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diff --git a/5291.txt b/5291.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5a1d934 --- /dev/null +++ b/5291.txt @@ -0,0 +1,885 @@ +The Project Gutenberg Ebook The Progress of Wit &c., by de La Fontaine +#17 in our series by Jean de La Fontaine (The Tales and Novels) + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the +copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing +this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook. + +This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project +Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**EBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These EBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers***** + + +Title: The Tales and Novels, v17: The Progress of Wit &c + +Author: Jean de La Fontaine + +Release Date: March, 2004 [EBook #5291] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on June 21, 2002] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + + + + + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TALES AND NOVELS OF FONTAINE, V17 *** + + + +This eBook was produced by David Widger + + + +[NOTE: There is a short list of bookmarks, or pointers, at the end of the +file for those who may wish to sample the author's ideas before making an +entire meal of them. D.W.] + + + + + + THE TALES AND NOVELS + OF + J. DE LA FONTAINE + + + + Volume 17. + + Contains: + The Progress of Wit + The Sick Abbess + The Truckers + + + + THE PROGRESS OF WIT + + + DIVERTING in extreme there is a play, + Which oft resumes its fascinating sway; + Delights the sex, or ugly, fair, or sour; + By night or day:--'tis sweet at any hour. + The frolick, ev'ry where is known to fame; + Conjecture if you can, and tells its name. + + THIS play's chief charm to husbands is unknown; + 'Tis with the lover it excels alone; + No lookers-on, as umpires, are required; + No quarrels rise, though each appears inspired; + All seem delighted with the pleasing game:-- + Conjecture if you can, and tell its name. + + BE this as 'twill, and called whate'er it may; + No longer trifling with it I shall stay, + But now disclose a method to transmit + (As oft we find) to ninnies sense and wit. + Till Alice got instruction in this school, + She was regarded as a silly fool, + Her exercise appeared to spin and sew:-- + Not hers indeed, the hands alone would go; + For sense or wit had in it no concern; + Whate'er the foolish girl had got to learn, + No part therein could ever take the mind; + Her doll, for thought, was just as well designed. + The mother would, a hundred times a day, + Abuse the stupid maid, and to her say + Go wretched lump and try some wit to gain. + + THE girl, quite overcome with shame and pain; + Her neighbours asked to point her out the spot, + Where useful wit by purchase might be got. + The simple question laughter raised around; + At length they told her, that it might be found + With father Bonadventure, who'd a stock, + Which he at times disposed of to his flock. + + AWAY in haste she to the cloister went, + To see the friar she was quite intent, + Though trembling lest she might disturb his ease; + And one of his high character displease. + The girl exclaimed, as on she moved,--Will he + Such presents willingly bestow on me, + Whose age, as yet, has scarcely reached fifteen? + With such can I be worthy to be seen? + Her innocence much added to her charms, + The gentle wily god of soft alarms + Had not a youthful maiden in his book, + That carried more temptation in her look. + + MOST rev'rend sir, said she, by friends I'm told, + That in this convent wit is often sold, + Will you allow me some on trust to take? + My treasure won't afford that much I stake; + I can return if more I should require; + Howe'er, you'll take this pledge I much desire; + On which she tried to give the monk a ring, + That to her finger firmly seemed to cling. + + BUT when the friar saw the girl's design, + He cried, good maid, the pledge we will decline, + And what is wished, provide for you the same; + 'Tis merchandize, and whatsoe'er its fame, + To some 'tis freely giv'n:--to others taught + If not too dear, oft better when 'tis bought. + Come in and boldly follow where I lead; + None round can see: you've nothing here to heed; + They're all at prayers; the porter's at my will; + The very walls, of prudence have their fill. + + SHE entered as the holy monk desired, + And they together to his cell retired. + The friar on the bed this maiden threw; + A kiss would take:--she from him rather drew; + And said.--To give one wit is this the way? + Yes, answered he, and round her 'gan to play: + Upon her bosom then he put his hand + What now, said she, am I to understand? + Is this the way?--Said he, 'tis so decreed; + Then patiently she let the monk proceed, + Who followed up, from point to point, his aim; + And wit, by easy steps, advancing came, + Till its progression with her was complete; + Then Alice laughed, success appeared so sweet. + + A SECOND dose the friar soon bestowed, + And e'en a third, so fast his bounty flowed. + Well, said the monk, pray how d'ye find the play? + The girl replied: wit will not long delay; + 'Twill soon arrive; but then I fear its flight: + I'm half afraid 'twill leave me ere 'tis night. + We'll see, rejoined the priest, that naught you lose; + But other secrets oftentimes we use. + Seek not those the smiling girl replied + With this most perfectly I'm satisfied; + Then be it so, said he, we'll recommence, + Nor longer keep the business in suspense, + But to the utmost length at once advance; + For this fair Alice showed much complaisance: + The secret by the friar was renewed; + Much pleasure in it Bonadventure viewed; + The belle a courtesy dropt, and then retired, + Reflecting on the wit she had acquired; + Reflecting, do you say?--To think inclined? + Yes, even more:--she sought excuse to find, + Not doubting that she should be forced to say, + Some cause for keeping her so long away. + + TWO days had passed, when came a youthful friend; + Fair Nancy with her often would unbend; + Howe'er, so very thoughtful Alice seemed, + That Nancy (who was penetrating deemed) + Was well convinced whatever Alice sought, + So very absent she was not for naught. + In questioning she managed with such art, + That soon she learned--what Alice could impart + To listen she was thoroughly disposed, + While t'other ev'ry circumstance disclosed, + From first to last, each point and mystick hit, + And e'en the largeness of the friar's wit, + The repetitions, and the wondrous skill + With which he managed ev'ry thing at will. + + BUT now, cried Alice, favour me I pray, + And tell at once, without reserve, the way + That you obtained such wit as you possess, + And all particulars to me confess. + + IF I, said Nancy, must avow the truth, + Your brother Alan was the bounteous youth, + Who me obliged therewith, and freely taught, + What from the holy friar you'd have bought. + My brother Alan!--Alan! Alice cried; + He ne'er with any was himself supplied; + I'm all surprise; he's thought a heavy clot, + How could he give what he had never got? + + FOOL! said the other, little thou can'st know; + For once, to me some information owe; + In such a case much skill is not required, + And Alan freely gave what I desired. + If me thou disbeliev'st, thy mother ask; + She thoroughly can undertake the task. + + ON such a point we readily should say, + Long live the fools who wit so well display! + + + + + + + THE SICK ABBESS + + + EXAMPLE often proves of sov'reign use; + At other times it cherishes abuse; + 'Tis not my purpose, howsoe'er, to tell + Which of the two I fancy to excel. + Some will conceive the Abbess acted right, + While others think her conduct very light + Be that as 'twill, her actions right or wrong, + I'll freely give a license to my tongue, + Or pen, at all events, and clearly show, + By what some nuns were led to undergo, + That flocks are equally of flesh and blood, + And, if one passes, hundreds stem the flood, + To follow up the course the first has run, + And imitate what t'other has begun. + When Agnes passed, another sister came, + And ev'ry nun desired to do the same; + At length the guardian of the flock appeared, + And likewise passed, though much at first she feared. + The tale is this, we purpose to relate; + And full particulars we now will state. + + AN Abbess once a certain illness had, + Chlorosis named, which oft proves very bad, + Destroys the rose that decorates the cheek, + And renders females languid, pale, and weak. + Our lady's face was like a saint's in Lent: + Quite wan, though otherwise it marked content. + The faculty, consulted on her case, + And who the dire disorder's source would trace, + At length pronounced slow fever must succeed, + And death inevitably be decreed, + Unless;--but this unless is very strange + Unless indeed she some way could arrange; + To gratify her wish, which seemed to vex, + And converse be allowed with t'other sex: + Hippocrates, howe'er, more plainly speaks, + No circumlocutory phrase he seeks. + + O JESUS! quite abashed the Abbess cried; + What is it?--fy!--a man would you provide? + Yes, they rejoined, 'tis clearly what you want, + And you will die without a brisk gallant; + One truly able will alone suffice; + And, if not such, take two we would advise. + This still was worse, though, if we rightly guess, + 'Twas by her wished, durst she the truth confess. + But how the sisterhood would see her take + Such remedies and no objection make? + Shame often causes injury and pain; + And ills concealed bring others in their train. + + SAID sister Agnes, Madam, take their word; + A remedy like this would be absurd, + If, like old death, it had a haggard look, + And you designed to get by hook or crook. + A hundred secrets you retain at ease; + Can one so greatly shock and you displease?-- + You talk at random, Agnes, she replied; + Now, would you for the remedy decide, + Upon your word, if you were in my place?-- + Yes, madam, said the nun, and think it grace; + Still more I'd do, if necessary thought; + Your health, by me, would ev'ry way be sought, + And, if required by you to suffer this, + Not one around would less appear remiss; + Sincere affection for you I have shown, + And my regard I'll ever proudly own. + + A THOUSAND thanks the Abbess gave her friend; + The doctors said:--no use for them to send; + Throughout the convent sad distress appeared; + When Agnes, who to sage advice adhered, + And was not thought the weakest head around, + A kinder soul perhaps could not be found, + Said to the sisterhood,--What now retains + Our worthy Abbess, and her will enchains, + Is nothing but the shame of pow'rs divine, + Or else, to what's prescribed she would resign. + Through charity will no one take the lead, + And, by example, get her to proceed? + + THE counsel was by ev'ry one approved, + And commendation through the circle moved. + + IN this design not one, nor grave, nor old, + Nor young, nor prioress, at all seemed cold; + Notes flew around, and friends of worth and taste, + The black, the fair, the brown, appeared in haste; + The number was not small, our records say, + Not (what might be) appearance of delay, + But all most anxious seemed the road to show, + And what the Abbess feared, at once to know; + None more sincerely 'mong the nuns desired, + That shame should not prevent what was required. + Nor that the Abbess should, within her soul, + Retain what might injuriously control. + + NO sooner one among the flock had made + The step, of which the Abbess was afraid, + But other sisters followed in the train:-- + Not one behind consented to remain; + Each forward pressed, in dread to be the last; + At length, from prejudice the Abbess passed; + To such examples she at last gave way, + And, to a youth, no longer offered nay. + + THE operation o'er, her lily face + Resumed the rose, and ev'ry other grace. + O remedy divine, prescription blessed! + Thy friendly aid to numbers stands confessed; + The friends of thousands, friend of nature too; + The friend of all, except where honour 's due. + This point of honour is another ill, + In which the faculty confess no skill. + + WHAT ills in life! what mis'ries dire around, + While remedies so easy may be found! + + + + + + + THE TRUCKERS + + + THE change of food enjoyment is to man; + In this, t'include the woman is my plan. + I cannot guess why Rome will not allow + Exchange in wedlock, and its leave avow; + Not ev'ry time such wishes might arise, + But, once in life at least, 'twere not unwise; + Perhaps one day we may the boon obtain; + Amen, I say: my sentiments are plain; + The privilege in France may yet arrive + There trucking pleases, and exchanges thrive; + The people love variety, we find; + And such by heav'n was ere for them designed. + + ONCE there dwelled, near Rouen, (sapient clime) + Two villagers, whose wives were in their prime, + And rather pleasing in their shape and mien, + For those in whom refinement 's scarcely seen. + Each looker-on conceives, LOVE needs not greet + Such humble wights, as he would prelates treat. + + IT happened, howsoe'er, both weary grown, + Of halves that they so long had called their own; + One holyday, with them there chanced to drink + The village lawyer (bred in Satan's sink); + To him, said one of these, with jeering air, + Good mister Oudinet, a strange affair + Is in my head: you've doubtless often made + Variety of contracts; 'tis your trade: + Now, cannot you contrive, by one of these, + That men should barter wives, like goods, at ease? + Our pastor oft his benefice has changed; + Is trucking wives less easily arranged? + It cannot be, for well I recollect, + That Parson Gregory (whom none suspect) + Would always say, or much my mem'ry fails, + My flock 's my wife: love equally prevails; + He changed; let us, good neighbour do the same; + With all my heart, said t'other, that's my aim; + But well thou know'st that mine's the fairest face, + And, Mister Oudinet, since that's the case, + Should he not add, at least, his mule to boot? + My mule? rejoined the first, that will not suit; + In this world ev'ry thing has got its price: + Mine I will change for thine and that 's concise. + Wives are not viewed so near; naught will I add; + Why, neighbour Stephen, dost thou think me mad, + To give my mule to boot?--of mules the king; + Not e'en an ass I'd to the bargain bring; + Change wife for wife, the barter will be fair; + Then each will act with t'other on the square. + + THE village lawyer now the friends addressed: + Said he, Antoinetta is confessed + To have superior charms to those of Jane; + But still, if I may venture to be plain, + Not always is the best what meets the eye, + For many beauties in concealment lie, + Which I prefer; and these are hid with care; + Deceptions, too, are practised by the FAIR; + Howe'er, we wish the whole to be disclosed, + Too much, 'tis said, they must not be exposed. + + NOW, neighbours, let us fair arrangement make: + A pig in poke you'd neither give nor take; + Confront these halves in nature's birth-day suit; + To neither, then, will you deceit impute. + The project was most thoroughly approved; + Like inclination both the husbands moved. + + ANTOINETTA, said the second spouse, + Has neither ill nor scratch her fears to rouse. + Jane, cried the first, is ev'ry way complete; + No freckles on the skin: as balm she's sweet: + Antoinetta is, her spouse replied, + Ambrosia ev'ry way: no fault to hide. + + SAID t'other:--Don't so confident appear; + Thou know'st not Jane: her ways would marble cheer; + And there's a play:--thou understand'st no doubt? + To this rejoined the second village lout, + One diff'rence only have my wife and I: + Which plays the prettiest wiles is what we try; + Thou'lt very soon of these know how to think; + Here's to thee, neighbour; Mister Oud'net, drink; + Come, toast Antoinetta; likewise Jane; + The mule was granted, and the bargain plain: + Our village lawyer promised to prepare, + At once, the writings, which would all declare. + This Oudinet a good apostle proved + Well paid for parchment, or he never moved: + By whom was payment made?--by both the dames; + On neither husband showed he any claims. + + THE village clowns some little time supposed + That all was secret: not a hint disclosed; + The parson of it, howsoe'er, obtained + Some intimation, and his off'rings gained. + I was not present, fully I admit; + But rarely clergymen their dues will quit. + The very clerk would not remit his fee:-- + All those who serve the church in this agree. + + THE permutation could not well be made, + But scandal would such practices upbraid; + In country villages each step is seen; + Thus, round the whisper went of what had been, + And placed at length the thorn where all was ease; + The pow'rs divine alone it could displease. + 'Twas pleasant them together to behold; + The wives, in emulation, were not cold; + In easy talk they'd to each other say: + How pleasing to exchange from day to day! + What think you, neighbour, if, to try our luck, + For once we've something new, and valets truck? + This last, if made, the secret had respect; + The other had at first a good effect. + + FOR one good month the whole proceeded well; + But, at the end, disgust dispersed the spell; + And neighbour Stephen, as we might suppose, + Began dissatisfaction to disclose; + Lamented much Antoinetta's stop; + No doubt he was a loser by the swop; + Yet neighbour Giles expressed extreme regret, + That t'other from him ought to boot should get: + Howe'er, he would retrucking not consent, + So much he otherwise appeared content. + + IT happened on a day, as Stephen strayed + Within a wood, he saw, beneath a shade, + And near the stream, asleep, and quite alone, + Antoinetta, whom he wished his own. + He near her drew, and waked her with surprise; + The change ne'er struck her when she ope'd her eyes; + The gay gallant advantage quickly took, + And, what he wished, soon placed within his hook. + 'Tis said, he found her better than at first; + Why so? you ask: was she then at the worst? + A curious question, truly, you've designed; + In Cupid's am'rous code of laws you'll find-- + Bread got by stealth, and eat where none can spy, + Is better far than what you bake or buy; + For proof of this, ask those most learn'd in love + Truth we prefer, all other things above; + Yet Hymen, and the god of soft desire, + How much soe'er their union we admire, + Are not designed together bread to bake; + In proof, the sleeping scene for instance take. + Good cheer was there: each dish was served with taste; + The god of love, who often cooks in haste, + Most nicely seasoned things to relish well; + In this he's thought old Hymen to excel. + + ANTOINETTA, to his clasp restored, + Our neighbour Stephen, who his wife adored, + Quite raw, howe'er, in this, exclaimed apart + Friend Giles has surely got some secret art, + For now my rib displays superior charms, + To what she had, before she left my arms. + Let's take her back, and play the Norman trick + Deny the whole, and by our priv'lege stick. + + IMMEDIATELY he ev'ry effort tried, + To get the bargain fully set aside. + Giles, much distressed, exerted all his might, + To keep his prize, and prove his conduct right. + The cause was carried to the bishop's court; + Much noise it made, according to report. + At length the parliament would hear the claim, + And judge a case of such peculiar fame. + + THE village lawyer, Oudinet, was brought; + From him, who drew the contract, truth was sought; + There rests the cause, for 'tis of recent date; + While undecided, more we cannot state. + + HOW silly neighbour Stephen must appear! + He went against his int'rest now 'tis clear; + For, when superior pleasure he was shown, + The fascinating fair was not his own. + Good sense would whisper then, 'twere full as well, + To let remain with Giles the beauteous belle; + Save now and then, within the leafy shade, + Where oft Antoinetta visits made, + And warbled to the shrubs and trees around; + There he might easily the nymph have found, + But, if with ease it could not be obtained, + Still greater pleasure he would then have gained. + + GO preach me this to silly country louts; + These, howsoe'er, had managed well their bouts, + It must not be denied, and all was nice; + To do the like perhaps 'twill some entice. + I much regret my lot was not the same, + Though doubtless many will my wishes blame. + + + + +ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS: + +Her doll, for thought, was just as well designed +How could he give what he had never got? 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