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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7884e24 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #53368 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/53368) diff --git a/old/53368-0.txt b/old/53368-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index cba1b44..0000000 --- a/old/53368-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,2491 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Don't Marry, by James W. Donovan - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: Don't Marry - or, Advice on How, When and Who to Marry - -Author: James W. Donovan - -Release Date: October 26, 2016 [EBook #53368] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DON'T MARRY *** - - - - -Produced by Demian Katz, Craig Kirkwood, and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (Images -courtesy of the Digital Library@Villanova University -(http://digital.library.villanova.edu/).) - - - - - -Transcriber’s Notes: - -Text enclosed by underscores is in italics (_italics_). - -The Table of Contents was created by the transcriber and placed in the -public domain. - -The cover for this book contains substantial text, and this text has -been included in digital form with a simplified format. - -The cover contains a list labeled “CONTENTS:”; however, this is a -partial list of topics covered in the book rather than a Table of -Contents. - -Additional Transcriber’s Notes are at the end. - - * * * * * - -TABLE OF CONTENTS - - Page - - DON’T MARRY. 3 - - ROMANTIC MARRIAGES. 79 - - UNROMANTIC MARRIAGES. 101 - - * * * * * - -DON’T MARRY; OR, ADVICE AS TO How, When and Who to Marry. - -CONTENTS: - - Don’t Marry for Beauty Alone. - Don’t Marry for Money. - Don’t Marry a Very Small Man. - Don’t Marry too Young. - Don’t Marry a Coquette. - Don’t Elope to Marry. - Don’t Dally About Proposing. - Don’t Marry a Drunkard. - Don’t Marry a Spendthrift. - Don’t Marry a Miser. - Don’t Marry Far Apart in Ages. - Don’t Marry too Old. - Don’t Marry Odd Sizes. - Don’t Marry a Clown. - Don’t Marry a Dude. - Don’t Marry From Pity. - Don’t Marry for an Ideal Marriage. - Don’t Break a Marriage Promise. - Don’t Marry for Spite. - Don’t Mitten a Mechanic. - Don’t Marry a Man too Poor. - Don’t Marry a Crank. - Don’t Marry Fine Feathers. - Don’t Marry Without Love. - Don’t Marry a Stingy Man. - Don’t Marry too Hastily. - Don’t be too Slow About It. - Don’t Marry a Silly Girl. - Don’t Expect too Much in Marriage. - Don’t Marry a Fop. - Don’t Marry in Fun. - Don’t Spurn a Man for His Poverty. - Don’t Marry Recklessly. - -J. S. OGILVIE, PUBLISHER, 57 ROSE STREET, NEW YORK. - - * * * * * - -TWENTY-FIVE SERMONS - ---ON-- - -The Holy Land. - ---BY-- - -REV. T. DE WITT TALMAGE, D.D. - -No Series of Sermons ever delivered by this famous preacher has created -such a widespread and intense interest as this. These Sermons describe -with vivid interest the scenes, incidents and many various experiences -met with in the Holy Land, the land in which people are now more -interested than ever before. - -Among the hundreds of thousands of people who have read the utterances -of this wonderfully successful preacher there are none but will be glad -to have this book. Read the following - -TABLE OF CONTENTS. - -1. Eve of Departure--2. I Must also See Rome--3. A Mediterranean -Voyage--4. Paul’s Mission in Athens--5. Life and Death of Dorcas--6. -The Glory of Solomon’s Reign--7. Peace, Be Still--8. The Marriage -Feast--9. Christmas Eve in the Holy Land--10. The Joyful Surprise--11. -How a King’s Life was Saved--12. The Philippian Earthquake--13. -What is in a Name?--14. The Half was not Told Me--15. I Went Up to -Jerusalem--16. On the Housetop in Jerusalem--17. The Journey to -Jericho--18. He Toucheth the Hills and They Smoke--19. Solomon in all -His Glory--20. The Journey to Bethel--21. Incidents in Palestine--22. -Among the Holy Hills--23. Our Sail on Lake Galilee--24. On to -Damascus--25. Across Mount Lebanon. - -It contains 320 pages in paper cover, and will be sent by mail, -postpaid, to any address on receipt of 25 cents. Bound in Cloth, $1.50; -Half Russia, $2.00. Agents wanted. Address all orders to - -J. S. OGILVIE, Publisher, 57 Rose Street, New York. - - * * * * * - -FOR EDITOR’S USE. - -We desire to call your attention to this book, and ask that you give it -a careful review and criticism. Please send paper containing notice to - -J. S. OGILVIE, PUBLISHER, 57 ROSE STREET, NEW YORK. - -_PRICE, 25 CENTS._ - - * * * * * - - - - -DON’T MARRY; OR, ADVICE AS TO HOW, WHEN AND WHO TO MARRY. - - - By HILDRETH. - - “... The tale that I relate - This lesson seems to carry,-- - Choose not alone a proper mate, - But proper time to marry.” - - THE SUNNYSIDE SERIES, No. 39. Issued Monthly. October, 1891. Extra. - $3.00 per year. - Entered at New York Post-Office as second-class matter. - Copyright, 1890, by J. S. Ogilvie. - - NEW YORK: J. S. OGILVIE, PUBLISHER 57 ROSE STREET. - - * * * * * - -THE SCIENCE OF A NEW LIFE. - -A BOOK ESPECIALLY ADAPTED - -To All Who Are Married - -Or who Contemplate taking this Important Step. - -16 page descriptive Circular sent free to any address by - -_J. S. OGILVIE_ Rose Street, New York. - - * * * * * - - - - -DON’T MARRY. - - -BY HILDRETH. - -It is not intended to advise against marriage, nor to draw the line too -closely as to the don’t-marry class, but simply to hint at the errors -of some persons who match badly on so long a contract. - -The “yes or no” question is the vital one for all young people to -answer. Some answer too soon, others wait too long, others never reach -such a climax of happiness as to be invited by an eligible partner. The -genius of selection is the rarest of faculties. - -What most puzzles the will and makes us bear the ills we have is the -theme of selection. A mother’s or father’s view of a suitor may be at -variance with the daughter’s wish and destroy the peace of both for a -lifetime. But quite generally the real trouble arises from a spiteful -choice or a hasty one, or one in some of the forms here mentioned. -Should these hints prevent one unhappy marriage, they will well repay -the little study that their brevity requires. - -To avoid much lecturing, only two examples are given at any length, -in the form of stories. These are as near to the real characters as -the writer can safely relate them, being founded on actual romantic -and unromantic marriages. As marriage is the first question that every -family will discuss, it is well to treat it with exact candor. - -_Don’t marry for beauty merely._ Very few have a supply that would last -a full dozen years in a married life that should continue for three -decades. - -And, more than that, beauty is not the only requisite to happiness. -Very handsome people are almost always vain, often exacting, and -generally live on their form, paying little or no attention to the -rarer qualities of manhood or womanhood. - -If one seek beauty alone, he will find it in the fields and flowers -and gardens, in paintings, art works, and things of nature; while the -real pleasures of life may be found in a thousand ways outside of the -worship of beauty. - -There are a dozen considerations beyond beauty that should govern the -choice of a companion. Think for a moment whom you admire most, trust -implicitly, and love more ardently than all others. Truly, it is not -the wax-doll face in a milliner’s window; were that so, why not marry -the model and get the perfection of beauty? The day will come when -the “rain beats in at the heart windows.” The time may run along so -fast till the summer is over and the winter snow-drifts shade your -locks with silver, when one by one of your friends will visit at the -fireside, when some one will love you for your mind and heart and -nobleness. Some one suited to your silver-age condition and disposition -will be beautiful without any name for beauty; as the soldier said of -Grant’s face, after Shiloh’s bloody battle, “That was the handsomest -face I ever saw;” yet it was plain and dusty and rugged. - -Prize-winners in matrimony have been women of finer mould than mere -beauties. Women who have won the hearts of statesmen, and painters and -poets, and the good and great of all time, were women of fascination, -or what the Southern ladies call sweet women, and not alone noted for -their beauty. - -Many a one has been known to have been plain but social; not always -unhandsome, but never beautiful. They are the best wives and noblest -mothers who have more to commend them than mere grace of features, -shade of skin, or color of eyes, or art of beautifying. Some are -frivolous, and more are flattered into danger. The most miserable man I -know is married to one of the most beautiful women. He is jealous; she -is exposed to insults unawares. Their home is a Hades six days out of -seven. I’ve heard him wish she were less attractive! - -_Don’t marry a man for money._ If money is your real object, the older -and uglier he is, the better; for nothing should come between you and -the chosen idol of your affection. If you marry one for his money, he -will find it out shortly. - -What sublime contempt a man must have for one who simply loves his -pocket-book! Why not love his farm, or lumber-yard, or herd of cattle? -The love of money is a miserly pretence of affection that leads to -discontent, distrust, and disgust when they find it out. - -Besides, wealthy men are men of care. The wife of a noted millionnaire -has had her husband’s body stolen from its vault, has been long kept in -agony, is an object of pity to all who know her. Another wife was heard -to say, “Why, I don’t have the privilege, nor the money, nor the good -times that my girl Bridget enjoys. I am poor and anxious and depressed, -and weary of hearing my husband say, over and over again, ‘You are -fixing for the poor-house.’ He really thinks and believes we will end -life in the poor-house; and yet he enjoys a princely income.” Thousands -of such men carry their load of care, and load of wealth, and load of -anxiety, and how can they carry any burden of love? - -_Don’t marry a very small man_--a little fellow far below all -proportion; try to get some form to admire, something to shape things -to, and some one who is not lost in a crowd completely, who is too -little to admire and too small for beauty. You may need strong arms -and brave hands to protect you. You will need hands to provide for -and maintain you, and a good form is a fine beginning of manhood or -womanhood. - -Mental greatness is not measured by size of brain or bodily -proportions. Great men are neither always wise nor always large; they -are more often of more medium build, and well balanced in gifts of -mental and physical development. Of the two, a very large man is better -than a small one, and a medium large woman likewise. - -_Don’t marry too young._ The right age to marry is a matter of -taste; twenty-one for girls, and twenty-four for men may be a little -arbitrary, but certainly is sensible. The happy early marriages are -rare. It too often happens that love is mistaken, or poorly informed, -or lacks an anchor in good judgment. There is no use of reasoning about -it,--love is love, and will marry in spite of reason, and in some cases -it runs away with its choice and repents it a thousand times soon after. - -But be sensible, for a life contract should be a sensible one. What -is the use of throwing away one season--skipping girlhood or boyhood -to rush into maturity and maternity? The records of divorce courts -tell the silly and sorrowful stories of many a mismated pair, married -too young and slowly repenting of their rashness. Ask of your truest -friends; take counsel; be above foolishness. - -_Don’t marry a villain._ Many a girl is ripe for an adventure, and in -appearance nothing more resembles an angel than a keen and designing -villain--a thoroughbred; not a gambler merely, but worse, a wreck! Such -men may be wary, artful, deceitful, attractive. They are crafty; their -trade compels it. They may be handsome, often so; they may be oily and -slick--most of them are. They may live rich and expensive lives for a -season; ill-gotten gains are not lasting. Heaven pity the girl that -marries one of these adventurers, for the end is bitterness! A friend -met one on the Pacific road, married him, and learned to her sorrow -that he drank to excess, swore like a pirate, lived in debauchery, -and early offered to swap wives for a season with a boon-companion. -“And that man,” she said, “was as handsome as a dude, as slick as -an auctioneer, as oily as a pedler; I loved him only one day after -marriage.” - -_Don’t marry a hypocrite._ Of all things get sincerity. Get the genuine -article. If you get a hypocrite, he is brass jewelry, and will easily -tarnish. Make careful inquiry, see that he is all that he pretends to -be, or never trust him. The habit of deceit is one of a lifetime. - -Some join churches for no other reason than to cloak iniquity. It is -not the rule by any means; it is a too common exception. One who goes -from city to city and captivates too many by his oil of blandness; one -who has no business, an idler; one who apes the rich and is ground -down in poverty; one who lacks the courage to live like himself and -had rather live a lie and deceive the world around him,--is an unfit -companion, and will bear watching. - -_Don’t marry a coquette._ One that is worn out by a long list of -discarded admirers is like stale bread--worse every day and seldom -grows better by long standing. There are women, and girls sometimes, -who glory and revel in the names of discarded lovers; whose sense -of honesty has been poisoned, numbed, and frozen by cheating their -victims through pretended affection, until they have lost all heart -or honesty; who deserve to be left alone to ponder on their cruelty -for the balance of their miserable existence. Of all the worst forms -of flirting, coquetry is the most detestable. It is not only trifling -away the time of both, but casting distrust on the holiest of all -sentiments, the purity of womanhood. To steal money is honorable -compared to stealing affection. - -The habit of coquetry will, or may, last long after marriage. She -who practises it will follow up in unpleasant references to her -conquests, wishing she had married at this offer or that, and wear -out the happiness of her last conquest by a frequent reminder of his -inferiority to the others. - -_Don’t marry a woman for her money._ These people are tenacious to a -minute degree. They long to remind you of my house, my property, my -farm, my lots on Lincoln Avenue, my furniture, my bank account, and the -like--making one a pensioner all his life for his board and clothing. -If there is any difference, it should be with the man. He is expected -to control property. He is the master of his house, or the manager of -his expenses. Very naturally he says “my” store or “my” lots, but it -will sound far more fair and considerate even if he says “our” in lieu -of “my” sometimes. - -The only fair way to act about it is to treat marriage as a partnership -where nobody owns all, but each has an equal interest. It is fair to -divide a good portion of one’s property with his wife, fair to deed her -a nice homestead and present her a given allowance--liberal as one’s -income will warrant--and let her draw from it as her own, and not be a -beggar each time she needs money. - -_Don’t elope to marry._ It is a weak affection that cannot wait -awhile. Jacob served seven years, then seven more, for Rebecca. She was -a fine specimen of womanhood--as represented in paintings; housekeeping -was easy and inexpensive then, but they patiently waited and were -handsomely rewarded. - -Ruth was an excellent example of girlhood. In no great hurry to marry, -taking the hardships of travel, her devotion to her mother touched the -heart of a king, and she won a splendid prize for her patience. She -might have eloped with a stage-driver or a coachman, and ended her life -with many less historical-society notices. - -_Don’t dally about proposing._ What is it to ask a fine girl to marry -you? The simplest, easiest thing on earth, if you “strike while the -iron is hot.” Go about it sensibly. To begin with, you never expect -much encouragement from a discreet maiden; she is in the background; -her promise is to be invited; she is not her own spokeswoman. Think of -the embarrassment. - -I venture to say, if you like her, that you will say so. Often you may -have told her how fine her eyes are, or how well you like her singing, -or talking, and her company; but when you ask a simple question, you -get down on your knees (they do in novels, not in reality) and beg for -it. Nonsense! Such a girl is unworthy. Begging is a silly fashion, -seldom now indulged in, all out of date, and no longer tolerated -outside of novels and theatres. Use a little sense about it. - -Find out first if you have the right one, then settle the matter in -one of five ways: First, in the parlor (don’t propose in church, or at -a donation, or in a crowd, or on a street-car, or while the horse is -prancing), get up your resolution at the right moment and say: “Do we -understand each other, Clemantha?” Then, if she doesn’t, explain it -to her in a sensible fashion, and in little short words that cannot be -mistaken; give her time, if necessary. - -The second way is, on a fine walk or drive, “Would you like to walk -always?” or, “If you were to choose whom you would walk with forever, -who would it be?” She will say, “I don’t care to be so personal.” -Certainly then you may be more explicit. - -Third, suppose you are to separate, what a grand opportunity! See -that you improve it earnestly. To tell a girl that she is fairer than -flowers, clearer than coffee, and sweeter than honey is old, very old, -and uncalled-for. Tell her she is what she is, and you like her with -all her surroundings; that you can better her condition sometime. Dwell -on the “sometime.” - -Be honest about it. If she doesn’t love you, let her love some one -else, and you will be surprised to find how many pure and beautiful -beings there are all around you, holding their finger-tips to hide -a smile of welcome and ready--“yes, Edgar”--eager to mate with one -worthy and ready to marry them, for marriage is a natural hope of every -right-minded woman. - -This is a fourth method: read aloud of characters like Arden, Romeo, -or Abelard, or Paul and Virginia, and make your comments audibly. You -will not be long in tracing a conclusion. Be a little ingenious about -it, find out through your sister. Prepare the way and don’t ask until -you find she is unpledged, remember; or at least tarry long enough to -be reasonably certain. And what if refused? No harm done. Like the -German’s sugar, “The other pound is shust so good as the first one.” - -One man I know drew off a list of all his acquaintances worthy of -marriage, and went about it like a regular wheat-buyer. He was a -bachelor, of course, and very eccentric. Coming to the first, he -explained his object, concealing all names, but saying she was first -of a long list furnished him by a friend (each one was first, always); -then he would say, “I will give you a week to consider it, and no harm -done; if not then, I must pursue my list further.” Of all the sold-out -men, he was sold the cheapest! He married a whole family. The first two -were disgusted, the third or fourth accepted. This looks too much like -a purchase and sale, and don’t try the method. - -The last way is sensible; by writing--many a proposal is in writing. -Even in that be a little guarded; once a no, yeses come with -reluctance. It is best not to give one an opportunity to say no, but to -parry long enough to test the opposition. If it were a race-horse to -buy, a house to contract for, or a block to purchase, it would not be -very hard to strike a bargain. So that, once finding form, character, -fitness, affection, desire to be mated, go about the rest by a direct -and sensible method, and don’t wear out the gate-hinges, burn out all -the oil, weary the old folks, or turn gray with anxiety, but do it. - -_Don’t marry a drunkard._ He will promise, by all that’s good, great, -and holy, to reform. How many more like him have made just such -promises? He can’t keep such a promise if he would. Make him reform a -couple of years at least, on trial, before you marry him. It will be -time enough then to risk a life-partnership, to chain your hopes to an -unfortunate creature whose sense and judgment are corrupted, not by -will, perhaps, but by habit stronger than reason. With most men this -habit becomes a desire. They are bound to feed the fire that burns -them. They have no voice in the matter, and cannot, if they would, -break the strong fetters that bind them in irons, like the prison bars -confine their victims. - -It’s a sorry picture to behold a fair young girl chained to a being -with a will all lost and debauched in appetite for drink; a section -of the land of departed evil spirits can only equal her daily misery. -Children must bear it, friends submit to it, and all of character, -sweetness of temper, or refinement in one’s nature will revolt at the -coarseness of the wrecked and wretched career of a drunkard’s life. He -is an object of pity, and a being to be shunned in matrimony, no matter -how many promises he makes or how good he is otherwise. - -To avoid long sorrow, disgrace, and regret, avoid him. If you had two -lives and one to dispose of, at any cost, mate with a drunkard and die -a thousand deaths. Your health, peace, and happiness will go with his. - - “Art thou mated with a clown, - Then the baseness of his nature - Will have weight to drag thee down.” - -Such a man will kill his wife, burn his own child, sacrifice everything -on earth when scourged by this degrading passion. More could be urged, -but let the starving families, the criminal courts, the idiotic -children, tell the rest: the story is too dreadful to dwell upon. It is -monstrous. Life becomes a burden, and death a sweet release from such a -cross. Of all the matches on earth, the most to be dreaded and avoided -is the drunkard’s wife. - -_Don’t marry a fast man or woman._ Something tells us that black logs -will darken the whitest garments. The edge of virtue once dulled -is never quite so keen afterwards. It may be very well to speak -slightingly of wild oats, but who cares to know that their oats are a -second crop? Who is willing to believe that they are the last resort of -one who has pleaded and pledged to hundreds or even dozens before her, -or waits an opportunity to make as many more pledges as occasion may -offer? Fast men are not satisfied with one vice merely, but follow on -to many. They may drink, gamble, sport, and venture, and step by step -indulge in the kindred vices of lewdness, till disease shall fasten its -clutches in their burning blood and run in their veins for a lifetime. -They are rarely satisfied with one home, one wife, and one family. - -_Don’t marry a foreigner_,--one who comes from a far-away country and -returns to it. It is very uncertain; think ahead carefully. The new and -strange customs of his country may and may not be congenial. They may -be a dreary dream of home and early separation. Think of the ties of -friendship, the cords of affection twined and woven around your nature; -ties that are not severed without many pangs of sorrow. Life is a -short, strange journey, and, make it when we will or where we will, it -is pleasant to be made with company. Those who know us best will love -us most if we deserve it, and few will continue on in friendship long -after we go to strange and unknown countries. A stranger neighbor soon -comes nearer than a long-absent friend whom we never hear from. - -_Don’t marry a spendthrift._ The habit of living is formed early. -Either one is bent on rising or going lower. As water seeks its level, -so men seek their ambition and find it. Prosperity comes not on silver -trays, ready-made and ready for use to everybody; most men work for -it, strive for it, and deserve it. The sons of the rich, who inherit -property and have formed the habit of useless spending, are a little -bit lower than the poor. It is not disgraceful at all to be born poor; -but to become so after once being rich, and that through reckless -spending, is a dishonor to any one. “One thing we can be proud of,” -said Ingersoll; “we’ve made some improvement on the original implements -and the common stock.” - -A young man who lives on his father’s earnings has very little to -boast of, but one who squanders his inheritance in riotous living -is an object of contempt and ridicule. “He is one of the old man’s -pensioners,” said a business man lately of a rich man’s son. “But for -his father’s thrift he would be a beggar; he lives like a refined -beggar on the food furnished by another. What a brilliant genius he is!” - -_Don’t marry your cousin._ It may be very tempting; relatives are often -warmly attached to each other from long and intimate acquaintance. -Remember that constantly thrown in each other’s society will often -create such attachments. With many persons, marriage of blood relations -will more or less lead to deafness, blindness, or deformity. It may -skip one generation and find another. It may result in disease and -weakness. It may be all right, but seven to eight it is risky and -uncertain, and you can’t afford to be uncertain in such matters. - -_Don’t marry too far above or below you._ There is no such thing as -station in this country, like the titles and surroundings of Europe; -but ignorance mated with refinement must be lost and confused, and ill -at ease every hour. - -Such matches are hasty, and poorly considered. They lead to gossip and -resentment of relatives, and an uncomfortable ill-feeling, seldom cured -for a full generation. If one has beauty and refinement and is poor, -never mind the poverty; the good qualities are more than a balance. But -the marriage of a millionaire’s daughter with a coachman is supreme -folly. It ends in disunion, and never in harmony. Water and oil will as -soon mix as such elements. Avoid them. - -_Don’t marry a doubly divorced man or woman_: it’s risky. Something -is wrong surely. One divorce should cure any one. Two is a profusion. -It may be that the doubly divorced is innocent,--he will claim to be; -but if he seeks a new party to a possible divorce case (it will be a -habit by this time), tell him to wait a little longer. Grass widows may -be very lovable creatures, but unless their other halves were clearly -blamable, beyond reasonable question, give them a wide road and avoid -them entirely. It is a very bad sign, possibly a habit, that a man and -woman mate and divide soon after; the fault may belong to either, and -most likely relates to both, in similar proportions. - -_Don’t marry a miser._ Of all the old “curmudgeons” on earth, deliver -me from crabbed, narrow-minded, pinch-penny, miserable misers. - -They begrudge you your meals and clothing. They count your shillings -and control your pin purchases; they make life a burden, by owning much -and using little, and eternally twit you of every quarter used ever so -sparingly. - -Life is made to live in and enjoy. We make only one journey. We need -not open up our purses and leak out the pennies, just to see them roll -around promiscuously; but cutting notches on a stick for each one of -them, and never spending, even for necessaries, without dread and -grudging, is intolerable. I had rather be poor and enjoy something. - -_Don’t marry too far apart in ages._ June and December is a long, long -distance in matrimony. Some people are as young-hearted at sixty -as others are at forty. Some men at forty-five have hardly reached -their manhood. But old, white-headed men, marrying girls in their -teens--servants generally--are pitiable spectacles. To the girl it is -suicide; to the man sheer folly; no need of marrying the man. The girl -is the most interested in this don’t sentence. Why not, if you love -him? This is the reason, not jealousy,--that is a partial reason,--but -consistency. Think of a trip round the world or across the continent -with one older than your father, to be called your husband, to be your -husband! It must be humiliating. It is annoying. It is foolishly silly -and inconsistent. Money is a small compensation for such a sacrifice. -Love, and love only, should govern marriage, and I doubt its sincerity -when the difference goes beyond reason. - -Marry one whom you trust, admire, respect, look up to, and confide in, -can be true to, and one whom you love from good and earnest motives. -“Respect is a cold lunch in a dark dining-room. Love is a picnic in the -woods.” Think of a picnic and an old man escort! - -_Don’t marry too old._ Be in earnest about it. Here is the thought in a -nut-shell: - - TOO OLD TO LOVE. - - I. - - “I never loved but one,” she said; - “I loved him just for fun,” she said; - And, saying this, she swung her head-- - Had she been frank, they had been wed. - I saw her at a ball that night, - Her eyes so dark and face so white, - Her tone and manner wild delight; - I knew she served him not aright. - - II. - - “I am too old to love,” she said; - “The one I loved in fun is dead! - I plant these flowers above his head, - Here lies my idol, dead!” she said. - “’Tis sad to think it might have been; - ’Tis sadder yet to feel my sin. - Love learns too late; but then, but then, - He loved me once--the best of men. - - III. - - “I never see a pure, good face, - Nor painting outlines ever trace, - But he is near, his love is dear, - Had I been earnest; he were here!” - She veiled her dark eyes with her hand; - I turned away,--“True love is grand,” - I murmured, in an undertone; - “Life gives no more than love of one.” - -_Don’t marry odd sizes._ A tall man with a little woman looks awkward -enough; but a tall woman with a little, tiny man is a misfit, surely. - -See if you can’t find someone of your size, as the school-lads say in -a wrestle. Pair off like soldiers in time of dress parade, with an eye -to unity. - -This caution relates to extremes, of course, and not to small -variances. Some change and grow portly after marriage, but none get -very much taller after twenty-four. - -Just for the looks of the thing, pair off in uniform lines. - -_Don’t marry a man or woman without a character._ Soon enough you’ll -see the value of this caution. Character is a matter that grows through -a lifetime, but enough of it crops out early to be noticed. One is -known not only by his company but by his habits, his tastes, and his -inclinations. It is said that some whole families are born fast; some -thievish, some inclined to crabbedness, others mild, upright, honest, -and reliable. It runs in the blood in some cases. - -Suppose one is to marry for virtue, purity, and uprightness, he will -seek it in the blood as much as he would look for quality in a racer. - -If a woman loves a rakish “man of the world,” so called,--a name too -often used to varnish a bad character,--she will very easily find him -around the different bar-rooms of almost any crowded hotel in the city -or village. He will be after marriage what he was before. - -Tell me where a man goes, and I will tell you what he is. If he is -fast, he will cultivate fast habits, live a rapid life, and earn that -character very early. If these are the traits you are looking for, -“inquire within” and you will find them. It may be a woman you are -asking about, a girl for a wife, a life-long companion. Which are you -seeking for? A dashy, fly-away dancer, or a domestic home-lover, and -one whom you can trust with your keys, your secrets, your conscience? -Look to her character. In either case, the man or woman has lived -somewhere. Find out about it,--how long, how well, how faithfully. - -A well-to-do widow, was crazy to marry a man that she fancied, and -who actually refused to give more than his name and hotel, and no -references. On careful inquiry such a person was known by no less -than two to four names,--changed to suit circumstances. The spell was -broken, the match ended. - -Men and women often rush into matrimony as game is run into a trap, for -the little tempting bait set to catch them (a catch-as-catch-can race). -They marry and risk a life-long happiness on less actual information -of each other’s real nature than a good horseman would exact of his -carriage horse’s pedigree. This may do in the country, but never will -answer in a city. Sense and reason dictate that men and women, to enjoy -each other’s society, should see well to the match beforehand. A fine -hand, a small foot, a becoming hat, a twist of the head, a simper, -or a half-witty saying will do well in their places; but colors must -_wash_ and _wear_ to stand a lifetime. - -_Don’t marry a clown._ A silly fellow that jokes on every subject never -did amount to anything, and never will. All he says may be very funny, -very; but how many times can he be funny? - -Fun will grow stale and threadbare; one cannot live by it. Life is a -trip that costs car fare, wash bills, board bills, trinkets, notions, -and actual outlays. Real providers are never clowns; the clownish -fellow is a favorite in school-days. He is so cute, just as cute as a -cotton hat, so cunning, so witty, so nice. Is he? Wait a few years, -until his nice nonsense turns to active business! - -_Don’t marry a dude._ Of all milk-and-water specimens, a dude is -the lowest,--a little removed from nothing; a dressed-up model for -a tailor-shop (sometimes it’s in woman form); a street flirt, a -hotel-step gazer, an eye-glass ogler, a street strut; one who finds his -enjoyment in the looking-glass--a masher. - -Very many are called, but few are chosen. The many that are called are -ridiculed. The time will come when a tailor’s suit and a fancy outfit -will no more make one respectable than it would make a gentleman of a -wooden Indian in front of a cigar-stand. - -Men, real men of business, and men fit to marry, are not dudes, but -manly, upright beings, with sense, integrity, and genius or industry; -who come upon the stage of life as real actors in its affairs, not as -“supes” and sham soldiers in “Pinafore” battle-scenes, where a few -parade in fancy feathers as commodores for the amusement of spectators. - -Life is too earnest to spend on silly, tawdry, fancy colors or showy -clothing; and the one who has the less of it is the most likely to be -marked for a gentleman, and the brand will be correctly designated. -With women, no less than men, is this silly street-walking habit quite -prevalent. A flirting woman on a public street is a sorry picture; -even one who stoops to notice her must secretly know her measure. She -deceives no one, for her character, like the dude’s, is so transparent -that no one mistakes its meaning. The habit of going nowhere for -nothing is as foolish as it is injurious. - -Character grows out of little things. It may be that being seen with a -disreputable person three times, or even once, will change the whole -current of our career. Don’t practise the vices of dudes nor the habits -of street flirts. - -_Do not marry a boy or girl who is not good at home._ That is the -golden test of duty,--to do one’s duty alone, away from the eyes of -men and the notice of the world; to be good from a right disposition. - -There is no safer rule to marry by than this: “She loves her mother, -and isn’t afraid to work. She has a good name at home among her near -neighbors. She is neat, sweet, and tidy. Seven days each week she is -never off guard, always a lady.” - -And of a man may it be said, “He is a man, take him all in all; he -is manly, he is truthful; he loves his home; he treats his sisters -and mother kindly. He is capable of good deeds, and incapable of mean -ones. He has a good name.” He deserves success, and it will follow -him. He is plain, perhaps, but man outgrows it. He is not a painting, -an imitation, a counterfeit, but simply a man. He will do to marry; so -will she, the last-named. - -_Don’t marry from pity._ It may be akin to love, but the kinship -is quite distant. Many a weak woman has so married, and only once -regretted it--each and every day afterwards. A life-long regret must -follow. What a cold respect is that compliment to any woman, “I took -pity on her!” Away with such base uses of pity! Many a woman has had -pity on a rakish man or a drunkard and married him to reform his -nature. Better, far better, trust a child with a runaway horse or a -mad dog. Danger seen and not avoided is criminal carelessness. Surely -you can save one life, and its happiness, in such cases. One is quite -enough to be sacrificed. Let bravery be shown by demanding a full -surrender and reasonable atonement. - -_Don’t marry for an ideal marriage only._ The girlish dream of marriage -is so wide of the reality as to be dangerous. She is to grow up and -go away, off to Italy, or some far-away clime of sunshine; there to -be taught music and the classics. On some clear moonlight evening, -in a summer-time, where birds sing all day long, near a brook or -flower-garden, she is to be surprised by a creature of form and make -and mental endowment that shall thrill her whole being into rapturous -joy. They will go to the parlor, and there, by a grand-piano, she will -unseal the pent-up currents of her heart, till tears flow from all eyes -around her; there she will seem to hear the childhood melodies, the -song of departed friends, the harmony of all the senses, mingling in -one sweet welcome to her new-found happiness. - -Her prisoned soul is no longer grovelling in common themes; all the -latent power of her being is to burst forth in gladness; and music of -the heart is to bear her up until the cottage walls are narrow, till -flowers and falling water, brilliant company, ease and riches, smile -upon her glad career. - -She is to be lifted up, and raised to heights before unknown to -mortals. He of whom she dreams of now is fit for Paradise. Finer and -finer every day will his genius grow, and nearer to her liking every -hour. There is just such joy and just such glory in a new-born love, -that seems to reach a grander height each moment, as on eagle’s wings. - -And this is but the generous dream that Nature gives, as a preface to -a real life after,--so very, very different. The girl that twines her -tender arms around her mother’s neck, and thrills with joyous pride in -telling of the brilliant prize that’s offered her, thinks not of rainy -days ahead. Perhaps it is just as well; who would begrudge her such -half-hours of happiness? But, seeing sometime she must break the spell -and know all, it may be safe to drop a hint in season, and say, This -way lies safety, that way danger! - -_Don’t marry a man of even doubtful character._ No matter how handsome -or brilliant, a bad man has in him elements that are always repulsive; -they are poison to his blood and his surroundings, and the only safe -guide is his character. - -No matter how many promises of reformation; you need not turn reformer -for his sake. If you will take the risk, do it after he proves himself -reformed, and be in no great haste about it. - -No amount of spicing and seasoning can make tainted meat palatable, and -no amount of promising will reclaim a character tainted with vicious -habits once seated. - -Young ladies who enter upon the reforming mission furnish more women -and children for prisons, later in life, by their own misfortunes than -any one class. Cases of reclaimed men after marriage are so rare as to -be exceptional. It’s always a dangerous experiment. - -_Don’t marry too cautiously as to perfection._ It has before been fully -stated that men and women are human, and imperfect. That is, if you are -hunting angels it’s a fool’s errand; there are none unpledged. If you -look for tall, handsome, rich, manly, cultivated, talented, brilliant -men, or pure, refined, fascinating, beautiful women, and one for each -man the world over, the supply never equals the demand of either sex. - -But to presume that the persons marked under head of “don’t marry” -cover all the rest is unreasonable. There are thousands of noble women -and men, possessed of sterling sense, strong bodies, affectionate -natures, ability to conduct a home, become a genial companion, raise a -family, shine in society, and bear their full share of life’s earnest -work. Occasionally a man or woman will tower above their fellows, but, -generally, the real difference is less than is often supposed. The -great majority are good, and live and go to their reward unheard of -outside of their neighborhood. - -One has put it rather strongly in this, to many: “The lives of men -and women, the best of them, are marred and ruined by uncongenial -marriages. They mostly suffer in silence, ashamed to complain of -the chain they cannot break. Men and woman cannot know what their -sweethearts will be after marriage. I have known a sensitive man, -a genius with a soul like a star, whose life was a pilgrimage over -burning coals, because his wife was a coarse termagant. Many a gifted -woman, fit to be a queen or an empress, is chained to a clod of a -husband, whose forced companionship is to her the tortures of Inferno.” - -_Don’t marry expecting all the virtues in one person._ If you do, the -disappointment will be startling. There are no perfect characters. -History gives none since the Saviour. Even Joseph was willing to -punish his enemies. - -The majority of men and women are good and pure and fair-looking. -The numbers who go to the bad are few compared to the good. Take the -country population, and ninety per cent will be good; and sixty per -cent of all cities are people of fair characters. - -It is a mistake to think that most people are bad because the bad -ones get so often chronicled in public journals. The good, like the -virtuous, live and die and demand no praise of their virtue. The great -mass of men are sensible, and honest and upright and sober, and worthy -to marry. - -_Don’t break a marriage abruptly._ This is the wrong way to break a bad -match. It intensifies affection. It leads to elopement, or that slow -canker in a girl’s nature ending in melancholy, or insanity. - -Love is a plant so tender that to uproot or transplant it may touch a -vital part. There are ways enough to change its current; but of all -food to increase its growth, give it a little opposition. Tell a child -to leave something alone, and he sulks to touch it. Tell a girl that -the man she admires is distasteful to her relatives, and she half -despises them from a simple motive of resentment. Lead her by reason to -see with her own eyes, and she will be convinced. - -The great London actor, Garrick, played the drunkard to disenchant a -girl, and succeeded. Her parents might have tried it a lifetime and -failed. Human nature is queer. It will lead when the way is enticing. -It will magnify discoveries, but they must be discovered in the right -manner. Remove not the prop till the safety of the structure is secure -without it. - -_Don’t oppose one’s marriage choice suddenly._ Should a girl fall in -love with one of bad character, it is best not to call him so at one -breath; but say, “What are his habits? Is he good enough and worthy of -so pure and comely a person as you are?” Let this task be performed by -some girl of same age and class as the one you seek to change. Let them -be often together, and find ways of expressing the objections by this -method--coming from a classmate, a friend, a chum or companion--and -your object may be easily accomplished. A proposed absence without -showing why, a long journey with genial company, may have the desired -effect. At least use one caution; see that the girl knows the real -habits and character of the man you are opposed to her marrying. It -will do more than all the urging, scolding, coaxing, or threatening. - -_Don’t marry for spite._ Why should you? If the one whom you loved most -has deceived you and taken another, it will be folly to try to punish -him by hanging yourself, or committing a double suicide in a loveless -marriage. - -You will learn this lesson all too dearly when it’s over. Life is too -short for those who love it and are well mated; but many a miserable -marriage has made one or the other wish for death a million times, to -be rid of its burden. - -You are the one most interested. You will find out, after the knot is -tied, that there are many conditions in life better and easier to be -endured than a silly marriage to spite some one. You will spite them -better by showing what a noble choice they had missed when they took -another in your place. - -_Don’t propose on a wash-day, in the rain, at breakfast, or in a -tunnel._ There is no room for fainting in the former, and a narrow -chance for time in the latter. - -Many ladies have singular notions on how proposals should be accepted, -and to such any rudeness is extremely shocking. A very modest fellow, -in deep anxiety, took up his fair lady’s cat, and said, “Pussy, may I -marry your mistress?” when the young lady replied, “Say yes, pussy, -when he gets brave enough to ask for her.” More than likely this -brought the young fellow to his senses. It certainly brought matters to -a crisis. - -Most young people talk to each other as though a tall stone wall stood -between them and they must find a door in it. Strange enough, the -difference in views vanishes at the merest mention of each other’s -sentiments. - -_Don’t mitten a mechanic_, simply on account of his business. If he is -worthy, never mind his business. He can grow out of it, and will grow -out of it. Collier was a blacksmith, Wilson a shoemaker, Andrew Johnson -a tailor, Peter Cooper a glue-maker, Grant a tanner, and Lincoln the -humblest of farmers. In this country it is not a question what a man -was, but what he is; not even what he is, but what he may be, and what -he is capable of yet attaining. - -Many a girl has turned away a mechanic and married a rich loafer, only -to find in good season that the mechanic was at heart a gentleman, with -growing possibilities, and the loafer remained such for all time. - -Advice is seldom heeded in such matters, but it may do to mention it. -The true test of manhood is seen in the mettle of boyhood. If you wish -to forecast the future, study the past history of your subject. If one -is selfish, tyrannical, and overbearing by being rich, he will be a bad -man to marry. If, on the other hand, he is pleasant, kind, genial, and -forbearing, loves his kind, is attentive to his mother and sisters, and -has made friends and character in early life, he is not very likely -to change his notions later. There is often more manhood in a poor -one-armed man than a rich athlete. - -_Don’t marry a man too poor._ It is the height of folly to mate, -and attempt to raise seven children on what will bring up three -indifferently. Have a little discretion. Think that eating, dressing, -etc., cost something, and no one can live happily without some of these -common comforts. If they cannot buy them single, it is folly to double -one’s misery by marrying in the jaws of starvation. It is suicide: it -is worse,--it is double suicide, and may lead to pauperism and crime -and disgrace. - -_Don’t marry where the woman is older than the man._ Men are restless -creatures and exacting. They expect grace, beauty, and refinement; they -prefer youth to age, generally. At least it is the fashion to marry a -wife some years younger than the husband. Women mature earlier; they -have less expectancy of long life, and on an average live seven to ten -years less, and show age at fifty more than a man does at sixty-five. -Of the two, a woman should look smaller and younger and better than a -man. This accords with the belief of all refined people. - -_Don’t marry a crank._ This class of men will be wordy and persuasive. -They tell all sorts of stories of life,--how the world is mismade; how -they could improve upon this thing or that; how marriages should be -made between blondes and brunettes; how, with their philosophy, society -would reach perfection. - -Such men are invariably tyrannical. They are exacting to the last -degree; they have neither faith, hope, nor charity, but run in one -groove. They distrust the powers that be, and generally mount some -hobby, and forever prattle about the rights of free love or the wrongs -of government. Avoid them as you would a tramp. - -_Don’t marry fine feathers._ Chesterfield was _well up_ on manners, -and gave his son this rule, among his twenty-one maxims to marry by: -“Let not the rustling of silk entrap you into matrimony.” Fine clothing -has a certain fascination to many. Some choose a wife by the becoming -effect of a tasty garment. Some select a fine dancer; others rely upon -a small hand or a petite form. These points may be all well noted, -but they are but parts of a greater whole that should govern a wise -selection. - -_Don’t marry a “masher”--man or woman._ A regular professional flirt -will never settle down to love one woman or one man. Habits once formed -will cling to them in after-life. They are like runaway teams--liable -to take fright and go when least expected. - -Civil attention, by a lady or gentleman, to the other sex is natural -and courteous, but the thought that every fair lady is common prey -is repulsive. The traveller who avoids all vacant car-seats but the -nearest to a handsome young woman, and forces his conversation against -her will, has an eye to his business of one more conquest; but the too -often insulted woman who complains of over-attention from gentlemen is -generally one who walks much unattended and shows some willingness to -be not wholly unnoticed. - -_Don’t marry without love._ It will be plain enough after a while. -You will not mind it at first, perhaps, but the time will come when, -by a song, or a face, or a voice, or a form, you will awake as from a -dream, to find you have chosen carelessly. It will be too late then. -A loveless marriage may stand throughout a honeymoon. It may last in -youth, but not when storms and trials come in after-years. It -lacks that something which words do not well express,--continuity, -heart-bound devotion, and endurance. - -No matter how plain each or either may be, if they love each other -they will overlook little things, and live patiently and happily to -the end. But once, at least, must come this joy and glory of wedlock, -that seems to be the wise design of Nature,--a love for one another. -It endures through age and trouble, and is a more lasting tie than all -others together. - -_Don’t marry an idle spendthrift_; one whose money comes without -effort at first, and goes as rapidly, will one day come to want as -certainly as waters reach their level. Nature has fashioned us all for -work,--work of mind or work of body, mental or physical labor,--and -with it comes strength of muscle and of will. Listless life of -idleness, without motive, without aim, is open to every form of -temptation. - -It is not a crime to be rich, or to be poor. It is a crime to be -listless in a busy world. He would be disgraced who, standing on a -wharf, saw a drowning crew without offering relief. He would be a -coward who would not defend a woman in distress; yet all around us are -the needy, helpless, drowning, starving, whom it is our duty to rescue -and lift up in life; and marriage is the place where society is born, -and grows and ripens into use. - -_Don’t marry a stingy man_; of all narrow, mean men, he is worst who -has money, and has no will to do good with it. A “dog-in-the-manger” -man, who can improve his town, his church, his neighborhood, and does -not, is a drone in life’s hive and deserves no success. - -One who is poor and has no means is excusable; one who locks and buries -treasures deserves the Bible sentence of him who hid his talent in the -earth--to be taken from him and placed with the active one’s talent. - -A narrow, selfish, stingy man will count your pennies spent, and -postage used, and clothing worn, as wasted. One must live in constant -dread of such a creature--we need not name him man; it would disgrace -the term. A miser’s wife lives a loveless life. - -_Don’t marry too hastily._ Some rush into matrimony like a steam-engine -going to put out a fire, as though one moment lost would be eternal -defeat, and the first there gain the highest prize. Many a one has -repented more leisurely and in sorrow for such conduct. But of all -things, marry at a good opportunity. - -_Don’t be too slow about it._ Girls who give up the society of all but -one, and turn their homes into special receptions for one person, will -be worried to death in a year or two, if things move too moderately. - -Brace up and proceed to business, or release your claim and let -some one else have an opportunity. Long engagements lead to lovers’ -quarrels; they, in turn, fail to make up sometimes, and then follow -scandal and gossip over broken ties; and later two go down to their -early sleep disheartened, ruined by a trifling neglect and a reasonable -inventory of prospects. You will see it all plainly when it is over. It -will be a “might have been” then, sure enough, but too late. - -_Don’t marry a silly girl._ It’s something of an art to select a -sensible person, but many are captivated by frivolous sayings and -coquettish acts of simpering school-girls and marry them. They make -better playmates than wives. They are generally shallow, nonsensical, -and superficial. They seldom learn anything; a tittering girl is -wearisome in real life. They are ever unstable as water and changeable -as wind; get some one that you can rely upon in confidence. - -_Avoid slovenly dressed girls or heedless men._ Life seems very short -sometimes, but if ill-mated it may be a long and tiresome life. A woman -with shoes run down, a man with slouched and battered hat, reckless of -neatness, will grow worse, and seldom better. - -Trifling as it may appear, the tidy dress, the tasty every-day apparel, -the ladylike appearance, and general style of man or woman, go a long -way to form character. Beecher was right in saying that “clothes do not -make the man, but they make him look better after he is made.” The same -rule is true of women. - -_Don’t expect too much in marriage._ The story pen-pictures and -fashion-plate models of men that we see and read about are always -exaggerated. Not one man in a million would equal their description. -Men are plain flesh-and-blood creatures; women are not angels. They -build their hopes too high who expect otherwise. Take the handsomest -person you know and ten years’ wear will dull the edges; and of all -faded features, the once very handsome show change the soonest. There -are many little odd-faced fellows who grow up to be fine manly men. -The growth from boyhood or girlhood to youth, and youth to manhood or -womanhood, and so on to old age, is marvellous. It takes a keen sense -of foresight to measure the future of many boys and girls by their -beginning. There is no rule safer than choosing a good form, a good -brain, a good temper, and a good character, and waiting for the other -developments. - -Endure what cannot be cured, and don’t wish your wife or husband were -as handsome as some neighbor or as rich as some nabob. Youth and good -qualities are riches. It may be he is richer by far than the very one -envied. The richest are not always those who own the most--many of -these are poor indeed, and often miserable. - -_Don’t marry a fop._ Vanity in a woman is bad enough, in men it is -intolerable! A man-milliner, a namby-pamby female male, a walking -model for ready-made furnishing-stores, may think himself exceedingly -stunning, but to a real lady or gentleman he is a nonentity. Such -husbands never could be satisfied with the admiration you would give -them; they would weary your mirrors and try your patience. What are -they good for, anyway? There is room for women and room for men, but a -half-woman or a half-man is never great. They are not very likely to -marry at all, and less likely to make home happy. - -_Don’t expect everything of one person._ Some expect to marry love, -beauty, talent, riches, and affection all in one. It is unreasonable; -you will never find it, and may as well give up looking in good season. - -“Waukeen” Miller was requested to rewrite an article sent to a New York -magazine and returned this pithy reply: “I can’t re-copy it. I can’t -do everything. What do you expect of a man, anyway--to be a genius, -an inventor, and a writing-teacher? No, I can’t bother my brains with -copying worth four to six hundred a year at the highest.” This covers -the whole subject in a sentence. But it is well to add that Nature is -sparing of her gifts. To one she allots beauty, to another strength, -to another wisdom, to a third courage, to a fourth ability to acquire -riches, to another that to write and speak, to teach, to manage, to -paint, or to control armies: all are not alike, and to no one belong -all virtues. - -_Don’t expect too much of a wife._ If she is beautiful, that will be -her pride and ideal. If plain, she may make it up a thousand times in -goodness, gentleness, industry, virtue (the plainest are the least -tempted). Earnest in her duty, she may be of all women the most suited -to your station. If talented, she will devote herself to it. You -cannot own beauty, talent, domestic drudgery all in one. - -“Looking for angels, are you?” said an advanced maiden in the country. -“Well, you’ll not find ’em fit for kitchen work; and, while I think of -it, how would you look by the side of an angel, you brute you?” and he -subsided. - -No, they are not much suited to kitchen work, the so-called angels; -but many a mother who has brought up a large family as her own kitchen -maid, without servants, who has braved the hardships of poverty and -privation, has led a life but little lower than the angels, after all. - -_Don’t marry and cross your husband._ While on this division, don’t -cross your wife just at dinner-time. After the cares of business he is -tired, fretful, and she is of similar humor. To make a dispute is much -easier than to make a coal fire. Wait! - -Don’t flash up and speak back, and irritate by quick answer. Wait! - -If man or woman could only wait in seasons of anger, all would blow -over and harmony return like spring flowers, that are not always in -blossom. - -Don’t both speak at once, nor both get angry at once, nor both be too -determined at once. No one is ever convinced by angry tones. It is -horribly repulsive to talk so; besides, you will both be sorry for -it very many times. Wait, and let your judgment mature after dinner; -quarrel, if you must, in whispers; that is the new fashion. Try the -newer form. - -About ten thousand new divorces could be prevented each year by -observing these rules of common sense and reason. When will married -people and unmarried people, and lovers and neighbors, learn how -pleasant peace is, and how awkward it is to quarrel together? - -One man pounds his finger with a tack-hammer and blames his wife for -it a month later; one man’s goose gets in a neighbor’s garden and is -killed--perhaps served him right--and yet they are sworn enemies for -five years later; and not until some child is rescued from a burning -building or a mad dog, by the enemy neighbor do the two know how -pleasant and useful it is to dwell in harmony. - -Families who have been estranged for years are some day--ah, some -day!--called to look into the sightless eyes that once flashed in -anger, or lay away in its earthy home the form they shunned for some -trifling answer in a passion. If we knew how soon, how cautious we -would be! Life is so short to quarrel and make up in; they who quarrel -may never make up. - -_Don’t marry in fun._ Be in earnest about a matter of so much moment. -It may seem funny to a lot of girls out on a sleigh-ride to call in -some one and wind up an escapade by a double wedding; but few of such -marriages ever end well. - -Sudden and ill-considered matches are mismatches. You may have a -mother, a sister, or a family to consult; then the old-fashioned way is -the best. It’s a left-handed marriage at best that will not allow the -forms used for ages to strengthen its solemnity. - -Let the world know by open dealing that you have married above any -secrecy, elopement, or underhanded fashion. Be brave enough to follow -the form of society in a manner that concerns every neighbor and every -relative. - -Marry at home or at church, in good form, without display; marry -according to the best usage of the best people, and you will reap some -benefit from the sensible conclusion. - -_Don’t marry without an eye to comfort._ A man that expects to live -thirty years or more with a partner will investigate his likes and -dislikes; so should a woman. Are you ready to attend a cattle ranch and -brave the frontier? Then look the matter clearly in the face at the -first hint of the man’s proposal who expects it. - -Do you prefer the city to the country? Look to the earliest -opportunity. Can you endure a soldier’s absence, or wait for an -explorer? or will you prefer a domestic relation that brings you both -under one roof daily? These questions should be answered soon enough -to prevent regret, remorse, or separation. The greatest of all dangers -in marriage is the color-blindness of lovers: they never use but one -color--rose color--till a few weeks after the wedding. - -_Don’t spurn a man for his poverty._ “Prosperity is the parent of -friends; misfortune is the fire by which they are tried.” One may be -poor by an honest failure, another may be rich on ill-gotten gains. -The first the lord of honor, the last a prosperous knave. - -“I would give it all willingly and work by the day if we could be -placed back where we were, and be free from the worry and dread and -anxiety,” said a rich man’s wife to a waiting friend by her sick -bedside. - -Who does not know of poor, plain boys who endured the poverty of youth, -struggled with their studies, carved out a fortune as from flinty -marble, and enjoyed it in maturer years, all the more for the effort -it cost them, all the more likely to last and continue to bless other -generations? - -Franklin commenced poor with a penny loaf; Greeley was homely and -awkward. Few would have looked for Lincoln’s rise. Giddings and Collier -and Garfield all started low on the ladder, and ended high in honor and -worthy of any woman’s affection. - -If we could only get near enough to Genius to comprehend its superior -worth; if we could reverence talent and admire integrity and take true -measure of prospective greatness, what a fortune we would possess! - -Like high-priced lots in large cities, the discoverers of rare -locations seldom knew the value of their purchases. It takes time for -development; more time in genius and character than we are always ready -to wait for; but the far-seeing are always rewarded, so with the prizes -of matrimony. - -_Don’t marry and expect a husband to be wealthy while young._ Only the -older men should be looked to for high financial standing. In a hopeful -country like ours, few are rich under fifty, seldom under sixty. - -Young men who earn their education, and begin and learn a business are -barely partners at thirty or thirty-five. It takes time to prosper. -Several mistakes may be made. Scarcely a wholesale house in New York -or Boston has run on twenty years without a failure. Failure is the -rule, success the exception. Patience, pluck, and perseverance win the -victory, but they who spend freely in the forenoon have little left in -the evening. Those who save early double in like ratio later on. - -_Don’t marry in opposite religious views._ If possible, marry near -your own belief. This may seem strained, but the story of divorces -will confirm its wisdom. Children and parents very often disagree on -religious subjects. The farmer’s “Betsey and I are out” controversy, -“was a difference in our creed. And the more we argued the matter, the -less we ever agreed.” - -It is pleasant to agree on a subject so vital in families, more -especially so in Protestant and Catholic families, where education is -sometimes controlled by church government, and marriages are held -illegal in one church if not solemnized by its forms and between -regular believers in its faith and doctrines. - -_Don’t marry a duke_, or any man who travels on his title. The most of -such men are very common, and the most of young people who seek their -company are sold, deceived, and seriously disappointed. - -They expect a fortune to begin with, and will be the most exacting -of all mortals. This is a mere matter of birth and surroundings. -Novels tell many beautiful stories (pretty visions) about brave and -noble dukes and their princely palaces, attentive servants, and -flower-arbors. Experience tells far different stories. - -The history of nine out of ten of such unnatural unions is a record -of a half million or so squandered on a petted daughter to satisfy a -mother’s ambition, and ending in misery entailed by the dearly bought -purchase. Don’t marry so much out of rank as to be a burden, or carry a -burden. - -_Do marry a man that you can look up to_, and see that he can -do likewise. There are plenty of farmers, mechanics, merchants, -conductors, doctors, lawyers, and men of general business, who are -worthy, trusty, generous, noble, and will make excellent husbands. - -Seek them out from their character, their conduct at home, their -treatment of sisters and mothers, their devotion to business and -adherence to principle. Show them that you trust them. Be ready to -marry. Become accomplished and useful. Make yourself worthy of a home, -and know how to manage it with skill and kindness. Loving natures are -not long neglected. The worn-out belles and women who fade and wither, -and die snappish and single, were insincere, or lacked some quality of -winning manners. - -_Do marry a President._ That is the correct form now. It’s so romantic. -Waive all the hints of other objections,--age, love, spite, money, and -the like. Get a President,--just for the position, you know! - -Then all the little jewels and diamonds and presents will come rolling -in like flowers to a favorite singer. All little objections vanish in -the presence of a President. He must be suited to any condition of -beauty, genius, or intellect. Don’t refuse a President’s offer; you may -never get but one such in a lifetime. - -_Do marry a plain man._ Just a plain, common-sense man; be he banker, -lawyer, doctor, farmer, builder, merchant, so he is a man; for manhood -is at a premium to-day in home life! The world is full to overflowing -with brilliant men. Public offices are public trusts, and all that such -responsibility implies, and there are women in stations where the word -home has very little meaning, and other women who long for the quiet -and comfort of true domestic life away from the cares of office and the -demands of lofty stations. - -Two of the things that lead to greatest misery of the masses to-day are -over-ambition and reckless marriages. - -_Don’t coax a woman to love you._ If you wish to win, that is certainly -the wrong way. If they have any notion of it, you are in the opposite -direction of success. - -Women despise a fawning, cringing nature. “Fortune and women, born to -be controlled, stoop to the forward and the bold.” - -A far more sensible way to win will be by indifference. Show enough -willingness to reassure her, and enough courage to act manly. - -Ten to one you have mistaken her temper by lack of frankness. Nothing -is more touching than truth. If you are really bent on marrying and -have told the right person the whole story, earnestly and truthfully, -the answer should be decisive. - -Keen dealers seldom banter; they may hesitate, they may explain their -wants and wishes, they never parley very long or express much anxiety -to strike a bargain. - -_Winning a wife or a lover is a rare art._ To be worthy of either -is the first essential. It is better to be worthy of it than to be -President and unworthy. - -It must be consoling even to a jilted lover to feel that he is superior -to the one successful. The next thing to being worthy is being ready. -Many a youth begins driving, sleighing, and dressing for society who -pays his clothing bills by instalments, and whose salary is wholly -unequal to his outlay. - -Fairness demands that a girl in marrying should better her condition. -How can one expect her to marry into misery? - -Chesterfield quotes an old Spanish saying of great force and aptness: -“It is the beginning that costs in everything. The first step over, the -rest is easy.” - -_Don’t marry recklessly._ Before two or more men form a partnership, -they learn each other’s means of furthering the business to be engaged -in; the confidence that each is worthy of, the skill, attention, etc., -each can give, and the prospects of a mutual agreement and prosperity. - -Without some inquiry on these vital requisites, no company concern -would be founded. It would be a foolish investment to purchase goods -and fit up stores or warehouses without some forecast of results; and -yet this is precisely in the line of marriage. - -Partnerships are business marriages. It is not best to be too cool and -calculating about it; one caution may let another take the venture and -draw the premium. But some common-sense may as well be mixed with a -matter so vital as a life-long engagement. - -Firms are limited to a few years; marriages are unlimited save by -death, or divorce, for over a third of a century, on an average. While -it is very difficult to tell whom to marry,--for no one can foresee -your circumstances,--still, it is well to mention a large class that no -one should marry, at least till all others are no longer accessible. - -If one could foresee the extent of happiness depending on this -selection of partners, if he would take a simple business caution -and investigate enough to be considerate, he might save society from -disgrace and himself from lasting misery. For the fact is, that the -most glaring of all our American evils is the looseness of marriage -ties, and the misery it entails on domestic relations. - -If these hints or reminders should induce one woman to avoid a bad -marriage, and one man to contract a good one, or save a long quarrel, -or keep families in harmony, or help some poor bashful fellow to gain -his Yes by a sensible proposal, the time in reading will be well spent, -the trifling cost will be a splendid investment. - - - - -ROMANTIC MARRIAGES. - - -Caroline Crofton had completed her course at Vassar, one of its -earliest graduates, and one of the most brilliant in her class of -thirty odd young New England, graceful, gifted, and generous girls, -that have long been noted for their purity of principles and perfection -of character. She was smaller than her classmates, an only daughter of -Judge Crofton, whose manner and training marked him as a classical, -refined, and upright gentleman, and a dignified and just judge. - -All that culture could impart, or character add to the graces of -nature, was bestowed upon Caroline, who never assumed the fashion of -shortening her name by fancy contractions. Carline was the shortest -way of calling her, and this was not a favorite with her mother. From -her father she inherited the qualities ascribed to her, while her -mother, like a clinging vine wound around the oak, was of a trusting, -lovable, nature, of darker hair and eyes than the Judge; and the two -mingled in the daughter, and formed a slender figure and a graceful -form, an ardent, lovable character, as one could easily discover. - -Diligent by nature and proud of her progress in early studies, Caroline -had entered Vassar’s advanced classes and employed all her energy to -excel in each department. - -She literally lived in her books for four full years, to the exclusion -of modes, society, or even the newspapers; her one ambition seemed -ever to be excellence, and when the graduating day arrived, and the -long row in white were seated in breathless awe to read their papers -and receive their reward, something more than a common interest was -awakened. - -Such are the days when young men of wealth and ambition, and poorer -men with an eye to the beautiful, come in and listen to the overdrawn -pictures of school-girls’ first productions. - -The theme of Caroline Crofton was “Pioneers;” how they had founded -our government in the little log school-houses of New England, in -the sixteenth century; how they had established their town meetings -and voting precincts; how they had gradually driven back the Indians -(“noble redmen”) from the rich, fertile valley of the Mohawk in New -York, cleared away the underbrush from the fertile plains of Northern -Ohio and Pennsylvania, and boldly evaded the massive pineries of -bleak, cold Northern Michigan; dauntlessly, fearlessly, and bravely -establishing schools and churches in the very midst of Indian huts and -wigwams, taking their lives in their hands, to improve and populate a -great and growing nation; and how wonderfully they had all prospered. - -In her vivid and graphic picture of a fruitful theme (a theme learned -from books and stories), she dwelt on the part that mothers had borne, -and brothers were bearing, in this tide of prosperity and improvement, -till tear-drops came fast to the earnest eyes of the old gray-haired -professors, who were judges, and many a mother’s heart leaped with -joyous pride at the mention of brave sons battling with the Western -wilderness, for their sons were among them. - -Caroline Crofton could feel the hush of silence, always such applause -as is irresistible; she could feel the emotion, and conveyed that -emotion to her audience; she forgot herself, forgot her hearers, -and read with a girlish animation born of deep-seated belief in the -grandeur of the theme she advocated. Round after round of applause -greeted her conclusion, and she staggered to her seat literally -overcome by the brilliant effort which resulted in a handsomely -inscribed medal as first of her class of Vassar. - -Whether the influence of that essay on the mind of Caroline, or its -greater influence on Cyrus Arthur (a newly arrived resident of Vassar) -was the most potent means of a quick acquaintance between them, is not -well known to the writers; certain it is that an early friendship soon -refined into affection, and meagre inquiries into his character being -satisfactory to Caroline, he was promptly admitted as a suitor at the -dignified household of Judge Crofton, on the banks of the beautiful St. -Lawrence. The Judge was led to believe that a long acquaintance had -ripened between schoolmates, when in fact it was a love at first sight -affair, and on very little consideration. - -That these young and ambitious lovers enjoyed all that is allotted -to their class is forever a secret, for their after-life reveals but -little of its mystery. Their after-life was a struggle for bread first, -and position soon after. They really put off living, very foolishly. - -Cyrus Arthur was a large, strongly built, dark-haired, handsome fellow, -of considerable assurance in the social gatherings, and generally -managed to lead off with the dances and parties from his size and -commanding way more than from any merit of talent or real goodness in -himself; one of the village leaders who gained favor by fine looks and -outward appearance; one of the petted class of forenoon brilliants -whose afternoons are often more shaded. - -There was a smile of serene contentment and half-satisfaction on the -haughty face of young Arthur as he offered himself to the Judge’s -daughter in that manner assumed by generals in battle. He obtained his -prize, and she obtained her ambition. He married beauty, she married a -leader. Her highly colored future was a life of intellectual greatness; -his first pride was of conquest, then of distinction. - -A large man in a small place may be a little man in a large city. - -In good season they were married, of course; and of their courtship -little need be said, for it was all unromantic. - -Arthur’s father was a merchant of limited means, and the younger having -high notions of going West to grow up with the country, early settled -in a lumber-making city of North Michigan, where he took his fair young -companion, who soon realized that her rose-colored romance of brave -pioneers was not a living reality. - -Dreams are one thing, real life is another; work was scarce in the big -overgrown city, but plentiful in the pineries; and after the first -day of married life wore into weeks, and living expense came around -with painful regularity, the new couple were forced to economize, then -look for employment, which they first found in tending store and camp, -cooking for a large lumber-ranch; certainly far less refining than the -vision of a Vassar schoolgirl’s essay had pictured. - -But they prospered, and by dint of close saving, always coming from the -wise counsel of the weaker one, they became managers, then owners, of -a portable saw-mill and a ranch, and gradually a store building partly -paid for. - -From the letters home, showing their thrift and economy, gradually -came small sums lent to the far-away idol of the staid old Judge’s -household. Cyrus was surprised and delighted one day to find a large -bill of goods sent on to fill up their store and give them a start in -their hard beginning. - -It was the work and influence of that little brainy wife, whose tender -hands had grown harder by cooking, mending, and working for forty or -more robust workmen, and the reward it brought and the encouragement -to both. With a well-stocked grocery and comfortable surroundings, -Cyrus began to look the world in the face quite complacently, and take -matters easier. Meanwhile, the silent ambition of Caroline determined, -if growing up with the country meant anything, she would fathom its -mystery, and she continued to delve and save, and plan and execute, and -encourage her husband in his extensive contracts. - -Here was a profit on forty laborers, a margin on their payment in -goods, a rise in lumber, and a golden opportunity to buy vast tracts -of pine timber at very low figures in cash payments. Drawing on her -savings the little wife advised wise investments. - - -II. - -Fifty-seven, eight, and nine were the three trying years in Northern -Michigan. Many a man would cheerfully trade a load of shingles for -a bag of corn, and a thousand feet of timber for a single ham. New -England thrift was in the market, and the little daughter of a discreet -judge balanced the chances and made hay in sunshine most effectually. - -Four years passed by, and a rapid rise in prices gradually increased -the value of timber, then lumber, then shingles, then lands, and long -before the war ended, Arthur and his once timid wife were among the -wealthy citizens of the Rapids. - -A large, strong frame, and but little anxiety; a dark, swarthy -complexion, with a heavy black beard; the face of such a man at -thirty-eight showed less signs of wear than his little fair-faced -companion at six years younger. - -Age, climate, work, and care were telling on the slender build of -Caroline. The rapid birth of three children in ten years told also -their story of a mother’s anxiety, written in shading lines on her once -delicate features. - -Absorbed in her duties as a wife, she had little room for society, -while he, a man relieved by riches from hard labor, was approaching -that prime of maturity when the world looks complacently upward to one -who has prospered, not even asking how, or why, or any reason. - -Long trips to large cities, absence from home, mingling often with -wealthy lumbermen, and assuming that position that wealth ever commands -in society, were doing for Cyrus Arthur what they will do for many in -like situations. - -He craved a larger field for usefulness, he moved and settled in -a large city; he craved society, he was a favorite with women; he -developed a fondness for the more forward class. He fell; he fell often. - -If he had ever loved his devoted wife, the author of all his success -and prosperity, he now grew unloving, haunted by the caresses of more -passionate women. Driven by appetite to seek the companionship of the -brazen and deceitful, he lost his self-respect, his love of home, and -grew madly in love with a most bewitching character, lately divorced -from her husband. - -A spell came over him; “the trail of the serpent is over them -all,”--the “twelfth temptation,” as shown in the powerful drama of -its name, that takes a farmer-boy in innocence, carries him safely -through the perils of a great city, saves him from saloons and wine, -and larceny and dishonesty, and at last when weakened by tampering with -sin, brings him face to face with such dazzling beauty that his fall -before it seems as natural as his ruin later is effectual. - -The trail of the serpent had crossed by the path of Arthur. The coil -wound around him, for he loved the bold siren who enchanted him, and -yielded to the twelfth temptation. - - -III. - -“For a woman can do with a man what she will;” yet a man who knows a -woman thoroughly and loves her truly--and there are women who may be so -known and loved--will find, after a few years, that his relish for the -grosser pleasures is lessened, and that he has grown into a fondness -for the intellectual and refined amusements without an effort, and -almost unawares. - -Fettered and controlled by the witchery of his evil genius, Cyrus -Arthur lost all power but that borrowed of his seducer. Her counsel -replaced the once wise confidence of a better companion. Her influence -was as a loadstone in a compass,--it carried him in dumb obedience to -her will. He was absorbed, confused, bewitched, stranded, lost! - -As often as they met in their evil way, she demanded a divorce and -insisted on early proceedings. - -“But the cause?” he would say. “Cause?” she would answer; “make a -cause!” “Not so easily done,” replied her willing admirer. - -“Money will do anything,” was her ready answer. - -“Money will do anything,” repeated the fond lumberman; “true, money -will do everything.” - -But how? When, and where? - -These questions were all puzzling. - - -IV. - -There was a dark-faced inspector, a man-of-all-work in lumber camp, -called Roland, who had often called at Arthur’s, and who occasionally -partook a little too freely of Northern fire-water, as the Indians term -it, and whose poverty at such times would consent to almost anything, -on one pretence and another. - -Young Roland was sent to inquire if Mr. Arthur was in, or if Mrs. -Arthur needed shopping done, or errands attended to, with instructions -to hint that his employer was seen riding out with the enchantress -in a cutter, seemingly on the way to another village. These little -irritations were to be repeated for effect, but no effect seems -probable. They did create some inquiry, and at such dates of -confidential conferences Mrs. Arthur was alone with the hireling spy -and listened to his inferences of her husband’s indiscretions. - -Neither by word nor deed nor murmur did Caroline exhibit a sign -or symbol of her unhappiness, save by the deeper lines and paler -countenance that easily escaped detection to one who barely looked her -in the eyes twice a day for months together. - -It was a failure; she would never act, he must take the initiative. - -Armed with a sworn affidavit of her infidelity with Roland on a recent -occasion, together with further papers to complete their separation -and settle an alimony of a few thousand dollars as her share of their -large property, Cyrus Arthur visited his wife late at night as a robber -would call for her jewels, and demanded a complete surrender. Stunned -and shocked, and overcome by the intelligence, she wept most bitterly, -pleaded, begged, and implored her husband, in the name of Heaven, to -spare her and her _children_ from a disgrace so terrible. The sighing -of the pines in a Northern forest would have moved him as soon from his -purpose. She was between him and an envied object; he must succeed. -He was already goaded to desperation. Seizing the part of her plea -relating to her little girls, he made the worst of it. - -“If you would spare yourself and them from disgrace eternally, make no -denial and all shall be secret, and no one the wiser.” - -“Can this be true?” asked the distracted mother of the other’s lawyer. - -“Yes,” he replied, cases have been heard on default and divorces -granted, and not one scrap of bill or answer ever published. - -“What is a bill and answer?” questioned the little woman in her tears, -for she never dreamed of a divorce between her and her husband till -that moment. - -“It is the ground and denial for divorce,” replied the attorney. - -“Cyrus Arthur,” said his wife, as she looked at the eyes that evaded -her earnestness, “do you mean this proceeding, or are you trifling?” - -“I am in earnest,” he answered. - -“Have you forgotten my home, my surroundings, the shock to my mother, -my father, my own feelings, my neighbors, our children? Do you realize -how you sin, and wrong me? - -“How I have toiled and helped you, planned our success! How I have -suffered, gone almost in the grave, in bringing you these children! Are -you in earnest? - -“If your heart is not iron, speak to me; shall I deny such a foolish -slander? Shall I tell you before God, who will one day judge us all, -that every one of the charges are infamous lies and perjuries; shall I -place my word against his and you deny me?” - -“But you cannot swear in court in such cases,” said the ready lawyer. - -“Then Heaven will hear me; I am innocent. And may the Almighty end my -life right here, if I have ever, by act or look, or word or deed, done -aught that a true woman should not do in every day of our married life, -from first to last, as God is my witness!” - -“But your children?” he pleaded, as if he had heard not a word of her -earnest protest. - -On and on they argued, later and later grew the hour, till, worn out at -midnight they passed her the papers, and eight thousand dollars, with -which she was to return to her home in New England, and abandon all -defense to the proceeding, including a release of all dower interest in -his estate, real and personal. - -You may smile at the absurdity, you may question the reason of such -haste and compulsion. - -“But who, alas! can love and still be wise?” - -Ask of the court records in every American city, and you will find -stronger cases and stronger instances, more degradation, greater -hardship, and equal perjury. Ask of _one_ court and find this case! - -No sleep nor rest comes to Caroline Arthur. Early dawn found her -surrounded by her weeping children, in alarm at the sudden illness, for -she only called it illness. - -Twice she started for the City National Bank to deposit her money, and -twice relented. Once she determined to consult a neighbor, and later -concluded she would bear alone her sorrow. - -Hastily filing his bill and securing her appearance, an early demand -for a hearing before a commissioner, in less than a _single week_ came -a divorce on the ground of infidelity. - -Elated by his victory, with his deeds well recorded, and the court’s -great seal granting their divorcement, Cyrus Arthur stalked the streets -in supreme confidence as a man of victory. - -It is said that Roman generals, once victorious ever bore about with -them the marks of conquerors; so did our modern general, but for a -brief duration. - -Once in the newspapers, and the busy streets were vocal with open -denunciation. “Eight thousand dollars from a property worth one hundred -and fifty thousand dollars!” came from bankers. “The wife that made -him what he is,” said another. “A shame to our civilization,” said the -third. “A fraud, a sham, a pretext,” said another. - -And the majority joined in the last anthem,--“a sham, a pretext,” a -trick to turn off his worn-out wife and marry that impious trader in -unvirtue and immorality. - -Press interviews were had, and the dear little lady of clean hands -and honest heart, whose soul shone as a diamond in the filth of foul -slander around her, utterly and consistently refuted and denied the -whole story, and related its history with marvellous circumstantial -evidence to convince any reasonable person of her truthfulness. - -Indignation knew no bounds; a firm of able lawyers at once filed a -cross bill, and a prayer to set aside the fraudulent bill and another -to annul all conveyances to Arthur; and within almost as brief a limit -as he had secured his decree she had been restored to her rights with a -divorce from Arthur and a thirty-thousand-dollar settlement. - -He was driven from the city in infamy, and she lived on in honor; but -the stain on the children was of a nature more permanent. - - - - -UNROMANTIC MARRIAGES. - - -Grace Hartwell graduated at Hillsdale College in 18--, and settled as -an assistant teacher in the Union school on College Hill, living with -her mother across the narrow river near by, where she would pass the -old homestead of Richard Baker, son of a well-to-do farmer adjoining -the village, and who early became interested in the fair young teacher. - -Grace was a full brunette, of fairer complexion than is common to her -school of beauty. - -She was beautiful, with well rounded arms, heavy black hair, rosy lips, -white hands, eyes of marked expression--eyes that stood out full, and -shone in striking contrasts, the black portion and the white being -clear and sharply defined. - -Grace was no less a beauty than a dreamer, and longed for the kind of -change that best suits a girl of her quick, passionate, and impulsive -nature--a marriage. - -Richard was below the medium size, with very light hair, of slim -figure, reticent of speech, shy and bashful, especially so in the -presence of Grace, whom he met at parties, donations, and college -receptions, so frequent and amusing in their lively village. - -Both went too long a distance for their dinner to make the trip -agreeable, and both often carried their daily lunches in little baskets -for convenience. - -On their homeward trips they met occasionally, bowed, passed the time -of day, chatted of the last night’s party. It was growing so much of a -custom with Richard to meet these road-side appointments, self-made, -and well timed to match his lonely companion, that they soon became a -matter of each day’s history. - -Grace was willing to listen, Richard was anxious to turn aside from his -regular pathway and go round a square to bear her company. - -They were in love without romance, and against both the belief and -expectation of all their associates. - -She was the prize of the village; he was neither well-off nor popular, -but plain and unhandsome. He was not her only suitor, but the first had -taken some pique at her attentions to a stranger in the village, that -offended the haughty admirer of her beauty, and each was claimant for -her entire devotion. - -Miss Hartwell’s father was a tall black-eyed Virginian, warm-blooded, -swarthy, and impulsive, and liked not the manner of his daughter’s new -friendship. - -He put his foot down with emphasis. He insisted on obedience. He wanted -position, old family, wealth and social standing, or no marriage. - -Grace could not always govern her scholars, but herself she was -determined to control. - -Herein both father and daughter were much alike. - -Time passed; attachment increased by opposition. Such is more often the -way of lovers separated; but these were not wholly separated. - -At the death of Richard’s stepfather a division of the estate netted a -round three thousand to the young farmer, who had done nearly all the -farm work lately, and now started on an early Northwestern visit to -the wheat-growing regions, resolved on a test of climate, comparison -of prices, and general outlook for an investment. He bought early and -largely in prairie lands of finest quality. He struggled, prospered, -and grew well-to-do as a farmer. - -And what became of Grace, the teacher? Letters to and from Dakota, -neatly written, choicely worded, and carefully punctuated, from one -side; hurried notes, badly composed, from the other. The mind is never -quite full of two subjects at once, and the surest cure for heartache -is active employment and earnest work. - -The increasing cares of farming, the magnitude of the business, the -constant desire for money (for the seed-time of farming is in its early -stages), were a source of daily anxiety to Richard. “My poor Richard” -was not a common name for a heading to Grace’s letters; truly she had -found a fit name for her absent lover; a lover of land and of cattle, a -lover of acres and of reapers, a lover of fences and shade-trees, and a -growing Northwesterner; but poor, indeed, in actual happiness. - -They were married; Grace removed to her rude quarters and furnished -them by taste, skill, and refinement. She took to her new home all the -delicacy of rare machine-work, neat stitching, and tidy ornaments of -her Eastern education; the sewing of many odd hours of industry. - -It seemed like an endless harvest, a long busy day, a strife and a -struggle, in a wilderness of bleak broad fields at great distance from -market. They raised vast crops, but sold at low prices. - -The panic of ’73, and the cold winter following, made not a very happy -honeymoon to both, but they endured it all, risked all in a fond large -hope of abundant future riches. In a land of no railroads (it’s changed -now; it’s as much more brilliant to-day as an electric light compared -with the light of a common candle), Dakota was then rather a dreary -country. - -Sometimes, it is true, there would come over Grace a feeling of -lonesome homesickness. It comes to a far-away settler many times in a -lifetime; but she would choke it under, and resolve to be a brave wife -and a worthy companion. - -Ten years have rolled by, and times are better; both are older, worn a -little by climate, larger, changed. - -On the way to the National Park I chanced past their village one -evening on the great Pacific Railroad, and mentioned “Hillsdale” -incidentally. - -I saw a woman turn half-way round and look towards me, but went on -unmindful of the situation. Suddenly her companion arose and asked me -if I said Hillsdale, to which I assented, and then a vacant seat was -made and both came back and questioned me. They were strange people, -truly. - -He a stout-built, long-bearded man, half gray, with buffalo -overcoat, fur cap and mittens on; she well wrapped in beaver; both -Western-looking in every particular. - -“You spoke of Hillsdale, sir,” began the woman; “and we lived there -once, and feel curious to know if you would not remain all night with -us. We have a farm near by next station. I hope you will consent to -spend the night with us;” clearly the woman was the social leader. - -There was a pleading in the look, a frank expression that said, Please -do, and I consented. - -Two miles, a drive by a cold open sleigh-ride--cold is hardly strong -enough to mark the term,--and we found a low unpainted farm-house, -plastered below, with chamber-floor for ceiling overhead, and rudely -formed walls; a house of three rooms, mainly in two; a farm of six -thousand acres, five teams, three tenant-houses, wagons and sleighs and -farming-tools without stint, but comfort nowhere. - -After breakfast the farmer fed his flocks and attended to his general -chores, while I stayed in and chatted by a sickly pretence of fire -made of bad coal and green kindling-wood. I had seen, each time as he -came in, how gently he handled his little pet dogs, that seemed their -only children, how deeply absorbed he was in farm and stock, and how -anxious he was I should see the ranch, but how little he noticed his -superior companion. - -“Where are your children?” I ventured to inquire. - -“They are all three yonder in the field,” she said, and I knew they -all slept in narrow houses there. This seemed to let loose the flood -that held her feelings since the night before. “But for my husband,” -she added, “I should go home ere this. He promised me to go as soon as -the road was built; but then it costs so much, we keep on putting off -from year to year. But I am longing so much to go! And when I heard -that word Hillsdale last night, it filled me so full of home I could -not contain myself. I hope you were not offended; but it seemed if -some one would come and talk to me, my life would all be new again! It -is so blank, so bleak, so cold and desolate, and I am heart hungry.” -The tears came fast, and filled her large dark eyes and softened down -her voice to tones of confidence. With eagerness she spoke of care, and -work and trouble, sorrow and neglect; for, in his greed of gain, he had -forgotten her as year by year rolled on, and both were growing older -fast, and he not heeding it,--living on in his farm, reapers, sheep and -crops; his heart was full of such, and had no room for her, no room for -life. - -“And you have been out here for fifteen years?” I said. “How many years -in that long time have you really lived?” - -“Lived!” said Grace--for this was Grace and Richard, as you must know -ere this--“lived!” she replied;--“in work and trouble a long life -indeed; in happiness, not one year yet. We have been waiting every year -for that good time to come when we would find our happiness; we have -not found it yet. The more he gets, the more he wants. Land means care, -and taxes, and hired men, anxiety of crops, and overwork. - -“I had rather live _one year_ back by the old farm school-house, when I -carried my dinner to my school, and had a loving group of faces looking -into my eyes each noon, and loving me, than own all our acres and be -here a dozen years. - -“Life is not all in years to me! I have learned that lesson dearly, -learned it living where we see so little of real life that memory is -all the hope I have.” - -“Starving amid plenty is cruelty,” I said. “Sell half and live while -you may. You are wasting your whole lives in a fruitless hunt for -happiness.” - -I have since learned that my visit was a revolution and reform, and -that they are living better. - -And I thought, as I turned to the States and cast a long sad look -at the lonely form in the doorway, and one at the bundle of robes -beside me, who was driving me to the land of daily enjoyment, if their -children had grown up and lived in such a place, where would have -been their hope? In land and horses! Where their company? The company -of flocks and cattle. The hope of sometime finding more congenial -quarters. I turned in sadness, saying inwardly, “God pity the land-poor -farmers, and pity their wives, and show them the lives they are -leading!” - - * * * * * - -THE SCIENCE OF A NEW LIFE. - -BY JOHN COWAN, M. D. - -A Book Well Worth Possessing by Every Thoughtful Man and Woman. - -The “Science of a New Life” has received the highest testimonials and -commendations from leading medical and religious critics; has been -heartily endorsed by all the leading philanthropists, and recommended -to every well-wisher of the human race. - -_TO ALL WHO ARE MARRIED_ - -Or are contemplating marriage, it will give information worth HUNDREDS -OF DOLLARS, besides conferring a lasting benefit, not only upon them, -but upon their children. Every thinking man and woman should study this -work. Any person desiring to know more about the book before purchasing -it, may send to us for our 16-page descriptive circular, giving full -and complete table of contents. It will be sent free by mail to any -address. The following is the table of contents. - -Marriage and its advantages; Age at which to marry; The Law of choice; -Love Analyzed; Qualities the Man Should Avoid in Choosing; Qualities -the Woman Should Avoid in Choosing; The Anatomy and Physiology of -Generation in Women; The Anatomy and Physiology of Generation in Man; -Amativeness--its Use and Abuse; The Prevention of Conception; The Law -of Continence; Children--Their Desirability; The Law of Genius; The -Conception of a New Life; The Physiology of Inter-Uterine Growth; -Period of Gestative Influence; Pregnancy--Its Signs and Duration; -Disorders of Pregnancy; Confinement; Management of Mother and Child -after Delivery; Period of Nursing Influence; Fœticide; Diseases -Peculiar to Women; Diseases Peculiar to Men; Masturbation; Sterility -and Impotence; Subjects of which More Might be Said; A Happy Married -Life--How Secured. - -The book is a handsome 8VO, and contains over 400 PAGES, with more than -100 ILLUSTRATIONS, and is sold at the following PRICES--ENGLISH CLOTH, -BEVELED BOARDS, GILT SIDE AND BACK, $3.00; LEATHER, SPRINKLED EDGES, -$3.50; HALF TURKEY MOROCCO, MARBLED EDGES, GILT BACK, $4.00. 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OGILVIE, Publisher, 57 Rose St., New York. - - * * * * * - -Transcriber’s Notes: - -The author of this book is listed in other sources as James W. Donovan -using the pseudonym Hildreth. - -Punctuation has been made consistent. - -Variations in spelling and hyphenation were retained as they appear in -the original publication, except that obvious typographical errors have -been corrected. - -The following changes were made: - -p. 54: that removed (and trials come) - -p. 65: it added (for it a) - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Don't Marry, by James W. 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Donovan. - </title> - <style type="text/css"> - -body { - margin-left: 10%; - margin-right: 10%; -} - - h1,h2,h3 { - text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ - clear: both; -} - -p { - margin-top: .51em; - text-align: justify; - margin-bottom: .49em; -} - -/*Modified horizontal rules to fix ePub display issue*/ -hr { - width: 33%; - margin-top: 2em; - margin-bottom: 2em; - margin-left: 33.5%; - margin-right: 33.5%; - clear: both; -} - -hr.tb {width: 45%; margin-left: 27.5%; margin-right: 27.5%;} -hr.chap {width: 65%; margin-left: 17.5%; margin-right: 17.5%;} -/*End modified horizontal rule CSS*/ - -table { - margin-left: auto; - margin-right: auto; -} - -/*Table of Contents format*/ -table.toc { max-width: 30em;} -td.toctitle { text-align: left; vertical-align: top; text-indent: -1.3em; padding-left: 1.3em;} -td.tocpage { text-align: right; vertical-align: bottom; padding-left: 1em;} - -.pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ - /* visibility: hidden; */ - position: absolute; - left: 92%; - font-size: smaller; - text-align: right; -} /* page numbers */ - -.boxit-one{ - max-width: 38em; - padding: 1em; - border: 0em solid black; - margin: 0 auto; } - -.boxit-two{ - max-width: 30em; - padding: 0.5em; - border: 0.15em solid black; - margin: 0 auto; } - -.boxit-three{ - max-width: 15em; - padding: 0em; - border: 0em solid black; - margin: 0 auto; } - -.center {text-align: center;} - -.smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} - -/*Right alignment*/ -.marginright{text-align:right;margin-top:-0.5em} -.marginrightindent{text-align:right;margin-right:0.75em;margin-top:-0.5em} - -/* Images */ -.figcenter { - margin: auto; - text-align: center; -} - -/* Poetry */ -.poetry-container {text-align: center;} - -.poetry -{ - display: inline-block; - text-align: left; -} - -.poetry .stanza {margin: 1em auto;} - -.poetry .indentbase {text-indent: -3em; padding-left: 3em;} -.poetry .indentquotebase {text-indent: -3.5em; padding-left: 3em;} -.poetry .indentone{text-indent: 0.75em;} -.poetry .indenttwo{text-indent: 7em;} -/* End poetry*/ - -/* Transcriber's notes */ -.transnote {background-color: #E6E6FA; - color: black; - font-size:smaller; - padding:0.5em; - margin-bottom:5em; - font-family:sans-serif, serif; } - -/*CSS to set font sizes*/ -/*font sizes for non-header font changes*/ -.xxlargefont{font-size: xx-large} -.xlargefont{font-size: x-large} -.largefont{font-size: large} -.mediumfont{font-size: medium} -.smallfont{font-size: small} -.boldfont{font-weight:bold} -.sansseriffont{font-family:sans-serif} - -/*CSS to force a page break in ePub*/ -div.chapter {page-break-before: always;} - -/*CSS markup for handhelds -- put at end of CSS*/ -@media handheld -{ - img {max-width: 100%; height: auto;} /*Limit width to display*/ - - .poetry - { - display: block; - margin-left: 1.5em; - } -} -/*End CSS for handhelds*/ - - </style> - </head> -<body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Don't Marry, by James W. Donovan - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: Don't Marry - or, Advice on How, When and Who to Marry - -Author: James W. Donovan - -Release Date: October 26, 2016 [EBook #53368] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DON'T MARRY *** - - - - -Produced by Demian Katz, Craig Kirkwood, and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (Images -courtesy of the Digital Library@Villanova University -(http://digital.library.villanova.edu/).) - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 609px;"> -<img id="coverpage" src="images/i_001.jpg" width="609" height="850" alt="Cover." /> -</div> - -<div style="margin-top:2em"> -<div class="transnote"> -<h2 style="margin-top: 0em">Transcriber’s Notes:</h2> - -<p>The Table of Contents was created by the transcriber and placed in -the public domain.</p> - -<p>The cover for this book contains substantial text, and this text -has been included in digital form with a simplified format.</p> - -<p>The cover contains a list labeled “CONTENTS:”; however, this -is a partial list of topics covered in the book rather than a Table of -Contents.</p> - -<p><a href="#TN_end">Additional Transcriber’s Notes</a> are at the -end.</p> -</div></div> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<div class="chapter"></div><!--Page break for ePub--> - -<p class="center xlargefont boldfont">TABLE OF CONTENTS</p> - -<div class="center"> -<table class="toc" border="0" cellpadding="1" cellspacing="0" summary="Contents"> -<tr><td class="tocpage" colspan="2">Page</td></tr> -<tr><td class="toctitle">DON’T MARRY.</td><td class="tocpage"><a href="#Page_3">3</a></td></tr> -<tr><td class="toctitle">ROMANTIC MARRIAGES.</td><td class="tocpage"><a href="#Page_79">79</a></td></tr> -<tr><td class="toctitle">UNROMANTIC MARRIAGES.</td><td class="tocpage"><a href="#Page_101">101</a></td></tr> -</table></div> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<div class="chapter"></div><!--Page break for ePub--> - -<p class="center xxlargefont" style="line-height:125%">DON’T MARRY;<br /> -<span class="mediumfont">OR, ADVICE AS TO</span><br /> -<span class="xlargefont">How, When and Who to Marry.</span></p> - -<p class="center">CONTENTS:</p> - - -<div class="boxit-three"> - -<p> -Don’t Marry for Beauty Alone.<br /> -Don’t Marry for Money.<br /> -Don’t Marry a Very Small Man.<br /> -Don’t Marry too Young.<br /> -Don’t Marry a Coquette.<br /> -Don’t Elope to Marry.<br /> -Don’t Dally About Proposing.<br /> -Don’t Marry a Drunkard.<br /> -Don’t Marry a Spendthrift.<br /> -Don’t Marry a Miser.<br /> -Don’t Marry Far Apart in Ages.<br /> -Don’t Marry too Old.<br /> -Don’t Marry Odd Sizes.<br /> -Don’t Marry a Clown.<br /> -Don’t Marry a Dude.<br /> -Don’t Marry From Pity.<br /> -Don’t Marry for an Ideal Marriage.<br /> -Don’t Break a Marriage Promise.<br /> -Don’t Marry for Spite.<br /> -Don’t Mitten a Mechanic.<br /> -Don’t Marry a Man too Poor.<br /> -Don’t Marry a Crank.<br /> -Don’t Marry Fine Feathers.<br /> -Don’t Marry Without Love.<br /> -Don’t Marry a Stingy Man.<br /> -Don’t Marry too Hastily.<br /> -Don’t be too Slow About It.<br /> -Don’t Marry a Silly Girl.<br /> -Don’t Expect too Much in Marriage.<br /> -Don’t Marry a Fop.<br /> -Don’t Marry in Fun.<br /> -Don’t Spurn a Man for His Poverty.<br /> -Don’t Marry Recklessly. -</p> -</div> - -<p class="center">J. S. OGILVIE, <span class="smcap">Publisher, 57 Rose Street, New York</span>.</p> - - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<div class="chapter"></div><!--Page break for ePub--> - -<div class="boxit-one"> - -<p class="center xxlargefont boldfont" style="margin-right:2em">TWENTY-FIVE<br /> -<span style="padding-left:6em">SERMONS</span></p> - -<p class="center boldfont">—ON—</p> - -<p class="center xlargefont boldfont">The Holy Land.</p> - -<p class="center">—BY—</p> - -<p class="center largefont"><span class="smcap">Rev. T. De Witt Talmage</span>, D.D.</p> - -<p>No Series of Sermons ever delivered by this -famous preacher has created such a widespread and -intense interest as this. These Sermons describe with -vivid interest the scenes, incidents and many various -experiences met with in the Holy Land, the land in -which people are now more interested than ever -before.</p> - -<p>Among the hundreds of thousands of people who -have read the utterances of this wonderfully successful -preacher there are none but will be glad to have -this book. Read the following</p> - -<p class="center largefont boldfont">TABLE OF CONTENTS.</p> - -<p>1. Eve of Departure—2. I Must also See Rome—3. A Mediterranean -Voyage—4. Paul’s Mission in Athens—5. Life and -Death of Dorcas—6. The Glory of Solomon’s Reign—7. Peace, -Be Still—8. The Marriage Feast—9. Christmas Eve in the Holy -Land—10. The Joyful Surprise—11. How a King’s Life was -Saved—12. The Philippian Earthquake—13. What is in a Name?—14. -The Half was not Told Me—15. I Went Up to Jerusalem—16. -On the Housetop in Jerusalem—17. The Journey to Jericho—18. -He Toucheth the Hills and They Smoke—19. Solomon -in all His Glory—20. The Journey to Bethel—21. Incidents in -Palestine—22. Among the Holy Hills—23. Our Sail on Lake -Galilee—24. On to Damascus—25. Across Mount Lebanon.</p> - -<p>It contains 320 pages in paper cover, and will be -sent by mail, postpaid, to any address on receipt of 25 -cents. Bound in Cloth, $1.50; Half Russia, $2.00. -Agents wanted. Address all orders to</p> - -<p class="center largefont boldfont" style="margin-right:4em">J. S. OGILVIE, Publisher,<br /> -<span style="padding-left:8em">57 Rose Street, New York.</span></p> -</div> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<div class="chapter"></div><!--Page break for ePub--> - -<div class="boxit-one"> -<p class="center xxlargefont">FOR EDITOR’S USE.</p> - -<p class="xlargefont">We desire to call your -attention to this book, and -ask that you give it a -careful review and criticism. -Please send paper -containing notice to</p> - -<p class="center xlargefont" style="margin-top:1em">J. S. OGILVIE, <span class="smcap">Publisher</span>,<br /> -<span class="smcap" style="padding-left:3em">57 Rose Street,</span><br /> -<span class="smcap" style="padding-left:6em">New York</span>.</p> - -<p class="center xlargefont" style="margin-top:1em"><em>PRICE, 25 CENTS.</em></p> -</div> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<div class="chapter"></div><!--Page break for ePub--> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 426px;"> -<img src="images/i_005.jpg" width="426" height="650" alt="Title page." /> -</div> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<div class="chapter"></div><!--Page break for ePub--> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p> - - - - -<div class="boxit-one"> -<h1 style="line-height:175%">DON’T MARRY;<br /> -<span class="mediumfont">OR, ADVICE AS TO</span><br /> -<span class="xlargefont">HOW, WHEN AND WHO TO MARRY.</span></h1> - -<p class="center largefont">By HILDRETH.</p> -<div class="poetry-container" style="margin-top:2em"> -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="indentquotebase">“... The tale that I relate</div> -<div class="indentone">This lesson seems to carry,—</div> -<div class="indentbase">Choose not alone a proper mate,</div> -<div class="indentone">But proper time to marry.”</div> -</div></div></div> - -<p class="center smallfont" style="margin-top:2em">THE SUNNYSIDE SERIES, No. 39. Issued Monthly. October, 1891. Extra. $3.00 per year.<br /> -Entered at New York Post-Office as second-class matter. Copyright, 1890, by J. S. Ogilvie.</p> - -<p class="center" style="margin-top:2em"><span class="smcap">New York</span>:<br /> -J. S. OGILVIE, <span class="smcap">Publisher<br /> -57 Rose Street</span>.</p> -</div> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<div class="chapter"></div><!--Page break for ePub--> - -<div class="boxit-two"> -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span></p> - -<p class="center xxlargefont">THE SCIENCE OF A NEW LIFE.</p> - -<p class="center largefont">A BOOK ESPECIALLY ADAPTED</p> - -<p class="center xlargefont">To All Who Are Married</p> - -<p class="center largefont">Or who Contemplate taking this Important Step.</p> - -<p class="center largefont">16 page descriptive Circular sent free to any address by</p> - -<p class="center xlargefont" style="padding-right:5em"><em>J. S. OGILVIE</em></p> -<p class="center xlargefont" style="padding-left:5em">Rose Street,</p> -<p class="center xlargefont" style="padding-left:10em">New York.</p> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="chapter"></div><!--Page break for ePub--> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span></p> - - - - -<h2>DON’T MARRY.</h2> - -<p class="center largefont boldfont" style="margin-bottom:1.1em">BY HILDRETH.</p> - - -<p>It is not intended to advise against marriage, nor -to draw the line too closely as to the don’t-marry -class, but simply to hint at the errors of -some persons who match badly on so long a -contract.</p> - -<p>The “yes or no” question is the vital one for all -young people to answer. Some answer too -soon, others wait too long, others never reach -such a climax of happiness as to be invited by -an eligible partner. The genius of selection is -the rarest of faculties.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span></p> - -<p>What most puzzles the will and makes us bear -the ills we have is the theme of selection. A -mother’s or father’s view of a suitor may be at -variance with the daughter’s wish and destroy -the peace of both for a lifetime. But quite -generally the real trouble arises from a spiteful -choice or a hasty one, or one in some of the -forms here mentioned. Should these hints prevent -one unhappy marriage, they will well repay -the little study that their brevity requires.</p> - -<p>To avoid much lecturing, only two examples are -given at any length, in the form of stories. -These are as near to the real characters as the -writer can safely relate them, being founded -on actual romantic and unromantic marriages. -As marriage is the first question that every -family will discuss, it is well to treat it with -exact candor.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry for beauty merely.</em> Very few have a -supply that would last a full dozen years in a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span> -married life that should continue for three decades.</p> - -<p>And, more than that, beauty is not the only requisite -to happiness. Very handsome people -are almost always vain, often exacting, and generally -live on their form, paying little or no attention -to the rarer qualities of manhood or -womanhood.</p> - -<p>If one seek beauty alone, he will find it in the -fields and flowers and gardens, in paintings, -art works, and things of nature; while the real -pleasures of life may be found in a thousand -ways outside of the worship of beauty.</p> - -<p>There are a dozen considerations beyond beauty -that should govern the choice of a companion. -Think for a moment whom you admire -most, trust implicitly, and love more ardently -than all others. Truly, it is not the wax-doll -face in a milliner’s window; were that so, why -not marry the model and get the perfection of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span> -beauty? The day will come when the “rain -beats in at the heart windows.” The time may -run along so fast till the summer is over and -the winter snow-drifts shade your locks with -silver, when one by one of your friends will -visit at the fireside, when some one will love -you for your mind and heart and nobleness. -Some one suited to your silver-age condition -and disposition will be beautiful without any -name for beauty; as the soldier said of Grant’s -face, after Shiloh’s bloody battle, “That was -the handsomest face I ever saw;” yet it was -plain and dusty and rugged.</p> - -<p>Prize-winners in matrimony have been women of -finer mould than mere beauties. Women who -have won the hearts of statesmen, and painters -and poets, and the good and great of all time, -were women of fascination, or what the Southern -ladies call sweet women, and not alone -noted for their beauty.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span></p> - -<p>Many a one has been known to have been plain -but social; not always unhandsome, but never -beautiful. They are the best wives and noblest -mothers who have more to commend them -than mere grace of features, shade of skin, -or color of eyes, or art of beautifying. Some -are frivolous, and more are flattered into danger. -The most miserable man I know is married to -one of the most beautiful women. He is -jealous; she is exposed to insults unawares. -Their home is a Hades six days out of seven. -I’ve heard him wish she were less attractive!</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a man for money.</em> If money is your -real object, the older and uglier he is, the better; -for nothing should come between you and -the chosen idol of your affection. If you marry -one for his money, he will find it out shortly.</p> - -<p>What sublime contempt a man must have for one -who simply loves his pocket-book! Why not -love his farm, or lumber-yard, or herd of cattle?<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span> -The love of money is a miserly pretence -of affection that leads to discontent, distrust, -and disgust when they find it out.</p> - -<p>Besides, wealthy men are men of care. The -wife of a noted millionnaire has had her husband’s -body stolen from its vault, has been long -kept in agony, is an object of pity to all who -know her. Another wife was heard to say, -“Why, I don’t have the privilege, nor the -money, nor the good times that my girl Bridget -enjoys. I am poor and anxious and depressed, -and weary of hearing my husband say, -over and over again, ‘You are fixing for the -poor-house.’ He really thinks and believes we -will end life in the poor-house; and yet he enjoys -a princely income.” Thousands of such -men carry their load of care, and load of -wealth, and load of anxiety, and how can they -carry any burden of love?</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a very small man</em>—a little fellow far<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span> -below all proportion; try to get some form to -admire, something to shape things to, and -some one who is not lost in a crowd completely, -who is too little to admire and too small for -beauty. You may need strong arms and -brave hands to protect you. You will need -hands to provide for and maintain you, and a -good form is a fine beginning of manhood or -womanhood.</p> - -<p>Mental greatness is not measured by size of -brain or bodily proportions. Great men are -neither always wise nor always large; they are -more often of more medium build, and well -balanced in gifts of mental and physical development. -Of the two, a very large man is -better than a small one, and a medium large -woman likewise.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry too young.</em> The right age to marry -is a matter of taste; twenty-one for girls, and -twenty-four for men may be a little arbitrary,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span> -but certainly is sensible. The happy early -marriages are rare. It too often happens that -love is mistaken, or poorly informed, or lacks -an anchor in good judgment. There is no use -of reasoning about it,—love is love, and will -marry in spite of reason, and in some cases it -runs away with its choice and repents it a -thousand times soon after.</p> - -<p>But be sensible, for a life contract should be a -sensible one. What is the use of throwing -away one season—skipping girlhood or boyhood -to rush into maturity and maternity? -The records of divorce courts tell the silly and -sorrowful stories of many a mismated pair, -married too young and slowly repenting of -their rashness. Ask of your truest friends; -take counsel; be above foolishness.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a villain.</em> Many a girl is ripe for an -adventure, and in appearance nothing more -resembles an angel than a keen and designing<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span> -villain—a thoroughbred; not a gambler merely, -but worse, a wreck! Such men may be wary, -artful, deceitful, attractive. They are crafty; -their trade compels it. They may be handsome, -often so; they may be oily and slick—most of -them are. They may live rich and expensive -lives for a season; ill-gotten gains are not lasting. -Heaven pity the girl that marries one -of these adventurers, for the end is bitterness! -A friend met one on the Pacific road, -married him, and learned to her sorrow that he -drank to excess, swore like a pirate, lived in -debauchery, and early offered to swap wives for -a season with a boon-companion. “And that -man,” she said, “was as handsome as a dude, -as slick as an auctioneer, as oily as a pedler; I -loved him only one day after marriage.”</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a hypocrite.</em> Of all things get sincerity. -Get the genuine article. If you get a -hypocrite, he is brass jewelry, and will easily<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span> -tarnish. Make careful inquiry, see that he is -all that he pretends to be, or never trust him. -The habit of deceit is one of a lifetime.</p> - -<p>Some join churches for no other reason than to -cloak iniquity. It is not the rule by any -means; it is a too common exception. One -who goes from city to city and captivates too -many by his oil of blandness; one who has no -business, an idler; one who apes the rich and is -ground down in poverty; one who lacks the -courage to live like himself and had rather live -a lie and deceive the world around him,—is an -unfit companion, and will bear watching.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a coquette.</em> One that is worn out by -a long list of discarded admirers is like stale -bread—worse every day and seldom grows better -by long standing. There are women, and -girls sometimes, who glory and revel in the -names of discarded lovers; whose sense of honesty -has been poisoned, numbed, and frozen by<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span> -cheating their victims through pretended affection, -until they have lost all heart or honesty; -who deserve to be left alone to ponder on their -cruelty for the balance of their miserable existence. -Of all the worst forms of flirting, coquetry -is the most detestable. It is not only -trifling away the time of both, but casting distrust -on the holiest of all sentiments, the purity -of womanhood. To steal money is honorable -compared to stealing affection.</p> - -<p>The habit of coquetry will, or may, last long after -marriage. She who practises it will follow up -in unpleasant references to her conquests, -wishing she had married at this offer or that, -and wear out the happiness of her last conquest -by a frequent reminder of his inferiority to the -others.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a woman for her money.</em> These people -are tenacious to a minute degree. They -long to remind you of my house, my property,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span> -my farm, my lots on Lincoln Avenue, my furniture, -my bank account, and the like—making -one a pensioner all his life for his board and -clothing. If there is any difference, it should be -with the man. He is expected to control property. -He is the master of his house, or the -manager of his expenses. Very naturally he -says “my” store or “my” lots, but it will sound -far more fair and considerate even if he says -“our” in lieu of “my” sometimes.</p> - -<p>The only fair way to act about it is to treat marriage -as a partnership where nobody owns all, -but each has an equal interest. It is fair to -divide a good portion of one’s property with -his wife, fair to deed her a nice homestead and -present her a given allowance—liberal as one’s -income will warrant—and let her draw from it -as her own, and not be a beggar each time she -needs money.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t elope to marry.</em> It is a weak affection that<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span> -cannot wait awhile. Jacob served seven years, -then seven more, for Rebecca. She was a fine -specimen of womanhood—as represented in -paintings; housekeeping was easy and inexpensive -then, but they patiently waited and -were handsomely rewarded.</p> - -<p>Ruth was an excellent example of girlhood. In -no great hurry to marry, taking the hardships -of travel, her devotion to her mother touched -the heart of a king, and she won a splendid -prize for her patience. She might have eloped -with a stage-driver or a coachman, and ended -her life with many less historical-society notices.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t dally about proposing.</em> What is it to ask a -fine girl to marry you? The simplest, easiest -thing on earth, if you “strike while the iron is -hot.” Go about it sensibly. To begin with, -you never expect much encouragement from a -discreet maiden; she is in the background; her<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span> -promise is to be invited; she is not her own -spokeswoman. Think of the embarrassment.</p> - -<p>I venture to say, if you like her, that you will say -so. Often you may have told her how fine her -eyes are, or how well you like her singing, or -talking, and her company; but when you ask -a simple question, you get down on your knees -(they do in novels, not in reality) and beg for -it. Nonsense! Such a girl is unworthy. Begging -is a silly fashion, seldom now indulged in, -all out of date, and no longer tolerated outside -of novels and theatres. Use a little sense -about it.</p> - -<p>Find out first if you have the right one, then settle -the matter in one of five ways: First, in the -parlor (don’t propose in church, or at a donation, -or in a crowd, or on a street-car, or while -the horse is prancing), get up your resolution -at the right moment and say: “Do we understand -each other, Clemantha?” Then, if she<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span> -doesn’t, explain it to her in a sensible fashion, -and in little short words that cannot be mistaken; -give her time, if necessary.</p> - -<p>The second way is, on a fine walk or drive, -“Would you like to walk always?” or, “If you -were to choose whom you would walk with forever, -who would it be?” She will say, “I don’t -care to be so personal.” Certainly then you -may be more explicit.</p> - -<p>Third, suppose you are to separate, what a grand -opportunity! See that you improve it earnestly. -To tell a girl that she is fairer than -flowers, clearer than coffee, and sweeter than -honey is old, very old, and uncalled-for. Tell -her she is what she is, and you like her with all -her surroundings; that you can better her condition -sometime. Dwell on the “sometime.”</p> - -<p>Be honest about it. If she doesn’t love you, let -her love some one else, and you will be surprised -to find how many pure and beautiful<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span> -beings there are all around you, holding their -finger-tips to hide a smile of welcome and -ready—“yes, Edgar”—eager to mate with one -worthy and ready to marry them, for marriage -is a natural hope of every right-minded woman.</p> - -<p>This is a fourth method: read aloud of characters -like Arden, Romeo, or Abelard, or Paul -and Virginia, and make your comments audibly. -You will not be long in tracing a conclusion. -Be a little ingenious about it, find out -through your sister. Prepare the way and -don’t ask until you find she is unpledged, remember; -or at least tarry long enough to be -reasonably certain. And what if refused? -No harm done. Like the German’s sugar, -“The other pound is shust so good as the -first one.”</p> - -<p>One man I know drew off a list of all his acquaintances -worthy of marriage, and went -about it like a regular wheat-buyer. He was a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span> -bachelor, of course, and very eccentric. Coming -to the first, he explained his object, concealing -all names, but saying she was first of a long list -furnished him by a friend (each one was first, -always); then he would say, “I will give you a -week to consider it, and no harm done; if not -then, I must pursue my list further.” Of all -the sold-out men, he was sold the cheapest! -He married a whole family. The first two -were disgusted, the third or fourth accepted. -This looks too much like a purchase and sale, -and don’t try the method.</p> - -<p>The last way is sensible; by writing—many a -proposal is in writing. Even in that be a little -guarded; once a no, yeses come with reluctance. -It is best not to give one an opportunity -to say no, but to parry long enough to test -the opposition. If it were a race-horse to buy, -a house to contract for, or a block to purchase, -it would not be very hard to strike a bargain.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span> -So that, once finding form, character, fitness, -affection, desire to be mated, go about the rest -by a direct and sensible method, and don’t -wear out the gate-hinges, burn out all the oil, -weary the old folks, or turn gray with anxiety, -but do it.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a drunkard.</em> He will promise, by all -that’s good, great, and holy, to reform. How -many more like him have made just such -promises? He can’t keep such a promise if he -would. Make him reform a couple of years at -least, on trial, before you marry him. It will -be time enough then to risk a life-partnership, -to chain your hopes to an unfortunate creature -whose sense and judgment are corrupted, not -by will, perhaps, but by habit stronger than -reason. With most men this habit becomes a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span> -desire. They are bound to feed the fire that -burns them. They have no voice in the matter, -and cannot, if they would, break the strong -fetters that bind them in irons, like the prison -bars confine their victims.</p> - -<p>It’s a sorry picture to behold a fair young girl -chained to a being with a will all lost and debauched -in appetite for drink; a section of the -land of departed evil spirits can only equal her -daily misery. Children must bear it, friends -submit to it, and all of character, sweetness of -temper, or refinement in one’s nature will revolt -at the coarseness of the wrecked and -wretched career of a drunkard’s life. He is an -object of pity, and a being to be shunned in -matrimony, no matter how many promises he -makes or how good he is otherwise.</p> - -<p>To avoid long sorrow, disgrace, and regret, avoid -him. If you had two lives and one to dispose -of, at any cost, mate with a drunkard and die a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span> -thousand deaths. Your health, peace, and happiness -will go with his.</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="indentquotebase">“Art thou mated with a clown,</div> -<div class="indentbase">Then the baseness of his nature</div> -<div class="indentbase">Will have weight to drag thee down.”</div> -</div></div></div> - -<p>Such a man will kill his wife, burn his own -child, sacrifice everything on earth when -scourged by this degrading passion. More -could be urged, but let the starving families, -the criminal courts, the idiotic children, tell the -rest: the story is too dreadful to dwell upon. -It is monstrous. Life becomes a burden, and -death a sweet release from such a cross. Of -all the matches on earth, the most to be -dreaded and avoided is the drunkard’s wife.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a fast man or woman.</em> Something -tells us that black logs will darken the whitest -garments. The edge of virtue once dulled -is never quite so keen afterwards. It may be<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span> -very well to speak slightingly of wild oats, -but who cares to know that their oats are -a second crop? Who is willing to believe -that they are the last resort of one who has -pleaded and pledged to hundreds or even dozens -before her, or waits an opportunity to -make as many more pledges as occasion may -offer? Fast men are not satisfied with one -vice merely, but follow on to many. They -may drink, gamble, sport, and venture, and step -by step indulge in the kindred vices of lewdness, -till disease shall fasten its clutches in -their burning blood and run in their veins for a -lifetime. They are rarely satisfied with one -home, one wife, and one family.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a foreigner</em>,—one who comes from a -far-away country and returns to it. It is very -uncertain; think ahead carefully. The new -and strange customs of his country may and -may not be congenial. They may be a dreary<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span> -dream of home and early separation. Think -of the ties of friendship, the cords of affection -twined and woven around your nature; ties -that are not severed without many pangs of -sorrow. Life is a short, strange journey, and, -make it when we will or where we will, it is -pleasant to be made with company. Those -who know us best will love us most if we deserve -it, and few will continue on in friendship -long after we go to strange and unknown -countries. A stranger neighbor soon comes -nearer than a long-absent friend whom we -never hear from.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a spendthrift.</em> The habit of living -is formed early. Either one is bent on rising -or going lower. As water seeks its level, so -men seek their ambition and find it. Prosperity -comes not on silver trays, ready-made and -ready for use to everybody; most men work for -it, strive for it, and deserve it. The sons of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span> -rich, who inherit property and have formed the -habit of useless spending, are a little bit lower -than the poor. It is not disgraceful at all to -be born poor; but to become so after once being -rich, and that through reckless spending, -is a dishonor to any one. “One thing we can -be proud of,” said Ingersoll; “we’ve made some -improvement on the original implements and -the common stock.”</p> - -<p>A young man who lives on his father’s earnings -has very little to boast of, but one who squanders -his inheritance in riotous living is an object -of contempt and ridicule. “He is one of -the old man’s pensioners,” said a business man -lately of a rich man’s son. “But for his father’s -thrift he would be a beggar; he lives like -a refined beggar on the food furnished by another. -What a brilliant genius he is!”</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry your cousin.</em> It may be very tempting; -relatives are often warmly attached to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span> -each other from long and intimate acquaintance. -Remember that constantly thrown in -each other’s society will often create such attachments. -With many persons, marriage of -blood relations will more or less lead to deafness, -blindness, or deformity. It may skip one -generation and find another. It may result in -disease and weakness. It may be all right, -but seven to eight it is risky and uncertain, -and you can’t afford to be uncertain in such -matters.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry too far above or below you.</em> There is -no such thing as station in this country, like -the titles and surroundings of Europe; but -ignorance mated with refinement must be lost -and confused, and ill at ease every hour.</p> - -<p>Such matches are hasty, and poorly considered. -They lead to gossip and resentment of relatives, -and an uncomfortable ill-feeling, seldom -cured for a full generation. If one has beauty<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span> -and refinement and is poor, never mind the -poverty; the good qualities are more than a -balance. But the marriage of a millionaire’s -daughter with a coachman is supreme folly. It -ends in disunion, and never in harmony. Water -and oil will as soon mix as such elements. -Avoid them.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a doubly divorced man or woman</em>: it’s -risky. Something is wrong surely. One divorce -should cure any one. Two is a profusion. -It may be that the doubly divorced is -innocent,—he will claim to be; but if he seeks a -new party to a possible divorce case (it will be -a habit by this time), tell him to wait a little -longer. Grass widows may be very lovable -creatures, but unless their other halves were -clearly blamable, beyond reasonable question, -give them a wide road and avoid them entirely. -It is a very bad sign, possibly a habit, that a -man and woman mate and divide soon after;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span> -the fault may belong to either, and most likely -relates to both, in similar proportions.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a miser.</em> Of all the old “curmudgeons” -on earth, deliver me from crabbed, narrow-minded, -pinch-penny, miserable misers.</p> - -<p>They begrudge you your meals and clothing. -They count your shillings and control your pin -purchases; they make life a burden, by owning -much and using little, and eternally twit you of -every quarter used ever so sparingly.</p> - -<p>Life is made to live in and enjoy. We make only -one journey. We need not open up our purses -and leak out the pennies, just to see them roll -around promiscuously; but cutting notches on a -stick for each one of them, and never spending, -even for necessaries, without dread and grudging, -is intolerable. I had rather be poor and -enjoy something.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry too far apart in ages.</em> June and December -is a long, long distance in matrimony.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span> -Some people are as young-hearted at sixty as -others are at forty. Some men at forty-five -have hardly reached their manhood. But old, -white-headed men, marrying girls in their teens—servants -generally—are pitiable spectacles. -To the girl it is suicide; to the man sheer folly; -no need of marrying the man. The girl is the -most interested in this don’t sentence. Why -not, if you love him? This is the reason, not -jealousy,—that is a partial reason,—but consistency. -Think of a trip round the world or -across the continent with one older than your -father, to be called your husband, to be your -husband! It must be humiliating. It is annoying. -It is foolishly silly and inconsistent. -Money is a small compensation for such a sacrifice. -Love, and love only, should govern marriage, -and I doubt its sincerity when the difference -goes beyond reason.</p> - -<p>Marry one whom you trust, admire, respect, look<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span> -up to, and confide in, can be true to, and -one whom you love from good and earnest motives. -“Respect is a cold lunch in a dark dining-room. -Love is a picnic in the woods.” -Think of a picnic and an old man escort!</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry too old.</em> Be in earnest about it. -Here is the thought in a nut-shell:</p> - -<p class="center" style="margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:-0.25em">TOO OLD TO LOVE.</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="indenttwo">I.</div></div> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="indentquotebase">“I never loved but one,” she said;</div> -<div class="indentquotebase">“I loved him just for fun,” she said;</div> -<div class="indentbase">And, saying this, she swung her head—</div> -<div class="indentbase">Had she been frank, they had been wed.</div> -<div class="indentbase">I saw her at a ball that night,</div> -<div class="indentbase">Her eyes so dark and face so white,</div> -<div class="indentbase">Her tone and manner wild delight;</div> -<div class="indentbase">I knew she served him not aright.</div></div> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="indenttwo">II.</div></div> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="indentquotebase">“I am too old to love,” she said;</div> -<div class="indentquotebase">“The one I loved in fun is dead!<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span></div> -<div class="indentbase">I plant these flowers above his head,</div> -<div class="indentbase">Here lies my idol, dead!” she said.</div> -<div class="indentquotebase">“’Tis sad to think it might have been;</div> -<div class="indentbase">’Tis sadder yet to feel my sin.</div> -<div class="indentbase">Love learns too late; but then, but then,</div> -<div class="indentbase">He loved me once—the best of men.</div></div> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="indenttwo">III.</div></div> -<div class="stanza"> -<div class="indentquotebase">“I never see a pure, good face,</div> -<div class="indentbase">Nor painting outlines ever trace,</div> -<div class="indentbase">But he is near, his love is dear,</div> -<div class="indentbase">Had I been earnest; he were here!”</div> -<div class="indentbase">She veiled her dark eyes with her hand;</div> -<div class="indentbase">I turned away,—“True love is grand,”</div> -<div class="indentbase">I murmured, in an undertone;</div> -<div class="indentquotebase">“Life gives no more than love of one.”</div> -</div></div></div> - -<p><em>Don’t marry odd sizes.</em> A tall man with a little -woman looks awkward enough; but a tall -woman with a little, tiny man is a misfit, surely.</p> - -<p>See if you can’t find someone of your size, as the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span> -school-lads say in a wrestle. Pair off like -soldiers in time of dress parade, with an eye to -unity.</p> - -<p>This caution relates to extremes, of course, and -not to small variances. Some change and grow -portly after marriage, but none get very much -taller after twenty-four.</p> - -<p>Just for the looks of the thing, pair off in uniform -lines.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a man or woman without a character.</em> -Soon enough you’ll see the value of this caution. -Character is a matter that grows through a lifetime, -but enough of it crops out early to be -noticed. One is known not only by his company -but by his habits, his tastes, and his inclinations. -It is said that some whole families -are born fast; some thievish, some inclined to -crabbedness, others mild, upright, honest, and -reliable. It runs in the blood in some cases.</p> - -<p>Suppose one is to marry for virtue, purity, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span> -uprightness, he will seek it in the blood as much -as he would look for quality in a racer.</p> - -<p>If a woman loves a rakish “man of the world,” -so called,—a name too often used to varnish a -bad character,—she will very easily find him -around the different bar-rooms of almost any -crowded hotel in the city or village. He will -be after marriage what he was before.</p> - -<p>Tell me where a man goes, and I will tell you what -he is. If he is fast, he will cultivate fast habits, -live a rapid life, and earn that character very -early. If these are the traits you are looking -for, “inquire within” and you will find them. It -may be a woman you are asking about, a girl -for a wife, a life-long companion. Which are -you seeking for? A dashy, fly-away dancer, -or a domestic home-lover, and one whom you -can trust with your keys, your secrets, your -conscience? Look to her character. In either -case, the man or woman has lived somewhere.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span> -Find out about it,—how long, how well, how -faithfully.</p> - -<p>A well-to-do widow, was crazy to marry a man -that she fancied, and who actually refused to -give more than his name and hotel, and no -references. On careful inquiry such a person -was known by no less than two to four names,—changed -to suit circumstances. The spell -was broken, the match ended.</p> - -<p>Men and women often rush into matrimony as -game is run into a trap, for the little tempting -bait set to catch them (a catch-as-catch-can -race). They marry and risk a life-long happiness -on less actual information of each other’s -real nature than a good horseman would exact -of his carriage horse’s pedigree. This may do -in the country, but never will answer in a city. -Sense and reason dictate that men and women, -to enjoy each other’s society, should see well to -the match beforehand. A fine hand, a small<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span> -foot, a becoming hat, a twist of the head, a -simper, or a half-witty saying will do well in -their places; but colors must <em>wash</em> and <em>wear</em> to -stand a lifetime.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a clown.</em> A silly fellow that jokes -on every subject never did amount to anything, -and never will. All he says may be very -funny, very; but how many times can he be -funny?</p> - -<p>Fun will grow stale and threadbare; one cannot -live by it. Life is a trip that costs car fare, wash -bills, board bills, trinkets, notions, and actual -outlays. Real providers are never clowns; the -clownish fellow is a favorite in school-days. He -is so cute, just as cute as a cotton hat, so cunning, -so witty, so nice. Is he? Wait a few -years, until his nice nonsense turns to active -business!</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a dude.</em> Of all milk-and-water -specimens, a dude is the lowest,—a little removed<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span> -from nothing; a dressed-up model for a -tailor-shop (sometimes it’s in woman form); a -street flirt, a hotel-step gazer, an eye-glass -ogler, a street strut; one who finds his enjoyment -in the looking-glass—a masher.</p> - -<p>Very many are called, but few are chosen. The -many that are called are ridiculed. The time -will come when a tailor’s suit and a fancy outfit -will no more make one respectable than it -would make a gentleman of a wooden Indian -in front of a cigar-stand.</p> - -<p>Men, real men of business, and men fit to marry, -are not dudes, but manly, upright beings, with -sense, integrity, and genius or industry; who -come upon the stage of life as real actors in its -affairs, not as “supes” and sham soldiers in -“Pinafore” battle-scenes, where a few parade -in fancy feathers as commodores for the amusement -of spectators.</p> - -<p>Life is too earnest to spend on silly, tawdry, fancy<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span> -colors or showy clothing; and the one who has -the less of it is the most likely to be marked for -a gentleman, and the brand will be correctly -designated. With women, no less than men, is -this silly street-walking habit quite prevalent. -A flirting woman on a public street is a sorry -picture; even one who stoops to notice her -must secretly know her measure. She deceives -no one, for her character, like the dude’s, is so -transparent that no one mistakes its meaning. -The habit of going nowhere for nothing is as -foolish as it is injurious.</p> - -<p>Character grows out of little things. It may be -that being seen with a disreputable person three -times, or even once, will change the whole -current of our career. Don’t practise the vices -of dudes nor the habits of street flirts.</p> - -<p><em>Do not marry a boy or girl who is not good at -home.</em> That is the golden test of duty,—to do -one’s duty alone, away from the eyes of men<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span> -and the notice of the world; to be good from a -right disposition.</p> - -<p>There is no safer rule to marry by than this: “She -loves her mother, and isn’t afraid to work. She -has a good name at home among her near -neighbors. She is neat, sweet, and tidy. Seven -days each week she is never off guard, always -a lady.”</p> - -<p>And of a man may it be said, “He is a man, take -him all in all; he is manly, he is truthful; he -loves his home; he treats his sisters and mother -kindly. He is capable of good deeds, and incapable -of mean ones. He has a good name.” -He deserves success, and it will follow him. He -is plain, perhaps, but man outgrows it. He is -not a painting, an imitation, a counterfeit, but -simply a man. He will do to marry; so will -she, the last-named.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry from pity.</em> It may be akin to love, -but the kinship is quite distant. Many a weak<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span> -woman has so married, and only once regretted -it—each and every day afterwards. A life-long -regret must follow. What a cold respect is -that compliment to any woman, “I took pity -on her!” Away with such base uses of pity! -Many a woman has had pity on a rakish man -or a drunkard and married him to reform his -nature. Better, far better, trust a child with a -runaway horse or a mad dog. Danger seen -and not avoided is criminal carelessness. Surely -you can save one life, and its happiness, in such -cases. One is quite enough to be sacrificed. -Let bravery be shown by demanding a full -surrender and reasonable atonement.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry for an ideal marriage only.</em> The girlish -dream of marriage is so wide of the reality -as to be dangerous. She is to grow up and go -away, off to Italy, or some far-away clime of -sunshine; there to be taught music and the -classics. On some clear moonlight evening, in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span> -a summer-time, where birds sing all day long, -near a brook or flower-garden, she is to be surprised -by a creature of form and make and -mental endowment that shall thrill her whole -being into rapturous joy. They will go to the -parlor, and there, by a grand-piano, she will unseal -the pent-up currents of her heart, till tears -flow from all eyes around her; there she will -seem to hear the childhood melodies, the song -of departed friends, the harmony of all the -senses, mingling in one sweet welcome to her -new-found happiness.</p> - -<p>Her prisoned soul is no longer grovelling in common -themes; all the latent power of her being is -to burst forth in gladness; and music of the -heart is to bear her up until the cottage walls -are narrow, till flowers and falling water, brilliant -company, ease and riches, smile upon her -glad career.</p> - -<p>She is to be lifted up, and raised to heights before<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span> -unknown to mortals. He of whom she -dreams of now is fit for Paradise. Finer and -finer every day will his genius grow, and nearer -to her liking every hour. There is just such -joy and just such glory in a new-born love, that -seems to reach a grander height each moment, -as on eagle’s wings.</p> - -<p>And this is but the generous dream that Nature -gives, as a preface to a real life after,—so very, -very different. The girl that twines her tender -arms around her mother’s neck, and thrills with -joyous pride in telling of the brilliant prize -that’s offered her, thinks not of rainy days -ahead. Perhaps it is just as well; who would -begrudge her such half-hours of happiness? -But, seeing sometime she must break the spell -and know all, it may be safe to drop a hint in -season, and say, This way lies safety, that way -danger!</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a man of even doubtful character.</em><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span> -No matter how handsome or brilliant, a bad -man has in him elements that are always repulsive; -they are poison to his blood and his surroundings, -and the only safe guide is his character.</p> - -<p>No matter how many promises of reformation; -you need not turn reformer for his sake. If -you will take the risk, do it after he proves -himself reformed, and be in no great haste -about it.</p> - -<p>No amount of spicing and seasoning can make -tainted meat palatable, and no amount of -promising will reclaim a character tainted with -vicious habits once seated.</p> - -<p>Young ladies who enter upon the reforming mission -furnish more women and children for -prisons, later in life, by their own misfortunes -than any one class. Cases of reclaimed men -after marriage are so rare as to be exceptional. -It’s always a dangerous experiment.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry too cautiously as to perfection.</em> It has -before been fully stated that men and women -are human, and imperfect. That is, if you are -hunting angels it’s a fool’s errand; there are -none unpledged. If you look for tall, handsome, -rich, manly, cultivated, talented, brilliant -men, or pure, refined, fascinating, beautiful -women, and one for each man the world over, -the supply never equals the demand of either -sex.</p> - -<p>But to presume that the persons marked under -head of “don’t marry” cover all the rest is -unreasonable. There are thousands of noble -women and men, possessed of sterling sense, -strong bodies, affectionate natures, ability to -conduct a home, become a genial companion, -raise a family, shine in society, and bear their -full share of life’s earnest work. Occasionally -a man or woman will tower above their fellows, -but, generally, the real difference is less than is<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span> -often supposed. The great majority are good, -and live and go to their reward unheard of outside -of their neighborhood.</p> - -<p>One has put it rather strongly in this, to many: -“The lives of men and women, the best of -them, are marred and ruined by uncongenial -marriages. They mostly suffer in silence, -ashamed to complain of the chain they cannot -break. Men and woman cannot know what -their sweethearts will be after marriage. I have -known a sensitive man, a genius with a soul like -a star, whose life was a pilgrimage over burning -coals, because his wife was a coarse termagant. -Many a gifted woman, fit to be a queen or an -empress, is chained to a clod of a husband, -whose forced companionship is to her the tortures -of Inferno.”</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry expecting all the virtues in one person.</em> -If you do, the disappointment will be startling. -There are no perfect characters. History gives<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span> -none since the Saviour. Even Joseph was -willing to punish his enemies.</p> - -<p>The majority of men and women are good and -pure and fair-looking. The numbers who go to -the bad are few compared to the good. Take -the country population, and ninety per cent -will be good; and sixty per cent of all cities are -people of fair characters.</p> - -<p>It is a mistake to think that most people are bad -because the bad ones get so often chronicled in -public journals. The good, like the virtuous, -live and die and demand no praise of their -virtue. The great mass of men are sensible, -and honest and upright and sober, and worthy -to marry.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t break a marriage abruptly.</em> This is the -wrong way to break a bad match. It intensifies -affection. It leads to elopement, or that -slow canker in a girl’s nature ending in melancholy, -or insanity.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span></p> - -<p>Love is a plant so tender that to uproot or transplant -it may touch a vital part. There are -ways enough to change its current; but of all -food to increase its growth, give it a little opposition. -Tell a child to leave something alone, -and he sulks to touch it. Tell a girl that the -man she admires is distasteful to her relatives, -and she half despises them from a simple motive -of resentment. Lead her by reason to see -with her own eyes, and she will be convinced.</p> - -<p>The great London actor, Garrick, played the -drunkard to disenchant a girl, and succeeded. -Her parents might have tried it a lifetime and -failed. Human nature is queer. It will lead -when the way is enticing. It will magnify -discoveries, but they must be discovered in the -right manner. Remove not the prop till the -safety of the structure is secure without it.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t oppose one’s marriage choice suddenly.</em> Should -a girl fall in love with one of bad character, it is<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span> -best not to call him so at one breath; but say, -“What are his habits? Is he good enough -and worthy of so pure and comely a person as -you are?” Let this task be performed by some -girl of same age and class as the one you seek -to change. Let them be often together, and -find ways of expressing the objections by this -method—coming from a classmate, a friend, a -chum or companion—and your object may be -easily accomplished. A proposed absence without -showing why, a long journey with genial -company, may have the desired effect. At -least use one caution; see that the girl knows -the real habits and character of the man you -are opposed to her marrying. It will do more -than all the urging, scolding, coaxing, or threatening.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry for spite.</em> Why should you? If the -one whom you loved most has deceived you -and taken another, it will be folly to try to punish<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span> -him by hanging yourself, or committing a -double suicide in a loveless marriage.</p> - -<p>You will learn this lesson all too dearly when it’s -over. Life is too short for those who love it -and are well mated; but many a miserable marriage -has made one or the other wish for death -a million times, to be rid of its burden.</p> - -<p>You are the one most interested. You will find -out, after the knot is tied, that there are many -conditions in life better and easier to be endured -than a silly marriage to spite some one. -You will spite them better by showing what a -noble choice they had missed when they took -another in your place.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t propose on a wash-day, in the rain, at -breakfast, or in a tunnel.</em> There is no room -for fainting in the former, and a narrow chance -for time in the latter.</p> - -<p>Many ladies have singular notions on how proposals -should be accepted, and to such any<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span> -rudeness is extremely shocking. A very modest -fellow, in deep anxiety, took up his fair -lady’s cat, and said, “Pussy, may I marry your -mistress?” when the young lady replied, “Say -yes, pussy, when he gets brave enough to ask -for her.” More than likely this brought the -young fellow to his senses. It certainly brought -matters to a crisis.</p> - -<p>Most young people talk to each other as though -a tall stone wall stood between them and they -must find a door in it. Strange enough, the -difference in views vanishes at the merest mention -of each other’s sentiments.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t mitten a mechanic</em>, simply on account of his -business. If he is worthy, never mind his business. -He can grow out of it, and will grow out -of it. Collier was a blacksmith, Wilson a shoemaker, -Andrew Johnson a tailor, Peter Cooper -a glue-maker, Grant a tanner, and Lincoln the -humblest of farmers. In this country it is not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span> -a question what a man was, but what he is; -not even what he is, but what he may be, and -what he is capable of yet attaining.</p> - -<p>Many a girl has turned away a mechanic and married -a rich loafer, only to find in good season -that the mechanic was at heart a gentleman, -with growing possibilities, and the loafer remained -such for all time.</p> - -<p>Advice is seldom heeded in such matters, but it -may do to mention it. The true test of manhood -is seen in the mettle of boyhood. If you -wish to forecast the future, study the past history -of your subject. If one is selfish, tyrannical, -and overbearing by being rich, he will be -a bad man to marry. If, on the other hand, he -is pleasant, kind, genial, and forbearing, loves -his kind, is attentive to his mother and sisters, -and has made friends and character in early life, -he is not very likely to change his notions -later. There is often more manhood in a poor -one-armed man than a rich athlete.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a man too poor.</em> It is the height of -folly to mate, and attempt to raise seven children -on what will bring up three indifferently. -Have a little discretion. Think that eating, -dressing, etc., cost something, and no one can -live happily without some of these common -comforts. If they cannot buy them single, it is -folly to double one’s misery by marrying in the -jaws of starvation. It is suicide: it is worse,—it -is double suicide, and may lead to pauperism -and crime and disgrace.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry where the woman is older than the -man.</em> Men are restless creatures and exacting. -They expect grace, beauty, and refinement; -they prefer youth to age, generally. At least it -is the fashion to marry a wife some years younger -than the husband. Women mature earlier; -they have less expectancy of long life, and on -an average live seven to ten years less, and show -age at fifty more than a man does at sixty-five.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span> -Of the two, a woman should look smaller and -younger and better than a man. This accords -with the belief of all refined people.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a crank.</em> This class of men will be -wordy and persuasive. They tell all sorts of -stories of life,—how the world is mismade; how -they could improve upon this thing or that; -how marriages should be made between blondes -and brunettes; how, with their philosophy, society -would reach perfection.</p> - -<p>Such men are invariably tyrannical. They are exacting -to the last degree; they have neither -faith, hope, nor charity, but run in one groove. -They distrust the powers that be, and generally -mount some hobby, and forever prattle about -the rights of free love or the wrongs of government. -Avoid them as you would a tramp.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry fine feathers.</em> Chesterfield was <em>well -up</em> on manners, and gave his son this rule, -among his twenty-one maxims to marry by:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span> -“Let not the rustling of silk entrap you into -matrimony.” Fine clothing has a certain fascination -to many. Some choose a wife by the -becoming effect of a tasty garment. Some -select a fine dancer; others rely upon a small -hand or a petite form. These points may be -all well noted, but they are but parts of a -greater whole that should govern a wise selection.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a “masher”—man or woman.</em> A -regular professional flirt will never settle down -to love one woman or one man. Habits once -formed will cling to them in after-life. They -are like runaway teams—liable to take fright -and go when least expected.</p> - -<p>Civil attention, by a lady or gentleman, to the -other sex is natural and courteous, but the -thought that every fair lady is common prey is -repulsive. The traveller who avoids all vacant -car-seats but the nearest to a handsome young<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span> -woman, and forces his conversation against her -will, has an eye to his business of one more conquest; -but the too often insulted woman who -complains of over-attention from gentlemen is -generally one who walks much unattended and -shows some willingness to be not wholly unnoticed.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry without love.</em> It will be plain enough -after a while. You will not mind it at first, -perhaps, but the time will come when, by a -song, or a face, or a voice, or a form, you will -awake as from a dream, to find you have -chosen carelessly. It will be too late then. A -loveless marriage may stand throughout a -honeymoon. It may last in youth, but not -when storms and trials <a id="Ref_54"></a>come in after-years. -It lacks that something which words do not -well express,—continuity, heart-bound devotion, -and endurance.</p> - -<p>No matter how plain each or either may be, if<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span> -they love each other they will overlook little -things, and live patiently and happily to the -end. But once, at least, must come this joy and -glory of wedlock, that seems to be the wise -design of Nature,—a love for one another. It -endures through age and trouble, and is a more -lasting tie than all others together.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry an idle spendthrift</em>; one whose -money comes without effort at first, and goes as -rapidly, will one day come to want as certainly -as waters reach their level. Nature has fashioned -us all for work,—work of mind or work -of body, mental or physical labor,—and with it -comes strength of muscle and of will. Listless -life of idleness, without motive, without aim, -is open to every form of temptation.</p> - -<p>It is not a crime to be rich, or to be poor. It is a -crime to be listless in a busy world. He would -be disgraced who, standing on a wharf, saw a -drowning crew without offering relief. He<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span> -would be a coward who would not defend a -woman in distress; yet all around us are the -needy, helpless, drowning, starving, whom it is -our duty to rescue and lift up in life; and marriage -is the place where society is born, and -grows and ripens into use.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a stingy man</em>; of all narrow, mean -men, he is worst who has money, and has no -will to do good with it. A “dog-in-the-manger” -man, who can improve his town, his church, his -neighborhood, and does not, is a drone in life’s -hive and deserves no success.</p> - -<p>One who is poor and has no means is excusable; -one who locks and buries treasures deserves -the Bible sentence of him who hid his talent in -the earth—to be taken from him and placed -with the active one’s talent.</p> - -<p>A narrow, selfish, stingy man will count your pennies -spent, and postage used, and clothing -worn, as wasted. One must live in constant<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span> -dread of such a creature—we need not name -him man; it would disgrace the term. A -miser’s wife lives a loveless life.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry too hastily.</em> Some rush into matrimony -like a steam-engine going to put out a -fire, as though one moment lost would be -eternal defeat, and the first there gain the -highest prize. Many a one has repented more -leisurely and in sorrow for such conduct. But -of all things, marry at a good opportunity.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t be too slow about it.</em> Girls who give up the -society of all but one, and turn their homes -into special receptions for one person, will be -worried to death in a year or two, if things -move too moderately.</p> - -<p>Brace up and proceed to business, or release your -claim and let some one else have an opportunity. -Long engagements lead to lovers’ quarrels; -they, in turn, fail to make up sometimes, -and then follow scandal and gossip over broken<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span> -ties; and later two go down to their early sleep -disheartened, ruined by a trifling neglect and -a reasonable inventory of prospects. You will -see it all plainly when it is over. It will be a -“might have been” then, sure enough, but too -late.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a silly girl.</em> It’s something of an art -to select a sensible person, but many are captivated -by frivolous sayings and coquettish acts -of simpering school-girls and marry them. -They make better playmates than wives. They -are generally shallow, nonsensical, and superficial. -They seldom learn anything; a tittering -girl is wearisome in real life. They are ever -unstable as water and changeable as wind; get -some one that you can rely upon in confidence.</p> - -<p><em>Avoid slovenly dressed girls or heedless men.</em> -Life seems very short sometimes, but if ill-mated -it may be a long and tiresome life. A -woman with shoes run down, a man with<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span> -slouched and battered hat, reckless of neatness, -will grow worse, and seldom better.</p> - -<p>Trifling as it may appear, the tidy dress, the tasty -every-day apparel, the ladylike appearance, and -general style of man or woman, go a long -way to form character. Beecher was right in -saying that “clothes do not make the man, -but they make him look better after he is -made.” The same rule is true of women.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t expect too much in marriage.</em> The story -pen-pictures and fashion-plate models of men -that we see and read about are always exaggerated. -Not one man in a million would equal -their description. Men are plain flesh-and-blood -creatures; women are not angels. They -build their hopes too high who expect otherwise. -Take the handsomest person you know -and ten years’ wear will dull the edges; and of -all faded features, the once very handsome show -change the soonest. There are many little odd-faced<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span> -fellows who grow up to be fine manly -men. The growth from boyhood or girlhood -to youth, and youth to manhood or womanhood, -and so on to old age, is marvellous. It takes a -keen sense of foresight to measure the future -of many boys and girls by their beginning. -There is no rule safer than choosing a good -form, a good brain, a good temper, and a good -character, and waiting for the other developments.</p> - -<p>Endure what cannot be cured, and don’t wish -your wife or husband were as handsome as some -neighbor or as rich as some nabob. Youth and -good qualities are riches. It may be he is -richer by far than the very one envied. The -richest are not always those who own the most—many -of these are poor indeed, and often -miserable.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a fop.</em> Vanity in a woman is bad -enough, in men it is intolerable! A man-milliner,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span> -a namby-pamby female male, a walking -model for ready-made furnishing-stores, may -think himself exceedingly stunning, but to a real -lady or gentleman he is a nonentity. Such -husbands never could be satisfied with the admiration -you would give them; they would -weary your mirrors and try your patience. -What are they good for, anyway? There is -room for women and room for men, but a half-woman -or a half-man is never great. They are -not very likely to marry at all, and less likely -to make home happy.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t expect everything of one person.</em> Some expect -to marry love, beauty, talent, riches, and -affection all in one. It is unreasonable; you -will never find it, and may as well give up looking -in good season.</p> - -<p>“Waukeen” Miller was requested to rewrite an -article sent to a New York magazine and returned -this pithy reply: “I can’t re-copy it. I<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span> -can’t do everything. What do you expect of a -man, anyway—to be a genius, an inventor, and a -writing-teacher? No, I can’t bother my brains -with copying worth four to six hundred a year -at the highest.” This covers the whole subject -in a sentence. But it is well to add that Nature -is sparing of her gifts. To one she allots -beauty, to another strength, to another wisdom, -to a third courage, to a fourth ability to -acquire riches, to another that to write and -speak, to teach, to manage, to paint, or to control -armies: all are not alike, and to no one belong -all virtues.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t expect too much of a wife.</em> If she is beautiful, -that will be her pride and ideal. If plain, -she may make it up a thousand times in goodness, -gentleness, industry, virtue (the plainest -are the least tempted). Earnest in her duty, she -may be of all women the most suited to your -station. If talented, she will devote herself to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span> -it. You cannot own beauty, talent, domestic -drudgery all in one.</p> - -<p>“Looking for angels, are you?” said an advanced -maiden in the country. “Well, you’ll not find -’em fit for kitchen work; and, while I think of -it, how would you look by the side of an -angel, you brute you?” and he subsided.</p> - -<p>No, they are not much suited to kitchen work, -the so-called angels; but many a mother who -has brought up a large family as her own -kitchen maid, without servants, who has braved -the hardships of poverty and privation, has -led a life but little lower than the angels, after -all.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry and cross your husband.</em> While on -this division, don’t cross your wife just at dinner-time. -After the cares of business he is -tired, fretful, and she is of similar humor. To -make a dispute is much easier than to make a -coal fire. Wait!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span></p> - -<p>Don’t flash up and speak back, and irritate by -quick answer. Wait!</p> - -<p>If man or woman could only wait in seasons of -anger, all would blow over and harmony return -like spring flowers, that are not always in -blossom.</p> - -<p>Don’t both speak at once, nor both get angry at -once, nor both be too determined at once. No -one is ever convinced by angry tones. It is -horribly repulsive to talk so; besides, you will -both be sorry for it very many times. Wait, -and let your judgment mature after dinner; -quarrel, if you must, in whispers; that is the -new fashion. Try the newer form.</p> - -<p>About ten thousand new divorces could be prevented -each year by observing these rules of -common sense and reason. When will married -people and unmarried people, and lovers -and neighbors, learn how pleasant peace is, and -how awkward it is to quarrel together?</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[65]</a></span></p> - -<p>One man pounds his finger with a tack-hammer -and blames his wife for <a id="Ref_65"></a>it a month later; one -man’s goose gets in a neighbor’s garden and is -killed—perhaps served him right—and yet they -are sworn enemies for five years later; and not -until some child is rescued from a burning -building or a mad dog, by the enemy neighbor -do the two know how pleasant and useful it is -to dwell in harmony.</p> - -<p>Families who have been estranged for years are -some day—ah, some day!—called to look into -the sightless eyes that once flashed in anger, or -lay away in its earthy home the form they -shunned for some trifling answer in a passion. -If we knew how soon, how cautious we would -be! Life is so short to quarrel and make up -in; they who quarrel may never make up.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry in fun.</em> Be in earnest about a matter -of so much moment. It may seem funny -to a lot of girls out on a sleigh-ride to call in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[66]</a></span> -some one and wind up an escapade by a double -wedding; but few of such marriages ever end -well.</p> - -<p>Sudden and ill-considered matches are mismatches. -You may have a mother, a sister, or -a family to consult; then the old-fashioned -way is the best. It’s a left-handed marriage at -best that will not allow the forms used for ages -to strengthen its solemnity.</p> - -<p>Let the world know by open dealing that you -have married above any secrecy, elopement, or -underhanded fashion. Be brave enough to -follow the form of society in a manner that -concerns every neighbor and every relative.</p> - -<p>Marry at home or at church, in good form, without -display; marry according to the best usage -of the best people, and you will reap some -benefit from the sensible conclusion.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry without an eye to comfort.</em> A man -that expects to live thirty years or more with<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[67]</a></span> -a partner will investigate his likes and dislikes; -so should a woman. Are you ready to attend -a cattle ranch and brave the frontier? Then -look the matter clearly in the face at the first -hint of the man’s proposal who expects it.</p> - -<p>Do you prefer the city to the country? Look -to the earliest opportunity. Can you endure a -soldier’s absence, or wait for an explorer? or -will you prefer a domestic relation that brings -you both under one roof daily? These questions -should be answered soon enough to prevent -regret, remorse, or separation. The greatest -of all dangers in marriage is the color-blindness -of lovers: they never use but one color—rose -color—till a few weeks after the wedding.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t spurn a man for his poverty.</em> “Prosperity is -the parent of friends; misfortune is the fire by -which they are tried.” One may be poor by an -honest failure, another may be rich on ill-gotten<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[68]</a></span> -gains. The first the lord of honor, the -last a prosperous knave.</p> - -<p>“I would give it all willingly and work by the -day if we could be placed back where we were, -and be free from the worry and dread and -anxiety,” said a rich man’s wife to a waiting -friend by her sick bedside.</p> - -<p>Who does not know of poor, plain boys who endured -the poverty of youth, struggled with -their studies, carved out a fortune as from -flinty marble, and enjoyed it in maturer years, -all the more for the effort it cost them, all the -more likely to last and continue to bless other -generations?</p> - -<p>Franklin commenced poor with a penny loaf; -Greeley was homely and awkward. Few would -have looked for Lincoln’s rise. Giddings and -Collier and Garfield all started low on the -ladder, and ended high in honor and worthy of -any woman’s affection.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[69]</a></span></p> - -<p>If we could only get near enough to Genius to -comprehend its superior worth; if we could -reverence talent and admire integrity and take -true measure of prospective greatness, what -a fortune we would possess!</p> - -<p>Like high-priced lots in large cities, the discoverers -of rare locations seldom knew the value of -their purchases. It takes time for development; -more time in genius and character than -we are always ready to wait for; but the far-seeing -are always rewarded, so with the prizes -of matrimony.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry and expect a husband to be wealthy -while young.</em> Only the older men should be -looked to for high financial standing. In a -hopeful country like ours, few are rich under -fifty, seldom under sixty.</p> - -<p>Young men who earn their education, and begin -and learn a business are barely partners at thirty -or thirty-five. It takes time to prosper. Several<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[70]</a></span> -mistakes may be made. Scarcely a wholesale -house in New York or Boston has run on -twenty years without a failure. Failure is the -rule, success the exception. Patience, pluck, -and perseverance win the victory, but they -who spend freely in the forenoon have little -left in the evening. Those who save early -double in like ratio later on.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry in opposite religious views.</em> If possible, -marry near your own belief. This may -seem strained, but the story of divorces will -confirm its wisdom. Children and parents very -often disagree on religious subjects. The -farmer’s “Betsey and I are out” controversy, -“was a difference in our creed. And the -more we argued the matter, the less we ever -agreed.”</p> - -<p>It is pleasant to agree on a subject so vital in -families, more especially so in Protestant and -Catholic families, where education is sometimes<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[71]</a></span> -controlled by church government, and -marriages are held illegal in one church if not -solemnized by its forms and between regular -believers in its faith and doctrines.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry a duke</em>, or any man who travels on -his title. The most of such men are very common, -and the most of young people who seek -their company are sold, deceived, and seriously -disappointed.</p> - -<p>They expect a fortune to begin with, and will be -the most exacting of all mortals. This is a mere -matter of birth and surroundings. Novels tell -many beautiful stories (pretty visions) about -brave and noble dukes and their princely -palaces, attentive servants, and flower-arbors. -Experience tells far different stories.</p> - -<p>The history of nine out of ten of such unnatural -unions is a record of a half million or so -squandered on a petted daughter to satisfy a -mother’s ambition, and ending in misery entailed<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[72]</a></span> -by the dearly bought purchase. Don’t -marry so much out of rank as to be a burden, -or carry a burden.</p> - -<p><em>Do marry a man that you can look up to</em>, and see -that he can do likewise. There are plenty of -farmers, mechanics, merchants, conductors, doctors, -lawyers, and men of general business, who -are worthy, trusty, generous, noble, and will -make excellent husbands.</p> - -<p>Seek them out from their character, their conduct -at home, their treatment of sisters and -mothers, their devotion to business and adherence -to principle. Show them that you -trust them. Be ready to marry. Become accomplished -and useful. Make yourself worthy -of a home, and know how to manage it with -skill and kindness. Loving natures are not -long neglected. The worn-out belles and women -who fade and wither, and die snappish and -single, were insincere, or lacked some quality -of winning manners.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[73]</a></span></p> - -<p><em>Do marry a President.</em> That is the correct form -now. It’s so romantic. Waive all the hints of -other objections,—age, love, spite, money, and -the like. Get a President,—just for the position, -you know!</p> - -<p>Then all the little jewels and diamonds and presents -will come rolling in like flowers to a favorite -singer. All little objections vanish in the -presence of a President. He must be suited to -any condition of beauty, genius, or intellect. -Don’t refuse a President’s offer; you may never -get but one such in a lifetime.</p> - -<p><em>Do marry a plain man.</em> Just a plain, common-sense -man; be he banker, lawyer, doctor, farmer, -builder, merchant, so he is a man; for manhood -is at a premium to-day in home life! The -world is full to overflowing with brilliant men. -Public offices are public trusts, and all that such -responsibility implies, and there are women in -stations where the word home has very little<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[74]</a></span> -meaning, and other women who long for the -quiet and comfort of true domestic life away -from the cares of office and the demands of -lofty stations.</p> - -<p>Two of the things that lead to greatest misery of -the masses to-day are over-ambition and reckless -marriages.</p> - -<p><em>Don’t coax a woman to love you.</em> If you wish to -win, that is certainly the wrong way. If they -have any notion of it, you are in the opposite -direction of success.</p> - -<p>Women despise a fawning, cringing nature. “Fortune -and women, born to be controlled, stoop -to the forward and the bold.”</p> - -<p>A far more sensible way to win will be by indifference. -Show enough willingness to reassure -her, and enough courage to act -manly.</p> - -<p>Ten to one you have mistaken her temper by -lack of frankness. Nothing is more touching<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[75]</a></span> -than truth. If you are really bent on marrying -and have told the right person the whole -story, earnestly and truthfully, the answer -should be decisive.</p> - -<p>Keen dealers seldom banter; they may hesitate, -they may explain their wants and wishes, they -never parley very long or express much anxiety -to strike a bargain.</p> - -<p><em>Winning a wife or a lover is a rare art.</em> To be -worthy of either is the first essential. It is -better to be worthy of it than to be President -and unworthy.</p> - -<p>It must be consoling even to a jilted lover to feel -that he is superior to the one successful. The -next thing to being worthy is being ready. -Many a youth begins driving, sleighing, and -dressing for society who pays his clothing bills -by instalments, and whose salary is wholly -unequal to his outlay.</p> - -<p>Fairness demands that a girl in marrying should<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[76]</a></span> -better her condition. How can one expect -her to marry into misery?</p> - -<p>Chesterfield quotes an old Spanish saying of great -force and aptness: “It is the beginning that -costs in everything. The first step over, the -rest is easy.”</p> - -<p><em>Don’t marry recklessly.</em> Before two or more men -form a partnership, they learn each other’s -means of furthering the business to be engaged -in; the confidence that each is worthy of, the -skill, attention, etc., each can give, and the -prospects of a mutual agreement and prosperity.</p> - -<p>Without some inquiry on these vital requisites, no -company concern would be founded. It would -be a foolish investment to purchase goods and -fit up stores or warehouses without some forecast -of results; and yet this is precisely in the -line of marriage.</p> - -<p>Partnerships are business marriages. It is not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[77]</a></span> -best to be too cool and calculating about it; -one caution may let another take the venture -and draw the premium. But some common-sense -may as well be mixed with a matter so -vital as a life-long engagement.</p> - -<p>Firms are limited to a few years; marriages are -unlimited save by death, or divorce, for over a -third of a century, on an average. While it is -very difficult to tell whom to marry,—for no -one can foresee your circumstances,—still, it is -well to mention a large class that no one should -marry, at least till all others are no longer accessible.</p> - -<p>If one could foresee the extent of happiness depending -on this selection of partners, if he -would take a simple business caution and investigate -enough to be considerate, he might -save society from disgrace and himself from -lasting misery. For the fact is, that the -most glaring of all our American evils is the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[78]</a></span> -looseness of marriage ties, and the misery it -entails on domestic relations.</p> - -<p>If these hints or reminders should induce one -woman to avoid a bad marriage, and one man -to contract a good one, or save a long quarrel, -or keep families in harmony, or help some poor -bashful fellow to gain his Yes by a sensible -proposal, the time in reading will be well spent, -the trifling cost will be a splendid investment.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="chapter"></div><!--Page break for ePub--> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[79]</a></span></p> - - - - -<h2>ROMANTIC MARRIAGES.</h2> - - -<p>Caroline Crofton had completed her course at -Vassar, one of its earliest graduates, and one of -the most brilliant in her class of thirty odd -young New England, graceful, gifted, and -generous girls, that have long been noted for -their purity of principles and perfection of -character. She was smaller than her classmates, -an only daughter of Judge Crofton, -whose manner and training marked him as a -classical, refined, and upright gentleman, and a -dignified and just judge.</p> - -<p>All that culture could impart, or character add to -the graces of nature, was bestowed upon Caroline, -who never assumed the fashion of shortening -her name by fancy contractions. Carline<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[80]</a></span> -was the shortest way of calling her, and this -was not a favorite with her mother. From her -father she inherited the qualities ascribed to -her, while her mother, like a clinging vine wound -around the oak, was of a trusting, lovable, nature, -of darker hair and eyes than the Judge; -and the two mingled in the daughter, and -formed a slender figure and a graceful form, an -ardent, lovable character, as one could easily -discover.</p> - -<p>Diligent by nature and proud of her progress in -early studies, Caroline had entered Vassar’s advanced -classes and employed all her energy to -excel in each department.</p> - -<p>She literally lived in her books for four full years, -to the exclusion of modes, society, or even the -newspapers; her one ambition seemed ever to -be excellence, and when the graduating day arrived, -and the long row in white were seated in -breathless awe to read their papers and receive<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[81]</a></span> -their reward, something more than a common -interest was awakened.</p> - -<p>Such are the days when young men of wealth and -ambition, and poorer men with an eye to the -beautiful, come in and listen to the overdrawn -pictures of school-girls’ first productions.</p> - -<p>The theme of Caroline Crofton was “Pioneers;” -how they had founded our government in the -little log school-houses of New England, in the -sixteenth century; how they had established -their town meetings and voting precincts; how -they had gradually driven back the Indians -(“noble redmen”) from the rich, fertile valley -of the Mohawk in New York, cleared away the -underbrush from the fertile plains of Northern -Ohio and Pennsylvania, and boldly evaded -the massive pineries of bleak, cold Northern -Michigan; dauntlessly, fearlessly, and bravely -establishing schools and churches in the very -midst of Indian huts and wigwams, taking their<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[82]</a></span> -lives in their hands, to improve and populate a -great and growing nation; and how wonderfully -they had all prospered.</p> - -<p>In her vivid and graphic picture of a fruitful -theme (a theme learned from books and stories), -she dwelt on the part that mothers had borne, -and brothers were bearing, in this tide of prosperity -and improvement, till tear-drops came -fast to the earnest eyes of the old gray-haired -professors, who were judges, and many a -mother’s heart leaped with joyous pride at -the mention of brave sons battling with the -Western wilderness, for their sons were among -them.</p> - -<p>Caroline Crofton could feel the hush of silence, -always such applause as is irresistible; she could -feel the emotion, and conveyed that emotion to -her audience; she forgot herself, forgot her -hearers, and read with a girlish animation born -of deep-seated belief in the grandeur of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[83]</a></span> -theme she advocated. Round after round of -applause greeted her conclusion, and she staggered -to her seat literally overcome by the -brilliant effort which resulted in a handsomely -inscribed medal as first of her class of Vassar.</p> - -<p>Whether the influence of that essay on the mind -of Caroline, or its greater influence on Cyrus -Arthur (a newly arrived resident of Vassar) was -the most potent means of a quick acquaintance -between them, is not well known to the writers; -certain it is that an early friendship soon refined -into affection, and meagre inquiries into his -character being satisfactory to Caroline, he was -promptly admitted as a suitor at the dignified -household of Judge Crofton, on the banks of -the beautiful St. Lawrence. The Judge was led -to believe that a long acquaintance had ripened -between schoolmates, when in fact it was a love -at first sight affair, and on very little consideration.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[84]</a></span></p> - -<p>That these young and ambitious lovers enjoyed -all that is allotted to their class is forever a secret, -for their after-life reveals but little of its mystery. -Their after-life was a struggle for bread -first, and position soon after. They really put -off living, very foolishly.</p> - -<p>Cyrus Arthur was a large, strongly built, dark-haired, -handsome fellow, of considerable assurance -in the social gatherings, and generally -managed to lead off with the dances and parties -from his size and commanding way more than -from any merit of talent or real goodness in -himself; one of the village leaders who gained -favor by fine looks and outward appearance; -one of the petted class of forenoon brilliants -whose afternoons are often more shaded.</p> - -<p>There was a smile of serene contentment and half-satisfaction -on the haughty face of young -Arthur as he offered himself to the Judge’s -daughter in that manner assumed by generals<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[85]</a></span> -in battle. He obtained his prize, and she obtained -her ambition. He married beauty, she -married a leader. Her highly colored future -was a life of intellectual greatness; his first -pride was of conquest, then of distinction.</p> - -<p>A large man in a small place may be a little man -in a large city.</p> - -<p>In good season they were married, of course; and -of their courtship little need be said, for it was -all unromantic.</p> - -<p>Arthur’s father was a merchant of limited means, -and the younger having high notions of going -West to grow up with the country, early -settled in a lumber-making city of North Michigan, -where he took his fair young companion, -who soon realized that her rose-colored romance -of brave pioneers was not a living reality.</p> - -<p>Dreams are one thing, real life is another; work -was scarce in the big overgrown city, but plentiful -in the pineries; and after the first day of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[86]</a></span> -married life wore into weeks, and living expense -came around with painful regularity, the new -couple were forced to economize, then look for -employment, which they first found in tending -store and camp, cooking for a large lumber-ranch; -certainly far less refining than the vision -of a Vassar schoolgirl’s essay had pictured.</p> - -<p>But they prospered, and by dint of close saving, -always coming from the wise counsel of the -weaker one, they became managers, then -owners, of a portable saw-mill and a ranch, and -gradually a store building partly paid for.</p> - -<p>From the letters home, showing their thrift and -economy, gradually came small sums lent to the -far-away idol of the staid old Judge’s household. -Cyrus was surprised and delighted one day to -find a large bill of goods sent on to fill up their -store and give them a start in their hard beginning.</p> - -<p>It was the work and influence of that little brainy<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[87]</a></span> -wife, whose tender hands had grown harder by -cooking, mending, and working for forty or -more robust workmen, and the reward it -brought and the encouragement to both. With -a well-stocked grocery and comfortable surroundings, -Cyrus began to look the world in the face -quite complacently, and take matters easier. -Meanwhile, the silent ambition of Caroline determined, -if growing up with the country meant -anything, she would fathom its mystery, and she -continued to delve and save, and plan and execute, -and encourage her husband in his extensive -contracts.</p> - -<p>Here was a profit on forty laborers, a margin on -their payment in goods, a rise in lumber, and a -golden opportunity to buy vast tracts of pine -timber at very low figures in cash payments. -Drawing on her savings the little wife advised -wise investments.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[88]</a></span></p> - - -<h3>II.</h3> - -<p>Fifty-seven, eight, and nine were the three trying -years in Northern Michigan. Many a man -would cheerfully trade a load of shingles for a -bag of corn, and a thousand feet of timber for -a single ham. New England thrift was in the -market, and the little daughter of a discreet -judge balanced the chances and made hay in -sunshine most effectually.</p> - -<p>Four years passed by, and a rapid rise in prices -gradually increased the value of timber, then -lumber, then shingles, then lands, and long -before the war ended, Arthur and his once -timid wife were among the wealthy citizens of -the Rapids.</p> - -<p>A large, strong frame, and but little anxiety; a -dark, swarthy complexion, with a heavy black -beard; the face of such a man at thirty-eight<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[89]</a></span> -showed less signs of wear than his little fair-faced -companion at six years younger.</p> - -<p>Age, climate, work, and care were telling on the -slender build of Caroline. The rapid birth of -three children in ten years told also their story -of a mother’s anxiety, written in shading lines -on her once delicate features.</p> - -<p>Absorbed in her duties as a wife, she had little -room for society, while he, a man relieved by -riches from hard labor, was approaching that -prime of maturity when the world looks complacently -upward to one who has prospered, -not even asking how, or why, or any reason.</p> - -<p>Long trips to large cities, absence from home, -mingling often with wealthy lumbermen, and -assuming that position that wealth ever commands -in society, were doing for Cyrus Arthur -what they will do for many in like situations.</p> - -<p>He craved a larger field for usefulness, he moved<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[90]</a></span> -and settled in a large city; he craved society, -he was a favorite with women; he developed a -fondness for the more forward class. He fell; -he fell often.</p> - -<p>If he had ever loved his devoted wife, the author -of all his success and prosperity, he now grew -unloving, haunted by the caresses of more passionate -women. Driven by appetite to seek the -companionship of the brazen and deceitful, he -lost his self-respect, his love of home, and grew -madly in love with a most bewitching character, -lately divorced from her husband.</p> - -<p>A spell came over him; “the trail of the serpent -is over them all,”—the “twelfth temptation,” -as shown in the powerful drama of its name, that -takes a farmer-boy in innocence, carries him -safely through the perils of a great city, saves -him from saloons and wine, and larceny and -dishonesty, and at last when weakened by tampering -with sin, brings him face to face with<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[91]</a></span> -such dazzling beauty that his fall before it -seems as natural as his ruin later is effectual.</p> - -<p>The trail of the serpent had crossed by the path -of Arthur. The coil wound around him, for -he loved the bold siren who enchanted him, -and yielded to the twelfth temptation.</p> - - -<h3>III.</h3> - -<p>“For a woman can do with a man what she will;” -yet a man who knows a woman thoroughly -and loves her truly—and there are women who -may be so known and loved—will find, after a -few years, that his relish for the grosser pleasures -is lessened, and that he has grown into a -fondness for the intellectual and refined amusements -without an effort, and almost unawares.</p> - -<p>Fettered and controlled by the witchery of his -evil genius, Cyrus Arthur lost all power but -that borrowed of his seducer. Her counsel replaced -the once wise confidence of a better<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[92]</a></span> -companion. Her influence was as a loadstone -in a compass,—it carried him in dumb obedience -to her will. He was absorbed, confused, -bewitched, stranded, lost!</p> - -<p>As often as they met in their evil way, she demanded -a divorce and insisted on early proceedings.</p> - -<p>“But the cause?” he would say. “Cause?” she -would answer; “make a cause!” “Not so easily -done,” replied her willing admirer.</p> - -<p>“Money will do anything,” was her ready answer.</p> - -<p>“Money will do anything,” repeated the fond -lumberman; “true, money will do everything.”</p> - -<p>But how? When, and where?</p> - -<p>These questions were all puzzling.</p> - - -<h3>IV.</h3> - -<p>There was a dark-faced inspector, a man-of-all-work -in lumber camp, called Roland, who had<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[93]</a></span> -often called at Arthur’s, and who occasionally -partook a little too freely of Northern fire-water, -as the Indians term it, and whose poverty at -such times would consent to almost anything, -on one pretence and another.</p> - -<p>Young Roland was sent to inquire if Mr. Arthur -was in, or if Mrs. Arthur needed shopping -done, or errands attended to, with instructions -to hint that his employer was seen riding out -with the enchantress in a cutter, seemingly on -the way to another village. These little irritations -were to be repeated for effect, but no -effect seems probable. They did create some -inquiry, and at such dates of confidential conferences -Mrs. Arthur was alone with the hireling -spy and listened to his inferences of her -husband’s indiscretions.</p> - -<p>Neither by word nor deed nor murmur did Caroline -exhibit a sign or symbol of her unhappiness, -save by the deeper lines and paler countenance<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[94]</a></span> -that easily escaped detection to one who -barely looked her in the eyes twice a day for -months together.</p> - -<p>It was a failure; she would never act, he must -take the initiative.</p> - -<p>Armed with a sworn affidavit of her infidelity -with Roland on a recent occasion, together -with further papers to complete their separation -and settle an alimony of a few thousand -dollars as her share of their large property, -Cyrus Arthur visited his wife late at night as a -robber would call for her jewels, and demanded -a complete surrender. Stunned and shocked, -and overcome by the intelligence, she wept -most bitterly, pleaded, begged, and implored -her husband, in the name of Heaven, to spare -her and her <em>children</em> from a disgrace so terrible. -The sighing of the pines in a Northern -forest would have moved him as soon from his -purpose. She was between him and an envied<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[95]</a></span> -object; he must succeed. He was already -goaded to desperation. Seizing the part of -her plea relating to her little girls, he made the -worst of it.</p> - -<p>“If you would spare yourself and them from disgrace -eternally, make no denial and all shall be -secret, and no one the wiser.”</p> - -<p>“Can this be true?” asked the distracted mother -of the other’s lawyer.</p> - -<p>“Yes,” he replied, cases have been heard on default -and divorces granted, and not one scrap -of bill or answer ever published.</p> - -<p>“What is a bill and answer?” questioned the little -woman in her tears, for she never dreamed -of a divorce between her and her husband till -that moment.</p> - -<p>“It is the ground and denial for divorce,” replied -the attorney.</p> - -<p>“Cyrus Arthur,” said his wife, as she looked at -the eyes that evaded her earnestness, “do you -mean this proceeding, or are you trifling?”</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[96]</a></span></p> - -<p>“I am in earnest,” he answered.</p> - -<p>“Have you forgotten my home, my surroundings, -the shock to my mother, my father, my own -feelings, my neighbors, our children? Do you -realize how you sin, and wrong me?</p> - -<p>“How I have toiled and helped you, planned our -success! How I have suffered, gone almost in -the grave, in bringing you these children! Are -you in earnest?</p> - -<p>“If your heart is not iron, speak to me; shall I -deny such a foolish slander? Shall I tell you -before God, who will one day judge us all, that -every one of the charges are infamous lies and -perjuries; shall I place my word against his -and you deny me?”</p> - -<p>“But you cannot swear in court in such cases,” -said the ready lawyer.</p> - -<p>“Then Heaven will hear me; I am innocent. -And may the Almighty end my life right here, -if I have ever, by act or look, or word or deed,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[97]</a></span> -done aught that a true woman should not do -in every day of our married life, from first to -last, as God is my witness!”</p> - -<p>“But your children?” he pleaded, as if he had -heard not a word of her earnest protest.</p> - -<p>On and on they argued, later and later grew the -hour, till, worn out at midnight they passed her -the papers, and eight thousand dollars, with -which she was to return to her home in New -England, and abandon all defense to the proceeding, -including a release of all dower interest -in his estate, real and personal.</p> - -<p>You may smile at the absurdity, you may question -the reason of such haste and compulsion.</p> - -<p>“But who, alas! can love and still be wise?”</p> - -<p>Ask of the court records in every American city, -and you will find stronger cases and stronger -instances, more degradation, greater hardship, -and equal perjury. Ask of <em>one</em> court and find -this case!</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[98]</a></span></p> - -<p>No sleep nor rest comes to Caroline Arthur. -Early dawn found her surrounded by her weeping -children, in alarm at the sudden illness, for -she only called it illness.</p> - -<p>Twice she started for the City National Bank to -deposit her money, and twice relented. Once -she determined to consult a neighbor, and later -concluded she would bear alone her sorrow.</p> - -<p>Hastily filing his bill and securing her appearance, -an early demand for a hearing before a -commissioner, in less than a <em>single week</em> came -a divorce on the ground of infidelity.</p> - -<p>Elated by his victory, with his deeds well recorded, -and the court’s great seal granting their -divorcement, Cyrus Arthur stalked the streets -in supreme confidence as a man of victory.</p> - -<p>It is said that Roman generals, once victorious -ever bore about with them the marks of conquerors; -so did our modern general, but for a -brief duration.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[99]</a></span></p> - -<p>Once in the newspapers, and the busy streets -were vocal with open denunciation. “Eight -thousand dollars from a property worth one -hundred and fifty thousand dollars!” came from -bankers. “The wife that made him what he -is,” said another. “A shame to our civilization,” -said the third. “A fraud, a sham, a pretext,” -said another.</p> - -<p>And the majority joined in the last anthem,—“a -sham, a pretext,” a trick to turn off his -worn-out wife and marry that impious trader in -unvirtue and immorality.</p> - -<p>Press interviews were had, and the dear little -lady of clean hands and honest heart, whose -soul shone as a diamond in the filth of foul -slander around her, utterly and consistently refuted -and denied the whole story, and related -its history with marvellous circumstantial evidence -to convince any reasonable person of her -truthfulness.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[100]</a></span></p> - -<p>Indignation knew no bounds; a firm of able lawyers -at once filed a cross bill, and a prayer to -set aside the fraudulent bill and another to -annul all conveyances to Arthur; and within -almost as brief a limit as he had secured his -decree she had been restored to her rights with -a divorce from Arthur and a thirty-thousand-dollar -settlement.</p> - -<p>He was driven from the city in infamy, and she -lived on in honor; but the stain on the children -was of a nature more permanent.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="chapter"></div><!--Page break for ePub--> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[101]</a></span></p> - - - - -<h2>UNROMANTIC MARRIAGES.</h2> - - -<p>Grace Hartwell graduated at Hillsdale College in -18—, and settled as an assistant teacher in the -Union school on College Hill, living with her -mother across the narrow river near by, where -she would pass the old homestead of Richard -Baker, son of a well-to-do farmer adjoining the -village, and who early became interested in the -fair young teacher.</p> - -<p>Grace was a full brunette, of fairer complexion -than is common to her school of beauty.</p> - -<p>She was beautiful, with well rounded arms, heavy -black hair, rosy lips, white hands, eyes of -marked expression—eyes that stood out full, -and shone in striking contrasts, the black portion<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[102]</a></span> -and the white being clear and sharply -defined.</p> - -<p>Grace was no less a beauty than a dreamer, and -longed for the kind of change that best suits a -girl of her quick, passionate, and impulsive -nature—a marriage.</p> - -<p>Richard was below the medium size, with very -light hair, of slim figure, reticent of speech, shy -and bashful, especially so in the presence of -Grace, whom he met at parties, donations, and -college receptions, so frequent and amusing in -their lively village.</p> - -<p>Both went too long a distance for their dinner to -make the trip agreeable, and both often carried -their daily lunches in little baskets for convenience.</p> - -<p>On their homeward trips they met occasionally, -bowed, passed the time of day, chatted of the -last night’s party. It was growing so much of -a custom with Richard to meet these road-side<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[103]</a></span> -appointments, self-made, and well timed to -match his lonely companion, that they soon became -a matter of each day’s history.</p> - -<p>Grace was willing to listen, Richard was anxious -to turn aside from his regular pathway and go -round a square to bear her company.</p> - -<p>They were in love without romance, and against -both the belief and expectation of all their associates.</p> - -<p>She was the prize of the village; he was neither -well-off nor popular, but plain and unhandsome. -He was not her only suitor, but the first had -taken some pique at her attentions to a stranger -in the village, that offended the haughty admirer -of her beauty, and each was claimant for her -entire devotion.</p> - -<p>Miss Hartwell’s father was a tall black-eyed Virginian, -warm-blooded, swarthy, and impulsive, -and liked not the manner of his daughter’s new -friendship.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[104]</a></span></p> - -<p>He put his foot down with emphasis. He insisted -on obedience. He wanted position, old family, -wealth and social standing, or no marriage.</p> - -<p>Grace could not always govern her scholars, but -herself she was determined to control.</p> - -<p>Herein both father and daughter were much alike.</p> - -<p>Time passed; attachment increased by opposition. -Such is more often the way of lovers separated; -but these were not wholly separated.</p> - -<p>At the death of Richard’s stepfather a division of -the estate netted a round three thousand to the -young farmer, who had done nearly all the farm -work lately, and now started on an early Northwestern -visit to the wheat-growing regions, resolved -on a test of climate, comparison of prices, -and general outlook for an investment. He -bought early and largely in prairie lands of finest -quality. He struggled, prospered, and grew -well-to-do as a farmer.</p> - -<p>And what became of Grace, the teacher? Letters<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[105]</a></span> -to and from Dakota, neatly written, -choicely worded, and carefully punctuated, from -one side; hurried notes, badly composed, from -the other. The mind is never quite full of two -subjects at once, and the surest cure for heartache -is active employment and earnest work.</p> - -<p>The increasing cares of farming, the magnitude of -the business, the constant desire for money -(for the seed-time of farming is in its early -stages), were a source of daily anxiety to Richard. -“My poor Richard” was not a common -name for a heading to Grace’s letters; truly she -had found a fit name for her absent lover; a -lover of land and of cattle, a lover of acres and -of reapers, a lover of fences and shade-trees, -and a growing Northwesterner; but poor, indeed, -in actual happiness.</p> - -<p>They were married; Grace removed to her rude -quarters and furnished them by taste, skill, -and refinement. She took to her new home all<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[106]</a></span> -the delicacy of rare machine-work, neat stitching, -and tidy ornaments of her Eastern education; -the sewing of many odd hours of industry.</p> - -<p>It seemed like an endless harvest, a long busy day, -a strife and a struggle, in a wilderness of bleak -broad fields at great distance from market. -They raised vast crops, but sold at low prices.</p> - -<p>The panic of ’73, and the cold winter following, -made not a very happy honeymoon to both, -but they endured it all, risked all in a fond -large hope of abundant future riches. In a -land of no railroads (it’s changed now; it’s as -much more brilliant to-day as an electric light -compared with the light of a common candle), -Dakota was then rather a dreary country.</p> - -<p>Sometimes, it is true, there would come over -Grace a feeling of lonesome homesickness. It -comes to a far-away settler many times in a -lifetime; but she would choke it under, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[107]</a></span> -resolve to be a brave wife and a worthy companion.</p> - -<p>Ten years have rolled by, and times are better; -both are older, worn a little by climate, larger, -changed.</p> - -<p>On the way to the National Park I chanced past -their village one evening on the great Pacific -Railroad, and mentioned “Hillsdale” incidentally.</p> - -<p>I saw a woman turn half-way round and look -towards me, but went on unmindful of the situation. -Suddenly her companion arose and -asked me if I said Hillsdale, to which I assented, -and then a vacant seat was made and both -came back and questioned me. They were -strange people, truly.</p> - -<p>He a stout-built, long-bearded man, half gray, -with buffalo overcoat, fur cap and mittens on; -she well wrapped in beaver; both Western-looking -in every particular.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[108]</a></span></p> - -<p>“You spoke of Hillsdale, sir,” began the woman; -“and we lived there once, and feel curious to -know if you would not remain all night with -us. We have a farm near by next station. -I hope you will consent to spend the night -with us;” clearly the woman was the social -leader.</p> - -<p>There was a pleading in the look, a frank expression -that said, Please do, and I consented.</p> - -<p>Two miles, a drive by a cold open sleigh-ride—cold -is hardly strong enough to mark the term,—and -we found a low unpainted farm-house, plastered -below, with chamber-floor for ceiling overhead, -and rudely formed walls; a house of three -rooms, mainly in two; a farm of six thousand -acres, five teams, three tenant-houses, wagons -and sleighs and farming-tools without stint, but -comfort nowhere.</p> - -<p>After breakfast the farmer fed his flocks and attended -to his general chores, while I stayed in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[109]</a></span> -and chatted by a sickly pretence of fire made -of bad coal and green kindling-wood. I had -seen, each time as he came in, how gently he -handled his little pet dogs, that seemed their -only children, how deeply absorbed he was in -farm and stock, and how anxious he was I -should see the ranch, but how little he noticed -his superior companion.</p> - -<p>“Where are your children?” I ventured to inquire.</p> - -<p>“They are all three yonder in the field,” she said, -and I knew they all slept in narrow houses -there. This seemed to let loose the flood that -held her feelings since the night before. “But -for my husband,” she added, “I should go home -ere this. He promised me to go as soon as the -road was built; but then it costs so much, we -keep on putting off from year to year. But I am -longing so much to go! And when I heard that -word Hillsdale last night, it filled me so full of -home I could not contain myself. I hope you<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[110]</a></span> -were not offended; but it seemed if some one -would come and talk to me, my life would all -be new again! It is so blank, so bleak, so cold -and desolate, and I am heart hungry.” The -tears came fast, and filled her large dark eyes -and softened down her voice to tones of confidence. -With eagerness she spoke of care, and -work and trouble, sorrow and neglect; for, in -his greed of gain, he had forgotten her as year -by year rolled on, and both were growing older -fast, and he not heeding it,—living on in his -farm, reapers, sheep and crops; his heart was -full of such, and had no room for her, no room -for life.</p> - -<p>“And you have been out here for fifteen years?” -I said. “How many years in that long time -have you really lived?”</p> - -<p>“Lived!” said Grace—for this was Grace and -Richard, as you must know ere this—“lived!” -she replied;—“in work and trouble a long life<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[111]</a></span> -indeed; in happiness, not one year yet. We -have been waiting every year for that good -time to come when we would find our happiness; -we have not found it yet. The more he -gets, the more he wants. Land means care, -and taxes, and hired men, anxiety of crops, and -overwork.</p> - -<p>“I had rather live <em>one year</em> back by the old farm -school-house, when I carried my dinner to my -school, and had a loving group of faces looking -into my eyes each noon, and loving me, than -own all our acres and be here a dozen years.</p> - -<p>“Life is not all in years to me! I have learned that -lesson dearly, learned it living where we see so -little of real life that memory is all the hope I -have.”</p> - -<p>“Starving amid plenty is cruelty,” I said. “Sell half -and live while you may. You are wasting your -whole lives in a fruitless hunt for happiness.”</p> - -<p>I have since learned that my visit was a revolution<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[112]</a></span> -and reform, and that they are living -better.</p> - -<p>And I thought, as I turned to the States and -cast a long sad look at the lonely form in the -doorway, and one at the bundle of robes beside -me, who was driving me to the land of daily -enjoyment, if their children had grown up and -lived in such a place, where would have been -their hope? In land and horses! Where their -company? The company of flocks and cattle. -The hope of sometime finding more congenial -quarters. I turned in sadness, saying inwardly, -“God pity the land-poor farmers, and pity -their wives, and show them the lives they are -leading!”</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<div class="chapter"></div><!--Page break for ePub--> - -<div class="boxit-one"> -<p class="center xxlargefont sansseriffont boldfont">THE SCIENCE OF A NEW LIFE.</p> - -<p class="center largefont">BY JOHN COWAN, M. D.</p> - -<p class="center xlargefont boldfont">A Book Well Worth Possessing by Every Thoughtful -Man and Woman.</p> - - -<p>The “Science of a New Life” has received the highest testimonials and commendations -from leading medical and religious critics; has been heartily endorsed -by all the leading philanthropists, and recommended to every well-wisher of the -human race.</p> - -<p class="center xlargefont"><em>TO ALL WHO ARE MARRIED</em></p> - -<p>Or are contemplating marriage, it will give information worth HUNDREDS OF -DOLLARS, besides conferring a lasting benefit, not only upon them, but upon -their children. Every thinking man and woman should study this work. Any -person desiring to know more about the book before purchasing it, may send to us -for our 16-page descriptive circular, giving full and complete table of contents. -It will be sent free by mail to any address. The following is the table of contents.</p> - -<p>Marriage and its advantages; Age at which to marry; The Law of choice; Love -Analyzed; Qualities the Man Should Avoid in Choosing; Qualities the Woman -Should Avoid in Choosing; The Anatomy and Physiology of Generation in Women; -The Anatomy and Physiology of Generation in Man; Amativeness—its -Use and Abuse; The Prevention of Conception; The Law of Continence; Children—Their -Desirability; The Law of Genius; The Conception of a New Life; The -Physiology of Inter-Uterine Growth; Period of Gestative Influence; Pregnancy—Its -Signs and Duration; Disorders of Pregnancy; Confinement; Management of -Mother and Child after Delivery; Period of Nursing Influence; Fœticide; Diseases -Peculiar to Women; Diseases Peculiar to Men; Masturbation; Sterility and Impotence; -Subjects of which More Might be Said; A Happy Married Life—How -Secured.</p> - -<p>The book is a handsome 8VO, and contains over 400 PAGES, with more than -100 ILLUSTRATIONS, and is sold at the following PRICES—ENGLISH CLOTH, -BEVELED BOARDS, GILT SIDE AND BACK, $3.00; LEATHER, SPRINKLED -EDGES, $3.50; HALF TURKEY MOROCCO, MARBLED EDGES, GILT BACK, -$4.00. Sent by mail, post-paid, to any address, on receipt of price.</p> - -<p class="center xlargefont sansseriffont boldfont">COMMENDATIONS.</p> - -<p>“In a careful examination of Dr. Cowan’s SCIENCE OF A NEW LIFE, I -am prepared to give it my very cordial approval. It deserves to be in every family, -and read and pondered, as closely relating to the highest moral and physical well-being -of all its members.... The essential remedy for these -great evils is to be found in Dr. Cowan’s work; therefore, may it be circulated far -and wide.”</p> - -<p class="marginrightindent"><span class="smcap">William Lloyd Garrison.</span></p> - -<p>“As it is easier to generate a race of healthy men and women than to regenerate -the diseased and discordant humanity we now have, I heartily recommend the study -of THE SCIENCE OF A NEW LIFE to every father and mother in the land.”</p> - -<p class="marginrightindent"><span class="smcap">Elizabeth Cady Stanton.</span></p> - -<p>“It seems to us to be one of the wisest, and purest, and most helpful of those -Books which have been written in recent years, with the intention of teaching -Men and Women the Truths about their Bodies, which are of peculiar importance -to the morals of Society.... No one can begin to imagine the misery that -has come upon the human family solely through ignorance upon this subject.”</p> - -<p class="marginrightindent"><span class="smcap">The Christian Union.</span></p> - -<p>If, after reading the above, you wish to get a copy of the book, send us the -money by Post-office order or registered letter, and we will send it by return mail.</p> - -<p>Agents wanted to whom we offer liberal terms. Send to us at once for -confidential terms, and state what territory you can work to advantage.</p> - -<p>Address all orders and applications for an agency to</p> - -<p class="center boldfont xlargefont">J. S. OGILVIE <span style="padding-left:2em">Publisher,</span><br /> -<em><span class="mediumfont">P. O. BOX 2767.</span> <span class="mediumfont" style="padding-left:4em">ROSE STREET, NEW YORK.</span></em></p> - -</div> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<div class="chapter"></div><!--Page break for ePub--> - -<div class="boxit-one"> -<p class="center xxlargefont">ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT BUILDING A HOUSE?</p> - -<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> -<img src="images/i_118.jpg" width="600" height="525" alt="House." /> -</div> - -<p><span class="largefont sansseriffont boldfont">IT IS EASY ENOUGH TO BUILD A HOUSE -AT A LOW COST IF YOU START RIGHT</span> and the way to start right is to buy the new book, PALLISER’S -AMERICAN ARCHITECTURE; or, Every Man a Complete -Builder, prepared by Palliser, Palliser & Co., the well-known -Architects. A careful examination of this book will save you -hundreds of dollars.</p> - -<p>There is not a Builder, or anyone intending to build or otherwise -interested, that can afford to be without it. 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It is worth $10 to -any one, but we will send it in paper cover by mail, postpaid, on -receipt of $1.00; bound in cloth, $2.00. Address all orders to</p> - -<p class="largefont boldfont marginright">J. S. OGILVIE, Publisher, 57 Rose St., New York.</p> -</div> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<div class="chapter"></div><!--Page break for ePub--> - -<div class="transnote"> -<h2 id="TN_end" style="margin-top: 0em">Transcriber’s Notes:</h2> - -<p>The author of this book is listed in other sources as James W. Donovan -using the pseudonym Hildreth.</p> - -<p>Punctuation has been made consistent.</p> - -<p>Variations in spelling and hyphenation were retained as they appear in -the original publication, except that obvious typographical errors -have been corrected.</p> - -<p>The following changes were made:</p> - -<p>p. <a href="#Ref_54">54</a>: that removed (and trials come)</p> - -<p>p. <a href="#Ref_65">65</a>: it added (for it a)</p> -</div> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Don't Marry, by James W. 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