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diff --git a/old/53389-h/53389-h.htm b/old/53389-h/53389-h.htm deleted file mode 100644 index b0feef0..0000000 --- a/old/53389-h/53389-h.htm +++ /dev/null @@ -1,2113 +0,0 @@ -<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" - "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> -<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> - <head> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=utf-8" /> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> - <title> - The Project Gutenberg eBook of An Uninvited Member, by Elizabeth F. Guptill. - </title> - <style type="text/css"> - -body { - margin-left: 10%; - margin-right: 10%; -} - - h1,h2,h3 { - text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ - clear: both; -} - .faux { - font-size: 0.5em; /*this font size could be anything */ - visibility: hidden;} - -p { - margin-top: .75em; - text-align: justify; - text-indent: 1.25em; - margin-bottom: .75em; -} - - .maintitle {font-size: 200%; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; text-indent: 0;} - .copyright {text-align: center; font-size: 70%; text-indent: 0;} - .adtitle2 {font-size: 150%; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; text-indent: 0;} - .adtitle3 {font-size: 120%; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; margin-top: 1.25em; } - .author {font-size: 120%; text-align: center; text-indent: 0;} - .authorof {font-size: 70%; text-align: center; text-indent: 0; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 0;} - .big {font-size: 110%;} - - .bbox {border: double 2px; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; padding-bottom: .5em; padding-top: .5em; - padding-left: .5em; padding-right: .5em;} - - .center {text-align: center; text-indent: 0;} - - .smcap {font-variant: small-caps; font-style: normal;} - - .tnote {border: dashed 1px; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; padding-bottom: .5em; padding-top: .5em; - padding-left: .5em; padding-right: .5em; text-indent: 0;} - -hr { - width: 33%; - margin-top: 1em; - margin-bottom: 1em; - margin-left: auto; - margin-right: auto; - clear: both; -} - -hr.chap {width: 65%} -hr.full {width: 95%;} - -.playlist { list-style-type: none; margin-left: 25%; } - - -table { - margin-left: auto; - margin-right: auto; -} - - -.pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ - /* visibility: hidden; */ - position: absolute; - left: 92%; - font-size: smaller; - text-align: right; - font-style: normal; - text-indent: 0;} /* page numbers */ - - -/* Images */ - img {border: 0;} - -.figcenter { - margin: auto; - text-align: center; -} - -.figleft { - float: left; - clear: left; - margin-left: 0; - margin-bottom: 1em; - margin-top: 1em; - margin-right: 1em; - padding: 0; - text-align: center; -} - - -.btrb {border-bottom: solid 1px; border-right: solid 1px; border-top: solid 1px;} - - -@media handheld -{ - - h2.no-break - { - page-break-before: avoid; - padding-top: 0; - } - -} - - - </style> - </head> -<body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of An Uninvited Member, by Elizabeth F. Guptill - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: An Uninvited Member - A Play for Girls in Two Scenes - -Author: Elizabeth F. Guptill - -Release Date: October 28, 2016 [EBook #53389] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK AN UNINVITED MEMBER *** - - - - -Produced by Emmy, MFR and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive) - - - - - - -</pre> - -<h1 class="faux">An Uninvited Member</h1> -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 490px;"> -<img src="images/cover.jpg" width="490" height="800" alt="cover" /> -</div> -<hr class="chap" /> - - - -<div class="faux"> -NO PLAYS EXCHANGED.<br /> -Amateur Series.<br /> -<i>Price 15¢</i><br /> -An Uninvited Member<br /> -<span class="smcap">T. S. Denison & Company Publishers Chicago</span><br /> -</div> - -<div class="bbox"> -<div class="adtitle2">DENISON’S ACTING PLAYS.</div> - - -<div class="center"><b>A Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Large Catalogue Free.<br /> - -Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given.</b></div> - - - -<div class="center"> -<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="play prices"> -<tr><td align="center" colspan="4"><b>DRAMAS, COMEDIES, ENTERTAINMENTS, Etc.</b></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left" colspan="2"> </td><td align="center">M. </td><td align="center"> F.</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">After the Game, 2 acts, 1¼ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">1</td><td align="right">9</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">All That Glitters Is Not Gold, 2 acts, 2 hrs.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">6</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Altar of Riches, 4 acts, 2½ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">5</td><td align="right">5</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">American Hustler, 4 acts, 2½ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">7</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Arabian Nights, 3 acts, 2 hrs.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">5</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Bank Cashier, 4 acts, 2 hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">8</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">9</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Bonnybell, 1 hr.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right" colspan="2"> Optnl.</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2¼ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">7</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 h.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">7</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Busy Liar, 3 acts, 2¼ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">7</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Caste, 3 acts, 2½ hrs.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">5</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Corner Drug Store, 1 hr.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">17</td><td align="right">14</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Cricket on the Hearth, 3 acts,1¾ hrs.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">7</td><td align="right">8</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">7</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Daughter of the Desert, 4 acts, 2¼ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">6</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2½ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">8</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">East Lynne, 5 acts, 2¼ hrs.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">8</td><td align="right">7</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">10</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Elma, 1¾ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right" colspan="2"> Optnl.</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Enchanted Wood, 1¾ h.</td><td align="left">(35c)</td><td align="right" colspan="2"> Optnl.</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Eulalia, 1½ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right" colspan="2"> Optnl.</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">From Sumter to Appomattox, 4 acts, 2½ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">6</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Fun on the Podunk Limited, 1½ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">9</td><td align="right">14</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Handy Andy (Irish), 2 acts, 1½ h.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">8</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Heiress of Hoetown, 3 acts, 2 hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">8</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">High School Freshman, 3 acts, 2 h.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">12</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Home, 3 acts, 2 hrs.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Honor of a Cowboy, 4 acts, 2½ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">13</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Iron Hand, 4 acts, 2 hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">5</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">It’s All in the Pay Streak, 3 acts, 1¾ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Jayville Junction, 1½ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">14</td><td align="right">17</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Jedediah Judkins, J. P., 4 acts, 2½ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">7</td><td align="right">5</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Kingdom of Heart’s Content, 3 acts, 2¼ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">6</td><td align="right">12</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Light Brigade, 40 min.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">10</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2¼ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">7</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Lodge of Kye Tyes, 1 hr.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">13</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Lonelyville Social Club, 3 acts, 1½ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">10</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Louva, the Pauper, 5 acts, 2 h.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">9</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Man from Borneo, 3 acts, 2 hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">5</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Man from Nevada, 4 acts, 2½ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">9</td><td align="right">5</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Mirandy’s Minstrels</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right" colspan="2"> Optnl.</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">New Woman, 3 acts, 1 hr.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">6</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Not Such a Fool as He Looks, 3 acts, 2 hrs.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">5</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Odds with the Enemy, 4 acts, 1¾ hrs.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">7</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Old Maid’s Club, 1½ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">2</td><td align="right">16</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Old School at Hick’ry Holler, 1¼ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">12</td><td align="right">9</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Only Daughter, 3 acts, 1¼ hrs.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">5</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 2½ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">10</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Our Boys, 3 acts, 2 hrs.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">6</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Out in the Streets, 3 acts, 1 hr.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">6</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Pet of Parson’s Ranch, 5 acts, 2 h.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">9</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">School Ma’am, 4 acts, 1¾ hrs.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">6</td><td align="right">5</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">6</td><td align="right">6</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Seth Greenback, 4 acts, 1¼ hrs.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">7</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Soldier of Fortune, 5 acts, 2½ h.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">8</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Solon Shingle, 2 acts, 1½ hrs.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">7</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Sweethearts, 2 acts, 35 min.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">2</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Ten Nights in a Barroom, 5 acts, 2 hrs.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">7</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Third Degree, 40 min.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">12</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 2 hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">6</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Ticket-of-Leave Man, 4 acts, 2¾ hrs.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">8</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Tony, The Convict, 5 acts, 2½ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">7</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Topp’s Twins, 4 acts, 2 h.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">6</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Trip to Storyland, 1¼ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">17</td><td align="right">23</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2¼ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">8</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 2 hrs.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">6</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Under the Spell, 4 acts, 2½ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">7</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">8</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"> </td></tr> -<tr><td align="center" colspan="4"><b>FARCES, COMEDIETTAS, Etc.</b></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Under the Spell, 4 acts, 2½ hrs.</td><td align="left">(25c)</td><td align="right">7</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">April Fools, 30 min.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Assessor, The, 10 min.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Aunt Matilda’s Birthday Party, 35 min.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">12</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">19</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Bad Job, 30 min.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Betsy Baker, 45 min.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">2</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Billy’s Chorus Girl, 25 mi.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">2</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Billy’s Mishap, 20 min.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">2</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">5</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Borrowing Trouble, 20 min.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">5</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Box and Cox, 35 min.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">2</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Cabman No. 93, 40 min.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">2</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Case Against Casey, 40 min.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">23</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Convention of Papas, 25 min.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">7</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Country Justice, 15 min.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">8</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -</table></div> -<div class="center">——————————————<br /> -<b>T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago<br /> -</b></div></div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="maintitle">AN UNINVITED MEMBER</div> -<div class="center"><br /><br /><br /> -A PLAY FOR GIRLS IN TWO SCENES<br /> -<br /><br /><br /> -<small>BY</small><br /> -<span class="author">ELIZABETH F. GUPTILL</span><br /> -<span class="authorof">AUTHOR OF<br /> -<i>“Mother Goose’s Goslings” and “A Trip to Storyland”</i></span><br /> -<br /><br /><br /></div> -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 55px;"> -<img src="images/leaf.jpg" width="55" height="55" alt="leaf" /> -</div> - -<div class="center"><br /><br /> -<br /> -<small>CHICAGO</small><br /> -T. S. DENISON & COMPANY<br /> -<span class="smcap">Publishers</span><br /> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span></p> - - - - -<h2>AN UNINVITED MEMBER</h2> - - -<h3>CHARACTERS.</h3> - - - -<div class="center"> -<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Cast list"> -<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Vivian Mason</span></td><td align="left" class="btrb" rowspan="5"> </td><td align="left">—<i>Boarding School Girls from Sixteen To Eighteen</i></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Florence Dennis</span></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Bettina Warren</span></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Maud Atherton</span></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Beatrice Mortimer</span></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Effie Warren</span></td><td align="left" class="btrb" rowspan="2"> </td><td align="left">—<i>Little Girls of Eleven or Twelve</i></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap">Hazel Dennis</span></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">Miss Dunham</span></td><td align="left"> <i>A Teacher</i></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">Mrs. Waterman</span></td><td align="left"> <i>The Principal</i></td></tr> -</table></div> - -<div class="center">——————<br /> -<span class="smcap">Place</span>—<i>A Boarding School.</i><br /> -——————<br /> -<span class="smcap">Time of Playing</span>—<i>Thirty-five Minutes.</i><br /> -——————<br /></div> -<h3>COSTUMES.</h3> - -<p>The teachers tastefully dressed and the girls wear pretty -school dresses suitable to their respective ages.</p> - - -<div class="copyright">——————<br /> -COPYRIGHT, 1912, BY EBEN H. NORRIS.<br /> -</div> - - - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span></p> - - - - -<h2>AN UNINVITED MEMBER</h2> - - - - -<h3><span class="smcap">Scene I.</span></h3> - - -<p><span class="smcap">Scene</span>: <i>It may represent a schoolroom, hall or campus, -to suit the convenience. Entrances right and left or one -entrance will be sufficient.</i></p> - -<p><i><span class="smcap">Florence</span> and <span class="smcap">Vivian</span> enter, arms entwined around each -other’s waists, whispering eagerly. They wear yellow -badges with black letters. <span class="smcap">Effie</span>, a little girl of eleven or -twelve, comes tiptoeing up behind, pounces on the entwined -arms and cries “Boo!” Girls jump and shriek -slightly, then confront <span class="smcap">Effie</span> indignantly.</i></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> Effie Warren, you’re a perfect little nuisance!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie</span> (<i>mimicking her</i>). Florence Dennis, you’re a perfect -big nuisance!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Vivian.</span> How long had you been there behind us?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Not under two seconds and not exceeding two -hours, Miss Vivian. Sorry I cannot tell any closer, but I -left my watch at home on the piano, and two hundred -miles is a bit too far to run before prayer time.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> Did you hear what we said?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Don’t you wish you knew?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Vivian.</span> Did you, Effie?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> What’ll you give me not to tell, Miss Mason?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> A box of chocolates.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Goody! Then I won’t tell. But when will you -give it to me?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Vivian.</span> Run away, Effie. Florence doesn’t carry chocolates -to prayers.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> I suppose not. “I shall be obliged to confiscate -these, young ladies (<i>very primly</i>), although it distresses<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span> -me very much to be obliged to do so.” Oh, Florence, what’s -your badge for? S. O. M. F. Is it a new society, and -can’t I join?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> Yes, Effie, it’s a new society. No, you can’t -join.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie</span> Why can’t I?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Vivian.</span> You are much too young and giddy (frivolous, -I should say) to understand the high motives and lofty -ideals of the S. O. M. F. You don’t even know who Socrates -was.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie</span> No; but I know he’s nothing to do with your -society or you’d never have mentioned his name. I’m not -quite a baby, Miss Vivian, if my dresses aren’t down to -my ankles. My ankles aren’t so big I’m ashamed to show -’em, either! S. O.—Society Of—oh, I’ll find out your old -secret yet!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> Effie, you’re a perfect terror. (<i>Calling.</i>) -Betty! Betty!</p> - -<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Betty</span>.</i></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> Oh, what is it?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> If you have any faint remnant of regard for -that small sister of yours, rescue her before I fall upon her -with evil intent and commit a fell and awful murder with -malice aforethought.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> Justifiable homicide, I should call it. What’s -the kidlet been doing now?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie</span> (<i>indignantly</i>). Kidlet yourself, Bettina Warren! -Oh, Betty, you’ve got a badge, too! Do tell me what S. O. -M. F. means. I’m dying to know!</p> - -<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Lillian</span>.</i></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> Cheer up, Effie, we’ll all come to the wake.</p> - -<p><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Maude</span> and <span class="smcap">Beatrice</span>, arms entwined.</i></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Maude.</span> To whose wake?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Are any of you girls going to commit suicide? -If so, count me out. I positively decline.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> It’s only my small sister here—no one that -counts.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Don’t I? You may find out yet, Miss Bettina. -You think you’re so grown-up!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> What you dying of, Effie? Unrequited affection -for the butcher’s boy?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> No, nor for the Professor’s boy, either.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Maude.</span> Good for you, Effie! Oh, Lil!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> Saucy little bunch! Betty, why don’t you make -that kid behave?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Kid yourself! I’d like to see her try it!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> I would not. Effie’s dying of unrequited curiosity, -Lil.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Did you ever hear of Mother Eve, Effie?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Yes, I have! And of Pandora, and Meddlesome -Matty, and Curious Carrie, and Bee Mortimer, and so on.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> Effie, you’ll surely be an old maid, your -tongue is so sharp.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Hope I will. I wouldn’t marry one of those soft, -squashy, mushy academy boys you girls are so soft on for -anything. I’d rather have a cat and a parrot. <i>They</i> know -something, anyway. And I’m going to find out what those -letters stand for. S. O.—Society Of—M—Monkey—F—Fools.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Girls</span> (<i>in chorus</i>). The idea!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> You’re a first rate guesser, Effie. You don’t -want to be a monkey fool, do you?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Oh, I’ll guess it right yet. You see!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> I do believe she will, girls. She’s a perfect terror -at finding out things she ought not to know.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Vivian.</span> An investigating mind, hey?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> Look out, Vivian! If Miss Dunham hears -you say “hey” she’ll give you another imposition.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Vivian.</span> Who cares for Old Dunham? I’ll say “hey” -when I please, and straw, too, for all her!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Say, girls, I met her this morning and she -put out her left hand to stop me—you know her way.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie</span> (<i>mimicking</i>). Just so!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Exactly, Effie. And she said, “Isn’t that a -rather conspicuous badge, Miss Mortimer?”</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Maude.</span> What did you say, Bee?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> I looked down at it as if I was just being -introduced to it, and answered modestly, “Is it, Miss Dunham?” -Then she read the letters slowly, but with as much -curiosity as Effie here, and said, “S—O—M—F—Society -of Moonlight Flirts.” (<i><span class="smcap">Girls</span> shriek with laughter.</i>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> Pretty good for Dunham. Oh, why hadn’t -<i>we</i> thought of that?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Vivian.</span> Really, that’s a great name.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> Beats ours all hollow.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> That’s even better than Effie’s “Monkey Fools.”</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Maude.</span> Better join forces with Dunham, Effie, and -ferret out that secret.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> You might call yourselves the “S. O. C. P.,” -Effie.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> What’s that?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Society of Curious Pryers.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Thanks. I shan’t join forces with the enemy, -but I’m going to find out what those letters stand for, and -don’t you forget it. You’d better tell me and let me join.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Maude.</span> Well, you see, Effie, the membership is limited -to seven—the mystic number.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie</span> (<i>counting badges</i>). Betty, one; Maude, two; -Lil, three; Bee, four; Floss, five; Vivian, six; Effie, seven. -That just makes it.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Vivian.</span> But Dorothy’s to be number seven, Effie.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Pooh! I saw Dorothy this morning, myself, and -she hadn’t a sign of a badge.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence</span> (<i>taking badge from book</i>). Well, she’ll have -this one when I see her again.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Oh, give it to me, Floss—do!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> I can’t Effie, truly. It’s promised to Dorothy.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Make me number eight, then.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> No. That will spoil it. Go get up a society of -your own with Hazel and Helen and Marjorie.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> I’ll paint your badges, Effie, and never ask -what the letters stand for.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Can’t switch me off that way. I’m going to find -out about that S. O. M. F. of yours, and I’m going to join.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span> -You’ll see! (<i>Snatches badge from <span class="smcap">Florence’s</span> hand and -runs off with it. <span class="smcap">Girls</span> start to chase her.</i>)</p> - -<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Miss Dunham</span>.</i></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss Dunham</span> (<i>putting out left hand</i>). Stay, young ladies, -the chapel is in the other direction.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> But—</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss Dunham.</span> No excuses, please. The bell has rung -for prayers.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Maude.</span> Mayn’t I—</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss Dunham.</span> If you mean may I not, Miss Atherton, -say so.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Maude.</span> May I not—</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss Dunham.</span> Certainly not. Whatever you wish to -do, you must wait until after prayers. (<i><span class="smcap">Betty</span> attempts to -sneak off but is promptly recalled.</i>) Miss Warren, I shall -report you for insubordination and you will do one hundred -lines after school.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence</span> (<i>aside</i>). Oh, ye gods and little fishes!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Miss Dunham.</span> Miss Dennis, I shall report you for -profanity. I have remarked before on your flippant manner -of conversation. Two hundred lines, please. Come, -young ladies, we’ll all be late to prayers. (<i>Ushers them all -before her in opposite direction to that taken by <span class="smcap">Effie</span>.</i>)</p> - -<p><i>When all have disappeared <span class="smcap">Effie</span> re-enters, pins on -badge and capers around.</i></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> S. O. M. F.—Society of—that much is easy. -M—Monkey—Moonlight—Morning—Midnight—oh, I bet -that’s it. Society of Midnight. F—Fools—Flowers—Feasters. -Oh, ho! I’ve got it. S. O. M. F.—Society of Midnight -Feasters! Bee got a box from home yesterday. Well, you -can just bet little Effie’s going to join and attend the first -meeting. Now to learn where it’s to be.</p> - -<p><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Hazel</span>.</i></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hazel.</span> Hurry up, Effie; you’ll be late to prayers. (<i>Sees -badge.</i>) Why, Effie Warren, where’d you get that?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie</span> (<i>softly</i>). Don’t be inquisitive, Hazel. That’s the -badge of a new society within this Select Seminary for -Young Ladies.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hazel.</span> Well, you don’t belong. It’s for the big girls.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Doesn’t this look like it? My sister’s a member.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hazel.</span> So’s mine, but she wouldn’t even tell me what -S. O. M. F. stood for. (<i>Coaxingly.</i>) Won’t you, Effie -dear?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> The idea, Hazel Dennis! Don’t you know I -musn’t? It wouldn’t be honorable. I’m surprised at you!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hazel.</span> H’m! Think you’re awful big, don’t you? I -know your old password, anyway.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Bet you don’t!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hazel.</span> Well, I do. I heard Vivian tell Floss. She said: -“Tonight in Lil and Bee’s room, at the witching hour. Open -sesame—Bx!” So there, now! Seems as if you might have -found an English word instead of that Russian thing.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Well, I don’t know what they meant at all. Our -password is not Russian at all, but English. You’re way -off. There goes second bell.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Hazel.</span> Aren’t you coming?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Not just now. (<i><span class="smcap">Hazel</span> runs out.</i>) Bx! That’s -Russian for box, I suppose. And tonight at midnight! I’ll -be there. Oh, yes. Won’t it be fun to see the girls’ faces! -Here goes for chapel. (<i>Runs out.</i>)</p> - -<p class="center"> -<span class="smcap">Curtain.</span><br /> -</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - - -<h3><span class="smcap">Scene II.</span></h3> - - -<p><span class="smcap">Scene</span>: <i>A bedroom in a boarding school. One door, -may be either right, left or center, to suit convenience of -stage. A box couch at one side, a bed at the other. A table -near center with a motley collection of food upon it. -<span class="smcap">Florence</span>, <span class="smcap">Vivian</span>, <span class="smcap">Lillian</span>, <span class="smcap">Beatrice</span> and <span class="smcap">Maude</span> sitting -around in various schoolgirl positions. <span class="smcap">Bee</span> jumps up and -begins to re-arrange table. <span class="smcap">Lillian</span> is seated near door. A -light knock heard. She opens door a crack. <span class="smcap">Betty</span> hisses -“Bx!” and is admitted.</i></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> Why wear such a sad and solemn face, Bettina?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> I can’t find Effie anywhere.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> I can, then.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> Oh, where is she, Floss? I was in the library, -reading up for my essay, and stayed overtime. Of course -the omnipresent Dunham had to meander down the corridor -as I was hiking for my room, and I got an impo.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Vivian.</span> You’d have got two, Betty mine, if the very -precise and proper Dunham had heard you make use of -that very expressive and slangy verb “to hike.”</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> Well, when I got to my room Effie wasn’t there. -I thought she was hiding and hunted everywhere. But she -just wasn’t there.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> Had you looked in mine you’d have found -her in bed with Hazel. I room with you tonight. I got permission -from Mrs. Waterman herself to exchange for tonight.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> How?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> In ways best kept secret. An’ ye love me, -ask me no questions, I pray thee.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Where’s the dragon, Betsy Bobbet? Do you -know?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> Sound asleep in her room, I suppose.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Maude.</span> Kindly let her remain there.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> If she only <i>will</i>, Maudie. I shan’t drag her -forth.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> All here. Time for initiation. Bring the prisoner -forward.</p> - -<p><i><span class="smcap">Vivian</span> and <span class="smcap">Maude</span> go behind a screen and come out -leading <span class="smcap">Dorothy</span>, who is blindfolded. They place her before -<span class="smcap">Lillian</span>.</i></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> Sisters in mystery, behold before you the aspiring -maiden who rashly dared to seek admittance to our -select circle.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> I never, Lil Norton. You invited me yourself.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> Does the rash prisoner dare to speak unbidden? -Guard—the penalty. (<i><span class="smcap">Florence</span> passes a bottle of -pepper sauce.</i>) Put out thy bold and audacious tongue, -varlet.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> I shan’t.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Vivian.</span> You must, Dorothy.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Maude.</span> Oh, go ahead, Dot. She’s put us all through -this before.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy</span> (<i>hesitatingly</i>). Well, what is it?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> Fire—liquid fire.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> ’Twon’t hurt you, Doto.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> Well—(<i>puts out tongue, draws it back. Does -it several times. At last <span class="smcap">Lillian</span> succeeds in putting pepper -sauce on it. <span class="smcap">Dorothy</span> covering mouth with hands.</i>) -Whew! That burns like—</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Water—only water, I assure you. Drawn -from the northeast corner of the deepest well in Byfield.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> If the taste doesn’t appeal to you, don’t answer -this august tribunal with back talk. Now for your -kittychasm. Answer promptly and respectfully. What is -your father?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> A doctor.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> Her father is the undertaker’s partner, girls.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy</span> (<i>indignantly</i>). No such thing!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> Don’t the undertaker bury the ones he kills -for him?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> The idea, Lil Norton! He doesn’t kill people.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> Then all his patients recover?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> Well, no, of course, not all.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> Then they die?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> Sometimes, of course.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> Then don’t try to hide from us who his partner -is. Perhaps in your town they don’t bury the doctor’s -victims. Do they cremate them, or mummify them, or simply -pickle them?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> Don’t, Lil. That’s horrid! They bury them, -of course.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> Oh, you perceive, friends, that the culprit has -acknowledged that the learned doctor does have victims. -Here is a serious question for you. Shall we admit the -daughter of a murderer to our learned and elegant society?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> If you are going to insult my father, Lil -Norton, I don’t want to join your old society.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> Is the candidate getting touchy? Smooth her -ruffled feelings, guards. (<i><span class="smcap">Girls</span> smooth <span class="smcap">Dorothy</span> vigorously.</i>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> There! That will do. My feelings aren’t -ruffled any more.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> Drop the candidate’s paternal parent with a -sharp thud. (<i><span class="smcap">Bee</span> drops a book.</i>) He is dropped. We will -proceed. Miss Mason, you may take up the cross-examination.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Vivian.</span> Does your mother ever wash her face?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> Of course.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Vivian.</span> Is it seemly, sisters, to admit to our circle the -daughter of a washerwoman?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> My mother isn’t a washerwoman, Vivian -Mason!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Vivian.</span> Please confine your statements to the truth, -the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Are we to understand -that your mother never washes her face?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> Of course she does. She isn’t a pig.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Vivian.</span> Will the ladies please make a mental note of -the candidate’s last statement for future reference? Her -mother <i>isn’t</i> a pig! Then we are to understand that your -mother, being neither a pig nor a woman, is a man? How -passing strange! Does she wear a beard?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> No, she doesn’t, and she isn’t a man.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Vivian.</span> Third person, singular number, neuter gender. -Miss Dennis, your turn.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> How old is your grandmother’s cat?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> She hasn’t got a cat.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> So the poor old lady can’t afford to keep a -cat! Does she reside in the poorhouse, or has she a tumble-down -hovel of her own?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> Neither.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> You don’t mean that she’s a beggar on the -the street, I hope?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> No, I don’t.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> Then please tell this assembly exactly how -and where she does live.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> She doesn’t. Both my grandmothers died<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span> -years ago. One before I was born. The other immediately -after.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> Oh, Dot, were you as homely as that? She -killed her own grandmothers. I’ve no more to ask. Proceed -with the inquisition, Miss Mortimer, while I recover -from the effects of the shock. A pickle, please.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> No; no pickles yet. The smelling salts are—somewhere. -(<i>To <span class="smcap">Dorothy</span>.</i>) When and where were you -born?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> In Boston, May 1, ——. (<i>Insert date to -fit age of girl taking the part.</i>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> What day of the week?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> Sunday.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Ladies, she’s a Sabbath breaker. Very poor -taste, to say the least, to work the stork express on Sunday. -The hour of the day?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> Really, I don’t know. Does it matter?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Does it matter? Certainly it matters. If you -can’t tell when you were born, you can’t prove you were -born at all, and if, like Topsy, you “just growed,” you certainly -cannot be admitted to this select society, every member -of which was born.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy</span> (<i>laughing</i>). Don’t be silly, Bee! Of course I -was born.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Were you present at the occasion?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> Sure! But I don’t remember much about it.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Was your mother present?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> I suppose she was.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Suppose! Write to her immediately and ask -her if you were born. She may know, and it is very essential. -Miss Warren, it is your turn.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> Let us drop family matters, since they appear -so disgraceful, and find out if the candidate’s mental -achievements are such as entitle her to admission to our -select association. Can you read?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> I think so.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty</span> (<i>putting a book in her hand</i>). Read this, please, -aloud, slowly, and with expression. Begin at the place<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span> -marked and read seven paragraphs. (<i><span class="smcap">Dorothy</span> attempts to -pull bandage from eyes. <span class="smcap">Girls</span> prevent her.</i>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> I can’t read with this on my eyes!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty</span> (<i>taking book</i>). I feared it. Ladies, the candidate, -by her own admission, cannot read. Can you write?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> Yes, I can do that blindfold, I think.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> Very well. Here are pencil and paper. Write -your name, please, if you know it. Also the name of this -delightful Alma Mater of ours. (<i><span class="smcap">Dorothy</span> starts to write.</i> -<span class="smcap">Girls</span> <i>jog her elbow and move her paper around.</i>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> I can’t write if you girls—</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Girls</span> (<i>in chorus</i>). She can’t write! She can’t write! -She said so!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty</span> (<i>taking pencil</i>). Sad, sad indeed! Do you know -your letters?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> Probably not, according to you. You’re worse -than Miss Dunham.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> Try. Say your letters for the ladies, dear.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> A, b, c, d, e—</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> Hold on! That isn’t the way!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> Well, z, y, x, w—</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> No, no! Say them correctly.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta—</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> What gibberish! Say them in English.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> I did, but you wouldn’t let me go on.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> Begin again.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> A, b, c—</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> No, no!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> Well, how shall I say ’em?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> One at a time.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> All right. A.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> Correct. Proceed.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> B.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Yes? What do you want?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> I didn’t want you. C.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> See what?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> A lot of idiots, I should say. D.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Maude.</span> That’s what she calls Bert, I suppose. Her dee -boy.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> Oh, dry up, Maude. E.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> I regret to say that the candidate doesn’t know -her letters. She hasn’t given the definition of A yet.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> Well, what is the definition of A?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> I am asking questions, not answering them. -One more trial. Can you define A?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> No, I can’t and I don’t want to.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> I am overcome at the thought of such ignorance. -Miss Atherton may finish the kittychasm.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Maude.</span> Can you do arithmetic? Add one cat, two -dogs, three bears and a lion.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> Seven animals.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Maude.</span> Wrong.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> One, then—the lion.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Maude.</span> That’s not addition; that’s subtraction.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> No, because they’d all be added to the lion.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Maude.</span> Wrong. The correct answer is, a big row. -Can you do multiplication? Do you know your times table?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> I think so.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Maude.</span> How many times have you been kissed?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> What a question?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Maude.</span> I will make it simpler. How many times were -you kissed by a—er—young man? Bert, for instance?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> The idea, Maude Atherton! I shan’t answer -another question.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Maude.</span> The defendant pleads guilty. The last question -is answered. Kneel. (<i><span class="smcap">Dorothy</span> kneels.</i>) Look up. -(<i><span class="smcap">Dorothy</span> does so. <span class="smcap">Lillian</span> throws water in her face -Dorothy gasps. <span class="smcap">Girls</span> laugh. Another laugh is heard.</i>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> What was that?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> What?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty</span> (<i>pointing</i>). Girls, look!</p> - -<p><i>All look. See <span class="smcap">Effie</span> peeping from raised lid of box -couch. As they rush toward her she throws it back and -jumps out.</i></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Effie Warren, you dreadful child. How did -you get here?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Been here all the time. Came while you and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span> -Lil were squeezing lemons in the dressing-room. Sorry to -disturb you before the initiation was over, but you asked -such a heap of foolish questions, and its stuffy in there. -Besides, I was hungry. (<i>Makes a dive for the table, grabs -a cream cake and a pickle and begins to munch.</i>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Effie Warren, you go straight back to your -room!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> If I do I’ll send Miss Dunham up here.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> Effie, you wouldn’t be so mean!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> I would if you were mean enough to turn me -out without my share of the spread.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Your share! Well, I call that cool. You -weren’t invited.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Perhaps not, but I’m a member of the S. O. -M. F., which means Society of Midnight Feasters, and I -know the password—Bx! See my badge?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> Oh, Effie, you’re a regular Paul Pry. What -shall we do, girls?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Eat and decide afterward. See the young -gourmand stuff.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Yes, it’s a first rate spread. (<i>All begin to eat. -Intersperse remarks such as “Pass the pickles,” “Isn’t this -great,” etc. The knob of the door rattles loudly. All pause -in dismay.</i>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Voice</span> (<i>from without</i>). Miss Norton! Miss Mortimer! -Young ladies. (<i>No response.</i>) Miss Norton! Miss Mortimer! -(<i>Loud rapping.</i>) Open this door! (<i>A pause.</i>) Do -you intend to obey? Very well, I shall fetch Mrs. Waterman. -(<i>Steps recede.</i>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Scoot, girls, quick!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> We don’t dare. She’s probably waiting a little -way down the corridor.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> What shall we do?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> You and Lil get into bed quick. The rest of -us will hide. Effie, you’re little and spry, you blow out the -candle and unlock the door. Then get back into your former -hiding place.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> All right.</p> - -<p><i><span class="smcap">Lillian</span> and <span class="smcap">Bee</span> scramble into bed, <span class="smcap">Dorothy</span> and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span> -<span class="smcap">Betty</span> hide behind screen, <span class="smcap">Florence</span>, <span class="smcap">Vivian</span> and <span class="smcap">Maude</span> -dive under bed. <span class="smcap">Effie</span> unlocks door, calmly fills her hands -and apron with goodies and gets into the box couch. -Someone knocks twice, then door opens and <span class="smcap">Mrs. Waterman</span> -enters.</i></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Waterman.</span> Lillian! Beatrice! (<i>No answer. She -lights lamp and looks around her, advances to bed, holds -lamp high.</i>) Lillian! Beatrice! (<i>Still no answer. <span class="smcap">Girls</span> -appear to be asleep. She gives a quick glance behind screen, -then seats herself near table, occasionally glaring at or -beneath the bed. Talks aloud to herself.</i>) Well, I think -Miss Dunham must have been mistaken as to the number -of voices she heard. No one here but Beatrice and Lillian -and they sound asleep. I suppose their brains are weary -from over study. (<i>Looks at table.</i>) I suppose this is the -contents of Beatrice’s box. Spread out to see how much -show it would make, I presume. A midnight feast, Miss -Dunham seemed to think, but this seems hardly touched. I -believe I’ll try a glass of that lemonade. How prodigal of -Beatrice to make up so much at once. Doesn’t she know -it won’t be nearly so good in the morning? (<i>Pours out -lemonade and sips it.</i>) Delicious, I’m sure, and I believe -a slice of that cake would be nice. (<i>Takes it and tastes.</i>) -Ah, what an excellent cook Mrs. Mortimer is and what a -delicate, refined little lady. I’m glad she has brought up -her daughter to be sensible and keep her goodies for -morning, when they’ll be digestible. I told Miss Dunham -she was mistaken. Beatrice and Lillian are both -too fond of me to grieve me by such a flagrant breach -of rules. I told her she might go to bed and I’d go the -rounds and see who was missing. It seems unnecessary -now, however. (<i><span class="smcap">Betty</span> gives a slight cough, immediately -suppressed. <span class="smcap">Mrs. Mortimer</span> looks toward bed.</i>) There, -Lillian has taken cold again. Her chest is so delicate. She -must take a bottle of cod liver oil, I think. I’ll give her -some in the morning. These things ought not to remain -here, they’ll attract the rats. Let me see, there’s that -clothes hamper. I’ll pack them in that and take them to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span> -my room for safe keeping. I presume Beatrice will be -asking permission to have a party tomorrow afternoon or -evening. Let’s see. I believe I can guess whom she will -ask, even. Betty and Maude, Florence and Vivian and -Dorothy. “We are Seven,” and where one is, behold the -other six. Dear girls, I wonder if they know how truly I -have their interests at heart, and how well I love them all. -(<i>Packs basket, commenting on food. As she rises from -packing last of it, her eyes meet <span class="smcap">Effie’s</span>, peeping out from -couch. <span class="smcap">Effie</span> dodges back, <span class="smcap">Mrs. W.</span> advances, lifts cover -and motions her to get out.</i>) Why, Effie Warren! This is -a surprise. How did you come in there?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> I hid when I heard you coming.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. W.</span> But how came you here at all? What are you -doing in a room belonging to two large girls, when those -two girls are abed and asleep?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Well, they didn’t want me and I just came.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. W.</span> And you have been eating Bee’s goodies! Oh, -what a pig! Did Bee give any of these to you?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> No’m, but—</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. W.</span> What do we call it when one person takes -another’s goods without their knowledge or permission?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Truly, I wasn’t stealing, Mrs. Waterman. The -idea! I wouldn’t! Besides they did know.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. W.</span> And said you might?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> N—no. But it wasn’t stealing.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. W.</span> Robbery, then, if you like that any better. A -little girl who forces herself on those who do not wish her -company is very bold and forward, indeed. How much -have you eaten, Effie?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Two cream cakes, three tarts, two pickles, a -hunk of nutcake, a piece of pie, some macaroons. I guess -that’s all.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. W.</span> I should hope so. Come with me to my room -and have a dose of castor oil, and then go back to bed with -Hazel as quickly as possible.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Effie.</span> I don’t need any castor oil, Mrs. Waterman.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. W.</span> Indeed you do, after eating all of that in the -middle of the night. Here, help me carry this hamper.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span> -(<i>They go out and close door. <span class="smcap">Girls</span> come out from hiding -places.</i>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Vivian.</span> Oh, I’m so cramped. Floss and Maude did -crowd so!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Maude.</span> Crowd! I was way at the back, <i>being</i> crowded. -’Twas Floss.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> Well, I was right in front and I was sure she -could see me.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> And Betty coughed.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> Yes, and <i>I’ll</i> have to take cod liver oil to -cure it.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Do you suppose she’ll make you?</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> Of course. I can’t say it was Betty, can I? -Besides, she has been saying I ought.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> Girls, she knew we were there!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> I believe she did!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Maude.</span> And talked for our benefit.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> Made us feel pretty small, too. I’m glad she -got Effie, anyway. She did feel so big at getting the best -of it.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> Say, girls, let’s make a clean breast of it and -tell her we’re sorry. (<i>Tears off badge.</i>) No more midnight -feasts for me!</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Nor me. Girls, S. O. M. F. is disbanded.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> And nobody had a feast after all but that -troublesome little Effie.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Vivian.</span> And she’ll pay for hers.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Betty.</span> Indeed she will. No one can coax, hire, threaten -or force her to take castor oil at home.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> She was a little trump, though, and never -tattled a bit. Stood her sermon like a little martyr. Let’s -change our society to one where we needn’t sneak, and let -Effie join.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Florence.</span> So we will. Now, girls, let’s run, and in -the morning we’ll ’fess. We do think a lot of Mrs. Waterman, -and we’ll prove it.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Vivian.</span> Think of her sending Dunham to bed. <i>She’d</i> -have delighted in dragging us out one by one.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span></p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> Yes, and we’d have been defiant and saucy -and in no end of a mess.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Dorothy.</span> And have done it all over as soon as possible, -whereas now—</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice.</span> Now we solemnly promise to abjure midnight -feasting for a year and a day. Unpin badges. (<i>All -do so.</i>) March around and lay them on table. (<i>All do so.</i>) -I hereby declare the S. O. M. F. disbanded and solemnly -bury the regalia. (<i>Opens top drawer of bureau, puts -badges in and covers them, then closes drawer.</i>) Goodnight, -sisters in mystery. (<i>The girls all go out but <span class="smcap">Lillian</span> -and <span class="smcap">Beatrice</span>.</i>)</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Beatrice</span> (<i>as curtain falls</i>). I expected she’d feel my -pulse to see if I was feverish, my face burned so while she -talked.</p> - -<p><span class="smcap">Lillian.</span> And to think Effie was the only active member -of the S. O. M. F. after all!</p> - -<div class="center"> -<span class="smcap">Curtain.</span><br /> -</div> - - -<hr class="full" /> - -<div class="adtitle2"><i>Denison’s<br /> -Vaudeville Sketches</i></div> - -<div class="center big"><b>Price, 15 Cents Each, Postpaid.</b></div> - - -<div class="figleft" style="width: 180px;"> -<img src="images/i-022.jpg" width="180" height="263" alt="Denison's Vaudeville Sketches for Two cover" /> -</div> - -<p>Nearly all of these sketches were written for professionals -and have been given with great success by vaudeville -artists of note. They are essentially dramatic and -very funny; up-to-date comedy. They are not recommended -for church entertainments; however, they contain -nothing that will offend, and are all within the -range of amateurs.</p> - -<p><b>DOINGS OF A DUDE.</b>—Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 2 m., 1 f. -Time 20 m. <i>Scene</i>: Simple interior. Maizy Von Billion of athletic tendencies -is expecting a boxing instructor and has procured Bloody Mike, a prize -fighter, to “try him out.” Percy Montmorency, her sister’s ping pong teacher, -is mistaken for the boxing instructor and has a “trying out” that is a surprise. -A whirlwind of fun and action.</p> - -<p><b>FRESH TIMOTHY HAY.</b>—Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 2 m., -1 f. Time 20 m. <i>Scene</i>: Simple rural exterior. By terms of a will, Rose -Lark must marry Reed Bird or forfeit a legacy. Rose and Reed have never -met and when he arrives Timothy Hay, a fresh farm hand, mistakes him for -Pink Eye Pete, a notorious thief. Ludicrous lines and rapid action.</p> - -<p><b>GLICKMAN, THE GLAZIER.</b>—Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton -and A. S. Hoffman; 1 m., 1 f. Time 25 m. <i>Scene</i>: Simple interior. Charlotte -Russe, an actress, is scored by a dramatic paper. With “blood in her eye” -she seeks the critic at the office, finds no one in and smashes a window. Jacob -Glickman, a Hebrew glazier, rushes in and is mistaken for the critic. Fun, -jokes, gags and action follow with lightning rapidity. A great Jew part.</p> - -<p><b>THE GODDESS OF LOVE.</b>—Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m., -1 f. Time 15 m. <i>Scene</i>: Simple exterior. Aphrodite, a Greek goddess, is a -statue in the park. According to tradition a gold ring placed upon her finger -will bring her to life. Knott Jones, a tramp, who had slept in the park all -night, brings her to life. A rare combination of the beautiful and the best of -comedy. Novel, easy to produce and a great hit.</p> - -<p><b>HEY, RUBE!</b>—Monologue, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m. Time 15 m. Reuben -Spinach from Yapton visits Chicago for the first time. The way he tells of -the sights and what befell him would make a sphinx laugh.</p> - -<p><b>IS IT RAINING?</b>—Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m., 1 f. -Time 10 m. Otto Swimorebeer, a German, Susan Fairweather, a friend of -his. This act runs riot with fun, gags, absurdities and comical lines.</p> - -<p><b>MARRIAGE AND AFTER.</b>—Monologue, by Harry L. Newton and A. S. -Hoffman; 1 m. Time about 10 m. A laugh every two seconds on a subject -which appeals to all. Full of local hits.</p> - -<p><b>ME AND MY DOWN TRODDEN SEX.</b>—Old maid monologue, by Harry L. -Newton; 1 f. Time 5 m. Polly has lived long enough to gather a few facts -about men, which are told in the most laughable manner imaginable.</p> - -<p><b>AN OYSTER STEW.</b>—A rapid fire talking act, by Harry L. Newton and -A. S. Hoffman; 2 m. Time 10 m. Dick Tell, a knowing chap. Tom Askit, -not so wise. This act is filled to overflowing with lightning cross-fires, -pointed puns and hot retorts.</p> - -<p><b>PICKLES FOR TWO.</b>—Dutch rapid-fire talking act, by Harry L. Newton -and A. S. Hoffman; 2 m. Time 15 m. Hans, a German mixer. Gus, another -one. Unique ludicrous Dutch dialect, interspersed with rib-starting witticisms. -The style of act made famous by Weber and Field.</p> - -<p><b>THE TROUBLES OF ROZINSKI.</b>—Jew monologue, by Harry L. Newton -and A. S. Hoffman; 1 m. Time 15 m. Rozinski, a buttonhole-maker, is -forced to join the union and go on a “strike.” He has troubles every minute -that will tickle the ribs of both Labor and Capital.</p> - -<p><b>WORDS TO THE WISE.</b>—Monologue, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m. Time -about 15 m. A typical vaudeville talking act, which is fat with funny lines -and rich rare hits that will be remembered and laughed over for weeks.</p> - -<div class="center"><b>T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago<br /></b></div> - - -<hr class="full" /> - -<div class="bbox"> -<div class="adtitle2">DENISON’S ACTING PLAYS.</div> - - -<div class="center"><b>Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given.</b></div> - - - -<div class="center"> -<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Second half of play prices"> -<tr><td align="left"> </td><td align="center">M. </td><td align="center"> F.</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Documentary Evidence, 25 min.</td><td align="right">1</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min.</td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Family Strike, 20 min.</td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">First-Class Hotel, 20 min.</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">For Love and Honor, 20 min.</td><td align="right">2</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">5</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Fun in a Photograph Gallery, 30 min.</td><td align="right">6</td><td align="right">10</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Great Doughnut Corporation, 30 min.</td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">5</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m.</td><td align="right">6</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Great Pumpkin Case, 30 min.</td><td align="right">12</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Hans Von Smash, 30 min.</td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Happy Pair, 25 min.</td><td align="right">1</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">I’m Not Mesilf at All, 25 min.</td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Initiating a Granger, 25 min.</td><td align="right">8</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min.</td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Is the Editor In? 20 min.</td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Kansas Immigrants, 20 min.</td><td align="right">5</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Men Not Wanted, 30 min.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">8</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Mike Donovan’s Courtship, 15 m.</td><td align="right">1</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Mother Goose’s Goslings, 30 m.</td><td align="right">7</td><td align="right">9</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Mrs. Carver’s Fancy Ball, 40 m.</td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Mrs. Stubbins’ Book Agent, 30 min.</td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">My Lord in Livery, 1 hr.</td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">My Neighbor’s Wife, 45 min.</td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">My Turn Next, 45 min.</td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">My Wife’s Relations, 1 hr.</td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">6</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Not a Man in the House, 40 m.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">5</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Obstinate Family, 40 min.</td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Only Cold Tea, 20 min.</td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Outwitting the Colonel, 25 min.</td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Pair of Lunatics, 20 min.</td><td align="right">1</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Patsy O’Wang, 35 min.</td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min.</td><td align="right">6</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min.</td><td align="right">6</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Regular Fix, 35 min.</td><td align="right">6</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Rough Diamond, 40 min.</td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Second Childhood, 15 min.</td><td align="right">2</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Slasher and Crasher, 50 min.</td><td align="right">5</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Taking Father’s Place, 30 min.</td><td align="right">5</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Taming a Tiger, 30 min.</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">That Rascal Pat, 30 min.</td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Those Red Envelopes, 25 min.</td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 min.</td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">6</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Treasure from Egypt, 45 min.</td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Turn Him Out, 35 min.</td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Two Bonnycastles, 45 min.</td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m.</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Two Ghosts in White, 20 min.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">8</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Two of a Kind, 40 min.</td><td align="right">2</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Uncle Dick’s Mistake, 20 min.</td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m.</td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Wanted a Hero, 20 min.</td><td align="right">1</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Which Will He Marry? 20 min.</td><td align="right">2</td><td align="right">8</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Who Is Who? 40 min.</td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Wide Enough for Two, 45 min.</td><td align="right">5</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Wrong Baby, 25 min.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">8</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Yankee Peddler, 1 hr.</td><td align="right">7</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"> </td></tr> -<tr><td align="center" colspan="2"><b>VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES, MONOLOGUES, ETHIOPIAN PLAYS.</b></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"> </td><td align="left">M.</td><td align="left">F.</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Ax’in’ Her Father, 25 min.</td><td align="right">2</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.</td><td align="right">10</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m.</td><td align="right">1</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Cold Finish, 15 min.</td><td align="right">2</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min.</td><td align="right">1</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m.</td><td align="right">14</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Counterfeit Bills, 20 min.</td><td align="right">1</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Doings of a Dude, 20 min.</td><td align="right">2</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Dutch Cocktail, 20 min.</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Five Minutes from Yell College, 15 min.</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">For Reform, 20 min.</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min.</td><td align="right">2</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min.</td><td align="right">1</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Handy Andy (Negro), 12 min.</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Her Hero, 20 min.</td><td align="right">1</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Hey, Rube! 15 min.</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Home Run, 15 min.</td><td align="right">1</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Hot Air, 25 min.</td><td align="right">2</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Jumbo Jum, 30 min.</td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Little Red School House, 20 m.</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Love and Lather, 35 min.</td><td align="right">3</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Marriage and After, 10 min.</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Mischievous Nigger, 25 min.</td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Mistaken Miss, 20 min.</td><td align="right">1</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min.</td><td align="right">1</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Mr. Badger’s Uppers, 40 min.</td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min.</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Oyster Stew, 10 min.</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Pete Yansen’s Gurl’s Moder, 10 min.</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Pickles for Two, 15 min.</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min.</td><td align="right">2</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Prof. Black’s Funnygraph, 15 m.</td><td align="right">6</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Recruiting Office, 15 min.</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Sham Doctor, 10 min.</td><td align="right">4</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Si and I, 15 min.</td><td align="left"> </td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Special Sale, 15 min.</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Stage Struck Darky, 10 min.</td><td align="right">2</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min.</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Time Table, 20 min.</td><td align="right">1</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Tramp and the Actress, 20 min.</td><td align="right">1</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min.</td><td align="right">4</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Two Jay Detectives, 15 min.</td><td align="right">3</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Umbrella Mender, 15 min.</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Uncle Bill at the Vaudeville, 15 min.</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Uncle Jeff, 25 min.</td><td align="right">5</td><td align="right">2</td></tr> -<tr><td align="left">Who Gits de Reward? 30 min.</td><td align="right">5</td><td align="right">1</td></tr> -</table></div> - - -<div class="center">———————————————————————<br /> - -<b>A great number of -Standard and Amateur Plays -not found here are listed in -Denison’s Catalogue.</b><br />———————————————————————<br /> - -<b>T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago</b></div> -</div> -<hr class="full" /> - -<div class="bbox"> -<div class="adtitle2">POPULAR ENTERTAINMENT BOOKS</div> - - -<div class="center"><b>Price, Illustrated Paper Covers,</b></div> - -<div class="figleft" style="width: 196px;"> -<img src="images/i-024.jpg" width="196" height="286" alt="PATRIOTIC CELEBRATIONS cover" /> -</div> - -<p>In this Series -are found -books touching -every feature -in the entertainment -field. -Finely made, -good paper, -clear print and -each book has -an attractive -individual cover -design.</p> - - -<div class="adtitle3">DIALOGUES</div> - -<div class="playlist"> -<b>All Sorts of Dialogues.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Selected, fine for older pupils.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Catchy Comic Dialogues.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">New, clever; for young people.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Children’s Comic Dialogues.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">From six to eleven years of age.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Dialogues from Dickens.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Thirteen selections.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>The Friday Afternoon Dialogues.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">50,000 copies sold.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>From Tots to Teens.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Dialogues and recitations.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Lively Dialogues.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">For all ages; mostly humorous.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>When the Lessons are Over.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Dialogues, drills, plays.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Wide Awake Dialogues.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Brand new, original, successful.</span><br /> -</div> - - -<div class="adtitle3">SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES</div> - -<div class="playlist"> -<b>Choice Pieces for Little People.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">A child’s speaker.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>The Comic Entertainer.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Recitations, monologues, dialogues.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Dialect Readings.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>The Favorite Speaker.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Choice prose and poetry.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>The Friday Afternoon Speaker.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">For pupils of all ages.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Humorous Monologues.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Particularly for ladies.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Monologues for Young Folks.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Clever, humorous, original.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>The Patriotic Speaker.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Master thoughts of masterminds.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>The Poetical Entertainer.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">For reading or speaking.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Pomes ov the Peepul.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Wit, humor, satire; funny poems.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Scrap-Book Recitations.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Choice collections, pathetic, humorous, descriptive,</span><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">prose, poetry. 14 Nos., per No. <b>25c.</b></span><br /> -<br /> -<b>The Best Drill Book.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Very popular drills and marches.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>The Favorite Book of Drills.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Drills that sparkle with originality.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Little Plays With Drills.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">For children from 6 to 11 years.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>The Surprise Drill Book.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Fresh, novel, drills and marches.</span><br /> -</div> - - -<div class="adtitle3">SPECIALTIES</div> - -<div class="playlist"> -<b>The Boys’ Entertainer.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Monologues, dialogues, drills.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Children’s Party Book.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Plans, invitations, decorations, games.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>The Days We Celebrate.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Entertainments for all the holidays.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Good Things for Christmas.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Recitations, dialogues, drills.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>The Little Folks</b>, or <b>Work and Play.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">A gem of a book.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Little Folks’ Budget.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Easy pieces to speak, songs.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>One Hundred Entertainments.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">New parlor diversions, socials.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Patriotic Celebrations.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Great variety of material.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Pranks and Pastimes.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Parlor games for children.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, Charades,</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">and how to prepare.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Tableaux and Scenic Readings.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">New and novel; for all ages.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Twinkling Fingers and Swaying Figures.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">For little tots.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Yuletide Entertainments.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">A choice Christmas collection.</span><br /> -</div> - - -<div class="adtitle3">HAND BOOKS</div> - -<div class="playlist"> -<b>The Debater’s Handbook.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Bound only in cloth, <b>50c.</b></span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Everybody’s Letter Writer.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">A handy manual.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Good Manners.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Etiquette in brief form.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Private Theatricals.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">How to put on plays.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Social Card Games.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Complete in brief form.</span><br /> -</div> - - -<div class="adtitle3">MINSTRELS, JOKES</div> - -<div class="playlist"> -<b>Black American Joker.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Minstrels’ and end men’s gags.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Monologues, stump speeches, etc.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Laughland, via the Ha-Ha Route.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">A merry trip for fun tourists.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>Negro Minstrels.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">All about the business.</span><br /> -<br /> -<b>The New Jolly Jester.</b><br /> -<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc.</span><br /> -</div> - - -<div class="center">———————————————————————<br /> -<b>Large Illustrated Catalogue Free.</b><br /> -———————————————————————<br /> -<b>T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago</b><br /> -</div></div> - -<hr class="full" /> -<div class="tnote"><div class="center"> -<b>Transcriber’s Notes:</b></div> - -<p>Obvious punctuation errors repaired. There was a Library of Congress -sticker over a small part of the back cover’s text. The missing text -was taken from another identical ad in the same series.</p> - -<p>Page 4, “postively” changed to “positively” (I positively decline)</p> - -<p>Page 12, “immediatly” changed to “immediately” (her immediately and ask)</p> - -<p>Page 17, “<span class="smcap">Effe.</span>” changed to “<span class="smcap">Effie.</span>” -(<span class="smcap">Effie.</span> Truly, I wasn’t)</p></div> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's An Uninvited Member, by Elizabeth F. 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