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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..30abf12 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #53035 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/53035) diff --git a/old/53035-h.zip b/old/53035-h.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index fbfe3e4..0000000 --- a/old/53035-h.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/53035-h/53035-h.htm b/old/53035-h/53035-h.htm deleted file mode 100644 index dcfe45d..0000000 --- a/old/53035-h/53035-h.htm +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1006 +0,0 @@ -<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" - "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> -<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> - <head> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=us-ascii" /> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> - <title> - The Project Gutenberg eBook of When You Giffle.., by L. 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Stecher - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - -Title: When You Giffle - -Author: L.J. Stecher - -Illustrator: Bruno - -Release Date: September 12, 2016 [EBook #53035] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHEN YOU GIFFLE *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/cover.jpg" width="388" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="titlepage"> -<h1>WHEN YOU GIFFLE...</h1> - -<p>BY L. J. STECHER, JR.</p> - -<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br /> -Worlds of Tomorrow December 1963<br /> -Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br /> -the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph3">They were like any other boys sporting in their<br /> -old swimming hole—in the depths of space!</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>I was a little bit worried when I saw Captain Hannah again. I thought -he might have decided he wanted his elephants back, and I'd grown sort -of attached to them. Although I couldn't break the baby of the habit of -nibbling on Gasha leaves, in spite of the fact that they're not good -for him.</p> - -<p>A few months earlier, Captain Hannah had conned me into taking the -elephants off his hands and out of his tramp spaceship. He had suffered -from intellectual terrestrial zoological insufficiency—or in other -words, he hadn't known whales are mammals, and had delivered the -multi-ton Beulah instead, to the Prinkip of Penguin, as an adult sample -of Earth's largest mammal.</p> - -<p>The Prinkip had quite properly refused delivery, and Hannah had stuck -me with her and her incipient progeny.</p> - -<p>I needn't have worried. Captain Hannah didn't want her back. He just -wanted to relax and talk to someone. I bought him a drink, but I -refused one myself, remembering what had happened to me the times -before, when I had listened to Captain Hannah with a glass in my hand.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Captain Hannah ran a leathery hand over his leathery face. He looked -haggard. "I came here because I've got to talk to somebody," he said, -"and you make a good listener.</p> - -<p>"Do you remember after I completed my contract with you for the -delivery of the gasha root, and after you had talked me into leaving -Beulah with you for the sake of the little one, how we had a few drinks -together to celebrate our mutual success, before I headed out?"</p> - -<p>Well, my memory about who had talked whom into what about Beulah didn't -agree with his, but I told him I remembered our last get-together, and -he went on.</p> - -<p>"Anyone who tries to set up an interstellar Jump with a hangover should -be permanently barred from the spaceways," he said with some feeling. -"I guess that the only reason they aren't, is that the ones who make a -mistake are never heard from again." He paused and sipped. "Except me."</p> - -<p>"When I left you that last time, and pushed <i>Delta Crucis</i> up into -parking orbit, I was full of rhial and a grim determination to deliver -a whale to the Prinkip. I must have made some mistake or other in -setting up the Jump coordinates, because when I popped out of Limbo, -alarm bells went off in all directions. The main computer told me it -didn't have the faintest idea where we had arrived, and the auxiliary -computer agreed noisily. I turned off the alarms and uncovered the -viewports to check for myself, without much hope.</p> - -<p>"The view from the ones on the starboard side didn't show me anything I -recognized, so I pushed myself across the room and slid off the covers -on the port side.</p> - -<p>"The stars there were unfamiliar, too, but I'm afraid that I didn't -notice for awhile. The foreground was taking up all of my attention. -There were two towheaded kids—about eight or nine years old, I should -judge—floating in empty space, with their noses flattened against -the viewport glass. They were as brown as berries, and as naked as -jaybirds, and as cute as chipmunks, and as alike as two peas, and as -improbable as virtue.</p> - -<p>"The one on the left—my left, that is—backed off enough so that his -nose straightened out, smiled angelically and asked politely whether he -and his twin brother might come in. That is, his lips moved and I heard -the words, and they made sense. Only they didn't. Nothing made sense -when somebody talking in a vacuum could be heard as if he were right -beside you. Anyway, I nodded that they could come in.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>"The two boys swam forward, using a sort of self-taught kind of a -breast stroke, right through the solid glass of the viewport, until -they were in the ship beside me, and then they stood up. That's no -small feat in itself, standing up in a spaceship in the absence of -gravity or spin."</p> - -<p>Captain Hannah beckoned the waiter for a refill, and then asked me if I -wouldn't change my mind and drink with him. The way this story of his -was going, I figured I might as well, and he didn't start in talking -again until we had both had a sip.</p> - -<p>"They were skinny, and they looked explosively energetic, the way kids -that age usually do. But they just stood quietly facing me side by -side, giving out with cheerful gaptoothed small-boy smiles. Somehow or -other it was reassuring to notice that they both had belly buttons. -It was an indication to me—whether it made sense or not—that they -were just human beings; that they had been born of women in the usual -way—and that there must be some rational explanation for what looked -like miracles.</p> - -<p>"'Is there anything I can do for you two kids?' I asked, as politely as -I knew how.</p> - -<p>"'Well, sir,' said the one who had spoken before, 'please excuse us for -barging in on you like this, with no clothes on and all....'</p> - -<p>"The other boy picked up the conversation without a break, 'but you -have materialized your spaceship right in the middle of our swimming -hole ...'</p> - -<p>"'... and it's muddying everything up something fierce,' finished boy -number one.</p> - -<p>"I glanced out through the view ports at the illimitable and -untrammeled reaches of space, and then back at the boys.</p> - -<p>"'We're afraid you'll just have to take our word for it, sir. This is -our swimming hole,' said boy number one earnestly. 'There aren't -many ...'</p> - -<p>"'... spots like this in space,' number two picked up. 'It has -something to do with gravity balances and radiation zones and -thought-energy sumps and a lot of other ...'</p> - -<p>"'... things like that that we don't understand either because we -haven't had it in school yet. But we do know that it's the best place -we can reach for space swimming, only ...'</p> - -<p>"'... it's too far for us to get to and pull along our clothes too. -Besides which, what boy would want to go swimming with his clothes on -anyway?' They both came to a full stop.</p> - -<p>"'The only thing wrong with it,' the speaker had shifted again, 'is, -it's even too far to bring along any sandwiches and cookies and stuff.'</p> - -<p>"I stopped swinging my head back and forth from one to the other as the -speaker shifted, and shook myself awake. 'How about some chocolate cake -and a bulb or two of milk? I've got plenty of both,' I told them."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>"Oh, come now," I said to Captain Hannah, glancing at the row of rhial -beakers in front of him. In spite of his space tan, I could see him -blush.</p> - -<p>"Well, I like chocolate cake," he said defensively. "And drinking milk -when I'm in space gets my stomach back in shape for going ashore again -with the likes of you. What's wrong with that, I'd like to know?"</p> - -<p>I signified "Nothing at all," with an elaborate gesture, and he went -back to his story after dipping his nose.</p> - -<p>"Well, I gave each of them some cake and milk, and they sat down -politely at my table to eat it ... and the plates stayed on the table -and the cake stayed on the plates even though there wasn't any gravity -and I didn't have any spin on the ship.</p> - -<p>"'Now what's all this about my muddying up your swimming hole?' I -asked, when they had finished eating all my cake and drinking three -bulbs of milk each.</p> - -<p>"'That's all there is to it, sir,' said the first boy. 'You have -changed the gravity balance and the radiation pattern and everything -else ...'</p> - -<p>"'... and that's taken all the fun out of swimming. And when you have -taken all the chances we have in playing hooky just because this is -such a good place to swim ...'</p> - -<p>"'... it's a shame to have it all spoiled. So would you please leave, -sir?'</p> - -<p>"'Oh, I'd be glad to Jump out of here, boys,' I told them. 'But you -see, I've got a little problem. I'm lost. I don't have the faintest -idea where in the Universe I am, so how can I set the right coordinates -to Jump somewhere else?'</p> - -<p>"'Oh!' said the two boys together. 'We didn't realize....' They -stopped, and looked at each other. They acted as if they were carrying -on an argument although their lips didn't move and I couldn't hear -anything. At any rate, they soon reached some sort of agreement.</p> - -<p>"'We'll have to get help,' said the first boy at last. 'We'd call Dad, -except he'd warm both of us real good if he knew we were out here -swimming when we're supposed to be in school. But....'</p> - -<p>"'There's our big brother Jim. We've got enough on him so maybe he -won't squeal. And he's grown up enough to know what to do.'</p> - -<p>"'And he was real good at narking and giffling in school.'</p> - -<p>"'He got an A in narking, and a B plus in giffling, but of course it -wasn't <i>advanced</i> giffling.'</p> - -<p>"'Still, he should be able to do the job, all right.'</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>"Their faces went blank and they both stared off into space as if they -were concentrating as hard as they could. Suddenly, with no warning and -no noise, a young man of about fifteen or so was standing beside them -with his hands on his hips. He wore a kilt and a singlet of some soft, -shiny material, but no shoes.</p> - -<p>"'Well, if it isn't Mike and Aloysius,' he said conversationally. 'Boy, -are you two going to get it when you show your faces around home. Dad's -been looking for you.'</p> - -<p>"'The older boy turned and stuck his hand out at me. 'Captain Hannah, -sir,' he said. 'My name's Jim Monahan. I must apologize for the brats. -They bother everybody. They have asked me to help get you out of your -difficulties.'</p> - -<p>"'I must have set the wrong Jump pattern,' I stammered. 'It's -incredibly lucky that I came back out of Limbo in a place where I could -ask for help. If you can give it to me, I would be most grateful.'</p> - -<p>"'Well, sir,' said Jim, 'your appearing here isn't quite as incredible -as you might think. Dad says that several of you Bumblejumpers....' He -stopped and looked embarrassed. 'I'm sorry, sir. Several of you who -have made errors in your Jump setting have ended up here.'</p> - -<p>"'Not in our swimming hole,' asserted Aloysius.</p> - -<p>"'In this general area of space. Dad calls it the delta of a psionic -river. He says that we who are psionic adepts should stop bouncing back -and forth between here and the established sectors so much, or we'll -groove the psionic channels so much that everybody who goofs will end -up here. And we may even increase the probability of goofing.'</p> - -<p>"'I just want to get back to where I can recognize the stars,' I told -the boy.</p> - -<p>"'If you don't mind my saying so, sir, I nark the impression that you -want something more. Something about getting a whale to the planet -Penguin II?'</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>"I nodded. 'If these kid brothers of yours can run around mald-bottom -in space without catching cold, then I guess you can probably send a -whale from one planet to another by mind power—by psionics.'</p> - -<p>"'But that's not really what you want?' the boy persisted.</p> - -<p>"I nodded. 'Even psionics can't do what I really want. A <i>Delta</i> class -freighter can do almost anything, but it can't transport an adult blue -whale across space. Still, that's what I really want it to do, and it's -that desire that you are apparently picking out of my mind.'</p> - -<p>"Jim frowned for a couple of minutes in deep concentration while Mike -and Aloysius nudged each other slyly, gradually got more rambunctious, -and finally lost their tempers and started a half-wrestling, -half-boxing tussle.</p> - -<p>"Jim clapped his hands together sharply, twice. The kids quieted down -abruptly, looking at Jim indignantly and rubbing their posteriors. At -the same time, Jim picked a small box out of the air and handed it to -me with a flamboyant gesture.</p> - -<p>"Lettered on the box was the neatly printed instruction 'EAT ME'.</p> - -<p>"'Shades of Lewis Carroll,' I said to myself, opening the box and -looking at the little cakes inside.</p> - -<p>"'Go ahead, sir,' chorused Mike and Aloysius, 'Don't be chicken!'</p> - -<p>"I looked at the pill-sized cakes for a minute. Then I shrugged my -shoulders and tossed them all down at once, like taking a shot of -whiskey neat. For a few seconds nothing happened except for an odd sort -of fizzling feeling inside, and then suddenly I started to shrink, just -like Alice in Wonderland. I hardly had time to notice that the whole -Monahan tribe was shrinking right along with me, before I found that I -was having trouble breathing, and it was as if my insides were trying -to climb up past my Adam's apple. I couldn't talk, so I tried hard to -give Jim Monahan a dirty look before I passed out, which I promptly did.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>"I couldn't have been unconscious for more than a few seconds. I woke -up to find that I had shrunk to a height of maybe two feet, and that -Jim was looking at me with a very worried expression.</p> - -<p>"'Boy, was that a lousy job of giffling,' I heard Aloysius say, -irreverently. At least, it was Aloysius unless the two boys had -exchanged positions while I had been out.</p> - -<p>"'Yup, you've got to be careful when you giffle,' agreed his twin -sagely.</p> - -<p>"'What happened?' I asked weakly. 'And why have you shrunk us down this -way?'</p> - -<p>"'Shrunk us down?' asked Jim blankly, and then he laughed. 'Oh, I -didn't do anything like that to us. That sort of thing is too dangerous -to try unless you're a Master Giffler. I don't think even Dad would -try a thing like that with a human being. All I did was to enlarge the -spaceship. At the same time, of course, I increased the strength of -the intermolecular bonds, so that the ship is just as sturdy as it was -before. Only now it's big enough to carry a whale.'</p> - -<p>"'Only the big jerk forgot that with the space in this room suddenly -increased to twenty-five or thirty times as big as it was before, there -still wasn't any more ...'</p> - -<p>"'... air in it, so you nearly suffocated.' I think it ended with Mike.</p> - -<p>"'But he finally had sense enough to gather the air in a ball around -your head, so you woke up all right, and I nark that now he had brought -in enough air ...'</p> - -<p>"'... to fill the room and all your tanks, so you'll be all right now.'</p> - -<p>"'And now you can get yourself out of our swimming hole, sir,' -Aloysius, I think, concluded.</p> - -<p>"I was still a little dazed. But I tried to put my brain in gear, while -I looked from one smiling, expectant Monahan face to another. 'I've got -one question,' I said at last.</p> - -<p>"'Yes, sir?' asked Jim, all eagerness to be helpful.</p> - -<p>"'Does this psionic ability all of you are playing around with so -freely make you basically any smarter than an ordinary untalented -run-of-the-mill human of the same age?'</p> - -<p>"'Well of course, sir,' said Jim, and then looked at the two brats, who -were staring at him with their mouths open.</p> - -<p>"'Well, of course, we have a lot more to learn than the Normals,' he -began again. 'But then, I've studied hard instead of playing hooky like -the imps here.'</p> - -<p>"Now all three of us were staring at him.</p> - -<p>"'Well, to be truthful, sir, Dad says that we've got about the same -basic intelligence as the Normals, and that we shouldn't try to get -uppity because of our special talents. But most Normals that I've seen -usually don't act very bright.'</p> - -<p>"'Then,' I asked with elaborate patience, 'all you did was to make my -<i>Delta Crucis</i> bigger, and to increase the strength of the components -to match? Nothing else?'</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>"Jim nodded warily. 'That's it, sir.'</p> - -<p>"'It didn't occur to you, son, that while that might be all right for -the hull and the Jumping equipment, you just don't change the size of -a rocket motor to change its power rating? Don't you realize that if -I turned on my landing rockets right now, I'd probably blow us all to -Kingdom Come?'</p> - -<p>"Jim thought for a minute. 'I nark it now, sir,' he said slowly. 'And -the hull probably isn't right too, I'm afraid.'</p> - -<p>"'You're probably right, son,' I answered him. 'Don't you think you had -just better put things right back the way they were before?'</p> - -<p>"I added hastily, 'Not forgetting to get rid of the extra air you -giffled in.'</p> - -<p>"'No, sir. I can't do that!' The boy's forehead was all wrinkled with -his effort at thinking. 'Dad says that when you start in to giffling, -you've got to carry through what you start.'</p> - -<p>"'But it's my life you're giffling around with,' I protested. 'You -don't have to worry. <i>You</i> can stay alive in the vacuum of space, or -jump around without a ship, but I can't. Just leave me alone, why don't -you? Just show me the way to go home and then leave me alone, like a -good boy.'</p> - -<p>"Jim shook his head. 'I'm just going to have to get help, sir,' he said.</p> - -<p>"Mike and Aloysius both looked scared. 'Jim, why don't you just do -like Captain Hannah says,' asked one of them.</p> - -<p>"'If you get Dad into this,' said the other, 'he'll for sure give it to -the two of us, but good. And we'll just bet that he won't think you're -too old to get it, either.'</p> - -<p>"Jim waved the argument aside. 'He'll probably be right, too,' he -commented absently, acting as if he were listening to something the -rest of us couldn't hear. Then he nodded decisively.</p> - -<p>"'Your <i>Delta Crucis</i> is all fixed up right, now, sir,' he told me in -positive tones. 'There's even a tank for you to keep the whale in. -But I suggest you not waste any time in getting the beast to Penguin, -because the ship won't stay this way too long. Then it'll revert to the -way it used to be before you ran into us.'</p> - -<p>"He noticed my expression of concentrated unhappiness.</p> - -<p>"'Oh, not while you are carrying the blue whale,' he assured me. 'As -soon as you finish the job, or in a couple of months if you don't get -started on it. There is nothing to be worried about, sir.'</p> - -<p>"Then he heaved a kind of deep, shuddering sigh, and said, 'We have got -to go now. Good luck to you.'</p> - -<p>"'The same to you,' I said automatically. The two brats gave me a -withering look of scorn, apparently for expressing such impossible -sentiments, and then all three Monahans disappeared."</p> - -<p>Captain Hannah took another whiff of rhial and then stared at the -beaker broodingly.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>"Well," I asked. "Did you get the whale to Penguin? And was the Prinkip -pleased? Or did you just sit around and drink rhial until your ship -popped back to its normal size?"</p> - -<p>"Oh, I couldn't pass up a chance like that," he said. "I delivered the -whale all right. She turned out to be gravid, too. I seem to make a -habit out of picking up pregnant cargoes. The Prinkip was very pleased, -and gave me a bonus.</p> - -<p>"Then <i>Delta Crucis</i> went back to being herself again. And I found this -note, along with a small gift, in the Control room." He fished a sheet -of paper out of the breast pocket of his blue uniform coat and passed -it across the table to me.</p> - -<p>It was an unsigned letter written in a beautiful flowing script. It -said:</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> - -<p>My dear Captain Hannah:</p> - -<p>Congratulations to you on the success of your venture. All seems to -have worked out well for you.</p> - -<p>For three Monahans, things were less pleasant. For a considerable -period of time they experienced difficulty in sitting down in comfort.</p> - -<p>You are welcome at any time to pay a return visit to our remote sector -of space and reestablish your acquaintance with the Adepts.</p> - -<p>It is not beyond the bounds of possibilities that Normals can be -taught to demonstrate our Psionic abilities.</p> - -<p>Until you return then,</p> - -<p class="ph2">Farewell!</p></div> - -<p>The note was unsigned.</p> - -<p>"Well," I said, "You are going to take them up on it, aren't you? This -is a chance in a lifetime. In a hundred lifetimes—it's a chance in a -million years. What are you waiting for, man?"</p> - -<p>Captain Hannah shook his head. "I don't know," he said. "But does that -note sound as if it had been written by a mature Adept—by, say, the -father of those boys?</p> - -<p>"Doesn't it seem more like something written by a teenage boy? Or even -by a precocious nine-year-old?"</p> - -<p>"Well, what of it?" I asked. "Provided that it gets you back there, so -that you will have the chance of talking with the father?"</p> - -<p>"I'm afraid that one or more of the Monahan children may hold a grudge -against me. After all, I apparently did cause the whole tribe of them -considerable humiliation and pain, in the end. If they want to get -even, they have a lot of power—whatever narking and giffling may be. -So here's a present for you, and I advise you to throw it away, even if -I can't bring myself to do so."</p> - -<p>Captain Hannah slammed something down on the table, jammed his head, -and stalked out of the bar.</p> - -<p>I picked up his gift and examined it. It was a small bottle. On the tag -attached to it, neatly and mockingly printed, were the words, "DRINK -ME."</p> - -<p>I stared at it for a long time, thinking of opportunity—and of snarks -and of boojums.</p> - -<p class="ph4">END</p> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of When You Giffle, by L.J. 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Stecher - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - -Title: When You Giffle - -Author: L.J. Stecher - -Illustrator: Bruno - -Release Date: September 12, 2016 [EBook #53035] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHEN YOU GIFFLE *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - - - - - WHEN YOU GIFFLE... - - BY L. J. STECHER, JR. - - [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from - Worlds of Tomorrow December 1963 - Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that - the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] - - - - - They were like any other boys sporting in their - old swimming hole--in the depths of space! - - -I was a little bit worried when I saw Captain Hannah again. I thought -he might have decided he wanted his elephants back, and I'd grown sort -of attached to them. Although I couldn't break the baby of the habit of -nibbling on Gasha leaves, in spite of the fact that they're not good -for him. - -A few months earlier, Captain Hannah had conned me into taking the -elephants off his hands and out of his tramp spaceship. He had suffered -from intellectual terrestrial zoological insufficiency--or in other -words, he hadn't known whales are mammals, and had delivered the -multi-ton Beulah instead, to the Prinkip of Penguin, as an adult sample -of Earth's largest mammal. - -The Prinkip had quite properly refused delivery, and Hannah had stuck -me with her and her incipient progeny. - -I needn't have worried. Captain Hannah didn't want her back. He just -wanted to relax and talk to someone. I bought him a drink, but I -refused one myself, remembering what had happened to me the times -before, when I had listened to Captain Hannah with a glass in my hand. - - * * * * * - -Captain Hannah ran a leathery hand over his leathery face. He looked -haggard. "I came here because I've got to talk to somebody," he said, -"and you make a good listener. - -"Do you remember after I completed my contract with you for the -delivery of the gasha root, and after you had talked me into leaving -Beulah with you for the sake of the little one, how we had a few drinks -together to celebrate our mutual success, before I headed out?" - -Well, my memory about who had talked whom into what about Beulah didn't -agree with his, but I told him I remembered our last get-together, and -he went on. - -"Anyone who tries to set up an interstellar Jump with a hangover should -be permanently barred from the spaceways," he said with some feeling. -"I guess that the only reason they aren't, is that the ones who make a -mistake are never heard from again." He paused and sipped. "Except me." - -"When I left you that last time, and pushed _Delta Crucis_ up into -parking orbit, I was full of rhial and a grim determination to deliver -a whale to the Prinkip. I must have made some mistake or other in -setting up the Jump coordinates, because when I popped out of Limbo, -alarm bells went off in all directions. The main computer told me it -didn't have the faintest idea where we had arrived, and the auxiliary -computer agreed noisily. I turned off the alarms and uncovered the -viewports to check for myself, without much hope. - -"The view from the ones on the starboard side didn't show me anything I -recognized, so I pushed myself across the room and slid off the covers -on the port side. - -"The stars there were unfamiliar, too, but I'm afraid that I didn't -notice for awhile. The foreground was taking up all of my attention. -There were two towheaded kids--about eight or nine years old, I should -judge--floating in empty space, with their noses flattened against -the viewport glass. They were as brown as berries, and as naked as -jaybirds, and as cute as chipmunks, and as alike as two peas, and as -improbable as virtue. - -"The one on the left--my left, that is--backed off enough so that his -nose straightened out, smiled angelically and asked politely whether he -and his twin brother might come in. That is, his lips moved and I heard -the words, and they made sense. Only they didn't. Nothing made sense -when somebody talking in a vacuum could be heard as if he were right -beside you. Anyway, I nodded that they could come in. - - * * * * * - -"The two boys swam forward, using a sort of self-taught kind of a -breast stroke, right through the solid glass of the viewport, until -they were in the ship beside me, and then they stood up. That's no -small feat in itself, standing up in a spaceship in the absence of -gravity or spin." - -Captain Hannah beckoned the waiter for a refill, and then asked me if I -wouldn't change my mind and drink with him. The way this story of his -was going, I figured I might as well, and he didn't start in talking -again until we had both had a sip. - -"They were skinny, and they looked explosively energetic, the way kids -that age usually do. But they just stood quietly facing me side by -side, giving out with cheerful gaptoothed small-boy smiles. Somehow or -other it was reassuring to notice that they both had belly buttons. -It was an indication to me--whether it made sense or not--that they -were just human beings; that they had been born of women in the usual -way--and that there must be some rational explanation for what looked -like miracles. - -"'Is there anything I can do for you two kids?' I asked, as politely as -I knew how. - -"'Well, sir,' said the one who had spoken before, 'please excuse us for -barging in on you like this, with no clothes on and all....' - -"The other boy picked up the conversation without a break, 'but you -have materialized your spaceship right in the middle of our swimming -hole ...' - -"'... and it's muddying everything up something fierce,' finished boy -number one. - -"I glanced out through the view ports at the illimitable and -untrammeled reaches of space, and then back at the boys. - -"'We're afraid you'll just have to take our word for it, sir. This is -our swimming hole,' said boy number one earnestly. 'There aren't -many ...' - -"'... spots like this in space,' number two picked up. 'It has -something to do with gravity balances and radiation zones and -thought-energy sumps and a lot of other ...' - -"'... things like that that we don't understand either because we -haven't had it in school yet. But we do know that it's the best place -we can reach for space swimming, only ...' - -"'... it's too far for us to get to and pull along our clothes too. -Besides which, what boy would want to go swimming with his clothes on -anyway?' They both came to a full stop. - -"'The only thing wrong with it,' the speaker had shifted again, 'is, -it's even too far to bring along any sandwiches and cookies and stuff.' - -"I stopped swinging my head back and forth from one to the other as the -speaker shifted, and shook myself awake. 'How about some chocolate cake -and a bulb or two of milk? I've got plenty of both,' I told them." - - * * * * * - -"Oh, come now," I said to Captain Hannah, glancing at the row of rhial -beakers in front of him. In spite of his space tan, I could see him -blush. - -"Well, I like chocolate cake," he said defensively. "And drinking milk -when I'm in space gets my stomach back in shape for going ashore again -with the likes of you. What's wrong with that, I'd like to know?" - -I signified "Nothing at all," with an elaborate gesture, and he went -back to his story after dipping his nose. - -"Well, I gave each of them some cake and milk, and they sat down -politely at my table to eat it ... and the plates stayed on the table -and the cake stayed on the plates even though there wasn't any gravity -and I didn't have any spin on the ship. - -"'Now what's all this about my muddying up your swimming hole?' I -asked, when they had finished eating all my cake and drinking three -bulbs of milk each. - -"'That's all there is to it, sir,' said the first boy. 'You have -changed the gravity balance and the radiation pattern and everything -else ...' - -"'... and that's taken all the fun out of swimming. And when you have -taken all the chances we have in playing hooky just because this is -such a good place to swim ...' - -"'... it's a shame to have it all spoiled. So would you please leave, -sir?' - -"'Oh, I'd be glad to Jump out of here, boys,' I told them. 'But you -see, I've got a little problem. I'm lost. I don't have the faintest -idea where in the Universe I am, so how can I set the right coordinates -to Jump somewhere else?' - -"'Oh!' said the two boys together. 'We didn't realize....' They -stopped, and looked at each other. They acted as if they were carrying -on an argument although their lips didn't move and I couldn't hear -anything. At any rate, they soon reached some sort of agreement. - -"'We'll have to get help,' said the first boy at last. 'We'd call Dad, -except he'd warm both of us real good if he knew we were out here -swimming when we're supposed to be in school. But....' - -"'There's our big brother Jim. We've got enough on him so maybe he -won't squeal. And he's grown up enough to know what to do.' - -"'And he was real good at narking and giffling in school.' - -"'He got an A in narking, and a B plus in giffling, but of course it -wasn't _advanced_ giffling.' - -"'Still, he should be able to do the job, all right.' - - * * * * * - -"Their faces went blank and they both stared off into space as if they -were concentrating as hard as they could. Suddenly, with no warning and -no noise, a young man of about fifteen or so was standing beside them -with his hands on his hips. He wore a kilt and a singlet of some soft, -shiny material, but no shoes. - -"'Well, if it isn't Mike and Aloysius,' he said conversationally. 'Boy, -are you two going to get it when you show your faces around home. Dad's -been looking for you.' - -"'The older boy turned and stuck his hand out at me. 'Captain Hannah, -sir,' he said. 'My name's Jim Monahan. I must apologize for the brats. -They bother everybody. They have asked me to help get you out of your -difficulties.' - -"'I must have set the wrong Jump pattern,' I stammered. 'It's -incredibly lucky that I came back out of Limbo in a place where I could -ask for help. If you can give it to me, I would be most grateful.' - -"'Well, sir,' said Jim, 'your appearing here isn't quite as incredible -as you might think. Dad says that several of you Bumblejumpers....' He -stopped and looked embarrassed. 'I'm sorry, sir. Several of you who -have made errors in your Jump setting have ended up here.' - -"'Not in our swimming hole,' asserted Aloysius. - -"'In this general area of space. Dad calls it the delta of a psionic -river. He says that we who are psionic adepts should stop bouncing back -and forth between here and the established sectors so much, or we'll -groove the psionic channels so much that everybody who goofs will end -up here. And we may even increase the probability of goofing.' - -"'I just want to get back to where I can recognize the stars,' I told -the boy. - -"'If you don't mind my saying so, sir, I nark the impression that you -want something more. Something about getting a whale to the planet -Penguin II?' - - * * * * * - -"I nodded. 'If these kid brothers of yours can run around mald-bottom -in space without catching cold, then I guess you can probably send a -whale from one planet to another by mind power--by psionics.' - -"'But that's not really what you want?' the boy persisted. - -"I nodded. 'Even psionics can't do what I really want. A _Delta_ class -freighter can do almost anything, but it can't transport an adult blue -whale across space. Still, that's what I really want it to do, and it's -that desire that you are apparently picking out of my mind.' - -"Jim frowned for a couple of minutes in deep concentration while Mike -and Aloysius nudged each other slyly, gradually got more rambunctious, -and finally lost their tempers and started a half-wrestling, -half-boxing tussle. - -"Jim clapped his hands together sharply, twice. The kids quieted down -abruptly, looking at Jim indignantly and rubbing their posteriors. At -the same time, Jim picked a small box out of the air and handed it to -me with a flamboyant gesture. - -"Lettered on the box was the neatly printed instruction 'EAT ME'. - -"'Shades of Lewis Carroll,' I said to myself, opening the box and -looking at the little cakes inside. - -"'Go ahead, sir,' chorused Mike and Aloysius, 'Don't be chicken!' - -"I looked at the pill-sized cakes for a minute. Then I shrugged my -shoulders and tossed them all down at once, like taking a shot of -whiskey neat. For a few seconds nothing happened except for an odd sort -of fizzling feeling inside, and then suddenly I started to shrink, just -like Alice in Wonderland. I hardly had time to notice that the whole -Monahan tribe was shrinking right along with me, before I found that I -was having trouble breathing, and it was as if my insides were trying -to climb up past my Adam's apple. I couldn't talk, so I tried hard to -give Jim Monahan a dirty look before I passed out, which I promptly did. - - * * * * * - -"I couldn't have been unconscious for more than a few seconds. I woke -up to find that I had shrunk to a height of maybe two feet, and that -Jim was looking at me with a very worried expression. - -"'Boy, was that a lousy job of giffling,' I heard Aloysius say, -irreverently. At least, it was Aloysius unless the two boys had -exchanged positions while I had been out. - -"'Yup, you've got to be careful when you giffle,' agreed his twin -sagely. - -"'What happened?' I asked weakly. 'And why have you shrunk us down this -way?' - -"'Shrunk us down?' asked Jim blankly, and then he laughed. 'Oh, I -didn't do anything like that to us. That sort of thing is too dangerous -to try unless you're a Master Giffler. I don't think even Dad would -try a thing like that with a human being. All I did was to enlarge the -spaceship. At the same time, of course, I increased the strength of -the intermolecular bonds, so that the ship is just as sturdy as it was -before. Only now it's big enough to carry a whale.' - -"'Only the big jerk forgot that with the space in this room suddenly -increased to twenty-five or thirty times as big as it was before, there -still wasn't any more ...' - -"'... air in it, so you nearly suffocated.' I think it ended with Mike. - -"'But he finally had sense enough to gather the air in a ball around -your head, so you woke up all right, and I nark that now he had brought -in enough air ...' - -"'... to fill the room and all your tanks, so you'll be all right now.' - -"'And now you can get yourself out of our swimming hole, sir,' -Aloysius, I think, concluded. - -"I was still a little dazed. But I tried to put my brain in gear, while -I looked from one smiling, expectant Monahan face to another. 'I've got -one question,' I said at last. - -"'Yes, sir?' asked Jim, all eagerness to be helpful. - -"'Does this psionic ability all of you are playing around with so -freely make you basically any smarter than an ordinary untalented -run-of-the-mill human of the same age?' - -"'Well of course, sir,' said Jim, and then looked at the two brats, who -were staring at him with their mouths open. - -"'Well, of course, we have a lot more to learn than the Normals,' he -began again. 'But then, I've studied hard instead of playing hooky like -the imps here.' - -"Now all three of us were staring at him. - -"'Well, to be truthful, sir, Dad says that we've got about the same -basic intelligence as the Normals, and that we shouldn't try to get -uppity because of our special talents. But most Normals that I've seen -usually don't act very bright.' - -"'Then,' I asked with elaborate patience, 'all you did was to make my -_Delta Crucis_ bigger, and to increase the strength of the components -to match? Nothing else?' - - * * * * * - -"Jim nodded warily. 'That's it, sir.' - -"'It didn't occur to you, son, that while that might be all right for -the hull and the Jumping equipment, you just don't change the size of -a rocket motor to change its power rating? Don't you realize that if -I turned on my landing rockets right now, I'd probably blow us all to -Kingdom Come?' - -"Jim thought for a minute. 'I nark it now, sir,' he said slowly. 'And -the hull probably isn't right too, I'm afraid.' - -"'You're probably right, son,' I answered him. 'Don't you think you had -just better put things right back the way they were before?' - -"I added hastily, 'Not forgetting to get rid of the extra air you -giffled in.' - -"'No, sir. I can't do that!' The boy's forehead was all wrinkled with -his effort at thinking. 'Dad says that when you start in to giffling, -you've got to carry through what you start.' - -"'But it's my life you're giffling around with,' I protested. 'You -don't have to worry. _You_ can stay alive in the vacuum of space, or -jump around without a ship, but I can't. Just leave me alone, why don't -you? Just show me the way to go home and then leave me alone, like a -good boy.' - -"Jim shook his head. 'I'm just going to have to get help, sir,' he said. - -"Mike and Aloysius both looked scared. 'Jim, why don't you just do -like Captain Hannah says,' asked one of them. - -"'If you get Dad into this,' said the other, 'he'll for sure give it to -the two of us, but good. And we'll just bet that he won't think you're -too old to get it, either.' - -"Jim waved the argument aside. 'He'll probably be right, too,' he -commented absently, acting as if he were listening to something the -rest of us couldn't hear. Then he nodded decisively. - -"'Your _Delta Crucis_ is all fixed up right, now, sir,' he told me in -positive tones. 'There's even a tank for you to keep the whale in. -But I suggest you not waste any time in getting the beast to Penguin, -because the ship won't stay this way too long. Then it'll revert to the -way it used to be before you ran into us.' - -"He noticed my expression of concentrated unhappiness. - -"'Oh, not while you are carrying the blue whale,' he assured me. 'As -soon as you finish the job, or in a couple of months if you don't get -started on it. There is nothing to be worried about, sir.' - -"Then he heaved a kind of deep, shuddering sigh, and said, 'We have got -to go now. Good luck to you.' - -"'The same to you,' I said automatically. The two brats gave me a -withering look of scorn, apparently for expressing such impossible -sentiments, and then all three Monahans disappeared." - -Captain Hannah took another whiff of rhial and then stared at the -beaker broodingly. - - * * * * * - -"Well," I asked. "Did you get the whale to Penguin? And was the Prinkip -pleased? Or did you just sit around and drink rhial until your ship -popped back to its normal size?" - -"Oh, I couldn't pass up a chance like that," he said. "I delivered the -whale all right. She turned out to be gravid, too. I seem to make a -habit out of picking up pregnant cargoes. The Prinkip was very pleased, -and gave me a bonus. - -"Then _Delta Crucis_ went back to being herself again. And I found this -note, along with a small gift, in the Control room." He fished a sheet -of paper out of the breast pocket of his blue uniform coat and passed -it across the table to me. - -It was an unsigned letter written in a beautiful flowing script. It -said: - - My dear Captain Hannah: - - Congratulations to you on the success of your venture. All seems - to have worked out well for you. - - For three Monahans, things were less pleasant. For a considerable - period of time they experienced difficulty in sitting down in - comfort. - - You are welcome at any time to pay a return visit to our remote - sector of space and reestablish your acquaintance with the Adepts. - - It is not beyond the bounds of possibilities that Normals can be - taught to demonstrate our Psionic abilities. - - Until you return then, - - Farewell! - -The note was unsigned. - -"Well," I said, "You are going to take them up on it, aren't you? This -is a chance in a lifetime. In a hundred lifetimes--it's a chance in a -million years. What are you waiting for, man?" - -Captain Hannah shook his head. "I don't know," he said. "But does that -note sound as if it had been written by a mature Adept--by, say, the -father of those boys? - -"Doesn't it seem more like something written by a teenage boy? Or even -by a precocious nine-year-old?" - -"Well, what of it?" I asked. "Provided that it gets you back there, so -that you will have the chance of talking with the father?" - -"I'm afraid that one or more of the Monahan children may hold a grudge -against me. After all, I apparently did cause the whole tribe of them -considerable humiliation and pain, in the end. If they want to get -even, they have a lot of power--whatever narking and giffling may be. -So here's a present for you, and I advise you to throw it away, even if -I can't bring myself to do so." - -Captain Hannah slammed something down on the table, jammed his head, -and stalked out of the bar. - -I picked up his gift and examined it. It was a small bottle. On the tag -attached to it, neatly and mockingly printed, were the words, "DRINK -ME." - -I stared at it for a long time, thinking of opportunity--and of snarks -and of boojums. - -END - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of When You Giffle, by L.J. Stecher - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHEN YOU GIFFLE *** - -***** This file should be named 52035.txt or 52035.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/2/0/3/52035/ - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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