and dissuade her; he actually -walked a few steps beside the wall where his -mother had passed shortly before, then turned -back in despair and fell on his knees in front -of the church door and leaned his head against -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span> -it, crying low, "O God, save me!" and his -black cloak was blown flapping about his -shoulders as he knelt there, like a vulture nailed -alive upon the door.</p> - -<p>His whole soul was fighting savagely, with -a violence greater even than that of the wind -on those high hills; it was the supreme struggle -of the blind instinct of the flesh against the -dominion of the spirit.</p> - -<p>After a few moments he rose to his feet, -uncertain still which of the two had conquered. -But his mind was clearer and he -recognized the real nature of his motives, -confessing to himself that what swayed him -most, more than the fear and the love of God, -more than the desire for promotion and the -hatred of sin, was his terror of the consequences -of an open scandal.</p> - -<p>The realization that he judged himself so -mercilessly encouraged him to hope still for -salvation. But at the bottom of his heart he -knew he was henceforth bound to that woman -as to life itself, that her image would be with -him in his house, that he would walk at her -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span> -side by day and at night sleep entangled in -the inextricable meshes of her long dark hair. -And beneath his sorrow and remorse, deeper -and stronger still, he felt a tumult of joy glow -through his inmost being as a subterranean -fire burns within the earth.</p> - -<p>Directly he opened the presbytery door he -perceived the streak of light that issued from -the kitchen and shone across the little dining-room -into the entrance hall. Then he saw -his mother sitting by the dead ashes, as though -watching by a corpse, and with a pang of -grief, a grief that never left him again, he -instantly knew the whole truth.</p> - -<p>He followed the streak of light through the -little dining-room, faltered a second at the -kitchen door, and then advanced to the hearth -with hands outstretched as though to save -himself from falling.</p> - -<p>"Why have you not gone to bed?" he -asked curtly.</p> - -<p>His mother turned to look at him, her dream-haunted -face still deathly pale; yet she was -steady and quiet, almost stern, and while her -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span> -eyes sought those of her son, his tried to evade -her gaze.</p> - -<p>"I was waiting up for you, Paul. Where -have you been?"</p> - -<p>He knew instinctively that every word that -was not strictly true would be only a useless -farce between them; yet he was forced to -lie to her.</p> - -<p>"I have been with a sick person," he replied -quickly.</p> - -<p>For an instant his deep voice seemed to -disperse the evil dream; for an instant only, -and the mother's face was transfigured with -joy. Then the shadow fell again on face and -heart.</p> - -<p>"Paul," she said gently, lowering her eyes -with a feeling of shame, but with no hesitation -in her speech, "Paul, come nearer to me, I -have something to say to you."</p> - -<p>And although he moved no nearer to her, -she went on speaking in a low voice, as though -close to his ear:</p> - -<p>"I know where you have been. For many -nights now I have heard you go out, and to-night -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span> -I followed you and saw where you went. -Paul, think of what you are doing!"</p> - -<p>He did not answer, made no sign that he -had heard. His mother raised her eyes and -beheld him standing tall and straight above -her, pale as death, his shadow cast by the -lamp upon the wall behind him, motionless -as though transfixed upon a cross. And she -longed for him to cry out and reproach her, -to protest his innocence.</p> - -<p>But he was remembering his soul's appeal -as he knelt before the church door, and now -God had heard his cry and had sent his own -mother to him to save him. He wanted to -bow before her, to fall at her knee and implore -her to lead him away from the village, then -and there, immediately; and at the same -time he was shaking with rage and humiliation, -humiliation at finding his weakness exposed, -rage at having been watched and followed. -Yet he grieved for the sorrow he was causing -her. Then suddenly he remembered that he -had not only to save himself, but to save -appearances also.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Mother," he said, going close to her and -placing his hand on her head, "I tell you -that I have been with some one who is ill."</p> - -<p>"There is nobody ill in that house."</p> - -<p>"Not all sick persons are in bed."</p> - -<p>"Then in that case you yourself are more -ill than the woman you went to see, and you -must take care of yourself. Paul, I am only -an ignorant woman, but I am your mother, -and I tell you that sin is an illness worse than -any other, because it attacks the soul. Moreover," -she added, taking his hand and drawing -him down towards her that he might hear -her better, "it is not yourself only that you -have to save, O child of God ... remember -that you must not destroy her soul ... nor -bring her to harm in this life either."</p> - -<p>He was bending over her, but at these words -he shot upright again like a steel spring. His -mother had cut him to the quick. Yes, it -was true; during all that hour of perturbation -since he had quitted the woman he had thought -only of himself.</p> - -<p>He tried to withdraw his hand from his -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span> -mother's, so hard and cold, but she grasped -it so imperatively that he felt as though he -had been arrested and were being led bound -to prison. Then his thoughts turned again to -God; it was God who had bound him, therefore -he must submit to be led, but nevertheless -he felt the rebellion and desperation of -the guilty prisoner who sees no way of escape.</p> - -<p>"Leave me alone," he said roughly, dragging -his hand away by force, "I am no longer -a boy and know myself what is good or bad -for me!"</p> - -<p>Then the mother felt as though she were -turned to stone, for he had practically confessed -his fault.</p> - -<p>"No, Paul, you don't see the wrong you -have done. If you did see it you would not -speak like that."</p> - -<p>"Then how should I speak?"</p> - -<p>"You would not shout like that, but you -would assure me there is nothing wrong between -you and that woman. But that is just what -you don't tell me, because you cannot do so -conscientiously, and therefore it is better you -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span> -should say nothing at all. Don't speak! I -don't ask it of you now, but think well what -you are about, Paul."</p> - -<p>Paul made no reply, but moved slowly from -his mother's side and stood in the middle of -the kitchen waiting for her to go on speaking.</p> - -<p>"Paul, I have nothing more to say to you, -and I have no wish to say anything more. But -I shall talk with God about you."</p> - -<p>Then he sprang back to her side with blazing -eyes as though he were about to strike her.</p> - -<p>"Enough!" he cried, "you will be wise -never to speak of this again, neither to me -nor to anyone else; and keep your fancies -to yourself!"</p> - -<p>She rose to her feet, stern and resolute, -seized him by the arms and forced him to -look her straight in the eyes; then she let -him go and sat down again, her hands gripping -each other tightly in her lap.</p> - -<p>Paul moved towards the door, then turned -and began to walk up and down the kitchen. -The moaning of the wind outside made an -accompaniment to the rustle of his clothes, -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span> -which was like the rustle of a woman's dress, -for he wore a cassock made of silk and his -cloak was of the very finest material. And in -that moment of indecision, when he felt -himself caught in a whirlpool of conflicting -emotions, even that silken rustle seemed to -speak and warn him that henceforth his life -would be but a maze of errors and light things -and vileness. Everything spoke to him; the -wind outside, that recalled the long loneliness -of his youth, and inside the house the mournful -figure of his mother, the sound of his own -steps, the sight of his own shadow on the -floor. To and fro he walked, to and fro, -treading on his shadow as he sought to overcome -and stamp down his own self. He -thought with pride that he had no need of -any supernatural aid, such as he had invoked -to save him, and then immediately this pride -filled him with terror.</p> - -<p>"Get up and go to bed," he said, coming -back to his mother's side; and then, seeing -that she did not move but sat with head -bowed as though asleep, he bent down to -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span> -look more closely in her face and perceived -that she was weeping silently.</p> - -<p>"Mother!"</p> - -<p>"No," she said, without moving, "I shall -never mention this thing to you again, neither -to you nor to anyone else. But I shall not -stir from this place except to leave the presbytery -and the village, never to return, unless -you swear to me that you will never set foot -in that house again."</p> - -<p>He raised himself from his bending position, -overtaken again by that feeling of giddiness, -and again superstition took hold of him, urging -him to promise whatever his mother asked of -him, since it was God Himself who was speaking -by her mouth. And simultaneously a flood -of bitter words rose to his lips, and he wanted -to cry out upon his mother, to throw the -blame on her and reproach her for having -brought him from his native village and set -his feet upon a way that was not his. But -what would be the use? She would not -even understand. Well, well!... With one -hand he made a gesture as though brushing -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span> -away the shadows from before his eyes, then -suddenly he stretched out this hand over his -mother's head, and in his imagination saw his -opened fingers extend in luminous rays above -her:</p> - -<p>"Mother, I swear to you that I will never -enter that house again."</p> - -<p>And immediately he left the kitchen, feeling -that here was the end of everything. He -was saved. But as he crossed the adjoining -dining-room he heard his mother weeping -unrestrainedly, as though she were weeping -for the dead.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Back in his room, the scent of roses and -the sight of the various objects strewn about -which were associated with his passion, impregnated -and coloured by it, as it were, shook -him afresh. He moved here and there without -any reason, opened the window and thrust -his head out into the wind, feeling as helpless -as one of the million leaves whirled about in -space, now in the dark shadow, now in the -bright light of the moon, playthings of the -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span> -winds and clouds. At last he drew himself -up and closed the window, saying aloud as -he did so:</p> - -<p>"Let us be men!"</p> - -<p>He stood erect to his full height, numb as -though all his body were cold and hard and -enclosed in an armour of pride. He desired -no more to feel the sensations of the flesh, -nor the sorrow nor the joy of sacrifice, nor -the sadness of his loneliness; he had no wish -even to kneel before God and receive the word -of approval granted to the willing servant. -He asked nothing from anyone; he wanted -only to go forward in the straight way, -alone and hopeless. Yet he was afraid of -going to bed and putting out the light, and -instead he sat down and began to read St. -Paul's Epistle to the Corinthians: but the -printed words fled his gaze, they swelled and -shrank and danced up and down before his -eyes. Why had his mother wept so bitterly, -after he had sworn an oath to her? What -could she have understood? Ah, yes, she -understood; the mother's heart understood -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[65]</a></span> -only too well the mortal anguish of her son, -his renunciation of life itself.</p> - -<p>Suddenly a wave of red overspread his face, -and he raised his head, listening to the wind.</p> - -<p>"There was no need to have sworn," he -said to himself with a doubtful smile, "the -really strong man never swears. Whoever -takes an oath, as I did, is also ready to break -his oath, even as I am ready."</p> - -<p>And instantly he knew that the struggle was -only really beginning, and so great was his -consternation that he rose from his seat and -went to look at himself in the mirror.</p> - -<p>"Here thou standest, the man appointed -by God, and if thou wilt not give thyself -wholly to Him, then the spirit of evil will -take possession of thee for ever."</p> - -<p>Then he staggered to his narrow bed and, -dressed as he was, flung himself down upon -it and burst into tears. He wept silently that -his mother might not hear him, and that he -might not hear his own crying, but his heart -within him cried aloud and he was wrung -with inward grief.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[66]</a></span></p> - -<p>"O God, take me, bring me out of this!"</p> - -<p>And the uttered words brought him real -relief, as though he had found a plank of -salvation in the midst of that sea of sorrow.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The crisis over he began to reflect. Everything -seemed clear to him now, like a landscape -seen from a window in the full light of the -sun. He was a priest, he believed in God, -he had wedded the Church and was vowed -to chastity, he was like a married man and -had no right to betray his wife. Why he had -fallen in love with that woman and still loved -her he did not exactly know. Perhaps he had -reached a sort of physical crisis, when the -youth and strength of his twenty-eight years -awoke suddenly from its prolonged sleep and -yearned towards Agnes because she had the -closest affinity with him, and because she too, -no longer very young, had like him been -deprived of life and love, shut up in her house -as in a convent.</p> - -<p>Thus from the very first it had been love -masquerading as friendship. They had been -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[67]</a></span> -caught in a net of smiles and glances, and -the very impossibility of there being any -question of love between them drew them -together: nobody entertained the faintest -suspicion of their relationship to each other, -and they met without emotion, without fear -and without desire. Yet little by little desire -crept into that love of theirs, chaste and pure -as a pool of still water beneath a wall that -suddenly crumbles and falls in ruins.</p> - -<p>All these things passed through his mind -as he probed deep into his conscience and -found the truth. He knew that from the -first glance he had desired the woman, from -the first glance he had possessed her in his -heart, and all the rest had been only self-deception -whereby he had sought to justify -himself in his own eyes.</p> - -<p>Thus it was, and he was forced to acknowledge -the truth. Thus it was, because it is -man's nature to suffer, to love, to find his -mate and have her and to suffer again; to -do good and receive it, to do evil and receive -it, this is the life of man. Yet all his reflections -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[68]</a></span> -lifted not one iota of the anguish that -weighed upon his heart; and now he comprehended -the true meaning of that anguish: -it was the bitterness of death, for to renounce -love and the possession of Agnes was to renounce -life itself. Then his thoughts went further: -"Was not even this vain and futile? When -the momentary pleasure of love is past, the -spirit resumes mastery over itself, and, with a -more intense longing for solitude than before, -it takes refuge again within its prison-house, -the mortal body that clothes it. Why, therefore, -should he be made unhappy by this -loneliness? Had he not accepted and endured -it for so many years, all the best years of his -life? Even supposing he could really escape -with Agnes and marry her, would he not -always be alone within himself just the same...?"</p> - -<p>Yet the mere fact of pronouncing her name, -the bare idea of the possibility of living with -her, made him spring up in a fever of excitement. -In imagination again he saw her -stretched beside him, in imagination he held -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[69]</a></span> -out his arms to draw her close to him, slender -and supple as a reed in the stream; he whispered -sweet words into the little hollow -behind her ear, covered his face with her -loosened hair, warm and scented like the -flowers of the wild saffron. And biting hard -into his pillow, he repeated to her all the -Song of Songs, and when this was ended he -told her he would come back to her the next -day, that he was glad to grieve his mother -and his God, glad that he had sworn an oath -and given himself over to remorse, to superstition -and to fear, for now he could break -loose from everything and return to her.</p> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[70]</a><br /><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[71]</a></span></p> - -</div> - -<h2>Chapter 4</h2> - -<p>Then he grew calmer and began to reflect -again.</p> - -<p>As a sick man is relieved to know at least -the nature of his malady, so Paul would have -been relieved to know at least why all these -things had befallen him, and like his mother, -he went over all the story of his past life.</p> - -<p>The moaning of the wind outside mingled -with his earliest memories, faint and indistinct. -He saw himself in a courtyard, where, he did -not know, but perhaps the courtyard of the -house where his mother was a servant, and -he was climbing on the wall with other boys. -The top of the wall was edged with pieces of -glass as sharp as knives, but this did not prevent -the boys from scrambling up to look over, -even though they cut their hands. As a -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[72]</a></span> -matter of fact, there was a certain daring -pleasure in wounding themselves, and they -showed each other their blood and then dried -it beneath their armpits, under the delusion -that nobody would notice their cut hands. -From the top of the wall they could see nothing -except the street, into which they were perfectly -free to go; but they preferred climbing -on to the wall because that was forbidden, -and they amused themselves by throwing -stones at the few people who passed and then -hiding, their sensations divided between delight -in their own boldness and their fear of being -discovered. A deaf and dumb girl, who was -also a cripple, used to sit by the wood pile -at the bottom of the courtyard, and from there -she used to watch them with an expression at -once imploring and severe in her large dark -eyes. The boys were afraid of her, but they -did not dare to molest her; on the contrary, -they lowered their voices as though she could -hear them and sometimes they even invited -her to play with them. Then the crippled -child used to laugh with an almost insane -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[73]</a></span> -delight, but she never moved from her -corner.</p> - -<p>In imagination he saw again those dark -eyes, in whose depths the light of sorrow and -desire already shone; he saw them far off at -the bottom of his memory as at the bottom -of that mysterious courtyard, and it seemed -to him that they resembled the eyes of Agnes.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Then he saw himself again in that same -street where he had thrown stones at the -passers-by, but farther down, at the turning -of a little lane shut in by a group of dilapidated -old houses. His home lay just between the -street and the lane, in the house of well-to-do -people, all women and all fat and serious; they -used to close all doors and windows at dusk -and they received no visitors except other -women and priests, with whom they used to -joke and laugh, but always in a decorous, -guarded manner.</p> - -<p>It had been one of these priests who had -caught him by the shoulders one day, and -gripping him firmly between his bony knees -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[74]</a></span> -and raising his timid face with a vigorous hand, -had asked him:</p> - -<p>"Is it true that you want to be a priest?"</p> - -<p>The boy had nodded yes, and having been -given a sacred picture and a friendly slap he -had remained in a corner of the room listening -to the conversation between the priests and -the women. They were discussing the parish -priest of Aar and describing how he went out -hunting and smoked a pipe and let his beard -grow, yet how nevertheless the Bishop hesitated -to interdict him because he would have great -difficulty in finding another priest willing to -bury himself in that remote village. Moreover, -the easygoing priest in possession threatened -to tie up and fling into the river anyone who -ventured to try and oust him from his place.</p> - -<p>"The worst of it is that the simpletons of -Aar are attached to the man, although they -are frightened of him and his sorceries. Some -of them actually believe he is the Antichrist, -and the women all declare that they will help -him to truss up his successor and throw him -into the river."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[75]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Do you hear that, Paul? If you become -a priest and have any idea of going back to -your mother's village, you must look out for -a lively time!"</p> - -<p>It was a woman who flung this joke at him, -Marielena; she was the one who had charge -of him, and when she drew him towards her -to comb his hair her fat stomach and her soft -breast used to make him think she was made -of cushions. He was very fond of Marielena; -in spite of her corpulent body she had a refined -and pretty face, with cheeks softly tinted with -pink and gentle brown eyes. He used to look -up at her as one looks at the ripe fruit hanging -on the tree, and perhaps she had been his -first love.</p> - -<p>Then came his life at the Seminary. His -mother had taken him there one October -morning, when the sky was blue and everything -smelt of new wine. The road mounted -steeply and at the top of the hill was the -archway which connected the Seminary with -the Bishop's house, curved like a vast frame -over the sunny landscape of cottages, trees -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[76]</a></span> -and granite steps, with the cathedral tower -at the bottom of the picture. The grass was -springing up between the cobblestones in -front of the Bishop's house, several men rode -past on horseback and the horses had long -legs with hairy fetlocks and were shod with -gleaming iron shoes. He noticed all these -things because he kept his eyes shyly on the -ground, a little ashamed of himself, a little -ashamed of his mother. Yes, why not confess -it once for all? He had always been more -or less ashamed of his mother, because she -was a servant and came from that village of -poor simpletons. Only later, very much later, -had he overcome this ignoble feeling by sheer -force of pride and will, and the more he had -been unreasonably ashamed of his origin, all -the more did he subsequently glory in it to -himself and before God, choosing voluntarily -to live in this miserable hamlet, subjecting -himself to his mother, and respecting her most -trifling wishes and conforming to her humblest -ways.</p> - -<p>But the remembrance of his mother as a -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[77]</a></span> -servant, aye, even less than a servant, a mere -drudge in the Seminary kitchen, brought back -with it the most humiliating memories of his -youth. And yet she worked as a servant for -his sake. On the days when he went to confession -and communion his Superior obliged -him to go and kiss his mother's hand and ask -her pardon for the faults he had committed. -The hand which she dried hurriedly with a -dishcloth smelt of soapsuds and was chapped -and wrinkled like an old wall, and he was -filled with shame and rage at being forced to -kiss it; but he asked forgiveness of God for -his inability to ask forgiveness of her.</p> - -<p>Thus God had revealed Himself to Paul, -as hidden behind his mother in the damp and -smoky kitchen of the Seminary: God Who is -in every place, in heaven and on earth and in -all things created.</p> - -<p>And in his hours of exaltation, when he lay -in his little room staring with wide-open eyes -into the darkness, he had dwelt with wonder -on the thought, "I shall be a priest, I shall -be able to consecrate the host and change it -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[78]</a></span> -into God." And at those times he thought -also of his mother, and when he was away -from her and could not see her, he loved her -and realized that his own greatness was all -due to her, for instead of sending him to herd -goats or carry sacks of grain to the mill, as -his father had done, she was making him into -a priest, one who had power to consecrate the -host and change it into God.</p> - -<p>It was thus he conceived his mission in life. -He knew nothing of the world; his brightest -and most emotional memories were the ceremonies -of the great religious festivals, and -recalling these memories now, in all the bitterness -of his present anguish, they awoke in him -a sense of light and joy and presented themselves -to his mind's eye as great living pictures. -And the remembered music of the cathedral -organ and the sense of mystery in the ceremonies -of Holy Week became part of his present -sorrow, of that anguish of life and death which -seemed to weigh him down upon his bed as -the burden of man's sin had lain upon Christ -in the sepulchre.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[79]</a></span></p> - -<p>It was during one of these periods of mystical -agitation that for the first time he had come -into intimate relations with a woman. When -he thought of it now it seemed like a dream, -neither good nor evil, but only strange.</p> - -<p>Every holiday he went to visit the women -with whom he had lived during his boyhood, -and they welcomed him as though he were -already a priest, with familiar friendliness and -cheerfulness, but always with a certain dignity. -When he looked at Marielena he used to -blush, and then scorned himself for blushing, -because though he still liked her, he now saw -her in all her crude realism, fat, soft and -shapeless; nevertheless her presence and her -gentle eyes still roused little tremors in him.</p> - -<p>Marielena and her sisters used often to -invite him to dinner on feast days. On one -occasion, Palm Sunday, he happened to arrive -early, and whilst his hostesses were busy laying -the table and awaiting their other guests, Paul -went out into their little garden and began -to walk up and down the path which ran -beside the outer wall, beneath the aspens -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[80]</a></span> -covered with little golden leaves. The sky -was all a milky blue, the air soft and warm -with the light wind from the eastern hills, -and the cuckoo could already be heard calling -in the distance.</p> - -<p>Just as he was standing on tiptoe childishly -to pick a drop of resin off an almond tree, he -suddenly saw a pair of large greenish eyes fixed -upon him from the lane on the other side of -the garden wall. They looked like the eyes -of a cat, and the whole personality of the -woman, who was sitting crouched upon the -steps of a dark doorway at the end of the -lane, had something feline about it. He could -conjure up her image again so clearly that -he even felt as if he still held the drop of soft -resin between his finger and thumb, whilst -his fascinated eyes could not withdraw themselves -from hers! And over the doorway he -remembered a little window surrounded by a -white line with a small cross over it. He had -known that doorway and that window very -well ever since he was a boy, and the cross -placed there as a charm against temptation -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[81]</a></span> -had always amused him, because the woman -who lived in the cottage, Maria Paska, was -a lost woman. He could see her now before -him, with her fringed kerchief showing her -white neck, and her long coral ear-rings, like -two long drops of blood. With her elbows -resting on her knees and her pale, delicate -face supported between her hands, Maria -Paska looked at him steadily, and at last she -smiled at him, but without moving. Her -white even teeth and the somewhat cruel -expression of her eyes only served to accentuate -the feline look about her face. Suddenly, -however, she dropped her hands into her lap, -raised her head and assumed a grave and sad -expression. A big man, with his cap drawn -down to hide his face, was coming cautiously -down the lane and keeping close in the shadow -of the wall.</p> - -<p>Then Maria Paska got up quickly and went -into the house, and the big man followed her -and shut the door.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Paul never forgot his terrible agitation as -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[82]</a></span> -he walked about in the little garden and -thought of those two shut up in that squalid -house in the lane. It was a sort of uneasy -sadness, a sense of discomfort that made him -want to be alone and to hide himself like a -sick animal, and during dinner he was unusually -silent amidst the cheerful talk of the other -guests. Directly dinner was over he returned -to the garden: the woman was there, on the -look-out again and in the same position as -before. The sun never reached the damp -corner where her door was, and she looked as -if she were so white and delicate because she -always lived in the shade.</p> - -<p>When she saw the seminarist she did not -move, but she smiled at him, and then her -face became grave as on the arrival of the -big man. She called out to Paul, speaking as -one would speak to a young boy:</p> - -<p>"I say, will you come and bless my house -on Saturday? Last year the priest who was -going round blessing the houses refused to -come into mine. May he go to hell, he and -all his bag of tricks!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[83]</a></span></p> - -<p>Paul made no answer, he felt inclined to -throw a stone at the woman, in fact he did -pick one up from the wall, but then put it -back and wiped his hand on his handkerchief. -But all through Holy Week, whilst he was -hearing Mass, or taking part in the sacred -function, or, taper in hand, escorting the -Bishop with all the other seminarists, he always -seemed to see the woman's eyes staring at -him till it became a veritable obsession. He -had wanted to exorcize her, as one possessed -of the Devil, yet at the same time he felt somehow -that the spirit of evil was within himself. -During the ceremony of feet-washing, when -the Bishop stooped before the twelve beggars -(who looked as though they might really have -been the twelve apostles), Paul's heart was -moved by the thought that on the Saturday -before Easter of the previous year the priest -had refused to bless the house of the lost -woman. And yet Christ had pardoned Mary -Magdalene. Perhaps if the priest had blessed -the lost woman's house she might have amended -her ways. This last reflection presently began -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[84]</a></span> -to take hold of him to the exclusion of all -other thoughts, but on examining it now at -this distance of time he perceived that here -his instinct had played him false, for at that -period he had not yet learnt to know himself. -And yet perhaps, even if he had known himself, -he would still have gone back on the Saturday -to see the lost woman in the lane.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>When he turned the corner he saw that -Maria Paska was not sitting on her doorstep, -but the door was open, a sign that she had -no visitor. Involuntarily he imitated the big -man and went down the lane in the shadow -of the wall, but he wished she had been there -on the look-out and that she had risen up -with a grave, sad face at his approach. When -he reached the end of the lane he saw her -drawing water from a well at the side of the -house, and his heart gave a jump, for she -looked just like the pictures of Mary Magdalene; -and she turned and saw him as she was -drawing up the bucket, and blushed. Never -in his life had he seen a more beautiful woman. -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[85]</a></span> -Then he was seized with a desire to run away, -but he was too shy, and as she re-entered the -house carrying the jug of water in her hand -she said something to him which he did not -understand, but he followed her inside and -she shut the door. A little wooden staircase -ending in a trapdoor gave access to the upper -room, the one with the window over which -hung a cross as a protection against temptation, -and she led him up, snatching his cap from -his head and tossing it aside with a laugh.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Paul went to see her again several times, -but after he had been ordained and had taken -the vow of chastity he had kept away from -all women. His senses seemed to have grown -petrified within the frozen armour of his vow, -and when he heard scandalous tales of other -priests he felt a pride in his own purity, and -only thought of his adventure with the woman -in the lane as an illness from which he had -completely recovered.</p> - -<p>During the first years passed in the little -village he thought of himself as having already -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[86]</a></span> -lived his life, as having known all it could -offer, misery, humiliation, love, pleasure, sin -and expiation; as having withdrawn from the -world like some old hermit and waiting only -for the Kingdom of God. And now suddenly -he beheld the earthly life again in a woman's -eyes, and at first he had been so deceived as -to mistake it for the life eternal.</p> - -<p>To love and be loved, is not this the Kingdom -of God upon earth? And his heart swelled -within him at the remembrance. O Lord, -are we so blind? Where shall we find the -light? Paul knew himself to be ignorant: -his knowledge was made up of fragments of -books of which he only imperfectly understood -the meaning, but above all the Bible had -impressed him with its romanticism and its -realistic pictures of past ages. Wherefore he -could place no reliance even on himself nor -on his own inward searchings: he realized -that he had no self-knowledge, that he was -not master of himself and that he deceived -himself ever and always.</p> - -<p>His feet had been set upon the wrong road. -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[87]</a></span> -He was a man of strong natural instincts, like -his forbears, the millers and shepherds, and -he suffered because he was not allowed to -obey his instincts. Here he got back to his -first simple and correct diagnosis of what -ailed him: he was unhappy because he was -a man and was forbidden to lead man's natural -life of love and joy and the fulfilment of life's -natural ends. Then he reflected that pleasure -enjoyed leaves only horror and anguish behind -it; therefore it could not be the flesh that -cried out for its chance of life, but rather the -soul imprisoned within the flesh that longed -to escape from its prison. In those supreme -moments of love it had been the soul which -had soared upward in a rapid flight, only to -fall back more swiftly into its cage; but that -instant of freedom had sufficed to show it the -place to which it would take its flight when -its prison days were ended and the wall of -flesh for ever overthrown, a place of infinite -joy, the Infinite itself.</p> - -<p>He smiled at last, saddened and weary. -Where had he read all these things? Certainly -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[88]</a></span> -he must have read them somewhere, -for he had no pretensions to evolve new ideas -himself. But it was of no consequence, the -truth is always the same, alike for all men, -as all men's hearts are alike. He had thought -himself different from other men, a voluntary -exile and worthy of being near to God, and -perhaps God was punishing him in this way, -by sending him back among men, into the -community of passion and of pain.</p> - -<p>He must rise up and pursue his appointed -way.</p> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[89]</a></span></p> - -</div> - -<h2>Chapter 5</h2> - -<p>He became aware that some one was -knocking at the door.</p> - -<p>Paul started as though suddenly awakened -from sleep and sprang up from his bed with -the confused sensation of one who has to -depart on a journey and is afraid of being too -late. But directly he tried to stand up he -was forced to sit down weakly on his bed -again, for his limbs gave way under him and -he felt as if he had been beaten all over whilst -he lay asleep. Crouched together with his -head sunk on his breast, he could only nod -faintly in response to the knock. His mother -had not forgotten to call him early, as he had -requested her on the previous day: his mother -was following her own straight path, she -remembered nothing of what had happened -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[90]</a></span> -during the night and called him as though -this were just like any other morning.</p> - -<p>Yes, it was like any other morning. Paul -got up again and began to dress, and gradually -he pulled himself together and stood stiff and -erect in the garments of his order. He flung -open the window, and his eyes were dazzled -by the vivid light of the silvery sky; the thickets -on the hill-side, alive with the song of birds, -quivered and sparkled in the morning sun, -the wind had dropped and the sound of the -church bell vibrated through the pure air.</p> - -<p>The bell called him, he lost sight of all -external things, although he sought to escape -from the things within him: the scent of his -room caused him physical distress and the -memories it evoked stung him to the quick. -The bell went on calling him, but he could -not make up his mind to leave his room and -he wandered round it almost in a fury. He -looked in the mirror and then turned away, -but it was useless for him to avoid it; the -image of the woman was reflected in his mind -as in a mirror, he might break it in a thousand -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[91]</a></span> -fragments, but each fragment would still retain -that image entire and complete.</p> - -<p>The second bell for Mass was ringing insistently, -inviting him to come: he moved about -here and there, searching for something he -could not find, and finally sat down at his -table and began to write. He began by copying -out the verses which said, "Enter ye in -by the narrow gate," etc.; then he crossed -them out and on the other side of the paper -he wrote:</p> - -<p>"Please do not expect me again. We have -mutually entangled each other in a net of -deception and we must cut ourselves loose -without delay, if we want to free ourselves -and not sink to the bottom. I am coming -to you no more; forget me, do not write to -me, and do not try to see me again."</p> - -<p>Then he went downstairs and called his -mother, and held out the letter towards her -without looking at her.</p> - -<p>"Take this to her at once," he said hoarsely, -"try and give it into her own hands and then -come away immediately."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[92]</a></span></p> - -<p>He felt the letter taken out of his hand and -hurried outside, for the moment uplifted and -relieved.</p> - -<p>Now the bell was ringing the third time, -pealing out over the quiet village and the -valleys grey in the silvery light of the dawn. -Up the hilly road, as though ascending from -the depths of the valley, came figures of old -men with gnarled sticks hanging from their -wrists by leather straps, and women whose -heads wrapped in voluminous kerchiefs looked -too large for their small bodies. When they -had all entered the church and the old men -had taken their places in front close by the -altar rails, the place was filled with the odour -of earth and field, and Antiochus, the youthful -sacristan, swung his censer energetically, sending -out the smoke in the direction of the old -men to drive away the smell. Gradually a -dense cloud of incense screened the altar from -the rest of the little church, and the brown-faced -sacristan in his white surplice and the -pale-faced priest in his vestments of red brocade -moved about as in a pearly mist. Both Paul -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[93]</a></span> -and the boy loved the smoke and the scent -of the incense and used it lavishly. Turning -towards the nave, the priest half closed his -eyes and frowned as though the mist impeded -his sight; apparently he was displeased at -the small number of worshippers and was -waiting for others to arrive. And in fact a -few late comers did enter then, and last of -all his mother, and Paul turned white to the -lips.</p> - -<p>So the letter had been delivered and the -sacrifice was accomplished: a deathlike sweat -broke out upon his forehead, and as he raised -his hands in consecration his secret prayer -was that the offering of his own flesh and blood -might be accepted. And he seemed to see -the woman reading his letter and falling to -the ground in a swoon.</p> - -<p>When the Mass was ended he knelt down -wearily and recited a Latin prayer in a monotonous -voice. The congregation responded, -and he felt as though he were dreaming and -longed to throw himself down at the foot of -the altar and fall asleep like a shepherd on the -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[94]</a></span> -bare rocks. Dimly through the clouds of -incense he saw in her glass-fronted niche the -little Madonna which the people believed to -be miraculous, a figure as dark and delicate -as a cameo in a medallion, and he gazed at it -as though he were seeing it again for the first -time after a long absence. Where had he been -all that time? His thoughts were confused -and he could not recollect.</p> - -<p>Then suddenly he rose to his feet and turned -round and began to address the congregation, -a thing he only did very occasionally. He -spoke in dialect and in a harsh voice, as though -he were scolding the old men, now thrusting -their bearded faces between the pillars of the -altar rails in order to hear better, and the -women crouching on the ground, divided -between curiosity and fear. The sacristan, -holding the Mass-book in his arms, glanced at -Paul out of his long dark eyes, then turned -them on the people and shook his head, -threatening them in jest if they did not -attend.</p> - -<p>"Yes," said the priest, "the number of you -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[95]</a></span> -who come here grows ever less; when I have -to face you I am almost ashamed, for I feel -like a shepherd who has lost his sheep. Only -on Sunday is the church a little fuller, but I -fear you come because of your scruples and -not because of your belief, from habit rather -than from need, as you change your clothes -or take your rest. Up now, it is time to -awake! I do not expect mothers of families, -or men who have to be at work before the -dawn, to come here every morning, but young -women and old men and children, such as I -shall see now when I leave the church, standing -at their own doors to greet the rising sun, all -those should come here to begin the day with -God, to praise Him in His own house and to -gain strength for the path they have to tread. -If you did this the poverty that afflicts you -would disappear, and evil habits and temptation -would no longer assail you. It is time to -awake early in the morning, to wash yourselves -and to change your clothing every day -and not only on Sundays! So I shall expect -you all, beginning from to-morrow, and we -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[96]</a></span> -will pray together that God will not forsake -us and our little village, as He will not forsake -the smallest nest, and for those who are sick -and cannot come here we will pray that they -may recover and be able to march forward -too."</p> - -<p>He turned round swiftly and the sacristan -did the same, and for a few minutes there -reigned in the little church a silence so intense -that the stone-breaker could be heard at his -work behind the ridge. Then a woman got -up and approached the priest's mother, placing -a hand on her shoulder as she bent down and -whispered:</p> - -<p>"Your son must come at once to hear the -confession of King Nicodemus, who is seriously -ill."</p> - -<p>Roused from her own sad thoughts, the -mother raised her eyes to the speaker. She -remembered that King Nicodemus was a -fantastic old hunter who lived in a hut high -up in the mountains, and she asked if Paul -would have to climb up there to hear the -confession.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[97]</a></span></p> - -<p>"No," whispered the woman, "his relations -have brought him down to the -village."</p> - -<p>So the mother went to tell Paul, who was -in the little sacristy, disrobing with the help -of Antiochus.</p> - -<p>"You will come home first and drink your -coffee, won't you?" she asked.</p> - -<p>He avoided looking at her and did not even -answer, but pretended to be in a great hurry -to go to the old man who was ill. The thoughts -of both mother and son dwelt upon the same -thing, the letter which had been delivered to -Agnes, but neither spoke of it. Then he -hastened away, and she stood there like a -block of wood whilst the sacristan busied himself -in replacing the vestments in the black -cupboard.</p> - -<p>"It would have been better if I had not -told him about Nicodemus until he had been -home and had his coffee," she said.</p> - -<p>"A priest must get accustomed to everything," -replied Antiochus gravely, poking his -head round the cupboard door, and then he -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[98]</a></span> -added as though to himself as he turned back -to his work inside:</p> - -<p>"Perhaps he is angry with me, because he -says I am inattentive: but it's not true, I -assure you it's not true! Only when I looked -at those old men I felt inclined to laugh, for -they did not understand a word of the sermon. -They sat there with their mouths open, but -they understood nothing. I bet you that old -Marco Panizza really thinks he ought to wash -his face every day, he who never washes at all -except at Easter and Christmas! And you'll -see that from now on they will all come to -church every day, because he told them that -poverty would disappear if they did that."</p> - -<p>The mother still stood there, her hands -clasped beneath her apron.</p> - -<p>"The poverty of the soul," she said, to -show that she at least had understood. But -Antiochus only looked at her as he had looked -at the old men, with a strong desire to laugh. -Because he was quite sure that nobody could -understand these matters as he understood -them, he who already knew the four gospels -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[99]</a></span> -by heart and intended to be a priest himself, -which fact did not prevent him from -being as mischievous and inquisitive as other -boys.</p> - -<p>As soon as he had finished putting everything -in order and the priest's mother had gone -away, Antiochus locked the sacristy and walked -across the little garden attached to the church, -all overgrown with rosemary and as deserted -as a cemetery. But instead of going home to -where his mother kept a tavern in one corner -of the village square, he ran off to the presbytery -to hear the latest news of King Nicodemus, -and also for another reason.</p> - -<p>"Your son scolded me for not paying attention," -he repeated uneasily, whilst the priest's -mother was busy preparing her Paul's breakfast. -"Perhaps he won't have me as sacristan -any longer, perhaps he will take Ilario Panizza. -But Ilario cannot read, whereas I have even -learnt to read Latin. Besides, Ilario is so -dirty. What do you think? Will he send -me away?"</p> - -<p>"He wants you to pay attention, that is all: -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[100]</a></span> -it is not right to laugh in church," she answered -sternly and gravely.</p> - -<p>"He is very angry. Perhaps he did not -sleep last night, on account of the wind. Did -you hear what an awful wind?"</p> - -<p>The woman made no reply; she went into -the dining-room and placed on the table -enough bread and biscuits to satisfy the twelve -apostles. Probably Paul would not touch a -thing, but the mere act of moving about and -making preparations for him, as though he -were sure to come in as merry and hungry as -a mountain shepherd, did something to assuage -her trouble and perhaps quiet her conscience, -which every moment stung her more and more -sharply, and the boy's very remark, that "perhaps -he was angry because he did not sleep -last night," only increased her uneasiness. -Her heavy footsteps echoed through the silent -rooms as she went to and fro: she felt instinctively -that although apparently <em>all was over</em>, -in reality it was all only just beginning. She -had well understood the words he spoke from -the altar, that one must awake early and wash -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[101]</a></span> -oneself and march forward, and she went to -and fro, up and down, trying to imagine that -she was marching forward in very truth. She -went upstairs to put his room in order; but -the mirror and the perfumes still vexed and -alarmed her, in spite of the assurance that -everything was now at an end, while a vision -of Paul, pale and rigid as a corpse, seemed to -meet her eyes from the depths of that cursed -mirror, to hang with his cassock on the wall -and lie stretched lifeless upon the bed. And -her heart was heavy within her, as though -some inward paralysis prevented her breathing.</p> - -<p>The pillow-slip was still damp with Paul's -tears and his fevered anguish of the night, and -as she drew it off to replace it with a fresh one -the thought came to her, for the first time in -her life:</p> - -<p>"But why are priests forbidden to marry?"</p> - -<p>And she thought of Agnes's wealth, and how -she owned a large house with gardens and -orchards and fields.</p> - -<p>Then suddenly she felt horribly guilty in -even entertaining such thoughts, and quickly -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[102]</a></span> -drawing on the fresh pillow-slip she went away -into her own room.</p> - -<p>Marching forward? Yes, she had been -marching since dawn and was yet only at the -beginning of the way. And however far one -went, one always came back to the same place. -She went downstairs and sat by the fire beside -Antiochus, who had not moved and was determined -to wait there all day, if needs be, for -the sake of seeing his superior and making his -peace with him. He sat very still, one leg -crossed over the other and his hands clasped -round his knee, and presently he remarked, not -without a slight accent of reproach:</p> - -<p>"You ought to have taken him his coffee -into the church, as you do when he is delayed -there hearing the women's confessions. As it -is, he will be famished!"</p> - -<p>"And how was I to know he would be sent -for in such a hurry? The old man is dying, -it seems," retorted the mother.</p> - -<p>"I don't think that can be true. His -grandchildren want him to die because he has -some money to leave. I know the old chap! -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[103]</a></span> -I saw him once when I went up into the -mountains with my father: he was sitting -amongst the rocks in the sun, with a dog and -a tame eagle beside him and all sorts of dead -animals all round. That is not how God -orders us to live!"</p> - -<p>"What does He order, then?"</p> - -<p>"He orders us to live amongst men, to -cultivate the ground, and not to hide our -money, but to give it to the poor."</p> - -<p>The little sacristan spoke with a man's -confidence, and the priest's mother was touched -and smiled. After all, if Antiochus could say -such sensible things it was because he had been -taught by her Paul. It was her Paul who -taught them all to be good, wise and prudent; -and when he really wished to he succeeded -in convincing even old men whose opinions -were already fixed, and even thoughtless -children. She sighed, and bending down to -draw the coffee-pot nearer the glowing embers, -she said:</p> - -<p>"You talk like a little saint, Antiochus; but -it remains to be seen if you will do as you say -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[104]</a></span> -when you're a man, whether you really will -give your money to the poor."</p> - -<p>"Yes, I shall give everything to the poor. -I shall have a great deal of money, because -my mother makes a lot with her tavern, and -my father is a forest keeper and earns pretty -well, too. I shall give all I get to the poor: -God tells us to do that, and He Himself will -provide for us. And the Bible says, the ravens -do not sow, neither do they reap, yet they -have their food from God, and the lily of the -valley is clothed more splendidly than the king."</p> - -<p>"Yes, Antiochus, when a man is alone he -can do that, but what if he has children?"</p> - -<p>"That makes no difference. Besides, I -shall never have children; priests are not -allowed to have any."</p> - -<p>She turned to look at him; his profile was -towards her, against the bright background -of the open doorway and the courtyard outside; -it was a profile of pure, firm outline -and dark skin, almost like a head of bronze, -with long lashes shading the eyes with their -large dark pupils. And as she gazed at the -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[105]</a></span> -boy she could have wept, but she knew not -why.</p> - -<p>"Are you quite sure you want to be a -priest?" she asked.</p> - -<p>"Yes, if that is God's will."</p> - -<p>"Priests are not allowed to marry, and suppose -that some day you wanted to take a -wife?"</p> - -<p>"I shall not want a wife, since God has forbidden -it."</p> - -<p>"God? But it is the Pope who has forbidden -it," said the mother, somewhat taken -aback at the boy's answer.</p> - -<p>"The Pope is God's representative on -earth."</p> - -<p>"But in olden times priests had wives and -families, just as the Protestant clergy have -now," she urged.</p> - -<p>"That is a different thing," said the boy, -growing warm over the argument; "<em>we</em> ought -not to have them!"</p> - -<p>"The priests in olden times...." she -persisted.</p> - -<p>But the sacristan was well-informed. "Yes, -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[106]</a></span> -the priests in olden times," he said, "but then -they themselves held a meeting and decided -against it; and those who had no wives or -families, the younger ones, were the very ones -who opposed marriage the most strongly. -That is as it should be."</p> - -<p>"The younger ones!" repeated the mother -as if to herself. "But they know nothing about -it! And then they may repent, they may -even go astray," she added in a low voice, "they -may come to reason and argue like the old -priest."</p> - -<p>A tremor seized her and she looked swiftly -round to assure herself that the ghost was not -there, instantly repenting for having thus -evoked it. She did not wish even to think -about it, and least of all in connection with -<em>that matter</em>. Was it not all ended? Moreover, -Antiochus's face wore an expression -of the deepest scorn.</p> - -<p>"That man was not a priest, he was the -devil's brother come to earth! God save us -from him! We had best not even think about -him!" and he made the sign of the cross. -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[107]</a></span> -Then he continued, with recovered serenity:</p> - -<p>"As for repenting! Do you suppose that -<em>he</em>, your son, ever dreams of repenting?"</p> - -<p>It hurt her to hear the boy talk like that. -She longed to be able to tell him something of -her trouble, to warn him for the future, yet at -the same time she rejoiced at his words, as -though the conscience of the innocent lad were -speaking to her conscience to commend and -encourage it.</p> - -<p>"Does he, does my Paul say it is right for -priests not to marry?" she asked in a low voice.</p> - -<p>"If <em>he</em> does not say it is right, who should -say so? Of course he says it is right; hasn't -he said so to you? A fine thing it would be -to see a priest with his wife beside him and a -child in his arms! And when he ought to go -and say Mass he has to nurse the baby because -it's howling! What a joke! Imagine your -son with one child in his arms and another -hanging on to his cassock!"</p> - -<p>The mother smiled wanly; but there passed -before her eyes a fleeting vision of lovely -children running about the house, and there -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[108]</a></span> -was a pang at her heart. Antiochus laughed -aloud, his dark eyes and white teeth flashing -in his brown face, but there was something -cruel in his laughter.</p> - -<p>"A priest's wife would be a funny thing! -When they went out for a walk together -they would look from behind like two women! -And would she go and confess to him, if they -lived in a place where there was no other -priest?"</p> - -<p>"What does a mother do? Who do I -confess to?"</p> - -<p>"A mother is different. And who is there -that your son could marry? The granddaughter -of King Nicodemus, perhaps?"</p> - -<p>He began to laugh merrily again, for the -granddaughter of King Nicodemus was the -most unfortunate girl in the village, a cripple -and an idiot. But he instantly grew serious -again when the mother, forced to speak by a -will other than her own, said softly:</p> - -<p>"For that matter, there is some one, -Agnes."</p> - -<p>But Antiochus objected jealously: "She is -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[109]</a></span> -ugly, I don't like her, and he does not like her -either."</p> - -<p>Then the mother began to praise Agnes, but -she spoke almost in a whisper as though afraid -of being overheard by anyone except the boy, -while Antiochus, his hands still clasped round -his knee, shook his head energetically, his lower -lip stuck out in disgust like a ripe cherry.</p> - -<p>"No, no, I don't like her—can't you hear -what I say! She is ugly and proud and old. -And besides...."</p> - -<p>A step sounded in the little hall and instantly -they both were silent and stood waiting.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[110]</a></span></p> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[111]</a></span></p> - -</div> - -<h2>Chapter 6</h2> - -<p>Paul sat down at the table, which was -laid ready for breakfast, and put his hat -on the chair beside him, and while his mother -was pouring out his coffee he asked in a calm -voice:</p> - -<p>"Did you take that letter?"</p> - -<p>She nodded, pointing towards the kitchen -for fear the boy should hear.</p> - -<p>"Who is there?" asked Paul.</p> - -<p>"Antiochus."</p> - -<p>"Antiochus!" he called, and with one spring -the boy was before him, cap in hand, standing -to attention like a little soldier.</p> - -<p>"Listen, Antiochus, you must go back -to the church and get everything ready for -taking extreme unction to the old man later -on."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[112]</a></span></p> - -<p>The boy was speechless with joy: so <em>he</em> was -no longer angry and was not going to dismiss -him and take another boy in his place!</p> - -<p>"Wait a moment, have you had anything -to eat?"</p> - -<p>"He would not have anything to eat; he -never will," said the mother.</p> - -<p>"Sit down there," ordered Paul, "you must -eat. Mother, give him something."</p> - -<p>It was not the first time that Antiochus had -sat at the priest's table, so he obeyed without -shyness, though his heart beat fast. He was -aware somehow that his position had changed, -that the priest was speaking to him in a way -different from usual; he could not explain how -or why, he only felt there was a difference. He -looked up in Paul's face as though he saw him -for the first time, with mingled fear and joy. -Fear and joy and a whole throng of new -emotions, gratitude, hope and pride, filled his -heart as a nest full of warm fledglings ready to -spread their wings and fly away.</p> - -<p>"Then at two o'clock you must come for your -lesson. It is time to set to work seriously with -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[113]</a></span> -Latin; and I must write for a new grammar, -mine is centuries old."</p> - -<p>Antiochus had stopped eating: now he went -very red and offered his services enthusiastically -without inquiring the why or the wherefore. -The priest looked at him with a smile, then -turned his face to the window, through which -the trees could be seen waving against the -clear sky, and his thoughts were evidently far -away. Antiochus felt again as if he had been -dismissed and his spirits fell; he brushed the -crumbs from the tablecloth, folded his napkin -carefully and carried the cups into the kitchen. -He prepared to wash up, too, and would have -done it very well, for he was accustomed -to washing glasses in his mother's wine-shop; -but the priest's mother would not -allow it.</p> - -<p>"Go to the church and get ready," she -whispered, pushing him away. He went out -immediately, but before going to the church -he ran round to his mother to warn her to have -the house clean and tidy as the priest was -coming to see her.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[114]</a></span></p> - -<p>Meanwhile the priest's mother had gone back -into the dining-room, where Paul was still -idling at the table with a newspaper in front -of him. Usually, when he was at home, he -sat in his own room, but this morning he was -afraid of going up there again. He sat reading -the newspaper, but his thoughts were elsewhere. -He was thinking of the old dying -hunter, who had once confessed to him that -he shunned the company of men because "they -are evil itself," and men in mockery had called -him King, as they had called Christ King of the -Jews. But Paul was not interested in the old -man's confession; his thoughts turned rather -to Antiochus and his father and mother, for he -meant to ask the latter whether they conscientiously -realized what they were doing in -allowing the boy to have his own way and carry -out his unreasoning fancy for becoming a -priest. But even this was really of little -importance: what Paul actually wanted was -to get away from his own thoughts, and -when his mother came into the room he -bowed his head over his paper, for he knew -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[115]</a></span> -that she alone could divine what those -thoughts were.</p> - -<p>He sat there with bowed head, but he forbade -his lips to frame the question he longed to ask. -The letter had been delivered; what more was -there for him to know? The stone of the -sepulchre had been rolled into its place: but -ah! how it weighed upon him, how alive he felt, -buried alive beneath that great stone!</p> - -<p>His mother began to clear the table, putting -each object back in the cupboard that served as -a sideboard. It was so quiet that the birds -could be heard chirping in the bushes and the -regular tap-tap of the stone-breaker by the -roadside. It seemed like the end of the world, -as though the last habitation of living men was -this little white room, with its time-blackened -furniture and its tiled flooring, upon which the -green and gold light from the high window cast -a tremulous reflexion as of water and made the -small place seem like some prison chamber in the -dungeon of a castle.</p> - -<p>Paul had drunk his coffee and eaten his -biscuits as usual, and now he was reading the -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[116]</a></span> -news of the great world far away. Outwardly -there was nothing to show that this day -was in any way different from other days, but his -mother would rather he had gone up to his -room as was his custom and shut the door. -And why, since he was sitting there, did he not -ask her more about her errand, and to whom -she had given the letter? She went to the -kitchen door with a cup in her hand, then -carried it back to the table and stood there.</p> - -<p>"Paul," she said, "I gave the letter into -her own hand. She was already up and -dressed, and in the garden."</p> - -<p>"Very well," he answered, without raising -his eyes from the newspaper.</p> - -<p>But she could not leave him, she felt she -must speak; something stronger than her will -impelled her, something stronger even than -the will of her son. She cleared her throat -and fixed her eyes on the little Japanese -landscape painted at the bottom of the cup -she was holding, its colours stained and -darkened with coffee. Then she went on with -her tale:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[117]</a></span></p> - -<p>"She was in the garden, for she gets up -early. I went straight to her and gave her the -letter: nobody saw. She took it and looked -at it; then she looked at me, but still she did -not open it. I said 'There is no answer,' and -turned to go away, but she said, 'Wait.' -Then she opened the letter as if to show me -there was no secret in it, and she turned as -white as the paper itself. Then she said to me, -'Go, and God be with you!'"</p> - -<p>"That's enough!" he cried sharply, still -without looking up, but his mother saw the -lashes quiver over his downcast eyes and his -face turn as white as that of Agnes. For a -moment she thought he was about to faint, then -the blood slowly came back into his face and she -breathed again with relief. Such moments as -these were terrible, but they must be met -bravely and overcome. She opened her lips to -say something else, to murmur at least, "See -what you have done, how you have hurt both -yourself and her!" but at that instant he -looked up, jerking his head back as though -to drive the blood of evil passion from his -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[118]</a></span> -face, and glaring angrily at his mother, he -said roughly:</p> - -<p>"Now that is enough! Do you hear? It's -enough! I absolutely refuse to hear another -word on this matter, otherwise I shall do what -you threatened to do last night: I shall go -away."</p> - -<p>Then he got up quickly, but instead of going -to his room he left the house again. His mother -went into the kitchen, the cup still in her -trembling hands; she put it down on the -table and leaned against the corner of the -fireplace, utterly broken down. She knew now -he had gone away for ever; even if he came -back he would no longer be her Paul, but a poor -wretch possessed by his evil passion, one who -looked with threatening eyes at whoever crossed -his path, like some thief lying in wait to commit -a crime.</p> - -<p>And Paul, indeed, was like one who has fled -from home in fear. He had rushed out to -avoid going up to his room, for he had an idea -that Agnes might have got in secretly and be -waiting for him there, with her white face and -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[119]</a></span> -the letter in her hand. He had escaped from -the house in order to escape from himself, but -he was carried away by his passion more -violently than by the wind on the night before. -He crossed the meadow without any definite -aim, feeling as though he were some inanimate -thing flung bodily against the wall of Agnes's -house and thrown back by the rebound as far as -the square before the church, where the old men -and the boys and the beggars sit on the low -parapet all day long. Scarce knowing how he -had come there, Paul stayed a little while talking -to one or another of them without heeding their -replies, and then descended the steep road that -led from the village down to the valley. But -he saw nothing of the road he trod nor the -landscape before his eyes: his whole world -had turned upside-down and was a mere -chaos of rocks and ruins, upon which he -looked down as boys lie flat on the ground at -the cliff's edge to gaze over into the depths -below.</p> - -<p>He turned and climbed up again towards the -church. The village seemed almost deserted; -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[120]</a></span> -here and there a peach tree showed its ripe -fruit over a garden wall and little white clouds -floated across the clear September sky like a -peaceful flock of sheep. In one house a child -was crying, from another came the regular -sound of the weaver at his loom. The rural -<i lang="it" xml:lang="it">guardia</i>, half-keeper, half-police, who had -charge of the village also, the only public -functionary in the place, came strolling along -the road with his great dog on a leash. He -wore a mixed costume, the hunter's jacket of -discoloured velvet with the blue, red-striped -trousers of his official uniform, and his dog was -a huge black and red animal with bloodshot -eyes, something between a lion and a wolf, -known and feared by villagers and peasants, by -shepherds and hunters, by thieves and children -alike. The keeper kept his beast beside him -day and night, chiefly for fear of him being -poisoned. The dog growled when he saw the -priest, but at a sign from his master he was -quiet and hung his head.</p> - -<p>The keeper stopped in front of the priest and -gave a military salute, then said solemnly:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[121]</a></span></p> - -<p>"I went early this morning to see the sick -man. His temperature is forty, his pulse a hundred -and two. In my poor opinion he has inflammation -of the loins, and his granddaughter -wanted me to give him quinine." (The keeper -had charge of the drugs and medicines supplied -for the parish and permitted himself to go round -visiting the sick, which was exceeding his duty, -but gave him importance in his own eyes, as he -imagined he was thus taking the place of the -doctor who only came to the village twice a -week.) "But I said, 'Gently, my girl; in my -humble opinion he does not want quinine, but -another sort of medicine.' The girl began to -cry, but she shed no tears; may I die if I judged -wrongly! She wanted me to rush off immediately -to call the doctor, but I said, 'The -doctor is coming to-morrow, Sunday, but if -you are in such a hurry then send a man yourself -to fetch him! The sick man can well afford -to pay a doctor to see him die, he has spent -no money during his life.' I was quite right, -wasn't I?"</p> - -<p>The keeper waited gravely for the priest's -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[122]</a></span> -approval, but Paul was looking at the dog, now -quiet and docile at his master's bidding, and he -was thinking to himself:</p> - -<p>"If we could only thus keep our passions on a -leash!" And then he said aloud, but in an -absent-minded way, "Oh yes, he can wait -till the doctor comes to-morrow. But he is -seriously ill, all the same."</p> - -<p>"Well then, if he is seriously ill," persisted -the keeper firmly and not without contempt for -the priest's apparent indifference, "a man had -better go for the doctor at once. The old fellow -can pay, he is not a pauper. But his granddaughter -disobeyed my orders and did not give -him the medicine I myself prepared and left -for him."</p> - -<p>"He should receive the Communion first of -all," said Paul.</p> - -<p>"But you have told me that a sick person may -receive the Communion even if they are not -fasting?"</p> - -<p>"Well then," said the priest, losing patience at -last, "the old man did not want the medicine; -he clenched his teeth, and he has them all still -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[123]</a></span> -sound, and struck out as if nothing was the -matter with him."</p> - -<p>"And then the granddaughter, in my -humble opinion," continued the keeper indignantly, -"has no right to order me, an official, to -rush off for the doctor as though I were a -servant! It was not a question of an accident -or anything requiring the doctor's official -presence, and I have other things to do. I -must now go down to the river by the ford, -because I have received information that some -benefactor of his neighbours has placed dynamite -in the water to destroy the trout. My -respects!"</p> - -<p>He repeated the military salute and departed, -jerking his dog up by the leash. -Suddenly sharing its master's repressed contempt, -the animal stalked off waving its -ferocious tail; it did not growl at the -priest, but merely turned its head to give -him a parting glance of menace out of its -savage eyes.</p> - -<p>Having completed his preparations for carrying -extreme unction to the old man, Antiochus -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[124]</a></span> -was leaning over the parapet of the piazza under -the shade of the elms, waiting for the priest; -and when he saw him approaching, the boy -darted into the sacristy and waited with the surplice -in his hands. The pair were ready in a -few minutes, Paul in surplice and stole, carrying -the silver amphora of oil, Antiochus robed in red -from head to foot and holding a brocade umbrella -with gold fringe open over Paul's head, -so that he and his silver amphora were in shadow -whilst the boy himself appeared the more brilliant -in the sunshine in contrast to the black and -white figure of the priest. Antiochus's face -wore a look of almost tragic gravity, for he was -much impressed with his own importance and -imagined himself specially deputed to protect -the holy oil. Nevertheless this did not prevent -him from grinning with amusement at the sight -of the old men hurriedly shuffling down from -the parapet as the little procession passed, and -the boys kneeling with their faces to the wall -instead of towards the priest. The youngsters -jumped up immediately, however, and followed -Antiochus, who rang his bell before each door to -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[125]</a></span> -warn the people; dogs barked, the weavers -stopped their looms and the women thrust -their heads out of the windows to see, and the -whole village was in a tremor of mysterious -excitement.</p> - -<p>A woman who was coming from the fountain -bearing a jug of water on her head set down her -jug upon the ground and knelt beside it. And -the priest grew pale, for he recognized one of -Agnes's servants, and a nameless dread seized -upon him, so that unconsciously he clasped the -silver amphora tightly between his hands as -though seeking there support.</p> - -<p>The attendant crowd of boys grew larger as -they approached the old hunter's dwelling. -This was a two-story cottage built of rough -stone and standing a little back from the road -on the side towards the valley; it had a single -unglazed window and in front a small yard of -bare earth enclosed by a low wall. The door -stood open and the priest knew that the old man -was lying fully dressed on a mat in the lower -room; so he entered at once, reciting the -prayers for the sick, whilst Antiochus closed the -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[126]</a></span> -umbrella and rang his bell loudly to drive away -the children as if they were flies. But the room -was empty and the mat unoccupied; perhaps -the old man had at last consented to go to bed -or had been carried there in a dying condition. -The priest pushed open the door of an inner -room, but that too was empty; so, puzzled, -he returned to the door, whence he saw the old -man's granddaughter limping down the road -with a bottle in her hand. She had been to -fetch the medicine.</p> - -<p>"Where is your grandfather?" asked Paul, -as the girl crossed herself on entering the house. -She glanced at the empty mat and gave a -scream, and the inquisitive boys immediately -swarmed over the wall and round the door, -engaging in a free fight with Antiochus, who -tried to oppose their entrance, till Paul himself -sternly bade them disperse.</p> - -<p>"Where is he? Where is he?" cried the -granddaughter, running from room to room, -whereupon one of the boys, the last to join -the crowd, sauntered up with his hands in -his pockets and inquired casually, "Are you -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[127]</a></span> -looking for the king? He went down -there."</p> - -<p>"Down where?"</p> - -<p>"Down there," repeated the boy, pointing -with his nose towards the valley.</p> - -<p>The girl rushed down the steep path and the -boys after her: the priest signed to Antiochus -to reopen the umbrella and gravely and in -silence the two returned to the church, whilst -the villagers gathered together in wondering -groups and the news of the sick man's flight -spread from mouth to mouth.</p> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[128]</a></span></p> - -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[129]</a></span></p> - - - -<h2>Chapter 7</h2> - -<p>Paul was back again in his quiet dining-room, -seated at the table and waited on -by his mother. Fortunately there was now -something they dare talk about and the flight -of King Nicodemus was being discussed. -Having hastily deposited the silver amphora and -other things taken out for the rite and doffed -his red cope, Antiochus had run off to collect -news. The first time he came back it was with -a strange report; the old man had disappeared -and his relations were said to have carried him -off in order to get possession of his money.</p> - -<p>"They say that his dog and his eagle came -down and carried him off themselves!" corrected -some sceptic jestingly.</p> - -<p>"I don't believe in the dog," said one of the -old men, "but the eagle is no joke. I remember -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[130]</a></span> -that when I was a boy, one carried off a -heavy sheep from our yard."</p> - -<p>Then Antiochus came back with the further -news that the sick man had been overtaken half-way -up to the mountain plateau, where he -wished to die. The last upflickering of his -fever lent him a fictitious strength and the -dying hunter walked like a somnambulist to the -place where he longed to be, and in order not to -worry him and make him worse, his relatives had -accompanied him and seen him safely to his -own hut.</p> - -<p>"Now sit down and eat," said the priest to -the boy.</p> - -<p>Antiochus obeyed and took his place at the -table, but not without first glancing inquiringly -at the priest's mother. She smiled and signed -to him to do as he was bidden and the boy felt -that he had become one of the family. He -could not know, innocent child, that the other -two, having exhausted the subject of the old -hunter, were afraid of being alone together. -The mother would see her son's uneasy wandering -eyes arrested suddenly, as though upon some -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[131]</a></span> -unseen object, with a stony, sombre gaze, o'er-shadowed -by the darkness of his mind, and he -in turn would start from his preoccupation, -aware that she was observing him and divining -his inward grief. But when she had placed the -meal on the table she left the room and did not -return.</p> - -<p>With the bright noonday the wind rose again, -but now it was a soft west wind that scarcely -stirred the trees upon the ridge; the room was -flooded with sunshine chequered by the dancing -of the leaves outside the window, and white -clouds drifted across the sky like harp-strings -whereon the wind played its gentle music.</p> - -<p>The charm was broken suddenly by a knock -at the door and Antiochus ran to open. A pale -young widow with frightened eyes stood on the -threshold and asked to see the priest. By the -hand she held fast a little girl, with small, livid -face and a red scarf tied over her untidy black -hair; and, as the child dragged and struggled -from side to side in her efforts to free herself, -her eyes blazed like a wild cat's. "She is ill," -said the widow, "and I want the priest to read -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[132]</a></span> -the gospel over her to drive out the evil spirit -that has taken possession of her."</p> - -<p>Puzzled and scared, Antiochus stood holding -the door half open: this was not the time to -worry the priest with such matters, and moreover -the girl, who was twisting herself all to one -side and trying to bite her mother's hand as she -could not escape, was truly an object of both -fear and pity.</p> - -<p>"She is possessed, you see," said the widow, -turning red with shame. So then Antiochus -let her in immediately and even helped her to -push in the child, who clung to the jamb of the -door and resisted with all her might.</p> - -<p>On hearing what was the matter and that -this was already the third day on which the little -victim had behaved so strangely, always trying -to escape, deaf and dumb to all persuasions, the -priest had her brought in to him, and taking her -by the shoulders he examined her eyes and her -mouth.</p> - -<p>"Has she been much in the sun?" he -inquired.</p> - -<p>"It's not that," whispered the mother. "I -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[133]</a></span> -think she is possessed by an evil spirit. No," -she added, sobbing, "my little girl is no longer -alone!"</p> - -<p>Paul rose to fetch his Testament from his -room, then stopped and sent Antiochus for it. -The book was placed open on the table, and -with his hand upon the burning head of the -child, clasped tightly in the arms of her kneeling -mother, he read aloud:</p> - -<p>"And they arrived at the country of the -Gadarenes, which is over against Galilee. And -when he went forth to land, there met him out -of the city a certain man which had devils a long -time, and ware no clothes, neither abode in any -house, but in the tombs. When he saw Jesus -he cried out and fell down before him, and -with a loud voice said, 'What have I to do -with thee, Jesus, thou Son of God most high? -I beseech thee, torment me not.'"</p> - -<p>Antiochus turned over the page of the book -and his eyes strayed to the priest's hand which -rested on the table; at the words, "What have -I to do with thee," he saw the hand tremble, -and looking up quickly he perceived that Paul's -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[134]</a></span> -eyes were full of tears. Then, overcome by an -irresistible emotion, the boy knelt down beside -the widow, but still keeping his arm stretched -out to touch the book. And he thought to -himself:</p> - -<p>"Surely <em>he</em> is the best man in all the world, -for he weeps when he reads the word of God!" -And he did not venture to raise his eyes again -to look at Paul, but with his free hand he pulled -the little girl's skirt to keep her quiet, though -not without a secret fear that the demons who -were being exorcised from her body would -enter into his own.</p> - -<p>The possessed child had ceased throwing herself -about and stood up straight and stiff, her -thin brown neck stretched to its full length, her -little chin stuck forward over the knot of her -kerchief and her eyes fixed upon the priest's -face. Gradually her expression changed, her -mouth relaxed and opened, and it seemed as if -the words of the Gospel, the murmuring of the -wind and the rustle of the trees on the ridge -were working upon her as a charm. Suddenly -she tore her skirt from Antiochus's restraining -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[135]</a></span> -hand and fell on her knees beside him, and the -priest's hand which had rested upon her head -remained outstretched above it, as his tremulous -voice continued reading:</p> - -<p>"Now the man out of whom the devils were -departed besought him that he might be with -him: but Jesus sent him away, saying, Return -to thine own house and show how great things -God hath done unto thee...."</p> - -<p>He ceased reading and withdrew his hand. -The child was now perfectly quiet and had -turned her face wonderingly towards the boy, -and in the silence that succeeded the Gospel -words nothing was audible save the trees rustling -in the breeze and the faint tap-tap of the -stone-breaker by the roadside.</p> - -<p>Paul was suffering acutely. Not for one -moment had he shared the widow's superstition -that the girl was possessed by a devil and he -felt, therefore, that he had been reading the -Gospel without belief. The only devil which -existed was the one within himself, and this one -would not be driven forth. And yet there had -been a moment when he had felt nearer to God: -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[136]</a></span> -"What have I to do with thee?" And it -seemed to him that those three believers in -front of him, and his own mother kneeling at -the kitchen door, were bowed, not before his -power, but before his utter wretchedness. Yet -when the widow bent low to kiss his feet he -drew back sharply: he thought of his mother, -<em>who knew all</em>, and feared lest she should misjudge -him.</p> - -<p>The widow was so overwhelmed with mortification -when she raised her head that the two -children began to laugh, and even Paul's distress -relaxed a little.</p> - -<p>"That's all right, get up now," he said, -"the child is quiet."</p> - -<p>They all rose to their feet and Antiochus ran -to open the door, at which now somebody else -was knocking. It was the keeper with his dog -on the leash, and Antiochus burst out instantly, -his face beaming with joy:</p> - -<p>"A miracle has just happened! He has -driven out the devils from the body of Nina -Masia!"</p> - -<p>But the keeper did not believe in miracles; -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[137]</a></span> -he stood a little away from the door and -said:</p> - -<p>"Then let us make room for them to escape!"</p> - -<p>"They will enter into the body of your dog," -cried Antiochus.</p> - -<p>"They cannot enter because they are there -already," replied the keeper. He spoke in jest, -but maintained his usual gravity. On the -threshold of the room he drew himself up and -saluted the priest without condescending even -to glance at the women.</p> - -<p>"Can I speak to you in private, sir?"</p> - -<p>The women withdrew into the kitchen and -Antiochus carried the Testament upstairs. -When he came down, although still full of excitement -at the miracle, he stopped to listen to -what the keeper was saying:</p> - -<p>"I beg your pardon for bringing this animal -into the house, but he is quite clean and he will -give no trouble because he understands where -he is." (The dog, in fact, was standing -motionless, with lowered eyes and hanging -tail.) "I've come about the matter of old -Nicodemus Pania, nicknamed King Nicodemus. -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[138]</a></span> -He is back in his hut and has expressed the wish -to see you again and to receive extreme unction. -In my humble opinion...."</p> - -<p>"Good heavens!" exclaimed the priest -impatiently, but the next instant he was filled -with childish joy at the thought of going up to -the mountain plateau and by physical exertion -banishing for a time the perplexities that -tormented him.</p> - -<p>"Yes, yes," he added quickly, "and I shall -want a horse. What is the road like?"</p> - -<p>"I will see about the horse and the road," -said the keeper, "that is my duty."</p> - -<p>The priest offered him a drink. On principle -the keeper never accepted anything from -anyone, not even a glass of wine, but on this -occasion he felt that his own civil functions -and the priest's religious functions were so -much each a part of the other that he accepted -the invitation; so he drank, and emptied -the last drops of wine on the ground (since -the earth claims her share of whatever man -consumes), and expressed his thanks with a -military salute. Then the great dog wagged -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[139]</a></span> -his tail and looked up at Paul with an offer of -friendship in his eyes.</p> - -<p>Antiochus was ready to open the door again -and then returned to the dining-room to await -orders. He was sorry for his mother, waiting -in vain for the priest in the little room behind -the bar, which had been specially cleaned up for -the occasion and the tray with glasses placed -ready for the guest; but duty before all things -and the visit would obviously be impossible -that day.</p> - -<p>"What must I prepare?" he asked, imitating -the keeper's solemn tones. "Shall we take -the umbrella?"</p> - -<p>"What are you thinking of! I am going on -horseback and you need not come at all. I -could take you up behind me, however."</p> - -<p>"No, I will walk, I am never tired," urged -the boy, and in a few minutes he was ready, -with a little box in his hand and his red cope -folded over his arm. As far as he was concerned, -he would have liked to take the umbrella -too, but he was obliged to obey superior orders.</p> - -<p>Whilst he was waiting for the priest in front -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[140]</a></span> -of the church all the ragged urchins who made -of the square their regular playground and -battlefield gathered round him curiously -without venturing too near, and regarded the -box with respect not unmixed with terror.</p> - -<p>"Let's go nearer," said one.</p> - -<p>"You keep your distance, or I'll let loose the -keeper's dog at you!" shouted Antiochus.</p> - -<p>"The keeper's dog? Why, you daren't go -within ten miles of him!" jeered the urchins.</p> - -<p>"Daren't I?" said Antiochus with magnificent -scorn.</p> - -<p>"No, you daren't! And you think you're -as good as the Lord himself because you're -carrying the holy oil!"</p> - -<p>"If I were you," advised one open-minded -youth, "I should make off with that box and -perform all kinds of sorceries with the holy -oil."</p> - -<p>"Be off, you horse-fly! The devil that came -out of Nina Masia's body has entered into -yours!"</p> - -<p>"What's that? The devil?" cried the -boys in chorus.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[141]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Yes," said Antiochus solemnly, "this very -afternoon <em>he</em> drove out a devil from the body of -Nina Masia. Here she comes."</p> - -<p>The widow, leading the little girl by the -hand, was just coming out of the presbytery; -the boys all rushed to meet her and in one moment -the news of the miracle spread through -the village. Then occurred a scene which -recalled that which had taken place on the first -arrival of the priest. The whole population -assembled together in the square and Nina -Masia was placed by her mother on the top step -before the church door, where she sat, thin and -brown-skinned, with her green eyes and the red -kerchief over her head, looking like some -primitive idol set up to be worshipped by those -simple and credulous country folk.</p> - -<p>The women began to weep and all wanted to -touch the girl. Meanwhile the keeper had -arrived on the scene with his dog, and then the -priest crossed the square on horseback. The -crowd immediately collected round him and -made a procession to follow him, but whilst he -waved his hand to them and turned from side to -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[142]</a></span> -side acknowledging their greetings, his annoyance -at what had happened was even greater -than his distress. When he reached the top of -the hill he reined in his horse and seemed about -to speak, then suddenly put spurs to the animal -and rode rapidly down the road. He had a -desperate craving to gallop furiously away, to -escape through the valley and lose himself and -his whole being somewhere in that wide horizon -spread out before his gaze.</p> - -<p>The wind was freshening: the afternoon -sun shone warmly on the thickets and bushes, -the river reflected the blue sky and the spray -thrown up by the mill-wheel sparkled like -diamonds. The keeper with his dog and -Antiochus with his box descended the hill -soberly, fully conscious of their office, and -presently Paul drew rein and rode along -quietly. After crossing the river the road became -a mere path and wound upwards towards -the plateau, bordered by stones and low walls, -rocks and stunted trees, and the west wind blew -sweet and warm, heavy-laden with perfume, as -though it had gathered all the thyme flowers -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[143]</a></span> -and wild roses it had found upon its way and -was now strewing them again upon the earth.</p> - -<p>The path wound ever upwards: when they -turned round the side of the hill and lost sight -of the village, the world seemed nothing but -wind and stones, and white vapours that on the -horizon linked earth and sky in one. From -time to time the dog barked, and the echo in -the hills seemed to bring him answers from -other dogs all around.</p> - -<p>When they were half-way to their destination -the priest offered to take Antiochus up behind -him on the horse, but the boy refused, and -only very unwillingly yielded up the box. -And only then did he permit himself to open a -conversation with the keeper; a vain attempt, -however, for the keeper never forgot his own -imaginary importance for one moment. Every -now and then he would stop, with a portentous -frown, and drawing the peak of his cap low -over his eyes he would inspect the landscape -on every side, as though the whole world -belonged to him and were threatened with -some imminent peril. Then the dog would -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[144]</a></span> -stop too, rigid on his four paws, snuffing the -wind and quivering from ears to tail. Luckily -all was serene on that windy afternoon, the -only moving things in sight being the agile -goats climbing on distant rocks, black silhouettes -against the blue sky and rosy clouds.</p> - -<p>At last they came to a sort of declivity -covered with masses of granite, a regular -waterfall of rocks balanced one upon another -with marvellous precision. Antiochus recognized -the place, as he had once been there -with his father, and whilst the priest kept to -the path, which wound some considerable way -round, and the keeper followed him as in duty -bound, the boy scrambled down from rock to -rock and was the first to reach the hut of the -old hunter.</p> - -<p>The hut was a ramshackle erection of logs -and boughs surrounded by a partly natural -enclosure of great boulders, against which the -old man, in order to complete this sort of -prehistoric fortress, had piled other stones in -large numbers. The sun slanted down into -this enclosure as into a well: the view was -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[145]</a></span> -completely shut in on three sides, and only on -the right, between two rocks, a silver streak in -the blue distance, might be discerned the sea.</p> - -<p>On hearing steps the old man's grandson -thrust his curly black head out of the hut door.</p> - -<p>"They are coming," announced Antiochus.</p> - -<p>"Who are coming?"</p> - -<p>"The priest and the keeper."</p> - -<p>The man sprang out, as agile and hairy as -his own goats, and swore roundly at the keeper -for always interfering in other people's business.</p> - -<p>"I'll break all his bones for him!" he -growled threateningly, but when he saw the -dog he drew back, while the old man's dog ran -forward to sniff at and greet the visitor.</p> - -<p>Antiochus took charge of the box again and -sat down on a stone facing the opening in the -rocks. All around were an immense number -of wild-boar-skins, striped black and grey, and -of marten skins flecked with gold, spread out -on the rocks to dry. Inside the hut he could -see the form of the old man lying on a heap of -other skins, his dark face, framed in the white -hair and beard, already set in the composure -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[146]</a></span> -of approaching death. The priest was bending -down to interrogate him, but the dying man -made no reply, and lay with closed eyes and a -drop of blood trembling on his violet lips. -A little way off, on another stone, sat the -keeper with his dog stretched at his feet and -his eyes also fixed on the interior of the hut. -He was indignant because the dying man was -disobeying the law in not declaring what was -his last will and testament, and as Antiochus -turned his mischievous eyes in that direction -he thought somewhat maliciously that the -keeper would have liked to set his dog on the -stubborn old hunter as on a thief.</p> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[147]</a></span></p> - -</div> - -<h2>Chapter 8</h2> - -<p>Inside the hut the priest bent still lower, -his hands clasped between his knees, his -face heavy with weariness and displeasure. He -too was silent now: he almost seemed to have -forgotten why he was there and sat listening to -the wind as if it were the distant murmur of the -sea. Suddenly the keeper's dog sprang up -barking, and Antiochus heard the rustle of -wings over his head: he looked up and saw -the old hunter's tame eagle alighting on a rock, -with its great wings outspread and slowly -beating the air like an immense black fan.</p> - -<p>Inside the hut Paul was thinking to himself:</p> - -<p>"And this is death. This man fled from -other men because he was afraid of committing -murder or some other great crime. And here -he lies now, a stone amongst stones. So shall -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[148]</a></span> -I lie in thirty, forty years, after an exile that -has lasted through eternity. And perhaps she -will still be expecting me to-night...."</p> - -<p>He started up. Ah, no, he was not dead -as he had thought: life was beating within -him, surging up strong and tenacious like the -eagle amongst the stones.</p> - -<p>"I must remain up here all night," he told -himself. "If I can get through this night -without seeing her I shall be saved."</p> - -<p>He went outside and sat down beside -Antiochus. The sun was sinking in a crimson -sky, the shadows of the high rocks were -lengthening over the enclosure and the wind-tossed -bushes, and in the same way as he could -not distinguish objects clearly in the uncertain -light without, so Paul could not tell which of -the two desires within him was the strongest. -Presently he said:</p> - -<p>"The old man cannot speak now, he is dying. -It is time to administer extreme unction, and -if he dies we must arrange for the body to be -moved. It will be necessary ..." he added -as though to himself, but did not dare to -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[149]</a></span> -complete the sentence, "it will be necessary -to spend the night here."</p> - -<p>Antiochus got up and began to make preparations -for the ceremony. He opened the box, -pressing the silver fasteners with enjoyment, -and drew out the white cloth and the amphora -of oil: then he unfolded his red cope and put -it on—he might have been himself the priest! -When everything was ready they went back -into the hut, where the grandson, on his -knees, was supporting the dying man's head. -Antiochus knelt down on the other side, with -the folds of his cope spread out on the ground. -He laid the white cloth over the stone that -served as a table, and the scarlet of his cope -was reflected in the silver amphora. The -keeper, too, knelt down outside the hut, with -his dog beside him.</p> - -<p>Then the priest anointed the old man's -forehead, and the palms of his hands which -had never sought to do violence to anyone, -and his feet which had borne him far from -men as from evil itself.</p> - -<p>The setting sun shone direct into the hut -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[150]</a></span> -with a last dazzling splendour, lighting up -Antiochus in his scarlet cope, so that between -the old man and the priest he looked like a -live coal amongst dead cinders.</p> - -<p>"I shall have to go back," thought Paul. -"I have no excuse for remaining here." -Presently he went outside the hut and said: -"There is no hope, he is quite unconscious."</p> - -<p>"Comatose," said the keeper with precision.</p> - -<p>"He cannot live more than a few hours and -arrangements must be made for transporting -the body down to the village," continued -Paul; and he longed to add, "And I must stay -here all night," but he was ashamed of his -untruth.</p> - -<p>Moreover he was beginning now to feel the -need of walking and a craving to get back to -the village. As night fell the thought of sin -began subtly to attract him again and drew -him in with the invisible net of darkness. He -felt it and was afraid; but he kept guard over -himself, and he knew his conscience was awake -and ready to uphold him.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[151]</a></span></p> - -<p>"If only I could get through this one night -without seeing her I should be saved!" was -his silent cry. If only some one would detain -him by force! If the old man would revive -and hold him fast by the hem of his robe!</p> - -<p>He sat down again and cast about for some -excuse for delaying his departure. The sun -had now sunk below the edge of the high -plateau, and the trunks of the oaks stood out -boldly against the red glow of the sky like the -pillars of some gigantic portico, surmounted -by an immense black roof. Not even the -presence of death could mar the peace of that -majestic solitude. Paul was weary and, as in -the morning at the foot of the altar, he would -have liked to lie down upon the stones and -fall asleep.</p> - -<p>Meanwhile the keeper had come to a decision -on his own account. He entered the hut and, -kneeling down beside the dying man, whispered -something into his ear. The grandson looked -on with suspicion and contempt, then approached -the priest and said:</p> - -<p>"Now that you have done your duty, -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[152]</a></span> -depart in peace. I know what has to be done -now."</p> - -<p>At that moment the keeper came outside -again.</p> - -<p>"He is past speaking," he said, "but he -gave me to understand by a sign that he has -put all his affairs in order. Nicodemus Pania," -he added, turning towards the grandson, "can -you assure us on your conscience that we may -leave here with quiet minds?"</p> - -<p>"Except for the holy sacrament of extreme -unction, you need not have come at all. What -business have you to meddle in my affairs?" -answered the grandson truculently.</p> - -<p>"We must carry out the law! And don't -raise your voice like that, Nicodemus Pania!" -retorted the keeper.</p> - -<p>"Enough, enough, no shouting," said the -priest, pointing to the hut.</p> - -<p>"You are always teaching that there is only -one duty in life, and that is to do one's own -duty," said the keeper sententiously.</p> - -<p>Paul sprang to his feet, struck by those -words. Everything he heard now seemed -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[153]</a></span> -meant specially for him, and he thought God -was making known His will through the mouths -of men. He mounted his horse and said to -the old man's grandson:</p> - -<p>"Stay with your grandfather until he is -dead. God is great and we never know what -may happen."</p> - -<p>The man accompanied him part of the way, -and when they were out of earshot of the -keeper he said:</p> - -<p>"Listen, sir. My grandfather did give his -money into my charge; it's here, inside my -coat. It is not much, but whatever it is, it -belongs to me, doesn't it?"</p> - -<p>"If your grandfather gave it to you for -yourself alone, then it is yours," replied Paul, -turning round to see if the others were -following.</p> - -<p>They were following. Antiochus was leaning -on a stick he had fashioned for himself out of the -branch of a tree, and the keeper, the glazed -peak of his cap and the buttons of his tunic -reflecting the last rays of the evening light, -had halted at the corner of the path and was -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[154]</a></span> -giving the military salute in the direction of -the hut. He was saluting death. And from -his rocky perch the eagle answered the salute -with a last flap of his great wings before he -too went to sleep.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The shades of night crept rapidly up from -the valley and soon enveloped the three -wayfarers. When they had crossed the river, -however, and had turned into the path that -led up towards home, their road was lit up -by a distant glare that came from the village -itself. It looked as if the whole place were on -fire; huge flames were leaping on the summit -of the ridge, and the keeper's keen sight -distinguished numerous figures moving about -in the square in front of the church. It was -a Saturday, and nearly all the men would have -returned to their homes for the Sunday rest, -but this did not explain the reason for the -bonfires and the unusual excitement in the -village.</p> - -<p>"I know what it is!" called Antiochus -joyfully. "They are waiting for us to come -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[155]</a></span> -back, and they are going to celebrate the -miracle of Nina Masia!"</p> - -<p>"Good heavens! Are you quite mad, -Antiochus?" cried the priest, with something -akin to terror as he gazed at the hill-side below -the village, over which the bonfires were casting -their lurid glare.</p> - -<p>The keeper made no remark, but in contemptuous -silence he rattled the dog's chain -and the animal barked loudly. Whereupon -hoarse shouts and yells echoed through the -valley, and to the priest in his misery it seemed -as though some mysterious voice were protesting -against the way in which he had imposed -on the simplicity of his parishioners.</p> - -<p>"What have I done to them?" he asked -himself. "I have made fools of them just as -I have made a fool of myself. May God save -us all!"</p> - -<p>Suggestions for heroic action rushed into -his mind. When he reached the village he -would stop in the midst of his people and -confess his sin; he would tear open his breast -before them all and show them his wretched -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[156]</a></span> -heart, consumed with grief, but burning more -fiercely with the flame of his anguish than the -fires of brushwood upon the ridge.</p> - -<p>But here the voice of his conscience -spoke:</p> - -<p>"It is their faith that they are celebrating. -They are glorifying God in thee and thou hast -no right to thrust thyself and thy wretchedness -between them and God."</p> - -<p>But from deeper still within him another -voice made itself heard:</p> - -<p>"It is not that. It is because thou art base -and vile and art afraid of suffering, of burning -in very truth."</p> - -<p>And the nearer they came to the village and -the men, the more abased did Paul feel. As -the leaping flames fought with the shadows on -the hill-side so light and darkness seemed to -fight in his conscience, and he did not know -what to do. He remembered his first arrival -in the village years ago, with his mother -following him anxiously as she had followed -the first steps of his infancy.</p> - -<p>"And I have fallen in her sight," he groaned. -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[157]</a></span> -"She thinks she has raised me up again, but -I am wounded to death."</p> - -<p>Then suddenly he bethought him, with a -sense of relief, that this improvised festival -would help him out of his difficulty and avert -the danger he feared.</p> - -<p>"I will invite some of them to the presbytery -to spend the evening, and they are sure to stay -late. If I can get through this night I shall -be safe."</p> - -<p>The black figures of the men leaning over -the parapet of the square could now be -distinguished, and higher up, behind the church, -the flames of the bonfires were waving in the -air like long red flags. The bells were not -ringing as on that former occasion, but the -melancholy sound of a concertina accompanied -the general uproar.</p> - -<p>All at once from the top of the church tower -there shot up a silver star, which instantly -broke into a thousand sparks with an explosion -that echoed through the valley. A shout of -delight went up from the crowd, followed by -another brilliant shower of sparks and the noise -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[158]</a></span> -of shots being fired. They were letting off -their guns in sign of rejoicing, as they did on -the nights of the great feasts.</p> - -<p>"They have gone mad," said the keeper, -and he ran off at full speed in advance, the dog -barking fiercely as though there were some -revolt to be quelled up there.</p> - -<p>Antiochus, on the other hand, felt inclined -to weep. He looked at the priest sitting -straight upright on his horse and thought he -resembled some saint carried in procession. -Nevertheless, his reflections took a practical -turn:</p> - -<p>"My mother will do good business to-night -with all these merry folk!"</p> - -<p>And he felt so happy that he unfolded the -cope and threw it over his shoulders. Then he -wanted to carry the box again, though he -would not give up his new stick, and thus -he entered the village looking like one of the -Three Kings.</p> - -<p>The old hunter's granddaughter called to -the priest from her door and asked for news -of her grandfather.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[159]</a></span></p> - -<p>"All is well," said Paul.</p> - -<p>"Then grandfather is better, is he?"</p> - -<p>"Your grandfather is dead by this time."</p> - -<p>She gave a scream, and that was the only -discordant note of the festival.</p> - -<p>The boys had already gone down the hill to -meet the priest; they swarmed round his horse -like a cloud of flies, and all went up together -to the church square. The people there were -not so numerous as they had looked from a -distance, and the presence of the keeper with -his dog had infused some sort of order into the -proceedings. The men were ranged round the -parapet underneath the trees and some were -drinking in front of the little wine-shop kept -by the mother of Antiochus: the women, -their sleeping infants in their arms, were sitting -on the church steps, and in the midst of them -sat Nina Masia, as quiet now as a drowsy cat.</p> - -<p>In the centre of the square stood the keeper -with his dog, as stiff as a statue.</p> - -<p>On the arrival of the priest they all got up -and gathered round him; but the horse, -secretly spurred by its rider, started forward -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[160]</a></span> -towards a street on the opposite side from the -church, where was the house of its master. -Whereupon the master, who happened to be -one of the men drinking in front of the wine-shop, -came forward glass in hand and caught -the animal by the bridle.</p> - -<p>"Heh, nag, what are you thinking of? -Here I am!"</p> - -<p>The horse stopped immediately, nuzzling -towards its master as if it wanted to drink the -wine in his glass. The priest made a movement -to dismount, but the man held him fast by -one leg, while he led horse and rider in front -of the wine-shop, where he stretched out his -glass to a companion who was holding the -bottle.</p> - -<p>The whole crowd, men and women, now -formed a circle round the priest. In the -lighted doorway of the wine-shop, smiling at -the scene, stood the tall, gipsy-like figure of -Antiochus's mother, her face almost bronze-coloured -in the reflection of the bonfires. The -babies had wakened up startled and were -struggling in their mothers' arms, the gold and -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[161]</a></span> -coral amulets with which all, even the poorest, -was adorned, gleaming as they moved. And in -the centre of this restless throng, confused -grey figures in the darkness, sat the priest high -upon his horse, in very truth like a shepherd in -the midst of his flock.</p> - -<p>A white-bearded old man placed his hand on -Paul's knee and turned towards the people:</p> - -<p>"Good folk," he said in a voice shaking with -emotion, "this is truly a man of God!"</p> - -<p>"Then drink to a good vintage!" cried -the owner of the horse offering the glass, which -Paul accepted and immediately put to his lips; -but his teeth shook against the edge of the -glass as though the red wine glowing in the -light of the fires were not wine, but blood.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[162]</a></span></p> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[163]</a></span></p> - -</div> - -<h2>Chapter 9</h2> - -<p>Paul was seated again at his own table in -the little dining-room, lighted by an oil -lamp. Behind the ridge, which looked a -mountain as seen from the presbytery window, -the full moon was rising in the pale sky.</p> - -<p>He had invited several of the villagers to come -in and keep him company, amongst them the -old man with the white beard and the owner -of the horse, and they were still sitting there -drinking and joking, and telling hunting stories. -The old man with the white beard, a hunter -himself, was criticizing King Nicodemus because, -in his opinion, the old recluse did not conduct -his hunting according to the law of God.</p> - -<p>"I don't want to speak ill of him in his last -hour," he was saying; "but to tell the truth, -he went out hunting simply as a speculation. -Now last winter he must have made thousands -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[164]</a></span> -of lire by marten skins alone. God allows us -to shoot animals, but not to exterminate them! -And he used to snare them, too, and that is -forbidden, because animals feel pain just as we -do, and the hours they lie caught in the snares -must be terrible. Once I myself, with these -very eyes, I saw a snare where a hare had left -her foot. Do you understand what that -means? The hare had been caught in the -snare and had gnawed the flesh away all round -her foot, and had broken her leg off to get free. -And what did Nicodemus do with his money, -after all? He hid it, and now his grandson will -drink it all in a few days."</p> - -<p>"Money is made to be spent," said the -owner of the horse, a man much given to boasting; -"I myself, for instance, I have always -spent freely and enjoyed myself, without hurting -anyone. Once at our festival, having -nothing else to do, I stopped a man who sold -silk reels and happened to be passing with a -load of his goods; I bought the whole lot, then -I set them rolling about on the piazza and ran -after them, kicking them here and there and -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[165]</a></span> -everywhere! In one instant the whole crowd -was after me, laughing and yelling, and the -boys and young men, and even some of the -older men began to imitate me. That was a -game that's not forgotten yet! Every time -the old priest saw me he used to shout from -ever so far: 'Hallo, Pasquale Masia, haven't -you any reels to set rolling to-day?'"</p> - -<p>All the guests laughed at the tale, only Paul -seemed absent-minded and looked pale and -tired. The old man with the white beard, who -was observing him with reverent affection, -winked at his companions to suggest an immediate -departure. It was time to leave the servant -of God to his holy solitude and well-merited -repose.</p> - -<p>The guests rose from their seats all together -and took respectful leave of their host; and -Paul found himself alone, between the flickering -flame of the oil lamp and the calm splendour -of the moon that shone in through the high -window, while the sound of the heavy iron-shod -shoes of his departing guests echoed down the -deserted street.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[166]</a></span></p> - -<p>It was yet early to go to bed, and although -he was utterly worn out and his shoulders -ached with fatigue, as though he had been bearing -a heavy yoke all the day, he had no thought -of going up to his own room. His mother was -still in the kitchen: he could not see her from -where he sat, but he knew that she was watching -as on <em>the previous night</em>.</p> - -<p>The previous night! He felt as if he had -been suddenly awakened out of a long sleep, and -the distress of his return home from the house -of Agnes, and his thoughts in the night, the -letter, the Mass, the journey up the mountain, -the villagers' demonstration, had all been only -a dream. His real life was beginning again -now: he had but to take a step, a dozen steps, -to open the door ... and go back to her.... -His real life was beginning again.</p> - -<p>"But perhaps she is not expecting me any -longer. Perhaps she will never expect me -again!"</p> - -<p>Then he felt his knees trembling and terror -took hold of him again, not at the thought of -going back to her, but at the thought that she -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[167]</a></span> -might have accepted her fate and be already -beginning to forget him.</p> - -<p>Then he realized that in the depths of his -heart the hardest thing to bear since he came -down from the mountain had been this—not -knowing anything about her, her silence, her -vanishing out of his life.</p> - -<p>This was the veritable death, that she should -cease to love him.</p> - -<p>He buried his face in his hands and tried to -bring her image before his mind's eye, then he -began to reproach her for those things for which -she might justly have reproached him.</p> - -<p>"Agnes, you cannot forget your promises! -How can you forget them? You held my -wrists in your two strong hands and said to me: -'We are bound to each other for ever, in life -and in death.' Is it possible that you can forget? -You said, you know...."</p> - -<p>His fingers gripped at his collar, for he was -suffocating with his distress.</p> - -<p>"The devil has caught me in his snare," he -thought, and remembered the hare who had -gnawed off her own foot.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[168]</a></span></p> - -<p>He drew a deep breath, rose from his chair, -and took up the lamp. He determined to -conquer his will, to gnaw his own flesh also if -thereby he could only free himself. Now he -decided to go up to his room, but as he moved -towards the hall he saw his mother sitting in -her accustomed place in the silent kitchen, and -beside her was Antiochus fast asleep. He went -to the door:</p> - -<p>"Why is that boy still here?" he asked.</p> - -<p>His mother looked at him hesitatingly: she -would have preferred not to answer, but to have -hidden Antiochus behind her wide skirts in -order that Paul should not wait up any longer, -but go to his room and to bed. Her faith in -him was now completely restored, but she too -thought of the devil and his snares. At this -moment, however, Antiochus woke up and -remembered very well why he was still waiting -there, in spite of the fact that the woman had -several times asked him to go.</p> - -<p>"I was waiting here because my mother is -expecting a visit from you," he explained.</p> - -<p>"But is this a time of night to go paying -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[169]</a></span> -visits?" protested the priest's mother. -"Come now, be off with you, and tell her that -Paul is tired and will go and see her to-morrow."</p> - -<p>She spoke to the boy, but she was looking at -her son: she saw his glassy eyes fixed upon the -lamp, but his eyelids quivered like the wings of -a moth in a candle.</p> - -<p>Antiochus got up with an expression of deep -disappointment.</p> - -<p>"But my mother is expecting him; she -thinks it's something important."</p> - -<p>"If it was anything important he would go -and tell her at once. Come, be off with you!"</p> - -<p>She spoke sharply, and as Paul looked at her -his eyes lit up again with quick resentment: -he saw that his mother was afraid lest he should -go out again, and the knowledge filled him with -unreasoning anger. He banged the lamp down -on the table again and called to Antiochus:</p> - -<p>"We will go and see your mother."</p> - -<p>In the hall, however, he turned and added:</p> - -<p>"I shall be back directly, mother; don't -fasten the door."</p> - -<p>She had not moved from where she sat, but -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[170]</a></span> -when the two had left the house she went to -peep through the half-open door and saw them -cross the moonlit square and enter the wine-shop, -which was still lighted up. Then she -went back to the kitchen and began her vigil -as on the previous night.</p> - -<p>She marvelled at herself to find that she was -no longer afraid of the old priest reappearing; -it had all been a dream. At the bottom of her -heart, however, she did not feel at all certain -that the ghost would not come back and -demand his mended socks.</p> - -<p>"I have mended them all right," she said -aloud, thinking of those she had mended for -her son. And she felt that even if the ghost -did come back she would be able to hold her -own with him and keep on friendly terms.</p> - -<p>Complete silence reigned all round. Outside -the window the trees shone silver in the -bright moonlight, the sky was like a milky sea, -and the perfume of the aromatic shrubs penetrated -even into the house. And the mother -herself was tranquil now, though she hardly -knew why, seeing that Paul might yet fall -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[171]</a></span> -again into sin; but she no longer felt the same -terror of it. She saw again in her mind's eye -the lashes trembling on his cheeks, like those of -a child about to cry, and her mother's heart -melted with tenderness and pity.</p> - -<p>"And why, oh Lord, why, why?"</p> - -<p>She dared not complete her question, but it -remained at the bottom of her heart like a -stone at the bottom of a well. Why, oh Lord, -was Paul forbidden to love a woman? Love -was lawful for all, even for servants and herdsmen, -even for the blind and for convicts in -prison; so why should Paul, her child, be the -only one to whom love was forbidden?</p> - -<p>Then again the consciousness of reality -forced itself on her. She remembered the -words of Antiochus, and was ashamed of being -less wise than a boy.</p> - -<p>"They themselves, the youngest amongst -the priests, asked permission to live chaste and -free, apart from women."</p> - -<p>Moreover, her Paul was a strong man, in no -wise inferior to his ancient predecessors. He -would never give way to tears; his eyelids -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[172]</a></span> -would close over eyes dry as those of the dead, -for he was a strong man.</p> - -<p>"I am growing childish!" she sobbed.</p> - -<p>She felt as if she had grown twenty years -older in that one long day of wearing emotions: -each hour that passed had added to the burden -she bore, each minute had struck a blow upon -her soul as the hammer of the stone-breaker -struck upon the heaps of broken rock there -behind the ridge. So many things now seemed -clear to her, different from on the previous day. -The figure of Agnes came before her, with the -proud look that concealed all she really felt.</p> - -<p>"She is strong too," thought the mother; -"she will hide everything."</p> - -<p>Then slowly she rose from her chair and -began to cover the fire with ashes, banking it -up carefully so that no sparks could fly out and -set fire to anything near: then she shut the -house door, for she knew Paul always carried a -key with him. She stamped about loudly, -as though he could hear her across the square, -and believe her firm footsteps to be an outward -sign of her inward assurance.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[173]</a></span></p> - -<p>She felt, however, that this assurance was -not so very firm after all. But then what is -really firm in this life? Neither the base of -the mountains nor the foundations of the -churches, for an earthquake may overthrow -them both. Thus she felt sure of Paul for the -future, and sure of herself, but always with an -underlying dread of the unknown which might -chance to supervene. And when she reached -her bedroom she dropped wearily into a chair, -wondering whether it would not have been -better after all to leave the front door open.</p> - -<p>Then she got up and began to untie her apron -string; but it had twisted into a knot over -which she lost patience at last, and went to -fetch a pair of scissors from her work-basket. -She found the kitten curled up asleep inside -the basket, and the scissors and reels were all -warm from contact with its tiny body; and -somehow the touch of the living thing made -her repent of her impatience, and she went -back to the lamp, and drawing the knot in -front of her she succeeded at last in untying it. -With a sigh of relief she slowly undressed, -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[174]</a></span> -carefully folding her garments one by one on -the chair, first, however, taking the keys out of -her apron pocket and laying them in a row on -the table like a respectable family all asleep. -Thus her masters had taught her in her youth -to cultivate order and tidiness, and she still -obeyed the old instructions.</p> - -<p>She sat down again, half undressed, her short -chemise displaying thin brown legs that might -have been made of wood, and she yawned with -weariness and resignation. No, she would not -go downstairs again; her son should come home -and find the door closed, and see from that -fact that his mother had full confidence in him. -That was the right way to manage him, show -that you trusted him absolutely. Nevertheless, -she was on the alert, and listened for the least -sound; not in the same way as on the previous -night, but still she listened. She drew off her -shoes and placed them side by side, like two sisters -who must keep each other company even during -the night, and went on murmuring her prayers -and yawning, yawning with weariness and resignation, -and with sheer nervousness, too.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[175]</a></span></p> - -<p>Whatever could Paul have to say to Antiochus's -mother? The woman had by no means -a good reputation, she lent money on usury -and was commonly supposed to be a procuress -too. No, Paul's mother could not understand -it. Then she blew out the candle, snuffed the -smoking wick with her fingers and got into bed, -but could not bring herself to lie down.</p> - -<p>Presently she thought she heard a step in -her room. Was it the ghost come back? She -was filled with a horrible fear lest he should -come up to the bed and take hold of her; for -a moment her blood froze in her veins, then -surged to her heart as a people in tumult -rushes through the streets of its city to the -principal square. Then she recovered herself -and was ashamed of her fear, only caused, she -was sure, by the wicked doubts she had entertained -of her Paul.</p> - -<p>No, those doubts were all ended: never -again would she inquire into the very smallest -of his actions; it was her place to keep quietly -in the background, as she was now, in her little -room fit only for a servant. She lay down and -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[176]</a></span> -drew the bedclothes over her, covering her -ears, too, so that she might not hear whether -Paul came home or not; but in her inner consciousness -she <em>felt</em> all the same, she felt that -he was not coming home, that he had been -carried off by some one against his will, as one -drawn reluctantly into a dance.</p> - -<p>Nevertheless she felt quite sure of him; -sooner or later he would manage to escape and -come home. Anyhow, she was resting quietly -under the bedclothes, though not yet asleep, -and she had a confused impression that she was -still trying to undo the knot in her apron string. -Then the faint buzzing in her ears beneath the -coverlet turned gradually into the murmuring -of the crowd in the square beneath her window, -and farther off still the murmuring of a people -who lamented, and yet whilst lamenting -laughed and danced and sang. Her Paul was -there in the midst of them, and above them all -in some high, far place, a lute was being softly -played. Perhaps it was God Himself playing -to the dance of men.</p> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[177]</a></span></p> - -</div> - -<h2>Chapter 10</h2> - -<p>All day long Antiochus's mother had been -speculating as to what could be the -object of the priest's visit, for which her boy -had prepared her, but she took good care not -to betray by her manner that she was expecting -him. Perhaps he intended making a few -remarks on the subject of usury, and certain -other trades which she practised; or because -she was in the habit of lending out—for purely -medical purposes, but always for a small fee—certain -very ancient relics which she had -inherited from her husband's family. Or -perhaps he wanted to borrow money, either -for himself or some one else. Whatever it -might prove to be, as soon as the last customer -had departed she went to the door and stood -there with her hands in her pockets, heavy with -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[178]</a></span> -copper coins, looking out to see whether -Antiochus at least were not in sight.</p> - -<p>Then immediately she pretended to be -busied with shutting the door, and in fact she -did shut the lower half, bending down to fasten -the bolt. She was active in her movements, -although tall and stout; but, contrary to the -other women of the place, she had a small head, -which only looked large because of the great -mass of black plaits that encircled it.</p> - -<p>As the priest approached she drew herself -up and bade him good evening with much -dignity, though her black eyes looked straight -into his with an ardent, languorous gaze. Then -she invited him to take a seat in the room -behind the wine-shop, and Antiochus's wistful -eyes begged her to press the invitation. But -the priest said good-humouredly:</p> - -<p>"No, let us stay here," and he sat down at -one of the long, wine-stained tables that -furnished the little tavern, whilst Antiochus, -resigned to the inevitable, stood beside him, -casting anxious glances round, however, to see -if everything was in order and fearful lest any -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[179]</a></span> -belated customer should come in to disturb the -conference.</p> - -<p>Nobody came and everything was in order. -The big petroleum lamp threw an immense -shadow of his mother on the wall behind the -little bar, covered with shelves filled with bottles -of red, yellow and green liqueurs, the light falling -crudely on the small black casks ranged along -the opposite side of the shop. There was no -other furniture except the long table at which -sat the priest, and another smaller one, and -over the door hung a bunch of broom which -served the double purpose of informing -passers-by that this was the door of a wine-shop -and of attracting flies away from the glasses.</p> - -<p>Antiochus had been waiting for this moment -during the whole of the day, with the feeling -that some mystery would then be revealed. -He was afraid of some intruder coming in, or -that his mother would not behave as she should. -He would have liked her to be more humble, -more docile in the presence of the priest; but -instead of that she had taken her seat again -behind the bar, and sat there as composedly as a -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[180]</a></span> -queen on her throne. She did not even appear -to realize that the man seated at the tavern -table like an ordinary customer was a saint who -worked miracles, and she was not even grateful -for the large quantity of wine which he had -been the indirect means of her selling that -day!</p> - -<p>At last, however, Paul opened the conversation.</p> - -<p>"I should have liked to see your husband as -well," he began, resting his elbows on the table -and placing his finger-tips together, "but -Antiochus tells me that he will not be back -until Sunday week."</p> - -<p>The woman merely nodded in assent.</p> - -<p>"Yes, on Sunday week, but I can go and fetch -him, if you like," broke in Antiochus, with an -eagerness of which neither of the others took -the least notice.</p> - -<p>"It is about the boy," continued Paul. -"The time has come when you must really consider -in earnest what you are going to do with -him. He is growing big now and you must -either teach him a trade or, if you want to make -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[181]</a></span> -a priest of him, you must think very seriously -of the responsibility you are undertaking."</p> - -<p>Antiochus opened his lips, but as his mother -began to speak he listened to her silently, -though with a shade of disapproval on his -anxious young face.</p> - -<p>The woman seized the occasion, as she always -did, to sound the praises of her husband, also -to excuse herself for having married a man -much older than herself:</p> - -<p>"My Martin, as your Reverence knows, is -the most conscientious man in the world; he is -a good husband and a good father and a better -workman than anyone else. Who is there in -the whole village who works as hard as he does? -Tell me that, your Reverence, you who know -what sort of a character the village has got -through the idleness of its inhabitants! I say, -then, that if Antiochus wants to choose a trade, -he has only to follow his father's; that is the -best trade for him. The boy is free to do as he -likes, and even if he wants to do nothing (I -don't say it for vanity), he will be able to live -without turning thief, thank God! But if he -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[182]</a></span> -wants a trade different from his father's, then he -must choose for himself. If he wants to be a -charcoal-burner, let him be a charcoal-burner; -if he wants to be a carpenter, let him be a -carpenter; if he wants to be a labourer, let -him be a labourer."</p> - -<p>"I want to be a priest!" said the boy with -quivering lips and eager eyes.</p> - -<p>"Very well then, be a priest," replied his -mother.</p> - -<p>And thus his fate was decided.</p> - -<p>Paul let his hands fall upon the table and -gazed slowly round him. Quite suddenly he -felt it was ridiculous that he should thus interest -himself in other people's business. How could -he possibly solve the problem of the future -for Antiochus when he could not succeed in -solving it for himself? The boy stood before -him in ardent expectation, like a piece of red-hot -iron awaiting the stroke of the hammer to -mould it into shape, and every word had the -power to either make or mar him. Paul's -gaze rested on him with something akin to -envy, and in the depths of his conscience he -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[183]</a></span> -applauded the mother's action in leaving her -son free to follow his own instincts.</p> - -<p>"Instinct never leads us wrong," he said -aloud, following his own train of thought. -"But now, Antiochus, tell me in your mother's -presence the reason why you wish to be a -priest. Being a priest is not a trade, you know; -it is not like being a charcoal-burner or a -carpenter. You think now that it is a very easy, -comfortable kind of life, but later on you will -find that it is very difficult. The joys and -pleasures allowed to all other men are forbidden -to us, and if we truly desire to serve the Lord -our life is one continuous sacrifice."</p> - -<p>"I know that," replied the boy very simply. -"I desire to serve the Lord."</p> - -<p>He looked at his mother then, because he -was a little ashamed of betraying all his enthusiasm -before her, but she sat behind the -bar as calmly and coldly as when she was -merely serving customers. So Antiochus went -on:</p> - -<p>"Both my father and mother are willing for -me to become a priest; why should they -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[184]</a></span> -object? I am very careless sometimes, but -that is because I am still only a boy, and in -future I mean to be much more serious and -attentive."</p> - -<p>"That is not the question, Antiochus; you -are too serious and attentive already!" said -Paul. "At your age you should be heedless -and merry. Learn and prepare yourself for -life, certainly, but be a boy too."</p> - -<p>"And am I not a boy?" protested Antiochus; -"I do play, only you don't happen to -see me just when I am playing! Besides, why -should I play if I don't feel inclined? I have -lots of amusements: I enjoy ringing the church -bells and I feel as if I was a bird up in the tower. -And haven't I had an amusing time to-day? I -enjoyed carrying the box and climbing up ever -so high amongst the rocks, and I got there -before you, although you were riding! I enjoyed -coming home again ... and to-day I -enjoyed ... I was happy," and the boy's eyes -sought the ground as he added, "when you -drove the devils out of the body of Nina -Masia."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[185]</a></span></p> - -<p>"You believed in that?" asked the priest in -a low voice, and immediately he saw the boy's -eyes look upward, so glorious with the light of -faith and wonder that instinctively he lowered -his own to hide the dark shadow that rested on -his soul.</p> - -<p>"Only, when we are children we think in one -way and everything looks great and beautiful -to us," continued Paul, much disturbed, "but -when we are grown up things look different. -One must reflect very carefully before undertaking -anything important so that one may not -come to repent afterwards."</p> - -<p>"I shall not repent, I'm sure," said the boy -with decision. "Have you repented? No, -and neither shall I repent."</p> - -<p>Paul lifted up his eyes: again he felt that he -held in his hands the soul of this child, to mould -it like wax, and that a few careless touches -might deform it for ever. And again he feared -and was silent.</p> - -<p>All this time the woman behind the bar had -listened quietly, but now the priest's words -began to cause her a certain uneasiness. She -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[186]</a></span> -opened a drawer in front of her, wherein she -kept her money, and the cornelian rings and -the brooches and mother-of-pearl ornaments -pledged by the village women in return for small -loans; and evil thoughts flashed through the -darkest recesses of her mind, like those forlorn -trinkets at the bottom of her drawer.</p> - -<p>"The priest is afraid that Antiochus will -turn him out of his parish some time or other," -she was thinking, "or else he is in need of money -and is working off his bad temper first. Now -he'll be asking for a loan."</p> - -<p>She closed the drawer softly and resumed her -tranquil demeanour. She always sat there in -silence and never took part in the discussions -between her customers, even though invited -to give her opinion, especially if they were -playing cards. Thus she left her little Antiochus -to face his adversary by himself.</p> - -<p>"How is it possible not to believe?" said -the boy, between awe and excitement. "Nina -Masia was possessed, wasn't she? Why, I myself -felt the devil inside her shaking her like a wolf -in a cage. And it was nothing but the words -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[187]</a></span> -of the Gospel spoken by you that set her free!"</p> - -<p>"That is true, the Word of God can achieve -all things," admitted the priest. Then suddenly -he rose from his seat.</p> - -<p>Was he going? Antiochus gazed at him in -consternation.</p> - -<p>"Are you going?" he murmured.</p> - -<p>Was this the famous visit? He ran to the -bar and made a desperate sign to his mother, -who turned round and took down a bottle from -the shelves. She was disappointed too, for she -had hoped for a chance of lending money to -the parish priest, even at a very low interest, -thereby in some way legitimizing her usury in -the sight of God. But instead of that, he had -simply come to inform Antiochus that being -a priest was not the same thing as being a carpenter! -However, she must do him honour, in -any case.</p> - -<p>"But your Reverence is not going away like -that! Accept something to drink, at least; -this wine is very old."</p> - -<p>Antiochus was already holding the tray with -a glass goblet upon it.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[188]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Then only a little," said Paul.</p> - -<p>Leaning across the bar, the woman poured -out the wine, careful not to spill a drop. Paul -raised his glass, within which the ruby liquid -exhaled a perfume like a dusky rose, and after -first making Antiochus taste it, he put it to his -own lips:</p> - -<p>"Then let us drink to the future parish priest -of Aar!" he said.</p> - -<p>Antiochus was obliged to lean against the bar, -for his knees gave way under him; that was -the happiest moment of his life. The woman -had turned round to replace the precious bottle -on the shelf, and, absorbed in his joy, the lad did -not notice that the priest had gone deathly -pale and was staring out of the doorway as -though he beheld a ghost.</p> - -<p>A dark figure was running silently across the -square, came to the wine-shop door, looked -round the interior with wide-open black eyes, -and then entered, panting.</p> - -<p>It was one of Agnes's servants.</p> - -<p>The priest instinctively withdrew to the far -end of the tavern, trying to hide himself, then -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[189]</a></span> -came forward again on a sudden impulse. He -felt as if he were revolving round and round -like a top, then pulled himself together and -remembered that he was not alone and must be -careful not to excite remark. So he stood -still. But he had no desire to hear what the -servant was telling the woman, listening eagerly -behind the bar, his only desire was flight and -safety; his heart had stopped beating, and all -the blood in his body had rushed to his head -and was roaring in his ears. Nevertheless the -servant's words penetrated to the utmost depths -of his soul.</p> - -<p>"She fell down," said the girl breathlessly, -"and the blood poured from her nose in a -stream, such a stream that we thought she had -broken something inside her head! And she's -bleeding still! Give me the keys of St. Mary -of Egypt, for that is the only thing that can -stop it."</p> - -<p>Antiochus, who stood listening with the tray -and glass still in his hands, ran to fetch the keys -of an old church, now demolished, which keys -when actually laid on the shoulders of anyone -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[190]</a></span> -suffering from hćmorrhage of the nose did to -some extent arrest the flow of blood.</p> - -<p>"All this is just pretence," thought Paul, -"there is no truth whatever in the tale. -She sent her servant to spy on me and endeavour -to lure me to her house, and they are -probably in league with this worthless woman -here."</p> - -<p>And yet deep, deep within him the agitation -grew till all his being was in a tumult. Ah no, -the servant was not lying; Agnes was too proud -to confide in anyone, and least of all in her -servants. Agnes was really ill, and with his -inward eye he saw her sweet face all stained -with blood. And it was he himself who had -struck her the blow. "We thought she had -broken something inside her head."</p> - -<p>He saw the shifty eyes of the woman behind -the bar glance swiftly in his direction, with -obvious surprise at his apparent indifference.</p> - -<p>"But how did it happen?" he then asked -the servant, but coolly and calmly, as though -seeking to conceal his anxiety even from himself.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[191]</a></span></p> - -<p>The girl turned and confronted him, her -dark, hard, pointed face thrust out towards -him like a rock against which he feared to -strike.</p> - -<p>"I was not at home when she fell. It -happened this morning whilst I was at the -fountain, and when I got back I found her very -ill. She had fallen over the doorstep and blood -was flowing from her nose, but I think she was -more frightened than hurt. Then the blood -stopped, but she was very pale all day and -refused to eat. Then this evening her nose -began to bleed again, and not only that, but -she had a sort of convulsions, and when I left her -just now she was lying cold and stiff, with blood -still flowing. I am very nervous," added the -girl, taking the keys which Antiochus handed -to her and wrapping them in her apron, "and -we are only women in the house."</p> - -<p>She moved towards the door, but kept her -black eyes on Paul as though seeking to draw -him after her by the sheer power of her gaze, -and the woman seated behind the bar said in -her cold voice:</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[192]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Why does not your Reverence go and see -her?"</p> - -<p>He wrung his hands unconsciously and -stammered: "I hardly know ... it is too -late...."</p> - -<p>"Yes, come, come!" urged the servant. -"My little mistress will be very glad, and it will -give her courage to see you."</p> - -<p>"It is the devil speaking by your mouth," -thought Paul, but unconsciously he followed -the girl. He had gripped Antiochus by the -shoulder and was drawing him along as a -support, and the boy went with him like a plank -of safety upon the waves. So they crossed the -square and went as far as the presbytery, the -servant running on ahead, but turning every -few steps to look back at them, the whites of her -eyes gleaming in the moonlight. Seen thus at -night, the black figure with the dark and mask-like -face had truly something diabolical about it, -and Paul followed it with a vague sense of fear, -leaning on Antiochus's shoulder as he walked -and feeling like Tobit in his blindness.</p> - -<p>On passing the presbytery door the boy tried -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[193]</a></span> -to open it, and then Paul perceived that his -mother had locked it. He stopped short and -disengaged himself from his companion.</p> - -<p>"My mother has locked up because she knew -in advance that I should not keep my word," he -thought to himself; then said to the boy: -"Antiochus, you must go home at once."</p> - -<p>The servant had stopped also, then went on -a few steps, then stopped again and saw the -boy returning towards his own home and the -priest inserting his key in his door; then she -went back to him:</p> - -<p>"I am not coming," he said, turning almost -threateningly to confront her, and looking her -straight in the face as though trying to recognize -her true nature through her outward mask; -"if you should absolutely need me, you understand—only -if you do absolutely need me—you -can come back and fetch me."</p> - -<p>She went away without another word, and -he stood there before his own door, with his -hand on the key as though it had refused to turn -in the lock. He could not bring himself to -enter, it was beyond his power; neither could -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[194]</a></span> -he go forward in that other path he had begun -to tread. He felt as if he were doomed to -stand there for all eternity, before a closed door -of which he held the key.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Meanwhile Antiochus had reached home. -His mother locked the door and he went to wash -up the glasses and put them away; and the first -glass he washed in the clean water was the one -from which <em>he</em> had drunk. The boy dried it -very carefully with a white cloth, which he -passed round and round inside with his thumb; -then he held it up to the flame of the lamp and -examined it with one eye, keeping the other -screwed up, which had the effect of making the -glass shine like a big diamond. Then he hid -it away in a secret cupboard of his own with as -much reverence as if it had been the chalice of -the Mass.</p> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[195]</a></span></p> - -</div> - -<h2>Chapter 11</h2> - -<p>Paul had gone home too, and was feeling -his way upstairs in the dark: he dimly -remembered going up some stairs in the dark -like this when he was a boy, but he could not -remember where it had been. Now, as then, -he had the feeling that there was some danger -near him which he could only escape by strict -attention to what he was doing. He reached -the landing, he stood before his own door, he -was safe. But he hesitated an instant before -opening it, then crossed over and tapped lightly -with the knuckle of his forefinger at his mother's -door and entered without waiting for a reply.</p> - -<p>"It is I," he said brusquely; "don't light -the candle, I have something to tell you."</p> - -<p>He heard her turning round in her bed, the -straw mattress creaking under her: but he -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[196]</a></span> -could not see her, he did not want to see her; -their two souls must speak together in the darkness -as though they had already passed to the -world beyond.</p> - -<p>"Is it you, Paul? I was dreaming," she said -in a sleepy yet frightened voice; "I thought I -heard dancing, some one playing on the flute."</p> - -<p>"Mother, listen," he said, paying no attention -to her words. "That woman, Agnes, is -ill. She has been ill since this morning. She -had a fall; it seems she hurt her head and is -bleeding from her nose."</p> - -<p>"You don't mean it, Paul? Is she in -danger?"</p> - -<p>In the darkness her voice sounded alarmed, -yet at the same time incredulous. He went -on, repeating the breathless words of the -servant:</p> - -<p>"It happened this morning, after she got -the letter. All day long she was pale and -refused to eat, and this evening she grew worse -and fell into convulsions."</p> - -<p>He knew that he was exaggerating, and -stopped: his mother did not speak. For a -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[197]</a></span> -moment in the silence and the night there was -a deathlike tension, as though two enemies -were seeking each other in the darkness and -seeking in vain. Then the straw mattress -creaked again; his mother must have raised -herself to a sitting position in the high bed, -because her clear voice now seemed to come -from above.</p> - -<p>"Paul, who told you all this? Perhaps -it is not true."</p> - -<p>Again he felt that it was his conscience -speaking to him through her, but he answered -at once:</p> - -<p>"It may be true. But that is not the question, -mother. It is that I fear she may commit -some folly. She is alone in the hands of servants, -and I must see her."</p> - -<p>"Paul!"</p> - -<p>"I must," he repeated, raising his voice -almost to a shout; but it was himself he was -trying to convince, not his mother.</p> - -<p>"Paul, you promised!"</p> - -<p>"I know I promised, and for that very -reason I have come to tell you before I go. I -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[198]</a></span> -tell you that it is necessary that I should go -to her; my conscience bids me go."</p> - -<p>"Tell me one thing, Paul: are you sure -you saw the servant? Temptation plays evil -tricks on us and the devil has many disguises."</p> - -<p>He did not quite understand her.</p> - -<p>"You think I am telling a lie? I saw the -servant."</p> - -<p>"Listen—last night I saw the old priest, -and I thought I heard his footsteps again just -now. Last night," she went on in a low voice, -"he sat beside me before the fire. I actually -saw him, I tell you: he had not shaved, and -the few teeth he had left were black from too -much smoking. And he had holes in his -stockings. And he said, 'I am alive and I am -here, and very soon I shall turn you and your -son out of the presbytery.' And he said I -ought to have taught you your father's trade -if I did not wish you to fall into sin. He so -upset my mind, Paul, that I don't know whether -I have acted rightly or wrongly! But I am -absolutely sure that it was the devil sitting -beside me last night, the spirit of evil. The -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[199]</a></span> -servant you saw might have been temptation -in another shape."</p> - -<p>He smiled in the darkness. Nevertheless, -when he thought of the fantastic figure of the -servant running across the meadow, he felt a -vague sense of terror in spite of himself.</p> - -<p>"If you go there," continued his mother's -voice, "are you certain you will not fall -again? Even if you really saw the servant -and if that woman is really ill, are you sure -not to fall?"</p> - -<p>She broke off suddenly; she seemed to see -his pale face through the darkness, and she was -filled with pity for him. Why should she -forbid him to go to the woman? Supposing -Agnes really died of grief? Supposing Paul died -of grief? And she was as wracked with uncertainty -as he had been in the case of Antiochus.</p> - -<p>"Lord," she sighed; then she remembered -that she had already placed herself in the hands -of God, Who alone can solve all our difficulties. -She felt a sort of relief, as if she had really -settled the problem. And had she not settled -it by entrusting it in the hands of God?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[200]</a></span></p> - -<p>She lay back on her pillow and her voice -came again nearer to her son.</p> - -<p>"If your conscience bids you go, why did -you not go at once instead of coming in here?"</p> - -<p>"Because I promised. And you threatened -to leave me if I went back to that house. I -swore...." he said with infinite sadness. And -he longed to cry out, "Mother, force me to -keep my oath!" but the words would not -come. And then she spoke again:</p> - -<p>"Then go: do whatever your conscience -bids you."</p> - -<p>"Do not be anxious," he said, coming close -up to the bed; and he stood there motionless -for a few minutes and both were silent. He -had a confused impression that he was standing -before an altar with his mother lying upon it -like some mysterious idol, and he remembered -how, when he was a boy in the Seminary, he -was always obliged to go and kiss her hand after -he had been to confession. And something of -the same repugnance and the same exaltation -moved him now. He felt that if he had been -alone, without her, he would have gone back -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[201]</a></span> -to Agnes long since, worn out by that endless -day of flight and strife; but his mother held -him in check, and he did not know whether he -was grateful to her or not.</p> - -<p>"Do not be anxious!" Yet all the time -he longed and feared that she would say more -to him, or that she would light the lamp and, -looking into his eyes, read all his thoughts and -forbid him to go. But she said nothing. Then -the mattress creaked again as she stretched -herself in the bed.</p> - -<p>And he went out.</p> - -<p>He reflected that after all he was not a -scoundrel: he was not going with any bad -motive or moved by passion, but because he -honestly thought that there might be some -danger he could avert, and the responsibility -for this danger rested upon him. He recalled -the fantastic figure of the servant running -across the moonlit grass, and turning back to -look at him with bright eyes as she said:</p> - -<p>"My little mistress will take courage if only -you will come."</p> - -<p>And all his efforts to break away from her -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[202]</a></span> -appeared now base and stupid: his duty was -to have gone to her at once and given her -courage. And as he crossed the meadow, silvery -in the moonlight, he felt relieved, almost happy, -he was like a moth attracted by the light. And -he mistook the joy he felt at the prospect of -seeing Agnes again in a few moments for the -satisfaction of doing his duty in going to save -her. All the sweet scent of the grass, all the -tender radiance of the moon bathed and purified -his soul, and the healing dew fell upon it even -through his clothes of deathlike black.</p> - -<p>Agnes, little mistress! In truth, she was -little, weak as a child, and she was all alone, -without father or mother, living in that -labyrinth of stone, her dark house under the -ridge. And he had taken advantage of her, -had caught her in his hand like a bird from -the nest, gripping her till the blood seemed -driven from her body.</p> - -<p>He hurried on. No, he was not a bad man, -but as he reached the bottom of the steps that -led up to the door he stumbled, and it was -sharply borne in upon him that even the stones -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[203]</a></span> -of her threshold repulsed him. Then he -mounted softly, hesitatingly, raised the knocker -and let it fall. They were a long time coming -to answer the door, and he felt humiliated -standing there, but for nothing in the world -would he have knocked a second time. At -last the fanlight over the door was lit up and -the dark-faced maid let him in, showing him -at once into the room he knew so well.</p> - -<p>Everything was just as it had been on other -nights, when Agnes had admitted him secretly -by way of the orchard; the little door stood -ajar, and through the narrow opening he -could smell the fragrance of the bushes in the -night air. The glass eyes in the stuffed heads -of stags and deer on the walls shone in the -steady glow of the big lamp, as though taking -careful note of all that happened in the room. -Contrary to custom, the door leading to the -inner rooms stood wide open; the servant had -gone through there and the board flooring -could be heard creaking under her heavy step. -After a moment a door banged violently as -though blown by a gust of wind, making the -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[204]</a></span> -whole house shake, and he started involuntarily -when immediately afterwards he beheld Agnes -emerge from the darkness of the inner rooms, -with white face and distorted hair floating in -black wisps across it, like the phantom of a -drowned woman. Then the little figure came -forward into the lamplight and he almost -sobbed with relief.</p> - -<p>She closed the door behind her and leaned -against it with bowed head. She faltered as -though about to fall, and Paul ran to her, -holding out his hands, but not daring to touch -her.</p> - -<p>"How are you?" he asked in a low voice, as -he had asked at former meetings. But she did -not answer, only stood trembling all over her -body, her hands pressed against the door behind -her for support. "Agnes," he continued after -a moment's tense silence, "we must be brave."</p> - -<p>But as on that day when he had read the -Gospel words over the frenzied girl, he knew -that his voice rang false, and his eyes sought -the ground as Agnes raised hers, bewildered, -yes, but full of mingled scorn and joy.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[205]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Then why have you come?"</p> - -<p>"I heard that you were ill."</p> - -<p>She drew herself up proudly and pushed -back the hair from her face.</p> - -<p>"I am quite well and I did not send for -you."</p> - -<p>"I know that, but I came all the same—there -was no reason why I should not come. -I am glad to find that your maid exaggerated, -and that you are all right."</p> - -<p>"No," she repeated, interrupting him, "I -did not send for you and you ought not to -have come. But since you are here, since you -are here, I want to ask you—why you did it ... -why?—why?"</p> - -<p>Her words were broken by sobs and her hands -sought blindly for support, so that Paul was -afraid, and repented that he had come. He -took her hands and led her to the couch where -they had sat together on other evenings, placing -her in the corner where the weight of other -women of the family had worn a sort of niche, -and seated himself beside her, but he let go -her hands.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[206]</a></span></p> - -<p>He was afraid of touching her; she was like -a statue which he had broken and put together -again, and which sat there apparently whole -but ready to fall in pieces again at the slightest -movement. So he was afraid of touching her, -and he thought to himself:</p> - -<p>"It is better so, I shall be safe," but in his -heart he knew that at any moment he might be -lost again, and for that reason he was afraid of -touching her. Looking closely at her beneath -the lamplight, he perceived that she was -changed. Her mouth was half-open, her lips -discoloured and greyish like faded rose-leaves; -the oval of her face seemed to have grown -longer and her cheekbones stood out sharply -beneath eyes sunk deep in their livid sockets. -Grief had aged her by twenty years in a single -day, yet there was something childlike still in -the expression of her trembling lips, drawn -tightly over her teeth to check her weeping, -and in the little hands, one of which, lying -nerveless on the dark stuff of the couch, invited -his own towards it. And he was filled with -anger because he dared not take that little hand -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[207]</a></span> -in his and link up again the broken chain of -their two lives. He remembered the words of -the man possessed with a devil, "What have I -to do with Thee?" and he began to speak -again, clasping his hands together to prevent -himself taking one of hers. But still he heard -his voice ring false, and as on that morning in -church when he read the Gospel, and when he -carried the sacrament to the old hunter, he -knew himself to be lying.</p> - -<p>"Agnes, listen to me. Last night we were -both on the brink of destruction—God had -left us to ourselves and we were slipping over -the edge of the abyss. But now God has -taken us by the hand again and is guiding us. -We must not fall, Agnes, Agnes," and his voice -shook with emotion as he spoke her name. -"You think I don't suffer? I feel as if I were -buried alive and that my torments would last -through all eternity. But we must endure -for your good, for your salvation. Listen, -Agnes, be brave, for the sake of the love -which united us, for God's goodwill towards us -in putting us through this trial. You will -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[208]</a></span> -forget me. You will recover; you are young, -with all your life still before you. When you -think of me it will be like a bad dream, as -though you had lost your way in the valley -and met some evil creature who had tried to -do you harm; but God has saved you, as you -deserved to be saved. Everything looks black -at present, but it will clear up soon and you -will realize that I am only acting for your good -in causing you a little momentary pain now, -just as we are sometimes obliged to seem cruel -to those who are ill...."</p> - -<p>He stopped, the words froze in his throat.</p> - -<p>Agnes had roused herself and was sitting -upright in her corner, gazing at him with eyes -as glassy as those in the stags' heads on the -walls. They reminded him of the women's -eyes in church, fixed on him as he preached. -She waited for his words, patient and gentle -in every line of her fragile form, yet ready to -break down at a touch. Then speechless himself, -he heard her low voice as she shook her -head slowly:</p> - -<p>"No, no, that is not the truth," she said.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[209]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Then what is the truth?" he asked, bending -his troubled face towards her.</p> - -<p>"Why did you not speak like that last night? -And the other nights? Because it was a -different kind of truth then. Now somebody -has found you out, perhaps your mother herself, -and you are afraid of the world. It is not -the fear of God which is driving you away -from me!"</p> - -<p>He wanted to cry out, to strike her; he -seized her hand and twisted the slender wrist -as he would have liked to twist and stifle the -words she spoke. Then he drew himself up -stiffly.</p> - -<p>"What then? You think it does not matter? -Yes, my mother has discovered everything -and she talked to me like my conscience -itself. And have you no conscience? Do you -think it right that we should injure those who -depend on us? You wanted us to go away -and live together, and that would have been -the right thing to do if we had not been able -to overcome our love; but since there are -beings who would have been cut off from life -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[210]</a></span> -by our flight and our sin, we had to sacrifice -ourselves for them."</p> - -<p>But she seemed not to understand, caught -only one word, and shook her head as before.</p> - -<p>"Conscience? Of course I have a conscience, -I am no longer a child! And my -conscience tells me that I did wrong in listening -to you and letting you come here. What -is to be done? It is too late now; why did -not God make you see things clearly at first? -I did not go to your home, but you came to -mine and played with me as if I had been a -child's toy. And what must I do now? Tell -me that. I cannot forget you, I cannot change -as you change. I shall go away, even if you -will not come with me—I want to try and -forget you. I must go right away, or else...."</p> - -<p>"Or else?"</p> - -<p>Agnes did not reply; she leaned back in her -corner and shivered. Something ominous, like -the dark wing of madness, must have touched -her, for her eyes grew dim and she raised her -hand with an instinctive movement as though -to brush away a shadow from before her face. -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[211]</a></span> -He bent again towards her, stretching across -the couch and his fingers gripping and breaking -through the old material as though it were a -wall that rose between them and threatened to -stifle him.</p> - -<p>He could not speak. Yes, she was right; -the explanation he had been trying to make -her believe was not the truth—it was the truth -that was rising like a wall and stifling him, and -which he did not know how to break down. -And he sat up, battling with a real sense of -suffocation. Now it was she who caught his -hand and held it as though her fingers had -been grappling-hooks.</p> - -<p>"O God," she whispered, covering her -eyes with her free hand, "if there be a God, -He should not have let us meet each other if -we must part again. And you came to-night -because you love me still. You think I don't -know that? I do know, I do know, and that -is the truth!"</p> - -<p>She raised her face to his, her trembling lips, -her lashes wet with tears. And his eyes were -dazzled as by the glitter of deep waters, a -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[212]</a></span> -glitter that blinds and beckons, and the face -he gazed into was not the face of Agnes, nor -the face of any woman on this earth,—it -was the face of Love itself. And he fell forward -into her arms and kissed her upon the -mouth.</p> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[213]</a></span></p> - -</div> - -<h2>Chapter 12</h2> - -<p>The world had ceased for Paul. He felt -himself sinking slowly, swept down by a -whirlpool through luminous depths to some -dazzling iridescent place beneath the sea. Then -he came to himself again and drew his lips -away from hers, and found himself, like a ship-wrecked -man upon the sand, safe though -maimed, and shaking with fear and joy, but -more with fear than joy. And the enchantment -that he thought had been broken for ever, and -for this very reason had seemed more beautiful -and dear, wove its spell over him afresh -and held him again in thrall. And again he -heard the whisper of her voice:</p> - -<p>"I knew you would come back to me...."</p> - -<p>He wanted to hear no more, just as he had -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[214]</a></span> -tried not to hear the servant's tale in the house -of Antiochus. He put his hand over Agnes's -mouth as she leaned her head upon his shoulder -and then gently caressed her hair, on which -the lamplight threw golden gleams. She was -so small, so helpless in his grasp, and therein -lay her terrible power to drag him down to the -bottom of the sea, to raise him to the highest -heights of heaven, to make of him a thing -without will or desire of his own. Whilst he -had fled through the valleys and the hills she -had remained shut up within her prison-house, -waiting in the certainty that he would come -back to her, and he came.</p> - -<p>"You know, you know...." She tried to -tell him more; her soft breath touched his -neck like a caress, he placed his hand on her -mouth again and with her own she pressed it -close. And so they remained in silence for a -while; then he pulled himself together and -tried to regain the mastery over his fate. He -had come back to her, yes, but not the same -man she had expected. And his gaze still -rested on her gleaming hair, but as on something -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[215]</a></span> -far away, as on the bright sparkle of the -sea from which he had escaped.</p> - -<p>"Now you are happy," he whispered. "I -am here, I have come back and I am yours for -life. But you must be calm, you have given -me a great fright. You must not excite yourself, -nor wander on any account from the -straight path of your life. I shall cause you -no more trouble, but you must promise me to -be calm and good, as you are now."</p> - -<p>He felt her hands tremble and struggle -between his own; he divined that she was -already beginning to rebel and he held them -tightly, as he would have liked to hold her soul -imprisoned.</p> - -<p>"Dear Agnes, listen! You will never know -all I have suffered to-day, but it was necessary. -I stripped off all the outward shell of me, all -that was impure, and I scourged myself until I -bled. But now here I am, yours, yours, but -as God wills that I should be yours, in spirit.... -You see," he went on, speaking slowly -and laboriously, as though dragging his words -up painfully from his inmost depths and offering -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[216]</a></span> -them to her, "it seems to me that we -have loved each other for years and years, that -we have rejoiced and suffered the one for the -other, even unto hatred, even unto death. And -all the tempests of the sea and all its implacable -life are within us. Agnes, soul of my soul, what -wouldst thou have of me greater than that -which I can give thee, my soul itself?"</p> - -<p>He stopped short. He felt that she did not -understand, she could not understand. And -he beheld her ever more detached from him, -as life from death; but for this very reason he -loved her still, yea, more than ever, as one -loves life that is dying.</p> - -<p>She slowly raised her head from his shoulder -and looked him in the face with eyes grown -hostile again.</p> - -<p>"Now you listen to me," she said, "and tell -me no more lies. Are we or are we not going -away together as we settled last night? We -cannot go on living here, in this way. That is -certain!... That is certain!" she repeated -with rising anger, after a moment of painful -silence. "If we are to live together we must -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[217]</a></span> -go away at once, this very night. I have -money, you know, it is my own. And your -mother and my brothers and every one else -will excuse us afterwards when they see that -we only wanted to live according to the truth. -We cannot go on living like this, no, we cannot!"</p> - -<p>"Agnes!"</p> - -<p>"Answer me quick! Yes or no?"</p> - -<p>"I cannot go away with you."</p> - -<p>"Ah—then why have you come back?... -Leave me! Get away, leave me!"</p> - -<p>He did not leave her. He felt her whole -body shaking and he was afraid of her; and -as she bowed herself over their united hands -he expected to feel her teeth fasten in his -flesh.</p> - -<p>"Go, go!" she insisted, "I did not send -for you! Since we must be brave, why did -you come back? Why have you kissed me -again? Ah, if you think you can play with -me like this you are mistaken! If you think -you can come here at night and write me -humiliating letters in the day you are mistaken -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[218]</a></span> -again! You came back to-night and you will -come back to-morrow night and every night -after that, until at last you drive me mad. But -I won't have it, I won't have it!"</p> - -<p>"We must be pure and brave, you say," she -continued, and her face, grown old and tragic, -became now pale as death; "but you never -said that before to-night. You fill me with -horror! Go away, far away, and go at once, -so that to-morrow I can wake up without the -terror of expecting you and being humiliated -like this again."</p> - -<p>"O God, O God!" he groaned, bending over -her, but she repulsed him sharply.</p> - -<p>"Do you think you are speaking to a child?" -she burst out now: "I am old, and it is you -who have made me grow old in a few hours. -The straight path of life! Oh, yes, it would -be going straight if we continued this secret -intrigue, wouldn't it? I should find myself -a husband and you should marry me to him, -and then we could go on seeing each other, you -and I, and deceiving every one for the rest -of our lives. Oh, you don't know me if that -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[219]</a></span> -is your idea! Last night you said, 'Let us go -away, we will get married and I will work.' -Didn't you say that? Didn't you? But -to-night you come and talk to me instead -about God and sacrifice. So now there is an -end of it all: we will part. But you, I say it -again, you must leave the village this very -night, I never wish to see you again. If to-morrow -morning you go once more into our -church to say Mass I shall go there too, and -from the altar steps I shall say to the people: -'This is your saint, who works miracles by day -and by night goes to unprotected girls to -seduce them!'"</p> - -<p>He tried in vain to shut her mouth with his -hand, and as she kept on crying aloud, "Go, -go!" he seized her head and pressed it to his -breast, glancing with alarm at the closed doors. -And he remembered his mother's words and -her voice, mysterious in the darkness: "The -old priest sat beside me and said, I will soon -turn both you and your son out of the -parish."</p> - -<p>"Agnes, Agnes, you are mad!" he groaned, -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[220]</a></span> -his lips close to her ear, whilst she struggled -fiercely to escape from him: "Be calm, listen -to me. Nothing is lost; don't you feel how I -love you? A thousand times more than before! -And I am not going away, I am going to stay -near you, to save you, to offer up my soul to -you as I shall offer it up to God in the hour of -death. How can you know all that I have -suffered between last night and now? I fled -and I bore you with me: I fled like one who is -on fire and who thinks by fleeing to escape the -flames which only envelop him the more. -Where have I not been to-day, what have I -not done to keep myself from coming back to -you? Yet here I am, Agnes, and how could -I not be here?... Do you hear me? I shall -not betray you, I shall not forget you, I do not -wish to forget you! But, Agnes, we must keep -ourselves unsoiled, we must keep our love for -all eternity, we must unite it with all that is -best in life, with renunciation, with death -itself, that is to say, with God. Do you understand, -Agnes? Yes, tell me that you -understand!"</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[221]</a></span></p> - -<p>She fought him back, as though she wanted -to break in his breast with her head, till at last -she freed herself from his embrace and sat -rigid and upright, her beautiful hair twisted -like ribbons round her stony face. With tight-shut -lips and closed eyes, she seemed to have -suddenly fallen into a deep sleep, wherein she -dreamed of vengeance. And he was more -afraid of her silence and immobility than -of her frenzied words and excited gestures. -He took her hands again in his, but now all -four hands were dead to joy and to the clasp -of love.</p> - -<p>"Agnes, can't you see that I am right? -Come, be good; go to bed now and to-morrow -a new life will begin for us all. We shall see -each other just the same, always supposing you -desire it: I will be your friend, your brother, -and we shall be a mutual help and support. -My life is yours, dispose of me as you wish. I -shall be with you till the hour of death, and -beyond death, for all eternity."</p> - -<p>This tone of prayer irritated her afresh. -She twisted her hands slightly within his and -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[222]</a></span> -opened her lips to speak. Then, as he -set her free, she folded her hands in her -lap and bowed her head and her face took -on an expression of the deepest grief, but -now a grief that was desperate and determined.</p> - -<p>He continued to gaze steadfastly at her, as -one gazes at the dying, and his fear increased. -He slid to his knees before her, he laid his head -in her lap and kissed her hands; he cared nothing -now if he were seen or heard, he knelt there -at the feet of the woman and her sorrow as at -the feet of the Mother of Sorrows herself. -Never before had he felt so pure of evil thought, -so dead to this earthly life; and yet he was -afraid.</p> - -<p>Agnes sat motionless, with icy hands, insensible -to those kisses of death. Then he got up -and began to speak lies again.</p> - -<p>"Thank you, Agnes—that is right and I am -very pleased. The trial has been won and you -can rest in peace. I am going now, and to-morrow," -he added in a whisper, bending -nervously towards her, "to-morrow morning -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[223]</a></span> -you will come to Mass and together we will -offer our sacrifice to God."</p> - -<p>She opened her eyes and looked at him, then -closed them again. She was as one wounded -to death, whose eyes had opened wide with a -last menace and appeal before they closed for -ever.</p> - -<p>"You will go away to-night, quite away, -so that I shall never see you again," she -said, pronouncing each word distinctly and -decisively, and he realized that for the moment -at least it was useless to oppose that blind -force.</p> - -<p>"I cannot go like that," he murmured: "I -must say Mass to-morrow morning and you will -come and hear it, and afterwards I will go -away, if necessary."</p> - -<p>"Then I shall come to-morrow morning and -denounce you before all the congregation."</p> - -<p>"If you do that it will be a sign that it is -God's will. But you won't do it, Agnes! -You may hate me, but I leave you in peace. -Good-bye."</p> - -<p>Even yet he did not go. He stood quite -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[224]</a></span> -still, looking down at her, at her soft and -gleaming hair, the sweet hair he loved and -through which so often his hands had strayed, -and it awoke in him an infinite pity, for it -seemed like the black bandage round a wounded -head.</p> - -<p>For the last time he called her by her -name:</p> - -<p>"Agnes! Is it possible that we can part -like this?... Come," he added after a -moment, "give me your hand, get up and open -the door for me."</p> - -<p>She got up obediently, but she did not give -him her hand; she went direct to the door -through which she had entered the room, and -there she stood still, waiting.</p> - -<p>"What can I do?" he asked himself. And -he knew very well that there was only one -thing he could do to appease her: to fall at -her feet again, to sin and be lost with her for -ever.</p> - -<p>And that he would not do, never never more. -He remained firm, there where he stood, and -lowered his eyes that he might not meet her -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[225]</a></span> -look, and when he raised them again she was -no longer there; she had disappeared, swallowed -up in the darkness of her silent house.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The glass eyes of the stags' and deer's heads -upon the walls looked down at him with mingled -sadness and derision. And in that moment of -suspense, alone in the big melancholy room, he -realized the whole immensity of his wretchedness -and his humiliation. He felt himself a -thief, and worse than a thief, a guest who takes -advantage of the solitude of the house that -shelters him to rob it basely. He averted his -eyes, for he could not meet even the glassy -stare of the heads upon the wall: but he did -not waver in his purpose for one moment, and -even if the death-cry of the woman had suddenly -filled the house with horror, he would -not have repented having rejected her.</p> - -<p>He waited a few minutes longer, but nobody -appeared. He had a confused idea that he was -standing in the middle of a dead world of all -his dreams and his mistakes, waiting till some -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[226]</a></span> -one came and helped him to get away. But -nobody came. So at last he pushed open the -door that led into the orchard, traversed the -path that ran beside the wall and went out -by the little gate he knew so well.</p> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[227]</a></span></p> - -</div> - -<h2>Chapter 13</h2> - -<p>Once more Paul found himself ascending -his own staircase; but now the danger -was past, or at least the fear of danger.</p> - -<p>Nevertheless he halted before his mother's -door, deeming that it would be advisable to tell -her the result of his interview with Agnes and of -her threat to denounce him. But he heard the -sound of regular breathing and passed on; his -mother had quietly fallen asleep, for henceforth -she was sure of him and felt that he was safe.</p> - -<p>Safe! He looked round his room as though -he had just returned from a long and disastrous -journey. Everything was peaceful and tidy, -and he moved about on tiptoe as he began to -undress, for the sake of not disturbing that -orderliness and silence. His clothes hanging -from their hooks, blacker than their shadows on -the wall, his hat above them, stuck forward -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[228]</a></span> -on a wooden peg, the sleeves of his cassock -falling limply as though tired out, all had the -vague appearance of some dark and empty -phantom, some fleshless and bloodless vampire -that inspired a nameless dread. It was like the -shadow of that sin from which he had cut himself -free, but which was waiting to follow him -again to-morrow on his way through the world.</p> - -<p>An instant more, and he perceived with -terror that the nightmare obsessed him still. -He was not safe yet, there was another night -to be got through, as the voyager crosses a last -stretch of turbulent sea. He was very weary -and his heavy eyelids drooped with fatigue, but -an intolerable anxiety prevented him from -throwing himself on his bed, or even sitting -down on a chair or resting in any way whatever; -he wandered here and there, doing small, -unusual, useless things, softly opening drawer -after drawer and inspecting what there was -inside.</p> - -<p>As he passed before the mirror he looked at -his own reflection and beheld himself grey of -face, with purple lips and hollow eyes. "Look -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[229]</a></span> -well at yourself, Paul," he said to his image, -and he stepped back a little so that the lamplight -might fall better on the glass. The figure -in the mirror stepped back also, as though seeking -to escape him, and as he stared into its -eyes and noted the dilated pupils he had a -strange impression that the real Paul was the -one in the glass, a Paul who never lied and who -betrayed by the pallor of his face all his awful -fear of the morrow.</p> - -<p>"Why do I pretend even to myself a security -which I do not feel?" was his silent question. -"I must go away this very night as she bade -me."</p> - -<p>And somewhat calmer for the resolve he -threw himself on his bed. And thus, with -closed eyes and face pressed into the pillow, -he believed he could search more deeply into -his conscience.</p> - -<p>"Yes, I must leave to-night. Christ himself -commands us to avoid creating scandals. I -had better wake my mother and tell her, and -perhaps we can leave together; she can take -me away with her again as she did when I was -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[230]</a></span> -a child and I can begin a new life in another -place."</p> - -<p>But he felt that all this was mere exaltation -and that he had not the courage to do as he -proposed. And why should he? He really felt -quite sure that Agnes would not carry out her -threat, so why should he go away? He was not -even confronted with the danger of going back -to her and falling into sin again, for he had -now been tried and had overcome temptation.</p> - -<p>But the exaltation took hold of him again.</p> - -<p>"Nevertheless, Paul, you will have to go. -Awaken your mother and depart together. -Don't you know who it is speaking to you? It -is I, Agnes. You really believe that I shall not -carry out my threat? Perhaps I shall not, -but I advise you to go, all the same. You think -you have got rid of me? And yet I am within -you, I am the evil genius of your life. If you -remain here I shall never leave you alone for -one single instant; I shall be the shadow -beneath your feet, the barrier between you -and your mother, between you and your own -self. Go."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[231]</a></span></p> - -<p>Then he tried to pacify her, in order to -pacify his own conscience.</p> - -<p>"Yes, I am going, I tell you! I am going—we -will go together, you within me, more alive -than I myself. Be content, torment me no -more! We are together, journeying together, -borne on the wings of time towards eternity. -Divided and distant we were when our eyes -first met and our lips kissed; divided were we -then and enemies; only now begins our real -union, in thy hatred, in my patience, in my -renunciation."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Then weariness slowly overcame him. He -heard a subdued, continuous moaning outside -his window, like a dove seeking her mate: and -that mournful cry was like the lament of the -night itself, a night pale with moonlight, a -soft, veiled light, with the sky all flecked with -little white clouds like feathers. Then he -became aware that it was he himself who was -moaning; but sleep was already stealing over -him, calming his senses, and fear and sorrow -and remembrance faded away. He dreamed -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[232]</a></span> -he was really on a journey, riding up the mountain -paths towards the plateau. Everything -was peaceful and clear; between the big yellow -elder trees he could see stretches of grass, of a -soft green that gave rest to the eyes, and -motionless upon the rocks the eagles blinked -at the sun.</p> - -<p>Suddenly the keeper stood before him, saluted, -and placed an open book on his saddle-bow. -And he began to read St. Paul's Epistle to the -Corinthians, taking it up at the precise point -where he had left off the previous night: -"The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise -and that they are vain."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>On Sundays Mass was later than on other -days, but Paul always went early to the church -to hear the confessions of those women who -wished to attend Communion later. So his -mother called him at the usual time.</p> - -<p>He had slept for some hours, a heavy dreamless -sleep, and when he woke his memory was -a complete blank, he only had a supreme desire -to go to sleep again immediately. But the -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[233]</a></span> -knocks on his door persisted, and then he -remembered. Instantly he was on his feet, -numb with dread.</p> - -<p>"Agnes will come to church and denounce -me before all the people," was his one thought.</p> - -<p>He did not know why, but somehow whilst -he slept the certainty that she would carry -out her threat had taken firm root in his -consciousness.</p> - -<p>He dropped down in his chair with trembling -knees and a sense of complete helplessness. -His mind was clouded and confused: he -wondered vaguely if it would not be possible -even now to avert the scandal—he might -feign illness and not say Mass at all, and thus -gain time in which he might endeavour to -pacify Agnes. But the very idea of beginning -the whole thing over again, of suffering a -second time all his misery of the previous -day, only increased his mental torment.</p> - -<p>He got up, and his head seemed to hit the -sky through the glass of his window, and he -stamped his feet on the floor to dispel the -numbness that was paralysing his very blood. -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[234]</a></span> -Then he dressed, drawing his leather belt -tightly round his waist and folding his mantle -round him as he had seen the hunters buckle -on their cartridge-belts and wrap themselves -up in their cloaks before starting out for the -mountains. When at last he flung open his -window and leaned out he felt that only -then were his eyes awaking to the light of -day after the nightmare of the dark hours, -only then had he escaped from the prison of -his own self to make his peace with external -things. But it was a forced peace, full of -secret rancour, and it sufficed for him to draw -in his head from the cool fresh air outside -to the warm and perfumed atmosphere of -his room for him to fall back into himself, a -prey again to his gnawing dread.</p> - -<p>So he fled downstairs, wondering what he -had better tell his mother.</p> - -<p>He heard her somewhat harsh voice driving -off the chickens who were trying to invade -the dining-room, and the fluttering of their -wings as they scattered before her, and he -smelt the fragrance of hot coffee and the -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[235]</a></span> -clean sweet scents from the garden. In the -lane under the ridge there was a tinkle of -bells as the goats were driven to their pasture, -little bells that sounded like childish echoes of -the cheerful if monotonous chime wherewith -Antiochus, up in the church tower, summoned -the people to wake from sleep and come to -hear Mass.</p> - -<p>Everything around was sweet and peaceful, -bathed in the rosy light of early morning. -And Paul remembered his dream.</p> - -<p>There was nothing to hinder him from -going out, from going to church and taking up -his ordinary life again. Yet all his fear returned -upon him; he was afraid alike of going forward -or of turning back. As he stood on the step -of the open door he felt as if he were on the -summit of some precipitous mountain, it was -impossible to get any higher and below him -yawned the abyss. So he stood there for -unspeakable moments, during which his heart -beat furiously and he had the physical sensation -of falling, of struggling at the bottom of a -gulf, in a swirl of foaming waters, a wheel that -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[236]</a></span> -turned helplessly, vainly beating the stream -that swept on its relentless course.</p> - -<p>It was his own heart that turned and turned -helplessly in the whirlpool of life. He closed -the door and went back into the house, and -sat down on the stairs as his mother had done -the previous night. He gave up trying to solve -the problem that tortured him and simply -waited for some one to come and help him.</p> - -<p>And there his mother found him. When he -saw her he got up immediately, feeling somehow -comforted at once, yet humiliated, too, -in the very depths of his being, so sure was he -of the advice she would give him to proceed -upon his chosen way.</p> - -<p>But at the first sight of him her worn face -grew pale, as though refined through grief.</p> - -<p>"Paul!" she cried, "what are you doing -there? Are you ill?"</p> - -<p>"Mother," he said, walking to the front -door without turning into the dining-room, -"I did not want to wake you last night, it -was so late. Well, I went to see her. I went -to see her...."</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[237]</a></span></p> - -<p>His mother had already recovered her composure -and stood looking fixedly at him. In -the brief silence that followed his words they -could hear the church bell ringing quickly and -insistently as though it were right over the -house.</p> - -<p>"She is quite well," continued Paul, "but -she is very excited and insists that I shall -leave the place at once: otherwise she threatens -to come to church and create a scandal by -denouncing me before the congregation."</p> - -<p>His mother kept silence, but he felt her -at his side, stern and steadfast, upholding him, -supporting him as she had supported his -earliest steps.</p> - -<p>"She wanted me to go away this very night. -And she said that ... if I did not go, she -would come to church this morning.... I -am not afraid of her: besides, I don't believe -she will come."</p> - -<p>He opened the front door and a flood of -golden light poured into the dark little passage, -as though trying to entice him and his mother -out into the sunshine. Paul walked towards -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[238]</a></span> -the church without turning round, and his -mother stood at the door looking after him.</p> - -<p>She had not opened her lips, but a slight -trembling seized her again, and only with an -effort could she maintain her outward composure. -All at once she went up to her -bedroom and hurriedly dressed for church: -she was going too, and she, too, drew in her -belt and walked with firm steps. And before -she left the house she remembered to drive -out the intruding chickens again, and to draw -the coffee-pot to the side of the fire; then -she twisted the long end of her scarf over her -mouth and chin to hide the obstinate trembling -that would persist in spite of all her efforts -to overcome it.</p> - -<p>So it was only with a glance of the eyes that -she could return the greetings of the women -who were coming up from the village, and -of the old men already seated on the low parapet -round the square before the church, their -black pointed caps standing out in sharp relief -against the background of rosy morning sky.</p> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[239]</a></span></p> - -</div> - -<h2>Chapter 14</h2> - -<p>Meanwhile Paul had gone into the -church.</p> - -<p>A few eager penitents were waiting for him, -gathered round the confessional; the woman -who had arrived first was already kneeling at -the little grating, whilst the others waited -their turn in the benches close by.</p> - -<p>Nina Masia was kneeling on the floor under -the holy-water stoup, which looked as though -it were resting on her wicked little head, while -several boys who were early astir were gathered -in a circle round her. Hurrying in with his -thoughts elsewhere the priest knocked up -against them, and his anger rose instantly as -he recognized the girl, who had been placed -there by her mother on purpose that she might -attract attention. She seemed to be always -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[240]</a></span> -in his way, at once a hindrance and a reproach.</p> - -<p>"Clear out of this instantly!" he bade -them, in a voice so loud that it was heard all -over the church; and immediately the circle -of boys spread itself out and moved a little -farther off, with Nina still in the middle, but -they grouped themselves round her in such a -way that she could be seen by every one. The -women all turned their heads to look at her, -though without interrupting their prayers for -an instant: she really looked as if she were -the idol of the barbaric little church, redolent -of the smell of the fields brought in by the -peasants and flooded with the rosy haze of a -country morning.</p> - -<p>Paul walked straight up the nave, but his -secret anguish grew ever greater. As he -passed, his cassock brushed against the seat -where Agnes usually sat; it was the old family -pew, the kneeling-stool in front of it richly -carved, and with his eyes and measured paces -he calculated the distance between it and the -altar.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[241]</a></span></p> - -<p>"If I watch for the moment when she rises -to carry out her fatal threat I shall have time -to get into the sacristy," was his conclusion, -and he shivered now as he entered.</p> - -<p>Antiochus had hurried down from the belfry -to help Paul robe himself, and was waiting for -him beside the open cupboard where his -vestments hung. He had a pale and serious, -almost tragic air, as though already over-shadowed -by the future career which had been -settled for him the previous evening. But the -gravity was transient and a smile flickered -over the boy's face, just fresh from the windswept -belfry; his eyes sparkled with joy beneath -their decorously lowered lids, and he had to -bite his lips to check the ready laugh; his -young heart responded to all the radiance, the -inspirations, the joyousness of that festal -morning. Then his eyes clouded suddenly -as he was arranging the lace of the alb over -the priest's wrist and he shot a quick look at -his master, for he had perceived that the hand -beneath the lace was trembling and he saw that -the beloved face was pallid and distraught.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[242]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Do you feel ill, sir?"</p> - -<p>Paul did feel ill, although he shook his head -in denial. He felt as though his mouth were -full of blood, yet a tiny germ of hope was -springing up in the midst of his distress.</p> - -<p>"I shall fall down dead, my heart will break; -and then, at least, there will be an end of -everything."</p> - -<p>He went down into the church again to hear -the confessions of the women, and saw his -mother at the bottom of the nave near the -door. Stern and motionless she knelt there, -keeping watch over all who entered the church, -over the whole church itself, ready, apparently, -to support and hold it up were it even to -collapse upon her head.</p> - -<p>But he had no more courage left: only -that tiny germ of hope within his heart, the -hope of death, grew and grew till the breath -in him stifled and failed.</p> - -<p>When he was seated inside the confessional -he felt somewhat calmer; it was like being -in a grave, but at least he was hidden from -view and could look his horror in the face. -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[243]</a></span> -The subdued whispering of the women behind -the gratings, broken by their little sighs and -their warm breath, was like the rustling of -lizards in the long grass on the ridge. And -Agnes was there too, safe in the secret retreat -where he had so often taken her in his thoughts. -And the soft breathing of the young women, -the scent of their hair and their gala dress, -all perfumed with lavender, mingled with his -distress and further inflamed his passion.</p> - -<p>And he gave them all absolution, absolved -them from all their sins, thinking that perhaps -before many days had passed he himself would -be a suppliant to them for their compassion.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Then he was seized with the craving to -get out, to see whether Agnes had arrived. -But her seat was empty.</p> - -<p>Perhaps she was not coming after all. Yet -sometimes she remained at the bottom of -the church, kneeling on a chair which her -servant brought for her. He turned to look, -but saw only his mother's rigid figure, and as -he knelt before the altar and began the Mass, -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[244]</a></span> -he felt that her soul was bending before God, -clothed in her grief as he was clothed in his -alb and stole.</p> - -<p>Then he determined not to look behind -him again, to close his eyes each time he had -to turn round to give the blessing. He felt -as if he were climbing ever higher up some -steep and stony Calvary, and a sensation of -giddiness seized him whenever the ritual -obliged him to face the congregation. Then -he closed his eyes to shut out the sight of the -abyss that yawned at his feet; but even through -his closed eyelids he saw the carven bench and -the figure of Agnes, her black dress standing -out in relief against the grey wall of the church.</p> - -<p>And Agnes was really there, dressed in black -with a black veil round her ivory-white face; -her eyes were fixed on her prayer-book, the -gilt clasp of which glittered in her black-gloved -hands, but she never turned a page. The -servant with the head of a slave was kneeling -on the floor of the aisle beside the bench, -and every now and then she raised her eyes, -like a faithful dog, to her mistress's face, as -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[245]</a></span> -though in silent sympathy with the sad thoughts -that possessed her.</p> - -<p>And he beheld everything from his place -at the altar and hope died within him; only -from the bottom of his heart he told himself -it was impossible that Agnes would carry out -her insane threat. He turned the pages of -the Gospel, but his faltering voice could -scarcely pronounce the words; he broke into a -sweat of apprehension, and caught hold of the -book as he felt himself fainting.</p> - -<p>In a moment he pulled himself together. -Antiochus was looking at him, watching the -awful change that came over his face as over -the face of a corpse, keeping close beside him -to support him if he fell, and glancing at the -old men by the altar rails to see if they had -noticed the priest's distress. But nobody -noticed it—even his mother remained in her -place, praying and waiting without seeing -anything amiss with her son. Then Antiochus -drew still closer to him with a protecting -movement, so that Paul looked round startled, -but the boy gave him a reassuring glance -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[246]</a></span> -out of his bright eyes, as much as to say:</p> - -<p>"I am here, it's all right, go on——"</p> - -<p>And he went on, climbing that steep Calvary -till the blood flowed back into his heart and -the tension of his nerves relaxed. But it was -the relaxation of despair, the abandonment to -danger, the quiet of the drowning man who -has no more strength to battle with the waves. -When he turned again to the congregation he -did not close his eyes.</p> - -<p>"The Lord be with you."</p> - -<p>Agnes was there in her place, bent over -the page she never turned, the gilt clasp of -the book shining in the dim light. The servant -was crouching at her feet and all the -other women, including his mother at the -bottom of the church, were sitting back on -their heels on the bare floor, ready to resume -their kneeling position immediately the priest -should move the book.</p> - -<p>And he moved the book and went on with -the prayers and the slow gestures of the ritual. -And a feeling of tenderness crept into his -despair at the thought that Agnes was bearing -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[247]</a></span> -him company on his road to Calvary, as Mary -had followed too, that in another moment -she would mount the altar steps and stand -beside him once again, having overcome their -transgression, to expiate together as together -they had sinned. How could he hate her if -she brought his punishment with her, if her -hatred was only love disguised?</p> - -<p>Then came the Communion, and the few -drops of wine went down into his breast like -quickening blood; he felt strong, revived, his -heart filled with the presence of God.</p> - -<p>And as he descended the steps towards the -women the figure of Agnes in her seat stood -out prominent amidst the crowd of bowed -heads. She, too, had bowed her head upon -her hands; perhaps she was summoning her -courage before she moved. And suddenly he -felt infinite pity for her; he would have liked -to go down to her and give her absolution, -and administer the Communion as to a dying -woman. He, too, had summoned his courage, -but his hands shook as he held the wafer to -the women's lips.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[248]</a></span></p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Immediately the Communion was ended -an old peasant began to intone a hymn. The -congregation sang the verses after him in -subdued voices, and repeated the antiphons -twice out loud. The hymn was primitive and -monotonous, old as the earliest prayers of man -uttered in forests where as yet scarcely man -dwelt, old and monotonous as the breaking -of waves on a solitary shore; yet that low -singing around her sufficed to bring Agnes's -thoughts back, as though she had been rushing -breathless by night through some primeval -forest and had suddenly emerged upon the -seashore, amidst sandhills covered with sweet -flowers and golden in the light of dawn.</p> - -<p>Something stirred in the very depths of -her being, a strange emotion gripped her throat; -she felt the world turning round with her as -though she had been walking head downwards -and now resumed her natural position.</p> - -<p>It was her past and the past of all her race -that surged up and took hold of her, with the -singing of the women and the old men, with -the voices of her nurse and her servants, the -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[249]</a></span> -men and women who had built and furnished -her house, and ploughed her fields and woven -the linen for her swaddling clothes.</p> - -<p>How could she denounce herself before all -these people who looked up to her as their -mistress and held her even purer than the -priest at the altar? And then she, too, felt -the presence of God around her and within -her, even in her passion itself.</p> - -<p>She knew very well that the punishment she -meant to inflict upon the man with whom she -had sinned was her own punishment too; -but now a merciful God spoke to her with the -voices of the old men and women and the -innocent children, and bade her beware of her -own self, counselled her to seek salvation.</p> - -<p>As her people round her sang the verses -of the hymn, all the days of her solitary life -unrolled themselves before her inward vision. -She saw herself again a little child, then a -young girl, then a grown woman in this same -church, on this same seat blackened and worn -by the elbows and knees of her forefathers. -In a sense the church belonged to her family; -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[250]</a></span> -it had been built by one of her ancestors, and -tradition said that the image of the Madonna -had been captured from Barbary pirates and -brought back to the village by a far-away -grandfather of hers.</p> - -<p>She had been born and brought up amidst -these traditions, in an atmosphere of simple -grandeur that kept her aloof from the smaller -people of Aar, yet still in the midst of them, -shut in amongst them like a pearl in its rough -shell.</p> - -<p>How could she denounce herself before her -people? But this very feeling of being mistress -even of the sacred building rendered -more insufferable still the presence of the man -who had been her companion in sin, and who -appeared at the altar wearing a mask of saintliness -and bearing the holy vessels in his hands—tall -and splendid he stood above her as she -knelt at his feet, guilty in that she had loved -him.</p> - -<p>Her heart swelled anew with rage and grief -as the hymn rose and fell around her, like a -supplication rising from out some abyss, imploring -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[251]</a></span> -help and justice, and she heard the voice -of God, dark and stern, bidding her drive His -unworthy servant out of His temple.</p> - -<p>She grew pale as death and broke into a cold -sweat; her knees shook against the seat, but -she bowed no more and with head erect she -watched the movements of the priest at the -altar. And it was as though some evil breath -went out from her to him, paralysing him, -enveloping him in the same icy grip that held -her fast.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>And he felt that mortal breath that emanated -from her will, and just as on bitter winter -mornings, his fingers were frozen and uncontrollable -shivers ran down his spine. When -he turned to give the benediction he saw Agnes -gazing at him. Their eyes met as in a flash, -and like a drowning man he remembered in -that instant all the joy of his life, joy sprung -wholly and solely from love of her, from the -first look of her eyes, the first kiss of her lips.</p> - -<p>Then he saw her rise from her seat, book in -hand.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[252]</a></span></p> - -<p>"Oh God, Thy will be done," he stammered, -kneeling—and he seemed to be actually in the -Garden of Olives, watching the shadow of an -inexorable fate.</p> - -<p>He prayed aloud and waited, and midst the -confused sound of the people's prayers he -thought he could distinguish Agnes's step as -she moved toward the altar.</p> - -<p>"She is coming—she has left her seat, she -is between her seat and the altar. She is -coming ... she is here—every one is staring -at her. She is at my side!"</p> - -<p>The obsession was so strong that the words -failed on his lips. He saw Antiochus, who -had already begun to extinguish the candles, -suddenly turn and look round, and he knew -for certain that she was there, close to him, on -the chancel steps.</p> - -<p>He rose to his feet, the roof seemed to fall -down upon his head and fracture it; his knees -scarcely upheld him, but with a sudden effort -he managed to get up to the altar again and -take the pyx. And as he turned to enter the -sacristy he saw that Agnes had advanced from -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[253]</a></span> -her seat to the railing and was about to mount -the steps.</p> - -<p>"Oh, Lord, why not let me die?" and he -bowed his head over the pyx as though baring -his neck to the sword that was about to strike -it. But as he entered the sacristy door he -looked again and perceived Agnes bowed -at the altar railing as she knelt on the lowest -step.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>She had stumbled at the lowest step outside -the railing, and as though a wall had suddenly -risen up before her, she had dropped on her -knees. A thick mist dimmed her sight and -she could go no further.</p> - -<p>Presently the dimness cleared and she could -see the steps again, the yellow carpet before -the altar, the flowers upon the table and the -burning lamp. But the priest had disappeared, -and in his place a ray of sunlight smote obliquely -through the dusk and made a golden patch upon -the carpet.</p> - -<p>She crossed herself, rose to her feet and -moved towards the door. The servant followed -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[254]</a></span> -her and the old men, the women and the children -turned to smile at her and bless her with -their eyes; she was their mistress, their symbol -of beauty and of faith, so far removed from -them and yet in the midst of them and all -their misery, like a wild rose amongst the -brambles.</p> - -<p>At the church door the servant offered her -holy water on the tips of her fingers, and then -stooped to brush off the dust of the altar -steps which still clung to her dress. As the -girl raised herself again she saw the ashen face -of Agnes turned towards the corner where the -priest's mother had knelt through all the -service. Then she saw the mother sitting -motionless on the ground, her head sunk -forward on her breast, her shoulders leaning -against the wall as though she had made a -supreme effort to uphold it in a great collapse. -Noticing the fixed gaze of Agnes and the servant, -a woman also turned to look, then sprang quickly -to the side of the priest's mother, spoke to her -in a whisper and raised her face in her hand.</p> - -<p>The mother's eyes were half-closed, glassy, -<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[255]</a></span> -the pupils upturned; the rosary had dropped -from her hand and her head fell sideways on to -the shoulder of the woman who held her.</p> - -<p>"She is dead!" shrieked the woman.</p> - -<p>And instantly the whole congregation was -on its feet and crowding to the bottom of the -church.</p> - -<p>Meanwhile Paul had gone back into the -sacristy with Antiochus, who was carrying -the book of the Gospel. He was trembling -with cold and with relief; he actually felt as -though he had just escaped from a shipwreck, -and he wanted to energize and walk about to -warm himself and convince himself that it -had all been a bad dream.</p> - -<p>Then a confused murmur of voices was heard -in the church, at first low, then growing -quickly louder and louder. Antiochus put -his head out of the sacristy door and saw all -the people collected together at the bottom -of the nave, as though there were some obstruction -at the entrance, but an old man was -already hastening up the chancel steps and -making mysterious signs.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[256]</a></span></p> - -<p>"His mother is taken ill," he said.</p> - -<p>Paul, still robed in his alb, was down there -at one bound and threw himself on his knees -that he might look more closely into his -mother's face as she lay stretched on the ground, -with her head in a woman's lap and hemmed -in by the pressing crowd.</p> - -<p>"Mother, mother!"</p> - -<p>The face was still and rigid, the eyes half-closed, -the teeth clenched in the effort not to -cry aloud.</p> - -<p>And he knew instantly that she had died of -the shock of that same grief, that same terror -which he had been enabled to overcome.</p> - -<p>And he, too, clenched his teeth that he -might not cry aloud when he raised his head; -and across the confused mass of the people -surging round, his eyes met the eyes of Agnes -fixed upon him.</p> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<hr /> - -<div class='tnote'> -<h3>Transcriber's Notes</h3> - -<p>A number of words in this book have both hyphenated and -non-hyphenated variants. For those words, the variant more frequently -used was retained.</p> - -<p>Obvious punctuation errors were fixed. Other printing errors, -which were not detected during the revision of the printing process -of the original book, have been corrected.</p> - -<p>A Table of Content was added before the Translator's Note.</p> - -<p>The book cover was modified by the transcriber and added to the Public Domain.</p> -</div> -</div> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's The Woman and the Priest, by Grazia Deledda - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WOMAN AND THE PRIEST *** - -***** This file should be named 53918-h.htm or 53918-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/3/9/1/53918/ - -Produced by Andrés V. 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