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diff --git a/old/53389-0.txt b/old/53389-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 4c8b3ee..0000000 --- a/old/53389-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1801 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of An Uninvited Member, by Elizabeth F. Guptill - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: An Uninvited Member - A Play for Girls in Two Scenes - -Author: Elizabeth F. Guptill - -Release Date: October 28, 2016 [EBook #53389] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK AN UNINVITED MEMBER *** - - - - -Produced by Emmy, MFR and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive) - - - - - - - - -[Transcriber's Note: Bold text is surrounded by =equal signs= and italic -text is surrounded by _underscores_.] - - -[Illustration] - - NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. - - Amateur Series. - - _Price 15¢_ - - An Uninvited Member - - T. S. DENISON & COMPANY - PUBLISHERS CHICAGO - - - - -DENISON’S ACTING PLAYS. - - -A Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Large Catalogue Free. - -Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given. - -DRAMAS, COMEDIES, ENTERTAINMENTS, Etc. - - M. F. - - After the Game, 2 acts, 1¼ hrs. (25c) 1 9 - All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 4 4 - All That Glitters Is Not Gold, 2 acts, 2 hrs. 6 3 - Altar of Riches, 4 acts, 2½ hrs. (25c) 5 5 - American Hustler, 4 acts, 2½ hrs. (25c) 7 4 - Arabian Nights, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 4 5 - Bank Cashier, 4 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 8 4 - Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 9 3 - Bonnybell, 1 hr. (25c) Optnl. - Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2¼ hrs. (25c) 7 3 - Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 h. (25c) 7 4 - Busy Liar, 3 acts, 2¼ hrs. (25c) 7 4 - Caste, 3 acts, 2½ hrs. 5 3 - Corner Drug Store, 1 hr. (25c) 17 14 - Cricket on the Hearth, 3 acts,1¾ hrs. 7 8 - Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs. 7 4 - Daughter of the Desert, 4 acts, 2¼ hrs. (25c) 6 4 - Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2½ hrs. (25c) 8 4 - East Lynne, 5 acts, 2¼ hrs. 8 7 - Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr. (25c) 10 - Elma, 1¾ hrs. (25c) Optnl. - Enchanted Wood, 1¾ h. (35c) Optnl. - Eulalia, 1½ hrs. (25c) Optnl. - Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 4 4 - From Sumter to Appomattox, 4 acts, 2½ hrs. (25c) 6 2 - Fun on the Podunk Limited, 1½ hrs. (25c) 9 14 - Handy Andy (Irish), 2 acts, 1½ h. 8 2 - Heiress of Hoetown, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 8 4 - High School Freshman, 3 acts, 2 h. (25c) 12 - Home, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 4 3 - Honor of a Cowboy, 4 acts, 2½ hrs. (25c) 13 4 - Iron Hand, 4 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 5 4 - It’s All in the Pay Streak, 3 acts, 1¾ hrs. (25c) 4 3 - Jayville Junction, 1½ hrs. (25c) 14 17 - Jedediah Judkins, J. P., 4 acts, 2½ hrs. (25c) 7 5 - Kingdom of Heart’s Content, 3 acts, 2¼ hrs. (25c) 6 12 - Light Brigade, 40 min. (25c) 10 - Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2¼ hrs. (25c) 7 4 - Lodge of Kye Tyes, 1 hr. (25c) 13 - Lonelyville Social Club, 3 acts, 1½ hrs. (25c) 10 - Louva, the Pauper, 5 acts, 2 h. 9 4 - Man from Borneo, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 5 2 - Man from Nevada, 4 acts, 2½ hrs. (25c) 9 5 - Mirandy’s Minstrels (25c) Optnl. - New Woman, 3 acts, 1 hr. 3 6 - Not Such a Fool as He Looks, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 5 3 - Odds with the Enemy, 4 acts, 1¾ hrs. 7 4 - Old Maid’s Club, 1½ hrs. (25c) 2 16 - Old School at Hick’ry Holler, 1¼ hrs. (25c) 12 9 - Only Daughter, 3 acts, 1¼ hrs. 5 2 - On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 2½ hrs. (25c) 10 4 - Our Boys, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 6 4 - Out in the Streets, 3 acts, 1 hr. 6 4 - Pet of Parson’s Ranch, 5 acts, 2 h. 9 2 - School Ma’am, 4 acts, 1¾ hrs. 6 5 - Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 6 6 - Seth Greenback, 4 acts, 1¼ hrs. 7 3 - Soldier of Fortune, 5 acts, 2½ h. 8 3 - Solon Shingle, 2 acts, 1½ hrs. 7 2 - Sweethearts, 2 acts, 35 min. 2 2 - Ten Nights in a Barroom, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 7 4 - Third Degree, 40 min. (25c) 12 - Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 6 4 - Ticket-of-Leave Man, 4 acts, 2¾ hrs. 8 3 - Tony, The Convict, 5 acts, 2½ hrs. (25c) 7 4 - Topp’s Twins, 4 acts, 2 h. (25c) 6 4 - Trip to Storyland, 1¼ hrs. (25c) 17 23 - Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2¼ hrs. (25c) 8 3 - Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 6 4 - Under the Spell, 4 acts, 2½ hrs. (25c) 7 3 - Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 - - -FARCES, COMEDIETTAS, Etc. - - Under the Spell, 4 acts, 2½ hrs. (25c) 7 3 - April Fools, 30 min. 3 - Assessor, The, 10 min. 3 2 - Aunt Matilda’s Birthday Party, 35 min. 12 - Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 - Bad Job, 30 min. 3 2 - Betsy Baker, 45 min. 2 2 - Billy’s Chorus Girl, 25 mi. 2 3 - Billy’s Mishap, 20 min. 2 3 - Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min. 5 - Borrowing Trouble, 20 min. 3 5 - Box and Cox, 35 min. 2 1 - Cabman No. 93, 40 min. 2 2 - Case Against Casey, 40 min. 23 - Convention of Papas, 25 min. 7 - Country Justice, 15 min. 8 - Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 2 - - T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago - - - - - AN UNINVITED MEMBER - - A PLAY FOR GIRLS IN TWO SCENES - - BY - ELIZABETH F. GUPTILL - - AUTHOR OF - _“Mother Goose’s Goslings” and “A Trip to Storyland”_ - - [Illustration] - - CHICAGO - T. S. DENISON & COMPANY - PUBLISHERS - - - - -AN UNINVITED MEMBER - - -CHARACTERS. - - VIVIAN MASON } - FLORENCE DENNIS } - BETTINA WARREN } _Boarding School Girls from_ - DOROTHY } _Sixteen To Eighteen_ - MAUD ATHERTON } - BEATRICE MORTIMER } - EFFIE WARREN } - HAZEL DENNIS } _Little Girls of Eleven or Twelve_ - MISS DUNHAM _A Teacher_ - MRS. WATERMAN _The Principal_ - -PLACE—_A Boarding School._ - -TIME OF PLAYING—_Thirty-five Minutes._ - - -COSTUMES. - -The teachers tastefully dressed and the girls wear pretty school -dresses suitable to their respective ages. - - - COPYRIGHT, 1912, BY EBEN H. NORRIS. - - - - -AN UNINVITED MEMBER - - - - -SCENE I. - - -SCENE: _It may represent a schoolroom, hall or campus, to suit -the convenience. Entrances right and left or one entrance will be -sufficient._ - -_FLORENCE and VIVIAN enter, arms entwined around each other’s waists, -whispering eagerly. They wear yellow badges with black letters. EFFIE, -a little girl of eleven or twelve, comes tiptoeing up behind, pounces -on the entwined arms and cries “Boo!” Girls jump and shriek slightly, -then confront EFFIE indignantly._ - -FLORENCE. Effie Warren, you’re a perfect little nuisance! - -EFFIE (_mimicking her_). Florence Dennis, you’re a perfect big nuisance! - -VIVIAN. How long had you been there behind us? - -EFFIE. Not under two seconds and not exceeding two hours, Miss Vivian. -Sorry I cannot tell any closer, but I left my watch at home on the -piano, and two hundred miles is a bit too far to run before prayer time. - -FLORENCE. Did you hear what we said? - -EFFIE. Don’t you wish you knew? - -VIVIAN. Did you, Effie? - -EFFIE. What’ll you give me not to tell, Miss Mason? - -FLORENCE. A box of chocolates. - -EFFIE. Goody! Then I won’t tell. But when will you give it to me? - -VIVIAN. Run away, Effie. Florence doesn’t carry chocolates to prayers. - -EFFIE. I suppose not. “I shall be obliged to confiscate these, young -ladies (_very primly_), although it distresses me very much to be -obliged to do so.” Oh, Florence, what’s your badge for? S. O. M. F. Is -it a new society, and can’t I join? - -FLORENCE. Yes, Effie, it’s a new society. No, you can’t join. - -EFFIE Why can’t I? - -VIVIAN. You are much too young and giddy (frivolous, I should say) to -understand the high motives and lofty ideals of the S. O. M. F. You -don’t even know who Socrates was. - -EFFIE No; but I know he’s nothing to do with your society or you’d -never have mentioned his name. I’m not quite a baby, Miss Vivian, if my -dresses aren’t down to my ankles. My ankles aren’t so big I’m ashamed -to show ’em, either! S. O.—Society Of—oh, I’ll find out your old secret -yet! - -FLORENCE. Effie, you’re a perfect terror. (_Calling._) Betty! Betty! - -_Enter BETTY._ - -BETTY. Oh, what is it? - -FLORENCE. If you have any faint remnant of regard for that small sister -of yours, rescue her before I fall upon her with evil intent and commit -a fell and awful murder with malice aforethought. - -BETTY. Justifiable homicide, I should call it. What’s the kidlet been -doing now? - -EFFIE (_indignantly_). Kidlet yourself, Bettina Warren! Oh, Betty, -you’ve got a badge, too! Do tell me what S. O. M. F. means. I’m dying -to know! - -_Enter LILLIAN._ - -LILLIAN. Cheer up, Effie, we’ll all come to the wake. - -_Enter MAUDE and BEATRICE, arms entwined._ - -MAUDE. To whose wake? - -BEATRICE. Are any of you girls going to commit suicide? If so, count me -out. I positively decline. - -BETTY. It’s only my small sister here—no one that counts. - -EFFIE. Don’t I? You may find out yet, Miss Bettina. You think you’re so -grown-up! - -LILLIAN. What you dying of, Effie? Unrequited affection for the -butcher’s boy? - -EFFIE. No, nor for the Professor’s boy, either. - -MAUDE. Good for you, Effie! Oh, Lil! - -LILLIAN. Saucy little bunch! Betty, why don’t you make that kid behave? - -EFFIE. Kid yourself! I’d like to see her try it! - -BETTY. I would not. Effie’s dying of unrequited curiosity, Lil. - -BEATRICE. Did you ever hear of Mother Eve, Effie? - -EFFIE. Yes, I have! And of Pandora, and Meddlesome Matty, and Curious -Carrie, and Bee Mortimer, and so on. - -FLORENCE. Effie, you’ll surely be an old maid, your tongue is so sharp. - -EFFIE. Hope I will. I wouldn’t marry one of those soft, squashy, mushy -academy boys you girls are so soft on for anything. I’d rather have a -cat and a parrot. _They_ know something, anyway. And I’m going to find -out what those letters stand for. S. O.—Society Of—M—Monkey—F—Fools. - -GIRLS (_in chorus_). The idea! - -BETTY. You’re a first rate guesser, Effie. You don’t want to be a -monkey fool, do you? - -EFFIE. Oh, I’ll guess it right yet. You see! - -BETTY. I do believe she will, girls. She’s a perfect terror at finding -out things she ought not to know. - -VIVIAN. An investigating mind, hey? - -FLORENCE. Look out, Vivian! If Miss Dunham hears you say “hey” she’ll -give you another imposition. - -VIVIAN. Who cares for Old Dunham? I’ll say “hey” when I please, and -straw, too, for all her! - -BEATRICE. Say, girls, I met her this morning and she put out her left -hand to stop me—you know her way. - -EFFIE (_mimicking_). Just so! - -BEATRICE. Exactly, Effie. And she said, “Isn’t that a rather -conspicuous badge, Miss Mortimer?” - -MAUDE. What did you say, Bee? - -BEATRICE. I looked down at it as if I was just being introduced to -it, and answered modestly, “Is it, Miss Dunham?” Then she read the -letters slowly, but with as much curiosity as Effie here, and said, -“S—O—M—F—Society of Moonlight Flirts.” (_GIRLS shriek with laughter._) - -LILLIAN. Pretty good for Dunham. Oh, why hadn’t _we_ thought of that? - -VIVIAN. Really, that’s a great name. - -FLORENCE. Beats ours all hollow. - -BETTY. That’s even better than Effie’s “Monkey Fools.” - -MAUDE. Better join forces with Dunham, Effie, and ferret out that -secret. - -BEATRICE. You might call yourselves the “S. O. C. P.,” Effie. - -EFFIE. What’s that? - -BEATRICE. Society of Curious Pryers. - -EFFIE. Thanks. I shan’t join forces with the enemy, but I’m going to -find out what those letters stand for, and don’t you forget it. You’d -better tell me and let me join. - -MAUDE. Well, you see, Effie, the membership is limited to seven—the -mystic number. - -EFFIE (_counting badges_). Betty, one; Maude, two; Lil, three; Bee, -four; Floss, five; Vivian, six; Effie, seven. That just makes it. - -VIVIAN. But Dorothy’s to be number seven, Effie. - -EFFIE. Pooh! I saw Dorothy this morning, myself, and she hadn’t a sign -of a badge. - -FLORENCE (_taking badge from book_). Well, she’ll have this one when I -see her again. - -EFFIE. Oh, give it to me, Floss—do! - -FLORENCE. I can’t Effie, truly. It’s promised to Dorothy. - -EFFIE. Make me number eight, then. - -BETTY. No. That will spoil it. Go get up a society of your own with -Hazel and Helen and Marjorie. - -FLORENCE. I’ll paint your badges, Effie, and never ask what the letters -stand for. - -EFFIE. Can’t switch me off that way. I’m going to find out about that -S. O. M. F. of yours, and I’m going to join. You’ll see! (_Snatches -badge from FLORENCE’S hand and runs off with it. GIRLS start to chase -her._) - -_Enter MISS DUNHAM._ - -MISS DUNHAM (_putting out left hand_). Stay, young ladies, the chapel -is in the other direction. - -LILLIAN. But— - -MISS DUNHAM. No excuses, please. The bell has rung for prayers. - -MAUDE. Mayn’t I— - -MISS DUNHAM. If you mean may I not, Miss Atherton, say so. - -MAUDE. May I not— - -MISS DUNHAM. Certainly not. Whatever you wish to do, you must wait -until after prayers. (_BETTY attempts to sneak off but is promptly -recalled._) Miss Warren, I shall report you for insubordination and you -will do one hundred lines after school. - -FLORENCE (_aside_). Oh, ye gods and little fishes! - -MISS DUNHAM. Miss Dennis, I shall report you for profanity. I have -remarked before on your flippant manner of conversation. Two hundred -lines, please. Come, young ladies, we’ll all be late to prayers. -(_Ushers them all before her in opposite direction to that taken by -EFFIE._) - -_When all have disappeared EFFIE re-enters, pins on badge and capers -around._ - -EFFIE. S. O. M. F.—Society of—that much is easy. -M—Monkey—Moonlight—Morning—Midnight—oh, I bet that’s it. Society of -Midnight. F—Fools—Flowers—Feasters. Oh, ho! I’ve got it. S. O. M. -F.—Society of Midnight Feasters! Bee got a box from home yesterday. -Well, you can just bet little Effie’s going to join and attend the -first meeting. Now to learn where it’s to be. - -_Enter HAZEL._ - -HAZEL. Hurry up, Effie; you’ll be late to prayers. (_Sees badge._) Why, -Effie Warren, where’d you get that? - -EFFIE (_softly_). Don’t be inquisitive, Hazel. That’s the badge of a -new society within this Select Seminary for Young Ladies. - -HAZEL. Well, you don’t belong. It’s for the big girls. - -EFFIE. Doesn’t this look like it? My sister’s a member. - -HAZEL. So’s mine, but she wouldn’t even tell me what S. O. M. F. stood -for. (_Coaxingly._) Won’t you, Effie dear? - -EFFIE. The idea, Hazel Dennis! Don’t you know I musn’t? It wouldn’t be -honorable. I’m surprised at you! - -HAZEL. H’m! Think you’re awful big, don’t you? I know your old -password, anyway. - -EFFIE. Bet you don’t! - -HAZEL. Well, I do. I heard Vivian tell Floss. She said: “Tonight in -Lil and Bee’s room, at the witching hour. Open sesame—Bx!” So there, -now! Seems as if you might have found an English word instead of that -Russian thing. - -EFFIE. Well, I don’t know what they meant at all. Our password is not -Russian at all, but English. You’re way off. There goes second bell. - -HAZEL. Aren’t you coming? - -EFFIE. Not just now. (_HAZEL runs out._) Bx! That’s Russian for box, I -suppose. And tonight at midnight! I’ll be there. Oh, yes. Won’t it be -fun to see the girls’ faces! Here goes for chapel. (_Runs out._) - - CURTAIN. - - - - -SCENE II. - - -SCENE: _A bedroom in a boarding school. One door, may be either right, -left or center, to suit convenience of stage. A box couch at one side, -a bed at the other. A table near center with a motley collection of -food upon it. FLORENCE, VIVIAN, LILLIAN, BEATRICE and MAUDE sitting -around in various schoolgirl positions. BEE jumps up and begins to -re-arrange table. LILLIAN is seated near door. A light knock heard. She -opens door a crack. BETTY hisses “Bx!” and is admitted._ - -FLORENCE. Why wear such a sad and solemn face, Bettina? - -BETTY. I can’t find Effie anywhere. - -FLORENCE. I can, then. - -BETTY. Oh, where is she, Floss? I was in the library, reading up for -my essay, and stayed overtime. Of course the omnipresent Dunham had to -meander down the corridor as I was hiking for my room, and I got an -impo. - -VIVIAN. You’d have got two, Betty mine, if the very precise and proper -Dunham had heard you make use of that very expressive and slangy verb -“to hike.” - -BETTY. Well, when I got to my room Effie wasn’t there. I thought she -was hiding and hunted everywhere. But she just wasn’t there. - -FLORENCE. Had you looked in mine you’d have found her in bed with -Hazel. I room with you tonight. I got permission from Mrs. Waterman -herself to exchange for tonight. - -BETTY. How? - -FLORENCE. In ways best kept secret. An’ ye love me, ask me no -questions, I pray thee. - -BEATRICE. Where’s the dragon, Betsy Bobbet? Do you know? - -BETTY. Sound asleep in her room, I suppose. - -MAUDE. Kindly let her remain there. - -BETTY. If she only _will_, Maudie. I shan’t drag her forth. - -LILLIAN. All here. Time for initiation. Bring the prisoner forward. - -_VIVIAN and MAUDE go behind a screen and come out leading DOROTHY, who -is blindfolded. They place her before LILLIAN._ - -LILLIAN. Sisters in mystery, behold before you the aspiring maiden who -rashly dared to seek admittance to our select circle. - -DOROTHY. I never, Lil Norton. You invited me yourself. - -LILLIAN. Does the rash prisoner dare to speak unbidden? Guard—the -penalty. (_FLORENCE passes a bottle of pepper sauce._) Put out thy bold -and audacious tongue, varlet. - -DOROTHY. I shan’t. - -VIVIAN. You must, Dorothy. - -MAUDE. Oh, go ahead, Dot. She’s put us all through this before. - -DOROTHY (_hesitatingly_). Well, what is it? - -BETTY. Fire—liquid fire. - -BEATRICE. ’Twon’t hurt you, Doto. - -DOROTHY. Well—(_puts out tongue, draws it back. Does it several times. -At last LILLIAN succeeds in putting pepper sauce on it. DOROTHY -covering mouth with hands._) Whew! That burns like— - -BEATRICE. Water—only water, I assure you. Drawn from the northeast -corner of the deepest well in Byfield. - -LILLIAN. If the taste doesn’t appeal to you, don’t answer this august -tribunal with back talk. Now for your kittychasm. Answer promptly and -respectfully. What is your father? - -DOROTHY. A doctor. - -LILLIAN. Her father is the undertaker’s partner, girls. - -DOROTHY (_indignantly_). No such thing! - -LILLIAN. Don’t the undertaker bury the ones he kills for him? - -DOROTHY. The idea, Lil Norton! He doesn’t kill people. - -LILLIAN. Then all his patients recover? - -DOROTHY. Well, no, of course, not all. - -LILLIAN. Then they die? - -DOROTHY. Sometimes, of course. - -LILLIAN. Then don’t try to hide from us who his partner is. Perhaps in -your town they don’t bury the doctor’s victims. Do they cremate them, -or mummify them, or simply pickle them? - -DOROTHY. Don’t, Lil. That’s horrid! They bury them, of course. - -LILLIAN. Oh, you perceive, friends, that the culprit has acknowledged -that the learned doctor does have victims. Here is a serious question -for you. Shall we admit the daughter of a murderer to our learned and -elegant society? - -DOROTHY. If you are going to insult my father, Lil Norton, I don’t want -to join your old society. - -LILLIAN. Is the candidate getting touchy? Smooth her ruffled feelings, -guards. (_GIRLS smooth DOROTHY vigorously._) - -DOROTHY. There! That will do. My feelings aren’t ruffled any more. - -LILLIAN. Drop the candidate’s paternal parent with a sharp thud. (_BEE -drops a book._) He is dropped. We will proceed. Miss Mason, you may -take up the cross-examination. - -VIVIAN. Does your mother ever wash her face? - -DOROTHY. Of course. - -VIVIAN. Is it seemly, sisters, to admit to our circle the daughter of a -washerwoman? - -DOROTHY. My mother isn’t a washerwoman, Vivian Mason! - -VIVIAN. Please confine your statements to the truth, the whole truth -and nothing but the truth. Are we to understand that your mother never -washes her face? - -DOROTHY. Of course she does. She isn’t a pig. - -VIVIAN. Will the ladies please make a mental note of the candidate’s -last statement for future reference? Her mother _isn’t_ a pig! Then we -are to understand that your mother, being neither a pig nor a woman, is -a man? How passing strange! Does she wear a beard? - -DOROTHY. No, she doesn’t, and she isn’t a man. - -VIVIAN. Third person, singular number, neuter gender. Miss Dennis, your -turn. - -FLORENCE. How old is your grandmother’s cat? - -DOROTHY. She hasn’t got a cat. - -FLORENCE. So the poor old lady can’t afford to keep a cat! Does she -reside in the poorhouse, or has she a tumble-down hovel of her own? - -DOROTHY. Neither. - -FLORENCE. You don’t mean that she’s a beggar on the the street, I hope? - -DOROTHY. No, I don’t. - -FLORENCE. Then please tell this assembly exactly how and where she does -live. - -DOROTHY. She doesn’t. Both my grandmothers died years ago. One before -I was born. The other immediately after. - -FLORENCE. Oh, Dot, were you as homely as that? She killed her own -grandmothers. I’ve no more to ask. Proceed with the inquisition, Miss -Mortimer, while I recover from the effects of the shock. A pickle, -please. - -BEATRICE. No; no pickles yet. The smelling salts are—somewhere. (_To -DOROTHY._) When and where were you born? - -DOROTHY. In Boston, May 1, ——. (_Insert date to fit age of girl taking -the part._) - -BEATRICE. What day of the week? - -DOROTHY. Sunday. - -BEATRICE. Ladies, she’s a Sabbath breaker. Very poor taste, to say the -least, to work the stork express on Sunday. The hour of the day? - -DOROTHY. Really, I don’t know. Does it matter? - -BEATRICE. Does it matter? Certainly it matters. If you can’t tell when -you were born, you can’t prove you were born at all, and if, like -Topsy, you “just growed,” you certainly cannot be admitted to this -select society, every member of which was born. - -DOROTHY (_laughing_). Don’t be silly, Bee! Of course I was born. - -BEATRICE. Were you present at the occasion? - -DOROTHY. Sure! But I don’t remember much about it. - -BEATRICE. Was your mother present? - -DOROTHY. I suppose she was. - -BEATRICE. Suppose! Write to her immediately and ask her if you were -born. She may know, and it is very essential. Miss Warren, it is your -turn. - -BETTY. Let us drop family matters, since they appear so disgraceful, -and find out if the candidate’s mental achievements are such as entitle -her to admission to our select association. Can you read? - -DOROTHY. I think so. - -BETTY (_putting a book in her hand_). Read this, please, aloud, -slowly, and with expression. Begin at the place marked and read seven -paragraphs. (_DOROTHY attempts to pull bandage from eyes. GIRLS prevent -her._) - -DOROTHY. I can’t read with this on my eyes! - -BETTY (_taking book_). I feared it. Ladies, the candidate, by her own -admission, cannot read. Can you write? - -DOROTHY. Yes, I can do that blindfold, I think. - -BETTY. Very well. Here are pencil and paper. Write your name, please, -if you know it. Also the name of this delightful Alma Mater of ours. -(_DOROTHY starts to write._ GIRLS jog her elbow and move her paper -around._) - -DOROTHY. I can’t write if you girls— - -GIRLS (_in chorus_). She can’t write! She can’t write! She said so! - -BETTY (_taking pencil_). Sad, sad indeed! Do you know your letters? - -DOROTHY. Probably not, according to you. You’re worse than Miss Dunham. - -BETTY. Try. Say your letters for the ladies, dear. - -DOROTHY. A, b, c, d, e— - -BETTY. Hold on! That isn’t the way! - -DOROTHY. Well, z, y, x, w— - -BETTY. No, no! Say them correctly. - -DOROTHY. Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta— - -BETTY. What gibberish! Say them in English. - -DOROTHY. I did, but you wouldn’t let me go on. - -BETTY. Begin again. - -DOROTHY. A, b, c— - -BETTY. No, no! - -DOROTHY. Well, how shall I say ’em? - -BETTY. One at a time. - -DOROTHY. All right. A. - -BETTY. Correct. Proceed. - -DOROTHY. B. - -BEATRICE. Yes? What do you want? - -DOROTHY. I didn’t want you. C. - -BETTY. See what? - -DOROTHY. A lot of idiots, I should say. D. - -MAUDE. That’s what she calls Bert, I suppose. Her dee boy. - -DOROTHY. Oh, dry up, Maude. E. - -BETTY. I regret to say that the candidate doesn’t know her letters. She -hasn’t given the definition of A yet. - -DOROTHY. Well, what is the definition of A? - -BETTY. I am asking questions, not answering them. One more trial. Can -you define A? - -DOROTHY. No, I can’t and I don’t want to. - -BETTY. I am overcome at the thought of such ignorance. Miss Atherton -may finish the kittychasm. - -MAUDE. Can you do arithmetic? Add one cat, two dogs, three bears and a -lion. - -DOROTHY. Seven animals. - -MAUDE. Wrong. - -DOROTHY. One, then—the lion. - -MAUDE. That’s not addition; that’s subtraction. - -DOROTHY. No, because they’d all be added to the lion. - -MAUDE. Wrong. The correct answer is, a big row. Can you do -multiplication? Do you know your times table? - -DOROTHY. I think so. - -MAUDE. How many times have you been kissed? - -DOROTHY. What a question? - -MAUDE. I will make it simpler. How many times were you kissed by -a—er—young man? Bert, for instance? - -DOROTHY. The idea, Maude Atherton! I shan’t answer another question. - -MAUDE. The defendant pleads guilty. The last question is answered. -Kneel. (_DOROTHY kneels._) Look up. (_DOROTHY does so. LILLIAN throws -water in her face Dorothy gasps. GIRLS laugh. Another laugh is heard._) - -LILLIAN. What was that? - -BEATRICE. What? - -BETTY (_pointing_). Girls, look! - -_All look. See EFFIE peeping from raised lid of box couch. As they rush -toward her she throws it back and jumps out._ - -BEATRICE. Effie Warren, you dreadful child. How did you get here? - -EFFIE. Been here all the time. Came while you and Lil were squeezing -lemons in the dressing-room. Sorry to disturb you before the initiation -was over, but you asked such a heap of foolish questions, and its -stuffy in there. Besides, I was hungry. (_Makes a dive for the table, -grabs a cream cake and a pickle and begins to munch._) - -BEATRICE. Effie Warren, you go straight back to your room! - -EFFIE. If I do I’ll send Miss Dunham up here. - -LILLIAN. Effie, you wouldn’t be so mean! - -EFFIE. I would if you were mean enough to turn me out without my share -of the spread. - -BEATRICE. Your share! Well, I call that cool. You weren’t invited. - -EFFIE. Perhaps not, but I’m a member of the S. O. M. F., which means -Society of Midnight Feasters, and I know the password—Bx! See my badge? - -BETTY. Oh, Effie, you’re a regular Paul Pry. What shall we do, girls? - -BEATRICE. Eat and decide afterward. See the young gourmand stuff. - -EFFIE. Yes, it’s a first rate spread. (_All begin to eat. Intersperse -remarks such as “Pass the pickles,” “Isn’t this great,” etc. The knob -of the door rattles loudly. All pause in dismay._) - -VOICE (_from without_). Miss Norton! Miss Mortimer! Young ladies. (_No -response._) Miss Norton! Miss Mortimer! (_Loud rapping._) Open this -door! (_A pause._) Do you intend to obey? Very well, I shall fetch Mrs. -Waterman. (_Steps recede._) - -BEATRICE. Scoot, girls, quick! - -BETTY. We don’t dare. She’s probably waiting a little way down the -corridor. - -LILLIAN. What shall we do? - -FLORENCE. You and Lil get into bed quick. The rest of us will hide. -Effie, you’re little and spry, you blow out the candle and unlock the -door. Then get back into your former hiding place. - -EFFIE. All right. - -_LILLIAN and BEE scramble into bed, DOROTHY and BETTY hide behind -screen, FLORENCE, VIVIAN and MAUDE dive under bed. EFFIE unlocks door, -calmly fills her hands and apron with goodies and gets into the box -couch. Someone knocks twice, then door opens and MRS. WATERMAN enters._ - -MRS. WATERMAN. Lillian! Beatrice! (_No answer. She lights lamp and -looks around her, advances to bed, holds lamp high._) Lillian! -Beatrice! (_Still no answer. GIRLS appear to be asleep. She gives a -quick glance behind screen, then seats herself near table, occasionally -glaring at or beneath the bed. Talks aloud to herself._) Well, I think -Miss Dunham must have been mistaken as to the number of voices she -heard. No one here but Beatrice and Lillian and they sound asleep. I -suppose their brains are weary from over study. (_Looks at table._) -I suppose this is the contents of Beatrice’s box. Spread out to see -how much show it would make, I presume. A midnight feast, Miss Dunham -seemed to think, but this seems hardly touched. I believe I’ll try a -glass of that lemonade. How prodigal of Beatrice to make up so much -at once. Doesn’t she know it won’t be nearly so good in the morning? -(_Pours out lemonade and sips it._) Delicious, I’m sure, and I believe -a slice of that cake would be nice. (_Takes it and tastes._) Ah, what -an excellent cook Mrs. Mortimer is and what a delicate, refined little -lady. I’m glad she has brought up her daughter to be sensible and -keep her goodies for morning, when they’ll be digestible. I told Miss -Dunham she was mistaken. Beatrice and Lillian are both too fond of me -to grieve me by such a flagrant breach of rules. I told her she might -go to bed and I’d go the rounds and see who was missing. It seems -unnecessary now, however. (_BETTY gives a slight cough, immediately -suppressed. MRS. MORTIMER looks toward bed._) There, Lillian has taken -cold again. Her chest is so delicate. She must take a bottle of cod -liver oil, I think. I’ll give her some in the morning. These things -ought not to remain here, they’ll attract the rats. Let me see, there’s -that clothes hamper. I’ll pack them in that and take them to my room -for safe keeping. I presume Beatrice will be asking permission to have -a party tomorrow afternoon or evening. Let’s see. I believe I can guess -whom she will ask, even. Betty and Maude, Florence and Vivian and -Dorothy. “We are Seven,” and where one is, behold the other six. Dear -girls, I wonder if they know how truly I have their interests at heart, -and how well I love them all. (_Packs basket, commenting on food. As -she rises from packing last of it, her eyes meet EFFIE’S, peeping -out from couch. EFFIE dodges back, MRS. W. advances, lifts cover and -motions her to get out._) Why, Effie Warren! This is a surprise. How -did you come in there? - -EFFIE. I hid when I heard you coming. - -MRS. W. But how came you here at all? What are you doing in a room -belonging to two large girls, when those two girls are abed and asleep? - -EFFIE. Well, they didn’t want me and I just came. - -MRS. W. And you have been eating Bee’s goodies! Oh, what a pig! Did Bee -give any of these to you? - -EFFIE. No’m, but— - -MRS. W. What do we call it when one person takes another’s goods -without their knowledge or permission? - -EFFIE. Truly, I wasn’t stealing, Mrs. Waterman. The idea! I wouldn’t! -Besides they did know. - -MRS. W. And said you might? - -EFFIE. N—no. But it wasn’t stealing. - -MRS. W. Robbery, then, if you like that any better. A little girl who -forces herself on those who do not wish her company is very bold and -forward, indeed. How much have you eaten, Effie? - -EFFIE. Two cream cakes, three tarts, two pickles, a hunk of nutcake, a -piece of pie, some macaroons. I guess that’s all. - -MRS. W. I should hope so. Come with me to my room and have a dose of -castor oil, and then go back to bed with Hazel as quickly as possible. - -EFFIE. I don’t need any castor oil, Mrs. Waterman. - -MRS. W. Indeed you do, after eating all of that in the middle of the -night. Here, help me carry this hamper. (_They go out and close door. -GIRLS come out from hiding places._) - -VIVIAN. Oh, I’m so cramped. Floss and Maude did crowd so! - -MAUDE. Crowd! I was way at the back, _being_ crowded. ’Twas Floss. - -FLORENCE. Well, I was right in front and I was sure she could see me. - -DOROTHY. And Betty coughed. - -LILLIAN. Yes, and _I’ll_ have to take cod liver oil to cure it. - -BEATRICE. Do you suppose she’ll make you? - -LILLIAN. Of course. I can’t say it was Betty, can I? Besides, she has -been saying I ought. - -BETTY. Girls, she knew we were there! - -DOROTHY. I believe she did! - -MAUDE. And talked for our benefit. - -FLORENCE. Made us feel pretty small, too. I’m glad she got Effie, -anyway. She did feel so big at getting the best of it. - -BETTY. Say, girls, let’s make a clean breast of it and tell her we’re -sorry. (_Tears off badge._) No more midnight feasts for me! - -BEATRICE. Nor me. Girls, S. O. M. F. is disbanded. - -FLORENCE. And nobody had a feast after all but that troublesome little -Effie. - -VIVIAN. And she’ll pay for hers. - -BETTY. Indeed she will. No one can coax, hire, threaten or force her to -take castor oil at home. - -BEATRICE. She was a little trump, though, and never tattled a bit. -Stood her sermon like a little martyr. Let’s change our society to one -where we needn’t sneak, and let Effie join. - -FLORENCE. So we will. Now, girls, let’s run, and in the morning we’ll -’fess. We do think a lot of Mrs. Waterman, and we’ll prove it. - -VIVIAN. Think of her sending Dunham to bed. _She’d_ have delighted in -dragging us out one by one. - -LILLIAN. Yes, and we’d have been defiant and saucy and in no end of a -mess. - -DOROTHY. And have done it all over as soon as possible, whereas now— - -BEATRICE. Now we solemnly promise to abjure midnight feasting for a -year and a day. Unpin badges. (_All do so._) March around and lay them -on table. (_All do so._) I hereby declare the S. O. M. F. disbanded and -solemnly bury the regalia. (_Opens top drawer of bureau, puts badges in -and covers them, then closes drawer._) Goodnight, sisters in mystery. -(_The girls all go out but LILLIAN and BEATRICE._) - -BEATRICE (_as curtain falls_). I expected she’d feel my pulse to see if -I was feverish, my face burned so while she talked. - -LILLIAN. And to think Effie was the only active member of the S. O. M. -F. after all! - - CURTAIN. - - - - -_Denison’s Vaudeville Sketches_ - -Price, 15 Cents Each, Postpaid. - - -[Illustration] - -Nearly all of these sketches were written for professionals and have -been given with great success by vaudeville artists of note. They are -essentially dramatic and very funny; up-to-date comedy. They are not -recommended for church entertainments; however, they contain nothing -that will offend, and are all within the range of amateurs. - -=DOINGS OF A DUDE.=—Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 2 m., 1 f. -Time 20 m. _Scene_: Simple interior. Maizy Von Billion of athletic -tendencies is expecting a boxing instructor and has procured Bloody -Mike, a prize fighter, to “try him out.” Percy Montmorency, her -sister’s ping pong teacher, is mistaken for the boxing instructor and -has a “trying out” that is a surprise. A whirlwind of fun and action. - -=FRESH TIMOTHY HAY.=—Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 2 m., 1 f. -Time 20 m. _Scene_: Simple rural exterior. By terms of a will, Rose -Lark must marry Reed Bird or forfeit a legacy. Rose and Reed have never -met and when he arrives Timothy Hay, a fresh farm hand, mistakes him -for Pink Eye Pete, a notorious thief. Ludicrous lines and rapid action. - -=GLICKMAN, THE GLAZIER.=—Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton and A. -S. Hoffman; 1 m., 1 f. Time 25 m. _Scene_: Simple interior. Charlotte -Russe, an actress, is scored by a dramatic paper. With “blood in her -eye” she seeks the critic at the office, finds no one in and smashes a -window. Jacob Glickman, a Hebrew glazier, rushes in and is mistaken for -the critic. Fun, jokes, gags and action follow with lightning rapidity. -A great Jew part. - -=THE GODDESS OF LOVE.=—Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m., 1 -f. Time 15 m. _Scene_: Simple exterior. Aphrodite, a Greek goddess, is -a statue in the park. According to tradition a gold ring placed upon -her finger will bring her to life. Knott Jones, a tramp, who had slept -in the park all night, brings her to life. A rare combination of the -beautiful and the best of comedy. Novel, easy to produce and a great -hit. - -=HEY, RUBE!=—Monologue, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m. Time 15 m. Reuben -Spinach from Yapton visits Chicago for the first time. The way he tells -of the sights and what befell him would make a sphinx laugh. - -=IS IT RAINING?=—Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m., 1 f. Time -10 m. Otto Swimorebeer, a German, Susan Fairweather, a friend of his. -This act runs riot with fun, gags, absurdities and comical lines. - -=MARRIAGE AND AFTER.=—Monologue, by Harry L. Newton and A. S. Hoffman; -1 m. Time about 10 m. A laugh every two seconds on a subject which -appeals to all. Full of local hits. - -=ME AND MY DOWN TRODDEN SEX.=—Old maid monologue, by Harry L. Newton; -1 f. Time 5 m. Polly has lived long enough to gather a few facts about -men, which are told in the most laughable manner imaginable. - -=AN OYSTER STEW.=—A rapid fire talking act, by Harry L. Newton and A. -S. Hoffman; 2 m. Time 10 m. Dick Tell, a knowing chap. Tom Askit, not -so wise. This act is filled to overflowing with lightning cross-fires, -pointed puns and hot retorts. - -=PICKLES FOR TWO.=—Dutch rapid-fire talking act, by Harry L. Newton -and A. S. Hoffman; 2 m. Time 15 m. Hans, a German mixer. Gus, another -one. Unique ludicrous Dutch dialect, interspersed with rib-starting -witticisms. The style of act made famous by Weber and Field. - -=THE TROUBLES OF ROZINSKI.=—Jew monologue, by Harry L. Newton and A. -S. Hoffman; 1 m. Time 15 m. Rozinski, a buttonhole-maker, is forced to -join the union and go on a “strike.” He has troubles every minute that -will tickle the ribs of both Labor and Capital. - -=WORDS TO THE WISE.=—Monologue, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m. Time about 15 -m. A typical vaudeville talking act, which is fat with funny lines and -rich rare hits that will be remembered and laughed over for weeks. - - T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago - - - - -DENISON’S ACTING PLAYS. - - -Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given. - - M. F. - Documentary Evidence, 25 min. 1 1 - Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min. 4 2 - Family Strike, 20 min. 3 3 - First-Class Hotel, 20 min. 4 - For Love and Honor, 20 min. 2 1 - Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min. 5 - Fun in a Photograph Gallery, 30 min. 6 10 - Great Doughnut Corporation, 30 min. 3 5 - Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 - Great Pumpkin Case, 30 min. 12 - Hans Von Smash, 30 min. 4 3 - Happy Pair, 25 min. 1 1 - I’m Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 - Initiating a Granger, 25 min. 8 - Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min. 3 3 - Is the Editor In? 20 min. 4 2 - Kansas Immigrants, 20 min. 5 1 - Men Not Wanted, 30 min. 8 - Mike Donovan’s Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 - Mother Goose’s Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 - Mrs. Carver’s Fancy Ball, 40 m. 4 3 - Mrs. Stubbins’ Book Agent, 30 min. 3 2 - My Lord in Livery, 1 hr. 4 3 - My Neighbor’s Wife, 45 min. 3 3 - My Turn Next, 45 min. 4 3 - My Wife’s Relations, 1 hr. 4 6 - Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 - Obstinate Family, 40 min. 3 3 - Only Cold Tea, 20 min. 3 3 - Outwitting the Colonel, 25 min. 3 2 - Pair of Lunatics, 20 min. 1 1 - Patsy O’Wang, 35 min. 4 3 - Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min. 6 2 - Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min. 6 3 - Regular Fix, 35 min. 6 4 - Rough Diamond, 40 min. 4 3 - Second Childhood, 15 min. 2 2 - Slasher and Crasher, 50 min. 5 2 - Taking Father’s Place, 30 min. 5 3 - Taming a Tiger, 30 min. 3 - That Rascal Pat, 30 min. 3 2 - Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4 - Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 min. 3 6 - Treasure from Egypt, 45 min. 4 1 - Turn Him Out, 35 min. 3 2 - Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m. 4 - Two Bonnycastles, 45 min. 3 3 - Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 - Two Ghosts in White, 20 min. 8 - Two of a Kind, 40 min. 2 3 - Uncle Dick’s Mistake, 20 min. 3 2 - Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 - Wanted a Hero, 20 min. 1 1 - Which Will He Marry? 20 min. 2 8 - Who Is Who? 40 min. 3 2 - Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 - Wrong Baby, 25 min. 8 - Yankee Peddler, 1 hr. 7 3 - - -VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES, MONOLOGUES, ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. - - M. F. - Ax’in’ Her Father, 25 min. 2 3 - Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m. 10 - Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. 1 1 - Cold Finish, 15 min. 2 1 - Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min. 1 1 - Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m. 14 - Counterfeit Bills, 20 min. 1 1 - Doings of a Dude, 20 min. 2 1 - Dutch Cocktail, 20 min. 2 - Five Minutes from Yell College, 15 min. 2 - For Reform, 20 min. 4 - Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min. 2 1 - Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min. 1 1 - Handy Andy (Negro), 12 min. 2 - Her Hero, 20 min. 1 1 - Hey, Rube! 15 min. 1 - Home Run, 15 min. 1 1 - Hot Air, 25 min. 2 1 - Jumbo Jum, 30 min. 4 3 - Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 - Love and Lather, 35 min. 3 2 - Marriage and After, 10 min. 1 - Mischievous Nigger, 25 min. 4 2 - Mistaken Miss, 20 min. 1 1 - Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min. 1 1 - Mr. Badger’s Uppers, 40 min. 4 2 - One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 - Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min. 4 - Oyster Stew, 10 min. 2 - Pete Yansen’s Gurl’s Moder, 10 min. 1 - Pickles for Two, 15 min. 2 - Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 2 - Prof. Black’s Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 - Recruiting Office, 15 min. 2 - Sham Doctor, 10 min. 4 2 - Si and I, 15 min. 1 - Special Sale, 15 min. 2 - Stage Struck Darky, 10 min. 2 1 - Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min. 1 - Time Table, 20 min. 1 1 - Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 1 - Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min. 4 - Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min. 1 - Two Jay Detectives, 15 min. 3 - Umbrella Mender, 15 min. 2 - Uncle Bill at the Vaudeville, 15 - min. 1 - Uncle Jeff, 25 min. 5 2 - Who Gits de Reward? 30 min. 5 1 - - =A great number of Standard and Amateur Plays not found - here are listed in Denison’s Catalogue.= - - T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago - - - - -POPULAR ENTERTAINMENT BOOKS - - -Price, Illustrated Paper Covers, - -[Illustration: PRICE 25 CENTS PATRIOTIC CELEBRATIONS] - -In this Series are found books touching every feature in the -entertainment field. Finely made, good paper, clear print and each book -has an attractive individual cover design. - - -DIALOGUES - - =All Sorts of Dialogues.= - Selected, fine for older pupils. - - =Catchy Comic Dialogues.= - New, clever; for young people. - - =Children’s Comic Dialogues.= - From six to eleven years of age. - - =Dialogues from Dickens.= - Thirteen selections. - - =The Friday Afternoon Dialogues.= - 50,000 copies sold. - - =From Tots to Teens.= - Dialogues and recitations. - - =Lively Dialogues.= - For all ages; mostly humorous. - - =When the Lessons are Over.= - Dialogues, drills, plays. - - =Wide Awake Dialogues.= - Brand new, original, successful. - - -SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES - - =Choice Pieces for Little People.= - A child’s speaker. - - =The Comic Entertainer.= - Recitations, monologues, dialogues. - - =Dialect Readings.= - Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. - - =The Favorite Speaker.= - Choice prose and poetry. - - =The Friday Afternoon Speaker.= - For pupils of all ages. - - =Humorous Monologues.= - Particularly for ladies. - - =Monologues for Young Folks.= - Clever, humorous, original. - - =The Patriotic Speaker.= - Master thoughts of masterminds. - - =The Poetical Entertainer.= - For reading or speaking. - - =Pomes ov the Peepul.= - Wit, humor, satire; funny poems. - - =Scrap-Book Recitations.= - Choice collections, pathetic, humorous, descriptive, - prose, poetry. 14 Nos., per No. =25c.= - - =The Best Drill Book.= - Very popular drills and marches. - - =The Favorite Book of Drills.= - Drills that sparkle with originality. - - =Little Plays With Drills.= - For children from 6 to 11 years. - - =The Surprise Drill Book.= - Fresh, novel, drills and marches. - - -SPECIALTIES - - =The Boys’ Entertainer.= - Monologues, dialogues, drills. - - =Children’s Party Book.= - Plans, invitations, decorations, games. - - =The Days We Celebrate.= - Entertainments for all the holidays. - - =Good Things for Christmas.= - Recitations, dialogues, drills. - - =The Little Folks=, or =Work and Play.= - A gem of a book. - - =Little Folks’ Budget.= - Easy pieces to speak, songs. - - =One Hundred Entertainments.= - New parlor diversions, socials. - - =Patriotic Celebrations.= - Great variety of material. - - =Pranks and Pastimes.= - Parlor games for children. - - =Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, Charades,= - and how to prepare. - - =Tableaux and Scenic Readings.= - New and novel; for all ages. - - =Twinkling Fingers and Swaying Figures.= - For little tots. - - =Yuletide Entertainments.= - A choice Christmas collection. - - -HAND BOOKS - - =The Debater’s Handbook.= - Bound only in cloth, =50c.= - - =Everybody’s Letter Writer.= - A handy manual. - - =Good Manners.= - Etiquette in brief form. - - =Private Theatricals.= - How to put on plays. - - =Social Card Games.= - Complete in brief form. - - -MINSTRELS, JOKES - - =Black American Joker.= - Minstrels’ and end men’s gags. - - =A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy.= - Monologues, stump speeches, etc. - - =Laughland, via the Ha-Ha Route.= - A merry trip for fun tourists. - - =Negro Minstrels.= - All about the business. - - =The New Jolly Jester.= - Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc. - - - Large Illustrated Catalogue Free. - - T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago - - * * * * * - -Transcriber’s Notes: - -Obvious punctuation errors repaired. There was a Library of Congress -sticker over a small part of the back cover’s text. The missing text -was taken from another identical ad in the same series. - -Page 4, “postively” changed to “positively” (I positively decline) - -Page 12, “immediatly” changed to “immediately” (her immediately and ask) - -Page 17, “EFFE.” changed to “EFFIE.” (EFFIE. Truly, I wasn’t) - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's An Uninvited Member, by Elizabeth F. 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